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diff --git a/26669.txt b/26669.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..46f449f --- /dev/null +++ b/26669.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5539 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain +Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Strange Adventures of Captain Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3 + Who was a sailor, a soldier, a merchant, a spy, a slave + among the moors... + +Author: George Augustus Sala + +Release Date: September 19, 2008 [EBook #26669] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN DANGEROUS, VOL. 3 OF 3 *** + + + + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Emmy and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This +book was produced from scanned images of public domain +material from the Google Print project.) + + + + + + + + + + + +THE STRANGE ADVENTURES + +OF + +CAPTAIN DANGEROUS: + + WHO WAS A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A MERCHANT, A SPY, A SLAVE + AMONG THE MOORS, A BASHAW IN THE SERVICE + OF THE GRAND TURK, + + AND + + =Died at last in his own House in Hanover Square.= + + A NARRATIVE IN OLD-FASHIONED ENGLISH. + + ATTEMPTED BY + GEORGE AUGUSTUS SALA. + + + IN THREE VOLUMES. + + VOL. III. + + + LONDON: + TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND. + 1863. + + [_The right of Translation is reserved._] + + + + + LONDON: + SAVILL AND EDWARDS, PRINTERS, CHANDOS STREET, + COVENT GARDEN. + + + + +CONTENTS OF VOL. III. + + + CHAPTER THE FIRST. PAGE + I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO + RIGHT ROUND IT 1 + + CHAPTER THE SECOND. + MERCATOR, HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT 44 + + CHAPTER THE THIRD. + THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO + EUROPE 71 + + CHAPTER THE FOURTH. + OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND 115 + + CHAPTER THE FIFTH. + OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS, + WHICH WAS NEARLY MY UNDOING 154 + + CHAPTER THE SIXTH. + OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE + CARDINAL DE ---- 181 + + CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. + I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM + REDUCED TO A STATE OF MISERABLE SLAVERY 196 + + CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. + AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS + BECOMES BESTUSCHID BASHAW 230 + + CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST. + OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF + MY ADVENTURES IN RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND + OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY GRANDMOTHER'S + HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE. 272 + + + * * * * * + + + + + +THE STRANGE ADVENTURES + +OF + +CAPTAIN DANGEROUS. + +=A Narrative in Old fashioned English.= + + + + +CHAPTER THE FIRST. + +I SEE MUCH OF THE INSIDE OF THE WORLD, AND THEN GO RIGHT ROUND IT. + + +1748. I was not yet Forty years of age, Hale and Stout, Comely +enough,--so said Mistress Prue and many other damsels,--with a Military +Education, an approved reputation for Valour, and very little else +besides. A gentleman at large, with a purse well-nigh as slender as an +ell-wand, and as wobegone as a dried eel-skin. But I was never one that +wanted many Superfluities; and having no Friends in the world, was of a +most Contented Disposition. + +Some trouble, indeed, must I have with that luckless Mistress Prue, the +Waiting-Maid--sure, I did the girl no Harm, beyond whispering a little +soft nonsense in her ear now and then. But she must needs have a +succession of Hysterical Fits after my departure from the Tower, and +write me many scores of Letters couched in the most Lamentable +Rigmarole, threatening to throw herself into Rosamond's Pond in St. +James's Park (then a favourite Drowning-Place for Disconsolate Lovers), +with many other nonsensical Menaces. But I was firm to my Determination +to do her no harm, and therefore carefully abstained from answering any +of her letters. She did not break her heart; but (being resolved to wed +one that wore the King's cloth) she married Miles Bandolier about three +months after my Departure, and broke his head, ere the Honeymoon was +over, with a Bed-staff. A most frivolous Quean this, and I well rid of +her. + +Coming out of the Tower, I took lodgings for a season in Great Ryder +Street, St. James's, and set up for a Person of Pleasure. There were +many Military Officers of my Acquaintance who honoured me with their +company over a Bottle, for even as a Tower Warder I had been a kind of a +Gentleman, and there was no treating me as one of base Degree. They +laughed somewhat at my Brevet rank of Captain, and sometimes twitted me +as to what Regiment I was in; but I let them laugh, so long as they did +not go too far, when I would most assuredly have shown them, by the +length of my Blade, not only what Regiment I belonged to, but what +Mettle I was of. By favour of some of my Martial Friends, I was +introduced to a favourite Coffee-House, the "Ramilies," in Jermyn Street +('tis Slaughter's, in St. Martin's Lane, now, that the Soldier-Officers +do most use); and there we had many a pleasant Carouse, and, moreover, +many a good game at cards; at the which, thanks to the tuition of Mr. +Hodge, when I was in Mr. Pinchin's service, I was a passable adept, +being able to hold my own and More, in almost every Game that is to be +found in Hoyle. And so our card-playing did result, not only to mutual +pleasure, but to my especial Profit; for I was very lucky. But I declare +that I always played fair; and if any man doubted the strict probity of +my proceeding, there was then, as there is now, my Sword to vindicate my +Honour. + +'Tis ill-living, however, on Gambling. Somehow or another the Money you +win at Cards--I would never touch Dice, which are too chancy, liable to +be Sophisticated, and, besides, sure to lead to Brawling, Stabbing, and +cracking of Crowns--this Money, gotten over Old Nick's back, I say, +never seems to do a Man any Good. 'Tis light come, and light go; and the +Store of Gold Pieces that glitter so bravely when you sweep them off the +green cloth seems, in a couple of days afterwards, to have turned to dry +leaves, like the Magician's in the Fairy Tale. Excepting Major Panton, +who built the Street and the Square which bear his name out of One +Night's Profit at the Pharoah table, can you tell me of one habitual +Gambler who has been able to realise anything substantial out of his +Winnings? No, no; a Hand at Cards is all very well, and 'tis pleasant to +win enough to pay one's Reckoning, give a Supper to the Loser, and have +a Frisk upon Town afterwards; but I do abhor your steady, systematic +Gamblers, with their restless eyes, quivering lips, hair bristling under +their wigs, and twitching fingers, as they watch the Game. Of course, +when Cards are played, you must play for Money. As to playing for Love, +I would as soon play for nutshells or cheese-parings. But the whole +business is too feverish and exciting for a Man of warm temperament. +'Tis killing work when your Bed and Raiment, your Dinner and your Flask, +depend on the turn up of a card. And so I very speedily abandoned this +line of life. + +'Twas necessary, nevertheless, for something to be done to bring Grist +to the Mill. About this time it was a very common practice for Great +Noblemen--notably those who were in any way addicted to pleasure, and +ours was a mighty Gay Nobility thirty or forty years since--to entertain +Men of Honour, Daring, and Ability, cunning in the use of their Swords, +and exceedingly discreet in their conversations, to attend them upon +their private affairs, and render to them Services of a kind that +required Secrecy as well as Courage. One or two Duels in Hyde Park and +behind Montagu House, in which I had the honour to be concerned as +Second,--and in one of which I engaged the Second of my Patron's +Adversary, and succeeded, by two dexterous side slices, in Quincing his +face as neatly as a housewife would slice Fruit for a Devonshire Squab +Pie,--gained me the notice of some of the Highest Nobility, to whom I +was otherwise recommended by the easiness of my Manners, and the amenity +of my Language. The young Earl of Modesley did in particular affect me, +and I was of Service to his Lordship on many most momentous and delicate +Occasions. For upwards of Six Months I was sumptuously entertained in +his Lordship's Mansion in Red Lion Square;--a Kind of Hospitality, +indeed, which he was most profuse in the dispensation of:--there being +at the same time in the House a French Dancing-Master, an Italian +Singer, a Newmarket Horse-Jockey, and a Domestic Chaplain, that had been +unfrocked for too much fighting of Cocks and drinking of Cider with +clowns at his Vicarage; but to whom the Earl of Modesley was always a +fast friend. Unfortunate Young Nobleman! He died of a malignant Fever at +Avignon, just before attaining his Thirtieth Year! His intentions +towards me were of the most Bounteous Description; and he even, being +pleased to say that I was a good-looking Fellow enough, and come to an +Age when it behoved me to be settled in Life, proposed that I should +enter in the bonds of Wedlock with one Miss Jenny Lightfoot, that had +formerly been a Milliner in Liquorpond Street, but who, when his +Lordship introduced me to her, lived in most splendid Lodgings under the +Piazza, Covent Garden, and gave the handsomest Chocolate Parties to the +Young Nobility that ever were seen. So Boundless was his Lordship's +generosity that he offered to bestow a portion of Five Hundred Pounds on +Miss Lightfoot if she would become Madame Dangerous--said portion to be +at my absolute disposal--and to give me besides a long Lease at a +Peppercorn Rent of a Farm of his in Wiltshire. The Match, however, came +to nothing. I was not yet disposed to surrender my Liberty; and, indeed, +the Behaviour of Miss Lightfoot, while the Treaty of Alliance between us +was being discussed, did not augur very favourably for our felicity in +the Matrimonial State. Indeed, she was pleased to call me Rogue, +Gambler, Bully, Led Captain, and many other uncivil names. She snapped +off the silver hilt of my dress-sword (presented to me after I had +fought the Second in Hyde Park), and obstinately refused to restore that +gewgaw to me, telling me that she had given it to her Landlady (one +Mother Bishopsbib, a monstrous Fat Woman, that was afterwards Carted, +and stood in the Pillory in Spring Gardens, for evil practices) in part +payment for rent-owing. Moreover, she wilfully spoilt my best periwig by +overturning a Chocolate Mill thereupon; and otherwise so misconducted +herself that I bade her a respectful Farewell,--she leaving the marks of +her Nails on my face as a parting Gift,--and told my Lord Modesley that +I would as lief wed a Roaring Dragon as this Termagant of the Piazza. +This Refusal brought about a Rupture between myself and my Lord. He was +imprudent enough to talk about my Ingratitude, to tell me that the very +coat on my back was bought and paid for with his Money, and to threaten +to have me kicked out of doors by two of his Tall Lacqueys. But I +speedily let him have a piece of my Mind. "My Lord," says I, going up to +him, and thrusting my face full in his, "you will be pleased to know +that I am a Gentleman, whose ancestors were ennobled centuries before +your rascally grandfather got his peerage for turning against the true +King." + +He began to murmur something (as many have done before when my blood +was up, and I have mentioned Royalty) about my being "a Jacobite." + +"I'll Jacobite your jacket for you, you Jackadandy!" I retorted. "You +have most foully insulted me. I know your Lordship's ways well. If I +sent you a cartel, you and your whippersnapper Friends would sneer at +it, because I am poor, and fling Led Captain in my teeth. You won't +fight with a poor Gentleman of the Sword. I am too much of a Man of +Honour to waylay you at night, and give you the private Stab, as you +deserve; but so sure as you are your father's son, if you don't make me +this instant a Handsome Apology, I will cudgel you till there is not a +whole bone in your body." + +The young Ruffian--he was not such a coward as Squire Pinchin, but +rather murderous--makes no more do, but draws upon me. I caught up a +quarter-staff that lay handy (for we were always exercising ourselves at +athletic amusements), struck the weapon from his grasp, and hit him a +sounding thwack across the shins that brought him down upon his +marrow-bones. + +"Below the Belt!" he cries out, holding up his hands. "Foul! foul!" + +"Foul be hanged!" I answered. "I'm not going to fight, but to Beat You;" +and I rushed upon him, shortening the Staff, and would have belaboured +him Soundly, but that he saw it was no use contending against John +Dangerous, and very humbly craved a parley. He Apologised as I had +Demanded, and lent me Twenty Guineas, and we parted on the most friendly +terms. + +This Lord essayed, notwithstanding, to do me much harm in Town, saying +that I had used him with black Cruelty, had re-requited his many favours +with gross Treachery, and the like Falsehoods, until I was obliged to +send him a Message to this purport: that unless he desisted, I should be +obliged to keep my promise as to the Cudgel. Upon which he presently +surceased. So much meanness had he, even, as to fudge up a pretended +debt of nineteen guineas against me as for money lent, for the which I +was arrested by bailiffs and conveyed--being taken at Jonathan's--to a +vile spunging-house in Little Bell Alley, Moorfields; but the keeper of +the House stood my friend, and procured a Bail for me in the shape of an +Honest Gentleman, who was to be seen every day about Westminster Hall +with a straw in his shoe, and for a crown and a dinner at the +eating-house would suddenly become worth five hundred a year, or at +least swear himself black in the face that such was his estate:--which +was all that was required. And when it came to justifying of Bail before +the Judges, what so easy as to hire a suit of clothes in Monmouth +Street, and send him into court fully equipped as a reputable gentleman? +However, there was no occasion for this, for on the very night of my +enlargement I won fifty guineas at the tables; and walking very Bold to +my Lord's House, sends up the nineteen guineas to my Lord with a note, +asking to what lawyer I should pay the cost of suit, and whether I +should wait upon him at his Levee for a receipt. On the which he, still +with the fear of a cudgelling before his eyes, sends me down a Receipt +in Full, _and the Money back to boot_, begging me to trouble myself in +no way about the lawyer; which, I promise you, I did not. And so an end +of this troublesome acquaintance,--a profitable one enough to me while +it lasted. As for Miss Jenny, her Behaviour soon became as light as her +name. I have heard that she got into trouble about a Spanish Merchant +that was flung down stairs and nigh killed, and that but for the Favour +of Justice Cogwell, who had a hankering for her, 'twould have been a +Court-Job. Afterwards I learnt that she had been seen beating Hemp in +Bridewell in a satin sack laced with silver; and I warrant that she was +fain to cry, "Knock! oh, good Sir Robert, knock!" many a time before the +Blue-coated Beadles on court day had done swingeing of her. + +There are certain periods in the life even of the most fortunate man +when his Luck is at a desperately low ebb,--when everything seems to go +amiss with him,--when nothing that he can turn his hand to prospers,--when +friends desert him, and the companions of his sunshiny days chide him +for not having made better use of his opportunities,--when, Do what he +will, he cannot avert the Black Storm,--when Ruin seems impending, and +Catastrophe is on the cards,--when he is Down, in a word, and the +despiteful are getting ready to gibe at him in his Misfortune, and to +administer unto him the last Kick. These times of Trial and Bitter +Travail ofttimes strike one who has just attained Middle age,--the +Halfway-House of Life; and then, 'tis the merest chance in the world +whether he will be enabled to pick himself up again, or be condemned for +evermore to poverty and contumely,--to the portion of weeds and out-worn +faces. I do confess that about this period of my career things went very +badly with me, and that I was grievously hard-driven, not alone to make +both ends meet, but to discover anything that could have its ending in a +Meal of Victuals. I have heard that some of the greatest Prelates, +Statesmen, Painters, Captains, and Merchants--I speak not of Poets, for +it is their eternal portion, seemingly, to be born, to live, and to Die +Poor--have suffered the like straits at some time or another of their +lives. Many times, however, have I put it on record in these pages, that +Despair and I were never Bedfellows. As for Suicide, I do condemn it, +and abhor it utterly, as the most cowardly, Dishonest, and unworthy +Method to which a Man can resort that he may rid himself of his +Difficulties. To make a loathsome unhandsome corpse of yourself, and +deny yourself Christian Burial, nay, run the risk of crowner's quest, +and interment at the meeting of four cross-roads with a Stake driven +through your Heart. Oh, 'tis shameful! Hang yourself, forsooth! why +should you spend money in threepenny cord, when Jack Ketch, if you +deserve it, will hang you for nothing, and the County find the rope? +Take poison! why, you are squeamish at accepting physic from the doctor, +which may possibly do you good. Why, then, should you swallow a vile +mess which you are _certain_ must do you harm? Fall upon your sword, as +Tully--I mean Brutus--or some of those old Romans, were wont to do when +the Game was up! In the first place, I should like to see the man, +howsoever expert a fencer, who could so tumble on his own blade and kill +himself. 'Tis easier to swallow a sword than to fall upon one, and the +first is quite as much a Mountebank's Trick as t'other. Blow your brains +out! A mighty fine climax truly, to make a Horrible Mess all over the +floor, and frighten the neighbours out of their wits, besides, as a +waggish friend of mine has it, rendering yourself stone-deaf for life. +If it comes to powder and ball, why, a Man of courage would much sooner +blow out somebody else's Brains instead of his own. + +I did not, I am thankful to say, want Bread during this my time of ill +luck; and I never parted with my sword; but sure it is that Jack +Dangerous was woundily pushed, and had to adopt many extraordinary +shifts for a livelihood. _Item:_ I engaged myself to one Mr. O'Teague, +an Irishman, that had been a pupil of the famous Mr. Figg, Master of the +Noble Art of Self-Defence, at his Theatre of Arms, on the right hand +side of the Oxford Road, near Adam and Eve Court. Mr. Figg was, as is +well known, the very Atlas of the Sword; and Mr. O'Teague's body was a +very Mass of Scars and Cicatrices gotten in hand-to-hand conflicts with +the broadsword on the public stage. He had once presumed to rival Mr. +Figg, whence arose a cant saying of the time, "A fig for the Irish;" but +having been honourably vanquished by him, even to the slicing of his +nose in two pieces, the cracking of his crown in sundry places, and the +scoring of his body as though it had been a Loin of Pork for the +Bakehouse, he was taken into his service, and became a principal figure +in all the grand gladiatorial encounters, at wages of forty shillings a +week and his meat. As for Mr. Figg himself, who was as good at backsword +as at broadsword, at quarter-staff as at foil, and at fisticuffs as any +one of them,--to say nothing of his Cornish wrestling,--I saw him once, +and shall never forget him. There was a Majesty blazed in his +countenance and shone in all his actions beyond all I ever beheld. His +right leg bold and firm; and his Left, which could hardly ever be +disturbed, gave him the surprising advantages he so often proved, and +struck his Adversary with Despair and Panic. He had that peculiar way of +stepping in, in a Parry, which belongs to the Grand School alone; he +knew his arm, and its just time of moving; put a firm faith in that, and +never let his foe escape a parry. He was just as much as great a master +as any I ever saw, as he was a greater judge of time and Measure. It was +his method, when he fought in his Amphitheatre, to send round to a +select number of his scholars to borrow a shirt for the ensuing combat, +and seldom failed of half-a-dozen of superfine Holland from his prime +Pupils. Most of the young Nobility and Gentry made it a part of their +education to march under his warlike banner. Most of his Scholars were +at every battle, and were sure to exult at their great master's +victories; every person supposing he saw the wounds his shirt received. +Then Mr. Figg would take an opportunity to inform his Lenders of the +charm their Linen had received, with an offer to send the garments home; +but he seldom received any other answer than "Hang you, keep it." A most +ingenious and courageous person, and immeasurably beyond all his +competitors, such as O'Teague, Will Holmes, Felix Maguire, Broughton, +Sutton, and the like. + +Many good bouts with all kinds of weapons did we have at Mr. O'Teague's +theatre, which was down a Stable-yard behind Newport Market, not far +from Orator Henley's chapel. The shirt manoeuvre we tried over and +over again with varying success; but we found it in the end impossible +to preserve order among our Patrons, the greater part of whom were +Butchers; and I am fain to admit that many of these unctuous sky-blue +jerkins could fight as well as we. Then Mr. O'Teague was much given to +drinking, and in his potations quarrelsome. 'Twas all very well +fighting on a stage for profit, and with the chance of applause, a clean +shirt, and perchance a Right Good Supper given to us by our admirers +afterwards at some neighbouring Tavern; but I never could see the humour +of Swashbuckling for nothing, and without occasion; and as my Employer +was somewhat too prompt to call in cold iron when his Head was so Hot, I +shook hands with him, and bade him find another assistant. This was the +Mr. O'Teague that was afterwards so unfortunate as to be hanged at +Tyburn for devalising a gentleman at Roehampton. Great interest was made +to save him, his very prosecutor (who knew not at the first his +assailant, or that he had been driven to the road by hard times) heading +the signatures to a petition for him. But 'twas all in vain. He made a +beautiful end of it in a fine white nightcap fringed; and his funeral +was attended by some of the most eminent swordsmen in town, who had a +gallant set-to afterwards for the benefit of his widow. 'Tis sad to +think of the numbers of brave men that I have known, and how many of +them are Hanged. + +About this time I was much with the Players, but misliked them +exceedingly; and although numbers of brilliant offers were made to me, I +could not be persuaded to try the sock and buskin. Hard as were the +names by which my enemies would sometimes call me, I could never abide +that of Rogue and Vagabond, and such, by Act of Parliament, was the +player at that time. No, I said, whatever straits I am driven to, I will +be a Soldier of Fortune, and Captain Dangerous to the last. + +Of my Adventure with Madam Taffetas the Widow, I am not disposed to say +much. Indeed, until my being finally settled, and made the Happiest Man +upon earth by my union with the departed Saint who was the mother of my +Lilias, it must be admitted that my commerce with the Sex was mostly of +the unluckiest description. I have been used most shamefully by women; +but it behoves me not to complain, seeing how much felicity I was +permitted to enjoy in my latter days. This much, however, I will +discreetly set down. That meeting Madam Taffetas in a side box at Drury +Lane play-house, She was pleased to accept my Addresses, and to inform +me that my conversation was in the highest degree tasteful to her. I +entertained her very handsomely--indeed much beyond my means, for I was +very heavily in debt for necessaries, and I could scarcely walk the +streets without apprehensions of the grim Sergeant with his capias. +Madam Taffetas was an exceedingly comely person, amazingly well dressed, +and, as I was given to understand, in very prosperous circumstances. She +kept an Italian Warehouse by the Sign of The two Olive Posts, in the +broad part of the Strand, almost opposite to Exeter Change, and sold all +sorts of Italian Silks, Lustrings, Satins, Paduasoys, Velvets, Damasks, +Fans, Leghorn Hats, Flowers, Violin Strings, Books of Essences, Venice +Treacle, Balsams, Florence Cordials, Oil, Olives, Anchovies, Capers, +Vermicelli, Bologna Sausages, Parmesan Cheese, Naples Soap, and similar +delicate cates from foreign parts. All her friends put her down as a +forty-thousand-pounder. In Brief, she professed to be satisfied with my +gentility and Ancient Lineage, though worldly goods I had none to offer +her. All congratulated me on my Good Fortune; and not wanting to make +any unnecessary bustle about the affair, we took coach one fine Monday +morning down to Fleet Market, and were married by a Fleet parson--none +other, indeed, than my old friend Chaplain Hodge, who had taken to this +way of life and found it very profitable, marrying his twenty or thirty +couple a week, when Business was brisk, at fees varying from five +guineas to seven-and-sixpence, and from a dozen of Burgundy to half a +pint of Geneva. But 'twas a rascally business, the venerable man said, +and he sorely longed for the good old days when he, and I, and Squire +Pinchin, made the Grand Tour together. Alas, for that poor little man! +His Reverence told me that he had gone from bad to worse; that his Mamma +had married a knavish lawyer, who so bewildered Mr. Pinchin with +Mortgages, and Deeds of Gift, and Loans at usurious interest, that he +got at last the whole of his property from him, brought him in many +thousands in debt besides, and, after keeping him for three years locked +up and half-starved in the Compter, was only forced to consent to his +enlargement when the unhappy little man--whose head was never of the +strongest, and his wits always going a wool-gathering--went +stark-staring mad, and was, by the City charity, removed to Bedlam +Hospital in Moorfields. There he raved for a time, imagining himself to +be the Pope of Rome, with a paper-cap for a tiara, an ell-wand for a +crosier, a blanket for a rochet, and bestowing his blessings on the +other Maniacs with much force and vehemence; and there, poor demented +creature, he died in the year 1740. + +Much better would it have been for me, had I gone straight off my Head +and had been sent to howl in Bedlam, than that I should have married +that same thievish catamaran, Madam Taffetas. Surely never Madman +deserved a Dark House and a Whip more than I did for that most foolishly +contracted union. I defy Calumny to prove that I ever used anything +approaching false Representations in this matter. I told her plainly +that my Hand, Sword, and Deep Devotion were all I had to offer, and that +for mere vile pounds, shillings, and pence, and other Mercantile +Arrangements, I must look to her. Absolutely I borrowed ten pieces, +although I was then at a very Low Ebb, to defray the expenses of the +wedding Treat, which was done most handsomely at the Bible and Crown, in +Pope's Head Alley, Cornhill. "Now then," I said to myself, as we came +home towards the Strand (for we were resolved to have no foolish +honeymooning in the Country, but to remain in town and keep an eye to +Business)--"now then, Jack Dangerous, thou art at last Married and +Settled, and need trouble thyself no more about the cares and anxieties +of money-grubbing and bread-getting. Thou art tiled-in handsomely, Jack; +thatched and fenced, and girt about with Comfort and Respectability. +Thy hat is on, and thy house is covered." Alas, poor fool! alas, triply +distilled zany and egregiously doting idiot! No sooner did a Hackney +coach set us down at the Leghorn Warehouse in the broad part of the +Strand, than we found Margery the maid and Tom the shopboy in a great +confusion of tears on the threshold; and immediately afterwards we heard +that during our absence to get married, Bailiffs had made their +entrance, and seized all the Merchandise for a bill owing by Madam +Taffetas to her Factor of Seven Hundred Pounds. The false Quean that I +was wedded to was hopelessly bankrupt, and with the greatest impudence +in the world she calls upon me to pay the Money; the Bailiffs adding, +with a grin, that to their knowledge she owed much more than their +Execution stood for, and that no doubt, so soon as it was bruited abroad +that I was her Husband, the Sheriff of Middlesex would have something to +say to me in the way of a capias against my person. In vain did I Rave +and Swear, and endeavour to show that I could in no way be held liable +for Debts which I had never contracted. Such, I was told, was the Law; +and such it remains to this day, to the Great Scandal of justice, and +the detriment of Gentlemen cavalieros who may be entrapped into marrying +vulgar Adventuresses whom they deem Gentlewomen of Property, and who +turn out instead to be not worth two-pence-halfpenny in the world. Nor +were words wanting to add dire Insult to this astounding Injury; for +Madam Taffetas, now Dangerous, as I groaningly remembered, must needs +call me Mercenary Rascal, Shuffling Pickthank, Low-minded +Fortune-hunter, and the like unkind names. + +Madam Dangerous indeed! But I am thankful to Providence that the title +she assumed very soon fell away from her, and that I was once more left +free and Independent. For whilst we were in the very midst of Hot +Dispute and violent Recrimination comes a great noise at the door as +though some one were striving to Batter it down. And then Margery the +maid and Tom the shop-lad began to howl and yelp again, crying out +Murder and thieves, and that they were undone, the Bailiffs smoking +their Pipes and drinking their Beer meanwhile, as though they enjoyed +the Humours of the Scene hugely, and my wicked wife now pretending to +faint, and now making at me with the avowed Design of tearing my eyes +out. Presently comes lurching and staggering into the room a Great +Hulking Brute of a Man that was attired like a Sea Captain; and this +Roystering Tarpaulin makes up without more ado to my Precious Partner, +gives her two sounding Busses on either side of her cheeks, and salutes +her as his wife. + +"Your wife!" I cried, starting up; "why, she's my wife! I married her +this very morning, and to my sorrow, before Parson Hodge, the +Couple-Beggar, at the Fleet." + +"That may be, Brother," answers the Sea Captain, with drunken gravity; +"but she's my wife, for all that. You married her this morning, you say. +I married her five years ago, at Horsleydown, and in the Parish church. +I've got the 'Stifficate to prove it; and though I say it that +shouldn't, there's not a Finer woman, with a neater ankle and such a +Devil of a temper, to be found 'twixt Beachy Head and Cape Horn." + +"A fig for both of you," bellows Madam Taffetas, who had gone into one +of her Sham Faints in the arm-chair, but was now conveniently recovered +again. "If I'm married to both of you--to you, you pitiless Grampus" +(this was to the Sea Captain), "and to you, Ruffian, Bully, and +Stabster" (this was to _me_), "I'm married to somebody else, and my real +Husband is a Gentleman, who, if he were here, would quoit the pair of +you into the street from Exeter Change to the Fox under the Hill." + +She said this in one Scream, and then Fainted, or pretended to Faint +again. + +"Brother," said the Sea Captain to me, staggering a little (for he +confessed to having much mixed punch under hatches), but still very +grave,--"brother, I think as how it's clear that we're both of us d--d +fools, and d--d lucky fellows at the same time." + +"Amen!" cries one of the Bailiffs, with a guffaw. + +"_You_ belay," remarked the Captain, turning towards the vermin of Law +with profound disdain. "Brother" (turning to me), "is the Press out?" + +"What do you mean?" I inquired. "You know that there's no warrant for +press-gangs in this part of the Liberties of Westminster." + +"Liberty be Hanged!" quoth the Sea Captain. "If there was any liberty, +there couldn't be a press, for which I don't care a groat, for I'm a +master mariner. This is what I mean. Is them landlubbers there part of a +press-gang? Are you trapped, brother? Are you in the bilboes? Are you in +any danger of being put under hatches?" + +"Why," upspoke one of the Bailiffs, answering for me, "the truth is that +we are Sheriff's Sergeants, and have made seizure, according to due writ +of _fi. fa._ of this worthy lady's goods. We've nothing at all against +the gentleman who says that he married her this morning; but as you +said that you married her five years ago, it's very likely that we, or +some of our mates, shall have something to say to you, in the form of +parchment, between this and noon to-morrow." + +"Very well," answers the Strange Seaman. "You speak like a Man o' War's +chaplain, some Lies and some Lingo, but all of it d--d Larned. Have you +got ere a drop of rum, brother?" + +"There's nothing here but some Three-Thread Swipes," responds Mr. +Bailiff; "and, indeed, we were waiting until the gentleman treated us to +something better." + +"Then," continues the Captain, "you shall have some rum. Younker, go and +fetch these gentlemen some liquor;" and he flings a crown to the +shop-lad. "You may drink your grog and blow your baccy," he went on, "as +long as ever you like, and much good may it do you. And as for you, +Pig-faced Nan,"--in this uncivil manner did he address the false Madam +Taffetas,--"you may go to bed, or to the Devil, 'zactly as you choose, +and settle your Business with the Bailiffs in the morning 'zactly as you +like. And you and I, brother," he wound up, taking me by the arm in +quite a friendly manner, "will just go and take our grog and blow our +baccy in peace and quietness, and thank the Lord for it." + +All this he said with great thickness and indistinctness of utterance, +but with an immovable gravity of countenance. I never saw a Man who was +manifestly so Drunk speak so sensibly, and behave himself in such a +proper manner in my life. + +As he turned on his heel to leave the parlour where all this took place, +I saw one of the Bailiffs rise stealthily as if to follow us. + +"Belay there!" the Captain cried, advancing his mahogany paw in a +warning manner. "Hold hard, shipmates. I'm a peaceable man, and aboard +they call me Billy the Lamb; but, by the Lord Harry, if I catch you +sneaking about, or trying to find out where I and this noble gentleman +be agoing, I'm blest if I don't split your skull in two with this here +speaking-trumpet." And so saying the Captain produced a very long tin +tube, such as Mariners carry to make their voices heard at a distance at +sea, but which they generally have aboard, and do not carry with them in +their walks. + +The Bailiffs were sensible men, and forbore to intermeddle with us any +more. So we marched out of the House, it being now about nine o'clock at +night; and, upon my word, from that moment to this, I never set eyes +upon Madam Taffetas, or Dangerous, or Blokes,--for the Sea Captain's +name, he afterwards told me, was Blokes,--or whatever her real name was. +It is very certain that she used me most scandalously, and cruelly +betrayed the trusting confidence of one that was not only a Bachelor, +but an Orphan. + +Captain Blokes was a strange character. We had a grand Carouse that +night, he paying the Shot like a gentleman; and over our flowing Bowls, +he told me that he had long had suspicions of his wife's real +character; and was, indeed, in possession of evidence (though he had +kept it secret) to prove that she had given herself in marriage to +another man before she had wedded him. And then, through the +serving-lad, he had heard that very morning, on his coming into the Pool +from Gravesend and Foreign Parts, that Madam, who thought him in China +at least, and hoped him Dead, was about to enter into Wedlock once +again; so that, determined to have Sport, he had well Primed himself +with Punch, and lurked about the neighbourhood until Monsieur Tomfool +and his Spouse (by which I mean myself, although no other man should +call me so) had come home from the Fleet. And so all the Crying, and +Lord ha' Mercies, of the Wench and the Boy, were all subterfuges; and +they knew very well, the sly rogues, that the Sea Captain would soon be +to the Fore. + +Nothing would suit him after this but that we should have Supper at the +King of Prussia's Head, in the Savoy, and, as I had given up my Lodgings +as not Grand enough for me on the eve of my wedding, and the Vessel of +which he was Commander was lying in the Pool, that we should have +Beds--at his charges--at the same Tavern; and, indeed, your Seafaring +Men, although rough enough, and smelling woundily of tar and +bilge-water, are the most Hospitable Creatures breathing; and that makes +Me so free with my Money when there is a treat afoot; albeit I can, +without Vanity, declare myself Amphibious, for I have seen as much +service by Sea as by Land, and have always approved myself a Gentleman +of Courage, Honour, and Discretion, on both Elements. + +The next morning, after a Nip of Aquavitae, to clear the Cobwebs out of +our throats, we went down to Billingsgate, where we saw my old humorous +acquaintances, Brandy Sall, the fishwife, and the humorous porter, the +Duke of Puddledock; likewise a merry Wag that did porterage work for the +Fish Factors in the Market, and thereby seemed to have caught somewhat +of the form of the fish beneath which his shoulders were continually +groaning, so that all who could take that liberty with him called him +Cod's Head and Shoulders. Here we breakfasted on new Oysters and Fried +Flounders, with a lappet of Kippered Salmon, for Goodman Thirst's sake, +and a rare bowl of hot Coffee, which made us relish a Jug of Punch +afterwards in a highly jocund manner. And then we fell to conversation; +and I, who had nothing to Conceal, and nothing to be Ashamed of, did +recount those of my Adventures which I deemed would be most diverting +(for I forbore to tell him those which were tedious and uneventful) to +Captain Blokes. And he, not to be behindhand in frank confidence, told +me how many years he had been at sea; how many merchant vessels he had +commanded; and what Luck he had had in his divers Trading Adventures. +Likewise, that he was now under engagement with some very worthy +Merchants of Bristol, to man, equip, and command a vessel called the +_Marquis_, which, in company with two others, the _Hope_ and the +_Delight_, were about to undertake a Cruising Voyage round the World. +Finding from my speech that I was not wholly unaccustomed to the Sea, +and being made acquainted with what I had done in the West Indies and +elsewhere, Captain Blokes was pleased to say that I was the very man for +him, if I would join him. And at this time, in verity, it seemed as +though nothing could suit me better; for my Resources were quite +exhausted, and I was brought very Low. So, after some further parley, +and a good Beefsteak and Onions, and a bottle of Portugee Wine for +dinner, we went to the Scrivener's in Thames Street, by the name of +Pritchett, that was Agent for the Company of Merchant Adventurers at +Bristol; and an Agreement was drawn up, by which, for Fifty Shillings a +month pay, all due rations and allowances, and a certain proportion of +the profits to be divided among the Ship's Company at the termination of +our Adventure, I bound myself to serve Captain Blokes as Secretary and +Purser of the ship _Marquis_. + +"Which means," says he, when we had taken a Dram and shaken hands on +signing articles, "that you are to Write, Fight, Drink, and keep +Accompts, play put with me in the Cabin, assist me in preserving the +Discipline of the Ship, sing a good song when you are called upon, help +the Doctor to take care of the sick, and see that the Steward don't +steal the Grog and Tobacco; and if you'll stick to me, by the Lord +Harry, Billy Blokes will stick to you. I like you because you were such +a d--d fool as to go and marry that old woman." + +The next day we took Coach at the Swan, by Paddington Church, for +Bristol, and two days afterwards arrived at that great and flourishing +Mercantile city. Nothing worthy of note on the road; the Highwaymen, +that were wont to be so troublesome, being mostly put down, owing to +Justice Fielding and De Vit's stringent measures. We were much beset +with gangs of wild Irish coming over from their own country a-harvesting +in our fertile fields; and those gentry were like to have bred a riot, +quarrelling with the English husbandmen at Stow. Being at Bristol, +comfortably housed at the Bible and Crown in Wine Street,--the landlord +much given to swearing, but one of the best hands at making of Mum that +ever I knew,--Captain Blokes had great work in settling business with +the Company of Merchant Adventurers and Alderman Quarterbutt, their +President. As it seems we were at war with the French and Spaniards, the +_Marquis_ (burden about 320 tons) was to carry twenty-six guns and a +complement of 108 men, letters of marque being granted to us by private +Commission, with secret instruction as to Prizes and Plunder, so that +the disposal of both should redound to the advantage of the Mariners, +the Profit of our Employers, and the honour of His Majesty's arms. We +had nigh double the usual complement of officers usual in private ships, +to prevent Mutinies, which ofttimes happen in long voyages, and that we +might have a large provision for a succession of officers in case of +Mortality. In the _Marquis_ we had Captain Blokes, commander-in-chief of +the whole Armament, a Mariner; a Second Captain, who was a Dr. of +Physick, and also acted as President of our Committee (having much +book-learning), and Commander of the Marines; two Leftenants; a Sailing +Master; a Pilot that was well acquainted with the South Seas, having +been in those latitudes twice before; a Surgeon and his Mate, or +Loblolly Boy; Self as Secretary and Purser; two young lawyers, designed +to act as Midshipmen; Giles Cash, as Reformado,--that was the title of +courtesy given to those who were sent to sea in lieu of being hanged; a +Gunner and his crew; a Boatswain, cooper, carpenter, sailmaker, smith, +and armourer, ship's corporal, Sergeant of Marines, cook; a Negro that +could shave and play the fiddle; and the Ship's company as aforesaid, +one-third of whom were foreigners of every nation under the Sun; and of +those that were His Majesty's subjects, many Tinkers, Tailors, +Haymakers, Pedlars, &c.