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diff --git a/29228-h/29228-h.htm b/29228-h/29228-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6560e86 --- /dev/null +++ b/29228-h/29228-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3762 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Contrast, by Royall Tyler. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + + h1,h2,h3,h4 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; +} + + +table { + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; +} + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + margin:0em; + padding:0em; + text-indent:0em; + font-style:normal; + font-variant: normal; + font-size:1em; +} /* page numbers */ + +.blockquot { + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps; font-style:normal;} + +.caption {font-weight: bold;} + +/* Images */ +.figcenter { + margin: auto; + text-align: center; +} + +/* Footnotes */ +.footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + +.footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + +.footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + +.fnanchor { + vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: + none; +} + +/* Poetry */ +.poem { + margin-left:50%; + margin-right:10%; + text-align: left; +} + +.poem br {display: none;} + +.poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em -10em;} + +.poem span.i0 { + display: block; + margin-left: 0em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.i2 { + display: block; + margin-left: 2em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.i4 { + display: block; + margin-left: 4em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.tnote {width: 25em; + border: 1px dashed #808080; + background-color: #f6f6f6; + text-align: justify; + padding: 0.5em; + margin: 6em auto 6em auto;} +.gap2 {margin-top:2em;} +.gap3 {margin-top:3em;} +.hangindent {margin-left:3em;text-indent:-3em;} +.befstagedir {float:left;width:auto;margin-top:0em; margin-bottom:0em;} +.stagedir {text-align:right;clear:none;} +.padded {padding-left:1em; padding-right:1em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Contrast, by Royall Tyler + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Contrast + +Author: Royall Tyler + +Editor: Montrose J. Moses + +Release Date: June 26, 2009 [EBook #29228] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CONTRAST *** + + + + +Produced by David Starner, Brownfox and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="tnote"><p class="center"><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></p> +<p>This e-book contains the text of <i>The Contrast</i>, extracted from +<b>Representative Plays by American Dramatists: Vol 1, 1765-1819</b>. Comments and +background to all the plays, and links to the other plays are available +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/files/nnnn0/nnnn0-h/nnnn0-h.htm">here</a>.</p> +<p>For your convenience, the transcribers have provided the following links:</p> +<p class="center"> +<a href="#ROYALL_TYLER"><b>ROYALL TYLER</b></a><br /> +<a href="#ADVERTISEMENT"><b>ADVERTISEMENT</b></a><br /> +<a href="#PROLOGUE"><b>PROLOGUE</b></a><br /> +<a href="#CHARACTERS"><b>CHARACTERS</b></a><br /> +<a href="#ACT_I"><b>ACT I.</b></a><br /> +<a href="#ACT_II"><b>ACT II.</b></a><br /> +<a href="#ACT_III"><b>ACT III.</b></a><br /> +<a href="#ACT_IV"><b>ACT IV.</b></a><br /> +<a href="#ACT_V"><b>ACT V.</b></a><br /> +</p> +<p>Spelling as in the original has been preserved.</p> +</div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_426" id="Page_426">[Pg 426]</a></span></p> + +<h1>THE CONTRAST</h1> +<h3><i>By</i></h3> +<h2><span class="smcap">Royall Tyler</span></h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_427" id="Page_427">[Pg 427]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 513px;"> +<img src="images/image_427.png" width="513" height="522" alt="Royall Tyler" title="Royall Tyler" /> +<span class="caption smcap">Royall Tyler</span> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_428" id="Page_428">[Pg 428]</a></span></p> + + +<h2 class="gap3"><a name="ROYALL_TYLER" id="ROYALL_TYLER"></a>ROYALL TYLER</h2> + +<h4>(1757-1826)</h4> + + +<p>William Dunlap is considered the father of the American +Theatre, and anyone who reads his history of the American +Theatre will see how firmly founded are his claims to this title. +But the first American play to be written by a native, and to +gain the distinction of anything like a "run" is "The Contrast,"<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> +by Royall Tyler. Unfortunately for us, the three hundred page +manuscript of Tyler's "Life," which is in possession of one of +his descendants, has never been published. Were that document +available, it would throw much valuable light on the social +history of New England. For Tyler was deep-dyed in New +England traditions, and, strange to say, his playwriting began as +a reaction against a Puritanical attitude toward the theatre.</p> + +<p>When Tyler came to New York on a very momentous occasion, +as an official in the suppression of Shays's Rebellion, he had little +thought of ever putting his pen to paper as a playwright, although +he was noted from earliest days as a man of literary ambition, his +tongue being sharp in its wit, and his disposition being brilliant +in the parlour. It was while in what was even then considered +to be the very gay and wicked city of New York, that Royall +Tyler went to the theatre for the first time, and, on that auspicious +occasion, witnessed Sheridan's "The School for Scandal." +We can imagine what the brilliancy of that moment must have +been to the parched New England soul of our first American +dramatist.</p> + +<p>Two days afterwards, inspiration began to burn, and he dashed +off, in a period of a few weeks, the comedy called "The Contrast," +not so great a "contrast," however, that the literary student +would fail to recognize "The School for Scandal" as its chief +inspiration.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_429" id="Page_429">[Pg 429]</a></span></p> +<p>Our young dramatist, whose original name, William Clark +Tyler, was changed, by act of Court, to Royall, was born in +Boston on July 18, 1757, near the historic ground of Faneuil +Hall. His father was one of the King's Councillors, and figured +in the Stamp Act controversy. From him, young Tyler inherited +much of his ability. The family was wealthy and influential. +Naturally, the father being a graduate of Harvard, his son likewise +went to that institution. His early boyhood, when he was +at the grammar school, was passed amidst the tumult of the +Stamp Act, and the quartering of troops in Boston. When he +entered Harvard as a freshman, on July 15, 1772, three days +before he was fifteen years old, he was thoroughly accustomed +to the strenuous atmosphere of the coming Revolution.</p> + +<p>There were many students in his class, who afterwards won +distinction as chief justices, governors and United States senators, +but at that time none of them were so sedate as to ignore the +usual pranks of the college boy. Tyler's temperament is well +exhibited by the fact that he was one of the foremost instigators +in a fishing party from his room window, when the students +hooked the wig of the reverend president from his head one +morning as that potentate was going to chapel.</p> + +<p>Tyler graduated with a B.A. degree from Harvard in July, +1776, the Valedictorian of his class; and was similarly honoured +with a B.A. by Yale (1776). Three years after, he received an +M.A. from Harvard and, in later life (1811), from the University +of Vermont. He read law for three years with the Hon. Francis +Dana, of Cambridge, and the Hon. Benjamin Hichbourne, of +Boston, during that time being a member of a club which used to +meet at the rooms of Colonel John Trumbull, well known to all +students as a soldier and painter. Unfortunate for us that the +life-size canvas of Royall Tyler, painted by Trumbull, was destroyed +by fire. We are assured by Trumbull, in his "Reminiscences," +that during those long evenings, they "regaled themselves +with a cup of tea instead of wine, and discussed subjects +of literature, politics and war." In 1778, Tyler found himself +by the side of Trumbull, fighting against the British and serving +a short while under General Sullivan.</p> + +<p>In 1779, he was admitted to the bar, and there followed a long +succession of activities, in which he moved from place to place, +finally associating himself definitely with the early history of +Vermont, and Brattleboro in particular.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_430" id="Page_430">[Pg 430]</a></span></p> + +<p>There is much interesting data in existence relating to Royall +Tyler's literary activities, as a writer of witty articles, sprightly +verse and autobiographical experiences—in a style which, while +lacking in distinction, is none the less a measure of the sprightliness +of the author's disposition. It is not my purpose to enter +into a discussion of anything but Royall Tyler as the author of +"The Contrast." He wrote several other plays besides,<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> one +dealing with the wild-cat land speculation in Georgia. But +the play under discussion is fully representative of his dramatic +ability, an ability which would scarcely be worthy of too much +commendation were it not for the fact that Tyler may be regarded +as the creator of the Yankee type in American drama.</p> + +<p>In 1787, Shays's Rebellion brought Tyler once more under the +command of Major-General Benjamin Lincoln, with whom he +had served in the Revolutionary War. As an aide, he was +required to go into the State of New York, and arrange for the +pursuit and capture of Shays. It was, as I have said, while on +this mission in New York City that he went to the theatre for +the first time. He witnessed Sheridan's "The School for Scandal," +and in the audience on the occasion there very probably +sat George Washington. The latter was a constant frequenter +of the little John Street Theatre, where Wignell was the chief +comedian. Apart from <i>Jonathan's</i> description of this "Colonial" +Playhouse, as it looked after the Revolution, we have Seilhamer's +impression (i, 212), as follows:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"... the theatre in John Street ... for a quarter of a century +was to New York what the Southwark Theatre was to Philadelphia. +Both houses were alike in appearance, but the New York +Theatre stood back about sixty feet from the street, with a covered +way of rough wooden materials from the sidewalk to the doors. It +was principally of wood and was painted red. It had two rows of +boxes, and a pit and gallery, the capacity of the house when full +being about eight hundred dollars. The stage was sufficiently large +for all the requirements of that theatrical era, and the dressing-rooms +and green room were in a shed adjacent to the theatre."</p></div> + +<p>This was, it seems, the first time Tyler had ever left New +England. His manuscript was finished in three weeks, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_431" id="Page_431">[Pg 431]</a></span> +shortly after handed over to the American Company for production. +So loath was he to have his name connected with it, +that, when he gave the manuscript to Wignell, he consigned also +to that actor the copyright, with the instruction that, when the +play was published, on the title-page, the piece should be credited +to the authorship of "a citizen of the United States." Of all the +productions which came from his pen, the very prosaic and +doubtfully authoritative Vermont Law Reports is the only +publication bearing his name on the title-page.</p> + +<p>"The Contrast" was produced on April 16, 1787, at the John +Street Theatre, in New York, by the American Company, the +original cast including Mr. Henry and Mr. Hallam as the rival +lovers, and Mr. Wignell in the part of <i>Jonathan</i>, the first stage +Yankee. Anyone who has read the play will quite understand +why it is that the honours so easily fell to Mr. Wignell rather than +to Mr. Henry or to Mr. Hallam, and it is no surprise, therefore, +to find, after the initial performance, that jealousy began to +manifest itself between these three gentlemen,—so much so, +indeed, that, when the time arrived for the Company to go to +Philadelphia, in December, 1787, Mr. Wignell was unable to +present "The Contrast" in the theatre, and had to content +himself with a reading, because it was "impracticable at this +time to entertain the public with a dramatic representation." +The Notice continued: Mr. Wignell, "in compliance with the +wishes of many respectable citizens of Philadelphia, proposes to +read that celebrated performance at the City Tavern on Monday +evening, the 10th inst. The curiosity which has everywhere +been expressed respecting this first dramatic production of +American genius, and the pleasure which it has already afforded +in the theatres of New York and Maryland, persuade Mr. Wignell +that his excuses on this occasion will be acceptable to the public +and that even in so imperfect a dress, the intrinsic merit of the +comedy will contribute to the amusement and command the +approbation of the audience." Of Wignell and his associates, +an excellent impression may be had from a first hand description +by W. B. Wood, in his "Personal Recollections."</p> + +<p>Whether the intrinsic merits of the play would contribute to the +amusement of audiences to-day is to be doubted, although it is +a striking dramatic curio. The play in the reading is scarcely +exciting. It is surprisingly devoid of situation. Its chief characteristic +is "talk," but that talk, reflective in its spirit of "The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_432" id="Page_432">[Pg 432]</a></span> +School for Scandal," is interesting to the social student. When +the ladies discuss the manners of the times and the fashions of +the day, they discuss them in terms of the Battery, in New York, +but in the spirit of London. The only native product, as I have +said, is <i>Jonathan</i>, and his surprise over the play-house, into +which he is inveigled, measures the surprise which must have +overwhelmed the staid New England conscience of Royall Tyler, +when he found himself actually in that den of iniquity,—the +theatre. For the first time in the American Drama, we get New +England dialogue and some attempt at American characterization. +Wignell, being himself a character actor of much ability, +and the son of a player who had been a member of Garrick's +Company in London, it is small wonder that he should have +painted the stage Yankee in an agreeable and entertaining and +novel manner.</p> + +<p>But, undoubtedly, the only interest that could attach itself to +this comedy for the theatre-going audience of to-day would be in +its presentment according to the customs and manners of the +time. In fact, one would be very much entertained were it +possible to make <i>Letitia</i> and <i>Charlotte</i> discuss their social schemes +and ambitions in a parlour which reflected the atmosphere of +New York in 1787. As a matter of fact, however, the audience +that crowded into the little John Street Theatre, on the opening +night of "The Contrast," was treated to an interior room, which +was more closely akin to a London drawing-room than to a +parlour in Manhattan. According to the very badly drawn +frontispiece, which Wignell used in the printed edition of the +play, and which William Dunlap executed, we see a very poor +imitation of the customs, costumes, and situations which Tyler +intended to suggest.</p> + +<p>Indeed, we wonder whether Dunlap, when he drew this picture, +did not have a little malice in his heart; for there is no doubt +that he showed jealousy over the success of "The Contrast," when, +after a three years' stay in London, under the tutelage of +Benjamin West, he returned to America to find "The Contrast" +the talk of the town. Both he and Seilhamer who, however +prejudiced they may be in some of their judgments and in some +of their dates, are nevertheless the authorities for the early history +of the American Theatre, try their best to take away from +the credit due Tyler as an American dramatist. They both +contend that "The Contrast," though it was repeated several<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_433" id="Page_433">[Pg 433]</a></span> +times in succession—and this repetition of a native drama before +audiences more accustomed to the English product must have +been a sign of its acceptance,—was scarcely what they would +consider a success. As evidence, Seilhamer claims that, just as +soon as Royall Tyler handed over the copyright of his play to +Wignell, the latter advertised the printed edition whenever the +subscribers' list was sufficiently large to warrant the publication. +It was not, however, until several years after this advertisement, +that the play was actually published, the subscribers being +headed by the name of President George Washington, and including +many of Washington's first cabinet, four signers of the +Declaration of Independence, and several Revolutionary soldiers. +According to Seilhamer, the American dramatists of those days +were very eager to follow the work of their contemporary craftsmen, +and, in the list of subscribers, we find the names of Dunlap, +Peter Markoe, who wrote "The Patriot Chief" (1783), Samuel +Low, author of "The Politician Out-witted" (1789), and Colonel +David Humphreys, who translated from the French "The Widow +of Malabar; or, The Tyranny of Custom" (1790).</p> + +<p>We are told by some authorities that Royall Tyler was on +friendly terms with the actors of this period, a fact accentuated +all the more because his brother, Col. John S. Tyler, had become +manager of the Boston Theatre. In many ways he was a great +innovator, if, on one hand, he broke through the New England +prejudices against the theatre, and if, on the other hand, during +his long career as lawyer and as judge of the Supreme Court of +Vermont, he broke through the traditional manner of conducting +trials, as is evidenced by many human, amusing anecdotes, +illustrative of his wit and quick repartee. He was married to +Mary Palmer, in 1794, and brought up a family of eleven children, +a number of whom won distinction in the ministry, but none of +whom followed their father's taste for playwriting. He mingled +with the most intellectual society of the time, being on intimate +terms with the Adams family, the Quincys and Cranchs, and +identifying himself very closely with the literary history of the +country.</p> + +<p>In a record of New England periodicals, his name will figure +constantly as contributing editor. We have letters of his, +descriptive of his home life in Brattleboro, Vermont, filled with +a kindly benevolence and with a keen sense of humour. It was +there that he died on August 16, 1826. But, all told, we fear that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_434" id="Page_434">[Pg 434]</a></span> +even though Royall Tyler has the distinction of being one of the +first American dramatists, he came into the theatre purely by +accident. "The Contrast" is not, strictly speaking, a very +dramatic representation.</p> + +<p>When, in June, 1912, Brattleboro celebrated its local history +with a pageant, a production of "The Contrast" was rehearsed +and given in a little hall, fitted up to represent the old John +Street Theatre. A scene from the play was given at an American +Drama Matinée, produced by the American Drama Committee +of the Drama League of America, New York Centre, on January +22 and 23, 1917,—the conversation between <i>Jonathan</i> and +<i>Jenny</i>. In Philadelphia, under the auspices of the Drama League +Centre, and in coöperation with the University of Pennsylvania, +the play, in its entirety, was presented on January 18, 1917, by +the "Plays and Players" organization. A revival was also given +in Boston, produced in the old manner, "and the first rows of +seats were reserved for those of the audience who appeared in the +costume of the time."</p> + +<p>The play in its first edition is rare, but, in 1887, it was reprinted +by the Dunlap Society. The general reader is given an opportunity +of judging how far <i>Jonathan</i> is the typical Yankee, and +how far Royall Tyler cut the pattern which later was followed +by other playwrights in a long series of American dramas, in +which the Yankee was the chief attraction.<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_435" id="Page_435">[Pg 435]</a></span></p> +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> The/Contrast,/a/Comedy;/In Five Acts:/Written By a/Citizen of the United +States;/Performed with Applause at the Theatres in New-York,/Philadelphia, and +Maryland;/and published (under an Assignment of the Copy-Right) by/Thomas +Wignell./<i>Primus ego in patriam/Aonio—deduxi vertice Musas</i>./Virgil./(Imitated.)/ +First on our shores I try Thalia's powers,/And bid the <i>laughing, useful</i> Maid be +ours./Philadelphia:/From the Press of Prichard & Hall, in Market Street:/Between +Second and Front Streets./M. DCC. XC. [See Frontispiece.]</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> For example, "The Duelists," a Farce in three acts; "The Georgia Spec; or, +Land in the Moon" (1797); "The Doctor in Spite of Himself," an imitation of +Molière; and "Baritaria; or, The Governor of a Day," being adventures of Sancho +Panza. He also wrote a libretto, "May-day in Town; or, New York in an Uproar." +(See Sonneck: "Early Opera in America.")</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> The song which occurs in the play under the title, "Alknomook," had great +popularity in the eighteenth century. Its authorship was attributed to Philip +Freneau, in whose collected poems it does not appear. It is also credited to a Mrs. +Hunter, and is contained in her volume of verse, published in 1806. It appears +likewise in a Dublin play of 1740, "New Spain; or, Love in Mexico." See also, the +<i>American Museum</i>, vol. I, page 77. The singing of "Yankee Doodle" is likewise +to be noted (See Sonneck's interesting essay on the origin of "Yankee Doodle," +General Bibliography), not the first time it appears in early American Drama, as +readers of Barton's "Disappointment" (1767) will recognize.