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diff --git a/27182.txt b/27182.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a84ea74 --- /dev/null +++ b/27182.txt @@ -0,0 +1,916 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of More Peers Verses, by Hilaire Belloc + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: More Peers Verses + +Author: Hilaire Belloc + +Illustrator: Lord Ian Basil Gawaine Temple, L Blackwood + +Release Date: November 7, 2008 [EBook #27182] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MORE PEERS VERSES *** + + + + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Joseph Cooper, Greg Bergquist, +some images courtesy of The Internet Archive and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + MORE PEERS + + Verses by H. BELLOC + Pictures by B. T. B. + + [Illustration] + + LONDON: DUCKWORTH & CO. + + + + + Printed in Great Britain at + _The Mayflower Press, Plymouth_. William Brendon & Son, Ltd. + + + + + CONTENTS + + + PAGE + + I. Edward, first EARL OF ROEHAMPTON in the County of + Surrey, deceased 5 + + II. Archibald, fifteenth Baron CALVIN of Peebles in North + Britain 11 + + III. Henry de la Tour Albert St. John Chase, commonly + known as LORD HENRY CHASE 12 + + IV. Thomas, second Baron HEYGATE of Bayswater in the + County of London 15 + + V. Percy, first EARL OF EPSOM, in the County of Surrey 16 + + VI. Arthur Weekes, commonly known as LORD FINCHLEY, + Eldest Son and Heir of Charles, first Baron + Hendon 22 + + VII. Ali-Baba, first (and last) Baron ALI-BABA of Salonika 24 + + VIII. George Punter, commonly known as LORD HIPPO, + Eldest Son and Heir of Peter, sixth Earl of + Potamus 27 + + IX. Baron UNCLE TOM of Maarfontein in the Britains + Over Seas 36 + + X. William, eighth EARL LUCKY, subsequently fifth Duke + of Bradford 39 + + XI. Christopher, sixth Baron CANTON 45 + + XII. Alcibiades, third Baron ABBOTT of Brackley in Southamptonshire 47 + + + + +Lord Roehampton + + +[Illustration] + +During a late election Lord +Roehampton strained a vocal chord +From shouting, very loud and high, +To lots and lots of people why +The Budget in his own opin- +-Ion should not be allowed to win. + +He + +[Illustration] + + sought a Specialist, who said: +"You have a swelling in the head: +Your Larynx is a thought relaxed +And you are greatly over-taxed." + +"I am indeed! On every side!" +The Earl (for such he was) replied + +[Illustration] + +In hoarse excitement.... "Oh! My Lord, +You jeopardize your vocal chord!" +Broke in the worthy Specialist. +"Come! Here's the treatment! I insist! +To Bed! to Bed! And do not speak +A single word till Wednesday week, +When I will come and set you free +(If you are cured) and take my fee." + +On Wednesday week the Doctor hires +A Brand-new Car with Brand-new Tyres +And Brand-new Chauffeur all complete +For visiting South Audley Street. + + * * * * * + +But what is this? No Union Jack +Floats on the Stables at the back! +No Toffs escorting Ladies fair +Perambulate the Gay Parterre. +A 'Scutcheon hanging lozenge-wise +And draped in crape appals his eyes +Upon the mansion's ample door, +To which he wades through + +[Illustration] + + heaps of Straw,[A] +And which a Butler + +[A] This is the first and only time +That I have used this sort of Rhyme. + +[Illustration] + + drowned in tears, +On opening but confirms his fears: +"Oh! Sir!--Prepare to hear the worst!... +Last night my kind old master burst. +And what is more, I doubt if he +Has left enough to pay your fee. +The Budget----" + + With a dreadful oath, +The Specialist, + +[Illustration] + + denouncing both +The Budget _and_ the House of Lords, +Buzzed angrily Bayswaterwards. + + * * * * * + +And ever since, as I am told, +Gets it beforehand; and in gold. + + + + +Lord Calvin + + +Lord Calvin thought the Bishops should not sit +As Peers of Parliament. + +[Illustration] + + And _argued_ it! +In spite of which, for years, and years, and years, +They went on sitting with their fellow-peers. + + + + +Lord Henry Chase + + +What happened to Lord Henry Chase? +He got into a + +[Illustration] + + Libel Case! +_The Daily Howl_ had said that he-- +But could not prove it perfectly +To Judge or Jury's satisfaction: +His Lordship, therefore, + +[Illustration] + + won the action. +But, as the damages were small, + +[Illustration] + +He gave them to a Hospital. + + + + +Lord Heygate + + +[Illustration] + +LORD HEYGATE had a troubled face, +His furniture was commonplace-- +The sort of Peer who well might pass +For someone of the middle class. +I do not think you want to hear +About this unimportant Peer, +So let us leave him to discourse +About LORD EPSOM and his horse. + + + + +Lord Epsom + + +[Illustration] + +A Horse, Lord Epsom did bestride +With mastery and quiet pride. +He dug his spurs into its hide. + +The Horse, + +[Illustration] + + discerning it was pricked, +Incontinently + +[Illustration] + + bucked and kicked, +A thing that no one could predict! + +Lord Epsom clearly understood +The High-bred creature's nervous mood, + +[Illustration] + +As only such a horseman could. +Dismounting, + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration] + + he was heard to say +That it was kinder to delay +His pleasure to a future day + + * * * * * + +He had the Hunter led away. + + + + +Lord Finchley + + +[Illustration] + +Lord Finchley tried to mend the Electric Light +Himself. + +[Illustration] + + It struck him dead: And serve him right! +It is the business of the wealthy man +To give employment to the artisan. + + + + +Lord Ali-Baba + + +Lord Ali-Baba was a Turk +Who hated every kind of work, +And would repose for hours at ease +With + +[Illustration] + + Houris seated on his knees. +A happy life!