--a terribly mixed Gang, requiring much +three-strand cord to keep 'em in order. + +On the 2nd August, 1748, we weighed from King's Road, by Bristol, and at +ten at night, having very little wind, anchored between the Holms and +Minehead. Coming on a fresh gale at S.E. and E.S.E., we ran by Minehead +at six in the morning. Next day the wind veered to N.E. and E.N.E.; on +the 4th there was but little wind, and smooth water; on the 5th we saw +Land; and finding that we had overshot our port, which was Cork, came to +an anchor at noon off the two rocks near Kinsale. At eight at night we +weighed, having a Kinsale Pilot on board, who was like to have +endangered our safety, the night being dark and foggy, and the Pilot not +understanding his Business; so that he nearly turned us into the next +Bay to the westward of Cork, which provoked Captain Blokes to chastise +him publicly on the quarter-deck. Our two consorts got into Cork before +us, and we did not anchor in the Cove until the 7th August, at three in +the afternoon. We stayed here until the 28th of the month, getting in +stores and provisions, and replacing as many of our tailors and +haymakers as we could with real Sailors that could work the Ship. Our +crew, however, were continually Marrying while we were at Cork, to the +great Merriment of Self and Captain Blokes, who had seen enough and to +spare of that Game; but they _would_ be Spliced, although they expected +to sail immediately; among others, there was a Danish man coupled by a +Romish Priest to an Irish woman, without understanding a word of each +other's language, so that they were forced to use an Interpreter; yet I +perceived this pair seemed more afflicted at separation than any of the +rest. The Fellow continued melancholy for many days after we were at +Sea. The rest, understanding each other and the world better, drank +their cans of Flip till the very last Minute, concluded with a health to +our good voyage and their next Happy Meeting, and then Departed, quite +unconcerned. + +We took sailing orders on the 1st of September; and then Captain Blokes +discovered to the crew whither we were bound,--that is to say, on a four +years' voyage,--in order that, if any Disorders should arise among us, +we might exchange our Malcontents while in company with one of His +Majesty's ships. But no complaint was found on board the _Marquis_, +except from one fellow who was expected to have been Tithing man that +year in his Parish, and said his wife would be obliged to pay Forty +shillings in his absence; but seeing all hands satisfied, he was easily +quieted, and drank with the rest to a prosperous voyage. On the 2nd +September we, having cleaned and tallowed our ship's five streaks below +the Water-line, the fiddler struck up "Lumps o' Pudding," and to follow +that "Cold and Raw," the Ship's company joining chorus with a will, and +so fell down to the Spit End by the _Culloden_ Man of War, as our two +Consorts had done the Night before. When we came to the Spit End, +Captain Blokes saluted the _Culloden_ with seven Guns, to which they +returned Five in courtesy, and then we again Three for thanks. And so +commenced my Journey round the World. + + + + +CHAPTER THE SECOND. + +MERCATOR HIS PROJECTION, AND WHAT CAME OF IT. + + +MEANING simply this, that I have often and often, as a little Lad, gazed +upon the Great Map--very yellow, and shiny, and cracked on its canvas +mounting it was--of the World, upon Mercator's Projection, and devoutly +longed for the day to arrive when it might be my fortune to make a +Voyage of Circumnavigation. Such a Map, I remember, hung in the +Schoolroom at Gnawbit's; and I have often been cruelly beaten for gazing +at it and pondering over it, instead of endeavouring to commit to memory +a quantity of Words, the meaning of which I could not for the life of me +understand. + +Now, indeed, I had got my Desire, and was going round the World in a +Ship well found with Men and Stores, occupying myself a responsible +position, and one giving me some Authority, and enjoying the full +Confidence of my Commander, who was, both when sober and inebriated (and +he was mostly the latter), one of the most sagacious men I ever knew. He +spoke seldom, and then generally with a Hiccup; but what he said was +always to the Purpose. I doubt not, if Captain Blokes had been in the +Royal Navy, he would by this time be flying his pendant as Admiral. + +'Twould fill a volume to give you a Narrative, however brief, of our +Voyage. One does not go round the World quite so easily as a Cit taking +a Wherry from Lambeth Walk to Chelsea Reach. No, no, my Masters; there +are Perils to encounter, Obstacles to overcome, Difficulties to +surmount; and I flatter myself that Jack Dangerous was not found wanting +when a Stout Heart, a Strong Hand, and a Clear Head were needed. I +repeat that 'tis impossible for me to give you an exact Log of so +lengthy a Cruise; and you must needs be content if I set down a few +bare Items of the most notable Things that befell us. + +On 11th September we chased a strange Sail, and after three hours came +up with her. She proved to be a Swedishman. After firing a couple of +shots at full Random at her, to show that we meant Mischief if provoked, +and one of which Shots, I believe, passed over her Taffrail, and killed +a Black Servant and the Captain's Monkey, Captain Blokes boarded her in +his Yall; examined the Master, and searched the Ship for Contraband of +War; but not finding any save a suspicious quantity of salted Reindeer's +Tongues, our Committee agreed that she could not be considered a lawful +Prize; and not being willing to hinder time by carrying her into any +Harbour for further Examination, we let her go without the least +Embezzlement. The Master gave us a dozen of his Reindeer Tongues, and a +piece of dry Rufft Beef; and we presented him with a dozen bottles of +Red-streak Cider. But while Captain Blokes and the Doctor of Physic and +Self were aboard the Swede taking a social Glass with him, our rascally +crew took it into their heads to Mutiny, their Grievance being that the +vessel was a Contraband, and ought to be made a Prize of. The plain +truth was, that the Rogues thirsted for Plunder. The Boatswain was one +of the Mutineers. Him we caused to receive Four Dozen from the hands of +his own Mates, and well laid on; about a dozen of the rest we put in +Irons, after having Drubbed 'em soundly, and fed 'em upon +Bread-and-Water; but at the end of a few days they begged Pardon, and, +on promising Amendment, were allowed to return to their Duty. + +18th September we came in sight of Pico Teneriffe, bearing S.W. by W., +distant about eight leagues. This day we spied a Sail under our Lee Bow, +between the Islands of Grand Canaries and Forteventura. She showed us a +clean Pair of Heels; but we gave Chase, and after seven hours came up +with her. She proved a Prize, safe enough: a Spanish Bark, about 25 +tons, with some 45 Passengers, who rejoiced much when they found we +were English, having fancied that we were Turks or Sallee Rovers. +Amongst our Prisoners were four Friars, and with them the Padre Guardian +of Forteventura, a good, honest old fellow, fat, and given to jollity. +Him we made heartily merry, drinking the Spanish King's Health, for +naught else would he Toast. After we had made all Snug, we stood to the +Westward with our Prize to Teneriffe, to have her ransomed, that is to +say, her Hull; for her Cargo was not worth redeeming, being extremely +shabby,--one or two Butts of Wine, a Hogshead of Brandy, and other small +matters, which we determined to keep for our own use. The Spanish Dons +made a mighty pother about paying, pleading that the Trade of these +Islands enjoyed an immunity from Privateering by arrangement between his +Catholic Majesty and the King of Great Britain, and were even seconded +by some English merchants of Teneriffe that were frightened at the +thought of the cruel Reprisals the Dons might exercise after we went +away, both on their Persons and Properties; for Jack Spaniard is one +that, if he cannot have Meal, will have Malt. But we soon let 'em know +that Possession was Nine Points of the Law, and that we were resolved to +stick to our Prize unless we got Ransom, which they presently agreed to. +At eight o'clock the next morning we stood into the Port, close to the +Town, and spied a Boat coming off, which proved to be the Deputy +Governor, a Spanish Don with as many names as an English pickpocket has +Aliases, and one Mr. Harbottle, that was English Vice-Consul. They +brought us Wine, Figs, Grapes, Hogs, and other Necessaries, as Ransom in +Kind for the Bark; and accordingly we restored her, as also the +Prisoners, with as much as we could find of what belonged to their +Persons; although, Truth to tell, some of our wild Reformadoes had used +them somewhat unhandsomely. All the Books, Crucifixes, Reliques, and +other superstitious things, we carefully gave back to the Friars; to the +Padre a large Cheese, at which he was much delighted; and to another +Religious, who had been stripped nearly as bare as a Robin, a pair of +Breeches and a Red Nightcap. And so stood off, giving Three Cheers for +King George, and one, with better luck next time, for the King of Spain; +and I doubt not that they cursed us heartily that same night in their +Churches, for Heretics. Now we had an indifferent good stock of Liquor, +to be the better able to endure the Cold when we got to the length of +Cape Horn, which, we were informed, had always very Cold Weather near +it. + +On the 25th, according to custom, we Ducked those that had never passed +the Tropic before. The manner of doing it was to reeve a Rope in the +Mainyard, to hoist 'em about half-way up to the Yard, and let 'em fall +at once into the Water; they being comfortably Trussed by having a Stick +'cross through their Legs, and well fastened to the Rope, that they +might not be surprised and let go their Hold. This proved of great use +to our Fresh-water Sailors, to recover the Colour of their Skins, which +had grown very Black and Nasty. Those that we Ducked in this manner +Three Times were about 60; and others that would not undergo it could +redeem themselves by a Fine of Half-a-Crown, to be Levied and Spent at a +Public Meeting of all the Ships' Companies when we returned to England. +The Dutchmen we had on board, and some few English, desired to be +Ducked, some six, others eight and ten times, to have the better title +for being Treated when they came home. + +On the 1st October we made St. Vincent, where our Water began to smell +insufferably; so had some Coopers from the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to make +us Casks, and take in a fresh Stock. + +On the 3d we sent a boat to St. Antonio, with one of our Gunners' Crew +that was a very fair Linguist, to get Truck for our Prize Goods what we +wanted; they having plenty of Cattle, Pigs, Goats, Fowls, Melons, +Potatoes, Limes, and ordinary Brandies, Tobacco, Indian Corn, &c. Our +people were very meanly stocked with Clothes; yet we were forced to +watch our men very narrowly, and Punish some of 'em smartly, to prevent +their selling what Garments they had, for mere Trifles, to the Negroes. + +We got all we wanted by the 8th; but our Linguist gave us leg-bail; and +as he was much given to telling of Lies, we did not go to the pains of +sending a party of Marines on shore after him. This is the place whither +the Blacks come from St. Nicholas to make Oil of Turtle for the +anointing of their Nasty Bodies withal. There was much good Green Turtle +at this time of the year, which made me think of my old Jamaica days; +but our men, in a body, refused to eat it, much preferring Salt Junk. + +_Item._--Many Flying Fish about here. + +Nothing more worthy of note till the 22d October, when Mr. Page, Second +Mate, made an attack on his superior officer, the Doctor of Physic, with +a Marline-spike; and, but for a very large Periwig he wore, which was +accounted odd in one having a Maritime Command, would have finished him. +Mr. Page was had to the Forecastle and clapped in the Bilboes, and +Captain Blokes was for Hanging him off-hand as an Example to the rest; +but I, as Secretary, pointed out to him that there was no Power of Life +and Death in our Instructions, and that it would be folly to run the +risk of a Praemunire when we made Home again. With much trouble I +succeeded in dissuading him from his Design: so that the Mate was only +lashed to the Main-gears and soundly Drubbed. Fair, pleasant Weather, +and a fresh Gale. One that had secreted a Peruke, and a pair of scarlet +Stockings with silver Clocks, out of the plunder of the Spanish Bark, +did also receive Rib-roasting enough (this was on a Sunday, after +Prayers) to last him for a fortnight. + +On the 10th of November, after a terrific Tornado and Thunder and +Lightning, that frightened some of our Tailors and Haymakers half into +Fits, we came to an Anchor in 22-fathom water, in a sandy bay off the +land of Brazil. Caught some Tortoises for their Shells, for they have +too strong a taste to be Eatable. A Portugee boat came from a Cove in +the Island of Grande, on our Starboard side, and said they had been +robbed by the French not long since. Captain Blokes, the Doctor, and +Self went ashore to Angre de Keys, as it is called in Sea-Draughts; but, +as the Portugee call it, Nostra Senora de la Concepcion, a small village +about three leagues distant, to wait on the Governor, and make him a +present of Butter and Cheese. As we neared the shore, the People, taking +us for Mounseers, fired a few Musquetoons at us, which did us no Hurt; +and when they found out who we were, they very Humbly Begged our Pardon. +The Friars invited us to their Convent, and told us they had been so +often stripped and abused by King Lewis's frog-eating Subjects, that +they were obliged to take measures to Defend themselves; and, indeed, +'twas these said Padres who had fired at us. The Governor was gone to +Rio Janeiro, a city about twelve leagues distant, but was expected back +next day. We got our empty Casks ashore, and sent our Carpenter, with a +friendly Portugee, to look out Wood for Trustle-trees, both our Main and +Fore being broke; but the Weather was so Wet and violent Sultry, that +we could do nothing. Here are abundant Graves of Dead Men; and the +Portugees told us that two great French ships, homeward bound from the +South Seas, that Watered in this same place about nine months before, +had buried nearly Half their men here; but 'twas at the Sickly season, +and the French have a marvellous foul way of Living. The people very +Civil; and we offered 'em handsome Gratuities if they would catch such +of our men as might run away, which they promised to do most Cheerfully. + +Hearing of a Brigantine (this was some days afterwards) at the entrance +of the Bay of Grande, we sent our Pinnace manned and armed to know all +about her. She turned out to be a Portugee laden with Negroes, poor +Creatures! for the Gold-mines. Our boat returned, and brought as +presents a Roove of Fine Sugar and a Pot of Sweetmeats from the Master, +who spoke a little English, and had formerly sailed with 'em. The +Portugees are cautious in saying how far it is to the Gold-mines; but, I +believe, the distance by water is not great; and there is certainly +abundance of Gold in the country. The French took about 1200_l._ worth +out of their boats last autumn at one Haul, which makes the Portugees +hate 'em so. Some of 'em brought us a Monstrous Creature which they had +killed, having Prickles or Quills like a Hedgehog, and the head and tail +of a Monkey. It stank abominably, which the Portugees said was only the +Skin, and that the Meat of it was very Delicious, and often used for the +table; but our men not being yet on Short Commons, none of 'em had +Stomach enough to try the Experiment, so that we were forced to throw it +overboard to make a Sweet Ship. Our people could now hardly go ashore +without being frightened, as they thought, by Tigers, and holloaing to +be taken aboard again; but there was nothing more dangerous hereabouts +than Apes and Baboons. + +Twenty-seventh November was a grand Festival at Angre de Keys, in honour +of one of their Saints. We, and most of our officers from the _Hope_ and +the _Delight_, went ashore and were received by the Governor, Signor +Raphael da Silva Lagos, with much civility. He asked if we would see the +Convent and Procession; and on our telling him our Religion differed +very much from his, answered that we were willing to see it without +partaking in the Ceremony. We waited on him in a Body, being ten of us, +with two Trumpets and Hautboys, which he desired might play us to +Church, where our Music did the office of an Organ, but separate from +the Singing, which was very well chanted by the Padres. Our Trumpets and +Hautboys played "Hey Boys, up go we!" and all manner of paltry noisy +tunes; and, after service, the Musicians, who were by this time more +than half-drunk, marched at the head of the Company: next to them an old +Padre and two Friars, carrying Lamps of Incense. Then the Image of the +Saint, as Fine as a Milkmaid's Garland, borne on a Bier, all spangled, +on the shoulders of four men, and bedizened out with Flowers, +Wax-candles, &c. After these, the Padre Guardian of the Convent, and +about forty Priests in their full Habits. Next came the Governor; +Captain Blokes, in a blue Navy Coat laced with Gold, a pair of +scarlet-velvet Breeches, and a Military Hat; and the rest of the English +officers in their very best Apparel. I was fit to die a-laughing, and +whispered to our Doctor of Physic, that had I known I was fated to walk +in such a Procession, I would never have sold my old Tower Warder's +slashed doublet to the Frippery Man in Monmouth Street, but would have +brought it round the World with me to wear at this Outlandish place. +Each of us had, moreover, in Compliment to his Saintship, a long Candle, +lighted, in his hand; the which gave us great Diversion, flaring the +tapers about, and seeking to smoke one another. The Ceremony held about +two hours, after which we were splendidly entertained at the Convent, +and then by the Governor at the Guard-house, his own habitation being +about three leagues off. It is to be noted, they Kneeled at every +Crossway, and turning, walked round the Convent, and came in at another +door, bowing down and paying their devotion to the Images and the +Wax-candles, with the like superstitious observances. They unanimously +told us, however, that they expected nothing from us but our Company; +and, beyond the Trumpets and Hautboys, and a jolly Song or two from us, +they had no more. Many Sharks were in the Road, that keep the Negro +Slaves in good order, should they, poor Black Fellows, attempt Escape to +any foreign ship by swimming to her. But the Portugees are not very hard +with their Negroes, save up at the Gold-mines, where Mercy is quite +unknown. _Aqua d'oro_ may be a very good Eye-water; but, sure, there's +nothing like it for hardening of the Heart. + +On the 28th of this Month we bade farewell to our kind friends of Angre +de Keys. Just before sailing we sent a Boat to the town for more +Necessaries, and brought off some Gentlemen, whom we treated to the very +best we could. They were very glorious, and in their Cups proposed the +Pope's Health to us; but we were quits with 'em by toasting that of the +Archbishop of Canterbury; and, to keep up the humour, we also proposed +Martin Luther: but this fell flat, as they had never Heard of him; +whereas that of his Grace at Lambeth turned out rather against us than +for us; for they cried out that they knew him very well, and that he was +a Catholic Saint, under the style and title of San Tomaso de Cantorberi. + +December 1st, we weighed with a breeze at N.E.; but later came on a gale +S.S.W., forcing us to anchor close under the Island of Grande. About 10 +next morning we weighed again, and bore away and steered away S.W. Now +the product of Brazil is well known to be Red Wood, Sugars, Gold, +Tobaccos (of every kind, and very choice), Whale Oil, Snuff, and several +sorts of Drugs. The Portugees build their best ships here. The people +very Martial; and 'tis but a few years since they would be under no +Government, but have now submitted to the House of Braganza, which makes +a Pretty Penny out of them. Their Customs are very nasty; their Houses +marvellously foul; and they are for ever smoking of Tobacco; but the +Portugees are still a very friendly folk, cordial to us English, +although they call us Heretics, and, but for their great love for +roasting Jews, very tender-hearted. I like them much better than those +Proud Paupers the Spaniards. A Beggar on Horseback is bad enough; but +Goodness deliver us from a Beggar on an Andalusian Jackass! + +_Memorandum._--Brazil discovered by the famous Americus Vespucius, that +came after Captain Christopher Colomb. + +Nothing remarkable happened until December 6th, when we had close cloudy +Weather, with Showers; and, after that, some pretty sharp Gales. On the +15th the colour of the water changed; and we sounded, but had no ground. +On the 18th one of the _Hope's_ men fell out of the Mizen-top on the +Quarter-deck, and broke his Skull; so that he died, and was buried next +day. A brisk fellow, that, from his merry ways, used to be called +Brimstone Jemmy. After this, cold airy weather, and numbers of +Porpoises, black on their backs and fins, with sharp white Noses. They +often leaped high up in the water, showing their white bellies. Also, a +plenty of seals. December 23d we saw Land, appearing first in three, and +afterwards in several Islands. The Wind being westerly, and blowing +fresh, we could not weather it, but were forced to bear away and run +along Shore from three to four leagues distant. This we saw first was +Falkland's Land, described in few Draughts, and none lay it down right, +though the Latitude agrees pretty well. December 25th saw Land again; +but could not get near enough to see whether it was inhabited; in truth +we were too much in a hurry to think of making Discoveries; for at four +in the Afternoon we sighted a Sail under our Lee-bow, gave chase, and +got ground of her apace till Night came on. In the Morning we saw +nothing, it being thick hazy Weather; then, as ill luck would have it, +it fell Calm, and having nothing else to do we Piped all hands to +Punishment, and gave the Cook three dozen for burning Captain Blokes' +burgoo. Then Grog served out, and we took an Observation. Lat. 52.40. + +We kept on rowing and towing with Sweeps, and our Boats ahead, until +about six in the Evening; and the Chase appearing to be a large ship, we +sent Boats aboard our Consorts, and agreed to engage her. A fine breeze +sprang up, and we got in our Sweeps and Boats, making all possible sail; +it came on thick again; but we kept her open on the Larboard, and the +_Hope_ and _Delight_ on the Starboard bow, and it being now Short +Nights, we thought it impossible to lose one another. But the Master +persuaded our Commander to shorten sail, saying that we should lose our +Consorts if we kept on. Another Fog, and be hanged to it; but the next +morning the Yellow Curtain was lifted up, and we saw the Chase about +four miles ahead, which gave us a new Life. We ran at a great Rate, it +being smooth water; but it coming on to blow more and more, the Chase +outbore our Consorts, and being to windward she gave off, and then came +down very melancholy to us, supposing her to be a French Homeward-bound +Ship from the South Seas. Thus, this Ship escaped; and left us all, from +the Commander to the Cabin-boys (who had a hard time of it that night, +you may be sure), in the most doleful Dumps. + +Strong gales to the 1st of January. This being New-Year's Day, every +officer was wished a Merry New Year by our Trumpets and Hautboys; and we +had a large tub of Punch, hot, upon the Quarter-deck, where every man in +the Ship had above a Pint to his share, and drank to our Owners' and +Friends' healths in Great Britain, to a Happy New Year, a good Voyage, +plenty of Plunder (Wo is me for that Homeward-bound Frenchman from the +Southern Seas!), and a Safe Return. And then we bore down on our +Consorts and gave them three Huzzas, wishing them the like. + +Now, it being very raw cold Weather, we very much dreaded scudding upon +Ice; so we fired Guns as Signals for the _Hope_ and _Delight_ to bring +to, and on the 5th of January brought ourselves to, under the same +reefed Topsails. We feared at one time, from our Consorts having an +Ensign in their Maintopmast shrouds, as a Signal of Distress, that they +had sprung their Mainmast; so we made the Large again, our Ship working +very well in a mighty great sea. When we were able to get within Hail of +our Consorts, we asked them how they did, and how they had come to hoist +the Wretched Rag. They answered, Pretty well, but that they had shipped +a great deal of Water in lying by, and being forced to put before the +wind, the Sea had broke in at the Cabin Windows, filling the Steerage +and Waist, and was like to have spoiled several Men; but, Heaven be +thanked! all else was indifferent well with 'em; only it was intolerably +Cold, and everything Wet. Captain Blokes sent me on board the _Delight_ +in our Yall, and I found them in a very disorderly Pickle, with all +their Clothes a-drying: the Ship and Rigging covered with 'em from the +Deck to the Maintop. They got six of their Guns into the Hold, to make +the Ship lively. + +Aboard the _Marquis_ died, on the 8th, John Veale, a Landsman, having +lain ill a Fortnight, and had a Swelling in the Legs ever since he left +the Island of Grande. At nine at night we buried him; and this was the +first we had lost by Sickness since we left England. Until the 15th, +cloudy Weather with Squalls of Rain, and fresh Gales at S.W. We now +accounted ourselves round Cape Horn, and so in the South Seas. The +French ships that first came to trade in these seas were wont to come +through the Straits of Magellan; but Experience has taught 'em since, +that this is the best Passage to go round the Horn, where they have Sea +Room enow, without being crushed and crowded as at a Ranelagh +Masquerade; and the Straits are in many places very narrow, with strong +Tides and no Anchor Ground. + +On the 31st of January, at seven in the Morning, we made the Island of +Juan Fernandez, bearing W.S.W., and about two in the Afternoon we +hoisted our Pinnace out, and essayed to send one of our Lieutenants +ashore, though we could not be less than four leagues off. As soon as it +was Dark our men cried out that they saw a Light ashore; our Boat was +then about a mile from the Shore, and bore away for the Ship on our +firing a Quarter-deck Gun, and several Muskets, showing Lanterns in our +Mizen and Foreshrouds, that the Pinnace might find us again, whilst we +plied to the lee of the Island. About two in the Morning she came +aboard, all safe. Next day we sent our Yall ashore about noon with the +Master and Six Men, all well Armed; meanwhile we cleared all ready for +Action on board the _Marquis_. Our Boat did not return, so we sent our +Pinnace with the Crew, likewise Armed: for we were afraid that the +Spaniards might have had a Garrison there, and so seized 'em. However, +the Pinnace returned, and brought abundance of Crawfish, but found +nothing human; so that the alarm about the Light must have been a mere +superstition of the Ship's Company. + +_It was at this same Island of Juan Fernandez, in the year of our Lord +1708-9, that Captain Woodes Rogers, commanding the "Duke" Frigate, and +with whom also Captain Dampier, that famous Circumnavigator, sailed, +found a Man clothed in Goatskins, who looked wilder than they who had +been the first owners of 'em. He had been on the Island four years and +four months, being left there by Captain Stradling in the "Cinque +Ports;" his name was_ ALEXANDER SELKIRK, _a Scottish man, who had been +Sailing Master to the "Cinque Ports;" but quarrelling with the +Commander, was by him accused of Mutiny, and so Abandoned on this +Uninhabited Island. During his stay he saw several Ships pass by, but +only two came to an Anchor. As he went to view 'em he found they were +Spaniards, and so retired, upon which they Shot at him. Had they been +French, he would have submitted; but chose to risk his dying alone on +the Island rather than fall into the hands of the Spaniards, because he +apprehended they would Murder him, or make a Slave of him in the Mines; +for he feared they would spare no Stranger that might be capable of +Discovering the South Sea. He had with him when left his Clothes and +Bedding, with a Firelock, some Powder, Bullets, and Tobacco, a Hatchet, +a Knife, a Kettle, a Bible, some practical Pieces, and some Mathematical +Instruments and Books. During the first eight months of his stay he +suffered much from Melancholy and Terror; but afterwards got on pretty +well. He built two Huts with Pimento Wood, which he also burnt for Fuel +and Candle; and which, besides, refreshed him with its fragrant smell. +He had grown very Pious in his Retreat, and was much given to singing of +Psalms, having before led a very naughty life. Being a very good sailor, +Captain Woodes Rogers took him away with him as Second Mate. He told 'em +that he had been at first much pestered with Cats and Rats, the latter +of which gnawed his feet and clothes, so that he was obliged to cherish +the Cats with Goat's-flesh, and they grew so familiar with him as to lie +about him in hundreds. But I cannot stay to recount half the wonderful +Adventures of Mr. Selkirk. I knew him afterwards, a very old Man, +lodging with one Mrs. Branbody, that kept a Chandler's Shop over against +the Jews' Harp Tavern at Stepney. He was wont bitterly to complain that +the Manuscript in which he had written down an Account of his Life at +Juan Fernandez had been cozened out of him by some crafty Booksellers; +and that a Paraphrase, or rather Burlesque, of it, in a most garbled and +mutilated form, had been printed as a Children's Story-book, under the +name of_ ROBINSON CRUSOE. _This was done by one Mr. Daniel Foe, a +Newswriter, who, in my Youth, stood in the Pillory by Temple Bar, for a +sedition in some plaguey Church-matters. But it is fitting to let these +Gentry know that they have Ears, lest they become too Saucy._ + + + + +CHAPTER THE THIRD. + +THE CONTINUATION OF MY VOYAGE UNTIL MY RETURN AGAIN TO EUROPE. + + +NOW, being got away from Juan Fernandez, did an unconquerable Greed and +Longing for Prize and Plunder come over us; and did we sweep the Horizon +hour after hour as long as it was Light, in hope of satisfaction to our +long-deferred Hope. March 2d we sighted Land, and a vast high ridge of +Mountains they call the Cordilleras, and are in the Country of Chili. +Some parts are, I believe, full as high, if not higher, than the Pico of +Teneriffe, and the tops of all of 'em covered with Snow. This day we +came to an allowance of Three Pints of Water a day for each man; judging +it best to be Economical, although we had a good stock of water aboard +(taken in at Juan Fernandez); but Captain Blokes' reason was, to be able +to keep at Sea for some time longer, and take some Prizes to keep the +Deuce out of our pockets, without being discovered by Watering; for our +South-Sea Pilot told us that the timorous people of these Latitudes once +smelling an Enemy hovering about, will put to sea with nothing of value +from one end of the Coast to the other. Much baffled by several white +Rocks that looked like Ships, and Captain Blokes much incensed at +continual Disappointments, takes to making the Cabin-boy weary of his +life; and after drubbing him with a Rope's end three times doubled, was +for sousing him in the Pickle-tub; but I dissuaded him (remembering the +Torments I had myself endured as a Moose; and even now when I think of +'em I am Afraid, and Trembling takes hold of my Flesh), and so no more +was Done to him, beyond a Threat that he should be Keel-hauled next +time; although the poor lad had in no way misbehaved himself. We got the +two Pinnaces into the water, to try 'em under sail, having fixed each +of 'em with a Gun, after the manner of a Patterero, to be useful as +small Privateers, hoping they'd be serviceable to us in little winds to +take vessels. March 15th, Land again, and we supposed it was Lobos; and +sure enough, on the 17th, we got well unto anchor off that Island, but +found nobody at the place. On the 19th we determined to fit out our +small Bark for a Privateer, and launched her into blue water, under the +name of the _Beginning_. To his great pride and delight, Captain Blokes +appointed the Doctor of Physic to command her. She was well built for +sailing, so she was had round to a small Cove in the Southernmost part +of Lobos. A small Spar out of the _Marquis_ made a Mainmast for her, and +one of our Mizen Topsails was altered to make her a Mainsail. March +21st, All being ready, and the _Beginning_ christened by Captain Blokes +emptying a Bowl of hot Punch over her bow, she was victualled from the +general store; and the Doctor of Physic, who, for all his Degree, +claimed to be a good Mariner, took possession of his high and important +command. Twenty men from our ship, and ten from our Consorts, were put +aboard her, all well Armed. We saw her out of the Harbour, and she +looked very pretty, having all Masts, Sails, Rigging, and Materials, +like one of those Half Galleys fitted out for his Majesty's Service in +England. They gave our Ship's Company three Huzzas, and we returned them +the like at parting. We told the Captain-Doctor that if we were forced +out of the Road, or gave chase hence, we would leave a Glass Bottle, +buried under a remarkable Great Stone agreed upon, with Letters in it, +to give an Account of how it was with us at the moment of our Departure, +and where to meet again. And he was to do the like. When the _Beginning_ +was gone we fell to and scrubbed Ship, getting abundance of Barnacles +off her much bigger than Mussels. Seals numerous, but not so many as at +Juan Fernandez. A large one seized upon a fat Dutchman that belonged to +us, and had like to have pulled him into the water, biting him to the +bone about the arms and legs. This Hollander was henceforth known as +the Lord Chancellor, having been so very near the Great Seal. After +barnacling, we gave the _Marquis_ a good Keel, and Tallowed her low +down. Another Dutchman we had died of the Scurvy. His Messmates said +that it was because we had no more Cheese aboard, and that we could not +catch Red Herrings by angling for them in Blue Water. + +March 28th. The little _Beginning_ came in with a Prize, called the +_Santa Josepha_, bound from Guayaquil to Truxillo, 50 tons burden, full +of Timber, with some Cocoa-nuts and Tobacco. A very paltry Spoil. There +were about twelve Spaniards aboard, who told us (after some little +Persuasion, in the way of Drubbing) that the Widow of the late Viceroy +of Peru would shortly embark at Acapulco, with her Family and Riches, +and stop at Payta to Refresh; and that about eight months ago there was +a Galleon with 200,000 pieces of Eight on board, that passed Payta on +her way to Acapulco. They continued, however, to Lie and Contradict +themselves when questioned; and so (as they howled most dismally on deck +while under Punishment) they were had down to the Cockpit, where the +Boatswain and his Mates had their Will of them, and I don't know what +became of them afterwards. These Spanish Prisoners give a great deal of +Trouble. + +April 2d. The Superstitious among us were heartily frightened at the +Colour of the Water, which for several miles looked as Red as any Blood. +Some fellows among the crew that were of a Preaching Turn, gave out that +this unusual appearance was an Omen, or Warning to us of Judgments +coming for what had been done to the Spanish Prisoners (in the which +Duresse I declare I had no hand; 'twas all done by Captain Blokes' +orders, and 'tis very likely that the Boatswain, who was a Rough Fellow, +very ignorant, exceeded his instructions). It was explained, however, +that this Sanguinary Hue in the water was a perfectly natural +appearance, caused by the Spawn of Fish; and two or three of the +preaching fellows being had to the Maingears and well Drubbed, Grog was +served out to the rest, and an Alarm, which might have bred a Mutiny, +soon subsided. + +But huzza! on the 5th of April we had things more substantial to think +of than Red Seawater; for we took, after a very slight Resistance, a +Ship called the _Ascension_, built Galleon-fashion, very high, with +Galleries, Burden between 400 and 500 tons, and two Brothers Commanders, +both Dons of families that were Grandees 500 years before Adam was born, +and of course with five-and-twenty Christian Names apiece. She had a +number of Passengers and some fifty Negroes; but the former being +persons of Condition, far above the Common Sort, and not poor Coasting +people, such as were those in the Timber Bark, we used 'em handsomely. +They, without any such persuasion as was employed to their forerunners, +told us that the Bishop of Chokeaqua, a place far up the Country in the +South Parts of Peru, was to have come from Panama in this vessel for +Lima, but would stop at Payta to Recruit. Being near that place, we +resolved to Watch narrowly, in order to catch his Lordship. + +Now to the Norrard, and on the 10th of April we were off the Hummocks +they call the Saddle of Payta; and being very Calm, we held a +Court-Martial on one of our Midshipmen who had threatened to shoot one +of our men when at Lobos, merely for refusing to carry some Crows that +he had shot. The Court was held in Captain Blokes' Cabin, and consisted +of the Commander, Self, First-Lieutenant, assisted in our deliberations +by sundry Pipes of Tobacco and a great Jug of Punch. Found Guilty. +Sentenced to be Degraded before the Mast, to have his Grog stopped for a +Fortnight, and to receive Four Dozen at the Gun (for he being a kind of +Officer, we did not wish to Humiliate him on deck). Half of his +Punishment he endured with more doleful Squalling than ever I heard from +a Penitent in my Life, although the Boatswain was very tender with him, +and three Tails of the Cat were tied up. He begged pardon, and so +Captain Blokes remitted him the rest of his Punishment. This Midshipman +was one who sang a very good Song; and so a Cushion being brought to +Ease him, we finished the Evening and the Punch jovially enough, he +being before the end in high favour with the Commander, and promised his +Rating back again. + +April 15th. The Officers of all three Ships met on board the _Marquis_, +and the Committee came to a Resolution to attack Guayaquil at once. The +Bark we had called the _Beginning_ by this time had come back to us, +having begun nothing and found nothing, since its first prize, except a +great Sea Lubber, some kind of Monster that the Doctor of Physic had +caught and wanted to preserve in Rum, to make a Present of to the Royal +Society when we came Home; but we forbade his wasting good Liquor for so +unworthy an end, and the Monster, smelling intolerably, was thrown +overboard. 