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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/29207-8.txt b/29207-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..8d10ff1 --- /dev/null +++ b/29207-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9431 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Cleo The Magnificent, by Louis Zangwill + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Cleo The Magnificent + The Muse of the Real + + +Author: Louis Zangwill + + + +Release Date: June 23, 2009 [eBook #29207] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT*** + + +E-text prepared by David Edwards, Stephanie Eason, and the Project +Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from +digital material generously made available by Internet Archive/Canadian +Libraries (http://www.archive.org/details/toronto) + + + +Note: Images of the original pages are available through + Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries. See + http://www.archive.org/details/cleomagnificento00zanguoft + + + + + +CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT + +by + +LOUIS ZANGWILL + + * * * * * + +MR. LOUIS ZANGWILL'S WORKS. + + +A Drama in Dutch. + +_Spectator:_ Certainly a book which has not merely cleverness but real +vitality. + +_Speaker:_ Deliciously original ... and told with great spirit, humor +and dramatic vigor. + +"T. P." in _Weekly Sun:_ What a delightful creation Mrs. de Griendt +is! Indeed I should have personally been glad if we had had more of +her.... I think the reader will agree with me that I have not +exaggerated the literary merit of this exquisitely-described scene. + + +The World and a Man. + +_Academy:_ A masterful novelist. + +_Illustrated London News:_ One of the cleverest novels of the day. + +_Pall Mall Gazette:_ Finely told.... It is an achievement in a high +form of art. + +_Daily Chronicle:_ It contains many passages which the greatest +masters in the same _genre_ might have been proud to have written. + + +The Beautiful Miss Brooke. + +_Brooklyn Eagle:_ A brilliant bit of work. + +_Detroit Free Press:_ He has analyzed with ability and finish.... This +is a story to be admired for its discernment and its originality. + +_Boston Beacon:_ The story is thoroughly entertaining and well done, +... and in analysis of character, force, and directness, it exceeds +the author's previous essays in fiction. + +_Chicago Record:_ Very few recent novels which have come out of +England will compare with this story in two points--absolute +conciseness of form and analysis of motive.... Here is a theme of +vital truthfulness and Mr. Louis Zangwill has dealt with it with the +hand of a master of form.... + + +A Nineteenth Century Miracle. + +_Academy:_ As tantalizing a problem as was ever bound in cloth. + +_Pall Mall Gazette:_ As tangled a skein as ever the brain of Gaboriau +evolved. + +_Daily Chronicle:_ We have seldom read a better piece of +mystification. + +_Morning Leader:_ It would probably defy the most ingeniously +imaginative reader to make in the course of the story even an +approximate leap toward the heart of the miracle that Louis Zangwill +has wrought for his astonishment. + + * * * * * + + +CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT + +Or + +The Muse of the Real + +A Novel + +by + +LOUIS ZANGWILL + +Author of "The Beautiful Miss Brooke," "The World and a Man," Etc., Etc. + + + + + + + +New York: G. W. Dillingham Co., Publishers. +London: Wm. Heinemann. +MDCCCXCVIII. + +Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1897, by G. W. +DILLINGHAM CO., In the office of the Librarian of Congress at +Washington, D. C. + +_Cleo the Magnificent._ + + + + +BOOK I. + + + + +CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT + + +CHAPTER I. + + +It was past midnight, and both men were smoking leisurely by the study +fireside. Morgan Druce sat just on the edge of a low chair, his long, +slim body bent forward, his clean-shaven boyish face well within the +glow of the fire. Though he appeared to be looking at it, he was only +conscious of its warmth. + +Robert Ingram, middle-aged and bearded, lolled back in sensuous +comfort. "The long and the short of it is," he resumed, "you've a +soul-crisis on just at present. Crises are bad for the digestion, and +I took care to grow out of them long ago." + +"Our temperaments are very different," said Morgan. + +"That's what makes your case so difficult to meet," returned Ingram. +"It's your infernal temperament. One never knows how to take it. In +fact, you're the sort of person in whose existence I never really +believed; for though, as you know, I once had ideals and a literary +conscience, I was always aware they would go as soon as I had a market +for everything I could manufacture. You are the genuine incorruptible +artist, to whom art is sacred. I really don't know whether to be +doubtful of my cynicism or your sanity." + +"That my case _is_ a pretty bad one I've already admitted," put in +Morgan. + +"Now, if you were only some poor devil who was alone in the world," +went on Ingram without heeding his remark, "I could take you in hand +and make something of you, for you've quite brains enough. Poor devils +are generally more reasonable in their views than you, even when +they're geniuses. You simply keep on wearing out your heart day after +day. Why? For fame? What is it worth? Well, I won't answer the +question--I deal quite enough in platitudes." + +"You don't understand, Ingram. What do you really know of me?" + +"Well, if I don't know you by this time, you must be an uncommonly +deep person--or perhaps I am an uncommonly shallow one." + +Morgan Druce did not answer. His last remark had been more of a +reflection than an interrogation. What did Ingram really know of him, +he asked himself again, despite the five years of the indefinable +relation between them? Admitting that the man beneath the cynic was +kindly and sympathetic, yet he could not but be aware that Ingram's +treason to the aspirations of his youth had destroyed the finer edge +of feeling. His vision did not respond to subtler vibrations; his +judgment was broad and coarse. + +Such was Morgan's intuition about Robert Ingram. He believed the man +to be sincere with him and he trusted him. And yet, as he looked up +now and saw Ingram, relapsed into his luxurious arm chair, blowing +rings of smoke, he seemed to detect something in his expression that +filled him with a vague distrust about the genuineness of his +professed interest in him. There was a sort of swagger in his whole +posture, a slickness about his well-dressed, well-fed body, and a +self-satisfaction in his somewhat burly face, nay, even in the manner +his fat fingers held his fat cigar, that set Morgan wondering for the +first time whether Ingram's attitude to literature did not in truth +sum up the whole man; whether that popular novelist and dramatist +could really have a place in his heart for anything that was of +unimportance to his own personal existence--for a poor devil of a +poetaster, for instance. + +It was one of those sudden doubts that are created by a chance glimpse +from an accidental new point of view; and Morgan thrust it from him as +absurd and unjust. It could have no foundation, else why had Ingram +responded to his appeal at the beginning? Why had he tolerated his +calls all these years? Why were they talking together in that room +now? + +He had often been puzzled about this relation between them, though, as +with his friendship with Lady Thiselton, its very strangeness and +originality pleased him. His relation to that charming woman was, he +felt, both indefinable and incredible; and his relation to the man +beside him, though less odd, could be included neither in the category +of acquaintanceship nor in that of friendship. Morgan was ignorant of +Ingram's personal life, even as Ingram was ignorant of such a large +fact in his own as Lady Thiselton. Their coming together had been +always on the ground of their one common interest; otherwise there was +the most absolute mutual exclusiveness between their existences. +True that Morgan's periodical appearance at this Albert Gate flat, of +which Ingram had made for himself a luxurious bachelor's home, had +eventually resulted in a certain frankness of speech and familiarity +of manner between them. But here their intercourse began and ended. + +Perhaps Morgan had all along seen the position a little bit out of +perspective; the very freedom with which Ingram had come to unmask +himself before him and the intimacy with which they addressed each +other had perhaps misled him. The cheery breeziness of Ingram had +attracted him a good deal from the first, and he had liked the man for +the ready good nature he had displayed towards him. And altogether it +had been easy for him to think that he had done more than just rub up +against the surface of Ingram's life, the depth and fullness of which +he had scarcely realised. + +At the beginning he had looked upon his being allowed to come and see +the older man now and again as a privilege. It had never struck him to +look at these visits of his from the other's point of view. It was +precisely this point of view that now forced itself upon him as he +struggled with the suspicion that had come to him. Had Ingram looked +upon him merely as somebody who deserved to be good-humouredly +tolerated? And was his openness only due to the consciousness of his +(Morgan's) being an outsider, into whose ears he had got into the +habit of speaking thoughts he would have told to no other living +person, pretty much as he might have written them in a diary? Such a +habit was easy to acquire with regard to an outsider whom one came +into contact with periodically, and with whom one had a long talk +each time. + +He was not pleased, however, that such a train of thought should have +come to him, and, urged by something akin to remorse, his mind went +travelling back over the past five years in search of arguments in +favour of Ingram. + +There was a long interval during which both smoked in silence. + +"Do you remember," asked Morgan, at length, "the circumstances under +which we first became acquainted?" + +"Perfectly," responded Ingram. "You wrote me a long letter, a rather +pathetic one. That was the first intimation I had of your existence." + +"Did you destroy that letter?" + +"I never destroy letters--compromising ones, of course, always +excepted." + +"Then I may assume it still exists. Would it give you very much +trouble to find it now?" + +"I pride myself upon my system," answered Ingram. + +"Please put it to the test, then." + +"Your system is excellent," admitted Morgan, as at the end of about +five minutes Ingram held up the sheets in triumph. "Now I wonder if +you'd read it to me. I want to hear how it sounds." + +"Certainly, you amusing beggar," said Ingram. "You wrote it during +your last crisis and you want to compare your feelings then with now." + +"I forget what I wrote," said Morgan, with an attempt at gaiety. "It +must be very dramatic, so please put the proper expression into it, +just as if it were a passage in one of your plays." + +"Dear Mr. Ingram," read out that gentleman. "For nearly six years I +have been trying to live by writing verse--ever since I was seventeen. +Six years of passionate hope and longing, failure and failure, all +years of wandering in the desert, of groping in the dark. I know no +one--no one to criticise me--no one to encourage, to blame, or to +praise; only the voice of purpose in my breast. Amid loneliness this +passion for fruitless labour has grown strong, frenzied, blind. +Perhaps one day I shall penetrate--if I live. But for life one must +have food; for work one must have shelter. At twenty-three one does +not want to die; not when one has lived always in the future, when one +has striven and toiled for recognition that may yet come. Not mere +recognition of genius or talent, of knack or gift, but recognition of +Truth as opposed to Imposture, of my right to life, of my right to +give free and full expression of the individuality that is mine. + +"As matters are now--I am utterly friendless so far as my inner life +is concerned--I can see no other end than fall. God knows what shape +that fall is destined to take; into what mire my soul must plunge in +the fight for life. I could bear anything if I were not so utterly +alone and helpless. I would do hack-work if I but knew Grub Street. I +would sell my soul to a publisher for fifty pounds a year. Anything to +get my foot on the lowest rung of the ladder! Anything to help me on +the way to freedom! + +"If you could see me, speak to me, help me in any way! Believe me, I +do not wish to force my personality on you. I do not want you to give +me any material thing. I only beg of you to aid me in asserting my +claim on life by telling how I may win bread. + +"I should be deeply grateful for a word from you. In any case, pardon +this intrusion. Yours, etc., Morgan Druce." + + * * * * * + +Ingram drew a long breath and threw the sheets on to the table. + +"Have I read it nicely?" he asked. + +"And I wrote that--to you, Robert Ingram!" exclaimed Morgan, brokenly. + +"You did," said Ingram, quietly. "And you know what the sequel was." + +"You were moved by my appeal. You came to seek me out." + +"Well, your letter interested me. It was not the letter of a duffer or +a swindler--the sort of thing you can tell by its ornate pompousness; +and it just caught me when I was somewhat bored by things, so that I +rather welcomed it as an excitement. I expected to find you lodging in +some miserable cottage--a Chatterton in a garret. I came to bring food +to the hungry. Instead----" + +"You found me living in a palace standing in a fine park, with no lack +of loaves and fishes, of milk and honey." + +"It was the greatest surprise of my life. When I could no longer doubt +that the only people called Druce in the neighbourhood lived in the +magnificent Elizabethan mansion, whose name was that of the supposed +cottage from which you addressed your letter, I began to think the +family kept a skeleton in one of the cupboards. In plain +language----" + +"You thought one of the members of the family must be a lunatic." + +"Anyway, the champagne was first-class, the cigars were worth +half-a-crown apiece," said Ingram, laughing. + +"And when you had gone into the matter you thought that if I wasn't +quite a lunatic, I was not far short of one for disagreeing with my +father." + +"Frankly, I did." + +"You never really sympathised." + +"I did--all the time I conceived of you as a Chatterton." + +"A palace is worse than a garret," asserted Morgan, "under the +conditions in which I lived." + +"Bah! You know nothing about garrets. And, as I pointed out to you, +even if, in spite of the competition, you did sell your soul to a +publisher for fifty pounds a year, he'd take care to stick to it. You +were hopelessly wrong in your ideas about getting your foot on the +first rung of the ladder." + +"I am ashamed of ever having had those ideas--of ever having been +willing to suppress my individuality, if only temporarily, for the +sake of living. It all ought to have ended then. Why did you advise me +to go on?" + +"I only advised you to go on writing--I took the other thing for +granted. In the light of my experience of myself at the same age, I +judged it was the only advice you would take. And then having entered +on the adventure, I wanted to finish it; so naturally I set about +making peace between father and son. Excellent man, your father! So +open to reason! You must have been deuced clumsy to irritate him. To +refuse to enter such a business! You'd have been a rich man in a few +years. But I'm sorry to see your last remark implied a sort of +reproach." + +"It was a stupid remark," admitted Morgan. "Of course I wanted to go +on. At twenty-three one does not want to die." + +"If there is still a prospect of being allowed to write poetry," added +Ingram. "You wanted to be put in the way of earning fifty pounds a +year, and naturally you invoked the assistance of the man who was +reputed to have a weakness for embryo genius. However, at the age of +twenty-eight, it appears, one does want to die. I helped you over the +last crisis; perhaps I may help you over this one. Let us look at the +facts. You've had a good chance and you've been defeated. Your poetry +is not wanted. As I've told you before, I am not competent to say +whether it's great or whether it's downright drivel--it's years since +I discovered my limitations. You've been imprudent enough to pay the +expenses of publishing two small volumes, and certain it is that +nobody found any greatness in them. I admit I couldn't make head or +tail of the bulk of the stuff--I'm satisfied myself to write what +plain folk can understand. To put the matter bluntly, you send work to +market that most people would look on as the ravings of a lunatic. +Now, my advice is--cut poetry. There is plenty in the world for you to +live for. Go and travel awhile. See men and cities, sculpture and +paintings. Study humanity instead of merely thinking about it. Sail +over the wide seas; breathe in the good air; be true to your youth and +fall in love right bravely. You are rich--all this is in your power. I +am sure your father will be pleased." + +Morgan was touched by the other's enthusiasm. + +"I have always misunderstood you," he cried, remorsefully; "you are +not the mere gross tradesman you boast of being." + +"Really, you embarrass me. Anyway, I hope that, now your opinion of me +has gone up, my advice will bear fruit. After which I shall not mind +confessing that that last nice bit is a quotation from my first novel. +I could have invented nothing more apropos." + +"You give me advice I am powerless to act on," said Morgan, after some +hesitation. "I spent my last shilling to-day." + +"No money!" ejaculated Ingram. "The deuce! Don't you draw a regular +income from your father?" + +"That was not the arrangement," said Morgan. "I was the first-born, +and he was mortally offended by my refusal to enter the bank and carry +on the name and the tradition of the house. During all those six years +there had been friction and bitterness between us. At last came an +appalling outbreak, and I was suffering from the full pain of my +wounds when I wrote to you. You were good enough to tell him that +genius sometimes earned quite considerable amounts, and the ultimate +result of your intercession, of which you only knew the happy issue, +not the details, was that he agreed to give me six thousand pounds, +with the understanding I was never to expect another penny from him. +My brother was to take my commercial birthright and I the +responsibility for my whole future. I've earned nothing save an odd +few shillings now and again, and all I had from my father I've somehow +managed to mess away." + +"Good God!" shrieked Ingram. "Six thousand pounds in five years! An +exemplary young man of simple habits like you! What could you +have done with it all? You're not a spendthrift. You don't gamble, do +you?" + +"I don't know how it has gone," said Morgan, helplessly. "I made bad +investments, I lent some of it away, and I suppose I spent the rest." + +"And you wanted to sell your soul to a publisher for fifty pounds a +year! The fact is, I suppose, you don't know the value of money at +all--it just melts away." + +"For me money has no value. I don't care a pin about it," said Morgan, +doggedly. + +"That's scarcely the point," said Ingram. "Whether you care about it +or not, you'll have to raise some of it. Let me interview your father. +The fault is his. He knew you were a poet, and yet he was imprudent +enough to give you capital instead of an income." + +"It was my doing. I wanted to be perfectly free and independent of +him--not to be worried by sordid complaints and lectures and warnings +with each quarter's cheque. I told him so frankly, and I so annoyed +him even at the end that he gave me the money, saying he did not care +what I did with it. I certainly intend to stand by the arrangement I +made with him. That money was to be the last, and the last it shall +be." + +"You are difficult," said Ingram. + +"You must be indulgent." + +Ingram lighted a new cigar and appeared lost in reflection a little +while. + +"There is only one thing, then, I can suggest," he said at last. + +"And that is?" asked Morgan, in a tone that clearly indicated his +belief that he was beyond all suggestions. + +"You can be my ghost. Don't be alarmed--you must do some work, you +know, and that is the only work I can think of for you. I have to +refuse very many commissions. Try your hand at some of them and I'll +run over the work and sign. As I've said before, you've got brains +enough if you'll only use them in the right direction." + +"You mean it for the best; but I could not be party to a fraud." + +"How so? My business in life is to manufacture stories and plays for +the people. My signature merely guarantees the quality just as the +name of a maker on a pianoforte guarantees the instrument. But every +such maker employs others whose names do not appear in connection with +the finished product." + +"The whole thing is impossible. Forgive me for ignoring your +arguments. I ought never to have troubled you with my miserable +concerns. It would, perhaps, have been better if I had never written +you this." + +And Morgan took up his own letter from the table, morbidly fascinated +by it, and impelled to read again the words that had been wrung from +him five years before by his torturing sense of his position in life. + +But, as he began to read, an odour he had been vaguely conscious of +inhaling all along was wafted very perceptibly to his nostrils. Then +he became aware that the letter was subtly scented. + +An unreasoning anger came upon him. + +"Some woman has had this in her possession," he exclaimed. + +Ingram looked at him strangely, hesitated, then seemed finally to +comprehend. + +"You are a veritable Lecoq," he said coolly. + +Then that conception of Ingram that had before begun to hover in +Morgan's mind now forced itself upon him wholly. He had always +understood that the man had been inclined to take him somewhat as a +good joke, but this he had not minded so much, so long as he believed +that his personality and his aspirations really interested him. Now +his sense of not having been looked upon seriously predominated, and +with it came an exaggerated consciousness of everything in Ingram that +was obnoxious to his spirit. If the re-reading of the letter had been +a torture for him, the knowledge that it had been ruthlessly exposed +to other eyes aggravated the pain tenfold, especially at this +particular moment. + +"And so this person, whose vile scent impregnates this, has had my +soul laid bare before her for her amusement!" + +"Whose vile scent?" repeated Ingram, angrily. "I must ask you not to +use such language about any friend of mine." + +"You went to her, no doubt, to be praised and fawned upon for your +generosity to me, and afterwards----" + +"Don't be a fool!" exclaimed Ingram, cutting him short. + +"Thank you. I shall take the advice. I have been a fool long enough." + +Morgan moved out of the room, leaving Ingram flushed and motionless. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +As Morgan had told Ingram, he had that day spent his last shilling. He +had thus no option but to walk home to his rooms in Chester Terrace, +Regent's Park. It was a long walk, and one had already struck, but he +did not hurry. The night was a fine one of early spring, and it suited +his mood to linger in the free air. + +He had not really gone to Ingram for advice, though he had been unable +to prevent his despair from showing itself. He was sorry that the +exhaustion of his funds should have come just at the moment when he +had resigned himself to the final abandonment of the ambition that had +determined his whole life. He was sure now that a mind like Ingram's +would inevitably set down his despair to his money difficulties. But +the next moment he told himself it was grotesque on his part to care +just then what inference Ingram might draw about him. Ingram and he +would be concerned with each other but little in the future! + +But what was the future to be? Were there not others who would be +fully as astonished as Ingram at learning the truth? And even if it +were possible for him to hide besides there was Margaret Medhurst. +What meaning could the future have for him without her? + +His old inner life had at length come to an end and he was now to pass +from it into he knew not what--perhaps a raw, cold air. And yet his +feeling now was not so entirely one of despair as when he had that +evening rung Ingram's bell. He seemed to have been stung out of his +terrible apathy. The smart had stirred up his deadened nerves. He was +trying to set in order the jumble that possessed his mind and to think +clear and straight. + +The vague figure of a scented woman reading his letter haunted him, +and at moments Ingram was added to the picture, and he saw them +uniting in mockery of him--prosaic, prosperous author, and strange, +romantic serpent-woman! + +Though that letter of five years before had been wrung from him, he +had written it with but the vaguest idea of sending it. A romantic +impulse had dictated its form as an appeal to a prominent novelist, +and it was only when he had finished it that the same romantic impulse +urged him to post it. His feeling about it was purely poetic, and he +scarcely realised he was addressing a real, living person. The +commercial world of literature was to him a mysterious, far-off chaos, +and at very bottom he had no belief the letter would be the means of +his getting nearer to it. + +So far as he was concerned at the moment, he had sent his bolt flying +into the clouds, and the contingency of its being shown about had +never occurred to him; moreover, if Ingram had left his appeal +unanswered, the fact he now resented so much would never have come +within the sphere of his consciousness. But to become cognisant of it +years later at a moment of despair humiliated him unbearably. The mere +re-reading of the letter had already humiliated him, for the lapse of +time, the change of circumstance, the literary degeneration of Ingram, +and his very acquaintance with the man, had made him feel the words +very differently than when they had come spontaneously out of his +blood. His sense of their futility added to his resentment. + +But as he now walked along he was beginning to be conscious that, side +by side with this resentment, had come something fantastic, something +luring, immanent in the far faintness of the scent that had perfumed +his letter. + +He found himself repeating Browning's lines with a sense of the thrill +and romance of life. + + "Heap cassia, sandal-buds and stripes + Of labdanum, and aloe balls, + Smeared with dull nard an Indian wipes + From out her hair: such balsam falls + Down seaside mountain pedestals, + From treetops, where tired winds are fain, + Spent with the vast and howling main, + To treasure half their island-gain. + + "And strew faint sweetness from some old + Egyptian's fine worm-eaten shroud, + Which breaks to dust when once unrolled; + Or shredded perfume, like a cloud + From closet long to quiet vowed, + With mothed and dropping arras hung, + Mouldering her lute and books among, + As when a queen, long dead, was young." + + +If his sense of overwhelming defeat made for despair, he was conscious +of his nature being effectively appealed to from another direction. If +he had that evening determined to throttle his ambition and write +poetry no more, he seemed to have become aware of the stirring of a +new motive for existence. But what it was he could not definitely tell +himself. + +And always before him rose the figure of the scented serpent-woman +holding his letter in her long fingers, her white teeth gleaming in +mockery! + +"I shall live--live!" he exclaimed, as he entered his own door at +last. + +He lighted the gas in his large, comfortable sitting-room, and noticed +there were letters for him on the mantel resting against the clock, +whose hands pointed to half-past two. + +But he would not look at them just yet. His was a strange mood just +then and he did not wish his thoughts disturbed. There was something +he had to do at once. Let the letters wait till he had finished. + +Again he heard Ingram's voice reading. Every word had branded itself +on him. + +Soon he had the large table littered with bundles of manuscript. They +represented his poetic output. Many of them had travelled far and +wide; never again should they be sent forth into the world to bring +him that which his heart had most desired. He took up one here and +there and ran his eye through it. Considering the years he had worked, +the output--for a young man's muse--was perhaps not large. But then he +had only taken up his pen when inspiration had come. Certainly during +the earlier years most of his time had been spent in reading and +study. Otherwise he had had a habit of losing himself in the play of +his imagination, awaking after having lived in worlds innumerable. +Thus the actual amount of verse he had produced in the first years was +really quite small. + +He could not help dawdling a little before proceeding with the work of +destruction. They were strange products, most of these poems of his; +mirroring vague metaphysical moods, unseizable mystic fancies; +incomprehensible save to one whose own inwardness they suggested, or +to one of infinite emotional sympathy. A blurred, shapeless spirit +brooded behind these melodious masses of words, these outpourings of +disconnected ideas--a spirit invisible for reason and responsive only +to divination, as love responds to love. Sometimes it was hidden amid +a flow of sensuous images; sometimes in an impression of a landscape, +of an atmospheric effect, of a play of light and shade. Such +impression was never pure and complete, such visual effect never +pictured for its own sake; for here and there amid it would lurk a +phrase that was not of it, that struck a note--an elusive +key-note--which set vibrating something haunting in its familiarity, +terrifying in its strangeness; something mocking and meaningless, that +went echoing away into the infinite. + +He had not been able to find contentment in the mere presentation of +beauty. Even where he dealt with the concrete there was always +something to destroy the semblance of reality. The world that was +revealed to his vision was a surface-world, for he had not pierced it +by experience, but only dimly through the medium of books, and the +elements it gave him he used freely. But his combinations of them +were seldom along the lines of the possible. Here a colour would flash +out at one; there a jewel would sparkle; now a perfume would be +wafted; now a bird would sing. But all this individual definiteness +was merged into a general blur, or formed itself into a sort of +kaleidoscopic pattern that subtly suggested a meaning to be seized. + +And all that Morgan now looked over again gave back to him the spirit +he had put into them. The gaps in his expression of that spirit he was +blind to. Shaped in the mould of his peculiar fantasy, these poems +lived for the mind that had created them, that had been compelled by +its own inner necessity to give them what was to him their particular +form, to others their very formlessness. + +His belief that this poetry was of immortal quality was unshaken, but +he had been born into a wrong world, he now told himself. He was aware +that he did not know the world of every-day affairs; that he was not +fitted to know it. The very thought of its swirling incomprehensible +activities turned him giddy; and if he walked amid it daily it was for +him pure visual perception. Beyond that perception he did not seek to +look and so he escaped discomfort. + +Well, let him not linger. His old life--the singer's life--was over, +and nothing of it must remain. + +The grate was a big one, but even then the work of destruction would +take some time. A fire had been laid that morning, but had not been +lighted. He put back the coals into the vase and filled the grate with +his manuscripts. Then, striking a match, he watched the blaze +blackening and curling up the edges of the sheets. + +When eventually the table was bare, he reflected it was strange he +should now feel so little emotion. His predominating sense was one of +physical fatigue, but the figure of the scented woman was still with +him. Would it not be splendid, he asked himself, now that his past +life lay there in a charred heap, to enter with his new life into the +life of this woman--nay, to win her away from Ingram? + +He took his letters. There were three of them, and they read as +follows: + + "My Dear Morgan:--This is to let you know I shall be in town + to-morrow. I want you to come and meet me at Victoria at one + o'clock and we shall lunch together before I go on to my hotel. + My chief business is to see friend Medhurst about my eyes. I fear + my present reading-glasses no longer suit me. By the way, I've + some splendid ideas for you to work out. It's quite clear to me + now from whom you inherited your genius. Mind you are in time. + Your dad, Archibald D. + + "P. S.--The 'Pleiad' to-day publishes that little poem of yours + about Diana. I feel very proud of being your father. Present my + regards to Mr. Ingram." + + +Morgan merely smiled. He had not had a poem published for many months, +and this was his first indication that the one in point had been +accepted. Curious, he reflected, it should just appear that day. + + + "Dear Prince Charming," ran the second. "This is to reproach you + for not coming yesterday afternoon. For two hours I waited + without giving up hope. Softest-hearted of mortals, for me alone + is your heart a stone! I had all the sensations of Mariana in + the moated grange, but whilst you are in the world, I certainly + shall not wish myself dead. + + "When are you going to take me to Whitechapel? My mind wanders + longingly from this prosaic Belgrave Square to yon fantastic + region. It's quite a month since we last got lost together. I + have next Monday and Thursday free. I wonder whether it will + occur to you to connect the two last sentences. Either day--or + both--will suit me. This doesn't count as a letter. I shall write + you a real one this evening. Helen." + + + "Dear Morgan," read the last. "As you have probably heard, your + father is coming to town to see Mr. Medhurst professionally, and + of course he is to dine here to-morrow evening. Come in and join + us; we shall be strictly _en famille_. By the way, Margaret has + not only finished 'Chiron' and the 'Spanish Marauder,' but she + has actually sold both! They look very well, indeed, in bronze. + Yours ever, Kate Medhurst. + + "P. S.--Diana sends her love and hopes that if you have any more + stamps you will bring them with you." + + +This postscript was in the writing of the young lady herself. + +The reading of these letters did not give him any pleasure just then. +These other lives in whose round he was an important figure were going +on without any intuition of his inner tragedy, without any suspicion +that they would henceforwards have to go on without him; that he could +no more carry them forward into his vague, new life than those equally +vital elements of his old self--his poems! How strangely did their +moods contrast with his--his father's playful good-humour, Lady +Thiselton's sprightly _camaraderie_ and Mrs. Medhurst's cheerful +domesticity! + +But the last letter made him wince. It was only a simple invitation, +but it hurt him as though a finger had been put on a raw wound. For +he, who had made a failure of his existence, whose one remaining link +with life was a mere grotesque possibility of an adventure with an +unknown serpent-woman, loved Margaret Medhurst with a poet's +despairing love. + +The figure of the scented woman floated up again. She had let the +letter fall into her lap now and her wonderful face seemed to smile at +him. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +He awoke in the morning, acceptant of what he had done in the night. A +calmness had set in and with it had come a clarification of his +thought. His grasp of the position was more definite, and his feeling +was that, to meet it adequately, he must disattach himself completely +from the past. + +But the future was mystic and seductive. + +However, his tendency to dwell on it had to be put aside in favour of +commonplace things that must be done immediately. As Ingram had +pointed out to him, he might be as indifferent to money as he pleased, +yet he must give it his first attention. Though ready cash was +exhausted, he remembered almost with surprise he had several +possessions that might be converted into it. + +His breakfast was served to him as usual, but he did not open the +promised letter which duly arrived from Lady Thiselton. His general +sense of things filled his mind sufficiently. + +His first business was to wait upon the family jeweller in Oxford +Street, from whom he had made occasional purchases for birthday +presents. The experience was a strange one for him, and he felt +somewhat timid about it. However, when he had explained what he +wanted, he was agreeably astonished at the man's insisting, with a +great show of goodwill towards him, he must accommodate him with +fifty pounds, and before Morgan had recovered from his flurry, he had +given an I. O. U. for the amount and had bank notes in his pocket. + +"Why, I shouldn't think of charging _you_ any interest," the jeweller +had declared, and Morgan was much puzzled to understand why. Nor did +he quite know what this piece of paper he had signed represented. + +He had now accomplished all the action his brain had planned, and it +was time to go and meet his father. And then it struck him as curious +that life seemed to be ignoring his ideas and to be taking him forward +despite himself. With all his intense feeling that he must complete +his disattachment from the past, its impetus was stronger than he. +Somehow he _must_ go and meet his father; he _must_ dine with the +Medhursts that evening. + +As was clear from Archibald Druce's note, the relation between father +and son was scarcely so theatrical as Ingram might have gathered from +Morgan's talk the evening before, a fact of which Morgan was well +aware. He had not really intended to give Ingram a theatrical +impression, but the somewhat subtle truth could never have been +conveyed in the few words they had had together, apart from the fact +that it must inevitably have got coloured by the mood of the moment. + +There had been many vicissitudes between father and son. The latter +well remembered the moment when, unable to keep his big idea to +himself any longer, he had divulged it to his father as they were +strolling together in the grounds one sunny afternoon. The two had +always been on the best of terms. Now Archibald Druce's ideas about +his Morgan's career had been definitely shaped for years. He intended +that the boy should, after passing through the University, enter the +banking business with which his whole life had been associated, and +ultimately become a partner therein. But Morgan's own idea of his +mission in life seemed to the banker so extraordinary that it made him +laugh outright. Unfortunately, too, in addition to pooh-poohing his +son's unexpected ambition, he went on, by way of implanting in him +sensible and serious views of life, to point out that the right to +spend money had to be acquired by effort expended. + +Morgan had made up his mind at a very boyish age that he was destined +to become an immortal bard; the conceptions he had then formed had +remained with him in all their boyish freshness. They were pure +conceptions, detached from the realities, of which he then knew +nothing. Poetry was a great and glorious thing, and when he first +decided that his whole life could be devoted to nothing nobler, he had +selected it away from the actual material circumstances from which +existence cannot be extricated. + +But in this first talk with his father he had already been brought +into collision with these sordid complications. Archibald's +well-intentioned scorn had inflicted a wound that pained still after +the lapse of years. Moreover, by raising financial questions, he had +unwittingly poured poison into that wound. Morgan, however, refused to +have his eyes opened and clung desperately to his detached conception +of poetry and the poet's life. + +The thought of his being destined for business terrified the lad. He +felt he could never live in the atmosphere of an office. He was born +to sing, to charm, to enchant. What had he to do with money? He must +argue with his father and convince him. And he effectually did succeed +in making him understand he was serious. The banker was upset, and +Morgan, carried along by the freshness and purity of his enthusiasm, +made an altogether wrong judgment of the position. For the first +opposition and the first clash of wills represented a bigger fact to +Morgan than it did to the father, who, not entirely understanding the +force of the ferment in his son's mind, as yet took it for granted +that time was only needed to eradicate this strange, startling +madness. He therefore pressed Morgan to proceed at once to the +University, in the belief he would take a more sensible view of things +when he was a few years older. But Morgan refused. He held to his +ambition with frenzied persistence, and he had felt the bitterness of +dependence. He determined, therefore, to try his wings at once, +remembering that money _was_ attached to success, and, in the optimism +of enthusiasm, forming impossible hopes of supporting himself before +long. + +Archibald Druce did not mind his being apparently idle for awhile, +and, by a sort of common understanding, the subject was not touched +upon between them for some time. Morgan perforce had to live at home, +and, as time went by, this very fact caused him a great deal of +misery. Perhaps the very magnificence of his surroundings made matters +worse for him. + +His mother, too, was against him, and, after awhile she seemed to +expend all the time she could spare from playing the rôle of _grande +dame_ in the county, in egging on his father against him. The sense of +her injustice embittered him, for he knew he could not fairly be +accused of spending his time unprofitably. He was studying perhaps +harder than he would have done at college, for he was a student almost +as much as he was poet. Of recreation, though, he had no stint. He +rode, fished, swam and boated; but always alone, for his instinct made +for solitude. With his brother he was not unfriendly, but there was no +intimate sympathy between the two. + +During the years that followed there were many fallings-out and +reconciliations between father and son. If the banker had been +entirely able to rid his mind of the plans he had so long cherished +for his son, he would have been quite content that the latter should +go through life as a gentleman of wealth and leisure. But he was +wedded to the business to which he had given the best energies of his +life, and the idea that Morgan must eventually take his place in it +amounted almost to an obsession. A reconciliation always made Morgan +happy, for its own sake quite as much as for the belief that his +ambition was being recognised. Estrangement and friction were always +terrible things to him and caused him unspeakable suffering. + +His letter to Ingram was the culmination. It was sincere and expressed +exactly what he felt. The immediate cause of the mood which prompted +it had been Archibald's putting before him again all the old +propositions and his letting it be clearly seen he had never really +abandoned them. + +Then followed a few months of happiness in London. At last he felt +master of his own destiny--free of all that had vexed him, free to +succeed. But the routine of his days was much the same as before. He +studied and wrote and dreamed. Now and again he was allowed to come +and chat with Ingram. Friends of the family made him welcome at their +houses whenever he chose to emerge from the isolation that was natural +to him. At the Medhurst's, in particular, he was almost one of the +family. + +But, some time after Morgan's leaving home, Archibald Druce retired +from active affairs and began to acquire the taste for reading. And +now came a great change in Archibald's attitude. Morgan one day +realised with astonishment that his father had become perfectly +reconciled to the idea of his following a literary career, nay, that +he was now proud of having a son who was a man of letters. Archibald, +in fact, seemed to be relishing the literary atmosphere tremendously. +He made constant additions to his library, consulting Morgan as to the +choice of books, and spent a great part of his time amid its oaken +magnificence. He read very many novels, buying the newest ones as they +appeared. When Morgan's first volume of poems was published, Archibald +went about in a state of intense excitement. He bought fifty copies to +give away, and never went abroad without carrying one in his pocket. +He bragged and boasted about Morgan, till one might have imagined the +latter had scornfully refused the laureateship. + +Morgan, however, had no great respect for his father's literary +judgment. It was all very well when he came to him for advice about +his reading, but there were times when the banker did not hesitate to +lay down the law, for he was growing accustomed to a respectful +hearing on the part of his friends, which was somewhat spoiling him. +All his world knew he had trouble with his eyes. As a matter of fact, +his sight was scarcely worse than it had been for years, his visual +weakness being little more than imaginary, and but one of the +manifestations of his literary phase. + +Altogether, Archibald Druce seemed quite satisfied with Morgan's slow +progress. Once he had finally got rid of the notion of making Morgan a +banker, he was a delightful man to have for a father, a fact which +Morgan fully appreciated. Often had he asked the latter if "he were +all right for money," and Morgan had replied he was; so that he knew +quite well his father would take a very lenient view of his +expenditure and had no desire at all to hold him to the arrangement +made. But Archibald always limited himself to the general question, +and never sought to know whether Morgan was living on his interest or +spending the capital. + +The relation between the two now was a perfectly hearty one. The +banker was glad to have Morgan home for a few days now and again, and +equally enjoyed coming to town occasionally to see him. But in spite +of his father's liberality and cordiality, Morgan's pride, combined +with the sense of his failure, made him determine never to come upon +the paternal purse again. It was this very pride perhaps that had made +him somewhat distort his father's attitude--rather by implication than +by any definite statement--in his last evening's conversation with +Ingram. + +He was but too conscious of that attitude as he waited on the platform +for the train to arrive--it had gradually become an intolerable irony +to him. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +"I'm perfectly ravenous," said Archibald Druce. "We must lunch at +once." + +Morgan restrained his usual impatient stride, falling in with the +slow, dignified step of his sire, who, though of broad build, would +have been as tall as his son, had it not been for a slight stoop, of +which he was proud, as it gave him an air of erudition. + +They repaired to a restaurant close at hand and had a sumptuous lunch +served them. Archibald, who had a weakness for punning, was in one of +his gayest moods, and was not above being occasionally appreciated by +the waiter. Morgan did his best to appear cheerful; he did not wish +his father to suspect anything was amiss. He listened to a humourous +account of home affairs with smiling face, even interposing a few +humourous comments of his own. Eventually he enquired about his +father's eyesight and Archibald's face brightened still more. Soon the +banker grew eloquent on the subject, detailing all the minute symptoms +a morbid attention had detected. + +"But I've great faith in John--he's the cleverest oculist in the +Kingdom. And so I thought I'd better come up to town and see him +before--ha, I was just going to let my secret slip out!" + +And Archibald sipped his coffee and beamed at Morgan behind his gold +spectacles. + +"That sounds like a direct encouragement to me to be inquisitive," +said Morgan. + +"Well, if you'd like to know the secret, it's simply this: I'm going +to write a book." + +"What about?" Morgan's tone and gesture summed up his amused +astonishment. + +"A good many things," answered Archibald, his face assuming a serious +expression. "You see, I've got into the habit of thinking a good deal +of late, and I've come to the conclusion I ought to be putting my +thoughts down on paper. New ideas occur to me almost every day, and +I'm really beginning to feel that a man like myself can derive more +mental culture from the free play of his own original thought than +from simply following other men's, however admirable it be. The latter +course rather encourages a certain mental laziness, whereas in +thinking for oneself so many points occur which cannot be passed over +till they have been wrestled with and vanquished. Now yesterday, for +instance, some very stiff problems occurred to me--as thus: Can a man +justly lay claim to merit for the talents he possesses, and is it +immodest of him to let others perceive by his conversation that he is +quite aware he possesses them? Or, on the contrary, is not the fact +that he is talented purely a piece of good fortune, and would it not +be the merest humbug on his part to pretend to be blind to it? Again, +if a man performs what is called a good deed, ought he to claim merit +for that? Does not the performance of such a deed give one pleasure, +and is not that pleasure the real end in view? It has struck me of +late that on such points there's a great confusion of thinking, and +between ourselves, Morgan, I've been lately arriving at conclusions +that most people would call revolutionary and dangerous. But I set +truth above all things, and I can't do better than devote my remaining +years to its service. Now, I think I have really sufficient material +for an original and interesting volume. I have been a man of affairs +all my days, and I think the views of such a man who has lived in +contact with the world should at least be as valuable as those of a +college professor who has been secluded from it. It is really about +this volume I propose to write that I want to consult you. I have made +a memorandum of a few points I should like to thresh out thoroughly +with you." + +Morgan was rather startled at this sudden and serious awakening of +literary ambition in his father, though he had before now had many a +hint that he was wrestling with formidable ethical and moral +difficulties. He could see Archibald had set his heart on writing the +book, so he could not do otherwise than encourage him. It would simply +keep him enjoyably occupied, and, as the task would no doubt cause him +to dip into accredited works on ethical science, he would ultimately +discover that the problems he had chanced upon were not quite so +original as he supposed. + +But even while Morgan discussed the idea with his father, he had a +curious dream-like consciousness of his own affairs, which somehow +seemed to be retarded by this appearance of the banker in London. And, +all the time he was endeavoring to concentrate himself on the +conversation, he was aware of that floating vision which had never +ceased to haunt him. + +Minute details respecting the work were gone into, even to the colour +of the paper on which it was to be written. Morgan did not know +whether blue or buff was the more restful for the eyes, and the +question was left open for John Medhurst to decide. Archibald looked +tremendously pleased at his son's reception of his project, and it +certainly raised his opinion of Morgan's judgment. + +"I'm glad to see you've not been spoiled by success, Morgan," he could +not help saying. + +It was a strange irony, Morgan thought, that his father's acceptance +of him should be so complete just when he himself had finally +abandoned all hope. The reflection would have been a bitter one had he +not found Archibald's pride in him amusing, in view of the latter's +new theories about "merit." + +Later on, at the hotel, Archibald produced the copy of the "Pleiad," +which contained the verses inspired by Margaret Medhurst's younger +sister, and insisted on reading them aloud. His paternal pride was +more than satisfied by the small sum total of Morgan's published work, +and each little addition to it furnished an occasion of great +excitement for him. + +Of course, Ingram was mentioned before long, and Morgan had to say +that that gentleman and he were no longer friends. Archibald said he +was sorry, and looked it. He considered Ingram a great author, and the +breach rather a misfortune. + +"Is there no hope of smoothing things over?" he asked. "Why not take +me into your confidence? I flatter myself I have had some experience +in patching up even serious differences between people, and you know +I'm at your disposal." + +Time had, indeed, brought about a strange reversal of rôle between the +banker and Ingram. + +Morgan explained that Ingram had behaved in such a way as to make him +revise his estimate of him, but that it would scarcely serve any +purpose to go into details. + +The banker again said he was sorry, and looked it still more than +before. Anyhow, as the subject was so obviously disagreeable to +Morgan, he would not allude to it again. + +In the afternoon they took a little stroll together, and, after +partaking of a cup of tea, they parted, promising to see each other at +Wimpole Street. + +"By the way," said his father, at the last moment, "I hear from Katie +that they haven't seen very much of you of late, and that you had +struck them as pre-occupied. She even seemed rather doubtful about +your coming this evening. I hope you don't stick too long at your +desk. I've long since found out that sort of thing is a mistake." + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Morgan arrived rather late at Wimpole Street, for father and son had +dallied almost till evening. However, he was the earlier of the two, +and he took the opportunity of presenting Diana with the stamps he had +got together for her and of chatting with her about her collection and +her newest acquisitions. He was relieved to find that Mrs. Medhurst +gave him his usual warm welcome, but at the same time he felt rather +guilty about his unsuspected intention to cease all relations with the +family. This house was more associated with happiness for him than any +other place in the world; he had passed in it perhaps the best moments +of his life. He had always been a favourite with the Medhursts, and +they had believed in him and taken his part even in the early days +when he had been looked at askance in his own family. + +Were oblivion of all else possible, he would have felt to-night +supremely happy, for that needed but the sole condition of his being +where he was. But he thought of the borrowed money in his pocket, of +the charred remains of his manuscripts, of his hopeless love for +Margaret, now so near him, speaking to him, of the vague future to +which he was going to abandon himself. And the comfort he could not +help finding here mingled strangely with the emotions that troubled +his spirit and gave him a quivering sense of unrest. + +The link between him and the Medhursts had been from the first one of +more than ordinary friendship. For, some thirty years before, when +Mrs. Medhurst was only seventeen, Archibald Druce had been a suitor +for her hand. But her romance with John Medhurst had already begun, +and she waited to marry her true love seven years later. Though +Archibald married within a few years of his rejection, he had all but +kept Kate to her promise to be a sister to him all his life. Certainly +he had remained one of her most devoted admirers. + +Mrs. Medhurst was still beautiful, and even Morgan admitted that she +was just the mother a girl like Margaret ought to have. Her face was +winning and sweet, and the simplicity of her attire held no suggestion +of severity. Morgan's eye was pleased by the quiet harmony of the gray +silk dress with its silver girdle and its touches of silver at the +throat and wrists. + +Margaret herself was only just nineteen. Taller than her mother by +half a head, she was built with a slender grace and a rare purity of +outline. A somewhat high forehead lent her distinction, perhaps +accentuating the shade of thoughtfulness that was characteristic of +her expression, and that never clashed with its sweetness; rather were +the two qualities blended into a charming spirituality. Her dark blue, +velvety eyes suggested the clear depth of a stream, her cheeks were +modelled in a full, soft curve, her nostrils were delicately +chiselled, and her mouth was small, red and sweet. The neck showed +cool and white above the silver-blue of her girl's soft, silk evening +gown that came almost to her throat. Margaret rather affected +silver-blue--she knew quite well it made her adorable; for, being a +sweet human being, she had just a charming touch of vanity, and would +have been less charming without it. The only other note of colour was +given by the quaint silver buckle at her waist, for the sash was of +the same material as the gown itself. + +At sixty-three, Archibald Druce--for the old fellow's heart was still +susceptible--worshipped her almost as much as he had once worshipped +her mother. And Morgan had only realised how she had grown into his +spirit just when despair had begun to show itself again. The discovery +had perhaps given him a fresh spurt of hope, but the charred mass had +marked the end of that. + +John Medhurst was somewhat past fifty, and his beard was getting just +a little grey. He was of medium height, and wore spectacles himself--a +fact which, in view of his profession, had given Archibald endless +material for humour. His manner and voice alike were singularly soft +and gentle. He possessed both a sense of humour and a quiet humour of +his own; and his laugh was always ready to ring out. Sometimes it +struck Morgan that Margaret's features were hinted at in his face even +more than in Mrs. Medhurst's, but so subtly, that the resemblance +would seem to vanish for long stretches of time, and he would only be +able to detect it at odd moments. + +Archibald arrived quite half an hour late, so that his ferocious knock +and ring caused general rejoicing. His spirits invariably mounted as +soon as he set foot on the Medhursts' doorstep, and, once within the +house, he overflowed with jest and laughter, extracting fun and +merriment from anything and everything, making rather a terrible noise +and enjoying every instant. + +"My scamp of a boy and I got talking together," he explained, in +high-pitched apology. "Now, Morgan has some ideas in that head-piece +of his"--here he tapped his son playfully on the skull--"so that when +we two _do_ get talking together, we both find it so fascinating that +we lose all count of time. I've had quite a rush to get here, though I +see Morgan has raced me. I suppose that, at my age, I mustn't +expect----" + +"To keep pace with the youngsters." + +Margaret finished the sentence for him in playful anticipation of his +platitudinarianism. Archibald took her in his arms and kissed her on +the forehead, with a "No harm at my age, my dear," after which he +laughed gleefully, and proceeded to kiss Diana on the lips, adding: +"No harm at _your_ age, my dear." + +"I'm thirteen, and I shall really not allow that sort of thing any +more," said Diana, severely. + +"Not from me--your sweetheart!" exclaimed Archibald. "Ah! I +understand," he went on. "It's the grown-up frock." + +She was in a shaped dress to-day, but he had recalled her as she was +in her poke-bonnet days, when she had been wont to accept the same +kind of salutation without demur. It did not seem so very long ago +since he had seen her bare-kneed, in short, crimson skirts and all +sorts of fantastic caps and brilliant turbans; and he now reminded her +of the fact, undeterred by the haughtiness of her mien and the +arrogantly rippling masses of golden-brown hair, just a shade darker +than Margaret's. + +She gave him a withering glance that asked how he dared! + +"Perhaps it's not the frock. It's the poem in the 'Pleiad.' Morgan has +turned her head," recommenced Archibald. + +"Morgan, take me down, please," said Diana, majestically ignoring her +tormentor, who thereupon offered his arm to Mrs. Medhurst, and +Margaret and her father brought up the rear. + +But when they came to take their seats, they somehow got mixed up +again, so that Morgan found himself next to Margaret, whilst Diana and +Archibald sat opposite. Morgan had more than a suspicion that this was +the result of adroit manoeuvring on Diana's part. Very soon, however, +there arose such a clattering dispute between that young lady and her +neighbour, that Morgan could not talk to his, which made him rather +angry. Anyhow, it was impossible not to be amused after a while by the +altercation, for Diana's tongue was ready and brisk and attacking. +Margaret was a far less militant character, and would never strike, +were there the slightest chance of wounding. Diana's aim was always to +wound, and to wound deeply, provided it was some dear friend she was +pitted against. + +In view of the fact that this was the last visit he purposed to the +Medhursts, Morgan had been feeling that a close conversation with +Margaret would prove too much of an ordeal for him, and he had +determined to talk to her as little as possible. But somehow he did +not find himself welcoming the practical inhibition from the other +side of the table; it gave him a sense of frustrated desire. If his +will made him say "I must not talk to her intimately, for I shall lose +all the ground I have gained by purposely avoiding this house so long; +I shall be drawn back close to her and, as the parting must come +nevertheless, the greater will be its anguish," his temperament made +reply: "What! you calculating effects, whose business has always been +poetry? Let your business still be poetry, but weave it out of life +instead of words. Abandon yourself without underthought. Live in that +wonderful region which is here, even as it is everywhere, but in which +only the souls of poets may wander and rejoice." And his temperament +prevailed over his will. He allowed the full flow of love to flood his +spirit. Great poems were summed up in one quick flash; in a second he +lived through a century of fine words. + +And, as if divining his thought, she turned to him and spoke. Her +words seemed softly to ring through the din, and he gave himself up to +the full delight of the moment. + +"Do you know, Morgan"--for he was always "Morgan" to everybody +there--"a great change has occurred in my dignity the last few days?" + +"You are to marry a peer," he hazarded. + +"I have risen much higher than that." + +"You were at the utmost height." + +"I only moved in yesterday, with my benches and mess and clay and wax +and tools. Pa had a hole made in the roof and a top light put in. I +feel so pleased with my studio, and, of course, I mean to entertain +there. We shall have such gay times, and I've a fine excuse for +keeping the company young and select." + +"Too high up for old legs?" + +"How shrewd!" she exclaimed. "I see that for real worldly insight one +must go to a poet." + +"Thank you. This is the first time I've been accused of common sense." + +"That is hardly to be wondered at. Your poems have every other +quality. You'll come up and see my studio anyhow?" + +"By moonlight?" + +"No, by candle light. And you the bearer, like the Latin motto on one +of my old school books." + +Meanwhile the combat opposite still raged, and in the end Archibald +and Diana had to be parted almost by force. Diana sent a final shot +from the door, and then scampered away. + +"The little rogue!" murmured Archibald, and then broke into one of +those unrestrained laughs which he usually reserved for his own +witticisms. + +The three men drew near the fire. Medhurst said something about taking +Diana in hand. She had been somewhat spoiled at school, being looked +upon as a sort of demi-goddess by her classmates. Archibald declared +he wouldn't have her any different for the world. What was the good of +a girl if she was just the same as any other girl? Thence, proceeding +to attack convention, Archibald eventually steered the conversation +round to the contribution he himself purposed making to ethical +philosophy, for he had been waiting for an opportunity to let Medhurst +into the secret. + +"It's curious that the more one thinks, John, the more one gets one's +notions upset. I know quite well that most people would think it a +highly dangerous doctrine to put forward, but I really cannot see that +the man who is a saint deserves any more to be praised than the man +who is a murderer. The murderer is simply unfortunate and ought to be +pitied. Nature gave him the impulse to murder--in fact, on a closer +analysis, all personal responsibility seems to disappear." + +"And what does your wife say to all this? Isn't she rather alarmed?" +asked Medhurst. + +"My wife!" exclaimed the banker, contemptuously. "She's hopelessly +behind the times. Why, she's a perfect child. She takes no interest in +anything beyond the tittle-tattle of the county. We had quite a scene +the other day because I gave expression to my opinion that young +people should be properly instructed in life by means of explanatory +handbooks, instead of being left to gather their knowledge haphazard. +I have never known her to make a single original remark--her +observations are invariably the most obvious. Morgan should be +thankful for the happy hazard of nature which fashioned his brain +rather in the mould of mine than in that of his mother." + +"And so you really intend publishing?" said Medhurst. + +"I am not afraid. People must be taught to look the problems of life +straight in the face. Truth must be driven home, my dear John, and it +is my intention to say some pretty straight things to the world." + +"Have you yet fixed on a title?" asked Medhurst, secretly amused at +this sudden, strange development on the part of his old friend. + +"Ah! there's just the difficulty. It was one of the first questions I +put to myself--what about the title? The thing is to get a good +striking one, and that's by no means an easy task. The title of a book +is almost as important as its contents, and, confound it all, my dear +John, I'm blessed if it doesn't take nearly as long to manufacture. +I've been cudgelling my brains for the last three months, and I must +confess my mind is an absolute blank so far." + +"Why not call it 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical Thinker?'" suggested +Morgan. "And perhaps you might add a sub-title--'An attempt to +investigate some questions of primary importance that are usually +shelved.' How does that strike you?" + +"Splendid!" exclaimed Archibald, enthusiastically. "'Plain Thoughts of +a Practical Thinker'--the very thing. 'An attempt to investigate some +questions of primary importance that are usually shelved.' Admirable! +'Practical Thinker!' That is just the idea I want to convey to the +world. I am not one of your mere dreamers, your theorists, your college +professors. I speak as one who has had a large experience of men and +affairs, as one who has for years administered the fortunes of a great +house. And yet I have sufficient of the thinker and the idealist in me +to have begotten a son whose name will live in English letters. It will, +Morgan, I tell you. You are a little bit misunderstood now, but what +great man has ever escaped misunderstanding? I expect to be misunderstood, +but if they think I am to be howled down--'Plain Thoughts of a Practical +Thinker!' A perfect inspiration! Suppose we join the ladies. I want to +tell Kate about it." + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +While Archibald unfolded his literary scheme to Mrs. Medhurst, Diana +mimicking his enthusiastic gestures at a safe distance, Morgan and +Margaret sat apart in that region of the drawing-room which lay +nearest the door. She had been telling him about some parties she had +gone to, and he, terribly jealous of the men who had danced with her, +made pretence to rally her about them. She, however, remained quite +calm, admitting cheerfully she _had_ a good many admirers, who filled +her programme, and whom it was always pleasant to meet. Then they were +both silent and looked at each other. + +"Once upon a time," said Margaret, deciding at length to speak her +mind; "_you_ used to be one of those who wrote on my programme. Now +you never appear anywhere. I suppose you are afraid you might have to +talk to me a little." + +"You are unjust," he said somewhat bitterly. "It is not kind of you to +say such things." + +"If a friend suddenly develops a distaste for one's company and +manifests it as markedly as you have, how can one be blind to it? You +are a changed man, Morgan. In two months you have come here once to +tea, and you had not even the decency to put on a cheerful face. Such +a lackadaisical expression you had! And not even an enquiry about my +great works. You seemed to be saying the whole time, 'How you +commonplace people depress me--me, the genius, the genius; you are +killing my inspiration.'" + +Something in his look checked her. + +"Genius suffers from fits of melancholy as well as from fits of +inspiration," he reminded her. + +"Poor Morgan!" said Margaret, softening. "And so you've had a fit of +melancholy! What a long one, too! All the same, I ought to reproach +you for not believing in our sympathy. Well, I suppose now I may tell +mamma not to be afraid to send you a card for our dance next month." + +"I had no idea your mamma was so timid a person," he said, with +successful evasion. "And how goes Chiron, how the Spanish marauder? +And how much did you get for them?" he went on gaily, in one breath. +"You see I am well posted in your affairs." + +"Well, since you _are_ a little bit interested, come." + +Instinctively they looked towards the other group. Archibald still +harangued Mrs. Medhurst, endeavouring to prove to her that John's +abilities were no merit of his, any more than her beauty was a merit +of hers. A happy accident was the cause of either, and he had been +intellectually wrong in lavishing so many compliments on her during +all these years. + +Morgan and Margaret left the room quietly, and stole up the stairs on +tip-toe, like two children at play. Right on the top landing Margaret +threw open a door, and Morgan peered into a shadowy abyss, for the one +gaslight was round a corner by which its rays were cut off from this +part of the landing. + +"The candle is on a ledge in the hall," explained Margaret, +disappearing within the darkness; and in a second he heard her strike +a light. + +"This is the hall," she went on. "I insisted on pa having it +partitioned off from the rest of the room--though, as you see, only by +a sort of green baize screen that doesn't reach to the ceiling. But it +makes the place ever so much more romantic." + +Morgan stepped into the tiny vestibule, which was fitted with a little +oak table, and passed through a door in the green baize into the attic +itself. + +"Was I not to be the candle-bearer?" he asked, taking the light from +her. "What a tremendous place!" + +"It's perfectly ripping," said Margaret, "though I reckon it won't +hold more than four of us when we're in a gay mood. That's an old +piano. It takes up a lot of room, but there's still a good deal of +thumping to be got out of it. As yet the place is quite bare, but all +next week I'm going to hunt up odd things in back streets, and when +you come again you'll be astonished at the transformation. All that +mess there covered up in the corner--well, you can guess what it +consists of." + +"And where are Chiron and the Spanish gentleman?" + +"The first casts are on the mantel yonder--lost in the gloom. Pa wants +them for the drawing-room, but I am so childishly pleased, I can't +part with them yet. The moulds were to be destroyed after sixty +examples of each had been taken. I have received twenty-five pounds +each. You see, Morgan, I, too, am a genius." + +On closer examination Morgan found he could conscientiously extol +Margaret's handiwork. From a technical point of view both figures were +excellent, and there was a virility and vigour in the handling which +one would scarcely have associated with the work of a young lady +modeller, and which certainly showed she had towered above her +material. The Spanish Marauder swaggered along in helmet, +breast-plate, doublet and hose, a hare and pheasant slung jauntily +over his shoulder, and his jolly, devil-may-care face, that had +evidently smelt powder, full of an arrogant self-satisfaction. The +Chiron was a strong piece of anatomical modelling. The ancient +centaur, indeed, looked very wise and very noble, and the horse into +which he merged was arranged with quiet skill in its lying posture, so +that not a line, limb, hoof or muscle struck a note of awkwardness. + +"Then you think I really am worth talking to--a little?" asked +Margaret. + +He set down the light on the mantelshelf and somehow found himself +holding her hand. Neither appeared to be aware of the fact. + +"My dear Margaret, I was hoping you had accepted my fit of +melancholy----" + +"You stupid Morgan! I only wanted you to tell me how clever I am. I am +so greedy for praise--because I haven't any of those melancholy fits, +and my vanity must be gratified _somehow_. At least, when I do have +the mopes I always know the reason, and it has never been anything +connected with my genius." + +"What! you don't mean to say that you ever----" + +"Sometimes," she interrupted. "A good deal of late, only, unlike you, +I never let anybody guess." + +"I thought you were a perfectly happy girl in the first flood of +enthusiasm for your work and with all those nice men to admire you." + +Her fingers tightened perceptibly on his. + +"If you continue to plague me about those nice men, Morgan, you shall +not have a single dance next time, but you'll just see those nice men +get them all." + +"I am sure you don't look a bit as if you could devise such cruel +torture." + +"Would it be a very terrible punishment?" + +"I would do any penance to avoid it." + +"You'd look too comic in sackcloth and ashes. Come to my +studio-warming instead." + +"A charming penance, Margaret." + +"Perhaps we ought to go down now," she suggested, irrelevantly. + +He took up the light again. + +"Have you fixed the date for the warming?" + +"Impossible yet. But I'll send you----" + +"Not cards--now you've moved up into Bohemia!" + +"Oh, no. A little pink note. I hope that is the correct thing in +Bohemia, or, at least, that it isn't incorrect." + +"In Bohemia there are no correct things." + +"What an awful place it must be. Whatever one does is wrong." + +"On the contrary, whatever one does is right." + +"Then all things are correct in Bohemia!" + +"How can that be, Margaret? There are things--no, there aren't, +and--and--I'm afraid I've got myself into an awful tangle. You've +quite turned my head with your logic." + +He began to move across the room towards the door. + +"If it's only my logic that turns your head, then I take everything +back. I won't speak to you ever again." + +"My goodness!" began Morgan, losing his wits, forgetting he held the +candle and letting it fall. The light vanished like a spectre. "I beg +your pardon," he ejaculated, in some astonishment, whilst Margaret's +laugh rang out. + +Just as he stooped down to recover the candle, they became aware of +footsteps, and in a moment the handle of the outer door was being +turned. + +"All dark," said Diana's voice. "Then I suppose they're not here--or, +at least, I shouldn't like to think they were. I fancy Marjy put a +candle and matches on the table." + +They heard the sound of her fumbling, and, as if by common +understanding, they remained still as mice. Then Diana declared the +things weren't there, and Archibald suggested they might inspect the +place in the dark. + +"I certainly shall do nothing so improper," returned Diana severely. +"There must be match-light at least. I draw the line at that. Produce +your pretty, golden box." + +Diana opened the green baize door, and Archibald struck a light. + +"Ho, ho!" he said, playfully. + +"We are evidently _de trop_" said Diana. "Let us retire." + +"Be careful," called Margaret. "You'll burn your fingers." + +But the mischief was already done. Archibald uttered a "d--n," threw +down the end of the match and stamped on it wrathfully. + +Morgan picked up the fallen candle, lighted it and replaced it on the +mantelshelf. The wax was broken in the middle, and the top part +leaned disconsolately to one side. + +"We are sorry to have unwittingly interfered with your little +arrangement," said Margaret, curtseying in mock apology. "But you are +quite welcome to make free of my humble abode, so we shall leave you +in possession. Come, Morgan." And the two swept out of the room. + +"Come and lunch with me to-morrow at the hotel," said Archibald to +Morgan, as he got into a hansom an hour later. "We'll spend the +afternoon together. There are some points about my book I want to +settle. 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical Thinker!' Splendid title! +Morgan, you're indeed a genius. 'An attempt to investigate some +questions of primary importance that are usually shelved.' That just +hits it off--the very book I intended to write!" + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +When his father had driven off, Morgan, seized with a restlessness, +began to stroll slowly homeward. He had at least wrung some happiness +from the evening. His love for Margaret had been strong enough to +absorb him, save when at moments his sense of his general position had +obtruded. But now he surrendered himself once more to the mood which +the events of the day had interrupted. + +He was again conscious of the tragedy of his past life with its +culminating episode of the evening before, and of the infinite +possibility that life held of mystery and fantasy--a mystery and +fantasy into which he was going to plunge. The hours he had just +enjoyed, he told himself, must not be allowed to influence him. They +must be sternly isolated from the future; the disattachment of the new +life before him from the wreckage of the old must be complete. + +Wreckage! He used the word deliberately, though he was aware there +were elements in the position that would have made his estimate of it +seem grotesque to many ears. + +He was the son of a father of unlimited wealth, who idolised him now. +In addition to very many acquaintanceships, both in London and the +country, that were pleasant even if they did not occupy the centre of +his consciousness, he had the friendship of Lady Thiselton and the +more intimate though less fantastic relation with the Medhursts. And, +moreover, he was in love with a beautiful and talented girl, who, he +modestly felt, had a great esteem for him--though any other eyes than +those of the diffident lover would have seen at a glance that she +loved him in return. + +How could all these things fail to make a man happy, especially when +the man was only twenty-eight years old? + +But Morgan's happiness was dependent on his attitude towards things, +not on the things themselves. And just now he but perceived all these +elements that might have made another life enviable as so many +ironies. His ambition--his self-realisation and its recognition by his +fellows--had been all in all to him; its abandonment had been the +culmination of anguish infinite. The best years of his youth had been +lost in vain effort, and some of the bitterness of early opposition +that success might have purged still lingered in his spirit. His +nature was proud and sensitive and his very failure made it impossible +for him to ask for more money, even though he knew it would be +forthcoming without stint. What wonder now if he perceived his life as +a tragedy! + +Common Sense would have advised him to put on one side all emotions +and moods that arose out of and summed up the past, all the subtle +feelings that possessed and mastered him; would have urged him to +begin a new epoch, seek the paternal aid, retain his friendships, and +persevere in his love; would have given him assurance of a perfectly +satisfactory outlook if he would but readjust his mental focus. + +But Common Sense is obtuse and safe. Morgan was a mass of fine +sensibility; his temperament was full of subtle light and +shade--therefore dangerous. Plain-souled, clumsy-handed Common Sense, +with perception limited to the thick outlines of character, could not +have comprehended him, and would unwittingly have confessed it by +classifying him contemptuously. + +Morgan had lived his own life--felt it. His present estimation of it +was, therefore, spontaneous; not a cold estimation by mere intellect, +but a living one by his whole complex being. And, as the result, he +was meditating, at this period of pause and summing-up, to carry +forward all that Common Sense would have suppressed, and to suppress +all that Common Sense would have carried forward, to sacrifice all the +inter-relations with others that constituted his outer life--even as +he had already sacrificed the expression of his corresponding inner +life; retaining only his emotional unrest. + +And the seductive picture of the scented serpent-woman, ever smiling +at him now with gleaming teeth, symbolised the future for him, and +alone preserved the continuity of interest that stimulated him to go +forward at all. His attitude, in some respects, was analogous to that +of a romantic boy playing with the idea of running away from home, +drawn by visions of marvellous adventures in strange lands. The sequel +might be vague and in the clouds, but that very fact only made it the +more fascinating. + +His temperament had said to him that evening: "Let your business still +be poetry, but weave it out of life instead of out of words." The +thought resurged in his brain and then it struck him as crystallising +his whole feeling about the future course of his existence, as +furnishing the key to his position. + +To make of life a fantasy, a poem, a dream! The idea was an +illumination. + +But beyond a half-considered intention of changing to humbler rooms +and hiding therein from his world, he did not meditate any definite +activity. The feeling at the bottom of his mind was rather that events +would shape themselves. To this attitude of passivity his whole life +had tended. His will-strength had gone into his passionate desire of +poetic achievement, and were it not that he had, so to speak, grown +into relation with others, his life would have been utterly static. +The movement of their lives alone had taken his along. He had not the +least idea now how he was going to become acquainted with the strange +woman who filled his thoughts, but, without actually translating his +feelings on the point into definite terms, he counted it as a +certainty that a path would somehow be opened. It pleased him, too, to +think that he owed his cognisance of her existence to that first +impulse which had caused him to write to Ingram. That fantastic +initiation had set in motion fantastic life-waves that were now +flowing back to him. + +For others the regularities of existence, the steady round of work, +the care and hoarding of money; for him the mystery and the colour of +life! + +And in a flash of insight he seemed to understand that the poet in him +had already asserted itself in his life as well as in his work. Was it +not the very curiousness of his relationship with Ingram had made it +so palatable? Was it not the strangeness of his friendship with Lady +Thiselton and the originality of her personality that appealed to him +so much, and was it not his imaginative side that had always been so +pleased with both? Was it not his peculiar temperament that had always +made him keep his relation with each person a thing apart, so that +each was unaware of the others; that had made him like to feel that +his life, in a manner, was cut up into strips, along each of which he +could look back with a certain sense of completeness, though it was +only by the nice fusion of all these isolated completenesses that his +existence could be seen as a whole? + +But underneath the imaginative spirit of the poet lay the human spirit +of the man. And if the former predominated the latter was not entirely +dormant. If the poet in him coloured his life and thought, it was the +man in him that felt the results, so that the instincts of the poet +often clashed with the sympathies and affections of the man. Of this +discord within himself he could not help being aware, but he knew it +purely by its effect, for he had never searched deeply into the +complexity of his nature. + +Thus it was that the man in him was grieved at his having had to make +promises of further visits to the Medhursts; was paying for every +grain of happiness wrung from the evening by a reaction of pain +unspeakable. But the poet in him governed, was trying to suppress the +man. + +He was roused from his meditations by a familiar voice when he was but +a few feet from his own door. + +"I have been hovering about for a quarter of an hour." + +He was startled, then laughed. The veiled woman stood on tip-toe and +kissed him on the forehead, he stooping mechanically to meet her +movement. + +"You don't mind the veil?" she said. + +"How did you know I was not indoors and abed by this time?" he asked. + +"I didn't know. I only came to meditate in the moonlight. I have been +enjoying such exquisite emotions. Are you too tired for a promenade +round the circle?" + +He fell in with her humour. + +"Morgan, reproaches have been accumulating. To save time--you know I +never waste any--you shall have them all in one ferocious phrase. You +have been brutal to me of late. I don't mean to say that you've ever +ceased to be charming, but--why, at least, didn't you answer my note?" + +"It only came this morning," he stammered, "and I haven't had time to +read it yet." + +"In other words, you wrinkled your brow as soon as you saw it, made up +your mind I was beginning to be somewhat of a nuisance, and threw it +aside unopened. Of course, you forgot all about it afterwards. You +have a perfect genius for putting crude facts in a delicate way." + +"Another new discovery about me." + +"That is but the natural result of the profound thought I bestow upon +you." + +"Your profound thought contradicts itself. It declares me brutal and +charming with the same breath." + +"Profound thought always contradicts itself. I know it for a fact, +because I've been looking up Hegel. The nice things and nasty things I +say about you arise equally from my love for you, which is thus the +unifying principle. The apparent contradictoriness, therefore, +disappears in a higher synthesis." + +"Quarter! A man can't stand having philosophers hurled at his head." + +"But I kiss your head sometimes. I'm sure I'd much prefer that always, +only you goad me into the other thing." + +"I goad?" + +"Yes. By your masterly inactivity when I am concerned. I have to force +myself into your life, and after we've been chums for three years, +you, left to yourself, ignore my existence. You have such a terrible +power of negative resistance against poor, strong-willed me. But, +after all, you admire me tremendously, don't you, dear Morgan?" + +"I have told you scores of times you are the cleverest woman in the +kingdom." + +"I am the only woman who understands your poetry. I don't mean that as +a bit of sarcasm at the expense of your compliment--I merely want to +show you I deserve it." + +He made no reply. For a few moments there was a silence. + +"How reticent you are to-night!" she said at length. "You usually have +quite a deal to tell me. Are the sentimental chapters preying on your +mind? I do so much want to know about those sentimental chapters, but +you always evade the subject. Tell me, _are_ there any in your life?" + +"Ours was to be an intellectual companionship only." + +"Comprising intellectual sympathy and kissing on the forehead--both +of them chaste, stony, saint-like, tantalising things. But I'd be +content for the time being if I were only sure your heart were +perfectly free. I couldn't bear the thought of your making love to +another woman." + +"You are amusing." + +"I am jealous." + +"Then you have been imagining sentimental chapters for me." + +"Well, being a woman of the world, thirty-three years of age--no +deception, Morgan--and, knowing you have lived twenty-eight, I +naturally suspect the existence of those chapters, you darling sphinx. +And when I suddenly come across a poem from your pen about a sweet +little girl, my suspicion becomes almost a certainty." + +He could not help laughing. + +"That sweet little girl is too concrete, too much away from your +metaphysical manner, to be a mere creation of your brain. What vexed +me particularly was that the most stupid woman I know--I mean my dear +friend Laura--admired the thing and called it a gem. Now I don't like +my monopoly threatened in that way. I have always prayed against your +own prayer. I don't want the world at large to admire you--yet. I want +you, disgusted with the world's non-acceptance of you, to find +consolation in my love. There is a fair proposal for you, Morgan. Love +me, marry me--and after that you may become as great as you like. Your +poetry as yet is my friend, but I begin to feel afraid of it when you +start pictures of sweet little girls." + +He did not take her the least bit seriously--he never did. Her +occasional courtship of him had been always so light and airy, so +dispassionately epigrammatic, that he looked on it as mere whimsical +banter and rather good amusement. She had plagued him into consenting +to that kiss on the forehead which she gave him each time they met, +referring to it constantly as an advantage won by hard effort. The +circumstance of their first meeting had been commonplace enough--a +chance introduction at an afternoon tea. They were friends whilst yet +utter strangers to each other, for a mutual personal magnetism had +acted immediately. He understood that her playfulness did but conceal +fine qualities of character that would have pleased even the +aphoristic moralist, whose conception of the ideal woman she +mercilessly outraged. That she had really understood and appreciated +his work naturally counted a good deal in her favour. He knew her +worth, but of course he did not want to marry her. If to-day there was +a more earnest ring than usual in her love-making, he had got too +indurated to it to believe in it. + +"Who _is_ the sweet little girl?" she insisted. "I repeat, I am +jealous. This is my first experience of that queer emotion, for you +are the first man I have ever loved." + +He found this most amusing of all. + +"Really, Morgan, it is perfectly harassing to have one's tragedy taken +for light comedy. You know my wedded life was unhappy. The late +baronet was absolutely ignorant of Schopenhauer, and even cursed him +to my face for a madman, just because he happened to be my favourite +philosopher. Since I've dipped into Hegel, I've come largely to agree +with my husband's denunciation, though not on the same grounds. Not +that I profess to know anything either about Hegel or Schopenhauer. +Edward always thought me a blue-stocking--me, who have only a woman's +tea-table smattering of philosophy! Why, it takes all the fun out of +life to be a blue-stocking! Edward hadn't any brains. I married him +without love, and in face of his attitude towards Schopenhauer, you +may guess what chance it had of springing up. During the brilliant +years of my widow-hood--eight in number--my heart has remained +positively untouched by anybody but you. It's your childlike +helplessness that fascinates me." + +"You flatter me." + +"There are other things, of course. You've splendid large eyes and +nice, soft, silky hair, and such a pretty curl to your lip. And you've +such a charming, innocent look. If only you'd promise not to write any +more poems about sweet little girls, you'd be perfect." + +Whether it was that her proximity at this moment of inner perturbation +and suffering roused in him an overmastering desire for her sympathy, +or whether her last remark exercised an insidious drawing power, he +did not quite know, but he found himself saying immediately: + +"I can make that promise very easily. I made a bonfire last night." + +She understood at once. + +"Which explains much for which I've been reproaching you!" she +exclaimed sympathetically. "You have been suffering, dear Morgan." + +Her voice had grown soft and coaxing. His determination to shun +everybody could not stand against this real concern for him. In a few +words he told her of his despair and of the dubiousness of his +position. But he could not bring himself to speak of his hopeless +love, or to raise the veil that concealed his other friendships from +her. His comradeship with her had always stood for him as a thing +apart; and this attitude of his towards it had made it the more +charming. It had been quite natural for him to take it entirely by +itself and as unrelated to the rest of his external life. + +"But, my dear Morgan," she protested, "this can't go on. How do you +intend to live?" + +He was glad she did not have recourse to that crude, obvious +suggestion of his begging a replenishment from the paternal coffers. +But he did not know how to reply to her question, which rather made +him regret the turn the conversation had taken. The one future for him +was that in which floated mystically the figure of the scented +serpent-woman, and he felt that that drift of things he was relying on +had begun by a wrong move. + +"Perhaps I shall write stories," he hazarded. + +"You alarm me," she cried. "Your idea is hopelessly impracticable. How +could you possibly hope to rival the Robert Ingrams?" + +"The Ingrams!" he echoed, glancing at her sharply. + +"I only mention him because he happens to be as popular as all the +rest put together, and because I happened to make his acquaintance +some time back." + +Morgan made no remark. He was relieved at her explanation, about which +there was nothing surprising, for he well knew that Ingram moved in +high social latitudes. + +"Besides," she went on, "you would naturally be tempted to draw women +like me, which would simply be courting extinction. Of course, in +Ingram's novels no fashionable lady ever does the things I do, and +the critics would insist I was an utter impossibility. Now, as to the +fifty pounds you've got--before long the sin of that borrowing will +rise up against you and you'll be signing again, signing away whole +pounds of your flesh. And I daresay you overlook you've various little +debts. No doubt you owe your tailor, say a year's account, and then +your rooms are pretty expensive, and quarter-day has a spiteful habit +of swooping down on one four times a year, and--and you mustn't have +to bother your pretty head about all these sordid things." + +This was somewhat of an appalling speech for Morgan, who certainly did +not want to cheat his creditors. And, indeed, it now occurred to him +that he must be indebted to his tailor for quite a large amount. +Although his horror of debts was far above the average, he never +realised the conception "money" as ordinary people realise it. So far +as it figured in his thoughts at all, money was a gorgeous, poetic +unit--the treasure of romance, the gold and silver of fairyland. In +practice, the very abundance of it at his command had till lately kept +his attention from dwelling on it; just as it did not dwell on, say, +the second toe of his left foot--an equally constant factor in his +existence--till some pain might make him aware it was there. His +present forced awareness of the prosaic side of the notion "money" +gave him somewhat of a sense of being caught amid a swirl of +storm-blown icicles. + +"The remedy is simple," he said, at last. + +"It is. I have forty thousand a year. Marry me for my money." + +"Declined, with thanks." + +"So blunt, yet so pointed. A pity it's not original. But I know what +you meant by your remedy. You don't see it would be a double crime, +and you are too good a man even to commit a single one." + +"You mean----" + +"I mean I should follow you. It would be just lovely to be rowed +across the Styx together. Of course, I should have to pay your +obolus." + +"It is getting late. I really think we ought to turn back." + +Lady Thiselton sighed. + +"I must confess I am dejected," she said. "I should like to have a +quiet cry. What are you going to do, Morgan?" + +"Nothing." + +But he knew that would mean bankruptcy, and he had also an unpleasant +conviction that she meant what she said about following him. + +"And even if we did go to throw sugar to Cerberus, your father would +step in and inherit your debts, and you will have sacrificed us both +in vain. The result is the same, whether we go to Whitechapel or to +the other place. You can't make it otherwise. Now, if you won't let me +be your wife, at least let me be a sort of mother to you." + +Her thought met his just at the right junction. He did not answer +because her argument was unanswerable. How else avoid coming on the +paternal purse again? + +"I am only asking you, Morgan, to let me help you live just as you +want to live." + +She spoke with pleading and humility. + +"We shall be towards each other just as we are now," she continued, +"and although I intended to torment you till you agreed I was worth an +occasional kiss on the forehead in return for mine--which would not at +all take us out of the platonic, or rather plutonic, regions in which +you so sternly insist we must abide--I shall give you my word to cease +from active hostilities for six whole months. Just think--I undertake +to be content for the next six months with kissing you on the forehead +once each time. Is that not sufficiently an earnest of my good faith?" + +Again he gave her no answer, and, in the silence that followed, their +footsteps seemed to be echoed back to them. Since to die were futile, +let it be she rather than another that helped him to live. She was a +good friend and a loyal one. Of course, it was repugnant to take money +from a woman, but to take it from anybody else would be still more +repugnant. + +"As is usually the case in life," she again chimed in his thought, +"the choice is not between the good and the less good, but between the +bad and the worse. Believe me, I understand and sympathise with your +hesitations. But between such friends as we are and such original +people to boot, scruples of a conventional kind ought not to enter. +With us money should count for nothing. So please don't choose 'the +worse,' and perhaps 'the bad' won't turn out so very bad after all." + +Still he could not prevail upon himself to accept her generosity, +though conscious he was undeserving of her long-sufferance. + +"If I could but see the least prospect of repaying you, I should not +hesitate so much," he said at last. + +"My dear Morgan, in life one mustn't look too far ahead, else +existence becomes impossible. Let us not bother too much about the +future, but let us seize the flying moments; which means we ought to +go to Whitechapel on Thursday and spend a happy day." + +He was still lost in thought. + +"And your silence--may I put the usual interpretation on it?" + +"I suppose so," he said, shame-facedly. "Please don't think me +ungracious," he added. + +"You very dear person!" she cried; and after that they walked for +fully five minutes without exchanging a word. + +The matter had been decided and, according to their wont, there was no +further manifestation, no further reference to it on either side. Each +understood the other's emotions, and that sufficed. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +"Shall I put you into a hansom?" said Morgan, looking at his watch as +they passed out of the park. "It is getting on towards two." + +"Mayn't I come in and smoke a cigarette?" pleaded Lady Thiselton. "My +nerves have been tried a little, and a few minutes' rest will soothe +me." + +"I fear the lady of the house would not approve." + +"Oh! we shall creep in quietly without disturbing her pious dreams. Do +be nice, Morgan. You know I never smoke any other cigarettes than +yours--I am never wicked except in your company." + +They entered almost noiselessly. + +"How silent the night is," she remarked, "and what a feeling of +sleeping multitudes there is in the air! Suppose the morrow should +dawn and they should never awaken. I am shivering. Your room is cold, +though the moonlight is quite pretty." + +He lighted his reading lamp under its big, green shade. She would not +have the gas--she liked the room full of dusk and shadow. The fire was +ready laid, and Morgan put a match to it, after which he proceeded to +look for the cigarettes. When eventually he turned towards her, he +uttered a suppressed exclamation. + +She had taken off her heavy cloak and her hat and thrown them +carelessly on a chair. She now stood a little to the left of the fire, +her face half turned towards it, and was busy removing her long +gloves. Her features, amid which nestled mystic trembling shadows, +showed bloodless, as though carved of ivory, and her great, dark brown +eyes were wonderfully soft and caressing. Her hair ran in a flowing +curve off the warm white pallor of her brow till it was lost beyond +the ear. Almost on top of her head it lay in a coil, bound with a +wide, green velvet band that was fastened in front with a great +emerald. Her throat, neck and shoulders rose with the same dull, +smooth whiteness, and with an exquisite firmness, from the strange, +green velvet costume it had pleased her to wear, and were set in its +gold border that glowed and sparkled with smaller emeralds. The robe +curved in at the waist, defining the adorable grace of her figure and +falling to the ground in gleaming folds and strange contrasts of light +and shade. And on each side hung a long, open sleeve with bright +yellow lining spread out to the view--a wide, descending sweep of gold +in glistening contrast with the deep green of the costume. + +She had now placed her gloves on the same chair, and her long, bare +arms showed in all the firm beauty of warm ivory tones, without a +touch of rose in their whole length, even to the very finger tips. A +thick, gold bracelet encircled the wrist of her right hand. On the +other hand the gleam of ornament was given by the wedding ring and a +similar ring on the same finger set with a limpid diamond. + +"Well," she said, smiling. + +"You have taken me unawares. One moment you are a soberly clad person, +and the next a queenly blaze." + +"The moonlight is really wonderful. Turn out the lamp and let me play +the 'Moonlight Sonata.'" + +"No, smoke your cigarette instead," he suggested. + +"You are afraid I might cause the good lady pleasant dreams instead of +pious ones. Thank you, dear." + +He held her a light, and, after she had taken a puff or two, she +passed her cigarette to him. + +"Your tribute, Morgan," she demanded. + +He took a puff and passed it back to her. Then, when she had smoked a +little: + +"It is delicious," she said. "Your lips have given it their sweetness +of honey, their fragrance of myrrh." + +She leaned leisurely against the mantel, whilst he drew a chair for +himself to the opposite corner of the fire. The great emerald gleamed +through a dainty cloud of smoke. + +"It is lovely here," she said at last. "Such moments as these are the +happiest of my life. One's nature must rebel sometimes against being +driven along the prescribed lines. There are sides to one's soul, +absolutely unallowed for in the ordinary scheme of civilized +existence. But instead of letting me moralise, you might be saying +some nice things." + +"About what?" + +"About me, of course." + +"Oh! I am enjoying the spectacle you present." + +"I built a palace in the air, and, lo and behold! it has proved to be +a real palace. I went up to my room to-night and was feeling fanciful +and sentimental, which means, of course, I was thinking about you. And +then I imagined this whole scene--only a little different; I in this +dress, and you at my feet, worshipping me and calling me all +sorts of sweet names. And I was coy and held back!" + +She paused a moment and laughed merrily. + +"Of course," she went on, "I could not resist putting on the costume +in order to get nearer the real feeling of such a scene, and it was so +delicious that I at once wrapped myself up and come here in a cab. The +maid told me you were not expected till late. It's very amusing, by +the way--that girl really believes I'm your sister! So I made a +descent on dear, stupid Laura--the admirer of your sweet-little-girl +poem--and whiled away an hour or so. All muffled up, of course. Her +heart's weak, you know. Then I strolled back here. And now my +imaginary scene is being enacted. Not exactly as I imagined it, but I +know the realities of existence and the usual tragic fate of +expectations, and so I have reason to feel ecstatic over the result. +Besides, I think I really do look very nice. The contractor for the +clay must accidentally have supplied a little of the first quality at +the time I was made. He must have torn his hair on finding out the +mistake. Come, Morgan, kiss me on the forehead." + +She put the cigarette on the mantel, prettily blew away the smoke, and +held her two splendid arms towards him. But he did not move. + +"I'll even put on the veil and keep my hands behind me, like a good +child." + +"Helen! Please," he protested. + +"Forgive me," she said, and there was a strain of pathos in her voice. +"For the moment I forgot my promise--I was fancying this was a mere +continuation of my vision. But I shall not do it again--I shall bite +out my tongue first." + +He was moved, and awoke to the understanding that he had not yet +estimated, according to the ordinary reckoning of the world, the +pecuniary favour he had accepted from her. The fact that he felt shame +at the resource of which circumstances forced him to avail himself +could not affect his sense of her nobility, and it was a true instinct +of gratitude that made him rise in order to bestow what she had ceased +to demand. But, somewhat to his astonishment, she waved him back. + +"No, Morgan; I really meant what I said, and you must not think I am +only tricky." + +After which he felt forced to pin her to her request, protesting her +honesty was not in dispute. + +"You know I am to be trusted," she whispered demurely. "I am so glad +you did not insist on the veil. I must really smoke another cigarette +to get calm; I am as agitated as a girl getting her first kiss." + +"And I'll smoke another to keep you company," he said. + +"Let us meet clandestinely somewhere on Thursday about ten o'clock," +she said a little later. "It makes it ever so much more piquant to +proceed mysteriously. We shall lunch in those parts. I must be home +again by five, as I have a small dinner-party. I have an idea, Morgan. +One of my men writes he won't be able to turn up. You've never dined +at my house in state. Come and fill the vacant place." + +He shook his head. His instinct was to refuse without considering. She +insisted a little, but, seeing his heart was against it, left the +subject, turning gaily to something else. + +Soon he went out with her and saw her into a hansom. It was past two +when he bade her good-night, having agreed to a rendezvous for +Thursday in the heart of the city. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +It was a little past mid-day, and Archibald Druce, who had returned an +hour before from an early morning professional appointment with +Medhurst, was feeling restless and lonely. Morgan was not due till +half-past one, and so the old man wandered disconsolately about the +hotel, seeking some congenial spirit with whom to hold converse. At +length, peering into the smoking-room, he discovered a white-haired, +stately gentleman, with a somewhat military air, whose grave +appearance was encouraging. With him Archibald began an exchange of +civilities, and very soon launched out into an account of his +interview of that morning. + +"I assure you, my dear sir," said the banker, though the other had not +questioned the fact in any way, "I can see absolutely nothing. The +room is a perfect blur, and I fear I dare not venture out into these +crowded London thoroughfares for the rest of the day. The worst of it +is that the introduction of the cocaine into my eyes has been of no +avail. Of course my eminent friend could not know I was possessed of +such remarkable eyes, and as it was necessary for him to see into +them, no blame attaches to him for having adopted the usual means of +causing my extremely small pupils to expand. Now the curious point is +that my pupils were totally unaffected by the cocaine, and I fear my +eminent friend had to work on me under difficulties. The couple of +hours I spent with him in his wonderful workroom have, however, proved +exceedingly profitable to me. I assure you, my dear sir, they have +been most instructive." + +"No doubt," said the military person, his fingers fidgetting uneasily +with his newspaper. + +"Between ourselves," continued Archibald confidentially, "I rather +imagine that my friend enjoyed the time I spent with him. It is not +often he gets a really intelligent patient to work on--in fact, he +found me so appreciative that he exhibited especially some profoundly +interesting experiments. Amongst other things, he threw a gigantic +representation of my retinal system of blood vessels on to a white +screen merely by turning a strong light sideways into my eye. And the +explanation of it was quite simple. The retinal vessels stand out +slightly in relief, and thus a perfect shadow of the system is cast on +the retina. It was this shadow I saw, and the white screen was merely +a convenient background for it. I don't know if I make myself clear." + +"Perfectly clear, perfectly," said the military person. + +"Indeed, John Medhurst seemed quite loth to part with me. I quite +believe he enjoyed the experiments as much as I did. He brought out +his books and very kindly allowed me to inspect the plates--and +extraordinarily fine plates they are!--and thus acquire some idea of +the inner mechanism of the human eye. What a truly wonderful place the +universe is--wonderful!" + +"That no intelligent man can deny," said the military person. + +"My friend holds a most distinguished position in his profession, and +I esteem it a great honour and privilege to be on such intimate terms +with him," said Archibald, offering a cigar to the other and lighting +one himself. "Now you know," he went on, in a somewhat softened and +more intimate tone; "there's quite a little bit of a romance in the +story of our friendship." + +"Indeed," said the military person more genially, his palate savouring +the exquisite aroma of the cigar. + +Archibald smiled tenderly. + +"His wife's an old flame of mine," he explained, veiling his emotion +with jocular phraseology. "An old flame, did I say? I'm still over +head and heels in love with her. But I was too late--she and John had +already made their little arrangements. And very soon after John and I +became friends, and friends we've remained to this day. Kate has two +of the loveliest girls, and I'm hanged if I'm not head over heels in +love with them as well. The younger one is a regular little +she-devil!" + +"Ha! ha! ha!" guffawed the military person. + +"Upon my honour she is," insisted Archibald. "Why, she flirts +outrageously with me. I'm sure I don't know how many heads the little +witch is going to turn when she grows up. And her sister, Margaret--I +couldn't tell you which of the two I like the better--has quite an +extraordinary talent for plastic art. I mean to give her a commission +before I return to my place. I'd like for one thing to have a bust of +her mother in my study--that would be so inspiring. And long ago I +took a fancy to have a nice sphinx. A thing of that kind, you know, is +good to remind one of man's intellectual limitations." + +"I suppose so," said the military person, vaguely. + +"Her figures are extremely lifelike. Just imagine, a thing cast in +dead bronze to have all the reality of life so that you would almost +expect it to move." + +"She must be a highly-gifted young lady." + +"You will scarcely credit it, my dear sir, but she is only +nineteen--on my word of honour," said Archibald with growing +enthusiasm. "Only the other day she sold two of her things for +twenty-five pounds apiece. Twenty-five pounds apiece!" he repeated +slowly, as if that represented to him a gigantic amount. "The examples +are to be strictly limited to sixty of each, after which the moulds +are to be destroyed. They are both magnificent pieces of work. Why, +you fancy you almost hear Chiron's voice and the twanging of his +harp." + +"Indeed," said the military person. + +"She is perfectly sweet and beautiful as well as clever," went on +Archibald. "Now my dog of a boy, between ourselves--ha! ha! ha!----" + +"He's a bit smitten?" suggested the military person. + +Archibald laughed gleefully. "And I fancy that a certain clever young +lady of nineteen who knows how to model is also a bit smitten. Only my +boy doesn't seem to come to the point. But then he's a poet." + +"A what?" inquired the military person, startled. + +"A poet," stoutly repeated Archibald. "And a very great poet, I +venture to assert, he will be one of these fine days. Naturally he is +not a man of action--he is a dreamer. But when I wanted Kate I wasn't +satisfied just to go on dreaming about her--ha! ha! Now if my boy +would only stop dreaming and just get married instead, I'd settle as +much on them as ever they'd want. You see, a genius like my son," he +went on, lowering his voice almost to a whisper, "must be exempt from +the sordid cares of money-earning, and my eminent friend, though his +position in life is an extremely honourable one, is not a man of +means. He may have put by a bit out of his hard-earned income, but, as +I always say to him, he wants that against a rainy day. But it's no +use my talking to him--he will keep on worrying about his girls having +no fortunes. 'And suppose they don't marry,' says he; and I have +positively to laugh him into a more cheerful mood. 'Don't be a fool, +John,' I say to him, 'those two girls are worth all the fortunes in +the world, and the man who didn't think as much wouldn't be worth +marrying.'" + +"Your views are extremely generous," said the military person. "They +do you credit." + +"Not at all, my dear sir," said Archibald, looking pleased; "my views +are simply rational. I consider the blind worship of mere money an +utter mistake. There are higher things in life. I may say I am in +entire sympathy with my son's aspirations. By the way, it occurs to me +that the extraordinary refusal of my pupils to expand under cocaine +may be but another manifestation of the remarkable nervous system that +characterises my family. It may be connected in some mysterious way +with my son's genius. But possibly, sir, you may know my son?" + +"I fear I have not that honour. I know only one literary gentleman--he +is the editor of the 'Christian Bugle.' Might I suggest that we +exchange cards?" + +"Willingly," said Archibald. "Very happy to make your acquaintance, +Major Hemming," he resumed, after the mutual self-introduction had +been effected. "My son is to be here shortly, when you will have the +opportunity of meeting him. Perhaps you will do us the honour of +lunching with us?" + +"I should be delighted, but unfortunately I am lunching with a +friend." + +"I am sorry we are not to have the pleasure," said Archibald. "But +perhaps you would like a copy of my son's book. It is but a small +volume, as you see." And Archibald pulled the parchment-bound, +deckle-edged booklet from his outer breast pocket. "Don't hesitate, my +dear sir, it will give me pleasure if you will accept it." + +"You are most kind," said the Major. "I shall look forward to reading +it with the utmost pleasure." + +"I am sure you will agree that only a genius could have written those +poems," said Archibald. + +"I have no doubt but what I shall form a high opinion of your son's +gifts," said the Major. + +"Being of a literary temperament myself," went on Archibald, "I +happily have been able to appreciate his. I do not want him to work +for money, and I have, therefore, put him on a sound financial basis. +So far, he appeals only to a very select section of the public. But he +has not written a line which he has not been inspired to write. As +regards the general public--I myself, in my humble way, have become +aware of the indifference and stupidity of the general public. When, +after thorough re-examination of every point of my mental position, I +try and speak plainly to such of my fellow-men as I have the +opportunity of addressing, I am met with an absolute want of +intelligent comprehension. However, I intend to say what I have to +say, and I am now at work on a volume, the nature of which you will +sufficiently gather from its title: 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical +Thinker--an attempt to investigate some questions of primary +importance that are usually shelved.'" + +"An excellent idea, sir." + +"To give you an example of the narrowness even of people who occupy a +high position in the social sphere, whenever I have ventured to assert +my sincere belief that children should be instructed in life by means +of competent handbooks instead of being allowed to pick up their +knowledge in a haphazard, more or less dangerous fashion, I have been +met with a frigid politeness, behind which the shocked disapproval was +but too manifest." + +"Humph!" said the Major. "I must confess your proposition is certainly +a startling one." + +"It is a common-sense one," said Archibald, curtly. + +"Pardon me," said the Major, somewhat stiffly, "but I do think that in +the interests of morality and religion it would be exceedingly +unfortunate if your ideas were generally adopted." + +"I am perfectly prepared to argue the point," said Archibald, drawing +himself up, whilst his eye flashed with the light of battle. + +"I fear I have no time just now," said the Major, glancing at his +watch. "I must be off. I wish you a very good morning, sir." + +"Morgan, my boy," cried the banker, when that gentleman at last +appeared, "I've spent the last hour tackling one of the most terrible +Philistines I have ever met." + + +END OF BOOK I. + + + + +BOOK II. + + +CHAPTER I + + +"Which way do we go?" asked Lady Thisleton, as they stood hesitating +at a crossing-stage in Broad Street, City. "Wouldn't it be nice to +stay here and philosophise?" + +She was dressed as plainly as possible in a dark brown coat and skirt, +and wore a small hat and veil, so that she was not in the least +conspicuous. Both she and Morgan, having entered on the day's +adventure, were determined to enjoy it, though his mood was far from +being whole-hearted. And, as they surveyed the slow medley of +omnibuses that moved between them and the pavement they were struck by +the scene in the same impersonal way. They did not feel that they +formed any part of it; they saw it as with the eyes of a floating, +invisible spirit. To them it was collective movement and +colour--movement in the hurrying streams pouring from every exit of +the giant stations, in the massed chaos of vehicles, in the sense of +bustle and business and purpose; colour in the crudities of blue, +green, yellow, red, that flared from omnibuses and shop windows, and +that yet were fused into the dun monochrome of town, to the +overwhelming sense of which asphalt and paving and street lamp and +stone buildings and sober costumes all contributed, and with which the +very hubbub seemed to blend. + +A vague feeling of tragedy seemed to invade them as their eyes rested +on all this life; but it was the result of an intellectual +perception, not of a sympathetic realisation and comprehension of this +throbbing reality. As for Morgan, the scene made him remember he had +once tried to wrestle with political economy and had disliked it +tremendously, and the thought made him smile. + +"Why do you smile?" said Lady Thiselton. "Certainly it is not gay +here. I feel quite overwhelmed. All these faces--pre-occupied, +cheerful, sad, worn, despairing, hopeful, starved, well-fed--suggest +such a whirl. I invent a whole biography for each one that catches my +eye. I wonder how far I am right--I who am only a woman of the world; +which means I know nothing of life outside of my own four walls and a +few other four walls that more or less resemble them. But it's all +really lovely, isn't it, Morgan? What suffering must be here! You +can't imagine how I'm enjoying everything. Of course I sympathise as +well. But mine is a sort of artistic sympathy. I'm not noble enough to +feel the real thing. Isn't it all interesting?" + +"There's a policeman staring at us suspiciously." + +"Then we'd better move on. The good policeman's dream of paradise must +be a place in which he is the one static soul and in which the blest +keep passing on to all eternity." + +They crossed the road and moved along with the crowd. The bells of St. +Botolph's struck ten as they turned into Bishopsgate. + +"I feel the mediæval spirit coming on and begin to see visions of +highly-coloured Lord Mayors and aldermen and burghers and beef-eaters. +And somehow Dick Whittington and his cat are mixed up with it all, and +exhibitions with glass roofs and careful craftsmen and apprentices, +and Christopher Wren. Alas and alack! Where is old London?" + +"I don't know," said Morgan. "But I do know where Whitechapel is. We +have to pass through Houndsditch. I looked it up on the map to refresh +my memory. I have always found Houndsditch a disappointment." + +"So have I," said Lady Thiselton. "It is every bit as uninspiring as a +West End street. Some of the side alleys look interesting though, but +then such strange people seem to be in absolute possession, and you +feel you have no right to set foot within their territory. I am really +a fearful coward." + +They walked on silently. + +"Why don't you contradict me, Morgan, and tell me I'm brave? You never +voluntarily pay me a compliment. If I want compliments I have to put +them before you as so many propositions, to which, being a truthful +person, you are forced to give your assent." + +"You are brave," said Morgan. + +"Thank you. Every stone in this part of the city has its associations, +its traditions, its history. And then there are venerable churches +isolated amid the serried buildings of commerce, with charming bits of +hidden green and trees. I'm chattering away like a country cousin come +up to see the sights of London town and to carry back its fifteenth +century flavour. Let us forget history and tradition, and let us get +an unadulterated vision of the modern. Here is a nice place to stand." + +They had turned into Aldgate and had gone some distance in the +direction of Whitechapel, and the new scene had a character of its +own. Both felt the spirit of toil here, where the grime of industry +struck a coarser and somberer note. + +"I feel a million miles from home, which is just what I want to feel," +declared Lady Thiselton. "And there is quite a market place opposite, +and bookstalls. This is just what Browning could have described. Why +did he not come here for inspiration? Here, too, he might have found a +square, old yellow book and paid eightpence for it, and tossed it in +the air and caught it again and twirled it about by the crumpled +vellum covers, and could have wandered on reading it through a +perilous path of fire-irons, tribes of tongs, shovels in sheaves, +skeleton bedsteads, wardrobe drawers agape, and cast clothes +a-sweetening in the sun. But the crowd is really too thick to walk +amongst. As we are on pleasure bent, let us be recklessly extravagant +and take a twopenny ride on top of a tram-car." + +Morgan admitted he was beginning to find it unpleasant to be at such +close quarters with the crowd. Some of the people he was brushing up +against, he complained, were not too scrupulously clean. + +"No doubt," he added, "I shall find them with their mysterious bundles +more picturesque from a distance." + +"Why some of them are quite spick and span with their polished silk +hats, and there are any number of pretty girls. The shops, too, seem +quite attractive. I can even imagine myself living here for a time, +cannot you?" + +"Let us get on our tram car. That may give my imagination the +necessary stimulus." + +At first they had the top all to themselves, and were borne smoothly +onwards, cutting through the very centre of the turmoil. The red brick +church was the furthest point she had ever reached in the East of +London, Lady Thiselton informed Morgan. She had been in the +neighbourhood two or three times in company with her husband, who had +been interested in a sort of mission and dispensary combined, his idea +being not only to make wicked people religious, but to irritate the +devil by keeping their souls out of his clutch as long as possible. + +"Now it is only like the High Street of a big provincial town," she +commented, after they had passed the London Hospital. "I think it's +getting monotonous." + +Three begrimed, strapping youths came clambering up noisily and, +sitting immediately in front of them, continued a conversation about a +certain "she." Their vocabulary became so offensive that Lady +Thiselton whispered she thought it perfectly improper for a lady to +keep on looking at the backs of men's necks on the top of a car, in +full view of the whole world. + +They descended and strolled on further. There was no crowd now to +hinder them, and they were curious to see what this far-stretching +thoroughfare led to. + +"So far it seems a broad stretch of mean quaintness. I had no idea +London was so big. And what grimy side streets! I shudder to think of +the grimy network that lies on either hand. Morgan, I feel a very +immoral person." + +"Your emotions are strangely unpredictable." + +"What right have I to forty thousand a year when there are people +starving in these back streets?" asked Lady Thiselton indignantly. "I +am going to turn Socialist." + +"You are not." + +"I am." + +"You'll never abandon individualism." + +"Of course not. I'd never think of parting with that. But I really +don't see why I shouldn't be a Socialist as well. I pity those poor, +benighted beings that have room in their narrow souls for only one set +of opinions. I like to be everything, to hold every 'ism,' and to be +labelled all over with every 'ist,' like the window of that +'eating-house' yonder. Which reminds me of my dinner party to-night. +Isn't it terrible to eat in Belgrave Square when some people have to +eat in a place like that. It's positively wicked. I have an idea. I +think I can't do better than inaugurate my new 'ism' by lunching there +to-day. Suppose we do so on our way back." + +"But _I_ never confessed to be converted to socialism," he protested. + +"Why it's a dear little eating-house, a perfect love of a place." + +"I take it for granted you wish to meet your guests to-night with a +smiling face," he warned her. + +"The consciousness of having had the courage of my 'ism' will fill me +with such a glow of goodness that I cannot fail to appear a veritable +Madonna. Of course, you know I am counting on you." + +"No." + +"Yes." + +"No." + +"But I haven't filled up the place. I've been relying on nagging you +into coming." + +"You know I don't want to," he grumbled yieldingly. + +"But I want you to. Don't be angry, dear," she went on, coaxingly. +"Haven't I amused you the whole time?" + +He ended by promising to come, if not incapacitated by the lunch, and +felt fairly secure of passing the evening at home. + +After they had wandered about for some time longer and had paid +pennies to see a curious compound animal, a sort of ox, sheep, horse, +donkey and goat rolled into one, and an abnormally fat woman, more +decently clad than the life-size coloured picture of her in the window +had led them to imagine, they invaded the love of an eating-house. +They stepped within the threshold firmly enough, but then stood +hesitant. The place gave them a general sense of brownness. It was the +old-fashioned style of coffee-house, with a sanded pathway down the +middle and a row of stalls on either side, each separated from its +neighbours by tall partitions. Everything was of a dirty brown, +panelling, partitions, benches and the bare tables. A brown light came +through the dingy windows, and the very odours that hung in the dingy +atmosphere suggested the same tint. + +A coatless, aproned waiter emerged from the back to greet the first +mid-day customers, and, in reply to their enquiry for lunch, invited +them to be seated within one of the stalls. After he had wiped their +table he disappeared, and he returned in a moment with a table cloth, +followed by a shorter and stouter man, also in shirt sleeves. They +began to see they had made an impression, and were to be served in +accordance with the host's sense of the fitness of things. + +The proprietor--for such the stout man was--by way of special +civility, remarked that it was fine weather, and asked what he might +get them. + +"The correct thing," said Lady Thiselton; and, on the man staring, +"what everybody usually has here," she added, in explanation. + +"Boiled beef and suet to-day, or roast beef and Yorkshire, or chops +and steaks," enumerated the man. + +So "boiled beef and suet" was ordered on the assumption it was the +correct thing, and, while the waiter was busy getting it, the +proprietor felt it his duty to entertain them till it came. + +"His intentions were no doubt strictly honourable, but, Morgan, do you +think we shall have to talk to people like that when socialism is +established? My goodness!" she exclaimed, examining the slices of meat +closely. "What are those green streaks?" + +"Perhaps that's perfectly right. The green streaks--like the boiled +carrot--may be just a little surprise by way of extra. Neither is +included in the description of the dish." + +"Morgan, I really don't think I can eat this," she said faintly. + +"Backsliding already?" + +"Not at all. You forget I'm a bundle of 'isms,' and in practice one +can only be true to one at a time. When that one begins to make me +feel uncomfortable, I become true to another. Thus I am always true to +myself. All the mutually contradictory 'isms' unite in a higher +synthesis. Am I not the most lovely higher synthesis you ever saw?" + +"All of which Hegelian dialectics mean that I'd better tell them to +take this stuff away." + +"If you think they won't maltreat us. They look terribly fierce; and +they may have any number of myrmidons within call. That sort of +people, you know, doesn't like to have its cooking criticised." + +"So long as we pay, we'll not find them too sensitive." + +The matter was soon arranged, they adopting the man's suggestion of a +"nice, juicy steak." And when it arrived they felt compelled to +pronounce it excellent. + +"I shouldn't be surprised if those green streaks were the proper thing +after all," said Lady Thiselton. + +"Doubtless we have missed some extraordinary delicacy," said Morgan. +"But please tell me which particular 'ism' is in possession at the +moment. I am not quite clear on the point." + +"That is just my state of mind. But I fancy that, at the present +moment, I am given over to emotion rather than to thought. This +interior is affecting me artistically. I was just thinking what a +lovely Dutch picture it would make. But I really am sincere about my +'isms.' The arguments in favour of any one 'ism' are unanswerable, and +I have to admit the truth of each, whenever I consider it. All human +thought ends in the blind alley of Paradox. Hegel was a word-juggler. +Nice phrases are pleasing, but let us not take them seriously." + +And Lady Thiselton proceeded to utter a good many "nice phrases," +which Morgan found pleasing, and did not take seriously. Customers +dropped in by ones and twos till at length all the other stalls were +filled, everybody instinctively avoiding the stall where a tablecloth +gleamed its white warning. When some men, having eaten, began smoking +their clays, Lady Thiselton's sharp ear detected some speculative +remarks about herself and Morgan, tinged with facetiousness and gore. +She thereupon suggested she was pining for something mystic and +spiritualistic, being quite tired of this realistic interior. + +"I am trying to banish it by contemplating the Blessed Damozel," she +said, and quoted whisperingly: + + "'The Blessed Damozel leaned out + From the gold bar of Heaven; + Her eyes were deeper than the depth + Of waters stilled at even; + She had three lilies in her hand, + And the stars in her hair were seven.'" + + +A moment later they stepped out into the afternoon light that nearly +blinded them with its mournful glare. But a heavy sadness had +descended on Morgan. The lines Lady Thiselton had whispered to him had +set him thinking of Margaret. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The same evening, Morgan, not feeling any alarming symptoms, had to +carry out his promise to join Lady Thiselton's little dinner party. +She received him with a formality that made him laugh inwardly--and +almost outwardly. But the impulse died away as with a start he +perceived that Robert Ingram was in the drawing-room. He reflected, +however, that, though the encounter was an unexpected one, there was +nothing very astonishing about it. Helen had herself told him she had +made the novelist's acquaintance, and to find him dining at her house +was no matter for surprise. The position, nevertheless, was a most +curious one, especially when their hostess unsuspectingly introduced +the two men. Ingram's manner was a little bit bewildered, as if--from +his knowledge of Morgan--he feared the latter might make a scene by +dramatically cutting him. + +However, nothing of the kind happened, Morgan behaving with perfect +gravity. He had to give his arm to Mrs. Blackstone--Helen's dear +friend, Laura, of whom she had spoken to him as the most stupid woman +she knew. He would have welcomed the opportunity of talking to +her--for he was sure her conception of Helen would be astonishingly +amusing, but he had a feeling that something important was going to +arise from his coming here to-night, and that there were possibilities +of explosion in the position. This gave him a general sense of +expectant excitement, so that at first he was a little bit impatient +of Mrs. Blackstone's remarks. He learnt that she admired intensely +that sweet little poem of his, and that she had been longing to meet +the writer; also that reading was a great blessing when one felt +miserable. Did he not admire Mr. Ingram? She herself adored his work. +He was constrained to reply that Ingram was one of his literary +heresies, whereupon she, with ready resource, supposed that tastes +differed, and then, as the result of a luminous thought, she added +that a poet would naturally not be so much interested in mere prose. +Of course poetry ranked the higher, but she was ashamed to +confess--she made the confession without any sign of shame--she +scarcely ever read any at all. She had several favourite novelists who +each published so many books a year that it took all the time she +could spare to keep pace with them. + +"And indeed I'm glad they manage to write so much. They help to fight +against the flood of nasty realistic works we get nowadays. I should +like to see those all burnt." + +Mrs. Blackstone went on to observe that she couldn't make out why +people went on writing such filth. She preferred books of a sound, +moral tone. + +Morgan, feeling himself called upon to make common cause against the +Philistine, put in a tentative word of defence. + +"That's true," admitted Mrs. Blackstone. + +He soon drew further admissions from her, she never suspecting the +extent of the ground she was yielding till, just at the moment of +rising, she apparently gave up her whole position with the naïve +statement: + +"I always thought they had a reason for introducing that sort of +thing. Thank you so much, Mr. Druce, for explaining it to me." + +He was not quite sure whether he had been bored or amused. All the +same he now felt glad he had come; he seemed to be so much more +actively interested in what was to follow. Instinctively he looked at +Ingram, and the novelist came to talk to him whilst the other men +discussed the hygienic aspects of smoking. + +"Well, have you got over your temper yet?" + +The phrasing was unfortunate, though its conciliatory intention was +obvious. Morgan felt he was being addressed as if he were a sulky +child, and his resentment leapt up afresh. + +"I beg you will not interest yourself further in me," he said. + +"Suppose we omit some of the conversation," suggested Ingram, "and +assume all that sort of thing to have been said. You are hurt because +I showed your letter to a friend. Aren't you taking a distorted view +of the matter? Recollect that at the time you were an utter stranger, +and your letter was a bolt from the blue. I cannot see that I +committed so very great a crime." + +"It is as great or as little as you feel it to be." + +"And how may it be purged?" asked Ingram ironically. + +"Ponder over it till you perceive its enormity, then apologize to me +in the presence of the woman." + +Morgan scarcely realised what he was saying till the words were out. +Apparently he had spoken without hesitating and without thinking, but +he knew that his utterance was the result of all that had occupied his +mind for many days past. He felt now he was on the road towards the +realisation of that fantastic future, that poem in life that was to +take the place of the poetry in words he had abandoned. + +Ingram gave him a strange, piercing look. Morgan had never before seen +in his face such an expression as he saw in it now. There was a +pregnant pause before the reply came. + +"Very well, then. We will go to her to-night. No doubt the others will +now be glad to hear our views on tobacco smoke." + +Morgan was conscious of a strange glow of pleasure, of a strange +satisfaction. All his sense of romance and mystery was astir. How +charming was the promise of the phantasy to come! The smiling, scented +serpent-woman was holding her arms to him! And again those lines of +Browning echoed through him, and his whole being seemed invaded as by +a "faint sweetness from some old Egyptian's fine, worm-eaten shroud." + +He defended moderate smoking with vivacity. + +Afterwards, the guests being disposed for conversation in the +drawing-room, Helen managed to sit with Morgan a little apart. + +"What do you think of Mr. Ingram?" she asked. "Did you talk to him at +all?" + +"He seems fairly intelligent," replied Morgan; "more intelligent, in +fact, than his work would lead one to suppose. You told me the other +day, did you not, that you have known him some little time?" + +"It is only during the last few months that I have cultivated him or +rather he me." + +"I see Mrs. Blackstone has possession of him now. She must be very +happy." + +"She is his greatest confidante. That I am _her_ greatest confidante, +you know already, _ergo_--well, I'll leave you to make the deduction. +She is really a good soul, and a marked success as an ear trumpet." + +"But is Mr. Ingram aware of that?" + +"Quite. That is why he speaks into her such a deal. He finds me +perfectly deaf otherwise." + +All this was a revelation to Morgan. + +"You seem to be hinting at something," he could not help exclaiming. + +"Of course. Mr. Ingram is anxious to marry a title, and, since he does +not object to having a good-looking person attached to it, he has done +me the honour to pretend to be in love with me. He has been proposing +for the last six weeks, and has offered to purify his books still +further to suit my virginal soul." + +"And you professed to be telling me everything interesting," he +reproached her. + +"Why, I left off telling you about my wooers and proposals at your own +request. You insisted they would never make you jealous, and they +rather bored you. So I did not say a word about this one. Of course +Laura is anxious to further his cause. She thinks me a good woman and +somewhat of a prude. Poor soul! She doesn't suspect the wedding ring +with the diamond in it you've seen me sometimes wear! You know it's +the sort of thing wicked women affect when they want to be cynical +about the marriage tie. Well, Laura is doing her best to persuade me +to be the instrument of Mr. Ingram's reform. She thinks it such a pity +his life has not been so wholesome in tone as his novels. Her +admiration of him is so great that she wants him to live up to her +conception of the author of his novels, and I am to be sacrificed for +the purpose. She is ten years my senior, and you will observe her +interest in me is quite maternal. But I must tell you more about it +another time. The doctor's looking bored. I must go and amuse him." + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Shortly after midnight Morgan and Ingram were driving towards +Hampstead, in which vicinity, the latter explained, resided the lady +upon whom they were going to call. For a long time the two sat +silent--they seemed to have nothing to say to each other. + +And even while Morgan was thrilled through and through with expectancy +of romance, he could not help his brain playing a little with the +general position, which, in face of what he had learnt to-night, was +far more complicated than he had imagined. He smiled as it occurred to +him how easily he could annoy Ingram by marrying Helen. Curious, he +thought, that Ingram had not the least suspicion of it! + +"May I not ask who is the lady?" he said at last. + +"She is nobody in particular," said Ingram. "I call her 'Cleo,' which +is sufficient for all practical purposes. There is really no reason +why I should not tell you now that Cleo, in fact, has been the +companion of my leisure for the past six years. I will leave you to +form your own impression of her." + +Ingram spoke with an exaggerated air of bluntness, as if to indicate +his indifference to whatever effect his statement might produce on +Morgan. The latter, however, was not very much surprised. His active +feeling was rather one of bewilderment as to the part Ingram was +playing in this tangle of relations. The fact that Ingram had turned +up as a suitor for Helen's hand, when he himself had been all these +years in active relation with either unknown to the other, had +exhausted all the possibilities of astonishment in him. But he found +it strange that Ingram, in spite of his matrimonial intention, should +still continue on such terms with this 'Cleo' as to be able to bring a +friend to see her in the way he was doing now. Ingram's very readiness +to fall in with the suggestion struck him as bearing some significance +he could not yet fathom. + +Yet, though his mind was thus occupied, Morgan cared little about +Ingram's private designs. It satisfied him to feel that Ingram was his +unconscious tool, and that he was at length drifting in the right +direction. On rattled the vehicle through empty, dark streets, where +the very street lamps looked lonely and subtly fostered his mood. + +They drew up at length in a narrow street of stucco houses, and Morgan +followed Ingram through a wooden gate up a glass-covered stairway that +led to an ordinary front door. Ingram opened it with a latch-key, and +they stood in a square, little hall, prettily furnished and dimly +lighted by an antique hanging lamp. + +"Cleo expects me," said Ingram, "but I must ascertain if she will +receive both of us." + +He disappeared through a door at the back of the hall, and, returning +soon, led Morgan through a sort of anteroom into a large inner +apartment, on the threshold of which they were met by a waft of +strange perfume which Morgan recognised immediately, though for a +moment it somewhat overpowered him. The scene, too, was so bizarre +that his perception of it lacked sharpness, and his first impression +was a dreamy one of fusing colour. + +The room itself was large and square, and more than half of the marble +inlaid floor was raised several inches above the other part--that on +which Morgan stood as he entered. In the centre of this lower part was +a small marble fountain, with two tiers of basins, beautifully carved. +The water played prettily, overflowing from the lower and larger basin +into a daintily-bordered square tank set in the floor. Against the +wall beyond the fountain was built a marble slab, supported by a +double arch, under which stood ewers and vases. And higher up in this +same wall were set two pairs of tiny windows, divided into little +coloured panes, with designs of flowers and peacocks. + +The ceiling seemed a quaint, flat, immense tangle of gold, green, red +and blue thread work, each line of which could be followed till the +eye lost it in the maze; and three lamps, suspended by brass chains, +filled the room with a ruby light that came through the interstices of +fine brass and silver work. The walls were marked out in panelling and +covered with a strange, decorative pattern. The raised part of the +floor was spread with richly woven rugs of warm tints, and a few +stools of curious workmanship stood about. Books lay scattered here +and there, as if thrown carelessly on the ground after perusal. In the +centre was a gilded couch, upholstered in silk, and, as Ingram +mentioned his name, Morgan found himself bowing to the wonderful woman +who reclined on it. + +She rose at his greeting, tall and of a gipsy-like brown, and clad in +a straight terra-cotta robe tied in front with a broad, gold girdle, +whose long ends fell floating to the ground. Her feet were sandalled. +Her hair was of a rich, golden red, and somehow showed up in contrast +to the blue grey of her eyes. Her lips were full and of a startling +scarlet, as though they bled. She smiled to Morgan, displaying two +rows of tiny white teeth, and held out to him a long, brown hand. + +He took it in his, and the contact set vibrating every chord of his +nature that had been strung up during the past days. At last he was +face to face with the dream-woman who had haunted him, and she was +even as he had seen her! And with all his emotion at this sacred +moment there mingled a sense of pride that his poet's instinct had +divined true. + +"I am happy to know you, Mr. Druce. Mr. Ingram has just explained to +me why he has brought you. I am so sorry to be the cause of your +anger." + +Her voice was curiously soft, without the least ring or even +suggestion of firmness; warm and yielding as a summer wavelet. + +Morgan was somewhat startled at her words; he had almost expected some +strange, rich, musical language to fall from her lips. + +Ingram drew over a stool, and Cleo bade him be seated. There was +somewhat of an embarrassed silence. Morgan scarcely knew how to meet +the occasion. It struck him that perhaps he ought to be grateful to +Ingram, for he had now a conviction that the letter of his which Cleo +had had in her possession had really interested her in him--had +touched some sympathetic chord in her--and that the task of +cultivating her would not, for that very reason, prove a difficult +one. He was certain that her nature had much in common with his +own, and that the future which was now to be unrolled was to be a +series of tableaux as charming as this first one. + +He felt it incumbent upon him to dispose of the matter for which +nominally he had come, and murmured that Ingram had now sufficiently +shown his good faith, and that he personally was quite satisfied. As +he spoke he looked at Cleo again, and her eyes and lips gleamed at him +strangely. He was aware she wished to say a good deal to him, but that +the presence of Ingram hindered. And as the same constrained silence +once more fell upon them, the elusive odour of her perfume seemed to +obtrude again, as though taking the opportunity to assert itself. + +Ingram at length remarked that the hour was late, and that if Cleo +would excuse them he would escort Mr. Druce back. He was glad that +harmony had been re-established, and he expressed his thanks to Cleo +for so willingly receiving his friend and helping to heal the breach. + +Morgan did not mind having this first interview with Cleo thus cut +short, especially as he could not talk with Ingram there to listen. He +was, moreover, uncomfortably aware that Ingram was watching him +closely the whole time, and he did not fail to detect the tinge of +irony in the novelist's last little speech. But he felt he had closed +his account with the man, and he would not trouble his brains any more +about his motives or meaning. He therefore rose to say good-night to +Cleo. She offered them wine, but both men refused, so she smilingly +gave her hand again without striving to detain them. + +Outside, each seemed given up to his own thoughts. Morgan would make +no comment on what had been revealed to him, nor apparently did Ingram +want to hear any. + +They separated at a cab rank, each taking a separate vehicle. And only +as they were about to part did Ingram break the silence: + +"I need hardly tell you you have seen a hidden side of my life. I look +to you to forget." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +The very rapidity of the glimpse that Morgan had had into that +Hampstead interior made it the more fascinating to dwell upon in +imagination, and, though the definite figure of Cleo now took the +place of the vague, smiling woman who had always been with him, it +seemed to him that he had discerned Cleo's every feature from the +beginning. + +The general flow of his thoughts and moods were coloured by this +fantastic adventure on which, he now felt, he was fairly embarked. +Nevertheless his life was not proceeding precisely on the lines he had +conceived when he had resolved to transport his imaginative +combinations from the field of paper to the field of life, to weave +dreams from reality instead of from thought. That disattachment he had +decided on in order that he might abandon himself wholly to the urging +of his temperament was proving a much more gradual process than he had +supposed. + +For as yet the old relations were being continued; the man in +him--which the poet was unable to suppress entirely--could not break +these off abruptly. Thus, when Margaret's pink note announcing the +studio-warming arrived, he could not possibly accept the notion of +ignoring it, for was he not her true and healthy lover? His +friendship, too, with Lady Thiselton, had even become strengthened in +spite of himself. He could not help telling himself again and again +that she was as firm and true as a rock. And the very man in him that +appreciated her sterling qualities had still a sense of shame at his +having taken money from her, forced though his hand had been. The +vagueness and nebulousness of the future that suited the poet made the +man with his healthy repugnance to debt extremely uncomfortable. + +The flow of his existence had thus split up into two currents, but the +stronger by far was the poetic force in him that made for a desperate +playing with life. + +Yet several days passed without his being impelled to go to Cleo +again. Even as he had been wont to wait for inspiration, so he waited +now for the spirit to move him to the next step in this life-fantasy. +His time got frittered away, he scarcely knew how. He replied to +several letters from his father, who wrote to him at great length on +particular points of ethics, for the banker had by now seriously set +to work on his _magnum opus_. Two or three times Helen ran in to see +him at tea-time, and did her best to amuse him. The mere reflection +that Ingram must suppose he was but the most casual acquaintance of +Helen's was sufficient for that; so that she had not a very difficult +task, and expressed herself highly pleased at the agreeable mood in +which she was now finding him. She chatted quite freely about Ingram +and the latest developments of his courtship of her. She had refused +him for the fifth time, but he didn't seem the least bit discouraged +yet. + +"By the way," she went on, "I've just been reading his biography in a +magazine. Evidently he has not been as frank with his interviewer as +he has been with me. The way I made him confess was just lovely, +though now he makes that a grievance, much to my indignation. All I +said was I couldn't possibly begin to consider his case till I knew +all about him. I made no promise at all. At first, indeed, he was +foolish enough to insist his record was spotless. A man who writes +novels of such sound moral tone! If only he had written naturalistic +novels, I might have believed him." + +Morgan wondered if Ingram had included Cleo in his "confession." He +was rather inclined to doubt it, because he felt sure that the very +strangeness of that _liaison_ would have made Helen want to tell him +about it. + +"And what do you intend to do with him ultimately?" he asked. + +"Well, if I thought it would make you the least bit jealous, I should +announce that I intended to accept him. But as there is no possible +advantage to be gained by such a falsehood, it would be very +extravagant of me to waste it. I've scattered so many of them in my +time that I must be economical for the rest of my life." + +Though he had never for a moment believed there was any possibility of +her marrying Ingram, he was yet relieved to hear her state her +intentions so definitely. Such was his sense of Ingram's unworthiness +of her! + +A couple of days later he went to Margaret's studio-warming. Both the +experience and the anticipation of it were emotionally exciting. But +as a good many of Margaret's particular friends were there, her +attention had to be spread out a great deal, and he did not have to +talk to her much at first. Certainly there was nothing between them +that could be called conversation. + +He found it soothing to talk a little with Mrs. Medhurst, who was +always equable, nice, and apparently in a pleased mood. She also had +been receiving long confidential letters from his father, and she +expressed the fear that at the rate the latter was now going in the +direction of iconoclasm he was courting public suppression. + +"He is very much in earnest," she added. "I have written him at length +about the bringing up of daughters--he insisted on having my views. He +is very modest, though--just ventures to hope for success. 'If I only +had Morgan's pen,' he once wrote, yearningly." + +To be reminded now how completely his father had been won over to +belief in him was but to have all the bitterness of his failure again +concentrated in one moment. + +During the rest of the time he found himself carrying on a +half-hearted conversation here and there, yet with all his attention +on Margaret. He followed her with his eyes, watching her every +movement and gesture, noting her every smile, catching her laughter +and the sound of her voice. Something that was light, that was +sunshine, seemed to detach itself from her and to fill the whole room; +something that brought a sense of happiness to mingle with his strange +mood. + +He felt that happiness as a sick man feels a cool, soft caress on his +brow. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +One afternoon Morgan took a hansom and drove to Hampstead. He entered +the glass-covered way that led up to Cleo's door and knocked +unhesitatingly. The servant who responded to his summons stared at him +in undisguised astonishment. + +"Is your mistress at home?" he asked, for he did not know by what name +to enquire for Cleo. He sent in his own, however, and was immediately +ushered into her presence. This gave him no elation, because he had +taken it for granted she would receive him. + +"I had a sort of presentiment you would come to-day," said Cleo, +throwing on one side the novel she had been reading, and the cover of +which, illumined with seven mystic stars and a veiled floating figure, +just caught his eye. + +"And I just felt that I _must_ come," he said as, at her invitation, +he took a seat on one of the quaint stools with somewhat of an air of +long habituation to this strange Egyptian chamber. + +Cleo was lounging on her gilded settee, obviously arrayed to receive +him in the hope of his calling. A vague, mystic light that compelled +an almost religious emotion came through the tiny window panes. The +fountain played with a soft splash. + +"Do you know I am what the vulgar call 'superstitious?'" she +continued. "I always knew you would come into my life." + +As she spoke her eyes seemed to shine with a greater fire. The scarlet +of her lips to-day was somewhat concealed by the half shadows; her +hair, too, seemed silkier and more restrained in tone than his first +impression of it. Her gown was of a vague colour--a sort of blue-grey, +in which the element of blue was suggested as a light continuous +tinge. A crimson silk scarf, fastened with an opal buckle, formed a +pleasing sash, and fell to the knee. As before, her feet were +sandalled. + +"That letter of yours Robert showed me--years ago now--made me love +you at once," she explained. "Only a man of genius could have written +it. How my heart bled for you when you said, 'I see no other end to +the comedy than fall. God knows what shape that fall will take, into +what mud my soul plunge in the fight for life. I could bear anything +if I were not so utterly alone and helpless.... If you could see me, +speak to me--help me in any way!' Yes, I wanted to see you--speak to +you--help you. It was I who made Robert respond to your appeal. I +remember how disgusted I was with him when he insisted on taking the +whole thing as a splendid joke, just because he found you had a rich +father." + +Her strange, soft voice seemed almost informed with dramatic passion +as she quoted his letter. It was clear she knew the whole of it by +heart. So Ingram's violation of his confidence, he reflected, had been +responsible for this interweaving of his life with Cleo's, and his +presence here to-day was but the natural continuation of the beginning +then made. He confessed to having been angered with Ingram. + +"My blundering vision could not see how the strands were being woven," +he added. + +"I was certain all along they _were_ being woven," she returned. "The +incident at the time made a great impression on me, and I knew that +one day we should come together." + +It gave him a thrill of joy to learn that he had been occupying her +thoughts for years past; that, having once come within her +consciousness, he had remained in her vision as a never-fading image. + +"I am encouraged to ask you about yourself," he said. "You know I love +you, too." + +This last statement was not an insincere one, for he did not conceive +it as a real statement made to a real human being. Cleo was his +wonderful dream-woman, and he had no notion at all of getting any +insight into her as a real woman playing an actual rôle in actual +life. He did not think of her as an element of real life at all; she +was simply the heroine of the fantasy he was busy weaving. His +declaration represented exactly his sentiment towards her in that +rôle; it expressed his sense of the fitness of things at the moment, +was the requisite correct touch the position demanded--this position +which he had mentally isolated from the rest of reality, and in which +for the time being he had lost himself. + +"I know, dear," she answered. "I will tell you gladly, for I want you +to understand and appreciate me. Like you I have always been conscious +of genius, but I have had to wait long, bitter years. 'Tis always so +with genius. I have ever felt myself a chosen spirit, and I am sure I +am destined to become the greatest actress that has yet charmed and +captivated the world. Am I not tall, surpassingly beautiful, +lithe and supple as a reed--graceful as a lily? But that is not all. +In me is reincarnated the spirit of the ancient East, and it is my +mission to interpret that spirit to the modern world. I will help you, +dear, to realize that same spirit, and then one day, in a grand burst +of inspiration you shall write the play of my life. Then shall I break +upon the civilized world as a revelation. + +"I can remember no time at which I have not been conscious of my +mission. But six years ago, when I set out on my journey into the +world, I was scarcely more than a child. I had no influence--I knew +nobody; and so I had no chance of making a real appearance at once. I +had to begin by joining a touring company, and that only to play the +rôle of a servant girl. At the time I was glad of any beginning, for I +was confident I should make my way. But I soon found myself stranded. +Then what do you think I did?" + +"You wrote a letter to Ingram--just as I did?" he exclaimed excitedly. + +She laughed. + +"That is very clever of you. It is exactly what I did. He had a +successful play running at one theatre and I read that he was at work +on a new play for another manager. I thought that, if I could only +induce him to see me, I might get a real chance. My letter produced +the desired effect, for in it I had told him exactly what my future +was to be. We had an interview and he perfectly agreed with everything +I had said about myself. But he swore he could do nothing for me. His +plays, he asserted, contained no fit part for me--it would be a +thousand pities if I let my strength and energies be dissipated +in playing minor parts that any intelligent school girl with a pair of +bright eyes could do ample justice to. Then he confided to me that he, +too, had plans and ambitions, but that he was not making nearly so +much money as he was said to be doing in the personal paragraphs of +the newspapers. He was putting aside, however, all he could spare, so +that he might have a vast theatre of his own; and if that came to pass +I was the one being on earth to be associated with him in such a +mighty undertaking. Would I stay with him and wait? + +"So I stayed with him, and I have waited--six years! We have built our +vast theatre again and again--it was to be the vastest in the world, +so that my audience should be worthy of my great gifts. Time after +time have we gone together into every detail of the scheme, I always +believing that at last we were getting ready in earnest. You will +wonder, perhaps, how it is I have allowed myself to be deceived for so +long. It was because I believed in him during the first three years, +and during the second three I had already lost so much time that I +_dared_ not disbelieve in him. It was always: 'Just six months more, +Cleo, dear, and then we shall astonish the world.' And then the vision +of that vast theatre was too fascinating for me to abandon. His +excuses were always plausible. Now he had made some terribly bad +investment, now a publisher had gone bankrupt, now the sales of his +books had fallen tremendously. Besides, he kept complaining bitterly +that he was being forced to suppress his genius and individuality and +to work for money. Just as he was waiting patiently, so must I wait +patiently. He was to write me my great piece, and I was to interpret +it. He bought this house for me and had this room rebuilt to suit my +ideas, so that the spirit in me should be nourished by a congenial +environment. By sitting here each day and meditating, I have +ministered to my sacred moods and I have kept pure the essence of the +ages which I am to revive for the modern world. Thus the years have +not been wasted. I have matured. I am confident my powers have +increased, and I have never felt more eager to exercise them than now. +Let me but appear in a suitable rôle and both fame and fortune are +assured to me, for I shall easily eclipse every living actress. + +"Of course, I have recognised now that Robert has been playing me +false, at least of late. I should not like to think that he did not +really have those ideas in the first years, but I realise now he has +abandoned them and hasn't the courage to confess the truth. Of course, +he says that his year's finances have all gone wrong again, and that +he had seriously underestimated the capital necessary for the +undertaking. + +"I am not a prisoner, of course. I have always had perfect liberty, +and I engaged the maids myself. They are too well paid not to be +attached to me. Robert is supposed to be my husband. Of course, they +know he isn't. Altogether, I have not been so very unhappy here. This +room has been a great comfort to me, and Robert and I have always got +on well together. But now we must part. He will miss me after all this +time, but there is no reason why we should not part in peace." + +She related all this with the greatest naïveté, so that her absolute +faith in herself, her genius, and her mission, did not astonish him. +The words seemed to flow naturally from the personality. + +He was aware she had scarcely given him a biography, but he liked to +take her as a mystical figure floating out of a sort of nebula. Such +personal details as might have been relatable of any other woman he +did not want to know; they would have interfered with this purely +artistic vision of her. + +"I wish that I had a fortune to place at your disposal," he murmured. +"You should have your theatre at once." + +"My vast theatre!" she sighed. "I fear I must dismiss that as a +hopeless dream. But I could take a theatre and make a less ambitious +beginning with very little money, indeed," she added, yearningly. + +Then Morgan told her the condition of his finances; how he had +exhausted his own resources, and how "a friend"--he referred to Helen +in this highly general manner--had lent him five hundred pounds, of +which he had scarcely spent anything yet, but which he had not the +slightest idea how he was going to repay. Of course, he could not and +would not apply to his father again; on which point Cleo readily +expressed her sympathy with him. + +Asked by him how much she thought would be sufficient to launch her on +her career, she could not say at once, but promised to think about it +and discuss the matter with him when he came again. She explained that +whatever the amount was, it would only be necessary to have it to draw +upon in case of need. Success being certain from the first, money +would come flowing in immediately, and, if they did decide to embark +on the adventure, he would certainly be able to repay his friend very +soon. + +Her words to him were so many oracular statements, and he no more +thought of questioning them than a child thinks of questioning its +teacher about the names of the strange marks that constitute the +alphabet. + +"You will be coming again, then, on Thursday," said Cleo, as he +stooped to kiss her hand in token of farewell. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +"My dear," said Cleo, when Morgan came again, "I want to bind you to +me for always. Let us marry at once, or, at least, as soon as +possible. Then, since we shall have thrown in our lots for good and +always, we shall achieve together what we have been unable to do +separately. My spirit shall act on yours, and one day your genius +shall fashion the great masterpiece of my life. As soon as we are +married we shall take a theatre and I shall put on the most suitable +play I can find. As I have already told you, I have given up those +idle dreams of a vast theatre of my own, in which to make my début. +But never before have I felt my powers to be so ripe. Let me but +appear for one evening in a part that will enable me to do justice to +my gifts and I shall bring the world to my feet. I look to you to help +me now, and, by making myself yours for always I shall at least be +showing my gratitude and my confidence in you. It is but right that +two geniuses should be mated. The fact that we both thought of the +same resource under similar conditions--for were you not as forlorn +and alone as I?--was prophetic, and clearly indicated it was fated +your life and mine were to be cast together." + +Her masterful definiteness hypnotised him. Her will was strong enough +to do what his own had failed to complete, to draw him away from the +rest of the world and absorb his life in hers. + +Cleo had entered into his spirit and had at length not only silenced +but won over the man in him. She had seized on his whole being, +appropriated his every thought, and had attuned to hers every chord of +his complex nature. Her perfume and colour, her exotic beauty, had +entwined themselves in his every fibre, had enslaved his senses, and +intoxicated the thinking part of him. Her genius, too, cast an added +glamour of enchantment over the new life that lay before him--a +dream-life into which this marriage would take him entirely, and by +contrast with which, apart from its anguish, the real life behind him +lay dull and leaden. + +To link his life with hers! To launch Cleo as a great actress! To win +renown side by side! He yielded himself to the prospect with eager +enthusiasm! + +The notion of taking a theatre that Cleo had put before him at their +last meeting had already led him to make a rough calculation of his +present resources, and he had estimated that a financial clearing-up +would leave him with but little more than three hundred pounds. He +mentioned this now somewhat hesitatingly, for he feared that sum might +be quite inadequate. He was relieved to hear Cleo say that she could +make it suffice; and with her clever management he would very soon be +able to discharge his debt to his friend. She knew exactly how to go +to work and would make all arrangements, but of course she would let +him help her as much as he could. + +"We shall set to work the very day we marry, for we must not lose any +time. All I shall take away from here are my costumes. I have some +money that Robert has given me from time to time, but that I am going +to return to him. It would be a desecration for us to use a penny of +his in our new life. Of course we must make our home temporarily in +furnished rooms." + +The next day Morgan paid all his odd, floating debts, and got his +particular possessions together; all of which did not occupy him very +long. When he saw Cleo again it was arranged that she should take the +requisite formal steps for their marriage before the registrar, and +that she should also begin negotiations for the renting of a Strand +theatre. She had had her final reckoning with Ingram, who had assumed +an air of indifference, and had not wanted to know anything about her +plans or future movements. + +"'Since you have made up your mind,' he said, 'I have no option but to +bow to your wishes.' But I could see that his lips were drawn as if +his heart ached at having to lose me. I must have meant so much to him +all this time. Poor Robert!" + +"Of course, I gave him back his money," she went on, when her emotion +had subsided. "He took that with the same indifference. He said he +could quite appreciate my feeling about it and he would not oppose my +wishes on the point." + +As regards his family and friends, Morgan made up his mind to write to +his father, to Lady Thiselton, and to Mrs. Medhurst, simply announcing +the mere fact that he had married. He would not give any particulars +nor say a word as to the personality of Cleo. The rest of his +acquaintances he would simply ignore. