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diff --git a/28643.txt b/28643.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..46aa803 --- /dev/null +++ b/28643.txt @@ -0,0 +1,534 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Belly Laugh, by Gordon Randall Garrett + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Belly Laugh + +Author: Gordon Randall Garrett + +Illustrator: Charles Berger + +Release Date: April 30, 2009 [EBook #28643] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BELLY LAUGH *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Illustrator: Charles Berger] + + +BELLY LAUGH + +By IVAR JORGENSEN + + + _You hear a lot of talk these days about secret weapons. If it's not + a new wrinkle in nuclear fission, it's a gun to shoot around corners + and down winding staircases. Or maybe a nice new strain of bacteria + guaranteed to give you radio-active dandruff. Our own suggestion is + to pipe a few of our television commercials into Russia and bore the + enemy to death._ + + _Well, it seems that Ivar Jorgensen has hit on the ultimate engine + of destruction: a weapon designed to exploit man's greatest + weakness. The blueprint can be found in the next few pages; and as + the soldier in the story says, our only hope is to keep a sense of + humor!_ + + +Me? I'm looking for my outfit. Got cut off in that Holland Tunnel +attack. Mind if I sit down with you guys a while? Thanks. Coffee? Damn! +This is heaven. Ain't seen a cup of coffee in a year. + +What? You said it! This sure is a hell of a war. Tough on a guy's feet. +Yeah, that's right. Holland Tunnel skirmish. Where the Ruskies used that +new gun. Uhuh. God! It was awful. Guys popping off all around a guy and +him not knowing why. No sense to it. No noise. No wound. Just popping +off. + +That's the trouble with this war. It won't settle down to a routine. +Always something new. What the hell chance has a guy got to figure +things out? And I tell you them Ruskies are coming up with new weapons +just as fast as we are. Enough to make your hair stand on end. + +Sugar? Christ, yes! Ain't seen sugar for a year. You see, it's like +this: we were bottled up in the pits around the Tunnel for seven damn +days. It was like nothing you ever saw before. Oops--sorry. Didn't mean +to splash you. I was laughing about something that happened there--to a +guy. Maybe you guys would get a kick out of it. After all, we got to +keep our sense of humor. + +You see, there was me and a Kentucky kid named Stillwell in this pit--a +pretty big pit with lots of room--and we were all alone. This Stillwell +was a nice kid--green and lonesome and it's pretty sad, really, but +there's a yak in it, and--as I say--we got to keep a sense of humor. + +Well, this Stillwell--a really green kid--is unhappy and just plain +drooling for his gal back home. He talks about his mother, of course, +and his old man, but it's the girl that's really on his mind as you guys +can plainly understand. + +He's seeing her every place--like spots in front of his eyes--nice spots +doing things to him, when this Ruskie babe shows up. + +My gun came up without any orders from me just as she poked her puss +over the edge of the pit, and--huh? Oh, thank you kindly. It sure tastes +good but I don't want to short you guys. Thank you kindly. + +Well, as I was saying, this Ruskie babe pokes her nose over the edge of +the pit and Stillwell dives and knocks down my gun. He says, "You +son-of-a-bitch!" Just like that. Wild and desperate, like you'd say to a +guy if the guy was just kicking over the last jug of water on a desert +island. + +It would have been long enough for her to kill us if I hadn't had good +reflexes. Even then, all I had time to do was knock the pistol out of +her hand and drag her into the pit. + +With her play bollixed, she was confused and bewildered. She ain't a +fighter, and she sits back against the wall staring at us dead pan with +big expressionless eyes. She's a plenty pretty babe and I could see +exactly what had happened as far as Stillwell was concerned. His spots +had come to life in very adequate form so to speak. + + * * * * * + +Stillwell goes over and sits down beside her and I'm very much on the +alert, because I know where his courage comes from. But I decide it's +all right, because I see the babe is not belligerent, just confused kind +of. And friendly. + +And willing. Kind of a whipped-little-dog willing, and man oh man! She +was sure what Stillwell needed. + +They kind of went together like a hand and a glove--natural-like. And +it followed--pretty natural--that when Stillwell got up and led her +around a wing of the pit, out of sight, she went willing--like that same +little dog. + +Uhuh. No, you guys. Two's enough. I wouldn't rob you. Well, okay, and +thanks kindly. + +Well, there I was, all alone, but happy for Stillwell, cause I know it's +what the kid needs, and in spots like that what difference does it make? +Yank--Ruskie--Mongolian--as long as she's willing. + +Then, you guys, Stillwell comes back out--wall-eyed--real +wall-eyed--like being hit but not knocked out and still walking. I know +what it is--some kind of shock. I get up and walk over and take a look +at the babe where he'd left her--and I bust out laughing. I told you +guys there was a yak in this. I laughed like a fool--it was that funny. +As much as I had time to, before Stillwell cracked. It was enough to +crack him--the little thing that pushes a guy over the edge. + +He lets out a yell and screams, "For crisake! For crisake! Nothing but a +bucket of bolts! Nothing but a couple of plastic lumps--" + +That was when I hit him. I had to. He was for the birds, Stillwell was. +An hour later we got relieved and a couple of medicos carried him away +strapped to a stretcher--gone like a kite. + +They took the robot too, and its clothes, but they forgot the brassiere, +so I took it and I been carrying it ever since, but I'll leave it with +you guys if you want--for the coffee. Might make you think about home. +After all, like the man says, we got to keep our sense of humor. + +Well, so long, you guys--and thanks. + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Amazing Stories_ April-May 1953. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Belly Laugh, by Gordon Randall Garrett + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BELLY LAUGH *** + +***** This file should be named 28643.txt or 28643.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/6/4/28643/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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