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diff --git a/31997-8.txt b/31997-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c1e5807 --- /dev/null +++ b/31997-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1977 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Miss Muffet's Christmas Party, by Samuel McChord Crothers + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Miss Muffet's Christmas Party + +Author: Samuel McChord Crothers + +Illustrator: Olive M. Long + +Release Date: April 15, 2010 [EBook #31997] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover] + +[Illustration] + + + + +By Samuel M. Crothers + + MEDITATIONS ON VOTES FOR WOMEN. + HUMANLY SPEAKING. + AMONG FRIENDS. + BY THE CHRISTMAS FIRE. + THE PARDONER'S WALLET. + THE ENDLESS LIFE. + THE GENTLE READER. + OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES: THE AUTOCRAT AND HIS FELLOW + BOARDERS. With Portrait. + MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY. Illustrated. + + + HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY + BOSTON AND NEW YORK + + + + +MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY + +[Illustration: _A visitor came_ (page 4)] + + + + +MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY + +BY + +SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS + +ILLUSTRATIONS BY OLIVE M. LONG + + BOSTON AND NEW YORK + HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY + The Riverside Press Cambridge + + + + + COPYRIGHT 1902 BY SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS + ALL RIGHTS RESERVED + + _Published November, 1902_ + + + + + TO MARGERY + BECAUSE, AMONG OTHER THINGS, + WE LIKE THE SAME PEOPLE + +[Illustration] + + + + +LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS + + + PAGE + + _A visitor came_ (_page 4_) Frontispiece + _Chapter Heading_ 1 + _Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book_ 2 + _To meditate on the passage of time_ 3 + _The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on_ 4 + _Fairly jumped off her tuffet_ 6 + _Chapter Heading_ 8 + _They sat down_ 9 + _Every town crier in England_ 13 + _The blighted being_ 15 + _Chapter Heading_ 18 + _Miss Muffet closed her eyes_ 19 + _She could catch glimpses of travelers_ 20 + _Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind_ 21 + _Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland_ 23 + "_This is the main caravan road to Bagdad_" 25 + _Elves_ 28 + _The woods were full of merry little people_ 29 + _An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked_ 31 + _Chapter Heading_ 32 + _Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people_ 33 + _Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp_ 37 + "_Listening . . . is hard on the eyes_" 39 + _Chapter Heading_ 44 + _The shyest persons in the room_ 45 + _Scampering off into the dark_ 47 + _Chapter Heading_ 54 + "_I am sorry to be so late_" 55 + _Hal cut his string_ 63 + "_I don't think I ever knew two persons more different_" 65 + "_You dear little Rosamond_" 67 + _Chapter Heading_ 69 + _One was beating the other_ 71 + _A little talk about dervishry_ 73 + _An expressive glance at the executioner_ 75 + _Aladdin's brother and the Dervish_ 79 + _Chapter Heading_ 82 + "_I must have the full set_" 85 + _Telling anecdotes_ 87 + "_It all depends on grammar_" 89 + _Chapter Heading_ 92 + _Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_ 93 + _He was a little prudent_ 96 + _The Rockaby Lady saying good-night_ 97 + _Flew away . . . into the night_ 100 + _Into his overcoat pocket_ 101 + _Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance_ 103 + _A long time to get on their overshoes_ 105 + _Closed her eyes_ 106 + _Tail Piece_ 107 + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter I] + + +'Twas the night before Christmas, and it was very quiet in Mrs. Muffet's +house,--altogether too quiet, thought little Miss Muffet, as she sat +trying to eat her curds and whey. For Mrs. Muffet was a very severe +mother and had her own ideas about bringing up children,--and so had Mr. +Muffet, or rather he had the same ideas, only warmed over. One of these +was on the necessity of care in the diet of growing children. "First," +said Mrs. Muffet, "we must find out what the children don't like, and +then we must make them eat plenty of it; next to breaking their wills, +there is nothing so necessary as breaking their appetites." Mrs. Muffet +had read this in a book, and so she knew it must be true; and Mr. Muffet +had heard Mrs. Muffet say it so many times that he knew it was true. + +[Illustration: _Mrs. Muffet had read this in a book_] + +So every morning little Miss Muffet had three courses: first, curds and +whey; second, whey and curds; third, curdled whey. She had the same +things for the other meals, but the order was changed about. An +experienced housekeeper tells me that the third course is impossible to +prepare, as whey cannot be curdled. All I have to say is that this +housekeeper had not known Mrs. Muffet. Mrs. Muffet could curdle +anything. But the worst days of the year for little Miss Muffet were the +holidays, for they were occasions that had to be improved. Now for a +little girl to improve an occasion is about the hardest work she can do, +especially when she doesn't know how. If she had been left to herself, +Miss Muffet wouldn't have improved them at all, but would have left them +in their natural state. + +[Illustration: _To meditate on the passage of time_] + +"Christmas," said Mrs. Muffet in her most economical tone, "comes but +once a year, so we must make it go as far as possible. The best way for +a child to do that is to sit and meditate. You've no idea how long a +holiday seems till you sit still and think about it. Count sixty, that +will be just one minute, and another, and another, and then +another--sixty times one, and then sixty times that, and then +twenty-four times that makes--well--it makes--the exact number doesn't +matter much," said Mrs. Muffet, who wasn't quick at mental arithmetic, +"but you'll see that there are quite a considerable number of seconds in +Christmas Day--quite enough for any growing child." So at Christmas time +Mrs. Muffet would go out to visit the neighbors, leaving the little girl +seated on a very uncomfortable tuffet, to meditate on the passage of +time. + +[Illustration: _The kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on_] + +Perhaps some of you would like to know what a tuffet is. I have thought +of that myself, and have taken the trouble to ask several learned +persons. They assure me that the most complete and satisfactory +definition is,--a tuffet is the kind of thing that Miss Muffet sat on. +With this explanation I shall go on with my story. As she sat on her +tuffet counting up the seconds of Christmas Eve, and had already reached +the sum of two thousand one hundred and seven, a strange thing happened. +A visitor came and sat down beside her. You guess who he was? Yes--an +elderly, benevolent spider. He was short-sighted and wore green +spectacles, and had evidently a little rheumatism in his legs, but as he +had eight of them, he managed to get along very well. + +Now the way you may have heard the story is that when the kind old +spider sat down beside her, it frightened Miss Muffet away. That story +must be true because I myself have seen it in print, but it happened at +another time, when Miss Muffet was very little indeed. + +On the Christmas Eve I am telling about, she had become a very sensible +little girl, and knew all about spiders, so instead of running away, she +made room for him on the tuffet and said, "I am very glad to see you, +Mr. Spider." Mr. Spider bowed and looked at her in a kindly way through +his spectacles, but said nothing. + +"I hope your family are all well; I mean the family Arachnida, +sub-order, I forget the name. We've enjoyed dissecting those we could +get; and you deserve a great deal of credit for the curious way in which +you are put together, with your funny thorax and everything." + +"Let's change the subject, Miss," said the spider, moving toward the +further side of the tuffet. "This is Christmas Eve." + +[Illustration: _Fairly jumped off her tuffet_] + +"Yes," answered Miss Muffet wearily. "Sixty seconds make a minute; sixty +minutes make an hour. Even Christmas Eve will come to an end some time; +but what's the good? For then Christmas will come, and that will _never_ +get through." + +"What do you say to a party?" + +Miss Muffet fairly jumped off her tuffet, for she had never had a party +in her life. "Who will invite the people?" + +"I will," said the spider. + +"But do you think any one will come if _you_ invite them?" + +"Why not?" + +"Oh! I was just thinking; some people are such 'fraid-cats; and then, +you know, once, one of your family invited the fly to walk into his +parlor. I don't believe the story one bit, but then, you know, Mr. +Spider, it caused talk." + +Mr. Spider positively blushed green. "If you have no objection, let's +change the subject again. Business is business; as for flies, there is a +difference of opinion about them, and we can't all live on curds and +whey, Miss Muffet. But this is to be your party, and we should not +invite flies but folks. How would you like to have a literary party, and +invite all the people you've read about?" + +"How delightful!" cried Miss Muffet gleefully. "What a dear old spider +you are!" + +"Let's write the invitations immediately," said Mr. Spider, taking out +of his pocket a ream of the most delicate cobweb paper. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter II] + + +They sat down with their heads very close together, and such a number of +letters you never saw as Miss Muffet and the spider wrote. Some of them +were very informal, like those beginning "Dear Little Bo-Peep" and "Dear +Red Riding-Hood." They said, "Won't you come to a party at my house? +We're going to have games." Others were very formal like that addressed +to + + The Reverend Swiss Robinson and Family, + Tent House, + Desert Island, + +stating that "Miss Muffet requests the pleasure of your company," etc. +Then there were letters addressed to Wonderland and Back of the North +Wind, and to Lilliput and the Land where the Jumblies Live, and to all +sorts of places which are to be found only on the best maps, and are not +in the school geographies at all. + +Mr. Spider was very careful and businesslike, and insisted that Miss +Muffet should always put down the exact address, for it would never do +to have any of the letters go to the dead-letter office. Sometimes, +however, they were puzzled to find the right direction. + +[Illustration: _They sat down_] + +"Shall I address this letter to Norwich or the Moon?" asked Miss Muffet, +handing him an envelope. + +"Ah!" said the spider, "this is a difficult case; it's hard to reach +these traveling men. Here is a gentleman residing in the Moon, who +suddenly sets out for Norwich without leaving his address. Better direct +the letter to 'Norwich, General Delivery,' and write in the upper left +hand corner, 'If not called for in five minutes, forward to the Moon.'" + +"And I suppose that Gloucester is Dr. Foster's address? That is where I +last heard of him." + +"No; I'm afraid we shall have to give the doctor up. He is a very +peculiar man and took a prejudice against the town, and vowed he would +never go that way again." + +"Oh, yes, I remember," said Miss Muffet; "it was because he didn't like +the way they kept the roads." + +It was a difficult matter to get the correct titles for all the princes +and princesses of Fairyland, and to learn the names of all the crowned +heads. Of course, where their names were in the Court Directory it was +easy enough, for the spider had a huge volume at his elbow; but he said +that it was far from complete. All the giant-killers and the young men +who married the kings' daughters were in it, but the kings themselves +were often forgotten. + +"'A certain king had three daughters,'" said Miss Muffet; "that's all +that I know about him, but he ought to be invited. The postman will want +to know which 'Certain King' it is, and what he's king of." + +"The best way to do," said the spider, "would be to address a hundred +letters, each to 'A Certain King,' asking His Majesty to honor your +party with his presence, and to bring with him a 'Certain Queen.' Then +whenever the messenger comes across a king without any particular name +he can give him an invitation. If you want to be more definite, you may +address each letter to 'A Certain Kingdom.'" + +"But he has usually given away half of his kingdom." + +"That's true," said the spider; "you had better address it to 'The Other +Half.'" + +Miss Muffet was troubled about the persons who had only lately risen in +life. + +"There is Dumbling, who went out to chop wood, and the dwarf gave him a +golden goose that made everything stick to it. The king's daughter in +that certain kingdom had been so serious that the king had offered her +to any one who would make her laugh; and when she saw Dumbling with the +goose under his arm and the maids and the parson and all the rest +following after, she laughed outright. She didn't mean to, but she +couldn't help it. And now Dumbling is a prince, and is living happily +ever afterward. I wonder if that makes any difference in his feelings, +or if he likes to be called Dumbling." + +The spider said that it all depended on his wife. With such a serious +person as she had been one must be careful about etiquette. Because she +had laughed once was no sign that she would do it again. + +"Shall you invite any plain boys and girls who live in the Every Day +Country?" asked the spider. + +This was a hard question, for the Muffets were an old family who had +come across with Mother Goose, and at this moment Every Day Country +seemed a long way off and just a bit uninteresting. But then Miss Muffet +remembered how many kind friends she had found there, and answered,-- + +"Oh, certainly, we must send invitations to the Every Day Country, for +some of the folks there are just as good as the Dreamland people, only +of course they haven't had the same advantages." + +[Illustration: _Every town crier in England_] + +So letters were sent to Prudy and Dotty Dimple and the Bodley Family, +and to the Little Men and Little Women and Lord Fauntleroy and the rest. +A special letter was written to the little Ruggleses, and to Tiny Tim +and all the Cratchetts, for Miss Muffet knew that they were always ready +to have a good time on Christmas. A message was sent to every town crier +in England, asking him to make immediate proclamation in the streets +that if any small boy who was a Prince and a Pauper would make himself +known, he would hear something greatly to his advantage, for he was +invited to Miss Muffet's Party. + +The longest letter was that sent to Agamemnon Peterkin. Miss Muffet +wrote it very carefully, underscoring all the important parts, and +adding a map showing the way from the Peterkins' house to the palace. +She asked him to bring all the family, including the little boys. + +"I don't see how he can make a mistake," she said, "but he probably +will. They are all so ingenious. They find out how to make mistakes that +other folks would never think of." + +"What about Mr. Henty's boys?" said the spider; "there are so many of +them." + +"There seem to be a great many of them," said Miss Muffet, "but I've +sometimes thought that there may be only two, only they live in +different centuries and go to different wars. Boys can do that, can't +they, Mr. Spider, if they are very brave?" + +The spider said he thought they could without changing their characters, +but of course they would have to change their names. + +So an invitation was sent to Ronald Leslie, alias Wulf, Roger, Lionel, +Stanley, etc., On The Firing Line, Near Carthage, Quebec, Crécy, +Waterloo, Khartoum, or wherever the Enemy may be found in force. Forward +by a swift messenger, trusty and true. + +"I shouldn't wonder if they might be a little late, for they may be +taken prisoner, and it always takes them some time to escape." + +"Shall you invite any bad boys?" asked the spider. + +[Illustration: The blighted being.] + +"No," answered Miss Muffet severely, "not as a rule; but I think we +shall ask Mr. Aldrich's Bad Boy, for he is a blighted being. I think +it's our duty to have him,--and then it would be such fun. And I suppose +we ought to invite Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer to keep him company." + +"Of course you will invite all the good boys?" + +"Of course we shall invite them, as a rule. But the good boys in the +books are almost too good sometimes; don't you think so, Mr. Spider? I +mean almost too good to be true. But that reminds me; I suppose we +should invite Rollo?" + +"Yes," said the spider, "we certainly must invite Rollo; he's a worthy +lad, and of an inquiring mind." + +"Oh dear!" said Miss Muffet, tearing up the letter she had just written, +"he's so intelligent. I'll have to write very correctly or he'll +criticise the spelling; and then if I invite Rollo, I shall have to +invite Jonas, too." + +"Certainly," said the spider, "we must invite Jonas, and we must arrange +some moral amusement. Suppose in your invitation you leave out the word +'party' and ask him to attend a 'serious symposium.' How would this +do?--'Respected Sir, You are earnestly requested to attend a serious +symposium at Miss Muffet's, to meet the Rev. Swiss Robinson and other +persons interested in the education of youth. The Little Old Woman who +lived in a Shoe will preside. There will be a number of papers, to be +followed by a discussion.'" + +"How good that is! Jonas would so love a discussion," said Miss Muffet. + +"Shall we invite any giants?" + +"No; I don't want to be exclusive, but we must draw the line somewhere. +Let's draw it at giants." + +"Very well," said the spider, throwing into the waste-basket the letter +he had just addressed to His Majesty the King of the Brobdingnags. + +At last the invitations were all written, and the kind old spider said, +"Now lie down, my dear, on the tuffet and close your eyes, and I will +make all the preparations and wake you in time for the party." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter III] + + +Miss Muffet closed her eyes, and had already begun to dream of curds and +whey, when all at once she was awakened and found herself in a most +wonderful palace. The walls and floors were made of the sheerest, +filmiest spider's-web, woven into a thousand delicate patterns. A soft +light shone through the tapestries, and the dewdrops on the roof +sparkled like diamonds. The music that floated in through the open +windows was not so much a sound as a part of the atmosphere. She was not +sure whether she heard it or only breathed it in. Everything was so +shimmering and so dainty that Miss Muffet might have thought that she +was dreaming had it not been for the spider, who looked so comical in +his dress-suit that she laughed outright. The moment she laughed, Miss +Muffet knew that everything was real. + +[Illustration: _Miss Muffet closed her eyes_] + +[Illustration: _She could catch glimpses of travelers_] + +[Illustration: _Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind_] + +For a minute she did not dare to trust herself on the floor, but when +she took a step she had the most delightful experience of walking on +air. She went to one of the great windows. If the palace had been +wonderful, how much more wonderful was the view from it. Far as the eye +could reach were the shining paths of spider's-web, each one leading +over hill and dale to the palace door. Now the paths were on the ground, +now with bridges from grass blade to grass blade, sometimes from tree to +tree; and far off she could see them spanning deep valleys among the +hills. By and by she could catch glimpses of travelers on the road, some +in coaches, some on foot, some on horseback, coming by twos and dozens +and scores. + +"They're coming to the party," said the spider. + +[Illustration: _Alice with all the strange friends she had found in +Wonderland_] + +Sure enough, there was Cinderella in her coach with the Prince sitting +by her side, and Tom Sawyer trying to "hitch on" behind. And there was +Alice with all the strange friends she had found in Wonderland; and a +very queer set they were, for Wonderland is rather out of the world, and +the fashions of the Wonderlanders were peculiar, and not at all like +anything Miss Muffet had ever seen before. And then how they did act! It +was a great relief to see, after the March Hare and the Cheshire Cat and +the Duchess, who were skipping along in the most extraordinary manner, +Mr. Robinson Crusoe. "He looks so solid and respectable," said Miss +Muffet, "and so English, you know." + +"Come to the east window," said the spider. + +Miss Muffet went with him and looked out on a great level road +stretching toward the sunrise. Just where it seemed to touch the sky she +could see a grove of palm-trees, and she thought she could see, beyond, +the golden domes and minarets of a city. But she was not quite sure of +this, for it might have been the clouds. A faint perfume as of rare +spices floated to her as the wind sprang up. + +"This," said the spider, "is the main caravan road to Bagdad." A golden +dust seemed to rise in the distance among the palms. At last Miss Muffet +could see a caravan. + +"Take this glass," said the spider, handing her an opera-glass. Then +Miss Muffet could see very well. There were the Sultan and the Caliph +and the Grand Vizier, and the silk merchants and the calenders, and the +princesses of every degree,--all on camels most wonderful to behold. + +[Illustration: "_This is the main caravan road to Bagdad_"] + +"Do you see the Forty Thieves?" asked the spider uneasily. "If you do, +we'd better count the spoons." + +Then Miss Muffet went to the north window, and such a sight as she saw +there! There was frost on all the roads, and snow on the far mountains, +and the great pine forest on that side came almost to the palace doors. +And such pine-trees as they were! Each one looked like a great Christmas +tree. The woods were full of merry little people, with such frosty +twinkles in their eyes that it did one good to look at them. They talked +Swedish and German and Icelandic and all sorts of queer languages, but +somehow they laughed so naturally, and were so simple and hearty, that +Miss Muffet understood every word. There were hosts of brownies and +elves and fairies, and intelligent white bears, and one or two reformed +wolves, and an old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked, and +the Marsh King and his daughters, and an old gentleman who looked so +much like Santa Claus that Miss Muffet was sure that he must be his +brother. Indeed, she could not help noticing that a great many of these +North Country folks bore a strong family resemblance to Santa +Claus,--but perhaps it was only the way they wore their beards. When she +saw them all, she was sorry that she had not invited Santa Claus +himself. She hadn't asked him, because, as she told Mr. Spider, it was +Christmas Eve, and it might seem suggestive. But the truth of the matter +was, as I suspect, that she thought he would probably drop in of his own +accord, some time in the course of the evening. + +[Illustration: _Elves_] + +[Illustration: _The woods were full of merry little people_] + +[Illustration: _An old witch who was not nearly so bad as she looked_] + +As the brisk little people from the North came up the palace steps, Miss +Muffet was sure that Hans Christian Andersen must have had a party once, +or how could he have described them so well? "Indeed," she said, "if I +didn't know what day of the month and what year it is, I should almost +think that this is 'Once upon a Time.'" + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter IV] + + +When the guests began to come in, Miss Muffet was all in a flurry for +fear she should not do her duty as a hostess; but she needn't have +worried a bit, for they were so much interested in themselves that they +paid very little attention to her. Then she had the assistance of two +widely traveled storks, who, having their summer residences in Norway +and spending their winters in Bagdad, had a great number of +acquaintances, and introduced the Orientals to the North Country people. +It was delightful to see how quickly they all became acquainted. Little +Dutch Gretchen in her wooden shoes was not at all like the Persian +Princess whom she now met for the first time, but they were soon warm +friends though they had moved in such different society. At first Miss +Muffet was afraid that the wooden shoes might spoil the spider's-web +floor; but there was no real danger of this, for the spider, knowing +that there would be a very great crowd, had made everything very strong. + +[Illustration: _Introduced the Orientals to the North Country people_] + +There was a little man in a huge bearskin coat who came from Back of the +North Wind. At first he was shy and awkward, but it was beautiful to see +how soon he was put at ease when Aladdin came up and explained to him +the virtues of his wonderful lamp. The little man said that such a lamp +must be very useful, but when it came to illuminating power it was +nothing to what he had at home, for he had an Aurora Borealis in every +room. Then the little man chuckled to himself, for he wanted every one +to know that the Back of the North Wind Country was not so uncivilized +as people supposed. + +In a corner she found a delightful group of seafaring folks. Dr. Lemuel +Gulliver was telling the story of one of his voyages. He was such a +matter-of-fact person, and so accurate about the latitude and longitude, +that Miss Muffet had the greatest confidence in him, and felt that, +though he might be mistaken in regard to the main points, all the +details happened exactly as he said. His story reminded Sindbad the +Sailor of something that had happened to him. He told his story in a +charming oriental way, but without a touch of exaggeration. + +"That would have spoiled it," said Miss Muffet to Baron Munchausen, who +was standing by. "Don't you like simplicity, Baron?" + +The Baron bowed in a courtly, old-fashioned way, and said that he was +inordinately fond of it. Miss Muffet heard a rippling, liquid sound +which she at first mistook for laughter, but the Baron assured her that +it was only the frozen truth beginning to thaw. This reminded him of a +little incident which was wonderful to hear. Everybody was astonished +except the Three Wise Men of Gotham. They remarked that if they were at +liberty to tell their adventures, as seafaring men, the stories that had +been told would seem quite tame; but they didn't feel at liberty, and +only looked at each other so wisely that Miss Muffet wondered whether +any persons could really be as wise as they looked. + +[Illustration: _Aladdin explains the virtues of his lamp_] + +A sturdy, round-faced man stood just behind the group, but took no part +in the conversation. Whenever Sindbad was talking he became so excited +that his eyes seemed almost to pop out of his head, but he quieted down +as soon as any one else began. After a time Sindbad came over to him, +and taking out his purse, gave him a handful of gold pieces. + +"A hundred sequins?" asked Miss Muffet. + +[Illustration: "_Listening . . . is hard on the eyes_"] + +"Yes," said the round-faced man, "that's my regular wages." + +"It must be a very large amount." + +He