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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/31997-8.txt b/31997-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c1e5807 --- /dev/null +++ b/31997-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1977 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Miss Muffet's Christmas Party, by Samuel McChord Crothers + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miss Muffet's Christmas Party + +Author: Samuel McChord Crothers + +Illustrator: Olive M. Long + +Release Date: April 15, 2010 [EBook #31997] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover] + +[Illustration] + + + + +By Samuel M. Crothers + + MEDITATIONS ON VOTES FOR WOMEN. + HUMANLY SPEAKING. + AMONG FRIENDS. + BY THE CHRISTMAS FIRE. + THE PARDONER'S WALLET. + THE ENDLESS LIFE. + THE GENTLE READER. + OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES: THE AUTOCRAT AND HIS FELLOW + BOARDERS. With Portrait. + MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY. Illustrated. + + + HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY + BOSTON AND NEW YORK + + + + +MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY + +[Illustration: _A visitor came_ (page 4)] + + + + +MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY + +BY + +SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS + +ILLUSTRATIONS BY OLIVE M. LONG + + BOSTON AND NEW YORK + HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY + The Riverside Press Cambridge + + + + + COPYRIGHT 1902 BY SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS + ALL RIGHTS RESERVED + + _Published November, 1902_ + + + + + TO MARGERY + BECAUSE, AMONG OTHER THINGS, + WE LIKE THE SAME PEOPLE + +[Illustration] + + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + + + PAGE + + _A visitor came_ (_page 4_) Frontispiece + _Chapter Heading_ 1 + _Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book_ 2 + _To meditate on the passage of time_ 3 + _The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on_ 4 + _Fairly jumped off her tuffet_ 6 + _Chapter Heading_ 8 + _They sat down_ 9 + _Every town crier in England_ 13 + _The blighted being_ 15 + _Chapter Heading_ 18 + _Miss Muffet closed her eyes_ 19 + _She could catch glimpses of travelers_ 20 + _Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind_ 21 + _Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland_ 23 + "_This is the main caravan road to Bagdad_" 25 + _Elves_ 28 + _The woods were full of merry little people_ 29 + _An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked_ 31 + _Chapter Heading_ 32 + _Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people_ 33 + _Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp_ 37 + "_Listening . . . is hard on the eyes_" 39 + _Chapter Heading_ 44 + _The shyest persons in the room_ 45 + _Scampering off into the dark_ 47 + _Chapter Heading_ 54 + "_I am sorry to be so late_" 55 + _Hal cut his string_ 63 + "_I don't think I ever knew two persons more different_" 65 + "_You dear little Rosamond_" 67 + _Chapter Heading_ 69 + _One was beating the other_ 71 + _A little talk about dervishry_ 73 + _An expressive glance at the executioner_ 75 + _Aladdin's brother and the Dervish_ 79 + _Chapter Heading_ 82 + "_I must have the full set_" 85 + _Telling anecdotes_ 87 + "_It all depends on grammar_" 89 + _Chapter Heading_ 92 + _Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_ 93 + _He was a little prudent_ 96 + _The Rockaby Lady saying good-night_ 97 + _Flew away . . . into the night_ 100 + _Into his overcoat pocket_ 101 + _Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance_ 103 + _A long time to get on their overshoes_ 105 + _Closed her eyes_ 106 + _Tail Piece_ 107 + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter I] + + +'Twas the night before Christmas, and it was very quiet in Mrs. Muffet's +house,--altogether too quiet, thought little Miss Muffet, as she sat +trying to eat her curds and whey. For Mrs. Muffet was a very severe +mother and had her own ideas about bringing up children,--and so had Mr. +Muffet, or rather he had the same ideas, only warmed over. One of these +was on the necessity of care in the diet of growing children. "First," +said Mrs. Muffet, "we must find out what the children don't like, and +then we must make them eat plenty of it; next to breaking their wills, +there is nothing so necessary as breaking their appetites." Mrs. Muffet +had read this in a book, and so she knew it must be true; and Mr. Muffet +had heard Mrs. Muffet say it so many times that he knew it was true. + +[Illustration: _Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book_] + +So every morning little Miss Muffet had three courses: first, curds and +whey; second, whey and curds; third, curdled whey. She had the same +things for the other meals, but the order was changed about. An +experienced housekeeper tells me that the third course is impossible to +prepare, as whey cannot be curdled. All I have to say is that this +housekeeper had not known Mrs. Muffet. Mrs. Muffet could curdle +anything. But the worst days of the year for little Miss Muffet were the +holidays, for they were occasions that had to be improved. Now for a +little girl to improve an occasion is about the hardest work she can do, +especially when she doesn't know how. If she had been left to herself, +Miss Muffet wouldn't have improved them at all, but would have left them +in their natural state. + +[Illustration: _To meditate on the passage of time_] + +"Christmas," said Mrs. Muffet in her most economical tone, "comes but +once a year, so we must make it go as far as possible. The best way for +a child to do that is to sit and meditate. You've no idea how long a +holiday seems till you sit still and think about it. Count sixty, that +will be just one minute, and another, and another, and then +another--sixty times one, and then sixty times that, and then +twenty-four times that makes--well--it makes--the exact number doesn't +matter much," said Mrs. Muffet, who wasn't quick at mental arithmetic, +"but you'll see that there are quite a considerable number of seconds in +Christmas Day--quite enough for any growing child." So at Christmas time +Mrs. Muffet would go out to visit the neighbors, leaving the little girl +seated on a very uncomfortable tuffet, to meditate on the passage of +time. + +[Illustration: _The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on_] + +Perhaps some of you would like to know what a tuffet is. I have thought +of that myself, and have taken the trouble to ask several learned +persons. They assure me that the most complete and satisfactory +definition is,--a tuffet is the kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on. +With this explanation I shall go on with my story. As she sat on her +tuffet counting up the seconds of Christmas Eve, and had already reached +the sum of two thousand one hundred and seven, a strange thing happened. +A visitor came and sat down beside her. You guess who he was? Yes--an +elderly, benevolent spider. He was short-sighted and wore green +spectacles, and had evidently a little rheumatism in his legs, but as he +had eight of them, he managed to get along very well. + +Now the way you may have heard the story is that when the kind old +spider sat down beside her, it frightened Miss Muffet away. That story +must be true because I myself have seen it in print, but it happened at +another time, when Miss Muffet was very little indeed. + +On the Christmas Eve I am telling about, she had become a very sensible +little girl, and knew all about spiders, so instead of running away, she +made room for him on the tuffet and said, "I am very glad to see you, +Mr. Spider." Mr. Spider bowed and looked at her in a kindly way through +his spectacles, but said nothing. + +"I hope your family are all well; I mean the family Arachnida, +sub-order, I forget the name. We've enjoyed dissecting those we could +get; and you deserve a great deal of credit for the curious way in which +you are put together, with your funny thorax and everything." + +"Let's change the subject, Miss," said the spider, moving toward the +further side of the tuffet. "This is Christmas Eve." + +[Illustration: _Fairly jumped off her tuffet_] + +"Yes," answered Miss Muffet wearily. "Sixty seconds make a minute; sixty +minutes make an hour. Even Christmas Eve will come to an end some time; +but what's the good? For then Christmas will come, and that will _never_ +get through." + +"What do you say to a party?" + +Miss Muffet fairly jumped off her tuffet, for she had never had a party +in her life. "Who will invite the people?" + +"I will," said the spider. + +"But do you think any one will come if _you_ invite them?" + +"Why not?" + +"Oh! I was just thinking; some people are such 'fraid-cats; and then, +you know, once, one of your family invited the fly to walk into his +parlor. I don't believe the story one bit, but then, you know, Mr. +Spider, it caused talk." + +Mr. Spider positively blushed green. "If you have no objection, let's +change the subject again. Business is business; as for flies, there is a +difference of opinion about them, and we can't all live on curds and +whey, Miss Muffet. But this is to be your party, and we should not +invite flies but folks. How would you like to have a literary party, and +invite all the people you've read about?" + +"How delightful!" cried Miss Muffet gleefully. "What a dear old spider +you are!" + +"Let's write the invitations immediately," said Mr. Spider, taking out +of his pocket a ream of the most delicate cobweb paper. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter II] + + +They sat down with their heads very close together, and such a number of +letters you never saw as Miss Muffet and the spider wrote. Some of them +were very informal, like those beginning "Dear Little Bo-Peep" and "Dear +Red Riding-Hood." They said, "Won't you come to a party at my house? +We're going to have games." Others were very formal like that addressed +to + + The Reverend Swiss Robinson and Family, + Tent House, + Desert Island, + +stating that "Miss Muffet requests the pleasure of your company," etc. +Then there were letters addressed to Wonderland and Back of the North +Wind, and to Lilliput and the Land where the Jumblies Live, and to all +sorts of places which are to be found only on the best maps, and are not +in the school geographies at all. + +Mr. Spider was very careful and businesslike, and insisted that Miss +Muffet should always put down the exact address, for it would never do +to have any of the letters go to the dead-letter office. Sometimes, +however, they were puzzled to find the right direction. + +[Illustration: _They sat down_] + +"Shall I address this letter to Norwich or the Moon?" asked Miss Muffet, +handing him an envelope. + +"Ah!" said the spider, "this is a difficult case; it's hard to reach +these traveling men. Here is a gentleman residing in the Moon, who +suddenly sets out for Norwich without leaving his address. Better direct +the letter to 'Norwich, General Delivery,' and write in the upper left +hand corner, 'If not called for in five minutes, forward to the Moon.'" + +"And I suppose that Gloucester is Dr. Foster's address? That is where I +last heard of him." + +"No; I'm afraid we shall have to give the doctor up. He is a very +peculiar man and took a prejudice against the town, and vowed he would +never go that way again." + +"Oh, yes, I remember," said Miss Muffet; "it was because he didn't like +the way they kept the roads." + +It was a difficult matter to get the correct titles for all the princes +and princesses of Fairyland, and to learn the names of all the crowned +heads. Of course, where their names were in the Court Directory it was +easy enough, for the spider had a huge volume at his elbow; but he said +that it was far from complete. All the giant-killers and the young men +who married the kings' daughters were in it, but the kings themselves +were often forgotten. + +"'A certain king had three daughters,'" said Miss Muffet; "that's all +that I know about him, but he ought to be invited. The postman will want +to know which 'Certain King' it is, and what he's king of." + +"The best way to do," said the spider, "would be to address a hundred +letters, each to 'A Certain King,' asking His Majesty to honor your +party with his presence, and to bring with him a 'Certain Queen.' Then +whenever the messenger comes across a king without any particular name +he can give him an invitation. If you want to be more definite, you may +address each letter to 'A Certain Kingdom.'" + +"But he has usually given away half of his kingdom." + +"That's true," said the spider; "you had better address it to 'The Other +Half.'" + +Miss Muffet was troubled about the persons who had only lately risen in +life. + +"There is Dumbling, who went out to chop wood, and the dwarf gave him a +golden goose that made everything stick to it. The king's daughter in +that certain kingdom had been so serious that the king had offered her +to any one who would make her laugh; and when she saw Dumbling with the +goose under his arm and the maids and the parson and all the rest +following after, she laughed outright. She didn't mean to, but she +couldn't help it. And now Dumbling is a prince, and is living happily +ever afterward. I wonder if that makes any difference in his feelings, +or if he likes to be called Dumbling." + +The spider said that it all depended on his wife. With such a serious +person as she had been one must be careful about etiquette. Because she +had laughed once was no sign that she would do it again. + +"Shall you invite any plain boys and girls who live in the Every Day +Country?" asked the spider. + +This was a hard question, for the Muffets were an old family who had +come across with Mother Goose, and at this moment Every Day Country +seemed a long way off and just a bit uninteresting. But then Miss Muffet +remembered how many kind friends she had found there, and answered,-- + +"Oh, certainly, we must send invitations to the Every Day Country, for +some of the folks there are just as good as the Dreamland people, only +of course they haven't had the same advantages." + +[Illustration: _Every town crier in England_] + +So letters were sent to Prudy and Dotty Dimple and the Bodley Family, +and to the Little Men and Little Women and Lord Fauntleroy and the rest. +A special letter was written to the little Ruggleses, and to Tiny Tim +and all the Cratchetts, for Miss Muffet knew that they were always ready +to have a good time on Christmas. A message was sent to every town crier +in England, asking him to make immediate proclamation in the streets +that if any small boy who was a Prince and a Pauper would make himself +known, he would hear something greatly to his advantage, for he was +invited to Miss Muffet's Party. + +The longest letter was that sent to Agamemnon Peterkin. Miss Muffet +wrote it very carefully, underscoring all the important parts, and +adding a map showing the way from the Peterkins' house to the palace. +She asked him to bring all the family, including the little boys. + +"I don't see how he can make a mistake," she said, "but he probably +will. They are all so ingenious. They find out how to make mistakes that +other folks would never think of." + +"What about Mr. Henty's boys?" said the spider; "there are so many of +them." + +"There seem to be a great many of them," said Miss Muffet, "but I've +sometimes thought that there may be only two, only they live in +different centuries and go to different wars. Boys can do that, can't +they, Mr. Spider, if they are very brave?" + +The spider said he thought they could without changing their characters, +but of course they would have to change their names. + +So an invitation was sent to Ronald Leslie, alias Wulf, Roger, Lionel, +Stanley, etc., On The Firing Line, Near Carthage, Quebec, Crécy, +Waterloo, Khartoum, or wherever the Enemy may be found in force. Forward +by a swift messenger, trusty and true. + +"I shouldn't wonder if they might be a little late, for they may be +taken prisoner, and it always takes them some time to escape." + +"Shall you invite any bad boys?" asked the spider. + +[Illustration: The blighted being.] + +"No," answered Miss Muffet severely, "not as a rule; but I think we +shall ask Mr. Aldrich's Bad Boy, for he is a blighted being. I think +it's our duty to have him,--and then it would be such fun. And I suppose +we ought to invite Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer to keep him company." + +"Of course you will invite all the good boys?" + +"Of course we shall invite them, as a rule. But the good boys in the +books are almost too good sometimes; don't you think so, Mr. Spider? I +mean almost too good to be true. But that reminds me; I suppose we +should invite Rollo?" + +"Yes," said the spider, "we certainly must invite Rollo; he's a worthy +lad, and of an inquiring mind." + +"Oh dear!" said Miss Muffet, tearing up the letter she had just written, +"he's so intelligent. I'll have to write very correctly or he'll +criticise the spelling; and then if I invite Rollo, I shall have to +invite Jonas, too." + +"Certainly," said the spider, "we must invite Jonas, and we must arrange +some moral amusement. Suppose in your invitation you leave out the word +'party' and ask him to attend a 'serious symposium.' How would this +do?--'Respected Sir, You are earnestly requested to attend a serious +symposium at Miss Muffet's, to meet the Rev. Swiss Robinson and other +persons interested in the education of youth. The Little Old Woman who +lived in a Shoe will preside. There will be a number of papers, to be +followed by a discussion.'" + +"How good that is! Jonas would so love a discussion," said Miss Muffet. + +"Shall we invite any giants?" + +"No; I don't want to be exclusive, but we must draw the line somewhere. +Let's draw it at giants." + +"Very well," said the spider, throwing into the waste-basket the letter +he had just addressed to His Majesty the King of the Brobdingnags. + +At last the invitations were all written, and the kind old spider said, +"Now lie down, my dear, on the tuffet and close your eyes, and I will +make all the preparations and wake you in time for the party." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter III] + + +Miss Muffet closed her eyes, and had already begun to dream of curds and +whey, when all at once she was awakened and found herself in a most +wonderful palace. The walls and floors were made of the sheerest, +filmiest spider's-web, woven into a thousand delicate patterns. A soft +light shone through the tapestries, and the dewdrops on the roof +sparkled like diamonds. The music that floated in through the open +windows was not so much a sound as a part of the atmosphere. She was not +sure whether she heard it or only breathed it in. Everything was so +shimmering and so dainty that Miss Muffet might have thought that she +was dreaming had it not been for the spider, who looked so comical in +his dress-suit that she laughed outright. The moment she laughed, Miss +Muffet knew that everything was real. + +[Illustration: _Miss Muffet closed her eyes_] + +[Illustration: _She could catch glimpses of travelers_] + +[Illustration: _Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind_] + +For a minute she did not dare to trust herself on the floor, but when +she took a step she had the most delightful experience of walking on +air. She went to one of the great windows. If the palace had been +wonderful, how much more wonderful was the view from it. Far as the eye +could reach were the shining paths of spider's-web, each one leading +over hill and dale to the palace door. Now the paths were on the ground, +now with bridges from grass blade to grass blade, sometimes from tree to +tree; and far off she could see them spanning deep valleys among the +hills. By and by she could catch glimpses of travelers on the road, some +in coaches, some on foot, some on horseback, coming by twos and dozens +and scores. + +"They're coming to the party," said the spider. + +[Illustration: _Alice with all the strange friends she had found in +Wonderland_] + +Sure enough, there was Cinderella in her coach with the Prince sitting +by her side, and Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind. And there was +Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland; and a +very queer set they were, for Wonderland is rather out of the world, and +the fashions of the Wonderlanders were peculiar, and not at all like +anything Miss Muffet had ever seen before. And then how they did act! It +was a great relief to see, after the March Hare and the Cheshire Cat and +the Duchess, who were skipping along in the most extraordinary manner, +Mr. Robinson Crusoe. "He looks so solid and respectable," said Miss +Muffet, "and so English, you know." + +"Come to the east window," said the spider. + +Miss Muffet went with him and looked out on a great level road +stretching toward the sunrise. Just where it seemed to touch the sky she +could see a grove of palm-trees, and she thought she could see, beyond, +the golden domes and minarets of a city. But she was not quite sure of +this, for it might have been the clouds. A faint perfume as of rare +spices floated to her as the wind sprang up. + +"This," said the spider, "is the main caravan road to Bagdad." A golden +dust seemed to rise in the distance among the palms. At last Miss Muffet +could see a caravan. + +"Take this glass," said the spider, handing her an opera-glass. Then +Miss Muffet could see very well. There were the Sultan and the Caliph +and the Grand Vizier, and the silk merchants and the calenders, and the +princesses of every degree,--all on camels most wonderful to behold. + +[Illustration: "_This is the main caravan road to Bagdad_"] + +"Do you see the Forty Thieves?" asked the spider uneasily. "If you do, +we'd better count the spoons." + +Then Miss Muffet went to the north window, and such a sight as she saw +there! There was frost on all the roads, and snow on the far mountains, +and the great pine forest on that side came almost to the palace doors. +And such pine-trees as they were! Each one looked like a great Christmas +tree. The woods were full of merry little people, with such frosty +twinkles in their eyes that it did one good to look at them. They talked +Swedish and German and Icelandic and all sorts of queer languages, but +somehow they laughed so naturally, and were so simple and hearty, that +Miss Muffet understood every word. There were hosts of brownies and +elves and fairies, and intelligent white bears, and one or two reformed +wolves, and an old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked, and +the Marsh King and his daughters, and an old gentleman who looked so +much like Santa Claus that Miss Muffet was sure that he must be his +brother. Indeed, she could not help noticing that a great many of these +North Country folks bore a strong family resemblance to Santa +Claus,--but perhaps it was only the way they wore their beards. When she +saw them all, she was sorry that she had not invited Santa Claus +himself. She hadn't asked him, because, as she told Mr. Spider, it was +Christmas Eve, and it might seem suggestive. But the truth of the matter +was, as I suspect, that she thought he would probably drop in of his own +accord, some time in the course of the evening. + +[Illustration: _Elves_] + +[Illustration: _The woods were full of merry little people_] + +[Illustration: _An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked_] + +As the brisk little people from the North came up the palace steps, Miss +Muffet was sure that Hans Christian Andersen must have had a party once, +or how could he have described them so well? "Indeed," she said, "if I +didn't know what day of the month and what year it is, I should almost +think that this is 'Once upon a Time.'" + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter IV] + + +When the guests began to come in, Miss Muffet was all in a flurry for +fear she should not do her duty as a hostess; but she needn't have +worried a bit, for they were so much interested in themselves that they +paid very little attention to her. Then she had the assistance of two +widely traveled storks, who, having their summer residences in Norway +and spending their winters in Bagdad, had a great number of +acquaintances, and introduced the Orientals to the North Country people. +It was delightful to see how quickly they all became acquainted. Little +Dutch Gretchen in her wooden shoes was not at all like the Persian +Princess whom she now met for the first time, but they were soon warm +friends though they had moved in such different society. At first Miss +Muffet was afraid that the wooden shoes might spoil the spider's-web +floor; but there was no real danger of this, for the spider, knowing +that there would be a very great crowd, had made everything very strong. + +[Illustration: _Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people_] + +There was a little man in a huge bearskin coat who came from Back of the +North Wind. At first he was shy and awkward, but it was beautiful to see +how soon he was put at ease when Aladdin came up and explained to him +the virtues of his wonderful lamp. The little man said that such a lamp +must be very useful, but when it came to illuminating power it was +nothing to what he had at home, for he had an Aurora Borealis in every +room. Then the little man chuckled to himself, for he wanted every one +to know that the Back of the North Wind Country was not so uncivilized +as people supposed. + +In a corner she found a delightful group of seafaring folks. Dr. Lemuel +Gulliver was telling the story of one of his voyages. He was such a +matter-of-fact person, and so accurate about the latitude and longitude, +that Miss Muffet had the greatest confidence in him, and felt that, +though he might be mistaken in regard to the main points, all the +details happened exactly as he said. His story reminded Sindbad the +Sailor of something that had happened to him. He told his story in a +charming oriental way, but without a touch of exaggeration. + +"That would have spoiled it," said Miss Muffet to Baron Munchausen, who +was standing by. "Don't you like simplicity, Baron?" + +The Baron bowed in a courtly, old-fashioned way, and said that he was +inordinately fond of it. Miss Muffet heard a rippling, liquid sound +which she at first mistook for laughter, but the Baron assured her that +it was only the frozen truth beginning to thaw. This reminded him of a +little incident which was wonderful to hear. Everybody was astonished +except the Three Wise Men of Gotham. They remarked that if they were at +liberty to tell their adventures, as seafaring men, the stories that had +been told would seem quite tame; but they didn't feel at liberty, and +only looked at each other so wisely that Miss Muffet wondered whether +any persons could really be as wise as they looked. + +[Illustration: _Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp_] + +A sturdy, round-faced man stood just behind the group, but took no part +in the conversation. Whenever Sindbad was talking he became so excited +that his eyes seemed almost to pop out of his head, but he quieted down +as soon as any one else began. After a time Sindbad came over to him, +and taking out his purse, gave him a handful of gold pieces. + +"A hundred sequins?" asked Miss Muffet. + +[Illustration: "_Listening . . . is hard on the eyes_"] + +"Yes," said the round-faced man, "that's my regular wages." + +"It must be a very large amount." + +He said he had no complaint to make, though a sequin didn't go so far in +Bagdad as it once did, and he had to spend a great deal in clothes. + +"I knew the minute I saw you that you must be Hindbad the Porter." + +"I used to be a porter before I became a professional listener. +Listening isn't so hard on the back as portering, but it requires more +attention and the hours are longer; that is, they seem longer. Besides, +it's hard on the eyes." + +"You mean on the ears," suggested Miss Muffet. + +"No! on the eyes; you have to look interested." + +"Oh! I understand," said Miss Muffet. "When first I heard about your +being invited to dinner at Sindbad's and listening to his first tale, it +seemed the very nicest thing in the world. And how unexpected it was, +after you had enjoyed it, for him to hand you a hundred sequins and say, +'Take this, Hindbad, and return to your home, and come back to-morrow +and hear more of my adventures.' Weren't you surprised to hear a story +and get a hundred sequins besides?" + +Hindbad said that he was surprised at first, but after a day or two he +began to look at it more in a business way. He had always made it a rule +to be thorough, for whatever was worth doing was worth doing well, and +he determined to be the very best listener in Bagdad. + +"You see, in my country, we have a great many gentlemen who gain wealth +by having adventures. When they come back from their shipwrecks, they +naturally want to tell about them; but there's so much competition that +it's hard to get a hearing. When they meet with people, like those +horrid Wise Men of Gotham, who prefer their own shipwrecks, they go into +a decline." + +His eyes filled with tears, and Miss Muffet was sure that he was one of +the most sympathetic men in the world. + +"Now I had a great advantage," he went on; "I never had a shipwreck of +my own, so that I could not be reminded of something that would make me +interrupt. And then it is easy for me to have a story seem strange. I +seem to have a natural gift for it. Any one can be surprised the first +time he hears an adventure, but if one is to become a professional +listener he must cultivate the habit of being surprised. Now that story +about the roc's egg grows upon me; indeed it does! I don't think I +appreciated it at first. That's the way with all big things; it's some +time before you take them in. Even Mr. Sindbad says that it didn't seem +as big when he saw it as it does now when he remembers it. And whenever +I hear about those huge serpents it makes me shudder, and I ask Mr. +Sindbad to hurry on and tell me that he really did get away from them. I +can't stand the suspense. The cannibals are frightful creatures, Miss +Muffet; they say they eat people. Mr. Sindbad has a perfect genius for +having accidents. They come in the most unexpected places. And then he +escapes. I sometimes think that is the most wonderful part of it." + +"Do you think a little girl who studied hard could learn your profession +and practice in Bagdad?" asked Miss Muffet timidly. "You know I wouldn't +ask for wages; I would do it just for the love of it." + +Hindbad frowned darkly. "It would never do, Miss Muffet! I can't have +little girls coming over on the banks of the Tigris and taking the bread +out of the mouths of my family." + +But when he saw that Miss Muffet was beginning to cry, he changed his +tone and said, "I am sure you meant no harm, only you didn't understand +about the wages. You could easily earn a hundred sequins at listening, +and it isn't so hard to learn when you are young. I would give that much +myself to have you listen to a queer thing that happened to me once in +Bagdad. I've never told it before, for I never found any one who looked +interested. It was in one of the narrowest streets down by the +water-side, and it was on the darkest night of the year, when"-- + +Just then the spider came to take Miss Muffet away to meet some children +who came from The Golden Age. Their names were Harold and Edward and +Charlotte, and they said they had an Aunt Maria, who had stayed at home +because she had not been invited to the party. They had walked all the +way along the Roman Road, which made the spider think that they must be +tired. In this he was mistaken; though they said that they were ready +for the refreshments. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter V] + + +The Golden Age children said that they didn't like to play with grown +folks; after people got to be thirty or ninety they thought they became +very uninteresting, and didn't have the right kind of feelings; unless +they were Princes and went on adventures. + +Miss Muffet didn't agree with this because some of her best friends were +elderly peasants whose faces were all puckered up because they had been +smiling for so many years. She wished, though, that they were not so +shy. + +[Illustration: _The shyest persons in the room_] + +"I suppose it's because they are not used to going to parties; neither +am I, for that matter, but then I'm not so much used as they are to +_not_ going." + +Perhaps the shyest persons in the room were an old German shoemaker and +his wife, whom Miss Muffet had for a long time loved and admired, though +they had not known it. Indeed, they didn't know that any one was ever +admired unless he had found a pot of gold or done something equally +praiseworthy. The shoemaker had never done anything but make shoes, and +his wife did the cooking and made the clothes for the family. When they +received the invitation to the party, they were greatly astonished and +thought it must be a mistake, but the village priest, who read the +letter, told them that it was certainly intended for them, though why +they were invited was a mystery. When the priest told them that it was a +mystery, they knew that it was so, and came along bowing and curtsying +as if all the persons they met were their betters, though really only +one or two were half so good. Miss Muffet ran to them and put her hands +in theirs. + +[Illustration: _Scampering off into the dark_] + +"I have just loved you since the time I heard what you did for the +little elves who used to come at night after you had gone to bed and +finish your work for you. Some people take what's done for them and +think no more about it except that they're lucky; but you sat up till +midnight and peeped into the room where the elves were working, and saw +that they didn't have enough clothes to keep them warm. Then you made +each one a shirt and a coat and waistcoat and a pair of trousers and a +little pair of shoes. What fun it must have been, next night, to watch +them putting on their things and scampering off into the dark. I never +heard of elves being dressed up like that." + +The shoemaker and his wife laughed heartily as they remembered how funny +the elves were. The wife confessed that the garments didn't fit closely, +though she made them like her husband's, only smaller. + +"Elves are not so square, are they?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"No," said the shoemaker's wife; "but their clothes are. That's the only +pattern I have." + +"I suppose they are coming to the party? I sent a general invitation to +Elf-land. There is to be elfin music and a frolic for them. I thought +they might like it better to have their own games. Your elves can't say +they have nothing to wear, because that wouldn't be true." + +But though she looked everywhere for them, nowhere could she see the +little elves in square coats and trousers. When the refreshments were +served, Mr. Spider noticed that everything went remarkably smoothly, and +there was more of all kinds of provisions than he had ordered. He said +he had no doubt but that the little elves were helping in the kitchen. + +"It would be just like them; the little dears!" said Miss Muffet. + +The shoemaker felt very much more at home when he met a young fellow +named Hans who had come from the same village. He was not the Hans who +married Grettel, but the one whom Miss Muffet had often heard of because +he traded a horse for a cow, the cow for a pig, the pig for a goose, and +so on, all the way home. This caused a good deal of talk in the +neighborhood, and some of the villagers thought he wasn't much of a +business man. + +Hans, however, was perfectly satisfied with himself, and was quite ready +to talk. + +"The secret of being a trader," he said, "is to be quick about it. You +must not stop to think: that's where you lose time. If I had stopped to +think, I should have brought the horse home with me, and I might have +had it on my hands yet. There are ever so many people grumbling about +the care of their property; they say it is a burden to them. I tell them +that it's all their own fault. If they kept their eyes open, they would +find plenty of ways of getting rid of it." + +Hans had such a shrewd twinkle in his eyes that Miss Muffet felt sure +that he would always get the best of a bargain, no matter how it turned +out. + +While Hans was talking, she noticed a little man who looked like a +tailor. + +"Didn't you start on a journey once," she asked, "with only a piece of +cheese and an old hen in your wallet?" + +"Yes," he answered; "but that was a good while ago." + +"I thought you must be the one. And you fooled the giant, and when he +squeezed a stone till water came out of it, you squeezed your cheese +till the whey ran out, and he thought your cheese was a stone, and that +you squeezed harder than he did. And he never saw through any of your +tricks, though I should have thought that even a giant would have +suspected. Are all giants so stupid?" + +The tailor said that not all of them were so stupid, though fortunately +a great many were, and generally when they grew beyond a certain size, +something happened to their heads. + +"If it weren't for that, Miss Muffet, there would be no room for us +common people on the earth. The giants would eat up everything. Now and +then there is a young giant like Thumbling who is active and keeps his +wits about him. But Thumbling was very little to begin with. Most giants +get foolish when they grow up, and then we can put an end to them." + +When the talk got upon giants, it was astonishing to see what an eager +crowd gathered around the tailor. There were some knights in armor who +listened unconcernedly, for they knew that giants could do them no harm; +but it was different with the tailors and fishermen and ploughmen. They +had suffered so much that they could not speak of a giant without +bitterness. + +"But aren't there good giants?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"I never heard of one," said the tailor, "except Christopher, and he is +a saint and learned how to fast. It isn't a question of their being +good: the trouble with them is that they are too big. It takes too much +to support them. They eat us out of house and home. We can't get along +peaceably till we are all more of a size." + +They were all of that opinion, and the stories which they applauded were +of the kind where a little man gets the better of a big one. Miss Muffet +could not object to this, because it was the kind she liked best +herself. + +"I never have been so much afraid of giants," she said, "since I learned +about their diseases. They are not nearly so strong as they look. There +was Giant Despair,--'in sunshiny weather he fell into fits.' It was +while he was having a fit, you know, that Christian and Hopeful got +away. If I were going where there were bad giants, I should go in +sunshiny weather." + +"I don't think you would have any trouble, my dear," said the shoemaker, +"for you would take the sunshine with you." + +And then he laughed to think of Giant Despair tumbling over in a fit +when he caught sight of Miss Muffet. For though the shoemaker was a very +kind man, he had no sympathy for giants. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VI] + + +There were so many interesting things going on at the party that Miss +Muffet almost forgot the Serious Symposium. When she did remember it, +she was very much troubled. + +"What will Rollo think about me for being so negligent! I invited him +particularly to come to a symposium, and now I don't even know how it is +done." + +[Illustration: "_I am sorry to be so late_"] + +The spider, however, told her that he had secured a hall up two flights, +and had arranged the chairs and a table, which were all the arrangements +necessary for a meeting. He had seen a number of serious persons going +upstairs, and he had no doubt that it was a success. + +When she reached the hall, the papers had all been read and discussed, +and the Little Old Woman, who was in the chair, was just announcing that +the next business before the house was to adjourn. + +"I am sorry to be so late," said Miss Muffet, "and to miss hearing the +papers." + +"If that's the case," said the Little Old Woman, "we will have them all +over again. The speakers will read slowly, so that the papers will go +further." + +"Oh, please don't on my account!" cried Miss Muffet, all in a tremble. +"Don't let me interfere with your adjourning. I know that must be +important business." + +The Little Old Woman said that it was the most important business of the +meeting. + +"Does it take long?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"Not if you know how to do it," said the Little Old Woman. + +"Then I will just sit down and watch it." + +The Little Old Woman rapped upon the table with a huge button-hook, and +went about the business so briskly that before Miss Muffet knew what had +happened, the meeting had adjourned. + +"Were the papers so quick?" she asked. + +"No, they weren't; papers are never that way." + +"What were they about?" + +"The white ones were about 'Child Study,' and the yellow ones were about +'Obedience to Parents' and 'Not Losing Your Thimble.' The yellow ones +were the ones I knew best; I used to have them when I was a little +girl." + +"Then the white ones must be harder. Is Child Study harder than +Arithmetic?" + +"There are two kinds. One kind is where you take the children you are +acquainted with and tell what you know about them. That kind isn't so +good to make papers out of. It's too short. The other kind is where you +get at 'the Contents of the Child's Mind.' I can't say that it's harder +than Arithmetic, for it is Arithmetic, only it's further on than you've +got. It's percentage. You take eleven hundred little girls in blue +dresses and make them fill out blanks. You ask them which they like +best, chocolate caramels or peppermint drops." + +"Which _do_ they like best?" asked Miss Muffet, who had often thought +about that question herself. + +"You can't tell," answered the Little Old Woman; "all you know is the +answers: they depend on which words the little girls can spell easiest. +The chief thing is to get the percentage. Then you write a paper. If it +doesn't come out right, you ask eleven hundred little girls in pink +dresses and they answer differently. Then you have a Problem." + +"What is a Problem?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"It's something to discuss," said the Little Old Woman. + +"Why don't they ask their mothers?" + +"The mothers are too busy. Besides, their children are all exceptions. +You can't make anything out of exceptions,--there are too many of them. +If you let them in, it just musses up the Science. The best way is to +keep them out." + +"But their mothers like them," said Miss Muffet. + +"Yes; they think that they are the nicest kind." + +When she had time to look around her, Miss Muffet was surprised to see +how different the company was from that in the other parts of the +palace. + +"They look as if something had been done to them," said Miss Muffet. +"Oh! now I know who they are! They must be Youths. I've always read +about Youths in the books mamma makes me read on Sunday afternoon, but I +didn't know that they were real. Some of them look almost like boys and +girls, only less so." + +Sure enough, the room was full of Youths. They came out of the +Sunday-school books and the Fifth Readers and the Moral Tales and the +Libraries of Instructive Juvenile Literature. Some had never been out of +a book before, and found it impossible to talk in anything but the book +language. Some were evidently very good, and some were painful examples +of youthful wickedness, while others were chiefly interested in Natural +History. + +"Youths," said the Little Old Woman, "are easier to understand than boys +and girls and other young folks. Youths have habits, and each one +practices only one at a time. When they do a naughty thing, they keep on +doing it regularly; that's the way you come to know which is which. It +doesn't matter what it is, whether Vanity or Procrastination or Not +Bringing in the Wood, they keep it up till they have been made to see +the folly of it, or are given over to their evil ways. Now children are +more changeable. When I lived in a Shoe, I was driven half out of my +wits, for I never could be thorough when I reproved them, they were +always naughty in a different way. I don't believe that any one could +have got any of my children into a book; they wouldn't keep still long +enough to have their characters taken." + +Almost all the Youths were accompanied by their parents or guardians, +though some had private tutors. Two youthful persons from the eighteenth +century attracted a great deal of attention. They were Harry Sandford +and Tommy Merton. Harry was a great philosopher, and understood so +perfectly the principles of the Wedge and the Inclined Plane and the +Moral Law that it was hard to believe his friend, Mr. Barlow, who stated +that he was only six years old. Tommy, on the other hand, until his +sixth year had been quite worldly, and had held a number of erroneous +opinions. Under Harry's instruction, however, he had been much improved +and was now quite sedate and observing. + +Somehow the painful examples appealed to Miss Muffet most, for she was +very tender-hearted. There was the little criminal who once stole a pin. +Miss Muffet had always understood that a pin was the very worst thing to +steal; it had such fearful consequences. The last consequence generally +is that one is transported. And there was an example of youthful +obstinacy who wouldn't pronounce the letter G. His mother was almost +broken-hearted for fear he might take a prejudice against other letters +of the alphabet. She sat up three nights with him and spent days trying +to make him say G. + +"It shows that she was a good mother, doesn't it?" said Miss Muffet. + +"It shows that she didn't have to do her own work," replied the Little +Old Woman. + +A group of very old-fashioned children were talking together in +whispers. They were evidently anxious that no older persons should hear +them. + +"There they are at it again," said the Little Old Woman; "they are Mrs. +Opie's children. People don't know them so well now, but they used to be +notorious for telling White Lies. I have no doubt that they are doing it +now; they are exaggerating." + +"What's that?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"It's telling how large a thing is before you've measured it." + +"But what if you haven't a tape-line with you?" + +"Then you should say nothing about it." + +"There is Hal," said Miss Muffet; "I know him by the miserable piece of +string hanging out of his pocket. Hal cut his string. It was a sin and +he suffers for it. His cousin Ben untied his and has it always ready for +emergencies. All his emergencies are of that kind; they need a piece of +whipcord to bring them out right. I've no doubt but that to-night the +coach of one of the very prettiest princesses will break down and Ben +will tie it up. It would be just his luck." + +Of course it was not long before Miss Muffet sought out Rollo Halliday. + +[Illustration: _Hal cut his string_] + +"I always did like Rollo," she said. "I almost forget that he is a Youth +sometimes. The nicest thing about him is that you always know what he +means. He always tells you where he is and how he got there, without +skipping anything that you ought to know. When he goes into a room, he +goes through the door, opening and shutting the door just as you +expected. He isn't at all like Humpty Dumpty. I don't think I ever knew +two persons more different. There was only one time when he puzzled me. +When he went to Europe, and they told him how the French did things, +'Rollo laughed long and loud.' It was so unusual. I read it over and +over, but I couldn't tell what he laughed at. I think he might have +explained, but I suppose he forgot." + +It certainly was a pleasant thing to see Rollo surrounded by a group of +kindred spirits. They were the healthiest and happiest Youths in the +company, for they had lived a great deal in the open air, and had kept +their eyes open. + +Rollo was engaged in a dispute with little Francis about the comparative +merits of New England and a Desert Island for farming. Jonas said +little, but what he did say carried great weight. + +Rollo expressed himself as highly pleased with the Symposium. He was +sorry that there was not time for a paper on "The New Boy" and a +discussion of the question, "Are not the Young Growing Younger?" He said +he had seen some dangerous tendencies in that direction. + +Having said this, Rollo walked to the other side of the room, and having +found a settee, sat down on it. + +Scarcely had Rollo sat down when Miss Muffet saw a little girl whose +face was very familiar. + +[Illustration: "_I don't think I ever knew two persons more different_"] + +"You are Rosamond, aren't you? And once you bought a beautiful purple +jar instead of shoes, even though your old shoes had holes in them?" + +"It was a youthful indiscretion," said Rosamond, "and I have learned a +lesson from it." + +"It was just lovely. Any one can have shoes, but a purple jar is +something one dreams about: it's almost as good as having a party." + +Then she looked very anxiously at Rosamond and said,-- + +"I hope it didn't happen to you? Since first I read the story Miss +Edgeworth told about you and the purple jar, I couldn't get out of my +head the dreadful lines with which she begins,-- + + 'O teach her while your lessons last + To judge the future by the past, + The mind to strengthen and anneal + While on the stithy glows the steel.' + +It seemed such a dreadful thing to have your mind annealed, and you so +little. I'm sure it's something uncomfortable. And then how hard it was +for your mamma to make you _choose_ to do all the unpleasant things. I +don't mind doing them when I'm told to, but to have to choose them +rumples up my mind. That must have been an awful time when you had to +choose a needle-book instead of that funny stone plum that you could +have fooled the boys with." + +"But Mamma wanted to train me to be a Free Moral Agent," said Rosamond. + +"I don't like agents," said Miss Muffet, and then she was sorry that she +had been so rude. "I mean I don't believe in being one till one is more +grown up. And now that we are talking about it, maybe you could tell me +what the other line means,-- + + 'While on the stithy glows the steel.'" + +[Illustration: "_You dear little Rosamond_"] + +"A stithy," said Rosamond, "is a kind of blacksmith shop." + +"Now I know what every word means," said Miss Muffet, "but what was it +all about?" + +"It was poetry." + +"I suppose that this evening you had to choose between the Symposium and +the rest of the party where they don't have papers? And you are glad you +chose the Symposium?" + +"No, I'm not," said Rosamond impulsively. + +"You dear little Rosamond!" cried Miss Muffet, throwing her arms about +her. "The annealing's come off. Now let's go where there's music." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VII] + + +As she returned from the Symposium, Miss Muffet was compelled to pass +through some of the more remote parts of the palace, and whom should she +see but the Caliph Haroun al Raschid, whom she recognized at once +because he was in full disguise. He had no sooner come to the party than +he had begun to poke around in search of adventures, as was his habit. +At length he found two little girls engaged in a violent quarrel over a +lamb. One was beating the other over the head with a crook, and accusing +her of theft. This was just what the Caliph was after, and summoning the +girls before him, he prepared to try the case. The younger girl, whose +name was Mary, testified that the lamb had followed her to school. The +elder girl, known as Bo-Peep, stated that on that same day she had lost +her whole flock of sheep. + +"This is a strange coincidence," said Haroun al Raschid: "one girl loses +her sheep and another has one in her possession. There is a great +mystery here that must be looked into. Appear before me to-morrow, +little girls, and tell me your stories." And then he added, with a +terrible frown and an expressive glance at the executioner,--"And be +sure, little girls, that your stories are interesting." + +Miss Muffet had hoped to have a long quiet talk with Haroun al Raschid +and to ask him ever so many questions. But when she saw the executioner +she changed her mind, and she felt, too, that the Caliph was more used +to asking questions than to answering them. + +It was a great relief, therefore, to see a Dervish sitting on the floor, +as if he had all the time in the world. He didn't seem in the least +afraid of Haroun al Raschid; for Dervishes are great people in their way +and have no need of being afraid of anybody. + +[Illustration: _One was beating the other_] + +"Good-evening, Mr. Dervish, may I sit down by you and have a little talk +about dervishry?" + +[Illustration: _A little talk about dervishry_] + +The Dervish said something she didn't quite understand about not talking +shop on social occasions. "However," he added, "I will be glad to tell +about my neighbors; that will be more polite." This suited Miss Muffet +just as well. + +"It's what I really want to hear about," she said. "Dervishry must be +very hard work when you do it well, but it gives you a chance to meet +all the interesting people. Let me see; you have a bowl, and you sit +under a palm-tree by a well, and then the Calendars and Cadis and Muftis +and Merchants and Mendicants and the ladies of Bagdad come and ask you +questions, and when they put things in your bowl you answer them?" + +The Dervish said that that would be against the rule. + +"Oh, I remember. You look wise and tell them to come again to-morrow. +The next day they come again, and you tell them which camel was blind in +one eye and where their lovers are. That is very wonderful." + +The Dervish said that was the easiest part of it. The hardest thing was +to look wiser than the Muftis. + +[Illustration: _An expressive glance at the executioner_] + +Very soon they were having a delightful talk about all the great +personages Miss Muffet had always admired at a distance, but the Dervish +had known them intimately and could tell all their weak points, which +were not in the books. Indeed, Miss Muffet was surprised to find how +many mistakes the books had in them, all because the persons who made +them hadn't taken the trouble to talk with the Dervish. Almost all the +numbers were wrong. + +"There weren't forty thieves, there were only thirty-nine. I counted +them myself." + +"But didn't everything else happen as I was told?" asked Miss Muffet; +"and didn't it come out as it is in the book?" + +The Dervish admitted this, but said that that wasn't the important part: +the important part was to count straight. + +A remarkable discovery was that all the famous people had brothers, and +the brothers were always the ones who ought to have been famous, but +every one forgot about them. + +"There is Aladdin, he's a greatly overrated man. I could tell you some +curious things I learned about him. I know they are true, for they were +told to me in confidence. People admire him because they think he is so +lucky. Now if it had been his brother! He came over from China and used +to sit by the day under my palm-tree talking about the chances he had +just missed. They were truly marvelous. He missed more chances than +Aladdin ever dreamed of, but nobody ever writes about him." + +"Perhaps they don't know about him," said Miss Muffet. + +"That's the injustice of it." + +"Speaking of brothers, did you ever find out why it is that the third +one is always the wisest? I asked one of the North Country princes about +it just now, and he bowed and said he thanked me for the compliment, but +he was no philosopher. It doesn't matter where it is, in the Red Fairy +Book or the Green Fairy Book or any color, the third is always the +charm, and it seems very much the same way in your country. The oldest +brother is always vain and selfish, and when he goes into the forest, +always does the very thing he was told not to. And the second brother is +selfish, and stupider, for he ought to know better when his brother +doesn't come back and there are so many witches around. Then it comes to +the third brother, and I never expect anything of him because he is so +little and his stepmother has kept him back, but he turns out splendid. +Did you ever meditate on that, Mr. Dervish?" + +The Dervish said that he had meditated on it for a great many years, and +had at last come to the conclusion that it was a law of nature. + +"I am so glad to know that," said Miss Muffet, "for it has always +troubled me." + +[Illustration: _Aladdin's brother and the Dervish_] + +The Dervish remarked that when one was troubled by that kind of +questions, it was always better to consult a wise man at once. It was +not safe to let the case run on. + +"There's another thing I should like to ask about. Since I first read of +the Three Royal Mendicants, I've always wondered what a Mendicant is. I +know he must be very proud and great, but what does he do? The +Mendicants are here this evening, but I don't like to ask them; it might +seem rude." + +Then the Dervish explained about the Mendicants, and seemed so familiar +with their way of life that Miss Muffet suspected that he might have +been one himself. He explained too about the Calendars. + +The time passed so rapidly that Miss Muffet would have talked with him +all the evening, had he not at last said that he feared he was +monopolizing the attention of his hostess; besides, it was about time +for him to do some more meditating. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VIII] + + +There was a surprise at the party that delighted many of the young +people. Old Mr. Esop passed through the hall, distributing handbills, +announcing that, at immense expense, he had brought from Greece his +unparalleled aggregation of Fables, which would now be open for +exhibition in a grand pavilion just outside the south door of the +palace. Out of compliment to Miss Muffet's party, admission to the +Fables would be free, though ten cents would be charged to those who +remained to the Morals,--which, I am sorry to say, very few did. Some of +the Fables were unusually terrifying, such as the Lions and the hungry +Wolves, and Miss Muffet was glad to see what strong bars there were to +their cages. But a number of the Fables, having been for a long time on +exhibition, had become quite tame, and walked about conversing so +amiably that the youngest children felt no apprehension. + +It was while Mr. Esop was engaged in attaching the Morals to the Fables +that Miss Muffet caught sight for the first time of Uncle Remus and the +Little Boy. Mr. Esop was pointing out the Hare asleep by the wayside +while the Tortoise was coming gayly down the home stretch, and he was +about to exhibit the Moral when Uncle Remus broke out with a hearty +laugh. + +"You don't fool dis chile, does you, honey? Brer Rabbit he sometime play +'possum, but he sleep wid one eye open; he not let hisself be beat by a +triflin' mud turtle. Jess when Brer Turtle thinks he's thar, Brer +Rabbit'll give a jump, an' Brer Turtle'll find he's jess in time to be +too late. Oh! I know Brer Rabbit's owdacious ways." But still the Hare +slept while the Tortoise came deliberately over the line. Then Uncle +Remus cried out with infinite scorn, "Come along, little boy; dat ain't +worth shucks; dat ain't Brer Rabbit, nohow. I 'low dat rabbit's +stuffed." + +"But, Uncle Remus," said Miss Muffet, "perhaps you will like the Fables +better when you get acquainted with them. I'm sure they have always +borne a good reputation. And now I should like to introduce you to Mr. +Esop; it's such a pleasure to bring together people of the same tastes. +Mr. Esop, allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Remus. I am sure that you +will feel a common interest in Zoölogy." + +Miss Muffet felt a little frightened at making such a formal speech, but +she knew that she was showing the quality called "tact," which is +something very useful in a hostess. To tell one's guests what they are +expected to talk about is often a great convenience to them. + +But Mr. Esop, the moment he heard the name, drew back with an air that +was quite chilling and businesslike. + +"Another of those early Romans out of a job! He has just discovered that +he is a Fable and is looking for a situation." Then turning to Uncle +Remus he said, "I'm very particular about my Fables, and I want +everything straight and plain so that parents may have no hesitation in +bringing their children. I don't like to mix up Myths with my Fables, +for the chances are that the Mythical Personage, instead of having a +Moral, may turn out to be only a Sign of the Zodiac. This is always +confusing to the Public. I suppose, Mr. Remus, that you have brought Mr. +Romulus with you. In the case of twins, I give no consideration, if I'm +offered only a broken lot. I must have the full set, Mr. Remus." + +[Illustration: "_I must have the full set_"] + +Uncle Remus's feelings would have been much hurt if he had not at that +moment caught sight of Mowgli accompanied by Baloo and Bagheera. Just +how it happened Miss Muffet could never find out, but before she had +time to introduce them they had become fast friends, and Uncle Remus +only chuckled when she asked him if she might have the pleasure of +making them acquainted. + +"Nebber you mind 'bout us, we mus' hab met befo'. I disremember whar, +but it mus' hab been somewhar down de big road." + +And the old man laughed at the thought that there ever was a time when +he didn't know Mowgli. + +At the mention of the big road Mowgli began to sing the "Road Song of +the Bandar-log." It was a very strange song, and not at all like those +that her music teacher taught her, but for all that Miss Muffet felt +that it was just the kind of a song she would sing if she were a +Bandar-log. + +Uncle Remus was in an ecstasy, and the Little Boy shouted for joy. Every +one praised it except Sandford and Merton, who said that it didn't give +any useful information except that monkeys had tails, a fact which was +already well known, being mentioned in all the Natural History books. +For their part, when it came to poetry they preferred some fine passages +in Dr. Young's "Night Thoughts." + +A great many boys and girls who were on their way to the pavilion had +remained outside listening to a pleasant gentleman who was telling them +anecdotes about the Wild Animals he had known. + +[Illustration: _Telling anecdotes_] + +This troubled Mr. Esop, who, though an excellent man, was inclined to be +jealous. Miss Muffet went out to remind the children of the Morals, but +in a little while she became as interested as the rest of them. + +"His way of talking is different from Mr. Esop's, but I am not sure but +he may be right. At any rate, I am glad to hear some one who speaks +respectfully about animals, and who doesn't say anything behind their +backs that he wouldn't say to their faces. He always remembers that they +are persons and have feelings. Then when they do things, he doesn't +blame them or call them bad names. That's one thing I don't like about +Mr. Esop. He isn't quite fair, and he is always accusing them of Folly." + +"It's remarkable how small the world is, after all," said the pleasant +gentleman, when more than a score of persons told him that the Wild +Animals he had known were among their most intimate acquaintances, and +that they had met them under a great many different circumstances. Then +followed a good deal of gossip about their family life and the way they +got their living. Miss Muffet was glad to hear that they were all so +kind to their children, but the way they got their living troubled her. +She remembered what the spider said, that "business is business," but +that didn't make it seem any more kind. + +"It's the Law of the Jungle," said Mowgli; and then he recited the law +word for word just as he had learned it. + +"Can't they change it?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"The Jungle people can't. It's too strong for them." + +From this the conversation drifted to hunting for sport. The pleasant +gentleman who knew so many animals personally didn't like it. The Boy +Hunters, who had spent a great deal of time in the woods, didn't agree +with him. They said that the proper way to become acquainted with +animals was to carry a gun. It showed that you entered into the spirit +of the thing. They fancied that it was good for wild animals to be +hunted; in fact, that was what kept them wild. + +Miss Muffet didn't think that was a very good reason, though it sounded +logical; and she asked several of the Animals what they thought about +it. + +[Illustration: "_It all depends on grammar_"] + +A Duck, a Dodo, a Lory, and an Eaglet, who had come with Alice from +Wonderland, were the nearest, and she asked them first, but they refused +to answer on the ground that they never had thoughts so late in the +evening. The Lory said that he had one at home, but he had forgotten to +bring it. + +"You can't make anything out of these Wonderland creatures," said Miss +Muffet. "I can't really feel that they are animals I have known, though +of course I know their names." + +When Bagheera was asked his opinion, he only growled that it was all in +the day's work. But wise old Baloo answered:-- + +"It all depends on grammar." + +This made every one look very solemn, for they realized now that it was +a serious matter. + +"First Person, Singular, I hunt. Second Person, Thou huntest. Third +Person, He or She hunts. So long as you confine it to the First Person, +it's proper and right. When you go beyond that, it's carrying it too +far. When you get to the Second Person, that's where the danger comes +in." + +This was such sound sense that they all agreed to it, though Mr. Wolf +declared that the First Person, Plural, seemed to him to be more +sociable. + +"Does it make any difference about the moods and tenses?" asked Miss +Muffet. + +"Passive--First Person, Singular, I am hunted." + +There was a general cry of horror. "What a dreadful point of view!" said +the Dodo; "it makes me shiver to think about it." + +Even the wildest animals agreed that it was atrocious. What was most +remarkable was that the Boy Hunters, who had been on the Orinoco and the +Congo and all the most dangerous places, admitted that they had the same +feelings. + +"There's a limit beyond which hunting is not true sport. It should not +be allowed to go as far as the First Person, Singular, in the Passive." + +"I'm so glad that you agree about it," said Miss Muffet. "I knew you +would when you came to understand one another. That's the great good of +being at parties; it makes us feel that we are all more alike than we +thought." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter IX] + + +When Miss Muffet began to be a little tired, Mr. Spider asked her to +take a stroll with him into the open air. So he led her through a low +archway which brought them at last into the Child's Garden of Verses. + +"We had to make the entrance quite small," he said apologetically, "to +keep out the big boys. They run over everything, and we should have to +put up those horrid signs,'Keep off the Verses.'" + +[Illustration: _Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_] + +"I am so glad that you have brought me into the garden where I can see +the verses growing. Mamma told me that people make verses just as they +make the flowers on her bonnet. But I like the kind that grow, don't +you, Mr. Spider?" + +Mr. Spider said that he was no judge of poetry, but he was inclined to +be of her opinion; which made Miss Muffet very happy, for she had not +been used to having people agree with her,--at least before she had a +party. + +It was very pleasant in the garden, for the noisier children had not +found it out. It was surprising how many things were in it. There was a +little river with golden sand; and the tiniest mountain, which looked as +high as the sky when you got the right point of view; and there were +ships and pirates and a beautiful cow. When you looked in the right +direction, you could see the big world stretching away much further than +the eye could reach. + +[Illustration: _He was a little prudent_] + +[Illustration: _The Rockaby Lady saying good-night_] + +Miss Muffet watched a wide-eyed little boy who was wandering about and +having such an adventurous time as never was. Everything was so great +and strange, yet he wasn't a bit afraid, only now and then when he +turned a corner he was a little prudent, as any traveler would be who +had come to the end of the world and was not sure that the next step +might not take him off the edge. But it never did, for no matter how far +he went, there was always a next step for him, as if the good Scotch +gardener who had laid out the paths had known that such a great traveler +was coming. As she left the garden she heard him singing to himself his +glad little song,-- + + "The world is so full of a number of things, + I think we should all be as happy as Kings." + +The idea of the little song was exactly the same that Miss Muffet had +had in her head for a long time, though she hadn't been able to express +it so well. Even after she came back to the company, she kept repeating +the words to herself. + +"I think the nicest part about being happy," she confided to the spider, +"is that it keeps you from being lonesome, and it makes you like such a +number of things." + +"And such a number of people," added Mr. Spider. + +"Yes; all the different kinds. It's not because they are so very pretty. +You like the queer ones too, and you are glad that the world's full of +them. There's Rumpelstiltzkin, he's not at all like anybody else, and +his features aren't regular, but I'm glad he came to the party. He's so +interesting." + +Mr. Spider was sure that if he could get every one to feel that way, it +would make life easier for the members of his own family. He agreed that +the way to keep people from being cruel was to make them happy in their +own minds. + +[Illustration: _Flew away . . . into the night_] + +"And it's such an easy way," said Miss Muffet, "I wonder that nobody has +thought of it before." + +[Illustration: _Into his overcoat pocket_] + +[Illustration: _Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance_] + +There is not time to tell of all that happened at the party. As to +refreshments, the Old Woman who lived on victuals and drink declared +that victuals and drink were nothing to the good things which Miss +Muffet had provided. Before the evening was over the Pied Piper played +so merrily that even Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance. The +Twelve Dancing Princesses said that it was the first time that they had +been able to dance as much as they liked. Before this they had had to +stop when they danced the soles off their shoes; but this evening the +spider had thoughtfully provided each one with several pairs. + +And how did it end? All of a sudden, lights out, cobweb broken, and Miss +Muffet left alone with her curds and whey? Not at all. It ended as all +good parties end. The Rockaby Lady from Hushaby Street suggested that it +was getting late. Then one by one the guests came to Little Miss Muffet +and told her what a good time they had had, and how glad they were that +Christmas comes once every year. Wynken, Blynken, and Nod sailed away in +a wooden shoe. They were such dear little fellows that Miss Muffet was +sorry that she hadn't noticed them till they came to say good-by. Mr. +Esop put out the lights in his pavilion; and the Arabians mounted their +camels and rode slowly toward Bagdad, first making the Sultana promise +to tell them a story that would last through the whole Arabian Night. +The Wonderlanders put on their queer bonnets and coats, all carefully +wrong side out; and the Man Friday hoisted his umbrella to keep the dew +off Robinson Crusoe; and Doctor Gulliver put all the Lilliputians he +could catch into his overcoat pocket; and Mother Goose flew away with +all her family into the night. The little people from the North were the +last to get away, for it took them a long time to get on their overshoes +and fur coats and mufflers, but at last they too had gone. + +[Illustration: _A long time to get on their overshoes_] + +[Illustration: _Closed her eyes_] + +"I see by the moonlight that it's almost midnight," said the spider. +"It's time for little girls to go to sleep." + +Little Miss Muffet closed her eyes very tightly indeed, but she didn't +close her ears, so she heard the first tinkle of sleigh-bells far away, +and she knew that Santa Claus was coming. + +[Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Miss Muffet's Christmas Party, by +Samuel McChord Crothers + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + +***** This file should be named 31997-8.txt or 31997-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/9/9/31997/ + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Crothers. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + text-indent: 1.25em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + img {border: 0;} + .tnote {border: dashed 1px; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em;} + ins {text-decoration:none; border-bottom: thin dotted gray;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + .copyright {text-align: center; font-size: 70%;} + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: justify;} + + .bbox {border: solid 2px; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em;} + table.time {width: 600px; text-align: center; background-image: + url("images/i003.png"); background-repeat: no-repeat;} + .textleft { margin-right: 30%; text-align: justify;} + + .textright { margin-left: 60%; text-align: justify;} + + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold; font-style: italic} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .unindent {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + .right {text-align: right;} + .poem {margin-left: 30%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: left;} + .sig {margin-right: 10%; text-align: right;} + .hang1 {text-indent: -3em; margin-left: 3em;} + + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +Project Gutenberg's Miss Muffet's Christmas Party, by Samuel McChord Crothers + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miss Muffet's Christmas Party + +Author: Samuel McChord Crothers + +Illustrator: Olive M. Long + +Release Date: April 15, 2010 [EBook #31997] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 313px;"> +<img src="images/cover2.jpg" width="313" height="469" alt="Cover" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 347px;"> +<img src="images/endpaper.png" width="347" height="500" alt="Fairy in a web" title="" /> +</div> + + + +<div class='bbox'> +<h3>By Samuel M. Crothers</h3> + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Books by Crothers"> +<tr><td align='left'>MEDITATIONS ON VOTES FOR WOMEN.</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>HUMANLY SPEAKING.</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>AMONG FRIENDS.</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>BY THE CHRISTMAS FIRE.</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE PARDONER'S WALLET.</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE ENDLESS LIFE.</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE GENTLE READER.</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='hang1'>OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES: THE AUTOCRAT<br />AND HIS FELLOW BOARDERS. With Portrait.</div></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY. Illustrated.</td></tr> +</table></div> + + +<div class='center'><br /> +HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY<br /> +<span class="smcap">Boston and New York</span><br /> +</div></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_i" id="Page_i">[i]</a></span></p> +<h2>MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY</h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 324px;"> +<img src="images/frontis.png" width="324" height="500" alt="A visitor came (page 4)" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A visitor came (<a href="#Page_4">page 4</a>)</span> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ii" id="Page_ii">[ii]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/titlepage.png" width="400" height="600" alt="Title Page" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iii" id="Page_iii">[iii]</a></span></p> + + + + +<div class='copyright'> +COPYRIGHT 1902 BY SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS<br /> +ALL RIGHTS RESERVED<br /> +<br /> +<i>Published November, 1902</i><br /> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iv" id="Page_iv">[iv]</a></span></p> + + + + +<div class='center'> +<big>TO MARGERY</big><br /> +BECAUSE, AMONG OTHER THINGS,<br /> +WE LIKE THE SAME PEOPLE<br /> +</div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 12px;"> +<img src="images/leaf.png" width="12" height="18" alt="Leaf" title="" /> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[v]</a></span></p> + +<h2>LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS</h2> + + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Contents"> +<tr><td align='left'> </td><td align='right'><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>A visitor came</i> (<i><a href="#Page_4">page 4</a></i>)</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_i">Frontispiece</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_2">2</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>To meditate on the passage of time</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_3">3</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_4">4</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Fairly jumped off her tuffet</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_6">6</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_8">8</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>They sat down</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_9">9</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Every town crier in England</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_13">13</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>The blighted being</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_15">15</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_18">18</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Miss Muffet closed her eyes</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_19">19</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>She could catch glimpses of travelers</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#glimpses">20</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_21">21</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#alice">23</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"<i>This is the main caravan road to Bagdad</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_25">25</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Elves</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_28">28</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>The woods were full of merry little people</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_29">29</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_31">31</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_32">32</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_33">33</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_37">37</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"<i>Listening . . . is hard on the eyes</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_39">39</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_44">44</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[vi]</a></span><i>The shyest persons in the room</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_45">45</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Scampering off into the dark</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_47">47</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_54">54</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"<i>I am sorry to be so late</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_55">55</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Hal cut his string</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_63">63</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"<i>I don't think I ever knew two persons more different</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_65">65</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"<i>You dear little Rosamond</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_67">67</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_69">69</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>One was beating the other</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_71">71</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>A little talk about dervishry</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_73">73</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>An expressive glance at the executioner</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_75">75</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Aladdin's brother and the Dervish</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_79">79</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_82">82</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"<i>I must have the full set</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_85">85</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Telling anecdotes</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_87">87</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"<i>It all depends on grammar</i>"</td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_89">89</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Chapter Heading</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_92">92</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Wynken, Blynken, and Nod</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_93">93</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>He was a little prudent</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#prudent">96</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>The Rockaby Lady saying good-night</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_97">97</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Flew away . . . into the night</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_100">100</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Into his overcoat pocket</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_101">101</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_103">103</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>A long time to get on their overshoes</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_105">105</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Closed her eyes</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_106">106</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><i>Tail Piece</i></td><td align='right'><a href="#Page_107">107</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/i001.png" width="300" height="219" alt="Chapter I" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 132px;"> +<img src="images/i002.png" width="132" height="200" alt="Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book</span> +</div> + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">'Twas</span> the night before Christmas, and it was +very quiet in Mrs. Muffet's house,—altogether too +quiet, thought little Miss Muffet, as she sat trying +to eat her curds and whey. For Mrs. Muffet was +a very severe mother and had her own ideas about +bringing up children,—and so had Mr. Muffet, +or rather he had the same ideas, only warmed +over. One of these was on the necessity of care in +the diet of growing children. "First," said Mrs. +Muffet, "we must find out what the children don't +like, and then we must make them eat plenty of it; +next to breaking their wills, there is nothing so +necessary as breaking their appetites." Mrs. Muffet +had read this in a book, and so she knew it must be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> +true; and Mr. Muffet had heard Mrs. Muffet say +it so many times that he knew it +was true.</div> + + +<p>So every morning little Miss +Muffet had three courses: first, +curds and whey; second, +whey and curds; third, +curdled whey. She had +the same things for the +other meals, but the order +was changed about. +An experienced housekeeper +tells me that the +third course is impossible +to prepare, as whey cannot +be curdled. All I have to say is that this +housekeeper had not known Mrs. Muffet. Mrs. +Muffet could curdle anything. But the worst days +of the year for little Miss Muffet were the holidays, +for they were occasions that had to be improved. +Now for a little girl to improve an occasion is +about the hardest work she can do, especially when +she doesn't know how. If she had been left to +herself, Miss Muffet wouldn't have improved them +at all, but would have left them in their natural +state.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='center'> <table class="time" summary="time"> +<tr><td align='left'><div class='textleft'><br /><br /> + +<p>"Christmas," said Mrs. Muffet +in her most economical tone, +"comes but once a year, so we +must make it go as far as possible. +The best way for a child +to do that is to sit and meditate. +You've no idea how long a holiday +seems till you sit still and +think about it. Count sixty, that +will be just one +minute, and another, +and another, +and then +another—sixty +times one, and +then sixty times +that, and then twenty-four times that makes—well—it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> +makes—the exact number doesn't matter +much," said Mrs. Muffet, who wasn't quick +at mental arithmetic, "but you'll see that there +are quite a considerable number of seconds in +Christmas Day—quite +enough for any growing +child." So at Christmas +time Mrs. Muffet would go +out to visit the neighbors, +leaving the little girl seated +on a very uncomfortable +tuffet, to meditate on the +passage of time.</p></div><br /> +<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> +<div class='textright'><p>Perhaps some of you +would like to know what a +tuffet is. I have thought +of that myself, and have +taken the trouble to ask several +learned persons. They +assure me that the most complete and satisfactory +definition is,—a tuffet is the kind of thing that +Miss Muffet sat on. With this explanation I shall +go on with my story. As she sat on her tuffet +counting up the seconds of Christmas Eve, and had +already reached the sum of two thousand one hundred +and seven, a strange thing happened. A visitor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> +came and sat down beside her. You guess +who he was? Yes—an elderly, benevolent spider. +He was short-sighted and wore green spectacles, +and had evidently a little rheumatism in his +legs, but as he had eight of them, he managed to +get along very well.</p></div> + +</td> +</tr></table></div> + + + + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 114px;"> +<img src="images/i004.png" width="114" height="200" alt="The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on" title="" /> +<span class="caption">The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on</span> +</div> + + + +<p>Now the way you may have heard the story is +that when the kind old spider sat down beside her, +it frightened Miss Muffet away. That story must +be true because I myself have seen it in print, +but it happened at another time, when Miss Muffet +was very little indeed.</p> + +<p>On the Christmas Eve I am telling about, she +had become a very sensible little girl, and knew all +about spiders, so instead of running away, she +made room for him on the tuffet and said, "I am +very glad to see you, Mr. Spider." Mr. Spider +bowed and looked at her in a kindly way through +his spectacles, but said nothing.</p> + +<p>"I hope your family are all well; I mean the +family Arachnida, sub-order, I forget the name. +We've enjoyed dissecting those we could get; and +you deserve a great deal of credit for the curious +way in which you are put together, with your +funny thorax and everything."</p> + +<p>"Let's change the subject, Miss," said the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span> +spider, moving toward the further side of the tuffet. +"This is Christmas Eve."</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 274px;"> +<img src="images/i005.png" width="274" height="350" alt="Fairly jumped off her tuffet" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Fairly jumped off her tuffet</span> +</div> + +<p>"Yes," answered Miss Muffet wearily. "Sixty +seconds make a minute; sixty minutes make an +hour. Even Christmas Eve will come to an end +some time; but what's the good? For then Christmas +will come, and that will <i>never</i> get through."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + +<p>"What do you say to a party?"</p> + +<p>Miss Muffet fairly jumped off her tuffet, for she +had never had a party in her life. "Who will +invite the people?"</p> + +<p>"I will," said the spider.</p> + +<p>"But do you think any one will come if <i>you</i> +invite them?"</p> + +<p>"Why not?"</p> + +<p>"Oh! I was just thinking; some people are such +'fraid-cats; and then, you know, once, one of your +family invited the fly to walk into his parlor. I +don't believe the story one bit, but then, you know, +Mr. Spider, it caused talk."</p> + +<p>Mr. Spider positively blushed green. "If you +have no objection, let's change the subject again. +Business is business; as for flies, there is a difference +of opinion about them, and we can't all live on +curds and whey, Miss Muffet. But this is to be +your party, and we should not invite flies but folks. +How would you like to have a literary party, and +invite all the people you've read about?"