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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/28954-h.zip b/28954-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..45818a2 --- /dev/null +++ b/28954-h.zip diff --git a/28954-h/28954-h.htm b/28954-h/28954-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f43b053 --- /dev/null +++ b/28954-h/28954-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,789 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of This is Klon Calling, by Walt Sheldon + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em;} + h1,h2 {text-align: right; font-weight: normal; line-height: 2em;} + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .trn {border: solid 1px; margin: 3em 15%; padding: 1em; text-align: justify;} + .dcap {text-transform: uppercase;} + .bk1 {margin: 1em auto 3em; border-top: solid 2px; border-bottom: solid 2px;} + .bk2 {float: left; width: 15em; margin: 1em 2em 1em 0;} + .pr1 {line-height: 1.5em; margin-top: 4em;} + hr {width: 45%; margin: 1em auto; visibility: hidden;} + p.cap:first-letter {float: left; margin-right: .05em; padding-top: .05em; font-size: 300%; line-height: .8em; width: auto;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of This is Klon Calling, by Walt Sheldon + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: This is Klon Calling + +Author: Walt Sheldon + +Release Date: May 24, 2009 [EBook #28954] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THIS IS KLON CALLING *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="bk1"><p><i><small>When last heard from, Captain Sheldon was preparing to return to Japan—on the +not unreasonable claim that the Island Empire was the only place where he was +able to write undisturbed. Considering this two-time Air Force officer's output, +however—ranging from upper-bracket love and auto-racing tales to a brilliant +new novel, TROUBLING OF A STAR, that has won major bookclub distribution, +and including scores of fine science fiction stories—we wonder whether this +peripatetic author may not be planning to flood all markets. Not a bad idea.</small></i></p></div> + +<div class="bk2"><h1><b>this<br /> +is<br /> +klon<br /> +calling</b></h1> + +<h2><small><i>by ... Walt Sheldon</i></small></h2> + +<p class="pr1"><b><big>One sure way to live dangerously is to become a practical joker. +Should you have any doubts about it you might ask Professor Dane.</big></b></p></div> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">You</span> didn't have to be a potential +Einstein to take Professor Dane's +course. For one thing you got a few +easy credits and for another you were +entertained—without letup—by Professor +Lyman Dane's celebrated wit.</p> + +<p>Take the time he was illustrating +terminal velocity. He jumped out +of the open third story window, horrifying +the class, until they learned +he'd rigged a canvas life net on the +floor below. Or the time he let a +mouse loose among the female students +to illustrate chain reaction. Or +the afternoon he played boogie-woogie +on the Huyler Memorial +Carillon.</p> + +<p>"The absorption of knowledge," +he used to say, "increases in direct +proportion to the sense of humor—the +belly laugh, measured in decibels, +being constant."</p> + +<p>He could say a thing like that and +make it sound funnier than anybody +else could. It was partly the +way he looked—tall and mournful +and sly, with wispy hair that had +once been blond, drooping like a +tired willow over his forehead.</p> + +<p>But for all his vaudeville tactics he +was by no means a second-rate +scientist. Which was why he had +gained his position at Southwestern +Tech in the first place. He refused to +work directly for the government +(no sense of humor, just initials, he +said) but this way he could at least +be called upon for consultation at +the nearby Air Force Development +Center, just at the foot of the mountains +to the west.</p> + +<p>Now the AFDC, as it was called, +didn't advertise what sort of thing it +was developing—but everybody +knew that Lyman Dane was an expert +on reactive propulsion of rocket +motors. He could tell you—and frequently +would without being asked—exactly +what mass ratio, nozzle +diameter and propulsive velocity +would be needed for the first trip to +the Moon. He knew how many hours +a round trip would take, both for +landing there or merely circling the +body of the satellite.</p> + +<p>He had the courses to Mars and +Venus thoroughly charted—but considered +a trip to Jupiter somewhat +impractical. So, what with Dane's +presence and the mysterious white +streaks that so often shot up into the +sky like fuzzy yarn from the AFDC +base, it wasn't hard to guess what +was going on.