</p></div> +</div> + +<div class="figcenter gap2" style="width: 410px;"> +<img src="images/image_435.png" width="410" height="662" alt="THE CONTRAST, (BEING THE FIRST ESSAY OF AMERICAN GENIUS IN THE DRAMATIC ART)" title="" /> +<span class="caption"><span class="smcap">Dedication Page in the First Edition of "The Contrast"</span></span> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_436" id="Page_436">[Pg 436]</a></span></p> + + + +<h2 class="gap3"><a name="ADVERTISEMENT" id="ADVERTISEMENT"></a>ADVERTISEMENT</h2> + + +<p>The Subscribers (to whom the Editor thankfully professes his +obligations) may reasonably expect an apology for the delay +which has attended the appearance of "The Contrast;" but, as +the true cause cannot be declared without leading to a discussion, +which the Editor wishes to avoid, he hopes that the care and +expence which have been bestowed upon this work will be +accepted, without further scrutiny, as an atonement for his +seeming negligence.</p> + +<p>In justice to the Author, however, it may be proper to observe +that this Comedy has many claims to the public indulgence, +independent of its intrinsic merits: It is the first essay of American +genius in a difficult species of composition; it was written +by one who never critically studied the rules of the drama, and, +indeed, had seen but few of the exhibitions of the stage; it was +undertaken and finished in the course of three weeks; and the +profits of one night's performance were appropriated to the +benefit of the sufferers by the fire at <i>Boston</i>.</p> + +<p>These considerations will, therefore, it is hoped, supply in the +closet the advantages that are derived from representation, and +dispose the reader to join in the applause which has been bestowed +on this Comedy by numerous and judicious audiences, +in the Theatres of <i>Philadelphia</i>, <i>New-York</i>, and <i>Maryland</i>.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_437" id="Page_437">[Pg 437]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h2 class="gap3"><a name="PROLOGUE" id="PROLOGUE"></a>PROLOGUE</h2> + +<p class="center"><i>Written by a young gentleman of New-York, and spoken +by Mr. Wignell.</i></p> + + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">Exult, each patriot heart!—this night is shewn<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A piece, which we may fairly call our own;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Where the proud titles of "My Lord! Your Grace!"<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To humble <i>Mr.</i> and plain <i>Sir</i> give place.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our Author pictures not from foreign climes<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The fashions or the follies of the times;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But has confin'd the subject of his work<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To the gay scenes—the circles of New-York.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">On native themes his Muse displays her pow'rs;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If ours the faults, the virtues too are ours.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Why should our thoughts to distant countries roam,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">When each refinement may be found at home?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Who travels now to ape the rich or great,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To deck an equipage and roll in state;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To court the graces, or to dance with ease,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or by hypocrisy to strive to please?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Our free-born ancestors such arts despis'd;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Genuine sincerity alone they priz'd;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Their minds, with honest emulation fir'd,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To solid good—not ornament—aspir'd;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Or, if ambition rous'd a bolder flame,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Stern virtue throve, where indolence was shame.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i2">But modern youths, with imitative sense,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Deem taste in dress the proof of excellence;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And spurn the meanness of your homespun arts,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Since homespun habits would obscure their parts;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Whilst all, which aims at splendour and parade,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Must come from Europe, <i>and be ready made</i>.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Strange! we should thus our native worth disclaim,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And check the progress of our rising fame.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Yet <i>one</i>, whilst imitation bears the sway,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Aspires to nobler heights, and points the way.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_438" id="Page_438">[Pg 438]</a></span><br /></span> +<span class="i0">Be rous'd, my friends! his bold example view;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Let your own Bards be proud to copy <i>you</i>!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Should rigid critics reprobate our play,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At least the patriotic heart will say,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">"Glorious our fall, since in a noble cause.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The bold <i>attempt alone</i> demands applause."<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Still may the wisdom of the Comic Muse<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Exalt your merits, or your faults accuse.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But think not, 'tis her aim to be severe;—<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We all are mortals, and as mortals err.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If candour pleases, we are truly blest;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Vice trembles, when compell'd to stand confess'd.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Let not light Censure on your faults offend,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Which aims not to expose them, but amend.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Thus does our Author to your candour trust;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Conscious, the <i>free</i> are generous, as just.<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_439" id="Page_439">[Pg 439]</a></span></div></div> + + + + +<h2 class="gap3"><a name="CHARACTERS" id="CHARACTERS"></a>CHARACTERS</h2> + +<table summary="Cast List"> +<tr> +<td></td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;"><i>New-York.</i></td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;"><i>Maryland.</i></td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Col. Manly</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Henry.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Hallam.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Dimple</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Hallam.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Harper.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Van Rough</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Morris.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Morris.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Jessamy</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Harper.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Biddle.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Jonathan</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Wignell.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mr. Wignell.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"> </td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Charlotte</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mrs. Morris.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mrs. Morris.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Maria</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mrs. Harper.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mrs. Harper.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Letitia</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mrs. Kenna.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Mrs. Williamson.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><span class="smcap">Jenny</span>,</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Miss Tuke.</td> +<td style="padding-left:2em;">Miss W. Tuke.</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td colspan="3"> </td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td class="center" colspan="3"><span class="smcap">Servants.</span></td> +</tr> +</table> + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span>, New-York.</p> + +<p class="gap2" style="font-size:smaller;">N.B. The lines marked with inverted commas, "thus", are omitted in the +representation.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_440" id="Page_440">[Pg 440]</a></span></p> + +<h2 class="gap3"><a name="THE_CONTRAST" id="THE_CONTRAST"></a>THE CONTRAST</h2> + +<h3 class="gap3"><a name="ACT_I" id="ACT_I"></a>ACT I.</h3> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I. <i>An Apartment at <span class="smcap">Charlotte's</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i><span class="smcap">Charlotte</span> and <span class="smcap">Letitia</span> discovered.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> And so, Charlotte, you really think the pocket-hoop +unbecoming.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> No, I don't say so: It may be very becoming to +saunter round the house of a rainy day; to visit my grand-mamma, +or to go to Quakers' meeting: but to swim in a minuet, +with the eyes of fifty well-dressed beaux upon me, to trip it in the +Mall, or walk on the Battery give me the luxurious, jaunty, flowing +bell-hoop. It would have delighted you to have seen me the +last evening, my charming girl! I was dangling o'er the battery +with Billy Dimple; a knot of young fellows were upon the platform; +as I passed them I faltered with one of the most bewitching +false steps you ever saw, and then recovered myself with such +a pretty confusion, flirting my hoop to discover a jet black shoe +and brilliant buckle. Gad! how my little heart thrilled to hear +the confused raptures of—"<i>Demme, Jack, what a delicate foot!</i>" +"<i>Ha! General, what a well-turned—</i>"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Fie! fie! Charlotte [<i>Stopping her mouth.</i>]. I protest +you are quite a libertine.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why, my dear little prude, are we not all such +libertines? Do you think, when I sat tortured two hours under +the hands of my friseur, and an hour more at my toilet, that I +had any thoughts of my aunt Susan, or my cousin Betsey? though +they are both allowed to be critical judges of dress.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Why, who should we dress to please, but those who +are judges of its merits?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why, a creature who does not know <i>Buffon</i> from +<i>Souflè</i>—Man!—my Letitia—Man! for whom we dress, walk, +dance, talk, lisp, languish, and smile. Does not the grave Spectator +assure us that even our much bepraised diffidence, modesty, +and blushes are all directed to make ourselves good wives and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_441" id="Page_441">[Pg 441]</a></span> +mothers as fast as we can? Why, I'll undertake with one flirt of +this hoop to bring more beaux to my feet in one week than the +grave Maria, and her sentimental circle, can do, by sighing sentiment +till their hairs are grey.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Well, I won't argue with you; you always out-talk +me; let us change the subject. I hear that Mr. Dimple and +Maria are soon to be married.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> You hear true. I was consulted in the choice of +the wedding clothes. She is to be married in a delicate white +satin, and has a monstrous pretty brocaded lutestring for the +second day. It would have done you good to have seen with +what an affected indifference the dear sentimentalist [turned over +a thousand pretty things, just as if her heart did not palpitate +with her approaching happiness, and at last made her choice and]<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a> +arranged her dress with such apathy as if she did not know that +plain white satin and a simple blond lace would shew her clear +skin and dark hair to the greatest advantage.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> But they say her indifference to dress, and even to +the gentleman himself, is not entirely affected.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> How?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> It is whispered that if Maria gives her hand to Mr. +Dimple, it will be without her heart.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Though the giving the heart is one of the last of +all laughable considerations in the marriage of a girl of spirit, yet +I should like to hear what antiquated notions the dear little piece +of old-fashioned prudery has got in her head.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Why, you know that old Mr. John-Richard-Robert-Jacob-Isaac-Abraham-Cornelius Van Dumpling, Billy Dimple's +father (for he has thought fit to soften his name, as well as +manners, during his English tour) was the most intimate friend +of Maria's father. The old folks, about a year before Mr. Van +Dumpling's death, proposed this match: the young folks were +accordingly introduced, and told they must love one another. +Billy was then a good-natured, decent-dressing young fellow, +with a little dash of the coxcomb, such as our young fellows of +fortune usually have. At this time, I really believe she thought +she loved him; and had they then been married, I doubt not they +might have jogged on, to the end of the chapter, a good kind of a +sing-song, lack-a-daysaical life, as other honest married folks do.</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_442" id="Page_442">[Pg 442]</a></span></p> +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why did they not then marry?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Upon the death of his father, Billy went to England +to see the world and rub off a little of the patroon rust. During +his absence, Maria, like a good girl, to keep herself constant to +her <i>nown true-love</i>, avoided company, and betook herself, for her +amusement, to her books, and her dear Billy's letters. But, +alas! how many ways has the mischievous demon of inconstancy +of stealing into a woman's heart! Her love was destroyed by +the very means she took to support it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> How?—Oh! I have it—some likely young beau +found the way to her study.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Be patient, Charlotte; your head so runs upon +beaux. Why, she read <i>Sir Charles Grandison</i>, <i>Clarissa Harlow</i>, +<i>Shenstone</i>, and the <i>Sentimental Journey</i>; and between whiles, as +I said, Billy's letters. But, as her taste improved, her love +declined. The contrast was so striking betwixt the good sense +of her books and the flimsiness of her love-letters, that she discovered +she had unthinkingly engaged her hand without her +heart; and then the whole transaction, managed by the old folks, +now appeared so unsentimental, and looked so like bargaining for +a bale of goods, that she found she ought to have rejected, according +to every rule of romance, even the man of her choice, if +imposed upon her in that manner. Clary Harlow would have +scorned such a match.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Well, how was it on Mr. Dimple's return? Did +he meet a more favourable reception than his letters?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Much the same. She spoke of him with respect +abroad, and with contempt in her closet. She watched his conduct +and conversation, and found that he had by travelling +acquired the wickedness of Lovelace without his wit, and the +politeness of Sir Charles Grandison without his generosity. The +ruddy youth, who washed his face at the cistern every morning, +and swore and looked eternal love and constancy, was now +metamorphosed into a flippant, palid, polite beau, who devotes +the morning to his toilet, reads a few pages of Chesterfield's +letters, and then minces out, to put the infamous principles in +practice upon every woman he meets.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> But, if she is so apt at conjuring up these sentimental +bugbears, why does she not discard him at once?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Why, she thinks her word too sacred to be trifled +with. Besides, her father, who has a great respect for the memory<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_443" id="Page_443">[Pg 443]</a></span> +of his deceased friend, is ever telling her how he shall renew his +years in their union, and repeating the dying injunctions of old +Van Dumpling.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> A mighty pretty story! And so you would make +me believe that the sensible Maria would give up Dumpling +Manor, and the all-accomplished Dimple as a husband, for the +absurd, ridiculous reason, forsooth, because she despises and +abhors him. Just as if a lady could not be privileged to spend +a man's fortune, ride in his carriage, be called after his name, +and call him her <i>nown dear lovee</i> when she wants money, without +loving and respecting the great he-creature. Oh! my dear girl, +you are a monstrous prude.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> I don't say what I would do; I only intimate how I +suppose she wishes to act.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"> +<span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> No, no, no! A fig for sentiment. If she breaks, or wishes to +break, with Mr. Dimple, depend upon it, she has some other man in her +eye. A woman rarely discards one lover until she is sure of another. +Letitia little thinks what a clue I have to Dimple's conduct. The +generous man submits to render himself disgusting to Maria, in order +that she may leave him at liberty to address me. I must change the +subject.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Aside, and rings a bell.</i></p> + +<p class="center" style="clear:both;"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Servant</span>.</i></p> + +<p>Frank, order the horses to.——Talking of marriage, did you +hear that Sally Bloomsbury is going to be married next week +to Mr. Indigo, the rich Carolinian?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Sally Bloomsbury married!—why, she is not yet in +her teens.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I do not know how that is, but you may depend +upon it, 'tis a done affair. I have it from the best authority. +There is my aunt Wyerly's Hannah (you know Hannah; though +a black, she is a wench that was never caught in a lie in her life); +now, Hannah has a brother who courts Sarah, Mrs. Catgut the +milliner's girl, and she told Hannah's brother, and Hannah, who, +as I said before, is a girl of undoubted veracity, told it directly +to me, that Mrs. Catgut was making a new cap for Miss Bloomsbury, +which, as it was very dressy, it is very probable is designed +for a wedding cap. Now, as she is to be married, who can it +be to, but to Mr. Indigo? Why, there is no other gentleman that +visits at her papa's.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_444" id="Page_444">[Pg 444]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Say not a word more, Charlotte. Your intelligence +is so direct and well grounded, it is almost a pity that it is not a +piece of scandal.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Oh! I am the pink of prudence. Though I cannot +charge myself with ever having discredited a tea-party by +my silence, yet I take care never to report any thing of my +acquaintance, especially if it is to their credit,—<i>discredit</i>, I mean,—until +I have searched to the bottom of it. It is true, there is +infinite pleasure in this charitable pursuit. Oh! how delicious to +go and condole with the friends of some backsliding sister, or to +retire with some old dowager or maiden aunt of the family, who +love scandal so well that they cannot forbear gratifying their appetite +at the expence of the reputation of their nearest relations! +And then to return full fraught with a rich collection of circumstances, +to retail to the next circle of our acquaintance under the +strongest injunctions of secrecy,—ha, ha, ha!—interlarding the +melancholy tale with so many doleful shakes of the head, and +more doleful "Ah! who would have thought it! so amiable, so +prudent a young lady, as we all thought her, what a monstrous +pity! well, I have nothing to charge myself with; I acted the part +of a friend, I warned her of the principles of that rake, I told her +what would be the consequence; I told her so, I told her so."