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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/28184-8.txt b/28184-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5665b20 --- /dev/null +++ b/28184-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1240 @@ +Project Gutenberg's The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne, by Gelett Burgess + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne + +Author: Gelett Burgess + +Release Date: February 25, 2009 [EBook #28184] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE *** + + + + +Produced by Geetu Melwani, Dave Morgan, Martin Pettit and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned +images of public domain material from the Google Print +project.) + + + + + + +THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE + +BY + +GELETT BURGESS + +NEW YORK +FREDERICK A STOKES COMPANY +PUBLISHERS + + +Copyright, 1904, +BY +GELETT BURGESS + +_Published December, 1904_ + + + + +THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE + + +I + +Wake! For the Hack can scatter into flight +Shakespere and Dante in a single Night! + The Penny-a-liner is Abroad, and strikes +Our Modern Literature with blithering Blight. + + +II + +Before Historical Romances died, +Methought a Voice from Art's Olympus cried, + "When all Dumas and Scott is still for Sale, +Why nod o'er drowsy Tales, by Tyros tried?" + + +III + +A cock-sure Crew with Names ne'er heard before +Greedily shouted--"Open then the Door! + You know how little Stuff is going to live, +But where it came from there is plenty More." + + +IV + +Now the New Year reviving old Desires, +The Artist poor to Calendars aspires, + But of the Stuff the Publisher puts out +Most in the Paper Basket soon suspires. + + +V + +Harum indeed is gone, and Lady Rose, +And Janice Meredith, where no one knows; + But still the Author gushes overtime, +And many a Poet babbles on in Prose. + + +VI + +Aldrich's lips are lock'd; but people buy +High-piping Authoresses, boomed sky-high. + "How Fine!"--the Publisher cries to the Mob, +That monumental Cheek to justify. + + +VII + +Come, fill the Purse, to Publishers, this Spring, +Your Manuscripts of paltry Passion bring: + The New York Times has oft a little Way +Of praising--let The Times your praises sing. + + +VIII + +Whether by Century or Doubleday, +Whether Macmillan or the Harpers pay, + The Publisher prints new books every Year; +The Critics will keep Busy, anyway! + + +IX + +Each Morn a thousand Volumes brings, you say; +Yes, but who reads the Books of Yesterday? + And this first Autumn List that brings the New +Shall take The Pit and Mrs. Wiggs away. + + +X + +Well, let it take them! What, are we not through +With Richard Calmady and Emmy Lou? + Let Ade and Dooley guy us as they will, +Or Ella Wheeler Wilcox--heed not you. + + +XI + +With me despise this kind of Fiction rude +That just divides the Rotten from the Good, + Where names of Poe and Dickens are forgot-- +And Peace to Thackeray with his giant Brood! + + +XII + +A Book of Limericks--Nonsense, anyhow-- +Alice in Wonderland, the Purple Cow + Beside me singing on Fifth Avenue-- +Ah, this were Modern Literature enow! + + +XIII + +Some for the stories of The World; and some +Sigh for the Boston Transcript till it come; + Ah, take The Sun, and let The Herald go, +Nor heed the Yellow Journalistic scum! + + +XIV + +Look to the blowing Advertiser--"Lo, +Booming's the way," he says, "to make Books go! + I advertise until I've drained my Purse, +And huge Editions on the Market throw." + + +XV + +And those who made a Mint off Miss MacLane, +And those who shuddered at her Jests profane, + Alike consigned her to Oblivion, +And buried once, would not dig up again. + + +XVI + +Anthony Hope men set their hearts upon-- +Like Conan Doyle he prospered; and anon, + Remained unopened on the dusty Shelf, +Delighting us an Hour--and then was gone. + + +XVII + +Think, in this gaudy monthly Magazine +Whose Covers are Soapette and Breakfastine, + How Author after Author with his Tale +Fills his fool Pages, and no more is seen. + + +XVIII + +They say that now Miss Myra Kelly reaps +Rewards that Howells used to have for Keeps: + And Seton, that great Hunter of Wild Beasts +Has Coin ahead; Cash comes to him in Heaps! + + +XIX + +I sometimes think that never Prose is read +So good as that by Advertising bred, + And every Verse Sapolian poets sing +Brings laurel wreaths once twin'd for Spenser's head. + + +XX + +And this audacious Author, young and green +In Smart Set--surely you know whom I mean-- + Ah, look upon him lightly! for who knows +But once in Lippincott's he wrote unseen! + + +XXI + +Ah, my Belovèd, write the Book that clears +TO-DAY of dreary Debt and sad Arrears; + _To-morrow!_--Why, To-morrow I may see +My Nonsense popular as Edward Lear's. + + +XXII + +For some we've read, the month's Six Selling Best +The Bookman scored with elephantine Jest, + Have sold a half a Million in a Year, +Yet no one ever heard of them, out West! + + +XXIII + +And we, that now within the Editor's Room +Make merry while we have our little Boom, + Ourselves must we give way to next month's Set-- +Girls with Three Names, who know not Who from Whom! + + +XXIV + +Ah, make the most of what we yet may do, +Before our Royalties have vanish'd, too, + Book after Book, and under Book to lie, +Sans Page, sans Cover, Reader--or Review! + + +XXV + +Alike for those who for TO-DAY have Shame, +And those who strive for some TO-MORROW'S Fame, + A Critic from anonymous Darkness cries, +"Fools, your Reward will fool you, just the Same!" + + +XXVI + +Why, e'en Marie Corelli, who discuss'd +Of the Two Worlds so learnedly, is thrust + Like Elbert Hubbard forth; her Words to Scorn +Are scatter'd, and her Books by Critics cussed. + + +XXVII + +Myself when young did eagerly peruse +James, Meredith and Hardy--but to lose + My Reason, trying to make Head or Tail; +The more I read, the more did they confuse. + + +XXVIII + +With them the Germs of Madness did I sow, +And with "Two Magics" sought to make it grow; + Yet this was all the Answer that I found-- +"What it is all about, I do not know!" + + +XXIX + +Into the Library, and _Why_ not knowing, +Nor _What I Want_, I find myself a-going; + And out of it, with Nothing fit to Read-- +Such is the Catalogue's anæmic Showing. + + +XXX + +What, without asking, to be hypnotized +Into a Sale of Stevenson disguised? + Oh, many a page of Bernard Shaw's last Play +Must drown the thought of Novels Dramatized! + + +XXXI + +Up from the Country, into gay Broadway +I came, and bought a Scribner's, yesterday, + And many a Tale I read and understood, +But not the master-tale of Kipling's "They." + + +XXXII + +There was a Plot to which I found no Key; +And Others seem to be as Dull as Me; + Some little talk there was of Ghosts, and Such, +Then Mrs. Bathurst left me more at Sea! + + +XXXIII + +Kim could not answer--Sherlock Holmes would fail-- +The most enlightened Browningite turn pale + In futile Wonder and in blank Dismay; +Say, is there ANY Meaning to that Tale? + + +XXXIV + +Then of the Critic, he who works behind +The Author's back, I tried the Clue to find; + But he, too, was in Darkness; and I heard +A Literary Agent say--"THEY ALL ARE BLIND!" + + +XXXV + +Then, from the lips of Editor, I learn, +"This Story is the Kind for which I Yearn; + Its Advertising brought us such Renown, +We jumped Three Hundred Thousand, on that Turn!" + + +XXXVI + +I think the man exaggerated some +His increased Circulation,--but, I vum! + If I could get Two Thousand for one Tale, +I'd write him Something that would simply Hum! + + +XXXVII + +For I remember, shopping by the way, +I saw a Novel writ by Bertha Clay; + And there was scrawled across its Title-Page, +"This is the Stuff that Sells--so People say!" + + +XXXVIII + +Listen--a moment listen!