</p> + +<p>Nevertheless Professor Dane was +surprised and somewhat offended +when the young man from the Federal +Bureau of Investigation came to +call on him one afternoon. And the +worst part of it was that the young +man didn't have much sense of +humor.</p> + +<p>"As you know, sir," the young +man said, "we've been sighting and +tracking these unidentified objects in +the sky. You must have read about +those they chased near Atlanta yesterday."</p> + +<p>"Ah," said Professor Dane. "Martian +through Georgia, no doubt."</p> + +<p>The young man stared at him +blankly. He seemed to Professor +Dane one of the most nondescript +young men his eyes had ever beheld. +He had a clean-shaven, pleasant face +without exactly being handsome and +his eyes were sincere and mild. He +wore a neat gray tropical worsted +suit and an unobtrusive tie. He was +about thirty. Professor Dane supposed +that all this was an advantage +in his profession.</p> + +<p>The young man went on—earnestly. +"Without forming any theories +about these things we've been asked +to take certain precautions. I don't +know whether they suspect a hostile +power, or what. That's not my job. +At any rate I've been given the responsibility +of instituting certain +security techniques. You do after all, +sir, have access to and knowledge of +considerable classified information."</p> + +<p>This lad reminded him somewhat +of his old friend and colleague, Dr. +Fincher, out in California. Wally +Fincher was a well-known physicist +now, though how anyone ever managed +to struggle through his dry +ponderous books Dane didn't know. +Probably he had gained most of his +fame through his part in those experiments +where they bounced radar +blips off the moon, Dane thought.</p> + +<p>Wally always talked in long unnecessary +words. He never merely +"went" when he could "proceed," +he never simply "used" when it was +possible to "utilize," he didn't "get +things done"—he "implemented" +them. Professor Dane made a mental +note to put in a long distance call +to Wally that evening and tweak +his nose a bit. Maybe Dane could +pretend he was the FBI—disguise his +voice and interrogate Wally, as +though he were investigating him. +He chuckled a little at the idea. +Then he realized that the young +man had been talking and he hadn't +been listening.</p> + +<p>"... so among other things, sir, +we thought it best to monitor your +official mail and hope you won't +mind."</p> + +<p>"What?" said Dane, raising his +eyebrows.</p> + +<p>"<i>And</i> your phone. You'll hear a +couple of clicks whenever you use +it. We're recording what's said over +it—though I assure you all records +obtained will be kept in strictest +confidence."</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>Dane acquiesced. The young man +finally managed to make it clear that +all this surveillance would have to be +with Dane's permission and the professor, +annoyed though he was, +didn't want to appear uncooperative. +He couldn't resist, however, giving +the young man the wrong hat when +he went out and being delighted +when the young man came back for +the right one five minutes later. He +was glad to see that something could +fluster him.</p> + +<p>But that wasn't really enough. Professor +Dane had been annoyed, and +he needed to express himself further—by +means of the joke, which was +his art—in order to regain some +measure of his equilibrium and self-respect.</p> + +<p>Inspiration visited him as he was +climbing the stairs to his bedroom +at ten-thirty that evening. He +stopped short, thought a minute, +then began to chuckle. He turned +and went downstairs again, stepped +to the phone. Professor Dane lived +alone and no one else would be able +to share his planned joke—but this +didn't matter.</p> + +<p>He had been privately enjoying +his pranks ever since, as a frail boy +with an unreasonable and dominating +male parent, he had discovered +that they were one way in which he +could compete with hardier souls, +at times even surpass them. Never +mind the audience, he thought. The +jest was the thing!</p> + +<p>It was an hour earlier in Los +Angeles and Dr. Wallace Fincher +was at home. Dane disguised his +voice—he did a lot of University +Theater work and this kind of thing +came to him easily. He listened first +to Dr. Fincher's arid, humorless, +"Hello. Dr. Fincher speaking." Then +he heard the preliminary clicking, +just as the FBI man had predicted.</p> + +<p>"Thandor," said Professor Dane, +"this is Klon calling."</p> + +<p>"I beg your pardon?" said Doctor +Fincher.</p> + +<p>"The jig's up," said Professor +Dane. "Captain Ixl in propul-cruiser +nine-nine-seven-three will never be +able to break through. The Earthlings +have set up a close watch—they're +suspicious."