—Ha, +ha, ha!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Ha, ha, ha! Well, but, Charlotte, you don't tell me +what you think of Miss Bloomsbury's match.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Think! why I think it is probable she cried for +a plaything, and they have given her a husband. Well, well, well, +the puling chit shall not be deprived of her plaything: 'tis only exchanging +London dolls for American babies.—Apropos, of babies, +have you heard what Mrs. Affable's high-flying notions of delicacy +have come to?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Who, she that was Miss Lovely?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> The same; she married Bob Affable of Schenectady. +Don't you remember?</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Servant</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Servant.</span> Madam, the carriage is ready.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Shall we go to the stores first, or visiting?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I should think it rather too early to visit, especially +Mrs. Prim; you know she is so particular.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Well, but what of Mrs. Affable?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_445" id="Page_445">[Pg 445]</a></span></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Oh, I'll tell you as we go; come, come, let us +hasten. I hear Mrs. Catgut has some of the prettiest caps +arrived you ever saw. I shall die if I have not the first sight +of them.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exeunt.</i></p> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II. <i>A Room in <span class="smcap">Van Rough's</span> House.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Maria</span> [<i>sitting disconsolate at a table, with books, &c.</i>].</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Song.</span><a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a></p> + +<p class="center">I.</p> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">The sun sets in night, and the stars shun the day;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But glory remains when their lights fade away!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Begin, ye tormentors! your threats are in vain,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For the son of Alknomook shall never complain.<br /></span> +</div></div> +<p class="center">II.</p> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Remember the arrows he shot from his bow;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Remember your chiefs by his hatchet laid low:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Why so slow?—do you wait till I shrink from the pain?<br /></span> +<span class="i0">No—the son of Alknomook will never complain.<br /></span> +</div></div> +<p class="center">III.</p> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Remember the wood where in ambush we lay;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the scalps which we bore from your nation away:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Now the flame rises fast, you exult in my pain;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But the son of Alknomook can never complain.<br /></span> +</div></div> +<p class="center">IV.</p> +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">I go to the land where my father is gone;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">His ghost shall rejoice in the fame of his son:<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Death comes like a friend, he relieves me from pain;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And thy son, O Alknomook! has scorn'd to complain.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>There is something in this song which ever calls forth my +affections. The manly virtue of courage, that fortitude which +steels the heart against the keenest misfortunes, which interweaves +the laurel of glory amidst the instruments of torture and +death, displays something so noble, so exalted, that in despite +of the prejudices of education, I cannot but admire it, even in a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_446" id="Page_446">[Pg 446]</a></span> +savage. The prepossession which our sex is supposed to entertain +for the character of a soldier is, I know, a standing piece of +raillery among the wits. A cockade, a lapell'd coat, and a feather, +they will tell you, are irresistible by a female heart. Let it be +so. Who is it that considers the helpless situation of our sex, +that does not see that we each moment stand in need of a protector, +and that a brave one too? [Formed of the more delicate +materials of nature, endowed only with the softer passions, +incapable, from our ignorance of the world, to guard against the +wiles of mankind, our security for happiness often depends upon +their generosity and courage:—Alas! how little of the former do +we find!] How inconsistent! that man should be leagued to +destroy that honour upon which solely rests his respect and +esteem. Ten thousand temptations allure us, ten thousand passions +betray us; yet the smallest deviation from the path of +rectitude is followed by the contempt and insult of man, and +the more remorseless pity of woman; years of penitence and +tears cannot wash away the stain, nor a life of virtue obliterate +its remembrance. [Reputation is the life of woman; yet courage +to protect it is masculine and disgusting; and the only safe +asylum a woman of delicacy can find is in the arms of a man of +honour. How naturally, then, should we love the brave and the +generous; how gratefully should we bless the arm raised for our +protection, when nerv'd by virtue and directed by honour!] +Heaven grant that the man with whom I may be connected—may +be connected!—Whither has my imagination transported +me—whither does it now lead me? Am I not indissolubly engaged, +[by every obligation of honour which my own consent +and my father's approbation can give,] to a man who can never +share my affections, and whom a few days hence it will be +criminal for me to disapprove—to disapprove! would to heaven +that were all—to despise. For, can the most frivolous manners, +actuated by the most depraved heart, meet, or merit, anything +but contempt from every woman of delicacy and sentiment?</p> + +<p class="center">[<i><span class="smcap">Van Rough</span> without</i>: Mary!]</p> + +<p>Ha! my father's voice—Sir!—</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Van Rough</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> What, Mary, always singing doleful ditties, and +moping over these plaguy books.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_447" id="Page_447">[Pg 447]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I hope, sir, that it is not criminal to improve my mind +with books; or to divert my melancholy with singing, at my +leisure hours.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Why, I don't know that, child; I don't know +that. They us'd to say, when I was a young man, that if a +woman knew how to make a pudding, and to keep herself out of +fire and water, she knew enough for a wife. Now, what good have +these books done you? have they not made you melancholy? as +you call it. Pray, what right has a girl of your age to be in the +dumps? hav'n't you every thing your heart can wish; an't you +going to be married to a young man of great fortune; an't you +going to have the quit-rent of twenty miles square?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> One hundredth part of the land, and a lease for life of +the heart of a man I could love, would satisfy me.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Pho, pho, pho! child; nonsense, downright nonsense, +child. This comes of your reading your story-books; your +Charles Grandisons, your Sentimental Journals, and your Robinson +Crusoes, and such other trumpery. No, no, no! child, it is +money makes the mare go; keep your eye upon the main chance, +Mary.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Marriage, sir, is, indeed, a very serious affair.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> You are right, child; you are right. I am sure I +found it so, to my cost.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I mean, sir, that as marriage is a portion for life, and +so intimately involves our happiness, we cannot be too considerate +in the choice of our companion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Right, child; very right. A young woman should +be very sober when she is making her choice, but when she has +once made it, as you have done, I don't see why she should not be +as merry as a grig; I am sure she has reason enough to be so. +Solomon says that "there is a time to laugh, and a time to weep." +Now, a time for a young woman to laugh is when she has made +sure of a good rich husband. Now, a time to cry, according to +you, Mary, is when she is making choice of him; but <i>I</i> should +think that a young woman's time to cry was when she despaired +of <i>getting</i> one. Why, there was your mother, now: to be sure, +when I popp'd the question to her she did look a little silly; +but when she had once looked down on her apron-strings, as all +modest young women us'd to do, and drawled out ye-s, she +was as brisk and as merry as a bee.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_448" id="Page_448">[Pg 448]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> My honoured mother, sir, had no motive to melancholy; +she married the man of her choice.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> The man of her choice! And pray, Mary, an't +you going to marry the man of your choice—what trumpery +notion is this? It is these vile books [<i>Throwing them away.</i>]. I'd +have you to know, Mary, if you won't make young Van Dumpling +the man of <i>your</i> choice, you shall marry him as the man of <i>my</i> +choice.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> You terrify me, sir. Indeed, sir, I am all submission. +My will is yours.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Why, that is the way your mother us'd to talk. +"My will is yours, my dear Mr. Van Rough, my will is yours;" +but she took special care to have her own way, though, for all +that.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Do not reflect upon my mother's memory, sir—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Why not, Mary, why not? She kept me from +speaking my mind all her <i>life</i>, and do you think she shall henpeck +me now she is <i>dead</i> too? Come, come; don't go to sniveling; be +a good girl, and mind the main chance. I'll see you well settled +in the world.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I do not doubt your love, sir, and it is my duty to +obey you. I will endeavour to make my duty and inclination go +hand in hand.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Well, well, Mary; do you be a good girl, mind +the main chance, and never mind inclination. Why, do you know +that I have been down in the cellar this very morning to examine +a pipe of Madeira which I purchased the week you were born, +and mean to tap on your wedding day?—That pipe cost me +fifty pounds sterling. It was well worth sixty pounds; but I +over-reach'd Ben Bulkhead, the supercargo: I'll tell you the +whole story. You must know that—</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Servant.</span></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Servant.</span> Sir, Mr. Transfer, the broker, is below.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Well, Mary, I must go. Remember, and be a good girl, and +mind the main chance.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Maria</span> [<i>alone</i>].</p> + +<p class="befstagedir">How deplorable is my situation! How distressing for a daughter +to find her heart militating with her filial duty! I know my +father loves me tenderly; why then do I reluctantly obey him?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_449" id="Page_449">[Pg 449]</a></span> +[Heaven knows! with what reluctance I should oppose the will +of a parent, or set an example of filial disobedience;] at a parent's +command, I could wed awkwardness and deformity. [Were the +heart of my husband good, I would so magnify his good qualities +with the eye of conjugal affection, that the defects of his person +and manners should be lost in the emanation of his virtues.] +At a father's command, I could embrace poverty. Were the +poor man my husband, I would learn resignation to my lot; I +would enliven our frugal meal with good humour, and chase +away misfortune from our cottage with a smile. At a father's +command, I could almost submit to what every female heart +knows to be the most mortifying, to marry a weak man, and +blush at my husband's folly in every company I visited. But +to marry a depraved wretch, whose only virtue is a polished +exterior; [who is actuated by the unmanly ambition of conquering +the defenceless; whose heart, insensible to the emotions of +patriotism, dilates at the plaudits of every unthinking girl;] +whose laurels are the sighs and tears of the miserable victims of +his specious behaviour—Can he, who has no regard for the peace +and happiness of other families, ever have a due regard for the +peace and happiness of his own? Would to heaven that my father +were not so hasty in his temper! Surely, if I were to state my +reasons for declining this match, he would not compel me to +marry a man,—whom, though my lips may solemnly promise to +honour, I find my heart must ever despise.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>End of the First Act.</i></p> + + + +<h3 class="gap3"><a name="ACT_II" id="ACT_II"></a>ACT II.</h3> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Charlotte</span> and <span class="smcap">Letitia</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Charlotte</span> [<i>at entering</i>].</p> + +<p>Betty, take those things out of the carriage and carry them +to my chamber; see that you don't tumble them. My dear, I +protest, I think it was the homeliest of the whole. I declare I +was almost tempted to return and change it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Why would you take it?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> [Didn't Mrs. Catgut say it was the most fashionable?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_450" id="Page_450">[Pg 450]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> But, my dear, it will never fit becomingly on you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I know that; but did not you hear Mrs. Catgut +say it was fashionable?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Did you see that sweet airy cap with the white sprig?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Yes, and I longed to take it; but,] my dear, what +could I do? Did not Mrs. Catgut say it was the most fashionable; +and if I had not taken it, was not that awkward, gawky +Sally Slender ready to purchase it immediately?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> [Did you observe how she tumbled over the things at +the next shop, and then went off without purchasing any thing, +nor even thanking the poor man for his trouble? But, of all the +awkward creatures, did you see Miss Blouze endeavouring to +thrust her unmerciful arm into those small kid gloves?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Ha, ha, ha, ha!]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Then did you take notice with what an affected +warmth of friendship she and Miss Wasp met? when all their +acquaintance know how much pleasure they take in abusing each +other in every company.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Lud! Letitia, is that so extraordinary? Why, my +dear, I hope you are not going to turn sentimentalist. Scandal, +you know, is but amusing ourselves with the faults, foibles, follies, +and reputations of our friends; indeed, I don't know why we +should have friends, if we are not at liberty to make use of them. +But no person is so ignorant of the world as to suppose, because +I amuse myself with a lady's faults, that I am obliged to quarrel +with her person every time we meet: believe me, my dear, we +should have very few acquaintances at that rate.</p> + +<p class="center"><i><span class="smcap">Servant</span> enters and delivers a letter to <span class="smcap">Charlotte</span>, and—[Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> You'll excuse me, my dear.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Opens and reads to herself.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Oh, quite excusable.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> As I hope to be married, my brother Henry is in +the city.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> What, your brother, Colonel Manly?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Yes, my dear; the only brother I have in the +world.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Was he never in this city?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Never nearer than Harlem Heights, where he lay +with his regiment.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_451" id="Page_451">[Pg 451]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> What sort of a being is this brother of yours? If he +is as chatty, as pretty, as sprightly as you, half the belles in the +city will be pulling caps for him.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> My brother is the very counterpart and reverse +of me: I am gay, he is grave; I am airy, he is solid; I am ever +selecting the most pleasing objects for my laughter, he has a tear +for every pitiful one. And thus, whilst he is plucking the briars +and thorns from the path of the unfortunate, I am strewing my +own path with roses.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> My sweet friend, not quite so poetical, and a little +more particular.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Hands off, Letitia. I feel the rage of simile upon +me; I can't talk to you in any other way. My brother has a +heart replete with the noblest sentiments, but then, it is like—it +is like—Oh! you provoking girl, you have deranged all my +ideas—it is like—Oh! I have it—his heart is like an old maiden +lady's band-box; it contains many costly things, arranged with +the most scrupulous nicety, yet the misfortune is that they are +too delicate, costly, and antiquated for common use.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> By what I can pick out of your flowery description, +your brother is no beau.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> No, indeed; he makes no pretension to the character. +He'd ride, or rather fly, an hundred miles to relieve a distressed +object, or to do a gallant act in the service of his country; +but, should you drop your fan or bouquet in his presence, it is +ten to one that some beau at the farther end of the room would +have the honour of presenting it to you before he had observed +that it fell. I'll tell you one of his antiquated, anti-gallant +notions. He said once in my presence, in a room full of company,—would +you believe it?—in a large circle of ladies, that the best +evidence a gentleman could give a young lady of his respect and +affection was to endeavour in a friendly manner to rectify her +foibles. I protest I was crimson to the eyes, upon reflecting that +I was known as his sister.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Insupportable creature! tell a lady of her faults! If +he is so grave, I fear I have no chance of captivating him.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> [His conversation is like a rich, old-fashioned +brocade,—it will stand alone; every sentence is a sentiment. Now +you may judge what a time I had with him, in my twelve months' +visit to my father. He read me such lectures, out of pure brotherly +affection, against the extremes of fashion, dress, flirting, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_452" id="Page_452">[Pg 452]</a></span> +coquetry, and all the other dear things which he knows I dote +upon, that I protest his conversation made me as melancholy +as if I had been at church; and, heaven knows, though I never +prayed to go there but on one occasion, yet I would have exchanged +his conversation for a psalm and a sermon. Church +is rather melancholy, to be sure; but then I can ogle the beaux, +and be regaled with "here endeth the first lesson," but his +brotherly <i>here</i>, you would think had no end.] You captivate +him! Why, my dear, he would as soon fall in love with a box +of Italian flowers. There is Maria, now, if she were not engaged, +she might do something. Oh! how I should like to see that pair +of pensorosos together, looking as grave as two sailors' wives +of a stormy night, with a flow of sentiment meandering through +their conversation like purling streams in modern poetry.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Oh! my dear fanciful—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Hush! I hear some person coming through the +entry.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Servant</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Servant.</span> Madam, there's a gentleman below who calls himself +Colonel Manly; do you choose to be at home?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Shew him in. [<i>Exit <span class="smcap">Servant</span>.</i>] Now for a sober +face.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Colonel Manly</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> My dear Charlotte, I am happy that I once more +enfold you within the arms of fraternal affection. I know you are +going to ask (amiable impatience!) how our parents do,—the +venerable pair transmit you their blessing by me—they totter on +the verge of a well-spent life, and wish only to see their children +settled in the world, to depart in peace.