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +However, on the day before his marriage, Morgan happened to come +across Mrs. Medhurst's dance card amid a heap of papers he was about +to destroy, and somewhat to his surprise found it was for that very +evening. He had accepted the invitation verbally, when talking to Mrs. +Medhurst at the studio-warming. And now a strange notion seemed to +come whizzing at him and he arrested it with a clutch. + +Why should he not go and dance with Margaret for the last time? + +In a moment his mind was made up. And shortly after ten o'clock he +found himself being received by Mrs. Medhurst. A half-dizziness came +over him as he shook hands with her--the festal atmosphere that +pervaded the rooms seemed to blur his senses. He would have stumbled +had it not been that Margaret's voice fell upon his ear just then, and +he became aware that her hand was in his. He saw her, as she stood at +her mother's side, a clear and gracious figure against the mist of +things. + +She was in white to-night with just a lily in her hair, and it showed +graciously in a dainty setting of green. An adorable tiny edge of arm +peeped between sleeve and glove. Morgan thought of the lines Helen had +whispered to him at the Whitechapel Coffee House: + + "The Blessed Damozel leaned out + From the gold bar of Heaven; + Her eyes were deeper than the depth + Of waters stilled at even." + + +He wrote his name on her programme. He was feeling timid and +self-distrustful, and having taken a dance near the beginning he +hesitated perceptibly before taking another lower down. She thanked +him gravely as he returned her the card and he thought he detected a +half-sorrowful expression in her face. No doubt she had been quick to +observe the constraint of his manner, and he felt she must be +suspecting something. + +He was glad that the arriving guests were claiming her attention, and +he moved away and mingled with the crowd. But he was indifferent to +the scene, to the music and dancing, to all but Margaret. He could not +turn his eyes away from her. He took note of every man that asked a +dance of her. One of them kept writing on her programme for what +seemed to Morgan an unbearable time, Margaret looking on with a +tolerant half-smile. He knew the fellow well and hated him. Fledgling +at one or other of the learned professions, always aggressively smooth +and well-bred, a veritable paragon of polish without a single +redeeming mannerism, to Morgan he represented one large swagger. There +was something in the pose of the eye-glasses and in the clean-shaven +upper lip that told of boundless conceit and infinite self-assurance. +What right had he, was Morgan's indignant thought--and he made the +criticism as of a mere external fact from which he stood aloof--to be +so friendly with Margaret? How was it that she should show such +little insight as to be imposed upon by so specious a personality? No +doubt she thought him perfectly charming! + +He was very angry and bitter, and already half-repented the impulse +that had driven him here. If the experience, in all its emotional +bearings, was a unique one, it was likewise a disagreeable one. When +the time came round for him to dance with Margaret he tried hard to +appear perfectly at his ease, and to make a show of good spirits. +Exercising the privilege of an old friend, he began to tease her about +the rapidity with which her programme had got filled. + +"A girl must flirt a little," she asserted calmly, after a short +passage-at-arms. "You're not jealous, Morgan, are you?" + +"I am only observant," he answered evasively. + +"Your gift of observation must be truly wonderful--you manage to +exercise it at so great a distance, or perhaps you send out your +astral body to do the observing, which must be the reason why it's +invisible to me." + +"I dare not speak at all. You turn my every word into a scourge +against me." + +"Don't you feel you deserve the scourging?" + +"I have had another melancholy fit," he urged, forced to defend +himself. + +"Poor Morgan!" she said, pityingly. "I do believe you have some +trouble that you are keeping to yourself. Do you know, I've been +thinking so for some time now. You don't trust your friends +sufficiently. Come now, isn't my surmise near the truth?" + +The tears almost welled up to his eyes. He did not answer her, for he +could not speak at all; but his silence was tantamount to an +admission. + +"Poor Morgan!" she repeated softly, as if to herself, and the sympathy +in her voice troubled him still more. "And the trouble? Of course, you +are going to tell me first." + +"Well, not to-night," he answered, closing his heart against her with +a superhuman effort. "I must not spoil your evening." + +"Do you think I shall enjoy it, now that I know?" + +"Why should you not?" he asked, and there was a shade of rebuff in his +tone. A half-savage impulse was urging him to pick a sort of quarrel +with her. + +"You are unkind," she exclaimed in distress. "Is my friendship nothing +to you? Perhaps I am wrong to show you that I care about yours. I +ought not to have let you see I was so concerned about your trouble, +but I could not know that was going to vex you." + +He did not answer, because her words disarmed him. + +"Forgive me, Morgan," she went on gently. "Of course, you are +irritable and all unstrung, and I ought to be very much more patient +instead of flying at you. It would be wicked for us two to quarrel, +but I really do want you to be nice to me." + +She was led away just then, and he felt glad to be relieved of the +responsibility of carrying on the conversation. + +Dance after dance went by. It hurt him to see that eye-glassed +plausible young man dancing with Margaret. His mood grew hateful. The +hours at length became unendurable. He slipped away quietly and went +home. + +But all through the evening he had been conscious in the back part of +his mind of the new life he had embarked upon. And even whilst he held +the sweet lily in his arms, his very love for her bringing him anguish +and bitterness, he was yet aware of scenes that sought to +obtrude--scenes in which figured the wonderful woman with whom he had +thrown in his lot, in which she stood in the glare of the footlights +with a dense packed theatre applauding to madness; scenes not outlined +clear and projected in space, but which were to him shapeless +silhouettes and dazzling formless patches of light flitting across the +extreme background of his consciousness. + + * * * * * + +About mid-day Morgan Druce and Selina Mary Kettering were united in +holy matrimony. She had given her true name for the occasion, but +Morgan, intent on signing his own, scarcely noticed hers. She was Cleo +to him, and Cleo she would remain. It was not till about an hour +later, when they were lunching at a West End restaurant, that his mind +began to play about the fact that he really was married now. Yet it +seemed incredible. For him marriage had always connoted something +large and elaborate, a substantial experience with which were involved +complicated preliminaries, a process so transforming that one almost +expected one's very chemical composition to be changed by it. + +But all had been so astonishingly simple. The whole morning had been +singularly like other mornings. The visit to the registrar's office +had been short and unimpressive. His bone and tissue were perfectly +unaffected by it. Cleo and he had lunched here before. How then was +his relation to her so different from what it had been? + +He argued with himself. He told himself he _was_ married, but he +refused to believe it. With all his knowledge and certainty of the +fact, he failed to convince himself. And yet that certainty set him +speculating as to what his father and mother would say when they read +the curt announcement he intended dispatching that afternoon. He +wondered what Helen would think, what Margaret. The fragrance and +beauty of the lily seemed suddenly to invade his spirit. He had a +sense of sweetness and light, followed by a reaction of pain. Perhaps +Margaret would be crushed by the news; perhaps--and he could not help +the thought, grotesque though it was--she would marry that smooth, +eye-glassed young man. + +There was a strange ringing in his ears; he was conscious of his whole +being soaring far away, a floating, palpitating spirit amid great +spaces of mystery and dream. A universal music was swelling around +him, a mighty concerto bursting full upon him from the stillness of +infinite distances--the sobbing of violins, the blare of brazen +instruments, an orchestral clash and clang. + +"You may smoke," said Cleo. + +With a start he found himself amid the garish mirrors of the gilded +restaurant. + + +END OF BOOK II. + + + + +BOOK III. + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Had the transition from bachelorhood to the married state been less +easy and less quickly achieved, Morgan might perhaps have realised +that the pattern of life he was weaving had not the same +undetachedness from the real as a pattern woven in dream, but that it +was a part and parcel of the real. As it was, he was not the man to +stop and think, once he had made his plunge into the strange, vague +future that had appealed to him. And now this theatrical enterprise, +with Cleo as the star, loomed ahead of him not only as the redemption +of his empty life, but wrapped in that seductive romance which his +mood and temperament demanded. + +For the present, they had taken furnished rooms in Bloomsbury, where +they lived under an assumed name. Morgan did not leave his new address +at his old quarters, for he did not want any letters to follow him, no +matter from whom they came. He felt he had done all he could in +writing the three letters he had decided to write. And with the +sending of those letters, he seemed to be detaching himself from his +old life with one clean cut; his imagination left free to construct +the tableaux of what he believed--such was the impression Cleo's +personality had made on him--was going to be a gorgeous panoramic +future, a triumphant historic march through the civilised world. The +fact that Cleo now went about clothed like any other mortal did not +detract from his estimate of her genius, for the mere dispensation +with such extraneous splendour left untouched the splendour of the +woman herself. + +And, from this mere moving from one London street to another, he had +all the feeling of having placed a thousand miles between himself and +everybody who knew him. In the theatrical enterprise he was to figure +under his present assumed name, though that was only likely to come +within the public cognizance as the name borne by Cleo's husband, a +personage none of his friends would think of associating with himself. +He thought he might thus fairly count on remaining undiscovered, +though, of course, he could not provide against chance encounters. But +he felt he would be very angry if any attempt were made to follow him +up and interfere in any way with the destiny he had chosen. + +Meanwhile, with an exaggerated sense of his own helplessness, he +looked up to Cleo with an unshakable confidence, placing an oracular +value on her every word. She symbolised for him an all-conquering +power before which destiny itself could make no front. Had he been an +artist he would have painted her as the triumphant figure of allegory, +standing amid the stars with one foot planted on the terrestrial +globe. His attitude towards her was one of wondering admiration and +blind assent; with so much deliberateness did she turn her vision on +that seething world which she was preparing to conquer, and which had +always been to him such a whirling, giddy, incomprehensible chaos that +he had never been able to look steadily at it. Now, timidly peeping +from behind her skirts, he ventured to open his eyes on it. Alone, he +would never have known where to touch the heterogeneous, noisy mass, +but she, displaying a definite and intimate knowledge of its +constituents, at once began to establish relations with it here and +there. These efforts of hers seemed to him at first random and +isolated, and he watched with interested expectancy for the +light-giving result as a child might watch the preparations for an +elaborate conjuring trick. Eventually he began to see, with a pleased +sort of surprise, that the floating set of relations entered into by +Cleo was assuming recognisable shape as a theatrical enterprise. + +The marvel she inspired in him deepened daily, so wonderful seemed her +purposefulness, her energy, her faith in herself. And though, beside +these qualities of hers, his diffidence compelled him to +self-effacement, he yet seemed to draw something from her very +superabundance. + +From the beginning he had given up all the money to her, only too +pleased to be rid of the control of it. But when the arrangements were +fairly advanced, she insisted on his mastering the details of the +expenditure she was making and on going into the figures with him each +time she drew up what she considered a likely profit and loss account, +which she did at least once each evening. The result was always on the +right side and always large, and he was not quite clear that it did +not necessarily represent a sure fact, if a future one. Figures had +always irritated him, but, as she performed all the arithmetical +processes and he simply had to exert his intelligence to the extent of +grasping what each item stood for, he was pleased to find himself +equal to the effort. + +Their three hundred pounds in the meantime had dwindled considerably, +but, as Cleo showed no signs of anxiety, it never occurred to Morgan +to feel uneasy. Cleo, who, for the sake of simplicity and also to +enhance her authority over the people she should employ, was making +every arrangement in her name only, had had to pay a large sum down +before she had been allowed to take possession of the theatre, for she +had been preceded by some other enterprising actress, with whom the +lessees had been less stringent, and who had come to grief, much to +their disgust. The costumers and the printers, too, were shy of +unknown dames with stage ambitions, and their co-operation was not to +be obtained without a show of bank notes. + +Nor was Cleo unprepared in the all-important question of the play +itself. She had employed some of her past leisure at Hampstead in +translating many pieces from the French, and she now gave Morgan half +a dozen to read, saying she had already formed her own opinion as to +which one contained the best part for her and she wanted to see if his +judgment would tally with hers. Morgan was glad to have this quiet +task to keep him occupied for a few days. He took it, however, very +solemnly, for he wished to arrive at an honest decision, but he did +not wish it to be different from hers. However, he could not say he +liked any of the plays. Half of them were modern, half Oriental; all +artificial and stilted, and full of long-winded inanity. Eventually he +selected one of the Oriental, which he thought would at any rate give +Cleo an opportunity of displaying her dresses--to such Machiavellian +extent had she already influenced him. To his delight, she declared +that his choice was hers. He timidly ventured on a little criticism, +but she laughed and assured him that the play itself signified +nothing--plays were mere excuses for acting. This one provided a +part which, if not the ideal one for her, would at least enable her to +display herself and her genius to some advantage. Of course, she was +well aware she was not making the début that befitted her genius, as +that would have involved a play written specially for her in which +every other part was artistically subordinated to her own, a vast +theatre such as the one she had dreamed of, and a lavish expenditure; +her brain, moreover, being entirely relieved of all material +considerations and her spirit left unfettered. Under the present +make-shift circumstances she must be content with such humble +beginning as the poor funds at her disposal would allow her. And +Morgan felt quite guilty at his inability to provide the ideal début +she described, feeling she had quite a right to despise this mean and +unworthy beginning, and that it was really generous of her to face the +difficulties occasioned by their narrow means without complaint. + +That there were difficulties he could not help knowing, for Cleo was +at no pains to conceal the fact. Rather was she intent on showing that +she was perfectly capable of vanquishing them. When the open-handed +policy she had been compelled to adopt had reduced their resources to +about fifty pounds, Cleo withdrew the money from the bank, saying it +would be safer in her pocket. But by this time her unhesitating +payments had begun to produce their effect, and it had got about that +she was no mere penniless adventuress, but a wealthy stage-struck +dame. As a mysterious personage, suddenly springing from nowhere into +the theatrical world, she began to arouse a good deal of interest, and +the flâneurs in those circles obtained kudos by pretending to precise +information about her. The rumour of riches spread. Tradespeople +became sweet and pliant--the plucking of a goose with golden feathers +was not an every-day event. + +Cleo, who could afford to pay anything out of the profits of the huge +success to come, cleverly betrayed the rich amateur's ignorance of +charges, varying it by the occasional query: "Isn't that rather dear?" +Her delight at securing an abatement of a few shillings was so +undisguised that it caused much amusement to complaisant tradesmen. + +The transaction of all this preliminary business afforded Cleo an +immense enjoyment. Her front to the world throughout had been the +perfection of boldness. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +And now Morgan found himself doing quite a deal of work, arranging +parts for typewriting, reading proofs and trying to understand +something of the--to him--intricate system of theatrical accounts. He +was proud when he succeeded in following business details, astonished +to find they were not beyond his intelligence. He passed to and from +the theatre several times a day, curiously glad to feel himself a +working part of all this complex machinery. But he was never quite +comfortable in the building, wandering uneasily about its corridors +and almost feeling as though he ought to explain his presence to one +or other of its scattered population he encountered in odd corners. +Everybody about the building seemed vaguely respectful to him, as +though possessed of some faint notion that he was attached to Cleo in +some incomprehensible way or other. + +So far Cleo had behaved with perfect sang-froid. If at home she had +occasionally allowed her natural excitement to appear, it had been of +a pleasurable kind and fully sympathised with by Morgan. In the mere +commercial transactions that had relation to the enterprise, she had +shown herself as calm and unshakable as a rock, but as soon as the +actual fact of her chosen art began to be concerned, she commenced to +reveal other sides of her nature that disturbed Morgan's blind worship +in no little degree. + +The first thing that began to stir his doubts was her method of +engaging the players, for she put on the airs of a grand patron, and +such pleasure did this part of the business give her that she +prolonged it unduly. She made actors and actresses wait upon her time +after time when she had not the slightest intention of engaging them. +She liked to have a crowd waiting in her anteroom at the theatre and +admitted to her august presence one at a time. It behoved her, she +explained to Morgan, to impress people from the beginning, and, though +this was the first time she had had a theatre of her own, she wanted +to appear as if to the manner born. Moreover, when he took the +opportunity, by way of expostulation, to express his sympathy with the +rejected applicants, who had been kept "hanging about" in vain, she +was able to make a show of justification, urging it had been necessary +for her to have the widest latitude of choice. + +When the company was complete she laughingly admitted it was none of +the finest, but it would make an excellent foil for herself. + +But it was only when the rehearsals began that Morgan discovered Cleo +possessed attributes, frequently associated with genius, it is true, +but by no means certain symptoms of it. Her patience was astonishingly +short and she possessed a temper that was perfectly ungovernable, once +it was roused. He likewise observed that there was a certain +domineering spirit in the whole control of the theatre. + +His eyes were first opened to this state of affairs one day when he +had wandered on to the stage and stood surveying the desolate +emptiness of the house, in the vague spaces of which cleaners flitted +about or busied themselves amid the dim tiers of swathed seats. +Orchestra practice was proceeding in the band room, and Morgan stayed +to listen for awhile. A sudden high-pitched brutal comment gave him +the first inkling of the conductor's bullying methods. + +The discovery soon followed that the stage manager was worse than the +conductor, and that, when Cleo once lost her head, which she did very +easily at rehearsals, she became almost hysteric. She was, however, +always ready to explain away her exhibitions of temper, saying that +the stupidity of the players and the worry of making things go right +were trying beyond human endurance. Which explanation he had perforce +to accept. + +It was in apprehension of witnessing her outbreaks that he dared not +stay at the theatre during rehearsal hours for more than a few minutes +at a time. He could not help knowing, however, lounging about the +house as he did, that Cleo was disliked by all the company, she and +the stage manager being bracketed together as a pair of bullies. He +was aware he himself was better liked, for he got on very well indeed +with a couple of the men and thought them "very decent fellows." +Though their poverty forced them to borrow occasional half-crowns of +him, that only made him sympathise with them the more. + +Morgan himself would have been puzzled to tell what difference the new +light in which Cleo was showing herself was making in his attitude +towards her. Her personality, taken as a whole, remained fully as +wonderful and impressive for him as before, and in the hours of her +calm he could scarcely believe he had ever seen her worked up into +such tense, nervous states. At such times there seemed possibilities +of indulgent explanation, for in all else she was living up to his +conception and to his expectations of her. His faith in her genius was +unshaken. Nothing had occurred to make him doubt the glorious +successes to come. Yet were the shortcomings she had so far displayed +distinct and tormenting drawbacks to the enthusiasm with which he had +begun. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +The frenzy of activity grew greater as the time of opening approached. +The three weeks allotted for the rehearsal swept by for Morgan in +tempestuous flight--an impression which he got from watching the +feverish evolutions of his Cleo. He found himself, too, drawn into +London night life, assisting at restaurant supper parties and sitting +down with men in evening dress who affected cloaks and crush hats, and +who were scarcely names to him. Cleo presided, sometimes as hostess, +sometimes as guest; Morgan, who figured as "my husband," having the +feeling that the others were just civilly tolerant to him. As for +himself, he was inclined to be taciturn, being little versed in the +matters on which the rest discoursed so racily. Cleo gave him to +understand that these men, and others he had stumbled against in the +corridors of the theatre and who seemed to have an easy entrée to her, +were those whose good will it was necessary to secure--critics, +journalists and the like. She further confided to him that she +considered she had achieved a triumph in drawing them round her. Asked +if they were of the first importance, she had to confess most of them +were attached to various weekly papers, whose influence, however, she +thought must be considerable. The names of the sheets were but dimly +familiar to Morgan and had that equivocal ring about them that +suggested vagueness of circulation. He did not quite approve of this +fawning on critics and hinted as much, whereupon Cleo insisted the +critics were only too glad to fawn on her. + +"Do you suppose they have no insight?" she asked, "that they are +incapable of recognising beauty and genius? They can read the future +in my face, and for the sake of their own reputation they dare not +overlook or ignore me at the outset." + +The world seemed to hold its breath on the last day, and Morgan was +conscious of a strange hush that seemed to hang over the crowded, +grinding thoroughfares. The last of the money had been spent in +advertising, and every portable effect, including his own watch, had +gone to raise more. All day long he lounged about the theatre in +feverish suspense. From the box office man--an incommunicative +individual with an absurd mustache, who spoke with an air of +resentment at being accosted--he learned that the advance booking had +been very slight, that, so far, the announcements and the various odd +paragraphs from the pen of Bohemian acquaintances, who had spoken very +favourably of Cleo's beauty, had failed to attract more than seven or +eight pounds. + +But never for a moment did Cleo lose faith in the venture--that would +have been to lose faith in herself. Of course she knew her name was +absolutely unfamiliar to the public, she explained, in anticipation of +unsatisfactory takings, and, therefore, she could not expect to draw a +full house the first night. She had, however, taken steps to secure +appearances by an extensive distribution of paper. But she expected +the effect of her performance to be magnetic. She alone would stand +forth and the play and the rest of the players would scarcely obtrude +on the consciousness of the spectators. After the first evening or two +they would certainly have to turn away business. + +The near approach of the moment when the realisation of his panoramic +visions was at last to begin, freshened again in Morgan all his sense +of the romance of the situation. There had been times in the last few +days when he had suffered from despondency. There were sides to +theatrical life that were little to his taste. He had long since +known, for instance, that the stage manager was addicted to obscene +talk; and when, one day, just as in the middle of a rehearsal he was +about to step from the wings on to the stage, he was arrested by a +torrent of vileness that came from that same individual, he was not +very much surprised at the mere fact. But he was vexed and disgusted +that the fellow should not have restrained himself in the presence of +Cleo. What was worse, Cleo herself seemed to be perfectly unaware of +anything exceptionable, for she made not the least protest; from which +Morgan gathered that the sort of thing must be quite usual and that, +had he not shunned the rehearsals so persistently, he would have known +it before. Thus, there were moments when he felt utterly alone in this +strange life, when he longed for real, human sympathy. He yearned for +some other being who was not Cleo, to whom to turn, to whom to pour +out the human emotion that was in him; some being who belonged to the +life from which he had cut himself off, and to which he looked back +almost as from another world. Yet these were only momentary longings +that mastered him. His whole interest, his whole imagination, were +bound up with his present life; and the fascination exerted over him +by Cleo and the wonderful future he believed was to be hers sufficed +to attach him enthusiastically to her career. + +Thus, as the rising of the curtain approached, so did the excitement +in him overcome every other emotion; so did he become absolutely a +creature of this region into which he had plunged, breathing its air +with avidity and entranced by the prospect. + +"I've a surprise in store for you, dear," Cleo confided to him that +day at lunch. "I've arranged a special scene at the beginning of the +second act, in which I alone appear. No one has any suspicion of it, +but I tell you, dear, the effect will be wonderful. Coming after I +shall have charmed everybody with my acting in the first act, it will +carry the audience off its feet with enthusiasm." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Morgan, installed in a box, all by himself, was eagerly interested in +the audience as it came straggling into the house, which, thanks to +the paper distributed, ultimately presented a pretty compact +appearance. He himself was ignorant how much real business had been +done, but, so far as he could judge, the gallery and pit were being +fairly well patronised. No doubt a good many had been drawn by the +gorgeous poster representing Cleo, twice her natural size, and dressed +in a costume somewhat like the one she had worn when he had first made +her acquaintance. Appropriately huge ornamental letter-press declared +her to be "The Basha's Favourite;" and it was on the first act of "The +Basha's Favourite" that the audience was now waiting for the curtain +to rise. + +And at this moment of culminating excitement the scene impressed +Morgan curiously. His mood was essentially one of romance. That the +play itself was full of inanities was forgotten; but its title and +Egyptian colour together with Cleo's personality had somehow got +inter-blent and interwoven with the enterprise itself, making even +its commercial and prosaic sides instinct with mystery and unreality. +He seemed to have wandered into an Arabian Nights' tale. The figures +that filled the stalls, pit, and galleries took on the aspect of a +crowd that might people a dream or the visions a child seeks in its +pillow. He was conscious of the shapeless totality of myriad +conversations--a blur of sound, mystic and bewildering. + +Now, too, the front rows of stalls, which he knew were reserved for +the critics, began to fill, and a waft of unpleasantness came to him +as he recognised a few of the acquaintances he had made at recent +supper parties. The disturbance was fatal to his mood. He felt +suddenly unstrung. A strange sense of unhappiness invaded him--a +bitter, far-embracing uncertainty. He was uncertain of himself, of his +life, of all life. The solid scene faded from before his eyes. He +became self-centred. All his consciousness of living and having +lived--his consciousness of all he had ever felt and all he had ever +thought and all he had ever done--was with him as a vast bitterness +that gave him a sense as of an infinite nebula. And then, as in a +flash, this nebula concentred itself into a point--a point that was +his whole sense of life and consciousness. He was now as in a black +tomb, without past, without future, without sense of direction, +without an active thought; with only a mere awareness of existing, +with only the cognizance of the present time-point on the flowingness +of his consciousness. + +The tuning of instruments began just then, and the rasping sound tore +at him, dragging him back to a consciousness of externals. Then, as +his eyes rested again on the stalls, he drew right back instinctively +into the shadow of his box. For he had caught sight of Lady Thiselton. + +She was in the fourth row from the orchestra and by her side he +recognised Mrs. Blackstone. They could only have just entered, for he +was sure those two seats had been empty but the moment before. He felt +tolerably certain Helen had not yet seen him, and he intended to +take care she should not see him. Yet he had an intuition that she +knew all. + +In his altered position in the box he was fairly safe from recognition +by her, even whilst he could watch her closely, noting the quick, +eager glances she cast about her from time to time as if she thought +it possible he might be seated amid the audience. Eventually, however, +she lapsed into a sort of listless immobility. + +And even though he shrank from her, her advent brought back to him a +yearning wistfulness; it awakened and half-appeased a sense akin to +home-sickness. In that moment he would have liked to fly to her--how +much had she stood for in his life! She symbolized for him all that of +humanness which is comprised in the word "comradeship;" she +represented the truth, attachment and loyalty in human relations even +as Margaret represented the perfume, the sweetness, and the +perfection. + +The rise of the curtain forced him to take his eyes off her. The +background of the scene on the stage was apparently the pillared +exterior of a palace, yet the foreground was a carpeted space in which +a many-coloured medley of yataghaned men with baggy breeches and +beautiful slave-girls in Oriental costumes kept re-forming in +ever-shifting kaleidoscopic grouping. And then the audience suddenly +were aware that the medley had divided into two harmonious +sub-medleys, whilst, in the chasm left towards the front, Cleo stood +majestically and addressed a verbose harangue to the Basha, her +relation to whom was known from the title of the play. In full view +and hearing of so heterogeneous a crowd did the Basha in return +reproach her with coldness and indifference to him, which she +vehemently denied, playing the _femme incomprise_ and by her perfect +self-assurance cloaking an intrigue, which Morgan knew she was +carrying on with a handsome Christian, because, having read the play, +he knew what was coming. + +In the unfolding of the plot, Morgan was quite uninterested. In fact, +he had long since lost all grasp of its movement and meaning, and, +instead of taking in the dialogue, he contented himself with judging +effects and their impression on the audience. + +Though he had seen a little of the rehearsals, he had not yet acquired +any notion of Cleo's abilities, for she had been busy directing and +criticising, simply reading her part as a "fill-in." He had all along +taken it for granted that she must be a great actress. At his most +despondent moments he had never doubted that, simply because it had +never occurred to him to doubt it. However, he was not without some +notion of what good acting should be, and he felt something like a +murderous bludgeon blow when, at the end of five minutes, it began to +be forced on him that she had not even the least glimmer of instinct +for her art. + +Despite all her magnificence and the absence of any gaucherie in her +movements when off the stage, all natural grace disappeared the moment +she attempted to be somebody else. Her delivery was unnatural and +pompous; her motions were stiff, strained, ridiculous. The whole of +the first act was unsatisfying to the intelligence, but instead of +dominating it by the force of her personality, Cleo, by the +incompetence of her acting, set up its silliness in relief. If she had +not talked as much as all the other characters put together--for +every word that even the Basha managed to steal in elicited ten +against it--there would have been nothing to suggest she was the +leading character. At one point, indeed, her absurd strutting about +the stage drew a chuckle from somewhere among the ranks of the +critics. To watch her became so painful that Morgan at last turned +away his eyes. + +All was over. His beautiful visions had gone. His eyes were suddenly +opened and he found himself transported from dreamland, not to +reality--for he could not yet believe this was reality--but into what +seemed a horrible nightmare. + +The act ended at last and the curtain fell amid a frigid silence. Then +there was a little clapping in the gallery--the colour had no doubt +pleased a few of the spectators. But it died away immediately in +discouragement. + +There were the usual noises of shuffling and disarrangement and +talking and exits. Morgan drew back as far as he could into the +shadow. He was glad to be thus isolated--he could overhear no +criticism or comments. Naturally his looks stole towards Helen. She +had not moved. He could see that a strange, sad expression had come +over her face. Then she seemed to smile as Mrs. Blackstone made some +remark to her and a reply fell languidly from her lips, after which a +desultory conversation sprang up between the two. + +In that moment it seemed to Morgan that Helen had some wondrous power +against fate and he seemed to be wishing with the intensity of prayer +that she might raise her hand and release him from his nightmare. + +But he knew that was only a yearning fancy! + +And as the thought came to him that the curtain was to rise again in a +moment, it brought back to his memory the precious confidence Cleo had +whispered to him at lunch time. + +"I've a surprise in store for you, dear"--the words surged up again in +his ears--"I've arranged a special scene at the beginning of the +second act, in which I alone appear. No one has any suspicion of it, +but I tell you, dear, that the effect will be wonderful. Coming after +I shall have charmed everybody with my acting in the first act, it +will carry the audience off its feet with enthusiasm." + +As nobody had the air of having been charmed by the first act, he +wondered how the predicted effect would be altered in consequence. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Morgan, of course, could not guess the nature of the new scene that +Cleo was now going to introduce. The stage during the second act was +to represent "a private apartment in the palace," and here the action +assumed some dramatic semblance, taking the following course: The +Christian lover manages to effect an entry into this same private +apartment and to hold a long, loving discourse with the Basha's +favourite, and when eventually the two are about to embrace, in comes +no less a personage than the Basha himself, and advances quietly on +tip-toe and listens for awhile. Suddenly he stamps his foot on the +ground and the room is filled, as by magic, with eunuchs and soldiers. +The audience once more get kaleidoscopic impressions, and Cleo and the +Christian are seized and bound, both spitting defiance and declaring +their mutual eternal love, on hearing which the Basha turns pale under +his Oriental skin. The curtain falls as he bids his myrmidons put her +into a sack and heave her into the Nile, and his favourite is carried +off, loudly bidding her lover take heart, for she loves him and will +love him always. + +Morgan could not see what Cleo could possibly add to this, and his +curiosity gave him some little temporary spurt of interest as the +curtain rose. Up it went, slowly, slowly, and the apartment in the +palace stood revealed in all the glory of gilded pillars and mirrors +and rugs. In front of a huge stretch of mirror on the right was a +couch, on which sat Cleo, wrapped in a sort of yellow silk cloak which +fell about her in pleasing folds. Morgan was beginning to think that +she must have deemed it best to omit the innovation, when Cleo rose +languorously, took a step towards the great mirror, and, standing +erect, inspected herself therein. "Yes, I am worthy of him," she said +to herself proudly, then, with a brusque movement, she disengaged the +garment from her shoulders and it slipped to the ground and lay there +in a soft heap. The spectators then became aware that, save for a sort +of transparent web of floating serpentine drapery, it had been her +sole covering, and Cleo herself remained gazing into the mirror, +regarding her gleaming reflection with evident admiration, whilst the +other mirrors likewise gave back the sinuous grace and superb +modelling of her body. + +The silence for a moment was profound and painful. Cleo's audacity had +caught the audience by the throat so that it could not breathe. Her +all-consuming egotism had driven her to this device for satisfying her +rage for the world's admiration. And as she stood there in statuesque +pose, her rich golden-red hair falling over her shoulders and the full +scarlet of her lips gleaming startlingly, awaiting a great storm of +charmed applause, for which the audience seemed to be gathering its +forces in the interval, again she sent that strange loose softness of +her voice floating through the theatre like a hot wind: "Yes, I am +worthy of him." + +But she had scarcely got through the phrase when a piercing cat-call +shrilled through the house from the back of the pit. Almost +simultaneously a derisive howl came from the gallery; and then an +appalling hissing, hooting, and groaning broke on Cleo with the force +of a tempest that drove towards her from all points. She turned a +defiant face to it and gave the house a blazing look of contempt. But +a whole chorus of cat-calls now sprang up, dominating a sort of +see-saw of dissonant disapprobation. The stalls alone sat in solemn, +wondering silence, not unmixed with apprehension. And suddenly the +curtain began to descend, whereupon the uproar ceased abruptly in +favour of a mighty spontaneous outbreak of cheering, unmistakably +ironic. + +Those behind the scenes had been as much astonished as those in front, +and the stage manager, as soon as he had collected his wits, had +adopted the only sensible alternative the situation afforded. + +A silence fell again upon the theatre. Not a person stirred. An +obvious curiosity as to what was to follow possessed the house. In a +minute the curtain rose again--on the same apartment in the palace. +Cleo reclined on the same couch, robed in a terra-cotta gown which +Morgan recognised at once. And then there came a tapping at a little +window, and, after much appropriate dramatic business, this window was +opened by Cleo, and her lover leaped into the room, man-like and +adventurous. + +But Cleo's audacious mistake had wrought a miracle on the audience, +destroying the stage-illusion, and rousing its dormant light of +intelligence. Its capacity for being profoundly played upon and +emotionally excited by the inartistic unrealities of absurd +characterisation and of absurd combinations of circumstance had been +rendered unresponsive. In vain did the play appeal to its ethical +sense, striving to enlist its hope for the ultimate triumph of the +Good, the True, and the Wronged. It had begun to view "The Basha's +Favourite" in an extremely critical mood, and to manifest its keen +sense of the utter impossibility of a play, which in years gone by had +enchanted and moved to tears average audiences, not only in its native +land, but in London as well, where it had been a sort of fountain-head +for multitudinous adaptation. + +Cleo, however, went straight on with the performance, carrying it +through with an indomitable defiance, caring not at all that the +intensest passages, which otherwise would have thrilled, were received +with scorn and laughter and ironical cheers and cries of "Go it, old +girl!" Each time a servant made an entry he was received with an +enormous ovation. Single voices were heard again and again in +sarcastic comment, now from the top of the house, now from the back. +As the curtain fell at the end of each act, the disorder became +volcanic, but the stage manager knew better than to allow the curtain +to go up again in response to the continued applause. + +Certain it was that the audience thoroughly enjoyed its evening, and, +when the curtain fell for the last time, surpassed itself in a great +demonstration of its frolicsome mood. It had been obvious throughout +that the house had been quite conscious of its own superior +intellectuality, of its immeasurable elevation above the fare offered. +But Morgan derived his sense of the ghastly failure of the whole +business, not so much from the demeanour of the audience as from that +of one of the critics, who somehow summed it up for him. This critic, +whose bald pate had fascinated his eye, had a curiously irritating, +spasmodic chuckle, and Morgan in vain tried to be unaware of him. + +In the intervals of the acts he had remained numbed and dazed, only +gathering to himself a grain of sympathy from the piteous look in +Helen's face. Her demeanour confirmed his intuition, that she must +know everything. She had sat rigid and mournfully attentive in +contrast to Mrs. Blackstone, who had laughed with decorous unrestraint +the whole evening. But he could not prevail upon himself to let her +discover him, and at once plunged behind the scenes to get to Cleo. + +He found her in her dressing-room with her maid, who had come to the +theatre to help her, and he had a thrill of disgust as he watched her +rub the cleansing grease over her painted cheeks. It now struck him as +horrible--this pollution of the human face night after night with +filthy cosmetics that could only be removed by a filthier grease. He +felt that all she had so far restrained was going to break forth and +he stood by with subdued mien. Such shattering as had befallen himself +he was strong enough not to consider for the moment. His immediate +feeling was one of pity for her. He fancied he saw her now, not as the +heroine of his fantasy, but just as she was. Sympathy in him there was +none, and he could not make a hypocritical show of any. But he soon +understood that she took it for granted his faith in her was as +unshaken as her own; that she really believed her performance had been +a great one. Her self-illusion was pitiable. She burst forth into +bitter invective against the public, he listening without being able +to find his tongue, but with the consciousness that, even if she had +behaved madly that evening, the audience deserved at least some of +her censure. Why had it sat there, so determined to have its evening's +fun out, cruelly hounding and torturing a creature who, from her very +temperament, must have found the punishment a hellish one? Why, if +people had really been shocked, had they not quietly left the theatre? +That surely would have been sufficient indication of their +disapproval. "I am not beaten yet!" cried Cleo, with frenzy. "The day +will come when these people will fight and trample over one another's +bodies to catch the least glimpse of me. To-day they have rejected me +with scorn, as they have always rejected the greatest. Read the early +careers of the actresses the world now worships! But I am a hundred +times more determined than before. The public shall treasure the dust +my feet have trod on. They shall look back on to-night as a blot on +their lives. My genius shall triumph! My genius shall force them to +submission!" + +However, he induced her to come and have a little supper alone with +him. As they passed out through the stage door the man handed him a +twisted note, which Cleo was too absorbed to notice. A glance sufficed +to enable him to recognize Helen's writing, though it was but hastily +scrawled in lead. The fact that it was addressed to him in his +newly-assumed name was the final confirmation of her knowledge of his +fate. He put it away till he could read it, trying not to wonder at +its contents. + +Meanwhile, he was shutting his eyes as to what was to follow. He knew +very well that even if he opened them he would equally see nothing, +but it gave him some comfort to imagine he was shutting out a view it +were better not to look at. He managed to get Cleo to eat and drink a +little, and when she was calmer she told him the theatre was to open +the next evening just as if they had scored a great success. He knew +better than to make any show of opposition or disapproval just then, +though his heart became still heavier at this announcement of hers. He +mentally vowed, however, he would take care to remain behind the +scenes. He did not venture to ask her whether she intended to repeat +"the innovation" that had done the mischief, because he feared her +pride might force her to defiant assertion that she would most +certainly repeat it; whereas, if no reference were made to it, she +would, in all probability, quietly omit it. + +She ended by a great fit of hysteric weeping that lasted half the +night. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + + + "My poor, dear Morgan," read Lady Thiselton's note. "My heart is + a-bleeding. The moment I saw her appear I understood everything. + Of course, I don't know how you came to meet her, but such a + creature was bound to be fatal to you. Your marriage to her can + only be considered as the veriest mockery. It would be a crime + against Heaven--observe that this crisis has made me + religious--to look upon it seriously at all. Won't you come to + see me, Morgan? You must need a friend and surely I have the + right to be that friend. Why not come to-morrow afternoon; or + when you will, if you will send me a message. H. T." + + "P. S.--I hope she'll see this so that she quarrels with you and + casts you off." + + +He knew he must go to her, but he shrank from doing so as yet, though +he did not try to explain to himself the shrinking. So he sent her a +line saying he would come one afternoon when he felt he had the +courage. After posting the letter he had a great longing to cry. + +He realised the ugliness of the position now, his terrible relation to +this strange, hysteric woman, and the thought kept darting through his +mind like a whizzing shaft of flame: "I am married to her, I am +married to her!" + +To weave poetry out of life! That was simply to attempt what poets and +philosophers and even imaginative men of affairs, seduced by the +apparent novelty of the notion, had attempted before him. At a certain +point of existence, such men find it easy to tell themselves--as if in +unsuspecting answer to some dim foresight of what the experiment might +lead to--that it does not matter much what happens to one in life, so +long as it is a series of interesting happenings; interesting, that +is, to each according to his temperament. But poems woven of reality +are not the same detached products as poems written on paper. They are +an integral part of life, and, as such, related to its great forward +sweep. All the consequences that attach to human action must attach to +the particular weaving, however fantastic and pleasing the immediate +pattern. + +Morgan was now face to face with the consequences of this attitude he +had taken towards existence, though it had been forced on him by his +temperament. And they were consequences that were not goodly to look +upon. + +Cleo had gone early to the theatre to go into the accounts and to show +everybody she was not in the least disconcerted. When he himself +arrived some time later she informed him that last night's takings +were about twenty-five pounds, but she had already paid away the bulk +of it for fresh advertising. She was once more calm and business-like, +despite that their funds were exhausted, and besides various +liabilities there were the salaries and wages to be paid at the end of +the week. As yet, however, nobody about the house had any suspicion of +the emptiness of the treasury. + +The newspapers, he was glad to find, had dealt with Cleo very gently. +The notices were short and cold, just giving an outline of the play, +which, they said, was indifferently acted and practically a failure. +No mention was made of her indiscretion and it was perfectly obvious +from the tone of these notices that the writers had felt she had been +sufficiently punished, and that, for the rest, she was not to be taken +seriously. There came, too, a message from the censor, to whom, +somehow, last night's occurrence had got known, to the effect that the +beginning of the second act must be omitted, else he must forbid the +play to be repeated. From his letter it was clear the censor was +taking the same charitable view as the critics, and that he foresaw +the piece would very soon die a natural death. Cleo shrugged her +shoulders and wrote the necessary undertaking. Morgan understood that +her "innovation" might have got her into serious trouble, had not the +entire hopelessness of her acting proclaimed her as a person to be +pitied. + +That same day Morgan could not help broaching the subject of the +finances. The money side of the enterprise had by now got stamped on +his brain. He had a grasp of the various items of their liabilities, +and he felt the responsibility for them to rest upon him. No longer +might he repose at ease in the secure shade of her mighty presence. +She, however, refused to bow her head under the weight of business +difficulties. + +"We have till the week's end," she said. "There is nothing to worry +about now." + +He did not find this reply reassuring and felt impelled to make out +for himself a list of the debts, including the salaries and wages that +would have to be provided for by the Saturday. The total amount was +about three hundred pounds, the same as the sum already expended. He +carefully put the list away in his pocket-book, with what end he knew +not. + +In the evening the house presented a rather more than half-filled +appearance, a result which had been mainly achieved by paper. At the +box office the takings were only about seven pounds. It was quite +clear that Cleo, whatever gossip she might have caused in professional +circles, had created no profound sensation in the town, so that not +even a _succès de scandale_ was decreed to her. The play itself went +very fairly indeed this second time, though it was acted scarcely a +whit better than the evening before. Cleo perhaps put a trifle more +ornamentation into her part, but the audience showed no critical +tendencies. + +On the third evening the theatre was two-thirds empty, and two pounds +four and sixpence represented the seats actually paid for. On the +fourth evening they played almost to empty benches, the takings +amounting to seventeen shillings and sixpence. This ended the +experiment. + +The fifth day--Friday--was an eventful one, for duns began to arrive +early in the morning. The creditors had suddenly become assailed with +doubts, which were now deepened by the return of their emissaries, who +not only had been unable to obtain access to Cleo, but who had +furtively been warned by the traitorous stage manager "to look sharp +after their money." The _camaraderie_ that had hitherto subsisted +between that gentleman and Cleo had come to an abrupt end, she cutting +him short impatiently in the course of some discussion and bidding him +not to argue. In further token of his annoyance he had worded a +notice she had told him to put up as follows: + +"The curtain will not rise to-night. Treasury to-morrow at mid-day, +if possible." + +The actors and actresses looked very sad, indeed, as their eye +stumbled on the last two words. Cleo, in ignorance that the stage +manager had exceeded her directions, for he had inserted the +"treasury" part of the announcement on his own responsibility, was +invaded by the company in a body. Being pressed by the ladies and +gentlemen for some definite statement about their salaries--for +several of them were in great need, having long been out of an +engagement--she turned on them in towering fury and asked how they +dared insult her by questioning her _bona fides_ in that way. But as +soon as she learned what had dictated their action, she at once sent +for the stage manager and, in presence of all assembled, curtly +ordered him to leave "her theatre" immediately. At first he stood +dumfounded, and, on her repeating her injunction more vehemently, he +began to bluster back at her. A pretty scene ensued, he, with much +Billingsgate, lustily demanding his money, she insisting he must come +for it at the right time and place. In the end, she sent for the +police, and the astonished stage manager found himself forcibly +ejected. She next proceeded to tear down the offensive notice, and +soon afterwards the company departed, leaving Cleo and Morgan in sole +possession. + +"What's going to happen to-morrow?" he could not help saying, when +Cleo had at length finished telling him her estimate of the stage +manager's character. + +"When mid-day comes, the salaries shall be paid without fail," +replied Cleo unhesitatingly. "You just don't trouble your mind," she +added. "Leave me to arrange everything." + +He pressed her for details. But beyond a general assurance, conveyed +with an air of mystery that on the morrow he would find their coffers +quite replete, she would tell him nothing. They went to lunch +together, for there was always some small silver at the bottom of +Cleo's purse, and she then gave him to understand she had business to +transact here and there during the afternoon, and that he must amuse +himself alone as best he could. + +Vaguely supposing that this secret business had reference to the +raising of funds, Morgan separated from her and went back to their +rooms, where, at least, he felt he was hidden away from the world. A +little later he had an idea. He would go and see Helen. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Helen looked wonderfully sweet to-day and an atmosphere of quiet calm +seemed to pervade the room. It seemed to Morgan as if he had entered +into a haven. Helen wore a simple grey gown that went well with her +subdued demeanour. The sanity and soundness that underlay her +occasional frolicsomeness and high spirits became in that moment +accentuated for him; and the almost superstitious feeling he had +experienced at seeing her at the theatre now returned to him, the +feeling that she was possessed of some magic power to redeem him. + +"I have been too shame-faced to come before," he began. "I knew I did +not deserve to see you again." + +"Don't, please," said Helen. "If you make speeches of that kind you +will force me to be flippant, quite against my sense of the fitness of +things at this moment. Not that I want to be too tragic, but my state +of mind is rather a complex one. What's yours?" + +"Mine is a very simple one. I am just conscious of mere existence and +of a heavy weight on my head." + +"I don't like your symptoms, Morgan. If I diagnose correctly, they +mean nascent 'desperation.' Now, so long as I am in the world, you +ought never to develop that disease." + +"But I omitted one important factor of my state of mind," he +confessed; "and that is the knowledge that you _are_ in the world." + +"And does it take your attention off the weight of the load--just a +little?" + +"It is the one pleasant fact I have to dwell upon. But please talk a +little about yourself. It will do me good." + +She, however, had little to tell him. His letter had dealt her a heavy +blow. His silence about the details of his sudden action had made her +the prey of her imagination, which had created frightful +possibilities. Her favourite theory had been--an indiscretion +committed by him in some moment of depression and a remorse that had +resulted in a marriage with some vile person. But she had been +somewhat reassured at seeing him go into the theatre one day in +company with Cleo. That had been a pure accident, of course, but it +had enabled her to divine a good deal. Cleo's appearance--she had +taken particular notice of her face--had at least narrowed that vast +dreadfulness which had till then tortured her. But it was a face that +by no means pleased her. + +"However," continued Helen, "it seems I've been talking about you +instead of about myself. I have been living, I suppose, in the usual +conventional routine. My conduct has been really most exemplary and +the austerest chaperon would have patted me on the head approvingly. +Oh, no, I forget. There's one little matter over which I should have +got lectured and that is my rejection of so eligible a bachelor as Mr. +Ingram, on the mere ground that I couldn't overlook his past life. +Anyhow, he hasn't committed suicide, though I fancy he has done +something worse." + +"You mean he has followed my example?" suggested Morgan. + +"Not anything as bad as that. You know I'm only the daughter of a +country gentleman and the widow of a baronet. Well, he has consoled +himself by marrying the genuine brand of aristocracy, though she's a +_divorçée_. Her income's double mine; her intelligence one-tenth of +mine." + +"She must be a very brilliant woman, indeed." + +"You have developed courtly qualities, I perceive. But I am quite +ready to concede, on re-consideration, that her intellect is only the +hundredth part of mine. You know I am frightfully conceited about my +brains. But now tell me how everything came to happen? Where did you +meet her?" + +He recollected that Ingram was implicated in the recital and could not +be kept out. But he was in a mood when he could no longer keep back +anything. He hungered for every crumb of sympathy he could get, and, +besides, he looked upon things now with such changed eyes that such +reservations relating to his personal life as he had before set up +seemed futile and meaningless. Very soon Helen had learned how his +connection with Ingram had begun and developed, by what strange chance +the letter he had written to him had spun the first thread of the web +in which he was now floundering, and how he had sought to lose himself +in the apparent dreamland before him. Helen's eyes were fixed on him +as her quick brain seized on every point. The narration came to her as +a complete revelation. + +"And if I hadn't insisted on your dining that evening," she cried, +"you would never have got into this purgatory of a dreamland." + +"I think I should have got there all the same," he answered, smiling, +conscious of how much good it was doing him to talk to his dear friend +again. "I must have met Ingram sooner or later and then the same thing +would have happened." + +"Ingram is a blackguard!" said Helen severely. "With all his +thick-headed cleverness, he had yet insight enough to know that you +would be taken with that creature. Probably he knew already how your +letter had impressed her and that she was curious about you. And so he +reckoned to play on your temperament, hoping that might prove an easy +method of ending his connection with her. Why, he must have jumped at +the idea of taking you to her." + +Morgan was rather apologetic on Ingram's behalf, pleading that he must +have yielded to the sudden temptation and was not really such a +Machiavellian fellow. + +"There have been times when, I feel sure, he spoke to me from his +heart. But I do not feel revengeful against him, so let him be dead +and buried, so far as we are concerned." + +"With all my heart," said Helen. "But I confess," she went on +laughingly, "it annoys me to think you saw more of the game than I +that evening. That is a fact that wounds my vanity. And now about this +theatre business. You must be in a terrible plight. Was there ever +such a man as you, Morgan, for getting into scrapes?" + +"When a man is born into the wrong world--" he began. + +"He must be a very interesting sort of person to know," concluded +Helen. + +When Morgan went on to relate the history of the enterprise he +seemed to get a saner adjustment of his mental focus. In the telling +he had sight of the whole business as a lamentable, real piece of his +personal life, even perceiving as he described the stormy incidents of +that morning--more dramatic than anything in "The Basha's +Favourite"--that it had not been without its humorous elements. He +understood quite well, of course, that unless Cleo now found the +requisite money, she would be hopelessly bankrupt. + +"And so she's confident of finding it," observed Helen. + +"I am quite in the dark," said Morgan. + +"Perhaps she intends opening the theatre again." + +"Heaven forbid!" + +"You don't expect she'd take any notice of the prohibition! Now +Morgan, dear, I think you've treated her handsomely and she has cause +to be grateful to you. You offered her the incense of a profound faith +in her genius and a profound admiration of her person. Not content +with that, she needs must have the same incense--compounded of the +same two essentials, observe you--from the world at large. For this +purpose you made her a nice little money present and enabled her to +realise her dreams of a theatre. You gave her the greatest joy of her +life. In return--what has she given you? A few kisses, a pretence of +love, and a heavy burden on your poor head! If the madcap hadn't tied +you to her, the worst criticism to be made would have been that you +could have got the kisses and the rest very much cheaper. But as it +is--well, I think you'd better say good-bye to her." + +Morgan shook his head. "Impossible!" he said. + +"She wouldn't grieve very much," insisted Helen. "She certainly +couldn't go on doing anything for long except thinking of herself. You +may be sure that once she realises your present estimate of her, she +will not wish to keep you longer. She is not wicked--as I am, you +know--she is simply an exaggerated incarnation of the most +unsatisfactory sides of feminine nature. All women have something of +her in them, but the less of her they have the more charming you'll +find them. In the sham, tawdry world of the footlights she feels +something akin to her whole being. It calls to such a woman almost +from her very cradle, and fly to it she must. It is true that, in her +case, this stage-infatuation was a real misfortune, for in some other +walk she might have made a furore. That nude scene, in fact, was +symbolic of the temperament, and, had she taken to writing, would have +come out as an autobiographic novel. There are women who cannot make +themselves interesting to men without the confidence-trick, who cannot +even talk to a man for the first time without laying bare their whole +souls. Should a woman you scarcely know try the trick on you--shun +her. She also is afflicted with the same disease as your Cleo, with +the same rage for displaying her interesting self; though it may find +a more refined--and certainly a more decent--expression. I am giving +you so long a lecture because you sadly need it. I am giving away my +sisters to you, because you must be protected against them. If I had +given you a few such sermons in the past, you would not have had to +undergo the punishment of listening to this one now. Now, having well +lectured you, let us proceed to be practical. I am going to pay the +debts she has incurred and after that she ought to leave you free." + +"No, Helen!" exclaimed Morgan. "You have paid enough already. I feel +utterly contemptible when I think of the use to which I have put your +money." + +"Why will you persist in taking such unphilosophic views? For a poet, +you have a singular grip on the world. To me money is not such a +reality. And if it were, what is it between you and me? If the +position were reversed, Morgan--it may be a shocking admission to +make--I should not hesitate to take money from you, you conventional +Philistine. I thought you were above such petty considerations--to say +nothing of their coarseness." + +"It's unkind of you to overload me with debt and employ specious +arguments to persuade me the load doesn't weigh." + +"How can there be such a thing as a debt between us? I don't really +believe you're going to punish me by not behaving sensibly." + +And so the battle continued, each fighting doggedly. He kept dragging +in the five hundred pounds he had already had, and she insisting that +mustn't count, even if regarded from a strict business point of view. +For she claimed that he had caused her unspeakable torture of late, at +least as great as that of a lady plaintiff in a breach of promise +case, and she was, therefore, entitled to damages. The pleasure he +would give her by his agreeing to the cancelling of the old debt would +only be fair compensation. Then, since this old debt had been wiped +out, there was no reason why she should not help now. + +He ended by compromising on both points. The repayment of the five +hundred pounds was to be deferred indefinitely, the debt itself being +absolutely cancelled in the meanwhile, but it was to revive if he +should ever have the means to satisfy it. And also Helen was to be +allowed to pay the theatrical liabilities, provided Cleo agreed to her +doing so, though her identity was not to be divulged. + +"And now that we have at last come to an understanding, I think we +deserve some tea after our exertions," she declared, rising to ring +for it. "Practically I have gained my points, though not verbally. I +have profound faith in woman's dogged persistence. It can achieve +anything--even win your love, Morgan. Let me see. How far had we got? +You were to kiss me on the forehead once each time? And this stage has +four months to run before any advance can be made." + +Her reference to her love for him chilled him. Somehow he now believed +in it as real, though he had always taken it as a toying pretence. He +had come to her to-day as to a comrade--to feel himself in shelter for +a little while, and for the luxury of opening his heart to her. And +now there came upon him a great sense of guilt towards Helen, perhaps +accentuated at that moment when his consciousness of her worth had +arrived at its fullest and had endeared her to him more than ever +before. He was filled with remorse as he remembered he had taken +pleasure in keeping from her the knowledge of Margaret's very +existence, when Margaret was for him all that Helen aspired to be. + +His habit of keeping the various threads of his life distinct had led +him to omit the consideration of what might be involved in their +subtle relation, for they were all necessarily related since they were +merged in the wholeness of his life; and it seemed to him now, all +a-thrill as he was with Helen's sympathy, he had behaved abominably in +not telling her that his spirit vibrated only for Margaret, that the +thought of Margaret brought him all the magic emotion that floats and +palpitates, like some wondrous sweet perfume, and that the elect who +love true alone may know. + +He had already told her to-day much of what he had hidden from her. +Let him complete the confession and reveal even what was most sacred +to him. Even now he was conscious of certain instincts that made for +reservation, but he fought against them. + +"Helen," he called, "I wonder whether you would care to listen to the +sentimental chapters." + +She had been watching his face whilst he had hesitated and she now +grew white. + +"You know we used to talk quite a deal about those sentimental +chapters," he went on. "There was a sweet little girl, too, whose +existence you suspected." + +"I remember," said Helen faintly. "We did talk about those chapters, +but you would never let me get a glimpse of what was inside them. And +then I could never really learn whether they were real or imaginary. +As a woman of the world, I believed there must be such chapters in the +biography of a young man who had lived twenty-eight whole years; as a +woman in love with the young man of twenty-eight, I longed to +disbelieve in them. Which shows that the real nature of the individual +is finer than life is. Life would make us all cynics if the noble in +some of us did not find truth too plebeian a fellow to keep company +with. I have long since suspected that truth is not that beautiful +nude young person one sees rising out of wells at Academy Exhibitions. +Illusion, at any rate, is every whit as real a factor of the universe, +and it is far more agreeable to live with. So, naturally, Morgan, I +chose it to live with, hoping, of course, it was not illusion. +However, there _was_ a sweet, little girl?" + +"Your inference from my poem was perfectly correct." + +"Farewell, my fine dreams," said Helen, in mock-heroic declamation, +which did not blind him to the pain beneath. "But you'll introduce me +to her, won't you?" + +"It's the sweet little girl's sister," he corrected; "but I can't +introduce you to her, because I shall never see her again." + +"You _shall_ see her again," said Helen. "Don't be such a faint +heart." + +"Even if I were free, I am not fit even to look at her." + +"The sooner you get a more appreciative conception of yourself, the +better." + +"Truth has too great a hold over me for that." + +"How fine it must be to be loved by you," half-mused Helen. "With you +it is first love and everlasting." + +"Yes, it is everlasting. It is a quality of my fibre, divinely inwoven +like mind in matter. It is something immortal, so that even if +Margaret change and forget me wholly, she can never take away the +living fragrance that came to me in the first times. I have loved her +and shall love her always." + +"What nice things you say. If they could only have been inspired by +me! But all that is over now. So her name's Margaret. I am sure she +will never change, nor even begin to forget you, Morgan. But won't you +begin to read those chapters now? I do so want to hear them." + +He placed them before her unreservedly and she at length had his life +complete. But when he had finished he was alarmed at her pallor. + +"You are not well, Helen," he cried impulsively. + +"'Tis nothing. I shall be all right in a moment." She drew her breath +heavily. "It feels like pins and needles," she added. "I want to get +the transition over now, though it is rather an abrupt one." + +"The transition!" he repeated, only half-comprehending. + +"Yes. It is attended with queer sensations. Pins and needles, +thousands of them--and something feels tight. But I shall emerge all +the better for it. So far I have only loved you; henceforth I want to +love you and Margaret as well." + +"How I have made you suffer!" he murmured brokenly. His hand sought +hers. "My good angel!" + +She drew her hand back. + +"No--not angel, but only a simple prophet; and as a prophet I tell you +you were born to be happy." + +He shook his head, bethinking himself he must go back to his Cleo. + +"Now I hope you won't make me miserable again," said Helen, as he rose +to go, "by leaving me in the dark about you. And mind you let me know +at once if you have need of me to-morrow. A special messenger will be +sure to find me, as I shall not be leaving the house till four +o'clock. Keep a stout heart and let the light of hope vanquish the +vapours and fogs. Above all, bear my prophecy in mind." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +When Morgan got back to their lodgings he had the sensation of +entering the atmosphere of a charnel house. Cleo had not come home +yet, and he had leisure to ponder on Helen's attitude towards him and +her bearing when she had learned all. Of course, he told himself, he +must not take any notice of her wild suggestion that he and Cleo must +part and that their marriage didn't count; nor did he permit himself +to be allured by her optimistic pre-perception of the future. Noble +heart that she was, she had been striving to lessen his pain. He felt +he understood what had prompted her every word. And the readiness with +which she had bowed her head in acceptance of the emotional position +as soon as she knew about Margaret compelled his admiration. Not a +word of rebellion, but only a quick gasp of breath; and then he was +conscious he had won a sturdy ally. + +Ally! When there was to be no battle, was not the word an empty one? +Yet no; surely it was a blessed thing to know of a ready and willing +heart, even if its services could not avail one! That which signified +naught in practical light signified much humanly. + +He was awake now, could see the exact bearings of things, and he felt +a desperate courage to stand his ground. All his sense of suffering, +of the shipwreck he had made, and of what he might have to face in the +next few days, had become fused into one large poignant emotion. It +was an extra poignancy to be aware that Helen would continue to suffer +because of his determination to face the consequences. But he was +married to Cleo, and, unless she expressly left him, he must stand by +her. + +Cleo returned about half-past five and ordered some tea. She said she +was just a little tired, but her face was jubilant as she handed him +two weekly papers that had appeared that day containing laudatory +notices of "The Basha's Favourite," In spite of her attempting to +appear calm, he could see she was very much excited about them, and +when he had read the strings of unblushing falsehood and handed them +back to her in silence, she lovingly let her eye run over them again. +Over the tea, she grew eloquent once more, especially drawing his +attention to the truth of particular phrases and to the admirable +insight and appreciation of the writers. But she volunteered no +information about the business which had occupied her afternoon. +Morgan was somewhat puzzled. He was still inclined to hold to his +belief that she had gone on some harum-scarum chase after money, but +as she did not manifest the least sign of disappointment or dejection, +it was hard to think that her pockets were as empty as before. He +refrained from questioning her, however, for in a grim way he had +begun to derive entertainment from watching her, and he, therefore, +did not wish to interfere with her. He preferred to wait and see what +coup it was she was now preparing. + +After tea, Cleo suggested it would be a good idea if she had her +effects removed from the theatre. Her costumes, in particular, she was +eager to have safe at home. So Morgan accompanied her to the theatre. +She had already packed everything in a large trunk, which she now had +carried down. But in the corridor the two commissionaires attached to +the house sternly blocked the way. They were very sorry, but the +lessees' orders were that nothing was to be allowed to pass out, +having regard to the amount still due under the contract for the +theatre. + +Cleo passionately ordered them to stand aside. The men insisted that +though the obligation of paying their wages rested on her, they were +still the lessees' servants, and had to obey their orders. Morgan +argued with them quietly, but found them obdurate. He did not know if +this action of the lessees was legal or not, but anyhow money was +owing to them and there seemed to be a show of justice on their side. +He took Cleo aside and besought her to let the matter rest for the +moment, pointing out that, as the men were so determined, there was +nothing else to be done, short of a physical set-to. "Besides," he +added, "if you are quite confident of settling everything to-morrow, +the trunk may just as well stay here over night." + +To this Cleo ultimately agreed, won over by Morgan's last argument. +But none the less did she give loud expression to all that was in her +mind anent the lessees and the commissionaires. She went home again +with Morgan in the worst of humours at having been thus baffled. But +later in the evening she attired herself gaily and carried him off to +a little restaurant supper party, given by a gentleman he had met +before, but about whose occupation he possessed no information, though +he had gathered that the theatre was his chief interest. There was one +other lady, plentifully powdered, and two other men of the party, but +the host was the most garrulous of all, pouring out the most fulsome +flattery of Cleo's acting and assuring her the critics hadn't treated +her fairly and that all artistic aspiration was wasted on the British +public. The same ground was traversed again and again, the bulk of the +conversation centering round Cleo. + +To Morgan it seemed that Cleo had made an enormous number of +acquaintances in the few weeks that had elapsed since their marriage, +and with many of them she appeared to be on terms of easy +_camaraderie_. Every day during the week scores of visitors had +dropped in to see her and to chat familiarly--all sorts of strange men +and women that seemed to flock round her, anomalous citizens of +Bohemia, vague hangers-on of the theatrical cosmos; all that strange +melange of the happy-go-lucky, the eccentric, the ill-balanced, the +blackguardly, the unprincipled, the hapless, the shiftless, the +unclassed, the sensual and the besotted that shoulder and hustle one +another in the world of the theatre; all the riff-raff recruited from +the greater world without by the fascinating glare of the footlights. + +The supper was a gay one, and Cleo, drawing new life from the stream +of adulation, strolled home on Morgan's arm, overflowing with the +wonder of her own personality, was it in regard to her genius as an +actress, or was it in regard to the magnetism of her beauty. Her step +seemed to have recovered all its old springiness; her defeat was as if +it had not been. She was very optimistic about her career and again +spoke of Morgan one day writing the play of her life. That would be, +of course, after they had travelled in Egypt and the East. He was +sufficiently taken off his guard by her demeanour to begin to think it +was impossible she should not have some mysterious financial resource +to fall back upon for the morrow. + +"We shall not want to be very long at the theatre," were her last +words to him that night. "Let us try and get there by ten. I shall pay +the salaries at twelve o'clock and we can leave the house soon +after." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +Morgan's attitude in the morning was one of interested expectancy. +Cleo was as full of vitality as ever. Perhaps it was that, as she +entered the theatre, the sight of her trunk, waiting in the corridor +for redemption, stimulated her masterfulness afresh, for she found +pretext for asserting her authority over everybody on the premises. Up +to the last moment she revelled in the enjoyment of all the powers and +privileges that one acquires over other human beings by engaging to +pay them a wage. + +As the time went by and Morgan saw no sign of the appearance of the +requisite cash, he ventured at last to broach the subject to her, and +she replied firmly and clearly: + +"At twelve o'clock the salaries shall be paid." + +But at the time specified, Cleo, who was sitting with him in her +private room, hid her face in her hands and began to sob hysterically. +Then he was able to elicit the truth. She had passed the last +afternoon interviewing moneylenders, but they had all laughed in her +face--which had simply called forth her contempt for them. As a matter +of fact, she had been expecting a miracle to happen! + +A conviction had come to her that, when the moment for making payment +arrived, she would have the necessary money. How or whence it was to +come she had not considered; her belief was simply a blind one. +Though she had not found it waiting for her on her arrival at the +theatre, her faith that the powers that worked the universe could not +possibly allow her to undergo the great humiliation of being a +defaulter towards those she had employed, was still unshaken. In her +the sense of the Ego was so great that, if rightly interpreted, her +feeling about the world would have been found to be that it was +created specially for her and carefully shaped and subordinated to +suit the needs of her existence. She could not understand her being so +utterly beaten as she really was. Her half-crazy, superstitious notion +could only have been combatted by its non-realisation. At her +hesitating confession that she had been expecting the money to come +somehow, Morgan had at once grasped the whole working of her mind, for +he understood now what manner of woman it was that he had made his +wife. + +He knew that the company and employés were assembled, expecting to be +called momentarily. + +"Cleo," he said, "I have had the offer of enough money to pay all that +is owing. You must decide whether I am to avail myself of it. If you +say 'yes,' it shall be here within an hour." + +But she scarcely heeded, for in that moment she rose as if following +up some train of thought, and pulled out every drawer of the bureau, +looking carefully into each as though in search of something. When at +last the perception was forced on her that the miracle had still not +happened, she sat down again with a sigh. + +He repeated his statement and she wanted to know from whom the offer +came. + +"A friend," he answered. + +"It is some woman who loves you," she flashed at him. + +He could not repress a start. + +"It is! It is!" she exclaimed excitedly, her eyes ablaze. "Do not +attempt to deny it; I can read it in your face. Ah, I understand now; +it is the same friend who helped you before. And you led me to believe +it was a man." + +"I made no mention of the sex." + +"But you knew I was deceived all the same. How dared you conceal from +me that you had had the money from a woman you had loved? Did I not +return Mr. Ingram all he had given me, because I felt it would be a +desecration to use a penny of it? And I thought you were fine, Morgan, +I thought you were fine." + +Scorn rang in her tones, but he did not answer, because he wished to +avoid a scene. It were better, he thought, to let the storm exhaust +itself. The unassuming introduction of the "woman you had loved," in +place of the reverse, did not, however, escape him. + +"Had I suspected the truth," she went on, admirably dramatic now that +she was not on the stage, "I should rather have taken some deadly +poison than have touched this filthy money of hers. Did you take me +for some vile creature? I shall pay back every farthing. Oh, to throw +it all in her face! No, no! this is my affair. How dare you suggest +that I, your wife, should accept more of her money! As if I could fall +so low! These debts are mine. You are not to interfere." + +He could only bow to her will. In the first moment of disillusion he +had not been without a certain apprehension that she might wish to +take advantage of the fact that he belonged to a wealthy family. But +he saw now the thought had done her an injustice. Creature of rich, +luscious sentiment, of gorgeous emotions, she scorned to be untrue to +the equatorial magnificence of her nature. Nor had she yet finished +expressing her resentment. All the untamable tiger in her had been +roused, all the fiery, indomitable pride that was as essentially a +part of her as her fixed conception of her genius. She was not to be +browbeaten by adverse fortune into whining and accepting charity from +her husband's mistresses--she had slipped into using the plural now. +She turned at bay against the whole situation. Let these people go +unpaid for the present--she would pay them when she could. She wanted +to go out at once and make a speech to them, but Morgan, fearful of +some great uproar, managed to prevail on her to let him make the +announcement that money engagements could not be kept. + +Very much to his astonishment, everybody took the news quietly enough. +"Is there no chance of getting anything?" he was asked, and sad indeed +were all faces when he assured them every penny had been lost, and +that, though his wife had been confident of raising some more +money--he mentioned this possibly with the idea of softening the +bitterness against Cleo--her hope had been quite disappointed. Morgan +himself almost trembled with emotion, for he knew how eagerly some of +them had sought the engagement. Three weeks of rehearsal and a week of +acting under most trying and disheartening circumstances, and then to +receive nothing! And all that time they had submitted to be bullied +and blustered at. If the whole affair had not been so piteous it +would have seemed grotesque. + +The stage manager, arriving just then, was less tractable, and Morgan +feared his vehemence would excite the others. + +"And she had the----impudence to chuck me out of her----theatre," he +screamed; "and now I can't get a----penny out of her!" + +He announced his intention of breaking her head forthwith, and +threatened "to do for" Morgan, who barred his way. + +Cleo left the theatre a little later, followed by abuse from the stage +manager, who was forcibly held back by some of the company. She looked +longingly at the trunk in the hall, but had apparently resigned +herself to the loss of her costumes, for she passed by in silence. + +In the afternoon, Morgan was astonished at being served at their rooms +with a writ, which concerned both him and Cleo, and which had been +taken out on behalf of one of the creditors. Though Cleo had run the +theatre on her own responsibility only, it had been thought possible +that he might possess resources, with the result that he had been made +co-defendant. + +Cleo seized the paper and calmly tore it up. + +Then followed a long consultation, Cleo manifesting some signs of +depression at the sum total of the results of her efforts, beside +which her unshaken belief in the future contrasted curiously. +Everything had been against her. She had had a bad company and a +stupid first-night audience, and had from the first been crippled by +want of money. She recapitulated all her disadvantages, dwelling on +each and making the most of it. But this was only by way of beginning +a long wail of lament. The undisguised coldness of his demeanour +towards her ever since the night of her début had wounded her deeply, +though she had been too proud to say anything. Her indictment against +him was bitter and severe. The discontinuance of his slavish +admiration for her and of his blind belief in her genius was in her +eyes an unpardonable sin. As soon as the public had turned against +her, she averred, he sheep-like, had followed their example. And he +was the one human being in the whole world whom she had trusted and +believed in, the one she would have looked to for sympathy and +comfort. She had shown her trust in him by marrying him--a privilege +she would not lightly have accorded to another--and he should have +stood by her in her misfortunes. Why, so-and-so had told her her +acting had never been surpassed on the English stage; and he had seen +every piece played in London during the last thirty years. She +repeated the flattery and fawning that had been bestowed upon her by +the men who had been fluttering around her, accepting all as the +natural outpour of their sincerity; she quoted with unction the lying +notices she had shown him the day before. + +Morgan knew better than to expect her to have one thought of sympathy +for him, to utter one word of sorrow for the plight into which her +stage-madness had brought him. She seemed to think that his dominating +sentiment should be, throughout all and despite all, one of gratitude +to her for having married him. In proof of which she now mentioned +that she had won the admiration of millionaires, of foreign counts by +the score, of Indian princes and Eastern potentates, all of whom had +written her letters of sympathy at her shameful treatment by the +public, had declared their love for her, and had offered to place +their whole fortunes at her disposal. She had indignantly destroyed +these letters without showing them to him, and would not have thought +of claiming any credit for this had he not forced her to do so by his +brutality towards her. The Indian prince, in particular, had proved +persistent, and even now it was open to her to become mistress of a +gorgeous palace and a regiment of servants. + +By way of contrasting the fineness of her own conduct with the +coarseness of his, she did her best to exasperate him about Helen, +applying terrible epithets to her and vowing, in a burst of tiger-like +tragedy, she would destroy the beauty of this woman he had loved with +vitriol, should their paths ever cross. In addition to Helen, there +were general allusions to his mistresses, for Cleo, having begun by +converting singular into plural, now retained both singular and +plural. Lastly, quieting down somewhat amid a flood of tears, she +claimed that Ingram would not have acted in so dastardly a +fashion--he, at least, had always valued her at her true worth. It was +his misfortune, not his fault, that his money affairs had not turned +out well and that he had been unable to build for her the promised +theatre. It was his very sense of the dignity of her genius that made +him object to giving her a less impressive début. Ingram, too, had had +no thought but for her, and he had been undoubtedly heartbroken at her +leaving him. + +And when, in the end, he prevailed upon her to say what she purposed +doing, she informed him that to mark her sense of the degradation that +would be involved in the acceptance of the aid offered by her rival, +she had preferred to borrow five pounds of her maid, who was at least +an old and faithful servant--she had taken her with her from +Hampstead--and who stood by her loyally. Out of these five pounds she +intended to pay the landlady's bill for the week, and the balance +would bring them within the shelter of her parents' home. + +Whatever feeling of humiliation Morgan might have had at the +confession of this loan was all but lost in his surprise at her sudden +mention of parents. He had never thought of her at all in relation to +parents or in relation to other human beings whose blood flowed in her +veins. She had pre-eminently struck him as a figure to be taken as +"detached"; his feeling about her, though he had never precisely +formulated it, was that she had not come into existence as other +people, but that, in her case, there had been a special act of +creation. Her parents had got impasted into the vagueness of that +background, out of which she had come floating into his life. + +The position, however, was a difficult one for him. He could scarcely +chide her for borrowing, grotesque as the borrowing was. The maid, he +learnt, was leaving her that same afternoon and was to be married +soon. What helped him to decide was the great curiosity that had come +upon him to make the acquaintance of the people who had given her to +the world. Something of his old attitude came back to him. The desire +to see what strange thing was to follow next stirred in him again. But +this time a greater bitterness was mixed with it, a better grip on the +wholeness of life, an active consciousness that, though he might now +derive a grim sort of enjoyment from watching the unfolding of +circumstance, the experience would be nevertheless real, would +represent so much of his personal life. No longer would it be a mere +desperate submission to idle drifting amid the scenes of a dreamland; +though the same temperament as before was at the back of his decision. +Of course, his general determination to face the full responsibility +of his relation to Cleo likewise counted for a good deal in his +assenting to accompany her on this visit she purposed to her parents. + +He questioned her about her family, and she told him that her father +was a printer at Dover; that her mother was simply her mother; that +she had a brother and two sisters, all unmarried, all living at home. +She was barely eighteen when she had left Dover, but she had ceased +communicating with her family as soon as she had made Ingram's +acquaintance. However, in anticipation of a great success, she had +written to them again a few weeks back, informing them of her marriage +and of the theatre of her own which she was to have immediately. Her +father, in reply, had written her a cordial letter, and had, in fact, +suggested she should bring her husband to see them if she should ever +find a suitable opportunity. They would therefore be likely to meet +with a warm welcome, and they could stay at Dover till her plans were +mature, which would be very shortly. What these plans were likely to +be he could not elicit, though he gathered some vague millionaire was +connected with them, and that they would enable her to clear off all +the debts almost immediately. But since, at the moment, they were +entirely without resources, it would be useless, she pointed out, for +them to take any notice of the writ that had been served. Creditors +would obviously be putting themselves to vain expense in suing them +now, and it was therefore best for them to go for a little while where +at least they would be free from being worried. + +During the evening Morgan managed to find an opportunity of writing to +Helen a brief account of the day, saying he would look for her answer +at the Dover post-office. + +And he and Cleo left London by an early train in the morning. + + +END OF BOOK III. + + + + +BOOK IV. + + +CHAPTER I. + + +The son and daughters of the Kettering family were out taking the air, +as the Sunday morning was a fine one, and Morgan sat talking with his +father-in-law in a front room, that was depressing with horse-hair +upholstery and wax fruit under glass shades and a series of prints +representing certain emotional moments in the life of a young +blue-jacket. Cleo was in some distant region of the house with her +mother, who had beamed on Morgan with a most unaccountable +friendliness. + +Mr. Simon Kettering himself was a mild-featured little man, whose +Sunday broad-cloth was but a thin disguise of the fact that all the +week he worked amid his journeymen in apron and shirt-sleeves. He wore +spectacles with light steel frames that seemed to cut deep into his +flesh; his hair was fast greying and his face was much lined, which, +however, interfered little with the benevolence of his expression. His +hands were large and coarse-grained and of a tint that no longer +yields to ablutions. + +On their arrival, about a quarter of an hour previously, Cleo had left +Morgan in the hall and had gone up to see her parents, returning for +him some five minutes later and introducing him to them in the room in +which he now sat. As he was not present at the actual meeting of Cleo +and the old people, he now asked Mr. Kettering if the sudden +appearance of his daughter after all these years hadn't startled him. + +"Me!" exclaimed his father-in-law. "Why, not a bit! When she was only +that big, I soon found out it wasn't any use taking notice of her +goings and comings. The missus has been worrying about her a good +deal. But I always said to her: 'Selina's a girl who can take care of +herself, and sure enough she'll turn up all right one of these fine +days.' It was very wrong of her, though, not to let us have a line +from her for nigh on six years. But I fancy she was always a bit +ashamed of us. Her notions were always so grand, and plain, +hard-working people weren't good enough for her. I'm very sorry indeed +that things have turned out so disastrously. My Selina, to tell the +truth, is a queer creature, sir, and, if I may take the liberty of +saying so, I think you were a fool to marry her." + +Cleo, at her first interview with her parents, had made a clean breast +of the fact that her theatre had been a failure and that they had lost +all their money, though she did not omit to mention she was conducting +negotiations which would soon put them on their feet again. Morgan +smiled at Mr. Kettering's bluntness, and he somehow divined that there +was a shrewd pair of eyes behind those spectacles that took in far +more than they appeared to do. + +"I'm hanged if _I'd_ ever have married her," pursued the +master-printer, "and that's telling you the plain truth, sir. You see +what she has done for you already. Why did you give her all that +money? You should have let her go on acting and drawing a regular +salary, instead of risking all that capital in that monstrously +foolish way. You'll excuse my freedom, I know, sir." + +From which Morgan deduced that Cleo's version of the whole affair had +not been entirely coloured by truth. From the way Mr. Kettering +dropped his voice and looked reverential as he mentioned "all that +money," it was quite clear Cleo's imagination had magnified the loss +to accord with her sense of the fitness of things. A great loss of +money was the next glorious thing to a great success. + +Mr. Kettering proceeded to lay it down as a general maxim that there +was nothing in life like drawing a regular salary. Ever since he had +been a master-printer on his own account, he had been regretting the +fact. A workman knew exactly how much he had to spend and how to spend +it. But in these days when competition was so severe and trade so +uncertain, the master had much to be thankful for if he could pay his +way at all. Not that he himself was not perfectly able to earn a +living at all times, he added in some haste, as if to reassure his +son-in-law; and certainly his daughter and her husband were quite +welcome to be his guests as long as they chose to stay under his roof. + +Morgan felt drawn towards the old man, though he perceived that Simon +Kettering's soul could not take wing out of the atmosphere of his +workshop, and that whosoever wished to commune with him must descend +into it. But it was from this very atmosphere that Cleo had +emerged--Cleo, with her vitriolic notions and her pretentious scents! +This, then, was that mystic past against which her figure had stood +out! + +Cleo and her mother returned a few minutes later, interrupting Mr. +Kettering's account of the many vexations that preyed on him--his +troubles with his men, the heavy expense of constantly renewing the +composition on his machine rollers, the idleness and wantonness of +the apprentice, the perpetual ordering of "sorts" from the +type-founder, the inconsiderateness of customers who kept his type +locked up, and the carelessness of everybody but himself in the +handling of his material. + +"We've been getting along capitally, Mr. Druce and I," he broke off to +explain to the two women. "It's well on towards dinner-time, and the +children ought to be coming in soon." + +Cleo seemed relieved to find that Morgan hadn't been bored. Her +mother, in whose strange, deep-cut features was suggested something of +the spirit of Cleo's face, was a brisk-looking, homely matron of +fifty. + +"So Cleo is really married!" she repeated for the tenth time, her face +aglow with satisfaction. And her eyes rested wonderingly on Morgan +till he almost fancied he could hear her mental exclamation: "A real +live husband!" + +Soon the other members of the family arrived, Mary and Alice and their +brother Mark, a young man of thirty, who looked hard-working and +reticent, and had large moustachios. They stopped almost on the +threshold as they perceived there were strangers in the parlour, then +they recognised their long-lost sister; but, embarrassed by the +presence of the strange gentleman, as well as by the startling fact of +her presence, they stood hesitant and rather shame-faced. Cleo smiled +at them encouragingly, whereupon her sisters came tripping over and +smothered her with kisses. Their expressions of love were so loud and +so flowery that Morgan began to recognise the family blood. When, a +moment later, he was introduced to them as Cleo's husband, their faces +became of a fiery red, as though there were something discreditable +in the fact of matrimony, and they exhibited a stiff shyness that was +almost stupid. The introduction completed, they stood looking at him, +giggling and giggling. But Mark now came forward with outstretched +hand, saying quietly: "I am glad to know you, sir." + +"Let us go in to dinner, children," said Mr. Kettering. + +They dined in the back room on the same floor, for the ground floor +and the basement were devoted to the trade. It was a long, narrow +room, lighted by one window at the end, and almost filled by the +table. Morgan found himself between Alice and Mark, whilst Mary sat +opposite him. Both the girls were young, Mary about twenty, whilst +Alice did not seem more than seventeen. In appearance they struck him +as inferior imitations of their sister. They were much shorter and far +less well-proportioned than Cleo, their red hair was coarser than +hers, and their features were duller. Their voices, too, were +reminiscent of hers. Altogether, though it was abundantly evident that +they were Cleo's sisters, they were perfectly unarrestive. Nature had +made a success of Cleo, but had egregiously failed to repeat the +performance. + +The one servant of the house waited at table, prim, sedate, formal. A +corresponding air of restraint seemed to prevail during the whole +meal. It was not till afterwards that he realised that they were +somewhat in awe of him as being obviously a "fine gentleman," and that +they were feeling they had to live up to him. Cleo showed no +inclination to speak, and the other women would not venture to begin. +Mr. Kettering, on whom lay the onus of entertaining, at length strove +to face his responsibilities, and, addressing himself to Morgan, +discussed the comparative fineness of the weather at London and Dover. +Morgan, in return, asked questions about the town and the harbour and +the boats, managing to keep up some sort of a conversation with him. +Eventually the situation began to depress him, so terribly stiff were +they all in their attempt to be genteel. Besides, his appetite was of +the poorest, though he was somewhat astonished to find the fare so +plentiful. Mrs. Kettering kept pressing him to eat more and more, and +apparently found it hard to understand that his refusals were final. +"Are you sure?" she asked him each time; and once she plucked up +courage to assure him he must not stand on ceremony with them, and +that he need not hesitate to eat his fill. Morgan thought it +extraordinary she should so persistently refuse to believe in the +sincerity of his small consumption of food, but, attributing her +solicitude to sheer good-nature, he was sorry to cause her such +evident dissatisfaction. + +He was glad when the meal was over, for he was beginning to feel +stifled. The family did not disperse, coffee now being served, of so +curious a flavour that Morgan could not get further than the first +sip. + +"Don't you like coffee, sir?" asked Mrs. Kettering. + +He began to feel a little bit persecuted. He did not hesitate to reply +in the negative, since the question was put from Mrs. Kettering's +point of view and the answer had only to apply to her conception of +the beverage. + +At length Cleo said she was going to take him for a stroll, and he +willingly fell in with the idea. But they did not go far, taking +possession of a seat as soon as they arrived on the sea-front. They +seemed to have nothing to say to each other. Cleo appeared lost in +thought, and he, after gazing idly at the few promenaders and the +children playing on the shingle and at the white cliffs of France +gleaming across the straits, relapsed into a half reverie. He had +somewhat of a sense of physical relief at being able to breathe here +at his ease; of temporary respite and security from being hunted by +creditors. But he was intensely miserable all the same, the one +immediate gleam of light being the hope of a letter from Helen. + +As yet the Kettering family was a new experience to him, and though +the stiff gentility and aggressive hospitality so far exhibited had +made him somewhat uncomfortable, his judgment of these people was +favourable enough. Still, he was possessed of the idea that he was not +going to stay in that house more than a few days. Not that he had the +least conception of what else he was going to do, but events had been +following each other in such quick succession that he could not +believe in a cessation of them. The last two days, in particular, had +seemed very crowded. Yesterday all those dramatic events in the +theatre--though not on its stage; to-day their departure from London +and their incursion into the reality of that poetic nebulousness from +which Cleo had originally emerged. + +He was glad that Kettering had not addressed to him any personal +questions, for he wished to tell neither truth nor falsehood about +himself. The anticipation of the topic arising was not an agreeable +one, and it was likewise unpleasant to dwell upon the possibility of +embarrassment arising from Cleo's habit of embellishment. He wondered +what her schemes were, though he could not take them seriously. And +this train of thought ultimately brought back to him the fear that +perhaps after all pressure might be brought to bear on him to make him +avail himself of his father's purse. The thought of his father gave +him now--as it had given him throughout all this time of trial--an +uncontrollable emotion, but he would not let his mind speculate about +the grief and attitude of his family, forcibly interposing a veil +between himself and them. Tired out at length, he let his reverie +merge into mere uncritical perception. He was conscious of afternoon +sunshine, of a great stretch of sky, with a continent of white cloud +containing big blue lakes; his eye took in the expanse of sea, +glistening, streaked, patched, lined, and shaded, with the pier in his +centre of vision, a mass of kiosks, pole-lamps, and conventional +iron-work. And in the foreground parasols dotted here and there made +spots of black, brown, green, and red against the yellowish shingle. + +Commonplace as the scene was, he found it restful to dwell upon in a +lazy fashion. He forgot for a while that Cleo was by his side, and +when he awoke again to the consciousness of her presence he found she +had been engaged in reading again the two favourable notices of her +performance, which she had carefully carried about with her. + +Soon Alice and Mary appeared, and all four went home together. Tea was +laid in the same room, the table being set out as for a heavy meal. + +"Did you enjoy your walk, sir?" asked Mr. Kettering, while the trim +servant, waiting at table with the same solemn gravity as before, put +before him a huge cup of very strong tea, of which no milk or sugar +could alleviate the astringency. He now found he was expected to eat +large quantities of boiled fish, plum-cake and sweets; and Mrs. +Kettering, perceiving that he didn't do justice to the fare, +enumerated to him other things that were in the larder, with the +suggestion that he might perhaps prefer a choice of them. Some of the +stiffness that had characterised the former meal had vanished--Morgan +could see now that had been due to shyness at his presence--and, +though Mark still showed little willingness to converse, the girls +were evidently beginning to find themselves again, occasional +gigglings heralding their return to normality. But the concentration +of the united attention of the family for Morgan's benefit was +somewhat disconcerting. The girls vied with each other in pressing +plum-cake upon him, and seemed to view his refusal as a personal +rebuff. He did not understand just then that each considered a bit of +her own niceness went into the cake when held towards him with her own +hand, and that it was this niceness he was rejecting. As for the cake, +they took it for granted that there could be no difficulty about +disposing of that. Before the end, Morgan got the sensation of having +the food rammed down his throat with a pole. + +They tried to flirt with him, too, but here again he unconsciously +annoyed them by his unresponsiveness. In fact, being entirely +unacquainted with the game as they were in the habit of playing it, he +set down the strange attempts of Cleo's sisters to provoke him to +banter as rather silly. He did not know that they had thrown off their +first unquestioning acceptance of his impressiveness and were now +subjecting him to sharp criticism. They had their own notion--and a +very definite one it was--of what a perfect gentleman should be, and +they were not disposed lightly to accept a substitute. What, however, +struck him particularly was their unbounded affection for their father +and mother, for Cleo and Mark, and last, though not least, for each +other. + +During the evening Mary grew so bold as to offer to show him the +harbour by night, and he welcomed the suggestion as likely to afford +him a little quiet distraction. He had sat amid the family for several +hours, and it had not occurred to anybody he might like to be just +alone. The day had seemed interminable, and as they had been behaving +more freely among themselves, once the restraint had worn off, he had +begun to get a somewhat revised perception of them. Their peculiar +atmosphere was beginning to enter into his being, and his vision of +them, therefore, to lose its first impersonality. + +Though the sky was clear, there was no moon that evening, which +elicited the remark from Mary that it was a pity. Morgan presumed that +moonlight made the harbour look much more poetic, whereupon Mary +admitted that she wasn't thinking of the harbour, but of the fact that +it made walking with a girl much more poetic. She wanted him to say +that walking with her was so heavenly, absence of moonlight +notwithstanding, that he couldn't possibly imagine any improvement. +But he didn't say it. He only just gave the faintest indication of a +laugh. + +When he happened to admire the far-stretching, soft shadow of the sea, +with its gentle, irregular line of white where it met the shore, she +asked him if he wouldn't like to be rowing just then with a girl on a +lovely lake. She wanted him to say--yes, if the girl were she. But he +did not say it, and he had no idea that she was getting angry. + +They walked on a little in silence, passing a girl talking to a man +under the full light of a lamp. Mary remarked that the girl was +exquisitely pretty. She wanted him to say that she herself was a +thousandfold prettier. But he did not say it; and she led him off the +front rather sulkily, taking him over a drawbridge and on to the quay +that bisected the harbour. They strolled about amid the piles of +timber and along more quays and drawbridges, now and again +encountering other promenaders in the soft darkness. For awhile Morgan +found the stillness delicious, almost forgetting the existence of his +companion. But very soon she recommenced her tactics, making +statements that credited him--by implication--with flirtations galore, +and hinting at vast experience on her own part and lovers by the +score. Certainly she laid pitfalls by the score, but she was so +invariably unsuccessful that she could not help at last giving +expression to her vexation. + +"You're the first man I've ever known," she said frankly, "who didn't +think me beautiful." + +He recognised he had got a whiff of his Cleo there, but, just as he +was about to deliver the polite reply to which she had forced him, +they happened to turn round the side of a great wood-stack and, at the +same moment, an impressive chorus of voices floated softly across the +night. They were now on a quay that ran across the harbour, parallel +with the cliffs that rose at the back of it. To right and left were +the massed silhouettes of shipping and small craft, of odd +superannuated sailing vessels and huge-funnelled steamers, and in the +intervening waters were moored half a dozen Russian gun-boats. On the +largest of these a sailors' service was being held. They could hear +the priest's sweet voice raised in exhortation, and then again rose +the sailors' chant. + +Morgan listened enraptured. The velvety surface of the water, +traversed here and there by glistering bars, the subdued stars above, +the profound silence of the night, the strange whiteness of the cliff +beyond, rising in marked contrast to the dark line of dwellings at its +foot, save where the patches of green on its face showed as grey +stains in the darkness, the looming hulls and intertangled masts and +rigging, the mystic scattered lights of the harbour--the enchantment +of all entered into his spirit, attuned to this beautiful singing of +the vespers. + +And then, of a sudden, a bugle-call rang out, clear and far-reaching, +from the great barracks of the Western heights; instinct in its rhythm +with discipline, valour, and martial fire; thrilling into the spaces +of the night in strange contrast to the spirit of peace that breathed +in the sweet concord of the sailors' chanting of evening hymns. + +"What a funny lingo!" said Alice, as the chaplain's voice was again +heard in prayer. Her laugh rang out, loud and scornful, insulting the +solemnity and beauty of the scene. Morgan instinctively began to move +on, pained to think that these sojourners in English waters might deem +they were being scoffed at. + +"It wasn't at them I was laughing," she explained, as if aware she had +offended him. "Something came into my mind that happened just at that +spot. It's so funny that I can't help laughing every time I think of +it. If you're very, very good, perhaps I may tell you." + +She looked up at him, wagging her head about to indicate her last +sentence had been intended playfully. Morgan expressed a desire to +hear it, in a sort of indifferent murmur. + +"Well, there was a fellow I let dance with me three or four times, and +I went for a walk with him twice or so. Then he began to get a bit +cheeky, and so I thought I'd put him in his place. I wouldn't take any +notice of him for a long time, and when we passed him in the street I +pretended not to know him. At last one day he comes up to me and he +says: 'Mary, I can't stand it any longer. If you won't speak to me +again I'll go and drown myself.' And then he begged so hard that at +last I promised to go for a walk with him in the evening. Well, I kept +my promise, and we strolled along here. And just at that very spot we +stood still to look at the harbour. 'John,' said I, 'there's the +water; now drown yourself.'" + +Again she laughed immoderately at the recollection of this brilliant +_jeu d'esprit_ and her admirer's discomfiture. + +But the _jeu d'esprit_ kept echoing oddly through Morgan's brain. + +"There's the water. Now drown yourself!" + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Morgan found the Monday infinitely easier to get through. For the +members of the family were absorbed in the duties of life, so that he +was left much to himself. Alice and Mary kept the accounts and served +behind the counter in the stationery shop. In a workshop at the back +Simon Kettering, Mark, four journeymen and one apprentice stood "at +case," whilst in the basement two antiquated printing machines rumbled +on, worked by a small gas-engine. There was also a Columbian press for +pulling posters and a platen machine for small work. Mr. Kettering +devoted a few odd minutes to showing Morgan over the establishment. As +he observed, it was not a magnificent concern; but he had it all under +his eye and by hard work made it yield him a living. Still, times were +hard and--and Mr. Kettering, having once begun to enlarge on the +subject of his disadvantages, proceeded to pour forth all the +accumulated vexations of his spirit. + +Cleo remained in the parlour during the morning writing letters, but +she did not offer to enlighten Morgan as to their nature. He was +rather glad of this incommunicativeness of hers, for he felt in too +restless a mood to talk to her. Impatiently as he was awaiting Helen's +letter, he would not inquire at the post-office till the evening. He +could not bear the idea of coming away empty-handed. + +Meanwhile he amused himself rummaging leisurely amid the contents of +an old mahogany book-case. He found rather a medley of worn +school-books--old-fashioned geographies and histories and foreign +conversation grammars; of mouldy novels, many in French and Italian; +of illustrated lives of actresses, prime donne, and celebrated +courtezans. Most of the novels and non-scholastic books were of a +shoddy, sensational type. Here, then, he had evidently stumbled across +the source of Cleo's early mental nourishment; this was the literature +with which her nature had found affinity. In nearly every book he took +down he came across passages underlined, with occasionally a note in +the margin in her own handwriting. The rich manner and false, pompous +sublimity of these passages brought a smile to his lips, though making +his heart contract painfully. He called to mind the books he had seen +lying about on the occasion of his memorable visit to her in company +with Ingram, and he now had an intuition that the slumbering of her +fierce activity for so many years had been facilitated by a plentiful +provision of literature of the same kind. Her imagination had found +some compensating stimulation and satisfaction in the luscious scenes +amid which it had wandered. + +And suddenly he had a startled flash of memory anent a paper-covered +novel he was holding in his hands. The lithographed wrapper, with its +illuminated veiled figure and its seven mystic stars, he had seen +before; and he now recognised the book as an older copy of the very +one he had found her reading the first time he had ventured to call on +her by himself. It was the work of a lurid lady novelist, popular some +ten years before. He turned its pages with bitter interest. Passage +after passage was marked and underlined. And at length he lighted on +one that seemed to jump from the page and strike him in the face. It +was doubly underlined in red ink, as well as thickly marked down the +margin. + + + "_In me is reincarnated the spirit of the ancient East, and it + is my mission to interpret that spirit to the modern world._" + + +And lower down on the same page, indicated with the like emphasis: + + + "_By sitting in this temple each day and meditating herein I have + ministered to my sacred moods, and I have kept pure the essence + of the ages, which I am to revive for the modern world._" + + +Morgan remembered only too well by whom and on what occasion such +words had been addressed to him. He put back the volume and shut the +book-case. + +At the one o'clock dinner they all came together again. There was the +same profuse solidity of fare as on the previous day, and the same +insistence that Morgan must do justice to it. The girls seemed in high +spirits, mysterious signs and words passing between them, accompanied +by much laughter, of which Morgan dimly suspected he was the cause. + +When the clerk at the post-office, looking through a little heap of +letters, picked out one and put it aside, Morgan could scarcely +restrain his emotion. He chafed at having to wait whilst the man +satisfied himself there were no others for him, and the quiet way he +took the letter revealed little of his almost overmastering impulse +to snatch at it as a wild beast might snatch at meat. Blessed writing +on the envelope! Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he stepped +again into the street! And when at last he began to read, all that he +had suppressed surged up and almost choked him. + + + "My very dear friend," said Helen, "I want to write to you such a + great deal because I know how welcome a long letter will be, and + yet I fear that I cannot make this one very long for the simple + reason that I am feeling serious. Moods are like dresses. Some of + them do not suit me at all. Seriousness not only spoils me, it + makes me absolutely idiotic. Most people I know, however, prefer + me like that because then I express my agreement with their + opinions so very readily. But to be serious. I don't quite + understand what you are going to do at Dover. Still, I am glad + you've gone, for I'm dying to know what her sisters are like. By + the way, I mean to make the acquaintance of the Medhursts. I have + an idea I shan't find that a very difficult task. Then perhaps my + letters may be more agreeable reading for you, for of course we + shall continue corresponding unless you are back in town before + long. Morgan, don't lose faith! I told you I was a prophet--or + should it be prophetess? When I looked you in the face last I + read therein that you were born to be happy. + + "In the meanwhile I don't want you to be uncomfortable. And I now + come to a point I hate to mention because I am afraid of you. You + fly at one so savagely. I don't think you ought to allow a + question of mere money to poison such sweet human relation as + ours. Won't you look at it in the right spirit? I implore you, + do. I want you to believe that I understand and sympathise with + your feelings, but recollect now I am writing to you as your best + friend, without any admixture of anything else, and it is as my + best friend I want you to respond to me. Forget that I am only a + woman. Let my purse be yours. Take only a trifle if you will, but + still take it. It will make me happy, for I want to feel sure + that you are bearing up. Meanwhile I am in dreadful suspense to + hear from you. + + "Yours affectionately, + "HELEN. + + "P. S. In the name of Heaven, write me quickly to tell me what + the sisters are like. I have bought a map of London in sections, + and I spend hours wandering with you in some of the strange + places. What funny shapes the Thames has in some of the sections, + and how nicely the pieces underneath it fit into it. Alas! the + days, the days that are no more! What a sob re-echoes from those + simple words!" + + +Blessed writing! In what an impasse were his life without it! + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Though in his reply to Helen he promised to accept her money in case +of need, he could not prevail on himself to begin just then. His +instinct was against that course as strongly as ever, and he was +precisely like a proud, obstinate child that continues in its fixed +attitude long after being convinced. He gave her an account of the +Kettering family in as gay a note as he could strike from his leaden +mood, for he wished to allay her anxiety about him. He had read in her +letter far more than the mere words; her heart beat through every +line. + +There were still five shillings in his pocket--enough to pay the +postage on sixty letters, he grimly reflected. So far he had had no +occasion to spend money for anything else, and no beggar had crossed +his path to tempt from him the little he had. He needed nothing beyond +his food, and of that the Ketterings' hospitality provided a +sufficiency, though by the third day the over-profusion of plain +dishes was no longer maintained. + +Cleo seemed to be getting mysterious letters from town, and she gave +him to understand she would be able to put her new scheme before him +very soon now, but in the meantime he must be patient. The memory of +her defeat had already almost gone from her mind, as did all things +which were disagreeable to it and which, therefore, it could not +assimilate; and, if she conversed with him at all, it was only on the +subject of her genius, her imagination making, if possible, still +more gorgeous flights than in the first days he had known her. + +But this bluster about her genius only made him smile bitterly now, +for he knew but too well that the foundations of any scheme of hers +could not be laid in the good, solid earth. He could not guess the +nature of the negotiations she had apparently begun, though he had a +suspicion she was offering her genius to moneylenders as a security +for some gigantic advance. The thought made him feel some impatience. +She could not expect him, interested as he might be in her evolutions, +to stay here indefinitely, eating the bread of hard-working Simon +Kettering, even if that were not becoming daily unpleasanter. He was +already thinking that, in his next letter to Helen, he must tell her +to send him a little money, so that, even if he did not leave the +town, he could either live elsewhere or arrange to pay Kettering for +his board and lodging, thus giving Cleo a fair time in which to reveal +her hand. He would be as patient as possible with her, so that she +should not have any real ground for the least reproach to him. + +By the fourth day a fuller comprehension of the family had come to +Morgan, and a growing unhappiness at living with it. His perception of +the Ketterings, at first of the same nature as a traveller's +perception of people among whom he is sojourning for the first time, +had ceased to be art. Their spirit had begun to act on his, and he now +not only saw them as a full reality, but he likewise felt them as a +full reality. His first impression of them had merged gradually into +his present one, though there had been well-marked stages on the +route. + +At the beginning, the Ketterings' interpretation of hospitality had +been indicated by the quantity of food provided; the incessant +pressing him to eat had been a special attention to him, and his +refusal had been taken first as mere ceremony--natural on the part of +a gentleman--and next as somewhat of a slight. And in proportion as he +became less of a novelty to them, so did they resume their normal mode +of life. By the time the fact of his being their guest had ceased to +occupy the centre of their consciousness breakfast had become reduced +to coffee--of the same curious flavour--and thick bread and butter, +tea to the same astringent beverage as before and thin bread and +butter, the two other repasts of the day being likewise administered +with a due regard for economy. Mrs. Kettering, too, no longer +enumerated the contents of the larder in the hope of tempting him with +some delicacy that was not on the table. The trim servant girl who had +waited so staidly and respectfully at table had now developed into a +perfect slattern who had the habit of answering her mistress back, +sometimes in a way that almost amounted to bullying, and who seemed to +have as much to say in the concerns of the family as any one of its +members. The kitchen, too, obtruded and occupied the foreground of +life. + +Morgan did not, on account of this change, which he knew did not +signify any falling off in hospitable feeling, and which, indeed, he +rather appreciated so far as the reduced fare was concerned, reverse +his judgment that he had fallen among kind-hearted folk. It had been a +strain on them to maintain an appearance of gentility, and their +recoil had been merely that of a stretched piece of elastic. He had +lost his importance as a special person, and was now only just one of +them. He understood that the family was exactly what it had to +be, that its temperament and mode of life were perfectly attuned; yet, +for him, there were a thousand unseizable roughnesses that depressed +his spirit. Though the Ketterings and he spoke the same mother-tongue, +words bore different values for him, and full communion was +impossible. + +But his estimation of them was more of the nature of passive mental +apprehension than of active criticism. He himself, however, had been +criticised and he knew it, for Alice and Mary had at length made him +feel that he did not satisfy their conception of a gentleman. The +simplicity of his manners did not convince them. They seemed to hold +by some complicated code of etiquette for ladies and gentlemen--Heaven +knew how they had become possessed of it--of which he fell sadly +short. He did not understand in the least their shibboleth of +flirtation, their particular methods of banter, the precise shade of +significance of their facial expressions and movements, the exact +values of their phrases and catch-words; all of which was knowledge +that, according to their notion, was the common stock-in-trade of +breeding. Their atmosphere of coquetry did not appeal to him; and, as +a rule, he remained supremely ignorant of the fact that they _were_ +coquetting with him. Thus it was they giggled and laughed and made fun +of him, having attained to a vast feeling of superiority over him, and +a not less vast pity for their poor, dear sister, who had married him! + +He could see that nature had made precisely the same failure with +their personalities as with their bodies. Each was a bundle of traits +that individually made "Cleo" echo through his brain, yet the total +effect lacked convincingness. In Cleo all such characteristics were +fused into her general magnificence; in Mary and Alice they seemed to +exist at random, failing to give any sense of harmony, but only one of +irritation. The airs and graces they assumed did but emphasise their +crudity. It was, indeed, an illumining perception when it struck +Morgan that their absurd movements and struttings and the queen-like +way in which they tried to hold their heads bore a singular +resemblance to the stage-gestures of "The Basha's Favourite." At the +same time they possessed a large fund of animal spirits. They talked a +good deal about dancing and sitting with young men in hidden corners, +or going a-rowing with them; though when or where they did any of +these things he could not quite make out. + +Then again, the ostentatious love for the rest of the family and for +each other they had exhibited the first day turned out to be a +dependent variable that often approached vanishing-point. If the girls +showed a certain uncouth good-humour in their calm moments, they +certainly had violent tempers which they made no effort to restrain. +If Alice, attempting to pass along the narrow dining-room, caught her +dress on Mary's chair: "If anybody else were to sit like that----" she +would commence angrily, and then a nice quarrel would ensue. Quarrels, +indeed, seemed to be evolved from incredible beginnings, and the +evenings bristled with them. Mrs. Kettering was easily drawn into +these disagreements and took a leading part in no few of them. Simon +and Mark, however, would remain impassive, the first reading his paper +and uttering now and again a facetious, mild protest, the second +smoking his eternal pipe in unyielding taciturnity. Mrs. Kettering +likewise annoyed her daughters by constantly talking to Morgan in +their presence of the difficulty of finding husbands for them. + +One morning Cleo, who was down early, pounced upon a letter for him +and wanted to read it. But as he recognised his father's writing--the +envelope had had much redirection in varying scripts--and as her +letters were always sealed to him, he refused to open it in her +presence. He was not in the mood for a squabble with her. The fact +that his father had managed to pierce his inaccessibility had unnerved +him, the mere sight of the letter almost making him tremble. He put it +in his pocket; it was imperative he should be alone when reading it. +Cleo grew sulky and looked it. Alice and Mary, being in a particularly +affectionate mood that morning, came hovering round her, entwining her +waist with their long arms, pressing their faces gently against hers, +and kissing her with ostentatious sympathy. "What has the naughty man +been doing to our darling?" they asked in a sort of playful, mincing +lisp. "Has he made our dear, dear sister miserable? Naughty, naughty +man!" + +That made a beginning. As a continuation Mrs. Kettering took it into +her head once more to lament the scarcity of possible husbands for +Alice and Mary over the breakfast table. They retorted that no doubt +there were plenty of husbands to be picked up without a penny, who'd +be glad to come and stay at the house and idle about and eat their +fill. Evidently they had overheard talk between their parents, for it +had been represented to them that Cleo and her husband were only in +Dover on a friendly visit to the family. + +Before the others had realised it Morgan had risen and left the house. +His every nerve was a-tingle with pain. He was finished with the +Ketterings, he told himself; it was impossible for him ever to set +foot in that house again. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +The sense that a final rupture had occurred between him and the +Ketterings was so strong in Morgan that for the moment he omitted to +consider the difficulties that might arise as regards Cleo. He saw now +that by becoming their guest under circumstances such as his he had +exposed himself to the possibility of insult from the first. But he +did not condemn them; he simply felt he could not live in contact with +them. + +He was too unstrung to read his father's letter yet, though, as he +thought of it again, the reflection occurred to him that old relations +were intruding into the new life that had begun with Cleo. First Helen +and then his father had overtaken him! + +He started to walk briskly through the town, which he soon cleared. +The movement helped to calm his excitement, though it did not diminish +his bitterness. All the morning he tramped through the country, +deriving some little comfort from the feeling that he was all alone. +He lunched on bread and cheese at a wayside inn, partaking of the +meal in an old room with rough tables and benches. Near him lay four +huge potatoes, newly broiled in their skins. Through the window he +looked out on to a yard where poultry strutted about amid straw, dung, +and rubbish, in the shadow of a hay-rick. Not till then had he the +heart to take the letter from his pocket. An examination of the +redirections proved interesting. It had been first sent to the address +where he had lived with Cleo, whence it had been redirected care of +Cleo's maid, who, in turn, had forwarded it to Dover. He understood +now how those first mysterious letters had come for Cleo so quickly, +though he did not quite see why she should have concealed from him +this arrangement with the maid. + +As he broke the envelope a labourer in corduroys came into the room, +and seemed taken aback at finding a gentleman there. He was the owner +of the broiled potatoes, but apologised for taking possession of them. +Morgan bade him sit down and have his meal, but the man, his face +shining with good-humour, insisted he must not disturb him, but would +go and stand at the bar. He took only two of the potatoes, his +good-nature impelling him to leave the other two for Morgan, with the +hearty, encouraging remark: "Pull into them, sir!" + + + "My Dear Son: + + "I am writing this only with the faintest hope of its ever + reaching you. If by any chance it does, I beg of you to inform me + of your whereabouts at once. Your letter came upon us like a + bombshell. I do not wish to reproach you for the hurt we have + suffered. I only want you to believe now in my desire to stand by + you, however terrible the mistake you have made. + + "Of course, we put the worst interpretation on your silence about + the person you had made your wife. I hurried up to town at once, + but you had gone from your old rooms and left not a trace. I + learnt, however, that you had a sister who used to come to see + you sometimes. I suppose that is your wife. Naturally I assumed + you had acted towards me as you had because you thought I should + reproach you for having spoilt your life. How little you seem to + know me, Morgan! _That_ is what I have to reproach you with. Why + was I so little in your confidence? Did you think me incapable of + sympathising with you because you are a young man and I an old? + How little you seem to know me, Morgan, I must repeat again. + + "I do not want to indulge in useless retrospect. I do not want to + exercise my imagination and yours in tracing out some more + desirable course of events that might have resulted from your + acting otherwise. But I cannot help giving expression to my deep + sorrow at the plight in which you now must be. I do not know how + the whole thing came about--what led to your acquaintance with + the lady who is now your wife; but I do wish that, instead of + writing me that curt letter, you had had sufficient belief in my + love and sympathy to come to me despite all. My pen is powerless + to express all that is in my heart. I can only just tell you that + this is the worst heart-ache I have had in my life. + + "If this reaches you, dear Morgan, don't be too proud to let me + hear from you at once. I am an old man now, remember, and this + suspense is killing. Especially as I have come so near to finding + you and have only just missed you by a day or two. On coming up + to town I at once called at Mr. Ingram's flat, and then I learnt + for the first time he had married a great society lady. The + commissionaire gave me his new address in Grosvenor Gardens, and + there I was fortunate enough to find him. He seemed astonished to + hear you had got married and disappeared. I asked him about your + quarrel with him, and then he told me what he knew--that you had + run through all the six thousand pounds, had been afraid to tell + me, and had behaved abominably rudely to him because he made to + you certain suggestions for your own benefit. He was sorry he + could not help me to find you. He seemed, indeed, quite + distressed about you and sympathised with me in my trouble. + + "My poor Morgan! How could a genius like you be bothered with + having to manage money? What is the use of a man like you having + a rich father if his riches are not for you to enjoy! If you had + only said a word! It was hopelessly foolish of me to imagine you + had suddenly developed the ability to husband your resources. But + you seemed so comfortable and cheerful when I last saw you that I + did not suspect anything. And then my attention was so + concentrated on my book that I scarcely had a thought for + anything else. + + "You must forgive me for having called a private detective to my + aid. What else could I do? The anxiety was terrible, and I hadn't + slept for nights. He was a long time about it, and he ought to + have done it sooner, for I gave him a very good photo of you to + work with. But he assumed you had gone further afield, and sought + to find you in the provinces. So your wife is an actress! The + detective assures me she stood naked on the stage before a whole + theatre full of people. That isn't true, I hope. + + "As I have already said, I was too late when I called at your + address, and the landlady said she couldn't forward letters, as + no new address had been left with her. But it struck me that + perhaps she had her reasons for making that statement, and so now + I write in the hope that my letter may be forwarded after all. If + it is, then write at once to your dear father, who, if you have + made a mistake, will help you to live it down. I implore you not + to keep away from me any longer. + + "Of course, I have seen the Medhursts several times. John and + Kate feel the blow quite as much as I do, though they have done + their best to console me. Margaret, too, poor girl, is very pale. + She shuts herself up in her studio and pretends to be working. + But I'm hanged if I can make out what she's at. There is just a + mass of blackfish wax, and, though I always find her shaping it + with her fingers, it always seems to look the same. The + composition of my book has progressed fairly well, but I am + looking forward to your helping me with it a tremendous lot." + + +Though he was twenty-eight, Morgan felt he still had in him a child's +fresh spring of emotion, and he had no more than a child's strength to +struggle against it. He hurried from the inn, suppressing his sobs for +a moment with one grand effort. + +He walked back to the town and found an expected letter from Helen +awaiting him at the post-office. He had asked for ten pounds, and she +had sent him a bank-note. She had written him only just a few lines to +accompany it, but promised to make amends as regards length next time. +She said he had made her happy by giving her so practical a proof of +his belief in her friendship, and added she was very glad indeed he +was thinking of lodging elsewhere, instead of staying with that horrid +and amusing family. She hoped he would make up his mind on the point +very soon; and the sooner he had a terrific quarrel with his Cleo the +better. As soon as she should hear of it she would execute a +war-dance, adequately complicated for the occasion. + +How good to him were those he had fled from! How endless was the +morass into which he had floundered! + +And yet the very touch of the bank-note stung him. It represented the +fact of his degradation; it summed up the hopelessness of his +position. The sympathy poured upon him, welcome though it was, but +emphasised his sense of the pitiable failure of his existence. He +still burned under the terrible insult of the morning; he smarted from +the friction of living amid the petty, squabbling vulgarity of the +Kettering household. He remembered, too, he must come to some +understanding with Cleo; he must give her an opportunity of joining +him wherever he should be staying. And, of course, he must also write +to thank Mr. and Mrs. Kettering for their hospitality. + +The afternoon passed by. He dined modestly at a sort of coffee-house +at the back of the harbour and arranged for a bed-room there. Later in +the evening he found himself forced to go out again, for it suffocated +him to stay within four walls. And even as he walked at random, the +blackest fit of his life came upon him. He thought of those first +years of enthusiastic striving, and those following years of +half-hearted striving; he thought of the long stretches of time +dissipated in mental lounging, in lethargic inaction he had been +unable to combat, so paralysing had been his sense of the futility of +effort. Looking back now, his whole inner life seemed to have been a +long, increasing bitterness. But he did not pity himself; his attitude +was one of cruel self-criticism. If only he had been an isolated soul +he would not have felt so keenly. But the course of his life had +reacted on others and embittered their existence. It seemed as if he +could not take a step without wounding those who loved him. He was not +fit to breathe the same air with them, he told himself. + +Of Margaret he scarce dared think, so great was his sense of his +unworthiness; but the light of her face, as it swam up before him, +thrilled him with the consciousness that his love for her was abiding, +that this affair on which he had embarked was a grotesque nightmare in +which his true being had not been concerned at all, though it had +become irredeemably involved in it. Once or twice it had given him +pleasure to imagine that it was in Helen's power to do more than just +sympathise with him, but then he had never forgotten that was only a +wistful fancy. It brought the tears to his eyes to think of her +attempt to cheer him with her prophecy of happiness for him. Happiness +for him! Dream as vain as his Cleo's lust for glory! + +It was past ten o'clock, and the sea-front was already deserted. He +strolled eastward, following the roadway to where the houses ended, +when it swept round the foot of the cliff, on whose top rose the +ancient castle, and eventually degenerated into an ascending foot-path +protected by a wooden rail. He stayed awhile at the bend, gazing into +the immense darkness, in which, here and there, glimmered a light from +a passing vessel, and listening to the swish of the water lapping the +foot of the sea-wall. A fisherman preparing his bait hailed him +"Good-night!" from the glooms of a small, primitive jetty. He returned +the salute civilly, but, as he was not in the mood for human +intercourse, he sang out and wished the man a good haul and then +moved on. Up, up the incline he went, the rugged cliff-front towering +above him, clothed with great grey patches. The path narrowed as it +wound its way up the side and at length ran into the cliff, through +which a long gallery had been hewn. But the solid blackness that faced +him at its mouth did not give him pause. He felt his way along, +stumbling up the rough incline, and turned down another gallery which +intersected this one at right angles, and which led to the face of the +cliff where its opening, high above the water, was barred by a tall +iron rail. Here he stood and looked out to sea. + +The nocturne was beautiful in its largeness and silence. The sublimity +of the great spaces emphasised his own existence just then as petty, +crabbed, and sordid. The discords within him were so harsh that he +could not respond to the sweet mystery of the night, or to the music +that called from sea and sky, from the shadows and the spaces. + +Again that bitter sense of his whole life became concentred in one +moment. And then, as the sound of the soft-flowing tide came up to him +again, it seemed to bring with it words that echoed strangely through +his being. And his being seized upon them and gripped them. The voice +of Mary Kettering seemed to be commanding him, as if her hostile +spirit were hovering near, and he could hear her vulgar laugh +disgracing the solitudes. + +"There's the water. Now drown yourself!" + +The consciousness of his personal unimportance to the world was +accentuated against the free vastness on which he gazed. The mission +that alone had had power to stir his blood, of being a voice to the +spell of which all men should yield, had been decreed against. His +hope of winning the right to live amid and breathe an atmosphere in +harmony with his being, an atmosphere in which his individuality, as +he conceived it, should ripen and expand and yield all the fragrance +that was in it, was utterly dead. + +He could not detach his dead hope from his life; its rotting carcass +weighed it down and poisoned it. The love, too, that Margaret had +inspired in him but remained as an exquisite bitterness. And as for +those who loved him, better they should bear the blow at once than +that he should torture them constantly. Let them mourn for him now; +let them, in the years that were to come, sometimes feel his presence +with them and think of him as one who had had good in him, but whose +life had proved piteously futile. For them much pain now and an +occasional pang in the future; for him, the sweetness of unending +rest, for was there not sweetness in death? + +He looked again out to sea, striving to pierce the darkness that +floated over the world like a spirit, and divining the far-off line +where the sky touched the water. + +One last, glorious swim to reach it! And out there, in the +infinitudes, amid the silence and the loneness, with all the still +music of the universe lulling him to sleep, should his being gently +merge into the all-pervasive essence; there, in the large freedom of +the airs, under the full spread of Heaven's stars, and in the soft +embrace of the velvet waters, should he feel his blood beat to an end; +there, in the heart of those mysterious spaces, were fitting place for +a poet to die! + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +He turned to go back and descend to the shore below, but just then he +heard a strange whispering that reechoed through the passages. A flash +of light seemed to fly down the long gallery, driving the darkness +before it, and then a young man and a girl passed by, the former +holding a lighted match. He waited a moment, half-startled, +half-annoyed at their intrusion, then groped his way after them, +eventually stumbling out of the tunnel's mouth. And, as he descended +the incline again, he became aware of other couples standing about in +the shadows, within alcoves of the cliff, or seated on the grassy +slope just outside the wooden hand-rail. In his first abstraction he +had overlooked these. + +He could not begin his swim here with the consciousness of all these +human beings so near at hand. He wanted the complete sense of +isolation from his fellow-creatures, the feeling that he and the +infinite were alone face to face. An idea came to him. On the other +side of the town stretched some miles of shingle at the foot of the +cliffs. Here he would seek the aloneness he felt to be imperative. + +He started to walk briskly the length of the town, and his way took +him through the harbour again. Here again he caught glimpses of +isolated couples, leaning against the stacks of wood or half-lost in +the shade of some black hull rising high alongside the footways. + +His perception of externals seemed to have grown keener; his glance +seemed to pierce where the shadows were thickest. + +And all these couples gave him just then a sense of the vast, futile +movement of life on the planet, of the infinite succession of human +generations, each appearing and blossoming and mating and dying. He +seemed in that moment to feel a hideous meaninglessness in this tidal +wave of life travelling through the ages. + +He crossed the railway line and passed on to the broad shingle that +sloped to the water's edge. The air was almost still, the water was +smooth and gentle. He set his face westward and trudged along, seeking +the place where his foot should stand on the solid shore for the last +time. He calculated to go about a mile, so as to be free from any +sense of the proximity of the town; but he was somewhat dismayed to +pass another couple after he had gone about a hundred yards. +Couples--couples everywhere! Should he never escape from them? How +crude seemed all this love-making when one caught a glimpse of it from +the outside as a large, collective fact! + +That, however, proved to be the last encounter, but as he tramped on +over the grey shingle, amid which shone the white sprinkling of chalky +pebbles, a sudden screech pierced the night and a train came rushing +along the track that ran alongside the beach, its engine vomiting a +lurid smoke that showed ghastly in the dark and that disappeared +within the tunnel under the cliff like a giant flame snuffed out. And +soon he had ceased to hear its roaring. + +The incident seemed to him symbolic. His flame, too, was to be snuffed +out; but he had the thought, with a grim smile, that he wasn't going +to make so much noise about it. + +Now and again he floundered into a puddle or rivulet that flowed +seaward across the expanse of shelving shore, but he felt his sense of +aloneness amid nature increase at each step gained. The pieces of +chalk, scattered on all hands, grew larger and larger, evidently +fallen from above and rounded by the wash of the waves. The patched +whiteness of the cliffs rose high on his right; a tiny, solitary light +shone far out at sea. Clouds were beginning to gather, and some of the +stars were hidden. The night grew darker; the stillness disturbed by +his footsteps alone and the low melody of the gently-breaking waters. +The sea itself stretched before him, a vast, soft shadow, but the eye +had to look at it determinedly to separate it from the sky. And now +"Shakespeare's Cliff" towered up, its side gashed and scarred as by a +giant's axe. The fallen masses lay heaped at its foot, grotesque yet +solemn. Then there were larger masses, piles of enormous boulders on +his right, as if a whole cliff had crashed to fragments; and a great +expanse of them, mossy and weed-covered, stretching on his left to the +water's edge. He was aware of them, too, ahead of him, extending in +the gloom indefinitely. And soon he had to pick out a tortuous way +between the mighty heaps on one hand and the far-spread belt of rock +on the other. + +On and on he passed, and stayed at length by a chalk rock, tall as +himself, wrought by the tides into the semblance of a head, a +veritable giant's head, with masses of long, intertangled weeds on its +top and sides, like the strange, wild unkempt locks of a sea-god; its +front showing blurred features like a carven face eaten away by the +slow gnaw of a thousand centuries. + +"If you had but a tongue, what secrets of the deep you could tell!" he +could not help saying aloud. + +And then, as he stood listening, his wish seemed to be answered. The +face before him seemed to glow with a light as of life in the mystic +gloom that wrapped it. And it spoke to him through the silence with a +voice that was as a golden bell sounding from the heart of the +universe. It spoke a language that his being comprehended; it sang to +him a song of peace and sweetness and wonders. And he knew that the +melody that beat through it was but a murmur of the great essence +calling to him; the essence that was fragrance, that was light, that +was music; the essence that sometimes showed through the grossness of +things and that he himself had striven to capture as it flashed here +and there for those in whom burned an intenser spark of itself than +was allotted to the generality of men--for the bard, the painter, the +seer--towards whom it leapt as flame leaps to flame, yet who saw it +but as the seekers of visions see an elusive gleam flash and half die +within the blur of a magic crystal. + +Here, then, was the spot! + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +He proceeded to disrobe himself, for he wished to feel the embrace of +the waters on his bare flesh. But he was not so absorbed in his self +and his purpose as to extrude all thoughts of those who were dear to +him. Nay, such thoughts, perhaps, were part of his very self. Eyes +that till now were dry became blinded with tears, so that the shaded, +floating night-world seemed to palpitate before him in a strange blur +that was like a despairing mood externalised. It were best so, he +reassured himself again; better that he should now plunge into the +sweet mystery, of which the little he knew was by a dim, exquisite +divination, better that he should live only as a sad memory than as an +evil-causing reality. + +Then, too, it occurred to him, it was right that his clothes should be +left on shore. He would put them out of the reach of the tide, and the +weight of a boulder should defy the wind. The letters of his father +and Helen would serve to identify the owner of the clothes; he would +not destroy them, since there was nothing in them save what the +writers might be proud of having written. They would then know the +worst at once, instead of having to endure the long-drawn, vain hope +that is worse than despair. Even if his body were not washed ashore +there could be no mistaking his fate. + +He picked his way to the water's edge and strode in unhesitatingly. +The tide was just on the turn, and the touch of the light-swelling +waves was at first cold and gentle. But soon he was breasting them +with steady stroke, moving out to some indefinite point where should +be the full mystery of the night and the spaces, and whence the shore +should be swallowed up in the darkness. His sense of the world passed +into a large vagueness; the blood pulsed through his veins +exquisitely; the kiss of the water was warm and sweet. Steadily, +steadily his hands cleft it, the activity of his brain dwindling and +dwindling and lapsing at length into a mere self-abandonment to the +sensuousness of the motion. He was scarcely conscious of controlling +his muscles; his arms seemed to work of themselves in rhythmical +sweep. Onward, onward! with only a fused feeling of warmth and +exhilaration and a drowsy sense of vague far-spreadingness. + +The consciousness of time had passed away, and that of space was a +mere intensity of feeling. Once or twice he was dreamily aware of a +strange halo of light haunting his universe. + +But at last the vibrating hoot of some great passing steamship drove +suddenly across the waters, a keen note that thrilled through him +startlingly, dispelling the delicious languor that possessed him. He +had a sense as of awakening from slumber, and then he knew that the +vague halo was a long beam, flying round at some distance from him, +that came from the light-house at the end of the great stone pier. His +mind leapt again to full activity, shaking off the medley of sensation +that had been flowing against his passive consciousness with such dull +uniformity. + +His blood glowed with the full glory of the sea; he was conscious of +a clear sanity, for the brooding mists had vanished from his spirit. +And even as he heard and felt the throb of mighty engines that came to +him from afar, and considered what mastery over the deeps they +represented, the thought occurred to him that he, too, was master of +the boundless water, buoyant at his will. An exaltation sprang up in +him as he realised throughout all his fibre its sensuous vastness, its +elastic massiveness. + +And with this exultant sense of mastery, with this feeling of the good +red blood coursing through him, there seemed to have awakened in him +an invincible something that held him to existence with a grip that +could know no loosening, that made his whole being cohere with a +strength that not all the forces of dissolution could relax. + +On and on he swam; on and on. What an ecstacy it was to live! + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Once more a vision of his life passed before him as a single flash, +and this time it drew from him a scornful anger. + +Fool! Should he who rode abreast the ocean in absolute mastery not be +master of his own existence? Fool! The universe before had sung to him +of life, not of death; its essence had called to him not to take him +into itself, but to remind him that within him was some of its own +glorious fire that might yet make his life glorious. That, too, had +now leapt up, had burnt away all the vapours and purged his spirit; +that, too, sang and joined in the universal chant. He recognised its +clear melody, inspiring him to place faith in it and to be true to +himself. + +Action must be the key to the redemption of his life; a flourishing, +masterful Will-To-Live the force behind it. He had made mistakes; it +was for him to convert them into a good, to make of them a solid +pedestal on which his manhood should stand firm. + +Back to the shore again! Back to human beings and human love and human +duties! + +And just then an odd thought intruded on him, grotesque yet touching; +one of those incongruous memories that invade one's solemnest moments. +He had a vision of a labourer in soiled corduroys leaving him half his +dinner at the wayside inn that morning. + +He turned on his back to rest awhile, but he found he could not endure +the changed position. For the reality of the world was lost to him +again, and he had a sense of floating alone in the immensity of +strange, dark places; the cloud-stained sky seeming to rest on his +face. The night, too, had grown darker, and the throb of the +steam-vessel came to him now more faintly. He was conscious of being +left behind. A momentary fear invaded him. + +And in that moment he seemed to see the shapes of those who loved him +imploring him with streaming eyes, now beckoning him, now holding +their arms to him. + +He set his face landwards and thrust all uncertainty from him. He +could just distinguish the softly-gleaming cliffs, but he felt strong +and pure and stout-hearted. Back! Back! Back to land, to work, to +love! A rougher tide rolling in helped him. He knew the spot whence he +had started; it was just beyond the point where the cliff rose to its +highest. The sense of distance annihilated gave him new strength, and +at last he stood again amid the fallen boulders and shook the water +from him. He sacrificed an undergarment as a towel, then dressed +himself quickly; and, suffused by the new, living spirit, he turned +his steps townward again. + +But he could not go home to his lodgings and sleep. It was a small +confined bed-room he had taken, whereas he felt the need of breathing +deep of the full wind that had by now sprung up. He felt that the open +night brought inspiration, and he wished, too, to yield to all the +activity that urged within him. He passed again by the harbour, +plunged into the town and through the streets that ran up the +hill-side to the castle. + +Action, action, action! He had come through the crisis with miraculous +strength, with inexhaustible energy. On, on, through the grey night, +exulting in the wind even as he had exulted in the sea! + +Meanwhile his plans were coming to him. + +He had often, in his bitter moments, envied the bricklayer and the +cobbler. Why should _he_ not begin to learn a trade even now? + +He was conscious of intelligence, of patience, of the desire to +labour. Why should not Kettering give him a chance in his workshop? +The old man had shown him real kindness and was evidently +well-disposed towards him. He felt sure he could enlist his sympathy, +for, despite the apparent limitation of his interests, Simon Kettering +had impressed him as having, in a general way, a keen understanding of +things. The vulgarity of life in that household was but a small +consideration to him now. His vow never to return to it had been made +when he had taken the old vision of things. His new and saner vision +made him see that vow was a mistake. Was he not strong enough to defy +the corrosiveness of a mean, vulgar atmosphere? Nay, his life, by its +own inner force, would flow impervious to such influence. + +To labour, and by the work of his own hands to pay those whom Cleo had +wronged! + +Not till he had done this would he feel true to himself; not till then +would he deem himself worthy of the love of those who were dear to +him. + +It were easy to fall back on his father's generosity, to live an empty +life of indolence; but that would not give him that respect of self +which alone could keep him attuned to the harmonies of being, and thus +bring him the longed-for peace of spirit. For his sense of life was +the sum of his inner moods, and no mere superficial remedy could +inform them with that pure flowingness that constitutes happiness. + +To go though the discipline he had set himself, to labour hard and +achieve a fixed, worthy end by his own unaided efforts, no matter what +stretch of his life it consumed, were to vindicate himself, were to +vindicate his Will-To-Live! + +He had arrived at a culminating point in existence. The understanding +of what his life had lacked had come to him at last, and with it a +recognition of that by which it was to be guided in future. Life, to +be true, must involve all the functions of the soul--thought, emotion +and will; must be lived with a healthy fulness. He had not so lived +it. His error had lain in detachment, which had well-nigh brought him +to the verge of destruction. And now it was with him a time of +reconstruction. + +He desired to face that full actuality of things from which he had +always shrunk as from a terrifying chaos, wilfully shutting out from +his vision all but its superficial forms and tones. He wished to open +his spirit to the feeling and throb of the living world. + +Discipline, self-discipline! On that basis alone could the human soul +develop and attain to Individuality and Freedom. + +He seemed to recognise some Force working in him like a Redeemer; he +fancied he saw some strange Necessity in his life, working through all +its dark moments, its action eventually forcing upon him a true +estimation of existence, of his relation to things. + +His being should assimilate from the living world all that should +serve to build it up; even as a plant wonderfully drew from the earth +just that which its fibre needed. But for that end he must move +through the living world--not shun it. More and more of its essence +would he take into himself, more and more would he defy the mean, the +ugly, the evil; till at last he should be strong enough to walk +unscathed even through the fire. + +That thought which had come to him a short time before about the +meaninglessness of life, and of the perpetual mating that carried it +on, now recurred to him again; but this time he had an accompanying +sense of its utter falsity. He had been wrong in his thought, he told +himself, because to view life in that large way from an apparently +outside point of view was in reality to lose all sight of the meaning +under quest. It was the point of view which was unsuitable, not the +meaning which was absent! The error was the same fatal one of +detachment. If man projected a critical mind, a mere isolated bit of +himself, to which adhered nothing of his essential nature, into a +boundless space and bade it look from thence on the march of humanity +and deliver judgment thereon, surely that judgment could not be a true +one. + +The true judgment of life was only to be made by the help of the full +humanness of the observer. Life had to be felt within; not viewed from +without from an imagined cosmic standpoint. + +Not then in the long parade of history must the meaning of life be +sought, nor in its massed manifestations, the sum total resulting from +its activities; not amid the buried relics in geologic strata, not in +the large sweep of scientific law. But each human being might find it +for himself in his own limited span; for the individual life, lived +true with the fulness of the human spirit, was its own end, its own +meaning. And whosoever lived true to himself felt and knew the meaning +of life. Living and mating might be foreshortened to mere dry facts in +the great stretch of a cosmic outlook; by the emotion of the +individual they were touched to divinity. + +Let him, then, since he wished to live true, not seek to escape from +himself, but to accept his own human outlook and be true to the +fulness of his being. Let him recognise the eternal principles of +humanness underlying man's varying attempts to express them in binding +rules of conduct, and let him take his place in man's world--a world, +both of facts and relations, selected by man's innate nature from the +swirling, chaotic continuity of which man was a part--facing the +fulness of life with the fulness of character. + +He had climbed the long, ascending road. Above him sat the dark castle +on the top of a grey slope; and, looking downwards on his left, he saw +the town sleeping in its valley, its many points of light gleaming +through a palpitating mist. He could just discern the other hill +beyond as a tone that was lost in the dark sky, a faint luminous spot +showing here and there on the top. + +He stayed a moment to admire the nocturne and was glad that he had +lived to see all this beauty. Yes, everything called to him for life, +not for death. He continued his wandering, heedless whither; and, when +at last he became conscious of fatigue, he had covered many miles and +had strayed through many by-paths. The first frenzy of restlessness +had worn itself out, and he sat for awhile on a barred gate, previous +to turning back to the town. + +His only guide now was the general sense that he must keep the sea on +his left. He was but a few hundred feet from it. Once or twice he +divined the water, almost indistinguishable from cloud, when a great +indentation in the cliff made its edge sweep in towards him; and once +a ship's light flashed out of it for half a second. He swung along +steadily, and after a time found himself traversing a great, dusky +stretch of land. He had the feeling of crawling over it like an +insect, so vast was his sense of this flat earth; he seemed just a bit +of it moving on it and thinking about it, as if it had attained +through him to consciousness of itself! + +He fell into a slow saunter, philosophic fancies coming to interweave +themselves with his thoughts; and, when he awoke again from a long +reverie, the road had grown narrow, rough and stony. He stumbled along +till at length he again made out the castle in the distance, perched +on its sombre eminence, just a flat silhouette against a lighter +greyish sky. + +The road dipped between two slopes that cut off the view, and, when he +had passed them, the battlemented silhouette seemed to show deeper and +the sky lighter. The morn was approaching. + +Imperceptibly the darkness thinned. A quiet feeling of holiness was in +the air. The stretch of common on either hand began to take on a shade +of brown, though the rare clumps of scattered bushes still showed dark +and solid. A fresh morning breeze came to him, scent-laden. + +In some parts the clouds were lightening, melting, and as he came +again into full view of the sea, he saw its whole surface glistening +and of an indefinite colour. Sometimes it struck him as a sort of +steely grey, sometimes it flashed upon him as a vague, elusive green. +It was almost light now, and he could see the landscape distinct and +wonderfully sharp-cut. A minute later he was almost sure that the sea +was green, and, to his surprise, he became aware of luminous blue bars +among the clouds. There was a lovely piece of green, too, with orange +streaks in it. Then there came a full flood of mystic pink, and the +water was one laughing sparkle. He drew deep breaths of the air and +gloried in the dawn. + +The pure, sweet dawn, to him symbolic of Resurrection and Life! + +Though tired now, he still lingered, strolling at ease down to the +town again and lounging on the beach and in the harbour. When, in the +end, he arrived at the coffee-house where he had taken his lodging he +found it already open, and porters and sailors were taking their +early-morning coffee. + +He threw himself across his bed and slept soundly till mid-day. + + +END OF BOOK IV. + + + + +BOOK V. + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Morgan waited till half-past one before calling again at the +Ketterings, for by then, as he knew, the printer had about finished +his lunch, and usually had some few minutes to spare. + +He did not ring at the side entrance, but walked through the shop, +where only a boy was in charge at this hour, and into the workshop at +the back. Here, to his satisfaction, he found Mr. Kettering himself +busy measuring up galleys with a long piece of string. The old man was +startled to see him, but said he was glad he had come, as he had been +anxious about him and had wanted to talk to him. Morgan noticed that +he seemed a little excited. His face, too, seemed a trifle more worn +and lined than usual behind his spectacles, and his beard had a +scraggy appearance. + +"I'm afraid, sir, my daughters were very rude to you yesterday +morning," he continued, "and I want you to accept my sincere apology +for their conduct. They are hard-working girls enough, but they +haven't much sense, and I'm afraid not much consideration for other +folks' feelings. I only hope you'll overlook it this time. However, +there's something else I must tell you at once. Selina has gone away." + +"Gone away!" echoed Morgan. + +"Yes," said Mr. Kettering, sadly. "Altogether we've had a nice upset. +Mother's ill in bed to-day. It was this way: Of course I spoke a bit +sharply to those scatter-brained girls, and they answered me back in a +way it makes my blood boil to think about. Women-folk are all a bit +crazy. That's the opinion I've been forced to, sir, and if I had my +days over again, I'd never so much as look at one of them. Then +Selina--she joined in and said it stifled her to live here. It was +worse than living in a mud-hovel. Then the mother said she'd better go +and live in a mud-hovel. And after that they all four fell a-screaming +and I couldn't do anything to stop them. As soon as I could get a word +in edgeways I begged them to be quiet, but Selina was excited and +disowned us all. She said she never believed she was our child; she +could never possibly have come from such filth as us, and then she +lost her head and cursed us--I never heard the like in my life. My +heart bled for you, sir, for I said to myself: this can't be the first +exhibition she has made of herself since her marriage, especially as +things went wrong. However, business had to be attended to, which put +an end to the scene. But when I went up to dinner, Selina told me she +had packed up and was going away that afternoon, and that we needn't +expect ever to see her again. Of course I tried to talk her over, and +asked her not to be foolish, but to stop till she had her arrangements +properly made. Then she told me sharply not to mind about _her_ +arrangements, and that she had no need of my charity. She pulled out +and showed me fifty pounds in bank-notes. They came the day before, she +said, and she had any number of thousands waiting for her. 