</p> + +<p>"Who is this?" Doctor Fincher +sounded startled. "Who the devil is +this calling?"</p> + +<p>Dane could barely keep his +laughter from breaking into his +voice. "Thandor, we can come to no +conclusion but that the Terrestrials +are definitely hostile. We should +have expected that from their primitive +stage of development. They +have orders to shoot any of our +propul-cruisers they can catch. I suggest +that we withdraw all ships of +the Franistan class immediately from +their free orbits and send them on a +standard Keplerian course to the +home planet for further consultation."</p> + +<p>"<i>Is this some kind of joke?</i>" +Fincher sounded as if he were almost +panicky.</p> + +<p>"Furthermore," said Dane, "I +recommend that we withdraw all +agents from Earth. We can't conceal +our superior mental development +and advanced technology much +longer.</p> + +<p>"Someone's bound to catch on +pretty soon. I was against this plan +in the Galactic Council in the first +place, you'll remember. Well, farewell, +Thandor! I'll be seeing you +soon in space!"</p> + +<p>And Professor Dane hung up before +he exploded with laughter.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p>He laughed until the tears came +to his eyes. He held his stomach +with both hands. He was weak. He +supported himself on the stair railing +and for minutes was unable to +take the first tread. With his lively +scientist's imagination he could picture +the completely bewildered +look on the young FBI man's face +when he listened to this conversation +on the tape recorder or whatever +it was they used.</p> + +<p>He was certainly going to have to +try to get that recording from them. +Play it back for Fincher some time—Lordy, +Fincher would have apoplexy +every time he heard it!</p> + +<p>He finally gained enough strength +to climb the stairs. He went into his +bedroom, still chuckling weakly, still +wiping the tears from his eyes, +stomach muscles still aching.</p> + +<p>Dr. Wallace Fincher stood there +by his bed. It <i>was</i> Fincher—the +same stocky round-faced man with +the steel-rimmed glasses he had +always known. It was either Fincher +or the darndest hallucination he had +ever ...</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry, Lyman," said Dr. +Fincher in a kindly but impersonal +voice. "You were getting a trifle +too close. I'm afraid you have left +me no choice."</p> + +<p>He pointed a little silvery tube at +Professor Dane and there was a soft +buzzing and the smell of ozone and +Professor Dane was no longer in +the room—or anywhere else.</p> + +<p>Dr. Fincher sighed, adjusted his +glasses and faded into the dimension +that would take him back to Los +Angeles and his interrupted work.</p> + +<div class="trn"><b>Transcriber's Note:</b> +This etext was produced from <i>Fantastic Universe</i> Aug-Sept 1953. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of This is Klon Calling, by Walt Sheldon + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THIS IS KLON CALLING *** + +***** This file should be named 28954-h.htm or 28954-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/9/5/28954/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: This is Klon Calling + +Author: Walt Sheldon + +Release Date: May 24, 2009 [EBook #28954] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THIS IS KLON CALLING *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + _When last heard from, Captain Sheldon was preparing to return to + Japan--on the not unreasonable claim that the Island Empire was the + only place where he was able to write undisturbed. Considering this + two-time Air Force officer's output, however--ranging from + upper-bracket love and auto-racing tales to a brilliant new novel, + TROUBLING OF A STAR, that has won major bookclub distribution, and + including scores of fine science fiction stories--we wonder whether + this peripatetic author may not be planning to flood all markets. + Not a bad idea._ + + + this + is + klon + calling + + _by ... Walt Sheldon_ + + + One sure way to live dangerously is to become a practical joker. + Should you have any doubts about it you might ask Professor Dane. + + +You didn't have to be a potential Einstein to take Professor Dane's +course. For one thing you got a few easy credits and for another you +were entertained--without letup--by Professor Lyman Dane's celebrated +wit. + +Take the time he was illustrating terminal velocity. He jumped out of +the open third story window, horrifying the class, until they learned +he'd rigged a canvas life net on the floor below. Or the time he let a +mouse loose among the female students to illustrate chain