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I am very happy to hear that they are well. +[<i>Coolly.</i>] Brother, will you give me leave to introduce you to our +uncle's ward, one of my most intimate friends?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly</span> [<i>Saluting <span class="smcap">Letitia</span>.</i>]. I ought to regard your friends as +my own.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Come, Letitia, do give us a little dash of your +vivacity; my brother is so sentimental and so grave, that I protest +he'll give us the vapours.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Though sentiment and gravity, I know, are banished +the polite world, yet I hoped they might find some countenance +in the meeting of such near connections as brother and sister.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_453" id="Page_453">[Pg 453]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Positively, brother, if you go one step further in +this strain, you will set me crying, and that, you know, would +spoil my eyes; and then I should never get the husband which +our good papa and mamma have so kindly wished me—never be +established in the world.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Forgive me, my sister,—I am no enemy to mirth; I +love your sprightliness; and I hope it will one day enliven the +hours of some worthy man; but when I mention the respectable +authors of my existence,—the cherishers and protectors of my +helpless infancy, whose hearts glow with such fondness and +attachment that they would willingly lay down their lives for my +welfare,—you will excuse me if I am so unfashionable as to speak +of them with some degree of respect and reverence.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir" style="margin-bottom:0em;"><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Well, well, brother; if you won't be gay, we'll not differ; I +will be as grave as you wish.</p> +<p class="stagedir" style="margin-bottom:0em;"> [<i>Affects gravity.</i>]</p> +<p style="margin-top:0em;">And so, brother, you have come to the city to exchange some of your +commutation notes for a little pleasure.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Indeed you are mistaken; my errand is not of amusement, +but business; and as I neither drink nor game, my expences +will be so trivial, I shall have no occasion to sell my +notes.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Then you won't have occasion to do a very good +thing. Why, here was the Vermont General—he came down +some time since, sold all his musty notes at one stroke, and +then laid the cash out in trinkets for his dear Fanny. I want a +dozen pretty things myself; have you got the notes with you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I shall be ever willing to contribute, as far as it is in +my power, to adorn or in any way to please my sister; yet I hope +I shall never be obliged for this to sell my notes. I may be +romantic, but I preserve them as a sacred deposit. Their full +amount is justly due to me, but as embarrassments, the natural +consequences of a long war, disable my country from supporting +its credit, I shall wait with patience until it is rich enough to +discharge them. If that is not in my day, they shall be transmitted +as an honourable certificate to posterity, that I have +humbly imitated our illustrious <span class="smcap">Washington</span>, in having exposed +my health and life in the service of my country, without reaping +any other reward than the glory of conquering in so arduous a +contest.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Well said heroics. Why, my dear Henry, you +have such a lofty way of saying things, that I protest I almost<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_454" id="Page_454">[Pg 454]</a></span> +tremble at the thought of introducing you to the polite circles +in the city. The belles would think you were a player run mad, +with your head filled with old scraps of tragedy; and, as to the +beaux, they might admire, because they would not understand +you. But, however, I must, I believe, venture to introduce you +to two or three ladies of my acquaintance.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> And that will make him acquainted with thirty or +forty beaux.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Oh! brother, you don't know what a fund of +happiness you have in store.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I fear, sister, I have not refinement sufficient to +enjoy it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Oh! you cannot fail being pleased.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Our ladies are so delicate and dressy.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And our beaux so dressy and delicate.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Our ladies chat and flirt so agreeably.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And our beaux simper and bow so gracefully.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> With their hair so trim and neat.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And their faces so soft and sleek.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Their buckles so tonish and bright.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And their hands so slender and white.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> I vow, Charlotte, we are quite poetical.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And then, brother, the faces of the beaux are of +such a lily-white hue! None of that horrid robustness of constitution, +that vulgar corn-fed glow of health, which can only serve +to alarm an unmarried lady with apprehensions, and prove a +melancholy memento to a married one, that she can never hope +for the happiness of being a widow. I will say this to the credit +of our city beaux, that such is the delicacy of their complexion, +dress, and address, that, even had I no reliance upon the honour +of the dear Adonises, I would trust myself in any possible situation +with them, without the least apprehensions of rudeness.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Sister Charlotte!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Now, now, now, brother [<i>Interrupting him.</i>], +now don't go to spoil my mirth with a dash of your gravity, I +am so glad to see you, I am in tiptop spirits. Oh! that you +could be with us at a little snug party. There is Billy Simper, +Jack Chaffé, and Colonel Van Titter, Miss Promonade, and the +two Miss Tambours, sometimes make a party, with some other +ladies, in a side-box, at the play. Everything is conducted with +such decorum,—first we bow round to the company in general,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_455" id="Page_455">[Pg 455]</a></span> +then to each one in particular, then we have so many inquiries +after each other's health, and we are so happy to meet each other, +and it is so many ages since we last had that pleasure, [and if a +married lady is in company, we have such a sweet dissertation +upon her son Bobby's chin-cough;] then the curtain rises, then +our sensibility is all awake, and then, by the mere force of +apprehension, we torture some harmless expression into a double +meaning, which the poor author never dreamt of, and then we +have recourse to our fans, and then we blush, and then the +gentlemen jog one another, peep under the fan, and make the +prettiest remarks; and then we giggle and they simper, and they +giggle and we simper, and then the curtain drops, and then for +nuts and oranges, and then we bow, and it's Pray, ma'am, take +it, and Pray, sir, keep it, and, Oh! not for the world, sir; and +then the curtain rises again, and then we blush and giggle and +simper and bow all over again. Oh! the sentimental charms of +a side-box conversation! [<i>All laugh.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Well, sister, I join heartily with you in the laugh; +for, in my opinion, it is as justifiable to laugh at folly as it is +reprehensible to ridicule misfortune.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Well, but, brother, positively I can't introduce +you in these clothes: why, your coat looks as if it were calculated +for the vulgar purpose of keeping yourself comfortable.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> This coat was my regimental coat in the late war. +The public tumults of our state have induced me to buckle on +the sword in support of that government which I once fought +to establish. I can only say, sister, that there was a time when +this coat was respectable, and some people even thought that +those men who had endured so many winter campaigns in the +service of their country, without bread, clothing, or pay, at least +deserved that the poverty of their appearance should not be +ridiculed.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> We agree in opinion entirely, brother, though it +would not have done for me to have said it: it is the coat makes +the man respectable. In the time of the war, when we were +almost frightened to death, why, your coat was respectable, that +is, fashionable; now another kind of coat is fashionable, that is, +respectable. And, pray, direct the tailor to make yours the +height of the fashion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Though it is of little consequence to me of what shape +my coat is, yet, as to the height of the fashion, there you will please<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_456" id="Page_456">[Pg 456]</a></span> +to excuse me, sister. You know my sentiments on that subject. +I have often lamented the advantage which the French have +over us in that particular. In Paris, the fashions have their +dawnings, their routine, and declensions, and depend as much +upon the caprice of the day as in other countries; but there +every lady assumes a right to deviate from the general <i>ton</i> as +far as will be of advantage to her own appearance. In America, +the cry is, What is the fashion? and we follow it indiscriminately, +because it is so.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Therefore it is, that when large hoops are in +fashion, we often see many a plump girl lost in the immensity of +a hoop-petticoat, whose want of height and <i>en-bon-point</i> would +never have been remarked in any other dress. When the high +head-dress is the mode, how then do we see a lofty cushion, with +a profusion of gauze, feathers, and ribband, supported by a face +no bigger than an apple; whilst a broad, full-faced lady, who +really would have appeared tolerably handsome in a large head-dress, +looks with her smart chapeau as masculine as a soldier.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> But remember, my dear sister, and I wish all my fair +countrywomen would recollect, that the only excuse a young +lady can have for going extravagantly into a fashion is because +it makes her look extravagantly handsome.—Ladies, I must wish +you a good morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> But, brother, you are going to make home with us.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Indeed I cannot. I have seen my uncle and explained +that matter.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Come and dine with us, then. We have a family +dinner about half-past four o'clock.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I am engaged to dine with the Spanish ambassador. +I was introduced to him by an old brother officer; and instead +of freezing me with a cold card of compliment to dine with him +ten days hence, he, with the true old Castilian frankness, in a +friendly manner, asked me to dine with him to-day—an honour +I could not refuse. Sister, adieu—madam, your most obedient—</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I will wait upon you to the door, brother; I +have something particular to say to you.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Letitia</span> [<i>alone</i>]. What a pair!—She the pink of flirtation, he +the essence of everything that is <i>outré</i> and gloomy.—I think I +have completely deceived Charlotte by my manner of speaking of +Mr. Dimple; she's too much the friend of Maria to be confided<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_457" id="Page_457">[Pg 457]</a></span> +in. He is certainly rendering himself disagreeable to Maria, in +order to break with her and proffer his hand to me. This is +what the delicate fellow hinted in our last conversation.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II. <i>The Mall.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Jessamy</span>.</i></p> + +<p>Positively this Mall is a very pretty place. I hope the cits +won't ruin it by repairs. To be sure, it won't do to speak of in +the same day with Ranelagh or Vauxhall; however, it's a fine +place for a young fellow to display his person to advantage. +Indeed, nothing is lost here; the girls have taste, and I am very +happy to find they have adopted the elegant London fashion +of looking back, after a genteel fellow like me has passed them.—Ah! +who comes here? This, by his awkwardness, must be +the Yankee colonel's servant. I'll accost him.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Jonathan</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> <i>Votre très-humble serviteur, Monsieur.</i> I understand +Colonel Manly, the Yankee officer, has the honour of your services.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Sir!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> I say, sir, I understand that Colonel Manly has the +honour of having you for a servant.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Servant! Sir, do you take me for a neger,—I am +Colonel Manly's waiter.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> A true Yankee distinction, egad, without a difference. +Why, sir, do you not perform all the offices of a servant? +do you not even blacken his boots?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Yes; I do grease them a bit sometimes; but I am +a true blue son of liberty, for all that. Father said I should +come as Colonel Manly's waiter, to see the world, and all that: +but no man shall master me: my father has as good a farm as +the Colonel.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Well, sir, we will not quarrel about terms upon the +eve of an acquaintance from which I promise myself so much +satisfaction;—therefore, <i>sans cérémonie</i>—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> What?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_458" id="Page_458">[Pg 458]</a></span>—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> I say I am extremely happy to see Colonel Manly's +waiter.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, and I vow, too, I am pretty considerably +glad to see you; but what the dogs need of all this outlandish +lingo? Who may you be, sir, if I may be so bold?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> I have the honour to be Mr. Dimple's servant, or, if +you please, waiter. We lodge under the same roof, and should +be glad of the honour of your acquaintance.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> You a waiter! by the living jingo, you look so +topping, I took you for one of the agents to Congress.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> The brute has discernment, notwithstanding his +appearance.—Give me leave to say I wonder then at your +familiarity.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, as to the matter of that, Mr.——; pray, +what's your name?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Jessamy, at your service.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, I swear we don't make any great matter of +distinction in our state between quality and other folks.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> This is, indeed, a levelling principle.—I hope, Mr. +Jonathan, you have not taken part with the insurgents.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, since General Shays has sneaked off and +given us the bag to hold, I don't care to give my opinion; but +you'll promise not to tell—put your ear this way—you won't +tell?—I vow I did think the sturgeons were right.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> I thought, Mr. Jonathan, you Massachusetts-men +always argued with a gun in your hand. Why didn't you join +them?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, the Colonel is one of those folks called the +Shin—Shin—dang it all, I can't speak them <i>lignum vitæ</i> words—you +know who I mean—there is a company of them—they wear +a China goose at their button-hole—a kind of gilt thing.—Now +the Colonel told father and brother,—you must know there are, +let me see—there is Elnathan, Silas, and Barnabas, Tabitha—no, +no, she's a she—tarnation, now I have it—there's Elnathan, +Silas, Barnabas, Jonathan, that's I—seven of us, six went into +the wars, and I stayed at home to take care of mother. Colonel +said that it was a burning shame for the true blue Bunker-Hill +sons of liberty, who had fought Governor Hutchinson, Lord +North, and the Devil, to have any hand in kicking up a cursed +dust against a government which we had, every mother's son +of us, a hand in making.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_459" id="Page_459">[Pg 459]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Bravo!—Well, have you been abroad in the city +since your arrival? What have you seen that is curious and +entertaining?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Oh! I have seen a power of fine sights. I went +to see two marble-stone men and a leaden horse that stands out +in doors in all weathers; and when I came where they was, one +had got no head, and t' other wer'n't there. They said as how +the leaden man was a damn'd tory, and that he took wit in his +anger and rode off in the time of the troubles.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> But this was not the end of your excursion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Oh, no; I went to a place they call Holy Ground. +Now I counted this was a place where folks go to meeting; so I +put my hymn-book in my pocket, and walked softly and grave +as a minister; and when I came there, the dogs a bit of a meeting-house +could I see. At last I spied a young gentlewoman standing +by one of the seats which they have here at the doors. I +took her to be the deacon's daughter, and she looked so kind, +and so obliging, that I thought I would go and ask her the way +to lecture, and—would you think it?—she called me dear, and +sweeting, and honey, just as if we were married: by the living +jingo, I had a month's mind to buss her.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Well, but how did it end?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, as I was standing talking with her, a parcel +of sailor men and boys got round me, the snarl-headed curs fell +a-kicking and cursing of me at such a tarnal rate, that I vow +I was glad to take to my heels and split home, right off, tail +on end, like a stream of chalk.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Why, my dear friend, you are not acquainted with +the city; that girl you saw was a—[<i>Whispers.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Mercy on my soul! was that young woman a +harlot!—Well! if this is New-York Holy Ground, what must +the Holy-day Ground be!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Well, you should not judge of the city too rashly. +We have a number of elegant fine girls here that make a man's +leisure hours pass very agreeably. I would esteem it an honour +to announce you to some of them.—Gad! that announce is a +select word; I wonder where I picked it up.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> I don't want to know them.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Come, come, my dear friend, I see that I must +assume the honour of being the director of your amusements. +Nature has given us passions, and youth and opportunity stimu<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_460" id="Page_460">[Pg 460]</a></span>late +to gratify them. It is no shame, my dear Blueskin, for a +man to amuse himself with a little gallantry.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Girl huntry! I don't altogether understand. I +never played at that game. I know how to play hunt the squirrel, +but I can't play anything with the girls; I am as good as married.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Vulgar, horrid brute! Married, and above a hundred +miles from his wife, and think that an objection to his +making love to every woman he meets! He never can have read, +no, he never can have been in a room with a volume of the +divine Chesterfield.—So you are married?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> No, I don't say so; I said I was as good as married, +a kind of promise.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> As good as married!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, yes; there's Tabitha Wymen, the deacon's +daughter, at home; she and I have been courting a great while, +and folks say as how we are to be married; and so I broke a piece +of money with her when we parted, and she promised not to +spark it with Solomon Dyer while I am gone. You wou'dn't +have me false to my true-love, would you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Maybe you have another reason for constancy; +possibly the young lady has a fortune? Ha! Mr. Jonathan, the +solid charms: the chains of love are never so binding as when +the links are made of gold.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, as to fortune, I must needs say her father is +pretty dumb rich; he went representative for our town last year. +He will give her—let me see—four times seven is—seven times +four—nought and carry one,—he will give her twenty acres of +land—somewhat rocky though—a Bible, and a cow.