'Twould have caused me no great sorrow to see the Doctor +follow his Prodigy, for he was a very uncomfortable Person, and was +much given to cheating at Cards. + +April 20th. To our Boats off Guayaquil, a Great Company of Men and +Officers all armed to the teeth. We rowed till 12 at night, when we saw +Lights, which we judged to be a place called Puna. It blew fresh, with a +small rolling Sea, the Boat I commanded being deep laden and crammed +with men; some of us say they would rather be in a Storm at Sea than +here; but, in regard we were about a charming Undertaking, we thought no +Fatigue too hard. At daybreak we saw a Bark above us in the River; and, +running down upon her, found it was a large Pinnace, full of the most +considerable Inhabitants of Puna, escaping towards Guayaquil. Here were +at least a dozen handsome genteel young Women, extremely well dressed, +and from them our men got some fine Gold Chains and Earrings. Some of +these Nicknacks were concealed about 'em; but the Gentlewomen in these +parts being very thinly dressed in Silk and Fine Linen, they could hide +but little, and our Linguist was bidden to advise them to be Wise in +Time, and surrender their Valuables, which they did. And so civil were +our Sailors to them, that they offered to dress some Victuals for us +when we got 'em aboard; which made us hope that the Fair Sex would be +kind to us when we returned to England, for our discreet behaviour to +these charming Prisoners. + + * * * * * + +I am afraid that during the Attack on Guayaquil, which took place the +next day, and continued for the three following ones, when the place +Capitulated to our force, and a Treaty was signed between our Commanders +and the Governor and Corregidor of Guayaquil, sundry proceedings took +place that would not very well have squared with the public ideas of +what is due to the Fair Sex just treated of; but I declare that I had +neither Art nor Part in them, and that I am entirely Free from any +Responsibility that Censure might cast on the Authors of Cruel +Disturbances; for early in the Attack I was hit by a Musket-ball in the +chest, and borne senseless to our Boats. That I did my Duty bravely, my +Commander was good enough to say, and the whole Ship's Company to admit. +I was carried away to the _Marquis_, and for a long time lay between +Hawk and Buzzard; for a smart Fever came about the third day, like +Burgundy wine after Sherris, and I was for awhile quite off my head and +Raving about Old Times;--about Captain Night and the Blacks, and Maum +Buckey and her Negro Washerwomen, and my Campaign against the Maroons, +and some Other Things that had befallen me during those fifteen years +which I have chosen to leave a Blank in my life, and which I scorn to +deny did--some of them--lie heavy on my Conscience. All these were mixed +up with the old Gentleman at Gnawbit's, and my Lord Lovat with his head +off, and my Grandmother in Hanover Square; so that I doubt whether those +who tended me knew what to make of me. There was some difficulty too as +to medical attendance, for we had cashiered our Surgeon--that is to +say, he had run away at Grande in the Brazils, to marry a brown +Portugee woman; and the Doctor of Physic he was all for Herbal +Treatment, demanding Succory, Agrimony, Asarabacca, Knights-pound-wort, +Cuckoo-point, Hulver-bush, with Alehoof, and other things not to be +found in this part of the World. And Captain Blokes said that he knew +nothing half so good for a Gunshot Wound as cold Rum-and-Water; and +between the two I had like to have died, but all were very kind to me, +even to extracting the Ball with a Pair of Snuffers; and a great clumsy +thing the said missile was, being, I verily believe, part of a +Door-hinge which these clumsy Spanish Brutes had broken off short to +cram into their Guns; and yet it might have gone worse with me had it +been a smooth round cast Bullet, and drilled a clean Wound right through +my Body. + +As I was coming round, even to the taking of some Sangaree and Chicken +Panada (for we were now very well provided with Live Stock), the +Captain said to me: "You ha'n't murdered a man, Brother, have you?" + +I replied, starting up, that my hands were free from the stain of Blood +unrighteously spilt. + +"No offence, Brother Dangerous," continued the Captain. "In our line of +life we ar'n't particular. It wouldn't take very dirty weather to make +our Ensign look like a Black Flag. Piracy and Privateering--they both +begin with a P. I thought you had something o' that sort on your mind, +because you took it so woundily about being hanged." + +"I have had a strange life," I answered faintly. + +"No doubt about that," says the Captain. "So have I, Brother, and not an +over-good one: that's why I asked you. If the old woman hadn't been in +the oven herself, she'd never have gone there to look for her daughter. +But have you anything on your mind, Brother? Is there anything that +Billy Blokes can do for you?" + +I answered, very gratefully, that there was nothing I could think of. + +"'Cause why," he resumed, "if there is, you have only to sing out. If +you think you're like to slip your Cable and would like to say +something, we've got a Padre on board out of the last Prize, and he +shall come and do the Right Thing for you. You don't know anything about +his lingo; but what odds is that? Spanish, or Thieves' Latin, or +rightdown Cockney,--it's all one when the word's given to pipe all +hands." + +I answered that I was no Papist, but a humble member of the Church of +England as by Law established. + +"Of course," concluded the Captain. "So am I. God bless King George and +the Protestant Succession, and confound the Pope, the Devil, and the +Pretender! But any Port in a storm, you know; and a Padre's better than +no Prayers at all. I've done all I could for you, Brother. I've read you +most part of the story of Bel and the Dragon, likewise the Articles of +War, and a lot of psalms out of Sternhold and Hopkins; and now, if you +feel skeery about losing the number of your mess, I'll make your Will +for you, to be all shipshape before the Big Wigs of London. There must +be a matter of Four Hundred Pounds coming to you already for your share +of Plunder; and no one shall say that Billy Blokes ever robbed a +Messmate of even a twopenny tester of his Rights." + +Again I thanked this singular person, who, for all his Addictedness to +Rum-and-Water, of which he drank vast quantities, was one of the most +Sagacious men I have known. But I told him that I had neither kith nor +kin belonging to me; that I did not even know the name of my Father and +Mother; and that my Grandmother, even, was an Unknown Lady, and been +dead nigh forty years. Finally, that if I made my Will, it would only be +to the effect that my Property, if any, might be divided among the +Ship's Company of the _Marquis_, with a donative of Fifty guineas to the +_Hope_ and _Delight_ people to drink to my Memory. + +"Ay, and to a pleasant journey to Fiddler's Green," cries out the +Captain. "But cheer up, Heart; ye're not weighed for the Long Journey +yet." Nor had I; for I presently recovered, and in less than a month +after my Mishap was again whole and fit for Duty. And I have set this +down in order to confute those malignant men who have declared that all +my Wounds were from Stripes between the Shoulders; whereas I can show +the marks, 1 deg., of an English Grenadier's bayonet; 2 deg., of a +Frenchman's sword; 3 deg., of a Spanish bullet; with many more Scars +gotten as honourably, and which it would be only braggadocio to tell +the History of. + +_Item._--The Corregidores, or Head-Men of Guayaquil, are great Thieves. +The Mercenary Viceroys not being permitted to Trade themselves, do use +the Corregidores as middle-men, and these again employ a third hand; so +that ships are constantly employed carrying Quicksilver, and all manner +of precious and prohibited goods, to and from Mexico out of by-ports. +Thus, too, being their own Judges, they get vast Estates, and stop all +complaints in Old Spain by Bribes. But now and then comes out a Viceroy +who is a Man of Honesty and Probity, and will have none of these +Scoundrelly ways of Making Money (like Mr. Henry Fielding among the +Trading Justices, a Bright exception for integrity, though his Life, as +I have heard, was otherwise dissolute), and then he falls too and +squeezes the Corregidores, in the same manner as Cardinal Richelieu, +that was Lewis Thirteenth's Minister, was wont to do with the +Financiers. "You must treat 'em like Leeches," said he; "and when they +are bloated with blood, put salt upon them, to make them disgorge." And +I have heard that this rigid System of Probity, and putting salt on the +gorged Corregidores, has ofttimes turned out more profitable to the +Viceroys than trading on their own account. + +Many of our men falling sick here, and our Ransom being now fully +disbursed by the authorities of Guayaquil, we made haste to get away +from the place, which was fast becoming pestiferous. + +We set sail with more than fifty men Down with the Distemper (of which +they were dying like Sheep with the Rot in the town, and all the +Churches turned into Hospitals); but we hoped the Sea Air, for which we +longed, would set us all healthy again. So plying to windward, bearing +for the Galligapos Islands, and on the 21st of May made the most Norrard +of that Group. Jan Serouder, a West Frieslander, and very good Sailor, +though much given to smoking in his Hammock, for which he had many times +been Drubbed, died of the Distemper. A great want of Medicines aboard, +and the Rum running very low. Sent a boat ashore to see for Water, Fish, +and Turtle, which our men (being now less Dainty by Roughing) had, by +this time, condescended to eat. Kept on our course; on the 27th the +Easternmost Island bore S.E. by S., distant about four leagues: and +nothing more remarkable happened till the 6th of June, when we spied a +Sail, the _Hope_ being then about two miles ahead of us; and about seven +in the Evening she took her in a very courageous manner. This was a +Vessel of about 90 tons, bound from Panama to Guayaquil, called the _San +Tomaso y San Demas_ (for these Spaniards can never have too much of a +good thing in the way of Saints), Juan Navarro Navarret y Colza, +Commander. About forty people on board, and eleven Negro Slaves, but +little in the way of European goods save some Iron and Cloth. They had a +passenger of note on board, one Don Pantaleone and Something as long as +my Arm, who was going to be Governor of Baldivia, and said he had been +taken not long since in the North Sea by Jamaica Cruisers. On the 7th +June we made the Island of Gorgona; and, on the 8th, got to an anchor in +30-fathom water. The next day sent out our Pinnace a'cruising, and took +a prize called the _Golden Sun_, belonging to a Creek on the Main,--a +twopenny-halfpenny little thing, 35 tons; ten Spaniards and Indians, +and a Negro that was chained down to the deck to amuse the Ship Company +with playing on the Guitar (a kind of Lute). However, we found a few +ounces of Gold-dust aboard her, worth some sixty pounds sterling. After +examining our Prisoners (who gave us much trouble, for we had no +Linguist, and 'twas a Word and a Blow in questioning them: that is, the +Blow came from us to get the Word from 'em; but not more than two or +three Spaniards were Expended),--after this tedious work was over we +held a Committee, and agreed to go to Malaga,[A] an Island which had a +Road, and with our Boats tow up the River in quest of the rich +Gold-mines of Barbacore, also called by the Spaniards San Juan. But +heavy Rains coming on, we were obliged to beat back and come to Gorgona +again, building a Tent ashore for our Armour and Sick Men. We spent +till the 25th in Careening; on the 28th we got all aboard agen, rigged +and stowed all ready for sea; the Spaniards who were our Prisoners, and +who are very Dilatory Sailors (for they hearken more to their Saints +than to the Boatswain's Pipe), were much amazed at our Despatch; telling +us that they usually took Six Weeks or a Month to Careen one of their +King's Ships at Lima, where they are well provided with all Necessaries, +and account that Quick Expedition. We allowed Liberty of Conscience on +board our floating Commonwealth to our Prisoners; for there being a +Priest in each ship, they had the Great Cabin for their Mass, whilst we +used the Church-of-England Service over them on the Quarter-deck. So +that the Papists here were the Low Churchmen. Shortly after the +beginning of July we freed our prisoners at fair Ransom in Gold-dust; +but the Village where we landed them was so poor in common Necessaries, +that we were obliged to give them some corned beef and biscuit for their +subsistence until they could get up the Country, where there was a +Town. Same day a Negro belonging to the _Delight_ was bit by a small +brown speckled Snake, and died in a few hours. + +We had with us, too, a very good prize taken by the _Hope_, and +continued unloading this and transferring the rich contents to our +ships, having promised to restore the Hull itself to the Spaniards, on +her being handsomely Ransomed; and the Don that was to be Governor of +Baldivia was appointed Agent for us, and suffered to go freely on his +Parole to and fro to arrange Money-Matters with the Authorities up the +Country. + +_Memorandum,_--Amongst our Prisoners (taken on board the Panama ship) +there was a Gentlewoman and her Family, the Eldest Daughter, a pretty +young woman of Eighteen, newly Married, and had her husband with her. We +assigned them the Great Cabin on board the Prize, and none were suffered +to intrude amongst them; yet the Husband (we were told) showed evident +Marks of a Violent Jealousy, which is the Spaniard's Epidemic Disease. +I hope he had not the least Reason for it, seeing that the Prize-Master +(our Second Lieutenant) was above Fifty years of Age, and of a very +Grave Countenance, appearing to be the most secure Guardian to females +that had the least Charm, though all our young Men (that were Officers) +had hitherto appeared Modest beyond Example among privateers; yet we +thought it improper to expose them to Temptation. And I am sure, when +the Lieutenant, being superseded for somewhat Scorching of a Negro with +a stick of fire for answering him Saucily, and Captain Blokes bade me +take temporary command of the Prize and Prisoners, that I behaved myself +so well as to gain Thanks and Public Acknowledgments for my civility to +the Ladies. We had notice that more than one of these Fair Creatures had +concealed Treasure about 'em; and so in the most Delicate Manner we +ordered a Female Negro who spoke English to overhaul 'em privately, and +at the same time to tell 'em that it would pain us to the Heart to be +obliged to use Stripes or other Unhandsome Means to come to a Discovery. +Many Gold Chains, Bracelets, Ouches, and suchlike Whim-Whams the Sable +Nymph found cunningly stowed away; upon which we gave her half a pint of +Wine and a large pot of Sweets, forgiving her at the same time a +Whipping at the Capstan which had been promised her for Romping and +Gammocking among the people in the Forecastle. For I suppose there was +never a modester man than Captain Blokes. + +August 10th. All Money-Matters being arranged, we disposed of our +Prisoners. We burnt down the Village for some Impertinence of the Head +Man (who was a Half-caste Indian),--but no great harm done, since 'twas +mostly Mud and Plantain thatch, and could be built up again in a +Week,--and got to Windward very slowly, there being a constant current +flowing to Leeward to the Bay of Panama. 13th we saw the Island of +Gallo; the 18th we spied a Sail bearing W.N.W. of us, when we all three +gave chase, and took her in half an hour. 70 tons. Panama to Lima. Forty +people aboard, upon examining whom they could tell us little News from +Europe, but said that there came Advices from Portobello in Spain, and +by a French ship from France, not long before they came out of Panama; +but that was all kept private; only, they heard that his Royal Highness +the Duke of Cumberland was Dead, the which Sad Intelligence we were not +willing to Believe, but drank his Health at Night, which we thought +could do him no hurt even if he really happened to be Dead. By this time +we had gotten another Surgeon out of the _Delight_, whom we daily +exercised at his Instruments in the Cockpit, and his Mate at making of +Bandages and spreading of Ointment; and Captain Blokes (who was always +giving some fresh proof of Sagacity), just to try 'em, and imitate +business for 'em a little, ordered Red Lead, mixed with Water, to be +thrown on two of our Fellows, and sent 'em down to the Hold, when the +Surgeon, thinking they had really been wounded, went about to Dress +them; but the mistake being discovered, it was a very agreeable +Diversion. + +After this we made sail to the Marias Islands (for I feel I must be +brief in this abstract of my Log, and must compress into a few pages the +events of many Months), and all November were cruising about Cape St. +Lucas in quest of Prizes. Christmas we spent in a very dismal manner; +for a Complaint, something akin to Mumps with Scurvy in the gums, and a +touch of Lockjaw to boot, broke out among us, and eight men died. Then +we engaged or took a very big Spaniard out of Manilla, 250 tons, and a +very rich Cargo, mostly in Gold-dust and embroidered Stuffs. January +10th, 1748-9, at anchor at Port Segura; and here, to our dismal dismay, +we heard that Peace had been proclaimed between Spain and England, and +that all our Privateering for the present was at an end. Then to +Acapulco in Mexico, seeing if we could do some honest trading; but at +all the Towns along the Coast they looked upon us as little better than +Pirates. But we felt a little comforted at the thought that we had +already taken some very rich Prizes, and my own part of the Plunder was +now over 1500_l._ January 11th, we weighed from Port Segura, and ran +towards the Island of Guam. Our Steward missing some pieces of Pork, we +immediately searched and found the Thieves. One of them had been guilty +before, and Forgiven on promise of Amendment; but was punished now, lest +Forbearance should encourage the rest to follow his bad practice. +Provisions being so short, and our run now so long, might, without great +caution, have brought evil consequences upon us. They (the Thieves) were +ordered to the Main-gear, and every man of the watch to give 'em a blow +with the Cat-o'-nine-tails. On the 14th of February, in commemoration of +the ancient English custom of choosing Valentines, a list was drawn up +of all the Fair Ladies in Bristol in any way related or concerned in our +Ships; and all the officers were sent for to the Cabin, where every one +drew, and drank his Valentine's health in a cup of Punch, and to a happy +sight of 'em all. This was done to put 'em in mind of Home. + +From Guam, a very poor place, and the Natives uncommonly nasty, we +shaped our course to Ternate; and about the 2d of May saw land, which we +took for some of the Islands lying about the N.E. part of Celebes, but +were satisfied soon after that we were in the Straits of Guiana. 18th +May passed several Islands, and the South point of Gillolo. This was the +time of the S.E. Monsoon, which made Weather and Wind very uncertain. +May 25th we fell in with a parcel of Islands to the Eastward of Bouton, +an island where there is a kind of Indian King, very Savage and Warlike, +and with a considerable flotilla of Galleys. We traded with him, and +made good profit in the way of Barter; for these Savages will give gold +and Goods for the veriest trumpery that was ever picked up at a Groat +the handful at the hucksters' stalls in Barbican. From Bouton on the +11th June, having well watered and provisioned, and taken a Native +pilot on board, we sailed for Batavia, and on the 30th cast anchor in +the Road there. We waited on his Excellency the Governor-General (for +the States of Holland), and begged permission to refit our Ships, which +was granted. Many strange Humours now to be seen aboard. Some of the +crew hugging each other; others blessing themselves that they were come +to such a glorious place for Punch, where they could have Arrack for +Eightpence a Gallon; for now the Labour was worth more than the Liquor, +whereas, a few weeks since, a Bowl of Punch was worth more to them than +half the Voyage. Now we began to Careen, going over to Horn Island, and +a Sampan ready to heave down by, and take in our Guns, Carriages, &c. +Several of our men fell ill of Fevers, as they said, from drinking the +Water of the Island; but as Captain Blokes opined, more from the effects +of Arrack Punch at Eightpence a Gallon. All English ships are allowed by +the Government here half a leaguer of Arrack a day for ship's use per +man; but boats are not suffered to bring the least thing off shore +without being first severely searched. As to the town of Batavia, it +lies in a bay full of islands, which so break off the Sea, that though +the Road is very large, yet it is safe. The Banks of the Canals through +the City are paved with stones as far as the Boom, which is shut up +every night at nine o'clock, and guarded by Soldiers. All the Streets +are very well built and inhabited; fifteen of 'em have Canals just as in +Amsterdam and Rotterdam, and from end to end they reckon fifty-six +bridges. The vast number of Cocoa-nut trees in and about the City +everywhere afford delightful and profitable Groves. There are Hospitals, +Spin-houses, and so forth, as in Holland, where the idle and vicious are +set to work, and, when need arises, receive smart Discipline. The +Chinese have also a large Sick House, and manage their charity so well +that you never see a Chinaman looking despicable in the street. The +Dutch Women have greater privileges in India than in Holland, or, +indeed, anywhere else; for on slight occasions they are often divorced +from their Husbands, and share the Estate betwixt 'em. A Lawyer told me +at Batavia he had known, out of fifty-eight causes, all depending in the +Council Chamber, fifty-two of them were Divorces. The Governor's Palace +of Brick, very stately and well laid. He lives in as great splendour as +a king; he has a Train and Guards--viz. a Troop of Horse and a Company +of Foot with Halberds, in liveries of yellow satin adorned with silver +laces and fringe--to attend his Coach when he goes abroad. His Lady has +also her Guards and Train. The Javanese, or Ancient Natives, are +numerous, and said to be barbarous and proud, of a dark colour, with +flat faces, thin short Black hair, large eyebrows and cheeks. The Men +are strong-limbed, but the Women small. The Men have many Wives, and are +much given to lying and stealing. They are all Pagans, and worship +Devils. The Women tawny, sprightly, and Amorous, and very apt to give +poison to their Husbands when they can do it cunningly. There are at +least 10,000 Chinese who pay the Dutch a dollar a month for liberty to +wear their Hair, which they are not allowed to do at home since the +Tartars conquered 'em. There comes hither from China fourteen or sixteen +Junks a year, being flat-bottomed vessels. The Merchants come with their +goods, and marvellous queer folks they are. I don't think the whole City +is as large as Bristol; but 'tis much more populous. + +October 12th. We, according to our Owners' orders to keep our Ships +full-manned, whether the War continued or not--and, oh, how we cursed +this plaguey Peace!--shipped here seventeen men that were Dutch. Though +we looked upon our hardships as being now pretty well over, several Ran +from us here that had come out of England with us, being straggling, +lazy, good-for-nothings, that can't leave their old Trade of deserting, +though now they had a good sum due to each of 'em for Wages. Their +shares for Plunder of course were forfeited, and equitably divided among +those that stuck by us. From this to the 23d we continued taking in +wood and water for our Passage to the Cape of Good Hope; and just before +we sailed held a Council on board the _Marquis_, by which 'twas agreed, +that if any of our Consorts should happen to part company, the one that +arrived first was to stay at the Cape twenty days; and, then, if they +didn't find the other Ships, to make their utmost despatch to the Island +of Helena; and if not there, to proceed, according to Owners' orders, to +Great Britain. + +Nothing particular happened till the 27th December, when the _Marquis_ +proved very Leaky, and rare work we had at the Pumps, they being most of +them choked up from long disuse. December 28th we came in sight of the +Lion's Head and Rump, being two Hills over the Cape Town. Saluted the +Dutch fortress with Nine Guns, and got but Three for thanks; it being +surprising what airs these Pipe-smoking, Herring-curing, Cheese-making, +Twenty-breeches Gentry give themselves. 29th, we moored Ship, and sent +our Sick ashore. We stayed here until the end of February, when we went +into Sardinia Bay to Careen; for a Survey of Carpenters had reported +very badly concerning the Leak. 27th Feb. we had a good rummage for Bale +Goods to dispose of ashore, having leave of the Governor, and provided a +Store-house, where I and the Supercargo of the _Delight_ took it by +turns weekly during the sale of 'em. 28th March came in a Portugee +frigate, with news that Five stout French Ships had attempted Rio +Janeiro, but were repulsed, and had a great number of men killed, with +over 400 taken prisoners by the Portuguese. + +April 5th we hoisted a Blue Ensign, loosened our Fore Topsail, and fired +a Gun as a Signal for our Consorts to unmoor, and so fell down to Robin +and Penguin Islands. + +_Memorandum._--We buried four while at the Cape; eight ran away to be +eaten up, as we heartily hoped, by the Hottentots, who have a great +gusto for White Man's Flesh; but reject Negroes as too strong and +Aromatic; to say little of the major number of our Ship's Companies +getting Married to Black Wenches. But there's no Doctors' Commons at +Cape Town; and the best Way of Divorce is by shoving off a boat from +Shore, and leaving your Wife behind you. _Item._--The Dutch generally +send a Ship every year to Madagascar for Slaves to supply their +Plantations; for the said beastly Hottentots have their Liberty and Ease +so much, that they cannot be brought to work, even though they should +Starve (which they do pretty well all the year round) for the lack of +it. Here, too, we spoke with an Englishman and an Irishman, that had +been several years with the famous Madagascar Pirates, but were now +pardoned, and allowed to settle here. They told us that these Miserable +Wretches, who once made such a Noise in the World, dwindled away one by +one, most of them very poor and despicable, even to the Natives, among +whom they had Married. They added, that they had no Embarkations, only +mere Canoes and Rowboats in Madagascar; so that these Pirates (so long a +terrible Bugbear to peaceable Merchantmen) are now become so +inconsiderable as to be scarcely worth mentioning; yet I do think that +if care be not always taken after a Peace to clear all out-of-the-way +Islands of these piratical Vermin, and hinder others from joining them, +it may prove a Temptation for loose scampish Fellows to resort thither, +and make every Creek in the Southern Seas a troublesome nest of +Freebooters. + +The Cape having been so frequently described, I shall only add that the +Character of the Hottentots, at which I have hinted, has been found to +be too True, that they scarce deserve to be reckoned of the Human Kind: +they are such a nasty, ill-looking, and worse-smelling people. Their +Apparel is the Skins of Beasts; their chief Ornament is to be very +Greasy and Black; so that they besmear themselves with an abominable +Oil, mixed with Tallow and Soot; and the Women twist the Entrails of +Beasts or Thongs of Hides round their legs, which resemble Rolls of +Tobacco. Here's plenty, however, of all kinds of Flesh and Fowl; +there's nothing wanting at the Cape of Good Hope for a good subsistence; +nor is there any place more Commodious for a Retirement to such as would +be out of the Noise of the World, than the adjacent country in the +possession of the Dutch. + +Nothing of note happened till May 1st, only that sometimes we had +Thunder, Lightning, Rain, and Squalls of Wind. On the 7th we made the +Island of Ascension, S. Lat. 8.2. On the 14th at noon we found we had +just crossed the Equator, being the eighth time we had done so in our +course round the World. We had a Dutch Squadron with us, who expected +Convoy Rates, and all manner of Civilities from us, though there was now +Peace, and we wanted nothing from 'em; but 'tis always the way with this +Grasping and Avaricious People. Soon too we observed that the Dutch +ships began to scrape and clean their sides, painting and polishing and +beeswaxing 'em inside and out, bending new sails, and the very Mariners +putting on half a dozen pair of new breeches apiece. This it is their +custom to do as they draw near home; so that they look as if newly come +out of Holland. + +On the morning of the 15th July we made Fair Island and Foul Island, +lying off Shetland; and sighted two or three Fishing Doggers cruising +off the Islands. Having little wind, we lay by, and the Inhabitants came +off with what Provisions they had; but they are very poor people, wild +and savage, subsisting chiefly on Fish. When that provision fails, I +have heard they live on Seaweed. + +We being, so to speak, in charge, although unwillingly, of the Dutch +Squadron, which had been willy-nilly our Convoy, were compelled to put +into a port of Holland instead of into a British one, as we had fondly +hoped. On the 23rd July the Dutch Commodore made a signal for seeing +Land, and the whole fleet answered him with all their colours. The +Pilot-boat coming off, we took two aboard, and about noon parted with +some of our Dutch Consorts that were Rotterdam and Middleburg ships. We +gave 'em a Huzza and a half in derision, and our Trumpet and Hautboy +were for striking up the Rogue's March; but this was forbidden by the +Sagacious Captain Blokes. Some English ships now hove in sight, and +saluted the Dutch Commodore; and afterwards we, though with an ill +grace, saluted his Worship to welcome in sight of the land, which by +right belongs to the Rats (though I have little doubt that for all the +Vandykes and Vandams the long-whiskered Gentry will come to their own +again some of these fine days). As soon as they got over the Bar the +Dutchmen fired all their guns for joy at their safe arrival in their own +country, which they very affectionately call Fatherland; and, indeed, it +was not easy under these circumstances to be angry with the Poor Souls +that had been so long at Sea, and wandering about Strange Lands. At 8 at +night we came to an anchor in 6-fathom water, about 2 miles off shore. + +On the 24th, in the morning, the Dutch Flag-ship weighed, in order to go +up to the unlivering place. In the afternoon Captain Blokes sent me +ashore, and up to Amsterdam, with a letter for our Owners' Agents, to +ask how we were to act and proceed from hence. Coming back with +instructions from the Agent (one Mr. Vandepeereboom, who made me +half-fuddled with Schiedam drinking to our prosperous return; but he was +a very Civil Gentleman, speaking English to admiration, and had a +monstrous pretty Housekeeper, with eyes as bright as her own Pots and +Pans), by Consent of our Council we discharged such men as we had +shipped at Batavia and the Cape, and sold the half-dozen Negroes we had +from time to time picked up for about a Hundred Dollars apiece. But this +last had to be managed by private Contract, and somewhat under the Rose; +for their High Mightinesses, the States-General, allow no Slaves to be +sold openly in Amsterdam. + +On the 10th we went up to the Vlieder, which is a better Road than the +Texel, and then to Amsterdam again, where Captain Blokes and his chief +officers had to make Affidavits before a Notary Public to the truth of +an Abstract of our Voyage, the which I had drawn up from the Log of the +_Marquis_, to justify our proceedings to our own Government in answer to +what the East India Company had to allege against us; they being, as we +were informed, resolved to trouble us on pretence that we had Encroached +upon their Charter. On the 31st August comes Mr. Vandepeereboom on board +to take Account of what Plate, Gold, and Pearl was in the Ship; and on +the 5th September he took his leave of us. + +But not of me; for as I had been much with him ever since we had lain at +Amsterdam, we had become great Chums, and he had persuaded me not to +return just yet to England, but to remain with him in Holland, and +become his partner in Mercantile Adventure, that should not necessitate +my going to Sea again. And by this time, to tell truth, I was heartily +sick of being Tossed and Tumbled about by the Waves. No man could say +that I had not done my Duty during my momentous Voyage round the World. +I had worked as hard as any Moose on board the _Marquis_, doing +hand-work and head-work as well. I had been Wounded, had had two Fevers +and one bout of Scurvy; but was seldom in such evil case as to shirk +either my Duty or my Grog. I prudently redoubted the Chances of +returning in haste to my native Country, for, although being alone in +the world, and the marriage with Madam Taffetas not provable in Law, +with no other Domestic Troubles to grieve me, I knew from long +experience what Ducks and Drakes Seafaring men do make of their money +coming home from a long voyage with their heads empty and their pockets +full, and was determined that what I had painfully gathered from the +uttermost Ends of the Earth should not be riotously and unprofitably +squandered in the Taverns of Wapping and Rotherhithe. Mr. Vandepeereboom +entering with me into the State of his Affairs, proved, as far as Ledger +and Cash-book could prove any thing, that he was in a most prosperous +way of business, in the Dutch East India trade, of which by this time I +knew something; so that, although Captain Blokes was loth to part with +his old Shipmate and Secretary, he was yet glad to see me better myself. +And in truth Mr. Vandepeereboom's Housekeeper was marvellous pretty. I +drew my Pay and Allowances, which amounted to but a small matter; but to +my great Joy and Gladness I found that my share of the Plunder from our +Prizes and the Ransom of Guayaquil came to Twenty Hundred Pounds. The +order for this sum was duly transferred to me, and lodged to my Account +in the Bank of Amsterdam, then the most famous Corporation of Cofferers +(since that of Venice began to decline) in Europe. I bade farewell to +Captain Blokes and all my Messmates; left Twenty Pounds to be divided +among the Ship's Company (for which they manned Shrouds and gave me +three Huzzas as the Shoreboat put off); and after a last roaring Carouse +on board the _Marquis_, gave up for Ever my berth in the gallant Craft +in which I had sailed round the World. + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[A] There is a River in Macedon and a River in Monmouth, and more +Malagas than one. + + + + +CHAPTER THE FOURTH. + +OF THE SINGULAR MISFORTUNES WHICH BEFELL ME IN HOLLAND. + + +'TWAS no such very bad Title for a Mercantile Firm, "Vandepeereboom and +Dangerous." Aha, Rogues! will you call me Pauper, Card-sharper, +Led-Captain, Half-penny-Jack, now? Who but I was Mynheer Jan van +Dangerous? (I took my Gentility out of my Trunk, as the Spanish Don did +his Sword when the Sun shone and there were Pistoles galore, and added +the Van as a prefix to which I was entitled by Lineage.) Who but I was a +wealthy and prosperous Merchant of Amsterdam, the richest city in +Holland? Soon was I well known and Capped to, as one that could order +wine, and pay for it, at the sign of the Amsterdam Wappen, the great +Inn here. + +Although 'tis now nigh thirty years since, I do preserve the pleasantest +remembrance of my life in the Low Countries; for, albeit hating the +Dutch when I was Poor, I grew to like 'em as a reputable Merchant +Adventurer. 