said he had no complaint to make, though a sequin didn't go so far in +Bagdad as it once did, and he had to spend a great deal in clothes. + +"I knew the minute I saw you that you must be Hindbad the Porter." + +"I used to be a porter before I became a professional listener. +Listening isn't so hard on the back as portering, but it requires more +attention and the hours are longer; that is, they seem longer. Besides, +it's hard on the eyes." + +"You mean on the ears," suggested Miss Muffet. + +"No! on the eyes; you have to look interested." + +"Oh! I understand," said Miss Muffet. "When first I heard about your +being invited to dinner at Sindbad's and listening to his first tale, it +seemed the very nicest thing in the world. And how unexpected it was, +after you had enjoyed it, for him to hand you a hundred sequins and say, +'Take this, Hindbad, and return to your home, and come back to-morrow +and hear more of my adventures.' Weren't you surprised to hear a story +and get a hundred sequins besides?" + +Hindbad said that he was surprised at first, but after a day or two he +began to look at it more in a business way. He had always made it a rule +to be thorough, for whatever was worth doing was worth doing well, and +he determined to be the very best listener in Bagdad. + +"You see, in my country, we have a great many gentlemen who gain wealth +by having adventures. When they come back from their shipwrecks, they +naturally want to tell about them; but there's so much competition that +it's hard to get a hearing. When they meet with people, like those +horrid Wise Men of Gotham, who prefer their own shipwrecks, they go into +a decline." + +His eyes filled with tears, and Miss Muffet was sure that he was one of +the most sympathetic men in the world. + +"Now I had a great advantage," he went on; "I never had a shipwreck of +my own, so that I could not be reminded of something that would make me +interrupt. And then it is easy for me to have a story seem strange. I +seem to have a natural gift for it. Any one can be surprised the first +time he hears an adventure, but if one is to become a professional +listener he must cultivate the habit of being surprised. Now that story +about the roc's egg grows upon me; indeed it does! I don't think I +appreciated it at first. That's the way with all big things; it's some +time before you take them in. Even Mr. Sindbad says that it didn't seem +as big when he saw it as it does now when he remembers it. And whenever +I hear about those huge serpents it makes me shudder, and I ask Mr. +Sindbad to hurry on and tell me that he really did get away from them. I +can't stand the suspense. The cannibals are frightful creatures, Miss +Muffet; they say they eat people. Mr. Sindbad has a perfect genius for +having accidents. They come in the most unexpected places. And then he +escapes. I sometimes think that is the most wonderful part of it." + +"Do you think a little girl who studied hard could learn your profession +and practice in Bagdad?" asked Miss Muffet timidly. "You know I wouldn't +ask for wages; I would do it just for the love of it." + +Hindbad frowned darkly. "It would never do, Miss Muffet! I can't have +little girls coming over on the banks of the Tigris and taking the bread +out of the mouths of my family." + +But when he saw that Miss Muffet was beginning to cry, he changed his +tone and said, "I am sure you meant no harm, only you didn't understand +about the wages. You could easily earn a hundred sequins at listening, +and it isn't so hard to learn when you are young. I would give that much +myself to have you listen to a queer thing that happened to me once in +Bagdad. I've never told it before, for I never found any one who looked +interested. It was in one of the narrowest streets down by the +water-side, and it was on the darkest night of the year, when"-- + +Just then the spider came to take Miss Muffet away to meet some children +who came from The Golden Age. Their names were Harold and Edward and +Charlotte, and they said they had an Aunt Maria, who had stayed at home +because she had not been invited to the party. They had walked all the +way along the Roman Road, which made the spider think that they must be +tired. In this he was mistaken; though they said that they were ready +for the refreshments. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter V] + + +The Golden Age children said that they didn't like to play with grown +folks; after people got to be thirty or ninety they thought they became +very uninteresting, and didn't have the right kind of feelings; unless +they were Princes and went on adventures. + +Miss Muffet didn't agree with this because some of her best friends were +elderly peasants whose faces were all puckered up because they had been +smiling for so many years. She wished, though, that they were not so +shy. + +[Illustration: _The shyest persons in the room_] + +"I suppose it's because they are not used to going to parties; neither +am I, for that matter, but then I'm not so much used as they are to +_not_ going." + +Perhaps the shyest persons in the room were an old German shoemaker and +his wife, whom Miss Muffet had for a long time loved and admired, though +they had not known it. Indeed, they didn't know that any one was ever +admired unless he had found a pot of gold or done something equally +praiseworthy. The shoemaker had never done anything but make shoes, and +his wife did the cooking and made the clothes for the family. When they +received the invitation to the party, they were greatly astonished and +thought it must be a mistake, but the village priest, who read the +letter, told them that it was certainly intended for them, though why +they were invited was a mystery. When the priest told them that it was a +mystery, they knew that it was so, and came along bowing and curtsying +as if all the persons they met were their betters, though really only +one or two were half so good. Miss Muffet ran to them and put her hands +in theirs. + +[Illustration: _Scampering off into the dark_] + +"I have just loved you since the time I heard what you did for the +little elves who used to come at night after you had gone to bed and +finish your work for you. Some people take what's done for them and +think no more about it except that they're lucky; but you sat up till +midnight and peeped into the room where the elves were working, and saw +that they didn't have enough clothes to keep them warm. Then you made +each one a shirt and a coat and waistcoat and a pair of trousers and a +little pair of shoes. What fun it must have been, next night, to watch +them putting on their things and scampering off into the dark. I never +heard of elves being dressed up like that." + +The shoemaker and his wife laughed heartily as they remembered how funny +the elves were. The wife confessed that the garments didn't fit closely, +though she made them like her husband's, only smaller. + +"Elves are not so square, are they?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"No," said the shoemaker's wife; "but their clothes are. That's the only +pattern I have." + +"I suppose they are coming to the party? I sent a general invitation to +Elf-land. There is to be elfin music and a frolic for them. I thought +they might like it better to have their own games. Your elves can't say +they have nothing to wear, because that wouldn't be true." + +But though she looked everywhere for them, nowhere could she see the +little elves in square coats and trousers. When the refreshments were +served, Mr. Spider noticed that everything went remarkably smoothly, and +there was more of all kinds of provisions than he had ordered. He said +he had no doubt but that the little elves were helping in the kitchen. + +"It would be just like them; the little dears!" said Miss Muffet. + +The shoemaker felt very much more at home when he met a young fellow +named Hans who had come from the same village. He was not the Hans who +married Grettel, but the one whom Miss Muffet had often heard of because +he traded a horse for a cow, the cow for a pig, the pig for a goose, and +so on, all the way home. This caused a good deal of talk in the +neighborhood, and some of the villagers thought he wasn't much of a +business man. + +Hans, however, was perfectly satisfied with himself, and was quite ready +to talk. + +"The secret of being a trader," he said, "is to be quick about it. You +must not stop to think: that's where you lose time. If I had stopped to +think, I should have brought the horse home with me, and I might have +had it on my hands yet. There are ever so many people grumbling about +the care of their property; they say it is a burden to them. I tell them +that it's all their own fault. If they kept their eyes open, they would +find plenty of ways of getting rid of it." + +Hans had such a shrewd twinkle in his eyes that Miss Muffet felt sure +that he would always get the best of a bargain, no matter how it turned +out. + +While Hans was talking, she noticed a little man who looked like a +tailor. + +"Didn't you start on a journey once," she asked, "with only a piece of +cheese and an old hen in your wallet?" + +"Yes," he answered; "but that was a good while ago." + +"I thought you must be the one. And you fooled the giant, and when he +squeezed a stone till water came out of it, you squeezed your cheese +till the whey ran out, and he thought your cheese was a stone, and that +you squeezed harder than he did. And he never saw through any of your +tricks, though I should have thought that even a giant would have +suspected. Are all giants so stupid?" + +The tailor said that not all of them were so stupid, though fortunately +a great many were, and generally when they grew beyond a certain size, +something happened to their heads. + +"If it weren't for that, Miss Muffet, there would be no room for us +common people on the earth. The giants would eat up everything. Now and +then there is a young giant like Thumbling who is active and keeps his +wits about him. But Thumbling was very little to begin with. Most giants +get foolish when they grow up, and then we can put an end to them." + +When the talk got upon giants, it was astonishing to see what an eager +crowd gathered around the tailor. There were some knights in armor who +listened unconcernedly, for they knew that giants could do them no harm; +but it was different with the tailors and fishermen and ploughmen. They +had suffered so much that they could not speak of a giant without +bitterness. + +"But aren't there good giants?