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- The Project Gutenberg eBook of Has Anybody Here Seen Kelly?, by Kenneth O'Hara
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-<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30086 ***</div>
-
-<div class="figl"><img src="images/001.png" width="178" height="550" alt="" title="" /></div>
-
-<div class="hd1"><p><big><i>The body tanks had to be replenished and the ship had to
-be serviced—and the crew was having a Lotus dream in its
-bed of protoplasm. But Kelly knew how to arouse them....</i></big></p></div>
-
-<h1><i><span class="sp1">Has Anybody<br />
-Here Seen<br />
-Kelly?</span></i></h1>
-
-<h2>By Kenneth O'Hara</h2>
-
-<p class="hd1">Illustrated by Paul Orban</p>
-
-<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The Crew</span> pulsed with contentment,
-and its communal
-singing brought a pleasant kind of
-glow that throbbed gently in the
-control room.</p>
-
-<p>"'Has anybody here seen Kelly ... K-E-double-L-Y?'"</p>
-
-<p>"Shut up and dig my thought!"
-Kelly's stubborn will insisted. "I'm
-going on out for a while!"</p>
-
-<p>The delicate loom of the Crew's
-light pattern increased its frequency
-a little and the song stopped. "Better
-not," the Crew said.</p>
-
-<p>"But why not?"</p>
-
-<p>"No need."</p>
-
-<p>"We could be running into something
-bad," Kelly thought.</p>
-
-<p>"No danger now, Kelly. Checking
-the ship is just a waste of time."</p>
-
-<p>"How can you waste what you
-have so damn much of?" Kelly
-thought.</p>
-
-<p>"Do not leave us again, Kelly.
-We love you and you are the most
-interesting part of the Crew when
-you're with it."</p>
-
-<p>"The ship ought to be checked.
-Our bodies ought to be looked at."</p>
-
-<p>"We know there is no danger
-any more, Kelly. Do not go. There
-are so many interesting experiences
-we have not even begun to share
-yet. We are only half way through
-your life and we have not even
-started to experience your impressions
-of your colorful and complex
-Earth culture. And we have not
-even started on the adult lives of
-Lakrit or Lljub. Come back with
-your Crew, Kelly."</p>
-
-<p>"But no one's checked the ship
-for over a year!"</p>
-
-<p>"Please do not worry about the
-ship, Kelly. In fifty years nothing
-has gone wrong. We can trust the
-ship thoroughly now, it will take
-care of us."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>It</i> will take care of <i>us</i>! That's
-a helluva way to look at it!"</p>
-
-<p>"There can be no danger now,
-Kelly. In fifty years we have encountered
-every conceivable danger,
-every imaginable kind of world
-or possible menace."</p>
-
-<p>"Have we?" Kelly thought.
-"Every danger from outside maybe,
-and I'm not even sure of that. But
-how about danger from inside?"</p>
-
-<p>"Inside?"</p>
-
-<p>"Us. How about apathy for instance?
-Apathy's a real danger. You
-talk about this space-can like it was
-a big metal mother! Listen, I'm
-supposed to see that this tub holds
-together. At least until we get back
-somewhere near enough to the
-Solar system so we'll feel we've
-been somewhere else!"</p>
-
-<p>"But, Kelly—"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm getting out for a while, I
-tell you!"</p>
-
-<p>"All right," the Crew sighed. The
-light loom faded a bit, down to a
-self-indulgent glow. "Hurry back to
-us, Kelly."</p>
-
-<p>"I'll give some thought to it."</p>
-
-<p>So Kelly concentrated on the increasingly
-painful and difficult task
-of tearing his consciousness free of
-the big glob of protoplasm in the
-tank, and getting it back into his
-body that hibernated in the bunkroom.</p>
-
-<p>As usual the switch was too painful.
-It stretched and stretched and
-finally snapped in an all too familiar
-explosion of shocking light.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">His bones</span> creaked. His skin
-rustled as he sat up and
-looked around. There was the old
-feeling that there was dust over
-everything when there was no dust.
-There was all that emptiness sweeping
-away into the endless silence
-and he thought again, as he always
-did, how comforting and cozy it
-was being a part of the Crew.</p>
-
-<p>But someone had to check the
-ship. It was only machinery after
-all, and machinery could wear out,
-sooner or later. And he wasn't at
-all sure, as he kept insisting, that
-they had encountered all the possible
-dangers.</p>
-
-<p>It might seem that in fifty years
-you could run into everything. But
-fifty years was no time at all out
-here where time had no real meaning
-any more.</p>
-
-<p>His body squeaked as he took a
-few tentative steps about the bunkroom.
-One did not actually forget
-how to walk. It was just awkward
-as the devil. And the blood, the entire
-autonomic system, tended to
-slow down. It seemed reluctant to
-step up general metabolism.</p>
-
-<p>Apathy. Sure it was a danger.
-This time, Kelly decided, I'll do
-something about it. He was the engineer
-and he had signed on the
-great odyssey to keep the ship going.
-But the Crew was part of the
-ship. Was not there an obligation
-even greater to keep the Crew going?</p>
-
-<p>The four others lived but almost
-imperceptibly in some very low
-state of slowed metabolism there in
-the bunkroom and Kelly looked at
-them. The faithful and the wonderful
-ones. The ones with whom he
-had shared so many dangers and
-awful silences that the five of them
-had been able to evolve the idea of
-the protoplasm in the tank and
-merge their consciousness in it.</p>
-
-<p>Kew, the Venusian, in her bowl
-of self-renewing nitrate. Lakrit from
-a Jovian satellite, a fluorine fellow
-of distinction inside a sphere of
-gaseous sulphur. A crystalline character
-with a sense of humor named
-Lljub, whose form gave off a paled
-glint as it nourished itself on silicates.