'Twas but a small matter prevented me from setting up my +Coach, and was only hindered by the fact that the Police Laws of +Amsterdam are very strict against Wheeled carriages, allowing only a +certain and very small number, lest the rumbling of the Wheels should +disturb the good thrifty Burghers at their Accompts. For most vehicles +they have what they call a Sley, which is the body of a Coach fastened +on to a Sledge with ropes, and drawn by one Horse. A Fellow walks by the +side on't, and holds on with one hand to prevent its falling over, while +with the other he manages the Reins. A most melancholy Machine this, +moving at the rate of about Three miles an hour, and makes you think +that you are in a Hospital Conveyance, or else going on a Hurdle to be +Hanged, Drawn, and Quartered. + +This Amsterdam is the famous town built upon Wooden Piles, as is also +Petersburg, and in some order Venice; and from its Timber supports, gave +rise to the sportive saying of Erasmus when he first came hither, that +he had reached a City where the Citizens lived, like Crows, upon the +tops of Trees. And again he waggishly compared Amsterdam to a maimed +Soldier, as having Wooden Legs. This Erasmus was, I conjecture, a kind +of Schoolmaster, and very learned; but conceited, as are most Bookish +Persons. + +A Dutchman will save any thing; and this rich place has all come out of +saving the Mud, and starving the Fishes. Here Traffic is wooed as though +she were a Woman, and Gold is put to bed with Time, and there is much +joy over their Bantling, which is christened Interest. A strange, +cleanly, money-grubbing Country of Botanic Gardens and Spitting-pans, +universal Industry and Tobacco-pipes, Gingerbread and Sawing-mills, +Tulip-roots and the Strong Waters of Schiedam, Cheese, Red Herrings, and +the Protestant Religion. Peculiar to these People is the functionary +called the Aansprecker, a kind of human Bird of Evil Omen, who goes +about in a long Black Gown and a monstrous Cocked Hat with a Crape +depending from it, to inform the Friends and Acquaintances of Genteel +Persons of any one being Dead. This Aansprecker pays very handsome +Compliments to the Departed, at so many Stuyvers the Ounce of Butter; +and this saves the Dutch (who are very frugal towards their Dead) from +telling lies upon their Tombstones. When a Man quits, they wind up his +Accounts, strike a Balance, and go on to a fresh Folio in the Ledger +without carrying any thing forward. At Marriage-time, also, is it the +custom among Persons of Figure for the Bride and Bridegroom to send +round Bottles of Wine, generally fine Hock, well spiced and sugared, and +adorned with all sorts of Ribbons. They have also a singular mode of +airing their Linen and Beds, by means of what they call a Trokenkorb, +or Fire-basket, which is of the size and shape of a Magpie's Cage, and +within it is a pan filled with burning Turf, and the Linen is spread +over the Wicker-frame; or, to air the Bed, the whole Machine is placed +between the Sheets. Nay, there are sundry Dowager Fraws who do warm +their Legs with this same Trokenkorb, using it as though it were a +footstool; and considering the quantity of Linsey Woolsey they wear, I +wonder there are not more Fires. To guard against this last, there are +Persons appointed whose office it is to remain all day and all night in +the Steeples of the highest Churches; and as soon as they spy a Flame, +they hang out a Flag if it's Day, or a Lantern if at Night, towards the +quarter where the Fire is, blowing a Trumpet lustily meanwhile. + +Eating and Drinking here very good, save the Water, which is so Brackish +that it is not drunk even by the Common People. There are +Water-Merchants constantly occupied in supplying the City with +drinkable Water, which they bring in Boats from Utrecht and Germany in +large stone Bottles, that cost you about Eightpence a-piece English. The +Poor, who cannot afford it, drink Rain-water, which gives rise to the +merry saying, that a Dutchman's Mouth is for ever open, either to +swallow down Smoke or to drink up Rain. And indeed they are a +wide-gaping Generation. + +Being as yet a Bachelor, I agreed for my Lodging and Victuals with Mr. +Vandepeereboom, who had a fair House, very stately, on one of the Canals +behind the Heeren Gragt, or Lord's Street. 'Twould have had quite a +princely appearance, but for a row of Elms in front, which, with their +fan, almost concealed the Mansion. The noble look of the House, too, was +somewhat spoilt by its being next door to a shop where they sold Drugs; +which like all others of this trade in Holland, had for a sign a huge +Carved Head, with the mouth wide open, in front of the window: sometimes +it rudely resembles a Mercury's Head, and at other times has a Fool's +Cap upon it. This clumsy sign is called _de Gaaper_,--the Gaper,--and I +know not the origin of it. Some of the Shop-boards they call _Uithang +Borden_, and have ridiculous Verses written upon them; and 'tis singular +to mark how much of the Jackpudding these Dutchmen, who are keener than +Jews in their Cash-matters, have in them. + +Mr. Vandepeereboom was high in the College of Magistrates, and I was +ofttimes privileged to witness with him the administration of Justice +and the infliction of its Dread Awards,--all here very Decent and +Solemn. The Awful Sentence of Death is delivered in a room on the +basement-floor of the Stadt House: the entrance through a massy +folding-door covered with brass Emblems, such as Jove's Beams of +Lightning, and Flaming Swords; above, between the Rails, are the old and +new City Arms; and at the bottom are Death's Heads and Bones. The inside +of the Hall, mighty handsome, in white Marble, and proper History pieces +of the Judgment of Solomon, and Zeleucus the Locrian King tearing out +one of his Eyes to save one of his Son's, and Junius Brutus putting his +children to Death. On the fore part of the Judgment-seat a fine Marble +Statue of Silence, gallantly, but quite falsely, represented by the +figure of a Woman on the ground, her finger to her lips, and two +Children by her, Weeping over a Death's Head. When the dire Doom of +Death is about to be pronounced, the Criminal is brought into this Hall, +guarded; and nothing is omitted in point of solemnity to impress on his +mind (poor wretch!) and on those about him the awful consequences of +violating the Laws of the Country; which is a much better mode, I think, +of striking Terror into 'em than the French way, where the Magistrates +settle the Sentence among themselves in private, and the _Greffier_ +comes all of a sudden into the unhappy Person's Cell to tell him that he +is to be presently Executed; or even our Old Bailey fashion (though the +Black Cap is frightful), where the Culprit is more or less sent to Hang +like a Dog,--one down, another come up; and Jack Ketch Drunk all the +while with burnt Brandy. 'Twas a thorough knowledge of Human Nature, +too, that thought of placing this Dutch hall of Justice on the +ground-floor, and its Brazen Door opening into a common Thoroughfare +through the Stadt House. I never passed by this door without seeing +numbers of the Lower Orders of people gazing wistfully through the Rails +upon the emblematic objects within, apparently in Melancholy Meditation, +and reflecting upon the Ignominious Effects of deviating from the Paths +of Virtue. + +Out of the Burgomaster's parlour in the same building is a passage to +the Execution Chamber, or Hall of the Last Prayers, where the Condemned +take leave of their Clergy, and pass through a Window, the lower part of +Wood, so that it opens level with the floor of the Scaffold, which is +constructed on the outside, opposite the Waag or Weigh House. + +As associate of one of the Magistrates, I often visited the Dungeons +beneath the Stadt House, which are hermetically Sealed unto all +Strangers. As places of Confinement, nothing can be more secure; as +places of punishment, nothing more Horrible. Here, by the faint light of +a Rush Candle, you gaze only on Emaciated Figures, while out of the Dark +Shadows issue faint but dismal Groans. Some are here condemned to linger +for Life; yet have I known convicted Creatures in this Rat's hole as +merry as French Dancing-Masters, whistling, trolling, and gambolling in +the Dark; while in the next cell were a number of Women, who, like the +general of their sex when in Durance, did nothing but Yell and tear +their Clothes to Pieces. But 'tis true that all confined in these +dreadful places had committed crimes of a very Malignant nature, and +which heartily warranted their being thus cut off from Light and Air, +and immured in Regions fit only to be Receptacles for the Dead. Under +the Hall of Justice is likewise the Torture Chamber, where Miserable +Creatures, at the bidding of their Barbarous Judges, undergo a variety +of Torments; one of which is to fasten the Hands behind the Neck with a +cord through pulleys secured to the vaulted Ceiling, so as to be jerked +up and down. Weights of Fifty Pounds each are then suspended to the +Feet, until anguish overpowers the senses, and a Confession of Guilt is +heard to quiver on the lips. Public Punishments are inflicted only Four +Times a Year, when a vast Scaffold is erected in the Space between the +Stadt House and Waag House, as before mentioned. Those that are only to +be Whipped endure that compliment with Merciless Severity, and are not +permitted to Retire till those who are to Die have suffered, which is +either by Decapitation or by the Rope. And this acts as a Warning as to +what will happen to 'em next time. On this occasion the Chief +Magistrates attend in their Robes. But though Strict, they are mighty +Just in administering their Laws, and will not permit the least +deviation or aggravation of the Sentence meted out. I did hear of one +jocular Rogue, that was condemned, for the murder of half-a-dozen women +and children, to have his Head severed from the Trunk at one stroke of +the Sword. This Mynheer Merry-Andrew, previous to quitting the Prayer +Chamber, lays a Wager with a Friend that the Executioner should not be +able to perform his office according to the exact terms of the Sentence. +So, the moment he knelt to receive the Fatal Stroke, he rolled his Head +in every direction so violently and rapidly, that the Headsman could not +hit him with any chance of severing his Neck at once; and after many +fruitless aims, was obliged to renounce the Task. The Officers who were +to see the Sentence executed were now in a Great Dilemma. In vain did +they try by argument to persuade the Fellow to remain still, and have +his Head quietly taken off. At last he was remanded back to Prison, and +after an hour's deliberation the presiding Magistrate, upon his own +Responsibility, ordered the Gallows to be brought out, and the Fellow to +be straightway Hanged thereupon; which was done, to the contentment of +the Populace, who were howling with Rage at the fear of being deprived +of their Sport. But the strait-laced Dutch Judges and Lawyers all took +alarm, and declared that the Fellow had been murdered; and nothing but +the high rank and character of the Magistrate preserved him from +grievous consequences. + +They observe, however, degrees in their Punishments, and are, even in +extreme cases, averse from Bloodshed, and willing to try all ways with a +criminal before Hanging or Beheading him. Thus have they their famous +Rasphuys for the Confinement and Correction of those whose Crimes are +not capital. Over the Gate are some insignificant painted wooden +figures, representing Rogues sawing Log-wood, and Justice holding a Rod +over them; and the like of these, with figures of scourging and +branding, they stick up in their Public Walks and Gardens, to show what +is Done to those who pluck the Flowers or carve Names upon the Trunks of +the Trees, and it has a most wholesome effect in frightening Evil-doers. +So in the Yard of the Rasphuys is a Whipping-post in Terrorem, with +another little figure of Justice flagrant with Execution. Here the +Rogues saw Campeachy-wood, which seems to be most toilsome work; and +yet by practice they can saw Two Hundred Pounds' weight every week with +ease, and also make many little Articles in Straw, Wood, Bone, and +Copper, to sell to Visitors. They are all clad in White Woollen, which, +when they are stained with the Red Sawdust, gives them a Hobgoblin kind +of appearance. Here too, in a corner of the Yard, they show the Cell in +which if the person who was confined in it did not incessantly Pump out +the Water let into it, he must inevitably be Drowned; but this Engine, +the Gaolers said, had not been used for many Years, and was only kept up +as an object of Terror. + +In the east quarter of Amsterdam, Justice is administered in its mildest +form; there being the Workhouse close to the Muider Gragt, a place +which, I believe, has not its parallel in the whole World. 'Tis partly +Correctional and partly Charitable; and when I saw it, there were Seven +Hundred and Fifty Persons within the Walls, the yearly expense being +about One Hundred Thousand Florins. In the rooms belonging to the +Governors and Directresses some exquisite Paintings by Van Dyck, +Rembrandt, and Jordaens; and, indeed, you can go scarcely any where in +Holland, from a Pig-stye to a Palace, without finding Paintings. Here, +in a vast room very cleanly kept, are an immense number of Women +occupied in Sewing and Spinning. Among them I saw once a fine +hearty-looking Irishwoman, who had been Confined here two whole Years, +for being a little more fond of true Schiedam Gin than her lawful +Spouse. In another vast Apartment, secured by many Iron Railings and +Grated Windows, are the Female Convicts in the highest state of +Discipline, and very industriously and silently engaged in making Lace, +under the superintendence of a Governess. From the Walls of the Boom are +suspended Instruments of Punishment, such as Scourges, Gags, and +Manacles, the which are not spared upon the slightest appearance of +Insubordination. Then there are Wards for the Men, Schoolrooms for a +vast number of Children, and Dormitories, all in the highest state of +Neatness. In another part of the Building, which only the Magistrates +are permitted to visit, are usually detained ten or a dozen Young +Ladies--some of very high Families--sent here by their Parents or +Friends for undutiful Deportment, or some other Domestic Offence. They +are compelled to wear a particular Dress as a mark of Degradation; are +kept apart; forced to work a certain number of hours a day; and are +occasionally Whipped. Here, too, upon complaints of Extravagance, +Tipsiness, &c., duly proved, can Husbands send their Wives, to be +confined and receive the Discipline of the House; _and hither, too, can +Wives send their Husbands for the same Cause, for Two, Three, and Four +Years together, till they show signs of amended Behaviour_. The Food is +abundant, and good; but the Work is hard, and the Stripes are many. +Might not such a course be tried with advantage in England, to abate and +cure the frivolities and extravagances of Fashionable People? + +So then, as an Honourable Merchant in a city and country where Commerce +is reckoned among the noblest of Pursuits, I might, but for my Perverse +Fate, have grown Rich, and taken unto myself a Dutch Wife, and had a +Brood of little Broad-beamed Children, that should smoke their Tobacco +and quaff their Schiedam, even from their Cradle upwards. Indeed, Madam +Vanderkipperhaerin of Gouda (the place where the Cows feed in the +Meadows clad in Blue-striped Jackets and Petticoats) was pleased to look +upon me with Eyes of Favour, and often said it was a Sin and Shame that +such a Proper Man as I (as she was good enough to say) was not Married +and Settled. And, indeed, why not? I ofttimes asked myself. I had +Florins, Guilders, and Stuyvers in abundance; my Partner was a +Magistrate, and well reputed worthy: why should I not give Hostages to +Fortune, and have done for good and all with the Life of a Roving +Bachelor? By this time (although by no means forgetting my own dear +native Tongue) I spoke French with Ease and Fluency, if not with +Grammatical correctness; and had likewise an indifferently copious +acquaintance with the Hollands Dialect. Why should not I be a +Magistrate, a Burgomaster? Madam Vanderkipperhaerin was Rich, and had a +beautiful Summer Villa all glistening with Bee's-waxed Campeachy-wood +and Polished Brass on the River Amstel, some three miles from the City. +She had a whole Cabinet full of Ostades and Jan Steens in ebony frames, +and a Side-board of Antique Plate that might have made Cranbourn Alley +jealous. Why did not I avail myself of the many Propitious Moments that +offered, and demand the Hand of that most respectable Dutch Dame. + +The Melancholy Truth is, that she chose to be jealous of Betje, Mr. +Vandepeereboom's comely Housekeeper, upon whom I declare that I had +never cast any thing but innocently Paternal Glances, and utterly deny +that I ever foregathered with that young Fraw. She was for moving Mr. +Vandepeereboom to have Betje sent to the Workhouse, there to be set to +Spinning, and to receive the usual unhandsome Treatment; and when he +refused,--having, in truth, no fault to find with the Poor +Girl,--Madam, in a Huff, withdrew her Countenance and Favour from me, +and, with sundry of her spiteful gossips, revived the old Story of my +having several Wives alive in different parts of Europe and the New +World. Surely there was never yet a man so exposed to calumny as poor +John Dangerous! + +Then, to make matters worse, there came that sad Affair of the Beguine. +Flesh and blood! a mortal man (I suppose) is not to be reckoned among +the vilest of Humanity because he falls in Love. How could I help +Wilhelmina van Praag being a Beguine? Moreover, a Beguine is not a Nun. +The Beguines belong to a modified kind of Monastic Order. They reside in +a large House with a wall and ditch around it, and that has a Church and +Hospital inside, and is for all the world like a little Town. But the +Sisterhood is perfectly secular; they mingle with the inhabitants of the +city, quit the Convent when they choose, and even marry when they are so +minded; but they are obliged, so long as they belong to the Order, to +attend Prayers a certain number of times a day, and to be within the +Convent-walls at a stated hour every evening. To be admitted to this +Order, they must be either unmarried or widows without children; and the +only certificate required of them is that of Good Behaviour, and that +they have a Competence to live upon. You may ask, if this almost entire +Liberty be granted them, what there was to hinder Mynheer Jan van +Dangerous and the Fair Beguine Wilhelmina van Praag from coming together +as Man and Wife? Wilhelmina was the comeliest Creature (save one) that I +have ever seen; and, but that she was a little Stout, would have passed +as the living model for the St. Catherine which Signor Raphael the +Painter did so well in Oils. I don't think I loved her; but she took my +Fancy immensely, and meeting her in the houses of divers Honourable +Families in Amsterdam, 'tis not to be concealed that I courted her with +much assiduity. This, by some mischief-making Persons, was held to be +highly compromising to the Fair Beguine. For all that I had become a +Grave Merchant, there was yet somewhat of the Gentleman of the Sword and +Adventurer on the High Seas about me; and a great hulking Cousin of the +young Fraw, that was a Lieutenant in their High Mightinesses Land +Forces,--the Amphibious Grenadiers I call 'em, and more used to +Salt-water than Salt-petre,--must needs challenge me to the Duello. The +laws against private warfare being very strict in Holland, we were +obliged to make a journey into Austrian Flanders, to Arrange our +Difficulty; and meeting on the borders of the Duchy of Luxembourg, +I--Well, is Jack Dangerous to be blamed for that he was, in the prime of +Life, an approved Master of Fence? + +The Lieutenant being dead of his Wounds (received in perfectly fair +fight), the whole City of Amsterdam must needs cry out that I had +murdered the Man; and the Families who had once been eager to receive me +turned their backs upon me. Then the Fair Beguine must go into a craze; +and, upon my word, when I heard how Mad she was, and how they had been +obliged to shut her up in the Hospital, I could not help thinking of the +History of my Grandmother, and did mistrust meeting the young Fraw van +Praag again (for she was very Sweet, I believe, with the Spark that +forced me to fight with him), for fear that she should Pistol me. But +she did not; and Recovered, to marry a very Wealthy Shipmaster named +Druyckx. + +While this Ugly Business was the talk of all tongues (but Mr. +Vandepeereboom clapped me on the Shoulder, and bade me take my Diversion +while he minded Business, for that all would Blow Over soon), I took an +Excursion ('twas in the third year of my Residence here) into North +Holland, to visit the famous village of Brock. Here the streets are +divided by little Rivulets, for all the world like Lilliputian Canals; +the Houses and Summer-houses all of Wood, painted Green and White, very +handsome, albeit whimsical in their shape, and scrupulously neat. The +Inhabitants have a peculiar association among themselves, and scarcely +ever admit a Stranger within their Doors. During my stay I only saw the +Faces of two of 'em, and then only by a stealthy Peep. They are said to +be very rich, and in some of their Kitchens to have Pots and Pans of +solid Gold. The Shutters of the Windows always kept closed, and the +Householders go to and fro by a Back Door, the Principal Entrance being +opened only at Marriages and Deaths. The Street Pavement all set out +with Pebbles and Cockleshells, and no Dogs or Cats were seen to trespass +upon it; and formerly there was a law to oblige all Passengers to take +off their Shoes. Here it was that a Man was once Convened and +Reprimanded for Sneezing in the Streets; and, latterly, a Parson, I +heard, upon being appointed to fill the Church on the Demise of an old +Predecessor, gave great offence to his Flock for not taking off his +Shoes when he ascended the Pulpit. The Gardens of this strange Village +produce Deer, Dogs, Peacocks, Chairs, and Ladders, all cut out in Box. I +never saw such a Museum of vegetable Statuary in my Life before. On the +whole, Brock resembles a trim, sprightly Ball-room, all garnished, +lighted up, and the floor well chalked, but not a Soul to Scrape Fiddle +or Foot Minuet. Farther from here is Saardam, which, at a distance, +looks like a City of Windmills. + +_Item._--I forgot to say, that at Brock they tie up the Cows' Tails with +Blue Ribbons. + +The Houses of Saardam are principally built of Wood, and every one has a +Fantastic kind of Baby Garden. Here is the Wooden Hut where Peter the +Great lived, when he wrought as a Shipwright in the Navy-yard. It stands +in a Garden, and is in Decent Preservation. The women in North Holland +are said to be handsomer than in any other part of the country; but I +was out of taste with Beauty when I came hither, and could see naught +but ugly Faces. + +So, coming back to Amsterdam, I found that Mr. Vandepeereboom's +Prediction was fulfilled with a Vengeance, and with Compound Interest. +The Business of the Beguine had Blown Over; but another affair had +Blown On, and this very speedily ended in a Blow Up. I am sorry to say +that this Fairspoken and seemingly Reputable Mr. Vandepeereboom turned +out to be a very Great Rogue. Our Firm was in the Batavian trade, +dealing in fine Spices, Nutmegs, Cloves, Mace, Cinnamon, and so forth; +also in Rice, Cotton, and Pepper; and especially in the Java Coffee, +which is held to be second only to that of Arabia. In this branch of +Trade the Dutch have no competition, and they are able to keep the price +of their Spices as high as they choose, by ordering what remains unsold +at the price they have fixed upon it to be Burnt. How it came to pass +that the Spice Ships consigned to us were all wrecked on the High Seas +and never insured; that the Batavian Merchants, to whom we advanced +money on their Consignments, all failed dismally; that every Speculation +we entered into went against us, and that we always burnt our Surplus +Goods just as prices were about to rise,--I know not; but certain it is, +that I had not been three weeks back in Amsterdam before the House of +Vandepeereboom and Dangerous went Bankrupt. Now 'tis an ugly thing to be +Bankrupt in Holland. The people are so thrifty and persevering, and so +jealous of keeping their Engagements, that the very rarity of Insolvency +makes it Scandalous. A Trading Debtor being a character very seldom to +be met with, he is held in more Odium in Holland than in any other part +of Europe. Yet are their Laws of Arrest milder than with us in England, +where for a matter of Forty Shillings an Honest Man becomes the prey of +a Catchpole, and for years after he has paid the Debt itself, with +exorbitant Costs to some Knavish Limb of the Law, may still continue to +Rot in Gaol for the Keeper's Fees or Garnish. Here, if the Debtor be a +Citizen or Registered Burgher (as I was), he is not subject to have his +Person seized at the suit of his Creditors, until three regular +Summonses have been duly served upon him to appear in the Court, which +Processes are completed in about a month; after which, if he does not +obey it, he may be laid hold of, but only when he has quitted his House; +for in Holland a Man's Dwelling is held even more sacred than in +England, and no Writ or Execution whatever is capable of being served +upon him so long as he keeps close, or even if he stands on the +threshold of his Home. In this Sanctuary he may set at Defiance every +Claimant; but if he have the Hardihood to appear Abroad, the Sergeants +collar him forthwith. But even in this case he goes not to a common Gaol +or Prison for Felons, but to a House of Restriction, where he is +properly entreated, and maintained with Liberal Humanity; the Expense of +which, as well as the Proceedings, must all be defrayed by the +Creditors. This regards only the private Gentleman Debtor; but woe +betide the Fraudulent Trader! The Bankrupt Laws of Holland differ from +ours in this respect, that all the Creditors must sign the Debtor's +Certificate, or Agreement of Liberation. If any decline, the Ground of +their Refusal is submitted to Arbitrators, who decide as to the merits +of the case; and if the Broken Merchant be found to be a Cheat, no +Mercy is shown him. The Rasphuys, the Pillory, nay, even the Dungeons +beneath the Stadt House, may be his Doom. + +This, Mr. Vandepeereboom (being a born Dutchman) knew very well; and he +waited neither for Deliberations as to his Certificate, nor for +Arbitrators' award. He e'en showed his Creditors a clean Pair of Heels, +and took Shipping for Harwich in England. I believe he afterwards +prospered exceedingly in London as a Crimp, or Purveyor of Men for the +Sea-Service, and submitted to the East India Company many notable plans +for injuring the Commerce of the Hollanders. I have likewise reason to +think that he did me a great deal of harm amongst my late Owners at +Bristol and elsewhere, saying that I had been the Ruin of him with +Wasteful Extravagance and Deboshed Ways, and that but for his +Intercession I should have been Broken on the Wheel for unhandsome +Behaviour to the Fair Beguine. Ere he flitted, he left me a Letter, in +which he had the Impudence to tell me that he had long since drawn out +my Account from the Bank of Amsterdam, thinking himself much better able +to take care of the Money than I was. Furthermore he contemptuously +advised me to try some other line than Commerce, for which I was, +through my Former Career--or Vagabond Habits, as he had the face to call +it--in no wise Fitted. Finally, he ironically wished me a Good +Deliverance from the hands of the Assessors of the Commercial Tribunal, +and, with a Devilish Sneer, recommended his Housekeeper Betje to my +care. O Mr. Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom! if ever we meet again, +old as I am, there shall be Weeping in Holland for you--if, indeed, +there be anybody left to shed tears for such a Worthless Rascal. + +This most Dishonest Person, however, did me unwittingly a trifle of +good, and at all events saved me from Gyves and Stripes. That Passage of +his in the Letter about my Funds in the Bank of Amsterdam was my +Deliverance. 'Twas widely known that I was but a simple Seafaring Man, +unused to Mercantile Affairs, and that I had really brought with me the +considerable Sum of Twenty Hundred Pounds. I was arrested, it is true, +and lay for many Months in the House of Restriction; but interest was +made for me, and the Creditors of the Broken House agreed to sign a +Certificate of Liberation. I believe that but for that mournful business +of the Beguine, and for that confounded Officer that I sworded, some of +the Wealthy Merchants would have subscribed to an Association for +setting me up again; but that Rencounter was remembered to my hurt, and, +says Mynheer van Bommel, when he brought me my Certificate, "Hark ye, +Friend Englander; you are Free this time. Take my advice, and get you +out of Holland as quick as ever you can; for their High Mightinesses, to +say nothing of the Worshipful Burgomasters of this City, have a +misliking for Men that are too quick with the Sword and too slow with +the Pen; and if you don't speedily mend your way of Life, and bid +farewell to this Country, you will find yourself sawing of +Campeachy-wood at the Rasphuys, with Dirk Juill, the Beadle, standing +over you with a Thong." Upon which I thanked him heartily; and he had +the Generosity to lend me Fifty Florins to furnish my present needs. + +I was no longer a Young Man. I was now long past my fortieth year, again +almost a Pauper, Friendless and Unknown in the World; yet did I feel +Undaunted, and confident that Better Days were in store for me. Pouching +my Fifty Florins, I first followed the Burgomaster's advice by getting +out of Holland as quick as ever I could, and betook myself by +Treyckshuyt and Stage Wagon to the city of Bruxelles in Brabant. Here I +abode for some months in the house of a clean Widow-woman that was a +Walloon, who, finding that I was English, and, besides, a very tolerable +French Scholar, procured me several Pupils among the Tradesfolk in the +neighbourhood of the Petit Sablon (hard by the Archduchess Governante's +Palace), where I dwelt on a Sixth Floor. By degrees I did so increase my +number of Pupils, that I was able to open a School of some thirty Lads +and Lasses. To both indifferently I taught the Languages, with Writing +and Accompts; while for the instruction of the latter in Needlework and +other Feminine Accomplishments I engaged my Landlady's Daughter, a +comely Maiden, albeit Red-haired, and very much pitted with the +Small-pox. Figure to yourself Captain Jack Dangerous turned Dominie! I +am venturesome enough to believe that I was a very passable Pedagogue; +and of this I am certain, that I was entirely beloved by my Scholars. +The sufferings I had undergone while a Captive in the hands of that +Barbarous Wretch, Gnawbit, had never been effaced from my Memory, and +had made me infinitely tender towards little Children. Indeed I could +scarcely bear to use the Ferula to them, or nip 'em with a Fescue, much +less to untruss and Scourge 'em, as 'tis the brutal fashion of Pedants +to do; nor do I think, though I disobeyed Solomon's maxim, and Spared +the Rod, that I did much towards Spoiling any Child that was under my +care. I made Learning easy and pleasant to my Youngsters, by telling +them all sorts of moving and marvellous Stories, drawn from what Books +of History I had handy (and these I admit I coloured a little, to suit +the Imaginations of the Young), and others concerning my own remarkable +Adventures, in which, however extraordinary they seemed, I always took +care to adhere strictly to the Truth, only suppressing that which it was +not proper for Youth and Innocence to be made acquainted with. + +But Schoolkeeping is a tiresome trade. One cannot be at it day and night +too; and a Man must have some place to Divert himself in, when the toils +of the day are over. I found out a Coffee-House in the Rue de Merinos, +or Spaan Scheep Straet, as the Flemings call it, in strange likeness to +our tongue, and there, over my Tobacco, made some strange Acquaintance. +There was one De Suaso, an Empiric, that had writ against the English +College of Physicians, and was like to have made a Fortune by his famous +Nostrum for the Gout, _the Sudorific Expulsive Mixture_; but that +Scheme had fallen through, it having been discovered that the Mixture +was naught but Quicksilver and Suet, which made the Patients perspire +indeed, but turned 'em all, to the very Silver in their Pockets, as +Black as Small-Coal Men. Now, he had become a kind of Pedlar, selling +Handkerchiefs made at Amsterdam, in imitation of those of Naples, with +Women's Gloves, Fans, Essences, and Pomatums--and in fact all the +Whim-Whams that are known in the Italian trade as _Galanterie le piu +curiose di Venezia e di Milano_. But his prime trade was in Selling of +Snuff, for the choicer sorts of which there was at that time a perfect +Rage among the Quality, both of the Continent and of England. This De +Suaso used to Laugh, and say that the best venture he had ever made was +from a Parcel of Snuff so bad and rotten, that he was about to send it +back to the Hamburg Merchant who had sold it him, when one day, plying +at the chief Coffee-House, as was his wont, my Lord Hautgoustham, an +English Nobleman, desired him to fill his box with the choicest Snuff +he had. Thinking my Lord really a Judge, he gives him some undeniable +_Bouquet Dauphine_; but the Peer would have none of it. Then he tries +him with one Mixture after another, but always unsuccessfully; until at +last he bethinks him of the Musty Parcel he has at home, and +accordingly, having fetched some of that, returns to the Coffee-House, +and says that he has indeed a Snuff of extraordinary Smell and Taste, +but that 'tis extravagantly dear. Lord Hautgoustham tries it, and calls +out in an ecstasy that 'tis the most beautiful Snuff he ever put to his +Nose. He bought a Pound of it, for which De Suaso charged him at the +moderate rate of Four Guineas; and desires to know his Lodging, that he +may send his Friends to buy some of this Incomparable Mixture. The +Artful Rogue then affects the Coy, says that his Stock of the Snuff is +very low, and by degrees raises his price to Eleven Pistoles a Pound, +until the English in Brussels have been half-poisoned with his filthy +Remnant; when there comes upon the scene a certain Mr. Dubiggin, a rich +old English Merchant of the Caraccas, who knew all kinds of Snuff as +well as a Yorkshire Tyke knows Horses; and he, telling the Nobleman and +his Friends how they have been duped, my Lord Hautgoustham, who was of a +hot temper, makes no more ado, but kicks this unhappy De Suaso half way +down the Montagne de la Cour. + +Here, too, I made an Acquaintance who was afterwards the means of +working me much Mischief. This was one Ferdinando Carolyi, that said he +was a Styrian, but spoke most Tongues, and was a thoroughly accomplished +Rascal. He had been a painter of Flower-pieces, and from what I could +learn had also made the Mill to go in the way of coining False Money; +but at the time I knew him was all for the occult Science called the +Cabala. He showed me a whole chestful of Writings at his Lodgings--which +were very mean--and declared that he had invented a perfect and +particular System, which he called the Astronomical Terrestrial Cabala. +He had run through the whole Pentateuch, and had reduced to the Signs +of the Zodiac the words of such Scripture Verses as answered to the +same; one to Aries, the second to Taurus, the third to Gemini, and the +like. In short, there appeared a kind of Harmony in 'em, particularly +when the Terrestrial Cabala (which was of the Dryest) was moistened with +a flask or two of good old Rhenish. The whole of this contrivance was to +tend towards the Discovery of the Philosopher's Stone. He pretended by +these Astronomical Figures to have penetrated into the most essential +Arcana of Nature, and all the necessary operations for attaining the +_Elixir Philosophorum_, or some such word. But this Carolyi had such a +winning Way with him, that he would well-nigh have talked a Donkey's +Hind-leg off. He began to tell me about Peter of Lombardy and the great +adept Zacharias, and of the blessed Terra Foliata, or Land of Leaves, +where Gold is sown to be radically Dissolved in order to its +Putrefaction and Regermination in a Fixation which has Power over its +Brethren the Imperfect Metals, and makes them like unto itself; and +this process (which I believe to have been only a story about a Cock and +a Bull) he called Re-incrudation. In fact my Gentleman almost talked me +out of my Senses: and as I thought him a monstrous clever Man, I lent +him (although my Purse was as lean as might be) half-a-score of Austrian +Ducats, to carry out his experiments in the Universal Menstruum. Alas! I +never saw my Ducats nor my Alchemist again. A week after I had lent him +the money, he fled on a suspicion of Base Coin; and I had hard work to +persuade the Officers of Justice that I had not a hand in his +Malpractices. As it was, nearly all my Scholars fell away from my +School; and the Impudent Flemings sneered at me as _Mozzoo Kabala_,--in +their barbarous Lingo,--and I was pointed out in the streets as a +Wizard, a Fortune-teller, a Cunning Man, and what not. So that I was +fain, after about ten years' sojourn at Bruxelles, to call in my Dues, +gather my few Effects together, and bidding farewell to Flanders, +proceed to Paris. It was time; for the Priests were up in arms against +me as a Heretic Outlaw, dealing in Magic. The Black Gentry are +hereabouts very Bigoted; and although they have no Inquisition, would, I +doubt not, have led me a sorry Life, but for my Discretion in timely +Flitting. + + + + +CHAPTER THE FIFTH. + +OF A STRANGE AND HORRIBLE ADVENTURE I HAD IN PARIS, WHICH WAS NEARLY