--Of the same +Wood-pulp on which is printed Hewlett's Name, + The "Duchess" Books are made--in fifty years +They both will rot asunder--who's to Blame?" + + +XXXIX + +And not a Book that from our Shelves we throw +To the Salvation Army, but shall go + To vitiate the Taste of some poor Soul +Who can get nothing else to read--go Slow! + + +XL + +As then the Poet for his morning Sup +Fills with a Metaphor his mental Cup, + Do you devoutly read your Manuscripts +That Someone may, before you burn them up! + + +XLI + +Perplex'd no more with editorial "Nay" +To-morrow's Reputation cast away, + And lose your College Education in +The flippant, foolish Fiction of To-day. + + +XLII + +And if the Bosh you write, the Trash you read, +End in the Garbage Barrel--take no Heed; + Think that you are no worse than other Scribes, +Who scribble Stuff to meet the Public Need. + + +XLIII + +So, when WHO'S-WHO records your silly Name, +You'll think that you have found the Road to Fame; + And though ten thousand other Names are there, +You'll fancy you're a Genius, just the Same! + + +XLIV + +Why, if an Author can fling Art aside, +And in a Book of Balderdash take Pride, + Wer't not a Shame--wer't not a Shame for him +A Conscientious Novel to have tried? + + +XLV + +Writing's a Trade where Newspapers pay best; +LeGallienne this Verity confess'd; + So join the Union, like the rest of us-- +Who strikes for Art is looked at as a Jest. + + +XLVI + +And fear not, if the Editor refuse +Your work, he has no more from which to choose; + The Literary Microbe shall bring forth +Millions of Manuscripts too bad to use. + + +XLVII + +When Fitch's Comedies have all gone past, +Oh, the long Time Pinero's plays shall last, + Which of Belasco's little Triumphs heed +As Frohman's Self should heed a Bowery Cast! + + +XLVIII + +A Moment's Halt--Pray see this charming, chaste +Ladies' Home Journal--"On the New Shirt Waist"-- + "Advice to Girls," and so forth--here is reach'd +The Nothing women yearn for, undebased! + + +XLIX + +Would you a hurried Lunch Hour wish to spend +About THE SECRET--hearken to me, Friend! + The Editors themselves must guess their Way-- +And on their Wives' and Sisters' Hints depend! + + +L + +A Hair perhaps divides the Good from Bad; +And Bok himself a Lot of Trouble had + Before he found Stenographers were Wise-- +Then, as they laughed or wept, his Soul was glad. + + +LI + +The Woman's Touch runs through our Magazines; +For her the Home-and-Mother Tale, and Scenes + Of Love-and-Action, Happy at the End-- +The same old Plots, the same old Ways and Means. + + +LII + +The Theme once guess'd, the Tale's as good as told, +Though Dialect and Local Color mould; + This Style will last throughout Eternity, +While Women buy our Books--if Books are sold. + + +LIII + +But if, in spite of this, you build a Plot +Which these immortal Elements has not, + You gaze TO-DAY upon a Slip, which reads: +"The Editor Regrets"--and such-like Rot. + + +LIV + +Waste not your Ink, and don't attempt to use +That Subtle Touch which Editors refuse; + Better be jocund at two cents a word +Than, starving, court an ill-requited Muse! + + +LV + +You know, my Friends, I've done with Purple Cows, +And long to sober Fiction paid my Vows; + Spontaneous Glee is mighty hard to Sell-- +'Twas Carolyn Wells that shot across _my_ Bows. + + +LVI + +For Stuff and Nonsense being in my Line, +As Nonsense modern Fiction I define; + But of the sort that one would care for, I +Can find but Little--and that Little's mine! + + +LVII + +Ah, but this wholesale Satire, you may say, +Makes me pretend to be a Critic--Nay! + Rather be roasted than to roast, say I; +And I have been well roasted, by the way! + + +LVIII + +And lately, in a Studio, a Miss +Sat smiling o'er a Book--and it was this: + "The Pipes of Pan"--she showed it me, and read, +Bidding me pay attention--it was Bliss! + + +LIX + +Bliss Carman, who with genius absolute, +My poor satiric Logic can confute; + The only Poet who, in modern Days, +His Poems can to clinking Gold transmute! + + +LX + +The vagrant Singer, how does he, good Lord, +Compete with such a money-making Horde + Of tinsel rhymesters that infest the Shops? +They say he makes enough to pay his Board! + + +LXI + +Why, be our Talent truly Art, how dare +Refuse our Lucubrations everywhere? + And if it's Rot, as our Rejections hint, +God knows the things they print are Rot, for Fair! + + +LXII + +I must abjure Dramatic Force, I must +Take the Sub-Editor's decree on Trust, + Or, lured by hope of selling something Good, +Write out my Heart--then burn it in Disgust! + + +LXIII + +Oh, threats of Failure, hopes of Royalties! +One thing at least I've sold--these Parodies; + One thing is certain, Satire always sells; +The Roast is read, no matter where it is. + + +LXIV + +Strange, is it not? that of the Authors who +Publish in England, such a mighty Few + Make a Success, though here they score a Hit? +The British Public knows a Thing or Two! + + +LXV + +By Revelations of the Past we've learn'd +The Yankee Author usually is burn'd; + All of our Story Writers say the Same; +The London Critic all their Books have spurn'd. + + +LXVI + +I sent my Agent where the Buyers dwell, +Some clever Stories of my own to sell: + And by and by the Agent said to me, +"One thing I sold--that's doing Mighty Well!" + + +LXVII + +So Heaven seems tame indeed when I behold +Editions of Five Hundred Thousand sold; + When Clippings show how Critics scorch me, then +Hell's Roasting seems comparatively Cold! + + +LXVIII + +We are no other than a passing Show +Of clumsy Mountebanks that come and go + To please the General Public; now, who gave +To IT the right to judge, I'd like to know? + + +LXIX + +Impotent Writers bound to feed ITS taste +For Literature and Poetry debased; + Hither and thither pandering we strive, +And one by one our Talents are disgraced. + + +LXX + +The Scribe no question makes of Verse or Prose, +But what the Editor demands he shows; + And he who buys three thousand words of Drule, +_He_ knows what People want--you Bet He knows! + + +LXXI + +The facile Scribbler writes; and, having writ, +No Rules of Rhetoric bother him a Bit, + Or lure him back to cancel half a Line, +Nor Grammar's protests change a Word of it. + + +LXXII + +And though you wring your Hands and wonder Why +Such slipshod Work the Magazines will buy, + Don't grumble at the Editor, for he +Must serve the Public, e'en as You and I. + + +LXXIII + +With Puck's first joke, they did the last Life feed, +And there of Judge's Stories sowed the Seed: + And the first jokelet that Joe Miller wrote +The Sunday Comic-Section readers read. + + +LXXIV + +YESTERDAY _This_ Day's popular Song supplants; +TO-MORROW'S will be even worse, perchance: + Drink! For the latest Coon-Song's floating by: +Drink! Now the music is an Indian Dance! + + +LXXV + +I tell you this--When, started from the Goal, +The first Plantation Ditty 'gan to roll + Through Minstrel Troupes and Negro Baritones +In its predestined race from Pole to Pole, + + +LXXVI + +The Song had caught a Rag-Time girls could shout +And Piano-Organs make a Din about; + But syncopated Melodies at last +Will pass away, and more shall come, no doubt. + + +LXXVII + +And this I know: though Vaudeville delight, +Musical Comedy can bore me quite; + One act of Ibsen from the Gallery caught, +Better than Daly for a festal Night! + + +LXXVIII + +What! out of senseless Show-Girls to evoke +A Drama? Surely, I resent the Joke! + For me, it is not Pleasure, but a Pain-- +An Everlasting Bore for decent Folk. + + +LXXIX + +What, must the Theatre Manager be paid-- +Our Gold for what his Carpenter has made-- + Must we pay Stars we never did Contract, +And cannot hiss at?--Oh, the sorry trade! + + +LXXX + +Oh Thou, who dost with cool sarcastic Grin +Scorn the poor Magazine my Story's in, + Though Thou impute to ignorance my Work, +I know how bad 't will be, ere I begin! + + +LXXXI + +Oh Thou, whose Taste demandeth silly Tales, +Damning the Author when he Tries and Fails, + Let us toss up to see which one is Worse-- +Thy Fault or mine--Which is it, Heads or Tails? + + * * * * * + + +LXXXII + +As, for his Luncheon Hour, away had slipp'd +The Editor, his Office-Boy I tipp'd, + And once again before the Sacred Desk +I stood, surrounded by much Manuscript. + + +LXXXIII + +Manuscripts of all Sizes, great and small, +Upon that Desk, in Numbers to appall! + And Some looked very interesting; some +I saw no Sign of Merit in, at all. + + +LXXXIV + +Said one among them--"Surely not in vain +My Author has exhausted all his Brain + In writing me, to be rejected here-- +I'd hate to have to be sent back again!" + + +LXXXV + +Then said a Second--"Ne'er a Girl or Boy +Such Stuff as I am really could enjoy: + Yet He who wrote me, when I am return'd, +Will me with Curse and bitter Wrath destroy!" + + +LXXXVI + +After a literary Silence spake +A Manuscript of Henry James's make; + "They sneer at me for being so occult: +But Kipling's found such Stuff is going to Take!" + + +LXXXVII + +Whereat some one of the typewritten Lot-- +I think it was Cy Brady's--waxing hot-- + "All this of Shop and Patter--Tell me then, +Who buys--Who reads--the Stuff that boils _my_ Pot?" + + +LXXXVIII + +"Why," said another, "Some there are who tell +Of one who threatens he will toss to Hell + The luckless Tales he marr'd in making--Pish! +He's a blamed Fool, Any Old Thing will sell!" + + +LXXXIX + +"Well," murmur'd one, "Let whoso write or buy, +My words with long Oblivion are gone dry: + But bind me new, let Christy illustrate, +Methinks I'd sell at Christmas time; I'll try!" + + +XC + +So while the Manuscripts were wisely speaking, +The Editor came in whom I was seeking: + And then they signall'd to me, "Brother! Brother! +Yours is rejected! You had best be sneaking!" + + * * * * * + + +XCI + +Though Carnegie for Literature provide, +He tombs a Body whence the Life has died, + And no one seems to turn a single leaf +Upon the unfrequented Classic side, + + +XCII + +Unless to see some First Edition rare, +Or curious styles of Binding to compare; + Art's True Believers know their Aldus well, +But of the Author bound, are unaware! + + +XCIII + +Indeed, Rare Books that they have yearn'd for long +Have done their Literary Taste much wrong: + Reprints of Burton will not sell to-day +(I mean the stupid Burton) for a Song! + + +XCIV + +Indeed, such First Editions oft before +I envied, but they