'But what +about your husband?' I asked. 'My husband?' she snorted. 'I'll make +you a present of him if you like. There's another woman in love with +him, who's ready to give him as much money as he cares to take from +her. And he has any number of mistresses besides. So you don't expect +I'm going to trouble my head about him. Besides, he hasn't said six +words to me since we've been here. If he had cared about me he'd have +shown it.' And, sure enough, she went off by the afternoon train. +'Tell him he's rid of me now, as soon as he gets over his fit of the +sulks and comes back,' was the last she said. Yes, women-folk are all +crazy. You'll excuse me repeating the remark, I know, sir; but you +remember what I told you when you came on Sunday. I don't mean any +disrespect by it, but I can't help thinking you were a fool to marry +her." + +And Kettering took up his cord again as if to continue his measuring. + +Morgan's brain was for an instant full of a whirling mass of thought. +He could not hide from himself that he had not the slightest sense of +sorrow or regret. He knew perfectly well that Cleo esteemed him no +more than a dead twig, that, by his abstention from offering up to her +daily an incense and a sweet savour of gross flattery, he had +destroyed all possibility of her continuing to imagine he counted for +something in her life. And, of course, she was not the kind of woman +to stay in so sordid and narrow a household with a penniless man, who +was nothing to her beyond her husband--she with her gorgeous demands +upon life! No doubt her departure had been already arranged with the +person who had sent her the money she had shown her father and she had +been glad to seize upon any pretext. However, he thought it right to +assure Mr. Kettering that Cleo's accusations against him were +entirely false and that, as regards his conduct towards her, no +reproach could be made to him. + +"You've no need to tell me that," said Mr. Kettering, "I never for a +moment doubted you. You know, sir," he added, "you're quite welcome to +make my home yours so long as it suits your convenience." + +Morgan replied that, as Kettering was probably aware, he had no money, +but that he was anxious to earn some, however little. Could he not do +so by learning to set up type? + +Kettering looked hard at him, and Morgan bore the gaze without +flinching. + +"I can see you mean it," he said, "so we won't waste time discussing +whether you're serious. Now, Mr. Druce, I don't know who you are, and +I'm not going to ask you any questions. I flatter myself I've got some +little skill in reading faces, and I knew from the first that you were +a gentleman, and one with his heart in the right place. Now don't +think I'm taking liberties, sir, but I should like you to think the +matter over again and see whether you would not do better to +communicate with your family and friends. I don't want to know how you +came to have the misfortune to marry my girl, but I feel that as a +fellow-man I ought to ask you to reconsider your position. Maybe your +folk are fretting and anxious about you. I'm only a plain man, but I +think I can lay some claim to common sense, and believe me I only +venture to speak to you like this because I respect you." + +"I do intend communicating with my people," said Morgan, touched by +the old man's sincerity and thoughtfulness, "but I want to earn my +bread all the same. That is essential." + +"I understand," said Kettering. "You want to feel yourself stand on +your own legs. Yes, that's a fine thing to feel. Well, as I said, I +like your face and I trust you. I hope you're not vexed at what I +ventured to say." + +"On the contrary," said Morgan, "I am sincerely grateful to you for +having said it." + +Kettering's face beamed, and its benevolent quality grew more marked. + +"A boy apprentice is supposed to take seven years learning the trade, +sir, but we needn't get discouraged about that. A man anxious to +learn, with his wits about him--" + +"I am anxious, and I have my wits about me," put in Morgan. + +"Well, after three months he could make himself deuced handy." + +Kettering's mild oath was simply intended by way of encouragement. + +"You see," he went on, "once you'd learnt the lay of the case, you'd +soon get your hand in for straightforward setting, and then if you +didn't mind exercising your muscles, you could do a bit of pulling at +press. And a man of your education, sir, might turn his knowledge to +account in proof-reading. Not that there's much scope for that sort of +thing, sir, in my little business. But it's just an idea we might keep +in mind. There's no knowing what might come of it. Now I'm not going +to omit the business part, sir. I know you must be wanting to hear +about that, and I know you'd prefer to make a bargain on a strict +business basis. Perhaps you care to make a suggestion." + +"I am too ignorant for that. I want you to give me just what I am +worth and no more. Of course, I know that I shall not be worth +anything for some time." + +In a few minutes they had arranged everything in such a way that there +should be no obligation on either side. Morgan was to live in the +house. A wage was to be put to his credit from the beginning for all +work done by him that was of use, at the regular "piece rates," and +such work as "pulling at press" and "clearing," which could only be +estimated by time, was to be entered at time rates. Of course his +earnings at first would be very small, but they would increase from +week to week. On the other hand, an agreed weekly value was put on his +board and lodging, which from the first would be charged against his +earnings. And when eventually the wages due to him had overtaken the +amount thus due by him, he should get the weekly balance in cash, or +he might then, if he preferred, board and lodge where it pleased him. + +Morgan was touched by old Kettering's sympathetic comprehension of his +needs, but when he sought to give expression to his thanks, the old +man would not listen. + +Mark entered just then, and, the situation having been made clear to +him in a few words, readily agreed to have Morgan by his side in the +workshop, and to make of him a sort of protégé. + +The whole interview had consumed barely half an hour, and Morgan went +out just as the journeymen were returning for their afternoon's work. +He had arranged to begin in the morning, since they had a heavy job +to get finished that afternoon, and could not spare a moment to +initiate him. Mark, however, said he would teach him the lay of the +case that evening from a diagram. Kettering, before he left, said he +would make it his business to give the girls to understand that they +must treat him with respect, but begged him to ignore them in case +they should misbehave, winding up with his oft-expressed conviction +that all women-folk were crazy, and it was a mistake to take them +seriously. + +However, Morgan troubled himself little about the girls; they had no +terrors for him now. An exquisite peace came upon him. It was many +years since he had had the feeling. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +He was not sorry to have the afternoon free, for it gave him the +opportunity of writing long letters to Helen and to his father. He +felt he owed it to both to make them understand his changed attitude. + +"One real critical moment in a life," he went on to write to Helen, +after narrating all that had occurred up to that very moment, +"suffices to work changes that may seem almost miraculous. I am not +going to say that the prophecy you made just to encourage me a little +is going to be fulfilled. Happiness is not for me--I have lost the +essential factors of that. But a cheerful acceptance of life, a full +use of each day, a consciousness of submission to a healthy +self-discipline, must bring me a healthy sense of worthiness. + +"Of course you will see that my making the payment of Cleo's debts a +sort of goal will enable me to test my strength. Once I arrive at the +goal, I shall be able to hold my head high. I have done the one and +only thing, and it was good for me that the means were so near at +hand. And so I hope to have your approval both of my determination and +of my returning you this bank-note. I have still eighteen-pence in my +pocket, and Mr. Kettering says I can draw a few shillings whenever I +feel in need of them. + +"I dare say my donning an apron and holding a composing-stick +must at moments seem quite comic to you. Viewed by itself, it no doubt +_is_ comic. But it isn't a fact to be looked at by itself. It is a +fact which has a relation to my whole existence--in the past, present, +and future--and must be strictly viewed in such relation. + +"I don't know why I should mention this except that I caught a sudden +glimpse of myself as a workman and found myself smiling. Every life +must have its critical moments, and I feel that I have just passed +through mine. I have come out with different conceptions of things; +moreover, I seem to have found the key to the scheme of my existence, +and, though as yet only in a haunting way, to understand the +underlying principle, working through all my dreamings, my failures, +my mistakes, and my folly, towards my redemption." + + +In the letter to his father he necessarily had to condense a good +deal, as the ground to be covered was so extensive. And some instinct +urged him to be silent about his attempt at suicide. He told briefly +of his marriage, which he described as a sort of a jump with his eyes +open he had suddenly been impelled to take. He had fallen on a place +astonishingly different from what it had appeared to him, for he had +been the victim of a mirage, through which the force of his impulse +had taken him into underlying abysses. He went on to describe Cleo's +failure and his own awakening; how they had gone to Dover, how Cleo +had left him, and why he was remaining there now. He likewise included +a message for the Medhursts, but asked his father not to tell them his +whereabouts. It would be sufficient if they were assured all was well +with him. It was an odd fancy, but he wanted to have the feeling that +he was hiding from them. + +He had been too touched by his father's letter not to be frank and +sincere, as indeed he would have been in any case, and he only omitted +to say how close he had been to his end because he shrank from giving +pain. + + +"There is one thing in particular I want to ask you," he concluded, +"and that is not to be tempted to come here to see me. If you really +do sympathise with my motives for the life I have chosen, you will +understand my fear that a meeting between us now might unnerve me. I +know it is a great thing to ask you to be satisfied with the knowledge +that I am well and cheerful, and that, my wife having left me of her +own accord, I have nothing to reproach myself with in my conduct to +her from beginning to end. But I want to begin my new work and submit +myself to the new discipline. So much for me depends upon it that, +though I am strong and confident, I must not run the risk of being +distracted from my purpose by forces that are stronger than I. Where +the issue is so great--as it is, according to my conception of +things--it is but natural I should distrust myself a little. The year +is just half gone. Give me the opportunity of testing myself and of +inuring myself to the discipline with no other encouragement save the +knowledge of the worthiness of my purpose and the goodwill and +approval of whoever understands me. I want to stand alone for the +present--isolation brings out every atom of strength in me. Then, +perhaps, when the new year comes and I shall have had the strength to +stand firm, I may be able to look you in the face." + +Helen, in her reply, would not agree with him that he had lost the +essential factors of happiness. She still stood by her prophecy. She +understood and entered into his every feeling, and approved of his +plans unreservedly. The ten pounds she had given to a starving man. + + "I wanted to celebrate your choice between life and death, and + the dawn of your new era, by making a human being happy, if only + for a little while. You should have seen his face when he + understood all that lump of money was really his. What emotions + must have stirred in him! He must have thought that the age of + miracles had come again. It gave me the sensation of drinking + some ethereal brand of champagne--it was to your happiness, of + course, I drank. + + "I was aware, from the beginning, that you were beset with + dangers from your own temperament and disposition. But perhaps, + after all, it is best that your temperament should have worked + itself out its own way. You will emerge the better and the + stronger for it in the end, and then, when you do come into your + happiness, you will be able to appreciate it with your whole + being. But I must own to a sense of guilt--I might have been a + truer friend to you had it not been for my selfish love for you. + You have yet to forgive me for that. + + "It rather vexes me that I cannot do more than just look on and + see events shape themselves inevitably, like a spring uncoiling. + I should so much have loved to be the good fairy of your life. + But, alas! that cannot be, since its very inner force is its own + good fairy. + + "P. S. I have managed to write you a whole letter without one + flippant phrase. Which is certainly a proof that your admonition + to me not to look upon you, in apron and shirt-sleeves, picking + up type, as a comic picture has made a due impression on me. I am + seeing you the whole time as a sort of glorified, idealised + workman, enveloped in a mystic halo, and standing for the dignity + of labor and the nobility of man. By the way, I have met Miss + Medhurst. I had quite a thrill as we shook hands! And she had not + the slightest idea I was of any special interest, more than any + other casual person she might meet. Strange dramatic position, + was it not? Of course, I never want her to know about me. Which + reminds me, I am rather alarmed lest your mood of confession + should have led you to make me known to your sire--I hope not. + And please don't. May I come to Dover for a day now and again in + order to see you for ten minutes each time? I have decided to cut + Scotland and pass August at Folkestone instead, just lounging on + the beach and reading novels. Please say 'yes.' + + "P. P. S. I don't like the idea of my rôle being limited to + writing you amusing letters. Won't you allot me a more active and + satisfying part? Would it not be a good idea for you to appoint + me your 'London agent?' Suppose you give me the list of your + creditors and remit me your money as soon as you have a decent + instalment put by. You could leave the distribution to me. The + workmen should be paid first, of course. I shall arrange to + ferret them out, which, I think, will not be difficult, as most + of them are, no doubt, attached to the theatre. It would make me + so happy if you said 'yes.' After all, one's life, when once its + conditions are settled, and its allotted tasks performed, really + reduces itself to inter-relations with a few chosen personalities, + and everything else becomes a mere background against which one + lives. It is the few who occupy one's central consciousness and + make one happy or miserable. You will see, therefore, how + important to me this apparently little thing will be." + + +His father's reply was brief and to the point. He thanked his dear son +for listening to his prayer, and was happy to hear that everything was +now well. As to the irreparable mistake, that, of course, must be +faced and lived down. He would respect Morgan's wishes and not seek to +see him for the present. Directly he had received Morgan's letter he +had sent a long telegram to the Medhursts, which he was now +supplementing by a letter. They had telegraphed back, asking him to +convey to Morgan their love and hoping they might hear about him from +time to time. "You have made me understand a good deal to which I have +been blind," he went on. "You were never an ordinary lad; you had +special needs, as has every lad of any individuality. I should have +sought to comprehend them, instead of trying to drive you along the +ordinary lines. No wonder there was a discord--a jarring and a +clashing. God speed you, my dear son, and with all my heart do I wish +you success in doing that which you feel to be right. For the present, +good-bye!" + +When Morgan wrote again to Helen he prayed her not to come just yet. +His mood was desperately set on isolation, till he could feel he had +tackled the task before him and made substantial progress. He hoped +she would not alter her plans, as she had meditated, but he gladly +accepted her services as "London agent." There was little chance, +though, of his being able to send her the first remittance for several +months, by which time she would probably be back in town. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Meanwhile Morgan had settled down "at case" and was patiently learning +to pick up the "stamps." He was initiated into the mysteries of ems +and ens, of leading and spacing and making-up. Racks and galleys and +wooden and metal "furniture" played a large part in his dreams; +turpentine, paraffin and machine-oil, roller composition and inks +became the breath of his nostrils. By an effort of concentration he +would never before have been capable of, he made rapid advance, +Kettering generously letting him do such work as he could do most +effectively, so that his wages' account mounted week by week. The +close attention his work demanded made mind-wandering and aimless +thinking impossible; but as time went by and he found himself +acquiring skill, his enthusiasm grew, and he threw himself into his +new occupation almost with frenzy, taking a sort of savage +satisfaction in the grey grime of the workshop with its soiled wooden +fittings, and in the silent companionship of his aproned co-workers. + +He filled up his time at every department of the trade, +learning--besides type-setting and proof-correcting--to take the +gas-engine to pieces and to clean it, to help to make ready "formes" +on the machine, to mix inks, to clean rollers and to work at press, +either as inker or puller. But the grime had no power to enter into +his spirit, though some slight suggestion of his occupation began +eventually to show itself in his face. His hands, too, suffered +severely, for soft white hands get quickly ill-used in a printer's +workshop. + +Still smarting under a long lecture from their father, Alice and Mary +had at first taken care to confine conversation with him to trade +exigencies; but after a few days they had grown to accept him as part +of the household, and were civil to him again. Mrs. Kettering liked to +get him to herself of an evening and talk to him for two hours at a +time. Kettering himself would fidget a good deal at such times, but +scarcely ventured to intrude, though apparently his greatest delight +was also to converse with Morgan. But Mrs. Kettering showed no such +scruples about entering into the conversation and eventually taking +Morgan captive, being entirely without respect for the fact that her +husband was in legal possession. In either case Morgan's contribution +to the conversation rarely exceeded one-fourth of the whole. + +Mark continued taciturn as ever, though his enormous mustachios seemed +to grow constantly, as if benefitting by the energy that should have +gone into speech. Sometimes he would accompany Morgan on a long walk, +and on such occasions Morgan would try to discover the secret of his +personality. He learnt after some difficulty that Mark regarded women +pretty well as so many demons put on this earth to entrap men's souls. +He however had to confess he hadn't formed this opinion from outside +experience, but then, he added, he had taken good care to steer free +of the sex. He was satisfied to do his work and smoke his pipe--a +veritable pipe of peace. + +This philosophy, however, only represented one-half of him, though its +few simple facts had had to be elicited in little bits, buried in +irrelevances, and as there were apparently numbers of such little +bits, the process of extrication had been a somewhat painful one. Nor +did the other half come as a single revelation. It was also conveyed +in little bits, which Morgan had to dig out and piece together and +these bits were more difficult to find than the others, for they were +infinitely tinier. Mark had once been in love, but had been too shy to +let the object of it suspect it, or, rather, he had not known which +way to set to work, and the prize had been snapped up by another. + +Of course, Morgan's thought sometimes indulged in flights that had +little relation to the workshop or to the processes of printing, but +only within strict and narrow limits. These he further narrowed by +giving up a great part of his leisure to the perusal of such technical +books as Kettering possessed. Cleo still figured largely for him. She +had been too big and important a fact in his life to lose her place as +yet in the centre of his consciousness. But even had he the power, he +would not have attempted to gather any intelligence as to her +movements, though he could not help speculating somewhat on the very +point. Should she ever return into his life again--and he could not +make up his mind as to the probability of her doing so--then would be +time enough for him to concern himself with her practically. + +And amid all his toil, he had ever a sense of something light and +dainty, something he was aware of as a haunting, unseen presence. And +then at moments there gleamed upon him the wistful fancy that, beneath +all the phrases and arguments with which he had equipped himself for +the battle, it was really his love for Margaret was helping him to be +strong, that it was the hope of his one day attaining to be worthy of +her friendship was aiding his self-purification, that it was the flame +she had lit in him had now sprung up again, defying all the mean +elements by which he was surrounded to eat into his spirit. + +And once the fancy had come to him, he nurtured it, so that it grew +and grew and became part of his very self. If, indeed, it had not been +truth when it had first come to him, it was truth now. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Strolling out one evening, about the end of August, to cool after the +heated atmosphere of the workshop, Morgan was dreaming a beautiful +vain dream. He had gone half way down the shorter St. Margaret's road, +and in the distance rose the square church-tower. For the last two or +three minutes he had been conscious of people a few yards ahead of +him, and, as their slow stroll was yet slower than his, he had been +getting nearer and nearer to them. Now his eye rested half vacantly on +their backs, and the perception forced itself upon him that the three +backs were those of ladies; and the next thing that dawned upon him +was that there was something familiar as well as pleasing about the +carriage, the curves, and the movements of those backs, still some +twenty paces ahead of him. But he was still dreaming of Margaret, and +these perceptions from the outer world were not strong enough to +destroy the images in possession of his mind. He was quite close on +them before he became aware that he had stumbled on Mrs. Medhurst, +Margaret, and Diana. + +Though conscious of them, he had, in his abstraction, almost walked on +them in the narrow road, making them turn instinctively. He knew he +was trembling visibly as he stood face to face with Margaret, her +figure flashing on him for a moment like a divine vision; then he saw +nothing and felt a fire burning at his temples. + +"Morgan," said Mrs. Medhurst's sweet voice, and the cloud of things +passed away, and he became aware her arm was supporting him. + +"So we know your hiding-place now," sang out Diana. "Why wouldn't you +let my old sweetheart tell me? I'm sure I'd have got it out of him all +the same had he been in London." + +"Morgan doesn't even offer to shake hands with us," said Margaret in +soft suggestion. + +Now that the encounter had been made, he pulled himself together to +face it. He felt shame-faced and altogether unstrung, and he knew that +the instinct that had made him insist on isolation had been fully +justified. He was over-conscious, too, of the stains on his hands as +he held it out. And yet beneath all his discomfort there was a full +tide of immeasurable happiness. He could not speak yet. His throat +swelled--the emotion was too overpowering. Here again was Margaret, +the real Margaret, by his side, talking to him! + +His eyes took her in greedily. Under the large straw hat, with its +poppies and corn, her face showed exquisite, a face that might float +tantalisingly across a painter's vision, and vanish after but allowing +him the merest glimpse. Though she was clad in a simple dark blue +serge dress, the grace of her figure seemed to him a revelation, and a +ravishing sprig of cornflower peeped from her waistband. There was a +repose, too, and a gentleness in her bearing that made him think, by +contrast, of his Cleo, and of the uncouthness of Alice and Mary when +they attempted to be stately. + +Perhaps the very thought seemed to call out to him in warning, for, +suppressing a sigh, he tore his eyes away from her. + +"Why couldn't you let us know?" persisted Diana, who had been +evidently much put out by the failure of her artful letters to seduce +Archibald into giving away the secret of Morgan's whereabouts. + +Mrs. Medhurst and Margaret both looked at Morgan and smiled, as if to +convey to him that _they_ understood his motives, and to indicate that +Diana was not in the secret. Diana's quick eyes, however, noted the +movement, though she said nothing just then. + +"I had reasons," said Morgan, vaguely, feeling he must make some sort +of an answer to so definite a question. + +"We are staying at St. Margaret's," explained Mrs. Medhurst, "and we +have been taking a stroll along the cliff-path. It began to get too +dangerous, so we climbed a fence and cut across somebody's ploughed +field, and then through a common, till at last we got on to this road. +And now we're wending our steps homeward. You, Morgan, I suppose, are +wandering after the labours of the day?" + +He felt they were talking to him in as simple and natural a manner as +if they had but parted the day before, under normal circumstances; and +he was grateful for this delicacy that abstained from embarrassing him +and made the meeting an easy one for him. + +"The beauty of the evening tempted me," he said, growing more at his +ease. + +"And shall not our beauty tempt you as well," suggested Mrs. Medhurst +laughingly, "to come and see our humble cottage. It is a quaint +place. Mr. Medhurst bought it and we furnished it ourselves." + +"Do come, Morgan," put in Margaret persuasively, as if some instinct +told her he was going to hesitate. + +He knew that battling against the temptation would be hopeless. He +seemed to be walking with angels in the last flood of the evening +sunlight, and something of the divine calm of evening came over his +spirit. He was borne along, gently, gently, till all the sense of the +day's toil behind him fell away. The cool air breathed on him, and +fluttered the blades of grass on the common, and shook the purple +wild-flowers that grew along the wayside. It was laden with the odour +of the sheaves that were spread over the fields amid the brown +stubble, and seemed to waft to him something of the elemental poetry +of the great mother Earth, of the informing spirit of religions of +antiquity, of the human joy in the harvest festival, of the symbolic +cornucopia, of the grateful offerings of first-fruits. + +With a rare understanding of his emotions, they referred no more to +him or his work, but plunged at once into their holiday adventures, so +that he also was carried away from himself. Diana was learning to +swim, and was as full of the subject as she had once or twice, +according to her own account, been of sea-water. Margaret's +enthusiasms were all for boating, and she took the others out whenever +the sea was smooth enough to soothe her mother's fears. The cottage, +too, was such fun that they never grew tired of it. And then there was +a field near at hand where they had a tennis-court marked out, and +where Diana and Margaret kept the ball going between them. + +It did not take them long to reach St. Margaret's, and they entered +their cottage just as the sun was on the point of sinking. Morgan, now +abandoned to his adventure, was delighted with the curiously-built +place, with its tiny hall, on one side of which was the little +drawing-room, and on the other the dining-room. The walls were boarded +and the ceilings were low, rough and whitewashed. Sketches and prints +were hung in profusion, nooks were draped, and wicker and quaint +chairs and knick-knacks were arranged in a charming disorder, whilst +books were scattered everywhere. A piano loomed huge in the crowded +little drawing-room. And all this had been achieved, whispered Mrs. +Medhurst confidentially in his ear, by the outlay of an incredibly few +pounds. + +Morgan had an enchanted couple of hours, handling the books, listening +to Margaret's playing, and admiring Diana's skill with the mandoline, +which her many-sided caprice had taken up of late. He joined them in +their evening meal for, according to their rural regime, they dined at +two and supped about nine. The dining-room opened direct into a third +inner room, which mysterious place Morgan judged to be a kitchen; for +the cottage was built long and low. + +When eventually he rose to go, they bade him good-night with the same +implication of normality. It almost seemed they were taking it for +granted he would come again on the morrow. But he knew their omission +to give him a definite invitation was dictated by their feeling for +him; that they did not wish to seem to intrude on the life he had +chosen, but were leaving it to him to decide. + +He strode off through the gathering darkness on the hour's walk that +would take him back to Dover. The colour had not quite died out of the +west, and, as he watched the violets and the cold blues and the pearl +greys fading with the strange, lingering light on the distant horizon, +his feeling of the evening just passed brought back to him the echo of +some lines in the poem, from which Helen had once quoted to him: + + "It lies in heaven, across the flood + Of ether, as a bridge. + Beneath, the tides of day and night + With flame and darkness ridge + The void..." + + +He had the sensation of being in the middle spaces now, floating down +towards earth again from some rare ethereal region, to which his +spirit had mounted. + +Perhaps, too, of Margaret might it be true, as of the Blessed Damozel: + + "... she cast her arms along + The golden barriers, + And laid her face between her hands + And wept." + + +He recalled now what his father had written in his first letter about +her shutting herself up in her studio and her pretence of being at +work on a mass of wax. The hint of her suffering had been almost +intolerable to him then; and he knew that, in spite of all her gaiety +to-night, the wound had not healed. He pictured the four of them +sitting in the shaded lamp-light of the little drawing-room, and, as +the echo of the music she had played surged again in his ears, he +seemed to feel behind it a strange, ineffable sadness, as one might be +conscious of the dark depths of a moon-lit stream. Her every movement +rose before him again, giving him the sense of pain suppressed for his +sake. + +He had abandoned himself to the charm of the evening--it had been so +wonderful to him! But now his vision seemed to have grown keener, to +be piercing deeper. His memory of each moment was marvellously clear. +How vivid still was the picture of Mrs. Medhurst bending down into the +light, when he had noticed how the gold was fading out of the still +beautiful hair. In the haunting memory of her sweet face he seemed to +see now an under-expression of anxious pity and love. + +Perhaps now that the pressure was relaxed, Margaret had stolen up to +her room and was sobbing passionately to a silent world. + +They seemed to beat through him, these sobs! And then Mrs. Medhurst's +face again seemed to be with him, and the knowledge that his father +had loved her in the olden days seemed to bring her closer to his +heart. He stood still and threw out his arms in the darkness, with the +vain yearning fancy that perhaps she might be there, that perhaps she +might take him to her. + +"Morgan," sang out a voice by his side. + +His arms dropped and his heart beat painfully, and, though in a moment +he had perceived it was Diana had overtaken him in the gloom, he could +not recover himself. + +"Why, you're crying!" she exclaimed, as her hand stole into his. "And +so is she. That makes a pair of you. I'm sure I don't know what it's +all about, but it's enough to vex a saint. Something mysterious has +happened and nobody will tell me a word about it. And I dare not ask +Margaret. I tried it once, and it just started her off crying--I +thought she'd never stop!" + +He did not answer her. He but held her little hand tighter, aware that +the contact made his own seem coarser. They moved on together. + +Suddenly he checked himself. "You must not come any further," he +began. "I must see you back." + +"Tell me first what has happened," she persisted; "Why have you become +a workman?" + +"I cannot and must not tell you. Besides, you could never understand." + +"I understand a good deal more than you grown-up people think I do. +Why can't you leave off being a workman? And why don't you come and +marry Margaret? She's awfully in love with you, and so are you with +her--you know you are!" + +"Yes Diana, I know I am," fell from his lips, and immediately he +regretted the words. + +"Then come back now and tell her," said Diana, tugging at him as if to +make him turn. + +"But look at my hands," he said, half in jest, half in earnest. "See +how rough and stained they are! I shall always be a workman, and I +shall always be very poor." + +"Margaret doesn't care anything about that," she protested. "She's not +that sort of girl. Do come back, please, Morgan. Mamma's reading +downstairs. I'll steal up to Marjy and tell her you're waiting for +her. If you stand under the window, I'm sure you'll hear her crying. +Come along, Morgan, you can take ever such a nice walk together, +and----" + +"And,"--he echoed stupidly. + +"Oh, I was going to say I'll be glad to get the pair of you off my +hands." + +"I'm afraid that pleasure will have to be postponed indefinitely," he +observed. "And now, Diana," he added, as sternly as he could, "you +must be going back home without me--that is, I'll see you safe to +where the houses begin." + +"Morgan, you're a brute!" she answered with equal sternness. "But I +mean to get to the bottom of this mystery all the same. I'll make a +bet with you. How long do you give me to find out?" + +"Ten years," said Morgan. He had now turned back with her. + +"Ten years!" she echoed mockingly. "Why there'll be any number of +olive-branches by then. Yours, of course, I mean." + +"Diana! You are a very wicked girl." + +"Well, I'm fourteen. That's quite old enough to be wicked, isn't it? +Good-night, Morgan." And she suddenly sped ahead, and before he could +recover from his astonishment she had become a shadow amid the +darkness. + +He strode after her, though he had not the least anxiety for her, as +they were not yet a mile distant from the cottage. From the speed with +which she kept ahead of him, it was clear she was determined to elude +him; seeing which he contented himself with keeping within range of +her. + +When, eventually, he turned towards Dover again, it was with a +feeling of half-sorrow that he should have happened to take that walk. +Strong and firm as he was, he was not strong enough to endure such +ordeals. He had winced most whilst Diana had been speaking to him. And +then the figure of Cleo came up again. Cleo, to whom he was married! + +In the depression that now came upon him, a friendship with Margaret, +even years hence, seemed an impossibility to him. She might remain +with him as an ideal figure, but the real living Margaret was too +dazzling for him to look upon. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Morgan did not venture again to take any walks to the east of the +town, though he dwelt with pain on the possibility of the Medhursts +hoping to fall in with him again. He could only trust that they would +understand, though from their point of view there might perhaps seem +no reason why he should avoid them so utterly. Had not the last +encounter been a success, they might argue, and had he not been +perfectly cheerful and, to all appearance, happy in their company? + +Once or twice he thought of writing to Mrs. Medhurst, but he could not +get down a word, and the pen dropped from his hand. + +He felt the effects for several days, a vision of that lamp-lit room +continuing to obtrude between him and his work, and the stream of +music still flowing from Margaret's fingers. His proofs were dirty and +needed much correction; and he even found himself setting up his +thoughts in type, instead of following his copy. + +However, he toiled on, almost with desperation, and Mr. Kettering's +respect for him and his abilities advanced greatly. He and Mark had +never ceased to call him "sir"; and Morgan, on his part, could never +cease wondering how such sterling character could exist side by side +in the same family with the general instability that characterised the +women. As for Alice and Mary, he had been so long now in the house +that an occasional quarrel with them signified nothing; in fact, that +was part of the routine of the life. + +About the end of the year he got his first chance in life. Mr. +Kettering had been very proud, indeed, of employing him, especially as +he had proved so apt a learner, and the experiment had entirely been +crowned with success. The old man had enlarged on Morgan's superior +culture to the traveller of a great London paper firm--himself a man +of some education--who had for many years been going abroad regularly +on the business of his firm, and who as regularly looked in for +Kettering's order. This Mr. Brett thus came to make Morgan's +acquaintance, discovered he knew Greek and Latin, and divined some +mystery was at the back of Morgan's present position. + +The direct result of this acquaintance was that, on the first day of +the next year, Morgan found himself installed as "reader" in a large +firm of printers in Upper Thames street, London, in which a brother of +Mr. Brett was the junior partner. He had thoroughly mastered the +business of proof-reading under Kettering's tuition, and his Greek and +Latin and general culture had done the rest for him, for there was now +scope for all of it in his new position. His salary at starting was +two pounds fifteen shillings per week, the same as that of his +predecessor, who had left the firm voluntarily. + +But even before leaving Dover he had had the satisfaction of being +able to send Helen a few pounds to pay some of the workmen, and she +had been able to make a satisfactory report to him. While she had been +in Scotland a couple of letters had passed between them which sufficed +for all they had to say to each other; and to his father as well he +had reported progress from time to time. Simon and Mark Kettering both +exhibited signs of emotion when the moment for parting came, and, +though they were sorry to lose him, rejoiced with him at his promotion. + +"And I can only hope," were Simon's last words, "that my daughter will +never turn up to worry you, and that, even if you forget her, you'll +sometimes think of us folk here at Dover. And, be sure, if you ever +find yourself in the town again, there's a hearty welcome waiting for +you at my house." + +In London, Morgan took a large, airy garret in Southwark, to get from +which to his work he had only to cross the bridge, and fitted it with +a narrow folding-bed and the few things he needed. He made his own +breakfast, had his dinner sent into the works at one o'clock from a +neighboring coffee-shop, had tea made for him by one of the girl +folders, and supped at home on bread and cheese. In this way he +managed to live and to dress neatly--patronising a very different sort +of tailor from his old London one--on a pound a week. Every penny of +the rest he put by rigorously. + +About this time he learnt that his father could not come to town yet, +as the winter was a severe one, and he had had a touch of rheumatism. +As Morgan had come to look forward to seeing him now, this was a +disappointment. Moreover, he had grown to take a keener interest now +in the affairs of the home. At one time it had occupied little part of +his thoughts, but now a finer sensibility to his domestic ties seemed +to have arisen in him. He was very much concerned about this illness +of his father's, the full extent of which, he had an idea, had been +concealed from him. Helen, too, he saw but once during his first month +in London, on which occasion he donned his best garments and went to +take tea with her. Though their friendship had been so long passive, +it was not less intense than heretofore. By some mutual instinct they +seemed to avoid discussing his personal concerns now, Helen receiving +him just as an old friend and as if there had been nothing in their +lives to make a special link between them. She seemed to have grown +somewhat graver in expression, and he was not sure that he did not +like her face better like that. She amused and cheered him, and, once +they had come together again, she insisted there was no reason now why +he should not come oftener. And so, on a rare Saturday afternoon, when +he was free, he would come in for an hour and listen to her pleasant +chatting. Only when he brought her money would she permit herself any +reference to his progress in life. + +Of Cleo he heard nothing. She had not made another appearance on the +boards, or, if she had, it had been in some obscure way. She intruded +into his thoughts often enough, and was still a reality to him when he +specially dwelt on her. But he was quite startled one day at suddenly +realising the rapidity with which she was becoming a far-off shadow. +There were moments now when he could almost believe that the whole +episode of his marriage had been the veriest product of his fancy. + +Frequently in the evenings and on rest days he would employ his +leisure wandering amid the regions in which his lot was now cast. For +the first time now he felt the mammoth city as a reality; for the +first time he seemed to comprehend it--what it was and what it +represented. In the days when he had trodden these same pavements +with Helen its aspect had been merely panoramic. Now he himself was of +it, a living and breathing unit of the multitude of toilers that +peopled these vast industrial quarters. His vision pierced the +swarming surface, the great grimy thoroughfares with their tramlines, +their miles of sordid shops, their windowed expanse of brick, dingy +and far-stretching, their serried lines of narrow houses. + +And then he would feel that a great sense of the spirit of human life +was passing into his blood. Leaping flashes of light came to him at +times, as he sat in his garret with the fused murmur of the world +surging in his ears, illumining for him abysses that had appeared to +him once dark and bottomless. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +It was early in March before Archibald Druce was well enough to come +to town. Morgan's working day ended at seven o'clock, and at that hour +Archibald called at the printing establishment, and the two went off +together. + +Morgan was excited, and he could see his father was. Neither had any +"news," since, in their exchange of letters, everything had already +been told. Still, they talked a little about the home, and then there +were further details of Archibald's illness. Both perhaps felt the +meeting was a trifle cold, but they knew the constraint would melt +away presently. + +"I haven't yet thought how we're going to spend the evening," said the +old man. "We must dine together somewhere. After that we might perhaps +look in at a theatre; it won't matter if we are late." + +Morgan, who had no alternative suggestion to offer, readily fell in +with this one, remarking that the dinner for him would be a rather +magnificent kind of supper. + +They eventually settled on a restaurant and ordered their repast. +Then, somehow, as they sat facing each other, their tongue-strings +seemed to get loosened. + +It was a long time since they had last met, and Archibald, who had +been full of his book then, now confessed he had put it aside for the +present. For several months past his mind had not been in sufficiently +fresh condition to enable him to work on it. Morgan remembered now +how he had suggested a title for it half in scorn, and even such small +remembrance was painful to him. He felt he had had something very like +contempt for his father's literary scheme, forgetting, in the +self-castigation of the moment, that at the time it had merely struck +him humourously, and that his sin had not been quite so heinous as it +now appeared to him. If the element of humour now coloured his vision +of things but very slightly, that was only natural to his present +stage of development. + +They lingered over their coffee, not rising till about half-past +eight. + +"Suppose you just come and sit with me in my room, father," said +Morgan. "If we have to decide on a theatre now, I am afraid we shall +be quarrelling the rest of the evening. Besides, I do not want to +acquire the habits of a young man about town. We can have a quiet talk +for the rest of the evening." + +"Yes, I should like to see your place," said his father. "It will +enable me to judge of your powers of graphic description." + +He was beginning to be more cheerful already and to show it. He took +Morgan's arm affectionately, and they went back to Upper Thames street +and crossed Southwark Bridge. + +"I hope the woman hasn't forgotten to lay the fire," said Morgan, as +he turned the key. + +A moment later he had lighted the cheap lamp and the room stood +revealed in all its bareness. A small table, three wooden chairs, the +little bed, a trunk in the corner, and a washstand, were insufficient +to make it look furnished, garret as it was. + +"I recognise the place," said Archibald, depositing his things on the +trunk. "It's quite large and airy. You are lucky to have only the +front walls sloping. But the window gives you a back view, so perhaps +I ought to have said 'back walls.'" + +Morgan lighted the fire, and the two sat down before it. + +"What have you in that cupboard just by you?" asked Archibald. "I feel +inquisitive. I must get up and poke about.... Coals and crockery," he +enumerated with slow unction, "a saucepan, a coffee-pot, a tea-pot, a +broom, and some exceedingly dirty dusters. My dear Morgan, what a +wonderfully compact place you have here; it's a miracle of +completeness." + +"I've given up coffee at night, but I make excellent cocoa. You shall +have some before you go." + +"Capital!" said the old fellow. "I'm enjoying myself immensely. This +is quite a picnic." + +"I am quite comfortable here," said Morgan, half to himself. + +"There's only one suggestion I have to make," said his progenitor, +"and that is you ought to have just a strip of carpet under your feet, +or a small rug would do just as well. Last year at home, now, I had +the carpet taken out of the drawing-room, in favour of a polished +floor, but, Lord bless you, I found myself doing nothing else but +sneezing, in spite of the odd rugs, for in a drawing-room you don't +just happen to think where you're standing. But here when you just sit +down at your table or by your fire it would be so easy to take care +you've got the thing underfoot. I must send you a rug to-morrow--you +know I owe you a birthday present." + +"Birthday present! I had forgotten there were such things in the +world. Thank you for reminding me, father. Such gifts, when they are +sincere, add sweetness to life. And it will be nice to have something +of yours here." + +The fire blazed up cheerfully. They sat a little while in silence. + +"When do you calculate you will get those debts paid off?" asked +Archibald at length. + +"Within three years, if all goes well," said Morgan. "I make a lot +extra sometimes, now. I did a little article for a magazine we print +and a little work for another journal. I am friendly with both +editors. Besides, my salary may improve. In fact, my hopes at starting +have been far exceeded." + +"And after that?" asked Archibald, looking at him with unconcealed +anxiety. It was evident it was a question he had been wanting to ask. +Morgan hesitated a moment, though his answer was ready. + +"After that I see no reason why I should not follow along the same +lines. I shall be on the high road to build up a career for myself, +and I have a feeling that I shall eventually branch off into +journalism, where all the knowledge and experience I shall have gained +will be of use to me." + +"Tell me, Morgan," said Archibald. "Have you abandoned your first +ambition entirely?" + +Morgan leaned forward towards the fire and rested his head on his +hands. For a moment he seemed lost in meditation, and then at last +spoke slowly. + +"There are times," he said, "when poetry still beats in my blood, when +melody comes to me hauntingly. Often, as I sit here brooding, there +surges up a full flood of I know not what, save that it is exquisitely +beautiful. And, as I walk through these long, grey streets, lined with +flaring market-stalls and massed thick with people, I seem to feel a +great throb, a living heart-beat, that speaks to me of humanity; and +what these bustling streets hold of humanness, of the warmth and +energy of life, comes to me like a flowing tide. The pain, too, I +feel; for there are odd, pathetic episodes. One catches sight of faces +pinched, starved, unrebellious, large-eyed children of six a-marketing +shrewdly with slender purses; and now and then a figure detaches +itself from the crowd and speaks a whole history. If there is much +pain and privation, much foulness and wickedness, there is also much +of the joy of life, of the ecstacy of overflowing animal spirits. +There are plague-spots, there are besotted critical jeerers at the +wayside with an aggressive sense of superiority to all unlike +themselves; there are half-grown lads and girls boisterously +foul-mouthed. But probe beneath the large, vigorous unrestraint, the +rollicking vagabondage of the streets, and you will find the +far-spread, steady--if colourless--respectability of the industrial +family. And at moments something grand, rugged, and passionate, a +roaring harmonic discord, seems to sweep though the reeking grime, +through the swarming boisterousness, through the magnificent +brutality, through the utterance of putrid tongues, through the grey, +lamp-lit atmospheres, as though man and his activities were but the +swirled symbols of a music played in high Heaven. And as I stand +listening, terrified yet thrilled, there seems to come a sudden lull; +and then I perceive a goodness showing through the rough-and-readiness, +sometimes blurred in the individual lives, sometimes inspired to a full +glow. Often its leaps and flickerings are irregular, inconsistent, +unpredictable. In the ruffian the spark is scarcely alive, but in some +rare moment it will quicken and show through tremblingly. + +"And all these perceptions to which I was blind before have wrought +their effect on me. They have fused into and strengthened the better +part of me. They make poetry in me, not such as I once wrote, but a +full-blooded, living poetry. You see, father, I have drawn inspiration +from all this reality. I have felt the true spirit of the universe in +this dense-packed encampment on the march of civilisation, this living +pattern in Time's kaleidoscope; the same spirit that lies behind the +green country and the sweet airs, behind a great idea, a noble deed, a +gracious woman. + +"And so I feel that I am fortified enough to defy all external +sordidness. The soiled lime-washed walls, the heavy grind of +machinery, and the tinged breath of the printing-house I am insensible +to; and with this result I am satisfied. I will not take up my harp +wherewith to gather harmonies from amid the discords of things, as I +feel it is in me to do. If such dream comes to me at times I know it +must remain a dream, for I must continue with my shoulder to the wheel +and do my full share of human labour!" + +He broke off. An almost sacred stillness followed his half-mused +speech, to which Archibald had listened with bent head. + +"Will you forgive me, dear Morgan, if I remind you of something?" said +the old man, breaking the long silence. "I feel you are the best judge +of your own life, and I do not mean to say a word that should make you +imagine I am trying to interfere with you. I only want to ask you not +to forget that we at home have claims upon you as well. We want to +have you near us a little, too. Your mother has been fretting about +you of late." + +"My mother!" said Morgan. "Is she aware of my existence? She never +cared about me." + +"But she cares about you now. Won't you come home to us when you are +through this--in three years' time, say?" pleaded the old man. "Your +end will have been achieved, you will feel sure of yourself by then. +And, to tell the truth, Morgan, I've set my heart on--your being a +great poet." + +Archibald looked down almost guiltily as he spoke. + +Morgan had a consciousness of the strange, complete reversion of the +position the years had brought about. + +"I could never, never consent not to live by my own labour," he said, +giving utterance to what, at the moment, he intensely felt to be the +one essential condition of existence for him. + +"Come now, surely we can get over that difficulty," said Archibald +eagerly. "I take it it is immaterial to you what work you do, so long +as it is of a kind in which you can employ your faculties. After all, +the principal point in your present occupation is the discipline it +affords and the habits of mind it is forming in you; all of which +could be employed in some other direction. It would simply be a matter +of your mastering a different set of facts for the different +employment, which you could do very quickly. Why not accept a +position in the bank? That would afford you an honorable livelihood, +and it would help you to be near us. Then perhaps some day, when you +feel you have lived down the old mistakes, you may be inspired to take +up your pen again. Mistakes! Why should they kill for ever the first +fresh ambition of your life? Mistakes! I made them, too, when I was +young. So has every man who is worth his salt. Of course, there's one +mistake you can't undo--you don't mind my alluding to it, Morgan. But +if you continue to face it as you are doing now--my God, Morgan! you +are suffering!" + +Archibald groaned heavily, then checked himself and put on as cheerful +a face as he could muster. + +"I meant to have proved to you," he continued, "that you scarcely take +a scientific--I had almost said an intelligent--view of your function +in life. The desire to live by your own labour is actuated by the very +proper feeling that you ought to be doing your duty in the social +organism. Your present work is equal to, say, three respectable pairs +of boots a week. That, you will admit, is a fair measure of your +utility. Now, if by becoming a great poet, you could give pleasure and +delight to thousands of your fellow-men, it seems to me your utility +would be fairly represented by quite a considerable number of pairs of +boots, and very respectable ones, too." + +"How it would have delighted me to hear you argue like that when I was +a boy," almost whispered Morgan. "Forgive me, father," he added +immediately. "I did not mean any reproach." + +"I admit my not arguing in that way at the time was one of my +mistakes. But I am sure you will yet be a great man. For the present, +however, I shall be content with your assurance that you'll come back +to the bank eventually. Gradually, perhaps, you'll fall thence into +the vocation you were born for." + +"I think I can promise so far as the bank is concerned," said Morgan, +slowly. + +"Thank you," said his father and bent down to warm his hands in the +flames, so that the light shone on his face. + +There was a silence. Scarcely a sound came to them here in this +lonely, bare garret. Morgan studied his father's face anxiously. How +silvery was the hair in places; and there were lines that had not been +there a year before. Both these signs seemed to accuse him louder than +any words. + +"Father," he cried, "let me come closer to you." + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +The next evening Morgan sat pretending to be reading a book, his feet +sedulously planted on a new Turkey rug, which struck a startling note +of colour and decoration amid the bleakness of the attic. At last he +closed the volume and let it fall wearily on his knee. The visit of +his father had tried him severely. He had been shaken by a storm of +emotion, and it had left him somewhat shattered. And now that +Archibald had departed, an aching sense of loneliness had come to him +such as only comes to the man who lives thus isolated. He had been +able to leave his work for an hour in the middle of the day, so that, +including his usual dinner interval, he had passed two hours in his +father's company and seen him to his train. The old man had been +miserable in town; he couldn't bear to be so near Morgan yet cut off +from him all day, and, since he was far from well and needed the +comforts of his own home, it was decided between them he should go at +once. + +At last Morgan threw down the book impatiently. He walked round the +room for a time, but could not rid himself of his restlessness. "My +soul is sick," he repeated again and again. "I need my friends." He +poked the fire and threw more coal on; he looked for awhile through +the panes of the window into the vague blackness of the March night. +And at last he bethought himself of getting ready his evening meal, +merely for the sake of concentrating himself on something. Just as he +was on the point of opening the cupboard, into which his father had +pried so jocularly, there came a timid tap at the door. + +"Come in!" he cried, not quite certain that there _was_ anybody there. + +As his invitation seemed to be complied with, he instinctively turned +his head to view his visitor, who stood just within the door smiling +at him. + +"What! Margaret!" he cried, as his head almost swam. + +She closed the door softly and advanced into the room. + +"I've just come to pay you a visit, Morgan," she said laughingly. +"Please say it was nice of me to come. What! Aren't you going to shake +hands with one of your oldest friends?" + +He was not quite sure that his brain hadn't given way, and that her +presence was not a mere manifestation of the fact. He had never been +able to trust himself sufficiently to go near the Medhursts. +Sedulously keeping to the London south of the river and to the +immediate vicinity of his work--save on his rare visits to Belgrave +Square--he had run but little risk of encountering any of them or, +indeed, any other acquaintances. He was aware the Medhursts knew he +was in London and employed by a large firm, but they had never been +told the exact details of his whereabouts. However, he found himself +shaking hands with Margaret but too bewildered to say anything. + +"What a strange expression in your face, Morgan! It seems to ask any +number of questions, but I can't make out whether it looks pleased or +angry. At least be polite enough to make me welcome. It's nice and +warm in here, so I think I'd better take my jacket off." + +"You don't give me time to recover my breath, Margaret. Of course, you +are more than welcome, but I am not good enough for you to visit. +Come, take a chair by the fire." + +"You not good enough! It is simply wicked of you to talk like that. +But why are you rubbing your eyes? I believe you think I'm a phantom." + +She removed her jacket and also her hat, instinctively throwing them, +as Archibald had done the evening before, across the trunk. Then she +smiled at him again in lovely reassurance that she was real flesh and +blood. She had on a soft woollen dress of that favourite silver-blue +in which she always looked her best. She wore a bunch of +forget-me-nots at her waist, and a little knot of the same flowers at +her throat was fastened with a small, lyre-shaped brooch, set with +pearls. There was just a touch of creamy lace at her wrists and +throat, and what dainty little tendrils of golden hair lay on her +forehead! + +"Your chair is very hard," she exclaimed, jumping up almost +immediately. "I think I'll sit on the bed instead." + +"You won't find that much better," he said, drawn into good humour by +her briskness, and charmed that so exquisite a presence should grace +his attic. + +"It's miles better," said Margaret. "But you still look puzzled. Isn't +your ingenuity equal to the task of guessing how I found you out?" + +"I don't know, unless Diana's old sweetheart paid you a visit +yesterday," he answered smiling, as he spread the new rug under her +feet. "But he certainly said nothing to me about it this afternoon +when I saw him off." + +"He was probably afraid to let you know he'd been weak enough to yield +to our blandishments. I had an idea you were living in a garret--the +garret always seems to put a sort of hall-mark on genius. It's a very +nice garret, too. I like mine better, though--it's a lump larger." + +If the pure pleasure of being near her began to predominate, it was +certainly not unaccompanied by the pain that was always with him +because of his vain love for her; so that his entire feeling was a +rather mixed and undecided one. He could not quite abandon himself to +gladness at her coming, and perhaps the very unexpectedness of it +aided this emotional embarrassment. + +"Have you been working much of late?" he asked, that being a natural +question to follow her reference to her studio. He was, indeed, +relieved that the conversation had got on so definite a tack and that +she had not alluded to his avoidance of her family or reproached him +for it. + +"I'm just doing a little group of greyhounds. I'm going to exhibit +them at the Academy. It's such a bother and such fun, too! I've got +over the worst part now. The big mother and two little ones playing at +the side of her make twelve legs and three tails--quite a forest of +them. I had no end of trouble to get a good composition. But the chief +bother was with the models. The dog would never keep still, and I had +to keep on moving my wax figure just as it moved. Sometimes it would +turn upside down, and then I had to turn my work upside down as well. +Do you know what I should like to do, Morgan?" + +"I don't, but I should like to." + +"I wonder if you'd let me make a bust of you! I want to very much." + +"Why?" he asked, without meaning that exactly, but only by way of +surprised exclamation. + +"Well," she smiled, "I just want to. I could have an old bench brought +up here and a lot of clay. If you sat to me, say, for a couple of +hours every Sunday morning, you'd begin to recognise yourself after a +time." + +He was powerless to refuse. With her speaking to him, he became as +passive as the clay she moulded. He knew her power; perhaps that was +why his instinct had led him to elude it. + +"That is really good of you, dear Morgan," she exclaimed, while her +eyes sparkled with honest delight. + +Time was, perhaps, when seeing her thus he might have taken her hand. + +"But don't look as if you already regretted making the promise," she +went on to protest. "I assure you it won't hurt a bit; not any more +than having your hair cut. By the way, why do you wear your hair so +short? Oughtn't a poet to have long, noble locks? They come out very +effectively in clay, those long, noble locks. I hope I'm not making +your bed too hard. Come now, Morgan, are you still so heavy-hearted? +What can I do to make you merry?" + +"Take supper with me," he responded quickly, with an atoning flash of +briskness, the while he upbraided himself for oppressing her with his +dejection. "It will be a real Bohemian supper." + +"How nice! I'm dying with hunger." + +"In here, I mean," he explained. "I make my own supper." + +"I know. We heard all about the inside of that cupboard." + +"You won't mind sitting on the hard chair?" + +"No. What's the menu?" + +"Bread and cheese and----" + +"Not beer, I hope," she interrupted hastily. + +"And cocoa," he finished. "Do you mind keeping house here for two +minutes whilst I run down to get the milk. We have a dairy two doors +away." + +He returned in a moment and she helped him to set out the table, for +which there was no cloth. + +"This chair _is_ hard," she said again later, when she had been seated +on it some little time. "I must send you a soft chair, Morgan. I +haven't given you a birthday present this year." + +"Indeed, you must not. Such luxuries are out of place here, and you +ought not to try to spoil me." + +"But, dear Morgan, you've a lovely rug, and I'm sure you ought to have +a nice chair to keep it company. You've your guests to think of now. I +must have something to sit on when I come and so must your papa. I'm +willing to admit my suggestion was not quite a disinterested one; in +fact, I'm prepared to be perfectly unscrupulous so long as I carry my +point." + +"I'd better yield before you get so far as that. Only, of course, the +chair shall be used exclusively for my visitors." + +"Oh, you must sit on it sometimes, as well." + +"Well, let us not quarrel about it." + +"Of course we're not going to quarrel about it. We're going to be the +best of friends now, aren't we?" + +"I never dared dream----" he began. + +"Dreaming hasn't anything to do with it. It really isn't at all +necessary, so the omission need not count. All along I've had the +feeling as if you were thrusting me back away from your life, and I +have always wanted to count for something in it, if ever so little. +Won't you let me now be of some help to you? It is wicked of you to +continue in this terrible solitude. I feel that you've promised to let +me come here and model you really against your will; don't deny it, +Morgan--your face spoke only too plainly. I should be standing here +and talking to you, but you would be as solitary as if I had never +come. I want to break down that stupid barrier between us; I want you +to believe in me, to trust me and to show me you trust me." + +"It is myself I dare not trust. Such a friendship needs strength, and +I am not strong enough, Margaret." + +"Then you must find the strength, Morgan. Weakness is an unmanly +excuse, and you are a man." + +"You talk like that because you still do not realise what it means for +me to--to----" + +He hesitated. + +"Go on," she said. "I am strong enough to listen." + +There was a silence, but she knew he was collecting his scattered +forces. + +"To be friends with you," he went on determinedly. "You say that I +kept you at arm's length. That is true. But then you don't know what +my life has been--you never did really know even when we were close +together." + +"Tell me then, Morgan. Make me understand why you kept me at arm's +length. I do not know how you came to marry so suddenly, what woman +you married, or why she left you. I want to know all about her. Tell +me, if it doesn't hurt you too much. Perhaps it will hurt you less +after you have told me." + +"I have kept you at arm's length, Margaret, because I loved you. I am +struggling now to keep you at arm's length because I still love you. +Dare you stay here and listen to me after that?" + +She looked him straight in the face. + +"I dare, Morgan. I want you to know me as well as to love me. If you +had understood me, you would neither have thrust me back nor would you +be struggling to do so now. You no doubt always considered me just a +pretty girl, who thought and acted always as becomes what it called a +young lady; a colourless, conventional creature, without any judgment +or emotions of her own; just a white sheet of paper with a name +written across in beautiful lettering; a simpering thing in petticoats +who must smile and blush just at the right moments and be perfectly +proper at all times; who must never act unless she has a fixed rule to +guide her; who is supposed to understand nothing at all of real life; +for whom human beings are reduced to a strange uniformity, the men in +their evening dress so simple, so nice, so attentive, so easy to +understand, the women--but then such a young person is not supposed to +concern herself with the women. That, I'm sure, is the sort of girl I +appeared to you, Morgan. I am sorry that, so far, I cannot take your +love for me as a compliment. You saw me as a painter might see a +model, and perhaps you enshrined my image as a sort of poetic fancy. +You loved me as an unreal spirit. But I am not what you thought me; I +am a real person. I can think and judge for myself, and I can be +myself. That is why I have had the courage to come here to you, and +had I known earlier where you were I should have forced this interview +on you long ago. And this despite the fact that you are married, that +you love me and that I--love you. I have the courage to face the +occasion, to outrage convention where convention makes no provision +for the needs of the particular occasion. I know that, despite all, we +can be very dear friends. Only trust me a little, Morgan, learn to +know me better, and I am sure you will trust me altogether. Make an +effort to be strong and perhaps I may help you." + +And so Morgan poured himself out to her, told her all; and, if at +times he faltered, she bade him go on, she would not blush. + +The recital was a long one. Interruptions and discussions were +frequent; they were also making pretence to sup. Neither remembered +the flight of time. + +"Of course, I have known the bare facts for a long time," said +Margaret, "but only in a very vague way and in a very puzzling one. +There was so much left to my imagination, and it bothered me so much +to fill up the blanks. And so you are working to pay off her debts. I +know it feels awfully nice to earn money for one's self. Do you know +that I'm quite rich. Guess how much I made last year by my modelling?" + +"How much?" he asked. + +"Eighty-seven pounds, after paying all my expenses," she exclaimed. "I +wanted to pay for my own frocks, but papa wouldn't let me. And so +I've got it all and I don't know what to do with it; at least I know +what I should like to do with it." + +"But surely papa wouldn't disapprove of your doing what you liked with +it?" + +"Oh, papa wouldn't disapprove," she said, colouring a little, "but I'm +afraid you would." + +"I? You're not intending to buy me a silver chair with jewels set in +it, are you?" + +"I thought you might pay some of those debts with the money and let me +be your creditor instead," she said hesitatingly. "Of course, you +would pay me back as you saved enough, just as you are doing now with +the others. And it would be a sort of symbol of the new footing on +which we start from to-day." + +"Dear Margaret," he said, "please don't try and press that on me. It +won't help me in the least, as you see yourself. Besides, what need +have we of a symbol? I want you to believe in the new footing just as +much without it. And then," he added, in a gayer note, "there is +another reason why I can't allow you to have such ideas. Heroines +always do that sort of thing, and it's quite too conventional for +you." + +She laughed and did not persist, though she had coloured still more. +And just then she bethought herself of the hour and drew forth her +tiny watch. + +"This is being wicked with a vengeance!" she exclaimed. "I really must +be going back." + +"You must let me come with you, else I shall be nervous all night and +my hair may be grey by the morning." + +"Part of the excitement of the adventure was to come alone and to go +alone. But as I can't have your hair turning grey----" + +"Do they know at home where you were going?" he asked, as he helped +her on with her jacket. + +"I didn't tell them, but I dare say they'll guess, and I mean to let +them know anyway. I'm going to leave you these," and she unfastened +the bunch of forget-me-nots and put them on the table. + +He saw her to her own door; it was long since he had set foot in +Wimpole street. She gave him a long comrade's hand-clasp, saying: "We +had a charming Bohemian supper. You have made me happier to-night than +I have been for years." + +He turned away as she rang the bell and he walked all the way back to +Southwark. Now that he had taken her into his life at last, he seemed +to have unburdened himself of some overwhelming weight. Margaret knew +everything at last, understood everything, and loved him through all. +His self-distrust had made him keep himself hidden from the Medhursts, +but she had helped him to find and know his own strength. She was +right. He was strong enough to accept her friendship. + +Though he would have to be at his desk at the usual hour in the +morning, he could not go to bed at once. The flowers she had left +seemed to fill the room with sweetness. And something of lightness and +fragrance seemed to remain with him, to be flitting here and there +with the silence of a phantom, to be hovering in the air, to be +bending over him, to be nestling close to him. Then, as he closed his +eyes dreamily, Margaret seemed to float before him. He was aware of +her eyes, her hair, her voice; he saw her just as she had sat there +with her face and hands showing exquisite against the silver-blue of +her dress, and the forget-me-nots at her throat and waist. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +In the autumn of the third year of Morgan's engagement with the Upper +Thames street firm of printers he found himself with enough money to +pay off the balance due to his one remaining creditor. There had been +a good deal of method displayed in the order in which he had enjoined +Helen to settle the debts, and this particular firm had been left to +the last because it had received a goodly sum in the first days when +Cleo was using up their ready money. + +It was Saturday, and he had just got away from the works. He had been +intending to take this last instalment to Helen that very afternoon; +but the idea came to him that he would rather enjoy the sensation of +making this last payment in person, and he proceeded immediately to +act on it. + +Arrived at the business place of the firm, he explained to a clerk +that he wished to clear off an old matter, and recalled the occasion +to him. The man looked surprised, and went to consult his principal. +An old ledger had to be looked up, and then Morgan was informed the +account had been settled very shortly after the closing of the +theatre. The principal now remembered the circumstances perfectly. A +cheque had come from a certain firm of solicitors in the West End, +much to his surprise. After some further searching the clerk was able +to tell Morgan who these solicitors were. + +This last piece of information simply corroborated what he had at once +suspected. Helen had carried out, without consulting him, the very +same suggestion that Margaret had once made to him, and was keeping +the sums he had been sending her from time to time. He understood, +though, that she must have done it mainly for the sake of the actors +and workpeople. + +He said nothing to her of his discovery when he called at Belgrave +Square a couple of hours later, but just handed her the money, which +she quietly placed in a drawer of her escritoire. + +"And now I have to congratulate you, Morgan," she said. "You have +shown the stuff you are made of. Tell me, how does it feel?" + +"I feel extraordinarily light-hearted," he admitted. + +"I'm sorry," she said, and looked it. + +He stared at her. + +"There is a story of a hungry peasant gorging himself on bread and +cheese, and, when he couldn't eat any more, they brought in the +stuffed geese and other delicacies." + +"Well?" + +"Stupid! the stuffed geese and other delicacies have yet to come in. +If the coarser part of the feast has made you so joyful, the rest will +be wasted on you to-day." + +"I feel more stupid than ever. Still, my capacities for storing away +joy are unlimited, and, what is more, I shall appreciate every crumb." + +"Very well." She took up a journal from the table near her. "Let me +read you this paragraph: 'In the course of the coming session an +extraordinary case will be reached in the Divorce Courts. The +petitioner is a lady of title belonging to one of the noblest and +oldest families in the kingdom, and the respondent is a well-known +novelist and dramatist. The parties were married barely three years +back and the wedding was much discussed at the time. It is rumoured +that facts of a strange and sensational character are likely to come +to light at the trial, and the occasion will not be the first one on +which the petitioner has figured in the same Court.'" + +She passed him the paper--it was a gossippy society weekly--and he +read the paragraph again. For a moment quick vague flashes seemed to +rise in his brain as from a vain attempt to strike a flint; then light +came to him. + +"Ingram and Cleo," he cried. "She went back to him!" + +"Precisely," smiled Helen. "You will remember my lamenting I could not +be the good fairy of your life, because things were already destined +to work themselves out for your happiness. You see now I was a true +prophet." + +But a sort of dizziness came to him on account of his stumbling +efforts to think, to trace the significance of things. + +"Don't faint, please. I'm only a helpless woman, and I'm sure I +couldn't rise to the occasion. Perhaps I've been too precipitate. I've +made you swallow the whole stuffed goose at once." + +"I'm not so sure that my personal life is going to be affected by it," +he began. + +"Stuff and nonsense!" she cried. "Your proceedings will be reduced to +the utmost simplicity. There will be no defence at all. I have been, +watching affairs patiently for three years now, and what has happened +was bound to come. Do you know who sent your Cleo those bank-notes she +had at Dover? Do you know where she went directly after leaving you? +There is a certain house in Hampstead you know quite well. It has a +room in it with a fountain, and really pretty hanging lamps, and +peacocks on the windows. Well, she immediately took repossession of +it. And very glad her rightful lord and master was to have her back +again! The distraction of his affections by the engrossing interest of +ambitious matrimonial schemes had been only temporary. As for his +wife--well, about the living one should be silent unless one has +something nice to say. Therefore I'll say nothing about her. Before +long, Morgan, you'll be a free man, and a certain chapter of your life +will be erased. Fox & Kraft are an excellent firm of solicitors--almost +a pity to employ such steam-hammers to crack such a very simple nut." + +"You are going along much too fast, Helen. You know I am leaving Upper +Thames street next week; it is an old promise made to my father. I +must consult him first. Of course, I shall be glad to have this +meaningless tie that binds me to Cleo cut right through, and for ever. +But I do not care to let my happiness rest on such a basis. Margaret +and I shall remain friends and nothing more." + +"Stuff and nonsense!" she cried again. "Your father is too wise a man +not to agree with me. And so I am quite content you shall abide by his +counsel. Otherwise I'd have to force you into happiness even if I had +to do it by threatening suicide, and you know my threats are not idle +ones." + +"I shall be guided by my father," he conceded. "But don't overwhelm me +so much, please. My emotions at this moment are much too complex for +my understanding." + +"Then let me give you some tea. It will put all your notions--and your +emotions--in order." + +The tea certainly did soothe him. He had never known that the beverage +could be so delicious. + +"How did you find out about Ingram and Cleo?" he asked suddenly. + +"Oh, that was very easy. The moment I heard she had bank-notes I had a +very strong suspicion of the truth. As I was eager to learn whether I +could be your good fairy, I had that house watched. When my suspicions +were corroborated I waltzed round my room sixteen times, and, you may +be sure, I was determined never to lose sight of your Cleo for a +moment. But my task was not a difficult one. That delightful room +seems to have been as fatal to her imagination as she was to yours. +She made some desperate attempts to leave it; twice she crossed to +America and made obscure appearances on the boards, and once she +sojourned in Paris for several months. But all in vain--she _had_ to +go back and sit on her gilded couch. Do you know, I rather like her; +after all, she has never tried to turn to account her connection with +you, Morgan. She's no mere vulgar adventuress. There's something +really taking about her. But I'd like to slap her sisters. When do you +leave for the country?" + +"A fortnight hence, I hope," said Morgan. "But I am rather vague about +what immediately is going to follow. In a general way it is understood +that I am to work in the bank, which is precisely what I refused to +do thirteen years ago." + +"Thirteen years! That is a good stretch out of a life," said Helen, +with a half sigh, "Time flies. I scarcely realise that I am thirty-six +already. And the years seem to bring nothing but perplexity and +embarrassment at the increase of my fortune. It is perfectly +meaningless and absurd to me, this monstrous fortune. I feel I haven't +any right to it; though, as I derive no happiness from it, that +feeling ought not to give me very much concern. Happiness depends on +one's personal relations with others--a few others, that is--and +though I shake hands with a vast crowd, I have no close personal +relations; not, at least, in the sense in which I understand the +phrase. A sort of subtle fusion must accompany. I should have +preferred to leave my fortune to you, Morgan, but I knew you wouldn't +like to benefit by my death, so I have disposed of it otherwise." + +He looked hard at her. + +"Why this sudden lugubriousness?" he asked. + +"Well," she said enigmatically, and the enigma was repeated in the +accompanying shrug of her shoulders. + +He seemed, however, to pierce beyond the smiling placidity of her +expression, and to be aware of something that chilled him, of +something that seemed to say: "There are such things as broken +hearts." + +"You've never had the life you deserved to have, Helen," he cried. + +"There have been those who have envied me. My biography would read +like a record of every earthly happiness. I am the daughter of a rich +country gentleman with whom I have always been on the best of terms, +only agriculture bores me rather. I was presented to my sovereign at +seventeen. I danced and rode and flirted and was supposed to be having +a good time, and a Baronet thought he fell in love with me, and did +really marry me. I have always had a big house, a big income, a +position in society. What more can a woman want? Well, all these +things do not constitute the personal life. The remembrance of the +whole course of my personal life is a vivid one to me, and it seems to +have run through all these things like a thin thread of silver through +a mass of stuff. Looking back, this swirl of the social world, its +functions, its movements, the acquaintanceships it brought me, seem to +me all strangely unreal. I seem to be aware of a large, swarming +vision, amid which I have lived. But nothing of it has ever in-mingled +with my real sense of happiness or misery. Fortune, society--these are +not the essentials. The essentials are the same for all ranks, and it +is on those that personal happiness depends. Up to the age of +twenty-five even a clever girl may delude herself into thinking that +the hearty fun and enjoyment she may be extracting from her +circumstances and her position in the world are really what make +happiness, but if she have real brains, a clear vision and quick +sympathies, she will inevitably stifle in her atmosphere of mere +pleasure. She will not continue to set store on her material +advantages, on the stage accessories by which she may be surrounded. +She will long for something else--and most often not get it. If I had +only been penniless and had loved and married a man who had all his +fighting to do yet! I should have lived beside him, conscious of being +helpful, of being valued for what my companionship meant to him, with +a sense of my dignity and worth as a human being. Instead, I was born +rich, I married a man who had no fighting to do, and so I was a mere +mate to him. I was but a child and there was no one to warn me. +Everybody about me was stupid, enslaved to ideas that are rotten at +the core! We dangle baubles before our children and poison the fresh, +pure fount of humanity. Thus it is I have been a waste and useless +force in the world. If it had only been decreed to me to have children +of my own, I feel sure I should have been a better woman than I am." + +Her voice died away in a strange sweet murmur. In her face there came +a look as of holy meditation; her eyes shone with a light of yearning. + +"I am tired of England," she resumed in a moment. "I shall be going +away before long. I want to find some secluded spot near a lovely +Italian lake, where I may stay and rest indefinitely. Perhaps for +years, for I am very tired. I shall wait till I see your happiness +completed, Morgan, even though this may be our last meeting. Till then +I dare not go; you are not to be trusted to take the happiness that is +within your grasp. You know I claim to be a connoisseur of women, and +I am perfectly satisfied that you shall marry your Margaret. That is +the highest compliment I could pay her. There is that indefinable, +unseizable something in her face which reveals the whole personality, +and it won me immediately. We have met three or four times now, but, +of course, I do not figure sufficiently in her consciousness that she +should mention me specially to you. One thing I am grateful to you +for, that you are respecting my wish that she should not know we have +ever been friends. After all, I am only a sort of imaginary figure to +whom you come and talk, and I haven't really counted in your life. You +know I have a weakness for mysticism, and I like to think of myself as +a sort of phantom that just accompanied you on your way a little and +perhaps helped you a little at a critical moment and then disappeared. +So promise me Margaret shall never, never know." + +"She knows everything but that," he replied. "It hurts me to make the +promise, but I understand why you wish me to. Besides, I must look on +this one reservation from her as the penalty--the lingering symbol of +the past. But there is now one thing I should like to mention, Helen, +and that is, I want to recur to that money, the five hundred pounds I +borrowed of you. You see I have tasted blood." + +"When you feel you can spare the money, dear Morgan, I should wish you +to do some good work with it. Seek out those who may need it--a +struggling student, a starving poet, a brave orphaned boy or girl +toiling to support the younger children. Save some human being from +despair, and restore his faith and hope. That is the best repayment +you could make me. And now there is one thing I should like to ask +you. Do you think----" + +She hesitated. His look bade her continue. + +"Well," she continued, smiling a little. "I was going to ask you to +kiss me--a real kiss--if you thought your Margaret could spare me one. +You have never given me a real kiss, Morgan, and it would be for the +last time." + +She looked down almost demurely. For sole reply he took her in his +arms and their lips came together. Gently she disengaged herself at +length; and, as the hot tears fell from his eyes, he felt impelled to +fall on his knees and cover his face with his hands. + +When he looked up again he was alone in the room. His sobs broke forth +afresh as he divined why she had left him. + +A moment later he stole from the house. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +The bell rang again and the passengers' gangway was hauled up on to +the pier. Morgan leaned against the deck-rail and looked westwards +towards a point where the Dover cliff rose highest and then swept +round. It was at that spot had begun the new ordering of his life +which had at last culminated in the great happiness of to-day. + +On a deck-chair close by his elbow sat Margaret. As he shifted his +position a little his eye caught sight of a dainty ear and a soft +cheek, gleaming exquisite through her veil against the golden brown of +her large velvet hat and of the stretch of velvet mantle. + +"Morgan, dear," she said, pulling him playfully by the sleeve, "brides +are supposed to be too excited to eat on their wedding day. So I was +when I woke up, and I didn't eat any breakfast. And now the fresh air +makes me as hungry as a hunter. Do get me something nice, please." + +When he came back, the mails and luggage had been got on board. The +water began to seethe and foam away from the paddle-wheels, and, with +a pleasant hoot, the boat steamed away. And then, as Morgan leaned +against the side, he fell a-musing on many things, all woven in a web +of wonder at his happiness. Different parts of his life flashed at +him, all out of order and irrelevantly. How near, too, had he just +passed to the Ketterings! Cleo's father rose before him again with +his greying hair and his good face, bent, aproned, and in corduroys, +just as he was wont to stand in the Dover workshop. He remembered the +kindly invitation the old man had given him when they parted, and he +felt touched as he now called to mind the letter he had received from +him on his ceasing to be his son-in-law. "I am glad to know you are +free from her, and hope you won't think me an unnatural father; but +she never tried to win my affections, whereas you won them without +trying. I do hope that at no distant day you will marry a true lady, +who will make up to you for the past. I know what you must have +suffered." + +He had been concerned about Cleo, and had so overflowed with pity for +her that he had scarce had the strength to take the step that had made +his happiness possible. But he knew that she was quite well and happy, +living at the same house where he had first seen her, and that it had +been perfectly indifferent to her whether she were tied to him or not. + +And now his old fancy came to him again that he could trace a distinct +unity in his life, as though it had been moulded by a guiding Power. +As Helen had said, the inner spring of his life had been its own good +fairy. + +And as he looked at Margaret again, the dream that had sometimes come +to him did not now seem so unrealisable as it had in the old days when +he had been cut off from her. The burning of his old manuscripts had +marked his sense that his ambition was utterly dead. But he had never +regretted the burning. And now he even rejoiced at it. For, by toil +and discipline and facing the fulness of the living world, he had +attained to a clear sanity, to a just sense of values; the romantic +blur of his early poetic vision clarifying into the strong +definiteness of the Real. Assuredly he could now no longer write those +nebulous, elusive word-harmonies. Nor for him the mere æsthetic +toying, the dainty piece of colour-work; but poetry that should throb +with vitality and humanness. From dream poetry he had passed to dream +life. Now that he had won his way to true life, was he not, too, to +win his way to true song? + +To be a voice whose enchantment should echo down the ages, whose +never-dying melody should accompany the generations on their toilsome +way, ever fresh, ever sweet for human hearts! + +So did he dare to aspire again, and in his fancy it was Margaret's +spirit that floated on and on for ever, her fragrance immanent in the +songs he should sing! + +The sea was radiant with sunlight. A soft wind breathed in his face. +The dwindling town nestled lazily in its valley, and the line of white +cliffs stretched on either hand. And as Margaret's voice spoke to him +again, something of her sweetness seemed to rise and rest on the +spring world. + + +THE END. + + + + + THIS LIST EMBRACES NEARLY + + FIVE HUNDRED AMERICAN COPYRIGHT BOOKS, + + _BY THE BEST AND MOST POPULAR AUTHORS._ + + All handsomely bound in cloth, with gilt backs, suitable for + libraries. + + _The Publishers, on receipt of price, will send any book on this + Catalogue by mail, postage free._ + + G.W. DILLINGHAM CO., Publishers, + + 33 WEST 23d STREET NEW YORK. + + + + Mary J. Holmes' Novels. + + "Mrs. Holmes' stories are universally read. Her admirers are + numberless. She is in many respects without a rival in the world of + fiction. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre> +<p>Title: Cleo The Magnificent</p> +<p> The Muse of the Real</p> +<p>Author: Louis Zangwill</p> +<p>Release Date: June 23, 2009 [eBook #29207]</p> +<p>Language: English</p> +<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> +<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT***</p> +<p> </p> +<h4>E-text prepared by David Edwards, Stephanie Eason,<br /> + and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> + (<a href="http://www.pgdp.net/c/">http://www.pgdp.net</a>)<br /> + from digital material generously made available by<br /> + Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries<br /> + (<a href="http://www.archive.org/details/toronto">http://www.archive.org/details/toronto</a>)</h4> +<p> </p> +<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;" cellpadding="10"> + <tr> + <td valign="top"> + Note: + </td> + <td> + Images of the original pages are available through + Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries. See + <a href="http://www.archive.org/details/cleomagnificento00zanguoft"> + http://www.archive.org/details/cleomagnificento00zanguoft</a> + </td> + </tr> +</table> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> + +<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/i1.jpg" alt="Cleo the Magnificent by Louis Zangwill" /></div> +<p> </p> +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Contents"> +<tr><td><a href="#BOOK_I">BOOK I.</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.I">Chapter I.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.II">Chapter II.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.III">Chapter III.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.IV">Chapter IV.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.V">Chapter V.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.VI">Chapter VI.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.VII">Chapter VII.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.VIII">Chapter VIII.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_I.IX">Chapter IX.</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr><tr><td><a href="#BOOK_II">BOOK II.</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_II.I">Chapter I.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_II.II">Chapter II.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_II.III">Chapter III.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_II.IV">Chapter IV.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_II.V">Chapter V.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_II.VI">Chapter VI.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_II.VII">Chapter VII.</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr><tr><td><a href="#BOOK_III">BOOK III.</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.I">Chapter I.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.II">Chapter II.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.III">Chapter III.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.IV">Chapter IV.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.V">Chapter V.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.VI">Chapter VI.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.VII">Chapter VII.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.VIII">Chapter VIII.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_III.IX">Chapter IX.</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr><tr><td><a href="#BOOK_IV">BOOK IV.</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV.I">Chapter I.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV.II">Chapter II.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV.III">Chapter III.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV.IV">Chapter IV.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV.V">Chapter V.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV.VI">Chapter VI.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_IV.VII">Chapter VII.</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr><tr><td><a href="#BOOK_V">BOOK V.</a><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.I">Chapter I.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.II">Chapter II.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.III">Chapter III.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.IV">Chapter IV.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.V">Chapter V.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.VI">Chapter VI.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.VII">Chapter VII.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.VIII">Chapter VIII.</a></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 1em;"><a href="#CHAPTER_V.IX">Chapter IX.</a></span></td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 2]</span></p> +<p><strong>MR. LOUIS ZANGWILL'S WORKS.</strong></p> + +<p><strong>A Drama in Dutch.</strong></p> + +<p><i>Spectator:</i> Certainly a book which has not merely cleverness but real +vitality.</p> + +<p><i>Speaker:</i> Deliciously original ... and told with great spirit, humor +and dramatic vigor.</p> + +<p>"T. P." in <i>Weekly Sun:</i> What a delightful creation Mrs. de Griendt +is! Indeed I should have personally been glad if we had had more of +her.... I think the reader will agree with me that I have not +exaggerated the literary merit of this exquisitely-described scene.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p><strong>The World and a Man.</strong></p> + +<p><i>Academy:</i> A masterful novelist.</p> + +<p><i>Illustrated London News:</i> One of the cleverest novels of the day.</p> + +<p><i>Pall Mall Gazette:</i> Finely told.... It is an achievement in a high +form of art.</p> + +<p><i>Daily Chronicle:</i> It contains many passages which the greatest +masters in the same <i>genre</i> might have been proud to have written.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p><strong>The Beautiful Miss Brooke.</strong></p> + +<p><i>Brooklyn Eagle:</i> A brilliant bit of work.</p> + +<p><i>Detroit Free Press:</i> He has analyzed with ability and finish.... This +is a story to be admired for its discernment and its originality.</p> + +<p><i>Boston Beacon:</i> The story is thoroughly entertaining and well done, +... and in analysis of character, force, and directness, it exceeds +the author's previous essays in fiction.</p> + +<p><i>Chicago Record:</i> Very few recent novels which have come out of +England will compare with this story in two points—absolute +conciseness of form and analysis of motive.... Here is a theme of +vital truthfulness and Mr. Louis Zangwill has dealt with it with the +hand of a master of form....</p> + +<p> </p> +<p><strong>A Nineteenth Century Miracle.</strong></p> + +<p><i>Academy:</i> As tantalizing a problem as was ever bound in cloth.</p> + +<p><i>Pall Mall Gazette:</i> As tangled a skein as ever the brain of Gaboriau +evolved.</p> + +<p><i>Daily Chronicle:</i> We have seldom read a better piece of +mystification.</p> + +<p><i>Morning Leader:</i> It would probably defy the most ingeniously +imaginative reader to make in the course of the story even an +approximate leap toward the heart of the miracle that Louis Zangwill +has wrought for his astonishment.</p> +<p> </p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 3]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CLEO_THE_MAGNIFICENT" id="CLEO_THE_MAGNIFICENT"></a>CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT</h2> +<h2> </h2> +<h2>or</h2> +<h2><i>THE MUSE OF THE REAL</i></h2> +<h3>A Novel</h3> +<h3>by</h3> +<h2>Louis Zangwill</h2> +<h2> </h2> +<h3><span class="smcap">Author of "The Beautiful Miss Brooke," "The World and + a Man," Etc., Etc.</span></h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h3>NEW YORK:<br /> +<i>G. W. Dillingham Co., Publishers.</i><br /> +<span class="smcap">London: Wm. Heinemann.</span></h3> +<h3>MDCCCXCVIII.</h3> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 4]</span></p> +<h3>Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1897, by<br /> +G. W. DILLINGHAM CO.,<br /> +In the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington, D. C.</h3> +<h3> </h3> +<h3><i>Cleo the Magnificent.</i></h3> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 5]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BOOK_I" id="BOOK_I"></a>BOOK I.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 6]</span></p> + +<hr style="width: 25%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 7]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.I" id="CHAPTER_I.I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + + +<p>It was past midnight, and both men were smoking leisurely by the study +fireside. Morgan Druce sat just on the edge of a low chair, his long, +slim body bent forward, his clean-shaven boyish face well within the +glow of the fire. Though he appeared to be looking at it, he was only +conscious of its warmth.</p> + +<p>Robert Ingram, middle-aged and bearded, lolled back in sensuous +comfort. "The long and the short of it is," he resumed, "you've a +soul-crisis on just at present. Crises are bad for the digestion, and +I took care to grow out of them long ago."</p> + +<p>"Our temperaments are very different," said Morgan.</p> + +<p>"That's what makes your case so difficult to meet," returned Ingram. +"It's your infernal temperament. One never knows how to take it. In +fact, you're the sort of person in whose existence I never really +believed; for though, as you know, I once had ideals and a literary +conscience, I was always aware they would go as soon as I had a market +for everything I could manufacture. You are the genuine incorruptible +artist, to whom art<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 8]</span> is sacred. I really don't know whether to be +doubtful of my cynicism or your sanity."</p> + +<p>"That my case <i>is</i> a pretty bad one I've already admitted," put in +Morgan.</p> + +<p>"Now, if you were only some poor devil who was alone in the world," +went on Ingram without heeding his remark, "I could take you in hand +and make something of you, for you've quite brains enough. Poor devils +are generally more reasonable in their views than you, even when +they're geniuses. You simply keep on wearing out your heart day after +day. Why? For fame? What is it worth? Well, I won't answer the +question—I deal quite enough in platitudes."</p> + +<p>"You don't understand, Ingram. What do you really know of me?"</p> + +<p>"Well, if I don't know you by this time, you must be an uncommonly +deep person—or perhaps I am an uncommonly shallow one."</p> + +<p>Morgan Druce did not answer. His last remark had been more of a +reflection than an interrogation. What did Ingram really know of him, +he asked himself again, despite the five years of the indefinable +relation between them? Admitting that the man beneath the cynic was +kindly and sympathetic, yet he could not but be aware that Ingram's +treason to the aspirations of his youth had destroyed the finer edge +of feeling. His vision did not respond to subtler vibrations; his +judgment was broad and coarse.</p> + +<p>Such was Morgan's intuition about Robert Ingram. He believed the man +to be sincere with him and he trusted him. And yet, as he looked up +now and saw Ingram, relapsed into his luxurious arm chair, blowing<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 9]</span> rings of smoke, he seemed to detect something in his expression that +filled him with a vague distrust about the genuineness of his +professed interest in him. There was a sort of swagger in his whole +posture, a slickness about his well-dressed, well-fed body, and a +self-satisfaction in his somewhat burly face, nay, even in the manner +his fat fingers held his fat cigar, that set Morgan wondering for the +first time whether Ingram's attitude to literature did not in truth +sum up the whole man; whether that popular novelist and dramatist +could really have a place in his heart for anything that was of +unimportance to his own personal existence—for a poor devil of a +poetaster, for instance.</p> + +<p>It was one of those sudden doubts that are created by a chance glimpse +from an accidental new point of view; and Morgan thrust it from him as +absurd and unjust. It could have no foundation, else why had Ingram +responded to his appeal at the beginning? Why had he tolerated his +calls all these years? Why were they talking together in that room +now?</p> + +<p>He had often been puzzled about this relation between them, though, as +with his friendship with Lady Thiselton, its very strangeness and +originality pleased him. His relation to that charming woman was, he +felt, both indefinable and incredible; and his relation to the man +beside him, though less odd, could be included neither in the category +of acquaintanceship nor in that of friendship. Morgan was ignorant of +Ingram's personal life, even as Ingram was ignorant of such a large +fact in his own as Lady Thiselton. Their coming together had been +always on the ground of their one common interest; otherwise there was +the most absolute mutual exclusive<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 10]</span>ness between their existences. True that Morgan's periodical appearance at this Albert Gate flat, of which Ingram had made for himself a luxurious bachelor's home, had +eventually resulted in a certain frankness of speech and familiarity +of manner between them. But here their intercourse began and ended.</p> + +<p>Perhaps Morgan had all along seen the position a little bit out of +perspective; the very freedom with which Ingram had come to unmask +himself before him and the intimacy with which they addressed each +other had perhaps misled him. The cheery breeziness of Ingram had +attracted him a good deal from the first, and he had liked the man for +the ready good nature he had displayed towards him. And altogether it +had been easy for him to think that he had done more than just rub up +against the surface of Ingram's life, the depth and fullness of which +he had scarcely realised.</p> + +<p>At the beginning he had looked upon his being allowed to come and see +the older man now and again as a privilege. It had never struck him to +look at these visits of his from the other's point of view. It was +precisely this point of view that now forced itself upon him as he +struggled with the suspicion that had come to him. Had Ingram looked +upon him merely as somebody who deserved to be good-humouredly +tolerated? And was his openness only due to the consciousness of his +(Morgan's) being an outsider, into whose ears he had got into the +habit of speaking thoughts he would have told to no other living +person, pretty much as he might have written them in a diary? Such a +habit was easy to acquire with regard to an outsider whom one came +into contact<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 11]</span> with periodically, and with whom one had a long talk each +time.</p> + +<p>He was not pleased, however, that such a train of thought should have +come to him, and, urged by something akin to remorse, his mind went +travelling back over the past five years in search of arguments in +favour of Ingram.</p> + +<p>There was a long interval during which both smoked in silence.</p> + +<p>"Do you remember," asked Morgan, at length, "the circumstances under +which we first became acquainted?"</p> + +<p>"Perfectly," responded Ingram. "You wrote me a long letter, a rather +pathetic one. That was the first intimation I had of your existence."</p> + +<p>"Did you destroy that letter?"</p> + +<p>"I never destroy letters—compromising ones, of course, always +excepted."</p> + +<p>"Then I may assume it still exists. Would it give you very much +trouble to find it now?"</p> + +<p>"I pride myself upon my system," answered Ingram.</p> + +<p>"Please put it to the test, then."</p> + +<p>"Your system is excellent," admitted Morgan, as at the end of about +five minutes Ingram held up the sheets in triumph. "Now I wonder if +you'd read it to me. I want to hear how it sounds."</p> + +<p>"Certainly, you amusing beggar," said Ingram. "You wrote it during +your last crisis and you want to compare your feelings then with now."</p> + +<p>"I forget what I wrote," said Morgan, with an attempt at gaiety. "It +must be very dramatic, so please put the proper expression into it, +just as if it were a passage in one of your plays."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 12]</span> "Dear Mr. Ingram," read out that gentleman. "For nearly six years I +have been trying to live by writing verse—ever since I was seventeen. +Six years of passionate hope and longing, failure and failure, all +years of wandering in the desert, of groping in the dark. I know no +one—no one to criticise me—no one to encourage, to blame, or to +praise; only the voice of purpose in my breast. Amid loneliness this +passion for fruitless labour has grown strong, frenzied, blind. +Perhaps one day I shall penetrate—if I live. But for life one must +have food; for work one must have shelter. At twenty-three one does +not want to die; not when one has lived always in the future, when one +has striven and toiled for recognition that may yet come. Not mere +recognition of genius or talent, of knack or gift, but recognition of +Truth as opposed to Imposture, of my right to life, of my right to +give free and full expression of the individuality that is mine.</p> + +<p>"As matters are now—I am utterly friendless so far as my inner life +is concerned—I can see no other end than fall. God knows what shape +that fall is destined to take; into what mire my soul must plunge in +the fight for life. I could bear anything if I were not so utterly +alone and helpless. I would do hack-work if I but knew Grub Street. I +would sell my soul to a publisher for fifty pounds a year. Anything to +get my foot on the lowest rung of the ladder! Anything to help me on +the way to freedom!</p> + +<p>"If you could see me, speak to me, help me in any way! Believe me, I +do not wish to force my personality on you. I do not want you to give +me any material<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 13]</span> thing. I only beg of you to aid me in asserting my +claim on life by telling how I may win bread.</p> + +<p>"I should be deeply grateful for a word from you. In any case, pardon +this intrusion. Yours, etc., Morgan Druce."</p> + +<hr style="width: 40%;" /> +<p>Ingram drew a long breath and threw the sheets on to the table.</p> + +<p>"Have I read it nicely?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"And I wrote that—to you, Robert Ingram!" exclaimed Morgan, brokenly.</p> + +<p>"You did," said Ingram, quietly. "And you know what the sequel was."</p> + +<p>"You were moved by my appeal. You came to seek me out."</p> + +<p>"Well, your letter interested me. It was not the letter of a duffer or +a swindler—the sort of thing you can tell by its ornate pompousness; +and it just caught me when I was somewhat bored by things, so that I +rather welcomed it as an excitement. I expected to find you lodging in +some miserable cottage—a Chatterton in a garret. I came to bring food +to the hungry. Instead——"</p> + +<p>"You found me living in a palace standing in a fine park, with no lack +of loaves and fishes, of milk and honey."</p> + +<p>"It was the greatest surprise of my life. When I could no longer doubt +that the only people called Druce in the neighbourhood lived in the +magnificent Elizabethan mansion, whose name was that of the supposed +cottage from which you addressed your letter, I began to think the +family kept a skeleton in one of the cupboards. In plain language——"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 14]</span>"You thought one of the members of the family must be a lunatic."</p> + +<p>"Anyway, the champagne was first-class, the cigars were worth +half-a-crown apiece," said Ingram, laughing.</p> + +<p>"And when you had gone into the matter you thought that if I wasn't +quite a lunatic, I was not far short of one for disagreeing with my +father."</p> + +<p>"Frankly, I did."</p> + +<p>"You never really sympathised."</p> + +<p>"I did—all the time I conceived of you as a Chatterton."</p> + +<p>"A palace is worse than a garret," asserted Morgan, "under the +conditions in which I lived."</p> + +<p>"Bah! You know nothing about garrets. And, as I pointed out to you, +even if, in spite of the competition, you did sell your soul to a +publisher for fifty pounds a year, he'd take care to stick to it. You +were hopelessly wrong in your ideas about getting your foot on the +first rung of the ladder."</p> + +<p>"I am ashamed of ever having had those ideas—of ever having been +willing to suppress my individuality, if only temporarily, for the +sake of living. It all ought to have ended then. Why did you advise me +to go on?"</p> + +<p>"I only advised you to go on writing—I took the other thing for +granted. In the light of my experience of myself at the same age, I +judged it was the only advice you would take. And then having entered +on the adventure, I wanted to finish it; so naturally I set about +making peace between father and son. Excellent man, your father! So +open to reason! You must have been deuced clumsy to irritate him. To +refuse to enter such a business! You'd have been a rich man in a few +years.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 15]</span> But I'm sorry to see your last remark implied a sort of reproach."</p> + +<p>"It was a stupid remark," admitted Morgan. "Of course I wanted to go +on. At twenty-three one does not want to die."</p> + +<p>"If there is still a prospect of being allowed to write poetry," added +Ingram. "You wanted to be put in the way of earning fifty pounds a +year, and naturally you invoked the assistance of the man who was +reputed to have a weakness for embryo genius. However, at the age of +twenty-eight, it appears, one does want to die. I helped you over the +last crisis; perhaps I may help you over this one. Let us look at the +facts. You've had a good chance and you've been defeated. Your poetry +is not wanted. As I've told you before, I am not competent to say +whether it's great or whether it's downright drivel—it's years since +I discovered my limitations. You've been imprudent enough to pay the +expenses of publishing two small volumes, and certain it is that +nobody found any greatness in them. I admit I couldn't make head or +tail of the bulk of the stuff—I'm satisfied myself to write what +plain folk can understand. To put the matter bluntly, you send work to +market that most people would look on as the ravings of a lunatic. +Now, my advice is—cut poetry. There is plenty in the world for you to +live for. Go and travel awhile. See men and cities, sculpture and +paintings. Study humanity instead of merely thinking about it. Sail +over the wide seas; breathe in the good air; be true to your youth and +fall in love right bravely. You are rich—all this is in your power. I +am sure your father will be pleased."</p> + +<p>Morgan was touched by the other's enthusiasm.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 16]</span>"I have always misunderstood you," he cried, remorsefully; "you are +not the mere gross tradesman you boast of being."</p> + +<p>"Really, you embarrass me. Anyway, I hope that, now your opinion of me +has gone up, my advice will bear fruit. After which I shall not mind +confessing that that last nice bit is a quotation from my first novel. +I could have invented nothing more apropos."</p> + +<p>"You give me advice I am powerless to act on," said Morgan, after some +hesitation. "I spent my last shilling to-day."</p> + +<p>"No money!" ejaculated Ingram. "The deuce! Don't you draw a regular +income from your father?"</p> + +<p>"That was not the arrangement," said Morgan. "I was the first-born, +and he was mortally offended by my refusal to enter the bank and carry +on the name and the tradition of the house. During all those six years +there had been friction and bitterness between us. At last came an +appalling outbreak, and I was suffering from the full pain of my +wounds when I wrote to you. You were good enough to tell him that +genius sometimes earned quite considerable amounts, and the ultimate +result of your intercession, of which you only knew the happy issue, +not the details, was that he agreed to give me six thousand pounds, +with the understanding I was never to expect another penny from him. +My brother was to take my commercial birthright and I the +responsibility for my whole future. I've earned nothing save an odd +few shillings now and again, and all I had from my father I've somehow +managed to mess away."</p> + +<p>"Good God!" shrieked Ingram. "Six thousand pounds in five years! An +exemplary young man of sim<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 17]</span>ple habits like you! What could you have +done with it all? You're not a spendthrift. You don't gamble, do you?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know how it has gone," said Morgan, helplessly. "I made bad +investments, I lent some of it away, and I suppose I spent the rest."</p> + +<p>"And you wanted to sell your soul to a publisher for fifty pounds a +year! The fact is, I suppose, you don't know the value of money at +all—it just melts away."</p> + +<p>"For me money has no value. I don't care a pin about it," said Morgan, +doggedly.</p> + +<p>"That's scarcely the point," said Ingram. "Whether you care about it +or not, you'll have to raise some of it. Let me interview your father. +The fault is his. He knew you were a poet, and yet he was imprudent +enough to give you capital instead of an income."</p> + +<p>"It was my doing. I wanted to be perfectly free and independent of +him—not to be worried by sordid complaints and lectures and warnings +with each quarter's cheque. I told him so frankly, and I so annoyed +him even at the end that he gave me the money, saying he did not care +what I did with it. I certainly intend to stand by the arrangement I +made with him. That money was to be the last, and the last it shall +be."</p> + +<p>"You are difficult," said Ingram.</p> + +<p>"You must be indulgent."</p> + +<p>Ingram lighted a new cigar and appeared lost in reflection a little +while.</p> + +<p>"There is only one thing, then, I can suggest," he said at last.</p> + +<p>"And that is?" asked Morgan, in a tone that clearly indicated his +belief that he was beyond all suggestions.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 18]</span>"You can be my ghost. Don't be alarmed—you must do some work, you +know, and that is the only work I can think of for you. I have to +refuse very many commissions. Try your hand at some of them and I'll +run over the work and sign. As I've said before, you've got brains +enough if you'll only use them in the right direction."</p> + +<p>"You mean it for the best; but I could not be party to a fraud."</p> + +<p>"How so? My business in life is to manufacture stories and plays for +the people. My signature merely guarantees the quality just as the +name of a maker on a pianoforte guarantees the instrument. But every +such maker employs others whose names do not appear in connection with +the finished product."</p> + +<p>"The whole thing is impossible. Forgive me for ignoring your +arguments. I ought never to have troubled you with my miserable +concerns. It would, perhaps, have been better if I had never written +you this."</p> + +<p>And Morgan took up his own letter from the table, morbidly fascinated +by it, and impelled to read again the words that had been wrung from +him five years before by his torturing sense of his position in life.</p> + +<p>But, as he began to read, an odour he had been vaguely conscious of +inhaling all along was wafted very perceptibly to his nostrils. Then +he became aware that the letter was subtly scented.</p> + +<p>An unreasoning anger came upon him.</p> + +<p>"Some woman has had this in her possession," he exclaimed.</p> + +<p>Ingram looked at him strangely, hesitated, then seemed finally to +comprehend.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 19]</span>"You are a veritable Lecoq," he said coolly.</p> + +<p>Then that conception of Ingram that had before begun to hover in +Morgan's mind now forced itself upon him wholly. He had always +understood that the man had been inclined to take him somewhat as a +good joke, but this he had not minded so much, so long as he believed +that his personality and his aspirations really interested him. Now +his sense of not having been looked upon seriously predominated, and +with it came an exaggerated consciousness of everything in Ingram that +was obnoxious to his spirit. If the re-reading of the letter had been +a torture for him, the knowledge that it had been ruthlessly exposed +to other eyes aggravated the pain tenfold, especially at this +particular moment.</p> + +<p>"And so this person, whose vile scent impregnates this, has had my +soul laid bare before her for her amusement!"</p> + +<p>"Whose vile scent?" repeated Ingram, angrily. "I must ask you not to +use such language about any friend of mine."</p> + +<p>"You went to her, no doubt, to be praised and fawned upon for your +generosity to me, and afterwards——"</p> + +<p>"Don't be a fool!" exclaimed Ingram, cutting him short.</p> + +<p>"Thank you. I shall take the advice. I have been a fool long enough."</p> + +<p>Morgan moved out of the room, leaving Ingram flushed and motionless.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 20]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.II" id="CHAPTER_I.II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + + +<p>As Morgan had told Ingram, he had that day spent his last shilling. He +had thus no option but to walk home to his rooms in Chester Terrace, +Regent's Park. It was a long walk, and one had already struck, but he +did not hurry. The night was a fine one of early spring, and it suited +his mood to linger in the free air.</p> + +<p>He had not really gone to Ingram for advice, though he had been unable +to prevent his despair from showing itself. He was sorry that the +exhaustion of his funds should have come just at the moment when he +had resigned himself to the final abandonment of the ambition that had +determined his whole life. He was sure now that a mind like Ingram's +would inevitably set down his despair to his money difficulties. But +the next moment he told himself it was grotesque on his part to care +just then what inference Ingram might draw about him. Ingram and he +would be concerned with each other but little in the future!</p> + +<p>But what was the future to be? Were there not others who would be +fully as astonished as Ingram at learning the truth? And even if it +were possible for him to hide besides there was Margaret Medhurst. +What meaning could the future have for him without her?</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 21]</span>His old inner life had at length come to an end and he was now to pass +from it into he knew not what—perhaps a raw, cold air. And yet his +feeling now was not so entirely one of despair as when he had that +evening rung Ingram's bell. He seemed to have been stung out of his +terrible apathy. The smart had stirred up his deadened nerves. He was +trying to set in order the jumble that possessed his mind and to think +clear and straight.</p> + +<p>The vague figure of a scented woman reading his letter haunted him, +and at moments Ingram was added to the picture, and he saw them +uniting in mockery of him—prosaic, prosperous author, and strange, +romantic serpent-woman!</p> + +<p>Though that letter of five years before had been wrung from him, he +had written it with but the vaguest idea of sending it. A romantic +impulse had dictated its form as an appeal to a prominent novelist, +and it was only when he had finished it that the same romantic impulse +urged him to post it. His feeling about it was purely poetic, and he +scarcely realised he was addressing a real, living person. The +commercial world of literature was to him a mysterious, far-off chaos, +and at very bottom he had no belief the letter would be the means of +his getting nearer to it.</p> + +<p>So far as he was concerned at the moment, he had sent his bolt flying +into the clouds, and the contingency of its being shown about had +never occurred to him; moreover, if Ingram had left his appeal +unanswered, the fact he now resented so much would never have come +within the sphere of his consciousness. But to become cognisant of it +years later at a moment of despair humiliated him unbearably. The mere +re-reading of the letter had already<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 22]</span> humiliated him, for the lapse of +time, the change of circumstance, the literary degeneration of Ingram, +and his very acquaintance with the man, had made him feel the words +very differently than when they had come spontaneously out of his +blood. His sense of their futility added to his resentment.</p> + +<p>But as he now walked along he was beginning to be conscious that, side +by side with this resentment, had come something fantastic, something +luring, immanent in the far faintness of the scent that had perfumed +his letter.</p> + +<p>He found himself repeating Browning's lines with a sense of the thrill +and romance of life.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"Heap cassia, sandal-buds and stripes</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Of labdanum, and aloe balls,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Smeared with dull nard an Indian wipes</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">From out her hair: such balsam falls</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Down seaside mountain pedestals,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">From treetops, where tired winds are fain,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Spent with the vast and howling main,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">To treasure half their island-gain.</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"And strew faint sweetness from some old</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Egyptian's fine worm-eaten shroud,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Which breaks to dust when once unrolled;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Or shredded perfume, like a cloud</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">From closet long to quiet vowed,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">With mothed and dropping arras hung,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Mouldering her lute and books among,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">As when a queen, long dead, was young."</span><br /> +</p> +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 23]</span>If his sense of overwhelming defeat made for despair, he was conscious +of his nature being effectively appealed to from another direction. If +he had that evening determined to throttle his ambition and write +poetry no more, he seemed to have become aware of the stirring of a +new motive for existence. But what it was he could not definitely tell +himself.</p> + +<p>And always before him rose the figure of the scented serpent-woman +holding his letter in her long fingers, her white teeth gleaming in +mockery!</p> + +<p>"I shall live—live!" he exclaimed, as he entered his own door at +last.</p> + +<p>He lighted the gas in his large, comfortable sitting-room, and noticed +there were letters for him on the mantel resting against the clock, +whose hands pointed to half-past two.</p> + +<p>But he would not look at them just yet. His was a strange mood just +then and he did not wish his thoughts disturbed. There was something +he had to do at once. Let the letters wait till he had finished.</p> + +<p>Again he heard Ingram's voice reading. Every word had branded itself +on him.</p> + +<p>Soon he had the large table littered with bundles of manuscript. They +represented his poetic output. Many of them had travelled far and +wide; never again should they be sent forth into the world to bring +him that which his heart had most desired. He took up one here and +there and ran his eye through it. Considering the years he had worked, +the output—for a young man's muse—was perhaps not large. But then he +had only taken up his pen when inspiration had come. Certainly during +the earlier years most of his time had been spent in read<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 24]</span>ing and +study. Otherwise he had had a habit of losing himself in the play of +his imagination, awaking after having lived in worlds innumerable. +Thus the actual amount of verse he had produced in the first years was +really quite small.</p> + +<p>He could not help dawdling a little before proceeding with the work of +destruction. They were strange products, most of these poems of his; +mirroring vague metaphysical moods, unseizable mystic fancies; +incomprehensible save to one whose own inwardness they suggested, or +to one of infinite emotional sympathy. A blurred, shapeless spirit +brooded behind these melodious masses of words, these outpourings of +disconnected ideas—a spirit invisible for reason and responsive only +to divination, as love responds to love. Sometimes it was hidden amid +a flow of sensuous images; sometimes in an impression of a landscape, +of an atmospheric effect, of a play of light and shade. Such +impression was never pure and complete, such visual effect never +pictured for its own sake; for here and there amid it would lurk a +phrase that was not of it, that struck a note—an elusive +key-note—which set vibrating something haunting in its familiarity, +terrifying in its strangeness; something mocking and meaningless, that +went echoing away into the infinite.</p> + +<p>He had not been able to find contentment in the mere presentation of +beauty. Even where he dealt with the concrete there was always +something to destroy the semblance of reality. The world that was +revealed to his vision was a surface-world, for he had not pierced it +by experience, but only dimly through the medium of books, and the +elements it gave him he used freely. But <span class='pagenum'>[Pg 25]</span>his combinations of them were +seldom along the lines of the possible. Here a colour would flash out +at one; there a jewel would sparkle; now a perfume would be wafted; +now a bird would sing. But all this individual definiteness was merged +into a general blur, or formed itself into a sort of kaleidoscopic +pattern that subtly suggested a meaning to be seized.</p> + +<p>And all that Morgan now looked over again gave back to him the spirit +he had put into them. The gaps in his expression of that spirit he was +blind to. Shaped in the mould of his peculiar fantasy, these poems +lived for the mind that had created them, that had been compelled by +its own inner necessity to give them what was to him their particular +form, to others their very formlessness.</p> + +<p>His belief that this poetry was of immortal quality was unshaken, but +he had been born into a wrong world, he now told himself. He was aware +that he did not know the world of every-day affairs; that he was not +fitted to know it. The very thought of its swirling incomprehensible +activities turned him giddy; and if he walked amid it daily it was for +him pure visual perception. Beyond that perception he did not seek to +look and so he escaped discomfort.</p> + +<p>Well, let him not linger. His old life—the singer's life—was over, +and nothing of it must remain.</p> + +<p>The grate was a big one, but even then the work of destruction would +take some time. A fire had been laid that morning, but had not been +lighted. He put back the coals into the vase and filled the grate with +his manuscripts. Then, striking a match, he watched the blaze +blackening and curling up the edges of the sheets.</p> + +<p>When eventually the table was bare, he reflected it was<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 26]</span> strange he +should now feel so little emotion. His predominating sense was one of +physical fatigue, but the figure of the scented woman was still with +him. Would it not be splendid, he asked himself, now that his past +life lay there in a charred heap, to enter with his new life into the +life of this woman—nay, to win her away from Ingram?</p> + +<p>He took his letters. There were three of them, and they read as +follows:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"My Dear Morgan:—This is to let you know I shall be in town +to-morrow. I want you to come and meet me at Victoria at one +o'clock and we shall lunch together before I go on to my hotel. +My chief business is to see friend Medhurst about my eyes. I fear +my present reading-glasses no longer suit me. By the way, I've +some splendid ideas for you to work out. It's quite clear to me +now from whom you inherited your genius. Mind you are in time. +Your dad, Archibald D.</p> + +<p>"P. S.—The 'Pleiad' to-day publishes that little poem of yours +about Diana. I feel very proud of being your father. Present my +regards to Mr. Ingram."</p></div> + +<p> </p> +<p>Morgan merely smiled. He had not had a poem published for many months, +and this was his first indication that the one in point had been +accepted. Curious, he reflected, it should just appear that day.</p> +<p> </p> +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Dear Prince Charming," ran the second. "This is to reproach you +for not coming yesterday afternoon. For two hours I waited +without giving up hope. Softest-hearted of mortals, for me alone +is your heart a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 27]</span> stone! I had all the sensations of Mariana in the +moated grange, but whilst you are in the world, I certainly shall +not wish myself dead.</p> + +<p>"When are you going to take me to Whitechapel? My mind wanders +longingly from this prosaic Belgrave Square to yon fantastic +region. It's quite a month since we last got lost together. I +have next Monday and Thursday free. I wonder whether it will +occur to you to connect the two last sentences. Either day—or +both—will suit me. This doesn't count as a letter. I shall write +you a real one this evening. Helen."</p> + +<p> </p> +<p>"Dear Morgan," read the last. "As you have probably heard, your +father is coming to town to see Mr. Medhurst professionally, and +of course he is to dine here to-morrow evening. Come in and join +us; we shall be strictly <i>en famille</i>. By the way, Margaret has +not only finished 'Chiron' and the 'Spanish Marauder,' but she +has actually sold both! They look very well, indeed, in bronze. +Yours ever, Kate Medhurst.</p> + +<p>"P. S.—Diana sends her love and hopes that if you have any more +stamps you will bring them with you."</p></div> +<p> </p> +<p>This postscript was in the writing of the young lady herself.</p> + +<p>The reading of these letters did not give him any pleasure just then. +These other lives in whose round he was an important figure were going +on without any intuition of his inner tragedy, without any suspicion +that they would henceforwards have to go on without him; that he could +no more carry them forward into his vague, new life than those equally +vital elements of his old self<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 28]</span>—his poems! How strangely did their +moods contrast with his—his father's playful good-humour, Lady +Thiselton's sprightly <i>camaraderie</i> and Mrs. Medhurst's cheerful +domesticity!</p> + +<p>But the last letter made him wince. It was only a simple invitation, +but it hurt him as though a finger had been put on a raw wound. For +he, who had made a failure of his existence, whose one remaining link +with life was a mere grotesque possibility of an adventure with an +unknown serpent-woman, loved Margaret Medhurst with a poet's +despairing love.</p> + +<p>The figure of the scented woman floated up again. She had let the +letter fall into her lap now and her wonderful face seemed to smile at +him.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 29]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.III" id="CHAPTER_I.III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + + +<p>He awoke in the morning, acceptant of what he had done in the night. A +calmness had set in and with it had come a clarification of his +thought. His grasp of the position was more definite, and his feeling +was that, to meet it adequately, he must disattach himself completely +from the past.</p> + +<p>But the future was mystic and seductive.</p> + +<p>However, his tendency to dwell on it had to be put aside in favour of +commonplace things that must be done immediately. As Ingram had +pointed out to him, he might be as indifferent to money as he pleased, +yet he must give it his first attention. Though ready cash was +exhausted, he remembered almost with surprise he had several +possessions that might be converted into it.</p> + +<p>His breakfast was served to him as usual, but he did not open the +promised letter which duly arrived from Lady Thiselton. His general +sense of things filled his mind sufficiently.</p> + +<p>His first business was to wait upon the family jeweller in Oxford +Street, from whom he had made occasional purchases for birthday +presents. The experience was a strange one for him, and he felt +somewhat timid about it. However, when he had explained what he +wanted, he was agreeably astonished at the man's insisting, with a +great show of goodwill towards him, he must accom<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 30]</span>modate him with +fifty pounds, and before Morgan had recovered from his flurry, he had +given an I. O. U. for the amount and had bank notes in his pocket.</p> + +<p>"Why, I shouldn't think of charging <i>you</i> any interest," the jeweller +had declared, and Morgan was much puzzled to understand why. Nor did +he quite know what this piece of paper he had signed represented.</p> + +<p>He had now accomplished all the action his brain had planned, and it +was time to go and meet his father. And then it struck him as curious +that life seemed to be ignoring his ideas and to be taking him forward +despite himself. With all his intense feeling that he must complete +his disattachment from the past, its impetus was stronger than he. +Somehow he <i>must</i> go and meet his father; he <i>must</i> dine with the +Medhursts that evening.</p> + +<p>As was clear from Archibald Druce's note, the relation between father +and son was scarcely so theatrical as Ingram might have gathered from +Morgan's talk the evening before, a fact of which Morgan was well +aware. He had not really intended to give Ingram a theatrical +impression, but the somewhat subtle truth could never have been +conveyed in the few words they had had together, apart from the fact +that it must inevitably have got coloured by the mood of the moment.</p> + +<p>There had been many vicissitudes between father and son. The latter +well remembered the moment when, unable to keep his big idea to +himself any longer, he had divulged it to his father as they were +strolling together in the grounds one sunny afternoon. The two had +always been on the best of terms. Now Archibald Druce's ideas about +his Morgan's career had been definitely shaped for years. He intended +that the boy should, after<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 31]</span> passing through the University, enter the +banking business with which his whole life had been associated, and +ultimately become a partner therein. But Morgan's own idea of his +mission in life seemed to the banker so extraordinary that it made him +laugh outright. Unfortunately, too, in addition to pooh-poohing his +son's unexpected ambition, he went on, by way of implanting in him +sensible and serious views of life, to point out that the right to +spend money had to be acquired by effort expended.</p> + +<p>Morgan had made up his mind at a very boyish age that he was destined +to become an immortal bard; the conceptions he had then formed had +remained with him in all their boyish freshness. They were pure +conceptions, detached from the realities, of which he then knew +nothing. Poetry was a great and glorious thing, and when he first +decided that his whole life could be devoted to nothing nobler, he had +selected it away from the actual material circumstances from which +existence cannot be extricated.</p> + +<p>But in this first talk with his father he had already been brought +into collision with these sordid complications. Archibald's +well-intentioned scorn had inflicted a wound that pained still after +the lapse of years. Moreover, by raising financial questions, he had +unwittingly poured poison into that wound. Morgan, however, refused to +have his eyes opened and clung desperately to his detached conception +of poetry and the poet's life.</p> + +<p>The thought of his being destined for business terrified the lad. He +felt he could never live in the atmosphere of an office. He was born +to sing, to charm, to enchant. What had he to do with money? He must<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 32]</span> +argue with his father and convince him. And he effectually did succeed +in making him understand he was serious. The banker was upset, and +Morgan, carried along by the freshness and purity of his enthusiasm, +made an altogether wrong judgment of the position. For the first +opposition and the first clash of wills represented a bigger fact to +Morgan than it did to the father, who, not entirely understanding the +force of the ferment in his son's mind, as yet took it for granted +that time was only needed to eradicate this strange, startling +madness. He therefore pressed Morgan to proceed at once to the +University, in the belief he would take a more sensible view of things +when he was a few years older. But Morgan refused. He held to his +ambition with frenzied persistence, and he had felt the bitterness of +dependence. He determined, therefore, to try his wings at once, +remembering that money <i>was</i> attached to success, and, in the optimism +of enthusiasm, forming impossible hopes of supporting himself before +long.</p> + +<p>Archibald Druce did not mind his being apparently idle for awhile, +and, by a sort of common understanding, the subject was not touched +upon between them for some time. Morgan perforce had to live at home, +and, as time went by, this very fact caused him a great deal of +misery. Perhaps the very magnificence of his surroundings made matters +worse for him.</p> + +<p>His mother, too, was against him, and, after awhile she seemed to +expend all the time she could spare from playing the rôle of <i>grande +dame</i> in the county, in egging on his father against him. The sense of +her injustice embittered him, for he knew he could not fairly be +accused of spending his time unprofitably. He was study<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 33]</span>ing perhaps +harder than he would have done at college, for he was a student almost +as much as he was poet. Of recreation, though, he had no stint. He +rode, fished, swam and boated; but always alone, for his instinct made +for solitude. With his brother he was not unfriendly, but there was no +intimate sympathy between the two.</p> + +<p>During the years that followed there were many fallings-out and +reconciliations between father and son. If the banker had been +entirely able to rid his mind of the plans he had so long cherished +for his son, he would have been quite content that the latter should +go through life as a gentleman of wealth and leisure. But he was +wedded to the business to which he had given the best energies of his +life, and the idea that Morgan must eventually take his place in it +amounted almost to an obsession. A reconciliation always made Morgan +happy, for its own sake quite as much as for the belief that his +ambition was being recognised. Estrangement and friction were always +terrible things to him and caused him unspeakable suffering.</p> + +<p>His letter to Ingram was the culmination. It was sincere and expressed +exactly what he felt. The immediate cause of the mood which prompted +it had been Archibald's putting before him again all the old +propositions and his letting it be clearly seen he had never really +abandoned them.</p> + +<p>Then followed a few months of happiness in London. At last he felt +master of his own destiny—free of all that had vexed him, free to +succeed. But the routine of his days was much the same as before. He +studied and wrote and dreamed. Now and again he was allowed to come +and chat with Ingram. Friends of the family<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 34]</span> made him welcome at their +houses whenever he chose to emerge from the isolation that was natural +to him. At the Medhurst's, in particular, he was almost one of the +family.</p> + +<p>But, some time after Morgan's leaving home, Archibald Druce retired +from active affairs and began to acquire the taste for reading. And +now came a great change in Archibald's attitude. Morgan one day +realised with astonishment that his father had become perfectly +reconciled to the idea of his following a literary career, nay, that +he was now proud of having a son who was a man of letters. Archibald, +in fact, seemed to be relishing the literary atmosphere tremendously. +He made constant additions to his library, consulting Morgan as to the +choice of books, and spent a great part of his time amid its oaken +magnificence. He read very many novels, buying the newest ones as they +appeared. When Morgan's first volume of poems was published, Archibald +went about in a state of intense excitement. He bought fifty copies to +give away, and never went abroad without carrying one in his pocket. +He bragged and boasted about Morgan, till one might have imagined the +latter had scornfully refused the laureateship.</p> + +<p>Morgan, however, had no great respect for his father's literary +judgment. It was all very well when he came to him for advice about +his reading, but there were times when the banker did not hesitate to +lay down the law, for he was growing accustomed to a respectful +hearing on the part of his friends, which was somewhat spoiling him. +All his world knew he had trouble with his eyes. As a matter of fact, +his sight was scarcely worse than it had been for years, his visual +weakness being little more<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 35]</span> than imaginary, and but one of the +manifestations of his literary phase.</p> + +<p>Altogether, Archibald Druce seemed quite satisfied with Morgan's slow +progress. Once he had finally got rid of the notion of making Morgan a +banker, he was a delightful man to have for a father, a fact which +Morgan fully appreciated. Often had he asked the latter if "he were +all right for money," and Morgan had replied he was; so that he knew +quite well his father would take a very lenient view of his +expenditure and had no desire at all to hold him to the arrangement +made. But Archibald always limited himself to the general question, +and never sought to know whether Morgan was living on his interest or +spending the capital.</p> + +<p>The relation between the two now was a perfectly hearty one. The +banker was glad to have Morgan home for a few days now and again, and +equally enjoyed coming to town occasionally to see him. But in spite +of his father's liberality and cordiality, Morgan's pride, combined +with the sense of his failure, made him determine never to come upon +the paternal purse again. It was this very pride perhaps that had made +him somewhat distort his father's attitude—rather by implication than +by any definite statement—in his last evening's conversation with +Ingram.</p> + +<p>He was but too conscious of that attitude as he waited on the platform +for the train to arrive—it had gradually become an intolerable irony +to him.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 36]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.IV" id="CHAPTER_I.IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + + +<p>"I'm perfectly ravenous," said Archibald Druce. "We must lunch at +once."</p> + +<p>Morgan restrained his usual impatient stride, falling in with the +slow, dignified step of his sire, who, though of broad build, would +have been as tall as his son, had it not been for a slight stoop, of +which he was proud, as it gave him an air of erudition.</p> + +<p>They repaired to a restaurant close at hand and had a sumptuous lunch +served them. Archibald, who had a weakness for punning, was in one of +his gayest moods, and was not above being occasionally appreciated by +the waiter. Morgan did his best to appear cheerful; he did not wish +his father to suspect anything was amiss. He listened to a humourous +account of home affairs with smiling face, even interposing a few +humourous comments of his own. Eventually he enquired about his +father's eyesight and Archibald's face brightened still more. Soon the +banker grew eloquent on the subject, detailing all the minute symptoms +a morbid attention had detected.</p> + +<p>"But I've great faith in John—he's the cleverest oculist in the +Kingdom. And so I thought I'd better come up to town and see him +before—ha, I was just going to let my secret slip out!"</p> + +<p>And Archibald sipped his coffee and beamed at Morgan behind his gold +spectacles.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 37]</span>"That sounds like a direct encouragement to me to be inquisitive," +said Morgan.</p> + +<p>"Well, if you'd like to know the secret, it's simply this: I'm going +to write a book."</p> + +<p>"What about?" Morgan's tone and gesture summed up his amused +astonishment.</p> + +<p>"A good many things," answered Archibald, his face assuming a serious +expression. "You see, I've got into the habit of thinking a good deal +of late, and I've come to the conclusion I ought to be putting my +thoughts down on paper. New ideas occur to me almost every day, and +I'm really beginning to feel that a man like myself can derive more +mental culture from the free play of his own original thought than +from simply following other men's, however admirable it be. The latter +course rather encourages a certain mental laziness, whereas in +thinking for oneself so many points occur which cannot be passed over +till they have been wrestled with and vanquished. Now yesterday, for +instance, some very stiff problems occurred to me—as thus: Can a man +justly lay claim to merit for the talents he possesses, and is it +immodest of him to let others perceive by his conversation that he is +quite aware he possesses them? Or, on the contrary, is not the fact +that he is talented purely a piece of good fortune, and would it not +be the merest humbug on his part to pretend to be blind to it? Again, +if a man performs what is called a good deed, ought he to claim merit +for that? Does not the performance of such a deed give one pleasure, +and is not that pleasure the real end in view? It has struck me of +late that on such points there's a great confusion of thinking, and +between ourselves, Morgan, I've been<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 38]</span> lately arriving at conclusions +that most people would call revolutionary and dangerous. But I set +truth above all things, and I can't do better than devote my remaining +years to its service. Now, I think I have really sufficient material +for an original and interesting volume. I have been a man of affairs +all my days, and I think the views of such a man who has lived in +contact with the world should at least be as valuable as those of a +college professor who has been secluded from it. It is really about +this volume I propose to write that I want to consult you. I have made +a memorandum of a few points I should like to thresh out thoroughly +with you."</p> + +<p>Morgan was rather startled at this sudden and serious awakening of +literary ambition in his father, though he had before now had many a +hint that he was wrestling with formidable ethical and moral +difficulties. He could see Archibald had set his heart on writing the +book, so he could not do otherwise than encourage him. It would simply +keep him enjoyably occupied, and, as the task would no doubt cause him +to dip into accredited works on ethical science, he would ultimately +discover that the problems he had chanced upon were not quite so +original as he supposed.</p> + +<p>But even while Morgan discussed the idea with his father, he had a +curious dream-like consciousness of his own affairs, which somehow +seemed to be retarded by this appearance of the banker in London. And, +all the time he was endeavoring to concentrate himself on the +conversation, he was aware of that floating vision which had never +ceased to haunt him.</p> + +<p>Minute details respecting the work were gone into, even to the colour +of the paper on which it was to be<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 39]</span> written. Morgan did not know +whether blue or buff was the more restful for the eyes, and the +question was left open for John Medhurst to decide. Archibald looked +tremendously pleased at his son's reception of his project, and it +certainly raised his opinion of Morgan's judgment.</p> + +<p>"I'm glad to see you've not been spoiled by success, Morgan," he could +not help saying.</p> + +<p>It was a strange irony, Morgan thought, that his father's acceptance +of him should be so complete just when he himself had finally +abandoned all hope. The reflection would have been a bitter one had he +not found Archibald's pride in him amusing, in view of the latter's +new theories about "merit."</p> + +<p>Later on, at the hotel, Archibald produced the copy of the "Pleiad," +which contained the verses inspired by Margaret Medhurst's younger +sister, and insisted on reading them aloud. His paternal pride was +more than satisfied by the small sum total of Morgan's published work, +and each little addition to it furnished an occasion of great +excitement for him.</p> + +<p>Of course, Ingram was mentioned before long, and Morgan had to say +that that gentleman and he were no longer friends. Archibald said he +was sorry, and looked it. He considered Ingram a great author, and the +breach rather a misfortune.</p> + +<p>"Is there no hope of smoothing things over?" he asked. "Why not take +me into your confidence? I flatter myself I have had some experience +in patching up even serious differences between people, and you know +I'm at your disposal."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 40]</span>Time had, indeed, brought about a strange reversal of rôle between the +banker and Ingram.</p> + +<p>Morgan explained that Ingram had behaved in such a way as to make him +revise his estimate of him, but that it would scarcely serve any +purpose to go into details.</p> + +<p>The banker again said he was sorry, and looked it still more than +before. Anyhow, as the subject was so obviously disagreeable to +Morgan, he would not allude to it again.</p> + +<p>In the afternoon they took a little stroll together, and, after +partaking of a cup of tea, they parted, promising to see each other at +Wimpole Street.</p> + +<p>"By the way," said his father, at the last moment, "I hear from Katie +that they haven't seen very much of you of late, and that you had +struck them as pre-occupied. She even seemed rather doubtful about +your coming this evening. I hope you don't stick too long at your +desk. I've long since found out that sort of thing is a mistake."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 41]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.V" id="CHAPTER_I.V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + + +<p>Morgan arrived rather late at Wimpole Street, for father and son had +dallied almost till evening. However, he was the earlier of the two, +and he took the opportunity of presenting Diana with the stamps he had +got together for her and of chatting with her about her collection and +her newest acquisitions. He was relieved to find that Mrs. Medhurst +gave him his usual warm welcome, but at the same time he felt rather +guilty about his unsuspected intention to cease all relations with the +family. This house was more associated with happiness for him than any +other place in the world; he had passed in it perhaps the best moments +of his life. He had always been a favourite with the Medhursts, and +they had believed in him and taken his part even in the early days +when he had been looked at askance in his own family.</p> + +<p>Were oblivion of all else possible, he would have felt to-night +supremely happy, for that needed but the sole condition of his being +where he was. But he thought of the borrowed money in his pocket, of +the charred remains of his manuscripts, of his hopeless love for +Margaret, now so near him, speaking to him, of the vague future to +which he was going to abandon himself. And the comfort he could not +help finding here mingled strangely with the emotions that troubled +his spirit and gave him a quivering sense of unrest.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 42]</span>The link between him and the Medhursts had been from the first one of +more than ordinary friendship. For, some thirty years before, when +Mrs. Medhurst was only seventeen, Archibald Druce had been a suitor +for her hand. But her romance with John Medhurst had already begun, +and she waited to marry her true love seven years later. Though +Archibald married within a few years of his rejection, he had all but +kept Kate to her promise to be a sister to him all his life. Certainly +he had remained one of her most devoted admirers.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Medhurst was still beautiful, and even Morgan admitted that she +was just the mother a girl like Margaret ought to have. Her face was +winning and sweet, and the simplicity of her attire held no suggestion +of severity. Morgan's eye was pleased by the quiet harmony of the gray +silk dress with its silver girdle and its touches of silver at the +throat and wrists.</p> + +<p>Margaret herself was only just nineteen. Taller than her mother by +half a head, she was built with a slender grace and a rare purity of +outline. A somewhat high forehead lent her distinction, perhaps +accentuating the shade of thoughtfulness that was characteristic of +her expression, and that never clashed with its sweetness; rather were +the two qualities blended into a charming spirituality. Her dark blue, +velvety eyes suggested the clear depth of a stream, her cheeks were +modelled in a full, soft curve, her nostrils were delicately +chiselled, and her mouth was small, red and sweet. The neck showed +cool and white above the silver-blue of her girl's soft, silk evening +gown that came almost to her throat. Margaret rather affected +silver-blue—she knew quite well it made her adorable; for, being a +sweet human<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 43]</span> being, she had just a charming touch of vanity, and would +have been less charming without it. The only other note of colour was +given by the quaint silver buckle at her waist, for the sash was of +the same material as the gown itself.</p> + +<p>At sixty-three, Archibald Druce—for the old fellow's heart was still +susceptible—worshipped her almost as much as he had once worshipped +her mother. And Morgan had only realised how she had grown into his +spirit just when despair had begun to show itself again. The discovery +had perhaps given him a fresh spurt of hope, but the charred mass had +marked the end of that.</p> + +<p>John Medhurst was somewhat past fifty, and his beard was getting just +a little grey. He was of medium height, and wore spectacles himself—a +fact which, in view of his profession, had given Archibald endless +material for humour. His manner and voice alike were singularly soft +and gentle. He possessed both a sense of humour and a quiet humour of +his own; and his laugh was always ready to ring out. Sometimes it +struck Morgan that Margaret's features were hinted at in his face even +more than in Mrs. Medhurst's, but so subtly, that the resemblance +would seem to vanish for long stretches of time, and he would only be +able to detect it at odd moments.</p> + +<p>Archibald arrived quite half an hour late, so that his ferocious knock +and ring caused general rejoicing. His spirits invariably mounted as +soon as he set foot on the Medhursts' doorstep, and, once within the +house, he overflowed with jest and laughter, extracting fun and +merriment from anything and everything, making rather a terrible noise +and enjoying every instant.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 44]</span>"My scamp of a boy and I got talking together," he explained, in +high-pitched apology. "Now, Morgan has some ideas in that head-piece +of his"—here he tapped his son playfully on the skull—"so that when +we two <i>do</i> get talking together, we both find it so fascinating that +we lose all count of time. I've had quite a rush to get here, though I +see Morgan has raced me. I suppose that, at my age, I mustn't +expect——"</p> + +<p>"To keep pace with the youngsters."</p> + +<p>Margaret finished the sentence for him in playful anticipation of his +platitudinarianism. Archibald took her in his arms and kissed her on +the forehead, with a "No harm at my age, my dear," after which he +laughed gleefully, and proceeded to kiss Diana on the lips, adding: +"No harm at <i>your</i> age, my dear."</p> + +<p>"I'm thirteen, and I shall really not allow that sort of thing any +more," said Diana, severely.</p> + +<p>"Not from me—your sweetheart!" exclaimed Archibald. "Ah! I +understand," he went on. "It's the grown-up frock."</p> + +<p>She was in a shaped dress to-day, but he had recalled her as she was +in her poke-bonnet days, when she had been wont to accept the same +kind of salutation without demur. It did not seem so very long ago +since he had seen her bare-kneed, in short, crimson skirts and all +sorts of fantastic caps and brilliant turbans; and he now reminded her +of the fact, undeterred by the haughtiness of her mien and the +arrogantly rippling masses of golden-brown hair, just a shade darker +than Margaret's.</p> + +<p>She gave him a withering glance that asked how he dared!</p> + +<p>"Perhaps it's not the frock. It's the poem in the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 45]</span> 'Pleiad.' Morgan has +turned her head," recommenced Archibald.</p> + +<p>"Morgan, take me down, please," said Diana, majestically ignoring her +tormentor, who thereupon offered his arm to Mrs. Medhurst, and +Margaret and her father brought up the rear.</p> + +<p>But when they came to take their seats, they somehow got mixed up +again, so that Morgan found himself next to Margaret, whilst Diana and +Archibald sat opposite. Morgan had more than a suspicion that this was +the result of adroit manœuvring on Diana's part. Very soon, however, +there arose such a clattering dispute between that young lady and her +neighbour, that Morgan could not talk to his, which made him rather +angry. Anyhow, it was impossible not to be amused after a while by the +altercation, for Diana's tongue was ready and brisk and attacking. +Margaret was a far less militant character, and would never strike, +were there the slightest chance of wounding. Diana's aim was always to +wound, and to wound deeply, provided it was some dear friend she was +pitted against.</p> + +<p>In view of the fact that this was the last visit he purposed to the +Medhursts, Morgan had been feeling that a close conversation with +Margaret would prove too much of an ordeal for him, and he had +determined to talk to her as little as possible. But somehow he did +not find himself welcoming the practical inhibition from the other +side of the table; it gave him a sense of frustrated desire. If his +will made him say "I must not talk to her intimately, for I shall lose +all the ground I have gained by purposely avoiding this house so long; +I shall be drawn back close to her and, as the parting must<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 46]</span> come +nevertheless, the greater will be its anguish," his temperament made +reply: "What! you calculating effects, whose business has always been +poetry? Let your business still be poetry, but weave it out of life +instead of words. Abandon yourself without underthought. Live in that +wonderful region which is here, even as it is everywhere, but in which +only the souls of poets may wander and rejoice." And his temperament +prevailed over his will. He allowed the full flow of love to flood his +spirit. Great poems were summed up in one quick flash; in a second he +lived through a century of fine words.</p> + +<p>And, as if divining his thought, she turned to him and spoke. Her +words seemed softly to ring through the din, and he gave himself up to +the full delight of the moment.</p> + +<p>"Do you know, Morgan"—for he was always "Morgan" to everybody +there—"a great change has occurred in my dignity the last few days?"</p> + +<p>"You are to marry a peer," he hazarded.</p> + +<p>"I have risen much higher than that."</p> + +<p>"You were at the utmost height."</p> + +<p>"I only moved in yesterday, with my benches and mess and clay and wax +and tools. Pa had a hole made in the roof and a top light put in. I +feel so pleased with my studio, and, of course, I mean to entertain +there. We shall have such gay times, and I've a fine excuse for +keeping the company young and select."</p> + +<p>"Too high up for old legs?"</p> + +<p>"How shrewd!" she exclaimed. "I see that for real worldly insight one +must go to a poet."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 47]</span>"Thank you. This is the first time I've been accused of common sense."</p> + +<p>"That is hardly to be wondered at. Your poems have every other +quality. You'll come up and see my studio anyhow?"</p> + +<p>"By moonlight?"</p> + +<p>"No, by candle light. And you the bearer, like the Latin motto on one +of my old school books."</p> + +<p>Meanwhile the combat opposite still raged, and in the end Archibald +and Diana had to be parted almost by force. Diana sent a final shot +from the door, and then scampered away.</p> + +<p>"The little rogue!" murmured Archibald, and then broke into one of +those unrestrained laughs which he usually reserved for his own +witticisms.</p> + +<p>The three men drew near the fire. Medhurst said something about taking +Diana in hand. She had been somewhat spoiled at school, being looked +upon as a sort of demi-goddess by her classmates. Archibald declared +he wouldn't have her any different for the world. What was the good of +a girl if she was just the same as any other girl? Thence, proceeding +to attack convention, Archibald eventually steered the conversation +round to the contribution he himself purposed making to ethical +philosophy, for he had been waiting for an opportunity to let Medhurst +into the secret.</p> + +<p>"It's curious that the more one thinks, John, the more one gets one's +notions upset. I know quite well that most people would think it a +highly dangerous doctrine to put forward, but I really cannot see that +the man who is a saint deserves any more to be praised than the man +who is a murderer. The murderer is simply<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 48]</span> unfortunate and ought to be +pitied. Nature gave him the impulse to murder—in fact, on a closer +analysis, all personal responsibility seems to disappear."</p> + +<p>"And what does your wife say to all this? Isn't she rather alarmed?" +asked Medhurst.</p> + +<p>"My wife!" exclaimed the banker, contemptuously. "She's hopelessly +behind the times. Why, she's a perfect child. She takes no interest in +anything beyond the tittle-tattle of the county. We had quite a scene +the other day because I gave expression to my opinion that young +people should be properly instructed in life by means of explanatory +handbooks, instead of being left to gather their knowledge haphazard. +I have never known her to make a single original remark—her +observations are invariably the most obvious. Morgan should be +thankful for the happy hazard of nature which fashioned his brain +rather in the mould of mine than in that of his mother."</p> + +<p>"And so you really intend publishing?" said Medhurst.</p> + +<p>"I am not afraid. People must be taught to look the problems of life +straight in the face. Truth must be driven home, my dear John, and it +is my intention to say some pretty straight things to the world."</p> + +<p>"Have you yet fixed on a title?" asked Medhurst, secretly amused at +this sudden, strange development on the part of his old friend.</p> + +<p>"Ah! there's just the difficulty. It was one of the first questions I +put to myself—what about the title? The thing is to get a good +striking one, and that's by no means an easy task. The title of a book +is almost as important as its contents, and, confound it all, my dear<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 49]</span> +John, I'm blessed if it doesn't take nearly as long to manufacture. +I've been cudgelling my brains for the last three months, and I must +confess my mind is an absolute blank so far."</p> + +<p>"Why not call it 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical Thinker?'" suggested +Morgan. "And perhaps you might add a sub-title—'An attempt to +investigate some questions of primary importance that are usually +shelved.' How does that strike you?"</p> + +<p>"Splendid!" exclaimed Archibald, enthusiastically. "'Plain Thoughts of +a Practical Thinker'—the very thing. 'An attempt to investigate some +questions of primary importance that are usually shelved.' Admirable! +'Practical Thinker!' That is just the idea I want to convey to the +world. I am not one of your mere dreamers, your theorists, your +college professors. I speak as one who has had a large experience of +men and affairs, as one who has for years administered the fortunes of +a great house. And yet I have sufficient of the thinker and the +idealist in me to have begotten a son whose name will live in English +letters. It will, Morgan, I tell you. You are a little bit +misunderstood now, but what great man has ever escaped +misunderstanding? I expect to be misunderstood, but if they think I am +to be howled down—'Plain Thoughts of a Practical Thinker!' A perfect +inspiration! Suppose we join the ladies. I want to tell Kate about +it."