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Twenty acres of rock, a Bible, and a cow! Why, +my dear Mr. Jonathan, we have servant-maids, or, as you would +more elegantly express it, waitresses, in this city, who collect +more in one year from their mistresses' cast clothes.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> You don't say so!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Yes, and I'll introduce you to one of them. There +is a little lump of flesh and delicacy that lives at next door, +waitress to Miss Maria; we often see her on the stoop.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> But are you sure she would be courted by me?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Never doubt it; remember a faint heart never—blisters +on my tongue—I was going to be guilty of a vile proverb; +flat against the authority of Chesterfield. I say there can be no<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_461" id="Page_461">[Pg 461]</a></span> +doubt that the brilliancy of your merit will secure you a favourable +reception.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, but what must I say to her?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Say to her! why, my dear friend, though I admire +your profound knowledge on every other subject, yet, you will +pardon my saying that your want of opportunity has made the +female heart escape the poignancy of your penetration. Say to +her! Why, when a man goes a-courting, and hopes for success, +he must begin with doing, and not saying.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, what must I do?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Why, when you are introduced you must make five +or six elegant bows.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Six elegant bows! I understand that; six, you +say? Well—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Then you must press and kiss her hand; then press +and kiss, and so on to her lips and cheeks: then talk as much +as you can about hearts, darts, flames, nectar, and ambrosia—the +more incoherent the better.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, but suppose she should be angry with I?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Why, if she should pretend—please to observe, Mr. +Jonathan—if she should pretend to be offended, you must—But +I'll tell you how my master acted in such a case: He was seated +by a young lady of eighteen upon a sofa, plucking with a wanton +hand the blooming sweets of youth and beauty. When the +lady thought it necessary to check his ardour, she called up a +frown upon her lovely face, so irresistibly alluring, that it would +have warmed the frozen bosom of age; remember, said she, +putting her delicate arm upon his, remember your character +and my honour. My master instantly dropped upon his knees, +with eyes swimming with love, cheeks glowing with desire, and +in the gentlest modulation of voice he said: My dear Caroline, +in a few months our hands will be indissolubly united at the +altar; our hearts I feel are already so; the favours you now +grant as evidence of your affection are favours indeed; yet, +when the ceremony is once past, what will now be received with +rapture will then be attributed to duty.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, and what was the consequence?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> The consequence!—Ah! forgive me, my dear friend, +but you New-England gentlemen have such a laudable curiosity +of seeing the bottom of everything;—why, to be honest, I con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_462" id="Page_462">[Pg 462]</a></span>fess +I saw the blooming cherub of a consequence smiling in its +angelic mother's arms, about ten months afterwards.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, if I follow all your plans, make them six +bows, and all that, shall I have such little cherubim consequences?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Undoubtedly.—What are you musing upon?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> You say you'll certainly make me acquainted?—Why, +I was thinking then how I should contrive to pass this +broken piece of silver—won't it buy a sugar-dram?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> What is that, the love-token from the deacon's +daughter?—You come on bravely. But I must hasten to my +master. Adieu, my dear friend.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Stay, Mr. Jessamy—must I buss her when I am +introduced to her?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> I told you, you must kiss her.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, but must I buss her?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Why kiss and buss, and buss and kiss, is all one.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Oh! my dear friend, though you have a profound +knowledge of all, a pugnency of tribulation, you don't know +everything.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Jessamy</span> [<i>alone</i>].</p> + +<p>Well, certainly I improve; my master could not have insinuated +himself with more address into the heart of a man he +despised. Now will this blundering dog sicken Jenny with his +nauseous pawings, until she flies into my arms for very ease. +How sweet will the contrast be between the blundering Jonathan +and the courtly and accomplished Jessamy!</p> + +<p class="center"><i>End of the Second Act.</i></p> + +<h3 class="gap3"><a name="ACT_III" id="ACT_III"></a>ACT III.</h3> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I. <i><span class="smcap">Dimple's</span> Room.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Dimple</span> [<i>discovered at a toilet, reading</i>].</p> + +<p>"Women have in general but one object, which is their beauty." +Very true, my lord; positively very true. "Nature has hardly +formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon +her person." Extremely just, my lord; every day's delightful +experience confirms this. "If her face is so shocking that she +must, in some degree, be conscious of it, her figure and air,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_463" id="Page_463">[Pg 463]</a></span> +she thinks, make ample amends for it." The sallow Miss Wan +is a proof of this. Upon my telling the distasteful wretch, the +other day, that her countenance spoke the pensive language +of sentiment, and that Lady Wortley Montague declared that, +if the ladies were arrayed in the garb of innocence, the face +would be the last part which would be admired, as Monsieur +Milton expresses it, she grin'd horribly a ghastly smile. "If +her figure is deformed, she thinks her face counterbalances it."</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Jessamy</span> with letters.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Where got you these, Jessamy?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Sir, the English packet is arrived.</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Dimple</span> [<i>opens and reads a letter enclosing notes</i>].</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Sir,</p> + +<p>"I have drawn bills on you in favour of Messrs. Van Cash and Co. +as per margin. I have taken up your note to Col. Piquet, and discharged +your debts to my Lord Lurcher and Sir Harry Rook. I +herewith enclose you copies of the bills, which I have no doubt will +be immediately honoured. On failure, I shall empower some lawyer +in your country to recover the amounts.</p> + +<p style="margin-left:10%;">"I am, sir,</p> + +<p style="margin-left:35%;margin-bottom:0em;">"Your most humble servant,</p> +<p style="margin-left:60%;margin-top:0em;">"<span class="smcap">John Hazard.</span>"</p> +</div> + +<p>Now, did not my lord expressly say that it was unbecoming +a well-bred man to be in a passion, I confess I should be ruffled. +[<i>Reads.</i>] "There is no accident so unfortunate, which a wise +man may not turn to his advantage; nor any accident so fortunate, +which a fool will not turn to his disadvantage." True, +my lord; but how advantage can be derived from this I can't +see. Chesterfield himself, who made, however, the worst practice +of the most excellent precepts, was never in so embarrassing +a situation. I love the person of Charlotte, and it is necessary +I should command the fortune of Letitia. As to Maria!—I +doubt not by my <i>sang-froid</i> behaviour I shall compel her to +decline the match; but the blame must not fall upon me. A +prudent man, as my lord says, should take all the credit of a +good action to himself, and throw the discredit of a bad one +upon others. I must break with Maria, marry Letitia, and +as for Charlotte—why, Charlotte must be a companion to my +wife.—Here, Jessamy!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_464" id="Page_464">[Pg 464]</a></span></p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Jessamy</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i><span class="smcap">Dimple</span> folds and seals two letters.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Here, Jessamy, take this letter to my love.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Gives one.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> To which of your honour's loves?—Oh! [<i>Reading.</i>] +to Miss Letitia, your honour's rich love.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> And this [<i>Delivers another.</i>] to Miss Charlotte +Manly. See that you deliver them privately.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Yes, your honour.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Going.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Jessamy, who are these strange lodgers that came +to the house last night?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Why, the master is a Yankee colonel; I have not +seen much of him; but the man is the most unpolished animal +your honour ever disgraced your eyes by looking upon. I have +had one of the most <i>outré</i> conversations with him!—He really +has a most prodigious effect upon my risibility.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I ought, according to every rule of Chesterfield, to +wait on him and insinuate myself into his good graces.—Jessamy, +wait on the Colonel with my compliments, and if he is +disengaged I will do myself the honour of paying him my respects.—Some +ignorant, unpolished boor—</p> + +<p class="center"><i><span class="smcap">Jessamy</span> goes off and returns.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Sir, the Colonel is gone out, and Jonathan his servant +says that he is gone to stretch his legs upon the Mall.—Stretch +his legs! what an indelicacy of diction!</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Very well. Reach me my hat and sword. I'll +accost him there, in my way to Letitia's, as by accident; +pretend to be struck with his person and address, and endeavour +to steal into his confidence. Jessamy, I have no business +for you at present.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Jessamy</span> [<i>taking up the book</i>].</p> + +<p>My master and I obtain our knowledge from the same source;—though, +gad! I think myself much the prettier fellow of the +two. [<i>Surveying himself in the glass.</i>] That was a brilliant +thought, to insinuate that I folded my master's letters for him; +the folding is so neat, that it does honour to the operator. I +once intended to have insinuated that I wrote his letters too; +but that was before I saw them; it won't do now: no honour +there, positively.—"Nothing looks more vulgar [<i>Reading<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_465" id="Page_465">[Pg 465]</a></span> +affectedly.</i>], ordinary, and illiberal than ugly, uneven, and ragged +nails; the ends of which should be kept even and clean, not +tipped with black, and cut in small segments of circles."—Segments +of circles! surely my lord did not consider that he wrote +for the beaux. Segments of circles! what a crabbed term! Now +I dare answer that my master, with all his learning, does not +know that this means, according to the present mode, to let the +nails grow long, and then cut them off even at top. [<i>Laughing +without.</i>] Ha! that's Jenny's titter. I protest I despair of ever +teaching that girl to laugh; she has something so execrably +natural in her laugh, that I declare it absolutely discomposes +my nerves. How came she into our house! [<i>Calls.</i>] Jenny!</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Jenny</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Prythee, Jenny, don't spoil your fine face with +laughing.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Why, mustn't I laugh, Mr. Jessamy?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> You may smile; but, as my lord says, nothing can +authorize a laugh.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Well, but I can't help laughing.—Have you seen him, +Mr. Jessamy? ha, ha, ha!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Seen whom?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Why Jonathan, the New-England colonel's servant. +Do you know he was at the play last night, and the stupid creature +don't know where he has been. He would not go to a play +for the world; he thinks it was a show, as he calls it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> As ignorant and unpolished as he is, do you know, +Miss Jenny, that I propose to introduce him to the honour of +your acquaintance?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Introduce him to me! for what?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Why, my lovely girl, that you may take him under +your protection, as Madame Ramboulliet did young Stanhope; +that you may, by your plastic hand, mould this uncouth cub into +a gentleman. He is to make love to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Make love to me!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Yes, Mistress Jenny, make love to you; and, I doubt +not, when he shall become <i>domesticated</i> in your kitchen, that this +boor, under your auspices, will soon become <i>un amiable petit +Jonathan</i>.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> I must say, Mr. Jessamy, if he copies after me, he will +be vastly, monstrously polite.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_466" id="Page_466">[Pg 466]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Stay here one moment, and I will call him.—Jonathan!—Mr. +Jonathan! [<i>Calls.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan</span> [<i>Within.</i>]. Holla! there.—[<i>Enters.</i>] You promise +to stand by me—six bows you say. [<i>Bows.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Mrs. Jenny, I have the honour of presenting Mr. +Jonathan, Colonel Manly's waiter, to you. I am extremely happy +that I have it in my power to make two worthy people acquainted +with each other's merits.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> So, Mr. Jonathan, I hear you were at the play last +night.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> At the play! why, did you think I went to the +devil's drawing-room?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> The devil's drawing-room!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Yes; why an't cards and dice the devil's device, +and the play-house the shop where the devil hangs out the vanities +of the world upon the tenter-hooks of temptation. I believe +you have not heard how they were acting the old boy one night, +and the wicked one came among them sure enough, and went +right off in a storm, and carried one quarter of the play-house with +him. Oh! no, no, no! you won't catch me at a play-house, I +warrant you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Well, Mr. Jonathan, though I don't scruple your +veracity, I have some reasons for believing you were there; pray, +where were you about six o'clock?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, I went to see one Mr. Morrison, the <i>hocus-pocus</i> +man; they said as how he could eat a case knife.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Well, and how did you find the place?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> As I was going about here and there, to and again, +to find it, I saw a great crowd of folks going into a long entry that +had lantherns over the door; so I asked a man whether that was +not the place where they played <i>hocus-pocus</i>? He was a very civil, +kind man, though he did speak like the Hessians; he lifted up +his eyes and said, "They play <i>hocus-pocus</i> tricks enough there, +Got knows, mine friend."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Well—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> So I went right in, and they shewed me away, clean +up to the garret, just like meeting-house gallery. And so I saw +a power of topping folks, all sitting round in little cabins, "just +like father's corn-cribs;" and then there was such a squeaking +with the fiddles, and such a tarnal blaze with the lights, my head +was near turned. At last the people that sat near me set up such<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_467" id="Page_467">[Pg 467]</a></span> +a hissing—hiss—like so many mad cats; and then they went +thump, thump, thump, just like our Peleg threshing wheat +and stampt away, just like the nation; and called out for one +Mr. Langolee,—I suppose he helps act[s] the tricks.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Well, and what did you do all this time?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Gor, I—I liked the fun, and so I thumpt away, +and hiss'd as lustily as the best of 'em. One sailor-looking man +that sat by me, seeing me stamp, and knowing I was a cute fellow, +because I could make a roaring noise, clapt me on the +shoulder and said, "You are a d——d hearty cock, smite my timbers!" +I told him so I was, but I thought he need not swear so, +and make use of such naughty words.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> The savage!—Well, and did you see the man with +his tricks?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, I vow, as I was looking out for him, they +lifted up a great green cloth and let us look right into the next +neighbour's house. Have you a good many houses in New-York +made so in that 'ere way?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Not many; but did you see the family?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Yes, swamp it; I see'd the family.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Well, and how did you like them?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, I vow they were pretty much like other +families;—there was a poor, good-natured curse of a husband, +and a sad rantipole of a wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> But did you see no other folks?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Yes. There was one youngster; they called him +Mr. Joseph; he talked as sober and as pious as a minister; but, +like some ministers that I know, he was a sly tike in his heart for +all that: He was going to ask a young woman to spark it with him, +and—the Lord have mercy on my soul!—she was another man's +wife.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> The Wabash!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> And did you see any more folks?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, they came on as thick as mustard. For +my part, I thought the house was haunted. There was a +soldier fellow, who talked about his row de dow, dow, and +courted a young woman; but, of all the cute folk I saw, +I liked one little fellow—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Aye! who was he?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, he had red hair, and a little round plump +face like mine, only not altogether so handsome. His name was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_468" id="Page_468">[Pg 468]</a></span>—Darby;—that +was his baptizing name; his other name I forgot. +Oh! it was Wig—Wag—Wag-all, Darby Wag-all,—pray, +do you know him?—I should like to take a sling with him, or a +drap of cyder with a pepper-pod in it, to make it warm and +comfortable.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> I can't say I have that pleasure.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> I wish you did; he is a cute fellow. But there +was one thing I didn't like in that Mr. Darby; and that was, +he was afraid of some of them 'ere shooting irons, such as your +troopers wear on training days. Now, I'm a true born Yankee +American son of liberty, and I never was afraid of a gun yet in +all my life.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Well, Mr. Jonathan, you were certainly at the play-house.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> I at the play-house!—Why didn't I see the play +then?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Why, the people you saw were players.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Mercy on my soul! did I see the wicked players?—Mayhap +that 'ere Darby that I liked so was the old serpent +himself, and had his cloven foot in his pocket. Why, I +vow, now I come to think on't, the candles seemed to burn +blue, and I am sure where I sat it smelt tarnally of brimstone.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Well, Mr. Jonathan, from your account, which I +confess is very accurate, you must have been at the play-house.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, I vow, I began to smell a rat. When I +came away, I went to the man for my money again; you want +your money? says he; yes, says I; for what? says he; why, +says I, no man shall jocky me out of my money; I paid my money +to see sights, and the dogs a bit of a sight have I seen, unless you +call listening to people's private business a sight. Why, says +he, it is the School for Scandalization.—The School for Scandalization!