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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/3278-0.txt b/3278-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..86545c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/3278-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2307 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Cambridge Pieces, by Samuel Butler, Edited by +R. A. Streatfeild + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most +other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + + + + +Title: Cambridge Pieces + + +Author: Samuel Butler + +Editor: R. A. Streatfeild + +Release Date: July 25, 2019 [eBook #3278] +[This file was first posted on March 10, 2001] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAMBRIDGE PIECES*** + + +Transcribed from the 1914 A. C. Fifield edition by David Price, email +ccx074@pglaf.org + + [Picture: Public domain cover] + + + + + + CAMBRIDGE PIECES + + + By + Samuel Butler + Author of “Erewhon,” “The Way of All Flesh,” etc. + + * * * * * + + Edited by R. A. Streatfeild + + * * * * * + + London: A. C. Fifield + 1914 + + + + +CONTENTS + + PAGE +On English Composition and Other Matters 205 +Our Tour 211 +Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus 234 +The shield of Achilles, with variations 237 +Prospectus of the Great Split Society 239 +Powers 244 +A skit on examinations 251 +An Eminent Person 255 +Napoleon at St. Helena 256 +The Two Deans. I. 258 +The Two Deans. II. 259 +The Battle of Alma Mater 261 +On the Italian Priesthood 265 +Samuel Butler and the Simeonites, by A. T. Bartholomew 266 + + + + +On English Composition and Other Matters + + +_This essay is believed to be the first composition by Samuel Butler that +appeared in print_. _It was published in the first number of the_ EAGLE, +_a magazine written and edited by members of St. John’s College_, +_Cambridge_, _in the Lent Term_, 1858, _when Butler was in his fourth and +last year of residence_. + + [From the _Eagle_, Vol. 1, No. 1, Lent Term, 1858, p. 41.] + +I sit down scarcely knowing how to grasp my own meaning, and give it a +tangible shape in words; and yet it is concerning this very expression of +our thoughts in words that I wish to speak. As I muse things fall more +into their proper places, and, little fit for the task as my confession +pronounces me to be, I will try to make clear that which is in my mind. + +I think, then, that the style of our authors of a couple of hundred years +ago was more terse and masculine than that of those of the present day, +possessing both more of the graphic element, and more vigour, +straightforwardness, and conciseness. Most readers will have anticipated +me in admitting that a man should be clear of his meaning before he +endeavours to give to it any kind of utterance, and that having made up +his mind what to say, the less thought he takes how to say it, more than +briefly, pointedly, and plainly, the better; for instance, Bacon tells +us, “Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark”; he does not say, +what I can imagine a last century writer to have said, “A feeling +somewhat analogous to the dread with which children are affected upon +entering a dark room, is that which most men entertain at the +contemplation of death.” Jeremy Taylor says, “Tell them it is as much +intemperance to weep too much as to laugh too much”; he does not say, +“All men will acknowledge that laughing admits of intemperance, but some +men may at first sight hesitate to allow that a similar imputation may be +at times attached to weeping.” + +I incline to believe that as irons support the rickety child, whilst they +impede the healthy one, so rules, for the most part, are but useful to +the weaker among us. Our greatest masters in language, whether prose or +verse, in painting, music, architecture, or the like, have been those who +preceded the rule and whose excellence gave rise thereto; men who +preceded, I should rather say, not the rule, but the discovery of the +rule, men whose intuitive perception led them to the right practice. We +cannot imagine Homer to have studied rules, and the infant genius of +those giants of their art, Handel, Mozart, and Beethoven, who composed at +the ages of seven, five, and ten, must certainly have been unfettered by +them: to the less brilliantly endowed, however, they have a use as being +compendious safeguards against error. Let me then lay down as the best +of all rules for writing, “forgetfulness of self, and carefulness of the +matter in hand.” No simile is out of place that illustrates the subject; +in fact a simile as showing the symmetry of this world’s arrangement, is +always, if a fair one, interesting; every simile is amiss that leads the +mind from the contemplation of its object to the contemplation of its +author. This will apply equally to the heaping up of unnecessary +illustrations: it is as great a fault to supply the reader with too many +as with too few; having given him at most two, it is better to let him +read slowly and think out the rest for himself than to surfeit him with +an abundance of explanation. Hood says well, + + And thus upon the public mind intrude it; + As if I thought, like Otaheitan cooks, + No food was fit to eat till I had chewed it. + +A book that is worth reading will be worth reading thoughtfully, and +there are but few good books, save certain novels, that it is well to +read in an arm-chair. Most will bear standing to. At the present time +we seem to lack the impassiveness and impartiality which was so marked +among the writings of our forefathers, we are seldom content with the +simple narration of fact, but must rush off into an almost declamatory +description of them; my meaning will be plain to all who have studied +Thucydides. The dignity of his simplicity is, I think, marred by those +who put in the accessories which seem thought necessary in all present +histories. How few writers of the present day would not, instead of _νὑξ +γὰρ ἐπεγένετο τῷ ἓργῳ_ rather write, “Night fell upon this horrid scene +of bloodshed.” {207} This is somewhat a matter of taste, but I think I +shall find some to agree with me in preferring for plain narration (of +course I exclude oratory) the unadorned gravity of Thucydides. There +are, indeed, some writers of the present day who seem returning to the +statement of facts rather than their adornment, but these are not the +most generally admired. This simplicity, however, to be truly effective +must be unstudied; it will not do to write with affected terseness, a +charge which, I think, may be fairly preferred against Tacitus; such a +style if ever effective must be so from excess of artifice and not from +that artlessness of simplicity which I should wish to see prevalent among +us. + +Neither again is it well to write and go over the ground again with the +pruning knife, though this fault is better than the other; to take care +of the matter, and let the words take care of themselves, is the best +safeguard. + +To this I shall be answered, “Yes, but is not a diamond cut and polished +a more beautiful object than when rough?” I grant it, and more valuable, +inasmuch as it has run chance of spoliation in the cutting, but I +maintain that the thinking man, the man whose thoughts are great and +worth the consideration of others, will “deal in proprieties,” and will +from the mine of his thoughts produce ready-cut diamonds, or rather will +cut them there spontaneously, ere ever they see the light of day. + +There are a few points still which it were well we should consider. We +are all too apt when we sit down to study a subject to have already +formed our opinion, and to weave all matter to the warp of our +preconceived judgment, to fall in with the received idea, and, with +biassed minds, unconsciously to follow in the wake of public opinion, +while professing to lead it. To the best of my belief half the dogmatism +of those we daily meet is in consequence of the unwitting practices of +this self-deception. Simply let us not talk about what we do not +understand, save as learners, and we shall not by writing mislead others. + +There is no shame in being obliged to others for opinions, the shame is +not being honest enough to acknowledge it: I would have no one omit to +put down a useful thought because it was not his own, provided it tended +to the better expression of his matter, and he did not conceal its +source; let him, however, set out the borrowed capital to interest. One +word more and I have done. With regard to our subject, the best rule is +not to write concerning that about which we cannot at our present age +know anything save by a process which is commonly called cram: on all +such matters there are abler writers than ourselves; the men, in fact, +from whom we cram. Never let us hunt after a subject, unless we have +something which we feel urged on to say, it is better to say nothing; who +are so ridiculous as those who talk for the sake of talking, save only +those who write for the sake of writing? But there are subjects which +all young men think about. Who can take a walk in our streets and not +think? The most trivial incident has ramifications, to whose guidance if +we surrender our thoughts, we are oft-times led upon a gold mine +unawares, and no man whether old or young is worse for reading the +ingenuous and unaffected statement of a young man’s thoughts. There are +some things in which experience blunts the mental vision, as well as +others in which it sharpens it. The former are best described by younger +men, our province is not to lead public opinion, is not in fact to ape +our seniors, and transport ourselves from our proper sphere, it is rather +to show ourselves as we are, to throw our thoughts before the public as +they rise, without requiring it to imagine that we are right and others +wrong, but hoping for the forbearance which I must beg the reader to +concede to myself, and trusting to the genuineness and vigour of our +design to attract it may be more than a passing attention. + +I am aware that I have digressed from the original purpose of my essay, +but I hope for pardon, if, believing the digression to be of more value +than the original matter, I have not checked my pen, but let it run on +even as my heart directed it. + + CELLARIUS. + + + + +Our Tour + + +_This essay was published in the_ EAGLE, _Vol._ 1, _No._ 5. _in the +Easter Term_, 1859. _It describes a holiday trip made by Butler in +June_, 1857, _in company with a friend whose name_, _which was Joseph +Green_, _Butler Italianised as Giuseppe Verdi_. _I am permitted by +Professor Bonney to quote a few words from a private letter of his +referring to Butler’s tour_: “_It was remarkable in the amount of ground +covered and the small sum spent_, _but still more in the direction taken +in the first part of the tour_. _Dauphine was then almost a_ TERRA +INCOGNITA _to English or any other travellers_.” + + [From the _Eagle_, Vol. 1, No. 5. Easter Term, 1859, p. 241.] + +AS the vacation is near, and many may find themselves with three weeks’ +time on their hand, five-and-twenty pounds in their pockets, and the map +of Europe before them, perhaps the following sketch of what can be +effected with such money and in such time, may not come amiss to those, +who, like ourselves a couple of years ago, are in doubt how to enjoy +themselves most effectually after a term’s hard reading. + +To some, probably, the tour we decided upon may seem too hurried, and the +fatigue too great for too little profit; still even to these it may +happen that a portion of the following pages may be useful. Indeed, the +tour was scarcely conceived at first in its full extent, originally we +had intended devoting ourselves entirely to the French architecture of +Normandy and Brittany. Then we grew ambitious, and stretched our +imaginations to Paris. Then the longing for a snowy mountain waxed, and +the love of French Gothic waned, and we determined to explore the French +Alps. Then we thought that we must just step over them and take a peep +into Italy, and so, disdaining to return by the road we had already +travelled, we would cut off the north-west corner of Italy, and cross the +Alps again into Switzerland, where, of course, we must see the cream of +what was to be seen; and then thinking it possible that our three weeks +and our five-and-twenty pounds might be looking foolish, we would return, +via Strasburg to Paris, and so to Cambridge. This plan we eventually +carried into execution, spending not a penny more money, nor an hour’s +more time; and, despite the declarations which met us on all sides that +we could never achieve anything like all we had intended, I hope to be +able to show how we did achieve it, and how anyone else may do the like +if he has a mind. A person with a good deal of energy might do much more +than this; we ourselves had at one time entertained thoughts of going to +Rome for two days, and thence to Naples, walking over the Monte St. +Angelo from Castellamare to Amalfi (which for my own part I cherish with +fond affection, as being far the most lovely thing that I have ever +seen), and then returning as with a _Nunc Dimittis_, and I still think it +would have been very possible; but, on the whole, such a journey would +not have been so well, for the long tedious road between Marseilles and +Paris would have twice been traversed by us, to say nothing of the sea +journey between Marseilles and Cività Vecchia. However, no more of what +might have been, let us proceed to what was. + +If on Tuesday, June 9 [i.e. 1857], you leave London Bridge at six o’clock +in the morning, you will get (via Newhaven) to Dieppe at fifteen minutes +past three. If on landing you go to the Hotel Victoria, you will find +good accommodation and a table d’hôte at five o’clock; you can then go +and admire the town, which will not be worth admiring, but which will +fill you with pleasure on account of the novelty and freshness of +everything you meet; whether it is the old bonnet-less, short-petticoated +women walking arm and arm with their grandsons, whether the church with +its quaint sculpture of the Entombment of our Lord, and the sad votive +candles ever guttering in front of it, or whether the plain evidence that +meets one at every touch and turn, that one is among people who live out +of doors very much more than ourselves, or what not—all will be charming, +and if you are yourself in high spirits and health, full of anticipation +and well inclined to be pleased with all you see, Dieppe will appear a +very charming place, and one which a year or two hence you will fancy +that you would like to revisit. But now we must leave it at forty-five +minutes past seven, and at twelve o’clock on Tuesday night we shall find +ourselves in Paris. We drive off to the Hôtel de Normandie in the Rue +St. Honoré, 290 (I think), stroll out and get a cup of coffee, and return +to bed at one o’clock. + +The next day we spent in Paris, and of it no account need be given, save +perhaps the reader may be advised to ascend the Arc de Triomphe, and not +to waste his time in looking at Napoleon’s hats and coats and shoes in +the Louvre; to eschew all the picture rooms save the one with the +Murillos, and the great gallery, and to dine at the Dîners de Paris. If +he asks leave to wash his hands before dining there, he will observe a +little astonishment among the waiters at the barbarian cleanliness of the +English, and be shown into a little room, where a diminutive bowl will be +proffered to him, of which more anon; let him first (as we did) wash or +rather sprinkle his face as best he can, and then we will tell him after +dinner what we generally do with the bowls in question. I forget how +many things they gave us, but I am sure many more than would be pleasant +to read, nor do I remember any circumstance connected with the dinner, +save that on occasion of one of the courses, the waiter perceiving a +little perplexity on my part as to how I should manage an artichoke +served _à la française_, feelingly removed my knife and fork from my hand +and cut it up himself into six mouthfuls, returning me the whole with a +sigh of gratitude for the escape of the artichoke from a barbarous and +unnatural end; and then after dinner they brought us little tumblers of +warm lavender scent and water to wash our mouths out, and the little +bowls to spit into; but enough of eating, we must have some more coffee +at a café on the Boulevards, watch the carriages and the people and the +dresses and the sunshine and all the pomps and vanities which the +Boulevards have not yet renounced; return to the inn, fetch our +knapsacks, and be off to the Chemin de Fer de Lyon by forty-five minutes +past seven; our train leaves at five minutes past eight, and we are +booked to Grenoble. All night long the train speeds towards the south. +We leave Sens with its grey cathedral solemnly towering in the moonlight +a mile on the left. (How few remember, that to the architect William of +Sens we owe Canterbury Cathedral.) Fontainebleau is on the right, +station after station wakes up our dozing senses, while ever in our ears +are ringing as through the dim light we gaze on the surrounding country, +“the pastures of Switzerland and the poplar valleys of France.” + +It is still dark—as dark, that is, as the midsummer night will allow it +to be, when we are aware that we have entered on a tunnel; a long tunnel, +very long—I fancy there must be high hills above it; for I remember that +some few years ago when I was travelling up from Marseilles to Paris in +midwinter, all the way from Avignon (between which place and Châlon the +railway was not completed), there had been a dense frozen fog; on neither +hand could anything beyond the road be descried, while every bush and +tree was coated with a thick and steadily increasing fringe of silver +hoar-frost, for the night and day, and half-day that it took us to reach +this tunnel, all was the same—bitter cold dense fog and ever silently +increasing hoar-frost: but on emerging from it, the whole scene was +completely changed; the air was clear, the sun shining brightly, no +hoar-frost and only a few patches of fast melting snow, everything in +fact betokening a thaw of some days’ duration. Another thing I know +about this tunnel which makes me regard it with veneration as a boundary +line in countries, namely, that on every high ground after this tunnel on +clear days Mont Blanc may be seen. True, it is only very rarely seen, +but I