proved to be a Bore. + Why, are not Tenth Editions still more rare? +Mine are! Why are they not worth even more? + + +XCV + +And much as Art has play'd the Infidel +And robb'd me of my Royalties--Ah, well, + I often wonder what the Women read +One half as clever as the Stuff I sell! + + +XCVI + +Yet Ah, that Spring should come to bring our Woes! +That Christmas Season's Sales should ever close! + The Book whose praises loud the Critic sang, +Is not the one that sells the most, God knows! + + +XCVII + +Would but these Book Reviewers ever yield +One glimpse--if dimly, yet indeed, reveal'd + Of what the fainting Traveller can read +Worth reading--but the Critic's eyes are seal'd. + + +XCVIII + +Would but some wingèd Angel bring the News +Of Critic who _reads_ Books that he Reviews! + And make the stern Reviewer do as well +Himself, before he Meed of Praise refuse! + + +XCIX + +Ah, Love! could you and I perchance succeed +In boiling down the Million Books we read + Into One Book, and edit that a Bit-- +There'd be a WORLD'S BEST LITERATURE, indeed! + + * * * * * + + +C + +Oh, rising Author, read Me once again +Before my Memory gradually wane! + How oft hereafter you may look for me +In this same Library--and look in vain! + + +CI + +And when, dear Reader, _you_ shall chance to spend +A night within The Hall of Fame--attend! + If, in that blissful call, you find the Spot +Where I broke in--don't turn me down, my friend! + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne, by Gelett Burgess + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE *** + +***** This file should be named 28184-8.txt or 28184-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/1/8/28184/ + +Produced by Geetu Melwani, Dave Morgan, Martin Pettit and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned +images of public domain material from the Google Print +project.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne + +Author: Gelett Burgess + +Release Date: February 25, 2009 [EBook #28184] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE *** + + + + +Produced by Geetu Melwani, Dave Morgan, Martin Pettit and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned +images of public domain material from the Google Print +project.) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="center"><img src="images/cover.jpg" width='414' height='700' alt="cover" /></div> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> + +<h2>THE RUBAIYAT OF</h2> + +<h1>OMAR CAYENNE</h1> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<h3>BY</h3> + +<h2>GELETT BURGESS</h2> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<h3>NEW YORK<br />FREDERICK A STOKES COMPANY<br /><span class="smcap">Publishers</span></h3> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<h4>Copyright, 1904,<br />BY<br /><span class="smcap">Gelett Burgess</span></h4> + +<h4><i>Published December, 1904</i></h4> + +<p class="tbrk"> </p> + +<hr /> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p> + +<h2>THE RUBAIYAT</h2> + +<h2>OF</h2> + +<h1>OMAR CAYENNE</h1> + +<div class="block"> + +<h3>I</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Wake! For the Hack can scatter into flight</div> +<div>Shakespere and Dante in a single Night!</div> +<div class="i1">The Penny-a-liner is Abroad, and strikes</div> +<div>Our Modern Literature with blithering Blight.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>II</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Before Historical Romances died,</div> +<div>Methought a Voice from Art's Olympus cried,</div> +<div class="i1">"When all Dumas and Scott is still for Sale,</div> +<div>Why nod o'er drowsy Tales, by Tyros tried?"</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p> + +<h3>III</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>A cock-sure Crew with Names ne'er heard before</div> +<div>Greedily shouted—"Open then the Door!</div> +<div class="i1">You know how little Stuff is going to live,</div> +<div>But where it came from there is plenty More."</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>IV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Now the New Year reviving old Desires,</div> +<div>The Artist poor to Calendars aspires,</div> +<div class="i1">But of the Stuff the Publisher puts out</div> +<div>Most in the Paper Basket soon suspires.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>V</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Harum indeed is gone, and Lady Rose,</div> +<div>And Janice Meredith, where no one knows;</div> +<div class="i1">But still the Author gushes overtime,</div> +<div>And many a Poet babbles on in Prose.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>VI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Aldrich's lips are lock'd; but people buy</div> +<div>High-piping Authoresses, boomed sky-high.</div> +<div class="i1">"How Fine!"—the Publisher cries to the Mob,</div> +<div>That monumental Cheek to justify.</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> + +<h3>VII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Come, fill the Purse, to Publishers, this Spring,</div> +<div>Your Manuscripts of paltry Passion bring:</div> +<div class="i1">The New York Times has oft a little Way</div> +<div>Of praising—let The Times your praises sing.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>VIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Whether by Century or Doubleday,</div> +<div>Whether Macmillan or the Harpers pay,</div> +<div class="i1">The Publisher prints new books every Year;</div> +<div>The Critics will keep Busy, anyway!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>IX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Each Morn a thousand Volumes brings, you say;</div> +<div>Yes, but who reads the Books of Yesterday?</div> +<div class="i1">And this first Autumn List that brings the New</div> +<div>Shall take The Pit and Mrs. Wiggs away.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>X</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Well, let it take them! What, are we not through</div> +<div>With Richard Calmady and Emmy Lou?</div> +<div class="i1">Let Ade and Dooley guy us as they will,</div> +<div>Or Ella Wheeler Wilcox—heed not you.</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>With me despise this kind of Fiction rude</div> +<div>That just divides the Rotten from the Good,</div> +<div class="i1">Where names of Poe and Dickens are forgot—</div> +<div>And Peace to Thackeray with his giant Brood!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>A Book of Limericks—Nonsense, anyhow—</div> +<div>Alice in Wonderland, the Purple Cow</div> +<div class="i1">Beside me singing on Fifth Avenue—</div> +<div>Ah, this were Modern Literature enow!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Some for the stories of The World; and some</div> +<div>Sigh for the Boston Transcript till it come;</div> +<div class="i1">Ah, take The Sun, and let The Herald go,</div> +<div>Nor heed the Yellow Journalistic scum!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Look to the blowing Advertiser—"Lo,</div> +<div>Booming's the way," he says, "to make Books go!</div> +<div class="i1">I advertise until I've drained my Purse,</div> +<div>And huge Editions on the Market throw."</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And those who made a Mint off Miss MacLane,</div> +<div>And those who shuddered at her Jests profane,</div> +<div class="i1">Alike consigned her to Oblivion,</div> +<div>And buried once, would not dig up again.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Anthony Hope men set their hearts upon—</div> +<div>Like Conan Doyle he prospered; and anon,</div> +<div class="i1">Remained unopened on the dusty Shelf,</div> +<div>Delighting us an Hour—and then was gone.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Think, in this gaudy monthly Magazine</div> +<div>Whose Covers are Soapette and Breakfastine,</div> +<div class="i1">How Author after Author with his Tale</div> +<div>Fills his fool Pages, and no more is seen.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>They say that now Miss Myra Kelly reaps</div> +<div>Rewards that Howells used to have for Keeps:</div> +<div class="i1">And Seton, that great Hunter of Wild Beasts</div> +<div>Has Coin ahead; Cash comes to him in Heaps!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>I sometimes think that never Prose is read</div> +<div>So good as that by Advertising bred,</div> +<div class="i1">And every Verse Sapolian poets sing</div> +<div>Brings laurel wreaths once twin'd for Spenser's head.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And this audacious Author, young and green</div> +<div>In Smart Set—surely you know whom I mean—</div> +<div class="i1">Ah, look upon him lightly! for who knows</div> +<div>But once in Lippincott's he wrote unseen!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Ah, my Belovèd, write the Book that clears</div> +<div><span class="smcap">To-day</span> of dreary Debt and sad Arrears;</div> +<div class="i1"><i>To-morrow!