MY +UNDOING. + + +THE Manner of its Coming About was this. I arrived in Paris very Poor +and Miserable, and was for some days (when that which I brought with me +was spent) almost destitute of Bread. At last, hearing that some Odd +Hands were wanted at the Opera-House to caper about in a new Ballet upon +the Story of Orpheus, the Master of the Tavern where I Lodged, who had +been a Property-Master at the Theatres, and entertained many of the +Playing Gentry, made interest for me, as much to keep me from Starving +as to put me in the way of earning enough money to pay my Score to him. +For I have found that there never was in this world a man so Poor but +he could manage to run into Debt. In virtue of his Influence, I, who had +never so much as stood up in a polite Minuet in my life, and knew no +more of Dancing than sufficed to foot it on a Shuffleboard at a Tavern +to the tune of Green Sleeves, was engaged at the wages of one Livre ten +Sols a night to be a Mime in the same Ballet. But 'twas little +proficiency in Dancing they wanted from me. One need not have been bound +'prentice to a Hackney Caper-Merchant to play one of the Furies that +hold back Eurydice, and vomit Flames through a Great Mask. They gave me +a Monstrous Dress, akin to the _San Benitos_ which are worn by the poor +wretches who are burnt by the Inquisition; and my flame-burning was done +by an Ingenious Mechanical Contrivance, that had a most delectable +effect, albeit the Fumes of the Sulphur half-choked me. And they did not +ask for any Characters for their Furies. I tumbled and vomited Flames +for at least thirty nights, when one evening, standing at the +Side-Scenes waiting for my turn to come on, it chanced that the light +gauzy Coats of a pretty little Dancing-girl, that was playing a Dryad in +the Wood where Orpheus charms the Beast, caught Fire. I think 'twas the +Candle fell out of the Moon-box, and so on to her Drapery; but, at all +events, she was Alight, and ran about the Scene, screaming piteously. +The poor little cowardly wretches her Companions all ran away in sheer +terror; and as for the two Musqueteers of the Guard who stood sentry at +each side of the Proscenium, one dastard Losel fell on his Marrow-bones +and began bawling for his Saints, whilst the other, a more active +Craven, drops his musket and bayonet with a clang, and clambers into the +Orchestra, hitting out right and left among the Fiddlers, and very +nearly tumbling into the Big Drum. All this took much less time to pass +than I have taken to relate; but as quick as thought I rushed on to the +stage, seized hold of the little Dancing-girl, tripped her up, and +rolling her over and over on the Boards, I encompassed her till the +flames were Extinguished. Luckily there was no Harm done. She was +Bruised all over, and one of her pretty little Elbows was scratched; but +that was all. One of the Gentlemen of the King's Chamber came round from +his Box; and the Sardinian Ambassador sends round at once a Purse of +Fifty Pistoles, and an offer for her to become his Madam; "For I should +like one," his Excellency said, "that had been half-roasted. All these +Frenchwomen look as though they had been boiled." When the Little Girl +was brought to her Dressing-room, and had somewhat recovered from her +Fright, she began to thank me, her Preserver, as she called me, with +great Fervour and Vehemence; yet did I fancy that, although her words +were excellently well chosen, she spoke with somewhat of an English +Accent. And indeed she proved to be English. She was the Daughter of one +Mr. Lovell, an English Gentleman of very fair extraction, who had been +unfortunately mixed up in the troubles of the Forty-five; and having +been rather a dangerous Plotter, and so excepted from the Act of +Oblivion, had been fain to reside in Paris ever since, picking up a +Crust as he could by translating, teaching of the Theorbo and +Harpsichord, and suchlike sorry Shifts. But he was very well connected, +and had powerful friends among the French Quality. He was now a very old +man, but of a most Genteel Presence and Majestic Carriage. The Little +Girl's name--she was now about Eighteen years old--was Lilias, and she +was the only one. As she had a marvellous turn for Dancing, old Mr. +Lovell had (in the stress of his Affairs) allowed her to be hired at the +Opera House, where she received no less than a Hundred Ecus a month; but +he knew too well what mettle Gentlemen of the King's Chamber and +Musqueteers of the Guard were made of; and every night after the +Performance he came down to the Theatre to fetch her--his Hat fiercely +cocked, and his long Sword under his arm. So that none dared follow or +molest her. And I question even, if he had heard of the Ambassador's +offer, whether the old Gentleman would not have demanded Satisfaction +from his Excellency for that slight. + +When I discovered that this dear little Creature, who was as fair as her +name and as good as gold, was my Countrywoman, I made bold to tell her +that I was English too; whereupon she Laughed, and in her sweet manner +expressed her wonder that I had come to be playing a Fury at the French +Opera House. I chose to keep my Belongings private for the nonce; so the +old Gentleman, treating me as an honest fellow of Low Degree, presented +me with ten Livres, which I accepted, nothing loth, and the Theatre +People even made a purse for me amounting to Fifty more. So that I got +as rich as a Jew, and was much in favour with my Landlord. But, better +than all, the Little Girl, as I was her Preserver, insisted that I +should be her Protector too; and old Mr. Lovell being laid up very bad +with the rheumatism, I was often privileged to attend her home after the +Theatre, walking respectfully a couple of paces behind her, and grasping +a stout Cudgel. Father and Daughter lived in the Impasse Mauvaise +Langue, Rue des Moineaux, behind St. Rogue's Church; and often when I +had got my precious charge home, she would press me to stop to supper, +the which I took very humbly at a side table, and listened to the +stories of old Mr. Lovell (who was very garrulous) about the Forty-five. +"Bless his old heart," thought I; "I could tell him something about the +Forty-five that would astonish him." + +'Twas one night after leaving the Impasse Mauvaise Langue that, feeling +both cold and dry, I turned into a Tavern that was open late, for a +measure of Hot Spiced Wine, as a Night-cap. There was no one there, +beyond the People of the House, save a man in a Drugget coat, a green +velveteen Waistcoat, red plush Nethers, and a flapped Hat, all very Worn +and Greasy. He was about my own age, and wore his own Hair; but the most +remarkable thing about him was his Face. I never saw such a Red Face. +'Twas a hundred times more fiery than that of Bardolph in the Play. +'Twas more glowing than a Salamander's. 'Twas redder than Sir Robert +Walpole's (the great Whig Minister who, in my youth, was called by the +Common "Brandy-faced Bob!"). This man's Face was most terribly puffed +and swollen, and the veins all injected with purplish Blood. The tips of +his Ears were like two pendant Carbuncles. His little bloodshot Eyes +seemed starting from their Sockets, while the Cheeks beneath puffed out +like Pillows for his Orbits to rest upon. Not less worthy of remark was +it that this Red-faced Man's Lips were of a tawny White. He was for ever +scrabbling with his hands among his tufted Locks, and pressing them to +his Temples, as though his Head pained him--which there was reason to +believe it did. + +This strange Person was, when I entered the Wine-shop, in hot Dispute +with the Master about some trifling Liquor Score. He would not Pay, he +said; no, not he. He had been basely Robbed and Swindled. He had plenty +of Money, but he would not disburse a Red Liard. He showed, indeed, a +Leathern Purse with two or three Gold Pieces in it, and smaller Money; +but declared that he would Die sooner than disburse. And as he said +this, he drew out of his pocket a long Clasp-Knife, two-bladed; and +opening it, brandished it about, and said they had better let him go, or +Worse would come of it. + +The Master of the Tavern and his Wife, decent bodies both, were wofully +frightened at the behaviour of this Desperado; but I was not to be +frightened by such Racketing. I bade him put up his Toothpick, giving +him at the same time a Back-Hander, which drove him into a Corner, where +he crouched, snarling like a Wild-beast, but offering to do me no hurt. +Then I asked what the To-do was about, and was told that he stood +indebted but for Eight Sols, for Half a Litre of Wine, and that they +could not account for his Fury. The Man was evidently not in Liquor, +which was strange. + +These good people were so flustered at the Man's uncommon Demeanour, +that, seeing I was Strong and Valiant, they begged me to take him away. +This I did, first discharging his Reckoning; for as he had Money about +him, I doubted not but that he would recoup me. I got him into the +Street (which was close to the Market of the Innocents, and I lived in +the Street of the Ancient Comedy, t'other side of the River), and asked +him where he was going. + +"To get a Billet of Confession," he made answer. + +"Stuff and Nonsense!" I answered, in the French Tongue. "They sell them +not at this Hour of Night. Where do you live?" + +"In the Parvis of Notre Dame," says he, staring like a Stuck Pig. "O +Arnault! O Jansenius! O Monsieur de Paris! all this is your fault!" + +And he lugs out of his Pocket a ragged Sheet of Paper, which he said was +the last Mandement or Charge of the Archbishop of Paris, and was for +reading it to me by the Moonlight; but I stopped him short. I had heard +in a vague manner that the Public Mind was just then much agitated by +some Dispute between the Clergy and the Parliament concerning Billets or +Certificates of Confession; but they concerned neither me nor the Opera +House. Besides, an Hour after Midnight is not the time for reading +Archbishops' Charges in the Public Streets. + +"'Tis my belief, Brother," I said, as soothingly as I could, "that you'd +better go Home, and tie a Wet Clout round your Head; or, better still, +hie to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood. Have you e'er a Home?" + +He began to tell me that his Name was ROBERT FRANCOIS DAMIENS; that he +had come from Picardy; that he had been a Stableman, a Locksmith, a +Camp-follower, and a Servant at the College of Louis-le-Grand; that he +had a Wife who was a Cook in a Noble Family, and a Daughter who coloured +Prints for a Seller of Engravings. In short, he told me all save what I +desired to know. And in the midst of his rambling recital he stops, and +claps his Hand to his Forehead again. + +"What ails you?" I asked. + +"_C'est le Sang, c'est le Sang qui me monte a la Tete!_" cries he. "_La +Faute est a Monseigneur et a son Mandement. Je perirai; mais les Grands +de la Terre periront avec moi._"[B] + +And with this Bedlamite Speech he broke away from me,--for I had kept a +slight hold of him,--and set off Running as hard as his legs could carry +him. + +I concluded that this Red-faced Man must be some Mad Fellow just escaped +out of Charenton; and, having other Fish to fry, let him follow his own +devices. Whereupon I kindled a Pipe of Tobacco, and went home to Bed. + +Two days after this (March, 1757), the whole Troop of the Opera House +were commanded to Versailles, there to perform the Ballet of Orpheus +before Mesdames the King's Daughters. I had by this time received slight +Promotion, and played the Dog Cerberus,--at which my dear little Angel +of a Lilias made much mirth. His Majesty was to have waited at +Versailles for the playing of the Piece; but after Dinner he changes his +mind, and determines on returning to his other Palace of Trianon. + +'Twas about Five o'clock in the Afternoon, and there was a great Crowd +in the Court of Marble to see the Most Christian King take Coach for +Trianon. The Great Court was full of Gardes Francaises, Musqueteers Red +and Gray carrying Torches, with Coaches, Led Horses, Prickers, Grooms, +Pages, Valets, Waiting Women, and all the Hurley-Burly of a great Court. +Some few of the Commonalty also managed to squeeze themselves +in--amongst others, your humble Servant, John Dangerous, who was now +reckoned no better than a Rascal Buffoon. + +'Twas bitterly cold, and freezing hard, and the Courtiers had their +hands squeezed into great fur Muffs. I saw the King come down the Marble +Staircase; a fair portly Gentleman, with a Greatcoat, lined with fur, +over his ordinary vestments--then a novelty among the French, and called +a _Redingote_, from our English Riding-coat. + +"Is that the King?" I heard a Voice, which I seemed to remember, ask +behind me, as the Monarch passed between a double line of Spectators to +his Coach. + +"Yes, Dog," answered he who had been addressed, and who was an Officer +in the Gray Musqueteers. "Pig, why dost thou not take off thy Hat?" + +I was all at once pushed violently on one side. A Man with a Drugget +Coat and Flapped Hat, and whom I at once recognised by the light of the +glaring torches as the Red-faced Brawler of the Wine-shop, darted +through the line of Guards, an open Knife in his hand, and rushing up +to him, stabbed King Lewis the Fifteenth in the side. + +I could hear his Majesty cry out, "_Oh! je suis blesse!_"--"I am +wounded!"--but all the rest was turbulence and confusion; in the midst +of which, not caring that the Red-faced Man should claim me as an +Acquaintance, I slipped away. I need scarcely say that there was no +Ballet at Versailles that night. + +A great deal of Blood came from the King's Wound; for he was a Plethoric +Sovereign, much given to High Living; but he was, on the whole, more +Frightened than Hurt. Although when the Assassin was first laid hold of, +His Majesty cried out in an Easy Manner that no Harm was to be done him, +he never afterwards troubled his Royal Self in the slightest Manner to +put a stop to the Hellish Torments inflicted on a Poor Wretch, who had, +at the most, but scratched his Flesh, and for whom the most fitting +Punishment would have been a Cell in a Madhouse. + +As for this most miserable Red-faced Man, Robert Francois Damiens, this +is what was done to him. At first handling, he was very nearly murdered +by the Young Gentlemen Officers of the Body Guard, who, having tied him +to a Bench, pricked him with their Sword Points, beat him with their +Belts, and pummelled him about the Mouth with the Butt-ends of Pistols. +Then he was had to the Civil Prison; and a certain President, named +Michault, came to interrogate him, who being most zealous to discover +whether the Parricide (as he was called) had any Accomplices, heated a +Pair of Pincers in the Fire, and when they were red-hot, clawed and +dragged away at the Unhappy Man's Legs, till the whole Dungeon did reek +with the horrible Odour of Burnt Flesh. Just imagine one of our English +Judges of the Land undertaking such a Hangman's Office! The poor Wretch +made no other complaint than to murmur that the King had directed that +he was not to be ill-treated; and when they further questioned him, +could only stammer out some Incoherent Balderdash about the Archbishop, +the Parliament, and the Billets of Confession. + +After many Days, he was removed from Versailles to Paris; but his Legs +were so bad with the Burning, that they were obliged to carry him away +on a Mattress. So to Paris; the Journey taking Six Hours, through his +great attendance of Guards and the thickness of the Crowd. He was had to +the Prison of the Conciergerie, and put into a Circular Dungeon in the +Tower called of Montgomery--the very same one where Ravaillac, that +killed Henry the Fourth, had formerly lain. There they put him into a +kind of Sack of Shamoy Leather, leaving only his Head free; and he was +tied down to his bed--which was a common Hospital Pallet--by an immense +number of Leathern Straps, secured by Iron Rings to the Floor of his +Dungeon. But what Dr. Goldsmith, the Poetry-writer, means by "Damiens' +Bed of Steel," I'm sure I don't know. At the head and foot of his Bed an +Exempt kept watch Night and Day, and every three-quarters of an hour +the Guard was relieved; so that the Miserable Creature had little chance +of Sleeping. He would have sunk under all this Cruelty, but that they +kept him up with Rich Meats and Generous Wines, which they had all but +to force down his Throat. + +But while all this was being done to Damiens, other steps were being +taken by Justice, the which narrowly concerned me. As he would denounce +no Accomplices, real or imaginary, the Police did their best to find out +his Confederates for themselves, and by diligent Inquiry made themselves +acquainted with all Damiens' movements for days before he committed his +Crime. They found out the Wine-shop where he had refused to pay his +Reckoning and made a Disturbance; and learning from the people of the +House what manner of Man had paid for him and taken him away, they were +soon on _my_ track. One night, just before the Ballet began, I was taken +by two Exempts; and, in the very play-acting dress as Cerberus that I +wore, was forced into a Sedan, and taken, surrounded by Guards, to the +Prison of the Chatelet. I thought of appealing to our Ambassador in +Paris, and proving that I was a faithful Subject of King George; but, as +it happened, I owed my safety to one who disowned that Monarch, and kept +all his Allegiance for King James. For old Mr. Lovell, hearing of my +Arrest, and importuned by poor Pretty Miss Lilias, who was kind enough +to shed many Tears on the occasion, hurried off to his Eminence the +Cardinal de ----, who was all but supreme at Court, and with whom he had +great Influence. The Cardinal listens to him very graciously, and by and +by comes down the President Pasquier to interrogate me, to whom I told a +plain Tale, setting forth how I had been unfortunate in Business in +Holland and Flanders, and was earning an honest Livelihood by playing a +Dog in a Pantomime. The people in the Wine-shop could not but bear me +out in stating that I had come across the Red-faced Man by pure +Accident, and was no Friend of his. It was moreover established by the +Police, that I had not been seen in Damiens' company after the Night I +first met him, and that I had a legitimate call to be at Versailles on +the day of the Assassination; so that after about a fortnight's +detention I was set at Liberty, to my own great joy and that of my good +and kind Mistress Lilias, who had now repaid ten-thousand-fold whatever +paltry Service I had been fortunate enough to render her. Nay, this +seeming Misadventure was of present service to me; for his Eminence was +pleased to say that he should be glad to hear something more concerning +me, for that I seemed a Bold Fellow; and at an Interview with him, which +lasted more than an Hour, I told him my whole Life and Adventures, which +caused him to elevate his Eyebrows not a little. + +"_Cospetto!_ Signor Dangerous," says he (for though he spoke French like +a Native he was by Birth an Italian, and sometimes swore in that +Language), "if all be true what you say,--and you do not look like a +Man who tells Lies,--you have led a strange Life. When a Boy, you were +nearly Hanged; and now at the _mezzo cammin_ of Life you have been on +the point of having your Limbs broken on a St. Andrew's Cross. However, +we must see what we can do for you. Strength, Valour, Experience, and +Discretion do not often go together; but I give you credit for +possessing a fair show of all Four. I suppose, now, that you are tired +of squatting at the Wicket of the Infernal Regions at the Opera House?" + +I bowed in acknowledgment of his Eminence's compliments, and said that I +should be glad of any Employment. + +"Well, well," continued his Eminence, "we will see. At present, as you +say you are a fair Scholar, my Secretary will find you some work in +copying Letters. And here, Signor Dangerous, take these ten Louis, and +furnish yourself with some more Clerkly Attire than your present trim. +It would never do for a Prince of the Church to have a Flavour of the +Opera Side-Scenes about his house." + +Unless Rumour lied, there hung sometimes about his Eminence's sumptuous +hotel a Flavour, not alone of the Opera Side-Scenes, but of the +Ballet-Dancers' Tiring-room. However, let that pass. I took the ten +Louis with many Thanks, and six hours afterwards was strutting about in +a suit of Black, full trimmed, with a little short Cloak, for all the +world like a Notary's Clerk. + +I had been in the Employ of his Eminence--who showed me daily more and +more favour--about a month, when all Paris was agog with the News that +the Monster Parricide and Hell-Hound (as they called him from the +Pulpit), Robert Francois Damiens, was to suffer the last Penalty of his +Crime. I know not what strange horrible fascination I yielded to, but I +could not resist the desire to see the End of the Red-faced Man. I went. +The Tragedy took place on the Place de Greve; but ere he came on to his +last Scene, Damiens had gone through other Woes well-nigh unutterable. +I speak not of his performing the _amende honorable_, bare-footed, in +his Shirt, a Halter round his Neck, and a lighted Taper of six pounds' +weight in his Hand, at the Church-door, confessing his Crime, and asking +Pardon of God, the King, and all Christian Men. Ah! no; he had suffered +more than this. Part of his Sentence was that, prior to Execution, he +was to undergo the Question Ordinary and Extraordinary; and so at the +Conciergerie, in the presence of Presidents, Counsellors of the +Parliament, Great Noblemen of the Court, and other Dignitaries, the Poor +Thing was put into the _Brodequins_, or Boots, and wedge after wedge +driven in between his Legs--already raw and inflamed with the Devilries +of the President Michault--and the Iron Incasement. He rent the air with +his Screams, until the Surgeons declared that he could hold out no +longer. But he confessed nothing; for what had he to confess? + +Then came the last awful Day, when all this Agony was to end. I saw it +all. The Greve was densely packed; and although the space is not a third +so large as Tower Hill, there seemed to be Thousands more persons +present than at the beheading of my Lord Lovat. A sorrier Sight was it +to see the windows of the Hotel de Ville thronged with Great Ladies of +the Court, many of them Young and Beautiful, and all bravely Dressed, +who laughed and chattered and ate Sweetmeats while the Terrible Show was +going on. The Sentence ran that the Assassin's Hand, holding the Knife +which he had used, should be Burnt in a Slow-fire of Sulphur. Then that +his Flesh should be torn on the Breast, Arms, Stomach, Thighs, and +Calves of the Legs with Pincers; and then that into the gaping Wounds +there should be poured Melted Lead, Rosin, Pitch, Wax, and Boiling Oil. +And finally, that by the Four Extremities he should be attached to Four +Horses, and rent Asunder; his Body then to be Burnt, and his Ashes +scattered to the Winds. There was nothing said about the Lord having +mercy upon his Soul; but careful injunction was made that he was to be +condemned in the Costs of the Prosecution. + +All this was done, although I sicken to record it; but in the most +Blundering Butcherly manner. The Chief-Executioner of the Parliament was +Sick, and so the task was deputed to his Nephew, Gabriel Sanson, who +being, notwithstanding his Sanguinary Office (which is hereditary), a +Humane kind of Young Man, was all in a Shiver at what he had to perform, +and quite lost his Head. Both his Valets, or Under-Hangmen, were Drunk. +They had forgotten the Pitch, Oil, Rosin, and other things; and at the +last moment they had to be sent for to the neighbouring Grocers'. But +these Shopkeepers declared, out of humanity, that they had them not; +whereupon Guards and Exempts were sent, who searched their Stores, and +seized what was wanted in the King's Name. Then the Fiendish Show began. +I can hear the miserable man's Shrieks as I sit writing this now.--But +no more. + +So strong is our Human Frame, that the great strong Brewer's Horses, +although Dragged and Whipped this way and t'other, could not pull his +limbs Asunder. So the Surgeons were obliged to sever the great Sinews +with Knives, and then the Horses managed it, somehow. + +_Note._--When the Horses were Lashed, to make 'em pull Lustily, the Fine +Ladies at the windows fluttered their Fans, and, in their sweet little +Court Lingo, cried out compassionately, "_Oh, les pauv' Zevaux!_"--"Oh, +the poor Dobbins!" They didn't say any thing about a poor Damiens. + +_Note._--Also, that when they took his Head, to cram it into the +Brazier, and burn it with the rest of his Members, they found that his +Hair, which when he was arrested was of a Dark Brown, had turned quite +White. + +This Story is Naked Truth, and it was done in the Christian country of +France, and in the Year of our Lord Seventeen Hundred and Fifty-Seven. +It all fell out because a poor, ignorant, half-crazy Serving-Man chose +to muddle his Head about the Archbishop of Paris and his Billets of +Confession, and because he would not go to a Chirurgeon and be let Blood +when Jack Dangerous bade him. + +A week after this his Eminence was pleased to send for me into his +Cabinet, and told me that he had heard great Accounts from his Secretary +of my Parts, Application, and Capacity, and that he designed to restore +me to the position of a Gentleman. He asked me if I had a mind for a +particular Employment and a Secret Mission; and on my signifying my +willingness to embark in such an Undertaking, bade me hold myself in +readiness to travel forthwith into Italy. + + +FOOTNOTE: + +[B] "'Tis the Blood, the Blood mounting to my Head! 'Tis the +Archbishop's fault, and that of his Charge. I shall perish; but the +Mighty Ones of the Earth shall perish with me." + +I have, contrary to my practice, given these Words as they were spoken, +in the French Tongue: for they sunk into my Mind, so as never to be +forgotten.--J. D. + + + + +CHAPTER THE SIXTH. + +OF MY SECRET EMPLOYMENT IN THE SERVICE OF THE CARDINAL DE ----. + + +PARIS was now clearly no place for me; so bidding adieu to my kind +Protectress, I made what haste I could to quit the city where I had +witnessed, and in some sense been implicated in, so Frightful a Tragedy. +There had always been mingled with my Adventurous Temperament a turn for +sober Reflection; and I did not fail to Reflect with much seriousness +upon the appalling perils from which I had just, by the Mercy of +Providence, escaped. Setting altogether on one side the Pretty Sight I +should have presented had I been subject to the Hellish Tortures which +this poor crazy Wretch Damiens underwent, I justly conceived an extreme +Horror for this Fiendish yet frivolous People, who could mingle the +twirling of Fans and the sucking of Sugarplums, with the most +excruciating Torments ever inflicted upon a Human Being. At least, so I +reasoned to myself; if we English hang and disembowel a Traitor, at +least we strangle him first; and though the sentence is Bloodthirsty, +the mob would rend 'Squire Ketch in pieces were it known that a Spark of +Life remained in the Body of the Patient when the Hangman's Knife +touched his Breast; but these Frenchmen have neither Humanity nor +Decency, and positively pet and pamper up their Victim in order that he +may be the better able to endure the full effects of their infernal +Spite. + +Not without considerable Misgivings did I undertake my new Employment, +the more so as I was both forbidden and ashamed to impart any inkling of +its nature to my dear Mistress. Say what you will, no man that has a +spark of Honesty remaining in him can have much relish for the calling +of a Spy. I tried hard to persuade myself that this was a kind of +Diplomatic Employment; that I was intrusted with Secrets of State; and +that by faithfully carrying out my Instructions, I was serving the cause +of Civilisation, and in my humble way helping to maintain the Peace of +Europe. For in all ages there have been, and in all to come there must +be, sober and discreet Persons to act as Emissaries, to inquire into the +conditions of the People, and bring back Tidings of the Nakedness or +Fertility of the Land. It would never have been known that there was +Corn in Egypt, but for the sagacious Investigations of Messengers sent +to quest about in the interest of a Famished Community. Nevertheless I +admit that, although I spread much such Balsam upon my galled and chafed +Conscience, I could not avoid a dismal Distrust that all these Arguments +were vain and Sophistical. The words, "Spy, Spy, Spy," haunted me both +by day and by night. I saw, in imagination, the Finger of Derision +pointed at me, and heard, in spirit, the wagging of the Tongues of +Evil-minded Men. The worst of it was, that the occult nature of my +Mission prevented me from loudly proclaiming my Honesty in order to +vindicate it against all comers, and glued my Sword to its Scabbard, +whence it would otherwise furiously have leapt to avenge the merest +Slight put upon me. + +His Eminence the Cardinal de ---- was pleased to equip me for my Journey +in the most munificent Manner. First he directed me to procure a +plentiful stock of Clothes both for travelling and for gala Occasions, +not forgetting a couple of good serviceable Rapiers, as well as a +Walking-sword, a Dress-foil, and a Hanger, with a pair of Holster +Pistols, and two smaller ones of Steel in case of Emergencies. Also, by +his advice, within the lining of my Coat, by the nape of my Neck, just +where the bag of my Wig hung, I secreted a neat little Poniard or +Dagger. In a small Emerald Ring, of which he made me a Present, was +compactly stowed a quantity of very subtle and potent Poison, sufficient +to kill Two Men. "One never knows what may happen, dear Captain," says +his Eminence to me, with his unctuous Smile. "Your Profession is one of +sudden Risks, leading sometimes to prospects of painful Inconvenience. +If you are brought to such a pass that all your Ingenuity will not +enable you to extricate yourself from it, and if you have any rational +Objection, say, to being Burnt Alive, or Broken on the Wheel, 'tis +always as well to have the means at hand of executing oneself with +genteel Tranquillity. Such means you will always carry with you on your +Little Finger; and I can see, by the circumference of the Ring, that +'tis only by Sawing off that it can be got from off your Digit. Poison +yourself then, _mio caro_, if you see no other way of getting out of the +Scrape; but pray remember this; That he who has poison about him, and +only enough for one, is an Ass. _Always carry enough for Two._ The +immersion of that little finger in a Glass of Wine, and the pressure of +a little Spring, would make Hercules so much cold chicken in a Moment. +There are times, dear Captain, when you may have to save Half your +Potion to kill yourself, but when you may safely lay out the other Half +with the view of killing somebody else." A mighty pleasant Way had his +Eminence with him; and his conversation was a kind of Borgia Brocade +shot with Machiavelism. + +My Despatches and other Secret Documents I was to carry neatly folded +and moulded within a Ball of Wax not much larger than a Pill. This again +was put into a Comfit-box of Gold, and suspended by a minute but strong +Chain of Steel round my Neck. + +"In difficult Circumstances," says his Eminence, "you will open that +Comfit-box and swallow that little Ball of Wax. I have often thought," +he pursued, "that Spies, to be perfect in their Vocation, should first +of all be apprenticed to Mountebanks. At the Fair of St. Germain, I have +gazed with admiration on the grotesquely bedizened fellows who swallow +Swords, Redhot Pokers, and Yards of Ribbon without number, and thought +of what invaluable service their Powers of Gullet would be in the rapid +and effectual concealment of Documents the which it is expedient to +conceal from the eyes of the Vulgar." + +Again, in the folds of a silken belt, in the which I was to keep my +Letters of Credit and a large unset Diamond, in case I should be pressed +for Money in places where there were no Bankers,--for Diamonds are +convertible into Cash from one end of the World to the other, except +among the Cannibals,--in this Belt was a little Scrap of Parchment +secured between two squares of Glass, and bearing an Inscription in +minute characters, which I was unable to decipher. I have the Scrap of +Parchment by me yet, and have shown it to Doctor Dubiety, who is a very +learned man; but even he is puzzled with it; and beyond opining that the +characters are either Arabic or Sanscrit, cannot give me any information +regarding their Purport. + +"This Parchment," observed the Cardinal when he delivered it to me, +"will be of no service to you with Civil or Military Governors, and it +will be well for you not to show it to carnal-minded Men; but if ever +you get into difficulties with Holy Mother Church--I speak not of +Heretic Communions--you may produce it at once, and it will be sure to +deliver you from those Fiery Furnaces and the Jaws of those Devouring +Dragons of whom the said Holy Mother Church is sometimes forced (through +the perversity of Mankind) to make use." + +Finally, this same Belt contained a curious Contrivance, by means of a +piece of Vellum perforated in divers places, for deciphering the Letters +I might receive from his Eminence or his agents. On placing the Vellum +over the Letter sent, the words intended to meet the eyes of the +recipient, and none other, would appear through the incisions made; +while, the Vellum removed, the body of the Epistle would read like the +veriest Balderdash. This the French call a _chiffre a grille_, and 'tis +much used in their secret Diplomatic Affairs. The best of it is, that +when the two Parties who wish to correspond have once settled where the +incisions are to be, and have each gotten their _grille_, or Peephole +Vellum, no human being can, under ten thousand combinations of letters, +and years of toilsome labour, decipher what is meant to be expressed, or +Weed out the few Words of Meaning from the mass of surrounding Rubbish. + +I bade his Eminence farewell, having the honour to be admitted to his +_petit lever_, the felicity to kiss his hand and receive his +Benediction, and the distinction of being conducted down the Back Stairs +by his Maitre d'Hotel, and let out by a Side Door in the Garden-wall of +his Mansion. A close Chariot took me one morning in the Spring of '58 to +the Barriere de Lyon, and there I found a Chaise and Post-horses, and +was soon on my road to the South, with three hundred Louis in Gold in my +Valise, and a Letter of Credit for any sum under five hundred at a time, +I liked to draw, in my Waist-belt. I was Richer in Purse and more +bravely Dressed than ever I had been in my life, and travelled under the +name of the Chevalier Escarbotin; but I was a Spy, and in mine own eyes +I was the Meanest of the Mean. + +A happy Mercurial Temper and cheerful Flow of Spirits soon, however, +revived within me; and, ere Ten Leagues of my Journey were over, the +Chevalier Escarbotin became once more to himself Jack Dangerous. "I will +work the Mine of my Manhood," I cried out in the Chaise, "to the last +Vein of the Ore. _Vive la Joie!_" Yet in my innermost heart did I wish +myself once more with Captain Blokes as the daring Supercargo of the +dear old _Marquis_, or else a Peaceful Merchant at Amsterdam, giving +good advice to the Rogues and Sluts in the Rasphuys. O Mr. +Vandepeereboom, Mr. Vandepeereboom! + +Six days after my departure from Paris, I embarked from Marseille on +board a Tartane bound for Genoa. We had fine sailing for about three +days, till by contrary winds we were driven into San Remo, a pretty +Seaport belonging to the Genoese. This abounds so much with Oranges, +Lemons, and other Delicious Fruit, that it is called the Paradise of +Italy. So on to Genoa, where the Beggars live in Palaces cheek by jowl +with the Nobles, who are well-nigh as beggarly as they; and the Houses +are as lofty as any in Europe, and the Streets between them as dark and +narrow as Adam and Eve Court in the Strand. The Suburb called San Pietro +d'Arena very pretty, and full of commodious Villas. There are thirty +Parish Churches, and at San Lorenzo they show a large Dish made out of +One Emerald, which they say was given to King Solomon by the Queen of +Sheba. The Genoese are a cunning and industrious People, with a great +gusto for the Arts, but terrible Thieves. The Government a Republic, +headed by a Doge, that is chosen every two years from among the +Nobility, and must be a Genoese, at least Fifty years of age, and no +Byblow. He cannot so much as lie One Night out of the City, without +leave had from the Senate. When he is elected, they place a Crown of +Gold on his Head, and a Sceptre in his Hand. His Robes are of Crimson +Velvet, and he has the title of Serenity. + +Here I did business with several Persons of Consideration; the Senators +B--c--i and Delia G----, the rich Banker L----, and Monsignore the +Archprelate X----. So by Cortona, where there is a strong Castle on a +Hill, to Pavia, an old decaying City on the River Tessin, which is so +rapid that Bishop Burnet says he ran down the Stream thirty miles in +three hours by the help of one Rower only. This may be, or t'other way; +but I own to placing very little faith in the veracity of these +Cat-in-Pan Revolution Bishops. Here (at Pavy) is a Brass Statue of +Marcus Antoninus on Horseback; though the Pavians will have it to be +Charles the Fifth, and others declare it to be Constantine the Great. + +After two days here, waiting for Despatches from his Eminence, which +came at last in the False Bottom of a Jar of Narbonne Honey, and I +answering by a Billet discreetly buried in the recesses of a large +Bologna Sausage, I posted to Milan, through a fertile and delicious +country, which some call the Garden of Italy. A broad, clean place, with +spacious Streets; but the Wine and Maccaroni not half so good as at +Genoa. The Cathedral full of Relics, some of which run up as high as +Abraham. In the Ambrosian Library are a power of Books, and, what is +more curious, the Dried _Heads_ of several Learned Men--amongst others, +that of our Bishop Fisher, whom King Harry the Eighth put to death for +not acknowledging his Supremacy. About two miles from hence is a +Curiosity, in the shape of a Building, where, if you fire off a Pistol; +the Sound returns about Fifty times. 