have known those who have seen it; and accordingly touch my +companion on the side, and say, “We are within sight of the Alps”; a few +miles farther on and we are at Dijon. It is still very early morning, I +think about three o’clock, but we feel as if we were already at the Alps, +and keep looking anxiously out for them, though we well know that it is a +moral impossibility that we should see them for some hours at the least. +Indian corn comes in after Dijon; the oleanders begin to come out of +their tubs; the peach trees, apricots, and nectarines unnail themselves +from the walls, and stand alone in the open fields. The vineyards are +still scrubby, but the practised eye readily detects with each hour some +slight token that we are nearer the sun than we were, or, at any rate, +farther from the North Pole. We don’t stay long at Dijon nor at Châlon, +at Lyons we have an hour to wait; breakfast off a basin of _café au lait_ +and a huge hunch of bread, get a miserable wash, compared with which the +spittoons of the Dîners de Paris were luxurious, and return in time to +proceed to St. Rambert, whence the railroad branches off to Grenoble. It +is very beautiful between Lyons and St. Rambert. The mulberry trees show +the silkworm to be a denizen of the country, while the fields are +dazzlingly brilliant with poppies and salvias; on the other side of the +Rhône rise high cloud-capped hills, but towards the Alps we strain our +eyes in vain. + +At St. Rambert the railroad to Grenoble branches off at right angles to +the main line, it was then only complete as far as Rives, now it is +continued the whole way to Grenoble; by which the reader will save some +two or three hours, but miss a beautiful ride from Rives to Grenoble by +the road. The valley bears the name of Grésivaudan. It is very rich and +luxuriant, the vineyards are more Italian, the fig trees larger than we +have yet seen them, patches of snow whiten the higher hills, and we feel +that we are at last indeed among the outskirts of the Alps themselves. I +am told that we should have stayed at Voreppe, seen the Grande Chartreuse +(for which see Murray), and then gone on to Grenoble, but we were pressed +for time and could not do everything. At Grenoble we arrived about two +o’clock, washed comfortably at last and then dined; during dinner a +_calèche_ was preparing to drive us on to Bourg d’Oisans, a place some +six or seven and thirty miles farther on, and by thirty minutes past +three we find ourselves reclining easily within it, and digesting dinner +with the assistance of a little packet, for which we paid +one-and-fourpence at the well-known shop of Mr. Bacon, Market-square, +Cambridge. It is very charming. The air is sweet, warm, and sunny, +there has been bad weather for some days here, but it is clearing up; the +clouds are lifting themselves hour by hour, we are evidently going to +have a pleasant spell of fine weather. The _calèche_ jolts a little, and +the horse is decidedly shabby, both _qua_ horse and _qua_ harness, but +our moustaches are growing, and our general appearance is in keeping. +The wine was very pleasant at Grenoble, and we have a pound of ripe +cherries between us; so, on the whole, we would not change with his Royal +Highness Prince Albert or all the Royal Family, and jolt on through the +long straight poplar avenue that colonnades the road above the level +swamp and beneath the hills, and turning a sharp angle enter Vizille, a +wretched place, only memorable because from this point we begin +definitely, though slowly, to enter the hills and ascend by the side of +the Romanche through the valley, which that river either made or +found—who knows or cares? But we do know very well that we are driving +up a very exquisitely beautiful valley, that the Romanche takes longer +leaps from rock to rock than she did, that the hills have closed in upon +us, that we see more snow each time the valley opens, that the villages +get scantier, and that at last a great giant iceberg walls up the way in +front, and we feast our eyes on the long-desired sight till after that +the setting sun has tinged it purple (a sure sign of a fine day), its +ghastly pallor shows us that the night is upon us. It is cold, and we +are not sorry at half-past nine to find ourselves at Bourg d’Oisans, +where there is a very fair inn kept by one Martin; we get a comfortable +supper of eggs and go to bed fairly tired. + +This we must remind the reader is Thursday night, on Tuesday morning we +left London, spent one day in Paris, and are now sleeping among the Alps, +sharpish work, but very satisfactory, and a prelude to better things by +and by. The next day we made rather a mistake, instead of going straight +on to Briançon we went up a valley towards Mont Pelvoux (a mountain +nearly 14,000 feet high), intending to cross a high pass above La Bérarde +down to Briançon, but when we got to St. Christophe we were told the pass +would not be open till August, so returned and slept a second night at +Bourg d’Oisans. The valley, however, was all that could be desired, +mingled sun and shadow, tumbling river, rich wood, and mountain pastures, +precipices all around, and snow-clad summits continually unfolding +themselves; Murray is right in calling the valley above Venosc a scene of +savage sterility. At Venosc, in the poorest of hostelries was a tuneless +cracked old instrument, half piano, half harpsichord—how it ever found +its way there we were at a loss to conceive—and an irrelevant clock that +struck seven times by fits and starts at its own convenience during our +one o’clock dinner; we returned to Bourg d’Oisans at seven, and were in +bed by nine. + +Saturday, June 13. + +Having found that a conveyance to Briançon was beyond our finances, and +that they would not take us any distance at a reasonable charge, we +determined to walk the whole fifty miles in the day, and half-way down +the mountains, sauntering listlessly accordingly left Bourg d’Oisans at a +few minutes before five in the morning. The clouds were floating over +the uplands, but they soon began to rise, and before seven o’clock the +sky was cloudless; along the road were passing hundreds of people (though +it was only five in the morning) in detachments of from two to nine, with +cattle, sheep, pigs, and goats, picturesque enough but miserably lean and +gaunt: we leave them to proceed to the fair, and after a three miles’ +level walk through a straight poplar avenue, commence ascending far above +the Romanche; all day long we slowly ascend, stopping occasionally to +refresh ourselves with _vin ordinaire_ and water, but making steady way +in the main, though heavily weighted and under a broiling sun, at one we +reach La Grave, which is opposite the Mont de Lans, a most superb +mountain. The whole scene equal to anything in Switzerland, as far as +the mountains go. The Mont de Lans is opposite the windows, seeming +little more than a stone’s throw off, and causing my companion (whose +name I will, with his permission, Italianise into that of the famous +composer Giuseppe Verdi) to think it a mere nothing to mount to the top +of those sugared pinnacles which he will not believe are many miles +distant in reality. After dinner we trudge on, the scenery constantly +improving, the snow drawing down to us, and the Romanche dwindling +hourly; we reach the top of the Col du Lautaret, which Murray must +describe; I can only say that it is first-class scenery. The flowers are +splendid, acres and acres of wild narcissus, the Alpine cowslip, +gentians, large purple and yellow anemones, soldanellas, and the whole +kith and kin of the high Alpine pasture flowers; great banks of snow lie +on each side of the road, and probably will continue to do so till the +middle of July, while all around are glaciers and precipices innumerable. + +We only got as far as Monêtier after all, for, reaching that town at +half-past eight, and finding that Briançon was still eight miles further +on, we preferred resting there at the miserable but cheap and honest +Hôtel de l’Europe; had we gone on a little farther we should have found a +much better one, but we were tired with our forty-two miles’ walk, and, +after a hasty supper and a quiet pipe, over which we watch the last +twilight on the Alps above Briançon, we turn in very tired but very much +charmed. + +Sunday morning was the clearest and freshest morning that ever tourists +could wish for, the grass crisply frozen (for we are some three or four +thousand feet above the sea), the glaciers descending to a level but +little higher than the road; a fine range of Alps in front over Briançon, +and the road winding down past a new river (for we have long lost the +Romanche) towards the town, which is some six or seven miles distant. + +It was a fête—the _Fête du bon Dieu_, celebrated annually on this day +throughout all this part of the country; in all the villages there were +little shrines erected, adorned with strings of blue corncockle, +narcissus heads, and poppies, bunches of green, pink, and white calico, +moss and fir-tree branches, and in the midst of these tastefully arranged +bowers was an image of the Virgin and her Son, with whatever other saints +the place was possessed of. + +At Briançon, which we reached (in a trap) at eight o’clock, these +demonstrations were more imposing, but less pleasing; the soldiers, too, +were being drilled and exercised, and the whole scene was one of the +greatest animation, such as Frenchmen know how to exhibit on the morning +of a gala day. + +Leaving our trap at Briançon and making a hasty breakfast at the Hôtel de +la Paix, we walked up a very lonely valley towards Cervières. I dare not +say how many hours we wended our way up the brawling torrent without +meeting a soul or seeing a human habitation; it was fearfully hot too, +and we longed for _vin ordinaire_; Cervières seemed as though it never +would come—still the same rugged precipices, snow-clad heights, brawling +torrent, and stony road, butterflies beautiful and innumerable, flowers +to match, sky cloudless. At last we are there; through the town, or +rather village, the river rushes furiously, the dismantled houses and +gaping walls affording palpable traces of the fearful inundations of the +previous year, not a house near the river was sound, many quite +uninhabitable, and more such as I am sure few of us would like to +inhabit. However, it is Cervières such as it is, and we hope for our +_vin ordinaire_; but, alas!—not a human being, man, woman or child, is to +be seen, the houses are all closed, the noonday quiet holds the hill with +a vengeance, unbroken, save by the ceaseless roar of the river. + +While we were pondering what this loneliness could mean, and wherefore we +were unable to make an entrance even into the little _auberge_ that +professed to _loger à pied et à cheval_, a kind of low wail or chaunt +began to make itself heard from the other side of the river; wild and +strange, yet full of a music of its own, it took my friend and myself so +much by surprise that we almost thought for the moment that we had +trespassed on to the forbidden ground of some fairy people who lived +alone here, high amid the sequestered valleys where mortal steps were +rare, but on going to the corner of the street we were undeceived indeed, +but most pleasurably surprised by the pretty spectacle that presented +itself. + +For from the church opposite first were pouring forth a string of young +girls clad in their Sunday’s best, then followed the youths, as in duty +bound, then came a few monks or friars or some such folk, carrying the +Virgin, then the men of the place, then the women and lesser children, +all singing after their own rough fashion; the effect was electrical, for +in a few minutes the procession reached us, and dispersing itself far and +wide, filled the town with as much life as it had before been lonely. It +was like a sudden introduction of the whole company on to the theatre +after the stage has been left empty for a minute, and to us was doubly +welcome as affording us some hope of our wine. + +“Vous êtes Piedmontais, monsieur,” said one to me. I denied the +accusation. “Alors vous êtes Allemands.” I again denied and said we +were English, whereon they opened their eyes wide and said, +“Anglais,—mais c’est une autre chose,” and seemed much pleased, for the +alliance was then still in full favour. It caused them a little +disappointment that we were Protestants, but they were pleased at being +able to tell us that there was a Protestant minister higher up the valley +which we said would “do us a great deal of pleasure.” + +The _vin ordinaire_ was execrable—they only, however, charged us nine +sous for it, and on our giving half a franc and thinking ourselves +exceedingly stingy for not giving a whole one, they shouted out “Voilà +les Anglais, voilà la generosité des Anglais,” with evident sincerity. I +thought to myself that the less we English corrupted the primitive +simplicity of these good folks the better; it was really refreshing to +find several people protesting about one’s generosity for having paid a +halfpenny more for a bottle of wine than was expected; at Monêtier we +asked whether many English came there, and they told us yes, a great +many, there had been fifteen there last year, but I should imagine that +scarcely fifteen could travel up past Cervières, and yet the English +character be so little known as to be still evidently popular. + +I don’t know what o’clock it was when we left Cervières—midday I should +imagine; we left the river on our left and began to ascend a mountain +pass called Izouard, as far as I could make out, but will not pledge +myself to have caught the name correctly; it was more lonely than ever, +very high, much more snow on the top than on the previous day over the +Col du Lautaret, the path scarcely distinguishable, indeed quite lost in +many places, very beautiful but not so much so as the Col du Lautaret, +and better on descending towards Queyras than on ascending; from the +summit of the pass the view of the several Alpine chains about is very +fine, but from the entire absence of trees of any kind it is more rugged +and barren than I altogether liked; going down towards Queyras we found +the letters S.I.C. marked on a rock, evidently with the spike of an +alpine-stock,—we wondered whether they stood for St. John’s College. + +We reached Queyras at about four very tired, for yesterday’s work was +heavy, and refresh ourselves with a huge omelette and some good Provence +wine. + +Reader, don’t go into that _auberge_, carry up provision from Briançon, +or at any rate carry the means of eating it: they have only two knives in +the place, one for the landlord and one for the landlady; these are clasp +knives, and they carry them in their pockets; I used the landlady’s, my +companion had the other; the room was very like a cow-house—dark, wooden, +and smelling strongly of manure; outside I saw that one of the beams +supporting a huge projecting balcony that ran round the house was resting +on a capital of white marble—a Lombard capital that had evidently seen +better days, they could not tell us whence it came. Meat they have none, +so we gorge ourselves with omelette, and at half-past five trudge on, for +we have a long way to go yet, and no alternative but to proceed. + +Abriès is the name of the place we stopped at that night; it was +pitch-dark when we reached it, and the whole town was gone to bed, but by +great good luck we found a café still open (the inn was shut up for the +night), and there we lodged. I dare not say how many miles we had +walked, but we were still plucky, and having prevailed at last on the +landlord to allow us clean sheets on our beds instead of the dirty ones +he and his wife had been sleeping on since Christmas, and making the best +of the solitary decanter and pie dish which was all the washing +implements we were allowed (not a toothmug even extra), we had coffee and +bread and brandy for supper, and retired at about eleven to the soundest +sleep in spite of our somewhat humble accommodation. If nasty, at any +rate it was cheap; they charged us a franc a piece for our suppers, beds, +and two cigars; we went to the inn to breakfast, where, though the +accommodation was somewhat better, the charge was most extortionate. +Murray is quite right in saying the travellers should bargain beforehand +at this inn (_chez_ Richard); I think they charged us five francs for the +most ordinary breakfast. From this place we started at about nine, and +took a guide as far as the top of the Col de la Croix Haute, having too +nearly lost our way yesterday; the paths have not been traversed much +yet, and the mule and sheep droppings are but scanty indicators of the +direction of paths of which the winds and rain have obliterated all other +traces. + +The Col de la Croix Haute is rightly named, it was very high, but not so +hard to ascend until we reached the snow. On the Italian side it is +terribly steep, from the French side, however, the slope is more gradual. +The snow was deeper at the top of this pass than on either of the two +previous days; in many places we sank deep in, but had no real difficulty +in crossing; on the Italian side the snow was gone and the path soon +became clear enough, so we sent our guide to the right about and trudged +on alone. + +A sad disappointment, however, awaited us, for instead of the clear air +that we had heretofore enjoyed, the clouds were rolling up from the +valley, and we entirely lost the magnificent view of the plains of +Lombardy which we ought to have seen; this was our first mishap, and we +bore it heroically. A lunch may be had at Prali, and there the Italian +tongue will be heard for the first time. + +We must have both looked very questionable personages, for I remember +that a man present asked me for a cigar; I gave him two, and he proffered +a _sou_ in return as a matter of course. + +Shortly below Prali the clouds drew off, or rather we reached a lower +level, so that they were above us, and now the walnut and the chestnut, +the oak and the beech have driven away the pines of the other side, not +that there were many of them; soon, too, the vineyards come in, the +Indian corn again flourishes everywhere, the cherries grow ripe as we +descend, and in an hour or two we felt to our great joy that we were +fairly in Italy. + +The descent is steep beyond compare, for La Tour, which we reached by +four o’clock, is quite on the plain, very much on