</i>—Why, To-morrow I may see</div> +<div>My Nonsense popular as Edward Lear's.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>For some we've read, the month's Six Selling Best</div> +<div>The Bookman scored with elephantine Jest,</div> +<div class="i1">Have sold a half a Million in a Year,</div> +<div>Yet no one ever heard of them, out West!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XXIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And we, that now within the Editor's Room</div> +<div>Make merry while we have our little Boom,</div> +<div class="i1">Ourselves must we give way to next month's Set—</div> +<div>Girls with Three Names, who know not Who from Whom!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Ah, make the most of what we yet may do,</div> +<div>Before our Royalties have vanish'd, too,</div> +<div class="i1">Book after Book, and under Book to lie,</div> +<div>Sans Page, sans Cover, Reader—or Review!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Alike for those who for <span class="smcap">To-day</span> have Shame,</div> +<div>And those who strive for some <span class="smcap">To-morrow's</span> Fame,</div> +<div class="i1">A Critic from anonymous Darkness cries,</div> +<div>"Fools, your Reward will fool you, just the Same!"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Why, e'en Marie Corelli, who discuss'd</div> +<div>Of the Two Worlds so learnedly, is thrust</div> +<div class="i1">Like Elbert Hubbard forth; her Words to Scorn</div> +<div>Are scatter'd, and her Books by Critics cussed.</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XXVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Myself when young did eagerly peruse</div> +<div>James, Meredith and Hardy—but to lose</div> +<div class="i1">My Reason, trying to make Head or Tail;</div> +<div>The more I read, the more did they confuse.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>With them the Germs of Madness did I sow,</div> +<div>And with "Two Magics" sought to make it grow;</div> +<div class="i1">Yet this was all the Answer that I found—</div> +<div>"What it is all about, I do not know!"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Into the Library, and <i>Why</i> not knowing,</div> +<div>Nor <i>What I Want</i>, I find myself a-going;</div> +<div class="i1">And out of it, with Nothing fit to Read—</div> +<div>Such is the Catalogue's anæmic Showing.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>What, without asking, to be hypnotized</div> +<div>Into a Sale of Stevenson disguised?</div> +<div class="i1">Oh, many a page of Bernard Shaw's last Play</div> +<div>Must drown the thought of Novels Dramatized!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XXXI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Up from the Country, into gay Broadway</div> +<div>I came, and bought a Scribner's, yesterday,</div> +<div class="i1">And many a Tale I read and understood,</div> +<div>But not the master-tale of Kipling's "They."</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXXII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>There was a Plot to which I found no Key;</div> +<div>And Others seem to be as Dull as Me;</div> +<div class="i1">Some little talk there was of Ghosts, and Such,</div> +<div>Then Mrs. Bathurst left me more at Sea!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXXIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Kim could not answer—Sherlock Holmes would fail—</div> +<div>The most enlightened Browningite turn pale</div> +<div class="i1">In futile Wonder and in blank Dismay;</div> +<div>Say, is there ANY Meaning to that Tale?</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXXIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Then of the Critic, he who works behind</div> +<div>The Author's back, I tried the Clue to find;</div> +<div class="i1">But he, too, was in Darkness; and I heard</div> +<div>A Literary Agent say—"<span class="smcap">They All are Blind</span>!"</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XXXV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Then, from the lips of Editor, I learn,</div> +<div>"This Story is the Kind for which I Yearn;</div> +<div class="i1">Its Advertising brought us such Renown,</div> +<div>We jumped Three Hundred Thousand, on that Turn!"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXXVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>I think the man exaggerated some</div> +<div>His increased Circulation,—but, I vum!</div> +<div class="i1">If I could get Two Thousand for one Tale,</div> +<div>I'd write him Something that would simply Hum!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXXVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>For I remember, shopping by the way,</div> +<div>I saw a Novel writ by Bertha Clay;</div> +<div class="i1">And there was scrawled across its Title-Page,</div> +<div>"This is the Stuff that Sells—so People say!"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XXXVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Listen—a moment listen!—Of the same</div> +<div>Wood-pulp on which is printed Hewlett's Name,</div> +<div class="i1">The "Duchess" Books are made—in fifty years</div> +<div>They both will rot asunder—who's to Blame?"</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XXXIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And not a Book that from our Shelves we throw</div> +<div>To the Salvation Army, but shall go</div> +<div class="i1">To vitiate the Taste of some poor Soul</div> +<div>Who can get nothing else to read—go Slow!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XL</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>As then the Poet for his morning Sup</div> +<div>Fills with a Metaphor his mental Cup,</div> +<div class="i1">Do you devoutly read your Manuscripts</div> +<div>That Someone may, before you burn them up!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XLI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Perplex'd no more with editorial "Nay"</div> +<div>To-morrow's Reputation cast away,</div> +<div class="i1">And lose your College Education in</div> +<div>The flippant, foolish Fiction of To-day.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XLII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And if the Bosh you write, the Trash you read,</div> +<div>End in the Garbage Barrel—take no Heed;</div> +<div class="i1">Think that you are no worse than other Scribes,</div> +<div>Who scribble Stuff to meet the Public Need.</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XLIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>So, when <span class="smcap">Who's-Who</span> records your silly Name,</div> +<div>You'll think that you have found the Road to Fame;</div> +<div class="i1">And though ten thousand other Names are there,</div> +<div>You'll fancy you're a Genius, just the Same!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XLIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Why, if an Author can fling Art aside,</div> +<div>And in a Book of Balderdash take Pride,</div> +<div class="i1">Wer't not a Shame—wer't not a Shame for him</div> +<div>A Conscientious Novel to have tried?</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XLV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Writing's a Trade where Newspapers pay best;</div> +<div>LeGallienne this Verity confess'd;</div> +<div class="i1">So join the Union, like the rest of us—</div> +<div>Who strikes for Art is looked at as a Jest.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XLVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And fear not, if the Editor refuse</div> +<div>Your work, he has no more from which to choose;</div> +<div class="i1">The Literary Microbe shall bring forth</div> +<div>Millions of Manuscripts too bad to use.</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XLVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>When Fitch's Comedies have all gone past,</div> +<div>Oh, the long Time Pinero's plays shall last,</div> +<div class="i1">Which of Belasco's little Triumphs heed</div> +<div>As Frohman's Self should heed a Bowery Cast!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XLVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>A Moment's Halt—Pray see this charming, chaste</div> +<div>Ladies' Home Journal—"On the New Shirt Waist"—</div> +<div class="i1">"Advice to Girls," and so forth—here is reach'd</div> +<div>The Nothing women yearn for, undebased!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XLIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Would you a hurried Lunch Hour wish to spend</div> +<div>About <span class="smaller">THE SECRET</span>—hearken to me, Friend!</div> +<div class="i1">The Editors themselves must guess their Way—</div> +<div>And on their Wives' and Sisters' Hints depend!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>L</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>A Hair perhaps divides the Good from Bad;</div> +<div>And Bok himself a Lot of Trouble had</div> +<div class="i1">Before he found Stenographers were Wise—</div> +<div>Then, as they laughed or wept, his Soul was glad.