'Tis done, they told me, by two +Parallel Walls of a considerable length, which reverberate the Sound to +each other till the undulation is quite spent. The which, being so +informed, I was as wise concerning the Echo as I had been before. + +It was my Design to have proceeded from Milan either to Venice or to the +famous Capital City of Rome; but Instructions from his Eminence forced +me to retrace my steps, and at Genoa I embarked for Naples. This is a +very handsome place, but villanously Dirty, and governed in a most +Despotic Manner. Nearly all the Corn Country round about belongs to the +Jesuits, who make a pretty Penny by it. The taxes very high, and laid on +Wine, Meat, Oil, and other Necessaries of Life; indeed on every thing +eatable except Fruit and Fowls, which you may buy for a Song. All +Foreigners who have here purchased Estates are loaded with Extraordinary +Taxes and Impositions. The City is remarkable for its Silk Stockings, +Waistcoats, Breeches, and Caps; Soap, Perfume, and Snuff-boxes. They +cool their Wine with Snow, which they get out of pits dug in the +Mountain-sides. Near here, too, is a Burning Mountain they call Vesuvio. +It may be mighty curious, but 'tis as great a Nuisance and Perpetual +Alarm to the peaceable Inhabitants of Naples as a Powder Magazine. Very +often this Vesuvio gives itself up to hideous Bellowing, causing the +Windows, nay the very Houses, in Naples to Shake, and then it vomits +forth vast Quantities of melted Stuff, which streams down the +Mountain-sides like a pot boiling over. Sometimes it darkens the Sun +with Smoke, causing a kind of Eclipse; then a Pillar of Black Smoke will +start up to a prodigious Height in the air, and the next morning you +will find the Court and Terrace of your House, be it ten miles away, all +strewn with Fine Ashes from Vesuvio. + + + + +CHAPTER THE SEVENTH. + +I FALL INTO THE HANDS OF RECREANT PAYNIMS, AND AM SEDUCED TO A STATE OF +MISERABLE SLAVERY. + + +I THINK I should have been much better off, if, stopping at Naples, I +had fallen into the blazing Crater of Vesuvio, and have cast up again +into the air in the shape of Red-Hot Ashes. I think it would have been +better for me to be Bitten by the Tarantula Spider (which is about the +size of a small Nutmeg, and when it bites a person throws him into all +kinds of Tumblings, Anger, Fear, Weeping, Crazy Talk, and Wild Actions, +accompanied by a kind of Bedlam Gambado), than to have gone upon the +pretty Dance I was destined to Lead. However, there was no disobeying +the commands of his Eminence, who, in his Smooth Italian way, told me at +Paris that those of his Servants who did not attend to his Behests, +were much subject to dying Suddenly after Supper; and so, Willy-nilly, I +sped upon my Dark Errand. + +Business now took me to Venice. This is a very grand City, both for the +Magnificence of its Nobles and the Extent of its Commerce. The Doge is +only a Sumptuous kind of Puppet, the Real Government being vested in the +Seignory, or Council of Ten, that carry matters with a very High Hand, +but, on the whole, give Satisfaction both to the Quality and the Common. +Here are numbers of Priests of a very Free Life and Conversation, and +swarms of Monks that are notorious Evil-doers; for during the Carnival +(a very famous one here) they wear Masks, sing upon Stages, and fall +into many other Practices unbecoming their Profession. The Venetian Nuns +are the merriest in all Europe, and have a not much better Repute than +the Monks, many of them being the Daughters of the Nobility, who dispose +of 'em in this manner to save the Charges of keeping 'em at home. They +wear no Veils; have their Necks uncovered; and receive the Addresses of +Suitors at the Grates of their Parlours. The Patriarch did indeed at one +time essay to Reform the abuses that had crept into the Nunneries; but +the Ladies of San Giacomo, with whom he began, told him plainly that +they were Noble Venetians, and scorned his Regulations. Thereupon he +attempted to shut up their House, which so provoked 'em that they were +going to set Fire to it; but the Senate interposing, commanded the +Patriarch to desist, and these Merry Maidens had full liberty to resume +their Madcap Pranks. + +Here they make excellent fine Drinking-glasses and Mirrors; likewise +Gold and Silver Stuffs, Turpentine, Cream of Tartar, and other articles. +The Streets mostly with Water running thro' 'em, like unto Rotterdam, +all going to and fro done in Boats called Gondoles,--a dismal, +Hearse-looking kind of Wherry, with a prow like the head of a Bass-Viol, +and rowed, or rather shoved along with a Pole by a Mad, Ragged Fellow, +that bawls out verses from Tasso, one of their Poets, as he plies his +Oar. The great Sight at Venice, after the Grand Canal and St. Mark's +Place, is the Carnival, which begins on Twelfth Day, and holds all Lent. +The Diversion of the Venetians is now all for Masquerading. Under a +Disguise, they break through their Natural Gravity, and fall heartily +into all the Follies and Extravagances of these occasions. With Operas, +Plays, and Gaming-Houses, they seem to forget all Habits, Customs, and +Laws; lay aside all cares of Business, and swamp all Distinctions of +Rank. This practice of Masking gives rise to a variety of Love +Adventures, of which the less said the better; for the Venetian Bona +Robas, or Corteggiane, as they call 'em now, are a most Artful +Generation. The pursuit of Amours is often accompanied by Broils and +Bloodshed; and Fiery Temper is not confined to the Men, but often breaks +out in the Weaker Sex; an instance of which I saw one day in St. Mark's +Place, where two Fine Women, Masked, that were Rivals for the favour of +the same Gallant, happening to meet, and by some means knowing one +another, they fell out, went to Cuffs, tore off each other's Mask, and +at last drew Knives out of their pockets, with which they Fought so +seriously, that one of them was left for Dead upon the Spot. + +Another Frolic of the Carnival is Gaming, which is commonly in +Noblemen's Houses, where there are Tables for that purpose in ten or +twelve Rooms on a floor, and seldom without abundance of Company, who +are all Masked, and observe a profound Silence. Here one meets Ladies of +Pleasure cheek by jowl with Ladies of Quality, who, under the protection +of a convenient piece of Black Satin or Velvet, are allowed to enjoy the +entertainments of the Season; but are generally attended either by the +Husband or his Spies, who keep a watchful eye on their Behaviour. +Besides these Gaming-Rooms, there are others, where Sweetmeats, Wine, +Lemonade, and other Refreshments may be purchased, the Haughty Nobility +of Venice not disdaining to turn Tavern-keepers at this season of the +year. Here it is usual for Gentlemen to address the Ladies and employ +their wit and raillery; but they must take care to keep within the +bounds of Politeness, or they may draw upon themselves the Resentment of +the Husbands, who seldom put up with an Affront of this kind, though +perhaps only imaginary, without exacting a severe Satisfaction. For the +Common People there are Jugglers, Rope-dancers, Fortune-tellers, and +other Buffoons, who have stages in the Square of St. Mark, where, at all +times during the Carnival, 'tis almost impossible to pass along, owing +to the crowd of Masqueraders. Bull Baitings, Races of Gondoles, and +other Amusements, too tedious to enumerate, also take place. But among +the several Shows which attract the eyes of the Populace, I cannot +forbear describing one which is remarkable for its oddity, and perhaps +peculiar to the Venetians. A number of Men, by the help of Poles laid +across each other's Shoulders, build themselves up almost as children do +Cards--four or five Rows of 'em standing one above the other, and +lessening as they advance in height, till at last a little Boy forms +the Top, or Point, of the Structure. After they have stood in this +manner, to be gazed at, some time, the Boy leaps down into the arms of +people appointed to catch him at the Bottom; the rest follow his +example, and so the whole Pile falls to Pieces. + +The Nobility of Venice are remarkable for their Persons as well as for +their Polite Behaviour, and have a great deal of Gravity and Wisdom in +their Countenances. They wear a light Cap with a kind of black Fringe, +and a long black Gown of Paduan Cloth, as their Laws require; though the +English have found means to introduce their Manufactures among 'em. +Underneath these Gowns they have suits of Silk; and are extremely neat +as to their Shoes and Stockings. Their Perukes are long, full-bottomed, +and very well Powdered; and they usually carry their Caps in their +Hands. The Women very well shaped, though they endeavour to improve +their Complexions with Washes and Paint. These of Quality wear such +high-heeled Shoes, that they can scarce walk without having two people +to support them. In matters of Religion (though their worship is as +pompous as Gold and Jewels can make it) the Venetians are very Easy and +Unconcerned; and neither Pope nor Inquisition is thought much of in the +Dominions of the Seignory. For Music in their Churches they have a +perfect Passion. The City is well furnished with Necessaries; but the +want of Cellarage makes all the Wine sour. The Inhabitants are of a +Fresh Complexion, and not much troubled with Coughs; which is strange, +they having so much Water about 'em. They begin their day at Sunset, and +count one o'clock an hour after, and so on to twenty-four; which is +likewise a Custom, I believe, among the Chineses. + +They bury their Dead within the Four-and-Twenty Hours, and sometimes +sooner. The Funerals of Persons of Quality are performed with great Pomp +and Solemnity; and the deceased are carried to the Place of Interment +with their Faces bare. Whilst I was in Venice, their Patriarch (who is a +kind of Independent Pontiff in his own way; for, as I have said, they +reckon but little of his Holiness here) died, and was buried with this +Ceremony. He was carried in one of his own Coaches, by night, to St. +Mark's Church, which was all hung with Black for the occasion; and next +day the Corpse was laid on a Bed in the very middle of the Church, +dressed in the Sacerdotal Habit, with the Head towards the Choir, and +his Tiara, or Mitre, lying at the feet. At each corner of the bed stood +a _valet de chambre_, holding a Banner of Black Taffety, with the Arms +of the Deceased. A hundred large Wax Tapers were placed in Candlesticks +round the bed, and High Mass was sung; the Sopranos very beautiful. +After Mass was over, all retired; but the Body lay exposed till evening, +when it was stripped of its Vestments (for though a very Gorgeous +people, they are Economical in their ways), and put into a Leaden +Coffin, enclosed in another of Cypress, and was then let down into the +Grave. 'Tis not usual with the Relations to attend the Funeral, which +they look upon as a Barbarous Custom. But they wear Mourning longer and +more regularly than in many other countries. A woman in a Mourning Habit +appears Black from Head to Foot, not the least Bit of Linen being to be +seen. + +The nature of my Employment now brought me into intimate Commerce with +Monsieur B----, a French Merchant of Lyons, who treated me with +extraordinary Civility, and made great Offers of being of Assistance to +me in my Voyage to Constantinople, whither I was now Bound. This +Gentleman, by means of the French Ambassador at the Porte, had gotten a +Firman, or passport, to enable him to Travel to that City, and with a +proper number of Attendants, through any part of the Turkish Dominions. +As 'tis inconvenient and dangerous Voyaging though the territories of +the Great Turk without such a Protection, nothing could be more +Agreeable than the offer he made me of his Company, the more so as his +Eminence had enjoined me to keep a Strict Watch upon every thing that M. +B---- said or did. He had designed to reach Constantinople by Land +through Bosnia, Servia, Bulgaria, and Roumania; yet, in compliance with +my Inclination (I wish my Inclination had been at the Deuce), which was +all for a Sea Passage, he consented to embark on board a Vessel bound to +Candia and other Islands of the Archipelago, from which we were to +procure a Passage to the Capital of the Ottoman Empire. What made this +Gentleman's Society more acceptable, was his thorough Knowledge of the +Trade of the Levant, and the Genius and Temper of the People. Thus, he +informed me of the Method of Dealing with Jews, Armenians, and Greeks; +of the Eastern manner of travelling in Caravans, and the necessary +precautions against such Accidents as are mostly fatal to Strangers; and +instructed me in the Art of concealing Things of Value,--although I +think I too could have given him a lesson in that Device,--and avoiding +those Snares which Governors, Military Officers, and Petty Princes make +use of in order to plunder Travellers and Merchants. Under these +favourable Auspices, we embarked, in the Autumn of '37, on board a +Trading Vessel called the _San Marco_, bound for Candia, but first for +Malta, so famous for its Order of Knights. A fine Gale at North-West +carried us pleasantly down the Gulf of Venice, or Adriatic Sea; and on +the fifth day we came in sight of Otranto, a Town destroyed by the Turks +nigh Three Hundred years ago, since which time it has hardly regained +its Ancient Lustre, but at present well Fortified, and defended by a +High Castle, which I have heard the Honourable Mr. Walpole, a Fine, +Lardy-Dardy, Maccaroni Gentleman, that lives at a place called +Strawberry Hill, by Twitnam, in England, has written a silly Romantic +Tale about. So we got clear of the Gulf of Venice, and in three days +more, after making Cape Passaro in Sicily, entered the Haven of Malta. + +This is an Island that lies between Sicily and the Coast of Africa, and +is of an Egg-shaped figure, about twenty miles long and twelve broad. +The City of Malta is divided into three parts, which are properly so +many Rocks jutting out into the Sea, with large Harbours between them. +That called Valetta, in honour of the Grand Master who so gallantly +defended the place against the Turks, is extremely well Fortified, and +also defended by a Castle, held to be impregnable. The City contains +about Two Thousand Houses, well built with white Stone, and Flat-roofed, +surrounded by Rails and Balusters. On t'other side of the Harbour is +another City, formerly called Il Borgo, or the Borough, but now named +Citta Vittoriosa, alluding to the terrible Mauling the Turks got here in +1566. St. John's Church very handsome, and on one side of it a fine +Piazza, with a Fountain in the corner. Here are all the Tombs of the +Grand Masters, and a great many Flags taken from the Turks. The Right +Hand of St. John Baptist, wanting but Two Fingers, shown here for Money, +with many other Relics and Ornaments. The Grand Master lives in a +magnificent Palace; and close by is an Arsenal, with Arms for Thirty +Thousand Men. + +The Treasury is a very stately Edifice; but what gives the highest Idea +of the Charity of this illustrious Order is their noble Hospital, where +all the Sick are received and provided for with the utmost Care. The +Rooms are large and commodious, and in each of them there are but two +Patients. Their Diet is brought to them in rich Silver Plate by the +Knights themselves, who are obliged to this attendance by their +Constitutions; and such an exact Decorum is observed, and every thing +performed with such Magnificence, that it raises the astonishment of +Strangers. + +But if there be Charity and Benevolence for the Christian Sick, there is +little Mercy shown towards Infidels and Miscreants. The Prison for the +Slaves is an enormous Building, with a Colonnade running round it, and +capable of lodging three or four Thousand of those Unhappy People. There +are seldom less than Two Thousand in the House, except when the Galleys +of the Order are at Sea upon some Expedition. Then the poor Wretches are +Chained, Night and Day, to the Oar; but when on Shore they have only a +small Lock on their Ankles, like the slaves at Leghorn, and are +permitted to go to any part of the Island, from which they have seldom +an opportunity of making their Escape. + +The Knights of the Order of St. John of Jerusalem, commonly called +Knights of Malta, after removing from Jerusalem to Magrath, from thence +to Acre, and thence to Rhodes, were expelled from that Island by the +Sultan Solyman, having an Army of Three Hundred Thousand Men. The +Knights retired, first to Candia, and then to Sicily; but at last the +Emperor Charles the Fifth gave 'em the Island of Malta, which they hold +to this day. They formerly consisted of Eight Languages or Tongues, +according to their Different Nations, viz. those of Provence, Auvergne, +France, Italy, Arragon, Germany, Castile, and England; but this last one +has been extinct since our Harry the Eighth's time, and what English +Knights there be who are Papists are forced to find their Tongue where +they can. Each of the Languages has its Chiefs, who are also called +Pillars and Grand Crosses, being distinguished by a large White Cross +'broidered on their Breasts. The Seven Languages have their respective +Colleges and Halls in Malta, the Head of each House being called the +Grand Prior of his Nation; and to each belongs a certain number of his +Commanderies. The Knights, at their entrance into the Order, must prove +their Legitimacy, as well as Nobility, by four Descents, and are termed +Chevaliers by Right. Those who are raised to the rank of Nobles, for +some Valiant Exploit, are called Chevaliers by Favour. None are admitted +by the Statutes of the Order under the age of Sixteen; but some are +received from their very Infancy on paying a large Sum of Money, or by +Dispensation from the Pope. All the Knights oblige themselves to +Celibacy, which does not hinder their leading very Disorderly Lives; and +indeed Malta is full of Loose Cattle of all kinds. When they are +Professed, a Carpet is spread on the Ground, on which is set a Piece of +Bread, a Cup of Water, and a Naked Blade; and they are told, "This is +what Religion gives you. You must procure yourself the rest with your +Sword." The which they do, to a pretty considerable Tune, by spoiling of +the Turks. After they make their Vows, they wear a White Cross or Star, +with Eight Points, over their Cloaks or Coats, on the Left Side, which +is the proper Badge of their Order, the Golden Maltese Cross being only +an Ornament. The ordinary Habit of the Grand Master is a kind of +Cassock, open before, and tied about him with a Girdle, at which hangs a +Purse, alluding to the Charitable ends of their Order;--but 'tis not to +be denied that they have grown very Proud, and Live, many of 'em, in as +Shameful Luxury as the Prince Bishops of Germany. Over his Cassock the +Grand Master wears a Velvet Gown or Cloak when he goes to Church on +Solemn Festivals. He is addressed under the Title of Eminence by all the +Knights; but his Subjects of Malta, and the Neighbouring Islands, style +him Your Highness. As Sovereign, he coins Money, pardons Criminals, and +bestows the places of Grand Priors, Bailiffs, &c.; but in most cases of +importance is obliged to seek the advice of his Council, so that he is +not wholly Absolute. The Ecclesiastics proper of the Order--for the rest +are but Military Monks, that do a great deal more Fighting than Praying, +and savour much more of the Camp than of the Convent--are Chaplains, +Monastic Clerks, and Deacons. They likewise wear a White Cross, partake +of the Privileges of the Institution, and are great Rascals. + +'Tis well known that the Knights of Malta are destined to the Profession +of Arms for the Defence of the Christian Faith, and the Protection of +Pilgrims of all Nations. It is to be observed, that there are also +Female Hospitallers of the Order of St. John, sometimes called +Chevalieres, or She-Knights, of equal Antiquity with the Knights, whose +business it is to take care of the Women Pilgrims in a Hospital apart +from that of the Men. As the Order look upon the Turks as the Great +Enemies of Christianity, they think themselves obliged to be in a state +of perpetual Hostility with that people, and, for Centuries, have never +so much as signed the preliminaries of a Peace with 'em. They have +performed innumerable and astonishing exploits against their much-hated +Enemies, the Insolence of whose Rovers they continue to Restrain and +Chastise, except when the Rovers, as sometimes happens, get the better +of 'em. They have Seven Galleys belonging to the Order, each of which +carries Five Hundred Men, and as many Wretches in Fetters tugging away +at the Oar, for Dear Life. Every one of these Galleys mounts Sixteen +Pieces of Heavy Artillery; and besides these they fit out a great many +Private Ships, by license from the Grand Master, to cruise up and down +among the Turks, doing great Havoc, and thereby growing very Rich. Thus +it will be plain to the Reader that a Knight of Malta is a kind of +Medley of Seaman, Swashbuckler, and Saint--Admiral Benbow, Field-Marshal +Wade, and Friar Tuck all rolled up into one. + +I did become acquainted with one of these Holy Roystering Cavalieros, +by the name of Don Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, that was a +perfect Model of all these Characteristics. He Confessed with almost as +great regularity as he Sinned. The Chaplains must have held him as one +of the heartiest of Penitents; for he never came back from a Cruise +without a whole Sackful of Misdeeds, and straightway hied him to St. +John's Church, to fling his Sinful Ballast overboard and lighten ship. +How he swore! I never heard a man take the entrails of Alexander the +Great in vain before; but this was an ordinary expletive with Don +Ercolo. He belonged to the Italian Language, though I suspected he had a +dash of the Spanish in him; and many a Gay Bout over the choicest of +Wines have I had with him at his Inn, as their College-halls are +sometimes called. He could drink like a Fish, and fight like a Paladin. +He was a good Practical Sailor and Master of Navigation; Rode with ease +and dexterity; and was a Proficient in that most difficult trick of the +_Manege_, that of riding a horse _en Biais_, as the French term it, and +of which our Newcastle has learnedly treated; was an admirable Performer +on the Guitar and Viol di Gamba; Sung very sweetly; Fenced exquisitely; +must have been in his Youth (he was now about Sixty, and his Hair was +grizzled grey) as Beautiful as a Woman, as Graceful as my Sweet +Protectress Lilias, as Brave as the Cid, and as Cruel as Pedro of Spain. +As it is so long ago, and the Principal Parties in the Affair are all +Dead, I don't mind disclosing that my Instructions from his Eminence the +Cardinal were to Buy the Cavaliere di San Lorenzo at any Price. I told +him so plainly over a Flask of Right Alicant, at a little Feast I had +made for him in return for his many Hospitalities, and gave him to +understand that he had but to say the word, and Scroppa, the great +Goldsmith of Strada Reale, would be glad to cash his Draft for any Sum +under Fifty Thousand Ducats. For his Eminence wanted the Cavaliere to be +a Friend of France, and France at that time thought that she very much +wanted the Island of Malta. + +Don Ercolo was not in the least angry; only, he Laughed in my Face. + +"Chevalier Escarbotin," he said gaily, "you have mistaken your man. Tell +his Eminence the Cardinal de ---- that he may go and hang himself. I am +not to be bought. I am Rich to Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand ounces of +Gold, all got out of spoiling the Infidels. When I die, I shall leave +half to the Order, and half to the families of certain Poor Women +Creatures whom I have wronged, and who are Dead." + +I said, to appease him, that I was but Joking. + +"Ta, ta, ta!" retorts he. "I know your Trade well enough. I have been +too much among men not to be able to scent out a Spy. But you are a very +Jovial Fellow, Escarbotin; and I don't care what you are, so long as you +are not a Turk, which, by the way, I don't think you would mind +turning." + +"O, Signore Cavaliere!"--I began to expostulate. + +"What does it matter?" quoth Don Ercolo. "Does it matter anything at +all? Perhaps some of these days, when I am tired of the Eight Points, I +shall take the Turban myself." + +"A Renegado!" I cried. + +"Many a brave Gentleman has turned Renegado ere this," answered he. +"Next to the pleasure of Fighting the Turks, I should esteem the +condition of being a Turk myself, and fighting against the Order of +Malta. But I forgot. You are a Lutheran; although how you came to be a +Protestant, with that name of Escarbotin, I can't make out." + +I murmured something about belonging to the Reformed Church at Geneva; +although I forgot that they were mostly Calvinists there, not Lutherans. +But of this Don Ercolo took little notice, and went on. + +"When you write to the Cardinal, tell him that Ercolo Amadeo Sparafucile +di San Lorenzo is not to be purchased. The sly old Fox! He knows I have +great influence with my Uncle the Grand Master. Tell him that I am very +much obliged to him for his Offer, and thank him for old Acquaintance' +sake. Nay; I believe I am some kind of Kinsman of his Eminence, on the +Mother's side. But assure him that I am not in the least Angry with him. +If I were Poor, I should probably accept his Offer; but none of the Poor +Knights of our Order are worth Buying. It matters little to me whether +France, or Spain, or even Heretic England gets hold of this scorching +Rock, with its Swarms of Hussies and Rascals; only I prefer amusing +myself, and fighting the Turks, to meddling in Politics, and running the +risk of a life-long dungeon in the Castle of St. Elmo." + +There was a long Silence after this, and he seemed plunged in profound +Meditation. Suddenly he fills a Cup with Wine, drains it, and, in his +old careless manner, says to me, + +"Tell him this--be sure to tell him, lest he should be at the trouble of +sending Emissaries to Poison me--I have the best Antidote of any in the +Levant, and shall take three drops of it after every Bite and Sup for +Six Months to come. Not that I dread you. All Spy as you are, you still +look like an Honest Fellow. _You_ would not poison an old Friend, would +you, Little JACK DANGEROUS?" + +I started to my feet, and stared at the grizzled, handsome Knight in +blank amazement. We had been conversing in the French tongue; but the +latter part of his Speech he had uttered in mine own English, and with a +faultless accent. Moreover, where before had I heard that Voice, had I +seen that Face? My Memory rolled back over the hills and valleys of +years; but the Mountains were too high, and the Recesses behind them +inaccessible without Mental Climbing, for which I was not prepared. + +"Little Jack Dangerous," continued the grizzled Knight, "where have you +been these Seven-and-thirty Years? When I knew you first, you were but a +poor little Runaway Schoolboy, and I was a Tearing Fellow in the Flush +and Pride of my hot Youth." + +"A Runaway Schoolboy!" I stammered. + +"Ay! had you not fled from the Tyranny of one Gnawbit?" + +"I remember Gnawbit well," I answered, with a shudder. + +"Do you remember Charlwood Chase, and the Blacks that were wont to kill +Venison there?" + +"I do." + +"And Mother Drum, and Cicely, and Jowler, and the Night Attack, and how +near you were being hanged? Do you remember Captain Night?" + +A Light broke in upon me. I recognised my earliest Protector. I seized +his Hand. I was fairly blubbering, and would have rushed into his Arms; +but there was something Cold and Haughty in his Manner that repulsed me. + +"'Tis well," he said. "I am a Knight of the most Illustrious Order of +St. John of Jerusalem, and an Italian Cavalier of Degree. You----" + +"I am a Spy," I cried out half-sobbing. "What was I to do? My Malignant +Fate hath ever been against me. I am despicable in your Eyes, but not +so despicable as I am in mine own." + +"There, there," he cries out, very placably. "There's no great harm +done, and there's much of a muchness between us. When you first came +across me, was I not stealing the King's Deer in Charlwood Chase, +besides being in trouble--I don't mind owning to you now--on account of +King James? 'Twixt you, Jack Dangerous, Flibustier, Saltabadil, and Spy, +and Captain Night, now called Don Ercolo et cetera, et cetera di San +Lorenzo, and a Knight of Malta, there is not much, perhaps, to choose. +The World hath its strange Ups and Downs, and we must e'en make the best +of them. Sit you down, Jack Dangerous, and we will have t'other Flask." + +We had t'other Flask, and very good Wine it was; and for the rest of the +time I remained in Malta, Don Ercolo continued to be my Fast Friend, +even as he had been in my Youth. And yet 'twas mainly through his +Instrumentality that I quitted the Island; for he sent his Page to me +with a Letter, written in our own dear English Tongue, in the which he +instantly desired me, as I valued my Life and the Interests of my +Employers, to put the Broad Seas between myself and the Grand Master; +for that an Inkling of my Errand had got wind, and that the Party +unfavourable to France being then uppermost, I ran immediate risk of +being cast into a Dungeon, if not Hanged. For this Reason, said Don +Ercolo, he must forbear any further Commerce with me (not wishing to +draw Suspicion on himself, for the Knights are very jealous in Political +Affairs); but he assured me of his continued Friendship, and desired if +I stood in Need of any Funds for my Journey, to inform the Page, that he +might furnish me secretly with what Gold I needed. But I wanted nothing +in this way, having ample Credits; so making up my Valises with all +convenient Speed, the Chevalier Escarbotin bade adieu to Malta. + +I took a passage in a Speronare that was bound to Candia, where I hoped +to find some Trading Vessel of heavier Burden to take me to +Constantinople. The Mediterranean Sea here very beautiful, and +delightful to see the Dolphins, Tunnies, and other Fish, that frequently +leapt out of the Water, and followed our Ship in great Numbers. Also a +Waterspout, which is a Phenomenon very well known to Seamen in the +Levant Trade, and reckoned very dangerous. It looked mighty Fierce and +Terrific; and our Sailors, to conjure it away, had recourse to the +Superstitious Devices of cutting the air with a Black-Handled Knife, and +reading the First Chapter of St. John's Gospel, accounted of great +Efficacy in dispersing these Spouts. + +Woe is me! After Six Days' most pleasant Sailing, and after doubling +Cape Spada, and in very sight of Canea (which is the Port of Candia), a +strange Sail hove in Sight, gave Chase, came up to us an hour before +sundown, and without as much as, By your leave, or With your leave, +opened Fire upon us. A Couple of Swingeers from her Double-shotted Guns +were a Bellyful for our poor little Speronare, in which there were but +Ten Men and a Boy, Passengers included; and we were fain to submit. Oh, +the intolerable Shame and Disgrace! that Jack Dangerous, who had been +All Round the World with that Renowned Commander, Captain Blokes, and +had Chased, Taken, and Plundered many a good tall ship belonging to the +Spaniards,--ay, and had landed on their Main, Spoiled their Cities and +Settlements, Toasted their fine Ladies, and held their Chief Governors +to Ransom,--should be laid in the Bilboes by a Rascally African Pirate +Vessel mounting Nine Guns, and belonging to the most Heathenish, +Knavish, and Bloodthirsty Town of Algiers. My Gall works now to think of +it; but Force was against us, and the Disaster was not to be helped. I +was in such a Mad Rage as to be near Braining the Captain of the +Speronare with a Marline-Spike, and would have assuredly blown out the +Brains of the first Moor that boarded us, had not the Italian Captain +and his Mate seized each one of my arms, and by Main Force wrested my +Weapons from me. And in this (though hotly enraged with 'em at first, +and calling them all kinds of Abusive Epithets) I think they acted less +like Traitors than like Persons of Sense and Discretion; for what were +we Ten (and the Boy) against full Fifty powerful Devils, all armed to +the Teeth, and who would assuredly have cut all our Throats had we shown +the least Resistance? + +So they had their Will of us, and we were all made Prisoners, +preparatory to undergoing the worse Fate of Slaves. Vain now, indeed, +were all his Eminence's Secret Precautions about the Concealment of +Missives; for these Rascal Moors made no more ado, but stripped us of +every Rag of Clothing, ripping up the Seams thereof, and examining our +very Hair, in quest of Gold and Jewels. The Boatswain, however, that was +appointed to search me, after taking from me all my Stock of Money, +which was Considerable, returned to me the famous Bit of Parchment +between the Glasses, which was to bear me Harmless against the Claws of +Holy Mother Church if she happened to turn Tiger-Cat; for these +Mahometans have a profound respect for Charms and Amulets, and very +like he took this for one, which could be no good to him, an Infidel, +but might serve a Frank at a pinch. There was another Article, too, +which he restored to me, after Examination, and of which I have hitherto +made no mention. What was this but a little Portrait of my Beloved +Protectress, which I carried with me next my Heart? Not that I had ever +ventured to be so bold as to Ask her for such a pledge, or that she had +been complaisant enough to give it me; but while I was in Paris there +had been limned by the great French Painter, Monsieur Boucher, a Picture +of one of the Opera Ballets, not Orpheus's Story, but something out of +Homer's Poetry,--_Ulysse chez Alcinous_, I think 'twas called,--and this +Picture contained very Life-like Effigies of all the Dancers that stood +in the front rank, of whom my sweet Mistress Lilias was one. From this +an Engraving in the Line Manner was made, which was put forth by the +Print-sellers just before I left Paris; and I declare I gave a Louis +d'Or, and Ten Livres, Twelve Sols, for a Copy, and cutting out the +Pictured Head of my Protectress with a sharp Penknife, had it pasted +down and framed in a Golden Locket. When the Boatswain saw this, he +Grinned, till the Turban round his tawny Head might have been taken for +a Horse-collar. He wrenched the Portrait out of its Frame, and put the +Gold among the heap of Plunder that was gathered, for after division, on +the Deck, and was then about to throw the dear Bit of Paper into the +Sea,--for these Moors think it Sinful to portray the Human Countenance +in any way,--but I besought him so Earnestly, both by Signs and +supplicatory Gestures, and even, I believe, Tears, to restore it to me, +that he desisted; and putting his Finger to his Lips, as a Hint that I +was not to reveal his Clemency to his Commander, gave me back my +precious Portrait. He would have, however, the fine Chain I wore round +my Neck; so I was fain to make an Opening between the two Sheets of +Glass that covered my Amulet, and push in the Portrait, face downwards; +and the two together I hung to a bit of slender Lanyard. But all my +brave Clothes were taken from me, and in an Hour after my Capture I was +Bare-footed, and with no other Apparel than a Ragged Shirt and a Pair of +Drawers of Canvas. To this Accoutrement was speedily added about +Twenty-one Pounds of Fetters on the Wrists and Ankles; and then I, and +the Captain, and the Mate, and the Men, and the Boy, were put into a +Boat and taken on board the Algerine, where we were flung into the Hold, +and had nothing better to eat for many days than Mouldy Biscuit and +Bilge-Water. The Cargo of the Speronare was mostly Crockery-ware and +Household Stuff, for the use of the Candiotes; and the Moors would not +be at the trouble of Removing, so they Scuttled her, and bore away to +the Norrard. + +_Item._--I swallowed my Despatches; but the Moors got hold of my Letters +of Credit and my Cipher. + + + + +CHAPTER THE EIGHTH. + +AFTER MANY SURPRISING VICISSITUDES, J. DANGEROUS BECOMES BESTUSCHID +BASHAW. + + +SO we were all taken into Algiers. 'Tis called "The Warlike" by that +proud People, the Turks; but with much more Reason, I think, should it +be named "The Thievish." Out upon the Robbers' Den! This most abominable +Place, which has, during so many Ages, braved the Resentment of the most +powerful Princes of Christendom, is said to contain above 100,000 +Mahometans,--among them not above Thirty Renegadoes,--15,000 Jews, and +4000 Christian Slaves. 'Tis full of Mosques and other Heathenish places +of Worship, and is strongly Fortified, both towards the Sea and the +Land. The Ship that took us was a Brigantine; and they have nigh a +Hundred of 'em (besides Rowboats), mounting from Ten to Fifty Guns, with +which they ravage the Trade of Europe. There is little within the City +that is Curious, save the Dogs, which are very abundant, and very Fierce +and Nasty. The Street Bab-Azoun is full of Shops, and Jews dealing in +Gems and Goldsmiths' Work. The Hills and Valleys round the City are +every where beautified with Gardens and Country Seats, whither the +Wealthy Turks retire during the Heats of Summer. Some of the Wild +Bedoween Tribes up the country go Bare-headed, binding their Temples +only with a Fillet to prevent their hair growing troublesome. But the +Moors and Turks in Algiers wear on the Crowns of their Heads a small Cap +of Scarlet Woollen Cloth, that is made at Fez. The Turban is folded +round the bottom of these Caps, and by the fashion of the folds you can +tell the Soldiers from the Citizens. The Arabs wear a loose Garment +called a Hyke, which serves them as a complete Dress by Day, and a Bed +and Coverlet by Night. 