-And a highly intelligent but
-humble six-foot-long sponge labeled
-Urdaz stuck in a foundation of
-chemical sediment at the bottom of
-a tank of reprocessing salt water.</p>
-
-<p>Each with their own special kind
-of appendages and sensitivities,
-each able to move his special closed-system
-about through the ship by
-means of clever types of mobility.</p>
-
-<p>But basically, in outward form,
-they were too alien to have much
-in common. Only as intelligences,
-as life forces, could they share a
-common bed. And it had evolved
-to that in fifty years. A bed of protoplasm
-in a shock-absorbent tank.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly looked at them warmly and
-thought about how it had worked
-out. The strange thing was that it
-did have a lot of good things to
-recommend it. Or had had them.
-It had solved the problem of intimate
-communication and driven
-back the tides of loneliness. It had
-lessened the dangers of mental and
-physical illnesses in the material
-bodies and assured a prolongation
-of the life of each body, which was
-important in itself, for this trip had
-proven to be a lot longer than
-even the most pessimistic had anticipated.</p>
-
-<p>The Crew, pulsing in its tank,
-Kelly thought oddly, is a new life
-form. One that had evolved to meet
-the exigencies of deep space which
-had proven to be alien to any
-adaptability common to any world
-that rotated through it.</p>
-
-<p>But maybe they were too damn
-happy, Kelly thought. Too contented.
-If they ran into a real
-emergency now, the ship would be
-finished. The Crew in the tank
-was, itself, incapable of action of
-any overt kind. It could not manipulate
-anything. It could only be
-happy.</p>
-
-<p>And the bodies here in the bunkroom
-could not rally fast enough
-to meet a sudden crisis.</p>
-
-<p>And they had agreed that the
-first law was survival.</p>
-
-<p>But to survive this way might
-well mean destruction in another.</p>
-
-<p>So Kelly walked and thought
-about it, and weighed the precarious
-balance.</p>
-
-<p>He slipped through the silent
-ship and to the control room. He
-peered into the viewscope. Some
-galaxy or other spun its giant pinwheel
-outward toward some destiny
-of its own. The high noon of the
-endlessness had been unfamiliar for
-years. He checked the ship's instruments.
-The Crew in the big tank
-simmered and throbbed in its introspective
-bliss, utterly oblivious to
-Kelly now.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly saw the red dwarf a few
-hundred million kilos away. Three
-planets ground their familiar path
-around it. The second in distance
-had a breathable oxygen, according
-to the scopes, but little else to
-recommend it.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly straightened up. He had no
-idea when the plan had really
-started forming, but now it was
-formed. When Kelly made up his
-mind to a thing, there was no other
-course but to conclude it. He knew
-what he had to do.</p>
-
-<p>Somehow, even as part of the
-Crew, some part of Kelly had been
-able to keep that forming plan a
-secret. Which was a lucky miracle,
-for if the Crew had known his intentions
-it would certainly not have
-let him out this time.</p>
-
-<p>Even if you wanted out, Kelly
-reasoned, the Crew would keep you
-in. And maybe after long enough
-you did not care to get out. But
-once out, he wondered, could it
-keep you out if it decided to blackball
-a man for one reason or another?</p>
-
-<p>Like wrecking the ship?</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">In the chrome</span> strip above
-the control panel, Kelly saw his
-face grinning strangely back at him,
-a bearded, hollowed, paled face
-with an unfamiliar glitter in the
-eyes. Every time he had left the
-Crew to enter and reactivate his
-own body, that body had seemed a
-little less familiar. This time it
-seemed to be almost entirely someone
-else.</p>
-
-<p>He stared at the face in the
-chrome, then whispered the hell
-with that and he flipped the controls
-over to manual. He sat down.
-Behind him, the Crew whispered in
-its tank, protoplasm developed in
-the labs and quivering now with
-some unified sensation that was
-purely subjective and blissfully unconcerned
-with what happened outside
-itself.</p>
-
-<p>"It's sick," Kelly concluded, with
-an emphatic clamp of his jaws.
-"It's not right!"</p>
-
-<p>True, sharing the intimate sensations
-of alien life forms like Kew,
-the female Venusian, had been exciting.
-Especially the sex experiences
-which, in a flower of Kew's
-type, was certainly something.
-There were interesting things to
-being a part of the Crew all right.
-But the main purpose, survival, had
-been forgotten. Now being the Crew
-was an end in itself. Kelly could
-imagine the Crew business going on
-and on until finally even the material
-bodies in the bunkroom would
-be forgotten entirely and allowed to
-rot away to dust about which the
-Crew would no longer care.</p>
-
-<p>And that was very bad. It should
-not have worked out this way. But
-it was not too late to do something,
-shake them out of the Lotus
-dream.</p>
-
-<p>He checked the scopes again.
-Now the second planet revealed
-plenty of breathable atmosphere
-settled in the lower valleys. He
-headed straight for it.</p>
-
-<p>The Crew was soon going to get
-one devil of a jolt!</p>
-
-<p>He put the ship into a close orbit
-around the planet. It seemed nothing
-but a fearsome forest of oxydized
-spikes rising in corrosive silence,
-with here and there a lean
-slash of valley. There was no indication
-of life, no vegetation visible
-or revealed by the scopes. One of
-the valleys had a thin mouth of
-water stretching down the length
-of its face. Kelly set the speed and
-the controls and ran for the bunkroom
-and the shock-absorbent
-cushions. He strapped himself in
-and waited.</p>
-
-<p>It was done. As long as the thing
-had gone so far, Kelly decided, the
-truth should never be revealed because
-that would lessen the therapeutic
-value of his action. He would
-wreck the ship. Not too badly. Not
-so badly that all of the bodies, distinct,
-separate individual bodies
-again, couldn't put the ship back
-together, as in the old days. And
-that would keep them in their
-bodies gladly for a while where they
-belonged! Where the good Lord
-had intended for them to stay.</p>
-
-<p>They would not be rocked away
-to apathy in a phony metal mother
-womb, thinking the ship was going
-to take care of <i>them</i>!</p>
-
-<p>The more Kelly thought about it,
-the better he felt. He stretched inside
-the straps. He felt his slightly
-atrophied muscles luxuriate over
-the tissues and bones of his big
-frame.</p>
-
-<p>Any body, no matter what its
-shape, should be proud of itself.