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 50]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.VI" id="CHAPTER_I.VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + + +<p>While Archibald unfolded his literary scheme to Mrs. Medhurst, Diana +mimicking his enthusiastic gestures at a safe distance, Morgan and +Margaret sat apart in that region of the drawing-room which lay +nearest the door. She had been telling him about some parties she had +gone to, and he, terribly jealous of the men who had danced with her, +made pretence to rally her about them. She, however, remained quite +calm, admitting cheerfully she <i>had</i> a good many admirers, who filled +her programme, and whom it was always pleasant to meet. Then they were +both silent and looked at each other.</p> + +<p>"Once upon a time," said Margaret, deciding at length to speak her +mind; "<i>you</i> used to be one of those who wrote on my programme. Now +you never appear anywhere. I suppose you are afraid you might have to +talk to me a little."</p> + +<p>"You are unjust," he said somewhat bitterly. "It is not kind of you to +say such things."</p> + +<p>"If a friend suddenly develops a distaste for one's company and +manifests it as markedly as you have, how can one be blind to it? You +are a changed man, Morgan. In two months you have come here once to +tea, and you had not even the decency to put on a cheerful face. Such +a lackadaisical expression you had! And not even an enquiry about my +great works. You seemed to be saying the whole time, 'How you +commonplace<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 51]</span> people depress me—me, the genius, the genius; you are +killing my inspiration.'"</p> + +<p>Something in his look checked her.</p> + +<p>"Genius suffers from fits of melancholy as well as from fits of +inspiration," he reminded her.</p> + +<p>"Poor Morgan!" said Margaret, softening. "And so you've had a fit of +melancholy! What a long one, too! All the same, I ought to reproach +you for not believing in our sympathy. Well, I suppose now I may tell +mamma not to be afraid to send you a card for our dance next month."</p> + +<p>"I had no idea your mamma was so timid a person," he said, with +successful evasion. "And how goes Chiron, how the Spanish marauder? +And how much did you get for them?" he went on gaily, in one breath. +"You see I am well posted in your affairs."</p> + +<p>"Well, since you <i>are</i> a little bit interested, come."</p> + +<p>Instinctively they looked towards the other group. Archibald still +harangued Mrs. Medhurst, endeavouring to prove to her that John's +abilities were no merit of his, any more than her beauty was a merit +of hers. A happy accident was the cause of either, and he had been +intellectually wrong in lavishing so many compliments on her during +all these years.</p> + +<p>Morgan and Margaret left the room quietly, and stole up the stairs on +tip-toe, like two children at play. Right on the top landing Margaret +threw open a door, and Morgan peered into a shadowy abyss, for the one +gaslight was round a corner by which its rays were cut off from this +part of the landing.</p> + +<p>"The candle is on a ledge in the hall," explained Mar<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 52]</span>garet, +disappearing within the darkness; and in a second he heard her strike +a light.</p> + +<p>"This is the hall," she went on. "I insisted on pa having it +partitioned off from the rest of the room—though, as you see, only by +a sort of green baize screen that doesn't reach to the ceiling. But it +makes the place ever so much more romantic."</p> + +<p>Morgan stepped into the tiny vestibule, which was fitted with a little +oak table, and passed through a door in the green baize into the attic +itself.</p> + +<p>"Was I not to be the candle-bearer?" he asked, taking the light from +her. "What a tremendous place!"</p> + +<p>"It's perfectly ripping," said Margaret, "though I reckon it won't +hold more than four of us when we're in a gay mood. That's an old +piano. It takes up a lot of room, but there's still a good deal of +thumping to be got out of it. As yet the place is quite bare, but all +next week I'm going to hunt up odd things in back streets, and when +you come again you'll be astonished at the transformation. All that +mess there covered up in the corner—well, you can guess what it +consists of."</p> + +<p>"And where are Chiron and the Spanish gentleman?"</p> + +<p>"The first casts are on the mantel yonder—lost in the gloom. Pa wants +them for the drawing-room, but I am so childishly pleased, I can't +part with them yet. The moulds were to be destroyed after sixty +examples of each had been taken. I have received twenty-five pounds +each. You see, Morgan, I, too, am a genius."</p> + +<p>On closer examination Morgan found he could conscientiously extol +Margaret's handiwork. From a technical point of view both figures were +excellent, and there<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 53]</span> was a virility and vigour in the handling which +one would scarcely have associated with the work of a young lady +modeller, and which certainly showed she had towered above her +material. The Spanish Marauder swaggered along in helmet, +breast-plate, doublet and hose, a hare and pheasant slung jauntily +over his shoulder, and his jolly, devil-may-care face, that had +evidently smelt powder, full of an arrogant self-satisfaction. The +Chiron was a strong piece of anatomical modelling. The ancient +centaur, indeed, looked very wise and very noble, and the horse into +which he merged was arranged with quiet skill in its lying posture, so +that not a line, limb, hoof or muscle struck a note of awkwardness.</p> + +<p>"Then you think I really am worth talking to—a little?" asked +Margaret.</p> + +<p>He set down the light on the mantelshelf and somehow found himself +holding her hand. Neither appeared to be aware of the fact.</p> + +<p>"My dear Margaret, I was hoping you had accepted my fit of +melancholy——"</p> + +<p>"You stupid Morgan! I only wanted you to tell me how clever I am. I am +so greedy for praise—because I haven't any of those melancholy fits, +and my vanity must be gratified <i>somehow</i>. At least, when I do have +the mopes I always know the reason, and it has never been anything +connected with my genius."</p> + +<p>"What! you don't mean to say that you ever——"</p> + +<p>"Sometimes," she interrupted. "A good deal of late, only, unlike you, +I never let anybody guess."</p> + +<p>"I thought you were a perfectly happy girl in the first flood of +enthusiasm for your work and with all those nice men to admire you."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 54]</span>Her fingers tightened perceptibly on his.</p> + +<p>"If you continue to plague me about those nice men, Morgan, you shall +not have a single dance next time, but you'll just see those nice men +get them all."</p> + +<p>"I am sure you don't look a bit as if you could devise such cruel +torture."</p> + +<p>"Would it be a very terrible punishment?"</p> + +<p>"I would do any penance to avoid it."</p> + +<p>"You'd look too comic in sackcloth and ashes. Come to my +studio-warming instead."</p> + +<p>"A charming penance, Margaret."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps we ought to go down now," she suggested, irrelevantly.</p> + +<p>He took up the light again.</p> + +<p>"Have you fixed the date for the warming?"</p> + +<p>"Impossible yet. But I'll send you——"</p> + +<p>"Not cards—now you've moved up into Bohemia!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no. A little pink note. I hope that is the correct thing in +Bohemia, or, at least, that it isn't incorrect."</p> + +<p>"In Bohemia there are no correct things."</p> + +<p>"What an awful place it must be. Whatever one does is wrong."</p> + +<p>"On the contrary, whatever one does is right."</p> + +<p>"Then all things are correct in Bohemia!"</p> + +<p>"How can that be, Margaret? There are things—no, there aren't, +and—and—I'm afraid I've got myself into an awful tangle. You've +quite turned my head with your logic."</p> + +<p>He began to move across the room towards the door.</p> + +<p>"If it's only my logic that turns your head, then I take everything +back. I won't speak to you ever again."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 55]</span>"My goodness!" began Morgan, losing his wits, forgetting he held the +candle and letting it fall. The light vanished like a spectre. "I beg +your pardon," he ejaculated, in some astonishment, whilst Margaret's +laugh rang out.</p> + +<p>Just as he stooped down to recover the candle, they became aware of +footsteps, and in a moment the handle of the outer door was being +turned.</p> + +<p>"All dark," said Diana's voice. "Then I suppose they're not here—or, +at least, I shouldn't like to think they were. I fancy Marjy put a +candle and matches on the table."</p> + +<p>They heard the sound of her fumbling, and, as if by common +understanding, they remained still as mice. Then Diana declared the +things weren't there, and Archibald suggested they might inspect the +place in the dark.</p> + +<p>"I certainly shall do nothing so improper," returned Diana severely. +"There must be match-light at least. I draw the line at that. Produce +your pretty, golden box."</p> + +<p>Diana opened the green baize door, and Archibald struck a light.</p> + +<p>"Ho, ho!" he said, playfully.</p> + +<p>"We are evidently <i>de trop</i>" said Diana. "Let us retire."</p> + +<p>"Be careful," called Margaret. "You'll burn your fingers."</p> + +<p>But the mischief was already done. Archibald uttered a "d—n," threw +down the end of the match and stamped on it wrathfully.</p> + +<p>Morgan picked up the fallen candle, lighted it and replaced it on the +mantelshelf. The wax was broken in<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 56]</span> the middle, and the top part leaned +disconsolately to one side.</p> + +<p>"We are sorry to have unwittingly interfered with your little +arrangement," said Margaret, curtseying in mock apology. "But you are +quite welcome to make free of my humble abode, so we shall leave you +in possession. Come, Morgan." And the two swept out of the room.</p> + +<p>"Come and lunch with me to-morrow at the hotel," said Archibald to +Morgan, as he got into a hansom an hour later. "We'll spend the +afternoon together. There are some points about my book I want to +settle. 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical Thinker!' Splendid title! +Morgan, you're indeed a genius. 'An attempt to investigate some +questions of primary importance that are usually shelved.' That just +hits it off—the very book I intended to write!"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 57]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.VII" id="CHAPTER_I.VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + + +<p>When his father had driven off, Morgan, seized with a restlessness, +began to stroll slowly homeward. He had at least wrung some happiness +from the evening. His love for Margaret had been strong enough to +absorb him, save when at moments his sense of his general position had +obtruded. But now he surrendered himself once more to the mood which +the events of the day had interrupted.</p> + +<p>He was again conscious of the tragedy of his past life with its +culminating episode of the evening before, and of the infinite +possibility that life held of mystery and fantasy—a mystery and +fantasy into which he was going to plunge. The hours he had just +enjoyed, he told himself, must not be allowed to influence him. They +must be sternly isolated from the future; the disattachment of the new +life before him from the wreckage of the old must be complete.</p> + +<p>Wreckage! He used the word deliberately, though he was aware there +were elements in the position that would have made his estimate of it +seem grotesque to many ears.</p> + +<p>He was the son of a father of unlimited wealth, who idolised him now. +In addition to very many acquaintanceships, both in London and the +country, that were pleasant even if they did not occupy the centre of +his consciousness, he had the friendship of Lady Thiselton<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 58]</span> and the +more intimate though less fantastic relation with the Medhursts. And, +moreover, he was in love with a beautiful and talented girl, who, he +modestly felt, had a great esteem for him—though any other eyes than +those of the diffident lover would have seen at a glance that she +loved him in return.</p> + +<p>How could all these things fail to make a man happy, especially when +the man was only twenty-eight years old?</p> + +<p>But Morgan's happiness was dependent on his attitude towards things, +not on the things themselves. And just now he but perceived all these +elements that might have made another life enviable as so many +ironies. His ambition—his self-realisation and its recognition by his +fellows—had been all in all to him; its abandonment had been the +culmination of anguish infinite. The best years of his youth had been +lost in vain effort, and some of the bitterness of early opposition +that success might have purged still lingered in his spirit. His +nature was proud and sensitive and his very failure made it impossible +for him to ask for more money, even though he knew it would be +forthcoming without stint. What wonder now if he perceived his life as +a tragedy!</p> + +<p>Common Sense would have advised him to put on one side all emotions +and moods that arose out of and summed up the past, all the subtle +feelings that possessed and mastered him; would have urged him to +begin a new epoch, seek the paternal aid, retain his friendships, and +persevere in his love; would have given him assurance of a perfectly +satisfactory outlook if he would but readjust his mental focus.</p> + +<p>But Common Sense is obtuse and safe. Morgan was a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 59]</span> mass of fine +sensibility; his temperament was full of subtle light and +shade—therefore dangerous. Plain-souled, clumsy-handed Common Sense, +with perception limited to the thick outlines of character, could not +have comprehended him, and would unwittingly have confessed it by +classifying him contemptuously.</p> + +<p>Morgan had lived his own life—felt it. His present estimation of it +was, therefore, spontaneous; not a cold estimation by mere intellect, +but a living one by his whole complex being. And, as the result, he +was meditating, at this period of pause and summing-up, to carry +forward all that Common Sense would have suppressed, and to suppress +all that Common Sense would have carried forward, to sacrifice all the +inter-relations with others that constituted his outer life—even as +he had already sacrificed the expression of his corresponding inner +life; retaining only his emotional unrest.</p> + +<p>And the seductive picture of the scented serpent-woman, ever smiling +at him now with gleaming teeth, symbolised the future for him, and +alone preserved the continuity of interest that stimulated him to go +forward at all. His attitude, in some respects, was analogous to that +of a romantic boy playing with the idea of running away from home, +drawn by visions of marvellous adventures in strange lands. The sequel +might be vague and in the clouds, but that very fact only made it the +more fascinating.</p> + +<p>His temperament had said to him that evening: "Let your business still +be poetry, but weave it out of life instead of out of words." The +thought resurged in his brain and then it struck him as crystallising +his whole<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 60]</span> feeling about the future course of his existence, as +furnishing the key to his position.</p> + +<p>To make of life a fantasy, a poem, a dream! The idea was an +illumination.</p> + +<p>But beyond a half-considered intention of changing to humbler rooms +and hiding therein from his world, he did not meditate any definite +activity. The feeling at the bottom of his mind was rather that events +would shape themselves. To this attitude of passivity his whole life +had tended. His will-strength had gone into his passionate desire of +poetic achievement, and were it not that he had, so to speak, grown +into relation with others, his life would have been utterly static. +The movement of their lives alone had taken his along. He had not the +least idea now how he was going to become acquainted with the strange +woman who filled his thoughts, but, without actually translating his +feelings on the point into definite terms, he counted it as a +certainty that a path would somehow be opened. It pleased him, too, to +think that he owed his cognisance of her existence to that first +impulse which had caused him to write to Ingram. That fantastic +initiation had set in motion fantastic life-waves that were now +flowing back to him.</p> + +<p>For others the regularities of existence, the steady round of work, +the care and hoarding of money; for him the mystery and the colour of +life!</p> + +<p>And in a flash of insight he seemed to understand that the poet in him +had already asserted itself in his life as well as in his work. Was it +not the very curiousness of his relationship with Ingram had made it +so palatable? Was it not the strangeness of his friendship with Lady<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 61]</span> +Thiselton and the originality of her personality that appealed to him +so much, and was it not his imaginative side that had always been so +pleased with both? Was it not his peculiar temperament that had always +made him keep his relation with each person a thing apart, so that +each was unaware of the others; that had made him like to feel that +his life, in a manner, was cut up into strips, along each of which he +could look back with a certain sense of completeness, though it was +only by the nice fusion of all these isolated completenesses that his +existence could be seen as a whole?</p> + +<p>But underneath the imaginative spirit of the poet lay the human spirit +of the man. And if the former predominated the latter was not entirely +dormant. If the poet in him coloured his life and thought, it was the +man in him that felt the results, so that the instincts of the poet +often clashed with the sympathies and affections of the man. Of this +discord within himself he could not help being aware, but he knew it +purely by its effect, for he had never searched deeply into the +complexity of his nature.</p> + +<p>Thus it was that the man in him was grieved at his having had to make +promises of further visits to the Medhursts; was paying for every +grain of happiness wrung from the evening by a reaction of pain +unspeakable. But the poet in him governed, was trying to suppress the +man.</p> + +<p>He was roused from his meditations by a familiar voice when he was but +a few feet from his own door.</p> + +<p>"I have been hovering about for a quarter of an hour."</p> + +<p>He was startled, then laughed. The veiled woman<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 62]</span> stood on tip-toe and +kissed him on the forehead, he stooping mechanically to meet her +movement.</p> + +<p>"You don't mind the veil?" she said.</p> + +<p>"How did you know I was not indoors and abed by this time?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"I didn't know. I only came to meditate in the moonlight. I have been +enjoying such exquisite emotions. Are you too tired for a promenade +round the circle?"</p> + +<p>He fell in with her humour.</p> + +<p>"Morgan, reproaches have been accumulating. To save time—you know I +never waste any—you shall have them all in one ferocious phrase. You +have been brutal to me of late. I don't mean to say that you've ever +ceased to be charming, but—why, at least, didn't you answer my note?"</p> + +<p>"It only came this morning," he stammered, "and I haven't had time to +read it yet."</p> + +<p>"In other words, you wrinkled your brow as soon as you saw it, made up +your mind I was beginning to be somewhat of a nuisance, and threw it +aside unopened. Of course, you forgot all about it afterwards. You +have a perfect genius for putting crude facts in a delicate way."</p> + +<p>"Another new discovery about me."</p> + +<p>"That is but the natural result of the profound thought I bestow upon +you."</p> + +<p>"Your profound thought contradicts itself. It declares me brutal and +charming with the same breath."</p> + +<p>"Profound thought always contradicts itself. I know it for a fact, +because I've been looking up Hegel. The nice things and nasty things I +say about you arise<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 63]</span> equally from my love for you, which is thus the +unifying principle. The apparent contradictoriness, therefore, +disappears in a higher synthesis."</p> + +<p>"Quarter! A man can't stand having philosophers hurled at his head."</p> + +<p>"But I kiss your head sometimes. I'm sure I'd much prefer that always, +only you goad me into the other thing."</p> + +<p>"I goad?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. By your masterly inactivity when I am concerned. I have to force +myself into your life, and after we've been chums for three years, +you, left to yourself, ignore my existence. You have such a terrible +power of negative resistance against poor, strong-willed me. But, +after all, you admire me tremendously, don't you, dear Morgan?"</p> + +<p>"I have told you scores of times you are the cleverest woman in the +kingdom."</p> + +<p>"I am the only woman who understands your poetry. I don't mean that as +a bit of sarcasm at the expense of your compliment—I merely want to +show you I deserve it."</p> + +<p>He made no reply. For a few moments there was a silence.</p> + +<p>"How reticent you are to-night!" she said at length. "You usually have +quite a deal to tell me. Are the sentimental chapters preying on your +mind? I do so much want to know about those sentimental chapters, but +you always evade the subject. Tell me, <i>are</i> there any in your life?"</p> + +<p>"Ours was to be an intellectual companionship only."</p> + +<p>"Comprising intellectual sympathy and kissing on the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 64]</span> forehead—both of +them chaste, stony, saint-like, tantalising things. But I'd be content +for the time being if I were only sure your heart were perfectly free. +I couldn't bear the thought of your making love to another woman."</p> + +<p>"You are amusing."</p> + +<p>"I am jealous."</p> + +<p>"Then you have been imagining sentimental chapters for me."</p> + +<p>"Well, being a woman of the world, thirty-three years of age—no +deception, Morgan—and, knowing you have lived twenty-eight, I +naturally suspect the existence of those chapters, you darling sphinx. +And when I suddenly come across a poem from your pen about a sweet +little girl, my suspicion becomes almost a certainty."</p> + +<p>He could not help laughing.</p> + +<p>"That sweet little girl is too concrete, too much away from your +metaphysical manner, to be a mere creation of your brain. What vexed +me particularly was that the most stupid woman I know—I mean my dear +friend Laura—admired the thing and called it a gem. Now I don't like +my monopoly threatened in that way. I have always prayed against your +own prayer. I don't want the world at large to admire you—yet. I want +you, disgusted with the world's non-acceptance of you, to find +consolation in my love. There is a fair proposal for you, Morgan. Love +me, marry me—and after that you may become as great as you like. Your +poetry as yet is my friend, but I begin to feel afraid of it when you +start pictures of sweet little girls."</p> + +<p>He did not take her the least bit seriously—he never did. Her +occasional courtship of him had been always<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 65]</span> so light and airy, so +dispassionately epigrammatic, that he looked on it as mere whimsical +banter and rather good amusement. She had plagued him into consenting +to that kiss on the forehead which she gave him each time they met, +referring to it constantly as an advantage won by hard effort. The +circumstance of their first meeting had been commonplace enough—a +chance introduction at an afternoon tea. They were friends whilst yet +utter strangers to each other, for a mutual personal magnetism had +acted immediately. He understood that her playfulness did but conceal +fine qualities of character that would have pleased even the +aphoristic moralist, whose conception of the ideal woman she +mercilessly outraged. That she had really understood and appreciated +his work naturally counted a good deal in her favour. He knew her +worth, but of course he did not want to marry her. If to-day there was +a more earnest ring than usual in her love-making, he had got too +indurated to it to believe in it.</p> + +<p>"Who <i>is</i> the sweet little girl?" she insisted. "I repeat, I am +jealous. This is my first experience of that queer emotion, for you +are the first man I have ever loved."</p> + +<p>He found this most amusing of all.</p> + +<p>"Really, Morgan, it is perfectly harassing to have one's tragedy taken +for light comedy. You know my wedded life was unhappy. The late +baronet was absolutely ignorant of Schopenhauer, and even cursed him +to my face for a madman, just because he happened to be my favourite +philosopher. Since I've dipped into Hegel, I've come largely to agree +with my husband's denunciation, though not on the same grounds. Not +that<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 66]</span> I profess to know anything either about Hegel or Schopenhauer. +Edward always thought me a blue-stocking—me, who have only a woman's +tea-table smattering of philosophy! Why, it takes all the fun out of +life to be a blue-stocking! Edward hadn't any brains. I married him +without love, and in face of his attitude towards Schopenhauer, you +may guess what chance it had of springing up. During the brilliant +years of my widow-hood—eight in number—my heart has remained +positively untouched by anybody but you. It's your childlike +helplessness that fascinates me."</p> + +<p>"You flatter me."</p> + +<p>"There are other things, of course. You've splendid large eyes and +nice, soft, silky hair, and such a pretty curl to your lip. And you've +such a charming, innocent look. If only you'd promise not to write any +more poems about sweet little girls, you'd be perfect."</p> + +<p>Whether it was that her proximity at this moment of inner perturbation +and suffering roused in him an overmastering desire for her sympathy, +or whether her last remark exercised an insidious drawing power, he +did not quite know, but he found himself saying immediately:</p> + +<p>"I can make that promise very easily. I made a bonfire last night."</p> + +<p>She understood at once.</p> + +<p>"Which explains much for which I've been reproaching you!" she +exclaimed sympathetically. "You have been suffering, dear Morgan."</p> + +<p>Her voice had grown soft and coaxing. His determination to shun +everybody could not stand against this real concern for him. In a few +words he told her of his<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 67]</span> despair and of the dubiousness of his +position. But he could not bring himself to speak of his hopeless +love, or to raise the veil that concealed his other friendships from +her. His comradeship with her had always stood for him as a thing +apart; and this attitude of his towards it had made it the more +charming. It had been quite natural for him to take it entirely by +itself and as unrelated to the rest of his external life.</p> + +<p>"But, my dear Morgan," she protested, "this can't go on. How do you +intend to live?"</p> + +<p>He was glad she did not have recourse to that crude, obvious +suggestion of his begging a replenishment from the paternal coffers. +But he did not know how to reply to her question, which rather made +him regret the turn the conversation had taken. The one future for him +was that in which floated mystically the figure of the scented +serpent-woman, and he felt that that drift of things he was relying on +had begun by a wrong move.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps I shall write stories," he hazarded.</p> + +<p>"You alarm me," she cried. "Your idea is hopelessly impracticable. How +could you possibly hope to rival the Robert Ingrams?"</p> + +<p>"The Ingrams!" he echoed, glancing at her sharply.</p> + +<p>"I only mention him because he happens to be as popular as all the +rest put together, and because I happened to make his acquaintance +some time back."</p> + +<p>Morgan made no remark. He was relieved at her explanation, about which +there was nothing surprising, for he well knew that Ingram moved in +high social latitudes.</p> + +<p>"Besides," she went on, "you would naturally be tempted to draw women +like me, which would simply be courting extinction. Of course, in +Ingram's novels no<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 68]</span> fashionable lady ever does the things I do, and the +critics would insist I was an utter impossibility. Now, as to the +fifty pounds you've got—before long the sin of that borrowing will +rise up against you and you'll be signing again, signing away whole +pounds of your flesh. And I daresay you overlook you've various little +debts. No doubt you owe your tailor, say a year's account, and then +your rooms are pretty expensive, and quarter-day has a spiteful habit +of swooping down on one four times a year, and—and you mustn't have +to bother your pretty head about all these sordid things."</p> + +<p>This was somewhat of an appalling speech for Morgan, who certainly did +not want to cheat his creditors. And, indeed, it now occurred to him +that he must be indebted to his tailor for quite a large amount. +Although his horror of debts was far above the average, he never +realised the conception "money" as ordinary people realise it. So far +as it figured in his thoughts at all, money was a gorgeous, poetic +unit—the treasure of romance, the gold and silver of fairyland. In +practice, the very abundance of it at his command had till lately kept +his attention from dwelling on it; just as it did not dwell on, say, +the second toe of his left foot—an equally constant factor in his +existence—till some pain might make him aware it was there. His +present forced awareness of the prosaic side of the notion "money" +gave him somewhat of a sense of being caught amid a swirl of +storm-blown icicles.</p> + +<p>"The remedy is simple," he said, at last.</p> + +<p>"It is. I have forty thousand a year. Marry me for my money."</p> + +<p>"Declined, with thanks."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 69]</span>"So blunt, yet so pointed. A pity it's not original. But I know what +you meant by your remedy. You don't see it would be a double crime, +and you are too good a man even to commit a single one."</p> + +<p>"You mean——"</p> + +<p>"I mean I should follow you. It would be just lovely to be rowed +across the Styx together. Of course, I should have to pay your +obolus."</p> + +<p>"It is getting late. I really think we ought to turn back."</p> + +<p>Lady Thiselton sighed.</p> + +<p>"I must confess I am dejected," she said. "I should like to have a +quiet cry. What are you going to do, Morgan?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing."</p> + +<p>But he knew that would mean bankruptcy, and he had also an unpleasant +conviction that she meant what she said about following him.</p> + +<p>"And even if we did go to throw sugar to Cerberus, your father would +step in and inherit your debts, and you will have sacrificed us both +in vain. The result is the same, whether we go to Whitechapel or to +the other place. You can't make it otherwise. Now, if you won't let me +be your wife, at least let me be a sort of mother to you."</p> + +<p>Her thought met his just at the right junction. He did not answer +because her argument was unanswerable. How else avoid coming on the +paternal purse again?</p> + +<p>"I am only asking you, Morgan, to let me help you live just as you +want to live."</p> + +<p>She spoke with pleading and humility.</p> + +<p>"We shall be towards each other just as we are now,"<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 70]</span> she continued, +"and although I intended to torment you till you agreed I was worth an +occasional kiss on the forehead in return for mine—which would not at +all take us out of the platonic, or rather plutonic, regions in which +you so sternly insist we must abide—I shall give you my word to cease +from active hostilities for six whole months. Just think—I undertake +to be content for the next six months with kissing you on the forehead +once each time. Is that not sufficiently an earnest of my good faith?"</p> + +<p>Again he gave her no answer, and, in the silence that followed, their +footsteps seemed to be echoed back to them. Since to die were futile, +let it be she rather than another that helped him to live. She was a +good friend and a loyal one. Of course, it was repugnant to take money +from a woman, but to take it from anybody else would be still more +repugnant.</p> + +<p>"As is usually the case in life," she again chimed in his thought, +"the choice is not between the good and the less good, but between the +bad and the worse. Believe me, I understand and sympathise with your +hesitations. But between such friends as we are and such original +people to boot, scruples of a conventional kind ought not to enter. +With us money should count for nothing. So please don't choose 'the +worse,' and perhaps 'the bad' won't turn out so very bad after all."</p> + +<p>Still he could not prevail upon himself to accept her generosity, +though conscious he was undeserving of her long-sufferance.</p> + +<p>"If I could but see the least prospect of repaying you, I should not +hesitate so much," he said at last.</p> + +<p>"My dear Morgan, in life one mustn't look too far<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 71]</span> ahead, else +existence becomes impossible. Let us not bother too much about the +future, but let us seize the flying moments; which means we ought to +go to Whitechapel on Thursday and spend a happy day."</p> + +<p>He was still lost in thought.</p> + +<p>"And your silence—may I put the usual interpretation on it?"</p> + +<p>"I suppose so," he said, shame-facedly. "Please don't think me +ungracious," he added.</p> + +<p>"You very dear person!" she cried; and after that they walked for +fully five minutes without exchanging a word.</p> + +<p>The matter had been decided and, according to their wont, there was no +further manifestation, no further reference to it on either side. Each +understood the other's emotions, and that sufficed.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 72]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.VIII" id="CHAPTER_I.VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + + +<p>"Shall I put you into a hansom?" said Morgan, looking at his watch as +they passed out of the park. "It is getting on towards two."</p> + +<p>"Mayn't I come in and smoke a cigarette?" pleaded Lady Thiselton. "My +nerves have been tried a little, and a few minutes' rest will soothe +me."</p> + +<p>"I fear the lady of the house would not approve."</p> + +<p>"Oh! we shall creep in quietly without disturbing her pious dreams. Do +be nice, Morgan. You know I never smoke any other cigarettes than +yours—I am never wicked except in your company."</p> + +<p>They entered almost noiselessly.</p> + +<p>"How silent the night is," she remarked, "and what a feeling of +sleeping multitudes there is in the air! Suppose the morrow should +dawn and they should never awaken. I am shivering. Your room is cold, +though the moonlight is quite pretty."</p> + +<p>He lighted his reading lamp under its big, green shade. She would not +have the gas—she liked the room full of dusk and shadow. The fire was +ready laid, and Morgan put a match to it, after which he proceeded to +look for the cigarettes. When eventually he turned towards her, he +uttered a suppressed exclamation.</p> + +<p>She had taken off her heavy cloak and her hat and thrown them +carelessly on a chair. She now stood a little to the left of the fire, +her face half turned towards it, and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 73]</span> was busy removing her long +gloves. Her features, amid which nestled mystic trembling shadows, +showed bloodless, as though carved of ivory, and her great, dark brown +eyes were wonderfully soft and caressing. Her hair ran in a flowing +curve off the warm white pallor of her brow till it was lost beyond +the ear. Almost on top of her head it lay in a coil, bound with a +wide, green velvet band that was fastened in front with a great +emerald. Her throat, neck and shoulders rose with the same dull, +smooth whiteness, and with an exquisite firmness, from the strange, +green velvet costume it had pleased her to wear, and were set in its +gold border that glowed and sparkled with smaller emeralds. The robe +curved in at the waist, defining the adorable grace of her figure and +falling to the ground in gleaming folds and strange contrasts of light +and shade. And on each side hung a long, open sleeve with bright +yellow lining spread out to the view—a wide, descending sweep of gold +in glistening contrast with the deep green of the costume.</p> + +<p>She had now placed her gloves on the same chair, and her long, bare +arms showed in all the firm beauty of warm ivory tones, without a +touch of rose in their whole length, even to the very finger tips. A +thick, gold bracelet encircled the wrist of her right hand. On the +other hand the gleam of ornament was given by the wedding ring and a +similar ring on the same finger set with a limpid diamond.</p> + +<p>"Well," she said, smiling.</p> + +<p>"You have taken me unawares. One moment you are a soberly clad person, +and the next a queenly blaze."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 74]</span>"The moonlight is really wonderful. Turn out the lamp and let me play +the 'Moonlight Sonata.'"</p> + +<p>"No, smoke your cigarette instead," he suggested.</p> + +<p>"You are afraid I might cause the good lady pleasant dreams instead of +pious ones. Thank you, dear."</p> + +<p>He held her a light, and, after she had taken a puff or two, she +passed her cigarette to him.</p> + +<p>"Your tribute, Morgan," she demanded.</p> + +<p>He took a puff and passed it back to her. Then, when she had smoked a +little:</p> + +<p>"It is delicious," she said. "Your lips have given it their sweetness +of honey, their fragrance of myrrh."</p> + +<p>She leaned leisurely against the mantel, whilst he drew a chair for +himself to the opposite corner of the fire. The great emerald gleamed +through a dainty cloud of smoke.</p> + +<p>"It is lovely here," she said at last. "Such moments as these are the +happiest of my life. One's nature must rebel sometimes against being +driven along the prescribed lines. There are sides to one's soul, +absolutely unallowed for in the ordinary scheme of civilized +existence. But instead of letting me moralise, you might be saying +some nice things."</p> + +<p>"About what?"</p> + +<p>"About me, of course."</p> + +<p>"Oh! I am enjoying the spectacle you present."</p> + +<p>"I built a palace in the air, and, lo and behold! it has proved to be a real + palace. I went up to my room to-night and was feeling fanciful and sentimental, + which means, of course, I was thinking about you. And then I imagined this whole + scene—only a little different; I in this dress, and you at my feet, worshipping + me and call<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 75]</span>ing me all sorts of sweet names. And I was coy and held back!"</p> + +<p>She paused a moment and laughed merrily.</p> + +<p>"Of course," she went on, "I could not resist putting on the costume +in order to get nearer the real feeling of such a scene, and it was so +delicious that I at once wrapped myself up and come here in a cab. The +maid told me you were not expected till late. It's very amusing, by +the way—that girl really believes I'm your sister! So I made a +descent on dear, stupid Laura—the admirer of your sweet-little-girl +poem—and whiled away an hour or so. All muffled up, of course. Her +heart's weak, you know. Then I strolled back here. And now my +imaginary scene is being enacted. Not exactly as I imagined it, but I +know the realities of existence and the usual tragic fate of +expectations, and so I have reason to feel ecstatic over the result. +Besides, I think I really do look very nice. The contractor for the +clay must accidentally have supplied a little of the first quality at +the time I was made. He must have torn his hair on finding out the +mistake. Come, Morgan, kiss me on the forehead."</p> + +<p>She put the cigarette on the mantel, prettily blew away the smoke, and +held her two splendid arms towards him. But he did not move.</p> + +<p>"I'll even put on the veil and keep my hands behind me, like a good +child."</p> + +<p>"Helen! Please," he protested.</p> + +<p>"Forgive me," she said, and there was a strain of pathos in her voice. +"For the moment I forgot my promise—I was fancying this was a mere +continuation of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 76]</span> my vision. But I shall not do it again—I shall bite +out my tongue first."</p> + +<p>He was moved, and awoke to the understanding that he had not yet +estimated, according to the ordinary reckoning of the world, the +pecuniary favour he had accepted from her. The fact that he felt shame +at the resource of which circumstances forced him to avail himself +could not affect his sense of her nobility, and it was a true instinct +of gratitude that made him rise in order to bestow what she had ceased +to demand. But, somewhat to his astonishment, she waved him back.</p> + +<p>"No, Morgan; I really meant what I said, and you must not think I am +only tricky."</p> + +<p>After which he felt forced to pin her to her request, protesting her +honesty was not in dispute.</p> + +<p>"You know I am to be trusted," she whispered demurely. "I am so glad +you did not insist on the veil. I must really smoke another cigarette +to get calm; I am as agitated as a girl getting her first kiss."</p> + +<p>"And I'll smoke another to keep you company," he said.</p> + +<p>"Let us meet clandestinely somewhere on Thursday about ten o'clock," +she said a little later. "It makes it ever so much more piquant to +proceed mysteriously. We shall lunch in those parts. I must be home +again by five, as I have a small dinner-party. I have an idea, Morgan. +One of my men writes he won't be able to turn up. You've never dined +at my house in state. Come and fill the vacant place."</p> + +<p>He shook his head. His instinct was to refuse without considering. She +insisted a little, but, seeing his<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 77]</span> heart was against it, left the +subject, turning gaily to something else.</p> + +<p>Soon he went out with her and saw her into a hansom. It was past two +when he bade her good-night, having agreed to a rendezvous for +Thursday in the heart of the city.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 78]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I.IX" id="CHAPTER_I.IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + + +<p>It was a little past mid-day, and Archibald Druce, who had returned an +hour before from an early morning professional appointment with +Medhurst, was feeling restless and lonely. Morgan was not due till +half-past one, and so the old man wandered disconsolately about the +hotel, seeking some congenial spirit with whom to hold converse. At +length, peering into the smoking-room, he discovered a white-haired, +stately gentleman, with a somewhat military air, whose grave +appearance was encouraging. With him Archibald began an exchange of +civilities, and very soon launched out into an account of his +interview of that morning.</p> + +<p>"I assure you, my dear sir," said the banker, though the other had not +questioned the fact in any way, "I can see absolutely nothing. The +room is a perfect blur, and I fear I dare not venture out into these +crowded London thoroughfares for the rest of the day. The worst of it +is that the introduction of the cocaine into my eyes has been of no +avail. Of course my eminent friend could not know I was possessed of +such remarkable eyes, and as it was necessary for him to see into +them, no blame attaches to him for having adopted the usual means of +causing my extremely small pupils to expand. Now the curious point is +that my pupils were totally unaffected by the cocaine, and I fear my +eminent friend had to work on me under difficulties. The couple of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 79]</span> +hours I spent with him in his wonderful workroom have, however, proved +exceedingly profitable to me. I assure you, my dear sir, they have +been most instructive."</p> + +<p>"No doubt," said the military person, his fingers fidgetting uneasily +with his newspaper.</p> + +<p>"Between ourselves," continued Archibald confidentially, "I rather +imagine that my friend enjoyed the time I spent with him. It is not +often he gets a really intelligent patient to work on—in fact, he +found me so appreciative that he exhibited especially some profoundly +interesting experiments. Amongst other things, he threw a gigantic +representation of my retinal system of blood vessels on to a white +screen merely by turning a strong light sideways into my eye. And the +explanation of it was quite simple. The retinal vessels stand out +slightly in relief, and thus a perfect shadow of the system is cast on +the retina. It was this shadow I saw, and the white screen was merely +a convenient background for it. I don't know if I make myself clear."</p> + +<p>"Perfectly clear, perfectly," said the military person.</p> + +<p>"Indeed, John Medhurst seemed quite loth to part with me. I quite +believe he enjoyed the experiments as much as I did. He brought out +his books and very kindly allowed me to inspect the plates—and +extraordinarily fine plates they are!—and thus acquire some idea of +the inner mechanism of the human eye. What a truly wonderful place the +universe is—wonderful!"</p> + +<p>"That no intelligent man can deny," said the military person.</p> + +<p>"My friend holds a most distinguished position in his profession, and +I esteem it a great honour and privilege to be on such intimate terms +with him," said Archibald,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 80]</span> offering a cigar to the other and lighting +one himself. "Now you know," he went on, in a somewhat softened and +more intimate tone; "there's quite a little bit of a romance in the +story of our friendship."</p> + +<p>"Indeed," said the military person more genially, his palate savouring +the exquisite aroma of the cigar.</p> + +<p>Archibald smiled tenderly.</p> + +<p>"His wife's an old flame of mine," he explained, veiling his emotion +with jocular phraseology. "An old flame, did I say? I'm still over +head and heels in love with her. But I was too late—she and John had +already made their little arrangements. And very soon after John and I +became friends, and friends we've remained to this day. Kate has two +of the loveliest girls, and I'm hanged if I'm not head over heels in +love with them as well. The younger one is a regular little +she-devil!"</p> + +<p>"Ha! ha! ha!" guffawed the military person.</p> + +<p>"Upon my honour she is," insisted Archibald. "Why, she flirts +outrageously with me. I'm sure I don't know how many heads the little +witch is going to turn when she grows up. And her sister, Margaret—I +couldn't tell you which of the two I like the better—has quite an +extraordinary talent for plastic art. I mean to give her a commission +before I return to my place. I'd like for one thing to have a bust of +her mother in my study—that would be so inspiring. And long ago I +took a fancy to have a nice sphinx. A thing of that kind, you know, is +good to remind one of man's intellectual limitations."</p> + +<p>"I suppose so," said the military person, vaguely.</p> + +<p>"Her figures are extremely lifelike. Just imagine, a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 81]</span> thing cast in +dead bronze to have all the reality of life so that you would almost +expect it to move."</p> + +<p>"She must be a highly-gifted young lady."</p> + +<p>"You will scarcely credit it, my dear sir, but she is only +nineteen—on my word of honour," said Archibald with growing +enthusiasm. "Only the other day she sold two of her things for +twenty-five pounds apiece. Twenty-five pounds apiece!" he repeated +slowly, as if that represented to him a gigantic amount. "The examples +are to be strictly limited to sixty of each, after which the moulds +are to be destroyed. They are both magnificent pieces of work. Why, +you fancy you almost hear Chiron's voice and the twanging of his +harp."</p> + +<p>"Indeed," said the military person.</p> + +<p>"She is perfectly sweet and beautiful as well as clever," went on +Archibald. "Now my dog of a boy, between ourselves—ha! ha! ha!——"</p> + +<p>"He's a bit smitten?" suggested the military person.</p> + +<p>Archibald laughed gleefully. "And I fancy that a certain clever young +lady of nineteen who knows how to model is also a bit smitten. Only my +boy doesn't seem to come to the point. But then he's a poet."</p> + +<p>"A what?" inquired the military person, startled.</p> + +<p>"A poet," stoutly repeated Archibald. "And a very great poet, I +venture to assert, he will be one of these fine days. Naturally he is +not a man of action—he is a dreamer. But when I wanted Kate I wasn't +satisfied just to go on dreaming about her—ha! ha! Now if my boy +would only stop dreaming and just get married instead, I'd settle as +much on them as ever they'd want. You see, a genius like my son," he +went on, lowering his voice almost to a whisper, "must be exempt from +the sordid<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 82]</span> cares of money-earning, and my eminent friend, though his +position in life is an extremely honourable one, is not a man of +means. He may have put by a bit out of his hard-earned income, but, as +I always say to him, he wants that against a rainy day. But it's no +use my talking to him—he will keep on worrying about his girls having +no fortunes. 'And suppose they don't marry,' says he; and I have +positively to laugh him into a more cheerful mood. 'Don't be a fool, +John,' I say to him, 'those two girls are worth all the fortunes in +the world, and the man who didn't think as much wouldn't be worth +marrying.'"</p> + +<p>"Your views are extremely generous," said the military person. "They +do you credit."</p> + +<p>"Not at all, my dear sir," said Archibald, looking pleased; "my views +are simply rational. I consider the blind worship of mere money an +utter mistake. There are higher things in life. I may say I am in +entire sympathy with my son's aspirations. By the way, it occurs to me +that the extraordinary refusal of my pupils to expand under cocaine +may be but another manifestation of the remarkable nervous system that +characterises my family. It may be connected in some mysterious way +with my son's genius. But possibly, sir, you may know my son?"</p> + +<p>"I fear I have not that honour. I know only one literary gentleman—he +is the editor of the 'Christian Bugle.' Might I suggest that we +exchange cards?"</p> + +<p>"Willingly," said Archibald. "Very happy to make your acquaintance, +Major Hemming," he resumed, after the mutual self-introduction had +been effected. "My son is to be here shortly, when you will have the +oppor<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 83]</span>tunity of meeting him. Perhaps you will do us the honour of +lunching with us?"</p> + +<p>"I should be delighted, but unfortunately I am lunching with a +friend."</p> + +<p>"I am sorry we are not to have the pleasure," said Archibald. "But +perhaps you would like a copy of my son's book. It is but a small +volume, as you see." And Archibald pulled the parchment-bound, +deckle-edged booklet from his outer breast pocket. "Don't hesitate, my +dear sir, it will give me pleasure if you will accept it."</p> + +<p>"You are most kind," said the Major. "I shall look forward to reading +it with the utmost pleasure."</p> + +<p>"I am sure you will agree that only a genius could have written those +poems," said Archibald.</p> + +<p>"I have no doubt but what I shall form a high opinion of your son's +gifts," said the Major.</p> + +<p>"Being of a literary temperament myself," went on Archibald, "I +happily have been able to appreciate his. I do not want him to work +for money, and I have, therefore, put him on a sound financial basis. +So far, he appeals only to a very select section of the public. But he +has not written a line which he has not been inspired to write. As +regards the general public—I myself, in my humble way, have become +aware of the indifference and stupidity of the general public. When, +after thorough re-examination of every point of my mental position, I +try and speak plainly to such of my fellow-men as I have the +opportunity of addressing, I am met with an absolute want of +intelligent comprehension. However, I intend to say what I have to +say, and I am now at work on a volume, the nature of which you will +sufficiently gather from its title: 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical +Thinker<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 84]</span>—an attempt to investigate some questions of primary +importance that are usually shelved.'"</p> + +<p>"An excellent idea, sir."</p> + +<p>"To give you an example of the narrowness even of people who occupy a +high position in the social sphere, whenever I have ventured to assert +my sincere belief that children should be instructed in life by means +of competent handbooks instead of being allowed to pick up their +knowledge in a haphazard, more or less dangerous fashion, I have been +met with a frigid politeness, behind which the shocked disapproval was +but too manifest."</p> + +<p>"Humph!" said the Major. "I must confess your proposition is certainly +a startling one."</p> + +<p>"It is a common-sense one," said Archibald, curtly.</p> + +<p>"Pardon me," said the Major, somewhat stiffly, "but I do think that in +the interests of morality and religion it would be exceedingly +unfortunate if your ideas were generally adopted."</p> + +<p>"I am perfectly prepared to argue the point," said Archibald, drawing +himself up, whilst his eye flashed with the light of battle.</p> + +<p>"I fear I have no time just now," said the Major, glancing at his +watch. "I must be off. I wish you a very good morning, sir."</p> + +<p>"Morgan, my boy," cried the banker, when that gentleman at last +appeared, "I've spent the last hour tackling one of the most terrible +Philistines I have ever met."</p> + + +<div class="center"><strong>END OF BOOK I.</strong></div> +<p> </p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 85]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BOOK_II" id="BOOK_II"></a>BOOK II.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 86]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 25%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 87]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II.I" id="CHAPTER_II.I"></a>CHAPTER I</h2> + + +<p>"Which way do we go?" asked Lady Thisleton, as they stood hesitating +at a crossing-stage in Broad Street, City. "Wouldn't it be nice to +stay here and philosophise?"</p> + +<p>She was dressed as plainly as possible in a dark brown coat and skirt, +and wore a small hat and veil, so that she was not in the least +conspicuous. Both she and Morgan, having entered on the day's +adventure, were determined to enjoy it, though his mood was far from +being whole-hearted. And, as they surveyed the slow medley of +omnibuses that moved between them and the pavement they were struck by +the scene in the same impersonal way. They did not feel that they +formed any part of it; they saw it as with the eyes of a floating, +invisible spirit. To them it was collective movement and +colour—movement in the hurrying streams pouring from every exit of +the giant stations, in the massed chaos of vehicles, in the sense of +bustle and business and purpose; colour in the crudities of blue, +green, yellow, red, that flared from omnibuses and shop windows, and +that yet were fused into the dun monochrome of town, to the +overwhelming sense of which asphalt and paving and street lamp and +stone buildings and sober costumes all contributed, and with which the +very hubbub seemed to blend.</p> + +<p>A vague feeling of tragedy seemed to invade them as their eyes rested +on all this life; but it was the result of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 88]</span> an intellectual perception, +not of a sympathetic realisation and comprehension of this throbbing +reality. As for Morgan, the scene made him remember he had once tried +to wrestle with political economy and had disliked it tremendously, +and the thought made him smile.</p> + +<p>"Why do you smile?" said Lady Thiselton. "Certainly it is not gay +here. I feel quite overwhelmed. All these faces—pre-occupied, +cheerful, sad, worn, despairing, hopeful, starved, well-fed—suggest +such a whirl. I invent a whole biography for each one that catches my +eye. I wonder how far I am right—I who am only a woman of the world; +which means I know nothing of life outside of my own four walls and a +few other four walls that more or less resemble them. But it's all +really lovely, isn't it, Morgan? What suffering must be here! You +can't imagine how I'm enjoying everything. Of course I sympathise as +well. But mine is a sort of artistic sympathy. I'm not noble enough to +feel the real thing. Isn't it all interesting?"</p> + +<p>"There's a policeman staring at us suspiciously."</p> + +<p>"Then we'd better move on. The good policeman's dream of paradise must +be a place in which he is the one static soul and in which the blest +keep passing on to all eternity."</p> + +<p>They crossed the road and moved along with the crowd. The bells of St. +Botolph's struck ten as they turned into Bishopsgate.</p> + +<p>"I feel the mediæval spirit coming on and begin to see visions of +highly-coloured Lord Mayors and aldermen and burghers and beef-eaters. +And somehow Dick Whittington and his cat are mixed up with it all, and +exhibitions with glass roofs and careful craftsmen and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 89]</span> apprentices, +and Christopher Wren. Alas and alack! Where is old London?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know," said Morgan. "But I do know where Whitechapel is. We +have to pass through Houndsditch. I looked it up on the map to refresh +my memory. I have always found Houndsditch a disappointment."</p> + +<p>"So have I," said Lady Thiselton. "It is every bit as uninspiring as a +West End street. Some of the side alleys look interesting though, but +then such strange people seem to be in absolute possession, and you +feel you have no right to set foot within their territory. I am really +a fearful coward."</p> + +<p>They walked on silently.</p> + +<p>"Why don't you contradict me, Morgan, and tell me I'm brave? You never +voluntarily pay me a compliment. If I want compliments I have to put +them before you as so many propositions, to which, being a truthful +person, you are forced to give your assent."</p> + +<p>"You are brave," said Morgan.</p> + +<p>"Thank you. Every stone in this part of the city has its associations, +its traditions, its history. And then there are venerable churches +isolated amid the serried buildings of commerce, with charming bits of +hidden green and trees. I'm chattering away like a country cousin come +up to see the sights of London town and to carry back its fifteenth +century flavour. Let us forget history and tradition, and let us get +an unadulterated vision of the modern. Here is a nice place to stand."</p> + +<p>They had turned into Aldgate and had gone some distance in the +direction of Whitechapel, and the new scene had a character of its +own. Both felt the spirit of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 90]</span> toil here, where the grime of industry +struck a coarser and somberer note.</p> + +<p>"I feel a million miles from home, which is just what I want to feel," +declared Lady Thiselton. "And there is quite a market place opposite, +and bookstalls. This is just what Browning could have described. Why +did he not come here for inspiration? Here, too, he might have found a +square, old yellow book and paid eightpence for it, and tossed it in +the air and caught it again and twirled it about by the crumpled +vellum covers, and could have wandered on reading it through a +perilous path of fire-irons, tribes of tongs, shovels in sheaves, +skeleton bedsteads, wardrobe drawers agape, and cast clothes +a-sweetening in the sun. But the crowd is really too thick to walk +amongst. As we are on pleasure bent, let us be recklessly extravagant +and take a twopenny ride on top of a tram-car."</p> + +<p>Morgan admitted he was beginning to find it unpleasant to be at such +close quarters with the crowd. Some of the people he was brushing up +against, he complained, were not too scrupulously clean.</p> + +<p>"No doubt," he added, "I shall find them with their mysterious bundles +more picturesque from a distance."</p> + +<p>"Why some of them are quite spick and span with their polished silk +hats, and there are any number of pretty girls. The shops, too, seem +quite attractive. I can even imagine myself living here for a time, +cannot you?"</p> + +<p>"Let us get on our tram car. That may give my imagination the +necessary stimulus."</p> + +<p>At first they had the top all to themselves, and were borne smoothly +onwards, cutting through the very centre of the turmoil. The red brick +church was the furthest<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 91]</span> point she had ever reached in the East of +London, Lady Thiselton informed Morgan. She had been in the +neighbourhood two or three times in company with her husband, who had +been interested in a sort of mission and dispensary combined, his idea +being not only to make wicked people religious, but to irritate the +devil by keeping their souls out of his clutch as long as possible.</p> + +<p>"Now it is only like the High Street of a big provincial town," she +commented, after they had passed the London Hospital. "I think it's +getting monotonous."</p> + +<p>Three begrimed, strapping youths came clambering up noisily and, +sitting immediately in front of them, continued a conversation about a +certain "she." Their vocabulary became so offensive that Lady +Thiselton whispered she thought it perfectly improper for a lady to +keep on looking at the backs of men's necks on the top of a car, in +full view of the whole world.</p> + +<p>They descended and strolled on further. There was no crowd now to +hinder them, and they were curious to see what this far-stretching +thoroughfare led to.</p> + +<p>"So far it seems a broad stretch of mean quaintness. I had no idea +London was so big. And what grimy side streets! I shudder to think of +the grimy network that lies on either hand. Morgan, I feel a very +immoral person."</p> + +<p>"Your emotions are strangely unpredictable."</p> + +<p>"What right have I to forty thousand a year when there are people +starving in these back streets?" asked Lady Thiselton indignantly. "I +am going to turn Socialist."</p> + +<p>"You are not."</p> + +<p>"I am."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 92]</span>"You'll never abandon individualism."</p> + +<p>"Of course not. I'd never think of parting with that. But I really +don't see why I shouldn't be a Socialist as well. I pity those poor, +benighted beings that have room in their narrow souls for only one set +of opinions. I like to be everything, to hold every 'ism,' and to be +labelled all over with every 'ist,' like the window of that +'eating-house' yonder. Which reminds me of my dinner party to-night. +Isn't it terrible to eat in Belgrave Square when some people have to +eat in a place like that. It's positively wicked. I have an idea. I +think I can't do better than inaugurate my new 'ism' by lunching there +to-day. Suppose we do so on our way back."</p> + +<p>"But <i>I</i> never confessed to be converted to socialism," he protested.</p> + +<p>"Why it's a dear little eating-house, a perfect love of a place."</p> + +<p>"I take it for granted you wish to meet your guests to-night with a +smiling face," he warned her.</p> + +<p>"The consciousness of having had the courage of my 'ism' will fill me +with such a glow of goodness that I cannot fail to appear a veritable +Madonna. Of course, you know I am counting on you."</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"Yes."</p> + +<p>"No."</p> + +<p>"But I haven't filled up the place. I've been relying on nagging you +into coming."</p> + +<p>"You know I don't want to," he grumbled yieldingly.</p> + +<p>"But I want you to. Don't be angry, dear," she went on, coaxingly. +"Haven't I amused you the whole time?"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 93]</span>He ended by promising to come, if not incapacitated by the lunch, and +felt fairly secure of passing the evening at home.</p> + +<p>After they had wandered about for some time longer and had paid +pennies to see a curious compound animal, a sort of ox, sheep, horse, +donkey and goat rolled into one, and an abnormally fat woman, more +decently clad than the life-size coloured picture of her in the window +had led them to imagine, they invaded the love of an eating-house. +They stepped within the threshold firmly enough, but then stood +hesitant. The place gave them a general sense of brownness. It was the +old-fashioned style of coffee-house, with a sanded pathway down the +middle and a row of stalls on either side, each separated from its +neighbours by tall partitions. Everything was of a dirty brown, +panelling, partitions, benches and the bare tables. A brown light came +through the dingy windows, and the very odours that hung in the dingy +atmosphere suggested the same tint.</p> + +<p>A coatless, aproned waiter emerged from the back to greet the first +mid-day customers, and, in reply to their enquiry for lunch, invited +them to be seated within one of the stalls. After he had wiped their +table he disappeared, and he returned in a moment with a table cloth, +followed by a shorter and stouter man, also in shirt sleeves. They +began to see they had made an impression, and were to be served in +accordance with the host's sense of the fitness of things.</p> + +<p>The proprietor—for such the stout man was—by way of special +civility, remarked that it was fine weather, and asked what he might +get them.</p> + +<p>"The correct thing," said Lady Thiselton; and, on the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 94]</span> man staring, +"what everybody usually has here," she added, in explanation.</p> + +<p>"Boiled beef and suet to-day, or roast beef and Yorkshire, or chops +and steaks," enumerated the man.</p> + +<p>So "boiled beef and suet" was ordered on the assumption it was the +correct thing, and, while the waiter was busy getting it, the +proprietor felt it his duty to entertain them till it came.</p> + +<p>"His intentions were no doubt strictly honourable, but, Morgan, do you +think we shall have to talk to people like that when socialism is +established? My goodness!" she exclaimed, examining the slices of meat +closely. "What are those green streaks?"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps that's perfectly right. The green streaks—like the boiled +carrot—may be just a little surprise by way of extra. Neither is +included in the description of the dish."</p> + +<p>"Morgan, I really don't think I can eat this," she said faintly.</p> + +<p>"Backsliding already?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all. You forget I'm a bundle of 'isms,' and in practice one +can only be true to one at a time. When that one begins to make me +feel uncomfortable, I become true to another. Thus I am always true to +myself. All the mutually contradictory 'isms' unite in a higher +synthesis. Am I not the most lovely higher synthesis you ever saw?"</p> + +<p>"All of which Hegelian dialectics mean that I'd better tell them to +take this stuff away."</p> + +<p>"If you think they won't maltreat us. They look terribly fierce; and +they may have any number of myr<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 95]</span>midons within call. That sort of +people, you know, doesn't like to have its cooking criticised."</p> + +<p>"So long as we pay, we'll not find them too sensitive."</p> + +<p>The matter was soon arranged, they adopting the man's suggestion of a +"nice, juicy steak." And when it arrived they felt compelled to +pronounce it excellent.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't be surprised if those green streaks were the proper thing +after all," said Lady Thiselton.</p> + +<p>"Doubtless we have missed some extraordinary delicacy," said Morgan. +"But please tell me which particular 'ism' is in possession at the +moment. I am not quite clear on the point."</p> + +<p>"That is just my state of mind. But I fancy that, at the present +moment, I am given over to emotion rather than to thought. This +interior is affecting me artistically. I was just thinking what a +lovely Dutch picture it would make. But I really am sincere about my +'isms.' The arguments in favour of any one 'ism' are unanswerable, and +I have to admit the truth of each, whenever I consider it. All human +thought ends in the blind alley of Paradox. Hegel was a word-juggler. +Nice phrases are pleasing, but let us not take them seriously."</p> + +<p>And Lady Thiselton proceeded to utter a good many "nice phrases," +which Morgan found pleasing, and did not take seriously. Customers +dropped in by ones and twos till at length all the other stalls were +filled, everybody instinctively avoiding the stall where a tablecloth +gleamed its white warning. When some men, having eaten, began smoking +their clays, Lady Thiselton's sharp ear detected some speculative +remarks about herself and Morgan, tinged with facetiousness and gore. +She there<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 96]</span>upon suggested she was pining for something mystic and +spiritualistic, being quite tired of this realistic interior.</p> + +<p>"I am trying to banish it by contemplating the Blessed Damozel," she +said, and quoted whisperingly:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"'The Blessed Damozel leaned out</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">From the gold bar of Heaven;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Her eyes were deeper than the depth</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Of waters stilled at even;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">She had three lilies in her hand,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And the stars in her hair were seven.'"</span><br /> +</p> +<p> </p> + +<p>A moment later they stepped out into the afternoon light that nearly +blinded them with its mournful glare. But a heavy sadness had +descended on Morgan. The lines Lady Thiselton had whispered to him had +set him thinking of Margaret.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 97]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II.II" id="CHAPTER_II.II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + + +<p>The same evening, Morgan, not feeling any alarming symptoms, had to +carry out his promise to join Lady Thiselton's little dinner party. +She received him with a formality that made him laugh inwardly—and +almost outwardly. But the impulse died away as with a start he +perceived that Robert Ingram was in the drawing-room. He reflected, +however, that, though the encounter was an unexpected one, there was +nothing very astonishing about it. Helen had herself told him she had +made the novelist's acquaintance, and to find him dining at her house +was no matter for surprise. The position, nevertheless, was a most +curious one, especially when their hostess unsuspectingly introduced +the two men. Ingram's manner was a little bit bewildered, as if—from +his knowledge of Morgan—he feared the latter might make a scene by +dramatically cutting him.</p> + +<p>However, nothing of the kind happened, Morgan behaving with perfect +gravity. He had to give his arm to Mrs. Blackstone—Helen's dear +friend, Laura, of whom she had spoken to him as the most stupid woman +she knew. He would have welcomed the opportunity of talking to +her—for he was sure her conception of Helen would be astonishingly +amusing, but he had a feeling that something important was going to +arise from his coming here to-night, and that there were possibilities +of explosion in the position. This gave him a general<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 98]</span> sense of +expectant excitement, so that at first he was a little bit impatient +of Mrs. Blackstone's remarks. He learnt that she admired intensely +that sweet little poem of his, and that she had been longing to meet +the writer; also that reading was a great blessing when one felt +miserable. Did he not admire Mr. Ingram? She herself adored his work. +He was constrained to reply that Ingram was one of his literary +heresies, whereupon she, with ready resource, supposed that tastes +differed, and then, as the result of a luminous thought, she added +that a poet would naturally not be so much interested in mere prose. +Of course poetry ranked the higher, but she was ashamed to +confess—she made the confession without any sign of shame—she +scarcely ever read any at all. She had several favourite novelists who +each published so many books a year that it took all the time she +could spare to keep pace with them.</p> + +<p>"And indeed I'm glad they manage to write so much. They help to fight +against the flood of nasty realistic works we get nowadays. I should +like to see those all burnt."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Blackstone went on to observe that she couldn't make out why +people went on writing such filth. She preferred books of a sound, +moral tone.</p> + +<p>Morgan, feeling himself called upon to make common cause against the +Philistine, put in a tentative word of defence.</p> + +<p>"That's true," admitted Mrs. Blackstone.</p> + +<p>He soon drew further admissions from her, she never suspecting the +extent of the ground she was yielding till, just at the moment of +rising, she apparently gave up her whole position with the naïve +statement:</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 99]</span>"I always thought they had a reason for introducing that sort of +thing. Thank you so much, Mr. Druce, for explaining it to me."</p> + +<p>He was not quite sure whether he had been bored or amused. All the +same he now felt glad he had come; he seemed to be so much more +actively interested in what was to follow. Instinctively he looked at +Ingram, and the novelist came to talk to him whilst the other men +discussed the hygienic aspects of smoking.</p> + +<p>"Well, have you got over your temper yet?"</p> + +<p>The phrasing was unfortunate, though its conciliatory intention was +obvious. Morgan felt he was being addressed as if he were a sulky +child, and his resentment leapt up afresh.</p> + +<p>"I beg you will not interest yourself further in me," he said.</p> + +<p>"Suppose we omit some of the conversation," suggested Ingram, "and +assume all that sort of thing to have been said. You are hurt because +I showed your letter to a friend. Aren't you taking a distorted view +of the matter? Recollect that at the time you were an utter stranger, +and your letter was a bolt from the blue. I cannot see that I +committed so very great a crime."</p> + +<p>"It is as great or as little as you feel it to be."</p> + +<p>"And how may it be purged?" asked Ingram ironically.</p> + +<p>"Ponder over it till you perceive its enormity, then apologize to me +in the presence of the woman."</p> + +<p>Morgan scarcely realised what he was saying till the words were out. +Apparently he had spoken without hesitating and without thinking, but +he knew that his utterance was the result of all that had occupied his +mind<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 100]</span> for many days past. He felt now he was on the road towards the +realisation of that fantastic future, that poem in life that was to +take the place of the poetry in words he had abandoned.</p> + +<p>Ingram gave him a strange, piercing look. Morgan had never before seen +in his face such an expression as he saw in it now. There was a +pregnant pause before the reply came.</p> + +<p>"Very well, then. We will go to her to-night. No doubt the others will +now be glad to hear our views on tobacco smoke."</p> + +<p>Morgan was conscious of a strange glow of pleasure, of a strange +satisfaction. All his sense of romance and mystery was astir. How +charming was the promise of the phantasy to come! The smiling, scented +serpent-woman was holding her arms to him! And again those lines of +Browning echoed through him, and his whole being seemed invaded as by +a "faint sweetness from some old Egyptian's fine, worm-eaten shroud."</p> + +<p>He defended moderate smoking with vivacity.</p> + +<p>Afterwards, the guests being disposed for conversation in the +drawing-room, Helen managed to sit with Morgan a little apart.</p> + +<p>"What do you think of Mr. Ingram?" she asked. "Did you talk to him at +all?"</p> + +<p>"He seems fairly intelligent," replied Morgan; "more intelligent, in +fact, than his work would lead one to suppose. You told me the other +day, did you not, that you have known him some little time?"</p> + +<p>"It is only during the last few months that I have cultivated him or +rather he me."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 101]</span>"I see Mrs. Blackstone has possession of him now. She must be very +happy."</p> + +<p>"She is his greatest confidante. That I am <i>her</i> greatest confidante, +you know already, <i>ergo</i>—well, I'll leave you to make the deduction. +She is really a good soul, and a marked success as an ear trumpet."</p> + +<p>"But is Mr. Ingram aware of that?"</p> + +<p>"Quite. That is why he speaks into her such a deal. He finds me +perfectly deaf otherwise."</p> + +<p>All this was a revelation to Morgan.</p> + +<p>"You seem to be hinting at something," he could not help exclaiming.</p> + +<p>"Of course. Mr. Ingram is anxious to marry a title, and, since he does +not object to having a good-looking person attached to it, he has done +me the honour to pretend to be in love with me. He has been proposing +for the last six weeks, and has offered to purify his books still +further to suit my virginal soul."</p> + +<p>"And you professed to be telling me everything interesting," he +reproached her.</p> + +<p>"Why, I left off telling you about my wooers and proposals at your own +request. You insisted they would never make you jealous, and they +rather bored you. So I did not say a word about this one. Of course +Laura is anxious to further his cause. She thinks me a good woman and +somewhat of a prude. Poor soul! She doesn't suspect the wedding ring +with the diamond in it you've seen me sometimes wear! You know it's +the sort of thing wicked women affect when they want to be cynical +about the marriage tie. Well, Laura is doing her best to persuade me +to be the instrument of Mr. Ingram's reform. She thinks it such a pity +his life has<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 102]</span> not been so wholesome in tone as his novels. Her +admiration of him is so great that she wants him to live up to her +conception of the author of his novels, and I am to be sacrificed for +the purpose. She is ten years my senior, and you will observe her +interest in me is quite maternal. But I must tell you more about it +another time. The doctor's looking bored. I must go and amuse him."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 103]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II.III" id="CHAPTER_II.III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + + +<p>Shortly after midnight Morgan and Ingram were driving towards +Hampstead, in which vicinity, the latter explained, resided the lady +upon whom they were going to call. For a long time the two sat +silent—they seemed to have nothing to say to each other.</p> + +<p>And even while Morgan was thrilled through and through with expectancy +of romance, he could not help his brain playing a little with the +general position, which, in face of what he had learnt to-night, was +far more complicated than he had imagined. He smiled as it occurred to +him how easily he could annoy Ingram by marrying Helen. Curious, he +thought, that Ingram had not the least suspicion of it!</p> + +<p>"May I not ask who is the lady?" he said at last.</p> + +<p>"She is nobody in particular," said Ingram. "I call her 'Cleo,' which +is sufficient for all practical purposes. There is really no reason +why I should not tell you now that Cleo, in fact, has been the +companion of my leisure for the past six years. I will leave you to +form your own impression of her."</p> + +<p>Ingram spoke with an exaggerated air of bluntness, as if to indicate +his indifference to whatever effect his statement might produce on +Morgan. The latter, however, was not very much surprised. His active +feeling was rather one of bewilderment as to the part Ingram was +playing in this tangle of relations. The fact that In<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 104]</span>gram had turned +up as a suitor for Helen's hand, when he himself had been all these +years in active relation with either unknown to the other, had +exhausted all the possibilities of astonishment in him. But he found +it strange that Ingram, in spite of his matrimonial intention, should +still continue on such terms with this 'Cleo' as to be able to bring a +friend to see her in the way he was doing now. Ingram's very readiness +to fall in with the suggestion struck him as bearing some significance +he could not yet fathom.</p> + +<p>Yet, though his mind was thus occupied, Morgan cared little about +Ingram's private designs. It satisfied him to feel that Ingram was his +unconscious tool, and that he was at length drifting in the right +direction. On rattled the vehicle through empty, dark streets, where +the very street lamps looked lonely and subtly fostered his mood.</p> + +<p>They drew up at length in a narrow street of stucco houses, and Morgan +followed Ingram through a wooden gate up a glass-covered stairway that +led to an ordinary front door. Ingram opened it with a latch-key, and +they stood in a square, little hall, prettily furnished and dimly +lighted by an antique hanging lamp.</p> + +<p>"Cleo expects me," said Ingram, "but I must ascertain if she will +receive both of us."</p> + +<p>He disappeared through a door at the back of the hall, and, returning +soon, led Morgan through a sort of anteroom into a large inner +apartment, on the threshold of which they were met by a waft of +strange perfume which Morgan recognised immediately, though for a +moment it somewhat overpowered him. The scene, too, was so<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 105]</span> bizarre +that his perception of it lacked sharpness, and his first impression +was a dreamy one of fusing colour.</p> + +<p>The room itself was large and square, and more than half of the marble +inlaid floor was raised several inches above the other part—that on +which Morgan stood as he entered. In the centre of this lower part was +a small marble fountain, with two tiers of basins, beautifully carved. +The water played prettily, overflowing from the lower and larger basin +into a daintily-bordered square tank set in the floor. Against the +wall beyond the fountain was built a marble slab, supported by a +double arch, under which stood ewers and vases. And higher up in this +same wall were set two pairs of tiny windows, divided into little +coloured panes, with designs of flowers and peacocks.</p> + +<p>The ceiling seemed a quaint, flat, immense tangle of gold, green, red +and blue thread work, each line of which could be followed till the +eye lost it in the maze; and three lamps, suspended by brass chains, +filled the room with a ruby light that came through the interstices of +fine brass and silver work. The walls were marked out in panelling and +covered with a strange, decorative pattern. The raised part of the +floor was spread with richly woven rugs of warm tints, and a few +stools of curious workmanship stood about. Books lay scattered here +and there, as if thrown carelessly on the ground after perusal. In the +centre was a gilded couch, upholstered in silk, and, as Ingram +mentioned his name, Morgan found himself bowing to the wonderful woman +who reclined on it.</p> + +<p>She rose at his greeting, tall and of a gipsy-like brown, and clad in +a straight terra-cotta robe tied in front with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 106]</span> a broad, gold girdle, +whose long ends fell floating to the ground. Her feet were sandalled. +Her hair was of a rich, golden red, and somehow showed up in contrast +to the blue grey of her eyes. Her lips were full and of a startling +scarlet, as though they bled. She smiled to Morgan, displaying two +rows of tiny white teeth, and held out to him a long, brown hand.</p> + +<p>He took it in his, and the contact set vibrating every chord of his +nature that had been strung up during the past days. At last he was +face to face with the dream-woman who had haunted him, and she was +even as he had seen her! And with all his emotion at this sacred +moment there mingled a sense of pride that his poet's instinct had +divined true.</p> + +<p>"I am happy to know you, Mr. Druce. Mr. Ingram has just explained to +me why he has brought you. I am so sorry to be the cause of your +anger."</p> + +<p>Her voice was curiously soft, without the least ring or even +suggestion of firmness; warm and yielding as a summer wavelet.</p> + +<p>Morgan was somewhat startled at her words; he had almost expected some +strange, rich, musical language to fall from her lips.</p> + +<p>Ingram drew over a stool, and Cleo bade him be seated. There was +somewhat of an embarrassed silence. Morgan scarcely knew how to meet +the occasion. It struck him that perhaps he ought to be grateful to +Ingram, for he had now a conviction that the letter of his which Cleo +had had in her possession had really interested her in him—had +touched some sympathetic chord in her—and that the task of +cultivating her would not, for that very reason, prove a difficult +one. He was cer<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 107]</span>tain that her nature had much in common with his own, +and that the future which was now to be unrolled was to be a series of +tableaux as charming as this first one.</p> + +<p>He felt it incumbent upon him to dispose of the matter for which +nominally he had come, and murmured that Ingram had now sufficiently +shown his good faith, and that he personally was quite satisfied. As +he spoke he looked at Cleo again, and her eyes and lips gleamed at him +strangely. He was aware she wished to say a good deal to him, but that +the presence of Ingram hindered. And as the same constrained silence +once more fell upon them, the elusive odour of her perfume seemed to +obtrude again, as though taking the opportunity to assert itself.</p> + +<p>Ingram at length remarked that the hour was late, and that if Cleo +would excuse them he would escort Mr. Druce back. He was glad that +harmony had been re-established, and he expressed his thanks to Cleo +for so willingly receiving his friend and helping to heal the breach.</p> + +<p>Morgan did not mind having this first interview with Cleo thus cut +short, especially as he could not talk with Ingram there to listen. He +was, moreover, uncomfortably aware that Ingram was watching him +closely the whole time, and he did not fail to detect the tinge of +irony in the novelist's last little speech. But he felt he had closed +his account with the man, and he would not trouble his brains any more +about his motives or meaning. He therefore rose to say good-night to +Cleo. She offered them wine, but both men refused, so she smilingly +gave her hand again without striving to detain them.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 108]</span>Outside, each seemed given up to his own thoughts. Morgan would make +no comment on what had been revealed to him, nor apparently did Ingram +want to hear any.</p> + +<p>They separated at a cab rank, each taking a separate vehicle. And only +as they were about to part did Ingram break the silence:</p> + +<p>"I need hardly tell you you have seen a hidden side of my life. I look +to you to forget."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 109]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II.IV" id="CHAPTER_II.IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + + +<p>The very rapidity of the glimpse that Morgan had had into that +Hampstead interior made it the more fascinating to dwell upon in +imagination, and, though the definite figure of Cleo now took the +place of the vague, smiling woman who had always been with him, it +seemed to him that he had discerned Cleo's every feature from the +beginning.</p> + +<p>The general flow of his thoughts and moods were coloured by this +fantastic adventure on which, he now felt, he was fairly embarked. +Nevertheless his life was not proceeding precisely on the lines he had +conceived when he had resolved to transport his imaginative +combinations from the field of paper to the field of life, to weave +dreams from reality instead of from thought. That disattachment he had +decided on in order that he might abandon himself wholly to the urging +of his temperament was proving a much more gradual process than he had +supposed.</p> + +<p>For as yet the old relations were being continued; the man in +him—which the poet was unable to suppress entirely—could not break +these off abruptly. Thus, when Margaret's pink note announcing the +studio-warming arrived, he could not possibly accept the notion of +ignoring it, for was he not her true and healthy lover? His +friendship, too, with Lady Thiselton, had even become strengthened in +spite of himself. He could not help tell<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 110]</span>ing himself again and again +that she was as firm and true as a rock. And the very man in him that +appreciated her sterling qualities had still a sense of shame at his +having taken money from her, forced though his hand had been. The +vagueness and nebulousness of the future that suited the poet made the +man with his healthy repugnance to debt extremely uncomfortable.</p> + +<p>The flow of his existence had thus split up into two currents, but the +stronger by far was the poetic force in him that made for a desperate +playing with life.</p> + +<p>Yet several days passed without his being impelled to go to Cleo +again. Even as he had been wont to wait for inspiration, so he waited +now for the spirit to move him to the next step in this life-fantasy. +His time got frittered away, he scarcely knew how. He replied to +several letters from his father, who wrote to him at great length on +particular points of ethics, for the banker had by now seriously set +to work on his <i>magnum opus</i>. Two or three times Helen ran in to see +him at tea-time, and did her best to amuse him. The mere reflection +that Ingram must suppose he was but the most casual acquaintance of +Helen's was sufficient for that; so that she had not a very difficult +task, and expressed herself highly pleased at the agreeable mood in +which she was now finding him. She chatted quite freely about Ingram +and the latest developments of his courtship of her. She had refused +him for the fifth time, but he didn't seem the least bit discouraged +yet.</p> + +<p>"By the way," she went on, "I've just been reading his biography in a +magazine. Evidently he has not been as frank with his interviewer as +he has been with me. The way I made him confess was just lovely, +though now<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 111]</span> he makes that a grievance, much to my indignation. All I +said was I couldn't possibly begin to consider his case till I knew +all about him. I made no promise at all. At first, indeed, he was +foolish enough to insist his record was spotless. A man who writes +novels of such sound moral tone! If only he had written naturalistic +novels, I might have believed him."</p> + +<p>Morgan wondered if Ingram had included Cleo in his "confession." He +was rather inclined to doubt it, because he felt sure that the very +strangeness of that <i>liaison</i> would have made Helen want to tell him +about it.</p> + +<p>"And what do you intend to do with him ultimately?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, if I thought it would make you the least bit jealous, I should +announce that I intended to accept him. But as there is no possible +advantage to be gained by such a falsehood, it would be very +extravagant of me to waste it. I've scattered so many of them in my +time that I must be economical for the rest of my life."</p> + +<p>Though he had never for a moment believed there was any possibility of +her marrying Ingram, he was yet relieved to hear her state her +intentions so definitely. Such was his sense of Ingram's unworthiness +of her!</p> + +<p>A couple of days later he went to Margaret's studio-warming. Both the +experience and the anticipation of it were emotionally exciting. But +as a good many of Margaret's particular friends were there, her +attention had to be spread out a great deal, and he did not have to +talk to her much at first. Certainly there was nothing between them +that could be called conversation.</p> + +<p>He found it soothing to talk a little with Mrs. Medhurst, who was +always equable, nice, and apparently in a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 112]</span> pleased mood. She also had +been receiving long confidential letters from his father, and she +expressed the fear that at the rate the latter was now going in the +direction of iconoclasm he was courting public suppression.</p> + +<p>"He is very much in earnest," she added. "I have written him at length +about the bringing up of daughters—he insisted on having my views. He +is very modest, though—just ventures to hope for success. 'If I only +had Morgan's pen,' he once wrote, yearningly."</p> + +<p>To be reminded now how completely his father had been won over to +belief in him was but to have all the bitterness of his failure again +concentrated in one moment.</p> + +<p>During the rest of the time he found himself carrying on a +half-hearted conversation here and there, yet with all his attention +on Margaret. He followed her with his eyes, watching her every +movement and gesture, noting her every smile, catching her laughter +and the sound of her voice. Something that was light, that was +sunshine, seemed to detach itself from her and to fill the whole room; +something that brought a sense of happiness to mingle with his strange +mood.</p> + +<p>He felt that happiness as a sick man feels a cool, soft caress on his +brow.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 113]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II.V" id="CHAPTER_II.V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + + +<p>One afternoon Morgan took a hansom and drove to Hampstead. He entered +the glass-covered way that led up to Cleo's door and knocked +unhesitatingly. The servant who responded to his summons stared at him +in undisguised astonishment.</p> + +<p>"Is your mistress at home?" he asked, for he did not know by what name +to enquire for Cleo. He sent in his own, however, and was immediately +ushered into her presence. This gave him no elation, because he had +taken it for granted she would receive him.</p> + +<p>"I had a sort of presentiment you would come to-day," said Cleo, throwing on + one side the novel she had been reading, and the cover of which, illumined with + seven mystic stars and a veiled floating figure, just caught his eye.</p> + +<p>"And I just felt that I <i>must</i> come," he said as, at her invitation, +he took a seat on one of the quaint stools with somewhat of an air of +long habituation to this strange Egyptian chamber.</p> + +<p>Cleo was lounging on her gilded settee, obviously arrayed to receive +him in the hope of his calling. A vague, mystic light that compelled +an almost religious emotion came through the tiny window panes. The +fountain played with a soft splash.</p> + +<p>"Do you know I am what the vulgar call 'supersti<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 114]</span>tious?'" she +continued. "I always knew you would come into my life."</p> + +<p>As she spoke her eyes seemed to shine with a greater fire. The scarlet +of her lips to-day was somewhat concealed by the half shadows; her +hair, too, seemed silkier and more restrained in tone than his first +impression of it. Her gown was of a vague colour—a sort of blue-grey, +in which the element of blue was suggested as a light continuous +tinge. A crimson silk scarf, fastened with an opal buckle, formed a +pleasing sash, and fell to the knee. As before, her feet were +sandalled.</p> + +<p>"That letter of yours Robert showed me—years ago now—made me love +you at once," she explained. "Only a man of genius could have written +it. How my heart bled for you when you said, 'I see no other end to +the comedy than fall. God knows what shape that fall will take, into +what mud my soul plunge in the fight for life. I could bear anything +if I were not so utterly alone and helpless.... If you could see me, +speak to me—help me in any way!' Yes, I wanted to see you—speak to +you—help you. It was I who made Robert respond to your appeal. I +remember how disgusted I was with him when he insisted on taking the +whole thing as a splendid joke, just because he found you had a rich +father."</p> + +<p>Her strange, soft voice seemed almost informed with dramatic passion +as she quoted his letter. It was clear she knew the whole of it by +heart. So Ingram's violation of his confidence, he reflected, had been +responsible for this interweaving of his life with Cleo's, and his +presence here to-day was but the natural continuation of the beginning +then made. He confessed to having been angered with Ingram.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 115]</span>"My blundering vision could not see how the strands were being woven," +he added.</p> + +<p>"I was certain all along they <i>were</i> being woven," she returned. "The +incident at the time made a great impression on me, and I knew that +one day we should come together."</p> + +<p>It gave him a thrill of joy to learn that he had been occupying her +thoughts for years past; that, having once come within her +consciousness, he had remained in her vision as a never-fading image.</p> + +<p>"I am encouraged to ask you about yourself," he said. "You know I love +you, too."</p> + +<p>This last statement was not an insincere one, for he did not conceive +it as a real statement made to a real human being. Cleo was his +wonderful dream-woman, and he had no notion at all of getting any +insight into her as a real woman playing an actual rôle in actual +life. He did not think of her as an element of real life at all; she +was simply the heroine of the fantasy he was busy weaving. His +declaration represented exactly his sentiment towards her in that +rôle; it expressed his sense of the fitness of things at the moment, +was the requisite correct touch the position demanded—this position +which he had mentally isolated from the rest of reality, and in which +for the time being he had lost himself.</p> + +<p>"I know, dear," she answered. "I will tell you gladly, for I want you +to understand and appreciate me. Like you I have always been conscious +of genius, but I have had to wait long, bitter years. 'Tis always so +with genius. I have ever felt myself a chosen spirit, and I am sure I +am destined to become the greatest actress that has yet charmed and +captivated the world. Am I not tall, sur<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 116]</span>passingly beautiful, lithe and +supple as a reed—graceful as a lily? But that is not all. In me is +reincarnated the spirit of the ancient East, and it is my mission to +interpret that spirit to the modern world. I will help you, dear, to +realize that same spirit, and then one day, in a grand burst of +inspiration you shall write the play of my life. Then shall I break +upon the civilized world as a revelation.</p> + +<p>"I can remember no time at which I have not been conscious of my +mission. But six years ago, when I set out on my journey into the +world, I was scarcely more than a child. I had no influence—I knew +nobody; and so I had no chance of making a real appearance at once. I +had to begin by joining a touring company, and that only to play the +rôle of a servant girl. At the time I was glad of any beginning, for I +was confident I should make my way. But I soon found myself stranded. +Then what do you think I did?"</p> + +<p>"You wrote a letter to Ingram—just as I did?" he exclaimed excitedly.</p> + +<p>She laughed.</p> + +<p>"That is very clever of you. It is exactly what I did. He had a +successful play running at one theatre and I read that he was at work +on a new play for another manager. I thought that, if I could only +induce him to see me, I might get a real chance. My letter produced +the desired effect, for in it I had told him exactly what my future +was to be. We had an interview and he perfectly agreed with everything +I had said about myself. But he swore he could do nothing for me. His +plays, he asserted, contained no fit part for me—it would be a +thousand pities if I let my strength and energies be dis<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 117]</span>sipated in +playing minor parts that any intelligent school girl with a pair of +bright eyes could do ample justice to. Then he confided to me that he, +too, had plans and ambitions, but that he was not making nearly so +much money as he was said to be doing in the personal paragraphs of +the newspapers. He was putting aside, however, all he could spare, so +that he might have a vast theatre of his own; and if that came to pass +I was the one being on earth to be associated with him in such a +mighty undertaking. Would I stay with him and wait?</p> + +<p>"So I stayed with him, and I have waited—six years! We have built our +vast theatre again and again—it was to be the vastest in the world, +so that my audience should be worthy of my great gifts. Time after +time have we gone together into every detail of the scheme, I always +believing that at last we were getting ready in earnest. You will +wonder, perhaps, how it is I have allowed myself to be deceived for so +long. It was because I believed in him during the first three years, +and during the second three I had already lost so much time that I +<i>dared</i> not disbelieve in him. It was always: 'Just six months more, +Cleo, dear, and then we shall astonish the world.' And then the vision +of that vast theatre was too fascinating for me to abandon. His +excuses were always plausible. Now he had made some terribly bad +investment, now a publisher had gone bankrupt, now the sales of his +books had fallen tremendously. Besides, he kept complaining bitterly +that he was being forced to suppress his genius and individuality and +to work for money. Just as he was waiting patiently, so must I wait +patiently. He was to write me my great piece, and I was to interpret +it. He bought this house for me and had this<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 118]</span> room rebuilt to suit my +ideas, so that the spirit in me should be nourished by a congenial +environment. By sitting here each day and meditating, I have +ministered to my sacred moods and I have kept pure the essence of the +ages which I am to revive for the modern world. Thus the years have +not been wasted. I have matured. I am confident my powers have +increased, and I have never felt more eager to exercise them than now. +Let me but appear in a suitable rôle and both fame and fortune are +assured to me, for I shall easily eclipse every living actress.</p> + +<p>"Of course, I have recognised now that Robert has been playing me +false, at least of late. I should not like to think that he did not +really have those ideas in the first years, but I realise now he has +abandoned them and hasn't the courage to confess the truth. Of course, +he says that his year's finances have all gone wrong again, and that +he had seriously underestimated the capital necessary for the +undertaking.</p> + +<p>"I am not a prisoner, of course. I have always had perfect liberty, +and I engaged the maids myself. They are too well paid not to be +attached to me. Robert is supposed to be my husband. Of course, they +know he isn't. Altogether, I have not been so very unhappy here. This +room has been a great comfort to me, and Robert and I have always got +on well together. But now we must part. He will miss me after all this +time, but there is no reason why we should not part in peace."</p> + +<p>She related all this with the greatest naïveté, so that her absolute +faith in herself, her genius, and her mission, did not astonish him. +The words seemed to flow naturally from the personality.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 119]</span>He was aware she had scarcely given him a biography, but he liked to +take her as a mystical figure floating out of a sort of nebula. Such +personal details as might have been relatable of any other woman he +did not want to know; they would have interfered with this purely +artistic vision of her.</p> + +<p>"I wish that I had a fortune to place at your disposal," he murmured. +"You should have your theatre at once."</p> + +<p>"My vast theatre!" she sighed. "I fear I must dismiss that as a +hopeless dream. But I could take a theatre and make a less ambitious +beginning with very little money, indeed," she added, yearningly.</p> + +<p>Then Morgan told her the condition of his finances; how he had +exhausted his own resources, and how "a friend"—he referred to Helen +in this highly general manner—had lent him five hundred pounds, of +which he had scarcely spent anything yet, but which he had not the +slightest idea how he was going to repay. Of course, he could not and +would not apply to his father again; on which point Cleo readily +expressed her sympathy with him.</p> + +<p>Asked by him how much she thought would be sufficient to launch her on +her career, she could not say at once, but promised to think about it +and discuss the matter with him when he came again. She explained that +whatever the amount was, it would only be necessary to have it to draw +upon in case of need. Success being certain from the first, money +would come flowing in immediately, and, if they did decide to embark +on the adventure, he would certainly be able to repay his friend very +soon.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 120]</span>Her words to him were so many oracular statements, and he no more +thought of questioning them than a child thinks of questioning its +teacher about the names of the strange marks that constitute the +alphabet.</p> + +<p>"You will be coming again, then, on Thursday," said Cleo, as he +stooped to kiss her hand in token of farewell.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 121]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II.VI" id="CHAPTER_II.VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + + +<p>"My dear," said Cleo, when Morgan came again, "I want to bind you to +me for always. Let us marry at once, or, at least, as soon as +possible. Then, since we shall have thrown in our lots for good and +always, we shall achieve together what we have been unable to do +separately. My spirit shall act on yours, and one day your genius +shall fashion the great masterpiece of my life. As soon as we are +married we shall take a theatre and I shall put on the most suitable +play I can find. As I have already told you, I have given up those +idle dreams of a vast theatre of my own, in which to make my début. +But never before have I felt my powers to be so ripe. Let me but +appear for one evening in a part that will enable me to do justice to +my gifts and I shall bring the world to my feet. I look to you to help +me now, and, by making myself yours for always I shall at least be +showing my gratitude and my confidence in you. It is but right that +two geniuses should be mated. The fact that we both thought of the +same resource under similar conditions—for were you not as forlorn +and alone as I?—was prophetic, and clearly indicated it was fated +your life and mine were to be cast together."</p> + +<p>Her masterful definiteness hypnotised him. Her will was strong enough +to do what his own had failed to complete, to draw him away from the +rest of the world and absorb his life in hers.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 122]</span>Cleo had entered into his spirit and had at length not only silenced +but won over the man in him. She had seized on his whole being, +appropriated his every thought, and had attuned to hers every chord of +his complex nature. Her perfume and colour, her exotic beauty, had +entwined themselves in his every fibre, had enslaved his senses, and +intoxicated the thinking part of him. Her genius, too, cast an added +glamour of enchantment over the new life that lay before him—a +dream-life into which this marriage would take him entirely, and by +contrast with which, apart from its anguish, the real life behind him +lay dull and leaden.</p> + +<p>To link his life with hers! To launch Cleo as a great actress! To win +renown side by side! He yielded himself to the prospect with eager +enthusiasm!</p> + +<p>The notion of taking a theatre that Cleo had put before him at their +last meeting had already led him to make a rough calculation of his +present resources, and he had estimated that a financial clearing-up +would leave him with but little more than three hundred pounds. He +mentioned this now somewhat hesitatingly, for he feared that sum might +be quite inadequate. He was relieved to hear Cleo say that she could +make it suffice; and with her clever management he would very soon be +able to discharge his debt to his friend. She knew exactly how to go +to work and would make all arrangements, but of course she would let +him help her as much as he could.</p> + +<p>"We shall set to work the very day we marry, for we must not lose any +time. All I shall take away from here are my costumes. I have some +money that Robert has given me from time to time, but that I am going +to re<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 123]</span>turn to him. It would be a desecration for us to use a penny of +his in our new life. Of course we must make our home temporarily in +furnished rooms."</p> + +<p>The next day Morgan paid all his odd, floating debts, and got his +particular possessions together; all of which did not occupy him very +long. When he saw Cleo again it was arranged that she should take the +requisite formal steps for their marriage before the registrar, and +that she should also begin negotiations for the renting of a Strand +theatre. She had had her final reckoning with Ingram, who had assumed +an air of indifference, and had not wanted to know anything about her +plans or future movements.</p> + +<p>"'Since you have made up your mind,' he said, 'I have no option but to +bow to your wishes.' But I could see that his lips were drawn as if +his heart ached at having to lose me. I must have meant so much to him +all this time. Poor Robert!"</p> + +<p>"Of course, I gave him back his money," she went on, when her emotion +had subsided. "He took that with the same indifference. He said he +could quite appreciate my feeling about it and he would not oppose my +wishes on the point."</p> + +<p>As regards his family and friends, Morgan made up his mind to write to +his father, to Lady Thiselton, and to Mrs. Medhurst, simply announcing +the mere fact that he had married. He would not give any particulars +nor say a word as to the personality of Cleo. The rest of his +acquaintances he would simply ignore.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 124]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II.VII" id="CHAPTER_II.VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + + +<p>However, on the day before his marriage, Morgan happened to come +across Mrs. Medhurst's dance card amid a heap of papers he was about +to destroy, and somewhat to his surprise found it was for that very +evening. He had accepted the invitation verbally, when talking to Mrs. +Medhurst at the studio-warming. And now a strange notion seemed to +come whizzing at him and he arrested it with a clutch.</p> + +<p>Why should he not go and dance with Margaret for the last time?</p> + +<p>In a moment his mind was made up. And shortly after ten o'clock he +found himself being received by Mrs. Medhurst. A half-dizziness came +over him as he shook hands with her—the festal atmosphere that +pervaded the rooms seemed to blur his senses. He would have stumbled +had it not been that Margaret's voice fell upon his ear just then, and +he became aware that her hand was in his. He saw her, as she stood at +her mother's side, a clear and gracious figure against the mist of +things.</p> + +<p>She was in white to-night with just a lily in her hair, and it showed +graciously in a dainty setting of green. An adorable tiny edge of arm +peeped between sleeve and glove. Morgan thought of the lines Helen had +whispered to him at the Whitechapel Coffee House:</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 125]</span> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"The Blessed Damozel leaned out</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">From the gold bar of Heaven;</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Her eyes were deeper than the depth</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Of waters stilled at even."</span><br /> +</p> +<p> </p> + +<p>He wrote his name on her programme. He was feeling timid and +self-distrustful, and having taken a dance near the beginning he +hesitated perceptibly before taking another lower down. She thanked +him gravely as he returned her the card and he thought he detected a +half-sorrowful expression in her face. No doubt she had been quick to +observe the constraint of his manner, and he felt she must be +suspecting something.</p> + +<p>He was glad that the arriving guests were claiming her attention, and +he moved away and mingled with the crowd. But he was indifferent to +the scene, to the music and dancing, to all but Margaret. He could not +turn his eyes away from her. He took note of every man that asked a +dance of her. One of them kept writing on her programme for what +seemed to Morgan an unbearable time, Margaret looking on with a +tolerant half-smile. He knew the fellow well and hated him. Fledgling +at one or other of the learned professions, always aggressively smooth +and well-bred, a veritable paragon of polish without a single +redeeming mannerism, to Morgan he represented one large swagger. There +was something in the pose of the eye-glasses and in the clean-shaven +upper lip that told of boundless conceit and infinite self-assurance. +What right had he, was Morgan's indignant thought—and he made the +criticism as of a mere external fact from which he stood aloof—to be +so friendly with Margaret? How was it that she should<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 126]</span> show such little +insight as to be imposed upon by so specious a personality? No doubt +she thought him perfectly charming!</p> + +<p>He was very angry and bitter, and already half-repented the impulse +that had driven him here. If the experience, in all its emotional +bearings, was a unique one, it was likewise a disagreeable one. When +the time came round for him to dance with Margaret he tried hard to +appear perfectly at his ease, and to make a show of good spirits. +Exercising the privilege of an old friend, he began to tease her about +the rapidity with which her programme had got filled.</p> + +<p>"A girl must flirt a little," she asserted calmly, after a short +passage-at-arms. "You're not jealous, Morgan, are you?"</p> + +<p>"I am only observant," he answered evasively.</p> + +<p>"Your gift of observation must be truly wonderful—you manage to +exercise it at so great a distance, or perhaps you send out your +astral body to do the observing, which must be the reason why it's +invisible to me."</p> + +<p>"I dare not speak at all. You turn my every word into a scourge +against me."</p> + +<p>"Don't you feel you deserve the scourging?"</p> + +<p>"I have had another melancholy fit," he urged, forced to defend +himself.</p> + +<p>"Poor Morgan!" she said, pityingly. "I do believe you have some +trouble that you are keeping to yourself. Do you know, I've been +thinking so for some time now. You don't trust your friends +sufficiently. Come now, isn't my surmise near the truth?"</p> + +<p>The tears almost welled up to his eyes. He did not<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 127]</span> answer her, for he +could not speak at all; but his silence was tantamount to an +admission.</p> + +<p>"Poor Morgan!" she repeated softly, as if to herself, and the sympathy +in her voice troubled him still more. "And the trouble? Of course, you +are going to tell me first."</p> + +<p>"Well, not to-night," he answered, closing his heart against her with +a superhuman effort. "I must not spoil your evening."</p> + +<p>"Do you think I shall enjoy it, now that I know?"</p> + +<p>"Why should you not?" he asked, and there was a shade of rebuff in his +tone. A half-savage impulse was urging him to pick a sort of quarrel +with her.</p> + +<p>"You are unkind," she exclaimed in distress. "Is my friendship nothing +to you? Perhaps I am wrong to show you that I care about yours. I +ought not to have let you see I was so concerned about your trouble, +but I could not know that was going to vex you."</p> + +<p>He did not answer, because her words disarmed him.</p> + +<p>"Forgive me, Morgan," she went on gently. "Of course, you are +irritable and all unstrung, and I ought to be very much more patient +instead of flying at you. It would be wicked for us two to quarrel, +but I really do want you to be nice to me."</p> + +<p>She was led away just then, and he felt glad to be relieved of the +responsibility of carrying on the conversation.</p> + +<p>Dance after dance went by. It hurt him to see that eye-glassed +plausible young man dancing with Margaret. His mood grew hateful. The +hours at length became unendurable. He slipped away quietly and went +home.</p> + +<p>But all through the evening he had been conscious in<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 128]</span> the back part of +his mind of the new life he had embarked upon. And even whilst he held +the sweet lily in his arms, his very love for her bringing him anguish +and bitterness, he was yet aware of scenes that sought to +obtrude—scenes in which figured the wonderful woman with whom he had +thrown in his lot, in which she stood in the glare of the footlights +with a dense packed theatre applauding to madness; scenes not outlined +clear and projected in space, but which were to him shapeless +silhouettes and dazzling formless patches of light flitting across the +extreme background of his consciousness.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>About mid-day Morgan Druce and Selina Mary Kettering were united in +holy matrimony. She had given her true name for the occasion, but +Morgan, intent on signing his own, scarcely noticed hers. She was Cleo +to him, and Cleo she would remain. It was not till about an hour +later, when they were lunching at a West End restaurant, that his mind +began to play about the fact that he really was married now. Yet it +seemed incredible. For him marriage had always connoted something +large and elaborate, a substantial experience with which were involved +complicated preliminaries, a process so transforming that one almost +expected one's very chemical composition to be changed by it.</p> + +<p>But all had been so astonishingly simple. The whole morning had been +singularly like other mornings. The visit to the registrar's office +had been short and unimpressive. His bone and tissue were perfectly +unaffected by it. Cleo and he had lunched here before. How then<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 129]</span> was +his relation to her so different from what it had been?</p> + +<p>He argued with himself. He told himself he <i>was</i> married, but he +refused to believe it. With all his knowledge and certainty of the +fact, he failed to convince himself. And yet that certainty set him +speculating as to what his father and mother would say when they read +the curt announcement he intended dispatching that afternoon. He +wondered what Helen would think, what Margaret. The fragrance and +beauty of the lily seemed suddenly to invade his spirit. He had a +sense of sweetness and light, followed by a reaction of pain. Perhaps +Margaret would be crushed by the news; perhaps—and he could not help +the thought, grotesque though it was—she would marry that smooth, +eye-glassed young man.</p> + +<p>There was a strange ringing in his ears; he was conscious of his whole +being soaring far away, a floating, palpitating spirit amid great +spaces of mystery and dream. A universal music was swelling around +him, a mighty concerto bursting full upon him from the stillness of +infinite distances—the sobbing of violins, the blare of brazen +instruments, an orchestral clash and clang.</p> + +<p>"You may smoke," said Cleo.</p> + +<p>With a start he found himself amid the garish mirrors of the gilded +restaurant.</p> + + +<div class="center"><strong>END OF BOOK II.</strong></div> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 130]</span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 131]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BOOK_III" id="BOOK_III"></a>BOOK III.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 132]</span></p> + + +<hr style="width: 25%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 133]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.I" id="CHAPTER_III.I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + + +<p>Had the transition from bachelorhood to the married state been less +easy and less quickly achieved, Morgan might perhaps have realised +that the pattern of life he was weaving had not the same +undetachedness from the real as a pattern woven in dream, but that it +was a part and parcel of the real. As it was, he was not the man to +stop and think, once he had made his plunge into the strange, vague +future that had appealed to him. And now this theatrical enterprise, +with Cleo as the star, loomed ahead of him not only as the redemption +of his empty life, but wrapped in that seductive romance which his +mood and temperament demanded.</p> + +<p>For the present, they had taken furnished rooms in Bloomsbury, where +they lived under an assumed name. Morgan did not leave his new address +at his old quarters, for he did not want any letters to follow him, no +matter from whom they came. He felt he had done all he could in +writing the three letters he had decided to write. And with the +sending of those letters, he seemed to be detaching himself from his +old life with one clean cut; his imagination left free to construct +the tableaux of what he believed—such was the impression Cleo's +personality had made on him—was going to be a gorgeous panoramic +future, a triumphant historic march through the civilised world. The +fact that Cleo now went about clothed like any other mortal did not +detract from his es<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 134]</span>timate of her genius, for the mere dispensation +with such extraneous splendour left untouched the splendour of the +woman herself.</p> + +<p>And, from this mere moving from one London street to another, he had +all the feeling of having placed a thousand miles between himself and +everybody who knew him. In the theatrical enterprise he was to figure +under his present assumed name, though that was only likely to come +within the public cognizance as the name borne by Cleo's husband, a +personage none of his friends would think of associating with himself. +He thought he might thus fairly count on remaining undiscovered, +though, of course, he could not provide against chance encounters. But +he felt he would be very angry if any attempt were made to follow him +up and interfere in any way with the destiny he had chosen.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, with an exaggerated sense of his own helplessness, he +looked up to Cleo with an unshakable confidence, placing an oracular +value on her every word. She symbolised for him an all-conquering +power before which destiny itself could make no front. Had he been an +artist he would have painted her as the triumphant figure of allegory, +standing amid the stars with one foot planted on the terrestrial +globe. His attitude towards her was one of wondering admiration and +blind assent; with so much deliberateness did she turn her vision on +that seething world which she was preparing to conquer, and which had +always been to him such a whirling, giddy, incomprehensible chaos that +he had never been able to look steadily at it. Now, timidly peeping +from behind her skirts, he ventured to open his eyes on it. Alone, he +would never have known where to touch the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 135]</span> heterogeneous, noisy mass, +but she, displaying a definite and intimate knowledge of its +constituents, at once began to establish relations with it here and +there. These efforts of hers seemed to him at first random and +isolated, and he watched with interested expectancy for the +light-giving result as a child might watch the preparations for an +elaborate conjuring trick. Eventually he began to see, with a pleased +sort of surprise, that the floating set of relations entered into by +Cleo was assuming recognisable shape as a theatrical enterprise.</p> + +<p>The marvel she inspired in him deepened daily, so wonderful seemed her +purposefulness, her energy, her faith in herself. And though, beside +these qualities of hers, his diffidence compelled him to +self-effacement, he yet seemed to draw something from her very +superabundance.</p> + +<p>From the beginning he had given up all the money to her, only too +pleased to be rid of the control of it. But when the arrangements were +fairly advanced, she insisted on his mastering the details of the +expenditure she was making and on going into the figures with him each +time she drew up what she considered a likely profit and loss account, +which she did at least once each evening. The result was always on the +right side and always large, and he was not quite clear that it did +not necessarily represent a sure fact, if a future one. Figures had +always irritated him, but, as she performed all the arithmetical +processes and he simply had to exert his intelligence to the extent of +grasping what each item stood for, he was pleased to find himself +equal to the effort.</p> + +<p>Their three hundred pounds in the meantime had dwindled considerably, +but, as Cleo showed no signs of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 136]</span> anxiety, it never occurred to Morgan +to feel uneasy. Cleo, who, for the sake of simplicity and also to +enhance her authority over the people she should employ, was making +every arrangement in her name only, had had to pay a large sum down +before she had been allowed to take possession of the theatre, for she +had been preceded by some other enterprising actress, with whom the +lessees had been less stringent, and who had come to grief, much to +their disgust. The costumers and the printers, too, were shy of +unknown dames with stage ambitions, and their co-operation was not to +be obtained without a show of bank notes.</p> + +<p>Nor was Cleo unprepared in the all-important question of the play +itself. She had employed some of her past leisure at Hampstead in +translating many pieces from the French, and she now gave Morgan half +a dozen to read, saying she had already formed her own opinion as to +which one contained the best part for her and she wanted to see if his +judgment would tally with hers. Morgan was glad to have this quiet +task to keep him occupied for a few days. He took it, however, very +solemnly, for he wished to arrive at an honest decision, but he did +not wish it to be different from hers. However, he could not say he +liked any of the plays. Half of them were modern, half Oriental; all +artificial and stilted, and full of long-winded inanity. Eventually he +selected one of the Oriental, which he thought would at any rate give +Cleo an opportunity of displaying her dresses—to such Machiavellian +extent had she already influenced him. To his delight, she declared +that his choice was hers. He timidly ventured on a little criticism, +but she laughed and assured him that the play itself signified +nothing—<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 137]</span>plays were mere excuses for acting. This one provided a part +which, if not the ideal one for her, would at least enable her to +display herself and her genius to some advantage. Of course, she was +well aware she was not making the début that befitted her genius, as +that would have involved a play written specially for her in which +every other part was artistically subordinated to her own, a vast +theatre such as the one she had dreamed of, and a lavish expenditure; +her brain, moreover, being entirely relieved of all material +considerations and her spirit left unfettered. Under the present +make-shift circumstances she must be content with such humble +beginning as the poor funds at her disposal would allow her. And +Morgan felt quite guilty at his inability to provide the ideal début +she described, feeling she had quite a right to despise this mean and +unworthy beginning, and that it was really generous of her to face the +difficulties occasioned by their narrow means without complaint.</p> + +<p>That there were difficulties he could not help knowing, for Cleo was +at no pains to conceal the fact. Rather was she intent on showing that +she was perfectly capable of vanquishing them. When the open-handed +policy she had been compelled to adopt had reduced their resources to +about fifty pounds, Cleo withdrew the money from the bank, saying it +would be safer in her pocket. But by this time her unhesitating +payments had begun to produce their effect, and it had got about that +she was no mere penniless adventuress, but a wealthy stage-struck +dame. As a mysterious personage, suddenly springing from nowhere into +the theatrical world, she began to arouse a good deal of interest, and +the flâneurs in those circles obtained kudos by pretending to precise +informa<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 138]</span>tion about her. The rumour of riches spread. Tradespeople +became sweet and pliant—the plucking of a goose with golden feathers +was not an every-day event.</p> + +<p>Cleo, who could afford to pay anything out of the profits of the huge +success to come, cleverly betrayed the rich amateur's ignorance of +charges, varying it by the occasional query: "Isn't that rather dear?" +Her delight at securing an abatement of a few shillings was so +undisguised that it caused much amusement to complaisant tradesmen.</p> + +<p>The transaction of all this preliminary business afforded Cleo an +immense enjoyment. Her front to the world throughout had been the +perfection of boldness.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 139]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.II" id="CHAPTER_III.II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + + +<p>And now Morgan found himself doing quite a deal of work, arranging +parts for typewriting, reading proofs and trying to understand +something of the—to him—intricate system of theatrical accounts. He +was proud when he succeeded in following business details, astonished +to find they were not beyond his intelligence. He passed to and from +the theatre several times a day, curiously glad to feel himself a +working part of all this complex machinery. But he was never quite +comfortable in the building, wandering uneasily about its corridors +and almost feeling as though he ought to explain his presence to one +or other of its scattered population he encountered in odd corners. +Everybody about the building seemed vaguely respectful to him, as +though possessed of some faint notion that he was attached to Cleo in +some incomprehensible way or other.</p> + +<p>So far Cleo had behaved with perfect sang-froid. If at home she had +occasionally allowed her natural excitement to appear, it had been of +a pleasurable kind and fully sympathised with by Morgan. In the mere +commercial transactions that had relation to the enterprise, she had +shown herself as calm and unshakable as a rock, but as soon as the +actual fact of her chosen art began to be concerned, she commenced to +reveal other sides of her nature that disturbed Morgan's blind worship +in no little degree.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 140]</span>The first thing that began to stir his doubts was her method of +engaging the players, for she put on the airs of a grand patron, and +such pleasure did this part of the business give her that she +prolonged it unduly. She made actors and actresses wait upon her time +after time when she had not the slightest intention of engaging them. +She liked to have a crowd waiting in her anteroom at the theatre and +admitted to her august presence one at a time. It behoved her, she +explained to Morgan, to impress people from the beginning, and, though +this was the first time she had had a theatre of her own, she wanted +to appear as if to the manner born. Moreover, when he took the +opportunity, by way of expostulation, to express his sympathy with the +rejected applicants, who had been kept "hanging about" in vain, she +was able to make a show of justification, urging it had been necessary +for her to have the widest latitude of choice.</p> + +<p>When the company was complete she laughingly admitted it was none of +the finest, but it would make an excellent foil for herself.</p> + +<p>But it was only when the rehearsals began that Morgan discovered Cleo +possessed attributes, frequently associated with genius, it is true, +but by no means certain symptoms of it. Her patience was astonishingly +short and she possessed a temper that was perfectly ungovernable, once +it was roused. He likewise observed that there was a certain +domineering spirit in the whole control of the theatre.</p> + +<p>His eyes were first opened to this state of affairs one day when he +had wandered on to the stage and stood surveying the desolate +emptiness of the house, in the vague<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 141]</span> spaces of which cleaners flitted +about or busied themselves amid the dim tiers of swathed seats. +Orchestra practice was proceeding in the band room, and Morgan stayed +to listen for awhile. A sudden high-pitched brutal comment gave him +the first inkling of the conductor's bullying methods.</p> + +<p>The discovery soon followed that the stage manager was worse than the +conductor, and that, when Cleo once lost her head, which she did very +easily at rehearsals, she became almost hysteric. She was, however, +always ready to explain away her exhibitions of temper, saying that +the stupidity of the players and the worry of making things go right +were trying beyond human endurance. Which explanation he had perforce +to accept.</p> + +<p>It was in apprehension of witnessing her outbreaks that he dared not +stay at the theatre during rehearsal hours for more than a few minutes +at a time. He could not help knowing, however, lounging about the +house as he did, that Cleo was disliked by all the company, she and +the stage manager being bracketed together as a pair of bullies. He +was aware he himself was better liked, for he got on very well indeed +with a couple of the men and thought them "very decent fellows." +Though their poverty forced them to borrow occasional half-crowns of +him, that only made him sympathise with them the more.</p> + +<p>Morgan himself would have been puzzled to tell what difference the new +light in which Cleo was showing herself was making in his attitude +towards her. Her personality, taken as a whole, remained fully as +wonderful and impressive for him as before, and in the hours of her +calm he could scarcely believe he had ever seen her<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 142]</span> worked up into +such tense, nervous states. At such times there seemed possibilities +of indulgent explanation, for in all else she was living up to his +conception and to his expectations of her. His faith in her genius was +unshaken. Nothing had occurred to make him doubt the glorious +successes to come. Yet were the shortcomings she had so far displayed +distinct and tormenting drawbacks to the enthusiasm with which he had +begun.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 143]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.III" id="CHAPTER_III.III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + + +<p>The frenzy of activity grew greater as the time of opening approached. +The three weeks allotted for the rehearsal swept by for Morgan in +tempestuous flight—an impression which he got from watching the +feverish evolutions of his Cleo. He found himself, too, drawn into +London night life, assisting at restaurant supper parties and sitting +down with men in evening dress who affected cloaks and crush hats, and +who were scarcely names to him. Cleo presided, sometimes as hostess, +sometimes as guest; Morgan, who figured as "my husband," having the +feeling that the others were just civilly tolerant to him. As for +himself, he was inclined to be taciturn, being little versed in the +matters on which the rest discoursed so racily. Cleo gave him to +understand that these men, and others he had stumbled against in the +corridors of the theatre and who seemed to have an easy entrée to her, +were those whose good will it was necessary to secure—critics, +journalists and the like. She further confided to him that she +considered she had achieved a triumph in drawing them round her. Asked +if they were of the first importance, she had to confess most of them +were attached to various weekly papers, whose influence, however, she +thought must be considerable. The names of the sheets were but dimly +familiar to Morgan and had that equivocal ring about them that +suggested vagueness of circulation. He did<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 144]</span> not quite approve of this +fawning on critics and hinted as much, whereupon Cleo insisted the +critics were only too glad to fawn on her.</p> + +<p>"Do you suppose they have no insight?" she asked, "that they are +incapable of recognising beauty and genius? They can read the future +in my face, and for the sake of their own reputation they dare not +overlook or ignore me at the outset."</p> + +<p>The world seemed to hold its breath on the last day, and Morgan was +conscious of a strange hush that seemed to hang over the crowded, +grinding thoroughfares. The last of the money had been spent in +advertising, and every portable effect, including his own watch, had +gone to raise more. All day long he lounged about the theatre in +feverish suspense. From the box office man—an incommunicative +individual with an absurd mustache, who spoke with an air of +resentment at being accosted—he learned that the advance booking had +been very slight, that, so far, the announcements and the various odd +paragraphs from the pen of Bohemian acquaintances, who had spoken very +favourably of Cleo's beauty, had failed to attract more than seven or +eight pounds.</p> + +<p>But never for a moment did Cleo lose faith in the venture—that would +have been to lose faith in herself. Of course she knew her name was +absolutely unfamiliar to the public, she explained, in anticipation of +unsatisfactory takings, and, therefore, she could not expect to draw a +full house the first night. She had, however, taken steps to secure +appearances by an extensive distribution of paper. But she expected +the effect of her performance to be magnetic. She alone would stand +forth and the play and the rest of the players would scarcely<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 145]</span> obtrude +on the consciousness of the spectators. After the first evening or two +they would certainly have to turn away business.</p> + +<p>The near approach of the moment when the realisation of his panoramic +visions was at last to begin, freshened again in Morgan all his sense +of the romance of the situation. There had been times in the last few +days when he had suffered from despondency. There were sides to +theatrical life that were little to his taste. He had long since +known, for instance, that the stage manager was addicted to obscene +talk; and when, one day, just as in the middle of a rehearsal he was +about to step from the wings on to the stage, he was arrested by a +torrent of vileness that came from that same individual, he was not +very much surprised at the mere fact. But he was vexed and disgusted +that the fellow should not have restrained himself in the presence of +Cleo. What was worse, Cleo herself seemed to be perfectly unaware of +anything exceptionable, for she made not the least protest; from which +Morgan gathered that the sort of thing must be quite usual and that, +had he not shunned the rehearsals so persistently, he would have known +it before. Thus, there were moments when he felt utterly alone in this +strange life, when he longed for real, human sympathy. He yearned for +some other being who was not Cleo, to whom to turn, to whom to pour +out the human emotion that was in him; some being who belonged to the +life from which he had cut himself off, and to which he looked back +almost as from another world. Yet these were only momentary longings +that mastered him. His whole interest, his whole imagination, were +bound up with his present life; and the fas<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 146]</span>cination exerted over him +by Cleo and the wonderful future he believed was to be hers sufficed +to attach him enthusiastically to her career.</p> + +<p>Thus, as the rising of the curtain approached, so did the excitement +in him overcome every other emotion; so did he become absolutely a +creature of this region into which he had plunged, breathing its air +with avidity and entranced by the prospect.</p> + +<p>"I've a surprise in store for you, dear," Cleo confided to him that +day at lunch. "I've arranged a special scene at the beginning of the +second act, in which I alone appear. No one has any suspicion of it, +but I tell you, dear, the effect will be wonderful. Coming after I +shall have charmed everybody with my acting in the first act, it will +carry the audience off its feet with enthusiasm."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 147]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.IV" id="CHAPTER_III.IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + + +<p>Morgan, installed in a box, all by himself, was eagerly interested in +the audience as it came straggling into the house, which, thanks to +the paper distributed, ultimately presented a pretty compact +appearance. He himself was ignorant how much real business had been +done, but, so far as he could judge, the gallery and pit were being +fairly well patronised. No doubt a good many had been drawn by the +gorgeous poster representing Cleo, twice her natural size, and dressed +in a costume somewhat like the one she had worn when he had first made +her acquaintance. Appropriately huge ornamental letter-press declared +her to be "The Basha's Favourite;" and it was on the first act of "The +Basha's Favourite" that the audience was now waiting for the curtain +to rise.</p> + +<p>And at this moment of culminating excitement the scene impressed +Morgan curiously. His mood was essentially one of romance. That the +play itself was full of inanities was forgotten; but its title and +Egyptian colour together with Cleo's personality had somehow got +inter-blent and interwoven with the enterprise itself, making even its +commercial and prosaic sides instinct with mystery and unreality. He +seemed to have wandered into an Arabian Nights' tale. The figures that +filled the stalls, pit, and galleries took on the aspect of a crowd +that might people a dream or the visions a child seeks in its pillow. +He was conscious of the shapeless totality of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 148]</span> myriad conversations—a +blur of sound, mystic and bewildering.</p> + +<p>Now, too, the front rows of stalls, which he knew were reserved for +the critics, began to fill, and a waft of unpleasantness came to him +as he recognised a few of the acquaintances he had made at recent +supper parties. The disturbance was fatal to his mood. He felt +suddenly unstrung. A strange sense of unhappiness invaded him—a +bitter, far-embracing uncertainty. He was uncertain of himself, of his +life, of all life. The solid scene faded from before his eyes. He +became self-centred. All his consciousness of living and having +lived—his consciousness of all he had ever felt and all he had ever +thought and all he had ever done—was with him as a vast bitterness +that gave him a sense as of an infinite nebula. And then, as in a +flash, this nebula concentred itself into a point—a point that was +his whole sense of life and consciousness. He was now as in a black +tomb, without past, without future, without sense of direction, +without an active thought; with only a mere awareness of existing, +with only the cognizance of the present time-point on the flowingness +of his consciousness.</p> + +<p>The tuning of instruments began just then, and the rasping sound tore +at him, dragging him back to a consciousness of externals. Then, as +his eyes rested again on the stalls, he drew right back instinctively +into the shadow of his box. For he had caught sight of Lady Thiselton.</p> + +<p>She was in the fourth row from the orchestra and by her side he +recognised Mrs. Blackstone. They could only have just entered, for he +was sure those two seats had been empty but the moment before. He felt +tol<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 149]</span>erably certain Helen had not yet seen him, and he intended to take +care she should not see him. Yet he had an intuition that she knew +all.</p> + +<p>In his altered position in the box he was fairly safe from recognition +by her, even whilst he could watch her closely, noting the quick, +eager glances she cast about her from time to time as if she thought +it possible he might be seated amid the audience. Eventually, however, +she lapsed into a sort of listless immobility.</p> + +<p>And even though he shrank from her, her advent brought back to him a +yearning wistfulness; it awakened and half-appeased a sense akin to +home-sickness. In that moment he would have liked to fly to her—how +much had she stood for in his life! She symbolized for him all that of +humanness which is comprised in the word "comradeship;" she +represented the truth, attachment and loyalty in human relations even +as Margaret represented the perfume, the sweetness, and the +perfection.</p> + +<p>The rise of the curtain forced him to take his eyes off her. The +background of the scene on the stage was apparently the pillared +exterior of a palace, yet the foreground was a carpeted space in which +a many-coloured medley of yataghaned men with baggy breeches and +beautiful slave-girls in Oriental costumes kept re-forming in +ever-shifting kaleidoscopic grouping. And then the audience suddenly +were aware that the medley had divided into two harmonious +sub-medleys, whilst, in the chasm left towards the front, Cleo stood +majestically and addressed a verbose harangue to the Basha, her +relation to whom was known from the title of the play. In full view +and hearing of so heterogeneous a crowd did the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 150]</span> Basha in return +reproach her with coldness and indifference to him, which she +vehemently denied, playing the <i>femme incomprise</i> and by her perfect +self-assurance cloaking an intrigue, which Morgan knew she was +carrying on with a handsome Christian, because, having read the play, +he knew what was coming.</p> + +<p>In the unfolding of the plot, Morgan was quite uninterested. In fact, +he had long since lost all grasp of its movement and meaning, and, +instead of taking in the dialogue, he contented himself with judging +effects and their impression on the audience.</p> + +<p>Though he had seen a little of the rehearsals, he had not yet acquired +any notion of Cleo's abilities, for she had been busy directing and +criticising, simply reading her part as a "fill-in." He had all along +taken it for granted that she must be a great actress. At his most +despondent moments he had never doubted that, simply because it had +never occurred to him to doubt it. However, he was not without some +notion of what good acting should be, and he felt something like a +murderous bludgeon blow when, at the end of five minutes, it began to +be forced on him that she had not even the least glimmer of instinct +for her art.</p> + +<p>Despite all her magnificence and the absence of any gaucherie in her +movements when off the stage, all natural grace disappeared the moment +she attempted to be somebody else. Her delivery was unnatural and +pompous; her motions were stiff, strained, ridiculous. The whole of +the first act was unsatisfying to the intelligence, but instead of +dominating it by the force of her personality, Cleo, by the +incompetence of her acting, set up its silliness in relief. If she had +not talked as much as<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 151]</span> all the other characters put together—for every +word that even the Basha managed to steal in elicited ten against +it—there would have been nothing to suggest she was the leading +character. At one point, indeed, her absurd strutting about the stage +drew a chuckle from somewhere among the ranks of the critics. To watch +her became so painful that Morgan at last turned away his eyes.</p> + +<p>All was over. His beautiful visions had gone. His eyes were suddenly +opened and he found himself transported from dreamland, not to +reality—for he could not yet believe this was reality—but into what +seemed a horrible nightmare.</p> + +<p>The act ended at last and the curtain fell amid a frigid silence. Then +there was a little clapping in the gallery—the colour had no doubt +pleased a few of the spectators. But it died away immediately in +discouragement.</p> + +<p>There were the usual noises of shuffling and disarrangement and +talking and exits. Morgan drew back as far as he could into the +shadow. He was glad to be thus isolated—he could overhear no +criticism or comments. Naturally his looks stole towards Helen. She +had not moved. He could see that a strange, sad expression had come +over her face. Then she seemed to smile as Mrs. Blackstone made some +remark to her and a reply fell languidly from her lips, after which a +desultory conversation sprang up between the two.</p> + +<p>In that moment it seemed to Morgan that Helen had some wondrous power +against fate and he seemed to be wishing with the intensity of prayer +that she might raise her hand and release him from his nightmare.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 152]</span>But he knew that was only a yearning fancy!</p> + +<p>And as the thought came to him that the curtain was to rise again in a +moment, it brought back to his memory the precious confidence Cleo had +whispered to him at lunch time.</p> + +<p>"I've a surprise in store for you, dear"—the words surged up again in +his ears—"I've arranged a special scene at the beginning of the +second act, in which I alone appear. No one has any suspicion of it, +but I tell you, dear, that the effect will be wonderful. Coming after +I shall have charmed everybody with my acting in the first act, it +will carry the audience off its feet with enthusiasm."</p> + +<p>As nobody had the air of having been charmed by the first act, he +wondered how the predicted effect would be altered in consequence.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 153]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.V" id="CHAPTER_III.V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + + +<p>Morgan, of course, could not guess the nature of the new scene that +Cleo was now going to introduce. The stage during the second act was +to represent "a private apartment in the palace," and here the action +assumed some dramatic semblance, taking the following course: The +Christian lover manages to effect an entry into this same private +apartment and to hold a long, loving discourse with the Basha's +favourite, and when eventually the two are about to embrace, in comes +no less a personage than the Basha himself, and advances quietly on +tip-toe and listens for awhile. Suddenly he stamps his foot on the +ground and the room is filled, as by magic, with eunuchs and soldiers. +The audience once more get kaleidoscopic impressions, and Cleo and the +Christian are seized and bound, both spitting defiance and declaring +their mutual eternal love, on hearing which the Basha turns pale under +his Oriental skin. The curtain falls as he bids his myrmidons put her +into a sack and heave her into the Nile, and his favourite is carried +off, loudly bidding her lover take heart, for she loves him and will +love him always.</p> + +<p>Morgan could not see what Cleo could possibly add to this, and his +curiosity gave him some little temporary spurt of interest as the +curtain rose. Up it went, slowly, slowly, and the apartment in the +palace stood revealed in all the glory of gilded pillars and mirrors +and rugs.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 154]</span> In front of a huge stretch of mirror on the right was a +couch, on which sat Cleo, wrapped in a sort of yellow silk cloak which +fell about her in pleasing folds. Morgan was beginning to think that +she must have deemed it best to omit the innovation, when Cleo rose +languorously, took a step towards the great mirror, and, standing +erect, inspected herself therein. "Yes, I am worthy of him," she said +to herself proudly, then, with a brusque movement, she disengaged the +garment from her shoulders and it slipped to the ground and lay there +in a soft heap. The spectators then became aware that, save for a sort +of transparent web of floating serpentine drapery, it had been her +sole covering, and Cleo herself remained gazing into the mirror, +regarding her gleaming reflection with evident admiration, whilst the +other mirrors likewise gave back the sinuous grace and superb +modelling of her body.</p> + +<p>The silence for a moment was profound and painful. Cleo's audacity had +caught the audience by the throat so that it could not breathe. Her +all-consuming egotism had driven her to this device for satisfying her +rage for the world's admiration. And as she stood there in statuesque +pose, her rich golden-red hair falling over her shoulders and the full +scarlet of her lips gleaming startlingly, awaiting a great storm of +charmed applause, for which the audience seemed to be gathering its +forces in the interval, again she sent that strange loose softness of +her voice floating through the theatre like a hot wind: "Yes, I am +worthy of him."</p> + +<p>But she had scarcely got through the phrase when a piercing cat-call +shrilled through the house from the back of the pit. Almost +simultaneously a derisive howl<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 155]</span> came from the gallery; and then an +appalling hissing, hooting, and groaning broke on Cleo with the force +of a tempest that drove towards her from all points. She turned a +defiant face to it and gave the house a blazing look of contempt. But +a whole chorus of cat-calls now sprang up, dominating a sort of +see-saw of dissonant disapprobation. The stalls alone sat in solemn, +wondering silence, not unmixed with apprehension. And suddenly the +curtain began to descend, whereupon the uproar ceased abruptly in +favour of a mighty spontaneous outbreak of cheering, unmistakably +ironic.</p> + +<p>Those behind the scenes had been as much astonished as those in front, +and the stage manager, as soon as he had collected his wits, had +adopted the only sensible alternative the situation afforded.</p> + +<p>A silence fell again upon the theatre. Not a person stirred. An +obvious curiosity as to what was to follow possessed the house. In a +minute the curtain rose again—on the same apartment in the palace. +Cleo reclined on the same couch, robed in a terra-cotta gown which +Morgan recognised at once. And then there came a tapping at a little +window, and, after much appropriate dramatic business, this window was +opened by Cleo, and her lover leaped into the room, man-like and +adventurous.</p> + +<p>But Cleo's audacious mistake had wrought a miracle on the audience, +destroying the stage-illusion, and rousing its dormant light of +intelligence. Its capacity for being profoundly played upon and +emotionally excited by the inartistic unrealities of absurd +characterisation and of absurd combinations of circumstance had been +rendered unresponsive. In vain did the play appeal to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 156]</span> its ethical +sense, striving to enlist its hope for the ultimate triumph of the +Good, the True, and the Wronged. It had begun to view "The Basha's +Favourite" in an extremely critical mood, and to manifest its keen +sense of the utter impossibility of a play, which in years gone by had +enchanted and moved to tears average audiences, not only in its native +land, but in London as well, where it had been a sort of fountain-head +for multitudinous adaptation.</p> + +<p>Cleo, however, went straight on with the performance, carrying it +through with an indomitable defiance, caring not at all that the +intensest passages, which otherwise would have thrilled, were received +with scorn and laughter and ironical cheers and cries of "Go it, old +girl!" Each time a servant made an entry he was received with an +enormous ovation. Single voices were heard again and again in +sarcastic comment, now from the top of the house, now from the back. +As the curtain fell at the end of each act, the disorder became +volcanic, but the stage manager knew better than to allow the curtain +to go up again in response to the continued applause.</p> + +<p>Certain it was that the audience thoroughly enjoyed its evening, and, +when the curtain fell for the last time, surpassed itself in a great +demonstration of its frolicsome mood. It had been obvious throughout +that the house had been quite conscious of its own superior +intellectuality, of its immeasurable elevation above the fare offered. +But Morgan derived his sense of the ghastly failure of the whole +business, not so much from the demeanour of the audience as from that +of one of the critics, who somehow summed it up for him. This critic, +whose bald pate had fascinated his eye, had a curiously<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 157]</span> irritating, +spasmodic chuckle, and Morgan in vain tried to be unaware of him.</p> + +<p>In the intervals of the acts he had remained numbed and dazed, only +gathering to himself a grain of sympathy from the piteous look in +Helen's face. Her demeanour confirmed his intuition, that she must +know everything. She had sat rigid and mournfully attentive in +contrast to Mrs. Blackstone, who had laughed with decorous unrestraint +the whole evening. But he could not prevail upon himself to let her +discover him, and at once plunged behind the scenes to get to Cleo.</p> + +<p>He found her in her dressing-room with her maid, who had come to the +theatre to help her, and he had a thrill of disgust as he watched her +rub the cleansing grease over her painted cheeks. It now struck him as +horrible—this pollution of the human face night after night with +filthy cosmetics that could only be removed by a filthier grease. He +felt that all she had so far restrained was going to break forth and +he stood by with subdued mien. Such shattering as had befallen himself +he was strong enough not to consider for the moment. His immediate +feeling was one of pity for her. He fancied he saw her now, not as the +heroine of his fantasy, but just as she was. Sympathy in him there was +none, and he could not make a hypocritical show of any. But he soon +understood that she took it for granted his faith in her was as +unshaken as her own; that she really believed her performance had been +a great one. Her self-illusion was pitiable. She burst forth into +bitter invective against the public, he listening without being able +to find his tongue, but with the consciousness that, even if she had +behaved madly that evening, the audience de<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 158]</span>served at least some of her +censure. Why had it sat there, so determined to have its evening's fun +out, cruelly hounding and torturing a creature who, from her very +temperament, must have found the punishment a hellish one? Why, if +people had really been shocked, had they not quietly left the theatre? +That surely would have been sufficient indication of their +disapproval. "I am not beaten yet!" cried Cleo, with frenzy. "The day +will come when these people will fight and trample over one another's +bodies to catch the least glimpse of me. To-day they have rejected me +with scorn, as they have always rejected the greatest. Read the early +careers of the actresses the world now worships! But I am a hundred +times more determined than before. The public shall treasure the dust +my feet have trod on. They shall look back on to-night as a blot on +their lives. My genius shall triumph! My genius shall force them to +submission!"</p> + +<p>However, he induced her to come and have a little supper alone with +him. As they passed out through the stage door the man handed him a +twisted note, which Cleo was too absorbed to notice. A glance sufficed +to enable him to recognize Helen's writing, though it was but hastily +scrawled in lead. The fact that it was addressed to him in his +newly-assumed name was the final confirmation of her knowledge of his +fate. He put it away till he could read it, trying not to wonder at +its contents.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, he was shutting his eyes as to what was to follow. He knew +very well that even if he opened them he would equally see nothing, +but it gave him some comfort to imagine he was shutting out a view it +were<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 159]</span> better not to look at. He managed to get Cleo to eat and drink a +little, and when she was calmer she told him the theatre was to open +the next evening just as if they had scored a great success. He knew +better than to make any show of opposition or disapproval just then, +though his heart became still heavier at this announcement of hers. He +mentally vowed, however, he would take care to remain behind the +scenes. He did not venture to ask her whether she intended to repeat +"the innovation" that had done the mischief, because he feared her +pride might force her to defiant assertion that she would most +certainly repeat it; whereas, if no reference were made to it, she +would, in all probability, quietly omit it.</p> + +<p>She ended by a great fit of hysteric weeping that lasted half the +night.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 160]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.VI" id="CHAPTER_III.VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"My poor, dear Morgan," read Lady Thiselton's note. "My heart is +a-bleeding. The moment I saw her appear I understood everything. +Of course, I don't know how you came to meet her, but such a +creature was bound to be fatal to you. Your marriage to her can +only be considered as the veriest mockery. It would be a crime +against Heaven—observe that this crisis has made me +religious—to look upon it seriously at all. Won't you come to +see me, Morgan? You must need a friend and surely I have the +right to be that friend. Why not come to-morrow afternoon; or +when you will, if you will send me a message. H. T."</p> + +<p>"P. S.—I hope she'll see this so that she quarrels with you and +casts you off."</p></div> +<p> </p> + +<p>He knew he must go to her, but he shrank from doing so as yet, though +he did not try to explain to himself the shrinking. So he sent her a +line saying he would come one afternoon when he felt he had the +courage. After posting the letter he had a great longing to cry.</p> + +<p>He realised the ugliness of the position now, his terrible relation to +this strange, hysteric woman, and the thought kept darting through his +mind like a whizzing shaft of flame: "I am married to her, I am +married to her!"</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 161]</span>To weave poetry out of life! That was simply to attempt what poets and +philosophers and even imaginative men of affairs, seduced by the +apparent novelty of the notion, had attempted before him. At a certain +point of existence, such men find it easy to tell themselves—as if in +unsuspecting answer to some dim foresight of what the experiment might +lead to—that it does not matter much what happens to one in life, so +long as it is a series of interesting happenings; interesting, that +is, to each according to his temperament. But poems woven of reality +are not the same detached products as poems written on paper. They are +an integral part of life, and, as such, related to its great forward +sweep. All the consequences that attach to human action must attach to +the particular weaving, however fantastic and pleasing the immediate +pattern.</p> + +<p>Morgan was now face to face with the consequences of this attitude he +had taken towards existence, though it had been forced on him by his +temperament. And they were consequences that were not goodly to look +upon.</p> + +<p>Cleo had gone early to the theatre to go into the accounts and to show +everybody she was not in the least disconcerted. When he himself +arrived some time later she informed him that last night's takings +were about twenty-five pounds, but she had already paid away the bulk +of it for fresh advertising. She was once more calm and business-like, +despite that their funds were exhausted, and besides various +liabilities there were the salaries and wages to be paid at the end of +the week. As yet, however, nobody about the house had any suspicion of +the emptiness of the treasury.</p> + +<p>The newspapers, he was glad to find, had dealt with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 162]</span> Cleo very gently. +The notices were short and cold, just giving an outline of the play, +which, they said, was indifferently acted and practically a failure. +No mention was made of her indiscretion and it was perfectly obvious +from the tone of these notices that the writers had felt she had been +sufficiently punished, and that, for the rest, she was not to be taken +seriously. There came, too, a message from the censor, to whom, +somehow, last night's occurrence had got known, to the effect that the +beginning of the second act must be omitted, else he must forbid the +play to be repeated. From his letter it was clear the censor was +taking the same charitable view as the critics, and that he foresaw +the piece would very soon die a natural death. Cleo shrugged her +shoulders and wrote the necessary undertaking. Morgan understood that +her "innovation" might have got her into serious trouble, had not the +entire hopelessness of her acting proclaimed her as a person to be +pitied.</p> + +<p>That same day Morgan could not help broaching the subject of the +finances. The money side of the enterprise had by now got stamped on +his brain. He had a grasp of the various items of their liabilities, +and he felt the responsibility for them to rest upon him. No longer +might he repose at ease in the secure shade of her mighty presence. +She, however, refused to bow her head under the weight of business +difficulties.</p> + +<p>"We have till the week's end," she said. "There is nothing to worry +about now."</p> + +<p>He did not find this reply reassuring and felt impelled to make out +for himself a list of the debts, including the salaries and wages that +would have to be provided for by the Saturday. The total amount was +about three<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 163]</span> hundred pounds, the same as the sum already expended. He +carefully put the list away in his pocket-book, with what end he knew +not.</p> + +<p>In the evening the house presented a rather more than half-filled +appearance, a result which had been mainly achieved by paper. At the +box office the takings were only about seven pounds. It was quite +clear that Cleo, whatever gossip she might have caused in professional +circles, had created no profound sensation in the town, so that not +even a <i>succès de scandale</i> was decreed to her. The play itself went +very fairly indeed this second time, though it was acted scarcely a +whit better than the evening before. Cleo perhaps put a trifle more +ornamentation into her part, but the audience showed no critical +tendencies.</p> + +<p>On the third evening the theatre was two-thirds empty, and two pounds +four and sixpence represented the seats actually paid for. On the +fourth evening they played almost to empty benches, the takings +amounting to seventeen shillings and sixpence. This ended the +experiment.</p> + +<p>The fifth day—Friday—was an eventful one, for duns began to arrive +early in the morning. The creditors had suddenly become assailed with +doubts, which were now deepened by the return of their emissaries, who +not only had been unable to obtain access to Cleo, but who had +furtively been warned by the traitorous stage manager "to look sharp +after their money." The <i>camaraderie</i> that had hitherto subsisted +between that gentleman and Cleo had come to an abrupt end, she cutting +him short impatiently in the course of some discussion and bidding him +not to argue. In further token of his an<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 164]</span>noyance he had worded a notice +she had told him to put up as follows:</p> + +<p>"The curtain will not rise to-night. Treasury to-morrow at mid-day, if +possible."</p> + +<p>The actors and actresses looked very sad, indeed, as their eye +stumbled on the last two words. Cleo, in ignorance that the stage +manager had exceeded her directions, for he had inserted the +"treasury" part of the announcement on his own responsibility, was +invaded by the company in a body. Being pressed by the ladies and +gentlemen for some definite statement about their salaries—for +several of them were in great need, having long been out of an +engagement—she turned on them in towering fury and asked how they +dared insult her by questioning her <i>bona fides</i> in that way. But as +soon as she learned what had dictated their action, she at once sent +for the stage manager and, in presence of all assembled, curtly +ordered him to leave "her theatre" immediately. At first he stood +dumfounded, and, on her repeating her injunction more vehemently, he +began to bluster back at her. A pretty scene ensued, he, with much +Billingsgate, lustily demanding his money, she insisting he must come +for it at the right time and place. In the end, she sent for the +police, and the astonished stage manager found himself forcibly +ejected. She next proceeded to tear down the offensive notice, and +soon afterwards the company departed, leaving Cleo and Morgan in sole +possession.