diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/feqtr10.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/feqtr10.txt | 19449 |
1 files changed, 0 insertions, 19449 deletions
diff --git a/old/feqtr10.txt b/old/feqtr10.txt deleted file mode 100644 index f980eef..0000000 --- a/old/feqtr10.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,19449 +0,0 @@ -Project Gutenberg Etext of Following the Equator, by Mark Twain -#20 in our series by Mark Twain - -Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check -the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!! - -Please take a look at the important information in this header. -We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an -electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. - -This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book. -Do not change or edit it without written permission. The words -are carefully chosen to provide users with the information they -need about what they can legally do with the texts. - - -**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** - -**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** - -*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* - -Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and -further information is included below. We need your donations. - -Presently, contributions are only being solicited from people in: -Texas, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota, -Iowa, Indiana, and Vermont. As the requirements for other states -are met, additions to this list will be made and fund raising will -begin in the additional states. These donations should be made to: - -Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -PMB 113 -1739 University Ave. -Oxford, MS 38655 - - -Title: Following the Equator - -Author: Mark Twain - -Release Date: November, 2001 [Etext #2895] -[Yes, we are about one year ahead of schedule] - -Edition: 10 - -Project Gutenberg Etext of Following the Equator, by Mark Twain -*****This file should be named feqtr10.txt or feqtr10.zip****** - -Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, feqtr11.txt -VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, feqtr10a.txt - -This etext was prepared by David Widger, <widger@cecomet.net> - -Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions, -all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a -copyright notice is included. Therefore, we usually do NOT keep any -of these books in compliance with any particular paper edition. - -We are now trying to release all our books one year in advance -of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. -Please be encouraged to send us error messages even years after -the official publication date. - -Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till -midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. -The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at -Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A -preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment -and editing by those who wish to do so. - -Most people start at our sites at: -http://gutenberg.net -http://promo.net/pg - - -Those of you who want to download any Etext before announcement -can surf to them as follows, and just download by date; this is -also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the -indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an -announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. - -http://metalab.unc.edu/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext01 -or -ftp://metalab.unc.edu/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext01 - -Or /etext00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 - -Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, -as it appears in our Newsletters. - - -Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) - -We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The -time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours -to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright -searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This -projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value -per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 -million dollars per hour this year as we release fifty new Etext -files per month, or 500 more Etexts in 2000 for a total of 3000+ -If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total -should reach over 300 billion Etexts given away by year's end. - -The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext -Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] -This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, -which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. - -At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third -of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 3,333 Etexts unless we -manage to get some real funding. - -Something is needed to create a future for Project Gutenberg for -the next 100 years. - -We need your donations more than ever! - -Presently, contributions are only being solicited from people in: -Texas, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota, -Iowa, Indiana, and Vermont. As the requirements for other states -are met, additions to this list will be made and fund raising will -begin in the additional states. - -All donations should be made to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation and will be tax deductible to the extent -permitted by law. - -Mail to: - -Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -PMB 113 -1739 University Avenue -Oxford, MS 38655 [USA] - -We are working with the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation to build more stable support and ensure the -future of Project Gutenberg. - -We need your donations more than ever! - -You can get up to date donation information at: - -http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html - - -*** - -You can always email directly to: - -Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> - -hart@pobox.com forwards to hart@prairienet.org and archive.org -if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if -it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . . - -We would prefer to send you this information by email. - - -Example command-line FTP session: - -ftp metalab.unc.edu -login: anonymous -password: your@login -cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg -cd etext90 through etext99 or etext00 through etext01, etc. -dir [to see files] -get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files] -GET GUTINDEX.?? [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99] -GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books] - - -**The Legal Small Print** - - -(Three Pages) - -***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** -Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. -They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with -your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from -someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our -fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement -disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how -you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to. - -*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT -By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm -etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept -this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive -a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by -sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person -you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical -medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. - -ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS -This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etexts, -is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart -through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). -Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright -on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and -distribute it in the United States without permission and -without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth -below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext -under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. - -To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable -efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain -works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any -medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other -things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other -intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged -disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer -codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. - -LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES -But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, -[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this -etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including -legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR -UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, -INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE -OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE -POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. - -If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of -receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) -you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that -time to the person you received it from. If you received it -on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and -such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement -copy. If you received it electronically, such person may -choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to -receive it electronically. - -THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS -TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT -LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A -PARTICULAR PURPOSE. - -Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or -the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the -above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you -may have other legal rights. - -INDEMNITY -You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors, -officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost -and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or -indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: -[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification, -or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect. - -DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" -You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by -disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this -"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, -or: - -[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this - requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the - etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, - if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable - binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, - including any form resulting from conversion by word - processing or hypertext software, but only so long as - *EITHER*: - - [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and - does *not* contain characters other than those - intended by the author of the work, although tilde - (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may - be used to convey punctuation intended by the - author, and additional characters may be used to - indicate hypertext links; OR - - [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at - no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent - form by the program that displays the etext (as is - the case, for instance, with most word processors); - OR - - [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at - no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the - etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC - or other equivalent proprietary form). - -[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this - "Small Print!" statement. - -[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the - gross profits you derive calculated using the method you - already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you - don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are - payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" - the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were - legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent - periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to - let us know your plans and to work out the details. - -WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? -The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, -public domain etexts, and royalty free copyright licenses. -If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or -software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: -hart@pobox.com - -*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.07.00*END* - - - - - -This etext was prepared by David Widger, <widger@cecomet.net> - - - - - -FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR, A JOURNEY AROUND THE WORLD - -by MARK TWAIN -[SAMUEL L. CLEMENS] - - - - -THIS BOOK -Is affectionately inscribed to -MY YOUNG FRIEND -HARRY ROGERS -WITH RECOGNITION -OF WHAT HE IS, AND APPREHENSION OF WHAT HE MAY BECOME -UNLESS HE FORM HIMSELF A LITTLE MORE CLOSELY -UPON THE MODEL OF -THE AUTHOR. - - - - -THE PUDD'NHEAD MAXIMS. -THESE WISDOMS ARE FOR THE LURING OF YOUTH TOWARD -HIGH MORAL ALTITUDES. THE AUTHOR DID NOT -GATHER THEM FROM PRACTICE, BUT FROM -OBSERVATION. TO BE GOOD IS NOBLE; -BUT TO SHOW OTHERS HOW -TO BE GOOD IS NOBLER -AND NO TROUBLE. - - - - -CONTENTS - -CHAPTER I. -The Party--Across America to Vancouver--On Board the Warrimo--Steamer -Chairs-The Captain-Going Home under a Cloud--A Gritty Purser--The -Brightest Passenger--Remedy for Bad Habits--The Doctor and the Lumbago ---A Moral Pauper--Limited Smoking--Remittance-men. - - -CHAPTER II. -Change of Costume--Fish, Snake, and Boomerang Stories--Tests of Memory ---A Brahmin Expert--General Grant's Memory--A Delicately Improper Tale - - -CHAPTER III. -Honolulu--Reminiscences of the Sandwich Islands--King Liholiho and His -Royal Equipment--The Tabu--The Population of the Island--A Kanaka Diver ---Cholera at Honolulu--Honolulu; Past and Present--The Leper Colony - - -CHAPTER IV. -Leaving Honolulu--Flying-fish--Approaching the Equator--Why the Ship Went -Slow--The Front Yard of the Ship--Crossing the Equator--Horse Billiards -or Shovel Board--The Waterbury Watch--Washing Decks--Ship Painters--The -Great Meridian--The Loss of a Day--A Babe without a Birthday - - -CHAPTER V. -A lesson in Pronunciation--Reverence for Robert Burns--The Southern -Cross--Troublesome Constellations--Victoria for a Name--Islands on the -Map--Alofa and Fortuna--Recruiting for the Queensland Plantations-- -Captain Warren's NoteBook--Recruiting not thoroughly Popular - - -CHAPTER VI. -Missionaries Obstruct Business--The Sugar Planter and the Kanaka--The -Planter's View--Civilizing the Kanaka The Missionary's View--The Result-- -Repentant Kanakas--Wrinkles--The Death Rate in Queensland - - -CHAPTER VII. -The Fiji Islands--Suva--The Ship from Duluth--Going Ashore--Midwinter in -Fiji--Seeing the Governor--Why Fiji was Ceded to England--Old time -Fijians--Convicts among the Fijians--A Case Where Marriage was a Failure -Immortality with Limitations . - - -CHAPTER VIII. -A Wilderness of Islands--Two Men without a Country--A Naturalist from New -Zealand--The Fauna of Australasia--Animals, Insects, and Birds--The -Ornithorhynchus--Poetry and Plagiarism - - -CHAPTER IX. - -Close to Australia--Porpoises at Night--Entrance to Sydney Harbor--The -Loss of the Duncan Dunbar--The Harbor--The City of Sydney--Spring-time in -Australia--The Climate--Information for Travelers--The Size of Australia ---A Dust-Storm and Hot Wind - - -CHAPTER X. -The Discovery of Australia--Transportation of Convicts--Discipline-- -English Laws, Ancient and Modern--Flogging Prisoners to Death--Arrival of -Settlers--New South Wales Corps--Rum Currency--Intemperance Everywhere -$100,000 for One Gallon of Rum--Development of the Country--Immense -Resources - - -CHAPTER XI. -Hospitality of English-speaking People--Writers and their Gratitude--Mr. -Gane and the Panegyrics--Population of Sydney An English City with -American Trimming--"Squatters"--Palaces and Sheep Kingdoms--Wool and -Mutton--Australians and Americans--Costermonger Pronunciation--England is -"Home"--Table Talk--English and Colonial Audiences 124 - - -CHAPTER XII. -Mr. X., a Missionary--Why Christianity Makes Slow Progress in India--A -Large Dream--Hindoo Miracles and Legends--Sampson and Hanuman--The -Sandstone Ridge--Where are the Gates? - - -CHAPTER XIII. -Public Works in Australasia--Botanical Garden of Sydney--Four Special -Socialties--The Government House--A Governor and His Functions--The -Admiralty House--The Tour of the Harbor--Shark Fishing--Cecil Rhodes' -Shark and his First Fortune--Free Board for Sharks. - - -CHAPTER XIV. -Bad Health--To Melbourne by Rail--Maps Defective--The Colony of Victoria ---A Round-trip Ticket from Sydney--Change Cars, from Wide to Narrow -Gauge, a Peculiarity at Albury--Customs-fences--"My Word"--The Blue -Mountains--Rabbit Piles--Government R. R. Restaurants--Duchesses for -Waiters--"Sheep-dip"-- Railroad Coffee--Things Seen and Not Seen - - -CHAPTER XV. -Wagga-Wagga--The Tichborne Claimant--A Stock Mystery--The Plan of the -Romance--The Realization--The Henry Bascom Mystery--Bascom Hall--The -Author's Death and Funeral - - -CHAPTER XVI. -Melbourne and its Attractions--The Melbourne Cup Races--Cup Day--Great -Crowds--Clothes Regardless of Cost--The Australian Larrikin--Is He Dead? -Australian Hospitality--Melbourne Wool-brokers--The Museums--The Palaces ---The Origin of Melbourne - - -CHAPTER XVII. -The British Empire--Its Exports and Imports--The Trade of Australia--To -Adelaide--Broken Hill Silver Mine--A Roundabout road--The Scrub and its -Possibilities for the Novelist--The Aboriginal Tracker--A Test Case--How -Does One Cow-Track Differ from Another? - - -CHAPTER XVIII. -Gum Trees--Unsociable Trees--Gorse and Broom--A universal Defect--An -Adventurer--Wanted L200, got L20,000,000--A Vast Land Scheme--The Smash- -up--The Corpse Got Up and Danced--A Unique Business by One Man-- -Buying the Kangaroo Skin--The Approach to Adelaide--Everything Comes to -Him who Waits--A Healthy Religious sphere--What is the Matter with the -Specter? - - -CHAPTER XIX. - -The Botanical Gardens--Contributions from all Countries--The -Zoological Gardens of Adelaide--The Laughing Jackass--The Dingo--A -Misnamed Province--Telegraphing from Melbourne to San Francisco--A Mania -for Holidays--The Temperature-- The Death Rate--Celebration of the -Reading of the Proclamation of 1836--Some old Settlers at the -Commemoration--Their Staying Powers--The Intelligence of the Aboriginal-- -The Antiquity of the Boomerang - - -CHAPTER XX. -A Caller--A Talk about Old Times--The Fox Hunt--An Accurate Judgment of -an Idiot--How We Passed the Custom Officers in Italy - - -CHAPTER XXI. -The"Weet-Weet"--Keeping down the Population--Victoria--Killing the -Aboriginals--Pioneer Days in Queensland--Material for a Drama--The Bush-- -Pudding with Arsenic Revenge--A Right Spirit but a Wrong Method--Death of -Donga Billy - - -CHAPTER XXII. -Continued Description of Aboriginals--Manly Qualities--Dodging Balls-- -Feats of Spring--Jumping--Where the Kangaroo Learned its Art 'Well -Digging--Endurance--Surgery--Artistic Abilities--Fennimore Cooper's Last -Chance--Australian Slang - - -CHAPTER XXIII. -To Horsham (Colony of Victoria)--Description of Horsham--At the Hotel-- -Pepper Tree-The Agricultural College, Forty Pupils--High Temperature-- -Width of Road in Chains, Perches, etc.--The Bird with a Forgettable Name- --The Magpie and the Lady--Fruit Trees--Soils--Sheep Shearing--To Stawell ---Gold Mining Country--$75,000 per Month Income and able to Keep House-- -Fine Grapes and Wine--The Dryest Community on Earth--The Three Sisters-- -Gum Trees and Water - - -CHAPTER XXIV. - -Road to Ballarat--The City--Great Gold Strike, 1851--Rush for Australia-- -"Great Nuggets"--Taxation--Revolt and Victory-- Peter Lalor and the -Eureka Stockade--"Pencil Mark"--Fine Statuary at Ballarat--Population-- -Ballarat English - - -CHAPTER XXV. -Bound for Bendigo--The Priest at Castlemaine--Time Saved by Walking-- -Description of Bendigo--A Valuable Nugget--Perseverence and Success-- -Mr. Blank and His Influence--Conveyance of an Idea--I Had to Like the -Irishman--Corrigan Castle, and the Mark Twain Club--My Bascom Mystery -Solved - - -CHAPTER XXVI. -Where New Zealand Is--But Few Know--Things People Think They Know--The -Yale Professor and His Visitor from N. Z. - - -CHAPTER XXVII. -The South Pole Swell--Tasmania--Extermination of the Natives--The Picture -Proclamation--The Conciliator--The Formidable Sixteen - - -CHAPTER XXVIII. -When the Moment Comes the Man Appears--Why Ed. Jackson called on -Commodore Vanderbilt--Their Interview--Welcome to the Child of His Friend ---A Big Time but under Inspection--Sent on Important Business--A Visit to -the Boys on the Boat - - -CHAPTER XXIX: -Tasmania, Early Days--Description of the Town of Hobart--An Englishman's -Love of Home Surroundings--Neatest City on Earth--The Museum--A Parrot -with an Acquired Taste--Glass Arrow Beads--Refuge for the Indigent too -healthy - - -CHAPTER XXX. -Arrival at Bluff, N. Z.--Where the Rabbit Plague Began--The Natural Enemy -of the Rabbit--Dunedin--A Lovely Town--Visit to Dr. Hockin--His Museum-- -A Liquified Caterpillar--The Unperfected Tape Worm--The Public Museum and -Picture - - -CHAPTER XXXI. The Express Train--"A Hell of a Hotel at Maryborough"-- -Clocks and Bells--Railroad Service. - - -CHAPTER XXXII. -Description of the Town of Christ Church--A Fine Museum--Jade-stone -Trinkets--The Great Man--The First Maori in New Zealand--Women Voters-- -"Person" in New Zealand Law Includes Woman--Taming an Ornithorhynchus-- -A Voyage in the 'Flora' from Lyttelton--Cattle Stalls for Everybody-- -A Wonderful Time. - - -CHAPTER XXXIII. -The Town of Nelson--"The Mongatapu Murders," the Great Event of the Town ---Burgess' Confession--Summit of Mount Eden--Rotorua and the Hot Lakes -and Geysers--Thermal Springs District--Kauri Gum--Tangariwa Mountains . - - -CHAPTER XXXIV. -The Bay of Gisborne--Taking in Passengers by the Yard Arm--The Green -Ballarat Fly--False Teeth--From Napier to Hastings by the Ballarat Fly -Train--Kauri Trees--A Case of Mental Telegraphy - - -CHAPTER XXXV. -Fifty Miles in Four Hours--Comfortable Cars--Town of Wauganui--Plenty of -Maoris--On the Increase--Compliments to the Maoris--The Missionary Ways -all Wrong--The Tabu among the Maoris--A Mysterious Sign--Curious War- -monuments--Wellington . - - -CHAPTER XXXVI. -The Poems of Mrs. Moore--The Sad Fate of William Upson--A Fellow Traveler -Imitating the Prince of Wales--A Would-be Dude--Arrival at Sydney-- -Curious Town Names with Poem - - -CHAPTER XXXVII. ->From Sydney for Ceylon--A Lascar Crew--A Fine Ship--Three Cats and a -Basket of Kittens--Dinner Conversations--Veuve Cliquot Wine--At Anchor in -King George's Sound Albany Harbor--More Cats--A Vulture on Board--Nearing -the Equator again--Dressing for Dinner--Ceylon, Hotel Bristol--Servant -Brampy--A Feminine Man--Japanese Jinriksha or Cart--Scenes in Ceylon--A -Missionary School--Insincerity of Clothes - - -CHAPTER XXXVIII. -Steamer Rosettes to Bombay--Limes 14 cents a Barrel--Bombay, a Bewitching -City--Descriptions of People and Dress--Woman as a Road Decoration-- -India, the Land of Dreams and Romance--Fourteen Porters to Carry Baggage- --Correcting a Servant--Killing a Slave--Arranging a Bedroom--Three Hours' -Work and a Terrible Racket--The Bird of Birds, the Indian Crow - - -CHAPTER XXXIX. -God Vishnu, 108 Names--Change of Titles or Hunting for an Heir--Bombay as -a Kaleidoscope--The Native's Man Servant--Servants' Recommendations--How -Manuel got his Name and his English--Satan--A Visit from God - - -CHAPTER XL. -The Government House at Malabar Point--Mansion of Kumar Shri Samatsin Hji -Bahadur--The Indian Princess--A Difficult Game--Wardrobe and Jewels-- -Ceremonials--Decorations when Leaving--The Towers of Silence--A Funeral - - -CHAPTER XLI. -Jain Temple--Mr. Roychand's Bungalow--A Decorated Six-Gun Prince--Human -Fireworks--European Dress, Past and Present--Complexions--Advantages with -the Zulu--Festivities at the Bungalow-Nautch Dancers--Entrance of the -Prince--Address to the Prince - - -CHAPTER XLII. -A Hindoo Betrothal, midnight, Sleepers on the ground, Home of the Bride -of Twelve Years Dressed as a Boy--Illumination Nautch Girls--Imitating -Snakes--Later--Illuminated Porch Filled with Sleepers--The Plague . - - -CHAPTER XLIII -Murder Trial in Bombay--Confidence Swindlers--Some Specialities of India- --The Plague, Juggernaut, Suttee, etc.--Everything on Gigantic Scale -- -India First in Everything--80 States, more Custom Houses than Cats--Rich -Ground for Thug Society - - -CHAPTER XLIV. -Thug Book--Supplies for Traveling, Bedding, and other Freight--Scene at -Railway Station--Making Way for White Man--Waiting Passengers, High and -Low Caste, Touch in the cars--Our Car--Beds made up--Dreaming of Thugs-- -Baroda--Meet Friends--Indian Well--The Old Town--Narrow Streets--A Mad -Elephant - -CHAPTER XLV. - -Elephant Riding--Howdahs--The New Palace--The Prince's Excursion--Gold -and Silver Artillery--A Vice-royal Visit--Remarkable Dog--The Bench Show ---Augustin Daly's Back Door--Fakeer - - -CHAPTER XLVI. -The Thugs--Government Efforts to Exterminate them--Choking a Victim A -Fakeer Spared--Thief Strangled - - -CHAPTER XLVII. -Thugs, Continued--Record of Murders--A Joy of Hunting and Killing Men-- -Gordon Gumming--Killing an Elephant--Family Affection among Thugs-- -Burial Places - - -CHAPTER XLVIII. -Starting for Allahabad--Lower Berths in Sleepers--Elderly Ladies have -Preference of Berths--An American Lady Takes One Anyhow--How Smythe Lost -his Berth--How He Got Even--The Suttee - - -CHAPTER XLIX. -Pyjamas--Day Scene in India--Clothed in a Turban and a Pocket -Handkerchief--Land Parceled Out--Established Village Servants--Witches in -Families--Hereditary Midwifery--Destruction of Girl Babies-- Wedding -Display--Tiger-Persuader--Hailstorm Discourages--The Tyranny of the -Sweeper--Elephant Driver--Water Carrier--Curious Rivers--Arrival at -Allahabad--English Quarter--Lecture Hall Like a Snowstorm--Private -Carriages--A Milliner--Early Morning--The Squatting Servant--A Religious -Fair - - -CHAPTER L. -On the Road to Benares--Dust and Waiting--The Bejeweled Crowd--A Native -Prince and his Guard--Zenana Lady--The Extremes of Fashion--The Hotel at -Benares--An Annex a Mile Away--Doors in India--The Peepul Tree--Warning -against Cold Baths--A Strange Fruit--Description of Benares--The -Beginning of Creation--Pilgrims to Benares--A Priest with a Good Business -Stand--Protestant Missionary--The Trinity Brahma, Shiva, and Vishnu-- -Religion the Business at Benares - - -CHAPTER LI. -Benares a Religious Temple--A Guide for Pilgrims to Save Time in Securing -Salvation - - -CHAPTER LII. -A Curious Way to Secure Salvation--The Banks of the Ganges--Architecture -Represents Piety--A Trip on the River--Bathers and their Costumes-- -Drinking the Water--A Scientific Test of the Nasty Purifier--Hindoo Faith -in the Ganges--A Cremation--Remembrances of the Suttee--All Life Sacred -Except Human Life--The Goddess Bhowanee, and the Sacrificers--Sacred -Monkeys--Ugly Idols Everywhere--Two White Minarets--A Great View with a -Monkey in it--A Picture on the Water - - -CHAPTER LIII. -Still in Benares--Another Living God--Why Things are Wonderful--Sri 108 -Utterly Perfect--How He Came so--Our Visit to Sri--A Friendly Deity -Exchanging Autographs and Books--Sri's Pupil--An Interesting Man-- -Reverence and Irreverence--Dancing in a Sepulchre - - -CHAPTER LIV. -Rail to Calcutta--Population--The "City of Palaces"--A Fluted Candle- -stick--Ochterlony--Newspaper Correspondence--Average Knowledge of -Countries--A Wrong Idea of Chicago--Calcutta and the Black Hole-- -Description of the Horrors--Those Who Lived--The Botanical Gardens--The -Afternoon Turnout--Grand Review--Military Tournament--Excursion on the -Hoogly--The Museum--What Winter Means Calcutta . - - -CHAPTER LV -On the Road Again--Flannels in Order--Across Country--From Greenland's -Icy Mountain--Swapping Civilization--No Field women in India--How it is -in Other Countries--Canvas-covered Cars--The Tiger Country--My First Hunt -Some Elephants Get Away--The Plains of India--The Ghurkas--Women for -Pack-Horses--A Substitute for a Cab--Darjeeling--The Hotel--The Highest -Thing in the Himalayas-- The Club--Kinchinjunga and Mt. Everest-- -Thibetans--The Prayer Wheel--People Going to the Bazar - - -CHAPTER LVI. -On the Road Again--The Hand-Car--A Thirty-five-mile Slide--The Banyan -Tree--A Dramatic Performance--The Railroad--The Half-way House--The Brain -Fever Bird--The Coppersmith Bird--Nightingales and Cue Owls - - -CHAPTER LVII. -India the Most Extraordinary Country on Earth--Nothing Forgotten--The -Land of Wonders--Annual Statistics Everywhere about Violence--Tiger vs. -Man--A Handsome Fight--Annual Man Killing and Tiger Killing--Other -Animals--Snakes--Insurance and Snake Tables--The Cobra Bite--Muzaffurpore ---Dinapore--A Train that Stopped for Gossip--Six Hours for Thirty-five -Miles--A Rupee to the Engineer--Ninety Miles an Hour--Again to Benares, -the Piety Hive To Lucknow - - -CHAPTER LVIII. -The Great Mutiny--The Massacre in Cawnpore--Terrible Scenes in Lucknow-- -The Residency--The Siege - - -CHAPTER LIX. -A Visit to the Residency--Cawnpore--The Adjutant Bird and the Hindoo -Corpse--The Tai Mahal--The True Conception--The Ice Storm--True Gems-- -Syrian Fountains--An Exaggerated Niagara - - -CHAPTER LX. -To Lahore--The Governor's Elephant--Taking a Ride-No Danger from -Collision--Rawal Pindi--Back to Delhi--An Orientalized Englishman-- -Monkeys and the Paint-pot--Monkey Crying over my Note-book--Arrival at -Jeypore--In Rajputana--Watching Servants--The Jeypore Hotel--Our Old and -New Satan--Satan as a Liar--The Museum--A Street Show--Blocks of Houses-- -A Religious Procession - - -CHAPTER LXI. -Methods in American Deaf and Dumb Asylums--Methods in the Public Schools ---A Letter from a youth in Punjab--Highly Educated Service--A Damage to -the Country--A Little Book from Calcutta--Writing Poor English-- -Embarrassed by a Beggar Girl--A Specimen Letter--An Application for -Employment--A Calcutta School Examination--Two Samples of -Literature - - -CHAPTER LXII. -Sail from Calcutta to Madras--Thence to Ceylon--Thence for Mauritius-- -The Indian Ocean--Our Captain's Peculiarity The Scot Has one too--The -Flying-fish that Went Hunting in the Field--Fined for Smuggling--Lots of -pets on Board--The Color of the Sea--The Most Important Member of -Nature's Family--The Captain's Story of Cold Weather--Omissions in the -Ship's Library--Washing Decks--Pyjamas on Deck--The Cat's Toilet--No -Interest in the Bulletin--Perfect Rest--The Milky Way and the Magellan -Clouds--Mauritius--Port Louis--A Hot Country--Under French Control-- -A Variety of People and Complexions--Train to Curepipe--A Wonderful -Office-holder--The Wooden Peg Ornament--The Prominent Historical Event of -Mauritius--"Paul and Virginia"--One of Virginia's Wedding Gifts--Heaven -Copied after Mauritius--Early History of Mauritius--Quarantines-- -Population of all Kinds--What the World Consists of--Where Russia and -Germany are--A Picture of Milan Cathedral--Newspapers--The Language--Best -Sugar in the World--Literature of Mauritius - - -CHAPTER LXIII. -Port Louis--Matches no Good--Good Roads--Death Notices--Why European -Nations Rob Each Other--What Immigrants to Mauritius Do--Population-- -Labor Wages--The Camaron--The Palmiste and other Eatables--Monkeys--The -Cyclone of 1892--Mauritius a Sunday Landscape - - -CHAPTER LXIV. -The Steamer "Arundel Castle"--Poor Beds in Ships--The Beds in Noah's Ark- --Getting a Rest in Europe--Ship in Sight--Mozambique Channel--The -Engineer and the Band--Thackeray's "Madagascar"--Africanders Going Home-- -Singing on the After Deck--An Out-of-Place Story--Dynamite Explosion in -Johannesburg--Entering Delagoa Bay--Ashore--A Hot Winter--Small Town--No -Sights--No Carriages--Working Women--Barnum's Purchase of Shakespeare's -Birthplace, Jumbo, and the Nelson Monument--Arrival at Durban - - -CHAPTER LXV. -Royal Hotel Durban--Bells that Did not Ring--Early Inquiries for Comforts ---Change of Temperature after Sunset-Rickhaws--The Hotel Chameleon-- -Natives not out after the Bell--Preponderance of Blacks in Natal--Hair -Fashions in Natal--Zulus for Police--A Drive round the Berea--The Cactus -and other Trees--Religion a Vital Matter--Peculiar Views about Babies-- -Zulu Kings--A Trappist Monastery--Transvaal Politics--Reasons why the -Trouble came About - - -CHAPTER LXVI. -Jameson over the Border--His Defeat and Capture--Sent to England for -Trial--Arrest of Citizens by the Boers--Commuted sentences--Final Release -of all but Two--Interesting Days for a Stranger--Hard to Understand -Either Side--What the Reformers Expected to Accomplish--How They Proposed -to do it--Testimonies a Year Later--A "Woman's Part"--The Truth of the -South African Situation--"Jameson's Ride"--A Poem - - -CHAPTER LXVIL -Jameson's Raid--The Reform Committee's Difficult Task--Possible Plans-- -Advice that Jameson Ought to Have--The War of 1881 and its Lessons-- -Statistics of Losses of the Combatants--Jameson's Battles--Losses on Both -Sides--The Military Errors--How the Warfare Should Have Been Carried on -to Be Successful - - -CHAPTER LXVIII. -Judicious Mr. Rhodes--What South Africa Consists of--Johannesburg--The -Gold Mines--The Heaven of American Engineers--What the Author Knows about -Mining--Description of the Boer--What Should be Expected of Him--What Was -A Dizzy Jump for Rhodes--Taxes--Rhodesian Method of Reducing Native -Population--Journeying in Cape Colony--The Cars--The Country--The -Weather--Tamed Blacks--Familiar Figures in King William's Town--Boer -Dress--Boer Country Life--Sleeping Accommodations--The Reformers in Boer -Prison--Torturing a Black Prisoner - - -CHAPTER LXIX. -An Absorbing Novelty--The Kimberley Diamond Mines--Discovery of Diamonds ---The Wronged Stranger--Where the Gems Are--A Judicious Change of -Boundary--Modern Machinery and Appliances--Thrilling Excitement in -Finding a Diamond--Testing a Diamond--Fences--Deep Mining by Natives in -the Compound--Stealing--Reward for the Biggest Diamond--A Fortune in -Wine--The Great Diamond--Office of the De Beer Co.--Sorting the Gems-- -Cape Town--The Most Imposing Man in British Provinces--Various Reasons -for his Supremacy--How He Makes Friends - - -CONCLUSION. -Table Rock--Table Bay--The Castle--Government and Parliament--The Club-- -Dutch Mansions and their Hospitality--Dr. John Barry and his Doings--On -the Ship Norman--Madeira--Arrived in Southampton . - - - - - -FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR - - -CHAPTER I. - -A man may have no bad habits and have worse. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -The starting point of this lecturing-trip around the world was Paris, -where we had been living a year or two. - -We sailed for America, and there made certain preparations. This took -but little time. Two members of my family elected to go with me. Also a -carbuncle. The dictionary says a carbuncle is a kind of jewel. Humor is -out of place in a dictionary. - -We started westward from New York in midsummer, with Major Pond to manage -the platform-business as far as the Pacific. It was warm work, all the -way, and the last fortnight of it was suffocatingly smoky, for in Oregon -and Columbia the forest fires were raging. We had an added week of smoke -at the seaboard, where we were obliged awhile for our ship. She had been -getting herself ashore in the smoke, and she had to be docked and -repaired. - -We sailed at last; and so ended a snail-paced march across the continent, -which had lasted forty days. - -We moved westward about mid-afternoon over a rippled and summer sea; an -enticing sea, a clean and cool sea, and apparently a welcome sea to all -on board; it certainly was to the distressful dustings and smokings and -swelterings of the past weeks. The voyage would furnish a three-weeks -holiday, with hardly a break in it. We had the whole Pacific Ocean in -front of us, with nothing to do but do nothing and be comfortable. The -city of Victoria was twinkling dim in the deep heart of her smoke-cloud, -and getting ready to vanish and now we closed the field-glasses and sat -down on our steamer chairs contented and at peace. But they went to -wreck and ruin under us and brought us to shame before all the -passengers. They had been furnished by the largest furniture-dealing -house in Victoria, and were worth a couple of farthings a dozen, though -they had cost us the price of honest chairs. In the Pacific and Indian -Oceans one must still bring his own deck-chair on board or go without, -just as in the old forgotten Atlantic times--those Dark Ages of sea -travel. - -Ours was a reasonably comfortable ship, with the customary sea-going fare ---plenty of good food furnished by the Deity and cooked by the devil. -The discipline observable on board was perhaps as good as it is anywhere -in the Pacific and Indian Oceans. The ship was not very well arranged -for tropical service; but that is nothing, for this is the rule for ships -which ply in the tropics. She had an over-supply of cockroaches, but -this is also the rule with ships doing business in the summer seas--at -least such as have been long in service. Our young captain was a very -handsome man, tall and perfectly formed, the very figure to show up a -smart uniform's best effects. He was a man of the best intentions and -was polite and courteous even to courtliness. There was a soft and -finish about his manners which made whatever place he happened to be in -seem for the moment a drawing room. He avoided the smoking room. He had -no vices. He did not smoke or chew tobacco or take snuff ; he did not -swear, or use slang or rude, or coarse, or indelicate language, or make -puns, or tell anecdotes, or laugh intemperately, or raise his voice above -the moderate pitch enjoined by the canons of good form. When he gave an -order, his manner modified it into a request. After dinner he and his -officers joined the ladies and gentlemen in the ladies' saloon, and -shared in the singing and piano playing, and helped turn the music. He -had a sweet and sympathetic tenor voice, and used it with taste and -effect the music he played whist there, always with the same partner and -opponents, until the ladies' bedtime. The electric lights burned there -as late as the ladies and their friends might desire; but they were not -allowed to burn in the smoking-room after eleven. There were many laws -on the ship's statute book of course; but so far as I could see, this and -one other were the only ones that were rigidly enforced. The captain -explained that he enforced this one because his own cabin adjoined the -smoking-room, and the smell of tobacco smoke made him sick. I did not -see how our smoke could reach him, for the smoking-room and his cabin -were on the upper deck, targets for all the winds that blew; and besides -there was no crack of communication between them, no opening of any sort -in the solid intervening bulkhead. Still, to a delicate stomach even -imaginary smoke can convey damage. - -The captain, with his gentle nature, his polish, his sweetness, his moral -and verbal purity, seemed pathetically out of place in his rude and -autocratic vocation. It seemed another instance of the irony of fate. - -He was going home under a cloud. The passengers knew about his trouble, -and were sorry for him. Approaching Vancouver through a narrow and -difficult passage densely befogged with smoke from the forest fires, he -had had the ill-luck to lose his bearings and get his ship on the rocks. -A matter like this would rank merely as an error with you and me; it -ranks as a crime with the directors of steamship companies. The captain -had been tried by the Admiralty Court at Vancouver, and its verdict had -acquitted him of blame. But that was insufficient comfort. A sterner -court would examine the case in Sydney--the Court of Directors, the lords -of a company in whose ships the captain had served as mate a number of -years. This was his first voyage as captain. - -The officers of our ship were hearty and companionable young men, and -they entered into the general amusements and helped the passengers pass -the time. Voyages in the Pacific and Indian Oceans are but pleasure -excursions for all hands. Our purser was a young Scotchman who was -equipped with a grit that was remarkable. He was an invalid, and looked -it, as far as his body was concerned, but illness could not subdue his -spirit. He was full of life, and had a gay and capable tongue. To all -appearances he was a sick man without being aware of it, for he did not -talk about his ailments, and his bearing and conduct were those of a -person in robust health; yet he was the prey, at intervals, of ghastly -sieges of pain in his heart. These lasted many hours, and while the -attack continued he could neither sit nor lie. In one instance he stood -on his feet twenty-four hours fighting for his life with these sharp -agonies, and yet was as full of life and cheer and activity -the next day as if nothing had happened. - -The brightest passenger in the ship, and the most interesting and -felicitous talker, was a young Canadian who was not able to let the -whisky bottle alone. He was of a rich and powerful family, and could have -had a distinguished career and abundance of effective help toward it if -he could have conquered his appetite for drink; but he could not do it, -so his great equipment of talent was of no use to him. He had often taken -the pledge to drink no more, and was a good sample of what that sort of -unwisdom can do for a man--for a man with anything short of an iron will. -The system is wrong in two ways: it does not strike at the root of the -trouble, for one thing, and to make a pledge of any kind is to declare -war against nature; for a pledge is a chain that is always clanking and -reminding the wearer of it that he is not a free man. - -I have said that the system does not strike at the root of the trouble, -and I venture to repeat that. The root is not the drinking, but the -desire to drink. These are very different things. The one merely -requires will--and a great deal of it, both as to bulk and staying -capacity--the other merely requires watchfulness--and for no long time. -The desire of course precedes the act, and should have one's first -attention; it can do but little good to refuse the act over and over -again, always leaving the desire unmolested, unconquered; the desire will -continue to assert itself, and will be almost sure to win in the long -run. When the desire intrudes, it should be at once banished out of the -mind. One should be on the watch for it all the time--otherwise it will -get in. It must be taken in time and not allowed to get a lodgment. A -desire constantly repulsed for a fortnight should die, then. That should -cure the drinking habit. The system of refusing the mere act of -drinking, and leaving the desire in full force, is unintelligent war -tactics, it seems to me. I used to take pledges--and soon violate them. -My will was not strong, and I could not help it. And then, to be tied in -any way naturally irks an otherwise free person and makes him chafe in -his bonds and want to get his liberty. But when I finally ceased from -taking definite pledges, and merely resolved that I would kill an -injurious desire, but leave myself free to resume the desire and the -habit whenever I should choose to do so, I had no more trouble. In five -days I drove out the desire to smoke and was not obliged to keep watch -after that; and I never experienced any strong desire to smoke again. At -the end of a year and a quarter of idleness I began to write a book, and -presently found that the pen was strangely reluctant to go. I tried a -smoke to see if that would help me out of the difficulty. It did. I -smoked eight or ten cigars and as many pipes a day for five months; -finished the book, and did not smoke again until a year had gone by and -another book had to be begun. - -I can quit any of my nineteen injurious habits at any time, and without -discomfort or inconvenience. I think that the Dr. Tanners and those -others who go forty days without eating do it by resolutely keeping out -the desire to eat, in the beginning, and that after a few hours the -desire is discouraged and comes no more. - -Once I tried my scheme in a large medical way. I had been confined to my -bed several days with lumbago. My case refused to improve. Finally the -doctor said,-- - -"My remedies have no fair chance. Consider what they have to fight, -besides the lumbago. You smoke extravagantly, don't you?" - -"Yes." - -"You take coffee immoderately?" - -"Yes." - -"And some tea?" - -"Yes." - -"You eat all kinds of things that are dissatisfied with each other's -company?" - -"Yes." - -"You drink two hot Scotches every night?" - -"Yes." - -"Very well, there you see what I have to contend against. We can't make -progress the way the matter stands. You must make a reduction in these -things; you must cut down your consumption of them considerably for some -days." - -"I can't, doctor." - -"Why can't you." - -"I lack the will-power. I can cut them off entirely, but I can't merely -moderate them." - -He said that that would answer, and said he would come around in -twenty-four hours and begin work again. He was taken ill himself and -could not come; but I did not need him. I cut off all those things for -two days and nights; in fact, I cut off all kinds of food, too, and all -drinks except water, and at the end of the forty-eight hours the lumbago -was discouraged and left me. I was a well man; so I gave thanks and took -to those delicacies again. - -It seemed a valuable medical course, and I recommended it to a lady. She -had run down and down and down, and had at last reached a point where -medicines no longer had any helpful effect upon her. I said I knew I -could put her upon her feet in a week. It brightened her up, it filled -her with hope, and she said she would do everything I told her to do. So -I said she must stop swearing and drinking, and smoking and eating for -four days, and then she would be all right again. And it would have -happened just so, I know it; but she said she could not stop swearing, -and smoking, and drinking, because she had never done those things. So -there it was. She had neglected her habits, and hadn't any. Now that -they would have come good, there were none in stock. She had nothing to -fall back on. She was a sinking vessel, with no freight in her to throw -over lighten ship withal. Why, even one or two little bad habits cou1d -have saved her, but she was just a moral pauper. When she could have -acquired them she was dissuaded by her parents, who were ignorant people -though reared in the best society, and it was too late to begin now. It -seemed such a pity; but there was no help for it. These things ought to -be attended to while a person is young; otherwise, when age and disease -come, there is nothing effectual to fight them with. - -When I was a youth I used to take all kinds of pledges, and do my best to -keep them, but I never could, because I didn't strike at the root of the -habit--the desire; I generally broke down within the month. Once I tried -limiting a habit. That worked tolerably well for a while. I pledged -myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until -bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me -every day and all day long; so, within the week I found myself hunting -for larger cigars than I had been used to smoke; then larger ones still, -and still larger ones. Within the fortnight I was getting cigars made -for me--on a yet larger pattern. They still grew and grew in size. -Within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions that I could have -used it as a crutch. It now seemed to me that a one-cigar limit was no -real protection to a person, so I knocked my pledge on the head and -resumed my liberty. - -To go back to that young Canadian. He was a "remittance man," the first -one I had ever seen or heard of. Passengers explained the term to me. -They said that dissipated ne'er-do-wells belonging to important families -in England and Canada were not cast off by their people while there was -any hope of reforming them, but when that last hope perished at last, the -ne'er-do-well was sent abroad to get him out of the way. He was shipped -off with just enough money in his pocket--no, in the purser's pocket--for -the needs of the voyage--and when he reached his destined port he would -find a remittance awaiting him there. Not a large one, but just enough -to keep him a month. A similar remittance would come monthly thereafter. -It was the remittance-man's custom to pay his month's board and lodging -straightway--a duty which his landlord did not allow him to forget--then -spree away the rest of his money in a single night, then brood and mope -and grieve in idleness till the next remittance came. It is a pathetic -life. - -We had other remittance-men on board, it was said. At least they said -they were R. M.'s. There were two. But they did not resemble the -Canadian; they lacked his tidiness, and his brains, and his gentlemanly -ways, and his resolute spirit, and his humanities and generosities. One -of them was a lad of nineteen or twenty, and he was a good deal of a -ruin, as to clothes, and morals, and general aspect. He said he was a -scion of a ducal house in England, and had been shipped to Canada for the -house's relief, that he had fallen into trouble there, and was now being -shipped to Australia. He said he had no title. Beyond this remark he -was economical of the truth. The first thing he did in Australia was to -get into the lockup, and the next thing he did was to proclaim himself an -earl in the police court in the morning and fail to prove it. - - - - -CHAPTER II. - -When in doubt, tell the truth. ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -About four days out from Victoria we plunged into hot weather, and all -the male passengers put on white linen clothes. One or two days later we -crossed the 25th parallel of north latitude, and then, by order, the -officers of the ship laid away their blue uniforms and came out in white -linen ones. All the ladies were in white by this time. This prevalence -of snowy costumes gave the promenade deck an invitingly cool, and -cheerful and picnicky aspect. - ->From my diary: - -There are several sorts of ills in the world from which a person can -never escape altogether, let him journey as far as he will. One escapes -from one breed of an ill only to encounter another breed of it. We have -come far from the snake liar and the fish liar, and there was rest and -peace in the thought; but now we have reached the realm of the boomerang -liar, and sorrow is with us once more. The first officer has seen a man -try to escape from his enemy by getting behind a tree; but the enemy sent -his boomerang sailing into the sky far above and beyond the tree; then it -turned, descended, and killed the man. The Australian passenger has seen -this thing done to two men, behind two trees--and by the one arrow. This -being received with a large silence that suggested doubt, he buttressed -it with the statement that his brother once saw the boomerang kill a bird -away off a hundred yards and bring it to the thrower. But these are ills -which must be borne. There is no other way. - -The talk passed from the boomerang to dreams--usually a fruitful subject, -afloat or ashore--but this time the output was poor. Then it passed to -instances of extraordinary memory--with better results. Blind Tom, the -negro pianist, was spoken of, and it was said that he could accurately -play any piece of music, howsoever long and difficult, after hearing it -once; and that six months later he could accurately play it again, -without having touched it in the interval. One of the most striking of -the stories told was furnished by a gentleman who had served on the staff -of the Viceroy of India. He read the details from his note-book, and -explained that he had written them down, right after the consummation of -the incident which they described, because he thought that if he did not -put them down in black and white he might presently come to think he had -dreamed them or invented them. - -The Viceroy was making a progress, and among the shows offered by the -Maharajah of Mysore for his entertainment was a memory-exhibition. The -Viceroy and thirty gentlemen of his suite sat in a row, and the memory- -expert, a high-caste Brahmin, was brought in and seated on the floor in -front of them. He said he knew but two languages, the English and his -own, but would not exclude any foreign tongue from the tests to be -applied to his memory. Then he laid before the assemblage his program-- -a sufficiently extraordinary one. He proposed that one gentleman should -give him one word of a foreign sentence, and tell him its place in the -sentence. He was furnished with the French word 'est', and was told it -was second in a sentence of three words. The next, gentleman gave him -the German word 'verloren' and said it was the third in a sentence of -four words. He asked the next gentleman for one detail in a sum in -addition; another for one detail in a sum of subtraction; others for -single details in mathematical problems of various kinds; he got them. -Intermediates gave him single words from sentences in Greek, Latin, -Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, and other languages, and told him their -places in the sentences. When at last everybody had furnished him a -single rag from a foreign sentence or a figure from a problem, he went -over the ground again, and got a second word and a second figure and was -told their places in the sentences and the sums; and so on and so on. He -went over the ground again and again until he had collected all the parts -of the sums and all the parts of the sentences--and all in disorder, of -course, not in their proper rotation. This had occupied two hours. - -The Brahmin now sat silent and thinking, a while, then began and repeated -all the sentences, placing the words in their proper order, and untangled -the disordered arithmetical problems and gave accurate answers to them -all. - -In the beginning he had asked the company to throw almonds at him during -the two hours, he to remember how many each gentleman had thrown; but -none were thrown, for the Viceroy said that the test would be a -sufficiently severe strain without adding that burden to it. - -General Grant had a fine memory for all kinds of things, including even -names and faces, and I could have furnished an instance of it if I had -thought of it. The first time I ever saw him was early in his first term -as President. I had just arrived in Washington from the Pacific coast, a -stranger and wholly unknown to the public, and was passing the White -House one morning when I met a friend, a Senator from Nevada. He asked -me if I would like to see the President. I said I should be very glad; -so we entered. I supposed that the President would be in the midst of a -crowd, and that I could look at him in peace and security from a -distance, as another stray cat might look at another king. But it was in -the morning, and the Senator was using a privilege of his office which I -had not heard of--the privilege of intruding upon the Chief Magistrate's -working hours. Before I knew it, the Senator and I were in the presence, -and there was none there but we three. General Grant got slowly up from -his table, put his pen down, and stood before me with the iron expression -of a man who had not smiled for seven years, and was not intending to -smile for another seven. He looked me steadily in the eyes--mine lost -confidence and fell. I had never confronted a great man before, and was -in a miserable state of funk and inefficiency. The Senator said:-- - -"Mr. President, may I have the privilege of introducing Mr. Clemens?" - -The President gave my hand an unsympathetic wag and dropped it. He did -not say a word but just stood. In my trouble I could not think of -anything to say, I merely wanted to resign. There was an awkward pause, -a dreary pause, a horrible pause. Then I thought of something, and -looked up into that unyielding face, and said timidly:-- - -"Mr. President, I--I am embarrassed. Are you?" - -His face broke--just a little--a wee glimmer, the momentary flicker of a -summer-lightning smile, seven years ahead of time--and I was out and gone -as soon as it was. - -Ten years passed away before I saw him the second time. Meantime I was -become better known; and was one of the people appointed to respond to -toasts at the banquet given to General Grant in Chicago--by the Army of -the Tennessee when he came back from his tour around the world. I -arrived late at night and got up late in the morning. All the corridors -of the hotel were crowded with people waiting to get a glimpse of General -Grant when he should pass to the place whence he was to review the great -procession. I worked my way by the suite of packed drawing-rooms, and at -the corner of the house I found a window open where there was a roomy -platform decorated with flags, and carpeted. I stepped out on it, and -saw below me millions of people blocking all the streets, and other -millions caked together in all the windows and on all the house-tops -around. These masses took me for General Grant, and broke into volcanic -explosions and cheers; but it was a good place to see the procession, and -I stayed. Presently I heard the distant blare of military music, and far -up the street I saw the procession come in sight, cleaving its way -through the huzzaing multitudes, with Sheridan, the most martial figure -of the War, riding at its head in the dress uniform of a Lieutenant- -General. - -And now General Grant, arm-in-arm with Major Carter Harrison, stepped out -on the platform, followed two and two by the badged and uniformed -reception committee. General Grant was looking exactly as he had looked -upon that trying occasion of ten years before--all iron and bronze self- -possession. Mr. Harrison came over and led me to the General and -formally introduced me. Before I could put together the proper remark, -General Grant said-- - -"Mr. Clemens, I am not embarrassed. Are you?"--and that little seven- -year smile twinkled across his face again. - -Seventeen years have gone by since then, and to-day, in New York, the -streets are a crush of people who are there to honor the remains of the -great soldier as they pass to their final resting-place under the -monument; and the air is heavy with dirges and the boom of artillery, and -all the millions of America are thinking of the man who restored the -Union and the flag, and gave to democratic government a new lease of -life, and, as we may hope and do believe, a permanent place among the -beneficent institutions of men. - -We had one game in the ship which was a good time-passer--at least it was -at night in the smoking-room when the men were getting freshened up from -the day's monotonies and dullnesses. It was the completing of non- -complete stories. That is to say, a man would tell all of a story except -the finish, then the others would try to supply the ending out of their -own invention. When every one who wanted a chance had had it, the man -who had introduced the story would give it its original ending--then you -could take your choice. Sometimes the new endings turned out to be -better than the old one. But the story which called out the most -persistent and determined and ambitious effort was one which had no -ending, and so there was nothing to compare the new-made endings with. -The man who told it said he could furnish the particulars up to a certain -point only, because that was as much of the tale as he knew. He had read -it in a volume of `sketches twenty-five years ago, and was interrupted -before the end was reached. He would give any one fifty dollars who -would finish the story to the satisfaction of a jury to be appointed by -ourselves. We appointed a jury and wrestled with the tale. We invented -plenty of endings, but the jury voted them all down. The jury was right. -It was a tale which the author of it may possibly have completed -satisfactorily, and if he really had that good fortune I would like to -know what the ending was. Any ordinary man will find that the story's -strength is in its middle, and that there is apparently no way to -transfer it to the close, where of course it ought to be. In substance -the storiette was as follows: - -John Brown, aged thirty-one, good, gentle, bashful, timid, lived in a -quiet village in Missouri. He was superintendent of the Presbyterian -Sunday-school. It was but a humble distinction; still, it was his only -official one, and he was modestly proud of it and was devoted to its work -and its interests. The extreme kindliness of his nature was recognized -by all; in fact, people said that he was made entirely out of good -impulses and bashfulness; that he could always be counted upon for help -when it was needed, and for bashfulness both when it was needed and when -it wasn't. - -Mary Taylor, twenty-three, modest, sweet, winning, and in character and -person beautiful, was all in all to him. And he was very nearly all in -all to her. She was wavering, his hopes were high. Her mother had been -in opposition from the first. But she was wavering, too; he could see -it. She was being touched by his warm interest in her two charity- -proteges and by his contributions toward their support. These were two -forlorn and aged sisters who lived in a log hut in a lonely place up a -cross road four miles from Mrs. Taylor's farm. One of the sisters was -crazy, and sometimes a little violent, but not often. - -At last the time seemed ripe for a final advance, and Brown gathered his -courage together and resolved to make it. He would take along a -contribution of double the usual size, and win the mother over; with her -opposition annulled, the rest of the conquest would be sure and prompt. - -He took to the road in the middle of a placid Sunday afternoon in the -soft Missourian summer, and he was equipped properly for his mission. He -was clothed all in white linen, with a blue ribbon for a necktie, and he -had on dressy tight boots. His horse and buggy were the finest that the -livery stable could furnish. The lap robe was of white linen, it was -new, and it had a hand-worked border that could not be rivaled in that -region for beauty and elaboration. - -When he was four miles out on the lonely road and was walking his horse -over a wooden bridge, his straw hat blew off and fell in the creek, and -floated down and lodged against a bar. He did not quite know what to do. -He must have the hat, that was manifest; but how was he to get it? - -Then he had an idea. The roads were empty, nobody was stirring. Yes, he -would risk it. He led the horse to the roadside and set it to cropping -the grass; then he undressed and put his clothes in the buggy, petted the -horse a moment to secure its compassion and its loyalty, then hurried to -the stream. He swam out and soon had the hat. When he got to the top of -the bank the horse was gone! - -His legs almost gave way under him. The horse was walking leisurely -along the road. Brown trotted after it, saying, "Whoa, whoa, there's a -good fellow;" but whenever he got near enough to chance a jump for the -buggy, the horse quickened its pace a little and defeated him. And so -this went on, the naked man perishing with anxiety, and expecting every -moment to see people come in sight. He tagged on and on, imploring the -horse, beseeching the horse, till he had left a mile behind him, and was -closing up on the Taylor premises; then at last he was successful, and -got into the buggy. He flung on his shirt, his necktie, and his coat; -then reached for--but he was too late; he sat suddenly down and pulled up -the lap-robe, for he saw some one coming out of the gate--a woman; he -thought. He wheeled the horse to the left, and struck briskly up the -cross-road. It was perfectly straight, and exposed on both sides; but -there were woods and a sharp turn three miles ahead, and he was very -grateful when he got there. As he passed around the turn he slowed down -to a walk, and reached for his tr----too late again. - -He had come upon Mrs. Enderby, Mrs. Glossop, Mrs. Taylor, and Mary. -They were on foot, and seemed tired and excited. They came at once to -the buggy and shook hands, and all spoke at once, and said eagerly and -earnestly, how glad they were that he was come, and how fortunate it was. -And Mrs. Enderby said, impressively: - -"It looks like an accident, his coming at such a time; but let no one -profane it with such a name; he was sent--sent from on high." - -They were all moved, and Mrs. Glossop said in an awed voice: - -"Sarah Enderby, you never said a truer word in your life. This is no -accident, it is a special Providence. He was sent. He is an angel--an -angel as truly as ever angel was--an angel of deliverance. I say angel, -Sarah Enderby, and will have no other word. Don't let any one ever say -to me again, that there's no such thing as special Providences; for if -this isn't one, let them account for it that can." - -"I know it's so," said Mrs. Taylor, fervently. "John Brown, I could -worship you; I could go down on my knees to you. Didn't something tell -you?-- didn't you feel that you were sent? I could kiss the hem of your -laprobe." - -He was not able to speak; he was helpless with shame and fright. Mrs. -Taylor went on: - -"Why, just look at it all around, Julia Glossop. Any person can see the -hand of Providence in it. Here at noon what do we see? We see the smoke -rising. I speak up and say, 'That's the Old People's cabin afire.' -Didn't I, Julia Glossop?" - -"The very words you said, Nancy Taylor. I was as close to you as I am -now, and I heard them. You may have said hut instead of cabin, but in -substance it's the same. And you were looking pale, too." - -"Pale? I was that pale that if--why, you just compare it with this -laprobe. Then the next thing I said was, 'Mary Taylor, tell the hired -man to rig up the team-we'll go to the rescue.' And she said, 'Mother, -don't you know you told him he could drive to see his people, and stay -over Sunday?' And it was just so. I declare for it, I had forgotten it. -'Then,' said I, 'we'll go afoot.' And go we did. And found Sarah -Enderby on the road." - -"And we all went together," said Mrs. Enderby. "And found the cabin set -fire to and burnt down by the crazy one, and the poor old things so old -and feeble that they couldn't go afoot. And we got them to a shady place -and made them as comfortable as we could, and began to wonder which way -to turn to find some way to get them conveyed to Nancy Taylor's house. -And I spoke up and said--now what did I say? Didn't I say, 'Providence -will provide'?" - -"Why sure as you live, so you did! I had forgotten it." - -"So had I," said Mrs. Glossop and Mrs. Taylor; "but you certainly said -it. Now wasn't that remarkable? " - -"Yes, I said it. And then we went to Mr. Moseley's, two miles, and all -of them were gone to the camp meeting over on Stony Fork; and then we -came all the way back, two miles, and then here, another mile--and -Providence has provided. You see it yourselves" - -They gazed at each other awe-struck, and lifted their hands and said in -unison: - -"It's per-fectly wonderful." - -"And then," said Mrs. Glossop, "what do you think we had better do let -Mr. Brown drive the Old People to Nancy Taylor's one at a time, or put -both of them in the buggy, and him lead the horse?" - -Brown gasped. - -"Now, then, that's a question," said Mrs. Enderby. "You see, we are all -tired out, and any way we fix it it's going to be difficult. For if Mr. -Brown takes both of them, at least one of us must, go back to help him, -for he can't load them into the buggy by himself, and they so helpless." - -"That is so," said Mrs. Taylor. "It doesn't look-oh, how would this do? ---one of us drive there with Mr. Brown, and the rest of you go along to -my house and get things ready. I'll go with him. He and I together can -lift one of the Old People into the buggy; then drive her to my house -and---- - -"But who will take care of the other one?" said Mrs. Enderby. "We -musn't leave her there in the woods alone, you know--especially the crazy -one. There and back is eight miles, you see." - -They had all been sitting on the grass beside the buggy for a while, now, -trying to rest their weary bodies. They fell silent a moment or two, and -struggled in thought over the baffling situation; then Mrs. Enderby -brightened and said: - -"I think I've got the idea, now. You see, we can't walk any more. Think -what we've done: four miles there, two to Moseley's, is six, then back to -here--nine miles since noon, and not a bite to eat; I declare I don't see -how we've done it; and as for me, I am just famishing. Now, somebody's -got to go back, to help Mr. Brown--there's no getting mound that; but -whoever goes has got to ride, not walk. So my idea is this: one of us to -ride back with Mr. Brown, then ride to Nancy Taylor's house with one of -the Old People, leaving Mr. Brown to keep the other old one company, you -all to go now to Nancy's and rest and wait; then one of you drive back -and get the other one and drive her to Nancy's, and Mr. Brown walk." - -"Splendid!" they all cried. "Oh, that will do--that will answer -perfectly." And they all said that Mrs. Enderby had the best head for -planning, in the company; and they said that they wondered that they -hadn't thought of this simple plan themselves. They hadn't meant to take -back the compliment, good simple souls, and didn't know they had done it. -After a consultation it was decided that Mrs. Enderby should drive back -with Brown, she being entitled to the distinction because she had -invented the plan. Everything now being satisfactorily arranged and -settled, the ladies rose, relieved and happy, and brushed down their -gowns, and three of them started homeward; Mrs. Enderby set her foot on -the buggy-step and was about to climb in, when Brown found a remnant of -his voice and gasped out-- - -"Please Mrs. Enderby, call them back -I am very weak; I can't walk, I -can't, indeed." - -"Why, dear Mr. Brown! You do look pale; I am ashamed of myself that I -didn't notice it sooner. Come back-all of you! Mr. Brown is not well. -Is there anything I can do for you, Mr. Brown?--I'm real sorry. Are you -in pain?" - -"No, madam, only weak; I am not sick, but only just weak--lately; not -long, but just lately." - -The others came back, and poured out their sympathies and commiserations, -and were full of self-reproaches for not having noticed how pale he was. - -And they at once struck out a new plan, and soon agreed that it was by -far the best of all. They would all go to Nancy Taylor's house and see -to Brown's needs first. He could lie on the sofa in the parlor, and -while Mrs. Taylor and Mary took care of him the other two ladies would -take the buggy and go and get one of the Old People, and leave one of -themselves with the other one, and---- - -By this time, without any solicitation, they were at the horse's head and -were beginning to turn him around. The danger was imminent, but Brown -found his voice again and saved himself. He said-- - -"But ladies, you are overlooking something which makes the plan -impracticable. You see, if you bring one of them home, and one remains -behind with the other, there will be three persons there when one of you -comes back for that other, for some one must drive the buggy back, and -three can't come home in it." - -They all exclaimed, "Why, sure-ly, that is so!" and they were, all -perplexed again. - -"Dear, dear, what can we do?" said Mrs. Glossop;" it is the most mixed- -up thing that ever was. The fox and the goose and the corn and things-- -oh, dear, they are nothing to it." - -They sat wearily down once more, to further torture their tormented heads -for a plan that would work. Presently Mary offered a plan; it was her -first effort. She said: - -"I am young and strong, and am refreshed, now. Take Mr. Brown to our -house, and give him help--you see how plainly he needs it. I will go -back and take care of the Old People; I can be there in twenty minutes. -You can go on and do what you first started to do--wait on the main road -at our house until somebody comes along with a wagon; then send and bring -away the three of us. You won't have to wait long; the farmers will soon -be coming back from town, now. I will keep old Polly patient and cheered -up--the crazy one doesn't need it." - -This plan was discussed and accepted; it seemed the best that could be -done, in the circumstances, and the Old People must be getting -discouraged by this time. - -Brown felt relieved, and was deeply thankful. Let him once get to the -main road and he would find a way to escape. - -Then Mrs. Taylor said: - -"The evening chill will be coming on, pretty soon, and those poor old -burnt-out things will need some kind of covering. Take the lap-robe with -you, dear." - -"Very well, Mother, I will." - -She stepped to the buggy and put out her hand to take it---- - -That was the end of the tale. The passenger who told it said that when -he read the story twenty-five years ago in a train he was interrupted at -that point--the train jumped off a bridge. - -At first we thought we could finish the story quite easily, and we set to -work with confidence; but it soon began to appear that it was not a -simple thing, but difficult and baffling. This was on account of Brown's -character--great generosity and kindliness, but complicated with unusual -shyness and diffidence, particularly in the presence of ladies. There -was his love for Mary, in a hopeful state but not yet secure--just in a -condition, indeed, where its affair must be handled with great tact, and -no mistakes made, no offense given. And there was the mother wavering, -half willing-by adroit and flawless diplomacy to be won over, now, or -perhaps never at all. Also, there were the helpless Old People yonder in -the woods waiting-their fate and Brown's happiness to be determined by -what Brown should do within the next two seconds. Mary was reaching for -the lap-robe; Brown must decide-there was no time to be lost. - -Of course none but a happy ending of the story would be accepted by the -jury; the finish must find Brown in high credit with the ladies, his -behavior without blemish, his modesty unwounded, his character for self -sacrifice maintained, the Old People rescued through him, their -benefactor, all the party proud of him, happy in him, his praises on all -their tongues. - -We tried to arrange this, but it was beset with persistent and -irreconcilable difficulties. We saw that Brown's shyness would not allow -him to give up the lap-robe. This would offend Mary and her mother; and -it would surprise the other ladies, partly because this stinginess toward -the suffering Old People would be out of character with Brown, and partly -because he was a special Providence and could not properly act so. If -asked to explain his conduct, his shyness would not allow him to tell the -truth, and lack of invention and practice would find him incapable of -contriving a lie that would wash. We worked at the troublesome problem -until three in the morning. - -Meantime Mary was still reaching for the lap-robe. We gave it up, and -decided to let her continue to reach. It is the reader's privilege to -determine for himself how the thing came out. - - - - -CHAPTER III. - -It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -On the seventh day out we saw a dim vast bulk standing up out of the -wastes of the Pacific and knew that that spectral promontory was Diamond -Head, a piece of this world which I had not seen before for twenty-nine -years. So we were nearing Honolulu, the capital city of the Sandwich -Islands--those islands which to me were Paradise; a Paradise which I had -been longing all those years to see again. Not any other thing in the -world could have stirred me as the sight of that great rock did. - -In the night we anchored a mile from shore. Through my port I could see -the twinkling lights of Honolulu and the dark bulk of the mountain-range -that stretched away right and left. I could not make out the beautiful -Nuuana valley, but I knew where it lay, and remembered how it used to -look in the old times. We used to ride up it on horseback in those days ---we young people--and branch off and gather bones in a sandy region -where one of the first Kamehameha's battles was fought. He was a -remarkable man, for a king; and he was also a remarkable man for a -savage. He was a mere kinglet and of little or no consequence at the -time of Captain Cook's arrival in 1788; but about four years afterward he -conceived the idea of enlarging his sphere of influence. That is a -courteous modern phrase which means robbing your neighbor--for your -neighbor's benefit; and the great theater of its benevolences is Africa. -Kamehameha went to war, and in the course of ten years he whipped out all -the other kings and made himself master of every one of the nine or ten -islands that form the group. But he did more than that. He bought -ships, freighted them with sandal wood and other native products, and -sent them as far as South America and China; he sold to his savages the -foreign stuffs and tools and utensils which came back in these ships, and -started the march of civilization. It is doubtful if the match to this -extraordinary thing is to be found in the history of any other savage. -Savages are eager to learn from the white man any new way to kill each -other, but it is not their habit to seize with avidity and apply with -energy the larger and nobler ideas which he offers them. The details of -Kamehameha's history show that he was always hospitably ready to examine -the white man's ideas, and that he exercised a tidy discrimination in -making his selections from the samples placed on view. - -A shrewder discrimination than was exhibited by his son and successor, -Liholiho, I think. Liholiho could have qualified as a reformer, perhaps, -but as a king he was a mistake. A mistake because he tried to be both -king and reformer. This is mixing fire and gunpowder together. A king -has no proper business with reforming. His best policy is to keep things -as they are; and if he can't do that, he ought to try to make them worse -than they are. This is not guesswork; I have thought over this matter a -good deal, so that if I should ever have a chance to become a king I -would know how to conduct the business in the best way. - -When Liholiho succeeded his father he found himself possessed of an -equipment of royal tools and safeguards which a wiser king would have -known how to husband, and judiciously employ, and make profitable. The -entire country was under the one scepter, and his was that scepter. -There was an Established Church, and he was the head of it. There was a -Standing Army, and he was the head of that; an Army of 114 privates under -command of 27 Generals and a Field Marshal. There was a proud and -ancient Hereditary Nobility. There was still one other asset. This was -the tabu--an agent endowed with a mysterious and stupendous power, an -agent not found among the properties of any European monarch, a tool of -inestimable value in the business. Liholiho was headmaster of the tabu. -The tabu was the most ingenious and effective of all the inventions that -has ever been devised for keeping a people's privileges satisfactorily -restricted. - -It required the sexes to live in separate houses. It did not allow -people to eat in either house; they must eat in another place. It did -not allow a man's woman-folk to enter his house. It did not allow the -sexes to eat together; the men must eat first, and the women must wait on -them. Then the women could eat what was left--if anything was left--and -wait on themselves. I mean, if anything of a coarse or unpalatable sort -was left, the women could have it. But not the good things, the fine -things, the choice things, such as pork, poultry, bananas, cocoanuts, the -choicer varieties of fish, and so on. By the tabu, all these were sacred -to the men; the women spent their lives longing for them and wondering -what they might taste like; and they died without finding out. - -These rules, as you see, were quite simple and clear. It was easy to -remember them; and useful. For the penalty for infringing any rule in -the whole list was death. Those women easily learned to put up with -shark and taro and dog for a diet when the other things were so -expensive. - -It was death for any one to walk upon tabu'd ground; or defile a tabu'd -thing with his touch; or fail in due servility to a chief; or step upon -the king's shadow. The nobles and the King and the priests were always -suspending little rags here and there and yonder, to give notice to the -people that the decorated spot or thing was tabu, and death lurking near. -The struggle for life was difficult and chancy in the islands in those -days. - -Thus advantageously was the new king situated. Will it be believed that -the first thing he did was to destroy his Established Church, root and -branch? He did indeed do that. To state the case figuratively, he was a -prosperous sailor who burnt his ship and took to a raft. This Church was -a horrid thing. It heavily oppressed the people; it kept them always -trembling in the gloom of mysterious threatenings; it slaughtered them in -sacrifice before its grotesque idols of wood and stone; it cowed them, it -terrorized them, it made them slaves to its priests, and through the -priests to the king. It was the best friend a king could have, and the -most dependable. To a professional reformer who should annihilate so -frightful and so devastating a power as this Church, reverence and praise -would be due; but to a king who should do it, could properly be due -nothing but reproach; reproach softened by sorrow; sorrow for his -unfitness for his position. - -He destroyed his Established Church, and his kingdom is a republic today, -in consequence of that act. - -When he destroyed the Church and burned the idols he did a mighty thing -for civilization and for his people's weal--but it was not "business." -It was unkingly, it was inartistic. It made trouble for his line. The -American missionaries arrived while the burned idols were still smoking. -They found the nation without a religion, and they repaired the defect. -They offered their own religion and it was gladly received. But it was -no support to arbitrary kingship, and so the kingly power began to weaken -from that day. Forty-seven years later, when I was in the islands, -Kainehameha V. was trying to repair Liholiho's blunder, and not -succeeding. He had set up an Established Church and made himself the -head of it. But it was only a pinchbeck thing, an imitation, a bauble, -an empty show. It had no power, no value for a king. It could not harry -or burn or slay, it in no way resembled the admirable machine which -Liholiho destroyed. It was an Established Church without an -Establishment; all the people were Dissenters. - -Long before that, the kingship had itself become but a name, a show. At -an early day the missionaries had turned it into something very much like -a republic; and here lately the business whites have turned it into -something exactly like it. - -In Captain Cook's time (1778), the native population of the islands was -estimated at 400,000; in 1836 at something short of 200,000, in 1866 at -50,000; it is to-day, per census, 25,000. All intelligent people praise -Kamehameha I. and Liholiho for conferring upon their people the great -boon of civilization. I would do it myself, but my intelligence is out -of repair, now, from over-work. - -When I was in the islands nearly a generation ago, I was acquainted with -a young American couple who had among their belongings an attractive -little son of the age of seven--attractive but not practicably -companionable with me, because he knew no English. He had played from -his birth with the little Kanakas on his father's plantation, and had -preferred their language and would learn no other. The family removed to -America a month after I arrived in the islands, and straightway the boy -began to lose his Kanaka and pick up English. By the time he was twelve -be hadn't a word of Kanaka left; the language had wholly departed from -his tongue and from his comprehension. Nine years later, when he was -twenty-one, I came upon the family in one of the lake towns of New York, -and the mother told me about an adventure which her son had been having. -By trade he was now a professional diver. A passenger boat had been -caught in a storm on the lake, and had gone down, carrying her people -with her. A few days later the young diver descended, with his armor on, -and entered the berth-saloon of the boat, and stood at the foot of the -companionway, with his hand on the rail, peering through the dim water. -Presently something touched him on the shoulder, and he turned and found -a dead man swaying and bobbing about him and seemingly inspecting him -inquiringly. He was paralyzed with fright. His entry had disturbed the -water, and now he discerned a number of dim corpses making for him and -wagging their heads and swaying their bodies like sleepy people trying to -dance. His senses forsook him, and in that condition he was drawn to the -surface. He was put to bed at home, and was soon very ill. During some -days he had seasons of delirium which lasted several hours at a time; and -while they lasted he talked Kanaka incessantly and glibly; and Kanaka -only. He was still very ill, and he talked to me in that tongue; but I -did not understand it, of course. The doctor-books tell us that cases -like this are not uncommon. Then the doctors ought to study the cases -and find out how to multiply them. Many languages and things get mislaid -in a person's head, and stay mislaid for lack of this remedy. - -Many memories of my former visit to the islands came up in my mind while -we lay at anchor in front of Honolulu that night. And pictures--pictures -pictures--an enchanting procession of them! I was impatient for the -morning to come. - -When it came it brought disappointment, of course. Cholera had broken -out in the town, and we were not allowed to have any communication with -the shore. Thus suddenly did my dream of twenty-nine years go to ruin. -Messages came from friends, but the friends themselves I was not to have -any sight of. My lecture-hall was ready, but I was not to see that, -either. - -Several of our passengers belonged in Honolulu, and these were sent -ashore; but nobody could go ashore and return. There were people on -shore who were booked to go with us to Australia, but we could not -receive them; to do it would cost us a quarantine-term in Sydney. They -could have escaped the day before, by ship to San Francisco; but the bars -had been put up, now, and they might have to wait weeks before any ship -could venture to give them a passage any whither. And there were -hardships for others. An elderly lady and her son, recreation-seekers -from Massachusetts, had wandered westward, further and further from home, -always intending to take the return track, but always concluding to go -still a little further; and now here they were at anchor before Honolulu -positively their last westward-bound indulgence--they had made up their -minds to that--but where is the use in making up your mind in this world? -It is usually a waste of time to do it. These two would have to stay -with us as far as Australia. Then they could go on around the world, or -go back the way they had come; the distance and the accommodations and -outlay of time would be just the same, whichever of the two routes they -might elect to take. Think of it: a projected excursion of five hundred -miles gradually enlarged, without any elaborate degree of intention, to a -possible twenty-four thousand. However, they were used to extensions by -this time, and did not mind this new one much. - -And we had with us a lawyer from Victoria, who had been sent out by the -Government on an international matter, and he had brought his wife with -him and left the children at home with the servants and now what was to -be done? Go ashore amongst the cholera and take the risks? Most -certainly not. They decided to go on, to the Fiji islands, wait there a -fortnight for the next ship, and then sail for home. They couldn't -foresee that they wouldn't see a homeward-bound ship again for six weeks, -and that no word could come to them from the children, and no word go -from them to the children in all that time. It is easy to make plans in -this world; even a cat can do it; and when one is out in those remote -oceans it is noticeable that a cat's plans and a man's are worth about -the same. There is much the same shrinkage in both, in the matter of -values. - -There was nothing for us to do but sit about the decks in the shade of -the awnings and look at the distant shore. We lay in luminous blue -water; shoreward the water was green-green and brilliant; at the shore -itself it broke in a long white ruffle, and with no crash, no sound that -we could hear. The town was buried under a mat of foliage that looked -like a cushion of moss. The silky mountains were clothed in soft, rich -splendors of melting color, and some of the cliffs were veiled in -slanting mists. I recognized it all. It was just as I had seen it long -before, with nothing of its beauty lost, nothing of its charm wanting. - -A change had come, but that was political, and not visible from the ship. -The monarchy of my day was gone, and a republic was sitting in its seat. -It was not a material change. The old imitation pomps, the fuss and -feathers, have departed, and the royal trademark--that is about all that -one could miss, I suppose. That imitation monarchy, was grotesque -enough, in my time; if it had held on another thirty years it would have -been a monarchy without subjects of the king's race. - -We had a sunset of a very fine sort. The vast plain of the sea was -marked off in bands of sharply-contrasted colors: great stretches of dark -blue, others of purple, others of polished bronze; the billowy mountains -showed all sorts of dainty browns and greens, blues and purples and -blacks, and the rounded velvety backs of certain of them made one want to -stroke them, as one would the sleek back of a cat. The long, sloping -promontory projecting into the sea at the west turned dim and leaden and -spectral, then became suffused with pink--dissolved itself in a pink -dream, so to speak, it seemed so airy and unreal. Presently the cloud- -rack was flooded with fiery splendors, and these were copied on the -surface of the sea, and it made one drunk with delight to look upon it. - ->From talks with certain of our passengers whose home was Honolulu, and -from a sketch by Mrs. Mary H. Krout, I was able to perceive what the -Honolulu of to-day is, as compared with the Honolulu of my time. In my -time it was a beautiful little town, made up of snow-white wooden -cottages deliciously smothered in tropical vines and flowers and trees -and shrubs; and its coral roads and streets were hard and smooth, and as -white as the houses. The outside aspects of the place suggested the -presence of a modest and comfortable prosperity--a general prosperity-- -perhaps one might strengthen the term and say universal. There were no -fine houses, no fine furniture. There were no decorations. Tallow -candles furnished the light for the bedrooms, a whale-oil lamp furnished -it for the parlor. Native matting served as carpeting. In the parlor -one would find two or three lithographs on the walls--portraits as a -rule: Kamehameha IV., Louis Kossuth, Jenny Lind; and may be an engraving -or two: Rebecca at the Well, Moses smiting the rock, Joseph's servants -finding the cup in Benjamin's sack. There would be a center table, with -books of a tranquil sort on it: The Whole Duty of Man, Baxter's Saints' -Rest, Fox's Martyrs, Tupper's Proverbial Philosophy, bound copies of The -Missionary Herald and of Father Damon's Seaman's Friend. A melodeon; a -music stand, with 'Willie, We have Missed You', 'Star of the Evening', -'Roll on Silver Moon', 'Are We Most There', 'I Would not Live Alway', and -other songs of love and sentiment, together with an assortment of hymns. -A what-not with semi-globular glass paperweights, enclosing miniature -pictures of ships, New England rural snowstorms, and the like; sea-shells -with Bible texts carved on them in cameo style; native curios; whale's -tooth with full-rigged ship carved on it. There was nothing reminiscent -of foreign parts, for nobody had been abroad. Trips were made to San -Francisco, but that could not be called going abroad. Comprehensively -speaking, nobody traveled. - -But Honolulu has grown wealthy since then, and of course wealth has -introduced changes; some of the old simplicities have disappeared. Here -is a modern house, as pictured by Mrs. Krout: - - "Almost every house is surrounded by extensive lawns and gardens - enclosed by walls of volcanic stone or by thick hedges of the - brilliant hibiscus. - - "The houses are most tastefully and comfortably furnished; the - floors are either of hard wood covered with rugs or with fine Indian - matting, while there is a preference, as in most warm countries, for - rattan or bamboo furniture; there are the usual accessories of bric- - a-brac, pictures, books, and curios from all parts of the world, for - these island dwellers are indefatigable travelers. - - "Nearly every house has what is called a lanai. It is a large - apartment, roofed, floored, open on three sides, with a door or a - draped archway opening into the drawing-room. Frequently the roof - is formed by the thick interlacing boughs of the hou tree, - impervious to the sun and even to the rain, except in violent - storms. Vines are trained about the sides--the stephanotis or some - one of the countless fragrant and blossoming trailers which abound - in the islands. There are also curtains of matting that may be - drawn to exclude the sun or rain. The floor is bare for coolness, - or partially covered with rugs, and the lanai is prettily furnished - with comfortable chairs, sofas, and tables loaded with flowers, or - wonderful ferns in pots. - - "The lanai is the favorite reception room, and here at any social - function the musical program is given and cakes and ices are served; - here morning callers are received, or gay riding parties, the ladies - in pretty divided skirts, worn for convenience in riding astride,-- - the universal mode adopted by Europeans and Americans, as well as by - the natives. - - "The comfort and luxury of such an apartment, especially at a - seashore villa, can hardly be imagined. The soft breezes sweep - across it, heavy with the fragrance of jasmine and gardenia, and - through the swaying boughs of palm and mimosa there are glimpses of - rugged mountains, their summits veiled in clouds, of purple sea with - the white surf beating eternally against the reefs, whiter still in - the yellow sunlight or the magical moonlight of the tropics." - -There: rugs, ices, pictures, lanais, worldly books, sinful bric-a-brac -fetched from everywhere. And the ladies riding astride. These are -changes, indeed. In my time the native women rode astride, but the white -ones lacked the courage to adopt their wise custom. In my time ice was -seldom seen in Honolulu. It sometimes came in sailing vessels from New -England as ballast; and then, if there happened to be a man-of-war in -port and balls and suppers raging by consequence, the ballast was worth -six hundred dollars a ton, as is evidenced by reputable tradition. But -the ice-machine has traveled all over the world, now, and brought ice -within everybody's reach. In Lapland and Spitzbergen no one uses native -ice in our day, except the bears and the walruses. - -The bicycle is not mentioned. It was not necessary. We know that it is -there, without inquiring. It is everywhere. But for it, people could -never have had summer homes on the summit of Mont Blanc; before its day, -property up there had but a nominal value. The ladies of the Hawaiian -capital learned too late the right way to occupy a horse--too late to get -much benefit from it. The riding-horse is retiring from business -everywhere in the world. In Honolulu a few years from now he will be -only a tradition. - -We all know about Father Damien, the French priest who voluntarily -forsook the world and went to the leper island of Molokai to labor among -its population of sorrowful exiles who wait there, in slow-consuming -misery, for death to cone and release them from their troubles; and we -know that the thing which he knew beforehand would happen, did happen: -that he became a leper himself, and died of that horrible disease. There -was still another case of self-sacrifice, it appears. I asked after -"Billy" Ragsdale, interpreter to the Parliament in my time--a half-white. -He was a brilliant young fellow, and very popular. As an interpreter he -would have been hard to match anywhere. He used to stand up in the -Parliament and turn the English speeches into Hawaiian and the Hawaiian -speeches into English with a readiness and a volubility that were -astonishing. I asked after him, and was told that his prosperous career -was cut short in a sudden and unexpected way, just as he was about to -marry a beautiful half-caste girl. He discovered, by some nearly -invisible sign about his skin, that the poison of leprosy was in him. -The secret was his own, and might be kept concealed for years; but he -would not be treacherous to the girl that loved him; he would not marry -her to a doom like his. And so he put his affairs in order, and went -around to all his friends and bade them good-bye, and sailed in the leper -ship to Molokai. There he died the loathsome and lingering death that -all lepers die. - -In this place let me insert a paragraph or two from 11 The Paradise of -the Pacific" (Rev. H. H. Gowen)-- - - "Poor lepers! It is easy for those who have no relatives or friends - among them to enforce the decree of segregation to the letter, but - who can write of the terrible, the heart-breaking scenes which that - enforcement has brought about? - - "A man upon Hawaii was suddenly taken away after a summary arrest, - leaving behind him a helpless wife about to give birth to a babe. - The devoted wife with great pain and risk came the whole journey to - Honolulu, and pleaded until the authorities were unable to resist - her entreaty that she might go and live like a leper with her leper - husband. - - "A woman in the prime of life and activity is condemned as an - incipient leper, suddenly removed from her home, and her husband - returns to find his two helpless babes moaning for their lost - mother. - - "Imagine it! The case of the babies is hard, but its bitterness is - a trifle--less than a trifle--less than nothing--compared to what - the mother must suffer; and suffer minute by minute, hour by hour, - day by day, month by month, year by year, without respite, relief, - or any abatement of her pain till she dies. - - "One woman, Luka Kaaukau, has been living with her leper husband in - the settlement for twelve years. The man has scarcely a joint left, - his limbs are only distorted ulcerated stumps, for four years his - wife has put every particle of food into his mouth. He wanted his - wife to abandon his wretched carcass long ago, as she herself was - sound and well, but Luka said that she was content to remain and - wait on the man she loved till the spirit should be freed from its - burden. - - "I myself have known hard cases enough:--of a girl, apparently in - full health, decorating the church with me at Easter, who before - Christmas is taken away as a confirmed leper; of a mother hiding her - child in the mountains for years so that not even her dearest - friends knew that she had a child alive, that he might not be taken - away; of a respectable white man taken away from his wife and - family, and compelled to become a dweller in the Leper Settlement, - where he is counted dead, even by the insurance companies." - -And one great pity of it all is, that these poor sufferers are innocent. -The leprosy does not come of sins which they committed, but of sins -committed by their ancestors, who escaped the curse of leprosy! - -Mr. Gowan has made record of a certain very striking circumstance. Would -you expect to find in that awful Leper Settlement a custom worthy to be -transplanted to your own country? They have one such, and it is -inexpressibly touching and beautiful. When death sets open the prison- -door of life there, the band salutes the freed soul with a burst of glad -music! - - - - -CHAPTER IV. - -A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic -compliment. ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -Sailed from Honolulu.- From diary: - -Sept. 2. Flocks of flying fish-slim, shapely, graceful, and intensely -white. With the sun on them they look like a flight of silver fruit- -knives. They are able to fly a hundred yards. - -Sept. 3. In 9 deg. 50' north latitude, at breakfast. Approaching the -equator on a long slant. Those of us who have never seen the equator are -a good deal excited. I think I would rather see it than any other thing -in the world. We entered the "doldrums" last night--variable winds, -bursts of rain, intervals of calm, with chopping seas and a wobbly and -drunken motion to the ship--a condition of things findable in other -regions sometimes, but present in the doldrums always. The globe- -girdling belt called the doldrums is 20 degrees wide, and the thread -called the equator lies along the middle of it. - -Sept. 4. Total eclipse of the moon last night. At 1.30 it began to go -off. At total--or about that--it was like a rich rosy cloud with a -tumbled surface framed in the circle and projecting from it--a bulge of -strawberry-ice, so to speak. At half-eclipse the moon was like a gilded -acorn in its cup. - -Sept. 5. Closing in on the equator this noon. A sailor explained to a -young girl that the ship's speed is poor because we are climbing up the -bulge toward the center of the globe; but that when we should once get -over, at the equator, and start down-hill, we should fly. When she asked -him the other day what the fore-yard was, he said it was the front yard, -the open area in the front end of the ship. That man has a good deal of -learning stored up, and the girl is likely to get it all. - -Afternoon. Crossed the equator. In the distance it looked like a blue -ribbon stretched across the ocean. Several passengers kodak'd it. We -had no fool ceremonies, no fantastics, no horse play. All that sort of -thing has gone out. In old times a sailor, dressed as Neptune, used to -come in over the bows, with his suite, and lather up and shave everybody -who was crossing the equator for the first time, and then cleanse these -unfortunates by swinging them from the yard-arm and ducking them three -times in the sea. This was considered funny. Nobody knows why. No, that -is not true. We do know why. Such a thing could never be funny on land; -no part of the old-time grotesque performances gotten up on shipboard to -celebrate the passage of the line would ever be funny on shore--they -would seem dreary and less to shore people. But the shore people would -change their minds about it at sea, on a long voyage. On such a voyage, -with its eternal monotonies, people's intellects deteriorate; the owners -of the intellects soon reach a point where they almost seem to prefer -childish things to things of a maturer degree. One is often surprised at -the juvenilities which grown people indulge in at sea, and the interest -they take in them, and the consuming enjoyment they get out of them. -This is on long voyages only. The mind gradually becomes inert, dull, -blunted; it loses its accustomed interest in intellectual things; nothing -but horse-play can rouse it, nothing but wild and foolish grotesqueries -can entertain it. On short voyages it makes no such exposure of itself; -it hasn't time to slump down to this sorrowful level. - -The short-voyage passenger gets his chief physical exercise out of -"horse-billiards"--shovel-board. It is a good game. We play it in this -ship. A quartermaster chalks off a diagram like this-on the deck. - -The player uses a cue that is like a broom-handle with a quarter-moon of -wood fastened to the end of it. With this he shoves wooden disks the -size of a saucer--he gives the disk a vigorous shove and sends it fifteen -or twenty feet along the deck and lands it in one of the squares if he -can. If it stays there till the inning is played out, it will count as -many points in the game as the figure in the square it has stopped in -represents. The adversary plays to knock that disk out and leave his own -in its place--particularly if it rests upon the 9 or 10 or some other of -the high numbers; but if it rests in the "10off" he backs it up--lands -his disk behind it a foot or two, to make it difficult for its owner to -knock it out of that damaging place and improve his record. When the -inning is played out it may be found that each adversary has placed his -four disks where they count; it may be found that some of them are -touching chalk lines and not counting; and very often it will be found -that there has been a general wreckage, and that not a disk has been left -within the diagram. Anyway, the result is recorded, whatever it is, and -the game goes on. The game is 100 points, and it takes from twenty -minutes to forty to play it, according to luck and the condition of the -sea. It is an exciting game, and the crowd of spectators furnish -abundance of applause for fortunate shots and plenty of laughter for the -other kind. It is a game of skill, but at the same time the uneasy -motion of the ship is constantly interfering with skill; this makes it a -chancy game, and the element of luck comes largely in. - -We had a couple of grand tournaments, to determine who should be -"Champion of the Pacific"; they included among the participants nearly -all the passengers, of both sexes, and the officers of the ship, and they -afforded many days of stupendous interest and excitement, and murderous -exercise--for horse-billiards is a physically violent game. - -The figures in the following record of some of the closing games in the -first tournament will show, better than any description, how very chancy -the game is. The losers here represented had all been winners in the -previous games of the series, some of them by fine majorities: - -Chase,102 Mrs. D.,57 Mortimer, 105 The Surgeon, 92 -Miss C.,105 Mrs. T.,9 Clemens, 101 Taylor,92 -Taylor,109 Davies,95 Miss C., 108 Mortimer,55 -Thomas,102 Roper,76 Clemens, 111 Miss C.,89 -Coomber, 106 Chase,98 - -And so on; until but three couples of winners were left. Then I beat my -man, young Smith beat his man, and Thomas beat his. This reduced the -combatants to three. Smith and I took the deck, and I led off. At the -close of the first inning I was 10 worse than nothing and Smith had -scored 7. The luck continued against me. When I was 57, Smith was 97-- -within 3 of out. The luck changed then. He picked up a 10-off or so, -and couldn't recover. I beat him. - -The next game would end tournament No. 1. - -Mr. Thomas and I were the contestants. He won the lead and went to the -bat--so to speak. And there he stood, with the crotch of his cue resting -against his disk while the ship rose slowly up, sank slowly down, rose -again, sank again. She never seemed to rise to suit him exactly. She -started up once more; and when she was nearly ready for the turn, he let -drive and landed his disk just within the left-hand end of the 10. -(Applause). The umpire proclaimed " a good 10," and the game-keeper set -it down. I played: my disk grazed the edge of Mr. Thomas's disk, and -went out of the diagram. (No applause.) - -Mr. Thomas played again--and landed his second disk alongside of the -first, and almost touching its right-hand side. " Good 10." (Great -applause.) - -I played, and missed both of them. (No applause.) - -Mr. Thomas delivered his third shot and landed his disk just at the right -of the other two. " Good 10." (Immense applause.) - -There they lay, side by side, the three in a row. It did not seem -possible that anybody could miss them. Still I did it. (Immense -silence.) - -Mr. Thomas played his last disk. It seems incredible, but he actually -landed that disk alongside of the others, and just to the right of them-a -straight solid row of 4 disks. (Tumultuous and long-continued applause.) - -Then I played my last disk. Again it did not seem possible that anybody -could miss that row--a row which would have been 14 inches long if the -disks had been clamped together; whereas, with the spaces separating them -they made a longer row than that. But I did it. It may be that I was -getting nervous. - -I think it unlikely that that innings has ever had its parallel in the -history of horse-billiards. To place the four disks side by side in the -10 was an extraordinary feat; indeed, it was a kind of miracle. To miss -them was another miracle. It will take a century to produce another man -who can place the four disks in the 10; and longer than that to find a -man who can't knock them out. I was ashamed of my performance at the -time, but now that I reflect upon it I see that it was rather fine and -difficult. - -Mr. Thomas kept his luck, and won the game, and later the championship. - -In a minor tournament I won the prize, which was a Waterbury watch. I -put it in my trunk. In Pretoria, South Africa, nine months afterward, my -proper watch broke down and I took the Waterbury out, wound it, set it by -the great clock on the Parliament House (8.05), then went back to my room -and went to bed, tired from a long railway journey. The parliamentary -clock had a peculiarity which I was not aware of at the time-- -a peculiarity which exists in no other clock, and would not exist in that -one if it had been made by a sane person; on the half-hour it strikes the -succeeding hour, then strikes the hour again, at the proper time. I lay -reading and smoking awhile; then, when I could hold my eyes open no -longer and was about to put out the light, the great clock began to boom, -and I counted ten. I reached for the Waterbury to see how it was getting -along. It was marking 9.30. It seemed rather poor speed for a three- -dollar watch, but I supposed that the climate was affecting it. I shoved -it half an hour ahead; and took to my book and waited to see what would -happen. At 10 the great clock struck ten again. I looked--the Waterbury -was marking half-past 10. This was too much speed for the money, and it -troubled me. I pushed the hands back a half hour, and waited once more; -I had to, for I was vexed and restless now, and my sleepiness was gone. -By and by the great clock struck 11. The Waterbury was marking 10.30. I -pushed it ahead half an hour, with some show of temper. By and by the -great clock struck 11 again. The Waterbury showed up 11.30, now, and I -beat her brains out against the bedstead. I was sorry next day, when I -found out. - -To return to the ship. - -The average human being is a perverse creature; and when he isn't that, -he is a practical joker. The result to the other person concerned is -about the same: that is, he is made to suffer. The washing down of the -decks begins at a very early hour in all ships; in but few ships are any -measures taken to protect the passengers, either by waking or warning -them, or by sending a steward to close their ports. And so the -deckwashers have their opportunity, and they use it. They send a bucket -of water slashing along the side of the ship and into the ports, -drenching the passenger's clothes, and often the passenger himself. This -good old custom prevailed in this ship, and under unusually favorable -circumstances, for in the blazing tropical regions a removable zinc thing -like a sugarshovel projects from the port to catch the wind and bring it -in; this thing catches the wash-water and brings it in, too--and in -flooding abundance. Mrs. L, an invalid, had to sleep on the locker--sofa -under her port, and every time she over-slept and thus failed to take -care of herself, the deck-washers drowned her out. - -And the painters, what a good time they had! This ship would be going -into dock for a month in Sydney for repairs; but no matter, painting was -going on all the time somewhere or other. The ladies' dresses were -constantly getting ruined, nevertheless protests and supplications went -for nothing. Sometimes a lady, taking an afternoon nap on deck near a -ventilator or some other thing that didn't need painting, would wake up -by and by and find that the humorous painter had been noiselessly daubing -that thing and had splattered her white gown all over with little greasy -yellow spots. - -The blame for this untimely painting did not lie with the ship's -officers, but with custom. As far back as Noah's time it became law that -ships must be constantly painted and fussed at when at sea; custom grew -out of the law, and at sea custom knows no death; this custom will -continue until the sea goes dry. - -Sept. 8.--Sunday. We are moving so nearly south that we cross only about -two meridians of longitude a day. This morning we were in longitude 178 -west from Greenwich, and 57 degrees west from San Francisco. To-morrow -we shall be close to the center of the globe--the 180th degree of west -longitude and 180th degree of east longitude. - -And then we must drop out a day-lose a day out of our lives, a day never -to be found again. We shall all die one day earlier than from the -beginning of time we were foreordained to die. We shall be a day -behindhand all through eternity. We shall always be saying to the other -angels, "Fine day today," and they will be always retorting, "But it -isn't to-day, it's tomorrow." We shall be in a state of confusion all the -time and shall never know what true happiness is. - -Next Day. Sure enough, it has happened. Yesterday it was September 8, -Sunday; to-day, per the bulletin-board at the head of the companionway, -it is September 10, Tuesday. There is something uncanny about it. And -uncomfortable. In fact, nearly unthinkable, and wholly unrealizable, -when one comes to consider it. While we were crossing the 180th meridian -it was Sunday in the stern of the ship where my family were, and Tuesday -in the bow where I was. They were there eating the half of a fresh apple -on the 8th, and I was at the same time eating the other half of it on the -10th--and I could notice how stale it was, already. The family were the -same age that they were when I had left them five minutes before, but I -was a day older now than I was then. The day they were living in -stretched behind them half way round the globe, across the Pacific Ocean -and America and Europe; the day I was living in stretched in front of me -around the other half to meet it. They were stupendous days for bulk and -stretch; apparently much larger days than we had ever been in before. -All previous days had been but shrunk-up little things by comparison. -The difference in temperature between the two days was very marked, their -day being hotter than mine because it was closer to the equator. - -Along about the moment that we were crossing the Great Meridian a child -was born in the steerage, and now there is no way to tell which day it -was born on. The nurse thinks it was Sunday, the surgeon thinks it was -Tuesday. The child will never know its own birthday. It will always be -choosing first one and then the other, and will never be able to make up -its mind permanently. This will breed vacillation and uncertainty in its -opinions about religion, and politics, and business, and sweethearts, and -everything, and will undermine its principles, and rot them away, and -make the poor thing characterless, and its success in life impossible. -Every one in the ship says so. And this is not all--in fact, not the -worst. For there is an enormously rich brewer in the ship who said as -much as ten days ago, that if the child was born on his birthday he would -give it ten thousand dollars to start its little life with. His birthday -was Monday, the 9th of September. - -If the ships all moved in the one direction--westward, I mean--the world -would suffer a prodigious loss--in the matter of valuable time, through -the dumping overboard on the Great Meridian of such multitudes of days by -ships crews and passengers. But fortunately the ships do not all sail -west, half of them sail east. So there is no real loss. These latter -pick up all the discarded days and add them to the world's stock again; -and about as good as new, too; for of course the salt water preserves -them. - - - - -CHAPTER V. - -Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as -if she had laid an asteroid. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -WEDNESDAY, Sept. 11. In this world we often make mistakes of judgment. -We do not as a rule get out of them sound and whole, but sometimes we do. -At dinner yesterday evening-present, a mixture of Scotch, English, -American, Canadian, and Australasian folk--a discussion broke out about -the pronunciation of certain Scottish words. This was private ground, -and the non-Scotch nationalities, with one exception, discreetly kept -still. But I am not discreet, and I took a hand. I didn't know anything -about the subject, but I took a hand just to have something to do. At -that moment the word in dispute was the word three. One Scotchman was -claiming that the peasantry of Scotland pronounced it three, his -adversaries claimed that they didn't--that they pronounced it 'thraw'. -The solitary Scot was having a sultry time of it, so I thought I would -enrich him with my help. In my position I was necessarily quite -impartial, and was equally as well and as ill equipped to fight on the -one side as on the other. So I spoke up and said the peasantry -pronounced the word three, not thraw. It was an error of judgment. -There was a moment of astonished and ominous silence, then weather -ensued. The storm rose and spread in a surprising way, and I was snowed -under in a very few minutes. It was a bad defeat for me--a kind of -Waterloo. It promised to remain so, and I wished I had had better sense -than to enter upon such a forlorn enterprise. But just then I had a -saving thought--at least a thought that offered a chance. While the -storm was still raging, I made up a Scotch couplet, and then spoke up and -said: - -"Very well, don't say any more. I confess defeat. I thought I knew, but -I see my mistake. I was deceived by one of your Scotch poets." - -"A Scotch poet! O come! Name him." - -"Robert Burns." - -It is wonderful the power of that name. These men looked doubtful--but -paralyzed, all the same. They were quite silent for a moment; then one -of them said--with the reverence in his voice which is always present in -a Scotchman's tone when he utters the name. - -"Does Robbie Burns say--what does he say?" - -"This is what he says: - - '"There were nae bairns but only three-- - Ane at the breast, twa at the knee."' - -It ended the discussion. There was no man there profane enough, disloyal -enough, to say any word against a thing which Robert Burns had settled. -I shall always honor that great name for the salvation it brought me in -this time of my sore need. - -It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with -confidence, stands a good chance to deceive. There are people who think -that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition; there -are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it. - -We are moving steadily southward-getting further and further down under -the projecting paunch of the globe. Yesterday evening we saw the Big -Dipper and the north star sink below the horizon and disappear from our -world. No, not "we," but they. They saw it--somebody saw it--and told -me about it. But it is no matter, I was not caring for those things, I -am tired of them, any way. I think they are well enough, but one doesn't -want them always hanging around. My interest was all in the Southern -Cross. I had never seen that. I had heard about it all my life, and it -was but natural that I should be burning to see it. No other -constellation makes so much talk. I had nothing against the Big Dipper-- -and naturally couldn't have anything against it, since it is a citizen of -our own sky, and the property of the United States--but I did want it to -move out of the way and give this foreigner a chance. Judging by the -size of the talk which the Southern Cross had made, I supposed it would -need a sky all to itself. - -But that was a mistake. We saw the Cross to-night, and it is not large. -Not large, and not strikingly bright. But it was low down toward the -horizon, and it may improve when it gets up higher in the sky. It is -ingeniously named, for it looks just as a cross would look if it looked -like something else. But that description does not describe; it is too -vague, too general, too indefinite. It does after a fashion suggest a -cross across that is out of repair--or out of drawing; not correctly -shaped. It is long, with a short cross-bar, and the cross-bar is canted -out of the straight line. - -It consists of four large stars and one little one. The little one is -out of line and further damages the shape. It should have been placed at -the intersection of the stem and the cross-bar. If you do not draw an -imaginary line from star to star it does not suggest a cross--nor -anything in particular. - -One must ignore the little star, and leave it out of the combination--it -confuses everything. If you leave it out, then you can make out of the -four stars a sort of cross--out of true; or a sort of kite--out of true; -or a sort of coffin-out of true. - -Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give -one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it; it -will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for. -Ultimately, to satisfy the public, the fanciful name has to be discarded -for a common-sense one, a manifestly descriptive one. The Great Bear -remained the Great Bear--and unrecognizable as such--for thousands of -years; and people complained about it all the time, and quite properly; -but as soon as it became the property of the United States, Congress -changed it to the Big Dipper, and now every body is satisfied, and there -is no more talk about riots. I would not change the Southern Cross to -the Southern Coffin, I would change it to the Southern Kite; for up there -in the general emptiness is the proper home of a kite, but not for -coffins and crosses and dippers. In a little while, now--I cannot tell -exactly how long it will be--the globe will belong to the English- -speaking race; and of course the skies also. Then the constellations -will be re-organized, and polished up, and re-named--the most of them -"Victoria," I reckon, but this one will sail thereafter as the Southern -Kite, or go out of business. Several towns and things, here and there, -have been named for Her Majesty already. - -In these past few days we are plowing through a mighty Milky Way of -islands. They are so thick on the map that one would hardly expect to -find room between them for a canoe; yet we seldom glimpse one. Once we -saw the dim bulk of a couple of them, far away, spectral and dreamy -things; members of the Horne-Alofa and Fortuna. On the larger one are -two rival native kings--and they have a time together. They are -Catholics; so are their people. The missionaries there are French -priests. - ->From the multitudinous islands in these regions the "recruits" for the -Queensland plantations were formerly drawn; are still drawn from them, I -believe. Vessels fitted up like old-time slavers came here and carried -off the natives to serve as laborers in the great Australian province. -In the beginning it was plain, simple man-stealing, as per testimony of -the missionaries. This has been denied, but not disproven. Afterward it -was forbidden by law to "recruit" a native without his consent, and -governmental agents were sent in all recruiting vessels to see that the -law was obeyed--which they did, according to the recruiting people; and -which they sometimes didn't, according to the missionaries. A man could -be lawfully recruited for a three-years term of service; he could -volunteer for another term if he so chose; when his time was up he could -return to his island. And would also have the means to do it; for the -government required the employer to put money in its hands for this -purpose before the recruit was delivered to him. - -Captain Wawn was a recruiting ship-master during many years. From his -pleasant book one gets the idea that the recruiting business was quite -popular with the islanders, as a rule. And yet that did not make the -business wholly dull and uninteresting; for one finds rather frequent -little breaks in the monotony of it--like this, for instance: - - "The afternoon of our arrival at Leper Island the schooner was lying - almost becalmed under the lee of the lofty central portion of the - island, about three-quarters of a mile from the shore. The boats - were in sight at some distance. The recruiter-boat had run into a - small nook on the rocky coast, under a high bank, above which stood - a solitary hut backed by dense forest. The government agent and - mate in the second boat lay about 400'yards to the westward. - - "Suddenly we heard the sound of firing, followed by yells from the - natives on shore, and then we saw the recruiter-boat push out with a - seemingly diminished crew. The mate's boat pulled quickly up, took - her in tow, and presently brought her alongside, all her own crew - being more or less hurt. It seems the natives had called them into - the place on pretence of friendship. A crowd gathered about the - stern of the boat, and several fellows even got into her. All of a - sudden our men were attacked with clubs and tomahawks. The - recruiter escaped the first blows aimed at him, making play with his - fists until he had an opportunity to draw his revolver. 'Tom - Sayers,' a Mare man, received a tomahawk blow on the head which laid - the scalp open but did not penetrate his skull, fortunately. 'Bobby - Towns,' another Mare boatman, had both his thumbs cut in warding off - blows, one of them being so nearly severed from the hand that the - doctors had to finish the operation. Lihu, a Lifu boy, the - recruiter's special attendant, was cut and pricked in various - places, but nowhere seriously. Jack, an unlucky Tanna recruit, who - had been engaged to act as boatman, received an arrow through his - forearm, the head of which--apiece of bone seven or eight inches - long--was still in the limb, protruding from both sides, when the - boats returned. The recruiter himself would have got off scot-free - had not an arrow pinned one of his fingers to the loom of the - steering-oar just as they were getting off. The fight had been - short but sharp. The enemy lost two men, both shot dead." - -The truth is, Captain Wawn furnishes such a crowd of instances of fatal -encounters between natives and French and English recruiting-crews (for -the French are in the business for the plantations of New Caledonia), -that one is almost persuaded that recruiting is not thoroughly popular -among the islanders; else why this bristling string of attacks and -bloodcurdling slaughter? The captain lays it all to "Exeter Hall -influence." But for the meddling philanthropists, the native fathers and -mothers would be fond of seeing their children carted into exile and now -and then the grave, instead of weeping about it and trying to kill the -kind recruiters. - - - - -CHAPTER VI. - -He was as shy as a newspaper is when referring to its own merits. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Captain Wawn is crystal-clear on one point: He does not approve of -missionaries. They obstruct his business. They make "Recruiting," as he -calls it ("Slave-Catching," as they call it in their frank way) a trouble -when it ought to be just a picnic and a pleasure excursion. The -missionaries have their opinion about the manner in which the Labor -Traffic is conducted, and about the recruiter's evasions of the law of -the Traffic, and about the traffic itself--and it is distinctly -uncomplimentary to the Traffic and to everything connected with it, -including the law for its regulation. Captain Wawn's book is of very -recent date; I have by me a pamphlet of still later date--hot from the -press, in fact--by Rev. Wm. Gray, a missionary; and the book and the -pamphlet taken together make exceedingly interesting reading, to my mind. - -Interesting, and easy to understand--except in one detail, which I will -mention presently. It is easy to understand why the Queensland sugar -planter should want the Kanaka recruit: he is cheap. Very cheap, in -fact. These are the figures paid by the planter: L20 to the recruiter -for getting the Kanaka or "catching" him, as the missionary phrase goes; -L3 to the Queensland government for "superintending" the importation; L5 -deposited with the Government for the Kanaka's passage home when his -three years are up, in case he shall live that long; about L25 to the -Kanaka himself for three years' wages and clothing; total payment for the -use of a man three years, L53; or, including diet, L60. Altogether, a -hundred dollars a year. One can understand why the recruiter is fond of -the business; the recruit costs him a few cheap presents (given to the -recruit's relatives, not himself), and the recruit is worth L20 to the -recruiter when delivered in Queensland. All this is clear enough; but -the thing that is not clear is, what there is about it all to persuade -the recruit. He is young and brisk; life at home in his beautiful island -is one lazy, long holiday to him; or if he wants to work he can turn out -a couple of bags of copra per week and sell it for four or five shillings -a bag. In Queensland he must get up at dawn and work from eight to -twelve hours a day in the canefields--in a much hotter climate than he is -used to--and get less than four shillings a week for it. - -I cannot understand his willingness to go to Queensland. It is a deep -puzzle to me. Here is the explanation, from the planter's point of view; -at least I gather from the missionary's pamphlet that it is the -planter's: - - "When he comes from his home he is a savage, pure and simple. He - feels no shame at his nakedness and want of adornment. When he - returns home he does so well dressed, sporting a Waterbury watch, - collars, cuffs, boots, and jewelry. He takes with him one or more - boxes--["Box" is English for trunk.]-- well filled with clothing, a - musical instrument or two, and perfumery and other articles of - luxury he has learned to appreciate." - -For just one moment we have a seeming flash of comprehension of, the -Kanaka's reason for exiling himself : he goes away to acquire -civilization. Yes, he was naked and not ashamed, now he is clothed and -knows how to be ashamed; he was unenlightened; now he has a Waterbury -watch; he was unrefined, now he has jewelry, and something to make him -smell good; he was a nobody, a provincial, now he has been to far -countries and can show off. - -It all looks plausible--for a moment. Then the missionary takes hold of -this explanation and pulls it to pieces, and dances on it, and damages it -beyond recognition. - - "Admitting that the foregoing description is the average one, the - average sequel is this: The cuffs and collars, if used at all, are - carried off by youngsters, who fasten them round the leg, just below - the knee, as ornaments. The Waterbury, broken and dirty, finds its - way to the trader, who gives a trifle for it; or the inside is taken - out, the wheels strung on a thread and hung round the neck. Knives, - axes, calico, and handkerchiefs are divided among friends, and there - is hardly one of these apiece. The boxes, the keys often lost on - the road home, can be bought for 2s. 6d. They are to be seen - rotting outside in almost any shore village on Tanna. (I speak of - what I have seen.) A returned Kanaka has been furiously angry with - me because I would not buy his trousers, which he declared were just - my fit. He sold them afterwards to one of my Aniwan teachers for - 9d. worth of tobacco--a pair of trousers that probably cost him 8s. - or 10s. in Queensland. A coat or shirt is handy for cold weather. - The white handkerchiefs, the 'senet' (perfumery), the umbrella, and - perhaps the hat, are kept. The boots have to take their chance, if - they do not happen to fit the copra trader. 'Senet' on the hair, - streaks of paint on the face, a dirty white handkerchief round the - neck, strips of turtle shell in the ears, a belt, a sheath and - knife, and an umbrella constitute the rig of returned Kanaka at home - the day after landing." - -A hat, an umbrella, a belt, a neckerchief. Otherwise stark naked. All -in a day the hard-earned "civilization" has melted away to this. And -even these perishable things must presently go. Indeed, there is but a -single detail of his civilization that can be depended on to stay by him: -according to the missionary, he has learned to swear. This is art, and -art is long, as the poet says. - -In all countries the laws throw light upon the past. The Queensland law -for the regulation of the Labor Traffic is a confession. It is a -confession that the evils charged by the missionaries upon the traffic -had existed in the past, and that they still existed when the law was -made. The missionaries make a further charge: that the law is evaded by -the recruiters, and that the Government Agent sometimes helps them to do -it. Regulation 31 reveals two things: that sometimes a young fool of a -recruit gets his senses back, after being persuaded to sign away his -liberty for three years, and dearly wants to get out of the engagement -and stay at home with his own people; and that threats, intimidation, and -force are used to keep him on board the recruiting-ship, and to hold him -to his contract. Regulation 31 forbids these coercions. The law -requires that he shall be allowed to go free; and another clause of it -requires the recruiter to set him ashore--per boat, because of the -prevalence of sharks. Testimony from Rev. Mr. Gray: - - "There are 'wrinkles' for taking the penitent Kanaka. My first - experience of the Traffic was a case of this kind in 1884. A vessel - anchored just out of sight of our station, word was brought to me - that some boys were stolen, and the relatives wished me to go and - get them back. The facts were, as I found, that six boys had - recruited, had rushed into the boat, the Government Agent informed - me. They had all 'signed'; and, said the Government Agent, 'on - board they shall remain.' I was assured that the six boys were of - age and willing to go. Yet on getting ready to leave the ship I - found four of the lads ready to come ashore in the boat! This I - forbade. One of them jumped into the water and persisted in coming - ashore in my boat. When appealed to, the Government Agent suggested - that we go and leave him to be picked up by the ship's boat, a - quarter mile distant at the time!" - -The law and the missionaries feel for the repentant recruit--and -properly, one may be permitted to think, for he is only a youth and -ignorant and persuadable to his hurt--but sympathy for him is not kept in -stock by the recruiter. Rev. Mr. Gray says: - - "A captain many years in the traffic explained to me how a penitent - could betaken. 