--Until, one day + +[Illustration] + +Mossoo Alphonse Effendi Bey +(A Younger Turk: the very cream +And essence of the New Regime) +Dispelled this Oriental dream +By granting him a place at Court, +High Coffee-grinder to the Porte, +Unpaid:-- + +[Illustration] + + In which exalted Post +His Lordship yielded up the ghost. + + + + +Lord Hippo + + +Lord Hippo suffered fearful loss + +[Illustration] + +By putting money on a horse +Which he believed, if it were pressed, +Would run far faster than the rest: +For + someone who was in the know + +[Illustration] + +Had confidently told him so. + +But + +[Illustration] + + on the morning of the race +It only took + +[Illustration] + + the _seventh_ place! + +[Illustration] + +Picture the Viscount's great surprise! +He scarcely could believe his eyes! +He sought the Individual who +Had laid him odds at 9 to 2, +Suggesting as a useful tip +That they should enter Partnership +And put to joint account the debt +Arising from his foolish bet. + +[Illustration] + +But when the Bookie--oh! my word, +I only wish you could have heard +The way he roared he did not think, +And hoped that they might strike him pink! +Lord Hippo simply turned and ran +From this infuriated man. +Despairing, maddened and distraught +He utterly collapsed and sought +His sire, + +[Illustration] + + the Earl of Potamus, +And brokenly addressed him thus: +"Dread Sire--to-day--at Ascot--I ..." +His genial parent made reply: +Come! Come! Come! Come! Don't look so glum! +Trust your Papa and name the sum.... + +WHAT? + +[Illustration] + + ... _Fifteen hundred thousand?_... Hum! +However ... stiffen up, you wreck; +Boys will be boys--so here's the cheque! +Lord Hippo, feeling deeply--well, +More grateful than he cared to tell-- +Punted the lot on Little Nell:-- +And got a telegram at dinner +To say + +[Illustration] + +that he had backed the Winner! + + + + +Lord Uncle Tom + + +Lord Uncle Tom was different from + What other nobles are. +For they are yellow or pink, I think, + But he was black as tar. + +[Illustration] + +He had his Father's debonair + And rather easy pride: +But his complexion and his hair + +[Illustration] + +Were from the mother's side. + +He often mingled in debate + And latterly displayed + +[Illustration] + +Experience of peculiar weight + Upon the Cocoa-trade. + +But now He speaks no more. The BILL + Which he could not abide, +It preyed upon his mind until + He sickened, paled, and died. + + + + +Lord Lucky + + +Lord Lucky, by a curious fluke, +Became a most important duke. +From living in a vile Hotel + +[Illustration] + +A long way east of Camberwell + +He rose, in less than half an hour, +To riches, dignity and power. +It happened in the following way:-- +The Real Duke went out one day +To shoot with several people, one + +[Illustration] + +Of whom had never used a gun. +This gentleman (a Mr. Meyer +Of Rabley Abbey, Rutlandshire), +As he was scrambling through the brake, + +[Illustration] + +Discharged his weapon by mistake, +And plugged about an ounce of lead +Piff-bang into his Grace's Head---- +Who naturally fell down dead. + +His heir, Lord Ugly, roared, "You Brute! + +[Illustration] + +Take that to teach you how to shoot!" +Whereat he volleyed, left and right; +But being somewhat short of sight, +His right-hand Barrel only got +The second heir, Lord Poddleplot; +The while the left-hand charge (or choke) +Accounted for another bloke, +Who stood with an astounded air +Bewildered by the whole affair +--And was the third remaining heir. + +After the + +[Illustration] + + Execution (which +Is something rare among the Rich) +Lord Lucky, while of course he needed +Some + +[Illustration] + + help to prove their claim, + succeeded. +--But after his succession, though +All this was over years ago, +He only once indulged the whim +Of asking Meyer to lunch with him. + + + + +Lord Canton + + +The reason that + +[Illustration] + + the Present Lord Canton +Succeeded lately to his Brother John +Was that his Brother John, the elder son, +Died rather suddenly at forty-one. + +The insolence of an Italian guide + +[Illustration] + +Appears to be the reason that he died. + + + + +Lord Abbott + + +Lord Abbott's coronet was far too small, +So small, that as he sauntered down White Hall +Even the youthful Proletariat +(Who probably mistook it for a Hat) +Remarked on its exiguous extent. + +[Illustration] + +Here is a picture of the incident. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of More Peers Verses, by Hilaire Belloc + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MORE PEERS VERSES *** + +***** This file should be named 27182.txt or 27182.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/1/8/27182/ + +Produced by Chris Curnow, Joseph Cooper, Greg Bergquist, +some images courtesy of The Internet Archive and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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