</p> + +<p>"What's going to happen to-morrow?" he could not help saying, when +Cleo had at length finished telling him her estimate of the stage +manager's character.</p> + +<p>"When mid-day comes, the salaries shall be paid<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 165]</span> without fail," replied +Cleo unhesitatingly. "You just don't trouble your mind," she added. +"Leave me to arrange everything."</p> + +<p>He pressed her for details. But beyond a general assurance, conveyed +with an air of mystery that on the morrow he would find their coffers +quite replete, she would tell him nothing. They went to lunch +together, for there was always some small silver at the bottom of +Cleo's purse, and she then gave him to understand she had business to +transact here and there during the afternoon, and that he must amuse +himself alone as best he could.</p> + +<p>Vaguely supposing that this secret business had reference to the +raising of funds, Morgan separated from her and went back to their +rooms, where, at least, he felt he was hidden away from the world. A +little later he had an idea. He would go and see Helen.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 166]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.VII" id="CHAPTER_III.VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + + +<p>Helen looked wonderfully sweet to-day and an atmosphere of quiet calm +seemed to pervade the room. It seemed to Morgan as if he had entered +into a haven. Helen wore a simple grey gown that went well with her +subdued demeanour. The sanity and soundness that underlay her +occasional frolicsomeness and high spirits became in that moment +accentuated for him; and the almost superstitious feeling he had +experienced at seeing her at the theatre now returned to him, the +feeling that she was possessed of some magic power to redeem him.</p> + +<p>"I have been too shame-faced to come before," he began. "I knew I did +not deserve to see you again."</p> + +<p>"Don't, please," said Helen. "If you make speeches of that kind you +will force me to be flippant, quite against my sense of the fitness of +things at this moment. Not that I want to be too tragic, but my state +of mind is rather a complex one. What's yours?"</p> + +<p>"Mine is a very simple one. I am just conscious of mere existence and +of a heavy weight on my head."</p> + +<p>"I don't like your symptoms, Morgan. If I diagnose correctly, they +mean nascent 'desperation.' Now, so long as I am in the world, you +ought never to develop that disease."</p> + +<p>"But I omitted one important factor of my state of mind," he +confessed; "and that is the knowledge that you <i>are</i> in the world."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 167]</span>"And does it take your attention off the weight of the load—just a +little?"</p> + +<p>"It is the one pleasant fact I have to dwell upon. But please talk a +little about yourself. It will do me good."</p> + +<p>She, however, had little to tell him. His letter had dealt her a heavy +blow. His silence about the details of his sudden action had made her +the prey of her imagination, which had created frightful +possibilities. Her favourite theory had been—an indiscretion +committed by him in some moment of depression and a remorse that had +resulted in a marriage with some vile person. But she had been +somewhat reassured at seeing him go into the theatre one day in +company with Cleo. That had been a pure accident, of course, but it +had enabled her to divine a good deal. Cleo's appearance—she had +taken particular notice of her face—had at least narrowed that vast +dreadfulness which had till then tortured her. But it was a face that +by no means pleased her.</p> + +<p>"However," continued Helen, "it seems I've been talking about you +instead of about myself. I have been living, I suppose, in the usual +conventional routine. My conduct has been really most exemplary and +the austerest chaperon would have patted me on the head approvingly. +Oh, no, I forget. There's one little matter over which I should have +got lectured and that is my rejection of so eligible a bachelor as Mr. +Ingram, on the mere ground that I couldn't overlook his past life. +Anyhow, he hasn't committed suicide, though I fancy he has done +something worse."</p> + +<p>"You mean he has followed my example?" suggested Morgan.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 168]</span>"Not anything as bad as that. You know I'm only the daughter of a +country gentleman and the widow of a baronet. Well, he has consoled +himself by marrying the genuine brand of aristocracy, though she's a +<i>divorçée</i>. Her income's double mine; her intelligence one-tenth of +mine."</p> + +<p>"She must be a very brilliant woman, indeed."</p> + +<p>"You have developed courtly qualities, I perceive. But I am quite +ready to concede, on re-consideration, that her intellect is only the +hundredth part of mine. You know I am frightfully conceited about my +brains. But now tell me how everything came to happen? Where did you +meet her?"</p> + +<p>He recollected that Ingram was implicated in the recital and could not +be kept out. But he was in a mood when he could no longer keep back +anything. He hungered for every crumb of sympathy he could get, and, +besides, he looked upon things now with such changed eyes that such +reservations relating to his personal life as he had before set up +seemed futile and meaningless. Very soon Helen had learned how his +connection with Ingram had begun and developed, by what strange chance +the letter he had written to him had spun the first thread of the web +in which he was now floundering, and how he had sought to lose himself +in the apparent dreamland before him. Helen's eyes were fixed on him +as her quick brain seized on every point. The narration came to her as +a complete revelation.</p> + +<p>"And if I hadn't insisted on your dining that evening," she cried, +"you would never have got into this purgatory of a dreamland."</p> + +<p>"I think I should have got there all the same," he an<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 169]</span>swered, smiling, +conscious of how much good it was doing him to talk to his dear friend +again. "I must have met Ingram sooner or later and then the same thing +would have happened."</p> + +<p>"Ingram is a blackguard!" said Helen severely. "With all his +thick-headed cleverness, he had yet insight enough to know that you +would be taken with that creature. Probably he knew already how your +letter had impressed her and that she was curious about you. And so he +reckoned to play on your temperament, hoping that might prove an easy +method of ending his connection with her. Why, he must have jumped at +the idea of taking you to her."</p> + +<p>Morgan was rather apologetic on Ingram's behalf, pleading that he must +have yielded to the sudden temptation and was not really such a +Machiavellian fellow.</p> + +<p>"There have been times when, I feel sure, he spoke to me from his +heart. But I do not feel revengeful against him, so let him be dead +and buried, so far as we are concerned."</p> + +<p>"With all my heart," said Helen. "But I confess," she went on +laughingly, "it annoys me to think you saw more of the game than I +that evening. That is a fact that wounds my vanity. And now about this +theatre business. You must be in a terrible plight. Was there ever +such a man as you, Morgan, for getting into scrapes?"</p> + +<p>"When a man is born into the wrong world—" he began.</p> + +<p>"He must be a very interesting sort of person to know," concluded +Helen.</p> + +<p>When Morgan went on to relate the history of the en<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 170]</span>terprise he seemed +to get a saner adjustment of his mental focus. In the telling he had +sight of the whole business as a lamentable, real piece of his +personal life, even perceiving as he described the stormy incidents of +that morning—more dramatic than anything in "The Basha's +Favourite"—that it had not been without its humorous elements. He +understood quite well, of course, that unless Cleo now found the +requisite money, she would be hopelessly bankrupt.</p> + +<p>"And so she's confident of finding it," observed Helen.</p> + +<p>"I am quite in the dark," said Morgan.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps she intends opening the theatre again."</p> + +<p>"Heaven forbid!"</p> + +<p>"You don't expect she'd take any notice of the prohibition! Now +Morgan, dear, I think you've treated her handsomely and she has cause +to be grateful to you. You offered her the incense of a profound faith +in her genius and a profound admiration of her person. Not content +with that, she needs must have the same incense—compounded of the +same two essentials, observe you—from the world at large. For this +purpose you made her a nice little money present and enabled her to +realise her dreams of a theatre. You gave her the greatest joy of her +life. In return—what has she given you? A few kisses, a pretence of +love, and a heavy burden on your poor head! If the madcap hadn't tied +you to her, the worst criticism to be made would have been that you +could have got the kisses and the rest very much cheaper. But as it +is—well, I think you'd better say good-bye to her."</p> + +<p>Morgan shook his head. "Impossible!" he said.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 171]</span>"She wouldn't grieve very much," insisted Helen. "She certainly +couldn't go on doing anything for long except thinking of herself. You +may be sure that once she realises your present estimate of her, she +will not wish to keep you longer. She is not wicked—as I am, you +know—she is simply an exaggerated incarnation of the most +unsatisfactory sides of feminine nature. All women have something of +her in them, but the less of her they have the more charming you'll +find them. In the sham, tawdry world of the footlights she feels +something akin to her whole being. It calls to such a woman almost +from her very cradle, and fly to it she must. It is true that, in her +case, this stage-infatuation was a real misfortune, for in some other +walk she might have made a furore. That nude scene, in fact, was +symbolic of the temperament, and, had she taken to writing, would have +come out as an autobiographic novel. There are women who cannot make +themselves interesting to men without the confidence-trick, who cannot +even talk to a man for the first time without laying bare their whole +souls. Should a woman you scarcely know try the trick on you—shun +her. She also is afflicted with the same disease as your Cleo, with +the same rage for displaying her interesting self; though it may find +a more refined—and certainly a more decent—expression. I am giving +you so long a lecture because you sadly need it. I am giving away my +sisters to you, because you must be protected against them. If I had +given you a few such sermons in the past, you would not have had to +undergo the punishment of listening to this one now. Now, having well +lectured you, let us proceed to be practical. I<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 172]</span> am going to pay the +debts she has incurred and after that she ought to leave you free."</p> + +<p>"No, Helen!" exclaimed Morgan. "You have paid enough already. I feel +utterly contemptible when I think of the use to which I have put your +money."</p> + +<p>"Why will you persist in taking such unphilosophic views? For a poet, +you have a singular grip on the world. To me money is not such a +reality. And if it were, what is it between you and me? If the +position were reversed, Morgan—it may be a shocking admission to +make—I should not hesitate to take money from you, you conventional +Philistine. I thought you were above such petty considerations—to say +nothing of their coarseness."</p> + +<p>"It's unkind of you to overload me with debt and employ specious +arguments to persuade me the load doesn't weigh."</p> + +<p>"How can there be such a thing as a debt between us? I don't really +believe you're going to punish me by not behaving sensibly."</p> + +<p>And so the battle continued, each fighting doggedly. He kept dragging +in the five hundred pounds he had already had, and she insisting that +mustn't count, even if regarded from a strict business point of view. +For she claimed that he had caused her unspeakable torture of late, at +least as great as that of a lady plaintiff in a breach of promise +case, and she was, therefore, entitled to damages. The pleasure he +would give her by his agreeing to the cancelling of the old debt would +only be fair compensation. Then, since this old debt had been wiped +out, there was no reason why she should not help now.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 173]</span>He ended by compromising on both points. The repayment of the five +hundred pounds was to be deferred indefinitely, the debt itself being +absolutely cancelled in the meanwhile, but it was to revive if he +should ever have the means to satisfy it. And also Helen was to be +allowed to pay the theatrical liabilities, provided Cleo agreed to her +doing so, though her identity was not to be divulged.</p> + +<p>"And now that we have at last come to an understanding, I think we +deserve some tea after our exertions," she declared, rising to ring +for it. "Practically I have gained my points, though not verbally. I +have profound faith in woman's dogged persistence. It can achieve +anything—even win your love, Morgan. Let me see. How far had we got? +You were to kiss me on the forehead once each time? And this stage has +four months to run before any advance can be made."</p> + +<p>Her reference to her love for him chilled him. Somehow he now believed in it + as real, though he had always taken it as a toying pretence. He had come to + her to-day as to a comrade—to feel himself in shelter for a little while, + and for the luxury of opening his heart to her. And now there came upon him + a great sense of guilt towards Helen, perhaps accentuated at that moment when + his consciousness of her worth had arrived at its fullest and had endeared her + to him more than ever before. He was filled with remorse as he remembered he + had taken pleasure in keeping from her the knowledge of Margaret's very existence, + when Margaret was for him all that Helen aspired to be.</p> + +<p>His habit of keeping the various threads of his life distinct had led +him to omit the consideration of what<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 174]</span> might be involved in their +subtle relation, for they were all necessarily related since they were +merged in the wholeness of his life; and it seemed to him now, all +a-thrill as he was with Helen's sympathy, he had behaved abominably in +not telling her that his spirit vibrated only for Margaret, that the +thought of Margaret brought him all the magic emotion that floats and +palpitates, like some wondrous sweet perfume, and that the elect who +love true alone may know.</p> + +<p>He had already told her to-day much of what he had hidden from her. +Let him complete the confession and reveal even what was most sacred +to him. Even now he was conscious of certain instincts that made for +reservation, but he fought against them.</p> + +<p>"Helen," he called, "I wonder whether you would care to listen to the +sentimental chapters."</p> + +<p>She had been watching his face whilst he had hesitated and she now +grew white.</p> + +<p>"You know we used to talk quite a deal about those sentimental +chapters," he went on. "There was a sweet little girl, too, whose +existence you suspected."</p> + +<p>"I remember," said Helen faintly. "We did talk about those chapters, +but you would never let me get a glimpse of what was inside them. And +then I could never really learn whether they were real or imaginary. +As a woman of the world, I believed there must be such chapters in the +biography of a young man who had lived twenty-eight whole years; as a +woman in love with the young man of twenty-eight, I longed to +disbelieve in them. Which shows that the real nature of the individual +is finer than life is. Life would make us all cynics if the noble in +some of us did not find truth too plebeian<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 175]</span> a fellow to keep company +with. I have long since suspected that truth is not that beautiful +nude young person one sees rising out of wells at Academy Exhibitions. +Illusion, at any rate, is every whit as real a factor of the universe, +and it is far more agreeable to live with. So, naturally, Morgan, I +chose it to live with, hoping, of course, it was not illusion. +However, there <i>was</i> a sweet, little girl?"</p> + +<p>"Your inference from my poem was perfectly correct."</p> + +<p>"Farewell, my fine dreams," said Helen, in mock-heroic declamation, +which did not blind him to the pain beneath. "But you'll introduce me +to her, won't you?"</p> + +<p>"It's the sweet little girl's sister," he corrected; "but I can't +introduce you to her, because I shall never see her again."</p> + +<p>"You <i>shall</i> see her again," said Helen. "Don't be such a faint +heart."</p> + +<p>"Even if I were free, I am not fit even to look at her."</p> + +<p>"The sooner you get a more appreciative conception of yourself, the +better."</p> + +<p>"Truth has too great a hold over me for that."</p> + +<p>"How fine it must be to be loved by you," half-mused Helen. "With you +it is first love and everlasting."</p> + +<p>"Yes, it is everlasting. It is a quality of my fibre, divinely inwoven +like mind in matter. It is something immortal, so that even if +Margaret change and forget me wholly, she can never take away the +living fragrance that came to me in the first times. I have loved her +and shall love her always."</p> + +<p>"What nice things you say. If they could only have been inspired by +me! But all that is over now. So her<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 176]</span> name's Margaret. I am sure she +will never change, nor even begin to forget you, Morgan. But won't you +begin to read those chapters now? I do so want to hear them."</p> + +<p>He placed them before her unreservedly and she at length had his life +complete. But when he had finished he was alarmed at her pallor.</p> + +<p>"You are not well, Helen," he cried impulsively.</p> + +<p>"'Tis nothing. I shall be all right in a moment." She drew her breath +heavily. "It feels like pins and needles," she added. "I want to get +the transition over now, though it is rather an abrupt one."</p> + +<p>"The transition!" he repeated, only half-comprehending.</p> + +<p>"Yes. It is attended with queer sensations. Pins and needles, +thousands of them—and something feels tight. But I shall emerge all +the better for it. So far I have only loved you; henceforth I want to +love you and Margaret as well."</p> + +<p>"How I have made you suffer!" he murmured brokenly. His hand sought +hers. "My good angel!"</p> + +<p>She drew her hand back.</p> + +<p>"No—not angel, but only a simple prophet; and as a prophet I tell you +you were born to be happy."</p> + +<p>He shook his head, bethinking himself he must go back to his Cleo.</p> + +<p>"Now I hope you won't make me miserable again," said Helen, as he rose +to go, "by leaving me in the dark about you. And mind you let me know +at once if you have need of me to-morrow. A special messenger will be +sure to find me, as I shall not be leaving the house till four +o'clock. Keep a stout heart and let the light of hope vanquish the +vapours and fogs. Above all, bear my prophecy in mind."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 177]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.VIII" id="CHAPTER_III.VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + + +<p>When Morgan got back to their lodgings he had the sensation of +entering the atmosphere of a charnel house. Cleo had not come home +yet, and he had leisure to ponder on Helen's attitude towards him and +her bearing when she had learned all. Of course, he told himself, he +must not take any notice of her wild suggestion that he and Cleo must +part and that their marriage didn't count; nor did he permit himself +to be allured by her optimistic pre-perception of the future. Noble +heart that she was, she had been striving to lessen his pain. He felt +he understood what had prompted her every word. And the readiness with +which she had bowed her head in acceptance of the emotional position +as soon as she knew about Margaret compelled his admiration. Not a +word of rebellion, but only a quick gasp of breath; and then he was +conscious he had won a sturdy ally.</p> + +<p>Ally! When there was to be no battle, was not the word an empty one? +Yet no; surely it was a blessed thing to know of a ready and willing +heart, even if its services could not avail one! That which signified +naught in practical light signified much humanly.</p> + +<p>He was awake now, could see the exact bearings of things, and he felt +a desperate courage to stand his ground. All his sense of suffering, +of the shipwreck he had made, and of what he might have to face in the +next few days, had become fused into one large poignant emo<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 178]</span>tion. It +was an extra poignancy to be aware that Helen would continue to suffer +because of his determination to face the consequences. But he was +married to Cleo, and, unless she expressly left him, he must stand by +her.</p> + +<p>Cleo returned about half-past five and ordered some tea. She said she +was just a little tired, but her face was jubilant as she handed him +two weekly papers that had appeared that day containing laudatory +notices of "The Basha's Favourite," In spite of her attempting to +appear calm, he could see she was very much excited about them, and +when he had read the strings of unblushing falsehood and handed them +back to her in silence, she lovingly let her eye run over them again. +Over the tea, she grew eloquent once more, especially drawing his +attention to the truth of particular phrases and to the admirable +insight and appreciation of the writers. But she volunteered no +information about the business which had occupied her afternoon. +Morgan was somewhat puzzled. He was still inclined to hold to his +belief that she had gone on some harum-scarum chase after money, but +as she did not manifest the least sign of disappointment or dejection, +it was hard to think that her pockets were as empty as before. He +refrained from questioning her, however, for in a grim way he had +begun to derive entertainment from watching her, and he, therefore, +did not wish to interfere with her. He preferred to wait and see what +coup it was she was now preparing.</p> + +<p>After tea, Cleo suggested it would be a good idea if she had her +effects removed from the theatre. Her costumes, in particular, she was +eager to have safe at home. So Morgan accompanied her to the theatre. +She had already packed everything in a large trunk, which she<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 179]</span> now had +carried down. But in the corridor the two commissionaires attached to +the house sternly blocked the way. They were very sorry, but the +lessees' orders were that nothing was to be allowed to pass out, +having regard to the amount still due under the contract for the +theatre.</p> + +<p>Cleo passionately ordered them to stand aside. The men insisted that +though the obligation of paying their wages rested on her, they were +still the lessees' servants, and had to obey their orders. Morgan +argued with them quietly, but found them obdurate. He did not know if +this action of the lessees was legal or not, but anyhow money was +owing to them and there seemed to be a show of justice on their side. +He took Cleo aside and besought her to let the matter rest for the +moment, pointing out that, as the men were so determined, there was +nothing else to be done, short of a physical set-to. "Besides," he +added, "if you are quite confident of settling everything to-morrow, +the trunk may just as well stay here over night."</p> + +<p>To this Cleo ultimately agreed, won over by Morgan's last argument. +But none the less did she give loud expression to all that was in her +mind anent the lessees and the commissionaires. She went home again +with Morgan in the worst of humours at having been thus baffled. But +later in the evening she attired herself gaily and carried him off to +a little restaurant supper party, given by a gentleman he had met +before, but about whose occupation he possessed no information, though +he had gathered that the theatre was his chief interest. There was one +other lady, plentifully powdered, and two other men of the party, but +the host was the most garrulous of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 180]</span> all, pouring out the most fulsome +flattery of Cleo's acting and assuring her the critics hadn't treated +her fairly and that all artistic aspiration was wasted on the British +public. The same ground was traversed again and again, the bulk of the +conversation centering round Cleo.</p> + +<p>To Morgan it seemed that Cleo had made an enormous number of +acquaintances in the few weeks that had elapsed since their marriage, +and with many of them she appeared to be on terms of easy +<i>camaraderie</i>. Every day during the week scores of visitors had +dropped in to see her and to chat familiarly—all sorts of strange men +and women that seemed to flock round her, anomalous citizens of +Bohemia, vague hangers-on of the theatrical cosmos; all that strange +melange of the happy-go-lucky, the eccentric, the ill-balanced, the +blackguardly, the unprincipled, the hapless, the shiftless, the +unclassed, the sensual and the besotted that shoulder and hustle one +another in the world of the theatre; all the riff-raff recruited from +the greater world without by the fascinating glare of the footlights.</p> + +<p>The supper was a gay one, and Cleo, drawing new life from the stream +of adulation, strolled home on Morgan's arm, overflowing with the +wonder of her own personality, was it in regard to her genius as an +actress, or was it in regard to the magnetism of her beauty. Her step +seemed to have recovered all its old springiness; her defeat was as if +it had not been. She was very optimistic about her career and again +spoke of Morgan one day writing the play of her life. That would be, +of course, after they had travelled in Egypt and the East. He was +sufficiently taken off his guard by her demeanour to begin to think it +was impossible she should not have<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 181]</span> some mysterious financial resource +to fall back upon for the morrow.</p> + +<p>"We shall not want to be very long at the theatre," were her last +words to him that night. "Let us try and get there by ten. I shall pay +the salaries at twelve o'clock and we can leave the house soon after."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 182]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III.IX" id="CHAPTER_III.IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + + +<p>Morgan's attitude in the morning was one of interested expectancy. +Cleo was as full of vitality as ever. Perhaps it was that, as she +entered the theatre, the sight of her trunk, waiting in the corridor +for redemption, stimulated her masterfulness afresh, for she found +pretext for asserting her authority over everybody on the premises. Up +to the last moment she revelled in the enjoyment of all the powers and +privileges that one acquires over other human beings by engaging to +pay them a wage.</p> + +<p>As the time went by and Morgan saw no sign of the appearance of the +requisite cash, he ventured at last to broach the subject to her, and +she replied firmly and clearly:</p> + +<p>"At twelve o'clock the salaries shall be paid."</p> + +<p>But at the time specified, Cleo, who was sitting with him in her +private room, hid her face in her hands and began to sob hysterically. +Then he was able to elicit the truth. She had passed the last +afternoon interviewing moneylenders, but they had all laughed in her +face—which had simply called forth her contempt for them. As a matter +of fact, she had been expecting a miracle to happen!</p> + +<p>A conviction had come to her that, when the moment for making payment +arrived, she would have the necessary money. How or whence it was to +come she had not<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 183]</span> considered; her belief was simply a blind one. Though +she had not found it waiting for her on her arrival at the theatre, +her faith that the powers that worked the universe could not possibly +allow her to undergo the great humiliation of being a defaulter +towards those she had employed, was still unshaken. In her the sense +of the Ego was so great that, if rightly interpreted, her feeling +about the world would have been found to be that it was created +specially for her and carefully shaped and subordinated to suit the +needs of her existence. She could not understand her being so utterly +beaten as she really was. Her half-crazy, superstitious notion could +only have been combatted by its non-realisation. At her hesitating +confession that she had been expecting the money to come somehow, +Morgan had at once grasped the whole working of her mind, for he +understood now what manner of woman it was that he had made his wife.</p> + +<p>He knew that the company and employés were assembled, expecting to be +called momentarily.</p> + +<p>"Cleo," he said, "I have had the offer of enough money to pay all that +is owing. You must decide whether I am to avail myself of it. If you +say 'yes,' it shall be here within an hour."</p> + +<p>But she scarcely heeded, for in that moment she rose as if following +up some train of thought, and pulled out every drawer of the bureau, +looking carefully into each as though in search of something. When at +last the perception was forced on her that the miracle had still not +happened, she sat down again with a sigh.</p> + +<p>He repeated his statement and she wanted to know from whom the offer +came.</p> + +<p>"A friend," he answered.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 184]</span>"It is some woman who loves you," she flashed at him.</p> + +<p>He could not repress a start.</p> + +<p>"It is! It is!" she exclaimed excitedly, her eyes ablaze. "Do not +attempt to deny it; I can read it in your face. Ah, I understand now; +it is the same friend who helped you before. And you led me to believe +it was a man."</p> + +<p>"I made no mention of the sex."</p> + +<p>"But you knew I was deceived all the same. How dared you conceal from +me that you had had the money from a woman you had loved? Did I not +return Mr. Ingram all he had given me, because I felt it would be a +desecration to use a penny of it? And I thought you were fine, Morgan, +I thought you were fine."</p> + +<p>Scorn rang in her tones, but he did not answer, because he wished to +avoid a scene. It were better, he thought, to let the storm exhaust +itself. The unassuming introduction of the "woman you had loved," in +place of the reverse, did not, however, escape him.</p> + +<p>"Had I suspected the truth," she went on, admirably dramatic now that +she was not on the stage, "I should rather have taken some deadly +poison than have touched this filthy money of hers. Did you take me +for some vile creature? I shall pay back every farthing. Oh, to throw +it all in her face! No, no! this is my affair. How dare you suggest +that I, your wife, should accept more of her money! As if I could fall +so low! These debts are mine. You are not to interfere."</p> + +<p>He could only bow to her will. In the first moment of disillusion he +had not been without a certain apprehension that she might wish to +take advantage of the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 185]</span> fact that he belonged to a wealthy family. But +he saw now the thought had done her an injustice. Creature of rich, +luscious sentiment, of gorgeous emotions, she scorned to be untrue to +the equatorial magnificence of her nature. Nor had she yet finished +expressing her resentment. All the untamable tiger in her had been +roused, all the fiery, indomitable pride that was as essentially a +part of her as her fixed conception of her genius. She was not to be +browbeaten by adverse fortune into whining and accepting charity from +her husband's mistresses—she had slipped into using the plural now. +She turned at bay against the whole situation. Let these people go +unpaid for the present—she would pay them when she could. She wanted +to go out at once and make a speech to them, but Morgan, fearful of +some great uproar, managed to prevail on her to let him make the +announcement that money engagements could not be kept.</p> + +<p>Very much to his astonishment, everybody took the news quietly enough. +"Is there no chance of getting anything?" he was asked, and sad indeed +were all faces when he assured them every penny had been lost, and +that, though his wife had been confident of raising some more +money—he mentioned this possibly with the idea of softening the +bitterness against Cleo—her hope had been quite disappointed. Morgan +himself almost trembled with emotion, for he knew how eagerly some of +them had sought the engagement. Three weeks of rehearsal and a week of +acting under most trying and disheartening circumstances, and then to +receive nothing! And all that time they had submitted to be bullied +and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 186]</span> blustered at. If the whole affair had not been so piteous it would +have seemed grotesque.</p> + +<p>The stage manager, arriving just then, was less tractable, and Morgan +feared his vehemence would excite the others.</p> + +<p>"And she had the——impudence to chuck me out of her——theatre," he +screamed; "and now I can't get a——penny out of her!"</p> + +<p>He announced his intention of breaking her head forthwith, and +threatened "to do for" Morgan, who barred his way.</p> + +<p>Cleo left the theatre a little later, followed by abuse from the stage +manager, who was forcibly held back by some of the company. She looked +longingly at the trunk in the hall, but had apparently resigned +herself to the loss of her costumes, for she passed by in silence.</p> + +<p>In the afternoon, Morgan was astonished at being served at their rooms +with a writ, which concerned both him and Cleo, and which had been +taken out on behalf of one of the creditors. Though Cleo had run the +theatre on her own responsibility only, it had been thought possible +that he might possess resources, with the result that he had been made +co-defendant.</p> + +<p>Cleo seized the paper and calmly tore it up.</p> + +<p>Then followed a long consultation, Cleo manifesting some signs of +depression at the sum total of the results of her efforts, beside +which her unshaken belief in the future contrasted curiously. +Everything had been against her. She had had a bad company and a +stupid first-night audience, and had from the first been crippled by +want of money. She recapitulated all her disadvantages, dwelling on +each and making the most of it. But<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 187]</span> this was only by way of beginning +a long wail of lament. The undisguised coldness of his demeanour +towards her ever since the night of her début had wounded her deeply, +though she had been too proud to say anything. Her indictment against +him was bitter and severe. The discontinuance of his slavish +admiration for her and of his blind belief in her genius was in her +eyes an unpardonable sin. As soon as the public had turned against +her, she averred, he sheep-like, had followed their example. And he +was the one human being in the whole world whom she had trusted and +believed in, the one she would have looked to for sympathy and +comfort. She had shown her trust in him by marrying him—a privilege +she would not lightly have accorded to another—and he should have +stood by her in her misfortunes. Why, so-and-so had told her her +acting had never been surpassed on the English stage; and he had seen +every piece played in London during the last thirty years. She +repeated the flattery and fawning that had been bestowed upon her by +the men who had been fluttering around her, accepting all as the +natural outpour of their sincerity; she quoted with unction the lying +notices she had shown him the day before.</p> + +<p>Morgan knew better than to expect her to have one thought of sympathy +for him, to utter one word of sorrow for the plight into which her +stage-madness had brought him. She seemed to think that his dominating +sentiment should be, throughout all and despite all, one of gratitude +to her for having married him. In proof of which she now mentioned +that she had won the admiration of millionaires, of foreign counts by +the score, of Indian princes and Eastern potentates, all of whom had<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 188]</span> +written her letters of sympathy at her shameful treatment by the +public, had declared their love for her, and had offered to place +their whole fortunes at her disposal. She had indignantly destroyed +these letters without showing them to him, and would not have thought +of claiming any credit for this had he not forced her to do so by his +brutality towards her. The Indian prince, in particular, had proved +persistent, and even now it was open to her to become mistress of a +gorgeous palace and a regiment of servants.</p> + +<p>By way of contrasting the fineness of her own conduct with the +coarseness of his, she did her best to exasperate him about Helen, +applying terrible epithets to her and vowing, in a burst of tiger-like +tragedy, she would destroy the beauty of this woman he had loved with +vitriol, should their paths ever cross. In addition to Helen, there +were general allusions to his mistresses, for Cleo, having begun by +converting singular into plural, now retained both singular and +plural. Lastly, quieting down somewhat amid a flood of tears, she +claimed that Ingram would not have acted in so dastardly a +fashion—he, at least, had always valued her at her true worth. It was +his misfortune, not his fault, that his money affairs had not turned +out well and that he had been unable to build for her the promised +theatre. It was his very sense of the dignity of her genius that made +him object to giving her a less impressive début. Ingram, too, had had +no thought but for her, and he had been undoubtedly heartbroken at her +leaving him.</p> + +<p>And when, in the end, he prevailed upon her to say what she purposed +doing, she informed him that to mark her sense of the degradation that +would be involved in<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 189]</span> the acceptance of the aid offered by her rival, +she had preferred to borrow five pounds of her maid, who was at least +an old and faithful servant—she had taken her with her from +Hampstead—and who stood by her loyally. Out of these five pounds she +intended to pay the landlady's bill for the week, and the balance +would bring them within the shelter of her parents' home.</p> + +<p>Whatever feeling of humiliation Morgan might have had at the +confession of this loan was all but lost in his surprise at her sudden +mention of parents. He had never thought of her at all in relation to +parents or in relation to other human beings whose blood flowed in her +veins. She had pre-eminently struck him as a figure to be taken as +"detached"; his feeling about her, though he had never precisely +formulated it, was that she had not come into existence as other +people, but that, in her case, there had been a special act of +creation. Her parents had got impasted into the vagueness of that +background, out of which she had come floating into his life.</p> + +<p>The position, however, was a difficult one for him. He could scarcely +chide her for borrowing, grotesque as the borrowing was. The maid, he +learnt, was leaving her that same afternoon and was to be married +soon. What helped him to decide was the great curiosity that had come +upon him to make the acquaintance of the people who had given her to +the world. Something of his old attitude came back to him. The desire +to see what strange thing was to follow next stirred in him again. But +this time a greater bitterness was mixed with it, a better grip on the +wholeness of life, an active consciousness that, though he might now +derive a grim<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 190]</span> sort of enjoyment from watching the unfolding of +circumstance, the experience would be nevertheless real, would +represent so much of his personal life. No longer would it be a mere +desperate submission to idle drifting amid the scenes of a dreamland; +though the same temperament as before was at the back of his decision. +Of course, his general determination to face the full responsibility +of his relation to Cleo likewise counted for a good deal in his +assenting to accompany her on this visit she purposed to her parents.</p> + +<p>He questioned her about her family, and she told him that her father +was a printer at Dover; that her mother was simply her mother; that +she had a brother and two sisters, all unmarried, all living at home. +She was barely eighteen when she had left Dover, but she had ceased +communicating with her family as soon as she had made Ingram's +acquaintance. However, in anticipation of a great success, she had +written to them again a few weeks back, informing them of her marriage +and of the theatre of her own which she was to have immediately. Her +father, in reply, had written her a cordial letter, and had, in fact, +suggested she should bring her husband to see them if she should ever +find a suitable opportunity. They would therefore be likely to meet +with a warm welcome, and they could stay at Dover till her plans were +mature, which would be very shortly. What these plans were likely to +be he could not elicit, though he gathered some vague millionaire was +connected with them, and that they would enable her to clear off all +the debts almost immediately. But since, at the moment, they were +entirely without resources, it would be useless, she pointed out, for +them to take any notice of the writ that<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 191]</span> had been served. Creditors +would obviously be putting themselves to vain expense in suing them +now, and it was therefore best for them to go for a little while where +at least they would be free from being worried.</p> + +<p>During the evening Morgan managed to find an opportunity of writing to +Helen a brief account of the day, saying he would look for her answer +at the Dover post-office.</p> + +<p>And he and Cleo left London by an early train in the morning.</p> + + +<div class="center"><strong>END OF BOOK III.</strong></div> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 192]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 193]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BOOK_IV" id="BOOK_IV"></a>BOOK IV.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 194]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 25%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 195]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV.I" id="CHAPTER_IV.I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + + +<p>The son and daughters of the Kettering family were out taking the air, +as the Sunday morning was a fine one, and Morgan sat talking with his +father-in-law in a front room, that was depressing with horse-hair +upholstery and wax fruit under glass shades and a series of prints +representing certain emotional moments in the life of a young +blue-jacket. Cleo was in some distant region of the house with her +mother, who had beamed on Morgan with a most unaccountable +friendliness.</p> + +<p>Mr. Simon Kettering himself was a mild-featured little man, whose +Sunday broad-cloth was but a thin disguise of the fact that all the +week he worked amid his journeymen in apron and shirt-sleeves. He wore +spectacles with light steel frames that seemed to cut deep into his +flesh; his hair was fast greying and his face was much lined, which, +however, interfered little with the benevolence of his expression. His +hands were large and coarse-grained and of a tint that no longer +yields to ablutions.</p> + +<p>On their arrival, about a quarter of an hour previously, Cleo had left +Morgan in the hall and had gone up to see her parents, returning for +him some five minutes later and introducing him to them in the room in +which he now sat. As he was not present at the actual meeting of Cleo +and the old people, he now asked Mr. Kettering if the sudden +appearance of his daughter after all these years hadn't startled him.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 196]</span>"Me!" exclaimed his father-in-law. "Why, not a bit! When she was only +that big, I soon found out it wasn't any use taking notice of her +goings and comings. The missus has been worrying about her a good +deal. But I always said to her: 'Selina's a girl who can take care of +herself, and sure enough she'll turn up all right one of these fine +days.' It was very wrong of her, though, not to let us have a line +from her for nigh on six years. But I fancy she was always a bit +ashamed of us. Her notions were always so grand, and plain, +hard-working people weren't good enough for her. I'm very sorry indeed +that things have turned out so disastrously. My Selina, to tell the +truth, is a queer creature, sir, and, if I may take the liberty of +saying so, I think you were a fool to marry her."</p> + +<p>Cleo, at her first interview with her parents, had made a clean breast +of the fact that her theatre had been a failure and that they had lost +all their money, though she did not omit to mention she was conducting +negotiations which would soon put them on their feet again. Morgan +smiled at Mr. Kettering's bluntness, and he somehow divined that there +was a shrewd pair of eyes behind those spectacles that took in far +more than they appeared to do.</p> + +<p>"I'm hanged if <i>I'd</i> ever have married her," pursued the +master-printer, "and that's telling you the plain truth, sir. You see +what she has done for you already. Why did you give her all that +money? You should have let her go on acting and drawing a regular +salary, instead of risking all that capital in that monstrously +foolish way. You'll excuse my freedom, I know, sir."</p> + +<p>From which Morgan deduced that Cleo's version of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 197]</span> the whole affair had +not been entirely coloured by truth. From the way Mr. Kettering +dropped his voice and looked reverential as he mentioned "all that +money," it was quite clear Cleo's imagination had magnified the loss +to accord with her sense of the fitness of things. A great loss of +money was the next glorious thing to a great success.</p> + +<p>Mr. Kettering proceeded to lay it down as a general maxim that there +was nothing in life like drawing a regular salary. Ever since he had +been a master-printer on his own account, he had been regretting the +fact. A workman knew exactly how much he had to spend and how to spend +it. But in these days when competition was so severe and trade so +uncertain, the master had much to be thankful for if he could pay his +way at all. Not that he himself was not perfectly able to earn a +living at all times, he added in some haste, as if to reassure his +son-in-law; and certainly his daughter and her husband were quite +welcome to be his guests as long as they chose to stay under his roof.</p> + +<p>Morgan felt drawn towards the old man, though he perceived that Simon +Kettering's soul could not take wing out of the atmosphere of his +workshop, and that whosoever wished to commune with him must descend +into it. But it was from this very atmosphere that Cleo had +emerged—Cleo, with her vitriolic notions and her pretentious scents! +This, then, was that mystic past against which her figure had stood +out!</p> + +<p>Cleo and her mother returned a few minutes later, interrupting Mr. +Kettering's account of the many vexations that preyed on him—his +troubles with his men, the heavy expense of constantly renewing the +composition on<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 198]</span> his machine rollers, the idleness and wantonness of the +apprentice, the perpetual ordering of "sorts" from the type-founder, +the inconsiderateness of customers who kept his type locked up, and +the carelessness of everybody but himself in the handling of his +material.</p> + +<p>"We've been getting along capitally, Mr. Druce and I," he broke off to +explain to the two women. "It's well on towards dinner-time, and the +children ought to be coming in soon."</p> + +<p>Cleo seemed relieved to find that Morgan hadn't been bored. Her +mother, in whose strange, deep-cut features was suggested something of +the spirit of Cleo's face, was a brisk-looking, homely matron of +fifty.</p> + +<p>"So Cleo is really married!" she repeated for the tenth time, her face +aglow with satisfaction. And her eyes rested wonderingly on Morgan +till he almost fancied he could hear her mental exclamation: "A real +live husband!"</p> + +<p>Soon the other members of the family arrived, Mary and Alice and their +brother Mark, a young man of thirty, who looked hard-working and +reticent, and had large moustachios. They stopped almost on the +threshold as they perceived there were strangers in the parlour, then +they recognised their long-lost sister; but, embarrassed by the +presence of the strange gentleman, as well as by the startling fact of +her presence, they stood hesitant and rather shame-faced. Cleo smiled +at them encouragingly, whereupon her sisters came tripping over and +smothered her with kisses. Their expressions of love were so loud and +so flowery that Morgan began to recognise the family blood. When, a +moment later, he was introduced to them as Cleo's husband, their faces +became of a fiery red,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 199]</span> as though there were something discreditable in +the fact of matrimony, and they exhibited a stiff shyness that was +almost stupid. The introduction completed, they stood looking at him, +giggling and giggling. But Mark now came forward with outstretched +hand, saying quietly: "I am glad to know you, sir."</p> + +<p>"Let us go in to dinner, children," said Mr. Kettering.</p> + +<p>They dined in the back room on the same floor, for the ground floor +and the basement were devoted to the trade. It was a long, narrow +room, lighted by one window at the end, and almost filled by the +table. Morgan found himself between Alice and Mark, whilst Mary sat +opposite him. Both the girls were young, Mary about twenty, whilst +Alice did not seem more than seventeen. In appearance they struck him +as inferior imitations of their sister. They were much shorter and far +less well-proportioned than Cleo, their red hair was coarser than +hers, and their features were duller. Their voices, too, were +reminiscent of hers. Altogether, though it was abundantly evident that +they were Cleo's sisters, they were perfectly unarrestive. Nature had +made a success of Cleo, but had egregiously failed to repeat the +performance.</p> + +<p>The one servant of the house waited at table, prim, sedate, formal. A +corresponding air of restraint seemed to prevail during the whole +meal. It was not till afterwards that he realised that they were +somewhat in awe of him as being obviously a "fine gentleman," and that +they were feeling they had to live up to him. Cleo showed no +inclination to speak, and the other women would not venture to begin. +Mr. Kettering, on whom lay the onus of entertaining, at length strove +to face his<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 200]</span> responsibilities, and, addressing himself to Morgan, +discussed the comparative fineness of the weather at London and Dover. +Morgan, in return, asked questions about the town and the harbour and +the boats, managing to keep up some sort of a conversation with him. +Eventually the situation began to depress him, so terribly stiff were +they all in their attempt to be genteel. Besides, his appetite was of +the poorest, though he was somewhat astonished to find the fare so +plentiful. Mrs. Kettering kept pressing him to eat more and more, and +apparently found it hard to understand that his refusals were final. +"Are you sure?" she asked him each time; and once she plucked up +courage to assure him he must not stand on ceremony with them, and +that he need not hesitate to eat his fill. Morgan thought it +extraordinary she should so persistently refuse to believe in the +sincerity of his small consumption of food, but, attributing her +solicitude to sheer good-nature, he was sorry to cause her such +evident dissatisfaction.</p> + +<p>He was glad when the meal was over, for he was beginning to feel +stifled. The family did not disperse, coffee now being served, of so +curious a flavour that Morgan could not get further than the first +sip.</p> + +<p>"Don't you like coffee, sir?" asked Mrs. Kettering.</p> + +<p>He began to feel a little bit persecuted. He did not hesitate to reply +in the negative, since the question was put from Mrs. Kettering's +point of view and the answer had only to apply to her conception of +the beverage.</p> + +<p>At length Cleo said she was going to take him for a stroll, and he +willingly fell in with the idea. But they did not go far, taking +possession of a seat as soon as they arrived on the sea-front. They +seemed to have nothing<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 201]</span> to say to each other. Cleo appeared lost in +thought, and he, after gazing idly at the few promenaders and the +children playing on the shingle and at the white cliffs of France +gleaming across the straits, relapsed into a half reverie. He had +somewhat of a sense of physical relief at being able to breathe here +at his ease; of temporary respite and security from being hunted by +creditors. But he was intensely miserable all the same, the one +immediate gleam of light being the hope of a letter from Helen.</p> + +<p>As yet the Kettering family was a new experience to him, and though +the stiff gentility and aggressive hospitality so far exhibited had +made him somewhat uncomfortable, his judgment of these people was +favourable enough. Still, he was possessed of the idea that he was not +going to stay in that house more than a few days. Not that he had the +least conception of what else he was going to do, but events had been +following each other in such quick succession that he could not +believe in a cessation of them. The last two days, in particular, had +seemed very crowded. Yesterday all those dramatic events in the +theatre—though not on its stage; to-day their departure from London +and their incursion into the reality of that poetic nebulousness from +which Cleo had originally emerged.</p> + +<p>He was glad that Kettering had not addressed to him any personal +questions, for he wished to tell neither truth nor falsehood about +himself. The anticipation of the topic arising was not an agreeable +one, and it was likewise unpleasant to dwell upon the possibility of +embarrassment arising from Cleo's habit of embellishment. He wondered +what her schemes were, though he could<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 202]</span> not take them seriously. And +this train of thought ultimately brought back to him the fear that +perhaps after all pressure might be brought to bear on him to make him +avail himself of his father's purse. The thought of his father gave +him now—as it had given him throughout all this time of trial—an +uncontrollable emotion, but he would not let his mind speculate about +the grief and attitude of his family, forcibly interposing a veil +between himself and them. Tired out at length, he let his reverie +merge into mere uncritical perception. He was conscious of afternoon +sunshine, of a great stretch of sky, with a continent of white cloud +containing big blue lakes; his eye took in the expanse of sea, +glistening, streaked, patched, lined, and shaded, with the pier in his +centre of vision, a mass of kiosks, pole-lamps, and conventional +iron-work. And in the foreground parasols dotted here and there made +spots of black, brown, green, and red against the yellowish shingle.</p> + +<p>Commonplace as the scene was, he found it restful to dwell upon in a +lazy fashion. He forgot for a while that Cleo was by his side, and +when he awoke again to the consciousness of her presence he found she +had been engaged in reading again the two favourable notices of her +performance, which she had carefully carried about with her.</p> + +<p>Soon Alice and Mary appeared, and all four went home together. Tea was +laid in the same room, the table being set out as for a heavy meal.</p> + +<p>"Did you enjoy your walk, sir?" asked Mr. Kettering, while the trim +servant, waiting at table with the same solemn gravity as before, put +before him a huge cup of very strong tea, of which no milk or sugar +could alleviate<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 203]</span> the astringency. He now found he was expected to eat +large quantities of boiled fish, plum-cake and sweets; and Mrs. +Kettering, perceiving that he didn't do justice to the fare, +enumerated to him other things that were in the larder, with the +suggestion that he might perhaps prefer a choice of them. Some of the +stiffness that had characterised the former meal had vanished—Morgan +could see now that had been due to shyness at his presence—and, +though Mark still showed little willingness to converse, the girls +were evidently beginning to find themselves again, occasional +gigglings heralding their return to normality. But the concentration +of the united attention of the family for Morgan's benefit was +somewhat disconcerting. The girls vied with each other in pressing +plum-cake upon him, and seemed to view his refusal as a personal +rebuff. He did not understand just then that each considered a bit of +her own niceness went into the cake when held towards him with her own +hand, and that it was this niceness he was rejecting. As for the cake, +they took it for granted that there could be no difficulty about +disposing of that. Before the end, Morgan got the sensation of having +the food rammed down his throat with a pole.</p> + +<p>They tried to flirt with him, too, but here again he unconsciously +annoyed them by his unresponsiveness. In fact, being entirely +unacquainted with the game as they were in the habit of playing it, he +set down the strange attempts of Cleo's sisters to provoke him to +banter as rather silly. He did not know that they had thrown off their +first unquestioning acceptance of his impressiveness and were now +subjecting him to sharp criticism. They had their own notion—and a +very definite one it was—of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 204]</span> what a perfect gentleman should be, and +they were not disposed lightly to accept a substitute. What, however, +struck him particularly was their unbounded affection for their father +and mother, for Cleo and Mark, and last, though not least, for each +other.</p> + +<p>During the evening Mary grew so bold as to offer to show him the +harbour by night, and he welcomed the suggestion as likely to afford +him a little quiet distraction. He had sat amid the family for several +hours, and it had not occurred to anybody he might like to be just +alone. The day had seemed interminable, and as they had been behaving +more freely among themselves, once the restraint had worn off, he had +begun to get a somewhat revised perception of them. Their peculiar +atmosphere was beginning to enter into his being, and his vision of +them, therefore, to lose its first impersonality.</p> + +<p>Though the sky was clear, there was no moon that evening, which +elicited the remark from Mary that it was a pity. Morgan presumed that +moonlight made the harbour look much more poetic, whereupon Mary +admitted that she wasn't thinking of the harbour, but of the fact that +it made walking with a girl much more poetic. She wanted him to say +that walking with her was so heavenly, absence of moonlight +notwithstanding, that he couldn't possibly imagine any improvement. +But he didn't say it. He only just gave the faintest indication of a +laugh.</p> + +<p>When he happened to admire the far-stretching, soft shadow of the sea, +with its gentle, irregular line of white where it met the shore, she +asked him if he wouldn't like to be rowing just then with a girl on a +lovely lake. She<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 205]</span> wanted him to say—yes, if the girl were she. But he +did not say it, and he had no idea that she was getting angry.</p> + +<p>They walked on a little in silence, passing a girl talking to a man +under the full light of a lamp. Mary remarked that the girl was +exquisitely pretty. She wanted him to say that she herself was a +thousandfold prettier. But he did not say it; and she led him off the +front rather sulkily, taking him over a drawbridge and on to the quay +that bisected the harbour. They strolled about amid the piles of +timber and along more quays and drawbridges, now and again +encountering other promenaders in the soft darkness. For awhile Morgan +found the stillness delicious, almost forgetting the existence of his +companion. But very soon she recommenced her tactics, making +statements that credited him—by implication—with flirtations galore, +and hinting at vast experience on her own part and lovers by the +score. Certainly she laid pitfalls by the score, but she was so +invariably unsuccessful that she could not help at last giving +expression to her vexation.</p> + +<p>"You're the first man I've ever known," she said frankly, "who didn't +think me beautiful."</p> + +<p>He recognised he had got a whiff of his Cleo there, but, just as he +was about to deliver the polite reply to which she had forced him, +they happened to turn round the side of a great wood-stack and, at the +same moment, an impressive chorus of voices floated softly across the +night. They were now on a quay that ran across the harbour, parallel +with the cliffs that rose at the back of it. To right and left were +the massed silhouettes of shipping and small craft, of odd +superannuated sailing vessels and huge-funnelled steamers, and in the +interven<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 206]</span>ing waters were moored half a dozen Russian gun-boats. On the +largest of these a sailors' service was being held. They could hear +the priest's sweet voice raised in exhortation, and then again rose +the sailors' chant.</p> + +<p>Morgan listened enraptured. The velvety surface of the water, +traversed here and there by glistering bars, the subdued stars above, +the profound silence of the night, the strange whiteness of the cliff +beyond, rising in marked contrast to the dark line of dwellings at its +foot, save where the patches of green on its face showed as grey +stains in the darkness, the looming hulls and intertangled masts and +rigging, the mystic scattered lights of the harbour—the enchantment +of all entered into his spirit, attuned to this beautiful singing of +the vespers.</p> + +<p>And then, of a sudden, a bugle-call rang out, clear and far-reaching, +from the great barracks of the Western heights; instinct in its rhythm +with discipline, valour, and martial fire; thrilling into the spaces +of the night in strange contrast to the spirit of peace that breathed +in the sweet concord of the sailors' chanting of evening hymns.</p> + +<p>"What a funny lingo!" said Alice, as the chaplain's voice was again +heard in prayer. Her laugh rang out, loud and scornful, insulting the +solemnity and beauty of the scene. Morgan instinctively began to move +on, pained to think that these sojourners in English waters might deem +they were being scoffed at.</p> + +<p>"It wasn't at them I was laughing," she explained, as if aware she had +offended him. "Something came into my mind that happened just at that +spot. It's so funny that I can't help laughing every time I think of +it. If you're very, very good, perhaps I may tell you."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 207]</span>She looked up at him, wagging her head about to indicate her last +sentence had been intended playfully. Morgan expressed a desire to +hear it, in a sort of indifferent murmur.</p> + +<p>"Well, there was a fellow I let dance with me three or four times, and +I went for a walk with him twice or so. Then he began to get a bit +cheeky, and so I thought I'd put him in his place. I wouldn't take any +notice of him for a long time, and when we passed him in the street I +pretended not to know him. At last one day he comes up to me and he +says: 'Mary, I can't stand it any longer. If you won't speak to me +again I'll go and drown myself.' And then he begged so hard that at +last I promised to go for a walk with him in the evening. Well, I kept +my promise, and we strolled along here. And just at that very spot we +stood still to look at the harbour. 'John,' said I, 'there's the +water; now drown yourself.'"</p> + +<p>Again she laughed immoderately at the recollection of this brilliant +<i>jeu d'esprit</i> and her admirer's discomfiture.</p> + +<p>But the <i>jeu d'esprit</i> kept echoing oddly through Morgan's brain.</p> + +<p>"There's the water. Now drown yourself!"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 208]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV.II" id="CHAPTER_IV.II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + + +<p>Morgan found the Monday infinitely easier to get through. For the +members of the family were absorbed in the duties of life, so that he +was left much to himself. Alice and Mary kept the accounts and served +behind the counter in the stationery shop. In a workshop at the back +Simon Kettering, Mark, four journeymen and one apprentice stood "at +case," whilst in the basement two antiquated printing machines rumbled +on, worked by a small gas-engine. There was also a Columbian press for +pulling posters and a platen machine for small work. Mr. Kettering +devoted a few odd minutes to showing Morgan over the establishment. As +he observed, it was not a magnificent concern; but he had it all under +his eye and by hard work made it yield him a living. Still, times were +hard and—and Mr. Kettering, having once begun to enlarge on the +subject of his disadvantages, proceeded to pour forth all the +accumulated vexations of his spirit.</p> + +<p>Cleo remained in the parlour during the morning writing letters, but +she did not offer to enlighten Morgan as to their nature. He was +rather glad of this incommunicativeness of hers, for he felt in too +restless a mood to talk to her. Impatiently as he was awaiting Helen's +letter, he would not inquire at the post-office till the evening. He +could not bear the idea of coming away empty-handed.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 209]</span>Meanwhile he amused himself rummaging leisurely amid the contents of +an old mahogany book-case. He found rather a medley of worn +school-books—old-fashioned geographies and histories and foreign +conversation grammars; of mouldy novels, many in French and Italian; +of illustrated lives of actresses, prime donne, and celebrated +courtezans. Most of the novels and non-scholastic books were of a +shoddy, sensational type. Here, then, he had evidently stumbled across +the source of Cleo's early mental nourishment; this was the literature +with which her nature had found affinity. In nearly every book he took +down he came across passages underlined, with occasionally a note in +the margin in her own handwriting. The rich manner and false, pompous +sublimity of these passages brought a smile to his lips, though making +his heart contract painfully. He called to mind the books he had seen +lying about on the occasion of his memorable visit to her in company +with Ingram, and he now had an intuition that the slumbering of her +fierce activity for so many years had been facilitated by a plentiful +provision of literature of the same kind. Her imagination had found +some compensating stimulation and satisfaction in the luscious scenes +amid which it had wandered.</p> + +<p>And suddenly he had a startled flash of memory anent a paper-covered +novel he was holding in his hands. The lithographed wrapper, with its +illuminated veiled figure and its seven mystic stars, he had seen +before; and he now recognised the book as an older copy of the very +one he had found her reading the first time he had ventured to call on +her by himself. It was the work of a lurid lady novelist, popular some +ten years before. He turned its<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 210]</span> pages with bitter interest. Passage +after passage was marked and underlined. And at length he lighted on +one that seemed to jump from the page and strike him in the face. It +was doubly underlined in red ink, as well as thickly marked down the +margin.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>"In me is reincarnated the spirit of the ancient East, and it +is my mission to interpret that spirit to the modern world."</i></p></div> +<p> </p> +<p>And lower down on the same page, indicated with the like emphasis:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><i>"By sitting in this temple each day and meditating herein I have +ministered to my sacred moods, and I have kept pure the essence +of the ages, which I am to revive for the modern world."</i></p></div> +<p> </p> +<p>Morgan remembered only too well by whom and on what occasion such +words had been addressed to him. He put back the volume and shut the +book-case.</p> + +<p>At the one o'clock dinner they all came together again. There was the +same profuse solidity of fare as on the previous day, and the same +insistence that Morgan must do justice to it. The girls seemed in high +spirits, mysterious signs and words passing between them, accompanied +by much laughter, of which Morgan dimly suspected he was the cause.</p> + +<p>When the clerk at the post-office, looking through a little heap of +letters, picked out one and put it aside, Morgan could scarcely +restrain his emotion. He chafed at having to wait whilst the man +satisfied himself there were no others for him, and the quiet way he +took the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 211]</span> letter revealed little of his almost overmastering impulse to +snatch at it as a wild beast might snatch at meat. Blessed writing on +the envelope! Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he stepped again +into the street! And when at last he began to read, all that he had +suppressed surged up and almost choked him.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"My very dear friend," said Helen, "I want to write to you such a +great deal because I know how welcome a long letter will be, and +yet I fear that I cannot make this one very long for the simple +reason that I am feeling serious. Moods are like dresses. Some of +them do not suit me at all. Seriousness not only spoils me, it +makes me absolutely idiotic. Most people I know, however, prefer +me like that because then I express my agreement with their +opinions so very readily. But to be serious. I don't quite +understand what you are going to do at Dover. Still, I am glad +you've gone, for I'm dying to know what her sisters are like. By +the way, I mean to make the acquaintance of the Medhursts. I have +an idea I shan't find that a very difficult task. Then perhaps my +letters may be more agreeable reading for you, for of course we +shall continue corresponding unless you are back in town before +long. Morgan, don't lose faith! I told you I was a prophet—or +should it be <ins class="correction" title="Original reads 'phophetess'.">prophetess</ins>? When I looked you in the face last I +read therein that you were born to be happy.</p> + +<p>"In the meanwhile I don't want you to be uncomfortable. And I now +come to a point I hate to mention because I am afraid of you. You +fly at one so savagely. I don't think you ought to allow a +question of mere money to poison such sweet human relation as +ours.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 212]</span> Won't you look at it in the right spirit? I implore you, +do. I want you to believe that I understand and sympathise with +your feelings, but recollect now I am writing to you as your best +friend, without any admixture of anything else, and it is as my +best friend I want you to respond to me. Forget that I am only a +woman. Let my purse be yours. Take only a trifle if you will, but +still take it. It will make me happy, for I want to feel sure +that you are bearing up. Meanwhile I am in dreadful suspense to +hear from you.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 25em;">"Yours affectionately,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 30em;">"HELEN.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>"P. S. In the name of Heaven, write me quickly to tell me what +the sisters are like. I have bought a map of London in sections, +and I spend hours wandering with you in some of the strange +places. What funny shapes the Thames has in some of the sections, +and how nicely the pieces underneath it fit into it. Alas! the +days, the days that are no more! What a sob re-echoes from those +simple words!"</p></div> +<p> </p> + +<p>Blessed writing! In what an impasse were his life without it!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 213]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV.III" id="CHAPTER_IV.III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + + +<p>Though in his reply to Helen he promised to accept her money in case +of need, he could not prevail on himself to begin just then. His +instinct was against that course as strongly as ever, and he was +precisely like a proud, obstinate child that continues in its fixed +attitude long after being convinced. He gave her an account of the +Kettering family in as gay a note as he could strike from his leaden +mood, for he wished to allay her anxiety about him. He had read in her +letter far more than the mere words; her heart beat through every +line.</p> + +<p>There were still five shillings in his pocket—enough to pay the +postage on sixty letters, he grimly reflected. So far he had had no +occasion to spend money for anything else, and no beggar had crossed +his path to tempt from him the little he had. He needed nothing beyond +his food, and of that the Ketterings' hospitality provided a +sufficiency, though by the third day the over-profusion of plain +dishes was no longer maintained.</p> + +<p>Cleo seemed to be getting mysterious letters from town, and she gave +him to understand she would be able to put her new scheme before him +very soon now, but in the meantime he must be patient. The memory of +her defeat had already almost gone from her mind, as did all things +which were disagreeable to it and which, therefore, it could not +assimilate; and, if she conversed with him at all, it was only on the +subject of her genius, her<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 214]</span> imagination making, if possible, still more +gorgeous flights than in the first days he had known her.</p> + +<p>But this bluster about her genius only made him smile bitterly now, +for he knew but too well that the foundations of any scheme of hers +could not be laid in the good, solid earth. He could not guess the +nature of the negotiations she had apparently begun, though he had a +suspicion she was offering her genius to moneylenders as a security +for some gigantic advance. The thought made him feel some impatience. +She could not expect him, interested as he might be in her evolutions, +to stay here indefinitely, eating the bread of hard-working Simon +Kettering, even if that were not becoming daily unpleasanter. He was +already thinking that, in his next letter to Helen, he must tell her +to send him a little money, so that, even if he did not leave the +town, he could either live elsewhere or arrange to pay Kettering for +his board and lodging, thus giving Cleo a fair time in which to reveal +her hand. He would be as patient as possible with her, so that she +should not have any real ground for the least reproach to him.</p> + +<p>By the fourth day a fuller comprehension of the family had come to +Morgan, and a growing unhappiness at living with it. His perception of +the Ketterings, at first of the same nature as a traveller's +perception of people among whom he is sojourning for the first time, +had ceased to be art. Their spirit had begun to act on his, and he now +not only saw them as a full reality, but he likewise felt them as a +full reality. His first impression of them had merged gradually into +his present one, though there had been well-marked stages on the +route.</p> + +<p>At the beginning, the Ketterings' interpretation of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 215]</span> hospitality had been indicated + by the quantity of food provided; the incessant pressing him to eat had been + a special attention to him, and his refusal had been taken first as mere ceremony—natural + on the part of a gentleman—and next as somewhat of a slight. And in proportion + as he became less of a novelty to them, so did they resume their normal mode + of life. By the time the fact of his being their guest had ceased to occupy + the centre of their consciousness breakfast had become reduced to coffee—of + the same curious flavour—and thick bread and butter, tea to the same astringent + beverage as before and thin bread and butter, the two other repasts of the day + being likewise administered with a due regard for economy. Mrs. Kettering, too, + no longer enumerated the contents of the larder in the hope of tempting him + with some delicacy that was not on the table. The trim servant girl who had + waited so staidly and respectfully at table had now developed into a perfect + slattern who had the habit of answering her mistress back, sometimes in a way + that almost amounted to bullying, and who seemed to have as much to say in the + concerns of the family as any one of its members. The kitchen, too, obtruded + and occupied the foreground of life.</p> + +<p>Morgan did not, on account of this change, which he knew did not +signify any falling off in hospitable feeling, and which, indeed, he +rather appreciated so far as the reduced fare was concerned, reverse +his judgment that he had fallen among kind-hearted folk. It had been a +strain on them to maintain an appearance of gentility, and their +recoil had been merely that of a stretched piece of elastic. He had +lost his importance as a special person, and was now only just one of +them. He under<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 216]</span>stood that the family was exactly what it had to be, +that its temperament and mode of life were perfectly attuned; yet, for +him, there were a thousand unseizable roughnesses that depressed his +spirit. Though the Ketterings and he spoke the same mother-tongue, +words bore different values for him, and full communion was +impossible.</p> + +<p>But his estimation of them was more of the nature of passive mental +apprehension than of active criticism. He himself, however, had been +criticised and he knew it, for Alice and Mary had at length made him +feel that he did not satisfy their conception of a gentleman. The +simplicity of his manners did not convince them. They seemed to hold +by some complicated code of etiquette for ladies and gentlemen—Heaven +knew how they had become possessed of it—of which he fell sadly +short. He did not understand in the least their shibboleth of +flirtation, their particular methods of banter, the precise shade of +significance of their facial expressions and movements, the exact +values of their phrases and catch-words; all of which was knowledge +that, according to their notion, was the common stock-in-trade of +breeding. Their atmosphere of coquetry did not appeal to him; and, as +a rule, he remained supremely ignorant of the fact that they <i>were</i> +coquetting with him. Thus it was they giggled and laughed and made fun +of him, having attained to a vast feeling of superiority over him, and +a not less vast pity for their poor, dear sister, who had married him!</p> + +<p>He could see that nature had made precisely the same failure with +their personalities as with their bodies. Each was a bundle of traits +that individually made "Cleo" echo through his brain, yet the total +effect lacked con<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 217]</span>vincingness. In Cleo all such characteristics were +fused into her general magnificence; in Mary and Alice they seemed to +exist at random, failing to give any sense of harmony, but only one of +irritation. The airs and graces they assumed did but emphasise their +crudity. It was, indeed, an illumining perception when it struck +Morgan that their absurd movements and struttings and the queen-like +way in which they tried to hold their heads bore a singular +resemblance to the stage-gestures of "The Basha's Favourite." At the +same time they possessed a large fund of animal spirits. They talked a +good deal about dancing and sitting with young men in hidden corners, +or going a-rowing with them; though when or where they did any of +these things he could not quite make out.</p> + +<p>Then again, the ostentatious love for the rest of the family and for +each other they had exhibited the first day turned out to be a +dependent variable that often approached vanishing-point. If the girls +showed a certain uncouth good-humour in their calm moments, they +certainly had violent tempers which they made no effort to restrain. +If Alice, attempting to pass along the narrow dining-room, caught her +dress on Mary's chair: "If anybody else were to sit like that——" she +would commence angrily, and then a nice quarrel would ensue. Quarrels, +indeed, seemed to be evolved from incredible beginnings, and the +evenings bristled with them. Mrs. Kettering was easily drawn into +these disagreements and took a leading part in no few of them. Simon +and Mark, however, would remain impassive, the first reading his paper +and uttering now and again a facetious, mild protest, the second +smoking his eternal pipe in unyielding<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 218]</span> taciturnity. Mrs. Kettering +likewise annoyed her daughters by constantly talking to Morgan in +their presence of the difficulty of finding husbands for them.</p> + +<p>One morning Cleo, who was down early, pounced upon a letter for him +and wanted to read it. But as he recognised his father's writing—the +envelope had had much redirection in varying scripts—and as her +letters were always sealed to him, he refused to open it in her +presence. He was not in the mood for a squabble with her. The fact +that his father had managed to pierce his inaccessibility had unnerved +him, the mere sight of the letter almost making him tremble. He put it +in his pocket; it was imperative he should be alone when reading it. +Cleo grew sulky and looked it. Alice and Mary, being in a particularly +affectionate mood that morning, came hovering round her, entwining her +waist with their long arms, pressing their faces gently against hers, +and kissing her with ostentatious sympathy. "What has the naughty man +been doing to our darling?" they asked in a sort of playful, mincing +lisp. "Has he made our dear, dear sister miserable? Naughty, naughty +man!"</p> + +<p>That made a beginning. As a continuation Mrs. Kettering took it into +her head once more to lament the scarcity of possible husbands for +Alice and Mary over the breakfast table. They retorted that no doubt +there were plenty of husbands to be picked up without a penny, who'd +be glad to come and stay at the house and idle about and eat their +fill. Evidently they had overheard talk between their parents, for it +had been represented to them that Cleo and her husband were only in +Dover on a friendly visit to the family.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 219]</span>Before the others had realised it Morgan had risen and left the house. +His every nerve was a-tingle with pain. He was finished with the +Ketterings, he told himself; it was impossible for him ever to set +foot in that house again.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 220]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV.IV" id="CHAPTER_IV.IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + + +<p>The sense that a final rupture had occurred between him and the +Ketterings was so strong in Morgan that for the moment he omitted to +consider the difficulties that might arise as regards Cleo. He saw now +that by becoming their guest under circumstances such as his he had +exposed himself to the possibility of insult from the first. But he +did not condemn them; he simply felt he could not live in contact with +them.</p> + +<p>He was too unstrung to read his father's letter yet, though, as he +thought of it again, the reflection occurred to him that old relations +were intruding into the new life that had begun with Cleo. First Helen +and then his father had overtaken him!</p> + +<p>He started to walk briskly through the town, which he soon cleared. +The movement helped to calm his excitement, though it did not diminish +his bitterness. All the morning he tramped through the country, +deriving some little comfort from the feeling that he was all alone. +He lunched on bread and cheese at a wayside inn, partaking of the +meal in an old room with rough tables and benches. Near him lay four +huge potatoes, newly broiled in their skins. Through the window he +looked out on to a yard where poultry strutted about amid straw, dung, +and rubbish, in the shadow of a hay-rick. Not till then had he the +heart to take the letter from his pocket. An examination of the +redirections proved interesting. It had been first sent to the address +where he had lived<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 221]</span> with Cleo, whence it had been redirected care of +Cleo's maid, who, in turn, had forwarded it to Dover. He understood +now how those first mysterious letters had come for Cleo so quickly, +though he did not quite see why she should have concealed from him +this arrangement with the maid.</p> + +<p>As he broke the envelope a labourer in corduroys came into the room, +and seemed taken aback at finding a gentleman there. He was the owner +of the broiled potatoes, but apologised for taking possession of them. +Morgan bade him sit down and have his meal, but the man, his face +shining with good-humour, insisted he must not disturb him, but would +go and stand at the bar. He took only two of the potatoes, his +good-nature impelling him to leave the other two for Morgan, with the +hearty, encouraging remark: "Pull into them, sir!"</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"My Dear Son:</p> + +<p>"I am writing this only with the faintest hope of its ever +reaching you. If by any chance it does, I beg of you to inform me +of your whereabouts at once. Your letter came upon us like a +bombshell. I do not wish to reproach you for the hurt we have +suffered. I only want you to believe now in my desire to stand by +you, however terrible the mistake you have made.</p> + +<p>"Of course, we put the worst interpretation on your silence about +the person you had made your wife. I hurried up to town at once, +but you had gone from your old rooms and left not a trace. I +learnt, however, that you had a sister who used to come to see +you sometimes. I suppose that is your wife. Naturally I assumed +you had acted towards me as you had because you thought I<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 222]</span> should +reproach you for having spoilt your life. How little you seem to +know me, Morgan! <i>That</i> is what I have to reproach you with. Why +was I so little in your confidence? Did you think me incapable of +sympathising with you because you are a young man and I an old? +How little you seem to know me, Morgan, I must repeat again.</p> + +<p>"I do not want to indulge in useless retrospect. I do not want to +exercise my imagination and yours in tracing out some more +desirable course of events that might have resulted from your +acting otherwise. But I cannot help giving expression to my deep +sorrow at the plight in which you now must be. I do not know how +the whole thing came about—what led to your acquaintance with +the lady who is now your wife; but I do wish that, instead of +writing me that curt letter, you had had sufficient belief in my +love and sympathy to come to me despite all. My pen is powerless +to express all that is in my heart. I can only just tell you that +this is the worst heart-ache I have had in my life.</p> + +<p>"If this reaches you, dear Morgan, don't be too proud to let me +hear from you at once. I am an old man now, remember, and this +suspense is killing. Especially as I have come so near to finding +you and have only just missed you by a day or two. On coming up +to town I at once called at Mr. Ingram's flat, and then I learnt +for the first time he had married a great society lady. The +commissionaire gave me his new address in Grosvenor Gardens, and +there I was fortunate enough to find him. He seemed astonished to +hear you had got married and disappeared. I asked him about your +quarrel with him, and then he told me what he knew—that you had +run<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 223]</span> through all the six thousand pounds, had been afraid to tell +me, and had behaved abominably rudely to him because he made to +you certain suggestions for your own benefit. He was sorry he +could not help me to find you. He seemed, indeed, quite +distressed about you and sympathised with me in my trouble.</p> + +<p>"My poor Morgan! How could a genius like you be bothered with +having to manage money? What is the use of a man like you having +a rich father if his riches are not for you to enjoy! If you had +only said a word! It was hopelessly foolish of me to imagine you +had suddenly developed the ability to husband your resources. But +you seemed so comfortable and cheerful when I last saw you that I +did not suspect anything. And then my attention was so +concentrated on my book that I scarcely had a thought for +anything else.</p> + +<p>"You must forgive me for having called a private detective to my +aid. What else could I do? The anxiety was terrible, and I hadn't +slept for nights. He was a long time about it, and he ought to +have done it sooner, for I gave him a very good photo of you to +work with. But he assumed you had gone further afield, and sought +to find you in the provinces. So your wife is an actress! The +detective assures me she stood naked on the stage before a whole +theatre full of people. That isn't true, I hope.</p> + +<p>"As I have already said, I was too late when I called at your +address, and the landlady said she couldn't forward letters, as +no new address had been left with her. But it struck me that +perhaps she had her reasons for making that statement, and so now +I write in the hope that my letter may be forwarded after all. If +it is, then<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 224]</span> write at once to your dear father, who, if you have +made a mistake, will help you to live it down. I implore you not +to keep away from me any longer.</p> + +<p>"Of course, I have seen the Medhursts several times. John and +Kate feel the blow quite as much as I do, though they have done +their best to console me. Margaret, too, poor girl, is very pale. +She shuts herself up in her studio and pretends to be working. +But I'm hanged if I can make out what she's at. There is just a +mass of blackfish wax, and, though I always find her shaping it +with her fingers, it always seems to look the same. The +composition of my book has progressed fairly well, but I am +looking forward to your helping me with it a tremendous lot."</p></div> +<p> </p> +<p>Though he was twenty-eight, Morgan felt he still had in him a child's +fresh spring of emotion, and he had no more than a child's strength to +struggle against it. He hurried from the inn, suppressing his sobs for +a moment with one grand effort.</p> + +<p>He walked back to the town and found an expected letter from Helen +awaiting him at the post-office. He had asked for ten pounds, and she +had sent him a bank-note. She had written him only just a few lines to +accompany it, but promised to make amends as regards length next time. +She said he had made her happy by giving her so practical a proof of +his belief in her friendship, and added she was very glad indeed he +was thinking of lodging elsewhere, instead of staying with that horrid +and amusing family. She hoped he would make up his mind on the point +very soon; and the sooner he had a terrific quarrel with his Cleo the +better. As soon<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 225]</span> as she should hear of it she would execute a +war-dance, adequately complicated for the occasion.</p> + +<p>How good to him were those he had fled from! How endless was the +morass into which he had floundered!</p> + +<p>And yet the very touch of the bank-note stung him. It represented the +fact of his degradation; it summed up the hopelessness of his +position. The sympathy poured upon him, welcome though it was, but +emphasised his sense of the pitiable failure of his existence. He +still burned under the terrible insult of the morning; he smarted from +the friction of living amid the petty, squabbling vulgarity of the +Kettering household. He remembered, too, he must come to some +understanding with Cleo; he must give her an opportunity of joining +him wherever he should be staying. And, of course, he must also write +to thank Mr. and Mrs. Kettering for their hospitality.</p> + +<p>The afternoon passed by. He dined modestly at a sort of coffee-house +at the back of the harbour and arranged for a bed-room there. Later in +the evening he found himself forced to go out again, for it suffocated +him to stay within four walls. And even as he walked at random, the +blackest fit of his life came upon him. He thought of those first +years of enthusiastic striving, and those following years of +half-hearted striving; he thought of the long stretches of time +dissipated in mental lounging, in lethargic inaction he had been +unable to combat, so paralysing had been his sense of the futility of +effort. Looking back now, his whole inner life seemed to have been a +long, increasing bitterness. But he did not pity himself; his attitude +was one of cruel self-criticism. If only he had been an isolated soul +he would not<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 226]</span> have felt so keenly. But the course of his life had +reacted on others and embittered their existence. It seemed as if he +could not take a step without wounding those who loved him. He was not +fit to breathe the same air with them, he told himself.</p> + +<p>Of Margaret he scarce dared think, so great was his sense of his +unworthiness; but the light of her face, as it swam up before him, +thrilled him with the consciousness that his love for her was abiding, +that this affair on which he had embarked was a grotesque nightmare in +which his true being had not been concerned at all, though it had +become irredeemably involved in it. Once or twice it had given him +pleasure to imagine that it was in Helen's power to do more than just +sympathise with him, but then he had never forgotten that was only a +wistful fancy. It brought the tears to his eyes to think of her +attempt to cheer him with her prophecy of happiness for him. Happiness +for him! Dream as vain as his Cleo's lust for glory!</p> + +<p>It was past ten o'clock, and the sea-front was already deserted. He +strolled eastward, following the roadway to where the houses ended, +when it swept round the foot of the cliff, on whose top rose the +ancient castle, and eventually degenerated into an ascending foot-path +protected by a wooden rail. He stayed awhile at the bend, gazing into +the immense darkness, in which, here and there, glimmered a light from +a passing vessel, and listening to the swish of the water lapping the +foot of the sea-wall. A fisherman preparing his bait hailed him +"Good-night!" from the glooms of a small, primitive jetty. He returned +the salute civilly, but, as he was not in the mood for human +intercourse, he sang out<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 227]</span> and wished the man a good haul and then moved +on. Up, up the incline he went, the rugged cliff-front towering above +him, clothed with great grey patches. The path narrowed as it wound +its way up the side and at length ran into the cliff, through which a +long gallery had been hewn. But the solid blackness that faced him at +its mouth did not give him pause. He felt his way along, stumbling up +the rough incline, and turned down another gallery which intersected +this one at right angles, and which led to the face of the cliff where +its opening, high above the water, was barred by a tall iron rail. +Here he stood and looked out to sea.</p> + +<p>The nocturne was beautiful in its largeness and silence. The sublimity +of the great spaces emphasised his own existence just then as petty, +crabbed, and sordid. The discords within him were so harsh that he +could not respond to the sweet mystery of the night, or to the music +that called from sea and sky, from the shadows and the spaces.</p> + +<p>Again that bitter sense of his whole life became concentred in one +moment. And then, as the sound of the soft-flowing tide came up to him +again, it seemed to bring with it words that echoed strangely through +his being. And his being seized upon them and gripped them. The voice +of Mary Kettering seemed to be commanding him, as if her hostile +spirit were hovering near, and he could hear her vulgar laugh +disgracing the solitudes.</p> + +<p>"There's the water. Now drown yourself!"</p> + +<p>The consciousness of his personal unimportance to the world was +accentuated against the free vastness on which he gazed. The mission +that alone had had power to stir<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 228]</span> his blood, of being a voice to the +spell of which all men should yield, had been decreed against. His +hope of winning the right to live amid and breathe an atmosphere in +harmony with his being, an atmosphere in which his individuality, as +he conceived it, should ripen and expand and yield all the fragrance +that was in it, was utterly dead.</p> + +<p>He could not detach his dead hope from his life; its rotting carcass +weighed it down and poisoned it. The love, too, that Margaret had +inspired in him but remained as an exquisite bitterness. And as for +those who loved him, better they should bear the blow at once than +that he should torture them constantly. Let them mourn for him now; +let them, in the years that were to come, sometimes feel his presence +with them and think of him as one who had had good in him, but whose +life had proved piteously futile. For them much pain now and an +occasional pang in the future; for him, the sweetness of unending +rest, for was there not sweetness in death?</p> + +<p>He looked again out to sea, striving to pierce the darkness that +floated over the world like a spirit, and divining the far-off line +where the sky touched the water.</p> + +<p>One last, glorious swim to reach it! And out there, in the +infinitudes, amid the silence and the loneness, with all the still +music of the universe lulling him to sleep, should his being gently +merge into the all-pervasive essence; there, in the large freedom of +the airs, under the full spread of Heaven's stars, and in the soft +embrace of the velvet waters, should he feel his blood beat to an end; +there, in the heart of those mysterious spaces, were fitting place for +a poet to die!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 229]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV.V" id="CHAPTER_IV.V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + + +<p>He turned to go back and descend to the shore below, but just then he +heard a strange whispering that reechoed through the passages. A flash +of light seemed to fly down the long gallery, driving the darkness +before it, and then a young man and a girl passed by, the former +holding a lighted match. He waited a moment, half-startled, +half-annoyed at their intrusion, then groped his way after them, +eventually stumbling out of the tunnel's mouth. And, as he descended +the incline again, he became aware of other couples standing about in +the shadows, within alcoves of the cliff, or seated on the grassy +slope just outside the wooden hand-rail. In his first abstraction he +had overlooked these.</p> + +<p>He could not begin his swim here with the consciousness of all these +human beings so near at hand. He wanted the complete sense of +isolation from his fellow-creatures, the feeling that he and the +infinite were alone face to face. An idea came to him. On the other +side of the town stretched some miles of shingle at the foot of the +cliffs. Here he would seek the aloneness he felt to be imperative.</p> + +<p>He started to walk briskly the length of the town, and his way took +him through the harbour again. Here again he caught glimpses of +isolated couples, leaning against the stacks of wood or half-lost in +the shade of some black hull rising high alongside the footways.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 230]</span>His perception of externals seemed to have grown keener; his glance +seemed to pierce where the shadows were thickest.</p> + +<p>And all these couples gave him just then a sense of the vast, futile +movement of life on the planet, of the infinite succession of human +generations, each appearing and blossoming and mating and dying. He +seemed in that moment to feel a hideous meaninglessness in this tidal +wave of life travelling through the ages.</p> + +<p>He crossed the railway line and passed on to the broad shingle that +sloped to the water's edge. The air was almost still, the water was +smooth and gentle. He set his face westward and trudged along, seeking +the place where his foot should stand on the solid shore for the last +time. He calculated to go about a mile, so as to be free from any +sense of the proximity of the town; but he was somewhat dismayed to +pass another couple after he had gone about a hundred yards. +Couples—couples everywhere! Should he never escape from them? How +crude seemed all this love-making when one caught a glimpse of it from +the outside as a large, collective fact!</p> + +<p>That, however, proved to be the last encounter, but as he tramped on +over the grey shingle, amid which shone the white sprinkling of chalky +pebbles, a sudden screech pierced the night and a train came rushing +along the track that ran alongside the beach, its engine vomiting a +lurid smoke that showed ghastly in the dark and that disappeared +within the tunnel under the cliff like a giant flame snuffed out. And +soon he had ceased to hear its roaring.</p> + +<p>The incident seemed to him symbolic. His flame, too, was to be snuffed +out; but he had the thought, with<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 231]</span> a grim smile, that he wasn't going +to make so much noise about it.</p> + +<p>Now and again he floundered into a puddle or rivulet that flowed +seaward across the expanse of shelving shore, but he felt his sense of +aloneness amid nature increase at each step gained. The pieces of +chalk, scattered on all hands, grew larger and larger, evidently +fallen from above and rounded by the wash of the waves. The patched +whiteness of the cliffs rose high on his right; a tiny, solitary light +shone far out at sea. Clouds were beginning to gather, and some of the +stars were hidden. The night grew darker; the stillness disturbed by +his footsteps alone and the low melody of the gently-breaking waters. +The sea itself stretched before him, a vast, soft shadow, but the eye +had to look at it determinedly to separate it from the sky. And now +"Shakespeare's Cliff" towered up, its side gashed and scarred as by a +giant's axe. The fallen masses lay heaped at its foot, grotesque yet +solemn. Then there were larger masses, piles of enormous boulders on +his right, as if a whole cliff had crashed to fragments; and a great +expanse of them, mossy and weed-covered, stretching on his left to the +water's edge. He was aware of them, too, ahead of him, extending in +the gloom indefinitely. And soon he had to pick out a tortuous way +between the mighty heaps on one hand and the far-spread belt of rock +on the other.</p> + +<p>On and on he passed, and stayed at length by a chalk rock, tall as +himself, wrought by the tides into the semblance of a head, a +veritable giant's head, with masses of long, intertangled weeds on its +top and sides, like the strange, wild unkempt locks of a sea-god; its +front show<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 232]</span>ing blurred features like a carven face eaten away by the +slow gnaw of a thousand centuries.</p> + +<p>"If you had but a tongue, what secrets of the deep you could tell!" he +could not help saying aloud.</p> + +<p>And then, as he stood listening, his wish seemed to be answered. The +face before him seemed to glow with a light as of life in the mystic +gloom that wrapped it. And it spoke to him through the silence with a +voice that was as a golden bell sounding from the heart of the +universe. It spoke a language that his being comprehended; it sang to +him a song of peace and sweetness and wonders. And he knew that the +melody that beat through it was but a murmur of the great essence +calling to him; the essence that was fragrance, that was light, that +was music; the essence that sometimes showed through the grossness of +things and that he himself had striven to capture as it flashed here +and there for those in whom burned an intenser spark of itself than +was allotted to the generality of men—for the bard, the painter, the +seer—towards whom it leapt as flame leaps to flame, yet who saw it +but as the seekers of visions see an elusive gleam flash and half die +within the blur of a magic crystal.</p> + +<p>Here, then, was the spot!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 233]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV.VI" id="CHAPTER_IV.VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + + +<p>He proceeded to disrobe himself, for he wished to feel the embrace of +the waters on his bare flesh. But he was not so absorbed in his self +and his purpose as to extrude all thoughts of those who were dear to +him. Nay, such thoughts, perhaps, were part of his very self. Eyes +that till now were dry became blinded with tears, so that the shaded, +floating night-world seemed to palpitate before him in a strange blur +that was like a despairing mood externalised. It were best so, he +reassured himself again; better that he should now plunge into the +sweet mystery, of which the little he knew was by a dim, exquisite +divination, better that he should live only as a sad memory than as an +evil-causing reality.</p> + +<p>Then, too, it occurred to him, it was right that his clothes should be +left on shore. He would put them out of the reach of the tide, and the +weight of a boulder should defy the wind. The letters of his father +and Helen would serve to identify the owner of the clothes; he would +not destroy them, since there was nothing in them save what the +writers might be proud of having written. They would then know the +worst at once, instead of having to endure the long-drawn, vain hope +that is worse than despair. Even if his body were not washed ashore +there could be no mistaking his fate.</p> + +<p>He picked his way to the water's edge and strode in unhesitatingly. +The tide was just on the turn, and the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 234]</span> touch of the light-swelling +waves was at first cold and gentle. But soon he was breasting them +with steady stroke, moving out to some indefinite point where should +be the full mystery of the night and the spaces, and whence the shore +should be swallowed up in the darkness. His sense of the world passed +into a large vagueness; the blood pulsed through his veins +exquisitely; the kiss of the water was warm and sweet. Steadily, +steadily his hands cleft it, the activity of his brain dwindling and +dwindling and lapsing at length into a mere self-abandonment to the +sensuousness of the motion. He was scarcely conscious of controlling +his muscles; his arms seemed to work of themselves in rhythmical +sweep. Onward, onward! with only a fused feeling of warmth and +exhilaration and a drowsy sense of vague far-spreadingness.</p> + +<p>The consciousness of time had passed away, and that of space was a +mere intensity of feeling. Once or twice he was dreamily aware of a +strange halo of light haunting his universe.</p> + +<p>But at last the vibrating hoot of some great passing steamship drove +suddenly across the waters, a keen note that thrilled through him +startlingly, dispelling the delicious languor that possessed him. He +had a sense as of awakening from slumber, and then he knew that the +vague halo was a long beam, flying round at some distance from him, +that came from the light-house at the end of the great stone pier. His +mind leapt again to full activity, shaking off the medley of sensation +that had been flowing against his passive consciousness with such dull +uniformity.</p> + +<p>His blood glowed with the full glory of the sea; he was<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 235]</span> conscious of a +clear sanity, for the brooding mists had vanished from his spirit. And +even as he heard and felt the throb of mighty engines that came to him +from afar, and considered what mastery over the deeps they +represented, the thought occurred to him that he, too, was master of +the boundless water, buoyant at his will. An exaltation sprang up in +him as he realised throughout all his fibre its sensuous vastness, its +elastic massiveness.</p> + +<p>And with this exultant sense of mastery, with this feeling of the good +red blood coursing through him, there seemed to have awakened in him +an invincible something that held him to existence with a grip that +could know no loosening, that made his whole being cohere with a +strength that not all the forces of dissolution could relax.</p> + +<p>On and on he swam; on and on. What an ecstacy it was to live!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 236]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV.VII" id="CHAPTER_IV.VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + + +<p>Once more a vision of his life passed before him as a single flash, +and this time it drew from him a scornful anger.</p> + +<p>Fool! Should he who rode abreast the ocean in absolute mastery not be +master of his own existence? Fool! The universe before had sung to him +of life, not of death; its essence had called to him not to take him +into itself, but to remind him that within him was some of its own +glorious fire that might yet make his life glorious. That, too, had +now leapt up, had burnt away all the vapours and purged his spirit; +that, too, sang and joined in the universal chant. He recognised its +clear melody, inspiring him to place faith in it and to be true to +himself.</p> + +<p>Action must be the key to the redemption of his life; a flourishing, +masterful Will-To-Live the force behind it. He had made mistakes; it +was for him to convert them into a good, to make of them a solid +pedestal on which his manhood should stand firm.</p> + +<p>Back to the shore again! Back to human beings and human love and human +duties!</p> + +<p>And just then an odd thought intruded on him, grotesque yet touching; +one of those incongruous memories that invade one's solemnest moments. +He had a vision of a labourer in soiled corduroys leaving him half his +dinner at the wayside inn that morning.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 237]</span>He turned on his back to rest awhile, but he found he could not endure +the changed position. For the reality of the world was lost to him +again, and he had a sense of floating alone in the immensity of +strange, dark places; the cloud-stained sky seeming to rest on his +face. The night, too, had grown darker, and the throb of the +steam-vessel came to him now more faintly. He was conscious of being +left behind. A momentary fear invaded him.</p> + +<p>And in that moment he seemed to see the shapes of those who loved him +imploring him with streaming eyes, now beckoning him, now holding +their arms to him.</p> + +<p>He set his face landwards and thrust all uncertainty from him. He +could just distinguish the softly-gleaming cliffs, but he felt strong +and pure and stout-hearted. Back! Back! Back to land, to work, to +love! A rougher tide rolling in helped him. He knew the spot whence he +had started; it was just beyond the point where the cliff rose to its +highest. The sense of distance annihilated gave him new strength, and +at last he stood again amid the fallen boulders and shook the water +from him. He sacrificed an undergarment as a towel, then dressed +himself quickly; and, suffused by the new, living spirit, he turned +his steps townward again.</p> + +<p>But he could not go home to his lodgings and sleep. It was a small +confined bed-room he had taken, whereas he felt the need of breathing +deep of the full wind that had by now sprung up. He felt that the open +night brought inspiration, and he wished, too, to yield to all the +activity that urged within him. He passed again by the harbour, +plunged into the town and through the streets that ran up the +hill-side to the castle.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 238]</span>Action, action, action! He had come through the crisis with miraculous +strength, with inexhaustible energy. On, on, through the grey night, +exulting in the wind even as he had exulted in the sea!</p> + +<p>Meanwhile his plans were coming to him.</p> + +<p>He had often, in his bitter moments, envied the bricklayer and the +cobbler. Why should <i>he</i> not begin to learn a trade even now?</p> + +<p>He was conscious of intelligence, of patience, of the desire to +labour. Why should not Kettering give him a chance in his workshop? +The old man had shown him real kindness and was evidently +well-disposed towards him. He felt sure he could enlist his sympathy, +for, despite the apparent limitation of his interests, Simon Kettering +had impressed him as having, in a general way, a keen understanding of +things. The vulgarity of life in that household was but a small +consideration to him now. His vow never to return to it had been made +when he had taken the old vision of things. His new and saner vision +made him see that vow was a mistake. Was he not strong enough to defy +the corrosiveness of a mean, vulgar atmosphere? Nay, his life, by its +own inner force, would flow impervious to such influence.</p> + +<p>To labour, and by the work of his own hands to pay those whom Cleo had +wronged!</p> + +<p>Not till he had done this would he feel true to himself; not till then +would he deem himself worthy of the love of those who were dear to +him.</p> + +<p>It were easy to fall back on his father's generosity, to live an empty +life of indolence; but that would not give him that respect of self +which alone could keep him attuned to the harmonies of being, and thus +bring him<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 239]</span> the longed-for peace of spirit. For his sense of life was +the sum of his inner moods, and no mere superficial remedy could +inform them with that pure flowingness that constitutes happiness.</p> + +<p>To go though the discipline he had set himself, to labour hard and +achieve a fixed, worthy end by his own unaided efforts, no matter what +stretch of his life it consumed, were to vindicate himself, were to +vindicate his Will-To-Live!</p> + +<p>He had arrived at a culminating point in existence. The understanding +of what his life had lacked had come to him at last, and with it a +recognition of that by which it was to be guided in future. Life, to +be true, must involve all the functions of the soul—thought, emotion +and will; must be lived with a healthy fulness. He had not so lived +it. His error had lain in detachment, which had well-nigh brought him +to the verge of destruction. And now it was with him a time of +reconstruction.</p> + +<p>He desired to face that full actuality of things from which he had +always shrunk as from a terrifying chaos, wilfully shutting out from +his vision all but its superficial forms and tones. He wished to open +his spirit to the feeling and throb of the living world.</p> + +<p>Discipline, self-discipline! On that basis alone could the human soul +develop and attain to Individuality and Freedom.</p> + +<p>He seemed to recognise some Force working in him like a Redeemer; he +fancied he saw some strange Necessity in his life, working through all +its dark moments, its action eventually forcing upon him a true +estimation of existence, of his relation to things.</p> + +<p>His being should assimilate from the living world all<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 240]</span> that should +serve to build it up; even as a plant wonderfully drew from the earth +just that which its fibre needed. But for that end he must move +through the living world—not shun it. More and more of its essence +would he take into himself, more and more would he defy the mean, the +ugly, the evil; till at last he should be strong enough to walk +unscathed even through the fire.</p> + +<p>That thought which had come to him a short time before about the +meaninglessness of life, and of the perpetual mating that carried it +on, now recurred to him again; but this time he had an accompanying +sense of its utter falsity. He had been wrong in his thought, he told +himself, because to view life in that large way from an apparently +outside point of view was in reality to lose all sight of the meaning +under quest. It was the point of view which was unsuitable, not the +meaning which was absent! The error was the same fatal one of +detachment. If man projected a critical mind, a mere isolated bit of +himself, to which adhered nothing of his essential nature, into a +boundless space and bade it look from thence on the march of humanity +and deliver judgment thereon, surely that judgment could not be a true +one.</p> + +<p>The true judgment of life was only to be made by the help of the full +humanness of the observer. Life had to be felt within; not viewed from +without from an imagined cosmic standpoint.</p> + +<p>Not then in the long parade of history must the meaning of life be +sought, nor in its massed manifestations, the sum total resulting from +its activities; not amid the buried relics in geologic strata, not in +the large sweep of scientific law. But each human being might find it<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 241]</span> +for himself in his own limited span; for the individual life, lived +true with the fulness of the human spirit, was its own end, its own +meaning. And whosoever lived true to himself felt and knew the meaning +of life. Living and mating might be foreshortened to mere dry facts in +the great stretch of a cosmic outlook; by the emotion of the +individual they were touched to divinity.</p> + +<p>Let him, then, since he wished to live true, not seek to escape from +himself, but to accept his own human outlook and be true to the +fulness of his being. Let him recognise the eternal principles of +humanness underlying man's varying attempts to express them in binding +rules of conduct, and let him take his place in man's world—a world, +both of facts and relations, selected by man's innate nature from the +swirling, chaotic continuity of which man was a part—facing the +fulness of life with the fulness of character.</p> + +<p>He had climbed the long, ascending road. Above him sat the dark castle +on the top of a grey slope; and, looking downwards on his left, he saw +the town sleeping in its valley, its many points of light gleaming +through a palpitating mist. He could just discern the other hill +beyond as a tone that was lost in the dark sky, a faint luminous spot +showing here and there on the top.</p> + +<p>He stayed a moment to admire the nocturne and was glad that he had +lived to see all this beauty. Yes, everything called to him for life, +not for death. He continued his wandering, heedless whither; and, when +at last he became conscious of fatigue, he had covered many miles and +had strayed through many by-paths. The first frenzy of restlessness +had worn itself out, and he<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 242]</span> sat for awhile on a barred gate, previous +to turning back to the town.</p> + +<p>His only guide now was the general sense that he must keep the sea on +his left. He was but a few hundred feet from it. Once or twice he +divined the water, almost indistinguishable from cloud, when a great +indentation in the cliff made its edge sweep in towards him; and once +a ship's light flashed out of it for half a second. He swung along +steadily, and after a time found himself traversing a great, dusky +stretch of land. He had the feeling of crawling over it like an +insect, so vast was his sense of this flat earth; he seemed just a bit +of it moving on it and thinking about it, as if it had attained +through him to consciousness of itself!</p> + +<p>He fell into a slow saunter, philosophic fancies coming to interweave +themselves with his thoughts; and, when he awoke again from a long +reverie, the road had grown narrow, rough and stony. He stumbled along +till at length he again made out the castle in the distance, perched +on its sombre eminence, just a flat silhouette against a lighter +greyish sky.</p> + +<p>The road dipped between two slopes that cut off the view, and, when he +had passed them, the battlemented silhouette seemed to show deeper and +the sky lighter. The morn was approaching.</p> + +<p>Imperceptibly the darkness thinned. A quiet feeling of holiness was in +the air. The stretch of common on either hand began to take on a shade +of brown, though the rare clumps of scattered bushes still showed dark +and solid. A fresh morning breeze came to him, scent-laden.</p> + +<p>In some parts the clouds were lightening, melting, and as he came +again into full view of the sea,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 243]</span> he saw its whole surface glistening +and of an indefinite colour. Sometimes it struck him as a sort of +steely grey, sometimes it flashed upon him as a vague, elusive green. +It was almost light now, and he could see the landscape distinct and +wonderfully sharp-cut. A minute later he was almost sure that the sea +was green, and, to his surprise, he became aware of luminous blue bars +among the clouds. There was a lovely piece of green, too, with orange +streaks in it. Then there came a full flood of mystic pink, and the +water was one laughing sparkle. He drew deep breaths of the air and +gloried in the dawn.</p> + +<p>The pure, sweet dawn, to him symbolic of Resurrection and Life!</p> + +<p>Though tired now, he still lingered, strolling at ease down to the +town again and lounging on the beach and in the harbour. When, in the +end, he arrived at the coffee-house where he had taken his lodging he +found it already open, and porters and sailors were taking their +early-morning coffee.</p> + +<p>He threw himself across his bed and slept soundly till mid-day.</p> + + +<div class="center"><strong>END OF BOOK IV.</strong></div> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 244]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 245]</span></p> +<h2><a name="BOOK_V" id="BOOK_V"></a>BOOK V.</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 246]</span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 25%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 247]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.I" id="CHAPTER_V.I"></a>CHAPTER I.</h2> + + +<p>Morgan waited till half-past one before calling again at the +Ketterings, for by then, as he knew, the printer had about finished +his lunch, and usually had some few minutes to spare.</p> + +<p>He did not ring at the side entrance, but walked through the shop, +where only a boy was in charge at this hour, and into the workshop at +the back. Here, to his satisfaction, he found Mr. Kettering himself +busy measuring up galleys with a long piece of string. The old man was +startled to see him, but said he was glad he had come, as he had been +anxious about him and had wanted to talk to him. Morgan noticed that +he seemed a little excited. His face, too, seemed a trifle more worn +and lined than usual behind his spectacles, and his beard had a +scraggy appearance.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid, sir, my daughters were very rude to you yesterday +morning," he continued, "and I want you to accept my sincere apology +for their conduct. They are hard-working girls enough, but they +haven't much sense, and I'm afraid not much consideration for other +folks' feelings. I only hope you'll overlook it this time. However, +there's something else I must tell you at once. Selina has gone away."</p> + +<p>"Gone away!" echoed Morgan.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Mr. Kettering, sadly. "Altogether we've had a nice upset. +Mother's ill in bed to-day. It was<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 248]</span> this way: Of course I spoke a bit +sharply to those scatter-brained girls, and they answered me back in a +way it makes my blood boil to think about. Women-folk are all a bit +crazy. That's the opinion I've been forced to, sir, and if I had my +days over again, I'd never so much as look at one of them. Then +Selina—she joined in and said it stifled her to live here. It was +worse than living in a mud-hovel. Then the mother said she'd better go +and live in a mud-hovel. And after that they all four fell a-screaming +and I couldn't do anything to stop them. As soon as I could get a word +in edgeways I begged them to be quiet, but Selina was excited and +disowned us all. She said she never believed she was our child; she +could never possibly have come from such filth as us, and then she +lost her head and cursed us—I never heard the like in my life. My +heart bled for you, sir, for I said to myself: this can't be the first +exhibition she has made of herself since her marriage, especially as +things went wrong. However, business had to be attended to, which put +an end to the scene. But when I went up to dinner, Selina told me she +had packed up and was going away that afternoon, and that we needn't +expect ever to see her again. Of course I tried to talk her over, and +asked her not to be foolish, but to stop till she had her arrangements +properly made. Then she told me sharply not to mind about <i>her</i> +arrangements, and that she had no need of my charity. She pulled out +and showed me fifty pounds in bank-notes. They came the day before, she +said, and she had any number of thousands waiting for her. 'But what +about your husband?' I asked. 'My husband?' she snorted. 'I'll make +you a present of him if you like.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 249]</span> There's another woman in love with +him, who's ready to give him as much money as he cares to take from +her. And he has any number of mistresses besides. So you don't expect +I'm going to trouble my head about him. Besides, he hasn't said six +words to me since we've been here. If he had cared about me he'd have +shown it.' And, sure enough, she went off by the afternoon train. +'Tell him he's rid of me now, as soon as he gets over his fit of the +sulks and comes back,' was the last she said. Yes, women-folk are all +crazy. You'll excuse me repeating the remark, I know, sir; but you +remember what I told you when you came on Sunday. I don't mean any +disrespect by it, but I can't help thinking you were a fool to marry +her."</p> + +<p>And Kettering took up his cord again as if to continue his measuring.</p> + +<p>Morgan's brain was for an instant full of a whirling mass of thought. +He could not hide from himself that he had not the slightest sense of +sorrow or regret. He knew perfectly well that Cleo esteemed him no +more than a dead twig, that, by his abstention from offering up to her +daily an incense and a sweet savour of gross flattery, he had +destroyed all possibility of her continuing to imagine he counted for +something in her life. And, of course, she was not the kind of woman +to stay in so sordid and narrow a household with a penniless man, who +was nothing to her beyond her husband—she with her gorgeous demands +upon life! No doubt her departure had been already arranged with the +person who had sent her the money she had shown her father and she had +been glad to seize upon any pretext. However, he thought it right to +assure Mr. Kettering that<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 250]</span> Cleo's accusations against him were entirely +false and that, as regards his conduct towards her, no reproach could +be made to him.</p> + +<p>"You've no need to tell me that," said Mr. Kettering, "I never for a +moment doubted you. You know, sir," he added, "you're quite welcome to +make my home yours so long as it suits your convenience."</p> + +<p>Morgan replied that, as Kettering was probably aware, he had no money, +but that he was anxious to earn some, however little. Could he not do +so by learning to set up type?</p> + +<p>Kettering looked hard at him, and Morgan bore the gaze without +flinching.</p> + +<p>"I can see you mean it," he said, "so we won't waste time discussing +whether you're serious. Now, Mr. Druce, I don't know who you are, and +I'm not going to ask you any questions. I flatter myself I've got some +little skill in reading faces, and I knew from the first that you were +a gentleman, and one with his heart in the right place. Now don't +think I'm taking liberties, sir, but I should like you to think the +matter over again and see whether you would not do better to +communicate with your family and friends. I don't want to know how you +came to have the misfortune to marry my girl, but I feel that as a +fellow-man I ought to ask you to reconsider your position. Maybe your +folk are fretting and anxious about you. I'm only a plain man, but I +think I can lay some claim to common sense, and believe me I only +venture to speak to you like this because I respect you."</p> + +<p>"I do intend communicating with my people," said Morgan, touched by +the old man's sincerity and thought<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 251]</span>fulness, "but I want to earn my +bread all the same. That is essential."</p> + +<p>"I understand," said Kettering. "You want to feel yourself stand on +your own legs. Yes, that's a fine thing to feel. Well, as I said, I +like your face and I trust you. I hope you're not vexed at what I +ventured to say."</p> + +<p>"On the contrary," said Morgan, "I am sincerely grateful to you for +having said it."</p> + +<p>Kettering's face beamed, and its benevolent quality grew more marked.</p> + +<p>"A boy apprentice is supposed to take seven years learning the trade, +sir, but we needn't get discouraged about that. A man anxious to +learn, with his wits about him—"</p> + +<p>"I am anxious, and I have my wits about me," put in Morgan.</p> + +<p>"Well, after three months he could make himself deuced handy."</p> + +<p>Kettering's mild oath was simply intended by way of encouragement.</p> + +<p>"You see," he went on, "once you'd learnt the lay of the case, you'd +soon get your hand in for straightforward setting, and then if you +didn't mind exercising your muscles, you could do a bit of pulling at +press. And a man of your education, sir, might turn his knowledge to +account in proof-reading. Not that there's much scope for that sort of +thing, sir, in my little business. But it's just an idea we might keep +in mind. There's no knowing what might come of it. Now I'm not going +to omit the business part, sir. I know you must be wanting to hear +about that, and I know you'd<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 252]</span> prefer to make a bargain on a strict +business basis. Perhaps you care to make a suggestion."</p> + +<p>"I am too ignorant for that. I want you to give me just what I am +worth and no more. Of course, I know that I shall not be worth +anything for some time."</p> + +<p>In a few minutes they had arranged everything in such a way that there +should be no obligation on either side. Morgan was to live in the +house. A wage was to be put to his credit from the beginning for all +work done by him that was of use, at the regular "piece rates," and +such work as "pulling at press" and "clearing," which could only be +estimated by time, was to be entered at time rates. Of course his +earnings at first would be very small, but they would increase from +week to week. On the other hand, an agreed weekly value was put on his +board and lodging, which from the first would be charged against his +earnings. And when eventually the wages due to him had overtaken the +amount thus due by him, he should get the weekly balance in cash, or +he might then, if he preferred, board and lodge where it pleased him.</p> + +<p>Morgan was touched by old Kettering's sympathetic comprehension of his +needs, but when he sought to give expression to his thanks, the old +man would not listen.</p> + +<p>Mark entered just then, and, the situation having been made clear to +him in a few words, readily agreed to have Morgan by his side in the +workshop, and to make of him a sort of protégé.</p> + +<p>The whole interview had consumed barely half an hour, and Morgan went +out just as the journeymen were returning for their afternoon's work. +He had arranged to begin in the morning, since they had a heavy job to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 253]</span> +get finished that afternoon, and could not spare a moment to initiate +him. Mark, however, said he would teach him the lay of the case that +evening from a diagram. Kettering, before he left, said he would make +it his business to give the girls to understand that they must treat +him with respect, but begged him to ignore them in case they should +misbehave, winding up with his oft-expressed conviction that all +women-folk were crazy, and it was a mistake to take them seriously.</p> + +<p>However, Morgan troubled himself little about the girls; they had no +terrors for him now. An exquisite peace came upon him. It was many +years since he had had the feeling.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 254]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.II" id="CHAPTER_V.II"></a>CHAPTER II.</h2> + + +<p>He was not sorry to have the afternoon free, for it gave him the +opportunity of writing long letters to Helen and to his father. He +felt he owed it to both to make them understand his changed attitude.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<p>"One real critical moment in a life," he went on to write to Helen, +after narrating all that had occurred up to that very moment, +"suffices to work changes that may seem almost miraculous. I am not +going to say that the prophecy you made just to encourage me a little +is going to be fulfilled. Happiness is not for me—I have lost the +essential factors of that. But a cheerful acceptance of life, a full +use of each day, a consciousness of submission to a healthy +self-discipline, must bring me a healthy sense of worthiness.</p> + +<p>"Of course you will see that my making the payment of Cleo's debts a +sort of goal will enable me to test my strength. Once I arrive at the +goal, I shall be able to hold my head high. I have done the one and +only thing, and it was good for me that the means were so near at +hand. And so I hope to have your approval both of my determination and +of my returning you this bank-note. I have still eighteen-pence in my +pocket, and Mr. Kettering says I can draw a few shillings whenever I +feel in need of them.</p> + +<p>"I dare say my donning an apron and holding a com<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 255]</span>posing-stick must at +moments seem quite comic to you. Viewed by itself, it no doubt <i>is</i> +comic. But it isn't a fact to be looked at by itself. It is a fact +which has a relation to my whole existence—in the past, present, and +future—and must be strictly viewed in such relation.</p> + +<p>"I don't know why I should mention this except that I caught a sudden +glimpse of myself as a workman and found myself smiling. Every life +must have its critical moments, and I feel that I have just passed +through mine. I have come out with different conceptions of things; +moreover, I seem to have found the key to the scheme of my existence, +and, though as yet only in a haunting way, to understand the +underlying principle, working through all my dreamings, my failures, +my mistakes, and my folly, towards my redemption."</p></div> +<p> </p> + +<p>In the letter to his father he necessarily had to condense a good +deal, as the ground to be covered was so extensive. And some instinct +urged him to be silent about his attempt at suicide. He told briefly +of his marriage, which he described as a sort of a jump with his eyes +open he had suddenly been impelled to take. He had fallen on a place +astonishingly different from what it had appeared to him, for he had +been the victim of a mirage, through which the force of his impulse +had taken him into underlying abysses. He went on to describe Cleo's +failure and his own awakening; how they had gone to Dover, how Cleo +had left him, and why he was remaining there now. He likewise included +a message for the Medhursts, but asked his father not to tell them his +whereabouts. It would be sufficient if they were assured all was well +with him. It was an odd<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 256]</span> fancy, but he wanted to have the feeling that +he was hiding from them.</p> + +<p>He had been too touched by his father's letter not to be frank and +sincere, as indeed he would have been in any case, and he only omitted +to say how close he had been to his end because he shrank from giving +pain.</p> + +<div class="blockquot"> +<p>"There is one thing in particular I want to ask you," he concluded, +"and that is not to be tempted to come here to see me. If you really +do sympathise with my motives for the life I have chosen, you will +understand my fear that a meeting between us now might unnerve me. I +know it is a great thing to ask you to be satisfied with the knowledge +that I am well and cheerful, and that, my wife having left me of her +own accord, I have nothing to reproach myself with in my conduct to +her from beginning to end. But I want to begin my new work and submit +myself to the new discipline. So much for me depends upon it that, +though I am strong and confident, I must not run the risk of being +distracted from my purpose by forces that are stronger than I. Where +the issue is so great—as it is, according to my conception of +things—it is but natural I should distrust myself a little. The year +is just half gone. Give me the opportunity of testing myself and of +inuring myself to the discipline with no other encouragement save the +knowledge of the worthiness of my purpose and the goodwill and +approval of whoever understands me. I want to stand alone for the +present—isolation brings out every atom of strength in me. Then, +perhaps, when the new year comes and I shall have had the strength to +stand firm, I may be able to look you in the face."</p></div> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 257]</span>Helen, in her reply, would not agree with him that he had lost the +essential factors of happiness. She still stood by her prophecy. She +understood and entered into his every feeling, and approved of his +plans unreservedly. The ten pounds she had given to a starving man.</p> + + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"I wanted to celebrate your choice between life and death, and +the dawn of your new era, by making a human being happy, if only +for a little while. You should have seen his face when he +understood all that lump of money was really his. What emotions +must have stirred in him! He must have thought that the age of +miracles had come again. It gave me the sensation of drinking +some ethereal brand of champagne—it was to your happiness, of +course, I drank.</p> + +<p>"I was aware, from the beginning, that you were beset with +dangers from your own temperament and disposition. But perhaps, +after all, it is best that your temperament should have worked +itself out its own way. You will emerge the better and the +stronger for it in the end, and then, when you do come into your +happiness, you will be able to appreciate it with your whole +being. But I must own to a sense of guilt—I might have been a +truer friend to you had it not been for my selfish love for you. +You have yet to forgive me for that.</p> + +<p>"It rather vexes me that I cannot do more than just look on and +see events shape themselves inevitably, like a spring uncoiling. +I should so much have loved to be the good fairy of your life. +But, alas! that cannot be, since its very inner force is its own +good fairy.</p> + +<p>"P. S. I have managed to write you a whole letter<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 258]</span> without one +flippant phrase. Which is certainly a proof that your admonition +to me not to look upon you, in apron and shirt-sleeves, picking +up type, as a comic picture has made a due impression on me. I am +seeing you the whole time as a sort of glorified, idealised +workman, enveloped in a mystic halo, and standing for the dignity +of labor and the nobility of man. By the way, I have met Miss +Medhurst. I had quite a thrill as we shook hands! And she had not +the slightest idea I was of any special interest, more than any +other casual person she might meet. Strange dramatic position, +was it not? Of course, I never want her to know about me. Which +reminds me, I am rather alarmed lest your mood of confession +should have led you to make me known to your sire—I hope not. +And please don't. May I come to Dover for a day now and again in +order to see you for ten minutes each time? I have decided to cut +Scotland and pass August at Folkestone instead, just lounging on +the beach and reading novels. Please say 'yes.'</p> + +<p>"P. P. S. I don't like the idea of my rôle being limited to +writing you amusing letters. Won't you allot me a more active and +satisfying part? Would it not be a good idea for you to appoint +me your 'London agent?' Suppose you give me the list of your +creditors and remit me your money as soon as you have a decent +instalment put by. You could leave the distribution to me. The +workmen should be paid first, of course. I shall arrange to +ferret them out, which, I think, will not be difficult, as most +of them are, no doubt, attached to the theatre. It would make me +so happy if you said 'yes.' After all, one's life, when once its +conditions are settled, and its<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 259]</span> allotted tasks performed, really +reduces itself to inter-relations with a few chosen personalities, +and everything else becomes a mere background against which one +lives. It is the few who occupy one's central consciousness and +make one happy or miserable. You will see, therefore, how +important to me this apparently little thing will be."</p></div> +<p> </p> +<p>His father's reply was brief and to the point. He thanked his dear son +for listening to his prayer, and was happy to hear that everything was +now well. As to the irreparable mistake, that, of course, must be +faced and lived down. He would respect Morgan's wishes and not seek to +see him for the present. Directly he had received Morgan's letter he +had sent a long telegram to the Medhursts, which he was now +supplementing by a letter. They had telegraphed back, asking him to +convey to Morgan their love and hoping they might hear about him from +time to time. "You have made me understand a good deal to which I have +been blind," he went on. "You were never an ordinary lad; you had +special needs, as has every lad of any individuality. I should have +sought to comprehend them, instead of trying to drive you along the +ordinary lines. No wonder there was a discord—a jarring and a +clashing. God speed you, my dear son, and with all my heart do I wish +you success in doing that which you feel to be right. For the present, +good-bye!"</p> + +<p>When Morgan wrote again to Helen he prayed her not to come just yet. +His mood was desperately set on isolation, till he could feel he had +tackled the task before him and made substantial progress. He hoped +she<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 260]</span> would not alter her plans, as she had meditated, but he gladly +accepted her services as "London agent." There was little chance, +though, of his being able to send her the first remittance for several +months, by which time she would probably be back in town.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 261]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.III" id="CHAPTER_V.III"></a>CHAPTER III.</h2> + + +<p>Meanwhile Morgan had settled down "at case" and was patiently learning +to pick up the "stamps." He was initiated into the mysteries of ems +and ens, of leading and spacing and making-up. Racks and galleys and +wooden and metal "furniture" played a large part in his dreams; +turpentine, paraffin and machine-oil, roller composition and inks +became the breath of his nostrils. By an effort of concentration he +would never before have been capable of, he made rapid advance, +Kettering generously letting him do such work as he could do most +effectively, so that his wages' account mounted week by week. The +close attention his work demanded made mind-wandering and aimless +thinking impossible; but as time went by and he found himself +acquiring skill, his enthusiasm grew, and he threw himself into his +new occupation almost with frenzy, taking a sort of savage +satisfaction in the grey grime of the workshop with its soiled wooden +fittings, and in the silent companionship of his aproned co-workers.</p> + +<p>He filled up his time at every department of the trade, +learning—besides type-setting and proof-correcting—to take the +gas-engine to pieces and to clean it, to help to make ready "formes" +on the machine, to mix inks, to clean rollers and to work at press, +either as inker or puller. But the grime had no power to enter into +his spirit, though some slight suggestion of his occupation<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 262]</span> began +eventually to show itself in his face. His hands, too, suffered +severely, for soft white hands get quickly ill-used in a printer's +workshop.</p> + +<p>Still smarting under a long lecture from their father, Alice and Mary +had at first taken care to confine conversation with him to trade +exigencies; but after a few days they had grown to accept him as part +of the household, and were civil to him again. Mrs. Kettering liked to +get him to herself of an evening and talk to him for two hours at a +time. Kettering himself would fidget a good deal at such times, but +scarcely ventured to intrude, though apparently his greatest delight +was also to converse with Morgan. But Mrs. Kettering showed no such +scruples about entering into the conversation and eventually taking +Morgan captive, being entirely without respect for the fact that her +husband was in legal possession. In either case Morgan's contribution +to the conversation rarely exceeded one-fourth of the whole.</p> + +<p>Mark continued taciturn as ever, though his enormous mustachios seemed +to grow constantly, as if benefitting by the energy that should have +gone into speech. Sometimes he would accompany Morgan on a long walk, +and on such occasions Morgan would try to discover the secret of his +personality. He learnt after some difficulty that Mark regarded women +pretty well as so many demons put on this earth to entrap men's souls. +He however had to confess he hadn't formed this opinion from outside +experience, but then, he added, he had taken good care to steer free +of the sex. He was satisfied to do his work and smoke his pipe—a +veritable pipe of peace.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 263]</span>This philosophy, however, only represented one-half of him, though its +few simple facts had had to be elicited in little bits, buried in +irrelevances, and as there were apparently numbers of such little +bits, the process of extrication had been a somewhat painful one. Nor +did the other half come as a single revelation. It was also conveyed +in little bits, which Morgan had to dig out and piece together and +these bits were more difficult to find than the others, for they were +infinitely tinier. Mark had once been in love, but had been too shy to +let the object of it suspect it, or, rather, he had not known which +way to set to work, and the prize had been snapped up by another.</p> + +<p>Of course, Morgan's thought sometimes indulged in flights that had +little relation to the workshop or to the processes of printing, but +only within strict and narrow limits. These he further narrowed by +giving up a great part of his leisure to the perusal of such technical +books as Kettering possessed. Cleo still figured largely for him. She +had been too big and important a fact in his life to lose her place as +yet in the centre of his consciousness. But even had he the power, he +would not have attempted to gather any intelligence as to her +movements, though he could not help speculating somewhat on the very +point. Should she ever return into his life again—and he could not +make up his mind as to the probability of her doing so—then would be +time enough for him to concern himself with her practically.</p> + +<p>And amid all his toil, he had ever a sense of something light and +dainty, something he was aware of as a haunting, unseen presence. And +then at moments there gleamed upon him the wistful fancy that, beneath +all<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 264]</span> the phrases and arguments with which he had equipped himself for +the battle, it was really his love for Margaret was helping him to be +strong, that it was the hope of his one day attaining to be worthy of +her friendship was aiding his self-purification, that it was the flame +she had lit in him had now sprung up again, defying all the mean +elements by which he was surrounded to eat into his spirit.</p> + +<p>And once the fancy had come to him, he nurtured it, so that it grew +and grew and became part of his very self. If, indeed, it had not been +truth when it had first come to him, it was truth now.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 265]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.IV" id="CHAPTER_V.IV"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h2> + + +<p>Strolling out one evening, about the end of August, to cool after the +heated atmosphere of the workshop, Morgan was dreaming a beautiful +vain dream. He had gone half way down the shorter St. Margaret's road, +and in the distance rose the square church-tower. For the last two or +three minutes he had been conscious of people a few yards ahead of +him, and, as their slow stroll was yet slower than his, he had been +getting nearer and nearer to them. Now his eye rested half vacantly on +their backs, and the perception forced itself upon him that the three +backs were those of ladies; and the next thing that dawned upon him +was that there was something familiar as well as pleasing about the +carriage, the curves, and the movements of those backs, still some +twenty paces ahead of him. But he was still dreaming of Margaret, and +these perceptions from the outer world were not strong enough to +destroy the images in possession of his mind. He was quite close on +them before he became aware that he had stumbled on Mrs. Medhurst, +Margaret, and Diana.</p> + +<p>Though conscious of them, he had, in his abstraction, almost walked on +them in the narrow road, making them turn instinctively. He knew he +was trembling visibly as he stood face to face with Margaret, her +figure flashing on him for a moment like a divine vision; then he saw +nothing and felt a fire burning at his temples.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 266]</span>"Morgan," said Mrs. Medhurst's sweet voice, and the cloud of things +passed away, and he became aware her arm was supporting him.</p> + +<p>"So we know your hiding-place now," sang out Diana. "Why wouldn't you +let my old sweetheart tell me? I'm sure I'd have got it out of him all +the same had he been in London."</p> + +<p>"Morgan doesn't even offer to shake hands with us," said Margaret in +soft suggestion.</p> + +<p>Now that the encounter had been made, he pulled himself together to +face it. He felt shame-faced and altogether unstrung, and he knew that +the instinct that had made him insist on isolation had been fully +justified. He was over-conscious, too, of the stains on his hands as +he held it out. And yet beneath all his discomfort there was a full +tide of immeasurable happiness. He could not speak yet. His throat +swelled—the emotion was too overpowering. Here again was Margaret, +the real Margaret, by his side, talking to him!</p> + +<p>His eyes took her in greedily. Under the large straw hat, with its +poppies and corn, her face showed exquisite, a face that might float +tantalisingly across a painter's vision, and vanish after but allowing +him the merest glimpse. Though she was clad in a simple dark blue +serge dress, the grace of her figure seemed to him a revelation, and a +ravishing sprig of cornflower peeped from her waistband. There was a +repose, too, and a gentleness in her bearing that made him think, by +contrast, of his Cleo, and of the uncouthness of Alice and Mary when +they attempted to be stately.</p> + +<p>Perhaps the very thought seemed to call out to him<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 267]</span> in warning, for, +suppressing a sigh, he tore his eyes away from her.</p> + +<p>"Why couldn't you let us know?" persisted Diana, who had been +evidently much put out by the failure of her artful letters to seduce +Archibald into giving away the secret of Morgan's whereabouts.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Medhurst and Margaret both looked at Morgan and smiled, as if to +convey to him that <i>they</i> understood his motives, and to indicate that +Diana was not in the secret. Diana's quick eyes, however, noted the +movement, though she said nothing just then.</p> + +<p>"I had reasons," said Morgan, vaguely, feeling he must make some sort +of an answer to so definite a question.</p> + +<p>"We are staying at St. Margaret's," explained Mrs. Medhurst, "and we +have been taking a stroll along the cliff-path. It began to get too +dangerous, so we climbed a fence and cut across somebody's ploughed +field, and then through a common, till at last we got on to this road. +And now we're wending our steps homeward. You, Morgan, I suppose, are +wandering after the labours of the day?"</p> + +<p>He felt they were talking to him in as simple and natural a manner as +if they had but parted the day before, under normal circumstances; and +he was grateful for this delicacy that abstained from embarrassing him +and made the meeting an easy one for him.</p> + +<p>"The beauty of the evening tempted me," he said, growing more at his +ease.</p> + +<p>"And shall not our beauty tempt you as well," suggested Mrs. Medhurst +laughingly, "to come and see our<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 268]</span> humble cottage. It is a quaint place. +Mr. Medhurst bought it and we furnished it ourselves."</p> + +<p>"Do come, Morgan," put in Margaret persuasively, as if some instinct +told her he was going to hesitate.</p> + +<p>He knew that battling against the temptation would be hopeless. He +seemed to be walking with angels in the last flood of the evening +sunlight, and something of the divine calm of evening came over his +spirit. He was borne along, gently, gently, till all the sense of the +day's toil behind him fell away. The cool air breathed on him, and +fluttered the blades of grass on the common, and shook the purple +wild-flowers that grew along the wayside. It was laden with the odour +of the sheaves that were spread over the fields amid the brown +stubble, and seemed to waft to him something of the elemental poetry +of the great mother Earth, of the informing spirit of religions of +antiquity, of the human joy in the harvest festival, of the symbolic +cornucopia, of the grateful offerings of first-fruits.</p> + +<p>With a rare understanding of his emotions, they referred no more to +him or his work, but plunged at once into their holiday adventures, so +that he also was carried away from himself. Diana was learning to +swim, and was as full of the subject as she had once or twice, +according to her own account, been of sea-water. Margaret's +enthusiasms were all for boating, and she took the others out whenever +the sea was smooth enough to soothe her mother's fears. The cottage, +too, was such fun that they never grew tired of it. And then there was +a field near at hand where they had a tennis-court marked out, and +where Diana and Margaret kept the ball going between them.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 269]</span>It did not take them long to reach St. Margaret's, and they entered +their cottage just as the sun was on the point of sinking. Morgan, now +abandoned to his adventure, was delighted with the curiously-built +place, with its tiny hall, on one side of which was the little +drawing-room, and on the other the dining-room. The walls were boarded +and the ceilings were low, rough and whitewashed. Sketches and prints +were hung in profusion, nooks were draped, and wicker and quaint +chairs and knick-knacks were arranged in a charming disorder, whilst +books were scattered everywhere. A piano loomed huge in the crowded +little drawing-room. And all this had been achieved, whispered Mrs. +Medhurst confidentially in his ear, by the outlay of an incredibly few +pounds.</p> + +<p>Morgan had an enchanted couple of hours, handling the books, listening +to Margaret's playing, and admiring Diana's skill with the mandoline, +which her many-sided caprice had taken up of late. He joined them in +their evening meal for, according to their rural regime, they dined at +two and supped about nine. The dining-room opened direct into a third +inner room, which mysterious place Morgan judged to be a kitchen; for +the cottage was built long and low.</p> + +<p>When eventually he rose to go, they bade him good-night with the same +implication of normality. It almost seemed they were taking it for +granted he would come again on the morrow. But he knew their omission +to give him a definite invitation was dictated by their feeling for +him; that they did not wish to seem to intrude on the life he had +chosen, but were leaving it to him to decide.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 270]</span>He strode off through the gathering darkness on the hour's walk that +would take him back to Dover. The colour had not quite died out of the +west, and, as he watched the violets and the cold blues and the pearl +greys fading with the strange, lingering light on the distant horizon, +his feeling of the evening just passed brought back to him the echo of +some lines in the poem, from which Helen had once quoted to him:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"It lies in heaven, across the flood</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Of ether, as a bridge.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">Beneath, the tides of day and night</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">With flame and darkness ridge</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">The void..."</span><br /> +</p> +<p> </p> +<p>He had the sensation of being in the middle spaces now, floating down +towards earth again from some rare ethereal region, to which his +spirit had mounted.</p> + +<p>Perhaps, too, of Margaret might it be true, as of the Blessed Damozel:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 2.5em;">"... she cast her arms along</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">The golden barriers,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And laid her face between her hands</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 3em;">And wept."</span><br /> +</p> +<p> </p> +<p>He recalled now what his father had written in his first letter about +her shutting herself up in her studio and her pretence of being at +work on a mass of wax. The hint of her suffering had been almost +intolerable to him then; and he knew that, in spite of all her gaiety +to-night, the wound had not healed. He pictured the four of them +sitting in the shaded lamp-light of the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 271]</span> little drawing-room, and, as +the echo of the music she had played surged again in his ears, he +seemed to feel behind it a strange, ineffable sadness, as one might be +conscious of the dark depths of a moon-lit stream. Her every movement +rose before him again, giving him the sense of pain suppressed for his +sake.</p> + +<p>He had abandoned himself to the charm of the evening—it had been so +wonderful to him! But now his vision seemed to have grown keener, to +be piercing deeper. His memory of each moment was marvellously clear. +How vivid still was the picture of Mrs. Medhurst bending down into the +light, when he had noticed how the gold was fading out of the still +beautiful hair. In the haunting memory of her sweet face he seemed to +see now an under-expression of anxious pity and love.</p> + +<p>Perhaps now that the pressure was relaxed, Margaret had stolen up to +her room and was sobbing passionately to a silent world.</p> + +<p>They seemed to beat through him, these sobs! And then Mrs. Medhurst's +face again seemed to be with him, and the knowledge that his father +had loved her in the olden days seemed to bring her closer to his +heart. He stood still and threw out his arms in the darkness, with the +vain yearning fancy that perhaps she might be there, that perhaps she +might take him to her.</p> + +<p>"Morgan," sang out a voice by his side.</p> + +<p>His arms dropped and his heart beat painfully, and, though in a moment +he had perceived it was Diana had overtaken him in the gloom, he could +not recover himself.</p> + +<p>"Why, you're crying!" she exclaimed, as her hand stole into his. "And +so is she. That makes a pair of<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 272]</span> you. I'm sure I don't know what it's +all about, but it's enough to vex a saint. Something mysterious has +happened and nobody will tell me a word about it. And I dare not ask +Margaret. I tried it once, and it just started her off crying—I +thought she'd never stop!"</p> + +<p>He did not answer her. He but held her little hand tighter, aware that +the contact made his own seem coarser. They moved on together.</p> + +<p>Suddenly he checked himself. "You must not come any further," he +began. "I must see you back."</p> + +<p>"Tell me first what has happened," she persisted; "Why have you become +a workman?"</p> + +<p>"I cannot and must not tell you. Besides, you could never understand."</p> + +<p>"I understand a good deal more than you grown-up people think I do. +Why can't you leave off being a workman? And why don't you come and +marry Margaret? She's awfully in love with you, and so are you with +her—you know you are!"</p> + +<p>"Yes Diana, I know I am," fell from his lips, and immediately he +regretted the words.</p> + +<p>"Then come back now and tell her," said Diana, tugging at him as if to +make him turn.</p> + +<p>"But look at my hands," he said, half in jest, half in earnest. "See +how rough and stained they are! I shall always be a workman, and I +shall always be very poor."</p> + +<p>"Margaret doesn't care anything about that," she protested. "She's not +that sort of girl. Do come back, please, Morgan. Mamma's reading +downstairs. I'll steal up to Marjy and tell her you're waiting for +her. If you stand under the window, I'm sure you'll hear her crying.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 273]</span> +Come along, Morgan, you can take ever such a nice walk together, +and——"</p> + +<p>"And,"—he echoed stupidly.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I was going to say I'll be glad to get the pair of you off my +hands."</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid that pleasure will have to be postponed indefinitely," he +observed. "And now, Diana," he added, as sternly as he could, "you +must be going back home without me—that is, I'll see you safe to +where the houses begin."</p> + +<p>"Morgan, you're a brute!" she answered with equal sternness. "But I +mean to get to the bottom of this mystery all the same. I'll make a +bet with you. How long do you give me to find out?"</p> + +<p>"Ten years," said Morgan. He had now turned back with her.</p> + +<p>"Ten years!" she echoed mockingly. "Why there'll be any number of +olive-branches by then. Yours, of course, I mean."</p> + +<p>"Diana! You are a very wicked girl."</p> + +<p>"Well, I'm fourteen. That's quite old enough to be wicked, isn't it? +Good-night, Morgan." And she suddenly sped ahead, and before he could +recover from his astonishment she had become a shadow amid the +darkness.</p> + +<p>He strode after her, though he had not the least anxiety for her, as +they were not yet a mile distant from the cottage. From the speed with +which she kept ahead of him, it was clear she was determined to elude +him; seeing which he contented himself with keeping within range of +her.</p> + +<p>When, eventually, he turned towards Dover again, it<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 274]</span> was with a feeling +of half-sorrow that he should have happened to take that walk. Strong +and firm as he was, he was not strong enough to endure such ordeals. +He had winced most whilst Diana had been speaking to him. And then the +figure of Cleo came up again. Cleo, to whom he was married!</p> + +<p>In the depression that now came upon him, a friendship with Margaret, +even years hence, seemed an impossibility to him. She might remain +with him as an ideal figure, but the real living Margaret was too +dazzling for him to look upon.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 275]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.V" id="CHAPTER_V.V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h2> + + +<p>Morgan did not venture again to take any walks to the east of the +town, though he dwelt with pain on the possibility of the Medhursts +hoping to fall in with him again. He could only trust that they would +understand, though from their point of view there might perhaps seem +no reason why he should avoid them so utterly. Had not the last +encounter been a success, they might argue, and had he not been +perfectly cheerful and, to all appearance, happy in their company?</p> + +<p>Once or twice he thought of writing to Mrs. Medhurst, but he could not +get down a word, and the pen dropped from his hand.</p> + +<p>He felt the effects for several days, a vision of that lamp-lit room +continuing to obtrude between him and his work, and the stream of +music still flowing from Margaret's fingers. His proofs were dirty and +needed much correction; and he even found himself setting up his +thoughts in type, instead of following his copy.</p> + +<p>However, he toiled on, almost with desperation, and Mr. Kettering's +respect for him and his abilities advanced greatly. He and Mark had +never ceased to call him "sir"; and Morgan, on his part, could never +cease wondering how such sterling character could exist side by side +in the same family with the general instability that characterised the +women. As for Alice and Mary, he had been so long now in the house +that an occasional<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 276]</span> quarrel with them signified nothing; in fact, that +was part of the routine of the life.</p> + +<p>About the end of the year he got his first chance in life. Mr. +Kettering had been very proud, indeed, of employing him, especially as +he had proved so apt a learner, and the experiment had entirely been +crowned with success. The old man had enlarged on Morgan's superior +culture to the traveller of a great London paper firm—himself a man +of some education—who had for many years been going abroad regularly +on the business of his firm, and who as regularly looked in for +Kettering's order. This Mr. Brett thus came to make Morgan's +acquaintance, discovered he knew Greek and Latin, and divined some +mystery was at the back of Morgan's present position.</p> + +<p>The direct result of this acquaintance was that, on the first day of +the next year, Morgan found himself installed as "reader" in a large +firm of printers in Upper Thames street, London, in which a brother of +Mr. Brett was the junior partner. He had thoroughly mastered the +business of proof-reading under Kettering's tuition, and his Greek and +Latin and general culture had done the rest for him, for there was now +scope for all of it in his new position. His salary at starting was +two pounds fifteen shillings per week, the same as that of his +predecessor, who had left the firm voluntarily.</p> + +<p>But even before leaving Dover he had had the satisfaction of being +able to send Helen a few pounds to pay some of the workmen, and she +had been able to make a satisfactory report to him. While she had been +in Scotland a couple of letters had passed between them which sufficed +for all they had to say to each other; and<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 277]</span> to his father as well he +had reported progress from time to time. Simon and Mark Kettering both +exhibited signs of emotion when the moment for parting came, and, +though they were sorry to lose him, rejoiced with him at his promotion.</p> + +<p>"And I can only hope," were Simon's last words, "that my daughter will +never turn up to worry you, and that, even if you forget her, you'll +sometimes think of us folk here at Dover. And, be sure, if you ever +find yourself in the town again, there's a hearty welcome waiting for +you at my house."</p> + +<p>In London, Morgan took a large, airy garret in Southwark, to get from +which to his work he had only to cross the bridge, and fitted it with +a narrow folding-bed and the few things he needed. He made his own +breakfast, had his dinner sent into the works at one o'clock from a +neighboring coffee-shop, had tea made for him by one of the girl +folders, and supped at home on bread and cheese. In this way he +managed to live and to dress neatly—patronising a very different sort +of tailor from his old London one—on a pound a week. Every penny of +the rest he put by rigorously.</p> + +<p>About this time he learnt that his father could not come to town yet, +as the winter was a severe one, and he had had a touch of rheumatism. +As Morgan had come to look forward to seeing him now, this was a +disappointment. Moreover, he had grown to take a keener interest now +in the affairs of the home. At one time it had occupied little part of +his thoughts, but now a finer sensibility to his domestic ties seemed +to have arisen in him. He was very much concerned about this illness +of his father's, the full extent of which, he had an idea, had<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 278]</span> been +concealed from him. Helen, too, he saw but once during his first month +in London, on which occasion he donned his best garments and went to +take tea with her. Though their friendship had been so long passive, +it was not less intense than heretofore. By some mutual instinct they +seemed to avoid discussing his personal concerns now, Helen receiving +him just as an old friend and as if there had been nothing in their +lives to make a special link between them. She seemed to have grown +somewhat graver in expression, and he was not sure that he did not +like her face better like that. She amused and cheered him, and, once +they had come together again, she insisted there was no reason now why +he should not come oftener. And so, on a rare Saturday afternoon, when +he was free, he would come in for an hour and listen to her pleasant +chatting. Only when he brought her money would she permit herself any +reference to his progress in life.