a level with Turin—I do +not remember any descent between the two—and the pass cannot be much +under eight thousand feet. + +Passports are asked at Bobbio, but the very sight of the English name was +at that time sufficient to cause the passport to be returned +unscrutinised. + +La Tour is a Protestant place, or at any rate chiefly so, indeed all the +way from Cervières we have been among people half Protestant and half +Romanist; these were the Waldenses of the Middle Ages, they are handsome, +particularly the young women, and I should fancy an honest simple race +enough, but not over clean. + +As a proof that we were in Italy we happened while waiting for table +d’hôte to be leaning over the balcony that ran round the house and passed +our bedroom door, when a man and a girl came out with two large pails in +their hands, and we watched them proceed to a cart with a barrel in it, +which was in a corner of the yard; we had been wondering what was in the +barrel and were glad to see them commence tapping it, when lo! out +spouted the blood-red wine with which they actually half filled their +pails before they left the spot. This was as Italy should be. After +dinner, too, as we stroll in the showy Italian sort of piazza near the +inn, the florid music which fills the whole square, accompanied by a +female voice of some pretensions, again thoroughly Italianises the scene, +and when she struck up our English national anthem (with such a bass +accompaniment!) nothing could be imagined more incongruous. + +Sleeping at La Tour at the hotel kept by M. Gai (which is very good, +clean, and cheap), we left next morning, i.e. Tuesday, June 16, at four +by diligence for Pinerolo, thence by rail to Turin where we spent the +day. It was wet and we saw no vestiges of the Alps. + +Turin is a very handsome city, very regularly built, the streets running +nearly all parallel to and at right angles with each other; there are no +suburbs, and the consequence is that at the end of every street one sees +the country; the Alps surround the city like a horseshoe, and hence many +of the streets seem actually walled in with a snowy mountain. Nowhere +are the Alps seen to greater advantage than from Turin. I speak from the +experience, not of the journey I am describing, but of a previous one. +From the Superga the view is magnificent, but from the hospital for +soldiers just above the Po on the eastern side of the city the view is +very similar, and the city seen to greater advantage. The Po is a fine +river, but very muddy, not like the Ticino which has the advantage of +getting washed in the Lago Maggiore. On the whole Turin is well worth +seeing. Leaving it, however, on Wednesday morning we arrived at Arona +about half-past eleven: the country between the two places is flat, but +rich and well cultivated: much rice is grown, and in consequence the +whole country easily capable of being laid under water, a thing which I +should imagine the Piedmontese would not be slow to avail themselves of; +we ought to have had the Alps as a background to the view, but they were +still veiled. It was here that a countryman, seeing me with one or two +funny little pipes which I had bought in Turin, asked me if I was a +_fabricante di pipi_—a pipe-maker. + +By the time that we were at Arona the sun had appeared, and the clouds +were gone; here, too, we determined to halt for half a day, neither of us +being quite the thing, so after a visit to the colossal statue of San +Carlo, which is very fine and imposing, we laid ourselves down under the +shade of some chestnut trees above the lake, and enjoyed the extreme +beauty of everything around us, until we fell fast asleep, and yet even +in sleep we seemed to retain a consciousness of the unsurpassable beauty +of the scene. After dinner (we were stopping at the Hôtel de la Poste, a +very nice inn indeed) we took a boat and went across the lake to Angera, +a little town just opposite; it was in the Austrian territory, but they +made no delay about admitting us; the reason of our excursion was, that +we might go and explore the old castle there, which is seated on an +inconsiderable eminence above the lake. It affords an excellent example +of Italian domestic Gothic of the Middle Ages; San Carlo was born and +resided here, and, indeed, if saintliness were to depend upon beauty of +natural scenery, no wonder at his having been a saint. + +The castle is only tenanted by an old man who keeps the place; we found +him cooking his supper over a small crackling fire of sticks, which he +had lighted in the main hall; his feeble old voice chirps about San Carlo +this and San Carlo that as we go from room to room. We have no carpets +here—plain honest brick floors—the chairs, indeed, have once been covered +with velvet, but they are now so worn that one can scarcely detect that +they have been so, the tables warped and worm-eaten, the few, that is, +that remained there, the shutters cracked and dry with the sun and summer +of so many hundred years—no Renaissance work here, yet for all that there +was something about it which made it to me the only really pleasurable +nobleman’s mansion that I have ever been over; the view from the top is +superb, and then the row home to Arona, the twinkling lights softly +gleaming in the lake, the bells jangling from the tall and gaudy +campaniles, the stillness of the summer night—so warm and yet so +refreshing on the water; hush, there are some people singing—how sweetly +their voices are borne to us upon the slight breath of wind that alone is +stirring; oh, it is a cruel thing to think of war in connection with such +a spot as this, and yet from this very Angera to this very Arona it is +that the Austrians have been crossing to commence their attack on +Sardinia. I fear these next summer nights will not be broken with the +voice of much singing and that we shall have to hush for the roaring of +cannon. + +I never knew before how melodiously frogs can croak—there is a sweet +guttural about some of these that I never heard in England: before going +to bed, I remember particularly one amorous batrachian courting _malgrè +sa maman_ regaled us with a lusciously deep rich croak, that served as a +good accompaniment for the shrill whizzing sound of the cigales. + +My space is getting short, but fortunately we are getting on to ground +better known; I will therefore content myself with sketching out the +remainder of our tour and leaving the reader to Murray for descriptions. + +We left Arona with regret on Thursday morning (June 18), took steamer to +the Isola Bella, which is an example of how far human extravagance and +folly can spoil a rock, which had it been left alone would have been very +beautiful, and thence by a little boat went to Baveno; thence we took +diligence for Domo d’Ossola; the weather clouded towards evening and big +raindrops beginning to descend we thought it better to proceed at once by +the same diligence over the Simplon; we did not care to walk the pass in +wet, therefore leaving Domo d’Ossola at ten o’clock that night we arrived +at Iselle about two; the weather clearing we saw the gorge of Gondo and +walked a good way up the pass in the early morning by the diligence; +breakfasted at Simplon at four o’clock in the morning, and without +waiting a moment as soon as we got out at Brieg set off for Visp, which +we reached at twelve on foot; we washed and dressed there, dined and +advanced to Leuk, and thence up the most exquisitely beautiful road to +Leukerbad, which we reached at about eight o’clock after a very fatiguing +day. The Hôtel de la France is clean and cheap. Next morning we left at +half-past five and, crossing the Gemini, got to Frutigen at half-past +one, took an open trap after dinner and drove to Interlaken, which we +reached on the Saturday night at eight o’clock, the weather first rate; +Sunday we rested at Interlaken; on Monday we assailed the Wengern Alp, +but the weather being pouring wet we halted on the top and spent the +night there, being rewarded by the most transcendent evening view of the +Jungfrau, Eiger, and Mönch in the clear cold air seen through a thin veil +of semi-transparent cloud that was continually scudding across them. + +Next morning early we descended to Grindelwald, thence past the upper +glacier under the Wetterhorn over the Scheidegg to Rosenlaui, where we +dined and saw the glacier, after dinner, descending the valley we visited +the falls of Reichenbach (which the reader need not do if he means to see +those of the Aar at Handegg), and leaving Meyringen on our left we +recommenced an ascent of the valley of the Aar, sleeping at Guttannen, +about ten miles farther on. + +Next day, i.e. Wednesday, June 24, leaving Guttannen very early, passing +the falls of Handegg, which are first rate, we reached the hospice at +nine; had some wine there, and crawled on through the snow and up the +rocks to the summit of the pass—here we met an old lady, in a blue ugly, +with a pair of green spectacles, carried in a _chaise à porteur_; she had +taken it into her head in her old age that she would like to see a little +of the world, and here she was. We had seen her lady’s maid at the +hospice, concerning whom we were told that she was “bien sage,” and did +not scream at the precipices. On the top of the Gemini, too, at +half-past seven in the morning, we had met a somewhat similar lady +walking alone with a blue parasol over the snow; about half an hour after +we met some porters carrying her luggage, and found that she was an +invalid lady of Berne, who was walking over to the baths at Leukerbad for +the benefit of her health—we scarcely thought there could be much +occasion—leaving these two good ladies then, let us descend the Grimsel +to the bottom of the glacier of the Rhône, and then ascend the Furka—a +stiff pull; we got there by two o’clock, dined (Italian is spoken here +again), and finally reached Hospenthal at half-past five after a very +long day. + +On Thursday walking down to Amstegg and taking a trap to Flüelen, we then +embarked on board a steamer and had a most enjoyable ride to Lucerne, +where we slept; Friday to Basle by rail, walking over the Hauenstein, +{233a} and getting a magnificent panorama (alas! a final one) of the +Alps, and from Basle to Strasburg, where we ascended the cathedral as far +as they would let us without special permission from a power they called +Mary, and then by the night train to Paris, where we arrived Saturday +morning at ten. + +Left Paris on Sunday afternoon, slept at Dieppe; left Dieppe Monday +morning, got to London at three o’clock or thereabouts, and might have +reached Cambridge that night had we been so disposed; next day came +safely home to dear old St. John’s, cash in hand 7_d._ + +From my window {233b} in the cool of the summer twilight I look on the +umbrageous chestnuts that droop into the river; Trinity library rears its +stately proportions on the left; opposite is the bridge; over that, on +the right, the thick dark foliage is blackening almost into sombreness as +the night draws on. Immediately beneath are the arched cloisters +resounding with the solitary footfall of meditative students, and +suggesting grateful retirement. I say to myself then, as I sit in my +open window, that for a continuance I would rather have this than any +scene I have visited during the whole of our most enjoyed tour, and fetch +down a Thucydides, for I must go to Shilleto at nine o’clock to-morrow. + + + + +Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus + + +_This piece and the ten that follow it date from Butler’s undergraduate +days_. _They were preserved by the late Canon Joseph McCormick_, _who +was Butler’s contemporary at Cambridge and knew him well_. + +_In a letter to_ THE TIMES, _published_ 27 _June_, 1902, _shortly after +Butler’s death_, _Canon McCormick gave some interesting details of +Butler’s Cambridge days_. “_I have in my possession_,” _he wrote_, +“_some of the skits with which he amused himself and some of his personal +friends_. _Perhaps the skit professed to be a translation from +Thucydides_, _inimitable in its way_, _applied to Johnians in their +successes or defeats on the river_, _or it was the_ ‘_Prospectus of the +Great Split Society_,’ _attacking those who wished to form narrow or +domineering parties in the College_, _or it was a very striking poem on +Napoleon in St. Helena_, _or it was a play dealing with a visit to the +Paris Exhibition_, _which he sent to_ PUNCH, _and which_, _strange to +say_, _the editor never inserted_, _or it was an examination paper set to +a gyp of a most amusing and clever character_.” _One at least of the +pieces mentioned by Canon McCormick has unfortunately disappeared_. +_Those that have survived are here published for what they are worth_. +_There is no necessity to apologise for their faults and deficiencies_, +_which do not_, _I think_, _obscure their value as documents illustrating +the development of that gift of irony which Butler was afterwards to +wield with such brilliant mastery_. ‘_Napoleon at St. Helena_’ _and_ +‘_The Shield of Achilles_’ _have already appeared in_ THE EAGLE, +_December_, 1902; _the_ “_Translation from Herodotus_,” “_The Shield of +Achilles_,” “_The Two Deans II_,” _and_ “_On the Italian Priesthood_,” +_in_ THE NOTE-BOOKS OF SAMUEL BUTLER; _the_ “_Prospectus of the Great +Split Society_” _and_ “_A Skit on Examinations_” _in_ THE EAGLE, _June_, +1913. + +AND the Johnians practise their tub in the following manner: They select +eight of the most serviceable freshmen and put these into a boat, and to +each one of them they give an oar; and having told them to look at the +backs of the men before them they make them bend forward as far as they +can and at the same moment, and having put the end of the oar into the +water pull it back again in to them about the bottom of the ribs; and if +any of them does not do this or looks about him away from the back of the +man before him they curse him in the most terrible manner, but if he does +what he is bidden they immediately cry out: + +“Well pulled, number so-and-so.” + +For they do not call them by their names but by certain numbers, each man +of them having a number allotted to him in accordance with his place in +the boat, and the first man they call stroke, but the last man bow; and +when they have done this for about fifty miles they come home again, and +the rate they travel at is about twenty-five miles an hour; and let no +one think that this is too great a rate, for I could say many other +wonderful things in addition concerning the rowing of the Johnians, but +if a man wishes to know these things he must go and examine them himself. +But when they have done they contrive some such a device as this, for +they make them run many miles along the side of the river in order that +they may accustom them to great fatigue, and many of them being +distressed in this way fall down and die, but those who survive become +very strong, and receive gifts of cups from the others; and after the +revolution of a year they have great races with their boats against those +of the surrounding islanders, but the Johnians, both owing to the +carefulness of the training and a natural disposition for rowing, are +always victorious. In this way then the Johnians, I say, practise their +tub. + + + + +The Shield of Achilles, with Variations + + +AND in it he placed the Fitzwilliam and King’s College Chapel and the +lofty towered church of the Great Saint Mary, which looketh toward the +Senate House, and King’s Parade and Trumpington Road and the Pitt Press +and the divine opening of the Market Square and the beautiful flowing +fountain which formerly Hobson laboured to make with skilful art; him did +his father beget in the many-public-housed Trumpington from a slavey +mother, and taught him blameless works; and he, on the other hand, sprang +up like a young shoot, and many beautifully matched horses did he nourish +in his stable, which used to convey his rich possessions to London and +the various cities of the world; but oftentimes did he let them out to +others and whensoever anyone was desirous of hiring one of the +long-tailed horses, he took them in order so that the labour was equal to +all, wherefore do men now speak of the choice of the renowned Hobson. +And in it he placed the close of the divine Parker, and many beautiful +undergraduates were delighting their tender minds upon it playing cricket +with one another; and a match was being played and two umpires were +quarrelling with one another; the one saying that the batsman who was +playing was out, and the other declaring with all his might that he was +not; and while they two were contending, reviling one another with +abusive language, a ball came and hit one of them on the nose, and the +blood flowed out in a stream, and darkness was covering his eyes, but the +rest were crying out on all sides: + +“Shy it up.” + +And he could not; him then was his companion addressing with scornful +words: + +“Arnold, why dost thou strive with me since I am much wiser? Did I not +see his leg before the wicket and rightly declare him to be out? Thee +then has Zeus now punished according to thy deserts, and I will seek some +other umpire of the game equally-participated-in-by-both-sides.” + +And in it he placed the Cam, and many boats equally rowed on both sides +were going up and down on the bosom of the deep-rolling river, and the +coxswains were cheering on the men, for they were going to enter the +contest of the scratchean fours; and three men were rowing together in a +boat, strong and stout and determined in their hearts that they would +either first break a blood-vessel or earn for themselves the +electroplated-Birmingham-manufactured magnificence of a pewter to stand +on their hall tables in memorial of their strength, and from time to time +drink from it the exhilarating streams of beer whensoever their dear +heart should compel them; but the fourth was weak and unequally matched +with the others, and the coxswain was encouraging him and called him by +name and spake cheering words: + +“Smith, when thou hast begun the contest, be not flurried nor strive too +hard against thy fate; look at the back of the man before thee and row +with as much strength as the Fates spun out for thee on the day when thou +fellest between the knees of thy mother, neither lose thine oar, but hold +it tight with thy hands.” + + + + +Prospectus of the Great Split Society + + +IT is the object of this society to