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"I never heard of one," said the tailor, "except Christopher, and he is +a saint and learned how to fast. It isn't a question of their being +good: the trouble with them is that they are too big. It takes too much +to support them. They eat us out of house and home. We can't get along +peaceably till we are all more of a size." + +They were all of that opinion, and the stories which they applauded were +of the kind where a little man gets the better of a big one. Miss Muffet +could not object to this, because it was the kind she liked best +herself. + +"I never have been so much afraid of giants," she said, "since I learned +about their diseases. They are not nearly so strong as they look. There +was Giant Despair,--'in sunshiny weather he fell into fits.' It was +while he was having a fit, you know, that Christian and Hopeful got +away. If I were going where there were bad giants, I should go in +sunshiny weather." + +"I don't think you would have any trouble, my dear," said the shoemaker, +"for you would take the sunshine with you." + +And then he laughed to think of Giant Despair tumbling over in a fit +when he caught sight of Miss Muffet. For though the shoemaker was a very +kind man, he had no sympathy for giants. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VI] + + +There were so many interesting things going on at the party that Miss +Muffet almost forgot the Serious Symposium. When she did remember it, +she was very much troubled. + +"What will Rollo think about me for being so negligent! I invited him +particularly to come to a symposium, and now I don't even know how it is +done." + +[Illustration: "_I am sorry to be so late_"] + +The spider, however, told her that he had secured a hall up two flights, +and had arranged the chairs and a table, which were all the arrangements +necessary for a meeting. He had seen a number of serious persons going +upstairs, and he had no doubt that it was a success. + +When she reached the hall, the papers had all been read and discussed, +and the Little Old Woman, who was in the chair, was just announcing that +the next business before the house was to adjourn. + +"I am sorry to be so late," said Miss Muffet, "and to miss hearing the +papers." + +"If that's the case," said the Little Old Woman, "we will have them all +over again. The speakers will read slowly, so that the papers will go +further." + +"Oh, please don't on my account!" cried Miss Muffet, all in a tremble. +"Don't let me interfere with your adjourning. I know that must be +important business." + +The Little Old Woman said that it was the most important business of the +meeting. + +"Does it take long?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"Not if you know how to do it," said the Little Old Woman. + +"Then I will just sit down and watch it." + +The Little Old Woman rapped upon the table with a huge button-hook, and +went about the business so briskly that before Miss Muffet knew what had +happened, the meeting had adjourned. + +"Were the papers so quick?" she asked. + +"No, they weren't; papers are never that way." + +"What were they about?" + +"The white ones were about 'Child Study,' and the yellow ones were about +'Obedience to Parents' and 'Not Losing Your Thimble.' The yellow ones +were the ones I knew best; I used to have them when I was a little +girl." + +"Then the white ones must be harder. Is Child Study harder than +Arithmetic?" + +"There are two kinds. One kind is where you take the children you are +acquainted with and tell what you know about them. That kind isn't so +good to make papers out of. It's too short. The other kind is where you +get at 'the Contents of the Child's Mind.' I can't say that it's harder +than Arithmetic, for it is Arithmetic, only it's further on than you've +got. It's percentage. You take eleven hundred little girls in blue +dresses and make them fill out blanks. You ask them which they like +best, chocolate caramels or peppermint drops." + +"Which _do_ they like best?" asked Miss Muffet, who had often thought +about that question herself. + +"You can't tell," answered the Little Old Woman; "all you know is the +answers: they depend on which words the little girls can spell easiest. +The chief thing is to get the percentage. Then you write a paper. If it +doesn't come out right, you ask eleven hundred little girls in pink +dresses and they answer differently. Then you have a Problem." + +"What is a Problem?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"It's something to discuss," said the Little Old Woman. + +"Why don't they ask their mothers?" + +"The mothers are too busy. Besides, their children are all exceptions. +You can't make anything out of exceptions,--there are too many of them. +If you let them in, it just musses up the Science. The best way is to +keep them out." + +"But their mothers like them," said Miss Muffet. + +"Yes; they think that they are the nicest kind." + +When she had time to look around her, Miss Muffet was surprised to see +how different the company was from that in the other parts of the +palace. + +"They look as if something had been done to them," said Miss Muffet. +"Oh! now I know who they are! They must be Youths. I've always read +about Youths in the books mamma makes me read on Sunday afternoon, but I +didn't know that they were real. Some of them look almost like boys and +girls, only less so." + +Sure enough, the room was full of Youths. They came out of the +Sunday-school books and the Fifth Readers and the Moral Tales and the +Libraries of Instructive Juvenile Literature. Some had never been out of +a book before, and found it impossible to talk in anything but the book +language. Some were evidently very good, and some were painful examples +of youthful wickedness, while others were chiefly interested in Natural +History. + +"Youths," said the Little Old Woman, "are easier to understand than boys +and girls and other young folks. Youths have habits, and each one +practices only one at a time. When they do a naughty thing, they keep on +doing it regularly; that's the way you come to know which is which. It +doesn't matter what it is, whether Vanity or Procrastination or Not +Bringing in the Wood, they keep it up till they have been made to see +the folly of it, or are given over to their evil ways. Now children are +more changeable. When I lived in a Shoe, I was driven half out of my +wits, for I never could be thorough when I reproved them, they were +always naughty in a different way. I don't believe that any one could +have got any of my children into a book; they wouldn't keep still long +enough to have their characters taken." + +Almost all the Youths were accompanied by their parents or guardians, +though some had private tutors. Two youthful persons from the eighteenth +century attracted a great deal of attention. They were Harry Sandford +and Tommy Merton. Harry was a great philosopher, and understood so +perfectly the principles of the Wedge and the Inclined Plane and the +Moral Law that it was hard to believe his friend, Mr. Barlow, who stated +that he was only six years old. Tommy, on the other hand, until his +sixth year had been quite worldly, and had held a number of erroneous +opinions. Under Harry's instruction, however, he had been much improved +and was now quite sedate and observing. + +Somehow the painful examples appealed to Miss Muffet most, for she was +very tender-hearted. There was the little criminal who once stole a pin. +Miss Muffet had always understood that a pin was the very worst thing to +steal; it had such fearful consequences. The last consequence generally +is that one is transported. And there was an example of youthful +obstinacy who wouldn't pronounce the letter G. His mother was almost +broken-hearted for fear he might take a prejudice against other letters +of the alphabet. She sat up three nights with him and spent days trying +to make him say G. + +"It shows that she was a good mother, doesn't it?" said Miss Muffet. + +"It shows that she didn't have to do her own work," replied the Little +Old Woman. + +A group of very old-fashioned children were talking together in +whispers. They were evidently anxious that no older persons should hear +them. + +"There they are at it again," said the Little Old Woman; "they are Mrs. +Opie's children. People don't know them so well now, but they used to be +notorious for telling White Lies. I have no doubt that they are doing it +now; they are exaggerating." + +"What's that?