</p> + +<p>Of Cleo he heard nothing. She had not made another appearance on the +boards, or, if she had, it had been in some obscure way. She intruded +into his thoughts often enough, and was still a reality to him when he +specially dwelt on her. But he was quite startled one day at suddenly +realising the rapidity with which she was becoming a far-off shadow. +There were moments now when he could almost believe that the whole +episode of his marriage had been the veriest product of his fancy.</p> + +<p>Frequently in the evenings and on rest days he would employ his +leisure wandering amid the regions in which his lot was now cast. For +the first time now he felt the mammoth city as a reality; for the +first time he seemed to comprehend it—what it was and what it +represented.<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 279]</span> In the days when he had trodden these same pavements with +Helen its aspect had been merely panoramic. Now he himself was of it, +a living and breathing unit of the multitude of toilers that peopled +these vast industrial quarters. His vision pierced the swarming +surface, the great grimy thoroughfares with their tramlines, their +miles of sordid shops, their windowed expanse of brick, dingy and +far-stretching, their serried lines of narrow houses.</p> + +<p>And then he would feel that a great sense of the spirit of human life +was passing into his blood. Leaping flashes of light came to him at +times, as he sat in his garret with the fused murmur of the world +surging in his ears, illumining for him abysses that had appeared to +him once dark and bottomless.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 280]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.VI" id="CHAPTER_V.VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h2> + + +<p>It was early in March before Archibald Druce was well enough to come +to town. Morgan's working day ended at seven o'clock, and at that hour +Archibald called at the printing establishment, and the two went off +together.</p> + +<p>Morgan was excited, and he could see his father was. Neither had any +"news," since, in their exchange of letters, everything had already +been told. Still, they talked a little about the home, and then there +were further details of Archibald's illness. Both perhaps felt the +meeting was a trifle cold, but they knew the constraint would melt +away presently.</p> + +<p>"I haven't yet thought how we're going to spend the evening," said the +old man. "We must dine together somewhere. After that we might perhaps +look in at a theatre; it won't matter if we are late."</p> + +<p>Morgan, who had no alternative suggestion to offer, readily fell in +with this one, remarking that the dinner for him would be a rather +magnificent kind of supper.</p> + +<p>They eventually settled on a restaurant and ordered their repast. +Then, somehow, as they sat facing each other, their tongue-strings +seemed to get loosened.</p> + +<p>It was a long time since they had last met, and Archibald, who had +been full of his book then, now confessed he had put it aside for the +present. For several months past his mind had not been in sufficiently +fresh condition to enable him to work on it. Morgan remembered now<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 281]</span> how +he had suggested a title for it half in scorn, and even such small +remembrance was painful to him. He felt he had had something very like +contempt for his father's literary scheme, forgetting, in the +self-castigation of the moment, that at the time it had merely struck +him humourously, and that his sin had not been quite so heinous as it +now appeared to him. If the element of humour now coloured his vision +of things but very slightly, that was only natural to his present +stage of development.</p> + +<p>They lingered over their coffee, not rising till about half-past +eight.</p> + +<p>"Suppose you just come and sit with me in my room, father," said +Morgan. "If we have to decide on a theatre now, I am afraid we shall +be quarrelling the rest of the evening. Besides, I do not want to +acquire the habits of a young man about town. We can have a quiet talk +for the rest of the evening."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I should like to see your place," said his father. "It will +enable me to judge of your powers of graphic description."</p> + +<p>He was beginning to be more cheerful already and to show it. He took +Morgan's arm affectionately, and they went back to Upper Thames street +and crossed Southwark Bridge.</p> + +<p>"I hope the woman hasn't forgotten to lay the fire," said Morgan, as +he turned the key.</p> + +<p>A moment later he had lighted the cheap lamp and the room stood +revealed in all its bareness. A small table, three wooden chairs, the +little bed, a trunk in the corner, and a washstand, were insufficient +to make it look furnished, garret as it was.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 282]</span>"I recognise the place," said Archibald, depositing his things on the +trunk. "It's quite large and airy. You are lucky to have only the +front walls sloping. But the window gives you a back view, so perhaps +I ought to have said 'back walls.'"</p> + +<p>Morgan lighted the fire, and the two sat down before it.</p> + +<p>"What have you in that cupboard just by you?" asked Archibald. "I feel +inquisitive. I must get up and poke about.... Coals and crockery," he +enumerated with slow unction, "a saucepan, a coffee-pot, a tea-pot, a +broom, and some exceedingly dirty dusters. My dear Morgan, what a +wonderfully compact place you have here; it's a miracle of +completeness."</p> + +<p>"I've given up coffee at night, but I make excellent cocoa. You shall +have some before you go."</p> + +<p>"Capital!" said the old fellow. "I'm enjoying myself immensely. This +is quite a picnic."</p> + +<p>"I am quite comfortable here," said Morgan, half to himself.</p> + +<p>"There's only one suggestion I have to make," said his progenitor, +"and that is you ought to have just a strip of carpet under your feet, +or a small rug would do just as well. Last year at home, now, I had +the carpet taken out of the drawing-room, in favour of a polished +floor, but, Lord bless you, I found myself doing nothing else but +sneezing, in spite of the odd rugs, for in a drawing-room you don't +just happen to think where you're standing. But here when you just sit +down at your table or by your fire it would be so easy to take care +you've got the thing underfoot. I must send you<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 283]</span> a rug to-morrow—you +know I owe you a birthday present."</p> + +<p>"Birthday present! I had forgotten there were such things in the +world. Thank you for reminding me, father. Such gifts, when they are +sincere, add sweetness to life. And it will be nice to have something +of yours here."</p> + +<p>The fire blazed up cheerfully. They sat a little while in silence.</p> + +<p>"When do you calculate you will get those debts paid off?" asked +Archibald at length.</p> + +<p>"Within three years, if all goes well," said Morgan. "I make a lot +extra sometimes, now. I did a little article for a magazine we print +and a little work for another journal. I am friendly with both +editors. Besides, my salary may improve. In fact, my hopes at starting +have been far exceeded."</p> + +<p>"And after that?" asked Archibald, looking at him with unconcealed +anxiety. It was evident it was a question he had been wanting to ask. +Morgan hesitated a moment, though his answer was ready.</p> + +<p>"After that I see no reason why I should not follow along the same +lines. I shall be on the high road to build up a career for myself, +and I have a feeling that I shall eventually branch off into +journalism, where all the knowledge and experience I shall have gained +will be of use to me."</p> + +<p>"Tell me, Morgan," said Archibald. "Have you abandoned your first +ambition entirely?"</p> + +<p>Morgan leaned forward towards the fire and rested his head on his +hands. For a moment he seemed lost in meditation, and then at last +spoke slowly.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 284]</span>"There are times," he said, "when poetry still beats in my blood, when +melody comes to me hauntingly. Often, as I sit here brooding, there +surges up a full flood of I know not what, save that it is exquisitely +beautiful. And, as I walk through these long, grey streets, lined with +flaring market-stalls and massed thick with people, I seem to feel a +great throb, a living heart-beat, that speaks to me of humanity; and +what these bustling streets hold of humanness, of the warmth and +energy of life, comes to me like a flowing tide. The pain, too, I +feel; for there are odd, pathetic episodes. One catches sight of faces +pinched, starved, unrebellious, large-eyed children of six a-marketing +shrewdly with slender purses; and now and then a figure detaches +itself from the crowd and speaks a whole history. If there is much +pain and privation, much foulness and wickedness, there is also much +of the joy of life, of the ecstacy of overflowing animal spirits. +There are plague-spots, there are besotted critical jeerers at the +wayside with an aggressive sense of superiority to all unlike +themselves; there are half-grown lads and girls boisterously +foul-mouthed. But probe beneath the large, vigorous unrestraint, the +rollicking vagabondage of the streets, and you will find the +far-spread, steady—if colourless—respectability of the industrial +family. And at moments something grand, rugged, and passionate, a +roaring harmonic discord, seems to sweep though the reeking grime, +through the swarming boisterousness, through the magnificent +brutality, through the utterance of putrid tongues, through the grey, +lamp-lit atmospheres, as though man and his activities were but the +swirled symbols of a music played in high Heaven. And as I stand +list<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 285]</span>ening, terrified yet thrilled, there seems to come a sudden lull; +and then I perceive a goodness showing through the +rough-and-readiness, sometimes blurred in the individual lives, +sometimes inspired to a full glow. Often its leaps and flickerings are +irregular, inconsistent, unpredictable. In the ruffian the spark is +scarcely alive, but in some rare moment it will quicken and show +through tremblingly.</p> + +<p>"And all these perceptions to which I was blind before have wrought +their effect on me. They have fused into and strengthened the better +part of me. They make poetry in me, not such as I once wrote, but a +full-blooded, living poetry. You see, father, I have drawn inspiration +from all this reality. I have felt the true spirit of the universe in +this dense-packed encampment on the march of civilisation, this living +pattern in Time's kaleidoscope; the same spirit that lies behind the +green country and the sweet airs, behind a great idea, a noble deed, a +gracious woman.</p> + +<p>"And so I feel that I am fortified enough to defy all external +sordidness. The soiled lime-washed walls, the heavy grind of +machinery, and the tinged breath of the printing-house I am insensible +to; and with this result I am satisfied. I will not take up my harp +wherewith to gather harmonies from amid the discords of things, as I +feel it is in me to do. If such dream comes to me at times I know it +must remain a dream, for I must continue with my shoulder to the wheel +and do my full share of human labour!"</p> + +<p>He broke off. An almost sacred stillness followed his half-mused +speech, to which Archibald had listened with bent head.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 286]</span>"Will you forgive me, dear Morgan, if I remind you of something?" said +the old man, breaking the long silence. "I feel you are the best judge +of your own life, and I do not mean to say a word that should make you +imagine I am trying to interfere with you. I only want to ask you not +to forget that we at home have claims upon you as well. We want to +have you near us a little, too. Your mother has been fretting about +you of late."</p> + +<p>"My mother!" said Morgan. "Is she aware of my existence? She never +cared about me."</p> + +<p>"But she cares about you now. Won't you come home to us when you are +through this—in three years' time, say?" pleaded the old man. "Your +end will have been achieved, you will feel sure of yourself by then. +And, to tell the truth, Morgan, I've set my heart on—your being a +great poet."</p> + +<p>Archibald looked down almost guiltily as he spoke.</p> + +<p>Morgan had a consciousness of the strange, complete reversion of the +position the years had brought about.</p> + +<p>"I could never, never consent not to live by my own labour," he said, +giving utterance to what, at the moment, he intensely felt to be the +one essential condition of existence for him.</p> + +<p>"Come now, surely we can get over that difficulty," said Archibald +eagerly. "I take it it is immaterial to you what work you do, so long +as it is of a kind in which you can employ your faculties. After all, +the principal point in your present occupation is the discipline it +affords and the habits of mind it is forming in you; all of which +could be employed in some other direction. It would simply be a matter +of your mastering a different set of facts for the different +employment, which you could do<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 287]</span> very quickly. Why not accept a position +in the bank? That would afford you an honorable livelihood, and it +would help you to be near us. Then perhaps some day, when you feel you +have lived down the old mistakes, you may be inspired to take up your +pen again. Mistakes! Why should they kill for ever the first fresh +ambition of your life? Mistakes! I made them, too, when I was young. +So has every man who is worth his salt. Of course, there's one mistake +you can't undo—you don't mind my alluding to it, Morgan. But if you +continue to face it as you are doing now—my God, Morgan! you are +suffering!"</p> + +<p>Archibald groaned heavily, then checked himself and put on as cheerful +a face as he could muster.</p> + +<p>"I meant to have proved to you," he continued, "that you scarcely take +a scientific—I had almost said an intelligent—view of your function +in life. The desire to live by your own labour is actuated by the very +proper feeling that you ought to be doing your duty in the social +organism. Your present work is equal to, say, three respectable pairs +of boots a week. That, you will admit, is a fair measure of your +utility. Now, if by becoming a great poet, you could give pleasure and +delight to thousands of your fellow-men, it seems to me your utility +would be fairly represented by quite a considerable number of pairs of +boots, and very respectable ones, too."</p> + +<p>"How it would have delighted me to hear you argue like that when I was +a boy," almost whispered Morgan. "Forgive me, father," he added +immediately. "I did not mean any reproach."</p> + +<p>"I admit my not arguing in that way at the time was one of my +mistakes. But I am sure you will yet be a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 288]</span> great man. For the present, +however, I shall be content with your assurance that you'll come back +to the bank eventually. Gradually, perhaps, you'll fall thence into +the vocation you were born for."</p> + +<p>"I think I can promise so far as the bank is concerned," said Morgan, +slowly.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said his father and bent down to warm his hands in the +flames, so that the light shone on his face.</p> + +<p>There was a silence. Scarcely a sound came to them here in this +lonely, bare garret. Morgan studied his father's face anxiously. How +silvery was the hair in places; and there were lines that had not been +there a year before. Both these signs seemed to accuse him louder than +any words.</p> + +<p>"Father," he cried, "let me come closer to you."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 289]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.VII" id="CHAPTER_V.VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h2> + + +<p>The next evening Morgan sat pretending to be reading a book, his feet +sedulously planted on a new Turkey rug, which struck a startling note +of colour and decoration amid the bleakness of the attic. At last he +closed the volume and let it fall wearily on his knee. The visit of +his father had tried him severely. He had been shaken by a storm of +emotion, and it had left him somewhat shattered. And now that +Archibald had departed, an aching sense of loneliness had come to him +such as only comes to the man who lives thus isolated. He had been +able to leave his work for an hour in the middle of the day, so that, +including his usual dinner interval, he had passed two hours in his +father's company and seen him to his train. The old man had been +miserable in town; he couldn't bear to be so near Morgan yet cut off +from him all day, and, since he was far from well and needed the +comforts of his own home, it was decided between them he should go at +once.</p> + +<p>At last Morgan threw down the book impatiently. He walked round the +room for a time, but could not rid himself of his restlessness. "My +soul is sick," he repeated again and again. "I need my friends." He +poked the fire and threw more coal on; he looked for awhile through +the panes of the window into the vague blackness of the March night. +And at last he bethought himself of getting ready his evening meal, +merely for the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 290]</span> sake of concentrating himself on something. Just as he +was on the point of opening the cupboard, into which his father had +pried so jocularly, there came a timid tap at the door.</p> + +<p>"Come in!" he cried, not quite certain that there <i>was</i> anybody there.</p> + +<p>As his invitation seemed to be complied with, he instinctively turned +his head to view his visitor, who stood just within the door smiling +at him.</p> + +<p>"What! Margaret!" he cried, as his head almost swam.</p> + +<p>She closed the door softly and advanced into the room.</p> + +<p>"I've just come to pay you a visit, Morgan," she said laughingly. +"Please say it was nice of me to come. What! Aren't you going to shake +hands with one of your oldest friends?"</p> + +<p>He was not quite sure that his brain hadn't given way, and that her +presence was not a mere manifestation of the fact. He had never been +able to trust himself sufficiently to go near the Medhursts. +Sedulously keeping to the London south of the river and to the +immediate vicinity of his work—save on his rare visits to Belgrave +Square—he had run but little risk of encountering any of them or, +indeed, any other acquaintances. He was aware the Medhursts knew he +was in London and employed by a large firm, but they had never been +told the exact details of his whereabouts. However, he found himself +shaking hands with Margaret but too bewildered to say anything.</p> + +<p>"What a strange expression in your face, Morgan! It seems to ask any +number of questions, but I can't make out whether it looks pleased or +angry. At least be polite<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 291]</span> enough to make me welcome. It's nice and +warm in here, so I think I'd better take my jacket off."</p> + +<p>"You don't give me time to recover my breath, Margaret. Of course, you +are more than welcome, but I am not good enough for you to visit. +Come, take a chair by the fire."</p> + +<p>"You not good enough! It is simply wicked of you to talk like that. +But why are you rubbing your eyes? I believe you think I'm a phantom."</p> + +<p>She removed her jacket and also her hat, instinctively throwing them, +as Archibald had done the evening before, across the trunk. Then she +smiled at him again in lovely reassurance that she was real flesh and +blood. She had on a soft woollen dress of that favourite silver-blue +in which she always looked her best. She wore a bunch of +forget-me-nots at her waist, and a little knot of the same flowers at +her <ins class="correction" title="Original reads 'thoat'.">throat</ins> was fastened with a small, lyre-shaped brooch, set with +pearls. There was just a touch of creamy lace at her wrists and +throat, and what dainty little tendrils of golden hair lay on her +forehead!</p> + +<p>"Your chair is very hard," she exclaimed, jumping up almost +immediately. "I think I'll sit on the bed instead."</p> + +<p>"You won't find that much better," he said, drawn into good humour by +her briskness, and charmed that so exquisite a presence should grace +his attic.</p> + +<p>"It's miles better," said Margaret. "But you still look puzzled. Isn't +your ingenuity equal to the task of guessing how I found you out?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know, unless Diana's old sweetheart paid you a visit +yesterday," he answered smiling, as he spread the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 292]</span> new rug under her +feet. "But he certainly said nothing to me about it this afternoon +when I saw him off."</p> + +<p>"He was probably afraid to let you know he'd been weak enough to yield +to our blandishments. I had an idea you were living in a garret—the +garret always seems to put a sort of hall-mark on genius. It's a very +nice garret, too. I like mine better, though—it's a lump larger."</p> + +<p>If the pure pleasure of being near her began to predominate, it was +certainly not unaccompanied by the pain that was always with him +because of his vain love for her; so that his entire feeling was a +rather mixed and undecided one. He could not quite abandon himself to +gladness at her coming, and perhaps the very unexpectedness of it +aided this emotional embarrassment.</p> + +<p>"Have you been working much of late?" he asked, that being a natural +question to follow her reference to her studio. He was, indeed, +relieved that the conversation had got on so definite a tack and that +she had not alluded to his avoidance of her family or reproached him +for it.</p> + +<p>"I'm just doing a little group of greyhounds. I'm going to exhibit +them at the Academy. It's such a bother and such fun, too! I've got +over the worst part now. The big mother and two little ones playing at +the side of her make twelve legs and three tails—quite a forest of +them. I had no end of trouble to get a good composition. But the chief +bother was with the models. The dog would never keep still, and I had +to keep on moving my wax figure just as it moved. Sometimes it would +turn upside down, and then I had to turn my<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 293]</span> work upside down as well. +Do you know what I should like to do, Morgan?"</p> + +<p>"I don't, but I should like to."</p> + +<p>"I wonder if you'd let me make a bust of you! I want to very much."</p> + +<p>"Why?" he asked, without meaning that exactly, but only by way of +surprised exclamation.</p> + +<p>"Well," she smiled, "I just want to. I could have an old bench brought +up here and a lot of clay. If you sat to me, say, for a couple of +hours every Sunday morning, you'd begin to recognise yourself after a +time."</p> + +<p>He was powerless to refuse. With her speaking to him, he became as +passive as the clay she moulded. He knew her power; perhaps that was +why his instinct had led him to elude it.</p> + +<p>"That is really good of you, dear Morgan," she exclaimed, while her +eyes sparkled with honest delight.</p> + +<p>Time was, perhaps, when seeing her thus he might have taken her hand.</p> + +<p>"But don't look as if you already regretted making the promise," she +went on to protest. "I assure you it won't hurt a bit; not any more +than having your hair cut. By the way, why do you wear your hair so +short? Oughtn't a poet to have long, noble locks? They come out very +effectively in clay, those long, noble locks. I hope I'm not making +your bed too hard. Come now, Morgan, are you still so heavy-hearted? +What can I do to make you merry?"</p> + +<p>"Take supper with me," he responded quickly, with an atoning flash of +briskness, the while he upbraided himself for oppressing her with his +dejection. "It will be a real Bohemian supper."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 294]</span>"How nice! I'm dying with hunger."</p> + +<p>"In here, I mean," he explained. "I make my own supper."</p> + +<p>"I know. We heard all about the inside of that cupboard."</p> + +<p>"You won't mind sitting on the hard chair?"</p> + +<p>"No. What's the menu?"</p> + +<p>"Bread and cheese and——"</p> + +<p>"Not beer, I hope," she interrupted hastily.</p> + +<p>"And cocoa," he finished. "Do you mind keeping house here for two +minutes whilst I run down to get the milk. We have a dairy two doors +away."</p> + +<p>He returned in a moment and she helped him to set out the table, for +which there was no cloth.</p> + +<p>"This chair <i>is</i> hard," she said again later, when she had been seated +on it some little time. "I must send you a soft chair, Morgan. I +haven't given you a birthday present this year."</p> + +<p>"Indeed, you must not. Such luxuries are out of place here, and you +ought not to try to spoil me."</p> + +<p>"But, dear Morgan, you've a lovely rug, and I'm sure you ought to have +a nice chair to keep it company. You've your guests to think of now. I +must have something to sit on when I come and so must your papa. I'm +willing to admit my suggestion was not quite a disinterested one; in +fact, I'm prepared to be perfectly unscrupulous so long as I carry my +point."</p> + +<p>"I'd better yield before you get so far as that. Only, of course, the +chair shall be used exclusively for my visitors."</p> + +<p>"Oh, you must sit on it sometimes, as well."</p> + +<p>"Well, let us not quarrel about it."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 295]</span>"Of course we're not going to quarrel about it. We're going to be the +best of friends now, aren't we?"</p> + +<p>"I never dared dream——" he began.</p> + +<p>"Dreaming hasn't anything to do with it. It really isn't at all +necessary, so the omission need not count. All along I've had the +feeling as if you were thrusting me back away from your life, and I +have always wanted to count for something in it, if ever so little. +Won't you let me now be of some help to you? It is wicked of you to +continue in this terrible solitude. I feel that you've promised to let +me come here and model you really against your will; don't deny it, +Morgan—your face spoke only too plainly. I should be standing here +and talking to you, but you would be as solitary as if I had never +come. I want to break down that stupid barrier between us; I want you +to believe in me, to trust me and to show me you trust me."</p> + +<p>"It is myself I dare not trust. Such a friendship needs strength, and +I am not strong enough, Margaret."</p> + +<p>"Then you must find the strength, Morgan. Weakness is an unmanly +excuse, and you are a man."</p> + +<p>"You talk like that because you still do not realise what it means for +me to—to——"</p> + +<p>He hesitated.</p> + +<p>"Go on," she said. "I am strong enough to listen."</p> + +<p>There was a silence, but she knew he was collecting his scattered +forces.</p> + +<p>"To be friends with you," he went on determinedly. "You say that I +kept you at arm's length. That is true. But then you don't know what +my life has been—you never did really know even when we were close +together."</p> + +<p>"Tell me then, Morgan. Make me understand why<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 296]</span> you kept me at arm's +length. I do not know how you came to marry so suddenly, what woman +you married, or why she left you. I want to know all about her. Tell +me, if it doesn't hurt you too much. Perhaps it will hurt you less +after you have told me."</p> + +<p>"I have kept you at arm's length, Margaret, because I loved you. I am +struggling now to keep you at arm's length because I still love you. +Dare you stay here and listen to me after that?"</p> + +<p>She looked him straight in the face.</p> + +<p>"I dare, Morgan. I want you to know me as well as to love me. If you +had understood me, you would neither have thrust me back nor would you +be struggling to do so now. You no doubt always considered me just a +pretty girl, who thought and acted always as becomes what it called a +young lady; a colourless, conventional creature, without any judgment +or emotions of her own; just a white sheet of paper with a name +written across in beautiful lettering; a simpering thing in petticoats +who must smile and blush just at the right moments and be perfectly +proper at all times; who must never act unless she has a fixed rule to +guide her; who is supposed to understand nothing at all of real life; +for whom human beings are reduced to a strange uniformity, the men in +their evening dress so simple, so nice, so attentive, so easy to +understand, the women—but then such a young person is not supposed to +concern herself with the women. That, I'm sure, is the sort of girl I +appeared to you, Morgan. I am sorry that, so far, I cannot take your +love for me as a compliment. You saw me as a painter might see a +model, and perhaps you enshrined my image as a sort of poetic fancy. +You loved me as<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 297]</span> an unreal spirit. But I am not what you thought me; I +am a real person. I can think and judge for myself, and I can be +myself. That is why I have had the courage to come here to you, and +had I known earlier where you were I should have forced this interview +on you long ago. And this despite the fact that you are married, that +you love me and that I—love you. I have the courage to face the +occasion, to outrage convention where convention makes no provision +for the needs of the particular occasion. I know that, despite all, we +can be very dear friends. Only trust me a little, Morgan, learn to +know me better, and I am sure you will trust me altogether. Make an +effort to be strong and perhaps I may help you."</p> + +<p>And so Morgan poured himself out to her, told her all; and, if at +times he faltered, she bade him go on, she would not blush.</p> + +<p>The recital was a long one. Interruptions and discussions were +frequent; they were also making pretence to sup. Neither remembered +the flight of time.</p> + +<p>"Of course, I have known the bare facts for a long time," said +Margaret, "but only in a very vague way and in a very puzzling one. +There was so much left to my imagination, and it bothered me so much +to fill up the blanks. And so you are working to pay off her debts. I +know it feels awfully nice to earn money for one's self. Do you know +that I'm quite rich. Guess how much I made last year by my modelling?"</p> + +<p>"How much?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Eighty-seven pounds, after paying all my expenses," she exclaimed. "I +wanted to pay for my own frocks, but papa wouldn't let me. And so +I've got it all and I<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 298]</span> don't know what to do with it; at least I know +what I should like to do with it."</p> + +<p>"But surely papa wouldn't disapprove of your doing what you liked with +it?"</p> + + +<p>"Oh, papa wouldn't disapprove," she said, colouring a little, "but I'm +afraid you would."</p> + +<p>"I? You're not intending to buy me a silver chair with jewels set in +it, are you?"</p> + +<p>"I thought you might pay some of those debts with the money and let me +be your creditor instead," she said hesitatingly. "Of course, you +would pay me back as you saved enough, just as you are doing now with +the others. And it would be a sort of symbol of the new footing on +which we start from to-day."</p> + +<p>"Dear Margaret," he said, "please don't try and press that on me. It +won't help me in the least, as you see yourself. Besides, what need +have we of a symbol? I want you to believe in the new footing just as +much without it. And then," he added, in a gayer note, "there is +another reason why I can't allow you to have such ideas. Heroines +always do that sort of thing, and it's quite too conventional for +you."</p> + +<p>She laughed and did not persist, though she had coloured still more. +And just then she bethought herself of the hour and drew forth her +tiny watch.</p> + +<p>"This is being wicked with a vengeance!" she exclaimed. "I really must +be going back."</p> + +<p>"You must let me come with you, else I shall be nervous all night and +my hair may be grey by the morning."</p> + +<p>"Part of the excitement of the adventure was to come<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 299]</span> alone and to go +alone. But as I can't have your hair turning grey——"</p> + +<p>"Do they know at home where you were going?" he asked, as he helped +her on with her jacket.</p> + +<p>"I didn't tell them, but I dare say they'll guess, and I mean to let +them know anyway. I'm going to leave you these," and she unfastened +the bunch of forget-me-nots and put them on the table.</p> + +<p>He saw her to her own door; it was long since he had set foot in +Wimpole street. She gave him a long comrade's hand-clasp, saying: "We +had a charming Bohemian supper. You have made me happier to-night than +I have been for years."</p> + +<p>He turned away as she rang the bell and he walked all the way back to +Southwark. Now that he had taken her into his life at last, he seemed +to have unburdened himself of some overwhelming weight. Margaret knew +everything at last, understood everything, and loved him through all. +His self-distrust had made him keep himself hidden from the Medhursts, +but she had helped him to find and know his own strength. She was +right. He was strong enough to accept her friendship.</p> + +<p>Though he would have to be at his desk at the usual hour in the +morning, he could not go to bed at once. The flowers she had left +seemed to fill the room with sweetness. And something of lightness and +fragrance seemed to remain with him, to be flitting here and there +with the silence of a phantom, to be hovering in the air, to be +bending over him, to be nestling close to him. Then, as he closed his +eyes dreamily, Margaret seemed to float before him. He was aware of +her eyes, her hair,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 300]</span> her voice; he saw her just as she had sat there +with her face and hands showing exquisite against the silver-blue of +her dress, and the forget-me-nots at her throat and waist.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 301]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.VIII" id="CHAPTER_V.VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h2> + + +<p>In the autumn of the third year of Morgan's engagement with the Upper +Thames street firm of printers he found himself with enough money to +pay off the balance due to his one remaining creditor. There had been +a good deal of method displayed in the order in which he had enjoined +Helen to settle the debts, and this particular firm had been left to +the last because it had received a goodly sum in the first days when +Cleo was using up their ready money.</p> + +<p>It was Saturday, and he had just got away from the works. He had been +intending to take this last instalment to Helen that very afternoon; +but the idea came to him that he would rather enjoy the sensation of +making this last payment in person, and he proceeded immediately to +act on it.</p> + +<p>Arrived at the business place of the firm, he explained to a clerk +that he wished to clear off an old matter, and recalled the occasion +to him. The man looked surprised, and went to consult his principal. +An old ledger had to be looked up, and then Morgan was informed the +account had been settled very shortly after the closing of the +theatre. The principal now remembered the circumstances perfectly. A +cheque had come from a certain firm of solicitors in the West End, +much to his surprise. After some further searching the clerk was able +to tell Morgan who these solicitors were.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 302]</span>This last piece of information simply corroborated what he had at once +suspected. Helen had carried out, without consulting him, the very +same suggestion that Margaret had once made to him, and was keeping +the sums he had been sending her from time to time. He understood, +though, that she must have done it mainly for the sake of the actors +and workpeople.</p> + +<p>He said nothing to her of his discovery when he called at Belgrave +Square a couple of hours later, but just handed her the money, which +she quietly placed in a drawer of her escritoire.</p> + +<p>"And now I have to congratulate you, Morgan," she said. "You have +shown the stuff you are made of. Tell me, how does it feel?"</p> + +<p>"I feel extraordinarily light-hearted," he admitted.</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry," she said, and looked it.</p> + +<p>He stared at her.</p> + +<p>"There is a story of a hungry peasant gorging himself on bread and +cheese, and, when he couldn't eat any more, they brought in the +stuffed geese and other delicacies."</p> + +<p>"Well?"</p> + +<p>"Stupid! the stuffed geese and other delicacies have yet to come in. +If the coarser part of the feast has made you so joyful, the rest will +be wasted on you to-day."</p> + +<p>"I feel more stupid than ever. Still, my capacities for storing away +joy are unlimited, and, what is more, I shall appreciate every crumb."</p> + +<p>"Very well." She took up a journal from the table near her. "Let me +read you this paragraph: 'In the course of the coming session an +extraordinary case will be reached in the Divorce Courts. The +petitioner is a lady of title belonging to one of the noblest and +oldest<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 303]</span> families in the kingdom, and the respondent is a well-known +novelist and dramatist. The parties were married barely three years +back and the wedding was much discussed at the time. It is rumoured +that facts of a strange and sensational character are likely to come +to light at the trial, and the occasion will not be the first one on +which the petitioner has figured in the same Court.'"</p> + +<p>She passed him the paper—it was a gossippy society weekly—and he +read the paragraph again. For a moment quick vague flashes seemed to +rise in his brain as from a vain attempt to strike a flint; then light +came to him.</p> + +<p>"Ingram and Cleo," he cried. "She went back to him!"</p> + +<p>"Precisely," smiled Helen. "You will remember my lamenting I could not +be the good fairy of your life, because things were already destined +to work themselves out for your happiness. You see now I was a true +prophet."</p> + +<p>But a sort of dizziness came to him on account of his stumbling +efforts to think, to trace the significance of things.</p> + +<p>"Don't faint, please. I'm only a helpless woman, and I'm sure I +couldn't rise to the occasion. Perhaps I've been too precipitate. I've +made you swallow the whole stuffed goose at once."</p> + +<p>"I'm not so sure that my personal life is going to be affected by it," +he began.</p> + +<p>"Stuff and nonsense!" she cried. "Your proceedings will be reduced to +the utmost simplicity. There will be no defence at all. I have been, +watching affairs<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 304]</span> patiently for three years now, and what has happened +was bound to come. Do you know who sent your Cleo those bank-notes she +had at Dover? Do you know where she went directly after leaving you? +There is a certain house in Hampstead you know quite well. It has a +room in it with a fountain, and really pretty hanging lamps, and +peacocks on the windows. Well, she immediately took repossession of +it. And very glad her rightful lord and master was to have her back +again! The distraction of his affections by the engrossing interest of +ambitious matrimonial schemes had been only temporary. As for his +wife—well, about the living one should be silent unless one has +something nice to say. Therefore I'll say nothing about her. Before +long, Morgan, you'll be a free man, and a certain chapter of your life +will be erased. Fox & Kraft are an excellent firm of +solicitors—almost a pity to employ such steam-hammers to crack such a very simple nut."</p> + +<p>"You are going along much too fast, Helen. You know I am leaving Upper +Thames street next week; it is an old promise made to my father. I +must consult him first. Of course, I shall be glad to have this +meaningless tie that binds me to Cleo cut right through, and for ever. +But I do not care to let my happiness rest on such a basis. Margaret +and I shall remain friends and nothing more."</p> + +<p>"Stuff and nonsense!" she cried again. "Your father is too wise a man +not to agree with me. And so I am quite content you shall abide by his +counsel. Otherwise I'd have to force you into happiness even if I had +to do it by threatening suicide, and you know my threats are not idle +ones."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 305]</span>"I shall be guided by my father," he conceded. "But don't overwhelm me +so much, please. My emotions at this moment are much too complex for +my understanding."</p> + +<p>"Then let me give you some tea. It will put all your notions—and your +emotions—in order."</p> + +<p>The tea certainly did soothe him. He had never known that the beverage +could be so delicious.</p> + +<p>"How did you find out about Ingram and Cleo?" he asked suddenly.</p> + +<p>"Oh, that was very easy. The moment I heard she had bank-notes I had a +very strong suspicion of the truth. As I was eager to learn whether I +could be your good fairy, I had that house watched. When my suspicions +were corroborated I waltzed round my room sixteen times, and, you may +be sure, I was determined never to lose sight of your Cleo for a +moment. But my task was not a difficult one. That delightful room +seems to have been as fatal to her imagination as she was to yours. +She made some desperate attempts to leave it; twice she crossed to +America and made obscure appearances on the boards, and once she +sojourned in Paris for several months. But all in vain—she <i>had</i> to +go back and sit on her gilded couch. Do you know, I rather like her; +after all, she has never tried to turn to account her connection with +you, Morgan. She's no mere vulgar adventuress. There's something +really taking about her. But I'd like to slap her sisters. When do you +leave for the country?"</p> + +<p>"A fortnight hence, I hope," said Morgan. "But I am rather vague about +what immediately is going to follow. In a general way it is understood +that I am to<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 306]</span> work in the bank, which is precisely what I refused to do +thirteen years ago."</p> + +<p>"Thirteen years! That is a good stretch out of a life," said Helen, +with a half sigh, "Time flies. I scarcely realise that I am thirty-six +already. And the years seem to bring nothing but perplexity and +embarrassment at the increase of my fortune. It is perfectly +meaningless and absurd to me, this monstrous fortune. I feel I haven't +any right to it; though, as I derive no happiness from it, that +feeling ought not to give me very much concern. Happiness depends on +one's personal relations with others—a few others, that is—and +though I shake hands with a vast crowd, I have no close personal +relations; not, at least, in the sense in which I understand the +phrase. A sort of subtle fusion must accompany. I should have +preferred to leave my fortune to you, Morgan, but I knew you wouldn't +like to benefit by my death, so I have disposed of it otherwise."</p> + +<p>He looked hard at her.</p> + +<p>"Why this sudden lugubriousness?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Well," she said enigmatically, and the enigma was repeated in the +accompanying shrug of her shoulders.</p> + +<p>He seemed, however, to pierce beyond the smiling placidity of her +expression, and to be aware of something that chilled him, of +something that seemed to say: "There are such things as broken +hearts."</p> + +<p>"You've never had the life you deserved to have, Helen," he cried.</p> + +<p>"There have been those who have envied me. My biography would read +like a record of every earthly happiness. I am the daughter of a rich +country gentleman with whom I have always been on the best of terms, +only<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 307]</span> agriculture bores me rather. I was presented to my sovereign at +seventeen. I danced and rode and flirted and was supposed to be having +a good time, and a Baronet thought he fell in love with me, and did +really marry me. I have always had a big house, a big income, a +position in society. What more can a woman want? Well, all these +things do not constitute the personal life. The remembrance of the +whole course of my personal life is a vivid one to me, and it seems to +have run through all these things like a thin thread of silver through +a mass of stuff. Looking back, this swirl of the social world, its +functions, its movements, the acquaintanceships it brought me, seem to +me all strangely unreal. I seem to be aware of a large, swarming +vision, amid which I have lived. But nothing of it has ever in-mingled +with my real sense of happiness or misery. Fortune, society—these are +not the essentials. The essentials are the same for all ranks, and it +is on those that personal happiness depends. Up to the age of +twenty-five even a clever girl may delude herself into thinking that +the hearty fun and enjoyment she may be extracting from her +circumstances and her position in the world are really what make +happiness, but if she have real brains, a clear vision and quick +sympathies, she will inevitably stifle in her atmosphere of mere +pleasure. She will not continue to set store on her material +advantages, on the stage accessories by which she may be surrounded. +She will long for something else—and most often not get it. If I had +only been penniless and had loved and married a man who had all his +fighting to do yet! I should have lived beside him, conscious of being +helpful, of being valued for what my companionship meant to him,<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 308]</span> with +a sense of my dignity and worth as a human being. Instead, I was born +rich, I married a man who had no fighting to do, and so I was a mere +mate to him. I was but a child and there was no one to warn me. +Everybody about me was stupid, enslaved to ideas that are rotten at +the core! We dangle baubles before our children and poison the fresh, +pure fount of humanity. Thus it is I have been a waste and useless +force in the world. If it had only been decreed to me to have children +of my own, I feel sure I should have been a better woman than I am."</p> + +<p>Her voice died away in a strange sweet murmur. In her face there came +a look as of holy meditation; her eyes shone with a light of yearning.</p> + +<p>"I am tired of England," she resumed in a moment. "I shall be going +away before long. I want to find some secluded spot near a lovely +Italian lake, where I may stay and rest indefinitely. Perhaps for +years, for I am very tired. I shall wait till I see your happiness +completed, Morgan, even though this may be our last meeting. Till then +I dare not go; you are not to be trusted to take the happiness that is +within your grasp. You know I claim to be a connoisseur of women, and +I am perfectly satisfied that you shall marry your Margaret. That is +the highest compliment I could pay her. There is that indefinable, +unseizable something in her face which reveals the whole personality, +and it won me immediately. We have met three or four times now, but, +of course, I do not figure sufficiently in her consciousness that she +should mention me specially to you. One thing I am grateful to you +for, that you are respecting my wish that she should not know we have +ever been<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 309]</span> friends. After all, I am only a sort of imaginary figure to +whom you come and talk, and I haven't really counted in your life. You +know I have a weakness for mysticism, and I like to think of myself as +a sort of phantom that just accompanied you on your way a little and +perhaps helped you a little at a critical moment and then disappeared. +So promise me Margaret shall never, never know."</p> + +<p>"She knows everything but that," he replied. "It hurts me to make the +promise, but I understand why you wish me to. Besides, I must look on +this one reservation from her as the penalty—the lingering symbol of +the past. But there is now one thing I should like to mention, Helen, +and that is, I want to recur to that money, the five hundred pounds I +borrowed of you. You see I have tasted blood."</p> + +<p>"When you feel you can spare the money, dear Morgan, I should wish you +to do some good work with it. Seek out those who may need it—a +struggling student, a starving poet, a brave orphaned boy or girl +toiling to support the younger children. Save some human being from +despair, and restore his faith and hope. That is the best repayment +you could make me. And now there is one thing I should like to ask +you. Do you think——"</p> + +<p>She hesitated. His look bade her continue.</p> + +<p>"Well," she continued, smiling a little. "I was going to ask you to +kiss me—a real kiss—if you thought your Margaret could spare me one. +You have never given me a real kiss, Morgan, and it would be for the +last time."</p> + +<p>She looked down almost demurely. For sole reply he<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 310]</span> took her in his +arms and their lips came together. Gently she disengaged herself at +length; and, as the hot tears fell from his eyes, he felt impelled to +fall on his knees and cover his face with his hands.</p> + +<p>When he looked up again he was alone in the room. His sobs broke forth +afresh as he divined why she had left him.</p> + +<p>A moment later he stole from the house.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'>[Pg 311]</span></p> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V.IX" id="CHAPTER_V.IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h2> + + +<p>The bell rang again and the passengers' gangway was hauled up on to +the pier. Morgan leaned against the deck-rail and looked westwards +towards a point where the Dover cliff rose highest and then swept +round. It was at that spot had begun the new ordering of his life +which had at last culminated in the great happiness of to-day.</p> + +<p>On a deck-chair close by his elbow sat Margaret. As he shifted his +position a little his eye caught sight of a dainty ear and a soft +cheek, gleaming exquisite through her veil against the golden brown of +her large velvet hat and of the stretch of velvet mantle.</p> + +<p>"Morgan, dear," she said, pulling him playfully by the sleeve, "brides +are supposed to be too excited to eat on their wedding day. So I was +when I woke up, and I didn't eat any breakfast. And now the fresh air +makes me as hungry as a hunter. Do get me something nice, please."</p> + +<p>When he came back, the mails and luggage had been got on board. The +water began to seethe and foam away from the paddle-wheels, and, with +a pleasant hoot, the boat steamed away. And then, as Morgan leaned +against the side, he fell a-musing on many things, all woven in a web +of wonder at his happiness. Different parts of his life flashed at +him, all out of order and irrelevantly. How near, too, had he just +passed to the<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 312]</span> Ketterings! Cleo's father rose before him again with his +greying hair and his good face, bent, aproned, and in corduroys, just +as he was wont to stand in the Dover workshop. He remembered the +kindly invitation the old man had given him when they parted, and he +felt touched as he now called to mind the letter he had received from +him on his ceasing to be his son-in-law. "I am glad to know you are +free from her, and hope you won't think me an unnatural father; but +she never tried to win my affections, whereas you won them without +trying. I do hope that at no distant day you will marry a true lady, +who will make up to you for the past. I know what you must have +suffered."</p> + +<p>He had been concerned about Cleo, and had so overflowed with pity for +her that he had scarce had the strength to take the step that had made +his happiness possible. But he knew that she was quite well and happy, +living at the same house where he had first seen her, and that it had +been perfectly indifferent to her whether she were tied to him or not.</p> + +<p>And now his old fancy came to him again that he could trace a distinct +unity in his life, as though it had been moulded by a guiding Power. +As Helen had said, the inner spring of his life had been its own good +fairy.</p> + +<p>And as he looked at Margaret again, the dream that had sometimes come +to him did not now seem so unrealisable as it had in the old days when +he had been cut off from her. The burning of his old manuscripts had +marked his sense that his ambition was utterly dead. But he had never +regretted the burning. And now he even rejoiced at it. For, by toil +and discipline and facing the fulness of the living world, he had +attained to a<span class='pagenum'>[Pg 313]</span> clear sanity, to a just sense of values; the romantic +blur of his early poetic vision clarifying into the strong +definiteness of the Real. Assuredly he could now no longer write those +nebulous, elusive word-harmonies. Nor for him the mere æsthetic +toying, the dainty piece of colour-work; but poetry that should throb +with vitality and humanness. From dream poetry he had passed to dream +life. Now that he had won his way to true life, was he not, too, to +win his way to true song?</p> + +<p>To be a voice whose enchantment should echo down the ages, whose +never-dying melody should accompany the generations on their toilsome +way, ever fresh, ever sweet for human hearts!</p> + +<p>So did he dare to aspire again, and in his fancy it was Margaret's +spirit that floated on and on for ever, her fragrance immanent in the +songs he should sing!</p> + +<p>The sea was radiant with sunlight. A soft wind breathed in his face. +The dwindling town nestled lazily in its valley, and the line of white +cliffs stretched on either hand. And as Margaret's voice spoke to him +again, something of her sweetness seemed to rise and rest on the +spring world.</p> + + +<div class="center"><strong>THE END.</strong></div> +<p> </p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/i2.jpg" alt="PublisherInformation"/></div> + +<p> </p> +<p><strong>Mary J. Holmes' Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"Mrs. Holmes' stories are universally read. Her admirers are numberless. She + is in many respects without a rival in the world of fiction. Her characters + are always lifelike, and she makes them talk and act like human beings, subject + to the same emotions, swayed by the same passions, and actuated by the same + motives which are common among men and women of everyday existence."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Tempest and Sunshine</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>English Orphans</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Homestead on the Hillside</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lena Rivers</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Meadow Brook</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Dora Deane</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Cousin Maude</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Marian Grey</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Edith Lyle</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Daisy Thornton</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Chateau D'Or</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Queenie Hetherton</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Bessie's Fortune</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Marguerite</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Mrs. Hallam's Companion</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Darkness and Daylight</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Hugh Worthington</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Cameron Pride</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Rose Mather</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Ethelyn's Mistake</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Millbank</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Edna Browning</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>West Lawn</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Mildred</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Forrest House</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Madeline</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Christmas Stories</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Gretchen</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Dr. Hathern's Daughters</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Paul Ralston (<i>New</i>)</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<p><strong>May Agnes Fleming's Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"Mrs. Fleming's stories are growing more and more popular every day. Their + delineations of character, lifelike conversations, flashes of wit, constantly + varying scenes, and deeply interesting plots, combine to place their author + in the very first rank of Modern Novelists."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Guy Earlscourt's Wife</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Wonderful Woman</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Terrible Secret</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Mad Marriage</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Norine's Revenge</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>One Night's Mystery</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Kate Danton</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Silent and True</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Maude Percy's Secret</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Midnight Queen</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Edith Percival</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Heir of Charlton</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Carried by Storm</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lost for a Woman</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Wife's Tragedy</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Changed Heart</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Pride and Passion</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Sharing Her Crime</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Wronged Wife</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Actress' Daughter</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Queen of the Isle</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Wedded for Pique (<i>New</i>)</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<p><strong>Augusta J. Evans' Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"Who has not read with rare delight the novels of Augusta Evans? Her strange, + wonderful, and fascinating style; the profound depths to which she sinks the + probe into human nature, touching its most sacred chords and springs; the intense + interest thrown around her characters, and the very marked peculiarities of + her principal figures, conspire to give an unusual interest to the works of + this eminent Southern authoress."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Beulah</td> +<td align="right">$1 75</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Macaria</td> +<td align="right">1 75</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Inez</td> +<td align="right">1 75</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>At the Mercy of Tiberius</td> +<td align="right">2 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>St. Elmo</td> +<td align="right">2 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Vashti</td> +<td align="right">2 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Infelice</td> +<td align="right">2 00</td></tr></table> + +<p>ST. ELMO, <i>Magnolia Edition, 2 vols. 8vo., Magnificently Illustrated with + 30 Photogravure and Half-tone Engravings. Per set, $6.00.</i></p> + +<p> </p> + + + +<p><strong>Julie P. Smith's Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"The novels by this author are of unusual merit, uncommonly well written, clever + and characterized by great wit and vivacity. They are growing popular and more + popular every day."</p> +<p> </p> +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Widow Goldsmith's Daughter</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Chris and Otho</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Ten Old Maids</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lucy</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>His Young Wife</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Widower</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Married Belle</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Courting and Farming</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Kiss and Be Friends</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Blossom Bud</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + + +<p><strong>Marion Harland's Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"The Novels of Marion Harland are of surpassing excellence. By intrinsic power + of character-drawing and descriptive facility, they hold the reader's attention + with the most intense interest and fascination."</p> +<p> </p> +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Alone</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Hidden Path</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Moss Side</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Nemesis</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Miriam</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Sunny Bank</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Ruby's Husband</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>At Last</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>My Little Love</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Phemie's Temptation</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Empty Heart</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>From My Youth Up</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Helen Gardner</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Husbands and Homes</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Jessamine</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>True as Steel</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + +<p><strong>Albert Ross' Novels.</strong></p> + +<p><i>New Cloth Bound Editions.</i></p> + +<p>"There is a great difference between the productions of Albert Ross and those + of some of the sensational writers of recent date. When he depicts vice he does + it with an artistic touch, but he never makes it attractive. Mr. Ross' dramatic + instincts are strong. His characters become in his hands living, moving creatures."</p> +<p> </p> +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Thou Shalt Not</td> +<td align="right">$1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Speaking of Ellen</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Her Husband's Friend</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Garston Bigamy</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Thy Neighbor's Wife</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Young Miss Giddy</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Out of Wedlock</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Young Fawcett's Mabel</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>His Foster Sister (<i>New</i>)</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>His Private Character</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>In Stella's Shadow</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Moulding a Maiden</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Why I'm Single</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>An Original Sinner</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Love at Seventy</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Black Adonis</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Love Gone Astray</td> +<td align="right">1 00</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + +<p><strong>John Esten Cooke's Works.</strong></p> + +<p>"The thrilling historic stories of John Esten Cooke must be classed among the + <span class="smcap">BEST</span> and most <span class="smcap">POPULAR</span> + of all American writers. The great contest between the States was the theme + he chose for his Historic Romances. Following until the close of the war the + fortunes of Stuart, Ashby, Jackson, and Lee, he returned to "Eagle's Nest," + his old home, where, in the quiet of peace, he wrote volume after volume, intense + in dramatic interest."</p> +<p> </p> +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Surry of Eagle's Nest</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Fairfax</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Hilt to Hilt</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Beatrice Hallam</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Leather and Silk</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Miss Bonnybel</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Out of the Foam</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Hammer and Rapier</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Mohun</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Captain Ralph</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Col. Ross of Piedmont</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Robert E. Lee</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Stonewall Jackson</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Her Majesty the Queen</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + +<p><strong>A. S. Roe's Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"There is no writer of the present day who excels A. S. Roe, in his particular + line of fiction. He is distinguished by his fidelity to nature, his freedom + from affectation, his sympathy with the interests of everyday existence and + his depth and sincerity of feeling. His stories appeal to the heart and strengthen + and refresh it."</p> +<p> </p> +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>True to the Last</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Long Look Ahead</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Star and the Cloud</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>I've Been Thinking</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>How Could He Help It</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Like and Unlike</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>To Love and To Be Loved</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Time and Tide</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Woman Our Angel</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Looking Around</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Cloud on the Heart</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Resolution</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + +<p> <strong>Bertha Clay's Novels.</strong></p> + + + +<p>"Bertha Clay is one of the most popular writers of fiction. Her romances are + truly wonderful creations. They win the admiration of the masses and will continue + to increase in popularity."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Thrown on the World</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Bitter Atonement</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Love Works Wonders</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Evelyn's Folly</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Earl's Atonement</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Repented at Leisure</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Struggle for a Ring</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lady Damer's Secret</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Between Two Loves</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Put Asunder</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Woman's Temptation</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> + +<p> </p> + + +<p><strong>Georgie Sheldon's Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"These stories have charmed thousands of readers, and they hold a place, so + far as popularity goes, in the very front rank of American fiction."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Brownie's Triumph</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Forsaken Bride</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Earl Wayne's Nobility</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lost--a Pearle</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Stella Rosevelt</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> + +<p> </p> + +<p> <strong>Celia E. Gardner's Novels.</strong></p> + +<p>"Miss Gardner's works are becoming more and more popular every year, and they + will continue to be popular long after many of our present favorite writers + are forgotten."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Stolen Waters (In verse)</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Broken Dreams do</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Compensation do</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Twisted Skein do</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Tested</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Rich Medway</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Woman's Wiles</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Terrace Roses</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Seraph—or Mortal?</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Won under Protest (<i>New</i>)</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> + +<p> </p> +<p><strong>Captain Mayne Reid's Works.</strong></p> + +<p>"Captain Mayne Reid's works are of an intensely interesting and fascinating + character. Nearly all of them being founded upon some historical event, they + possess a permanent value while presenting a thrilling, earnest, dashing fiction + surpassed by no novel of the day."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>The Scalp Hunters</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Rifle Rangers</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The War Trail</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Wood Rangers</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Wild Huntress</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Maroon</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Headless Horseman</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Rangers and Regulators</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The White Chief</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Tiger Hunter</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Hunter's Feast</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Wild Life</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Osceola, the Seminole</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Quadroon</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The White Gauntlet</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lost Lenore</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + +<p> <strong>"Brick" Pomeroy's Works.</strong></p> + + + +<p>"The versatility of genius exhibited by this author has won for him a world-wide + reputation as a facetious and a strong writer. One moment replete with the most + touching pathos, and the next full of fun, frolic, and sarcasm."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Sense—A serious book</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Gold Dust</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Our Saturday Nights</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Nonsense—A comic book</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Brick Dust do</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Home Harmonies</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> +<p> </p> + +<p> <strong>Allan Pinkerton's Works.</strong></p> + +<p>"The mental characteristics of Allan Pinkerton were judgment as to facts, knowledge + of men, the ability to concentrate his faculties on one subject, and the persistent + power of will. A mysterious problem of crime, against which his life was devoted, + presented to his thought, was solved almost in an instant, and seemingly by + his intuitions. With half-closed eyes he saw the scene in which the wrong was + done, read every movement of the criminals, and reached invariably the correct + conclusion as to their conduct and guilt."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Expressmen and Detectives</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Mollie Maguires, The</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Somnambulist, The</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Claude Melnotte</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Criminal Reminiscenses</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Railroad Forger, The</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Bank Robbers</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>A Double Life</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Gypsies and Detectives</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Spiritualists and Detectives</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Model Town and Detectives</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Strikers, Communists, etc.</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Mississippi Outlaws, etc.</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Buchholz and Detectives</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Burglar's Fate</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Professional Thieves, etc.</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Spy of the Rebellion (8vo)</td> +<td align="right">3 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Thirty Years a Detective</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> + +<p> </p> + +<p> <strong>Mansfield Tracy Walworth's Novels.</strong></p> +<p>"Mr. Walworth's novels are brilliant, scholarly and absorbing and +reveal great power in the portraiture of character."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>Warwick</td> +<td align="right">$1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Hotspur</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lulu</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Stormcliff</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Delaplaine</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Beverly</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Zahara</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr></table> + + +<p> </p> + +<p><strong>Ernest Renan's and other Theological Works.</strong></p> + +<p>"There is through all the works of Renan a pathos that stirs the mind to its + inmost depths, his power of diction is wondrous sweet and strong, his ardent + adoration of something indefinite, dreamy, ideal, takes our hearts and our senses + captive."</p> +<p> </p> + +<table width="50%" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Book List"> +<tr> +<td>The Life of Jesus</td> +<td align="right">$1 75</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Lives of the Apostles</td> +<td align="right">1 75</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Life of St. Paul</td> +<td align="right">1 75</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Bible in India—Jacolliot</td> +<td align="right">2 00</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>The Unknown Life of Christ—By Notovitch</td> +<td align="right">1 50</td></tr> +<tr> +<td>Inside the Church of Rome—By the Nun of Kenmare</td> +<td align="right">1 75</td></tr></table> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p>Transcriber's Note:<br /> +<br /> +Additional line spacing after poetic and block quotes is intentional to indicate both the end of a quotation and the beginning of a new +a new paragraph as is presented in the original text.<br /> +<br /> +The table of contents was added as an aid for the reader.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT***</p> +<p>******* This file should be named 29207-h.txt or 29207-h.zip *******</p> +<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/9/2/0/29207">http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/2/0/29207</a></p> +<p>Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed.</p> + +<p>Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Cleo The Magnificent + The Muse of the Real + + +Author: Louis Zangwill + + + +Release Date: June 23, 2009 [eBook #29207] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT*** + + +E-text prepared by David Edwards, Stephanie Eason, and the Project +Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from +digital material generously made available by Internet Archive/Canadian +Libraries (http://www.archive.org/details/toronto) + + + +Note: Images of the original pages are available through + Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries. See + http://www.archive.org/details/cleomagnificento00zanguoft + + + + + +CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT + +by + +LOUIS ZANGWILL + + * * * * * + +MR. LOUIS ZANGWILL'S WORKS. + + +A Drama in Dutch. + +_Spectator:_ Certainly a book which has not merely cleverness but real +vitality. + +_Speaker:_ Deliciously original ... and told with great spirit, humor +and dramatic vigor. + +"T. P." in _Weekly Sun:_ What a delightful creation Mrs. de Griendt +is! Indeed I should have personally been glad if we had had more of +her.... I think the reader will agree with me that I have not +exaggerated the literary merit of this exquisitely-described scene. + + +The World and a Man. + +_Academy:_ A masterful novelist. + +_Illustrated London News:_ One of the cleverest novels of the day. + +_Pall Mall Gazette:_ Finely told.... It is an achievement in a high +form of art. + +_Daily Chronicle:_ It contains many passages which the greatest +masters in the same _genre_ might have been proud to have written. + + +The Beautiful Miss Brooke. + +_Brooklyn Eagle:_ A brilliant bit of work. + +_Detroit Free Press:_ He has analyzed with ability and finish.... This +is a story to be admired for its discernment and its originality. + +_Boston Beacon:_ The story is thoroughly entertaining and well done, +... and in analysis of character, force, and directness, it exceeds +the author's previous essays in fiction. + +_Chicago Record:_ Very few recent novels which have come out of +England will compare with this story in two points--absolute +conciseness of form and analysis of motive.... Here is a theme of +vital truthfulness and Mr. Louis Zangwill has dealt with it with the +hand of a master of form.... + + +A Nineteenth Century Miracle. + +_Academy:_ As tantalizing a problem as was ever bound in cloth. + +_Pall Mall Gazette:_ As tangled a skein as ever the brain of Gaboriau +evolved. + +_Daily Chronicle:_ We have seldom read a better piece of +mystification. + +_Morning Leader:_ It would probably defy the most ingeniously +imaginative reader to make in the course of the story even an +approximate leap toward the heart of the miracle that Louis Zangwill +has wrought for his astonishment. + + * * * * * + + +CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT + +Or + +The Muse of the Real + +A Novel + +by + +LOUIS ZANGWILL + +Author of "The Beautiful Miss Brooke," "The World and a Man," Etc., Etc. + + + + + + + +New York: G. W. Dillingham Co., Publishers. +London: Wm. Heinemann. +MDCCCXCVIII. + +Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1897, by G. W. +DILLINGHAM CO., In the office of the Librarian of Congress at +Washington, D. C. + +_Cleo the Magnificent._ + + + + +BOOK I. + + + + +CLEO THE MAGNIFICENT + + +CHAPTER I. + + +It was past midnight, and both men were smoking leisurely by the study +fireside. Morgan Druce sat just on the edge of a low chair, his long, +slim body bent forward, his clean-shaven boyish face well within the +glow of the fire. Though he appeared to be looking at it, he was only +conscious of its warmth. + +Robert Ingram, middle-aged and bearded, lolled back in sensuous +comfort. "The long and the short of it is," he resumed, "you've a +soul-crisis on just at present. Crises are bad for the digestion, and +I took care to grow out of them long ago." + +"Our temperaments are very different," said Morgan. + +"That's what makes your case so difficult to meet," returned Ingram. +"It's your infernal temperament. One never knows how to take it. In +fact, you're the sort of person in whose existence I never really +believed; for though, as you know, I once had ideals and a literary +conscience, I was always aware they would go as soon as I had a market +for everything I could manufacture. You are the genuine incorruptible +artist, to whom art is sacred. I really don't know whether to be +doubtful of my cynicism or your sanity." + +"That my case _is_ a pretty bad one I've already admitted," put in +Morgan. + +"Now, if you were only some poor devil who was alone in the world," +went on Ingram without heeding his remark, "I could take you in hand +and make something of you, for you've quite brains enough. Poor devils +are generally more reasonable in their views than you, even when +they're geniuses. You simply keep on wearing out your heart day after +day. Why? For fame? What is it worth? Well, I won't answer the +question--I deal quite enough in platitudes." + +"You don't understand, Ingram. What do you really know of me?" + +"Well, if I don't know you by this time, you must be an uncommonly +deep person--or perhaps I am an uncommonly shallow one." + +Morgan Druce did not answer. His last remark had been more of a +reflection than an interrogation. What did Ingram really know of him, +he asked himself again, despite the five years of the indefinable +relation between them? Admitting that the man beneath the cynic was +kindly and sympathetic, yet he could not but be aware that Ingram's +treason to the aspirations of his youth had destroyed the finer edge +of feeling. His vision did not respond to subtler vibrations; his +judgment was broad and coarse. + +Such was Morgan's intuition about Robert Ingram. He believed the man +to be sincere with him and he trusted him. And yet, as he looked up +now and saw Ingram, relapsed into his luxurious arm chair, blowing +rings of smoke, he seemed to detect something in his expression that +filled him with a vague distrust about the genuineness of his +professed interest in him. There was a sort of swagger in his whole +posture, a slickness about his well-dressed, well-fed body, and a +self-satisfaction in his somewhat burly face, nay, even in the manner +his fat fingers held his fat cigar, that set Morgan wondering for the +first time whether Ingram's attitude to literature did not in truth +sum up the whole man; whether that popular novelist and dramatist +could really have a place in his heart for anything that was of +unimportance to his own personal existence--for a poor devil of a +poetaster, for instance. + +It was one of those sudden doubts that are created by a chance glimpse +from an accidental new point of view; and Morgan thrust it from him as +absurd and unjust. It could have no foundation, else why had Ingram +responded to his appeal at the beginning? Why had he tolerated his +calls all these years? Why were they talking together in that room +now? + +He had often been puzzled about this relation between them, though, as +with his friendship with Lady Thiselton, its very strangeness and +originality pleased him. His relation to that charming woman was, he +felt, both indefinable and incredible; and his relation to the man +beside him, though less odd, could be included neither in the category +of acquaintanceship nor in that of friendship. Morgan was ignorant of +Ingram's personal life, even as Ingram was ignorant of such a large +fact in his own as Lady Thiselton. Their coming together had been +always on the ground of their one common interest; otherwise there was +the most absolute mutual exclusiveness between their existences. +True that Morgan's periodical appearance at this Albert Gate flat, of +which Ingram had made for himself a luxurious bachelor's home, had +eventually resulted in a certain frankness of speech and familiarity +of manner between them. But here their intercourse began and ended. + +Perhaps Morgan had all along seen the position a little bit out of +perspective; the very freedom with which Ingram had come to unmask +himself before him and the intimacy with which they addressed each +other had perhaps misled him. The cheery breeziness of Ingram had +attracted him a good deal from the first, and he had liked the man for +the ready good nature he had displayed towards him. And altogether it +had been easy for him to think that he had done more than just rub up +against the surface of Ingram's life, the depth and fullness of which +he had scarcely realised. + +At the beginning he had looked upon his being allowed to come and see +the older man now and again as a privilege. It had never struck him to +look at these visits of his from the other's point of view. It was +precisely this point of view that now forced itself upon him as he +struggled with the suspicion that had come to him. Had Ingram looked +upon him merely as somebody who deserved to be good-humouredly +tolerated? And was his openness only due to the consciousness of his +(Morgan's) being an outsider, into whose ears he had got into the +habit of speaking thoughts he would have told to no other living +person, pretty much as he might have written them in a diary? Such a +habit was easy to acquire with regard to an outsider whom one came +into contact with periodically, and with whom one had a long talk +each time. + +He was not pleased, however, that such a train of thought should have +come to him, and, urged by something akin to remorse, his mind went +travelling back over the past five years in search of arguments in +favour of Ingram. + +There was a long interval during which both smoked in silence. + +"Do you remember," asked Morgan, at length, "the circumstances under +which we first became acquainted?" + +"Perfectly," responded Ingram. "You wrote me a long letter, a rather +pathetic one. That was the first intimation I had of your existence." + +"Did you destroy that letter?" + +"I never destroy letters--compromising ones, of course, always +excepted." + +"Then I may assume it still exists. Would it give you very much +trouble to find it now?" + +"I pride myself upon my system," answered Ingram. + +"Please put it to the test, then." + +"Your system is excellent," admitted Morgan, as at the end of about +five minutes Ingram held up the sheets in triumph. "Now I wonder if +you'd read it to me. I want to hear how it sounds." + +"Certainly, you amusing beggar," said Ingram. "You wrote it during +your last crisis and you want to compare your feelings then with now." + +"I forget what I wrote," said Morgan, with an attempt at gaiety. "It +must be very dramatic, so please put the proper expression into it, +just as if it were a passage in one of your plays." + +"Dear Mr. Ingram," read out that gentleman. "For nearly six years I +have been trying to live by writing verse--ever since I was seventeen. +Six years of passionate hope and longing, failure and failure, all +years of wandering in the desert, of groping in the dark. I know no +one--no one to criticise me--no one to encourage, to blame, or to +praise; only the voice of purpose in my breast. Amid loneliness this +passion for fruitless labour has grown strong, frenzied, blind. +Perhaps one day I shall penetrate--if I live. But for life one must +have food; for work one must have shelter. At twenty-three one does +not want to die; not when one has lived always in the future, when one +has striven and toiled for recognition that may yet come. Not mere +recognition of genius or talent, of knack or gift, but recognition of +Truth as opposed to Imposture, of my right to life, of my right to +give free and full expression of the individuality that is mine. + +"As matters are now--I am utterly friendless so far as my inner life +is concerned--I can see no other end than fall. God knows what shape +that fall is destined to take; into what mire my soul must plunge in +the fight for life. I could bear anything if I were not so utterly +alone and helpless. I would do hack-work if I but knew Grub Street. I +would sell my soul to a publisher for fifty pounds a year. Anything to +get my foot on the lowest rung of the ladder! Anything to help me on +the way to freedom! + +"If you could see me, speak to me, help me in any way! Believe me, I +do not wish to force my personality on you. I do not want you to give +me any material thing. I only beg of you to aid me in asserting my +claim on life by telling how I may win bread. + +"I should be deeply grateful for a word from you. In any case, pardon +this intrusion. Yours, etc., Morgan Druce." + + * * * * * + +Ingram drew a long breath and threw the sheets on to the table. + +"Have I read it nicely?" he asked. + +"And I wrote that--to you, Robert Ingram!" exclaimed Morgan, brokenly. + +"You did," said Ingram, quietly. "And you know what the sequel was." + +"You were moved by my appeal. You came to seek me out." + +"Well, your letter interested me. It was not the letter of a duffer or +a swindler--the sort of thing you can tell by its ornate pompousness; +and it just caught me when I was somewhat bored by things, so that I +rather welcomed it as an excitement. I expected to find you lodging in +some miserable cottage--a Chatterton in a garret. I came to bring food +to the hungry. Instead----" + +"You found me living in a palace standing in a fine park, with no lack +of loaves and fishes, of milk and honey." + +"It was the greatest surprise of my life. When I could no longer doubt +that the only people called Druce in the neighbourhood lived in the +magnificent Elizabethan mansion, whose name was that of the supposed +cottage from which you addressed your letter, I began to think the +family kept a skeleton in one of the cupboards. In plain +language----" + +"You thought one of the members of the family must be a lunatic." + +"Anyway, the champagne was first-class, the cigars were worth +half-a-crown apiece," said Ingram, laughing. + +"And when you had gone into the matter you thought that if I wasn't +quite a lunatic, I was not far short of one for disagreeing with my +father." + +"Frankly, I did." + +"You never really sympathised." + +"I did--all the time I conceived of you as a Chatterton." + +"A palace is worse than a garret," asserted Morgan, "under the +conditions in which I lived." + +"Bah! You know nothing about garrets. And, as I pointed out to you, +even if, in spite of the competition, you did sell your soul to a +publisher for fifty pounds a year, he'd take care to stick to it. You +were hopelessly wrong in your ideas about getting your foot on the +first rung of the ladder." + +"I am ashamed of ever having had those ideas--of ever having been +willing to suppress my individuality, if only temporarily, for the +sake of living. It all ought to have ended then. Why did you advise me +to go on?" + +"I only advised you to go on writing--I took the other thing for +granted. In the light of my experience of myself at the same age, I +judged it was the only advice you would take. And then having entered +on the adventure, I wanted to finish it; so naturally I set about +making peace between father and son. Excellent man, your father! So +open to reason! You must have been deuced clumsy to irritate him. To +refuse to enter such a business! You'd have been a rich man in a few +years. But I'm sorry to see your last remark implied a sort of +reproach." + +"It was a stupid remark," admitted Morgan. "Of course I wanted to go +on. At twenty-three one does not want to die." + +"If there is still a prospect of being allowed to write poetry," added +Ingram. "You wanted to be put in the way of earning fifty pounds a +year, and naturally you invoked the assistance of the man who was +reputed to have a weakness for embryo genius. However, at the age of +twenty-eight, it appears, one does want to die. I helped you over the +last crisis; perhaps I may help you over this one. Let us look at the +facts. You've had a good chance and you've been defeated. Your poetry +is not wanted. As I've told you before, I am not competent to say +whether it's great or whether it's downright drivel--it's years since +I discovered my limitations. You've been imprudent enough to pay the +expenses of publishing two small volumes, and certain it is that +nobody found any greatness in them. I admit I couldn't make head or +tail of the bulk of the stuff--I'm satisfied myself to write what +plain folk can understand. To put the matter bluntly, you send work to +market that most people would look on as the ravings of a lunatic. +Now, my advice is--cut poetry. There is plenty in the world for you to +live for. Go and travel awhile. See men and cities, sculpture and +paintings. Study humanity instead of merely thinking about it. Sail +over the wide seas; breathe in the good air; be true to your youth and +fall in love right bravely. You are rich--all this is in your power. I +am sure your father will be pleased." + +Morgan was touched by the other's enthusiasm. + +"I have always misunderstood you," he cried, remorsefully; "you are +not the mere gross tradesman you boast of being." + +"Really, you embarrass me. Anyway, I hope that, now your opinion of me +has gone up, my advice will bear fruit. After which I shall not mind +confessing that that last nice bit is a quotation from my first novel. +I could have invented nothing more apropos." + +"You give me advice I am powerless to act on," said Morgan, after some +hesitation. "I spent my last shilling to-day." + +"No money!" ejaculated Ingram. "The deuce! Don't you draw a regular +income from your father?" + +"That was not the arrangement," said Morgan. "I was the first-born, +and he was mortally offended by my refusal to enter the bank and carry +on the name and the tradition of the house. During all those six years +there had been friction and bitterness between us. At last came an +appalling outbreak, and I was suffering from the full pain of my +wounds when I wrote to you. You were good enough to tell him that +genius sometimes earned quite considerable amounts, and the ultimate +result of your intercession, of which you only knew the happy issue, +not the details, was that he agreed to give me six thousand pounds, +with the understanding I was never to expect another penny from him. +My brother was to take my commercial birthright and I the +responsibility for my whole future. I've earned nothing save an odd +few shillings now and again, and all I had from my father I've somehow +managed to mess away." + +"Good God!" shrieked Ingram. "Six thousand pounds in five years! An +exemplary young man of simple habits like you! What could you +have done with it all? You're not a spendthrift. You don't gamble, do +you?" + +"I don't know how it has gone," said Morgan, helplessly. "I made bad +investments, I lent some of it away, and I suppose I spent the rest." + +"And you wanted to sell your soul to a publisher for fifty pounds a +year! The fact is, I suppose, you don't know the value of money at +all--it just melts away." + +"For me money has no value. I don't care a pin about it," said Morgan, +doggedly. + +"That's scarcely the point," said Ingram. "Whether you care about it +or not, you'll have to raise some of it. Let me interview your father. +The fault is his. He knew you were a poet, and yet he was imprudent +enough to give you capital instead of an income." + +"It was my doing. I wanted to be perfectly free and independent of +him--not to be worried by sordid complaints and lectures and warnings +with each quarter's cheque. I told him so frankly, and I so annoyed +him even at the end that he gave me the money, saying he did not care +what I did with it. I certainly intend to stand by the arrangement I +made with him. That money was to be the last, and the last it shall +be." + +"You are difficult," said Ingram. + +"You must be indulgent." + +Ingram lighted a new cigar and appeared lost in reflection a little +while. + +"There is only one thing, then, I can suggest," he said at last. + +"And that is?" asked Morgan, in a tone that clearly indicated his +belief that he was beyond all suggestions. + +"You can be my ghost. Don't be alarmed--you must do some work, you +know, and that is the only work I can think of for you. I have to +refuse very many commissions. Try your hand at some of them and I'll +run over the work and sign. As I've said before, you've got brains +enough if you'll only use them in the right direction." + +"You mean it for the best; but I could not be party to a fraud." + +"How so? My business in life is to manufacture stories and plays for +the people. My signature merely guarantees the quality just as the +name of a maker on a pianoforte guarantees the instrument. But every +such maker employs others whose names do not appear in connection with +the finished product." + +"The whole thing is impossible. Forgive me for ignoring your +arguments. I ought never to have troubled you with my miserable +concerns. It would, perhaps, have been better if I had never written +you this." + +And Morgan took up his own letter from the table, morbidly fascinated +by it, and impelled to read again the words that had been wrung from +him five years before by his torturing sense of his position in life. + +But, as he began to read, an odour he had been vaguely conscious of +inhaling all along was wafted very perceptibly to his nostrils. Then +he became aware that the letter was subtly scented. + +An unreasoning anger came upon him. + +"Some woman has had this in her possession," he exclaimed. + +Ingram looked at him strangely, hesitated, then seemed finally to +comprehend. + +"You are a veritable Lecoq," he said coolly. + +Then that conception of Ingram that had before begun to hover in +Morgan's mind now forced itself upon him wholly. He had always +understood that the man had been inclined to take him somewhat as a +good joke, but this he had not minded so much, so long as he believed +that his personality and his aspirations really interested him. Now +his sense of not having been looked upon seriously predominated, and +with it came an exaggerated consciousness of everything in Ingram that +was obnoxious to his spirit. If the re-reading of the letter had been +a torture for him, the knowledge that it had been ruthlessly exposed +to other eyes aggravated the pain tenfold, especially at this +particular moment. + +"And so this person, whose vile scent impregnates this, has had my +soul laid bare before her for her amusement!" + +"Whose vile scent?" repeated Ingram, angrily. "I must ask you not to +use such language about any friend of mine." + +"You went to her, no doubt, to be praised and fawned upon for your +generosity to me, and afterwards----" + +"Don't be a fool!" exclaimed Ingram, cutting him short. + +"Thank you. I shall take the advice. I have been a fool long enough." + +Morgan moved out of the room, leaving Ingram flushed and motionless. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +As Morgan had told Ingram, he had that day spent his last shilling. He +had thus no option but to walk home to his rooms in Chester Terrace, +Regent's Park. It was a long walk, and one had already struck, but he +did not hurry. The night was a fine one of early spring, and it suited +his mood to linger in the free air. + +He had not really gone to Ingram for advice, though he had been unable +to prevent his despair from showing itself. He was sorry that the +exhaustion of his funds should have come just at the moment when he +had resigned himself to the final abandonment of the ambition that had +determined his whole life. He was sure now that a mind like Ingram's +would inevitably set down his despair to his money difficulties. But +the next moment he told himself it was grotesque on his part to care +just then what inference Ingram might draw about him. Ingram and he +would be concerned with each other but little in the future! + +But what was the future to be? Were there not others who would be +fully as astonished as Ingram at learning the truth? And even if it +were possible for him to hide besides there was Margaret Medhurst. +What meaning could the future have for him without her? + +His old inner life had at length come to an end and he was now to pass +from it into he knew not what--perhaps a raw, cold air. And yet his +feeling now was not so entirely one of despair as when he had that +evening rung Ingram's bell. He seemed to have been stung out of his +terrible apathy. The smart had stirred up his deadened nerves. He was +trying to set in order the jumble that possessed his mind and to think +clear and straight. + +The vague figure of a scented woman reading his letter haunted him, +and at moments Ingram was added to the picture, and he saw them +uniting in mockery of him--prosaic, prosperous author, and strange, +romantic serpent-woman! + +Though that letter of five years before had been wrung from him, he +had written it with but the vaguest idea of sending it. A romantic +impulse had dictated its form as an appeal to a prominent novelist, +and it was only when he had finished it that the same romantic impulse +urged him to post it. His feeling about it was purely poetic, and he +scarcely realised he was addressing a real, living person. The +commercial world of literature was to him a mysterious, far-off chaos, +and at very bottom he had no belief the letter would be the means of +his getting nearer to it. + +So far as he was concerned at the moment, he had sent his bolt flying +into the clouds, and the contingency of its being shown about had +never occurred to him; moreover, if Ingram had left his appeal +unanswered, the fact he now resented so much would never have come +within the sphere of his consciousness. But to become cognisant of it +years later at a moment of despair humiliated him unbearably. The mere +re-reading of the letter had already humiliated him, for the lapse of +time, the change of circumstance, the literary degeneration of Ingram, +and his very acquaintance with the man, had made him feel the words +very differently than when they had come spontaneously out of his +blood. His sense of their futility added to his resentment. + +But as he now walked along he was beginning to be conscious that, side +by side with this resentment, had come something fantastic, something +luring, immanent in the far faintness of the scent that had perfumed +his letter. + +He found himself repeating Browning's lines with a sense of the thrill +and romance of life. + + "Heap cassia, sandal-buds and stripes + Of labdanum, and aloe balls, + Smeared with dull nard an Indian wipes + From out her hair: such balsam falls + Down seaside mountain pedestals, + From treetops, where tired winds are fain, + Spent with the vast and howling main, + To treasure half their island-gain. + + "And strew faint sweetness from some old + Egyptian's fine worm-eaten shroud, + Which breaks to dust when once unrolled; + Or shredded perfume, like a cloud + From closet long to quiet vowed, + With mothed and dropping arras hung, + Mouldering her lute and books among, + As when a queen, long dead, was young." + + +If his sense of overwhelming defeat made for despair, he was conscious +of his nature being effectively appealed to from another direction. If +he had that evening determined to throttle his ambition and write +poetry no more, he seemed to have become aware of the stirring of a +new motive for existence. But what it was he could not definitely tell +himself. + +And always before him rose the figure of the scented serpent-woman +holding his letter in her long fingers, her white teeth gleaming in +mockery! + +"I shall live--live!" he exclaimed, as he entered his own door at +last. + +He lighted the gas in his large, comfortable sitting-room, and noticed +there were letters for him on the mantel resting against the clock, +whose hands pointed to half-past two. + +But he would not look at them just yet. His was a strange mood just +then and he did not wish his thoughts disturbed. There was something +he had to do at once. Let the letters wait till he had finished. + +Again he heard Ingram's voice reading. Every word had branded itself +on him. + +Soon he had the large table littered with bundles of manuscript. They +represented his poetic output. Many of them had travelled far and +wide; never again should they be sent forth into the world to bring +him that which his heart had most desired. He took up one here and +there and ran his eye through it. Considering the years he had worked, +the output--for a young man's muse--was perhaps not large. But then he +had only taken up his pen when inspiration had come. Certainly during +the earlier years most of his time had been spent in reading and +study. Otherwise he had had a habit of losing himself in the play of +his imagination, awaking after having lived in worlds innumerable. +Thus the actual amount of verse he had produced in the first years was +really quite small. + +He could not help dawdling a little before proceeding with the work of +destruction. They were strange products, most of these poems of his; +mirroring vague metaphysical moods, unseizable mystic fancies; +incomprehensible save to one whose own inwardness they suggested, or +to one of infinite emotional sympathy. A blurred, shapeless spirit +brooded behind these melodious masses of words, these outpourings of +disconnected ideas--a spirit invisible for reason and responsive only +to divination, as love responds to love. Sometimes it was hidden amid +a flow of sensuous images; sometimes in an impression of a landscape, +of an atmospheric effect, of a play of light and shade. Such +impression was never pure and complete, such visual effect never +pictured for its own sake; for here and there amid it would lurk a +phrase that was not of it, that struck a note--an elusive +key-note--which set vibrating something haunting in its familiarity, +terrifying in its strangeness; something mocking and meaningless, that +went echoing away into the infinite. + +He had not been able to find contentment in the mere presentation of +beauty. Even where he dealt with the concrete there was always +something to destroy the semblance of reality. The world that was +revealed to his vision was a surface-world, for he had not pierced it +by experience, but only dimly through the medium of books, and the +elements it gave him he used freely. But his combinations of them +were seldom along the lines of the possible. Here a colour would flash +out at one; there a jewel would sparkle; now a perfume would be +wafted; now a bird would sing. But all this individual definiteness +was merged into a general blur, or formed itself into a sort of +kaleidoscopic pattern that subtly suggested a meaning to be seized. + +And all that Morgan now looked over again gave back to him the spirit +he had put into them. The gaps in his expression of that spirit he was +blind to. Shaped in the mould of his peculiar fantasy, these poems +lived for the mind that had created them, that had been compelled by +its own inner necessity to give them what was to him their particular +form, to others their very formlessness. + +His belief that this poetry was of immortal quality was unshaken, but +he had been born into a wrong world, he now told himself. He was aware +that he did not know the world of every-day affairs; that he was not +fitted to know it. The very thought of its swirling incomprehensible +activities turned him giddy; and if he walked amid it daily it was for +him pure visual perception. Beyond that perception he did not seek to +look and so he escaped discomfort. + +Well, let him not linger. His old life--the singer's life--was over, +and nothing of it must remain. + +The grate was a big one, but even then the work of destruction would +take some time. A fire had been laid that morning, but had not been +lighted. He put back the coals into the vase and filled the grate with +his manuscripts. Then, striking a match, he watched the blaze +blackening and curling up the edges of the sheets. + +When eventually the table was bare, he reflected it was strange he +should now feel so little emotion. His predominating sense was one of +physical fatigue, but the figure of the scented woman was still with +him. Would it not be splendid, he asked himself, now that his past +life lay there in a charred heap, to enter with his new life into the +life of this woman--nay, to win her away from Ingram? + +He took his letters. There were three of them, and they read as +follows: + + "My Dear Morgan:--This is to let you know I shall be in town + to-morrow. I want you to come and meet me at Victoria at one + o'clock and we shall lunch together before I go on to my hotel. + My chief business is to see friend Medhurst about my eyes. I fear + my present reading-glasses no longer suit me. By the way, I've + some splendid ideas for you to work out. It's quite clear to me + now from whom you inherited your genius. Mind you are in time. + Your dad, Archibald D. + + "P. S.--The 'Pleiad' to-day publishes that little poem of yours + about Diana. I feel very proud of being your father. Present my + regards to Mr. Ingram." + + +Morgan merely smiled. He had not had a poem published for many months, +and this was his first indication that the one in point had been +accepted. Curious, he reflected, it should just appear that day. + + + "Dear Prince Charming," ran the second. "This is to reproach you + for not coming yesterday afternoon. For two hours I waited + without giving up hope. Softest-hearted of mortals, for me alone + is your heart a stone! I had all the sensations of Mariana in + the moated grange, but whilst you are in the world, I certainly + shall not wish myself dead. + + "When are you going to take me to Whitechapel? My mind wanders + longingly from this prosaic Belgrave Square to yon fantastic + region. It's quite a month since we last got lost together. I + have next Monday and Thursday free. I wonder whether it will + occur to you to connect the two last sentences. Either day--or + both--will suit me. This doesn't count as a letter. I shall write + you a real one this evening. Helen." + + + "Dear Morgan," read the last. "As you have probably heard, your + father is coming to town to see Mr. Medhurst professionally, and + of course he is to dine here to-morrow evening. Come in and join + us; we shall be strictly _en famille_. By the way, Margaret has + not only finished 'Chiron' and the 'Spanish Marauder,' but she + has actually sold both! They look very well, indeed, in bronze. + Yours ever, Kate Medhurst. + + "P. S.--Diana sends her love and hopes that if you have any more + stamps you will bring them with you." + + +This postscript was in the writing of the young lady herself. + +The reading of these letters did not give him any pleasure just then. +These other lives in whose round he was an important figure were going +on without any intuition of his inner tragedy, without any suspicion +that they would henceforwards have to go on without him; that he could +no more carry them forward into his vague, new life than those equally +vital elements of his old self--his poems! How strangely did their +moods contrast with his--his father's playful good-humour, Lady +Thiselton's sprightly _camaraderie_ and Mrs. Medhurst's cheerful +domesticity! + +But the last letter made him wince. It was only a simple invitation, +but it hurt him as though a finger had been put on a raw wound. For +he, who had made a failure of his existence, whose one remaining link +with life was a mere grotesque possibility of an adventure with an +unknown serpent-woman, loved Margaret Medhurst with a poet's +despairing love. + +The figure of the scented woman floated up again. She had let the +letter fall into her lap now and her wonderful face seemed to smile at +him. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +He awoke in the morning, acceptant of what he had done in the night. A +calmness had set in and with it had come a clarification of his +thought. His grasp of the position was more definite, and his feeling +was that, to meet it adequately, he must disattach himself completely +from the past. + +But the future was mystic and seductive. + +However, his tendency to dwell on it had to be put aside in favour of +commonplace things that must be done immediately. As Ingram had +pointed out to him, he might be as indifferent to money as he pleased, +yet he must give it his first attention. Though ready cash was +exhausted, he remembered almost with surprise he had several +possessions that might be converted into it. + +His breakfast was served to him as usual, but he did not open the +promised letter which duly arrived from Lady Thiselton. His general +sense of things filled his mind sufficiently. + +His first business was to wait upon the family jeweller in Oxford +Street, from whom he had made occasional purchases for birthday +presents. The experience was a strange one for him, and he felt +somewhat timid about it. However, when he had explained what he +wanted, he was agreeably astonished at the man's insisting, with a +great show of goodwill towards him, he must accommodate him with +fifty pounds, and before Morgan had recovered from his flurry, he had +given an I. O. U. for the amount and had bank notes in his pocket. + +"Why, I shouldn't think of charging _you_ any interest," the jeweller +had declared, and Morgan was much puzzled to understand why. Nor did +he quite know what this piece of paper he had signed represented. + +He had now accomplished all the action his brain had planned, and it +was time to go and meet his father. And then it struck him as curious +that life seemed to be ignoring his ideas and to be taking him forward +despite himself. With all his intense feeling that he must complete +his disattachment from the past, its impetus was stronger than he. +Somehow he _must_ go and meet his father; he _must_ dine with the +Medhursts that evening. + +As was clear from Archibald Druce's note, the relation between father +and son was scarcely so theatrical as Ingram might have gathered from +Morgan's talk the evening before, a fact of which Morgan was well +aware. He had not really intended to give Ingram a theatrical +impression, but the somewhat subtle truth could never have been +conveyed in the few words they had had together, apart from the fact +that it must inevitably have got coloured by the mood of the moment. + +There had been many vicissitudes between father and son. The latter +well remembered the moment when, unable to keep his big idea to +himself any longer, he had divulged it to his father as they were +strolling together in the grounds one sunny afternoon. The two had +always been on the best of terms. Now Archibald Druce's ideas about +his Morgan's career had been definitely shaped for years. He intended +that the boy should, after passing through the University, enter the +banking business with which his whole life had been associated, and +ultimately become a partner therein. But Morgan's own idea of his +mission in life seemed to the banker so extraordinary that it made him +laugh outright. Unfortunately, too, in addition to pooh-poohing his +son's unexpected ambition, he went on, by way of implanting in him +sensible and serious views of life, to point out that the right to +spend money had to be acquired by effort expended. + +Morgan had made up his mind at a very boyish age that he was destined +to become an immortal bard; the conceptions he had then formed had +remained with him in all their boyish freshness. They were pure +conceptions, detached from the realities, of which he then knew +nothing. Poetry was a great and glorious thing, and when he first +decided that his whole life could be devoted to nothing nobler, he had +selected it away from the actual material circumstances from which +existence cannot be extricated. + +But in this first talk with his father he had already been brought +into collision with these sordid complications. Archibald's +well-intentioned scorn had inflicted a wound that pained still after +the lapse of years. Moreover, by raising financial questions, he had +unwittingly poured poison into that wound. Morgan, however, refused to +have his eyes opened and clung desperately to his detached conception +of poetry and the poet's life. + +The thought of his being destined for business terrified the lad. He +felt he could never live in the atmosphere of an office. He was born +to sing, to charm, to enchant. What had he to do with money? He must +argue with his father and convince him. And he effectually did succeed +in making him understand he was serious. The banker was upset, and +Morgan, carried along by the freshness and purity of his enthusiasm, +made an altogether wrong judgment of the position. For the first +opposition and the first clash of wills represented a bigger fact to +Morgan than it did to the father, who, not entirely understanding the +force of the ferment in his son's mind, as yet took it for granted +that time was only needed to eradicate this strange, startling +madness. He therefore pressed Morgan to proceed at once to the +University, in the belief he would take a more sensible view of things +when he was a few years older. But Morgan refused. He held to his +ambition with frenzied persistence, and he had felt the bitterness of +dependence. He determined, therefore, to try his wings at once, +remembering that money _was_ attached to success, and, in the optimism +of enthusiasm, forming impossible hopes of supporting himself before +long. + +Archibald Druce did not mind his being apparently idle for awhile, +and, by a sort of common understanding, the subject was not touched +upon between them for some time. Morgan perforce had to live at home, +and, as time went by, this very fact caused him a great deal of +misery. Perhaps the very magnificence of his surroundings made matters +worse for him. + +His mother, too, was against him, and, after awhile she seemed to +expend all the time she could spare from playing the role of _grande +dame_ in the county, in egging on his father against him. The sense of +her injustice embittered him, for he knew he could not fairly be +accused of spending his time unprofitably. He was studying perhaps +harder than he would have done at college, for he was a student almost +as much as he was poet. Of recreation, though, he had no stint. He +rode, fished, swam and boated; but always alone, for his instinct made +for solitude. With his brother he was not unfriendly, but there was no +intimate sympathy between the two. + +During the years that followed there were many fallings-out and +reconciliations between father and son. If the banker had been +entirely able to rid his mind of the plans he had so long cherished +for his son, he would have been quite content that the latter should +go through life as a gentleman of wealth and leisure. But he was +wedded to the business to which he had given the best energies of his +life, and the idea that Morgan must eventually take his place in it +amounted almost to an obsession. A reconciliation always made Morgan +happy, for its own sake quite as much as for the belief that his +ambition was being recognised. Estrangement and friction were always +terrible things to him and caused him unspeakable suffering. + +His letter to Ingram was the culmination. It was sincere and expressed +exactly what he felt. The immediate cause of the mood which prompted +it had been Archibald's putting before him again all the old +propositions and his letting it be clearly seen he had never really +abandoned them. + +Then followed a few months of happiness in London. At last he felt +master of his own destiny--free of all that had vexed him, free to +succeed. But the routine of his days was much the same as before. He +studied and wrote and dreamed. Now and again he was allowed to come +and chat with Ingram. Friends of the family made him welcome at their +houses whenever he chose to emerge from the isolation that was natural +to him. At the Medhurst's, in particular, he was almost one of the +family. + +But, some time after Morgan's leaving home, Archibald Druce retired +from active affairs and began to acquire the taste for reading. And +now came a great change in Archibald's attitude. Morgan one day +realised with astonishment that his father had become perfectly +reconciled to the idea of his following a literary career, nay, that +he was now proud of having a son who was a man of letters. Archibald, +in fact, seemed to be relishing the literary atmosphere tremendously. +He made constant additions to his library, consulting Morgan as to the +choice of books, and spent a great part of his time amid its oaken +magnificence. He read very many novels, buying the newest ones as they +appeared. When Morgan's first volume of poems was published, Archibald +went about in a state of intense excitement. He bought fifty copies to +give away, and never went abroad without carrying one in his pocket. +He bragged and boasted about Morgan, till one might have imagined the +latter had scornfully refused the laureateship. + +Morgan, however, had no great respect for his father's literary +judgment. It was all very well when he came to him for advice about +his reading, but there were times when the banker did not hesitate to +lay down the law, for he was growing accustomed to a respectful +hearing on the part of his friends, which was somewhat spoiling him. +All his world knew he had trouble with his eyes. As a matter of fact, +his sight was scarcely worse than it had been for years, his visual +weakness being little more than imaginary, and but one of the +manifestations of his literary phase. + +Altogether, Archibald Druce seemed quite satisfied with Morgan's slow +progress. Once he had finally got rid of the notion of making Morgan a +banker, he was a delightful man to have for a father, a fact which +Morgan fully appreciated. Often had he asked the latter if "he were +all right for money," and Morgan had replied he was; so that he knew +quite well his father would take a very lenient view of his +expenditure and had no desire at all to hold him to the arrangement +made. But Archibald always limited himself to the general question, +and never sought to know whether Morgan was living on his interest or +spending the capital. + +The relation between the two now was a perfectly hearty one. The +banker was glad to have Morgan home for a few days now and again, and +equally enjoyed coming to town occasionally to see him. But in spite +of his father's liberality and cordiality, Morgan's pride, combined +with the sense of his failure, made him determine never to come upon +the paternal purse again. It was this very pride perhaps that had made +him somewhat distort his father's attitude--rather by implication than +by any definite statement--in his last evening's conversation with +Ingram. + +He was but too conscious of that attitude as he waited on the platform +for the train to arrive--it had gradually become an intolerable irony +to him. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +"I'm perfectly ravenous," said Archibald Druce. "We must lunch at +once." + +Morgan restrained his usual impatient stride, falling in with the +slow, dignified step of his sire, who, though of broad build, would +have been as tall as his son, had it not been for a slight stoop, of +which he was proud, as it gave him an air of erudition. + +They repaired to a restaurant close at hand and had a sumptuous lunch +served them. Archibald, who had a weakness for punning, was in one of +his gayest moods, and was not above being occasionally appreciated by +the waiter. Morgan did his best to appear cheerful; he did not wish +his father to suspect anything was amiss. He listened to a humourous +account of home affairs with smiling face, even interposing a few +humourous comments of his own. Eventually he enquired about his +father's eyesight and Archibald's face brightened still more. Soon the +banker grew eloquent on the subject, detailing all the minute symptoms +a morbid attention had detected. + +"But I've great faith in John--he's the cleverest oculist in the +Kingdom. And so I thought I'd better come up to town and see him +before--ha, I was just going to let my secret slip out!" + +And Archibald sipped his coffee and beamed at Morgan behind his gold +spectacles. + +"That sounds like a direct encouragement to me to be inquisitive," +said Morgan. + +"Well, if you'd like to know the secret, it's simply this: I'm going +to write a book." + +"What about?" Morgan's tone and gesture summed up his amused +astonishment. + +"A good many things," answered Archibald, his face assuming a serious +expression. "You see, I've got into the habit of thinking a good deal +of late, and I've come to the conclusion I ought to be putting my +thoughts down on paper. New ideas occur to me almost every day, and +I'm really beginning to feel that a man like myself can derive more +mental culture from the free play of his own original thought than +from simply following other men's, however admirable it be. The latter +course rather encourages a certain mental laziness, whereas in +thinking for oneself so many points occur which cannot be passed over +till they have been wrestled with and vanquished. Now yesterday, for +instance, some very stiff problems occurred to me--as thus: Can a man +justly lay claim to merit for the talents he possesses, and is it +immodest of him to let others perceive by his conversation that he is +quite aware he possesses them? Or, on the contrary, is not the fact +that he is talented purely a piece of good fortune, and would it not +be the merest humbug on his part to pretend to be blind to it? Again, +if a man performs what is called a good deed, ought he to claim merit +for that? Does not the performance of such a deed give one pleasure, +and is not that pleasure the real end in view? It has struck me of +late that on such points there's a great confusion of thinking, and +between ourselves, Morgan, I've been lately arriving at conclusions +that most people would call revolutionary and dangerous. But I set +truth above all things, and I can't do better than devote my remaining +years to its service. Now, I think I have really sufficient material +for an original and interesting volume. I have been a man of affairs +all my days, and I think the views of such a man who has lived in +contact with the world should at least be as valuable as those of a +college professor who has been secluded from it. It is really about +this volume I propose to write that I want to consult you. I have made +a memorandum of a few points I should like to thresh out thoroughly +with you." + +Morgan was rather startled at this sudden and serious awakening of +literary ambition in his father, though he had before now had many a +hint that he was wrestling with formidable ethical and moral +difficulties. He could see Archibald had set his heart on writing the +book, so he could not do otherwise than encourage him. It would simply +keep him enjoyably occupied, and, as the task would no doubt cause him +to dip into accredited works on ethical science, he would ultimately +discover that the problems he had chanced upon were not quite so +original as he supposed. + +But even while Morgan discussed the idea with his father, he had a +curious dream-like consciousness of his own affairs, which somehow +seemed to be retarded by this appearance of the banker in London. And, +all the time he was endeavoring to concentrate himself on the +conversation, he was aware of that floating vision which had never +ceased to haunt him. + +Minute details respecting the work were gone into, even to the colour +of the paper on which it was to be written. Morgan did not know +whether blue or buff was the more restful for the eyes, and the +question was left open for John Medhurst to decide. Archibald looked +tremendously pleased at his son's reception of his project, and it +certainly raised his opinion of Morgan's judgment. + +"I'm glad to see you've not been spoiled by success, Morgan," he could +not help saying. + +It was a strange irony, Morgan thought, that his father's acceptance +of him should be so complete just when he himself had finally +abandoned all hope. The reflection would have been a bitter one had he +not found Archibald's pride in him amusing, in view of the latter's +new theories about "merit." + +Later on, at the hotel, Archibald produced the copy of the "Pleiad," +which contained the verses inspired by Margaret Medhurst's younger +sister, and insisted on reading them aloud. His paternal pride was +more than satisfied by the small sum total of Morgan's published work, +and each little addition to it furnished an occasion of great +excitement for him. + +Of course, Ingram was mentioned before long, and Morgan had to say +that that gentleman and he were no longer friends. Archibald said he +was sorry, and looked it. He considered Ingram a great author, and the +breach rather a misfortune. + +"Is there no hope of smoothing things over?" he asked. "Why not take +me into your confidence? I flatter myself I have had some experience +in patching up even serious differences between people, and you know +I'm at your disposal." + +Time had, indeed, brought about a strange reversal of role between the +banker and Ingram. + +Morgan explained that Ingram had behaved in such a way as to make him +revise his estimate of him, but that it would scarcely serve any +purpose to go into details. + +The banker again said he was sorry, and looked it still more than +before. Anyhow, as the subject was so obviously disagreeable to +Morgan, he would not allude to it again. + +In the afternoon they took a little stroll together, and, after +partaking of a cup of tea, they parted, promising to see each other at +Wimpole Street. + +"By the way," said his father, at the last moment, "I hear from Katie +that they haven't seen very much of you of late, and that you had +struck them as pre-occupied. She even seemed rather doubtful about +your coming this evening. I hope you don't stick too long at your +desk. I've long since found out that sort of thing is a mistake." + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Morgan arrived rather late at Wimpole Street, for father and son had +dallied almost till evening. However, he was the earlier of the two, +and he took the opportunity of presenting Diana with the stamps he had +got together for her and of chatting with her about her collection and +her newest acquisitions. He was relieved to find that Mrs. Medhurst +gave him his usual warm welcome, but at the same time he felt rather +guilty about his unsuspected intention to cease all relations with the +family. This house was more associated with happiness for him than any +other place in the world; he had passed in it perhaps the best moments +of his life. He had always been a favourite with the Medhursts, and +they had believed in him and taken his part even in the early days +when he had been looked at askance in his own family. + +Were oblivion of all else possible, he would have felt to-night +supremely happy, for that needed but the sole condition of his being +where he was. But he thought of the borrowed money in his pocket, of +the charred remains of his manuscripts, of his hopeless love for +Margaret, now so near him, speaking to him, of the vague future to +which he was going to abandon himself. And the comfort he could not +help finding here mingled strangely with the emotions that troubled +his spirit and gave him a quivering sense of unrest. + +The link between him and the Medhursts had been from the first one of +more than ordinary friendship. For, some thirty years before, when +Mrs. Medhurst was only seventeen, Archibald Druce had been a suitor +for her hand. But her romance with John Medhurst had already begun, +and she waited to marry her true love seven years later. Though +Archibald married within a few years of his rejection, he had all but +kept Kate to her promise to be a sister to him all his life. Certainly +he had remained one of her most devoted admirers. + +Mrs. Medhurst was still beautiful, and even Morgan admitted that she +was just the mother a girl like Margaret ought to have. Her face was +winning and sweet, and the simplicity of her attire held no suggestion +of severity. Morgan's eye was pleased by the quiet harmony of the gray +silk dress with its silver girdle and its touches of silver at the +throat and wrists. + +Margaret herself was only just nineteen. Taller than her mother by +half a head, she was built with a slender grace and a rare purity of +outline. A somewhat high forehead lent her distinction, perhaps +accentuating the shade of thoughtfulness that was characteristic of +her expression, and that never clashed with its sweetness; rather were +the two qualities blended into a charming spirituality. Her dark blue, +velvety eyes suggested the clear depth of a stream, her cheeks were +modelled in a full, soft curve, her nostrils were delicately +chiselled, and her mouth was small, red and sweet. The neck showed +cool and white above the silver-blue of her girl's soft, silk evening +gown that came almost to her throat. Margaret rather affected +silver-blue--she knew quite well it made her adorable; for, being a +sweet human being, she had just a charming touch of vanity, and would +have been less charming without it. The only other note of colour was +given by the quaint silver buckle at her waist, for the sash was of +the same material as the gown itself. + +At sixty-three, Archibald Druce--for the old fellow's heart was still +susceptible--worshipped her almost as much as he had once worshipped +her mother. And Morgan had only realised how she had grown into his +spirit just when despair had begun to show itself again. The discovery +had perhaps given him a fresh spurt of hope, but the charred mass had +marked the end of that. + +John Medhurst was somewhat past fifty, and his beard was getting just +a little grey. He was of medium height, and wore spectacles himself--a +fact which, in view of his profession, had given Archibald endless +material for humour. His manner and voice alike were singularly soft +and gentle. He possessed both a sense of humour and a quiet humour of +his own; and his laugh was always ready to ring out. Sometimes it +struck Morgan that Margaret's features were hinted at in his face even +more than in Mrs. Medhurst's, but so subtly, that the resemblance +would seem to vanish for long stretches of time, and he would only be +able to detect it at odd moments. + +Archibald arrived quite half an hour late, so that his ferocious knock +and ring caused general rejoicing. His spirits invariably mounted as +soon as he set foot on the Medhursts' doorstep, and, once within the +house, he overflowed with jest and laughter, extracting fun and +merriment from anything and everything, making rather a terrible noise +and enjoying every instant. + +"My scamp of a boy and I got talking together," he explained, in +high-pitched apology. "Now, Morgan has some ideas in that head-piece +of his"--here he tapped his son playfully on the skull--"so that when +we two _do_ get talking together, we both find it so fascinating that +we lose all count of time. I've had quite a rush to get here, though I +see Morgan has raced me. I suppose that, at my age, I mustn't +expect----" + +"To keep pace with the youngsters." + +Margaret finished the sentence for him in playful anticipation of his +platitudinarianism. Archibald took her in his arms and kissed her on +the forehead, with a "No harm at my age, my dear," after which he +laughed gleefully, and proceeded to kiss Diana on the lips, adding: +"No harm at _your_ age, my dear." + +"I'm thirteen, and I shall really not allow that sort of thing any +more," said Diana, severely. + +"Not from me--your sweetheart!" exclaimed Archibald. "Ah! I +understand," he went on. "It's the grown-up frock." + +She was in a shaped dress to-day, but he had recalled her as she was +in her poke-bonnet days, when she had been wont to accept the same +kind of salutation without demur. It did not seem so very long ago +since he had seen her bare-kneed, in short, crimson skirts and all +sorts of fantastic caps and brilliant turbans; and he now reminded her +of the fact, undeterred by the haughtiness of her mien and the +arrogantly rippling masses of golden-brown hair, just a shade darker +than Margaret's. + +She gave him a withering glance that asked how he dared! + +"Perhaps it's not the frock. It's the poem in the 'Pleiad.' Morgan has +turned her head," recommenced Archibald. + +"Morgan, take me down, please," said Diana, majestically ignoring her +tormentor, who thereupon offered his arm to Mrs. Medhurst, and +Margaret and her father brought up the rear. + +But when they came to take their seats, they somehow got mixed up +again, so that Morgan found himself next to Margaret, whilst Diana and +Archibald sat opposite. Morgan had more than a suspicion that this was +the result of adroit manoeuvring on Diana's part. Very soon, however, +there arose such a clattering dispute between that young lady and her +neighbour, that Morgan could not talk to his, which made him rather +angry. Anyhow, it was impossible not to be amused after a while by the +altercation, for Diana's tongue was ready and brisk and attacking. +Margaret was a far less militant character, and would never strike, +were there the slightest chance of wounding. Diana's aim was always to +wound, and to wound deeply, provided it was some dear friend she was +pitted against. + +In view of the fact that this was the last visit he purposed to the +Medhursts, Morgan had been feeling that a close conversation with +Margaret would prove too much of an ordeal for him, and he had +determined to talk to her as little as possible. But somehow he did +not find himself welcoming the practical inhibition from the other +side of the table; it gave him a sense of frustrated desire. If his +will made him say "I must not talk to her intimately, for I shall lose +all the ground I have gained by purposely avoiding this house so long; +I shall be drawn back close to her and, as the parting must come +nevertheless, the greater will be its anguish," his temperament made +reply: "What! you calculating effects, whose business has always been +poetry? Let your business still be poetry, but weave it out of life +instead of words. Abandon yourself without underthought. Live in that +wonderful region which is here, even as it is everywhere, but in which +only the souls of poets may wander and rejoice." And his temperament +prevailed over his will. He allowed the full flow of love to flood his +spirit. Great poems were summed up in one quick flash; in a second he +lived through a century of fine words. + +And, as if divining his thought, she turned to him and spoke. Her +words seemed softly to ring through the din, and he gave himself up to +the full delight of the moment. + +"Do you know, Morgan"--for he was always "Morgan" to everybody +there--"a great change has occurred in my dignity the last few days?" + +"You are to marry a peer," he hazarded. + +"I have risen much higher than that." + +"You were at the utmost height." + +"I only moved in yesterday, with my benches and mess and clay and wax +and tools. Pa had a hole made in the roof and a top light put in. I +feel so pleased with my studio, and, of course, I mean to entertain +there. We shall have such gay times, and I've a fine excuse for +keeping the company young and select." + +"Too high up for old legs?" + +"How shrewd!" she exclaimed. "I see that for real worldly insight one +must go to a poet." + +"Thank you. This is the first time I've been accused of common sense." + +"That is hardly to be wondered at. Your poems have every other +quality. You'll come up and see my studio anyhow?" + +"By moonlight?" + +"No, by candle light. And you the bearer, like the Latin motto on one +of my old school books." + +Meanwhile the combat opposite still raged, and in the end Archibald +and Diana had to be parted almost by force. Diana sent a final shot +from the door, and then scampered away. + +"The little rogue!" murmured Archibald, and then broke into one of +those unrestrained laughs which he usually reserved for his own +witticisms. + +The three men drew near the fire. Medhurst said something about taking +Diana in hand. She had been somewhat spoiled at school, being looked +upon as a sort of demi-goddess by her classmates. Archibald declared +he wouldn't have her any different for the world. What was the good of +a girl if she was just the same as any other girl? Thence, proceeding +to attack convention, Archibald eventually steered the conversation +round to the contribution he himself purposed making to ethical +philosophy, for he had been waiting for an opportunity to let Medhurst +into the secret. + +"It's curious that the more one thinks, John, the more one gets one's +notions upset. I know quite well that most people would think it a +highly dangerous doctrine to put forward, but I really cannot see that +the man who is a saint deserves any more to be praised than the man +who is a murderer. The murderer is simply unfortunate and ought to be +pitied. Nature gave him the impulse to murder--in fact, on a closer +analysis, all personal responsibility seems to disappear." + +"And what does your wife say to all this? Isn't she rather alarmed?" +asked Medhurst. + +"My wife!" exclaimed the banker, contemptuously. "She's hopelessly +behind the times. Why, she's a perfect child. She takes no interest in +anything beyond the tittle-tattle of the county. We had quite a scene +the other day because I gave expression to my opinion that young +people should be properly instructed in life by means of explanatory +handbooks, instead of being left to gather their knowledge haphazard. +I have never known her to make a single original remark--her +observations are invariably the most obvious. Morgan should be +thankful for the happy hazard of nature which fashioned his brain +rather in the mould of mine than in that of his mother." + +"And so you really intend publishing?" said Medhurst. + +"I am not afraid. People must be taught to look the problems of life +straight in the face. Truth must be driven home, my dear John, and it +is my intention to say some pretty straight things to the world." + +"Have you yet fixed on a title?" asked Medhurst, secretly amused at +this sudden, strange development on the part of his old friend. + +"Ah! there's just the difficulty. It was one of the first questions I +put to myself--what about the title? The thing is to get a good +striking one, and that's by no means an easy task. The title of a book +is almost as important as its contents, and, confound it all, my dear +John, I'm blessed if it doesn't take nearly as long to manufacture. +I've been cudgelling my brains for the last three months, and I must +confess my mind is an absolute blank so far." + +"Why not call it 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical Thinker?'" suggested +Morgan. "And perhaps you might add a sub-title--'An attempt to +investigate some questions of primary importance that are usually +shelved.' How does that strike you?" + +"Splendid!" exclaimed Archibald, enthusiastically. "'Plain Thoughts of +a Practical Thinker'--the very thing. 'An attempt to investigate some +questions of primary importance that are usually shelved.' Admirable! +'Practical Thinker!' That is just the idea I want to convey to the +world. I am not one of your mere dreamers, your theorists, your college +professors. I speak as one who has had a large experience of men and +affairs, as one who has for years administered the fortunes of a great +house. And yet I have sufficient of the thinker and the idealist in me +to have begotten a son whose name will live in English letters. It will, +Morgan, I tell you. You are a little bit misunderstood now, but what +great man has ever escaped misunderstanding? I expect to be misunderstood, +but if they think I am to be howled down--'Plain Thoughts of a Practical +Thinker!' A perfect inspiration! Suppose we join the ladies. I want to +tell Kate about it." + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +While Archibald unfolded his literary scheme to Mrs. Medhurst, Diana +mimicking his enthusiastic gestures at a safe distance, Morgan and +Margaret sat apart in that region of the drawing-room which lay +nearest the door. She had been telling him about some parties she had +gone to, and he, terribly jealous of the men who had danced with her, +made pretence to rally her about them. She, however, remained quite +calm, admitting cheerfully she _had_ a good many admirers, who filled +her programme, and whom it was always pleasant to meet. Then they were +both silent and looked at each other. + +"Once upon a time," said Margaret, deciding at length to speak her +mind; "_you_ used to be one of those who wrote on my programme. Now +you never appear anywhere. I suppose you are afraid you might have to +talk to me a little." + +"You are unjust," he said somewhat bitterly. "It is not kind of you to +say such things." + +"If a friend suddenly develops a distaste for one's company and +manifests it as markedly as you have, how can one be blind to it? You +are a changed man, Morgan. In two months you have come here once to +tea, and you had not even the decency to put on a cheerful face. Such +a lackadaisical expression you had! And not even an enquiry about my +great works. You seemed to be saying the whole time, 'How you +commonplace people depress me--me, the genius, the genius; you are +killing my inspiration.'" + +Something in his look checked her. + +"Genius suffers from fits of melancholy as well as from fits of +inspiration," he reminded her. + +"Poor Morgan!" said Margaret, softening. "And so you've had a fit of +melancholy! What a long one, too! All the same, I ought to reproach +you for not believing in our sympathy. Well, I suppose now I may tell +mamma not to be afraid to send you a card for our dance next month." + +"I had no idea your mamma was so timid a person," he said, with +successful evasion. "And how goes Chiron, how the Spanish marauder? +And how much did you get for them?" he went on gaily, in one breath. +"You see I am well posted in your affairs." + +"Well, since you _are_ a little bit interested, come." + +Instinctively they looked towards the other group. Archibald still +harangued Mrs. Medhurst, endeavouring to prove to her that John's +abilities were no merit of his, any more than her beauty was a merit +of hers. A happy accident was the cause of either, and he had been +intellectually wrong in lavishing so many compliments on her during +all these years. + +Morgan and Margaret left the room quietly, and stole up the stairs on +tip-toe, like two children at play. Right on the top landing Margaret +threw open a door, and Morgan peered into a shadowy abyss, for the one +gaslight was round a corner by which its rays were cut off from this +part of the landing. + +"The candle is on a ledge in the hall," explained Margaret, +disappearing within the darkness; and in a second he heard her strike +a light. + +"This is the hall," she went on. "I insisted on pa having it +partitioned off from the rest of the room--though, as you see, only by +a sort of green baize screen that doesn't reach to the ceiling. But it +makes the place ever so much more romantic." + +Morgan stepped into the tiny vestibule, which was fitted with a little +oak table, and passed through a door in the green baize into the attic +itself. + +"Was I not to be the candle-bearer?" he asked, taking the light from +her. "What a tremendous place!" + +"It's perfectly ripping," said Margaret, "though I reckon it won't +hold more than four of us when we're in a gay mood. That's an old +piano. It takes up a lot of room, but there's still a good deal of +thumping to be got out of it. As yet the place is quite bare, but all +next week I'm going to hunt up odd things in back streets, and when +you come again you'll be astonished at the transformation. All that +mess there covered up in the corner--well, you can guess what it +consists of." + +"And where are Chiron and the Spanish gentleman?" + +"The first casts are on the mantel yonder--lost in the gloom. Pa wants +them for the drawing-room, but I am so childishly pleased, I can't +part with them yet. The moulds were to be destroyed after sixty +examples of each had been taken. I have received twenty-five pounds +each. You see, Morgan, I, too, am a genius." + +On closer examination Morgan found he could conscientiously extol +Margaret's handiwork. From a technical point of view both figures were +excellent, and there was a virility and vigour in the handling which +one would scarcely have associated with the work of a young lady +modeller, and which certainly showed she had towered above her +material. The Spanish Marauder swaggered along in helmet, +breast-plate, doublet and hose, a hare and pheasant slung jauntily +over his shoulder, and his jolly, devil-may-care face, that had +evidently smelt powder, full of an arrogant self-satisfaction. The +Chiron was a strong piece of anatomical modelling. The ancient +centaur, indeed, looked very wise and very noble, and the horse into +which he merged was arranged with quiet skill in its lying posture, so +that not a line, limb, hoof or muscle struck a note of awkwardness. + +"Then you think I really am worth talking to--a little?" asked +Margaret. + +He set down the light on the mantelshelf and somehow found himself +holding her hand. Neither appeared to be aware of the fact. + +"My dear Margaret, I was hoping you had accepted my fit of +melancholy----" + +"You stupid Morgan! I only wanted you to tell me how clever I am. I am +so greedy for praise--because I haven't any of those melancholy fits, +and my vanity must be gratified _somehow_. At least, when I do have +the mopes I always know the reason, and it has never been anything +connected with my genius." + +"What! you don't mean to say that you ever----" + +"Sometimes," she interrupted. "A good deal of late, only, unlike you, +I never let anybody guess." + +"I thought you were a perfectly happy girl in the first flood of +enthusiasm for your work and with all those nice men to admire you." + +Her fingers tightened perceptibly on his. + +"If you continue to plague me about those nice men, Morgan, you shall +not have a single dance next time, but you'll just see those nice men +get them all." + +"I am sure you don't look a bit as if you could devise such cruel +torture." + +"Would it be a very terrible punishment?" + +"I would do any penance to avoid it." + +"You'd look too comic in sackcloth and ashes. Come to my +studio-warming instead." + +"A charming penance, Margaret." + +"Perhaps we ought to go down now," she suggested, irrelevantly. + +He took up the light again. + +"Have you fixed the date for the warming?" + +"Impossible yet. But I'll send you----" + +"Not cards--now you've moved up into Bohemia!" + +"Oh, no. A little pink note. I hope that is the correct thing in +Bohemia, or, at least, that it isn't incorrect." + +"In Bohemia there are no correct things." + +"What an awful place it must be. Whatever one does is wrong." + +"On the contrary, whatever one does is right." + +"Then all things are correct in Bohemia!" + +"How can that be, Margaret? There are things--no, there aren't, +and--and--I'm afraid I've got myself into an awful tangle. You've +quite turned my head with your logic." + +He began to move across the room towards the door. + +"If it's only my logic that turns your head, then I take everything +back. I won't speak to you ever again." + +"My goodness!" began Morgan, losing his wits, forgetting he held the +candle and letting it fall. The light vanished like a spectre. "I beg +your pardon," he ejaculated, in some astonishment, whilst Margaret's +laugh rang out. + +Just as he stooped down to recover the candle, they became aware of +footsteps, and in a moment the handle of the outer door was being +turned. + +"All dark," said Diana's voice. "Then I suppose they're not here--or, +at least, I shouldn't like to think they were. I fancy Marjy put a +candle and matches on the table." + +They heard the sound of her fumbling, and, as if by common +understanding, they remained still as mice. Then Diana declared the +things weren't there, and Archibald suggested they might inspect the +place in the dark. + +"I certainly shall do nothing so improper," returned Diana severely. +"There must be match-light at least. I draw the line at that. Produce +your pretty, golden box." + +Diana opened the green baize door, and Archibald struck a light. + +"Ho, ho!" he said, playfully. + +"We are evidently _de trop_" said Diana. "Let us retire." + +"Be careful," called Margaret. "You'll burn your fingers." + +But the mischief was already done. Archibald uttered a "d--n," threw +down the end of the match and stamped on it wrathfully. + +Morgan picked up the fallen candle, lighted it and replaced it on the +mantelshelf. The wax was broken in the middle, and the top part +leaned disconsolately to one side. + +"We are sorry to have unwittingly interfered with your little +arrangement," said Margaret, curtseying in mock apology. "But you are +quite welcome to make free of my humble abode, so we shall leave you +in possession. Come, Morgan." And the two swept out of the room. + +"Come and lunch with me to-morrow at the hotel," said Archibald to +Morgan, as he got into a hansom an hour later. "We'll spend the +afternoon together. There are some points about my book I want to +settle. 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical Thinker!' Splendid title! +Morgan, you're indeed a genius. 'An attempt to investigate some +questions of primary importance that are usually shelved.' That just +hits it off--the very book I intended to write!" + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +When his father had driven off, Morgan, seized with a restlessness, +began to stroll slowly homeward. He had at least wrung some happiness +from the evening. His love for Margaret had been strong enough to +absorb him, save when at moments his sense of his general position had +obtruded. But now he surrendered himself once more to the mood which +the events of the day had interrupted. + +He was again conscious of the tragedy of his past life with its +culminating episode of the evening before, and of the infinite +possibility that life held of mystery and fantasy--a mystery and +fantasy into which he was going to plunge. The hours he had just +enjoyed, he told himself, must not be allowed to influence him. They +must be sternly isolated from the future; the disattachment of the new +life before him from the wreckage of the old must be complete. + +Wreckage! He used the word deliberately, though he was aware there +were elements in the position that would have made his estimate of it +seem grotesque to many ears. + +He was the son of a father of unlimited wealth, who idolised him now. +In addition to very many acquaintanceships, both in London and the +country, that were pleasant even if they did not occupy the centre of +his consciousness, he had the friendship of Lady Thiselton and the +more intimate though less fantastic relation with the Medhursts. And, +moreover, he was in love with a beautiful and talented girl, who, he +modestly felt, had a great esteem for him--though any other eyes than +those of the diffident lover would have seen at a glance that she +loved him in return. + +How could all these things fail to make a man happy, especially when +the man was only twenty-eight years old? + +But Morgan's happiness was dependent on his attitude towards things, +not on the things themselves. And just now he but perceived all these +elements that might have made another life enviable as so many +ironies. His ambition--his self-realisation and its recognition by his +fellows--had been all in all to him; its abandonment had been the +culmination of anguish infinite. The best years of his youth had been +lost in vain effort, and some of the bitterness of early opposition +that success might have purged still lingered in his spirit. His +nature was proud and sensitive and his very failure made it impossible +for him to ask for more money, even though he knew it would be +forthcoming without stint. What wonder now if he perceived his life as +a tragedy! + +Common Sense would have advised him to put on one side all emotions +and moods that arose out of and summed up the past, all the subtle +feelings that possessed and mastered him; would have urged him to +begin a new epoch, seek the paternal aid, retain his friendships, and +persevere in his love; would have given him assurance of a perfectly +satisfactory outlook if he would but readjust his mental focus. + +But Common Sense is obtuse and safe. Morgan was a mass of fine +sensibility; his temperament was full of subtle light and +shade--therefore dangerous. Plain-souled, clumsy-handed Common Sense, +with perception limited to the thick outlines of character, could not +have comprehended him, and would unwittingly have confessed it by +classifying him contemptuously. + +Morgan had lived his own life--felt it. His present estimation of it +was, therefore, spontaneous; not a cold estimation by mere intellect, +but a living one by his whole complex being. And, as the result, he +was meditating, at this period of pause and summing-up, to carry +forward all that Common Sense would have suppressed, and to suppress +all that Common Sense would have carried forward, to sacrifice all the +inter-relations with others that constituted his outer life--even as +he had already sacrificed the expression of his corresponding inner +life; retaining only his emotional unrest. + +And the seductive picture of the scented serpent-woman, ever smiling +at him now with gleaming teeth, symbolised the future for him, and +alone preserved the continuity of interest that stimulated him to go +forward at all. His attitude, in some respects, was analogous to that +of a romantic boy playing with the idea of running away from home, +drawn by visions of marvellous adventures in strange lands. The sequel +might be vague and in the clouds, but that very fact only made it the +more fascinating. + +His temperament had said to him that evening: "Let your business still +be poetry, but weave it out of life instead of out of words." The +thought resurged in his brain and then it struck him as crystallising +his whole feeling about the future course of his existence, as +furnishing the key to his position. + +To make of life a fantasy, a poem, a dream! The idea was an +illumination. + +But beyond a half-considered intention of changing to humbler rooms +and hiding therein from his world, he did not meditate any definite +activity. The feeling at the bottom of his mind was rather that events +would shape themselves. To this attitude of passivity his whole life +had tended. His will-strength had gone into his passionate desire of +poetic achievement, and were it not that he had, so to speak, grown +into relation with others, his life would have been utterly static. +The movement of their lives alone had taken his along. He had not the +least idea now how he was going to become acquainted with the strange +woman who filled his thoughts, but, without actually translating his +feelings on the point into definite terms, he counted it as a +certainty that a path would somehow be opened. It pleased him, too, to +think that he owed his cognisance of her existence to that first +impulse which had caused him to write to Ingram. That fantastic +initiation had set in motion fantastic life-waves that were now +flowing back to him. + +For others the regularities of existence, the steady round of work, +the care and hoarding of money; for him the mystery and the colour of +life! + +And in a flash of insight he seemed to understand that the poet in him +had already asserted itself in his life as well as in his work. Was it +not the very curiousness of his relationship with Ingram had made it +so palatable? Was it not the strangeness of his friendship with Lady +Thiselton and the originality of her personality that appealed to him +so much, and was it not his imaginative side that had always been so +pleased with both? Was it not his peculiar temperament that had always +made him keep his relation with each person a thing apart, so that +each was unaware of the others; that had made him like to feel that +his life, in a manner, was cut up into strips, along each of which he +could look back with a certain sense of completeness, though it was +only by the nice fusion of all these isolated completenesses that his +existence could be seen as a whole? + +But underneath the imaginative spirit of the poet lay the human spirit +of the man. And if the former predominated the latter was not entirely +dormant. If the poet in him coloured his life and thought, it was the +man in him that felt the results, so that the instincts of the poet +often clashed with the sympathies and affections of the man. Of this +discord within himself he could not help being aware, but he knew it +purely by its effect, for he had never searched deeply into the +complexity of his nature. + +Thus it was that the man in him was grieved at his having had to make +promises of further visits to the Medhursts; was paying for every +grain of happiness wrung from the evening by a reaction of pain +unspeakable. But the poet in him governed, was trying to suppress the +man. + +He was roused from his meditations by a familiar voice when he was but +a few feet from his own door. + +"I have been hovering about for a quarter of an hour." + +He was startled, then laughed. The veiled woman stood on tip-toe and +kissed him on the forehead, he stooping mechanically to meet her +movement. + +"You don't mind the veil?" she said. + +"How did you know I was not indoors and abed by this time?" he asked. + +"I didn't know. I only came to meditate in the moonlight. I have been +enjoying such exquisite emotions. Are you too tired for a promenade +round the circle?" + +He fell in with her humour. + +"Morgan, reproaches have been accumulating. To save time--you know I +never waste any--you shall have them all in one ferocious phrase. You +have been brutal to me of late. I don't mean to say that you've ever +ceased to be charming, but--why, at least, didn't you answer my note?" + +"It only came this morning," he stammered, "and I haven't had time to +read it yet." + +"In other words, you wrinkled your brow as soon as you saw it, made up +your mind I was beginning to be somewhat of a nuisance, and threw it +aside unopened. Of course, you forgot all about it afterwards. You +have a perfect genius for putting crude facts in a delicate way." + +"Another new discovery about me." + +"That is but the natural result of the profound thought I bestow upon +you." + +"Your profound thought contradicts itself. It declares me brutal and +charming with the same breath." + +"Profound thought always contradicts itself. I know it for a fact, +because I've been looking up Hegel. The nice things and nasty things I +say about you arise equally from my love for you, which is thus the +unifying principle. The apparent contradictoriness, therefore, +disappears in a higher synthesis." + +"Quarter! A man can't stand having philosophers hurled at his head." + +"But I kiss your head sometimes. I'm sure I'd much prefer that always, +only you goad me into the other thing." + +"I goad?" + +"Yes. By your masterly inactivity when I am concerned. I have to force +myself into your life, and after we've been chums for three years, +you, left to yourself, ignore my existence. You have such a terrible +power of negative resistance against poor, strong-willed me. But, +after all, you admire me tremendously, don't you, dear Morgan?" + +"I have told you scores of times you are the cleverest woman in the +kingdom." + +"I am the only woman who understands your poetry. I don't mean that as +a bit of sarcasm at the expense of your compliment--I merely want to +show you I deserve it." + +He made no reply. For a few moments there was a silence. + +"How reticent you are to-night!" she said at length. "You usually have +quite a deal to tell me. Are the sentimental chapters preying on your +mind? I do so much want to know about those sentimental chapters, but +you always evade the subject. Tell me, _are_ there any in your life?" + +"Ours was to be an intellectual companionship only." + +"Comprising intellectual sympathy and kissing on the forehead--both +of them chaste, stony, saint-like, tantalising things. But I'd be +content for the time being if I were only sure your heart were +perfectly free. I couldn't bear the thought of your making love to +another woman." + +"You are amusing." + +"I am jealous." + +"Then you have been imagining sentimental chapters for me." + +"Well, being a woman of the world, thirty-three years of age--no +deception, Morgan--and, knowing you have lived twenty-eight, I +naturally suspect the existence of those chapters, you darling sphinx. +And when I suddenly come across a poem from your pen about a sweet +little girl, my suspicion becomes almost a certainty." + +He could not help laughing. + +"That sweet little girl is too concrete, too much away from your +metaphysical manner, to be a mere creation of your brain. What vexed +me particularly was that the most stupid woman I know--I mean my dear +friend Laura--admired the thing and called it a gem. Now I don't like +my monopoly threatened in that way. I have always prayed against your +own prayer. I don't want the world at large to admire you--yet. I want +you, disgusted with the world's non-acceptance of you, to find +consolation in my love. There is a fair proposal for you, Morgan. Love +me, marry me--and after that you may become as great as you like. Your +poetry as yet is my friend, but I begin to feel afraid of it when you +start pictures of sweet little girls." + +He did not take her the least bit seriously--he never did. Her +occasional courtship of him had been always so light and airy, so +dispassionately epigrammatic, that he looked on it as mere whimsical +banter and rather good amusement. She had plagued him into consenting +to that kiss on the forehead which she gave him each time they met, +referring to it constantly as an advantage won by hard effort. The +circumstance of their first meeting had been commonplace enough--a +chance introduction at an afternoon tea. They were friends whilst yet +utter strangers to each other, for a mutual personal magnetism had +acted immediately. He understood that her playfulness did but conceal +fine qualities of character that would have pleased even the +aphoristic moralist, whose conception of the ideal woman she +mercilessly outraged. That she had really understood and appreciated +his work naturally counted a good deal in her favour. He knew her +worth, but of course he did not want to marry her. If to-day there was +a more earnest ring than usual in her love-making, he had got too +indurated to it to believe in it. + +"Who _is_ the sweet little girl?" she insisted. "I repeat, I am +jealous. This is my first experience of that queer emotion, for you +are the first man I have ever loved." + +He found this most amusing of all. + +"Really, Morgan, it is perfectly harassing to have one's tragedy taken +for light comedy. You know my wedded life was unhappy. The late +baronet was absolutely ignorant of Schopenhauer, and even cursed him +to my face for a madman, just because he happened to be my favourite +philosopher. Since I've dipped into Hegel, I've come largely to agree +with my husband's denunciation, though not on the same grounds. Not +that I profess to know anything either about Hegel or Schopenhauer. +Edward always thought me a blue-stocking--me, who have only a woman's +tea-table smattering of philosophy! Why, it takes all the fun out of +life to be a blue-stocking! Edward hadn't any brains. I married him +without love, and in face of his attitude towards Schopenhauer, you +may guess what chance it had of springing up. During the brilliant +years of my widow-hood--eight in number--my heart has remained +positively untouched by anybody but you. It's your childlike +helplessness that fascinates me." + +"You flatter me." + +"There are other things, of course. You've splendid large eyes and +nice, soft, silky hair, and such a pretty curl to your lip. And you've +such a charming, innocent look. If only you'd promise not to write any +more poems about sweet little girls, you'd be perfect." + +Whether it was that her proximity at this moment of inner perturbation +and suffering roused in him an overmastering desire for her sympathy, +or whether her last remark exercised an insidious drawing power, he +did not quite know, but he found himself saying immediately: + +"I can make that promise very easily. I made a bonfire last night." + +She understood at once. + +"Which explains much for which I've been reproaching you!" she +exclaimed sympathetically. "You have been suffering, dear Morgan." + +Her voice had grown soft and coaxing. His determination to shun +everybody could not stand against this real concern for him. In a few +words he told her of his despair and of the dubiousness of his +position. But he could not bring himself to speak of his hopeless +love, or to raise the veil that concealed his other friendships from +her. His comradeship with her had always stood for him as a thing +apart; and this attitude of his towards it had made it the more +charming. It had been quite natural for him to take it entirely by +itself and as unrelated to the rest of his external life. + +"But, my dear Morgan," she protested, "this can't go on. How do you +intend to live?" + +He was glad she did not have recourse to that crude, obvious +suggestion of his begging a replenishment from the paternal coffers. +But he did not know how to reply to her question, which rather made +him regret the turn the conversation had taken. The one future for him +was that in which floated mystically the figure of the scented +serpent-woman, and he felt that that drift of things he was relying on +had begun by a wrong move. + +"Perhaps I shall write stories," he hazarded. + +"You alarm me," she cried. "Your idea is hopelessly impracticable. How +could you possibly hope to rival the Robert Ingrams?" + +"The Ingrams!" he echoed, glancing at her sharply. + +"I only mention him because he happens to be as popular as all the +rest put together, and because I happened to make his acquaintance +some time back." + +Morgan made no remark. He was relieved at her explanation, about which +there was nothing surprising, for he well knew that Ingram moved in +high social latitudes. + +"Besides," she went on, "you would naturally be tempted to draw women +like me, which would simply be courting extinction. Of course, in +Ingram's novels no fashionable lady ever does the things I do, and +the critics would insist I was an utter impossibility. Now, as to the +fifty pounds you've got--before long the sin of that borrowing will +rise up against you and you'll be signing again, signing away whole +pounds of your flesh. And I daresay you overlook you've various little +debts. No doubt you owe your tailor, say a year's account, and then +your rooms are pretty expensive, and quarter-day has a spiteful habit +of swooping down on one four times a year, and--and you mustn't have +to bother your pretty head about all these sordid things." + +This was somewhat of an appalling speech for Morgan, who certainly did +not want to cheat his creditors. And, indeed, it now occurred to him +that he must be indebted to his tailor for quite a large amount. +Although his horror of debts was far above the average, he never +realised the conception "money" as ordinary people realise it. So far +as it figured in his thoughts at all, money was a gorgeous, poetic +unit--the treasure of romance, the gold and silver of fairyland. In +practice, the very abundance of it at his command had till lately kept +his attention from dwelling on it; just as it did not dwell on, say, +the second toe of his left foot--an equally constant factor in his +existence--till some pain might make him aware it was there. His +present forced awareness of the prosaic side of the notion "money" +gave him somewhat of a sense of being caught amid a swirl of +storm-blown icicles. + +"The remedy is simple," he said, at last. + +"It is. I have forty thousand a year. Marry me for my money." + +"Declined, with thanks." + +"So blunt, yet so pointed. A pity it's not original. But I know what +you meant by your remedy. You don't see it would be a double crime, +and you are too good a man even to commit a single one." + +"You mean----" + +"I mean I should follow you. It would be just lovely to be rowed +across the Styx together. Of course, I should have to pay your +obolus." + +"It is getting late. I really think we ought to turn back." + +Lady Thiselton sighed. + +"I must confess I am dejected," she said. "I should like to have a +quiet cry. What are you going to do, Morgan?" + +"Nothing." + +But he knew that would mean bankruptcy, and he had also an unpleasant +conviction that she meant what she said about following him. + +"And even if we did go to throw sugar to Cerberus, your father would +step in and inherit your debts, and you will have sacrificed us both +in vain. The result is the same, whether we go to Whitechapel or to +the other place. You can't make it otherwise. Now, if you won't let me +be your wife, at least let me be a sort of mother to you." + +Her thought met his just at the right junction. He did not answer +because her argument was unanswerable. How else avoid coming on the +paternal purse again? + +"I am only asking you, Morgan, to let me help you live just as you +want to live." + +She spoke with pleading and humility. + +"We shall be towards each other just as we are now," she continued, +"and although I intended to torment you till you agreed I was worth an +occasional kiss on the forehead in return for mine--which would not at +all take us out of the platonic, or rather plutonic, regions in which +you so sternly insist we must abide--I shall give you my word to cease +from active hostilities for six whole months. Just think--I undertake +to be content for the next six months with kissing you on the forehead +once each time. Is that not sufficiently an earnest of my good faith?" + +Again he gave her no answer, and, in the silence that followed, their +footsteps seemed to be echoed back to them. Since to die were futile, +let it be she rather than another that helped him to live. She was a +good friend and a loyal one. Of course, it was repugnant to take money +from a woman, but to take it from anybody else would be still more +repugnant. + +"As is usually the case in life," she again chimed in his thought, +"the choice is not between the good and the less good, but between the +bad and the worse. Believe me, I understand and sympathise with your +hesitations. But between such friends as we are and such original +people to boot, scruples of a conventional kind ought not to enter. +With us money should count for nothing. So please don't choose 'the +worse,' and perhaps 'the bad' won't turn out so very bad after all." + +Still he could not prevail upon himself to accept her generosity, +though conscious he was undeserving of her long-sufferance. + +"If I could but see the least prospect of repaying you, I should not +hesitate so much," he said at last. + +"My dear Morgan, in life one mustn't look too far ahead, else +existence becomes impossible. Let us not bother too much about the +future, but let us seize the flying moments; which means we ought to +go to Whitechapel on Thursday and spend a happy day." + +He was still lost in thought. + +"And your silence--may I put the usual interpretation on it?" + +"I suppose so," he said, shame-facedly. "Please don't think me +ungracious," he added. + +"You very dear person!" she cried; and after that they walked for +fully five minutes without exchanging a word. + +The matter had been decided and, according to their wont, there was no +further manifestation, no further reference to it on either side. Each +understood the other's emotions, and that sufficed. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +"Shall I put you into a hansom?" said Morgan, looking at his watch as +they passed out of the park. "It is getting on towards two." + +"Mayn't I come in and smoke a cigarette?" pleaded Lady Thiselton. "My +nerves have been tried a little, and a few minutes' rest will soothe +me." + +"I fear the lady of the house would not approve." + +"Oh! we shall creep in quietly without disturbing her pious dreams. Do +be nice, Morgan. You know I never smoke any other cigarettes than +yours--I am never wicked except in your company." + +They entered almost noiselessly. + +"How silent the night is," she remarked, "and what a feeling of +sleeping multitudes there is in the air! Suppose the morrow should +dawn and they should never awaken. I am shivering. Your room is cold, +though the moonlight is quite pretty." + +He lighted his reading lamp under its big, green shade. She would not +have the gas--she liked the room full of dusk and shadow. The fire was +ready laid, and Morgan put a match to it, after which he proceeded to +look for the cigarettes. When eventually he turned towards her, he +uttered a suppressed exclamation. + +She had taken off her heavy cloak and her hat and thrown them +carelessly on a chair. She now stood a little to the left of the fire, +her face half turned towards it, and was busy removing her long +gloves. Her features, amid which nestled mystic trembling shadows, +showed bloodless, as though carved of ivory, and her great, dark brown +eyes were wonderfully soft and caressing. Her hair ran in a flowing +curve off the warm white pallor of her brow till it was lost beyond +the ear. Almost on top of her head it lay in a coil, bound with a +wide, green velvet band that was fastened in front with a great +emerald. Her throat, neck and shoulders rose with the same dull, +smooth whiteness, and with an exquisite firmness, from the strange, +green velvet costume it had pleased her to wear, and were set in its +gold border that glowed and sparkled with smaller emeralds. The robe +curved in at the waist, defining the adorable grace of her figure and +falling to the ground in gleaming folds and strange contrasts of light +and shade. And on each side hung a long, open sleeve with bright +yellow lining spread out to the view--a wide, descending sweep of gold +in glistening contrast with the deep green of the costume. + +She had now placed her gloves on the same chair, and her long, bare +arms showed in all the firm beauty of warm ivory tones, without a +touch of rose in their whole length, even to the very finger tips. A +thick, gold bracelet encircled the wrist of her right hand. On the +other hand the gleam of ornament was given by the wedding ring and a +similar ring on the same finger set with a limpid diamond. + +"Well," she said, smiling. + +"You have taken me unawares. One moment you are a soberly clad person, +and the next a queenly blaze." + +"The moonlight is really wonderful. Turn out the lamp and let me play +the 'Moonlight Sonata.'" + +"No, smoke your cigarette instead," he suggested. + +"You are afraid I might cause the good lady pleasant dreams instead of +pious ones. Thank you, dear." + +He held her a light, and, after she had taken a puff or two, she +passed her cigarette to him. + +"Your tribute, Morgan," she demanded. + +He took a puff and passed it back to her. Then, when she had smoked a +little: + +"It is delicious," she said. "Your lips have given it their sweetness +of honey, their fragrance of myrrh." + +She leaned leisurely against the mantel, whilst he drew a chair for +himself to the opposite corner of the fire. The great emerald gleamed +through a dainty cloud of smoke. + +"It is lovely here," she said at last. "Such moments as these are the +happiest of my life. One's nature must rebel sometimes against being +driven along the prescribed lines. There are sides to one's soul, +absolutely unallowed for in the ordinary scheme of civilized +existence. But instead of letting me moralise, you might be saying +some nice things." + +"About what?" + +"About me, of course." + +"Oh! I am enjoying the spectacle you present." + +"I built a palace in the air, and, lo and behold! it has proved to be +a real palace. I went up to my room to-night and was feeling fanciful +and sentimental, which means, of course, I was thinking about you. And +then I imagined this whole scene--only a little different; I in this +dress, and you at my feet, worshipping me and calling me all +sorts of sweet names. And I was coy and held back!" + +She paused a moment and laughed merrily. + +"Of course," she went on, "I could not resist putting on the costume +in order to get nearer the real feeling of such a scene, and it was so +delicious that I at once wrapped myself up and come here in a cab. The +maid told me you were not expected till late. It's very amusing, by +the way--that girl really believes I'm your sister! So I made a +descent on dear, stupid Laura--the admirer of your sweet-little-girl +poem--and whiled away an hour or so. All muffled up, of course. Her +heart's weak, you know. Then I strolled back here. And now my +imaginary scene is being enacted. Not exactly as I imagined it, but I +know the realities of existence and the usual tragic fate of +expectations, and so I have reason to feel ecstatic over the result. +Besides, I think I really do look very nice. The contractor for the +clay must accidentally have supplied a little of the first quality at +the time I was made. He must have torn his hair on finding out the +mistake. Come, Morgan, kiss me on the forehead." + +She put the cigarette on the mantel, prettily blew away the smoke, and +held her two splendid arms towards him. But he did not move. + +"I'll even put on the veil and keep my hands behind me, like a good +child." + +"Helen! Please," he protested. + +"Forgive me," she said, and there was a strain of pathos in her voice. +"For the moment I forgot my promise--I was fancying this was a mere +continuation of my vision. But I shall not do it again--I shall bite +out my tongue first." + +He was moved, and awoke to the understanding that he had not yet +estimated, according to the ordinary reckoning of the world, the +pecuniary favour he had accepted from her. The fact that he felt shame +at the resource of which circumstances forced him to avail himself +could not affect his sense of her nobility, and it was a true instinct +of gratitude that made him rise in order to bestow what she had ceased +to demand. But, somewhat to his astonishment, she waved him back. + +"No, Morgan; I really meant what I said, and you must not think I am +only tricky." + +After which he felt forced to pin her to her request, protesting her +honesty was not in dispute. + +"You know I am to be trusted," she whispered demurely. "I am so glad +you did not insist on the veil. I must really smoke another cigarette +to get calm; I am as agitated as a girl getting her first kiss." + +"And I'll smoke another to keep you company," he said. + +"Let us meet clandestinely somewhere on Thursday about ten o'clock," +she said a little later. "It makes it ever so much more piquant to +proceed mysteriously. We shall lunch in those parts. I must be home +again by five, as I have a small dinner-party. I have an idea, Morgan. +One of my men writes he won't be able to turn up. You've never dined +at my house in state. Come and fill the vacant place." + +He shook his head. His instinct was to refuse without considering. She +insisted a little, but, seeing his heart was against it, left the +subject, turning gaily to something else. + +Soon he went out with her and saw her into a hansom. It was past two +when he bade her good-night, having agreed to a rendezvous for +Thursday in the heart of the city. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +It was a little past mid-day, and Archibald Druce, who had returned an +hour before from an early morning professional appointment with +Medhurst, was feeling restless and lonely. Morgan was not due till +half-past one, and so the old man wandered disconsolately about the +hotel, seeking some congenial spirit with whom to hold converse. At +length, peering into the smoking-room, he discovered a white-haired, +stately gentleman, with a somewhat military air, whose grave +appearance was encouraging. With him Archibald began an exchange of +civilities, and very soon launched out into an account of his +interview of that morning. + +"I assure you, my dear sir," said the banker, though the other had not +questioned the fact in any way, "I can see absolutely nothing. The +room is a perfect blur, and I fear I dare not venture out into these +crowded London thoroughfares for the rest of the day. The worst of it +is that the introduction of the cocaine into my eyes has been of no +avail. Of course my eminent friend could not know I was possessed of +such remarkable eyes, and as it was necessary for him to see into +them, no blame attaches to him for having adopted the usual means of +causing my extremely small pupils to expand. Now the curious point is +that my pupils were totally unaffected by the cocaine, and I fear my +eminent friend had to work on me under difficulties. The couple of +hours I spent with him in his wonderful workroom have, however, proved +exceedingly profitable to me. I assure you, my dear sir, they have +been most instructive." + +"No doubt," said the military person, his fingers fidgetting uneasily +with his newspaper. + +"Between ourselves," continued Archibald confidentially, "I rather +imagine that my friend enjoyed the time I spent with him. It is not +often he gets a really intelligent patient to work on--in fact, he +found me so appreciative that he exhibited especially some profoundly +interesting experiments. Amongst other things, he threw a gigantic +representation of my retinal system of blood vessels on to a white +screen merely by turning a strong light sideways into my eye. And the +explanation of it was quite simple. The retinal vessels stand out +slightly in relief, and thus a perfect shadow of the system is cast on +the retina. It was this shadow I saw, and the white screen was merely +a convenient background for it. I don't know if I make myself clear." + +"Perfectly clear, perfectly," said the military person. + +"Indeed, John Medhurst seemed quite loth to part with me. I quite +believe he enjoyed the experiments as much as I did. He brought out +his books and very kindly allowed me to inspect the plates--and +extraordinarily fine plates they are!--and thus acquire some idea of +the inner mechanism of the human eye. What a truly wonderful place the +universe is--wonderful!" + +"That no intelligent man can deny," said the military person. + +"My friend holds a most distinguished position in his profession, and +I esteem it a great honour and privilege to be on such intimate terms +with him," said Archibald, offering a cigar to the other and lighting +one himself. "Now you know," he went on, in a somewhat softened and +more intimate tone; "there's quite a little bit of a romance in the +story of our friendship." + +"Indeed," said the military person more genially, his palate savouring +the exquisite aroma of the cigar. + +Archibald smiled tenderly. + +"His wife's an old flame of mine," he explained, veiling his emotion +with jocular phraseology. "An old flame, did I say? I'm still over +head and heels in love with her. But I was too late--she and John had +already made their little arrangements. And very soon after John and I +became friends, and friends we've remained to this day. Kate has two +of the loveliest girls, and I'm hanged if I'm not head over heels in +love with them as well. The younger one is a regular little +she-devil!" + +"Ha! ha! ha!" guffawed the military person. + +"Upon my honour she is," insisted Archibald. "Why, she flirts +outrageously with me. I'm sure I don't know how many heads the little +witch is going to turn when she grows up. And her sister, Margaret--I +couldn't tell you which of the two I like the better--has quite an +extraordinary talent for plastic art. I mean to give her a commission +before I return to my place. I'd like for one thing to have a bust of +her mother in my study--that would be so inspiring. And long ago I +took a fancy to have a nice sphinx. A thing of that kind, you know, is +good to remind one of man's intellectual limitations." + +"I suppose so," said the military person, vaguely. + +"Her figures are extremely lifelike. Just imagine, a thing cast in +dead bronze to have all the reality of life so that you would almost +expect it to move." + +"She must be a highly-gifted young lady." + +"You will scarcely credit it, my dear sir, but she is only +nineteen--on my word of honour," said Archibald with growing +enthusiasm. "Only the other day she sold two of her things for +twenty-five pounds apiece. Twenty-five pounds apiece!" he repeated +slowly, as if that represented to him a gigantic amount. "The examples +are to be strictly limited to sixty of each, after which the moulds +are to be destroyed. They are both magnificent pieces of work. Why, +you fancy you almost hear Chiron's voice and the twanging of his +harp." + +"Indeed," said the military person. + +"She is perfectly sweet and beautiful as well as clever," went on +Archibald. "Now my dog of a boy, between ourselves--ha! ha! ha!----" + +"He's a bit smitten?" suggested the military person. + +Archibald laughed gleefully. "And I fancy that a certain clever young +lady of nineteen who knows how to model is also a bit smitten. Only my +boy doesn't seem to come to the point. But then he's a poet." + +"A what?" inquired the military person, startled. + +"A poet," stoutly repeated Archibald. "And a very great poet, I +venture to assert, he will be one of these fine days. Naturally he is +not a man of action--he is a dreamer. But when I wanted Kate I wasn't +satisfied just to go on dreaming about her--ha! ha! Now if my boy +would only stop dreaming and just get married instead, I'd settle as +much on them as ever they'd want. You see, a genius like my son," he +went on, lowering his voice almost to a whisper, "must be exempt from +the sordid cares of money-earning, and my eminent friend, though his +position in life is an extremely honourable one, is not a man of +means. He may have put by a bit out of his hard-earned income, but, as +I always say to him, he wants that against a rainy day. But it's no +use my talking to him--he will keep on worrying about his girls having +no fortunes. 'And suppose they don't marry,' says he; and I have +positively to laugh him into a more cheerful mood. 'Don't be a fool, +John,' I say to him, 'those two girls are worth all the fortunes in +the world, and the man who didn't think as much wouldn't be worth +marrying.'" + +"Your views are extremely generous," said the military person. "They +do you credit." + +"Not at all, my dear sir," said Archibald, looking pleased; "my views +are simply rational. I consider the blind worship of mere money an +utter mistake. There are higher things in life. I may say I am in +entire sympathy with my son's aspirations. By the way, it occurs to me +that the extraordinary refusal of my pupils to expand under cocaine +may be but another manifestation of the remarkable nervous system that +characterises my family. It may be connected in some mysterious way +with my son's genius. But possibly, sir, you may know my son?" + +"I fear I have not that honour. I know only one literary gentleman--he +is the editor of the 'Christian Bugle.' Might I suggest that we +exchange cards?" + +"Willingly," said Archibald. "Very happy to make your acquaintance, +Major Hemming," he resumed, after the mutual self-introduction had +been effected. "My son is to be here shortly, when you will have the +opportunity of meeting him. Perhaps you will do us the honour of +lunching with us?" + +"I should be delighted, but unfortunately I am lunching with a +friend." + +"I am sorry we are not to have the pleasure," said Archibald. "But +perhaps you would like a copy of my son's book. It is but a small +volume, as you see." And Archibald pulled the parchment-bound, +deckle-edged booklet from his outer breast pocket. "Don't hesitate, my +dear sir, it will give me pleasure if you will accept it." + +"You are most kind," said the Major. "I shall look forward to reading +it with the utmost pleasure." + +"I am sure you will agree that only a genius could have written those +poems," said Archibald. + +"I have no doubt but what I shall form a high opinion of your son's +gifts," said the Major. + +"Being of a literary temperament myself," went on Archibald, "I +happily have been able to appreciate his. I do not want him to work +for money, and I have, therefore, put him on a sound financial basis. +So far, he appeals only to a very select section of the public. But he +has not written a line which he has not been inspired to write. As +regards the general public--I myself, in my humble way, have become +aware of the indifference and stupidity of the general public. When, +after thorough re-examination of every point of my mental position, I +try and speak plainly to such of my fellow-men as I have the +opportunity of addressing, I am met with an absolute want of +intelligent comprehension. However, I intend to say what I have to +say, and I am now at work on a volume, the nature of which you will +sufficiently gather from its title: 'Plain Thoughts of a Practical +Thinker--an attempt to investigate some questions of primary +importance that are usually shelved.'" + +"An excellent idea, sir." + +"To give you an example of the narrowness even of people who occupy a +high position in the social sphere, whenever I have ventured to assert +my sincere belief that children should be instructed in life by means +of competent handbooks instead of being allowed to pick up their +knowledge in a haphazard, more or less dangerous fashion, I have been +met with a frigid politeness, behind which the shocked disapproval was +but too manifest." + +"Humph!" said the Major. "I must confess your proposition is certainly +a startling one." + +"It is a common-sense one," said Archibald, curtly. + +"Pardon me," said the Major, somewhat stiffly, "but I do think that in +the interests of morality and religion it would be exceedingly +unfortunate if your ideas were generally adopted." + +"I am perfectly prepared to argue the point," said Archibald, drawing +himself up, whilst his eye flashed with the light of battle. + +"I fear I have no time just now," said the Major, glancing at his +watch. "I must be off. I wish you a very good morning, sir." + +"Morgan, my boy," cried the banker, when that gentleman at last +appeared, "I've spent the last hour tackling one of the most terrible +Philistines I have ever met." + + +END OF BOOK I. + + + + +BOOK II. + + +CHAPTER I + + +"Which way do we go?" asked Lady Thisleton, as they stood hesitating +at a crossing-stage in Broad Street, City. "Wouldn't it be nice to +stay here and philosophise?" + +She was dressed as plainly as possible in a dark brown coat and skirt, +and wore a small hat and veil, so that she was not in the least +conspicuous. Both she and Morgan, having entered on the day's +adventure, were determined to enjoy it, though his mood was far from +being whole-hearted. And, as they surveyed the slow medley of +omnibuses that moved between them and the pavement they were struck by +the scene in the same impersonal way. They did not feel that they +formed any part of it; they saw it as with the eyes of a floating, +invisible spirit. To them it was collective movement and +colour--movement in the hurrying streams pouring from every exit of +the giant stations, in the massed chaos of vehicles, in the sense of +bustle and business and purpose; colour in the crudities of blue, +green, yellow, red, that flared from omnibuses and shop windows, and +that yet were fused into the dun monochrome of town, to the +overwhelming sense of which asphalt and paving and street lamp and +stone buildings and sober costumes all contributed, and with which the +very hubbub seemed to blend. + +A vague feeling of tragedy seemed to invade them as their eyes rested +on all this life; but it was the result of an intellectual +perception, not of a sympathetic realisation and comprehension of this +throbbing reality. As for Morgan, the scene made him remember he had +once tried to wrestle with political economy and had disliked it +tremendously, and the thought made him smile. + +"Why do you smile?" said Lady Thiselton. "Certainly it is not gay +here. I feel quite overwhelmed. All these faces--pre-occupied, +cheerful, sad, worn, despairing, hopeful, starved, well-fed--suggest +such a whirl. I invent a whole biography for each one that catches my +eye. I wonder how far I am right--I who am only a woman of the world; +which means I know nothing of life outside of my own four walls and a +few other four walls that more or less resemble them. But it's all +really lovely, isn't it, Morgan? What suffering must be here! You +can't imagine how I'm enjoying everything. Of course I sympathise as +well. But mine is a sort of artistic sympathy. I'm not noble enough to +feel the real thing. Isn't it all interesting?" + +"There's a policeman staring at us suspiciously." + +"Then we'd better move on. The good policeman's dream of paradise must +be a place in which he is the one static soul and in which the blest +keep passing on to all eternity." + +They crossed the road and moved along with the crowd. The bells of St. +Botolph's struck ten as they turned into Bishopsgate. + +"I feel the mediaeval spirit coming on and begin to see visions of +highly-coloured Lord Mayors and aldermen and burghers and beef-eaters. +And somehow Dick Whittington and his cat are mixed up with it all, and +exhibitions with glass roofs and careful craftsmen and apprentices, +and Christopher Wren. Alas and alack! Where is old London?" + +"I don't know," said Morgan. "But I do know where Whitechapel is. We +have to pass through Houndsditch. I looked it up on the map to refresh +my memory. I have always found Houndsditch a disappointment." + +"So have I," said Lady Thiselton. "It is every bit as uninspiring as a +West End street. Some of the side alleys look interesting though, but +then such strange people seem to be in absolute possession, and you +feel you have no right to set foot within their territory. I am really +a fearful coward." + +They walked on silently. + +"Why don't you contradict me, Morgan, and tell me I'm brave? You never +voluntarily pay me a compliment. If I want compliments I have to put +them before you as so many propositions, to which, being a truthful +person, you are forced to give your assent." + +"You are brave," said Morgan. + +"Thank you. Every stone in this part of the city has its associations, +its traditions, its history. And then there are venerable churches +isolated amid the serried buildings of commerce, with charming bits of +hidden green and trees. I'm chattering away like a country cousin come +up to see the sights of London town and to carry back its fifteenth +century flavour. Let us forget history and tradition, and let us get +an unadulterated vision of the modern. Here is a nice place to stand." + +They had turned into Aldgate and had gone some distance in the +direction of Whitechapel, and the new scene had a character of its +own. Both felt the spirit of toil here, where the grime of industry +struck a coarser and somberer note. + +"I feel a million miles from home, which is just what I want to feel," +declared Lady Thiselton. "And there is quite a market place opposite, +and bookstalls. This is just what Browning could have described. Why +did he not come here for inspiration? Here, too, he might have found a +square, old yellow book and paid eightpence for it, and tossed it in +the air and caught it again and twirled it about by the crumpled +vellum covers, and could have wandered on reading it through a +perilous path of fire-irons, tribes of tongs, shovels in sheaves, +skeleton bedsteads, wardrobe drawers agape, and cast clothes +a-sweetening in the sun. But the crowd is really too thick to walk +amongst. As we are on pleasure bent, let us be recklessly extravagant +and take a twopenny ride on top of a tram-car." + +Morgan admitted he was beginning to find it unpleasant to be at such +close quarters with the crowd. Some of the people he was brushing up +against, he complained, were not too scrupulously clean. + +"No doubt," he added, "I shall find them with their mysterious bundles +more picturesque from a distance." + +"Why some of them are quite spick and span with their polished silk +hats, and there are any number of pretty girls. The shops, too, seem +quite attractive. I can even imagine myself living here for a time, +cannot you?" + +"Let us get on our tram car. That may give my imagination the +necessary stimulus." + +At first they had the top all to themselves, and were borne smoothly +onwards, cutting through the very centre of the turmoil. The red brick +church was the furthest point she had ever reached in the East of +London, Lady Thiselton informed Morgan. She had been in the +neighbourhood two or three times in company with her husband, who had +been interested in a sort of mission and dispensary combined, his idea +being not only to make wicked people religious, but to irritate the +devil by keeping their souls out of his clutch as long as possible. + +"Now it is only like the High Street of a big provincial town," she +commented, after they had passed the London Hospital. "I think it's +getting monotonous." + +Three begrimed, strapping youths came clambering up noisily and, +sitting immediately in front of them, continued a conversation about a +certain "she." Their vocabulary became so offensive that Lady +Thiselton whispered she thought it perfectly improper for a lady to +keep on looking at the backs of men's necks on the top of a car, in +full view of the whole world. + +They descended and strolled on further. There was no crowd now to +hinder them, and they were curious to see what this far-stretching +thoroughfare led to. + +"So far it seems a broad stretch of mean quaintness. I had no idea +London was so big. And what grimy side streets! I shudder to think of +the grimy network that lies on either hand. Morgan, I feel a very +immoral person." + +"Your emotions are strangely unpredictable." + +"What right have I to forty thousand a year when there are people +starving in these back streets?" asked Lady Thiselton indignantly. "I +am going to turn Socialist." + +"You are not." + +"I am." + +"You'll never abandon individualism." + +"Of course not. I'd never think of parting with that. But I really +don't see why I shouldn't be a Socialist as well. I pity those poor, +benighted beings that have room in their narrow souls for only one set +of opinions. I like to be everything, to hold every 'ism,' and to be +labelled all over with every 'ist,' like the window of that +'eating-house' yonder. Which reminds me of my dinner party to-night. +Isn't it terrible to eat in Belgrave Square when some people have to +eat in a place like that. It's positively wicked. I have an idea. I +think I can't do better than inaugurate my new 'ism' by lunching there +to-day. Suppose we do so on our way back." + +"But _I_ never confessed to be converted to socialism," he protested. + +"Why it's a dear little eating-house, a perfect love of a place." + +"I take it for granted you wish to meet your guests to-night with a +smiling face," he warned her. + +"The consciousness of having had the courage of my 'ism' will fill me +with such a glow of goodness that I cannot fail to appear a veritable +Madonna. Of course, you know I am counting on you." + +"No." + +"Yes." + +"No." + +"But I haven't filled up the place. I've been relying on nagging you +into coming." + +"You know I don't want to," he grumbled yieldingly. + +"But I want you to. Don't be angry, dear," she went on, coaxingly. +"Haven't I amused you the whole time?" + +He ended by promising to come, if not incapacitated by the lunch, and +felt fairly secure of passing the evening at home. + +After they had wandered about for some time longer and had paid +pennies to see a curious compound animal, a sort of ox, sheep, horse, +donkey and goat rolled into one, and an abnormally fat woman, more +decently clad than the life-size coloured picture of her in the window +had led them to imagine, they invaded the love of an eating-house. +They stepped within the threshold firmly enough, but then stood +hesitant. The place gave them a general sense of brownness. It was the +old-fashioned style of coffee-house, with a sanded pathway down the +middle and a row of stalls on either side, each separated from its +neighbours by tall partitions. Everything was of a dirty brown, +panelling, partitions, benches and the bare tables. A brown light came +through the dingy windows, and the very odours that hung in the dingy +atmosphere suggested the same tint. + +A coatless, aproned waiter emerged from the back to greet the first +mid-day customers, and, in reply to their enquiry for lunch, invited +them to be seated within one of the stalls. After he had wiped their +table he disappeared, and he returned in a moment with a table cloth, +followed by a shorter and stouter man, also in shirt sleeves. They +began to see they had made an impression, and were to be served in +accordance with the host's sense of the fitness of things. + +The proprietor--for such the stout man was--by way of special +civility, remarked that it was fine weather, and asked what he might +get them. + +"The correct thing," said Lady Thiselton; and, on the man staring, +"what everybody usually has here," she added, in explanation. + +"Boiled beef and suet to-day, or roast beef and Yorkshire, or chops +and steaks," enumerated the man. + +So "boiled beef and suet" was ordered on the assumption it was the +correct thing, and, while the waiter was busy getting it, the +proprietor felt it his duty to entertain them till it came. + +"His intentions were no doubt strictly honourable, but, Morgan, do you +think we shall have to talk to people like that when socialism is +established? My goodness!" she exclaimed, examining the slices of meat +closely. "What are those green streaks?" + +"Perhaps that's perfectly right. The green streaks--like the boiled +carrot--may be just a little surprise by way of extra. Neither is +included in the description of the dish." + +"Morgan, I really don't think I can eat this," she said faintly. + +"Backsliding already?" + +"Not at all. You forget I'm a bundle of 'isms,' and in practice one +can only be true to one at a time. When that one begins to make me +feel uncomfortable, I become true to another. Thus I am always true to +myself. All the mutually contradictory 'isms' unite in a higher +synthesis. Am I not the most lovely higher synthesis you ever saw?" + +"All of which Hegelian dialectics mean that I'd better tell them to +take this stuff away." + +"If you think they won't maltreat us. They look terribly fierce; and +they may have any number of myrmidons within call. That sort of +people, you know, doesn't like to have its cooking criticised." + +"So long as we pay, we'll not find them too sensitive." + +The matter was soon arranged, they adopting the man's suggestion of a +"nice, juicy steak." And when it arrived they felt compelled to +pronounce it excellent. + +"I shouldn't be surprised if those green streaks were the proper thing +after all," said Lady Thiselton. + +"Doubtless we have missed some extraordinary delicacy," said Morgan. +"But please tell me which particular 'ism' is in possession at the +moment. I am not quite clear on the point." + +"That is just my state of mind. But I fancy that, at the present +moment, I am given over to emotion rather than to thought. This +interior is affecting me artistically. I was just thinking what a +lovely Dutch picture it would make. But I really am sincere about my +'isms.' The arguments in favour of any one 'ism' are unanswerable, and +I have to admit the truth of each, whenever I consider it. All human +thought ends in the blind alley of Paradox. Hegel was a word-juggler. +Nice phrases are pleasing, but let us not take them seriously." + +And Lady Thiselton proceeded to utter a good many "nice phrases," +which Morgan found pleasing, and did not take seriously. Customers +dropped in by ones and twos till at length all the other stalls were +filled, everybody instinctively avoiding the stall where a tablecloth +gleamed its white warning. When some men, having eaten, began smoking +their clays, Lady Thiselton's sharp ear detected some speculative +remarks about herself and Morgan, tinged with facetiousness and gore. +She thereupon suggested she was pining for something mystic and +spiritualistic, being quite tired of this realistic interior. + +"I am trying to banish it by contemplating the Blessed Damozel," she +said, and quoted whisperingly: + + "'The Blessed Damozel leaned out + From the gold bar of Heaven; + Her eyes were deeper than the depth + Of waters stilled at even; + She had three lilies in her hand, + And the stars in her hair were seven.'" + + +A moment later they stepped out into the afternoon light that nearly +blinded them with its mournful glare. But a heavy sadness had +descended on Morgan. The lines Lady Thiselton had whispered to him had +set him thinking of Margaret. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +The same evening, Morgan, not feeling any alarming symptoms, had to +carry out his promise to join Lady Thiselton's little dinner party. +She received him with a formality that made him laugh inwardly--and +almost outwardly. But the impulse died away as with a start he +perceived that Robert Ingram was in the drawing-room. He reflected, +however, that, though the encounter was an unexpected one, there was +nothing very astonishing about it. Helen had herself told him she had +made the novelist's acquaintance, and to find him dining at her house +was no matter for surprise. The position, nevertheless, was a most +curious one, especially when their hostess unsuspectingly introduced +the two men. Ingram's manner was a little bit bewildered, as if--from +his knowledge of Morgan--he feared the latter might make a scene by +dramatically cutting him. + +However, nothing of the kind happened, Morgan behaving with perfect +gravity. He had to give his arm to Mrs. Blackstone--Helen's dear +friend, Laura, of whom she had spoken to him as the most stupid woman +she knew. He would have welcomed the opportunity of talking to +her--for he was sure her conception of Helen would be astonishingly +amusing, but he had a feeling that something important was going to +arise from his coming here to-night, and that there were possibilities +of explosion in the position. This gave him a general sense of +expectant excitement, so that at first he was a little bit impatient +of Mrs. Blackstone's remarks. He learnt that she admired intensely +that sweet little poem of his, and that she had been longing to meet +the writer; also that reading was a great blessing when one felt +miserable. Did he not admire Mr. Ingram? She herself adored his work. +He was constrained to reply that Ingram was one of his literary +heresies, whereupon she, with ready resource, supposed that tastes +differed, and then, as the result of a luminous thought, she added +that a poet would naturally not be so much interested in mere prose. +Of course poetry ranked the higher, but she was ashamed to +confess--she made the confession without any sign of shame--she +scarcely ever read any at all. She had several favourite novelists who +each published so many books a year that it took all the time she +could spare to keep pace with them. + +"And indeed I'm glad they manage to write so much. They help to fight +against the flood of nasty realistic works we get nowadays. I should +like to see those all burnt." + +Mrs. Blackstone went on to observe that she couldn't make out why +people went on writing such filth. She preferred books of a sound, +moral tone. + +Morgan, feeling himself called upon to make common cause against the +Philistine, put in a tentative word of defence. + +"That's true," admitted Mrs. Blackstone. + +He soon drew further admissions from her, she never suspecting the +extent of the ground she was yielding till, just at the moment of +rising, she apparently gave up her whole position with the naive +statement: + +"I always thought they had a reason for introducing that sort of +thing. Thank you so much, Mr. Druce, for explaining it to me." + +He was not quite sure whether he had been bored or amused. All the +same he now felt glad he had come; he seemed to be so much more +actively interested in what was to follow. Instinctively he looked at +Ingram, and the novelist came to talk to him whilst the other men +discussed the hygienic aspects of smoking. + +"Well, have you got over your temper yet?" + +The phrasing was unfortunate, though its conciliatory intention was +obvious. Morgan felt he was being addressed as if he were a sulky +child, and his resentment leapt up afresh. + +"I beg you will not interest yourself further in me," he said. + +"Suppose we omit some of the conversation," suggested Ingram, "and +assume all that sort of thing to have been said. You are hurt because +I showed your letter to a friend. Aren't you taking a distorted view +of the matter? Recollect that at the time you were an utter stranger, +and your letter was a bolt from the blue. I cannot see that I +committed so very great a crime." + +"It is as great or as little as you feel it to be." + +"And how may it be purged?" asked Ingram ironically. + +"Ponder over it till you perceive its enormity, then apologize to me +in the presence of the woman." + +Morgan scarcely realised what he was saying till the words were out. +Apparently he had spoken without hesitating and without thinking, but +he knew that his utterance was the result of all that had occupied his +mind for many days past. He felt now he was on the road towards the +realisation of that fantastic future, that poem in life that was to +take the place of the poetry in words he had abandoned. + +Ingram gave him a strange, piercing look. Morgan had never before seen +in his face such an expression as he saw in it now. There was a +pregnant pause before the reply came. + +"Very well, then. We will go to her to-night. No doubt the others will +now be glad to hear our views on tobacco smoke." + +Morgan was conscious of a strange glow of pleasure, of a strange +satisfaction. All his sense of romance and mystery was astir. How +charming was the promise of the phantasy to come! The smiling, scented +serpent-woman was holding her arms to him! And again those lines of +Browning echoed through him, and his whole being seemed invaded as by +a "faint sweetness from some old Egyptian's fine, worm-eaten shroud." + +He defended moderate smoking with vivacity. + +Afterwards, the guests being disposed for conversation in the +drawing-room, Helen managed to sit with Morgan a little apart. + +"What do you think of Mr. Ingram?" she asked. "Did you talk to him at +all?" + +"He seems fairly intelligent," replied Morgan; "more intelligent, in +fact, than his work would lead one to suppose. You told me the other +day, did you not, that you have known him some little time?" + +"It is only during the last few months that I have cultivated him or +rather he me." + +"I see Mrs. Blackstone has possession of him now. She must be very +happy." + +"She is his greatest confidante. That I am _her_ greatest confidante, +you know already, _ergo_--well, I'll leave you to make the deduction. +She is really a good soul, and a marked success as an ear trumpet." + +"But is Mr. Ingram aware of that?" + +"Quite. That is why he speaks into her such a deal. He finds me +perfectly deaf otherwise." + +All this was a revelation to Morgan. + +"You seem to be hinting at something," he could not help exclaiming. + +"Of course. Mr. Ingram is anxious to marry a title, and, since he does +not object to having a good-looking person attached to it, he has done +me the honour to pretend to be in love with me. He has been proposing +for the last six weeks, and has offered to purify his books still +further to suit my virginal soul." + +"And you professed to be telling me everything interesting," he +reproached her. + +"Why, I left off telling you about my wooers and proposals at your own +request. You insisted they would never make you jealous, and they +rather bored you. So I did not say a word about this one. Of course +Laura is anxious to further his cause. She thinks me a good woman and +somewhat of a prude. Poor soul! She doesn't suspect the wedding ring +with the diamond in it you've seen me sometimes wear! You know it's +the sort of thing wicked women affect when they want to be cynical +about the marriage tie. Well, Laura is doing her best to persuade me +to be the instrument of Mr. Ingram's reform. She thinks it such a pity +his life has not been so wholesome in tone as his novels. Her +admiration of him is so great that she wants him to live up to her +conception of the author of his novels, and I am to be sacrificed for +the purpose. She is ten years my senior, and you will observe her +interest in me is quite maternal. But I must tell you more about it +another time. The doctor's looking bored. I must go and amuse him." + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Shortly after midnight Morgan and Ingram were driving towards +Hampstead, in which vicinity, the latter explained, resided the lady +upon whom they were going to call. For a long time the two sat +silent--they seemed to have nothing to say to each other. + +And even while Morgan was thrilled through and through with expectancy +of romance, he could not help his brain playing a little with the +general position, which, in face of what he had learnt to-night, was +far more complicated than he had imagined. He smiled as it occurred to +him how easily he could annoy Ingram by marrying Helen. Curious, he +thought, that Ingram had not the least suspicion of it! + +"May I not ask who is the lady?" he said at last. + +"She is nobody in particular," said Ingram. "I call her 'Cleo,' which +is sufficient for all practical purposes. There is really no reason +why I should not tell you now that Cleo, in fact, has been the +companion of my leisure for the past six years. I will leave you to +form your own impression of her." + +Ingram spoke with an exaggerated air of bluntness, as if to indicate +his indifference to whatever effect his statement might produce on +Morgan. The latter, however, was not very much surprised. His active +feeling was rather one of bewilderment as to the part Ingram was +playing in this tangle of relations. The fact that Ingram had turned +up as a suitor for Helen's hand, when he himself had been all these +years in active relation with either unknown to the other, had +exhausted all the possibilities of astonishment in him. But he found +it strange that Ingram, in spite of his matrimonial intention, should +still continue on such terms with this 'Cleo' as to be able to bring a +friend to see her in the way he was doing now. Ingram's very readiness +to fall in with the suggestion struck him as bearing some significance +he could not yet fathom. + +Yet, though his mind was thus occupied, Morgan cared little about +Ingram's private designs. It satisfied him to feel that Ingram was his +unconscious tool, and that he was at length drifting in the right +direction. On rattled the vehicle through empty, dark streets, where +the very street lamps looked lonely and subtly fostered his mood. + +They drew up at length in a narrow street of stucco houses, and Morgan +followed Ingram through a wooden gate up a glass-covered stairway that +led to an ordinary front door. Ingram opened it with a latch-key, and +they stood in a square, little hall, prettily furnished and dimly +lighted by an antique hanging lamp. + +"Cleo expects me," said Ingram, "but I must ascertain if she will +receive both of us." + +He disappeared through a door at the back of the hall, and, returning +soon, led Morgan through a sort of anteroom into a large inner +apartment, on the threshold of which they were met by a waft of +strange perfume which Morgan recognised immediately, though for a +moment it somewhat overpowered him. The scene, too, was so bizarre +that his perception of it lacked sharpness, and his first impression +was a dreamy one of fusing colour. + +The room itself was large and square, and more than half of the marble +inlaid floor was raised several inches above the other part--that on +which Morgan stood as he entered. In the centre of this lower part was +a small marble fountain, with two tiers of basins, beautifully carved. +The water played prettily, overflowing from the lower and larger basin +into a daintily-bordered square tank set in the floor. Against the +wall beyond the fountain was built a marble slab, supported by a +double arch, under which stood ewers and vases. And higher up in this +same wall were set two pairs of tiny windows, divided into little +coloured panes, with designs of flowers and peacocks. + +The ceiling seemed a quaint, flat, immense tangle of gold, green, red +and blue thread work, each line of which could be followed till the +eye lost it in the maze; and three lamps, suspended by brass chains, +filled the room with a ruby light that came through the interstices of +fine brass and silver work. The walls were marked out in panelling and +covered with a strange, decorative pattern. The raised part of the +floor was spread with richly woven rugs of warm tints, and a few +stools of curious workmanship stood about. Books lay scattered here +and there, as if thrown carelessly on the ground after perusal. In the +centre was a gilded couch, upholstered in silk, and, as Ingram +mentioned his name, Morgan found himself bowing to the wonderful woman +who reclined on it. + +She rose at his greeting, tall and of a gipsy-like brown, and clad in +a straight terra-cotta robe tied in front with a broad, gold girdle, +whose long ends fell floating to the ground. Her feet were sandalled. +Her hair was of a rich, golden red, and somehow showed up in contrast +to the blue grey of her eyes. Her lips were full and of a startling +scarlet, as though they bled. She smiled to Morgan, displaying two +rows of tiny white teeth, and held out to him a long, brown hand. + +He took it in his, and the contact set vibrating every chord of his +nature that had been strung up during the past days. At last he was +face to face with the dream-woman who had haunted him, and she was +even as he had seen her! And with all his emotion at this sacred +moment there mingled a sense of pride that his poet's instinct had +divined true. + +"I am happy to know you, Mr. Druce. Mr. Ingram has just explained to +me why he has brought you. I am so sorry to be the cause of your +anger." + +Her voice was curiously soft, without the least ring or even +suggestion of firmness; warm and yielding as a summer wavelet. + +Morgan was somewhat startled at her words; he had almost expected some +strange, rich, musical language to fall from her lips. + +Ingram drew over a stool, and Cleo bade him be seated. There was +somewhat of an embarrassed silence. Morgan scarcely knew how to meet +the occasion. It struck him that perhaps he ought to be grateful to +Ingram, for he had now a conviction that the letter of his which Cleo +had had in her possession had really interested her in him--had +touched some sympathetic chord in her--and that the task of +cultivating her would not, for that very reason, prove a difficult +one. He was certain that her nature had much in common with his +own, and that the future which was now to be unrolled was to be a +series of tableaux as charming as this first one. + +He felt it incumbent upon him to dispose of the matter for which +nominally he had come, and murmured that Ingram had now sufficiently +shown his good faith, and that he personally was quite satisfied. As +he spoke he looked at Cleo again, and her eyes and lips gleamed at him +strangely. He was aware she wished to say a good deal to him, but that +the presence of Ingram hindered. And as the same constrained silence +once more fell upon them, the elusive odour of her perfume seemed to +obtrude again, as though taking the opportunity to assert itself. + +Ingram at length remarked that the hour was late, and that if Cleo +would excuse them he would escort Mr. Druce back. He was glad that +harmony had been re-established, and he expressed his thanks to Cleo +for so willingly receiving his friend and helping to heal the breach. + +Morgan did not mind having this first interview with Cleo thus cut +short, especially as he could not talk with Ingram there to listen. He +was, moreover, uncomfortably aware that Ingram was watching him +closely the whole time, and he did not fail to detect the tinge of +irony in the novelist's last little speech. But he felt he had closed +his account with the man, and he would not trouble his brains any more +about his motives or meaning. He therefore rose to say good-night to +Cleo. She offered them wine, but both men refused, so she smilingly +gave her hand again without striving to detain them. + +Outside, each seemed given up to his own thoughts. Morgan would make +no comment on what had been revealed to him, nor apparently did Ingram +want to hear any. + +They separated at a cab rank, each taking a separate vehicle. And only +as they were about to part did Ingram break the silence: + +"I need hardly tell you you have seen a hidden side of my life. I look +to you to forget." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +The very rapidity of the glimpse that Morgan had had into that +Hampstead interior made it the more fascinating to dwell upon in +imagination, and, though the definite figure of Cleo now took the +place of the vague, smiling woman who had always been with him, it +seemed to him that he had discerned Cleo's every feature from the +beginning. + +The general flow of his thoughts and moods were coloured by this +fantastic adventure on which, he now felt, he was fairly embarked. +Nevertheless his life was not proceeding precisely on the lines he had +conceived when he had resolved to transport his imaginative +combinations from the field of paper to the field of life, to weave +dreams from reality instead of from thought. That disattachment he had +decided on in order that he might abandon himself wholly to the urging +of his temperament was proving a much more gradual process than he had +supposed. + +For as yet the old relations were being continued; the man in +him--which the poet was unable to suppress entirely--could not break +these off abruptly. Thus, when Margaret's pink note announcing the +studio-warming arrived, he could not possibly accept the notion of +ignoring it, for was he not her true and healthy lover? His +friendship, too, with Lady Thiselton, had even become strengthened in +spite of himself. He could not help telling himself again and again +that she was as firm and true as a rock. And the very man in him that +appreciated her sterling qualities had still a sense of shame at his +having taken money from her, forced though his hand had been. The +vagueness and nebulousness of the future that suited the poet made the +man with his healthy repugnance to debt extremely uncomfortable. + +The flow of his existence had thus split up into two currents, but the +stronger by far was the poetic force in him that made for a desperate +playing with life. + +Yet several days passed without his being impelled to go to Cleo +again. Even as he had been wont to wait for inspiration, so he waited +now for the spirit to move him to the next step in this life-fantasy. +His time got frittered away, he scarcely knew how. He replied to +several letters from his father, who wrote to him at great length on +particular points of ethics, for the banker had by now seriously set +to work on his _magnum opus_. Two or three times Helen ran in to see +him at tea-time, and did her best to amuse him. The mere reflection +that Ingram must suppose he was but the most casual acquaintance of +Helen's was sufficient for that; so that she had not a very difficult +task, and expressed herself highly pleased at the agreeable mood in +which she was now finding him. She chatted quite freely about Ingram +and the latest developments of his courtship of her. She had refused +him for the fifth time, but he didn't seem the least bit discouraged +yet. + +"By the way," she went on, "I've just been reading his biography in a +magazine. Evidently he has not been as frank with his interviewer as +he has been with me. The way I made him confess was just lovely, +though now he makes that a grievance, much to my indignation. All I +said was I couldn't possibly begin to consider his case till I knew +all about him. I made no promise at all. At first, indeed, he was +foolish enough to insist his record was spotless. A man who writes +novels of such sound moral tone! If only he had written naturalistic +novels, I might have believed him." + +Morgan wondered if Ingram had included Cleo in his "confession." He +was rather inclined to doubt it, because he felt sure that the very +strangeness of that _liaison_ would have made Helen want to tell him +about it. + +"And what do you intend to do with him ultimately?" he asked. + +"Well, if I thought it would make you the least bit jealous, I should +announce that I intended to accept him. But as there is no possible +advantage to be gained by such a falsehood, it would be very +extravagant of me to waste it. I've scattered so many of them in my +time that I must be economical for the rest of my life." + +Though he had never for a moment believed there was any possibility of +her marrying Ingram, he was yet relieved to hear her state her +intentions so definitely. Such was his sense of Ingram's unworthiness +of her! + +A couple of days later he went to Margaret's studio-warming. Both the +experience and the anticipation of it were emotionally exciting. But +as a good many of Margaret's particular friends were there, her +attention had to be spread out a great deal, and he did not have to +talk to her much at first. Certainly there was nothing between them +that could be called conversation. + +He found it soothing to talk a little with Mrs. Medhurst, who was +always equable, nice, and apparently in a pleased mood. She also had +been receiving long confidential letters from his father, and she +expressed the fear that at the rate the latter was now going in the +direction of iconoclasm he was courting public suppression. + +"He is very much in earnest," she added. "I have written him at length +about the bringing up of daughters--he insisted on having my views. He +is very modest, though--just ventures to hope for success. 'If I only +had Morgan's pen,' he once wrote, yearningly." + +To be reminded now how completely his father had been won over to +belief in him was but to have all the bitterness of his failure again +concentrated in one moment. + +During the rest of the time he found himself carrying on a +half-hearted conversation here and there, yet with all his attention +on Margaret. He followed her with his eyes, watching her every +movement and gesture, noting her every smile, catching her laughter +and the sound of her voice. Something that was light, that was +sunshine, seemed to detach itself from her and to fill the whole room; +something that brought a sense of happiness to mingle with his strange +mood. + +He felt that happiness as a sick man feels a cool, soft caress on his +brow. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +One afternoon Morgan took a hansom and drove to Hampstead. He entered +the glass-covered way that led up to Cleo's door and knocked +unhesitatingly. The servant who responded to his summons stared at him +in undisguised astonishment. + +"Is your mistress at home?" he asked, for he did not know by what name +to enquire for Cleo. He sent in his own, however, and was immediately +ushered into her presence. This gave him no elation, because he had +taken it for granted she would receive him. + +"I had a sort of presentiment you would come to-day," said Cleo, +throwing on one side the novel she had been reading, and the cover of +which, illumined with seven mystic stars and a veiled floating figure, +just caught his eye. + +"And I just felt that I _must_ come," he said as, at her invitation, +he took a seat on one of the quaint stools with somewhat of an air of +long habituation to this strange Egyptian chamber. + +Cleo was lounging on her gilded settee, obviously arrayed to receive +him in the hope of his calling. A vague, mystic light that compelled +an almost religious emotion came through the tiny window panes. The +fountain played with a soft splash. + +"Do you know I am what the vulgar call 'superstitious?'" she +continued. "I always knew you would come into my life." + +As she spoke her eyes seemed to shine with a greater fire. The scarlet +of her lips to-day was somewhat concealed by the half shadows; her +hair, too, seemed silkier and more restrained in tone than his first +impression of it. Her gown was of a vague colour--a sort of blue-grey, +in which the element of blue was suggested as a light continuous +tinge. A crimson silk scarf, fastened with an opal buckle, formed a +pleasing sash, and fell to the knee. As before, her feet were +sandalled. + +"That letter of yours Robert showed me--years ago now--made me love +you at once," she explained. "Only a man of genius could have written +it. How my heart bled for you when you said, 'I see no other end to +the comedy than fall. God knows what shape that fall will take, into +what mud my soul plunge in the fight for life. I could bear anything +if I were not so utterly alone and helpless.... If you could see me, +speak to me--help me in any way!' Yes, I wanted to see you--speak to +you--help you. It was I who made Robert respond to your appeal. I +remember how disgusted I was with him when he insisted on taking the +whole thing as a splendid joke, just because he found you had a rich +father." + +Her strange, soft voice seemed almost informed with dramatic passion +as she quoted his letter. It was clear she knew the whole of it by +heart. So Ingram's violation of his confidence, he reflected, had been +responsible for this interweaving of his life with Cleo's, and his +presence here to-day was but the natural continuation of the beginning +then made. He confessed to having been angered with Ingram. + +"My blundering vision could not see how the strands were being woven," +he added. + +"I was certain all along they _were_ being woven," she returned. "The +incident at the time made a great impression on me, and I knew that +one day we should come together." + +It gave him a thrill of joy to learn that he had been occupying her +thoughts for years past; that, having once come within her +consciousness, he had remained in her vision as a never-fading image. + +"I am encouraged to ask you about yourself," he said. "You know I love +you, too." + +This last statement was not an insincere one, for he did not conceive +it as a real statement made to a real human being. Cleo was his +wonderful dream-woman, and he had no notion at all of getting any +insight into her as a real woman playing an actual role in actual +life. He did not think of her as an element of real life at all; she +was simply the heroine of the fantasy he was busy weaving. His +declaration represented exactly his sentiment towards her in that +role; it expressed his sense of the fitness of things at the moment, +was the requisite correct touch the position demanded--this position +which he had mentally isolated from the rest of reality, and in which +for the time being he had lost himself. + +"I know, dear," she answered. "I will tell you gladly, for I want you +to understand and appreciate me. Like you I have always been conscious +of genius, but I have had to wait long, bitter years. 'Tis always so +with genius. I have ever felt myself a chosen spirit, and I am sure I +am destined to become the greatest actress that has yet charmed and +captivated the world. Am I not tall, surpassingly beautiful, +lithe and supple as a reed--graceful as a lily? But that is not all. +In me is reincarnated the spirit of the ancient East, and it is my +mission to interpret that spirit to the modern world. I will help you, +dear, to realize that same spirit, and then one day, in a grand burst +of inspiration you shall write the play of my life. Then shall I break +upon the civilized world as a revelation. + +"I can remember no time at which I have not been conscious of my +mission. But six years ago, when I set out on my journey into the +world, I was scarcely more than a child. I had no influence--I knew +nobody; and so I had no chance of making a real appearance at once. I +had to begin by joining a touring company, and that only to play the +role of a servant girl. At the time I was glad of any beginning, for I +was confident I should make my way. But I soon found myself stranded. +Then what do you think I did?" + +"You wrote a letter to Ingram--just as I did?" he exclaimed excitedly. + +She laughed. + +"That is very clever of you. It is exactly what I did. He had a +successful play running at one theatre and I read that he was at work +on a new play for another manager. I thought that, if I could only +induce him to see me, I might get a real chance. My letter produced +the desired effect, for in it I had told him exactly what my future +was to be. We had an interview and he perfectly agreed with everything +I had said about myself. But he swore he could do nothing for me. His +plays, he asserted, contained no fit part for me--it would be a +thousand pities if I let my strength and energies be dissipated +in playing minor parts that any intelligent school girl with a pair of +bright eyes could do ample justice to. Then he confided to me that he, +too, had plans and ambitions, but that he was not making nearly so +much money as he was said to be doing in the personal paragraphs of +the newspapers. He was putting aside, however, all he could spare, so +that he might have a vast theatre of his own; and if that came to pass +I was the one being on earth to be associated with him in such a +mighty undertaking. Would I stay with him and wait? + +"So I stayed with him, and I have waited--six years! We have built our +vast theatre again and again--it was to be the vastest in the world, +so that my audience should be worthy of my great gifts. Time after +time have we gone together into every detail of the scheme, I always +believing that at last we were getting ready in earnest. You will +wonder, perhaps, how it is I have allowed myself to be deceived for so +long. It was because I believed in him during the first three years, +and during the second three I had already lost so much time that I +_dared_ not disbelieve in him. It was always: 'Just six months more, +Cleo, dear, and then we shall astonish the world.' And then the vision +of that vast theatre was too fascinating for me to abandon. His +excuses were always plausible. Now he had made some terribly bad +investment, now a publisher had gone bankrupt, now the sales of his +books had fallen tremendously. Besides, he kept complaining bitterly +that he was being forced to suppress his genius and individuality and +to work for money. Just as he was waiting patiently, so must I wait +patiently. He was to write me my great piece, and I was to interpret +it. He bought this house for me and had this room rebuilt to suit my +ideas, so that the spirit in me should be nourished by a congenial +environment. By sitting here each day and meditating, I have +ministered to my sacred moods and I have kept pure the essence of the +ages which I am to revive for the modern world. Thus the years have +not been wasted. I have matured. I am confident my powers have +increased, and I have never felt more eager to exercise them than now. +Let me but appear in a suitable role and both fame and fortune are +assured to me, for I shall easily eclipse every living actress. + +"Of course, I have recognised now that Robert has been playing me +false, at least of late. I should not like to think that he did not +really have those ideas in the first years, but I realise now he has +abandoned them and hasn't the courage to confess the truth. Of course, +he says that his year's finances have all gone wrong again, and that +he had seriously underestimated the capital necessary for the +undertaking. + +"I am not a prisoner, of course. I have always had perfect liberty, +and I engaged the maids myself. They are too well paid not to be +attached to me. Robert is supposed to be my husband. Of course, they +know he isn't. Altogether, I have not been so very unhappy here. This +room has been a great comfort to me, and Robert and I have always got +on well together. But now we must part. He will miss me after all this +time, but there is no reason why we should not part in peace." + +She related all this with the greatest naivete, so that her absolute +faith in herself, her genius, and her mission, did not astonish him. +The words seemed to flow naturally from the personality. + +He was aware she had scarcely given him a biography, but he liked to +take her as a mystical figure floating out of a sort of nebula. Such +personal details as might have been relatable of any other woman he +did not want to know; they would have interfered with this purely +artistic vision of her. + +"I wish that I had a fortune to place at your disposal," he murmured. +"You should have your theatre at once." + +"My vast theatre!" she sighed. "I fear I must dismiss that as a +hopeless dream. But I could take a theatre and make a less ambitious +beginning with very little money, indeed," she added, yearningly. + +Then Morgan told her the condition of his finances; how he had +exhausted his own resources, and how "a friend"--he referred to Helen +in this highly general manner--had lent him five hundred pounds, of +which he had scarcely spent anything yet, but which he had not the +slightest idea how he was going to repay. Of course, he could not and +would not apply to his father again; on which point Cleo readily +expressed her sympathy with him. + +Asked by him how much she thought would be sufficient to launch her on +her career, she could not say at once, but promised to think about it +and discuss the matter with him when he came again. She explained that +whatever the amount was, it would only be necessary to have it to draw +upon in case of need. Success being certain from the first, money +would come flowing in immediately, and, if they did decide to embark +on the adventure, he would certainly be able to repay his friend very +soon. + +Her words to him were so many oracular statements, and he no more +thought of questioning them than a child thinks of questioning its +teacher about the names of the strange marks that constitute the +alphabet. + +"You will be coming again, then, on Thursday," said Cleo, as he +stooped to kiss her hand in token of farewell. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +"My dear," said Cleo, when Morgan came again, "I want to bind you to +me for always. Let us marry at once, or, at least, as soon as +possible. Then, since we shall have thrown in our lots for good and +always, we shall achieve together what we have been unable to do +separately. My spirit shall act on yours, and one day your genius +shall fashion the great masterpiece of my life. As soon as we are +married we shall take a theatre and I shall put on the most suitable +play I can find. As I have already told you, I have given up those +idle dreams of a vast theatre of my own, in which to make my debut. +But never before have I felt my powers to be so ripe. Let me but +appear for one evening in a part that will enable me to do justice to +my gifts and I shall bring the world to my feet. I look to you to help +me now, and, by making myself yours for always I shall at least be +showing my gratitude and my confidence in you. It is but right that +two geniuses should be mated. The fact that we both thought of the +same resource under similar conditions--for were you not as forlorn +and alone as I?--was prophetic, and clearly indicated it was fated +your life and mine were to be cast together." + +Her masterful definiteness hypnotised him. Her will was strong enough +to do what his own had failed to complete, to draw him away from the +rest of the world and absorb his life in hers. + +Cleo had entered into his spirit and had at length not only silenced +but won over the man in him. She had seized on his whole being, +appropriated his every thought, and had attuned to hers every chord of +his complex nature. Her perfume and colour, her exotic beauty, had +entwined themselves in his every fibre, had enslaved his senses, and +intoxicated the thinking part of him. Her genius, too, cast an added +glamour of enchantment over the new life that lay before him--a +dream-life into which this marriage would take him entirely, and by +contrast with which, apart from its anguish, the real life behind him +lay dull and leaden. + +To link his life with hers! To launch Cleo as a great actress! To win +renown side by side! He yielded himself to the prospect with eager +enthusiasm! + +The notion of taking a theatre that Cleo had put before him at their +last meeting had already led him to make a rough calculation of his +present resources, and he had estimated that a financial clearing-up +would leave him with but little more than three hundred pounds. He +mentioned this now somewhat hesitatingly, for he feared that sum might +be quite inadequate. He was relieved to hear Cleo say that she could +make it suffice; and with her clever management he would very soon be +able to discharge his debt to his friend. She knew exactly how to go +to work and would make all arrangements, but of course she would let +him help her as much as he could. + +"We shall set to work the very day we marry, for we must not lose any +time. All I shall take away from here are my costumes. I have some +money that Robert has given me from time to time, but that I am going +to return to him. It would be a desecration for us to use a penny of +his in our new life. Of course we must make our home temporarily in +furnished rooms." + +The next day Morgan paid all his odd, floating debts, and got his +particular possessions together; all of which did not occupy him very +long. When he saw Cleo again it was arranged that she should take the +requisite formal steps for their marriage before the registrar, and +that she should also begin negotiations for the renting of a Strand +theatre. She had had her final reckoning with Ingram, who had assumed +an air of indifference, and had not wanted to know anything about her +plans or future movements. + +"'Since you have made up your mind,' he said, 'I have no option but to +bow to your wishes.' But I could see that his lips were drawn as if +his heart ached at having to lose me. I must have meant so much to him +all this time. Poor Robert!" + +"Of course, I gave him back his money," she went on, when her emotion +had subsided. "He took that with the same indifference. He said he +could quite appreciate my feeling about it and he would not oppose my +wishes on the point." + +As regards his family and friends, Morgan made up his mind to write to +his father, to Lady Thiselton, and to Mrs. Medhurst, simply announcing +the mere fact that he had married. He would not give any particulars +nor say a word as to the personality of Cleo. The rest of his +acquaintances he would simply ignore. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +However, on the day before his marriage, Morgan happened to come +across Mrs. Medhurst's dance card amid a heap of papers he was about +to destroy, and somewhat to his surprise found it was for that very +evening. He had accepted the invitation verbally, when talking to Mrs. +Medhurst at the studio-warming. And now a strange notion seemed to +come whizzing at him and he arrested it with a clutch. + +Why should he not go and dance with Margaret for the last time? + +In a moment his mind was made up. And shortly after ten o'clock he +found himself being received by Mrs. Medhurst. A half-dizziness came +over him as he shook hands with her--the festal atmosphere that +pervaded the rooms seemed to blur his senses. He would have stumbled +had it not been that Margaret's voice fell upon his ear just then, and +he became aware that her hand was in his. He saw her, as she stood at +her mother's side, a clear and gracious figure against the mist of +things. + +She was in white to-night with just a lily in her hair, and it showed +graciously in a dainty setting of green. An adorable tiny edge of arm +peeped between sleeve and glove. Morgan thought of the lines Helen had +whispered to him at the Whitechapel Coffee House: + + "The Blessed Damozel leaned out + From the gold bar of Heaven; + Her eyes were deeper than the depth + Of waters stilled at even." + + +He wrote his name on her programme. He was feeling timid and +self-distrustful, and having taken a dance near the beginning he +hesitated perceptibly before taking another lower down. She thanked +him gravely as he returned her the card and he thought he detected a +half-sorrowful expression in her face. No doubt she had been quick to +observe the constraint of his manner, and he felt she must be +suspecting something. + +He was glad that the arriving guests were claiming her attention, and +he moved away and mingled with the crowd. But he was indifferent to +the scene, to the music and dancing, to all but Margaret. He could not +turn his eyes away from her. He took note of every man that asked a +dance of her. One of them kept writing on her programme for what +seemed to Morgan an unbearable time, Margaret looking on with a +tolerant half-smile. He knew the fellow well and hated him. Fledgling +at one or other of the learned professions, always aggressively smooth +and well-bred, a veritable paragon of polish without a single +redeeming mannerism, to Morgan he represented one large swagger. There +was something in the pose of the eye-glasses and in the clean-shaven +upper lip that told of boundless conceit and infinite self-assurance. +What right had he, was Morgan's indignant thought--and he made the +criticism as of a mere external fact from which he stood aloof--to be +so friendly with Margaret? How was it that she should show such +little insight as to be imposed upon by so specious a personality? No +doubt she thought him perfectly charming! + +He was very angry and bitter, and already half-repented the impulse +that had driven him here. If the experience, in all its emotional +bearings, was a unique one, it was likewise a disagreeable one. When +the time came round for him to dance with Margaret he tried hard to +appear perfectly at his ease, and to make a show of good spirits. +Exercising the privilege of an old friend, he began to tease her about +the rapidity with which her programme had got filled. + +"A girl must flirt a little," she asserted calmly, after a short +passage-at-arms. "You're not jealous, Morgan, are you?" + +"I am only observant," he answered evasively. + +"Your gift of observation must be truly wonderful--you manage to +exercise it at so great a distance, or perhaps you send out your +astral body to do the observing, which must be the reason why it's +invisible to me." + +"I dare not speak at all. You turn my every word into a scourge +against me." + +"Don't you feel you deserve the scourging?" + +"I have had another melancholy fit," he urged, forced to defend +himself. + +"Poor Morgan!" she said, pityingly. "I do believe you have some +trouble that you are keeping to yourself. Do you know, I've been +thinking so for some time now. You don't trust your friends +sufficiently. Come now, isn't my surmise near the truth?" + +The tears almost welled up to his eyes. He did not answer her, for he +could not speak at all; but his silence was tantamount to an +admission. + +"Poor Morgan!" she repeated softly, as if to herself, and the sympathy +in her voice troubled him still more. "And the trouble? Of course, you +are going to tell me first." + +"Well, not to-night," he answered, closing his heart against her with +a superhuman effort. "I must not spoil your evening." + +"Do you think I shall enjoy it, now that I know?" + +"Why should you not?" he asked, and there was a shade of rebuff in his +tone. A half-savage impulse was urging him to pick a sort of quarrel +with her. + +"You are unkind," she exclaimed in distress. "Is my friendship nothing +to you? Perhaps I am wrong to show you that I care about yours. I +ought not to have let you see I was so concerned about your trouble, +but I could not know that was going to vex you." + +He did not answer, because her words disarmed him. + +"Forgive me, Morgan," she went on gently. "Of course, you are +irritable and all unstrung, and I ought to be very much more patient +instead of flying at you. It would be wicked for us two to quarrel, +but I really do want you to be nice to me." + +She was led away just then, and he felt glad to be relieved of the +responsibility of carrying on the conversation. + +Dance after dance went by. It hurt him to see that eye-glassed +plausible young man dancing with Margaret. His mood grew hateful. The +hours at length became unendurable. He slipped away quietly and went +home. + +But all through the evening he had been conscious in the back part of +his mind of the new life he had embarked upon. And even whilst he held +the sweet lily in his arms, his very love for her bringing him anguish +and bitterness, he was yet aware of scenes that sought to +obtrude--scenes in which figured the wonderful woman with whom he had +thrown in his lot, in which she stood in the glare of the footlights +with a dense packed theatre applauding to madness; scenes not outlined +clear and projected in space, but which were to him shapeless +silhouettes and dazzling formless patches of light flitting across the +extreme background of his consciousness. + + * * * * * + +About mid-day Morgan Druce and Selina Mary Kettering were united in +holy matrimony. She had given her true name for the occasion, but +Morgan, intent on signing his own, scarcely noticed hers. She was Cleo +to him, and Cleo she would remain. It was not till about an hour +later, when they were lunching at a West End restaurant, that his mind +began to play about the fact that he really was married now. Yet it +seemed incredible. For him marriage had always connoted something +large and elaborate, a substantial experience with which were involved +complicated preliminaries, a process so transforming that one almost +expected one's very chemical composition to be changed by it. + +But all had been so astonishingly simple. The whole morning had been +singularly like other mornings. The visit to the registrar's office +had been short and unimpressive. His bone and tissue were perfectly +unaffected by it. Cleo and he had lunched here before. How then was +his relation to her so different from what it had been? + +He argued with himself. He told himself he _was_ married, but he +refused to believe it. With all his knowledge and certainty of the +fact, he failed to convince himself. And yet that certainty set him +speculating as to what his father and mother would say when they read +the curt announcement he intended dispatching that afternoon. He +wondered what Helen would think, what Margaret. The fragrance and +beauty of the lily seemed suddenly to invade his spirit. He had a +sense of sweetness and light, followed by a reaction of pain. Perhaps +Margaret would be crushed by the news; perhaps--and he could not help +the thought, grotesque though it was--she would marry that smooth, +eye-glassed young man. + +There was a strange ringing in his ears; he was conscious of his whole +being soaring far away, a floating, palpitating spirit amid great +spaces of mystery and dream. A universal music was swelling around +him, a mighty concerto bursting full upon him from the stillness of +infinite distances--the sobbing of violins, the blare of brazen +instruments, an orchestral clash and clang. + +"You may smoke," said Cleo. + +With a start he found himself amid the garish mirrors of the gilded +restaurant. + + +END OF BOOK II. + + + + +BOOK III. + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Had the transition from bachelorhood to the married state been less +easy and less quickly achieved, Morgan might perhaps have realised +that the pattern of life he was weaving had not the same +undetachedness from the real as a pattern woven in dream, but that it +was a part and parcel of the real. As it was, he was not the man to +stop and think, once he had made his plunge into the strange, vague +future that had appealed to him. And now this theatrical enterprise, +with Cleo as the star, loomed ahead of him not only as the redemption +of his empty life, but wrapped in that seductive romance which his +mood and temperament demanded. + +For the present, they had taken furnished rooms in Bloomsbury, where +they lived under an assumed name. Morgan did not leave his new address +at his old quarters, for he did not want any letters to follow him, no +matter from whom they came. He felt he had done all he could in +writing the three letters he had decided to write. And with the +sending of those letters, he seemed to be detaching himself from his +old life with one clean cut; his imagination left free to construct +the tableaux of what he believed--such was the impression Cleo's +personality had made on him--was going to be a gorgeous panoramic +future, a triumphant historic march through the civilised world. The +fact that Cleo now went about clothed like any other mortal did not +detract from his estimate of her genius, for the mere dispensation +with such extraneous splendour left untouched the splendour of the +woman herself. + +And, from this mere moving from one London street to another, he had +all the feeling of having placed a thousand miles between himself and +everybody who knew him. In the theatrical enterprise he was to figure +under his present assumed name, though that was only likely to come +within the public cognizance as the name borne by Cleo's husband, a +personage none of his friends would think of associating with himself. +He thought he might thus fairly count on remaining undiscovered, +though, of course, he could not provide against chance encounters. But +he felt he would be very angry if any attempt were made to follow him +up and interfere in any way with the destiny he had chosen. + +Meanwhile, with an exaggerated sense of his own helplessness, he +looked up to Cleo with an unshakable confidence, placing an oracular +value on her every word. She symbolised for him an all-conquering +power before which destiny itself could make no front. Had he been an +artist he would have painted her as the triumphant figure of allegory, +standing amid the stars with one foot planted on the terrestrial +globe. His attitude towards her was one of wondering admiration and +blind assent; with so much deliberateness did she turn her vision on +that seething world which she was preparing to conquer, and which had +always been to him such a whirling, giddy, incomprehensible chaos that +he had never been able to look steadily at it. Now, timidly peeping +from behind her skirts, he ventured to open his eyes on it. Alone, he +would never have known where to touch the heterogeneous, noisy mass, +but she, displaying a definite and intimate knowledge of its +constituents, at once began to establish relations with it here and +there. These efforts of hers seemed to him at first random and +isolated, and he watched with interested expectancy for the +light-giving result as a child might watch the preparations for an +elaborate conjuring trick. Eventually he began to see, with a pleased +sort of surprise, that the floating set of relations entered into by +Cleo was assuming recognisable shape as a theatrical enterprise. + +The marvel she inspired in him deepened daily, so wonderful seemed her +purposefulness, her energy, her faith in herself. And though, beside +these qualities of hers, his diffidence compelled him to +self-effacement, he yet seemed to draw something from her very +superabundance. + +From the beginning he had given up all the money to her, only too +pleased to be rid of the control of it. But when the arrangements were +fairly advanced, she insisted on his mastering the details of the +expenditure she was making and on going into the figures with him each +time she drew up what she considered a likely profit and loss account, +which she did at least once each evening. The result was always on the +right side and always large, and he was not quite clear that it did +not necessarily represent a sure fact, if a future one. Figures had +always irritated him, but, as she performed all the arithmetical +processes and he simply had to exert his intelligence to the extent of +grasping what each item stood for, he was pleased to find himself +equal to the effort. + +Their three hundred pounds in the meantime had dwindled considerably, +but, as Cleo showed no signs of anxiety, it never occurred to Morgan +to feel uneasy. Cleo, who, for the sake of simplicity and also to +enhance her authority over the people she should employ, was making +every arrangement in her name only, had had to pay a large sum down +before she had been allowed to take possession of the theatre, for she +had been preceded by some other enterprising actress, with whom the +lessees had been less stringent, and who had come to grief, much to +their disgust. The costumers and the printers, too, were shy of +unknown dames with stage ambitions, and their co-operation was not to +be obtained without a show of bank notes. + +Nor was Cleo unprepared in the all-important question of the play +itself. She had employed some of her past leisure at Hampstead in +translating many pieces from the French, and she now gave Morgan half +a dozen to read, saying she had already formed her own opinion as to +which one contained the best part for her and she wanted to see if his +judgment would tally with hers. Morgan was glad to have this quiet +task to keep him occupied for a few days. He took it, however, very +solemnly, for he wished to arrive at an honest decision, but he did +not wish it to be different from hers. However, he could not say he +liked any of the plays. Half of them were modern, half Oriental; all +artificial and stilted, and full of long-winded inanity. Eventually he +selected one of the Oriental, which he thought would at any rate give +Cleo an opportunity of displaying her dresses--to such Machiavellian +extent had she already influenced him. To his delight, she declared +that his choice was hers. He timidly ventured on a little criticism, +but she laughed and assured him that the play itself signified +nothing--plays were mere excuses for acting. This one provided a +part which, if not the ideal one for her, would at least enable her to +display herself and her genius to some advantage. Of course, she was +well aware she was not making the debut that befitted her genius, as +that would have involved a play written specially for her in which +every other part was artistically subordinated to her own, a vast +theatre such as the one she had dreamed of, and a lavish expenditure; +her brain, moreover, being entirely relieved of all material +considerations and her spirit left unfettered. Under the present +make-shift circumstances she must be content with such humble +beginning as the poor funds at her disposal would allow her. And +Morgan felt quite guilty at his inability to provide the ideal debut +she described, feeling she had quite a right to despise this mean and +unworthy beginning, and that it was really generous of her to face the +difficulties occasioned by their narrow means without complaint. + +That there were difficulties he could not help knowing, for Cleo was +at no pains to conceal the fact. Rather was she intent on showing that +she was perfectly capable of vanquishing them. When the open-handed +policy she had been compelled to adopt had reduced their resources to +about fifty pounds, Cleo withdrew the money from the bank, saying it +would be safer in her pocket. But by this time her unhesitating +payments had begun to produce their effect, and it had got about that +she was no mere penniless adventuress, but a wealthy stage-struck +dame. As a mysterious personage, suddenly springing from nowhere into +the theatrical world, she began to arouse a good deal of interest, and +the flaneurs in those circles obtained kudos by pretending to precise +information about her. The rumour of riches spread. Tradespeople +became sweet and pliant--the plucking of a goose with golden feathers +was not an every-day event. + +Cleo, who could afford to pay anything out of the profits of the huge +success to come, cleverly betrayed the rich amateur's ignorance of +charges, varying it by the occasional query: "Isn't that rather dear?" +Her delight at securing an abatement of a few shillings was so +undisguised that it caused much amusement to complaisant tradesmen. + +The transaction of all this preliminary business afforded Cleo an +immense enjoyment. Her front to the world throughout had been the +perfection of boldness. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +And now Morgan found himself doing quite a deal of work, arranging +parts for typewriting, reading proofs and trying to understand +something of the--to him--intricate system of theatrical accounts. He +was proud when he succeeded in following business details, astonished +to find they were not beyond his intelligence. He passed to and from +the theatre several times a day, curiously glad to feel himself a +working part of all this complex machinery. But he was never quite +comfortable in the building, wandering uneasily about its corridors +and almost feeling as though he ought to explain his presence to one +or other of its scattered population he encountered in odd corners. +Everybody about the building seemed vaguely respectful to him, as +though possessed of some faint notion that he was attached to Cleo in +some incomprehensible way or other. + +So far Cleo had behaved with perfect sang-froid. If at home she had +occasionally allowed her natural excitement to appear, it had been of +a pleasurable kind and fully sympathised with by Morgan. In the mere +commercial transactions that had relation to the enterprise, she had +shown herself as calm and unshakable as a rock, but as soon as the +actual fact of her chosen art began to be concerned, she commenced to +reveal other sides of her nature that disturbed Morgan's blind worship +in no little degree. + +The first thing that began to stir his doubts was her method of +engaging the players, for she put on the airs of a grand patron, and +such pleasure did this part of the business give her that she +prolonged it unduly. She made actors and actresses wait upon her time +after time when she had not the slightest intention of engaging them. +She liked to have a crowd waiting in her anteroom at the theatre and +admitted to her august presence one at a time. It behoved her, she +explained to Morgan, to impress people from the beginning, and, though +this was the first time she had had a theatre of her own, she wanted +to appear as if to the manner born. Moreover, when he took the +opportunity, by way of expostulation, to express his sympathy with the +rejected applicants, who had been kept "hanging about" in vain, she +was able to make a show of justification, urging it had been necessary +for her to have the widest latitude of choice. + +When the company was complete she laughingly admitted it was none of +the finest, but it would make an excellent foil for herself. + +But it was only when the rehearsals began that Morgan discovered Cleo +possessed attributes, frequently associated with genius, it is true, +but by no means certain symptoms of it. Her patience was astonishingly +short and she possessed a temper that was perfectly ungovernable, once +it was roused. He likewise observed that there was a certain +domineering spirit in the whole control of the theatre. + +His eyes were first opened to this state of affairs one day when he +had wandered on to the stage and stood surveying the desolate +emptiness of the house, in the vague spaces of which cleaners flitted +about or busied themselves amid the dim tiers of swathed seats. +Orchestra practice was proceeding in the band room, and Morgan stayed +to listen for awhile. A sudden high-pitched brutal comment gave him +the first inkling of the conductor's bullying methods. + +The discovery soon followed that the stage manager was worse than the +conductor, and that, when Cleo once lost her head, which she did very +easily at rehearsals, she became almost hysteric. She was, however, +always ready to explain away her exhibitions of temper, saying that +the stupidity of the players and the worry of making things go right +were trying beyond human endurance. Which explanation he had perforce +to accept. + +It was in apprehension of witnessing her outbreaks that he dared not +stay at the theatre during rehearsal hours for more than a few minutes +at a time. He could not help knowing, however, lounging about the +house as he did, that Cleo was disliked by all the company, she and +the stage manager being bracketed together as a pair of bullies. He +was aware he himself was better liked, for he got on very well indeed +with a couple of the men and thought them "very decent fellows." +Though their poverty forced them to borrow occasional half-crowns of +him, that only made him sympathise with them the more. + +Morgan himself would have been puzzled to tell what difference the new +light in which Cleo was showing herself was making in his attitude +towards her. Her personality, taken as a whole, remained fully as +wonderful and impressive for him as before, and in the hours of her +calm he could scarcely believe he had ever seen her worked up into +such tense, nervous states. At such times there seemed possibilities +of indulgent explanation, for in all else she was living up to his +conception and to his expectations of her. His faith in her genius was +unshaken. Nothing had occurred to make him doubt the glorious +successes to come. Yet were the shortcomings she had so far displayed +distinct and tormenting drawbacks to the enthusiasm with which he had +begun. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +The frenzy of activity grew greater as the time of opening approached. +The three weeks allotted for the rehearsal swept by for Morgan in +tempestuous flight--an impression which he got from watching the +feverish evolutions of his Cleo. He found himself, too, drawn into +London night life, assisting at restaurant supper parties and sitting +down with men in evening dress who affected cloaks and crush hats, and +who were scarcely names to him. Cleo presided, sometimes as hostess, +sometimes as guest; Morgan, who figured as "my husband," having the +feeling that the others were just civilly tolerant to him. As for +himself, he was inclined to be taciturn, being little versed in the +matters on which the rest discoursed so racily. Cleo gave him to +understand that these men, and others he had stumbled against in the +corridors of the theatre and who seemed to have an easy entree to her, +were those whose good will it was necessary to secure--critics, +journalists and the like. She further confided to him that she +considered she had achieved a triumph in drawing them round her. Asked +if they were of the first importance, she had to confess most of them +were attached to various weekly papers, whose influence, however, she +thought must be considerable. The names of the sheets were but dimly +familiar to Morgan and had that equivocal ring about them that +suggested vagueness of circulation. He did not quite approve of this +fawning on critics and hinted as much, whereupon Cleo insisted the +critics were only too glad to fawn on her. + +"Do you suppose they have no insight?" she asked, "that they are +incapable of recognising beauty and genius? They can read the future +in my face, and for the sake of their own reputation they dare not +overlook or ignore me at the outset." + +The world seemed to hold its breath on the last day, and Morgan was +conscious of a strange hush that seemed to hang over the crowded, +grinding thoroughfares. The last of the money had been spent in +advertising, and every portable effect, including his own watch, had +gone to raise more. All day long he lounged about the theatre in +feverish suspense. From the box office man--an incommunicative +individual with an absurd mustache, who spoke with an air of +resentment at being accosted--he learned that the advance booking had +been very slight, that, so far, the announcements and the various odd +paragraphs from the pen of Bohemian acquaintances, who had spoken very +favourably of Cleo's beauty, had failed to attract more than seven or +eight pounds. + +But never for a moment did Cleo lose faith in the venture--that would +have been to lose faith in herself. Of course she knew her name was +absolutely unfamiliar to the public, she explained, in anticipation of +unsatisfactory takings, and, therefore, she could not expect to draw a +full house the first night. She had, however, taken steps to secure +appearances by an extensive distribution of paper. But she expected +the effect of her performance to be magnetic. She alone would stand +forth and the play and the rest of the players would scarcely obtrude +on the consciousness of the spectators. After the first evening or two +they would certainly have to turn away business. + +The near approach of the moment when the realisation of his panoramic +visions was at last to begin, freshened again in Morgan all his sense +of the romance of the situation. There had been times in the last few +days when he had suffered from despondency. There were sides to +theatrical life that were little to his taste. He had long since +known, for instance, that the stage manager was addicted to obscene +talk; and when, one day, just as in the middle of a rehearsal he was +about to step from the wings on to the stage, he was arrested by a +torrent of vileness that came from that same individual, he was not +very much surprised at the mere fact. But he was vexed and disgusted +that the fellow should not have restrained himself in the presence of +Cleo. What was worse, Cleo herself seemed to be perfectly unaware of +anything exceptionable, for she made not the least protest; from which +Morgan gathered that the sort of thing must be quite usual and that, +had he not shunned the rehearsals so persistently, he would have known +it before. Thus, there were moments when he felt utterly alone in this +strange life, when he longed for real, human sympathy. He yearned for +some other being who was not Cleo, to whom to turn, to whom to pour +out the human emotion that was in him; some being who belonged to the +life from which he had cut himself off, and to which he looked back +almost as from another world. Yet these were only momentary longings +that mastered him. His whole interest, his whole imagination, were +bound up with his present life; and the fascination exerted over him +by Cleo and the wonderful future he believed was to be hers sufficed +to attach him enthusiastically to her career. + +Thus, as the rising of the curtain approached, so did the excitement +in him overcome every other emotion; so did he become absolutely a +creature of this region into which he had plunged, breathing its air +with avidity and entranced by the prospect. + +"I've a surprise in store for you, dear," Cleo confided to him that +day at lunch. "I've arranged a special scene at the beginning of the +second act, in which I alone appear. No one has any suspicion of it, +but I tell you, dear, the effect will be wonderful. Coming after I +shall have charmed everybody with my acting in the first act, it will +carry the audience off its feet with enthusiasm." + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Morgan, installed in a box, all by himself, was eagerly interested in +the audience as it came straggling into the house, which, thanks to +the paper distributed, ultimately presented a pretty compact +appearance. He himself was ignorant how much real business had been +done, but, so far as he could judge, the gallery and pit were being +fairly well patronised. No doubt a good many had been drawn by the +gorgeous poster representing Cleo, twice her natural size, and dressed +in a costume somewhat like the one she had worn when he had first made +her acquaintance. Appropriately huge ornamental letter-press declared +her to be "The Basha's Favourite;" and it was on the first act of "The +Basha's Favourite" that the audience was now waiting for the curtain +to rise. + +And at this moment of culminating excitement the scene impressed +Morgan curiously. His mood was essentially one of romance. That the +play itself was full of inanities was forgotten; but its title and +Egyptian colour together with Cleo's personality had somehow got +inter-blent and interwoven with the enterprise itself, making even +its commercial and prosaic sides instinct with mystery and unreality. +He seemed to have wandered into an Arabian Nights' tale. The figures +that filled the stalls, pit, and galleries took on the aspect of a +crowd that might people a dream or the visions a child seeks in its +pillow. He was conscious of the shapeless totality of myriad +conversations--a blur of sound, mystic and bewildering. + +Now, too, the front rows of stalls, which he knew were reserved for +the critics, began to fill, and a waft of unpleasantness came to him +as he recognised a few of the acquaintances he had made at recent +supper parties. The disturbance was fatal to his mood. He felt +suddenly unstrung. A strange sense of unhappiness invaded him--a +bitter, far-embracing uncertainty. He was uncertain of himself, of his +life, of all life. The solid scene faded from before his eyes. He +became self-centred. All his consciousness of living and having +lived--his consciousness of all he had ever felt and all he had ever +thought and all he had ever done--was with him as a vast bitterness +that gave him a sense as of an infinite nebula. And then, as in a +flash, this nebula concentred itself into a point--a point that was +his whole sense of life and consciousness. He was now as in a black +tomb, without past, without future, without sense of direction, +without an active thought; with only a mere awareness of existing, +with only the cognizance of the present time-point on the flowingness +of his consciousness. + +The tuning of instruments began just then, and the rasping sound tore +at him, dragging him back to a consciousness of externals. Then, as +his eyes rested again on the stalls, he drew right back instinctively +into the shadow of his box. For he had caught sight of Lady Thiselton. + +She was in the fourth row from the orchestra and by her side he +recognised Mrs. Blackstone. They could only have just entered, for he +was sure those two seats had been empty but the moment before. He felt +tolerably certain Helen had not yet seen him, and he intended to +take care she should not see him. Yet he had an intuition that she +knew all. + +In his altered position in the box he was fairly safe from recognition +by her, even whilst he could watch her closely, noting the quick, +eager glances she cast about her from time to time as if she thought +it possible he might be seated amid the audience. Eventually, however, +she lapsed into a sort of listless immobility. + +And even though he shrank from her, her advent brought back to him a +yearning wistfulness; it awakened and half-appeased a sense akin to +home-sickness. In that moment he would have liked to fly to her--how +much had she stood for in his life! She symbolized for him all that of +humanness which is comprised in the word "comradeship;" she +represented the truth, attachment and loyalty in human relations even +as Margaret represented the perfume, the sweetness, and the +perfection. + +The rise of the curtain forced him to take his eyes off her. The +background of the scene on the stage was apparently the pillared +exterior of a palace, yet the foreground was a carpeted space in which +a many-coloured medley of yataghaned men with baggy breeches and +beautiful slave-girls in Oriental costumes kept re-forming in +ever-shifting kaleidoscopic grouping. And then the audience suddenly +were aware that the medley had divided into two harmonious +sub-medleys, whilst, in the chasm left towards the front, Cleo stood +majestically and addressed a verbose harangue to the Basha, her +relation to whom was known from the title of the play. In full view +and hearing of so heterogeneous a crowd did the Basha in return +reproach her with coldness and indifference to him, which she +vehemently denied, playing the _femme incomprise_ and by her perfect +self-assurance cloaking an intrigue, which Morgan knew she was +carrying on with a handsome Christian, because, having read the play, +he knew what was coming. + +In the unfolding of the plot, Morgan was quite uninterested. In fact, +he had long since lost all grasp of its movement and meaning, and, +instead of taking in the dialogue, he contented himself with judging +effects and their impression on the audience. + +Though he had seen a little of the rehearsals, he had not yet acquired +any notion of Cleo's abilities, for she had been busy directing and +criticising, simply reading her part as a "fill-in." He had all along +taken it for granted that she must be a great actress. At his most +despondent moments he had never doubted that, simply because it had +never occurred to him to doubt it. However, he was not without some +notion of what good acting should be, and he felt something like a +murderous bludgeon blow when, at the end of five minutes, it began to +be forced on him that she had not even the least glimmer of instinct +for her art. + +Despite all her magnificence and the absence of any gaucherie in her +movements when off the stage, all natural grace disappeared the moment +she attempted to be somebody else. Her delivery was unnatural and +pompous; her motions were stiff, strained, ridiculous. The whole of +the first act was unsatisfying to the intelligence, but instead of +dominating it by the force of her personality, Cleo, by the +incompetence of her acting, set up its silliness in relief. If she had +not talked as much as all the other characters put together--for +every word that even the Basha managed to steal in elicited ten +against it--there would have been nothing to suggest she was the +leading character. At one point, indeed, her absurd strutting about +the stage drew a chuckle from somewhere among the ranks of the +critics. To watch her became so painful that Morgan at last turned +away his eyes. + +All was over. His beautiful visions had gone. His eyes were suddenly +opened and he found himself transported from dreamland, not to +reality--for he could not yet believe this was reality--but into what +seemed a horrible nightmare. + +The act ended at last and the curtain fell amid a frigid silence. Then +there was a little clapping in the gallery--the colour had no doubt +pleased a few of the spectators. But it died away immediately in +discouragement. + +There were the usual noises of shuffling and disarrangement and +talking and exits. Morgan drew back as far as he could into the +shadow. He was glad to be thus isolated--he could overhear no +criticism or comments. Naturally his looks stole towards Helen. She +had not moved. He could see that a strange, sad expression had come +over her face. Then she seemed to smile as Mrs. Blackstone made some +remark to her and a reply fell languidly from her lips, after which a +desultory conversation sprang up between the two. + +In that moment it seemed to Morgan that Helen had some wondrous power +against fate and he seemed to be wishing with the intensity of prayer +that she might raise her hand and release him from his nightmare. + +But he knew that was only a yearning fancy! + +And as the thought came to him that the curtain was to rise again in a +moment, it brought back to his memory the precious confidence Cleo had +whispered to him at lunch time. + +"I've a surprise in store for you, dear"--the words surged up again in +his ears--"I've arranged a special scene at the beginning of the +second act, in which I alone appear. No one has any suspicion of it, +but I tell you, dear, that the effect will be wonderful. Coming after +I shall have charmed everybody with my acting in the first act, it +will carry the audience off its feet with enthusiasm." + +As nobody had the air of having been charmed by the first act, he +wondered how the predicted effect would be altered in consequence. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Morgan, of course, could not guess the nature of the new scene that +Cleo was now going to introduce. The stage during the second act was +to represent "a private apartment in the palace," and here the action +assumed some dramatic semblance, taking the following course: The +Christian lover manages to effect an entry into this same private +apartment and to hold a long, loving discourse with the Basha's +favourite, and when eventually the two are about to embrace, in comes +no less a personage than the Basha himself, and advances quietly on +tip-toe and listens for awhile. Suddenly he stamps his foot on the +ground and the room is filled, as by magic, with eunuchs and soldiers. +The audience once more get kaleidoscopic impressions, and Cleo and the +Christian are seized and bound, both spitting defiance and declaring +their mutual eternal love, on hearing which the Basha turns pale under +his Oriental skin. The curtain falls as he bids his myrmidons put her +into a sack and heave her into the Nile, and his favourite is carried +off, loudly bidding her lover take heart, for she loves him and will +love him always. + +Morgan could not see what Cleo could possibly add to this, and his +curiosity gave him some little temporary spurt of interest as the +curtain rose. Up it went, slowly, slowly, and the apartment in the +palace stood revealed in all the glory of gilded pillars and mirrors +and rugs. In front of a huge stretch of mirror on the right was a +couch, on which sat Cleo, wrapped in a sort of yellow silk cloak which +fell about her in pleasing folds. Morgan was beginning to think that +she must have deemed it best to omit the innovation, when Cleo rose +languorously, took a step towards the great mirror, and, standing +erect, inspected herself therein. "Yes, I am worthy of him," she said +to herself proudly, then, with a brusque movement, she disengaged the +garment from her shoulders and it slipped to the ground and lay there +in a soft heap. The spectators then became aware that, save for a sort +of transparent web of floating serpentine drapery, it had been her +sole covering, and Cleo herself remained gazing into the mirror, +regarding her gleaming reflection with evident admiration, whilst the +other mirrors likewise gave back the sinuous grace and superb +modelling of her body. + +The silence for a moment was profound and painful. Cleo's audacity had +caught the audience by the throat so that it could not breathe. Her +all-consuming egotism had driven her to this device for satisfying her +rage for the world's admiration. And as she stood there in statuesque +pose, her rich golden-red hair falling over her shoulders and the full +scarlet of her lips gleaming startlingly, awaiting a great storm of +charmed applause, for which the audience seemed to be gathering its +forces in the interval, again she sent that strange loose softness of +her voice floating through the theatre like a hot wind: "Yes, I am +worthy of him." + +But she had scarcely got through the phrase when a piercing cat-call +shrilled through the house from the back of the pit. Almost +simultaneously a derisive howl came from the gallery; and then an +appalling hissing, hooting, and groaning broke on Cleo with the force +of a tempest that drove towards her from all points. She turned a +defiant face to it and gave the house a blazing look of contempt. But +a whole chorus of cat-calls now sprang up, dominating a sort of +see-saw of dissonant disapprobation. The stalls alone sat in solemn, +wondering silence, not unmixed with apprehension. And suddenly the +curtain began to descend, whereupon the uproar ceased abruptly in +favour of a mighty spontaneous outbreak of cheering, unmistakably +ironic. + +Those behind the scenes had been as much astonished as those in front, +and the stage manager, as soon as he had collected his wits, had +adopted the only sensible alternative the situation afforded. + +A silence fell again upon the theatre. Not a person stirred. An +obvious curiosity as to what was to follow possessed the house. In a +minute the curtain rose again--on the same apartment in the palace. +Cleo reclined on the same couch, robed in a terra-cotta gown which +Morgan recognised at once. And then there came a tapping at a little +window, and, after much appropriate dramatic business, this window was +opened by Cleo, and her lover leaped into the room, man-like and +adventurous. + +But Cleo's audacious mistake had wrought a miracle on the audience, +destroying the stage-illusion, and rousing its dormant light of +intelligence. Its capacity for being profoundly played upon and +emotionally excited by the inartistic unrealities of absurd +characterisation and of absurd combinations of circumstance had been +rendered unresponsive. In vain did the play appeal to its ethical +sense, striving to enlist its hope for the ultimate triumph of the +Good, the True, and the Wronged. It had begun to view "The Basha's +Favourite" in an extremely critical mood, and to manifest its keen +sense of the utter impossibility of a play, which in years gone by had +enchanted and moved to tears average audiences, not only in its native +land, but in London as well, where it had been a sort of fountain-head +for multitudinous adaptation. + +Cleo, however, went straight on with the performance, carrying it +through with an indomitable defiance, caring not at all that the +intensest passages, which otherwise would have thrilled, were received +with scorn and laughter and ironical cheers and cries of "Go it, old +girl!" Each time a servant made an entry he was received with an +enormous ovation. Single voices were heard again and again in +sarcastic comment, now from the top of the house, now from the back. +As the curtain fell at the end of each act, the disorder became +volcanic, but the stage manager knew better than to allow the curtain +to go up again in response to the continued applause. + +Certain it was that the audience thoroughly enjoyed its evening, and, +when the curtain fell for the last time, surpassed itself in a great +demonstration of its frolicsome mood. It had been obvious throughout +that the house had been quite conscious of its own superior +intellectuality, of its immeasurable elevation above the fare offered. +But Morgan derived his sense of the ghastly failure of the whole +business, not so much from the demeanour of the audience as from that +of one of the critics, who somehow summed it up for him. This critic, +whose bald pate had fascinated his eye, had a curiously irritating, +spasmodic chuckle, and Morgan in vain tried to be unaware of him. + +In the intervals of the acts he had remained numbed and dazed, only +gathering to himself a grain of sympathy from the piteous look in +Helen's face. Her demeanour confirmed his intuition, that she must +know everything. She had sat rigid and mournfully attentive in +contrast to Mrs. Blackstone, who had laughed with decorous unrestraint +the whole evening. But he could not prevail upon himself to let her +discover him, and at once plunged behind the scenes to get to Cleo. + +He found her in her dressing-room with her maid, who had come to the +theatre to help her, and he had a thrill of disgust as he watched her +rub the cleansing grease over her painted cheeks. It now struck him as +horrible--this pollution of the human face night after night with +filthy cosmetics that could only be removed by a filthier grease. He +felt that all she had so far restrained was going to break forth and +he stood by with subdued mien. Such shattering as had befallen himself +he was strong enough not to consider for the moment. His immediate +feeling was one of pity for her. He fancied he saw her now, not as the +heroine of his fantasy, but just as she was. Sympathy in him there was +none, and he could not make a hypocritical show of any. But he soon +understood that she took it for granted his faith in her was as +unshaken as her own; that she really believed her performance had been +a great one. Her self-illusion was pitiable. She burst forth into +bitter invective against the public, he listening without being able +to find his tongue, but with the consciousness that, even if she had +behaved madly that evening, the audience deserved at least some of +her censure. Why had it sat there, so determined to have its evening's +fun out, cruelly hounding and torturing a creature who, from her very +temperament, must have found the punishment a hellish one? Why, if +people had really been shocked, had they not quietly left the theatre? +That surely would have been sufficient indication of their +disapproval. "I am not beaten yet!" cried Cleo, with frenzy. "The day +will come when these people will fight and trample over one another's +bodies to catch the least glimpse of me. To-day they have rejected me +with scorn, as they have always rejected the greatest. Read the early +careers of the actresses the world now worships! But I am a hundred +times more determined than before. The public shall treasure the dust +my feet have trod on. They shall look back on to-night as a blot on +their lives. My genius shall triumph! My genius shall force them to +submission!" + +However, he induced her to come and have a little supper alone with +him. As they passed out through the stage door the man handed him a +twisted note, which Cleo was too absorbed to notice. A glance sufficed +to enable him to recognize Helen's writing, though it was but hastily +scrawled in lead. The fact that it was addressed to him in his +newly-assumed name was the final confirmation of her knowledge of his +fate. He put it away till he could read it, trying not to wonder at +its contents. + +Meanwhile, he was shutting his eyes as to what was to follow. He knew +very well that even if he opened them he would equally see nothing, +but it gave him some comfort to imagine he was shutting out a view it +were better not to look at. He managed to get Cleo to eat and drink a +little, and when she was calmer she told him the theatre was to open +the next evening just as if they had scored a great success. He knew +better than to make any show of opposition or disapproval just then, +though his heart became still heavier at this announcement of hers. He +mentally vowed, however, he would take care to remain behind the +scenes. He did not venture to ask her whether she intended to repeat +"the innovation" that had done the mischief, because he feared her +pride might force her to defiant assertion that she would most +certainly repeat it; whereas, if no reference were made to it, she +would, in all probability, quietly omit it. + +She ended by a great fit of hysteric weeping that lasted half the +night. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + + + "My poor, dear Morgan," read Lady Thiselton's note. "My heart is + a-bleeding. The moment I saw her appear I understood everything. + Of course, I don't know how you came to meet her, but such a + creature was bound to be fatal to you. Your marriage to her can + only be considered as the veriest mockery. It would be a crime + against Heaven--observe that this crisis has made me + religious--to look upon it seriously at all. Won't you come to + see me, Morgan? You must need a friend and surely I have the + right to be that friend. Why not come to-morrow afternoon; or + when you will, if you will send me a message. H. T." + + "P. S.--I hope she'll see this so that she quarrels with you and + casts you off." + + +He knew he must go to her, but he shrank from doing so as yet, though +he did not try to explain to himself the shrinking. So he sent her a +line saying he would come one afternoon when he felt he had the +courage. After posting the letter he had a great longing to cry. + +He realised the ugliness of the position now, his terrible relation to +this strange, hysteric woman, and the thought kept darting through his +mind like a whizzing shaft of flame: "I am married to her, I am +married to her!" + +To weave poetry out of life! That was simply to attempt what poets and +philosophers and even imaginative men of affairs, seduced by the +apparent novelty of the notion, had attempted before him. At a certain +point of existence, such men find it easy to tell themselves--as if in +unsuspecting answer to some dim foresight of what the experiment might +lead to--that it does not matter much what happens to one in life, so +long as it is a series of interesting happenings; interesting, that +is, to each according to his temperament. But poems woven of reality +are not the same detached products as poems written on paper. They are +an integral part of life, and, as such, related to its great forward +sweep. All the consequences that attach to human action must attach to +the particular weaving, however fantastic and pleasing the immediate +pattern. + +Morgan was now face to face with the consequences of this attitude he +had taken towards existence, though it had been forced on him by his +temperament. And they were consequences that were not goodly to look +upon. + +Cleo had gone early to the theatre to go into the accounts and to show +everybody she was not in the least disconcerted. When he himself +arrived some time later she informed him that last night's takings +were about twenty-five pounds, but she had already paid away the bulk +of it for fresh advertising. She was once more calm and business-like, +despite that their funds were exhausted, and besides various +liabilities there were the salaries and wages to be paid at the end of +the week. As yet, however, nobody about the house had any suspicion of +the emptiness of the treasury. + +The newspapers, he was glad to find, had dealt with Cleo very gently. +The notices were short and cold, just giving an outline of the play, +which, they said, was indifferently acted and practically a failure. +No mention was made of her indiscretion and it was perfectly obvious +from the tone of these notices that the writers had felt she had been +sufficiently punished, and that, for the rest, she was not to be taken +seriously. There came, too, a message from the censor, to whom, +somehow, last night's occurrence had got known, to the effect that the +beginning of the second act must be omitted, else he must forbid the +play to be repeated. From his letter it was clear the censor was +taking the same charitable view as the critics, and that he foresaw +the piece would very soon die a natural death. Cleo shrugged her +shoulders and wrote the necessary undertaking. Morgan understood that +her "innovation" might have got her into serious trouble, had not the +entire hopelessness of her acting proclaimed her as a person to be +pitied. + +That same day Morgan could not help broaching the subject of the +finances. The money side of the enterprise had by now got stamped on +his brain. He had a grasp of the various items of their liabilities, +and he felt the responsibility for them to rest upon him. No longer +might he repose at ease in the secure shade of her mighty presence. +She, however, refused to bow her head under the weight of business +difficulties. + +"We have till the week's end," she said. "There is nothing to worry +about now." + +He did not find this reply reassuring and felt impelled to make out +for himself a list of the debts, including the salaries and wages that +would have to be provided for by the Saturday. The total amount was +about three hundred pounds, the same as the sum already expended. He +carefully put the list away in his pocket-book, with what end he knew +not. + +In the evening the house presented a rather more than half-filled +appearance, a result which had been mainly achieved by paper. At the +box office the takings were only about seven pounds. It was quite +clear that Cleo, whatever gossip she might have caused in professional +circles, had created no profound sensation in the town, so that not +even a _succes de scandale_ was decreed to her. The play itself went +very fairly indeed this second time, though it was acted scarcely a +whit better than the evening before. Cleo perhaps put a trifle more +ornamentation into her part, but the audience showed no critical +tendencies. + +On the third evening the theatre was two-thirds empty, and two pounds +four and sixpence represented the seats actually paid for. On the +fourth evening they played almost to empty benches, the takings +amounting to seventeen shillings and sixpence. This ended the +experiment. + +The fifth day--Friday--was an eventful one, for duns began to arrive +early in the morning. The creditors had suddenly become assailed with +doubts, which were now deepened by the return of their emissaries, who +not only had been unable to obtain access to Cleo, but who had +furtively been warned by the traitorous stage manager "to look sharp +after their money." The _camaraderie_ that had hitherto subsisted +between that gentleman and Cleo had come to an abrupt end, she cutting +him short impatiently in the course of some discussion and bidding him +not to argue. In further token of his annoyance he had worded a +notice she had told him to put up as follows: + +"The curtain will not rise to-night. Treasury to-morrow at mid-day, +if possible." + +The actors and actresses looked very sad, indeed, as their eye +stumbled on the last two words. Cleo, in ignorance that the stage +manager had exceeded her directions, for he had inserted the +"treasury" part of the announcement on his own responsibility, was +invaded by the company in a body. Being pressed by the ladies and +gentlemen for some definite statement about their salaries--for +several of them were in great need, having long been out of an +engagement--she turned on them in towering fury and asked how they +dared insult her by questioning her _bona fides_ in that way. But as +soon as she learned what had dictated their action, she at once sent +for the stage manager and, in presence of all assembled, curtly +ordered him to leave "her theatre" immediately. At first he stood +dumfounded, and, on her repeating her injunction more vehemently, he +began to bluster back at her. A pretty scene ensued, he, with much +Billingsgate, lustily demanding his money, she insisting he must come +for it at the right time and place. In the end, she sent for the +police, and the astonished stage manager found himself forcibly +ejected. She next proceeded to tear down the offensive notice, and +soon afterwards the company departed, leaving Cleo and Morgan in sole +possession. + +"What's going to happen to-morrow?" he could not help saying, when +Cleo had at length finished telling him her estimate of the stage +manager's character. + +"When mid-day comes, the salaries shall be paid without fail," +replied Cleo unhesitatingly. "You just don't trouble your mind," she +added. "Leave me to arrange everything." + +He pressed her for details. But beyond a general assurance, conveyed +with an air of mystery that on the morrow he would find their coffers +quite replete, she would tell him nothing. They went to lunch +together, for there was always some small silver at the bottom of +Cleo's purse, and she then gave him to understand she had business to +transact here and there during the afternoon, and that he must amuse +himself alone as best he could. + +Vaguely supposing that this secret business had reference to the +raising of funds, Morgan separated from her and went back to their +rooms, where, at least, he felt he was hidden away from the world. A +little later he had an idea. He would go and see Helen. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Helen looked wonderfully sweet to-day and an atmosphere of quiet calm +seemed to pervade the room. It seemed to Morgan as if he had entered +into a haven. Helen wore a simple grey gown that went well with her +subdued demeanour. The sanity and soundness that underlay her +occasional frolicsomeness and high spirits became in that moment +accentuated for him; and the almost superstitious feeling he had +experienced at seeing her at the theatre now returned to him, the +feeling that she was possessed of some magic power to redeem him. + +"I have been too shame-faced to come before," he began. "I knew I did +not deserve to see you again." + +"Don't, please," said Helen. "If you make speeches of that kind you +will force me to be flippant, quite against my sense of the fitness of +things at this moment. Not that I want to be too tragic, but my state +of mind is rather a complex one. What's yours?" + +"Mine is a very simple one. I am just conscious of mere existence and +of a heavy weight on my head." + +"I don't like your symptoms, Morgan. If I diagnose correctly, they +mean nascent 'desperation.' Now, so long as I am in the world, you +ought never to develop that disease." + +"But I omitted one important factor of my state of mind," he +confessed; "and that is the knowledge that you _are_ in the world." + +"And does it take your attention off the weight of the load--just a +little?" + +"It is the one pleasant fact I have to dwell upon. But please talk a +little about yourself. It will do me good." + +She, however, had little to tell him. His letter had dealt her a heavy +blow. His silence about the details of his sudden action had made her +the prey of her imagination, which had created frightful +possibilities. Her favourite theory had been--an indiscretion +committed by him in some moment of depression and a remorse that had +resulted in a marriage with some vile person. But she had been +somewhat reassured at seeing him go into the theatre one day in +company with Cleo. That had been a pure accident, of course, but it +had enabled her to divine a good deal. Cleo's appearance--she had +taken particular notice of her face--had at least narrowed that vast +dreadfulness which had till then tortured her. But it was a face that +by no means pleased her. + +"However," continued Helen, "it seems I've been talking about you +instead of about myself. I have been living, I suppose, in the usual +conventional routine. My conduct has been really most exemplary and +the austerest chaperon would have patted me on the head approvingly. +Oh, no, I forget. There's one little matter over which I should have +got lectured and that is my rejection of so eligible a bachelor as Mr. +Ingram, on the mere ground that I couldn't overlook his past life. +Anyhow, he hasn't committed suicide, though I fancy he has done +something worse." + +"You mean he has followed my example?" suggested Morgan. + +"Not anything as bad as that. You know I'm only the daughter of a +country gentleman and the widow of a baronet. Well, he has consoled +himself by marrying the genuine brand of aristocracy, though she's a +_divorcee_. Her income's double mine; her intelligence one-tenth of +mine." + +"She must be a very brilliant woman, indeed." + +"You have developed courtly qualities, I perceive. But I am quite +ready to concede, on re-consideration, that her intellect is only the +hundredth part of mine. You know I am frightfully conceited about my +brains. But now tell me how everything came to happen? Where did you +meet her?" + +He recollected that Ingram was implicated in the recital and could not +be kept out. But he was in a mood when he could no longer keep back +anything. He hungered for every crumb of sympathy he could get, and, +besides, he looked upon things now with such changed eyes that such +reservations relating to his personal life as he had before set up +seemed futile and meaningless. Very soon Helen had learned how his +connection with Ingram had begun and developed, by what strange chance +the letter he had written to him had spun the first thread of the web +in which he was now floundering, and how he had sought to lose himself +in the apparent dreamland before him. Helen's eyes were fixed on him +as her quick brain seized on every point. The narration came to her as +a complete revelation. + +"And if I hadn't insisted on your dining that evening," she cried, +"you would never have got into this purgatory of a dreamland." + +"I think I should have got there all the same," he answered, smiling, +conscious of how much good it was doing him to talk to his dear friend +again. "I must have met Ingram sooner or later and then the same thing +would have happened." + +"Ingram is a blackguard!" said Helen severely. "With all his +thick-headed cleverness, he had yet insight enough to know that you +would be taken with that creature. Probably he knew already how your +letter had impressed her and that she was curious about you. And so he +reckoned to play on your temperament, hoping that might prove an easy +method of ending his connection with her. Why, he must have jumped at +the idea of taking you to her." + +Morgan was rather apologetic on Ingram's behalf, pleading that he must +have yielded to the sudden temptation and was not really such a +Machiavellian fellow. + +"There have been times when, I feel sure, he spoke to me from his +heart. But I do not feel revengeful against him, so let him be dead +and buried, so far as we are concerned." + +"With all my heart," said Helen. "But I confess," she went on +laughingly, "it annoys me to think you saw more of the game than I +that evening. That is a fact that wounds my vanity. And now about this +theatre business. You must be in a terrible plight. Was there ever +such a man as you, Morgan, for getting into scrapes?" + +"When a man is born into the wrong world--" he began. + +"He must be a very interesting sort of person to know," concluded +Helen. + +When Morgan went on to relate the history of the enterprise he +seemed to get a saner adjustment of his mental focus. In the telling +he had sight of the whole business as a lamentable, real piece of his +personal life, even perceiving as he described the stormy incidents of +that morning--more dramatic than anything in "The Basha's +Favourite"--that it had not been without its humorous elements. He +understood quite well, of course, that unless Cleo now found the +requisite money, she would be hopelessly bankrupt. + +"And so she's confident of finding it," observed Helen. + +"I am quite in the dark," said Morgan. + +"Perhaps she intends opening the theatre again." + +"Heaven forbid!" + +"You don't expect she'd take any notice of the prohibition! Now +Morgan, dear, I think you've treated her handsomely and she has cause +to be grateful to you. You offered her the incense of a profound faith +in her genius and a profound admiration of her person. Not content +with that, she needs must have the same incense--compounded of the +same two essentials, observe you--from the world at large. For this +purpose you made her a nice little money present and enabled her to +realise her dreams of a theatre. You gave her the greatest joy of her +life. In return--what has she given you? A few kisses, a pretence of +love, and a heavy burden on your poor head! If the madcap hadn't tied +you to her, the worst criticism to be made would have been that you +could have got the kisses and the rest very much cheaper. But as it +is--well, I think you'd better say good-bye to her." + +Morgan shook his head. "Impossible!" he said. + +"She wouldn't grieve very much," insisted Helen. "She certainly +couldn't go on doing anything for long except thinking of herself. You +may be sure that once she realises your present estimate of her, she +will not wish to keep you longer. She is not wicked--as I am, you +know--she is simply an exaggerated incarnation of the most +unsatisfactory sides of feminine nature. All women have something of +her in them, but the less of her they have the more charming you'll +find them. In the sham, tawdry world of the footlights she feels +something akin to her whole being. It calls to such a woman almost +from her very cradle, and fly to it she must. It is true that, in her +case, this stage-infatuation was a real misfortune, for in some other +walk she might have made a furore. That nude scene, in fact, was +symbolic of the temperament, and, had she taken to writing, would have +come out as an autobiographic novel. There are women who cannot make +themselves interesting to men without the confidence-trick, who cannot +even talk to a man for the first time without laying bare their whole +souls. Should a woman you scarcely know try the trick on you--shun +her. She also is afflicted with the same disease as your Cleo, with +the same rage for displaying her interesting self; though it may find +a more refined--and certainly a more decent--expression. I am giving +you so long a lecture because you sadly need it. I am giving away my +sisters to you, because you must be protected against them. If I had +given you a few such sermons in the past, you would not have had to +undergo the punishment of listening to this one now. Now, having well +lectured you, let us proceed to be practical. I am going to pay the +debts she has incurred and after that she ought to leave you free." + +"No, Helen!" exclaimed Morgan. "You have paid enough already. I feel +utterly contemptible when I think of the use to which I have put your +money." + +"Why will you persist in taking such unphilosophic views? For a poet, +you have a singular grip on the world. To me money is not such a +reality. And if it were, what is it between you and me? If the +position were reversed, Morgan--it may be a shocking admission to +make--I should not hesitate to take money from you, you conventional +Philistine. I thought you were above such petty considerations--to say +nothing of their coarseness." + +"It's unkind of you to overload me with debt and employ specious +arguments to persuade me the load doesn't weigh." + +"How can there be such a thing as a debt between us? I don't really +believe you're going to punish me by not behaving sensibly." + +And so the battle continued, each fighting doggedly. He kept dragging +in the five hundred pounds he had already had, and she insisting that +mustn't count, even if regarded from a strict business point of view. +For she claimed that he had caused her unspeakable torture of late, at +least as great as that of a lady plaintiff in a breach of promise +case, and she was, therefore, entitled to damages. The pleasure he +would give her by his agreeing to the cancelling of the old debt would +only be fair compensation. Then, since this old debt had been wiped +out, there was no reason why she should not help now. + +He ended by compromising on both points. The repayment of the five +hundred pounds was to be deferred indefinitely, the debt itself being +absolutely cancelled in the meanwhile, but it was to revive if he +should ever have the means to satisfy it. And also Helen was to be +allowed to pay the theatrical liabilities, provided Cleo agreed to her +doing so, though her identity was not to be divulged. + +"And now that we have at last come to an understanding, I think we +deserve some tea after our exertions," she declared, rising to ring +for it. "Practically I have gained my points, though not verbally. I +have profound faith in woman's dogged persistence. It can achieve +anything--even win your love, Morgan. Let me see. How far had we got? +You were to kiss me on the forehead once each time? And this stage has +four months to run before any advance can be made." + +Her reference to her love for him chilled him. Somehow he now believed +in it as real, though he had always taken it as a toying pretence. He +had come to her to-day as to a comrade--to feel himself in shelter for +a little while, and for the luxury of opening his heart to her. And +now there came upon him a great sense of guilt towards Helen, perhaps +accentuated at that moment when his consciousness of her worth had +arrived at its fullest and had endeared her to him more than ever +before. He was filled with remorse as he remembered he had taken +pleasure in keeping from her the knowledge of Margaret's very +existence, when Margaret was for him all that Helen aspired to be. + +His habit of keeping the various threads of his life distinct had led +him to omit the consideration of what might be involved in their +subtle relation, for they were all necessarily related since they were +merged in the wholeness of his life; and it seemed to him now, all +a-thrill as he was with Helen's sympathy, he had behaved abominably in +not telling her that his spirit vibrated only for Margaret, that the +thought of Margaret brought him all the magic emotion that floats and +palpitates, like some wondrous sweet perfume, and that the elect who +love true alone may know. + +He had already told her to-day much of what he had hidden from her. +Let him complete the confession and reveal even what was most sacred +to him. Even now he was conscious of certain instincts that made for +reservation, but he fought against them. + +"Helen," he called, "I wonder whether you would care to listen to the +sentimental chapters." + +She had been watching his face whilst he had hesitated and she now +grew white. + +"You know we used to talk quite a deal about those sentimental +chapters," he went on. "There was a sweet little girl, too, whose +existence you suspected." + +"I remember," said Helen faintly. "We did talk about those chapters, +but you would never let me get a glimpse of what was inside them. And +then I could never really learn whether they were real or imaginary. +As a woman of the world, I believed there must be such chapters in the +biography of a young man who had lived twenty-eight whole years; as a +woman in love with the young man of twenty-eight, I longed to +disbelieve in them. Which shows that the real nature of the individual +is finer than life is. Life would make us all cynics if the noble in +some of us did not find truth too plebeian a fellow to keep company +with. I have long since suspected that truth is not that beautiful +nude young person one sees rising out of wells at Academy Exhibitions. +Illusion, at any rate, is every whit as real a factor of the universe, +and it is far more agreeable to live with. So, naturally, Morgan, I +chose it to live with, hoping, of course, it was not illusion. +However, there _was_ a sweet, little girl?" + +"Your inference from my poem was perfectly correct." + +"Farewell, my fine dreams," said Helen, in mock-heroic declamation, +which did not blind him to the pain beneath. "But you'll introduce me +to her, won't you?" + +"It's the sweet little girl's sister," he corrected; "but I can't +introduce you to her, because I shall never see her again." + +"You _shall_ see her again," said Helen. "Don't be such a faint +heart." + +"Even if I were free, I am not fit even to look at her." + +"The sooner you get a more appreciative conception of yourself, the +better." + +"Truth has too great a hold over me for that." + +"How fine it must be to be loved by you," half-mused Helen. "With you +it is first love and everlasting." + +"Yes, it is everlasting. It is a quality of my fibre, divinely inwoven +like mind in matter. It is something immortal, so that even if +Margaret change and forget me wholly, she can never take away the +living fragrance that came to me in the first times. I have loved her +and shall love her always." + +"What nice things you say. If they could only have been inspired by +me! But all that is over now. So her name's Margaret. I am sure she +will never change, nor even begin to forget you, Morgan. But won't you +begin to read those chapters now? I do so want to hear them." + +He placed them before her unreservedly and she at length had his life +complete. But when he had finished he was alarmed at her pallor. + +"You are not well, Helen," he cried impulsively. + +"'Tis nothing. I shall be all right in a moment." She drew her breath +heavily. "It feels like pins and needles," she added. "I want to get +the transition over now, though it is rather an abrupt one." + +"The transition!" he repeated, only half-comprehending. + +"Yes. It is attended with queer sensations. Pins and needles, +thousands of them--and something feels tight. But I shall emerge all +the better for it. So far I have only loved you; henceforth I want to +love you and Margaret as well." + +"How I have made you suffer!" he murmured brokenly. His hand sought +hers. "My good angel!" + +She drew her hand back. + +"No--not angel, but only a simple prophet; and as a prophet I tell you +you were born to be happy." + +He shook his head, bethinking himself he must go back to his Cleo. + +"Now I hope you won't make me miserable again," said Helen, as he rose +to go, "by leaving me in the dark about you. And mind you let me know +at once if you have need of me to-morrow. A special messenger will be +sure to find me, as I shall not be leaving the house till four +o'clock. Keep a stout heart and let the light of hope vanquish the +vapours and fogs. Above all, bear my prophecy in mind." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +When Morgan got back to their lodgings he had the sensation of +entering the atmosphere of a charnel house. Cleo had not come home +yet, and he had leisure to ponder on Helen's attitude towards him and +her bearing when she had learned all. Of course, he told himself, he +must not take any notice of her wild suggestion that he and Cleo must +part and that their marriage didn't count; nor did he permit himself +to be allured by her optimistic pre-perception of the future. Noble +heart that she was, she had been striving to lessen his pain. He felt +he understood what had prompted her every word. And the readiness with +which she had bowed her head in acceptance of the emotional position +as soon as she knew about Margaret compelled his admiration. Not a +word of rebellion, but only a quick gasp of breath; and then he was +conscious he had won a sturdy ally. + +Ally! When there was to be no battle, was not the word an empty one? +Yet no; surely it was a blessed thing to know of a ready and willing +heart, even if its services could not avail one! That which signified +naught in practical light signified much humanly. + +He was awake now, could see the exact bearings of things, and he felt +a desperate courage to stand his ground. All his sense of suffering, +of the shipwreck he had made, and of what he might have to face in the +next few days, had become fused into one large poignant emotion. It +was an extra poignancy to be aware that Helen would continue to suffer +because of his determination to face the consequences. But he was +married to Cleo, and, unless she expressly left him, he must stand by +her. + +Cleo returned about half-past five and ordered some tea. She said she +was just a little tired, but her face was jubilant as she handed him +two weekly papers that had appeared that day containing laudatory +notices of "The Basha's Favourite," In spite of her attempting to +appear calm, he could see she was very much excited about them, and +when he had read the strings of unblushing falsehood and handed them +back to her in silence, she lovingly let her eye run over them again. +Over the tea, she grew eloquent once more, especially drawing his +attention to the truth of particular phrases and to the admirable +insight and appreciation of the writers. But she volunteered no +information about the business which had occupied her afternoon. +Morgan was somewhat puzzled. He was still inclined to hold to his +belief that she had gone on some harum-scarum chase after money, but +as she did not manifest the least sign of disappointment or dejection, +it was hard to think that her pockets were as empty as before. He +refrained from questioning her, however, for in a grim way he had +begun to derive entertainment from watching her, and he, therefore, +did not wish to interfere with her. He preferred to wait and see what +coup it was she was now preparing. + +After tea, Cleo suggested it would be a good idea if she had her +effects removed from the theatre. Her costumes, in particular, she was +eager to have safe at home. So Morgan accompanied her to the theatre. +She had already packed everything in a large trunk, which she now had +carried down. But in the corridor the two commissionaires attached to +the house sternly blocked the way. They were very sorry, but the +lessees' orders were that nothing was to be allowed to pass out, +having regard to the amount still due under the contract for the +theatre. + +Cleo passionately ordered them to stand aside. The men insisted that +though the obligation of paying their wages rested on her, they were +still the lessees' servants, and had to obey their orders. Morgan +argued with them quietly, but found them obdurate. He did not know if +this action of the lessees was legal or not, but anyhow money was +owing to them and there seemed to be a show of justice on their side. +He took Cleo aside and besought her to let the matter rest for the +moment, pointing out that, as the men were so determined, there was +nothing else to be done, short of a physical set-to. "Besides," he +added, "if you are quite confident of settling everything to-morrow, +the trunk may just as well stay here over night." + +To this Cleo ultimately agreed, won over by Morgan's last argument. +But none the less did she give loud expression to all that was in her +mind anent the lessees and the commissionaires. She went home again +with Morgan in the worst of humours at having been thus baffled. But +later in the evening she attired herself gaily and carried him off to +a little restaurant supper party, given by a gentleman he had met +before, but about whose occupation he possessed no information, though +he had gathered that the theatre was his chief interest. There was one +other lady, plentifully powdered, and two other men of the party, but +the host was the most garrulous of all, pouring out the most fulsome +flattery of Cleo's acting and assuring her the critics hadn't treated +her fairly and that all artistic aspiration was wasted on the British +public. The same ground was traversed again and again, the bulk of the +conversation centering round Cleo. + +To Morgan it seemed that Cleo had made an enormous number of +acquaintances in the few weeks that had elapsed since their marriage, +and with many of them she appeared to be on terms of easy +_camaraderie_. Every day during the week scores of visitors had +dropped in to see her and to chat familiarly--all sorts of strange men +and women that seemed to flock round her, anomalous citizens of +Bohemia, vague hangers-on of the theatrical cosmos; all that strange +melange of the happy-go-lucky, the eccentric, the ill-balanced, the +blackguardly, the unprincipled, the hapless, the shiftless, the +unclassed, the sensual and the besotted that shoulder and hustle one +another in the world of the theatre; all the riff-raff recruited from +the greater world without by the fascinating glare of the footlights. + +The supper was a gay one, and Cleo, drawing new life from the stream +of adulation, strolled home on Morgan's arm, overflowing with the +wonder of her own personality, was it in regard to her genius as an +actress, or was it in regard to the magnetism of her beauty. Her step +seemed to have recovered all its old springiness; her defeat was as if +it had not been. She was very optimistic about her career and again +spoke of Morgan one day writing the play of her life. That would be, +of course, after they had travelled in Egypt and the East. He was +sufficiently taken off his guard by her demeanour to begin to think it +was impossible she should not have some mysterious financial resource +to fall back upon for the morrow. + +"We shall not want to be very long at the theatre," were her last +words to him that night. "Let us try and get there by ten. I shall pay +the salaries at twelve o'clock and we can leave the house soon +after." + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +Morgan's attitude in the morning was one of interested expectancy. +Cleo was as full of vitality as ever. Perhaps it was that, as she +entered the theatre, the sight of her trunk, waiting in the corridor +for redemption, stimulated her masterfulness afresh, for she found +pretext for asserting her authority over everybody on the premises. Up +to the last moment she revelled in the enjoyment of all the powers and +privileges that one acquires over other human beings by engaging to +pay them a wage. + +As the time went by and Morgan saw no sign of the appearance of the +requisite cash, he ventured at last to broach the subject to her, and +she replied firmly and clearly: + +"At twelve o'clock the salaries shall be paid." + +But at the time specified, Cleo, who was sitting with him in her +private room, hid her face in her hands and began to sob hysterically. +Then he was able to elicit the truth. She had passed the last +afternoon interviewing moneylenders, but they had all laughed in her +face--which had simply called forth her contempt for them. As a matter +of fact, she had been expecting a miracle to happen! + +A conviction had come to her that, when the moment for making payment +arrived, she would have the necessary money. How or whence it was to +come she had not considered; her belief was simply a blind one. +Though she had not found it waiting for her on her arrival at the +theatre, her faith that the powers that worked the universe could not +possibly allow her to undergo the great humiliation of being a +defaulter towards those she had employed, was still unshaken. In her +the sense of the Ego was so great that, if rightly interpreted, her +feeling about the world would have been found to be that it was +created specially for her and carefully shaped and subordinated to +suit the needs of her existence. She could not understand her being so +utterly beaten as she really was. Her half-crazy, superstitious notion +could only have been combatted by its non-realisation. At her +hesitating confession that she had been expecting the money to come +somehow, Morgan had at once grasped the whole working of her mind, for +he understood now what manner of woman it was that he had made his +wife. + +He knew that the company and employes were assembled, expecting to be +called momentarily. + +"Cleo," he said, "I have had the offer of enough money to pay all that +is owing. You must decide whether I am to avail myself of it. If you +say 'yes,' it shall be here within an hour." + +But she scarcely heeded, for in that moment she rose as if following +up some train of thought, and pulled out every drawer of the bureau, +looking carefully into each as though in search of something. When at +last the perception was forced on her that the miracle had still not +happened, she sat down again with a sigh. + +He repeated his statement and she wanted to know from whom the offer +came. + +"A friend," he answered. + +"It is some woman who loves you," she flashed at him. + +He could not repress a start. + +"It is! It is!" she exclaimed excitedly, her eyes ablaze. "Do not +attempt to deny it; I can read it in your face. Ah, I understand now; +it is the same friend who helped you before. And you led me to believe +it was a man." + +"I made no mention of the sex." + +"But you knew I was deceived all the same. How dared you conceal from +me that you had had the money from a woman you had loved? Did I not +return Mr. Ingram all he had given me, because I felt it would be a +desecration to use a penny of it? And I thought you were fine, Morgan, +I thought you were fine." + +Scorn rang in her tones, but he did not answer, because he wished to +avoid a scene. It were better, he thought, to let the storm exhaust +itself. The unassuming introduction of the "woman you had loved," in +place of the reverse, did not, however, escape him. + +"Had I suspected the truth," she went on, admirably dramatic now that +she was not on the stage, "I should rather have taken some deadly +poison than have touched this filthy money of hers. Did you take me +for some vile creature? I shall pay back every farthing. Oh, to throw +it all in her face! No, no! this is my affair. How dare you suggest +that I, your wife, should accept more of her money! As if I could fall +so low! These debts are mine. You are not to interfere." + +He could only bow to her will. In the first moment of disillusion he +had not been without a certain apprehension that she might wish to +take advantage of the fact that he belonged to a wealthy family. But +he saw now the thought had done her an injustice. Creature of rich, +luscious sentiment, of gorgeous emotions, she scorned to be untrue to +the equatorial magnificence of her nature. Nor had she yet finished +expressing her resentment. All the untamable tiger in her had been +roused, all the fiery, indomitable pride that was as essentially a +part of her as her fixed conception of her genius. She was not to be +browbeaten by adverse fortune into whining and accepting charity from +her husband's mistresses--she had slipped into using the plural now. +She turned at bay against the whole situation. Let these people go +unpaid for the present--she would pay them when she could. She wanted +to go out at once and make a speech to them, but Morgan, fearful of +some great uproar, managed to prevail on her to let him make the +announcement that money engagements could not be kept. + +Very much to his astonishment, everybody took the news quietly enough. +"Is there no chance of getting anything?" he was asked, and sad indeed +were all faces when he assured them every penny had been lost, and +that, though his wife had been confident of raising some more +money--he mentioned this possibly with the idea of softening the +bitterness against Cleo--her hope had been quite disappointed. Morgan +himself almost trembled with emotion, for he knew how eagerly some of +them had sought the engagement. Three weeks of rehearsal and a week of +acting under most trying and disheartening circumstances, and then to +receive nothing! And all that time they had submitted to be bullied +and blustered at. If the whole affair had not been so piteous it +would have seemed grotesque. + +The stage manager, arriving just then, was less tractable, and Morgan +feared his vehemence would excite the others. + +"And she had the----impudence to chuck me out of her----theatre," he +screamed; "and now I can't get a----penny out of her!" + +He announced his intention of breaking her head forthwith, and +threatened "to do for" Morgan, who barred his way. + +Cleo left the theatre a little later, followed by abuse from the stage +manager, who was forcibly held back by some of the company. She looked +longingly at the trunk in the hall, but had apparently resigned +herself to the loss of her costumes, for she passed by in silence. + +In the afternoon, Morgan was astonished at being served at their rooms +with a writ, which concerned both him and Cleo, and which had been +taken out on behalf of one of the creditors. Though Cleo had run the +theatre on her own responsibility only, it had been thought possible +that he might possess resources, with the result that he had been made +co-defendant. + +Cleo seized the paper and calmly tore it up. + +Then followed a long consultation, Cleo manifesting some signs of +depression at the sum total of the results of her efforts, beside +which her unshaken belief in the future contrasted curiously. +Everything had been against her. She had had a bad company and a +stupid first-night audience, and had from the first been crippled by +want of money. She recapitulated all her disadvantages, dwelling on +each and making the most of it. But this was only by way of beginning +a long wail of lament. The undisguised coldness of his demeanour +towards her ever since the night of her debut had wounded her deeply, +though she had been too proud to say anything. Her indictment against +him was bitter and severe. The discontinuance of his slavish +admiration for her and of his blind belief in her genius was in her +eyes an unpardonable sin. As soon as the public had turned against +her, she averred, he sheep-like, had followed their example. And he +was the one human being in the whole world whom she had trusted and +believed in, the one she would have looked to for sympathy and +comfort. She had shown her trust in him by marrying him--a privilege +she would not lightly have accorded to another--and he should have +stood by her in her misfortunes. Why, so-and-so had told her her +acting had never been surpassed on the English stage; and he had seen +every piece played in London during the last thirty years. She +repeated the flattery and fawning that had been bestowed upon her by +the men who had been fluttering around her, accepting all as the +natural outpour of their sincerity; she quoted with unction the lying +notices she had shown him the day before. + +Morgan knew better than to expect her to have one thought of sympathy +for him, to utter one word of sorrow for the plight into which her +stage-madness had brought him. She seemed to think that his dominating +sentiment should be, throughout all and despite all, one of gratitude +to her for having married him. In proof of which she now mentioned +that she had won the admiration of millionaires, of foreign counts by +the score, of Indian princes and Eastern potentates, all of whom had +written her letters of sympathy at her shameful treatment by the +public, had declared their love for her, and had offered to place +their whole fortunes at her disposal. She had indignantly destroyed +these letters without showing them to him, and would not have thought +of claiming any credit for this had he not forced her to do so by his +brutality towards her. The Indian prince, in particular, had proved +persistent, and even now it was open to her to become mistress of a +gorgeous palace and a regiment of servants. + +By way of contrasting the fineness of her own conduct with the +coarseness of his, she did her best to exasperate him about Helen, +applying terrible epithets to her and vowing, in a burst of tiger-like +tragedy, she would destroy the beauty of this woman he had loved with +vitriol, should their paths ever cross. In addition to Helen, there +were general allusions to his mistresses, for Cleo, having begun by +converting singular into plural, now retained both singular and +plural. Lastly, quieting down somewhat amid a flood of tears, she +claimed that Ingram would not have acted in so dastardly a +fashion--he, at least, had always valued her at her true worth. It was +his misfortune, not his fault, that his money affairs had not turned +out well and that he had been unable to build for her the promised +theatre. It was his very sense of the dignity of her genius that made +him object to giving her a less impressive debut. Ingram, too, had had +no thought but for her, and he had been undoubtedly heartbroken at her +leaving him. + +And when, in the end, he prevailed upon her to say what she purposed +doing, she informed him that to mark her sense of the degradation that +would be involved in the acceptance of the aid offered by her rival, +she had preferred to borrow five pounds of her maid, who was at least +an old and faithful servant--she had taken her with her from +Hampstead--and who stood by her loyally. Out of these five pounds she +intended to pay the landlady's bill for the week, and the balance +would bring them within the shelter of her parents' home. + +Whatever feeling of humiliation Morgan might have had at the +confession of this loan was all but lost in his surprise at her sudden +mention of parents. He had never thought of her at all in relation to +parents or in relation to other human beings whose blood flowed in her +veins. She had pre-eminently struck him as a figure to be taken as +"detached"; his feeling about her, though he had never precisely +formulated it, was that she had not come into existence as other +people, but that, in her case, there had been a special act of +creation. Her parents had got impasted into the vagueness of that +background, out of which she had come floating into his life. + +The position, however, was a difficult one for him. He could scarcely +chide her for borrowing, grotesque as the borrowing was. The maid, he +learnt, was leaving her that same afternoon and was to be married +soon. What helped him to decide was the great curiosity that had come +upon him to make the acquaintance of the people who had given her to +the world. Something of his old attitude came back to him. The desire +to see what strange thing was to follow next stirred in him again. But +this time a greater bitterness was mixed with it, a better grip on the +wholeness of life, an active consciousness that, though he might now +derive a grim sort of enjoyment from watching the unfolding of +circumstance, the experience would be nevertheless real, would +represent so much of his personal life. No longer would it be a mere +desperate submission to idle drifting amid the scenes of a dreamland; +though the same temperament as before was at the back of his decision. +Of course, his general determination to face the full responsibility +of his relation to Cleo likewise counted for a good deal in his +assenting to accompany her on this visit she purposed to her parents. + +He questioned her about her family, and she told him that her father +was a printer at Dover; that her mother was simply her mother; that +she had a brother and two sisters, all unmarried, all living at home. +She was barely eighteen when she had left Dover, but she had ceased +communicating with her family as soon as she had made Ingram's +acquaintance. However, in anticipation of a great success, she had +written to them again a few weeks back, informing them of her marriage +and of the theatre of her own which she was to have immediately. Her +father, in reply, had written her a cordial letter, and had, in fact, +suggested she should bring her husband to see them if she should ever +find a suitable opportunity. They would therefore be likely to meet +with a warm welcome, and they could stay at Dover till her plans were +mature, which would be very shortly. What these plans were likely to +be he could not elicit, though he gathered some vague millionaire was +connected with them, and that they would enable her to clear off all +the debts almost immediately. But since, at the moment, they were +entirely without resources, it would be useless, she pointed out, for +them to take any notice of the writ that had been served. Creditors +would obviously be putting themselves to vain expense in suing them +now, and it was therefore best for them to go for a little while where +at least they would be free from being worried. + +During the evening Morgan managed to find an opportunity of writing to +Helen a brief account of the day, saying he would look for her answer +at the Dover post-office. + +And he and Cleo left London by an early train in the morning. + + +END OF BOOK III. + + + + +BOOK IV. + + +CHAPTER I. + + +The son and daughters of the Kettering family were out taking the air, +as the Sunday morning was a fine one, and Morgan sat talking with his +father-in-law in a front room, that was depressing with horse-hair +upholstery and wax fruit under glass shades and a series of prints +representing certain emotional moments in the life of a young +blue-jacket. Cleo was in some distant region of the house with her +mother, who had beamed on Morgan with a most unaccountable +friendliness. + +Mr. Simon Kettering himself was a mild-featured little man, whose +Sunday broad-cloth was but a thin disguise of the fact that all the +week he worked amid his journeymen in apron and shirt-sleeves. He wore +spectacles with light steel frames that seemed to cut deep into his +flesh; his hair was fast greying and his face was much lined, which, +however, interfered little with the benevolence of his expression. His +hands were large and coarse-grained and of a tint that no longer +yields to ablutions. + +On their arrival, about a quarter of an hour previously, Cleo had left +Morgan in the hall and had gone up to see her parents, returning for +him some five minutes later and introducing him to them in the room in +which he now sat. As he was not present at the actual meeting of Cleo +and the old people, he now asked Mr. Kettering if the sudden +appearance of his daughter after all these years hadn't startled him. + +"Me!" exclaimed his father-in-law. "Why, not a bit! When she was only +that big, I soon found out it wasn't any use taking notice of her +goings and comings. The missus has been worrying about her a good +deal. But I always said to her: 'Selina's a girl who can take care of +herself, and sure enough she'll turn up all right one of these fine +days.' It was very wrong of her, though, not to let us have a line +from her for nigh on six years. But I fancy she was always a bit +ashamed of us. Her notions were always so grand, and plain, +hard-working people weren't good enough for her. I'm very sorry indeed +that things have turned out so disastrously. My Selina, to tell the +truth, is a queer creature, sir, and, if I may take the liberty of +saying so, I think you were a fool to marry her." + +Cleo, at her first interview with her parents, had made a clean breast +of the fact that her theatre had been a failure and that they had lost +all their money, though she did not omit to mention she was conducting +negotiations which would soon put them on their feet again. Morgan +smiled at Mr. Kettering's bluntness, and he somehow divined that there +was a shrewd pair of eyes behind those spectacles that took in far +more than they appeared to do. + +"I'm hanged if _I'd_ ever have married her," pursued the +master-printer, "and that's telling you the plain truth, sir. You see +what she has done for you already. Why did you give her all that +money? You should have let her go on acting and drawing a regular +salary, instead of risking all that capital in that monstrously +foolish way. You'll excuse my freedom, I know, sir." + +From which Morgan deduced that Cleo's version of the whole affair had +not been entirely coloured by truth. From the way Mr. Kettering +dropped his voice and looked reverential as he mentioned "all that +money," it was quite clear Cleo's imagination had magnified the loss +to accord with her sense of the fitness of things. A great loss of +money was the next glorious thing to a great success. + +Mr. Kettering proceeded to lay it down as a general maxim that there +was nothing in life like drawing a regular salary. Ever since he had +been a master-printer on his own account, he had been regretting the +fact. A workman knew exactly how much he had to spend and how to spend +it. But in these days when competition was so severe and trade so +uncertain, the master had much to be thankful for if he could pay his +way at all. Not that he himself was not perfectly able to earn a +living at all times, he added in some haste, as if to reassure his +son-in-law; and certainly his daughter and her husband were quite +welcome to be his guests as long as they chose to stay under his roof. + +Morgan felt drawn towards the old man, though he perceived that Simon +Kettering's soul could not take wing out of the atmosphere of his +workshop, and that whosoever wished to commune with him must descend +into it. But it was from this very atmosphere that Cleo had +emerged--Cleo, with her vitriolic notions and her pretentious scents! +This, then, was that mystic past against which her figure had stood +out! + +Cleo and her mother returned a few minutes later, interrupting Mr. +Kettering's account of the many vexations that preyed on him--his +troubles with his men, the heavy expense of constantly renewing the +composition on his machine rollers, the idleness and wantonness of +the apprentice, the perpetual ordering of "sorts" from the +type-founder, the inconsiderateness of customers who kept his type +locked up, and the carelessness of everybody but himself in the +handling of his material. + +"We've been getting along capitally, Mr. Druce and I," he broke off to +explain to the two women. "It's well on towards dinner-time, and the +children ought to be coming in soon." + +Cleo seemed relieved to find that Morgan hadn't been bored. Her +mother, in whose strange, deep-cut features was suggested something of +the spirit of Cleo's face, was a brisk-looking, homely matron of +fifty. + +"So Cleo is really married!" she repeated for the tenth time, her face +aglow with satisfaction. And her eyes rested wonderingly on Morgan +till he almost fancied he could hear her mental exclamation: "A real +live husband!" + +Soon the other members of the family arrived, Mary and Alice and their +brother Mark, a young man of thirty, who looked hard-working and +reticent, and had large moustachios. They stopped almost on the +threshold as they perceived there were strangers in the parlour, then +they recognised their long-lost sister; but, embarrassed by the +presence of the strange gentleman, as well as by the startling fact of +her presence, they stood hesitant and rather shame-faced. Cleo smiled +at them encouragingly, whereupon her sisters came tripping over and +smothered her with kisses. Their expressions of love were so loud and +so flowery that Morgan began to recognise the family blood. When, a +moment later, he was introduced to them as Cleo's husband, their faces +became of a fiery red, as though there were something discreditable +in the fact of matrimony, and they exhibited a stiff shyness that was +almost stupid. The introduction completed, they stood looking at him, +giggling and giggling. But Mark now came forward with outstretched +hand, saying quietly: "I am glad to know you, sir." + +"Let us go in to dinner, children," said Mr. Kettering. + +They dined in the back room on the same floor, for the ground floor +and the basement were devoted to the trade. It was a long, narrow +room, lighted by one window at the end, and almost filled by the +table. Morgan found himself between Alice and Mark, whilst Mary sat +opposite him. Both the girls were young, Mary about twenty, whilst +Alice did not seem more than seventeen. In appearance they struck him +as inferior imitations of their sister. They were much shorter and far +less well-proportioned than Cleo, their red hair was coarser than +hers, and their features were duller. Their voices, too, were +reminiscent of hers. Altogether, though it was abundantly evident that +they were Cleo's sisters, they were perfectly unarrestive. Nature had +made a success of Cleo, but had egregiously failed to repeat the +performance. + +The one servant of the house waited at table, prim, sedate, formal. A +corresponding air of restraint seemed to prevail during the whole +meal. It was not till afterwards that he realised that they were +somewhat in awe of him as being obviously a "fine gentleman," and that +they were feeling they had to live up to him. Cleo showed no +inclination to speak, and the other women would not venture to begin. +Mr. Kettering, on whom lay the onus of entertaining, at length strove +to face his responsibilities, and, addressing himself to Morgan, +discussed the comparative fineness of the weather at London and Dover. +Morgan, in return, asked questions about the town and the harbour and +the boats, managing to keep up some sort of a conversation with him. +Eventually the situation began to depress him, so terribly stiff were +they all in their attempt to be genteel. Besides, his appetite was of +the poorest, though he was somewhat astonished to find the fare so +plentiful. Mrs. Kettering kept pressing him to eat more and more, and +apparently found it hard to understand that his refusals were final. +"Are you sure?" she asked him each time; and once she plucked up +courage to assure him he must not stand on ceremony with them, and +that he need not hesitate to eat his fill. Morgan thought it +extraordinary she should so persistently refuse to believe in the +sincerity of his small consumption of food, but, attributing her +solicitude to sheer good-nature, he was sorry to cause her such +evident dissatisfaction. + +He was glad when the meal was over, for he was beginning to feel +stifled. The family did not disperse, coffee now being served, of so +curious a flavour that Morgan could not get further than the first +sip. + +"Don't you like coffee, sir?" asked Mrs. Kettering. + +He began to feel a little bit persecuted. He did not hesitate to reply +in the negative, since the question was put from Mrs. Kettering's +point of view and the answer had only to apply to her conception of +the beverage. + +At length Cleo said she was going to take him for a stroll, and he +willingly fell in with the idea. But they did not go far, taking +possession of a seat as soon as they arrived on the sea-front. They +seemed to have nothing to say to each other. Cleo appeared lost in +thought, and he, after gazing idly at the few promenaders and the +children playing on the shingle and at the white cliffs of France +gleaming across the straits, relapsed into a half reverie. He had +somewhat of a sense of physical relief at being able to breathe here +at his ease; of temporary respite and security from being hunted by +creditors. But he was intensely miserable all the same, the one +immediate gleam of light being the hope of a letter from Helen. + +As yet the Kettering family was a new experience to him, and though +the stiff gentility and aggressive hospitality so far exhibited had +made him somewhat uncomfortable, his judgment of these people was +favourable enough. Still, he was possessed of the idea that he was not +going to stay in that house more than a few days. Not that he had the +least conception of what else he was going to do, but events had been +following each other in such quick succession that he could not +believe in a cessation of them. The last two days, in particular, had +seemed very crowded. Yesterday all those dramatic events in the +theatre--though not on its stage; to-day their departure from London +and their incursion into the reality of that poetic nebulousness from +which Cleo had originally emerged. + +He was glad that Kettering had not addressed to him any personal +questions, for he wished to tell neither truth nor falsehood about +himself. The anticipation of the topic arising was not an agreeable +one, and it was likewise unpleasant to dwell upon the possibility of +embarrassment arising from Cleo's habit of embellishment. He wondered +what her schemes were, though he could not take them seriously. And +this train of thought ultimately brought back to him the fear that +perhaps after all pressure might be brought to bear on him to make him +avail himself of his father's purse. The thought of his father gave +him now--as it had given him throughout all this time of trial--an +uncontrollable emotion, but he would not let his mind speculate about +the grief and attitude of his family, forcibly interposing a veil +between himself and them. Tired out at length, he let his reverie +merge into mere uncritical perception. He was conscious of afternoon +sunshine, of a great stretch of sky, with a continent of white cloud +containing big blue lakes; his eye took in the expanse of sea, +glistening, streaked, patched, lined, and shaded, with the pier in his +centre of vision, a mass of kiosks, pole-lamps, and conventional +iron-work. And in the foreground parasols dotted here and there made +spots of black, brown, green, and red against the yellowish shingle. + +Commonplace as the scene was, he found it restful to dwell upon in a +lazy fashion. He forgot for a while that Cleo was by his side, and +when he awoke again to the consciousness of her presence he found she +had been engaged in reading again the two favourable notices of her +performance, which she had carefully carried about with her. + +Soon Alice and Mary appeared, and all four went home together. Tea was +laid in the same room, the table being set out as for a heavy meal. + +"Did you enjoy your walk, sir?" asked Mr. Kettering, while the trim +servant, waiting at table with the same solemn gravity as before, put +before him a huge cup of very strong tea, of which no milk or sugar +could alleviate the astringency. He now found he was expected to eat +large quantities of boiled fish, plum-cake and sweets; and Mrs. +Kettering, perceiving that he didn't do justice to the fare, +enumerated to him other things that were in the larder, with the +suggestion that he might perhaps prefer a choice of them. Some of the +stiffness that had characterised the former meal had vanished--Morgan +could see now that had been due to shyness at his presence--and, +though Mark still showed little willingness to converse, the girls +were evidently beginning to find themselves again, occasional +gigglings heralding their return to normality. But the concentration +of the united attention of the family for Morgan's benefit was +somewhat disconcerting. The girls vied with each other in pressing +plum-cake upon him, and seemed to view his refusal as a personal +rebuff. He did not understand just then that each considered a bit of +her own niceness went into the cake when held towards him with her own +hand, and that it was this niceness he was rejecting. As for the cake, +they took it for granted that there could be no difficulty about +disposing of that. Before the end, Morgan got the sensation of having +the food rammed down his throat with a pole. + +They tried to flirt with him, too, but here again he unconsciously +annoyed them by his unresponsiveness. In fact, being entirely +unacquainted with the game as they were in the habit of playing it, he +set down the strange attempts of Cleo's sisters to provoke him to +banter as rather silly. He did not know that they had thrown off their +first unquestioning acceptance of his impressiveness and were now +subjecting him to sharp criticism. They had their own notion--and a +very definite one it was--of what a perfect gentleman should be, and +they were not disposed lightly to accept a substitute. What, however, +struck him particularly was their unbounded affection for their father +and mother, for Cleo and Mark, and last, though not least, for each +other. + +During the evening Mary grew so bold as to offer to show him the +harbour by night, and he welcomed the suggestion as likely to afford +him a little quiet distraction. He had sat amid the family for several +hours, and it had not occurred to anybody he might like to be just +alone. The day had seemed interminable, and as they had been behaving +more freely among themselves, once the restraint had worn off, he had +begun to get a somewhat revised perception of them. Their peculiar +atmosphere was beginning to enter into his being, and his vision of +them, therefore, to lose its first impersonality. + +Though the sky was clear, there was no moon that evening, which +elicited the remark from Mary that it was a pity. Morgan presumed that +moonlight made the harbour look much more poetic, whereupon Mary +admitted that she wasn't thinking of the harbour, but of the fact that +it made walking with a girl much more poetic. She wanted him to say +that walking with her was so heavenly, absence of moonlight +notwithstanding, that he couldn't possibly imagine any improvement. +But he didn't say it. He only just gave the faintest indication of a +laugh. + +When he happened to admire the far-stretching, soft shadow of the sea, +with its gentle, irregular line of white where it met the shore, she +asked him if he wouldn't like to be rowing just then with a girl on a +lovely lake. She wanted him to say--yes, if the girl were she. But he +did not say it, and he had no idea that she was getting angry. + +They walked on a little in silence, passing a girl talking to a man +under the full light of a lamp. Mary remarked that the girl was +exquisitely pretty. She wanted him to say that she herself was a +thousandfold prettier. But he did not say it; and she led him off the +front rather sulkily, taking him over a drawbridge and on to the quay +that bisected the harbour. They strolled about amid the piles of +timber and along more quays and drawbridges, now and again +encountering other promenaders in the soft darkness. For awhile Morgan +found the stillness delicious, almost forgetting the existence of his +companion. But very soon she recommenced her tactics, making +statements that credited him--by implication--with flirtations galore, +and hinting at vast experience on her own part and lovers by the +score. Certainly she laid pitfalls by the score, but she was so +invariably unsuccessful that she could not help at last giving +expression to her vexation. + +"You're the first man I've ever known," she said frankly, "who didn't +think me beautiful." + +He recognised he had got a whiff of his Cleo there, but, just as he +was about to deliver the polite reply to which she had forced him, +they happened to turn round the side of a great wood-stack and, at the +same moment, an impressive chorus of voices floated softly across the +night. They were now on a quay that ran across the harbour, parallel +with the cliffs that rose at the back of it. To right and left were +the massed silhouettes of shipping and small craft, of odd +superannuated sailing vessels and huge-funnelled steamers, and in the +intervening waters were moored half a dozen Russian gun-boats. On the +largest of these a sailors' service was being held. They could hear +the priest's sweet voice raised in exhortation, and then again rose +the sailors' chant. + +Morgan listened enraptured. The velvety surface of the water, +traversed here and there by glistering bars, the subdued stars above, +the profound silence of the night, the strange whiteness of the cliff +beyond, rising in marked contrast to the dark line of dwellings at its +foot, save where the patches of green on its face showed as grey +stains in the darkness, the looming hulls and intertangled masts and +rigging, the mystic scattered lights of the harbour--the enchantment +of all entered into his spirit, attuned to this beautiful singing of +the vespers. + +And then, of a sudden, a bugle-call rang out, clear and far-reaching, +from the great barracks of the Western heights; instinct in its rhythm +with discipline, valour, and martial fire; thrilling into the spaces +of the night in strange contrast to the spirit of peace that breathed +in the sweet concord of the sailors' chanting of evening hymns. + +"What a funny lingo!" said Alice, as the chaplain's voice was again +heard in prayer. Her laugh rang out, loud and scornful, insulting the +solemnity and beauty of the scene. Morgan instinctively began to move +on, pained to think that these sojourners in English waters might deem +they were being scoffed at. + +"It wasn't at them I was laughing," she explained, as if aware she had +offended him. "Something came into my mind that happened just at that +spot. It's so funny that I can't help laughing every time I think of +it. If you're very, very good, perhaps I may tell you." + +She looked up at him, wagging her head about to indicate her last +sentence had been intended playfully. Morgan expressed a desire to +hear it, in a sort of indifferent murmur. + +"Well, there was a fellow I let dance with me three or four times, and +I went for a walk with him twice or so. Then he began to get a bit +cheeky, and so I thought I'd put him in his place. I wouldn't take any +notice of him for a long time, and when we passed him in the street I +pretended not to know him. At last one day he comes up to me and he +says: 'Mary, I can't stand it any longer. If you won't speak to me +again I'll go and drown myself.' And then he begged so hard that at +last I promised to go for a walk with him in the evening. Well, I kept +my promise, and we strolled along here. And just at that very spot we +stood still to look at the harbour. 