—Oh! +ho! no wonder you New-York folks are so cute +at it, when you go to school to learn it; and so I jogged off.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> My dear Jenny, my master's business drags me +from you; would to heaven I knew no other servitude than to +your charms.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, but don't go; you won't leave me so.—</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Excuse me.—Remember the cash.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Aside to him, and—Exit.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Mr. Jonathan, won't you please to sit down. Mr.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_469" id="Page_469">[Pg 469]</a></span> +Jessamy tells me you wanted to have some conversation with me. +[<i>Having brought forward two chairs, they sit.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Ma'am!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Sir!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Ma'am!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Pray, how do you like the city, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Ma'am!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> I say, sir, how do you like New-York?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Ma'am!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> The stupid creature! but I must pass some little time +with him, if it is only to endeavour to learn whether it was his +master that made such an abrupt entrance into our house, and +my young mistress' heart, this morning. [<i>Aside.</i>] As you +don't seem to like to talk, Mr. Jonathan—do you sing?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Gor, I—I am glad she asked that, for I forgot what +Mr. Jessamy bid me say, and I dare as well be hanged as act what +he bid me do, I'm so ashamed. [<i>Aside.</i>] Yes, ma'am, I can sing—I +can sing Mear, Old Hundred, and Bangor.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Oh! I don't mean psalm tunes. Have you no little +song to please the ladies, such as Roslin Castle, or the Maid of the +Mill?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, all my tunes go to meeting tunes, save one, +and I count you won't altogether like that 'ere.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> What is it called?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> I am sure you have heard folks talk about it; it is +called Yankee Doodle.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Oh! it is the tune I am fond of; and, if I know anything +of my mistress, she would be glad to dance to it. Pray, sing!</p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Jonathan</span> [<i>sings</i>].</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Father and I went up to camp,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Along with Captain Goodwin;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And there we saw the men and boys,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">As thick as hasty-pudding.<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Yankee doodle do, &c.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">And there we saw a swamping gun,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Big as log of maple,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">On a little deuced cart,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A load for father's cattle.<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Yankee doodle do, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_470" id="Page_470">[Pg 470]</a></span>&c.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">And every time they fired it off<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It took a horn of powder,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It made a noise—like father's gun,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Only a nation louder.<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Yankee doodle do, &c.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">There was a man in our town,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">His name was—<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>No, no, that won't do. Now, if I was with Tabitha Wymen +and Jemima Cawley down at father Chase's, I shouldn't mind +singing this all out before them—you would be affronted if I +was to sing that, though that's a lucky thought; if you should +be affronted, I have something dang'd cute, which Jessamy told +me to say to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Is that all! I assure you I like it of all things.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> No, no; I can sing more; some other time, when you +and I are better acquainted, I'll sing the whole of it—no, no—that's +a fib—I can't sing but a hundred and ninety verses: our +Tabitha at home can sing it all.—[<i>Sings.</i>]</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Marblehead's a rocky place,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And Cape-Cod is sandy;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Charlestown is burnt down,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Boston is the dandy.<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Yankee doodle, doodle do, &c.<br /></span> +</div></div> + + +<p>I vow, my own town song has put me into such topping spirits +that I believe I'll begin to do a little, as Jessamy says we must +when we go a-courting.—[<i>Runs and kisses her.</i>] Burning rivers! +cooling flames! red-hot roses! pig-nuts! hasty-pudding and +ambrosia!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> What means this freedom? you insulting wretch. +[<i>Strikes him.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Are you affronted?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Affronted! with what looks shall I express my anger?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Looks! why as to the matter of looks, you look as +cross as a witch.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Have you no feeling for the delicacy of my sex?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Feeling! Gor, I—I feel the delicacy of your sex +pretty smartly [<i>Rubbing his cheek.</i>], though, I vow, I thought when +you city ladies courted and married, and all that, you put feeling +out of the question. But I want to know whether you are really<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_471" id="Page_471">[Pg 471]</a></span> +affronted, or only pretend to be so? 'Cause, if you are certainly +right down affronted, I am at the end of my tether; Jessamy +didn't tell me what to say to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Pretend to be affronted!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Aye, aye, if you only pretend, you shall hear how I'll go to +work to make cherubim consequences. [<i>Runs up to her.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Begone, you brute!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> That looks like mad; but I won't lose my speech. +My dearest Jenny—your name is Jenny, I think?—My dearest +Jenny, though I have the highest esteem for the sweet favours you +have just now granted me—Gor, that's a fib, though; but Jessamy +says it is not wicked to tell lies to the women. [<i>Aside.</i>] I say, +though I have the highest esteem for the favours you have just +now granted me, yet you will consider that, as soon as the dissolvable +knot is tied, they will no longer be favours, but only +matters of duty and matters of course.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Jenny.</span> Marry you! you audacious monster! get out of my sight, or, +rather, let me fly from you.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit hastily.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Gor! she's gone off in a swinging passion, before I +had time to think of consequences. If this is the way with your +city ladies, give me the twenty acres of rock, the bible, the cow, +and Tabitha, and a little peaceable bundling.</p> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II. <i>The Mall.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Manly</span>.</i></p> + +<p>It must be so, Montague! and it is not all the tribe of Mandevilles +that shall convince me that a nation, to become great, +must first become dissipated. Luxury is surely the bane of a +nation: Luxury! which enervates both soul and body, by +opening a thousand new sources of enjoyment, opens, also, a +thousand new sources of contention and want: Luxury! which +renders a people weak at home, and accessible to bribery, corruption, +and force from abroad. When the Grecian states +knew no other tools than the axe and the saw, the Grecians were +a great, a free, and a happy people. The kings of Greece devoted +their lives to the service of their country, and her senators +knew no other superiority over their fellow-citizens than a +glorious pre-eminence in danger and virtue. They exhibited to +the world a noble spectacle,—a number of independent states +united by a similarity of language, sentiment, manners, common<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_472" id="Page_472">[Pg 472]</a></span> +interest, and common consent, in one grand mutual league of +protection. And, thus united, long might they have continued +the cherishers of arts and sciences, the protectors of the oppressed, +the scourge of tyrants, and the safe asylum of liberty. But +when foreign gold, and still more pernicious, foreign luxury had +crept among them, they sapped the vitals of their virtue. The +virtues of their ancestors were only found in their writings. +Envy and suspicion, the vices of little minds, possessed them. +The various states engendered jealousies of each other; and, +more unfortunately, growing jealous of their great federal council, +the Amphictyons, they forgot that their common safety had +existed, and would exist, in giving them an honourable extensive +prerogative. The common good was lost in the pursuit of private +interest; and that people who, by uniting, might have stood +against the world in arms, by dividing, crumbled into ruin;—their +name is now only known in the page of the historian, and +what they once were is all we have left to admire. Oh! that +America! Oh! that my country, would, in this her day, learn +the things which belong to her peace!</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Dimple</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> You are Colonel Manly, I presume?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> At your service, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> My name is Dimple, sir. I have the honour to be a +lodger in the same house with you, and, hearing you were in the +Mall, came hither to take the liberty of joining you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> You are very obliging, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> As I understand you are a stranger here, sir, I have +taken the liberty to introduce myself to your acquaintance, as +possibly I may have it in my power to point out some things in +this city worthy your notice.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> An attention to strangers is worthy a liberal mind, and +must ever be gratefully received. But to a soldier, who has no +fixed abode, such attentions are particularly pleasing.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Sir, there is no character so respectable as that of a soldier. +And, indeed, when we reflect how much we owe to those brave men who have +suffered so much in the service of their country, and secured to us +those inestimable blessings that we now enjoy, our liberty and +independence, they demand every attention which gratitude can pay. For +my own part, I never meet an officer, but I embrace him as my friend, +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_473" id="Page_473">[Pg 473]</a></span>nor a private in distress, but I insensibly extend my charity to +him.—I have hit the Bumkin off very tolerably.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Aside.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Give me your hand, sir! I do not proffer this hand to +everybody; but you steal into my heart. I hope I am as insensible +to flattery as most men; but I declare (it may be my weak +side) that I never hear the name of soldier mentioned with +respect, but I experience a thrill of pleasure which I never feel +on any other occasion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Will you give me leave, my dear Colonel, to confer an +obligation on myself, by shewing you some civilities during your +stay here, and giving a similar opportunity to some of my friends?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Sir, I thank you; but I believe my stay in this city +will be very short.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I can introduce you to some men of excellent sense, +in whose company you will esteem yourself happy; and, by way +of amusement, to some fine girls, who will listen to your soft +things with pleasure.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Sir, I should be proud of the honour of being acquainted +with those gentlemen;—but, as for the ladies, I don't +understand you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Why, sir, I need not tell you, that when a young +gentleman is alone with a young lady he must say some soft +things to her fair cheek—indeed, the lady will expect it. To be +sure, there is not much pleasure when a man of the world and a +finished coquette meet, who perfectly know each other; but how +delicious is it to excite the emotions of joy, hope, expectation, and +delight in the bosom of a lovely girl who believes every tittle of +what you say to be serious!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Serious, sir! In my opinion, the man who, under +pretensions of marriage, can plant thorns in the bosom of an +innocent, unsuspecting girl is more detestable than a common +robber, in the same proportion as private violence is more +despicable than open force, and money of less value than happiness.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> How he awes me by the superiority of his sentiments. +[<i>Aside.</i>] As you say, sir, a gentlemen should be cautious how he +mentions marriage.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Cautious, sir! [No person more approves of an intercourse +between the sexes than I do. Female conversation softens +our manners, whilst our discourse, from the superiority of our +literary advantages, improves their minds. But, in our young<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_474" id="Page_474">[Pg 474]</a></span> +country, where there is no such thing as gallantry, when a gentleman +speaks of love to a lady, whether he mentions marriage or +not, she ought to conclude either that he meant to insult her or +that his intentions are the most serious and honourable.] How +mean, how cruel, is it, by a thousand tender assiduities, to win +the affections of an amiable girl, and, though you leave her +virtue unspotted, to betray her into the appearance of so many +tender partialities, that every man of delicacy would suppress +his inclination towards her, by supposing her heart engaged! +Can any man, for the trivial gratification of his leisure-hours, +affect the happiness of a whole life! His not having spoken of +marriage may add to his perfidy, but can be no excuse for his +conduct.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Sir, I admire your sentiments;—they are mine. The +light observations that fell from me were only a principle of the +tongue; they came not from the heart; my practice has ever +disapproved these principles.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I believe you, sir. I should with reluctance suppose +that those pernicious sentiments could find admittance into the +heart of a gentleman.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I am now, sir, going to visit a family, where, if you +please, I will have the honour of introducing you. Mr. Manly's +ward, Miss Letitia, is a young lady of immense fortune; and his +niece, Miss Charlotte Manly, is a young lady of great sprightliness +and beauty.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> That gentleman, sir, is my uncle, and Miss Manly my +sister.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> The devil she is! [<i>Aside.</i>] Miss Manly your sister, sir? +I rejoice to hear it, and feel a double pleasure in being known to +you.—Plague on him! I wish he was at Boston again, with all +my soul. [<i>Aside.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Come, sir, will you go?</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I will follow you in a moment, sir.</p> +<p class="stagedir" style="margin-bottom:0em;"> [<i>Exit <span class="smcap">Manly</span>.</i>]</p> +<p class="befstagedir" style="margin-top:0em;">Plague on it! this is unlucky. A fighting brother is a cursed appendage +to a fine girl. Egad! I just stopped in time; had he not discovered +himself, in two minutes more I should have told him how well I was with +his sister. Indeed, I cannot see the satisfaction of an intrigue, if one +can't have the pleasure of communicating it to our friends.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>End of the Third Act.</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_475" id="Page_475">[Pg 475]</a></span></p> + + + +<h3 class="gap3"><a name="ACT_IV" id="ACT_IV"></a>ACT IV.</h3> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene.</span> I. <i><span class="smcap">Charlotte's</span> Apartment.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i><span class="smcap">Charlotte</span> leading in <span class="smcap">Maria</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> This is so kind, my sweet friend, to come to see me +at this moment. I declare, if I were going to be married in a few +days, as you are, I should scarce have found time to visit my +friends.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Do you think, then, that there is an impropriety in it?—How +should you dispose of your time?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why, I should be shut up in my chamber; and my +head would so run upon—upon—upon the solemn ceremony that +I was to pass through!—I declare, it would take me above two +hours merely to learn that little monosyllable—<i>Yes.</i>—Ah! my +dear, your sentimental imagination does not conceive what that +little tiny word implies.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Spare me your raillery, my sweet friend; I should love +your agreeable vivacity at any other time.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why, this is the very time to amuse you. You +grieve me to see you look so unhappy.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Have I not reason to look so?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> [What new grief distresses you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Oh! how sweet it is, when the heart is borne down with +misfortune, to recline and repose on the bosom of friendship! +Heaven knows that, although it is improper for a young lady +to praise a gentleman, yet I have ever concealed Mr. Dimple's +foibles, and spoke of him as of one whose reputation I expected +would be linked with mine: but his late conduct towards me has +turned my coolness into contempt. He behaves as if he meant +to insult and disgust me; whilst my father, in the last conversation +on the subject of our marriage, spoke of it as a matter +which laid near his heart, and in which he would not bear contradiction.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> This works well: oh! the generous Dimple. I'll endeavour +to excite her to discharge him. [<i>Aside.</i>] But, my dear +friend, your happiness depends on yourself. Why don't you discard +him? Though the match has been of long standing, I would +not be forced to make myself miserable: no parent in the world +should oblige me to marry the man I did not like.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Oh! my dear, you never lived with your parents, and do +not know what influence a father's frowns have upon a daughter's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_476" id="Page_476">[Pg 476]</a></span> +heart. Besides, what have I to allege against Mr. Dimple, to +justify myself to the world? He carries himself so smoothly, +that every one would impute the blame to me, and call me +capricious.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And call her capricious! Did ever such an objection +start into the heart of woman? for my part, I wish I had fifty +lovers to discard, for no other reason than because I did not fancy +them.] My dear Maria, you will forgive me; I know your candour +and confidence in me; but I have at times, I confess, been +led to suppose that some other gentleman was the cause of your +aversion to Mr. Dimple.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> No, my sweet friend, you may be assured, that though +I have seen many gentlemen I could prefer to Mr. Dimple, yet I +never saw one that I thought I could give my hand to, until this +morning.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> This morning!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Yes; one of the strangest accidents in the world. The +odious Dimple, after disgusting me with his conversation, had just +left me, when a gentleman, who, it seems, boards in the same +house with him, saw him coming out of our door, and, the +houses looking very much alike, he came into our house instead of +his lodgings; nor did he discover his mistake until he got into the +parlour, where I was: he then bowed so gracefully, made such +a genteel apology, and looked so manly and noble!—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I see some folks, though it is so great an impropriety, +can praise a gentleman, when he happens to be the man of +their fancy. [<i>Aside.