diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'old/achar10.txt')
| -rw-r--r-- | old/achar10.txt | 2721 |
1 files changed, 2721 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/old/achar10.txt b/old/achar10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2b28352 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/achar10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2721 @@ +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Acharnians +by Aristophanes +(#3 in our series by Aristophanes) + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the laws for your country before redistributing these files!!! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. + +Please do not remove this. + +This should be the first thing seen when anyone opens the book. +Do not change or edit it without written permission. The words +are carefully chosen to provide users with the information they +need about what they can legally do with the texts. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. We need your donations. + +Presently, contributions are only being solicited from people in: +Texas, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota, +Iowa, Indiana, and Vermont. As the requirements for other states +are met, additions to this list will be made and fund raising will +begin in the additional states. These donations should be made to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Ave. +Oxford, MS 38655 + + +Title: The Acharnians + +Author: Aristophanes + +Release Date: January, 2002 [Etext #3012] +[Yes, we are about one year ahead of schedule] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Acharnians +by Aristophanes +******This file should be named achar10.txt or achar10.zip****** + +Corrected EDITIONS of our etexts get a new NUMBER, achar11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, achar10a.txt + +This etext was produced by Derek Davis. + +Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions, +all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a +copyright notice is included. Therefore, we usually do NOT keep any +of these books in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +We are now trying to release all our books one year in advance +of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. +Please be encouraged to send us error messages even years after +the official publication date. + +Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till +midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. +The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at +Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A +preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment +and editing by those who wish to do so. + +Most people start at our sites at: +http://gutenberg.net +http://promo.net/pg + + +Those of you who want to download any Etext before announcement +can surf to them as follows, and just download by date; this is +also a good way to get them instantly upon announcement, as the +indexes our cataloguers produce obviously take a while after an +announcement goes out in the Project Gutenberg Newsletter. + +http://www.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext02 +or +ftp://ftp.ibiblio.org/pub/docs/books/gutenberg/etext02 + +Or /etext01, 00, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90 + +Just search by the first five letters of the filename you want, +as it appears in our Newsletters. + + +Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) + +We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The +time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours +to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright +searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This +projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value +per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 +million dollars per hour this year as we release fifty new Etext +files per month, or 500 more Etexts in 2000 for a total of 3000+ +If they reach just 1-2% of the world's population then the total +should reach over 300 billion Etexts given away by year's end. + +The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext +Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] +This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, +which is only about 4% of the present number of computer users. + +At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third +of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 3,333 Etexts unless we +manage to get some real funding. + +Something is needed to create a future for Project Gutenberg for +the next 100 years. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +Presently, contributions are only being solicited from people in: +Texas, Nevada, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, South Dakota, +Iowa, Indiana, and Vermont. As the requirements for other states +are met, additions to this list will be made and fund raising will +begin in the additional states. + +All donations should be made to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation and will be tax deductible to the extent +permitted by law. + +Mail to: + +Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +PMB 113 +1739 University Avenue +Oxford, MS 38655 [USA] + +We are working with the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation to build more stable support and ensure the +future of Project Gutenberg. + +We need your donations more than ever! + +You can get up to date donation information at: + +http://www.gutenberg.net/donation.html + + +*** + +You can always email directly to: + +Michael S. Hart <hart@pobox.com> + +hart@pobox.com forwards to hart@prairienet.org and archive.org +if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if +it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . . + +We would prefer to send you this information by email. + + +Example command-line FTP session: + +ftp ftp.ibiblio.org +login: anonymous +password: your@login +cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg +cd etext90 through etext99 or etext00 through etext02, etc. +dir [to see files] +get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files] +GET GUTINDEX.?? [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99] +GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books] + + +**The Legal Small Print** + + +(Three Pages) + +***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** +Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. +They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with +your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from +someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our +fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement +disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how +you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to. + +*BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT +By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm +etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept +this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive +a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by +sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person +you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical +medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. + +ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS +This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etexts, +is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart +through the Project Gutenberg Association (the "Project"). +Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright +on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and +distribute it in the United States without permission and +without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth +below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext +under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. + +Please do not use the "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark to market +any commercial products without permission. + +To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable +efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain +works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any +medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other +things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other +intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged +disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer +codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. + +LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES +But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, +[1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this +etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including +legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR +UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, +INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE +OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE +POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. + +If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of +receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) +you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that +time to the person you received it from. If you received it +on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and +such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement +copy. If you received it electronically, such person may +choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to +receive it electronically. + +THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS +TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT +LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A +PARTICULAR PURPOSE. + +Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or +the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the +above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you +may have other legal rights. + +INDEMNITY +You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors, +officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost +and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or +indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: +[1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification, +or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect. + +DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" +You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by +disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this +"Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, +or: + +[1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this + requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the + etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, + if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable + binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, + including any form resulting from conversion by word + processing or hypertext software, but only so long as + *EITHER*: + + [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and + does *not* contain characters other than those + intended by the author of the work, although tilde + (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may + be used to convey punctuation intended by the + author, and additional characters may be used to + indicate hypertext links; OR + + [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at + no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent + form by the program that displays the etext (as is + the case, for instance, with most word processors); + OR + + [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at + no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the + etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC + or other equivalent proprietary form). + +[2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this + "Small Print!" statement. + +[3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the + gross profits you derive calculated using the method you + already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you + don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are + payable to "Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation" + the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were + legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent + periodic) tax return. Please contact us beforehand to + let us know your plans and to work out the details. + +WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? +The Project gratefully accepts contributions of money, time, +public domain etexts, and royalty free copyright licenses. +If you are interested in contributing scanning equipment or +software or other items, please contact Michael Hart at: +hart@pobox.com + +*END THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.07.00*END* + + + + + + + +THE ACHARNIANS +by Aristophanes + + +[Translator uncredited. Footnotes have been retained because they +provide the meanings of Greek names, terms and ceremonies and explain +puns and references otherwise lost in translation. Occasional Greek words +in the footnotes have not been included. Footnote numbers, in brackets, +start anew at [1] for each piece of dialogue, and each footnote follows +immediately the dialogue to which it refers, labeled thus: f[1]. + + + + +INTRODUCTION + + + +This is the first of the series of three Comedies--'The Acharnians,' 'Peace' +and 'Lysistrata'--produced at intervals of years, the sixth, tenth and +twenty-first of the Peloponnesian War, and impressing on the Athenian +people the miseries and disasters due to it and to the scoundrels who by +their selfish and reckless policy had provoked it, the consequent ruin of +industry and, above all, agriculture, and the urgency of asking Peace. In +date it is the earliest play brought out by the author in his own name and +his first work of serious importance. It was acted at the Lenaean Festival, +in January, 426 B.C., and gained the first prize, Cratinus being second. + +Its diatribes against the War and fierce criticism of the general policy of +the War party so enraged Cleon that, as already mentioned, he +endeavoured to ruin the author, who in 'The Knights' retorted by a direct +and savage personal attack on the leader of the democracy. + +The plot is of the simplest. Dicaeopolis, an Athenian citizen, but a native of +Acharnae, one of the agricultural demes and one which had especially +suffered in the Lacedaemonian invasions, sick and tired of the ill-success +and miseries of the War, makes up his mind, if he fails to induce the +people to adopt his policy of "peace at any price," to conclude a private and +particular peace of his own to cover himself, his family, and his estate. The +Athenians, momentarily elated by victory and over-persuaded by the +demagogues of the day--Cleon and his henchmen, refuse to hear of such a +thing as coming to terms. Accordingly Dicaeopolis dispatches an envoy to +Sparta on his own account, who comes back presently with a selection of +specimen treaties in his pocket. The old man tastes and tries, special terms +are arranged, and the play concludes with a riotous and uproarious rustic +feast in honour of the blessings of Peace and Plenty. + +Incidentally excellent fun is poked at Euripides and his dramatic methods, +which supply matter for so much witty badinage in several others of our +author's pieces. + +Other specially comic incidents are: the scene where the two young +daughters of the famished Megarian are sold in the market at Athens as +suck[l]ing-pigs--a scene in which the convenient similarity of the Greek +words signifying a pig and the 'pudendum muliebre' respectively is +utilized in a whole string of ingenious and suggestive 'double entendres' +and ludicrous jokes; another where the Informer, or Market-Spy, is packed +up in a crate as crockery and carried off home by the Boeotian buyer. + +The drama takes its title from the Chorus, composed of old +men of Acharnae. + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + +DICAEOPOLIS +HERALD +AMPHITHEUS +AMBASSADORS +PSEUDARTABAS +THEORUS +WIFE OF DICAEOPOLIS +DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS +EURIPIDES +CEPHISOPHON, servant of Euripides +LAMACHUS +ATTENDANT OF LAMACHUS +A MEGARIAN +MAIDENS, daughters of the Megarian +A BOEOTIAN +NICARCHUS +A HUSBANDMAN +A BRIDESMAID +AN INFORMER +MESSENGERS +CHORUS OF ACHARNIAN ELDERS + + + + +SCENE: The Athenian Ecclesia on the Pnyx; afterwards Dicaeopolis' house in +the country. + + + +DICAEOPOLIS[1] (alone) +What cares have not gnawed at my heart and how few have been the +pleasures in my life! Four, to be exact, while my troubles have been +as countless as the grains of sand on the shore! Let me see! of what +value to me have been these few pleasures? Ah! I remember that I was +delighted in soul when Cleon had to disgorge those five talents;[2] I was +in ecstasy and I love the Knights for this deed; 'it is an honour to +Greece.'[3] But the day when I was impatiently awaiting a piece by +Aeschylus,[4] what tragic despair it caused me when the herald called, +"Theognis,[5] introduce your Chorus!" Just imagine how this blow struck +straight at my heart! On the other hand, what joy Dexitheus caused +me at the musical competition, when he played a Boeotian melody +on the lyre! But this year by contrast! Oh! what deadly torture +to hear Chaeris[6] perform the prelude in the Orthian mode![7] +--Never, however, since I began to bathe, has the dust hurt my +eyes as it does to-day. Still it is the day of assembly; all should be +here at daybreak, and yet the Pnyx[8] is still deserted. They are +gossiping in the marketplace, slipping hither and thither to avoid +the vermilioned rope.[9] The Prytanes[10] even do not come; they will be +late, but when they come they will push and fight each other for a +seat in the front row. They will never trouble themselves with the +question of peace. Oh! Athens! Athens! As for myself, I do not fail to +come here before all the rest, and now, finding myself alone, I groan, +yawn, stretch, break wind, and know not what to do; I make sketches in +the dust, pull out my loose hairs, muse, think of my fields, long for +peace, curse town life and regret my dear country home,[11] which never +told me to 'buy fuel, vinegar or oil'; there the word 'buy,' which +cuts me in two, was unknown; I harvested everything at will. Therefore +I have come to the assembly fully prepared to bawl, interrupt and +abuse the speakers, if they talk of anything but peace. But here come the +Prytanes, and high time too, for it is midday! As I foretold, hah! is it +not so? They are pushing and fighting for the front seats. + +f[1] A name invented by Aristophanes and signifying 'a just citizen.' +f[2] Clean had received five talents from the islanders subject to Athens, +on condition that he should get the tribute payable by them reduced; when +informed of this transaction, the knights compelled him to return +the money. +f[3] A hemistich borrowed from Euripides' 'Telephus.' +f[4] The tragedies of Aeschylus continued to be played even after the +poet's death, which occurred in 436 B.C., ten years before the production +of 'The Acharnians.' +f[5] A tragic poet, whose pieces were so devoid of warmth and life that he +was nicknamed [the Greek for] 'snow.' +f[6] A bad musician, frequently ridiculed by Aristophanes; he played both +the lyre and the flute. +f[7] A lively and elevated method. +f[8] A hill near the Acropolis, where the Assemblies were held. +f[9] Several means were used to force citizens to attend the assemblies; +the shops were closed; circulation was only permitted in those streets which +led to the Pnyx; finally, a rope covered with vermilion was drawn round those +who dallied in the Agora (the market-place), and the late-comers, ear- +marked by the imprint of the rope, were fined. +f[10] Magistrates who, with the Archons and the Epistatae, shared the care +of holding and directing the assemblies of the people; they were fifty +in number. +f[11] The Peloponnesian War had already, at the date of the representation +of 'The Acharnians,' lasted five years, 431-426 B.C.; driven from their lands +by the successive Lacedaemonian invasions, the people throughout the +country had been compelled to seek shelter behind the walls of Athens. + +HERALD +Move on up, move on, move on, to get within the consecrated area.[1] + +f[1] Shortly before the meeting of the Assembly, a number of young pigs +were immolated and a few drops of their blood were sprinkled on the +seats of the Prytanes; this sacrifice was in honour of Ceres. + +AMPHITHEUS +Has anyone spoken yet? + +HERALD +Who asks to speak? + +AMPHITHEUS +I do. + +HERALD +Your name? + +AMPHITHEUS +Amphitheus. + +HERALD +You are no man.[1] + +f[1] The name, Amphitheus, contains [the Greek] word [for] 'god.' + +AMPHITHEUS +No! I am an immortal! Amphitheus was the son of Ceres and +Triptolemus; of him was born Celeus. Celeus wedded Phaenerete, my +grandmother, whose son was Lucinus, and, being born of him I am an +immortal; it is to me alone that the gods have entrusted the duty of +treating with the Lacedaemonians. But, citizens, though I am immortal, +I am dying of hunger; the Prytanes give me naught.[1] + +f[1] Amongst other duties, it was the office of the Prytanes to look after +the wants of the poor. + +A PRYTANIS +Guards! + +AMPHITHEUS +Oh, Triptolemus and Ceres, do ye thus forsake your own blood? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Prytanes, in expelling this citizen, you are offering an outrage +to the Assembly. He only desired to secure peace for us and to sheathe +the sword. + +PRYTANIS +Sit down and keep silence! + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, by Apollo, I will not, unless you are going to discuss the +question of peace. + +HERALD +The ambassadors, who are returned from the Court of the King! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Of what King? I am sick of all those fine birds, the peacock +ambassadors and their swagger. + +HERALD +Silence! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh! oh! by Ecbatana,[1] what a costume! + +f[1] The summer residence of the Great King. + +AN AMBASSADOR +During the archonship of Euthymenes, you sent us to the Great King +on a salary of two drachmae per diem. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! those poor drachmae! + +AMBASSADOR +We suffered horribly on the plains of the Cayster, sleeping under a tent, +stretched deliciously on fine chariots, half dead with weariness. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And I was very much at ease, lying on the straw along the +battlements![1] + +f[1] Referring to the hardships he had endured garrisoning the walls of +Athens during the Lacedaemonian invasions early in the War. + +AMBASSADOR +Everywhere we were well received and forced to drink delicious +wine out of golden or crystal flagons.... + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, city of Cranaus,[1] thy ambassadors are laughing at thee! + +f[1] Cranaus, the second king of Athens, the successor of Cecrops. + +AMBASSADOR +For great feeders and heavy drinkers are alone esteemed as men +by the barbarians. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Just as here in Athens, we only esteem the most drunken debauchees. + +AMBASSADOR +At the end of the fourth year we reached the King's Court, but +he had left with his whole army to ease himself, and for the space of +eight months he was thus easing himself in the midst of the golden +mountains.[1] + +f[1] Lucian, in his 'Hermotimus,' speaks of these golden mountains as an +apocryphal land of wonders and prodigies. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And how long was he replacing his dress? + +AMBASSADOR +The whole period of a full moon; after which he returned to his palace; +then he entertained us and had us served with oxen roasted whole +in an oven. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Who ever saw an oxen baked in an oven? What a lie! + +AMBASSADOR +On my honour, he also had us served with a bird three +times as large as Cleonymus,[1] and called the Boaster. + +f[1] Cleonymus was an Athenian general of exceptionally tall stature; +Aristophanes incessantly rallies him for his cowardice; he had cast away +his buckler in a fight. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And do we give you two drachmae, that you should treat us to all +this humbug? + +AMBASSADOR +We are bringing to you Pseudartabas[1], the King's Eye. + +f[1] A name borne by certain officials of the King of Persia. The actor of +this part wore a mask, fitted with a single eye of great size. + +DICAEOPOLIS +I would a crow might pluck out thine with his beak, you cursed +ambassador! + +HERALD +The King's Eye! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Eh! Great Gods! Friend, with thy great eye, round like the hole through +which the oarsman passes his sweep, you have the air of a galley +doubling a cape to gain port. + +AMBASSADOR +Come, Pseudartabas, give forth the message for the Athenians +with which you were charged by the Great King. + +PSEUDARTABAS +Jartaman exarx 'anapissonia satra.[1] + +f[1] Jargon, no doubt meaningless in all languages. + +AMBASSADOR +Do you understand what he says? + +DICAEOPOLIS +By Apollo, not I! + +AMBASSADOR (TO THE PRYTANES) +He says that the Great King will send you gold. Come, utter the word +'gold' louder and more distinctly. + +PSEUDARTABAS +Thou shalt not have gold, thou gaping-arsed Ionian.[1] + +f[1] The Persians styled all Greeks 'Ionians' without distinction; here +the Athenians are intended. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! may the gods forgive me, but that is clear enough! + +AMBASSADOR +What does he say? + +DICAEOPOLIS +That the Ionians are debauchees and idiots, if they expect to receive +gold from the barbarians. + +AMBASSADOR +Not so, he speaks of medimni[1] of gold. + +f[1] A Greek measure, containing about six modii. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What medimni? Thou are but a great braggart; but get your way; I +will find out the truth by myself. Come now, answer me clearly, if you +do not wish me to dye your skin red. Will the Great King send us gold? +(PSEUDARTABAS MAKES A NEGATIVE SIGN.) Then our ambassadors +are seeking to deceive us? (PSEUDARTABAS SIGNS AFFIRMATIVELY.) +These fellows make signs like any Greek; I am sure that they are +nothing but Athenians. Oh! ho! I recognize one of these eunuchs; it is +Clisthenes, the son of Sibyrtius.[1] Behold the effrontery of this shaven +rump! How! great baboon, with such a beard do you seek to play the +eunuch to us? And this other one? Is it not Straton? + +f[1] Noted for his extreme ugliness and his obscenity. Aristophanes +frequently holds him to scorn in his comedies. + +HERALD +Silence! Let all be seated. The Senate invites the King's Eye to the +Prytaneum.[1] + +f[1] Ambassadors were entertained there at the public expense. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Is this not sufficient to drive one to hang oneself? Here I +stand chilled to the bone, whilst the doors of the Prytaneum fly +wide open to lodge such rascals. But I will do something great and +bold. Where is Amphitheus? Come and speak with me. + +AMPHITHEUS +Here I am. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Take these eight drachmae and go and conclude a truce with the +Lacedaemonians for me, my wife and my children; I leave you free, +my dear citizens, to send out embassies and to stand gaping in the air. + +HERALD +Bring in Theorus, who has returned from the Court of Sitalces.[1] + +f[1] King of Thrace. + +THEORUS +I am here. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Another humbug! + +THEORUS +We should not have remained long in Thrace... + +DICAEOPOLIS +Forsooth, no, if you had not been well paid. + +THEORUS +...if the country had not been covered with snow; the rivers were +ice-bound at the time that Theognis[1] brought out his tragedy here; +during the whole of that time I was holding my own with +Sitalces, cup in hand; and, in truth, he adored you to such a degree, +that he wrote on the walls, "How beautiful are the Athenians!" His +son, to whom we gave the freedom of the city, burned with desire to +come here and eat chitterlings at the feast of the Apaturia;[2] he prayed +his father to come to the aid of his new country and Sitalces swore on +his goblet that he would succour us with such a host that the Athenians +would exclaim, "What a cloud of grasshoppers!" + +f[1] The tragic poet. +f[2] A feast lasting three days and celebrated during the month Pyanepsion +(November). The Greek word contains the suggestion of fraud. + +DICAEOPOLIS +May I die if I believe a word of what you tell us! Excepting the +grasshoppers, there is not a grain of truth in it all! + +THEORUS +And he has sent you the most warlike soldiers of all Thrace. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Now we shall begin to see clearly. + +HERALD +Come hither, Thracians, whom Theorus brought. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What plague have we here? + +THEORUS +'Tis the host of the Odomanti.[1] + +f[1] A Thracian tribe from the right bank of the Strymon. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Of the Odomanti? Tell me what it means. Who has mutilated them +like this? + +THEORUS +If they are given a wage of two drachmae, they will put all +Boeotia[1] to fire and sword. + +f[1] The Boeotians were the allies of Sparta. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Two drachmae to those circumcised hounds! Groan aloud, ye people +of rowers, bulwark of Athens! Ah! great gods! I am undone; these +Odomanti are robbing me of my garlic![1] Will you give me back +my garlic? + +f[1] Dicaeopolis had brought a clove of garlic with him to eat during +the Assembly. + +THEORUS +Oh! wretched man! do not go near them; they have eaten garlic[1]. + +f[1] Garlic was given to game-cocks, before setting them at each other, +to give them pluck for the fight. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Prytanes, will you let me be treated in this manner, in my own +country and by barbarians? But I oppose the discussion of paying +a wage to the Thracians; I announce an omen; I have just felt a drop +of rain.[1] + +f[1] At the lest unfavourable omen, the sitting of the Assembly was +declared at an end. + +HERALD +Let the Thracians withdraw and return the day after tomorrow; +the Prytanes declare the sitting at an end. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ye gods, what garlic I have lost! But here comes Amphitheus +returned from Lacedaemon. Welcome, Amphitheus. + +AMPHITHEUS +No, there is no welcome for me and I fly as fast as I can, for I +am pursued by the Acharnians. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Why, what has happened? + +AMPHITHEUS +I was hurrying to bring your treaty of truce, but some old dotards +from Acharnae[1] got scent of the thing; they are veterans of Marathon, +tough as oak or maple, of which they are made for sure--rough and +ruthless. They all started a-crying: "Wretch! you are the bearer of +a treaty, and the enemy has only just cut our vines!" Meanwhile they +were gathering stones in their cloaks, so I fled and they ran after +me shouting. + +f[1] The deme of Acharnae was largely inhabited by charcoal-burners, +who supplied the city with fuel. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Let 'em shout as much as they please! But HAVE you brought me +a treaty? + +AMPHITHEUS +Most certainly, here are three samples to select from,[1] this one is +five years old; take it and taste. + +f[1] He presents them in the form of wines contained in three separate +skins. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Faugh! + +AMPHITHEUS +Well? + +DICAEOPOLIS +It does not please me; it smells of pitch and of the ships they are +fitting out.[1] + +f[1] Meaning, preparations for war. + +AMPHITHEUS +Here is another, ten years old; taste it. + +DICAEOPOLIS +It smells strongly of the delegates, who go around the towns +to chide the allies for their slowness.[1] + +f[1] Meaning, securing allies for the continuance of the war. + +AMPHITHEUS +This last is a truce of thirty years, both on sea and land. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh! by Bacchus! what a bouquet! It has the aroma of nectar and +ambrosia; this does not say to us, "Provision yourselves for three +days." But it lisps the gentle numbers, "Go whither you will."[1] +I accept it, ratify it, drink it at one draught and consign the +Acharnians to limbo. Freed from the war and its ills, I shall +keep the Dionysia[2] in the country. + +f[1] When Athens sent forth an army, the soldiers were usually ordered +to assemble at some particular spot with provisions for three days. +f[2] These feasts were also called the Anthesteria or Lenaea; the Lenaem +was a temple to Bacchus, erected outside the city. They took place +during the month Anthesterion (February). + +AMPHITHEUS +And I shall run away, for I'm mortally afraid of the Acharnians. + +CHORUS +This way all! Let us follow our man; we will demand him of +everyone we meet; the public weal makes his seizure imperative. Ho, +there! tell me which way the bearer of the truce has gone; he has escaped +us, he has disappeared. Curse old age! When I was young, in the days +when I followed Phayllus,[1] running with a sack of coals on my back, this +wretch would not have eluded my pursuit, let him be as swift as he will; +but now my limbs are stiff; old Lacratides[2] feels his legs are +weighty and the traitor escapes me. No, no, let us follow him; old +Acharnians like ourselves shall not be set at naught by a +scoundrel, who has dared, great gods! to conclude a truce, when I wanted +the war continued with double fury in order to avenge my ruined lands. +No mercy for our foes until I have pierced their hearts like sharp +reed, so that they dare never again ravage my vineyards. +Come, let us seek the rascal; let us look everywhere, carrying our +stones in our hands; let us hunt him from place to place until we trap +him; I could never, never tire of the delight of stoning him. + +f[1] A celebrated athlete from Croton and a victor at Olympia; he was +equally good as a runner and at the 'five exercises.' +f[2] He had been Archon at the time of the battle of Marathon. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Peace! profane men![1] + +f[1] A sacred formula, pronounced by the priest before offering +the sacrifice. + +CHORUS +Silence all! Friends, do you hear the sacred formula? Here is he, +whom we seek! This way, all! Get out of his way, surely he comes +to offer an oblation. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Peace, profane men! Let the basket-bearer[1] come forward, and thou +Xanthias, hold the phallus well upright.[2] + +f[1] The maiden who carried the basket filled with fruits at the Dionysia +in honour of Bacchus. +f[2] The emblem of the fecundity of nature; it consisted of a representation, +generally grotesquely exaggerated, of the male genital organs; +the phallophori crowned with violets and ivy and their faces shaded +with green foliage, sang improvised airs, call 'Phallics,' full of obscenity +and suggestive 'double entendres.' + +WIFE OF DICAEOPOLIS +Daughter, set down the basket and let us begin the sacrifice. + +DAUGHTER OF DICAEOPOLIS +Mother, hand me the ladle, that I may spread the sauce on the +cake. + +DICAEOPOLIS +It is well! Oh, mighty Bacchus, it is with joy that, freed from +military duty, I and all mine perform this solemn rite and offer +thee this sacrifice; grant that I may keep the rural Dionysia +without hindrance and that this truce of thirty years may be +propitious for me. + +WIFE OF DICAEOPOLIS +Come, my child, carry the basket gracefully and with a grave, demure +face. Happy he, who shall be your possessor and embrace you so firmly +at dawn,[1] that you belch wind like a weasel. Go forward, and have a care +they don't snatch your jewels in the crowd. + +f[1] The most propitious moment for Love's gambols, observes the +scholiast. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Xanthias, walk behind the basket-bearer and hold the phallus well +erect; I will follow, singing the Phallic hymn; thou, wife, look on from +the top of the terrace.