-That was Kelly's belief, and this
-thing that had happened seemed
-somewhat blasphemous. Without
-bodies and their complex sensory
-recording apparatus, the rich consciousness
-enjoyed by the Crew
-could not exist, would never have
-been created at all. The Crew was
-living off the largesse of experience
-built up by their bodies. The Crew
-was just narcotized enough that it
-did not realize that the body banks
-had to be replenished.</p>
-
-<p>Metal shrieked.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly yelled feebly. He fought,
-he grappled with the threatening
-blackout like a man fighting an invisible
-opponent on an endless
-flight of stairs.</p>
-
-<p>The grinding rolling terror of the
-sound, the ripping, twisting, tearing
-scream of it cried on and on. Kelly
-knew one thing then.</p>
-
-<p>He had not figured it right. His
-calculations were off. <i>The ship had
-hit too damn hard.</i></p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Later</span>, when he managed to get
-the straps off and tried to move,
-he fell painfully onto the tilted
-deck. One of his eyes felt sticky.
-He rubbed at it and his hand was
-smeared with blood.</p>
-
-<p>He shuffled around in a stumbling
-circle. Minor damages could
-have been repaired. But this—the
-ship was peeled open in glaring
-strips like a breakfast cannister. A
-cold wind moaned through the ship
-that was now nothing but a metal
-sieve. A hazy light filtered down
-and ran off the metal like cold flour
-rust.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly fell to his knees. "Kew," he
-whispered. "Lljub, Urdaz—Lakrit...."</p>
-
-<p>The Venusian flower lady was
-sliced down the middle like a cabbage,
-and the nitrate bowl was
-shattered and Kew was dead in a
-pool of fading green blood.</p>
-
-<p>Smashed into the bulkhead was
-Lakrit's sulphuric bathtub, and his
-atmosphere had already filtered
-away with the wind to wherever it
-was going. Lljub's pale glow was
-out for good, and his crystalline
-heart was as opaque as a dead eye.
-Only a few pieces of Urdaz's tank
-were visible, and Urdaz himself had
-already turned to a powdery food
-that the wind ate slowly in long
-trailing streamers.</p>
-
-<p>"What—what in the name of
-God have I done?" Kelly whispered.</p>
-
-<p>All dead—</p>
-
-<p>No! He slammed at the bulkhead
-until the warped metal gave
-and he ran to the control room.
-The Crew—the Crew—</p>
-
-<p>He stared at the tank.</p>
-
-<p>Through a jagged opening in the
-ship's walls, the wind whined and
-plucked at Kelly's red hair. The
-wind was colder now. He kept on
-looking at the tank. He reached out
-and touched the big transparent
-curve of it and then jerked his hand
-back with a whimper in his breath.</p>
-
-<p>There was nothing in the tank,
-nothing but a blob of slowly drying
-slime. He pressed his nose to the
-tank. "Crew—" he whispered.</p>
-
-<p>There was no life in the slime.
-When he pounded on the tank, the
-stuff collapsed in upon itself in
-withering flatness.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly yelled. The cold wind
-froze at his teeth. It sucked at his
-breath and dried at the interior of
-his mouth. He ran and climbed.
-The jagged periphery of the opening
-sliced at his flesh. But he did
-not feel it, and he fell twenty feet,
-without feeling that either, down
-the side of the ship. He started
-crawling over the hard naked belly
-of the rock.</p>
-
-<p>He got to his feet. He ran stumbling
-down an incline of shale worn
-round and shiny by the wind that
-had blown here just as it blew now,
-and would blow for God alone
-possibly knew how long. He fell
-and rolled to the edge of the water.</p>
-
-<p>He looked into it. He felt of it.
-He jerked his hand away. The stuff
-was icy. But it was worse than icy.
-It was dead. It was dead water. It
-was without any bottom, and without
-any life in it anywhere. You
-could tell by looking into it. The
-wind moved over the top of it as
-though the water were glass, and
-the water was the color of a slightly
-transparent naked blue steel.</p>
-
-<p>There was no life here. Maybe
-there had been once, who knew
-when, who could guess how long
-ago. But there was none now and
-even the water had forgotten it.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly cried out as he stood up.
-"What have I done?" He raised
-his arms at the hazy red sun lying
-over the spires of towering stone
-and metal like a bloated balloon
-scraping precariously over rusty
-spikes. "God, what have I done?"</p>
-
-<p>The cry echoed tinnily on the
-rocks and fled on the wind.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly ran for a long way, falling
-and stumbling and getting up
-again. Kelly had always had one
-primary drive, and that was to keep
-going, no matter what. So now he
-tried to keep going.</p>
-
-<p>But there was no life on this
-planet. He had known that before.
-Some strange kinds of intelligence
-could tolerate some unpleasant
-worlds. But nothing would live
-here.</p>
-
-<p>Nothing <i>could</i> live here.</p>
-
-<p>"That's your fate," Kelly thought.