promote parties and splits in +general, and since of late we have perceived disunion among friends to be +not nearly so ripe as in the Bible it is plainly commanded to be, we the +members of this club have investigated the means of producing, fostering, +and invigorating strife of all kinds, whereby the society of man will be +profited much. For in a few hours we can by the means we have discovered +create so beautiful a dissension between two who have lately been +friends, that they shall never speak of one another again, and their +spirit is to be greatly admired and praised for this. And since it is +the great goddess Talebearer who has contributed especially to our +success, inasmuch as where she is not strife will cease as surely as the +fire goeth out when there is no wood to feed it, we will erect an altar +to her and perform monthly rites at her shrine in a manner hereafter to +be detailed. And all men shall do homage to her, for who is there that +hath not felt her benefits? And the rites shall be of a cheerful +character, and all the world shall be right merry, and we will write her +a hymn and Walmisley {239} shall set it to music. And any shall be +eligible to this society by only changing his name; for this is one of +its happiest hits, to give a name to each of its members arising from +some mental peculiarity (which the gods and peacemakers call “foible”), +whereby each being perpetually kept in mind of this defect and being +always willing to justify it shall raise a clamour and cause much delight +to the assembly. + +And we will have suppers once a month both to do honour unto Talebearer +and to promote her interest. And the society has laid down a form of +conversation to be used at all such meetings, which shall engender +quarrellings even in the most unfavourable dispositions, and inflame the +anger of one and all; and having raised it shall set it going and start +it on so firm a basis as that it may be left safely to work its own way, +for there shall be no fear of its dying out. + +And the great key to this admirable treasure-house is Self, who hath two +beautiful children, Self-Love and Self-Pride . . . We have also aided our +project much by the following contrivance, namely, that ten of the +society, the same who have the longest tongues and ears, shall make a +quorum to manage all affairs connected with it; and it is difficult to +comprehend the amount of quarrelling that shall go on at these meetings. + +And the monthly suppers shall be ordered in this way: Each man must take +at least two tablespoonfuls of vinegar, which shall make the wit sharp, +or in default thereof one teaspoonful of pepper and mustard; for the rest +we leave the diet to the management of our stewards and bursars, but +after the cloth has been removed the president shall single out some one +of the company, and in a calm and friendly manner acquaint him with his +faults and advise him in what way he may best amend the same. The member +selected is compelled by the rules to remain silent for the space of +three minutes, and is then to retort and bring up six instances. He is +to call the present members to witness, and all are to take one side or +the other, so that none be neutral, and the mêlée will doubtless become +general, and we expect that much beautiful latent abusive talent will be +developed in this way. But let all this be done with an air of great +politeness, sincerity, and goodwill, at least at the commencement, for +this, when evidently fictitious, is a two-edged sword of irritation. + +And if any grow weak in spirit and retreat from this society, and +afterwards repent and wish again to join, he shall be permitted to do so +on condition of repeating the words, “Oh, ah!” “Lor!” “Such is life,” +“That’s cheerful,” “He’s a lively man, is Mr. So-and-so” ten times over. +For these are refreshing and beautiful words and mean much (!), they are +the emblems of such talent. + +And any members are at liberty to have small meetings among themselves, +especially to tea, whereat they may enjoy the ever fresh and pleasant +luxury of scandal and mischief-making, and prepare their accusations and +taunts for the next general meeting; and this is not only permitted but +enjoined and recommended strongly to all the members. + +And sentences shall be written for the training of any young hand who +wishes to become one of us, since none can hope to arrive at once at the +pitch of perfection to which the society has brought the art. And if +that any should be heard of his own free will and invention uttering one +or more of these sentences and by these means indicate much talent in the +required direction, he shall be waited on by a committee of the club and +induced, if possible, to join us, for he will be an acquisition; and the +sentences required are such as: “I think so-and-so a very jolly fellow, +indeed I don’t know a man in the college I like better than so-and-so, +but I don’t care twopence about him, at least it is all the same to me +whether he cuts me or not.” + +The beauty of this sentence is not at first appreciable, for though +self-deceit and self-satisfaction are both very powerfully demonstrated +in it, and though these are some of the society’s most vehement +supporters, yet it is the good goddess Talebearer who nourisheth the seed +of mischief thus sown. + +It is also strictly forbidden by this society’s laws to form a firm +friendship grounded upon esteem and a perception of great and good +qualities in the object of one’s liking, for this kind of friendship +lasts a long time—nay, for life; but each member must have a furious and +passionate running after his friend for the time being, insomuch that he +could never part for an instant from him. And when the society sees this +it feels comfortable, for it is quite certain that its objects are being +promoted, for this cannot be brought about by any but unnatural means and +is the foundation and very soul of quarrelling. The stroking of the hair +and affectionate embracings are much recommended, for they are so manly. + +And at the suppers and the rites of Talebearer each member is to drop an +anonymous opinion of some other member’s character into a common letter +box, and the president shall read them out. Each member is to defend +himself; the formula for the commencement of each speech being: “I know +who wrote that about me, and it is a very blackguardly thing of him to +say . . . ” + +N.B.—Any number of persons are allowed to speak at the same time. By +these means it is hoped to restore strife and dissension to the world, +now alas! so fatally subjugated to a mean-spirited thing called Charity, +which during the last month has been perfectly rampant in the college. +Yes, we will give a helping hand to bickerings, petty jealousies, +back-bitings, and all sorts of good things, and will be as jolly as +ninepence and—who’ll be the first president? + + + + +Powers + + +BUT, my son, think not that it is necessary for thee to be excellent if +thou wouldst be powerful. Observe how the lighter substance in nature +riseth by its own levity and overtoppeth that which is the more grave. +Even so, my son, mayest thou be light and worthless, and yet make a +goodly show above those who are of a more intrinsic value than thyself. +But as much circumspection will be necessary for thee to attain this +glorious end, and as by reason of thy youth thou art liable to miss many +of the most able and effective means of becoming possessed of it, hear +the words of an old man and treasure them in thy heart. The required +qualities, my son, are easily procured; many are naturally gifted with +them. In order, however, that thou mayest keep them in set form in thy +mind commit to memory the following list of requisites: Love of self, +love of show, love of sound, reserve, openness, distrust. + +The love of self, which shall chiefly manifest itself in the obtaining +the best of all things for thyself to the exclusion of another, be he who +he may; and as meal-times are the fittest occasion for the exercise of +this necessary quality, I will even illustrate my meaning that thou +mayest the more plainly comprehend me. Suppose that many are congregated +to a breakfast and there is a dish of kidneys on the table, but not so +many but what the greater number must go without them, cry out with a +loud voice, immediately that thou hast perceived them: “Kidneys! Oh, ah! +I say, G., old fellow, give us some kidneys.” Then will the master of +the house be pleased that he hath provided something to thy liking, and +as others from false shame will fear to do the like thou wilt both obtain +that thy soul desireth, and be looked upon by thy fellows as a bold +fellow and one who knoweth how to make his way in the world, and G. will +say immediately: “Waiter, take this to Mr. Potguts,” and he taketh them, +and so on, my son, with all other meats that are on the table, see thou +refrain not from one of them, for a large appetite well becometh a power, +or if not a large one then a dainty one. But if thine appetite be small +and dainty see thou express contempt for a large eater as one inferior to +thyself. Or again, my son, if thou art not at a banquet but enterest any +room where there are many met together, see thou take the arm-chair or +the best seat or couch, or what other place of comfort is in the room; +and if there be another power in the room as well as thyself see thou +fight with him for it, and if thou canst by any craft get rid of him an +he be more thickly set than thyself, see that thou do this openly and +with a noise, that all men may behold and admire thee, for they will fear +thee and yield and not venture to reprove thee openly; and so long as +they dare not, all will be well. Nevertheless I would have thee keep +within certain bounds, lest men turn upon thee if thy rule is too +oppressive to be borne. And under this head I would class also the care +and tending of the sick; for in the first place the sick have many +delicacies which those who are sound have not, so that if thou lay the +matter well, thou mayest obtain the lion’s share of these things also. +But more particularly the minds of men being weak and easily overpowered +when they are in sickness, thou shalt obtain much hold over them, and +when they are well (whether thou didst really comfort them or not) they +will fear to say aught against thee, lest men shall accuse them of +ingratitude. But above all see thou do this openly and in the sight of +men, who thinking in consequence that thy heart is very soft and amiable +notwithstanding a few outward defects, will not fail to commend thee and +submit to thee the more readily, and so on all counts thou art the +gainer, and it will serve thee as an excuse with the authorities for the +neglect or breach of duty. But all this is the work of an exceedingly +refined and clever power and not absolutely necessary, but I have named +it as a means of making thy yoke really the lighter but nevertheless the +more firmly settled upon the neck of thy fellows. So much then for the +love of self. + +As for the love of show this is to display itself in thy dress, in the +trimming or in the growth of thy whiskers, in thy walk and carriage, in +the company thou keepest, seeing that thou go with none but powers or men +of wealth or men of title, and caring not so much for men of parts, since +these commonly deal less in the exterior and are not fit associates, for +thou canst have nothing in common with them. When thou goest to thy +dinner let a time elapse, so that thine entry may cause a noise and a +disturbance, and when after much bustling thou hast taken thy seat, say +not: “Waiter, will you order me green peas and a glass of college,” but +say: “Waiter (and then a pause), peas,” and then suffer him to depart, +and when he hath gone some little way recall him with a loud voice, which +shall reach even unto the ears of the fellows, say, “and, waiter, +college”; and when they are brought unto thee complain bitterly of the +same. When thou goest to chapel talk much during the service, or pray +much; do not the thing by halves; thou must either be the very religious +power, which kind though the less remarked yet on the whole hath the +greater advantage, or the thoughtless power, but above all see thou +combine not the two, at least not in the same company, but let thy +religion be the same to the same men. Always, if thou be a careless +power, come in late to chapel and hurriedly; sit with the other powers +and converse with them on the behaviour of others or any other light and +agreeable topic. And, as I said above, under this love of show thou must +include the choice of thine acquaintance, and as it is not possible for +thee to order it so as not to have knowledge of certain men whom it will +not be convenient for thee to know at all times and in all places, see +thou cultivate those two excellent defects of both sight and hearing +which will enable thee to pass one thou wouldst not meet, without seeing +him or hearing his salutation. If thou hast a cousin or schoolfellow who +is somewhat rustic or uncouth in his manner but nevertheless hath an +excellent heart, know him in private in thine individual capacity, but +when thou art abroad or in the company of other powers shun him as if he +were a venomous thing and deadly. Again, if thou sittest at table with a +man at the house of a friend and laughest and talkest with him and +playest pleasant, if he be not perfect in respect of externals see thou +pass him the next day without a smile, even though he may have prepared +his countenance for a thousand grins; but if in the house of the same +friend or another thou shouldst happen to stumble upon him, deal with him +as though thy previous conversation had broken off but five minutes +previously; but should he be proud and have all nothing to say unto thee, +forthwith calumniate him to thine acquaintance as a sorry-spirited fellow +and mean. + +And with regard to smoking, though that, too, is advantageous, it is not +necessary so much for the power as for the fast man, for the power is a +more calculating and thoughtful being than this one; but if thou smokest, +see that others know it; smoke cigars if thou canst afford them; if not, +say thou wonderest at such as do, for to thy liking a pipe is better. +And with regard to all men except thine own favoured and pre-eminent +clique, designate them as “cheerful,” “lively,” or use some other +ironical term with regard to them. So much then for the love of show. + +And of the love of sound I would have thee observe that it is but a +portion of the love of show, but so necessary for him who would be +admired without being at the same time excellent and worthy of admiration +as to deserve a separate heading to itself. At meal-times talk loudly, +laugh loudly, condemn loudly; if thou sneezest sneeze loudly; if thou +call the waiter do so with a noise and, if thou canst, while he is +speaking to another and receiving orders from him; it will be a +convenient test of thine advance to see whether he will at once quit the +other in the midst of his speech with him and come to thee, or will wait +until the other hath done; if thou handle it well he will come to thee at +once. When others are in their rooms, as thou passeth underneath their +windows, sing loudly and all men will know that a power goeth by and will +hush accordingly; if thou hast a good voice it will profit thee much, if +a bad one, care not so long as it be a loud one; but above all be it +remembered that it is to be loud at all times and not low when with +powers greater than thyself, for this damneth much—even powers being +susceptible of awe, when they shall behold one resolutely bent to out-top +them, and thinking it advisable to lend such an one a helping hand lest +he overthrow them—but if thy voice be not a loud one, thou hadst better +give up at once the hope of rising to a height by thine own skill, but +must cling to and flatter those who have, and if thou dost this well thou +wilt succeed. + +And of personal strength and prowess in bodily accomplishment, though of +great help in the origin, yet are they not necessary; but the more thou +lackest physical and mental powers the more must thou cling to the +powerful and rise with them; the more careful must thou be of thy dress, +and the more money will it cost thee, for thou must fill well the +bladders that keep thee on the surface, else wilt thou sink. + +And of reserve, let no man know anything about thee. If thy father is a +greengrocer, as I dare say is the case with some of the most mighty +powers in the land, what matter so long as another knoweth it not? See +that thou quell all inquisitive attempts to discover anything about thine +habits, thy country, thy parentage, and, in a word, let no one know +anything of thee beyond the exterior; for if thou dost let them within +thy soul, they will find but little, but if it be barred and locked, men +will think that by reason of thy strong keeping of the same, it must +contain much; and they will admire thee upon credit. + +And of openness, be reserved in the particular, open in the general; talk +of debts, of women, of money, but say not what debts, what women, or what +money; be most open when thou doest a shabby thing, which thou knowest +will not escape detection. If thy coat is bad, laugh and boast +concerning it, call attention to it and say thou hast had it for ten +years, which will be a lie, but men will nevertheless think thee frank, +but run not the risk of wearing a bad coat, save only in vacation time or +in the country. But when thou doest a shabby thing which will not reach +the general light, breathe not a word of it, but bury it deeply in some +corner of thine own knowledge only; if it come out, glory in it; if not, +let it sleep, for it is an unprofitable thing to turn over bad ground. + +And of distrust, distrust all men, most of all thine own friends; they +will know thee best, and thou them; thy real worth cannot escape them, +think not then that thou wilt get service out of them in thy need, think +not that they will deny themselves that thou mayest be saved from want, +that they will in after life put out a finger to save thee, when thou +canst be of no more use to them, the clique having been broken up by +time. Nay, but be in thyself sufficient; distrust, and lean not so much +as an ounce-weight upon another. + +These things keep and thou shalt do well; keep them all and thou wilt be +perfect; the more thou keep, the