reaction. Or +the afternoon he played boogie-woogie on the Huyler Memorial Carillon. + +"The absorption of knowledge," he used to say, "increases in direct +proportion to the sense of humor--the belly laugh, measured in decibels, +being constant." + +He could say a thing like that and make it sound funnier than anybody +else could. It was partly the way he looked--tall and mournful and sly, +with wispy hair that had once been blond, drooping like a tired willow +over his forehead. + +But for all his vaudeville tactics he was by no means a second-rate +scientist. Which was why he had gained his position at Southwestern +Tech in the first place. He refused to work directly for the government +(no sense of humor, just initials, he said) but this way he could at +least be called upon for consultation at the nearby Air Force +Development Center, just at the foot of the mountains to the west. + +Now the AFDC, as it was called, didn't advertise what sort of thing it +was developing--but everybody knew that Lyman Dane was an expert on +reactive propulsion of rocket motors. He could tell you--and frequently +would without being asked--exactly what mass ratio, nozzle diameter and +propulsive velocity would be needed for the first trip to the Moon. He +knew how many hours a round trip would take, both for landing there or +merely circling the body of the satellite. + +He had the courses to Mars and Venus thoroughly charted--but considered +a trip to Jupiter somewhat impractical. So, what with Dane's presence +and the mysterious white streaks that so often shot up into the sky like +fuzzy yarn from the AFDC base, it wasn't hard to guess what was going +on. + +Nevertheless Professor Dane was surprised and somewhat offended when the +young man from the Federal Bureau of Investigation came to call on him +one afternoon. And the worst part of it was that the young man didn't +have much sense of humor. + +"As you know, sir," the young man said, "we've been sighting and +tracking these unidentified objects in the sky. You must have read about +those they chased near Atlanta yesterday." + +"Ah," said Professor Dane. "Martian through Georgia, no doubt." + +The young man stared at him blankly. He seemed to Professor Dane one of +the most nondescript young men his eyes had ever beheld. He had a +clean-shaven, pleasant face without exactly being handsome and his eyes +were sincere and mild. He wore a neat gray tropical worsted suit and an +unobtrusive tie. He was about thirty. Professor Dane supposed that all +this was an advantage in his profession. + +The young man went on--earnestly. "Without forming any theories about +these things we've been asked to take certain precautions. I don't know +whether they suspect a hostile power, or what. That's not my job. At any +rate I've been given the responsibility of instituting certain security +techniques. You do after all, sir, have access to and knowledge of +considerable classified information." + +This lad reminded him somewhat of his old friend and colleague, Dr. +Fincher, out in California. Wally Fincher was a well-known physicist +now, though how anyone ever managed to struggle through his dry +ponderous books Dane didn't know. Probably he had gained most of his +fame through his part in those experiments where they bounced radar +blips off the moon, Dane thought. + +Wally always talked in long unnecessary words. He never merely "went" +when he could "proceed," he never simply "used" when it was possible to +"utilize," he didn't "get things done"--he "implemented" them. Professor +Dane made a mental note to put in a long distance call to Wally that +evening and tweak his nose a bit. Maybe Dane could pretend he was the +FBI--disguise his voice and interrogate Wally, as though he were +investigating him. He chuckled a little at the idea. Then he realized +that the young man had been talking and he hadn't been listening. + +"... so among other things, sir, we thought it best to monitor your +official mail and hope you won't mind." + +"What?" said Dane, raising his eyebrows. + +"_And_ your phone. You'll hear a couple of clicks whenever you use it. +We're recording what's said over it--though I assure you all records +obtained will be kept in strictest confidence." + + * * * * * + +Dane acquiesced. The young man finally managed to make it clear that all +this surveillance would have to be with Dane's permission and the +professor, annoyed though he was, didn't want to appear uncooperative. +He couldn't resist, however, giving the young man the wrong hat when he +went out and being delighted when the young man came back for the right +one five minutes later. He was glad to see that something could fluster +him. + +But