-He sat down and stared at the walls
-of rock and metal all around. "Your
-fate, Kelly. Your punishment, your
-well deserved hell."</p>
-
-<p>That was what it was. Retribution.
-And knowing that, he tried
-not to care. He tried to be glad and
-face what he deserved.</p>
-
-<p>If that were not the answer, then
-why had only Kelly been spared to
-face emptiness and silence and no
-life, all alone?</p>
-
-<p>The irony of it was that he would
-go on as long as possible keeping
-himself alive in his own hell. There
-was food aplenty in the ship,
-enough to last as long as hell cared
-to have him.</p>
-
-<p>He turned and started walking
-back toward the ship that seemed
-some five miles away. At that instant,
-the ship disappeared in an
-abrupt explosion that twisted the
-rocks, and a mushroom cloud flowered
-gently above the lake as Kelly
-fell trembling on his belly and
-hugged the ground and pushed his
-face into the shale, while the wind
-tore and screamed around him and
-particles of flint ripped his clothes
-and slashed at his flesh.</p>
-
-<hr />
-
-<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">He did not</span> bother walking
-much farther toward where
-the ship had been. There was only
-a crater there now which would
-offer him nothing in the way of sustaining
-his very personal and thoroughly
-private hell.</p>
-
-<p>He walked. The effort became
-more difficult and finally he was on
-his hands and knees, crawling. The
-wind sucked at his ripped clothes,
-and felt like cold sharp steel in his
-raw wounds. But slowly and deliberately
-he continued to crawl.</p>
-
-<p>Kelly had always had the idea
-that a man should keep going and
-so now he kept on going. Even if
-there was no place to go, and you
-could not remember particularly
-where you had been, you kept on
-moving and fighting and slugging
-along until you could no longer
-move.</p>
-
-<p>He lay there looking up at the
-hazy rust of the sky with the naked
-spires pointing up into it for no
-reason at all, because there was
-nothing up there.</p>
-
-<p>He had been there and he knew.
-Nothing up there but space, black
-and without a beginning or end. He
-had not even checked the records
-of the ship so that now, lying here,
-he did not even know how far away
-from Earth he was. At the speed
-they had traveled, a ship went a
-long way in fifty years. But the ship,
-the records, everything was lost.</p>
-
-<p>And no one would ever know
-now how far they had come.</p>
-
-<p>Or gone. What was the difference,
-anyway?</p>
-
-<p>But Kelly had no difficulty in remembering
-<i>why</i> they had come.</p>
-
-<p>They had come into space because
-that was how it was with
-those who fought their way up to
-being the dominate life form of
-whatever world they had lived on
-and grown and died on. If you
-were the kind who went into space,
-you went because space was there.</p>
-
-<p>Who needed a better reason than
-that?</p>
-
-<p>"Kew," he whispered. "Lakrit,
-Lljub, Urdaz, listen now—I thought
-I was doing the right thing—maybe
-my idea was right—but I just made
-a mistake in the calculations. I just
-made a helluva mistake—"</p>
-
-<p>The wind sighed over the naked
-rock and the rusted metal and the
-rock and the dead blue water.</p>
-
-<p>He turned and pushed his head
-against the rock, and his body
-curled up against the bitter wind.
-"You've got to forgive me," he
-said.</p>
-
-<p>"'<i>Has anybody here seen Kelly?
-K-E-double-L-Y?</i>'"</p>
-
-<p>He shivered and kept his eyes
-closed. It was part of the wind. He
-did not want to go out that way,
-hearing crazy voices in the wind.</p>
-
-<p>"'Has anybody here seen
-Kelly—?'"</p>
-
-<p>He raised his head and blinked
-and the wind drove tears down his
-cheeks.</p>
-
-<p>"Am I just hearing something
-that's going crazy inside my head?"
-He peered around. There was nothing,
-nothing anywhere of course,
-nothing where nothing had ever
-been, and nothing else but nothing
-could ever be.</p>
-
-<p>"You're wrong, Kelly. Your
-Crew's here."</p>
-
-<p>Kelly raised himself painfully to
-an elbow. "Where—<i>where</i>?"</p>
-
-<p>"Right here, Kelly. We had a
-difficult time locating you. Sure, we
-forgive you. You were trying to do
-what was right. We know that."</p>
-
-<p>"There's nothing—nothing—"
-Kelly said.</p>
-
-<p>"You're wrong. The Crew's here
-and we're waiting."</p>
-
-<p>He stared at the rock. He put his
-face against it and pushed his
-hands to it. There was a kind of
-dull glow in it, a faint hint of
-warmth in the rock.</p>
-
-<p>"How can this be?" Kelly said.</p>
-
-<p>"This is the life here, Kelly. Perhaps
-there is life everywhere in the
-most impossible seeming places.
-And where life is, Kelly, we can
-live with it and be welcomed by it.
-Here, this rock is life, and it has
-taken us in. It has been here a long
-time. And it will be here for a much
-longer time."</p>
-
-<p>"Rock," Kelly said.</p>
-
-<p>"But hurry and come back."</p>
-
-<p>"But no one will ever know.
-How long—how long can we wait?"</p>
-
-<p>"Who can answer that, Kelly?
-But maybe they will find the Crew
-someday."</p>
-
-<p>Kelly looked up once at the completely
-unfamiliar distances growing
-darker. Sometime, he thought,
-they'll come from wherever Earth
-is and find the Crew of the ship,
-find a rock here waiting the ages
-out.</p>
-
-<p>"Hurry, Kelly!"</p>
-
-<p>His head dropped against the
-rock. His hands slid down it, and a
-smile moved over his lips and froze
-there as the wind whispered over it.</p>
-
-<p class="rgt"><b>··· THE END</b></p>
-
-<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="136" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div>
-
-<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p>
-
-<p>This etext was produced from <i>If Worlds of Science Fiction</i> July 1954.