more nearly wilt thou arrive at the end +I proposed to thee at the commencement, and even if thou doest but one of +these things thoroughly, trust me thou wilt still have much power over +thy fellows. + + + + +A Skit on Examinations + + +_It should be explained that Tom Bridges was a gyp at St. John’s +College_, _during Butler’s residence at Cambridge_. + +WE now come to the most eventful period in Mr. Bridges’ life: we mean the +time when he was elected to the shoe-black scholarship, compared with +which all his previous honours sank into insignificance. + +Mr. Bridges had long been desirous of becoming a candidate for this +distinction, but, until the death of Mr. Leader, no vacancy having +occurred among the scholars, he had as yet had no opportunity of going in +for it. The income to be derived from it was not inconsiderable, and as +it led to the porter fellowship the mere pecuniary value was not to be +despised, but thirst of fame and the desire of a more public position +were the chief inducements to a man of Mr. Bridges’ temperament, in which +ambition and patriotism formed so prominent a part. Latin, however, was +not Mr. Bridges’ forte; he excelled rather in the higher branches of +arithmetic and the abstruse sciences. His attainments, however, in the +dead languages were beyond those of most of his contemporaries, as the +letter he sent to the Master and Seniors will abundantly prove. It was +chiefly owing to the great reverence for genius shown by Dr. Tatham that +these letters have been preserved to us, as that excellent man, +considering that no circumstance connected with Mr. Bridges’ celebrity +could be justly consigned to oblivion, rescued these valuable relics from +the Bedmaker, as she was on the point of using them to light the fire. +By him they were presented to the author of this memoir, who now for the +first time lays them before the public. The first was to the Master +himself, and ran as follows:— + + Reverende Sir, + + Possum bene blackere shoas, et locus shoe-blackissis vacuus est. + Makee me shoeblackum si hoc tibi placeat, precor te, quia desidero + hoc locum. + + Your very humble servant, + THOMASUS BRIDGESSUS. + +We subjoin Mr. Bridges’ autograph. The reader will be astonished to +perceive its resemblance to that of Napoleon I, with whom he was very +intimate, and with anecdotes of whom he used very frequently to amuse his +masters. We add that of Napoleon. + + THOMAS BRIDGES + + NAPOLEON + +The second letter was to the Senior Bursar, who had often before proved +himself a friend to Mr. Bridges, and did not fail him in this instance. + + BURSARE SENIOR, + + Ego humiliter begs pardonum te becausus quaereri dignitatum + shoeblacki and credo me getturum esse hoc locum. + + Your humble servant, + THOMASUS BRIDGESSUS. + +Shortly afterwards Mr. Bridges was called upon, with six other +competitors, to attend in the Combination Room, and the following papers +were submitted to him. + + + +I + + +1. Derive the word “blacking.” What does Paley say on this subject? Do +you, or do you not, approve of Paley’s arguments, and why? Do you think +that Paley knew anything at all about it? + +2. Who were Day and Martin? Give a short sketch of their lives, and +state their reasons for advertising their blacking on the Pyramids. Do +you approve of the advertising system in general? + +3. Do you consider the Japanese the original inventors of blacking? +State the principal ingredients of blacking, and give a chemical analysis +of the following substances: Sulphate of zinc, nitrate of silver, +potassium, copperas and corrosive sublimate. + +4. Is blacking an effective remedy against hydrophobia? Against +cholera? Against lock-jaw? And do you consider it as valuable an +instrument as burnt corks in playing tricks upon a drunken man? + + * * * * * + +This was the Master’s paper. The Mathematical Lecturer next gave him a +few questions, of which the most important were:— + + + +II + + +1. Prove that the shoe may be represented by an equation of the fifth +degree. Find the equation to a man blacking a shoe: (1) in rectangular +co-ordinates; (2) in polar co-ordinates. + +2. A had 500 shoes to black every day, but being unwell for two days he +had to hire a substitute, and paid him a third of the wages per shoe +which he himself received. Had A been ill two days longer there would +have been the devil to pay; as it was he actually paid the sum of the +geometrical series found by taking the first _n_ letters of the +substitute’s name. How much did A pay the substitute? (Answer, 13_s._ +6_d._) + +3. Prove that the scraping-knife should never be a secant, and the brush +always a tangent to a shoe. + +4. Can you distinguish between _meum_ and _tuum_? Prove that their +values vary inversely as the propinquity of the owners. + +5. How often should a shoe-black ask his master for beer notes? +Interpret a negative result. + + + + +An Eminent Person + + +AMONG the eminent persons deceased during the past week we have to notice +Mr. Arthur Ward, the author of the very elegant treatise on the penny +whistle. Mr. Ward was rather above the middle height, inclined to be +stout, and had lost a considerable portion of his hair. Mr. Ward did not +wear spectacles, as asserted by a careless and misinformed contemporary. +Mr. Ward was a man of great humour and talent; many of his sayings will +be treasured up as household words among his acquaintance, for instance, +“Lor!” “Oh, ah!” “Sech is life.” “That’s cheerful.” “He’s a lively +man is Mr. . . . ” His manners were affable and agreeable, and his +playful gambols exhibited an agility scarcely to be expected from a man +of his stature. On Thursday last Mr. Ward was dining off beef-steak pie +when a bit of gristle, unfortunately causing him to cough, brought on a +fit of apoplexy, the progress of which no medical assistance was able to +arrest. It is understood that the funeral arrangements have been +entrusted to our very respectable fellow-townsman Mr. Smith, and will +take place on Monday. + + + + +Napoleon at St. Helena + + + I see a warrior ’neath a willow tree; + His arms are folded, and his full fixed eye + Is gazing on the sky. The evening breeze + Blows on him from the sea, and a great storm + Is rising. Not the storm nor evening breeze, + Nor the dark sea, nor the sun’s parting beam + Can move him; for in yonder sky he sees + The picture of his life, in yonder clouds + That rush towards each other he beholds + The mighty wars that he himself hath waged. + Blow on him, mighty storm; beat on him, rain; + You cannot move his folded arms nor turn + His gaze one second from the troubled sky. + Hark to the thunder! To him it is not thunder; + It is the noise of battles and the din + Of cannons on the field of Austerlitz, + The sky to him is the whole world disturbed + By war and rumours of great wars. + He tumbled like a thunderbolt from heaven + Upon the startled earth, and as he came + The round world leapt from out her usual course + And thought her time was come. Beat on him, rain; + And roar about him, O thou voice of thunder. + But what are ye to him? O more to him + Than all besides. To him ye are himself, + He knows it and your voice is lovely to him. + Hath brought the warfare to a close. + The storm is over; one terrific crash + Now, now he feels it, and he turns away; + His arms are now unfolded, and his hands + Pressed to his face conceal a warrior’s tears. + He flings himself upon the springing grass, + And weeps in agony. See, again he rises; + His brow is calm, and all his tears are gone. + The vision now is ended, and he saith: + “Thou storm art hushed for ever. Not again + Shall thy great voice be heard. Unto thy rest + Thou goest, never never to return. + I thank thee, that for one brief hour alone + Thou hast my bitter agonies assuaged; + Another storm may scare the frightened heavens, + And like to me may rise and fill + The elements with terror. I, alas! + Am blotted out as though I had not been, + And am become as though I was not born. + My day is over, and my night is come— + A night which brings no rest, nor quiet dreams, + Nor calm reflections, nor repose from toil, + But pain and sorrow, anguish never ceasing, + With dark uncertainty, despair and pain, + And death’s wide gate before me. Fare ye well! + The sky is clear and the world at rest; + Thou storm and I have but too much in common.” + + + + +The Two Deans + + +I + + + WILLIAMS, I like thee, amiable divine! + No milk-and-water character is thine. + A lay more lovely should thy worth attend + Than my poor muse, alas! hath power to lend. + Shall I describe thee as thou late didst sit, + The gater gated and the biter bit, + When impious hands at the dead hour of night + Forbade the way and made the barriers tight? + Next morn I heard their impious voices sing; + All up the stairs their blasphemies did ring: + “Come forth, O Williams, wherefore thus supine + Remain within thy chambers after nine? + Come forth, suffer thyself to be admired, + And blush not so, coy dean, to be desired.” + The captive churchman chafes with empty rage, + Till some knight-errant free him from his cage. + Pale fear and anger sit upon yon face + Erst full of love and piety and grace, + But not pale fear nor anger will undo + The iron might of gimlet and of screw. + Grin at the window, Williams, all is vain; + The carpenter will come and let thee out again. + Contrast with him the countenance serene + And sweet remonstrance of the junior dean; + The plural number and the accents mild, + The language of a parent to a child. + With plaintive voice the worthy man doth state, + We’ve not been very regular of late. + It should more carefully its chapels keep, + And not make noises to disturb our sleep + By having suppers and at early hours + Raising its lungs unto their utmost powers. + We’ll put it, if it makes a noise again, + On gatesey patsems at the hour of ten; + And leafy peafy it will turn I’m sure, + And never vex its own dear Sharpey more. + + + +II + + +SCENE.—_The Court of St. John’s College_, _Cambridge_. _Enter the two +Deans on their way to morning chapel_. + + JUNIOR DEAN. Brother, I am much pleased with Samuel Butler, + I have observed him mightily of late; + Methinks that in his melancholy walk + And air subdued whene’er he meeteth me + Lurks something more than in most other men. + + SENIOR DEAN. It is a good young man. I do bethink me + That once I walked behind him in the cloister; + He saw me not, but whispered to his fellow: + “Of all men who do dwell beneath the moon + I love and reverence most the senior Dean.” + + JUNIOR DEAN. One thing is passing strange, and yet I know not + How to condemn it, but in one plain brief word + He never comes to Sunday morning chapel. + Methinks he teacheth in some Sunday-school, + Feeding the poor and starveling intellect + With wholesome knowledge, or on the Sabbath morn + He loves the country and the neighbouring spire + Of Madingley or Coton, or perchance + Amid some humble poor he spends the day, + Conversing with them, learning all their cares, + Comforting them and easing them in sickness. + + SENIOR DEAN. I will advance him to some public post, + He shall be chapel clerk, some day a Fellow, + Some day perhaps a Dean, but as thou say’st + He is indeed an excellent young man— + +_Enter_ BUTLER _suddenly_, _without a coat or anything on his head_, +_rushing through the cloisters_, _bearing a cup_, _a bottle of cider_, +_four lemons_, _two nutmegs_, _half a pound of sugar and a nutmeg +grater_. + +_Curtain falls on the confusion of_ BUTLER _and the horror-stricken +dismay of the two Deans_. + + + + +The Battle of Alma Mater + + +I + + + THE Temperance commissioners + In awful conclave sat, + Their noses into this to poke + To poke them into that— + In awful conclave sat they, + And swore a solemn oath, + That snuff should make no Briton sneeze, + That smokers all to smoke should cease, + They swore to conquer both. + + + +II + + + Forth went a great Teetotaller, + With pamphlet armed and pen, + He travelled east, he travelled west, + Tobacco to condemn. + At length to Cantabrigia, + To move her sons to shame, + Foredoomed to chaff and insult, + That gallant hero came. + + + +III + + + ’Tis Friday: to the Guildhall + Come pouring in apace + The gownsmen and the townsmen + Right thro’ the market place— + They meet, these bitter foemen + Not enemies but friends— + Then fearless to the rostrum, + The Lecturer ascends. + + + +IV + + + He cursed the martyr’d Raleigh, + He cursed the mild cigar, + He traced to pipe and cabbage leaf + Consumption and catarrh; + He railed at simple bird’s-eye, + By freshmen only tried, + And with rude and bitter jest assailed + The yard of clay beside. + + + +V + + + When suddenly full twenty pipes, + And weeds full twenty more + Were seen to rise at signal, + Where none were seen before. + No mouth but puffed out gaily + A cloud of yellow fume, + And merrily the curls of smoke + Went circling ’thro the room. + + + +VI + + + In vain th’ indignant mayor harangued, + A mighty chandler he! + While peas his hoary head around + They whistled pleasantly. + In vain he tenderly inquired, + ’Mid many a wild “hurrah!” + “Of this what father dear would think, + Of that what dear mamma?” + + + +VII + + + In rushed a host of peelers, + With a sergeant at the head, + Jaggard to every kitchen known, + Of missuses the dread. + In rushed that warlike multitude, + Like bees from out their hive, + With Fluffy of the squinting eye, + And fighting No. 5. + + + +VIII + + + Up sprang Inspector Fluffy, + Up Sergeant Jaggard rose, + And playfully with staff he tapped + A gownsman on the nose. + As falls a thundersmitten oak, + The valiant Jaggard fell, + With a line above each ogle, + And a “mouse” or two as well. + + + +IX + + + But hark! the cry is “Smuffkins!” + And loud the gownsmen cheer, + And lo! a stalwart Johnian + Comes jostling from the rear: + He eyed the flinching peelers, + He aimed a deadly blow, + Then quick before his fist went down + Inspector, Marshal, Peelers, Town, + While fiercer fought the joyful Gown, + To see the claret flow. + + + +X + + + They run, they run! to win the door + The vanquished peelers flew; + They left the sergeant’s hat behind, + And the lecturer’s surtout: + Now by our Lady Margaret, + It was a goodly sight, + To see that routed multitude + Swept down the tide of flight. + + + +XI + + + Then hurrah! for gallant Smuffkins, + For Cantabs one hurrah! + Like wolves in quest of prey they scent + A peeler from afar. + Hurrah! for all who strove and bled + For liberty and right, + What time within the Guildhall + Was fought the glorious fight. + + + + +On the Italian Priesthood + + +_This an adaptation of the following epigram_, _which appeared in +Giuseppe Giusti’s_ RACCOLTA DI PROVERBI TOSCANI (_Firenze_, 1853) + + _Con arte e con inganno si vive mezzo l’anno_ + _Con inganno e con arte si vive l’altra parte_. + + In knavish art and gathering gear + They spend the one half of the year; + In gathering gear and knavish art + They somehow spend the other part. + + + + +Samuel Butler and the Simeonites + + +_The following article_, _which originally appeared in the_ CAMBRIDGE +MAGAZINE, 1 _March_, 1913, _is by Mr. A. T. Bartholomew_, _of the +University Library_, _Cambridge_, _who has most kindly allowed me to +include it in the present volume_. _Mr. Bartholomew’s discovery of +Samuel Butler’s parody of the Simeonite tract throws a most interesting +light upon a curious passage in_ THE WAY OF ALL FLESH, _and it is a great +pleasure to me to be able to give Butlerians the story of Mr. +Bartholomew’s_ “_find_” _in his own words_. + +READERS of Samuel Butler’s remarkable story _The Way of All Flesh_ will +probably recall his description of the Simeonites (chap. xlvii), who +still flourished at Cambridge when Ernest Pontifex was up at Emmanuel. +Ernest went down in 1858; so did Butler. Throughout the book the +spiritual and intellectual life and development of Ernest are drawn from +Butler’s own experience. + +“The one phase of spiritual activity which had any life in it during the +time Ernest was at Cambridge was connected with the name of Simeon. +There were still a good many Simeonites, or as they were more briefly +called ‘Sims,’ in Ernest’s time. Every college contained some of them, +but their head-quarters were at Caius, whither they were attracted by Mr. +Clayton, who was at that time senior tutor, and among the sizars of St. +John’s. Behind the then chapel of this last-named college was a +‘labyrinth’ (this was the name it bore) of dingy, tumble-down rooms,” and +here dwelt many Simeonites, “unprepossessing in feature, gait, and +manners, unkempt and ill-dressed beyond what can be easily described. +Destined most of them for the Church, the Simeonites held themselves to +have received a very loud call to the ministry . . . They would be +instant in season and out of season in imparting spiritual instruction to +all whom they could persuade to listen to them. But the soil of the more +prosperous undergraduates was not suitable for the seed they tried to +sow. When they distributed tracts, dropping them at night into good +men’s letter boxes while they were asleep, their tracts got burnt, or met +with even worse contumely.” For Ernest Pontifex “they had a repellent +attraction; he disliked them, but he could not bring himself to leave +them alone. On one occasion he had gone so far as to parody one of the +tracts they had sent round in the night, and to get a copy dropped into +each of the leading Simeonites’ boxes. The subject he had taken was +‘Personal Cleanliness.’” + +Some years ago I found among the Cambridge papers in the late Mr. J. W. +Clark’s collection three printed pieces bearing on the subject. The +first is a genuine Simeonite tract; the other two are parodies. All +three are anonymous. At the top of the second parody is written “By S. +Butler. March 31.” It will be necessary to give a few quotations from +the Simeonite utterance in order to bring out the full flavour of +Butler’s parody, which is given entire. Butler went up to St. John’s in +October, 1854; so at the time of writing this squib he was in his second +term, and 18 years of age. + + A. T. B. + +I.