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"It's telling how large a thing is before you've measured it." + +"But what if you haven't a tape-line with you?" + +"Then you should say nothing about it." + +"There is Hal," said Miss Muffet; "I know him by the miserable piece of +string hanging out of his pocket. Hal cut his string. It was a sin and +he suffers for it. His cousin Ben untied his and has it always ready for +emergencies. All his emergencies are of that kind; they need a piece of +whipcord to bring them out right. I've no doubt but that to-night the +coach of one of the very prettiest princesses will break down and Ben +will tie it up. It would be just his luck." + +Of course it was not long before Miss Muffet sought out Rollo Halliday. + +[Illustration: _Hal cut his string_] + +"I always did like Rollo," she said. "I almost forget that he is a Youth +sometimes. The nicest thing about him is that you always know what he +means. He always tells you where he is and how he got there, without +skipping anything that you ought to know. When he goes into a room, he +goes through the door, opening and shutting the door just as you +expected. He isn't at all like Humpty Dumpty. I don't think I ever knew +two persons more different. There was only one time when he puzzled me. +When he went to Europe, and they told him how the French did things, +'Rollo laughed long and loud.' It was so unusual. I read it over and +over, but I couldn't tell what he laughed at. I think he might have +explained, but I suppose he forgot." + +It certainly was a pleasant thing to see Rollo surrounded by a group of +kindred spirits. They were the healthiest and happiest Youths in the +company, for they had lived a great deal in the open air, and had kept +their eyes open. + +Rollo was engaged in a dispute with little Francis about the comparative +merits of New England and a Desert Island for farming. Jonas said +little, but what he did say carried great weight. + +Rollo expressed himself as highly pleased with the Symposium. He was +sorry that there was not time for a paper on "The New Boy" and a +discussion of the question, "Are not the Young Growing Younger?" He said +he had seen some dangerous tendencies in that direction. + +Having said this, Rollo walked to the other side of the room, and having +found a settee, sat down on it. + +Scarcely had Rollo sat down when Miss Muffet saw a little girl whose +face was very familiar. + +[Illustration: "_I don't think I ever knew two persons more different_"] + +"You are Rosamond, aren't you? And once you bought a beautiful purple +jar instead of shoes, even though your old shoes had holes in them?" + +"It was a youthful indiscretion," said Rosamond, "and I have learned a +lesson from it." + +"It was just lovely. Any one can have shoes, but a purple jar is +something one dreams about: it's almost as good as having a party." + +Then she looked very anxiously at Rosamond and said,-- + +"I hope it didn't happen to you? Since first I read the story Miss +Edgeworth told about you and the purple jar, I couldn't get out of my +head the dreadful lines with which she begins,-- + + 'O teach her while your lessons last + To judge the future by the past, + The mind to strengthen and anneal + While on the stithy glows the steel.' + +It seemed such a dreadful thing to have your mind annealed, and you so +little. I'm sure it's something uncomfortable. And then how hard it was +for your mamma to make you _choose_ to do all the unpleasant things. I +don't mind doing them when I'm told to, but to have to choose them +rumples up my mind. That must have been an awful time when you had to +choose a needle-book instead of that funny stone plum that you could +have fooled the boys with." + +"But Mamma wanted to train me to be a Free Moral Agent," said Rosamond. + +"I don't like agents," said Miss Muffet, and then she was sorry that she +had been so rude. "I mean I don't believe in being one till one is more +grown up. And now that we are talking about it, maybe you could tell me +what the other line means,-- + + 'While on the stithy glows the steel.'" + +[Illustration: "_You dear little Rosamond_"] + +"A stithy," said Rosamond, "is a kind of blacksmith shop." + +"Now I know what every word means," said Miss Muffet, "but what was it +all about?" + +"It was poetry." + +"I suppose that this evening you had to choose between the Symposium and +the rest of the party where they don't have papers? And you are glad you +chose the Symposium?" + +"No, I'm not," said Rosamond impulsively. + +"You dear little Rosamond!" cried Miss Muffet, throwing her arms about +her. "The annealing's come off. Now let's go where there's music." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VII] + + +As she returned from the Symposium, Miss Muffet was compelled to pass +through some of the more remote parts of the palace, and whom should she +see but the Caliph Haroun al Raschid, whom she recognized at once +because he was in full disguise. He had no sooner come to the party than +he had begun to poke around in search of adventures, as was his habit. +At length he found two little girls engaged in a violent quarrel over a +lamb. One was beating the other over the head with a crook, and accusing +her of theft. This was just what the Caliph was after, and summoning the +girls before him, he prepared to try the case. The younger girl, whose +name was Mary, testified that the lamb had followed her to school. The +elder girl, known as Bo-Peep, stated that on that same day she had lost +her whole flock of sheep. + +"This is a strange coincidence," said Haroun al Raschid: "one girl loses +her sheep and another has one in her possession. There is a great +mystery here that must be looked into. Appear before me to-morrow, +little girls, and tell me your stories." And then he added, with a +terrible frown and an expressive glance at the executioner,--"And be +sure, little girls, that your stories are interesting." + +Miss Muffet had hoped to have a long quiet talk with Haroun al Raschid +and to ask him ever so many questions. But when she saw the executioner +she changed her mind, and she felt, too, that the Caliph was more used +to asking questions than to answering them. + +It was a great relief, therefore, to see a Dervish sitting on the floor, +as if he had all the time in the world. He didn't seem in the least +afraid of Haroun al Raschid; for Dervishes are great people in their way +and have no need of being afraid of anybody. + +[Illustration: _One was beating the other_] + +"Good-evening, Mr. Dervish, may I sit down by you and have a little talk +about dervishry?" + +[Illustration: _A little talk about dervishry_] + +The Dervish said something she didn't quite understand about not talking +shop on social occasions. "However," he added, "I will be glad to tell +about my neighbors; that will be more polite." This suited Miss Muffet +just as well. + +"It's what I really want to hear about," she said. "Dervishry must be +very hard work when you do it well, but it gives you a chance to meet +all the interesting people. Let me see; you have a bowl, and you sit +under a palm-tree by a well, and then the Calendars and Cadis and Muftis +and Merchants and Mendicants and the ladies of Bagdad come and ask you +questions, and when they put things in your bowl you answer them?" + +The Dervish said that that would be against the rule. + +"Oh, I remember. You look wise and tell them to come again to-morrow. +The next day they come again, and you tell them which camel was blind in +one eye and where their lovers are. That is very wonderful." + +The Dervish said that was the easiest part of it. The hardest thing was +to look wiser than the Muftis. + +[Illustration: _An expressive glance at the executioner_] + +Very soon they were having a delightful talk about all the great +personages Miss Muffet had always admired at a distance, but the Dervish +had known them intimately and could tell all their weak points, which +were not in the books. Indeed, Miss Muffet was surprised to find how +many mistakes the books had in them, all because the persons who made +them hadn't taken the trouble to talk with the Dervish. Almost all the +numbers were wrong. + +"There weren't forty thieves, there were only thirty-nine. I counted +them myself." + +"But didn't everything else happen as I was told?" asked Miss Muffet; +"and didn't it come out as it is in the book?" + +The Dervish admitted this, but said that that wasn't the important