</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>The Woman's Touch runs through our Magazines;</div> +<div>For her the Home-and-Mother Tale, and Scenes</div> +<div class="i1">Of Love-and-Action, Happy at the End—</div> +<div>The same old Plots, the same old Ways and Means.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>The Theme once guess'd, the Tale's as good as told,</div> +<div>Though Dialect and Local Color mould;</div> +<div class="i1">This Style will last throughout Eternity,</div> +<div>While Women buy our Books—if Books are sold.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>But if, in spite of this, you build a Plot</div> +<div>Which these immortal Elements has not,</div> +<div class="i1">You gaze <span class="smcap">To-day</span> upon a Slip, which reads:</div> +<div>"The Editor Regrets"—and such-like Rot.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Waste not your Ink, and don't attempt to use</div> +<div>That Subtle Touch which Editors refuse;</div> +<div class="i1">Better be jocund at two cents a word</div> +<div>Than, starving, court an ill-requited Muse!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>You know, my Friends, I've done with Purple Cows,</div> +<div>And long to sober Fiction paid my Vows;</div> +<div class="i1">Spontaneous Glee is mighty hard to Sell—</div> +<div>'Twas Carolyn Wells that shot across <i>my</i> Bows.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>For Stuff and Nonsense being in my Line,</div> +<div>As Nonsense modern Fiction I define;</div> +<div class="i1">But of the sort that one would care for, I</div> +<div>Can find but Little—and that Little's mine!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Ah, but this wholesale Satire, you may say,</div> +<div>Makes me pretend to be a Critic—Nay!</div> +<div class="i1">Rather be roasted than to roast, say I;</div> +<div>And I have been well roasted, by the way!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And lately, in a Studio, a Miss</div> +<div>Sat smiling o'er a Book—and it was this:</div> +<div class="i1">"The Pipes of Pan"—she showed it me, and read,</div> +<div>Bidding me pay attention—it was Bliss!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Bliss Carman, who with genius absolute,</div> +<div>My poor satiric Logic can confute;</div> +<div class="i1">The only Poet who, in modern Days,</div> +<div>His Poems can to clinking Gold transmute!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>The vagrant Singer, how does he, good Lord,</div> +<div>Compete with such a money-making Horde</div> +<div class="i1">Of tinsel rhymesters that infest the Shops?</div> +<div>They say he makes enough to pay his Board!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Why, be our Talent truly Art, how dare</div> +<div>Refuse our Lucubrations everywhere?</div> +<div class="i1">And if it's Rot, as our Rejections hint,</div> +<div>God knows the things they print are Rot, for Fair!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>I must abjure Dramatic Force, I must</div> +<div>Take the Sub-Editor's decree on Trust,</div> +<div class="i1">Or, lured by hope of selling something Good,</div> +<div>Write out my Heart—then burn it in Disgust!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LXIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Oh, threats of Failure, hopes of Royalties!</div> +<div>One thing at least I've sold—these Parodies;</div> +<div class="i1">One thing is certain, Satire always sells;</div> +<div>The Roast is read, no matter where it is.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Strange, is it not? that of the Authors who</div> +<div>Publish in England, such a mighty Few</div> +<div class="i1">Make a Success, though here they score a Hit?</div> +<div>The British Public knows a Thing or Two!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>By Revelations of the Past we've learn'd</div> +<div>The Yankee Author usually is burn'd;</div> +<div class="i1">All of our Story Writers say the Same;</div> +<div>The London Critic all their Books have spurn'd.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>I sent my Agent where the Buyers dwell,</div> +<div>Some clever Stories of my own to sell:</div> +<div class="i1">And by and by the Agent said to me,</div> +<div>"One thing I sold—that's doing Mighty Well!"</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LXVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>So Heaven seems tame indeed when I behold</div> +<div>Editions of Five Hundred Thousand sold;</div> +<div class="i1">When Clippings show how Critics scorch me, then</div> +<div>Hell's Roasting seems comparatively Cold!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>We are no other than a passing Show</div> +<div>Of clumsy Mountebanks that come and go</div> +<div class="i1">To please the General Public; now, who gave</div> +<div>To IT the right to judge, I'd like to know?</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Impotent Writers bound to feed ITS taste</div> +<div>For Literature and Poetry debased;</div> +<div class="i1">Hither and thither pandering we strive,</div> +<div>And one by one our Talents are disgraced.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>The Scribe no question makes of Verse or Prose,</div> +<div>But what the Editor demands he shows;</div> +<div class="i1">And he who buys three thousand words of Drule,</div> +<div><i>He</i> knows what People want—you Bet He knows!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LXXI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>The facile Scribbler writes; and, having writ,</div> +<div>No Rules of Rhetoric bother him a Bit,</div> +<div class="i1">Or lure him back to cancel half a Line,</div> +<div>Nor Grammar's protests change a Word of it.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And though you wring your Hands and wonder Why</div> +<div>Such slipshod Work the Magazines will buy,</div> +<div class="i1">Don't grumble at the Editor, for he</div> +<div>Must serve the Public, e'en as You and I.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>With Puck's first joke, they did the last Life feed,</div> +<div>And there of Judge's Stories sowed the Seed:</div> +<div class="i1">And the first jokelet that Joe Miller wrote</div> +<div>The Sunday Comic-Section readers read.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div><span class="smcap">Yesterday</span> <i>This</i> Day's popular Song supplants;</div> +<div><span class="smcap">To-morrow's</span> will be even worse, perchance:</div> +<div class="i1">Drink! For the latest Coon-Song's floating by:</div> +<div>Drink! Now the music is an Indian Dance!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LXXV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>I tell you this—When, started from the Goal,</div> +<div>The first Plantation Ditty 'gan to roll</div> +<div class="i1">Through Minstrel Troupes and Negro Baritones</div> +<div>In its predestined race from Pole to Pole,</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>The Song had caught a Rag-Time girls could shout</div> +<div>And Piano-Organs make a Din about;</div> +<div class="i1">But syncopated Melodies at last</div> +<div>Will pass away, and more shall come, no doubt.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And this I know: though Vaudeville delight,</div> +<div>Musical Comedy can bore me quite;</div> +<div class="i1">One act of Ibsen from the Gallery caught,</div> +<div>Better than Daly for a festal Night!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>What! out of senseless Show-Girls to evoke</div> +<div>A Drama? Surely, I resent the Joke!</div> +<div class="i1">For me, it is not Pleasure, but a Pain—</div> +<div>An Everlasting Bore for decent Folk.</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LXXIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>What, must the Theatre Manager be paid—</div> +<div>Our Gold for what his Carpenter has made—</div> +<div class="i1">Must we pay Stars we never did Contract,</div> +<div>And cannot hiss at?—Oh, the sorry trade!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Oh Thou, who dost with cool sarcastic Grin</div> +<div>Scorn the poor Magazine my Story's in,</div> +<div class="i1">Though Thou impute to ignorance my Work,</div> +<div>I know how bad 't will be, ere I begin!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXXI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Oh Thou, whose Taste demandeth silly Tales,</div> +<div>Damning the Author when he Tries and Fails,</div> +<div class="i1">Let us toss up to see which one is Worse—</div> +<div>Thy Fault or mine—Which is it, Heads or Tails?</div> +</div></div> + +<p class="center">* * * * *</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LXXXII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>As, for his Luncheon Hour, away had slipp'd</div> +<div>The Editor, his Office-Boy I tipp'd,</div> +<div class="i1">And once again before the Sacred Desk</div> +<div>I stood, surrounded by much Manuscript.