'John,' said I, 'there's the +water; now drown yourself.'" + +Again she laughed immoderately at the recollection of this brilliant +_jeu d'esprit_ and her admirer's discomfiture. + +But the _jeu d'esprit_ kept echoing oddly through Morgan's brain. + +"There's the water. Now drown yourself!" + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Morgan found the Monday infinitely easier to get through. For the +members of the family were absorbed in the duties of life, so that he +was left much to himself. Alice and Mary kept the accounts and served +behind the counter in the stationery shop. In a workshop at the back +Simon Kettering, Mark, four journeymen and one apprentice stood "at +case," whilst in the basement two antiquated printing machines rumbled +on, worked by a small gas-engine. There was also a Columbian press for +pulling posters and a platen machine for small work. Mr. Kettering +devoted a few odd minutes to showing Morgan over the establishment. As +he observed, it was not a magnificent concern; but he had it all under +his eye and by hard work made it yield him a living. Still, times were +hard and--and Mr. Kettering, having once begun to enlarge on the +subject of his disadvantages, proceeded to pour forth all the +accumulated vexations of his spirit. + +Cleo remained in the parlour during the morning writing letters, but +she did not offer to enlighten Morgan as to their nature. He was +rather glad of this incommunicativeness of hers, for he felt in too +restless a mood to talk to her. Impatiently as he was awaiting Helen's +letter, he would not inquire at the post-office till the evening. He +could not bear the idea of coming away empty-handed. + +Meanwhile he amused himself rummaging leisurely amid the contents of +an old mahogany book-case. He found rather a medley of worn +school-books--old-fashioned geographies and histories and foreign +conversation grammars; of mouldy novels, many in French and Italian; +of illustrated lives of actresses, prime donne, and celebrated +courtezans. Most of the novels and non-scholastic books were of a +shoddy, sensational type. Here, then, he had evidently stumbled across +the source of Cleo's early mental nourishment; this was the literature +with which her nature had found affinity. In nearly every book he took +down he came across passages underlined, with occasionally a note in +the margin in her own handwriting. The rich manner and false, pompous +sublimity of these passages brought a smile to his lips, though making +his heart contract painfully. He called to mind the books he had seen +lying about on the occasion of his memorable visit to her in company +with Ingram, and he now had an intuition that the slumbering of her +fierce activity for so many years had been facilitated by a plentiful +provision of literature of the same kind. Her imagination had found +some compensating stimulation and satisfaction in the luscious scenes +amid which it had wandered. + +And suddenly he had a startled flash of memory anent a paper-covered +novel he was holding in his hands. The lithographed wrapper, with its +illuminated veiled figure and its seven mystic stars, he had seen +before; and he now recognised the book as an older copy of the very +one he had found her reading the first time he had ventured to call on +her by himself. It was the work of a lurid lady novelist, popular some +ten years before. He turned its pages with bitter interest. Passage +after passage was marked and underlined. And at length he lighted on +one that seemed to jump from the page and strike him in the face. It +was doubly underlined in red ink, as well as thickly marked down the +margin. + + + "_In me is reincarnated the spirit of the ancient East, and it + is my mission to interpret that spirit to the modern world._" + + +And lower down on the same page, indicated with the like emphasis: + + + "_By sitting in this temple each day and meditating herein I have + ministered to my sacred moods, and I have kept pure the essence + of the ages, which I am to revive for the modern world._" + + +Morgan remembered only too well by whom and on what occasion such +words had been addressed to him. He put back the volume and shut the +book-case. + +At the one o'clock dinner they all came together again. There was the +same profuse solidity of fare as on the previous day, and the same +insistence that Morgan must do justice to it. The girls seemed in high +spirits, mysterious signs and words passing between them, accompanied +by much laughter, of which Morgan dimly suspected he was the cause. + +When the clerk at the post-office, looking through a little heap of +letters, picked out one and put it aside, Morgan could scarcely +restrain his emotion. He chafed at having to wait whilst the man +satisfied himself there were no others for him, and the quiet way he +took the letter revealed little of his almost overmastering impulse +to snatch at it as a wild beast might snatch at meat. Blessed writing +on the envelope! Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he stepped +again into the street! And when at last he began to read, all that he +had suppressed surged up and almost choked him. + + + "My very dear friend," said Helen, "I want to write to you such a + great deal because I know how welcome a long letter will be, and + yet I fear that I cannot make this one very long for the simple + reason that I am feeling serious. Moods are like dresses. Some of + them do not suit me at all. Seriousness not only spoils me, it + makes me absolutely idiotic. Most people I know, however, prefer + me like that because then I express my agreement with their + opinions so very readily. But to be serious. I don't quite + understand what you are going to do at Dover. Still, I am glad + you've gone, for I'm dying to know what her sisters are like. By + the way, I mean to make the acquaintance of the Medhursts. I have + an idea I shan't find that a very difficult task. Then perhaps my + letters may be more agreeable reading for you, for of course we + shall continue corresponding unless you are back in town before + long. Morgan, don't lose faith! I told you I was a prophet--or + should it be prophetess? When I looked you in the face last I + read therein that you were born to be happy. + + "In the meanwhile I don't want you to be uncomfortable. And I now + come to a point I hate to mention because I am afraid of you. You + fly at one so savagely. I don't think you ought to allow a + question of mere money to poison such sweet human relation as + ours. Won't you look at it in the right spirit? I implore you, + do. I want you to believe that I understand and sympathise with + your feelings, but recollect now I am writing to you as your best + friend, without any admixture of anything else, and it is as my + best friend I want you to respond to me. Forget that I am only a + woman. Let my purse be yours. Take only a trifle if you will, but + still take it. It will make me happy, for I want to feel sure + that you are bearing up. Meanwhile I am in dreadful suspense to + hear from you. + + "Yours affectionately, + "HELEN. + + "P. S. In the name of Heaven, write me quickly to tell me what + the sisters are like. I have bought a map of London in sections, + and I spend hours wandering with you in some of the strange + places. What funny shapes the Thames has in some of the sections, + and how nicely the pieces underneath it fit into it. Alas! the + days, the days that are no more! What a sob re-echoes from those + simple words!" + + +Blessed writing! In what an impasse were his life without it! + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Though in his reply to Helen he promised to accept her money in case +of need, he could not prevail on himself to begin just then. His +instinct was against that course as strongly as ever, and he was +precisely like a proud, obstinate child that continues in its fixed +attitude long after being convinced. He gave her an account of the +Kettering family in as gay a note as he could strike from his leaden +mood, for he wished to allay her anxiety about him. He had read in her +letter far more than the mere words; her heart beat through every +line. + +There were still five shillings in his pocket--enough to pay the +postage on sixty letters, he grimly reflected. So far he had had no +occasion to spend money for anything else, and no beggar had crossed +his path to tempt from him the little he had. He needed nothing beyond +his food, and of that the Ketterings' hospitality provided a +sufficiency, though by the third day the over-profusion of plain +dishes was no longer maintained. + +Cleo seemed to be getting mysterious letters from town, and she gave +him to understand she would be able to put her new scheme before him +very soon now, but in the meantime he must be patient. The memory of +her defeat had already almost gone from her mind, as did all things +which were disagreeable to it and which, therefore, it could not +assimilate; and, if she conversed with him at all, it was only on the +subject of her genius, her imagination making, if possible, still +more gorgeous flights than in the first days he had known her. + +But this bluster about her genius only made him smile bitterly now, +for he knew but too well that the foundations of any scheme of hers +could not be laid in the good, solid earth. He could not guess the +nature of the negotiations she had apparently begun, though he had a +suspicion she was offering her genius to moneylenders as a security +for some gigantic advance. The thought made him feel some impatience. +She could not expect him, interested as he might be in her evolutions, +to stay here indefinitely, eating the bread of hard-working Simon +Kettering, even if that were not becoming daily unpleasanter. He was +already thinking that, in his next letter to Helen, he must tell her +to send him a little money, so that, even if he did not leave the +town, he could either live elsewhere or arrange to pay Kettering for +his board and lodging, thus giving Cleo a fair time in which to reveal +her hand. He would be as patient as possible with her, so that she +should not have any real ground for the least reproach to him. + +By the fourth day a fuller comprehension of the family had come to +Morgan, and a growing unhappiness at living with it. His perception of +the Ketterings, at first of the same nature as a traveller's +perception of people among whom he is sojourning for the first time, +had ceased to be art. Their spirit had begun to act on his, and he now +not only saw them as a full reality, but he likewise felt them as a +full reality. His first impression of them had merged gradually into +his present one, though there had been well-marked stages on the +route. + +At the beginning, the Ketterings' interpretation of hospitality had +been indicated by the quantity of food provided; the incessant +pressing him to eat had been a special attention to him, and his +refusal had been taken first as mere ceremony--natural on the part of +a gentleman--and next as somewhat of a slight. And in proportion as he +became less of a novelty to them, so did they resume their normal mode +of life. By the time the fact of his being their guest had ceased to +occupy the centre of their consciousness breakfast had become reduced +to coffee--of the same curious flavour--and thick bread and butter, +tea to the same astringent beverage as before and thin bread and +butter, the two other repasts of the day being likewise administered +with a due regard for economy. Mrs. Kettering, too, no longer +enumerated the contents of the larder in the hope of tempting him with +some delicacy that was not on the table. The trim servant girl who had +waited so staidly and respectfully at table had now developed into a +perfect slattern who had the habit of answering her mistress back, +sometimes in a way that almost amounted to bullying, and who seemed to +have as much to say in the concerns of the family as any one of its +members. The kitchen, too, obtruded and occupied the foreground of +life. + +Morgan did not, on account of this change, which he knew did not +signify any falling off in hospitable feeling, and which, indeed, he +rather appreciated so far as the reduced fare was concerned, reverse +his judgment that he had fallen among kind-hearted folk. It had been a +strain on them to maintain an appearance of gentility, and their +recoil had been merely that of a stretched piece of elastic. He had +lost his importance as a special person, and was now only just one of +them. He understood that the family was exactly what it had to +be, that its temperament and mode of life were perfectly attuned; yet, +for him, there were a thousand unseizable roughnesses that depressed +his spirit. Though the Ketterings and he spoke the same mother-tongue, +words bore different values for him, and full communion was +impossible. + +But his estimation of them was more of the nature of passive mental +apprehension than of active criticism. He himself, however, had been +criticised and he knew it, for Alice and Mary had at length made him +feel that he did not satisfy their conception of a gentleman. The +simplicity of his manners did not convince them. They seemed to hold +by some complicated code of etiquette for ladies and gentlemen--Heaven +knew how they had become possessed of it--of which he fell sadly +short. He did not understand in the least their shibboleth of +flirtation, their particular methods of banter, the precise shade of +significance of their facial expressions and movements, the exact +values of their phrases and catch-words; all of which was knowledge +that, according to their notion, was the common stock-in-trade of +breeding. Their atmosphere of coquetry did not appeal to him; and, as +a rule, he remained supremely ignorant of the fact that they _were_ +coquetting with him. Thus it was they giggled and laughed and made fun +of him, having attained to a vast feeling of superiority over him, and +a not less vast pity for their poor, dear sister, who had married him! + +He could see that nature had made precisely the same failure with +their personalities as with their bodies. Each was a bundle of traits +that individually made "Cleo" echo through his brain, yet the total +effect lacked convincingness. In Cleo all such characteristics were +fused into her general magnificence; in Mary and Alice they seemed to +exist at random, failing to give any sense of harmony, but only one of +irritation. The airs and graces they assumed did but emphasise their +crudity. It was, indeed, an illumining perception when it struck +Morgan that their absurd movements and struttings and the queen-like +way in which they tried to hold their heads bore a singular +resemblance to the stage-gestures of "The Basha's Favourite." At the +same time they possessed a large fund of animal spirits. They talked a +good deal about dancing and sitting with young men in hidden corners, +or going a-rowing with them; though when or where they did any of +these things he could not quite make out. + +Then again, the ostentatious love for the rest of the family and for +each other they had exhibited the first day turned out to be a +dependent variable that often approached vanishing-point. If the girls +showed a certain uncouth good-humour in their calm moments, they +certainly had violent tempers which they made no effort to restrain. +If Alice, attempting to pass along the narrow dining-room, caught her +dress on Mary's chair: "If anybody else were to sit like that----" she +would commence angrily, and then a nice quarrel would ensue. Quarrels, +indeed, seemed to be evolved from incredible beginnings, and the +evenings bristled with them. Mrs. Kettering was easily drawn into +these disagreements and took a leading part in no few of them. Simon +and Mark, however, would remain impassive, the first reading his paper +and uttering now and again a facetious, mild protest, the second +smoking his eternal pipe in unyielding taciturnity. Mrs. Kettering +likewise annoyed her daughters by constantly talking to Morgan in +their presence of the difficulty of finding husbands for them. + +One morning Cleo, who was down early, pounced upon a letter for him +and wanted to read it. But as he recognised his father's writing--the +envelope had had much redirection in varying scripts--and as her +letters were always sealed to him, he refused to open it in her +presence. He was not in the mood for a squabble with her. The fact +that his father had managed to pierce his inaccessibility had unnerved +him, the mere sight of the letter almost making him tremble. He put it +in his pocket; it was imperative he should be alone when reading it. +Cleo grew sulky and looked it. Alice and Mary, being in a particularly +affectionate mood that morning, came hovering round her, entwining her +waist with their long arms, pressing their faces gently against hers, +and kissing her with ostentatious sympathy. "What has the naughty man +been doing to our darling?" they asked in a sort of playful, mincing +lisp. "Has he made our dear, dear sister miserable? Naughty, naughty +man!" + +That made a beginning. As a continuation Mrs. Kettering took it into +her head once more to lament the scarcity of possible husbands for +Alice and Mary over the breakfast table. They retorted that no doubt +there were plenty of husbands to be picked up without a penny, who'd +be glad to come and stay at the house and idle about and eat their +fill. Evidently they had overheard talk between their parents, for it +had been represented to them that Cleo and her husband were only in +Dover on a friendly visit to the family. + +Before the others had realised it Morgan had risen and left the house. +His every nerve was a-tingle with pain. He was finished with the +Ketterings, he told himself; it was impossible for him ever to set +foot in that house again. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +The sense that a final rupture had occurred between him and the +Ketterings was so strong in Morgan that for the moment he omitted to +consider the difficulties that might arise as regards Cleo. He saw now +that by becoming their guest under circumstances such as his he had +exposed himself to the possibility of insult from the first. But he +did not condemn them; he simply felt he could not live in contact with +them. + +He was too unstrung to read his father's letter yet, though, as he +thought of it again, the reflection occurred to him that old relations +were intruding into the new life that had begun with Cleo. First Helen +and then his father had overtaken him! + +He started to walk briskly through the town, which he soon cleared. +The movement helped to calm his excitement, though it did not diminish +his bitterness. All the morning he tramped through the country, +deriving some little comfort from the feeling that he was all alone. +He lunched on bread and cheese at a wayside inn, partaking of the +meal in an old room with rough tables and benches. Near him lay four +huge potatoes, newly broiled in their skins. Through the window he +looked out on to a yard where poultry strutted about amid straw, dung, +and rubbish, in the shadow of a hay-rick. Not till then had he the +heart to take the letter from his pocket. An examination of the +redirections proved interesting. It had been first sent to the address +where he had lived with Cleo, whence it had been redirected care of +Cleo's maid, who, in turn, had forwarded it to Dover. He understood +now how those first mysterious letters had come for Cleo so quickly, +though he did not quite see why she should have concealed from him +this arrangement with the maid. + +As he broke the envelope a labourer in corduroys came into the room, +and seemed taken aback at finding a gentleman there. He was the owner +of the broiled potatoes, but apologised for taking possession of them. +Morgan bade him sit down and have his meal, but the man, his face +shining with good-humour, insisted he must not disturb him, but would +go and stand at the bar. He took only two of the potatoes, his +good-nature impelling him to leave the other two for Morgan, with the +hearty, encouraging remark: "Pull into them, sir!" + + + "My Dear Son: + + "I am writing this only with the faintest hope of its ever + reaching you. If by any chance it does, I beg of you to inform me + of your whereabouts at once. Your letter came upon us like a + bombshell. I do not wish to reproach you for the hurt we have + suffered. I only want you to believe now in my desire to stand by + you, however terrible the mistake you have made. + + "Of course, we put the worst interpretation on your silence about + the person you had made your wife. I hurried up to town at once, + but you had gone from your old rooms and left not a trace. I + learnt, however, that you had a sister who used to come to see + you sometimes. I suppose that is your wife. Naturally I assumed + you had acted towards me as you had because you thought I should + reproach you for having spoilt your life. How little you seem to + know me, Morgan! _That_ is what I have to reproach you with. Why + was I so little in your confidence? Did you think me incapable of + sympathising with you because you are a young man and I an old? + How little you seem to know me, Morgan, I must repeat again. + + "I do not want to indulge in useless retrospect. I do not want to + exercise my imagination and yours in tracing out some more + desirable course of events that might have resulted from your + acting otherwise. But I cannot help giving expression to my deep + sorrow at the plight in which you now must be. I do not know how + the whole thing came about--what led to your acquaintance with + the lady who is now your wife; but I do wish that, instead of + writing me that curt letter, you had had sufficient belief in my + love and sympathy to come to me despite all. My pen is powerless + to express all that is in my heart. I can only just tell you that + this is the worst heart-ache I have had in my life. + + "If this reaches you, dear Morgan, don't be too proud to let me + hear from you at once. I am an old man now, remember, and this + suspense is killing. Especially as I have come so near to finding + you and have only just missed you by a day or two. On coming up + to town I at once called at Mr. Ingram's flat, and then I learnt + for the first time he had married a great society lady. The + commissionaire gave me his new address in Grosvenor Gardens, and + there I was fortunate enough to find him. He seemed astonished to + hear you had got married and disappeared. I asked him about your + quarrel with him, and then he told me what he knew--that you had + run through all the six thousand pounds, had been afraid to tell + me, and had behaved abominably rudely to him because he made to + you certain suggestions for your own benefit. He was sorry he + could not help me to find you. He seemed, indeed, quite + distressed about you and sympathised with me in my trouble. + + "My poor Morgan! How could a genius like you be bothered with + having to manage money? What is the use of a man like you having + a rich father if his riches are not for you to enjoy! If you had + only said a word! It was hopelessly foolish of me to imagine you + had suddenly developed the ability to husband your resources. But + you seemed so comfortable and cheerful when I last saw you that I + did not suspect anything. And then my attention was so + concentrated on my book that I scarcely had a thought for + anything else. + + "You must forgive me for having called a private detective to my + aid. What else could I do? The anxiety was terrible, and I hadn't + slept for nights. He was a long time about it, and he ought to + have done it sooner, for I gave him a very good photo of you to + work with. But he assumed you had gone further afield, and sought + to find you in the provinces. So your wife is an actress! The + detective assures me she stood naked on the stage before a whole + theatre full of people. That isn't true, I hope. + + "As I have already said, I was too late when I called at your + address, and the landlady said she couldn't forward letters, as + no new address had been left with her. But it struck me that + perhaps she had her reasons for making that statement, and so now + I write in the hope that my letter may be forwarded after all. If + it is, then write at once to your dear father, who, if you have + made a mistake, will help you to live it down. I implore you not + to keep away from me any longer. + + "Of course, I have seen the Medhursts several times. John and + Kate feel the blow quite as much as I do, though they have done + their best to console me. Margaret, too, poor girl, is very pale. + She shuts herself up in her studio and pretends to be working. + But I'm hanged if I can make out what she's at. There is just a + mass of blackfish wax, and, though I always find her shaping it + with her fingers, it always seems to look the same. The + composition of my book has progressed fairly well, but I am + looking forward to your helping me with it a tremendous lot." + + +Though he was twenty-eight, Morgan felt he still had in him a child's +fresh spring of emotion, and he had no more than a child's strength to +struggle against it. He hurried from the inn, suppressing his sobs for +a moment with one grand effort. + +He walked back to the town and found an expected letter from Helen +awaiting him at the post-office. He had asked for ten pounds, and she +had sent him a bank-note. She had written him only just a few lines to +accompany it, but promised to make amends as regards length next time. +She said he had made her happy by giving her so practical a proof of +his belief in her friendship, and added she was very glad indeed he +was thinking of lodging elsewhere, instead of staying with that horrid +and amusing family. She hoped he would make up his mind on the point +very soon; and the sooner he had a terrific quarrel with his Cleo the +better. As soon as she should hear of it she would execute a +war-dance, adequately complicated for the occasion. + +How good to him were those he had fled from! How endless was the +morass into which he had floundered! + +And yet the very touch of the bank-note stung him. It represented the +fact of his degradation; it summed up the hopelessness of his +position. The sympathy poured upon him, welcome though it was, but +emphasised his sense of the pitiable failure of his existence. He +still burned under the terrible insult of the morning; he smarted from +the friction of living amid the petty, squabbling vulgarity of the +Kettering household. He remembered, too, he must come to some +understanding with Cleo; he must give her an opportunity of joining +him wherever he should be staying. And, of course, he must also write +to thank Mr. and Mrs. Kettering for their hospitality. + +The afternoon passed by. He dined modestly at a sort of coffee-house +at the back of the harbour and arranged for a bed-room there. Later in +the evening he found himself forced to go out again, for it suffocated +him to stay within four walls. And even as he walked at random, the +blackest fit of his life came upon him. He thought of those first +years of enthusiastic striving, and those following years of +half-hearted striving; he thought of the long stretches of time +dissipated in mental lounging, in lethargic inaction he had been +unable to combat, so paralysing had been his sense of the futility of +effort. Looking back now, his whole inner life seemed to have been a +long, increasing bitterness. But he did not pity himself; his attitude +was one of cruel self-criticism. If only he had been an isolated soul +he would not have felt so keenly. But the course of his life had +reacted on others and embittered their existence. It seemed as if he +could not take a step without wounding those who loved him. He was not +fit to breathe the same air with them, he told himself. + +Of Margaret he scarce dared think, so great was his sense of his +unworthiness; but the light of her face, as it swam up before him, +thrilled him with the consciousness that his love for her was abiding, +that this affair on which he had embarked was a grotesque nightmare in +which his true being had not been concerned at all, though it had +become irredeemably involved in it. Once or twice it had given him +pleasure to imagine that it was in Helen's power to do more than just +sympathise with him, but then he had never forgotten that was only a +wistful fancy. It brought the tears to his eyes to think of her +attempt to cheer him with her prophecy of happiness for him. Happiness +for him! Dream as vain as his Cleo's lust for glory! + +It was past ten o'clock, and the sea-front was already deserted. He +strolled eastward, following the roadway to where the houses ended, +when it swept round the foot of the cliff, on whose top rose the +ancient castle, and eventually degenerated into an ascending foot-path +protected by a wooden rail. He stayed awhile at the bend, gazing into +the immense darkness, in which, here and there, glimmered a light from +a passing vessel, and listening to the swish of the water lapping the +foot of the sea-wall. A fisherman preparing his bait hailed him +"Good-night!" from the glooms of a small, primitive jetty. He returned +the salute civilly, but, as he was not in the mood for human +intercourse, he sang out and wished the man a good haul and then +moved on. Up, up the incline he went, the rugged cliff-front towering +above him, clothed with great grey patches. The path narrowed as it +wound its way up the side and at length ran into the cliff, through +which a long gallery had been hewn. But the solid blackness that faced +him at its mouth did not give him pause. He felt his way along, +stumbling up the rough incline, and turned down another gallery which +intersected this one at right angles, and which led to the face of the +cliff where its opening, high above the water, was barred by a tall +iron rail. Here he stood and looked out to sea. + +The nocturne was beautiful in its largeness and silence. The sublimity +of the great spaces emphasised his own existence just then as petty, +crabbed, and sordid. The discords within him were so harsh that he +could not respond to the sweet mystery of the night, or to the music +that called from sea and sky, from the shadows and the spaces. + +Again that bitter sense of his whole life became concentred in one +moment. And then, as the sound of the soft-flowing tide came up to him +again, it seemed to bring with it words that echoed strangely through +his being. And his being seized upon them and gripped them. The voice +of Mary Kettering seemed to be commanding him, as if her hostile +spirit were hovering near, and he could hear her vulgar laugh +disgracing the solitudes. + +"There's the water. Now drown yourself!" + +The consciousness of his personal unimportance to the world was +accentuated against the free vastness on which he gazed. The mission +that alone had had power to stir his blood, of being a voice to the +spell of which all men should yield, had been decreed against. His +hope of winning the right to live amid and breathe an atmosphere in +harmony with his being, an atmosphere in which his individuality, as +he conceived it, should ripen and expand and yield all the fragrance +that was in it, was utterly dead. + +He could not detach his dead hope from his life; its rotting carcass +weighed it down and poisoned it. The love, too, that Margaret had +inspired in him but remained as an exquisite bitterness. And as for +those who loved him, better they should bear the blow at once than +that he should torture them constantly. Let them mourn for him now; +let them, in the years that were to come, sometimes feel his presence +with them and think of him as one who had had good in him, but whose +life had proved piteously futile. For them much pain now and an +occasional pang in the future; for him, the sweetness of unending +rest, for was there not sweetness in death? + +He looked again out to sea, striving to pierce the darkness that +floated over the world like a spirit, and divining the far-off line +where the sky touched the water. + +One last, glorious swim to reach it! And out there, in the +infinitudes, amid the silence and the loneness, with all the still +music of the universe lulling him to sleep, should his being gently +merge into the all-pervasive essence; there, in the large freedom of +the airs, under the full spread of Heaven's stars, and in the soft +embrace of the velvet waters, should he feel his blood beat to an end; +there, in the heart of those mysterious spaces, were fitting place for +a poet to die! + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +He turned to go back and descend to the shore below, but just then he +heard a strange whispering that reechoed through the passages. A flash +of light seemed to fly down the long gallery, driving the darkness +before it, and then a young man and a girl passed by, the former +holding a lighted match. He waited a moment, half-startled, +half-annoyed at their intrusion, then groped his way after them, +eventually stumbling out of the tunnel's mouth. And, as he descended +the incline again, he became aware of other couples standing about in +the shadows, within alcoves of the cliff, or seated on the grassy +slope just outside the wooden hand-rail. In his first abstraction he +had overlooked these. + +He could not begin his swim here with the consciousness of all these +human beings so near at hand. He wanted the complete sense of +isolation from his fellow-creatures, the feeling that he and the +infinite were alone face to face. An idea came to him. On the other +side of the town stretched some miles of shingle at the foot of the +cliffs. Here he would seek the aloneness he felt to be imperative. + +He started to walk briskly the length of the town, and his way took +him through the harbour again. Here again he caught glimpses of +isolated couples, leaning against the stacks of wood or half-lost in +the shade of some black hull rising high alongside the footways. + +His perception of externals seemed to have grown keener; his glance +seemed to pierce where the shadows were thickest. + +And all these couples gave him just then a sense of the vast, futile +movement of life on the planet, of the infinite succession of human +generations, each appearing and blossoming and mating and dying. He +seemed in that moment to feel a hideous meaninglessness in this tidal +wave of life travelling through the ages. + +He crossed the railway line and passed on to the broad shingle that +sloped to the water's edge. The air was almost still, the water was +smooth and gentle. He set his face westward and trudged along, seeking +the place where his foot should stand on the solid shore for the last +time. He calculated to go about a mile, so as to be free from any +sense of the proximity of the town; but he was somewhat dismayed to +pass another couple after he had gone about a hundred yards. +Couples--couples everywhere! Should he never escape from them? How +crude seemed all this love-making when one caught a glimpse of it from +the outside as a large, collective fact! + +That, however, proved to be the last encounter, but as he tramped on +over the grey shingle, amid which shone the white sprinkling of chalky +pebbles, a sudden screech pierced the night and a train came rushing +along the track that ran alongside the beach, its engine vomiting a +lurid smoke that showed ghastly in the dark and that disappeared +within the tunnel under the cliff like a giant flame snuffed out. And +soon he had ceased to hear its roaring. + +The incident seemed to him symbolic. His flame, too, was to be snuffed +out; but he had the thought, with a grim smile, that he wasn't going +to make so much noise about it. + +Now and again he floundered into a puddle or rivulet that flowed +seaward across the expanse of shelving shore, but he felt his sense of +aloneness amid nature increase at each step gained. The pieces of +chalk, scattered on all hands, grew larger and larger, evidently +fallen from above and rounded by the wash of the waves. The patched +whiteness of the cliffs rose high on his right; a tiny, solitary light +shone far out at sea. Clouds were beginning to gather, and some of the +stars were hidden. The night grew darker; the stillness disturbed by +his footsteps alone and the low melody of the gently-breaking waters. +The sea itself stretched before him, a vast, soft shadow, but the eye +had to look at it determinedly to separate it from the sky. And now +"Shakespeare's Cliff" towered up, its side gashed and scarred as by a +giant's axe. The fallen masses lay heaped at its foot, grotesque yet +solemn. Then there were larger masses, piles of enormous boulders on +his right, as if a whole cliff had crashed to fragments; and a great +expanse of them, mossy and weed-covered, stretching on his left to the +water's edge. He was aware of them, too, ahead of him, extending in +the gloom indefinitely. And soon he had to pick out a tortuous way +between the mighty heaps on one hand and the far-spread belt of rock +on the other. + +On and on he passed, and stayed at length by a chalk rock, tall as +himself, wrought by the tides into the semblance of a head, a +veritable giant's head, with masses of long, intertangled weeds on its +top and sides, like the strange, wild unkempt locks of a sea-god; its +front showing blurred features like a carven face eaten away by the +slow gnaw of a thousand centuries. + +"If you had but a tongue, what secrets of the deep you could tell!" he +could not help saying aloud. + +And then, as he stood listening, his wish seemed to be answered. The +face before him seemed to glow with a light as of life in the mystic +gloom that wrapped it. And it spoke to him through the silence with a +voice that was as a golden bell sounding from the heart of the +universe. It spoke a language that his being comprehended; it sang to +him a song of peace and sweetness and wonders. And he knew that the +melody that beat through it was but a murmur of the great essence +calling to him; the essence that was fragrance, that was light, that +was music; the essence that sometimes showed through the grossness of +things and that he himself had striven to capture as it flashed here +and there for those in whom burned an intenser spark of itself than +was allotted to the generality of men--for the bard, the painter, the +seer--towards whom it leapt as flame leaps to flame, yet who saw it +but as the seekers of visions see an elusive gleam flash and half die +within the blur of a magic crystal. + +Here, then, was the spot! + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +He proceeded to disrobe himself, for he wished to feel the embrace of +the waters on his bare flesh. But he was not so absorbed in his self +and his purpose as to extrude all thoughts of those who were dear to +him. Nay, such thoughts, perhaps, were part of his very self. Eyes +that till now were dry became blinded with tears, so that the shaded, +floating night-world seemed to palpitate before him in a strange blur +that was like a despairing mood externalised. It were best so, he +reassured himself again; better that he should now plunge into the +sweet mystery, of which the little he knew was by a dim, exquisite +divination, better that he should live only as a sad memory than as an +evil-causing reality. + +Then, too, it occurred to him, it was right that his clothes should be +left on shore. He would put them out of the reach of the tide, and the +weight of a boulder should defy the wind. The letters of his father +and Helen would serve to identify the owner of the clothes; he would +not destroy them, since there was nothing in them save what the +writers might be proud of having written. They would then know the +worst at once, instead of having to endure the long-drawn, vain hope +that is worse than despair. Even if his body were not washed ashore +there could be no mistaking his fate. + +He picked his way to the water's edge and strode in unhesitatingly. +The tide was just on the turn, and the touch of the light-swelling +waves was at first cold and gentle. But soon he was breasting them +with steady stroke, moving out to some indefinite point where should +be the full mystery of the night and the spaces, and whence the shore +should be swallowed up in the darkness. His sense of the world passed +into a large vagueness; the blood pulsed through his veins +exquisitely; the kiss of the water was warm and sweet. Steadily, +steadily his hands cleft it, the activity of his brain dwindling and +dwindling and lapsing at length into a mere self-abandonment to the +sensuousness of the motion. He was scarcely conscious of controlling +his muscles; his arms seemed to work of themselves in rhythmical +sweep. Onward, onward! with only a fused feeling of warmth and +exhilaration and a drowsy sense of vague far-spreadingness. + +The consciousness of time had passed away, and that of space was a +mere intensity of feeling. Once or twice he was dreamily aware of a +strange halo of light haunting his universe. + +But at last the vibrating hoot of some great passing steamship drove +suddenly across the waters, a keen note that thrilled through him +startlingly, dispelling the delicious languor that possessed him. He +had a sense as of awakening from slumber, and then he knew that the +vague halo was a long beam, flying round at some distance from him, +that came from the light-house at the end of the great stone pier. His +mind leapt again to full activity, shaking off the medley of sensation +that had been flowing against his passive consciousness with such dull +uniformity. + +His blood glowed with the full glory of the sea; he was conscious of +a clear sanity, for the brooding mists had vanished from his spirit. +And even as he heard and felt the throb of mighty engines that came to +him from afar, and considered what mastery over the deeps they +represented, the thought occurred to him that he, too, was master of +the boundless water, buoyant at his will. An exaltation sprang up in +him as he realised throughout all his fibre its sensuous vastness, its +elastic massiveness. + +And with this exultant sense of mastery, with this feeling of the good +red blood coursing through him, there seemed to have awakened in him +an invincible something that held him to existence with a grip that +could know no loosening, that made his whole being cohere with a +strength that not all the forces of dissolution could relax. + +On and on he swam; on and on. What an ecstacy it was to live! + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +Once more a vision of his life passed before him as a single flash, +and this time it drew from him a scornful anger. + +Fool! Should he who rode abreast the ocean in absolute mastery not be +master of his own existence? Fool! The universe before had sung to him +of life, not of death; its essence had called to him not to take him +into itself, but to remind him that within him was some of its own +glorious fire that might yet make his life glorious. That, too, had +now leapt up, had burnt away all the vapours and purged his spirit; +that, too, sang and joined in the universal chant. He recognised its +clear melody, inspiring him to place faith in it and to be true to +himself. + +Action must be the key to the redemption of his life; a flourishing, +masterful Will-To-Live the force behind it. He had made mistakes; it +was for him to convert them into a good, to make of them a solid +pedestal on which his manhood should stand firm. + +Back to the shore again! Back to human beings and human love and human +duties! + +And just then an odd thought intruded on him, grotesque yet touching; +one of those incongruous memories that invade one's solemnest moments. +He had a vision of a labourer in soiled corduroys leaving him half his +dinner at the wayside inn that morning. + +He turned on his back to rest awhile, but he found he could not endure +the changed position. For the reality of the world was lost to him +again, and he had a sense of floating alone in the immensity of +strange, dark places; the cloud-stained sky seeming to rest on his +face. The night, too, had grown darker, and the throb of the +steam-vessel came to him now more faintly. He was conscious of being +left behind. A momentary fear invaded him. + +And in that moment he seemed to see the shapes of those who loved him +imploring him with streaming eyes, now beckoning him, now holding +their arms to him. + +He set his face landwards and thrust all uncertainty from him. He +could just distinguish the softly-gleaming cliffs, but he felt strong +and pure and stout-hearted. Back! Back! Back to land, to work, to +love! A rougher tide rolling in helped him. He knew the spot whence he +had started; it was just beyond the point where the cliff rose to its +highest. The sense of distance annihilated gave him new strength, and +at last he stood again amid the fallen boulders and shook the water +from him. He sacrificed an undergarment as a towel, then dressed +himself quickly; and, suffused by the new, living spirit, he turned +his steps townward again. + +But he could not go home to his lodgings and sleep. It was a small +confined bed-room he had taken, whereas he felt the need of breathing +deep of the full wind that had by now sprung up. He felt that the open +night brought inspiration, and he wished, too, to yield to all the +activity that urged within him. He passed again by the harbour, +plunged into the town and through the streets that ran up the +hill-side to the castle. + +Action, action, action! He had come through the crisis with miraculous +strength, with inexhaustible energy. On, on, through the grey night, +exulting in the wind even as he had exulted in the sea! + +Meanwhile his plans were coming to him. + +He had often, in his bitter moments, envied the bricklayer and the +cobbler. Why should _he_ not begin to learn a trade even now? + +He was conscious of intelligence, of patience, of the desire to +labour. Why should not Kettering give him a chance in his workshop? +The old man had shown him real kindness and was evidently +well-disposed towards him. He felt sure he could enlist his sympathy, +for, despite the apparent limitation of his interests, Simon Kettering +had impressed him as having, in a general way, a keen understanding of +things. The vulgarity of life in that household was but a small +consideration to him now. His vow never to return to it had been made +when he had taken the old vision of things. His new and saner vision +made him see that vow was a mistake. Was he not strong enough to defy +the corrosiveness of a mean, vulgar atmosphere? Nay, his life, by its +own inner force, would flow impervious to such influence. + +To labour, and by the work of his own hands to pay those whom Cleo had +wronged! + +Not till he had done this would he feel true to himself; not till then +would he deem himself worthy of the love of those who were dear to +him. + +It were easy to fall back on his father's generosity, to live an empty +life of indolence; but that would not give him that respect of self +which alone could keep him attuned to the harmonies of being, and thus +bring him the longed-for peace of spirit. For his sense of life was +the sum of his inner moods, and no mere superficial remedy could +inform them with that pure flowingness that constitutes happiness. + +To go though the discipline he had set himself, to labour hard and +achieve a fixed, worthy end by his own unaided efforts, no matter what +stretch of his life it consumed, were to vindicate himself, were to +vindicate his Will-To-Live! + +He had arrived at a culminating point in existence. The understanding +of what his life had lacked had come to him at last, and with it a +recognition of that by which it was to be guided in future. Life, to +be true, must involve all the functions of the soul--thought, emotion +and will; must be lived with a healthy fulness. He had not so lived +it. His error had lain in detachment, which had well-nigh brought him +to the verge of destruction. And now it was with him a time of +reconstruction. + +He desired to face that full actuality of things from which he had +always shrunk as from a terrifying chaos, wilfully shutting out from +his vision all but its superficial forms and tones. He wished to open +his spirit to the feeling and throb of the living world. + +Discipline, self-discipline! On that basis alone could the human soul +develop and attain to Individuality and Freedom. + +He seemed to recognise some Force working in him like a Redeemer; he +fancied he saw some strange Necessity in his life, working through all +its dark moments, its action eventually forcing upon him a true +estimation of existence, of his relation to things. + +His being should assimilate from the living world all that should +serve to build it up; even as a plant wonderfully drew from the earth +just that which its fibre needed. But for that end he must move +through the living world--not shun it. More and more of its essence +would he take into himself, more and more would he defy the mean, the +ugly, the evil; till at last he should be strong enough to walk +unscathed even through the fire. + +That thought which had come to him a short time before about the +meaninglessness of life, and of the perpetual mating that carried it +on, now recurred to him again; but this time he had an accompanying +sense of its utter falsity. He had been wrong in his thought, he told +himself, because to view life in that large way from an apparently +outside point of view was in reality to lose all sight of the meaning +under quest. It was the point of view which was unsuitable, not the +meaning which was absent! The error was the same fatal one of +detachment. If man projected a critical mind, a mere isolated bit of +himself, to which adhered nothing of his essential nature, into a +boundless space and bade it look from thence on the march of humanity +and deliver judgment thereon, surely that judgment could not be a true +one. + +The true judgment of life was only to be made by the help of the full +humanness of the observer. Life had to be felt within; not viewed from +without from an imagined cosmic standpoint. + +Not then in the long parade of history must the meaning of life be +sought, nor in its massed manifestations, the sum total resulting from +its activities; not amid the buried relics in geologic strata, not in +the large sweep of scientific law. But each human being might find it +for himself in his own limited span; for the individual life, lived +true with the fulness of the human spirit, was its own end, its own +meaning. And whosoever lived true to himself felt and knew the meaning +of life. Living and mating might be foreshortened to mere dry facts in +the great stretch of a cosmic outlook; by the emotion of the +individual they were touched to divinity. + +Let him, then, since he wished to live true, not seek to escape from +himself, but to accept his own human outlook and be true to the +fulness of his being. Let him recognise the eternal principles of +humanness underlying man's varying attempts to express them in binding +rules of conduct, and let him take his place in man's world--a world, +both of facts and relations, selected by man's innate nature from the +swirling, chaotic continuity of which man was a part--facing the +fulness of life with the fulness of character. + +He had climbed the long, ascending road. Above him sat the dark castle +on the top of a grey slope; and, looking downwards on his left, he saw +the town sleeping in its valley, its many points of light gleaming +through a palpitating mist. He could just discern the other hill +beyond as a tone that was lost in the dark sky, a faint luminous spot +showing here and there on the top. + +He stayed a moment to admire the nocturne and was glad that he had +lived to see all this beauty. Yes, everything called to him for life, +not for death. He continued his wandering, heedless whither; and, when +at last he became conscious of fatigue, he had covered many miles and +had strayed through many by-paths. The first frenzy of restlessness +had worn itself out, and he sat for awhile on a barred gate, previous +to turning back to the town. + +His only guide now was the general sense that he must keep the sea on +his left. He was but a few hundred feet from it. Once or twice he +divined the water, almost indistinguishable from cloud, when a great +indentation in the cliff made its edge sweep in towards him; and once +a ship's light flashed out of it for half a second. He swung along +steadily, and after a time found himself traversing a great, dusky +stretch of land. He had the feeling of crawling over it like an +insect, so vast was his sense of this flat earth; he seemed just a bit +of it moving on it and thinking about it, as if it had attained +through him to consciousness of itself! + +He fell into a slow saunter, philosophic fancies coming to interweave +themselves with his thoughts; and, when he awoke again from a long +reverie, the road had grown narrow, rough and stony. He stumbled along +till at length he again made out the castle in the distance, perched +on its sombre eminence, just a flat silhouette against a lighter +greyish sky. + +The road dipped between two slopes that cut off the view, and, when he +had passed them, the battlemented silhouette seemed to show deeper and +the sky lighter. The morn was approaching. + +Imperceptibly the darkness thinned. A quiet feeling of holiness was in +the air. The stretch of common on either hand began to take on a shade +of brown, though the rare clumps of scattered bushes still showed dark +and solid. A fresh morning breeze came to him, scent-laden. + +In some parts the clouds were lightening, melting, and as he came +again into full view of the sea, he saw its whole surface glistening +and of an indefinite colour. Sometimes it struck him as a sort of +steely grey, sometimes it flashed upon him as a vague, elusive green. +It was almost light now, and he could see the landscape distinct and +wonderfully sharp-cut. A minute later he was almost sure that the sea +was green, and, to his surprise, he became aware of luminous blue bars +among the clouds. There was a lovely piece of green, too, with orange +streaks in it. Then there came a full flood of mystic pink, and the +water was one laughing sparkle. He drew deep breaths of the air and +gloried in the dawn. + +The pure, sweet dawn, to him symbolic of Resurrection and Life! + +Though tired now, he still lingered, strolling at ease down to the +town again and lounging on the beach and in the harbour. When, in the +end, he arrived at the coffee-house where he had taken his lodging he +found it already open, and porters and sailors were taking their +early-morning coffee. + +He threw himself across his bed and slept soundly till mid-day. + + +END OF BOOK IV. + + + + +BOOK V. + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Morgan waited till half-past one before calling again at the +Ketterings, for by then, as he knew, the printer had about finished +his lunch, and usually had some few minutes to spare. + +He did not ring at the side entrance, but walked through the shop, +where only a boy was in charge at this hour, and into the workshop at +the back. Here, to his satisfaction, he found Mr. Kettering himself +busy measuring up galleys with a long piece of string. The old man was +startled to see him, but said he was glad he had come, as he had been +anxious about him and had wanted to talk to him. Morgan noticed that +he seemed a little excited. His face, too, seemed a trifle more worn +and lined than usual behind his spectacles, and his beard had a +scraggy appearance. + +"I'm afraid, sir, my daughters were very rude to you yesterday +morning," he continued, "and I want you to accept my sincere apology +for their conduct. They are hard-working girls enough, but they +haven't much sense, and I'm afraid not much consideration for other +folks' feelings. I only hope you'll overlook it this time. However, +there's something else I must tell you at once. Selina has gone away." + +"Gone away!" echoed Morgan. + +"Yes," said Mr. Kettering, sadly. "Altogether we've had a nice upset. +Mother's ill in bed to-day. It was this way: Of course I spoke a bit +sharply to those scatter-brained girls, and they answered me back in a +way it makes my blood boil to think about. Women-folk are all a bit +crazy. That's the opinion I've been forced to, sir, and if I had my +days over again, I'd never so much as look at one of them. Then +Selina--she joined in and said it stifled her to live here. It was +worse than living in a mud-hovel. Then the mother said she'd better go +and live in a mud-hovel. And after that they all four fell a-screaming +and I couldn't do anything to stop them. As soon as I could get a word +in edgeways I begged them to be quiet, but Selina was excited and +disowned us all. She said she never believed she was our child; she +could never possibly have come from such filth as us, and then she +lost her head and cursed us--I never heard the like in my life. My +heart bled for you, sir, for I said to myself: this can't be the first +exhibition she has made of herself since her marriage, especially as +things went wrong. However, business had to be attended to, which put +an end to the scene. But when I went up to dinner, Selina told me she +had packed up and was going away that afternoon, and that we needn't +expect ever to see her again. Of course I tried to talk her over, and +asked her not to be foolish, but to stop till she had her arrangements +properly made. Then she told me sharply not to mind about _her_ +arrangements, and that she had no need of my charity. She pulled out +and showed me fifty pounds in bank-notes. They came the day before, she +said, and she had any number of thousands waiting for her. 'But what +about your husband?' I asked. 'My husband?' she snorted. 'I'll make +you a present of him if you like. There's another woman in love with +him, who's ready to give him as much money as he cares to take from +her. And he has any number of mistresses besides. So you don't expect +I'm going to trouble my head about him. Besides, he hasn't said six +words to me since we've been here. If he had cared about me he'd have +shown it.' And, sure enough, she went off by the afternoon train. +'Tell him he's rid of me now, as soon as he gets over his fit of the +sulks and comes back,' was the last she said. Yes, women-folk are all +crazy. You'll excuse me repeating the remark, I know, sir; but you +remember what I told you when you came on Sunday. I don't mean any +disrespect by it, but I can't help thinking you were a fool to marry +her." + +And Kettering took up his cord again as if to continue his measuring. + +Morgan's brain was for an instant full of a whirling mass of thought. +He could not hide from himself that he had not the slightest sense of +sorrow or regret. He knew perfectly well that Cleo esteemed him no +more than a dead twig, that, by his abstention from offering up to her +daily an incense and a sweet savour of gross flattery, he had +destroyed all possibility of her continuing to imagine he counted for +something in her life. And, of course, she was not the kind of woman +to stay in so sordid and narrow a household with a penniless man, who +was nothing to her beyond her husband--she with her gorgeous demands +upon life! No doubt her departure had been already arranged with the +person who had sent her the money she had shown her father and she had +been glad to seize upon any pretext. However, he thought it right to +assure Mr. Kettering that Cleo's accusations against him were +entirely false and that, as regards his conduct towards her, no +reproach could be made to him. + +"You've no need to tell me that," said Mr. Kettering, "I never for a +moment doubted you. You know, sir," he added, "you're quite welcome to +make my home yours so long as it suits your convenience." + +Morgan replied that, as Kettering was probably aware, he had no money, +but that he was anxious to earn some, however little. Could he not do +so by learning to set up type? + +Kettering looked hard at him, and Morgan bore the gaze without +flinching. + +"I can see you mean it," he said, "so we won't waste time discussing +whether you're serious. Now, Mr. Druce, I don't know who you are, and +I'm not going to ask you any questions. I flatter myself I've got some +little skill in reading faces, and I knew from the first that you were +a gentleman, and one with his heart in the right place. Now don't +think I'm taking liberties, sir, but I should like you to think the +matter over again and see whether you would not do better to +communicate with your family and friends. I don't want to know how you +came to have the misfortune to marry my girl, but I feel that as a +fellow-man I ought to ask you to reconsider your position. Maybe your +folk are fretting and anxious about you. I'm only a plain man, but I +think I can lay some claim to common sense, and believe me I only +venture to speak to you like this because I respect you." + +"I do intend communicating with my people," said Morgan, touched by +the old man's sincerity and thoughtfulness, "but I want to earn my +bread all the same. That is essential." + +"I understand," said Kettering. "You want to feel yourself stand on +your own legs. Yes, that's a fine thing to feel. Well, as I said, I +like your face and I trust you. I hope you're not vexed at what I +ventured to say." + +"On the contrary," said Morgan, "I am sincerely grateful to you for +having said it." + +Kettering's face beamed, and its benevolent quality grew more marked. + +"A boy apprentice is supposed to take seven years learning the trade, +sir, but we needn't get discouraged about that. A man anxious to +learn, with his wits about him--" + +"I am anxious, and I have my wits about me," put in Morgan. + +"Well, after three months he could make himself deuced handy." + +Kettering's mild oath was simply intended by way of encouragement. + +"You see," he went on, "once you'd learnt the lay of the case, you'd +soon get your hand in for straightforward setting, and then if you +didn't mind exercising your muscles, you could do a bit of pulling at +press. And a man of your education, sir, might turn his knowledge to +account in proof-reading. Not that there's much scope for that sort of +thing, sir, in my little business. But it's just an idea we might keep +in mind. There's no knowing what might come of it. Now I'm not going +to omit the business part, sir. I know you must be wanting to hear +about that, and I know you'd prefer to make a bargain on a strict +business basis. Perhaps you care to make a suggestion." + +"I am too ignorant for that. I want you to give me just what I am +worth and no more. Of course, I know that I shall not be worth +anything for some time." + +In a few minutes they had arranged everything in such a way that there +should be no obligation on either side. Morgan was to live in the +house. A wage was to be put to his credit from the beginning for all +work done by him that was of use, at the regular "piece rates," and +such work as "pulling at press" and "clearing," which could only be +estimated by time, was to be entered at time rates. Of course his +earnings at first would be very small, but they would increase from +week to week. On the other hand, an agreed weekly value was put on his +board and lodging, which from the first would be charged against his +earnings. And when eventually the wages due to him had overtaken the +amount thus due by him, he should get the weekly balance in cash, or +he might then, if he preferred, board and lodge where it pleased him. + +Morgan was touched by old Kettering's sympathetic comprehension of his +needs, but when he sought to give expression to his thanks, the old +man would not listen. + +Mark entered just then, and, the situation having been made clear to +him in a few words, readily agreed to have Morgan by his side in the +workshop, and to make of him a sort of protege. + +The whole interview had consumed barely half an hour, and Morgan went +out just as the journeymen were returning for their afternoon's work. +He had arranged to begin in the morning, since they had a heavy job +to get finished that afternoon, and could not spare a moment to +initiate him. Mark, however, said he would teach him the lay of the +case that evening from a diagram. Kettering, before he left, said he +would make it his business to give the girls to understand that they +must treat him with respect, but begged him to ignore them in case +they should misbehave, winding up with his oft-expressed conviction +that all women-folk were crazy, and it was a mistake to take them +seriously. + +However, Morgan troubled himself little about the girls; they had no +terrors for him now. An exquisite peace came upon him. It was many +years since he had had the feeling. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +He was not sorry to have the afternoon free, for it gave him the +opportunity of writing long letters to Helen and to his father. He +felt he owed it to both to make them understand his changed attitude. + +"One real critical moment in a life," he went on to write to Helen, +after narrating all that had occurred up to that very moment, +"suffices to work changes that may seem almost miraculous. I am not +going to say that the prophecy you made just to encourage me a little +is going to be fulfilled. Happiness is not for me--I have lost the +essential factors of that. But a cheerful acceptance of life, a full +use of each day, a consciousness of submission to a healthy +self-discipline, must bring me a healthy sense of worthiness. + +"Of course you will see that my making the payment of Cleo's debts a +sort of goal will enable me to test my strength. Once I arrive at the +goal, I shall be able to hold my head high. I have done the one and +only thing, and it was good for me that the means were so near at +hand. And so I hope to have your approval both of my determination and +of my returning you this bank-note. I have still eighteen-pence in my +pocket, and Mr. Kettering says I can draw a few shillings whenever I +feel in need of them. + +"I dare say my donning an apron and holding a composing-stick +must at moments seem quite comic to you. Viewed by itself, it no doubt +_is_ comic. But it isn't a fact to be looked at by itself. It is a +fact which has a relation to my whole existence--in the past, present, +and future--and must be strictly viewed in such relation. + +"I don't know why I should mention this except that I caught a sudden +glimpse of myself as a workman and found myself smiling. Every life +must have its critical moments, and I feel that I have just passed +through mine. I have come out with different conceptions of things; +moreover, I seem to have found the key to the scheme of my existence, +and, though as yet only in a haunting way, to understand the +underlying principle, working through all my dreamings, my failures, +my mistakes, and my folly, towards my redemption." + + +In the letter to his father he necessarily had to condense a good +deal, as the ground to be covered was so extensive. And some instinct +urged him to be silent about his attempt at suicide. He told briefly +of his marriage, which he described as a sort of a jump with his eyes +open he had suddenly been impelled to take. He had fallen on a place +astonishingly different from what it had appeared to him, for he had +been the victim of a mirage, through which the force of his impulse +had taken him into underlying abysses. He went on to describe Cleo's +failure and his own awakening; how they had gone to Dover, how Cleo +had left him, and why he was remaining there now. He likewise included +a message for the Medhursts, but asked his father not to tell them his +whereabouts. It would be sufficient if they were assured all was well +with him. It was an odd fancy, but he wanted to have the feeling that +he was hiding from them. + +He had been too touched by his father's letter not to be frank and +sincere, as indeed he would have been in any case, and he only omitted +to say how close he had been to his end because he shrank from giving +pain. + + +"There is one thing in particular I want to ask you," he concluded, +"and that is not to be tempted to come here to see me. If you really +do sympathise with my motives for the life I have chosen, you will +understand my fear that a meeting between us now might unnerve me. I +know it is a great thing to ask you to be satisfied with the knowledge +that I am well and cheerful, and that, my wife having left me of her +own accord, I have nothing to reproach myself with in my conduct to +her from beginning to end. But I want to begin my new work and submit +myself to the new discipline. So much for me depends upon it that, +though I am strong and confident, I must not run the risk of being +distracted from my purpose by forces that are stronger than I. Where +the issue is so great--as it is, according to my conception of +things--it is but natural I should distrust myself a little. The year +is just half gone. Give me the opportunity of testing myself and of +inuring myself to the discipline with no other encouragement save the +knowledge of the worthiness of my purpose and the goodwill and +approval of whoever understands me. I want to stand alone for the +present--isolation brings out every atom of strength in me. Then, +perhaps, when the new year comes and I shall have had the strength to +stand firm, I may be able to look you in the face." + +Helen, in her reply, would not agree with him that he had lost the +essential factors of happiness. She still stood by her prophecy. She +understood and entered into his every feeling, and approved of his +plans unreservedly. The ten pounds she had given to a starving man. + + "I wanted to celebrate your choice between life and death, and + the dawn of your new era, by making a human being happy, if only + for a little while. You should have seen his face when he + understood all that lump of money was really his. What emotions + must have stirred in him! He must have thought that the age of + miracles had come again. It gave me the sensation of drinking + some ethereal brand of champagne--it was to your happiness, of + course, I drank. + + "I was aware, from the beginning, that you were beset with + dangers from your own temperament and disposition. But perhaps, + after all, it is best that your temperament should have worked + itself out its own way. You will emerge the better and the + stronger for it in the end, and then, when you do come into your + happiness, you will be able to appreciate it with your whole + being. But I must own to a sense of guilt--I might have been a + truer friend to you had it not been for my selfish love for you. + You have yet to forgive me for that. + + "It rather vexes me that I cannot do more than just look on and + see events shape themselves inevitably, like a spring uncoiling. + I should so much have loved to be the good fairy of your life. + But, alas! that cannot be, since its very inner force is its own + good fairy. + + "P. S. I have managed to write you a whole letter without one + flippant phrase. Which is certainly a proof that your admonition + to me not to look upon you, in apron and shirt-sleeves, picking + up type, as a comic picture has made a due impression on me. I am + seeing you the whole time as a sort of glorified, idealised + workman, enveloped in a mystic halo, and standing for the dignity + of labor and the nobility of man. By the way, I have met Miss + Medhurst. I had quite a thrill as we shook hands! And she had not + the slightest idea I was of any special interest, more than any + other casual person she might meet. Strange dramatic position, + was it not? Of course, I never want her to know about me. Which + reminds me, I am rather alarmed lest your mood of confession + should have led you to make me known to your sire--I hope not. + And please don't. May I come to Dover for a day now and again in + order to see you for ten minutes each time? I have decided to cut + Scotland and pass August at Folkestone instead, just lounging on + the beach and reading novels. Please say 'yes.' + + "P. P. S. I don't like the idea of my role being limited to + writing you amusing letters. Won't you allot me a more active and + satisfying part? Would it not be a good idea for you to appoint + me your 'London agent?' Suppose you give me the list of your + creditors and remit me your money as soon as you have a decent + instalment put by. You could leave the distribution to me. The + workmen should be paid first, of course. I shall arrange to + ferret them out, which, I think, will not be difficult, as most + of them are, no doubt, attached to the theatre. It would make me + so happy if you said 'yes.' After all, one's life, when once its + conditions are settled, and its allotted tasks performed, really + reduces itself to inter-relations with a few chosen personalities, + and everything else becomes a mere background against which one + lives. It is the few who occupy one's central consciousness and + make one happy or miserable. You will see, therefore, how + important to me this apparently little thing will be." + + +His father's reply was brief and to the point. He thanked his dear son +for listening to his prayer, and was happy to hear that everything was +now well. As to the irreparable mistake, that, of course, must be +faced and lived down. He would respect Morgan's wishes and not seek to +see him for the present. Directly he had received Morgan's letter he +had sent a long telegram to the Medhursts, which he was now +supplementing by a letter. They had telegraphed back, asking him to +convey to Morgan their love and hoping they might hear about him from +time to time. "You have made me understand a good deal to which I have +been blind," he went on. "You were never an ordinary lad; you had +special needs, as has every lad of any individuality. I should have +sought to comprehend them, instead of trying to drive you along the +ordinary lines. No wonder there was a discord--a jarring and a +clashing. God speed you, my dear son, and with all my heart do I wish +you success in doing that which you feel to be right. For the present, +good-bye!" + +When Morgan wrote again to Helen he prayed her not to come just yet. +His mood was desperately set on isolation, till he could feel he had +tackled the task before him and made substantial progress. He hoped +she would not alter her plans, as she had meditated, but he gladly +accepted her services as "London agent." There was little chance, +though, of his being able to send her the first remittance for several +months, by which time she would probably be back in town. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Meanwhile Morgan had settled down "at case" and was patiently learning +to pick up the "stamps." He was initiated into the mysteries of ems +and ens, of leading and spacing and making-up. Racks and galleys and +wooden and metal "furniture" played a large part in his dreams; +turpentine, paraffin and machine-oil, roller composition and inks +became the breath of his nostrils. By an effort of concentration he +would never before have been capable of, he made rapid advance, +Kettering generously letting him do such work as he could do most +effectively, so that his wages' account mounted week by week. The +close attention his work demanded made mind-wandering and aimless +thinking impossible; but as time went by and he found himself +acquiring skill, his enthusiasm grew, and he threw himself into his +new occupation almost with frenzy, taking a sort of savage +satisfaction in the grey grime of the workshop with its soiled wooden +fittings, and in the silent companionship of his aproned co-workers. + +He filled up his time at every department of the trade, +learning--besides type-setting and proof-correcting--to take the +gas-engine to pieces and to clean it, to help to make ready "formes" +on the machine, to mix inks, to clean rollers and to work at press, +either as inker or puller. But the grime had no power to enter into +his spirit, though some slight suggestion of his occupation began +eventually to show itself in his face. His hands, too, suffered +severely, for soft white hands get quickly ill-used in a printer's +workshop. + +Still smarting under a long lecture from their father, Alice and Mary +had at first taken care to confine conversation with him to trade +exigencies; but after a few days they had grown to accept him as part +of the household, and were civil to him again. Mrs. Kettering liked to +get him to herself of an evening and talk to him for two hours at a +time. Kettering himself would fidget a good deal at such times, but +scarcely ventured to intrude, though apparently his greatest delight +was also to converse with Morgan. But Mrs. Kettering showed no such +scruples about entering into the conversation and eventually taking +Morgan captive, being entirely without respect for the fact that her +husband was in legal possession. In either case Morgan's contribution +to the conversation rarely exceeded one-fourth of the whole. + +Mark continued taciturn as ever, though his enormous mustachios seemed +to grow constantly, as if benefitting by the energy that should have +gone into speech. Sometimes he would accompany Morgan on a long walk, +and on such occasions Morgan would try to discover the secret of his +personality. He learnt after some difficulty that Mark regarded women +pretty well as so many demons put on this earth to entrap men's souls. +He however had to confess he hadn't formed this opinion from outside +experience, but then, he added, he had taken good care to steer free +of the sex. He was satisfied to do his work and smoke his pipe--a +veritable pipe of peace. + +This philosophy, however, only represented one-half of him, though its +few simple facts had had to be elicited in little bits, buried in +irrelevances, and as there were apparently numbers of such little +bits, the process of extrication had been a somewhat painful one. Nor +did the other half come as a single revelation. It was also conveyed +in little bits, which Morgan had to dig out and piece together and +these bits were more difficult to find than the others, for they were +infinitely tinier. Mark had once been in love, but had been too shy to +let the object of it suspect it, or, rather, he had not known which +way to set to work, and the prize had been snapped up by another. + +Of course, Morgan's thought sometimes indulged in flights that had +little relation to the workshop or to the processes of printing, but +only within strict and narrow limits. These he further narrowed by +giving up a great part of his leisure to the perusal of such technical +books as Kettering possessed. Cleo still figured largely for him. She +had been too big and important a fact in his life to lose her place as +yet in the centre of his consciousness. But even had he the power, he +would not have attempted to gather any intelligence as to her +movements, though he could not help speculating somewhat on the very +point. Should she ever return into his life again--and he could not +make up his mind as to the probability of her doing so--then would be +time enough for him to concern himself with her practically. + +And amid all his toil, he had ever a sense of something light and +dainty, something he was aware of as a haunting, unseen presence. And +then at moments there gleamed upon him the wistful fancy that, beneath +all the phrases and arguments with which he had equipped himself for +the battle, it was really his love for Margaret was helping him to be +strong, that it was the hope of his one day attaining to be worthy of +her friendship was aiding his self-purification, that it was the flame +she had lit in him had now sprung up again, defying all the mean +elements by which he was surrounded to eat into his spirit. + +And once the fancy had come to him, he nurtured it, so that it grew +and grew and became part of his very self. If, indeed, it had not been +truth when it had first come to him, it was truth now. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +Strolling out one evening, about the end of August, to cool after the +heated atmosphere of the workshop, Morgan was dreaming a beautiful +vain dream. He had gone half way down the shorter St. Margaret's road, +and in the distance rose the square church-tower. For the last two or +three minutes he had been conscious of people a few yards ahead of +him, and, as their slow stroll was yet slower than his, he had been +getting nearer and nearer to them. Now his eye rested half vacantly on +their backs, and the perception forced itself upon him that the three +backs were those of ladies; and the next thing that dawned upon him +was that there was something familiar as well as pleasing about the +carriage, the curves, and the movements of those backs, still some +twenty paces ahead of him. But he was still dreaming of Margaret, and +these perceptions from the outer world were not strong enough to +destroy the images in possession of his mind. He was quite close on +them before he became aware that he had stumbled on Mrs. Medhurst, +Margaret, and Diana. + +Though conscious of them, he had, in his abstraction, almost walked on +them in the narrow road, making them turn instinctively. He knew he +was trembling visibly as he stood face to face with Margaret, her +figure flashing on him for a moment like a divine vision; then he saw +nothing and felt a fire burning at his temples. + +"Morgan," said Mrs. Medhurst's sweet voice, and the cloud of things +passed away, and he became aware her arm was supporting him. + +"So we know your hiding-place now," sang out Diana. "Why wouldn't you +let my old sweetheart tell me? I'm sure I'd have got it out of him all +the same had he been in London." + +"Morgan doesn't even offer to shake hands with us," said Margaret in +soft suggestion. + +Now that the encounter had been made, he pulled himself together to +face it. He felt shame-faced and altogether unstrung, and he knew that +the instinct that had made him insist on isolation had been fully +justified. He was over-conscious, too, of the stains on his hands as +he held it out. And yet beneath all his discomfort there was a full +tide of immeasurable happiness. He could not speak yet. His throat +swelled--the emotion was too overpowering. Here again was Margaret, +the real Margaret, by his side, talking to him! + +His eyes took her in greedily. Under the large straw hat, with its +poppies and corn, her face showed exquisite, a face that might float +tantalisingly across a painter's vision, and vanish after but allowing +him the merest glimpse. Though she was clad in a simple dark blue +serge dress, the grace of her figure seemed to him a revelation, and a +ravishing sprig of cornflower peeped from her waistband. There was a +repose, too, and a gentleness in her bearing that made him think, by +contrast, of his Cleo, and of the uncouthness of Alice and Mary when +they attempted to be stately. + +Perhaps the very thought seemed to call out to him in warning, for, +suppressing a sigh, he tore his eyes away from her. + +"Why couldn't you let us know?" persisted Diana, who had been +evidently much put out by the failure of her artful letters to seduce +Archibald into giving away the secret of Morgan's whereabouts. + +Mrs. Medhurst and Margaret both looked at Morgan and smiled, as if to +convey to him that _they_ understood his motives, and to indicate that +Diana was not in the secret. Diana's quick eyes, however, noted the +movement, though she said nothing just then. + +"I had reasons," said Morgan, vaguely, feeling he must make some sort +of an answer to so definite a question. + +"We are staying at St. Margaret's," explained Mrs. Medhurst, "and we +have been taking a stroll along the cliff-path. It began to get too +dangerous, so we climbed a fence and cut across somebody's ploughed +field, and then through a common, till at last we got on to this road. +And now we're wending our steps homeward. You, Morgan, I suppose, are +wandering after the labours of the day?" + +He felt they were talking to him in as simple and natural a manner as +if they had but parted the day before, under normal circumstances; and +he was grateful for this delicacy that abstained from embarrassing him +and made the meeting an easy one for him. + +"The beauty of the evening tempted me," he said, growing more at his +ease. + +"And shall not our beauty tempt you as well," suggested Mrs. Medhurst +laughingly, "to come and see our humble cottage. It is a quaint +place. Mr. Medhurst bought it and we furnished it ourselves." + +"Do come, Morgan," put in Margaret persuasively, as if some instinct +told her he was going to hesitate. + +He knew that battling against the temptation would be hopeless. He +seemed to be walking with angels in the last flood of the evening +sunlight, and something of the divine calm of evening came over his +spirit. He was borne along, gently, gently, till all the sense of the +day's toil behind him fell away. The cool air breathed on him, and +fluttered the blades of grass on the common, and shook the purple +wild-flowers that grew along the wayside. It was laden with the odour +of the sheaves that were spread over the fields amid the brown +stubble, and seemed to waft to him something of the elemental poetry +of the great mother Earth, of the informing spirit of religions of +antiquity, of the human joy in the harvest festival, of the symbolic +cornucopia, of the grateful offerings of first-fruits. + +With a rare understanding of his emotions, they referred no more to +him or his work, but plunged at once into their holiday adventures, so +that he also was carried away from himself. Diana was learning to +swim, and was as full of the subject as she had once or twice, +according to her own account, been of sea-water. Margaret's +enthusiasms were all for boating, and she took the others out whenever +the sea was smooth enough to soothe her mother's fears. The cottage, +too, was such fun that they never grew tired of it. And then there was +a field near at hand where they had a tennis-court marked out, and +where Diana and Margaret kept the ball going between them. + +It did not take them long to reach St. Margaret's, and they entered +their cottage just as the sun was on the point of sinking. Morgan, now +abandoned to his adventure, was delighted with the curiously-built +place, with its tiny hall, on one side of which was the little +drawing-room, and on the other the dining-room. The walls were boarded +and the ceilings were low, rough and whitewashed. Sketches and prints +were hung in profusion, nooks were draped, and wicker and quaint +chairs and knick-knacks were arranged in a charming disorder, whilst +books were scattered everywhere. A piano loomed huge in the crowded +little drawing-room. And all this had been achieved, whispered Mrs. +Medhurst confidentially in his ear, by the outlay of an incredibly few +pounds. + +Morgan had an enchanted couple of hours, handling the books, listening +to Margaret's playing, and admiring Diana's skill with the mandoline, +which her many-sided caprice had taken up of late. He joined them in +their evening meal for, according to their rural regime, they dined at +two and supped about nine. The dining-room opened direct into a third +inner room, which mysterious place Morgan judged to be a kitchen; for +the cottage was built long and low. + +When eventually he rose to go, they bade him good-night with the same +implication of normality. It almost seemed they were taking it for +granted he would come again on the morrow. But he knew their omission +to give him a definite invitation was dictated by their feeling for +him; that they did not wish to seem to intrude on the life he had +chosen, but were leaving it to him to decide. + +He strode off through the gathering darkness on the hour's walk that +would take him back to Dover. The colour had not quite died out of the +west, and, as he watched the violets and the cold blues and the pearl +greys fading with the strange, lingering light on the distant horizon, +his feeling of the evening just passed brought back to him the echo of +some lines in the poem, from which Helen had once quoted to him: + + "It lies in heaven, across the flood + Of ether, as a bridge. + Beneath, the tides of day and night + With flame and darkness ridge + The void..." + + +He had the sensation of being in the middle spaces now, floating down +towards earth again from some rare ethereal region, to which his +spirit had mounted. + +Perhaps, too, of Margaret might it be true, as of the Blessed Damozel: + + "... she cast her arms along + The golden barriers, + And laid her face between her hands + And wept." + + +He recalled now what his father had written in his first letter about +her shutting herself up in her studio and her pretence of being at +work on a mass of wax. The hint of her suffering had been almost +intolerable to him then; and he knew that, in spite of all her gaiety +to-night, the wound had not healed. He pictured the four of them +sitting in the shaded lamp-light of the little drawing-room, and, as +the echo of the music she had played surged again in his ears, he +seemed to feel behind it a strange, ineffable sadness, as one might be +conscious of the dark depths of a moon-lit stream. Her every movement +rose before him again, giving him the sense of pain suppressed for his +sake. + +He had abandoned himself to the charm of the evening--it had been so +wonderful to him! But now his vision seemed to have grown keener, to +be piercing deeper. His memory of each moment was marvellously clear. +How vivid still was the picture of Mrs. Medhurst bending down into the +light, when he had noticed how the gold was fading out of the still +beautiful hair. In the haunting memory of her sweet face he seemed to +see now an under-expression of anxious pity and love. + +Perhaps now that the pressure was relaxed, Margaret had stolen up to +her room and was sobbing passionately to a silent world. + +They seemed to beat through him, these sobs! And then Mrs. Medhurst's +face again seemed to be with him, and the knowledge that his father +had loved her in the olden days seemed to bring her closer to his +heart. He stood still and threw out his arms in the darkness, with the +vain yearning fancy that perhaps she might be there, that perhaps she +might take him to her. + +"Morgan," sang out a voice by his side. + +His arms dropped and his heart beat painfully, and, though in a moment +he had perceived it was Diana had overtaken him in the gloom, he could +not recover himself. + +"Why, you're crying!" she exclaimed, as her hand stole into his. "And +so is she. That makes a pair of you. I'm sure I don't know what it's +all about, but it's enough to vex a saint. Something mysterious has +happened and nobody will tell me a word about it. And I dare not ask +Margaret. I tried it once, and it just started her off crying--I +thought she'd never stop!" + +He did not answer her. He but held her little hand tighter, aware that +the contact made his own seem coarser. They moved on together. + +Suddenly he checked himself. "You must not come any further," he +began. "I must see you back." + +"Tell me first what has happened," she persisted; "Why have you become +a workman?" + +"I cannot and must not tell you. Besides, you could never understand." + +"I understand a good deal more than you grown-up people think I do. +Why can't you leave off being a workman? And why don't you come and +marry Margaret? She's awfully in love with you, and so are you with +her--you know you are!" + +"Yes Diana, I know I am," fell from his lips, and immediately he +regretted the words. + +"Then come back now and tell her," said Diana, tugging at him as if to +make him turn. + +"But look at my hands," he said, half in jest, half in earnest. "See +how rough and stained they are! I shall always be a workman, and I +shall always be very poor." + +"Margaret doesn't care anything about that," she protested. "She's not +that sort of girl. Do come back, please, Morgan. Mamma's reading +downstairs. I'll steal up to Marjy and tell her you're waiting for +her. If you stand under the window, I'm sure you'll hear her crying. +Come along, Morgan, you can take ever such a nice walk together, +and----" + +"And,"--he echoed stupidly. + +"Oh, I was going to say I'll be glad to get the pair of you off my +hands." + +"I'm afraid that pleasure will have to be postponed indefinitely," he +observed. "And now, Diana," he added, as sternly as he could, "you +must be going back home without me--that is, I'll see you safe to +where the houses begin." + +"Morgan, you're a brute!" she answered with equal sternness. "But I +mean to get to the bottom of this mystery all the same. I'll make a +bet with you. How long do you give me to find out?" + +"Ten years," said Morgan. He had now turned back with her. + +"Ten years!" she echoed mockingly. "Why there'll be any number of +olive-branches by then. Yours, of course, I mean." + +"Diana! You are a very wicked girl." + +"Well, I'm fourteen. That's quite old enough to be wicked, isn't it? +Good-night, Morgan." And she suddenly sped ahead, and before he could +recover from his astonishment she had become a shadow amid the +darkness. + +He strode after her, though he had not the least anxiety for her, as +they were not yet a mile distant from the cottage. From the speed with +which she kept ahead of him, it was clear she was determined to elude +him; seeing which he contented himself with keeping within range of +her. + +When, eventually, he turned towards Dover again, it was with a +feeling of half-sorrow that he should have happened to take that walk. +Strong and firm as he was, he was not strong enough to endure such +ordeals. He had winced most whilst Diana had been speaking to him. And +then the figure of Cleo came up again. Cleo, to whom he was married! + +In the depression that now came upon him, a friendship with Margaret, +even years hence, seemed an impossibility to him. She might remain +with him as an ideal figure, but the real living Margaret was too +dazzling for him to look upon. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +Morgan did not venture again to take any walks to the east of the +town, though he dwelt with pain on the possibility of the Medhursts +hoping to fall in with him again. He could only trust that they would +understand, though from their point of view there might perhaps seem +no reason why he should avoid them so utterly. Had not the last +encounter been a success, they might argue, and had he not been +perfectly cheerful and, to all appearance, happy in their company? + +Once or twice he thought of writing to Mrs. Medhurst, but he could not +get down a word, and the pen dropped from his hand. + +He felt the effects for several days, a vision of that lamp-lit room +continuing to obtrude between him and his work, and the stream of +music still flowing from Margaret's fingers. His proofs were dirty and +needed much correction; and he even found himself setting up his +thoughts in type, instead of following his copy. + +However, he toiled on, almost with desperation, and Mr. Kettering's +respect for him and his abilities advanced greatly. He and Mark had +never ceased to call him "sir"; and Morgan, on his part, could never +cease wondering how such sterling character could exist side by side +in the same family with the general instability that characterised the +women. As for Alice and Mary, he had been so long now in the house +that an occasional quarrel with them signified nothing; in fact, that +was part of the routine of the life. + +About the end of the year he got his first chance in life. Mr. +Kettering had been very proud, indeed, of employing him, especially as +he had proved so apt a learner, and the experiment had entirely been +crowned with success. The old man had enlarged on Morgan's superior +culture to the traveller of a great London paper firm--himself a man +of some education--who had for many years been going abroad regularly +on the business of his firm, and who as regularly looked in for +Kettering's order. This Mr. Brett thus came to make Morgan's +acquaintance, discovered he knew Greek and Latin, and divined some +mystery was at the back of Morgan's present position. + +The direct result of this acquaintance was that, on the first day of +the next year, Morgan found himself installed as "reader" in a large +firm of printers in Upper Thames street, London, in which a brother of +Mr. Brett was the junior partner. He had thoroughly mastered the +business of proof-reading under Kettering's tuition, and his Greek and +Latin and general culture had done the rest for him, for there was now +scope for all of it in his new position. His salary at starting was +two pounds fifteen shillings per week, the same as that of his +predecessor, who had left the firm voluntarily. + +But even before leaving Dover he had had the satisfaction of being +able to send Helen a few pounds to pay some of the workmen, and she +had been able to make a satisfactory report to him. While she had been +in Scotland a couple of letters had passed between them which sufficed +for all they had to say to each other; and to his father as well he +had reported progress from time to time. Simon and Mark Kettering both +exhibited signs of emotion when the moment for parting came, and, +though they were sorry to lose him, rejoiced with him at his promotion. + +"And I can only hope," were Simon's last words, "that my daughter will +never turn up to worry you, and that, even if you forget her, you'll +sometimes think of us folk here at Dover. And, be sure, if you ever +find yourself in the town again, there's a hearty welcome waiting for +you at my house." + +In London, Morgan took a large, airy garret in Southwark, to get from +which to his work he had only to cross the bridge, and fitted it with +a narrow folding-bed and the few things he needed. He made his own +breakfast, had his dinner sent into the works at one o'clock from a +neighboring coffee-shop, had tea made for him by one of the girl +folders, and supped at home on bread and cheese. In this way he +managed to live and to dress neatly--patronising a very different sort +of tailor from his old London one--on a pound a week. Every penny of +the rest he put by rigorously. + +About this time he learnt that his father could not come to town yet, +as the winter was a severe one, and he had had a touch of rheumatism. +As Morgan had come to look forward to seeing him now, this was a +disappointment. Moreover, he had grown to take a keener interest now +in the affairs of the home. At one time it had occupied little part of +his thoughts, but now a finer sensibility to his domestic ties seemed +to have arisen in him. He was very much concerned about this illness +of his father's, the full extent of which, he had an idea, had been +concealed from him. Helen, too, he saw but once during his first month +in London, on which occasion he donned his best garments and went to +take tea with her. Though their friendship had been so long passive, +it was not less intense than heretofore. By some mutual instinct they +seemed to avoid discussing his personal concerns now, Helen receiving +him just as an old friend and as if there had been nothing in their +lives to make a special link between them. She seemed to have grown +somewhat graver in expression, and he was not sure that he did not +like her face better like that. She amused and cheered him, and, once +they had come together again, she insisted there was no reason now why +he should not come oftener. And so, on a rare Saturday afternoon, when +he was free, he would come in for an hour and listen to her pleasant +chatting. Only when he brought her money would she permit herself any +reference to his progress in life. + +Of Cleo he heard nothing. She had not made another appearance on the +boards, or, if she had, it had been in some obscure way. She intruded +into his thoughts often enough, and was still a reality to him when he +specially dwelt on her. But he was quite startled one day at suddenly +realising the rapidity with which she was becoming a far-off shadow. +There were moments now when he could almost believe that the whole +episode of his marriage had been the veriest product of his fancy. + +Frequently in the evenings and on rest days he would employ his +leisure wandering amid the regions in which his lot was now cast. For +the first time now he felt the mammoth city as a reality; for the +first time he seemed to comprehend it--what it was and what it +represented. In the days when he had trodden these same pavements +with Helen its aspect had been merely panoramic. Now he himself was of +it, a living and breathing unit of the multitude of toilers that +peopled these vast industrial quarters. His vision pierced the +swarming surface, the great grimy thoroughfares with their tramlines, +their miles of sordid shops, their windowed expanse of brick, dingy +and far-stretching, their serried lines of narrow houses. + +And then he would feel that a great sense of the spirit of human life +was passing into his blood. Leaping flashes of light came to him at +times, as he sat in his garret with the fused murmur of the world +surging in his ears, illumining for him abysses that had appeared to +him once dark and bottomless. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +It was early in March before Archibald Druce was well enough to come +to town. Morgan's working day ended at seven o'clock, and at that hour +Archibald called at the printing establishment, and the two went off +together. + +Morgan was excited, and he could see his father was. Neither had any +"news," since, in their exchange of letters, everything had already +been told. Still, they talked a little about the home, and then there +were further details of Archibald's illness. Both perhaps felt the +meeting was a trifle cold, but they knew the constraint would melt +away presently. + +"I haven't yet thought how we're going to spend the evening," said the +old man. "We must dine together somewhere. After that we might perhaps +look in at a theatre; it won't matter if we are late." + +Morgan, who had no alternative suggestion to offer, readily fell in +with this one, remarking that the dinner for him would be a rather +magnificent kind of supper. + +They eventually settled on a restaurant and ordered their repast. +Then, somehow, as they sat facing each other, their tongue-strings +seemed to get loosened. + +It was a long time since they had last met, and Archibald, who had +been full of his book then, now confessed he had put it aside for the +present. For several months past his mind had not been in sufficiently +fresh condition to enable him to work on it. Morgan remembered now +how he had suggested a title for it half in scorn, and even such small +remembrance was painful to him. He felt he had had something very like +contempt for his father's literary scheme, forgetting, in the +self-castigation of the moment, that at the time it had merely struck +him humourously, and that his sin had not been quite so heinous as it +now appeared to him. If the element of humour now coloured his vision +of things but very slightly, that was only natural to his present +stage of development. + +They lingered over their coffee, not rising till about half-past +eight. + +"Suppose you just come and sit with me in my room, father," said +Morgan. "If we have to decide on a theatre now, I am afraid we shall +be quarrelling the rest of the evening. Besides, I do not want to +acquire the habits of a young man about town. We can have a quiet talk +for the rest of the evening." + +"Yes, I should like to see your place," said his father. "It will +enable me to judge of your powers of graphic description." + +He was beginning to be more cheerful already and to show it. He took +Morgan's arm affectionately, and they went back to Upper Thames street +and crossed Southwark Bridge. + +"I hope the woman hasn't forgotten to lay the fire," said Morgan, as +he turned the key. + +A moment later he had lighted the cheap lamp and the room stood +revealed in all its bareness. A small table, three wooden chairs, the +little bed, a trunk in the corner, and a washstand, were insufficient +to make it look furnished, garret as it was. + +"I recognise the place," said Archibald, depositing his things on the +trunk. "It's quite large and airy. You are lucky to have only the +front walls sloping. But the window gives you a back view, so perhaps +I ought to have said 'back walls.'" + +Morgan lighted the fire, and the two sat down before it. + +"What have you in that cupboard just by you?" asked Archibald. "I feel +inquisitive. I must get up and poke about.... Coals and crockery," he +enumerated with slow unction, "a saucepan, a coffee-pot, a tea-pot, a +broom, and some exceedingly dirty dusters. My dear Morgan, what a +wonderfully compact place you have here; it's a miracle of +completeness." + +"I've given up coffee at night, but I make excellent cocoa. You shall +have some before you go." + +"Capital!" said the old fellow. "I'm enjoying myself immensely. This +is quite a picnic." + +"I am quite comfortable here," said Morgan, half to himself. + +"There's only one suggestion I have to make," said his progenitor, +"and that is you ought to have just a strip of carpet under your feet, +or a small rug would do just as well. Last year at home, now, I had +the carpet taken out of the drawing-room, in favour of a polished +floor, but, Lord bless you, I found myself doing nothing else but +sneezing, in spite of the odd rugs, for in a drawing-room you don't +just happen to think where you're standing. But here when you just sit +down at your table or by your fire it would be so easy to take care +you've got the thing underfoot. I must send you a rug to-morrow--you +know I owe you a birthday present." + +"Birthday present! I had forgotten there were such things in the +world. Thank you for reminding me, father. Such gifts, when they are +sincere, add sweetness to life. And it will be nice to have something +of yours here." + +The fire blazed up cheerfully. They sat a little while in silence. + +"When do you calculate you will get those debts paid off?" asked +Archibald at length. + +"Within three years, if all goes well," said Morgan. "I make a lot +extra sometimes, now. I did a little article for a magazine we print +and a little work for another journal. I am friendly with both +editors. Besides, my salary may improve. In fact, my hopes at starting +have been far exceeded." + +"And after that?" asked Archibald, looking at him with unconcealed +anxiety. It was evident it was a question he had been wanting to ask. +Morgan hesitated a moment, though his answer was ready. + +"After that I see no reason why I should not follow along the same +lines. I shall be on the high road to build up a career for myself, +and I have a feeling that I shall eventually branch off into +journalism, where all the knowledge and experience I shall have gained +will be of use to me." + +"Tell me, Morgan," said Archibald. "Have you abandoned your first +ambition entirely?" + +Morgan leaned forward towards the fire and rested his head on his +hands. For a moment he seemed lost in meditation, and then at last +spoke slowly. + +"There are times," he said, "when poetry still beats in my blood, when +melody comes to me hauntingly. Often, as I sit here brooding, there +surges up a full flood of I know not what, save that it is exquisitely +beautiful. And, as I walk through these long, grey streets, lined with +flaring market-stalls and massed thick with people, I seem to feel a +great throb, a living heart-beat, that speaks to me of humanity; and +what these bustling streets hold of humanness, of the warmth and +energy of life, comes to me like a flowing tide. The pain, too, I +feel; for there are odd, pathetic episodes. One catches sight of faces +pinched, starved, unrebellious, large-eyed children of six a-marketing +shrewdly with slender purses; and now and then a figure detaches +itself from the crowd and speaks a whole history. If there is much +pain and privation, much foulness and wickedness, there is also much +of the joy of life, of the ecstacy of overflowing animal spirits. +There are plague-spots, there are besotted critical jeerers at the +wayside with an aggressive sense of superiority to all unlike +themselves; there are half-grown lads and girls boisterously +foul-mouthed. But probe beneath the large, vigorous unrestraint, the +rollicking vagabondage of the streets, and you will find the +far-spread, steady--if colourless--respectability of the industrial +family. And at moments something grand, rugged, and passionate, a +roaring harmonic discord, seems to sweep though the reeking grime, +through the swarming boisterousness, through the magnificent +brutality, through the utterance of putrid tongues, through the grey, +lamp-lit atmospheres, as though man and his activities were but the +swirled symbols of a music played in high Heaven. And as I stand +listening, terrified yet thrilled, there seems to come a sudden lull; +and then I perceive a goodness showing through the rough-and-readiness, +sometimes blurred in the individual lives, sometimes inspired to a full +glow. Often its leaps and flickerings are irregular, inconsistent, +unpredictable. In the ruffian the spark is scarcely alive, but in some +rare moment it will quicken and show through tremblingly. + +"And all these perceptions to which I was blind before have wrought +their effect on me. They have fused into and strengthened the better +part of me. They make poetry in me, not such as I once wrote, but a +full-blooded, living poetry. You see, father, I have drawn inspiration +from all this reality. I have felt the true spirit of the universe in +this dense-packed encampment on the march of civilisation, this living +pattern in Time's kaleidoscope; the same spirit that lies behind the +green country and the sweet airs, behind a great idea, a noble deed, a +gracious woman. + +"And so I feel that I am fortified enough to defy all external +sordidness. The soiled lime-washed walls, the heavy grind of +machinery, and the tinged breath of the printing-house I am insensible +to; and with this result I am satisfied. I will not take up my harp +wherewith to gather harmonies from amid the discords of things, as I +feel it is in me to do. If such dream comes to me at times I know it +must remain a dream, for I must continue with my shoulder to the wheel +and do my full share of human labour!" + +He broke off. An almost sacred stillness followed his half-mused +speech, to which Archibald had listened with bent head. + +"Will you forgive me, dear Morgan, if I remind you of something?" said +the old man, breaking the long silence. "I feel you are the best judge +of your own life, and I do not mean to say a word that should make you +imagine I am trying to interfere with you. I only want to ask you not +to forget that we at home have claims upon you as well. We want to +have you near us a little, too. Your mother has been fretting about +you of late." + +"My mother!" said Morgan. "Is she aware of my existence? She never +cared about me." + +"But she cares about you now. Won't you come home to us when you are +through this--in three years' time, say?" pleaded the old man. "Your +end will have been achieved, you will feel sure of yourself by then. +And, to tell the truth, Morgan, I've set my heart on--your being a +great poet." + +Archibald looked down almost guiltily as he spoke. + +Morgan had a consciousness of the strange, complete reversion of the +position the years had brought about. + +"I could never, never consent not to live by my own labour," he said, +giving utterance to what, at the moment, he intensely felt to be the +one essential condition of existence for him. + +"Come now, surely we can get over that difficulty," said Archibald +eagerly. "I take it it is immaterial to you what work you do, so long +as it is of a kind in which you can employ your faculties. After all, +the principal point in your present occupation is the discipline it +affords and the habits of mind it is forming in you; all of which +could be employed in some other direction. It would simply be a matter +of your mastering a different set of facts for the different +employment, which you could do very quickly. Why not accept a +position in the bank? That would afford you an honorable livelihood, +and it would help you to be near us. Then perhaps some day, when you +feel you have lived down the old mistakes, you may be inspired to take +up your pen again. Mistakes! Why should they kill for ever the first +fresh ambition of your life? Mistakes! I made them, too, when I was +young. So has every man who is worth his salt. Of course, there's one +mistake you can't undo--you don't mind my alluding to it, Morgan. But +if you continue to face it as you are doing now--my God, Morgan! you +are suffering!" + +Archibald groaned heavily, then checked himself and put on as cheerful +a face as he could muster. + +"I meant to have proved to you," he continued, "that you scarcely take +a scientific--I had almost said an intelligent--view of your function +in life. The desire to live by your own labour is actuated by the very +proper feeling that you ought to be doing your duty in the social +organism. Your present work is equal to, say, three respectable pairs +of boots a week. That, you will admit, is a fair measure of your +utility. Now, if by becoming a great poet, you could give pleasure and +delight to thousands of your fellow-men, it seems to me your utility +would be fairly represented by quite a considerable number of pairs of +boots, and very respectable ones, too." + +"How it would have delighted me to hear you argue like that when I was +a boy," almost whispered Morgan. "Forgive me, father," he added +immediately. "I did not mean any reproach." + +"I admit my not arguing in that way at the time was one of my +mistakes. But I am sure you will yet be a great man. For the present, +however, I shall be content with your assurance that you'll come back +to the bank eventually. Gradually, perhaps, you'll fall thence into +the vocation you were born for." + +"I think I can promise so far as the bank is concerned," said Morgan, +slowly. + +"Thank you," said his father and bent down to warm his hands in the +flames, so that the light shone on his face. + +There was a silence. Scarcely a sound came to them here in this +lonely, bare garret. Morgan studied his father's face anxiously. How +silvery was the hair in places; and there were lines that had not been +there a year before. Both these signs seemed to accuse him louder than +any words. + +"Father," he cried, "let me come closer to you." + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +The next evening Morgan sat pretending to be reading a book, his feet +sedulously planted on a new Turkey rug, which struck a startling note +of colour and decoration amid the bleakness of the attic. At last he +closed the volume and let it fall wearily on his knee. The visit of +his father had tried him severely. He had been shaken by a storm of +emotion, and it had left him somewhat shattered. And now that +Archibald had departed, an aching sense of loneliness had come to him +such as only comes to the man who lives thus isolated. He had been +able to leave his work for an hour in the middle of the day, so that, +including his usual dinner interval, he had passed two hours in his +father's company and seen him to his train. The old man had been +miserable in town; he couldn't bear to be so near Morgan yet cut off +from him all day, and, since he was far from well and needed the +comforts of his own home, it was decided between them he should go at +once. + +At last Morgan threw down the book impatiently. He walked round the +room for a time, but could not rid himself of his restlessness. "My +soul is sick," he repeated again and again. "I need my friends." He +poked the fire and threw more coal on; he looked for awhile through +the panes of the window into the vague blackness of the March night. +And at last he bethought himself of getting ready his evening meal, +merely for the sake of concentrating himself on something. Just as he +was on the point of opening the cupboard, into which his father had +pried so jocularly, there came a timid tap at the door. + +"Come in!" he cried, not quite certain that there _was_ anybody there. + +As his invitation seemed to be complied with, he instinctively turned +his head to view his visitor, who stood just within the door smiling +at him. + +"What! Margaret!" he cried, as his head almost swam. + +She closed the door softly and advanced into the room. + +"I've just come to pay you a visit, Morgan," she said laughingly. +"Please say it was nice of me to come. What! Aren't you going to shake +hands with one of your oldest friends?" + +He was not quite sure that his brain hadn't given way, and that her +presence was not a mere manifestation of the fact. He had never been +able to trust himself sufficiently to go near the Medhursts. +Sedulously keeping to the London south of the river and to the +immediate vicinity of his work--save on his rare visits to Belgrave +Square--he had run but little risk of encountering any of them or, +indeed, any other acquaintances. He was aware the Medhursts knew he +was in London and employed by a large firm, but they had never been +told the exact details of his whereabouts. However, he found himself +shaking hands with Margaret but too bewildered to say anything. + +"What a strange expression in your face, Morgan! It seems to ask any +number of questions, but I can't make out whether it looks pleased or +angry. At least be polite enough to make me welcome. It's nice and +warm in here, so I think I'd better take my jacket off." + +"You don't give me time to recover my breath, Margaret. Of course, you +are more than welcome, but I am not good enough for you to visit. +Come, take a chair by the fire." + +"You not good enough! It is simply wicked of you to talk like that. +But why are you rubbing your eyes? I believe you think I'm a phantom." + +She removed her jacket and also her hat, instinctively throwing them, +as Archibald had done the evening before, across the trunk. Then she +smiled at him again in lovely reassurance that she was real flesh and +blood. She had on a soft woollen dress of that favourite silver-blue +in which she always looked her best. She wore a bunch of +forget-me-nots at her waist, and a little knot of the same flowers at +her throat was fastened with a small, lyre-shaped brooch, set with +pearls. There was just a touch of creamy lace at her wrists and +throat, and what dainty little tendrils of golden hair lay on her +forehead! + +"Your chair is very hard," she exclaimed, jumping up almost +immediately. "I think I'll sit on the bed instead." + +"You won't find that much better," he said, drawn into good humour by +her briskness, and charmed that so exquisite a presence should grace +his attic. + +"It's miles better," said Margaret. "But you still look puzzled. Isn't +your ingenuity equal to the task of guessing how I found you out?" + +"I don't know, unless Diana's old sweetheart paid you a visit +yesterday," he answered smiling, as he spread the new rug under her +feet. "But he certainly said nothing to me about it this afternoon +when I saw him off." + +"He was probably afraid to let you know he'd been weak enough to yield +to our blandishments. I had an idea you were living in a garret--the +garret always seems to put a sort of hall-mark on genius. It's a very +nice garret, too. I like mine better, though--it's a lump larger." + +If the pure pleasure of being near her began to predominate, it was +certainly not unaccompanied by the pain that was always with him +because of his vain love for her; so that his entire feeling was a +rather mixed and undecided one. He could not quite abandon himself to +gladness at her coming, and perhaps the very unexpectedness of it +aided this emotional embarrassment. + +"Have you been working much of late?" he asked, that being a natural +question to follow her reference to her studio. He was, indeed, +relieved that the conversation had got on so definite a tack and that +she had not alluded to his avoidance of her family or reproached him +for it. + +"I'm just doing a little group of greyhounds. I'm going to exhibit +them at the Academy. It's such a bother and such fun, too! I've got +over the worst part now. The big mother and two little ones playing at +the side of her make twelve legs and three tails--quite a forest of +them. I had no end of trouble to get a good composition. But the chief +bother was with the models. The dog would never keep still, and I had +to keep on moving my wax figure just as it moved. Sometimes it would +turn upside down, and then I had to turn my work upside down as well. +Do you know what I should like to do, Morgan?" + +"I don't, but I should like to." + +"I wonder if you'd let me make a bust of you! I want to very much." + +"Why?" he asked, without meaning that exactly, but only by way of +surprised exclamation. + +"Well," she smiled, "I just want to. I could have an old bench brought +up here and a lot of clay. If you sat to me, say, for a couple of +hours every Sunday morning, you'd begin to recognise yourself after a +time." + +He was powerless to refuse. With her speaking to him, he became as +passive as the clay she moulded. He knew her power; perhaps that was +why his instinct had led him to elude it. + +"That is really good of you, dear Morgan," she exclaimed, while her +eyes sparkled with honest delight. + +Time was, perhaps, when seeing her thus he might have taken her hand. + +"But don't look as if you already regretted making the promise," she +went on to protest. "I assure you it won't hurt a bit; not any more +than having your hair cut. By the way, why do you wear your hair so +short? Oughtn't a poet to have long, noble locks? They come out very +effectively in clay, those long, noble locks. I hope I'm not making +your bed too hard. Come now, Morgan, are you still so heavy-hearted? +What can I do to make you merry?" + +"Take supper with me," he responded quickly, with an atoning flash of +briskness, the while he upbraided himself for oppressing her with his +dejection. "It will be a real Bohemian supper." + +"How nice! I'm dying with hunger." + +"In here, I mean," he explained. "I make my own supper." + +"I know. We heard all about the inside of that cupboard." + +"You won't mind sitting on the hard chair?" + +"No. What's the menu?" + +"Bread and cheese and----" + +"Not beer, I hope," she interrupted hastily. + +"And cocoa," he finished. "Do you mind keeping house here for two +minutes whilst I run down to get the milk. We have a dairy two doors +away." + +He returned in a moment and she helped him to set out the table, for +which there was no cloth. + +"This chair _is_ hard," she said again later, when she had been seated +on it some little time. "I must send you a soft chair, Morgan. I +haven't given you a birthday present this year." + +"Indeed, you must not. Such luxuries are out of place here, and you +ought not to try to spoil me." + +"But, dear Morgan, you've a lovely rug, and I'm sure you ought to have +a nice chair to keep it company. You've your guests to think of now. I +must have something to sit on when I come and so must your papa. I'm +willing to admit my suggestion was not quite a disinterested one; in +fact, I'm prepared to be perfectly unscrupulous so long as I carry my +point." + +"I'd better yield before you get so far as that. Only, of course, the +chair shall be used exclusively for my visitors." + +"Oh, you must sit on it sometimes, as well." + +"Well, let us not quarrel about it." + +"Of course we're not going to quarrel about it. We're going to be the +best of friends now, aren't we?" + +"I never dared dream----" he began. + +"Dreaming hasn't anything to do with it. It really isn't at all +necessary, so the omission need not count. All along I've had the +feeling as if you were thrusting me back away from your life, and I +have always wanted to count for something in it, if ever so little. +Won't you let me now be of some help to you? It is wicked of you to +continue in this terrible solitude. I feel that you've promised to let +me come here and model you really against your will; don't deny it, +Morgan--your face spoke only too plainly. I should be standing here +and talking to you, but you would be as solitary as if I had never +come. I want to break down that stupid barrier between us; I want you +to believe in me, to trust me and to show me you trust me." + +"It is myself I dare not trust. Such a friendship needs strength, and +I am not strong enough, Margaret." + +"Then you must find the strength, Morgan. Weakness is an unmanly +excuse, and you are a man." + +"You talk like that because you still do not realise what it means for +me to--to----" + +He hesitated. + +"Go on," she said. "I am strong enough to listen." + +There was a silence, but she knew he was collecting his scattered +forces. + +"To be friends with you," he went on determinedly. "You say that I +kept you at arm's length. That is true. But then you don't know what +my life has been--you never did really know even when we were close +together." + +"Tell me then, Morgan. Make me understand why you kept me at arm's +length. I do not know how you came to marry so suddenly, what woman +you married, or why she left you. I want to know all about her. Tell +me, if it doesn't hurt you too much. Perhaps it will hurt you less +after you have told me." + +"I have kept you at arm's length, Margaret, because I loved you. I am +struggling now to keep you at arm's length because I still love you. +Dare you stay here and listen to me after that?" + +She looked him straight in the face. + +"I dare, Morgan. I want you to know me as well as to love me. If you +had understood me, you would neither have thrust me back nor would you +be struggling to do so now. You no doubt always considered me just a +pretty girl, who thought and acted always as becomes what it called a +young lady; a colourless, conventional creature, without any judgment +or emotions of her own; just a white sheet of paper with a name +written across in beautiful lettering; a simpering thing in petticoats +who must smile and blush just at the right moments and be perfectly +proper at all times; who must never act unless she has a fixed rule to +guide her; who is supposed to understand nothing at all of real life; +for whom human beings are reduced to a strange uniformity, the men in +their evening dress so simple, so nice, so attentive, so easy to +understand, the women--but then such a young person is not supposed to +concern herself with the women. That, I'm sure, is the sort of girl I +appeared to you, Morgan. I am sorry that, so far, I cannot take your +love for me as a compliment. You saw me as a painter might see a +model, and perhaps you enshrined my image as a sort of poetic fancy. +You loved me as an unreal spirit. But I am not what you thought me; I +am a real person. I can think and judge for myself, and I can be +myself. That is why I have had the courage to come here to you, and +had I known earlier where you were I should have forced this interview +on you long ago. And this despite the fact that you are married, that +you love me and that I--love you. I have the courage to face the +occasion, to outrage convention where convention makes no provision +for the needs of the particular occasion. I know that, despite all, we +can be very dear friends. Only trust me a little, Morgan, learn to +know me better, and I am sure you will trust me altogether. Make an +effort to be strong and perhaps I may help you." + +And so Morgan poured himself out to her, told her all; and, if at +times he faltered, she bade him go on, she would not blush. + +The recital was a long one. Interruptions and discussions were +frequent; they were also making pretence to sup. Neither remembered +the flight of time. + +"Of course, I have known the bare facts for a long time," said +Margaret, "but only in a very vague way and in a very puzzling one. +There was so much left to my imagination, and it bothered me so much +to fill up the blanks. And so you are working to pay off her debts. I +know it feels awfully nice to earn money for one's self. Do you know +that I'm quite rich. Guess how much I made last year by my modelling?" + +"How much?" he asked. + +"Eighty-seven pounds, after paying all my expenses," she exclaimed. "I +wanted to pay for my own frocks, but papa wouldn't let me. And so +I've got it all and I don't know what to do with it; at least I know +what I should like to do with it." + +"But surely papa wouldn't disapprove of your doing what you liked with +it?" + +"Oh, papa wouldn't disapprove," she said, colouring a little, "but I'm +afraid you would." + +"I? You're not intending to buy me a silver chair with jewels set in +it, are you?" + +"I thought you might pay some of those debts with the money and let me +be your creditor instead," she said hesitatingly. "Of course, you +would pay me back as you saved enough, just as you are doing now with +the others. And it would be a sort of symbol of the new footing on +which we start from to-day." + +"Dear Margaret," he said, "please don't try and press that on me. It +won't help me in the least, as you see yourself. Besides, what need +have we of a symbol? I want you to believe in the new footing just as +much without it. And then," he added, in a gayer note, "there is +another reason why I can't allow you to have such ideas. Heroines +always do that sort of thing, and it's quite too conventional for +you." + +She laughed and did not persist, though she had coloured still more. +And just then she bethought herself of the hour and drew forth her +tiny watch. + +"This is being wicked with a vengeance!" she exclaimed. "I really must +be going back." + +"You must let me come with you, else I shall be nervous all night and +my hair may be grey by the morning." + +"Part of the excitement of the adventure was to come alone and to go +alone. But as I can't have your hair turning grey----" + +"Do they know at home where you were going?" he asked, as he helped +her on with her jacket. + +"I didn't tell them, but I dare say they'll guess, and I mean to let +them know anyway. I'm going to leave you these," and she unfastened +the bunch of forget-me-nots and put them on the table. + +He saw her to her own door; it was long since he had set foot in +Wimpole street. She gave him a long comrade's hand-clasp, saying: "We +had a charming Bohemian supper. You have made me happier to-night than +I have been for years." + +He turned away as she rang the bell and he walked all the way back to +Southwark. Now that he had taken her into his life at last, he seemed +to have unburdened himself of some overwhelming weight. Margaret knew +everything at last, understood everything, and loved him through all. +His self-distrust had made him keep himself hidden from the Medhursts, +but she had helped him to find and know his own strength. She was +right. He was strong enough to accept her friendship. + +Though he would have to be at his desk at the usual hour in the +morning, he could not go to bed at once. The flowers she had left +seemed to fill the room with sweetness. And something of lightness and +fragrance seemed to remain with him, to be flitting here and there +with the silence of a phantom, to be hovering in the air, to be +bending over him, to be nestling close to him. Then, as he closed his +eyes dreamily, Margaret seemed to float before him. He was aware of +her eyes, her hair, her voice; he saw her just as she had sat there +with her face and hands showing exquisite against the silver-blue of +her dress, and the forget-me-nots at her throat and waist. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +In the autumn of the third year of Morgan's engagement with the Upper +Thames street firm of printers he found himself with enough money to +pay off the balance due to his one remaining creditor. There had been +a good deal of method displayed in the order in which he had enjoined +Helen to settle the debts, and this particular firm had been left to +the last because it had received a goodly sum in the first days when +Cleo was using up their ready money. + +It was Saturday, and he had just got away from the works. He had been +intending to take this last instalment to Helen that very afternoon; +but the idea came to him that he would rather enjoy the sensation of +making this last payment in person, and he proceeded immediately to +act on it. + +Arrived at the business place of the firm, he explained to a clerk +that he wished to clear off an old matter, and recalled the occasion +to him. The man looked surprised, and went to consult his principal. +An old ledger had to be looked up, and then Morgan was informed the +account had been settled very shortly after the closing of the +theatre. The principal now remembered the circumstances perfectly. A +cheque had come from a certain firm of solicitors in the West End, +much to his surprise. After some further searching the clerk was able +to tell Morgan who these solicitors were. + +This last piece of information simply corroborated what he had at once +suspected. Helen had carried out, without consulting him, the very +same suggestion that Margaret had once made to him, and was keeping +the sums he had been sending her from time to time. He understood, +though, that she must have done it mainly for the sake of the actors +and workpeople. + +He said nothing to her of his discovery when he called at Belgrave +Square a couple of hours later, but just handed her the money, which +she quietly placed in a drawer of her escritoire. + +"And now I have to congratulate you, Morgan," she said. "You have +shown the stuff you are made of. Tell me, how does it feel?" + +"I feel extraordinarily light-hearted," he admitted. + +"I'm sorry," she said, and looked it. + +He stared at her. + +"There is a story of a hungry peasant gorging himself on bread and +cheese, and, when he couldn't eat any more, they brought in the +stuffed geese and other delicacies." + +"Well?" + +"Stupid! the stuffed geese and other delicacies have yet to come in. +If the coarser part of the feast has made you so joyful, the rest will +be wasted on you to-day." + +"I feel more stupid than ever. Still, my capacities for storing away +joy are unlimited, and, what is more, I shall appreciate every crumb." + +"Very well." She took up a journal from the table near her. "Let me +read you this paragraph: 'In the course of the coming session an +extraordinary case will be reached in the Divorce Courts. The +petitioner is a lady of title belonging to one of the noblest and +oldest families in the kingdom, and the respondent is a well-known +novelist and dramatist. The parties were married barely three years +back and the wedding was much discussed at the time. It is rumoured +that facts of a strange and sensational character are likely to come +to light at the trial, and the occasion will not be the first one on +which the petitioner has figured in the same Court.'" + +She passed him the paper--it was a gossippy society weekly--and he +read the paragraph again. For a moment quick vague flashes seemed to +rise in his brain as from a vain attempt to strike a flint; then light +came to him. + +"Ingram and Cleo," he cried. "She went back to him!" + +"Precisely," smiled Helen. "You will remember my lamenting I could not +be the good fairy of your life, because things were already destined +to work themselves out for your happiness. You see now I was a true +prophet." + +But a sort of dizziness came to him on account of his stumbling +efforts to think, to trace the significance of things. + +"Don't faint, please. I'm only a helpless woman, and I'm sure I +couldn't rise to the occasion. Perhaps I've been too precipitate. I've +made you swallow the whole stuffed goose at once." + +"I'm not so sure that my personal life is going to be affected by it," +he began. + +"Stuff and nonsense!" she cried. "Your proceedings will be reduced to +the utmost simplicity. There will be no defence at all. I have been, +watching affairs patiently for three years now, and what has happened +was bound to come. Do you know who sent your Cleo those bank-notes she +had at Dover? Do you know where she went directly after leaving you? +There is a certain house in Hampstead you know quite well. It has a +room in it with a fountain, and really pretty hanging lamps, and +peacocks on the windows. Well, she immediately took repossession of +it. And very glad her rightful lord and master was to have her back +again! The distraction of his affections by the engrossing interest of +ambitious matrimonial schemes had been only temporary. As for his +wife--well, about the living one should be silent unless one has +something nice to say. Therefore I'll say nothing about her. Before +long, Morgan, you'll be a free man, and a certain chapter of your life +will be erased. Fox & Kraft are an excellent firm of solicitors--almost +a pity to employ such steam-hammers to crack such a very simple nut." + +"You are going along much too fast, Helen. You know I am leaving Upper +Thames street next week; it is an old promise made to my father. I +must consult him first. Of course, I shall be glad to have this +meaningless tie that binds me to Cleo cut right through, and for ever. +But I do not care to let my happiness rest on such a basis. Margaret +and I shall remain friends and nothing more." + +"Stuff and nonsense!" she cried again. "Your father is too wise a man +not to agree with me. And so I am quite content you shall abide by his +counsel. Otherwise I'd have to force you into happiness even if I had +to do it by threatening suicide, and you know my threats are not idle +ones." + +"I shall be guided by my father," he conceded. "But don't overwhelm me +so much, please. My emotions at this moment are much too complex for +my understanding." + +"Then let me give you some tea. It will put all your notions--and your +emotions--in order." + +The tea certainly did soothe him. He had never known that the beverage +could be so delicious. + +"How did you find out about Ingram and Cleo?" he asked suddenly. + +"Oh, that was very easy. The moment I heard she had bank-notes I had a +very strong suspicion of the truth. As I was eager to learn whether I +could be your good fairy, I had that house watched. When my suspicions +were corroborated I waltzed round my room sixteen times, and, you may +be sure, I was determined never to lose sight of your Cleo for a +moment. But my task was not a difficult one. That delightful room +seems to have been as fatal to her imagination as she was to yours. +She made some desperate attempts to leave it; twice she crossed to +America and made obscure appearances on the boards, and once she +sojourned in Paris for several months. But all in vain--she _had_ to +go back and sit on her gilded couch. Do you know, I rather like her; +after all, she has never tried to turn to account her connection with +you, Morgan. She's no mere vulgar adventuress. There's something +really taking about her. But I'd like to slap her sisters. When do you +leave for the country?" + +"A fortnight hence, I hope," said Morgan. "But I am rather vague about +what immediately is going to follow. In a general way it is understood +that I am to work in the bank, which is precisely what I refused to +do thirteen years ago." + +"Thirteen years! That is a good stretch out of a life," said Helen, +with a half sigh, "Time flies. I scarcely realise that I am thirty-six +already. And the years seem to bring nothing but perplexity and +embarrassment at the increase of my fortune. It is perfectly +meaningless and absurd to me, this monstrous fortune. I feel I haven't +any right to it; though, as I derive no happiness from it, that +feeling ought not to give me very much concern. Happiness depends on +one's personal relations with others--a few others, that is--and +though I shake hands with a vast crowd, I have no close personal +relations; not, at least, in the sense in which I understand the +phrase. A sort of subtle fusion must accompany. I should have +preferred to leave my fortune to you, Morgan, but I knew you wouldn't +like to benefit by my death, so I have disposed of it otherwise." + +He looked hard at her. + +"Why this sudden lugubriousness?" he asked. + +"Well," she said enigmatically, and the enigma was repeated in the +accompanying shrug of her shoulders. + +He seemed, however, to pierce beyond the smiling placidity of her +expression, and to be aware of something that chilled him, of +something that seemed to say: "There are such things as broken +hearts." + +"You've never had the life you deserved to have, Helen," he cried. + +"There have been those who have envied me. My biography would read +like a record of every earthly happiness. I am the daughter of a rich +country gentleman with whom I have always been on the best of terms, +only agriculture bores me rather. I was presented to my sovereign at +seventeen. I danced and rode and flirted and was supposed to be having +a good time, and a Baronet thought he fell in love with me, and did +really marry me. I have always had a big house, a big income, a +position in society. What more can a woman want? Well, all these +things do not constitute the personal life. The remembrance of the +whole course of my personal life is a vivid one to me, and it seems to +have run through all these things like a thin thread of silver through +a mass of stuff. Looking back, this swirl of the social world, its +functions, its movements, the acquaintanceships it brought me, seem to +me all strangely unreal. I seem to be aware of a large, swarming +vision, amid which I have lived. But nothing of it has ever in-mingled +with my real sense of happiness or misery. Fortune, society--these are +not the essentials. The essentials are the same for all ranks, and it +is on those that personal happiness depends. Up to the age of +twenty-five even a clever girl may delude herself into thinking that +the hearty fun and enjoyment she may be extracting from her +circumstances and her position in the world are really what make +happiness, but if she have real brains, a clear vision and quick +sympathies, she will inevitably stifle in her atmosphere of mere +pleasure. She will not continue to set store on her material +advantages, on the stage accessories by which she may be surrounded. +She will long for something else--and most often not get it. If I had +only been penniless and had loved and married a man who had all his +fighting to do yet! I should have lived beside him, conscious of being +helpful, of being valued for what my companionship meant to him, with +a sense of my dignity and worth as a human being. Instead, I was born +rich, I married a man who had no fighting to do, and so I was a mere +mate to him. I was but a child and there was no one to warn me. +Everybody about me was stupid, enslaved to ideas that are rotten at +the core! We dangle baubles before our children and poison the fresh, +pure fount of humanity. Thus it is I have been a waste and useless +force in the world. If it had only been decreed to me to have children +of my own, I feel sure I should have been a better woman than I am." + +Her voice died away in a strange sweet murmur. In her face there came +a look as of holy meditation; her eyes shone with a light of yearning. + +"I am tired of England," she resumed in a moment. "I shall be going +away before long. I want to find some secluded spot near a lovely +Italian lake, where I may stay and rest indefinitely. Perhaps for +years, for I am very tired. I shall wait till I see your happiness +completed, Morgan, even though this may be our last meeting. Till then +I dare not go; you are not to be trusted to take the happiness that is +within your grasp. You know I claim to be a connoisseur of women, and +I am perfectly satisfied that you shall marry your Margaret. That is +the highest compliment I could pay her. There is that indefinable, +unseizable something in her face which reveals the whole personality, +and it won me immediately. We have met three or four times now, but, +of course, I do not figure sufficiently in her consciousness that she +should mention me specially to you. One thing I am grateful to you +for, that you are respecting my wish that she should not know we have +ever been friends. After all, I am only a sort of imaginary figure to +whom you come and talk, and I haven't really counted in your life. You +know I have a weakness for mysticism, and I like to think of myself as +a sort of phantom that just accompanied you on your way a little and +perhaps helped you a little at a critical moment and then disappeared. +So promise me Margaret shall never, never know." + +"She knows everything but that," he replied. "It hurts me to make the +promise, but I understand why you wish me to. Besides, I must look on +this one reservation from her as the penalty--the lingering symbol of +the past. But there is now one thing I should like to mention, Helen, +and that is, I want to recur to that money, the five hundred pounds I +borrowed of you. You see I have tasted blood." + +"When you feel you can spare the money, dear Morgan, I should wish you +to do some good work with it. Seek out those who may need it--a +struggling student, a starving poet, a brave orphaned boy or girl +toiling to support the younger children. Save some human being from +despair, and restore his faith and hope. That is the best repayment +you could make me. And now there is one thing I should like to ask +you. Do you think----" + +She hesitated. His look bade her continue. + +"Well," she continued, smiling a little. "I was going to ask you to +kiss me--a real kiss--if you thought your Margaret could spare me one. +You have never given me a real kiss, Morgan, and it would be for the +last time." + +She looked down almost demurely. For sole reply he took her in his +arms and their lips came together. Gently she disengaged herself at +length; and, as the hot tears fell from his eyes, he felt impelled to +fall on his knees and cover his face with his hands. + +When he looked up again he was alone in the room. His sobs broke forth +afresh as he divined why she had left him. + +A moment later he stole from the house. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +The bell rang again and the passengers' gangway was hauled up on to +the pier. Morgan leaned against the deck-rail and looked westwards +towards a point where the Dover cliff rose highest and then swept +round. It was at that spot had begun the new ordering of his life +which had at last culminated in the great happiness of to-day. + +On a deck-chair close by his elbow sat Margaret. As he shifted his +position a little his eye caught sight of a dainty ear and a soft +cheek, gleaming exquisite through her veil against the golden brown of +her large velvet hat and of the stretch of velvet mantle. + +"Morgan, dear," she said, pulling him playfully by the sleeve, "brides +are supposed to be too excited to eat on their wedding day. So I was +when I woke up, and I didn't eat any breakfast. And now the fresh air +makes me as hungry as a hunter. Do get me something nice, please." + +When he came back, the mails and luggage had been got on board. The +water began to seethe and foam away from the paddle-wheels, and, with +a pleasant hoot, the boat steamed away. And then, as Morgan leaned +against the side, he fell a-musing on many things, all woven in a web +of wonder at his happiness. Different parts of his life flashed at +him, all out of order and irrelevantly. How near, too, had he just +passed to the Ketterings! Cleo's father rose before him again with +his greying hair and his good face, bent, aproned, and in corduroys, +just as he was wont to stand in the Dover workshop. He remembered the +kindly invitation the old man had given him when they parted, and he +felt touched as he now called to mind the letter he had received from +him on his ceasing to be his son-in-law. "I am glad to know you are +free from her, and hope you won't think me an unnatural father; but +she never tried to win my affections, whereas you won them without +trying. I do hope that at no distant day you will marry a true lady, +who will make up to you for the past. I know what you must have +suffered." + +He had been concerned about Cleo, and had so overflowed with pity for +her that he had scarce had the strength to take the step that had made +his happiness possible. But he knew that she was quite well and happy, +living at the same house where he had first seen her, and that it had +been perfectly indifferent to her whether she were tied to him or not. + +And now his old fancy came to him again that he could trace a distinct +unity in his life, as though it had been moulded by a guiding Power. +As Helen had said, the inner spring of his life had been its own good +fairy. + +And as he looked at Margaret again, the dream that had sometimes come +to him did not now seem so unrealisable as it had in the old days when +he had been cut off from her. The burning of his old manuscripts had +marked his sense that his ambition was utterly dead. But he had never +regretted the burning. And now he even rejoiced at it. For, by toil +and discipline and facing the fulness of the living world, he had +attained to a clear sanity, to a just sense of values; the romantic +blur of his early poetic vision clarifying into the strong +definiteness of the Real. Assuredly he could now no longer write those +nebulous, elusive word-harmonies. Nor for him the mere aesthetic +toying, the dainty piece of colour-work; but poetry that should throb +with vitality and humanness. From dream poetry he had passed to dream +life. Now that he had won his way to true life, was he not, too, to +win his way to true song? + +To be a voice whose enchantment should echo down the ages, whose +never-dying melody should accompany the generations on their toilsome +way, ever fresh, ever sweet for human hearts! + +So did he dare to aspire again, and in his fancy it was Margaret's +spirit that floated on and on for ever, her fragrance immanent in the +songs he should sing! + +The sea was radiant with sunlight. A soft wind breathed in his face. +The dwindling town nestled lazily in its valley, and the line of white +cliffs stretched on either hand. And as Margaret's voice spoke to him +again, something of her sweetness seemed to rise and rest on the +spring world. + + +THE END. + + + + + THIS LIST EMBRACES NEARLY + + FIVE HUNDRED AMERICAN COPYRIGHT BOOKS, + + _BY THE BEST AND MOST POPULAR AUTHORS._ + + All handsomely bound in cloth, with gilt backs, suitable for + libraries. + + _The Publishers, on receipt of price, will send any book on this + Catalogue by mail, postage free._ + + G.W. DILLINGHAM CO., Publishers, + + 33 WEST 23d STREET NEW YORK. + + + + Mary J. Holmes' Novels. + + "Mrs. Holmes' stories are universally read. Her admirers are + numberless. She is in many respects without a rival in the world of + fiction. 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Following until the close of the war the fortunes of Stuart, + Ashby, Jackson, and Lee, he returned to "Eagle's Nest," his old home, + where, in the quiet of peace, he wrote volume after volume, intense in + dramatic interest." + + Surry of Eagle's Nest $1 50 + Fairfax 1 50 + Hilt to Hilt 1 50 + Beatrice Hallam 1 50 + Leather and Silk 1 50 + Miss Bonnybel 1 50 + Out of the Foam 1 50 + Hammer and Rapier 1 50 + Mohun 1 50 + Captain Ralph 1 50 + Col. Ross of Piedmont 1 50 + Robert E. Lee 1 50 + Stonewall Jackson 1 50 + Her Majesty the Queen 1 50 + + + + A. S. Roe's Novels. + + "There is no writer of the present day who excels A. S. Roe, in his + particular line of fiction. He is distinguished by his fidelity to + nature, his freedom from affectation, his sympathy with the interests + of everyday existence and his depth and sincerity of feeling. 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