part: +the important part was to count straight. + +A remarkable discovery was that all the famous people had brothers, and +the brothers were always the ones who ought to have been famous, but +every one forgot about them. + +"There is Aladdin, he's a greatly overrated man. I could tell you some +curious things I learned about him. I know they are true, for they were +told to me in confidence. People admire him because they think he is so +lucky. Now if it had been his brother! He came over from China and used +to sit by the day under my palm-tree talking about the chances he had +just missed. They were truly marvelous. He missed more chances than +Aladdin ever dreamed of, but nobody ever writes about him." + +"Perhaps they don't know about him," said Miss Muffet. + +"That's the injustice of it." + +"Speaking of brothers, did you ever find out why it is that the third +one is always the wisest? I asked one of the North Country princes about +it just now, and he bowed and said he thanked me for the compliment, but +he was no philosopher. It doesn't matter where it is, in the Red Fairy +Book or the Green Fairy Book or any color, the third is always the +charm, and it seems very much the same way in your country. The oldest +brother is always vain and selfish, and when he goes into the forest, +always does the very thing he was told not to. And the second brother is +selfish, and stupider, for he ought to know better when his brother +doesn't come back and there are so many witches around. Then it comes to +the third brother, and I never expect anything of him because he is so +little and his stepmother has kept him back, but he turns out splendid. +Did you ever meditate on that, Mr. Dervish?" + +The Dervish said that he had meditated on it for a great many years, and +had at last come to the conclusion that it was a law of nature. + +"I am so glad to know that," said Miss Muffet, "for it has always +troubled me." + +[Illustration: _Aladdin's brother and the Dervish_] + +The Dervish remarked that when one was troubled by that kind of +questions, it was always better to consult a wise man at once. It was +not safe to let the case run on. + +"There's another thing I should like to ask about. Since I first read of +the Three Royal Mendicants, I've always wondered what a Mendicant is. I +know he must be very proud and great, but what does he do? The +Mendicants are here this evening, but I don't like to ask them; it might +seem rude." + +Then the Dervish explained about the Mendicants, and seemed so familiar +with their way of life that Miss Muffet suspected that he might have +been one himself. He explained too about the Calendars. + +The time passed so rapidly that Miss Muffet would have talked with him +all the evening, had he not at last said that he feared he was +monopolizing the attention of his hostess; besides, it was about time +for him to do some more meditating. + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter VIII] + + +There was a surprise at the party that delighted many of the young +people. Old Mr. Esop passed through the hall, distributing handbills, +announcing that, at immense expense, he had brought from Greece his +unparalleled aggregation of Fables, which would now be open for +exhibition in a grand pavilion just outside the south door of the +palace. Out of compliment to Miss Muffet's party, admission to the +Fables would be free, though ten cents would be charged to those who +remained to the Morals,--which, I am sorry to say, very few did. Some of +the Fables were unusually terrifying, such as the Lions and the hungry +Wolves, and Miss Muffet was glad to see what strong bars there were to +their cages. But a number of the Fables, having been for a long time on +exhibition, had become quite tame, and walked about conversing so +amiably that the youngest children felt no apprehension. + +It was while Mr. Esop was engaged in attaching the Morals to the Fables +that Miss Muffet caught sight for the first time of Uncle Remus and the +Little Boy. Mr. Esop was pointing out the Hare asleep by the wayside +while the Tortoise was coming gayly down the home stretch, and he was +about to exhibit the Moral when Uncle Remus broke out with a hearty +laugh. + +"You don't fool dis chile, does you, honey? Brer Rabbit he sometime play +'possum, but he sleep wid one eye open; he not let hisself be beat by a +triflin' mud turtle. Jess when Brer Turtle thinks he's thar, Brer +Rabbit'll give a jump, an' Brer Turtle'll find he's jess in time to be +too late. Oh! I know Brer Rabbit's owdacious ways." But still the Hare +slept while the Tortoise came deliberately over the line. Then Uncle +Remus cried out with infinite scorn, "Come along, little boy; dat ain't +worth shucks; dat ain't Brer Rabbit, nohow. I 'low dat rabbit's +stuffed." + +"But, Uncle Remus," said Miss Muffet, "perhaps you will like the Fables +better when you get acquainted with them. I'm sure they have always +borne a good reputation. And now I should like to introduce you to Mr. +Esop; it's such a pleasure to bring together people of the same tastes. +Mr. Esop, allow me to introduce my friend, Mr. Remus. I am sure that you +will feel a common interest in Zoölogy." + +Miss Muffet felt a little frightened at making such a formal speech, but +she knew that she was showing the quality called "tact," which is +something very useful in a hostess. To tell one's guests what they are +expected to talk about is often a great convenience to them. + +But Mr. Esop, the moment he heard the name, drew back with an air that +was quite chilling and businesslike. + +"Another of those early Romans out of a job! He has just discovered that +he is a Fable and is looking for a situation." Then turning to Uncle +Remus he said, "I'm very particular about my Fables, and I want +everything straight and plain so that parents may have no hesitation in +bringing their children. I don't like to mix up Myths with my Fables, +for the chances are that the Mythical Personage, instead of having a +Moral, may turn out to be only a Sign of the Zodiac. This is always +confusing to the Public. I suppose, Mr. Remus, that you have brought Mr. +Romulus with you. In the case of twins, I give no consideration, if I'm +offered only a broken lot. I must have the full set, Mr. Remus." + +[Illustration: "_I must have the full set_"] + +Uncle Remus's feelings would have been much hurt if he had not at that +moment caught sight of Mowgli accompanied by Baloo and Bagheera. Just +how it happened Miss Muffet could never find out, but before she had +time to introduce them they had become fast friends, and Uncle Remus +only chuckled when she asked him if she might have the pleasure of +making them acquainted. + +"Nebber you mind 'bout us, we mus' hab met befo'. I disremember whar, +but it mus' hab been somewhar down de big road." + +And the old man laughed at the thought that there ever was a time when +he didn't know Mowgli. + +At the mention of the big road Mowgli began to sing the "Road Song of +the Bandar-log." It was a very strange song, and not at all like those +that her music teacher taught her, but for all that Miss Muffet felt +that it was just the kind of a song she would sing if she were a +Bandar-log. + +Uncle Remus was in an ecstasy, and the Little Boy shouted for joy. Every +one praised it except Sandford and Merton, who said that it didn't give +any useful information except that monkeys had tails, a fact which was +already well known, being mentioned in all the Natural History books. +For their part, when it came to poetry they preferred some fine passages +in Dr. Young's "Night Thoughts." + +A great many boys and girls who were on their way to the pavilion had +remained outside listening to a pleasant gentleman who was telling them +anecdotes about the Wild Animals he had known. + +[Illustration: _Telling anecdotes_] + +This troubled Mr. Esop, who, though an excellent man, was inclined to be +jealous. Miss Muffet went out to remind the children of the Morals, but +in a little while she became as interested as the rest of them. + +"His way of talking is different from Mr. Esop's, but I am not sure but +he may be right. At any rate, I am glad to hear some one who speaks +respectfully about animals, and who doesn't say anything behind their +backs that he wouldn't say to their faces. He always remembers that they +are persons and have feelings. Then when they do things, he doesn't +blame them or call them bad names. That's one thing I don't like about +Mr. Esop. He isn't quite fair, and he is always accusing them of Folly." + +"It's remarkable how small the world is, after all," said the pleasant +gentleman, when more than a score of persons told him that the Wild +Animals he had known were among their most intimate acquaintances, and +that they had met them under a great many different circumstances. Then +followed a good deal of gossip about their family life and the way they +got their living. Miss Muffet was glad to hear that they were all so +kind to their children, but the way they got their living troubled her. +She remembered what the spider said, that "business is business," but +that didn't make it seem any more kind. + +"It's the