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXXIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Manuscripts of all Sizes, great and small,</div> +<div>Upon that Desk, in Numbers to appall!</div> +<div class="i1">And Some looked very interesting; some</div> +<div>I saw no Sign of Merit in, at all.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXXIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Said one among them—"Surely not in vain</div> +<div>My Author has exhausted all his Brain</div> +<div class="i1">In writing me, to be rejected here—</div> +<div>I'd hate to have to be sent back again!"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXXV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Then said a Second—"Ne'er a Girl or Boy</div> +<div>Such Stuff as I am really could enjoy:</div> +<div class="i1">Yet He who wrote me, when I am return'd,</div> +<div>Will me with Curse and bitter Wrath destroy!"</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> + +<h3>LXXXVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>After a literary Silence spake</div> +<div>A Manuscript of Henry James's make;</div> +<div class="i1">"They sneer at me for being so occult:</div> +<div>But Kipling's found such Stuff is going to Take!"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXXVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Whereat some one of the typewritten Lot—</div> +<div>I think it was Cy Brady's—waxing hot—</div> +<div class="i1">"All this of Shop and Patter—Tell me then,</div> +<div>Who buys—Who reads—the Stuff that boils <i>my</i> Pot?"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXXVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>"Why," said another, "Some there are who tell</div> +<div>Of one who threatens he will toss to Hell</div> +<div class="i1">The luckless Tales he marr'd in making—Pish!</div> +<div>He's a blamed Fool, Any Old Thing will sell!"</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>LXXXIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>"Well," murmur'd one, "Let whoso write or buy,</div> +<div>My words with long Oblivion are gone dry:</div> +<div class="i1">But bind me new, let Christy illustrate,</div> +<div>Methinks I'd sell at Christmas time; I'll try!"</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XC</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>So while the Manuscripts were wisely speaking,</div> +<div>The Editor came in whom I was seeking:</div> +<div class="i1">And then they signall'd to me, "Brother! Brother!</div> +<div>Yours is rejected! You had best be sneaking!"</div> +</div></div> + +<p class="center">* * * * *</p> + +<h3>XCI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Though Carnegie for Literature provide,</div> +<div>He tombs a Body whence the Life has died,</div> +<div class="i1">And no one seems to turn a single leaf</div> +<div>Upon the unfrequented Classic side,</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XCII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Unless to see some First Edition rare,</div> +<div>Or curious styles of Binding to compare;</div> +<div class="i1">Art's True Believers know their Aldus well,</div> +<div>But of the Author bound, are unaware!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XCIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Indeed, Rare Books that they have yearn'd for long</div> +<div>Have done their Literary Taste much wrong:</div> +<div class="i1">Reprints of Burton will not sell to-day</div> +<div>(I mean the stupid Burton) for a Song!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XCIV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Indeed, such First Editions oft before</div> +<div>I envied, but they proved to be a Bore.</div> +<div class="i1">Why, are not Tenth Editions still more rare?</div> +<div>Mine are! Why are they not worth even more?</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XCV</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And much as Art has play'd the Infidel</div> +<div>And robb'd me of my Royalties—Ah, well,</div> +<div class="i1">I often wonder what the Women read</div> +<div>One half as clever as the Stuff I sell!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XCVI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Yet Ah, that Spring should come to bring our Woes!</div> +<div>That Christmas Season's Sales should ever close!</div> +<div class="i1">The Book whose praises loud the Critic sang,</div> +<div>Is not the one that sells the most, God knows!</div> +</div></div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> + +<h3>XCVII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Would but these Book Reviewers ever yield</div> +<div>One glimpse—if dimly, yet indeed, reveal'd</div> +<div class="i1">Of what the fainting Traveller can read</div> +<div>Worth reading—but the Critic's eyes are seal'd.</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XCVIII</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Would but some wingèd Angel bring the News</div> +<div>Of Critic who <i>reads</i> Books that he Reviews!</div> +<div class="i1">And make the stern Reviewer do as well</div> +<div>Himself, before he Meed of Praise refuse!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>XCIX</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Ah, Love! could you and I perchance succeed</div> +<div>In boiling down the Million Books we read</div> +<div class="i1">Into One Book, and edit that a Bit—</div> +<div>There'd be a <span class="smcap">World's Best Literature</span>, indeed!</div> +</div></div> + +<p class="center">* * * * *</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p> + +<h3>C</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>Oh, rising Author, read Me once again</div> +<div>Before my Memory gradually wane!</div> +<div class="i1">How oft hereafter you may look for me</div> +<div>In this same Library—and look in vain!</div> +</div></div> + +<h3>CI</h3> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<div>And when, dear Reader, <i>you</i> shall chance to spend</div> +<div>A night within The Hall of Fame—attend!</div> +<div class="i1">If, in that blissful call, you find the Spot</div> +<div>Where I broke in—don't turn me down, my friend!</div> +</div></div> + +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne, by Gelett Burgess + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE *** + +***** This file should be named 28184-h.htm or 28184-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/1/8/28184/ + +Produced by Geetu Melwani, Dave Morgan, Martin Pettit and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned +images of public domain material from the Google Print +project.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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0000000..f2129e6 --- /dev/null +++ b/28184-page-images/p029.png diff --git a/28184-page-images/p030.png b/28184-page-images/p030.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e8a49de --- /dev/null +++ b/28184-page-images/p030.png diff --git a/28184-page-images/p031.png b/28184-page-images/p031.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c722845 --- /dev/null +++ b/28184-page-images/p031.png diff --git a/28184.txt b/28184.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8f8bbf6 --- /dev/null +++ b/28184.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1240 @@ +Project Gutenberg's The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne, by Gelett Burgess + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne + +Author: Gelett Burgess + +Release Date: February 25, 2009 [EBook #28184] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE *** + + + + +Produced by Geetu Melwani, Dave Morgan, Martin Pettit and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned +images of public domain material from the Google Print +project.) + + + + + + +THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE + +BY + +GELETT BURGESS + +NEW YORK +FREDERICK A STOKES COMPANY +PUBLISHERS + + +Copyright, 1904, +BY +GELETT BURGESS + +_Published December, 1904_ + + + + +THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE + + +I + +Wake! For the Hack can scatter into flight +Shakespere and Dante in a single Night! + The Penny-a-liner is Abroad, and strikes +Our Modern Literature with blithering Blight. + + +II + +Before Historical Romances died, +Methought a Voice from Art's Olympus cried, + "When all Dumas and Scott is still for Sale, +Why nod o'er drowsy Tales, by Tyros tried?" + + +III + +A cock-sure Crew with Names ne'er heard before +Greedily shouted--"Open then the Door! + You know how little Stuff is going to live, +But where it came from there is plenty More." + + +IV + +Now the New Year reviving old Desires, +The Artist poor to Calendars aspires, + But of the Stuff the Publisher puts out +Most in the Paper Basket soon suspires. + + +V + +Harum indeed is gone, and Lady Rose, +And Janice Meredith, where no one knows; + But still the Author gushes overtime, +And many a Poet babbles on in Prose. + + +VI + +Aldrich's lips are lock'd; but people buy +High-piping Authoresses, boomed sky-high. + "How Fine!"