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
-copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
-typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div>
-
-<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30086 ***</div>
-</body>
-</html>
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=UTF-8" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Has Anybody Here Seen Kelly?, by Kenneth O'Hara + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; text-align: justify; margin-bottom: .75em;} + h1,h2,.hd1 {text-align: center; font-weight: normal;} + hr {width: 45%; margin: 2em auto; visibility: hidden;} + body {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .rgt {text-align: right; margin-top: 2em;} + .figl {float: left; clear: left; margin: 0 1em 1em 0; padding: 0; width: 178px;} + img {border: none;} + a:link,a:visited {text-decoration: none;} + p.cap:first-letter {float: left; margin-right: .05em; padding-top: .05em; font-size: 300%; line-height: .8em; width: auto;} + .dcap {text-transform: uppercase;} + .figt {float: left; clear: left; margin: 15px; padding: 0; width: 136px;} + .trn {border: solid 1px; margin: 3em 15%; min-height: 230px;} + .trn p {margin: 15px;} + .hd1 {margin-bottom: 2em;} + .sp1 {font-size: 125%;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> +<div>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30086 ***</div> + +<div class="figl"><img src="images/001.png" width="178" height="550" alt="" title="" /></div> + +<div class="hd1"><p><big><i>The body tanks had to be replenished and the ship had to +be serviced—and the crew was having a Lotus dream in its +bed of protoplasm. But Kelly knew how to arouse them....</i></big></p></div> + +<h1><i><span class="sp1">Has Anybody<br /> +Here Seen<br /> +Kelly?</span></i></h1> + +<h2>By Kenneth O'Hara</h2> + +<p class="hd1">Illustrated by Paul Orban</p> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">The Crew</span> pulsed with contentment, +and its communal +singing brought a pleasant kind of +glow that throbbed gently in the +control room.</p> + +<p>"'Has anybody here seen Kelly ... K-E-double-L-Y?'"</p> + +<p>"Shut up and dig my thought!" +Kelly's stubborn will insisted. "I'm +going on out for a while!"</p> + +<p>The delicate loom of the Crew's +light pattern increased its frequency +a little and the song stopped. "Better +not," the Crew said.</p> + +<p>"But why not?"</p> + +<p>"No need."</p> + +<p>"We could be running into something +bad," Kelly thought.</p> + +<p>"No danger now, Kelly. Checking +the ship is just a waste of time."</p> + +<p>"How can you waste what you +have so damn much of?" Kelly +thought.</p> + +<p>"Do not leave us again, Kelly. +We love you and you are the most +interesting part of the Crew when +you're with it."</p> + +<p>"The ship ought to be checked. +Our bodies ought to be looked at."</p> + +<p>"We know there is no danger +any more, Kelly. Do not go. There +are so many interesting experiences +we have not even begun to share +yet. We are only half way through +your life and we have not even +started to experience your impressions +of your colorful and complex +Earth culture. And we have not +even started on the adult lives of +Lakrit or Lljub. Come back with +your Crew, Kelly."</p> + +<p>"But no one's checked the ship +for over a year!"</p> + +<p>"Please do not worry about the +ship, Kelly. In fifty years nothing +has gone wrong. We can trust the +ship thoroughly now, it will take +care of us."</p> + +<p>"<i>It</i> will take care of <i>us</i>! That's +a helluva way to look at it!"</p> + +<p>"There can be no danger now, +Kelly. In fifty years we have encountered +every conceivable danger, +every imaginable kind of world +or possible menace."</p> + +<p>"Have we?" Kelly thought. +"Every danger from outside maybe, +and I'm not even sure of that. But +how about danger from inside?"</p> + +<p>"Inside?"</p> + +<p>"Us. How about apathy for instance? +Apathy's a real danger. You +talk about this space-can like it was +a big metal mother! Listen, I'm +supposed to see that this tub holds +together. At least until we get back +somewhere near enough to the +Solar system so we'll feel we've +been somewhere else!"</p> + +<p>"But, Kelly—"</p> + +<p>"I'm getting out for a while, I +tell you!"</p> + +<p>"All right," the Crew sighed. The +light loom faded a bit, down to a +self-indulgent glow. "Hurry back to +us, Kelly."</p> + +<p>"I'll give some thought to it."</p> + +<p>So Kelly concentrated on the increasingly +painful and difficult task +of tearing his consciousness free of +the big glob of protoplasm in the +tank, and getting it back into his +body that hibernated in the bunkroom.</p> + +<p>As usual the switch was too painful. +It stretched and stretched and +finally snapped in an all too familiar +explosion of shocking light.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">His bones</span> creaked. His skin +rustled as he sat up and +looked around. There was the old +feeling that there was dust over +everything when there was no dust. +There was all that emptiness sweeping +away into the endless silence +and he thought again, as he always +did, how comforting and cozy it +was being a part of the Crew.</p> + +<p>But someone had to check the +ship. It was only machinery after +all, and machinery could wear out, +sooner or later. And he wasn't at +all sure, as he kept insisting, that +they had encountered all the possible +dangers.</p> + +<p>It might seem that in fifty years +you could run into everything. But +fifty years was no time at all out +here where time had no real meaning +any more.</p> + +<p>His body squeaked as he took a +few tentative steps about the bunkroom. +One did not actually forget +how to walk. It was just awkward +as the devil. And the blood, the entire +autonomic system, tended to +slow down. It seemed reluctant to +step up general metabolism.</p> + +<p>Apathy. Sure it was a danger. +This time, Kelly decided, I'll do +something about it. He was the engineer +and he had signed on the +great odyssey to keep the ship going. +But the Crew was part of the +ship. Was not there an obligation +even greater to keep the Crew going?