</p> + +<p>"How delightful!" cried Miss Muffet gleefully. +"What a dear old spider you are!"</p> + +<p>"Let's write the invitations immediately," said +Mr. Spider, taking out of his pocket a ream of the +most delicate cobweb paper.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/i006.png" width="300" height="205" alt="Chapter II" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">They</span> sat down with their heads very close together, +and such a number of letters you never +saw as Miss Muffet and the spider wrote. Some +of them were very informal, like those beginning +"Dear Little Bo-Peep" and "Dear Red Riding-Hood." +They said, "Won't you come to a party +at my house? We're going to have games." +Others were very formal like that addressed to</div> + +<div class='poem'> +The Reverend Swiss Robinson and Family,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 7em;">Tent House,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 9em;">Desert Island,</span><br /> +</div> + +<div class='unindent'>stating that "Miss Muffet requests the pleasure of +your company," etc. Then there were letters<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> +addressed to Wonderland and Back of the North +Wind, and to Lilliput and the Land where the Jumblies +Live, and to all sorts of places which are to +be found only on the best maps, and are not in the +school geographies at all.</div> + +<p>Mr. Spider was very careful and businesslike, +and insisted that Miss Muffet should always put +down the exact address, for it would never do to +have any of the letters go to the dead-letter office. +Sometimes, however, they were puzzled to find the +right direction.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px;"> +<img src="images/i007.png" width="250" height="162" alt="They sat down" title="" /> +<span class="caption">They sat down</span> +</div> + +<p>"Shall I address this letter to Norwich or the +Moon?" asked Miss Muffet, handing him an +envelope.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Ah!" said the spider, "this is a difficult case; +it's hard to reach these traveling men. Here is +a gentleman residing in the Moon, who suddenly +sets out for Norwich without leaving his address. +Better direct the letter to 'Norwich, General Delivery,' +and write in the upper left hand corner, 'If +not called for in five minutes, forward to the Moon.'"</p> + +<p>"And I suppose that Gloucester is Dr. Foster's +address? That is where I last heard of him."</p> + +<p>"No; I'm afraid we shall have to give the +doctor up. He is a very peculiar man and took a +prejudice against the town, and vowed he would +never go that way again."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes, I remember," said Miss Muffet; "it +was because he didn't like the way they kept the +roads."</p> + +<p>It was a difficult matter to get the correct titles +for all the princes and princesses of Fairyland, and +to learn the names of all the crowned heads. Of +course, where their names were in the Court Directory +it was easy enough, for the spider had a huge +volume at his elbow; but he said that it was far +from complete. All the giant-killers and the young +men who married the kings' daughters were in it, +but the kings themselves were often forgotten.</p> + +<p>"'A certain king had three daughters,'" said<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> +Miss Muffet; "that's all that I know about him, +but he ought to be invited. The postman will +want to know which 'Certain King' it is, and what +he's king of."</p> + +<p>"The best way to do," said the spider, "would +be to address a hundred letters, each to 'A Certain +King,' asking His Majesty to honor your party with +his presence, and to bring with him a 'Certain +Queen.' Then whenever the messenger comes across +a king without any particular name he can give him +an invitation. If you want to be more definite, you +may address each letter to 'A Certain Kingdom.'"</p> + +<p>"But he has usually given away half of his +kingdom."</p> + +<p>"That's true," said the spider; "you had better +address it to 'The Other Half.'"</p> + +<p>Miss Muffet was troubled about the persons who +had only lately risen in life.</p> + +<p>"There is Dumbling, who went out to chop wood, +and the dwarf gave him a golden goose that made +everything stick to it. The king's daughter in +that certain kingdom had been so serious that the +king had offered her to any one who would make +her laugh; and when she saw Dumbling with the +goose under his arm and the maids and the parson +and all the rest following after, she laughed outright.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> +She didn't mean to, but she couldn't help +it. And now Dumbling is a prince, and is living +happily ever afterward. I wonder if that makes +any difference in his feelings, or if he likes to be +called Dumbling."</p> + +<p>The spider said that it all depended on his wife. +With such a serious person as she had been one +must be careful about etiquette. Because she had +laughed once was no sign that she would do it +again.</p> + +<p>"Shall you invite any plain boys and girls who +live in the Every Day Country?" asked the +spider.</p> + +<p>This was a hard question, for the Muffets were +an old family who had come across with Mother +Goose, and at this moment Every Day Country +seemed a long way off and just a bit uninteresting. +But then Miss Muffet remembered how many kind +friends she had found there, and answered,—</p> + +<p>"Oh, certainly, we must send invitations to the +Every Day Country, for some of the folks there +are just as good as the Dreamland people, only of +course they haven't had the same advantages."</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 203px;"> +<img src="images/i008.png" width="203" height="250" alt="Every town crier in England" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Every town crier in England</span> +</div> + +<p>So letters were sent to Prudy and Dotty Dimple +and the Bodley Family, and to the Little Men and +Little Women and Lord Fauntleroy and the rest.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> +A special letter was written to the little Ruggleses, +and to Tiny Tim and all the Cratchetts, for Miss +Muffet knew that they were always ready to have +a good time on Christmas. A message was sent to +every town crier in England, asking him to make +immediate proclamation in the streets that if any +small boy who was a Prince and a Pauper would +make himself known, he would hear something<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span> +greatly to his advantage, for he was invited to Miss +Muffet's Party.</p> + +<p>The longest letter was that sent to Agamemnon +Peterkin. Miss Muffet wrote it very carefully, +underscoring all the important parts, and adding +a map showing the way from the Peterkins' house +to the palace. She asked him to bring all the +family, including the little boys.</p> + +<p>"I don't see how he can make a mistake," she +said, "but he probably will. They are all so ingenious. +They find out how to make mistakes +that other folks would never think of."</p> + +<p>"What about Mr. Henty's boys?" said the +spider; "there are so many of them."</p> + +<p>"There seem to be a great many of them," said +Miss Muffet, "but I've sometimes thought that +there may be only two, only they live in different +centuries and go to different wars. Boys can +do that, can't they, Mr. Spider, if they are very +brave?"</p> + +<p>The spider said he thought they could without +changing their characters, but of course they would +have to change their names.</p> + +<p>So an invitation was sent to Ronald Leslie, +alias Wulf, Roger, Lionel, Stanley, etc., On The +Firing Line, Near Carthage, Quebec, Crécy, Waterloo,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> +Khartoum, or wherever the Enemy may be +found in force. +Forward by a +swift messenger, +trusty and true.</p> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 243px;"> +<img src="images/i009.png" width="243" height="500" alt="The blighted being." title="" /> + +</div> +<p>"I shouldn't +wonder if they +might be a little +late, for they may +be taken prisoner, +and it always +takes them +some time to escape."</p> + +<p>"Shall you invite +any bad +boys?" asked +the spider.</p> + + + +<p>"No," answered +Miss +Muffet severely, +"not as a rule; +but I think we +shall ask Mr. +Aldrich's Bad Boy, for he is a blighted being. I +think it's our duty to have him,—and then it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> +would be such fun. And I suppose we ought to +invite Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer to keep +him company."</p> + +<p>"Of course you will invite all the good boys?"</p> + +<p>"Of course we shall invite them, as a rule. But +the good boys in the books are almost too good +sometimes; don't you think so, Mr. Spider? I +mean almost too good to be true. But that reminds +me; I suppose we should invite Rollo?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said the spider, "we certainly must invite +Rollo; he's a worthy lad, and of an inquiring +mind."</p> + +<p>"Oh dear!" said Miss Muffet, tearing up the +letter she had just written, "he's so intelligent. +I'll have to write very correctly or he'll criticise +the spelling; and then if I invite Rollo, I shall +have to invite Jonas, too."</p> + +<p>"Certainly," said the spider, "we must invite +Jonas, and we must arrange some moral amusement. +Suppose in your invitation you leave out +the word 'party' and ask him to attend a 'serious +symposium.' How would this do?—'Respected +Sir, You are earnestly requested to attend a serious +symposium at Miss Muffet's, to meet the Rev. Swiss +Robinson and other persons interested in the education +of youth. The Little Old Woman who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> +lived in a Shoe will preside. There will be a +number of papers, to be followed by a discussion.'"</p> + +<p>"How good that is! Jonas would so love a discussion," +said Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"Shall we invite any giants?"</p> + +<p>"No; I don't want to be exclusive, but we +must draw the line somewhere. Let's draw it at +giants."</p> + +<p>"Very well," said the spider, throwing into the +waste-basket the letter he had just addressed to +His Majesty the King of the Brobdingnags.</p> + +<p>At last the invitations were all written, and the +kind old spider said, "Now lie down, my dear, on +the tuffet and close your eyes, and I will make all +the preparations and wake you in time for the +party."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/i010.png" width="300" height="327" alt="Chapter III" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/i011.png" width="300" height="138" alt="Miss Muffet closed her eyes" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Miss Muffet closed her eyes</span> +</div> +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">Miss Muffet</span> closed her eyes, and had already +begun to dream of curds and whey, when all at +once she was awakened and found herself in a most +wonderful palace. The walls and floors were made +of the sheerest, filmiest spider's-web, woven into a +thousand delicate patterns. A soft light shone +through the tapestries, and the dewdrops on the +roof sparkled like diamonds. The music that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> +floated in through the open windows was not so +much a sound as a part of the atmosphere. She +was not sure whether she heard it or only breathed +it in. Everything was so shimmering and so +dainty that Miss Muffet might have thought that +she was dreaming had it not been for the spider, +who looked so comical in his dress-suit that she +laughed outright. The moment she laughed, Miss +Muffet knew that everything was real.</div> + + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"><a name="glimpses" id="glimpses"></a> +<img src="images/i012.png" width="300" height="348" alt="She could catch glimpses of travelers" title="" /> +<span class="caption">She could catch glimpses of travelers</span> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 340px;"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21"></a> +<img src="images/i013.png" width="340" height="500" alt="Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind</span> +</div> + +<p>For a minute she did not dare to trust herself +on the floor, but when she took a step she had the +most delightful experience of walking on air. She +went to one of the great windows. If the palace +had been wonderful, how much more wonderful +was the view from it. Far as the eye could reach +were the shining paths of spider's-web, each one<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> +leading over hill and dale to the palace door. Now +the paths were on the ground, now with bridges +from grass blade to grass blade, sometimes from +tree to tree; and far off she could see them spanning +deep valleys among the hills. By and by +she could catch glimpses of travelers on the road,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> +some in coaches, some on foot, some on horseback, +coming by twos and dozens and scores.</p> + +<p>"They're coming to the party," said the spider.</p> + + +<p>Sure enough, there was Cinderella in her coach +with the Prince sitting by her side, and Tom Sawyer +trying to "hitch on" behind. And there was +Alice with all the strange friends she had found in +Wonderland; and a very queer set they were, for +Wonderland is rather out of the world, and the +fashions of the Wonderlanders were peculiar, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> +not at all like anything Miss Muffet had ever +seen before. And then how they did act! It was a +great relief to see, after the March Hare and the +Cheshire Cat and the Duchess, who were skipping +along in the most extraordinary manner, Mr. Robinson +Crusoe. "He looks so solid and respectable," +said Miss Muffet, "and so English, you know."</p> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px;"><a name="alice" id="alice"></a> +<img src="images/i014.png" width="300" height="249" alt="Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland</span> +</div> + +<p>"Come to the east window," said the spider.</p> + +<p>Miss Muffet went with him and looked out on +a great level road stretching toward the sunrise. +Just where it seemed to touch the sky she could +see a grove of palm-trees, and she thought she +could see, beyond, the golden domes and minarets +of a city. But she was not quite sure of this, for +it might have been the clouds. A faint perfume as +of rare spices floated to her as the wind sprang up.</p> + +<p>"This," said the spider, "is the main caravan +road to Bagdad." A golden dust seemed to rise +in the distance among the palms. At last Miss +Muffet could see a caravan.</p> + +<p>"Take this glass," said the spider, handing her +an opera-glass. Then Miss Muffet could see very +well. There were the Sultan and the Caliph and +the Grand Vizier, and the silk merchants and the +calenders, and the princesses of every degree,—all +on camels most wonderful to behold.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 261px;"> +<img src="images/i015.png" width="261" height="500" alt=""This is the main caravan road to Bagdad"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"This is the main caravan road to Bagdad"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Do you see the Forty Thieves?" asked the +spider uneasily. "If you do, we'd better count +the spoons."</p> + +<p>Then Miss Muffet went to the north window, +and such a sight as she saw there! There was +frost on all the roads, and snow on the far mountains, +and the great pine forest on that side came +almost to the palace doors. And such pine-trees +as they were! Each one looked like a great +Christmas tree. The woods were full of merry +little people, with such frosty twinkles in their +eyes that it did one good to look at them. They +talked Swedish and German and Icelandic and +all sorts of queer languages, but somehow they +laughed so naturally, and were so simple and +hearty, that Miss Muffet understood every word. +There were hosts of brownies and elves and +fairies, and intelligent white bears, and one or two +reformed wolves, and an old witch who was not +nearly so bad as she looked, and the Marsh King +and his daughters, and an old gentleman who +looked so much like Santa Claus that Miss Muffet +was sure that he must be his brother. Indeed, she +could not help noticing that a great many of these +North Country folks bore a strong family resemblance +to Santa Claus,—but perhaps it was only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> +the way they wore +their beards. +When she saw +them all, she was +sorry that she +had not invited +Santa Claus himself. +She hadn't +asked him, because, +as she told Mr. Spider, it was Christmas Eve, +and it might seem suggestive. But the truth of the +matter was, as I suspect, that she thought he would +probably drop in of his own accord, some time in the +course of the evening.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i016.png" width="400" height="469" alt="Elves" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Elves</span> +</div> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span></p> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 339px;"> +<img src="images/i017.png" width="339" height="500" alt="The woods were full of merry little people" title="" /> +<span class="caption">The woods were full of merry little people</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span></p> + +<p>As the brisk little people from the North came +up the palace steps, Miss Muffet was sure that +Hans Christian Andersen must have had a party +once, or how could he have described them so +well? "Indeed," she said, "if I didn't know +what day of the month and what year it is, I +should almost think that this is 'Once upon a +Time.'"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 259px;"> +<img src="images/i018.png" width="259" height="300" alt="An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked" title="" /> +<span class="caption">An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked</span> +</div> + + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i019.png" width="400" height="354" alt="Chapter IV" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">When</span> the guests began to come in, Miss Muffet +was all in a flurry for fear she should not do her +duty as a hostess; but she needn't have worried a +bit, for they were so much interested in themselves +that they paid very little attention to her. Then +she had the assistance of two widely traveled +storks, who, having their summer residences in +Norway and spending their winters in Bagdad, had +a great number of acquaintances, and introduced +the Orientals to the North Country people. It was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> +delightful to see how quickly they all became +acquainted. Little Dutch Gretchen in her wooden +shoes was not at all like the Persian Princess whom +she now met for the first time, but they were soon +warm friends though they had moved in such +different society. At first Miss Muffet was afraid +that the wooden shoes might spoil the spider's-web +floor; but there was no real danger of this, for the +spider, knowing that there would be a very great +crowd, had made everything very strong.</div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 343px;"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33"></a> +<img src="images/i020.png" width="343" height="500" alt="Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people</span> +</div> + +<p>There was a little man in a huge bearskin coat +who came from Back of the North Wind. At +first he was shy and awkward, but it was beautiful +to see how soon he was put at ease when +Aladdin came up and explained to him the virtues +of his wonderful lamp. The little man said that +such a lamp must be very useful, but when it +came to illuminating power it was nothing to what +he had at home, for he had an Aurora Borealis +in every room. Then the little man chuckled to +himself, for he wanted every one to know that +the Back of the North Wind Country was not so +uncivilized as people supposed.</p> + +<p>In a corner she found a delightful group of +seafaring folks. Dr. Lemuel Gulliver was telling +the story of one of his voyages. He was such a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> +matter-of-fact person, and so accurate about the +latitude and longitude, that Miss Muffet had the +greatest confidence in him, and felt that, though +he might be mistaken in regard to the main points, +all the details happened exactly as he said. His +story reminded Sindbad the Sailor of something +that had happened to him. He told his story in +a charming oriental way, but without a touch of +exaggeration.</p> + +<p>"That would have spoiled it," said Miss Muffet +to Baron Munchausen, who was standing by. +"Don't you like simplicity, Baron?"</p> + +<p>The Baron bowed in a courtly, old-fashioned +way, and said that he was inordinately fond of it. +Miss Muffet heard a rippling, liquid sound which +she at first mistook for laughter, but the Baron +assured her that it was only the frozen truth beginning +to thaw. This reminded him of a little +incident which was wonderful to hear. Everybody +was astonished except the Three Wise Men +of Gotham. They remarked that if they were at +liberty to tell their adventures, as seafaring men, +the stories that had been told would seem quite +tame; but they didn't feel at liberty, and only +looked at each other so wisely that Miss Muffet +wondered whether any persons could really be as +wise as they looked.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 346px;"> +<img src="images/i021.png" width="346" height="500" alt="Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> +<div class="figright" style="width: 184px;"> +<img src="images/i022.png" width="184" height="250" alt=""Listening . . . is hard on the eyes"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"Listening . . . is hard on the eyes"</span> +</div> + +<p>A sturdy, round-faced man stood just behind +the group, but took no part in the conversation. +Whenever Sindbad was talking he became so excited +that his eyes +seemed almost to +pop out of his +head, but he quieted +down as soon +as any one else +began. After a +time Sindbad +came over to him, +and taking out +his purse, gave +him a handful of +gold pieces.</p> + +<p>"A hundred +sequins?" asked +Miss Muffet.</p> + + +<p>"Yes," said the round-faced man, "that's my +regular wages."</p> + +<p>"It must be a very large amount."</p> + +<p>He said he had no complaint to make, though a +sequin didn't go so far in Bagdad as it once did, +and he had to spend a great deal in clothes.</p> + +<p>"I knew the minute I saw you that you must be +Hindbad the Porter."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I used to be a porter before I became a professional +listener. Listening isn't so hard on the +back as portering, but it requires more attention +and the hours are longer; that is, they seem longer. +Besides, it's hard on the eyes."</p> + +<p>"You mean on the ears," suggested Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"No! on the eyes; you have to look interested."</p> + +<p>"Oh! I understand," said Miss Muffet. "When +first I heard about your being invited to dinner at +Sindbad's and listening to his first tale, it seemed +the very nicest thing in the world. And how unexpected +it was, after you had enjoyed it, for him +to hand you a hundred sequins and say, 'Take +this, Hindbad, and return to your home, and come +back to-morrow and hear more of my adventures.' +Weren't you surprised to hear a story and get a +hundred sequins besides?"</p> + +<p>Hindbad said that he was surprised at first, but +after a day or two he began to look at it more in +a business way. He had always made it a rule to +be thorough, for whatever was worth doing was +worth doing well, and he determined to be the +very best listener in Bagdad.</p> + +<p>"You see, in my country, we have a great many +gentlemen who gain wealth by having adventures.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> +When they come back from their shipwrecks, they +naturally want to tell about them; but there's so +much competition that it's hard to get a hearing. +When they meet with people, like those horrid +Wise Men of Gotham, who prefer their own shipwrecks, +they go into a decline."</p> + +<p>His eyes filled with tears, and Miss Muffet was +sure that he was one of the most sympathetic men +in the world.</p> + +<p>"Now I had a great advantage," he went on; +"I never had a shipwreck of my own, so that I +could not be reminded of something that would +make me interrupt. And then it is easy for me +to have a story seem strange. I seem to have a +natural gift for it. Any one can be surprised the +first time he hears an adventure, but if one is to +become a professional listener he must cultivate the +habit of being surprised. Now that story about +the roc's egg grows upon me; indeed it does! I +don't think I appreciated it at first. That's the +way with all big things; it's some time before you +take them in. Even Mr. Sindbad says that it +didn't seem as big when he saw it as it does now +when he remembers it. And whenever I hear +about those huge serpents it makes me shudder, and +I ask Mr. Sindbad to hurry on and tell me that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> +he really did get away from them. I can't stand +the suspense. The cannibals are frightful creatures, +Miss Muffet; they say they eat people. Mr. +Sindbad has a perfect genius for having accidents. +They come in the most unexpected places. +And then he escapes. I sometimes think that is +the most wonderful part of it."</p> + +<p>"Do you think a little girl who studied hard +could learn your profession and practice in Bagdad?" +asked Miss Muffet timidly. "You know I +wouldn't ask for wages; I would do it just for the +love of it."</p> + +<p>Hindbad frowned darkly. "It would never do, +Miss Muffet! I can't have little girls coming over +on the banks of the Tigris and taking the bread +out of the mouths of my family."</p> + +<p>But when he saw that Miss Muffet was beginning +to cry, he changed his tone and said, "I am sure +you meant no harm, only you didn't understand +about the wages. You could easily earn a hundred +sequins at listening, and it isn't so hard to learn +when you are young. I would give that much +myself to have you listen to a queer thing that +happened to me once in Bagdad. I've never told +it before, for I never found any one who looked +interested. It was in one of the narrowest streets<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> +down by the water-side, and it was on the darkest +night of the year, when"—</p> + +<p>Just then the spider came to take Miss Muffet +away to meet some children who came from The +Golden Age. Their names were Harold and Edward +and Charlotte, and they said they had an +Aunt Maria, who had stayed at home because she +had not been invited to the party. They had +walked all the way along the Roman Road, which +made the spider think that they must be tired. In +this he was mistaken; though they said that they +were ready for the refreshments.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;"> +<img src="images/i023.png" width="350" height="356" alt="Chapter V" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">The</span> Golden Age children said that they didn't +like to play with grown folks; after people got to +be thirty or ninety they thought they became very +uninteresting, and didn't have the right kind of +feelings; unless they were Princes and went on +adventures.</div> + +<p>Miss Muffet didn't agree with this because some +of her best friends were elderly peasants whose +faces were all puckered up because they had been<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> +smiling for so many years. She wished, though, +that they were not so shy.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 327px;"> +<img src="images/i024.png" width="327" height="450" alt="The shyest persons in the room" title="" /> +<span class="caption">The shyest persons in the room</span> +</div> + +<p>"I suppose it's because they are not used to +going to parties; neither am I, for that matter, but +then I'm not so much used as they are to <i>not</i> going."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span></p> + +<p>Perhaps the shyest persons in the room were an +old German shoemaker and his wife, whom Miss +Muffet had for a long time loved and admired, +though they had not known it. Indeed, they didn't +know that any one was ever admired unless he had +found a pot of gold or done something equally praiseworthy. +The shoemaker had never done anything +but make shoes, and his wife did the cooking +and made the clothes for the family. When +they received the invitation to the party, they were +greatly astonished and thought it must be a mistake, +but the village priest, who read the letter, +told them that it was certainly intended for them, +though why they were invited was a mystery. +When the priest told them that it was a mystery, +they knew that it was so, and came along bowing +and curtsying as if all the persons they met were +their betters, though really only one or two were +half so good. Miss Muffet ran to them and put her +hands in theirs.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 348px;"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47"></a> +<img src="images/i025.png" width="348" height="500" alt="Scampering off into the dark" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Scampering off into the dark</span> +</div> + +<p>"I have just loved you since the time I heard +what you did for the little elves who used to come +at night after you had gone to bed and finish your +work for you. Some people take what's done for +them and think no more about it except that they're +lucky; but you sat up till midnight and peeped<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> +into the room where the elves were working, and +saw that they didn't have enough clothes to keep +them warm. Then you made each one a shirt and +a coat and waistcoat and a pair of trousers and +a little pair of shoes. What fun it must have been, +next night, to watch them putting on their things +and scampering off into the dark. I never heard of +elves being dressed up like that."