'When a boy jumps overboard we just take a boat and - pull ahead of him, then lie between him and the shore. If he has - not tired himself swimming, and passes the boat, keep on heading him - in this way. The dodge rarely fails. The boy generally tires of - swimming, gets into the boat of his own accord, and goes quietly on - board." - -Yes, exhaustion is likely to make a boy quiet. If the distressed boy had -been the speaker's son, and the captors savages, the speaker would have -been surprised to see how differently the thing looked from the new point -of view; however, it is not our custom to put ourselves in the other -person's place. Somehow there is something pathetic about that -disappointed young savage's resignation. I must explain, here, that in -the traffic dialect, "boy" does not always mean boy; it means a youth -above sixteen years of age. That is by Queensland law the age of -consent, though it is held that recruiters allow themselves some latitude -in guessing at ages. - -Captain Wawn of the free spirit chafes under the annoyance of "cast-iron -regulations." They and the missionaries have poisoned his life. He -grieves for the good old days, vanished to come no more. See him weep; -hear him cuss between the lines! - - "For a long time we were allowed to apprehend and detain all - deserters who had signed the agreement on board ship, but the 'cast- - iron' regulations of the Act of 1884 put a stop to that, allowing - the Kanaka to sign the agreement for three years' service, travel - about in the ship in receipt of the regular rations, cadge all he - could, and leave when he thought fit, so long as he did not extend - his pleasure trip to Queensland." - -Rev. Mr. Gray calls this same restrictive cast-iron law a "farce." "There -is as much cruelty and injustice done to natives by acts that are legal -as by deeds unlawful. The regulations that exist are unjust and -inadequate--unjust and inadequate they must ever be." He furnishes his -reasons for his position, but they are too long for reproduction here. - -However, if the most a Kanaka advantages himself by a three-years course -in civilization in Queensland, is a necklace and an umbrella and a showy -imperfection in the art of swearing, it must be that all the profit of -the traffic goes to the white man. This could be twisted into a -plausible argument that the traffic ought to be squarely abolished. - -However, there is reason for hope that that can be left alone to achieve -itself. It is claimed that the traffic will depopulate its sources of -supply within the next twenty or thirty years. Queensland is a very -healthy place for white people--death-rate 12 in 1,000 of the population- -but the Kanaka death-rate is away above that. The vital statistics for -1893 place it at 52; for 1894 (Mackay district), 68. The first six -months of the Kanaka's exile are peculiarly perilous for him because of -the rigors of the new climate. The death-rate among the new men has -reached as high as 180 in the 1,000. In the Kanaka's native home his -death-rate is 12 in time of peace, and 15 in time of war. Thus exile to -Queensland--with the opportunity to acquire civilization, an umbrella, -and a pretty poor quality of profanity--is twelve times as deadly for him -as war. Common Christian charity, common humanity, does seem to require, -not only that these people be returned to their homes, but that war, -pestilence, and famine be introduced among them for their preservation. - -Concerning these Pacific isles and their peoples an eloquent prophet -spoke long years ago--five and fifty years ago. In fact, he spoke a -little too early. Prophecy is a good line of business, but it is full of -risks. This prophet was the Right Rev. M. Russell, LL.D., D.C.L., of -Edinburgh: - - "Is the tide of civilization to roll only to the foot of the Rocky - Mountains, and is the sun of knowledge to set at last in the waves - of the Pacific ? No; the mighty day of four thousand years is - drawing to its close; the sun of humanity has performed its destined - course; but long ere its setting rays are extinguished in the west, - its ascending beams have glittered on the isles of the eastern seas - . . . . And now we see the race of Japhet setting forth to - people the isles, and the seeds of another Europe and a second - England sown in the regions of the sun. But mark the words of the - prophecy: 'He shall dwell in the tents of Shem, and Canaan shall be - his servant.' It is not said Canaan shall be his slave. To the - Anglo-Saxon race is given the scepter of the globe, but there is not - given either the lash of the slave-driver or the rack of the - executioner. The East will not be stained with the same atrocities - as the West; the frightful gangrene of an enthralled race is not to - mar the destinies of the family of Japhet in the Oriental world; - humanizing, not destroying, as they advance; uniting with, not - enslaving, the inhabitants with whom they dwell, the British race - may," etc., etc. - -And he closes his vision with an invocation from Thomson: - - "Come, bright Improvement! on the car of Time, - And rule the spacious world from clime to clime." - -Very well, Bright Improvement has arrived, you see, with her -civilization, and her Waterbury, and her umbrella, and her third-quality -profanity, and her humanizing-not-destroying machinery, and her hundred- -and-eighty death-rate, and everything is going along just as handsome! - -But the prophet that speaks last has an advantage over the pioneer in the -business. Rev. Mr. Gray says: - - "What I am concerned about is that we as a Christian nation should - wipe out these races to enrich ourselves." - -And he closes his pamphlet with a grim Indictment which is as eloquent in -its flowerless straightforward English as is the hand-painted rhapsody of -the early prophet: - - "My indictment of the Queensland-Kanaka Labor Traffic is this - - "1. It generally demoralizes and always impoverishes the Kanaka, - deprives him of his citizenship, and depopulates the islands fitted - to his home. - - "2. It is felt to lower the dignity of the white agricultural - laborer in Queensland, and beyond a doubt it lowers his wages there. - - "3. The whole system is fraught with danger to Australia and the - islands on the score of health. - - "4. On social and political grounds the continuance of the - Queensland Kanaka Labor Traffic must be a barrier to the true - federation of the Australian colonies. - - "5. The Regulations under which the Traffic exists in Queensland are - inadequate to prevent abuses, and in the nature of things they must - remain so. - - "6. The whole system is contrary to the spirit and doctrine of the - Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Gospel requires us to help the weak, - but the Kanaka is fleeced and trodden down. - - "7. The bed-rock of this Traffic is that the life and liberty of a - black man are of less value than those of a white man. And a - Traffic that has grown out of 'slave-hunting' will certainly remain - to the end not unlike its origin." - - - - -CHAPTER VII. - -Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - ->From Diary:--For a day or two we have been plowing among an invisible -vast wilderness of islands, catching now and then a shadowy glimpse of a -member of it. There does seem to be a prodigious lot of islands this -year; the map of this region is freckled and fly-specked all over with -them. Their number would seem to be uncountable. We are moving among -the Fijis now--224 islands and islets in the group. In front of us, to -the west, the wilderness stretches toward Australia, then curves upward -to New Guinea, and still up and up to Japan; behind us, to the east, the -wilderness stretches sixty degrees across the wastes of the Pacific; -south of us is New Zealand. Somewhere or other among these myriads Samoa -is concealed, and not discoverable on the map. Still, if you wish to go -there, you will have no trouble about finding it if you follow the -directions given by Robert Louis Stevenson to Dr. Conan Doyle and to Mr. -J. M. Barrie. "You go to America, cross the continent to San Francisco, -and then it's the second turning to the left." To get the full flavor of -the joke one must take a glance at the map. - -Wednesday, September 11.--Yesterday we passed close to an island or so, -and recognized the published Fiji characteristics: a broad belt of clean -white coral sand around the island; back of it a graceful fringe of -leaning palms, with native huts nestling cosily among the shrubbery at -their bases; back of these a stretch of level land clothed in tropic -vegetation; back of that, rugged and picturesque mountains. A detail of -the immediate foreground: a mouldering ship perched high up on a reef- -bench. This completes the composition, and makes the picture -artistically perfect. - -In the afternoon we sighted Suva, the capital of the group, and threaded -our way into the secluded little harbor--a placid basin of brilliant blue -and green water tucked snugly in among the sheltering hills. A few ships -rode at anchor in it--one of them a sailing vessel flying the American -flag; and they said she came from Duluth! There's a journey! Duluth is -several thousand miles from the sea, and yet she is entitled to the proud -name of Mistress of the Commercial Marine of the United States of -America. There is only one free, independent, unsubsidized American ship -sailing the foreign seas, and Duluth owns it. All by itself that ship is -the American fleet. All by itself it causes the American name and power -to be respected in the far regions of the globe. All by itself it -certifies to the world that the most populous civilized nation, in the -earth has a just pride in her stupendous stretch of sea-front, and is -determined to assert and maintain her rightful place as one of the Great -Maritime Powers of the Planet. All by itself it is making foreign eyes -familiar with a Flag which they have not seen before for forty years, -outside of the museum. For what Duluth has done, in building, equipping, -and maintaining at her sole expense the American Foreign Commercial -Fleet, and in thus rescuing the American name from shame and lifting it -high for the homage of the nations, we owe her a debt of gratitude which -our hearts shall confess with quickened beats whenever her name is named -henceforth. Many national toasts will die in the lapse of time, but -while the flag flies and the Republic survives, they who live under their -shelter will still drink this one, standing and uncovered: Health and -prosperity to Thee, O Duluth, American Queen of the Alien Seas! - -Row-boats began to flock from the shore; their crews were the first -natives we had seen. These men carried no overplus of clothing, and this -was wise, for the weather was hot. Handsome, great dusky men they were, -muscular, clean-limbed, and with faces full of character and -intelligence. It would be hard to find their superiors anywhere among -the dark races, I should think. - -Everybody went ashore to look around, and spy out the land, and have that -luxury of luxuries to sea-voyagers--a land-dinner. And there we saw more -natives: Wrinkled old women, with their flat mammals flung over their -shoulders, or hanging down in front like the cold-weather drip from the -molasses-faucet; plump and smily young girls, blithe and content, easy -and graceful, a pleasure to look at; young matrons, tall, straight, -comely, nobly built, sweeping by with chin up, and a gait incomparable -for unconscious stateliness and dignity; majestic young men athletes for -build and muscle clothed in a loose arrangement of dazzling white, with -bronze breast and bronze legs naked, and the head a cannon-swab of solid -hair combed straight out from the skull and dyed a rich brick-red. Only -sixty years ago they were sunk in darkness; now they have the bicycle. -We strolled about the streets of the white folks' little town, and around -over the hills by paths and roads among European dwellings and gardens -and plantations, and past clumps of hibiscus that made a body blink, the -great blossoms were so intensely red; and by and by we stopped to ask an -elderly English colonist a question or two, and to sympathize with him -concerning the torrid weather; but he was surprised, and said: - -"This? This is not hot. You ought to be here in the summer time once." - -"We supposed that this was summer; it has the ear-marks of it. You could -take it to almost any country and deceive people with it. But if it -isn't summer, what does it lack?" - -"It lacks half a year. This is mid-winter." - -I had been suffering from colds for several months, and a sudden change -of season, like this, could hardly fail to do me hurt. It brought on -another cold. It is odd, these sudden jumps from season to season. A -fortnight ago we left America in mid-summer, now it is midwinter; about a -week hence we shall arrive in Australia in the spring. - -After dinner I found in the billiard-room a resident whom I had known -somewhere else in the world, and presently made, some new friends and -drove with them out into the country to visit his Excellency the head of -the State, who was occupying his country residence, to escape the rigors -of the winter weather, I suppose, for it was on breezy high ground and -much more comfortable than the lower regions, where the town is, and -where the winter has full swing, and often sets a person's hair afire -when he takes off his hat to bow. There is a noble and beautiful view of -ocean and islands and castellated peaks from the governor's high-placed -house, and its immediate surroundings lie drowsing in that dreamy repose -and serenity which are the charm of life in the Pacific Islands. - -One of the new friends who went out there with me was a large man, and I -had been admiring his size all the way. I was still admiring it as he -stood by the governor on the veranda, talking; then the Fijian butler -stepped out there to announce tea, and dwarfed him. Maybe he did not -quite dwarf him, but at any rate the contrast was quite striking. -Perhaps that dark giant was a king in a condition of political -suspension. I think that in the talk there on the veranda it was said -that in Fiji, as in the ,Sandwich Islands, native kings and chiefs are of -much grander size and build than the commoners. This man was clothed in -flowing white vestments, and they were just the thing for him; they -comported well with his great stature and his kingly port and dignity. -European clothes would have degraded him and made him commonplace. I -know that, because they do that with everybody that wears them. - -It was said that the old-time devotion to chiefs and reverence for their -persons still survive in the native commoner, and in great force. The -educated young gentleman who is chief of the tribe that live in the -region about the capital dresses in the fashion of high-class European -gentlemen, but even his clothes cannot damn him in the reverence of his -people. Their pride in his lofty rank and ancient lineage lives on, in -spite of his lost authority and the evil magic of his tailor. He has no -need to defile himself with work, or trouble his heart with the sordid -cares of life; the tribe will see to it that he shall not want, and that -he shall hold up his head and live like a gentleman. I had a glimpse of -him down in the town. Perhaps he is a descendant of the last king--the -king with the difficult name whose memory is preserved by a notable -monument of cut-stone which one sees in the enclosure in the middle of -the town. Thakombau--I remember, now; that is the name. It is easier to -preserve it on a granite block than in your head. - -Fiji was ceded to England by this king in 1858. One of the gentlemen -present at the governor's quoted a remark made by the king at the time of -the session--a neat retort, and with a touch of pathos in it, too. The -English Commissioner had offered a crumb of comfort to Thakombau by -saying that the transfer of the kingdom to Great Britain was merely "a -sort of hermit-crab formality, you know." "Yes," said poor Thakombau, -"but with this difference--the crab moves into an unoccupied shell, but -mine isn't." - -However, as far as I can make out from the books, the King was between -the devil and the deep sea at the time, and hadn't much choice. He owed -the United States a large debt--a debt which he could pay if allowed -time, but time was denied him. He must pay up right away or the warships -would be upon him. To protect his people from this disaster he ceded his -country to Britain, with a clause in the contract providing for the -ultimate payment of the American debt. - -In old times the Fijians were fierce fighters; they were very religious, -and worshiped idols; the big chiefs were proud and haughty, and they were -men of great style in many ways; all chiefs had several wives, the -biggest chiefs sometimes had as many as fifty; when a chief was dead and -ready for burial, four or five of his wives were strangled and put into -the grave with him. In 1804 twenty-seven British convicts escaped from -Australia to Fiji, and brought guns and ammunition with them. Consider -what a power they were, armed like that, and what an opportunity they -had. If they had been energetic men and sober, and had had brains and -known how to use them, they could have achieved the sovereignty of the -archipelago twenty-seven kings and each with eight or nine islands under -his scepter. But nothing came of this chance. They lived worthless -lives of sin and luxury, and died without honor--in most cases by -violence. Only one of them had any ambition; he was an Irishman named -Connor. He tried to raise a family of fifty children, and scored forty- -eight. He died lamenting his failure. It was a foolish sort of avarice. -Many a father would have been rich enough with forty. - -It is a fine race, the Fijians, with brains in their heads, and an -inquiring turn of mind. It appears that their savage ancestors had a -doctrine of immortality in their scheme of religion--with limitations. -That is to say, their dead friend would go to a happy hereafter if he -could be accumulated, but not otherwise. They drew the line; they -thought that the missionary's doctrine was too sweeping, too -comprehensive. They called his attention to certain facts. For -instance, many of their friends had been devoured by sharks; the sharks, -in their turn, were caught and eaten by other men; later, these men were -captured in war, and eaten by the enemy. The original persons had -entered into the composition of the sharks; next, they and the sharks had -become part of the flesh and blood and bone of the cannibals. How, then, -could the particles of the original men be searched out from the final -conglomerate and put together again? The inquirers were full of doubts, -and considered that the missionary had not examined the matter with--the -gravity and attention which so serious a thing deserved. - -The missionary taught these exacting savages many valuable things, and -got from them one--a very dainty and poetical idea: Those wild and -ignorant poor children of Nature believed that the flowers, after they -perish, rise on the winds and float away to the fair fields of heaven, -and flourish there forever in immortal beauty! - - - - -CHAPTER VIII. - -It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no -distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -When one glances at the map the members of the stupendous island -wilderness of the Pacific seem to crowd upon each other; but no, there is -no crowding, even in the center of a group; and between groups there are -lonely wide deserts of sea. Not everything is known about the islands, -their peoples and their languages. A startling reminder of this is -furnished by the fact that in Fiji, twenty years ago, were living two -strange and solitary beings who came from an unknown country and spoke an -unknown language. "They were picked up by a passing vessel many hundreds -of miles from any known land, floating in the same tiny canoe in which -they had been blown out to sea. When found they were but skin and bone. -No one could understand what they said, and they have never named their -country; or, if they have, the name does not correspond with that of any -island on any chart. They are now fat and sleek, and as happy as the day -is long. In the ship's log there is an entry of the latitude and -longitude in which they were found, and this is probably all the clue -they will ever have to their lost homes." --[Forbes's "Two Years in -Fiji."] - -What a strange and romantic episode it is; and how one is tortured with -curiosity to know whence those mysterious creatures came, those Men -Without a Country, errant waifs who cannot name their lost home, -wandering Children of Nowhere. - -Indeed, the Island Wilderness is the very home of romance and dreams and -mystery. The loneliness, the solemnity, the beauty, and the deep repose -of this wilderness have a charm which is all their own for the bruised -spirit of men who have fought and failed in the struggle for life in the -great world; and for men who have been hunted out of the great world for -crime; and for other men who love an easy and indolent existence; and for -others who love a roving free life, and stir and change and adventure; -and for yet others who love an easy and comfortable career of trading and -money-getting, mixed with plenty of loose matrimony by purchase, divorce -without trial or expense, and limitless spreeing thrown in to make life -ideally perfect. - -We sailed again, refreshed. - -The most cultivated person in the ship was a young English, man whose -home was in New Zealand. He was a naturalist. His learning in his -specialty was deep and thorough, his interest in his subject amounted to -a passion, he had an easy gift of speech; and so, when he talked about -animals it was a pleasure to listen to him. And profitable, too, though -he was sometimes difficult to understand because now and then he used -scientific technicalities which were above the reach of some of us. They -were pretty sure to be above my reach, but as he was quite willing to -explain them I always made it a point to get him to do it. I had a fair -knowledge of his subject--layman's knowledge--to begin with, but it was -his teachings which crystalized it into scientific form and clarity--in a -word, gave it value. - -His special interest was the fauna of Australasia, and his knowledge of -the matter was as exhaustive as it was accurate. I already knew a good -deal about the rabbits in Australasia and their marvelous fecundity, but -in my talks with him I found that my estimate of the great hindrance and -obstruction inflicted by the rabbit pest upon traffic and travel was far -short of the facts. He told me that the first pair of rabbits imported -into Australasia bred so wonderfully that within six months rabbits were -so thick in the land that people had to dig trenches through them to get -from town to town. - -He told me a great deal about worms, and the kangaroo, and other -coleoptera, and said he knew the history and ways of all such -pachydermata. He said the kangaroo had pockets, and carried its young in -them when it couldn't get apples. And he said that the emu was as big as -an ostrich, and looked like one, and had an amorphous appetite and would -eat bricks. Also, that the dingo was not a dingo at all, but just a wild -dog; and that the only difference between a dingo and a dodo was that -neither of them barked; otherwise they were just the same. He said that -the only game-bird in Australia was the wombat, and the only song-bird -the larrikin, and that both were protected by government. The most -beautiful of the native birds was the bird of Paradise. Next came the -two kinds of lyres; not spelt the same. He said the one kind was dying -out, the other thickening up. He explained that the "Sundowner" was not -a bird it was a man; sundowner was merely the Australian equivalent of -our word, tramp. He is a loafer, a hard drinker, and a sponge. He -tramps across the country in the sheep-shearing season, pretending to -look for work; but he always times himself to arrive at a sheep-run just -at sundown, when the day's labor ends; all he wants is whisky and supper -and bed and breakfast; he gets them and then disappears. The naturalist -spoke of the bell bird, the creature that at short intervals all day -rings out its mellow and exquisite peal from the deeps of the forest. It -is the favorite and best friend of the weary and thirsty sundowner; for -he knows that wherever the bell bird is, there is water; and he goes -somewhere else. The naturalist said that the oddest bird in Australasia -was the, Laughing Jackass, and the biggest the now extinct Great Moa. - -The Moa stood thirteen feet high, and could step over an ordinary man's -head or kick his hat off; and his head, too, for that matter. He said it -was wingless, but a swift runner. The natives used to ride it. It could -make forty miles an hour, and keep it up for four hundred miles and come -out reasonably fresh. It was still in existence when the railway was -introduced into New Zealand; still in existence, and carrying the mails. -The railroad began with the same schedule it has now: two expresses a -week-time, twenty miles an hour. The company exterminated the moa to get -the mails. - -Speaking of the indigenous coneys and bactrian camels, the naturalist -said that the coniferous and bacteriological output of Australasia was -remarkable for its many and curious departures from the accepted laws -governing these species of tubercles, but that in his opinion Nature's -fondness for dabbling in the erratic was most notably exhibited in that -curious combination of bird, fish, amphibian, burrower, crawler, -quadruped, and Christian called the Ornithorhynchus--grotesquest of -animals, king of the animalculae of the world for versatility of -character and make-up. Said he: - - "You can call it anything you want to, and be right. It is a fish, - for it lives in the river half the time; it is a land animal, for it - resides on the land half the time; it is an amphibian, since it - likes both and does not know which it prefers; it is a hybernian, - for when times are dull and nothing much going on it buries itself - under the mud at the bottom of a puddle and hybernates there a - couple of weeks at a time; it is a kind of duck, for it has a duck- - bill and four webbed paddles; it is a fish and quadruped together, - for in the water it swims with the paddles and on shore it paws - itself across country with them; it is a kind of seal, for it has a - seal's fur; it is carnivorous, herbivorous, insectivorous, and - vermifuginous, for it eats fish and grass and butterflies, and in - the season digs worms out of the mud and devours them; it is clearly - a bird, for it lays eggs, and hatches them; it is clearly a mammal, - for it nurses its young; and it is manifestly a kind of Christian, - for it keeps the Sabbath when there is anybody around, and when - there isn't, doesn't. It has all the tastes there are except - refined ones, it has all the habits there are except good ones. - - "It is a survival--a survival of the fittest. Mr. Darwin invented - the theory that goes by that name, but the Ornithorhynchus was the - first to put it to actual experiment and prove that it could be - done. Hence it should have as much of the credit as Mr. Darwin. - It was never in the Ark; you will find no mention of it there; it - nobly stayed out and worked the theory. Of all creatures in the - world it was the only one properly equipped for the test. The Ark - was thirteen months afloat, and all the globe submerged; no land - visible above the flood, no vegetation, no food for a mammal to eat, - nor water for a mammal to drink; for all mammal food was destroyed, - and when the pure floods from heaven and the salt oceans of the - earth mingled their waters and rose above the mountain tops, the - result was a drink which no bird or beast of ordinary construction - could use and live. But this combination was nuts for the - Ornithorhynchus, if I may use a term like that without offense. - Its river home had always been salted by the flood-tides of the sea. - On the face of the Noachian deluge innumerable forest trees were - floating. Upon these the Ornithorhynchus voyaged in peace; voyaged - from clime to clime, from hemisphere to hemisphere, in contentment - and comfort, in virile interest in the constant change Of scene, in - humble thankfulness for its privileges, in ever-increasing - enthusiasm in the development of the great theory upon whose - validity it had staked its life, its fortunes, and its sacred honor, - if I may use such expressions without impropriety in connection with - an episode of this nature. - - "It lived the tranquil and luxurious life of a creature of - independent means. Of things actually necessary to its existence - and its happiness not a detail was wanting. When it wished to walk, - it scrambled along the tree-trunk; it mused in the shade of the - leaves by day, it slept in their shelter by night; when it wanted - the refreshment of a swim, it had it; it ate leaves when it wanted a - vegetable diet, it dug under the bark for worms and grubs; when it - wanted fish it caught them, when it wanted eggs it laid them. If - the grubs gave out in one tree it swam to another; and as for fish, - the very opulence of the supply was an embarrassment. And finally, - when it was thirsty it smacked its chops in gratitude over a blend - that would have slain a crocodile. - - "When at last, after thirteen months of travel and research in all - the Zones it went aground on a mountain-summit, it strode ashore, - saying in its heart, 'Let them that come after me invent theories - and dream dreams about the Survival of the Fittest if they like, but - I am the first that has done it! - - "This wonderful creature dates back like the kangaroo and many other - Australian hydrocephalous invertebrates, to an age long anterior to - the advent of man upon the earth; they date back, indeed, to a time - when a causeway hundreds of miles wide, and thousands of miles long, - joined Australia to Africa, and the animals of the two countries - were alike, and all belonged to that remote geological epoch known - to science as the Old Red Grindstone Post-Pleosaurian. Later the - causeway sank under the sea; subterranean convulsions lifted the - African continent a thousand feet higher than it was before, but - Australia kept her old level. In Africa's new climate the animals - necessarily began to develop and shade off into new forms and - families and species, but the animals of Australia as necessarily - remained stationary, and have so remained until this day. In the - course of some millions of years the African Ornithorhynchus - developed and developed and developed, and sluffed off detail after - detail of its make-up until at last the creature became wholly - disintegrated and scattered. Whenever you see a bird or a beast or - a seal or an otter in Africa you know that he is merely a sorry - surviving fragment of that sublime original of whom I have been - speaking--that creature which was everything in general and nothing - in particular--the opulently endowed 'e pluribus unum' of the animal - world. - - "Such is the history of the most hoary, the most ancient, the most - venerable creature that exists in the earth today--Ornithorhynchus - Platypus Extraordinariensis--whom God preserve!" - -When he was strongly moved he could rise and soar like that with ease. -And not only in the prose form, but in the poetical as well. He had -written many pieces of poetry in his time, and these manuscripts he lent -around among the passengers, and was willing to let them be copied. It -seemed to me that the least technical one in the series, and the one -which reached the loftiest note, perhaps, was his - - INVOCATION. - - "Come forth from thy oozy couch, - O Ornithorhynchus dear! - And greet with a cordial claw - The stranger that longs to hear - - "From thy own own lips the tale - Of thy origin all unknown: - Thy misplaced bone where flesh should be - And flesh where should be bone; - - "And fishy fin where should be paw, - And beaver-trowel tail, - And snout of beast equip'd with teeth - Where gills ought to prevail. - - "Come, Kangaroo, the good and true - Foreshortened as to legs, - And body tapered like a churn, - And sack marsupial, i' fegs, - - "And tells us why you linger here, - Thou relic of a vanished time, - When all your friends as fossils sleep,. - Immortalized in lime!" - - -Perhaps no poet is a conscious plagiarist; but there seems to be warrant -for suspecting that there is no poet who is not at one time or another an -unconscious one. The above verses are indeed beautiful, and, in a way, -touching; but there is a haunting something about them which unavoidably -suggests the Sweet Singer of Michigan. It can hardly be doubted that the -author had read the works of that poet and been impressed by them. It is -not apparent that he has borrowed from them any word or yet any phrase, -but the style and swing and mastery and melody of the Sweet Singer all -are there. Compare this Invocation with "Frank Dutton"--particularly -stanzas first and seventeenth--and I think the reader will feel convinced -that he who wrote the one had read the other: - - I. - - "Frank Dutton was as fine a lad - As ever you wish to see, - And he was drowned in Pine Island Lake - On earth no more will he be, - His age was near fifteen years, - And he was a motherless boy, - He was living with his grandmother - When he was drowned, poor boy. - - - XVII. - - "He was drowned on Tuesday afternoon, - On Sunday he was found, - And the tidings of that drowned boy - Was heard for miles around. - His form was laid by his mother's side, - Beneath the cold, cold ground, - His friends for him will drop a tear - When they view his little mound." - - The Sentimental Song Book. By Mrs. Julia Moore, p. 36. - - - - -CHAPTER IX. - -It is your human environment that makes climate. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Sept. 15--Night. Close to Australia now. Sydney 50 miles distant. - -That note recalls an experience. The passengers were sent for, to come -up in the bow and see a fine sight. It was very dark. One could not -follow with the eye the surface of the sea more than fifty yards in any -direction it dimmed away and became lost to sight at about that distance -from us. But if you patiently gazed into the darkness a little while, -there was a sure reward for you. Presently, a quarter of a mile away you -would see a blinding splash or explosion of light on the water--a flash -so sudden and so astonishingly brilliant that it would make you catch -your breath; then that blotch of light would instantly extend itself and -take the corkscrew shape and imposing length of the fabled sea-serpent, -with every curve of its body and the "break" spreading away from its -head, and the wake following behind its tail clothed in a fierce splendor -of living fire. And my, but it was coming at a lightning gait! Almost -before you could think, this monster of light, fifty feet long, would go -flaming and storming by, and suddenly disappear. And out in the distance -whence he came you would see another flash; and another and another and -another, and see them turn into sea-serpents on the instant; and once -sixteen flashed up at the same time and came tearing towards us, a swarm -of wiggling curves, a moving conflagration, a vision of bewildering -beauty, a spectacle of fire and energy whose equal the most of those -people will not see again until after they are dead. - -It was porpoises--porpoises aglow with phosphorescent light. They -presently collected in a wild and magnificent jumble under the bows, and -there they played for an hour, leaping and frollicking and carrying on, -turning summersaults in front of the stem or across it and never getting -hit, never making a miscalculation, though the stem missed them only -about an inch, as a rule. They were porpoises of the ordinary length- -eight or ten feet--but every twist of their bodies sent a long procession -of united and glowing curves astern. That fiery jumble was an enchanting -thing to look at, and we stayed out the performance; one cannot have such -a show as that twice in a lifetime. The porpoise is the kitten of the -sea; he never has a serious thought, he cares for nothing but fun and -play. But I think I never saw him at his winsomest until that night. -It was near a center of civilization, and he could have been drinking. - -By and by, when we had approached to somewhere within thirty miles of -Sydney Heads the great electric light that is posted on one of those -lofty ramparts began to show, and in time the little spark grew to a -great sun and pierced the firmament of darkness with a far-reaching sword -of light. - -Sydney Harbor is shut in behind a precipice that extends some miles like -a wall, and exhibits no break to the ignorant stranger. It has a break -in the middle, but it makes so little show that even Captain Cook sailed -by it without seeing it. Near by that break is a false break which -resembles it, and which used to make trouble for the mariner at night, in -the early days before the place was lighted. It caused the memorable -disaster to the Duncan Dunbar, one of the most pathetic tragedies in the -history of that pitiless ruffian, the sea. The ship was a sailing -vessel; a fine and favorite passenger packet, commanded by a popular -captain of high reputation. She was due from England, and Sydney was -waiting, and counting the hours; counting the hours, and making ready to -give her a heart-stirring welcome; for she was bringing back a great -company of mothers and daughters, the long-missed light and bloom of life -of Sydney homes; daughters that had been years absent at school, and -mothers that had been with them all that time watching over them. Of all -the world only India and Australasia have by custom freighted ships and -fleets with their hearts, and know the tremendous meaning of that phrase; -only they know what the waiting is like when this freightage is entrusted -to the fickle winds, not steam, and what the joy is like when the ship -that is returning this treasure comes safe to port and the long dread is -over. - -On board the Duncan Dunbar, flying toward Sydney Heads in the waning -afternoon, the happy home-comers made busy preparation, for it was not -doubted that they would be in the arms of their friends before the day -was done; they put away their sea-going clothes and put on clothes meeter -for the meeting, their richest and their loveliest, these poor brides of -the grave. But the wind lost force, or there was a miscalculation, and -before the Heads were sighted the darkness came on. It was said that -ordinarily the captain would have made a safe offing and waited for the -morning; but this was no ordinary occasion; all about him were appealing -faces, faces pathetic with disappointment. So his sympathy moved him to -try the dangerous passage in the dark. He had entered the Heads -seventeen times, and believed he knew the ground. So he steered straight -for the false opening, mistaking it for the true one. He did not find -out that he was wrong until it was too late. There was no saving the -ship. The great seas swept her in and crushed her to splinters and -rubbish upon the rock tushes at the base of the precipice. Not one of -all that fair and gracious company was ever seen again alive. The tale -is told to every stranger that passes the spot, and it will continue to -be told to all that come, for generations; but it will never grow old, -custom cannot stale it, the heart-break that is in it can never perish -out of it. - -There were two hundred persons in the ship, and but one survived the -disaster. He was a sailor. A huge sea flung him up the face of the -precipice and stretched him on a narrow shelf of rock midway between the -top and the bottom, and there he lay all night. At any other time he -would have lain there for the rest of his life, without chance of -discovery; but the next morning the ghastly news swept through Sydney -that the Duncan Dunbar had gone down in sight of home, and straightway -the walls of the Heads were black with mourners; and one of these, -stretching himself out over the precipice to spy out what might be seen -below, discovered this miraculously preserved relic of the wreck. Ropes -were brought and the nearly impossible feat of rescuing the man was -accomplished. He was a person with a practical turn of mind, and he -hired a hall in Sydney and exhibited himself at sixpence a head till he -exhausted the output of the gold fields for that year. - -We entered and cast anchor, and in the morning went oh-ing and ah-ing in -admiration up through the crooks and turns of the spacious and beautiful -harbor--a harbor which is the darling of Sydney and the wonder of the -world. It is not surprising that the people are proud of it, nor that -they put their enthusiasm into eloquent words. A returning citizen asked -me what I thought of it, and I testified with a cordiality which I judged -would be up to the market rate. I said it was beautiful--superbly -beautiful. Then by a natural impulse I gave God the praise. The citizen -did not seem altogether satisfied. He said: - -"It is beautiful, of course it's beautiful--the Harbor; but that isn't -all of it, it's only half of it; Sydney's the other half, and it takes -both of them together to ring the supremacy-bell. God made the Harbor, -and that's all right; but Satan made Sydney." - -Of course I made an apology; and asked him to convey it to his friend. -He was right about Sydney being half of it. It would be beautiful -without Sydney, but not above half as beautiful as it is now, with Sydney -added. It is shaped somewhat like an oak-leaf-a roomy sheet of lovely -blue water, with narrow off-shoots of water running up into the country -on both sides between long fingers of land, high wooden ridges with sides -sloped like graves. Handsome villas are perched here and there on these -ridges, snuggling amongst the foliage, and one catches alluring glimpses -of them as the ship swims by toward the city. The city clothes a cluster -of hills and a ruffle of neighboring ridges with its undulating masses of -masonry, and out of these masses spring towers and spires and other -architectural dignities and grandeurs that break the flowing lines and -give picturesqueness to the general effect. - -The narrow inlets which I have mentioned go wandering out into the land -everywhere and hiding themselves in it, and pleasure-launches are always -exploring them with picnic parties on board. It is said by trustworthy -people that if you explore them all you will find that you have covered -700 miles of water passage. But there are liars everywhere this year, -and they will double that when their works are in good going order. -October was close at hand, spring was come. It was really spring-- -everybody said so; but you could have sold it for summer in Canada, and -nobody would have suspected. It was the very weather that makes our home -summers the perfection of climatic luxury; I mean, when you are out in -the wood or by the sea. But these people said it was cool, now--a person -ought to see Sydney in the summer time if he wanted to know what warm -weather is; and he ought to go north ten or fifteen hundred miles if he -wanted to know what hot weather is. They said that away up there toward -the equator the hens laid fried eggs. Sydney is the place to go to get -information about other people's climates. It seems to me that the -occupation of Unbiased Traveler Seeking Information is the pleasantest -and most irresponsible trade there is. The traveler can always find out -anything he wants to, merely by asking. He can get at all the facts, and -more. Everybody helps him, nobody hinders him. Anybody who has an old -fact in stock that is no longer negotiable in the domestic market will -let him have it at his own price. An accumulation of such goods is -easily and quickly made. They cost almost nothing and they bring par in -the foreign market. Travelers who come to America always freight up with -the same old nursery tales that their predecessors selected, and they -carry them back and always work them off without any trouble in the home -market. - -If the climates of the world were determined by parallels of latitude, -then we could know a place's climate by its position on the map; and so -we should know that the climate of Sydney was the counterpart of the -climate of Columbia, S. C., and of Little Rock, Arkansas, since Sydney is -about the same distance south of the equator that those other towns are -north of-it-thirty-four degrees. But no, climate disregards the -parallels of latitude. In Arkansas they have a winter; in Sydney they -have the name of it, but not the thing itself. I have seen the ice in -the Mississippi floating past the mouth of the Arkansas river; and at -Memphis, but a little way above, the Mississippi has been frozen over, -from bank to bank. But they have never had a cold spell in Sydney which -brought the mercury down to freezing point. Once in a mid-winter day -there, in the month of July, the mercury went down to 36 deg., and that -remains the memorable "cold day" in the history of the town. No doubt -Little Rock has seen it below zero. Once, in Sydney, in mid-summer, -about New Year's Day, the mercury went up to 106 deg. in the shade, and -that is Sydney's memorable hot day. That would about tally with Little -Rock's hottest day also, I imagine. My Sydney figures are taken from a -government report, and are trustworthy. In the matter of summer weather -Arkansas has no advantage over Sydney, perhaps, but when it comes to -winter weather, that is another affair. You could cut up an Arkansas -winter into a hundred Sydney winters and have enough left for Arkansas -and the poor. - -The whole narrow, hilly belt of the Pacific side of New South Wales has -the climate of its capital--a mean winter temperature of 54 deg. and a -mean summer one of 71 deg. It is a climate which cannot be improved upon -for healthfulness. But the experts say that 90 deg. in New South Wales -is harder to bear than 112 deg. in the neighboring colony of Victoria, -because the atmosphere of the former is humid, and of the latter dry. -The mean temperature of the southernmost point of New South Wales is the -same as that of Nice--60 deg.-- yet Nice is further from the equator by -460 miles than is the former. - -But Nature is always stingy of perfect climates; stingier in the case of -Australia than usual. Apparently this vast continent has a really good -climate nowhere but around the edges. - -If we look at a map of the world we are surprised to see how big -Australia is. It is about two-thirds as large as the United States was -before we added Alaska. - -But where as one finds a sufficiently good climate and fertile land -almost everywhere in the United States, it seems settled that inside of -the Australian border-belt one finds many deserts and in spots a climate -which nothing can stand except a few of the hardier kinds of rocks. In -effect, Australia is as yet unoccupied. If you take a map of the United -States and leave the Atlantic sea-board States in their places; also the -fringe of Southern States from Florida west to the Mouth of the -Mississippi; also a narrow, inhabited streak up the Mississippi half-way -to its head waters; also a narrow, inhabited border along the Pacific -coast: then take a brushful of paint and obliterate the whole remaining -mighty stretch of country that lies between the Atlantic States and the -Pacific-coast strip, your map will look like the latest map of Australia. - -This stupendous blank is hot, not to say torrid; a part of it is fertile, -the rest is desert; it is not liberally watered; it has no towns. One -has only to cross the mountains of New South Wales and descend into the -westward-lying regions to find that he has left the choice climate behind -him, and found a new one of a quite different character. In fact, he -would not know by the thermometer that he was not in the blistering -Plains of India. Captain Sturt, the great explorer, gives us a sample of -the heat. - - "The wind, which had been blowing all the morning from the N.E., - increased to a heavy gale, and I shall never forget its withering - effect. I sought shelter behind a large gum-tree, but the blasts of - heat were so terrific that I wondered the very grass did not take - fire. This really was nothing ideal: everything both animate and - inanimate gave way before it; the horses stood with their backs to - the wind and their noses to the ground, without the muscular - strength to raise their heads; the birds were mute, and the leaves - of the trees under which we were sitting fell like a snow shower - around us. At noon I took a thermometer graded to 127 deg., out of - my box, and observed that the mercury was up to 125. Thinking that - it had been unduly influenced, I put it in the fork of a tree close - to me, sheltered alike from the wind and the sun. I went to examine - it about an hour afterwards, when I found the mercury had risen to - the-top of the instrument and had burst the bulb, a circumstance - that I believe no traveler has ever before had to record. I cannot - find language to convey to the reader's mind an idea of the intense - and oppressive nature of the heat that prevailed." - -That hot wind sweeps over Sydney sometimes, and brings with it what is -called a " dust-storm." It is said that most Australian towns are -acquainted with the dust-storm. I think I know what it is like, for the -following description by Mr. Gape tallies very well with the alkali -duststorm of Nevada, if you leave out the "shovel" part. Still the -shovel part is a pretty important part, and seems to indicate that my -Nevada storm is but a poor thing, after all. - - "As we proceeded the altitude became less, and the heat - proportionately greater until we reached Dubbo, which is only 600 - feet above sea-level. It is a pretty town, built on an extensive - plain . . . . After the effects of a shower of rain have passed - away the surface of the ground crumbles into a thick layer of dust, - and occasionally, when the wind is in a particular quarter, it is - lifted bodily from the ground in one long opaque cloud. In the - midst of such a storm nothing can be seen a few yards ahead, and the - unlucky person who happens to be out at the time is compelled to - seek the nearest retreat at hand. When the thrifty housewife sees - in the distance the dark column advancing in a steady whirl towards - her house, she closes the doors and windows with all expedition. A - drawing-room, the window of which has been carelessly left open - during a dust-storm, is indeed an extraordinary sight. A lady who - has resided in Dubbo for some years says that the dust lies so thick - on the carpet that it is necessary to use a shovel to remove it." - -And probably a wagon. I was mistaken; I have not seen a proper -duststorm. To my mind the exterior aspects and character of Australia -are fascinating things to look at and think about, they are so strange, -so weird, so new, so uncommonplace, such a startling and interesting -contrast to the other sections of the planet, the sections that are known -to us all, familiar to us all. In the matter of particulars--a detail -here, a detail there--we have had the choice climate of New South Wales' -seacoast; we have had the Australian heat as furnished by Captain Sturt; -we have had the wonderful dust-storm; and we have considered the -phenomenon of an almost empty hot wilderness half as big as the United -States, with a narrow belt of civilization, population, and good climate -around it. - - - - -CHAPTER X. - -Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not -joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -Captain Cook found Australia in 1770, and eighteen years later the -British Government began to transport convicts to it. Altogether, New -South Wales received 83,000 in 53 years. The convicts wore heavy chains; -they were ill-fed and badly treated by the officers set over them; they -were heavily punished for even slight infractions of the rules; "the -cruelest discipline ever known" is one historian's description of their -life. --[The Story of Australasia. J. S. Laurie.] - -English law was hard-hearted in those days. For trifling offenses which -in our day would be punished by a small fine or a few days' confinement, -men, women, and boys were sent to this other end of the earth to serve -terms of seven and fourteen years; and for serious crimes they were -transported for life. Children were sent to the penal colonies for seven -years for stealing a rabbit! - -When I was in London twenty-three years ago there was a new penalty in -force for diminishing garroting and wife-beating--25 lashes on the bare -back with the cat-o'-nine-tails. It was said that this terrible -punishment was able to bring the stubbornest ruffians to terms; and that -no man had been found with grit enough to keep his emotions to himself -beyond the ninth blow; as a rule the man shrieked earlier. That penalty -had a great and wholesome effect upon the garroters and wife-beaters; but -humane modern London could not endure it; it got its law rescinded. Many -a bruised and battered English wife has since had occasion to deplore -that cruel achievement of sentimental "humanity." - -Twenty-five lashes! In Australia and Tasmania they gave a convict fifty -for almost any little offense; and sometimes a brutal officer would add -fifty, and then another fifty, and so on, as long as the sufferer could -endure the torture and live. In Tasmania I read the entry, in an old -manuscript official record, of a case where a convict was given three -hundred lashes--for stealing some silver spoons. And men got more than -that, sometimes. Who handled the cat? Often it was another convict; -sometimes it was the culprit's dearest comrade; and he had to lay on with -all his might; otherwise he would get a flogging himself for his mercy- -for he was under watch--and yet not do his friend any good: the friend -would be attended to by another hand and suffer no lack in the matter of -full punishment. - -The convict life in Tasmania was so unendurable, and suicide so difficult -to accomplish that once or twice despairing men got together and drew -straws to determine which of them should kill another of the group--this -murder to secure death to the perpetrator and to the witnesses of it by -the hand of the hangman! - -The incidents quoted above are mere hints, mere suggestions of what -convict life was like--they are but a couple of details tossed into view -out of a shoreless sea of such; or, to change the figure, they are but a -pair of flaming steeples photographed from a point which hides from sight -the burning city which stretches away from their bases on every hand. - -Some of the convicts--indeed, a good many of them--were very bad people, -even for that day; but the most of them were probably not noticeably -worse than the average of the people they left behind them at home. We -must believe this; we cannot avoid it. We are obliged to believe that a -nation that could look on, unmoved, and see starving or freezing women -hanged for stealing twenty-six cents' worth of bacon or rags, and boys -snatched from their mothers, and men from their families, and sent to the -other side of the world for long terms of years for similar trifling -offenses, was a nation to whom the term "civilized" could not in any -large way be applied. And we must also believe that a nation that knew, -during more than forty years, what was happening to those exiles and was -still content with it, was not advancing in any showy way toward a higher -grade of civilization. - -If we look into the characters and conduct of the officers and gentlemen -who had charge of the convicts and attended to their backs and stomachs, -we must grant again that as between the convict and his masters, and -between both and the nation at home, there was a quite noticeable -monotony of sameness. - -Four years had gone by, and many convicts had come. Respectable settlers -were beginning to arrive. These two classes of colonists had to be -protected, in case of trouble among themselves or with the natives. It -is proper to mention the natives, though they could hardly count they -were so scarce. At a time when they had not as yet begun to be much -disturbed--not as yet being in the way--it was estimated that in New -South Wales there was but one native to 45,000 acres of territory. - -People had to be protected. Officers of the regular army did not want -this service--away off there where neither honor nor distinction was to -be gained. So England recruited and officered a kind of militia force of -1,000 uniformed civilians called the "New South Wales Corps" and shipped -it. - -This was the worst blow of all. The colony fairly staggered under it. -The Corps was an object-lesson of the moral condition of England outside -of the jails. The colonists trembled. It was feared that next there -would be an importation of the nobility. - -In those early days the colony was non-supporting. All the necessaries -of life--food, clothing, and all--were sent out from England, and kept in -great government store-houses, and given to the convicts and sold to the -settlers--sold at a trifling advance upon cost. The Corps saw its -opportunity. Its officers went into commerce, and in a most lawless way. -They went to importing rum, and also to manufacturing it in private -stills, in defiance of the government's commands and protests. They -leagued themselves together and ruled the market; they boycotted the -government and the other dealers; they established a close monopoly and -kept it strictly in their own hands. When a vessel arrived with spirits, -they allowed nobody to buy but themselves, and they forced the owner to -sell to them at a price named by themselves--and it was always low -enough. They bought rum at an average of two dollars a gallon and sold -it at an average of ten. They made rum the currency of the country--for -there was little or no money--and they maintained their devastating hold -and kept the colony under their heel for eighteen or twenty years before -they were finally conquered and routed by the government. - -Meantime, they had spread intemperance everywhere. And they had squeezed -farm after farm out of the settlers hands for rum, and thus had -bountifully enriched themselves. When a farmer was caught in the last -agonies of thirst they took advantage of him and sweated him for a drink. -In one instance they sold a man a gallon of rum worth two dollars for a -piece of property which was sold some years later for $100,000. -When the colony was about eighteen or twenty years old it was discovered -that the land was specially fitted for the wool-culture. Prosperity -followed, commerce with the world began, by and by rich mines of the -noble metals were opened, immigrants flowed in, capital likewise. The -result is the great and wealthy and enlightened commonwealth of New South -Wales. - -It is a country that is rich in mines, wool ranches, trams, railways, -steamship lines, schools, newspapers, botanical gardens, art galleries, -libraries, museums, hospitals, learned societies; it is the hospitable -home of every species of culture and of every species of material -enterprise, and there is a, church at every man's door, and a race-track -over the way. - - - - -CHAPTER XI. - -We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is -in it--and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot -stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again--and that is -well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -All English-speaking colonies are made up of lavishly hospitable people, -and New South Wales and its capital are like the rest in this. The -English-speaking colony of the United States of America is always called -lavishly hospitable by the English traveler. As to the other English- -speaking colonies throughout the world from Canada all around, I know by -experience that the description fits them. I will not go more -particularly into this matter, for I find that when writers try to -distribute their gratitude here and there and yonder by detail they run -across difficulties and do some ungraceful stumbling. - -Mr. Gane ("New South Wales and Victoria in 1885 "), tried to distribute -his gratitude, and was not lucky: - - "The inhabitants of Sydney are renowned for their hospitality. The - treatment which we experienced at the hands of this generous-hearted - people will help more than anything else to make us recollect with - pleasure our stay amongst them. In the character of hosts and - hostesses they excel. The 'new chum' needs only the - acquaintanceship of one of their number, and he becomes at once the - happy recipient of numerous complimentary invitations and thoughtful - kindnesses. Of the towns it has been our good fortune to visit, - none have portrayed home so faithfully as Sydney." - -Nobody could say it finer than that. If he had put in his cork then, and -stayed away from Dubbo----but no; heedless man, he pulled it again. -Pulled it when he was away along in his book, and his memory of what he -had said about Sydney had grown dim: - - "We cannot quit the promising town of Dubbo without testifying, in - warm praise, to the kind-hearted and hospitable usages of its - inhabitants. Sydney, though well deserving the character it bears - of its kindly treatment of strangers, possesses a little formality - and reserve. In Dubbo, on the contrary, though the same congenial - manners prevail, there is a pleasing degree of respectful - familiarity which gives the town a homely comfort not often met with - elsewhere. In laying on one side our pen we feel contented in - having been able, though so late in this work, to bestow a - panegyric, however unpretentious, on a town which, though possessing - no picturesque natural surroundings, nor interesting architectural - productions, has yet a body of citizens whose hearts cannot but - obtain for their town a reputation for benevolence and kind- - heartedness." - -I wonder what soured him on Sydney. It seems strange that a pleasing -degree of three or four fingers of respectful familiarity should fill a -man up and give him the panegyrics so bad. For he has them, the worst -way--any one can see that. A man who is perfectly at himself does not -throw cold detraction at people's architectural productions and -picturesque surroundings, and let on that what he prefers is a Dubbonese -dust-storm and a pleasing degree of respectful familiarity, No, these are -old, old symptoms; and when they appear we know that the man has got the -panegyrics. - -Sydney has a population of 400,000. When a stranger from America steps -ashore there, the first thing that strikes him is that the place is eight -or nine times as large as he was expecting it to be; and the next thing -that strikes him is that it is an English city with American trimmings. -Later on, in Melbourne, he will find the American trimmings still more in -evidence; there, even the architecture will often suggest America; a -photograph of its stateliest business street might be passed upon him for -a picture of the finest street in a large American city. I was told that -the most of the fine residences were the city residences of squatters. -The name seemed out of focus somehow. When the explanation came, it -offered a new instance of the curious changes which words, as well as -animals, undergo through change of habitat and climate. With us, when -you speak of a squatter you are always supposed to be speaking of a poor -man, but in Australia when you speak of a squatter you are supposed to be -speaking of a millionaire; in America the word indicates the possessor of -a few acres and a doubtful title, in Australia it indicates a man whose -landfront is as long as a railroad, and whose title has been perfected in -one way or another; in America the word indicates a man who owns a dozen -head of live stock, in Australia a man who owns anywhere from fifty -thousand up to half a million head; in America the word indicates a man -who is obscure and not important, in Australia a man who is prominent and -of the first importance; in America you take off your hat to no squatter, -in Australia you do; in America if your uncle is a squatter you keep it -dark, in Australia you advertise it; in America if your friend is a -squatter nothing comes of it, but with a squatter for your friend in -Australia you may sup with kings if there are any around. - -In Australia it takes about two acres and a half of pastureland (some -people say twice as many), to support a sheep; and when the squatter has -half a million sheep his private domain is about as large as Rhode -Island, to speak in general terms. His annual wool crop may be worth a -quarter or a half million dollars. - -He will live in a palace in Melbourne or Sydney or some other of the -large cities, and make occasional trips to his sheep-kingdom several -hundred miles away in the great plains to look after his battalions of -riders and shepherds and other hands. He has a commodious dwelling out -there, and if he approve of you he will invite you to spend a week in it, -and will make you at home and comfortable, and let you see the great -industry in all its details, and feed you and slake you and smoke you -with the best that money can buy. - -On at least one of these vast estates there is a considerable town, with -all the various businesses and occupations that go to make an important -town; and the town and the land it stands upon are the property of the -squatters. I have seen that town, and it is not unlikely that there are -other squatter-owned towns in Australia. - -Australia supplies the world not only with fine wool, but with mutton -also. The modern invention of cold storage and its application in ships -has created this great trade. In Sydney I visited a huge establishment -where they kill and clean and solidly freeze a thousand sheep a day, for -shipment to England. - -The Australians did not seem to me to differ noticeably from Americans, -either in dress, carriage, ways, pronunciation, inflections, or general -appearance. There were fleeting and subtle suggestions of their English -origin, but these were not pronounced enough, as a rule, to catch one's -attention. The people have easy and cordial manners from the beginning ---from the moment that the introduction is completed. This is American. -To put it in another way, it is English friendliness with the English -shyness and self-consciousness left out. - -Now and then--but this is rare--one hears such words as piper for paper, -lydy for lady, and tyble for table fall from lips whence one would not -expect such pronunciations to come. There is a superstition prevalent in -Sydney that this pronunciation is an Australianism, but people who have -been "home"--as the native reverently and lovingly calls England--know -better. It is "costermonger." All over Australasia this pronunciation -is nearly as common among servants as it is in London among the -uneducated and the partially educated of all sorts and conditions of -people. That mislaid 'y' is rather striking when a person gets enough of -it into a short sentence to enable it to show up. In the hotel in Sydney -the chambermaid said, one morning: - -"The tyble is set, and here is the piper; and if the lydy is ready I'll -tell the wyter to bring up the breakfast." - -I have made passing mention, a moment ago, of the native Australasian's -custom of speaking of England as "home." It was always pretty to hear -it, and often it was said in an unconsciously caressing way that made it -touching; in a way which transmuted a sentiment into an embodiment, and -made one seem to see Australasia as a young girl stroking mother -England's old gray head. - -In the Australasian home the table-talk is vivacious and unembarrassed; -it is without stiffness or restraint. This does not remind one of -England so much as it does of America. But Australasia is strictly -democratic, and reserves and restraints are things that are bred by -differences of rank. - -English and colonial audiences are phenomenally alert and responsive. -Where masses of people are gathered together in England, caste is -submerged, and with it the English reserve; equality exists for the -moment, and every individual is free; so free from any consciousness of -fetters, indeed, that the Englishman's habit of watching himself and -guarding himself against any injudicious exposure of his feelings is -forgotten, and falls into abeyance--and to such a degree indeed, that he -will bravely applaud all by himself if he wants to--an exhibition of -daring which is unusual elsewhere in the world. - -But it is hard to move a new English acquaintance when he is by himself, -or when the company present is small and new to him. He is on his guard -then, and his natural reserve is to the fore. This has given him the -false reputation of being without humor and without the appreciation of -humor. - -Americans are not Englishmen, and American humor is not English humor; -but both the American and his humor had their origin in England, and have -merely undergone changes brought about by changed conditions and a new -environment. About the best humorous speeches I have yet heard were a -couple that were made in Australia at club suppers--one of them by an -Englishman, the other by an Australian. - - - - -CHAPTER X11. - -There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and -shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said "Faith is believing what you -know ain't so." - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -In Sydney I had a large dream, and in the course of talk I told it to a -missionary from India who was on his way to visit some relatives in New -Zealand. I dreamed that the visible universe is the physical person of -God; that the vast worlds that we see twinkling millions of miles apart -in the fields of space are the blood corpuscles in His veins; and that we -and the other creatures are the microbes that charge with multitudinous -life the corpuscles. - -Mr. X., the missionary, considered the dream awhile, then said: - - "It is not surpassable for magnitude, since its metes and bounds are - the metes and bounds of the universe itself; and it seems to me that - it almost accounts for a thing which is otherwise nearly - unaccountable--the origin of the sacred legends of the Hindoos. - Perhaps they dream them, and then honestly believe them to be divine - revelations of fact. It looks like that, for the legends are built - on so vast a scale that it does not seem reasonable that plodding - priests would happen upon such colossal fancies when awake." - -He told some of the legends, and said that they were implicitly believed -by all classes of Hindoos, including those of high social position and -intelligence; and he said that this universal credulity was a great -hindrance to the missionary in his work. Then he said something like -this: - - "At home, people wonder why Christianity does not make faster - progress in India. They hear that the Indians believe easily, and - that they have a natural trust in miracles and give them a - hospitable reception. Then they argue like this: since the Indian - believes easily, place Christianity before them and they must - believe; confirm its truths by the biblical miracles, and they will - no longer doubt, The natural deduction is, that as Christianity - makes but indifferent progress in India, the fault is with us: we - are not fortunate in presenting the doctrines and the miracles. - - "But the truth is, we are not by any means so well equipped as they - think. We have not the easy task that they imagine. To use a - military figure, we are sent against the enemy with good powder in - our guns, but only wads for bullets; that is to say, our miracles - are not effective; the Hindoos do not care for them; they have more - extraordinary ones of their own. All the details of their own - religion are proven and established by miracles; the details of ours - must be proven in the same way. When I first began my work in India - I greatly underestimated the difficulties thus put upon my task. A - correction was not long in coming. I thought as our friends think - at home--that to prepare my childlike wonder-lovers to listen with - favor to my grave message I only needed to charm the way to it with - wonders, marvels, miracles. With full confidence I told the wonders - performed by Samson, the strongest man that had ever lived--for so I - called him. - - "At first I saw lively anticipation and strong interest in the faces - of my people, but as I moved along from incident to incident of the - great story, I was distressed to see that I was steadily losing the - sympathy of my audience. I could not understand it. It was a - surprise to me, and a disappointment. Before I was through, the - fading sympathy had paled to indifference. Thence to the end the - indifference remained; I was not able to make any impression upon - it. - - "A good old Hindoo gentleman told me where my trouble lay. He said - 'We Hindoos recognize a god by the work of his hands--we accept no - other testimony. Apparently, this is also the rule with you - Christians. And we know when a man has his power from a god by the - fact that he does things which he could not do, as a man, with the - mere powers of a man. Plainly, this is the Christian's way also, of - knowing when a man is working by a god's power and not by his own. - You saw that there was a supernatural property in the hair of - Samson; for you perceived that when his hair was gone he was as - other men. It is our way, as I have said. There are many nations - in the world, and each group of nations has its own gods, and will - pay no worship to the gods of the others. Each group believes its - own gods to be strongest, and it will not exchange them except for - gods that shall be proven to be their superiors in power. Man is - but a weak creature, and needs the help of gods--he cannot do - without it. Shall he place his fate in the hands of weak gods when - there may be stronger ones to be found? That would be foolish. No, - if he hear of gods that are stronger than his own, he should not - turn a deaf ear, for it is not a light matter that is at stake. How - then shall he determine which gods are the stronger, his own or - those that preside over the concerns of other nations? By comparing - the known works of his own gods with the works of those others; - there is no other way. Now, when we make this comparison, we are - not drawn towards the gods of any other nation. Our gods are shown - by their works to be the strongest, the most powerful. The - Christians have but few gods, and they are new--new, and not strong; - as it seems to us. They will increase in number, it is true, for - this has happened with all gods, but that time is far away, many - ages and decades of ages away, for gods multiply slowly, as is meet - for beings to whom a thousand years is but a single moment. Our own - gods have been born millions of years apart. The process is slow, - the gathering of strength and power is similarly slow. In the slow - lapse of the ages the steadily accumulating power of our gods has at - last become prodigious. We have a thousand proofs of this in the - colossal character of their personal acts and the acts of ordinary - men to whom they have given supernatural qualities. To your Samson - was given supernatural power, and when he broke the withes, and slew - the thousands with the jawbone of an ass, and carried away the - gate's of the city upon his shoulders, you were amazed--and also - awed, for you recognized the divine source of his strength. But it - could not profit to place these things before your Hindoo - congregation and invite their wonder; for they would compare them - with the deed done by Hanuman, when our gods infused their divine - strength into his muscles; and they would be indifferent to them--as - you saw. In the old, old times, ages and ages gone by, when our god - Rama was warring with the demon god of Ceylon, Rama bethought him to - bridge the sea and connect Ceylon with India, so that his armies - might pass easily over; and he sent his general, Hanuman, inspired - like your own Samson with divine strength, to bring the materials - for the bridge. In two days Hanuman strode fifteen hundred miles, - to the Himalayas, and took upon his shoulder a range of those lofty - mountains two hundred miles long, and started with it toward Ceylon. - It was in the night; and, as he passed along the plain, the people - of Govardhun heard the thunder of his tread and felt the earth - rocking under it, and they ran out, and there, with their snowy - summits piled to heaven, they saw the Himalayas passing by. And as - this huge continent swept along overshadowing the earth, upon its - slopes they discerned the twinkling lights of a thousand sleeping - villages, and it was as if the constellations were filing in - procession through the sky. While they were looking, Hanuman - stumbled, and a small ridge of red sandstone twenty miles long was - jolted loose and fell. Half of its length has wasted away in the - course of the ages, but the other ten miles of it remain in the - plain by Govardhun to this day as proof of the might of the - inspiration of our gods. You must know, yourself, that Hanuman - could not have carried those mountains to Ceylon except by the - strength of the gods. You know that it was not done by his own - strength, therefore, you know that it was done by the strength of - the gods, just as you know that Samson carried the gates by the - divine strength and not by his own. I think you must concede two - things: First, That in carrying the gates of the city upon his - shoulders, Samson did not establish the superiority of his gods over - ours; secondly, That his feat is not supported by any but verbal - evidence, while Hanuman's is not only supported by verbal evidence, - but this evidence is confirmed, established, proven, by visible, - tangible evidence, which is the strongest of all testimony. We have - the sandstone ridge, and while it remains we cannot doubt, and shall - not. Have you the gates?'" - - - - -CHAPTER XIII. - -The timid man yearns for full value and asks a tenth. The bold man -strikes for double value and compromises on par. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -One is sure to be struck by the liberal way in which Australasia spends -money upon public works--such as legislative buildings, town halls, -hospitals, asylums, parks, and botanical gardens. I should say that -where minor towns in America spend a hundred dollars on the town hall and -on public parks and gardens, the like towns in Australasia spend a -thousand. And I think that this ratio will hold good in the matter of -hospitals, also. I have seen a costly and well-equipped, and -architecturally handsome hospital in an Australian village of fifteen -hundred inhabitants. It was built by private funds furnished by the -villagers and the neighboring planters, and its running expenses were -drawn from the same sources. I suppose it would be hard to match this in -any country. This village was about to close a contract for lighting its -streets with the electric light, when I was there. That is ahead of -London. London is still obscured by gas--gas pretty widely scattered, -too, in some of the districts; so widely indeed, that except on moonlight -nights it is difficult to find the gas lamps. - -The botanical garden of Sydney covers thirty-eight acres, beautifully -laid out and rich with the spoil of all the lands and all the climes of -the world. The garden is on high ground in the middle of the town, -overlooking the great harbor, and it adjoins the spacious grounds of -Government House--fifty-six acres; and at hand also, is a recreation -ground containing eighty-two acres. In addition, there are the -zoological gardens, the race-course, and the great cricket-grounds where -the international matches are played. Therefore there is plenty of room -for reposeful lazying and lounging, and for exercise too, for such as -like that kind of work. - -There are four specialties attainable in the way of social pleasure. If -you enter your name on the Visitor's Book at Government House you will -receive an invitation to the next ball that takes place there, if nothing -can be proven against you. And it will be very pleasant; for you will -see everybody except the Governor, and add a number of acquaintances and -several friends to your list. The Governor will be in England. He -always is. The continent has four or five governors, and I do not know -how many it takes to govern the outlying archipelago; but anyway you will -not see them. When they are appointed they come out from England and get -inaugurated, and give a ball, and help pray for rain, and get aboard ship -and go back home. And so the Lieutenant-Governor has to do all the work. -I was in Australasia three months and a half, and saw only one Governor. -The others were at home. - -The Australasian Governor would not be so restless, perhaps, if he had a -war, or a veto, or something like that to call for his reserve-energies, -but he hasn't. There isn't any war, and there isn't any veto in his -hands. And so there is really little or nothing doing in his line. The -country governs itself, and prefers to do it; and is so strenuous about -it and so jealous of its independence that it grows restive if even the -Imperial Government at home proposes to help; and so the Imperial veto, -while a fact, is yet mainly a name. - -Thus the Governor's functions are much more limited than are a Governor's -functions with us. And therefore more fatiguing. He is the apparent -head of the State, he is the real head of Society. He represents -culture, refinement, elevated sentiment, polite life, religion; and by -his example he propagates these, and they spread and flourish and bear -good fruit. He creates the fashion, and leads it. His ball is the ball -of balls, and his countenance makes the horse-race thrive. - -He is usually a lord, and this is well; for his position compels him to -lead an expensive life, and an English lord is generally well equipped -for that. - -Another of Sydney's social pleasures is the visit to the Admiralty House; -which is nobly situated on high ground overlooking the water. The trim -boats of the service convey the guests thither; and there, or on board -the flag-ship, they have the duplicate of the hospitalities of Government -House. The Admiral commanding a station in British waters is a magnate -of the first degree, and he is sumptuously housed, as becomes the dignity -of his office. - -Third in the list of special pleasures is the tour of the harbor in a -fine steam pleasure-launch. Your richer friends own boats of this kind, -and they will invite you, and the joys of the trip will make a long day -seem short. - -And finally comes the shark-fishing. Sydney Harbor is populous with the -finest breeds of man-eating sharks in the world. Some people make their -living catching them; for the Government pays a cash bounty on them. The -larger the shark the larger the bounty, and some of the sharks are twenty -feet long. You not only get the bounty, but everything that is in the -shark belongs to you. Sometimes the contents are quite valuable. - -The shark is the swiftest fish that swims. The speed of the fastest -steamer afloat is poor compared to his. And he is a great gad-about, and -roams far and wide in the oceans, and visits the shores of all of them, -ultimately, in the course of his restless excursions. I have a tale to -tell now, which has not as yet been in print. In 1870 a young stranger -arrived in Sydney, and set about finding something to do; but he knew no -one, and brought no recommendations, and the result was that he got no -employment. He had aimed high, at first, but as time and his money -wasted away he grew less and less exacting, until at last he was willing -to serve in the humblest capacities if so he might get bread and shelter. -But luck was still against him; he could find no opening of any sort. -Finally his money was all gone. He walked the streets all day, thinking; -he walked them all night, thinking, thinking, and growing hungrier and -hungrier. At dawn he found himself well away from the town and drifting -aimlessly along the harbor shore. As he was passing by a nodding shark- -fisher the man looked up and said---- - -"Say, young fellow, take my line a spell, and change my luck for me." - -"How do you know I won't make it worse?" - -"Because you can't. It has been at its worst all night. - -If you can't change it, no harm's done; if you do change it, it's for the -better, of course. Come." - -"All right, what will you give.?" - -"I'll give you the shark, if you catch one." - -"And I will eat it, bones and all. Give me the line." - -"Here you are. I will get away, now, for awhile, so that my luck won't -spoil yours; for many and many a time I've noticed that if----there, pull -in, pull in, man, you've got a bite! I knew how it would be. Why, I -knew you for a born son of luck the minute I saw you. All right--he's -landed." - -It was an unusually large shark--"a full nineteen-footer," the fisherman -said, as he laid the creature open with his knife. - -"Now you rob him, young man, while I step to my hamper for a fresh bait. -There's generally something in them worth going for. You've changed my -luck, you see. But my goodness, I hope you haven't changed your own." - -"Oh, it wouldn't matter; don't worry about that. Get your bait. I'll -rob him." - -When the fisherman got back the young man had just finished washing his -hands in the bay, and was starting away. - -"What, you are not going?" - -"Yes. Good-bye." - -"But what about your shark?" - -"The shark? Why, what use is he to me?" - -"What use is he? I like that. Don't you know that we can go and report -him to Government, and you'll get a clean solid eighty shillings bounty? -Hard cash, you know. What do you think about it now?" - -"Oh, well, you can collect it." - -"And keep it? Is that what you mean?" - -"Yes." - -"Well, this is odd. You're one of those sort they call eccentrics, I -judge. The saying is, you mustn't judge a man by his clothes, and I'm -believing it now. Why yours are looking just ratty, don't you know; and -yet you must be rich." - -"I am." - -The young man walked slowly back to the town, deeply musing as he went. -He halted a moment in front of the best restaurant, then glanced at his -clothes and passed on, and got his breakfast at a "stand-up." There was -a good deal of it, and it cost five shillings. He tendered a sovereign, -got his change, glanced at his silver, muttered to himself, "There isn't -enough to buy clothes with," and went his way. - -At half-past nine the richest wool-broker in Sydney was sitting in his -morning-room at home, settling his breakfast with the morning paper. A -servant put his head in and said: - -"There's a sundowner at the door wants to see you, sir." - -"What do you bring that kind of a message here for? Send him about his -business." - -"He won't go, sir. I've tried." - -"He won't go? That's--why, that's unusual. He's one of two things, -then: he's a remarkable person, or he's crazy. Is he crazy?" - -"No, sir. He don't look it." - -"Then he's remarkable. What does he say he wants?" - -"He won't tell, sir; only says it's very important." - -"And won't go. Does he say he won't go?" - -"Says he'll stand there till he sees you, sir, if it's all day." - -"And yet isn't crazy. Show him up." - -The sundowner was shown in. The broker said to himself, "No, he's not -crazy; that is easy to see; so he must be the other thing." - -Then aloud, "Well, my good fellow, be quick about it; don't waste any -words; what is it you want?" - -"I want to borrow a hundred thousand pounds." - -"Scott! (It's a mistake; he is crazy . . . . No--he can't be--not -with that eye.) Why, you take my breath away. Come, who are you?" - -"Nobody that you know." - -"What is your name?" - -"Cecil Rhodes." - -"No, I don't remember hearing the name before. Now then--just for -curiosity's sake--what has sent you to me on this extraordinary errand?" - -"The intention to make a hundred thousand pounds for you and as much for -myself within the next sixty days." - -"Well, well, well. It is the most extraordinary idea that--sit down--you -interest me. And somehow you--well, you fascinate me; I think that that -is about the word. And it isn't your proposition--no, that doesn't -fascinate me; it's something else, I don't quite know what; something -that's born in you and oozes out of you, I suppose. Now then just for -curiosity's sake again, nothing more: as I understand it, it is your -desire to bor----" - -"I said intention." - -"Pardon, so you did. I thought it was an unheedful use of the word--an -unheedful valuing of its strength, you know." - -"I knew its strength." - -"Well, I must say--but look here, let me walk the floor a little, my mind -is getting into a sort of whirl, though you don't seem disturbed any. -(Plainly this young fellow isn't crazy; but as to his being remarkable-- -well, really he amounts to that, and something over.) Now then, I -believe I am beyond the reach of further astonishment. Strike, and spare -not. What is your scheme?" - -"To buy the wool crop--deliverable in sixty days." - -"What, the whole of it?" - -"The whole of it." - -"No, I was not quite out of the reach of surprises, after all. Why, how -you talk! Do you know what our crop is going to foot up?" - -"Two and a half million sterling--maybe a little more." - -"Well, you've got your statistics right, any way. Now, then, do you know -what the margins would foot up, to buy it at sixty days?" - -"The hundred thousand pounds I came here to get." - -"Right, once more. Well, dear me, just to see what would happen, I wish -you had the money. And if you had it, what would you do with it?" - -"I shall make two hundred thousand pounds out of it in sixty days." - -"You mean, of course, that you might make it if----" - -"I said 'shall'." - -"Yes, by George, you did say 'shall'! You are the most definite devil I -ever saw, in the matter of language. Dear, dear, dear, look here! -Definite speech means clarity of mind. Upon my word I believe you've got -what you believe to be a rational reason, for venturing into this house, -an entire stranger, on this wild scheme of buying the wool crop of an -entire colony on speculation. Bring it out--I am prepared--acclimatized, -if I may use the word. Why would you buy the crop, and why would you -make that sum out of it? That is to say, what makes you think you----" - -"I don't think--I know." - -"Definite again. How do you know?" - -"Because France has declared war against Germany, and wool has gone up -fourteen per cent. in London and is still rising." - -"Oh, in-deed? Now then, I've got you! Such a thunderbolt as you have -just let fly ought to have made me jump out of my chair, but it didn't -stir me the least little bit, you see. And for a very simple reason: I -have read the morning paper. You can look at it if you want to. The -fastest ship in the service arrived at eleven o'clock last night, fifty -days out from London. All her news is printed here. There are no war- -clouds anywhere; and as for wool, why, it is the low-spiritedest -commodity in the English market. It is your turn to jump, now . . . . -Well, why, don't you jump? Why do you sit there in that placid fashion, -when----" - -"Because I have later news." - -"Later news? Oh, come--later news than fifty days, brought steaming hot -from London by the----" - -"My news is only ten days old." - -"Oh, Mun-chausen, hear the maniac talk! Where did you get it?" - -"Got it out of a shark." - -"Oh, oh, oh, this is too much! Front! call the police bring the gun-- -raise the town! All the asylums in Christendom have broken loose in the -single person of----" - -"Sit down! And collect yourself. Where is the use in getting excited? -Am I excited? There is nothing to get excited about. When I make a -statement which I cannot prove, it will be time enough for you to begin -to offer hospitality to damaging fancies about me and my sanity." - -"Oh, a thousand, thousand pardons! I ought to be ashamed of myself, and -I am ashamed of myself for thinking that a little bit of a circumstance -like sending a shark to England to fetch back a market report----" - -"What does your middle initial stand for, sir?" - -"Andrew. What are you writing?" - -"Wait a moment. Proof about the shark--and another matter. Only ten -lines. There--now it is done. Sign it." - -"Many thanks--many. Let me see; it says--it says oh, come, this is -interesting! Why--why--look here! prove what you say here, and I'll put -up the money, and double as much, if necessary, and divide the winnings -with you, half and half. There, now--I've signed; make your promise good -if you can. Show me a copy of the London Times only ten days old." - -"Here it is--and with it these buttons and a memorandum book that -belonged to the man the shark swallowed. Swallowed him in the Thames, -without a doubt; for you will notice that the last entry in the book is -dated 'London,' and is of the same date as the Times, and says, 'Ber -confequentz der Kreigeseflarun, reife ich heute nach Deutchland ab, aur -bak ich mein leben auf dem Ultar meines Landes legen mag'----, as clean -native German as anybody can put upon paper, and means that in -consequence of the declaration of war, this loyal soul is leaving for -home to-day, to fight. And he did leave, too, but the shark had him -before the day was done, poor fellow." - -"And a pity, too. But there are times for mourning, and we will attend -to this case further on; other matters are pressing, now. I will go down -and set the machinery in motion in a quiet way and buy the crop. It will -cheer the drooping spirits of the boys, in a transitory way. Everything -is transitory in this world. Sixty days hence, when they are called to -deliver the goods, they will think they've been struck by lightning. But -there is a time for mourning, and we will attend to that case along with -the other one. Come along, I'll take you to my tailor. What did you say -your name is?" - -"Cecil Rhodes." - -"It is hard to remember. However, I think you will make it easier by and -by, if you live. There are three kinds of people--Commonplace Men, -Remarkable Men, and Lunatics. I'll classify you with the Remarkables, -and take the chances." - -The deal went through, and secured to the young stranger the first -fortune he ever pocketed. - -The people of Sydney ought to be afraid of the sharks, but for some -reason they do not seem to be. On Saturdays the young men go out in -their boats, and sometimes the water is fairly covered with the little -sails. A boat upsets now and then, by accident, a result of tumultuous -skylarking; sometimes the boys upset their boat for fun--such as it is -with sharks visibly waiting around for just such an occurrence. The -young fellows scramble aboard whole--sometimes--not always. Tragedies -have happened more than once. While I was in Sydney it was reported that -a boy fell out of a boat in the mouth of the Paramatta river and screamed -for help and a boy jumped overboard from another boat to save him from -the assembling sharks; but the sharks made swift work with the lives of -both. - -The government pays a bounty for the shark; to get the bounty the -fishermen bait the hook or the seine with agreeable mutton; the news -spreads and the sharks come from all over the Pacific Ocean to get the -free board. In time the shark culture will be one of the most successful -things in the colony. - - - - -CHAPTER XIV. - -We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but -our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of -securing that. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -My health had broken down in New York in May; it had remained in a -doubtful but fairish condition during a succeeding period of 82 days; it -broke again on the Pacific. It broke again in Sydney, but not until -after I had had a good outing, and had also filled my lecture -engagements. This latest break lost me the chance of seeing Queensland. -In the circumstances, to go north toward hotter weather was not -advisable. - -So we moved south with a westward slant, 17 hours by rail to the capital -of the colony of Victoria, Melbourne--that juvenile city of sixty years, -and half a million inhabitants. On the map the distance looked small; -but that is a trouble with all divisions of distance in such a vast -country as Australia. The colony of Victoria itself looks small on the -map--looks like a county, in fact--yet it is about as large as England, -Scotland, and Wales combined. Or, to get another focus upon it, it is -just 80 times as large as the state of Rhode Island, and one-third as -large as the State of Texas. - -Outside of Melbourne, Victoria seems to be owned by a handful of -squatters, each with a Rhode Island for a sheep farm. That is the -impression which one gathers from common talk, yet the wool industry of -Victoria is by no means so great as that of New South Wales. The climate -of Victoria is favorable to other great industries--among others, wheat- -growing and the making of wine. - -We took the train at Sydney at about four in the afternoon. It was -American in one way, for we had a most rational sleeping car; also the -car was clean and fine and new--nothing about it to suggest the rolling -stock of the continent of Europe. But our baggage was weighed, and extra -weight charged for. That was continental. Continental and troublesome. -Any detail of railroading that is not troublesome cannot honorably be -described as continental. - -The tickets were round-trip ones--to Melbourne, and clear to Adelaide in -South Australia, and then all the way back to Sydney. Twelve hundred -more miles than we really expected to make; but then as the round trip -wouldn't cost much more than the single trip, it seemed well enough to -buy as many miles as one could afford, even if one was not likely to need -them. A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing -than he needs. - -Now comes a singular thing: the oddest thing, the strangest thing, the -most baffling and unaccountable marvel that Australasia can show. At the -frontier between New South Wales and Victoria our multitude of passengers -were routed out of their snug beds by lantern-light in the morning in the -biting-cold of a high altitude to change cars on a road that has no break -in it from Sydney to Melbourne! Think of the paralysis of intellect that -gave that idea birth; imagine the boulder it emerged from on some -petrified legislator's shoulders. - -It is a narrow-gage road to the frontier, and a broader gauge thence to -Melbourne. The two governments were the builders of the road and are the -owners of it. One or two reasons are given for this curious state of -things. One is, that it represents the jealousy existing between the -colonies--the two most important colonies of Australasia. What the other -one is, I have forgotten. But it is of no consequence. It could be but -another effort to explain the inexplicable. - -All passengers fret at the double-gauge; all shippers of freight must of -course fret at it; unnecessary expense, delay, and annoyance are imposed -upon everybody concerned, and no one is benefitted. - -Each Australian colony fences itself off from its neighbor with a custom- -house. Personally, I have no objection, but it must be a good deal of -inconvenience to the people. We have something resembling it here and -there in America, but it goes by another name. The large empire of the -Pacific coast requires a world of iron machinery, and could manufacture -it economically on the spot if the imposts on foreign iron were removed. -But they are not. Protection to Pennsylvania and Alabama forbids it. -The result to the Pacific coast is the same as if there were several rows -of custom-fences between the coast and the East. Iron carted across the -American continent at luxurious railway rates would be valuable enough to -be coined when it arrived. - -We changed cars. This was at Albury. And it was there, I think, that -the growing day and the early sun exposed the distant range called the -Blue Mountains. Accurately named. "My word!" as the Australians say, -but it was a stunning color, that blue. Deep, strong, rich, exquisite; -towering and majestic masses of blue--a softly luminous blue, a -smouldering blue, as if vaguely lit by fires within. It extinguished the -blue of the sky--made it pallid and unwholesome, whitey and washed-out. -A wonderful color--just divine. - -A resident told me that those were not mountains; he said they were -rabbit-piles. And explained that long exposure and the over-ripe -condition of the rabbits was what made them look so blue. This man may -have been right, but much reading of books of travel has made me -distrustful of gratis information furnished by unofficial residents of a -country. The facts which such people give to travelers are usually -erroneous, and often intemperately so. The rabbit-plague has indeed been -very bad in Australia, and it could account for one mountain, but not for -a mountain range, it seems to me. It is too large an order. - -We breakfasted at the station. A good breakfast, except the coffee; and -cheap. The Government establishes the prices and placards them. The -waiters were men, I think; but that is not usual in Australasia. The -usual thing is to have girls. No, not girls, young ladies--generally -duchesses. Dress? They would attract attention at any royal levee in -Europe. Even empresses and queens do not dress as they do. Not that -they could not afford it, perhaps, but they would not know how. - -All the pleasant morning we slid smoothly along over the plains, through -thin--not thick--forests of great melancholy gum trees, with trunks -rugged with curled sheets of flaking bark--erysipelas convalescents, so -to speak, shedding their dead skins. And all along were tiny cabins, -built sometimes of wood, sometimes of gray-blue corrugated iron; and the -doorsteps and fences were clogged with children--rugged little simply- -clad chaps that looked as if they had been imported from the banks of the -Mississippi without breaking bulk. - -And there were little villages, with neat stations well placarded with -showy advertisements--mainly of almost too self-righteous brands of -"sheepdip." If that is the name--and I think it is. It is a stuff like -tar, and is dabbed on to places where the shearer clips a piece out of -the sheep. It bars out the flies, and has healing properties, and a nip -to it which makes the sheep skip like the cattle on a thousand hills. It -is not good to eat. That is, it is not good to eat except when mixed -with railroad coffee. It improves railroad coffee. Without it railroad -coffee is too vague. But with it, it is quite assertive and -enthusiastic. By itself, railroad coffee is too passive; but sheep-dip -makes it wake up and get down to business. I wonder where they get -railroad coffee? - -We saw birds, but not a kangaroo, not an emu, not an ornithorhynchus, not -a lecturer, not a native. Indeed, the land seemed quite destitute of -game. But I have misused the word native. In Australia it is applied to -Australian-born whites only. I should have said that we saw no -Aboriginals--no "blackfellows." And to this day I have never seen one. -In the great museums you will find all the other curiosities, but in the -curio of chiefest interest to the stranger all of them are lacking. We -have at home an abundance of museums, and not an American Indian in them. -It is clearly an absurdity, but it never struck me before. - - - - -CHAPTER XV. - -Truth is stranger than fiction--to some people, but I am measurably -familiar with it. - --- Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to -stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -The air was balmy and delicious, the sunshine radiant; it was a charming -excursion. In the course of it we came to a town whose odd name was -famous all over the world a quarter of a century ago--Wagga-Wagga. This -was because the Tichborne Claimant had kept a butcher-shop there. It was -out of the midst of his humble collection of sausages and tripe that he -soared up into the zenith of notoriety and hung there in the wastes of -space a time, with the telescopes of all nations leveled at him in -unappeasable curiosity--curiosity as to which of the two long-missing -persons he was: Arthur Orton, the mislaid roustabout of Wapping, or Sir -Roger Tichborne, the lost heir of a name and estates as old as English -history. We all know now, but not a dozen people knew then; and the -dozen kept the mystery to themselves and allowed the most intricate and -fascinating and marvelous real-life romance that has ever been played -upon the world's stage to unfold itself serenely, act by act, in a -British court by the long and laborious processes of judicial -development. - -When we recall the details of that great romance we marvel to see what -daring chances truth may freely take in constructing a tale, as compared -with the poor little conservative risks permitted to fiction. The -fiction-artist could achieve no success with the materials of this -splendid Tichborne romance. - -He would have to drop out the chief characters; the public would say such -people are impossible. He would have to drop out a number of the most -picturesque incidents; the public would say such things could never -happen. And yet the chief characters did exist, and the incidents did -happen. - -It cost the Tichborne estates $400,000 to unmask the Claimant and drive -him out; and even after the exposure multitudes of Englishmen still -believed in him. It cost the British Government another $400,000 to -convict him of perjury; and after the conviction the same old multitudes -still believed in him; and among these believers were many educated and -intelligent men; and some of them had personally known the real Sir -Roger. The Claimant was sentenced to 14 years' imprisonment. When he -got out of prison he went to New York and kept a whisky saloon in the -Bowery for a time, then disappeared from view. - -He always claimed to be Sir Roger Tichborne until death called for him. -This was but a few months ago--not very much short of a generation since -he left Wagga-Wagga to go and possess himself of his estates. On his -death-bed he yielded up his secret, and confessed in writing that he was -only Arthur Orton of Wapping, able seaman and butcher--that and nothing -more. But it is scarcely to be doubted that there are people whom even -his dying confession will not convince. The old habit of assimilating -incredibilities must have made strong food a necessity in their case; a -weaker article would probably disagree with them. - -I was in London when the Claimant stood his trial for perjury. I -attended one of his showy evenings in the sumptuous quarters provided for -him from the purses of his adherents and well-wishers. He was in evening -dress, and I thought him a rather fine and stately creature. There were -about twenty-five gentlemen present; educated men, men moving in good -society, none of them commonplace; some of them were men of distinction, -none of them were obscurities. They were his cordial friends and -admirers. It was "Sir Roger," always "Sir Roger," on all hands; no one -withheld the title, all turned it from the tongue with unction, and as if -it tasted good. - -For many years I had had a mystery in stock. Melbourne, and only -Melbourne, could unriddle it for me. In 1873 I arrived in London with my -wife and young child, and presently received a note from Naples signed by -a name not familiar to me. It was not Bascom, and it was not Henry; but -I will call it Henry Bascom for convenience's sake. This note, of about -six lines, was written on a strip of white paper whose end-edges were -ragged. I came to be familiar with those strips in later years. Their -size and pattern were always the same. Their contents were usually to -the same effect: would I and mine come to the writer's country-place in -England on such and such a date, by such and such a train, and stay -twelve days and depart by such and such a train at the end of the -specified time? A carriage would meet us at the station. - -These invitations were always for a long time ahead; if we were in -Europe, three months ahead; if we were in America, six to twelve months -ahead. They always named the exact date and train for the beginning and -also for the end of the visit. - -This first note invited us for a date three months in the future. It -asked us to arrive by the 4.10 p.m. train from London, August 6th. The -carriage would be waiting. The carriage would take us away seven days -later-train specified. And there were these words: "Speak to Tom -Hughes." - -I showed the note to the author of "Tom Brown at Rugby," and be said: -"Accept, and be thankful." - -He described Mr. Bascom as being a man of genius, a man of fine -attainments, a choice man in every way, a rare and beautiful character. -He said that Bascom Hall was a particularly fine example of the stately -manorial mansion of Elizabeth's days, and that it was a house worth going -a long way to see--like Knowle; that Mr. B. was of a social disposition; -liked the company of agreeable people, and always had samples of the sort -coming and going. - -We paid the visit. We paid others, in later years--the last one in 1879. -Soon after that Mr. Bascom started on a voyage around the world in a -steam yacht--a long and leisurely trip, for he was making collections, in -all lands, of birds, butterflies, and such things. - -The day that President Garfield was shot by the assassin Guiteau, we were -at a little watering place on Long Island Sound; and in the mail matter -of that day came a letter with the Melbourne post-mark on it. It was for -my wife, but I recognized Mr. Bascom's handwriting on the envelope, and -opened it. It was the usual note--as to paucity of lines--and was -written on the customary strip of paper; but there was nothing usual -about the contents. The note informed my wife that if it would be any -assuagement of her grief to know that her husband's lecture-tour in -Australia was a satisfactory venture from the beginning to the end, he, -the writer, could testify that such was the case; also, that her -husband's untimely death had been mourned by all classes, as she would -already know by the press telegrams, long before the reception of this -note; that the funeral was attended by the officials of the colonial and -city governments; and that while he, the writer, her friend and mine, had -not reached Melbourne in time to see the body, he had at least had the -sad privilege of acting as one of the pall-bearers. Signed, "Henry -Bascom." - -My first thought was, why didn't he have the coffin opened? He would -have seen that the corpse was an imposter, and he could have gone right -ahead and dried up the most of those tears, and comforted those sorrowing -governments, and sold the remains and sent me the money. - -I did nothing about the matter. I had set the law after living lecture -doubles of mine a couple of times in America, and the law had not been -able to catch them; others in my trade had tried to catch their impostor- -doubles and had failed. Then where was the use in harrying a ghost? -None--and so I did not disturb it. I had a curiosity to know about that -man's lecture-tour and last moments, but that could wait. When I should -see Mr. Bascom he would tell me all about it. But he passed from life, -and I never saw him again.. My curiosity faded away. - -However, when I found that I was going to Australia it revived. And -naturally: for if the people should say that I was a dull, poor thing -compared to what I was before I died, it would have a bad effect on -business. Well, to my surprise the Sydney journalists had never heard of -that impostor! I pressed them, but they were firm--they had never heard -of him, and didn't believe in him. - -I could not understand it; still, I thought it would all come right in -Melbourne. The government would remember; and the other mourners. At -the supper of the Institute of Journalists I should find out all about -the matter. But no--it turned out that they had never heard of it. - -So my mystery was a mystery still. It was a great disappointment. I -believed it would never be cleared up--in this life--so I dropped it out -of my mind. - -But at last! just when I was least expecting it---- - -However, this is not the place for the rest of it; I shall come to the -matter again, in a far-distant chapter. - - - - -CHAPTER XVI. - -There is a Moral sense, and there is an Immoral Sense. History shows us -that the Moral Sense enables us to perceive morality and how to avoid it, -and that the Immoral Sense enables us to perceive immorality and how to -enjoy it. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -Melbourne spreads around over an immense area of ground. It is a stately -city architecturally as well as in magnitude. It has an elaborate system -of cable-car service; it has museums, and colleges, and schools, and -public gardens, and electricity, and gas, and libraries, and ,theaters, -and mining centers, and wool centers, and centers of the arts and -sciences, and boards of trade, and ships, and railroads, and a harbor, -and social clubs, and journalistic clubs, and racing clubs, and a -squatter club sumptuously housed and appointed, and as many churches and -banks as can make a living. In a word, it is equipped with everything -that goes to make the modern great city. It is the largest city of -Australasia, and fills the post with honor and credit. It has one -specialty; this must not be jumbled in with those other things. It is -the mitred Metropolitan of the Horse-Racing Cult. Its race-ground is the -Mecca of Australasia. On the great annual day of sacrifice--the 5th of -November, Guy Fawkes's Day--business is suspended over a stretch of land -and sea as wide as from New York to San Francisco, and deeper than from -the northern lakes to the Gulf of Mexico; and every man and woman, of -high degree or low, who can afford the expense, put away their other -duties and come. They begin to swarm in by ship and rail a fortnight -before the day, and they swarm thicker and thicker day after day, until -all the vehicles of transportation are taxed to their uttermost to meet -the demands of the occasion, and all hotels and lodgings are bulging -outward because of the pressure from within. They come a hundred -thousand strong, as all the best authorities say, and they pack the -spacious grounds and grandstands and make a spectacle such as is never to -be seen in Australasia elsewhere. - -It is the "Melbourne Cup" that brings this multitude together. Their -clothes have been ordered long ago, at unlimited cost, and without bounds -as to beauty and magnificence, and have been kept in concealment until -now, for unto this day are they consecrate. I am speaking of the ladies' -clothes; but one might know that. - -And so the grand-stands make a brilliant and wonderful spectacle, a -delirium of color, a vision of beauty. The champagne flows, everybody is -vivacious, excited, happy; everybody bets, and gloves and fortunes change -hands right along, all the time. Day after day the races go on, and the -fun and the excitement are kept at white heat; and when each day is done, -the people dance all night so as to be fresh for the race in the morning. -And at the end of the great week the swarms secure lodgings and -transportation for next year, then flock away to their remote homes and -count their gains and losses, and order next year's Cup-clothes, and then -lie down and sleep two weeks, and get up sorry to reflect that a whole -year must be put in somehow or other before they can be wholly happy -again. - -The Melbourne Cup is the Australasian National Day. It would be -difficult to overstate its importance. It overshadows all other holidays -and specialized days of whatever sort in that congeries of colonies. -Overshadows them? I might almost say it blots them out. Each of them -gets attention, but not everybody's; each of them evokes interest, but -not everybody's; each of them rouses enthusiasm, but not everybody's; in -each case a part of the attention, interest, and enthusiasm is a matter -of habit and custom, and another part of it is official and perfunctory. -Cup Day, and Cup Day only, commands an attention, an interest, and an -enthusiasm which are universal--and spontaneous, not perfunctory. Cup -Day is supreme it has no rival. I can call to mind no specialized annual -day, in any country, which can be named by that large name--Supreme. I -can call to mind no specialized annual day, in any country, whose -approach fires the whole land with a conflagration of conversation and -preparation and anticipation and jubilation. No day save this one; but -this one does it. - -In America we have no annual supreme day; no day whose approach makes the -whole nation glad. We have the Fourth of July, and Christmas, and -Thanksgiving. Neither of them can claim the primacy; neither of them can -arouse an enthusiasm which comes near to being universal. Eight grown -Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium -and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone--if still alive. The -approach of Christmas brings harassment and dread to many excellent -people. They have to buy a cart-load of presents, and they never know -what to buy to hit the various tastes; they put in three weeks of hard -and anxious work, and when Christmas morning comes they are so -dissatisfied with the result, and so disappointed that they want to sit -down and cry. Then they give thanks that Christmas comes but once a -year. The observance of Thanksgiving Day--as a function--has become -general of late years. The Thankfulness is not so general. This is -natural. Two-thirds of the nation have always had hard luck and a hard -time during the year, and this has a calming effect upon their -enthusiasm. - -We have a supreme day--a sweeping and tremendous and tumultuous day, a -day which commands an absolute universality of interest and excitement; -but it is not annual. It comes but once in four years; therefore it -cannot count as a rival of the Melbourne Cup. - -In Great Britain and Ireland they have two great days--Christmas and the -Queen's birthday. But they are equally popular; there is no supremacy. - -I think it must be conceded that the position of the Australasian Day is -unique, solitary, unfellowed; and likely to hold that high place a long -time. - -The next things which interest us when we travel are, first, the people; -next, the novelties; and finally the history of the places and countries -visited. Novelties are rare in cities which represent the most advanced -civilization of the modern day. When one is familiar with such cities in -the other parts of the world he is in effect familiar with the cities of -Australasia. The outside aspects will furnish little that is new. There -will be new names, but the things which they represent will sometimes be -found to be less new than their names. There may be shades of -difference, but these can easily be too fine for detection by the -incompetent eye of the passing stranger. In the larrikin he will not be -able to discover a new species, but only an old one met elsewhere, and -variously called loafer, rough, tough, bummer, or blatherskite, according -to his geographical distribution. The larrikin differs by a shade from -those others, in that he is more sociable toward the stranger than they, -more kindly disposed, more hospitable, more hearty, more friendly. At -least it seemed so to me, and I had opportunity to observe. In Sydney, -at least. In Melbourne I had to drive to and from the lecture-theater, -but in Sydney I was able to walk both ways, and did it. Every night, on -my way home at ten, or a quarter past, I found the larrikin grouped in -considerable force at several of the street corners, and he always gave -me this pleasant salutation: - -"Hello, Mark!" - -"Here's to you, old chap! - -"Say--Mark!--is he dead? --a reference to a passage in some book of mine, -though I did not detect, at that time, that that was its source. And I -didn't detect it afterward in Melbourne, when I came on the stage for the -first time, and the same question was dropped down upon me from the dizzy -height of the gallery. It is always difficult to answer a sudden inquiry -like that, when you have come unprepared and don't know what it means. -I will remark here--if it is not an indecorum--that the welcome which an -American lecturer gets from a British colonial audience is a thing which -will move him to his deepest deeps, and veil his sight and break his -voice. And from Winnipeg to Africa, experience will teach him nothing; -he will never learn to expect it, it will catch him as a surprise each -time. The war-cloud hanging black over England and America made no -trouble for me. I was a prospective prisoner of war, but at dinners, -suppers, on the platform, and elsewhere, there was never anything to -remind me of it. This was hospitality of the right metal, and would have -been prominently lacking in some countries, in the circumstances. - -And speaking of the war-flurry, it seemed to me to bring to light the -unexpected, in a detail or two. It seemed to relegate the war-talk to -the politicians on both sides of the water; whereas whenever a -prospective war between two nations had been in the air theretofore, the -public had done most of the talking and the bitterest. The attitude of -the newspapers was new also. I speak of those of Australasia and India, -for I had access to those only. They treated the subject argumentatively -and with dignity, not with spite and anger. That was a new spirit, too, -and not learned of the French and German press, either before Sedan or -since. I heard many public speeches, and they reflected the moderation -of the journals. The outlook is that the English-speaking race will -dominate the earth a hundred years from now, if its sections do not get -to fighting each other. It would be a pity to spoil that prospect by -baffling and retarding wars when arbitration would settle their -differences so much better and also so much more definitely. - -No, as I have suggested, novelties are rare in the great capitals of -modern times. Even the wool exchange in Melbourne could not be told from -the familiar stock exchange of other countries. Wool brokers are just -like stockbrokers; they all bounce from their seats and put up their -hands and yell in unison--no stranger can tell what--and the president -calmly says "Sold to Smith & Co., threpence farthing--next!"--when -probably nothing of the kind happened; for how should he know? - -In the museums you will find acres of the most strange and fascinating -things; but all museums are fascinating, and they do so tire your eyes, -and break your back, and burn out your vitalities with their consuming -interest. You always say you will never go again, but you do go. The -palaces of the rich, in Melbourne, are much like the palaces of the rich -in America, and the life in them is the same; but there the resemblance -ends. The grounds surrounding the American palace are not often large, -and not often beautiful, but in the Melbourne case the grounds are often -ducally spacious, and the climate and the gardeners together make them as -beautiful as a dream. It is said that some of the country seats have -grounds--domains--about them which rival in charm and magnitude those -which surround the country mansion of an English lord; but I was not out -in the country; I had my hands full in town. - -And what was the origin of this majestic city and its efflorescence of -palatial town houses and country seats ? Its first brick was laid and -its first house built by a passing convict. Australian history is almost -always picturesque; indeed, it is so curious and strange, that it is -itself the chiefest novelty the country has to offer, and so it pushes -the other novelties into second and third place. It does not read like -history, but like the most beautiful lies. And all of a fresh new sort, -no mouldy old stale ones. It is full of surprises, and adventures, and -incongruities, and contradictions, and incredibilities; but they are all -true, they all happened. - - - - -CHAPTER XVII. - -The English are mentioned in the Bible: Blessed are the meek, for they -shall inherit the earth. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -When we consider the immensity of the British Empire in territory, -population, and trade, it requires a stern exercise of faith to believe -in the figures which represent Australasia's contribution to the Empire's -commercial grandeur. As compared with the landed estate of the British -Empire, the landed estate dominated by any other Power except one-- -Russia--is not very impressive for size. My authorities make the British -Empire not much short of a fourth larger than the Russian Empire. -Roughly proportioned, if you will allow your entire hand to represent the -British Empire, you may then cut off the fingers a trifle above the -middle joint of the middle finger, and what is left of the hand will -represent Russia. The populations ruled by Great Britain and China are -about the same--400,000,000 each. No other Power approaches these -figures. Even Russia is left far behind. - -The population of Australasia--4,000,000--sinks into nothingness, and is -lost from sight in that British ocean of 400,000,000. Yet the statistics -indicate that it rises again and shows up very conspicuously when its -share of the Empire's commerce is the matter under consideration. The -value of England's annual exports and imports is stated at three billions -of dollars,--[New South Wales Blue Book.]--and it is claimed that more -than one-tenth of this great aggregate is represented by Australasia's -exports to England and imports from England. In addition to this, -Australasia does a trade with countries other than England, amounting to -a hundred million dollars a year, and a domestic intercolonial trade -amounting to a hundred and fifty millions. - -In round numbers the 4,000,000 buy and sell about $600,000,000 worth of -goods a year. It is claimed that about half of this represents -commodities of Australasian production. The products exported annually -by India are worth a trifle over $500,000,000.1 Now, here are some faith- -straining figures: - -Indian production (300,000,000 population), $500,000,000. - -Australasian production (4,000,000 population), $300,000,000. - -That is to say, the product of the individual Indian, annually (for -export some whither), is worth $1.15 ; that of the individual -Australasian (for export some whither), $75! Or, to put it in another -way, the Indian family of man and wife and three children sends away an -annual result worth $8.75, while the Australasian family sends away $375 -worth. - -There are trustworthy statistics furnished by Sir Richard Temple and -others, which show that the individual Indian's whole annual product, -both for export and home use, is worth in gold only $7.50 ; or, $37.50 -for the family-aggregate. Ciphered out on a like ratio of -multiplication, the Australasian family's aggregate production would be -nearly $1,600. Truly, nothing is so astonishing as figures, if they once -get started. - -We left Melbourne by rail for Adelaide, the capital of the vast Province -of South Australia--a seventeen-hour excursion. On the train we found -several Sydney friends; among them a Judge who was going out on circuit, -and was going to hold court at Broken Hill, where the celebrated silver -mine is. It seemed a curious road to take to get to that region. Broken -Hill is close to the western border of New South Wales, and Sydney is on -the eastern border. A fairly straight line, 700 miles long, drawn -westward from Sydney, would strike Broken Hill, just as a somewhat -shorter one drawn west from Boston would strike Buffalo. The way the -Judge was traveling would carry him over 2,000 miles by rail, he said; -southwest from Sydney down to Melbourne, then northward up to Adelaide, -then a cant back northeastward and over the border into New South Wales -once more--to Broken Hill. It was like going from Boston southwest to -Richmond, Virginia, then northwest up to Erie, Pennsylvania, then a cant -back northeast and over the border--to Buffalo, New York. - -But the explanation was simple. Years ago the fabulously rich silver -discovery at Broken Hill burst suddenly upon an unexpectant world. Its -stocks started at shillings, and went by leaps and bounds to the most -fanciful figures. It was one of those cases where the cook puts a -month's wages into shares, and comes next mouth and buys your house at -your own price, and moves into it herself; where the coachman takes a few -shares, and next month sets up a bank; and where the common sailor -invests the price of a spree, and next month buys out the steamship -company and goes into business on his own hook. In a word, it was one of -those excitements which bring multitudes of people to a common center -with a rush, and whose needs must be supplied, and at once. Adelaide was -close by, Sydney was far away. Adelaide threw a short railway across the -border before Sydney had time to arrange for a long one; it was not worth -while for Sydney to arrange at all. The whole vast trade-profit of -Broken Hill fell into Adelaide's hands, irrevocably. New South Wales -furnishes for Broken Hill and sends her Judges 2,000 miles--mainly -through alien countries--to administer it, but Adelaide takes the -dividends and makes no moan. - -We started at 4.20 in the afternoon, and moved across level until night. -In the morning we had a stretch of "scrub" country--the kind of thing -which is so useful to the Australian novelist. In the scrub the hostile -aboriginal lurks, and flits mysteriously about, slipping out from time to -time to surprise and slaughter the settler; then slipping back again, and -leaving no track that the white man can follow. In the scrub the -novelist's heroine gets lost, search fails of result; she wanders here -and there, and finally sinks down exhausted and unconscious, and the -searchers pass within a yard or two of her, not suspecting that she is -near, and by and by some rambler finds her bones and the pathetic diary -which she had scribbled with her failing hand and left behind. Nobody -can find a lost heroine in the scrub but the aboriginal "tracker," and he -will not lend himself to the scheme if it will interfere with the -novelist's plot. The scrub stretches miles and miles in all directions, -and looks like a level roof of bush-tops without a break or a crack in it ---as seamless as a blanket, to all appearance. One might as well walk -under water and hope to guess out a route and stick to it, I should -think. Yet it is claimed that the aboriginal "tracker" was able to hunt -out people lost in the scrub. Also in the "bush"; also in the desert; -and even follow them over patches of bare rocks and over alluvial ground -which had to all appearance been washed clear of footprints. - ->From reading Australian books and talking with the people, I became -convinced that the aboriginal tracker's performances evince a craft, a -penetration, a luminous sagacity, and a minuteness and accuracy of -observation in the matter of detective-work not found in nearly so -remarkable a degree in any other people, white or colored. In an -official account of the blacks of Australia published by the government -of Victoria, one reads that the aboriginal not only notices the faint -marks left on the bark of a tree by the claws of a climbing opossum, but -knows in some way or other whether the marks were made to-day or -yesterday. - -And there is the case, on records where A., a settler, makes a bet with -B., that B. may lose a cow as effectually as he can, and A. will produce -an aboriginal who will find her. B. selects a cow and lets the tracker -see the cow's footprint, then be put under guard. B. then drives the cow -a few miles over a course which drifts in all directions, and frequently -doubles back upon itself; and he selects difficult ground all the time, -and once or twice even drives the cow through herds of other cows, and -mingles her tracks in the wide confusion of theirs. He finally brings -his cow home; the aboriginal is set at liberty, and at once moves around -in a great circle, examining all cow-tracks until he finds the one he is -after; then sets off and follows it throughout its erratic course, and -ultimately tracks it to the stable where B. has hidden the cow. Now -wherein does one cow-track differ from another? There must be a -difference, or the tracker could not have performed the feat; a -difference minute, shadowy, and not detectible by you or me, or by the -late Sherlock Holmes, and yet discernible by a member of a race charged -by some people with occupying the bottom place in the gradations of human -intelligence. - - - - -CHAPTER XVIII. - -It is easier to stay out than get out. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -The train was now exploring a beautiful hill country, and went twisting -in and out through lovely little green valleys. There were several -varieties of gum trees; among them many giants. Some of them were bodied -and barked like the sycamore; some were of fantastic aspect, and reminded -one of the quaint apple trees in Japanese pictures. And there was one -peculiarly beautiful tree whose name and breed I did not know. The -foliage seemed to consist of big bunches of pine-spines, the lower half -of each bunch a rich brown or old-gold color, the upper half a most vivid -and strenuous and shouting green. The effect was altogether bewitching. -The tree was apparently rare. I should say that the first and last -samples of it seen by us were not more than half an hour apart. There -was another tree of striking aspect, a kind of pine, we were told. Its -foliage was as fine as hair, apparently, and its mass sphered itself -above the naked straight stem like an explosion of misty smoke. It was -not a sociable sort; it did not gather in groups or couples, but each -individual stood far away from its nearest neighbor. It scattered itself -in this spacious and exclusive fashion about the slopes of swelling -grassy great knolls, and stood in the full flood of the wonderful -sunshine; and as far as you could see the tree itself you could also see -the ink-black blot of its shadow on the shining green carpet at its feet. - -On some part of this railway journey we saw gorse and broom--importations -from England--and a gentleman who came into our compartment on a visit -tried to tell me which--was which; but as he didn't know, he had -difficulty. He said he was ashamed of his ignorance, but that he had -never been confronted with the question before during the fifty years and -more that he had spent in Australia, and so he had never happened to get -interested in the matter. But there was no need to be ashamed. The most -of us have his defect. We take a natural interest in novelties, but it -is against nature to take an interest in familiar things. The gorse and -the broom were a fine accent in the landscape. Here and there they burst -out in sudden conflagrations of vivid yellow against a background of -sober or sombre color, with a so startling effect as to make a body catch -his breath with the happy surprise of it. And then there was the wattle, -a native bush or tree, an inspiring cloud of sumptuous yellow bloom. It -is a favorite with the Australians, and has a fine fragrance, a quality -usually wanting in Australian blossoms. - -The gentleman who enriched me with the poverty of his formation about the -gorse and the broom told me that he came out from England a youth of -twenty and entered the Province of South Australia with thirty-six -shillings in his pocket--an adventurer without trade, profession, or -friends, but with a clearly-defined purpose in his head: he would stay -until he was worth L200, then go back home. He would allow himself five -years for the accumulation of this fortune. - -"That was more than fifty years ago," said he. "And here I am, yet." - -As he went out at the door he met a friend, and turned and introduced him -to me, and the friend and I had a talk and a smoke. I spoke of the -previous conversation and said there something very pathetic about this -half century of exile, and that I wished the L200 scheme had succeeded. - -"With him? Oh, it did. It's not so sad a case. He is modest, and he -left out some of the particulars. The lad reached South Australia just -in time to help discover the Burra-Burra copper mines. They turned out -L700,000 in the first three years. Up to now they have yielded -L120,000,000. He has had his share. Before that boy had been in the -country two years he could have gone home and bought a village; he could -go now and buy a city, I think. No, there is nothing very pathetic about -his case. He and his copper arrived at just a handy time to save South -Australia. It had got mashed pretty flat under the collapse of a land -boom a while before." There it is again; picturesque history-- -Australia's specialty. In 1829 South Australia hadn't a white man in it. -In 1836 the British Parliament erected it--still a solitude--into a -Province, and gave it a governor and other governmental machinery. -Speculators took hold, now, and inaugurated a vast land scheme, and -invited immigration, encouraging it with lurid promises of sudden wealth. -It was well worked in London; and bishops, statesmen, and all ports of -people made a rush for the land company's shares. Immigrants soon began -to pour into the region of Adelaide and select town lots and farms in the -sand and the mangrove swamps by the sea. The crowds continued to come, -prices of land rose high, then higher and still higher, everybody was -prosperous and happy, the boom swelled into gigantic proportions. A -village of sheet iron huts and clapboard sheds sprang up in the sand, and -in these wigwams fashion made display; richly-dressed ladies played on -costly pianos, London swells in evening dress and patent-leather boots -were abundant, and this fine society drank champagne, and in other ways -conducted itself in this capital of humble sheds as it had been -accustomed to do in the aristocratic quarters of the metropolis of the -world. The provincial government put up expensive buildings for its own -use, and a palace with gardens for the use of its governor. The governor -had a guard, and maintained a court. Roads, wharves, and hospitals were -built. All this on credit, on paper, on wind, on inflated and fictitious -values--on the boom's moonshine, in fact. This went on handsomely during -four or five years. Then of a sudden came a smash. Bills for a huge -amount drawn the governor upon the Treasury were dishonored, the land -company's credit went up in smoke, a panic followed, values fell with a -rush, the frightened immigrants seized their grips and fled to other -lands, leaving behind them a good imitation of a solitude, where lately -had been a buzzing and populous hive of men. - -Adelaide was indeed almost empty; its population had fallen to 3,000. -During two years or more the death-trance continued. Prospect of revival -there was none; hope of it ceased. Then, as suddenly as the paralysis -had come, came the resurrection from it. Those astonishingly rich copper -mines were discovered, and the corpse got up and danced. - -The wool production began to grow; grain-raising followed -followed so -vigorously, too, that four or five years after the copper discovery, this -little colony, which had had to import its breadstuffs formerly, and pay -hard prices for them--once $50 a barrel for flour--had become an exporter -of grain. - -The prosperities continued. After many years Providence, desiring to -show especial regard for New South Wales and exhibit loving interest in -its welfare which should certify to all nations the recognition of that -colony's conspicuous righteousness and distinguished well-deserving, -conferred upon it that treasury of inconceivable riches, Broken Hill; and -South Australia went over the border and took it, giving thanks. - -Among our passengers was an American with a unique vocation. Unique is a -strong word, but I use it justifiably if I did not misconceive what the -American told me; for I understood him to say that in the world there was -not another man engaged in the business which he was following. He was -buying the kangaroo-skin crop; buying all of it, both the Australian crop -and the Tasmanian; and buying it for an American house in New York. The -prices were not high, as there was no competition, but the year's -aggregate of skins would cost him L30,000. I had had the idea that the -kangaroo was about extinct in Tasmania and well thinned out on the -continent. In America the skins are tanned and made into shoes. After -the tanning, the leather takes a new name--which I have forgotten--I only -remember that the new name does not indicate that the kangaroo furnishes -the leather. There was a German competition for a while, some years ago, -but that has ceased. The Germans failed to arrive at the secret of -tanning the skins successfully, and they withdrew from the business. Now -then, I suppose that I have seen a man whose occupation is really -entitled to bear that high epithet--unique. And I suppose that there is -not another occupation in the world that is restricted to the hands of a -sole person. I can think of no instance of it. There is more than one -Pope, there is more than one Emperor, there is even more than one living -god, walking upon the earth and worshiped in all sincerity by large -populations of men. I have seen and talked with two of these Beings -myself in India, and I have the autograph of one of them. It can come -good, by and by, I reckon, if I attach it to a "permit." - -Approaching Adelaide we dismounted from the train, as the French say, and -were driven in an open carriage over the hills and along their slopes to -the city. It was an excursion of an hour or two, and the charm of it -could not be overstated, I think. The road wound around gaps and gorges, -and offered all varieties of scenery and prospect--mountains, crags, -country homes, gardens, forests--color, color, color everywhere, and the -air fine and fresh, the skies blue, and not a shred of cloud to mar the -downpour of the brilliant sunshine. And finally the mountain gateway -opened, and the immense plain lay spread out below and stretching away -into dim distances on every hand, soft and delicate and dainty and -beautiful. On its near edge reposed the city. - -We descended and entered. There was nothing to remind one of the humble -capital, of buts and sheds of the long-vanished day of the land-boom. -No, this was a modern city, with wide streets, compactly built; with fine -homes everywhere, embowered in foliage and flowers, and with imposing -masses of public buildings nobly grouped and architecturally beautiful. - -There was prosperity, in the air; for another boom was on. Providence, -desiring to show especial regard for the neighboring colony on the west -called Western Australia--and exhibit a loving interest in its welfare -which should certify to all nations the recognition of that colony's -conspicuous righteousness and distinguished well-deserving, had recently -conferred upon it that majestic treasury of golden riches, Coolgardie; -and now South Australia had gone around the corner and taken it, giving -thanks. Everything comes to him who is patient and good, and waits. - -But South Australia deserves much, for apparently she is a hospitable -home for every alien who chooses to come;, and for his religion, too. -She has a population, as per the latest census, of only 320,000-odd, and -yet her varieties of religion indicate the presence within her borders of -samples of people from pretty nearly every part of the globe you can -think of. Tabulated, these varieties of religion make a remarkable show. -One would have to go far to find its match. I copy here this -cosmopolitan curiosity, and it comes from the published census: - -Church of England,........... 89,271 -Roman Catholic,.............. 47,179 -Wesleyan,.................... 49,159 -Lutheran,.................... 23,328 -Presbyterian,................ 18,206 -Congregationalist,........... 11,882 -Bible Christian,............. 15,762 -Primitive Methodist,......... 11,654 -Baptist,..................... 17,547 -Christian Brethren,.......... 465 -Methodist New Connexion,..... 39 -Unitarian,................... 688 -Church of Christ,............ 3,367 -Society of Friends,.......... 100 -Salvation Army,.............. 4,356 -New Jerusalem Church,........ 168 -Jews,........................ 840 -Protestants (undefined),..... 6,532 -Mohammedans,................. 299 -Confucians, etc.,............ 3,884 -Other religions,............. 1,719 -Object,...................... 6,940 -Not stated,.................. 8,046 - -Total,.......................320,431 - - -The item in the above list "Other religions" includes the following as -returned: - -Agnostics, -Atheists, -Believers in Christ, -Buddhists, -Calvinists, -Christadelphians, -Christians, -Christ's Chapel, -Christian Israelites, -Christian Socialists, -Church of God, -Cosmopolitans, -Deists, -Evangelists, -Exclusive Brethren, -Free Church, -Free Methodists, -Freethinkers, -Followers of Christ, -Gospel Meetings, -Greek Church, -Infidels, -Maronites, -Memnonists, -Moravians, -Mormons, -Naturalists, -Orthodox, -Others (indefinite), -Pagans, -Pantheists, -Plymouth Brethren, -Rationalists, -Reformers, -Secularists, -Seventh-day Adventists, -Shaker, -Sh1ntOlStS, -Spiritualists, -Theosophists, -Town (City) Mission, -Welsh Church, -Huguenot, -Hussite, -Zoroastrians, -Zwinglian, - - -About 64 roads to the other world. You see how healthy the religious -atmosphere is. Anything can live in it. Agnostics, Atheists, -Freethinkers, Infidels, Mormons, Pagans, Indefinites they are all there. -And all the big sects of the world can do more than merely live in it: -they can spread, flourish, prosper. All except the Spiritualists and the -Theosophists. That is the most curious feature of this curious table. -What is the matter with the specter? Why do they puff him away? He is a -welcome toy everywhere else in the world. - - - - -CHAPTER XIX. - -Pity is for the living, Envy is for the dead. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -The successor of the sheet-iron hamlet of the mangrove marshes has that -other Australian specialty, the Botanical Gardens. We cannot have these -paradises. The best we could do would be to cover a vast acreage under -glass and apply steam heat. But it would be inadequate, the lacks would -still be so great: the confined sense, the sense of suffocation, the -atmospheric dimness, the sweaty heat--these would all be there, in place -of the Australian openness to the sky, the sunshine and the breeze. -Whatever will grow under glass with us will flourish rampantly out of -doors in Australia.--[The greatest heat in Victoria, that there is an -authoritative record of, was at Sandhurst, in January, 1862. The -thermometer then registered 117 degrees in the shade. In January, 1880, -the heat at Adelaide, South Australia, was 172 degrees in the sun.] - -When the white man came the continent was nearly as poor, in variety of -vegetation, as the desert of Sahara; now it has everything that grows on -the earth. In fact, not Australia only, but all Australasia has levied -tribute upon the flora of the rest of the world; and wherever one goes -the results appear, in gardens private and public, in the woodsy walls of -the highways, and in even the forests. If you see a curious or beautiful -tree or bush or flower, and ask about it, the people, answering, usually -name a foreign country as the place of its origin--India, Africa, Japan, -China, England, America, Java, Sumatra, New Guinea, Polynesia, and so on. - -In the Zoological Gardens of Adelaide I saw the only laughing jackass -that ever showed any disposition to be courteous to me. This one opened -his head wide and laughed like a demon; or like a maniac who was consumed -with humorous scorn over a cheap and degraded pun. It was a very human -laugh. If he had been out of sight I could have believed that the -laughter came from a man. It is an odd-looking bird, with a head and -beak that are much too large for its body. In time man will exterminate -the rest of the wild creatures of Australia, but this one will probably -survive, for man is his friend and lets him alone. Man always has a good -reason for his charities towards wild things, human or animal when he has -any. In this case the bird is spared because he kills snakes. If L. J. -he will not kill all of them. - -In that garden I also saw the wild Australian dog--the dingo. He was a -beautiful creature--shapely, graceful, a little wolfish in some of his -aspects, but with a most friendly eye and sociable disposition. The -dingo is not an importation; he was present in great force when the -whites first came to the continent. It may be that he is the oldest dog -in the universe; his origin, his descent, the place where his ancestors -first appeared, are as unknown and as untraceable as are the camel's. -He is the most precious dog in the world, for he does not bark. But in -an evil hour he got to raiding the sheep-runs to appease his hunger, and -that sealed his doom. He is hunted, now, just as if he were a wolf. -He has been sentenced to extermination, and the sentence will be carried -out. This is all right, and not objectionable. The world was made for -man--the white man. - -South Australia is confusingly named. All of the colonies have a -southern exposure except one--Queensland. Properly speaking, South -Australia is middle Australia. It extends straight up through the center -of the continent like the middle board in a center-table. It is 2,000 -miles high, from south to north, and about a third as wide. A wee little -spot down in its southeastern corner contains eight or nine-tenths of its -population; the other one or two-tenths are elsewhere--as elsewhere as -they could be in the United States with all the country between Denver -and Chicago, and Canada and the Gulf of Mexico to scatter over. There is -plenty of room. - -A telegraph line stretches straight up north through that 2,000 miles of -wilderness and desert from Adelaide to Port Darwin on the edge of the -upper ocean. South Australia built the line; and did it in 1871-2 when -her population numbered only 185,000. It was a great work; for there -were no roads, no paths; 1,300 miles of the route had been traversed but -once before by white men; provisions, wire, and poles had to be carried -over immense stretches of desert; wells had to be dug along the route to -supply the men and cattle with water. - -A cable had been previously laid from Port Darwin to Java and thence to -India, and there was telegraphic communication with England from India. -And so, if Adelaide could make connection with Port Darwin it meant -connection with the whole world. The enterprise succeeded. One could -watch the London markets daily, now; the profit to the wool-growers of -Australia was instant and enormous. - -A telegram from Melbourne to San Francisco covers approximately 20,000 -miles--the equivalent of five-sixths of the way around the globe. It has -to halt along the way a good many times and be repeated; still, but -little time is lost. These halts, and the distances between them, are -here tabulated. --[From Round the Empire." (George R. Parkin), all but -the last two.] - - Miles. - -Melbourne-Mount Gambier,.......300 -Mount Gambier -Adelaide,.......270 -Adelaide-Port Augusta,.........200 -Port Augusta-Alice Springs,..1,036 -Alice Springs-Port Darwin,.....898 -Port Darwin- Banjoewangie,.. 1,150 -Banjoewangie-Batavia,..........480 -Batavia- Singapore,............553 -Singapore- Penang,.............399 -Penang -Madras,..............1,280 -Madras-Bombay,.................650 -Bombay-Aden,.................1,662 -Aden--Suez,..................1,346 -Suez-Alexandria,...............224 -Alexandria-Malta,..............828 -Malta--Gibraltar,............1,008 -Gibraltar- Falmouth,.........1,061 -Falmouth-London,...............350 -London-New York,.............2,500 -New York-San Francisco,......3,500 - - -I was in Adelaide again, some months later, and saw the multitudes gather -in the neighboring city of Glenelg to commemorate the Reading of the -Proclamation--in 1836--which founded the Province. If I have at any time -called it a Colony, I withdraw the discourtesy. It is not a Colony, it -is a Province; and officially so. Moreover, it is the only one so named -in Australasia. There was great enthusiasm; it was the Province's -national holiday, its Fourth of July, so to speak. It is the pre-eminent -holiday; and that is saying much, in a country where they seem to have a -most un-English mania for holidays. Mainly they are workingmen's -holidays; for in South Australia the workingman is sovereign; his vote is -the desire of the politician--indeed, it is the very breath of the -politician's being; the parliament exists to deliver the will of the -workingman, and the government exists to execute it. The workingman is a -great power everywhere in Australia, but South Australia is his paradise. -He has had a hard time in this world, and has earned a paradise. I am -glad he has found it. The holidays there are frequent enough to be -bewildering to the stranger. I tried to get the hang of the system, but -was not able to do it. - -You have seen that the Province is tolerant, religious-wise. It is so -politically, also. One of the speakers at the Commemoration banquet--the -Minister of Public Works-was an American, born and reared in New England. -There is nothing narrow about the Province, politically, or in any other -way that I know of. Sixty-four religions and a Yankee cabinet minister. -No amount of horse-racing can damn this community. - -The mean temperature of the Province is 62 deg. The death-rate is 13 in -the 1,000--about half what it is in the city of New York, I should think, -and New York is a healthy city. Thirteen is the death-rate for the -average citizen of the Province, but there seems to be no death-rate for -the old people. There were people at the Commemoration banquet who could -remember Cromwell. There were six of them. These Old Settlers had all -been present at the original Reading of the Proclamation, in 1536. They -showed signs of the blightings and blastings of time, in their outward -aspect, but they were young within; young and cheerful, and ready to -talk; ready to talk, and talk all you wanted; in their turn, and out of -it. They were down for six speeches, and they made 42. The governor and -the cabinet and the mayor were down for 42 speeches, and they made 6. -They have splendid grit, the Old Settlers, splendid staying power. But -they do not hear well, and when they see the mayor going through motions -which they recognize as the introducing of a speaker, they think they are -the one, and they all get up together, and begin to respond, in the most -animated way; and the more the mayor gesticulates, and shouts "Sit down! -Sit down!" the more they take it for applause, and the more excited and -reminiscent and enthusiastic they get; and next, when they see the whole -house laughing and crying, three of them think it is about the bitter -old-time hardships they are describing, and the other three think the -laughter is caused by the jokes they have been uncorking--jokes of the -vintage of 1836--and then the way they do go on! And finally when ushers -come and plead, and beg, and gently and reverently crowd them down into -their seats, they say, "Oh, I'm not tired--I could bang along a week!" -and they sit there looking simple and childlike, and gentle, and proud of -their oratory, and wholly unconscious of what is going on at the other -end of the room. And so one of the great dignitaries gets a chance, and -begins his carefully prepared speech, impressively and with solemnity-- - - "when we, now great and prosperous and powerful, bow our heads in - reverent wonder in the contemplation of those sublimities of energy, - of wisdom, of forethought, of---- - -Up come the immortal six again, in a body, with a joyous "Hey, I've -thought of another one!" and at it they go, with might and main, hearing -not a whisper of the pandemonium that salutes them, but taking all the -visible violences for applause, as before, and hammering joyously away -till the imploring ushers pray them into their seats again. And a pity, -too; for those lovely old boys did so enjoy living their heroic youth -over, in these days of their honored antiquity; and certainly the things -they had to tell were usually worth the telling and the hearing. - -It was a stirring spectacle; stirring in more ways than one, for it was -amazingly funny, and at the same time deeply pathetic; for they had seen -so much, these time-worn veterans, end had suffered so much; and had -built so strongly and well, and laid the foundations of their -commonwealth so deep, in liberty and tolerance; and had lived to see the -structure rise to such state and dignity and hear themselves so praised -for honorable work. - -One of these old gentlemen told me some things of interest afterward; -things about the aboriginals, mainly. He thought them intelligent-- -remarkably so in some directions--and he said that along with their -unpleasant qualities they had some exceedingly good ones; and he -considered it a great pity that the race had died out. He instanced -their invention of the boomerang and the "weet-weet" as evidences of -their brightness; and as another evidence of it he said he had never seen -a white man who had cleverness enough to learn to do the miracles with -those two toys that the aboriginals achieved. He said that even the -smartest whites had been obliged to confess that they could not learn the -trick of the boomerang in perfection; that it had possibilities which -they could not master. The white man could not control its motions, -could not make it obey him; but the aboriginal could. He told me some -wonderful things--some almost incredible things--which he had seen the -blacks do with the boomerang and the weet-weet. They have been confirmed -to me since by other early settlers and by trustworthy books. - -It is contended--and may be said to be conceded--that the boomerang was -known to certain savage tribes in Europe in Roman times. In support of -this, Virgil and two other Roman poets are quoted. It is also contended -that it was known to the ancient Egyptians. - -One of two things either some one with is then apparent: a boomerang -arrived in Australia in the days of antiquity before European knowledge -of the thing had been lost, or the Australian aboriginal reinvented it. -It will take some time to find out which of these two propositions is the -fact. But there is no hurry. - - - - -CHAPTER XX. - -It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three -unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, -and the prudence never to practice either of them. - ---Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - ->From diary: - -Mr. G. called. I had not seen him since Nauheim, Germany--several years -ago; the time that the cholera broke out at Hamburg. We talked of the -people we had known there, or had casually met; and G. said: - -"Do you remember my introducing you to an earl--the Earl of C.?" - -"Yes. That was the last time I saw you. You and he were in a carriage, -just starting--belated--for the train. I remember it." - -"I remember it too, because of a thing which happened then which I was -not looking for. He had told me a while before, about a remarkable and -interesting Californian whom he had met and who was a friend of yours, -and said that if he should ever meet you he would ask you for some -particulars about that Californian. The subject was not mentioned that -day at Nauheim, for we were hurrying away, and there was no time; but the -thing that surprised me was this: when I induced you, you said, 'I am -glad to meet your lordship gain.' The I again' was the surprise. He is -a little hard of hearing, and didn't catch that word, and I thought you -hadn't intended that he should. As we drove off I had only time to say, -'Why, what do you know about him.?' and I understood you to say, 'Oh, -nothing, except that he is the quickest judge of----' Then we were gone, -and I didn't get the rest. I wondered what it was that he was such a -quick judge of. I have thought of it many times since, and still -wondered what it could be. He and I talked it over, but could not guess -it out. He thought it must be fox-hounds or horses, for he is a good -judge of those--no one is a better. But you couldn't know that, because -you didn't know him; you had mistaken him for some one else; it must be -that, he said, because he knew you had never met him before. And of -course you hadn't had you?" - -"Yes, I had." - -"Is that so? Where?" - -"At a fox-hunt, in England." - -"How curious that is. Why, he hadn't the least recollection of it. Had -you any conversation with him?" - -"Some--yes." - -"Well, it left not the least impression upon him. What did you talk -about?" - -"About the fox. I think that was all." - -"Why, that would interest him; that ought to have left an impression. -What did he talk about?" - -"The fox." - -It's very curious. I don't understand it. Did what he said leave an -impression upon you?" - -"Yes. It showed me that he was a quick judge of--however, I will tell -you all about it, then you will understand. It was a quarter of a -century ago 1873 or '74. I had an American friend in London named F., -who was fond of hunting, and his friends the Blanks invited him and me to -come out to a hunt and be their guests at their country place. In the -morning the mounts were provided, but when I saw the horses I changed my -mind and asked permission to walk. I had never seen an English hunter -before, and it seemed to me that I could hunt a fox safer on the ground. -I had always been diffident about horses, anyway, even those of the -common altitudes, and I did not feel competent to hunt on a horse that -went on stilts. So then Mrs. Blank came to my help and said I could go -with her in the dog-cart and we would drive to a place she knew of, and -there we should have a good glimpse of the hunt as it went by. - -"When we got to that place I got out and went and leaned my elbows on a -low stone wall which enclosed a turfy and beautiful great field with -heavy wood on all its sides except ours. Mrs. Blank sat in the dog-cart -fifty yards away, which was as near as she could get with the vehicle. -I was full of interest, for I had never seen a fox-hunt. I waited, -dreaming and imagining, in the deep stillness and impressive tranquility -which reigned in that retired spot. Presently, from away off in the -forest on the left, a mellow bugle-note came floating; then all of a -sudden a multitude of dogs burst out of that forest and went tearing by -and disappeared in the forest on the right; there was a pause, and then -a cloud of horsemen in black caps and crimson coats plunged out of the -left-hand forest and went flaming across the field like a prairie-fire, -a stirring sight to see. There was one man ahead of the rest, and he -came spurring straight at me. He was fiercely excited. It was fine to -see him ride; he was a master horseman. He came like, a storm till he -was within seven feet of me, where I was leaning on the wall, then he -stood his horse straight up in the air on his hind toe-nails, and shouted -like a demon: - -"'Which way'd the fox go?' - -"I didn't much like the tone, but I did not let on; for he was excited, -you know. But I was calm; so I said softly, and without acrimony: - -"'Which fox?' - -"It seemed to anger him. I don't know why; and he thundered out: - -"'WHICH fox? Why, THE fox? Which way did the FOX go?' - -"I said, with great gentleness--even argumentatively: - -"'If you could be a little more definite--a little less vague--because I -am a stranger, and there are many foxes, as you will know even better -than I, and unless I know which one it is that you desire to identify, -and----' - -"'You're certainly the damdest idiot that has escaped in a thousand -years!' and he snatched his great horse around as easily as I would -snatch a cat, and was away like a hurricane. A very excitable man. - -"I went back to Mrs. Blank, and she was excited, too--oh, all alive. She -said: - -"'He spoke to you!--didn't he?' - -"'Yes, it is what happened.' - -"'I knew it! I couldn't hear what he said, but I knew be spoke to you! Do -you know who it was? It was Lord C., and he is Master of the Buckhounds! -Tell me--what do you think of him?' - -"'Him? Well, for sizing-up a stranger, he's got the most sudden and -accurate judgment of any man I ever saw.' - -"It pleased her. I thought it would." - -G. got away from Nauheim just in time to escape being shut in by the -quarantine-bars on the frontiers; and so did we, for we left the next -day. But G. had a great deal of trouble in getting by the Italian -custom-house, and we should have fared likewise but for the -thoughtfulness of our consul-general in Frankfort. He introduced me to -the Italian consul-general, and I brought away from that consulate a -letter which made our way smooth. It was a dozen lines merely commending -me in a general way to the courtesies of servants in his Italian -Majesty's service, but it was more powerful than it looked. In addition -to a raft of ordinary baggage, we had six or eight trunks which were -filled exclusively with dutiable stuff--household goods purchased in -Frankfort for use in Florence, where we had taken a house. I was going -to ship these through by express; but at the last moment an order went -throughout Germany forbidding the moving of any parcels by train unless -the owner went with them. This was a bad outlook. We must take these -things along, and the delay sure to be caused by the examination of them -in the custom-house might lose us our train. I imagined all sorts of -terrors, and enlarged them steadily as we approached the Italian -frontier. We were six in number, clogged with all that baggage, and I -was courier for the party the most incapable one they ever employed. - -We arrived, and pressed with the crowd into the immense custom-house, and -the usual worries began; everybody crowding to the counter and begging to -have his baggage examined first, and all hands clattering and chattering -at once. It seemed to me that I could do nothing; it would be better to -give it all up and go away and leave the baggage. I couldn't speak the -language; I should never accomplish anything. Just then a tall handsome -man in a fine uniform was passing by and I knew he must be the station- -master--and that reminded me of my letter. I ran to him and put it into -his hands. He took it out of the envelope, and the moment his eye caught -the royal coat of arms printed at its top, he took off his cap and made a -beautiful bow to me, and said in English: - -"Which is your baggage? Please show it to me." - -I showed him the mountain. Nobody was disturbing it; nobody was -interested in it; all the family's attempts to get attention to it had -failed--except in the case of one of the trunks containing the dutiable -goods. It was just being opened. My officer said: - -"There, let that alone! Lock it. Now chalk it. Chalk all of the lot. -Now please come and show the hand-baggage." - -He plowed through the waiting crowd, I following, to the counter, and he -gave orders again, in his emphatic military way: - -"Chalk these. Chalk all of them." - -Then he took off his cap and made that beautiful bow again, and went his -way. By this time these attentions had attracted the wonder of that acre -of passengers, and the whisper had gone around that the royal family were -present getting their baggage chalked; and as we passed down in review on -our way to the door, I was conscious of a pervading atmosphere of envy -which gave me deep satisfaction. - -But soon there was an accident. My overcoat pockets were stuffed with -German cigars and linen packages of American smoking tobacco, and a -porter was following us around with this overcoat on his arm, and -gradually getting it upside down. Just as I, in the rear of my family, -moved by the sentinels at the door, about three hatfuls of the tobacco -tumbled out on the floor. One of the soldiers pounced upon it, gathered -it up in his arms, pointed back whence I had come, and marched me ahead -of him past that long wall of passengers again--he chattering and -exulting like a devil, they smiling in peaceful joy, and I trying to look -as if my pride was not hurt, and as if I did not mind being brought to -shame before these pleased people who had so lately envied me. But at -heart I was cruelly humbled. - -When I had been marched two-thirds of the long distance and the misery of -it was at the worst, the stately station-master stepped out from -somewhere, and the soldier left me and darted after him and overtook him; -and I could see by the soldier's excited gestures that be was betraying -to him the whole shabby business. The station-master was plainly very -angry. He came striding down toward me, and when he was come near he -began to pour out a stream of indignant Italian; then suddenly took off -his hat and made that beautiful bow and said: - -"Oh, it is you! I beg a thousands pardons! This idiot here---" He turned -to the exulting soldier and burst out with a flood of white-hot Italian -lava, and the next moment he was bowing, and the soldier and I were -moving in procession again--he in the lead and ashamed, this time, I with -my chin up. And so we marched by the crowd of fascinated passengers, and -I went forth to the train with the honors of war. Tobacco and all. - - - - -CHAPTER XXI. - -Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to -get himself envied. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Before I saw Australia I had never heard of the "weet-weet" at all. -I met but few men who had seen it thrown--at least I met but few who -mentioned having seen it thrown. Roughly described, it is a fat wooden -cigar with its butt-end fastened to a flexible twig. The whole thing is -only a couple of feet long, and weighs less than two ounces. This -feather--so to call it--is not thrown through the air, but is flung with -an underhanded throw and made to strike the ground a little way in front -of the thrower; then it glances and makes a long skip; glances again, -skips again, and again and again, like the flat stone which a boy sends -skating over the water. The water is smooth, and the stone has a good -chance; so a strong man may make it travel fifty or seventy-five yards; -but the weet-weet has no such good chance, for it strikes sand, grass, -and earth in its course. Yet an expert aboriginal has sent it a measured -distance of two hundred and twenty yards. It would have gone even -further but it encountered rank ferns and underwood on its passage and -they damaged its speed. Two hundred and twenty yards; and so weightless -a toy--a mouse on the end of a bit of wire, in effect; and not sailing -through the accommodating air, but encountering grass and sand and stuff -at every jump. It looks wholly impossible; but Mr. Brough Smyth saw the -feat and did the measuring, and set down the facts in his book about -aboriginal life, which he wrote by command of the Victorian Government. - -What is the secret of the feat? No one explains. It cannot be physical -strength, for that could not drive such a feather-weight any distance. -It must be art. But no one explains what the art of it is; nor how it -gets around that law of nature which says you shall not throw any two- -ounce thing 220 yards, either through the air or bumping along the -ground. Rev. J. G. Woods says: - -"The distance to which the weet-weet or kangaroo-rat can be thrown is -truly astonishing. I have seen an Australian stand at one side of -Kennington Oval and throw the kangaroo rat completely across it." (Width -of Kensington Oval not stated.) "It darts through the air with the sharp -and menacing hiss of a rifle-ball, its greatest height from the ground -being some seven or eight feet . . . . . . When properly thrown it -looks just like a living animal leaping along . . . . . . Its -movements have a wonderful resemblance to the long leaps of a kangaroo- -rat fleeing in alarm, with its long tail trailing behind it." - -The Old Settler said that he had seen distances made by the weet-weet, in -the early days, which almost convinced him that it was as extraordinary -an instrument as the boomerang. - -There must have been a large distribution of acuteness among those naked -skinny aboriginals, or they couldn't have been such unapproachable -trackers and boomerangers and weet-weeters. It must have been race- -aversion that put upon them a good deal of the low-rate intellectual -reputation which they bear and have borne this long time in the world's -estimate of them. - -They were lazy--always lazy. Perhaps that was their trouble. It is a -killing defect. Surely they could have invented and built a competent -house, but they didn't. And they could have invented and developed the -agricultural arts, but they didn't. They went naked and houseless, and -lived on fish and grubs and worms and wild fruits, and were just plain -savages, for all their smartness. - -With a country as big as the United States to live and multiply in, and -with no epidemic diseases among them till the white man came with those -and his other appliances of civilization, it is quite probable that there -was never a day in his history when he could muster 100,000 of his race -in all Australia. He diligently and deliberately kept population down by -infanticide--largely; but mainly by certain other methods. He did not -need to practise these artificialities any more after the white man came. -The white man knew ways of keeping down population which were worth -several of his. The white man knew ways of reducing a native population -80 percent. in 20 years. The native had never seen anything as fine as -that before. - -For example, there is the case of the country now called Victoria--a -country eighty times as large as Rhode Island, as I have already said. -By the best official guess there were 4,500 aboriginals in it when the -whites came along in the middle of the 'Thirties. Of these, 1,000 lived -in Gippsland, a patch of territory the size of fifteen or sixteen Rhode -Islands: they did not diminish as fast as some of the other communities; -indeed, at the end of forty years there were still 200 of them left. The -Geelong tribe diminished more satisfactorily: from 173 persons it faded -to 34 in twenty years; at the end of another twenty the tribe numbered -one person altogether. The two Melbourne tribes could muster almost 300 -when the white man came; they could muster but twenty, thirty-seven years -later, in 1875. In that year there were still odds and ends of tribes -scattered about the colony of Victoria, but I was told that natives of -full blood are very scarce now. It is said that the aboriginals continue -in some force in the huge territory called Queensland. - -The early whites were not used to savages. They could not understand the -primary law of savage life: that if a man do you a wrong, his whole tribe -is responsible--each individual of it--and you may take your change out -of any individual of it, without bothering to seek out the guilty one. -When a white killed an aboriginal, the tribe applied the ancient law, and -killed the first white they came across. To the whites this was a -monstrous thing. Extermination seemed to be the proper medicine for such -creatures as this. They did not kill all the blacks, but they promptly -killed enough of them to make their own persons safe. From the dawn of -civilization down to this day the white man has always used that very -precaution. Mrs. Campbell Praed lived in Queensland, as a child, in the -early days, and in her "Sketches of Australian life," we get informing -pictures of the early struggles of the white and the black to reform each -other. - -Speaking of pioneer days in the mighty wilderness of Queensland, Mrs. -Praed says: - - "At first the natives retreated before the whites; and, except that - they every now and then speared a beast in one of the herds, gave - little cause for uneasiness. But, as the number of squatters - increased, each one taking up miles of country and bringing two or - three men in his train, so that shepherds' huts and stockmen's camps - lay far apart, and defenseless in the midst of hostile tribes, the - Blacks' depredations became more frequent and murder was no unusual - event. - - "The loneliness of the Australian bush can hardly be painted in - words. Here extends mile after mile of primeval forest where - perhaps foot of white man has never trod--interminable vistas where - the eucalyptus trees rear their lofty trunks and spread forth their - lanky limbs, from which the red gum oozes and hangs in fantastic - pendants like crimson stalactites; ravines along the sides of which - the long-bladed grass grows rankly; level untimbered plains - alternating with undulating tracts of pasture, here and there broken - by a stony ridge, steep gully, or dried-up creek. All wild, vast - and desolate; all the same monotonous gray coloring, except where - the wattle, when in blossom, shows patches of feathery gold, or a - belt of scrub lies green, glossy, and impenetrable as Indian jungle. - - "The solitude seems intensified by the strange sounds of reptiles, - birds, and insects, and by the absence of larger creatures; of which - in the day-time, the only audible signs are the stampede of a herd - of kangaroo, or the rustle of a wallabi, or a dingo stirring the - grass as it creeps to its lair. But there are the whirring of - locusts, the demoniac chuckle of the laughing jack-ass, the - screeching of cockatoos and parrots, the hissing of the frilled - lizard, and the buzzing of innumerable insects hidden under the - dense undergrowth. And then at night, the melancholy wailing of the - curlews, the dismal howling of dingoes, the discordant croaking of - tree-frogs, might well shake the nerves of the solitary watcher." - -That is the theater for the drama. When you comprehend one or two other -details, you will perceive how well suited for trouble it was, and how -loudly it invited it. The cattlemen's stations were scattered over that -profound wilderness miles and miles apart--at each station half a dozen -persons. There was a plenty of cattle, the black natives were always -ill-nourished and hungry. The land belonged to them. The whites had not -bought it, and couldn't buy it; for the tribes had no chiefs, nobody in -authority, nobody competent to sell and convey; and the tribes themselves -had no comprehension of the idea of transferable ownership of land. The -ousted owners were despised by the white interlopers, and this opinion -was not hidden under a bushel. More promising materials for a tragedy -could not have been collated. Let Mrs. Praed speak: - - "At Nie station, one dark night, the unsuspecting hut-keeper, - having, as he believed, secured himself against assault, was lying - wrapped in his blankets sleeping profoundly. The Blacks crept - stealthily down the chimney and battered in his skull while he - slept." - -One could guess the whole drama from that little text. The curtain was -up. It would not fall until the mastership of one party or the other was -determined--and permanently: - - "There was treachery on both sides. The Blacks killed the Whites - when they found them defenseless, and the Whites slew the Blacks in - a wholesale and promiscuous fashion which offended against my - childish sense of justice. - - They were regarded as little above the level of brutes, and in some - cases were destroyed like vermin. - - "Here is an instance. A squatter, whose station was surrounded by - Blacks, whom he suspected to be hostile and from whom he feared an - attack, parleyed with them from his house-door. He told them it was - Christmas-time--a time at which all men, black or white, feasted; - that there were flour, sugar-plums, good things in plenty in the - store, and that he would make for them such a pudding as they had - never dreamed of--a great pudding of which all might eat and be - filled. The Blacks listened and were lost. The pudding was made - and distributed. Next morning there was howling in the camp, for it - had been sweetened with sugar and arsenic!" - -The white man's spirit was right, but his method was wrong. His spirit -was the spirit which the civilized white has always exhibited toward the -savage, but the use of poison was a departure from custom. True, it was -merely a technical departure, not a real one; still, it was a departure, -and therefore a mistake, in my opinion. It was better, kinder, swifter, -and much more humane than a number of the methods which have been -sanctified by custom, but that does not justify its employment. That is, -it does not wholly justify it. Its unusual nature makes it stand out and -attract an amount of attention which it is not entitled to. It takes -hold upon morbid imaginations and they work it up into a sort of -exhibition of cruelty, and this smirches the good name of our -civilization, whereas one of the old harsher methods would have had no -such effect because usage has made those methods familiar to us and -innocent. In many countries we have chained the savage and starved him -to death; and this we do not care for, because custom has inured us to -it; yet a quick death by poison is loving-kindness to it. In many -countries we have burned the savage at the stake; and this we do not care -for, because custom has inured us to it; yet a quick death is loving- -kindness to it. In more than one country we have hunted the savage and -his little children and their mother with dogs and guns through the woods -and swamps for an afternoon's sport, and filled the region with happy -laughter over their sprawling and stumbling flight, and their wild -supplications for mercy; but this method we do not mind, because custom -has inured us to it; yet a quick death by poison is loving-kindness to -it. In many countries we have taken the savage's land from him, and made -him our slave, and lashed him every day, and broken his pride, and made -death his only friend, and overworked him till he dropped in his tracks; -and this we do not care for, because custom has inured us to it; yet a -quick death by poison is loving-kindness to it. In the Matabeleland -today--why, there we are confining ourselves to sanctified custom, we -Rhodes-Beit millionaires in South Africa and Dukes in London; and nobody -cares, because we are used to the old holy customs, and all we ask is -that no notice-inviting new ones shall be intruded upon the attention of -our comfortable consciences. Mrs. Praed says of the poisoner, "That -squatter deserves to have his name handed down to the contempt of -posterity." - -I am sorry to hear her say that. I myself blame him for one thing, and -severely, but I stop there. I blame him for, the indiscretion of -introducing a novelty which was calculated to attract attention to our -civilization. There was no occasion to do that. It was his duty, and it -is every loyal man's duty to protect that heritage in every way he can; -and the best way to do that is to attract attention elsewhere. The -squatter's judgment was bad--that is plain; but his heart was right. He -is almost the only pioneering representative of civilization in history -who has risen above the prejudices of his caste and his heredity and -tried to introduce the element of mercy into the superior race's dealings -with the savage. His name is lost, and it is a pity; for it deserves to -be handed down to posterity with homage and reverence. - -This paragraph is from a London journal: - - "To learn what France is doing to spread the blessings of - civilization in her distant dependencies we may turn with advantage - to New Caledonia. With a view to attracting free settlers to that - penal colony, M. Feillet, the Governor, forcibly expropriated the - Kanaka cultivators from the best of their plantations, with a - derisory compensation, in spite of the protests of the Council - General of the island. Such immigrants as could be induced to cross - the seas thus found themselves in possession of thousands of coffee, - cocoa, banana, and bread-fruit trees, the raising of which had cost - the wretched natives years of toil whilst the latter had a few five- - franc pieces to spend in the liquor stores of Noumea." - -You observe the combination? It is robbery, humiliation, and slow, slow -murder, through poverty and the white man's whisky. The savage's gentle -friend, the savage's noble friend, the only magnanimous and unselfish -friend the savage has ever had, was not there with the merciful swift -release of his poisoned pudding. - -There are many humorous things in the world; among them the white man's -notion that he is less savage than the other savages. --[See Chapter on -Tasmania, post.] - - - - -CHAPTER XXII. - -Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -You notice that Mrs. Praed knows her art. She can place a thing before -you so that you can see it. She is not alone in that. Australia is -fertile in writers whose books are faithful mirrors of the life of the -country and of its history. The materials were surprisingly rich, both -in quality and in mass, and Marcus Clarke, Ralph Boldrewood, Cordon, -Kendall, and the others, have built out of them a brilliant and vigorous -literature, and one which must endure. Materials--there is no end to -them! Why, a literature might be made out of the aboriginal all by -himself, his character and ways are so freckled with varieties--varieties -not staled by familiarity, but new to us. You do not need to invent any -picturesquenesses; whatever you want in that line he can furnish you; and -they will not be fancies and doubtful, but realities and authentic. In -his history, as preserved by the white man's official records, he is -everything--everything that a human creature can be. He covers the -entire ground. He is a coward--there are a thousand fact to prove it. -He is brave--there are a thousand facts to prove it. He is treacherous-- -oh, beyond imagination! he is faithful, loyal, true--the white man's -records supply you with a harvest of instances of it that are noble, -worshipful, and pathetically beautiful. He kills the starving stranger -who comes begging for food and shelter there is proof of it. He succors, -and feeds, and guides to safety, to-day, the lost stranger who fired on -him only yesterday--there is proof of it. He takes his reluctant bride -by force, he courts her with a club, then loves her faithfully through a -long life--it is of record. He gathers to himself another wife by the -same processes, beats and bangs her as a daily diversion, and by and by -lays down his life in defending her from some outside harm--it is of -record. He will face a hundred hostiles to rescue one of his children, -and will kill another of his children because the family is large enough -without it. His delicate stomach turns, at certain details of the white -man's food; but he likes over-ripe fish, and brazed dog, and cat, and -rat, and will eat his own uncle with relish. He is a sociable animal, -yet he turns aside and hides behind his shield when his mother-in-law -goes by. He is childishly afraid of ghosts and other trivialities that -menace his soul, but dread of physical pain is a weakness which he is not -acquainted with. He knows all the great and many of the little -constellations, and has names for them; he has a symbol-writing by means -of which he can convey messages far and wide among the tribes; he has a -correct eye for form and expression, and draws a good picture; he can -track a fugitive by delicate traces which the white man's eye cannot -discern, and by methods which the finest white intelligence cannot -master; he makes a missile which science itself cannot duplicate without -the model--if with it; a missile whose secret baffled and defeated the -searchings and theorizings of the white mathematicians for seventy years; -and by an art all his own he performs miracles with it which the white -man cannot approach untaught, nor parallel after teaching. Within -certain limits this savage's intellect is the alertest and the brightest -known to history or tradition; and yet the poor creature was never able -to invent a counting system that would reach above five, nor a vessel -that he could boil water in. He is the prize-curiosity of all the races. -To all intents and purposes he is dead--in the body; but he has features -that will live in literature. - -Mr. Philip Chauncy, an officer of the Victorian Government, contributed -to its archives a report of his personal observations of the aboriginals -which has in it some things which I wish to condense slightly and insert -here. He speaks of the quickness of their eyes and the accuracy of their -judgment of the direction of approaching missiles as being quite -extraordinary, and of the answering suppleness and accuracy of limb and -muscle in avoiding the missile as being extraordinary also. He has seen -an aboriginal stand as a target for cricket-balls thrown with great force -ten or fifteen yards, by professional bowlers, and successfully dodge -them or parry them with his shield during about half an hour. One of -those balls, properly placed, could have killed him; "Yet he depended, -with the utmost self-possession, on the quickness of his eye and his -agility." - -The shield was the customary war-shield of his race, and would not be a -protection to you or to me. It is no broader than a stovepipe, and is -about as long as a man's arm. The opposing surface is not flat, but -slopes away from the centerline like a boat's bow. The difficulty about -a cricket-ball that has been thrown with a scientific "twist" is, that it -suddenly changes it course when it is close to its target and comes -straight for the mark when apparently it was going overhead or to one -side. I should not be able to protect myself from such balls for half- -an-hour, or less. - -Mr. Chauncy once saw "a little native man" throw a cricket-ball 119 -yards. This is said to beat the English professional record by thirteen -yards. - -We have all seen the circus-man bound into the air from a spring-board -and make a somersault over eight horses standing side by side. Mr. -Chauncy saw an aboriginal do it over eleven; and was assured that he had -sometimes done it over fourteen. But what is that to this: - - "I saw the same man leap from the ground, and in going over he - dipped his head, unaided by his hands, into a hat placed in an - inverted position on the top of the head of another man sitting - upright on horseback--both man and horse being of the average size. - The native landed on the other side of the horse with the hat fairly - on his head. The prodigious height of the leap, and the precision - with which it was taken so as to enable him to dip his head into the - hat, exceeded any feat of the kind I have ever beheld." - -I should think so! On board a ship lately I saw a young Oxford athlete -run four steps and spring into the air and squirm his hips by a side- -twist over a bar that was five and one-half feet high; but he could not -have stood still and cleared a bar that was four feet high. I know this, -because I tried it myself. - -One can see now where the kangaroo learned its art. - -Sir George Grey and Mr. Eyre testify that the natives dug wells fourteen -or fifteen feet deep and two feet in diameter at the bore--dug them in -the sand--wells that were "quite circular, carried straight down, and the -work beautifully executed." - -Their tools were their hands and feet. How did they throw sand out from -such a depth? How could they stoop down and get it, with only two feet -of space to stoop in ? How did they keep that sand-pipe from caving in -on them? I do not know. Still, they did manage those seeming -impossibilities. Swallowed the sand, may be. - -Mr. Chauncy speaks highly of the patience and skill and alert -intelligence of the native huntsman when he is stalking the emu, the -kangaroo, and other game: - - "As he walks through the bush his step is light, elastic, and - noiseless; every track on the earth catches his keen eye; a leaf, or - fragment of a stick turned, or a blade of grass recently bent by the - tread of one of the lower animals, instantly arrests his attention; - in fact, nothing escapes his quick and powerful sight on the ground, - in the trees, or in the distance, which may supply him with a meal - or warn him of danger. A little examination of the trunk of a tree - which may be nearly covered with the scratches of opossums ascending - and descending is sufficient to inform him whether one went up the - night before without coming down again or not." - -Fennimore Cooper lost his chance. He would have known how to value these -people. He wouldn't have traded the dullest of them for the brightest -Mohawk he ever invented. - -All savages draw outline pictures upon bark; but the resemblances are not -close, and expression is usually lacking. But the Australian -aboriginal's pictures of animals were nicely accurate in form, attitude, -carriage; and he put spirit into them, and expression. And his pictures -of white people and natives were pretty nearly as good as his pictures of -the other animals. He dressed his whites in the fashion of their day, -both the ladies and the gentlemen. As an untaught wielder of the pencil -it is not likely that he has had his equal among savage people. - -His place in art--as to drawing, not color-work--is well up, all things -considered. His art is not to be classified with savage art at all, but -on a plane two degrees above it and one degree above the lowest plane of -civilized art. To be exact, his place in art is between Botticelli and -De Maurier. That is to say, he could not draw as well as De Maurier but -better than Boticelli. In feeling, he resembles both; also in grouping -and in his preferences in the matter of subjects. His "corrobboree" of -the Australian wilds reappears in De Maurier's Belgravian ballrooms, with -clothes and the smirk of civilization added; Botticelli's "Spring" is the -"corrobboree" further idealized, but with fewer clothes and more smirk. -And well enough as to intention, but--my word! - -The aboriginal can make a fire by friction. I have tried that. - -All savages are able to stand a good deal of physical pain. The -Australian aboriginal has this quality in a well-developed degree. Do -not read the following instances if horrors are not pleasant to you. -They were recorded by the Rev. Henry N. Wolloston, of Melbourne, who had -been a surgeon before he became a clergyman: - - 1. "In the summer of 1852 I started on horseback from Albany, King - George's Sound, to visit at Cape Riche, accompanied by a native on - foot. We traveled about forty miles the first day, then camped by a - water-hole for the night. After cooking and eating our supper, I - observed the native, who had said nothing to me on the subject, - collect the hot embers of the fire together, and deliberately place - his right foot in the glowing mass for a moment, then suddenly - withdraw it, stamping on the ground and uttering a long-drawn - guttural sound of mingled pain and satisfaction. This operation he - repeated several times. On my inquiring the meaning of his strange - conduct, he only said, 'Me carpenter-make 'em' ('I am mending my - foot'), and then showed me his charred great toe, the nail of which - had been torn off by a tea-tree stump, in which it had been caught - during the journey, and the pain of which he had borne with stoical - composure until the evening, when he had an opportunity of - cauterizing the wound in the primitive manner above described." - -And he proceeded on the journey the next day, "as if nothing had -happened"--and walked thirty miles. It was a strange idea, to keep a -surgeon and then do his own surgery. - - 2. "A native about twenty-five years of age once applied to me, as - a doctor, to extract the wooden barb of a spear, which, during a - fight in the bush some four months previously, had entered his - chest, just missing the heart, and penetrated the viscera to a - considerable depth. The spear had been cut off, leaving the barb - behind, which continued to force its way by muscular action - gradually toward the back; and when I examined him I could feel a - hard substance between the ribs below the left blade-bone. I made a - deep incision, and with a pair of forceps extracted the barb, which - was made, as usual, of hard wood about four inches long and from - half an inch to an inch thick. It was very smooth, and partly - digested, so to speak, by the maceration to which it had been - exposed during its four months' journey through the body. The wound - made by the spear had long since healed, leaving only a small - cicatrix; and after the operation, which the native bore without - flinching, he appeared to suffer no pain. Indeed, judging from his - good state of health, the presence of the foreign matter did not - materially annoy him. He was perfectly well in a few days." - -But No. 3 is my favorite. Whenever I read it I seem to enjoy all that -the patient enjoyed--whatever it was: - - 3. "Once at King George's Sound a native presented himself to me - with one leg only, and requested me to supply him with a wooden leg. - He had traveled in this maimed state about ninety-six miles, for - this purpose. I examined the limb, which had been severed just - below the knee, and found that it had been charred by fire, while - about two inches of the partially calcined bone protruded through - the flesh. I at once removed this with the saw; and having made as - presentable a stump of it as I could, covered the amputated end of - the bone with a surrounding of muscle, and kept the patient a few - days under my care to allow the wound to heal. On inquiring, the - native told me that in a fight with other black-fellows a spear had - struck his leg and penetrated the bone below the knee. Finding it - was serious, he had recourse to the following crude and barbarous - operation, which it appears is not uncommon among these people in - their native state. He made a fire, and dug a hole in the earth - only sufficiently large to admit his leg, and deep enough to allow - the wounded part to be on a level with the surface of the ground. - He then surrounded the limb with the live coals or charcoal, which - was replenished until the leg was literally burnt off. The - cauterization thus applied completely checked the hemorrhage, and he - was able in a day or two to hobble down to the Sound, with the aid - of a long stout stick, although he was more than a week on the - road." - -But he was a fastidious native. He soon discarded the wooden leg made -for him by the doctor, because "it had no feeling in it." It must have -had as much as the one he burnt off, I should think. - -So much for the Aboriginals. It is difficult for me to let them alone. -They are marvelously interesting creatures. For a quarter of a century, -now, the several colonial governments have housed their remnants in -comfortable stations, and fed them well and taken good care of them in -every way. If I had found this out while I was in Australia I could have -seen some of those people--but I didn't. I would walk thirty miles to -see a stuffed one. - -Australia has a slang of its own. This is a matter of course. The vast -cattle and sheep industries, the strange aspects of the country, and the -strange native animals, brute and human, are matters which would -naturally breed a local slang. I have notes of this slang somewhere, but -at the moment I can call to mind only a few of the words and phrases. -They are expressive ones. The wide, sterile, unpeopled deserts have -created eloquent phrases like "No Man's Land " and the "Never-never -Country." Also this felicitous form: "She lives in the Never-never -Country"--that is, she is an old maid. And this one is not without -merit: "heifer-paddock"--young ladies' seminary. "Bail up" and "stick -up" equivalent of our highwayman-term to "hold up" a stage-coach or a -train. "New-chum" is the equivalent of our "tenderfoot"--new arrival. - -And then there is the immortal "My word! "We must import it. "M-y word! -"In cold print it is the equivalent of our "Ger-rreat Caesar!" but spoken -with the proper Australian unction and fervency, it is worth six of it -for grace and charm and expressiveness. Our form is rude and explosive; -it is not suited to the drawing-room or the heifer-paddock; but "M-y -word!" is, and is music to the ear, too, when the utterer knows how to -say it. I saw it in print several times on the Pacific Ocean, but it -struck me coldly, it aroused no sympathy. That was because it was the -dead corpse of the thing, the 'soul was not there--the tones were -lacking--the informing spirit--the deep feeling--the eloquence. But the -first time I heard an Australian say it, it was positively thrilling. - - - - -CHAPTER XXIII. - -Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -We left Adelaide in due course, and went to Horsham, in the colony of -Victoria; a good deal of a journey, if I remember rightly, but pleasant. -Horsham sits in a plain which is as level as a floor--one of those famous -dead levels which Australian books describe so often; gray, bare, sombre, -melancholy, baked, cracked, in the tedious long drouths, but a -horizonless ocean of vivid green grass the day after a rain. A country -town, peaceful, reposeful, inviting, full of snug homes, with garden -plots, and plenty of shrubbery and flowers. - -"Horsham, October 17. -At the hotel. The weather divine. Across the way, in front of the -London Bank of Australia, is a very handsome cottonwood. It is in -opulent leaf, and every leaf perfect. The full power of the on-rushing -spring is upon it, and I imagine I can see it grow. Alongside the bank -and a little way back in the garden there is a row of soaring fountain- -sprays of delicate feathery foliage quivering in the breeze, and mottled -with flashes of light that shift and play through the mass like flash- -lights through an opal--a most beautiful tree, and a striking contrast to -the cottonwood. Every leaf of the cottonwood is distinctly defined--it -is a kodak for faithful, hard, unsentimental detail; the other an -impressionist picture, delicious to look upon, full of a subtle and -exquisite charm, but all details fused in a swoon of vague and soft -loveliness." - -It turned out, upon inquiry, to be a pepper tree--an importation from -China. It has a silky sheen, soft and rich. I saw some that had long -red bunches of currant-like berries ambushed among the foliage. At a -distance, in certain lights, they give the tree a pinkish tint and a new -charm. - -There is an agricultural college eight miles from Horsham. We were -driven out to it by its chief. The conveyance was an open wagon; the -time, noonday; no wind; the sky without a cloud, the sunshine brilliant-- -and the mercury at 92 deg. in the shade. In some countries an indolent -unsheltered drive of an hour and a half under such conditions would have -been a sweltering and prostrating experience; but there was nothing of -that in this case. It is a climate that is perfect. There was no sense -of heat; indeed, there was no heat; the air was fine and pure and -exhilarating; if the drive had lasted half a day I think we should not -have felt any discomfort, or grown silent or droopy or tired. Of course, -the secret of it was the exceeding dryness of the atmosphere. In that -plain 112 deg. in the shade is without doubt no harder upon a man than is -88 or 90 deg. in New York. - -The road lay through the middle of an empty space which seemed to me to -be a hundred yards wide between the fences. I was not given the width in -yards, but only in chains and perches--and furlongs, I think. I would -have given a good deal to know what the width was, but I did not pursue -the matter. I think it is best to put up with information the way you -get it; and seem satisfied with it, and surprised at it, and grateful for -it, and say, "My word!" and never let on. It was a wide space; I could -tell you how wide, in chains and perches and furlongs and things, but -that would not help you any. Those things sound well, but they are -shadowy and indefinite, like troy weight and avoirdupois; nobody knows -what they mean. When you buy a pound of a drug and the man asks you -which you want, troy or avoirdupois, it is best to say "Yes," and shift -the subject. - -They said that the wide space dates from the earliest sheep and cattle- -raising days. People had to drive their stock long distances--immense -journeys--from worn-out places to new ones where were water and fresh -pasturage; and this wide space had to be left in grass and unfenced, or -the stock would have starved to death in the transit. - -On the way we saw the usual birds--the beautiful little green parrots, -the magpie, and some others; and also the slender native bird of modest -plumage and the eternally-forgettable name--the bird that is the smartest -among birds, and can give a parrot 30 to 1 in the game and then talk him -to death. I cannot recall that bird's name. I think it begins with M. -I wish it began with G. or something that a person can remember. - -The magpie was out in great force, in the fields and on the fences. He -is a handsome large creature, with snowy white decorations, and is a -singer; he has a murmurous rich note that is lovely. He was once modest, -even diffident; but he lost all that when he found out that he was -Australia's sole musical bird. He has talent, and cuteness, and -impudence; and in his tame state he is a most satisfactory pet--never -coming when he is called, always coming when he isn't, and studying -disobedience as an accomplishment. He is not confined, but loafs all -over the house and grounds, like the laughing jackass. I think he learns -to talk, I know he learns to sing tunes, and his friends say that he -knows how to steal without learning. I was acquainted with a tame magpie -in Melbourne. He had lived in a lady's house several years, and believed -he owned it. The lady had tamed him, and in return he had tamed the -lady. He was always on deck when not wanted, always having his own way, -always tyrannizing over the dog, and always making the cat's life a slow -sorrow and a martyrdom. He knew a number of tunes and could sing them in -perfect time and tune; and would do it, too, at any time that silence was -wanted; and then encore himself and do it again; but if he was asked to -sing he would go out and take a walk. - -It was long believed that fruit trees would not grow in that baked and -waterless plain around Horsham, but the agricultural college has -dissipated that idea. Its ample nurseries were producing oranges, -apricots, lemons, almonds, peaches, cherries, 48 varieties of apples--in -fact, all manner of fruits, and in abundance. The trees did not seem to -miss the water; they were in vigorous and flourishing condition. - -Experiments are made with different soils, to see what things thrive best -in them and what climates are best for them. A man who is ignorantly -trying to produce upon his farm things not suited to its soil and its -other conditions can make a journey to the college from anywhere in -Australia, and go back with a change of scheme which will make his farm -productive and profitable. - -There were forty pupils there--a few of them farmers, relearning their -trade, the rest young men mainly from the cities--novices. It seemed a -strange thing that an agricultural college should have an attraction for -city-bred youths, but such is the fact. They are good stuff, too; they -are above the agricultural average of intelligence, and they come without -any inherited prejudices in favor of hoary ignorances made sacred by long -descent. - -The students work all day in the fields, the nurseries, and the shearing- -sheds, learning and doing all the practical work of the business--three -days in a week. On the other three they study and hear lectures. They -are taught the beginnings of such sciences as bear upon agriculture--like -chemistry, for instance. We saw the sophomore class in sheep-shearing -shear a dozen sheep. They did it by hand, not with the machine. The -sheep was seized and flung down on his side and held there; and the -students took off his coat with great celerity and adroitness. Sometimes -they clipped off a sample of the sheep, but that is customary with -shearers, and they don't mind it; they don't even mind it as much as the -sheep. They dab a splotch of sheep-dip on the place and go right ahead. - -The coat of wool was unbelievably thick. Before the shearing the sheep -looked like the fat woman in the circus; after it he looked like a bench. -He was clipped to the skin; and smoothly and uniformly. The fleece comes -from him all in one piece and has the spread of a blanket. - -The college was flying the Australian flag--the gridiron of England -smuggled up in the northwest corner of a big red field that had the -random stars of the Southern Cross wandering around over it. - ->From Horsham we went to Stawell. By rail. Still in the colony of -Victoria. Stawell is in the gold-mining country. In the bank-safe was -half a peck of surface-gold--gold dust, grain gold; rich; pure in fact, -and pleasant to sift through one's fingers; and would be pleasanter if it -would stick. And there were a couple of gold bricks, very heavy to -handle, and worth $7,500 a piece. They were from a very valuable quartz -mine; a lady owns two-thirds of it; she has an income of $75,000 a month -from it, and is able to keep house. - -The Stawell region is not productive of gold only; it has great -vineyards, and produces exceptionally fine wines. One of these -vineyards--the Great Western, owned by Mr. Irving--is regarded as a -model. Its product has reputation abroad. It yields a choice champagne -and a fine claret, and its hock took a prize in France two or three years -ago. The champagne is kept in a maze of passages under ground, cut in -the rock, to secure it an even temperature during the three-year term -required to perfect it. In those vaults I saw 120,000 bottles of -champagne. The colony of Victoria has a population of 1,000,000, and -those people are said to drink 25,000,000 bottles of champagne per year. -The dryest community on the earth. The government has lately reduced the -duty upon foreign wines. That is one of the unkindnesses of Protection. -A man invests years of work and a vast sum of money in a worthy -enterprise, upon the faith of existing laws; then the law is changed, and -the man is robbed by his own government. - -On the way back to Stawell we had a chance to see a group of boulders -called the Three Sisters--a curiosity oddly located; for it was upon high -ground, with the land sloping away from it, and no height above it from -whence the boulders could have rolled down. Relics of an early ice- -drift, perhaps. They are noble boulders. One of them has the size and -smoothness and plump sphericity of a balloon of the biggest pattern. - -The road led through a forest of great gum-trees, lean and scraggy and -sorrowful. The road was cream-white--a clayey kind of earth, apparently. -Along it toiled occasional freight wagons, drawn by long double files of -oxen. Those wagons were going a journey of two hundred miles, I was -told, and were running a successful opposition to the railway! The -railways are owned and run by the government. - -Those sad gums stood up out of the dry white clay, pictures of patience -and resignation. It is a tree that can get along without water; still it -is fond of it--ravenously so. It is a very intelligent tree and will -detect the presence of hidden water at a distance of fifty feet, and send -out slender long root-fibres to prospect it. They will find it; and will -also get at it even through a cement wall six inches thick. Once a -cement water-pipe under ground at Stawell began to gradually reduce its -output, and finally ceased altogether to deliver water. Upon examining -into the matter it was found stopped up, wadded compactly with a mass of -root-fibres, delicate and hair-like. How this stuff had gotten into the -pipe was a puzzle for some little time; finally it was found that it had -crept in through a crack that was almost invisible to the eye. A gum -tree forty feet away had tapped the pipe and was drinking the water. - - - - -CHAPTER XXIV. - -There is no such thing as "the Queen's English." The property has gone -into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the -shares! - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Frequently, in Australia, one has cloud-effects of an unfamiliar sort. -We had this kind of scenery, finely staged, all the way to Ballarat. -Consequently we saw more sky than country on that journey. At one time a -great stretch of the vault was densely flecked with wee ragged-edged -flakes of painfully white cloud-stuff, all of one shape and size, and -equidistant apart, with narrow cracks of adorable blue showing between. -The whole was suggestive of a hurricane of snow-flakes drifting across -the skies. By and by these flakes fused themselves together in -interminable lines, with shady faint hollows between the lines, the long -satin-surfaced rollers following each other in simulated movement, and -enchantingly counterfeiting the majestic march of a flowing sea. Later, -the sea solidified itself; then gradually broke up its mass into -innumerable lofty white pillars of about one size, and ranged these -across the firmament, in receding and fading perspective, in the -similitude of a stupendous colonnade--a mirage without a doubt flung from -the far Gates of the Hereafter. - -The approaches to Ballarat were beautiful. The features, great green -expanses of rolling pasture-land, bisected by eye contenting hedges of -commingled new-gold and old-gold gorse--and a lovely lake. One must put -in the pause, there, to fetch the reader up with a slight jolt, and keep -him from gliding by without noticing the lake. One must notice it; for a -lovely lake is not as common a thing along the railways of Australia as -are the dry places. Ninety-two in the shade again, but balmy and -comfortable, fresh and bracing. A perfect climate. - -Forty-five years ago the site now occupied by the City of Ballarat was a -sylvan solitude as quiet as Eden and as lovely. Nobody had ever heard of -it. On the 25th of August, 1851, the first great gold-strike made in -Australia was made here. The wandering prospectors who made it scraped -up two pounds and a half of gold the first day-worth $600. A few days -later the place was a hive--a town. The news of the strike spread -everywhere in a sort of instantaneous way -spread like a flash to the -very ends of the earth. A celebrity so prompt and so universal has -hardly been paralleled in history, perhaps. It was as if the name -BALLARAT had suddenly been written on the sky, where all the world could -read it at once. - -The smaller discoveries made in the colony of New South Wales three -months before had already started emigrants toward Australia; they had -been coming as a stream, but they came as a flood, now. A hundred -thousand people poured into Melbourne from England and other countries in -a single month, and flocked away to the mines. The crews of the ships -that brought them flocked with them; the clerks in the government offices -followed; so did the cooks, the maids, the coachmen, the butlers, and the -other domestic servants; so did the carpenters, the smiths, the plumbers, -the painters, the reporters, the editors, the lawyers, the clients, the -barkeepers, the bummers, the blacklegs, the thieves, the loose women, the -grocers, the butchers, the bakers, the doctors, the druggists, the -nurses; so did the police; even officials of high and hitherto envied -place threw up their positions and joined the procession. This roaring -avalanche swept out of Melbourne and left it desolate, Sunday-like, -paralyzed, everything at a stand-still, the ships lying idle at anchor, -all signs of life departed, all sounds stilled save the rasping of the -cloud-shadows as they scraped across the vacant streets. - -That grassy and leafy paradise at Ballarat was soon ripped open, and -lacerated and scarified and gutted, in the feverish search for its hidden -riches. There is nothing like surface-mining to snatch the graces and -beauties and benignities out of a paradise, and make an odious and -repulsive spectacle of it. - -What fortunes were made! Immigrants got rich while the ship unloaded and -reloaded--and went back home for good in the same cabin they had come out -in! Not all of them. Only some. I saw the others in Ballarat myself, -forty-five years later--what were left of them by time and death and the -disposition to rove. They were young and gay, then; they are patriarchal -and grave, now; and they do not get excited any more. They talk of the -Past. They live in it. Their life is a dream, a retrospection. - -Ballarat was a great region for "nuggets." No such nuggets were found in -California as Ballarat produced. In fact, the Ballarat region has -yielded the largest ones known to history. Two of them weighed about 180 -pounds each, and together were worth $90,000. They were offered to any -poor person who would shoulder them and carry them away. Gold was so -plentiful that it made people liberal like that. - -Ballarat was a swarming city of tents in the early days. Everybody was -happy, for a time, and apparently prosperous. Then came trouble. The -government swooped down with a mining tax. And in its worst form, too; -for it was not a tax upon what the miner had taken out, but upon what he -was going to take out--if he could find it. It was a license-tax license -to work his claim--and it had to be paid before he could begin digging. - -Consider the situation. No business is so uncertain as surface-mining. -Your claim may be good, and it may be worthless. It may make you well -off in a month; and then again you may have to dig and slave for half a -year, at heavy expense, only to find out at last that the gold is not -there in cost-paying quantity, and that your time and your hard work have -been thrown away. It might be wise policy to advance the miner a monthly -sum to encourage him to develop the country's riches; but to tax him -monthly in advance instead--why, such a thing was never dreamed of in -America. There, neither the claim itself nor its products, howsoever -rich or poor, were taxed. - -The Ballarat miners protested, petitioned, complained--it was of no use; -the government held its ground, and went on collecting the tax. And not -by pleasant methods, but by ways which must have been very galling to -free people. The rumblings of a coming storm began to be audible. - -By and by there was a result; and I think it may be called the finest -thing in Australasian history. It was a revolution--small in size; but -great politically; it was a strike for liberty, a struggle for a -principle, a stand against injustice and oppression. It was the Barons -and John, over again; it was Hampden and Ship-Money; it was Concord and -Lexington; small beginnings, all of them, but all of them great in -political results, all of them epoch-making. It is another instance of a -victory won by a lost battle. It adds an honorable page to history; the -people know it and are proud of it. They keep green the memory of the -men who fell at the Eureka Stockade, and Peter Lalor has his monument. - -The surface-soil of Ballarat was full of gold. This soil the miners -ripped and tore and trenched and harried and disembowled, and made it -yield up its immense treasure. Then they went down into the earth with -deep shafts, seeking the gravelly beds of ancient rivers and brooks--and -found them. They followed the courses of these streams, and gutted them, -sending the gravel up in buckets to the upper world, and washing out of -it its enormous deposits of gold. The next biggest of the two monster -nuggets mentioned above came from an old river-channel 180 feet under -ground. - -Finally the quartz lodes were attacked. That is not poor-man's mining. -Quartz-mining and milling require capital, and staying-power, and -patience. Big companies were formed, and for several decades, now, the -lodes have been successfully worked, and have yielded great wealth. -Since the gold discovery in 1853 the Ballarat mines--taking the three -kinds of mining together--have contributed to the world's pocket -something over three hundred millions of dollars, which is to say that -this nearly invisible little spot on the earth's surface has yielded -about one-fourth as much gold in forty-four years as all California has -yielded in forty-seven. The Californian aggregate, from 1848 to 1895, -inclusive, as reported by the Statistician of the United States Mint, is -$1,265,215,217. - -A citizen told me a curious thing about those mines. With all my -experience of mining I had never heard of anything of the sort before. -The main gold reef runs about north and south--of course for that is the -custom of a rich gold reef. At Ballarat its course is between walls of -slate. Now the citizen told me that throughout a stretch of twelve miles -along the reef, the reef is crossed at intervals by a straight black -streak of a carbonaceous nature--a streak in the slate; a streak no -thicker than a pencil--and that wherever it crosses the reef you will -certainly find gold at the junction. It is called the Indicator. Thirty -feet on each side of the Indicator (and down in the slate, of course) is -a still finer streak--a streak as fine as a pencil mark; and indeed, that -is its name Pencil Mark. Whenever you find the Pencil Mark you know that -thirty feet from it is the Indicator; you measure the distance, excavate, -find the Indicator, trace it straight to the reef, and sink your shaft; -your fortune is made, for certain. If that is true, it is curious. And -it is curious anyway. - -Ballarat is a town of only 40,000 population; and yet, since it is in -Australia, it has every essential of an advanced and enlightened big -city. This is pure matter of course. I must stop dwelling upon these -things. It is hard to keep from dwelling upon them, though; for it is -difficult to get away from the surprise of it. I will let the other -details go, this time, but I must allow myself to mention that this -little town has a park of 326 acres; a flower garden of 83 acres, with an -elaborate and expensive fernery in it and some costly and unusually fine -statuary; and an artificial lake covering 600 acres, equipped with a -fleet of 200 shells, small sail boats, and little steam yachts. - -At this point I strike out some other praiseful things which I was -tempted to add. I do not strike them out because they were not true or -not well said, but because I find them better said by another man--and a -man more competent to testify, too, because he belongs on the ground, and -knows. I clip them from a chatty speech delivered some years ago by Mr. -William Little, who was at that time mayor of Ballarat: - - "The language of our citizens, in this as in other parts of - Australasia, is mostly healthy Anglo-Saxon, free from Americanisms, - vulgarisms, and the conflicting dialects of our Fatherland, and is - pure enough to suit a Trench or a Latham. Our youth, aided by - climatic influence, are in point of physique and comeliness - unsurpassed in the Sunny South. Our young men are well ordered; and - our maidens, 'not stepping over the bounds of modesty,' are as fair - as Psyches, dispensing smiles as charming as November flowers." - -The closing clause has the seeming of a rather frosty compliment, but -that is apparent only, not real. November is summer-time there. - -His compliment to the local purity of the language is warranted. It is -quite free from impurities; this is acknowledged far and wide. As in the -German Empire all cultivated people claim to speak Hanovarian German, so -in Australasia all cultivated people claim to speak Ballarat English. -Even in England this cult has made considerable progress, and now that it -is favored by the two great Universities, the time is not far away when -Ballarat English will come into general use among the educated classes of -Great Britain at large. Its great merit is, that it is shorter than -ordinary English--that is, it is more compressed. At first you have some -difficulty in understanding it when it is spoken as rapidly as the orator -whom I have quoted speaks it. An illustration will show what I mean. -When he called and I handed him a chair, he bowed and said: - -"Q." - -Presently, when we were lighting our cigars, he held a match to mine and -I said: - -"Thank you," and he said: - -"Km." - -Then I saw. 'Q' is the end of the phrase "I thank you" 'Km' is the end -of the phrase "You are welcome." Mr. Little puts no emphasis upon either -of them, but delivers them so reduced that they hardly have a sound. All -Ballarat English is like that, and the effect is very soft and pleasant; -it takes all the hardness and harshness out of our tongue and gives to it -a delicate whispery and vanishing cadence which charms the ear like the -faint rustling of the forest leaves. - - - - -CHAPTER XXV. - -"Classic." A book which people praise and don't read. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -On the rail again--bound for Bendigo. From diary: - -October 23. Got up at 6, left at 7.30; soon reached Castlemaine, one of -the rich gold-fields of the early days; waited several hours for a train; -left at 3.40 and reached Bendigo in an hour. For comrade, a Catholic -priest who was better than I was, but didn't seem to know it--a man full -of graces of the heart, the mind, and the spirit; a lovable man. He will -rise. He will be a bishop some day. Later an Archbishop. Later a -Cardinal. Finally an Archangel, I hope. And then he will recall me when -I say, "Do you remember that trip we made from Ballarat to Bendigo, when -you were nothing but Father C., and I was nothing to what I am now?" -It has actually taken nine hours to come from Ballarat to Bendigo. We -could have saved seven by walking. However, there was no hurry. - -Bendigo was another of the rich strikes of the early days. It does a -great quartz-mining business, now--that business which, more than any -other that I know of, teaches patience, and requires grit and a steady -nerve. The town is full of towering chimney-stacks, and hoisting-works, -and looks like a petroleum-city. Speaking of patience; for example, one -of the local companies went steadily on with its deep borings and -searchings without show of gold or a penny of reward for eleven years-- -then struck it, and became suddenly rich. The eleven years' work had -cost $55,000, and the first gold found was a grain the size of a pin's -head. It is kept under locks and bars, as a precious thing, and is -reverently shown to the visitor, "hats off." When I saw it I had not -heard its history. - -"It is gold. Examine it--take the glass. Now how much should you say it -is worth?" - -I said: - -"I should say about two cents; or in your English dialect, four -farthings." - -"Well, it cost L11,000." - -"Oh, come!" - -"Yes, it did. Ballarat and Bendigo have produced the three monumental -nuggets of the world, and this one is the monumentalest one of the three. -The other two represent 19,000 a piece; this one a couple of thousand -more. It is small, and not much to look at, but it is entitled to (its) -name--Adam. It is the Adam-nugget of this mine, and its children run up -into the millions." - -Speaking of patience again, another of the mines was worked, under heavy -expenses, during 17 years before pay was struck, and still another one -compelled a wait of 21 years before pay was struck; then, in both -instances, the outlay was all back in a year or two, with compound -interest. - -Bendigo has turned out even more gold than Ballarat. The two together -have produced $650,000,000 worth--which is half as much as California has -produced. - -It was through Mr. Blank--not to go into particulars about his name--it -was mainly through Mr. Blank that my stay in Bendigo was made memorably -pleasant and interesting. He explained this to me himself. He told me -that it was through his influence that the city government invited me to -the town-hall to hear complimentary speeches and respond to them; that it -was through his influence that I had been taken on a long pleasure-drive -through the city and shown its notable features; that it was through his -influence that I was invited to visit the great mines; that it was -through his influence that I was taken to the hospital and allowed to see -the convalescent Chinaman who had been attacked at midnight in his lonely -hut eight weeks before by robbers, and stabbed forty-six times and -scalped besides; that it was through his influence that when I arrived -this awful spectacle of piecings and patchings and bandagings was sitting -up in his cot letting on to read one of my books; that it was through his -influence that efforts had been made to get the Catholic Archbishop of -Bendigo to invite me to dinner; that it was through his influence that -efforts had been made to get the Anglican Bishop of Bendigo to ask me to -supper; that it was through his influence that the dean of the editorial -fraternity had driven me through the woodsy outlying country and shown -me, from the summit of Lone Tree Hill, the mightiest and loveliest -expanse of forest-clad mountain and valley that I had seen in all -Australia. And when he asked me what had most impressed me in Bendigo -and I answered and said it was the taste and the public spirit which had -adorned the streets with 105 miles of shade trees, he said that it was -through his influence that it had been done. - -But I am not representing him quite correctly. He did not say it was -through his influence that all these things had happened--for that would -have been coarse; be merely conveyed that idea; conveyed it so subtly -that I only caught it fleetingly, as one catches vagrant faint breaths of -perfume when one traverses the meadows in summer; conveyed it without -offense and without any suggestion of egoism or ostentation--but conveyed -it, nevertheless. - -He was an Irishman; an educated gentleman; grave, and kindly, and -courteous; a bachelor, and about forty-five or possibly fifty years old, -apparently. He called upon me at the hotel, and it was there that we had -this talk. He made me like him, and did it without trouble. This was -partly through his winning and gentle ways, but mainly through the -amazing familiarity with my books which his conversation showed. He was -down to date with them, too; and if he had made them the study of his -life he could hardly have been better posted as to their contents than he -was. He made me better satisfied with myself than I had ever been -before. It was plain that he had a deep fondness for humor, yet he never -laughed; he never even chuckled; in fact, humor could not win to outward -expression on his face at all. No, he was always grave--tenderly, -pensively grave; but he made me laugh, all along; and this was very -trying--and very pleasant at the same time--for it was at quotations from -my own books. - -When he was going, he turned and said: - -"You don't remember me?" - -"I? Why, no. Have we met before?" - -"No, it was a matter of correspondence." - -"Correspondence?" - -"Yes, many years ago. Twelve or fifteen. Oh, longer than that. But of -course you----" A musing pause. Then he said: - -"Do you remember Corrigan Castle?" - -"N-no, I believe I don't. I don't seem to recall the name." - -He waited a moment, pondering, with the door-knob in his hand, then -started out; but turned back and said that I had once been interested in -Corrigan Castle, and asked me if I would go with him to his quarters in -the evening and take a hot Scotch and talk it over. I was a teetotaler -and liked relaxation, so I said I would. - -We drove from the lecture-hall together about half-past ten. He had a -most comfortably and tastefully furnished parlor, with good pictures on -the walls, Indian and Japanese ornaments on the mantel, and here and -there, and books everywhere-largely mine; which made me proud. The light -was brilliant, the easy chairs were deep-cushioned, the arrangements for -brewing and smoking were all there. We brewed and lit up; then he passed -a sheet of note-paper to me and said-- - -"Do you remember that?" - -"Oh, yes, indeed!" - -The paper was of a sumptuous quality. At the top was a twisted and -interlaced monogram printed from steel dies in gold and blue and red, in -the ornate English fashion of long years ago; and under it, in neat -gothic capitals was this--printed in blue: - - THE MARK TWAIN CLUB - CORRIGAN CASTLE - ............187.. - -"My!" said I, "how did you come by this?" - -"I was President of it." - -"No! --you don't mean it." - -"It is true. I was its first President. I was re-elected annually as -long as its meetings were held in my castle--Corrigan--which was five -years." - -Then he showed me an album with twenty-three photographs of me in it. -Five of them were of old dates, the others of various later crops; the -list closed with a picture taken by Falk in Sydney a month before. - -"You sent us the first five; the rest were bought." - -This was paradise! We ran late, and talked, talked, talked--subject, the -Mark Twain Club of Corrigan Castle, Ireland. - -My first knowledge of that Club dates away back; all of twenty years, I -should say. It came to me in the form of a courteous letter, written on -the note-paper which I have described, and signed "By order of the -President; C. PEMBROKE, Secretary." It conveyed the fact that the Club -had been created in my honor, and added the hope that this token of -appreciation of my work would meet with my approval. - -I answered, with thanks; and did what I could to keep my gratification -from over-exposure. - -It was then that the long correspondence began. A letter came back, by -order of the President, furnishing me the names of the members-thirty-two -in number. With it came a copy of the Constitution and By-Laws, in -pamphlet form, and artistically printed. The initiation fee and dues -were in their proper place; also, schedule of meetings--monthly--for -essays upon works of mine, followed by discussions; quarterly for -business and a supper, without essays, but with after-supper speeches -also, there was a list of the officers: President, Vice-President, -Secretary, Treasurer, etc. The letter was brief, but it was pleasant -reading, for it told me about the strong interest which the membership -took in their new venture, etc., etc. It also asked me for a photograph ---a special one. I went down and sat for it and sent it--with a letter, -of course. - -Presently came the badge of the Club, and very dainty and pretty it was; -and very artistic. It was a frog peeping out from a graceful tangle of -grass-sprays and rushes, and was done in enamels on a gold basis, and had -a gold pin back of it. After I had petted it, and played with it, and -caressed it, and enjoyed it a couple of hours, the light happened to fall -upon it at a new angle, and revealed to me a cunning new detail; with the -light just right, certain delicate shadings of the grass-blades and rush- -stems wove themselves into a monogram--mine! You can see that that jewel -was a work of art. And when you come to consider the intrinsic value of -it, you must concede that it is not every literary club that could afford -a badge like that. It was easily worth $75, in the opinion of Messrs. -Marcus and Ward of New York. They said they could not duplicate it for -that and make a profit. By this time the Club was well under way; and -from that time forth its secretary kept my off-hours well supplied with -business. He reported the Club's discussions of my books with laborious -fullness, and did his work with great spirit and ability. As a, rule, he -synopsized; but when a speech was especially brilliant, he short-handed -it and gave me the best passages from it, written out. There were five -speakers whom he particularly favored in that way: Palmer, Forbes, -Naylor, Norris, and Calder. Palmer and Forbes could never get through a -speech without attacking each other, and each in his own way was -formidably effective--Palmer in virile and eloquent abuse, Forbes in -courtly and elegant but scalding satire. I could always tell which of -them was talking without looking for his name. Naylor had a polished -style and a happy knack at felicitous metaphor; Norris's style was wholly -without ornament, but enviably compact, lucid, and strong. But after -all, Calder was the gem. He never spoke when sober, he spoke -continuously when he wasn't. And certainly they were the drunkest -speeches that a man ever uttered. They were full of good things, but so -incredibly mixed up and wandering that it made one's head swim to follow -him. They were not intended to be funny, but they were,--funny for the -very gravity which the speaker put into his flowing miracles of -incongruity. In the course of five years I came to know the styles of -the five orators as well as I knew the style of any speaker in my own -club at home. - -These reports came every month. They were written on foolscap, 600 words -to the page, and usually about twenty-five pages in a report--a good -15,000 words, I should say,--a solid week's work. The reports were -absorbingly entertaining, long as they were; but, unfortunately for me, -they did not come alone. They were always accompanied by a lot of -questions about passages and purposes in my books, which the Club wanted -answered; and additionally accompanied every quarter by the Treasurer's -report, and the Auditor's report, and the Committee's report, and the -President's review, and my opinion of these was always desired; also -suggestions for the good of the Club, if any occurred to me. - -By and by I came to dread those things; and this dread grew and grew and -grew; grew until I got to anticipating them with a cold horror. For I -was an indolent man, and not fond of letter-writing, and whenever these -things came I had to put everything by and sit down--for my own peace of -mind--and dig and dig until I got something out of my head which would -answer for a reply. I got along fairly well the first year; but for the -succeeding four years the Mark Twain Club of Corrigan Castle was my -curse, my nightmare, the grief and misery of my life. And I got so, so -sick of sitting for photographs. I sat every year for five years, trying -to satisfy that insatiable organization. Then at last I rose in revolt. -I could endure my oppressions no longer. I pulled my fortitude together -and tore off my chains, and was a free man again, and happy. From that -day I burned the secretary's fat envelopes the moment they arrived, and -by and by they ceased to come. - -Well, in the sociable frankness of that night in Bendigo I brought this -all out in full confession. Then Mr. Blank came out in the same frank -way, and with a preliminary word of gentle apology said that he was the -Mark Twain Club, and the only member it had ever had! - -Why, it was matter for anger, but I didn't feel any. He said he never -had to work for a living, and that by the time he was thirty life had -become a bore and a weariness to him. He had no interests left; they had -paled and perished, one by one, and left him desolate. He had begun to -think of suicide. Then all of a sudden he thought of that happy idea of -starting an imaginary club, and went straightway to work at it, with -enthusiasm and love. He was charmed with it; it gave him something to -do. It elaborated itself on his hands;--it became twenty times more -complex and formidable than was his first rude draft of it. Every new -addition to his original plan which cropped up in his mind gave him a -fresh interest and a new pleasure. He designed the Club badge himself, -and worked over it, altering and improving it, a number of days and -nights; then sent to London and had it made. It was the only one that -was made. It was made for me; the "rest of the Club" went without. - -He invented the thirty-two members and their names. He invented the five -favorite speakers and their five separate styles. He invented their -speeches, and reported them himself. He would have kept that Club going -until now, if I hadn't deserted, he said. He said he worked like a slave -over those reports; each of them cost him from a week to a fortnight's -work, and the work gave him pleasure and kept him alive and willing to be -alive. It was a bitter blow to him when the Club died. - -Finally, there wasn't any Corrigan Castle. He had invented that, too. - -It was wonderful--the whole thing; and altogether the most ingenious and -laborious and cheerful and painstaking practical joke I have ever heard -of. And I liked it; liked to bear him tell about it; yet I have been a -hater of practical jokes from as long back as I can remember. Finally he -said-- - -"Do you remember a note from Melbourne fourteen or fifteen years ago, -telling about your lecture tour in Australia, and your death and burial -in Melbourne? --a note from Henry Bascomb, of Bascomb Hall, Upper -Holywell Hants." - -"Yes." - -"I wrote it." - -"M-y-word!" - -"Yes, I did it. I don't know why. I just took the notion, and carried -it out without stopping to think. It was wrong. It could have done -harm. I was always sorry about it afterward. You must forgive me. I -was Mr. Bascom's guest on his yacht, on his voyage around the world. He -often spoke of you, and of the pleasant times you had had together in his -home; and the notion took me, there in Melbourne, and I imitated his -hand, and wrote the letter." - -So the mystery was cleared up, after so many, many years. - - - - -CHAPTER XXVI. - -There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one! keep -from telling their happinesses to the unhappy. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -After visits to Maryborough and some other Australian towns, we presently -took passage for New Zealand. If it would not look too much like showing -off, I would tell the reader where New Zealand is; for he is as I was; he -thinks he knows. And he thinks he knows where Hertzegovina is; and how -to pronounce pariah; and how to use the word unique without exposing -himself to the derision of the dictionary. But in truth, he knows none -of these things. There are but four or five people in the world who -possess this knowledge, and these make their living out of it. They -travel from place to place, visiting literary assemblages, geographical -societies, and seats of learning, and springing sudden bets that these -people do not know these things. Since all people think they know them, -they are an easy prey to these adventurers. Or rather they were an easy -prey until the law interfered, three months ago, and a New York court -decided that this kind of gambling is illegal, "because it traverses -Article IV, Section 9, of the Constitution of the United States, which -forbids betting on a sure thing." This decision was rendered by the full -Bench of the New York Supreme Court, after a test sprung upon the court -by counsel for the prosecution, which showed that none of the nine Judges -was able to answer any of the four questions. - -All people think that New Zealand is close to Australia or Asia, or -somewhere, and that you cross to it on a bridge. But that is not so. It -is not close to anything, but lies by itself, out in the water. It is -nearest to Australia, but still not near. The gap between is very wide. -It will be a surprise to the reader, as it was to me, to learn that the -distance from Australia to New Zealand is really twelve or thirteen -hundred miles, and that there is no bridge. I learned this from -Professor X., of Yale University, whom I met in the steamer on the great -lakes when I was crossing the continent to sail across the Pacific. I -asked him about New Zealand, in order to make conversation. I supposed -he would generalize a little without compromising himself, and then turn -the subject to something he was acquainted with, and my object would then -be attained; the ice would be broken, and we could go smoothly on, and -get acquainted, and have a pleasant time. But, to my surprise, he was -not only not embarrassed by my question, but seemed to welcome it, and to -take a distinct interest in it. He began to talk--fluently, confidently, -comfortably; and as he talked, my admiration grew and grew; for as the -subject developed under his hands, I saw that he not only knew where New -Zealand was, but that he was minutely familiar with every detail of its -history, politics, religions, and commerce, its fauna, flora., geology, -products, and climatic peculiarities. When he was done, I was lost in -wonder and admiration, and said to myself, he knows everything; in the -domain of human knowledge he is king. - -I wanted to see him do more miracles; and so, just for the pleasure of -hearing him answer, I asked him about Hertzegovina, and pariah, and -unique. But he began to generalize then, and show distress. I saw that -with New Zealand gone, he was a Samson shorn of his locks; he was as -other men. This was a curious and interesting mystery, and I was frank -with him, and asked him to explain it. - -He tried to avoid it at first; but then laughed and said that after all, -the matter was not worth concealment, so he would let me into the secret. -In substance, this is his story: - -"Last autumn I was at work one morning at home, when a card came up--the -card of a stranger. Under the name was printed a line which showed that -this visitor was Professor of Theological Engineering in Wellington -University, New Zealand. I was troubled--troubled, I mean, by the -shortness of the notice. College etiquette required that he be at once -invited to dinner by some member of the Faculty--invited to dine on that -day--not, put off till a subsequent day. I did not quite know what to -do. College etiquette requires, in the case of a foreign guest, that the -dinner-talk shall begin with complimentary references to his country, its -great men, its services to civilization, its seats of learning, and -things like that; and of course the host is responsible, and must either -begin this talk himself or see that it is done by some one else. I was -in great difficulty; and the more I searched my memory, the more my -trouble grew. I found that I knew nothing about New Zealand. I thought -I knew where it was, and that was all. I had an impression that it was -close to Australia, or Asia, or somewhere, and that one went over to it -on a bridge. This might turn out to be incorrect; and even if correct, -it would not furnish matter enough for the purpose at the dinner, and I -should expose my College to shame before my guest; he would see that I, a -member of the Faculty of the first University in America, was wholly -ignorant of his country, and he would go away and tell this, and laugh at -it. The thought of it made my face burn. - -"I sent for my wife and told her how I was situated, and asked for her -help, and she thought of a thing which I might have thought of myself, if -I had not been excited and worried. She said she would go and tell the -visitor that I was out but would be in in a few minutes; and she would -talk, and keep him busy while I got out the back way and hurried over and -make Professor Lawson give the dinner. For Lawson knew everything, and -could meet the guest in a creditable way and save the reputation of the -University. I ran to Lawson, but was disappointed. He did not know -anything about New Zealand. He said that, as far as his recollection -went it was close to Australia, or Asia, or somewhere, and you go over to -it on a bridge; but that was all he knew. It was too bad. Lawson was a -perfect encyclopedia of abstruse learning; but now in this hour of our -need, it turned out that he did not know any useful thing. - -"We consulted. He saw that the reputation of the University was in very -real peril, and he walked the floor in anxiety, talking, and trying to -think out some way to meet the difficulty. Presently he decided that we -must try the rest of the Faculty--some of them might know about New -Zealand. So we went to the telephone and called up the professor of -astronomy and asked him, and he said that all he knew was, that it was -close to Australia, or Asia, or somewhere, and you went over to it on---- - -"We shut him off and called up the professor of biology, and he said that -all he knew was that it was close to Aus----. - -"We shut him off, and sat down, worried and disheartened, to see if we -could think up some other scheme. We shortly hit upon one which promised -well, and this one we adopted, and set its machinery going at once. It -was this. Lawson must give the dinner. The Faculty must be notified by -telephone to prepare. We must all get to work diligently, and at the end -of eight hours and a half we must come to dinner acquainted with New -Zealand; at least well enough informed to appear without discredit before -this native. To seem properly intelligent we should have to know about -New Zealand's population, and politics, and form of government, and -commerce, and taxes, and products, and ancient history, and modern -history, and varieties of religion, and nature of the laws, and their -codification, and amount of revenue, and whence drawn, and methods of -collection, and percentage of loss, and character of climate, and--well, -a lot of things like that; we must suck the maps and cyclopedias dry. -And while we posted up in this way, the Faculty's wives must flock over, -one after the other, in a studiedly casual way, and help my wife keep the -New Zealander quiet, and not let him get out and come interfering with -our studies. The scheme worked admirably; but it stopped business, -stopped it entirely. - -"It is in the official log-book of Yale, to be read and wondered at by -future generations--the account of the Great Blank Day--the memorable -Blank Day--the day wherein the wheels of culture were stopped, a Sunday -silence prevailed all about, and the whole University stood still while -the Faculty read-up and qualified itself to sit at meat, "without shame, -in the presence of the Professor of Theological Engineering from New -Zealand: - -"When we assembled at the dinner we were miserably tired and worn--but we -were posted. Yes, it is fair to claim that. In fact, erudition is a -pale name for it. New Zealand was the only subject; and it was just -beautiful to hear us ripple it out. And with such an air of -unembarrassed ease, and unostentatious familiarity with detail, and -trained and seasoned mastery of the subject-and oh, the grace and fluency -of it! - -"Well, finally somebody happened to notice that the guest was looking -dazed, and wasn't saying anything. So they stirred him up, of course. -Then that man came out with a good, honest, eloquent compliment that made -the Faculty blush. He said be was not worthy to sit in the company of -men like these; that he had been silent from admiration; that he had been -silent from another cause also--silent from shame--silent from ignorance! -'For,' said he, 'I, who have lived eighteen years in New Zealand and have -served five in a professorship, and ought to know much about that -country, perceive, now, that I know almost nothing about it. I say it -with shame, that I have learned fifty times, yes, a hundred times more -about New Zealand in these two hours at this table than I ever knew -before in all the eighteen years put together. I was silent because I -could not help myself. What I knew about taxes, and policies, and laws, -and revenue, and products, and history, and all that multitude of things, -was but general, and ordinary, and vague-unscientific, in a word--and it -would have been insanity to expose it here to the searching glare of your -amazingly accurate and all-comprehensive knowledge of those matters, -gentlemen. I beg you to let me sit silent--as becomes me. But do not -change the subject; I can at least follow you, in this one; whereas if -you change to one which shall call out the full strength of your mighty -erudition, I shall be as one lost. If you know all this about a remote -little inconsequent patch like New Zealand, ah, what wouldn't you know -about any other Subject!'" - - - - -CHAPTER XXVIL - -Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what -there is of it. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -FROM DIARY: - -November 1--noon. A fine day, a brilliant sun. Warm in the sun, cold -in the shade--an icy breeze blowing out of the south. A solemn long -swell rolling up northward. It comes from the South Pole, with nothing -in the way to obstruct its march and tone its energy down. I have read -somewhere that an acute observer among the early explorers--Cook? or -Tasman?--accepted this majestic swell as trustworthy circumstantial -evidence that no important land lay to the southward, and so did not -waste time on a useless quest in that direction, but changed his course -and went searching elsewhere. - -Afternoon. Passing between Tasmania (formerly Van Diemen's Land) and -neighboring islands--islands whence the poor exiled Tasmanian savages -used to gaze at their lost homeland and cry; and die of broken hearts. -How glad I am that all these native races are dead and gone, or nearly -so. The work was mercifully swift and horrible in some portions of -Australia. As far as Tasmania is concerned, the extermination was -complete: not a native is left. It was a strife of years, and decades of -years. The Whites and the Blacks hunted each other, ambushed each other, -butchered each other. The Blacks were not numerous. But they were wary, -alert, cunning, and they knew their country well. They lasted a long -time, few as they were, and inflicted much slaughter upon the Whites. - -The Government wanted to save the Blacks from ultimate extermination, if -possible. One of its schemes was to capture them and coop them up, on a -neighboring island, under guard. Bodies of Whites volunteered for the -hunt, for the pay was good--L5 for each Black captured and delivered, but -the success achieved was not very satisfactory. The Black was naked, and -his body was greased. It was hard to get a grip on him that would hold. -The Whites moved about in armed bodies, and surprised little families of -natives, and did make captures; but it was suspected that in these -surprises half a dozen natives were killed to one caught--and that was -not what the Government desired. - -Another scheme was to drive the natives into a corner of the island and -fence them in by a cordon of men placed in line across the country; but -the natives managed to slip through, constantly, and continue their -murders and arsons. - -The governor warned these unlettered savages by printed proclamation that -they must stay in the desolate region officially appointed for them! The -proclamation was a dead letter; the savages could not read it. Afterward -a picture-proclamation was issued. It was painted up on boards, and -these were nailed to trees in the forest. Herewith is a photographic -reproduction of this fashion-plate. Substantially it means: - -1. The Governor wishes the Whites and the Blacks to love each other; - -2. He loves his black subjects; - -3. Blacks who kill Whites will be hanged; - -4. Whites who kill Blacks will be hanged. - -Upon its several schemes the Government spent L30,000 and employed the -labors and ingenuities of several thousand Whites for a long time with -failure as a result. Then, at last, a quarter of a century after the -beginning of the troubles between the two races, the right man was found. -No, he found himself. This was George Augustus Robinson, called in -history "The Conciliator." He was not educated, and not conspicuous in -any way. He was a working bricklayer, in Hobart Town. But he must have -been an amazing personality; a man worth traveling far to see. It may be -his counterpart appears in history, but I do not know where to look for -it. - -He set himself this incredible task: to go out into the wilderness, the -jungle, and the mountain-retreats where the hunted and implacable savages -were hidden, and appear among them unarmed, speak the language of love -and of kindness to them, and persuade them to forsake their homes and the -wild free life that was so dear to them, and go with him and surrender to -the hated Whites and live under their watch and ward, and upon their -charity the rest of their lives! On its face it was the dream of a -madman. - -In the beginning, his moral-suasion project was sarcastically dubbed the -sugar plum speculation. If the scheme was striking, and new to the -world's experience, the situation was not less so. It was this. The -White population numbered 40,000 in 1831; the Black population numbered -three hundred. Not 300 warriors, but 300 men, women, and children. The -Whites were armed with guns, the Blacks with clubs and spears. The -Whites had fought the Blacks for a quarter of a century, and had tried -every thinkable way to capture, kill, or subdue them; and could not do -it. If white men of any race could have done it, these would have -accomplished it. But every scheme had failed, the splendid 300, the -matchless 300 were unconquered, and manifestly unconquerable. They would -not yield, they would listen to no terms, they would fight to the bitter -end. Yet they had no poet to keep up their heart, and sing the marvel of -their magnificent patriotism. - -At the end of five-and-twenty years of hard fighting, the surviving 300 -naked patriots were still defiant, still persistent, still efficacious -with their rude weapons, and the Governor and the 40,000 knew not which -way to turn, nor what to do. - -Then the Bricklayer--that wonderful man--proposed to go out into the -wilderness, with no weapon but his tongue, and no protection but his -honest eye and his humane heart; and track those embittered savages to -their lairs in the gloomy forests and among the mountain snows. -Naturally, he was considered a crank. But he was not quite that. In -fact, he was a good way short of that. He was building upon his long and -intimate knowledge of the native character. The deriders of his project -were right--from their standpoint--for they believed the natives to be -mere wild beasts; and Robinson was right, from his standpoint--for he -believed the natives to be human beings. The truth did really lie -between the two. The event proved that Robinson's judgment was soundest; -but about once a month for four years the event came near to giving the -verdict to the deriders, for about that frequently Robinson barely -escaped falling under the native spears. - -But history shows that he had a thinking head, and was not a mere wild -sentimentalist. For instance, he wanted the war parties (called) in -before he started unarmed upon his mission of peace. He wanted the best -chance of success--not a half-chance. And he was very willing to have -help; and so, high rewards were advertised, for any who would go unarmed -with him. This opportunity was declined. Robinson persuaded some tamed -natives of both sexes to go with him--a strong evidence of his persuasive -powers, for those natives well knew that their destruction would be -almost certain. As it turned out, they had to face death over and over -again. - -Robinson and his little party had a difficult undertaking upon their -hands. They could not ride off, horseback, comfortably into the woods -and call Leonidas and his 300 together for a talk and a treaty the -following day; for the wild men were not in a body; they were scattered, -immense distances apart, over regions so desolate that even the birds -could not make a living with the chances offered--scattered in groups of -twenty, a dozen, half a dozen, even in groups of three. And the mission -must go on foot. Mr. Bonwick furnishes a description of those horrible -regions, whereby it will be seen that even fugitive gangs of the hardiest -and choicest human devils the world has seen--the convicts set apart to -people the "Hell of Macquarrie Harbor Station"--were never able, but -once, to survive the horrors of a march through them, but starving and -struggling, and fainting and failing, ate each other, and died: - -"Onward, still onward, was the order of the indomitable Robinson. No one -ignorant of the western country of Tasmania can form a correct idea of -the traveling difficulties. While I was resident in Hobart Town, the -Governor, Sir John Franklin, and his lady, undertook the western journey -to Macquarrie Harbor, and suffered terribly. One man who assisted to -carry her ladyship through the swamps, gave me his bitter experience of -its miseries. Several were disabled for life. No wonder that but one -party, escaping from Macquarrie Harbor convict settlement, arrived at the -civilized region in safety. Men perished in the scrub, were lost in -snow, or were devoured by their companions. This was the territory -traversed by Mr. Robinson and his Black guides. All honor to his -intrepidity, and their wonderful fidelity! When they had, in the depth -of winter, to cross deep and rapid rivers, pass among mountains six -thousand feet high, pierce dangerous thickets, and find food in a country -forsaken even by birds, we can realize their hardships. - -"After a frightful journey by Cradle Mountain, and over the lofty plateau -of Middlesex Plains, the travelers experienced unwonted misery, and the -circumstances called forth the best qualities of the noble little band. -Mr. Robinson wrote afterwards to Mr. Secretary Burnett some details of -this passage of horrors. In that letter, of Oct 2, 1834, he states that -his Natives were very reluctant to go over the dreadful mountain passes; -that 'for seven successive days we continued traveling over one solid -body of snow;' that 'the snows were of incredible depth;' that 'the -Natives were frequently up to their middle in snow.' But still the ill- -clad, ill-fed, diseased, and way-worn men and women were sustained by the -cheerful voice of their unconquerable friend, and responded most nobly to -his call." - -Mr. Bonwick says that Robinson's friendly capture of the Big River tribe -remember, it was a whole tribe--"was by far the grandest feature of the -war, and the crowning glory of his efforts." The word "war" was not well -chosen, and is misleading. There was war still, but only the Blacks were -conducting it--the Whites were holding off until Robinson could give his -scheme a fair trial. I think that we are to understand that the friendly -capture of that tribe was by far the most important thing, the highest in -value, that happened during the whole thirty years of truceless -hostilities; that it was a decisive thing, a peaceful Waterloo, the -surrender of the native Napoleon and his dreaded forces, the happy ending -of the long strife. For "that tribe was the terror of the colony," its -chief "the Black Douglas of Bush households." - -Robinson knew that these formidable people were lurking somewhere, in -some remote corner of the hideous regions just described, and he and his -unarmed little party started on a tedious and perilous hunt for them. At -last, "there, under the shadows of the Frenchman's Cap, whose grim cone -rose five thousand feet in the uninhabited westward interior," they were -found. It was a serious moment. Robinson himself believed, for once, -that his mission, successful until now, was to end here in failure, and -that his own death-hour had struck. - -The redoubtable chief stood in menacing attitude, with his eighteen-foot -spear poised; his warriors stood massed at his back, armed for battle, -their faces eloquent with their long-cherished loathing for white men. -"They rattled their spears and shouted their war-cry." Their women were -back of them, laden with supplies of weapons, and keeping their 150 eager -dogs quiet until the chief should give the signal to fall on. - -"I think we shall soon be in the resurrection," whispered a member of -Robinson's little party. - -"I think we shall," answered Robinson; then plucked up heart and began -his persuasions--in the tribe's own dialect, which surprised and pleased -the chief. Presently there was an interruption by the chief: - -"Who are you?" - -"We are gentlemen." - -"Where are your guns?" - -"We have none." - -The warrior was astonished. - -"Where your little guns?" (pistols). - -"We have none." - -A few minutes passed--in by-play--suspense--discussion among the -tribesmen--Robinson's tamed squaws ventured to cross the line and begin -persuasions upon the wild squaws. Then the chief stepped back "to confer -with the old women--the real arbiters of savage war." Mr. Bonwick -continues: - - "As the fallen gladiator in the arena looks for the signal of life - or death from the president of the amphitheatre, so waited our - friends in anxious suspense while the conference continued. In a - few minutes, before a word was uttered, the women of the tribe threw - up their arms three times. This was the inviolable sign of peace! - Down fell the spears. Forward, with a heavy sigh of relief, and - upward glance of gratitude, came the friends of peace. The - impulsive natives rushed forth with tears and cries, as each saw in - the other's rank a loved one of the past. - - "It was a jubilee of joy. A festival followed. And, while tears - flowed at the recital of woe, a corrobory of pleasant laughter - closed the eventful day." - -In four years, without the spilling of a drop of blood, Robinson brought -them all in, willing captives, and delivered them to the white governor, -and ended the war which powder and bullets, and thousands of men to use -them, had prosecuted without result since 1804. - -Marsyas charming the wild beasts with his music--that is fable; but the -miracle wrought by Robinson is fact. It is history--and authentic; and -surely, there is nothing greater, nothing more reverence-compelling in -the history of any country, ancient or modern. - -And in memory of the greatest man Australasia ever developed or ever will -develop, there is a stately monument to George Augustus Robinson, the -Conciliator in--no, it is to another man, I forget his name. - -However, Robertson's own generation honored him, and in manifesting it -honored themselves. The Government gave him a money-reward and a -thousand acres of land; and the people held mass-meetings and praised him -and emphasized their praise with a large subscription of money. - -A good dramatic situation; but the curtain fell on another: - - "When this desperate tribe was thus captured, there was much - surprise to find that the L30,000 of a little earlier day had been - spent, and the whole population of the colony placed under arms, in - contention with an opposing force of sixteen men with wooden spears! - Yet such was the fact. The celebrated Big River tribe, that had - been raised by European fears to a host, consisted of sixteen men, - nine women, and one child. With a knowledge of the mischief done by - these few, their wonderful marches and their widespread aggressions, - their enemies cannot deny to them the attributes of courage and - military tact. A Wallace might harass a large army with a small and - determined band; but the contending parties were at least equal in - arms and civilization. The Zulus who fought us in Africa, the - Maories in New Zealand, the Arabs in the Soudan, were far better - provided with weapons, more advanced in the science of war, and - considerably more numerous, than the naked Tasmanians. Governor - Arthur rightly termed them a noble race." - -These were indeed wonderful people, the natives. They ought not to have -been wasted. They should have been crossed with the Whites. It would -have improved the Whites and done the Natives no harm. - -But the Natives were wasted, poor heroic wild creatures. They were -gathered together in little settlements on neighboring islands, and -paternally cared for by the Government, and instructed in religion, and -deprived of tobacco, because the superintendent of the Sunday-school was -not a smoker, and so considered smoking immoral. - -The Natives were not used to clothes, and houses, and regular hours, and -church, and school, and Sunday-school, and work, and the other misplaced -persecutions of civilization, and they pined for their lost home and -their wild free life. Too late they repented that they had traded that -heaven for this hell. They sat homesick on their alien crags, and day by -day gazed out through their tears over the sea with unappeasable longing -toward the hazy bulk which was the specter of what had been their -paradise; one by one their hearts broke and they died. - -In a very few years nothing but a scant remnant remained alive. A -handful lingered along into age. In 1864 the last man died, in 1876 the -last woman died, and the Spartans of Australasia were extinct. - -The Whites always mean well when they take human fish out of the ocean -and try to make them dry and warm and happy and comfortable in a chicken -coop; but the kindest-hearted white man can always be depended on to -prove himself inadequate when he deals with savages. He cannot turn the -situation around and imagine how he would like it to have a well-meaning -savage transfer him from his house and his church and his clothes and his -books and his choice food to a hideous wilderness of sand and rocks and -snow, and ice and sleet and storm and blistering sun, with no shelter, no -bed, no covering for his and his family's naked bodies, and nothing to -eat but snakes and grubs and 'offal. This would be a hell to him; and if -he had any wisdom he would know that his own civilization is a hell to -the savage--but he hasn't any, and has never had any; and for lack of it -he shut up those poor natives in the unimaginable perdition of his -civilization, committing his crime with the very best intentions, and saw -those poor creatures waste away under his tortures; and gazed at it, -vaguely troubled and sorrowful, and wondered what could be the matter -with them. One is almost betrayed into respecting those criminals, they -were so sincerely kind, and tender, and humane; and well-meaning. - -They didn't know why those exiled savages faded away, and they did their -honest best to reason it out. And one man, in a like case in New South -Wales, did reason it out and arrive at a solution: - - "It is from the wrath of God, which is revealed from heaven against - cold ungodliness and unrighteousness of men." - -That settles it. - - - - -CHAPTER XXVIII. - -Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not -succeed. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The aphorism does really seem true: "Given the Circumstances, the Man -will appear." But the man musn't appear ahead of time, or it will spoil -everything. In Robinson's case the Moment had been approaching for a -quarter of a century--and meantime the future Conciliator was tranquilly -laying bricks in Hobart. When all other means had failed, the Moment had -arrived, and the Bricklayer put down his trowel and came forward. -Earlier he would have been jeered back to his trowel again. It reminds -me of a tale that was told me by a Kentuckian on the train when we were -crossing Montana. He said the tale was current in Louisville years ago. -He thought it had been in print, but could not remember. At any rate, in -substance it was this, as nearly as I can call it back to mind. - -A few years before the outbreak of the Civil War it began to appear that -Memphis, Tennessee, was going to be a great tobacco entrepot--the wise -could see the signs of it. At that time Memphis had a wharf boat, of -course. There was a paved sloping wharf, for the accommodation of -freight, but the steamers landed on the outside of the wharfboat, and all -loading and unloading was done across it, between steamer and shore. A -number of wharfboat clerks were needed, and part of the time, every day, -they were very busy, and part of the time tediously idle. They were -boiling over with youth and spirits, and they had to make the intervals -of idleness endurable in some way; and as a rule, they did it by -contriving practical jokes and playing them upon each other. - -The favorite butt for the jokes was Ed Jackson, because he played none -himself, and was easy game for other people's--for he always believed -whatever was told him. - -One day he told the others his scheme for his holiday. He was not going -fishing or hunting this time--no, he had thought out a better plan. Out -of his $40 a month he had saved enough for his purpose, in an economical -way, and he was going to have a look at New York. - -It was a great and surprising idea. It meant travel immense travel--in -those days it meant seeing the world; it was the equivalent of a voyage -around it in ours. At first the other youths thought his mind was -affected, but when they found that he was in earnest, the next thing to -be thought of was, what sort of opportunity this venture might afford for -a practical joke. - -The young men studied over the matter, then held a secret consultation -and made a plan. The idea was, that one of the conspirators should offer -Ed a letter of introduction to Commodore Vanderbilt, and trick him into -delivering it. It would be easy to do this. But what would Ed do when -he got back to Memphis? That was a serious matter. He was good-hearted, -and had always taken the jokes patiently; but they had been jokes which -did not humiliate him, did not bring him to shame; whereas, this would be -a cruel one in that way, and to play it was to meddle with fire; for with -all his good nature, Ed was a Southerner--and the English of that was, -that when he came back he would kill as many of the conspirators as he -could before falling himself. However, the chances must be taken--it -wouldn't do to waste such a joke as that. - -So the letter was prepared with great care and elaboration. It was -signed Alfred Fairchild, and was written in an easy and friendly spirit. -It stated that the bearer was the bosom friend of the writer's son, and -was of good parts and sterling character, and it begged the Commodore to -be kind to the young stranger for the writer's sake. It went on to say, -"You may have forgotten me, in this long stretch of time, but you will -easily call me back out of your boyhood memories when I remind you of how -we robbed old Stevenson's orchard that night; and how, while he was -chasing down the road after us, we cut across the field and doubled back -and sold his own apples to his own cook for a hat-full of doughnuts; and -the time that we----" and so forth and so on, bringing in names of -imaginary comrades, and detailing all sorts of wild and absurd and, of -course, wholly imaginary schoolboy pranks and adventures, but putting -them into lively and telling shape. - -With all gravity Ed was asked if he would like to have a letter to -Commodore Vanderbilt, the great millionaire. It was expected that the -question would astonish Ed, and it did. - -"What? Do you know that extraordinary man?" - -"No; but my father does. They were schoolboys together. And if you -like, I'll write and ask father. I know he'll be glad to give it to you -for my sake." - -Ed could not find words capable of expressing his gratitude and delight. -The three days passed, and the letter was put into his bands. He started -on his trip, still pouring out his thanks while he shook good-bye all -around. And when he was out of sight his comrades let fly their laughter -in a storm of happy satisfaction--and then quieted down, and were less -happy, less satisfied. For the old doubts as to the wisdom of this -deception began to intrude again. - -Arrived in New York, Ed found his way to Commodore Vanderbilt's business -quarters, and was ushered into a large anteroom, where a score of people -were patiently awaiting their turn for a two-minute interview with the -millionaire in his private office. A servant asked for Ed's card, and -got the letter instead. Ed was sent for a moment later, and found Mr. -Vanderbilt alone, with the letter--open--in his hand. - -"Pray sit down, Mr. --er--" - -"Jackson." - -" Ah--sit down, Mr. Jackson. By the opening sentences it seems to be a -letter from an old friend. Allow me--I will run my eye through it. He -says he says--why, who is it?" He turned the sheet and found the -signature. "Alfred Fairchild--hm--Fairchild--I don't recall the name. -But that is nothing--a thousand names have gone from me. He says--he -says-hm-hmoh, dear, but it's good! Oh, it's rare! I don't quite -remember it, but I seem to it'll all come back to me presently. He says ---he says--hm--hm-oh, but that was a game! Oh, spl-endid ! How it -carries me back! It's all dim, of course it's a long time ago--and the -names--some of the names are wavery and indistinct--but sho', I know it -happened--I can feel it! and lord, how it warms my heart, and brings -back my lost youth! Well, well, well, I've got to come back into this -work-a-day world now--business presses and people are waiting--I'll keep -the rest for bed to-night, and live my youth over again. And you'll -thank Fairchild for me when you see him--I used to call him Alf, I think ---and you'll give him my gratitude for--what this letter has done for the -tired spirit of a hard-worked man; and tell him there isn't anything that -I can do for him or any friend of his that I won't do. And as for you, -my lad, you are my guest; you can't stop at any hotel in New York. Sit. -where you are a little while, till I get through with these people, then -we'll go home. I'll take care of you, my boy--make yourself easy as to -that." - -Ed stayed a week, and had an immense time--and never suspected that the -Commodore's shrewd eye was on him, and that he was daily being weighed -and measured and analyzed and tried and tested. - -Yes, he had an immense time; and never wrote home, but saved it all up to -tell when he should get back. Twice, with proper modesty and decency, he -proposed to end his visit, but the Commodore said, "No--wait; leave it to -me; I'll tell you when to go." - -In those days the Commodore was making some of those vast combinations of -his--consolidations of warring odds and ends of railroads into harmonious -systems, and concentrations of floating and rudderless commerce in -effective centers--and among other things his farseeing eye had detected -the convergence of that huge tobacco-commerce, already spoken of, toward -Memphis, and he had resolved to set his grasp upon it and make it his -own. - -The week came to an end. Then the Commodore said: - -"Now you can start home. But first we will have some more talk about -that tobacco matter. I know you now. I know your abilities as well as -you know them yourself--perhaps better. You understand that tobacco -matter; you understand that I am going to take possession of it, and you -also understand the plans which I have matured for doing it. What I want -is a man who knows my mind, and is qualified to represent me in Memphis, -and be in supreme command of that important business--and I appoint you." - -"Me!" - -"Yes. Your salary will be high--of course-for you are representing me. -Later you will earn increases of it, and will get them. You will need a -small army of assistants; choose them yourself--and carefully. Take no -man for friendship's sake; but, all things being equal, take the man you -know, take your friend, in preference to the stranger." After some -further talk under this head, the Commodore said: - -"Good-bye, my boy, and thank Alf for me, for sending you to me." - -When Ed reached Memphis he rushed down to the wharf in a fever to tell -his great news and thank the boys over and over again for thinking to -give him the letter to Mr. Vanderbilt. It happened to be one of those -idle times. Blazing hot noonday, and no sign of life on the wharf. But -as Ed threaded his way among the freight piles, he saw a white linen -figure stretched in slumber upon a pile of grain-sacks under an awning, -and said to himself, "That's one of them," and hastened his step; next, -he said, "It's Charley--it's Fairchild good"; and the next moment laid an -affectionate hand on the sleeper's shoulder. The eyes opened lazily, -took one glance, the face blanched, the form whirled itself from the -sack-pile, and in an instant Ed was alone and Fairchild was flying for -the wharf-boat like the wind! - -Ed was dazed, stupefied. Was Fairchild crazy? What could be the meaning -of this? He started slow and dreamily down toward the wharf-boat; turned -the corner of a freight-pile and came suddenly upon two of the boys. -They were lightly laughing over some pleasant matter; they heard his -step, and glanced up just as he discovered them; the laugh died abruptly; -and before Ed could speak they were off, and sailing over barrels and -bales like hunted deer. Again Ed was paralyzed. Had the boys all gone -mad? What could be the explanation of this extraordinary conduct? And -so, dreaming along, he reached the wharf-boat, and stepped aboard nothing -but silence there, and vacancy. He crossed the deck, turned the corner -to go down the outer guard, heard a fervent-- - -"O lord!" and saw a white linen form plunge overboard. - -The youth came up coughing and strangling, and cried out-- - -"Go 'way from here! You let me alone. I didn't do it, I swear I -didn't!" - -"Didn't do what?" - -"Give you the----" - -"Never mind what you didn't do--come out of that! What makes you all act -so? What have I done?" - -"You? Why you haven't done anything. But----" - -"Well, then, what have you got against me? What do you all treat me so -for?" - -"I--er--but haven't you got anything against us?" - -"Of course not. What put such a thing into your head?" - -"Honor bright--you haven't? - -"Honor bright." - -"Swear it!" - -"I don't know what in the world you mean, but I swear it, anyway." - -"And you'll shake hands with me?" - -"Goodness knows I'll be glad to! Why, I'm just starving to shake hands -with somebody!" - -The swimmer muttered, "Hang him, he smelt a rat and never delivered the -letter!--but it's all right, I'm not going to fetch up the subject." And -he crawled out and came dripping and draining to shake hands. First one -and then another of the conspirators showed up cautiously--armed to the -teeth--took in the amicable situation, then ventured warily forward and -joined the love-feast. - -And to Ed's eager inquiry as to what made them act as they had been -acting, they answered evasively, and pretended that they had put it up as -a joke, to see what he would do. It was the best explanation they could -invent at such short notice. And each said to himself, "He never -delivered that letter, and the joke is on us, if he only knew it or we -were dull enough to come out and tell." - -Then, of course, they wanted to know all about the trip; and he said-- - -"Come right up on the boiler deck and order the drinks it's my treat. -I'm going to tell you all about it. And to-night it's my treat again-- -and we'll have oysters and a time!" - -When the drinks were brought and cigars lighted, Ed said: - -"Well, when, I delivered the letter to Mr. Vanderbilt----" - -"Great Scott!" - -"Gracious, how you scared me. What's the matter?" - -"Oh--er--nothing. Nothing--it was a tack in the chair-seat," said one. - -"But you all said it. However, no matter. When I delivered the -letter----" - -"Did you deliver it?" And they looked at each other as people might who -thought that maybe they were dreaming. - -Then they settled to listening; and as the story deepened and its marvels -grew, the amazement of it made them dumb, and the interest of it took -their breath. They hardly uttered a whisper during two hours, but sat -like petrifactions and drank in the immortal romance. At last the tale -was ended, and Ed said-- - -"And it's all owing to you, boys, and you'll never find me ungrateful-- -bless your hearts, the best friends a fellow ever had! You'll all have -places; I want every one of you. I know you--I know you 'by the back,' -as the gamblers say. You're jokers, and all that, but you're sterling, -with the hallmark on. And Charley Fairchild, you shall be my first -assistant and right hand, because of your first-class ability, and -because you got me the letter, and for your father's sake who wrote it -for me, and to please Mr. Vanderbilt, who said it would! And here's to -that great man--drink hearty!" - -Yes, when the Moment comes, the Man appears--even if he is a thousand -miles away, and has to be discovered by a practical joke. - - - - -CHAPTER XXIX. - -When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in -his private heart no man much respects himself. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Necessarily, the human interest is the first interest in the log-book of -any country. The annals of Tasmania, in whose shadow we were sailing, -are lurid with that feature. Tasmania was a convict-dump, in old times; -this has been indicated in the account of the Conciliator, where -reference is made to vain attempts of desperate convicts to win to -permanent freedom, after escaping from Macquarrie Harbor and the "Gates -of Hell." In the early days Tasmania had a great population of convicts, -of both sexes and all ages, and a bitter hard life they had. In one spot -there was a settlement of juvenile convicts--children--who had been sent -thither from their home and their friends on the other side of the globe -to expiate their "crimes." - -In due course our ship entered the estuary called the Derwent, at whose -head stands Hobart, the capital of Tasmania. The Derwent's shores -furnish scenery of an interesting sort. The historian Laurie, whose -book, "The Story of Australasia," is just out, invoices its features with -considerable truth and intemperance: "The marvelous picturesqueness of -every point of view, combined with the clear balmy atmosphere and the -transparency of the ocean depths, must have delighted and deeply -impressed" the early explorers. "If the rock-bound coasts, sullen, -defiant, and lowering, seemed uninviting, these were occasionally broken -into charmingly alluring coves floored with golden sand, clad with -evergreen shrubbery, and adorned with every variety of indigenous wattle, -she-oak, wild flower, and fern, from the delicately graceful 'maiden- -hair' to the palm-like 'old man'; while the majestic gum-tree, clean and -smooth as the mast of 'some tall admiral' pierces the clear air to the -height of 230 feet or more." - -It looked so to me. "Coasting along Tasman's Peninsula, what a shock of -pleasant wonder must have struck the early mariner on suddenly sighting -Cape Pillar, with its cluster of black-ribbed basaltic columns rising to -a height of 900 feet, the hydra head wreathed in a turban of fleecy -cloud, the base lashed by jealous waves spouting angry fountains of -foam." - -That is well enough, but I did not suppose those snags were 900 feet -high. Still they were a very fine show. They stood boldly out by -themselves, and made a fascinatingly odd spectacle. But there was -nothing about their appearance to suggest the heads of a hydra. They -looked like a row of lofty slabs with their upper ends tapered to the -shape of a carving-knife point; in fact, the early voyager, ignorant of -their great height, might have mistaken them for a rusty old rank of -piles that had sagged this way and that out of the perpendicular. - -The Peninsula is lofty, rocky, and densely clothed with scrub, or brush, -or both. It is joined to the main by a low neck. At this junction was -formerly a convict station called Port Arthur--a place hard to escape -from. Behind it was the wilderness of scrub, in which a fugitive would -soon starve; in front was the narrow neck, with a cordon of chained dogs -across it, and a line of lanterns, and a fence of living guards, armed. -We saw the place as we swept by--that is, we had a glimpse of what we -were told was the entrance to Port Arthur. The glimpse was worth -something, as a remembrancer, but that was all. - -The voyage thence up the Derwent Frith displays a grand succession of -fairy visions, in its entire length elsewhere unequaled. In gliding over -the deep blue sea studded with lovely islets luxuriant to the water's -edge, one is at a loss which scene to choose for contemplation and to -admire most. When the Huon and Bruni have been passed, there seems no -possible chance of a rival; but suddenly Mount Wellington, massive and -noble like his brother Etna, literally heaves in sight, sternly guarded -on either hand by Mounts Nelson and Rumney; presently we arrive at -Sullivan's Cove--Hobart!" - -It is an attractive town. It sits on low hills that slope to the harbor ---a harbor that looks like a river, and is as smooth as one. Its still -surface is pictured with dainty reflections of boats and grassy banks and -luxuriant foliage. Back of the town rise highlands that are clothed in -woodland loveliness, and over the way is that noble mountain, Wellington, -a stately bulk, a most majestic pile. How beautiful is the whole region, -for form, and grouping, and opulence, and freshness of foliage, and -variety of color, and grace and shapeliness of the hills, the capes, the, -promontories; and then, the splendor of the sunlight, the dim rich -distances, the charm of the water-glimpses! And it was in this paradise -that the yellow-liveried convicts were landed, and the Corps-bandits -quartered, and the wanton slaughter of the kangaroo-chasing black -innocents consummated on that autumn day in May, in the brutish old time. -It was all out of keeping with the place, a sort of bringing of heaven -and hell together. - -The remembrance of this paradise reminds me that it was at Hobart that we -struck the head of the procession of Junior Englands. We were to -encounter other sections of it in New Zealand, presently, and others -later in Natal. Wherever the exiled Englishman can find in his new home -resemblances to his old one, he is touched to the marrow of his being; -the love that is in his heart inspires his imagination, and these allied -forces transfigure those resemblances into authentic duplicates of the -revered originals. It is beautiful, the feeling which works this -enchantment, and it compels one's homage; compels it, and also compels -one's assent--compels it always--even when, as happens sometimes, one -does not see the resemblances as clearly as does the exile who is -pointing them out. - -The resemblances do exist, it is quite true; and often they cunningly -approximate the originals--but after all, in the matter of certain -physical patent rights there is only one England. Now that I have -sampled the globe, I am not in doubt. There is a beauty of Switzerland, -and it is repeated in the glaciers and snowy ranges of many parts of the -earth; there is a beauty of the fiord, and it is repeated in New Zealand -and Alaska; there is a beauty of Hawaii, and it is repeated in ten -thousand islands of the Southern seas; there is a beauty of the prairie -and the plain, and it is repeated here and there in the earth; each of -these is worshipful, each is perfect in its way, yet holds no monopoly of -its beauty; but that beauty which is England is alone--it has no -duplicate. - -It is made up of very simple details--just grass, and trees, and shrubs, -and roads, and hedges, and gardens, and houses, and vines, and churches, -and castles, and here and there a ruin--and over it all a mellow dream- -haze of history. But its beauty is incomparable, and all its own. - -Hobart has a peculiarity--it is the neatest town that the sun shines on; -and I incline to believe that it is also the cleanest. However that may -be, its supremacy in neatness is not to be questioned. There cannot be -another town in the world that has no shabby exteriors; no rickety gates -and fences, no neglected houses crumbling to ruin, no crazy and unsightly -sheds, no weed-grown front-yards of the poor, no back-yards littered with -tin cans and old boots and empty bottles, no rubbish in the gutters, no -clutter on the sidewalks, no outer-borders fraying out into dirty lanes -and tin-patched huts. No, in Hobart all the aspects are tidy, and all a -comfort to the eye; the modestest cottage looks combed and brushed, and -has its vines, its flowers, its neat fence, its neat gate, its comely cat -asleep on the window ledge. - -We had a glimpse of the museum, by courtesy of the American gentleman who -is curator of it. It has samples of half-a-dozen different kinds of -marsupials--[A marsupial is a plantigrade vertebrate whose specialty is -its pocket. In some countries it is extinct, in the others it is rare. -The first American marsupials were Stephen Girard, Mr. Aston and the -opossum; the principal marsupials of the Southern Hemisphere are Mr. -Rhodes, and the kangaroo. I, myself, am the latest marsupial. Also, I -might boast that I have the largest pocket of them all. But there is -nothing in that.]--one, the " Tasmanian devil;" that is, I think he was -one of them. And there was a fish with lungs. When the water dries up -it can live in the mud. Most curious of all was a parrot that kills -sheep. On one great sheep-run this bird killed a thousand sheep in a -whole year. He doesn't want the whole sheep, but only the kidney-fat. -This restricted taste makes him an expensive bird to support. To get the -fat he drives his beak in and rips it out; the wound is mortal. This -parrot furnishes a notable example of evolution brought about by changed -conditions. When the sheep culture was introduced, it presently brought -famine to the parrot by exterminating a kind of grub which had always -thitherto been the parrot's diet. The miseries of hunger made the bird -willing to eat raw flesh, since it could get no other food, and it began -to pick remnants of meat from sheep skins hung out on the fences to dry. -It soon came to prefer sheep meat to any other food, and by and by it -came to prefer the kidney-fat to any other detail of the sheep. The -parrot's bill was not well shaped for digging out the fat, but Nature -fixed that matter; she altered the bill's shape, and now the parrot can -dig out kidney-fat better than the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or -anybody else, for that matter--even an Admiral. - -And there was another curiosity--quite a stunning one, I thought: Arrow- -heads and knives just like those which Primeval Man made out of flint, -and thought he had done such a wonderful thing--yes, and has been humored -and coddled in that superstition by this age of admiring scientists until -there is probably no living with him in the other world by now. Yet here -is his finest and nicest work exactly duplicated in our day; and by -people who have never heard of him or his works: by aborigines who lived -in the islands of these seas, within our time. And they not only -duplicated those works of art but did it in the brittlest and most -treacherous of substances--glass: made them out of old brandy bottles -flung out of the British camps; millions of tons of them. It is time for -Primeval Man to make a little less noise, now. He has had his day. He -is not what he used to be. We had a drive through a bloomy and odorous -fairy-land, to the Refuge for the Indigent--a spacious and comfortable -home, with hospitals, etc., for both sexes. There was a crowd in there, -of the oldest people I have ever seen. It was like being suddenly set -down in a new world--a weird world where Youth has never been, a world -sacred to Age, and bowed forms, and wrinkles. Out of the 359 persons -present, 223, were ex-convicts, and could have told stirring tales, no -doubt, if they had been minded to talk; 42 of the 359 were past 80, and -several were close upon 90; the average age at death there is 76 years. -As for me, I have no use for that place; it is too healthy. Seventy is -old enough--after that, there is too much risk. Youth and gaiety might -vanish, any day--and then, what is left? Death in life; death without -its privileges, death without its benefits. There were 185 women in that -Refuge, and 81 of them were ex-convicts. - -The steamer disappointed us. Instead of making a long visit at Hobart, -as usual, she made a short one. So we got but a glimpse of Tasmania, and -then moved on. - - - - -CHAPTER XXX. - -Nature makes the locust with an appetite for crops; man would have made -him with an appetite for sand. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -We spent part of an afternoon and a night at sea, and reached Bluff, in -New Zealand, early in the morning. Bluff is at the bottom of the middle -island, and is away down south, nearly forty-seven degrees below the -equator. It lies as far south of the line as Quebec lies north of it, -and the climates of the two should be alike; but for some reason or other -it has not been so arranged. Quebec is hot in the summer and cold in the -winter, but Bluff's climate is less intense; the cold weather is not very -cold, the hot weather is not very hot; and the difference between the -hottest month and the coldest is but 17 degrees Fahrenheit. - -In New Zealand the rabbit plague began at Bluff. The man who introduced -the rabbit there was banqueted and lauded; but they would hang him, now, -if they could get him. In England the natural enemy of the rabbit is -detested and persecuted; in the Bluff region the natural enemy of the -rabbit is honored, and his person is sacred. The rabbit's natural enemy -in England is the poacher, in Bluff its natural enemy is the stoat, the -weasel, the ferret, the cat, and the mongoose. In England any person -below the Heir who is caught with a rabbit in his possession must -satisfactorily explain how it got there, or he will suffer fine and -imprisonment, together with extinction of his peerage; in Bluff, the cat -found with a rabbit in its possession does not have to explain--everybody -looks the other way; the person caught noticing would suffer fine and -imprisonment, with extinction of peerage. This is a sure way to -undermine the moral fabric of a cat. Thirty years from now there will -not be a moral cat in New Zealand. Some think there is none there now. -In England the poacher is watched, tracked, hunted--he dare not show his -face; in Bluff the cat, the weasel, the stoat, and the mongoose go up and -down, whither they will, unmolested. By a law of the legislature, posted -where all may read, it is decreed that any person found in possession of -one of these creatures (dead) must satisfactorily explain the -circumstances or pay a fine of not less than L5, nor more than L20. The -revenue from this source is not large. Persons who want to pay a hundred -dollars for a dead cat are getting rarer and rarer every day. This is -bad, for the revenue was to go to the endowment of a University. All -governments are more or less short-sighted: in England they fine the -poacher, whereas he ought to be banished to New Zealand. New Zealand -would pay his way, and give him wages. - -It was from Bluff that we ought to have cut across to the west coast and -visited the New Zealand Switzerland, a land of superb scenery, made up of -snowy grandeurs, anal mighty glaciers, and beautiful lakes; and over -there, also, are the wonderful rivals of the Norwegian and Alaskan -fiords; and for neighbor, a waterfall of 1,900 feet; but we were obliged -to postpone the trip to some later and indefinite time. - -November 6. A lovely summer morning; brilliant blue sky. A few miles -out from Invercargill, passed through vast level green expanses snowed -over with sheep. Fine to see. The green, deep and very vivid sometimes; -at other times less so, but delicate and lovely. A passenger reminds me -that I am in "the England of the Far South." - -Dunedin, same date. The town justifies Michael Davitt's praises. The -people are Scotch. They stopped here on their way from home to heaven- -thinking they had arrived. The population is stated at 40,000, by -Malcolm Ross, journalist; stated by an M. P. at 60,000. A journalist -cannot lie. - -To the residence of Dr. Hockin. He has a fine collection of books -relating to New Zealand; and his house is a museum of Maori art and -antiquities. He has pictures and prints in color of many native chiefs -of the past--some of them of note in history. There is nothing of the -savage in the faces; nothing could be finer than these men's features, -nothing more intellectual than these faces, nothing more masculine, -nothing nobler than their aspect. The aboriginals of Australia and -Tasmania looked the savage, but these chiefs looked like Roman -patricians. The tattooing in these portraits ought to suggest the -savage, of course, but it does not. The designs are so flowing and -graceful and beautiful that they are a most satisfactory decoration. It -takes but fifteen minutes to get reconciled to the tattooing, and but -fifteen more to perceive that it is just the thing. After that, the -undecorated European face is unpleasant and ignoble. - -Dr. Hockiu gave us a ghastly curiosity--a lignified caterpillar with a -plant growing out of the back of its neck--a plant with a slender stem 4 -inches high. It happened not by accident, but by design--Nature's -design. This caterpillar was in the act of loyally carrying out a law -inflicted upon him by Nature--a law purposely inflicted upon him to get -him into trouble--a law which was a trap; in pursuance of this law he -made the proper preparations for turning himself into a night-moth; that -is to say, he dug a little trench, a little grave, and then stretched -himself out in it on his stomach and partially buried himself--then -Nature was ready for him. She blew the spores of a peculiar fungus -through the air with a purpose. Some of them fell into a crease in the -back of the caterpillar's neck, and began to sprout and grow--for there -was soil there--he had not washed his neck. The roots forced themselves -down into the worm's person, and rearward along through its body, sucking -up the creature's juices for sap; the worm slowly died, and turned to -wood. And here he was now, a wooden caterpillar, with every detail of -his former physique delicately and exactly preserved and perpetuated, and -with that stem standing up out of him for his monument--monument -commemorative of his own loyalty and of Nature's unfair return for it. - -Nature is always acting like that. Mrs. X. said (of course) that the -caterpillar was not conscious and didn't suffer. She should have known -better. No caterpillar can deceive Nature. If this one couldn't suffer, -Nature would have known it and would have hunted up another caterpillar. -Not that she would have let this one go, merely because it was defective. -No. She would have waited and let him turn into a night-moth; and then -fried him in the candle. - -Nature cakes a fish's eyes over with parasites, so that it shan't be able -to avoid its enemies or find its food. She sends parasites into a star- -fish's system, which clog up its prongs and swell them and make them so -uncomfortable that the poor creature delivers itself from the prong to -ease its misery; and presently it has to part with another prong for the -sake of comfort, and finally with a third. If it re-grows the prongs, -the parasite returns and the same thing is repeated. And finally, when -the ability to reproduce prongs is lost through age, that poor old star- -fish can't get around any more, and so it dies of starvation. - -In Australia is prevalent a horrible disease due to an "unperfected -tapeworm." Unperfected--that is what they call it, I do not know why, -for it transacts business just as well as if it were finished and -frescoed and gilded, and all that. - -November 9. To the museum and public picture gallery with the president -of the Society of Artists. Some fine pictures there, lent by the S. of -A. several of them they bought, the others came to them by gift. Next, -to the gallery of the S. of A.--annual exhibition--just opened. Fine. -Think of a town like this having two such collections as this, and a -Society of Artists. It is so all over Australasia. If it were a -monarchy one might understand it. I mean an absolute monarchy, where it -isn't necessary to vote money, but take it. Then art flourishes. But -these colonies are republics--republics with a wide suffrage; voters of -both sexes, this one of New Zealand. In republics, neither the -government nor the rich private citizen is much given to propagating art. -All over Australasia pictures by famous European artists are bought for -the public galleries by the State and by societies of citizens. Living -citizens--not dead ones. They rob themselves to give, not their heirs. -This S. of A. here owns its buildings built it by subscription. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXI. - -The spirit of wrath--not the words--is the sin; and the spirit of wrath -is cursing. We begin to swear before we can talk. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -November 11. On the road. This train-express goes twenty and one-half -miles an hour, schedule time; but it is fast enough, the outlook upon sea -and land is so interesting, and the cars so comfortable. They are not -English, and not American; they are the Swiss combination of the two. A -narrow and railed porch along the side, where a person can walk up and -down. A lavatory in each car. This is progress; this is nineteenth- -century spirit. In New Zealand, these fast expresses run twice a week. -It is well to know this if you want to be a bird and fly through the -country at a 20-mile gait; otherwise you may start on one of the five -wrong days, and then you will get a train that can't overtake its own -shadow. - -By contrast, these pleasant cars call to mind the branch-road cars at -Maryborough, Australia, and the passengers' talk about the branch-road -and the hotel. - -Somewhere on the road to Maryborough I changed for a while to a smoking- -carriage. There were two gentlemen there; both riding backward, one at -each end of the compartment. They were acquaintances of each other. I -sat down facing the one that sat at the starboard window. He had a good -face, and a friendly look, and I judged from his dress that he was a -dissenting minister. He was along toward fifty. Of his own motion he -struck a match, and shaded it with his hand for me to light my cigar. I -take the rest from my diary: - -In order to start conversation I asked him something about Maryborough. -He said, in a most pleasant--even musical voice, but with quiet and -cultured decision: - -"It's a charming town, with a hell of a hotel." - -I was astonished. It seemed so odd to hear a minister swear out loud. -He went placidly on: - -"It's the worst hotel in Australia. Well, one may go further, and say in -Australasia." - -"Bad beds?" - -"No--none at all. Just sand-bags." - -"The pillows, too?" - -"Yes, the pillows, too. Just sand. And not a good quality of sand. It -packs too hard, and has never been screened. There is too much gravel in -it. It is like sleeping on nuts." - -"Isn't there any good sand?" - -"Plenty of it. There is as good bed-sand in this region as the world can -furnish. Aerated sand--and loose; but they won't buy it. They want -something that will pack solid, and petrify." - -"How are the rooms?" - -"Eight feet square; and a sheet of iced oil-cloth to step on in the -morning when you get out of the sand-quarry." - -"As to lights?" - -"Coal-oil lamp." - -"A good one?" - -"No. It's the kind that sheds a gloom." - -"I like a lamp that burns all night." - -"This one won't. You must blow it out early." - -"That is bad. One might want it again in the night. Can't find it in -the dark." - -"There's no trouble; you can find it by the stench." - -"Wardrobe?" - -"Two nails on the door to hang seven suits of clothes on if you've got -them." - -"Bells?" - -"There aren't any." - -"What do you do when you want service?" - -"Shout. But it won't fetch anybody." - -"Suppose you want the chambermaid to empty the slopjar?" - -"There isn't any slop-jar. The hotels don't keep them. That is, outside -of Sydney and Melbourne." - -"Yes, I knew that. I was only talking. It's the oddest thing in -Australia. Another thing: I've got to get up in the dark, in the -morning, to take the 5 o'clock train. Now if the boots----" - -"There isn't any." - -"Well, the porter." - -"There isn't any." - -"But who will call me?" - -"Nobody. You'll call yourself. And you'll light yourself, too. -There'll not be a light burning in the halls or anywhere. And if you -don't carry a light, you'll break your neck." - -"But who will help me down with my baggage?" - -"Nobody. However, I will tell you what to do. In Maryborough there's an -American who has lived there half a lifetime; a fine man, and prosperous -and popular. He will be on the lookout for you; you won't have any -trouble. Sleep in peace; he will rout you out, and you will make your -train. Where is your manager?" - -"I left him at Ballarat, studying the language. And besides, he had to -go to Melbourne and get us ready for New Zealand. I've not tried to -pilot myself before, and it doesn't look easy." - -"Easy! You've selected the very most difficult piece of railroad in -Australia for your experiment. There are twelve miles of this road which -no man without good executive ability can ever hope--tell me, have you -good executive ability? first-rate executive ability?" - -"I--well, I think so, but----" - -"That settles it. The tone of----oh, you wouldn't ever make it in the -world. However, that American will point you right, and you'll go. -You've got tickets?" - -"Yes--round trip; all the way to Sydney." - -"Ah, there it is, you see! You are going in the 5 o'clock by -Castlemaine--twelve miles--instead of the 7.15 by Ballarat--in order to -save two hours of fooling along the road. Now then, don't interrupt--let -me have the floor. You're going to save the government a deal of -hauling, but that's nothing; your ticket is by Ballarat, and it isn't -good over that twelve miles, and so----" - -"But why should the government care which way I go?" - -"Goodness knows! Ask of the winds that far away with fragments strewed -the sea, as the boy that stood on the burning deck used to say. The -government chooses to do its railway business in its own way, and it -doesn't know as much about it as the French. In the beginning they tried -idiots; then they imported the French--which was going backwards, you -see; now it runs the roads itself--which is going backwards again, you -see. Why, do you know, in order to curry favor with the voters, the -government puts down a road wherever anybody wants it--anybody that owns -two sheep and a dog; and by consequence we've got, in the colony of -Victoria, 800 railway stations, and the business done at eighty of them -doesn't foot up twenty shillings a week." - -"Five dollars? Oh, come!" - -"It's true. It's the absolute truth." - -"Why, there are three or four men on wages at every station." - -"I know it. And the station-business doesn't pay for the sheep-dip to -sanctify their coffee with. It's just as I say. And accommodating? -Why, if you shake a rag the train will stop in the midst of the -wilderness to pick you up. All that kind of politics costs, you see. -And then, besides, any town that has a good many votes and wants a fine -station, gets it. Don't you overlook that Maryborough station, if you -take an interest in governmental curiosities. Why, you can put the whole -population of Maryborough into it, and give them a sofa apiece, and have -room for more. You haven't fifteen stations in America that are as big, -and you probably haven't five that are half as fine. Why, it's per- -fectly elegant. And the clock! Everybody will show yon the clock. -There isn't a station in Europe that's got such a clock. It doesn't -strike--and that's one mercy. It hasn't any bell; and as you'll have -cause to remember, if you keep your reason, all Australia is simply -bedamned with bells. On every quarter-hour, night and day, they jingle a -tiresome chime of half a dozen notes--all the clocks in town at once, all -the clocks in Australasia at once, and all the very same notes; first, -downward scale: mi, re, do, sol--then upward scale: sol, si, re, do--down -again: mi, re, do, sol--up again: sol, si, re, do--then the clock--say at -midnight clang--clang--clang--clang--clang-clang--clang--clang--clang-- -clang----and, by that time you're--hello, what's all this excitement -about? a runaway--scared by the train; why, you think this train could -scare anything. Well, when they build eighty stations at a loss and a -lot of palace-stations and clocks like Maryborough's at another loss, the -government has got to economize somewhere hasn't it? Very well look at -the rolling stock. That's where they save the money. Why, that train -from Maryborough will consist of eighteen freight-cars and two passenger- -kennels; cheap, poor, shabby, slovenly; no drinking water, no sanitary -arrangements, every imaginable inconvenience; and slow?--oh, the gait of -cold molasses; no air-brake, no springs, and they'll jolt your head off -every time they start or stop. That's where they make their little -economies, you see. They spend tons of money to house you palatially -while you wait fifteen minutes for a train, then degrade you to six -hours' convict-transportation to get the foolish outlay back. What a -rational man really needs is discomfort while he's waiting, then his -journey in a nice train would be a grateful change. But no, that would -be common sense--and out of place in a government. And then, besides, -they save in that other little detail, you know--repudiate their own -tickets, and collect a poor little illegitimate extra shilling out of you -for that twelve miles, and----" - -"Well, in any case----" - -"Wait--there's more. Leave that American out of the account and see what -would happen. There's nobody on hand to examine your ticket when you -arrive. But the conductor will come and examine it when the train is -ready to start. It is too late to buy your extra ticket now; the train -can't wait, and won't. You must climb out." - -"But can't I pay the conductor?" - -"No, he is not authorized to receive the money, and he won't. You must -climb out. There's no other way. I tell you, the railway management is -about the only thoroughly European thing here--continentally European I -mean, not English. It's the continental business in perfection; down -fine. Oh, yes, even to the peanut-commerce of weighing baggage." - -The train slowed up at his place. As he stepped out he said: - -"Yes, you'll like Maryborough. Plenty of intelligence there. It's a -charming place--with a hell of a hotel." - -Then he was gone. I turned to the other gentleman: - -"Is your friend in the ministry?" - -"No--studying for it." - - - - -CHAPTER XXXII. - -The man with a new idea is a Crank until the idea succeeds. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -It was Junior England all the way to Christchurch--in fact, just a -garden. And Christchurch is an English town, with an English-park annex, -and a winding English brook just like the Avon--and named the Avon; but -from a man, not from Shakespeare's river. Its grassy banks are bordered -by the stateliest and most impressive weeping willows to be found in the -world, I suppose. They continue the line of a great ancestor; they were -grown from sprouts of the willow that sheltered Napoleon's grave in St. -Helena. It is a settled old community, with all the serenities, the -graces, the conveniences, and the comforts of the ideal home-life. If it -had an established Church and social inequality it would be England over -again with hardly a lack. - -In the museum we saw many curious and interesting things; among others a -fine native house of the olden time, with all the details true to the -facts, and the showy colors right and in their proper places. All the -details: the fine mats and rugs and things; the elaborate and wonderful -wood carvings--wonderful, surely, considering who did them wonderful in -design and particularly in execution, for they were done with admirable -sharpness and exactness, and yet with no better tools than flint and jade -and shell could furnish; and the totem-posts were there, ancestor above -ancestor, with tongues protruded and hands clasped comfortably over -bellies containing other people's ancestors--grotesque and ugly devils, -every one, but lovingly carved, and ably; and the stuffed natives were -present, in their proper places, and looking as natural as life; and the -housekeeping utensils were there, too, and close at hand the carved and -finely ornamented war canoe. - -And we saw little jade gods, to hang around the neck--not everybody's, -but sacred to the necks of natives of rank. Also jade weapons, and many -kinds of jade trinkets--all made out of that excessively hard stone -without the help of any tool of iron. And some of these things had small -round holes bored through them--nobody knows how it was done; a mystery, -a lost art. I think it was said that if you want such a hole bored in a -piece of jade now, you must send it to London or Amsterdam where the -lapidaries are. - -Also we saw a complete skeleton of the giant Moa. It stood ten feet -high, and must have been a sight to look at when it was a living bird. -It was a kicker, like the ostrich; in fight it did not use its beak, but -its foot. It must have been a convincing kind of kick. If a person had -his back to the bird and did not see who it was that did it, he would -think he had been kicked by a wind-mill. - -There must have been a sufficiency of moas in the old forgotten days when -his breed walked the earth. His bones are found in vast masses, all -crammed together in huge graves. They are not in caves, but in the -ground. Nobody knows how they happened to get concentrated there. Mind, -they are bones, not fossils. This means that the moa has not been -extinct very long. Still, this is the only New Zealand creature which -has no mention in that otherwise comprehensive literature, the native -legends. This is a significant detail, and is good circumstantial -evidence that the moa has been extinct 500 years, since the Maori has -himself--by tradition--been in New Zealand since the end of the fifteenth -century. He came from an unknown land--the first Maori did--then sailed -back in his canoe and brought his tribe, and they removed the aboriginal -peoples into the sea and into the ground and took the land. That is the -tradition. That that first Maori could come, is understandable, for -anybody can come to a place when he isn't trying to; but how that -discoverer found his way back home again without a compass is his secret, -and he died with it in him. His language indicates that he came from -Polynesia. He told where he came from, but he couldn't spell well, so -one can't find the place on the map, because people who could spell -better than he could, spelt the resemblance all out of it when they made -the map. However, it is better to have a map that is spelt right than -one that has information in it. - -In New Zealand women have the right to vote for members of the -legislature, but they cannot be members themselves. The law extending -the suffrage to them event into effect in 1893. The population of -Christchurch (census of 1891) was 31,454. The first election under the -law was held in November of that year. Number of men who voted, 6,313; -number of women who voted, 5,989. These figures ought to convince us -that women are not as indifferent about politics as some people would -have us believe. In New Zealand as a whole, the estimated adult female -population was 139,915; of these 109,461 qualified and registered their -names on the rolls 78.23 per cent. of the whole. Of these, 90,290 went -to the polls and voted--85.18 per cent. Do men ever turn out better than -that--in America or elsewhere? Here is a remark to the other sex's -credit, too--I take it from the official report: - -"A feature of the election was the orderliness and sobriety of the -people. Women were in no way molested." - -At home, a standing argument against woman suffrage has always been that -women could not go to the polls without being insulted. The arguments -against woman suffrage have always taken the easy form of prophecy. The -prophets have been prophesying ever since the woman's rights movement -began in 1848--and in forty-seven years they have never scored a hit. - -Men ought to begin to feel a sort of respect for their mothers and wives -and sisters by this time. The women deserve a change of attitude like -that, for they have wrought well. In forty-seven years they have swept -an imposingly large number of unfair laws from the statute books of -America. In that brief time these serfs have set themselves free -essentially. Men could not have done so much for themselves in that time -without bloodshed--at least they never have; and that is argument that -they didn't know how. The women have accomplished a peaceful revolution, -and a very beneficent one; and yet that has not convinced the average man -that they are intelligent, and have courage and energy and perseverance -and fortitude. It takes much to convince the average man of anything; -and perhaps nothing can ever make him realize that he is the average -woman's inferior--yet in several important details the evidences seems to -show that that is what he is. Man has ruled the human race from the -beginning--but he should remember that up to the middle of the present -century it was a dull world, and ignorant and stupid; but it is not such -a dull world now, and is growing less and less dull all the time. This -is woman's opportunity--she has had none before. I wonder where man will -be in another forty-seven years? - -In the New Zealand law occurs this: "The word person wherever it occurs -throughout the Act includes woman." - -That is promotion, you see. By that enlargement of the word, the matron -with the garnered wisdom and experience of fifty years becomes at one -jump the political equal of her callow kid of twenty-one. The white -population of the colony is 626,000, the Maori population is 42,000. The -whites elect seventy members of the House of Representatives, the Maoris -four. The Maori women vote for their four members. - -November 16. After four pleasant days in Christchurch, we are to leave -at midnight to-night. Mr. Kinsey gave me an ornithorhynchus, and I am -taming it. - -Sunday, 17th. Sailed last night in the Flora, from Lyttelton. - -So we did. I remember it yet. The people who sailed in the Flora that -night may forget some other things if they live a good while, but they -will not live long, enough to forget that. The Flora is about the -equivalent of a cattle-scow; but when the Union Company find it -inconvenient to keep a contract and lucrative to break it, they smuggle -her into passenger service, and "keep the change." - -They give no notice of their projected depredation; you innocently buy -tickets for the advertised passenger boat, and when you get down to -Lyttelton at midnight, you find that they have substituted the scow. -They have plenty of good boats, but no competition--and that is the -trouble. It is too late now to make other arrangements if you have -engagements ahead. - -It is a powerful company, it has a monopoly, and everybody is afraid of -it--including the government's representative, who stands at the end of -the stage-plank to tally the passengers and see that no boat receives a -greater number than the law allows her to carry. This conveniently-blind -representative saw the scow receive a number which was far in excess of -its privilege, and winked a politic wink and said nothing. The -passengers bore with meekness the cheat which had been put upon them, and -made no complaint. - -It was like being at home in America, where abused passengers act in just -the same way. A few days before, the Union Company had discharged a -captain for getting a boat into danger, and had advertised this act as -evidence of its vigilance in looking after the safety of the passengers-- -for thugging a captain costs the company nothing, but when opportunity -offered to send this dangerously overcrowded tub to sea and save a little -trouble and a tidy penny by it, it forgot to worry about the passenger's -safety. - -The first officer told me that the Flora was privileged to carry 125 -passengers. She must have had all of 200 on board. All the cabins were -full, all the cattle-stalls in the main stable were full, the spaces at -the heads of companionways were full, every inch of floor and table in -the swill-room was packed with sleeping men and remained so until the -place was required for breakfast, all the chairs and benches on the -hurricane deck were occupied, and still there were people who had to walk -about all night! - -If the Flora had gone down that night, half of the people on board would -have been wholly without means of escape. - -The owners of that boat were not technically guilty of conspiracy to -commit murder, but they were morally guilty of it. - -I had a cattle-stall in the main stable--a cavern fitted up with a long -double file of two-storied bunks, the files separated by a calico -partition--twenty men and boys on one side of it, twenty women and girls -on the other. The place was as dark as the soul of the Union Company, -and smelt like a kennel. When the vessel got out into the heavy seas and -began to pitch and wallow, the cavern prisoners became immediately -seasick, and then the peculiar results that ensued laid all my previous -experiences of the kind well away in the shade. And the wails, the -groans, the cries, the shrieks, the strange ejaculations--it was -wonderful. - -The women and children and some of the men and boys spent the night in -that place, for they were too ill to leave it; but the rest of us got up, -by and by, and finished the night on the hurricane-deck. - -That boat was the foulest I was ever in; and the smell of the breakfast -saloon when we threaded our way among the layers of steaming passengers -stretched upon its floor and its tables was incomparable for efficiency. - -A good many of us got ashore at the first way-port to seek another ship. -After a wait of three hours we got good rooms in the Mahinapua, a wee -little bridal-parlor of a boat--only 205 tons burthen; clean and -comfortable; good service; good beds; good table, and no crowding. The -seas danced her about like a duck, but she was safe and capable. - -Next morning early she went through the French Pass--a narrow gateway of -rock, between bold headlands--so narrow, in fact, that it seemed no wider -than a street. The current tore through there like a mill-race, and the -boat darted through like a telegram. The passage was made in half a -minute; then we were in a wide place where noble vast eddies swept -grandly round and round in shoal water, and I wondered what they would do -with the little boat. They did as they pleased with her. They picked -her up and flung her around like nothing and landed her gently on the -solid, smooth bottom of sand--so gently, indeed, that we barely felt her -touch it, barely felt her quiver when she came to a standstill. The -water was as clear as glass, the sand on the bottom was vividly distinct, -and the fishes seemed to be swimming about in nothing. Fishing lines -were brought out, but before we could bait the hooks the boat was off and -away again. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXIII. - -Let us be grateful to Adam our benefactor. He cut us out of the -"blessing of idleness and won for us the "curse" of labor. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -We soon reached the town of Nelson, and spent the most of the day there, -visiting acquaintances and driving with them about the garden--the whole -region is a garden, excepting the scene of the "Maungatapu Murders," of -thirty years ago. That is a wild place--wild and lonely; an ideal place -for a murder. It is at the base of a vast, rugged, densely timbered -mountain. In the deep twilight of that forest solitude four desperate -rascals--Burgess, Sullivan, Levy, and Kelley--ambushed themselves beside -the mountain-trail to murder and rob four travelers--Kempthorne, Mathieu, -Dudley, and De Pontius, the latter a New Yorker. A harmless old laboring -man came wandering along, and as his presence was an embarrassment, they -choked him, hid him, and then resumed their watch for the four. They had -to wait a while, but eventually everything turned out as they desired. - -That dark episode is the one large event in the history of Nelson. The -fame of it traveled far. Burgess made a confession. It is a remarkable -paper. For brevity, succinctness, and concentration, it is perhaps -without its peer in the literature of murder. There are no waste words -in it; there is no obtrusion of matter not pertinent to the occasion, nor -any departure from the dispassionate tone proper to a formal business -statement--for that is what it is: a business statement of a murder, by -the chief engineer of it, or superintendent, or foreman, or whatever one -may prefer to call him. - - "We were getting impatient, when we saw four men and a pack-horse - coming. I left my cover and had a look at the men, for Levy had - told me that Mathieu was a small man and wore a large beard, and - that it was a chestnut horse. I said, 'Here they come.' They were - then a good distance away; I took the caps off my gun, and put fresh - ones on. I said, 'You keep where you are, I'll put them up, and you - give me your gun while you tie them.' It was arranged as I have - described. The men came; they arrived within about fifteen yards - when I stepped up and said, 'Stand! bail up!' That means all of - them to get together. I made them fall back on the upper side of - the road with their faces up the range, and Sullivan brought me his - gun, and then tied their hands behind them. The horse was very - quiet all the time, he did not move. When they were all tied, - Sullivan took the horse up the hill, and put him in the bush; he cut - the rope and let the swags'--[A "swag" is a kit, a pack, small - baggage.]--fall on the ground, and then came to me. We then marched - the men down the incline to the creek; the water at this time barely - running. Up this creek we took the men; we went, I daresay, five or - six hundred yards up it, which took us nearly half-an-hour to - accomplish. Then we turned to the right up the range; we went, I - daresay, one hundred and fifty yards from the creek, and there we - sat down with the men. I said to Sullivan, 'Put down your gun and - search these men,' which he did. I asked them their several names; - they told me. I asked them if they were expected at Nelson. They - said, 'No.' If such their lives would have been spared. In money - we took L60 odd. I said, 'Is this all you have? You had better - tell me.' Sullivan said, 'Here is a bag of gold.' I said, 'What's on - that pack-horse? Is there any gold ?' when Kempthorne said, 'Yes, - my gold is in the portmanteau, and I trust you will not take it - all.' 'Well,' I said, 'we must take you away one at a time, because - the range is steep just here, and then we will let you go.' They - said, 'All right,' most cheerfully. We tied their feet, and took - Dudley with us; we went about sixty yards with him. This was - through a scrub. It was arranged the night previously that it would - be best to choke them, in case the report of the arms might be heard - from the road, and if they were missed they never would be found. - So we tied a handkerchief over his eyes, when Sullivan took the sash - off his waist, put it round his neck, and so strangled him. - Sullivan, after I had killed the old laboring man, found fault with - the way he was choked. He said, 'The next we do I'll show you my - way.' I said, 'I have never done such a thing before. I have shot - a man, but never choked one.' We returned to the others, when - Kempthorne said, 'What noise was that?' I said it was caused by - breaking through the scrub. This was taking too much time, so it - was agreed to shoot them. With that I said, 'We'll take you no - further, but separate you, and then loose one of you, and he can - relieve the others.' So with that, Sullivan took De Pontius to the - left of where Kempthorne was sitting. I took Mathieu to the right. - I tied a strap round his legs, and shot him with a revolver. He - yelled, I ran from him with my gun in my hand, I sighted Kempthorne, - who had risen to his feet. I presented the gun, and shot him behind - the right ear; his life's blood welled from him, and he died - instantaneously. Sullivan had shot. De Pontius in the meantime, - and then came to me. I said, 'Look to Mathieu,' indicating the spot - where he lay. He shortly returned and said, 'I had to "chiv" that - fellow, he was not dead,' a cant word, meaning that he had to stab - him. Returning to the road we passed where De Pontius lay and was - dead. Sullivan said, 'This is the digger, the others were all - storekeepers; this is the digger, let's cover him up, for should the - others be found, they'll think he done it and sloped,' meaning he - had gone. So with that we threw all the stones on him, and then - left him. This bloody work took nearly an hour and a half from the - time we stopped the men." - -Anyone who reads that confession will think that the man who wrote it was -destitute of emotions, destitute of feeling. That is partly true. As -regarded others he was plainly without feeling--utterly cold and -pitiless; but as regarded himself the case was different. While he cared -nothing for the future of the murdered men, he cared a great deal for his -own. It makes one's flesh creep to read the introduction to his -confession. The judge on the bench characterized it as "scandalously -blasphemous," and it certainly reads so, but Burgess meant no blasphemy. -He was merely a brute, and whatever he said or wrote was sure to expose -the fact. His redemption was a very real thing to him, and he was as -jubilantly happy on the gallows as ever was Christian martyr at the -stake. We dwellers in this world are strangely made, and mysteriously -circumstanced. We have to suppose that the murdered men are lost, and -that Burgess is saved; but we cannot suppress our natural regrets. - - "Written in my dungeon drear this 7th of August, in the year of - Grace, 1866. To God be ascribed all power and glory in subduing the - rebellious spirit of a most guilty wretch, who has been brought, - through the instrumentality of a faithful follower of Christ, to see - his wretched and guilty state, inasmuch as hitherto he has led an - awful and wretched life, and through the assurance of this faithful - soldier of Christ, he has been led and also believes that Christ - will yet receive and cleanse him from all his deep-dyed and bloody - sins. I lie under the imputation which says, 'Come now and let us - reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, - they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, - they shall be as wool.' On this promise I rely." - -We sailed in the afternoon late, spent a few hours at New Plymouth, then -sailed again and reached Auckland the next day, November 20th, and -remained in that fine city several days. Its situation is commanding, -and the sea-view is superb. There are charming drives all about, and by -courtesy of friends we had opportunity to enjoy them. From the grassy -crater-summit of Mount Eden one's eye ranges over a grand sweep and -variety of scenery--forests clothed in luxuriant foliage, rolling green -fields, conflagrations of flowers, receding and dimming stretches of -green plain, broken by lofty and symmetrical old craters--then the blue -bays twinkling and sparkling away into the dreamy distances where the -mountains loom spiritual in their veils of haze. - -It is from Auckland that one goes to Rotorua, the region of the renowned -hot lakes and geysers--one of the chief wonders of New Zealand; but I was -not well enough to make the trip. The government has a sanitorium there, -and everything is comfortable for the tourist and the invalid. The -government's official physician is almost over-cautious in his estimates -of the efficacy of the baths, when he is talking about rheumatism, gout, -paralysis, and such things; but when he is talking about the -effectiveness of the waters in eradicating the whisky-habit, he seems to -have no reserves. The baths will cure the drinking-habit no matter how -chronic it is--and cure it so effectually that even the desire to drink -intoxicants will come no more. There should be a rush from Europe and -America to that place; and when the victims of alcoholism find out what -they can get by going there, the rush will begin. - -The Thermal-springs District of New Zealand comprises an area of upwards -of 600,000 acres, or close on 1,000 square miles. Rotorua is the -favorite place. It is the center of a rich field of lake and mountain -scenery; from Rotorua as a base the pleasure-seeker makes excursions. -The crowd of sick people is great, and growing. Rotorua is the Carlsbad -of Australasia. - -It is from Auckland that the Kauri gum is shipped. For a long time now -about 8,000 tons of it have been brought into the town per year. It is -worth about $300 per ton, unassorted; assorted, the finest grades are -worth about $1,000. It goes to America, chiefly. It is in lumps, and is -hard and smooth, and looks like amber--the light-colored like new amber, -and the dark brown like rich old amber. And it has the pleasant feel of -amber, too. Some of the light-colored samples were a tolerably fair -counterfeit of uncut South African diamonds, they were so perfectly -smooth and polished and transparent. It is manufactured into varnish; a -varnish which answers for copal varnish and is cheaper. - -The gum is dug up out of the ground; it has been there for ages. It is -the sap of the Kauri tree. Dr. Campbell of Auckland told me he sent a -cargo of it to England fifty years ago, but nothing came of the venture. -Nobody knew what to do with it; so it was sold at 15 a ton, to light -fires with. - -November 26--3 P.M., sailed. Vast and beautiful harbor. Land all about -for hours. Tangariwa, the mountain that "has the same shape from every -point of view." That is the common belief in Auckland. And so it has-- -from every point of view except thirteen. Perfect summer weather. Large -school of whales in the distance. Nothing could be daintier than the -puffs of vapor they spout up, when seen against the pink glory of the -sinking sun, or against the dark mass of an island reposing in the deep -blue shadow of a storm cloud . . . . Great Barrier rock standing up -out of the sea away to the left. Sometime ago a ship hit it full speed -in a fog--20 miles out of her course--140 lives lost; the captain -committed suicide without waiting a moment. He knew that, whether he was -to blame or not, the company owning the vessel would discharge him and -make a devotion--to--passengers' safety advertisement out of it, and his -chance to make a livelihood would be permanently gone. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXIV. - -Let us not be too particular. It is better to have old second-hand -diamonds than none at all. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -November 27. To-day we reached Gisborne, and anchored in a big bay; -there was a heavy sea on, so we remained on board. - -We were a mile from shore; a little steam-tug put out from the land; she -was an object of thrilling interest; she would climb to the summit of a -billow, reel drunkenly there a moment, dim and gray in the driving storm -of spindrift, then make a plunge like a diver and remain out of sight -until one had given her up, then up she would dart again, on a steep -slant toward the sky, shedding Niagaras of water from her forecastle--and -this she kept up, all the way out to us. She brought twenty-five -passengers in her stomach--men and women mainly a traveling dramatic -company. In sight on deck were the crew, in sou'westers, yellow -waterproof canvas suits, and boots to the thigh. The deck was never -quiet for a moment, and seldom nearer level than a ladder, and noble were -the seas which leapt aboard and went flooding aft. We rove a long line -to the yard-arm, hung a most primitive basketchair to it and swung it out -into the spacious air of heaven, and there it swayed, pendulum-fashion, -waiting for its chance--then down it shot, skillfully aimed, and was -grabbed by the two men on the forecastle. A young fellow belonging to -our crew was in the chair, to be a protection to the lady-comers. At -once a couple of ladies appeared from below, took seats in his lap, we -hoisted them into the sky, waited a moment till the roll of the ship -brought them in overhead, then we lowered suddenly away, and seized the -chair as it struck the deck. We took the twenty-five aboard, and -delivered twenty-five into the tug--among them several aged ladies, and -one blind one--and all without accident. It was a fine piece of work. - -Ours is a nice ship, roomy, comfortable, well-ordered, and satisfactory. -Now and then we step on a rat in a hotel, but we have had no rats on -shipboard lately; unless, perhaps in the Flora; we had more serious -things to think of there, and did not notice. I have noticed that it is -only in ships and hotels which still employ the odious Chinese gong, that -you find rats. The reason would seem to be, that as a rat cannot tell -the time of day by a clock, he won't stay where he cannot find out when -dinner is ready. - -November 29. The doctor tells me of several old drunkards, one -spiritless loafer, and several far-gone moral wrecks who have been -reclaimed by the Salvation Army and have remained staunch people and hard -workers these two years. Wherever one goes, these testimonials to the -Army's efficiency are forthcoming . . . . This morning we had one of -those whizzing green Ballarat flies in the room, with his stunning buzz- -saw noise--the swiftest creature in the world except the lightning-flash. -It is a stupendous force that is stored up in that little body. If we -had it in a ship in the same proportion, we could spin from Liverpool to -New York in the space of an hour--the time it takes to eat luncheon. The -New Zealand express train is called the Ballarat Fly . . . . Bad -teeth in the colonies. A citizen told me they don't have teeth filled, -but pull them out and put in false ones, and that now and then one sees a -young lady with a full set. She is fortunate. I wish I had been born -with false teeth and a false liver and false carbuncles. I should get -along better. - -December 2. Monday. Left Napier in the Ballarat Fly the one that goes -twice a week. From Napier to Hastings, twelve miles; time, fifty-five -minutes--not so far short of thirteen miles an hour . . . . A perfect -summer day; cool breeze, brilliant sky, rich vegetation. Two or three -times during the afternoon we saw wonderfully dense and beautiful -forests, tumultuously piled skyward on the broken highlands--not the -customary roof-like slant of a hillside, where the trees are all the same -height. The noblest of these trees were of the Kauri breed, we were told -the timber that is now furnishing the wood-paving for Europe, and is the -best of all wood for that purpose. Sometimes these towering upheavals of -forestry were festooned and garlanded with vine-cables, and sometimes the -masses of undergrowth were cocooned in another sort of vine of a delicate -cobwebby texture--they call it the "supplejack," I think. Tree ferns -everywhere--a stem fifteen feet high, with a graceful chalice of fern- -fronds sprouting from its top--a lovely forest ornament. And there was a -ten-foot reed with a flowing suit of what looked like yellow hair hanging -from its upper end. I do not know its name, but if there is such a thing -as a scalp-plant, this is it. A romantic gorge, with a brook flowing in -its bottom, approaching Palmerston North. - -Waitukurau. Twenty minutes for luncheon. With me sat my wife and -daughter, and my manager, Mr. Carlyle Smythe. I sat at the head of the -table, and could see the right-hand wall; the others had their backs to -it. On that wall, at a good distance away, were a couple of framed -pictures. I could not see them clearly, but from the groupings of the -figures I fancied that they represented the killing of Napoleon III's son -by the Zulus in South Africa. I broke into the conversation, which was -about poetry and cabbage and art, and said to my wife-- - -"Do you remember when the news came to Paris----" - -"Of the killing of the Prince?" - -(Those were the very words I had in my mind.) "Yes, but what Prince?" - -"Napoleon. Lulu." - -"What made you think of that?" - -"I don't know." - -There was no collusion. She had not seen the pictures, and they had not -been mentioned. She ought to have thought of some recent news that came -to Paris, for we were but seven months from there and had been living -there a couple of years when we started on this trip; but instead of that -she thought of an incident of our brief sojourn in Paris of sixteen years -before. - -Here was a clear case of mental telegraphy; of mind-transference; of my -mind telegraphing a thought into hers. How do I know? Because I -telegraphed an error. For it turned out that the pictures did not -represent the killing of Lulu at all, nor anything connected with Lulu. -She had to get the error from my head--it existed nowhere else. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXV. - -The Autocrat of Russia possesses more power than any other man in the -earth; but he cannot stop a sneeze. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -WAUGANIUI, December 3. A pleasant trip, yesterday, per Ballarat Fly. -Four hours. I do not know the distance, but it must have been well along -toward fifty miles. The Fly could have spun it out to eight hours and -not discommoded me; for where there is comfort, and no need for hurry, -speed is of no value--at least to me; and nothing that goes on wheels can -be more comfortable, more satisfactory, than the New Zealand trains. -Outside of America there are no cars that are so rationally devised. -When you add the constant presence of charming scenery and the nearly -constant absence of dust--well, if one is not content then, he ought to -get out and walk. That would change his spirit, perhaps? I think so. -At the end of an hour you would find him waiting humbly beside the track, -and glad to be taken aboard again. - -Much horseback riding, in and around this town; many comely girls in cool -and pretty summer gowns; much Salvation Army; lots of Maoris; the faces -and bodies of some of the old ones very tastefully frescoed. Maori -Council House over the river-large, strong, carpeted from end to end with -matting, and decorated with elaborate wood carvings, artistically -executed. The Maoris were very polite. - -I was assured by a member of the House of Representatives that the native -race is not decreasing, but actually increasing slightly. It is another -evidence that they are a superior breed of savages. I do not call to -mind any savage race that built such good houses, or such strong and -ingenious and scientific fortresses, or gave so much attention to -agriculture, or had military arts and devices which so nearly approached -the white man's. These, taken together with their high abilities in -boat-building, and their tastes and capacities in the ornamental arts -modify their savagery to a semi-civilization--or at least to, a quarter- -civilization. - -It is a compliment to them that the British did not exterminate them, as -they did the Australians and the Tasmanians, but were content with -subduing them, and showed no desire to go further. And it is another -compliment to them that the British did not take the whole of their -choicest lands, but left them a considerable part, and then went further -and protected them from the rapacities of landsharks--a protection which -the New Zealand Government still extends to them. And it is still -another compliment to the Maoris that the Government allows native -representation--in both the legislature and the cabinet, and gives both -sexes the vote. And in doing these things the Government also -compliments itself; it has not been the custom of the world for -conquerors to act in this large spirit toward the conquered. - -The highest class white men Who lived among the Maoris in the earliest -time had a high opinion of them and a strong affection for them. Among -the whites of this sort was the author of "Old New Zealand;" and Dr. -Campbell of Auckland was another. Dr. Campbell was a close friend of -several chiefs, and has many pleasant things to say of their fidelity, -their magnanimity, and their generosity. Also of their quaint notions -about the white man's queer civilization, and their equally quaint -comments upon it. One of them thought the missionary had got everything -wrong end first and upside down. "Why, he wants us to stop worshiping -and supplicating the evil gods, and go to worshiping and supplicating the -Good One! There is no sense in that. A good god is not going to do us -any harm." - -The Maoris had the tabu; and had it on a Polynesian scale of -comprehensiveness and elaboration. Some of its features could have been -importations from India and Judea. Neither the Maori nor the Hindoo of -common degree could cook by a fire that a person of higher caste had -used, nor could the high Maori or high Hindoo employ fire that had served -a man of low grade; if a low-grade Maori or Hindoo drank from a vessel -belonging to a high-grade man, the vessel was defiled, and had to be -destroyed. There were other resemblances between Maori tabu and Hindoo -caste-custom. - -Yesterday a lunatic burst into my quarters and warned me that the Jesuits -were going to "cook" (poison) me in my food, or kill me on the stage at -night. He said a mysterious sign was visible upon my posters and meant -my death. He said he saved Rev. Mr. Haweis's life by warning him that -there were three men on his platform who would kill him if he took his -eyes off them for a moment during his lecture. The same men were in my -audience last night, but they saw that he was there. "Will they be there -again to-night?" He hesitated; then said no, he thought they would -rather take a rest and chance the poison. This lunatic has no delicacy. -But he was not uninteresting. He told me a lot of things. He said he -had "saved so many lecturers in twenty years, that they put him in the -asylum." I think he has less refinement than any lunatic I have met. - -December 8. A couple of curious war-monuments here at Wanganui. One is -in honor of white men "who fell in defence of law and order against -fanaticism and barbarism." Fanaticism. We Americans are English in -blood, English in speech, English in religion, English in the essentials -of our governmental system, English in the essentials of our -civilization; and so, let us hope, for the honor of the blend, for the -honor of the blood, for the honor of the race, that that word got there -through lack of heedfulness, and will not be suffered to remain. If you -carve it at Thermopylae, or where Winkelried died, or upon Bunker Hill -monument, and read it again "who fell in defence of law and order against -fanaticism" you will perceive what the word means, and how mischosen it -is. Patriotism is Patriotism. Calling it Fanaticism cannot degrade it; -nothing can degrade it. Even though it be a political mistake, and a -thousand times a political mistake, that does not affect it; it is -honorable always honorable, always noble--and privileged to hold its head -up and look the nations in the face. It is right to praise these brave -white men who fell in the Maori war--they deserve it; but the presence of -that word detracts from the dignity of their cause and their deeds, and -makes them appear to have spilt their blood in a conflict with ignoble -men, men not worthy of that costly sacrifice. But the men were worthy. -It was no shame to fight them. They fought for their homes, they fought -for their country; they bravely fought and bravely fell; and it would -take nothing from the honor of the brave Englishmen who lie under the -monument, but add to it, to say that they died in defense of English laws -and English homes against men worthy of the sacrifice--the Maori -patriots. - -The other monument cannot be rectified. Except with dynamite. It is a -mistake all through, and a strangely thoughtless one. It is a monument -erected by white men to Maoris who fell fighting with the whites and -against their own people, in the Maori war. "Sacred to the memory of the -brave men who fell on the 14th of May, 1864," etc. On one side are the -names of about twenty Maoris. It is not a fancy of mine; the monument -exists. I saw it. It is an object-lesson to the rising generation. It -invites to treachery, disloyalty, unpatriotism. Its lesson, in frank -terms is, "Desert your flag, slay your people, burn their homes, shame -your nationality--we honor such." - -December 9. Wellington. Ten hours from Wanganui by the Fly. -December 12. It is a fine city and nobly situated. A busy place, and -full of life and movement. Have spent the three days partly in walking -about, partly in enjoying social privileges, and largely in idling around -the magnificent garden at Hutt, a little distance away, around the shore. -I suppose we shall not see such another one soon. - -We are packing to-night for the return-voyage to Australia. Our stay in -New Zealand has been too brief; still, we are not unthankful for the -glimpse which we have had of it. - -The sturdy Maoris made the settlement of the country by the whites rather -difficult. Not at first--but later. At first they welcomed the whites, -and were eager to trade with them--particularly for muskets; for their -pastime was internecine war, and they greatly preferred the white man's -weapons to their own. War was their pastime--I use the word advisedly. -They often met and slaughtered each other just for a lark, and when there -was no quarrel. The author of "Old New Zealand" mentions a case where a -victorious army could have followed up its advantage and exterminated the -opposing army, but declined to do it; explaining naively that "if we did -that, there couldn't be any more fighting." In another battle one army -sent word that it was out of ammunition, and would be obliged to stop -unless the opposing army would send some. It was sent, and the fight -went on. - -In the early days things went well enough. The natives sold land without -clearly understanding the terms of exchange, and the whites bought it -without being much disturbed about the native's confusion of mind. But -by and by the Maori began to comprehend that he was being wronged; then -there was trouble, for he was not the man to swallow a wrong and go aside -and cry about it. He had the Tasmanian's spirit and endurance, and a -notable share of military science besides; and so he rose against the -oppressor, did this gallant "fanatic," and started a war that was not -brought to a definite end until more than a generation had sped. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXVI. - -There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is -cowardice. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwep is -pronounced Jackson. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Friday, December 13. Sailed, at 3 p.m., in the 'Mararoa'. Summer seas -and a good ship-life has nothing better. - -Monday. Three days of paradise. Warm and sunny and smooth; the sea a -luminous Mediterranean blue . . . . One lolls in a long chair all day -under deck-awnings, and reads and smokes, in measureless content. One -does not read prose at such a time, but poetry. I have been reading the -poems of Mrs. Julia A. Moore, again, and I find in them the same grace -and melody that attracted me when they were first published, twenty years -ago, and have held me in happy bonds ever since. - -"The Sentimental Song Book" has long been out of print, and has been -forgotten by the world in general, but not by me. I carry it with me -always--it and Goldsmith's deathless story. - -Indeed, it has the same deep charm for me that the Vicar of Wakefield -has, and I find in it the same subtle touch--the touch that makes an -intentionally humorous episode pathetic and an intentionally pathetic one -funny. In her time Mrs. Moore was called "the Sweet Singer of Michigan," -and was best known by that name. I have read her book through twice -today, with the purpose of determining which of her pieces has most -merit, and I am persuaded that for wide grasp and sustained power, -"William Upson" may claim first place - - -WILLIAM UPSON. - -Air--"The Major's Only Son." -Come all good people far and near, -Oh, come and see what you can hear, -It's of a young man true and brave, -That is now sleeping in his grave. - -Now, William Upson was his name -If it's not that, it's all the same -He did enlist in a cruel strife, -And it caused him to lose his life. - -He was Perry Upson's eldest son, -His father loved his noble son, -This son was nineteen years of age -When first in the rebellion he engaged. - -His father said that he might go, -But his dear mother she said no, -"Oh! stay at home, dear Billy," she said, -But she could not turn his head. - -He went to Nashville, in Tennessee, -There his kind friends he could not see; -He died among strangers, so far away, -They did not know where his body lay. - -He was taken sick and lived four weeks, -And Oh! how his parents weep, -But now they must in sorrow mourn, -For Billy has gone to his heavenly home. - -Oh! if his mother could have seen her son, -For she loved him, her darling son; -If she could heard his dying prayer, -It would ease her heart till she met him there - -How it would relieve his mother's heart -To see her son from this world depart, -And hear his noble words of love, -As he left this world for that above. - -Now it will relieve his mother's heart, -For her son is laid in our graveyard; -For now she knows that his grave is near, -She will not shed so many tears. - -Although she knows not that it was her son, -For his coffin could not be opened -It might be someone in his place, -For she could not see his noble face. - - -December, 17. Reached Sydney. - -December, 19. In the train. Fellow of 30 with four valises; a slim -creature, with teeth which made his mouth look like a neglected -churchyard. He had solidified hair--solidified with pomatum; it was all -one shell. He smoked the most extraordinary cigarettes--made of some -kind of manure, apparently. These and his hair made him smell like the -very nation. He had a low-cut vest on, which exposed a deal of frayed -and broken and unclean shirtfront. Showy studs, of imitation gold--they -had made black disks on the linen. Oversized sleeve buttons of imitation -gold, the copper base showing through. Ponderous watch-chain of -imitation gold. I judge that he couldn't tell the time by it, for he -asked Smythe what time it was, once. He wore a coat which had been gay -when it was young; 5-o'clock-tea-trousers of a light tint, and -marvelously soiled; yellow mustache with a dashing upward whirl at the -ends; foxy shoes, imitation patent leather. He was a novelty--an -imitation dude. He would have been a real one if he could have afforded -it. But he was satisfied with himself. You could see it in his -expression, and in all his attitudes and movements. He was living in a -dude dreamland where all his squalid shams were genuine, and himself a -sincerity. It disarmed criticism, it mollified spite, to see him so -enjoy his imitation languors, and arts, and airs, and his studied -daintinesses of gesture and misbegotten refinements. It was plain to me -that be was imagining himself the Prince of Wales, and was doing -everything the way he thought the Prince would do it. For bringing his -four valises aboard and stowing them in the nettings, he gave his porter -four cents, and lightly apologized for the smallness of the gratuity-- -just with the condescendingest little royal air in the world. He -stretched himself out on the front seat and rested his pomatum-cake on -the middle arm, and stuck his feet out of the window, and began to pose -as the Prince and work his dreams and languors for exhibition; and he -would indolently watch the blue films curling up from his cigarette, and -inhale the stench, and look so grateful; and would flip the ash away with -the daintiest gesture, unintentionally displaying his brass ring in the -most intentional way; why, it was as good as being in Marlborough House -itself to see him do it so like. - -There was other scenery in the trip. That of the Hawksbury river, in the -National Park region, fine--extraordinarily fine, with spacious views of -stream and lake imposingly framed in woody hills; and every now and then -the noblest groupings of mountains, and the most enchanting -rearrangements of the water effects. Further along, green flats, thinly -covered with gum forests, with here and there the huts and cabins of -small farmers engaged in raising children. Still further along, arid -stretches, lifeless and melancholy. Then Newcastle, a rushing town, -capital of the rich coal regions. Approaching Scone, wide farming and -grazing levels, with pretty frequent glimpses of a troublesome plant--a -particularly devilish little prickly pear, daily damned in the orisons of -the agriculturist; imported by a lady of sentiment, and contributed -gratis to the colony. Blazing hot, all day. - -December 20. Back to Sydney. Blazing hot again. From the newspaper, -and from the map, I have made a collection of curious names of -Australasian towns, with the idea of making a poem out of them: - -Tumut -Takee -Murriwillumba -Bowral -Ballarat -Mullengudgery -Murrurundi -Wagga-Wagga -Wyalong -Murrumbidgee -Goomeroo -Wolloway -Wangary -Wanilla -Worrow -Koppio -Yankalilla -Yaranyacka -Yackamoorundie -Kaiwaka -Coomooroo -Tauranga -Geelong -Tongariro -Kaikoura -Wakatipu -Oohipara -Waitpinga -Goelwa -Munno Para -Nangkita -Myponga -Kapunda -Kooringa -Penola -Nangwarry -Kongorong -Comaum -Koolywurtie -Killanoola -Naracoorte -Muloowurtie -Binnum -Wallaroo -Wirrega -Mundoora -Hauraki -Rangiriri -Teawamute -Taranaki -Toowoomba -Goondiwindi -Jerrilderie -Whangaroa -Wollongong -Woolloomooloo -Bombola -Coolgardie -Bendigo -Coonamble -Cootamundra -Woolgoolga - -Mittagong -Jamberoo -Kondoparinga -Kuitpo -Tungkillo -Oukaparinga -Talunga -Yatala -Parawirra -Moorooroo -Whangarei -Woolundunga -Booleroo -Pernatty -Parramatta -Taroom -Narrandera -Deniliquin -Kawakawa. - - -It may be best to build the poem now, and make the weather help - - A SWELTERING DAY IN AUSTRALIA. - - (To be read soft and low, with the lights turned down.) - - The Bombola faints in the hot Bowral tree, - Where fierce Mullengudgery's smothering fires - Far from the breezes of Coolgardie - Burn ghastly and blue as the day expires; - - And Murriwillumba complaineth in song - For the garlanded bowers of Woolloomooloo, - And the Ballarat Fly and the lone Wollongong - They dream of the gardens of Jamberoo; - - The wallabi sighs for the Murrubidgee, - For the velvety sod of the Munno Parah, - Where the waters of healing from Muloowurtie - Flow dim in the gloaming by Yaranyackah; - - The Koppio sorrows for lost Wolloway, - And sigheth in secret for Murrurundi, - The Whangeroo wombat lamenteth the day - That made him an exile from Jerrilderie; - - The Teawamute Tumut from Wirrega's glade, - The Nangkita swallow, the Wallaroo swan, - They long for the peace of the Timaru shade - And thy balmy soft airs, O sweet Mittagong! - - The Kooringa buffalo pants in the sun, - The Kondoparinga lies gaping for breath, - The Kongorong Camaum to the shadow has won, - But the Goomeroo sinks in the slumber of death; - - In the weltering hell of the Moorooroo plain - The Yatala Wangary withers and dies, - And the Worrow Wanilla, demented with pain, - To the Woolgoolga woodlands despairingly flies; - - Sweet Nangwarry's desolate, Coonamble wails, - And Tungkillo Kuito in sables is drest, - For the Whangerei winds fall asleep in the sails - And the Booleroo life-breeze is dead in the west. - - Mypongo, Kapunda, O slumber no more - Yankalilla, Parawirra, be warned - There's death in the air! - Killanoola, wherefore - Shall the prayer of Penola be scorned? - - Cootamundra, and Takee, and Wakatipu, - Toowoomba, Kaikoura are lost - From Onkaparinga to far Oamaru - All burn in this hell's holocaust! - - Paramatta and Binnum are gone to their rest - In the vale of Tapanni Taroom, - Kawakawa, Deniliquin--all that was best - In the earth are but graves and a tomb! - - Narrandera mourns, Cameron answers not - When the roll of the scathless we cry - Tongariro, Goondiwindi, Woolundunga, the spot - Is mute and forlorn where ye lie. - -Those are good words for poetry. Among the best I have ever seen. -There are 81 in the list. I did not need them all, but I have knocked -down 66 of them; which is a good bag, it seems to me, for a person not in -the business. Perhaps a poet laureate could do better, but a poet -laureate gets wages, and that is different. When I write poetry I do not -get any wages; often I lose money by it. The best word in that list, and -the most musical and gurgly, is Woolloomoolloo. It is a place near -Sydney, and is a favorite pleasure-resort. It has eight O's in it. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXVII. - -To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, -concealment of it will do. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -MONDAY,--December 23, 1895. Sailed from Sydney for Ceylon in the P. & O. -steamer 'Oceana'. A Lascar crew mans this ship--the first I have seen. -White cotton petticoat and pants; barefoot; red shawl for belt; straw -cap, brimless, on head, with red scarf wound around it; complexion a rich -dark brown; short straight black hair; whiskers fine and silky; lustrous -and intensely black. Mild, good faces; willing and obedient people; -capable, too; but are said to go into hopeless panics when there is -danger. They are from Bombay and the coast thereabouts. Left some of -the trunks in Sydney, to be shipped to South Africa by a vessel -advertised to sail three months hence. The proverb says: "Separate not -yourself from your baggage." - -This 'Oceana' is a stately big ship, luxuriously appointed. She has -spacious promenade decks. Large rooms; a surpassingly comfortable ship. -The officers' library is well selected; a ship's library is not usually -that . . . . For meals, the bugle call, man-of-war fashion; a -pleasant change from the terrible gong . . . . Three big cats--very -friendly loafers; they wander all over the ship; the white one follows -the chief steward around like a dog. There is also a basket of kittens. -One of these cats goes ashore, in port, in England, Australia, and India, -to see how his various families are getting along, and is seen no more -till the ship is ready to sail. No one knows how he finds out the -sailing date, but no doubt he comes down to the dock every day and takes -a look, and when he sees baggage and passengers flocking in, recognizes -that it is time to get aboard. This is what the sailors believe. The -Chief Engineer has been in the China and India trade thirty three years, -and has had but three Christmases at home in that time . . . . -Conversational items at dinner, "Mocha! sold all over the world! It is -not true. In fact, very few foreigners except the Emperor of Russia have -ever seen a grain of it, or ever will, while they live." Another man -said: "There is no sale in Australia for Australian wine. But it goes to -France and comes back with a French label on it, and then they buy it." -I have heard that the most of the French-labeled claret in New York is -made in California. And I remember what Professor S. told me once about -Veuve Cliquot--if that was the wine, and I think it was. He was the -guest of a great wine merchant whose town was quite near that vineyard, -and this merchant asked him if very much V. C. was drunk in America. - -"Oh, yes," said S., "a great abundance of it." - -"Is it easy to be had?" - -"Oh, yes--easy as water. All first and second-class hotels have it." - -"What do you pay for it?" - -"It depends on the style of the hotel--from fifteen to twenty-five francs -a bottle." - -"Oh, fortunate country! Why, it's worth 100 francs right here on the -ground." - -"No!" - -"Yes!" - -"Do you mean that we are drinking a bogus Veuve-Cliquot over there?" - -"Yes--and there was never a bottle of the genuine in America since -Columbus's time. That wine all comes from a little bit of a patch of -ground which isn't big enough to raise many bottles; and all of it that -is produced goes every year to one person--the Emperor of Russia. He -takes the whole crop in advance, be it big or little." - -January 4, 1898. Christmas in Melbourne, New Year's Day in Adelaide, -and saw most of the friends again in both places . . . . Lying here -at anchor all day--Albany (King George's Sound), Western Australia. It -is a perfectly landlocked harbor, or roadstead--spacious to look at, but -not deep water. Desolate-looking rocks and scarred hills. Plenty of -ships arriving now, rushing to the new gold-fields. The papers are full -of wonderful tales of the sort always to be heard in connection with new -gold diggings. A sample: a youth staked out a claim and tried to sell -half for L5; no takers; he stuck to it fourteen days, starving, then -struck it rich and sold out for L10,000. . . About sunset, strong -breeze blowing, got up the anchor. We were in a small deep puddle, with -a narrow channel leading out of it, minutely buoyed, to the sea. - -I stayed on deck to see how we were going to manage it with such a big -ship and such a strong wind. On the bridge our giant captain, in -uniform; at his side a little pilot in elaborately gold-laced uniform; on -the forecastle a white mate and quartermaster or two, and a brilliant -crowd of lascars standing by for business. Our stern was pointing -straight at the head of the channel; so we must turn entirely around in -the puddle--and the wind blowing as described. It was done, and -beautifully. It was done by help of a jib. We stirred up much mud, but -did not touch the bottom. We turned right around in our tracks--a -seeming impossibility. We had several casts of quarter-less 5, and one -cast of half 4--27 feet; we were drawing 26 astern. By the time we were -entirely around and pointed, the first buoy was not more than a hundred -yards in front of us. It was a fine piece of work, and I was the only -passenger that saw it. However, the others got their dinner; the P. & O. -Company got mine . . . . More cats developed. Smythe says it is a -British law that they must be carried; and he instanced a case of a ship -not allowed to sail till she sent for a couple. The bill came, too: -"Debtor, to 2 cats, 20 shillings." . . . News comes that within this -week Siam has acknowledged herself to be, in effect, a French province. -It seems plain that all savage and semi-civilized countries are going to -be grabbed . . . . A vulture on board; bald, red, queer-shaped head, -featherless red places here and there on his body, intense great black -eyes set in featherless rims of inflamed flesh; dissipated look; a -businesslike style, a selfish, conscienceless, murderous aspect--the very -look of a professional assassin, and yet a bird which does no murder. -What was the use of getting him up in that tragic style for so innocent a -trade as his? For this one isn't the sort that wars upon the living, his -diet is offal--and the more out of date it is the better he likes it. -Nature should give him a suit of rusty black; then he would be all right, -for he would look like an undertaker and would harmonize with his -business; whereas the way he is now he is horribly out of true. - -January 5. At 9 this morning we passed Cape Leeuwin (lioness) and -ceased from our long due-west course along the southern shore of -Australia. Turning this extreme southwestern corner, we now take a long -straight slant nearly N. W., without a break, for Ceylon. As we speed -northward it will grow hotter very fast--but it isn't chilly, now. . . . -The vulture is from the public menagerie at Adelaide--a great and -interesting collection. It was there that we saw the baby tiger solemnly -spreading its mouth and trying to roar like its majestic mother. It -swaggered, scowling, back and forth on its short legs just as it had seen -her do on her long ones, and now and then snarling viciously, exposing -its teeth, with a threatening lift of its upper lip and bristling -moustache; and when it thought it was impressing the visitors, it would -spread its mouth wide and do that screechy cry which it meant for a roar, -but which did not deceive. It took itself quite seriously, and was -lovably comical. And there was a hyena--an ugly creature; as ugly as the -tiger-kitty was pretty. It repeatedly arched its back and delivered -itself of such a human cry; a startling resemblance; a cry which was just -that of a grown person badly hurt. In the dark one would assuredly go to -its assistance--and be disappointed . . . . Many friends of -Australasian Federation on board. They feel sure that the good day is -not far off, now. But there seems to be a party that would go further-- -have Australasia cut loose from the British Empire and set up -housekeeping on her own hook. It seems an unwise idea. They point to -the United States, but it seems to me that the cases lack a good deal of -being alike. Australasia governs herself wholly--there is no -interference; and her commerce and manufactures are not oppressed in any -way. If our case had been the same we should not have gone out when we -did. - - -January 13. Unspeakably hot. The equator is arriving again. We are -within eight degrees of it. Ceylon present. Dear me, it is beautiful! -And most sumptuously tropical, as to character of foliage and opulence of -it. "What though the spicy breezes blow soft o'er Ceylon's isle"--an -eloquent line, an incomparable line; it says little, but conveys whole -libraries of sentiment, and Oriental charm and mystery, and tropic -deliciousness--a line that quivers and tingles with a thousand -unexpressed and inexpressible things, things that haunt one and find no -articulate voice . . . . Colombo, the capital. An Oriental town, -most manifestly; and fascinating. - -In this palatial ship the passengers dress for dinner. The ladies' -toilettes make a fine display of color, and this is in keeping with the -elegance of the vessel's furnishings and the flooding brilliancies of the -electric light. On the stormy Atlantic one never sees a man in evening -dress, except at the rarest intervals; and then there is only one, not -two; and he shows up but once on the voyage--the night before the ship -makes port--the night when they have the "concert" and do the amateur -wailings and recitations. He is the tenor, as a rule . . . . There -has been a deal of cricket-playing on board; it seems a queer game for a -ship, but they enclose the promenade deck with nettings and keep the ball -from flying overboard, and the sport goes very well, and is properly -violent and exciting . . . . We must part from this vessel here. - -January 14. Hotel Bristol. Servant Brompy. Alert, gentle, smiling, -winning young brown creature as ever was. Beautiful shining black hair -combed back like a woman's, and knotted at the back of his head-- -tortoise-shell comb in it, sign that he is a Singhalese; slender, shapely -form; jacket; under it is a beltless and flowing white cotton gown--from -neck straight to heel; he and his outfit quite unmasculine. It was an -embarassment to undress before him. - -We drove to the market, using the Japanese jinriksha--our first -acquaintanceship with it. It is a light cart, with a native to draw it. -He makes good speed for half-an-hour, but it is hard work for him; he is -too slight for it. After the half-hour there is no more pleasure for -you; your attention is all on the man, just as it would be on a tired -horse, and necessarily your sympathy is there too. There's a plenty of -these 'rickshas, and the tariff is incredibly cheap. - -I was in Cairo years ago. That was Oriental, but there was a lack. When -you are in Florida or New Orleans you are in the South--that is granted; -but you are not in the South; you are in a modified South, a tempered -South. Cairo was a tempered Orient--an Orient with an indefinite -something wanting. That feeling was not present in Ceylon. Ceylon was -Oriental in the last measure of completeness--utterly Oriental; also -utterly tropical; and indeed to one's unreasoning spiritual sense the two -things belong together. All the requisites were present. The costumes -were right; the black and brown exposures, unconscious of immodesty, were -right; the juggler was there, with his basket, his snakes, his mongoose, -and his arrangements for growing a tree from seed to foliage and ripe -fruitage before one's eves; in sight were plants and flowers familiar to -one on books but in no other way celebrated, desirable, strange, but in -production restricted to the hot belt of the equator; and out a little -way in the country were the proper deadly snakes, and fierce beasts of -prey, and the wild elephant and the monkey. And there was that swoon in -the air which one associates with the tropics, and that smother of heat, -heavy with odors of unknown flowers, and that sudden invasion of purple -gloom fissured with lightnings,--then the tumult of crashing thunder and -the downpour and presently all sunny and smiling again; all these things -were there; the conditions were complete, nothing was lacking. And away -off in the deeps of the jungle and in the remotenesses of the mountains -were the ruined cities and mouldering temples, mysterious relics of the -pomps of a forgotten time and a vanished race--and this was as it should -be, also, for nothing is quite satisfyingly Oriental that lacks the -somber and impressive qualities of mystery and antiquity. - -The drive through the town and out to the Galle Face by the seashore, -what a dream it was of tropical splendors of bloom and blossom, and -Oriental conflagrations of costume! The walking groups of men, women, -boys, girls, babies--each individual was a flame, each group a house -afire for color. And such stunning colors, such intensely vivid colors, -such rich and exquisite minglings and fusings of rainbows and lightnings! -And all harmonious, all in perfect taste; never a discordant note; never -a color on any person swearing at another color on him or failing to -harmonize faultlessly with the colors of any group the wearer might join. -The stuffs were silk-thin, soft, delicate, clinging; and, as a rule, each -piece a solid color: a splendid green, a splendid blue, a splendid -yellow, a splendid purple, a splendid ruby, deep, and rich with -smouldering fires they swept continuously by in crowds and legions and -multitudes, glowing, flashing, burning, radiant; and every five seconds -came a burst of blinding red that made a body catch his breath, and -filled his heart with joy. And then, the unimaginable grace of those -costumes! Sometimes a woman's whole dress was but a scarf wound about -her person and her head, sometimes a man's was but a turban and a -careless rag or two--in both cases generous areas of polished dark skin -showing--but always the arrangement compelled the homage of the eye and -made the heart sing for gladness. - -I can see it to this day, that radiant panorama, that wilderness of rich -color, that incomparable dissolving-view of harmonious tints, and lithe -half-covered forms, and beautiful brown faces, and gracious and graceful -gestures and attitudes and movements, free, unstudied, barren of -stiffness and restraint, and-- - -Just then, into this dream of fairyland and paradise a grating dissonance -was injected. - -Out of a missionary school came marching, two and two, sixteen prim and -pious little Christian black girls, Europeanly clothed--dressed, to the -last detail, as they would have been dressed on a summer Sunday in an -English or American village. Those clothes--oh, they were unspeakably -ugly! Ugly, barbarous, destitute of taste, destitute of grace, repulsive -as a shroud. I looked at my womenfolk's clothes--just full-grown -duplicates of the outrages disguising those poor little abused creatures ---and was ashamed to be seen in the street with them. Then I looked at -my own clothes, and was ashamed to be seen in the street with myself. - -However, we must put up with our clothes as they are--they have their -reason for existing. They are on us to expose us--to advertise what we -wear them to conceal. They are a sign; a sign of insincerity; a sign of -suppressed vanity; a pretense that we despise gorgeous colors and the -graces of harmony and form; and we put them on to propagate that lie and -back it up. But we do not deceive our neighbor; and when we step into -Ceylon we realize that we have not even deceived ourselves. We do love -brilliant colors and graceful costumes; and at home we will turn out in a -storm to see them when the procession goes by--and envy the wearers. We -go to the theater to look at them and grieve that we can't be clothed -like that. We go to the King's ball, when we get a chance, and are glad -of a sight of the splendid uniforms and the glittering orders. When we -are granted permission to attend an imperial drawing-room we shut -ourselves up in private and parade around in the theatrical court-dress -by the hour, and admire ourselves in the glass, and are utterly happy; -and every member of every governor's staff in democratic America does the -same with his grand new uniform--and if he is not watched he will get -himself photographed in it, too. When I see the Lord Mayor's footman I -am dissatisfied with my lot. Yes, our clothes are a lie, and have been -nothing short of that these hundred years. They are insincere, they are -the ugly and appropriate outward exposure of an inward sham and a moral -decay. - -The last little brown boy I chanced to notice in the crowds and swarms of -Colombo had nothing on but a twine string around his waist, but in my -memory the frank honesty of his costume still stands out in pleasant -contrast with the odious flummery in which the little Sunday-school -dowdies were masquerading. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXVIII. - -Prosperity is the best protector of principle. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -EVENING--11th. Sailed in the Rosetta. This is a poor old ship, and -ought to be insured and sunk. As in the 'Oceana', just so here: -everybody dresses for dinner; they make it a sort of pious duty. These -fine and formal costumes are a rather conspicuous contrast to the poverty -and shabbiness of the surroundings . . . . If you want a slice of a -lime at four o'clock tea, you must sign an order on the bar. Limes cost -14 cents a barrel. - -January 18th. We have been running up the Arabian Sea, latterly. -Closing up on Bombay now, and due to arrive this evening. - -January 20th. Bombay! A bewitching place, a bewildering place, an -enchanting place--the Arabian Nights come again? It is a vast city; -contains about a million inhabitants. Natives, they are, with a slight -sprinkling of white people--not enough to have the slightest modifying -effect upon the massed dark complexion of the public. It is winter here, -yet the weather is the divine weather of June, and the foliage is the -fresh and heavenly foliage of June. There is a rank of noble great shade -trees across the way from the hotel, and under them sit groups of -picturesque natives of both sexes; and the juggler in his turban is there -with his snakes and his magic; and all day long the cabs and the -multitudinous varieties of costumes flock by. It does not seem as if one -could ever get tired of watching this moving show, this shining and -shifting spectacle . . . . In the great bazar the pack and jam of -natives was marvelous, the sea of rich-colored turbans and draperies an -inspiring sight, and the quaint and showy Indian architecture was just -the right setting for it. Toward sunset another show; this is the drive -around the sea-shore to Malabar Point, where Lord Sandhurst, the Governor -of the Bombay Presidency, lives. Parsee palaces all along the first part -of the drive; and past them all the world is driving; the private -carriages of wealthy Englishmen and natives of rank are manned by a -driver and three footmen in stunning oriental liveries--two of these -turbaned statues standing up behind, as fine as monuments. Sometimes -even the public carriages have this superabundant crew, slightly -modified--one to drive, one to sit by and see it done, and one to stand -up behind and yell--yell when there is anybody in the way, and for -practice when there isn't. It all helps to keep up the liveliness and -augment the general sense of swiftness and energy and confusion and pow- -wow. - -In the region of Scandal Point--felicitous name--where there are handy -rocks to sit on and a noble view of the sea on the one hand, and on the -other the passing and reprising whirl and tumult of gay carriages, are -great groups of comfortably-off Parsee women--perfect flower-beds of -brilliant color, a fascinating spectacle. Tramp, tramp, tramping along -the road, in singles, couples, groups, and gangs, you have the working- -man and the working-woman--but not clothed like ours. Usually the man is -a nobly-built great athlete, with not a rag on but his loin-handkerchief; -his color a deep dark brown, his skin satin, his rounded muscles knobbing -it as if it had eggs under it. Usually the woman is a slender and -shapely creature, as erect as a lightning-rod, and she has but one thing -on--a bright-colored piece of stuff which is wound about her head and her -body down nearly half-way to her knees, and which clings like her own -skin. Her legs and feet are bare, and so are her arms, except for her -fanciful bunches of loose silver rings on her ankles and on her arms. -She has jewelry bunched on the side of her nose also, and showy -clusterrings on her toes. When she undresses for bed she takes off her -jewelry, I suppose. If she took off anything more she would catch cold. -As a rule she has a large shiney brass water jar of graceful shape on her -head, and one of her naked arms curves up and the hand holds it there. -She is so straight, so erect, and she steps with such style, and such -easy grace and dignity; and her curved arm and her brazen jar are such a -help to the picture indeed, our working-women cannot begin with her as a -road-decoration. - -It is all color, bewitching color, enchanting color--everywhere all -around--all the way around the curving great opaline bay clear to -Government House, where the turbaned big native 'chuprassies' stand -grouped in state at the door in their robes of fiery red, and do most -properly and stunningly finish up the splendid show and make it -theatrically complete. I wish I were a 'chuprassy'. - -This is indeed India! the land of dreams and romance, of fabulous wealth -and fabulous poverty, of splendor and rags, of palaces and hovels, of -famine and pestilence, of genii and giants and Aladdin lamps, of tigers -and elephants, the cobra and the jungle, the country of a hundred nations -and a hundred tongues, of a thousand religions and two million gods, -cradle of the human race, birthplace of human speech, mother of history, -grandmother of legend, great-grandmother of tradition, whose yesterdays -bear date with the mouldering antiquities of the rest of the nations--the -one sole country under the sun that is endowed with an imperishable -interest for alien prince and alien peasant, for lettered and ignorant, -wise and fool, rich and poor, bond and free, the one land that all men -desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give -that glimpse for the shows of all the rest of the globe combined. -Even now, after the lapse of a year, the delirium of those days in Bombay -has not left me, and I hope never will. It was all new, no detail of it -hackneyed. And India did not wait for morning, it began at the hotel-- -straight away. The lobbies and halls were full of turbaned, and fez'd -and embroidered, cap'd, and barefooted, and cotton-clad dark natives, -some of them rushing about, others at rest squatting, or sitting on the -ground; some of them chattering with energy, others still and dreamy; in -the dining-room every man's own private native servant standing behind -his chair, and dressed for a part in the Arabian Nights. - -Our rooms were high up, on the front. A white man he was a burly German ---went up with us, and brought three natives along to see to arranging -things. About fourteen others followed in procession, with the hand- -baggage; each carried an article--and only one; a bag, in some cases, in -other cases less. One strong native carried my overcoat, another a -parasol, another a box of cigars, another a novel, and the last man in -the procession had no load but a fan. It was all done with earnestness -and sincerity, there was not a smile in the procession from the head of -it to the tail of it. Each man waited patiently, tranquilly, in no sort -of hurry, till one of us found time to give him a copper, then he bent -his head reverently, touched his forehead with his fingers, and went his -way. They seemed a soft and gentle race, and there was something both -winning and touching about their demeanor. - -There was a vast glazed door which opened upon the balcony. It needed -closing, or cleaning, or something, and a native got down on his knees -and went to work at it. He seemed to be doing it well enough, but -perhaps he wasn't, for the burly German put on a look that betrayed -dissatisfaction, then without explaining what was wrong, gave the native -a brisk cuff on the jaw and then told him where the defect was. It -seemed such a shame to do that before us all. The native took it with -meekness, saying nothing, and not showing in his face or manner any -resentment. I had not seen the like of this for fifty years. It carried -me back to my boyhood, and flashed upon me the forgotten fact that this -was the usual way of explaining one's desires to a slave. I was able to -remember that the method seemed right and natural to me in those days, I -being born to it and unaware that elsewhere there were other methods; but -I was also able to remember that those unresented cuffings made me sorry -for the victim and ashamed for the punisher. My father was a refined and -kindly gentleman, very grave, rather austere, of rigid probity, a sternly -just and upright man, albeit he attended no church and never spoke of -religious matters, and had no part nor lot in the pious joys of his -Presbyterian family, nor ever seemed to suffer from this deprivation. He -laid his hand upon me in punishment only twice in his life, and then not -heavily; once for telling him a lie--which surprised me, and showed me -how unsuspicious he was, for that was not my maiden effort. He punished -me those two times only, and never any other member of the family at all; -yet every now and then he cuffed our harmless slave boy, Lewis, for -trifling little blunders and awkardnesses. My father had passed his life -among the slaves from his cradle up, and his cuffings proceeded from the -custom of the time, not from his nature. When I was ten years old I saw -a man fling a lump of iron-ore at a slaveman in anger, for merely doing -something awkwardly--as if that were a crime. It bounded from the man's -skull, and the man fell and never spoke again. He was dead in an hour. -I knew the man had a right to kill his slave if he wanted to, and yet it -seemed a pitiful thing and somehow wrong, though why wrong I was not deep -enough to explain if I had been asked to do it. Nobody in the village -approved of that murder, but of course no one said much about it. - -It is curious--the space-annihilating power of thought. For just one -second, all that goes to make the me in me was in a Missourian village, -on the other side of the globe, vividly seeing again these forgotten -pictures of fifty years ago, and wholly unconscious of all things but -just those; and in the next second I was back in Bombay, and that -kneeling native's smitten cheek was not done tingling yet! Back to -boyhood--fifty years; back to age again, another fifty; and a flight -equal to the circumference of the globe-all in two seconds by the watch! - -Some natives--I don't remember how many--went into my bedroom, now, and -put things to rights and arranged the mosquito-bar, and I went to bed to -nurse my cough. It was about nine in the evening. What a state of -things! For three hours the yelling and shouting of natives in the hall -continued, along with the velvety patter of their swift bare feet--what a -racket it was! They were yelling orders and messages down three flights. -Why, in the matter of noise it amounted to a riot, an insurrection, a -revolution. And then there were other noises mixed up with these and at -intervals tremendously accenting them--roofs falling in, I judged, -windows smashing, persons being murdered, crows squawking, and deriding, -and cursing, canaries screeching, monkeys jabbering, macaws blaspheming, -and every now and then fiendish bursts of laughter and explosions of -dynamite. By midnight I had suffered all the different kinds of shocks -there are, and knew that I could never more be disturbed by them, either -isolated or in combination. Then came peace--stillness deep and solemn -and lasted till five. - -Then it all broke loose again. And who re-started it? The Bird of Birds -the Indian crow. I came to know him well, by and by, and be infatuated -with him. I suppose he is the hardest lot that wears feathers. Yes, and -the cheerfulest, and the best satisfied with himself. He never arrived -at what he is by any careless process, or any sudden one; he is a work of -art, and "art is long"; he is the product of immemorial ages, and of deep -calculation; one can't make a bird like that in a day. He has been -reincarnated more times than Shiva; and he has kept a sample of each -incarnation, and fused it into his constitution. In the course of his -evolutionary promotions, his sublime march toward ultimate perfection, he -has been a gambler, a low comedian, a dissolute priest, a fussy woman, a -blackguard, a scoffer, a liar, a thief, a spy, an informer, a trading -politician, a swindler, a professional hypocrite, a patriot for cash, a -reformer, a lecturer, a lawyer, a conspirator, a rebel, a royalist, a -democrat, a practicer and propagator of irreverence, a meddler, an -intruder, a busybody, an infidel, and a wallower in sin for the mere love -of it. The strange result, the incredible result, of this patient -accumulation of all damnable traits is, that be does not know what care -is, he does not know what sorrow is, he does not know what remorse is, -his life is one long thundering ecstasy of happiness, and he will go to -his death untroubled, knowing that he will soon turn up again as an -author or something, and be even more intolerably capable and comfortable -than ever he was before. - -In his straddling wide forward-step, and his springy side-wise series of -hops, and his impudent air, and his cunning way of canting his head to -one side upon occasion, he reminds one of the American blackbird. But -the sharp resemblances stop there. He is much bigger than the blackbird; -and he lacks the blackbird's trim and slender and beautiful build and -shapely beak; and of course his sober garb of gray and rusty black is a -poor and humble thing compared with the splendid lustre of the -blackbird's metallic sables and shifting and flashing bronze glories. -The blackbird is a perfect gentleman, in deportment and attire, and is -not noisy, I believe, except when holding religious services and -political conventions in a tree; but this Indian sham Quaker is just a -rowdy, and is always noisy when awake--always chaffing, scolding, -scoffing, laughing, ripping, and cursing, and carrying on about something -or other. I never saw such a bird for delivering opinions. Nothing -escapes him; he notices everything that happens, and brings out his -opinion about it, particularly if it is a matter that is none of his -business. And it is never a mild opinion, but always violent--violent -and profane--the presence of ladies does not affect him. His opinions -are not the outcome of reflection, for he never thinks about anything, -but heaves out the opinion that is on top in his mind, and which is often -an opinion about some quite different thing and does not fit the case. -But that is his way; his main idea is to get out an opinion, and if he -stopped to think he would lose chances. - -I suppose he has no enemies among men. The whites and Mohammedans never -seemed to molest him; and the Hindoos, because of their religion, never -take the life of any creature, but spare even the snakes and tigers and -fleas and rats. If I sat on one end of the balcony, the crows would -gather on the railing at the other end and talk about me; and edge -closer, little by little, till I could almost reach them; and they would -sit there, in the most unabashed way, and talk about my clothes, and my -hair, and my complexion, and probable character and vocation and -politics, and how I came to be in India, and what I had been doing, and -how many days I had got for it, and how I had happened to go unhanged -so long, and when would it probably come off, and might there be more of -my sort where I came from, and when would they be hanged,--and so on, and -so on, until I could not longer endure the embarrassment of it; then I -would shoo them away, and they would circle around in the air a little -while, laughing and deriding and mocking, and presently settle on the -rail and do it all over again. - -They were very sociable when there was anything to eat--oppressively so. -With a little encouragement they would come in and light on the table and -help me eat my breakfast; and once when I was in the other room and they -found themselves alone, they carried off everything they could lift; and -they were particular to choose things which they could make no use of -after they got them. In India their number is beyond estimate, and their -noise is in proportion. I suppose they cost the country more than the -government does; yet that is not a light matter. Still, they pay; their -company pays; it would sadden the land to take their cheerful voice out -of it. - - - - -CHAPTER XXXIX. - -By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, -I mean. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -You soon find your long-ago dreams of India rising in a sort of vague and -luscious moonlight above the horizon-rim of your opaque consciousness, -and softly lighting up a thousand forgotten details which were parts of a -vision that had once been vivid to you when you were a boy, and steeped -your spirit in tales of the East. The barbaric gorgeousnesses, for -instance; and the princely titles, the sumptuous titles, the sounding -titles,--how good they taste in the mouth! The Nizam of Hyderabad; the -Maharajah of Travancore; the Nabob of Jubbelpore; the Begum of Bhopal; -the Nawab of Mysore; the Rance of Gulnare; the Ahkoond of Swat's; the Rao -of Rohilkund; the Gaikwar of Baroda. Indeed, it is a country that runs -richly to name. The great god Vishnu has 108--108 special ones--108 -peculiarly holy ones--names just for Sunday use only. I learned the -whole of Vishnu's 108 by heart once, but they wouldn't stay; I don't -remember any of them now but John W. - -And the romances connected with, those princely native houses--to this -day they are always turning up, just as in the old, old times. They were -sweating out a romance in an English court in Bombay a while before we -were there. In this case a native prince, 16 1/2 years old, who has been -enjoying his titles and dignities and estates unmolested for fourteen -years, is suddenly haled into court on the charge that he is rightfully -no prince at all, but a pauper peasant; that the real prince died when -two and one-half years old; that the death was concealed, and a peasant -child smuggled into the royal cradle, and that this present incumbent was -that smuggled substitute. This is the very material that so many -oriental tales have been made of. - -The case of that great prince, the Gaikwar of Baroda, is a reversal of -the theme. When that throne fell vacant, no heir could be found for some -time, but at last one was found in the person of a peasant child who was -making mud pies in a village street, and having an innocent good time. -But his pedigree was straight; he was the true prince, and he has reigned -ever since, with none to dispute his right. - -Lately there was another hunt for an heir to another princely house, and -one was found who was circumstanced about as the Gaikwar had been. His -fathers were traced back, in humble life, along a branch of the ancestral -tree to the point where it joined the stem fourteen generations ago, and -his heirship was thereby squarely established. The tracing was done by -means of the records of one of the great Hindoo shrines, where princes on -pilgrimage record their names and the date of their visit. This is to -keep the prince's religious account straight, and his spiritual person -safe; but the record has the added value of keeping the pedigree -authentic, too. - -When I think of Bombay now, at this distance of time, I seem to have a -kaleidoscope at my eye; and I hear the clash of the glass bits as the -splendid figures change, and fall apart, and flash into new forms, figure -after figure, and with the birth of each new form I feel my skin crinkle -and my nerve-web tingle with a new thrill of wonder and delight. These -remembered pictures float past me in a sequence of contracts; following -the same order always, and always whirling by and disappearing with the -swiftness of a dream, leaving me with the sense that the actuality was -the experience of an hour, at most, whereas it really covered days, I -think. - -The series begins with the hiring of a "bearer"--native man-servant--a -person who should be selected with some care, because as long as he is in -your employ he will be about as near to you as your clothes. - -In India your day may be said to begin with the "bearer's" knock on the -bedroom door, accompanied by a formula of, words--a formula which is -intended to mean that the bath is ready. It doesn't really seem to mean -anything at all. But that is because you are not used to "bearer" -English. You will presently understand. - -Where he gets his English is his own secret. There is nothing like it -elsewhere in the earth; or even in paradise, perhaps, but the other place -is probably full of it. You hire him as soon as you touch Indian soil; -for no matter what your sex is, you cannot do without him. He is -messenger, valet, chambermaid, table-waiter, lady's maid, courier--he is -everything. He carries a coarse linen clothes-bag and a quilt; he sleeps -on the stone floor outside your chamber door, and gets his meals you do -not know where nor when; you only know that he is not fed on the -premises, either when you are in a hotel or when you are a guest in a, -private house. His wages are large--from an Indian point of view--and he -feeds and clothes himself out of them. We had three of him in two and a -half months. The first one's rate was thirty rupees a month that is to -say, twenty-seven cents a day; the rate of the others, Rs. 40 (40 rupees) -a month. A princely sum; for the native switchman on a railway and the -native servant in a private family get only Rs. 7 per month, and the -farm-hand only 4. The two former feed and clothe themselves and their -families on their $1.90 per month; but I cannot believe that the farmhand -has to feed himself on his $1.08. I think the farm probably feeds him, -and that the whole of his wages, except a trifle for the priest, go to -the support of his family. That is, to the feeding of his family; for -they live in a mud hut, hand-made, and, doubtless, rent-free, and they -wear no clothes; at least, nothing more than a rag. And not much of a -rag at that, in the case of the males. However, these are handsome times -for the farm-hand; he was not always the child of luxury that he is now. -The Chief Commissioner of the Central Provinces, in a recent official -utterance wherein he was rebuking a native deputation for complaining of -hard times, reminded them that they could easily remember when a farm- -hand's wages were only half a rupee (former value) a month--that is to -say, less than a cent a day; nearly $2.90 a year. If such a wage-earner -had a good deal of a family--and they all have that, for God is very good -to these poor natives in some ways--he would save a profit of fifteen -cents, clean and clear, out of his year's toil; I mean a frugal, thrifty -person would, not one given to display and ostentation. And if he owed -$13.50 and took good care of his health, he could pay it off in ninety -years. Then he could hold up his head, and look his creditors in the -face again. - -Think of these facts and what they mean. India does not consist of -cities. There are no cities in India--to speak of. Its stupendous -population consists of farm-laborers. India is one vast farm--one almost -interminable stretch of fields with mud fences between. . . Think of the -above facts; and consider what an incredible aggregate of poverty they -place before you. - -The first Bearer that applied, waited below and sent up his -recommendations. That was the first morning in Bombay. We read them -over; carefully, cautiously, thoughtfully. There was not a fault to find -with them--except one; they were all from Americans. Is that a slur? -If it is, it is a deserved one. In my experience, an American's -recommendation of a servant is not usually valuable. We are too good- -natured a race; we hate to say the unpleasant thing; we shrink from -speaking the unkind truth about a poor fellow whose bread depends upon -our verdict; so we speak of his good points only, thus not scrupling to -tell a lie--a silent lie--for in not mentioning his bad ones we as good -as say he hasn't any. The only difference that I know of between a -silent lie and a spoken one is, that the silent lie is a less respectable -one than the other. And it can deceive, whereas the other can't--as a -rule. We not only tell the silent lie as to a servant's faults, but we -sin in another way: we overpraise his merits; for when it comes to -writing recommendations of servants we are a nation of gushers. And we -have not the Frenchman's excuse. In France you must give the departing -servant a good recommendation; and you must conceal his faults; you have -no choice. If you mention his faults for the protection of the next -candidate for his services, he can sue you for damages; and the court -will award them, too; and, moreover, the judge will give you a sharp -dressing-down from the bench for trying to destroy a poor man's -character, and rob him of his bread. I do not state this on my own -authority, I got it from a French physician of fame and repute--a man who -was born in Paris, and had practiced there all his life. And he said -that he spoke not merely from common knowledge, but from exasperating -personal experience. - -As I was saying, the Bearer's recommendations were all from American -tourists; and St. Peter would have admitted him to the fields of the -blest on them--I mean if he is as unfamiliar with our people and our ways -as I suppose he is. According to these recommendations, Manuel X. was -supreme in all the arts connected with his complex trade; and these -manifold arts were mentioned--and praised-in detail. His English was -spoken of in terms of warm admiration--admiration verging upon rapture. -I took pleased note of that, and hoped that some of it might be true. - -We had to have some one right away; so the family went down stairs and -took him a week on trial; then sent him up to me and departed on their -affairs. I was shut up in my quarters with a bronchial cough, and glad -to have something fresh to look at, something new to play with. Manuel -filled the bill; Manuel was very welcome. He was toward fifty years old, -tall, slender, with a slight stoop--an artificial stoop, a deferential -stoop, a stoop rigidified by long habit--with face of European mould; -short hair intensely black; gentle black eyes, timid black eyes, indeed; -complexion very dark, nearly black in fact; face smooth-shaven. He was -bareheaded and barefooted, and was never otherwise while his week with us -lasted; his clothing was European, cheap, flimsy, and showed much wear. - -He stood before me and inclined his head (and body) in the pathetic -Indian way, touching his forehead with the finger--ends of his right -hand, in salute. I said: - -"Manuel, you are evidently Indian, but you seem to have a Spanish name -when you put it all together. How is that?" - -A perplexed look gathered in his face; it was plain that he had not -understood--but he didn't let on. He spoke back placidly. - -"Name, Manuel. Yes, master." - -"I know; but how did you get the name?" - -"Oh, yes, I suppose. Think happen so. Father same name, not mother." - -I saw that I must simplify my language and spread my words apart, if I -would be understood by this English scholar. - -"Well--then--how--did--your--father--get--his name?" - -"Oh, he,"--brightening a little--"he Christian--Portygee; live in Goa; I -born Goa; mother not Portygee, mother native-high-caste Brahmin--Coolin -Brahmin; highest caste; no other so high caste. I high-caste Brahmin, -too. Christian, too, same like father; high-caste Christian Brahmin, -master--Salvation Army." - -All this haltingly, and with difficulty. Then he had an inspiration, and -began to pour out a flood of words that I could make nothing of; so I -said: - -"There--don't do that. I can't understand Hindostani." - -"Not Hindostani, master--English. Always I speaking English sometimes -when I talking every day all the time at you." - -"Very well, stick to that; that is intelligible. It is not up to my -hopes, it is not up to the promise of the recommendations, still it is -English, and I understand it. Don't elaborate it; I don't like -elaborations when they are crippled by uncertainty of touch." - -"Master?" - -"Oh, never mind; it was only a random thought; I didn't expect you to -understand it. How did you get your English; is it an acquirement, or -just a gift of God?" - -After some hesitation--piously: - -"Yes, he very good. Christian god very good, Hindoo god very good, too. -Two million Hindoo god, one Christian god--make two million and one. All -mine; two million and one god. I got a plenty. Sometime I pray all time -at those, keep it up, go all time every day; give something at shrine, -all good for me, make me better man; good for me, good for my family, dam -good." - -Then he had another inspiration, and went rambling off into fervent -confusions and incoherencies, and I had to stop him again. I thought we -had talked enough, so I told him to go to the bathroom and clean it up -and remove the slops--this to get rid of him. He went away, seeming to -understand, and got out some of my clothes and began to brush them. I -repeated my desire several times, simplifying and re-simplifying it, and -at last he got the idea. Then he went away and put a coolie at the work, -and explained that he would lose caste if he did it himself; it would be -pollution, by the law of his caste, and it would cost him a deal of fuss -and trouble to purify himself and accomplish his rehabilitation. He said -that that kind of work was strictly forbidden to persons of caste, and as -strictly restricted to the very bottom layer of Hindoo society--the -despised 'Sudra' (the toiler, the laborer). He was right; and apparently -the poor Sudra has been content with his strange lot, his insulting -distinction, for ages and ages--clear back to the beginning of things, so -to speak. Buckle says that his name--laborer--is a term of contempt; -that it is ordained by the Institutes of Menu (900 B.C.) that if a Sudra -sit on a level with his superior he shall be exiled or branded--[Without -going into particulars I will remark that as a rule they wear no clothing -that would conceal the brand.-M. T.]-- . . . ; if he speak -contemptuously of his superior or insult him he shall suffer death; if he -listen to the reading of the sacred books he shall have burning oil -poured in his ears; if he memorize passages from them he shall be killed; -if he marry his daughter to a Brahmin the husband shall go to hell for -defiling himself by contact with a woman so infinitely his inferior; and -that it is forbidden to a Sudra to acquire wealth. "The bulk of the -population of India," says Bucklet--[Population to-day, 300,000,000.]-- -"is the Sudras--the workers, the farmers, the creators of wealth." - -Manuel was a failure, poor old fellow. His age was against him. He was -desperately slow and phenomenally forgetful. When he went three blocks -on an errand he would be gone two hours, and then forget what it was he -went for. When he packed a trunk it took him forever, and the trunk's -contents were an unimaginable chaos when he got done. He couldn't wait -satisfactorily at table--a prime defect, for if you haven't your own -servant in an Indian hotel you are likely to have a slow time of it and -go away hungry. We couldn't understand his English; he couldn't -understand ours; and when we found that he couldn't understand his own, -it seemed time for us to part. I had to discharge him; there was no help -for it. But I did it as kindly as I could, and as gently. We must part, -said I, but I hoped we should meet again in a better world. It was not -true, but it was only a little thing to say, and saved his feelings and -cost me nothing. - -But now that he was gone, and was off my mind and heart, my spirits began -to rise at once, and I was soon feeling brisk and ready to go out and -have adventures. Then his newly-hired successor flitted in, touched his -forehead, and began to fly around here, there, and everywhere, on his -velvet feet, and in five minutes he had everything in the room "ship- -shape and Bristol fashion," as the sailors say, and was standing at the -salute, waiting for orders. Dear me, what a rustler he was after the -slumbrous way of Manuel, poor old slug! All my heart, all my affection, -all my admiration, went out spontaneously to this frisky little forked -black thing, this compact and compressed incarnation of energy and force -and promptness and celerity and confidence, this smart, smily, engaging, -shiney-eyed little devil, feruled on his upper end by a gleaming fire- -coal of a fez with a red-hot tassel dangling from it. I said, with deep -satisfaction-- - -"You'll suit. What is your name?" - -He reeled it mellowly off. - -"Let me see if I can make a selection out of it--for business uses, I -mean; we will keep the rest for Sundays. Give it to me in installments." - -He did it. But there did not seem to be any short ones, except -Mousawhich suggested mouse. It was out of character; it was too soft, -too quiet, too conservative; it didn't fit his splendid style. I -considered, and said-- - -"Mousa is short enough, but I don't quite like it. It seems colorless-- -inharmonious--inadequate; and I am sensitive to such things. How do you -think Satan would do?" - -"Yes, master. Satan do wair good." - -It was his way of saying "very good." - -There was a rap at the door. Satan covered the ground with a single -skip; there was a word or two of Hindostani, then he disappeared. Three -minutes later he was before me again, militarily erect, and waiting for -me to speak first. - -"What is it, Satan?" - -"God want to see you." - -"Who?" - -"God. I show him up, master?" - -"Why, this is so unusual, that--that--well, you see indeed I am so -unprepared--I don't quite know what I do mean. Dear me, can't you -explain? Don't you see that this is a most ex----" - -"Here his card, master." - -Wasn't it curious--and amazing, and tremendous, and all that? Such a -personage going around calling on such as I, and sending up his card, -like a mortal--sending it up by Satan. It was a bewildering collision of -the impossibles. But this was the land of the Arabian Nights, this was -India! and what is it that cannot happen in India? - -We had the interview. Satan was right--the Visitor was indeed a God in -the conviction of his multitudinous followers, and was worshiped by them -in sincerity and humble adoration. They are troubled by no doubts as to -his divine origin and office. They believe in him, they pray to him, -they make offerings to him, they beg of him remission of sins; to them -his person, together with everything connected with it, is sacred; from -his barber they buy the parings of his nails and set them in gold, and -wear them as precious amulets. - -I tried to seem tranquilly conversational and at rest, but I was not. -Would you have been? I was in a suppressed frenzy of excitement and -curiosity and glad wonder. I could not keep my eyes off him. I was -looking upon a god, an actual god, a recognized and accepted god; and -every detail of his person and his dress had a consuming interest for me. -And the thought went floating through my head, "He is worshiped--think of -it--he is not a recipient of the pale homage called compliment, wherewith -the highest human clay must make shift to be satisfied, but of an -infinitely richer spiritual food: adoration, worship!--men and women lay -their cares and their griefs and their broken hearts at his feet; and he -gives them his peace; and they go away healed." - -And just then the Awful Visitor said, in the simplest way--"There is a -feature of the philosophy of Huck Finn which"--and went luminously on -with the construction of a compact and nicely-discriminated literary -verdict. - -It is a land of surprises--India! I had had my ambitions--I had hoped, -and almost expected, to be read by kings and presidents and emperors--but -I had never looked so high as That. It would be false modesty to pretend -that I was not inordinately pleased. I was. I was much more pleased -than I should have been with a compliment from a man. - -He remained half an hour, and I found him a most courteous and charming -gentleman. The godship has been in his family a good while, but I do not -know how long. He is a Mohammedan deity; by earthly rank he is a prince; -not an Indian but a Persian prince. He is a direct descendant of the -Prophet's line. He is comely; also young--for a god; not forty, perhaps -not above thirty-five years old. He wears his immense honors with -tranquil brace, and with a dignity proper to his awful calling. He -speaks English with the ease and purity of a person born to it. I think -I am not overstating this. He was the only god I had ever seen, and I -was very favorably impressed. When he rose to say good-bye, the door -swung open and I caught the flash of a red fez, and heard these words, -reverently said-- - -"Satan see God out?" - -"Yes." And these mis-mated Beings passed from view Satan in the lead and -The Other following after. - - - - -CHAPTER XL. - -Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The next picture in my mind is Government House, on Malabar Point, with -the wide sea-view from the windows and broad balconies; abode of His -Excellency the Governor of the Bombay Presidency--a residence which is -European in everything but the native guards and servants, and is a home -and a palace of state harmoniously combined. - -That was England, the English power, the English civilization, the modern -civilization--with the quiet elegancies and quiet colors and quiet tastes -and quiet dignity that are the outcome of the modern cultivation. And -following it came a picture of the ancient civilization of India--an hour -in the mansion of a native prince: Kumar Schri Samatsinhji Bahadur of the -Palitana State. - -The young lad, his heir, was with the prince; also, the lad's sister, a -wee brown sprite, very pretty, very serious, very winning, delicately -moulded, costumed like the daintiest butterfly, a dear little fairyland -princess, gravely willing to be friendly with the strangers, but in the -beginning preferring to hold her father's hand until she could take stock -of them and determine how far they were to be trusted. She must have -been eight years old; so in the natural (Indian) order of things she -would be a bride in three or four years from now, and then this free -contact with the sun and the air and the other belongings of out-door -nature and comradeship with visiting male folk would end, and she would -shut herself up in the zenana for life, like her mother, and by inherited -habit of mind would be happy in that seclusion and not look upon it as an -irksome restraint and a weary captivity. - -The game which the prince amuses his leisure with--however, never mind -it, I should never be able to describe it intelligibly. I tried to get -an idea of it while my wife and daughter visited the princess in the -zenana, a lady of charming graces and a fluent speaker of English, but I -did not make it out. It is a complicated game, and I believe it is said -that nobody can learn to play it well--but an Indian. And I was not able -to learn how to wind a turban. It seemed a simple art and easy; but that -was a deception. It is a piece of thin, delicate stuff a foot wide or -more, and forty or fifty feet long; and the exhibitor of the art takes -one end of it in his hands, and winds it in and out intricately about his -head, twisting it as he goes, and in a minute or two the thing is -finished, and is neat and symmetrical and fits as snugly as a mould. - -We were interested in the wardrobe and the jewels, and in the silverware, -and its grace of shape and beauty and delicacy of ornamentation. The -silverware is kept locked up, except at meal-times, and none but the -chief butler and the prince have keys to the safe. I did not clearly -understand why, but it was not for the protection of the silver. It was -either to protect the prince from the contamination which his caste would -suffer if the vessels were touched by low-caste hands, or it was to -protect his highness from poison. Possibly it was both. I believe a -salaried taster has to taste everything before the prince ventures it--an -ancient and judicious custom in the East, and has thinned out the tasters -a good deal, for of course it is the cook that puts the poison in. If I -were an Indian prince I would not go to the expense of a taster, I would -eat with the cook. - -Ceremonials are always interesting; and I noted that the Indian good- -morning is a ceremonial, whereas ours doesn't amount to that. In -salutation the son reverently touches the father's forehead with a small -silver implement tipped with vermillion paste which leaves a red spot -there, and in return the son receives the father's blessing. Our good -morning is well enough for the rowdy West, perhaps, but would be too -brusque for the soft and ceremonious East. - -After being properly necklaced, according to custom, with great garlands -made of yellow flowers, and provided with betel-nut to chew, this -pleasant visit closed, and we passed thence to a scene of a different -sort: from this glow of color and this sunny life to those grim -receptacles of the Parsee dead, the Towers of Silence. There is -something stately about that name, and an impressiveness which sinks -deep; the hush of death is in it. We have the Grave, the Tomb, the -Mausoleum, God's Acre, the Cemetery; and association has made them -eloquent with solemn meaning; but we have no name that is so majestic as -that one, or lingers upon the ear with such deep and haunting pathos. - -On lofty ground, in the midst of a paradise of tropical foliage and -flowers, remote from the world and its turmoil and noise, they stood--the -Towers of Silence; and away below was spread the wide groves of cocoa -palms, then the city, mile on mile, then the ocean with its fleets of -creeping ships all steeped in a stillness as deep as the hush that -hallowed this high place of the dead. The vultures were there. They -stood close together in a great circle all around the rim of a massive -low tower--waiting; stood as motionless as sculptured ornaments, and -indeed almost deceived one into the belief that that was what they were. -Presently there was a slight stir among the score of persons present, and -all moved reverently out of the path and ceased from talking. A funeral -procession entered the great gate, marching two and two, and moved -silently by, toward the Tower. The corpse lay in a shallow shell, and -was under cover of a white cloth, but was otherwise naked. The bearers -of the body were separated by an interval of thirty feet from the -mourners. They, and also the mourners, were draped all in pure white, -and each couple of mourners was figuratively bound together by a piece of -white rope or a handkerchief--though they merely held the ends of it in -their hands. Behind the procession followed a dog, which was led in a -leash. When the mourners had reached the neighborhood of the Tower-- -neither they nor any other human being but the bearers of the dead must -approach within thirty feet of it--they turned and went back to one of -the prayer-houses within the gates, to pray for the spirit of their dead. -The bearers unlocked the Tower's sole door and disappeared from view -within. In a little while they came out bringing the bier and the white -covering-cloth, and locked the door again. Then the ring of vultures -rose, flapping their wings, and swooped down into the Tower to devour the -body. Nothing was left of it but a clean-picked skeleton when they -flocked-out again a few minutes afterward. - -The principle which underlies and orders everything connected with a -Parsee funeral is Purity. By the tenets of the Zoroastrian religion, the -elements, Earth, Fire, and Water, are sacred, and must not be -contaminated by contact with a dead body. Hence corpses must not be -burned, neither must they be buried. None may touch the dead or enter -the Towers where they repose except certain men who are officially -appointed for that purpose. They receive high pay, but theirs is a -dismal life, for they must live apart from their species, because their -commerce with the dead defiles them, and any who should associate with -them would share their defilement. When they come out of the Tower the -clothes they are wearing are exchanged for others, in a building within -the grounds, and the ones which they have taken off are left behind, for -they are contaminated, and must never be used again or suffered to go -outside the grounds. These bearers come to every funeral in new -garments. So far as is known, no human being, other than an official -corpse-bearer--save one--has ever entered a Tower of Silence after its -consecration. Just a hundred years ago a European rushed in behind the -bearers and fed his brutal curiosity with a glimpse of the forbidden -mysteries of the place. This shabby savage's name is not given; his -quality is also concealed. These two details, taken in connection with -the fact that for his extraordinary offense the only punishment he got -from the East India Company's Government was a solemn official -"reprimand"--suggest the suspicion that he was a European of consequence. -The same public document which contained the reprimand gave warning that -future offenders of his sort, if in the Company's service, would be -dismissed; and if merchants, suffer revocation of license and exile to -England. - -The Towers are not tall, but are low in proportion to their -circumference, like a gasometer. If you should fill a gasometer half way -up with solid granite masonry, then drive a wide and deep well down -through the center of this mass of masonry, you would have the idea of a -Tower of Silence. On the masonry surrounding the well the bodies lie, in -shallow trenches which radiate like wheel-spokes from the well. The -trenches slant toward the well and carry into it the rainfall. -Underground drains, with charcoal filters in them, carry off this water -from the bottom of the well. - -When a skeleton has lain in the Tower exposed to the rain and the flaming -sun a month it is perfectly dry and clean. Then the same bearers that -brought it there come gloved and take it up with tongs and throw it into -the well. There it turns to dust. It is never seen again, never touched -again, in the world. Other peoples separate their dead, and preserve and -continue social distinctions in the grave--the skeletons of kings and -statesmen and generals in temples and pantheons proper to skeletons of -their degree, and the skeletons of the commonplace and the poor in places -suited to their meaner estate; but the Parsees hold that all men rank -alike in death--all are humble, all poor, all destitute. In sign of -their poverty they are sent to their grave naked, in sign of their -equality the bones of the rich, the poor, the illustrious and the obscure -are flung into the common well together. At a Parsee funeral there are -no vehicles; all concerned must walk, both rich and poor, howsoever great -the distance to be traversed may be. In the wells of the Five Towers of -Silence is mingled the dust of all the Parsee men and women and children -who have died in Bombay and its vicinity during the two centuries which -have elapsed since the Mohammedan conquerors drove the Parsees out of -Persia, and into that region of India. The earliest of the five towers -was built by the Modi family something more than 200 years ago, and it is -now reserved to the heirs of that house; none but the dead of that blood -are carried thither. - -The origin of at least one of the details of a Parsee funeral is not now -known--the presence of the dog. Before a corpse is borne from the house -of mourning it must be uncovered and exposed to the gaze of a dog; a dog -must also be led in the rear of the funeral. Mr. Nusserwanjee Byranijee, -Secretary to the Parsee Punchayet, said that these formalities had once -had a meaning and a reason for their institution, but that they were -survivals whose origin none could now account for. Custom and tradition -continue them in force, antiquity hallows them. It is thought that in -ancient times in Persia the dog was a sacred animal and could guide souls -to heaven; also that his eye had the power of purifying objects which had -been contaminated by the touch of the dead; and that hence his presence -with the funeral cortege provides an ever-applicable remedy in case of -need. - -The Parsees claim that their method of disposing of the dead is an -effective protection of the living; that it disseminates no corruption, -no impurities of any sort, no disease-germs; that no wrap, no garment -which has touched the dead is allowed to touch the living afterward; that -from the Towers of Silence nothing proceeds which can carry harm to the -outside world. These are just claims, I think. As a sanitary measure, -their system seems to be about the equivalent of cremation, and as sure. -We are drifting slowly--but hopefully--toward cremation in these days. -It could not be expected that this progress should be swift, but if it be -steady and continuous, even if slow, that will suffice. When cremation -becomes the rule we shall cease to shudder at it; we should shudder at -burial if we allowed ourselves to think what goes on in the grave. - -The dog was an impressive figure to me, representing as he did a mystery -whose key is lost. He was humble, and apparently depressed; and he let -his head droop pensively, and looked as if he might be trying to call -back to his mind what it was that he had used to symbolize ages ago when -he began his function. There was another impressive thing close at hand, -but I was not privileged to see it. That was the sacred fire--a fire -which is supposed to have been burning without interruption for more than -two centuries; and so, living by the same heat that was imparted to it so -long ago. - -The Parsees are a remarkable community. There are only about 60,000 in -Bombay, and only about half as many as that in the rest of India; but -they make up in importance what they lack in numbers. They are highly -educated, energetic, enterprising, progressive, rich, and the Jew himself -is not more lavish or catholic in his charities and benevolences. The -Parsees build and endow hospitals, for both men and animals; and they and -their womenkind keep an open purse for all great and good objects. They -are a political force, and a valued support to the government. They have -a pure and lofty religion, and they preserve it in its integrity and -order their lives by it. - -We took a final sweep of the wonderful view of plain and city and ocean, -and so ended our visit to the garden and the Towers of Silence; and the -last thing I noticed was another symbol--a voluntary symbol this one; it -was a vulture standing on the sawed-off top of a tall and slender and -branchless palm in an open space in the ground; he was perfectly -motionless, and looked like a piece of sculpture on a pillar. And he had -a mortuary look, too, which was in keeping with the place. - - - - -CHAPTER XLI. - -There is an old-time toast which is golden for its beauty. "when you -ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend." - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The next picture that drifts across the field of my memory is one which -is connected with religious things. We were taken by friends to see a -Jain temple. It was small, and had many flags or streamers flying from -poles standing above its roof; and its little battlements supported a -great many small idols or images. Upstairs, inside, a solitary Jain was -praying or reciting aloud in the middle of the room. Our presence did -not interrupt him, nor even incommode him or modify his fervor. Ten or -twelve feet in front of him was the idol, a small figure in a sitting -posture. It had the pinkish look of a wax doll, but lacked the doll's -roundness of limb and approximation to correctness of form and justness -of proportion. Mr. Gandhi explained every thing to us. He was delegate -to the Chicago Fair Congress of Religions. It was lucidly done, in -masterly English, but in time it faded from me, and now I have nothing -left of that episode but an impression: a dim idea of a religious belief -clothed in subtle intellectual forms, lofty and clean, barren of fleshly -grossnesses; and with this another dim impression which connects that -intellectual system somehow with that crude image, that inadequate idol-- -how, I do not know. Properly they do not seem to belong together. -Apparently the idol symbolized a person who had become a saint or a god -through accessions of steadily augmenting holiness acquired through a -series of reincarnations and promotions extending over many ages; and was -now at last a saint and qualified to vicariously receive worship and -transmit it to heaven's chancellery. Was that it? - -And thence we went to Mr. Premchand Roychand's bungalow, in Lovelane, -Byculla, where an Indian prince was to receive a deputation of the Jain -community who desired to congratulate him upon a high honor lately -conferred upon him by his sovereign, Victoria, Empress of India. She had -made him a knight of the order of the Star of India. It would seem that -even the grandest Indian prince is glad to add the modest title "Sir" to -his ancient native grandeurs, and is willing to do valuable service to -win it. He will remit taxes liberally, and will spend money freely upon -the betterment of the condition of his subjects, if there is a knighthood -to be gotten by it. And he will also do good work and a deal of it to -get a gun added to the salute allowed him by the British Government. -Every year the Empress distributes knighthoods and adds guns for public -services done by native princes. The salute of a small prince is three -or four guns; princes of greater consequence have salutes that run higher -and higher, gun by gun,--oh, clear away up to eleven; possibly more, but -I did not hear of any above eleven-gun princes. I was told that when a -four-gun prince gets a gun added, he is pretty troublesome for a while, -till the novelty wears off, for he likes the music, and keeps hunting up -pretexts to get himself saluted. It may be that supremely grand folk, -like the Nyzam of Hyderabad and the Gaikwar of Baroda, have more than -eleven guns, but I don't know. - -When we arrived at the bungalow, the large hall on the ground floor was -already about full, and carriages were still flowing into the grounds. -The company present made a fine show, an exhibition of human fireworks, -so to speak, in the matters of costume and comminglings of brilliant -color. The variety of form noticeable in the display of turbans was -remarkable. We were told that the explanation of this was, that this -Jain delegation was drawn from many parts of India, and that each man -wore the turban that was in vogue in his own region. This diversity of -turbans made a beautiful effect. - -I could have wished to start a rival exhibition there, of Christian hats -and clothes. I would have cleared one side of the room of its Indian -splendors and repacked the space with Christians drawn from America, -England, and the Colonies, dressed in the hats and habits of now, and of -twenty and forty and fifty years ago. It would have been a hideous -exhibition, a thoroughly devilish spectacle. Then there would have been -the added disadvantage of the white complexion. It is not an unbearably -unpleasant complexion when it keeps to itself, but when it comes into -competition with masses of brown and black the fact is betrayed that it -is endurable only because we are used to it. Nearly all black and brown -skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare. How rare, one -may learn by walking down a street in Paris, New York, or London on a -week-day particularly an unfashionable street--and keeping count of the -satisfactory complexions encountered in the course of a mile. Where dark -complexions are massed, they make the whites look bleached-out, -unwholesome, and sometimes frankly ghastly. I could notice this as a -boy, down South in the slavery days before the war. The splendid black -satin skin of the South African Zulus of Durban seemed to me to come very -close to perfection. I can see those Zulus yet--'ricksha athletes -waiting in front of the hotel for custom; handsome and intensely black -creatures, moderately clothed in loose summer stuffs whose snowy -whiteness made the black all the blacker by contrast. Keeping that group -in my mind, I can compare those complexions with the white ones which are -streaming past this London window now: - - A lady. Complexion, new parchment. Another lady. Complexion, old - parchment. - - Another. Pink and white, very fine. - - Man. Grayish skin, with purple areas. - - Man. Unwholesome fish-belly skin. - - Girl. Sallow face, sprinkled with freckles. - - Old woman. Face whitey-gray. - - Young butcher. Face a general red flush. - - Jaundiced man--mustard yellow. - - Elderly lady. Colorless skin, with two conspicuous moles. - - Elderly man--a drinker. Boiled-cauliflower nose in a flabby face - veined with purple crinklings. - - Healthy young gentleman. Fine fresh complexion. - - Sick young man. His face a ghastly white. - -No end of people whose skins are dull and characterless modifications of -the tint which we miscall white. Some of these faces are pimply; some -exhibit other signs of diseased blood; some show scars of a tint out of a -harmony with the surrounding shades of color. The white man's complexion -makes no concealments. It can't. It seemed to have been designed as a -catch-all for everything that can damage it. Ladies have to paint it, -and powder it, and cosmetic it, and diet it with arsenic, and enamel it, -and be always enticing it, and persuading it, and pestering it, and -fussing at it, to make it beautiful; and they do not succeed. But these -efforts show what they think of the natural complexion, as distributed. -As distributed it needs these helps. The complexion which they try to -counterfeit is one which nature restricts to the few--to the very few. -To ninety-nine persons she gives a bad complexion, to the hundredth a -good one. The hundredth can keep it--how long? Ten years, perhaps. - -The advantage is with the Zulu, I think. He starts with a beautiful -complexion, and it will last him through. And as for the Indian brown-- -firm, smooth, blemishless, pleasant and restful to the eye, afraid of no -color, harmonizing with all colors and adding a grace to them all--I -think there is no sort of chance for the average white complexion against -that rich and perfect tint. - -To return to the bungalow. The most gorgeous costume present were worn -by some children. They seemed to blaze, so bright were the colors, and -so brilliant the jewels strum over the rich materials. These children -were professional nautch-dancers, and looked like girls, but they were -boys, They got up by ones and twos and fours, and danced and sang to an -accompaniment of weird music. Their posturings and gesturings were -elaborate and graceful, but their voices were stringently raspy and -unpleasant, and there was a good deal of monotony about the tune. - -By and by there was a burst of shouts and cheers outside and the prince -with his train entered in fine dramatic style. He was a stately man, he -was ideally costumed, and fairly festooned with ropes of gems; some of -the ropes were of pearls, some were of uncut great emeralds--emeralds -renowned in Bombay for their quality and value. Their size was -marvelous, and enticing to the eye, those rocks. A boy--a princeling-- -was with the prince, and he also was a radiant exhibition. - -The ceremonies were not tedious. The prince strode to his throne with -the port and majesty--and the sternness--of a Julius Caesar coming to -receive and receipt for a back-country kingdom and have it over and get -out, and no fooling. There was a throne for the young prince, too, and -the two sat there, side by side, with their officers grouped at either -hand and most accurately and creditably reproducing the pictures which -one sees in the books --pictures which people in the prince's line of -business have been furnishing ever since Solomon received the Queen of -Sheba and showed her his things. The chief of the Jain delegation read -his paper of congratulations, then pushed it into a beautifully engraved -silver cylinder, which was delivered with ceremony into the prince's -hands and at once delivered by him without ceremony into the hands of an -officer. I will copy the address here. It is interesting, as showing -what an Indian prince's subject may have opportunity to thank him for in -these days of modern English rule, as contrasted with what his ancestor -would have given them opportunity to thank him for a century and a half -ago--the days of freedom unhampered by English interference. A century -and a half ago an address of thanks could have been put into small space. -It would have thanked the prince-- - - 1. For not slaughtering too many of his people upon mere caprice; - - 2. For not stripping them bare by sudden and arbitrary tax levies, - and bringing famine upon them; - - 3. For not upon empty pretext destroying the rich and seizing their - property; - - 4. For not killing, blinding, imprisoning, or banishing the - relatives of the royal house to protect the throne from possible - plots; - - 5. For not betraying the subject secretly, for a bribe, into the - hands of bands of professional Thugs, to be murdered and robbed in - the prince's back lot. - -Those were rather common princely industries in the old times, but they -and some others of a harsh sort ceased long ago under English rule. -Better industries have taken their place, as this Address from the Jain -community will show: - - "Your Highness,--We the undersigned members of the Jain community of - Bombay have the pleasure to approach your Highness with the - expression of our heartfelt congratulations on the recent conference - on your Highness of the Knighthood of the Most Exalted Order of the - Star of India. Ten years ago we had the pleasure and privilege of - welcoming your Highness to this city under circumstances which have - made a memorable epoch in the history of your State, for had it not - been for a generous and reasonable spirit that your Highness - displayed in the negotiations between the Palitana Durbar and the - Jain community, the conciliatory spirit that animated our people - could not have borne fruit. That was the first step in your - Highness's administration, and it fitly elicited the praise of the - Jain community, and of the Bombay Government. A decade of your - Highness's administration, combined with the abilities, training, - and acquirements that your Highness brought to bear upon it, has - justly earned for your Highness the unique and honourable - distinction--the Knighthood of the Most Exalted Order of the Star of - India, which we understand your Highness is the first to enjoy among - Chiefs of your, Highness's rank and standing. And we assure your - Highness that for this mark of honour that has been conferred on you - by Her Most Gracious Majesty, the Queen-Empress, we feel no less - proud than your Highness. Establishment of commercial factories, - schools, hospitals, etc., by your Highness in your State has marked - your Highness's career during these ten years, and we trust that - your Highness will be spared to rule over your people with wisdom - and foresight, and foster the many reforms that your Highness has - been pleased to introduce in your State. We again offer your - Highness our warmest felicitations for the honour that has been - conferred on you. We beg to remain your Highness's obedient - servants." - -Factories, schools, hospitals, reforms. The prince propagates that kind -of things in the modern times, and gets knighthood and guns for it. - -After the address the prince responded with snap and brevity; spoke a -moment with half a dozen guests in English, and with an official or two -in a native tongue; then the garlands were distributed as usual, and the -function ended. - - - - -CHAPTER XLII. - -Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others--his -last breath. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Toward midnight, that night, there was another function. This was a -Hindoo wedding--no, I think it was a betrothal ceremony. Always before, -we had driven through streets that were multitudinous and tumultuous with -picturesque native life, but now there was nothing of that. We seemed to -move through a city of the dead. There was hardly a suggestion of life -in those still and vacant streets. Even the crows were silent. But -everywhere on the ground lay sleeping natives-hundreds and hundreds. -They lay stretched at full length and tightly wrapped in blankets, beads -and all. Their attitude and their rigidity counterfeited death. The -plague was not in Bombay then, but it is devastating the city now. The -shops are deserted, now, half of the people have fled, and of the -remainder the smitten perish by shoals every day. No doubt the city -looks now in the daytime as it looked then at night. When we had pierced -deep into the native quarter and were threading its narrow dim lanes, we -had to go carefully, for men were stretched asleep all about and there -was hardly room to drive between them. And every now and then a swarm of -rats would scamper across past the horses' feet in the vague light--the -forbears of the rats that are carrying the plague from house to house in -Bombay now. The shops were but sheds, little booths open to the street; -and the goods had been removed, and on the counters families were -sleeping, usually with an oil lamp present. Recurrent dead watches, it -looked like. - -But at last we turned a corner and saw a great glare of light ahead. It -was the home of the bride, wrapped in a perfect conflagration of -illuminations,--mainly gas-work designs, gotten up specially for the -occasion. Within was abundance of brilliancy--flames, costumes, colors, -decorations, mirrors--it was another Aladdin show. - -The bride was a trim and comely little thing of twelve years, dressed as -we would dress a boy, though more expensively than we should do it, of -course. She moved about very much at her ease, and stopped and talked -with the guests and allowed her wedding jewelry to be examined. It was -very fine. Particularly a rope of great diamonds, a lovely thing to look -at and handle. It had a great emerald hanging to it. - -The bridegroom was not present. He was having betrothal festivities of -his own at his father's house. As I understood it, he and the bride were -to entertain company every night and nearly all night for a week or more, -then get married, if alive. Both of the children were a little elderly, -as brides and grooms go, in India--twelve; they ought to have been -married a year or two sooner; still to a, stranger twelve seems quite -young enough. - -A while after midnight a couple of celebrated and high-priced nautch- -girls appeared in the gorgeous place, and danced and sang. With them -were men who played upon strange instruments which made uncanny noises of -a sort to make one's flesh creep. One of these instruments was a pipe, -and to its music the girls went through a performance which represented -snake charming. It seemed a doubtful sort of music to charm anything -with, but a native gentleman assured me that snakes like it and will come -out of their holes and listen to it with every evidence of refreshment -And gratitude. He said that at an entertainment in his grounds once, the -pipe brought out half a dozen snakes, and the music had to be stopped -before they would be persuaded to go. Nobody wanted their company, for -they were bold, familiar, and dangerous; but no one would kill them, of -course, for it is sinful for a Hindoo to kill any kind of a creature. - -We withdrew from the festivities at two in the morning. Another picture, -then--but it has lodged itself in my memory rather as a stage-scene than -as a reality. It is of a porch and short flight of steps crowded with -dark faces and ghostly-white draperies flooded with the strong glare from -the dazzling concentration of illuminations; and midway of the steps one -conspicuous figure for accent--a turbaned giant, with a name according to -his size: Rao Bahadur Baskirao Balinkanje Pitale, Vakeel to his Highness -the Gaikwar of Baroda. Without him the picture would not have been -complete; and if his name had been merely Smith, he wouldn't have -answered. Close at hand on house-fronts on both sides of the narrow -street were illuminations of a kind commonly employed by the natives-- -scores of glass tumblers (containing tapers) fastened a few in inches -apart all over great latticed frames, forming starry constellations which -showed out vividly against their black back grounds. As we drew away -into the distance down the dim lanes the illuminations gathered together -into a single mass, and glowed out of the enveloping darkness like a sun. - -Then again the deep silence, the skurrying rats, the dim forms stretched -every-where on the ground; and on either hand those open booths -counterfeiting sepulchres, with counterfeit corpses sleeping motionless -in the flicker of the counterfeit death lamps. And now, a year later, -when I read the cablegrams I seem to be reading of what I myself partly -saw--saw before it happened--in a prophetic dream, as it were. One -cablegram says, "Business in the native town is about suspended. Except -the wailing and the tramp of the funerals. There is but little life or -movement. The closed shops exceed in number those that remain open." -Another says that 325,000 of the people have fled the city and are -carrying the plague to the country. Three days later comes the news, -"The population is reduced by half." The refugees have carried the -disease to Karachi; "220 cases, 214 deaths." A day or two later, "52 -fresh cases, all of which proved fatal." - -The plague carries with it a terror which no other disease can excite; -for of all diseases known to men it is the deadliest--by far the -deadliest. "Fifty-two fresh cases--all fatal." It is the Black Death -alone that slays like that. We can all imagine, after a fashion, the -desolation of a plague-stricken city, and the stupor of stillness broken -at intervals by distant bursts of wailing, marking the passing of -funerals, here and there and yonder, but I suppose it is not possible for -us to realize to ourselves the nightmare of dread and fear that possesses -the living who are present in such a place and cannot get away. That -half million fled from Bombay in a wild panic suggests to us something of -what they were feeling, but perhaps not even they could realize what the -half million were feeling whom they left stranded behind to face the -stalking horror without chance of escape. Kinglake was in Cairo many -years ago during an epidemic of the Black Death, and he has imagined the -terrors that creep into a man's heart at such a time and follow him until -they themselves breed the fatal sign in the armpit, and then the delirium -with confused images, and home-dreams, and reeling billiard-tables, and -then the sudden blank of death: - - "To the contagionist, filled as he is with the dread of final - causes, having no faith in destiny, nor in the fixed will of God, - and with none of the devil-may-care indifference which might stand - him instead of creeds--to such one, every rag that shivers in the - breeze of a plague-stricken city has this sort of sublimity. If by - any terrible ordinance he be forced to venture forth, be sees death - dangling from every sleeve; and, as he creeps forward, he poises his - shuddering limbs between the imminent jacket that is stabbing at his - right elbow and the murderous pelisse that threatens to mow him - clean down as it sweeps along on his left. But most of all he - dreads that which most of all he should love--the touch of a woman's - dress; for mothers and wives, hurrying forth on kindly errands from - the bedsides of the dying, go slouching along through the streets - more willfully and less courteously than the men. For a while it - may be that the caution of the poor Levantine may enable him to - avoid contact, but sooner or later, perhaps, the dreaded chance - arrives; that bundle of linen, with the dark tearful eyes at the top - of it, that labors along with the voluptuous clumsiness of Grisi-- - she has touched the poor Levantine with the hem of her sleeve! From - that dread moment his peace is gone; his mind for ever hanging upon - the fatal touch invites the blow which he fears; he watches for the - symptoms of plague so carefully, that sooner or later they come in - truth. The parched mouth is a sign--his mouth is parched; the - throbbing brain--his brain does throb; the rapid pulse--he touches - his own wrist (for he dares not ask counsel of any man lest he be - deserted), he touches his wrist, and feels how his frighted blood - goes galloping out of his heart. There is nothing but the fatal - swelling that is wanting to make his sad conviction complete; - immediately, he has an odd feel under the arm--no pain, but a little - straining of the skin; he would to God it were his fancy that were - strong enough to give him that sensation; this is the worst of all. - It now seems to him that he could be happy and contented with his - parched mouth, and his throbbing brain, and his rapid pulse, if only - he could know that there were no swelling under the left arm; but - dares he try?--in a moment of calmness and deliberation he dares - not; but when for a while he has writhed under the torture of - suspense, a sudden strength of will drives him to seek and know his - fate; he touches the gland, and finds the skin sane and sound but - under the cuticle there lies a small lump like a pistol-bullet, that - moves as he pushes it. Oh! but is this for all certainty, is this - the sentence of death? Feel the gland of the other arm. There is - not the same lump exactly, yet something a little like it. Have not - some people glands naturally enlarged?--would to heaven he were one! - So he does for himself the work of the plague, and when the Angel of - Death thus courted does indeed and in truth come, he has only to - finish that which has been so well begun; he passes his fiery hand - over the brain of the victim, and lets him rave for a season, but - all chance-wise, of people and things once dear, or of people and - things indifferent. Once more the poor fellow is back at his home - in fair Provence, and sees the sundial that stood in his childhood's - garden--sees his mother, and the long-since forgotten face of that - little dear sister--(he sees her, he says, on a Sunday morning, for - all the church bells are ringing); he looks up and down through the - universe, and owns it well piled with bales upon bales of cotton, - and cotton eternal--so much so that he feels--he knows--he swears he - could make that winning hazard, if the billiard-table would not - slant upwards, and if the cue were a cue worth playing with; but it - is not--it's a cue that won't move--his own arm won't move--in - short, there's the devil to pay in the brain of the poor Levantine; - and perhaps, the next night but one he becomes the "life and the - soul" of some squalling jackal family, who fish him out by the foot - from his shallow and sandy grave." - - - - -CHAPTER XLIII. - -Hunger is the handmaid of genius - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -One day during our stay in Bombay there was a criminal trial of a most -interesting sort, a terribly realistic chapter out of the "Arabian -Nights," a strange mixture of simplicities and pieties and murderous -practicalities, which brought back the forgotten days of Thuggee and made -them live again; in fact, even made them believable. It was a case where -a young girl had been assassinated for the sake of her trifling -ornaments, things not worth a laborer's day's wages in America. This -thing could have been done in many other countries, but hardly with the -cold business-like depravity, absence of fear, absence of caution, -destitution of the sense of horror, repentance, remorse, exhibited in -this case. Elsewhere the murderer would have done his crime secretly, by -night, and without witnesses; his fears would have allowed him no peace -while the dead body was in his neighborhood; he would not have rested -until he had gotten it safe out of the way and hidden as effectually as -he could hide it. But this Indian murderer does his deed in the full -light of day, cares nothing for the society of witnesses, is in no way -incommoded by the presence of the corpse, takes his own time about -disposing of it, and the whole party are so indifferent, so phlegmatic, -that they take their regular sleep as if nothing was happening and no -halters hanging over them; and these five bland people close the episode -with a religious service. The thing reads like a Meadows-Taylor Thug-tale -of half a century ago, as may be seen by the official report of the -trial: - - "At the Mazagon Police Court yesterday, Superintendent Nolan again - charged Tookaram Suntoo Savat Baya, woman, her daughter Krishni, and - Gopal Yithoo Bhanayker, before Mr. Phiroze Hoshang Dastur, Fourth - Presidency Magistrate, under sections 302 and 109 of the Code, with - having on the night of the 30th of December last murdered a Hindoo - girl named Cassi, aged 12, by strangulation, in the room of a chawl - at Jakaria Bunder, on the Sewriroad, and also with aiding and - abetting each other in the commission of the offense. - - "Mr. F. A. Little, Public Prosecutor, conducted the case on behalf - of the Crown, the accused being undefended. - - "Mr. Little applied under the provisions of the Criminal Procedure - Code to tender pardon to one of the accused, Krishni, woman, aged - 22, on her undertaking to make a true and full statement of facts - under which the deceased girl Cassi was murdered. - - "The Magistrate having granted the Public Prosecutor's application, - the accused Krishni went into the witness-box, and, on being - examined by Mr. Little, made the following confession:--I am a mill- - hand employed at the Jubilee Mill. I recollect the day (Tuesday; on - which the body of the deceased Cassi was found. Previous to that I - attended the mill for half a day, and then returned home at 3 in the - afternoon, when I saw five persons in the house, viz.: the first - accused Tookaram, who is my paramour, my mother, the second accused - Baya, the accused Gopal, and two guests named Ramji Daji and Annaji - Gungaram. Tookaram rented the room of the chawl situated at Jakaria - Bunder-road from its owner, Girdharilal Radhakishan, and in that - room I, my paramour, Tookaram, and his younger brother, Yesso - Mahadhoo, live. Since his arrival in Bombay from his native country - Yesso came and lived with us. When I returned from the mill on the - afternoon of that day, I saw the two guests seated on a cot in the - veranda, and a few minutes after the accused Gopal came and took his - seat by their side, while I and my mother were seated inside the - room. Tookaram, who had gone out to fetch some 'pan' and betelnuts, - on his return home had brought the two guests with him. After - returning home he gave them 'pan supari'. While they were eating it - my mother came out of the room and inquired of one of the guests, - Ramji, what had happened to his foot, when he replied that he had - tried many remedies, but they had done him no good. My mother then - took some rice in her hand and prophesied that the disease which - Ramji was suffering from would not be cured until he returned to his - native country. In the meantime the deceased Casi came from the - direction of an out-house, and stood in front on the threshhold of - our room with a 'lota' in her hand. Tookaram then told his two - guests to leave the room, and they then went up the steps towards - the quarry. After the guests had gone away, Tookaram seized the - deceased, who had come into the room, and he afterwards put a - waistband around her, and tied her to a post which supports a loft. - After doing this, he pressed the girl's throat, and, having tied her - mouth with the 'dhotur' (now shown in Court), fastened it to the - post. Having killed the girl, Tookaram removed her gold head - ornament and a gold 'putlee', and also took charge of her 'lota'. - Besides these two ornaments Cassi had on her person ear-studs a - nose-ring, some silver toe-rings, two necklaces, a pair of silver - anklets and bracelets. Tookaram afterwards tried to remove the - silver amulets, the ear-studs, and the nose-ring; but he failed in - his attempt. While he was doing so, I, my mother, and Gopal were - present. After removing the two gold ornaments, he handed them over - to Gopal, who was at the time standing near me. When he killed - Cassi, Tookaram threatened to strangle me also if I informed any one - of this. Gopal and myself were then standing at the door of our - room, and we both were threatened by Tookaram. My mother, Baya, had - seized the legs of the deceased at the time she was killed, and - whilst she was being tied to the post. Cassi then made a noise. - Tookaram and my mother took part in killing the girl. After the - murder her body was wrapped up in a mattress and kept on the loft - over the door of our room. When Cassi was strangled, the door of - the room was fastened from the inside by Tookaram. This deed was - committed shortly after my return home from work in the mill. - Tookaram put the body of the deceased in the mattress, and, after it - was left on the loft, he went to have his head shaved by a barber - named Sambhoo Raghoo, who lives only one door away from me. My - mother and myself then remained in the possession of the - information. I was slapped and threatened by my paramour, Tookaram, - and that was the only reason why I did not inform any one at that - time. When I told Tookaram that I would give information of the - occurrence, he slapped me. The accused Gopal was asked by Tookaram - to go back to his room, and he did so, taking away with him the two - gold ornaments and the 'lota'. Yesso Mahadhoo, a brother-in-law of - Tookaram, came to the house and asked Taokaram why he was washing, - the water-pipe being just opposite. Tookaram replied that he was - washing his dhotur, as a fowl had polluted it. About 6 o'clock of - the evening of that day my mother gave me three pice and asked me to - buy a cocoanut, and I gave the money to Yessoo, who went and fetched - a cocoanut and some betel leaves. When Yessoo and others were in - the room I was bathing, and, after I finished my bath, my mother - took the cocoanut and the betel leaves from Yessoo, and we five went - to the sea. The party consisted of Tookaram, my mother, Yessoo, - Tookaram's younger brother, and myself. On reaching the seashore, - my mother made the offering to the sea, and prayed to be pardoned - for what we had done. Before we went to the sea, some one came to - inquire after the girl Cassi. The police and other people came to - make these inquiries both before and after we left the house for the - seashore. The police questioned my mother about the girl, and she - replied that Cassi had come to her door, but had left. The next day - the police questioned Tookaram, and he, too, gave a similar reply. - This was said the same night when the search was made for the girl. - After the offering was made to the sea, we partook of the cocoanut - and returned home, when my mother gave me some food; but Tookaram - did not partake of any food that night. After dinner I and my - mother slept inside the room, and Tookaram slept on a cot near his - brother-in-law, Yessoo Mahadhoo, just outside the door. That was - not the usual place where Tookaram slept. He usually slept inside - the room. The body of the deceased remained on the loft when I went - to sleep. The room in which we slept was locked, and I heard that - my paramour, Tookaram, was restless outside. About 3 o'clock the - following morning Tookaram knocked at the door, when both myself and - my mother opened it. He then told me to go to the steps leading to - the quarry, and see if any one was about. Those steps lead to a - stable, through which we go to the quarry at the back of the - compound. When I got to the steps I saw no one there. Tookaram - asked me if any one was there, and I replied that I could see no one - about. He then took the body of the deceased from the loft, and - having wrapped it up in his saree, asked me to accompany him to the - steps of the quarry, and I did so. The 'saree' now produced here - was the same. Besides the 'saree', there was also a 'cholee' on the - body. He then carried the body in his arms, and went up the steps, - through the stable, and then to the right hand towards a Sahib's - bungalow, where Tookaram placed the body near a wall. All the time - I and my mother were with him. When the body was taken down, Yessoo - was lying on the cot. After depositing the body under the wall, we - all returned home, and soon after 5 a.m. the police again came and - took Tookaram away. About an hour after they returned and took me - and my mother away. We were questioned about it, when I made a - statement. Two hours later I was taken to the room, and I pointed - out this waistband, the 'dhotur', the mattress, and the wooden post - to Superintendent Nolan and Inspectors Roberts and Rashanali, in the - presence of my mother and Tookaram. Tookaram killed the girl Cassi - for her ornaments, which he wanted for the girl to whom he was - shortly going to be married. The body was found in the same place - where it was deposited by Tookaram." - -The criminal side of the native has always been picturesque, always -readable. The Thuggee and one or two other particularly outrageous -features of it have been suppressed by the English, but there is enough -of it left to keep it darkly interesting. One finds evidence of these -survivals in the newspapers. Macaulay has a light-throwing passage upon -this matter in his great historical sketch of Warren Hastings, where he -is describing some effects which followed the temporary paralysis of -Hastings' powerful government brought about by Sir Philip Francis and his -party: - - "The natives considered Hastings as a fallen man; and they acted - after their kind. Some of our readers may have seen, in India, a - cloud of crows pecking a sick vulture to death--no bad type of what - happens in that country as often as fortune deserts one who has been - great and dreaded. In an instant all the sycophants, who had lately - been ready to lie for him, to forge for him, to pander for him, to - poison for him, hasten to purchase the favor of his victorious - enemies by accusing him. An Indian government has only to let it be - understood that it wishes a particular man to be ruined, and in - twenty-four hours it will be furnished with grave charges, supported - by depositions so full and circumstantial that any person - unaccustomed to Asiatic mendacity would regard them as decisive. It - is well if the signature of the destined victim is not counterfeited - at the foot of some illegal compact, and if some treasonable paper - is not slipped into a hiding-place in his house." - -That was nearly a century and a quarter ago. An article in one of the -chief journals of India (the Pioneer) shows that in some respects the -native of to-day is just what his ancestor was then. Here are niceties -of so subtle and delicate a sort that they lift their breed of rascality -to a place among the fine arts, and almost entitle it to respect: - - "The records of the Indian courts might certainly be relied upon to - prove that swindlers as a class in the East come very close to, if - they do not surpass, in brilliancy of execution and originality of - design the most expert of their fraternity in Europe and America. - India in especial is the home of forgery. There are some particular - districts which are noted as marts for the finest specimens of the - forger's handiwork. The business is carried on by firms who possess - stores of stamped papers to suit every emergency. They habitually - lay in a store of fresh stamped papers every year, and some of the - older and more thriving houses can supply documents for the past - forty years, bearing the proper water-mark and possessing the - genuine appearance of age. Other districts have earned notoriety - for skilled perjury, a pre-eminence that excites a respectful - admiration when one thinks of the universal prevalence of the art, - and persons desirous of succeeding in false suits are ready to pay - handsomely to avail themselves of the services of these local - experts as witnesses." - -Various instances illustrative of the methods of these swindlers are -given. They exhibit deep cunning and total depravity on the part of the -swindler and his pals, and more obtuseness on the part of the victim than -one would expect to find in a country where suspicion of your neighbor -must surely be one of the earliest things learned. The favorite subject -is the young fool who has just come into a fortune and is trying to see -how poor a use he can put it to. I will quote one example: - - "Sometimes another form of confidence trick is adopted, which is - invariably successful. The particular pigeon is spotted, and, his - acquaintance having been made, he is encouraged in every form of - vice. When the friendship is thoroughly established, the swindler - remarks to the young man that he has a brother who has asked him to - lend him Rs.10,000. The swindler says he has the money and would - lend it; but, as the borrower is his brother, he cannot charge - interest. So he proposes that he should hand the dupe the money, - and the latter should lend it to the swindler's brother, exacting a - heavy pre-payment of interest which, it is pointed out, they may - equally enjoy in dissipation. The dupe sees no objection, and on - the appointed day receives Rs.7,000 from the swindler, which he - hands over to the confederate. The latter is profuse in his thanks, - and executes a promissory note for Rs.10,000, payable to bearer. - The swindler allows the scheme to remain quiescent for a time, and - then suggests that, as the money has not been repaid and as it would - be unpleasant to sue his brother, it would be better to sell the - note in the bazaar. The dupe hands the note over, for the money he - advanced was not his, and, on being informed that it would be - necessary to have his signature on the back so as to render the - security negotiable, he signs without any hesitation. The swindler - passes it on to confederates, and the latter employ a respectable - firm of solicitors to ask the dupe if his signature is genuine. He - admits it at once, and his fate is sealed. A suit is filed by a - confederate against the dupe, two accomplices being made co- - defendants. They admit their Signatures as indorsers, and the one - swears he bought the note for value from the dupe The latter has no - defense, for no court would believe the apparently idle explanation - of the manner in which he came to endorse the note." - -There is only one India! It is the only country that has a monopoly of -grand and imposing specialties. When another country has a remarkable -thing, it cannot have it all to itself--some other country has a -duplicate. But India--that is different. Its marvels are its own; the -patents cannot be infringed; imitations are not possible. And think of -the size of them, the majesty of them, the weird and outlandish character -of the most of them! - -There is the Plague, the Black Death: India invented it; India is the -cradle of that mighty birth. - -The Car of Juggernaut was India's invention. - -So was the Suttee; and within the time of men still living eight hundred -widows willingly, and, in fact, rejoicingly, burned themselves to death -on the bodies of their dead husbands in a single year. Eight hundred -would do it this year if the British government would let them. - -Famine is India's specialty. Elsewhere famines are inconsequential -incidents--in India they are devastating cataclysms; in one case they -annihilate hundreds; in the other, millions. - -India had 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion all other -countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. - -With her everything is on a giant scale--even her poverty; no other -country can show anything to compare with it. And she has been used to -wealth on so vast a scale that she has to shorten to single words the -expressions describing great sums. She describes 100,000 with one word-- -a 'lahk'; she describes ten millions with one word--a 'crore'. - -In the bowels of the granite mountains she has patiently carved out -dozens of vast temples, and made them glorious with sculptured colonnades -and stately groups of statuary, and has adorned the eternal walls with -noble paintings. She has built fortresses of such magnitude that the -show-strongholds of the rest of the world are but modest little things by -comparison; palaces that are wonders for rarity of materials, delicacy -and beauty of workmanship, and for cost; and one tomb which men go around -the globe to see. It takes eighty nations, speaking eighty languages, to -people her, and they number three hundred millions. - -On top of all this she is the mother and home of that wonder of wonders -caste--and of that mystery of mysteries, the satanic brotherhood of the -Thugs. - -India had the start of the whole world in the beginning of things. She -had the first civilization; she had the first accumulation of material -wealth; she was populous with deep thinkers and subtle intellects; she -had mines, and woods, and a fruitful soil. It would seem as if she -should have kept the lead, and should be to-day not the meek dependent of -an alien master, but mistress of the world, and delivering law and -command to every tribe and nation in it. But, in truth, there was never -any possibility of such supremacy for her. If there had been but one -India and one language--but there were eighty of them! Where there are -eighty nations and several hundred governments, fighting and quarreling -must be the common business of life; unity of purpose and policy are -impossible; out of such elements supremacy in the world cannot come. -Even caste itself could have had the defeating effect of a multiplicity -of tongues, no doubt; for it separates a people into layers, and layers, -and still other layers, that have no community of feeling with each -other; and in such a condition of things as that, patriotism can have no -healthy growth. - -It was the division of the country into so many States and nations that -made Thuggee possible and prosperous. It is difficult to realize the -situation. But perhaps one may approximate it by imagining the States of -our Union peopled by separate nations, speaking separate languages, with -guards and custom-houses strung along all frontiers, plenty of -interruptions for travelers and traders, interpreters able to handle all -the languages very rare or non-existent, and a few wars always going on -here and there and yonder as a further embarrassment to commerce and -excursioning. It would make intercommunication in a measure ungeneral. -India had eighty languages, and more custom-houses than cats. No clever -man with the instinct of a highway robber could fail to notice what a -chance for business was here offered. India was full of clever men with -the highwayman instinct, and so, quite naturally, the brotherhood of the -Thugs came into being to meet the long-felt want. - -How long ago that was nobody knows-centuries, it is supposed. One of the -chiefest wonders connected with it was the success with which it kept its -secret. The English trader did business in India two hundred years and -more before he ever heard of it; and yet it was assassinating its -thousands all around him every year, the whole time. - - - - -CHAPTER XLIV. - -The old saw says, "Let a sleeping dog lie." Right.... Still, when there -is much at stake it is better to get a newspaper to do it. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -FROM DIARY: - -January 28. I learned of an official Thug-book the other day. I was -not aware before that there was such a thing. I am allowed the temporary -use of it. We are making preparations for travel. Mainly the -preparations are purchases of bedding. This is to be used in sleeping -berths in the trains; in private houses sometimes; and in nine-tenths of -the hotels. It is not realizable; and yet it is true. It is a survival; -an apparently unnecessary thing which in some strange way has outlived -the conditions which once made it necessary. It comes down from a time -when the railway and the hotel did not exist; when the occasional white -traveler went horseback or by bullock-cart, and stopped over night in the -small dak-bungalow provided at easy distances by the government--a -shelter, merely, and nothing more. He had to carry bedding along, or do -without. The dwellings of the English residents are spacious and -comfortable and commodiously furnished, and surely it must be an odd -sight to see half a dozen guests come filing into such a place and -dumping blankets and pillows here and there and everywhere. But custom -makes incongruous things congruous. - -One buys the bedding, with waterproof hold-all for it at almost any shop ---there is no difficulty about it. - -January 30. What a spectacle the railway station was, at train-time! It -was a very large station, yet when we arrived it seemed as if the whole -world was present--half of it inside, the other half outside, and both -halves, bearing mountainous head-loads of bedding and other freight, -trying simultaneously to pass each other, in opposing floods, in one -narrow door. These opposing floods were patient, gentle, long-suffering -natives, with whites scattered among them at rare intervals; and wherever -a white man's native servant appeared, that native seemed to have put -aside his natural gentleness for the time and invested himself with the -white man's privilege of making a way for himself by promptly shoving all -intervening black things out of it. In these exhibitions of authority -Satan was scandalous. He was probably a Thug in one of his former -incarnations. - -Inside the great station, tides upon tides of rainbow-costumed natives -swept along, this way and that, in massed and bewildering confusion, -eager, anxious, belated, distressed; and washed up to the long trains and -flowed into them with their packs and bundles, and disappeared, followed -at once by the next wash, the next wave. And here and there, in the -midst of this hurly-burly, and seemingly undisturbed by it, sat great -groups of natives on the bare stone floor,--young, slender brown women, -old, gray wrinkled women, little soft brown babies, old men, young men, -boys; all poor people, but all the females among them, both big and -little, bejeweled with cheap and showy nose-rings, toe-rings, leglets, -and armlets, these things constituting all their wealth, no doubt. These -silent crowds sat there with their humble bundles and baskets and small -household gear about them, and patiently waited--for what? A train that -was to start at some time or other during the day or night! They hadn't -timed themselves well, but that was no matter--the thing had been so -ordered from on high, therefore why worry? There was plenty of time, -hours and hours of it, and the thing that was to happen would happen-- -there was no hurrying it. - -The natives traveled third class, and at marvelously cheap rates. They -were packed and crammed into cars that held each about fifty; and it was -said that often a Brahmin of the highest caste was thus brought into -personal touch, and consequent defilement, with persons of the lowest -castes--no doubt a very shocking thing if a body could understand it and -properly appreciate it. Yes, a Brahmin who didn't own a rupee and -couldn't borrow one, might have to touch elbows with a rich hereditary -lord of inferior caste, inheritor of an ancient title a couple of yards -long, and he would just have to stand it; for if either of the two was -allowed to go in the cars where the sacred white people were, it probably -wouldn't be the august poor Brahmin. There was an immense string of -those third-class cars, for the natives travel by hordes; and a weary -hard night of it the occupants would have, no doubt. - -When we reached our car, Satan and Barney had already arrived there with -their train of porters carrying bedding and parasols and cigar boxes, and -were at work. We named him Barney for short; we couldn't use his real -name, there wasn't time. - -It was a car that promised comfort; indeed, luxury. Yet the cost of it-- -well, economy could no further go; even in France; not even in Italy. It -was built of the plainest and cheapest partially-smoothed boards, with a -coating of dull paint on them, and there was nowhere a thought of -decoration. The floor was bare, but would not long remain so when the -dust should begin to fly. Across one end of the compartment ran a -netting for the accommodation of hand-baggage; at the other end was a -door which would shut, upon compulsion, but wouldn't stay shut; it opened -into a narrow little closet which had a wash-bowl in one end of it, and a -place to put a towel, in case you had one with you--and you would be sure -to have towels, because you buy them with the bedding, knowing that the -railway doesn't furnish them. On each side of the car, and running fore -and aft, was a broad leather-covered sofa to sit on in the day and sleep -on at night. Over each sofa hung, by straps, a wide, flat, leather- -covered shelf--to sleep on. In the daytime you can hitch it up against -the wall, out of the way--and then you have a big unencumbered and most -comfortable room to spread out in. No car in any country is quite its -equal for comfort (and privacy) I think. For usually there are but two -persons in it; and even when there are four there is but little sense of -impaired privacy. Our own cars at home can surpass the railway world in -all details but that one: they have no cosiness; there are too many -people together. - -At the foot of each sofa was a side-door, for entrance and exit. -Along the whole length of the sofa on each side of the car ran a row of -large single-plate windows, of a blue tint-blue to soften the bitter -glare of the sun and protect one's eyes from torture. These could be let -down out of the way when one wanted the breeze. In the roof were two oil -lamps which gave a light strong enough to read by; each had a green-cloth -attachment by which it could be covered when the light should be no -longer needed. - -While we talked outside with friends, Barney and Satan placed the hand- -baggage, books, fruits, and soda-bottles in the racks, and the hold-alls -and heavy baggage in the closet, hung the overcoats and sun-helmets and -towels on the hooks, hoisted the two bed-shelves up out of the way, then -shouldered their bedding and retired to the third class. - -Now then, you see what a handsome, spacious, light, airy, homelike place -it was, wherein to walk up and down, or sit and write, or stretch out and -read and smoke. A central door in the forward end of the compartment -opened into a similar compartment. It was occupied by my wife and -daughter. About nine in the evening, while we halted a while at a -station, Barney and Satan came and undid the clumsy big hold-alls, and -spread the bedding on the sofas in both compartments--mattresses, sheets, -gay coverlets, pillows, all complete; there are no chambermaids in India ---apparently it was an office that was never heard of. Then they closed -the communicating door, nimbly tidied up our place, put the night- -clothing on the beds and the slippers under them, then returned to their -own quarters. - -January 31. It was novel and pleasant, and I stayed awake as long as I -could, to enjoy it, and to read about those strange people the Thugs. In -my sleep they remained with me, and tried to strangle me. The leader of -the gang was that giant Hindoo who was such a picture in the strong light -when we were leaving those Hindoo betrothal festivities at two o'clock in -the morning--Rao Bahadur Baskirao Balinkanje Pitale, Vakeel to the -Gaikwar of Baroda. It was he that brought me the invitation from his -master to go to Baroda and lecture to that prince--and now he was -misbehaving in my dreams. But all things can happen in dreams. It is -indeed as the Sweet Singer of Michigan says--irrelevantly, of course, for -the one and unfailing great quality which distinguishes her poetry from -Shakespeare's and makes it precious to us is its stern and simple -irrelevancy: - - My heart was gay and happy, - This was ever in my mind, - There is better times a coming, - And I hope some day to find - Myself capable of composing, - It was my heart's delight - To compose on a sentimental subject - If it came in my mind just right. - ---["The Sentimental Song Book," p. 49; theme, "The Author's Early Life," -19th stanza.] - - -Barroda. Arrived at 7 this morning. The dawn was just beginning to -show. It was forlorn to have to turn out in a strange place at such a -time, and the blinking lights in the station made it seem night still. -But the gentlemen who had come to receive us were there with their -servants, and they make quick work; there was no lost time. We were soon -outside and moving swiftly through the soft gray light, and presently -were comfortably housed--with more servants to help than we were used to, -and with rather embarassingly important officials to direct them. But it -was custom; they spoke Ballarat English, their bearing was charming and -hospitable, and so all went well. - -Breakfast was a satisfaction. Across the lawns was visible in the -distance through the open window an Indian well, with two oxen tramping -leisurely up and down long inclines, drawing water; and out of the -stillness came the suffering screech of the machinery--not quite musical, -and yet soothingly melancholy and dreamy and reposeful--a wail of lost -spirits, one might imagine. And commemorative and reminiscent, perhaps; -for of course the Thugs used to throw people down that well when they -were done with them. - -After breakfast the day began, a sufficiently busy one. We were driven -by winding roads through a vast park, with noble forests of great trees, -and with tangles and jungles of lovely growths of a humbler sort; and at -one place three large gray apes came out and pranced across the road--a -good deal of a surprise and an unpleasant one, for such creatures belong -in the menagerie, and they look artificial and out of place in a -wilderness. - -We came to the city, by and by, and drove all through it. Intensely -Indian, it was, and crumbly, and mouldering, and immemorially old, to all -appearance. And the houses--oh, indescribably quaint and curious they -were, with their fronts an elaborate lace-work of intricate and beautiful -wood-carving, and now and then further adorned with rude pictures of -elephants and princes and gods done in shouting colors; and all the -ground floors along these cramped and narrow lanes occupied as shops-- -shops unbelievably small and impossibly packed with merchantable rubbish, -and with nine-tenths-naked natives squatting at their work of hammering, -pounding, brazing, soldering, sewing, designing, cooking, measuring out -grain, grinding it, repairing idols--and then the swarm of ragged and -noisy humanity under the horses' feet and everywhere, and the pervading -reek and fume and smell! It was all wonderful and delightful. - -Imagine a file of elephants marching through such a crevice of a street -and scraping the paint off both sides of it with their hides. How big -they must look, and how little they must make the houses look; and when -the elephants are in their glittering court costume, what a contrast they -must make with the humble and sordid surroundings. And when a mad -elephant goes raging through, belting right and left with his trunk, how -do these swarms of people get out of the way? I suppose it is a thing -which happens now and then in the mad season (for elephants have a mad -season). - -I wonder how old the town is. There are patches of building--massive -structures, monuments, apparently--that are so battered and worn, and -seemingly so tired and so burdened with the weight of age, and so dulled -and stupefied with trying to remember things they forgot before history -began, that they give one the feeling that they must have been a part of -original Creation. This is indeed one of the oldest of the princedoms of -India, and has always been celebrated for its barbaric pomps and -splendors, and for the wealth of its princes. - - - - -CHAPTER XLV. - -It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the -heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Out of the town again; a long drive through open country, by winding -roads among secluded villages nestling in the inviting shade of tropic -vegetation, a Sabbath stillness everywhere, sometimes a pervading sense -of solitude, but always barefoot natives gliding by like spirits, without -sound of footfall, and others in the distance dissolving away and -vanishing like the creatures of dreams. Now and then a string of stately -camels passed by--always interesting things to look at--and they were -velvet-shod by nature, and made no noise. Indeed, there were no noises -of any sort in this paradise. Yes, once there was one, for a moment: a -file of native convicts passed along in charge of an officer, and we -caught the soft clink of their chains. In a retired spot, resting -himself under a tree, was a holy person--a naked black fakeer, thin and -skinny, and whitey-gray all over with ashes. - -By and by to the elephant stables, and I took a ride; but it was by -request--I did not ask for it, and didn't want it; but I took it, because -otherwise they would have thought I was afraid, which I was. The -elephant kneels down, by command--one end of him at a time--and you climb -the ladder and get into the howdah, and then he gets up, one end at a -time, just as a ship gets up over a wave; and after that, as he strides -monstrously about, his motion is much like a ship's motion. The mahout -bores into the back of his head with a great iron prod and you wonder at -his temerity and at the elephant's patience, and you think that perhaps -the patience will not last; but it does, and nothing happens. The mahout -talks to the elephant in a low voice all the time, and the elephant seems -to understand it all and to be pleased with it; and he obeys every order -in the most contented and docile way. Among these twenty-five elephants -were two which were larger than any I had ever seen before, and if I had -thought I could learn to not be afraid, I would have taken one of them -while the police were not looking. - -In the howdah-house there were many howdahs that were made of silver, one -of gold, and one of old ivory, and equipped with cushions and canopies of -rich and costly stuffs. The wardrobe of the elephants was there, too; -vast velvet covers stiff and heavy with gold embroidery; and bells of -silver and gold; and ropes of these metals for fastening the things on -harness, so to speak; and monster hoops of massive gold for the elephant -to wear on his ankles when he is out in procession on business of state. - -But we did not see the treasury of crown jewels, and that was a -disappointment, for in mass and richness it ranks only second in India. -By mistake we were taken to see the new palace instead, and we used up -the last remnant of our spare time there. It was a pity, too; for the -new palace is mixed modern American-European, and has not a merit except -costliness. It is wholly foreign to India, and impudent and out of -place. The architect has escaped. This comes of overdoing the -suppression of the Thugs; they had their merits. The old palace is -oriental and charming, and in consonance with the country. The old -palace would still be great if there were nothing of it but the spacious -and lofty hall where the durbars are held. It is not a good place to -lecture in, on account of the echoes, but it is a good place to hold -durbars in and regulate the affairs of a kingdom, and that is what it is -for. If I had it I would have a durbar every day, instead of once or -twice a year. - -The prince is an educated gentleman. His culture is European. He has -been in Europe five times. People say that this is costly amusement for -him, since in crossing the sea he must sometimes be obliged to drink -water from vessels that are more or less public, and thus damage his -caste. To get it purified again he must make pilgrimage to some renowned -Hindoo temples and contribute a fortune or two to them. His people are -like the other Hindoos, profoundly religious; and they could not be -content with a master who was impure. - -We failed to see the jewels, but we saw the gold cannon and the silver -one--they seemed to be six-pounders. They were not designed for -business, but for salutes upon rare and particularly important state -occasions. An ancestor of the present Gaikwar had the silver one made, -and a subsequent ancestor had the gold one made, in order to outdo him. - -This sort of artillery is in keeping with the traditions of Baroda, which -was of old famous for style and show. It used to entertain visiting -rajahs and viceroys with tiger-fights, elephant-fights, illuminations, -and elephant-processions of the most glittering and gorgeous character. - -It makes the circus a pale, poor thing. - -In the train, during a part of the return journey from Baroda, we had the -company of a gentleman who had with him a remarkable looking dog. I had -not seen one of its kind before, as far as I could remember; though of -course I might have seen one and not noticed it, for I am not acquainted -with dogs, but only with cats. This dog's coat was smooth and shiny and -black, and I think it had tan trimmings around the edges of the dog, and -perhaps underneath. It was a long, low dog, with very short, strange -legs--legs that curved inboard, something like parentheses wrong way (. -Indeed, it was made on the plan of a bench for length and lowness. It -seemed to be satisfied, but I thought the plan poor, and structurally -weak, on account of the distance between the forward supports and those -abaft. With age the dog's back was likely to sag; and it seemed to me -that it would have been a stronger and more practicable dog if it had had -some more legs. It had not begun to sag yet, but the shape of the legs -showed that the undue weight imposed upon them was beginning to tell. -It had a long nose, and floppy ears that hung down, and a resigned -expression of countenance. I did not like to ask what kind of a dog it -was, or how it came to be deformed, for it was plain that the gentleman -was very fond of it, and naturally he could be sensitive about it. From -delicacy I thought it best not to seem to notice it too much. No doubt a -man with a dog like that feels just as a person does who has a child that -is out of true. The gentleman was not merely fond of the dog, he was -also proud of it--just the same again, as a mother feels about her child -when it is an idiot. I could see that he was proud of it, not- -withstanding it was such a long dog and looked so resigned and pious. It -had been all over the world with him, and had been pilgriming like that -for years and years. It had traveled 50,000 miles by sea and rail, and -had ridden in front of him on his horse 8,000. It had a silver medal -from the Geographical Society of Great Britain for its travels, and I saw -it. It had won prizes in dog shows, both in India and in England--I saw -them. He said its pedigree was on record in the Kennel Club, and that it -was a well-known dog. He said a great many people in London could -recognize it the moment they saw it. I did not say anything, but I did -not think it anything strange; I should know that dog again, myself, yet -I am not careful about noticing dogs. He said that when he walked along -in London, people often stopped and looked at the dog. Of course I did -not say anything, for I did not want to hurt his feelings, but I could -have explained to him that if you take a great long low dog like that and -waddle it along the street anywhere in the world and not charge anything, -people will stop and look. He was gratified because the dog took prizes. -But that was nothing; if I were built like that I could take prizes -myself. I wished I knew what kind of a dog it was, and what it was for, -but I could not very well ask, for that would show that I did not know. -Not that I want a dog like that, but only to know the secret of its -birth. - -I think he was going to hunt elephants with it, because I know, from -remarks dropped by him, that he has hunted large game in India and -Africa, and likes it. But I think that if he tries to hunt elephants -with it, he is going to be disappointed. - -I do not believe that it is suited for elephants. It lacks energy, it -lacks force of character, it lacks bitterness. These things all show in -the meekness and resignation of its expression. It would not attack an -elephant, I am sure of it. It might not run if it saw one coming, but it -looked to me like a dog that would sit down and pray. - -I wish he had told me what breed it was, if there are others; but I shall -know the dog next time, and then if I can bring myself to it I will put -delicacy aside and ask. If I seem strangely interested in dogs, I have a -reason for it; for a dog saved me from an embarrassing position once, and -that has made me grateful to these animals; and if by study I could learn -to tell some of the kinds from the others, I should be greatly pleased. -I only know one kind apart, yet, and that is the kind that saved me that -time. I always know that kind when I meet it, and if it is hungry or -lost I take care of it. The matter happened in this way - -It was years and years ago. I had received a note from Mr. Augustin Daly -of the Fifth Avenue Theatre, asking me to call the next time I should be -in New York. I was writing plays, in those days, and he was admiring -them and trying to get me a chance to get them played in Siberia. I took -the first train--the early one--the one that leaves Hartford at 8.29 in -the morning. At New Haven I bought a paper, and found it filled with -glaring display-lines about a "bench-show" there. I had often heard of -bench-shows, but had never felt any interest in them, because I supposed -they were lectures that were not well attended. It turned out, now, that -it was not that, but a dog-show. There was a double-leaded column about -the king-feature of this one, which was called a Saint Bernard, and was -worth $10,000, and was known to be the largest and finest of his species -in the world. I read all this with interest, because out of my school- -boy readings I dimly remembered how the priests and pilgrims of St. -Bernard used to go out in the storms and dig these dogs out of the -snowdrifts when lost and exhausted, and give them brandy and save their -lives, and drag them to the monastery and restore them with gruel. - -Also, there was a picture of this prize-dog in the paper, a noble great -creature with a benignant countenance, standing by a table. He was -placed in that way so that one could get a right idea of his great -dimensions. You could see that he was just a shade higher than the -table--indeed, a huge fellow for a dog. Then there was a description -which event into the details. It gave his enormous weight--150 1/2 -pounds, and his length 4 feet 2 inches, from stem to stern-post; and his -height--3 feet 1 inch, to the top of his back. The pictures and the -figures so impressed me, that I could see the beautiful colossus before -me, and I kept on thinking about him for the next two hours; then I -reached New York, and he dropped out of my mind. - -In the swirl and tumult of the hotel lobby I ran across Mr. Daly's -comedian, the late James Lewis, of beloved memory, and I casually -mentioned that I was going to call upon Mr. Daly in the evening at 8. -He looked surprised, and said he reckoned not. For answer I handed him -Mr. Daly's note. Its substance was: "Come to my private den, over the -theater, where we cannot be interrupted. And come by the back way, not -the front. No. 642 Sixth Avenue is a cigar shop; pass through it and you -are in a paved court, with high buildings all around; enter the second -door on the left, and come up stairs." - -"Is this all?" - -"Yes," I said. - -"Well, you'll never get in" - -"Why?" - -"Because you won't. Or if you do you can draw on me for a hundred -dollars; for you will be the first man that has accomplished it in -twenty-five years. I can't think what Mr. Daly can have been absorbed -in. He has forgotten a most important detail, and he will feel -humiliated in the morning when he finds that you tried to get in and -couldn't." - -"Why, what is the trouble?" - -"I'll tell you. You see----" - -At that point we were swept apart by the crowd, somebody detained me with -a moment's talk, and we did not get together again. But it did not -matter; I believed he was joking, anyway. - -At eight in the evening I passed through the cigar shop and into the -court and knocked at the second door. - -"Come in!" - -I entered. It was a small room, carpetless, dusty, with a naked deal -table, and two cheap wooden chairs for furniture. A giant Irishman was -standing there, with shirt collar and vest unbuttoned, and no coat on. I -put my hat on the table, and was about to say something, when the -Irishman took the innings himself. And not with marked courtesy of tone: - -"Well, sor, what will you have?" - -I was a little disconcerted, and my easy confidence suffered a shrinkage. -The man stood as motionless as Gibraltar, and kept his unblinking eye -upon me. It was very embarrassing, very humiliating. I stammered at a -false start or two; then---- - -"I have just run down from----" - -"Av ye plaze, ye'll not smoke here, ye understand." - -I laid my cigar on the window-ledge; chased my flighty thoughts a moment, -then said in a placating manner: - -"I--I have come to see Mr. Daly." - -"Oh, ye have, have ye?" - -"Yes" - -"Well, ye'll not see him." - -"But he asked me to come." - -"Oh, he did, did he?" - -"Yes, he sent me this note, and----" - -"Lemme see it." - -For a moment I fancied there would be a change in the atmosphere, now; -but this idea was premature. The big man was examining the note -searchingly under the gas-jet. A glance showed me that he had it upside -down--disheartening evidence that he could not read. - -"Is ut his own handwrite?" - -"Yes--he wrote it himself." - -"He did, did he?" - -"Yes." - -"H'm. Well, then, why ud he write it like that?" - -"How do you mean?" - -"I mane, why wudn't he put his naime to ut?" - -"His name is to it. That's not it--you are looking at my name." - -I thought that that was a home shot, but he did not betray that he had -been hit. He said: - -"It's not an aisy one to spell; how do you pronounce ut?" - -"Mark Twain." - -"H'm. H'm. Mike Train. H'm. I don't remember ut. What is it ye want -to see him about?" - -"It isn't I that want to see him, he wants to see me." - -"Oh, he does, does he?" - -"Yes." - -"What does he want to see ye about?" - -"I don't know." - -"Ye don't know! And ye confess it, becod ! Well, I can tell ye wan -thing--ye'll not see him. Are ye in the business?" - -"What business?" - -"The show business." - -A fatal question. I recognized that I was defeated. If I answered no, -he would cut the matter short and wave me to the door without the grace -of a word--I saw it in his uncompromising eye; if I said I was a -lecturer, he would despise me, and dismiss me with opprobrious words; if -I said I was a dramatist, he would throw me out of the window. I saw -that my case was hopeless, so I chose the course which seemed least -humiliating: I would pocket my shame and glide out without answering. -The silence was growing lengthy. - -"I'll ask ye again. Are ye in the show business yerself?" - -"Yes!" - -I said it with splendid confidence; for in that moment the very twin of -that grand New Haven dog loafed into the room, and I saw that Irishman's -eye light eloquently with pride and affection. - -"Ye are? And what is it?" - -"I've got a bench-show in New Haven." - -The weather did change then. - -"You don't say, sir! And that's your show, sir! Oh, it's a grand show, -it's a wonderful show, sir, and a proud man I am to see your honor this -day. And ye'll be an expert, sir, and ye'll know all about dogs--more -than ever they know theirselves, I'll take me oath to ut." - -I said, with modesty: - -"I believe I have some reputation that way. In fact, my business -requires it." - -"Ye have some reputation, your honor! Bedad I believe you! There's not -a jintleman in the worrld that can lay over ye in the judgmint of a dog, -sir. Now I'll vinture that your honor'll know that dog's dimensions -there better than he knows them his own self, and just by the casting of -your educated eye upon him. Would you mind giving a guess, if ye'll be -so good?" - -I knew that upon my answer would depend my fate. If I made this dog -bigger than the prize-dog, it would be bad diplomacy, and suspicious; if -I fell too far short of the prizedog, that would be equally damaging. -The dog was standing by the table, and I believed I knew the difference -between him and the one whose picture I had seen in the newspaper to a -shade. I spoke promptly up and said: - -"It's no trouble to guess this noble creature's figures height, three -feet; length, four feet and three-quarters of an inch; weight, a hundred -and forty-eight and a quarter." - -The man snatched his hat from its peg and danced on it with joy, -shouting: - -"Ye've hardly missed it the hair's breadth, hardly the shade of a shade, -your honor! Oh, it's the miraculous eye ye've got, for the judgmint of a -dog!" - -And still pouring out his admiration of my capacities, he snatched off -his vest and scoured off one of the wooden chairs with it, and scrubbed -it and polished it, and said: - -"There, sit down, your honor, I'm ashamed of meself that I forgot ye were -standing all this time; and do put on your hat, ye mustn't take cold, -it's a drafty place; and here is your cigar, sir, a getting cold, I'll -give ye a light. There. The place is all yours, sir, and if ye'll just -put your feet on the table and make yourself at home, I'll stir around -and get a candle and light ye up the ould crazy stairs and see that ye -don't come to anny harm, for be this time Mr. Daly'll be that impatient -to see your honor that he'll be taking the roof off." - -He conducted me cautiously and tenderly up the stairs, lighting the way -and protecting me with friendly warnings, then pushed the door open and -bowed me in and went his way, mumbling hearty things about my wonderful -eye for points of a dog. Mr. Daly was writing and had his back to me. -He glanced over his shoulder presently, then jumped up and said-- - -"Oh, dear me, I forgot all about giving instructions. I was just writing -you to beg a thousand pardons. But how is it you are here? How did you -get by that Irishman? You are the first man that's done it in five and -twenty years. You didn't bribe him, I know that; there's not money -enough in New York to do it. And you didn't persuade him; he is all ice -and iron: there isn't a soft place nor a warm one in him anywhere. That -is your secret? Look here; you owe me a hundred dollars for -unintentionally giving you a chance to perform a miracle--for it is a -miracle that you've done." - -"That is all right," I said, "collect it of Jimmy Lewis." - -That good dog not only did me that good turn in the time of my need, but -he won for me the envious reputation among all the theatrical people from -the Atlantic to the Pacific of being the only man in history who had ever -run the blockade of Augustin Daly's back door. - - - - -CHAPTER XLVI. - -If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, -who would escape hanging. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -On the Train. Fifty years ago, when I was a boy in the then remote and -sparsely peopled Mississippi valley, vague tales and rumors of a -mysterious body of professional murderers came wandering in from a -country which was constructively as far from us as the constellations -blinking in space--India; vague tales and rumors of a sect called Thugs, -who waylaid travelers in lonely places and killed them for the -contentment of a god whom they worshiped; tales which everybody liked to -listen to and nobody believed, except with reservations. It was -considered that the stories had gathered bulk on their travels. The -matter died down and a lull followed. Then Eugene Sue's "Wandering Jew" -appeared, and made great talk for a while. One character in it was a -chief of Thugs--"Feringhea"--a mysterious and terrible Indian who was as -slippery and sly as a serpent, and as deadly; and he stirred up the Thug -interest once more. But it did not last. It presently died again this -time to stay dead. - -At first glance it seems strange that this should have happened; but -really it was not strange--on the contrary,. it was natural; I mean on -our side of the water. For the source whence the Thug tales mainly came -was a Government Report, and without doubt was not republished in -America; it was probably never even seen there. Government Reports have -no general circulation. They are distributed to the few, and are not -always read by those few. I heard of this Report for the first time a -day or two ago, and borrowed it. It is full of fascinations; and it -turns those dim, dark fairy tales of my boyhood days into realities. - -The Report was made in 1889 by Major Sleeman, of the Indian Service, and -was printed in Calcutta in 1840. It is a clumsy, great, fat, poor sample -of the printer's art, but good enough for a government printing-office in -that old day and in that remote region, perhaps. To Major Sleeman was -given the general superintendence of the giant task of ridding India of -Thuggee, and he and his seventeen assistants accomplished it. It was the -Augean Stables over again. Captain Vallancey, writing in a Madras -journal in those old times, makes this remark: - - "The day that sees this far-spread evil eradicated from India and - known only in name, will greatly tend to immortalize British rule in - the East." - -He did not overestimate the magnitude and difficulty of the work, nor the -immensity of the credit which would justly be due to British rule in case -it was accomplished. - -Thuggee became known to the British authorities in India about 1810, but -its wide prevalence was not suspected; it was not regarded as a serious -matter, and no systematic measures were taken for its suppression until -about 1830. About that time Major Sleeman captured Eugene Sue's Thug- -chief, "Feringhea," and got him to turn King's evidence. The revelations -were so stupefying that Sleeman was not able to believe them. Sleeman -thought he knew every criminal within his jurisdiction, and that the -worst of them were merely thieves; but Feringhea told him that he was in -reality living in the midst of a swarm of professional murderers; that -they had been all about him for many years, and that they buried their -dead close by. These seemed insane tales; but Feringhea said come and -see--and he took him to a grave and dug up a hundred bodies, and told him -all the circumstances of the killings, and named the Thugs who had done -the work. It was a staggering business. Sleeman captured some of these -Thugs and proceeded to examine them separately, and with proper -precautions against collusion; for he would not believe any Indian's -unsupported word. The evidence gathered proved the truth of what -Feringhea had said, and also revealed the fact that gangs of Thugs were -plying their trade all over India. The astonished government now took -hold of Thuggee, and for ten years made systematic and relentless war -upon it, and finally destroyed it. Gang after gang was captured, tried, -and punished. The Thugs were harried and hunted from one end of India to -the other. The government got all their secrets out of them; and also -got the names of the members of the bands, and recorded them in a book, -together with their birthplaces and places of residence. - -The Thugs were worshipers of Bhowanee; and to this god they sacrificed -anybody that came handy; but they kept the dead man's things themselves, -for the god cared for nothing but the corpse. Men were initiated into -the sect with solemn ceremonies. Then they were taught how to strangle a -person with the sacred choke-cloth, but were not allowed to perform -officially with it until after long practice. No half-educated strangler -could choke a man to death quickly enough to keep him from uttering a -sound--a muffled scream, gurgle, gasp, moan, or something of the sort; -but the expert's work was instantaneous: the cloth was whipped around the -victim's neck, there was a sudden twist, and the head fell silently -forward, the eyes starting from the sockets; and all was over. The Thug -carefully guarded against resistance. It was usual to to get the victims -to sit down, for that was the handiest position for business. - -If the Thug had planned India itself it could not have been more -conveniently arranged for the needs of his occupation. - -There were no public conveyances. There were no conveyances for hire. -The traveler went on foot or in a bullock cart or on a horse which he -bought for the purpose. As soon as he was out of his own little State or -principality he was among strangers; nobody knew him, nobody took note of -him, and from that time his movements could no longer be traced. He did -not stop in towns or villages, but camped outside of them and sent his -servants in to buy provisions. There were no habitations between -villages. Whenever he was between villages he was an easy prey, -particularly as he usually traveled by night, to avoid the heat. He was -always being overtaken by strangers who offered him the protection of -their company, or asked for the protection of his--and these strangers -were often Thugs, as he presently found out to his cost. The -landholders, the native police, the petty princes, the village officials, -the customs officers were in many cases protectors and harborers of the -Thugs, and betrayed travelers to them for a share of the spoil. At first -this condition of things made it next to impossible for the government to -catch the marauders; they were spirited away by these watchful friends. -All through a vast continent, thus infested, helpless people of every -caste and kind moved along the paths and trails in couples and groups -silently by night, carrying the commerce of the country--treasure, -jewels, money, and petty batches of silks, spices, and all manner of -wares. It was a paradise for the Thug. - -When the autumn opened, the Thugs began to gather together by pre- -concert. Other people had to have interpreters at every turn, but not -the Thugs; they could talk together, no matter how far apart they were -born, for they had a language of their own, and they had secret signs by -which they knew each other for Thugs; and they were always friends. Even -their diversities of religion and caste were sunk in devotion to their -calling, and the Moslem and the high-caste and low-caste Hindoo were -staunch and affectionate brothers in Thuggery. - -When a gang had been assembled, they had religious worship, and waited -for an omen. They had definite notions about the omens. The cries of -certain animals were good omens, the cries of certain other creatures -were bad omens. A bad omen would stop proceedings and send the men home. - -The sword and the strangling-cloth were sacred emblems. The Thugs -worshiped the sword at home before going out to the assembling-place; the -strangling-cloth was worshiped at the place of assembly. The chiefs of -most of the bands performed the religious ceremonies themselves; but the -Kaets delegated them to certain official stranglers (Chaurs). The rites -of the Kaets were so holy that no one but the Chaur was allowed to touch -the vessels and other things used in them. - -Thug methods exhibit a curious mixture of caution and the absence of it; -cold business calculation and sudden, unreflecting impulse; but there -were two details which were constant, and not subject to caprice: patient -persistence in following up the prey, and pitilessness when the time came -to act. - -Caution was exhibited in the strength of the bands. They never felt -comfortable and confident unless their strength exceeded that of any -party of travelers they were likely to meet by four or fivefold. Yet it -was never their purpose to attack openly, but only when the victims were -off their guard. When they got hold of a party of travelers they often -moved along in their company several days, using all manner of arts to -win their friendship and get their confidence. At last, when this was -accomplished to their satisfaction, the real business began. A few Thugs -were privately detached and sent forward in the dark to select a good -killing-place and dig the graves. When the rest reached the spot a halt -was called, for a rest or a smoke. The travelers were invited to sit. -By signs, the chief appointed certain Thugs to sit down in front of the -travelers as if to wait upon them, others to sit down beside them and -engage them in conversation, and certain expert stranglers to stand -behind the travelers and be ready when the signal was given. The signal -was usually some commonplace remark, like "Bring the tobacco." Sometimes -a considerable wait ensued after all the actors were in their places--the -chief was biding his time, in order to make everything sure. Meantime, -the talk droned on, dim figures moved about in the dull light, peace and -tranquility reigned, the travelers resigned themselves to the pleasant -reposefulness and comfort of the situation, unconscious of the death- -angels standing motionless at their backs. The time was ripe, now, and -the signal came: "Bring the tobacco." There was a mute swift movement, -all in the same instant the men at each victim's sides seized his hands, -the man in front seized his feet, and pulled, the man at his back whipped -the cloth around his neck and gave it a twist the head sunk forward, the -tragedy was over. The bodies were stripped and covered up in the graves, -the spoil packed for transportation, then the Thugs gave pious thanks to -Bhowanee, and departed on further holy service. - -The Report shows that the travelers moved in exceedingly small groups-- -twos, threes, fours, as a rule; a party with a dozen in it was rare. The -Thugs themselves seem to have been the only people who moved in force. -They went about in gangs of 10, 15, 25, 40, 60, 100, 150, 200, 250, and -one gang of 310 is mentioned. Considering their numbers, their catch was -not extraordinary--particularly when you consider that they were not in -the least fastidious, but took anybody they could get, whether rich or -poor, and sometimes even killed children. Now and then they killed -women, but it was considered sinful to do it, and unlucky. The "season" -was six or eight months long. One season the half dozen Bundelkand and -Gwalior gangs aggregated 712 men, and they murdered 210 people. One -season the Malwa and Kandeish gangs aggregated 702 men, and they murdered -232. One season the Kandeish and Berar gangs aggregated 963 men, and -they murdered 385 people. - -Here is the tally-sheet of a gang of sixty Thugs for a whole season--gang -under two noted chiefs, "Chotee and Sheik Nungoo from Gwalior": - - "Left Poora, in Jhansee, and on arrival at Sarora murdered a - traveler. - - "On nearly reaching Bhopal, met 3 Brahmins, and murdered them. - - "Cross the Nerbudda; at a village called Hutteea, murdered a Hindoo. - - "Went through Aurungabad to Walagow; there met a Havildar of the - barber caste and 5 sepoys (native soldiers); in the evening came to - Jokur, and in the morning killed them near the place where the - treasure-bearers were killed the year before. - - "Between Jokur and Dholeea met a sepoy of the shepherd caste; killed - him in the jungle. - - "Passed through Dholeea and lodged in a village; two miles beyond, - on the road to Indore, met a Byragee (beggar-holy mendicant); - murdered him at the Thapa. - - "In the morning, beyond the Thapa, fell in with 3 Marwarie - travelers; murdered them. - - "Near a village on the banks of the Taptee met 4 travelers and - killed them. - - "Between Choupra and Dhoreea met a Marwarie; murdered him. - - "At Dhoreea met 3 Marwaries; took them two miles and murdered them. - - "Two miles further on, overtaken by three treasure-bearers; took - them two miles and murdered them in the jungle. - - "Came on to Khurgore Bateesa in Indore, divided spoil, and - dispersed. - - "A total of 27 men murdered on one expedition." - -Chotee (to save his neck) was informer, and furnished these facts. -Several things are noticeable about his resume. 1. Business brevity; -2, absence of emotion; 3, smallness of the parties encountered by the 60; -4, variety in character and quality of the game captured; 5, Hindoo and -Mohammedan chiefs in business together for Bhowanee; 6, the sacred caste -of the Brahmins not respected by either; 7, nor yet the character of that -mendicant, that Byragee. - -A beggar is a holy creature, and some of the gangs spared him on that -account, no matter how slack business might be; but other gangs -slaughtered not only him, but even that sacredest of sacred creatures, -the fakeer--that repulsive skin-and-bone thing that goes around naked and -mats his bushy hair with dust and dirt, and so beflours his lean body -with ashes that he looks like a specter. Sometimes a fakeer trusted a -shade too far in the protection of his sacredness. In the middle of a -tally-sheet of Feringhea's, who had been out with forty Thugs, I find a -case of the kind. After the killing of thirty-nine men and one woman, -the fakeer appears on the scene: - - "Approaching Doregow, met 3 pundits; also a fakeer, mounted on a - pony; he was plastered over with sugar to collect flies, and was - covered with them. Drove off the fakeer, and killed the other - three. - - "Leaving Doregow, the fakeer joined again, and went on in company to - Raojana; met 6 Khutries on their way from Bombay to Nagpore. Drove - off the fakeer with stones, and killed the 6 men in camp, and buried - them in the grove. - - "Next day the fakeer joined again; made him leave at Mana. Beyond - there, fell in with two Kahars and a sepoy, and came on towards the - place selected for the murder. When near it, the fakeer came again. - Losing all patience with him, gave Mithoo, one of the gang, 5 rupees - ($2.50) to murder him, and take the sin upon himself. All four were - strangled, including the fakeer. Surprised to find among the - fakeer's effects 30 pounds of coral, 350 strings of small pearls, 15 - strings of large pearls, and a gilt necklace." - -It it curious, the little effect that time has upon a really interesting -circumstance. This one, so old, so long ago gone down into oblivion, -reads with the same freshness and charm that attach to the news in the -morning paper; one's spirits go up, then down, then up again, following -the chances which the fakeer is running; now you hope, now you despair, -now you hope again; and at last everything comes out right, and you feel -a great wave of personal satisfaction go weltering through you, and -without thinking, you put out your hand to pat Mithoo on the back, when-- -puff! the whole thing has vanished away, there is nothing there; Mithoo -and all the crowd have been dust and ashes and forgotten, oh, so many, -many, many lagging years! And then comes a sense of injury: you don't -know whether Mithoo got the swag, along with the sin, or had to divide up -the swag and keep all the sin himself. There is no literary art about a -government report. It stops a story right in the most interesting place. - -These reports of Thug expeditions run along interminably in one -monotonous tune: "Met a sepoy--killed him; met 5 pundits--killed them; -met 4 Rajpoots and a woman--killed them"--and so on, till the statistics -get to be pretty dry. But this small trip of Feringhea's Forty had some -little variety about it. Once they came across a man hiding in a grave-- -a thief; he had stolen 1,100 rupees from Dhunroj Seith of Parowtee. They -strangled him and took the money. They had no patience with thieves. -They killed two treasure-bearers, and got 4,000 rupees. They came across -two bullocks "laden with copper pice," and killed the four drivers and -took the money. There must have been half a ton of it. I think it takes -a double handful of pice to make an anna, and 16 annas to make a rupee; -and even in those days the rupee was worth only half a dollar. Coming -back over their tracks from Baroda, they had another picturesque stroke -of luck: "The Lohars of Oodeypore " put a traveler in their charge for -safety." Dear, dear, across this abyssmal gulf of time we still see -Feringhea's lips uncover his teeth, and through the dim haze we catch the -incandescent glimmer of his smile. He accepted that trust, good man; and -so we know what went with the traveler. - -Even Rajahs had no terrors for Feringhea; he came across an elephant- -driver belonging to the Rajah of Oodeypore and promptly strangled him. - -"A total of 100 men and 5 women murdered on this expedition." - -Among the reports of expeditions we find mention of victims of almost -every quality and estate. - -Also a prince's cook; and even the water-carrier of that sublime lord of -lords and king of kings, the Governor-General of India! How broad they -were in their tastes! They also murdered actors--poor wandering -barnstormers. There are two instances recorded; the first one by a gang -of Thugs under a chief who soils a great name borne by a better man-- -Kipling's deathless "Gungadin": - - "After murdering 4 sepoys, going on toward Indore, met 4 strolling - players, and persuaded them to come with us, on the pretense that we - would see their performance at the next stage. Murdered them at a - temple near Bhopal." - -Second instance: - - "At Deohuttee, joined by comedians. Murdered them eastward of that - place." - -But this gang was a particularly bad crew. On that expedition they -murdered a fakeer and twelve beggars. And yet Bhowanee protected them; -for once when they were strangling a man in a wood when a crowd was going -by close at hand and the noose slipped and the man screamed, Bhowanee -made a camel burst out at the same moment with a roar that drowned the -scream; and before the man could repeat it the breath was choked out of -his body. - -The cow is so sacred in India that to kill her keeper is an awful -sacrilege, and even the Thugs recognized this; yet now and then the lust -for blood was too strong, and so they did kill a few cow-keepers. In one -of these instances the witness who killed the cowherd said, "In Thuggee -this is strictly forbidden, and is an act from which no good can come. I -was ill of a fever for ten days afterward. I do believe that evil will -follow the murder of a man with a cow. If there be no cow it does not -signify." Another Thug said he held the cowherd's feet while this -witness did the strangling. He felt no concern, "because the bad fortune -of such a deed is upon the strangler and not upon the assistants; even if -there should be a hundred of them." - -There were thousands of Thugs roving over India constantly, during many -generations. They made Thug gee a hereditary vocation and taught it to -their sons and to their son's sons. Boys were in full membership as -early as 16 years of age; veterans were still at work at 70. What was -the fascination, what was the impulse? Apparently, it was partly piety, -largely gain, and there is reason to suspect that the sport afforded was -the chiefest fascination of all. Meadows Taylor makes a Thug in one of -his books claim that the pleasure of killing men was the white man's -beast-hunting instinct enlarged, refined, ennobled. I will quote the -passage: - - - - -CHAPTER XLVII. - -Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an -eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait, and count forty. To save -three-quarters, count sixty. To save it all, count sixty-five. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The Thug said: - -"How many of you English are passionately devoted to sporting! Your days -and months are passed in its excitement. A tiger, a panther, a buffalo -or a hog rouses your utmost energies for its destruction--you even risk -your lives in its pursuit. How much higher game is a Thug's!" - -That must really be the secret of the rise and development of Thuggee. -The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done--these are traits of -the human race at large. We white people are merely modified Thugs; -Thugs fretting under the restraints of a not very thick skin of -civilization; Thugs who long ago enjoyed the slaughter of the Roman -arena, and later the burning of doubtful Christians by authentic -Christians in the public squares, and who now, with the Thugs of Spain -and Nimes, flock to enjoy the blood and misery of the bullring. We have -no tourists of either sex or any religion who are able to resist the -delights of the bull-ring when opportunity offers; and we are gentle -Thugs in the hunting-season, and love to chase a tame rabbit and kill it. -Still, we have made some progress-microscopic, and in truth scarcely -worth mentioning, and certainly nothing to be proud of--still, it is -progress: we no longer take pleasure in slaughtering or burning helpless -men. We have reached a little altitude where we may look down upon the -Indian Thugs with a complacent shudder; and we may even hope for a day, -many centuries hence, when our posterity will look down upon us in the -same way. - -There are many indications that the Thug often hunted men for the mere -sport of it; that the fright and pain of the quarry were no more to him -than are the fright and pain of the rabbit or the stag to us; and that he -was no more ashamed of beguiling his game with deceits and abusing its -trust than are we when we have imitated a wild animal's call and shot it -when it honored us with its confidence and came to see what we wanted: - - "Madara, son of Nihal, and I, Ramzam, set out from Kotdee in the - cold weather and followed the high road for about twenty days in - search of travelers, until we came to Selempore, where we met a very - old man going to the east. We won his confidence in this manner: he - carried a load which was too heavy for his old age; I said to him, - 'You are an old man, I will aid you in carrying your load, as you - are from my part of the country.' He said, 'Very well, take me with - you.' So we took him with us to Selempore, where we slept that - night. We woke him next morning before dawn and set out, and at the - distance of three miles we seated him to rest while it was still - very dark. Madara was ready behind him, and strangled him. He - never spoke a word. He was about 60 or 70 years of age." - -Another gang fell in with a couple of barbers and persuaded them to come -along in their company by promising them the job of shaving the whole -crew--30 Thugs. At the place appointed for the murder 15 got shaved, and -actually paid the barbers for their work. Then killed them and took back -the money. - -A gang of forty-two Thugs came across two Brahmins and a shopkeeper on -the road, beguiled them into a grove and got up a concert for their -entertainment. While these poor fellows were listening to the music the -stranglers were standing behind them; and at the proper moment for -dramatic effect they applied the noose. - -The most devoted fisherman must have a bite at least as often as once a -week or his passion will cool and he will put up his tackle. The tiger- -sportsman must find a tiger at least once a fortnight or he will get -tired and quit. The elephant-hunter's enthusiasm will waste away little -by little, and his zeal will perish at last if he plod around a month -without finding a member of that noble family to assassinate. - -But when the lust in the hunter's heart is for the noblest of all -quarries, man, how different is the case! and how watery and poor is the -zeal and how childish the endurance of those other hunters by comparison. -Then, neither hunger, nor thirst, nor fatigue, nor deferred hope, nor -monotonous disappointment, nor leaden-footed lapse of time can conquer -the hunter's patience or weaken the joy of his quest or cool the splendid -rage of his desire. Of all the hunting-passions that burn in the breast -of man, there is none that can lift him superior to discouragements like -these but the one--the royal sport, the supreme sport, whose quarry is -his brother. By comparison, tiger-hunting is a colorless poor thing, for -all it has been so bragged about. - -Why, the Thug was content to tramp patiently along, afoot, in the wasting -heat of India, week after week, at an average of nine or ten miles a day, -if he might but hope to find game some time or other and refresh his -longing soul with blood. Here is an instance: - - "I (Ramzam) and Hyder set out, for the purpose of strangling - travelers, from Guddapore, and proceeded via the Fort of Julalabad, - Newulgunge, Bangermow, on the banks of the Ganges (upwards of 100 - miles), from whence we returned by another route. Still no - travelers! till we reached Bowaneegunge, where we fell in with a - traveler, a boatman; we inveigled him and about two miles east of - there Hyder strangled him as he stood--for he was troubled and - afraid, and would not sit. We then made a long journey (about 130 - miles) and reached Hussunpore Bundwa, where at the tank we fell in - with a traveler--he slept there that night; next morning we followed - him and tried to win his confidence; at the distance of two miles we - endeavored to induce him to sit down--but he would not, having - become aware of us. I attempted to strangle him as he walked along, - but did not succeed; both of us then fell upon him, he made a great - outcry, 'They are murdering me!' at length we strangled him and - flung his body into a well. After this we returned to our homes, - having been out a month and traveled about 260 miles. A total of - two men murdered on the expedition." - -And here is another case-related by the terrible Futty Khan, a man with a -tremendous record, to be re-mentioned by and by: - - "I, with three others, traveled for about 45 days a distance of - about 200 miles in search of victims along the highway to Bundwa and - returned by Davodpore (another 200 miles) during which journey we - had only one murder, which happened in this manner. Four miles to - the east of Noubustaghat we fell in with a traveler, an old man. I, - with Koshal and Hyder, inveigled him and accompanied him that day - within 3 miles of Rampoor, where, after dark, in a lonely place, we - got him to sit down and rest; and while I kept him in talk, seated - before him, Hyder behind strangled him : he made no resistance. - Koshal stabbed him under the arms and in the throat, and we flung - the body into a running stream. We got about 4 or 5 rupees each ($2 - or $2.50). We then proceeded homewards. A total of one man - murdered on this expedition." - -There. They tramped 400 miles, were gone about three months, and -harvested two dollars and a half apiece. But the mere pleasure of the -hunt was sufficient. That was pay enough. They did no grumbling. - -Every now and then in this big book one comes across that pathetic -remark: "we tried to get him to sit down but he would not." It tells the -whole story. Some accident had awakened the suspicion in him that these -smooth friends who had been petting and coddling him and making him feel -so safe and so fortunate after his forlorn and lonely wanderings were the -dreaded Thugs; and now their ghastly invitation to "sit and rest" had -confirmed its truth. He knew there was no help for him, and that he was -looking his last upon earthly things, but "he would not sit." No, not -that--it was too awful to think of! - -There are a number of instances which indicate that when a man had once -tasted the regal joys of man-hunting he could not be content with the -dull monotony of a crimeless life after ward. Example, from a Thug's -testimony: - - "We passed through to Kurnaul, where we found a former Thug named - Junooa, an old comrade of ours, who had turned religious mendicant - and become a disciple and holy. He came to us in the serai and - weeping with joy returned to his old trade." - -Neither wealth nor honors nor dignities could satisfy a reformed Thug for -long. He would throw them all away, someday, and go back to the lurid -pleasures of hunting men, and being hunted himself by the British. - -Ramzam was taken into a great native grandee's service and given -authority over five villages. "My authority extended over these people -to summons them to my presence, to make them stand or sit. I dressed -well, rode my pony, and had two sepoys, a scribe and a village guard to -attend me. During three years I used to pay each village a monthly -visit, and no one suspected that I was a Thug! The chief man used to -wait on me to transact business, and as I passed along, old and young -made their salaam to me." - -And yet during that very three years he got leave of absence "to attend a -wedding," and instead went off on a Thugging lark with six other Thugs -and hunted the highway for fifteen days!