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I don't know how it was,—I hope he did not think me +indelicate,—but I asked him, I believe, to sit down, or pointed to +a chair. He sat down, and, instead of having recourse to observations +upon the weather, or hackneyed criticisms upon the +theatre, he entered readily into a conversation worthy a man of +sense to speak, and a lady of delicacy and sentiment to hear. +He was not strictly handsome, but he spoke the language of +sentiment, and his eyes looked tenderness and honour.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Oh! [<i>Eagerly.</i>] you sentimental, grave girls, when +your hearts are once touched, beat us rattles a bar's length. And +so you are quite in love with this he-angel?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> In love with him! How can you rattle so, Charlotte? +Am I not going to be miserable? [<i>Sighs.</i>] In love with a gentleman +I never saw but one hour in my life, and don't know his name!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_477" id="Page_477">[Pg 477]</a></span> +No; I only wished that the man I shall marry may look, and +talk, and act, just like him. Besides, my dear, he is a married +man.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why, that was good-natured.—He told you so, I +suppose, in mere charity, to prevent you falling in love with +him?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> He didn't tell me so; [<i>Peevishly.</i>] he looked as if he was +married.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> How, my dear; did he look sheepish?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I am sure he has a susceptible heart, and the ladies of +his acquaintance must be very stupid not to—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Hush! I hear some person coming.</p> + +<p class="center">[<i>Enter <span class="smcap">Letitia</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> My dear Maria, I am happy to see you. Lud! what +a pity it is that you have purchased your wedding clothes.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I think so. [<i>Sighing.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Why, my dear, there is the sweetest parcel of silks +come over you ever saw! Nancy Brilliant has a full suit come; she +sent over her measure, and it fits her to a hair; it is immensely +dressy, and made for a court-hoop. I thought they said the +large hoops were going out of fashion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Did you see the hat? Is it a fact that the deep +laces round the border is still the fashion?]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple</span> [<i>within</i>]. Upon my honour, sir.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Ha! Dimple's voice! My dear, I must take leave of you. +There are some things necessary to be done at our house. Can't +I go through the other room?</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Dimple</span> and <span class="smcap">Manly</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Ladies, your most obedient.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Miss Van Rough, shall I present my brother +Henry to you? Colonel Manly, Maria—Miss Van Rough, brother.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Her brother! [<i>Turns and sees <span class="smcap">Manly</span>.</i>] Oh! my heart! +the very gentleman I have been praising.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> The same amiable girl I saw this morning!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why, you look as if you were acquainted.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I unintentionally intruded into this lady's presence +this morning, for which she was so good as to promise me her forgiveness.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_478" id="Page_478">[Pg 478]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Oh! ho! is that the case! Have these two pensorosos +been together? Were they Henry's eyes that looked so tenderly? +[<i>Aside.</i>] And so you promised to pardon him? and could you +be so good-natured?—have you really forgiven him? I beg you +would do it for my sake [<i>Whispering loud to <span class="smcap">Maria</span>.</i>]. But, my +dear, as you are in such haste, it would be cruel to detain you; +I can show you the way through the other room.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Spare me, my sprightly friend.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> The lady does not, I hope, intend to deprive us of the +pleasure of her company so soon.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> She has only a mantua-maker who waits for her at +home. But, as I am to give my opinion of the dress, I think she +cannot go yet. We were talking of the fashions when you came in, +but I suppose the subject must be changed to something of more +importance now.—Mr. Dimple, will you favour us with an account +of the public entertainments?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Why, really, Miss Manly, you could not have asked +me a question more <i>mal-apropos</i>. For my part, I must confess +that, to a man who has traveled, there is nothing that is worthy +the name of amusement to be found in this city.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Except visiting the ladies.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Pardon me, madam; that is the avocation of a man of +taste. But for amusement, I positively know of nothing that can +be called so, unless you dignify with that title the hopping once a +fortnight to the sound of two or three squeaking fiddles, and the +clattering of the old tavern windows, or sitting to see the miserable +mummers, whom you call actors, murder comedy and make +a farce of tragedy.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Do you never attend the theatre, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I was tortured there once.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Pray, Mr. Dimple, was it a tragedy or a comedy?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Faith, madam, I cannot tell; for I sat with my back to +the stage all the time, admiring a much better actress than any +there—a lady who played the fine woman to perfection; though, +by the laugh of the horrid creatures round me, I suppose it was +comedy. Yet, on second thoughts, it might be some hero in a +tragedy, dying so comically as to set the whole house in an +uproar.—- Colonel, I presume you have been in Europe?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Indeed, sir, I was never ten leagues from the continent.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Believe me, Colonel, you have an immense pleasure to +come; and when you shall have seen the brilliant exhibitions of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_479" id="Page_479">[Pg 479]</a></span> +Europe, you will learn to despise the amusements of this country +as much as I do.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Therefore I do not wish to see them; for I can never +esteem that knowledge valuable which tends to give me a distaste +for my native country.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Well, Colonel, though you have not travelled, you have +read.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I have, a little, and by it have discovered that there is +a laudable partiality which ignorant, untravelled men entertain +for everything that belongs to their native country. I call it +laudable; it injures no one; adds to their own happiness; and, +when extended, becomes the noble principle of patriotism. +Travelled gentlemen rise superior, in their own opinion, to this: +but if the contempt which they contract for their country is +the most valuable acquisition of their travels, I am far from +thinking that their time and money are well spent.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> What noble sentiments!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Let my brother set out from where he will in the +fields of conversation, he is sure to end his tour in the temple of +gravity.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Forgive me, my sister. I love my country; it has its +foibles undoubtedly;—some foreigners will with pleasure remark +them—but such remarks fall very ungracefully from the lips of her +citizens.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> You are perfectly in the right, Colonel—America has +her faults.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Yes, sir; and we, her children, should blush for them in +private, and endeavour, as individuals, to reform them. But, +if our country has its errors in common with other countries, I +am proud to say America—I mean the United States—have +displayed virtues and achievements which modern nations may +admire, but of which they have seldom set us the example.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> But, brother, we must introduce you to some of +our gay folks, and let you see the city, such as it is. Mr. Dimple +is known to almost every family in town; he will doubtless take +a pleasure in introducing you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I shall esteem every service I can render your brother +an honour.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I fear the business I am upon will take up all my time, +and my family will be anxious to hear from me.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_480" id="Page_480">[Pg 480]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> His family! But what is it to me that he is married! +[<i>Aside.</i>] Pray, how did you leave your lady, sir?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> My brother is not married [<i>Observing her anxiety.</i>]; +it is only an odd way he has of expressing himself. Pray, brother, +is this business, which you make your continual excuse, a secret?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> No, sister; I came hither to solicit the honourable Congress, +that a number of my brave old soldiers may be put upon the +pension-list, who were, at first, not judged to be so materially +wounded as to need the public assistance. My sister says true +[<i>To <span class="smcap">Maria</span>.</i>]: I call my late soldiers my family. Those who +were not in the field in the late glorious contest, and those who +were, have their respective merits; but, I confess, my old brother-soldiers +are dearer to me than the former description. Friendships +made in adversity are lasting; our countrymen may forget +us, but that is no reason why we should forget one another. But +I must leave you; my time of engagement approaches.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Well, but, brother, if you will go, will you please +to conduct my fair friend home? You live in the same street—I +was to have gone with her myself—[<i>Aside.</i>] A lucky thought.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I am obliged to your sister, sir, and was just intending to go.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Going.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I shall attend her with pleasure.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit with <span class="smcap">Maria</span>, followed by <span class="smcap">Dimple</span> and <span class="smcap">Charlotte</span>.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Now, pray, don't betray me to your brother.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir">[<span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> [<i>Just as she sees him make a motion to take his +leave.</i>] One word with you, brother, if you please.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Follows them out.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>Manent <span class="smcap">Dimple</span> and <span class="smcap">Letitia</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> You received the billet I sent you, I presume?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Hush!—Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> When shall I pay my respects to you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> At eight I shall be unengaged.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Re-enter <span class="smcap">Charlotte</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Did my lovely angel receive my billet?</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>To <span class="smcap">Charlotte</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Yes.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> What hour shall I expect with impatience?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> At eight I shall be at home unengaged.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_481" id="Page_481">[Pg 481]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Unfortunately! I have a horrid engagement of business +at that hour. Can't you finish your visit earlier, and let six +be the happy hour?</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> You know your influence over me.]</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exeunt severally.</i></p> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II. <i><span class="smcap">Van Rough's</span> House.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Van Rough</span> [<i>alone</i>].</p> + +<p class="befstagedir">It cannot possibly be true! The son of my old friend can't +have acted so unadvisedly. Seventeen thousand pounds! in +bills! Mr. Transfer must have been mistaken. He always +appeared so prudent, and talked so well upon money-matters, +and even assured me that he intended to change his dress for +a suit of clothes which would not cost so much, and look more +substantial, as soon as he married. No, no, no! it can't be; it +cannot be. But, however, I must look out sharp. I did not +care what his principles or his actions were, so long as he minded +the main chance. Seventeen thousand pounds! If he had lost it +in trade, why the best men may have ill-luck; but to game it +away, as Transfer says—why, at this rate, his whole estate may +go in one night, and, what is ten times worse, mine into the bargain. +No, no; Mary is right. Leave women to look out in these +matters; for all they look as if they didn't know a journal from +a ledger, when their interest is concerned they know what's what; +they mind the main chance as well as the best of us—I wonder +Mary did not tell me she knew of his spending his money so +foolishly. Seventeen thousand pounds! Why, if my daughter +was standing up to be married, I would forbid the banns, if I +found it was to a man who did not mind the main chance.—Hush! +I hear somebody coming. 'Tis Mary's voice: a man +with her too! I shou'dn't be surprised if this should be the other +string to her bow. Aye, aye, let them alone; women understand +the main chance.—Though, i' faith, I'll listen a little.</p> + +<p class="stagedir">[<i>Retires into a closet.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i><span class="smcap">Manly</span> leading in <span class="smcap">Maria</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I hope you will excuse my speaking upon so important +a subject so abruptly; but, the moment I entered your room, you +struck me as the lady whom I had long loved in imagination, and +never hoped to see.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_482" id="Page_482">[Pg 482]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Indeed, sir, I have been led to hear more upon this +subject than I ought.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Do you, then, disapprove my suit, madam, or the +abruptness of my introducing it? If the latter, my peculiar situation, +being obliged to leave the city in a few days, will, I hope, be +my excuse; if the former, I will retire, for I am sure I would not +give a moment's inquietude to her whom I could devote my life to +please. I am not so indelicate as to seek your immediate approbation; +permit me only to be near you, and by a thousand +tender assiduities to endeavour to excite a grateful return.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I have a father, whom I would die to make happy; +he will disapprove—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Do you think me so ungenerous as to seek a place +in your esteem without his consent? You must—you ever +ought to consider that man as unworthy of you who seeks an +interest in your heart, contrary to a father's approbation. A +young lady should reflect that the loss of a lover may be supplied, +but nothing can compensate for the loss of a parent's affection. +Yet, why do you suppose your father would disapprove? In our +country, the affections are not sacrificed to riches or family-aggrandizement: +should you approve, my family is decent, and +my rank honourable.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> You distress me, sir.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Then I will sincerely beg your excuse for obtruding so +disagreeable a subject, and retire.</p> +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Going.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Stay, sir! your generosity and good opinion of me +deserve a return; but why must I declare what, for these few +hours, I have scarce suffered myself to think?—I am—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> What?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Engaged, sir; and, in a few days, to be married to +the gentleman you saw at your sister's.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Engaged to be married! And have I been basely +invading the rights of another? Why have you permitted this? +Is this the return for the partiality I declared for you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> You distress me, sir. What would you have me say? +You are too generous to wish the truth. Ought I to say that I +dared not suffer myself to think of my engagement, and that I +am going to give my hand without my heart? Would you have +me confess a partiality for you? If so, your triumph is complete, +and can be only more so when days of misery with the man I +cannot love will make me think of him whom I prefer.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_483" id="Page_483">[Pg 483]</a></span></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> [<i>After a pause.</i>]. We are both unhappy; but it is your +duty to obey your parent—mine to obey my honour. Let us, +therefore, both follow the path of rectitude; and of this we +may be assured, that if we are not happy, we shall, at least, +deserve to be so. Adieu! I dare not trust myself longer with +you.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exeunt severally.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>End of the Fourth Act.</i></p> + + + +<h3 class="center gap3"><a name="ACT_V" id="ACT_V"></a>ACT V.</h3> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> I. <i><span class="smcap">Dimple's</span> Lodgings.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Jessamy</span> [<i>meeting <span class="smcap">Jonathan</span></i>].</p> + +<p>Well, Mr. Jonathan, what success with the fair?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Why, such a tarnal cross tike you never saw! +You would have counted she had lived upon crab-apples and +vinegar for a fortnight. But what the rattle makes you look +so tarnation glum?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> I was thinking, Mr. Jonathan, what could be the +reason of her carrying herself so coolly to you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Coolly, do you call it? Why, I vow, she was fire-hot +angry: may be it was because I buss'd her.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> No, no, Mr. Jonathan; there must be some other +cause: I never yet knew a lady angry at being kissed.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, if it is not the young woman's bashfulness, +I vow I can't conceive why she shou'dn't like me.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> May be it is because you have not the graces, +Mr. Jonathan.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Grace! Why, does the young woman expect I +must be converted before I court her?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> I mean graces of person: for instance, my lord +tells us that we must cut off our nails even at top, in small segments +of circles—though you won't understand that—In the +next place, you must regulate your laugh.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Maple-log seize it! don't I laugh natural?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> That's the very fault, Mr. Jonathan. Besides, you +absolutely misplace it. I was told by a friend of mine that you +laughed outright at the play the other night, when you ought +only to have tittered.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_484" id="Page_484">[Pg 484]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Gor! I—what does one go to see fun for if they +can't laugh?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> You may laugh; but you must laugh by rule.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Swamp it—laugh by rule! Well, I should like +that tarnally.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Why, you know, Mr. Jonathan, that to dance, a +lady to play with her fan, or a gentleman with his cane, and all +other natural motions, are regulated by art. My master has +composed an immensely pretty gamut, by which any lady or +gentleman, with a few years' close application, may learn to +laugh as gracefully as if they were born and bred to it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Mercy on my soul! A gamut for laughing—just +like fa, la, sol?