</p> + +<p>The shoemaker and his wife laughed heartily as +they remembered how funny the elves were. The +wife confessed that the garments didn't fit closely, +though she made them like her husband's, only +smaller.</p> + +<p>"Elves are not so square, are they?" asked +Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"No," said the shoemaker's wife; "but their +clothes are. That's the only pattern I have."</p> + +<p>"I suppose they are coming to the party? I +sent a general invitation to Elf-land. There is to +be elfin music and a frolic for them. I thought +they might like it better to have their own games. +Your elves can't say they have nothing to wear, +because that wouldn't be true."</p> + +<p>But though she looked everywhere for them, nowhere +could she see the little elves in square coats +and trousers. When the refreshments were served,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span> +Mr. Spider noticed that everything went remarkably +smoothly, and there was more of all kinds of +provisions than he had ordered. He said he had +no doubt but that the little elves were helping in +the kitchen.</p> + +<p>"It would be just like them; the little dears!" +said Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>The shoemaker felt very much more at home +when he met a young fellow named Hans who had +come from the same village. He was not the Hans +who married Grettel, but the one whom Miss Muffet +had often heard of because he traded a horse +for a cow, the cow for a pig, the pig for a goose, +and so on, all the way home. This caused a good +deal of talk in the neighborhood, and some of the +villagers thought he wasn't much of a business +man.</p> + +<p>Hans, however, was perfectly satisfied with himself, +and was quite ready to talk.</p> + +<p>"The secret of being a trader," he said, "is to +be quick about it. You must not stop to think: +that's where you lose time. If I had stopped to +think, I should have brought the horse home with +me, and I might have had it on my hands yet. +There are ever so many people grumbling about +the care of their property; they say it is a burden<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span> +to them. I tell them that it's all their own fault. +If they kept their eyes open, they would find plenty +of ways of getting rid of it."</p> + +<p>Hans had such a shrewd twinkle in his eyes that +Miss Muffet felt sure that he would always get the +best of a bargain, no matter how it turned out.</p> + +<p>While Hans was talking, she noticed a little man +who looked like a tailor.</p> + +<p>"Didn't you start on a journey once," she asked, +"with only a piece of cheese and an old hen in +your wallet?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," he answered; "but that was a good +while ago."</p> + +<p>"I thought you must be the one. And you +fooled the giant, and when he squeezed a stone till +water came out of it, you squeezed your cheese till +the whey ran out, and he thought your cheese was +a stone, and that you squeezed harder than he did. +And he never saw through any of your tricks, +though I should have thought that even a giant +would have suspected. Are all giants so stupid?"</p> + +<p>The tailor said that not all of them were so +stupid, though fortunately a great many were, and +generally when they grew beyond a certain size, +something happened to their heads.</p> + +<p>"If it weren't for that, Miss Muffet, there would<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> +be no room for us common people on the earth. +The giants would eat up everything. Now and +then there is a young giant like Thumbling who is +active and keeps his wits about him. But Thumbling +was very little to begin with. Most giants +get foolish when they grow up, and then we can +put an end to them."</p> + +<p>When the talk got upon giants, it was astonishing +to see what an eager crowd gathered around +the tailor. There were some knights in armor +who listened unconcernedly, for they knew that +giants could do them no harm; but it was different +with the tailors and fishermen and ploughmen. +They had suffered so much that they could not +speak of a giant without bitterness.</p> + +<p>"But aren't there good giants?" asked Miss +Muffet.</p> + +<p>"I never heard of one," said the tailor, "except +Christopher, and he is a saint and learned how to +fast. It isn't a question of their being good: the +trouble with them is that they are too big. It +takes too much to support them. They eat us out +of house and home. We can't get along peaceably +till we are all more of a size."</p> + +<p>They were all of that opinion, and the stories +which they applauded were of the kind where a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> +little man gets the better of a big one. Miss Muffet +could not object to this, because it was the kind +she liked best herself.</p> + +<p>"I never have been so much afraid of giants," +she said, "since I learned about their diseases. +They are not nearly so strong as they look. There +was Giant Despair,—'in sunshiny weather he fell +into fits.' It was while he was having a fit, you +know, that Christian and Hopeful got away. If I +were going where there were bad giants, I should +go in sunshiny weather."</p> + +<p>"I don't think you would have any trouble, my +dear," said the shoemaker, "for you would take +the sunshine with you."</p> + +<p>And then he laughed to think of Giant Despair +tumbling over in a fit when he caught sight of +Miss Muffet. For though the shoemaker was a +very kind man, he had no sympathy for giants.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;"> +<img src="images/i026.png" width="350" height="299" alt="Chapter VI" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">There</span> were so many interesting things going +on at the party that Miss Muffet almost forgot the +Serious Symposium. When she did remember it, +she was very much troubled.</div> + +<p>"What will Rollo think about me for being so +negligent! I invited him particularly to come +to a symposium, and now I don't even know how +it is done."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 419px;"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55"></a> +<img src="images/i027.png" width="419" height="500" alt=""I am sorry to be so late"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"I am sorry to be so late"</span> +</div> + +<p>The spider, however, told her that he had secured +a hall up two flights, and had arranged the chairs +and a table, which were all the arrangements necessary<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> +for a meeting. He had seen a number of +serious persons going upstairs, and he had no doubt +that it was a success.</p> + +<p>When she reached the hall, the papers had all +been read and discussed, and the Little Old Woman, +who was in the chair, was just announcing +that the next business before the house was to +adjourn.</p> + +<p>"I am sorry to be so late," said Miss Muffet, +"and to miss hearing the papers."</p> + +<p>"If that's the case," said the Little Old Woman, +"we will have them all over again. The speakers +will read slowly, so that the papers will go +further."</p> + +<p>"Oh, please don't on my account!" cried Miss +Muffet, all in a tremble. "Don't let me interfere +with your adjourning. I know that must be important +business."</p> + +<p>The Little Old Woman said that it was the most +important business of the meeting.</p> + +<p>"Does it take long?" asked Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"Not if you know how to do it," said the Little +Old Woman.</p> + +<p>"Then I will just sit down and watch it."</p> + +<p>The Little Old Woman rapped upon the table +with a huge button-hook, and went about the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span> +business so briskly that before Miss Muffet knew +what had happened, the meeting had adjourned.</p> + +<p>"Were the papers so quick?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"No, they weren't; papers are never that way."</p> + +<p>"What were they about?"</p> + +<p>"The white ones were about 'Child Study,' and +the yellow ones were about 'Obedience to Parents' +and 'Not Losing Your Thimble.' The yellow ones +were the ones I knew best; I used to have them +when I was a little girl."</p> + +<p>"Then the white ones must be harder. Is Child +Study harder than Arithmetic?"</p> + +<p>"There are two kinds. One kind is where you +take the children you are acquainted with and tell +what you know about them. That kind isn't so +good to make papers out of. It's too short. The +other kind is where you get at 'the Contents of the +Child's Mind.' I can't say that it's harder than +Arithmetic, for it is Arithmetic, only it's further +on than you've got. It's percentage. You take +eleven hundred little girls in blue dresses and make +them fill out blanks. You ask them which they +like best, chocolate caramels or peppermint drops."</p> + +<p>"Which <i>do</i> they like best?" asked Miss Muffet, +who had often thought about that question herself.</p> + +<p>"You can't tell," answered the Little Old Woman;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> +"all you know is the answers: they depend +on which words the little girls can spell easiest. +The chief thing is to get the percentage. Then +you write a paper. If it doesn't come out right, +you ask eleven hundred little girls in pink dresses +and they answer differently. Then you have a +Problem."</p> + +<p>"What is a Problem?" asked Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"It's something to discuss," said the Little Old +Woman.</p> + +<p>"Why don't they ask their mothers?"</p> + +<p>"The mothers are too busy. Besides, their children +are all exceptions. You can't make anything +out of exceptions,—there are too many of them. +If you let them in, it just musses up the Science. +The best way is to keep them out."</p> + +<p>"But their mothers like them," said Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"Yes; they think that they are the nicest kind."</p> + +<p>When she had time to look around her, Miss +Muffet was surprised to see how different the company +was from that in the other parts of the palace.</p> + +<p>"They look as if something had been done to +them," said Miss Muffet. "Oh! now I know who +they are! They must be Youths. I've always +read about Youths in the books mamma makes me +read on Sunday afternoon, but I didn't know that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> +they were real. Some of them look almost like +boys and girls, only less so."</p> + +<p>Sure enough, the room was full of Youths. They +came out of the Sunday-school books and the Fifth +Readers and the Moral Tales and the Libraries of +Instructive Juvenile Literature. Some had never +been out of a book before, and found it impossible +to talk in anything but the book language. Some +were evidently very good, and some were painful +examples of youthful wickedness, while others were +chiefly interested in Natural History.</p> + +<p>"Youths," said the Little Old Woman, "are +easier to understand than boys and girls and other +young folks. Youths have habits, and each one +practices only one at a time. When they do a +naughty thing, they keep on doing it regularly; +that's the way you come to know which is which. +It doesn't matter what it is, whether Vanity or Procrastination +or Not Bringing in the Wood, they +keep it up till they have been made to see the folly +of it, or are given over to their evil ways. Now +children are more changeable. When I lived in a +Shoe, I was driven half out of my wits, for I never +could be thorough when I reproved them, they +were always naughty in a different way. I don't +believe that any one could have got any of my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span> +children into a book; they wouldn't keep still long +enough to have their characters taken."</p> + +<p>Almost all the Youths were accompanied by their +parents or guardians, though some had private tutors. +Two youthful persons from the eighteenth +century attracted a great deal of attention. They +were Harry Sandford and Tommy Merton. Harry +was a great philosopher, and understood so perfectly +the principles of the Wedge and the Inclined Plane +and the Moral Law that it was hard to believe his +friend, Mr. Barlow, who stated that he was only six +years old. Tommy, on the other hand, until his +sixth year had been quite worldly, and had held a +number of erroneous opinions. Under Harry's +instruction, however, he had been much improved +and was now quite sedate and observing.</p> + +<p>Somehow the painful examples appealed to Miss +Muffet most, for she was very tender-hearted. +There was the little criminal who once stole a pin. +Miss Muffet had always understood that a pin was +the very worst thing to steal; it had such fearful +consequences. The last consequence generally is +that one is transported. And there was an example +of youthful obstinacy who wouldn't pronounce the +letter G. His mother was almost broken-hearted +for fear he might take a prejudice against other<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> +letters of the alphabet. She sat up three nights +with him and spent days trying to make him +say G.</p> + +<p>"It shows that she was a good mother, doesn't +it?" said Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"It shows that she didn't have to do her own +work," replied the Little Old Woman.</p> + +<p>A group of very old-fashioned children were +talking together in whispers. They were evidently +anxious that no older persons should hear them.</p> + +<p>"There they are at it again," said the Little Old +Woman; "they are Mrs. Opie's children. People +don't know them so well now, but they used to be +notorious for telling White Lies. I have no doubt +that they are doing it now; they are exaggerating."</p> + +<p>"What's that?" asked Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"It's telling how large a thing is before you've +measured it."</p> + +<p>"But what if you haven't a tape-line with +you?"</p> + +<p>"Then you should say nothing about it."</p> + +<p>"There is Hal," said Miss Muffet; "I know him +by the miserable piece of string hanging out of his +pocket. Hal cut his string. It was a sin and he +suffers for it. His cousin Ben untied his and has<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span> +it always ready for emergencies. All his emergencies +are of that kind; they need a piece of whipcord +to bring them out right. I've no doubt but that +to-night the coach of one of the very prettiest princesses +will break down and Ben will tie it up. It +would be just his luck."</p> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 165px;"> +<img src="images/i028.png" width="165" height="350" alt="Hal cut his string" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Hal cut his string</span> +</div> +<p>Of course it was not +long before Miss Muffet +sought out Rollo Halliday.</p> + + + +<p>"I always did like +Rollo," she said. "I almost +forget that he is a +Youth sometimes. The +nicest thing about him is +that you always know +what he means. He always +tells you where he is +and how he got there, +without skipping anything +that you ought to +know. When he goes +into a room, he goes +through the door, opening +and shutting the door just as you expected. He +isn't at all like Humpty Dumpty. I don't think<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> +I ever knew two persons more different. There +was only one time when he puzzled me. When he +went to Europe, and they told him how the French +did things, 'Rollo laughed long and loud.' It was +so unusual. I read it over and over, but I couldn't +tell what he laughed at. I think he might have +explained, but I suppose he forgot."</p> + +<p>It certainly was a pleasant thing to see Rollo +surrounded by a group of kindred spirits. They +were the healthiest and happiest Youths in the company, +for they had lived a great deal in the open +air, and had kept their eyes open.</p> + +<p>Rollo was engaged in a dispute with little Francis +about the comparative merits of New England +and a Desert Island for farming. Jonas said little, +but what he did say carried great weight.</p> + +<p>Rollo expressed himself as highly pleased with +the Symposium. He was sorry that there was not +time for a paper on "The New Boy" and a discussion +of the question, "Are not the Young Growing +Younger?" He said he had seen some dangerous +tendencies in that direction.</p> +<div class="figleft" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/i029.png" width="300" height="312" alt=""I don't think I ever knew two persons more different"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"I don't think I ever knew two persons more different"</span> +</div> + +<p>Having said this, Rollo walked to the other side of +the room, and having found a settee, sat down on it.</p> + +<p>Scarcely had Rollo sat down when Miss Muffet +saw a little girl whose face was very familiar.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p> + + +<p>"You are Rosamond, aren't you? And once +you bought a beautiful purple jar instead of shoes, +even though your old shoes had holes in them?"</p> + +<p>"It was a youthful indiscretion," said Rosamond, +"and I have learned a lesson from it."</p> + +<p>"It was just lovely. Any one can have shoes, +but a purple jar is something one dreams about: +it's almost as good as having a party."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span></p> + +<p>Then she looked very anxiously at Rosamond +and said,—</p> + +<p>"I hope it didn't happen to you? Since first +I read the story Miss Edgeworth told about you +and the purple jar, I couldn't get out of my head +the dreadful lines with which she begins,—</p> + +<div class='poem'> +'O teach her while your lessons last<br /> +To judge the future by the past,<br /> +The mind to strengthen and anneal<br /> +While on the stithy glows the steel.'<br /> +</div> + +<p>It seemed such a dreadful thing to have your mind +annealed, and you so little. I'm sure it's something +uncomfortable. And then how hard it was +for your mamma to make you <i>choose</i> to do all the +unpleasant things. I don't mind doing them when +I'm told to, but to have to choose them rumples +up my mind. That must have been an awful +time when you had to choose a needle-book instead +of that funny stone plum that you could have +fooled the boys with."</p> + +<p>"But Mamma wanted to train me to be a Free +Moral Agent," said Rosamond.</p> + +<p>"I don't like agents," said Miss Muffet, and +then she was sorry that she had been so rude. "I +mean I don't believe in being one till one is more +grown up. And now that we are talking about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> +it, maybe you could tell me what the other line +means,—</p> + +<div class='center'> +'While on the stithy glows the steel.'"<br /> +</div> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 264px;"> +<img src="images/i030.png" width="264" height="350" alt=""You dear little Rosamond"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"You dear little Rosamond"</span> +</div> + +<p>"A stithy," said Rosamond, "is a kind of blacksmith +shop."</p> + +<p>"Now I know what every word means," said +Miss Muffet, "but what was it all about?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It was poetry."</p> + +<p>"I suppose that this evening you had to choose +between the Symposium and the rest of the party +where they don't have papers? And you are +glad you chose the Symposium?"</p> + +<p>"No, I'm not," said Rosamond impulsively.</p> + +<p>"You dear little Rosamond!" cried Miss Muffet, +throwing her arms about her. "The annealing's +come off. Now let's go where there's music."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/i031.png" width="300" height="280" alt="Chapter VII" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">As</span> she returned from the Symposium, Miss Muffet +was compelled to pass through some of the more +remote parts of the palace, and whom should she +see but the Caliph Haroun al Raschid, whom +she recognized at once because he was in full disguise. +He had no sooner come to the party than +he had begun to poke around in search of adventures, +as was his habit. At length he found two +little girls engaged in a violent quarrel over a lamb. +One was beating the other over the head with a +crook, and accusing her of theft. This was just<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span> +what the Caliph was after, and summoning the girls +before him, he prepared to try the case. The +younger girl, whose name was Mary, testified that +the lamb had followed her to school. The elder +girl, known as Bo-Peep, stated that on that same +day she had lost her whole flock of sheep.</div> + +<p>"This is a strange coincidence," said Haroun al +Raschid: "one girl loses her sheep and another has +one in her possession. There is a great mystery +here that must be looked into. Appear before me +to-morrow, little girls, and tell me your stories." +And then he added, with a terrible frown and an +expressive glance at the executioner,—"And be +sure, little girls, that your stories are interesting."</p> + +<p>Miss Muffet had hoped to have a long quiet talk +with Haroun al Raschid and to ask him ever so +many questions. But when she saw the executioner +she changed her mind, and she felt, too, that +the Caliph was more used to asking questions than +to answering them.</p> + +<p>It was a great relief, therefore, to see a Dervish +sitting on the floor, as if he had all the time in +the world. He didn't seem in the least afraid +of Haroun al Raschid; for Dervishes are great +people in their way and have no need of being +afraid of anybody.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 364px;"> +<img src="images/i032.png" width="364" height="500" alt="One was beating the other" title="" /> +<span class="caption">One was beating the other</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Good-evening, Mr. Dervish, may I sit down by +you and have a little talk about dervishry?"</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 325px;"> +<img src="images/i033.png" width="325" height="325" alt="A little talk about dervishry" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A little talk about dervishry</span> +</div> + +<p>The Dervish said something she didn't quite +understand about not talking shop on social occasions. +"However," he added, "I will be glad to +tell about my neighbors; that will be more polite." +This suited Miss Muffet just as well.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It's what I really want to hear about," she +said. "Dervishry must be very hard work when +you do it well, but it gives you a chance to meet +all the interesting people. Let me see; you have +a bowl, and you sit under a palm-tree by a well, +and then the Calendars and Cadis and Muftis and +Merchants and Mendicants and the ladies of Bagdad +come and ask you questions, and when they +put things in your bowl you answer them?"</p> + +<p>The Dervish said that that would be against the +rule.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I remember. You look wise and tell them +to come again to-morrow. The next day they come +again, and you tell them which camel was blind +in one eye and where their lovers are. That is very +wonderful."</p> + +<p>The Dervish said that was the easiest part of it. +The hardest thing was to look wiser than the +Muftis.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 327px;"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75"></a> +<img src="images/i034.png" width="327" height="500" alt="An expressive glance at the executioner" title="" /> +<span class="caption">An expressive glance at the executioner</span> +</div> + +<p>Very soon they were having a delightful talk +about all the great personages Miss Muffet had +always admired at a distance, but the Dervish had +known them intimately and could tell all their +weak points, which were not in the books. Indeed, +Miss Muffet was surprised to find how many mistakes +the books had in them, all because the persons<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> +who made them hadn't taken the trouble to +talk with the Dervish. Almost all the numbers +were wrong.</p> + +<p>"There weren't forty thieves, there were only +thirty-nine. I counted them myself."</p> + +<p>"But didn't everything else happen as I was +told?" asked Miss Muffet; "and didn't it come +out as it is in the book?"</p> + +<p>The Dervish admitted this, but said that that +wasn't the important part: the important part was +to count straight.</p> + +<p>A remarkable discovery was that all the famous +people had brothers, and the brothers were always +the ones who ought to have been famous, but +every one forgot about them.</p> + +<p>"There is Aladdin, he's a greatly overrated +man. I could tell you some curious things I +learned about him. I know they are true, for +they were told to me in confidence. People +admire him because they think he is so lucky. +Now if it had been his brother! He came over +from China and used to sit by the day under my +palm-tree talking about the chances he had just +missed. They were truly marvelous. He missed +more chances than Aladdin ever dreamed of, but +nobody ever writes about him."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Perhaps they don't know about him," said +Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"That's the injustice of it."</p> + +<p>"Speaking of brothers, did you ever find out +why it is that the third one is always the wisest? +I asked one of the North Country princes about +it just now, and he bowed and said he thanked +me for the compliment, but he was no philosopher. +It doesn't matter where it is, in the Red Fairy +Book or the Green Fairy Book or any color, the +third is always the charm, and it seems very much +the same way in your country. The oldest brother +is always vain and selfish, and when he goes into +the forest, always does the very thing he was told +not to. And the second brother is selfish, and +stupider, for he ought to know better when his +brother doesn't come back and there are so many +witches around. Then it comes to the third +brother, and I never expect anything of him because +he is so little and his stepmother has kept +him back, but he turns out splendid. Did you +ever meditate on that, Mr. Dervish?"</p> + +<p>The Dervish said that he had meditated on it +for a great many years, and had at last come to +the conclusion that it was a law of nature.</p> + +<p>"I am so glad to know that," said Miss Muffet, +"for it has always troubled me."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 294px;"> +<img src="images/i035.png" width="294" height="500" alt="Aladdin's brother and the Dervish" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Aladdin's brother and the Dervish</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span></p> + +<p>The Dervish remarked that when one was troubled +by that kind of questions, it was always better +to consult a wise man at once. It was not safe +to let the case run on.</p> + +<p>"There's another thing I should like to ask +about. Since I first read of the Three Royal +Mendicants, I've always wondered what a Mendicant +is. I know he must be very proud and great, +but what does he do? The Mendicants are here +this evening, but I don't like to ask them; it +might seem rude."</p> + +<p>Then the Dervish explained about the Mendicants, +and seemed so familiar with their way of life +that Miss Muffet suspected that he might have +been one himself. He explained too about the +Calendars.</p> + +<p>The time passed so rapidly that Miss Muffet +would have talked with him all the evening, had +he not at last said that he feared he was monopolizing +the attention of his hostess; besides, it was +about time for him to do some more meditating.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i036.png" width="400" height="410" alt="Chapter VIII" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">There</span> was a surprise at the party that delighted +many of the young people. Old Mr. Esop passed +through the hall, distributing handbills, announcing +that, at immense expense, he had brought +from Greece his unparalleled aggregation of Fables, +which would now be open for exhibition in a grand +pavilion just outside the south door of the palace. +Out of compliment to Miss Muffet's party, admission<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> +to the Fables would be free, though ten cents +would be charged to those who remained to the +Morals,—which, I am sorry to say, very few did. +Some of the Fables were unusually terrifying, such +as the Lions and the hungry Wolves, and Miss +Muffet was glad to see what strong bars there +were to their cages. But a number of the Fables, +having been for a long time on exhibition, had +become quite tame, and walked about conversing +so amiably that the youngest children felt no +apprehension.</div> + +<p>It was while Mr. Esop was engaged in attaching +the Morals to the Fables that Miss Muffet caught +sight for the first time of Uncle Remus and the +Little Boy. Mr. Esop was pointing out the Hare +asleep by the wayside while the Tortoise was coming +gayly down the home stretch, and he was about +to exhibit the Moral when Uncle Remus broke out +with a hearty laugh.</p> + +<p>"You don't fool dis chile, does you, honey? +Brer Rabbit he sometime play 'possum, but he +sleep wid one eye open; he not let hisself be beat +by a triflin' mud turtle. Jess when Brer Turtle +thinks he's thar, Brer Rabbit'll give a jump, an' +Brer Turtle'll find he's jess in time to be too late. +Oh! I know Brer Rabbit's owdacious ways." But<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span> +still the Hare slept while the Tortoise came deliberately +over the line. Then Uncle Remus cried +out with infinite scorn, "Come along, little boy; +dat ain't worth shucks; dat ain't Brer Rabbit, +nohow. I 'low dat rabbit's stuffed."