--with satisfactory results. - -Afterwards he held a great office under a Rajah. There he had ten miles -of country under his command and a military guard of fifteen men, with -authority to call out 2,000 more upon occasion. But the British got on -his track, and they crowded him so that he had to give himself up. See -what a figure he was when he was gotten up for style and had all his -things on: "I was fully armed--a sword, shield, pistols, a matchlock -musket and a flint gun, for I was fond of being thus arrayed, and when so -armed feared not though forty men stood before me." - -He gave himself up and proudly proclaimed himself a Thug. Then by -request he agreed to betray his friend and pal, Buhram, a Thug with the -most tremendous record in India. "I went to the house where Buhram slept -(often has he led our gangs!) I woke him, he knew me well, and came -outside to me. It was a cold night, so under pretence of warming myself, -but in reality to have light for his seizure by the guards, I lighted -some straw and made a blaze. We were warming our hands. The guards drew -around us. I said to them, "This is Buhram," and he was seized just as a -cat seizes a mouse. Then Buhram said, "I am a Thug! my father was a -Thug, my grandfather was a Thug, and I have thugged with many!" - -So spoke the mighty hunter, the mightiest of the mighty, the Gordon -Cumming of his day. Not much regret noticeable in it.--[" Having planted -a bullet in the shoulder-bone of an elephant, and caused the agonized -creature to lean for support against a tree, I proceeded to brew some -coffee. Having refreshed myself, taking observations of the elephant's -spasms and writhings between the sips, I resolved to make experiments on -vulnerable points, and, approaching very near, I fired several bullets at -different parts of his enormous skull. He only acknowledged the shots by -a salaam-like movement of his trunk, with the point of which he gently -touched the wounds with a striking and peculiar action. Surprised and -shocked to find that I was only prolonging the suffering of the noble -beast, which bore its trials with such dignified composure, I resolved to -finish the proceeding with all possible despatch, and accordingly opened -fire upon him from the left side. Aiming at the shoulder, I fired six -shots with the two-grooved rifle, which must have eventually proved -mortal, after which I fired six shots at the same part with the Dutch -six-founder. Large tears now trickled down from his eyes, which he -slowly shut and opened, his colossal frame shivered convulsively, and -falling on his side he expired."- Gordon Cumming.] - -So many many times this Official Report leaves one's curiosity -unsatisfied. For instance, here is a little paragraph out of the record -of a certain band of 193 Thugs, which has that defect: - - "Fell in with Lall Sing Subahdar and his family, consisting of nine - persons. Traveled with them two days, and the third put them all to - death except the two children, little boys of one and a half years - old." - -There it stops. What did they do with those poor little fellows? What -was their subsequent history? Did they purpose training them up as -Thugs? How could they take care of such little creatures on a march -which stretched over several months ? No one seems to have cared to ask -any questions about the babies. But I do wish I knew. - -One would be apt to imagine that the Thugs were utterly callous, utterly -destitute of human feelings, heartless toward their own families as well -as toward other people's; but this was not so. Like all other Indians, -they had a passionate love for their kin. A shrewd British officer who -knew the Indian character, took that characteristic into account in -laying his plans for the capture of Eugene Sue's famous Feringhea. He -found out Feringhea's hiding-place, and sent a guard by night to seize -him, but the squad was awkward and he got away. However, they got the -rest of the family--the mother, wife, child, and brother--and brought -them to the officer, at Jubbulpore; the officer did not fret, but bided -his time: "I knew Feringhea would not go far while links so dear to him -were in my hands." He was right. Feringhea knew all the danger he was -running by staying in the neighborhood, still he could not tear himself -away. The officer found that he divided his time between five villages -where be had relatives and friends who could get news for him from his -family in Jubbulpore jail; and that he never slept two consecutive nights -in the same village. The officer traced out his several haunts, then -pounced upon all the five villages on the one night and at the same hour, -and got his man. - -Another example of family affection. A little while previously to the -capture of Feringhea's family, the British officer had captured -Feringhea's foster-brother, leader of a gang of ten, and had tried the -eleven and condemned them to be hanged. Feringhea's captured family -arrived at the jail the day before the execution was to take place. The -foster-brother, Jhurhoo, entreated to be allowed to see the aged mother -and the others. The prayer was granted, and this is what took place--it -is the British officer who speaks: - - "In the morning, just before going to the scaffold, the interview - took place before me. He fell at the old woman's feet and begged - that she would relieve him from the obligations of the milk with - which she had nourished him from infancy, as he was about to die - before he could fulfill any of them. She placed her hands on his - head, and he knelt, and she said she forgave him all, and bid him - die like a man." - -If a capable artist should make a picture of it, it would be full of -dignity and solemnity and pathos; and it could touch you. You would -imagine it to be anything but what it was. There is reverence there, and -tenderness, and gratefulness, and compassion, and resignation, and -fortitude, and self-respect--and no sense of disgrace, no thought of -dishonor. Everything is there that goes to make a noble parting, and -give it a moving grace and beauty and dignity. And yet one of these -people is a Thug and the other a mother of Thugs! The incongruities of -our human nature seem to reach their limit here. - -I wish to make note of one curious thing while I think of it. One of the -very commonest remarks to be found in this bewildering array of Thug -confessions is this: - -"Strangled him and threw him an a well!" In one case they threw sixteen -into a well--and they had thrown others in the same well before. It -makes a body thirsty to read about it. - -And there is another very curious thing. The bands of Thugs had private -graveyards. They did not like to kill and bury at random, here and there -and everywhere. They preferred to wait, and toll the victims along, and -get to one of their regular burying-places ('bheels') if they could. In -the little kingdom of Oude, which was about half as big as Ireland and -about as big as the State of Maine, they had two hundred and seventy-four -'bheels'. They were scattered along fourteen hundred miles of road, at -an average of only five miles apart, and the British government traced -out and located each and every one of them and set them down on the map. - -The Oude bands seldom went out of their own country, but they did a -thriving business within its borders. So did outside bands who came in -and helped. Some of the Thug leaders of Oude were noted for their -successful careers. Each of four of them confessed to above 300 murders; -another to nearly 400; our friend Ramzam to 604--he is the one who got -leave of absence to attend a wedding and went thugging instead; and he is -also the one who betrayed Buhram to the British. - -But the biggest records of all were the murder-lists of Futty Khan and -Buhram. Futty Khan's number is smaller than Ramzam's, but he is placed -at the head because his average is the best in Oude-Thug history per year -of service. His slaughter was 508 men in twenty years, and he was still -a young man when the British stopped his industry. Buhram's list was 931 -murders, but it took him forty years. His average was one man and nearly -all of another man per month for forty years, but Futty Khan's average -was two men and a little of another man per month during his twenty years -of usefulness. - -There is one very striking thing which I wish to call attention to. You -have surmised from the listed callings followed by the victims of the -Thugs that nobody could travel the Indian roads unprotected and live to -get through; that the Thugs respected no quality, no vocation, no -religion, nobody; that they killed every unarmed man that came in their -way. That is wholly true--with one reservation. In all the long file of -Thug confessions an English traveler is mentioned but once--and this is -what the Thug says of the circumstance: - - "He was on his way from Mhow to Bombay. We studiously avoided him. - He proceeded next morning with a number of travelers who had sought - his protection, and they took the road to Baroda." - -We do not know who he was; he flits across the page of this rusty old -book and disappears in the obscurity beyond; but he is an impressive -figure, moving through that valley of death serene and unafraid, clothed -in the might of the English name. - -We have now followed the big official book through, and we understand -what Thuggee was, what a bloody terror it was, what a desolating scourge -it was. In 1830 the English found this cancerous organization imbedded -in the vitals of the empire, doing its devastating work in secrecy, and -assisted, protected, sheltered, and hidden by innumerable confederates-- -big and little native chiefs, customs officers, village officials, and -native police, all ready to lie for it, and the mass of the people, -through fear, persistently pretending to know nothing about its doings; -and this condition of things had existed for generations, and was -formidable with the sanctions of age and old custom. If ever there was -an unpromising task, if ever there was a hopeless task in the world, -surely it was offered here--the task of conquering Thuggee. But that -little handful of English officials in India set their sturdy and -confident grip upon it, and ripped it out, root and branch! How modest -do Captain Vallancey's words sound now, when we read them again, knowing -what we know: - - "The day that sees this far-spread evil completely eradicated from - India, and known only in name, will greatly tend to immortalize - British rule in the East." - -It would be hard to word a claim more modestly than that for this most -noble work. - - - - -CHAPTER XLVIII. - -Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you -must have somebody to divide it with. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -We left Bombay for Allahabad by a night train. It is the custom of the -country to avoid day travel when it can conveniently be done. But there -is one trouble: while you can seemingly "secure" the two lower berths by -making early application, there is no ticket as witness of it, and no -other producible evidence in case your proprietorship shall chance to be -challenged. The word "engaged" appears on the window, but it doesn't -state who the compartment is engaged, for. If your Satan and your Barney -arrive before somebody else's servants, and spread the bedding on the two -sofas and then stand guard till you come, all will be well; but if they -step aside on an errand, they may find the beds promoted to the two -shelves, and somebody else's demons standing guard over their master's -beds, which in the meantime have been spread upon your sofas. - -You do not pay anything extra for your sleeping place; that is where the -trouble lies. If you buy a fare-ticket and fail to use it, there is room -thus made available for someone else; but if the place were secured to -you it would remain vacant, and yet your ticket would secure you another -place when you were presently ready to travel. - -However, no explanation of such a system can make it seem quite rational -to a person who has been used to a more rational system. If our people -had the arranging of it, we should charge extra for securing the place, -and then the road would suffer no loss if the purchaser did not occupy -it. - -The present system encourages good manners--and also discourages them. -If a young girl has a lower berth and an elderly lady comes in, it is -usual for the girl to offer her place to this late comer; and it is usual -for the late comer to thank her courteously and take it. But the thing -happens differently sometimes. When we were ready to leave Bombay my -daughter's satchels were holding possession of her berth--a lower one. -At the last moment, a middle-aged American lady swarmed into the -compartment, followed by native porters laden with her baggage. She was -growling and snarling and scolding, and trying to make herself -phenomenally disagreeable; and succeeding. Without a word, she hoisted -the satchels into the hanging shelf, and took possession of that lower -berth. - -On one of our trips Mr. Smythe and I got out at a station to walk up and -down, and when we came back Smythe's bed was in the hanging shelf and an -English cavalry officer was in bed on the sofa which he had lately been -occupying. It was mean to be glad about it, but it is the way we are -made; I could not have been gladder if it had been my enemy that had -suffered this misfortune. We all like to see people in trouble, if it -doesn't cost us anything. I was so happy over Mr. Smythe's chagrin that -I couldn't go to sleep for thinking of it and enjoying it. I knew he -supposed the officer had committed the robbery himself, whereas without a -doubt the officer's servant had done it without his knowledge. Mr. -Smythe kept this incident warm in his heart, and longed for a chance to -get even with somebody for it. Sometime afterward the opportunity came, -in Calcutta. We were leaving on a 24-hour journey to Darjeeling. Mr. -Barclay, the general superintendent, has made special provision for our -accommodation, Mr. Smythe said; so there was no need to hurry about -getting to the train; consequently, we were a little late. - -When we arrived, the usual immense turmoil and confusion of a great -Indian station were in full blast. It was an immoderately long train, -for all the natives of India were going by it somewhither, and the native -officials were being pestered to frenzy by belated and anxious people. -They didn't know where our car was, and couldn't remember having received -any orders about it. It was a deep disappointment; moreover, it looked -as if our half of our party would be left behind altogether. Then Satan -came running and said he had found a compartment with one shelf and one -sofa unoccupied, and had made our beds and had stowed our baggage. We -rushed to the place, and just as the train was ready to pull out and the -porters were slamming the doors to, all down the line, an officer of the -Indian Civil Service, a good friend of ours, put his head in and said:-- - -"I have been hunting for you everywhere. What are you doing here? Don't -you know----" - -The train started before he could finish. Mr. Smythe's opportunity was -come. His bedding, on the shelf, at once changed places with the -bedding--a stranger's--that was occupying the sofa that was opposite to -mine. About ten o'clock we stopped somewhere, and a large Englishman of -official military bearing stepped in. We pretended to be asleep. The -lamps were covered, but there was light enough for us to note his look of -surprise. He stood there, grand and fine, peering down at Smythe, and -wondering in silence at the situation. After a bit be said:-- - -"Well!" And that was all. - -But that was enough. It was easy to understand. It meant: "This is -extraordinary. This is high-handed. I haven't had an experience like -this before." - -He sat down on his baggage, and for twenty minutes we watched him through -our eyelashes, rocking and swaying there to the motion of the train. -Then we came to a station, and he got up and went out, muttering: "I must -find a lower berth, or wait over." His servant came presently and carried -away his things. - -Mr. Smythe's sore place was healed, his hunger for revenge was satisfied. -But he couldn't sleep, and neither could I; for this was a venerable old. -car, and nothing about it was taut. The closet door slammed all night, -and defied every fastening we could invent. We got up very much jaded, -at dawn, and stepped out at a way station; and, while we were taking a -cup of coffee, that Englishman ranged up alongside, and somebody said to -him: - -"So you didn't stop off, after all?" - -"No. The guard found a place for me that had been, engaged and not -occupied. I had a whole saloon car all to myself--oh, quite palatial! -I never had such luck in my life." - -That was our car, you see. We moved into it, straight off, the family -and all. But I asked the English gentleman to remain, and he did. A -pleasant man, an infantry colonel; and doesn't know, yet, that Smythe -robbed him of his berth, but thinks it was done by Smythe's servant -without Smythe's knowledge. He was assisted in gathering this -impression. - -The Indian trains are manned by natives exclusively. The Indian stations -except very large and important ones--are manned entirely by natives, and -so are the posts and telegraphs. The rank and file of the police are -natives. All these people are pleasant and accommodating. One day I -left an express train to lounge about in that perennially ravishing show, -the ebb and flow and whirl of gaudy natives, that is always surging up -and down the spacious platform of a great Indian station; and I lost -myself in the ecstasy of it, and when I turned, the train was moving -swiftly away. I was going to sit down and wait for another train, as I -would have done at home; I had no thought of any other course. But a -native official, who had a green flag in his hand, saw me, and said -politely: - -"Don't you belong in the train, sir?" - -"Yes." I said. - -He waved his flag, and the train came back! And he put me aboard with as -much ceremony as if I had been the General Superintendent. They are -kindly people, the natives. The face and the bearing that indicate a -surly spirit and a bad heart seemed to me to be so rare among Indians--so -nearly non-existent, in fact--that I sometimes wondered if Thuggee wasn't -a dream, and not a reality. The bad hearts are there, but I believe that -they are in a small, poor minority. One thing is sure: They are much the -most interesting people in the world--and the nearest to being -incomprehensible. At any rate, the hardest to account for. Their -character and their history, their customs and their religion, confront -you with riddles at every turn-riddles which are a trifle more perplexing -after they are explained than they were before. You can get the facts of -a custom--like caste, and Suttee, and Thuggee, and so on--and with the -facts a theory which tries to explain, but never quite does it to your -satisfaction. You can never quite understand how so strange a thing -could have been born, nor why. - -For instance--the Suttee. This is the explanation of it: - -A woman who throws away her life when her husband dies is instantly -joined to him again, and is forever afterward happy with him in heaven; -her family will build a little monument to her, or a temple, and will -hold her in honor, and, indeed, worship her memory always; they will -themselves be held in honor by the public; the woman's self-sacrifice has -conferred a noble and lasting distinction upon her posterity. And, -besides, see what she has escaped: If she had elected to live, she would -be a disgraced person; she could not remarry; her family would despise -her and disown her; she would be a friendless outcast, and miserable all -her days. - -Very well, you say, but the explanation is not complete yet. How did -people come to drift into such a strange custom? What was the origin of -the idea? "Well, nobody knows; it was probably a revelation sent down by -the gods." One more thing: Why was such a cruel death chosen--why -wouldn't a gentle one have answered? "Nobody knows; maybe that was a -revelation, too." - -No--you can never understand it. It all seems impossible. You resolve -to believe that a widow never burnt herself willingly, but went to her -death because she was afraid to defy public opinion. But you are not -able to keep that position. History drives you from it. Major Sleeman -has a convincing case in one of his books. In his government on the -Nerbudda he made a brave attempt on the 28th of March, 1828, to put down -Suttee on his own hook and without warrant from the Supreme Government of -India. He could not foresee that the Government would put it down itself -eight months later. The only backing he had was a bold nature and a -compassionate heart. He issued his proclamation abolishing the Suttee in -his district. On the morning of Tuesday--note the day of the week--the -24th of the following November, Ummed Singh Upadhya, head of the most -respectable and most extensive Brahmin family in the district, died, and -presently came a deputation of his sons and grandsons to beg that his old -widow might be allowed to burn herself upon his pyre. Sleeman threatened -to enforce his order, and punish severely any man who assisted; and he -placed a police guard to see that no one did so. From the early morning -the old widow of sixty-five had been sitting on the bank of the sacred -river by her dead, waiting through the long hours for the permission; and -at last the refusal came instead. In one little sentence Sleeman gives -you a pathetic picture of this lonely old gray figure: all day and all -night "she remained sitting by the edge of the water without eating or -drinking." The next morning the body of the husband was burned to ashes -in a pit eight feet square and three or four feet deep, in the view of -several thousand spectators. Then the widow waded out to a bare rock in -the river, and everybody went away but her sons and other relations. All -day she sat there on her rock in the blazing sun without food or drink, -and with no clothing but a sheet over her shoulders. - -The relatives remained with her and all tried to persuade her to desist -from her purpose, for they deeply loved her. She steadily refused. Then -a part of the family went to Sleeman's house, ten miles away, and tried -again to get him to let her burn herself. He refused, hoping to save her -yet. - -All that day she scorched in her sheet on the rock, and all that night -she kept her vigil there in the bitter cold. Thursday morning, in the -sight of her relatives, she went through a ceremonial which said more to -them than any words could have done; she put on the dhaja (a coarse red -turban) and broke her bracelets in pieces. By these acts she became a -dead person in the eye of the law, and excluded from her caste forever. -By the iron rule of ancient custom, if she should now choose to live she -could never return to her family. Sleeman was in deep trouble. If she -starved herself to death her family would be disgraced; and, moreover, -starving would be a more lingering misery than the death by fire. He -went back in the evening thoroughly worried. The old woman remained on -her rock, and there in the morning he found her with her dhaja still on -her head. "She talked very collectedly, telling me that she had -determined to mix her ashes with those of her departed husband, and -should patiently wait my permission to do so, assured that God would -enable her to sustain life till that was given, though she dared not eat -or drink. Looking at the sun, then rising before her over a long and -beautiful reach of the river, she said calmly, 'My soul has been for five -days with my husband's near that sun; nothing but my earthly frame is -left; and this, I know, you will in time suffer to be mixed with his -ashes in yonder pit, because it is not in your nature or usage wantonly -to prolong the miseries of a poor old woman.'" - -He assured her that it was his desire and duty to save her, and to urge -her to live, and to keep her family from the disgrace of being thought -her murderers. But she said she was not afraid of their being thought -so; that they had all, like good children, done everything in their power -to induce her to live, and to abide with them; and if I should consent I -know they would love and honor me, but my duties to them have now ended. -I commit them all to your care, and I go to attend my husband, Ummed -Singh Upadhya, with whose ashes on the funeral pile mine have been -already three times mixed." - -She believed that she and he had been upon the earth three several times -as wife and husband, and that she had burned herself to death three times -upon his pyre. That is why she said that strange thing. Since she had -broken her bracelets and put on the red turban she regarded herself as a -corpse; otherwise she would not have allowed herself to do her husband -the irreverence of pronouncing his name. "This was the first time in her -long life that she had ever uttered her husband's name, for in India no -woman, high or low, ever pronounces the name of her husband." - -Major Sleeman still tried to shake her purpose. He promised to build her -a fine house among the temples of her ancestors upon the bank of the -river and make handsome provision for her out of rent-free lands if she -would consent to live; and if she wouldn't he would allow no stone or -brick to ever mark the place where she died. But she only smiled and -said, "My pulse has long ceased to beat, my spirit has departed; I shall -suffer nothing in the burning; and if you wish proof, order some fire and -you shall see this arm consumed without giving me any pain." - -Sleeman was now satisfied that he could not alter her purpose. He sent -for all the chief members of the family and said he would suffer her to -burn herself if they would enter into a written engagement to abandon the -suttee in their family thenceforth. They agreed; the papers were drawn -out and signed, and at noon, Saturday, word was sent to the poor old -woman. She seemed greatly pleased. The ceremonies of bathing were gone -through with, and by three o'clock she was ready and the fire was briskly -burning in the pit. She had now gone without food or drink during more -than four days and a half. She came ashore from her rock, first wetting -her sheet in the waters of the sacred river, for without that safeguard -any shadow which might fall upon her would convey impurity to her; then -she walked to the pit, leaning upon one of her sons and a nephew--the -distance was a hundred and fifty yards. - -"I had sentries placed all around, and no other person was allowed to -approach within five paces. She came on with a calm and cheerful -countenance, stopped once, and casting her eyes upwards, said, 'Why have -they kept me five days from thee, my husband?' On coming to the sentries -her supporters stopped and remained standing; she moved on, and walked -once around the pit, paused a moment, and while muttering a prayer, threw -some flowers into the fire. She then walked up deliberately and steadily -to the brink, stepped into the centre of the flame, sat down, and leaning -back in the midst as if reposing upon a couch, was consumed without -uttering a shriek or betraying one sign of agony." - -It is fine and beautiful. It compels one's reverence and respect--no, -has it freely, and without compulsion. We see how the custom, once -started, could continue, for the soul of it is that stupendous power, -Faith; faith brought to the pitch of effectiveness by the cumulative -force of example and long use and custom; but we cannot understand how -the first widows came to take to it. That is a perplexing detail. - -Sleeman says that it was usual to play music at the suttee, but that the -white man's notion that this was to drown the screams of the martyr is -not correct; that it had a quite different purpose. It was believed that -the martyr died prophecying; that the prophecies sometimes foretold -disaster, and it was considered a kindness to those upon whom it was to -fall to drown the voice and keep them in ignorance of the misfortune that -was to come. - - - - -CHAPTER XLIX. - -He had had much experience of physicians, and said "the only way to keep -your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what; you don't like, -and do what you'd druther not. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -It was a long journey--two nights, one day, and part of another day, from -Bombay eastward to Allahabad; but it was always interesting, and it was -not fatiguing. At first the, night travel promised to be fatiguing, but -that was on account of pyjamas. This foolish night-dress consists of -jacket and drawers. Sometimes they are made of silk, sometimes of a -raspy, scratchy, slazy woolen material with a sandpaper surface. The -drawers are loose elephant-legged and elephant-waisted things, and -instead of buttoning around the body there is a drawstring to produce the -required shrinkage. The jacket is roomy, and one buttons it in front. -Pyjamas are hot on a hot night and cold on a cold night--defects which a -nightshirt is free from. I tried the pyjamas in order to be in the -fashion; but I was obliged to give them up, I couldn't stand them. There -was no sufficient change from day-gear to night-gear. I missed the -refreshing and luxurious sense, induced by the night-gown, of being -undressed, emancipated, set free from restraints and trammels. In place -of that, I had the worried, confined, oppressed, suffocated sense of -being abed with my clothes on. All through the warm half of the night -the coarse surfaces irritated my skin and made it feel baked and -feverish, and the dreams which came in the fitful flurries of slumber -were such as distress the sleep of the damned, or ought to; and all -through the cold other half of the night I could get no time for sleep -because I had to employ it all in stealing blankets. But blankets are of -no value at such a time; the higher they are piled the more effectively -they cork the cold in and keep it from getting out. The result is that -your legs are ice, and you know how you will feel by and by when you are -buried. In a sane interval I discarded the pyjamas, and led a rational -and comfortable life thenceforth. - -Out in the country in India, the day begins early. One sees a plain, -perfectly flat, dust-colored and brick-yardy, stretching limitlessly away -on every side in the dim gray light, striped everywhere with hard-beaten -narrow paths, the vast flatness broken at wide intervals by bunches of -spectral trees that mark where villages are; and along all the paths are -slender women and the black forms of lanky naked men moving, to their -work, the women with brass water-jars on their heads, the men carrying -hoes. The man is not entirely naked; always there is a bit of white rag, -a loin-cloth; it amounts to a bandage, and is a white accent on his black -person, like the silver band around the middle of a pipe-stem. Sometimes -he also wears a fluffy and voluminous white turban, and this adds a -second accent. He then answers properly to Miss Gordon Cumming's flash- -light picture of him--as a person who is dressed in "a turban and a -pocket handkerchief." - -All day long one has this monotony of dust-colored dead levels and -scattering bunches of trees and mud villages. You soon realize that -India is not beautiful; still there is an enchantment about it that is -beguiling, and which does not pall. You cannot tell just what it is that -makes the spell, perhaps, but you feel it and confess it, nevertheless. -Of course, at bottom, you know in a vague way that it is history; it is -that that affects you, a haunting sense of the myriads of human lives -that have blossomed, and withered, and perished here, repeating and -repeating and repeating, century after century, and age after age, the -barren and meaningless process; it is this sense that gives to this -forlorn, uncomely land power to speak to the spirit and make friends with -it; to, speak to it with a voice bitter with satire, but eloquent with -melancholy. The deserts of Australia and the ice-barrens of Greenland -have no speech, for they have no venerable history; with nothing to tell -of man and his vanities, his fleeting glories and his miseries, they have -nothing wherewith to spiritualize their ugliness and veil it with a -charm. - -There is nothing pretty about an Indian village--a mud one--and I do not -remember that we saw any but mud ones on that long flight to Allahabad. -It is a little bunch of dirt-colored mud hovels jammed together within a -mud wall. As a rule, the rains had beaten down parts of some of the -houses, and this gave the village the aspect of a mouldering and hoary -ruin. I believe the cattle and the vermin live inside the wall; for I -saw cattle coming out and cattle going in; and whenever I saw a villager, -he was scratching. This last is only circumstantial evidence, but I -think it has value. The village has a battered little temple or two, big -enough to hold an idol, and with custom enough to fat-up a priest and -keep him comfortable. Where there are Mohammedans there are generally a -few sorry tombs outside the village that have a decayed and neglected -look. The villages interested me because of things which Major Sleeman -says about them in his books--particularly what he says about the -division of labor in them. He says that the whole face of India is -parceled out into estates of villages; that nine-tenths of the vast -population of the land consist of cultivators of the soil; that it is -these cultivators who inhabit the villages; that there are certain -"established" village servants--mechanics and others who are apparently -paid a wage by the village at large, and whose callings remain in certain -families and are handed down from father to son, like an estate. He -gives a list of these established servants: Priest, blacksmith, -carpenter, accountant, washerman, basketmaker, potter, watchman, barber, -shoemaker, brazier, confectioner, weaver, dyer, etc. In his day witches -abounded, and it was not thought good business wisdom for a man to marry -his daughter into a family that hadn't a witch in it, for she would need -a witch on the premises to protect her children from the evil spells -which would certainly be cast upon them by the witches connected with the -neighboring families. - -The office of midwife was hereditary in the family of the basket-maker. -It belonged to his wife. She might not be competent, but the office was -hers, anyway. Her pay was not high--25 cents for a boy, and half as much -for a girl. The girl was not desired, because she would be a disastrous -expense by and by. As soon as she should be old enough to begin to wear -clothes for propriety's sake, it would be a disgrace to the family if she -were not married; and to marry her meant financial ruin; for by custom -the father must spend upon feasting and wedding-display everything he had -and all he could borrow--in fact, reduce himself to a condition of -poverty which he might never more recover from. - -It was the dread of this prospective ruin which made the killing of girl- -babies so prevalent in India in the old days before England laid the iron -hand of her prohibitions upon the piteous slaughter. One may judge of -how prevalent the custom was, by one of Sleeman's casual electrical -remarks, when he speaks of children at play in villages--where girl- -voices were never heard! - -The wedding-display folly is still in full force in India, and by -consequence the destruction of girl-babies is still furtively practiced; -but not largely, because of the vigilance of the government and the -sternness of the penalties it levies. - -In some parts of India the village keeps in its pay three other servants: -an astrologer to tell the villager when he may plant his crop, or make a -journey, or marry a wife, or strangle a child, or borrow a dog, or climb -a tree, or catch a rat, or swindle a neighbor, without offending the -alert and solicitous heavens; and what his dream means, if he has had one -and was not bright enough to interpret it himself by the details of his -dinner; the two other established servants were the tiger-persuader and -the hailstorm discourager. The one kept away the tigers if he could, and -collected the wages anyway, and the other kept off the hailstorms, or -explained why he failed. He charged the same for explaining a failure -that he did for scoring a success. A man is an idiot who can't earn a -living in India. - -Major Sleeman reveals the fact that the trade union and the boycott are -antiquities in India. India seems to have originated everything. The -"sweeper" belongs to the bottom caste; he is the lowest of the low--all -other castes despise him and scorn his office. But that does not trouble -him. His caste is a caste, and that is sufficient for him, and so he is -proud of it, not ashamed. Sleeman says: - - "It is perhaps not known to many of my countrymen, even in India, - that in every town and city in the country the right of sweeping the - houses and streets is a monopoly, and is supported entirely by the - pride of castes among the scavengers, who are all of the lowest - class. The right of sweeping within a certain range is recognized - by the caste to belong to a certain member; and if any other member - presumes to sweep within that range, he is excommunicated--no other - member will smoke out of his pipe or drink out of his jug; and he - can get restored to caste only by a feast to the whole body of - sweepers. If any housekeeper within a particular circle happens to - offend the sweeper of that range, none of his filth will be removed - till he pacifies him, because no other sweeper will dare to touch - it; and the people of a town are often more tyrannized over by these - people than by any other." - -A footnote by Major Sleeman's editor, Mr. Vincent Arthur Smith, says that -in our day this tyranny of the sweepers' guild is one of the many -difficulties which bar the progress of Indian sanitary reform. Think of -this: - - "The sweepers cannot be readily coerced, because no Hindoo or - Mussulman would do their work to save his life, nor will he pollute - himself by beating the refractory scavenger." - -They certainly do seem to have the whip-hand; it would be difficult to -imagine a more impregnable position. "The vested rights described in the -text are so fully recognized in practice that they are frequently the -subject of sale or mortgage." - -Just like a milk-route; or like a London crossing-sweepership. It is -said that the London crossing-sweeper's right to his crossing is -recognized by the rest of the guild; that they protect him in its -possession; that certain choice crossings are valuable property, and are -saleable at high figures. I have noticed that the man who sweeps in -front of the Army and Navy Stores has a wealthy South African -aristocratic style about him; and when he is off his guard, he has -exactly that look on his face which you always see in the face of a man -who has is saving up his daughter to marry her to a duke. - -It appears from Sleeman that in India the occupation of elephant-driver -is confined to Mohammedans. I wonder why that is. The water-carrier -('bheestie') is a Mohammedan, but it is said that the reason of that is, -that the Hindoo's religion does not allow him to touch the skin of dead -kine, and that is what the water-sack is made of; it would defile him. -And it doesn't allow him to eat meat; the animal that furnished the meat -was murdered, and to take any creature's life is a sin. It is a good and -gentle religion, but inconvenient. - -A great Indian river, at low water, suggests the familiar anatomical -picture of a skinned human body, the intricate mesh of interwoven muscles -and tendons to stand for water-channels, and the archipelagoes of fat and -flesh inclosed by them to stand for the sandbars. Somewhere on this -journey we passed such a river, and on a later journey we saw in the -Sutlej the duplicate of that river. Curious rivers they are; low shores -a dizzy distance apart, with nothing between but an enormous acreage of -sand-flats with sluggish little veins of water dribbling around amongst -them; Saharas of sand, smallpox-pitted with footprints punctured in belts -as straight as the equator clear from the one shore to the other (barring -the channel-interruptions)--a dry-shod ferry, you see. Long railway -bridges are required for this sort of rivers, and India has them. You -approach Allahabad by a very long one. It was now carrying us across the -bed of the Jumna, a bed which did not seem to have been slept in for one -while or more. It wasn't all river-bed--most of it was overflow ground. - -Allahabad means "City of God." I get this from the books. From a printed -curiosity--a letter written by one of those brave and confident Hindoo -strugglers with the English tongue, called a "babu"--I got a more -compressed translation: "Godville." It is perfectly correct, but that is -the most that can be said for it. - -We arrived in the forenoon, and short-handed; for Satan got left behind -somewhere that morning, and did not overtake us until after nightfall. -It seemed very peaceful without him. The world seemed asleep and -dreaming. - -I did not see the native town, I think. I do not remember why; for an -incident connects it with the Great Mutiny, and that is enough to make -any place interesting. But I saw the English part of the city. It is a -town of wide avenues and noble distances, and is comely and alluring, and -full of suggestions of comfort and leisure, and of the serenity which a -good conscience buttressed by a sufficient bank account gives. The -bungalows (dwellings) stand well back in the seclusion and privacy of -large enclosed compounds (private grounds, as we should say) and in the -shade and shelter of trees. Even the photographer and the prosperous -merchant ply their industries in the elegant reserve of big compounds, -and the citizens drive in thereupon their business occasions. And not in -cabs--no; in the Indian cities cabs are for the drifting stranger; all -the white citizens have private carriages; and each carriage has a flock -of white-turbaned black footmen and drivers all over it. The vicinity of -a lecture-hall looks like a snowstorm,--and makes the lecturer feel like -an opera. India has many names, and they are correctly descriptive. It -is the Land of Contradictions, the Land of Subtlety and Superstition, the -Land of Wealth and Poverty, the Land of Splendor and Desolation, the Land -of Plague and Famine, the Land of the Thug and the Poisoner, and of the -Meek and the Patient, the Land of the Suttee, the Land of the -Unreinstatable Widow, the Land where All Life is Holy, the Land of -Cremation, the Land where the Vulture is a Grave and a Monument, the Land -of the Multitudinous Gods; and if signs go for anything, it is the Land -of the Private Carriage. - -In Bombay the forewoman of a millinery shop came to the hotel in her -private carriage to take the measure for a gown--not for me, but for -another. She had come out to India to make a temporary stay, but was -extending it indefinitely; indeed, she was purposing to end her days -there. In London, she said, her work had been hard, her hours long; for -economy's sake she had had to live in shabby rooms and far away from the -shop, watch the pennies, deny herself many of the common comforts of -life, restrict herself in effect to its bare necessities, eschew cabs, -travel third-class by underground train to and from her work, swallowing -coal-smoke and cinders all the way, and sometimes troubled with the -society of men and women who were less desirable than the smoke and the -cinders. But in Bombay, on almost any kind of wages, she could live in -comfort, and keep her carriage, and have six servants in place of the -woman-of-all-work she had had in her English home. Later, in Calcutta, I -found that the Standard Oil clerks had small one-horse vehicles, and did -no walking; and I was told that the clerks of the other large concerns -there had the like equipment. But to return to Allahabad. - -I was up at dawn, the next morning. In India the tourist's servant does -not sleep in a room in the hotel, but rolls himself up head and ears in -his blanket and stretches himself on the veranda, across the front of his -master's door, and spends the night there. I don't believe anybody's -servant occupies a room. Apparently, the bungalow servants sleep on the -veranda; it is roomy, and goes all around the house. I speak of -menservants; I saw none of the other sex. I think there are none, except -child-nurses. I was up at dawn, and walked around the veranda, past the -rows of sleepers. In front of one door a Hindoo servant was squatting, -waiting for his master to call him. He had polished the yellow shoes and -placed them by the door, and now he had nothing to do but wait. It was -freezing cold, but there he was, as motionless as a sculptured image, and -as patient. It troubled me. I wanted to say to him, Don't crouch there -like that and freeze; nobody requires it of you; stir around and get -warm." But I hadn't the words. I thought of saying 'jeldy jow', but I -couldn't remember what it meant, so I didn't say it. I knew another -phrase, but it wouldn't come to my mind. I moved on, purposing to -dismiss him from my thoughts, but his bare legs and bare feet kept him -there. They kept drawing me back from the sunny side to a point whence I -could see him. At the end of an hour he had not changed his attitude in -the least degree. It was a curious and impressive exhibition of meekness -and patience, or fortitude or indifference, I did not know which. But it -worried me, and it was spoiling my morning. In fact, it spoiled two -hours of it quite thoroughly. I quitted this vicinity, then, and left -him to punish himself as much as he might want to. But up to that time -the man had not changed his attitude a hair. He will always remain with -me, I suppose; his figure never grows vague in my memory. Whenever I -read of Indian resignation, Indian patience under wrongs, hardships, and -misfortunes, he comes before me. He becomes a personification, and -stands for India in trouble. And for untold ages India in trouble has -been pursued with the very remark which I was going to utter but didn't, -because its meaning had slipped me: Jeddy jow! ("Come, shove along!") - -Why, it was the very thing. - -In the early brightness we made a long drive out to the Fort. Part of -the way was beautiful. It led under stately trees and through groups of -native houses and by the usual village well, where the picturesque gangs -are always flocking to and fro and laughing and chattering; and this time -brawny men were deluging their bronze bodies with the limpid water, and -making a refreshing and enticing show of it; enticing, for the sun was -already transacting business, firing India up for the day. There was -plenty of this early bathing going on, for it was getting toward -breakfast time, and with an unpurified body the Hindoo must not eat. - -Then we struck into the hot plain, and found the roads crowded with -pilgrims of both sexes, for one of the great religious fairs of India was -being held, just beyond the Fort, at the junction of the sacred rivers, -the Ganges and the Jumna. Three sacred rivers, I should have said, for -there is a subterranean one. Nobody has seen it, but that doesn't -signify. The fact that it is there is enough. These pilgrims had come -from all over India; some of them had been months on the way, plodding -patiently along in the heat and dust, worn, poor, hungry, but supported -and sustained by an unwavering faith and belief; they were supremely -happy and content, now; their full and sufficient reward was at hand; -they were going to be cleansed from every vestige of sin and corruption -by these holy waters which make utterly pure whatsoever thing they touch, -even the dead and rotten. It is wonderful, the power of a faith like -that, that can make multitudes upon multitudes of the old and weak and -the young and frail enter without hesitation or complaint upon such -incredible journeys and endure the resultant miseries without repining. -It is done in love, or it is done in fear; I do not know which it is. -No matter what the impulse is, the act born of it is beyond imagination -marvelous to our kind of people, the cold whites. There are choice great -natures among us that could exhibit the equivalent of this prodigious -self-sacrifice, but the rest of us know that we should not be equal to -anything approaching it. Still, we all talk self-sacrifice, and this -makes me hope that we are large enough to honor it in the Hindoo. - -Two millions of natives arrive at this fair every year. How many start, -and die on the road, from age and fatigue and disease and scanty -nourishment, and how many die on the return, from the same causes, no one -knows; but the tale is great, one may say enormous. Every twelfth year -is held to be a year of peculiar grace; a greatly augmented volume of -pilgrims results then. The twelfth year has held this distinction since -the remotest times, it is said. It is said also that there is to be but -one more twelfth year--for the Ganges. After that, that holiest of all -sacred rivers will cease to be holy, and will be abandoned by the pilgrim -for many centuries; how many, the wise men have not stated. At the end -of that interval it will become holy again. Meantime, the data will be -arranged by those people who have charge of all such matters, the great -chief Brahmins. It will be like shutting down a mint. At a first glance -it looks most unbrahminically uncommercial, but I am not disturbed, being -soothed and tranquilized by their reputation. "Brer fox he lay low," as -Uncle Remus says; and at the judicious time he will spring something on -the Indian public which will show that he was not financially asleep when -he took the Ganges out of the market. - -Great numbers of the natives along the roads were bringing away holy -water from the rivers. They would carry it far and wide in India and -sell it. Tavernier, the French traveler (17th century), notes that -Ganges water is often given at weddings, "each guest receiving a cup or -two, according to the liberality of the host; sometimes 2,000 or 3,000 -rupees' worth of it is consumed at a wedding." - -The Fort is a huge old structure, and has had a large experience in -religions. In its great court stands a monolith which was placed there -more than 2,000 years ago to preach (Budhism) by its pious inscription; -the Fort was built three centuries ago by a Mohammedan Emperor--a -resanctification of the place in the interest of that religion. There is -a Hindoo temple, too, with subterranean ramifications stocked with -shrines and idols; and now the Fort belongs to the English, it contains a -Christian Church. Insured in all the companies. - ->From the lofty ramparts one has a fine view of the sacred rivers. They -join at that point--the pale blue Jumna, apparently clean and clear, and -the muddy Ganges, dull yellow and not clean. On a long curved spit -between the rivers, towns of tents were visible, with a multitude of -fluttering pennons, and a mighty swarm of pilgrims. It was a troublesome -place to get down to, and not a quiet place when you arrived; but it was -interesting. There was a world of activity and turmoil and noise, partly -religious, partly commercial; for the Mohammedans were there to curse and -sell, and the Hindoos to buy and pray. It is a fair as well as a -religious festival. Crowds were bathing, praying, and drinking the -purifying waters, and many sick pilgrims had come long journeys in -palanquins to be healed of their maladies by a bath; or if that might not -be, then to die on the blessed banks and so make sure of heaven. There -were fakeers in plenty, with their bodies dusted over with ashes and -their long hair caked together with cow-dung; for the cow is holy and so -is the rest of it; so holy that the good Hindoo peasant frescoes the -walls of his hut with this refuse, and also constructs ornamental figures -out of it for the gracing of his dirt floor. There were seated families, -fearfully and wonderfully painted, who by attitude and grouping -represented the families of certain great gods. There was a holy man who -sat naked by the day and by the week on a cluster of iron spikes, and did -not seem to mind it; and another holy man, who stood all day holding his -withered arms motionless aloft, and was said to have been doing it for -years. All of these performers have a cloth on the ground beside them -for the reception of contributions, and even the poorest of the people -give a trifle and hope that the sacrifice will be blessed to him. At -last came a procession of naked holy people marching by and chanting, and -I wrenched myself away. - - - - -CHAPTER L. - -The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that -wears a fig-leaf. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The journey to Benares was all in daylight, and occupied but a few hours. -It was admirably dusty. The dust settled upon you in a thick ashy layer -and turned you into a fakeer, with nothing lacking to the role but the -cow manure and the sense of holiness. There was a change of cars about -mid-afternoon at Moghul-serai--if that was the name--and a wait of two -hours there for the Benares train. We could have found a carriage and -driven to the sacred city, but we should have lost the wait. In other -countries a long wait at a station is a dull thing and tedious, but one -has no right to have that feeling in India. You have the monster crowd -of bejeweled natives, the stir, the bustle, the confusion, the shifting -splendors of the costumes--dear me, the delight of it, the charm of it -are beyond speech. The two-hour wait was over too soon. Among other -satisfying things to look at was a minor native prince from the backwoods -somewhere, with his guard of honor, a ragged but wonderfully gaudy gang -of fifty dark barbarians armed with rusty flint-lock muskets. The -general show came so near to exhausting variety that one would have said -that no addition to it could be conspicuous, but when this Falstaff and -his motleys marched through it one saw that that seeming impossibility -had happened. - -We got away by and by, and soon reached the outer edge of Benares; then -there was another wait; but, as usual, with something to look at. This -was a cluster of little canvasboxes-palanquins. A canvas-box is not much -of a sight--when empty; but when there is a lady in it, it is an object -of interest. These boxes were grouped apart, in the full blaze of the -terrible sun during the three-quarters of an hour that we tarried there. -They contained zenana ladies. They had to sit up; there was not room -enough to stretch out. They probably did not mind it. They are used to -the close captivity of the dwellings all their lives; when they go a -journey they are carried to the train in these boxes; in the train they -have to be secluded from inspection. Many people pity them, and I always -did it myself and never charged anything; but it is doubtful if this -compassion is valued. While we were in India some good-hearted Europeans -in one of the cities proposed to restrict a large park to the use of -zenana ladies, so that they could go there and in assured privacy go -about unveiled and enjoy the sunshine and air as they had never enjoyed -them before. The good intentions back of the proposition were -recognized, and sincere thanks returned for it, but the proposition -itself met with a prompt declination at the hands of those who were -authorized to speak for the zenana ladies. Apparently, the idea was -shocking to the ladies--indeed, it was quite manifestly shocking. Was -that proposition the equivalent of inviting European ladies to assemble -scantily and scandalously clothed in the seclusion of a private park? It -seemed to be about that. - -Without doubt modesty is nothing less than a holy feeling; and without -doubt the person whose rule of modesty has been trangressed feels the -same sort of wound that he would feel if something made holy to him by -his religion had suffered a desecration. I say "rule of modesty" because -there are about a million rules in the world, and this makes a million -standards to be looked out for. Major Sleeman mentions the case of some -high-caste veiled ladies who were profoundly scandalized when some -English young ladies passed by with faces bare to the world; so -scandalized that they spoke out with strong indignation and wondered that -people could be so shameless as to expose their persons like that. And -yet "the legs of the objectors were naked to mid-thigh." Both parties -were clean-minded and irreproachably modest, while abiding by their -separate rules, but they couldn't have traded rules for a change without -suffering considerable discomfort. All human rules are more or less -idiotic, I suppose. It is best so, no doubt. The way it is now, the -asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane -we should run out of building materials. - -You have a long drive through the outskirts of Benares before you get to -the hotel. And all the aspects are melancholy. It is a vision of dusty -sterility, decaying temples, crumbling tombs, broken mud walls, shabby -huts. The whole region seems to ache with age and penury. It must take -ten thousand years of want to produce such an aspect. We were still -outside of the great native city when we reached the hotel. It was a -quiet and homelike house, inviting, and manifestly comfortable. But we -liked its annex better, and went thither. It was a mile away, perhaps, -and stood in the midst of a large compound, and was built bungalow -fashion, everything on the ground floor, and a veranda all around. They -have doors in India, but I don't know why. They don't fasten, and they -stand open, as a rule, with a curtain hanging in the doorspace to keep -out the glare of the sun. Still, there is plenty of privacy, for no -white person will come in without notice, of course. The native men -servants will, but they don't seem to count. They glide in, barefoot and -noiseless, and are in the midst before one knows it. At first this is a -shock, and sometimes it is an embarrassment; but one has to get used to -it, and does. - -There was one tree in the compound, and a monkey lived in it. At first I -was strongly interested in the tree, for I was told that it was the -renowned peepul--the tree in whose shadow you cannot tell a lie. This -one failed to stand the test, and I went away from it disappointed. -There was a softly creaking well close by, and a couple of oxen drew -water from it by the hour, superintended by two natives dressed in the -usual "turban and pocket-handkerchief." The tree and the well were the -only scenery, and so the compound was a soothing and lonesome and -satisfying place; and very restful after so many activities. There was -nobody in our bungalow but ourselves; the other guests were in the next -one, where the table d'hote was furnished. A body could not be more -pleasantly situated. Each room had the customary bath attached--a room -ten or twelve feet square, with a roomy stone-paved pit in it and -abundance of water. One could not easily improve upon this arrangement, -except by furnishing it with cold water and excluding the hot, in -deference to the fervency of the climate; but that is forbidden. It -would damage the bather's health. The stranger is warned against taking -cold baths in India, but even the most intelligent strangers are fools, -and they do not obey, and so they presently get laid up. I was the most -intelligent fool that passed through, that year. But I am still more -intelligent now. Now that it is too late. - -I wonder if the 'dorian', if that is the name of it, is another -superstition, like the peepul tree. There was a great abundance and -variety of tropical fruits, but the dorian was never in evidence. It was -never the season for the dorian. It was always going to arrive from -Burma sometime or other, but it never did. By all accounts it was a most -strange fruit, and incomparably delicious to the taste, but not to the -smell. Its rind was said to exude a stench of so atrocious a nature that -when a dorian was in the room even the presence of a polecat was a -refreshment. We found many who had eaten the dorian, and they all spoke -of it with a sort of rapture. They said that if you could hold your nose -until the fruit was in your mouth a sacred joy would suffuse you from -head to foot that would make you oblivious to the smell of the rind, but -that if your grip slipped and you caught the smell of the rind before the -fruit was in your mouth, you would faint. There is a fortune in that -rind. Some day somebody will import it into Europe and sell it for -cheese. - -Benares was not a disappointment. It justified its reputation as a -curiosity. It is on high ground, and overhangs a grand curve of the -Ganges. It is a vast mass of building, compactly crusting a hill, and is -cloven in all directions by an intricate confusion of cracks which stand -for streets. Tall, slim minarets and beflagged temple-spires rise out of -it and give it picturesqueness, viewed from the river. The city is as -busy as an ant-hill, and the hurly-burly of human life swarming along the -web of narrow streets reminds one of the ants. The sacred cow swarms -along, too, and goes whither she pleases, and takes toll of the grain- -shops, and is very much in the way, and is a good deal of a nuisance, -since she must not be molested. - -Benares is older than history, older than tradition, older even than -legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together. From a -Hindoo statement quoted in Rev. Mr. Parker's compact and lucid Guide to -Benares, I find that the site of the town was the beginning-place of the -Creation. It was merely an upright "lingam," at first, no larger than a -stove-pipe, and stood in the midst of a shoreless ocean. This was the -work of the God Vishnu. Later he spread the lingam out till its surface -was ten miles across. Still it was not large enough for the business; -therefore he presently built the globe around it. Benares is thus the -center of the earth. This is considered an advantage. - -It has had a tumultuous history, both materially and spiritually. It -started Brahminically, many ages ago; then by and by Buddha came in -recent times 2,500 years ago, and after that it was Buddhist during many -centuries--twelve, perhaps--but the Brahmins got the upper hand again, -then, and have held it ever since. It is unspeakably sacred in Hindoo -eyes, and is as unsanitary as it is sacred, and smells like the rind of -the dorian. It is the headquarters of the Brahmin faith, and one-eighth -of the population are priests of that church. But it is not an -overstock, for they have all India as a prey. All India flocks thither -on pilgrimage, and pours its savings into the pockets of the priests in a -generous stream, which never fails. A priest with a good stand on the -shore of the Ganges is much better off than the sweeper of the best -crossing in London. A good stand is worth a world of money. The holy -proprietor of it sits under his grand spectacular umbrella and blesses -people all his life, and collects his commission, and grows fat and rich; -and the stand passes from father to son, down and down and down through -the ages, and remains a permanent and lucrative estate in the family. As -Mr. Parker suggests, it can become a subject of dispute, at one time or -another, and then the matter will be settled, not by prayer and fasting -and consultations with Vishnu, but by the intervention of a much more -puissant power--an English court. In Bombay I was told by an American -missionary that in India there are 640 Protestant missionaries at work. -At first it seemed an immense force, but of course that was a thoughtless -idea. One missionary to 500,000 natives--no, that is not a force; it is -the reverse of it; 640 marching against an intrenched camp of -300,000,000--the odds are too great. A force of 640 in Benares alone -would have its hands over-full with 8,000 Brahmin priests for adversary. -Missionaries need to be well equipped with hope and confidence, and this -equipment they seem to have always had in all parts of the world. Mr. -Parker has it. It enables him to get a favorable outlook out of -statistics which might add up differently with other mathematicians. For -instance: - -"During the past few years competent observers declare that the number of -pilgrims to Benares has increased." - -And then he adds up this fact and gets this conclusion: - -"But the revival, if so it may be called, has in it the marks of death. -It is a spasmodic struggle before dissolution." - -In this world we have seen the Roman Catholic power dying, upon these -same terms, for many centuries. Many a time we have gotten all ready for -the funeral and found it postponed again, on account of the weather or -something. Taught by experience, we ought not to put on our things for -this Brahminical one till we see the procession move. Apparently one of -the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion. - -I should have been glad to acquire some sort of idea of Hindoo theology, -but the difficulties were too great, the matter was too intricate. Even -the mere A, B, C of it is baffling. - -There is a trinity--Brahma, Shiva, and Vishnu--independent powers, -apparently, though one cannot feel quite sure of that, because in one of -the temples there is an image where an attempt has been made to -concentrate the three in one person. The three have other names and -plenty of them, and this makes confusion in one's mind. The three have -wives and the wives have several names, and this increases the confusion. -There are children, the children have many names, and thus the confusion -goes on and on. It is not worth while to try to get any grip upon the -cloud of minor gods, there are too many of them. - -It is even a justifiable economy to leave Brahma, the chiefest god of -all, out of your studies, for he seems to cut no great figure in India. -The vast bulk of the national worship is lavished upon Shiva and Vishnu -and their families. Shiva's symbol--the "lingam" with which Vishnu began -the Creation--is worshiped by everybody, apparently. It is the commonest -object in Benares. It is on view everywhere, it is garlanded with -flowers, offerings are made to it, it suffers no neglect. Commonly it is -an upright stone, shaped like a thimble-sometimes like an elongated -thimble. This priapus-worship, then, is older than history. Mr. Parker -says that the lingams in Benares "outnumber the inhabitants." - -In Benares there are many Mohammedan mosques. There are Hindoo temples -without number--these quaintly shaped and elaborately sculptured little -stone jugs crowd all the lanes. The Ganges itself and every individual -drop of water in it are temples. Religion, then, is the business of -Benares, just as gold-production is the business of Johannesburg. Other -industries count for nothing as compared with the vast and all-absorbing -rush and drive and boom of the town's specialty. Benares is the -sacredest of sacred cities. The moment you step across the sharply- -defined line which separates it from the rest of the globe, you stand -upon ineffably and unspeakably holy ground. Mr. Parker says: "It is -impossible to convey any adequate idea of the intense feelings of -veneration and affection with which the pious Hindoo regards 'Holy Kashi' -(Benares)." And then he gives you this vivid and moving picture: - - "Let a Hindoo regiment be marched through the district, and as soon - as they cross the line and enter the limits of the holy place they - rend the air with cries of ' Kashi ji ki jai--jai--jai! (Holy - Kashi! Hail to thee! Hail! Hail! Hail)'. The weary pilgrim - scarcely able to stand, with age and weakness, blinded by the dust - and heat, and almost dead with fatigue, crawls out of the oven-like - railway carriage and as soon as his feet touch the ground he lifts - up his withered hands and utters the same pious exclamation. Let a - European in some distant city in casual talk in the bazar mention - the fact that he has lived at Benares, and at once voices will be - raised to call down blessings on his head, for a dweller in Benares - is of all men most blessed." - -It makes our own religious enthusiasm seem pale and cold. Inasmuch as -the life of religion is in the heart, not the head, Mr. Parker's touching -picture seems to promise a sort of indefinite postponement of that -funeral. - - - - -CHAPTER LI. - -Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its -laws or its songs either. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Yes, the city of Benares is in effect just a big church, a religious -hive, whose every cell is a temple, a shrine or a mosque, and whose every -conceivable earthly and heavenly good is procurable under one roof, so to -speak--a sort of Army and Navy Stores, theologically stocked. - -I will make out a little itinerary for the pilgrim; then you will see how -handy the system is, how convenient, how comprehensive. If you go to -Benares with a serious desire to spiritually benefit yourself, you will -find it valuable. I got some of the facts from conversations with the -Rev. Mr. Parker and the others from his Guide to Benares; they are -therefore trustworthy. - -1. Purification. At sunrise you must go down to the Ganges and bathe, -pray, and drink some of the water. This is for your general -purification. - -2. Protection against Hunger. Next, you must fortify yourself against -the sorrowful earthly ill just named. This you will do by worshiping for -a moment in the Cow Temple. By the door of it you will find an image of -Ganesh, son of Shiva; it has the head of an elephant on a human body; its -face and hands are of silver. You will worship it a little, and pass on, -into a covered veranda, where you will find devotees reciting from the -sacred books, with the help of instructors. In this place are groups of -rude and dismal idols. You may contribute something for their support; -then pass into the temple, a grim and stenchy place, for it is populous -with sacred cows and with beggars. You will give something to the -beggars, and "reverently kiss the tails" of such cows as pass along, for -these cows are peculiarly holy, and this act of worship will secure you -from hunger for the day. - -3. "The Poor Man's Friend." You will next worship this god. He is at -the bottom of a stone cistern in the temple of Dalbhyeswar, under the -shade of a noble peepul tree on the bluff overlooking the Ganges, so you -must go back to the river. The Poor Man's Friend is the god of material -prosperity in general, and the god of the rain in particular. You will -secure material prosperity, or both, by worshiping him. He is Shiva, -under a new alias, and he abides in the bottom of that cistern, in the -form of a stone lingam. You pour Ganges water over him, and in return -for this homage you get the promised benefits. If there is any delay -about the rain, you must pour water in until the cistern is full; the -rain will then be sure to come. - -4. Fever. At the Kedar Ghat you will find a long flight of stone steps -leading down to the river. Half way down is a tank filled with sewage. -Drink as much of it as you want. It is for fever. - -5. Smallpox. Go straight from there to the central Ghat. At its -upstream end you will find a small whitewashed building, which is a -temple sacred to Sitala, goddess of smallpox. Her under-study is there-- -a rude human figure behind a brass screen. You will worship this for -reasons to be furnished presently. - -6. The Well of Fate. For certain reasons you will next go and do homage -at this well. You will find it in the Dandpan Temple, in the city. The -sunlight falls into it from a square hole in the masonry above. You will -approach it with awe, for your life is now at stake. You will bend over -and look. If the fates are propitious, you will see your face pictured -in the water far down in the well. If matters have been otherwise -ordered, a sudden cloud will mask the sun and you will see nothing. This -means that you have not six months to live. If you are already at the -point of death, your circumstances are now serious. There is no time to -lose. Let this world go, arrange for the next one. Handily situated, at -your very elbow, is opportunity for this. You turn and worship the image -of Maha Kal, the Great Fate, and happiness in the life to come is -secured. If there is breath in your body yet, you should now make an -effort to get a further lease of the present life. You have a chance. -There is a chance for everything in this admirably stocked and -wonderfully systemized Spiritual and Temporal Army and Navy Store. You -must get yourself carried to the - -7. Well of Long Life. This is within the precincts of the mouldering and -venerable Briddhkal Temple, which is one of the oldest in Benares. You -pass in by a stone image of the monkey god, Hanuman, and there, among the -ruined courtyards, you will find a shallow pool of stagnant sewage. It -smells like the best limburger cheese, and is filthy with the washings of -rotting lepers, but that is nothing, bathe in it; bathe in it gratefully -and worshipfully, for this is the Fountain of Youth; these are the Waters -of Long Life. Your gray hairs will disappear, and with them your -wrinkles and your rheumatism, the burdens of care and the weariness of -age, and you will come out young, fresh, elastic, and full of eagerness -for the new race of life. Now will come flooding upon you the manifold -desires that haunt the dear dreams of the morning of life. You will go -whither you will find - -8. Fulfillment of Desire. To wit, to the Kameshwar Temple, sacred to -Shiva as the Lord of Desires. Arrange for yours there. And if you like -to look at idols among the pack and jam of temples, there you will find -enough to stock a museum. You will begin to commit sins now with a -fresh, new vivacity; therefore, it will be well to go frequently to a -place where you can get - -9. Temporary Cleansing from Sin. To wit, to the Well of the Earring. -You must approach this with the profoundest reverence, for it is -unutterably sacred. It is, indeed, the most sacred place in Benares, the -very Holy of Holies, in the estimation of the people. It is a railed -tank, with stone stairways leading down to the water. The water is not -clean. Of course it could not be, for people are always bathing in it. -As long as you choose to stand and look, you will see the files of -sinners descending and ascending--descending soiled with sin, ascending -purged from it. "The liar, the thief, the murderer, and the adulterer -may here wash and be clean," says the Rev. Mr. Parker, in his book. Very -well. I know Mr. Parker, and I believe it; but if anybody else had said -it, I should consider him a person who had better go down in the tank and -take another wash. The god Vishnu dug this tank. He had nothing to dig -with but his "discus." I do not know what a discus is, but I know it is a -poor thing to dig tanks with, because, by the time this one was finished, -it was full of sweat--Vishnu's sweat. He constructed the site that -Benares stands on, and afterward built the globe around it, and thought -nothing of it, yet sweated like that over a little thing like this tank. -One of these statements is doubtful. I do not know which one it is, but -I think it difficult not to believe that a god who could build a world -around Benares would not be intelligent enough to build it around the -tank too, and not have to dig it. Youth, long life, temporary -purification from sin, salvation through propitiation of the Great Fate-- -these are all good. But you must do something more. You must - -10. Make ,Salvation ,Sure. There are several ways. To get drowned in -the Ganges is one, but that is not pleasant. To die within the limits of -Benares is another; but that is a risky one, because you might be out of -town when your time came. The best one of all is the Pilgrimage Around -the City. You must walk; also, you must go barefoot. The tramp is -forty-four miles, for the road winds out into the country a piece, and -you will be marching five or six days. But you will have plenty of -company. You will move with throngs and hosts of happy pilgrims whose -radiant costumes will make the spectacle beautiful and whose glad songs -and holy pans of triumph will banish your fatigues and cheer your spirit; -and at intervals there will be temples where you may sleep and be -refreshed with food. The pilgrimage completed, you have purchased -salvation, and paid for it. But you may not get it unless you - -11. Get Your Redemption Recorded. You can get this done at the Sakhi -Binayak Temple, and it is best to do it, for otherwise you might not be -able to prove that you had made the pilgrimage in case the matter should -some day come to be disputed. That temple is in a lane back of the Cow -Temple. Over the door is a red image of Ganesh of the elephant head, son -and heir of Shiva, and Prince of Wales to the Theological Monarchy, so to -speak. Within is a god whose office it is to record your pilgrimage and -be responsible for you. You will not see him, but you will see a Brahmin -who will attend to the matter and take the money. If he should forget to -collect the money, you can remind him. He knows that your salvation is -now secure, but of course you would like to know it yourself. You have -nothing to do but go and pray, and pay at the - -12. Well of the Knowledge of Salvation. It is close to the Golden -Temple. There you will see, sculptured out of a single piece of black -marble, a bull which is much larger than any living bull you have ever -seen, and yet is not a good likeness after all. And there also you will -see a very uncommon thing--an image of Shiva. You have seen his lingam -fifty thousand times already, but this is Shiva himself, and said to be a -good likeness. It has three eyes. He is the only god in the firm that -has three. "The well is covered by a fine canopy of stone supported by -forty pillars," and around it you will find what you have already seen at -almost every shrine you have visited in Benares, a mob of devout and -eager pilgrims. The sacred water is being ladled out to them; with it -comes to them the knowledge, clear, thrilling, absolute, that they are -saved; and you can see by their faces that there is one happiness in this -world which is supreme, and to which no other joy is comparable. You -receive your water, you make your deposit, and now what more would you -have? Gold, diamonds, power, fame? All in a single moment these things -have withered to dirt, dust, ashes. The world has nothing to give you -now. For you it is bankrupt. - -I do not claim that the pilgrims do their acts of worship in the order -and sequence above charted out in this Itinerary of mine, but I think -logic suggests that they ought to do so. Instead of a helter-skelter -worship, we then have a definite starting-place, and a march which -carries the pilgrim steadily forward by reasoned and logical progression -to a definite goal. Thus, his Ganges bath in the early morning gives him -an appetite; he kisses the cow-tails, and that removes it. It is now -business hours, and longings for material prosperity rise in his mind, -and be goes and pours water over Shiva's symbol; this insures the -prosperity, but also brings on a rain, which gives him a fever. Then he -drinks the sewage at the Kedar Ghat to cure the fever; it cures the fever -but gives him the smallpox. He wishes to know how it is going to turn -out; he goes to the Dandpan Temple and looks down the well. A clouded -sun shows him that death is near. Logically his best course for the -present, since he cannot tell at what moment he may die, is to secure a -happy hereafter; this he does, through the agency of the Great Fate. He -is safe, now, for heaven; his next move will naturally be to keep out of -it as long as he can. Therefore he goes to the Briddhkal Temple and -secures Youth and long life by bathing in a puddle of leper-pus which -would kill a microbe. Logically, Youth has re-equipped him for sin and -with the disposition to commit it; he will naturally go to the fane which -is consecrated to the Fulfillment of Desires, and make arrangements. -Logically, he will now go to the Well of the Earring from time to time to -unload and freshen up for further banned enjoyments. But first and last -and all the time he is human, and therefore in his reflective intervals -he will always be speculating in "futures." He will make the Great -Pilgrimage around the city and so make his salvation absolutely sure; he -will also have record made of it, so that it may remain absolutely sure -and not be forgotten or repudiated in the confusion of the Final -Settlement. Logically, also, he will wish to have satisfying and -tranquilizing personal knowledge that that salvation is secure; therefore -he goes to the Well of the Knowledge of Salvation, adds that completing -detail, and then goes about his affairs serene and content; serene and -content, for he is now royally endowed with an advantage which no -religion in this world could give him but his own; for henceforth he may -commit as many million sins as he wants to and nothing can come of it. - -Thus the system, properly and logically ordered, is neat, compact, -clearly defined, and covers the whole ground. I desire to recommend it -to such as find the other systems too difficult, exacting, and irksome -for the uses of this fretful brief life of ours. - -However, let me not deceive any one. My Itinerary lacks a detail. I -must put it in. The truth is, that after the pilgrim has faithfully -followed the requirements of the Itinerary through to the end and has -secured his salvation and also the personal knowledge of that fact, there -is still an accident possible to him which can annul the whole thing. If -he should ever cross to the other side of the Ganges and get caught out -and die there he would at once come to life again in the form of an ass. -Think of that, after all this trouble and expense. You see how -capricious and uncertain salvation is there. The Hindoo has a childish -and unreasoning aversion to being turned into an ass. It is hard to tell -why. One could properly expect an ass to have an aversion to being -turned into a Hindoo. One could understand that he could lose dignity by -it; also self-respect, and nine-tenths of his intelligence. But the -Hindoo changed into an ass wouldn't lose anything, unless you count his -religion. And he would gain much--release from his slavery to two -million gods and twenty million priests, fakeers, holy mendicants, and -other sacred bacilli; he would escape the Hindoo hell; he would also -escape the Hindoo heaven. These are advantages which the Hindoo ought to -consider; then he would go over and die on the other side. - -Benares is a religious Vesuvius. In its bowels the theological forces -have been heaving and tossing, rumbling, thundering and quaking, boiling, -and weltering and flaming and smoking for ages. But a little group of -missionaries have taken post at its base, and they have hopes. There are -the Baptist Missionary Society, the Church Missionary Society, the London -Missionary Society, the Wesleyan Missionary Society, and the Zenana Bible -and Medical Mission. They have schools, and the principal work seems to -be among the children. And no doubt that part of the work prospers best, -for grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion -they were brought up in. - - - - -CHAPTER LII. - -Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -In one of those Benares temples we saw a devotee working for salvation in -a curious way. He had a huge wad of clay beside him and was making it up -into little wee gods no bigger than carpet tacks. He stuck a grain of -rice into each--to represent the lingam, I think. He turned them out -nimbly, for he had had long practice and had acquired great facility. -Every day he made 2,000 gods, then threw them into the holy Ganges. This -act of homage brought him the profound homage of the pious--also their -coppers. He had a sure living here, and was earning a high place in the -hereafter. - -The Ganges front is the supreme show-place of Benares. Its tall bluffs -are solidly caked from water to summit, along a stretch of three miles, -with a splendid jumble of massive and picturesque masonry, a bewildering -and beautiful confusion of stone platforms, temples, stair-flights, rich -and stately palaces--nowhere a break, nowhere a glimpse of the bluff -itself; all the long face of it is compactly walled from sight by this -crammed perspective of platforms, soaring stairways, sculptured temples, -majestic palaces, softening away into the distances; and there is -movement, motion, human life everywhere, and brilliantly costumed-- -streaming in rainbows up and down the lofty stairways, and massed in -metaphorical flower-gardens on the miles of great platforms at the -river's edge. - -All this masonry, all this architecture represents piety. The palaces -were built by native princes whose homes, as a rule, are far from -Benares, but who go there from time to time to refresh their souls with -the sight and touch of the Ganges, the river of their idolatry. The -stairways are records of acts of piety; the crowd of costly little -temples are tokens of money spent by rich men for present credit and hope -of future reward. Apparently, the rich Christian who spends large sums -upon his religion is conspicuous with us, by his rarity, but the rich -Hindoo who doesn't spend large sums upon his religion is seemingly non- -existent. With us the poor spend money on their religion, but they keep -back some to live on. Apparently, in India, the poor bankrupt themselves -daily for their religion. The rich Hindoo can afford his pious outlays; -he gets much glory for his spendings, yet keeps back a sufficiency of his -income for temporal purposes; but the poor Hindoo is entitled to -compassion, for his spendings keep him poor, yet get him no glory. - -We made the usual trip up and down the river, seated in chairs under an -awning on the deck of the usual commodious hand-propelled ark; made it -two or three times, and could have made it with increasing interest and -enjoyment many times more; for, of course, the palaces and temples would -grow more and more beautiful every time one saw them, for that happens -with all such things; also, I think one would not get tired of the -bathers, nor their costumes, nor of their ingenuities in getting out of -them and into them again without exposing too much bronze, nor of their -devotional gesticulations and absorbed bead-tellings. - -But I should get tired of seeing them wash their mouths with that -dreadful water and drink it. In fact, I did get tired of it, and very -early, too. At one place where we halted for a while, the foul gush from -a sewer was making the water turbid and murky all around, and there was a -random corpse slopping around in it that had floated down from up -country. Ten steps below that place stood a crowd of men, women, and -comely young maidens waist deep in the water-and they were scooping it up -in their hands and drinking it. Faith can certainly do wonders, and this -is an instance of it. Those people were not drinking that fearful stuff -to assuage thirst, but in order to purify their souls and the interior of -their bodies. According to their creed, the Ganges water makes -everything pure that it touches--instantly and utterly pure. The sewer -water was not an offence to them, the corpse did not revolt them; the -sacred water had touched both, and both were now snow-pure, and could -defile no one. The memory of that sight will always stay by me; but not -by request. - -A word further concerning the nasty but all-purifying Ganges water. When -we went to Agra, by and by, we happened there just in time to be in at -the birth of a marvel--a memorable scientific discovery--the discovery -that in certain ways the foul and derided Ganges water is the most -puissant purifier in the world! This curious fact, as I have said, had -just been added to the treasury of modern science. It had long been -noted as a strange thing that while Benares is often afflicted with the -cholera she does not spread it beyond her borders. This could not be -accounted for. Mr. Henkin, the scientist in the employ of the government -of Agra, concluded to examine the water. He went to Benares and made his -tests. He got water at the mouths of the sewers where they empty into -the river at the bathing ghats; a cubic centimetre of it contained -millions of germs; at the end of six hours they were all dead. He caught -a floating corpse, towed it to the shore, and from beside it he dipped up -water that was swarming with cholera germs; at the end of six hours they -were all dead. He added swarm after swarm of cholera germs to this -water; within the six hours they always died, to the last sample. -Repeatedly, he took pure well water which was bare of animal life, and -put into it a few cholera germs; they always began to propagate at once, -and always within six hours they swarmed--and were numberable by millions -upon millions. - -For ages and ages the Hindoos have had absolute faith that the water of -the Ganges was absolutely pure, could not be defiled by any contact -whatsoever, and infallibly made pure and clean whatsoever thing touched -it. They still believe it, and that is why they bathe in it and drink -it, caring nothing for its seeming filthiness and the floating corpses. -The Hindoos have been laughed at, these many generations, but the -laughter will need to modify itself a little from now on. How did they -find out the water's secret in those ancient ages? Had they germ- -scientists then? We do not know. We only know that they had a -civilization long before we emerged from savagery. But to return to -where I was before; I was about to speak of the burning-ghat. - -They do not burn fakeers--those revered mendicants. They are so holy -that they can get to their place without that sacrament, provided they be -consigned to the consecrating river. We saw one carried to mid-stream -and thrown overboard. He was sandwiched between two great slabs of -stone. - -We lay off the cremation-ghat half an hour and saw nine corpses burned. -I should not wish to see any more of it, unless I might select the -parties. The mourners follow the bier through the town and down to the -ghat; then the bier-bearers deliver the body to some low-caste natives-- -Doms--and the mourners turn about and go back home. I heard no crying -and saw no tears, there was no ceremony of parting. Apparently, these -expressions of grief and affection are reserved for the privacy of the -home. The dead women came draped in red, the men in white. They are -laid in the water at the river's edge while the pyre is being prepared. - -The first subject was a man. When the Doms unswathed him to wash him, he -proved to be a sturdily built, well-nourished and handsome old gentleman, -with not a sign about him to suggest that he had ever been ill. Dry wood -was brought and built up into a loose pile; the corpse was laid upon it -and covered over with fuel. Then a naked holy man who was sitting on -high ground a little distance away began to talk and shout with great -energy, and he kept up this noise right along. It may have been the -funeral sermon, and probably was. I forgot to say that one of the -mourners remained behind when the others went away. This was the dead -man's son, a boy of ten or twelve, brown and handsome, grave and self- -possessed, and clothed in flowing white. He was there to burn his -father. He was given a torch, and while he slowly walked seven times -around the pyre the naked black man on the high ground poured out his -sermon more clamorously than ever. The seventh circuit completed, the -boy applied the torch at his father's head, then at his feet; the flames -sprang briskly up with a sharp crackling noise, and the lad went away. -Hindoos do not want daughters, because their weddings make such a ruinous -expense; but they want sons, so that at death they may have honorable -exit from the world; and there is no honor equal to the honor of having -one's pyre lighted by one's son. The father who dies sonless is in a -grievous situation indeed, and is pitied. Life being uncertain, the -Hindoo marries while he is still a boy, in the hope that he will have a -son ready when the day of his need shall come. But if he have no son, he -will adopt one. This answers every purpose. - -Meantime the corpse is burning, also several others. It is a dismal -business. The stokers did not sit down in idleness, but moved briskly -about, punching up the fires with long poles, and now and then adding -fuel. Sometimes they hoisted the half of a skeleton into the air, then -slammed it down and beat it with the pole, breaking it up so that it -would burn better. They hoisted skulls up in the same way and banged and -battered them. The sight was hard to bear; it would have been harder if -the mourners had stayed to witness it. I had but a moderate desire to -see a cremation, so it was soon satisfied. For sanitary reasons it would -be well if cremation were universal; but this form is revolting, and not -to be recommended. - -The fire used is sacred, of course--for there is money in it. Ordinary -fire is forbidden; there is no money in it. I was told that this sacred -fire is all furnished by one person, and that he has a monopoly of it and -charges a good price for it. Sometimes a rich mourner pays a thousand -rupees for it. To get to paradise from India is an expensive thing. -Every detail connected with the matter costs something, and helps to -fatten a priest. I suppose it is quite safe to conclude that that fire- -bug is in holy orders. - -Close to the cremation-ground stand a few time-worn stones which are -remembrances of the suttee. Each has a rough carving upon it, -representing a man and a woman standing or walking hand in hand, and -marks the spot where a widow went to her death by fire in the days when -the suttee flourished. Mr. Parker said that widows would burn themselves -now if the government would allow it. The family that can point to one -of these little memorials and say: "She who burned herself there was an -ancestress of ours," is envied. - -It is a curious people. With them, all life seems to be sacred except -human life. Even the life of vermin is sacred, and must not be taken. -The good Jain wipes off a seat before using it, lest he cause the death -of-some valueless insect by sitting down on it. It grieves him to have -to drink water, because the provisions in his stomach may not agree with -the microbes. Yet India invented Thuggery and the Suttee. India is a -hard country to understand. We went to the temple of the Thug goddess, -Bhowanee, or Kali, or Durga. She has these names and others. She is the -only god to whom living sacrifices are made. Goats are sacrificed to -her. Monkeys would be cheaper. There are plenty of them about the -place. Being sacred, they make themselves very free, and scramble around -wherever they please. The temple and its porch are beautifully carved, -but this is not the case with the idol. Bhowanee is not pleasant to look -at. She has a silver face, and a projecting swollen tongue painted a -deep red. She wears a necklace of skulls. - -In fact, none of the idols in Benares are handsome or attractive. And -what a swarm of them there is! The town is a vast museum of idols--and -all of them crude, misshapen, and ugly. They flock through one's dreams -at night, a wild mob of nightmares. When you get tired of them in the -temples and take a trip on the river, you find idol giants, flashily -painted, stretched out side by side on the shore. And apparently -wherever there is room for one more lingam, a lingam is there. If Vishnu -had foreseen what his town was going to be, he would have called it -Idolville or Lingamburg. - -The most conspicuous feature of Benares is the pair of slender white -minarets which tower like masts from the great Mosque of Aurangzeb. They -seem to be always in sight, from everywhere, those airy, graceful, -inspiring things. But masts is not the right word, for masts have a -perceptible taper, while these minarets have not. They are 142 feet -high, and only 8 1/2 feet in diameter at the base, and 7 1/2 at the -summit--scarcely any taper at all. These are the proportions of a -candle; and fair and fairylike candles these are. Will be, anyway, some -day, when the Christians inherit them and top them with the electric -light. There is a great view from up there--a wonderful view. A large -gray monkey was part of it, and damaged it. A monkey has no judgment. -This one was skipping about the upper great heights of the mosque-- -skipping across empty yawning intervals which were almost too wide for -him, and which he only just barely cleared, each time, by the skin of his -teeth. He got me so nervous that I couldn't look at the view. I -couldn't look at anything but him. Every time he went sailing over one -of those abysses my breath stood still, and when he grabbed for the perch -he was going for, I grabbed too, in sympathy. And he was perfectly -indifferent, perfectly unconcerned, and I did all the panting myself. -He came within an ace of losing his life a dozen times, and I was so -troubled about him that I would have shot him if I had had anything to do -it with. But I strongly recommend the view. There is more monkey than -view, and there is always going to be more monkey while that idiot -survives, but what view you get is superb. All Benares, the river, and -the region round about are spread before you. Take a gun, and look at -the view. - -The next thing I saw was more reposeful. It was a new kind of art. It -was a picture painted on water. It was done by a native. He sprinkled -fine dust of various colors on the still surface of a basin of water, and -out of these sprinklings a dainty and pretty picture gradually grew, a -picture which a breath could destroy. Somehow it was impressive, after -so much browsing among massive and battered and decaying fanes that rest -upon ruins, and those ruins upon still other ruins, and those upon still -others again. It was a sermon, an allegory, a symbol of Instability. -Those creations in stone were only a kind of water pictures, after all. - -A prominent episode in the Indian career of Warren Hastings had Benares -for its theater. Wherever that extraordinary man set his foot, he left -his mark. He came to Benares in 1781 to collect a fine of L500,000 which -he had levied upon its Rajah, Cheit Singly on behalf of the East India -Company. Hastings was a long way from home and help. There were, -probably, not a dozen Englishmen within reach; the Rajah was in his fort -with his myriads around him. But no matter. From his little camp in a -neighboring garden, Hastings sent a party to arrest the sovereign. He -sent on this daring mission a couple of hundred native soldiers sepoys-- -under command of three young English lieutenants. The Rajah submitted -without a word. The incident lights up the Indian situation -electrically, and gives one a vivid sense of the strides which the -English had made and the mastership they had acquired in the land since -the date of Clive's great victory. In a quarter of a century, from being -nobodies, and feared by none, they were become confessed lords and -masters, feared by all, sovereigns included, and served by all, -sovereigns included. It makes the fairy tales sound true. The English -had not been afraid to enlist native soldiers to fight against their own -people and keep them obedient. And now Hastings was not afraid to come -away out to this remote place with a handful of such soldiers and send -them to arrest a native sovereign. - -The lieutenants imprisoned the Rajah in his own fort. It was beautiful, -the pluckiness of it, the impudence of it. The arrest enraged the -Rajah's people, and all Benares came storming about the place and -threatening vengeance. And yet, but for an accident, nothing important -would have resulted, perhaps. The mob found out a most strange thing, an -almost incredible thing--that this handful of soldiers had come on this -hardy errand with empty guns and no ammunition. This has been attributed -to thoughtlessness, but it could hardly have been that, for in such large -emergencies as this, intelligent people do think. It must have been -indifference, an over-confidence born of the proved submissiveness of the -native character, when confronted by even one or two stern Britons in -their war paint. But, however that may be, it was a fatal discovery that -the mob had made. They were full of courage, now, and they broke into -the fort and massacred the helpless soldiers and their officers. -Hastings escaped from Benares by night and got safely away, leaving the -principality in a state of wild insurrection; but he was back again -within the month, and quieted it down in his prompt and virile way, and -took the Rajah's throne away from him and gave it to another man. He was -a capable kind of person was Warren Hastings. This was the only time he -was ever out of ammunition. Some of his acts have left stains upon his -name which can never be washed away, but he saved to England the Indian -Empire, and that was the best service that was ever done to the Indians -themselves, those wretched heirs of a hundred centuries of pitiless -oppression and abuse. - - - - -CHAPTER LIII. - -True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -It was in Benares that I saw another living god. That makes two. -I believe I have seen most of the greater and lesser wonders of the -world, but I do not remember that any of them interested me so -overwhelmingly as did that pair of gods. - -When I try to account for this effect I find no difficulty about it. -I find that, as a rule, when a thing is a wonder to us it is not because -of what we see in it, but because of what others have seen in it. We get -almost all our wonders at second hand. We are eager to see any -celebrated thing--and we never fail of our reward; just the deep -privilege of gazing upon an object which has stirred the enthusiasm or -evoked the reverence or affection or admiration of multitudes of our race -is a thing which we value; we are profoundly glad that we have seen it, -we are permanently enriched from having seen it, we would not part with -the memory of that experience for a great price. And yet that very -spectacle may be the Taj. You cannot keep your enthusiasms down, you -cannot keep your emotions within bounds when that soaring bubble of -marble breaks upon your view. But these are not your enthusiasms and -emotions--they are the accumulated emotions and enthusiasms of a thousand -fervid writers, who have been slowly and steadily storing them up in your -heart day by day and year by year all your life; and now they burst out -in a flood and overwhelm you; and you could not be a whit happier if they -were your very own. By and by you sober down, and then you perceive that -you have been drunk on the smell of somebody else's cork. For ever and -ever the memory of my distant first glimpse of the Taj will compensate me -for creeping around the globe to have that great privilege. - -But the Taj--with all your inflation of delusive emotions, acquired at -second-hand from people to whom in the majority of cases they were also -delusions acquired at second-hand--a thing which you fortunately did not -think of or it might have made you doubtful of what you imagined were -your own what is the Taj as a marvel, a spectacle and an uplifting and -overpowering wonder, compared with a living, breathing, speaking -personage whom several millions of human beings devoutly and sincerely -and unquestioningly believe to be a God, and humbly and gratefully -worship as a God? - -He was sixty years old when I saw him. He is called Sri 108 Swami -Bhaskarananda Saraswati. That is one form of it. I think that that is -what you would call him in speaking to him--because it is short. But you -would use more of his name in addressing a letter to him; courtesy would -require this. Even then you would not have to use all of it, but only -this much: - -Sri 108 Matparamahansrzpairivrajakach,aryaswamibhaskaranandasaraswati. - -You do not put "Esq." after it, for that is not necessary. The word -which opens the volley is itself a title of honor "Sri." The "108" -stands for the rest of his names, I believe. Vishnu has 108 names which -he does not use in business, and no doubt it is a custom of gods and a -privilege sacred to their order to keep 108 extra ones in stock. Just -the restricted name set down above is a handsome property, without the -108. By my count it has 58 letters in it. This removes the long German -words from competition; they are permanently out of the race. - -Sri 108 S. B. Saraswati has attained to what among the Hindoos is called -the "state of perfection." It is a state which other Hindoos reach by -being born again and again, and over and over again into this world, -through one re-incarnation after another--a tiresome long job covering -centuries and decades of centuries, and one that is full of risks, too, -like the accident of dying on the wrong side of the Ganges some time or -other and waking up in the form of an ass, with a fresh start necessary -and the numerous trips to be made all over again. But in reaching -perfection, Sri 108 S. B. S. has escaped all that. He is no longer a -part or a feature of this world; his substance has changed, all -earthiness has departed out of it; he is utterly holy, utterly pure; -nothing can desecrate this holiness or stain this purity; he is no longer -of the earth, its concerns are matters foreign to him, its pains and -griefs and troubles cannot reach him. When he dies, Nirvana is his; he -will be absorbed into the substance of the Supreme Deity and be at peace -forever. - -The Hindoo Scriptures point out how this state is to be reached, but it -is only once in a thousand years, perhaps, that candidate accomplishes -it. This one has traversed the course required, stage by stage, from the -beginning to the end, and now has nothing left to do but wait for the -call which shall release him from a world in which he has now no part nor -lot. First, he passed through the student stage, and became learned in -the holy books. Next he became citizen, householder, husband, and -father. That was the required second stage. Then--like John Bunyan's -Christian he bade perpetual good-bye to his family, as required, and went -wandering away. He went far into the desert and served a term as hermit. -Next, he became a beggar, "in accordance with the rites laid down in the -Scriptures," and wandered about India eating the bread of mendicancy. A -quarter of a century ago he reached the stage of purity. This needs no -garment; its symbol is nudity; he discarded the waist-cloth which he had -previously worn. He could resume it now if he chose, for neither that -nor any other contact can defile him; but he does not choose. - -There are several other stages, I believe, but I do not remember what -they are. But he has been through them. Throughout the long course he -was perfecting himself in holy learning, and writing commentaries upon -the sacred books. He was also meditating upon Brahma, and he does that -now. - -White marble relief-portraits of him are sold all about India. He lives -in a good house in a noble great garden in Benares, all meet and proper -to his stupendous rank. Necessarily he does not go abroad in the -streets. Deities would never be able to move about handily in any -country. If one whom we recognized and adored as a god should go abroad -in our streets, and the day it was to happen were known, all traffic -would be blocked and business would come to a standstill. - -This god is comfortably housed, and yet modestly, all things considered, -for if he wanted to live in a palace he would only need to speak and his -worshipers would gladly build it. Sometimes he sees devotees for a -moment, and comforts them and blesses them, and they kiss his feet and go -away happy. Rank is nothing to him, he being a god. To him all men are -alike. He sees whom he pleases and denies himself to whom he pleases. -Sometimes he sees a prince and denies himself to a pauper; at other times -he receives the pauper and turns the prince away. However, he does not -receive many of either class. He has to husband his time for his -meditations. I think he would receive Rev. Mr. Parker at any time. I -think he is sorry for Mr. Parker, and I think Mr. Parker is sorry for -him; and no doubt this compassion is good for both of them. - -When we arrived we had to stand around in the garden a little while and -wait, and the outlook was not good, for he had been turning away -Maharajas that day and receiving only the riff-raff, and we belonged in -between, somewhere. But presently, a servant came out saying it was all -right, he was coming. - -And sure enough, he came, and I saw him--that object of the worship of -millions. It was a strange sensation, and thrilling. I wish I could -feel it stream through my veins again. And yet, to me he was not a god, -he was only a Taj. The thrill was not my thrill, but had come to me -secondhand from those invisible millions of believers. By a hand-shake -with their god I had ground-circuited their wire and got their monster -battery's whole charge. - -He was tall and slender, indeed emaciated. He had a clean cut and -conspicuously intellectual face, and a deep and kindly eye. He looked -many years older than he really was, but much study and meditation and -fasting and prayer, with the arid life he had led as hermit and beggar, -could account for that. He is wholly nude when he receives natives, of -whatever rank they may be, but he had white cloth around his loins now, a -concession to Mr. Parker's Europe prejudices, no doubt. - -As soon as I had sobered down a little we got along very well together, -and I found him a most pleasant and friendly deity. He had heard a deal -about Chicago, and showed a quite remarkable interest in it, for a god. -It all came of the World's Fair and the Congress of Religions. If India -knows about nothing else American, she knows about those, and will keep -them in mind one while. - -He proposed an exchange of autographs, a delicate attention which made me -believe in him, but I had been having my doubts before. He wrote his in -his book, and I have a reverent regard for that book, though the words -run from right to left, and so I can't read it. It was a mistake to -print in that way. It contains his voluminous comments on the Hindoo -holy writings, and if I could make them out I would try for perfection -myself. I gave him a copy of Huckleberry Finn. I thought it might rest -him up a little to mix it in along with his meditations on Brahma, for he -looked tired, and I knew that if it didn't do him any good it wouldn't do -him any harm. - -He has a scholar meditating under him--Mina Bahadur Rana--but we did not -see him. He wears clothes and is very imperfect. He has written a -little pamphlet about his master, and I have that. It contains a wood- -cut of the master and himself seated on a rug in the garden. The -portrait of the master is very good indeed. The posture is exactly that -which Brahma himself affects, and it requires long arms and limber legs, -and can be accumulated only by gods and the india-rubber man. There is a -life-size marble relief of Shri 108, S.B.S. in the garden. It -represents him in this same posture. - -Dear me! It is a strange world. Particularly the Indian division of it. -This pupil, Mina Bahadur Rana, is not a commonplace person, but a man of -distinguished capacities and attainments, and, apparently, he had a fine -worldly career in front of him. He was serving the Nepal Government in a -high capacity at the Court of the Viceroy of India, twenty years ago. He -was an able man, educated, a thinker, a man of property. But the longing -to devote himself to a religious life came upon him, and he resigned his -place, turned his back upon the vanities and comforts of the world, and -went away into the solitudes to live in a hut and study the sacred -writings and meditate upon virtue and holiness and seek to attain them. -This sort of religion resembles ours. Christ recommended the rich to -give away all their property and follow Him in poverty, not in worldly -comfort. American and English millionaires do it every day, and thus -verify and confirm to the world the tremendous forces that lie in -religion. Yet many people scoff at them for this loyalty to duty, and -many will scoff at Mina Bahadur Rana and call him a crank. Like many -Christians of great character and intellect, he has made the study of his -Scriptures and the writing of books of commentaries upon them the loving -labor of his life. Like them, he has believed that his was not an idle -and foolish waste of his life, but a most worthy and honorable employment -of it. Yet, there are many people who will see in those others, men -worthy of homage and deep reverence, but in him merely a crank. But I -shall not. He has my reverence. And I don't offer it as a common thing -and poor, but as an unusual thing and of value. The ordinary reverence, -the reverence defined and explained by the dictionary costs nothing. -Reverence for one's own sacred things--parents, religion, flag, laws, and -respect for one's own beliefs--these are feelings which we cannot even -help. They come natural to us; they are involuntary, like breathing. -There is no personal merit in breathing. But the reverence which is -difficult, and which has personal merit in it, is the respect which you -pay, without compulsion, to the political or religious attitude of a man -whose beliefs are not yours. You can't revere his gods or his politics, -and no one expects you to do that, but you could respect his belief in -them if you tried hard enough; and you could respect him, too, if you -tried hard enough. But it is very, very difficult; it is next to -impossible, and so we hardly ever try. If the man doesn't believe as we -do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean it does nowadays, -because now we can't burn him. - -We are always canting about people's "irreverence," always charging this -offense upon somebody or other, and thereby intimating that we are better -than that person and do not commit that offense ourselves. Whenever we -do this we are in a lying attitude, and our speech is cant; for none of -us are reverent--in a meritorious way; deep down in our hearts we are all -irreverent. There is probably not a single exception to this rule in the -earth. There is probably not one person whose reverence rises higher -than respect for his own sacred things; and therefore, it is not a thing -to boast about and be proud of, since the most degraded savage has that-- -and, like the best of us, has nothing higher. To speak plainly, we -despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the -pale of our own list of sacred things. And yet, with strange -inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the -things which are holy to us. Suppose we should meet with a paragraph -like the following, in the newspapers: - -"Yesterday a visiting party of the British nobility had a picnic at Mount -Vernon, and in the tomb of Washington they ate their luncheon, sang -popular songs, played games, and danced waltzes and polkas." - -Should we be shocked? Should we feel outraged? Should we be amazed? -Should we call the performance a desecration? Yes, that would all -happen. We should denounce those people in round terms, and call them -hard names. - -And suppose we found this paragraph in the newspapers: - -"Yesterday a visiting party of American pork-millionaires had a picnic in -Westminster Abbey, and in that sacred place they ate their luncheon, sang -popular songs, played games, and danced waltzes and polkas." - -Would the English be shocked? Would they feel outraged? Would they be -amazed? Would they call the performance a desecration? That would all -happen. The pork-millionaires would be denounced in round terms; they -would be called hard names. - -In the tomb at Mount Vernon lie the ashes of America's most honored son; -in the Abbey, the ashes of England's greatest dead; the tomb of tombs, -the costliest in the earth, the wonder of the world, the Taj, was built -by a great Emperor to honor the memory of a perfect wife and perfect -mother, one in whom there was no spot or blemish, whose love was his stay -and support, whose life was the light of the world to him; in it her -ashes lie, and to the Mohammedan millions of India it is a holy place; to -them it is what Mount Vernon is to Americans, it is what the Abbey is to -the English. - -Major Sleeman wrote forty or fifty years ago (the italics are mine): - - "I would here enter my humble protest against the quadrille and - lunch parties which are sometimes given to European ladies and - gentlemen of the station at this imperial tomb; drinking and dancing - are no doubt very good things in their season, but they are sadly - out of place in a sepulchre." - -Were there any Americans among those lunch parties? If they were -invited, there were. - -If my imagined lunch-parties in Westminster and the tomb of Washington -should take place, the incident would cause a vast outbreak of bitter -eloquence about Barbarism and Irreverence; and it would come from two -sets of people who would go next day and dance in the Taj if they had a -chance. - -As we took our leave of the Benares god and started away we noticed a -group of natives waiting respectfully just within the gate--a Rajah from -somewhere in India, and some people of lesser consequence. The god -beckoned them to come, and as we passed out the Rajah was kneeling and -reverently kissing his sacred feet. - -If Barnum--but Barnum's ambitions are at rest. This god will remain in -the holy peace and seclusion of his garden, undisturbed. Barnum could -not have gotten him, anyway. Still, he would have found a substitute -that would answer. - - - - -CHAPTER LIV. - -Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a -bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth -$4 a minute. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -A comfortable railway journey of seventeen and a half hours brought us to -the capital of India, which is likewise the capital of Bengal--Calcutta. -Like Bombay, it has a population of nearly a million natives and a small -gathering of white people. It is a huge city and fine, and is called the -City of Palaces. It is rich in historical memories; rich in British -achievement--military, political, commercial; rich in the results of the -miracles done by that brace of mighty magicians, Clive and Hastings. And -has a cloud kissing monument to one Ochterlony. - -It is a fluted candlestick 250 feet high. This lingam is the only large -monument in Calcutta, I believe. It is a fine ornament, and will keep -Ochterlony in mind. - -Wherever you are, in Calcutta, and for miles around, you can see it; and -always when you see it you think of Ochterlony. And so there is not an -hour in the day that you do not think of Ochterlony and wonder who he -was. It is good that Clive cannot come back, for he would think it was -for Plassey; and then that great spirit would be wounded when the -revelation came that it was not. Clive would find out that it was for -Ochterlony; and he would think Ochterlony was a battle. And he would -think it was a great one, too, and he would say, "With three thousand I -whipped sixty thousand and founded the Empire--and there is no monument; -this other soldier must have whipped a billion with a dozen and saved the -world." - -But he would be mistaken. Ochterlony was a man, not a battle. And he -did good and honorable service, too; as good and honorable service as has -been done in India by seventy-five or a hundred other Englishmen of -courage, rectitude, and distinguished capacity. For India has been a -fertile breeding-ground of such men, and remains so; great men, both in -war and in the civil service, and as modest as great. But they have no -monuments, and were not expecting any. Ochterlony could not have been -expecting one, and it is not at all likely that he desired one--certainly -not until Clive and Hastings should be supplied. Every day Clive and -Hastings lean on the battlements of heaven and look down and wonder which -of the two the monument is for; and they fret and worry because they -cannot find out, and so the peace of heaven is spoiled for them and lost. -But not for Ochterlony. Ochterlony is not troubled. He doesn't suspect -that it is his monument. Heaven is sweet and peaceful to him. There is -a sort of unfairness about it all. - -Indeed, if monuments were always given in India for high achievements, -duty straitly performed, and smirchless records, the landscape would be -monotonous with them. The handful of English in India govern the Indian -myriads with apparent ease, and without noticeable friction, through -tact, training, and distinguished administrative ability, reinforced by -just and liberal laws--and by keeping their word to the native whenever -they give it. - -England is far from India and knows little about the eminent services -performed by her servants there, for it is the newspaper correspondent -who makes fame, and he is not sent to India but to the continent, to -report the doings of the princelets and the dukelets, and where they are -visiting and whom they are marrying. Often a British official spends -thirty or forty years in India, climbing from grade to grade by services -which would make him celebrated anywhere else, and finishes as a vice- -sovereign, governing a great realm and millions of subjects; then he goes -home to England substantially unknown and unheard of, and settles down in -some modest corner, and is as one extinguished. Ten years later there is -a twenty-line obituary in the London papers, and the reader is paralyzed -by the splendors of a career which he is not sure that he had ever heard -of before. But meanwhile he has learned all about the continental -princelets and dukelets. - -The average man is profoundly ignorant of countries that lie remote from -his own. When they are mentioned in his presence one or two facts and -maybe a couple of names rise like torches in his mind, lighting up an -inch or two of it and leaving the rest all dark. The mention of Egypt -suggests some Biblical facts and the Pyramids-nothing more. The mention -of South Africa suggests Kimberly and the diamonds and there an end. -Formerly the mention, to a Hindoo, of America suggested a name--George -Washington--with that his familiarity with our country was exhausted. -Latterly his familiarity with it has doubled in bulk; so that when -America is mentioned now, two torches flare up in the dark caverns of his -mind and he says, " Ah, the country of the great man Washington; and of -the Holy City--Chicago." For he knows about the Congress of Religion, and -this has enabled him to get an erroneous impression of Chicago. - -When India is mentioned to the citizen of a far country it suggests -Clive, Hastings, the Mutiny, Kipling, and a number of other great events; -and the mention of Calcutta infallibly brings up the Black Hole. And so, -when that citizen finds himself in the capital of India he goes first of -all to see the Black Hole of Calcutta--and is disappointed. - -The Black Hole was not preserved; it is gone, long, long ago. It is -strange. Just as it stood, it was itself a monument; a ready-made one. -It was finished, it was complete, its materials were strong and lasting, -it needed no furbishing up, no repairs; it merely needed to be let alone. -It was the first brick, the Foundation Stone, upon which was reared a -mighty Empire--the Indian Empire of Great Britain. It was the ghastly -episode of the Black Hole that maddened the British and brought Clive, -that young military marvel, raging up from Madras; it was the seed from -which sprung Plassey; and it was that extraordinary battle, whose like -had not been seen in the earth since Agincourt, that laid deep and strong -the foundations of England's colossal Indian sovereignty. - -And yet within the time of men who still live, the Black Hole was torn -down and thrown away as carelessly as if its bricks were common clay, not -ingots of historic gold. There is no accounting for human beings. - -The supposed site of the Black Hole is marked by an engraved plate. I -saw that; and better that than nothing. The Black Hole was a prison--a -cell is nearer the right word--eighteen feet square, the dimensions of an -ordinary bedchamber; and into this place the victorious Nabob of Bengal -packed 146 of his English prisoners. There was hardly standing room for -them; scarcely a breath of air was to be got; the time was night, the -weather sweltering hot. Before the dawn came, the captives were all dead -but twenty-three. Mr. Holwell's long account of the awful episode was -familiar to the world a hundred years ago, but one seldom sees in print -even an extract from it in our day. Among the striking things in it is -this. Mr. Holwell, perishing with thirst, kept himself alive by sucking -the perspiration from his sleeves. It gives one a vivid idea of the -situation. He presently found that while he was busy drawing life from -one of his sleeves a young English gentleman was stealing supplies from -the other one. Holwell was an unselfish man, a man of the most generous -impulses; he lived and died famous for these fine and rare qualities; yet -when he found out what was happening to that unwatched sleeve, he took -the precaution to suck that one dry first. The miseries of the Black -Hole were able to change even a nature like his. But that young -gentleman was one of the twenty-three survivors, and he said it was the -stolen perspiration that saved his life. From the middle of Mr. -Holwell's narrative I will make a brief excerpt: - - "Then a general prayer to Heaven, to hasten the approach of the - flames to the right and left of us, and put a period to our misery. - But these failing, they whose strength and spirits were quite - exhausted laid themselves down and expired quietly upon their - fellows: others who had yet some strength and vigor left made a last - effort at the windows, and several succeeded by leaping and - scrambling over the backs and heads of those in the first rank, and - got hold of the bars, from which there was no removing them. Many - to the right and left sunk with the violent pressure, and were soon - suffocated; for now a steam arose from the living and the dead, - which affected us in all its circumstances as if we were forcibly - held with our heads over a bowl full of strong volatile spirit of - hartshorn, until suffocated; nor could the effluvia of the one be - distinguished from the other, and frequently, when I was forced by - the load upon my head and shoulders to hold my face down, I was - obliged, near as I was to the window, instantly to raise it again to - avoid suffocation. I need not, my dear friend, ask your - commiseration, when I tell you, that in this plight, from half an - hour past eleven till near two in the morning, I sustained the - weight of a heavy man, with his knees in my back, and the pressure - of his whole body on my head. A Dutch surgeon who had taken his - seat upon my left shoulder, and a Topaz (a black Christian soldier) - bearing on my right; all which nothing could have enabled me to - support but the props and pressure equally sustaining me all around. - The two latter I frequently dislodged by shifting my hold on the - bars and driving my knuckles into their ribs; but my friend above - stuck fast, held immovable by two bars. - - "I exerted anew my strength and fortitude; but the repeated trials - and efforts I made to dislodge the insufferable incumbrances upon me - at last quite exhausted me; and towards two o'clock, finding I must - quit the window or sink where I was, I resolved on the former, - having bore, truly for the sake of others, infinitely more for life - than the best of it is worth. In the rank close behind me was an - officer of one of the ships, whose name was Cary, and who had - behaved with much bravery during the siege (his wife, a fine woman, - though country born, would not quit him, but accompanied him into - the prison, and was one who survived). This poor wretch had been - long raving for water and air; I told him I was determined to give - up life, and recommended his gaining my station. On my quitting it - he made a fruitless attempt to get my place; but the Dutch surgeon, - who sat on my shoulder, supplanted him. Poor Cary expressed his - thankfulness, and said he would give up life too; but it was with - the utmost labor we forced our way from the window (several in the - inner ranks appearing to me dead standing, unable to fall by the - throng and equal pressure around). He laid himself down to die; and - his death, I believe, was very sudden; for he was a short, full, - sanguine man. His strength was great; and, I imagine, had he not - retired with me, I should never have been able to force my way. I - was at this time sensible of no pain, and little uneasiness; I can - give you no better idea of my situation than by repeating my simile - of the bowl of spirit of hartshorn. I found a stupor coming on - apace, and laid myself down by that gallant old man, the Rev. Mr. - Jervas Bellamy, who laid dead with his son, the lieutenant, hand in - hand, near the southernmost wall of the prison. When I had lain - there some little time, I still had reflection enough to suffer some - uneasiness in the thought that I should be trampled upon, when dead, - as I myself had done to others. With some difficulty I raised - myself, and gained the platform a second time, where I presently - lost all sensation; the last trace of sensibility that I have been - able to recollect after my laying down, was my sash being uneasy - about my waist, which I untied, and threw from me. Of what passed - in this interval, to the time of my resurrection from this hole of - horrors, I can give you no account." - -There was plenty to see in Calcutta, but there was not plenty of time for -it. I saw the fort that Clive built; and the place where Warren Hastings -and the author of the Junius Letters fought their duel; and the great -botanical gardens; and the fashionable afternoon turnout in the Maidan; -and a grand review of the garrison in a great plain at sunrise; and a -military tournament in which great bodies of native soldiery exhibited -the perfection of their drill at all arms, a spectacular and beautiful -show occupying several nights and closing with the mimic storming of a -native fort which was as good as the reality for thrilling and accurate -detail, and better than the reality for security and comfort; we had a -pleasure excursion on the 'Hoogly' by courtesy of friends, and devoted -the rest of the time to social life and the Indian museum. One should -spend a month in the museum, an enchanted palace of Indian antiquities. -Indeed, a person might spend half a year among the beautiful and -wonderful things without exhausting their interest. - -It was winter. We were of Kipling's "hosts of tourists who travel up and -down India in the cold weather showing how things ought to be managed." -It is a common expression there, "the cold weather," and the people think -there is such a thing. It is because they have lived there half a -lifetime, and their perceptions have become blunted. When a person is -accustomed to 138 in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not -valuable. I had read, in the histories, that the June marches made -between Lucknow and Cawnpore by the British forces in the time of the -Mutiny were made weather--138 in the shade and had taken it for -historical embroidery. I had read it again in Serjeant-Major Forbes- -Mitchell's account of his military experiences in the Mutiny--at least I -thought I had--and in Calcutta I asked him if it was true, and he said it -was. An officer of high rank who had been in the thick of the Mutiny -said the same. As long as those men were talking about what they knew, -they were trustworthy, and I believed them; but when they said it was now -"cold weather," I saw that they had traveled outside of their sphere of -knowledge and were floundering. I believe that in India "cold weather" -is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the -necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will -melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy. It was -observable that brass ones were in use while I was in Calcutta, showing -that it was not yet time to change to porcelain; I was told the change to -porcelain was not usually made until May. But this cold weather was too -warm for us; so we started to Darjeeling, in the Himalayas--a twenty-four -hour journey. - - - - -CHAPTER LV. - -There are 869 different forms of lying, but only one of them has been -squarely forbidden. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy -neighbor. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - - -FROM DIARY: - -February 14. We left at 4:30 P.M. Until dark we moved through rich -vegetation, then changed to a boat and crossed the Ganges. - -February 15. Up with the sun. A brilliant morning, and frosty. A -double suit of flannels is found necessary. The plain is perfectly -level, and seems to stretch away and away and away, dimming and -softening, to the uttermost bounds of nowhere. What a soaring, -strenuous, gushing fountain spray of delicate greenery a bunch of bamboo -is! As far as the eye can reach, these grand vegetable geysers grace the -view, their spoutings refined to steam by distance. And there are fields -of bananas, with the sunshine glancing from the varnished surface of -their drooping vast leaves. And there are frequent groves of palm; and -an effective accent is given to the landscape by isolated individuals of -this picturesque family, towering, clean-stemmed, their plumes broken and -hanging ragged, Nature's imitation of an umbrella that has been out to -see what a cyclone is like and is trying not to look disappointed. And -everywhere through the soft morning vistas we glimpse the villages, the -countless villages, the myriad villages, thatched, built of clean new -matting, snuggling among grouped palms and sheaves of bamboo; villages, -villages, no end of villages, not three hundred yards apart, and dozens -and dozens of them in sight all the time; a mighty City, hundreds of -miles long, hundreds of miles broad, made all of villages, the biggest -city in the earth, and as populous as a European kingdom. I have seen no -such city as this before. And there is a continuously repeated and -replenished multitude of naked men in view on both sides and ahead. We -fly through it mile after mile, but still it is always there, on both -sides and ahead--brown-bodied, naked men and boys, plowing in the fields. -But not woman. In these two hours I have not seen a woman or a girl -working in the fields. - - From Greenland's icy mountains, - From India's coral strand, - Where Afric's sunny fountains - Roll down their golden sand. - From many an ancient river, - From many a palmy plain, - They call us to deliver - Their land from error's chain." - -Those are beautiful verses, and they have remained in my memory all my -life. But if the closing lines are true, let us hope that when we come -to answer the call and deliver the land from its errors, we shall secrete -from it some of our high-civilization ways, and at the same time borrow -some of its pagan ways to enrich our high system with. We have a right -to do this. If we lift those people up, we have a right to lift -ourselves up nine or ten grades or so, at their expense. A few years ago -I spent several weeks at Tolz, in Bavaria. It is a Roman Catholic -region, and not even Benares is more deeply or pervasively or -intelligently devout. In my diary of those days I find this: - - "We took a long drive yesterday around about the lovely country - roads. But it was a drive whose pleasure was damaged in a couple of - ways: by the dreadful shrines and by the shameful spectacle of gray - and venerable old grandmothers toiling in the fields. The shrines - were frequent along the roads--figures of the Saviour nailed to the - cross and streaming with blood from the wounds of the nails and the - thorns. - - "When missionaries go from here do they find fault with the pagan - idols? I saw many women seventy and even eighty years old mowing - and binding in the fields, and pitchforking the loads into the - wagons." - -I was in Austria later, and in Munich. In Munich I saw gray old women -pushing trucks up hill and down, long distances, trucks laden with -barrels of beer, incredible loads. In my Austrian diary I find this: - - "In the fields I often see a woman and a cow harnessed to the plow, - and a man driving. - - "In the public street of Marienbad to-day, I saw an old, bent, gray- - headed woman, in harness with a dog, drawing a laden sled over bare - dirt roads and bare pavements; and at his ease walked the driver, - smoking his pipe, a hale fellow not thirty years old." - -Five or six years ago I bought an open boat, made a kind of a canvas -wagon-roof over the stern of it to shelter me from sun and rain; hired a -courier and a boatman, and made a twelve-day floating voyage down the -Rhone from Lake Bourget to Marseilles. In my diary of that trip I find -this entry. I was far down the Rhone then: - - "Passing St. Etienne, 2:15 P.M. On a distant ridge inland, a tall - openwork structure commandingly situated, with a statue of the - Virgin standing on it. A devout country. All down this river, - wherever there is a crag there is a statue of the Virgin on it. I - believe I have seen a hundred of them. And yet, in many respects, - the peasantry seem to be mere pagans, and destitute of any - considerable degree of civilization. - - " . . . . We reached a not very promising looking village about - 4 o'clock, and I concluded to tie up for the day; munching fruit and - fogging the hood with pipe-smoke had grown monotonous; I could not - have the hood furled, because the floods of rain fell unceasingly. - The tavern was on the river bank, as is the custom. It was dull - there, and melancholy--nothing to do but look out of the window into - the drenching rain, and shiver; one could do that, for it was bleak - and cold and windy, and country France furnishes no fire. Winter - overcoats did not help me much; they had to be supplemented with - rugs. The raindrops were so large and struck the river with such - force that they knocked up the water like pebble-splashes. - - "With the exception of a very occasional woodenshod peasant, nobody - was abroad in this bitter weather--I mean nobody of our sex. But - all weathers are alike to the women in these continental countries. - To them and the other animals, life is serious; nothing interrupts - their slavery. Three of them were washing clothes in the river - under the window when I arrived, and they continued at it as long as - there was light to work by. One was apparently thirty; another--the - mother!--above fifty; the third--grandmother!--so old and worn and - gray she could have passed for eighty; I took her to be that old. - They had no waterproofs nor rubbers, of course; over their shoulders - they wore gunnysacks--simply conductors for rivers of water; some of - the volume reached the ground; the rest soaked in on the way. - - "At last a vigorous fellow of thirty-five arrived, dry and - comfortable, smoking his pipe under his big umbrella in an open - donkey-cart-husband, son, and grandson of those women! He stood up - in the cart, sheltering himself, and began to superintend, issuing - his orders in a masterly tone of command, and showing temper when - they were not obeyed swiftly enough. - - Without complaint or murmur the drowned women patiently carried out - the orders, lifting the immense baskets of soggy, wrung-out clothing - into the cart and stowing them to the man's satisfaction. There - were six of the great baskets, and a man of mere ordinary strength - could not have lifted any one of them. The cart being full now, the - Frenchman descended, still sheltered by his umbrella, entered the - tavern, and the women went drooping homeward, trudging in the wake - of the cart, and soon were blended with the deluge and lost to - sight. - - "When I went down into the public room, the Frenchman had his bottle - of wine and plate of food on a bare table black with grease, and was - "chomping" like a horse. He had the little religious paper which is - in everybody's hands on the Rhone borders, and was enlightening - himself with the histories of French saints who used to flee to the - desert in the Middle Ages to escape the contamination of woman. For - two hundred years France has been sending missionaries to other - savage lands. To spare to the needy from poverty like hers is fine - and true generosity." - -But to get back to India--where, as my favorite poem says-- - - Every prospect pleases, - And only man is vile." - -It is because Bavaria and Austria and France have not introduced their -civilization to him yet. But Bavaria and Austria and France are on their -way. They are coming. They will rescue him; they will refine the -vileness out of him. - -Some time during the forenoon, approaching the mountains, we changed from -the regular train to one composed of little canvas-sheltered cars that -skimmed along within a foot of the ground and seemed to be going fifty -miles an hour when they were really making about twenty. Each car had -seating capacity for half-a-dozen persons; and when the curtains were up -one was substantially out of doors, and could see everywhere, and get all -the breeze, and be luxuriously comfortable. It was not a pleasure -excursion in name only, but in fact. - -After a while the stopped at a little wooden coop of a station just -within the curtain of the sombre jungle, a place with a deep and dense -forest of great trees and scrub and vines all about it. The royal Bengal -tiger is in great force there, and is very bold and unconventional. From -this lonely little station a message once went to the railway manager in -Calcutta: "Tiger eating station-master on front porch; telegraph -instructions." - -It was there that I had my first tiger hunt. I killed thirteen. We were -presently away again, and the train began to climb the mountains. In one -place seven wild elephants crossed the track, but two of them got away -before I could overtake them. The railway journey up the mountain is -forty miles, and it takes eight hours to make it. It is so wild and -interesting and exciting and enchanting that it ought to take a week. As -for the vegetation, it is a museum. The jungle seemed to contain samples -of every rare and curious tree and bush that we had ever seen or heard -of. It is from that museum, I think, that the globe must have been -supplied with the trees and vines and shrubs that it holds precious. - -The road is infinitely and charmingly crooked. It goes winding in and -out under lofty cliffs that are smothered in vines and foliage, and -around the edges of bottomless chasms; and all the way one glides by -files of picturesque natives, some carrying burdens up, others going down -from their work in the tea-gardens; and once there was a gaudy wedding -procession, all bright tinsel and color, and a bride, comely and girlish, -who peeped out from the curtains of her palanquin, exposing her face with -that pure delight which the young and happy take in sin for sin's own -sake. - -By and by we were well up in the region of the clouds, and from that -breezy height we looked down and afar over a wonderful picture--the -Plains of India, stretching to the horizon, soft and fair, level as a -floor, shimmering with heat, mottled with cloud-shadows, and cloven with -shining rivers. Immediately below us, and receding down, down, down, -toward the valley, was a shaven confusion of hilltops, with ribbony roads -and paths squirming and snaking cream-yellow all over them and about -them, every curve and twist sharply distinct. - -At an elevation of 6,000 feet we entered a thick cloud, and it shut out -the world and kept it shut out. We climbed 1,000 feet higher, then began -to descend, and presently got down to Darjeeling, which is 6,000 feet -above the level of the Plains. - -We had passed many a mountain village on the way up, and seen some new -kinds of natives, among them many samples of the fighting Ghurkas. They -are not large men, but they are strong and resolute. There are no better -soldiers among Britain's native troops. And we had passed shoals of -their women climbing the forty miles of steep road from the valley to -their mountain homes, with tall baskets on their backs hitched to their -foreheads by a band, and containing a freightage weighing--I will not say -how many hundreds of pounds, for the sum is unbelievable. These were -young women, and they strode smartly along under these astonishing -burdens with the air of people out for a holiday. I was told that a -woman will carry a piano on her back all the way up the mountain; and -that more than once a woman had done it. If these were old women I -should regard the Ghurkas as no more civilized than the Europeans. -At the railway station at Darjeeling you find plenty of cab-substitutes-- -open coffins, in which you sit, and are then borne on men's shoulders up -the steep roads into the town. - -Up there we found a fairly comfortable hotel, the property of an -indiscriminate and incoherent landlord, who looks after nothing, but -leaves everything to his army of Indian servants. No, he does look after -the bill--to be just to him--and the tourist cannot do better than follow -his example. I was told by a resident that the summit of Kinchinjunga is -often hidden in the clouds, and that sometimes a tourist has waited -twenty-two days and then been obliged to go away without a sight of it. -And yet went not disappointed; for when he got his hotel bill he -recognized that he was now seeing the highest thing in the Himalayas. -But this is probably a lie. - -After lecturing I went to the Club that night, and that was a comfortable -place. It is loftily situated, and looks out over a vast spread of -scenery; from it you can see where the boundaries of three countries come -together, some thirty miles away; Thibet is one of them, Nepaul another, -and I think Herzegovina was the other. Apparently, in every town and -city in India the gentlemen of the British civil and military service -have a club; sometimes it is a palatial one, always it is pleasant and -homelike. The hotels are not always as good as they might be, and the -stranger who has access to the Club is grateful for his privilege and -knows how to value it. - -Next day was Sunday. Friends came in the gray dawn with horses, and my -party rode away to a distant point where Kinchinjunga and Mount Everest -show up best, but I stayed at home for a private view; for it was very -old, and I was not acquainted with the horses, any way. I got a pipe and -a few blankets and sat for two hours at the window, and saw the sun drive -away the veiling gray and touch up the snow-peaks one after another with -pale pink splashes and delicate washes of gold, and finally flood the -whole mighty convulsion of snow-mountains with a deluge of rich -splendors. - -Kinchinjunga's peak was but fitfully visible, but in the between times it -was vividly clear against the sky--away up there in the blue dome more -than 28,000 feet above sea level--the loftiest land I had ever seen, by -12,000 feet or more. It was 45 miles away. Mount Everest is a thousand -feet higher, but it was not a part of that sea of mountains piled up -there before me, so I did not see it; but I did not care, because I think -that mountains that are as high as that are disagreeable. - -I changed from the back to the front of the house and spent the rest of -the morning there, watching the swarthy strange tribes flock by from -their far homes in the Himalayas. All ages and both sexes were -represented, and the breeds were quite new to me, though the costumes of -the Thibetans made them look a good deal like Chinamen. The prayer-wheel -was a frequent feature. It brought me near to these people, and made -them seem kinfolk of mine. Through our preacher we do much of our -praying by proxy. We do not whirl him around a stick, as they do, but -that is merely a detail. The swarm swung briskly by, hour after hour, a -strange and striking pageant. It was wasted there, and it seemed a pity. -It should have been sent streaming through the cities of Europe or -America, to refresh eyes weary of the pale monotonies of the circus- -pageant. These people were bound for the bazar, with things to sell. We -went down there, later, and saw that novel congress of the wild peoples, -and plowed here and there through it, and concluded that it would be -worth coming from Calcutta to see, even if there were no Kinchinjunga and -Everest. - - - - -CHAPTER LVI. - -There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he -can't afford it, and when he can. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -On Monday and Tuesday at sunrise we again had fair-to-middling views of -the stupendous mountains; then, being well cooled off and refreshed, we -were ready to chance the weather of the lower world once more. - -We traveled up hill by the regular train five miles to the summit, then -changed to a little canvas-canopied hand-car for the 35-mile descent. It -was the size of a sleigh, it had six seats and was so low that it seemed -to rest on the ground. It had no engine or other propelling power, and -needed none to help it fly down those steep inclines. It only needed a -strong brake, to modify its flight, and it had that. There was a story -of a disastrous trip made down the mountain once in this little car by -the Lieutenant-Governor of Bengal, when the car jumped the track and -threw its passengers over a precipice. It was not true, but the story -had value for me, for it made me nervous, and nervousness wakes a person -up and makes him alive and alert, and heightens the thrill of a new and -doubtful experience. The car could really jump the track, of course; a -pebble on the track, placed there by either accident or malice, at a -sharp curve where one might strike it before the eye could discover it, -could derail the car and fling it down into India; and the fact that the -lieutenant-governor had escaped was no proof that I would have the same -luck. And standing there, looking down upon the Indian Empire from the -airy altitude of 7,000 feet, it seemed unpleasantly far, dangerously far, -to be flung from a handcar. - -But after all, there was but small danger-for me. What there was, was -for Mr. Pugh, inspector of a division of the Indian police, in whose -company and protection we had come from Calcutta. He had seen long -service as an artillery officer, was less nervous than I was, and so he -was to go ahead of us in a pilot hand-car, with a Ghurka and another -native; and the plan was that when we should see his car jump over a -precipice we must put on our (break) and send for another pilot. It was -a good arrangement. Also Mr. Barnard, chief engineer of the mountain- -division of the road, was to take personal charge of our car, and he had -been down the mountain in it many a time. - -Everything looked safe. Indeed, there was but one questionable detail -left: the regular train was to follow us as soon as we should start, and -it might run over us. Privately, I thought it would. - -The road fell sharply down in front of us and went corkscrewing in and -out around the crags and precipices, down, down, forever down, suggesting -nothing so exactly or so uncomfortably as a croaked toboggan slide with -no end to it. Mr. Pugh waved his flag and started, like an arrow from a -bow, and before I could get out of the car we were gone too. I had -previously had but one sensation like the shock of that departure, and -that was the gaspy shock that took my breath away the first time that I -was discharged from the summit of a toboggan slide. But in both -instances the sensation was pleasurable--intensely so; it was a sudden -and immense exaltation, a mixed ecstasy of deadly fright and unimaginable -joy. I believe that this combination makes the perfection of human -delight. - -The pilot car's flight down the mountain suggested the swoop of a swallow -that is skimming the ground, so swiftly and smoothly and gracefully it -swept down the long straight reaches and soared in and out of the bends -and around the corners. We raced after it, and seemed to flash by the -capes and crags with the speed of light; and now and then we almost -overtook it--and had hopes; but it was only playing with us; when we got -near, it released its brake, make a spring around a corner, and the next -time it spun into view, a few seconds later, it looked as small as a -wheelbarrow, it was so far away. We played with the train in the same -way. We often got out to gather flowers or sit on a precipice and look -at the scenery, then presently we would hear a dull and growing roar, and -the long coils of the train would come into sight behind and above us; -but we did not need to start till the locomotive was close down upon us-- -then we soon left it far behind. It had to stop at every station, -therefore it was not an embarrassment to us. Our brake was a good piece -of machinery; it could bring the car to a standstill on a slope as steep -as a house-roof. - -The scenery was grand and varied and beautiful, and there was no hurry; -we could always stop and examine it. There was abundance of time. We -did not need to hamper the train; if it wanted the road, we could switch -off and let it go by, then overtake it and pass it later. We stopped at -one place to see the Gladstone Cliff, a great crag which the ages and the -weather have sculptured into a recognizable portrait of the venerable -statesman. Mr. Gladstone is a stockholder in the road, and Nature began -this portrait ten thousand years ago, with the idea of having the -compliment ready in time for the event. - -We saw a banyan tree which sent down supporting stems from branches which -were sixty feet above the ground. That is, I suppose it was a banyan; -its bark resembled that of the great banyan in the botanical gardens at -Calcutta, that spider-legged thing with its wilderness of vegetable -columns. And there were frequent glimpses of a totally leafless tree -upon whose innumerable twigs and branches a cloud of crimson butterflies -had lighted--apparently. In fact these brilliant red butterflies were -flowers, but the illusion was good. Afterward in South Africa, I saw -another splendid effect made by red flowers. This flower was probably -called the torch-plant--should have been so named, anyway. It had a -slender stem several feet high, and from its top stood up a single tongue -of flame, an intensely red flower of the size and shape of a small corn- -cob. The stems stood three or four feet apart all over a great hill- -slope that was a mile long, and make one think of what the Place de la -Concorde would be if its myriad lights were red instead of white and -yellow. - -A few miles down the mountain we stopped half an hour to see a Thibetan -dramatic performance. It was in the open air on the hillside. The -audience was composed of Thibetans, Ghurkas, and other unusual people. -The costumes of the actors were in the last degree outlandish, and the -performance was in keeping with the clothes. To an accompaniment of -barbarous noises the actors stepped out one after another and began to -spin around with immense swiftness and vigor and violence, chanting the -while, and soon the whole troupe would be spinning and chanting and -raising the dust. They were performing an ancient and celebrated -historical play, and a Chinaman explained it to me in pidjin English as -it went along. The play was obscure enough without the explanation; with -the explanation added, it was (opake). As a drama this ancient -historical work of art was defective, I thought, but as a wild and -barbarous spectacle the representation was beyond criticism. -Far down the mountain we got out to look at a piece of remarkable loop- -engineering--a spiral where the road curves upon itself with such -abruptness that when the regular train came down and entered the loop, we -stood over it and saw the locomotive disappear under our bridge, then in -a few moments appear again, chasing its own tail; and we saw it gain on -it, overtake it, draw ahead past the rear cars, and run a race with that -end of the train. It was like a snake swallowing itself. - -Half-way down the mountain we stopped about an hour at Mr. Barnard's -house for refreshments, and while we were sitting on the veranda looking -at the distant panorama of hills through a gap in the forest, we came -very near seeing a leopard kill a calf. --[It killed it the day before.] ---It is a wild place and lovely. From the woods all about came the songs -of birds,--among them the contributions of a couple of birds which I was -not then acquainted with: the brain-fever bird and the coppersmith. The -song of the brain-fever demon starts on a low but steadily rising key, -and is a spiral twist which augments in intensity and severity with each -added spiral, growing sharper and sharper, and more and more painful, -more and more agonizing, more and more maddening, intolerable, -unendurable, as it bores deeper and deeper and deeper into the listener's -brain, until at last the brain fever comes as a relief and the man dies. -I am bringing some of these birds home to America. They will be a great -curiosity there, and it is believed that in our climate they will -multiply like rabbits. - -The coppersmith bird's note at a certain distance away has the ring of a -sledge on granite; at a certain other distance the hammering has a more -metallic ring, and you might think that the bird was mending a copper -kettle; at another distance it has a more woodeny thump, but it is a -thump that is full of energy, and sounds just like starting a bung. So -he is a hard bird to name with a single name; he is a stone-breaker, -coppersmith, and bung-starter, and even then he is not completely named, -for when he is close by you find that there is a soft, deep, melodious -quality in his thump, and for that no satisfying name occurs to you. You -will not mind his other notes, but when he camps near enough for you to -hear that one, you presently find that his measured and monotonous -repetition of it is beginning to disturb you; next it will weary you, -soon it will distress you, and before long each thump will hurt your -head; if this goes on, you will lose your mind with the pain and misery -of it, and go crazy. I am bringing some of these birds home to America. -There is nothing like them there. They will be a great surprise, and it -is said that in a climate like ours they will surpass expectation for -fecundity. - -I am bringing some nightingales, too, and some cue-owls. I got them in -Italy. The song of the nightingale is the deadliest known to -ornithology. That demoniacal shriek can kill at thirty yards. The note -of the cue-owl is infinitely soft and sweet--soft and sweet as the -whisper of a flute. But penetrating--oh, beyond belief; it can bore -through boiler-iron. It is a lingering note, and comes in triplets, on -the one unchanging key: hoo-o-o, hoo-o-o, hoo-o-o; then a silence of -fifteen seconds, then the triplet again; and so on, all night. At first -it is divine; then less so; then trying; then distressing; then -excruciating; then agonizing, and at the end of two hours the listener is -a maniac. - -And so, presently we took to the hand-car and went flying down the -mountain again; flying and stopping, flying and stopping, till at last we -were in the plain once more and stowed for Calcutta in the regular train. -That was the most enjoyable day I have spent in the earth. For rousing, -tingling, rapturous pleasure there is no holiday trip that approaches the -bird-flight down the Himalayas in a hand-car. It has no fault, no -blemish, no lack, except that there are only thirty-five miles of it -instead of five hundred. - - - - -CHAPTER LVII. - -She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what -you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a -parrot. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man -or Nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun -visits on his round. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing over -looked. Always, when you think you have come to the end of her -tremendous specialties and have finished banging tags upon her as the -Land of the Thug, the Land of the Plague, the Land of Famine, the Land of -Giant Illusions, the Land of Stupendous Mountains, and so forth, another -specialty crops up and another tag is required. I have been overlooking -the fact that India is by an unapproachable supremacy--the Land of -Murderous Wild Creatures. Perhaps it will be simplest to throw away the -tags and generalize her with one all-comprehensive name, as the Land of -Wonders. - -For many years the British Indian Government has been trying to destroy -the murderous wild creatures, and has spent a great deal of money in the -effort. The annual official returns show that the undertaking is a -difficult one. - -These returns exhibit a curious annual uniformity in results; the sort of -uniformity which you find in the annual output of suicides in the world's -capitals, and the proportions of deaths by this, that, and the other -disease. You can always come close to foretelling how many suicides will -occur in Paris, London, and New York, next year, and also how many deaths -will result from cancer, consumption, dog-bite, falling out of the -window, getting run over by cabs, etc., if you know the statistics of -those matters for the present year. In the same way, with one year's -Indian statistics before you, you can guess closely at how many people -were killed in that Empire by tigers during the previous year, and the -year before that, and the year before that, and at how many were killed -in each of those years by bears, how many by wolves, and how many by -snakes; and you can also guess closely at how many people are going to be -killed each year for the coming five years by each of those agencies. -You can also guess closely at how many of each agency the government is -going to kill each year for the next five years. - -I have before me statistics covering a period of six consecutive years. -By these, I know that in India the tiger kills something over 800 persons -every year, and that the government responds by killing about double as -many tigers every year. In four of the six years referred to, the tiger -got 800 odd; in one of the remaining two years he got only 700, but in -the other remaining year he made his average good by scoring 917. He is -always sure of his average. Anyone who bets that the tiger will kill -2,400 people in India in any three consecutive years has invested his -money in a certainty; anyone who bets that he will kill 2,600 in any -three consecutive years, is absolutely sure to lose. - -As strikingly uniform as are the statistics of suicide, they are not any -more so than are those of the tiger's annual output of slaughtered human -beings in India. The government's work is quite uniform, too; it about -doubles the tiger's average. In six years the tiger killed 5,000 -persons, minus 50; in the same six years 10,000 tigers were killed, minus -400. - -The wolf kills nearly as many people as the tiger--700 a year to the -tiger's 800 odd--but while he is doing it, more than 5,000 of his tribe -fall. - -The leopard kills an average of 230 people per year, but loses 3,300 of -his own mess while he is doing it. - -The bear kills 100 people per year at a cost of 1,250 of his own tribe. - -The tiger, as the figures show, makes a very handsome fight against man. -But it is nothing to the elephant's fight. The king of beasts, the lord -of the jungle, loses four of his mess per year, but he kills forty--five -persons to make up for it. - -But when it comes to killing cattle, the lord of the jungle is not -interested. He kills but 100 in six years--horses of hunters, no doubt-- -but in the same six the tiger kills more than 84,000, the leopard -100,000, the bear 4,000, the wolf 70,000, the hyena more than 13,000, -other wild beasts 27,000, and the snakes 19,000, a grand total of more -than 300,000; an average of 50,000 head per year. - -In response, the government kills, in the six years, a total of 3,201,232 -wild beasts and snakes. Ten for one. - -It will be perceived that the snakes are not much interested in cattle; -they kill only 3,000 odd per year. The snakes are much more interested -in man. India swarms with deadly snakes. At the head of the list is the -cobra, the deadliest known to the world, a snake whose bite kills where -the rattlesnake's bite merely entertains. - -In India, the annual man-killings by snakes are as uniform, as regular, -and as forecastable as are the tiger-average and the suicide-average. -Anyone who bets that in India, in any three consecutive years the snakes -will kill 49,500 persons, will win his bet; and anyone who bets that in -India in any three consecutive years, the snakes will kill 53,500 -persons, will lose his bet. In India the snakes kill 17,000 people a -year; they hardly ever fall short of it; they as seldom exceed it. An -insurance actuary could take the Indian census tables and the -government's snake tables and tell you within sixpence how much it would -be worth to insure a man against death by snake-bite there. If I had a -dollar for every person killed per year in India, I would rather have it -than any other property, as it is the only property in the world not -subject to shrinkage. - -I should like to have a royalty on the government-end of the snake -business, too, and am in London now trying to get it; but when I get it -it is not going to be as regular an income as the other will be if I get -that; I have applied for it. The snakes transact their end of the -business in a more orderly and systematic way than the government -transacts its end of it, because the snakes have had a long experience -and know all about the traffic. You can make sure that the government -will never kill fewer than 110,000 snakes in a year, and that it will -newer quite reach 300,000 too much room for oscillation; good speculative -stock, to bear or bull, and buy and sell long and short, and all that -kind of thing, but not eligible for investment like the other. The man -that speculates in the government's snake crop wants to go carefully. I -would not advise a man to buy a single crop at all--I mean a crop of -futures for the possible wobble is something quite extraordinary. If he -can buy six future crops in a bunch, seller to deliver 1,500,000 -altogether, that is another matter. I do not know what snakes are worth -now, but I know what they would be worth then, for the statistics show -that the seller could not come within 427,000 of carrying out his -contract. However, I think that a person who speculates in snakes is a -fool, anyway. He always regrets it afterwards. - -To finish the statistics. In six years the wild beasts kill 20,000 -persons, and the snakes kill 103,000. In the same six the government -kills 1,073,546 snakes. Plenty left. - -There are narrow escapes in India. In the very jungle where I killed -sixteen tigers and all those elephants, a cobra bit me but it got well; -everyone was surprised. This could not happen twice in ten years, -perhaps. Usually death would result in fifteen minutes. - -We struck out westward or northwestward from Calcutta on an itinerary of -a zig-zag sort, which would in the course of time carry us across India -to its northwestern corner and the border of Afghanistan. The first part -of the trip carried us through a great region which was an endless -garden--miles and miles of the beautiful flower from whose juices comes -the opium, and at Muzaffurpore we were in the midst of the indigo -culture; thence by a branch road to the Ganges at a point near Dinapore, -and by a train which would have missed the connection by a week but for -the thoughtfulness of some British officers who were along, and who knew -the ways of trains that are run by natives without white supervision. -This train stopped at every village; for no purpose connected with -business, apparently. We put out nothing, we took nothing aboard. The -train bands stepped ashore and gossiped with friends a quarter of an -hour, then pulled out and repeated this at the succeeding villages. We -had thirty-five miles to go and six hours to do it in, but it was plain -that we were not going to make it. It was then that the English officers -said it was now necessary to turn this gravel train into an express. So -they gave the engine-driver a rupee and told him to fly. It was a simple -remedy. After that we made ninety miles an hour. We crossed the Ganges -just at dawn, made our connection, and went to Benares, where we stayed -twenty-four hours and inspected that strange and fascinating piety-hive -again; then left for Lucknow, a city which is perhaps the most -conspicuous of the many monuments of British fortitude and valor that are -scattered about the earth. - -The heat was pitiless, the flat plains were destitute of grass, and baked -dry by the sun they were the color of pale dust, which was flying in -clouds. But it was much hotter than this when the relieving forces -marched to Lucknow in the time of the Mutiny. Those were the days of 138 -deg. in the shade. - - - - -CHAPTER, LVIII. - -Make it a point to do something every day that you don't want to do. -This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty -without pain. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -It seems to be settled, now, that among the many causes from which the -Great Mutiny sprang, the main one was the annexation of the kingdom of -Oudh by the East India Company--characterized by Sir Henry Lawrence as -"the most unrighteous act that was ever committed." In the spring of -1857, a mutinous spirit was observable in many of the native garrisons, -and it grew day by day and spread wider and wider. The younger military -men saw something very serious in it, and would have liked to take hold -of it vigorously and stamp it out promptly; but they were not in -authority. Old-men were in the high places of the army--men who should -have been retired long before, because of their great age--and they -regarded the matter as a thing of no consequence. They loved their -native soldiers, and would not believe that anything could move them to -revolt. Everywhere these obstinate veterans listened serenely to the -rumbling of the volcanoes under them, and said it was nothing. - -And so the propagators of mutiny had everything their own way. They -moved from camp to camp undisturbed, and painted to the native soldier -the wrongs his people were suffering at the hands of the English, and -made his heart burn for revenge. They were able to point to two facts of -formidable value as backers of their persuasions: In Clive's day, native -armies were incoherent mobs, and without effective arms; therefore, they -were weak against Clive's organized handful of well-armed men, but the -thing was the other way, now. The British forces were native; they had -been trained by the British, organized by the British, armed by the -British, all the power was in their hands--they were a club made by -British hands to beat out British brains with. There was nothing to -oppose their mass, nothing but a few weak battalions of British soldiers -scattered about India, a force not worth speaking of. This argument, -taken alone, might not have succeeded, for the bravest and best Indian -troops had a wholesome dread of the white soldier, whether he was weak or -strong; but the agitators backed it with their second and best point -prophecy--a prophecy a hundred years old. The Indian is open to prophecy -at all times; argument may fail to convince him, but not prophecy. There -was a prophecy that a hundred years from the year of that battle of -Clive's which founded the British Indian Empire, the British power would -be overthrown and swept away by the natives. - -The Mutiny broke out at Meerut on the 10th of May, 1857, and fired a -train of tremendous historical explosions. Nana Sahib's massacre of the -surrendered garrison of Cawnpore occurred in June, and the long siege of -Lucknow began. The military history of England is old and great, but I -think it must be granted that the crushing of the Mutiny is the greatest -chapter in it. The British were caught asleep and unprepared. They were -a few thousands, swallowed up in an ocean of hostile populations. It -would take months to inform England and get help, but they did not falter -or stop to count the odds, but with English resolution and English -devotion they took up their task, and went stubbornly on with it, through -good fortune and bad, and fought the most unpromising fight that one may -read of in fiction or out of it, and won it thoroughly. - -The Mutiny broke out so suddenly, and spread with such rapidity that -there was but little time for occupants of weak outlying stations to -escape to places of safety. Attempts were made, of course, but they were -attended by hardships as bitter as death in the few cases which were -successful; for the heat ranged between 120 and 138 in the shade; the way -led through hostile peoples, and food and water were hardly to be had. -For ladies and children accustomed to ease and comfort and plenty, such a -journey must have been a cruel experience. Sir G. O. Trevelyan quotes -an example: - - "This is what befell Mrs. M----, the wife of the surgeon at a - certain station on the southern confines of the insurrection. 'I - heard,' she says, 'a number of shots fired, and, looking out, I saw - my husband driving furiously from the mess-house, waving his whip. - I ran to him, and, seeing a bearer with my child in his arms, I - caught her up, and got into the buggy. At the mess-house we found - all the officers assembled, together with sixty sepoys, who had - remained faithful. We went off in one large party, amidst a general - conflagration of our late homes. We reached the caravanserai at - Chattapore the next morning, and thence started for Callinger. At - this point our sepoy escort deserted us. We were fired upon by - match-lockmen, and one officer was shot dead. We heard, likewise, - that the people had risen at Callinger, so we returned and walked - back ten miles that day. M---- and I carried the child alternately. - Presently Mrs. Smalley died of sunstroke. We had no food amongst - us. An officer kindly lent us a horse. We were very faint. The - Major died, and was buried; also the Sergeant-major and some women. - The bandsmen left us on the nineteenth of June. We were fired at - again by match-lockmen, and changed direction for Allahabad. Our - party consisted of nine gentlemen, two children, the sergeant and - his wife. On the morning of the twentieth, Captain Scott took - Lottie on to his horse. I was riding behind my husband, and she was - so crushed between us. She was two years old on the first of the - month. We were both weak through want of food and the effect of the - sun. Lottie and I had no head covering. M---- had a sepoy's cap I - found on the ground. Soon after sunrise we were followed by - villagers armed with clubs and spears. One of them struck Captain - Scott's horse on the leg. He galloped off with Lottie, and my poor - husband never saw his child again. We rode on several miles, - keeping away from villages, and then crossed the river. Our thirst - was extreme. M---- had dreadful cramps, so that I had to hold him - on the horse. I was very uneasy about him. The day before I saw - the drummer's wife eating chupatties, and asked her to give a piece - to the child, which she did. I now saw water in a ravine. The - descent was steep, and our only drinkingvessel was M----'s cap. Our - horse got water, and I bathed my neck. I had no stockings, and my - feet were torn and blistered. Two peasants came in sight, and we - were frightened and rode off. The sergeant held our horse, and M--- - - put me up and mounted. I think he must have got suddenly faint, - for I fell and he over me, on the road, when the horse started off. - Some time before he said, and Barber, too, that he could not live - many hours. I felt he was dying before we came to the ravine. He - told me his wishes about his children and myself, and took leave. - My brain seemed burnt up. No tears came. As soon as we fell, the - sergeant let go the horse, and it went off; so that escape was cut - off. We sat down on the ground waiting for death. Poor fellow! he - was very weak; his thirst was frightful, and I went to get him - water. Some villagers came, and took my rupees and watch. I took - off my wedding-ring, and twisted it in my hair, and replaced the - guard. I tore off the skirt of my dress to bring water in, but was - no use, for when I returned my beloved's eyes were fixed, and, - though I called and tried to restore him, and poured water into his - mouth, it only rattled in his throat. He never spoke to me again. - I held him in my arms till he sank gradually down. I felt frantic, - but could not cry. I was alone. I bound his head and face in my - dress, for there was no earth to buy him. The pain in my hands and - feet was dreadful. I went down to the ravine, and sat in the water - on a stone, hoping to get off at night and look for Lottie. When I - came back from the water, I saw that they had not taken her little - watch, chain, and seals, so I tied them under my petticoat. In an - hour, about thirty villagers came, they dragged me out of the - ravine, and took off my jacket, and found the little chain. They - then dragged me to a village, mocking me all the way, and disputing - as to whom I was to belong to. The whole population came to look at - me. I asked for a bedstead, and lay down outside the door of a hut. - They had a dozen of cows, and yet refused me milk. When night came, - and the village was quiet, some old woman brought me a leafful of - rice. I was too parched to eat, and they gave me water. The - morning after a neighboring Rajah sent a palanquin and a horseman to - fetch me, who told me that a little child and three Sahibs had come - to his master's house. And so the poor mother found her lost one, - 'greatly blistered,' poor little creature. It is not for Europeans - in India to pray that their flight be not in the winter." - -In the first days of June the aged general, Sir Hugh Wheeler commanding -the forces at Cawnpore, was deserted by his native troops; then he moved -out of the fort and into an exposed patch of open flat ground and built a -four-foot mud wall around it. He had with him a few hundred white -soldiers and officers, and apparently more women and children than -soldiers. He was short of provisions, short of arms, short of -ammunition, short of military wisdom, short of everything but courage and -devotion to duty. The defense of that open lot through twenty-one days -and nights of hunger, thirst, Indian heat, and a never-ceasing storm of -bullets, bombs, and cannon-balls--a defense conducted, not by the aged -and infirm general, but by a young officer named Moore--is one of the -most heroic episodes in history. When at last the Nana found it -impossible to conquer these starving men and women with powder and ball, -he resorted to treachery, and that succeeded. He agreed to supply them -with food and send them to Allahabad in boats. Their mud wall and their -barracks were in ruins, their provisions were at the point of exhaustion, -they had done all that the brave could do, they had conquered an -honorable compromise,--their forces had been fearfully reduced by -casualties and by disease, they were not able to continue the contest -longer. They came forth helpless but suspecting no treachery, the Nana's -host closed around them, and at a signal from a trumpet the massacre -began. About two hundred women and children were spared--for the -present--but all the men except three or four were killed. Among the -incidents of the massacre quoted by Sir G. O. Trevelyan, is this: - - "When, after the lapse of some twenty minutes, the dead began to - outnumber the living;--when the fire slackened, as the marks grew - few and far between; then the troopers who had been drawn up to the - right of the temple plunged into the river, sabre between teeth, and - pistol in hand. Thereupon two half-caste Christian women, the wives - of musicians in the band of the Fifty-sixth, witnessed a scene which - should not be related at second-hand. 'In the boat where I was to - have gone,' says Mrs. Bradshaw, confirmed throughout by Mrs. Betts, - 'was the school-mistress and twenty-two misses. General Wheeler - came last in a palkee. They carried him into the water near the - boat. I stood close by. He said, 'Carry me a little further - towards the boat.' But a trooper said, 'No, get out here.' As the - General got out of the palkee, head-foremost, the trooper gave him a - cut with his sword into the neck, and he fell into the water. My - son was killed near him. I saw it; alas! alas! Some were stabbed - with bayonets; others cut down. Little infants were torn in pieces. - We saw it; we did; and tell you only what we saw. Other children - were stabbed and thrown into the river. The schoolgirls were burnt - to death. I saw their clothes and hair catch fire. In the water, a - few paces off, by the next boat, we saw the youngest daughter of - Colonel Williams. A sepoy was going to kill her with his bayonet. - She said, 'My father was always kind to sepoys.' He turned away, - and just then a villager struck her on the head with a club, and she - fell into the water. These people likewise saw good Mr. Moncrieff, - the clergyman, take a book from his pocket that he never had leisure - to open, and heard him commence a prayer for mercy which he was not - permitted to conclude. Another deponent observed an European making - for a drain like a scared water-rat, when some boatmen, armed with - cudgels, cut off his retreat, and beat him down dead into the mud." - -The women and children who had been reserved from the massacre were -imprisoned during a fortnight in a small building, one story high--a -cramped place, a slightly modified Black Hole of Calcutta. They were -waiting in suspense; there was none who could foretaste their fate. -Meantime the news of the massacre had traveled far and an army of -rescuers with Havelock at its head was on its way--at least an army which -hoped to be rescuers. It was crossing the country by forced marches, and -strewing its way with its own dead men struck down by cholera, and by a -heat which reached 135 deg. It was in a vengeful fury, and it stopped -for nothing neither heat, nor fatigue, nor disease, nor human opposition. -It tore its impetuous way through hostile forces, winning victory after -victory, but still striding on and on, not halting to count results. And -at last, after this extraordinary march, it arrived before the walls of -Cawnpore, met the Nana's massed strength, delivered a crushing defeat, -and entered. - -But too late--only a few hours too late. For at the last moment the Nana -had decided upon the massacre of the captive women and children, and had -commissioned three Mohammedans and two Hindoos to do the work. Sir G. -O. Trevelyan says: - - "Thereupon the five men entered. It was the short gloaming of - Hindostan--the hour when ladies take their evening drive. She who - had accosted the officer was standing in the doorway. With her were - the native doctor and two Hindoo menials. That much of the business - might be seen from the veranda, but all else was concealed amidst - the interior gloom. Shrieks and scuffing acquainted those without - that the journeymen were earning their hire. Survur Khan soon - emerged with his sword broken off at the hilt. He procured another - from the Nana's house, and a few minutes after appeared again on the - same errand. The third blade was of better temper; or perhaps the - thick of the work was already over. By the time darkness had closed - in, the men came forth and locked up the house for the night. Then - the screams ceased, but the groans lasted till morning. - - "The sun rose as usual. When he had been up nearly three hours the - five repaired to the scene of their labors over night. They were - attended by a few sweepers, who proceeded to transfer the contents - of the house to a dry well situated behind some trees which grew - hard by. ' The bodies,' says one who was present throughout, ' were - dragged out, most of them by the hair of the head. Those who had - clothing worth taking were stripped. Some of the women were alive. - I cannot say how many; but three could speak. They prayed for the - sake of God that an end might be put to their sufferings. I - remarked one very stout woman, a half-caste, who was severely - wounded in both arms, who entreated to be killed. She and two or - three others were placed against the bank of the cut by which - bullocks go down in drawing water. The dead were first thrown in. - Yes: there was a great crowd looking on; they were standing along - the walls of the compound. They were principally city people and - villagers. Yes: there were also sepoys. Three boys were alive. - They were fair children. The eldest, I think, must have been six or - seven, and the youngest five years. They were running around the - well (where else could they go to?), and there was none to save - them. No one said a word or tried to save them.' - - "At length the smallest of them made an infantile attempt to get - away. The little thing had been frightened past bearing by the - murder of one of the surviving ladies. He thus attracted the - observation of a native who flung him and his companions down the - well." - -The soldiers had made a march of eighteen days, almost without rest, to -save the women and the children, and now they were too late--all were -dead and the assassin had flown. What happened then, Trevelyan hesitated -to put into words. Of what took place, the less said is the better." - -Then he continues: - - "But there was a spectacle to witness which might excuse much. - Those who, straight from the contested field, wandered sobbing - through the rooms of the ladies' house, saw what it were well could - the outraged earth have straightway hidden. The inner apartment was - ankle-deep in blood. The plaster was scored with sword-cuts; not - high up as where men have fought, but low down, and about the - corners, as if a creature had crouched to avoid the blow. Strips of - dresses, vainly tied around the handles of the doors, signified the - contrivance to which feminine despair had resorted as a means of - keeping out the murderers. Broken combs were there, and the frills - of children's trousers, and torn cuffs and pinafores, and little - round hats, and one or two shoes with burst latchets, and one or two - daguerreotype cases with cracked glasses. An officer picked up a - few curls, preserved in a bit of cardboard, and marked 'Ned's hair, - with love'; but around were strewn locks, some near a yard in - length, dissevered, not as a keepsake, by quite other scissors." - -The battle of Waterloo was fought on the 18th of June, 1815. I do not -state this fact as a reminder to the reader, but as news to him. For a -forgotten fact is news when it comes again. Writers of books have the -fashion of whizzing by vast and renowned historical events with the -remark, "The details of this tremendous episode are too familiar to the -reader to need repeating here." They know that that is not true. It is -a low kind of flattery. They know that the reader has forgotten every -detail of it, and that nothing of the tremendous event is left in his -mind but a vague and formless luminous smudge. Aside from the desire to -flatter the reader, they have another reason for making the remark-two -reasons, indeed. They do not remember the details themselves, and do not -want the trouble of hunting them up and copying them out; also, they are -afraid that if they search them out and print them they will be scoffed -at by the book-reviewers for retelling those worn old things which are -familiar to everybody. They should not mind the reviewer's jeer; he -doesn't remember any of the worn old things until the book which he is -reviewing has retold them to him. - -I have made the quoted remark myself, at one time and another, but I was -not doing it to flatter the reader; I was merely doing it to save work. -If I had known the details without brushing up, I would have put them in; -but I didn't, and I did not want the labor of posting myself; so I said, -"The details of this tremendous episode are too familiar to the reader to -need repeating here." I do not like that kind of a lie; still, it does -save work. - -I am not trying to get out of repeating the details of the Siege of -Lucknow in fear of the reviewer; I am not leaving them out in fear that -they would not interest the reader; I am leaving them out partly to save -work; mainly for lack of room. It is a pity, too; for there is not a -dull place anywhere in the great story. - -Ten days before the outbreak (May 10th) of the Mutiny, all was serene at -Lucknow, the huge capital of Oudh, the kingdom which had recently been -seized by the India Company. There was a great garrison, composed of -about 7,000 native troops and between 700 and 800 whites. These white -soldiers and their families were probably the only people of their race -there; at their elbow was that swarming population of warlike natives, a -race of born soldiers, brave, daring, and fond of fighting. On high -ground just outside the city stood the palace of that great personage, -the Resident, the representative of British power and authority. It -stood in the midst of spacious grounds, with its due complement of -outbuildings, and the grounds were enclosed by a wall--a wall not for -defense, but for privacy. The mutinous spirit was in the air, but the -whites were not afraid, and did not feel much troubled. - -Then came the outbreak at Meerut, then the capture of Delhi by the -mutineers; in June came the three-weeks leaguer of Sir Hugh Wheeler in -his open lot at Cawnpore--40 miles distant from Lucknow--then the -treacherous massacre of that gallant little garrison; and now the great -revolt was in full flower, and the comfortable condition of things at -Lucknow was instantly changed. - -There was an outbreak there, and Sir Henry Lawrence marched out of the -Residency on the 30th of June to put it down, but was defeated with heavy -loss, and had difficulty in getting back again. That night the memorable -siege of the Residency--called the siege of Lucknow--began. Sir Henry -was killed three days later, and Brigadier Inglis succeeded him in -command. - -Outside of the Residency fence was an immense host of hostile and -confident native besiegers; inside it were 480 loyal native soldiers, 730 -white ones, and 500 women and children. - -In those days the English garrisons always managed to hamper themselves -sufficiently with women and children. - -The natives established themselves in houses close at hand and began to -rain bullets and cannon-balls into the Residency; and this they kept up, -night and day, during four months and a half, the little garrison -industriously replying all the time. The women and children soon became -so used to the roar of the guns that it ceased to disturb their sleep. -The children imitated siege and defense in their play. The women--with -any pretext, or with none--would sally out into the storm-swept grounds. -The defense was kept up week after week, with stubborn fortitude, in the -midst of death, which came in many forms--by bullet, small-pox, cholera, -and by various diseases induced by unpalatable and insufficient food, by -the long hours of wearying and exhausting overwork in the daily and -nightly battle in the oppressive Indian heat, and by the broken rest -caused by the intolerable pest of mosquitoes, flies, mice, rats, and -fleas. - -Six weeks after the beginning of the siege more than one-half of the -original force of white soldiers was dead, and close upon three-fifths of -the original native force. - -But the fighting went on just the same. The enemy mined, the English -counter-mined, and, turn about, they blew up each other's posts. The -Residency grounds were honey-combed with the enemy's tunnels. Deadly -courtesies were constantly exchanged--sorties by the English in the -night; rushes by the enemy in the night--rushes whose purpose was to -breach the walls or scale them; rushes which cost heavily, and always -failed. - -The ladies got used to all the horrors of war--the shrieks of mutilated -men, the sight of blood and death. Lady Inglis makes this mention in her -diary: - - "Mrs. Bruere's nurse was carried past our door to-day, wounded in - the eye. To extract the bullet it was found necessary to take out - the eye--a fearful operation. Her mistress held her while it was - performed." - -The first relieving force failed to relieve. It was under Havelock and -Outram; and arrived when the siege had been going on for three months. -It fought its desperate way to Lucknow, then fought its way through the -city against odds of a hundred to one, and entered the Residency; but -there was not enough left of it, then, to do any good. It lost more men -in its last fight than it found in the Residency when it got in. It -became captive itself. - -The fighting and starving and dying by bullets and disease went steadily -on. Both sides fought with energy and industry. Captain Birch puts this -striking incident in evidence. He is speaking of the third month of the -siege: - - "As an instance of the heavy firing brought to bear on our position - this month may be mentioned the cutting down of the upper story of a - brick building simply by musketry firring. This building was in a - most exposed position. All the shots which just missed the top of - the rampart cut into the dead wall pretty much in a straight line, - and at length cut right through and brought the upper story tumbling - down. The upper structure on the top of the brigade-mess also fell - in. The Residency house was a wreck. Captain Anderson's post had - long ago been knocked down, and Innes' post also fell in. These two - were riddled with round shot. As many as 200 were picked up by - Colonel Masters." - -The exhausted garrison fought doggedly on all through the next month -October. Then, November 2d, news came Sir Colin Campbell's relieving -force would soon be on its way from Cawnpore. - -On the 12th the boom of his guns was heard. - -On the 13th the sounds came nearer--he was slowly, but steadily, cutting -his way through, storming one stronghold after another. - -On the 14th he captured the Martiniere College, and ran up the British -flag there. It was seen from the Residency. - -Next he took the Dilkoosha. - -On the 17th he took the former mess-house of the 32d regiment--a -fortified building, and very strong. "A most exciting, anxious day," -writes Lady Inglis in her diary. "About 4 P.M., two strange officers -walked through our yard, leading their horses"--and by that sign she knew -that communication was established between the forces, that the relief -was real, this time, and that the long siege of Lucknow was ended. - -The last eight or ten miles of Sir Colin Campbell's march was through -seas of, blood. The weapon mainly used was the bayonet, the fighting was -desperate. The way was mile-stoned with detached strong buildings of -stone, fortified, and heavily garrisoned, and these had to be taken by -assault. Neither side asked for quarter, and neither gave it. At the -Secundrabagh, where nearly two thousand of the enemy occupied a great -stone house in a garden, the work of slaughter was continued until every -man was killed. That is a sample of the character of that devastating -march. - -There were but few trees in the plain at that time, and from the -Residency the progress of the march, step by step, victory by victory, -could be noted; the ascending clouds of battle-smoke marked the way to -the eye, and the thunder of the guns marked it to the ear. - -Sir Colin Campbell had not come to Lucknow to hold it, but to save the -occupants of the Residency, and bring them away. Four or five days after -his arrival the secret evacuation by the troops took place, in the middle -of a dark night, by the principal gate, (the Bailie Guard). The two -hundred women and two hundred and fifty children had been previously -removed. Captain Birch says: - - "And now commenced a movement of the most perfect arrangement and - successful generalship--the withdrawal of the whole of the various - forces, a combined movement requiring the greatest care and skill. - First, the garrison in immediate contact with the enemy at the - furthest extremity of the Residency position was marched out. Every - other garrison in turn fell in behind it, and so passed out through - the Bailie Guard gate, till the whole of our position was evacuated. - Then Havelock's force was similarly withdrawn, post by post, - marching in rear of our garrison. After them in turn came the - forces of the Commander-in-Chief, which joined on in the rear of - Havelock's force. Regiment by regiment was withdrawn with--the - utmost order and regularity. The whole operation resembled the - movement of a telescope. Stern silence was kept, and the enemy took - no alarm." - -Lady Inglis, referring to her husband and to General Sir James Outram, -sets down the closing detail of this impressive midnight retreat, in -darkness and by stealth, of this shadowy host through the gate which it -had defended so long and so well: - - "At twelve precisely they marched out, John and Sir James Outram - remaining till all had passed, and then they took off their hats to - the Bailie Guard, the scene of as noble a defense as I think history - will ever have to relate." - - - - -CHAPTER LIX. - -Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist -but you have ceased to live. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict -truth. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -We were driven over Sir Colin Campbell's route by a British officer, and -when I arrived at the Residency I was so familiar with the road that I -could have led a retreat over it myself; but the compass in my head has -been out of order from my birth, and so, as soon as I was within the -battered Bailie Guard and turned about to review the march and imagine -the relieving forces storming their way along it, everything was upside -down and wrong end first in a moment, and I was never able to get -straightened out again. And now, when I look at the battle-plan, the -confusion remains. In me the east was born west, the battle-plans which -have the east on the right-hand side are of no use to me. - -The Residency ruins are draped with flowering vines, and are impressive -and beautiful. They and the grounds are sacred now, and will suffer no -neglect nor be profaned by any sordid or commercial use while the British -remain masters of India. Within the grounds are buried the dead who gave -up their lives there in the long siege. - -After a fashion, I was able to imagine the fiery storm that raged night -and day over the place during so many months, and after a fashion I could -imagine the men moving through it, but I could not satisfactorily place -the 200 women, and I could do nothing at all with the 250 children. I -knew by Lady Inglis' diary that the children carried on their small -affairs very much as if blood and carnage and the crash and thunder of a -siege were natural and proper features of nursery life, and I tried to -realize it; but when her little Johnny came rushing, all excitement, -through the din and smoke, shouting, "Oh, mamma, the white hen has laid -an egg!" I saw that I could not do it. Johnny's place was under the -bed. I could imagine him there, because I could imagine myself there; -and I think I should not have been interested in a hen that was laying an -egg; my interest would have been with the parties that were laying the -bombshells. I sat at dinner with one of those children in the Club's -Indian palace, and I knew that all through the siege he was perfecting -his teething and learning to talk; and while to me he was the most -impressive object in Lucknow after the Residency ruins, I was not able to -imagine what his life had been during that tempestuous infancy of his, -nor what sort of a curious surprise it must have been to him to be -marched suddenly out into a strange dumb world where there wasn't any -noise, and nothing going on. He was only forty-one when I saw him, a -strangely youthful link to connect the present with so ancient an episode -as the Great Mutiny. - -By and by we saw Cawnpore, and the open lot which was the scene of -Moore's memorable defense, and the spot on the shore of the Ganges where -the massacre of the betrayed garrison occurred, and the small Indian -temple whence the bugle-signal notified the assassins to fall on. This -latter was a lonely spot, and silent. The sluggish river drifted by, -almost currentless. It was dead low water, narrow channels with vast -sandbars between, all the way across the wide bed; and the only living -thing in sight was that grotesque and solemn bald-headed bird, the -Adjutant, standing on his six-foot stilts, solitary on a distant bar, -with his head sunk between his shoulders, thinking; thinking of his -prize, I suppose--the dead Hindoo that lay awash at his feet, and whether -to eat him alone or invite friends. He and his prey were a proper accent -to that mournful place. They were in keeping with it, they emphasized -its loneliness and its solemnity. - -And we saw the scene of the slaughter of the helpless women and children, -and also the costly memorial that is built over the well which contains -their remains. The Black Hole of Calcutta is gone, but a more reverent -age is come, and whatever remembrancer still exists of the moving and -heroic sufferings and achievements of the garrisons of Lucknow and -Cawnpore will be guarded and preserved. - -In Agra and its neighborhood, and afterwards at Delhi, we saw forts, -mosques, and tombs, which were built in the great days of the Mohammedan -emperors, and which are marvels of cost, magnitude, and richness of -materials and ornamentation, creations of surpassing grandeur, wonders -which do indeed make the like things in the rest of the world seem tame -and inconsequential by comparison. I am not purposing to describe them. -By good fortune I had not read too much about them, and therefore was -able to get a natural and rational focus upon them, with the result that -they thrilled, blessed, and exalted me. But if I had previously -overheated my imagination by drinking too much pestilential literary hot -Scotch, I should have suffered disappointment and sorrow. - -I mean to speak of only one of these many world-renowned buildings, the -Taj Mahal, the most celebrated construction in the earth. I had read a -great deal too much about it. I saw it in the daytime, I saw it in the -moonlight, I saw it near at hand, I saw it from a distance; and I knew -all the time, that of its kind it was the wonder of the world, with no -competitor now and no possible future competitor; and yet, it was not my -Taj. My Taj had been built by excitable literary people; it was solidly -lodged in my head, and I could not blast it out. - -I wish to place before the reader some of the usual descriptions of the -Taj, and ask him to take note of the impressions left in his mind. These -descriptions do really state the truth--as nearly as the limitations of -language will allow. But language is a treacherous thing, a most unsure -vehicle, and it can seldom arrange descriptive words in such a way that -they will not inflate the facts--by help of the reader's imagination, -which is always ready to take a hand, and work for nothing, and do the -bulk of it at that. - -I will begin with a few sentences from the excellent little local guide- -book of Mr. Satya Chandra Mukerji. I take them from here and there in -his description: - - "The inlaid work of the Taj and the flowers and petals that are to - be found on all sides on the surface of the marble evince a most - delicate touch." - -That is true. - - "The inlaid work, the marble, the flowers, the buds, the leaves, the - petals, and the lotus stems are almost without a rival in the whole - of the civilized world." - - "The work of inlaying with stones and gems is found in the highest - perfection in the Taj." - -Gems, inlaid flowers, buds, and leaves to be found on all sides. What do -you see before you? Is the fairy structure growing ? Is it becoming a -jewel casket? - - "The whole of the Taj produces a wonderful effect that is equally - sublime and beautiful." - -Then Sir William Wilson Hunter: - - "The Taj Mahal with its beautiful domes, 'a dream of marble,' rises - on the river bank." - - "The materials are white marble and red sandstone." - - "The complexity of its design and the delicate intricacy of the - workmanship baffle description." - -Sir William continues. I will italicize some of his words: - - "The mausoleum stands on a raised marble platform at each of whose - corners rises a tall and slender minaret of graceful proportions and - of exquisite beauty. Beyond the platform stretch the two wings, one - of which is itself a mosque of great architectural merit. In the - center of the whole design the mausoleum occupies a square of 186 - feet, with the angles deeply truncated so also form an unequal - octagon. The main feature in this central pile is the great dome, - which swells upward to nearly two-thirds of a sphere and tapers at - its extremity into a pointed spire crowned by a crescent. Beneath - it an enclosure of marble trellis-work surrounds the tomb of the - princess and of her husband, the Emperor. Each corner of the - mausoleum is covered by a similar though much smaller dome erected - on a pediment pierced with graceful Saracenic arches. Light is - admitted into the interior through a double screen of pierced - marble, which tempers the glare of an Indian sky while its whiteness - prevents the mellow effect from degenerating into gloom. The - internal decorations consist of inlaid work in precious stones, such - as agate, jasper, etc., with which every squandril or salient point - in the architecture is richly fretted. Brown and violet marble is - also freely employed in wreaths, scrolls, and lintels to relieve the - monotony of white wall. In regard to color and design, the interior - of the Taj may rank first in the world for purely decorative - workmanship; while the perfect symmetry of its exterior, once seen - can never be forgotten, nor the aerial grace of its domes, rising - like marble bubbles into the clear sky. The Taj represents the most - highly elaborated stage of ornamentation reached by the Indo- - Mohammedan builders, the stage in which the architect ends and the - jeweler begins. In its magnificent gateway the diagonal - ornamentation at the corners, which satisfied the designers of the - gateways of Itimad-ud-doulah and Sikandra mausoleums is superseded - by fine marble cables, in bold twists, strong and handsome. The - triangular insertions of white marble and large flowers have in like - manner given place to fine inlaid work. Firm perpendicular lines in - black marble with well proportioned panels of the same material are - effectively used in the interior of the gateway. On its top the - Hindu brackets and monolithic architraves of Sikandra are replaced - by Moorish carped arches, usually single blocks of red sandstone, in - the Kiosks and pavilions which adorn the roof. From the pillared - pavilions a magnificent view is obtained of the Taj gardens below, - with the noble Jumna river at their farther end, and the city and - fort of Agra in the distance. From this beautiful and splendid - gateway one passes up a straight alley shaded by evergreen trees - cooled by a broad shallow piece of water running along the middle of - the path to the Taj itself. The Taj is entirely of marble and gems. - The red sandstone of the other Mohammedan buildings has entirely - disappeared, or rather the red sandstone which used to form the - thickness of the walls, is in the Taj itself overlaid completely - with white marble, and the white marble is itself inlaid with - precious stones arranged in lovely patterns of flowers. A feeling - of purity impresses itself on the eye and the mind from the absence - of the coarser material which forms so invariable a material in Agra - architecture. The lower wall and panels are covered with tulips, - oleanders, and fullblown lilies, in flat carving on the white - marble; and although the inlaid work of flowers done in gems is very - brilliant when looked at closely, there is on the whole but little - color, and the all-prevailing sentiment is one of whiteness, - silence, and calm. The whiteness is broken only by the fine color - of the inlaid gems, by lines in black marble, and by delicately - written inscriptions, also in black, from the Koran. Under the dome - of the vast mausoleum a high and beautiful screen of open tracery in - white marble rises around the two tombs, or rather cenotaphs of the - emperor and his princess; and in this marvel of marble the carving - has advanced from the old geometrical patterns to a trellis-work of - flowers and foliage, handled with great freedom and spirit. The two - cenotaphs in the center of the exquisite enclosure have no carving - except the plain Kalamdan or oblong pen-box on the tomb of Emperor - Shah Jehan. But both cenotaphs are inlaid with flowers made of - costly gems, and with the ever graceful oleander scroll." - -Bayard Taylor, after describing the details of the Taj, goes on to say: - - "On both sides the palm, the banyan, and the feathery bamboo mingle - their foliage; the song of birds meets your ears, and the odor of - roses and lemon flowers sweetens the air. Down such a vista and - over such a foreground rises the Taj. There is no mystery, no sense - of partial failure about the Taj. A thing of perfect beauty and of - absolute finish in every detail, it might pass for the work of genii - who knew naught of the weaknesses and ills with which mankind are - beset." - -All of these details are true. But, taken together, they state a -falsehood--to you. You cannot add them up correctly. Those writers know -the values of their words and phrases, but to you the words and phrases -convey other and uncertain values. To those writers their phrases have -values which I think I am now acquainted with; and for the help of the -reader I will here repeat certain of those words and phrases, and follow -them with numerals which shall represent those values--then we shall see -the difference between a writer's ciphering and a mistaken reader's - -Precious stones, such as agate, jasper, etc. --5. - -With which every salient point is richly fretted--5. - -First in the world for purely decorative workmanship--9. - -The Taj represents the stage where the architect ends and the jeweler -begins--5. - -The Taj is entirely of marble and gems--7. - -Inlaid with precious stones in lovely patterns of flowers--5. - -The inlaid work of flowers done in gems is very brilliant -(followed by a most important modification which the reader is sure to -read too carelessly)--2. - -The vast mausoleum--5. - -This marvel of marble--5. - -The exquisite enclosure--5. - -Inlaid with flowers made of costly gems--5. - -A thing of perfect beauty and absolute finish--5. - - -Those details are correct; the figures which I have placed after them , -represent quite fairly their individual, values. Then why, as a whole, -do they convey a false impression to the reader? It is because the -reader--beguiled by, his heated imagination--masses them in the wrong -way. The writer would mass the first three figures in the following way, -and they would speak the truth - -Total--19 - -But the reader masses them thus--and then they tell a lie--559. - -The writer would add all of his twelve numerals together, and then the -sum would express the whole truth about the Taj, and the truth only--63. - -But the reader--always helped by his imagination--would put the figures -in a row one after the other, and get this sum, which would tell him a -noble big lie: - -559575255555. - -You must put in the commas yourself; I have to go on with my work. - -The reader will always be sure to put the figures together in that wrong -way, and then as surely before him will stand, sparkling in the sun, a -gem-crusted Taj tall as the Matterhorn. - -I had to visit Niagara fifteen times before I succeeded in getting my -imaginary Falls gauged to the actuality and could begin to sanely and -wholesomely wonder at them for what they were, not what I had expected -them to be. When I first approached them it was with my face lifted -toward the sky, for I thought I was going to see an Atlantic ocean -pouring down thence over cloud-vexed Himalayan heights, a sea-green wall -of water sixty miles front and six miles high, and so, when the toy -reality came suddenly into view--that beruiled little wet apron hanging -out to dry--the shock was too much for me, and I fell with a dull thud. - -Yet slowly, surely, steadily, in the course of my fifteen visits, the -proportions adjusted themselves to the facts, and I came at last to -realize that a waterfall a hundred and sixty-five feet high and a quarter -of a mile wide was an impressive thing. It was not a dipperful to my -vanished great vision, but it would answer. - -I know that I ought to do with the Taj as I was obliged to do with -Niagara--see it fifteen times, and let my mind gradually get rid of the -Taj built in it by its describers, by help of my imagination, and -substitute for it the Taj of fact. It would be noble and fine, then, and -a marvel; not the marvel which it replaced, but still a marvel, and fine -enough. I am a careless reader, I suppose--an impressionist reader; an -impressionist reader of what is not an impressionist picture; a reader -who overlooks the informing details or masses their sum improperly, and -gets only a large splashy, general effect--an effect which is not -correct, and which is not warranted by the particulars placed before me -particulars which I did not examine, and whose meanings I did not -cautiously and carefully estimate. It is an effect which is some thirty- -five or forty times finer than the reality, and is therefore a great deal -better and more valuable than the reality; and so, I ought never to hunt -up the reality, but stay miles away from it, and thus preserve undamaged -my own private mighty Niagara tumbling out of the vault of heaven, and my -own ineffable Taj, built of tinted mists upon jeweled arches of rainbows -supported by colonnades of moonlight. It is a mistake for a person with -an unregulated imagination to go and look at an illustrious world's -wonder. - -I suppose that many, many years ago I gathered the idea that the Taj's -place in the achievements of man was exactly the place of the ice-storm -in the achievements of Nature; that the Taj represented man's supremest -possibility in the creation of grace and beauty and exquisiteness and -splendor, just as the ice-storm represents Nature's supremest possibility -in the combination of those same qualities. I do not know how long ago -that idea was bred in me, but I know that I cannot remember back to a -time when the thought of either of these symbols of gracious and -unapproachable perfection did not at once suggest the other. If I -thought of the ice-storm, the Taj rose before me divinely beautiful; if I -thought of the Taj, with its encrustings and inlayings of jewels, the -vision of the ice-storm rose. And so, to me, all these years, the Taj -has had no rival among the temples and palaces of men, none that even -remotely approached it it was man's architectural ice-storm. - -Here in London the other night I was talking with some Scotch and English -friends, and I mentioned the ice-storm, using it as a figure--a figure -which failed, for none of them had heard of the ice-storm. One -gentleman, who was very familiar with American literature, said he had -never seen it mentioned in any book. That is strange. And I, myself, -was not able to say that I had seen it mentioned in a book; and yet the -autumn foliage, with all other American scenery, has received full and -competent attention. - -The oversight is strange, for in America the ice-storm is an event. And -it is not an event which one is careless about. When it comes, the news -flies from room to room in the house, there are bangings on the doors, -and shoutings, "The ice-storm! the ice-storm!" and even the laziest -sleepers throw off the covers and join the rush for the windows. The -ice-storm occurs in midwinter, and usually its enchantments are wrought -in the silence and the darkness of the night. A fine drizzling rain -falls hour after hour upon the naked twigs and branches of the trees, and -as it falls it freezes. In time the trunk and every branch and twig are -incased in hard pure ice; so that the tree looks like a skeleton tree -made all of glass--glass that is crystal-clear. All along the underside -of every branch and twig is a comb of little icicles--the frozen drip. -Sometimes these pendants do not quite amount to icicles, but are round -beads--frozen tears. - -The weather clears, toward dawn, and leaves a brisk pure atmosphere and a -sky without a shred of cloud in it--and everything is still, there is not -a breath of wind. The dawn breaks and spreads, the news of the storm -goes about the house, and the little and the big, in wraps and blankets, -flock to the window and press together there, and gaze intently out upon -the great white ghost in the grounds, and nobody says a word, nobody -stirs. All are waiting; they know what is coming, and they are waiting -waiting for the miracle. The minutes drift on and on and on, with not a -sound but the ticking of the clock; at last the sun fires a sudden sheaf -of rays into the ghostly tree and turns it into a white splendor of -glittering diamonds. Everybody catches his breath, and feels a swelling -in his throat and a moisture in his eyes-but waits again; for he knows -what is coming; there is more yet. The sun climbs higher, and still -higher, flooding the tree from its loftiest spread of branches to its -lowest, turning it to a glory of white fire; then in a moment, without -warning, comes the great miracle, the supreme miracle, the miracle -without its fellow in the earth; a gust of wind sets every branch and -twig to swaying, and in an instant turns the whole white tree into a -spouting and spraying explosion of flashing gems of every conceivable -color; and there it stands and sways this way and that, flash! flash! -flash! a dancing and glancing world of rubies, emeralds, diamonds, -sapphires, the most radiant spectacle, the most blinding spectacle, the -divinest, the most exquisite, the most intoxicating vision of fire and -color and intolerable and unimaginable splendor that ever any eye has -rested upon in this world, or will ever rest upon outside of the gates of -heaven. - -By, all my senses, all my faculties, I know that the icestorm is Nature's -supremest achievement in the domain of the superb and the beautiful; and -by my reason, at least, I know that the Taj is man's ice-storm. - -In the ice-storm every one of the myriad ice-beads pendant from twig and -branch is an individual gem, and changes color with every motion caused -by the wind; each tree carries a million, and a forest-front exhibits the -splendors of the single tree multiplied by a thousand. - -It occurs to me now that I have never seen the ice-storm put upon canvas, -and have not heard that any painter has tried to do it. I wonder why -that is. Is it that paint cannot counterfeit the intense blaze of a sun- -flooded jewel? There should be, and must be, a reason, and a good one, -why the most enchanting sight that Nature has created has been neglected -by the brush. - -Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict -truth. The describers of the Taj have used the word gem in its strictest -sense--its scientific sense. In that sense it is a mild word, and -promises but little to the eye-nothing bright, nothing brilliant, nothing -sparkling, nothing splendid in the way of color. It accurately describes -the sober and unobtrusive gem-work of the Taj; that is, to the very -highly-educated one person in a thousand; but it most falsely describes -it to the 999. But the 999 are the people who ought to be especially -taken care of, and to them it does not mean quiet-colored designs wrought -in carnelians, or agates, or such things; they know the word in its wide -and ordinary sense only, and so to them it means diamonds and rubies and -opals and their kindred, and the moment their eyes fall upon it in print -they see a vision of glorious colors clothed in fire. - -These describers are writing for the "general," and so, in order to make -sure of being understood, they ought to use words in their ordinary -sense, or else explain. The word fountain means one thing in Syria, -where there is but a handful of people; it means quite another thing in -North America, where there are 75,000,000. If I were describing some -Syrian scenery, and should exclaim, "Within the narrow space of a quarter -of a mile square I saw, in the glory of the flooding moonlight, two -hundred noble fountains--imagine the spectacle!" the North American would -have a vision of clustering columns of water soaring aloft, bending over -in graceful arches, bursting in beaded spray and raining white fire in -the moonlight-and he would be deceived. But the Syrian would not be -deceived; he would merely see two hundred fresh-water springs--two -hundred drowsing puddles, as level and unpretentious and unexcited as so -many door-mats, and even with the help of the moonlight he would not lose -his grip in the presence of the exhibition. My word "fountain" would be -correct; it would speak the strict truth; and it would convey the strict -truth to the handful of Syrians, and the strictest misinformation to the -North American millions. With their gems--and gems--and more gems--and -gems again--and still other gems--the describers of the Taj are within -their legal but not their moral rights; they are dealing in the strictest -scientific truth; and in doing it they succeed to admiration in telling -"what ain't so." - - - - -CHAPTER LX. - -SATAN (impatiently) to NEW-COMER. The trouble with you Chicago people -is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are -merely the most numerous. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -We wandered contentedly around here and there in India; to Lahore, among -other places, where the Lieutenant-Governor lent me an elephant. This -hospitality stands out in my experiences in a stately isolation. It was -a fine elephant, affable, gentlemanly, educated, and I was not afraid of -it. I even rode it with confidence through the crowded lanes of the -native city, where it scared all the horses out of their senses, and -where children were always just escaping its feet. It took the middle of -the road in a fine independent way, and left it to the world to get out -of the way or take the consequences. I am used to being afraid of -collisions when I ride or drive, but when one is on top of an elephant -that feeling is absent. I could have ridden in comfort through a -regiment of runaway teams. I could easily learn to prefer an elephant to -any other vehicle, partly because of that immunity from collisions, and -partly because of the fine view one has from up there, and partly because -of the dignity one feels in that high place, and partly because one can -look in at the windows and see what is going on privately among the -family. The Lahore horses were used to elephants, but they were -rapturously afraid of them just the same. It seemed curious. Perhaps -the better they know the elephant the more they respect him in that -peculiar way. In our own case--we are not afraid of dynamite till we get -acquainted with it. - -We drifted as far as Rawal Pindi, away up on the Afghan frontier--I think -it was the Afghan frontier, but it may have been Hertzegovina--it was -around there somewhere--and down again to Delhi, to see the ancient -architectural wonders there and in Old Delhi and not describe them, and -also to see the scene of the illustrious assault, in the Mutiny days, -when the British carried Delhi by storm, one of the marvels of history -for impudent daring and immortal valor. - -We had a refreshing rest, there in Delhi, in a great old mansion which -possessed historical interest. It was built by a rich Englishman who had -become orientalized--so much so that he had a zenana. But he was a -broadminded man, and remained so. To please his harem he built a mosque; -to please himself he built an English church. That kind of a man will -arrive, somewhere. In the Mutiny days the mansion was the British -general's headquarters. It stands in a great garden--oriental fashion-- -and about it are many noble trees. The trees harbor monkeys; and they -are monkeys of a watchful and enterprising sort, and not much troubled -with fear. They invade the house whenever they get a chance, and carry -off everything they don't want. One morning the master of the house was -in his bath, and the window was open. Near it stood a pot of yellow -paint and a brush. Some monkeys appeared in the window; to scare them -away, the gentleman threw his sponge at them. They did not scare at all; -they jumped into the room and threw yellow paint all over him from the -brush, and drove him out; then they painted the walls and the floor and -the tank and the windows and the furniture yellow, and were in the -dressing-room painting that when help arrived and routed them. - -Two of these creatures came into my room in the early morning, through a -window whose shutters I had left open, and when I woke one of them was -before the glass brushing his hair, and the other one had my note-book, -and was reading a page of humorous notes and crying. I did not mind the -one with the hair-brush, but the conduct of the other one hurt me; it -hurts me yet. I threw something at him, and that was wrong, for my host -had told me that the monkeys were best left alone. They threw everything -at me that they could lift, and then went into the bathroom to get some -more things, and I shut the door on them. - -At Jeypore, in Rajputana, we made a considerable stay. We were not in -the native city, but several miles from it, in the small European -official suburb. There were but few Europeans--only fourteen but they -were all kind and hospitable, and it amounted to being at home. In -Jeypore we found again what we had found all about India--that while the -Indian servant is in his way a very real treasure, he will sometimes bear -watching, and the Englishman watches him. If he sends him on an errand, -he wants more than the man's word for it that he did the errand. When -fruit and vegetables were sent to us, a "chit" came with them--a receipt -for us to sign; otherwise the things might not arrive. If a gentleman -sent up his carriage, the chit stated "from" such-and-such an hour "to" -such-and-such an hour--which made it unhandy for the coachman and his two -or three subordinates to put us off with a part of the allotted time and -devote the rest of it to a lark of their own. - -We were pleasantly situated in a small two-storied inn, in an empty large -compound which was surrounded by a mud wall as high as a man's head. The -inn was kept by nine Hindoo brothers, its owners. They lived, with their -families, in a one-storied building within the compound, but off to one -side, and there was always a long pile of their little comely brown -children loosely stacked in its veranda, and a detachment of the parents -wedged among them, smoking the hookah or the howdah, or whatever they -call it. By the veranda stood a palm, and a monkey lived in it, and led -a lonesome life, and always looked sad and weary, and the crows bothered -him a good deal. - -The inn cow poked about the compound and emphasized the secluded and -country air of the place, and there was a dog of no particular breed, who -was always present in the compound, and always asleep, always stretched -out baking in the sun and adding to the deep tranquility and -reposefulness of the place, when the crows were away on business. White- -draperied servants were coming and going all the time, but they seemed -only spirits, for their feet were bare and made no sound. Down the lane -a piece lived an elephant in the shade of a noble tree, and rocked and -rocked, and reached about with his trunk, begging of his brown mistress -or fumbling the children playing at his feet. And there were camels -about, but they go on velvet feet, and were proper to the silence and -serenity of the surroundings. - -The Satan mentioned at the head of this chapter was not our Satan, but -the other one. Our Satan was lost to us. In these later days he had -passed out of our life--lamented by me, and sincerely. I was missing -him; I am missing him yet, after all these months. He was an astonishing -creature to fly around and do things. He didn't always do them quite -right, but he did them, and did them suddenly. There was no time wasted. -You would say: - -"Pack the trunks and bags, Satan." - -"Wair good" (very good). - -Then there would be a brief sound of thrashing and slashing and humming -and buzzing, and a spectacle as of a whirlwind spinning gowns and jackets -and coats and boots and things through the air, and then with bow and -touch-- - -"Awready, master." - -It was wonderful. It made one dizzy. He crumpled dresses a good deal, -and he had no particular plan about the work--at first--except to put -each article into the trunk it didn't belong in. But he soon reformed, -in this matter. Not entirely; for, to the last, he would cram into the -satchel sacred to literature any odds and ends of rubbish that he -couldn't find a handy place for elsewhere. When threatened with death -for this, it did not trouble him; he only looked pleasant, saluted with -soldierly grace, said "Wair good," and did it again next day. - -He was always busy; kept the rooms tidied up, the boots polished, the -clothes brushed, the wash-basin full of clean water, my dress clothes -laid out and ready for the lecture-hall an hour ahead of time; and he -dressed me from head to heel in spite of my determination to do it -myself, according to my lifelong custom. - -He was a born boss, and loved to command, and to jaw and dispute with -inferiors and harry them and bullyrag them. He was fine at the railway -station--yes, he was at his finest there. He would shoulder and plunge -and paw his violent way through the packed multitude of natives with -nineteen coolies at his tail, each bearing a trifle of luggage--one a -trunk, another a parasol, another a shawl, another a fan, and so on; one -article to each, and the longer the procession, the better he was suited ---and he was sure to make for some engaged sleeper and begin to hurl the -owner's things out of it, swearing that it was ours and that there had -been a mistake. Arrived at our own sleeper, he would undo the bedding- -bundles and make the beds and put everything to rights and shipshape in -two minutes; then put his head out at, a window and have a restful good -time abusing his gang of coolies and disputing their bill until we -arrived and made him pay them and stop his noise. - -Speaking of noise, he certainly was the noisest little devil in India-- -and that is saying much, very much, indeed. I loved him for his noise, -but the family detested him for it. They could not abide it; they could -not get reconciled to it. It humiliated them. As a rule, when we got -within six hundred yards of one of those big railway stations, a mighty -racket of screaming and shrieking and shouting and storming would break -upon us, and I would be happy to myself, and the family would say, with -shame: - -"There--that's Satan. Why do you keep him?" - -And, sure enough, there in the whirling midst of fifteen hundred -wondering people we would find that little scrap of a creature -gesticulating like a spider with the colic, his black eyes snapping, his -fez-tassel dancing, his jaws pouring out floods of billingsgate upon his -gang of beseeching and astonished coolies. - -I loved him; I couldn't help it; but the family--why, they could hardly -speak of him with patience. To this day I regret his loss, and wish I -had him back; but they--it is different with them. He was a native, and -came from Surat. Twenty degrees of latitude lay between his birthplace -and Manuel's, and fifteen hundred between their ways and characters and -dispositions. I only liked Manuel, but I loved Satan. This latter's -real name was intensely Indian. I could not quite get the hang of it, -but it sounded like Bunder Rao Ram Chunder Clam Chowder. It was too long -for handy use, anyway; so I reduced it. - -When he had been with us two or three weeks, he began to make mistakes -which I had difficulty in patching up for him. Approaching Benares one -day, he got out of the train to see if he could get up a misunderstanding -with somebody, for it had been a weary, long journey and he wanted to -freshen up. He found what he was after, but kept up his pow-wow a shade -too long and got left. So there we were in a strange city and no -chambermaid. It was awkward for us, and we told him he must not do so -any more. He saluted and said in his dear, pleasant way, "Wair good." -Then at Lucknow he got drunk. I said it was a fever, and got the -family's compassion, and solicitude aroused; so they gave him a -teaspoonful of liquid quinine and it set his vitals on fire. He made -several grimaces which gave me a better idea of the Lisbon earthquake -than any I have ever got of it from paintings and descriptions. His -drunk was still portentously solid next morning, but I could have pulled -him through with the family if he would only have taken another spoonful -of that remedy; but no, although he was stupefied, his memory still had -flickerings of life; so he smiled a divinely dull smile and said, -fumblingly saluting: - -"Scoose me, mem Saheb, scoose me, Missy Saheb; Satan not prefer it, -please." - -Then some instinct revealed to them that he was drunk. They gave him -prompt notice that next time this happened he must go. He got out a -maudlin and most gentle "Wair good," and saluted indefinitely. - -Only one short week later he fell again. And oh, sorrow! not in a hotel -this time, but in an English gentleman's private house. And in Agra, of -all places. So he had to go. When I told him, he said patiently, "Wair -good," and made his parting salute, and went out from us to return no -more forever. Dear me! I would rather have lost a hundred angels than -that one poor lovely devil. What style he used to put on, in a swell -hotel or in a private house--snow-white muslin from his chin to his bare -feet, a crimson sash embroidered with gold thread around his waist, and -on his head a great sea-green turban like to the turban of the Grand -Turk. - -He was not a liar; but he will become one if he keeps on. He told me -once that he used to crack cocoanuts with his teeth when he was a boy; -and when I asked how he got them into his mouth, he said he was upward of -six feet high at that time, and had an unusual mouth. And when I -followed him up and asked him what had become of that other foot, he said -a house fell on him and he was never able to get his stature back again. -Swervings like these from the strict line of fact often beguile a -truthful man on and on until he eventually becomes a liar. - -His successor was a Mohammedan, Sahadat Mohammed Khan; very dark, very -tall, very grave. He went always in flowing masses of white, from the -top of his big turban down to his bare feet. His voice was low. He -glided about in a noiseless way, and looked like a ghost. He was -competent and satisfactory. But where he was, it seemed always Sunday. -It was not so in Satan's time. - -Jeypore is intensely Indian, but it has two or three features which -indicate the presence of European science and European interest in the -weal of the common public, such as the liberal water-supply furnished by -great works built at the State's expense; good sanitation, resulting in a -degree of healthfulness unusually high for India; a noble pleasure -garden, with privileged days for women; schools for the instruction of -native youth in advanced art, both ornamental and utilitarian; and a new -and beautiful palace stocked with a museum of extraordinary interest and -value. Without the Maharaja's sympathy and purse these beneficences -could not have been created; but he is a man of wide views and large -generosities, and all such matters find hospitality with him. - -We drove often to the city from the hotel Kaiser-i-Hind, a journey which -was always full of interest, both night and day, for that country road -was never quiet, never empty, but was always India in motion, always a -streaming flood of brown people clothed in smouchings from the rainbow, a -tossing and moiling flood, happy, noisy, a charming and satisfying -confusion of strange human and strange animal life and equally strange -and outlandish vehicles. - -And the city itself is a curiosity. Any Indian city is that, but this -one is not like any other that we saw. It is shut up in a lofty turreted -wall; the main body of it is divided into six parts by perfectly straight -streets that are more than a hundred feet wide; the blocks of houses -exhibit a long frontage of the most taking architectural quaintnesses, -the straight lines being broken everywhere by pretty little balconies, -pillared and highly ornamented, and other cunning and cozy and inviting -perches and projections, and many of the fronts are curiously pictured by -the brush, and the whole of them have the soft rich tint of strawberry -ice-cream. One cannot look down the far stretch of the chief street and -persuade himself that these are real houses, and that it is all out of -doors--the impression that it is an unreality, a picture, a scene in a -theater, is the only one that will take hold. - -Then there came a great day when this illusion was more pronounced than -ever. A rich Hindoo had been spending a fortune upon the manufacture of -a crowd of idols and accompanying paraphernalia whose purpose was to -illustrate scenes in the life of his especial god or saint, and this fine -show 'vas to be brought through the town in processional state at ten in -the morning. As we passed through the great public pleasure garden on -our way to the city we found it crowded with natives. That was one -sight. Then there was another. In the midst of the spacious lawns -stands the palace which contains the museum--a beautiful construction of -stone which shows arched colonnades, one above another, and receding, -terrace-fashion, toward the sky. Every one of these terraces, all the -way to the top one, was packed and jammed with natives. One must try to -imagine those solid masses of splendid color, one above another, up and -up, against the blue sky, and the Indian sun turning them all to beds of -fire and flame. - -Later, when we reached the city, and glanced down the chief avenue, -smouldering in its crushed-strawberry tint, those splendid effects were -repeated; for every balcony, and every fanciful bird-cage of a snuggery -countersunk in the house-fronts, and all the long lines of roofs were -crowded with people, and each crowd was an explosion of brilliant color. - -Then the wide street itself, away down and down and down into the -distance, was alive with gorgeously-clothed people not still, but moving, -swaying, drifting, eddying, a delirious display of all colors and all -shades of color, delicate, lovely, pale, soft, strong, stunning, vivid, -brilliant, a sort of storm of sweetpea blossoms passing on the wings of a -hurricane; and presently, through this storm of color, came swaying and -swinging the majestic elephants, clothed in their Sunday best of -gaudinesses, and the long procession of fanciful trucks freighted with -their groups of curious and costly images, and then the long rearguard of -stately camels, with their picturesque riders. - -For color, and picturesqueness, and novelty, and outlandishness, and -sustained interest and fascination, it was the most satisfying show I had -ever seen, and I suppose I shall not have the privilege of looking upon -its like again. - - - - -CHAPTER LXI. - -In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made -School Boards. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Suppose we applied no more ingenuity to the instruction of deaf and dumb -and blind children than we sometimes apply in our American public schools -to the instruction of children who are in possession of all their -faculties? The result would be that the deaf and dumb and blind would -acquire nothing. They would live and die as ignorant as bricks and -stones. The methods used in the asylums are rational. The teacher -exactly measures the child's capacity, to begin with; and from thence -onwards the tasks imposed are nicely gauged to the gradual development of -that capacity, the tasks keep pace with the steps of the child's -progress, they don't jump miles and leagues ahead of it by irrational -caprice and land in vacancy--according to the average public-school plan. -In the public school, apparently, they teach the child to spell cat, then -ask it to calculate an eclipse; when it can read words of two syllables, -they require it to explain the circulation of the blood; when it reaches -the head of the infant class they bully it with conundrums that cover the -domain of universal knowledge. This sounds extravagant--and is; yet it -goes no great way beyond the facts. - -I received a curious letter one day, from the Punjab (you must pronounce -it Punjawb). The handwriting was excellent, and the wording was English ---English, and yet not exactly English. The style was easy and smooth -and flowing, yet there was something subtly foreign about it--A something -tropically ornate and sentimental and rhetorical. It turned out to be -the work of a Hindoo youth, the holder of a humble clerical billet in a -railway office. He had been educated in one of the numerous colleges of -India. Upon inquiry I was told that the country was full of young -fellows of his like. They had been educated away up to the snow-summits -of learning--and the market for all this elaborate cultivation was -minutely out of proportion to the vastness of the product. This market -consisted of some thousands of small clerical posts under the government- -the supply of material for it was multitudinous. If this youth with the -flowing style and the blossoming English was occupying a small railway -clerkship, it meant that there were hundreds and hundreds as capable as -he, or he would be in a high place; and it certainly meant that there -were thousands whose education and capacity had fallen a little short, -and that they would have to go without places. Apparently, then, the -colleges of India were doing what our high schools have long been doing-- -richly over-supplying the market for highly-educated service; and thereby -doing a damage to the scholar, and through him to the country. - -At home I once made a speech deploring the injuries inflicted by the high -school in making handicrafts distasteful to boys who would have been -willing to make a living at trades and agriculture if they had but had -the good luck to stop with the common school. But I made no converts. -Not one, in a community overrun with educated idlers who were above -following their fathers' mechanical trades, yet could find no market for -their book-knowledge. The same rail that brought me the letter from the -Punjab, brought also a little book published by Messrs. Thacker, Spink & -Co., of Calcutta, which interested me, for both its preface and its -contents treated of this matter of over-education. In the preface occurs -this paragraph from the Calcutta Review. For "Government office" read -"drygoods clerkship" and it will fit more than one region of America: - - "The education that we give makes the boys a little less clownish in - their manners, and more intelligent when spoken to by strangers. On - the other hand, it has made them less contented with their lot in - life, and less willing to work with their hands. The form which - discontent takes in this country is not of a healthy kind; for, the - Natives of India consider that the only occupation worthy of an - educated man is that of a writership in some office, and especially - in a Government office. The village schoolboy goes back to the plow - with the greatest reluctance; and the town schoolboy carries the - same discontent and inefficiency into his father's workshop. - Sometimes these ex-students positively refuse at first to work; and - more than once parents have openly expressed their regret that they - ever allowed their sons to be inveigled to school." - -The little book which I am quoting from is called "Indo-Anglian -Literature," and is well stocked with "baboo" English--clerkly English, -hooky English, acquired in the schools. Some of it is very funny,-- -almost as funny, perhaps, as what you and I produce when we try to write -in a language not our own; but much of it is surprisingly correct and -free. If I were going to quote good English--but I am not. India is -well stocked with natives who speak it and write it as well as the best -of us. I merely wish to show some of the quaint imperfect attempts at -the use of our tongue. There are many letters in the book; poverty -imploring help--bread, money, kindness, office generally an office, a -clerkship, some way to get food and a rag out of the applicant's -unmarketable education; and food not for himself alone, but sometimes for -a dozen helpless relations in addition to his own family; for those -people are astonishingly unselfish, and admirably faithful to their ties -of kinship. Among us I think there is nothing approaching it. Strange -as some of these wailing and supplicating letters are, humble and even -groveling as some of them are, and quaintly funny and confused as a -goodly number of them are, there is still a pathos about them, as a rule, -that checks the rising laugh and reproaches it. In the following letter -"father" is not to be read literally. In Ceylon a little native beggar- -girl embarrassed me by calling me father, although I knew she was -mistaken. I was so new that I did not know that she was merely following -the custom of the dependent and the supplicant. - - "SIR, - - "I pray please to give me some action (work) for I am very poor boy - I have no one to help me even so father for it so it seemed in thy - good sight, you give the Telegraph Office, and another work what is - your wish I am very poor boy, this understand what is your wish you - my father I am your son this understand what is your wish. - - "Your Sirvent, P. C. B." - -Through ages of debasing oppression suffered by these people at the hands -of their native rulers, they come legitimately by the attitude and -language of fawning and flattery, and one must remember this in -mitigation when passing judgment upon the native character. It is common -in these letters to find the petitioner furtively trying to get at the -white man's soft religious side; even this poor boy baits his hook with a -macerated Bible-text in the hope that it may catch something if all else -fail. - -Here is an application for the post of instructor in English to some -children: - - "My Dear Sir or Gentleman, that your Petitioner has much - qualification in the Language of English to instruct the young boys; - I was given to understand that your of suitable children has to - acquire the knowledge of English language." - -As a sample of the flowery Eastern style, I will take a sentence or two -from along letter written by a young native to the Lieutenant-Governor of -Bengal--an application for employment: - - "HONORED AND MUCH RESPECTED SIR, - - "I hope your honor will condescend to hear the tale of this poor - creature. I shall overflow with gratitude at this mark of your - royal condescension. The bird-like happiness has flown away from my - nest-like heart and has not hitherto returned from the period whence - the rose of my father's life suffered the autumnal breath of death, - in plain English he passed through the gates of Grave, and from that - hour the phantom of delight has never danced before me." - -It is all school-English, book-English, you see; and good enough, too, -all things considered. If the native boy had but that one study he would -shine, he would dazzle, no doubt. But that is not the case. He is -situated as are our public-school children--loaded down with an over- -freightage of other studies; and frequently they are as far beyond the -actual point of progress reached by him and suited to the stage of -development attained, as could be imagined by the insanest fancy. -Apparently--like our public-school boy--he must work, work, work, in -school and out, and play but little. Apparently--like our public-school -boy--his "education" consists in learning things, not the meaning of -them; he is fed upon the husks, not the corn. From several essays -written by native schoolboys in answer to the question of how they spend -their day, I select one--the one which goes most into detail: - - "66. At the break of day I rises from my own bed and finish my - daily duty, then I employ myself till 8 o'clock, after which I - employ myself to bathe, then take for my body some sweet meat, and - just at 9 1/2 I came to school to attend my class duty, then at - 2 1/2 P. M. I return from school and engage myself to do my natural - duty, then, I engage for a quarter to take my tithn, then I study - till 5 P. M., after which I began to play anything which comes in - my head. After 8 1/2, half pass to eight we are began to sleep, - before sleeping I told a constable just 11 o' he came and rose us - from half pass eleven we began to read still morning." - -It is not perfectly clear, now that I come to cipher upon it. He gets up -at about 5 in the morning, or along there somewhere, and goes to bed -about fifteen or sixteen hours afterward--that much of it seems straight; -but why he should rise again three hours later and resume his studies -till morning is puzzling. - -I think it is because he is studying history. History requires a world -of time and bitter hard work when your "education" is no further advanced -than the cat's; when you are merely stuffing yourself with a mixed-up -mess of empty names and random incidents and elusive dates, which no one -teaches you how to interpret, and which, uninterpreted, pay you not a -farthing's value for your waste of time. Yes, I think he had to get up -at halfpast 11 P.M. in order to be sure to be perfect with his history -lesson by noon. With results as follows--from a Calcutta school -examination: - -"Q. Who was Cardinal Wolsey? -"Cardinal Wolsey was an Editor of a paper named North Briton. No. 45 of -his publication he charged the King of uttering a lie from the throne. -He was arrested and cast into prison; and after releasing went to France. - -"3. As Bishop of York but died in disentry in a church on his way to be -blockheaded. - -"8. Cardinal Wolsey was the son of Edward IV, after his father's death -he himself ascended the throne at the age of (10) ten only, but when he -surpassed or when he was fallen in his twenty years of age at that time -he wished to make a journey in his countries under him, but he was -opposed by his mother to do journey, and according to his mother's -example he remained in the home, and then became King. After many times -obstacles and many confusion he become King and afterwards his brother." - -There is probably not a word of truth in that. - -"Q. What is the meaning of 'Ich Dien'? - -"10. An honor conferred on the first or eldest sons of English -Sovereigns. It is nothing more than some feathers. - -"11. Ich Dien was the word which was written on the feathers of the -blind King who came to fight, being interlaced with the bridles of the -horse. - -"13. Ich Dien is a title given to Henry VII by the Pope of Rome, when he -forwarded the Reformation of Cardinal Wolsy to Rome, and for this reason -he was called Commander of the faith." - -A dozen or so of this kind of insane answers are quoted in the book from -that examination. Each answer is sweeping proof, all by itself, that the -person uttering it was pushed ahead of where he belonged when he was put -into history; proof that he had been put to the task of acquiring history -before he had had a single lesson in the art of acquiring it, which is -the equivalent of dumping a pupil into geometry before he has learned the -progressive steps which lead up to it and make its acquirement possible. -Those Calcutta novices had no business with history. There was no excuse -for examining them in it, no excuse for exposing them and their teachers. -They were totally empty; there was nothing to "examine." - -Helen Keller has been dumb, stone deaf, and stone blind, ever since she -was a little baby a year-and-a-half old; and now at sixteen years of age -this miraculous creature, this wonder of all the ages, passes the Harvard -University examination in Latin, German, French history, belles lettres, -and such things, and does it brilliantly, too, not in a commonplace -fashion. She doesn't know merely things, she is splendidly familiar with -the meanings of them. When she writes an essay on a Shakespearean -character, her English is fine and strong, her grasp of the subject is -the grasp of one who knows, and her page is electric with light. Has -Miss Sullivan taught her by the methods of India and the American public -school? No, oh, no; for then she would be deafer and dumber and blinder -than she was before. It is a pity that we can't educate all the children -in the asylums. - -To continue the Calcutta exposure: - -"What is the meaning of a Sheriff?" - -"25. Sheriff is a post opened in the time of John. The duty of Sheriff -here in Calcutta, to look out and catch those carriages which is rashly -driven out by the coachman; but it is a high post in England. - -"26. Sheriff was the English bill of common prayer. - -"27. The man with whom the accusative persons are placed is called -Sheriff. - -"28. Sheriff--Latin term for 'shrub,' we called broom, worn by the first -earl of Enjue, as an emblem of humility when they went to the pilgrimage, -and from this their hairs took their crest and surname. - -"29. Sheriff is a kind of titlous sect of people, as Barons, Nobles, -etc. - -"30. Sheriff; a tittle given on those persons who were respective and -pious in England." - -The students were examined in the following bulky matters: Geometry, the -Solar Spectrum, the Habeas Corpus Act, the British Parliament, and in -Metaphysics they were asked to trace the progress of skepticism from -Descartes to Hume. It is within bounds to say that some of the results -were astonishing. Without doubt, there were students present who -justified their teacher's wisdom in introducing them to these studies; -but the fact is also evident that others had been pushed into these -studies to waste their time over them when they could have been -profitably employed in hunting smaller game. Under the head of Geometry, -one of the answers is this: - -"49. The whole BD=the whole CA, and so-so-so-so-so-so-so. - -To me this is cloudy, but I was never well up in geometry. That was the -only effort made among the five students who appeared for examination in -geometry; the other four wailed and surrendered without a fight. They -are piteous wails, too, wails of despair; and one of them is an eloquent -reproach; it comes from a poor fellow who has been laden beyond his -strength by a stupid teacher, and is eloquent in spite of the poverty of -its English. The poor chap finds himself required to explain riddles -which even Sir Isaac Newton was not able to understand: - -"50. Oh my dear father examiner you my father and you kindly give a -number of pass you my great father. - -"51. I am a poor boy and have no means to support my mother and two -brothers who are suffering much for want of food. I get four rupees -monthly from charity fund of this place, from which I send two rupees for -their support, and keep two for my own support. Father, if I relate the -unlucky circumstance under which we are placed, then, I think, you will -not be able to suppress the tender tear. - -"52. Sir which Sir Isaac Newton and other experienced mathematicians -cannot understand I being third of Entrance Class can understand these -which is too impossible to imagine. And my examiner also has put very -tiresome and very heavy propositions to prove." - -We must remember that these pupils had to do their thinking in one -language, and express themselves in another and alien one. It was a -heavy handicap. I have by me "English as She is Taught"--a collection of -American examinations made in the public schools of Brooklyn by one of -the teachers, Miss Caroline B. Le Row. An extract or two from its pages -will show that when the American pupil is using but one language, and -that one his own, his performance is no whit better than his Indian -brother's: - -"ON HISTORY. - -"Christopher Columbus was called the father of his Country. Queen -Isabella of Spain sold her watch and chain and other millinery so that -Columbus could discover America. - -"The Indian wars were very desecrating to the country. - -"The Indians pursued their warfare by hiding in the bushes and then -scalping them. - -"Captain John Smith has been styled the father of his country. His life -was saved by his daughter Pochahantas. - -"The Puritans found an insane asylum in the wilds of America. - -"The Stamp Act was to make everybody stamp all materials so they should -be null and void. - -"Washington died in Spain almost broken-hearted. His remains were taken -to the cathedral in Havana. - -"Gorilla warfare was where men rode on gorillas." - - -In Brooklyn, as in India, they examine a pupil, and when they find out he -doesn't know anything, they put him into literature, or geometry, or -astronomy, or government, or something like that, so that he can properly -display the assification of the whole system - -"ON LITERATURE. - -"'Bracebridge Hall' was written by Henry Irving. - -"Edgar A. Poe was a very curdling writer. - -"Beowulf wrote the Scriptures. - -"Ben Johnson survived Shakespeare in some respects. - -"In the 'Canterbury Tale' it gives account of King Alfred on his way to -the shrine of Thomas Bucket. - -"Chaucer was the father of English pottery. - -"Chaucer was succeeded by H. Wads. Longfellow." - - -We will finish with a couple of samples of "literature," one from -America, the other from India. The first is a Brooklyn public-school -boy's attempt to turn a few verses of the "Lady of the Lake" into prose. -You will have to concede that he did it: - -"The man who rode on the horse performed the whip and an instrument made -of steel alone with strong ardor not diminishing, for, being tired from -the time passed with hard labor overworked with anger and ignorant with -weariness, while every breath for labor lie drew with cries full of -sorrow, the young deer made imperfect who worked hard filtered in sight." - - -The following paragraph is from a little book which is famous in India- -the biography of a distinguished Hindoo judge, Onoocool Chunder -Mookerjee; it was written by his nephew, and is unintentionally funny-in -fact, exceedingly so. I offer here the closing scene. If you would like -to sample the rest of the book, it can be had by applying to the -publishers, Messrs. Thacker, Spink & Co., Calcutta - - "And having said these words he hermetically sealed his lips not to - open them again. All the well-known doctors of Calcutta that could - be procured for a man of his position and wealth were brought,-- - Doctors Payne, Fayrer, and Nilmadhub Mookerjee and others; they did - what they could do, with their puissance and knack of medical - knowledge, but it proved after all as if to milk the ram! His wife - and children had not the mournful consolation to hear his last - words; he remained sotto voce for a few hours, and then was taken - from us at 6.12 P.m. according to the caprice of God which passeth - understanding." - - - - -CHAPTER LXII. - -There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined ones. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -We sailed from Calcutta toward the end of March; stopped a day at Madras; -two or three days in Ceylon; then sailed westward on a long flight for -Mauritius. From my diary: - -April 7. We are far abroad upon the smooth waters of the Indian Ocean, -now; it is shady and pleasant and peaceful under the vast spread of the -awnings, and life is perfect again--ideal. - -The difference between a river and the sea is, that the river looks -fluid, the sea solid--usually looks as if you could step out and walk on -it. - -The captain has this peculiarity--he cannot tell the truth in a plausible -way. In this he is the very opposite of the austere Scot who sits midway -of the table; he cannot tell a lie in an unplausible way. When the -captain finishes a statement the passengers glance at each other -privately, as who should say, "Do you believe that?" When the Scot -finishes one, the look says, "How strange and interesting." The whole -secret is in the manner and method of the two men. The captain is a -little shy and diffident, and he states the simplest fact as if he were a -little afraid of it, while the Scot delivers himself of the most -abandoned lie with such an air of stern veracity that one is forced to -believe it although one knows it isn't so. For instance, the Scot told -about a pet flying-fish he once owned, that lived in a little fountain in -his conservatory, and supported itself by catching birds and frogs and -rats in the neighboring fields. It was plain that no one at the table -doubted this statement. - -By and by, in the course of some talk about custom-house annoyances, the -captain brought out the following simple everyday incident, but through -his infirmity of style managed to tell it in such a way that it got no -credence. He said: - - "I went ashore at Naples one voyage when I was in that trade, and - stood around helping my passengers, for I could speak a little - Italian. Two or three times, at intervals, the officer asked me if - I had anything dutiable about me, and seemed more and more put out - and disappointed every time I told him no. Finally a passenger whom - I had helped through asked me to come out and take something. I - thanked him, but excused myself, saying I had taken a whisky just - before I came ashore. - - "It was a fatal admission. The officer at once made me pay sixpence - import-duty on the whisky-just from ship to shore, you see; and he - fined me L5 for not declaring the goods, another L5 for falsely - denying that I had anything dutiable about me, also L5 for - concealing the goods, and L50 for smuggling, which is the maximum - penalty for unlawfully bringing in goods under the value of - sevenpence ha'penny. Altogether, sixty-five pounds sixpence for a - little thing like that." - -The Scot is always believed, yet he never tells anything but lies; -whereas the captain is never believed, although he never tells a lie, so -far as I can judge. If he should say his uncle was a male person, he -would probably say it in such a way that nobody would believe it; at the -same time the Scot could claim that he had a female uncle and not stir a -doubt in anybody's mind. My own luck has been curious all my literary -life; I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that -anybody would believe. - -Lots of pets on board--birds and things. In these far countries the -white people do seem to run remarkably to pets. Our host in Cawnpore had -a fine collection of birds--the finest we saw in a private house in -India. And in Colombo, Dr. Murray's great compound and commodious -bungalow were well populated with domesticated company from the woods: -frisky little squirrels; a Ceylon mina walking sociably about the house; -a small green parrot that whistled a single urgent note of call without -motion of its beak; also chuckled; a monkey in a cage on the back -veranda, and some more out in the trees; also a number of beautiful -macaws in the trees; and various and sundry birds and animals of breeds -not known to me. But no cat. Yet a cat would have liked that place. - -April 9. Tea-planting is the great business in Ceylon, now. A passenger -says it often pays 40 per cent. on the investment. Says there is a boom. - -April 10. The sea is a Mediterranean blue; and I believe that that is -about the divinest color known to nature. - -It is strange and fine--Nature's lavish generosities to her creatures. -At least to all of them except man. For those that fly she has provided -a home that is nobly spacious--a home which is forty miles deep and -envelops the whole globe, and has not an obstruction in it. For those -that swim she has provided a more than imperial domain--a domain which is -miles deep and covers four-fifths of the globe. But as for man, she has -cut him off with the mere odds and ends of the creation. She has given -him the thin skin, the meagre skin which is stretched over the remaining -one-fifth--the naked bones stick up through it in most places. On the -one-half of this domain he can raise snow, ice, sand, rocks, and nothing -else. So the valuable part of his inheritance really consists of but a -single fifth of the family estate; and out of it he has to grub hard to -get enough to keep him alive and provide kings and soldiers and powder to -extend the blessings of civilization with. Yet man, in his simplicity -and complacency and inability to cipher, thinks Nature regards him as the -important member of the family--in fact, her favorite. Surely, it must -occur to even his dull head, sometimes, that she has a curious way of -showing it. - -Afternoon. The captain has been telling how, in one of his Arctic -voyages, it was so cold that the mate's shadow froze fast to the deck and -had to be ripped loose by main strength. And even then he got only about -two-thirds of it back. Nobody said anything, and the captain went away. -I think he is becoming disheartened . . . . Also, to be fair, there -is another word of praise due to this ship's library: it contains no copy -of the Vicar of Wakefield, that strange menagerie of complacent -hypocrites and idiots, of theatrical cheap-john heroes and heroines, who -are always showing off, of bad people who are not interesting, and good -people who are fatiguing. A singular book. Not a sincere line in it, -and not a character that invites respect; a book which is one long waste- -pipe discharge of goody-goody puerilities and dreary moralities; a book -which is full of pathos which revolts, and humor which grieves the heart. -There are few things in literature that are more piteous, more pathetic, -than the celebrated "humorous" incident of Moses and the spectacles. -Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one -omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that -hadn't a book in it. - -Customs in tropic seas. At 5 in the morning they pipe to wash down the -decks, and at once the ladies who are sleeping there turn out and they -and their beds go below. Then one after another the men come up from the -bath in their pyjamas, and walk the decks an hour or two with bare legs -and bare feet. Coffee and fruit served. The ship cat and her kitten now -appear and get about their toilets; next the barber comes and flays us on -the breezy deck. Breakfast at 9.30, and the day begins. I do not know -how a day could be more reposeful: no motion; a level blue sea; nothing -in sight from horizon to horizon; the speed of the ship furnishes a -cooling breeze; there is no mail to read and answer; no newspapers to -excite you; no telegrams to fret you or fright you--the world is far, far -away; it has ceased to exist for you--seemed a fading dream, along in the -first days; has dissolved to an unreality now; it is gone from your mind -with all its businesses and ambitions, its prosperities and disasters, -its exultations and despairs, its joys and griefs and cares and worries. -They are no concern of yours any more; they have gone out of your life; -they are a storm which has passed and left a deep calm behind. The -people group themselves about the decks in their snowy white linen, and -read, smoke, sew, play cards, talk, nap, and so on. In other ships the -passengers are always ciphering about when they are going to arrive; out -in these seas it is rare, very rare, to hear that subject broached. In -other ships there is always an eager rush to the bulletin board at noon -to find out what the "run" has been; in these seas the bulletin seems to -attract no interest; I have seen no one visit it; in thirteen days I have -visited it only once. Then I happened to notice the figures of the day's -run. On that day there happened to be talk, at dinner, about the speed -of modern ships. I was the only passenger present who knew this ship's -gait. Necessarily, the Atlantic custom of betting on the ship's run is -not a custom here--nobody ever mentions it. - -I myself am wholly indifferent as to when we are going to "get in"; if -any one else feels interested in the matter he has not indicated it in my -hearing. If I had my way we should never get in at all. This sort of -sea life is charged with an indestructible charm. There is no weariness, -no fatigue, no worry, no responsibility, no work, no depression of -spirits. There is nothing like this serenity, this comfort, this peace, -this deep contentment, to be found anywhere on land. If I had my way I -would sail on for ever and never go to live on the solid ground again. - -One of Kipling's ballads has delivered the aspect and sentiment of this -bewitching sea correctly: - - "The Injian Ocean sets an' smiles - So sof', so bright, so bloomin' blue; - There aren't a wave for miles an' miles - Excep' the jiggle from the screw." - -April 14. It turns out that the astronomical apprentice worked off a -section of the Milky Way on me for the Magellan Clouds. A man of more -experience in the business showed one of them to me last night. It was -small and faint and delicate, and looked like the ghost of a bunch of -white smoke left floating in the sky by an exploded bombshell. - -Wednesday, April 15. Mauritius. Arrived and anchored off Port Louis -2 A. M. Rugged clusters of crags and peaks, green to their summits; from -their bases to the sea a green plain with just tilt enough to it to make -the water drain off. I believe it is in 56 E. and 22 S.