</p> + +<p>The four others lived but almost +imperceptibly in some very low +state of slowed metabolism there in +the bunkroom and Kelly looked at +them. The faithful and the wonderful +ones. The ones with whom he +had shared so many dangers and +awful silences that the five of them +had been able to evolve the idea of +the protoplasm in the tank and +merge their consciousness in it.</p> + +<p>Kew, the Venusian, in her bowl +of self-renewing nitrate. Lakrit from +a Jovian satellite, a fluorine fellow +of distinction inside a sphere of +gaseous sulphur. A crystalline character +with a sense of humor named +Lljub, whose form gave off a paled +glint as it nourished itself on silicates. +And a highly intelligent but +humble six-foot-long sponge labeled +Urdaz stuck in a foundation of +chemical sediment at the bottom of +a tank of reprocessing salt water.</p> + +<p>Each with their own special kind +of appendages and sensitivities, +each able to move his special closed-system +about through the ship by +means of clever types of mobility.</p> + +<p>But basically, in outward form, +they were too alien to have much +in common. Only as intelligences, +as life forces, could they share a +common bed. And it had evolved +to that in fifty years. A bed of protoplasm +in a shock-absorbent tank.</p> + +<p>Kelly looked at them warmly and +thought about how it had worked +out. The strange thing was that it +did have a lot of good things to +recommend it. Or had had them. +It had solved the problem of intimate +communication and driven +back the tides of loneliness. It had +lessened the dangers of mental and +physical illnesses in the material +bodies and assured a prolongation +of the life of each body, which was +important in itself, for this trip had +proven to be a lot longer than +even the most pessimistic had anticipated.</p> + +<p>The Crew, pulsing in its tank, +Kelly thought oddly, is a new life +form. One that had evolved to meet +the exigencies of deep space which +had proven to be alien to any +adaptability common to any world +that rotated through it.</p> + +<p>But maybe they were too damn +happy, Kelly thought. Too contented. +If they ran into a real +emergency now, the ship would be +finished. The Crew in the tank +was, itself, incapable of action of +any overt kind. It could not manipulate +anything. It could only be +happy.</p> + +<p>And the bodies here in the bunkroom +could not rally fast enough +to meet a sudden crisis.</p> + +<p>And they had agreed that the +first law was survival.</p> + +<p>But to survive this way might +well mean destruction in another.</p> + +<p>So Kelly walked and thought +about it, and weighed the precarious +balance.</p> + +<p>He slipped through the silent +ship and to the control room. He +peered into the viewscope. Some +galaxy or other spun its giant pinwheel +outward toward some destiny +of its own. The high noon of the +endlessness had been unfamiliar for +years. He checked the ship's instruments. +The Crew in the big tank +simmered and throbbed in its introspective +bliss, utterly oblivious to +Kelly now.</p> + +<p>Kelly saw the red dwarf a few +hundred million kilos away. Three +planets ground their familiar path +around it. The second in distance +had a breathable oxygen, according +to the scopes, but little else to +recommend it.</p> + +<p>Kelly straightened up. He had no +idea when the plan had really +started forming, but now it was +formed. When Kelly made up his +mind to a thing, there was no other +course but to conclude it. He knew +what he had to do.</p> + +<p>Somehow, even as part of the +Crew, some part of Kelly had been +able to keep that forming plan a +secret. Which was a lucky miracle, +for if the Crew had known his intentions +it would certainly not have +let him out this time.</p> + +<p>Even if you wanted out, Kelly +reasoned, the Crew would keep you +in. And maybe after long enough +you did not care to get out. But +once out, he wondered, could it +keep you out if it decided to blackball +a man for one reason or another?</p> + +<p>Like wrecking the ship?</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">In the chrome</span> strip above +the control panel, Kelly saw his +face grinning strangely back at him, +a bearded, hollowed, paled face +with an unfamiliar glitter in the +eyes. Every time he had left the +Crew to enter and reactivate his +own body, that body had seemed a +little less familiar. This time it +seemed to be almost entirely someone +else.</p> + +<p>He stared at the face in the +chrome, then whispered the hell +with that and he flipped the controls +over to manual. He sat down. +Behind him, the Crew whispered in +its tank, protoplasm developed in +the labs and quivering now with +some unified sensation that was +purely subjective and blissfully unconcerned +with what happened outside +itself.</p> + +<p>"It's sick," Kelly concluded, with +an emphatic clamp of his jaws. +"It's not right!"</p> + +<p>True, sharing the intimate sensations +of alien life forms like Kew, +the female Venusian, had been exciting. +Especially the sex experiences +which, in a flower of Kew's +type, was certainly something. +There were interesting things to +being a part of the Crew all right. +But the main purpose, survival, had +been forgotten. Now being the Crew +was an end in itself. Kelly could +imagine the Crew business going on +and on until finally even the material +bodies in the bunkroom would +be forgotten entirely and allowed to +rot away to dust about which the +Crew would no longer care.</p> + +<p>And that was very bad. It should +not have worked out this way. But +it was not too late to do something, +shake them out of the Lotus +dream.</p> + +<p>He checked the scopes again. +Now the second planet revealed +plenty of breathable atmosphere +settled in the lower valleys. He +headed straight for it.</p> + +<p>The Crew was soon going to get +one devil of a jolt!