</p> + +<p>"But, Uncle Remus," said Miss Muffet, "perhaps +you will like the Fables better when you get acquainted +with them. I'm sure they have always +borne a good reputation. And now I should like +to introduce you to Mr. Esop; it's such a pleasure +to bring together people of the same tastes. Mr. +Esop, allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Remus. +I am sure that you will feel a common interest in +Zoölogy."</p> + +<p>Miss Muffet felt a little frightened at making +such a formal speech, but she knew that she was +showing the quality called "tact," which is something +very useful in a hostess. To tell one's +guests what they are expected to talk about is +often a great convenience to them.</p> + +<p>But Mr. Esop, the moment he heard the name, +drew back with an air that was quite chilling and +businesslike.</p> + +<p>"Another of those early Romans out of a job! +He has just discovered that he is a Fable and is +looking for a situation." Then turning to Uncle<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span> +Remus he said, "I'm very particular about my +Fables, and I want everything straight and plain +so that parents may +have no hesitation in +bringing their children. +I don't like to +mix up Myths with my +Fables, for the chances +are that the Mythical +Personage, instead of +having a Moral, may +turn out to be only a +Sign of the Zodiac. +This is always confusing +to the Public. I +suppose, Mr. Remus, +that you have brought +Mr. Romulus with you. +In the case of twins, I +give no consideration, +if I'm offered only a +broken lot. I must +have the full set, Mr. +Remus."</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 200px;"> +<img src="images/i037.png" width="200" height="425" alt=""I must have the full set"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"I must have the full set"</span> +</div> + +<p>Uncle Remus's feelings would have been much +hurt if he had not at that moment caught sight<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> +of Mowgli accompanied by Baloo and Bagheera. +Just how it happened Miss Muffet could never find +out, but before she had time to introduce them +they had become fast friends, and Uncle Remus +only chuckled when she asked him if she might +have the pleasure of making them acquainted.</p> + +<p>"Nebber you mind 'bout us, we mus' hab met +befo'. I disremember whar, but it mus' hab been +somewhar down de big road."</p> + +<p>And the old man laughed at the thought that +there ever was a time when he didn't know Mowgli.</p> + +<p>At the mention of the big road Mowgli began to +sing the "Road Song of the Bandar-log." It was +a very strange song, and not at all like those that +her music teacher taught her, but for all that Miss +Muffet felt that it was just the kind of a song she +would sing if she were a Bandar-log.</p> + +<p>Uncle Remus was in an ecstasy, and the Little +Boy shouted for joy. Every one praised it except +Sandford and Merton, who said that it didn't give +any useful information except that monkeys had +tails, a fact which was already well known, being +mentioned in all the Natural History books. For +their part, when it came to poetry they preferred some +fine passages in Dr. Young's "Night Thoughts."</p> + +<p>A great many boys and girls who were on their<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> +way to the pavilion had remained outside listening +to a pleasant gentleman who was telling them +anecdotes about the Wild Animals he had known.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 175px;"> +<img src="images/i038.png" width="175" height="172" alt="Telling anecdotes" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Telling anecdotes</span> +</div> + +<p>This troubled Mr. Esop, who, though an excellent +man, was inclined +to be jealous. Miss +Muffet went out to remind +the children of +the Morals, but in a +little while she became +as interested as the rest +of them.</p> + +<p>"His way of talking +is different from Mr. +Esop's, but I am not +sure but he may be right. At any rate, I am glad +to hear some one who speaks respectfully about animals, +and who doesn't say anything behind their +backs that he wouldn't say to their faces. He +always remembers that they are persons and have +feelings. Then when they do things, he doesn't +blame them or call them bad names. That's one +thing I don't like about Mr. Esop. He isn't +quite fair, and he is always accusing them of +Folly."</p> + +<p>"It's remarkable how small the world is, after<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> +all," said the pleasant gentleman, when more than +a score of persons told him that the Wild Animals +he had known were among their most intimate +acquaintances, and that they had met them under +a great many different circumstances. Then followed +a good deal of gossip about their family life +and the way they got their living. Miss Muffet +was glad to hear that they were all so kind to their +children, but the way they got their living troubled +her. She remembered what the spider said, that +"business is business," but that didn't make it +seem any more kind.</p> + +<p>"It's the Law of the Jungle," said Mowgli; and +then he recited the law word for word just as he +had learned it.</p> + +<p>"Can't they change it?" asked Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"The Jungle people can't. It's too strong for +them."</p> + +<p>From this the conversation drifted to hunting +for sport. The pleasant gentleman who knew so +many animals personally didn't like it. The Boy +Hunters, who had spent a great deal of time in the +woods, didn't agree with him. They said that the +proper way to become acquainted with animals was +to carry a gun. It showed that you entered into +the spirit of the thing. They fancied that it was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span> +good for wild animals to be hunted; in fact, that +was what kept them wild.</p> + +<p>Miss Muffet didn't think that was a very +good reason, though it sounded logical; and she +asked several of the Animals what they thought +about it.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 250px;"> +<img src="images/i039.png" width="250" height="191" alt=""It all depends on grammar"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"It all depends on grammar"</span> +</div> + +<p>A Duck, a Dodo, a Lory, and an Eaglet, who had +come with Alice from Wonderland, were the nearest, +and she asked them first, but they refused to +answer on the ground that they never had thoughts +so late in the +evening. The +Lory said that +he had one at +home, but he +had forgotten to +bring it.</p> + +<p>"You can't +make anything +out of these +Wonderland creatures," said Miss Muffet. "I can't +really feel that they are animals I have known, +though of course I know their names."</p> + +<p>When Bagheera was asked his opinion, he only +growled that it was all in the day's work. But wise +old Baloo answered:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>—</p> + +<p>"It all depends on grammar."</p> + +<p>This made every one look very solemn, for they +realized now that it was a serious matter.</p> + +<p>"First Person, Singular, I hunt. Second Person, +Thou huntest. Third Person, He or She hunts. So +long as you confine it to the First Person, it's proper +and right. When you go beyond that, it's carrying +it too far. When you get to the Second Person, +that's where the danger comes in."</p> + +<p>This was such sound sense that they all agreed +to it, though Mr. Wolf declared that the First Person, +Plural, seemed to him to be more sociable.</p> + +<p>"Does it make any difference about the moods +and tenses?" asked Miss Muffet.</p> + +<p>"Passive—First Person, Singular, I am hunted."</p> + +<p>There was a general cry of horror. "What +a dreadful point of view!" said the Dodo; "it +makes me shiver to think about it."</p> + +<p>Even the wildest animals agreed that it was atrocious. +What was most remarkable was that the +Boy Hunters, who had been on the Orinoco and the +Congo and all the most dangerous places, admitted +that they had the same feelings.</p> + +<p>"There's a limit beyond which hunting is not +true sport. It should not be allowed to go as far as +the First Person, Singular, in the Passive."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I'm so glad that you agree about it," said +Miss Muffet. "I knew you would when you came +to understand one another. That's the great +good of being at parties; it makes us feel that +we are all more alike than we thought."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 375px;"> +<img src="images/i040.png" width="375" height="324" alt="Chapter IX" title="" /> +</div> + + +<div class='unindent'><span class="smcap">When</span> Miss Muffet began to be a little tired, Mr. +Spider asked her to take a stroll with him into the +open air. So he led her through a low archway +which brought them at last into the Child's Garden +of Verses.</div> + +<p>"We had to make the entrance quite small," he +said apologetically, "to keep out the big boys. +They run over everything, and we should have to +put up those horrid signs,'Keep off the Verses.'"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 342px;"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93"></a> +<img src="images/i041.png" width="342" height="500" alt="Wynken, Blynken, and Nod" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Wynken, Blynken, and Nod</span> +</div> + +<p>"I am so glad that you have brought me into +the garden where I can see the verses growing.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> +Mamma told me that people make verses just as +they make the flowers on her bonnet. But I like +the kind that grow, don't you, Mr. Spider?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Spider said that he was no judge of poetry, +but he was inclined to be of her opinion; which +made Miss Muffet very happy, for she had not been +used to having people agree with her,—at least +before she had a party.</p> + +<p>It was very pleasant in the garden, for the +noisier children had not found it out. It was surprising +how many things were in it. There was a +little river with golden sand; and the tiniest mountain, +which looked as high as the sky when you +got the right point of view; and there were ships +and pirates and a beautiful cow. When you looked +in the right direction, you could see the big world +stretching away much further than the eye could +reach.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 319px;"><a name="prudent" id="prudent"></a> +<img src="images/i042.png" width="319" height="450" alt="He was a little prudent" title="" /> +<span class="caption">He was a little prudent</span> +</div> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 338px;"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97"></a> +<img src="images/i043.png" width="338" height="500" alt="The Rockaby Lady saying good-night" title="" /> +<span class="caption">The Rockaby Lady saying good-night</span> +</div> +<p>Miss Muffet watched a wide-eyed little boy who +was wandering about and having such an adventurous +time as never was. Everything was so great +and strange, yet he wasn't a bit afraid, only now +and then when he turned a corner he was a little +prudent, as any traveler would be who had come +to the end of the world and was not sure that the +next step might not take him off the edge. But it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span> +never did, for no matter how far he went, there +was always a next step for him, as if the good +Scotch gardener who had laid out the paths had +known that such a great traveler was coming. As<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span> +she left the garden she heard him singing to himself +his glad little song,—</p> + + +<div class='poem'> +"The world is so full of a number of things,<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 0.5em;">I think we should all be as happy as Kings."</span><br /> +</div> + +<p>The idea of the little song was exactly the same +that Miss Muffet had had in her head for a long +time, though she hadn't been able to express it so +well. Even after she came back to the company, +she kept repeating the words to herself.</p> + +<p>"I think the nicest part about being happy," +she confided to the spider, "is that it keeps you +from being lonesome, and it makes you like such a +number of things."</p> + +<p>"And such a number of people," added Mr. +Spider.</p> + +<p>"Yes; all the different kinds. It's not because +they are so very pretty. You like the queer ones +too, and you are glad that the world's full of +them. There's Rumpelstiltzkin, he's not at all +like anybody else, and his features aren't regular, +but I'm glad he came to the party. He's so interesting."</p> + +<p>Mr. Spider was sure that if he could get every +one to feel that way, it would make life easier for +the members of his own family. He agreed that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> +the way to keep people from being cruel was to +make them happy in their own minds.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 326px;"> +<img src="images/i044.png" width="326" height="475" alt="Flew away . . . into the night" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Flew away . . . into the night</span> +</div> + +<p>"And it's such an easy way," said Miss Muffet, +"I wonder that nobody has thought of it before."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 348px;"> +<img src="images/i045.png" width="348" height="500" alt="Into his overcoat pocket" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Into his overcoat pocket</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 282px;"> +<img src="images/i046.png" width="282" height="450" alt="Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance</span> +</div> + +<p>There is not time to tell of all that happened at +the party. As to refreshments, the Old Woman +who lived on victuals and drink declared that +victuals and drink were nothing to the good things +which Miss Muffet had provided. Before the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> +evening was over the Pied Piper played so merrily +that even Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began +to dance. The Twelve Dancing Princesses said +that it was the first time that they had been able to +dance as much as they liked. Before this they had +had to stop when they danced the soles off their +shoes; but this evening the spider had thoughtfully +provided each one with several pairs.</p> + +<p>And how did it end? All of a sudden, lights +out, cobweb broken, and Miss Muffet left alone +with her curds and whey? Not at all. It ended +as all good parties end. The Rockaby Lady from +Hushaby Street suggested that it was getting late. +Then one by one the guests came to Little Miss +Muffet and told her what a good time they had had, +and how glad they were that Christmas comes once +every year. Wynken, Blynken, and Nod sailed +away in a wooden shoe. They were such dear +little fellows that Miss Muffet was sorry that she +hadn't noticed them till they came to say good-by. +Mr. Esop put out the lights in his pavilion; +and the Arabians mounted their camels and rode +slowly toward Bagdad, first making the Sultana +promise to tell them a story that would last through +the whole Arabian Night. The Wonderlanders +put on their queer bonnets and coats, all carefully<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> +wrong side out; and the Man Friday hoisted his +umbrella to keep the dew off Robinson Crusoe; +and Doctor Gulliver put all the Lilliputians he +could catch into his overcoat pocket; and Mother +Goose flew away with all her family into the night. +The little people from the North were the last to +get away, for it took them a long time to get on +their overshoes and fur coats and mufflers, but at +last they too had gone.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 350px;"> +<img src="images/i047.png" width="350" height="312" alt="A long time to get on their overshoes" title="" /> +<span class="caption">A long time to get on their overshoes</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 336px;"> +<img src="images/i048.png" width="336" height="400" alt="Closed her eyes" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Closed her eyes</span> +</div> + +<p>"I see by the moonlight +that it's almost midnight," +said the spider. "It's time +for little girls to go to sleep."</p> + +<p>Little Miss Muffet closed her eyes very tightly +indeed, but she didn't close her ears, so she heard +the first tinkle of sleigh-bells far away, and she +knew that Santa Claus was coming.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/i049.png" width="400" height="289" alt="The Spider" title="" /> +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Miss Muffet's Christmas Party, by +Samuel McChord Crothers + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + +***** This file should be named 31997-h.htm or 31997-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/9/9/31997/ + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miss Muffet's Christmas Party + +Author: Samuel McChord Crothers + +Illustrator: Olive M. Long + +Release Date: April 15, 2010 [EBook #31997] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover] + +[Illustration] + + + + +By Samuel M. Crothers + + MEDITATIONS ON VOTES FOR WOMEN. + HUMANLY SPEAKING. + AMONG FRIENDS. + BY THE CHRISTMAS FIRE. + THE PARDONER'S WALLET. + THE ENDLESS LIFE. + THE GENTLE READER. + OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES: THE AUTOCRAT AND HIS FELLOW + BOARDERS. With Portrait. + MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY. Illustrated. + + + HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY + BOSTON AND NEW YORK + + + + +MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY + +[Illustration: _A visitor came_ (page 4)] + + + + +MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY + +BY + +SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS + +ILLUSTRATIONS BY OLIVE M. LONG + + BOSTON AND NEW YORK + HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY + The Riverside Press Cambridge + + + + + COPYRIGHT 1902 BY SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS + ALL RIGHTS RESERVED + + _Published November, 1902_ + + + + + TO MARGERY + BECAUSE, AMONG OTHER THINGS, + WE LIKE THE SAME PEOPLE + +[Illustration] + + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + + + PAGE + + _A visitor came_ (_page 4_) Frontispiece + _Chapter Heading_ 1 + _Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book_ 2 + _To meditate on the passage of time_ 3 + _The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on_ 4 + _Fairly jumped off her tuffet_ 6 + _Chapter Heading_ 8 + _They sat down_ 9 + _Every town crier in England_ 13 + _The blighted being_ 15 + _Chapter Heading_ 18 + _Miss Muffet closed her eyes_ 19 + _She could catch glimpses of travelers_ 20 + _Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind_ 21 + _Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland_ 23 + "_This is the main caravan road to Bagdad_" 25 + _Elves_ 28 + _The woods were full of merry little people_ 29 + _An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked_ 31 + _Chapter Heading_ 32 + _Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people_ 33 + _Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp_ 37 + "_Listening . . . is hard on the eyes_" 39 + _Chapter Heading_ 44 + _The shyest persons in the room_ 45 + _Scampering off into the dark_ 47 + _Chapter Heading_ 54 + "_I am sorry to be so late_" 55 + _Hal cut his string_ 63 + "_I don't think I ever knew two persons more different_" 65 + "_You dear little Rosamond_" 67 + _Chapter Heading_ 69 + _One was beating the other_ 71 + _A little talk about dervishry_ 73 + _An expressive glance at the executioner_ 75 + _Aladdin's brother and the Dervish_ 79 + _Chapter Heading_ 82 + "_I must have the full set_" 85 + _Telling anecdotes_ 87 + "_It all depends on grammar_" 89 + _Chapter Heading_ 92 + _Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_ 93 + _He was a little prudent_ 96 + _The Rockaby Lady saying good-night_ 97 + _Flew away . . . into the night_ 100 + _Into his overcoat pocket_ 101 + _Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance_ 103 + _A long time to get on their overshoes_ 105 + _Closed her eyes_ 106 + _Tail Piece_ 107 + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter I] + + +'Twas the night before Christmas, and it was very quiet in Mrs. Muffet's +house,--altogether too quiet, thought little Miss Muffet, as she sat +trying to eat her curds and whey. For Mrs. Muffet was a very severe +mother and had her own ideas about bringing up children,--and so had Mr. +Muffet, or rather he had the same ideas, only warmed over. One of these +was on the necessity of care in the diet of growing children. "First," +said Mrs. Muffet, "we must find out what the children don't like, and +then we must make them eat plenty of it; next to breaking their wills, +there is nothing so necessary as breaking their appetites." Mrs. Muffet +had read this in a book, and so she knew it must be true; and Mr. Muffet +had heard Mrs. Muffet say it so many times that he knew it was true. + +[Illustration: _Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book_] + +So every morning little Miss Muffet had three courses: first, curds and +whey; second, whey and curds; third, curdled whey. She had the same +things for the other meals, but the order was changed about. An +experienced housekeeper tells me that the third course is impossible to +prepare, as whey cannot be curdled. All I have to say is that this +housekeeper had not known Mrs. Muffet. Mrs. Muffet could curdle +anything. But the worst days of the year for little Miss Muffet were the +holidays, for they were occasions that had to be improved. Now for a +little girl to improve an occasion is about the hardest work she can do, +especially when she doesn't know how. If she had been left to herself, +Miss Muffet wouldn't have improved them at all, but would have left them +in their natural state. + +[Illustration: _To meditate on the passage of time_] + +"Christmas," said Mrs. Muffet in her most economical tone, "comes but +once a year, so we must make it go as far as possible. The best way for +a child to do that is to sit and meditate. You've no idea how long a +holiday seems till you sit still and think about it. Count sixty, that +will be just one minute, and another, and another, and then +another--sixty times one, and then sixty times that, and then +twenty-four times that makes--well--it makes--the exact number doesn't +matter much," said Mrs. Muffet, who wasn't quick at mental arithmetic, +"but you'll see that there are quite a considerable number of seconds in +Christmas Day--quite enough for any growing child." So at Christmas time +Mrs. Muffet would go out to visit the neighbors, leaving the little girl +seated on a very uncomfortable tuffet, to meditate on the passage of +time. + +[Illustration: _The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on_] + +Perhaps some of you would like to know what a tuffet is. I have thought +of that myself, and have taken the trouble to ask several learned +persons. They assure me that the most complete and satisfactory +definition is,--a tuffet is the kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on. +With this explanation I shall go on with my story. As she sat on her +tuffet counting up the seconds of Christmas Eve, and had already reached +the sum of two thousand one hundred and seven, a strange thing happened. +A visitor came and sat down beside her. You guess who he was? Yes--an +elderly, benevolent spider. He was short-sighted and wore green +spectacles, and had evidently a little rheumatism in his legs, but as he +had eight of them, he managed to get along very well. + +Now the way you may have heard the story is that when the kind old +spider sat down beside her, it frightened Miss Muffet away. That story +must be true because I myself have seen it in print, but it happened at +another time, when Miss Muffet was very little indeed. + +On the Christmas Eve I am telling about, she had become a very sensible +little girl, and knew all about spiders, so instead of running away, she +made room for him on the tuffet and said, "I am very glad to see you, +Mr. Spider." Mr. Spider bowed and looked at her in a kindly way through +his spectacles, but said nothing. + +"I hope your family are all well; I mean the family Arachnida, +sub-order, I forget the name. We've enjoyed dissecting those we could +get; and you deserve a great deal of credit for the curious way in which +you are put together, with your funny thorax and everything." + +"Let's change the subject, Miss," said the spider, moving toward the +further side of the tuffet. "This is Christmas Eve." + +[Illustration: _Fairly jumped off her tuffet_] + +"Yes," answered Miss Muffet wearily. "Sixty seconds make a minute; sixty +minutes make an hour. Even Christmas Eve will come to an end some time; +but what's the good? For then Christmas will come, and that will _never_ +get through." + +"What do you say to a party?" + +Miss Muffet fairly jumped off her tuffet, for she had never had a party +in her life. "Who will invite the people?" + +"I will," said the spider. + +"But do you think any one will come if _you_ invite them?" + +"Why not?" + +"Oh! I was just thinking; some people are such 'fraid-cats; and then, +you know, once, one of your family invited the fly to walk into his +parlor. I don't believe the story one bit, but then, you know, Mr. +Spider, it caused talk." + +Mr. Spider positively blushed green. "If you have no objection, let's +change the subject again. Business is business; as for flies, there is a +difference of opinion about them, and we can't all live on curds and +whey, Miss Muffet. But this is to be your party, and we should not +invite flies but folks. How would you like to have a literary party, and +invite all the people you've read about?" + +"How delightful!" cried Miss Muffet gleefully. "What a dear old spider +you are!" + +"Let's write the invitations immediately," said Mr. Spider, taking out +of his pocket a ream of the most delicate cobweb paper. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter II] + + +They sat down with their heads very close together, and such a number of +letters you never saw as Miss Muffet and the spider wrote. Some of them +were very informal, like those beginning "Dear Little Bo-Peep" and "Dear +Red Riding-Hood." They said, "Won't you come to a party at my house? +We're going to have games." Others were very formal like that addressed +to + + The Reverend Swiss Robinson and Family, + Tent House, + Desert Island, + +stating that "Miss Muffet requests the pleasure of your company," etc. +Then there were letters addressed to Wonderland and Back of the North +Wind, and to Lilliput and the Land where the Jumblies Live, and to all +sorts of places which are to be found only on the best maps, and are not +in the school geographies at all. + +Mr. Spider was very careful and businesslike, and insisted that Miss +Muffet should always put down the exact address, for it would never do +to have any of the letters go to the dead-letter office. Sometimes, +however, they were puzzled to find the right direction. + +[Illustration: _They sat down_] + +"Shall I address this letter to Norwich or the Moon?" asked Miss Muffet, +handing him an envelope. + +"Ah!" said the spider, "this is a difficult case; it's hard to reach +these traveling men. Here is a gentleman residing in the Moon, who +suddenly sets out for Norwich without leaving his address. Better direct +the letter to 'Norwich, General Delivery,' and write in the upper left +hand corner, 'If not called for in five minutes, forward to the Moon.'" + +"And I suppose that Gloucester is Dr. Foster's address? That is where I +last heard of him." + +"No; I'm afraid we shall have to give the doctor up. He is a very +peculiar man and took a prejudice against the town, and vowed he would +never go that way again." + +"Oh, yes, I remember," said Miss Muffet; "it was because he didn't like +the way they kept the roads." + +It was a difficult matter to get the correct titles for all the princes +and princesses of Fairyland, and to learn the names of all the crowned +heads. Of course, where their names were in the Court Directory it was +easy enough, for the spider had a huge volume at his elbow; but he said +that it was far from complete. All the giant-killers and the young men +who married the kings' daughters were in it, but the kings themselves +were often forgotten. + +"'A certain king had three daughters,'" said Miss Muffet; "that's all +that I know about him, but he ought to be invited. The postman will want +to know which 'Certain King' it is, and what he's king of." + +"The best way to do," said the spider, "would be to address a hundred +letters, each to 'A Certain King,' asking His Majesty to honor your +party with his presence, and to bring with him a 'Certain Queen.' Then +whenever the messenger comes across a king without any particular name +he can give him an invitation. If you want to be more definite, you may +address each letter to 'A Certain Kingdom.'" + +"But he has usually given away half of his kingdom." + +"That's true," said the spider; "you had better address it to 'The Other +Half.'" + +Miss Muffet was troubled about the persons who had only lately risen in +life. + +"There is Dumbling, who went out to chop wood, and the dwarf gave him a +golden goose that made everything stick to it. The king's daughter in +that certain kingdom had been so serious that the king had offered her +to any one who would make her laugh; and when she saw Dumbling with the +goose under his arm and the maids and the parson and all the rest +following after, she laughed outright. She didn't mean to, but she +couldn't help it. And now Dumbling is a prince, and is living happily +ever afterward. I wonder if that makes any difference in his feelings, +or if he likes to be called Dumbling." + +The spider said that it all depended on his wife. With such a serious +person as she had been one must be careful about etiquette. Because she +had laughed once was no sign that she would do it again. + +"Shall you invite any plain boys and girls who live in the Every Day +Country?" asked the spider. + +This was a hard question, for the Muffets were an old family who had +come across with Mother Goose, and at this moment Every Day Country +seemed a long way off and just a bit uninteresting. But then Miss Muffet +remembered how many kind friends she had found there, and answered,-- + +"Oh, certainly, we must send invitations to the Every Day Country, for +some of the folks there are just as good as the Dreamland people, only +of course they haven't had the same advantages." + +[Illustration: _Every town crier in England_] + +So letters were sent to Prudy and Dotty Dimple and the Bodley Family, +and to the Little Men and Little Women and Lord Fauntleroy and the rest. +A special letter was written to the little Ruggleses, and to Tiny Tim +and all the Cratchetts, for Miss Muffet knew that they were always ready +to have a good time on Christmas. A message was sent to every town crier +in England, asking him to make immediate proclamation in the streets +that if any small boy who was a Prince and a Pauper would make himself +known, he would hear something greatly to his advantage, for he was +invited to Miss Muffet's Party. + +The longest letter was that sent to Agamemnon Peterkin. Miss Muffet +wrote it very carefully, underscoring all the important parts, and +adding a map showing the way from the Peterkins' house to the palace. +She asked him to bring all the family, including the little boys. + +"I don't see how he can make a mistake," she said, "but he probably +will. They are all so ingenious. They find out how to make mistakes that +other folks would never think of." + +"What about Mr. Henty's boys?" said the spider; "there are so many of +them." + +"There seem to be a great many of them," said Miss Muffet, "but I've +sometimes thought that there may be only two, only they live in +different centuries and go to different wars. Boys can do that, can't +they, Mr. Spider, if they are very brave?" + +The spider said he thought they could without changing their characters, +but of course they would have to change their names. + +So an invitation was sent to Ronald Leslie, alias Wulf, Roger, Lionel, +Stanley, etc., On The Firing Line, Near Carthage, Quebec, Crecy, +Waterloo, Khartoum, or wherever the Enemy may be found in force. Forward +by a swift messenger, trusty and true. + +"I shouldn't wonder if they might be a little late, for they may be +taken prisoner, and it always takes them some time to escape." + +"Shall you invite any bad boys?" asked the spider. + +[Illustration: The blighted being.] + +"No," answered Miss Muffet severely, "not as a rule; but I think we +shall ask Mr. Aldrich's Bad Boy, for he is a blighted being. I think +it's our duty to have him,--and then it would be such fun. And I suppose +we ought to invite Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer to keep him company." + +"Of course you will invite all the good boys?" + +"Of course we shall invite them, as a rule. But the good boys in the +books are almost too good sometimes; don't you think so, Mr. Spider? I +mean almost too good to be true. But that reminds me; I suppose we +should invite Rollo?" + +"Yes," said the spider, "we certainly must invite Rollo; he's a worthy +lad, and of an inquiring mind." + +"Oh dear!" said Miss Muffet, tearing up the letter she had just written, +"he's so intelligent. I'll have to write very correctly or he'll +criticise the spelling; and then if I invite Rollo, I shall have to +invite Jonas, too." + +"Certainly," said the spider, "we must invite Jonas, and we must arrange +some moral amusement. Suppose in your invitation you leave out the word +'party' and ask him to attend a 'serious symposium.' How would this +do?--'Respected Sir, You are earnestly requested to attend a serious +symposium at Miss Muffet's, to meet the Rev. Swiss Robinson and other +persons interested in the education of youth. The Little Old Woman who +lived in a Shoe will preside. There will be a number of papers, to be +followed by a discussion.'" + +"How good that is! Jonas would so love a discussion," said Miss Muffet. + +"Shall we invite any giants?" + +"No; I don't want to be exclusive, but we must draw the line somewhere. +Let's draw it at giants." + +"Very well," said the spider, throwing into the waste-basket the letter +he had just addressed to His Majesty the King of the Brobdingnags. + +At last the invitations were all written, and the kind old spider said, +"Now lie down, my dear, on the tuffet and close your eyes, and I will +make all the preparations and wake you in time for the party." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter III] + + +Miss Muffet closed her eyes, and had already begun to dream of curds and +whey, when all at once she was awakened and found herself in a most +wonderful palace. The walls and floors were made of the sheerest, +filmiest spider's-web, woven into a thousand delicate patterns. A soft +light shone through the tapestries, and the dewdrops on the roof +sparkled like diamonds. The music that floated in through the open +windows was not so much a sound as a part of the atmosphere. She was not +sure whether she heard it or only breathed it in. Everything was so +shimmering and so dainty that Miss Muffet might have thought that she +was dreaming had it not been for the spider, who looked so comical in +his dress-suit that she laughed outright. The moment she laughed, Miss +Muffet knew that everything was real. + +[Illustration: _Miss Muffet closed her eyes_] + +[Illustration: _She could catch glimpses of travelers_] + +[Illustration: _Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind_] + +For a minute she did not dare to trust herself on the floor, but when +she took a step she had the most delightful experience of walking on +air. She went to one of the great windows. If the palace had been +wonderful, how much more wonderful was the view from it. Far as the eye +could reach were the shining paths of spider's-web, each one leading +over hill and dale to the palace door. Now the paths were on the ground, +now with bridges from grass blade to grass blade, sometimes from tree to +tree; and far off she could see them spanning deep valleys among the +hills. By and by she could catch glimpses of travelers on the road, some +in coaches, some on foot, some on horseback, coming by twos and dozens +and scores. + +"They're coming to the party," said the spider. + +[Illustration: _Alice with all the strange friends she had found in +Wonderland_] + +Sure enough, there was Cinderella in her coach with the Prince sitting +by her side, and Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind. And there was +Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland; and a +very queer set they were, for Wonderland is rather out of the world, and +the fashions of the Wonderlanders were peculiar, and not at all like +anything Miss Muffet had ever seen before. And then how they did act! It +was a great relief to see, after the March Hare and the Cheshire Cat and +the Duchess, who were skipping along in the most extraordinary manner, +Mr. Robinson Crusoe. "He looks so solid and respectable," said Miss +Muffet, "and so English, you know." + +"Come to the east window," said the spider. + +Miss Muffet went with him and looked out on a great level road +stretching toward the sunrise. Just where it seemed to touch the sky she +could see a grove of palm-trees, and she thought she could see, beyond, +the golden domes and minarets of a city. But she was not quite sure of +this, for it might have been the clouds. A faint perfume as of rare +spices floated to her as the wind sprang up. + +"This," said the spider, "is the main caravan road to Bagdad." A golden +dust seemed to rise in the distance among the palms. At last Miss Muffet +could see a caravan. + +"Take this glass," said the spider, handing her an opera-glass. Then +Miss Muffet could see very well. There were the Sultan and the Caliph +and the Grand Vizier, and the silk merchants and the calenders, and the +princesses of every degree,--all on camels most wonderful to behold. + +[Illustration: "_This is the main caravan road to Bagdad_"] + +"Do you see the Forty Thieves?" asked the spider uneasily. "If you do, +we'd better count the spoons." + +Then Miss Muffet went to the north window, and such a sight as she saw +there! There was frost on all the roads, and snow on the far mountains, +and the great pine forest on that side came almost to the palace doors. +And such pine-trees as they were! Each one looked like a great Christmas +tree. The woods were full of merry little people, with such frosty +twinkles in their eyes that it did one good to look at them. They talked +Swedish and German and Icelandic and all sorts of queer languages, but +somehow they laughed so naturally, and were so simple and hearty, that +Miss Muffet understood every word. There were hosts of brownies and +elves and fairies, and intelligent white bears, and one or two reformed +wolves, and an old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked, and +the Marsh King and his daughters, and an old gentleman who looked so +much like Santa Claus that Miss Muffet was sure that he must be his +brother. Indeed, she could not help noticing that a great many of these +North Country folks bore a strong family resemblance to Santa +Claus,--but perhaps it was only the way they wore their beards. When she +saw them all, she was sorry that she had not invited Santa Claus +himself. She hadn't asked him, because, as she told Mr. Spider, it was +Christmas Eve, and it might seem suggestive. But the truth of the matter +was, as I suspect, that she thought he would probably drop in of his own +accord, some time in the course of the evening. + +[Illustration: _Elves_] + +[Illustration: _The woods were full of merry little people_] + +[Illustration: _An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked_] + +As the brisk little people from the North came up the palace steps, Miss +Muffet was sure that Hans Christian Andersen must have had a party once, +or how could he have described them so well? "Indeed," she said, "if I +didn't know what day of the month and what year it is, I should almost +think that this is 'Once upon a Time.'" + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter IV] + + +When the guests began to come in, Miss Muffet was all in a flurry for +fear she should not do her duty as a hostess; but she needn't have +worried a bit, for they were so much interested in themselves that they +paid very little attention to her. Then she had the assistance of two +widely traveled storks, who, having their summer residences in Norway +and spending their winters in Bagdad, had a great number of +acquaintances, and introduced the Orientals to the North Country people. +It was delightful to see how quickly they all became acquainted. Little +Dutch Gretchen in her wooden shoes was not at all like the Persian +Princess whom she now met for the first time, but they were soon warm +friends though they had moved in such different society. At first Miss +Muffet was afraid that the wooden shoes might spoil the spider's-web +floor; but there was no real danger of this, for the spider, knowing +that there would be a very great crowd, had made everything very strong. + +[Illustration: _Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people_] + +There was a little man in a huge bearskin coat who came from Back of the +North Wind. At first he was shy and awkward, but it was beautiful to see +how soon he was put at ease when Aladdin came up and explained to him +the virtues of his wonderful lamp. The little man said that such a lamp +must be very useful, but when it came to illuminating power it was +nothing to what he had at home, for he had an Aurora Borealis in every +room. Then the little man chuckled to himself, for he wanted every one +to know that the Back of the North Wind Country was not so uncivilized +as people supposed. + +In a corner she found a delightful group of seafaring folks. Dr. Lemuel +Gulliver was telling the story of one of his voyages. He was such a +matter-of-fact person, and so accurate about the latitude and longitude, +that Miss Muffet had the greatest confidence in him, and felt that, +though he might be mistaken in regard to the main points, all the +details happened exactly as he said. His story reminded Sindbad the +Sailor of something that had happened to him. He told his story in a +charming oriental way, but without a touch of exaggeration. + +"That would have spoiled it," said Miss Muffet to Baron Munchausen, who +was standing by. "Don't you like simplicity, Baron?" + +The Baron bowed in a courtly, old-fashioned way, and said that he was +inordinately fond of it. Miss Muffet heard a rippling, liquid sound +which she at first mistook for laughter, but the Baron assured her that +it was only the frozen truth beginning to thaw. This reminded him of a +little incident which was wonderful to hear. Everybody was astonished +except the Three Wise Men of Gotham. They remarked that if they were at +liberty to tell their adventures, as seafaring men, the stories that had +been told would seem quite tame; but they didn't feel at liberty, and +only looked at each other so wisely that Miss Muffet wondered whether +any persons could really be as wise as they looked. + +[Illustration: _Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp_] + +A sturdy, round-faced man stood just behind the group, but took no part +in the conversation. Whenever Sindbad was talking he became so excited +that his eyes seemed almost to pop out of his head, but he quieted down +as soon as any one else began. After a time Sindbad came over to him, +and taking out his purse, gave him a handful of gold pieces. + +"A hundred sequins?" asked Miss Muffet. + +[Illustration: "_Listening . . . is hard on the eyes_"] + +"Yes," said the round-faced man, "that's my regular wages." + +"It must be a very large amount." + +He said he had no complaint to make, though a sequin didn't go so far in +Bagdad as it once did, and he had to spend a great deal in clothes. + +"I knew the minute I saw you that you must be Hindbad the Porter." + +"I used to be a porter before I became a professional listener. +Listening isn't so hard on the back as portering, but it requires more +attention and the hours are longer; that is, they seem longer. Besides, +it's hard on the eyes." + +"You mean on the ears," suggested Miss Muffet. + +"No! on the eyes; you have to look interested." + +"Oh! I understand," said Miss Muffet. "When first I heard about your +being invited to dinner at Sindbad's and listening to his first tale, it +seemed the very nicest thing in the world. And how unexpected it was, +after you had enjoyed it, for him to hand you a hundred sequins and say, +'Take this, Hindbad, and return to your home, and come back to-morrow +and hear more of my adventures.' Weren't you surprised to hear a story +and get a hundred sequins besides?" + +Hindbad said that he was surprised at first, but after a day or two he +began to look at it more in a business way. He had always made it a rule +to be thorough, for whatever was worth doing was worth doing well, and +he determined to be the very best listener in Bagdad. + +"You see, in my country, we have a great many gentlemen who gain wealth +by having adventures. When they come back from their shipwrecks, they +naturally want to tell about them; but there's so much competition that +it's hard to get a hearing. When they meet with people, like those +horrid Wise Men of Gotham, who prefer their own shipwrecks, they go into +a decline." + +His eyes filled with tears, and Miss Muffet was sure that he was one of +the most sympathetic men in the world. + +"Now I had a great advantage," he went on; "I never had a shipwreck of +my own, so that I could not be reminded of something that would make me +interrupt. And then it is easy for me to have a story seem strange. I +seem to have a natural gift for it. Any one can be surprised the first +time he hears an adventure, but if one is to become a professional +listener he must cultivate the habit of being surprised. Now that story +about the roc's egg grows upon me; indeed it does! I don't think I +appreciated it at first. That's the way with all big things; it's some +time before you take them in. Even Mr. Sindbad says that it didn't seem +as big when he saw it as it does now when he remembers it. And whenever +I hear about those huge serpents it makes me shudder, and I ask Mr. +Sindbad to hurry on and tell me that he really did get away from them. I +can't stand the suspense. The cannibals are frightful creatures, Miss +Muffet; they say they eat people. Mr. Sindbad has a perfect genius for +having accidents. They come in the most unexpected places. And then he +escapes. I sometimes think that is the most wonderful part of it." + +"Do you think a little girl who studied hard could learn your profession +and practice in Bagdad?" asked Miss Muffet timidly. "You know I wouldn't +ask for wages; I would do it just for the love of it." + +Hindbad frowned darkly. "It would never do, Miss Muffet! I can't have +little girls coming over on the banks of the Tigris and taking the bread +out of the mouths of my family." + +But when he saw that Miss Muffet was beginning to cry, he changed his +tone and said, "I am sure you meant no harm, only you didn't understand +about the wages. You could easily earn a hundred sequins at listening, +and it isn't so hard to learn when you are young. I would give that much +myself to have you listen to a queer thing that happened to me once in +Bagdad. I've never told it before, for I never found any one who looked +interested. It was in one of the narrowest streets down by the +water-side, and it was on the darkest night of the year, when"-- + +Just then the spider came to take Miss Muffet away to meet some children +who came from The Golden Age. Their names were Harold and Edward and +Charlotte, and they said they had an Aunt Maria, who had stayed at home +because she had not been invited to the party. They had walked all the +way along the Roman Road, which made the spider think that they must be +tired. In this he was mistaken; though they said that they were ready +for the refreshments. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter V] + + +The Golden Age children said that they didn't like to play with grown +folks; after people got to be thirty or ninety they thought they became +very uninteresting, and didn't have the right kind of feelings; unless +they were Princes and went on adventures. + +Miss Muffet didn't agree with this because some of her best friends were +elderly peasants whose faces were all puckered up because they had been +smiling for so many years. She wished, though, that they were not so +shy. + +[Illustration: _The shyest persons in the room_] + +"I suppose it's because they are not used to going to parties; neither +am I, for that matter, but then I'm not so much used as they are to +_not_ going." + +Perhaps the shyest persons in the room were an old German shoemaker and +his wife, whom Miss Muffet had for a long time loved and admired, though +they had not known it. Indeed, they didn't know that any one was ever +admired unless he had found a pot of gold or done something equally +praiseworthy. The shoemaker had never done anything but make shoes, and +his wife did the cooking and made the clothes for the family. When they +received the invitation to the party, they were greatly astonished and +thought it must be a mistake, but the village priest, who read the +letter, told them that it was certainly intended for them, though why +they were invited was a mystery. When the priest told them that it was a +mystery, they knew that it was so, and came along bowing and curtsying +as if all the persons they met were their betters, though really only +one or two were half so good. Miss Muffet ran to them and put her hands +in theirs. + +[Illustration: _Scampering off into the dark_] + +"I have just loved you since the time I heard what you did for the +little elves who used to come at night after you had gone to bed and +finish your work for you. Some people take what's done for them and +think no more about it except that they're lucky; but you sat up till +midnight and peeped into the room where the elves were working, and saw +that they didn't have enough clothes to keep them warm. Then you made +each one a shirt and a coat and waistcoat and a pair of trousers and a +little pair of shoes. What fun it must have been, next night, to watch +them putting on their things and scampering off into the dark. I never +heard of elves being dressed up like that." + +The shoemaker and his wife laughed heartily as they remembered how funny +the elves were. The wife confessed that the garments didn't fit closely, +though she made them like her husband's, only smaller. + +"Elves are not so square, are they?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"No," said the shoemaker's wife; "but their clothes are. That's the only +pattern I have." + +"I suppose they are coming to the party? I sent a general invitation to +Elf-land. There is to be elfin music and a frolic for them. I thought +they might like it better to have their own games. Your elves can't say +they have nothing to wear, because that wouldn't be true." + +But though she looked everywhere for them, nowhere could she see the +little elves in square coats and trousers. When the refreshments were +served, Mr. Spider noticed that everything went remarkably smoothly, and +there was more of all kinds of provisions than he had ordered. He said +he had no doubt but that the little elves were helping in the kitchen. + +"It would be just like them; the little dears!" said Miss Muffet. + +The shoemaker felt very much more at home when he met a young fellow +named Hans who had come from the same village. He was not the Hans who +married Grettel, but the one whom Miss Muffet had often heard of because +he traded a horse for a cow, the cow for a pig, the pig for a goose, and +so on, all the way home. This caused a good deal of talk in the +neighborhood, and some of the villagers thought he wasn't much of a +business man. + +Hans, however, was perfectly satisfied with himself, and was quite ready +to talk. + +"The secret of being a trader," he said, "is to be quick about it. You +must not stop to think: that's where you lose time. If I had stopped to +think, I should have brought the horse home with me, and I might have +had it on my hands yet. There are ever so many people grumbling about +the care of their property; they say it is a burden to them. I tell them +that it's all their own fault. If they kept their eyes open, they would +find plenty of ways of getting rid of it." + +Hans had such a shrewd twinkle in his eyes that Miss Muffet felt sure +that he would always get the best of a bargain, no matter how it turned +out. + +While Hans was talking, she noticed a little man who looked like a +tailor. + +"Didn't you start on a journey once," she asked, "with only a piece of +cheese and an old hen in your wallet?" + +"Yes," he answered; "but that was a good while ago." + +"I thought you must be the one. And you fooled the giant, and when he +squeezed a stone till water came out of it, you squeezed your cheese +till the whey ran out, and he thought your cheese was a stone, and that +you squeezed harder than he did. And he never saw through any of your +tricks, though I should have thought that even a giant would have +suspected. Are all giants so stupid?" + +The tailor said that not all of them were so stupid, though fortunately +a great many were, and generally when they grew beyond a certain size, +something happened to their heads. + +"If it weren't for that, Miss Muffet, there would be no room for us +common people on the earth. The giants would eat up everything. Now and +then there is a young giant like Thumbling who is active and keeps his +wits about him. But Thumbling was very little to begin with. Most giants +get foolish when they grow up, and then we can put an end to them." + +When the talk got upon giants, it was astonishing to see what an eager +crowd gathered around the tailor. There were some knights in armor who +listened unconcernedly, for they knew that giants could do them no harm; +but it was different with the tailors and fishermen and ploughmen. They +had suffered so much that they could not speak of a giant without +bitterness. + +"But aren't there good giants?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"I never heard of one," said the tailor, "except Christopher, and he is +a saint and learned how to fast. It isn't a question of their being +good: the trouble with them is that they are too big. It takes too much +to support them. They eat us out of house and home. We can't get along +peaceably till we are all more of a size." + +They were all of that opinion, and the stories which they applauded were +of the kind where a little man gets the better of a big one. Miss Muffet +could not object to this, because it was the kind she liked best +herself. + +"I never have been so much afraid of giants," she said, "since I learned +about their diseases. They are not nearly so strong as they look. There +was Giant Despair,--'in sunshiny weather he fell into fits.' It was +while he was having a fit, you know, that Christian and Hopeful got +away. If I were going where there were bad giants, I should go in +sunshiny weather." + +"I don't think you would have any trouble, my dear," said the shoemaker, +"for you would take the sunshine with you." + +And then he laughed to think of Giant Despair tumbling over in a fit +when he caught sight of Miss Muffet. For though the shoemaker was a very +kind man, he had no sympathy for giants. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VI] + + +There were so many interesting things going on at the party that Miss +Muffet almost forgot the Serious Symposium. When she did remember it, +she was very much troubled. + +"What will Rollo think about me for being so negligent! I invited him +particularly to come to a symposium, and now I don't even know how it is +done." + +[Illustration: "_I am sorry to be so late_"] + +The spider, however, told her that he had secured a hall up two flights, +and had arranged the chairs and a table, which were all the arrangements +necessary for a meeting. He had seen a number of serious persons going +upstairs, and he had no doubt that it was a success. + +When she reached the hall, the papers had all been read and discussed, +and the Little Old Woman, who was in the chair, was just announcing that +the next business before the house was to adjourn. + +"I am sorry to be so late," said Miss Muffet, "and to miss hearing the +papers." + +"If that's the case," said the Little Old Woman, "we will have them all +over again. The speakers will read slowly, so that the papers will go +further." + +"Oh, please don't on my account!" cried Miss Muffet, all in a tremble. +"Don't let me interfere with your adjourning. I know that must be +important business." + +The Little Old Woman said that it was the most important business of the +meeting. + +"Does it take long?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"Not if you know how to do it," said the Little Old Woman. + +"Then I will just sit down and watch it." + +The Little Old Woman rapped upon the table with a huge button-hook, and +went about the business so briskly that before Miss Muffet knew what had +happened, the meeting had adjourned. + +"Were the papers so quick?" she asked. + +"No, they weren't; papers are never that way." + +"What were they about?" + +"The white ones were about 'Child Study,' and the yellow ones were about +'Obedience to Parents' and 'Not Losing Your Thimble.' The yellow ones +were the ones I knew best; I used to have them when I was a little +girl." + +"Then the white ones must be harder. Is Child Study harder than +Arithmetic?" + +"There are two kinds. One kind is where you take the children you are +acquainted with and tell what you know about them. That kind isn't so +good to make papers out of. It's too short. The other kind is where you +get at 'the Contents of the Child's Mind.' I can't say that it's harder +than Arithmetic, for it is Arithmetic, only it's further on than you've +got. It's percentage. You take eleven hundred little girls in blue +dresses and make them fill out blanks. You ask them which they like +best, chocolate caramels or peppermint drops." + +"Which _do_ they like best?" asked Miss Muffet, who had often thought +about that question herself. + +"You can't tell," answered the Little Old Woman; "all you know is the +answers: they depend on which words the little girls can spell easiest. +The chief thing is to get the percentage. Then you write a paper. If it +doesn't come out right, you ask eleven hundred little girls in pink +dresses and they answer differently. Then you have a Problem." + +"What is a Problem?