—_Extracts from the sheet dated_ “_St. John’s College_, _March_ 13_th_, +1855.” _In a manuscript note this is stated to be by Ynyr Lamb_, _of St. +John’s_ (_B.A._, 1862). + +1. When a celebrated French king once showed the infidel philosopher +Hume into his carriage, the latter at once leaped in, on which his +majesty remarked: “That’s the most accomplished man living.” + +It is impossible to presume enough on Divine grace; this kind of +presumption is the characteristic of Heaven. . . + +2. Religion is not an obedience to external forms or observances, but “a +bold leap in the dark into the arms of an affectionate Father.” + +4. However Church Music may raise the devotional feelings, these bring a +man not one iota nearer to Christ, neither is it acceptable in His sight. + +13. The _one_ thing needful is Faith: Faith = ¼ (historical faith) + ¾ +(heart-belief, or assurance, or justification) 1¾ peace; and peace=Ln +Trust - care+joy _n_-_r_+1 + +18. The Lord’s church has been always peculiarly tried at different +stages of history, and each era will have its peculiar glory in eternity. +. . . At the present time the trial for the church is peculiar; never +before, perhaps, were the insinuations of the adversary so plausible and +artful—his ingenuity so subtle—himself so much an angel of +light—experience has sharpened his wit—“_While men slept_ the enemy sowed +tares”—he is now the base hypocrite—he suits his blandishments to all—the +Church is lulled in the arms of the monster, rolling the sweet morsel +under her tongue . . . + + + +II.—_Samuel Butler’s Parody_ + + +1. Beware! Beware! Beware! The enemy sowed tracts in the night, and +the righteous men tremble. + +2. There are only 10 good men in John’s; I am one; reader, calculate +your chance of salvation. + +3. The genuine recipe for the leaven of the Pharisees is still extant, +and runs as follows:—Self-deceit ⅓ + want of charity ½ + outward show ⅓, +humbug ∞, insert Sim or not as required. Reader, let each one who would +seem to be righteous take unto himself this leaven. + +4. “The University Church is a place too much neglected by the young men +up here.” Thus said the learned Selwyn, {269} and he said well. How far +better would it be if each man’s own heart was a little University +Church, the pericardium a little University churchyard, wherein are +buried the lust of the flesh, the pomps and vanities of this wicked +world; the veins and arteries, little clergymen and bishops ministering +therein; and the blood a stream of soberness, temperance and chastity +perpetually flowing into it. + +5. The deluge went before, misery followed after, in the middle came a +Puseyite playing upon an organ. Reader, flee from him, for he playeth +his own soul to damnation. + +6. Church music is as the whore of Babylon, or the ramping lion who +sought whom he might devour; music in a church cannot be good, when St. +Paul bade those who were merry to sing psalms. Music is but tinkling +brass, and sounding cymbals, which is what St. Paul says he should +himself be, were he without charity; he evidently then did not consider +music desirable. + +7. The most truly religious and only thoroughly good man in Cambridge is +Clayton, {270} of Cams. + +8. “Charity is but the compassion that we feel for our own vices when we +perceive their hatefulness in other people.” Charity, then, is but +another name for selfishness, and must be eschewed accordingly. + +9. A great French king was walking one day with the late Mr. B., when +the king dropped his umbrella. Mr. B. instantly stooped down and picked +it up. The king said in a very sweet tone, “Thank you.” + +10. The Cam is the river Jordan. An unthinking mind may consider this a +startling announcement. Let such an one pray for grace to read the +mystery aright. + +11. When I’ve lost a button off my trousers I go to the tailors’ and get +a new one sewn on. + +12. Faith and Works were walking one day on the road to Zion, when Works +turned into a public-house, and said he would not go any further, at the +same time telling Faith to go on by himself, and saying that “he should +be only a drag upon him.” Faith accordingly left Works in the ale-house, +and went on. He had not gone far before he began to feel faint, and +thought he had better turn back and wait for Works. He suited the action +to the word, and finding Works in an advanced state of beer, fell to, and +even surpassed that worthy in his potations. They then set to work and +fought lustily, and would have done each other a mortal injury had not a +Policeman providentially arrived, and walked them off to the +station-house. As it was they were fined Five Shillings each, and it was +a long time before they fully recovered. + +13. What can 10 fools do among 300 sinners? They can do much harm, and +had far better let the sinners seek peace their own way in the wilderness +than ram it down their throats during the night. + +14. Barnwell is a place near Cambridge. It is one of the descents into +the infernal regions; nay, the infernal regions have there ascended to +the upper earth, and are rampant. He that goeth by it shall be scorched, +but he that seeketh it knowingly shall be devoured in the twinkling of an +eye, and become withered as the grass at noonday. + +15. Young men do not seem to consider that houses were made to pray in, +as well as to eat and to drink in. Spiritual food is much more easily +procured and far cheaper than bodily nutriment; that, perhaps, is the +reason why many overlook it. + +16. When we were children our nurses used to say, “Rock-a-bye baby on +the tree top, when the bough bends the cradle will rock.” Do the nurses +intend the wind to represent temptation and the storm of life, the +tree-top ambition, and the cradle the body of the child in which the soul +traverses life’s ocean? I cannot doubt all this passes through the +nurses’ minds. Again, when they say, “Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep +and doesn’t know where to find them; let them alone and they’ll come home +with their tails all right behind them,” is Little Bo-peep intended for +mother Church? Are the sheep our erring selves, and our subsequent +return to the fold? No doubt of it. + +17. A child will often eat of itself what no compulsion can induce it to +touch. Men are disgusted with religion if it is placed before them at +unseasonable times, in unseasonable places, and clothed in a most +unseemly dress. Let them alone, and many will perhaps seek it for +themselves, whom the world suspects not. A whited sepulchre is a very +picturesque object, and I like it immensely, and I like a Sim too. But +the whited sepulchre is an acknowledged humbug and most of the Sims are +not, in my opinion, very far different. + + + + +FOOTNOTES. + + +{207} This was called to my attention by a distinguished Greek scholar +of this University. + +{233a} The Hauenstein tunnel was not completed until later. Its +construction was delayed by a fall of earth which occurred in 1857 and +buried sixty-three workmen.—R. A. S. + +{233b} Mr. J. F. Harris has identified Butler’s rooms in the third court +of St. John’s College.—R. A. S. + +{239} As Walmisley died in January, 1856, this piece must evidently date +from Butler’s first year at Cambridge.—R. A. S. + +{269} William Selwyn D.D., Fellow of St. John’s Lady Margaret Professor +of Divinity, died 1875.—A. T. B. + +{270} Charles Clayton, M.A., of Gonville and Caius, Vicar of Holy +Trinity, Cambridge, 1851–65. Died 1883.—A. T. 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A. Streatfeild + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most +other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + + + + +Title: Cambridge Pieces + + +Author: Samuel Butler + +Editor: R. A. Streatfeild + +Release Date: July 25, 2019 [eBook #3278] +[This file was first posted on March 10, 2001] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAMBRIDGE PIECES*** +</pre> +<p>Transcribed from the 1914 A. C. Fifield edition by David +Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org</p> +<p style="text-align: center"> +<a href="images/cover.jpg"> +<img alt= +"Public domain cover" +title= +"Public domain cover" + src="images/cover.jpg" /> +</a></p> +<h1>CAMBRIDGE PIECES</h1> +<p style="text-align: center">By<br /> +<b>Samuel Butler</b><br /> +<span class="GutSmall">Author of “Erewhon,” +“The Way of All Flesh,” etc.</span></p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center">Edited by R. A. Streatfeild</p> + +<div class="gapspace"> </div> +<p style="text-align: center"><b>London</b>: <b>A. C. +Fifield</b><br /> +1914</p> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> +<table> +<tr> +<td><p> </p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span +class="GutSmall">PAGE</span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>On English Composition and Other Matters</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page205">205</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Our Tour</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page211">211</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page234">234</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>The shield of Achilles, with variations</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page237">237</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Prospectus of the Great Split Society</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page239">239</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Powers</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page244">244</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>A skit on examinations</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page251">251</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>An Eminent Person</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page255">255</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Napoleon at St. Helena</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page256">256</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>The Two Deans. I.</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page258">258</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>The Two Deans. II.</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page259">259</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>The Battle of Alma Mater</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page261">261</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>On the Italian Priesthood</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page265">265</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> +<td><p>Samuel Butler and the Simeonites, by A. T. Bartholomew</p> +</td> +<td><p style="text-align: right"><span class="indexpageno"><a +href="#page266">266</a></span></p> +</td> +</tr> +</table> +<h2><a name="page205"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 205</span>On +English Composition and Other Matters</h2> +<p class="gutsumm"><i>This essay is believed to be the first +composition by Samuel Butler that appeared in print</i>. +<i>It was published in the first number of the</i> <span +class="smcap">Eagle</span>, <i>a magazine written and edited by +members of St. John’s College</i>, <i>Cambridge</i>, <i>in +the Lent Term</i>, 1858, <i>when Butler was in his fourth and +last year of residence</i>.</p> +<p style="text-align: center" class="gutsumm">[From the +<i>Eagle</i>, Vol. 1, No. 1, Lent Term, 1858, p. 41.]</p> +<p>I sit down scarcely knowing how to grasp my own meaning, and +give it a tangible shape in words; and yet it is concerning this +very expression of our thoughts in words that I wish to +speak. As I muse things fall more into their proper places, +and, little fit for the task as my confession pronounces me to +be, I will try to make clear that which is in my mind.</p> +<p>I think, then, that the style of our authors of a couple of +hundred years ago was more terse and masculine than that of those +of the present day, possessing both more of the graphic element, +and more vigour, straightforwardness, and conciseness. Most +readers will have anticipated me in admitting that a man should +be clear of his meaning before he endeavours to give to it any +kind of utterance, and that having made up his mind what to say, +the less thought he takes how to say it, more than briefly, +pointedly, and plainly, the better; for instance, Bacon tells us, +“Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark”; +he does not say, what I can imagine a last century writer to have +said, “A feeling somewhat analogous to the dread with which +children are affected upon entering a dark room, is that which +most men entertain at the contemplation of death.” +Jeremy Taylor says, “Tell them it is as much intemperance +to weep too much as to laugh too much”; he does not say, +“All men will acknowledge that laughing admits of +intemperance, but some men may at first sight hesitate to allow +that a similar imputation may be at times attached to +weeping.”</p> +<p>I incline to believe that as irons support the rickety child, +whilst they impede the healthy one, so rules, for the most part, +are but useful to the weaker among us. Our greatest masters +in language, whether prose or verse, in painting, music, +architecture, or the like, have been those who preceded the rule +and whose excellence gave rise thereto; men who preceded, I +should rather say, not the rule, but the discovery of the rule, +men whose intuitive perception led them to the right +practice. We cannot imagine Homer to have studied rules, +and the infant genius of those giants of their art, Handel, +Mozart, and Beethoven, who composed at the ages of seven, five, +and ten, must certainly have been unfettered by them: to the less +brilliantly endowed, however, they have a use as being +compendious safeguards against error. Let me then lay down +as the best of all rules for writing, “forgetfulness of +self, and carefulness of the matter in hand.” No +simile is out of place that illustrates the subject; in fact a +simile as showing the symmetry of this world’s arrangement, +is always, if a fair one, interesting; every simile is amiss that +leads the mind from the contemplation of its object to the +contemplation of its author. This will apply equally to the +heaping up of unnecessary illustrations: it is as great a fault +to supply the reader with too many as with too few; having given +him at most two, it is better to let him read slowly and think +out the rest for himself than to surfeit him with an abundance of +explanation. Hood says well,</p> +<blockquote><p>And thus upon the public mind intrude it;<br /> +As if I thought, like Otaheitan cooks,<br /> +No food was fit to eat till I had chewed it.</p> +</blockquote> +<p>A book that is worth reading will be worth reading +thoughtfully, and there are but few good books, save certain +novels, that it is well to read in an arm-chair. Most will +bear standing to. At the present time we seem to lack the +impassiveness and impartiality which was so marked among the +writings of our forefathers, we are seldom content with the +simple narration of fact, but must rush off into an almost +declamatory description of them; my meaning will be plain to all +who have studied Thucydides. The dignity of his simplicity +is, I think, marred by those who put in the accessories which +seem thought necessary in all present histories. How few +writers of the present day would not, instead of +<i>νὑξ γὰρ +ἐπεγένετο +τῷ ἓργῳ</i> rather write, +“Night fell upon this horrid scene of bloodshed.” <a +name="citation207"></a><a href="#footnote207" +class="citation">[207]</a> This is somewhat a matter of +taste, but I think I shall find some to agree with me in +preferring for plain narration (of course I exclude oratory) the +unadorned gravity of Thucydides. There are, indeed, some +writers of the present day who seem returning to the statement of +facts rather than their adornment, but these are not the most +generally admired. This simplicity, however, to be truly +effective must be unstudied; it will not do to write with +affected terseness, a charge which, I think, may be fairly +preferred against Tacitus; such a style if ever effective must be +so from excess of artifice and not from that artlessness of +simplicity which I should wish to see prevalent among us.</p> +<p>Neither again is it well to write and go over the ground again +with the pruning knife, though this fault is better than the +other; to take care of the matter, and let the words take care of +themselves, is the best safeguard.</p> +<p>To this I shall be answered, “Yes, but is not a diamond +cut and polished a more beautiful object than when +rough?” I grant it, and more valuable, inasmuch as it +has run chance of spoliation in the cutting, but I maintain that +the thinking man, the man whose thoughts are great and worth the +consideration of others, will “deal in proprieties,” +and will from the mine of his thoughts produce ready-cut +diamonds, or rather will cut them there spontaneously, ere ever +they see the light of day.</p> +<p>There are a few points still which it were well we should +consider. We are all too apt when we sit down to study a +subject to have already formed our opinion, and to weave all +matter to the warp of our preconceived judgment, to fall in with +the received idea, and, with biassed minds, unconsciously to +follow in the wake of public opinion, while professing to lead +it. To the best of my belief half the dogmatism of those we +daily meet is in consequence of the unwitting practices of this +self-deception. Simply let us not talk about what we do not +understand, save as learners, and we shall not by writing mislead +others.</p> +<p>There is no shame in being obliged to others for opinions, the +shame is not being honest enough to acknowledge it: I would have +no one omit to put down a useful thought because it was not his +own, provided it tended to the better expression of his matter, +and he did not conceal its source; let him, however, set out the +borrowed capital to interest. One word more and I have +done. With regard to our subject, the best rule is not to +write concerning that about which we cannot at our present age +know anything save by a process which is commonly called cram: on +all such matters there are abler writers than ourselves; the men, +in fact, from whom we cram. Never let us hunt after a +subject, unless we have something which we feel urged on to say, +it is better to say nothing; who are so ridiculous as those who +talk for the sake of talking, save only those who write for the +sake of writing? But there are subjects which all young men +think about. Who can take a walk in our streets and not +think? The most trivial incident has ramifications, to +whose guidance if we surrender our thoughts, we are oft-times led +upon a gold mine unawares, and no man whether old or young is +worse for reading the ingenuous and unaffected statement of a +young man’s thoughts. There are some things in which +experience blunts the mental vision, as well as others in which +it sharpens it. The former are best described by younger +men, our province is not to lead public opinion, is not in fact +to ape our seniors, and transport ourselves from our proper +sphere, it is rather to show ourselves as we are, to throw our +thoughts before the public as they rise, without requiring it to +imagine that we are right and others wrong, but hoping for the +forbearance which I must beg the reader to concede to myself, and +trusting to the genuineness and vigour of our design to attract +it may be more than a passing attention.