</p> + +<p>He put the ship into a close orbit +around the planet. It seemed nothing +but a fearsome forest of oxydized +spikes rising in corrosive silence, +with here and there a lean +slash of valley. There was no indication +of life, no vegetation visible +or revealed by the scopes. One of +the valleys had a thin mouth of +water stretching down the length +of its face. Kelly set the speed and +the controls and ran for the bunkroom +and the shock-absorbent +cushions. He strapped himself in +and waited.</p> + +<p>It was done. As long as the thing +had gone so far, Kelly decided, the +truth should never be revealed because +that would lessen the therapeutic +value of his action. He would +wreck the ship. Not too badly. Not +so badly that all of the bodies, distinct, +separate individual bodies +again, couldn't put the ship back +together, as in the old days. And +that would keep them in their +bodies gladly for a while where they +belonged! Where the good Lord +had intended for them to stay.</p> + +<p>They would not be rocked away +to apathy in a phony metal mother +womb, thinking the ship was going +to take care of <i>them</i>!</p> + +<p>The more Kelly thought about it, +the better he felt. He stretched inside +the straps. He felt his slightly +atrophied muscles luxuriate over +the tissues and bones of his big +frame.</p> + +<p>Any body, no matter what its +shape, should be proud of itself. +That was Kelly's belief, and this +thing that had happened seemed +somewhat blasphemous. Without +bodies and their complex sensory +recording apparatus, the rich consciousness +enjoyed by the Crew +could not exist, would never have +been created at all. The Crew was +living off the largesse of experience +built up by their bodies. The Crew +was just narcotized enough that it +did not realize that the body banks +had to be replenished.</p> + +<p>Metal shrieked.</p> + +<p>Kelly yelled feebly. He fought, +he grappled with the threatening +blackout like a man fighting an invisible +opponent on an endless +flight of stairs.</p> + +<p>The grinding rolling terror of the +sound, the ripping, twisting, tearing +scream of it cried on and on. Kelly +knew one thing then.</p> + +<p>He had not figured it right. His +calculations were off. <i>The ship had +hit too damn hard.</i></p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">Later</span>, when he managed to get +the straps off and tried to move, +he fell painfully onto the tilted +deck. One of his eyes felt sticky. +He rubbed at it and his hand was +smeared with blood.</p> + +<p>He shuffled around in a stumbling +circle. Minor damages could +have been repaired. But this—the +ship was peeled open in glaring +strips like a breakfast cannister. A +cold wind moaned through the ship +that was now nothing but a metal +sieve. A hazy light filtered down +and ran off the metal like cold flour +rust.</p> + +<p>Kelly fell to his knees. "Kew," he +whispered. "Lljub, Urdaz—Lakrit...."</p> + +<p>The Venusian flower lady was +sliced down the middle like a cabbage, +and the nitrate bowl was +shattered and Kew was dead in a +pool of fading green blood.</p> + +<p>Smashed into the bulkhead was +Lakrit's sulphuric bathtub, and his +atmosphere had already filtered +away with the wind to wherever it +was going. Lljub's pale glow was +out for good, and his crystalline +heart was as opaque as a dead eye. +Only a few pieces of Urdaz's tank +were visible, and Urdaz himself had +already turned to a powdery food +that the wind ate slowly in long +trailing streamers.</p> + +<p>"What—what in the name of +God have I done?" Kelly whispered.</p> + +<p>All dead—</p> + +<p>No! He slammed at the bulkhead +until the warped metal gave +and he ran to the control room. +The Crew—the Crew—</p> + +<p>He stared at the tank.</p> + +<p>Through a jagged opening in the +ship's walls, the wind whined and +plucked at Kelly's red hair. The +wind was colder now. He kept on +looking at the tank. He reached out +and touched the big transparent +curve of it and then jerked his hand +back with a whimper in his breath.</p> + +<p>There was nothing in the tank, +nothing but a blob of slowly drying +slime. He pressed his nose to the +tank. "Crew—" he whispered.</p> + +<p>There was no life in the slime. +When he pounded on the tank, the +stuff collapsed in upon itself in +withering flatness.</p> + +<p>Kelly yelled. The cold wind +froze at his teeth. It sucked at his +breath and dried at the interior of +his mouth. He ran and climbed. +The jagged periphery of the opening +sliced at his flesh. But he did +not feel it, and he fell twenty feet, +without feeling that either, down +the side of the ship. He started +crawling over the hard naked belly +of the rock.</p> + +<p>He got to his feet. He ran stumbling +down an incline of shale worn +round and shiny by the wind that +had blown here just as it blew now, +and would blow for God alone +possibly knew how long. He fell +and rolled to the edge of the water.</p> + +<p>He looked into it. He felt of it. +He jerked his hand away. The stuff +was icy. But it was worse than icy. +It was dead. It was dead water. It +was without any bottom, and without +any life in it anywhere. You +could tell by looking into it. The +wind moved over the top of it as +though the water were glass, and +the water was the color of a slightly +transparent naked blue steel.</p> + +<p>There was no life here. Maybe +there had been once, who knew +when, who could guess how long +ago. But there was none now and +even the water had forgotten it.</p> + +<p>Kelly cried out as he stood up. +"What have I done?" He raised +his arms at the hazy red sun lying +over the spires of towering stone +and metal like a bloated balloon +scraping precariously over rusty +spikes. "God, what have I done?"</p> + +<p>The cry echoed tinnily on the +rocks and fled on the wind.</p> + +<p>Kelly ran for a long way, falling +and stumbling and getting up +again. Kelly had always had one +primary drive, and that was to keep +going, no matter what. So now he +tried to keep going.</p> + +<p>But there was no life on this +planet. He had known that before. +Some strange kinds of intelligence +could tolerate some unpleasant +worlds. But nothing would live +here.</p> + +<p>Nothing <i>could</i> live here.