'Tis observable that when the Moorish Women +appear in Public, they constantly fold themselves so close up in their +Hykes that very little of their Faces can be seen; but in the Summer +Months, when they retire to their Country Seats, they walk about with +less Caution and Reserve, and, at the approach of a Stranger, only let +fall their Veils. + +What became of the Master and Crew of the Speronare I know not. They +were but Weakly Creatures; and I conjecture were sold off into private +Hands and sent up the country. Now, although I was past the Middle Age, +and indeed drifting into years, I was still of Unbowed Stature and great +Strength, and a Personable Fellow, hardened in the furnace of Danger and +Adventure. This led to my being reserved from the public Slave-Market +for the Dey of Algiers' own use. Woe is me, again! The Distinction +profited me little, for it merely amounted to my being made Stroke-oar +of the third row of the Dey's State-barge, or Galleasse. Imagine me now, +in a Tunic and Drawers of Scarlet Serge, and a White Turban round my +Head to keep me from Sun-stroke, chained by the Ankles to a bench, and +with an Iron Collar round my Neck, from which another Chain passed to a +Bar running fore and aft the whole length of the Galleasse. Between the +benches of Rowers runs a narrow Planking; and up and down this +continually patrols a great Tawny Ruffian of a Moorish Boatswain, armed +with a Whip of Rhinoceros Hide, which, with a Will, he lays on to the +Shoulders of those who do not tug hard enough at the Oar. Miserable and +fallen as was my state, I did yet manage to evade the crowning +Degradation of Stripes; for, being a Man used to the Sea, and full of +Courageous Activity, I got through my toil so as to make it impossible +for my Superiors to find fault with me; and besides, in a few words of +Lingua Franca that I picked up, I gave the Boatswain to understand that +if he ever hit me with his Rhinoceros Thong, I should take the earliest +opportunity of Strangling him. As for our Food, 'twas mainly Beans, and +in the morning a Mess of boiled Maize they call Couscoussou, with some +villanous Rank Butter, melted, poured over it. And sometimes the Carcass +of a Sheep that had died of Disease was given to us. But whatever we had +was eaten on our benches, and the Cook of the Galleasse passed up and +down the planking to serve out the Rations. We Ate on our benches, we +Slept on our benches, and some of us died on our benches. There were +Ninety-two Christian Slaves on board the Dey's Galleasse, and Twelve on +my Bench. Being Stroke-oar, I was spared the continual contemplation of +a Man's back in front of me, which other Slaves have told me makes you +so mad that you want to Bite him; but 'twas scarcely less Vexatious to +have behind, as I had, a Chattering Fellow of a Frenchman, for ever +jabbering forth his complaints, and not bearing them with the surly +Dignity of a Briton. I could almost _hear_ this fellow grimace; and he +was never tired of bemoaning his bygone happy state as a Hairdresser's +Journeyman in the Rue St. Honore at Paris. "Why did a Vain Ambition +prompt me to journey from Marseilles to Constantinople?" cried he about +Fifty times a day. "Why did I rely on the protection of my Wife's +Cousin, who gave me recommendations to his brother, Cook-in-Chief to the +Ambassador of France at the court of the Antique Byzantium (_l'antique +Byzance_)? Where is my Wife? Where is my Wife's Cousin? They are +drinking the wine of Ramponneau; they are dancing at the Barriers. Oh, +my Cocotte! where is my Cocotte?" + +"Hang your Cocotte!" I used to cry out in a rage. "'Tis bad enough to be +mewed up here like a Bear in a pit, without being worried by a +counfounded Barber's Clerk!" + +I had been Tugging at the Oar full Six Months, when a change came over +my lamentable Lot. The Dey of Algiers was at this time one Mahomet +Bassa, a very Bold, Fierce, Fighting Man, but of the meanest Extraction, +and one, indeed, that had been no more than a common Soldier, from which +he had sprung to be, by turns, Oda-Bashee or Lieutenant, Bullock-Bashee +or Captain, Tiah-Bashee or Colonel, and Aga or General. For among these +strange people every valiant and aspiring Soldier,--I wish 'twas so in +England,--though taken yesterday from the Plough, may be considered as +Heir-Apparent to the Throne. Nor are they ashamed of the obscurity of +their birth. This Mahomet Bassa, in a dispute he once had with the +Spanish Consul, said: "My mother sold Sheep's Trotters, and my father +Neat's Tongues; but they would have been ashamed to expose for sale on +their stalls a Tongue so worthless as thine." Mahomet Bassa was, like +most of the Turks, a man of Pleasure, and his Harem was furnished with +an extraordinary number of choice Beauties. + +His Highness (as he is called), happening to single me out from the rest +of the Slaves on board of the Galleasse, and being told that I was +English--for equally in hopes of Bettering my Condition, and for the +purpose of keeping Secret my Employment with his Eminence, I had avowed +myself to be of that Nation--ordered me to be released from my Chains, +and brought before him at the Divan. Through his Interpreter, a cunning +Rogue from Corfu, who spoke most Languages indifferently well, he asked +me who I was, and how I came to be aboard the Speronare. I answered, +conveniently mixing fact with fiction, that I had been a Captain by Sea +and Land in the Service of the King of England; that I had earned a good +deal of Prize-Money; had retired from Active Duties, being now nigh upon +Fifty years of Age, and was taking my pleasure by voyaging in a part of +Europe with which I had hitherto been little acquainted. This Answer +seemed to satisfy him pretty well; although he was very curious to know +whether I had any Kindred in the Island of Malta, or any foregathering +among the Knights. Fortunately for me the Interpreter, to whom I had +given a hint of ultimate Reward, deposed that I could not speak twenty +words of Maltese (which is a kind of Bastard Italian); and he told me +that if it had been discovered that I was in any way Connected with the +Order, I should surely have been Impaled; the Dey being then in a +towering rage with the Knights, one of whose commanders had just +captured one of his finest Brigantines, and Dressed Ship, as he +humorously put it, by hanging every Man-Jack of the Crew at the +Yard-arm, and the Algerine Captain at the Mizen. The Dey then asked me +if I had any Friends who I thought would pay my Ransom, the which he +placed at the Moderate Computation of Four Thousand Gold Achmedies +(about Fifteen Hundred Pounds sterling). I answered, that I thought I +could raise about half that Sum, if I were allowed to communicate with +one Monsieur Foscue, a Banker at Marseilles, upon whom I had--or rather +my Captors had--a Letter of Credit, which they had taken from me. But by +Ill-luck this Letter of Credit could not be found. The Captain and Crew +of the Rover that took the Speronare were all well bastinadoed about it, +but no Letter was forthcoming; and I am more inclined to think that it +was thrown, in sheer Ignorance, overboard, than that it was Embezzled. +However, as 'twas not to be discovered, the Dey began to look upon me +as an Impostor; but I earnestly represented to the Interpreter that, if +I had time to write to Monsieur Foscue, all would be right. This I had +his Highness's gracious permission to do, and meanwhile was to remain a +Slave; but was not sent back to the Galleys. Being a Strong Fellow, and +professing to know something about Gardening--Lord help me! I had never +touched a Spade ten times in my Life--I was sent to work in his +Highness's Gardens at the Castle of Sitteet-ako-Leet. As for my Letter, +I penned it in as good French as I could muster, begging Monsieur Foscue +to communicate at once with his Eminence, telling him how I had been +captured, and that my Letter of Credit had been taken from me, and of +the Sorry Plight I was now in. I was given to understand that from Six +to Nine Months must pass by before I could expect an Answer; for that +Safe Conducts to Christian Packets between Algiers and Marseilles were +only granted thrice a year, and the last was but just departed. +Whereupon I resigned myself to my Captivity, hoping for Better Days. + +The Head Gardener of the Dey was an old Renegado German, named Baupwitz, +who tried hard to convert me to the Mussulman Faith. But in addition to +my stanch Attachment to the Protestant Religion, I could see that the +State and Condition of the few Renegados in Algiers was very mean and +miserable, and that they were despised alike by Turks, Moors, Arabs, +Bedoweens, and Jews. And, indeed, what good had Baupwitz done himself by +turning Paynim? Thus much I put to him plainly; at which the Old Man was +angered, and for some days used me very spitefully; when the Dey, coming +to the Castle, took it into his head to have me brought back to Algiers, +and enrolled among his Musicians as a Player upon the Cymbals. I declare +that although able to troll out a Stave now and then, I could not so +much as Whistle "God save the King;" but I managed to clash my two +Saucepan-Lids or Cymbals together and to make a Noise, which is all the +Turks care for, they having no proper Ear for Music. As one of his +Highness's Musicians, I was dressed very grandly, with a monstrous +Turban all covered with Gold Spangles and Silk Tassels; but I had a +Collar of Silver riveted round my Neck, and Silver Shackles round my +Ancles, and Silver Manacles round my Wrists; and was still a Slave. + +The rest of the Musicians were either Black Negroes or Cophtic +Christians, and they used me with Decent Civility; nor did the Master of +the Musicians--otherwise a most cruel Moor--go out of his way to flout, +much less smite me with his Rattan. If he had dared but to lay one +Stripe upon me, I would have sprang upon the Wretch and dashed out his +Brains with my Cymbals, even if I had been put upon the Pale for it half +an hour afterwards. + +Lodged in the Guard-house at the Dey's Palace, with pretty abundant +Rations, and some few Piastres daily to buy Wine (I being a Frank) and +Tobacco, and pretty well treated by the Colologlies, or Moorish +Soldiers, I did not pass such a very bad time of it; and when off Duty, +had liberty to go about the City and Suburbs pretty much as I chose. And +I was a hundred times better off than the Moslem Slaves are at Malta. + +These Algerines are an Uncouth, Savage People; and the Turkish Despotism +has quite destroyed that security and Liberty which of old gave birth +and encouragement to Learning: hence the knowledge of Medicine, +Philosophy, and the Mathematics, which once so flourished among the +Arabs, is now almost entirely lost. The Children of the Moors and Turks +are sent to School at about Six years old, where they are taught to Read +and Write for the value of about a Penny a week of our Money. Instead of +Paper or a Slate, each boy has a piece of thin square Board, slightly +daubed over with Whiting; on this he makes his Letters, which may be +wiped off or renewed at pleasure. Having made some progress in the +Koran, he is initiated into the Ceremonies and Mysteries of the +Mahometan Religion; and when he has distinguished himself in any of +these branches of Learning, he is Richly Dressed, mounted on a Horse +finely Caparisoned, and paraded, amidst the Huzzas of his +School-fellows, through the Streets; while his Friends and Relations +assemble to congratulate his Parents, and load him with Toys and +Sweetmeats. And this Observance answers to our Western Rite of +Confirmation. But after being three or four years at School, the Boys +are put 'Prentice to Trades or enrolled in the Army, where they very +speedily forget all they have learnt. + +Though such bold Sailors, the Algerines are very despicable as +Navigators. Their chief Astronomer, Muley Hamet Ben Daoud, when I was +there, who superintended and regulated the Hours of Prayer by the Moon +and Stars, had not the skill to make a Sundial; and in Navigation they +cannot get beyond Pricking of a Chart, and distinguishing the Eight +principal Points of the Compass. Even Chemistry, which was once the +favourite Science of these people, is at present only applied to the +Distilling of a little Rose-water. The Physicians chiefly study the +Spanish Translation of Dioscorides (that was a Learned Leech in Olden +Times); but the Figures of the Plants and Animals are more consulted +than the Descriptions: yet are these Knaves naturally Subtle and +Ingenious; wanting nothing but Application and Patronage to cultivate +and improve their Faculties. They are for the most part Predestinarians, +and pay little regard to Physic, either leaving the Disorder to contend +with Nature, or making use of Charms and Incantations. They, however, +resort to the Hammam, or Hot Bagnio (a great Sweating-bath, and a +sovereign Remedy for most Distempers), and have a few Specifics in +general use. Thus, in Pleurisy and the Rheumatics they make several +Punctures on the part affected with a Red-hot Needle; and into simple +Gun-shot Wounds they pour Fresh Butter almost boiling hot. The Prickly +Pear roasted in Ashes is applied to Bruises, Swellings, and +Inflammations; and a dram or two of the Round Birthwort is esteemed the +best remedy in the world for the Choler. But few Compound Medicines; +only, for that dreadful scourge the Plague (from which Lord deliver all +Men not being Heathens!), they commonly use a Mixture of Myrrh, Saffron, +Aloes, and Syrup of Myrtle-berries,--which does not hinder 'em from +dying like Sheep with the Rot. + +There are no Public Clocks here; those contrivances, with Bells, being +held an Impious Aping of Providence. And the only way you have of +telling the Time is by the Fellows up in the Minarets calling 'em to +Prayers. Some of the rich Agas have Watches, bought or stolen out of +Europe; but they are usually spoilt by the Women of the Harem playing +with 'em. The Dey's principal Wife, Zoraide Khanum, is said to have +boiled a large Gold Chronometer, made by Silvain of Paris, with Cream +and Sweet Almonds. Yet does a remnant of their Ancestors' old skill in +Arithmetic and Algebra linger among 'em; for whereas not One in Twenty +Thousand can do an Equation (and Captain Blokes taught me, and I have +since forgotten How), yet the Merchants are frequently very dexterous in +Reckoning by Memory, and have also a singular method of Numeration, by +putting their hands into each other's Sleeves, and touching one another +with this or that Finger, or a particular joint, each standing for a +determined Sum or Number. Thus, without ere moving their lips,--and your +Mussulman has a wholesome horror of squandering Words,--they conclude +Bargains of the Greatest Value. + +None of the Women think themselves completely Adorned till they have +tinged the Lashes and the edges of their Eyelids with the powder of +Lead-Ore. This they do by dipping a Bodkin of the thickness of a Quill +into the Powder, and dragging it under the Eyelids. This gives their +Eyes a Sooty colour, but is thought to add a Wonderful Grace to their +Complexions. And was not this that which Jezebel did in the Ancient +Time?[C] The Old Custom of plighting their Troth by drinking out of +each other's Hand is the only Ceremony used by the Algerines at their +Marriages. The Bridegroom may put away his Wife whenever he pleases, +upon the forfeiture of the Dowry he has settled upon her; but he cannot +afterwards take her again until she has been Re-married and Divorced +from another Man. After all, the Wives are only held as a better class +of Servants, that when their Toil is over become Toys. The greater part +of the Moorish Women would be esteemed Beauties even in England, and as +Children they have the finest Complexions in the World; but at Thirty +they become Wrinkled Old Women. For a Girl is often a Mother at Eleven, +and a Grandmother at Twenty-two; and their Lives being generally as long +as Europeans, these Matrons often live to see Children of many +Generations. They are desperately Superstitious, and hang the Figure of +an Open Hand round the Necks of their Children; and never an Algerine +Pirate goes out of Port without such a Hand painted on the Stern, as a +counter Charm to an Evil Eye. Truly there are some Christian Folks not +much less foolish in their Superstitions; and Rich and Poor among the +Neapolitans carry a forked bit of Coral about with them, to conjure away +this same Evil Eye, which they call _Gettatura_. + +They have a kind of Monks called Marabutts, who are supposed to lead an +Austere Life, and pass their lives in counting a Chaplet of Ninety-nine +Beads; but who are, in truth, Impudent Beggars, Thieves, and +Profligates. And this is pretty well the Character of the whole body of +Algerines, from the Dey in his Palace to his Father who sells Sheep's +Trotters. There are a few Grave People, in no constant Employ (that it +is to say, they have made their fortunes by Murder and Piracy, and are +now Retired), who spend the day, either in conversing with one another +at the Barber's Shops, or at the Bazaars and Coffee-houses. But the +greater part of the Moorish and Turkish Youth are the wildest of +Gallants and Roysterers, and waste their time in the most unseemly +Fandangoes. + +_Item._--These Marabutts are no better than the Mountebanks I have seen +at the Carnival of Venice or at Southwark Fair. One Seedy Mustapha tells +me that a neighbouring Marabutt had a solid Iron Bar, which, upon +command, would give the same Report and do as much Mischief as a Piece +of Cannon. At Seteef, too, there was one famous for Vomiting Fire; but +the Renegado Baupwitz, who had seen him, assured me 'twas all a trick; +that his Mouth did certainly seem to be all in a Blaze, while he +counterfeited Violent Agony; but that on close inspection it appeared +that the Flames and Smoke with which he was surrounded arose from Tow +and Sulphur, which he had contrived to kindle under his Hyke. The most +commendable thing I can find in the Algerine Character is the great +respect they pay to their Dead. They don't cram 'em into stifling little +Graveyards in the midst of crowded towns, as we do, to our injury and +shame; but have large Burial-grounds, at a good distance from their +towns and villages. Each Family has a particular Part, walled in like a +garden, where the Bones of their Ancestors have remained undisturbed for +many generations. The Graves are all distinct and separate, and the +space between as planted with Beautiful Flowers, bordered round with +Stone, or paved over with Tiles. The Graves of the Great People are +likewise distinguished by Square Rooms with Cupolas built over them, +which, being kept constantly clean, whitewashed, and beautified, +nevertheless continue like the hypocrites, and are but Sepulchres full +within of nothing but Dead Men's Bones. + +It happened one fine Autumnal Afternoon, that, my Services as +Cymbal-Player not being required until the Dey's Supper after Evening +Prayers, I was wandering for mere Amusement in some of the +least-frequented Streets of the City; which are here, for the sake of +Shade, mere narrow Lanes, without any Pavement but Dust, and without a +Door or Window from twenty yards to twenty yards. In fact they are but +Passages between almost dead walls; the Houses themselves generally +standing in the midst of the Gardens. Now I quitted the Street of +Baba-zoun by the Street of the Shroffs, or Money-changers, designing to +reach the Gate of the River; but the Streets are all so much alike that +I lost my Way, and went blundering on from one Lane into another, till I +almost despaired of finding my Road back again. I should be too late for +the Dey's Supper, thought I; and although Jack Dangerous was never given +to Trembling, I began to feel very uncomfortable concerning the Notice +that Mahomet Bassa, who was never known to have Pity on any Human Being, +Man, Woman, or Child, might take of my Absence. For these accursed +Algerines are most cruel in their Punishments. Trials are very swift, +and Sentence is always executed within half an hour afterwards. Small +Offences are punished with the Bastinado, or the Rhinoceros Whip. For +Clipping or Debasing the Public Coin the old Egyptian punishment of +cutting off the Hands is inflicted, although the Dey, in one of his +Furies, has been known to have the Base Money melted and poured down the +Coiner's Throat. If a Jew or a Christian is guilty of Murder, he is +Burnt alive without the gates of the City; but for the same Crime the +Moors and Arabs are either Impaled, hung up by the Neck over the +Battlements of the City, or thrown upon Hooks fixed upon the Walls, +below, where they sometimes hang in Dreadful Torments for Thirty and +Forty hours together before they Expire. The Turks, however, out of +respect for their Characters, are sent to the Aga's house, where they +are either Bastinadoed or Strangled; and when the Women offend, they are +not exposed to the populace, but are sent to a private House of +Correction; or, if the Crime be Capital, they are sewn up in a Sack, +carried out to Sea, and Drowned. And for especial Criminals is reserved +the Extraordinary Barbarous punishment of Sawing Asunder; for which +purpose they prepare two Boards, of the same length and breadth as the +Unfortunate Person, and, having tied him betwixt them, begin sawing at +the Head, and so proceed till he is divided into Halves. 'Tis said that +Kardinash, a person who was not long since Ambassador at the Court of +England, suffered in this wise merely for maintaining, in the face of +the Dey, that the King of Great Britain had only One Wife. + +All these Grim Probabilities did I revolve in my mind, as the Sun went +on sinking, and I could meet nothing but a few Rapscallion Boys that, +when I strove to stammer out a few words of Arabic to ask my Way, +laughed and jeered in their Impudent manner, and flung handfuls of Dust +at me. Just as I was losing all Patience, and determined to Knock at the +first door I came to, and make my state known at all hazards, there came +upon me at the corner of a street the Figure of a Woman, Muffled up, as +'tis their fashion, in her Hyke and Burnouse, so that I could only see +her Eyes, which were smeared over with the usual Black Stuff, but which +seemed to have somewhat of a Yellowish Cast. I started, as if she were a +Ghost just risen from the ground; but indeed she had only just stepped +out from a little Garden-door, that now stood Ajar. From the folds of +her White Burnouse now came out a plump Hand, very Glossy, but very +Black. She first laid her Finger on that part of her Hyke where her +Mouth might be, to command me to silence; then touched me on the Arm; +then pointed to a Latticed Window high up in the wall, to give me to +understand that some one had been Watching me from there; and then +beckoned me to Follow her. I was wofully perplexed, and, thought I, "The +Dey will have no Cymbals to his Supper to-night, that's certain." Still, +it is never to be said that J. D. ever shirked an adventure that +promised aught of Love or Peril; and had it been into the jaws of a +Lion, I must have followed the Negro Emissary. After all, I reasoned, I +was a proper-looking Fellow, although no longer in my First Youth, and +my hair beginning to whiten somewhat; but Love levels ranks, as my Lord +Grizzle has it in Tom Thumb; and I was, perhaps, not the first Frank +Slave who was favoured by a beauteous Moorish Lady. A Moorish Beauty! +Why, this might be, after all, a Princess, a Sultana, a Turkish Khanum! +It turned out, however, far differently from what I had expected. +Following the Slave, we quitted the street and passed through a Porch, +or Gateway, which the Negress carefully locked after her. We now entered +upon a Court, with Benches on either side, and paved very handsomely +with Marble, covered in the middle with a rich Turkey Mat, and sheltered +from the heat of the weather by a kind of Veil, expanded by Ropes from +one side of the Parapet-wall, or Lattice of the Flat Roof, to the other. +So into a little Cloister running round this Court, and up a little +winding stone Staircase into another Cloister or Upper Gallery. Then at +a Door all covered with rich Filigree-work in Gold and Colours did the +Negress knock; and by and by a soft silvery Voice, of which the sound, +somehow, made me start and tremble much more than that of the Old +Knight of Malta had done, said a few words in Arabic, and we went in. + +I found myself in a large square Apartment, with curious latticed +Windows, through which the Evening Sunlight came, in the prettiest of +patterns, and fell, like so many spangles disposed by an artful +Embroiderer, upon the rich Carpet. A great Divan, or stuffed Bench of +Crimson Damask, ran all round the room, with many soft pillows and +shawls upon it; and on this Divan, upon the side opposite the door, sat +an Eastern Lady, amazingly Dressed. She had laid aside her Hyke, which +was of white silk gorgeously striped with gold and crimson Bars, and all +dotted with Bullion Tassels, and sat in a tight-fitting jacket of Red +Velvet, open in front, where you could see the Bosom of her Snowy Smock +all blazing with Emeralds and Rubies. I had never seen so many of the +latter kind of Jewels since the days of my Grandmother, in her Cabinet +of Relics. Round her Waist was swathed a great Cashmerian Shawl, very +rich and noble, and with a heavy Fringe; and from among the folds peeped +out a little Poniard with a jewelled Hilt, and a knife with a Gold and +Mother-of-pearl Haft to cut her Victuals. She wore loose Trowsers, or +Drawers, of a very fine spun silk, covered with a raised pattern in gold +thread, that, as is the custom of the Moorish Women, were fastened at +the Knee, and then fell in quite a torrent of Drapery down to her +Ankles, nearly covering her pretty Feet. A sweet Fashion, and very +Modest. As to the Feet themselves,--the smallest, sure, that mortal +woman ever had,--I could, rapid as was my survey, see that she wore no +Hose; but her tiny Toes were thrust into Slippers or Papowshes of blue +velvet, all heightened and enriched with Gold Orris and Seed Pearls. On +her head was a dainty little cap, of the Fez Pattern, but of velvet +instead of cloth, jewelled; and from it hung a monstrous Tassel of Gold, +which reached half-way down the Back. As for her Hair, it hung very +nearly down to the ground, being all collected into one Lock, and bound +and plaited with Ribbons; and being thus adorned, were tied close +together above the Lock, the several corners of a Kerchief, made of thin +flexible plates of Gold, cut through, and engraved in imitation of Lace. +In one hand she held a great Fan, of Peacock's Feathers, with a Mirror +in the midst; and a handle of Gold, Emeralds, and Agate, that would have +driven a Duke's-Place Jew crazy to look at; and in the other,--well, you +know that Oriental Fashions are different from ours, and that the Paynim +nations have the strangest of Manners and Customs,--I declare that in +the other Hand--the dexter one--the Lady held the Tube of a +Tobacco-pipe, the which she was smoking with great Deliberation and +apparent Relish. But 'twas a very different Pipe to what we are in the +habit of seeing in England--having a Bowl of fine Red Clay encrusted +with Gems, a long straight tube of Cherry-wood, and a Mouthpiece of +Amber studded with Precious Stones. This Pipe they call a Chibook, and +they smoke it much as we do our common Clay things; but there's another, +which they call a Nargilly, like the Hubble-bubble smoked by the proud +Planters in the Dutch East Indies. With the Nargilly, the Smoke passes +first through Rose-water, to purify it; and after passing through many +snake-like coils of silk and wire tubing, the Smoker gulps it down +bodily; so that it goes into his Lungs, and must make them as sooty as a +foul Chimney. Many of the Turks are so handy at this nasty trick, that +they can make the Smoke they have swallowed come out of their ears, +eyes, and nostrils; but I envy them not such Mountebankery, and when I +smoke my Pipe, am content to Blow a Cloud in a moderate and Christian +manner. + +I have kept you so long describing this Eastern Lady's Dress, that you +must be growing impatient to know whether her Face matched in +handsomeness with her Apparel; but there was the Deuce of it; for while +I stood before her, staring and Wondering over her splendid Habiliments, +I could catch ne'er a glimpse of her Countenance, which was entirely +concealed from view by the Veil they call a _Formah_, which is made of +a very fine gauzy stuff, but painted in body-colour in a pattern so as +to make it Opaque, and so artfully disposed as to hide the Face without +shading any of the splendour of the Dress. And though I could not make +out so much as the tip of the Lady's Nose, I had a queer sensation that +she was looking at _me_, nay, even that her eyes were twinkling in a +merry manner under her Veil. And so I remained Dumbfoundered, quite +uncertain as to the kind of Adventure that had befallen me. Had some +Moorish or Turkish Dame designed only to Divert herself at the expense +of a poor Christian Slave? or was the Veiled Lady only some artful +Adventuress of the Jewish, Armenian, or Cophtic Nation, of whom there +were many here, affecting great magnificence in their Habits and Living? + +Full Ten Minutes had the Lady so gazed upon me, I staring stupidly at +her, and the Negress continuing to enjoin me to silence by putting her +finger to her Lips. Then clapping her little hands together (I mean +that the Lady did, for the Black Woman's were sad Paws), in tumbles from +a little door at the side of the Divan a Negro Urchin about eight years +of age, very richly clad, who at her command brings Pipes and Coffee; +and, signs being made to me, I sat down on a couple of Pillows on the +Ground, smoked a Chibook, emptied a Cup, not much bigger than an +egg-shell, of Coffee,--very Bitter and Nauseous here, for they give you +the Dregs as well as the Liquor,--all the while staring at the Lady as +though my Eyeballs would have started out of my Head. And by this time +the Sun had quite gone down, and as there is but little Twilight in +these parts, the Shade of Evening fell like a great black Pall over the +Room; so the little Black Urchin came tumbling in again with a couple of +Lamps, which he set down before the Divan. These cast a very soft and +rosy Light, passing through folds of Pink Silk; and as soon as my eyes +grew accustomed to 'em, I could see that the Lady had raised her Veil, +that she was looking upon me with a pair of Dark, Roguish, Twinkling +Orbs, and that I was sitting in the presence of my kind Protectress, +Lilias. + +"What think you of this for an Opera Habit, goodman Cerberus?" cried +she. "Is this not much better than the Ballet of Orpheus? And, goodness! +what strange Accoutrement have you, too, got into?" + +When my first ecstasies of Joy and Amazement were over, I explained to +my Dear Patroness the Reasons (none of my own choosing) for appearing in +such a Garb as I then wore; telling her how I had been Galley-Slave, and +was now Cymbal Player, to the Unbelieving Dey of Algiers; and with great +Humility did I ask after her Honoured Parent, and seek to know by what +uncommon Accident she, the erst Ballet Dancer in the King's Opera-House +at Paris, had come to be the tenant of this Outlandish House, and +arrayed in this Heathen Habit. She answered me with that Candour and +Simplicity which I ever found characteristic of her. Old Mr. Lovell was +still alive, and in Paris; and this is how his Daughter had become +separated from him. A very brilliant Engagement, as First Dancer, +indeed, had been offered to her at the King's Theatre at Palermo; and, +after long unsuccessful importunities addressed to the Gentlemen of the +French King's Chamber to cancel her Engagement, these instances, owing +to the untiring influence of Cardinal de ----, had succeeded, and she +was allowed to depart. Full willingly would she have taken her Papa with +her as a Travelling Companion; but the Old Gentleman was now very +Infirm, and averse from Moving; and so Lilias was placed under the +Guardianship of an old Spanish Lady, the Senora Satisfacion de Mismar, +who was the Palermo Manager's Aunt, made his engagements for him abroad, +and played the Duenna or Singing Old Woman in his Comedies and Operas at +home. Nothing could be properer than this arrangement, Donna Satisfacion +being a Personage of exceeding Discretion and Propriety of Behaviour; so +the two, with half a dozen more little Dancing-girls that had been +hired to fill inferior places, started for Bordeaux, whence they +designed to take shipping for Palermo. But by ill luck there was no +Packet or Merchant Vessel bound for Sicily to be taken up for a long +time; and so they were fain to travel to Toulon, avoiding Marseilles, +where the Plague then was very bad, and thence by way of Nizza to Genoa, +where they found a Brig bound for Messina, which they thought would +serve their turn. And, in truth, the poor souls found it but too well +served; for the Brig was captured off Bastia in Corsica by one of these +diabolical Barbary Rovers, all on board made Slaves, and carried, not +into Algiers, but into Sallee. There, after much suffering, poor Donna +Satisfacion de Mismar died of a Distemper of the country, and poor +Lilias was left without any other Protector than her own Virtue and a +kind Providence. + +'Twas a terrible condition to be left in: Young, Fair, Friendless, and a +Slave among these Moorish Barbarians. By Heaven's Mercy, however, the +dear Girl came to no Harm. 'Tis the custom, before the Christian +Women-captives are exposed for sale in the public Slave-Market, where +they are Handled and put through their paces as though they were so many +Cattle, for a Private Inspection of 'em to be made by the rich Persons +of the place, who come and take Pipes and Coffee with the Merchant, +glance over his Stock in a respectful Manner, and often strike a Bargain +there and then. The Girls for sale are apparelled in a sumptuous manner, +bathed, perfumed, and trinketed out for their Private View; and their +Captors seek to render 'em docile by giving 'em plenty of Sweetmeats. As +if the intolerable pangs of Slavery were to be allayed by Lollipops! It +chanced that among the visitors to the Merchant's House was one Hamet +Abdoollah, a very Learned Man, a Physician by Trade, and equally trusted +by the Bey of Tunis, the Dey of Algiers, and him who reigned at Tripoli; +but who would not devote himself to the service of any of these +Potentates, but, loving an independent life, served all with equal +fidelity, sometimes even travelling so far as the Capital of Morocco, +where he was in high favour with the Savage who calls himself Emperor of +that country, which would be as piratical as the Barbary States, only it +has less Seaboard. The father of this Physician had been quite as +learned a Man as he, and by the name of Muley Abdoollah had travelled +much in Western Europe, where by his Skill and Erudition he had gained +so much consideration among the Polite as to be elected a Correspondent +Member of the Royal Society of England and the Paris Academy of +Sciences. His son was one of the wisest and justest and most merciful of +his Species, as you will presently have cause to admit. He was struck at +once by the Beauty, Intelligence, and Goodness of Lilias, and his humane +heart recoiled at the thought of what her fate might have been among a +people given up to Cruelty and Lust. He forthwith bought her of the +Merchant at a fair price; for although that crafty and rapacious +Slave-Dealer would have made him pay Through the Nose for his Treasure, +knowing the Physician to be a man of great Wealth, he forbore in very +shame from his extortion; for Hamet Abdoollah had but just saved his +little son out of a Fever, after he had been given up by all the +Ignorant Leeches of Sallee. + +So Lilias became the Bond-servant, but only so in name, to this Wise and +Good Man. As her dearest wish was now to rejoin her Father, he undertook +to send her back to France, and with that view did remove with his +precious charge to Algiers, only exacting from her a promise that while +she remained under his protection she would wear the Moorish Habit and +pass as his Wife, so as to avoid Insult when she walked abroad. But of +any thoughts of Love and Intrigue the Good Man was entirely free. He was +wrapped up in the study of the Healing Art, and troubled his head much +more about Drugs, Cataplasms, and Electuaries, than about the Bow and +Arrows of Dan Cupid. Though why the God of Love should have been +christened Daniel, it puzzles me to comprehend. This accounts for the +manner in which I had found my dear Protectress caparisoned in every +respect as a Moorish Dame. She told me that this was by no means the +first time she had seen me, and that my being Cymbal-Player in the Dey's +Musicians was very well known to her, and that her kind Guardian was on +the point of petitioning the Dey to release me from Servitude, when by +accident she espied me from the Window, and could not resist the +temptation of having me called in. + +But, in her sweet regard for what was due to Modesty and Decorum, she +would have no Parley with me save in the presence of the Black +slave,--'tis true that she did not understand a word of English--and +directly she had come to an end of her Narrative, she sent the Tumbling +Urchin to inquire whether the Physician had come home, the part of the +House she occupied being quite separate and distinct from his. The +smutty little Imp comes back bringing word that Hamet would wait upon +her presently; and anon, after discreetly tapping at the door, he came +in, a grave, Reverend Man, in a flowing Robe of Sad-coloured Taffety, +and with a long White Beard and Green Turban; for he had made the Mecca +Pilgrimage, and yet abstained from assuming the title of Hadji, to which +he was entitled. He spoke very good French, and even a little English +(learned from his Papa); and when I was made known to him, asked for +news of Dr. Mead and Sir Hans Sloane, although I could tell him but +little of that worthy and deceased Gentleman. + +"Happy is the Wooing that is not long a Doing," they say; and, by this +time, you will probably have discovered that I Loved Lilias Lovell very +dearly. 'Twas no Ramping, Rantipoling, Fiery-Furnace kind of Calf Love +on my part, but a matured and sensible admixture of Gratitude and +Sincere Affection. I scorn to conceal that although I knew myself to be +by Lineage worthy the hand of a Gentleman's Daughter,[D] I was aware +that, by the Meanness of the condition under which I was first known to +the Lovell Family, a Gulf yawned between their Estate and mine; and +that, warm and devoted as was my Love for the Pretty Little Creature I +had saved from the Flames, I could but deem that she reckoned the Humane +Dog Cerberus of the Opera Ballet as of no greater account than a real +Doggish Mastiff. But, to my extreme Amazement and Felicity, this was not +so. I was beloved by this amiable Young Person, to whom Ambassadors were +proud to go on their knees, and whom Gentlemen of the Chamber would have +covered with Diamonds. With a charming frankness, blushing and +stammering, yet with Virginal Pride, she confessed that she was +enamoured of me, and, if Fortune were propitious, would gladly be my +Wife. I could at first scarcely realize the possibility of such great +and unmerited Happiness; for well did I know the disparity in Age that +existed between us--how Rough and Weather-beaten was I; and she, how +Tender, Delicate, and Good! "But does not the Ivy twine round the Oak?" +quoth the Physician, as he smote me cheerfully on the Shoulder. And +behold, now, gnarled and battered old Jack Dangerous, with this +delicious little Parasite creeping toward and Nestling Round him. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[C] 2 Kings, ix. 30. + +[D] I preserve a fragment of what His Eminence was pleased once upon a +time to write to me, in his curious Italian way of spelling the French +tongue: + +"_Si cieu che vous m'avez dict sur vostre Naissance e vray, vos esteo +digne di monter dedans le carozze du Roy._" + + + + +CHAPTER THE NINTH AND LAST. + +OF MY SERVICE UNDER THE GREAT TURK AS A BASHAW; OF MY ADVENTURES IN +RUSSIA AND OTHER COUNTRIES; AND OF MY COMING HOME AT LAST AND BUYING MY +GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE (WHICH IS NOW MINE) IN HANOVER SQUARE. + + +'TWAS the advice of the Good Physician, that, to prevent Accidents, we +should be Married without delay; for in these hot countries you are here +to-day and gone to-morrow, and no one can tell what may happen. +Difficulties almost insurmountable, 'tis true, seemed to stand in the +way of our Union; but Hamet Abdoollah was able to act almost a +Magician's part to bring about our Happiness. I was for the time being +bestowed in his House, and the next morning the Physician hies him to +the Dey, who was in a Fury about me, and was threatening all kinds of +Bowstrings and Bastinadoes. But his Highness happening likewise to be +suffering from Toothache, and as a Man with a Raging Tooth would give +all the Treasures of Potosi to be quit of his Agony, the Physician +promised to Relieve him forthwith if he would grant his Suit. The Dey +promised him any thing he could wish for, and so Hamet Abdoollah cures +him with a little Phial full of nothing but Tar Balsam. 