</p> +<p>I am aware that I have digressed from the original purpose of +my essay, but I hope for pardon, if, believing the digression to +be of more value than the original matter, I have not checked my +pen, but let it run on even as my heart directed it.</p> +<p style="text-align: right"><span +class="smcap">Cellarius</span>.</p> +<h2><a name="page211"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 211</span>Our +Tour</h2> +<p class="gutsumm"><i>This essay was published in the</i> <span +class="smcap">Eagle</span>, <i>Vol.</i> 1, <i>No.</i> 5. <i>in +the Easter Term</i>, 1859. <i>It describes a holiday trip +made by Butler in June</i>, 1857, <i>in company with a friend +whose name</i>, <i>which was Joseph Green</i>, <i>Butler +Italianised as Giuseppe Verdi</i>. <i>I am permitted by +Professor Bonney to quote a few words from a private letter of +his referring to Butler’s tour</i>: “<i>It was +remarkable in the amount of ground covered and the small sum +spent</i>, <i>but still more in the direction taken in the first +part of the tour</i>. <i>Dauphine was then almost a</i> +<span class="GutSmall">TERRA INCOGNITA</span> <i>to English or +any other travellers</i>.”</p> +<p style="text-align: center" class="gutsumm">[From the +<i>Eagle</i>, Vol. 1, No. 5. Easter Term, 1859, p. +241.]</p> +<p><span class="smcap">As</span> the vacation is near, and many +may find themselves with three weeks’ time on their hand, +five-and-twenty pounds in their pockets, and the map of Europe +before them, perhaps the following sketch of what can be effected +with such money and in such time, may not come amiss to those, +who, like ourselves a couple of years ago, are in doubt how to +enjoy themselves most effectually after a term’s hard +reading.</p> +<p>To some, probably, the tour we decided upon may seem too +hurried, and the fatigue too great for too little profit; still +even to these it may happen that a portion of the following pages +may be useful. Indeed, the tour was scarcely conceived at +first in its full extent, originally we had intended devoting +ourselves entirely to the French architecture of Normandy and +Brittany. Then we grew ambitious, and stretched our +imaginations to Paris. Then the longing for a snowy +mountain waxed, and the love of French Gothic waned, and we +determined to explore the French Alps. Then we thought that +we must just step over them and take a peep into Italy, and so, +disdaining to return by the road we had already travelled, we +would cut off the north-west corner of Italy, and cross the Alps +again into Switzerland, where, of course, we must see the cream +of what was to be seen; and then thinking it possible that our +three weeks and our five-and-twenty pounds might be looking +foolish, we would return, via Strasburg to Paris, and so to +Cambridge. This plan we eventually carried into execution, +spending not a penny more money, nor an hour’s more time; +and, despite the declarations which met us on all sides that we +could never achieve anything like all we had intended, I hope to +be able to show how we did achieve it, and how anyone else may do +the like if he has a mind. A person with a good deal of +energy might do much more than this; we ourselves had at one time +entertained thoughts of going to Rome for two days, and thence to +Naples, walking over the Monte St. Angelo from Castellamare to +Amalfi (which for my own part I cherish with fond affection, as +being far the most lovely thing that I have ever seen), and then +returning as with a <i>Nunc Dimittis</i>, and I still think it +would have been very possible; but, on the whole, such a journey +would not have been so well, for the long tedious road between +Marseilles and Paris would have twice been traversed by us, to +say nothing of the sea journey between Marseilles and +Cività Vecchia. However, no more of what might have +been, let us proceed to what was.</p> +<p>If on Tuesday, June 9 [i.e. 1857], you leave London Bridge at +six o’clock in the morning, you will get (via Newhaven) to +Dieppe at fifteen minutes past three. If on landing you go +to the Hotel Victoria, you will find good accommodation and a +table d’hôte at five o’clock; you can then go +and admire the town, which will not be worth admiring, but which +will fill you with pleasure on account of the novelty and +freshness of everything you meet; whether it is the old +bonnet-less, short-petticoated women walking arm and arm with +their grandsons, whether the church with its quaint sculpture of +the Entombment of our Lord, and the sad votive candles ever +guttering in front of it, or whether the plain evidence that +meets one at every touch and turn, that one is among people who +live out of doors very much more than ourselves, or what +not—all will be charming, and if you are yourself in high +spirits and health, full of anticipation and well inclined to be +pleased with all you see, Dieppe will appear a very charming +place, and one which a year or two hence you will fancy that you +would like to revisit. But now we must leave it at +forty-five minutes past seven, and at twelve o’clock on +Tuesday night we shall find ourselves in Paris. We drive +off to the Hôtel de Normandie in the Rue St. Honoré, +290 (I think), stroll out and get a cup of coffee, and return to +bed at one o’clock.</p> +<p>The next day we spent in Paris, and of it no account need be +given, save perhaps the reader may be advised to ascend the Arc +de Triomphe, and not to waste his time in looking at +Napoleon’s hats and coats and shoes in the Louvre; to +eschew all the picture rooms save the one with the Murillos, and +the great gallery, and to dine at the Dîners de +Paris. If he asks leave to wash his hands before dining +there, he will observe a little astonishment among the waiters at +the barbarian cleanliness of the English, and be shown into a +little room, where a diminutive bowl will be proffered to him, of +which more anon; let him first (as we did) wash or rather +sprinkle his face as best he can, and then we will tell him after +dinner what we generally do with the bowls in question. I +forget how many things they gave us, but I am sure many more than +would be pleasant to read, nor do I remember any circumstance +connected with the dinner, save that on occasion of one of the +courses, the waiter perceiving a little perplexity on my part as +to how I should manage an artichoke served <i>à la +française</i>, feelingly removed my knife and fork from my +hand and cut it up himself into six mouthfuls, returning me the +whole with a sigh of gratitude for the escape of the artichoke +from a barbarous and unnatural end; and then after dinner they +brought us little tumblers of warm lavender scent and water to +wash our mouths out, and the little bowls to spit into; but +enough of eating, we must have some more coffee at a café +on the Boulevards, watch the carriages and the people and the +dresses and the sunshine and all the pomps and vanities which the +Boulevards have not yet renounced; return to the inn, fetch our +knapsacks, and be off to the Chemin de Fer de Lyon by forty-five +minutes past seven; our train leaves at five minutes past eight, +and we are booked to Grenoble. All night long the train +speeds towards the south. We leave Sens with its grey +cathedral solemnly towering in the moonlight a mile on the +left. (How few remember, that to the architect William of +Sens we owe Canterbury Cathedral.) Fontainebleau is on the +right, station after station wakes up our dozing senses, while +ever in our ears are ringing as through the dim light we gaze on +the surrounding country, “the pastures of Switzerland and +the poplar valleys of France.”</p> +<p>It is still dark—as dark, that is, as the midsummer +night will allow it to be, when we are aware that we have entered +on a tunnel; a long tunnel, very long—I fancy there must be +high hills above it; for I remember that some few years ago when +I was travelling up from Marseilles to Paris in midwinter, all +the way from Avignon (between which place and Châlon the +railway was not completed), there had been a dense frozen fog; on +neither hand could anything beyond the road be descried, while +every bush and tree was coated with a thick and steadily +increasing fringe of silver hoar-frost, for the night and day, +and half-day that it took us to reach this tunnel, all was the +same—bitter cold dense fog and ever silently increasing +hoar-frost: but on emerging from it, the whole scene was +completely changed; the air was clear, the sun shining brightly, +no hoar-frost and only a few patches of fast melting snow, +everything in fact betokening a thaw of some days’ +duration. Another thing I know about this tunnel which +makes me regard it with veneration as a boundary line in +countries, namely, that on every high ground after this tunnel on +clear days Mont Blanc may be seen. True, it is only very +rarely seen, but I have known those who have seen it; and +accordingly touch my companion on the side, and say, “We +are within sight of the Alps”; a few miles farther on and +we are at Dijon. It is still very early morning, I think +about three o’clock, but we feel as if we were already at +the Alps, and keep looking anxiously out for them, though we well +know that it is a moral impossibility that we should see them for +some hours at the least. Indian corn comes in after Dijon; +the oleanders begin to come out of their tubs; the peach trees, +apricots, and nectarines unnail themselves from the walls, and +stand alone in the open fields. The vineyards are still +scrubby, but the practised eye readily detects with each hour +some slight token that we are nearer the sun than we were, or, at +any rate, farther from the North Pole. We don’t stay +long at Dijon nor at Châlon, at Lyons we have an hour to +wait; breakfast off a basin of <i>café au lait</i> and a +huge hunch of bread, get a miserable wash, compared with which +the spittoons of the Dîners de Paris were luxurious, and +return in time to proceed to St. Rambert, whence the railroad +branches off to Grenoble. It is very beautiful between +Lyons and St. Rambert. The mulberry trees show the silkworm +to be a denizen of the country, while the fields are dazzlingly +brilliant with poppies and salvias; on the other side of the +Rhône rise high cloud-capped hills, but towards the Alps we +strain our eyes in vain.</p> +<p>At St. Rambert the railroad to Grenoble branches off at right +angles to the main line, it was then only complete as far as +Rives, now it is continued the whole way to Grenoble; by which +the reader will save some two or three hours, but miss a +beautiful ride from Rives to Grenoble by the road. The +valley bears the name of Grésivaudan. It is very +rich and luxuriant, the vineyards are more Italian, the fig trees +larger than we have yet seen them, patches of snow whiten the +higher hills, and we feel that we are at last indeed among the +outskirts of the Alps themselves. I am told that we should +have stayed at Voreppe, seen the Grande Chartreuse (for which see +Murray), and then gone on to Grenoble, but we were pressed for +time and could not do everything. At Grenoble we arrived +about two o’clock, washed comfortably at last and then +dined; during dinner a <i>calèche</i> was preparing to +drive us on to Bourg d’Oisans, a place some six or seven +and thirty miles farther on, and by thirty minutes past three we +find ourselves reclining easily within it, and digesting dinner +with the assistance of a little packet, for which we paid +one-and-fourpence at the well-known shop of Mr. Bacon, +Market-square, Cambridge. It is very charming. The +air is sweet, warm, and sunny, there has been bad weather for +some days here, but it is clearing up; the clouds are lifting +themselves hour by hour, we are evidently going to have a +pleasant spell of fine weather. The <i>calèche</i> +jolts a little, and the horse is decidedly shabby, both +<i>qua</i> horse and <i>qua</i> harness, but our moustaches are +growing, and our general appearance is in keeping. The wine +was very pleasant at Grenoble, and we have a pound of ripe +cherries between us; so, on the whole, we would not change with +his Royal Highness Prince Albert or all the Royal Family, and +jolt on through the long straight poplar avenue that colonnades +the road above the level swamp and beneath the hills, and turning +a sharp angle enter Vizille, a wretched place, only memorable +because from this point we begin definitely, though slowly, to +enter the hills and ascend by the side of the Romanche through +the valley, which that river either made or found—who knows +or cares? But we do know very well that we are driving up a +very exquisitely beautiful valley, that the Romanche takes longer +leaps from rock to rock than she did, that the hills have closed +in upon us, that we see more snow each time the valley opens, +that the villages get scantier, and that at last a great giant +iceberg walls up the way in front, and we feast our eyes on the +long-desired sight till after that the setting sun has tinged it +purple (a sure sign of a fine day), its ghastly pallor shows us +that the night is upon us. It is cold, and we are not sorry +at half-past nine to find ourselves at Bourg d’Oisans, +where there is a very fair inn kept by one Martin; we get a +comfortable supper of eggs and go to bed fairly tired.</p> +<p>This we must remind the reader is Thursday night, on Tuesday +morning we left London, spent one day in Paris, and are now +sleeping among the Alps, sharpish work, but very satisfactory, +and a prelude to better things by and by. The next day we +made rather a mistake, instead of going straight on to +Briançon we went up a valley towards Mont Pelvoux (a +mountain nearly 14,000 feet high), intending to cross a high pass +above La Bérarde down to Briançon, but when we got +to St. Christophe we were told the pass would not be open till +August, so returned and slept a second night at Bourg +d’Oisans. The valley, however, was all that could be +desired, mingled sun and shadow, tumbling river, rich wood, and +mountain pastures, precipices all around, and snow-clad summits +continually unfolding themselves; Murray is right in calling the +valley above Venosc a scene of savage sterility. At Venosc, +in the poorest of hostelries was a tuneless cracked old +instrument, half piano, half harpsichord—how it ever found +its way there we were at a loss to conceive—and an +irrelevant clock that struck seven times by fits and starts at +its own convenience during our one o’clock dinner; we +returned to Bourg d’Oisans at seven, and were in bed by +nine.</p> +<p>Saturday, June 13.</p> +<p>Having found that a conveyance to Briançon was beyond +our finances, and that they would not take us any distance at a +reasonable charge, we determined to walk the whole fifty miles in +the day, and half-way down the mountains, sauntering listlessly +accordingly left Bourg d’Oisans at a few minutes before +five in the morning. The clouds were floating over the +uplands, but they soon began to rise, and before seven +o’clock the sky was cloudless; along the road were passing +hundreds of people (though it was only five in the morning) in +detachments of from two to nine, with cattle, sheep, pigs, and +goats, picturesque enough but miserably lean and gaunt: we leave +them to proceed to the fair, and after a three miles’ level +walk through a straight poplar avenue, commence ascending far +above the Romanche; all day long we slowly ascend, stopping +occasionally to refresh ourselves with <i>vin ordinaire</i> and +water, but making steady way in the main, though heavily weighted +and under a broiling sun, at one we reach La Grave, which is +opposite the Mont de Lans, a most superb mountain. The +whole scene equal to anything in Switzerland, as far as the +mountains go. The Mont de Lans is opposite the windows, +seeming little more than a stone’s throw off, and causing +my companion (whose name I will, with his permission, Italianise +into that of the famous composer Giuseppe Verdi) to think it a +mere nothing to mount to the top of those sugared pinnacles which +he will not believe are many miles distant in reality. +After dinner we trudge on, the scenery constantly improving, the +snow drawing down to us, and the Romanche dwindling hourly; we +reach the top of the Col du Lautaret, which Murray must describe; +I can only say that it is first-class scenery. The flowers +are splendid, acres and acres of wild narcissus, the Alpine +cowslip, gentians, large purple and yellow anemones, soldanellas, +and the whole kith and kin of the high Alpine pasture flowers; +great banks of snow lie on each side of the road, and probably +will continue to do so till the middle of July, while all around +are glaciers and precipices innumerable.</p> +<p>We only got as far as Monêtier after all, for, reaching +that town at half-past eight, and finding that Briançon +was still eight miles further on, we preferred resting there at +the miserable but cheap and honest Hôtel de l’Europe; +had we gone on a little farther we should have found a much +better one, but we were tired with our forty-two miles’ +walk, and, after a hasty supper and a quiet pipe, over which we +watch the last twilight on the Alps above Briançon, we +turn in very tired but very much charmed.</p> +<p>Sunday morning was the clearest and freshest morning that ever +tourists could wish for, the grass crisply frozen (for we are +some three or four thousand feet above the sea), the glaciers +descending to a level but little higher than the road; a fine +range of Alps in front over Briançon, and the road winding +down past a new river (for we have long lost the Romanche) +towards the town, which is some six or seven miles distant.