[1] Forward! Oh, Phales,[2] companion of the orgies +of Bacchus, night reveller, god of adultery, friend of young men, these +past six[3] years I have not been able to invoke thee. With what joy I +return to my farmstead, thanks to the truce I have concluded, freed +from cares, from fighting and from Lamachuses![4] How much sweeter, +oh Phales, oh, Phales, is it to surprise Thratta, the pretty woodmaid, +Strymodorus' slave, stealing wood from Mount Phelleus, to catch her +under the arms, to throw her on the ground and possess her, Oh, Phales, +Phales! If thou wilt drink and bemuse thyself with me, we shall +to-morrow consume some good dish in honour of the peace, and I will +hang up my buckler over the smoking hearth. + +f[1] Married women did not join in the processions. +f[2] The god of generation, worshipped in the form of a phallus. +f[3] A remark which fixes the date of the production of 'The Acharnians,' +viz. the sixth year of the Peloponnesian War, 426 B.C. +f[4] Lamachus was an Athenian general, who figures later in this comedy. + +CHORUS +It is he, he himself. Stone him, stone him, stone him, strike +the wretch. All, all of you, pelt him, pelt him! + +DICAEOPOLIS +What is this? By Heracles, you will smash my pot.[1] + +f[1] At the rural Dionysia a pot of kitchen vegetables was borne in +the procession along with other emblems. + +CHORUS +It is you that we are stoning, you miserable scoundrel. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And for what sin, Acharnian Elders, tell me that! + +CHORUS +You ask that, you impudent rascal, traitor to your country; you +alone amongst us all have concluded a truce, and you dare to look us +in the face! + +DICAEOPOLIS +But you do not know WHY I have treated for peace. Listen! + +CHORUS +Listen to you? No, no, you are about to die, we will annihilate +you with our stones. + +DICAEOPOLIS +But first of all, listen. Stop, my friends. + +CHORUS +I will hear nothing; do not address me; I hate you more than I +do Cleon,[1] whom one day I shall flay to make sandals for the Knights. +Listen to your long speeches, after you have treated with the +Laconians? No, I will punish you. + +f[1] Cleon the Demagogue was a currier originally by trade. He was the +sworn foe and particular detestation of the Knights or aristocratic party +generally. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Friends, leave the Laconians out of debate and consider only +whether I have not done well to conclude my truce. + +CHORUS +Done well! when you have treated with a people who know neither +gods, nor truth, nor faith. + +DICAEOPOLIS +We attribute too much to the Laconians; as for myself, I know that +they are not the cause of all our troubles. + +CHORUS +Oh, indeed, rascal! You dare to use such language to me and then +expect me to spare you! + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, no, they are not the cause of all our troubles, and I who +address you claim to be able to prove that they have much to +complain of in us. + +CHORUS +This passes endurance; my heart bounds with fury. Thus you dare to +defend our enemies. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Were my head on the block I would uphold what I say and rely on +the approval of the people. + +CHORUS +Comrades, let us hurl our stones and dye this fellow purple. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What black fire-brand has inflamed your heart! You will not hear +me? You really will not, Acharnians? + +CHORUS +No, a thousand times, no. + +DICAEOPOLIS +This is a hateful injustice. + +CHORUS +May I die, if I listen. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Nay, nay! have mercy, have mercy, Acharnians. + +CHORUS +You shall die. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Well, blood for blood! I will kill your dearest friend. I have +here the hostages of Acharnae;[1] I shall disembowel them. + +f[1] That is, the baskets of charcoal. + +CHORUS +Acharnians, what means this threat? Has he got one of our children +in his house? What gives him such audacity? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Stone me, if it please you; I shall avenge myself on this. +(SHOWS A BASKET.) Let us see whether you have any love +for your coals. + +CHORUS +Great Gods! this basket is our fellow-citizen. Stop, stop, +in heaven's name! + +DICAEOPOLIS +I shall dismember it despite your cries; I will listen to nothing. + +CHORUS +How! will you kill this coal-basket, my beloved comrade? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Just now, you would not listen to me. + +CHORUS +Well, speak now, if you will; tell us, tell us you have a weakness +for the Lacedaemonians. I consent to anything; never will I forsake +this dear little basket. + +DICAEOPOLIS +First, throw down your stones. + +CHORUS +There! 'tis done. And you, do put away your sword. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Let me see that no stones remain concealed in your cloaks. + +CHORUS +They are all on the ground; see how we shake our garments. Come, +no haggling, lay down your sword; we threw away everything while +crossing from one side of the stage to the other.[1] + +f[1] The stage of the Greek theatre was much broader, and at the same +time shallower, than in a modern playhouse. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What cries of anguish you would have uttered had these coals of +Parnes[1] been dismembered, and yet it came very near it; had they +perished, their death would have been due to the folly of their +fellow-citizens. The poor basket was so frightened, look, it has +shed a thick black dust over me, the same as a cuttle-fish does. +What an irritable temper! You shout and throw stones, you will not +hear my arguments--not even when I propose to speak in favour of the +Lacedaemonians with my head on the block; and yet I cling to life. + +f[1] A mountain in Attica, in the neighbourhood of Acharnae. + +CHORUS +Well then, bring out a block before your door, scoundrel, and +let us hear the good grounds you can give us; I am curious to know +them. Now mind, as you proposed yourself, place your head on the block +and speak. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Here is the block; and, though I am but a very sorry speaker, I +wish nevertheless to talk freely of the Lacedaemonians and without the +protection of my buckler. Yet I have many reasons for fear. I know our +rustics; they are delighted if some braggart comes, and rightly or +wrongly, loads both them and their city with praise and flattery; they +do not see that such toad-eaters[1] are traitors, who sell them for gain. +As for the old men, I know their weakness; they only seek to overwhelm +the accused with their votes.[2] Nor have I forgotten how Cleon treated +me because of my comedy last year;[3] he dragged me before the Senate +and there he uttered endless slanders against me; 'twas a tempest of +abuse, a deluge of lies. Through what a slough of mud he dragged me! I +almost perished. Permit me, therefore, before I speak, to dress in the +manner most likely to draw pity. + +f[1] Orators in the pay of the enemy. +f[2] Satire on the Athenians' addiction to law-suits. +f[3] 'The Babylonians.' Cleon had denounced Aristophanes to the Senate for +having scoffed at Athens before strangers, many of whom were present at +the performance. The play is now lost. + +CHORUS +What evasions, subterfuges and delays! Hold! here is the sombre +helmet of Pluto with its thick bristling plume; Hieronymus[1] lends it to +you; then open Sisyphus'[2] bag of wiles; but hurry, hurry, pray, for +discussion does not admit of delay. + +f[1] A tragic poet; we know next to nothing of him or his works. +f[2] Son of Aeolus, renowned in fable for his robberies, and for the tortures +to which he was put by Pluto. He was cunning enough to break loose out +of hell, but Hermes brought him back again. + +DICAEOPOLIS +The time has come for me to manifest my courage, so I will go +and seek Euripides. Ho! slave, slave! + +SLAVE +Who's there? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Is Euripides at home? + +SLAVE +He is and he isn't; understand that, if you have wit for't. + +DICAEOPOLIS +How? He is and he isn't![1] + +f[1] This whole scene is directed at Euripides; Aristophanes ridicules the +subtleties of his poetry and the trickeries of his staging, which, according +to him, he only used to attract the less refined among his audience. + +SLAVE +Certainly, old man; busy gathering subtle fancies here and +there, his mind is not in the house, but he himself is; perched aloft, +he is composing a tragedy. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, Euripides, you are indeed happy to have a slave so quick at +repartee! Now, fellow, call your master. + +SLAVE +Impossible! + +DICAEOPOLIS +So much the worse. But I will not go. Come, let us knock at the door. +Euripides, my little Euripides, my darling Euripides, listen; +never had man greater right to your pity. It is Dicaeopolis of the +Chollidan Deme who calls you. Do you hear? + +EURIPIDES +I have no time to waste. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Very well, have yourself wheeled out here.[1] + +f[1] "Wheeled out"--that is, by means of a mechanical contrivance of +the Greek stage, by which an interior was shown, the set scene +with performers, etc., all complete, being in some way, which cannot +be clearly made out from the descriptions, swung out or wheeled out +on to the main stage. + +EURIPIDES +Impossible. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Nevertheless... + +EURIPIDES +Well, let them roll me out; as to coming down, I have not +the time. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Euripides.... + +EURIPIDES +What words strike my ear? + +DICAEOPOLIS +You perch aloft to compose tragedies, when you might just as +well do them on the ground. I am not astonished at your introducing +cripples on the stage.[1] And why dress in these miserable tragic rags? +I do not wonder that your heroes are beggars. But, Euripides, on my knees +I beseech you, give me the tatters of some old piece; for I have to +treat the Chorus to a long speech, and if I do it ill it is all over +with me. + +f[1] Having been lamed, it is of course implied, by tumbling from the lofty +apparatus on which the Author sat perched to write his tragedies. + +EURIPIDES +What rags do you prefer? Those in which I rigged out Aeneus[1] on +the stage, that unhappy, miserable old man? + +f[1] Euripides delighted, or was supposed by his critic Aristophanes to +delight, in the representation of misery and wretchedness on the stage. +'Aeneus,' 'Phoenix,' 'Philoctetes,' 'Bellerophon,' 'Telephus,' Ino' are titles +of six tragedies of his in this genre of which fragments are extant. + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, I want those of some hero still more unfortunate. + +EURIPIDES +Of Phoenix, the blind man? + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, not of Phoenix, you have another hero more unfortunate than him. + +EURIPIDES +Now, what tatters DOES he want? Do you mean those of the beggar +Philoctetes? + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, of another far more the mendicant. + +EURIPIDES +Is it the filthy dress of the lame fellow, Bellerophon? + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, 'tis not Bellerophon; he, whom I mean, was not only lame and a +beggar, but boastful and a fine speaker. + +EURIPIDES +Ah! I know, it is Telephus, the Mysian. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Yes, Telephus. Give me his rags, I beg of you. + +EURIPIDES +Slave! give him Telephus' tatters; they are on top of the rags +of Thyestes and mixed with those of Ino. + +SLAVE +Catch hold! here they are. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh! Zeus, whose eye pierces everywhere and embraces all, permit me +to assume the most wretched dress on earth. Euripides, cap your +kindness by giving me the little Mysian hat, that goes so well with +these tatters. I must to-day have the look of a beggar; "be what I am, +but not appear to be";[1] the audience will know well who I am, but +the Chorus will be fools enough not to, and I shall dupe 'em with my +subtle phrases. + +f[1] +Line borrowed from Euripides. A great number of verses are similarly +parodied in this scene. + +EURIPIDES +I will give you the hat; I love the clever tricks of an ingenious +brain like yours. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Rest happy, and may it befall Telephus as I wish. Ah! I already +feel myself filled with quibbles. But I must have a beggar's staff. + +EURIPIDES +Here you are, and now get you gone from this porch. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, my soul! You see how you are driven from this house, when I +still need so many accessories. But let us be pressing, obstinate, +importunate. Euripides, give me a little basket with a lamp alight inside. + +EURIPIDES +Whatever do you want such a thing as that for? + +DICAEOPOLIS +I do not need it, but I want it all the same. + +EURIPIDES +You importune me; get you gone! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Alas! may the gods grant you a destiny as brilliant as your +mother's.[1] + +f[1] Report said that Euripides' mother had sold vegetables on the market. + +EURIPIDES +Leave me in peace. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, just a little broken cup. + +EURIPIDES +Take it and go and hang yourself. What a tiresome fellow! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! you do not know all the pain you cause me. Dear, good +Euripides, nothing beyond a small pipkin stoppered with a sponge. + +EURIPIDES +Miserable man! You are robbing me of an entire tragedy.[1] Here, take it +and be off. + +f[1] Aristophanes means, of course, to imply that the whole talent of +Euripides lay in these petty details of stage property. + +DICAEOPOLIS +I am going, but, great gods! I need one thing more; unless I +have it, I am a dead man. Hearken, my little Euripides, only give me +this and I go, never to return. For pity's sake, do give me a few +small herbs for my basket. + +EURIPIDES +You wish to ruin me then. Here, take what you want; but it is +all over with my pieces! + +DICAEOPOLIS +I won't ask another thing; I'm going. I am too importunate and +forget that I rouse against me the hate of kings.--Ah! wretch that I am! +I am lost! I have forgotten one thing, without which all the rest is +as nothing. Euripides, my excellent Euripides, my dear little Euripides, +may I die if I ask you again for the smallest present; only one, the last, +absolutely the last; give me some of the chervil your mother left +you in her will. + +EURIPIDES +Insolent hound! Slave, lock the door! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, my soul! I must go away without the chervil. Art thou +sensible of the dangerous battle we are about to engage upon in +defending the Lacedaemonians? Courage, my soul, we must plunge +into the midst of it. Dost thou hesitate and art thou fully steeped +in Euripides? That's right! do not falter, my poor heart, and let us risk +our head to say what we hold for truth. Courage and boldly to +the front. I wonder I am so brave. + +CHORUS +What do you purport doing? what are you going to say? What an +impudent fellow! what a brazen heart! to dare to stake his head and +uphold an opinion contrary to that of us all! And he does not +tremble to face this peril. Come, it is you who desired it, speak! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Spectators, be not angered if, although I am a beggar, I dare in +a Comedy to speak before the people of Athens of the public weal; +Comedy too can sometimes discern what is right. I shall not please, +but I shall say what is true. Besides, Cleon shall not be able to accuse +me of attacking Athens before strangers;[1] we are by ourselves at the +festival of the Lenaea; the period when our allies send us their tribute +and their soldiers is not yet. Here is only the pure wheat +without chaff; as to the resident strangers settled among us, they +and the citizens are one, like the straw and the ear. + +I detest the Lacedaemonians with all my heart, and may Posidon, +the god of Taenarus,[2] cause an earthquake and overturn their dwellings! +My vines also have been cut. But come (there are only friends who +hear me), why accuse the Laconians of all our woes? Some men (I do not +say the city, note particularly that I do not say the city), some +wretches, lost in vices, bereft of honour, who were not even +citizens of good stamp, but strangers, have accused the Megarians of +introducing their produce fraudulently, and not a cucumber, a leveret, +a suck[l]ing pig, a clove of garlic, a lump of salt was seen without its +being said, "Halloa! these come from Megara," and their being +instantly confiscated. Thus far the evil was not serious and we were +the only sufferers. But now some young drunkards go to Megara and +carry off the courtesan Simaetha; the Megarians, hurt to the quick, run +off in turn with two harlots of the house of Aspasia; and so for three +gay women Greece is set ablaze. Then Pericles, aflame with ire on his +Olympian height, let loose the lightning, caused the thunder to +roll, upset Greece and passed an edict, which ran like the song, "That +the Megarians be banished both from our land and from our markets +and from the sea and from the continent."[3] Meanwhile the Megarians, +who were beginning to die of hunger, begged the Lacedaemonians to bring +about the abolition of the decree, of which those harlots were the +cause; several times we refused their demand; and from that time there +was horrible clatter of arms everywhere. You will say that Sparta +was wrong, but what should she have done? Answer that. Suppose that +a Lacedaemonian had seized a little Seriphian[4] dog on any pretext and +had sold it, would you have endured it quietly? Far from it, you would +at once have sent three hundred vessels to sea, and what an uproar +there would have been through all the city! there 'tis a band of +noisy soldiery, here a brawl about the election of a Trierarch; +elsewhere pay is being distributed, the Pallas figure-heads are +being regilded, crowds are surging under the market porticos, +encumbered with wheat that is being measured, wine-skins, +oar-leathers, garlic, olives, onions in nets; everywhere are chaplets, +sprats, flute-girls, black eyes; in the arsenal bolts are being +noisily driven home, sweeps are being made and fitted with leathers; +we hear nothing but the sound of whistles, of flutes and fifes to +encourage the work-folk. That is what you assuredly would have done, +and would not Telephus have done the same? So I come to my general +conclusion; we have no common sense. + +f[1] 'The Babylonians' had been produced at a time of year when Athens +was crowded with strangers; 'The Acharnians,' on the contrary, was played +in December. +f[2] Sparta had been menaced with an earthquake in 427 B.C. Posidon +was 'The Earthshaker,' god of earthquakes, as well as of the sea. +f[3] A song by Timocreon the Rhodian, the words of which were practically +identical with Pericles' decree. +f[4] A small and insignificant island, one of the Cyclades, allied with +the Athenians, like months of these islands previous to and during +the first part of the Peloponnesian War. + +FIRST SEMI-CHORUS +Oh! wretch! oh! infamous man! You are naught but a beggar and +yet you dare to talk to us like this! you insult their worships +the informers! + +SECOND SEMI-CHORUS +By Posidon! he speaks the truth; he has not lied in a single detail. + +FIRST SEMI-CHORUS +But though it be true, need he say it? But you'll have no great +cause to be proud of your insolence! + +SECOND SEMI-CHORUS +Where are you running to? Don't you move; if you strike this man, +I shall be at you. + +FIRST SEMI-CHORUS +Lamachus, whose glance flashes lightning, whose plume +petrifies thy foes, help! Oh! Lamachus, my friend, the hero of my +tribe and all of you, both officers and soldiers, defenders of our +walls, come to my aid; else is it all over with me! + +LAMACHUS +Whence comes this cry of battle? where must I bring my aid? +where must I sow dread? who wants me to uncase my dreadful Gorgon's +head?[1] + +f[1] A figure of Medusa's head, forming the centre of Lamachus' shield. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, Lamachus, great hero! Your plumes and your cohorts terrify me. + +CHORUS +This man, Lamachus, incessantly abuses Athens. + +LAMACHUS +You are but a mendicant and you dare to use language of this sort? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, brave Lamachus, forgive a beggar who speaks at hazard. + +LAMACHUS +But what have you said? Let us hear. + +DICAEOPOLIS +I know nothing about it; the sight of weapons makes me dizzy. +Oh! I adjure you, take that fearful Gorgon somewhat farther away. + +LAMACHUS +There. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Now place it face downwards on the ground. + +LAMACHUS +It is done. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Give me a plume out of your helmet. + +LAMACHUS +Here is a feather. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And hold my head while I vomit; the plumes have turned my stomach. + +LAMACHUS +Hah! what are you proposing to do? do you want to make yourself +vomit with this feather? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Is it a feather? what bird's? a braggart's? + +LAMACHUS +Ah! ah! I will rip you open. + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, no, Lamachus! Violence is out of place here! But as you are so +strong, why did you not circumcise me? You have all the tools you want +for the operation there. + +LAMACHUS +A beggar dares thus address a general! + +DICAEOPOLIS +How? Am I a beggar? + +LAMACHUS +What are you then? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Who am I? A good citizen, not ambitious; a soldier, who has fought +well since the outbreak of the war, whereas you are but a vile +mercenary. + +LAMACHUS +They elected me... + +DICAEOPOLIS +Yes, three cuckoos did![1] If I have concluded peace, 'twas +disgust that drove me; for I see men with hoary heads in the ranks and +young fellows of your age shirking service. Some are in Thrace getting +an allowance of three drachmae, such fellows as Tisamenophoenippus +and Panurgipparchides. The others are with Chares or in Chaonia, men +like Geretotheodorus and Diomialazon; there are some of the same +kidney, too, at Camarina and at Gela,[2] the laughing-stock of all and sundry. + +f[1] Indicates the character of his election, which was arranged, so +Aristophanes implies, by his partisans. +f[2] Town in Sicily. There is a pun on the name Gela and 'ridiculous' +which it is impossible to keep in English. Apparently the Athenians +had sent embassies to all parts of the Greek world to arrange treaties +of alliance in view of the struggle with the Lacedaemonians; but only +young debauchees of aristocratic connections had been chosen as envoys. + +LAMACHUS +They were elected. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And why do you always receive your pay, when none of these +others ever gets any? Speak, Marilades, you have grey hair; well then, +have you ever been entrusted with a mission? See! he shakes his +head. Yet he is an active as well as a prudent man. And you, Dracyllus, +Euphorides or Prinides, have you knowledge of Ecbatana or +Chaonia? You say no, do you not? Such offices are good for the son +of Caesyra[1] and Lamachus, who, but yesterday ruined with debt, never +pay their shot, and whom all their friends avoid as foot passengers +dodge the folks who empty their slops out of window. + +f[1] A contemporary orator apparently, otherwise unknown. + +LAMACHUS +Oh! in freedom's name! are such exaggerations to be borne? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Lamachus is well content; no doubt he is well paid, you know. + +LAMACHUS +But I propose always to war with the Peloponnesians, both at sea, on land +and everywhere to make them tremble, and trounce them soundly. + +DICAEOPOLIS +For my own part, I make proclamation to all Peloponnesians, +Megarians and Boeotians, that to them my markets are open; but I debar +Lamachus from entering them. + +CHORUS +Convinced by this man's speech, the folk have changed their view +and approve him for having concluded peace. But let us prepare for the +recital of the parabasis.