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"It's something to discuss," said the Little Old Woman. + +"Why don't they ask their mothers?" + +"The mothers are too busy. Besides, their children are all exceptions. +You can't make anything out of exceptions,--there are too many of them. +If you let them in, it just musses up the Science. The best way is to +keep them out." + +"But their mothers like them," said Miss Muffet. + +"Yes; they think that they are the nicest kind." + +When she had time to look around her, Miss Muffet was surprised to see +how different the company was from that in the other parts of the +palace. + +"They look as if something had been done to them," said Miss Muffet. +"Oh! now I know who they are! They must be Youths. I've always read +about Youths in the books mamma makes me read on Sunday afternoon, but I +didn't know that they were real. Some of them look almost like boys and +girls, only less so." + +Sure enough, the room was full of Youths. They came out of the +Sunday-school books and the Fifth Readers and the Moral Tales and the +Libraries of Instructive Juvenile Literature. Some had never been out of +a book before, and found it impossible to talk in anything but the book +language. Some were evidently very good, and some were painful examples +of youthful wickedness, while others were chiefly interested in Natural +History. + +"Youths," said the Little Old Woman, "are easier to understand than boys +and girls and other young folks. Youths have habits, and each one +practices only one at a time. When they do a naughty thing, they keep on +doing it regularly; that's the way you come to know which is which. It +doesn't matter what it is, whether Vanity or Procrastination or Not +Bringing in the Wood, they keep it up till they have been made to see +the folly of it, or are given over to their evil ways. Now children are +more changeable. When I lived in a Shoe, I was driven half out of my +wits, for I never could be thorough when I reproved them, they were +always naughty in a different way. I don't believe that any one could +have got any of my children into a book; they wouldn't keep still long +enough to have their characters taken." + +Almost all the Youths were accompanied by their parents or guardians, +though some had private tutors. Two youthful persons from the eighteenth +century attracted a great deal of attention. They were Harry Sandford +and Tommy Merton. Harry was a great philosopher, and understood so +perfectly the principles of the Wedge and the Inclined Plane and the +Moral Law that it was hard to believe his friend, Mr. Barlow, who stated +that he was only six years old. Tommy, on the other hand, until his +sixth year had been quite worldly, and had held a number of erroneous +opinions. Under Harry's instruction, however, he had been much improved +and was now quite sedate and observing. + +Somehow the painful examples appealed to Miss Muffet most, for she was +very tender-hearted. There was the little criminal who once stole a pin. +Miss Muffet had always understood that a pin was the very worst thing to +steal; it had such fearful consequences. The last consequence generally +is that one is transported. And there was an example of youthful +obstinacy who wouldn't pronounce the letter G. His mother was almost +broken-hearted for fear he might take a prejudice against other letters +of the alphabet. She sat up three nights with him and spent days trying +to make him say G. + +"It shows that she was a good mother, doesn't it?" said Miss Muffet. + +"It shows that she didn't have to do her own work," replied the Little +Old Woman. + +A group of very old-fashioned children were talking together in +whispers. They were evidently anxious that no older persons should hear +them. + +"There they are at it again," said the Little Old Woman; "they are Mrs. +Opie's children. People don't know them so well now, but they used to be +notorious for telling White Lies. I have no doubt that they are doing it +now; they are exaggerating." + +"What's that?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"It's telling how large a thing is before you've measured it." + +"But what if you haven't a tape-line with you?" + +"Then you should say nothing about it." + +"There is Hal," said Miss Muffet; "I know him by the miserable piece of +string hanging out of his pocket. Hal cut his string. It was a sin and +he suffers for it. His cousin Ben untied his and has it always ready for +emergencies. All his emergencies are of that kind; they need a piece of +whipcord to bring them out right. I've no doubt but that to-night the +coach of one of the very prettiest princesses will break down and Ben +will tie it up. It would be just his luck." + +Of course it was not long before Miss Muffet sought out Rollo Halliday. + +[Illustration: _Hal cut his string_] + +"I always did like Rollo," she said. "I almost forget that he is a Youth +sometimes. The nicest thing about him is that you always know what he +means. He always tells you where he is and how he got there, without +skipping anything that you ought to know. When he goes into a room, he +goes through the door, opening and shutting the door just as you +expected. He isn't at all like Humpty Dumpty. I don't think I ever knew +two persons more different. There was only one time when he puzzled me. +When he went to Europe, and they told him how the French did things, +'Rollo laughed long and loud.' It was so unusual. I read it over and +over, but I couldn't tell what he laughed at. I think he might have +explained, but I suppose he forgot." + +It certainly was a pleasant thing to see Rollo surrounded by a group of +kindred spirits. They were the healthiest and happiest Youths in the +company, for they had lived a great deal in the open air, and had kept +their eyes open. + +Rollo was engaged in a dispute with little Francis about the comparative +merits of New England and a Desert Island for farming. Jonas said +little, but what he did say carried great weight. + +Rollo expressed himself as highly pleased with the Symposium. He was +sorry that there was not time for a paper on "The New Boy" and a +discussion of the question, "Are not the Young Growing Younger?" He said +he had seen some dangerous tendencies in that direction. + +Having said this, Rollo walked to the other side of the room, and having +found a settee, sat down on it. + +Scarcely had Rollo sat down when Miss Muffet saw a little girl whose +face was very familiar. + +[Illustration: "_I don't think I ever knew two persons more different_"] + +"You are Rosamond, aren't you? And once you bought a beautiful purple +jar instead of shoes, even though your old shoes had holes in them?" + +"It was a youthful indiscretion," said Rosamond, "and I have learned a +lesson from it." + +"It was just lovely. Any one can have shoes, but a purple jar is +something one dreams about: it's almost as good as having a party." + +Then she looked very anxiously at Rosamond and said,-- + +"I hope it didn't happen to you? Since first I read the story Miss +Edgeworth told about you and the purple jar, I couldn't get out of my +head the dreadful lines with which she begins,-- + + 'O teach her while your lessons last + To judge the future by the past, + The mind to strengthen and anneal + While on the stithy glows the steel.' + +It seemed such a dreadful thing to have your mind annealed, and you so +little. I'm sure it's something uncomfortable. And then how hard it was +for your mamma to make you _choose_ to do all the unpleasant things. I +don't mind doing them when I'm told to, but to have to choose them +rumples up my mind. That must have been an awful time when you had to +choose a needle-book instead of that funny stone plum that you could +have fooled the boys with." + +"But Mamma wanted to train me to be a Free Moral Agent," said Rosamond. + +"I don't like agents," said Miss Muffet, and then she was sorry that she +had been so rude. "I mean I don't believe in being one till one is more +grown up. And now that we are talking about it, maybe you could tell me +what the other line means,-- + + 'While on the stithy glows the steel.'" + +[Illustration: "_You dear little Rosamond_"] + +"A stithy," said Rosamond, "is a kind of blacksmith shop." + +"Now I know what every word means," said Miss Muffet, "but what was it +all about?" + +"It was poetry." + +"I suppose that this evening you had to choose between the Symposium and +the rest of the party where they don't have papers? And you are glad you +chose the Symposium?" + +"No, I'm not," said Rosamond impulsively. + +"You dear little Rosamond!" cried Miss Muffet, throwing her arms about +her. "The annealing's come off. Now let's go where there's music." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VII] + + +As she returned from the Symposium, Miss Muffet was compelled to pass +through some of the more remote parts of the palace, and whom should she +see but the Caliph Haroun al Raschid, whom she recognized at once +because he was in full disguise. He had no sooner come to the party than +he had begun to poke around in search of adventures, as was his habit. +At length he found two little girls engaged in a violent quarrel over a +lamb. One was beating the other over the head with a crook, and accusing +her of theft. This was just what the Caliph was after, and summoning the +girls before him, he prepared to try the case. The younger girl, whose +name was Mary, testified that the lamb had followed her to school. The +elder girl, known as Bo-Peep, stated that on that same day she had lost +her whole flock of sheep. + +"This is a strange coincidence," said Haroun al Raschid: "one girl loses +her sheep and another has one in her possession. There is a great +mystery here that must be looked into. Appear before me to-morrow, +little girls, and tell me your stories." And then he added, with a +terrible frown and an expressive glance at the executioner,--"And be +sure, little girls, that your stories are interesting." + +Miss Muffet had hoped to have a long quiet talk with Haroun al Raschid +and to ask him ever so many questions. But when she saw the executioner +she changed her mind, and she felt, too, that the Caliph was more used +to asking questions than to answering them. + +It was a great relief, therefore, to see a Dervish sitting on the floor, +as if he had all the time in the world. He didn't seem in the least +afraid of Haroun al Raschid; for Dervishes are great people in their way +and have no need of being afraid of anybody. + +[Illustration: _One was beating the other_] + +"Good-evening, Mr. Dervish, may I sit down by you and have a little talk +about dervishry?" + +[Illustration: _A little talk about dervishry_] + +The Dervish said something she didn't quite understand about not talking +shop on social occasions. "However," he added, "I will be glad to tell +about my neighbors; that will be more polite." This suited Miss Muffet +just as well. + +"It's what I really want to hear about," she said. "Dervishry must be +very hard work when you do it well, but it gives you a chance to meet +all the interesting people. Let me see; you have a bowl, and you sit +under a palm-tree by a well, and then the Calendars and Cadis and Muftis +and Merchants and Mendicants and the ladies of Bagdad come and ask you +questions, and when they put things in your bowl you answer them?" + +The Dervish said that that would be against the rule. + +"Oh, I remember. You look wise and tell them to come again to-morrow. +The next day they come again, and you tell them which camel was blind in +one eye and where their lovers are. That is very wonderful." + +The Dervish said that was the easiest part of it. The hardest thing was +to look wiser than the Muftis. + +[Illustration: _An expressive glance at the executioner_] + +Very soon they were having a delightful talk about all the great +personages Miss Muffet had always admired at a distance, but the Dervish +had known them intimately and could tell all their weak points, which +were not in the books. Indeed, Miss Muffet was surprised to find how +many mistakes the books had in them, all because the persons who made +them hadn't taken the trouble to talk with the Dervish. Almost all the +numbers were wrong. + +"There weren't forty thieves, there were only thirty-nine. I counted +them myself." + +"But didn't everything else happen as I was told?" asked Miss Muffet; +"and didn't it come out as it is in the book?" + +The Dervish admitted this, but said that that wasn't the important part: +the important part was to count straight. + +A remarkable discovery was that all the famous people had brothers, and +the brothers were always the ones who ought to have been famous, but +every one forgot about them. + +"There is Aladdin, he's a greatly overrated man. I could tell you some +curious things I learned about him. I know they are true, for they were +told to me in confidence. People admire him because they think he is so +lucky. Now if it had been his brother! He came over from China and used +to sit by the day under my palm-tree talking about the chances he had +just missed. They were truly marvelous. He missed more chances than +Aladdin ever dreamed of, but nobody ever writes about him." + +"Perhaps they don't know about him," said Miss Muffet. + +"That's the injustice of it." + +"Speaking of brothers, did you ever find out why it is that the third +one is always the wisest? I asked one of the North Country princes about +it just now, and he bowed and said he thanked me for the compliment, but +he was no philosopher. It doesn't matter where it is, in the Red Fairy +Book or the Green Fairy Book or any color, the third is always the +charm, and it seems very much the same way in your country. The oldest +brother is always vain and selfish, and when he goes into the forest, +always does the very thing he was told not to. And the second brother is +selfish, and stupider, for he ought to know better when his brother +doesn't come back and there are so many witches around. Then it comes to +the third brother, and I never expect anything of him because he is so +little and his stepmother has kept him back, but he turns out splendid. +Did you ever meditate on that, Mr. Dervish?" + +The Dervish said that he had meditated on it for a great many years, and +had at last come to the conclusion that it was a law of nature. + +"I am so glad to know that," said Miss Muffet, "for it has always +troubled me." + +[Illustration: _Aladdin's brother and the Dervish_] + +The Dervish remarked that when one was troubled by that kind of +questions, it was always better to consult a wise man at once. It was +not safe to let the case run on. + +"There's another thing I should like to ask about. Since I first read of +the Three Royal Mendicants, I've always wondered what a Mendicant is. I +know he must be very proud and great, but what does he do? The +Mendicants are here this evening, but I don't like to ask them; it might +seem rude." + +Then the Dervish explained about the Mendicants, and seemed so familiar +with their way of life that Miss Muffet suspected that he might have +been one himself. He explained too about the Calendars. + +The time passed so rapidly that Miss Muffet would have talked with him +all the evening, had he not at last said that he feared he was +monopolizing the attention of his hostess; besides, it was about time +for him to do some more meditating. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VIII] + + +There was a surprise at the party that delighted many of the young +people. Old Mr. Esop passed through the hall, distributing handbills, +announcing that, at immense expense, he had brought from Greece his +unparalleled aggregation of Fables, which would now be open for +exhibition in a grand pavilion just outside the south door of the +palace. Out of compliment to Miss Muffet's party, admission to the +Fables would be free, though ten cents would be charged to those who +remained to the Morals,--which, I am sorry to say, very few did. Some of +the Fables were unusually terrifying, such as the Lions and the hungry +Wolves, and Miss Muffet was glad to see what strong bars there were to +their cages. But a number of the Fables, having been for a long time on +exhibition, had become quite tame, and walked about conversing so +amiably that the youngest children felt no apprehension. + +It was while Mr. Esop was engaged in attaching the Morals to the Fables +that Miss Muffet caught sight for the first time of Uncle Remus and the +Little Boy. Mr. Esop was pointing out the Hare asleep by the wayside +while the Tortoise was coming gayly down the home stretch, and he was +about to exhibit the Moral when Uncle Remus broke out with a hearty +laugh. + +"You don't fool dis chile, does you, honey? Brer Rabbit he sometime play +'possum, but he sleep wid one eye open; he not let hisself be beat by a +triflin' mud turtle. Jess when Brer Turtle thinks he's thar, Brer +Rabbit'll give a jump, an' Brer Turtle'll find he's jess in time to be +too late. Oh! I know Brer Rabbit's owdacious ways." But still the Hare +slept while the Tortoise came deliberately over the line. Then Uncle +Remus cried out with infinite scorn, "Come along, little boy; dat ain't +worth shucks; dat ain't Brer Rabbit, nohow. I 'low dat rabbit's +stuffed." + +"But, Uncle Remus," said Miss Muffet, "perhaps you will like the Fables +better when you get acquainted with them. I'm sure they have always +borne a good reputation. And now I should like to introduce you to Mr. +Esop; it's such a pleasure to bring together people of the same tastes. +Mr. Esop, allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Remus. I am sure that you +will feel a common interest in Zooelogy." + +Miss Muffet felt a little frightened at making such a formal speech, but +she knew that she was showing the quality called "tact," which is +something very useful in a hostess. To tell one's guests what they are +expected to talk about is often a great convenience to them. + +But Mr. Esop, the moment he heard the name, drew back with an air that +was quite chilling and businesslike. + +"Another of those early Romans out of a job! He has just discovered that +he is a Fable and is looking for a situation." Then turning to Uncle +Remus he said, "I'm very particular about my Fables, and I want +everything straight and plain so that parents may have no hesitation in +bringing their children. I don't like to mix up Myths with my Fables, +for the chances are that the Mythical Personage, instead of having a +Moral, may turn out to be only a Sign of the Zodiac. This is always +confusing to the Public. I suppose, Mr. Remus, that you have brought Mr. +Romulus with you. In the case of twins, I give no consideration, if I'm +offered only a broken lot. I must have the full set, Mr. Remus." + +[Illustration: "_I must have the full set_"] + +Uncle Remus's feelings would have been much hurt if he had not at that +moment caught sight of Mowgli accompanied by Baloo and Bagheera. Just +how it happened Miss Muffet could never find out, but before she had +time to introduce them they had become fast friends, and Uncle Remus +only chuckled when she asked him if she might have the pleasure of +making them acquainted. + +"Nebber you mind 'bout us, we mus' hab met befo'. I disremember whar, +but it mus' hab been somewhar down de big road." + +And the old man laughed at the thought that there ever was a time when +he didn't know Mowgli. + +At the mention of the big road Mowgli began to sing the "Road Song of +the Bandar-log." It was a very strange song, and not at all like those +that her music teacher taught her, but for all that Miss Muffet felt +that it was just the kind of a song she would sing if she were a +Bandar-log. + +Uncle Remus was in an ecstasy, and the Little Boy shouted for joy. Every +one praised it except Sandford and Merton, who said that it didn't give +any useful information except that monkeys had tails, a fact which was +already well known, being mentioned in all the Natural History books. +For their part, when it came to poetry they preferred some fine passages +in Dr. Young's "Night Thoughts." + +A great many boys and girls who were on their way to the pavilion had +remained outside listening to a pleasant gentleman who was telling them +anecdotes about the Wild Animals he had known. + +[Illustration: _Telling anecdotes_] + +This troubled Mr. Esop, who, though an excellent man, was inclined to be +jealous. Miss Muffet went out to remind the children of the Morals, but +in a little while she became as interested as the rest of them. + +"His way of talking is different from Mr. Esop's, but I am not sure but +he may be right. At any rate, I am glad to hear some one who speaks +respectfully about animals, and who doesn't say anything behind their +backs that he wouldn't say to their faces. He always remembers that they +are persons and have feelings. Then when they do things, he doesn't +blame them or call them bad names. That's one thing I don't like about +Mr. Esop. He isn't quite fair, and he is always accusing them of Folly." + +"It's remarkable how small the world is, after all," said the pleasant +gentleman, when more than a score of persons told him that the Wild +Animals he had known were among their most intimate acquaintances, and +that they had met them under a great many different circumstances. Then +followed a good deal of gossip about their family life and the way they +got their living. Miss Muffet was glad to hear that they were all so +kind to their children, but the way they got their living troubled her. +She remembered what the spider said, that "business is business," but +that didn't make it seem any more kind. + +"It's the Law of the Jungle," said Mowgli; and then he recited the law +word for word just as he had learned it. + +"Can't they change it?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"The Jungle people can't. It's too strong for them." + +From this the conversation drifted to hunting for sport. The pleasant +gentleman who knew so many animals personally didn't like it. The Boy +Hunters, who had spent a great deal of time in the woods, didn't agree +with him. They said that the proper way to become acquainted with +animals was to carry a gun. It showed that you entered into the spirit +of the thing. They fancied that it was good for wild animals to be +hunted; in fact, that was what kept them wild. + +Miss Muffet didn't think that was a very good reason, though it sounded +logical; and she asked several of the Animals what they thought about +it. + +[Illustration: "_It all depends on grammar_"] + +A Duck, a Dodo, a Lory, and an Eaglet, who had come with Alice from +Wonderland, were the nearest, and she asked them first, but they refused +to answer on the ground that they never had thoughts so late in the +evening. The Lory said that he had one at home, but he had forgotten to +bring it. + +"You can't make anything out of these Wonderland creatures," said Miss +Muffet. "I can't really feel that they are animals I have known, though +of course I know their names." + +When Bagheera was asked his opinion, he only growled that it was all in +the day's work. But wise old Baloo answered:-- + +"It all depends on grammar." + +This made every one look very solemn, for they realized now that it was +a serious matter. + +"First Person, Singular, I hunt. Second Person, Thou huntest. Third +Person, He or She hunts. So long as you confine it to the First Person, +it's proper and right. When you go beyond that, it's carrying it too +far. When you get to the Second Person, that's where the danger comes +in." + +This was such sound sense that they all agreed to it, though Mr. Wolf +declared that the First Person, Plural, seemed to him to be more +sociable. + +"Does it make any difference about the moods and tenses?" asked Miss +Muffet. + +"Passive--First Person, Singular, I am hunted." + +There was a general cry of horror. "What a dreadful point of view!" said +the Dodo; "it makes me shiver to think about it." + +Even the wildest animals agreed that it was atrocious. What was most +remarkable was that the Boy Hunters, who had been on the Orinoco and the +Congo and all the most dangerous places, admitted that they had the same +feelings. + +"There's a limit beyond which hunting is not true sport. It should not +be allowed to go as far as the First Person, Singular, in the Passive." + +"I'm so glad that you agree about it," said Miss Muffet. "I knew you +would when you came to understand one another. That's the great good of +being at parties; it makes us feel that we are all more alike than we +thought." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter IX] + + +When Miss Muffet began to be a little tired, Mr. Spider asked her to +take a stroll with him into the open air. So he led her through a low +archway which brought them at last into the Child's Garden of Verses. + +"We had to make the entrance quite small," he said apologetically, "to +keep out the big boys. They run over everything, and we should have to +put up those horrid signs,'Keep off the Verses.'" + +[Illustration: _Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_] + +"I am so glad that you have brought me into the garden where I can see +the verses growing. Mamma told me that people make verses just as they +make the flowers on her bonnet. But I like the kind that grow, don't +you, Mr. Spider?" + +Mr. Spider said that he was no judge of poetry, but he was inclined to +be of her opinion; which made Miss Muffet very happy, for she had not +been used to having people agree with her,--at least before she had a +party. + +It was very pleasant in the garden, for the noisier children had not +found it out. It was surprising how many things were in it. There was a +little river with golden sand; and the tiniest mountain, which looked as +high as the sky when you got the right point of view; and there were +ships and pirates and a beautiful cow. When you looked in the right +direction, you could see the big world stretching away much further than +the eye could reach. + +[Illustration: _He was a little prudent_] + +[Illustration: _The Rockaby Lady saying good-night_] + +Miss Muffet watched a wide-eyed little boy who was wandering about and +having such an adventurous time as never was. Everything was so great +and strange, yet he wasn't a bit afraid, only now and then when he +turned a corner he was a little prudent, as any traveler would be who +had come to the end of the world and was not sure that the next step +might not take him off the edge. But it never did, for no matter how far +he went, there was always a next step for him, as if the good Scotch +gardener who had laid out the paths had known that such a great traveler +was coming. As she left the garden she heard him singing to himself his +glad little song,-- + + "The world is so full of a number of things, + I think we should all be as happy as Kings." + +The idea of the little song was exactly the same that Miss Muffet had +had in her head for a long time, though she hadn't been able to express +it so well. Even after she came back to the company, she kept repeating +the words to herself. + +"I think the nicest part about being happy," she confided to the spider, +"is that it keeps you from being lonesome, and it makes you like such a +number of things." + +"And such a number of people," added Mr. Spider. + +"Yes; all the different kinds. It's not because they are so very pretty. +You like the queer ones too, and you are glad that the world's full of +them. There's Rumpelstiltzkin, he's not at all like anybody else, and +his features aren't regular, but I'm glad he came to the party. He's so +interesting." + +Mr. Spider was sure that if he could get every one to feel that way, it +would make life easier for the members of his own family. He agreed that +the way to keep people from being cruel was to make them happy in their +own minds. + +[Illustration: _Flew away . . . into the night_] + +"And it's such an easy way," said Miss Muffet, "I wonder that nobody has +thought of it before." + +[Illustration: _Into his overcoat pocket_] + +[Illustration: _Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance_] + +There is not time to tell of all that happened at the party. As to +refreshments, the Old Woman who lived on victuals and drink declared +that victuals and drink were nothing to the good things which Miss +Muffet had provided. Before the evening was over the Pied Piper played +so merrily that even Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance. The +Twelve Dancing Princesses said that it was the first time that they had +been able to dance as much as they liked. Before this they had had to +stop when they danced the soles off their shoes; but this evening the +spider had thoughtfully provided each one with several pairs. + +And how did it end? All of a sudden, lights out, cobweb broken, and Miss +Muffet left alone with her curds and whey? Not at all. It ended as all +good parties end. The Rockaby Lady from Hushaby Street suggested that it +was getting late. Then one by one the guests came to Little Miss Muffet +and told her what a good time they had had, and how glad they were that +Christmas comes once every year. Wynken, Blynken, and Nod sailed away in +a wooden shoe. They were such dear little fellows that Miss Muffet was +sorry that she hadn't noticed them till they came to say good-by. Mr. +Esop put out the lights in his pavilion; and the Arabians mounted their +camels and rode slowly toward Bagdad, first making the Sultana promise +to tell them a story that would last through the whole Arabian Night. +The Wonderlanders put on their queer bonnets and coats, all carefully +wrong side out; and the Man Friday hoisted his umbrella to keep the dew +off Robinson Crusoe; and Doctor Gulliver put all the Lilliputians he +could catch into his overcoat pocket; and Mother Goose flew away with +all her family into the night. The little people from the North were the +last to get away, for it took them a long time to get on their overshoes +and fur coats and mufflers, but at last they too had gone. + +[Illustration: _A long time to get on their overshoes_] + +[Illustration: _Closed her eyes_] + +"I see by the moonlight that it's almost midnight," said the spider. +"It's time for little girls to go to sleep." + +Little Miss Muffet closed her eyes very tightly indeed, but she didn't +close her ears, so she heard the first tinkle of sleigh-bells far away, +and she knew that Santa Claus was coming. + +[Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Miss Muffet's Christmas Party, by +Samuel McChord Crothers + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + +***** This file should be named 31997.txt or 31997.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/9/9/31997/ + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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