Law of the Jungle," said Mowgli; and then he recited the law +word for word just as he had learned it. + +"Can't they change it?" asked Miss Muffet. + +"The Jungle people can't. It's too strong for them." + +From this the conversation drifted to hunting for sport. The pleasant +gentleman who knew so many animals personally didn't like it. The Boy +Hunters, who had spent a great deal of time in the woods, didn't agree +with him. They said that the proper way to become acquainted with +animals was to carry a gun. It showed that you entered into the spirit +of the thing. They fancied that it was good for wild animals to be +hunted; in fact, that was what kept them wild. + +Miss Muffet didn't think that was a very good reason, though it sounded +logical; and she asked several of the Animals what they thought about +it. + +[Illustration: "_It all depends on grammar_"] + +A Duck, a Dodo, a Lory, and an Eaglet, who had come with Alice from +Wonderland, were the nearest, and she asked them first, but they refused +to answer on the ground that they never had thoughts so late in the +evening. The Lory said that he had one at home, but he had forgotten to +bring it. + +"You can't make anything out of these Wonderland creatures," said Miss +Muffet. "I can't really feel that they are animals I have known, though +of course I know their names." + +When Bagheera was asked his opinion, he only growled that it was all in +the day's work. But wise old Baloo answered:-- + +"It all depends on grammar." + +This made every one look very solemn, for they realized now that it was +a serious matter. + +"First Person, Singular, I hunt. Second Person, Thou huntest. Third +Person, He or She hunts. So long as you confine it to the First Person, +it's proper and right. When you go beyond that, it's carrying it too +far. When you get to the Second Person, that's where the danger comes +in." + +This was such sound sense that they all agreed to it, though Mr. Wolf +declared that the First Person, Plural, seemed to him to be more +sociable. + +"Does it make any difference about the moods and tenses?" asked Miss +Muffet. + +"Passive--First Person, Singular, I am hunted." + +There was a general cry of horror. "What a dreadful point of view!" said +the Dodo; "it makes me shiver to think about it." + +Even the wildest animals agreed that it was atrocious. What was most +remarkable was that the Boy Hunters, who had been on the Orinoco and the +Congo and all the most dangerous places, admitted that they had the same +feelings. + +"There's a limit beyond which hunting is not true sport. It should not +be allowed to go as far as the First Person, Singular, in the Passive." + +"I'm so glad that you agree about it," said Miss Muffet. "I knew you +would when you came to understand one another. That's the great good of +being at parties; it makes us feel that we are all more alike than we +thought." + + + + +[Illustration: Chapter IX] + + +When Miss Muffet began to be a little tired, Mr. Spider asked her to +take a stroll with him into the open air. So he led her through a low +archway which brought them at last into the Child's Garden of Verses. + +"We had to make the entrance quite small," he said apologetically, "to +keep out the big boys. They run over everything, and we should have to +put up those horrid signs,'Keep off the Verses.'" + +[Illustration: _Wynken, Blynken, and Nod_] + +"I am so glad that you have brought me into the garden where I can see +the verses growing. Mamma told me that people make verses just as they +make the flowers on her bonnet. But I like the kind that grow, don't +you, Mr. Spider?" + +Mr. Spider said that he was no judge of poetry, but he was inclined to +be of her opinion; which made Miss Muffet very happy, for she had not +been used to having people agree with her,--at least before she had a +party. + +It was very pleasant in the garden, for the noisier children had not +found it out. It was surprising how many things were in it. There was a +little river with golden sand; and the tiniest mountain, which looked as +high as the sky when you got the right point of view; and there were +ships and pirates and a beautiful cow. When you looked in the right +direction, you could see the big world stretching away much further than +the eye could reach. + +[Illustration: _He was a little prudent_] + +[Illustration: _The Rockaby Lady saying good-night_] + +Miss Muffet watched a wide-eyed little boy who was wandering about and +having such an adventurous time as never was. Everything was so great +and strange, yet he wasn't a bit afraid, only now and then when he +turned a corner he was a little prudent, as any traveler would be who +had come to the end of the world and was not sure that the next step +might not take him off the edge. But it never did, for no matter how far +he went, there was always a next step for him, as if the good Scotch +gardener who had laid out the paths had known that such a great traveler +was coming. As she left the garden she heard him singing to himself his +glad little song,-- + + "The world is so full of a number of things, + I think we should all be as happy as Kings." + +The idea of the little song was exactly the same that Miss Muffet had +had in her head for a long time, though she hadn't been able to express +it so well. Even after she came back to the company, she kept repeating +the words to herself. + +"I think the nicest part about being happy," she confided to the spider, +"is that it keeps you from being lonesome, and it makes you like such a +number of things." + +"And such a number of people," added Mr. Spider. + +"Yes; all the different kinds. It's not because they are so very pretty. +You like the queer ones too, and you are glad that the world's full of +them. There's Rumpelstiltzkin, he's not at all like anybody else, and +his features aren't regular, but I'm glad he came to the party. He's so +interesting." + +Mr. Spider was sure that if he could get every one to feel that way, it +would make life easier for the members of his own family. He agreed that +the way to keep people from being cruel was to make them happy in their +own minds. + +[Illustration: _Flew away . . . into the night_] + +"And it's such an easy way," said Miss Muffet, "I wonder that nobody has +thought of it before." + +[Illustration: _Into his overcoat pocket_] + +[Illustration: _Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance_] + +There is not time to tell of all that happened at the party. As to +refreshments, the Old Woman who lived on victuals and drink declared +that victuals and drink were nothing to the good things which Miss +Muffet had provided. Before the evening was over the Pied Piper played +so merrily that even Red Riding-Hood's Grandmother began to dance. The +Twelve Dancing Princesses said that it was the first time that they had +been able to dance as much as they liked. Before this they had had to +stop when they danced the soles off their shoes; but this evening the +spider had thoughtfully provided each one with several pairs. + +And how did it end? All of a sudden, lights out, cobweb broken, and Miss +Muffet left alone with her curds and whey? Not at all. It ended as all +good parties end. The Rockaby Lady from Hushaby Street suggested that it +was getting late. Then one by one the guests came to Little Miss Muffet +and told her what a good time they had had, and how glad they were that +Christmas comes once every year. Wynken, Blynken, and Nod sailed away in +a wooden shoe. They were such dear little fellows that Miss Muffet was +sorry that she hadn't noticed them till they came to say good-by. Mr. +Esop put out the lights in his pavilion; and the Arabians mounted their +camels and rode slowly toward Bagdad, first making the Sultana promise +to tell them a story that would last through the whole Arabian Night. +The Wonderlanders put on their queer bonnets and coats, all carefully +wrong side out; and the Man Friday hoisted his umbrella to keep the dew +off Robinson Crusoe; and Doctor Gulliver put all the Lilliputians he +could catch into his overcoat pocket; and Mother Goose flew away with +all her family into the night. The little people from the North were the +last to get away, for it took them a long time to get on their overshoes +and fur coats and mufflers, but at last they too had gone. + +[Illustration: _A long time to get on their overshoes_] + +[Illustration: _Closed her eyes_] + +"I see by the moonlight that it's almost midnight," said the spider. +"It's time for little girls to go to sleep." + +Little Miss Muffet closed her eyes very tightly indeed, but she didn't +close her ears, so she heard the first tinkle of sleigh-bells far away, +and she knew that Santa Claus was coming. + +[Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Miss Muffet's Christmas Party, by +Samuel McChord Crothers + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MISS MUFFET'S CHRISTMAS PARTY *** + +***** This file should be named 31997-8.txt or 31997-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/9/9/31997/ + +Produced by David Edwards, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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