--the Publisher cries to the Mob, +That monumental Cheek to justify. + + +VII + +Come, fill the Purse, to Publishers, this Spring, +Your Manuscripts of paltry Passion bring: + The New York Times has oft a little Way +Of praising--let The Times your praises sing. + + +VIII + +Whether by Century or Doubleday, +Whether Macmillan or the Harpers pay, + The Publisher prints new books every Year; +The Critics will keep Busy, anyway! + + +IX + +Each Morn a thousand Volumes brings, you say; +Yes, but who reads the Books of Yesterday? + And this first Autumn List that brings the New +Shall take The Pit and Mrs. Wiggs away. + + +X + +Well, let it take them! What, are we not through +With Richard Calmady and Emmy Lou? + Let Ade and Dooley guy us as they will, +Or Ella Wheeler Wilcox--heed not you. + + +XI + +With me despise this kind of Fiction rude +That just divides the Rotten from the Good, + Where names of Poe and Dickens are forgot-- +And Peace to Thackeray with his giant Brood! + + +XII + +A Book of Limericks--Nonsense, anyhow-- +Alice in Wonderland, the Purple Cow + Beside me singing on Fifth Avenue-- +Ah, this were Modern Literature enow! + + +XIII + +Some for the stories of The World; and some +Sigh for the Boston Transcript till it come; + Ah, take The Sun, and let The Herald go, +Nor heed the Yellow Journalistic scum! + + +XIV + +Look to the blowing Advertiser--"Lo, +Booming's the way," he says, "to make Books go! + I advertise until I've drained my Purse, +And huge Editions on the Market throw." + + +XV + +And those who made a Mint off Miss MacLane, +And those who shuddered at her Jests profane, + Alike consigned her to Oblivion, +And buried once, would not dig up again. + + +XVI + +Anthony Hope men set their hearts upon-- +Like Conan Doyle he prospered; and anon, + Remained unopened on the dusty Shelf, +Delighting us an Hour--and then was gone. + + +XVII + +Think, in this gaudy monthly Magazine +Whose Covers are Soapette and Breakfastine, + How Author after Author with his Tale +Fills his fool Pages, and no more is seen. + + +XVIII + +They say that now Miss Myra Kelly reaps +Rewards that Howells used to have for Keeps: + And Seton, that great Hunter of Wild Beasts +Has Coin ahead; Cash comes to him in Heaps! + + +XIX + +I sometimes think that never Prose is read +So good as that by Advertising bred, + And every Verse Sapolian poets sing +Brings laurel wreaths once twin'd for Spenser's head. + + +XX + +And this audacious Author, young and green +In Smart Set--surely you know whom I mean-- + Ah, look upon him lightly! for who knows +But once in Lippincott's he wrote unseen! + + +XXI + +Ah, my Beloved, write the Book that clears +TO-DAY of dreary Debt and sad Arrears; + _To-morrow!_--Why, To-morrow I may see +My Nonsense popular as Edward Lear's. + + +XXII + +For some we've read, the month's Six Selling Best +The Bookman scored with elephantine Jest, + Have sold a half a Million in a Year, +Yet no one ever heard of them, out West! + + +XXIII + +And we, that now within the Editor's Room +Make merry while we have our little Boom, + Ourselves must we give way to next month's Set-- +Girls with Three Names, who know not Who from Whom! + + +XXIV + +Ah, make the most of what we yet may do, +Before our Royalties have vanish'd, too, + Book after Book, and under Book to lie, +Sans Page, sans Cover, Reader--or Review! + + +XXV + +Alike for those who for TO-DAY have Shame, +And those who strive for some TO-MORROW'S Fame, + A Critic from anonymous Darkness cries, +"Fools, your Reward will fool you, just the Same!" + + +XXVI + +Why, e'en Marie Corelli, who discuss'd +Of the Two Worlds so learnedly, is thrust + Like Elbert Hubbard forth; her Words to Scorn +Are scatter'd, and her Books by Critics cussed. + + +XXVII + +Myself when young did eagerly peruse +James, Meredith and Hardy--but to lose + My Reason, trying to make Head or Tail; +The more I read, the more did they confuse. + + +XXVIII + +With them the Germs of Madness did I sow, +And with "Two Magics" sought to make it grow; + Yet this was all the Answer that I found-- +"What it is all about, I do not know!" + + +XXIX + +Into the Library, and _Why_ not knowing, +Nor _What I Want_, I find myself a-going; + And out of it, with Nothing fit to Read-- +Such is the Catalogue's anaemic Showing. + + +XXX + +What, without asking, to be hypnotized +Into a Sale of Stevenson disguised? + Oh, many a page of Bernard Shaw's last Play +Must drown the thought of Novels Dramatized! + + +XXXI + +Up from the Country, into gay Broadway +I came, and bought a Scribner's, yesterday, + And many a Tale I read and understood, +But not the master-tale of Kipling's "They." + + +XXXII + +There was a Plot to which I found no Key; +And Others seem to be as Dull as Me; + Some little talk there was of Ghosts, and Such, +Then Mrs. Bathurst left me more at Sea! + + +XXXIII + +Kim could not answer--Sherlock Holmes would fail-- +The most enlightened Browningite turn pale + In futile Wonder and in blank Dismay; +Say, is there ANY Meaning to that Tale? + + +XXXIV + +Then of the Critic, he who works behind +The Author's back, I tried the Clue to find; + But he, too, was in Darkness; and I heard +A Literary Agent say--"THEY ALL ARE BLIND!" + + +XXXV + +Then, from the lips of Editor, I learn, +"This Story is the Kind for which I Yearn; + Its Advertising brought us such Renown, +We jumped Three Hundred Thousand, on that Turn!" + + +XXXVI + +I think the man exaggerated some +His increased Circulation,--but, I vum! + If I could get Two Thousand for one Tale, +I'd write him Something that would simply Hum! + + +XXXVII + +For I remember, shopping by the way, +I saw a Novel writ by Bertha Clay; + And there was scrawled across its Title-Page, +"This is the Stuff that Sells--so People say!" + + +XXXVIII + +Listen--a moment listen!--Of the same +Wood-pulp on which is printed Hewlett's Name, + The "Duchess" Books are made--in fifty years +They both will rot asunder--who's to Blame?" + + +XXXIX + +And not a Book that from our Shelves we throw +To the Salvation Army, but shall go + To vitiate the Taste of some poor Soul +Who can get nothing else to read--go Slow! + + +XL + +As then the Poet for his morning Sup +Fills with a Metaphor his mental Cup, + Do you devoutly read your Manuscripts +That Someone may, before you burn them up! + + +XLI + +Perplex'd no more with editorial "Nay" +To-morrow's Reputation cast away, + And lose your College Education in +The flippant, foolish Fiction of To-day. + + +XLII + +And if the Bosh you write, the Trash you read, +End in the Garbage Barrel--take no Heed; + Think that you are no worse than other Scribes, +Who scribble Stuff to meet the Public Need. + + +XLIII + +So, when WHO'S-WHO records your silly Name, +You'll think that you have found the Road to Fame; + And though ten thousand other Names are there, +You'll fancy you're a Genius, just the Same! + + +XLIV + +Why, if an Author can fling Art aside, +And in a Book of Balderdash take Pride, + Wer't not a Shame--wer't not a Shame for him +A Conscientious Novel to have tried? + + +XLV + +Writing's a Trade where Newspapers pay best; +LeGallienne this Verity confess'd; + So join the Union, like the rest of us-- +Who strikes for Art is looked at as a Jest. + + +XLVI + +And fear not, if the Editor refuse +Your work, he has no more from which to choose; + The Literary Microbe shall bring forth +Millions of Manuscripts too bad to use. + + +XLVII + +When Fitch's Comedies have all gone past, +Oh, the long Time Pinero's plays shall last, + Which of Belasco's little Triumphs heed +As Frohman's Self should heed a Bowery Cast! + + +XLVIII + +A Moment's Halt--Pray see this charming, chaste +Ladies' Home Journal--"On the New Shirt Waist"-- + "Advice to Girls," and so forth--here is reach'd +The Nothing women yearn for, undebased! + + +XLIX + +Would you a hurried Lunch Hour wish to spend +About THE SECRET--hearken to me, Friend! + The Editors themselves must guess their Way-- +And on their Wives' and Sisters' Hints depend! + + +L + +A Hair perhaps divides the Good from Bad; +And Bok himself a Lot of Trouble had + Before he found Stenographers were Wise-- +Then, as they laughed or wept, his Soul was glad. + + +LI + +The Woman's Touch runs through our Magazines; +For her the Home-and-Mother Tale, and Scenes + Of Love-and-Action, Happy at the End-- +The same old Plots, the same old Ways and Means. + + +LII + +The Theme once guess'd, the Tale's as good as told, +Though Dialect and Local Color mould; + This Style will last throughout Eternity, +While Women buy our Books--if Books are sold. + + +LIII + +But if, in spite of this, you build a Plot +Which these immortal Elements has not, + You gaze TO-DAY upon a Slip, which reads: +"The Editor Regrets"--and such-like Rot. + + +LIV + +Waste not your Ink, and don't attempt to use +That Subtle Touch which Editors refuse; + Better be jocund at two cents a word +Than, starving, court an ill-requited Muse! + + +LV + +You know, my Friends, I've done with Purple Cows, +And long to sober Fiction paid my Vows; + Spontaneous Glee is mighty hard to