--a hot tropical -country. The green plain has an inviting look; has scattering dwellings -nestling among the greenery. Scene of the sentimental adventure of Paul -and Virginia. - -Island under French control--which means a community which depends upon -quarantines, not sanitation, for its health. - -Thursday, April 16. Went ashore in the forenoon at Port Louis, a little -town, but with the largest variety of nationalities and complexions we -have encountered yet. French, English, Chinese, Arabs, Africans with -wool, blacks with straight hair, East Indians, half-whites, quadroons-- -and great varieties in costumes and colors. - -Took the train for Curepipe at 1.30--two hours' run, gradually uphill. -What a contrast, this frantic luxuriance of vegetation, with the arid -plains of India; these architecturally picturesque crags and knobs and -miniature mountains, with the monotony of the Indian dead-levels. - -A native pointed out a handsome swarthy man of grave and dignified -bearing, and said in an awed tone, "That is so-and-so; has held office of -one sort or another under this government for 37 years--he is known all -over this whole island and in the other countries of the world perhaps-- -who knows? One thing is certain; you can speak his name anywhere in this -whole island, and you will find not one grown person that has not heard -it. It is a wonderful thing to be so celebrated; yet look at him; it -makes no change in him; he does not even seem to know it." - -Curepipe (means Pincushion or Pegtown, probably). Sixteen miles (two -hours) by rail from Port Louis. At each end of every roof and on the -apex of every dormer window a wooden peg two feet high stands up; in some -cases its top is blunt, in others the peg is sharp and looks like a -toothpick. The passion for this humble ornament is universal. - -Apparently, there has been only one prominent event in the history of -Mauritius, and that one didn't happen. I refer to the romantic sojourn -of Paul and Virginia here. It was that story that made Mauritius known -to the world, made the name familiar to everybody, the geographical -position of it to nobody. - -A clergyman was asked to guess what was in a box on a table. It was a -vellum fan painted with the shipwreck, and was "one of Virginia's wedding -gifts." - -April 18. This is the only country in the world where the stranger is -not asked "How do you like this place?" This is indeed a large -distinction. Here the citizen does the talking about the country -himself; the stranger is not asked to help. You get all sorts of -information. From one citizen you gather the idea that Mauritius was -made first, and then heaven; and that heaven was copied after Mauritius. -Another one tells you that this is an exaggeration; that the two chief -villages, Port Louis and Curepipe, fall short of heavenly perfection; -that nobody lives in Port Louis except upon compulsion, and that Curepipe -is the wettest and rainiest place in the world. An English citizen said: - - "In the early part of this century Mauritius was used by the French - as a basis from which to operate against England's Indian - merchantmen; so England captured the island and also the neighbor, - Bourbon, to stop that annoyance. England gave Bourbon back; the - government in London did not want any more possessions in the West - Indies. If the government had had a better quality of geography in - stock it would not have wasted Bourbon in that foolish way. A big - war will temporarily shut up the Suez Canal some day and the English - ships will have to go to India around the Cape of Good Hope again; - then England will have to have Bourbon and will take it. - - "Mauritius was a crown colony until 20 years ago, with a governor - appointed by the Crown and assisted by a Council appointed by - himself; but Pope Hennessey came out as Governor then, and he worked - hard to get a part of the council made elective, and succeeded. So - now the whole council is French, and in all ordinary matters of - legislation they vote together and in the French interest, not the - English. The English population is very slender; it has not votes - enough to elect a legislator. Half a dozen rich French families - elect the legislature. Pope Hennessey was an Irishman, a Catholic, - a Home Ruler, M.P., a hater of England and the English, a very - troublesome person and a serious incumbrance at Westminster; so it - was decided to send him out to govern unhealthy countries, in hope - that something would happen to him. But nothing did. The first - experiment was not merely a failure, it was more than a failure. He - proved to be more of a disease himself than any he was sent to - encounter. The next experiment was here. The dark scheme failed - again. It was an off-season and there was nothing but measles here - at the time. Pope Hennessey's health was not affected. He worked - with the French and for the French and against the English, and he - made the English very tired and the French very happy, and lived to - have the joy of seeing the flag he served publicly hissed. His - memory is held in worshipful reverence and affection by the French. - - "It is a land of extraordinary quarantines. They quarantine a ship - for anything or for nothing; quarantine her for 20 and even 30 days. - They once quarantined a ship because her captain had had the - smallpox when he was a boy. That and because he was English. - - "The population is very small; small to insignificance. The - majority is East Indian; then mongrels; then negroes (descendants of - the slaves of the French times); then French; then English. There - was an American, but he is dead or mislaid. The mongrels are the - result of all kinds of mixtures; black and white, mulatto and white, - quadroon and white, octoroon and white. And so there is every shade - of complexion; ebony, old mahogany, horsechestnut, sorrel, molasses- - candy, clouded amber, clear amber, old-ivory white, new-ivory white, - fish-belly white--this latter the leprous complexion frequent with - the Anglo-Saxon long resident in tropical climates. - - "You wouldn't expect a person to be proud of being a Mauritian, now - would you? But it is so. The most of them have never been out of - the island, and haven't read much or studied much, and they think - the world consists of three principal countries--Judaea, France, and - Mauritius; so they are very proud of belonging to one of the three - grand divisions of the globe. They think that Russia and Germany - are in England, and that England does not amount to much. They have - heard vaguely about the United States and the equator, but they - think both of them are monarchies. They think Mount Peter Botte is - the highest mountain in the world, and if you show one of them a - picture of Milan Cathedral he will swell up with satisfaction and - say that the idea of that jungle of spires was stolen from the - forest of peg-tops and toothpicks that makes the roofs of Curepipe - look so fine and prickly. - - "There is not much trade in books. The newspapers educate and - entertain the people. Mainly the latter. They have two pages of - large-print reading-matter-one of them English, the other French. - The English page is a translation of the French one. The typography - is super-extra primitive--in this quality it has not its equal - anywhere. There is no proof-reader now; he is dead. - - "Where do they get matter to fill up a page in this little island - lost in the wastes of the Indian Ocean? Oh, Madagascar. They - discuss Madagascar and France. That is the bulk. Then they chock - up the rest with advice to the Government. Also, slurs upon the - English administration. The papers are all owned and edited by - creoles--French. - - "The language of the country is French. Everybody speaks it -has - to. You have to know French particularly mongrel French, the patois - spoken by Tom, Dick, and Harry of the multiform complexions--or you - can't get along. - -"This was a flourishing country in former days, for it made then and -still makes the best sugar in the world; but first the Suez Canal severed -it from the world and left it out in the cold and next the beetroot sugar -helped by bounties, captured the European markets. Sugar is the life of -Mauritius, and it is losing its grip. Its downward course was checked by -the depreciation of the rupee--for the planter pays wages in rupees but -sells his crop for gold--and the insurrection in Cuba and paralyzation of -the sugar industry there have given our prices here a life-saving lift; -but the outlook has nothing permanently favorable about it. It takes a -year to mature the canes--on the high ground three and six months longer ---and there is always a chance that the annual cyclone will rip the -profit out of the crop. In recent times a cyclone took the whole crop, -as you may say; and the island never saw a finer one. Some of the -noblest sugar estates in the island are in deep difficulties. A dozen of -them are investments of English capital; and the companies that own them -are at work now, trying to settle up and get out with a saving of half -the money they put in. You know, in these days, when a country begins to -introduce the tea culture, it means that its own specialty has gone back -on it. Look at Bengal; look at Ceylon. Well, they've begun to introduce -the tea culture, here. - -"Many copies of Paul and Virginia are sold every year in Mauritius. No -other book is so popular here except the Bible. By many it is supposed -to be a part of the Bible. All the missionaries work up their French on -it when they come here to pervert the Catholic mongrel. It is the -greatest story that was ever written about Mauritius, and the only one." - - - - -CHAPTER LXIII. - -The principal difference between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only -nine lives. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -April 20. --The cyclone of 1892 killed and crippled hundreds of people; -it was accompanied by a deluge of rain, which drowned Port Louis and -produced a water famine. Quite true; for it burst the reservoir and the -water-pipes; and for a time after the flood had disappeared there was -much distress from want of water. - -This is the only place in the world where no breed of matches can stand -the damp. Only one match in 16 will light. - -The roads are hard and smooth; some of the compounds are spacious, some -of the bungalows commodious, and the roadways are walled by tall bamboo -hedges, trim and green and beautiful; and there are azalea hedges, too, -both the white and the red; I never saw that before. - -As to healthiness: I translate from to-day's (April 20) Merchants' and -Planters' Gazette, from the article of a regular contributor, "Carminge," -concerning the death of the nephew of a prominent citizen: - - "Sad and lugubrious existence, this which we lead in Mauritius; I - believe there is no other country in the world where one dies more - easily than among us. The least indisposition becomes a mortal - malady; a simple headache develops into meningitis; a cold into - pneumonia, and presently, when we are least expecting it, death is a - guest in our home." - -This daily paper has a meteorological report which tells you what the -weather was day before yesterday. - -One is clever pestered by a beggar or a peddler in this town, so far as I -can see. This is pleasantly different from India. - -April 22. To such as believe that the quaint product called French -civilization would be an improvement upon the civilization of New Guinea -and the like, the snatching of Madagascar and the laying on of French -civilization there will be fully justified. But why did the English -allow the French to have Madagascar? Did she respect a theft of a couple -of centuries ago? Dear me, robbery by European nations of each other's -territories has never been a sin, is not a sin to-day. To the several -cabinets the several political establishments of the world are -clotheslines; and a large part of the official duty of these cabinets is -to keep an eye on each other's wash and grab what they can of it as -opportunity offers. All the territorial possessions of all the political -establishments in the earth--including America, of course--consist of -pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, -and no nation, howsoever mighty, occupies a foot of land that was not -stolen. When the English, the French, and the Spaniards reached America, -the Indian tribes had been raiding each other's territorial clothes-lines -for ages, and every acre of ground in the continent had been stolen and -re-stolen 500 times. The English, the French, and the Spaniards went to -work and stole it all over again; and when that was satisfactorily -accomplished they went diligently to work and stole it from each other. -In Europe and Asia and Africa every acre of ground has been stolen -several millions of times. A crime persevered in a thousand centuries -ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, -and custom supersedes all other forms of law. Christian governments are -as frank to-day, as open and above-board, in discussing projects for -raiding each other's clothes-lines as ever they were before the Golden -Rule came smiling into this inhospitable world and couldn't get a night's -lodging anywhere. In 150 years England has beneficently retired garment -after garment from the Indian lines, until there is hardly a rag of the -original wash left dangling anywhere. In 800 years an obscure tribe of -Muscovite savages has risen to the dazzling position of Land-Robber-in- -Chief; she found a quarter of the world hanging out to dry on a hundred -parallels of latitude, and she scooped in the whole wash. She keeps a -sharp eye on a multitude of little lines that stretch along the northern -boundaries of India, and every now and then she snatches a hip-rag or a -pair of pyjamas. It is England's prospective property, and Russia knows -it; but Russia cares nothing for that. In fact, in our day land-robbery, -claim-jumping, is become a European governmental frenzy. Some have been -hard at it in the borders of China, in Burma, in Siam, and the islands of -the sea; and all have been at it in Africa. Africa has been as coolly -divided up and portioned out among the gang as if they had bought it and -paid for it. And now straightway they are beginning the old game again-- -to steal each other's grabbings. Germany found a vast slice of Central -Africa with the English flag and the English missionary and the English -trader scattered all over it, but with certain formalities neglected--no -signs up, " Keep off the grass," "Trespassers-forbidden," etc.--and she -stepped in with a cold calm smile and put up the signs herself, and swept -those English pioneers promptly out of the country. - -There is a tremendous point there. It can be put into the form of a -maxim: Get your formalities right--never mind about the moralities. - -It was an impudent thing; but England had to put up with it. Now, in the -case of Madagascar, the formalities had originally been observed, but by -neglect they had fallen into desuetude ages ago. England should have -snatched Madagascar from the French clothes-line. Without an effort she -could have saved those harmless natives from the calamity of French -civilization, and she did not do it. Now it is too late. - -The signs of the times show plainly enough what is going to happen. All -the savage lands in the world are going to be brought under subjection to -the Christian governments of Europe. I am not sorry, but glad. This -coming fate might have been a calamity to those savage peoples two -hundred years ago; but now it will in some cases be a benefaction. The -sooner the seizure is consummated, the better for the savages. - -The dreary and dragging ages of bloodshed and disorder and oppression -will give place to peace and order and the reign of law. When one -considers what India was under her Hindoo and Mohammedan rulers, and what -she is now; when he remembers the miseries of her millions then and the -protections and humanities which they enjoy now, he must concede that the -most fortunate thing that has ever befallen that empire was the -establishment of British supremacy there. The savage lands of the world -are to pass to alien possession, their peoples to the mercies of alien -rulers. Let us hope and believe that they will all benefit by the -change. - -April 23. "The first year they gather shells; the second year they -gather shells and drink; the third year they do not gather shells." (Said -of immigrants to Mauritius.) - -Population 375,000. 120 sugar factories. - -Population 1851, 185,000. The increase is due mainly to the introduction -of Indian coolies. They now apparently form the great majority of the -population. They are admirable breeders; their homes are always hazy -with children. Great savers of money. A British officer told me that in -India he paid his servant 10 rupees a month, and he had 11 cousins, -uncles, parents, etc., dependent upon him, and he supported them on his -wages. These thrifty coolies are said to be acquiring land a trifle at a -time, and cultivating it; and may own the island by and by. - -The Indian women do very hard labor [for wages of (1/2 rupee)for twelve -hours' work.] They carry mats of sugar on their heads (70 pounds) all -day lading ships, for half a rupee, and work at gardening all day for -less. - -The camaron is a fresh water creature like a cray-fish. It is regarded -here as the world's chiefest delicacy--and certainly it is good. Guards -patrol the streams to prevent poaching it. A fine of Rs. 200 or 300 -(they say) for poaching. Bait is thrown in the water; the camaron goes -for it; the fisher drops his loop in and works it around and about the -camaron he has selected, till he gets it over its tail; then there's a -jerk or something to certify the camaron that it is his turn now; he -suddenly backs away, which moves the loop still further up his person and -draws it taut, and his days are ended. - -Another dish, called palmiste, is like raw turnip-shavings and tastes -like green almonds; is very delicate and good. Costs the life of a palm -tree 12 to 20 years old--for it is the pith. - -Another dish--looks like greens or a tangle of fine seaweed--is a -preparation of the deadly nightshade. Good enough. - -The monkeys live in the dense forests on the flanks of the toy mountains, -and they flock down nights and raid the sugar-fields. Also on other -estates they come down and destroy a sort of bean-crop--just for fun, -apparently--tear off the pods and throw them down. - -The cyclone of 1892 tore down two great blocks of stone buildings in the -center of Port Louis--the chief architectural feature-and left the -uncomely and apparently frail blocks standing. Everywhere in its track -it annihilated houses, tore off roofs, destroyed trees and crops. The -men were in the towns, the women and children at home in the country -getting crippled, killed, frightened to insanity; and the rain deluging -them, the wind howling, the thunder crashing, the lightning glaring. -This for an hour or so. Then a lull and sunshine; many ventured out of -safe shelter; then suddenly here it came again from the opposite point -and renewed and completed the devastation. It is said the Chinese fed -the sufferers for days on free rice. - -Whole streets in Port Louis were laid flat--wrecked. During a minute and -a half the wind blew 123 miles an hour; no official record made after -that, when it may have reached 150. It cut down an obelisk. It carried -an American ship into the woods after breaking the chains of two anchors. -They now use four-two forward, two astern. Common report says it killed -1,200 in Port Louis alone, in half an hour. Then came the lull of the -central calm--people did not know the barometer was still going down-- -then suddenly all perdition broke loose again while people were rushing -around seeking friends and rescuing the wounded. The noise was -comparable to nothing; there is nothing resembling it but thunder and -cannon, and these are feeble in comparison. - -What there is of Mauritius is beautiful. You have undulating wide -expanses of sugar-cane--a fine, fresh green and very pleasant to the eye; -and everywhere else you have a ragged luxuriance of tropic vegetation of -vivid greens of varying shades, a wild tangle of underbrush, with -graceful tall palms lifting their crippled plumes high above it; and you -have stretches of shady dense forest with limpid streams frolicking -through them, continually glimpsed and lost and glimpsed again in the -pleasantest hide-and-seek fashion; and you have some tiny mountains, some -quaint and picturesque groups of toy peaks, and a dainty little vest- -pocket Matterhorn; and here and there and now and then a strip of sea -with a white ruffle of surf breaks into the view. - -That is Mauritius; and pretty enough. The details are few, the massed -result is charming, but not imposing; not riotous, not exciting; it is a -Sunday landscape. Perspective, and the enchantments wrought by distance, -are wanting. There are no distances; there is no perspective, so to -speak. Fifteen miles as the crow flies is the usual limit of vision. -Mauritius is a garden and a park combined. It affects one's emotions as -parks and gardens affect them. The surfaces of one's spiritual deeps are -pleasantly played upon, the deeps themselves are not reached, not -stirred. Spaciousness, remote altitudes, the sense of mystery which -haunts apparently inaccessible mountain domes and summits reposing in the -sky--these are the things which exalt the spirit and move it to see -visions and dream dreams. - -The Sandwich Islands remain my ideal of the perfect thing in the matter -of tropical islands. I would add another story to Mauna Loa's 16,000 -feet if I could, and make it particularly bold and steep and craggy and -forbidding and snowy; and I would make the volcano spout its lava-floods -out of its summit instead of its sides; but aside from these non- -essentials I have no corrections to suggest. I hope these will be -attended to; I do not wish to have to speak of it again. - - - - -CHAPTER LXIV. - -When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: -throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the -quickest. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The Arundel Castle is the finest boat I have seen in these seas. She is -thoroughly modern, and that statement covers a great deal of ground. She -has the usual defect, the common defect, the universal defect, the defect -that has never been missing from any ship that ever sailed--she has -imperfect beds. Many ships have good beds, but no ship has very good -ones. In the matter of beds all ships have been badly edited, ignorantly -edited, from the beginning. The selection of the beds is given to some -hearty, strong-backed, self-made man, when it ought to be given to a -frail woman accustomed from girlhood to backaches and insomnia. Nothing -is so rare, on either side of the ocean, as a perfect bed; nothing is so -difficult to make. Some of the hotels on both sides provide it, but no -ship ever does or ever did. In Noah's Ark the beds were simply -scandalous. Noah set the fashion, and it will endure in one degree of -modification or another till the next flood. - -8 A.M. Passing Isle de Bourbon. Broken-up sky-line of volcanic -mountains in the middle. Surely it would not cost much to repair them, -and it seems inexcusable neglect to leave them as they are. - -It seems stupid to send tired men to Europe to rest. It is no proper -rest for the mind to clatter from town to town in the dust and cinders, -and examine galleries and architecture, and be always meeting people and -lunching and teaing and dining, and receiving worrying cables and -letters. And a sea voyage on the Atlantic is of no use--voyage too -short, sea too rough. The peaceful Indian and Pacific Oceans and the -long stretches of time are the healing thing. - -May 2, AM. A fair, great ship in sight, almost the first we have seen in -these weeks of lonely voyaging. We are now in the Mozambique Channel, -between Madagascar and South Africa, sailing straight west for Delagoa -Bay. - -Last night, the burly chief engineer, middle-aged, was standing telling a -spirited seafaring tale, and had reached the most exciting place, where a -man overboard was washing swiftly astern on the great seas, and uplifting -despairing cries, everybody racing aft in a frenzy of excitement and -fading hope, when the band, which had been silent a moment, began -impressively its closing piece, the English national anthem. As simply -as if he was unconscious of what he was doing, he stopped his story, -uncovered, laid his laced cap against his breast, and slightly bent his -grizzled head. The few bars finished, he put on his cap and took up his -tale again, as naturally as if that interjection of music had been a part -of it. There was something touching and fine about it, and it was moving -to reflect that he was one of a myriad, scattered over every part of the -globe, who by turn was doing as he was doing every hour of the twenty- -four--those awake doing it while the others slept--those impressive bars -forever floating up out of the various climes, never silent and never -lacking reverent listeners. - -All that I remember about Madagascar is that Thackeray's little Billie -went up to the top of the mast and there knelt him upon his knee, saying, -"I see - - "Jerusalem and Madagascar, - And North and South Amerikee." - -May 3. Sunday. Fifteen or twenty Africanders who will end their voyage -to-day and strike for their several homes from Delagoa Bay to-morrow, sat -up singing on the afterdeck in the moonlight till 3 A.M. Good fun and -wholesome. And the songs were clean songs, and some of them were -hallowed by tender associations. Finally, in a pause, a man asked, "Have -you heard about the fellow that kept a diary crossing the Atlantic?" -It was a discord, a wet blanket. The men were not in the mood for -humorous dirt. The songs had carried them to their homes, and in spirit -they sat by those far hearthstones, and saw faces and heard voices other -than those that were about them. And so this disposition to drag in an -old indecent anecdote got no welcome; nobody answered. The poor man -hadn't wit enough to see that he had blundered, but asked his question -again. Again there was no response. It was embarrassing for him. In -his confusion he chose the wrong course, did the wrong thing--began the -anecdote. Began it in a deep and hostile stillness, where had been such -life and stir and warm comradeship before. He delivered himself of the -brief details of the diary's first day, and did it with some confidence -and a fair degree of eagerness. It fell flat. There was an awkward -pause. The two rows of men sat like statues. There was no movement, no -sound. He had to go on; there was no other way, at least none that an -animal of his calibre could think of. At the close of each day's diary, -the same dismal silence followed. When at last he finished his tale and -sprung the indelicate surprise which is wont to fetch a crash of -laughter, not a ripple of sound resulted. It was as if the tale had been -told to dead men. After what seemed a long, long time, somebody sighed, -somebody else stirred in his seat; presently, the men dropped into a low -murmur of confidential talk, each with his neighbor, and the incident was -closed. There were indications that that man was fond of his anecdote; -that it was his pet, his standby, his shot that never missed, his -reputation-maker. But he will never tell it again. No doubt he will -think of it sometimes, for that cannot well be helped; and then he will -see a picture, and always the same picture--the double rank of dead men; -the vacant deck stretching away in dimming perspective beyond them, the -wide desert of smooth sea all abroad; the rim of the moon spying from -behind a rag of black cloud; the remote top of the mizzenmast shearing a -zigzag path through the fields of stars in the deeps of space; and this -soft picture will remind him of the time that he sat in the midst of it -and told his poor little tale and felt so lonesome when he got through. - -Fifty Indians and Chinamen asleep in a big tent in the waist of the ship -forward; they lie side by side with no space between; the former wrapped -up, head and all, as in the Indian streets, the Chinamen uncovered; the -lamp and things for opium smoking in the center. - -A passenger said it was ten 2-ton truck loads of dynamite that lately -exploded at Johannesburg. Hundreds killed; he doesn't know how many; -limbs picked up for miles around. Glass shattered, and roofs swept away -or collapsed 200 yards off; fragment of iron flung three and a half -miles. - -It occurred at 3 p.m.; at 6, L65,000 had been subscribed. When this -passenger left, L35,000 had been voted by city and state governments and -L100,000 by citizens and business corporations. When news of the -disaster was telephoned to the Exchange L35,000 were subscribed in the -first five minutes. Subscribing was still going on when he left; the -papers had ceased the names, only the amounts--too many names; not enough -room. L100,000 subscribed by companies and citizens; if this is true, it -must be what they call in Australia "a record"--the biggest instance of a -spontaneous outpour for charity in history, considering the size of the -population it was drawn from, $8 or $10 for each white resident, babies -at the breast included. - -Monday, May 4. Steaming slowly in the stupendous Delagoa Bay, its dim -arms stretching far away and disappearing on both sides. It could -furnish plenty of room for all the ships in the world, but it is shoal. -The lead has given us 3 1/2 fathoms several times and we are drawing -that, lacking 6 inches. - -A bold headland--precipitous wall, 150 feet high, very strong, red color, -stretching a mile or so. A man said it was Portuguese blood--battle -fought here with the natives last year. I think this doubtful. Pretty -cluster of houses on the tableland above the red-and rolling stretches of -grass and groups of trees, like England. - -The Portuguese have the railroad (one passenger train a day) to the -border--70 miles--then the Netherlands Company have it. Thousands of -tons of freight on the shore--no cover. This is Portuguese allover-- -indolence, piousness, poverty, impotence. - -Crews of small boats and tugs, all jet black woolly heads and very -muscular. - -Winter. The South African winter is just beginning now, but nobody but -an expert can tell it from summer. However, I am tired of summer; we -have had it unbroken for eleven months. We spent the afternoon on shore, -Delagoa Bay. A small town--no sights. No carriages. Three 'rickshas, -but we couldn't get them--apparently private. These Portuguese are a -rich brown, like some of the Indians. Some of the blacks have the long -horse beads and very long chins of the negroes of the picture books; but -most of them are exactly like the negroes of our Southern States round -faces, flat noses, good-natured, and easy laughers. - -Flocks of black women passed along, carrying outrageously heavy bags of -freight on their heads. The quiver of their leg as the foot was planted -and the strain exhibited by their bodies showed what a tax upon their -strength the load was. They were stevedores and doing full stevedores -work. They were very erect when unladden--from carrying heavy loads on -their heads--just like the Indian women. It gives them a proud fine -carriage. - -Sometimes one saw a woman carrying on her head a laden and top-heavy -basket the shape of an inverted pyramid-its top the size of a soup-plate, -its base the diameter of a teacup. It required nice balancing--and got -it. - -No bright colors; yet there were a good many Hindoos. - -The Second Class Passenger came over as usual at "lights out" (11) and we -lounged along the spacious vague solitudes of the deck and smoked the -peaceful pipe and talked. He told me an incident in Mr. Barnum's life -which was evidently characteristic of that great showman in several ways: - -This was Barnum's purchase of Shakespeare's birthplace, a quarter of a -century ago. The Second Class Passenger was in Jamrach's employ at the -time and knew Barnum well. He said the thing began in this way. One -morning Barnum and Jamrach were in Jamrach's little private snuggery back -of the wilderness of caged monkeys and snakes and other commonplaces of -Jamrach's stock in trade, refreshing themselves after an arduous stroke -of business, Jamrach with something orthodox, Barnum with something -heterodox--for Barnum was a teetotaler. The stroke of business was in -the elephant line. Jamrach had contracted to deliver to Barnum in New -York 18 elephants for $360,000 in time for the next season's opening. -Then it occurred to Mr. Barnum that he needed a "card" He suggested -Jumbo. Jamrach said he would have to think of something else--Jumbo -couldn't be had; the Zoo wouldn't part with that elephant. Barnum said -he was willing to pay a fortune for Jumbo if he could get him. Jamrach -said it was no use to think about it; that Jumbo was as popular as the -Prince of Wales and the Zoo wouldn't dare to sell him; all England would -be outraged at the idea; Jumbo was an English institution; he was part of -the national glory; one might as well think of buying the Nelson -monument. Barnum spoke up with vivacity and said: - -"It's a first-rate idea. I'll buy the Monument." - -Jamrach was speechless for a second. Then he said, like one ashamed -"You caught me. I was napping. For a moment I thought you were in -earnest." - -Barnum said pleasantly-- - -"I was in earnest. I know they won't sell it, but no matter, I will not -throw away a good idea for all that. All I want is a big advertisement. -I will keep the thing in mind, and if nothing better turns up I will -offer to buy it. That will answer every purpose. It will furnish me a -couple of columns of gratis advertising in every English and American -paper for a couple of months, and give my show the biggest boom a show -ever had in this world." - -Jamrach started to deliver a burst of admiration, but was interrupted by -Barnum, who said: - -"Here is a state of things! England ought to blush." - -His eye had fallen upon something in the newspaper. He read it through -to himself, then read it aloud. It said that the house that Shakespeare -was born in at Stratford-on-Avon was falling gradually to ruin through -neglect; that the room where the poet first saw the light was now serving -as a butcher's shop; that all appeals to England to contribute money (the -requisite sum stated) to buy and repair the house and place it in the -care of salaried and trustworthy keepers had fallen resultless. Then -Barnum said: - -"There's my chance. Let Jumbo and the Monument alone for the present- -they'll keep. I'll buy Shakespeare's house. I'll set it up in my Museum -in New York and put a glass case around it and make a sacred thing of it; -and you'll see all America flock there to worship; yes, and pilgrims from -the whole earth; and I'll make them take their hats off, too. In America -we know how to value anything that Shakespeare's touch has made holy. -You'll see." - -In conclusion the S. C. P. said: - -"That is the way the thing came about. Barnum did buy Shakespeare's -house. He paid the price asked, and received the properly attested -documents of sale. Then there was an explosion, I can tell you. England -rose! That, the birthplace of the master-genius of all the ages and all -the climes--that priceless possession of Britain--to be carted out of the -country like so much old lumber and set up for sixpenny desecration in a -Yankee show-shop--the idea was not to be tolerated for a moment. England -rose in her indignation; and Barnum was glad to relinquish his prize and -offer apologies. However, he stood out for a compromise; he claimed a -concession--England must let him have Jumbo. And England consented, but -not cheerfully." - -It shows how, by help of time, a story can grow--even after Barnum has -had the first innings in the telling of it. Mr. Barnum told me the story -himself, years ago. He said that the permission to buy Jumbo was not a -concession; the purchase was made and the animal delivered before the -public knew anything about it. Also, that the securing of Jumbo was all -the advertisement he needed. It produced many columns of newspaper talk, -free of cost, and he was satisfied. He said that if he had failed to get -Jumbo he would have caused his notion of buying the Nelson Monument to be -treacherously smuggled into print by some trusty friend, and after he had -gotten a few hundred pages of gratuitous advertising out of it, he would -have come out with a blundering, obtuse, but warm-hearted letter of -apology, and in a postscript to it would have naively proposed to let the -Monument go, and take Stonehenge in place of it at the same price. - -It was his opinion that such a letter, written with well-simulated -asinine innocence and gush would have gotten his ignorance and stupidity -an amount of newspaper abuse worth six fortunes to him, and not -purchasable for twice the money. - -I knew Mr. Barnum well, and I placed every confidence in the account -which he gave me of the Shakespeare birthplace episode. He said he found -the house neglected and going-to decay, and he inquired into the matter -and was told that many times earnest efforts had been made to raise money -for its proper repair and preservation, but without success. He then -proposed to buy it. The proposition was entertained, and a price named-- -$50,000, I think; but whatever it was, Barnum paid the money down, -without remark, and the papers were drawn up and executed. He said that -it had been his purpose to set up the house in his Museum, keep it in -repair, protect it from name-scribblers and other desecrators, and leave -it by bequest to the safe and perpetual guardianship of the Smithsonian -Institute at Washington. - -But as soon as it was found that Shakespeare's house had passed into -foreign hands and was going to be carried across the ocean, England was -stirred as no appeal from the custodians of the relic had ever stirred -England before, and protests came flowing in--and money, too, to stop the -outrage. Offers of repurchase were made--offers of double the money that -Mr. Barnum had paid for the house. He handed the house back, but took -only the sum which it had cost him--but on the condition that an -endowment sufficient for the future safeguarding and maintenance of the -sacred relic should be raised. This condition was fulfilled. - -That was Barnum's account of the episode; and to the end of his days he -claimed with pride and satisfaction that not England, but America-- -represented by him--saved the birthplace of Shakespeare from destruction. - -At 3 P.M., May 6th, the ship slowed down, off the land, and thoughtfully -and cautiously picked her way into the snug harbor of Durban, South -Africa. - - - - -CHAPTER LXV. - -In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the -moralities. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -FROM DIARY: - -Royal Hotel. Comfortable, good table, good service of natives and -Madrasis. Curious jumble of modern and ancient city and village, -primitiveness and the other thing. Electric bells, but they don't ring. -Asked why they didn't, the watchman in the office said he thought they -must be out of order; he thought so because some of them rang, but most -of them didn't. Wouldn't it be a good idea to put them in order? He -hesitated--like one who isn't quite sure--then conceded the point. - -May 7. A bang on the door at 6. Did I want my boots cleaned? Fifteen -minutes later another bang. Did we want coffee? Fifteen later, bang -again, my wife's bath ready; 15 later, my bath ready. Two other bangs; -I forget what they were about. Then lots of shouting back and forth, -among the servants just as in an Indian hotel. - -Evening. At 4 P.M. it was unpleasantly warm. Half-hour after sunset -one needed a spring overcoat; by 8 a winter one. - -Durban is a neat and clean town. One notices that without having his -attention called to it. - -Rickshaws drawn by splendidly built black Zulus, so overflowing with -strength, seemingly, that it is a pleasure, not a pain, to see them -snatch a rickshaw along. They smile and laugh and show their teeth--a -good-natured lot. Not allowed to drink; 2s per hour for one person; 3s -for two; 3d for a course--one person. - -The chameleon in the hotel court. He is fat and indolent and -contemplative; but is business-like and capable when a fly comes about- -reaches out a tongue like a teaspoon and takes him in. He gums his -tongue first. He is always pious, in his looks. And pious and thankful -both, when Providence or one of us sends him a fly. He has a froggy -head, and a back like a new grave--for shape; and hands like a bird's -toes that have been frostbitten. But his eyes are his exhibition -feature. A couple of skinny cones project from the sides of his head, -with a wee shiny bead of an eye set in the apex of each; and these cones -turn bodily like pivot-guns and point every-which-way, and they are -independent of each other; each has its own exclusive machinery. When I -am behind him and C. in front of him, he whirls one eye rearwards and the -other forwards--which gives him a most Congressional expression (one eye -on the constituency and one on the swag); and then if something happens -above and below him he shoots out one eye upward like a telescope and the -other downward--and this changes his expression, but does not improve it. - -Natives must not be out after the curfew bell without a pass. In Natal -there are ten blacks to one white. - -Sturdy plump creatures are the women. They comb their wool up to a peak -and keep it in position by stiffening it with brown-red clay--half of -this tower colored, denotes engagement; the whole of it colored denotes -marriage. - -None but heathen Zulus on the police; Christian ones not allowed. - -May 9. A drive yesterday with friends over the Berea. Very fine roads -and lofty, overlooking the whole town, the harbor, and the sea-beautiful -views. Residences all along, set in the midst of green lawns with shrubs -and generally one or two intensely red outbursts of poinsettia--the -flaming splotch of blinding red a stunning contrast with the world of -surrounding green. The cactus tree--candelabrum-like; and one twisted -like gray writhing serpents. The "flat-crown" (should be flat-roof)-- -half a dozen naked branches full of elbows, slant upward like artificial -supports, and fling a roof of delicate foliage out in a horizontal -platform as flat as a floor; and you look up through this thin floor as -through a green cobweb or veil. The branches are japanesich. All about -you is a bewildering variety of unfamiliar and beautiful trees; one sort -wonderfully dense foliage and very dark green--so dark that you notice it -at once, notwithstanding there are so many orange trees. The -"flamboyant"--not in flower, now, but when in flower lives up to its -name, we are told. Another tree with a lovely upright tassel scattered -among its rich greenery, red and glowing as a firecoal. Here and there a -gum-tree; half a dozen lofty Norfolk Island pines lifting their fronded -arms skyward. Groups of tall bamboo. - -Saw one bird. Not many birds here, and they have no music--and the -flowers not much smell, they grow so fast. - -Everything neat and trim and clean like the town. The loveliest trees -and the greatest variety I have ever seen anywhere, except approaching -Darjeeling. Have not heard anyone call Natal the garden of South Africa, -but that is what it probably is. - -It was when Bishop of Natal that Colenso raised such a storm in the -religious world. The concerns of religion are a vital matter here yet. -A vigilant eye is kept upon Sunday. Museums and other dangerous resorts -are not allowed to be open. You may sail on the Bay, but it is wicked to -play cricket. For a while a Sunday concert was tolerated, upon condition -that it must be admission free and the money taken by collection. But -the collection was alarmingly large and that stopped the matter. They -are particular about babies. A clergyman would not bury a child -according to the sacred rites because it had not been baptized. The -Hindoo is more liberal. He burns no child under three, holding that it -does not need purifying. - -The King of the Zulus, a fine fellow of 30, was banished six years ago -for a term of seven years. He is occupying Napoleon's old stand--St. -Helena. The people are a little nervous about having him come back, and -they may well be, for Zulu kings have been terrible people sometimes-- -like Tchaka, Dingaan, and Cetewayo. - -There is a large Trappist monastery two hours from Durban, over the -country roads, and in company with Mr. Milligan and Mr. Hunter, general -manager of the Natal government railways, who knew the heads of it, we -went out to see it. - -There it all was, just as one reads about it in books and cannot believe -that it is so--I mean the rough, hard work, the impossible hours, the -scanty food, the coarse raiment, the Maryborough beds, the tabu of human -speech, of social intercourse, of relaxation, of amusement, of -entertainment, of the presence of woman in the men's establishment. -There it all was. It was not a dream, it was not a lie. And yet with -the fact before one's face it was still incredible. It is such a -sweeping suppression of human instincts, such an extinction of the man as -an individual. - -La Trappe must have known the human race well. The scheme which he -invented hunts out everything that a man wants and values--and withholds -it from him. Apparently there is no detail that can help make life worth -living that has not been carefully ascertained and placed out of the -Trappist's reach. La Trappe must have known that there were men who -would enjoy this kind of misery, but how did he find it out? - -If he had consulted you or me he would have been told that his scheme -lacked too many attractions; that it was impossible; that it could never -be floated. But there in the monastery was proof that he knew the human -race better than it knew itself. He set his foot upon every desire that -a man has--yet he floated his project, and it has prospered for two -hundred years, and will go on prospering forever, no doubt. - -Man likes personal distinction--there in the monastery it is obliterated. -He likes delicious food--there he gets beans and bread and tea, and not -enough of it. He likes to lie softly--there he lies on a sand mattress, -and has a pillow and a blanket, but no sheet. When he is dining, in a -great company of friends, he likes to laugh and chat--there a monk reads -a holy book aloud during meals, and nobody speaks or laughs. When a man -has a hundred friends about him, evenings, be likes to have a good time -and run late--there he and the rest go silently to bed at 8; and in the -dark, too; there is but a loose brown robe to discard, there are no -night-clothes to put on, a light is not needed. Man likes to lie abed -late there he gets up once or twice in the night to perform some -religious office, and gets up finally for the day at two in the morning. -Man likes light work or none at all--there he labors all day in the -field, or in the blacksmith shop or the other shops devoted to the -mechanical trades, such as shoemaking, saddlery, carpentry, and so on. -Man likes the society of girls and women--there he never has it. He -likes to have his children about him, and pet them and play with them-- -there he has none. He likes billiards--there is no table there. He -likes outdoor sports and indoor dramatic and musical and social -entertainments--there are none there. He likes to bet on things--I was -told that betting is forbidden there. When a man's temper is up he likes -to pour it out upon somebody there this is not allowed. A man likes -animals--pets; there are none there. He likes to smoke--there he cannot -do it. He likes to read the news--no papers or magazines come there. A -man likes to know how his parents and brothers and sisters are getting -along when he is away, and if they miss him--there he cannot know. A man -likes a pretty house, and pretty furniture, and pretty things, and pretty -colors--there he has nothing but naked aridity and sombre colors. A man -likes--name it yourself: whatever it is, it is absent from that place. - ->From what I could learn, all that a man gets for this is merely the -saving of his soul. - -It all seems strange, incredible, impossible. But La Trappe knew the -race. He knew the powerful attraction of unattractiveness; he knew that -no life could be imagined, howsoever comfortless and forbidding, but -somebody would want to try it. - -This parent establishment of Germans began its work fifteen years ago, -strangers, poor, and unencouraged; it owns 15,000 acres of land now, and -raises grain and fruit, and makes wines, and manufactures all manner of -things, and has native apprentices in its shops, and sends them forth -able to read and write, and also well equipped to earn their living by -their trades. And this young establishment has set up eleven branches in -South Africa, and in them they are christianizing and educating and -teaching wage-yielding mechanical trades to 1,200 boys and girls. -Protestant Missionary work is coldly regarded by the commercial white -colonist all over the heathen world, as a rule, and its product is -nicknamed "rice-Christians" (occupationless incapables who join the -church for revenue only), but I think it would be difficult to pick a -flaw in the work of these Catholic monks, and I believe that the -disposition to attempt it has not shown itself. - -Tuesday, May 12. Transvaal politics in a confused condition. First the -sentencing of the Johannesburg Reformers startled England by its -severity; on the top of this came Kruger's exposure of the cipher -correspondence, which showed that the invasion of the Transvaal, with the -design of seizing that country and adding it to the British Empire, was -planned by Cecil Rhodes and Beit--which made a revulsion in English -feeling, and brought out a storm against Rhodes and the Chartered Company -for degrading British honor. For a good while I couldn't seem to get at -a clear comprehension of it, it was so tangled. But at last by patient -study I have managed it, I believe. As I understand it, the Uitlanders -and other Dutchmen were dissatisfied because the English would not allow -them to take any part in the government except to pay taxes. Next, as I -understand it, Dr. Kruger and Dr. Jameson, not having been able to make -the medical business pay, made a raid into Matabeleland with the -intention of capturing the capital, Johannesburg, and holding the women -and children to ransom until the Uitlanders and the other Boers should -grant to them and the Chartered Company the political rights which had -been withheld from them. They would have succeeded in this great scheme, -as I understand it, but for the interference of Cecil Rhodes and Mr. -Beit, and other Chiefs of the Matabele, who persuaded their countrymen to -revolt and throw off their allegiance to Germany. This, in turn, as I -understand it, provoked the King of Abyssinia to destroy the Italian army -and fall back upon Johannesburg; this at the instigation of Rhodes, to -bull the stock market. - - - - -CHAPTER LXVI. - -Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -When I scribbled in my note-book a year ago the paragraph which ends the -preceding chapter, it was meant to indicate, in an extravagant form, two -things: the conflicting nature of the information conveyed by the citizen -to the stranger concerning South African politics, and the resulting -confusion created in the stranger's mind thereby. - -But it does not seem so very extravagant now. Nothing could in that -disturbed and excited time make South African politics clear or quite -rational to the citizen of the country because his personal interest and -his political prejudices were in his way; and nothing could make those -politics clear or rational to the stranger, the sources of his -information being such as they were. - -I was in South Africa some little time. When I arrived there the -political pot was boiling fiercely. Four months previously, Jameson had -plunged over the Transvaal border with about 600 armed horsemen at his -back, to go to the "relief of the women and children" of Johannesburg; on -the fourth day of his march the Boers had defeated him in battle, and -carried him and his men to Pretoria, the capital, as prisoners; the Boer -government had turned Jameson and his officers over to the British -government for trial, and shipped them to England; next, it had arrested -64 important citizens of Johannesburg as raid-conspirators, condemned -their four leaders to death, then commuted the sentences, and now the 64 -were waiting, in jail, for further results. Before midsummer they were -all out excepting two, who refused to sign the petitions for release; 58 -had been fined $10,000 each and enlarged, and the four leaders had gotten -off with fines of $125,000 each with permanent exile added, in one case. - -Those were wonderfully interesting days for a stranger, and I was glad. -to be in the thick of the excitement. Everybody was talking, and I -expected to understand the whole of one side of it in a very little -while. - -I was disappointed. There were singularities, perplexities, -unaccountabilities about it which I was not able to master. I had no -personal access to Boers--their side was a secret to me, aside from what -I was able to gather of it from published statements. My sympathies were -soon with the Reformers in the Pretoria jail, with their friends, and -with their cause. By diligent inquiry in Johannesburg I found out-- -apparently--all the details of their side of the quarrel except one--what -they expected to accomplish by an armed rising. - -Nobody seemed to know. - -The reason why the Reformers were discontented and wanted some changes -made, seemed quite clear. In Johannesburg it was claimed that the -Uitlanders (strangers, foreigners) paid thirteen-fifteenths of the -Transvaal taxes, yet got little or nothing for it. Their city had no -charter; it had no municipal government; it could levy no taxes for -drainage, water-supply, paving, cleaning, sanitation, policing. There -was a police force, but it was composed of Boers, it was furnished by the -State Government, and the city had no control over it. Mining was very -costly; the government enormously increased the cost by putting -burdensome taxes upon the mines, the output, the machinery, the -buildings; by burdensome imposts upon incoming materials; by burdensome -railway-freight-charges. Hardest of all to bear, the government reserved -to itself a monopoly in that essential thing, dynamite, and burdened it -with an extravagant price. The detested Hollander from over the water -held all the public offices. The government was rank with corruption. -The Uitlander had no vote, and must live in the State ten or twelve years -before he could get one. He was not represented in the Raad -(legislature) that oppressed him and fleeced him. Religion was not free. -There were no schools where the teaching was in English, yet the great -majority of the white population of the State knew no tongue but that. -The State would not pass a liquor law; but allowed a great trade in cheap -vile brandy among the blacks, with the result that 25 per cent. of the -50,000 blacks employed in the mines were usually drunk and incapable of -working. - -There--it was plain enough that the reasons for wanting some changes made -were abundant and reasonable, if this statement of the existing -grievances was correct. - -What the Uitlanders wanted was reform--under the existing Republic. - -What they proposed to do was to secure these reforms by, prayer, -petition, and persuasion. - -They did petition. Also, they issued a Manifesto, whose very first note -is a bugle-blast of loyalty: "We want the establishment of this Republic -as a true Republic." - -Could anything be clearer than the Uitlander's statement of the -grievances and oppressions under which they were suffering? Could -anything be more legal and citizen-like and law-respecting than their -attitude as expressed by their Manifesto? No. Those things were -perfectly clear, perfectly comprehensible. - -But at this point the puzzles and riddles and confusions begin to flock -in. You have arrived at a place which you cannot quite understand. - -For you find that as a preparation for this loyal, lawful, and in every -way unexceptionable attempt to persuade the government to right their -grievances, the Uitlanders had smuggled a Maxim gun or two and 1,500 -muskets into the town, concealed in oil tanks and coal cars, and had -begun to form and drill military companies composed of clerks, merchants, -and citizens generally. - -What was their idea? Did they suppose that the Boers would attack them -for petitioning, for redress? That could not be. - -Did they suppose that the Boers would attack them even for issuing a -Manifesto demanding relief under the existing government? - -Yes, they apparently believed so, because the air was full of talk of -forcing the government to grant redress if it were not granted -peacefully. - -The Reformers were men of high intelligence. If they were in earnest, -they were taking extraordinary risks. They had enormously valuable -properties to defend; their town was full of women and children; their -mines and compounds were packed with thousands upon thousands of sturdy -blacks. If the Boers attacked, the mines would close, the blacks would -swarm out and get drunk; riot and conflagration and the Boers together -might lose the Reformers more in a day, in money, blood, and suffering, -than the desired political relief could compensate in ten years if they -won the fight and secured the reforms. - -It is May, 1897, now; a year has gone by, and the confusions of that day -have been to a considerable degree cleared away. Mr. Cecil Rhodes, Dr. -Jameson, and others responsible for the Raid, have testified before the -Parliamentary Committee of Inquiry in London, and so have Mr. Lionel -Phillips and other Johannesburg Reformers, monthly-nurses of the -Revolution which was born dead. These testimonies have thrown light. -Three books have added much to this light: - -"South Africa As It Is," by Mr. Statham, an able writer partial to the -Boers; "The Story of an African Crisis," by Mr. Garrett, a brilliant -writer partial to Rhodes; and "A Woman's Part in a Revolution," by Mrs. -John Hays Hammond, a vigorous and vivid diarist, partial to the -Reformers. By liquifying the evidence of the prejudiced books and of the -prejudiced parliamentary witnesses and stirring the whole together and -pouring it into my own (prejudiced) moulds, I have got at the truth of -that puzzling South African situation, which is this: - -1. The capitalists and other chief men of Johannesburg were fretting -under various political and financial burdens imposed by the State (the -South African Republic, sometimes called "the Transvaal") and desired to -procure by peaceful means a modification of the laws. - -2. Mr. Cecil Rhodes, Premier of the British Cape Colony, millionaire, -creator and managing director of the territorially-immense and -financially unproductive South Africa Company; projector of vast schemes -for the unification and consolidation of all the South African States, -one imposing commonwealth or empire under the shadow and general -protection of the British flag, thought he saw an opportunity to make -profitable use of the Uitlander discontent above mentioned--make the -Johannesburg cat help pull out one of his consolidation chestnuts for -him. With this view he set himself the task of warming the lawful and -legitimate petitions and supplications of the Uitlanders into seditious -talk, and their frettings into threatenings--the final outcome to be -revolt and armed rebellion. If he could bring about a bloody collision -between those people and the Boer government, Great Britain would have to -interfere; her interference would be resisted by the Boers; she would -chastise them and add the Transvaal to her South African possessions. It -was not a foolish idea, but a rational and practical one. - -After a couple of years of judicious plotting, Mr. Rhodes had his reward; -the revolutionary kettle was briskly boiling in Johannesburg, and the -Uitlander leaders were backing their appeals to the government--now -hardened into demands--by threats of force and bloodshed. By the middle -of December, 1895, the explosion seemed imminent. Mr. Rhodes was -diligently helping, from his distant post in Cape Town. He was helping -to procure arms for Johannesburg; he was also arranging to have Jameson -break over the border and come to Johannesburg with 600 mounted men at -his back. Jameson--as per instructions from Rhodes, perhaps--wanted a -letter from the Reformers requesting him to come to their aid. It was a -good idea. It would throw a considerable share of the responsibility of -his invasion upon the Reformers. He got the letter--that famous one -urging him to fly to the rescue of the women and children. He got it two -months before he flew. The Reformers seem to have thought it over and -concluded that they had not done wisely; for the next day after giving -Jameson the implicating document they wanted to withdraw it and leave the -women and children in danger; but they were told that it was too late. -The original had gone to Mr. Rhodes at the Cape. Jameson had kept a -copy, though. - ->From that time until the 29th of December, a good deal of the Reformers' -time was taken up with energetic efforts to keep Jameson from coming to -their assistance. Jameson's invasion had been set for the 26th. The -Reformers were not ready. The town was not united. Some wanted a fight, -some wanted peace; some wanted a new government, some wanted the existing -one reformed; apparently very few wanted the revolution to take place in -the interest and under the ultimate shelter of the Imperial flag-- -British; yet a report began to spread that Mr. Rhodes's embarrassing -assistance had for its end this latter object. - -Jameson was away up on the frontier tugging at his leash, fretting to -burst over the border. By hard work the Reformers got his starting-date -postponed a little, and wanted to get it postponed eleven days. -Apparently, Rhodes's agents were seconding their efforts--in fact wearing -out the telegraph wires trying to hold him back. Rhodes was himself the -only man who could have effectively postponed Jameson, but that would -have been a disadvantage to his scheme; indeed, it could spoil his whole -two years' work. - -Jameson endured postponement three days, then resolved to wait no longer. -Without any orders--excepting Mr. Rhodes's significant silence--he cut -the telegraph wires on the 29th, and made his plunge that night, to go to -the rescue of the women and children, by urgent request of a letter now -nine days old--as per date,--a couple of months old, in fact. He read -the letter to his men, and it affected them. It did not affect all of -them alike. Some saw in it a piece of piracy of doubtful wisdom, and -were sorry to find that they had been assembled to violate friendly -territory instead of to raid native kraals, as they had supposed. - -Jameson would have to ride 150 miles. He knew that there were suspicions -abroad in the Transvaal concerning him, but he expected to get through to -Johannesburg before they should become general and obstructive. But a -telegraph wire had been overlooked and not cut. It spread the news of -his invasion far and wide, and a few hours after his start the Boer -farmers were riding hard from every direction to intercept him. - -As soon as it was known in Johannesburg that he was on his way to rescue -the women and children, the grateful people put the women and children in -a train and rushed them for Australia. In fact, the approach of -Johannesburg's saviour created panic and consternation; there, and a -multitude of males of peaceable disposition swept to the trains like a -sand-storm. The early ones fared best; they secured seats--by sitting in -them--eight hours before the first train was timed to leave. - -Mr. Rhodes lost no time. He cabled the renowned Johannesburg letter of -invitation to the London press--the gray-headedest piece of ancient -history that ever went over a cable. - -The new poet laureate lost no time. He came out with a rousing poem -lauding Jameson's prompt and splendid heroism in flying to the rescue of -the women and children; for the poet could not know that he did not fly -until two months after the invitation. He was deceived by the false date -of the letter, which was December 20th. - -Jameson was intercepted by the Boers on New Year's Day, and on the next -day he surrendered. He had carried his copy of the letter along, and if -his instructions required him--in case of emergency--to see that it fell -into the hands of the Boers, he loyally carried them out. Mrs. Hammond -gives him a sharp rap for his supposed carelessness, and emphasizes her -feeling about it with burning italics: "It was picked up on the battle- -field in a leathern pouch, supposed to be Dr. Jameson's saddle-bag. Why, -in the name of all that is discreet and honorable, didn't he eat it!" - -She requires too much. He was not in the service of the Reformers-- -excepting ostensibly; he was in the service of Mr. Rhodes. It was the -only plain English document, undarkened by ciphers and mysteries, and -responsibly signed and authenticated, which squarely implicated the -Reformers in the raid, and it was not to Mr. Rhodes's interest that it -should be eaten. Besides, that letter was not the original, it was only -a copy. Mr. Rhodes had the original--and didn't eat it. He cabled it to -the London press. It had already been read in England and America and -all over Europe before, Jameson dropped it on the battlefield. If the -subordinate's knuckles deserved a rap, the principal's deserved as many -as a couple of them. - -That letter is a juicily dramatic incident and is entitled to all its -celebrity, because of the odd and variegated effects which it produced. -All within the space of a single week it had made Jameson an illustrious -hero in England, a pirate in Pretoria, and an ass without discretion or -honor in Johannesburg; also it had produced a poet-laureatic explosion of -colored fireworks which filled the world's sky with giddy splendors, and, -the knowledge that Jameson was coming with it to rescue the women and -children emptied Johannesburg of that detail of the population. For an -old letter, this was much. For a letter two months old, it did marvels; -if it had been a year old it would have done miracles. - - - - -CHAPTER LXVII. - -First catch your Boer, then kick him. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson"s New Calendar. - -Those latter days were days of bitter worry and trouble for the harassed -Reformers. - ->From Mrs. Hammond we learn that on the 31st (the day after Johannesburg -heard of the invasion), "The Reform Committee repudiates Dr. Jameson's -inroad." - -It also publishes its intention to adhere to the Manifesto. - -It also earnestly desires that the inhabitants shall refrain from overt -acts against the Boer government. - -It also "distributes arms" at the Court House, and furnishes horses "to -the newly-enrolled volunteers." - -It also brings a Transvaal flag into the committee-room, and the entire -body swear allegiance to it "with uncovered heads and upraised arms." - -Also "one thousand Lee-Metford rifles have been given out"--to rebels. - -Also, in a speech, Reformer Lionel Phillips informs the public that the -Reform Committee Delegation has "been received with courtesy by the -Government Commission," and "been assured that their proposals shall be -earnestly considered." That "while the Reform Committee regretted -Jameson's precipitate action, they would stand by him." - -Also the populace are in a state of "wild enthusiasm," and 46 can -scarcely be restrained; they want to go out to meet Jameson and bring him -in with triumphal outcry." - -Also the British High Commissioner has issued a damnifying proclamation -against Jameson and all British abettors of his game. It arrives January -1st. - -It is a difficult position for the Reformers, and full of hindrances and -perplexities. Their duty is hard, but plain: - -1. They have to repudiate the inroad, and stand by the inroader. - -2. They have to swear allegiance to the Boer government, and distribute -cavalry horses to the rebels. - -3. They have to forbid overt acts against the Boer government, and -distribute arms to its enemies. - -4. They have to avoid collision with the British government, but still -stand by Jameson and their new oath of allegiance to the Boer government, -taken, uncovered, in presence of its flag. - -They did such of these things as they could; they tried to do them all; -in fact, did do them all, but only in turn, not simultaneously. In the -nature of things they could not be made to simultane. - -In preparing for armed revolution and in talking revolution, were the -Reformers "bluffing," or were they in earnest? If they were in earnest, -they were taking great risks--as has been already pointed out. A -gentleman of high position told me in Johannesburg that he had in his -possession a printed document proclaiming a new government and naming its -president--one of the Reform leaders. He said that this proclamation had -been ready for issue, but was suppressed when the raid collapsed. -Perhaps I misunderstood him. Indeed, I must have misunderstood him, for -I have not seen mention of this large incident in print anywhere. - -Besides, I hope I am mistaken; for, if I am, then there is argument that -the Reformers were privately not serious, but were only trying to scare -the Boer government into granting the desired reforms. - -The Boer government was scared, and it had a right to be. For if Mr. -Rhodes's plan was to provoke a collision that would compel the -interference of England, that was a serious matter. If it could be shown -that that was also the Reformers' plan and purpose, it would prove that -they had marked out a feasible project, at any rate, although it was one -which could hardly fail to cost them ruinously before England should -arrive. But it seems clear that they had no such plan nor desire. If, -when the worst should come to the worst, they meant to overthrow the -government, they also meant to inherit the assets themselves, no doubt. - -This scheme could hardly have succeeded. With an army of Boers at their -gates and 50,000 riotous blacks in their midst, the odds against success -would have been too heavy--even if the whole town had been armed. With -only 2,500 rifles in the place, they stood really no chance. - -To me, the military problems of the situation are of more interest than -the political ones, because by disposition I have always been especially -fond of war. No, I mean fond of discussing war; and fond of giving -military advice. If I had been with Jameson the morning after he -started, I should have advised him to turn back. That was Monday; it was -then that he received his first warning from a Boer source not to violate -the friendly soil of the Transvaal. It showed that his invasion was -known. If I had been with him on Tuesday morning and afternoon, when he -received further warnings, I should have repeated my advice. If I had -been with him the next morning--New Year's--when he received notice that -"a few hundred" Boers were waiting for him a few miles ahead, I should -not have advised, but commanded him to go back. And if I had been with -him two or three hours later--a thing not conceivable to me--I should -have retired him by force; for at that time he learned that the few -hundred had now grown to 800; and that meant that the growing would go on -growing. - -For,--by authority of Mr. Garrett, one knows that Jameson's 600 were only -530 at most, when you count out his native drivers, etc.; and that the -530 consisted largely of "green" youths, "raw young fellows," not trained -and war-worn British soldiers; and I would have told. Jameson that those -lads would not be able to shoot effectively from horseback in the scamper -and racket of battle, and that there would not be anything for them to -shoot at, anyway, but rocks; for the Boers would be behind the rocks, not -out in the open. I would have told him that 300 Boer sharpshooters -behind rocks would be an overmatch for his 500 raw young fellows on -horseback. - -If pluck were the only thing essential to battle-winning, the English -would lose no battles. But discretion, as well as pluck, is required -when one fights Boers and Red Indians. In South Africa the Briton has -always insisted upon standing bravely up, unsheltered, before the hidden -Boer, and taking the results: Jameson's men would follow the custom. -Jameson would not have listened to me--he would have been intent upon -repeating history, according to precedent. Americans are not acquainted -with the British-Boer war of 1881; but its history is interesting, and -could have been instructive to Jameson if he had been receptive. I will -cull some details of it from trustworthy sources mainly from "Russell's -Natal." Mr. Russell is not a Boer, but a Briton. He is inspector of -schools, and his history is a text-book whose purpose is the instruction -of the Natal English youth. - -After the seizure of the Transvaal and the suppression of the Boer -government by England in 1877, the Boers fretted for three years, and -made several appeals to England for a restoration of their liberties, but -without result. Then they gathered themselves together in a great mass- -meeting at Krugersdorp, talked their troubles over, and resolved to fight -for their deliverance from the British yoke. (Krugersdorp--the place -where the Boers interrupted the Jameson raid.) The little handful of -farmers rose against the strongest empire in the world. They proclaimed -martial law and the re-establishment of their Republic. They organized -their forces and sent them forward to intercept the British battalions. -This, although Sir Garnet Wolseley had but lately made proclamation that -"so long as the sun shone in the heavens," the Transvaal would be and -remain English territory. And also in spite of the fact that the -commander of the 94th regiment--already on the march to suppress this -rebellion--had been heard to say that "the Boers would turn tail at the -first beat of the big drum." --["South Africa As It Is," by F. Reginald -Statham, page 82. London: T. Fisher Unwin, 1897.] - -Four days after the flag-raising, the Boer force which had been sent -forward to forbid the invasion of the English troops met them at -Bronkhorst Spruit--246 men of the 94th regiment, in command of a colonel, -the big drum beating, the band playing--and the first battle was fought. -It lasted ten minutes. Result: - - British loss, more than 150 officers and men, out of the 246. - Surrender of the remnant. - - Boer loss--if any--not stated. - -They are fine marksmen, the Boers. From the cradle up, they live on -horseback and hunt wild animals with the rifle. They have a passion for -liberty and the Bible, and care for nothing else. - -"General Sir George Colley, Lieutenant-Governor and Commander-in-Chief in -Natal, felt it his duty to proceed at once to the relief of the loyalists -and soldiers beleaguered in the different towns of the Transvaal." He -moved out with 1,000 men and some artillery. He found the Boers encamped -in a strong and sheltered position on high ground at Laing's Nek--every -Boer behind a rock. Early in the morning of the 28th January, 1881, he -moved to the attack "with the 58th regiment, commanded by Colonel Deane, -a mounted squadron of 70 men, the 60th Rifles, the Naval Brigade with -three rocket tubes, and the Artillery with six guns." He shelled the -Boers for twenty minutes, then the assault was delivered, the 58th -marching up the slope in solid column. The battle was soon finished, -with this result, according to Russell-- - - British loss in killed and wounded, 174. - - Boer loss, "trifling." - -Colonel Deane was killed, and apparently every officer above the grade of -lieutenant was killed or wounded, for the 58th retreated to its camp in -command of a lieutenant. ("Africa as It Is.") - -That ended the second battle. - -On the 7th of February General Colley discovered that the Boers were -flanking his position. The next morning he left his camp at Mount -Pleasant and marched out and crossed the Ingogo river with 270 men, -started up the Ingogo heights, and there fought a battle which lasted -from noon till nightfall. He then retreated, leaving his wounded with -his military chaplain, and in recrossing the now swollen river lost some -of his men by drowning. That was the third Boer victory. Result, -according to Mr. Russell-- - - British loss 150 out of 270 engaged. - - Boer loss, 8 killed, 9 wounded--17. - -There was a season of quiet, now, but at the end of about three weeks Sir -George Colley conceived the idea of climbing, with an infantry and -artillery force, the steep and rugged mountain of Amajuba in the night--a -bitter hard task, but he accomplished it. On the way he left about 200 -men to guard a strategic point, and took about 400 up the mountain with -him. When the sun rose in the morning, there was an unpleasant surprise -for the Boers; yonder were the English troops visible on top of the -mountain two or three miles away, and now their own position was at the -mercy of the English artillery. The Boer chief resolved to retreat--up -that mountain. He asked for volunteers, and got them. - -The storming party crossed the swale and began to creep up the steeps, -"and from behind rocks and bushes they shot at the soldiers on the -skyline as if they were stalking deer," says Mr. Russell. There was -"continuous musketry fire, steady and fatal on the one side, wild and -ineffectual on the other." The Boers reached the top, and began to put in -their ruinous work. Presently the British "broke and fled for their -lives down the rugged steep." The Boers had won the battle. Result in -killed and wounded, including among the killed the British General: - - British loss, 226, out of 400 engaged. - - Boer loss, 1 killed, 5 wounded. - -That ended the war. England listened to reason, and recognized the Boer -Republic--a government which has never been in any really awful danger -since, until Jameson started after it with his 500 "raw young fellows." -To recapitulate: - -The Boer farmers and British soldiers fought 4 battles, and the Boers won -them all. Result of the 4, in killed and wounded: - - British loss, 700 men. - - Boer loss, so far as known, 23 men. - -It is interesting, now, to note how loyally Jameson and his several -trained British military officers tried to make their battles conform to -precedent. Mr. Garrett's account of the Raid is much the best one I have -met with, and my impressions of the Raid are drawn from that. - -When Jameson learned that near Krugersdorp he would find 800 Boers -waiting to dispute his passage, he was not in the least disturbed. He -was feeling as he had felt two or three days before, when he had opened -his campaign with a historic remark to the same purport as the one with -which the commander of the 94th had opened the Boer-British war of -fourteen years before. That Commander's remark was, that the Boers -"would turn tail at the first beat of the big drum." Jameson's was, that -with his "raw young fellows" he could kick the (persons) of the Boers -"all round the Transvaal." He was keeping close to historic precedent. - -Jameson arrived in the presence of the Boers. They--according to -precedent--were not visible. It was a country of ridges, depressions, -rocks, ditches, moraines of mining-tailings--not even as favorable for -cavalry work as Laing's Nek had been in the former disastrous days. -Jameson shot at the ridges and rocks with his artillery, just as General -Colley had done at the Nek; and did them no damage and persuaded no Boer -to show himself. Then about a hundred of his men formed up to charge the -ridge-according to the 58th's precedent at the Nek; but as they dashed -forward they opened out in a long line, which was a considerable -improvement on the 58th's tactics; when they had gotten to within 200 -yards of the ridge the concealed Boers opened out on them and emptied 20 -saddles. The unwounded dismounted and fired at the rocks over the backs -of their horses; but the return-fire was too hot, and they mounted again, -"and galloped back or crawled away into a clump of reeds for cover, where -they were shortly afterward taken prisoners as they lay among the reeds. -Some thirty prisoners were so taken, and during the night which followed -the Boers carried away another thirty killed and wounded--the wounded to -Krugersdorp hospital. "Sixty per cent. of the assaulted force disposed -of--according to Mr. Garrett's estimate. - -It was according to Amajuba precedent, where the British loss was 226 out -of about 400 engaged. - -Also, in Jameson's camp, that night, "there lay about 30 wounded or -otherwise disabled" men. Also during the night "some 30 or 40 young -fellows got separated from the command and straggled through into -Johannesburg." Altogether a possible 150 men gone, out of his 530. His -lads had fought valorously, but had not been able to get near enough to a -Boer to kick him around the Transvaal. - -At dawn the next morning the column of something short of 400 whites -resumed its march. Jameson's grit was stubbornly good; indeed, it was -always that. He still had hopes. There was a long and tedious -zigzagging march through broken ground, with constant harassment from the -Boers; and at last the column "walked into a sort of trap," and the Boers -"closed in upon it." "Men and horses dropped on all sides. In the -column the feeling grew that unless it could burst through the Boer lines -at this point it was done for. The Maxims were fired until they grew too -hot, and, water failing for the cool jacket, five of them jammed and went -out of action. The 7-pounder was fired until only half an hour's -ammunition was left to fire with. One last rush was made, and failed, -and then the Staats Artillery came up on the left flank, and the game was -up." - -Jameson hoisted a white flag and surrendered. - -There is a story, which may not be true, about an ignorant Boer farmer -there who thought that this white flag was the national flag of England. -He had been at Bronkhorst, and Laing's Nek, and Ingogo and Amajuba, and -supposed that the English did not run up their flag excepting at the end -of a fight. - -The following is (as I understand it) Mr. Garrett's estimate of Jameson's -total loss in killed and wounded for the two days: - -"When they gave in they were minus some 20 per cent. of combatants. -There were 76 casualties. There were 30 men hurt or sick in the wagons. -There were 27 killed on the spot or mortally wounded." - -Total, 133, out of the original 530. It is just 25 per cent. --[However, -I judge that the total was really 150; for the number of wounded carried -to Krugersdorp hospital was 53; not 30, as Mr. Garrett reports it. The -lady whose guest I was in Krugerdorp gave me the figures. She was head -nurse from the beginning of hostilities (Jan. 1) until the professional -nurses arrived, Jan. 8th. Of the 53, "Three or four were Boers"; I quote -her words.]-- This is a large improvement upon the precedents established -at Bronkhorst, Laing's Nek, Ingogo, and Amajuba, and seems to indicate -that Boer marksmanship is not so good now as it was in those days. But -there is one detail in which the Raid-episode exactly repeats history. -By surrender at Bronkhorst, the whole British force disappeared from the -theater of war; this was the case with Jameson's force. - -In the Boer loss, also, historical precedent is followed with sufficient -fidelity. In the 4 battles named above, the Boer loss, so far as known, -was an average of 6 men per battle, to the British average loss of 175. -In Jameson's battles, as per Boer official report, the Boer loss in -killed was 4. Two of these were killed by the Boers themselves, by -accident, the other by Jameson's army--one of them intentionally, the -other by a pathetic mischance. "A young Boer named Jacobz was moving -forward to give a drink to one of the wounded troopers (Jameson's) after -the first charge, when another wounded man, mistaking his intention; shot -him." There were three or four wounded Boers in the Krugersdorp -hospital, and apparently no others have been reported. Mr. Garrett, "on -a balance of probabilities, fully accepts the official version, and -thanks Heaven the killed was not larger." - -As a military man, I wish to point out what seems to me to be military -errors in the conduct of the campaign which we have just been -considering. I have seen active service in the field, and it was in the -actualities of war that I acquired my training and my right to speak. -I served two weeks in the beginning of our Civil War, and during all that -tune commanded a battery of infantry composed of twelve men. General -Grant knew the history of my campaign, for I told it him. I also told -him the principle upon which I had conducted it; which was, to tire the -enemy. I tired out and disqualified many battalions, yet never had a -casualty myself nor lost a man. General Grant was not given to paying -compliments, yet he said frankly that if I had conducted the whole war -much bloodshed would have been spared, and that what the army might have -lost through the inspiriting results of collision in the field would have -been amply made up by the liberalizing influences of travel. Further -endorsement does not seem to me to be necessary. - -Let us now examine history, and see what it teaches. In the 4 battles -fought in 1881 and the two fought by Jameson, the British loss in killed, -wounded, and prisoners, was substantially 1,300 men; the Boer loss, as -far as is ascertainable, eras about 30 men. These figures show that -there was a defect somewhere. It was not in the absence of courage. I -think it lay in the absence of discretion. The Briton should have done -one thing or the other: discarded British methods and fought the Boer -with Boer methods, or augmented his own force until--using British -methods--it should be large enough to equalize results with the Boer. - -To retain the British method requires certain things, determinable by -arithmetic. If, for argument's sake, we allow that the aggregate of -1,716 British soldiers engaged in the 4 early battles was opposed by the -same aggregate of Boers, we have this result: the British loss of 700 and -the Boer loss of 23 argues that in order to equalize results in future -battles you must make the British force thirty times as strong as the -Boer force. Mr. Garrett shows that the Boer force immediately opposed to -Jameson was 2,000, and that there were 6,000 more on hand by the evening -of the second day. Arithmetic shows that in order to make himself the -equal of the 8,000 Boers, Jameson should have had 240,000 men, whereas he -merely had 530 boys. From a military point of view, backed by the facts -of history, I conceive that Jameson's military judgment was at fault. - -Another thing. --Jameson was encumbered by artillery, ammunition, and -rifles. The facts of the battle show that he should have had none of -those things along. They were heavy, they were in his way, they impeded -his march. There was nothing to shoot at but rocks--he knew quite well -that there would be nothing to shoot at but rocks--and he knew that -artillery and rifles have no effect upon rocks. He was badly overloaded -with unessentials. He had 8 Maxims--a Maxim is a kind of Gatling, I -believe, and shoots about 500 bullets per minute; he had one 12 1/2- -pounder cannon and two 7-pounders; also, 145,000 rounds of ammunition. -He worked the Maxims so hard upon the rocks that five of them became -disabled--five of the Maxims, not the rocks. It is believed that upwards -of 100,000 rounds of ammunition of the various kinds were fired during -the 21 hours that the battles lasted. One man killed. He must have been -much mutilated. It was a pity to bring those futile Maxims along. -Jameson should have furnished himself with a battery of Pudd'nhead Wilson -maxims instead, They are much more deadly than those others, and they are -easily carried, because they have no weight. - -Mr. Garrett--not very carefully concealing a smile--excuses the presence -of the Maxims by saying that they were of very substantial use because -their sputtering disordered the aim of the Boers, and in that way saved -lives. - -Three cannon, eight Maxims, and five hundred rifles yielded a result -which emphasized a fact which had already been established--that the -British system of standing out in the open to fight Boers who are behind -rocks is not wise, not excusable, and ought to be abandoned for something -more efficacious. For the purpose of war is to kill, not merely to waste -ammunition. - -If I could get the management of one of those campaigns, I would know -what to do, for I have studied the Boer. He values the Bible above every -other thing. The most delicious edible in South Africa is "biltong." -You will have seen it mentioned in Olive Schreiner's books. It is what -our plainsmen call "jerked beef." It is the Boer's main standby. He has -a passion for it, and he is right. - -If I had the command of the campaign I would go with rifles only, no -cumbersome Maxims and cannon to spoil good rocks with. I would move -surreptitiously by night to a point about a quarter of a mile from the -Boer camp, and there I would build up a pyramid of biltong and Bibles -fifty feet high, and then conceal my men all about. In the morning the -Boers would send out spies, and then the rest would come with a rush. -I would surround them, and they would have to fight my men on equal -terms, in the open. There wouldn't be any Amajuba results. - ---[Just as I am finishing this book an unfortunate dispute has sprung up -between Dr. Jameson and his officers, on the one hand, and Colonel Rhodes -on the other, concerning the wording of a note which Colonel Rhodes sent -from Johannesburg by a cyclist to Jameson just before hostilities began -on the memorable New Year's Day. Some of the fragments of this note were -found on the battlefield after the fight, and these have been pieced -together; the dispute is as to what words the lacking fragments -contained. Jameson says the note promised him a reinforcement of 300 men -from Johannesburg. Colonel Rhodes denies this, and says he merely -promised to send out "some" men "to meet you." - -It seems a pity that these friends should fall out over so little a -thing. If the 300 had been sent, what good would it have done? In 21 -hours of industrious fighting, Jameson's 530 men, with 8 Maxims, 3 -cannon, and 145,000 rounds of ammunition, killed an aggregate of 1. -Boer. These statistics show that a reinforcement of 300 Johannesburgers, -armed merely with muskets, would have killed, at the outside, only a -little over a half of another Boer. This would not have saved the day. -It would not even have seriously affected the general result. The -figures show clearly, and with mathematical violence, that the only way -to save Jameson, or even give him a fair and equal chance with the enemy, -was for Johannesburg to send him 240 Maxims, 90 cannon, 600 carloads of -ammunition, and 240,000 men. Johannesburg was not in a position to do -this. Johannesburg has been called very hard names for not reinforcing -Jameson. But in every instance this has been done by two classes of -persons--people who do not read history, and people, like Jameson, who do -not understand what it means, after they have read it.] - - - - -CHAPTER LXVIII. - -None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its -cussedness; but we can try. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -The Duke of Fife has borne testimony that Mr. Rhodes deceived him. That -is also what Mr. Rhodes did with the Reformers. He got them into -trouble, and then stayed out himself. A judicious man. He has always -been that. As to this there was a moment of doubt, once. It was when he -was out on his last pirating expedition in the Matabele country. The -cable shouted out that he had gone unarmed, to visit a party of hostile -chiefs. It was true, too; and this dare-devil thing came near fetching -another indiscretion out of the poet laureate. It would have been too -bad, for when the facts were all in, it turned out that there was a lady -along, too, and she also was unarmed. - -In the opinion of many people Mr. Rhodes is South Africa; others think he -is only a large part of it. These latter consider that South Africa -consists of Table Mountain, the diamond mines, the Johannesburg gold -fields, and Cecil Rhodes. The gold fields are wonderful in every way. -In seven or eight years they built up, in a desert, a city of a hundred -thousand inhabitants, counting white and black together; and not the -ordinary mining city of wooden shanties, but a city made out of lasting -material. Nowhere in the world is there such a concentration of rich -mines as at Johannesburg. Mr. Bonamici, my manager there, gave me a -small gold brick with some statistics engraved upon it which record the -output of gold from the early days to July, 1895, and exhibit the strides -which have been made in the development of the industry; in 1888 the -output was $4,162,440; the output of the next five and a half years was -(total' $17,585,894; for the single year ending with June, 1895, it was -$45,553,700. - -The capital which has developed the mines came from England, the mining -engineers from America. This is the case with the diamond mines also. -South Africa seems to be the heaven of the American scientific mining -engineer. He gets the choicest places, and keeps them. His salary is -not based upon what he would get in America, but apparently upon what a -whole family of him would get there. - -The successful mines pay great dividends, yet the rock is not rich, from -a Californian point of view. Rock which yields ten or twelve dollars a -ton is considered plenty rich enough. It is troubled with base metals to -such a degree that twenty years ago it would have been only about half as -valuable as it is now; for at that time there was no paying way of -getting anything out of such rock but the coarser-grained "free"gold; but -the new cyanide process has changed all that, and the gold fields of the -world now deliver up fifty million dollars' worth of gold per year which -would have gone into the tailing-pile under the former conditions. - -The cyanide process was new to me, and full of interest; and among the -costly and elaborate mining machinery there were fine things which were -new to me, but I was already familiar with the rest of the details of the -gold-mining industry. I had been a gold miner myself, in my day, and -knew substantially everything that those people knew about it, except how -to make money at it. But I learned a good deal about the Boers there, -and that was a fresh subject. What I heard there was afterwards repeated -to me in other parts of South Africa. Summed up--according to the -information thus gained--this is the Boer: - -He is deeply religious, profoundly ignorant, dull, obstinate, bigoted, -uncleanly in his habits, hospitable, honest in his dealings with the -whites, a hard master to his black servant, lazy, a good shot, good -horseman, addicted to the chase, a lover of political independence, a -good husband and father, not fond of herding together in towns, but -liking the seclusion and remoteness and solitude and empty vastness and -silence of the veldt; a man of a mighty appetite, and not delicate about -what he appeases it with--well-satisfied with pork and Indian corn and -biltong, requiring only that the quantity shall not be stinted; willing -to ride a long journey to take a hand in a rude all-night dance -interspersed with vigorous feeding and boisterous jollity, but ready to -ride twice as far for a prayer-meeting; proud of his Dutch and Huguenot -origin and its religious and military history; proud of his race's -achievements in South Africa, its bold plunges into hostile and uncharted -deserts in search of free solitudes unvexed by the pestering and detested -English, also its victories over the natives and the British; proudest of -all, of the direct and effusive personal interest which the Deity has -always taken in its affairs. He cannot read, he cannot write; he has one -or two newspapers, but he is, apparently, not aware of it; until latterly -he had no schools, and taught his children nothing, news is a term which -has no meaning to him, and the thing itself he cares nothing about. He -hates to be taxed and resents it. He has stood stock still in South -Africa for two centuries and a half, and would like to stand still till -the end of time, for he has no sympathy with Uitlander notions of -progress. He is hungry to be rich, for he is human; but his preference -has been for riches in cattle, not in fine clothes and fine houses and -gold and diamonds. The gold and the diamonds have brought the godless -stranger within his gates, also contamination and broken repose, and he -wishes that they had never been discovered. - -I think that the bulk of those details can be found in Olive Schreiner's -books, and she would not be accused of sketching the Boer's portrait with -an unfair hand. - -Now what would you expect from that unpromising material? What ought you -to expect from it? Laws inimical to religious liberty? Yes. Laws -denying, representation and suffrage to the intruder? Yes. Laws -unfriendly to educational institutions? Yes. Laws obstructive of gold -production? Yes. Discouragement of railway expansion? Yes. Laws heavily -taxing the intruder and overlooking the Boer? Yes. - -The Uitlander seems to have expected something very different from all -that. I do not know why. Nothing different from it was rationally to be -expected. A round man cannot be expected to fit a square hole right -away. He must have time to modify his shape. The modification had begun -in a detail or two, before the Raid, and was making some progress. It -has made further progress since. There are wise men in the Boer -government, and that accounts for the modification; the modification of -the Boer mass has probably not begun yet. If the heads of the Boer -government had not been wise men they would have hanged Jameson, and thus -turned a very commonplace pirate into a holy martyr. But even their -wisdom has its limits, and they will hang Mr. Rhodes if they ever catch -him. That will round him and complete him and make him a saint. He has -already been called by all other titles that symbolize human grandeur, -and he ought to rise to this one, the grandest of all. It will be a -dizzy jump from where he is now, but that is nothing, it will land him in -good company and be a pleasant change for him. - -Some of the things demanded by the Johannesburgers' Manifesto have been -conceded since the days of the Raid, and the others will follow in time, -no doubt. It was most fortunate for the miners of Johannesburg that the -taxes which distressed them so much were levied by the Boer government, -instead of by their friend Rhodes and his Chartered Company of -highwaymen, for these latter take half of whatever their mining victims -find, they do not stop at a mere percentage. If the Johannesburg miners -were under their jurisdiction they would be in the poorhouse in twelve -months. - -I have been under the impression all along that I had an unpleasant -paragraph about the Boers somewhere in my notebook, and also a pleasant -one. I have found them now. The unpleasant one is dated at an interior -village, and says-- - -"Mr. Z. called. He is an English Afrikander; is an old resident, and has -a Boer wife. He speaks the language, and his professional business is -with the Boers exclusively. He told me that the ancient Boer families in -the great region of which this village is the commercial center are -falling victims to their inherited indolence and dullness in the -materialistic latter-day race and struggle, and are dropping one by one -into the grip of the usurer--getting hopelessly in debt--and are losing -their high place and retiring to second and lower. The Boer's farm does -not go to another Boer when he loses it, but to a foreigner. Some have -fallen so low that they sell their daughters to the blacks." - -Under date of another South African town I find the note which is -creditable to the Boers: - -"Dr. X. told me that in the Kafir war 1,500 Kafirs took refuge in a great -cave in the mountains about 90 miles north of Johannesburg, and the Boers -blocked up the entrance and smoked them to death. Dr. X. has been in -there and seen the great array of bleached skeletons--one a woman with -the skeleton of a child hugged to her breast." - -The great bulk of the savages must go. The white man wants their lands, -and all must go excepting such percentage of them as he will need to do -his work for him upon terms to be determined by himself. Since history -has removed the element of guesswork from this matter and made it -certainty, the humanest way of diminishing the black population should be -adopted, not the old cruel ways of the past. Mr. Rhodes and his gang -have been following the old ways. --They are chartered to rob and slay, -and they lawfully do it, but not in a compassionate and Christian spirit. -They rob the Mashonas and the Matabeles of a portion of their territories -in the hallowed old style of "purchase!" for a song, and then they force -a quarrel and take the rest by the strong hand. They rob the natives of -their cattle under the pretext that all the cattle in the country -belonged to the king whom they have tricked and assassinated. They issue -"regulations" requiring the incensed and harassed natives to work for the -white settlers, and neglect their own affairs to do it. This is slavery, -and is several times worse than was the American slavery which used to -pain England so much; for when this Rhodesian slave is sick, super- -annuated, or otherwise disabled, he must support himself or starve--his -master is under no obligation to support him. - -The reduction of the population by Rhodesian methods to the desired limit -is a return to the old-time slow-misery and lingering-death system of a -discredited time and a crude "civilization." We humanely reduce an -overplus of dogs by swift chloroform; the Boer humanely reduced an -overplus of blacks by swift suffocation; the nameless but right-hearted -Australian pioneer humanely reduced his overplus of aboriginal neighbors -by a sweetened swift death concealed in a poisoned pudding. All these -are admirable, and worthy of praise; you and I would rather suffer either -of these deaths thirty times over in thirty successive days than linger -out one of the Rhodesian twenty-year deaths, with its daily burden of -insult, humiliation, and forced labor for a man whose entire race the -victim hates. Rhodesia is a happy name for that land of piracy and -pillage, and puts the right stain upon it. - -Several long journeys--gave us experience of the Cape Colony railways; -easy-riding, fine cars; all the conveniences; thorough cleanliness; -comfortable beds furnished for the night trains. It was in the first -days of June, and winter; the daytime was pleasant, the nighttime nice -and cold. Spinning along all day in the cars it was ecstasy to breathe -the bracing air and gaze out over the vast brown solitudes of the velvet -plains, soft and lovely near by, still softer and lovelier further away, -softest and loveliest of all in the remote distances, where dim island- -hills seemed afloat, as in a sea--a sea made of dream-stuff and flushed -with colors faint and rich; and dear me, the depth of the sky, and the -beauty of the strange new cloud-forms, and the glory of the sunshine, the -lavishness, the wastefulness of it! The vigor and freshness and -inspiration of the air and the sunwell, it was all just as Olive -Schreiner had made it in her books. - -To me the veldt, in its sober winter garb, was surpassingly beautiful. -There were unlevel stretches where it was rolling and swelling, and -rising and subsiding, and sweeping superbly on and on, and still on and -on like an ocean, toward the faraway horizon, its pale brown deepening by -delicately graduated shades to rich orange, and finally to purple and -crimson where it washed against the wooded hills and naked red crags at -the base of the sky. - -Everywhere, from Cape Town to Kimberley and from Kimberley to Port -Elizabeth and East London, the towns were well populated with tamed -blacks; tamed and Christianized too, I suppose, for they wore the dowdy -clothes of our Christian civilization. But for that, many of them would -have been remarkably handsome. These fiendish clothes, together with the -proper lounging gait, good-natured face, happy air, and easy laugh, made -them precise counterparts of our American blacks; often where all the -other aspects were strikingly and harmoniously and thrillingly African, a -flock of these natives would intrude, looking wholly out of place, and -spoil it all, making the thing a grating discord, half African and half -American. - -One Sunday in King William's Town a score of colored women came mincing -across the great barren square dressed--oh, in the last perfection of -fashion, and newness, and expensiveness, and showy mixture of unrelated -colors,--all just as I had seen it so often at home; and in their faces -and their gait was that languishing, aristocratic, divine delight in -their finery which was so familiar to me, and had always been such a -satisfaction to my eye and my heart. I seemed among old, old friends; -friends of fifty years, and I stopped and cordially greeted them. They -broke into a good-fellowship laugh, flashing their white teeth upon me, -and all answered at once. I did not understand a word they said. I was -astonished; I was not dreaming that they would answer in anything but -American. - -The voices, too, of the African women, were familiar to me sweet and -musical, just like those of the slave women of my early days. I followed -a couple of them all over the Orange Free State--no, over its capital-- -Bloemfontein, to hear their liquid voices and the happy ripple of their -laughter. Their language was a large improvement upon American. Also -upon the Zulu. It had no Zulu clicks in it; and it seemed to have no -angles or corners, no roughness, no vile s's or other hissing sounds, but -was very, very mellow and rounded and flowing. - -In moving about the country in the trains, I had opportunity to see a -good many Boers of the veldt. One day at a village station a hundred of -them got out of the third-class cars to feed. - -Their clothes were very interesting. For ugliness of shapes, and for -miracles of ugly colors inharmoniously associated, they were a record. -The effect was nearly as exciting and interesting as that produced by the -brilliant and beautiful clothes and perfect taste always on view at the -Indian railway stations. One man had corduroy trousers of a faded -chewing gum tint. And they were new--showing that this tint did not come -by calamity, but was intentional; the very ugliest color I have ever -seen. A gaunt, shackly country lout six feet high, in battered gray -slouched hat with wide brim, and old resin-colored breeches, had on a -hideous brand-new woolen coat which was imitation tiger skin wavy broad -stripes of dazzling yellow and deep brown. I thought he ought to be -hanged, and asked the station-master if it could be arranged. He said -no; and not only that, but said it rudely; said it with a quite -unnecessary show of feeling. Then he muttered something about my being a -jackass, and walked away and pointed me out to people, and did everything -he could to turn public sentiment against me. It is what one gets for -trying to do good. - -In the train that day a passenger told me some more about Boer life out -in the lonely veldt. He said the Boer gets up early and sets his -"niggers" at their tasks (pasturing the cattle, and watching them); eats, -smokes, drowses, sleeps; toward evening superintends the milking, etc.; -eats, smokes, drowses; goes to bed at early candlelight in the fragrant -clothes he (and she) have worn all day and every week-day for years. I -remember that last detail, in Olive Schreiner's "Story of an African -Farm." And the passenger told me that the Boers were justly noted for -their hospitality. He told me a story about it. He said that his grace -the Bishop of a certain See was once making a business-progress through -the tavernless veldt, and one night he stopped with a Boer; after supper -was shown to bed; he undressed, weary and worn out, and was soon sound -asleep; in the night he woke up feeling crowded and suffocated, and found -the old Boer and his fat wife in bed with him, one on each side, with all -their clothes on, and snoring. He had to stay there and stand it--awake -and suffering--until toward dawn, when sleep again fell upon him for an -hour. Then he woke again. The Boer was gone, but the wife was still at -his side. - -Those Reformers detested that Boer prison; they were not used to cramped -quarters and tedious hours, and weary idleness, and early to bed, and -limited movement, and arbitrary and irritating rules, and the absence of -the luxuries which wealth comforts the day and the night with. The -confinement told upon their bodies and their spirits; still, they were -superior men, and they made the best that was to be made of the -circumstances. Their wives smuggled delicacies to them, which helped to -smooth the way down for the prison fare. - -In the train Mr. B. told me that the Boer jail-guards treated the black -prisoners--even political ones--mercilessly. An African chief and his -following had been kept there nine months without trial, and during all -that time they had been without shelter from rain and sun. He said that -one day the guards put a big black in the stocks for dashing his soup on -the ground; they stretched his legs painfully wide apart, and set him -with his back down hill; he could not endure it, and put back his hands -upon the slope for a support. The guard ordered him to withdraw the -support and kicked him in the back. "Then," said Mr. B., "'the powerful -black wrenched the stocks asunder and went for the guard; a Reform -prisoner pulled him off, and thrashed the guard himself." - - - - -CHAPTER LXIX. - -The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. - - --Pudd'nhead Wilsons's New Calendar. - -There isn't a Parallel of Latitude but thinks it would have been the -Equator if it had had its rights. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -Next to Mr. Rhodes, to me the most interesting convulsion of nature in -South Africa was the diamond-crater. The Rand gold fields are a -stupendous marvel, and they make all other gold fields small, but I was -not a stranger to gold-mining; the veldt was a noble thing to see, but it -was only another and lovelier variety of our Great Plains; the natives -were very far from being uninteresting, but they were not new; and as for -the towns, I could find my way without a guide through the most of them -because I had learned the streets, under other names, in towns just like -them in other lands; but the diamond mine was a wholly fresh thing, a -splendid and absorbing novelty. Very few people in the world have seen -the diamond in its home. It has but three or four homes in the world, -whereas gold has a million. It is worth while to journey around the -globe to see anything which can truthfully be called a novelty, and the -diamond mine is the greatest and most select and restricted novelty which -the globe has in stock. - -The Kimberley diamond deposits were discovered about 1869, I think. When -everything is taken into consideration, the wonder is that they were not -discovered five thousand years ago and made familiar to the African world -for the rest of time. For this reason the first diamonds were found on -the surface of the ground. They were smooth and limpid, and in the -sunlight they vomited fire. They were the very things which an African -savage of any era would value above every other thing in the world -excepting a glass bead. For two or three centuries we have been buying -his lands, his cattle, his neighbor, and any other thing he had for sale, -for glass beads and so it is strange that he was indifferent to the -diamonds--for he must have pickets them up many and many a time. It -would not occur to him to try to sell them to whites, of course, since -the whites already had plenty of glass beads, and more fashionably -shaped, too, than these; but one would think that the poorer sort of -black, who could not afford real glass, would have been humbly content to -decorate himself with the imitation, and that presently the white trader -would notice the things, and dimly suspect, and carry some of them home, -and find out what they were, and at once empty a multitude of fortune- -hunters into Africa. There are many strange things in human history; one -of the strangest is that the sparkling diamonds laid there so long -without exciting any one's interest. - -The revelation came at last by accident. In a Boer's hut out in the wide -solitude of the plains, a traveling stranger noticed a child playing with -a bright object, and was told it was a piece of glass which had been -found in the veldt. The stranger bought it for a trifle and carried it -away; and being without honor, made another stranger believe it was a -diamond, and so got $125 out of him for it, and was as pleased with -himself as if he had done a righteous thing. In Paris the wronged -stranger sold it to a pawnshop for $10,000, who sold it to a countess for -$90,000, who sold it to a brewer for $800;000, who traded it to a king -for a dukedom and a pedigree, and the king "put it up the spout." -- -[handwritten note: "From the Greek meaning 'pawned it.' M.T.]-- I know -these particulars to be correct. - -The news flew around, and the South African diamond-boom began. The -original traveler--the dishonest one--now remembered that he had once -seen a Boer teamster chocking his wagon-wheel on a steep grade with a -diamond as large as a football, and he laid aside his occupations and -started out to hunt for it, but not with the intention of cheating -anybody out of $125 with it, for he had reformed. - -We now come to matters more didactic. Diamonds are not imbedded in rock -ledges fifty miles long, like the Johannesburg gold, but are distributed -through the rubbish of a filled-up well, so to speak. The well is rich, -its walls are sharply defined; outside of the walls are no diamonds. The -well is a crater, and a large one. Before it had been meddled with, its -surface was even with the level plain, and there was no sign to suggest -that it was there. The pasturage covering the surface of the Kimberley -crater was sufficient for the support of a cow, and the pasturage -underneath was sufficient for the support of a kingdom; but the cow did -not know it, and lost her chance. - -The Kimberley crater is roomy enough to admit the Roman Coliseum; the -bottom of the crater has not been reached, and no one can tell how far -down in the bowels of the earth it goes. Originally, it was a -perpendicular hole packed solidly full of blue rock or cement, and -scattered through that blue mass, like raisins in a pudding, were the -diamonds. As deep down in the earth as the blue stuff extends, so deep -will the diamonds be found. - -There are three or four other celebrated craters near by a circle three -miles in diameter would enclose them all. They are owned by the De Beers -Company, a consolidation of diamond properties arranged by Mr. Rhodes -twelve or fourteen years ago. The De Beers owns other craters; they are -under the grass, but the De Beers knows where they are, and will open -them some day, if the market should require it. - -Originally, the diamond deposits were the property of the Orange Free -State; but a judicious "rectification" of the boundary line shifted them -over into the British territory of Cape Colony. A high official of the -Free State told me that the sum of $4,00,000 was handed to his -commonwealth as a compromise, or indemnity, or something of the sort, and -that he thought his commonwealth did wisely to take the money and keep -out of a dispute, since the power was all on the one side and the -weakness all on the other. The De Beers Company dig out $400,000 worth -of diamonds per week, now. The Cape got the territory, but no profit; -for Mr. Rhodes and the Rothschilds and the other De Beers people own the -mines, and they pay no taxes. - -In our day the mines are worked upon scientific principles, under the -guidance of the ablest mining-engineering talent procurable in America. -There are elaborate works for reducing the blue rock and passing it -through one process after another until every diamond it contains has -been hunted down and secured. I watched the "concentrators" at work big -tanks containing mud and water and invisible diamonds--and was told that -each could stir and churn and properly treat 300 car-loads of mud per day -1,600 pounds to the car-load--and reduce it to 3 car-loads of slush. I -saw the 3 carloads of slush taken to the "pulsators" and there reduced to -quarter of a load of nice clean dark-colored sand. Then I followed it to -the sorting tables and saw the men deftly and swiftly spread it out and -brush it about and seize the diamonds as they showed up. I assisted, and -once I found a diamond half as large as an almond. It is an exciting -kind of fishing, and you feel a fine thrill of pleasure every time you -detect the glow of one of those limpid pebbles through the veil of dark -sand. I would like to spend my Saturday holidays in that charming sport -every now and then. Of course there are disappointments. Sometimes you -find a diamond which is not a diamond; it is only a quartz crystal or -some such worthless thing. The expert can generally distinguish it from -the precious stone which it is counterfeiting; but if he is in doubt he -lays it on a flatiron and hits it with a sledgehammer. If it is a -diamond it holds its own; if it is anything else, it is reduced to -powder. I liked that experiment very much, and did not tire of -repetitions of it. It was full of enjoyable apprehensions, unmarred by -any personal sense of risk. The De Beers concern treats 8;000 carloads-- -about 6,000 tons--of blue rock per day, and the result is three pounds of -diamonds. Value, uncut, $50,000 to $70,000. After cutting, they will -weigh considerably less than a pound, but will be worth four or five -times as much as they were before. - -All the plain around that region is spread over, a foot deep, with blue -rock, placed there by the Company, and looks like a plowed field. -Exposure for a length of time make the rock easier to work than it is -when it comes out of the mine. If mining should cease now, the supply of -rock spread over those fields would furnish the usual 8,000 car-loads per -day to the separating works during three years. The fields are fenced -and watched; and at night they are under the constant inspection of lofty -electric searchlight. They contain fifty or sixty million dollars' -worth' of diamonds, and there is an abundance of enterprising thieves -around. - -In the dirt of the Kimberley streets there is much hidden wealth. Some -time ago the people were granted the privilege of a free wash-up. There -was a general rush, the work was done with thoroughness, and a good -harvest of diamonds was gathered. - -The deep mining is done by natives. There are many hundreds of them. -They live in quarters built around the inside of a great compound. They -are a jolly and good-natured lot, and accommodating. They performed a -war-dance for us, which was the wildest exhibition I have ever seen. -They are not allowed outside of the compound during their term of service -three months, I think it, is, as a rule. They go down the shaft, stand -their watch, come up again, are searched, and go to bed or to their -amusements in the compound; and this routine they repeat, day in and day -out. - -It is thought that they do not now steal many diamonds successfully. -They used to swallow them, and find other ways of concealing them, but -the white man found ways of beating their various games. One man cut his -leg and shoved a diamond into the wound, but even that project did not -succeed. When they find a fine large diamond they are more likely to -report it than to steal it, for in the former case they get a reward, and -in the latter they are quite apt to merely get into trouble. Some years -ago, in a mine not owned by the De Beers, a black found what has been -claimed to be the largest diamond known to the world's history; and, as a -reward he was released from service and given a blanket, a horse, and -five hundred dollars. It made him a Vanderbilt. He could buy four -wives, and have money left. Four wives are an ample support for a -native. With four wives he is wholly independent, and need never do a -stroke of work again. - -That great diamond weighs 97l carats. Some say it is as big as a piece -of alum, others say it is as large as a bite of rock candy, but the best -authorities agree that it is almost exactly the size of a chunk of ice. -But those details are not important; and in my opinion not trustworthy. -It has a flaw in it, otherwise it would be of incredible value. As it -is, it is held to be worth $2,000,000. After cutting it ought to be -worth from $5,000,000 to $8,000,000, therefore persons desiring to save -money should buy it now. It is owned by a syndicate, and apparently -there is no satisfactory market for it. It is earning nothing; it is -eating its head off. Up to this time it has made nobody rich but the -native who found it. - -He found it in a mine which was being worked by contract. That is to -say, a company had bought the privilege of taking from the mine 5,000,000 -carloads of blue-rock, for a sum down and a royalty. Their speculation -had not paid; but on the very day that their privilege ran out that -native found the $2,000,000-diamond and handed it over to them. Even the -diamond culture is not without its romantic episodes. - -The Koh-i-Noor is a large diamond, and valuable; but it cannot compete in -these matters with three which--according to legend--are among the crown -trinkets of Portugal and Russia. One of these is held to be worth -$20,000,000; another, $25,000,000, and the third something over -$28,000,000. - -Those are truly wonderful diamonds, whether they exist or not; and yet -they are of but little importance by comparison with the one wherewith -the Boer wagoner chocked his wheel on that steep grade as heretofore -referred to. In Kimberley I had some conversation with the man who saw -the Boer do that--an incident which had occurred twenty-seven or twenty- -eight years before I had my talk with him. He assured me that that -diamond's value could have been over a billion dollars, but not under it. -I believed him, because he had devoted twenty-seven years to hunting for -it, and was, in a position to know. - -A fitting and interesting finish to an examination of the tedious and -laborious and costly processes whereby the diamonds are gotten out of the -deeps of the earth and freed from the base stuffs which imprison them is -the visit to the De Beers offices in the town of Kimberley, where the -result of each day's mining is brought every day, and, weighed, assorted, -valued, and deposited in safes against shipping-day. An unknown and -unaccredited person cannot, get into that place; and it seemed apparent -from the generous supply of warning and protective and prohibitory signs -that were posted all about, that not even the known and accredited can -steal diamonds there without inconvenience. - -We saw the day's output--shining little nests of diamonds, distributed a -foot apart, along a counter, each nest reposing upon a sheet of white -paper. That day's catch was about $70,000 worth. In the course of a -year half a ton of diamonds pass under the scales there and sleep on that -counter; the resulting money is $18,000,000 or $20,000,000. Profit, -about $12,000,000. - -Young girls were doing the sorting--a nice, clean, dainty, and probably -distressing employment. Every day ducal incomes sift and sparkle through -the fingers of those young girls; yet they go to bed at night as poor as -they were when they got up in the morning. The same thing next day, and -all the days. - -They are beautiful things, those diamonds, in their native state. They -are of various shapes; they have flat surfaces, rounded borders, and -never a sharp edge. They are of all colors and shades of color, from -dewdrop white to actual black; and their smooth and rounded surfaces and -contours, variety of color, and transparent limpidity make them look like -piles of assorted candies. A very light straw color is their commonest -tint. It seemed to me that these uncut gems must be more beautiful than -any cut ones could be; but when a collection of cut ones was brought out, -I saw my mistake. Nothing is so beautiful as a rose diamond with the -light playing through it, except that uncostly thing which is just like -it--wavy sea-water with the sunlight playing through it and striking a -white-sand bottom. - -Before the middle of July we reached Cape Town, and the end of our -African journeyings. And well satisfied; for, towering above us was -Table Mountain--a reminder that we had now seen each and all of the great -features of South Africa except Mr. Cecil Rhodes. I realize that that is -a large exception. I know quite well that whether Mr. Rhodes is the -lofty and worshipful patriot and statesman that multitudes believe him to -be, or Satan come again, as the rest of the world account him, he is -still the most imposing figure in the British empire outside of England. -When he stands on the Cape of Good Hope, his shadow falls to the Zambesi. -He is the only colonial in the British dominions whose goings and comings -are chronicled and discussed under all the globe's meridians, and whose -speeches, unclipped, are cabled from the ends of the earth; and he is the -only unroyal outsider whose arrival in London can compete for attention -with an eclipse. - -That he is an extraordinary man, and not an accident of fortune, not even -his dearest South African enemies were willing to deny, so far as I heard -them testify. The whole South African world seemed to stand in a kind of -shuddering awe of him, friend and enemy alike. It was as if he were -deputy-God on the one side, deputy-Satan on the other, proprietor of the -people, able to make them or ruin them by his breath, worshiped by many, -hated by many, but blasphemed by none among the judicious, and even by -the indiscreet in guarded whispers only. - -What is the secret of his formidable supremacy? One says it is his -prodigious wealth--a wealth whose drippings in salaries and in other ways -support multitudes and make them his interested and loyal vassals; -another says it is his personal magnetism and his persuasive tongue, and -that these hypnotize and make happy slaves of all that drift within the -circle of their influence; another says it is his majestic ideas, his -vast schemes for the territorial aggrandizement of England, his patriotic -and unselfish ambition to spread her beneficent protection and her just -rule over the pagan wastes of Africa and make luminous the African -darkness with the glory of her name; and another says he wants the earth -and wants it for his own, and that the belief that he will get it and let -his friends in on the ground floor is the secret that rivets so many eyes -upon him and keeps him in the zenith where the view is unobstructed. - -One may take his choice. They are all the same price. One fact is sure: -he keeps his prominence and a vast following, no matter what he does. He -"deceives" the Duke of Fife--it is the Duke's word--but that does not -destroy the Duke's loyalty to him. He tricks the Reformers into immense -trouble with his Raid, but the most of them believe he meant well. He -weeps over the harshly--taxed Johannesburgers and makes them his friends; -at the same time he taxes his Charter-settlers 50 per cent., and so wins -their affection and their confidence that they are squelched with despair -at every rumor that the Charter is to be annulled. He raids and robs and -slays and enslaves the Matabele and gets worlds of Charter-Christian -applause for it. He has beguiled England into buying Charter waste paper -for Bank of England notes, ton for ton, and the ravished still burn -incense to him as the Eventual God of Plenty. He has done everything he -could think of to pull himself down to the ground; he has done more than -enough to pull sixteen common-run great men down; yet there he stands, to -this day, upon his dizzy summit under the dome of the sky, an apparent -permanency, the marvel of the time, the mystery of the age, an Archangel -with wings to half the world, Satan with a tail to the other half. - -I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time comes I shall buy a -piece of the rope for a keepsake. - - - - -CONCLUSION. - -I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the -angels speak English with an accent. - --Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar. - -I saw Table Rock, anyway--a majestic pile. It is 3,000 feet high. It is -also 17,000 feet high. These figures may be relied upon. I got them in -Cape Town from the two best-informed citizens, men who had made Table -Rock the study of their lives. And I saw Table Bay, so named for its -levelness. I saw the Castle--built by the Dutch East India Company three -hundred years ago--where the Commanding General lives; I saw St. Simon's -Bay, where the Admiral lives. I saw the Government, also the Parliament, -where they quarreled in two languages when I was there, and agreed in -none. I saw the club. I saw and explored the beautiful sea-girt drives -that wind about the mountains and through the paradise where the villas -are: Also I saw some of the fine old Dutch mansions, pleasant homes of -the early times, pleasant homes to-day, and enjoyed the privilege of -their hospitalities. - -And just before I sailed I saw in one of them a quaint old picture which -was a link in a curious romance--a picture of a pale, intellectual young -man in a pink coat with a high black collar. It was a portrait of Dr. -James Barry, a military surgeon who came out to the Cape fifty years ago -with his regiment. He was a wild young fellow, and was guilty of various -kinds of misbehavior. He was several times reported to headquarters in -England, and it was in each case expected that orders would come out to -deal with him promptly and severely, but for some mysterious reason no -orders of any kind ever came back--nothing came but just an impressive . -silence. This made him an imposing and uncanny wonder to the town. - -Next, he was promoted-away up. He was made Medical Superintendent -General, and transferred to India. Presently he was back at the Cape -again and at his escapades once more. There were plenty of pretty girls, -but none of them caught him, none of them could get hold of his heart; -evidently he was not a marrying man. And that was another marvel, -another puzzle, and made no end of perplexed talk. Once he was called in -the night, an obstetric service, to do what he could for a woman who was -believed to be dying. He was prompt and scientific, and saved both -mother and child. There are other instances of record which testify to -his mastership of his profession; and many which testify to his love of -it and his devotion to it. Among other adventures of his was a duel of a -desperate sort, fought with swords, at the Castle. He killed his man. - -The child heretofore mentioned as having been saved by Dr. Barry so long -ago, was named for him, and still lives in Cape Town. He had Dr. -Barry's portrait painted, and gave it to the gentleman in whose old Dutch -house I saw it--the quaint figure in pink coat and high black collar. - -The story seems to be arriving nowhere. But that is because I have not -finished. Dr. Barry died in Cape Town 30 years ago. It was then -discovered that he was a woman. - -The legend goes that enquiries--soon silenced--developed the fact that -she was a daughter of a great English house, and that that was why her -Cape wildnesses brought no punishment and got no notice when reported to -the government at home. Her name was an alias. She had disgraced -herself with her people; so she chose to change her name and her sex and -take a new start in the world. - -We sailed on the 15th of July in the Norman, a beautiful ship, perfectly -appointed. The voyage to England occupied a short fortnight, without a -stop except at Madeira. A good and restful voyage for tired people, and -there were several of us. I seemed to have been lecturing a thousand -years, though it was only a twelvemonth, and a considerable number of the -others were Reformers who were fagged out with their five months of -seclusion in the Pretoria prison. - -Our trip around the earth ended at the Southampton pier, where we -embarked thirteen months before. It seemed a fine and large thing to -have accomplished--the circumnavigation of this great globe in that -little time, and I was privately proud of it. For a moment. Then came -one of those vanity-snubbing astronomical reports from the Observatory- -people, whereby it appeared that another great body of light had lately -flamed up in the remotenesses of space which was traveling at a gait -which would enable it to do all that I had done in a minute and a half. -Human pride is not worth while; there is always something lying in wait -to take the wind out of it. - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg Etext of Following the Equator, by Mark Twain - |