</p> + +<p>"That's your fate," Kelly thought. +He sat down and stared at the walls +of rock and metal all around. "Your +fate, Kelly. Your punishment, your +well deserved hell."</p> + +<p>That was what it was. Retribution. +And knowing that, he tried +not to care. He tried to be glad and +face what he deserved.</p> + +<p>If that were not the answer, then +why had only Kelly been spared to +face emptiness and silence and no +life, all alone?</p> + +<p>The irony of it was that he would +go on as long as possible keeping +himself alive in his own hell. There +was food aplenty in the ship, +enough to last as long as hell cared +to have him.</p> + +<p>He turned and started walking +back toward the ship that seemed +some five miles away. At that instant, +the ship disappeared in an +abrupt explosion that twisted the +rocks, and a mushroom cloud flowered +gently above the lake as Kelly +fell trembling on his belly and +hugged the ground and pushed his +face into the shale, while the wind +tore and screamed around him and +particles of flint ripped his clothes +and slashed at his flesh.</p> + +<hr /> + +<p class="cap"><span class="dcap">He did not</span> bother walking +much farther toward where +the ship had been. There was only +a crater there now which would +offer him nothing in the way of sustaining +his very personal and thoroughly +private hell.</p> + +<p>He walked. The effort became +more difficult and finally he was on +his hands and knees, crawling. The +wind sucked at his ripped clothes, +and felt like cold sharp steel in his +raw wounds. But slowly and deliberately +he continued to crawl.</p> + +<p>Kelly had always had the idea +that a man should keep going and +so now he kept on going. Even if +there was no place to go, and you +could not remember particularly +where you had been, you kept on +moving and fighting and slugging +along until you could no longer +move.</p> + +<p>He lay there looking up at the +hazy rust of the sky with the naked +spires pointing up into it for no +reason at all, because there was +nothing up there.</p> + +<p>He had been there and he knew. +Nothing up there but space, black +and without a beginning or end. He +had not even checked the records +of the ship so that now, lying here, +he did not even know how far away +from Earth he was. At the speed +they had traveled, a ship went a +long way in fifty years. But the ship, +the records, everything was lost.</p> + +<p>And no one would ever know +now how far they had come.</p> + +<p>Or gone. What was the difference, +anyway?</p> + +<p>But Kelly had no difficulty in remembering +<i>why</i> they had come.</p> + +<p>They had come into space because +that was how it was with +those who fought their way up to +being the dominate life form of +whatever world they had lived on +and grown and died on. If you +were the kind who went into space, +you went because space was there.</p> + +<p>Who needed a better reason than +that?</p> + +<p>"Kew," he whispered. "Lakrit, +Lljub, Urdaz, listen now—I thought +I was doing the right thing—maybe +my idea was right—but I just made +a mistake in the calculations. I just +made a helluva mistake—"</p> + +<p>The wind sighed over the naked +rock and the rusted metal and the +rock and the dead blue water.</p> + +<p>He turned and pushed his head +against the rock, and his body +curled up against the bitter wind. +"You've got to forgive me," he +said.</p> + +<p>"'<i>Has anybody here seen Kelly? +K-E-double-L-Y?</i>'"</p> + +<p>He shivered and kept his eyes +closed. It was part of the wind. He +did not want to go out that way, +hearing crazy voices in the wind.</p> + +<p>"'Has anybody here seen +Kelly—?'"</p> + +<p>He raised his head and blinked +and the wind drove tears down his +cheeks.</p> + +<p>"Am I just hearing something +that's going crazy inside my head?" +He peered around. There was nothing, +nothing anywhere of course, +nothing where nothing had ever +been, and nothing else but nothing +could ever be.</p> + +<p>"You're wrong, Kelly. Your +Crew's here."</p> + +<p>Kelly raised himself painfully to +an elbow. "Where—<i>where</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Right here, Kelly. We had a +difficult time locating you. Sure, we +forgive you. You were trying to do +what was right. We know that."</p> + +<p>"There's nothing—nothing—" +Kelly said.</p> + +<p>"You're wrong. The Crew's here +and we're waiting."</p> + +<p>He stared at the rock. He put his +face against it and pushed his +hands to it. There was a kind of +dull glow in it, a faint hint of +warmth in the rock.</p> + +<p>"How can this be?" Kelly said.</p> + +<p>"This is the life here, Kelly. Perhaps +there is life everywhere in the +most impossible seeming places. +And where life is, Kelly, we can +live with it and be welcomed by it. +Here, this rock is life, and it has +taken us in. It has been here a long +time. And it will be here for a much +longer time."</p> + +<p>"Rock," Kelly said.</p> + +<p>"But hurry and come back."</p> + +<p>"But no one will ever know. +How long—how long can we wait?"</p> + +<p>"Who can answer that, Kelly? +But maybe they will find the Crew +someday."</p> + +<p>Kelly looked up once at the completely +unfamiliar distances growing +darker. Sometime, he thought, +they'll come from wherever Earth +is and find the Crew of the ship, +find a rock here waiting the ages +out.</p> + +<p>"Hurry, Kelly!"</p> + +<p>His head dropped against the +rock. His hands slid down it, and a +smile moved over his lips and froze +there as the wind whispered over it.</p> + +<p class="rgt"><b>··· THE END</b></p> + +<div class="trn"><div class="figt"><a href="images/002-2.jpg"><img src="images/002-1.jpg" width="136" height="200" alt="" title="" /></a></div> + +<p><big><b>Transcriber's Note:</b></big></p> + +<p>This etext was produced from <i>If Worlds of Science Fiction</i> July 1954. +Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. +copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and +typographical errors have been corrected without note.</p></div> + +<div>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 30086 ***</div> +</body> +</html> |