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Yes. It comprises every possible display of jocularity, +from an <i>affettuoso</i> smile to a <i>piano</i> titter, or full chorus +<i>fortissimo</i> ha, ha, ha! My master employs his leisure-hours in +marking out the plays, like a cathedral chanting-book, that the +ignorant may know where to laugh; and that pit, box, and +gallery may keep time together, and not have a snigger in one +part of the house, a broad grin in the other, and a d——d grum +look in the third. How delightful to see the audience all smile +together, then look on their books, then twist their mouths into +an agreeable simper, then altogether shake the house with a +general ha, ha, ha! loud as a full chorus of Handel's at an +Abbey-commemoration.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Ha, ha, ha! that's dang'd cute, I swear.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> The gentlemen, you see, will laugh the tenor; the +ladies will play the counter-tenor; the beaux will squeak the +treble; and our jolly friends in the gallery a thorough bass, ho, +ho, ho!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, can't you let me see that gamut?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Oh! yes, Mr. Jonathan; here it is. [<i>Takes out a +book.</i>] Oh! no, this is only a titter with its variations. Ah, here +it is. [<i>Takes out another.</i>] Now, you must know, Mr. Jonathan, +this is a piece written by Ben Johnson [<i>sic</i>], which I have set to +my master's gamut. The places where you must smile, look +grave, or laugh outright, are marked below the line. Now look +over me. "There was a certain man"—now you must smile.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Well, read it again; I warrant I'll mind my eye.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> "There was a certain man, who had a sad scolding +wife,"—now you must laugh.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_485" id="Page_485">[Pg 485]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Tarnation! That's no laughing matter though.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> "And she lay sick a-dying;"—now you must titter.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> What, snigger when the good woman's a-dying! +Gor, I—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> Yes, the notes say you must—"And she asked her +husband leave to make a will,"—now you must begin to look +grave;—"and her husband said"—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Aye, what did her husband say?—Something dang'd +cute, I reckon.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> "And her husband said, you have had your will all +your life-time, and would you have it after you are dead, too?"</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Ho, ho, ho! There the old man was even with her; +he was up to the notch—ha, ha, ha!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> But, Mr. Jonathan, you must not laugh so. Why, +you ought to have tittered <i>piano</i>, and you have laughed <i>fortissimo</i>. +Look here; you see these marks, A, B, C, and so on; these are the +references to the other part of the book. Let us turn to it, and +you will see the directions how to manage the muscles. This +[<i>Turns over.</i>] was note D you blundered at.—"You must purse +the mouth into a smile, then titter, discovering the lower part +of the three front upper teeth."</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> How? read it again.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> "There was a certain man"—very well!—"who had +a sad scolding wife,"—why don't you laugh?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Now, that scolding wife sticks in my gizzard so +pluckily that I can't laugh for the blood and nowns of me. Let +me look grave here, and I'll laugh your belly full, where the old +creature's a-dying.</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Jessamy.</span> "And she asked her husband"—[<i>Bell rings.</i>] My +master's bell! he's returned, I fear.—Here, Mr. Jonathan, take +this gamut; and I make no doubt but with a few years' close application, +you may be able to smile gracefully.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exeunt severally.</i></p> + + +<p class="center gap2"><span class="smcap">Scene</span> II. <i><span class="smcap">Charlotte's</span> Apartment.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Manly</span>.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> What, no one at home? How unfortunate to meet the +only lady my heart was ever moved by, to find her engaged to another, +and confessing her partiality for me! Yet engaged to a man +who, by her intimation, and his libertine conversation with me,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_486" id="Page_486">[Pg 486]</a></span> +I fear, does not merit her. Aye! there's the sting; for, were I +assured that Maria was happy, my heart is not so selfish but +that it would dilate in knowing it, even though it were with +another. But to know she is unhappy!—I must drive these +thoughts from me. Charlotte has some books; and this is what +I believe she calls her little library.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Enters a closet.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Dimple</span> leading <span class="smcap">Letitia</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> And will you pretend to say now, Mr. Dimple, that +you propose to break with Maria? Are not the banns published? +Are not the clothes purchased? Are not the friends invited? +In short, is it not a done affair?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Believe me, my dear Letitia, I would not marry her.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Why have you not broke with her before this, as you +all along deluded me by saying you would?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Because I was in hopes she would, ere this, have +broke with me.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> You could not expect it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Nay, but be calm a moment; 'twas from my regard +to you that I did not discard her.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Regard to me!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Yes; I have done everything in my power to break +with her, but the foolish girl is so fond of me that nothing can accomplish +it. Besides, how can I offer her my hand when my heart +is indissolubly engaged to you?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> There may be reason in this; but why so attentive to +Miss Manly?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Attentive to Miss Manly! For heaven's sake, if you +have no better opinion of my constancy, pay not so ill a compliment +to my taste.</p> + +<p>[<span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Did I not see you whisper to her to-day?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Possibly I might—but something of so very trifling a +nature that I have already forgot what it was.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> I believe she has not forgot it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> My dear creature,] how can you for a moment suppose +I should have any serious thoughts of that trifling, gay, flighty +coquette, that disagreeable—</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Charlotte</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> My dear Miss Manly, I rejoice to see you; there is +a charm in your conversation that always marks your entrance +into company as fortunate.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_487" id="Page_487">[Pg 487]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Where have you been, my dear?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Why, I have been about to twenty shops, turning +over pretty things, and so have left twenty visits unpaid. I +wish you would step into the carriage and whisk round, make +my apology, and leave my cards where our friends are not at +home; that, you know, will serve as a visit. Come, do go.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> So anxious to get me out! but I'll watch you. [<i>Aside.</i>] +Oh! yes, I'll go; I want a little exercise. Positively [<i><span class="smcap">Dimple</span> offering +to accompany her.</i>], Mr. Dimple, you shall not go; why, half +my visits are cake and caudle visits; it won't do, you know, +for you to go. [<i>Exit, but returns to the door in the back scene and listens.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> This attachment of your brother to Maria is fortunate.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> How did you come to the knowledge of it?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I read it in their eyes.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And I had it from her mouth. It would have +amused you to have seen her! She, that thought it so great an +impropriety to praise a gentleman that she could not bring out +one word in your favour, found a redundancy to praise him.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> I have done everything in my power to assist his passion +there: your delicacy, my dearest girl, would be shocked at +half the instances of neglect and misbehaviour.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I don't know how I should bear neglect; but Mr. +Dimple must misbehave himself indeed, to forfeit my good +opinion.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Your good opinion, my angel, is the pride and pleasure +of my heart; and if the most respectful tenderness for you, +and an utter indifference for all your sex besides, can make me +worthy of your esteem, I shall richly merit it.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> All my sex besides, Mr. Dimple!—you forgot your +<i>tête-à-tête</i> with Letitia.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> How can you, my lovely angel, cast a thought on that +insipid, wry-mouthed, ugly creature!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> But her fortune may have charms?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Not to a heart like mine. The man, who has been +blessed with the good opinion of my Charlotte, must despise the +allurements of fortune.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> I am satisfied.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Let us think no more on the odious subject, but devote +the present hour to happiness.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_488" id="Page_488">[Pg 488]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Can I be happy when I see the man I prefer going +to be married to another?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Have I not already satisfied my charming angel that +I can never think of marrying the puling Maria? But, even if it +were so, could that be any bar to our happiness? for, as the poet +sings,</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><i>Love, free as air, at sight of human ties,</i><br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>Spreads his light wings, and in a moment flies.</i><br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p class="befstagedir">Come, then, my charming angel! why delay our bliss? The +present moment is ours; the next is in the hand of fate.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Kissing her.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> Begone, sir! By your delusions you had almost +lulled my honour asleep.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Let me lull the demon to sleep again with kisses. [<i>He +struggles with her; she screams.</i>]</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Manly</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Turn, villain! and defend yourself. [<i>Draws.</i>]</p> + +<p class="center"><i><span class="smcap">Van Rough</span> enters and beats down their swords.</i></p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Is the devil in you? are you going to murder one +another?</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Holding <span class="smcap">Dimple</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Hold him, hold him,—I can command my passion.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Jonathan</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> What the rattle ails you? Is the old one in you? +let the Colonel alone, can't you? I feel chock full of fight,—do +you want to kill the Colonel?—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Be still, Jonathan; the gentleman does not want to +hurt me.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> Gor! I—I wish he did; I'd shew him yankee boys +play, pretty quick.—Don't you see you have frightened the young +woman into the <i>hystrikes</i>?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Pray, some of you explain this; what has been the +occasion of all this racket?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> That gentleman can explain it to you; it will be a very +diverting story for an intended father-in-law to hear.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> How was this matter, Mr. Van Dumpling?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Sir,—upon my honour,—all I know is, that I was talking +to this young lady, and this gentleman broke in on us in a very +extraordinary manner.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_489" id="Page_489">[Pg 489]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Why, all this is nothing to the purpose; can you +explain it, Miss? [<i>To <span class="smcap">Charlotte</span>.</i>]</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Letitia</span></i> [<i>through the back scene</i>].</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> I can explain it to that gentleman's confusion. Though +long betrothed to your daughter [<i>To <span class="smcap">Van Rough</span>.</i>], yet, allured by +my fortune, it seems (with shame do I speak it) he has privately +paid his addresses to me. I was drawn in to listen to him by +his assuring me that the match was made by his father without +his consent, and that he proposed to break with Maria, whether +he married me or not. But, whatever were his intentions +respecting your daughter, sir, even to me he was false; for he +has repeated the same story, with some cruel reflections upon my +person, to Miss Manly.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> What a tarnal curse!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> Nor is this all, Miss Manly. When he was with me +this very morning, he made the same ungenerous reflections upon +the weakness of your mind as he has so recently done upon the +defects of my person.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Jonathan.</span> What a tarnal curse and damn, too!</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Ha! since I have lost Letitia, I believe I had as good +make it up with Maria. Mr. Van Rough, at present I cannot +enter into particulars; but, I believe, I can explain everything to +your satisfaction in private.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> There is another matter, Mr. Van Dumpling, +which I would have you explain:—pray, sir, have Messrs. Van +Cash & Co. presented you those bills for acceptance?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> The deuce! Has he heard of those bills! Nay, then, +all's up with Maria, too; but an affair of this sort can never prejudice +me among the ladies; they will rather long to know what +the dear creature possesses to make him so agreeable. [<i>Aside.</i>] +Sir, you'll hear from me. [<i>To <span class="smcap">Manly</span>.</i>]</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> And you from me, sir.—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Sir, you wear a sword.—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Yes, sir. This sword was presented to me by that +brave Gallic hero, the Marquis <span class="smcap">De la Fayette</span>. I have drawn +it in the service of my country, and in private life, on the only +occasion where a man is justified in drawing his sword, in defence +of a lady's honour. I have fought too many battles in the +service of my country to dread the imputation of cowardice. +Death from a man of honour would be a glory you do not merit;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_490" id="Page_490">[Pg 490]</a></span> +you shall live to bear the insult of man and the contempt of +that sex whose general smiles afforded you all your happiness.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> You won't meet me, sir? Then I'll post you for a +coward.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I'll venture that, sir. The reputation of my life does +not depend upon the breath of a Mr. Dimple. I would have you +to know, however, sir, that I have a cane to chastise the insolence +of a scoundrel, and a sword and the good laws of my country to +protect me from the attempts of an assassin.—</p> + +<p class="befstagedir"><span class="smcap">Dimple.</span> Mighty well! Very fine, indeed! Ladies and gentlemen, +I take my leave; and you will please to observe, in the case of +my deportment, the contrast between a gentleman who has read +Chesterfield and received the polish of Europe, and an unpolished, +untravelled American.</p> + +<p class="stagedir"> [<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p class="center"><i>Enter <span class="smcap">Maria</span>.</i></p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Is he indeed gone?—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> I hope, never to return.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> I am glad I heard of those bills; though it's +plaguy unlucky; I hoped to see Mary married before I died.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Will you permit a gentleman, sir, to offer himself as a +suitor to your daughter? Though a stranger to you, he is not +altogether so to her, or unknown in the city. You may find a son-in-law +of more fortune, but you can never meet with one who is +richer in love for her, or respect for you.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Why, Mary, you have not let this gentleman +make love to you without my leave?</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> I did not say, sir—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> Say, sir!—I—the gentleman, to be sure, met me +accidentally.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Ha, ha, ha! Mark me, Mary; young folks think +old folks to be fools; but old folks know young folks to be fools. +Why, I knew all about this affair:—This was only a cunning way I +had to bring it about. Hark ye! I was in the closet when you and +he were at our house. [<i>Turns to the company.</i>] I heard that +little baggage say she loved her old father, and would die to make +him happy! Oh! how I loved the little baggage!—And you +talked very prudently, young man. I have inquired into your +character, and find you to be a man of punctuality and mind the +main chance. And so, as you love Mary, and Mary loves you, +shall have my consent immediately to be married. I'll<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_491" id="Page_491">[Pg 491]</a></span> +settle my fortune on you, and go and live with you the remainder +of my life.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> Sir, I hope—</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Van Rough.</span> Come, come, no fine speeches; mind the main +chance, young man, and you and I shall always agree.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Letitia.</span> I sincerely wish you joy [<i>Advancing to <span class="smcap">Maria</span>.</i>]; and +hope your pardon for my conduct.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> I thank you for your congratulations, and hope we +shall at once forget the wretch who has given us so much disquiet, +and the trouble that he has occasioned.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> And I, my dear Maria,—how shall I look up to +you for forgiveness? I, who, in the practice of the meanest arts, +have violated the most sacred rights of friendship? I can never +forgive myself, or hope charity from the world; but, I confess, +I have much to hope from such a brother; and I am happy that +I may soon say, such a sister.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Maria.</span> My dear, you distress me; you have all my love.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> And mine.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Charlotte.</span> If repentance can entitle me to forgiveness, I +have already much merit; for I despise the littleness of my past +conduct. I now find that the heart of any worthy man cannot be +gained by invidious attacks upon the rights and characters of +others;—by countenancing the addresses of a thousand;—or that +the finest assemblage of features, the greatest taste in dress, the +genteelest address, or the most brilliant wit, cannot eventually +secure a coquette from contempt and ridicule.</p> + +<p><span class="smcap">Manly.</span> And I have learned that probity, virtue, honour, +though they should not have received the polish of Europe, +will secure to an honest American the good graces of his fair +countrywomen, and, I hope, the applause of <span class="smcap">the Public</span>.</p> + +<p class="center"><i>The End.</i></p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> The omitted passages in the First Edition, indicated by inverted commas, are +here enclosed in heavy brackets.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> A page reproduction of the original music is given in the Dunlap reprint of +this play.</p></div> + +</div> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Contrast, by Royall Tyler + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CONTRAST *** + +***** This file should be named 29228-h.htm or 29228-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/2/2/29228/ + +Produced by David Starner, Brownfox and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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