that wasn't really enough. Professor Dane had been annoyed, and he +needed to express himself further--by means of the joke, which was his +art--in order to regain some measure of his equilibrium and +self-respect. + +Inspiration visited him as he was climbing the stairs to his bedroom at +ten-thirty that evening. He stopped short, thought a minute, then began +to chuckle. He turned and went downstairs again, stepped to the phone. +Professor Dane lived alone and no one else would be able to share his +planned joke--but this didn't matter. + +He had been privately enjoying his pranks ever since, as a frail boy +with an unreasonable and dominating male parent, he had discovered that +they were one way in which he could compete with hardier souls, at times +even surpass them. Never mind the audience, he thought. The jest was the +thing! + +It was an hour earlier in Los Angeles and Dr. Wallace Fincher was at +home. Dane disguised his voice--he did a lot of University Theater work +and this kind of thing came to him easily. He listened first to Dr. +Fincher's arid, humorless, "Hello. Dr. Fincher speaking." Then he heard +the preliminary clicking, just as the FBI man had predicted. + +"Thandor," said Professor Dane, "this is Klon calling." + +"I beg your pardon?" said Doctor Fincher. + +"The jig's up," said Professor Dane. "Captain Ixl in propul-cruiser +nine-nine-seven-three will never be able to break through. The +Earthlings have set up a close watch--they're suspicious." + +"Who is this?" Doctor Fincher sounded startled. "Who the devil is this +calling?" + +Dane could barely keep his laughter from breaking into his voice. +"Thandor, we can come to no conclusion but that the Terrestrials are +definitely hostile. We should have expected that from their primitive +stage of development. They have orders to shoot any of our +propul-cruisers they can catch. I suggest that we withdraw all ships of +the Franistan class immediately from their free orbits and send them on +a standard Keplerian course to the home planet for further +consultation." + +"_Is this some kind of joke?_" Fincher sounded as if he were almost +panicky. + +"Furthermore," said Dane, "I recommend that we withdraw all agents from +Earth. We can't conceal our superior mental development and advanced +technology much longer. + +"Someone's bound to catch on pretty soon. I was against this plan in the +Galactic Council in the first place, you'll remember. Well, farewell, +Thandor! I'll be seeing you soon in space!" + +And Professor Dane hung up before he exploded with laughter. + + * * * * * + +He laughed until the tears came to his eyes. He held his stomach with +both hands. He was weak. He supported himself on the stair railing and +for minutes was unable to take the first tread. With his lively +scientist's imagination he could picture the completely bewildered look +on the young FBI man's face when he listened to this conversation on the +tape recorder or whatever it was they used. + +He was certainly going to have to try to get that recording from them. +Play it back for Fincher some time--Lordy, Fincher would have apoplexy +every time he heard it! + +He finally gained enough strength to climb the stairs. He went into his +bedroom, still chuckling weakly, still wiping the tears from his eyes, +stomach muscles still aching. + +Dr. Wallace Fincher stood there by his bed. It _was_ Fincher--the same +stocky round-faced man with the steel-rimmed glasses he had always +known. It was either Fincher or the darndest hallucination he had +ever ... + +"I'm sorry, Lyman," said Dr. Fincher in a kindly but impersonal voice. +"You were getting a trifle too close. I'm afraid you have left me no +choice." + +He pointed a little silvery tube at Professor Dane and there was a soft +buzzing and the smell of ozone and Professor Dane was no longer in the +room--or anywhere else. + +Dr. Fincher sighed, adjusted his glasses and faded into the dimension +that would take him back to Los Angeles and his interrupted work. + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + This etext was produced from _Fantastic Universe_ Aug-Sept 1953. + Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. + copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and + typographical errors have been corrected without note. + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of This is Klon Calling, by Walt Sheldon + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THIS IS KLON CALLING *** + +***** This file should be named 28954.txt or 28954.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/9/5/28954/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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