'Tis but just to +the Mussulmans to say, that when they have once given their Word of +Honour, they keep it with Extreme Rigour; so that when the Physician +begged pardon for me, and License to purchase me out of the Dey's +service and take me into his own, the Suit was very cheerfully granted. +Joyfully Hamet Abdoollah repairs to us again, with a Firman under the +Dey's own Signet granting me my Liberty; and that very forenoon my +silver Collar, Anklets, and Manacles were stricken off,--the Physician +returning them to the Dey's Treasury,--and I was no longer a Slave. + +Although there is no Man alive who mislikes Popery and its Superstitious +Practices more than does J. D., there is one order of Nuns and one of +Monks for whose members I entertain a profound Love and Reverence. Of +She-Religious, I mean those Blessed Sisters of Charity who go about the +World doing good, braving Sickness, succouring Misery, assuaging Hunger, +drying up Tears, and smiling in the Face of Death: God bless those Holy +Women, say I, wheresoever they are to be found! and in our own +Protestant country of England, why should we not have similar +Sisterhoods of Women of Mercy, or Deaconesses, bound by no rigid vows, +and suffering no ridiculous Penances of Stripes and Macerations, but +obeying only the call of Religious Charity, and going Quietly and +Trustfully about their Master's Business? Of He-Monks, I mean the +Fathers of the Work of Redemption, or Redemptorists, whose sole business +it is to travel about Begging and Praying of the Rich for money to +Ransom poor Christian bodies out of Slavery; which is a better work, I +think, than praying for the deliverance of their Souls out of Purgatory. +These Redemptorist Fathers have a permanent Station and Correspondence +at all the Piratical Ports of the Barbary Coast; and at stated times, +when they have gathered enough Money to redeem a certain number of +Christians, a body of the Fraternity visit the Station, take away their +Sanctified Merchandise, and by their Humble and Devout Carriage, and +exemplary Poverty of Life, extort admiration even from the Bloodthirsty +Heathens. + +Now at Algiers, about this time, there was suffered to dwell an old +Religious of this Order, Le Pere Lefanu,--who for his Virtues and Piety +was esteemed even by the Mussulman Ulemas, and was thought a good deal +more of than any of their Marabutts or Santons, which is a name they +give to a kind of wandering Idiots, who, the Crazier they are, are +thought the more deserving of Superstitious Veneration. Pere Lefanu was +nearly ninety years of age, and had dwelt among these Barbarians for +full sixty years of his Life, passing his time in Meditation, Prayer, +and the Visitation of the Sick and Needy, both among the Unbelievers and +the Christian Slaves, and at the same time transacting all necessary +business with the Dey's Head-men for periodically redeeming those that +were in Bondage. Our good Physician had a profound esteem for this +Reverend Person, and often visited him; and now it was through his +Ministry that Lilias and I were to be made One. I had forgotten to say, +that my departed Saint was of the Communion opposite to mine; but in a +land of Pagans 'tis as well to forget all differences between Papists +and Protestants, and to remember only that we are Christians. Pere +Lefanu had been ordained a Secular Priest before he had become a Regular +Monk, and, he told me that if I had any Conscientious Scruples as to the +Husband being a Protestant and the Wife of another way of Thinking, I +could have the marriage done over again in whatever way I thought proper +on our return to Europe. But I was in far too great a Hurry to be +Married to look too narrowly which way the Cat jumped; and a Romish +Wedding is surely better than jumping over a Broomstick, which, unless +we had adopted the uncouth Moresque custom, would have been all the +Ceremony of Matrimony we could have had. So Pere Lefanu came privately, +to avoid Gossip, to the Physician's House, and Lilias Lovell and John +Dangerous were made One in the French Language, the contracting parties +being English, the Bridegroom's best man a tawny Mahometan Moor, and the +only Bridesmaid a Black Negress. + +Our Honeymoon (we continuing to dwell in the House of the good Hamet +Abdoollah) was one of unmixed Joy and Gladness; but 'twas too complete +to last long, and soon came a black Storm to lash into fury the calm +surface of our Life's Lake. Seized with a Malignant Distemper, and after +but three days' Sickness, the good Hamet Abdoollah died. His Pillow was +smoothed by our reverent hands, and with his dying breath he blessed us. +I know not if there be any Saints in the Mussulman Church; but if ever +a man deserved Canonization from whatsoever Communion he belonged to, I +am sure it was Hamet Abdoollah, the Moorish Physician. + +His Skill in Medicine had brought him great Wealth, of which, although +he was always distributing Alms to the Poor, he left a considerable +Portion behind him. In his last moments he sent for the Cadi and Ulema +of his Quarter, for his will to be made, or at least to assure them by +word of mouth of his Testamentary Intentions, which among this People +would have been as religiously carried out as though he had written +them. But, alas! when the Cadi and Ulema arrived, he was speechless, and +died without word or sign of his Wishes. + +His Relations came forthwith to administer to his Effects, and (if truth +be not unpalatable to English Heirs, that often do the same thing) to +fight and squabble over the administration thereof. A pretty Noise and +Riot they made: now weeping and howling over the Corse; now bursting +open Trunks, wrenching Trinkets from each other, striving to convey +away Garments and Furniture, and even tearing down the hangings of Rich +Stuff. Only the Harem, where my one True Wife was, remained inviolate +from these Harpies; but me they overwhelmed with the most injurious +Invectives and accosted by the foulest epithets, calling me Infidel, +Pig, Giaour Dog, Frankish Thief, and the like, telling me that I had +fattened long enough on the Substance of a True Believer, with the like +opprobrious speeches. I let them have their way, only giving them to +understand that the first Man who should attempt to cross the Threshold +of my Harem, it were better for him that he never had been Born. + +Soon, however, came a greater Heir at Law than any of these, to take +possession of the Dead Man's heritage. The news of Hamet Abdoollah's +decease had come to the ears of the Dey; and straightway he sends down a +strong guard of Coglolies to Seize all in his Name, specially enjoining +the Bullock Bashee in command to put the big Christian Slave (meaning +myself) in Fetters, and equally secure, although with lighter bonds, +the fair Frankish Woman, meaning my dear Wife Lilias. All this was no +sooner said than done. The Rough Soldiers burst into the House, and, to +prevent any misunderstanding about me, a Cloth (for which I was quite +unprepared) was thrown over my head from Behind; and while I was yet +struggling to free myself from this blinding Incumbrance, the Gyves were +passed over my Wrists and Ankles. And then they removed the Cloth, and, +laden with heavy Chains, I had to behold in Despair their Invading the +Sanctity of my Harem, and tearing therefrom my Lilias. In vain did I +Shout, Threaten, Grind my Teeth, Implore, Promise, and strive to Tear my +Hair. They only Laughed; and one Brutish Coglolie made as though to +strike me with the flat of his Sabre, when I out with my foot, all +fettered as it was, and gave the Ruffian a blow on the Jaw, the which, +by the momentum given by the Iron, I thought had stove it in. This much +infuriated his Savage Companions; and I doubt not but they would have +finished me, but the Bullock Bashee, who had orders to the contrary, +constrained them to stay their hand. + +What became of my dear Lilias, I was not allowed to know. She was borne +away, shrieking and calling on me, with Streaming Eyes, for help; and I +saw her no more. Myself they dragged downstairs; and when we were come +into the street, flung me, fettered as I was, over the back of an +Artillery Horse, where I lay, face downwards, and in a kind of stupor, +as listless as a Miller's Sack; and so, my Gyves jingling and +clattering, I was conveyed away. + +The cruel and remorseless Dey of Algiers I saw no more. Some spark of +shame there might perchance be in the Ruffian's Breast that forbade him +to gaze upon the man he had pardoned and enfranchised, and had now +traitorously Kidnapped. I suppose that in the Thieves' philosophy of +this Fellow he reasoned that, if promises are to be kept to Live Men, +there is no need to keep them unto Dead ones; that he was released from +all his obligations by the demise of Hamet Abdoollah; and that, as the +Physician could not cure him of the Toothache again, if he chanced to +get it, 'twas idle to continue bestowing Favours where no Benefits could +be derived. + +Into a wretched Dungeon of the Arsenal was poor J. Dangerous thrust, +with naught for victuals but Musty Beans and Stinking Water. When I had +been here, groaning and gnashing my teeth, for seven days,--which seemed +to me thrice seven years,--a Rascally Fellow that I knew to be a Scribe +belonging to the Divan of the Dey comes into my Dungeon to tell me that +the Packet-ship has come in from Marseilles, and that in answer to my +letter to Monsieur Foscue, that Merchant sends word that he knows +nothing at all about me; to which the Rascally Scribe adds, in the +Lingua Franca, that I was no doubt an Impostor who had trumped up a +convenient Fable of my being a Gentleman, and having Correspondents who +would be Answerable for my Ransom in Europe, in order to get better food +and treatment until the real truth could be known. Whereupon he tells +me that his Highness the Dey had not yet quite made up his mind as to +whether he shall have me Impaled, or merely Flayed Alive, and so slams +the door in my Face. + +In this Horrible Dungeon did I continue for seven days more, mostly +grovelling on the ground, my face downwards, and praying for Deliverance +or Death. I had a mind to dash my Brains out against the slimy walls of +the Cell, but was only stayed by the thought of my Lilias. 'Twas always +night in the abominable Hole, which was lighted only by a hole in the +roof, about four inches square, and which gave not into the open air, +but into a Corridor above. But on the fifteenth night of my Captivity, +for I judged it so by the utter darkness, the door of the Dungeon +opened, and the Blessed Old Man that was a Redemptorist Father appeared, +bearing a Lantern. + +"You have that about you, my son," says he, "which should be a sign that +you are a trusted Agent of Holy Mother Church. Can you show it?" + +I pointed with one of my fettered hands to my Breast, and made signs for +him to search for that he was in quest of. The which he did, and after +reverently kissing the Parchment I had between the Glasses, restored it +to me. + +"You have been most basely entreated," he continued. "Monsieur Foscue +sent ample funds for your Ransom, and his Eminence is most anxious for +your safety; but the cruel Moorish Prince who governs this unhappy city, +after taking the money, feigned that you had made your Escape from the +Arsenal, designing to keep you here in Chains and Hunger until you +should Perish." + +He paused for a moment, for his Great Age made him very feeble, and then +continued: + +"I can deliver you from this Abode of Misery; but it is not in my power, +my son, to give you entire Deliverance. Would that I could! You have but +to follow me to the Quayside, where you will find a boat to convey you +on board a Turkish Merchant-ship, that to-morrow morning weighs anchor +for Constantinople. You will still be a Slave to the Captain, but to +your own ingenuity I leave it to obtain complete Freedom." + +"And my Wife--my dear, dear Lilias?" I asked. + +The Ancient Man shook his head. + +"I can do nothing to bring you together again. She cannot follow you to +Stamboul; but by Perseverance, and in Time, you may be restored to her." + +"Time!" I cried out in bitter desperation. "Time! O Father! I am growing +an old man. She is the stay and prop of my Life; she is the one ray of +sunshine cast on a Black and Wicked Career! And she is taken from me by +these Butchers! and I am to see her no more? What care I for Hunger and +Chains, and a Dungeon-floor for a Pallet? They have been familiar to me +from my earliest youth. If I am not to have my Lilias's sweet +companionship again, I will remain here, in this Hole, and die like a +Dog, as I am." + +"Take comfort, my son," said the Redemptorist Monk. "Time and +Perseverance may, I repeat, enable you to attain your heart's desire. +Meanwhile, console yourself with the assurance that the Fair and Good +Woman, who is your Wife, is out of peril from lawless men. By the same +Packet-ship that brought the Letters from Monsieur Foscue came a Sum +sufficient Doubly to Ransom the Young Woman. The benignant protection of +his Eminence has been extended to her, and she will in a few days return +to France, and to her Father." + +"But can I not see her?--cannot I touch her Hand?--can I not press her +Lip?--for one brief moment, and for the last time?" + +"It is impossible," answered the Monk. "She is watched, both by Day and +Night, by zealous agents of the Dey, and I have no means of access to +her. 'Twould be death both to you and to myself were I to seek to bring +about a meeting between you. Even now the precious moments are wasting +away. In another hour the Guard will be changed, and your Escape +impossible." + +"And how is it possible now?" I asked. "And will no one come to Hurt +through my evasion?" + +"It _is_ possible," he repeated. "You have to walk but from hence to the +Outer Gate and the Quayside. Immediately you have departed, the Body of +a poor Christian Slave, of your age and stature, who died this morning +at the Arsenal, will be conveyed here, and garnished with your Chains. +The Dey will be told that you have died in Prison. He loves not to look +upon the faces of those he has murdered, and will take the word of the +Aga, who is in our pay. Come! there is not an instant to be lost. Here +is the key to your Fetters. Unlock them, and follow me." + +With a heart that was now elated with the prospect of Deliverance, and +now sunk at the thought that I was still to be separated from my Lilias, +I did as the good Redemptorist bade me, and, casting my accursed +Shackles from me in a heap, limped slowly forth--for the Iron had +wofully galled me. Outside the Dungeon-door stood a couple of Coglolies, +with their Turban-cloths let down over their faces to serve as Masks, +who swiftly unlocked what Doors remained between us and the Sea Rampart. +The Monk pressed my Hand, gave me his Blessing, bidding me hope for +Better Times, and disappeared. Guided by the Coglolies, and, indeed, +half supported by them, I was put into a Boat waiting at the Quayside, +as the Monk had told me, and ten minutes' hard pulling brought us +alongside a large craft, on board which, I being so weak, they were fain +to hoist me with Ropes. By this time I had sunk into a kind of Lethargy, +and, being conveyed below and put into a cot in the Master's Cabin, fell +into a slumber, which lasted for very many hours. + +The Captain of this ship was an English Renegado, named Sparkenhoe. He +had served as Midshipman and Master's Mate in a King's ship; but having +been, as he conceived, unjustly Broken for hot words that passed +between him and the Captain,--this took place at Gibraltar,--had +deserted, and hid himself on board a Merchant Brig bound for Tangier. At +last, being fond of a Roving Life (and having the misfortune to kill the +Captain of the Merchant Brig in a dispute concerning some Bullocks they +were shipping), he had turned Mussulman; and after living some time +among the Buccaneers of the Riff, had come to Algiers, and been made +Captain of a Merchantman trading to the Dardanelles, and doing a bit of +Piracy when opportunity served. 'Twas full five-and-twenty years since +he had Run from the King of Great Britain's service; and although his +Blue Eyes and enormous Red Whiskers still gave him somewhat of a Saxon +appearance, he had very nearly forgotten his Mother Tongue, and only +retained English enough to enable him to mingle a few Billingsgate Oaths +with his barbarous Levantine Lingo. + +This fellow, whom I heartily despised, for he had kept all the Vices of +his former Religion, and had acquired none of the Virtues of his new +one, was civil enough to me, and informed me that all he could do for +me, in return for the Bribe he had received from his Employers, would be +to deliver me to a Slave Merchant at Constantinople, who would place me +out in Domestic Service where I should not be ill-treated. But he very +strongly advised me to turn Turk or Renegado, as he himself was, saying, +that in such a case he would land me perfectly free at the Porte, where +I should doubtless find some profitable Employment. This I scornfully +refused; whereupon he shrugged his Shoulders, and said that I was a +Fool, but might possibly think Better of it in Time. + +After three weeks' coasting among the Isles of the Grecian Archipelago, +and so into the Sea of Marmora, we steered into the Dardanelles 'twixt +the Castles of Europe and Asia; and the same night the Slave-Dealer +comes off in a private Caique--as the Turks call their Canoes,--and the +Renegado delivered me up to him. I was taken to his House at Galata, +where I was kept very close for two or three weeks, and was then sold +to a Merchant of Damascus in Asia, that had come to Constantinople with +the Autumn Caravans, to dispose of his cargo of Silk and Attar of +Roses--a very fine and subtle Perfume, one drop of which is sufficient +to scent an entire House. + + * * * * * + +'Twas in the autumn of the year 1759 that I so came to Damascus, and for +ten years did I remain in that city,--all the time without hearing one +word from my dear Wife. Had I been in the Capital, where Foreign +Ambassadors reside, I could not, as a Christian, be detained in Slavery; +that being guarded against by Treaties between the Crown of Great +Britain and the Sublime Porte. But in this remote part of the Empire, +these and many other worse enormities were possible; and I remained as +one Dead and Buried. To a few English and French Travellers passing +through Damascus did I tell my piteous Tale, and entreat their help; but +the account that I gave of myself was so rambling and confused, and +contained, I could but confess it, many Incredible Particulars, that I +could plainly see no one believed my Tale, or accounted me as aught but +a half-mad Fellow that had run away for some misdeed from a Ship in port +on the Coast of Syria, and was now trying to cadge Sympathy for a +Pretended Grievance. At last I gave up complaining. Slowly, but surely, +my memory of my former life began to Decay, and even the knowledge of +mine own Language faded away, and became weaker and weaker every day. I +dressed, I ate, I drank, I slept in the Eastern Fashion, and in all but +religion I was a Turk. + +Meanwhile I had gained in the favour of my Master. He was about mine own +age when he purchased me, and we grew old Together. At first I was +employed as a mere Menial, in carrying of Bales and Packages, and +tending of Camels; but by degrees I was promoted to be his Warehouseman, +Clerk, Cashkeeper, and at last his Partner. In that capacity he sent me +to manage a large silk-plantation of his in the Lebanon; and after two +years of that work I left him with a fortune of no less than five +hundred Purses of Gold (about 20,000_l._ of our Money), to set up on my +own account in the City of Broussa. He made no attempt (nor had he at +any time done so) to combat my Religious Scruples, but counselled me to +behave in all things outwardly as a Turk; and if anything was said of my +being in countenance a Frank (though I was swarthy enough from my Long +Journeyings), to account for it by saying that I was an Affghan born, +out of India. He died very soon after I settled at Broussa, and the +secret of my being a Christian died with him. It is true that, for mere +Policy's sake, I did go through the Mummeries of outward Mahometans, and +had my Rosary and my Prayer-carpet like other Merchants of Broussa; but +I scornfully deny that I was initiated, or submitted to, any Heathenish +Rites; and I am ready to maintain now, Cut, Thrust, or Backsword, that I +was then as stanch and leal a Protestant as I am now. + +Under the name of Gholab Hassan, of Affghanistan, and a True Believer, I +prospered exceedingly, almost entirely forgetting my own country. 'Tis +true I always preserved an affectionate remembrance of my dear Wife +Lilias; but she seemed to me in the guise of some Departed Angel, whom I +had been privileged to behold but for a Short and Transient Period. +Among these Pagans, as is well known, Polygamy is permitted; but that is +neither here nor there; and I was now an Old, Old Man. + +'Tis ten years since, namely, A.D. 1770, that a great Insurrection +against the Authority of the Porte, or rather of the Bashaw of the +Province, who had been laying on the Taxes with somewhat too heavy a +hand, broke out in Broussa. The infuriate Populace burnt the House of +the Bashaw about his ears, plundered the Bazaar, and were proceeding to +further extremities, when, a puff of my old Martial Spirit reviving +within me, I collected a trusted band of Porters and Camel-drivers, +rallied the Turkish Troops, who were flying in all directions, reformed +them, scattered the Insurgent Mobile, and did (I promise you) speedy +execution on some Scores of them. The Insurrection was very speedily +subdued, and all Broussa was filled with the praises of my Valour and +Discretion. The Bashaw was a poor Good-natured kind of Creature, Brave +enough, but so Fat that when he mounted on Horseback they were obliged +to put one of the Pillows of his Divan on the pummel of his saddle to +keep his Stomach steady. An end, however, was put to the discomfort he +suffered through Corpulence, by the arrival, three weeks after the +suppression of the Insurrection, of a Tartar Courier, who brought with +him a Bowstring and a Firman from the Grand Seignor. By means of the +Bowstring, the Fat Bashaw was then and there strangled,--for they do +things in a very off-hand manner in Turkey,--and when the Firman was +opened by his Vizier it was found to contain, not his own nomination to +the Bashawlik, which he fondly expected, but the appointment of the +Merchant Gholab Hassan, that is to say, JOHN DANGEROUS, that is to say, +your Humble Servant, to the vacant Post, and commanding my immediate +attendance at the Porte to receive investiture with the Three +Horse-tails of Office. + +I was at once saluted as Gholab Bashaw, and the next day set forth +amidst great Acclamations, and in sumptuous state, for Constantinople. +Arrived there, I was handsomely lodged in a Palace close to the Old +Seraglio, and admitted to no less than three solemn Audiences with the +Commander of the Faithful, the Caliph Al Islam, the Padishaw of Roum, +the Great Turk himself. + +I could not help smiling at myself, now arrayed in all the pomp and +glory of an Exalted Functionary, and in the true Turkish fashion. 'Tis a +custom (through Ignorance of those parts) with the Limners of Europe to +portray all Osmanlis with long Beards; and, for truth, as a Merchant at +Broussa, I had a great grizzled one of most Goatish appearance; but +among the Bashaws and all those engaged in the Military Service of the +Grand Seignor, or holding Employments in the Seraglio, they wear only a +fierce and martial pair of Whiskers. The most distinguishing sign of a +true Mussulman is, after all, his Sarik or Turban, made in two parts, +namely, a Bonnet, and the Linen that is wrapped round it. The former a +kind of Cap, red or green, without Brims, and quilted with Cotton. About +this they roll several folds of Linen Cloth; and it is a particular art +to know how to give a Turban a good air; it being a trade with 'em, as +the Selling of Hats is with us. The Emirs, who boast of being descended +from the race of Mahomet, wear a turban all green; but that of the +common Turks is red, with a white border, so distinguishing 'em from the +Christians. Next I wore great long Breeches of a 'broidered stuff, and a +Shirt of fine soft calico, with wide Sleeves, but no Wristbands or +Collar; and over this a Cassock or Vest of fine English Cloth, reaching +to the ankles, and buttoned with buttons of gold, about the bigness of a +peppercorn. This was tied with a broad Sash or Girdle, which went +thrice round the waist, with the ends hanging down before, and two +handsome Tassels. Over all this another Garment, richly laced, and lined +with Furs of the Martin or the Badger. In my Girdle a Dagger, about the +size of a case-knife, the handle curiously wrought, and adorned with +Precious Stones. And as the Turkish tailors make no pockets to their +vestments, Purse, Handkerchief, Tobacco-box, and things of that nature +must needs be put into the Bosom, or thrust under the Girdle. Instead of +Shoes, a pair of Slippers of yellow leather; which, whenever you enter a +Mosque or the presence of a Superior, you must put off on the threshold. +This custom makes the soles of a Turk's feet always ready for the +application of the Talack or Bastinado, from which argument neither high +nor low are exempt. + +_Item._--The Women here very richly dressed, but sad Gossips, and a +Lazy, Lolloping kind of creatures; which they must needs be, poor souls, +seeing that they have no sort of Education, and are kept mostly in +seclusion, talking of scandal, sucking of sugar-plums, showing their +brave apparel to each other, and thrumming upon the Mandolin. A +galloping, dreary, dull place indeed is a Turkish Harem. As to the +qualities of the mind, the Turkish Women want neither Wit, Good Sense, +nor Tenderness; but the constraint that is put upon 'em, and the jealous +eye with which they are guarded, makes 'em go a great way in a little +time, and make an ill use of the Liberty which is sometimes granted +them. The old women-slaves of the Armenian and Jew Merchants, who are +the confidantes of the Turkish women, enter their apartments at all +hours, under the pretence of bringing them Jewels, and often favour +their amours with brisk young fellows. The usual hour for intrigue is +the hour of morning and evening Prayers, when the Husbands are away at +the Mosques. In case of Discovery the Turks are masters of the Lives of +their Wives; and if they have been convicted in form, they are sewn up +in Sacks, and thrown into the Sea. And even if a Guilty Woman's life is +spared, she is condemned to marry her Gallant, who is sentenced to die, +or must turn Mahometan, supposing him to be a Christian. The least +punishment for a man who has broken the Seventh Commandment is to ride +through the streets upon an Ass, with his face towards the Tail, to +receive a certain number of Blows upon the Soles of his Feet, and to pay +a Fine in proportion to his Estate. + +But though a duly invested Bashaw of Three Tails, I was not fated to +remain long in that Capacity. For once, however, my Destiny, in +subjecting me to Change, played me a kind instead of a spiteful Turn. +Going to visit the French Ambassador, who was then in high favour at the +Porte, I found there, living under the protection of his Family, a Lady, +who was no other than my dear Wife Lilias, and with her a Daughter, +called after her own name, who was now twelve years of age. Her History, +as she related it to me, was brief, but amazing. Both her Father and the +Cardinal died about two years after her return from Captivity; but she +found a new guardian in my old friend Captain Night, or Don Ercolo +Sparafucile di San Lorenzo, the Knight of Malta, who had retired from +that Island to end his days in France. She was enabled to cheer the +declining years of that Gallant Gentleman, who had preserved a lively +remembrance of his old _Protege_, Jack Dangerous; and when he died, he +left her the whole of his large fortune. All these years she had +remained in a dreadful state of uncertainty, till, through the kind +offices of the French Minister of Police, she was made acquainted with +the last dying avowal of a Pirate Renegado, named Sparkenhoe, who had +expired at the Galleys of Marseille, and stated that, in the year 1759, +he had conveyed a refugee Christian Slave from Algiers to +Constantinople, where he had been sold to a Merchant of Damascus. In the +almost desperate hope of discovering some Tidings of me, my Wife and +Child had journeyed to the Porte, where they were most kindly received +at the French Embassy. They had given up almost every prospect of +meeting me again, when I made my sudden appearance in the strange Guise +of a Turkish Bashaw. + +Under ordinary Circumstances, it might have gone hard with me; for the +Turks reckon it as an unpardonable crime for a Christian to assume the +Mussulman Garb, and conform outwardly to that religion, without having +gone through the Proper Rites. However, as I have said, the French +Ambassador was just then in high favour with the Porte. He made interest +with the Captain Bashaw, the Kislar Aga, and the Grand Vizier himself. +The services I had rendered to the Great Turk by suppressing the +Insurrection at Broussa were taken into consideration; and it was at +length agreed, that if I would convey myself away privately, and take my +Wife with me, no more should be said about the matter. It was given out +at Broussa that I had been appointed to another and more distant +Government; and he who had been Vizier to the unlucky Fat Man got his +much-coveted Preferment, and, I have no doubt, was very happy in it, +till the inevitable Tartar came, and he was Bowstrung, like his +predecessor. So Gholab Bashaw resigned the Three Horse-tails that during +so brief a period had waved at his Flagstaff, and became once more plain +JOHN DANGEROUS. The Sublime Porte, however, confiscated all my Property +at Broussa, including my Wives--I mean, my Women Servants. + +With my Wife and Child I now returned to Europe, full of Years, and, I +hope, notwithstanding some Ups and Downs, full of Honours too. We were +in no hurry, however, to return to England; for I had wandered about +Foreign Parts so long in Discredit, and Danger, and Distress, that I +thought myself well entitled to see the world a little in Freedom and +Independence, and with a Handsome competence at my Back. Therefore, as +the Chevalier Captain John Dangerous,--I have dropped my Knightly rank +of late years,--and furnished with all necessary passports and +safe-conducts, we made our way across the Black Sea to Odessa, a mean +kind of place, but rising in the way of trade; and after a most affable +reception by the Russian Governor of that place, journeyed at our ease +through the Tauric Chersonese, now wrested from the Tartar Khans of +Simpheropol, and belonging to the Muscovites. Next, in a handsome +wheeled carriage-and-four, we made for the great City of Moscow,--the +old Capital of the Great Dukes of Russia,--where we abode two whole +years, and went among the very best people in the place; although I had +an ugly Equivoque with a young gentleman of Quality that was an officer +of Dragoons, and who, I declare, stole a diamond-mounted Snuff-box of +mine off my wife's Harpsichord, putting the same (the Snuff-box, I mean) +into the pocket of his pantaloons. Him I was compelled to expel from my +house, the Toe of my Boot aiding; and meeting him subsequently at a +Coffee-house, and he not seeming sufficiently impressed with the +turpitude of his Offence, but the rather inclined to regard it as a +venial Prank or Whimsey, I did Batoon him within an inch of his life, +and until there were more wheals on his Body than bars of silver-braid +on his Jacket. This led to a serious misunderstanding between Justice +and myself. I was not Imprisoned, but was summoned no less than +fifty-seven times before a kind of Judge they call an Assessor, who +addressed a number of interrogatories to me, which, at a moderate +computation, reached, in the course of five weeks, three thousand seven +hundred and nine questions. This might have gone on till Doomsday, but +for the kind offices of a Muscovite friend, who hinted to me that if I +discreetly slipped a Bank-bill for five hundred roubles into the hand of +the Examining Judge, I should hear no more of the affair. This I did, +and was soon after honourably acquitted; after which I gave the young +Spark whom I had batooned his revenge, by allowing him to duff me out of +a few score pieces at the game of Lansquenet. By and by, being tired of +Moscow, we removed to the stately northern Capital, Petersburg, where I +had a handsome mansion on the Fontanka Canal, and was on more than one +occasion admitted to an audience with the Empress of Russia, the mighty +Czarina Catherine; a fine, bold, strapping woman, with a great taste for +Politics, Diamonds, the Fine Arts, and affairs of Gallantry. The First +time I made my obeisance to her Majesty (which was at her summer +residence of Peterhoff, on the River Neva), she deigned, smiling +affably, to say to me:-- + +"_Ah, ah! vous etes le Sabreur anglais qui avez rosse mes gens, la-bas, +a Moscou. Je voudrais que vous en fissiez autant pour mes faquins de +Chevalier-Gardes a Petersbourg._" + +I was given to understand in very high quarters that I had only to ask, +to receive a lucrative and honourable Appointment in the service of the +Czarina,--either as a General by Land, or as an Admiral at Sea; but I +was sick of fighting, and of working too; so at last, in disgust, I gave +up my House, and taking shipping with my family at Cronstadt, retired to +Hamburg, whence, after a brief sojourn, I travelled to France. + +My sainted Wife, with whom, after our reunion, I lived most happily, +died in Paris, in the year 1773; and then, feeling my Days drawing to a +close, and desiring to lay my Bones in my own Country, I returned to +England, after an absence of more than Thirty Years. Finding that the +old Mansion that had belonged to my Grandmother was for sale by Public +Auction, I purchased the Freehold, repaired and beautified it, and came +to reside in it, occupying my long and happy leisure by the composition +of these Memoirs. And if any one of my Readers experiences one-hundredth +part the pleasure in Reading these Pages (and that I dare scarcely hope) +that I have experienced in Writing them, John Dangerous will indeed be +amply repaid. + + + THE END OF THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN + DANGEROUS. + + + + +NOTE EXCULPATORY. + + +IT may be as well to state, for the benefit of sticklers for matters of +fact, that, in the episode relating to Arabella Greenville, the manner +of death ascribed to Lord Francis Villiers is, as Dr. Colenso would say, +"un-historical." The young nobleman in question was slain in battle; and +the description of his execution at Hampton Court is one of the few +instances of the Romancer's licence I have allowed myself in these +volumes. + + G. A. S. + + + + +Messrs. Tinsley Brothers' + +PUBLICATIONS. + +WORKS IN THE PRESS. + +In the Press, in 2 vols., 8vo, + +ABEKOUTA: + +AND + +AN EXPLORATION OF THE CAMEROON MOUNTAINS. + +By CAPTAIN RICHARD F. BURTON, Author of "A Pilgrimage to Elmedinah and +Meccah," &c. + + * * * * * + +In the Press, in 2 vols., + +MARTIN POLE. + +By JOHN SAUNDERS, Author of "Abel Drake's Wife," &c. + + * * * * * + +Now ready, + +A NEW AND CHEAPER EDITION IN 1 VOL., PRICE 6S. + +LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET. + +By the Author of "Aurora Floyd." + + * * * * * + +In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo. + +MY WANDERINGS IN WEST AFRICA: + +FROM LIVERPOOL TO FERNANDO PO. + +By F. R. G. S. + + [Ready in April. + + * * * * * + +In the Press, in 3 vols., post 8vo. + +ALTOGETHER WRONG. + +By the Author of "The World's Furniture." + + * * * * * + +In the Press, a New Edition, price 6s., uniform with "Guy Livingstone," + +BARREN HONOUR. + +By the Author of "Guy Livingstone," "Sword and Gown," &c. + + + + +WORKS JUST PUBLISHED, AND IN CIRCULATION AT ALL THE LIBRARIES. + +NOTICE: + +AURORA FLOYD, + +BY THE AUTHOR OF + +"LADY AUDLEY'S SECRET." + +The Fifth Edition is now Ready, at all the Libraries, in 3 vols. + + * * * * * + +This day, at every Library, in 3 vols. + +THE HOUSE + +BY THE + +CHURCHYARD. + +By J. SHERIDAN LE FANU. + + * * * * * + +Now ready, at every Library, in 3 vols. + +A TANGLED SKEIN. + +By ALBANY FONBLANQUE. + + * * * * * + +Now ready, the Five-Shilling Edition of + +GUY LIVINGSTONE. + +By the Author of "Barren Honour," "Sword and Gown." + + * * * * * + +Now ready, in 2 vols. + +THE LITERATURE + +OF + +SOCIETY. + +By GRACE WHARTON, + +One of the Authors of "The Queens of Society," &c. + + * * * * * + +Now ready, at all the Libraries, in 1 vol. 8vo. + +THE PUBLIC LIFE + +OF + +LORD MACAULAY. + +By FREDERICK ARNOLD, B.A., + +Of Christ Church, Oxford. + + * * * * * + +TINSLEY BROTHERS, 18, CATHERINE STREET, STRAND. + + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's Notes: + +Obvious punctuation errors repaired. + +Spelling being fluid in Captain Dangerous' life, spellings such as +"Quean" (which shows up twice) were retained. + +Page 16, "Item" was italicised to match the rest of the usage of this +word in this text. (_Item:_ I engaged) + +Page 84, "Bood" changed to "Blood" (stain of Blood) + +Page 127, repeated word "the" deleted. Original read: (with the the +floor of the) + +Page 239, "they" changed to "the" (the Dey began to look) + +Page 269, the "d" in the word "and" was printed upside down originally. +(a matured and) + +Page 279, "Coglololies" changed to "Coglolies" to fit rest of usage +(guard of Coglolies) + +Varied hyphenation in this book includes: a-piece and apiece, Gunshot +and Gun-shot; maingears and main-gears; Night-cap and Nightcap; Red-hot +and Redhot. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Strange Adventures of Captain +Dangerous, Vol. 3 of 3, by George Augustus Sala + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAPTAIN DANGEROUS, VOL. 3 OF 3 *** + +***** This file should be named 26669.txt or 26669.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/6/6/6/26669/ + +Produced by Robert Cicconetti, Emmy and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This +book was produced from scanned images of public domain +material from the Google Print project.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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