[1] + +Never since our poet presented Comedies, has he praised himself +upon the stage; but, having been slandered by his enemies amongst +the volatile Athenians, accused of scoffing at his country and of +insulting the people, to-day he wishes to reply and regain for himself +the inconstant Athenians. He maintains that he has done much that is +good for you; if you no longer allow yourselves to be too much +hoodwinked by strangers or seduced by flattery, if in politics you are +no longer the ninnies you once were, it is thanks to him. Formerly, +when delegates from other cities wanted to deceive you, they had but +to style you, "the people crowned with violets," and at the word +"violets" you at once sat erect on the tips of your bums. Or if, to +tickle your vanity, someone spoke of "rich and sleek Athens," in +return for that "sleekness" he would get all, because he spoke of you +as he would have of anchovies in oil. In cautioning you against +such wiles, the poet has done you great service as well as +in forcing you to understand what is really the democratic +principle. Thus, the strangers, who came to pay their tributes, +wanted to see this great poet, who had dared to speak the truth to +Athens. And so far has the fame of his boldness reached that one day +the Great King, when questioning the Lacedaemonian delegates, first +asked them which of the two rival cities was the superior at sea, +and then immediately demanded at which it was that the comic poet +directed his biting satire. "Happy that city," he added, "if it +listens to his counsel; it will grow in power, and its victory is +assured." This is why the Lacedaemonians offer you peace, if you +will cede them Aegina; not that they care for the isle, but they +wish to rob you of your poet.[2] As for you, never lose him, who will +always fight for the cause of justice in his Comedies; he promises you +that his precepts will lead you to happiness, though he uses neither +flattery, nor bribery, nor intrigue, nor deceit; instead of loading +you with praise, he will point you to the better way. I scoff at +Cleon's tricks and plotting; honesty and justice shall fight my cause; +never will you find me a political poltroon, a prostitute to the +highest bidder. + +I invoke thee, Acharnian Muse, fierce and fell as the devouring fire; +sudden as the spark that bursts from the crackling oaken coal when +roused by the quickening fan to fry little fishes, while others knead +the dough or whip the sharp Thasian pickle with rapid hand, so break +forth, my Muse, and inspire thy tribesmen with rough, vigorous, +stirring strains. + +We others, now old men and heavy with years, we reproach the city; +so many are the victories we have gained for the Athenian fleets +that we well deserve to be cared for in our declining life; yet far +from this, we are ill-used, harassed with law-suits, delivered over to +the scorn of stripling orators. Our minds and bodies being ravaged +with age, Posidon should protect us, yet we have no other support than +a staff. When standing before the judge, we can scarcely stammer forth +the fewest words, and of justice we see but its barest shadow, whereas +the accuser, desirous of conciliating the younger men, overwhelms us +with his ready rhetoric; he drags us before the judge, presses us with +questions, lays traps for us; the onslaught troubles, upsets and ruins +poor old Tithonus, who, crushed with age, stands tongue-tied; +sentenced to a fine,[3] he weeps, he sobs and says to his friend, +"This fine robs me of the last trifle that was to have bought my coffin." + +Is this not a scandal? What! the clepsydra[4] is to kill the +white-haired veteran, who, in fierce fighting, has so oft covered +himself with glorious sweat, whose valour at Marathon saved the +country! 'Twas we who pursued on the field of Marathon, +whereas now 'tis wretches who pursue us to the death and crush us! +What would Marpsias reply to this?[5] What an injustice that a man, +bent with age like Thucydides, should be brow-beaten by this braggart +advocate, Cephisodemus,[6] who is as savage as the Scythian desert +he was born in! Is it not to convict him from the outset? I wept tears +of pity when I saw an Archer[7] maltreat this old man, who, by Ceres, +when he was young and the true Thucydides, would not have permitted +an insult from Ceres herself! At that date he would have floored +ten orators, he would have terrified three thousand Archers with his +shouts; he would have pierced the whole line of the enemy with his shafts. +Ah! but if you will not leave the aged in peace, decree that the advocates +be matched; thus the old man will only be confronted with a toothless +greybeard, the young will fight with the braggart, the ignoble +with the son of Clinias;[8] make a law that in the future, the old man +can only be summoned and convicted at the courts by the aged +and the young man by the youth. + +f[1] The 'parabasis' in the Old Comedy was a sort of address or topical +harangue addressed directly by the poet, speaking by the Chorus, +to the audience. It was nearly always political in bearing, and the subject +of the particular piece was for the time being set aside altogether. +f[2] It will be remembered that Aristophanes owned land in Aegina. +f[3] Everything was made the object of a law-suit in Athens. The old +soldiers, inexpert at speaking, often lost the day. +f[4] A water-clock used to limit the length of speeches in the courts. +f[5] A braggart speaker, fiery and pugnacious. +f[6] Cephisodemus was an Athenian, but through his mother possessed +Scythian blood. +f[7] The city of Athens was policed by Scythian archers. +f[8] Alcibiades. + +DICAEOPOLIS +These are the confines of my market-place. All Peloponnesians, +Megarians, Boeotians, have the right to come and trade here, +provided they sell their wares to me and not to Lamachus. As +market-inspectors I appoint these three whips of Leprean[1] leather, +chosen by lot. Warned away are all informers and all men of Phasis.[2] +They are bringing me the pillar on which the treaty is inscribed[3] and +I shall erect it in the centre of the market, well in sight of all. + +f[1] The leather market was held in Lepros, outside the city. +f[2] Mean an informer ([from the Greek] 'to denounce'). +f[3] According to the Athenian custom. + +A MEGARIAN +Hail! market of Athens, beloved of Megarians. Let Zeus, the patron +of friendship, witness, I regretted you as a mother mourns her son. +Come, poor little daughters of an unfortunate father, try to find +something to eat; listen to me with the full heed of an empty belly. +Which would you prefer? To be sold or to cry with hunger? + +DAUGHTERS +To be sold, to be sold! + +MEGARIAN +That is my opinion too. But who would make so sorry a deal as to +buy you? Ah! I recall me a Megarian trick; I am going to disguise +you as little porkers, that I am offering for sale. Fit your hands +with these hoofs and take care to appear the issue of a sow of good +breed, for, if I am forced to take you back to the house, by Hermes! +you will suffer cruelly of hunger! Then fix on these snouts and cram +yourselves into this sack. Forget not to grunt and to say wee-wee like +the little pigs that are sacrificed in the Mysteries. I must summon +Dicaeopolis. Where is be? Dicaeopolis, do you want to buy +some nice little porkers? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Who are you? a Megarian? + +MEGARIAN +I have come to your market. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Well, how are things at Megara?[1] + +f[1] Megara was allied to Sparta and suffered during the war more than +any other city because of its proximity to Athens. + +MEGARIAN +We are crying with hunger at our firesides. + +DICAEOPOLIS +The fireside is jolly enough with a piper. But what else is +doing at Megara, eh? + +MEGARIAN +What else? When I left for the market, the authorities were taking +steps to let us die in the quickest manner. + +DICAEOPOLIS +That is the best way to get you out of all your troubles. + +MEGARIAN +True. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What other news of Megara? What is wheat selling at? + +MEGARIAN +With us it is valued as highly as the very gods in heaven! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Is it salt that you are bringing? + +MEGARIAN +Are you not holding back the salt? + +DICAEOPOLIS +'Tis garlic then? + +MEGARIAN +What! garlic! do you not at every raid grub up the ground with your +pikes to pull out every single head? + +DICAEOPOLIS +What DO you bring then? + +MEGARIAN +Little sows, like those they immolate at the Mysteries. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! very well, show me them. + +MEGARIAN +They are very fine; feel their weight. See! how fat and fine. + +DICAEOPOLIS +But what is this? + +MEGARIAN +A SOW, for a certainty.[1] + +f[1] Throughout this whole scene there is an obscene play upon [a] word +which means in Greek both 'sow' and 'a woman's organs of generation.' + +DICAEOPOLIS +You say a sow! Of what country, then? + +MEGARIAN + From Megara. What! is it not a sow then? + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, I don't believe it is. + +MEGARIAN +This is too much! what an incredulous man! He says 'tis not a sow; +but we will stake, an you will, a measure of salt ground up with +thyme, that in good Greek this is called a sow and nothing else. + +DICAEOPOLIS +But a sow of the human kind. + +MEGARIAN +Without question, by Diocles! of my own breed! Well! What think +you? will you hear them squeal? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Well, yes, I' faith, I will. + +MEGARIAN +Cry quickly, wee sowlet; squeak up, hussy, or by Hermes! I take you +back to the house. + +GIRL +Wee-wee, wee-wee! + +MEGARIAN +Is that a little sow, or not? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Yes, it seems so; but let it grow up, and it will be a fine fat bitch. + +MEGARIAN +In five years it will be just like its mother. + +DICAEOPOLIS +But it cannot be sacrificed. + +MEGARIAN +And why not? + +DICAEOPOLIS +It has no tail.[1] + +f[1] Sacrificial victims were bound to be perfect in every part; an animal, +therefore, without a tail could not be offered. + +MEGARIAN +Because it is quite young, but in good time it will have a big one, +thick and red. + +DICAEOPOLIS +The two are as like as two peas. + +MEGARIAN +They are born of the same father and mother; let them be fattened, +let them grow their bristles, and they will be the finest sows you can +offer to Aphrodite. + +DICAEOPOLIS +But sows are not immolated to Aphrodite. + +MEGARIAN +Not sows to Aphrodite! Why, 'tis the only goddess to whom they +are offered! the flesh of my sows will be excellent on the spit. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Can they eat alone? They no longer need their mother! + +MEGARIAN +Certainly not, nor their father. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What do they like most? + +MEGARIAN +Whatever is given them; but ask for yourself. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Speak! little sow. + +DAUGHTER +Wee-wee, wee-wee! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Can you eat chick-pease? + +DAUGHTER +Wee-wee, wee-wee, wee-wee! + +DICAEOPOLIS +And Attic figs? + +DAUGHTER +Wee-wee, wee-wee! + +DICAEOPOLIS +What sharp squeaks at the name of figs. Come, let some figs be +brought for these little pigs. Will they eat them? Goodness! how +they munch them, what a grinding of teeth, mighty Heracles! I +believe those pigs hail from the land of the Voracians. But surely +'tis impossible they have bolted all the figs! + +MEGARIAN +Yes, certainly, bar this one that I took from them. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! what funny creatures! For what sum will you sell them? + +MEGARIAN +I will give you one for a bunch of garlic, and the other, if you +like, for a quart measure of salt. + +DICAEOPOLIS +I buy them of you. Wait for me here. + +MEGARIAN +The deal is done. Hermes, god of good traders, grant I may sell +both my wife and my mother in the same way! + +AN INFORMER +Hi! fellow, what countryman are you? + +MEGARIAN +I am a pig-merchant from Megara. + +INFORMER +I shall denounce both your pigs and yourself as public enemies. + +MEGARIAN +Ah! here our troubles begin afresh! + +INFORMER +Let go that sack. I will punish your Megarian lingo![1] + +f[1] The Megarians used the Doric dialect. + +MEGARIAN +Dicaeopolis, Dicaeopolis, they want to denounce me. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Who dares do this thing? Inspectors, drive out the informers. +Ah! you offer to enlighten us without a lamp![1] + +f[1] A play upon [a] word which both means 'to light' and 'to denounce.' + +INFORMER +What! I may not denounce our enemies? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Have a care for yourself, if you don't go off pretty quick to denounce +elsewhere. + +MEGARIAN +What a plague to Athens! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Be reassured, Megarian. Here is the price for your two swine, +the garlic and the salt. Farewell and much happiness! + +MEGARIAN +Ah! we never have that amongst us. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Well! may the inopportune wish apply to myself. + +MEGARIAN +Farewell, dear little sows, and seek, far from your father, to +munch your bread with salt, if they give you any. + +CHORUS +Here is a man truly happy. See how everything succeeds to his +wish. Peacefully seated in his market, he will earn his living; woe to +Ctesias,[1] and all other informers who dare to enter there! You will not +be cheated as to the value of wares, you will not again see Prepis[2] +wiping his foul rump, nor will Cleonymus[3] jostle you; you will take your +walks, clothed in a fine tunic, without meeting Hyperbolus[4] and his +unceasing quibblings, without being accosted on the public place by +any importunate fellow, neither by Cratinus,[5] shaven in the fashion +of the debauchees, nor by this musician, who plagues us with his silly +improvisations, Artemo, with his arm-pits stinking as foul as a goat, +like his father before him. You will not be the butt of the villainous +Pauson's[6] jeers, nor of Lysistratus,[7] the disgrace +of the Cholargian deme, who is the incarnation of all the vices, +and endures cold and hunger more than thirty days in the month. + +f[1] An informer (sycophant), otherwise unknown. +f[2] A debauchee of vile habits; a pathic. +f[3] Mentioned above; he was as proud as he was cowardly. +f[4] An Athenian general, quarrelsome and litigious, and an Informer +into the bargain. +f[5] A comic poet of vile habits. +f[6] A painter. +f[7] A debauchee, a gambler, and always in extreme poverty. + +A BOEOTIAN +By Heracles! my shoulder is quite black and blue. Ismenias, put +the penny-royal down there very gently, and all of you, musicians +from Thebes, pipe with your bone flutes into a dog's rump.[1] + +f[1] This kind of flute had a bellows, made of dog-skin, much like +the bagpipes of to-day. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Enough, enough, get you gone. Rascally hornets, away with you! +Whence has sprung this accursed swarm of Charis[1] fellows which comes +assailing my door? + +f[1] A flute-player, mentioned above. + +BOEOTIAN +Ah! by Iolas![1] Drive them off, my dear host, you will please me +immensely; all the way from Thebes, they were there piping behind me +and have completely stripped my penny-royal of its blossom. +But will you buy anything of me, some chickens or some locusts? + +f[1] A hero, much honoured in Thebes; nephew of Heracles. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! good day, Boeotian, eater of good round loaves.[1] What do you +bring? + +f[1] A form of bread peculiar to Boeotia. + +BOEOTIAN +All that is good in Boeotia, marjoram, penny-royal, rush-mats, +lamp-wicks, ducks, jays, woodcocks, water-fowl, wrens, divers. + +DICAEOPOLIS +'Tis a very hail of birds that beats down on my market. + +BOEOTIAN +I also bring geese, hares, foxes, moles, hedgehogs, cats, lyres, +martins, otters and eels from the Copaic lake.[1] +f[1] A lake in Boeotia. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! my friend, you, who bring me the most delicious of fish, +let me salute your eels. + +BOEOTIAN +Come, thou, the eldest of my fifty Copaic virgins, come and +complete the joy of our host. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh! my well-beloved, thou object of my long regrets, thou art here +at last then, thou, after whom the comic poets sigh, thou, who art +dear to Morychus.[1] Slaves, hither with the stove and the bellows. +Look at this charming eel, that returns to us after six long years +of absence.[2] Salute it, my children; as for myself, I will supply +coal to do honour to the stranger. Take it into my house; death itself +could not separate me from her, if cooked with beet leaves. +f[1] He was the Lucullus of Athens. +f[2] This again fixes the date of the presentation of 'The +Acharnians' to 436 B.C., the sixth year of the War, since the +beginning of which Boeotia had been closed to the Athenians. + +BOEOTIAN +And what will you give me in return? + +DICAEOPOLIS +It will pay for your market dues. And as to the rest, what do +you wish to sell me? + +BOEOTIAN +Why, everything. + +DICAEOPOLIS +On what terms? For ready-money or in wares from these parts? + +BOEOTIAN +I would take some Athenian produce, that we have not got +in Boeotia. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Phaleric anchovies, pottery? + +BOEOTIAN +Anchovies, pottery? But these we have. I want produce that is +wanting with us and that is plentiful here. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! I have the very thing; take away an Informer, packed up +carefully as crockery-ware. + +BOEOTIAN +By the twin gods! I should earn big money, if I took one; I +would exhibit him as an ape full of spite. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Hah! here we have Nicarchus,[1] who comes to denounce you. +f[1] An informer. + +BOEOTIAN +How small he is! + +DICAEOPOLIS +But in his case the whole is one mass of ill-nature. + +NICARCHUS +Whose are these goods? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Mine; they come from Boeotia, I call Zeus to witness. + +NICARCHUS +I denounce them as coming from an enemy's country. + +BOEOTIAN +What! you declare war against birds? + +NICARCHUS +And I am going to denounce you too. + +BOEOTIAN +What harm have I done you? + +NICARCHUS +I will say it for the benefit of those that listen; you introduce lamp-wicks +from an enemy's country. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Then you go as far as denouncing a wick. + +NICARCHUS +It needs but one to set an arsenal afire. + +DICAEOPOLIS +A wick set an arsenal ablaze! But how, great gods? + +NICARCHUS +Should a Boeotian attach it to an insect's wing, and, taking +advantage of a violent north wind, throw it by means of a tube into +the arsenal and the fire once get hold of the vessels, everything +would soon be devoured by the flames. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! wretch! an insect and a wick devour everything! +(HE STRIKES HIM.) + +NICARCHUS (TO THE CHORUS) +You will bear witness, that he mishandles me. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Shut his mouth. Give me some hay; I am going to pack him up like +a vase, that he may not get broken on the road. + +CHORUS +Pack up your goods carefully, friend; that the stranger may not +break it when taking it away. + +DICAEOPOLIS +I shall take great care with it, for one would say he is cracked already; +he rings with a false note, which the gods abhor. + +CHORUS +But what will be done with him? + +DICAEOPOLIS +This is a vase good for all purposes; it will be used as a vessel for holding +all foul things, a mortar for pounding together law-suits, a lamp +for spying upon accounts, and as a cup for the mixing up and poisoning +of everything. + +CHORUS +None could ever trust a vessel for domestic use that has such a +ring about it. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh! it is strong, my friend, and will never get broken, if care is +taken to hang it head downwards. + +CHORUS +There! it is well packed now! + +BOEOTIAN +Marry, I will proceed to carry off my bundle. + +CHORUS +Farewell, worthiest of strangers, take this informer, good for +anything, and fling him where you like. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Bah! this rogue has given me enough trouble to pack! Here! +Boeotian, pick up your pottery. + +BOEOTIAN +Stoop, Ismenias, that I may put it on your shoulder, and be very +careful with it. + +DICAEOPOLIS +You carry nothing worth having; however, take it, for you will +profit by your bargain; the Informers will bring you luck. + +A SERVANT OF LAMACHUS +Dicaeopolis! + +DICAEOPOLIS +What do you want crying this gait? + +SERVANT +Lamachus wants to keep the Feast of Cups,[1] and I come by his order +to bid you one drachma for some thrushes and three more for a Copaic eel. + +f[1] The second day of the Dionysia or feasts of Bacchus, kept in the month +Anthesterion (February), and called the Anthesteria. They lasted three +days; the second being the Feast of Cups, the third the Feast of Pans. +Vases, filled with grain of all kinds, were borne in procession and +dedicated to Hermes. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And who is this Lamachus, who demands an eel? + +SERVANT +'Tis the terrible, indefatigable Lamachus, who is always brandishing +his fearful Gorgon's head and the three plumes which o'ershadow +his helmet. + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, no, he will get nothing, even though he gave me his buckler. +Let him eat salt fish, while he shakes his plumes, and, if he comes +here making any din, I shall call the inspectors. As for myself, +I shall take away all these goods; I go home on thrushes' wings +and black-birds' pinions.[1] + +f[1] A parody on some verses from a lost poet. + +CHORUS +You see, citizens, you see the good fortune which this man owes to +his prudence, to his profound wisdom. You see how, since he has +concluded peace, he buys what is useful in the household and good to +eat hot. All good things flow towards him unsought. Never will I welcome +the god of war in my house; never shall he chant the "Harmodius" at +my table;[1] he is a sot, who comes feasting with those who are +overflowing with good things and brings all manner of mischief at his +heels. He overthrows, ruins, rips open; 'tis vain to make him a +thousand offers, "be seated, pray, drink this cup, proffered in all +friendship," he burns our vine-stocks and brutally pours out the wine +from our vineyards +on the ground. This man, on the other hand, covers his table with +a thousand dishes; proud of his good fortunes, he has had these feathers +cast before his door to show us how he lives. + +f[1] A feasting song in honour of Harmodius, the assassin of Hipparchus +the Tyrant, son of Pisistratus. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh, Peace! companion of fair Aphrodite and of the sweet Graces, +how charming are thy features and yet I never knew it! Would that Eros +might join me to thee, Eros, crowned with roses as Zeuxis[1] shows him to +us! Perhaps I seem somewhat old to you, but I am yet able to make you a +threefold offering; despite my age I could plant a long row of vines for you; +then beside these some tender cuttings from the fig; finally a young +vine-stock, loaded with fruit and all around the field olive trees, which +would furnish us with oil, wherewith to anoint us both at the New Moons. + +f[1] The celebrated painter, born in Heraclea, a contemporary +of Aristophanes. + +HERALD +List, ye people! As was the custom of your forebears, empty a full +pitcher of wine at the call of the trumpet; he, who first sees the +bottom, shall get a wine-skin as round and plump as Ctesiphon's belly. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Women, children, have you not heard? Faith! do you not heed the +herald? Quick! let the hares boil and roast merrily; keep them +a-turning; withdraw them from the flame; prepare the chaplets; +reach me the skewers that I may spit the thrushes. + +CHORUS +I envy you your wisdom and even more your good cheer. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What then will you say when you see the thrushes roasting? + +CHORUS +Ah! true indeed! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Slave! stir up the fire. + +CHORUS +See, how he knows his business, what a perfect cook! How well +he understands the way to prepare a good dinner! + +A HUSBANDMAN +Ah! woe is me! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Heracles! What have we here? + +HUSBANDMAN +A most miserable man. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Keep your misery for yourself. + +HUSBANDMAN +Ah! friend! since you alone are enjoying peace, grant me a part +of your truce, were it but five years. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What has happened to you? + +HUSBANDMAN +I am ruined; I have lost a pair of steers. + +DICAEOPOLIS +How? + +HUSBANDMAN +The Boeotians seized them at Phyle.[1] + +f[1] A deme and frontier fortress of Attica, near the Boeotian border. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! poor wretch! and yet you have not left off white? + +HUSBANDMAN +Their dung made my wealth. + +DICAEOPOLIS +What can I do in the matter? + +HUSBANDMAN +Crying for my beasts has lost me my eyesight. Ah! if you care for poor +Dercetes of Phyle, anoint mine eyes quickly with your balm of peace. + +DICAEOPOLIS +But, my poor fellow, I do not practise medicine. + +HUSBANDMAN +Come, I adjure you; perhaps I shall recover my steers. + +DICAEOPOLIS +'Tis impossible; away, go and whine to the disciples of Pittalus.[1] + +f[1] An Athenian physician of the day. + +HUSBANDMAN +Grant me but one drop of peace; pour it into this reedlet. + +DICAEOPOLIS +No, not a particle; go a-weeping elsewhere. + +HUSBANDMAN +Oh! oh! oh! my poor beasts! + +CHORUS +This man has discovered the sweetest enjoyment in peace; he will share it +with none. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Pour honey over this tripe; set it before the fire to dry. + +CHORUS +What lofty tones he uses! Did you hear him? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Get the eels on the gridiron! + +CHORUS +You are killing me with hunger; your smoke is choking your +neighbours, and you split our ears with your bawling. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Have this fried and let it be nicely browned. + +A BRIDESMAID +Dicaeopolis! Dicaeopolis! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Who are you? + +BRIDESMAID +A young bridegroom sends you these viands from the marriage feast. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Whoever he be, I thank him. + +BRIDESMAID +And in return, he prays you to pour a glass of peace into this vase, +that he may not have to go to the front and may stay at home +to do his duty to his young wife. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Take back, take back your viands; for a thousand drachmae I +would not give a drop of peace; but who are you, pray? + +BRIDESMAID +I am the bridesmaid; she wants to say something to you +from the bride privately. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Come, what do you wish to say? (THE BRIDESMAID WHISPERS IN +HIS EAR.) Ah! what a ridiculous demand! The bride burns with longing +to keep by her her husband's weapon. Come! \bring hither my truce; to +her alone will I give some of it, for she is a woman, and, as such, +should not suffer under the war. Here, friend, reach hither your vial. +And as to the manner of applying this balm, tell the bride, when a +levy of soldiers is made to rub some in bed on her husband, where +most needed. There, slave, take away my truce! Now, quick, bring me +the wine-flagon, that I may fill up the drinking bowls! + +CHORUS +I see a man, striding along apace, with knitted brows; he seems +to us the bearer of terrible tidings. + +HERALD +Oh! toils and battles, 'tis Lamachus! + +LAMACHUS +What noise resounds around my dwelling, where shines the glint +of arms. + +HERALD +The Generals order you forthwith to take your battalions and +your plumes, and, despite the snow, to go and guard our borders. +They have learnt that a band of Boeotians intend taking advantage +of the Feast of Cups to invade our country. + +LAMACHUS +Ah! the Generals! they are numerous, but not good for much! +It's cruel, not to be able to enjoy the feast! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Oh! warlike host of Lamachus! + +LAMACHUS +Wretch! do you dare to jeer me? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Do you want to fight this four-winged Geryon? + +LAMACHUS +Oh! oh! what fearful tidings! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! ah! I see another herald running up; what news does he bring me? + +HERALD +Dicaeopolis! + +DICAEOPOLIS +What is the matter? + +HERALD +Come quickly to the feast and bring your basket and your cup; +'tis the priest of Bacchus who invites you. But hasten, the guests +have been waiting for you a long while. All is ready--couches, +tables, cushions, chaplets, perfumes, dainties and courtesans to boot; +biscuits, cakes, sesame-bread, tarts, lovely dancing women, the sweetest +charm of the festivity. But come with all haste. + +LAMACHUS +Oh! hostile gods! + +DICAEOPOLIS +This is not astounding; you have chosen this huge, great ugly Gorgon's head +for your patron. You, shut the door, and let someone get ready the meal. + +LAMACHUS +Slave! slave! my knapsack! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Slave! slave! a basket! + +LAMACHUS +Take salt and thyme, slave, and don't forget the onions. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Get some fish for me; I cannot bear onions. + +LAMACHUS +Slave, wrap me up a little stale salt meat in a fig-leaf. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And for me some good greasy tripe in a fig-leaf; I will have it cooked here. + +LAMACHUS +Bring me the plumes for my helmet. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Bring me wild pigeons and thrushes. + +LAMACHUS +How white and beautiful are these ostrich feathers! + +DICAEOPOLIS +How fat and well browned is the flesh of this wood-pigeon! + +LAMACHUS +Bring me the case for my triple plume. + +DICAEOPOLIS + +Pass me over that dish of hare. + +LAMACHUS +OH! the moths have eaten the hair of my crest. + +DICAEOPOLIS +I shall always eat hare before dinner. + +LAMACHUS +Hi! friend! try not to scoff at my armor? + +DICAEOPOLIS +Hi! friend! will you kindly not stare at my thrushes. + +LAMACHUS +Hi! friend! will you kindly not address me. + +DICAEOPOLIS +I do not address you; I am scolding my slave. Shall we wager and submit +the matter to Lamachus, which of the two is the best to eat, a locust or +a thrush? + +LAMACHUS +Insolent hound! + +DICAEOPOLIS +He much prefers the locusts. + +LAMACHUS +Slave, unhook my spear and bring it to me. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Slave, slave, take the sausage from the fire and bring it to me. + +LAMACHUS +Come, let me draw my spear from its sheath. Hold it, slave, hold it tight. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And you, slave, grip, grip well hold of the skewer. + +LAMACHUS +Slave, the bracings for my shield. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Pull the loaves out of the oven and bring me these bracings of my stomach. + +LAMACHUS +My round buckler with the Gorgon's head. + +DICAEOPOLIS +My round cheese-cake. + +LAMACHUS +What clumsy wit! + +DICAEOPOLIS +What delicious cheese-cake! + +LAMACHUS +Pour oil on the buckler. Hah! hah! I can see reflected there an old +man who will be accused of cowardice. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Pour honey on the cake. Hah! hah! I can see an old man who makes +Lamachus of the Gorgon's head weep with rage. + +LAMACHUS +Slave, full war armour. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Slave, my beaker; that is MY armour. + +LAMACHUS +With this I hold my ground with any foe. + +DICAEOPOLIS +And I with this with any tosspot. + +LAMACHUS +Fasten the strappings to the buckler; personally I shall carry the knapsack + +DICAEOPOLIS +Pack the dinner well into the basket; personally I shall carry the cloak. + +LAMACHUS +Slave, take up the buckler and let's be off. It is snowing! Ah! +'tis a question of facing the winter. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Take up the basket, 'tis a question of getting to the feast. + + +CHORUS +We wish you both joy on your journeys, which differ so much. One goes +to mount guard and freeze, while the other will drink, crowned +with flowers, and then sleep with a young beauty, who will excite +him readily. + +I say it freely; may Zeus confound Antimachus, the poet-historian, +the son of Psacas! When Choregus at the Lenaea, alas! alas! he +dismissed me dinnerless. May I see him devouring with his eyes a +cuttle-fish, just served, well cooked, hot and properly salted; and +the moment that he stretches his hand to help himself, may a dog seize +it and run off with it. Such is my first wish. I also hope for him a +misfortune at night. That returning all-fevered from horse practice, +he may meet an Orestes,[1] mad with drink, who breaks open his head; +that wishing to seize a stone, he, in the dark, may pick up a fresh stool, +hurl his missile, miss aim and hit Cratinus.[2] + +f[1] An allusion to the paroxysms of rage, as represented in many tragedies +familiar to an Athenian audience, of Orestes, the son of Agamemnon, +after he had killed his mother. +f[2] No doubt the comic poet, rival of Aristophanes. + +SLAVE OF LAMACHUS +Slaves of Lamachus! Water, water in a little pot! Make it warm, get ready +cloths, cerate greasy wool and bandages for his ankle. In leaping a ditch, +the master has hurt himself against a stake; he has dislocated and twisted +his ankle, broken his head by falling on a stone, while his Gorgon shot far +away from his buckler. His mighty braggadocio plume rolled on the +ground; at this sight he uttered these doleful words, "Radiant star, I gaze +on thee for the last time; my eyes close to all light, I die." Having +said this, +he falls into the water, gets out again, meets some runaways and pursues +the robbers with his spear at their backsides.[1] But here he comes, +himself. Get the door open. + +f[1] Unexpected wind-up of the story. Aristophanes intends to deride +the boasting of Lamachus, who was always ascribing to himself most +unlikely exploits. + +LAMACHUS +Oh! heavens! oh! heavens! What cruel pain! I faint, I tremble! Alas! +I die! the foe's lance has struck me! But what would hurt me most +would be for Dicaeopolis to see me wounded thus and laugh +at my ill-fortune. + +DICAEOPOLIS (ENTERS WITH TWO COURTESANS) +Oh! my gods! what bosoms! Hard as a quince! Come, my treasures, give +me voluptuous kisses! Glue your lips to mine. Haha! I was the first to +empty my cup. + +LAMACHUS +Oh! cruel fate! how I suffer! accursed wounds! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Hah! hah! hail! Knight Lamachus! (EMBRACES LAMACHUS.) + +LAMACHUS +By the hostile gods! (BITES DICAEOPOLIS.) + +DICAEOPOLIS +Ah! Great gods! + +LAMACHUS +Why do you embrace me? + +DICAEOPOLIS +And why do you bite me? + +LAMACHUS +'Twas a cruel score I was paying back! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Scores are not evened at the Feast of Cups! + +LAMACHUS +Oh! Paean, Paean! + +DICAEOPOLIS +But to-day is not the feast of Paean. + +LAMACHUS +Oh! support my leg, do; ah! hold it tenderly, my friends! + +DICAEOPOLIS +And you, my darlings, take hold of this, both of you! + +LAMACHUS +This blow with the stone makes me dizzy; my sight grows dim. + +DICAEOPOLIS +For myself, I want to get to bed; I am bursting with lustfulness, +I want to be bundling in the dark. + +LAMACHUS +Carry me to the surgeon Pittalus. + +DICAEOPOLIS +Take me to the judges. Where is the king of the feast? +The wine-skin is mine! + +LAMACHUS +That spear has pierced my bones; what torture I endure! + +DICAEOPOLIS +You see this empty cup! I triumph! I triumph! + +CHORUS +Old man, I come at your bidding! You triumph! you triumph! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Again I have brimmed my cup with unmixed wine and drained it at +a draught! + +CHORUS +You triumph then, brave champion; thine is the wine-skin! + +DICAEOPOLIS +Follow me, singing "Triumph! Triumph!" + +CHORUS +Aye! we will sing of thee, thee and thy sacred wine-skin, and we all, +as we follow thee, will repeat in thine honour, "Triumph, Triumph!" + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Acharnians +by Aristophanes + |