Sell-- +'Twas Carolyn Wells that shot across _my_ Bows. + + +LVI + +For Stuff and Nonsense being in my Line, +As Nonsense modern Fiction I define; + But of the sort that one would care for, I +Can find but Little--and that Little's mine! + + +LVII + +Ah, but this wholesale Satire, you may say, +Makes me pretend to be a Critic--Nay! + Rather be roasted than to roast, say I; +And I have been well roasted, by the way! + + +LVIII + +And lately, in a Studio, a Miss +Sat smiling o'er a Book--and it was this: + "The Pipes of Pan"--she showed it me, and read, +Bidding me pay attention--it was Bliss! + + +LIX + +Bliss Carman, who with genius absolute, +My poor satiric Logic can confute; + The only Poet who, in modern Days, +His Poems can to clinking Gold transmute! + + +LX + +The vagrant Singer, how does he, good Lord, +Compete with such a money-making Horde + Of tinsel rhymesters that infest the Shops? +They say he makes enough to pay his Board! + + +LXI + +Why, be our Talent truly Art, how dare +Refuse our Lucubrations everywhere? + And if it's Rot, as our Rejections hint, +God knows the things they print are Rot, for Fair! + + +LXII + +I must abjure Dramatic Force, I must +Take the Sub-Editor's decree on Trust, + Or, lured by hope of selling something Good, +Write out my Heart--then burn it in Disgust! + + +LXIII + +Oh, threats of Failure, hopes of Royalties! +One thing at least I've sold--these Parodies; + One thing is certain, Satire always sells; +The Roast is read, no matter where it is. + + +LXIV + +Strange, is it not? that of the Authors who +Publish in England, such a mighty Few + Make a Success, though here they score a Hit? +The British Public knows a Thing or Two! + + +LXV + +By Revelations of the Past we've learn'd +The Yankee Author usually is burn'd; + All of our Story Writers say the Same; +The London Critic all their Books have spurn'd. + + +LXVI + +I sent my Agent where the Buyers dwell, +Some clever Stories of my own to sell: + And by and by the Agent said to me, +"One thing I sold--that's doing Mighty Well!" + + +LXVII + +So Heaven seems tame indeed when I behold +Editions of Five Hundred Thousand sold; + When Clippings show how Critics scorch me, then +Hell's Roasting seems comparatively Cold! + + +LXVIII + +We are no other than a passing Show +Of clumsy Mountebanks that come and go + To please the General Public; now, who gave +To IT the right to judge, I'd like to know? + + +LXIX + +Impotent Writers bound to feed ITS taste +For Literature and Poetry debased; + Hither and thither pandering we strive, +And one by one our Talents are disgraced. + + +LXX + +The Scribe no question makes of Verse or Prose, +But what the Editor demands he shows; + And he who buys three thousand words of Drule, +_He_ knows what People want--you Bet He knows! + + +LXXI + +The facile Scribbler writes; and, having writ, +No Rules of Rhetoric bother him a Bit, + Or lure him back to cancel half a Line, +Nor Grammar's protests change a Word of it. + + +LXXII + +And though you wring your Hands and wonder Why +Such slipshod Work the Magazines will buy, + Don't grumble at the Editor, for he +Must serve the Public, e'en as You and I. + + +LXXIII + +With Puck's first joke, they did the last Life feed, +And there of Judge's Stories sowed the Seed: + And the first jokelet that Joe Miller wrote +The Sunday Comic-Section readers read. + + +LXXIV + +YESTERDAY _This_ Day's popular Song supplants; +TO-MORROW'S will be even worse, perchance: + Drink! For the latest Coon-Song's floating by: +Drink! Now the music is an Indian Dance! + + +LXXV + +I tell you this--When, started from the Goal, +The first Plantation Ditty 'gan to roll + Through Minstrel Troupes and Negro Baritones +In its predestined race from Pole to Pole, + + +LXXVI + +The Song had caught a Rag-Time girls could shout +And Piano-Organs make a Din about; + But syncopated Melodies at last +Will pass away, and more shall come, no doubt. + + +LXXVII + +And this I know: though Vaudeville delight, +Musical Comedy can bore me quite; + One act of Ibsen from the Gallery caught, +Better than Daly for a festal Night! + + +LXXVIII + +What! out of senseless Show-Girls to evoke +A Drama? Surely, I resent the Joke! + For me, it is not Pleasure, but a Pain-- +An Everlasting Bore for decent Folk. + + +LXXIX + +What, must the Theatre Manager be paid-- +Our Gold for what his Carpenter has made-- + Must we pay Stars we never did Contract, +And cannot hiss at?--Oh, the sorry trade! + + +LXXX + +Oh Thou, who dost with cool sarcastic Grin +Scorn the poor Magazine my Story's in, + Though Thou impute to ignorance my Work, +I know how bad 't will be, ere I begin! + + +LXXXI + +Oh Thou, whose Taste demandeth silly Tales, +Damning the Author when he Tries and Fails, + Let us toss up to see which one is Worse-- +Thy Fault or mine--Which is it, Heads or Tails? + + * * * * * + + +LXXXII + +As, for his Luncheon Hour, away had slipp'd +The Editor, his Office-Boy I tipp'd, + And once again before the Sacred Desk +I stood, surrounded by much Manuscript. + + +LXXXIII + +Manuscripts of all Sizes, great and small, +Upon that Desk, in Numbers to appall! + And Some looked very interesting; some +I saw no Sign of Merit in, at all. + + +LXXXIV + +Said one among them--"Surely not in vain +My Author has exhausted all his Brain + In writing me, to be rejected here-- +I'd hate to have to be sent back again!" + + +LXXXV + +Then said a Second--"Ne'er a Girl or Boy +Such Stuff as I am really could enjoy: + Yet He who wrote me, when I am return'd, +Will me with Curse and bitter Wrath destroy!" + + +LXXXVI + +After a literary Silence spake +A Manuscript of Henry James's make; + "They sneer at me for being so occult: +But Kipling's found such Stuff is going to Take!" + + +LXXXVII + +Whereat some one of the typewritten Lot-- +I think it was Cy Brady's--waxing hot-- + "All this of Shop and Patter--Tell me then, +Who buys--Who reads--the Stuff that boils _my_ Pot?" + + +LXXXVIII + +"Why," said another, "Some there are who tell +Of one who threatens he will toss to Hell + The luckless Tales he marr'd in making--Pish! +He's a blamed Fool, Any Old Thing will sell!" + + +LXXXIX + +"Well," murmur'd one, "Let whoso write or buy, +My words with long Oblivion are gone dry: + But bind me new, let Christy illustrate, +Methinks I'd sell at Christmas time; I'll try!" + + +XC + +So while the Manuscripts were wisely speaking, +The Editor came in whom I was seeking: + And then they signall'd to me, "Brother! Brother! +Yours is rejected! You had best be sneaking!" + + * * * * * + + +XCI + +Though Carnegie for Literature provide, +He tombs a Body whence the Life has died, + And no one seems to turn a single leaf +Upon the unfrequented Classic side, + + +XCII + +Unless to see some First Edition rare, +Or curious styles of Binding to compare; + Art's True Believers know their Aldus well, +But of the Author bound, are unaware! + + +XCIII + +Indeed, Rare Books that they have yearn'd for long +Have done their Literary Taste much wrong: + Reprints of Burton will not sell to-day +(I mean the stupid Burton) for a Song! + + +XCIV + +Indeed, such First Editions oft before +I envied, but they proved to be a Bore. + Why, are not Tenth Editions still more rare? +Mine are! Why are they not worth even more? + + +XCV + +And much as Art has play'd the Infidel +And robb'd me of my Royalties--Ah, well, + I often wonder what the Women read +One half as clever as the Stuff I sell! + + +XCVI + +Yet Ah, that Spring should come to bring our Woes! +That Christmas Season's Sales should ever close! + The Book whose praises loud the Critic sang, +Is not the one that sells the most, God knows! + + +XCVII + +Would but these Book Reviewers ever yield +One glimpse--if dimly, yet indeed, reveal'd + Of what the fainting Traveller can read +Worth reading--but the Critic's eyes are seal'd. + + +XCVIII + +Would but some winged Angel bring the News +Of Critic who _reads_ Books that he Reviews! + And make the stern Reviewer do as well +Himself, before he Meed of Praise refuse! + + +XCIX + +Ah, Love! could you and I perchance succeed +In boiling down the Million Books we read + Into One Book, and edit that a Bit-- +There'd be a WORLD'S BEST LITERATURE, indeed! + + * * * * * + + +C + +Oh, rising Author, read Me once again +Before my Memory gradually wane! + How oft hereafter you may look for me +In this same Library--and look in vain! + + +CI + +And when, dear Reader, _you_ shall chance to spend +A night within The Hall of Fame--attend! + If, in that blissful call, you find the Spot +Where I broke in--don't turn me down, my friend! + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne, by Gelett Burgess + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE *** + +***** This file should be named 28184.txt or 28184.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/1/8/28184/ + +Produced by Geetu Melwani, Dave Morgan, Martin Pettit and +the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned +images of public domain material from the Google Print +project.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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