</p> +<p>It was a fête—the <i>Fête du bon Dieu</i>, +celebrated annually on this day throughout all this part of the +country; in all the villages there were little shrines erected, +adorned with strings of blue corncockle, narcissus heads, and +poppies, bunches of green, pink, and white calico, moss and +fir-tree branches, and in the midst of these tastefully arranged +bowers was an image of the Virgin and her Son, with whatever +other saints the place was possessed of.</p> +<p>At Briançon, which we reached (in a trap) at eight +o’clock, these demonstrations were more imposing, but less +pleasing; the soldiers, too, were being drilled and exercised, +and the whole scene was one of the greatest animation, such as +Frenchmen know how to exhibit on the morning of a gala day.</p> +<p>Leaving our trap at Briançon and making a hasty +breakfast at the Hôtel de la Paix, we walked up a very +lonely valley towards Cervières. I dare not say how +many hours we wended our way up the brawling torrent without +meeting a soul or seeing a human habitation; it was fearfully hot +too, and we longed for <i>vin ordinaire</i>; Cervières +seemed as though it never would come—still the same rugged +precipices, snow-clad heights, brawling torrent, and stony road, +butterflies beautiful and innumerable, flowers to match, sky +cloudless. At last we are there; through the town, or +rather village, the river rushes furiously, the dismantled houses +and gaping walls affording palpable traces of the fearful +inundations of the previous year, not a house near the river was +sound, many quite uninhabitable, and more such as I am sure few +of us would like to inhabit. However, it is +Cervières such as it is, and we hope for our <i>vin +ordinaire</i>; but, alas!—not a human being, man, woman or +child, is to be seen, the houses are all closed, the noonday +quiet holds the hill with a vengeance, unbroken, save by the +ceaseless roar of the river.</p> +<p>While we were pondering what this loneliness could mean, and +wherefore we were unable to make an entrance even into the little +<i>auberge</i> that professed to <i>loger à pied et +à cheval</i>, a kind of low wail or chaunt began to make +itself heard from the other side of the river; wild and strange, +yet full of a music of its own, it took my friend and myself so +much by surprise that we almost thought for the moment that we +had trespassed on to the forbidden ground of some fairy people +who lived alone here, high amid the sequestered valleys where +mortal steps were rare, but on going to the corner of the street +we were undeceived indeed, but most pleasurably surprised by the +pretty spectacle that presented itself.</p> +<p>For from the church opposite first were pouring forth a string +of young girls clad in their Sunday’s best, then followed +the youths, as in duty bound, then came a few monks or friars or +some such folk, carrying the Virgin, then the men of the place, +then the women and lesser children, all singing after their own +rough fashion; the effect was electrical, for in a few minutes +the procession reached us, and dispersing itself far and wide, +filled the town with as much life as it had before been +lonely. It was like a sudden introduction of the whole +company on to the theatre after the stage has been left empty for +a minute, and to us was doubly welcome as affording us some hope +of our wine.</p> +<p>“Vous êtes Piedmontais, monsieur,” said one +to me. I denied the accusation. “Alors vous +êtes Allemands.” I again denied and said we +were English, whereon they opened their eyes wide and said, +“Anglais,—mais c’est une autre chose,” +and seemed much pleased, for the alliance was then still in full +favour. It caused them a little disappointment that we were +Protestants, but they were pleased at being able to tell us that +there was a Protestant minister higher up the valley which we +said would “do us a great deal of pleasure.”</p> +<p>The <i>vin ordinaire</i> was execrable—they only, +however, charged us nine sous for it, and on our giving half a +franc and thinking ourselves exceedingly stingy for not giving a +whole one, they shouted out “Voilà les Anglais, +voilà la generosité des Anglais,” with +evident sincerity. I thought to myself that the less we +English corrupted the primitive simplicity of these good folks +the better; it was really refreshing to find several people +protesting about one’s generosity for having paid a +halfpenny more for a bottle of wine than was expected; at +Monêtier we asked whether many English came there, and they +told us yes, a great many, there had been fifteen there last +year, but I should imagine that scarcely fifteen could travel up +past Cervières, and yet the English character be so little +known as to be still evidently popular.</p> +<p>I don’t know what o’clock it was when we left +Cervières—midday I should imagine; we left the river +on our left and began to ascend a mountain pass called Izouard, +as far as I could make out, but will not pledge myself to have +caught the name correctly; it was more lonely than ever, very +high, much more snow on the top than on the previous day over the +Col du Lautaret, the path scarcely distinguishable, indeed quite +lost in many places, very beautiful but not so much so as the Col +du Lautaret, and better on descending towards Queyras than on +ascending; from the summit of the pass the view of the several +Alpine chains about is very fine, but from the entire absence of +trees of any kind it is more rugged and barren than I altogether +liked; going down towards Queyras we found the letters S.I.C. +marked on a rock, evidently with the spike of an +alpine-stock,—we wondered whether they stood for St. +John’s College.</p> +<p>We reached Queyras at about four very tired, for +yesterday’s work was heavy, and refresh ourselves with a +huge omelette and some good Provence wine.</p> +<p>Reader, don’t go into that <i>auberge</i>, carry up +provision from Briançon, or at any rate carry the means of +eating it: they have only two knives in the place, one for the +landlord and one for the landlady; these are clasp knives, and +they carry them in their pockets; I used the landlady’s, my +companion had the other; the room was very like a +cow-house—dark, wooden, and smelling strongly of manure; +outside I saw that one of the beams supporting a huge projecting +balcony that ran round the house was resting on a capital of +white marble—a Lombard capital that had evidently seen +better days, they could not tell us whence it came. Meat +they have none, so we gorge ourselves with omelette, and at +half-past five trudge on, for we have a long way to go yet, and +no alternative but to proceed.</p> +<p>Abriès is the name of the place we stopped at that +night; it was pitch-dark when we reached it, and the whole town +was gone to bed, but by great good luck we found a café +still open (the inn was shut up for the night), and there we +lodged. I dare not say how many miles we had walked, but we +were still plucky, and having prevailed at last on the landlord +to allow us clean sheets on our beds instead of the dirty ones he +and his wife had been sleeping on since Christmas, and making the +best of the solitary decanter and pie dish which was all the +washing implements we were allowed (not a toothmug even extra), +we had coffee and bread and brandy for supper, and retired at +about eleven to the soundest sleep in spite of our somewhat +humble accommodation. If nasty, at any rate it was cheap; +they charged us a franc a piece for our suppers, beds, and two +cigars; we went to the inn to breakfast, where, though the +accommodation was somewhat better, the charge was most +extortionate. Murray is quite right in saying the +travellers should bargain beforehand at this inn (<i>chez</i> +Richard); I think they charged us five francs for the most +ordinary breakfast. From this place we started at about +nine, and took a guide as far as the top of the Col de la Croix +Haute, having too nearly lost our way yesterday; the paths have +not been traversed much yet, and the mule and sheep droppings are +but scanty indicators of the direction of paths of which the +winds and rain have obliterated all other traces.</p> +<p>The Col de la Croix Haute is rightly named, it was very high, +but not so hard to ascend until we reached the snow. On the +Italian side it is terribly steep, from the French side, however, +the slope is more gradual. The snow was deeper at the top +of this pass than on either of the two previous days; in many +places we sank deep in, but had no real difficulty in crossing; +on the Italian side the snow was gone and the path soon became +clear enough, so we sent our guide to the right about and trudged +on alone.</p> +<p>A sad disappointment, however, awaited us, for instead of the +clear air that we had heretofore enjoyed, the clouds were rolling +up from the valley, and we entirely lost the magnificent view of +the plains of Lombardy which we ought to have seen; this was our +first mishap, and we bore it heroically. A lunch may be had +at Prali, and there the Italian tongue will be heard for the +first time.</p> +<p>We must have both looked very questionable personages, for I +remember that a man present asked me for a cigar; I gave him two, +and he proffered a <i>sou</i> in return as a matter of +course.</p> +<p>Shortly below Prali the clouds drew off, or rather we reached +a lower level, so that they were above us, and now the walnut and +the chestnut, the oak and the beech have driven away the pines of +the other side, not that there were many of them; soon, too, the +vineyards come in, the Indian corn again flourishes everywhere, +the cherries grow ripe as we descend, and in an hour or two we +felt to our great joy that we were fairly in Italy.</p> +<p>The descent is steep beyond compare, for La Tour, which we +reached by four o’clock, is quite on the plain, very much +on a level with Turin—I do not remember any descent between +the two—and the pass cannot be much under eight thousand +feet.</p> +<p>Passports are asked at Bobbio, but the very sight of the +English name was at that time sufficient to cause the passport to +be returned unscrutinised.</p> +<p>La Tour is a Protestant place, or at any rate chiefly so, +indeed all the way from Cervières we have been among +people half Protestant and half Romanist; these were the +Waldenses of the Middle Ages, they are handsome, particularly the +young women, and I should fancy an honest simple race enough, but +not over clean.</p> +<p>As a proof that we were in Italy we happened while waiting for +table d’hôte to be leaning over the balcony that ran +round the house and passed our bedroom door, when a man and a +girl came out with two large pails in their hands, and we watched +them proceed to a cart with a barrel in it, which was in a corner +of the yard; we had been wondering what was in the barrel and +were glad to see them commence tapping it, when lo! out spouted +the blood-red wine with which they actually half filled their +pails before they left the spot. This was as Italy should +be. After dinner, too, as we stroll in the showy Italian +sort of piazza near the inn, the florid music which fills the +whole square, accompanied by a female voice of some pretensions, +again thoroughly Italianises the scene, and when she struck up +our English national anthem (with such a bass accompaniment!) +nothing could be imagined more incongruous.</p> +<p>Sleeping at La Tour at the hotel kept by M. Gai (which is very +good, clean, and cheap), we left next morning, i.e. Tuesday, June +16, at four by diligence for Pinerolo, thence by rail to Turin +where we spent the day. It was wet and we saw no vestiges +of the Alps.</p> +<p>Turin is a very handsome city, very regularly built, the +streets running nearly all parallel to and at right angles with +each other; there are no suburbs, and the consequence is that at +the end of every street one sees the country; the Alps surround +the city like a horseshoe, and hence many of the streets seem +actually walled in with a snowy mountain. Nowhere are the +Alps seen to greater advantage than from Turin. I speak +from the experience, not of the journey I am describing, but of a +previous one. From the Superga the view is magnificent, but +from the hospital for soldiers just above the Po on the eastern +side of the city the view is very similar, and the city seen to +greater advantage. The Po is a fine river, but very muddy, +not like the Ticino which has the advantage of getting washed in +the Lago Maggiore. On the whole Turin is well worth +seeing. Leaving it, however, on Wednesday morning we +arrived at Arona about half-past eleven: the country between the +two places is flat, but rich and well cultivated: much rice is +grown, and in consequence the whole country easily capable of +being laid under water, a thing which I should imagine the +Piedmontese would not be slow to avail themselves of; we ought to +have had the Alps as a background to the view, but they were +still veiled. It was here that a countryman, seeing me with +one or two funny little pipes which I had bought in Turin, asked +me if I was a <i>fabricante di pipi</i>—a pipe-maker.</p> +<p>By the time that we were at Arona the sun had appeared, and +the clouds were gone; here, too, we determined to halt for half a +day, neither of us being quite the thing, so after a visit to the +colossal statue of San Carlo, which is very fine and imposing, we +laid ourselves down under the shade of some chestnut trees above +the lake, and enjoyed the extreme beauty of everything around us, +until we fell fast asleep, and yet even in sleep we seemed to +retain a consciousness of the unsurpassable beauty of the +scene. After dinner (we were stopping at the Hôtel de +la Poste, a very nice inn indeed) we took a boat and went across +the lake to Angera, a little town just opposite; it was in the +Austrian territory, but they made no delay about admitting us; +the reason of our excursion was, that we might go and explore the +old castle there, which is seated on an inconsiderable eminence +above the lake. It affords an excellent example of Italian +domestic Gothic of the Middle Ages; San Carlo was born and +resided here, and, indeed, if saintliness were to depend upon +beauty of natural scenery, no wonder at his having been a +saint.</p> +<p>The castle is only tenanted by an old man who keeps the place; +we found him cooking his supper over a small crackling fire of +sticks, which he had lighted in the main hall; his feeble old +voice chirps about San Carlo this and San Carlo that as we go +from room to room. We have no carpets here—plain +honest brick floors—the chairs, indeed, have once been +covered with velvet, but they are now so worn that one can +scarcely detect that they have been so, the tables warped and +worm-eaten, the few, that is, that remained there, the shutters +cracked and dry with the sun and summer of so many hundred +years—no Renaissance work here, yet for all that there was +something about it which made it to me the only really +pleasurable nobleman’s mansion that I have ever been over; +the view from the top is superb, and then the row home to Arona, +the twinkling lights softly gleaming in the lake, the bells +jangling from the tall and gaudy campaniles, the stillness of the +summer night—so warm and yet so refreshing on the water; +hush, there are some people singing—how sweetly their +voices are borne to us upon the slight breath of wind that alone +is stirring; oh, it is a cruel thing to think of war in +connection with such a spot as this, and yet from this very +Angera to this very Arona it is that the Austrians have been +crossing to commence their attack on Sardinia. I fear these +next summer nights will not be broken with the voice of much +singing and that we shall have to hush for the roaring of +cannon.</p> +<p>I never knew before how melodiously frogs can +croak—there is a sweet guttural about some of these that I +never heard in England: before going to bed, I remember +particularly one amorous batrachian courting <i>malgrè sa +maman</i> regaled us with a lusciously deep rich croak, that +served as a good accompaniment for the shrill whizzing sound of +the cigales.</p> +<p>My space is getting short, but fortunately we are getting on +to ground better known; I will therefore content myself with +sketching out the remainder of our tour and leaving the reader to +Murray for descriptions.</p> +<p>We left Arona with regret on Thursday morning (June 18), took +steamer to the Isola Bella, which is an example of how far human +extravagance and folly can spoil a rock, which had it been left +alone would have been very beautiful, and thence by a little boat +went to Baveno; thence we took diligence for Domo d’Ossola; +the weather clouded towards evening and big raindrops beginning +to descend we thought it better to proceed at once by the same +diligence over the Simplon; we did not care to walk the pass in +wet, therefore leaving Domo d’Ossola at ten o’clock +that night we arrived at Iselle about two; the weather clearing +we saw the gorge of Gondo and walked a good way up the pass in +the early morning by the diligence; breakfasted at Simplon at +four o’clock in the morning, and without waiting a moment +as soon as we got out at Brieg set off for Visp, which we reached +at twelve on foot; we washed and dressed there, dined and +advanced to Leuk, and thence up the most exquisitely beautiful +road to Leukerbad, which we reached at about eight o’clock +after a very fatiguing day. The Hôtel de la France is +clean and cheap. Next morning we left at half-past five +and, crossing the Gemini, got to Frutigen at half-past one, took +an open trap after dinner and drove to Interlaken, which we +reached on the Saturday night at eight o’clock, the weather +first rate; Sunday we rested at Interlaken; on Monday we assailed +the Wengern Alp, but the weather being pouring wet we halted on +the top and spent the night there, being rewarded by the most +transcendent evening view of the Jungfrau, Eiger, and Mönch +in the clear cold air seen through a thin veil of +semi-transparent cloud that was continually scudding across +them.</p> +<p>Next morning early we descended to Grindelwald, thence past +the upper glacier under the Wetterhorn over the Scheidegg to +Rosenlaui, where we dined and saw the glacier, after dinner, +descending the valley we visited the falls of Reichenbach (which +the reader need not do if he means to see those of the Aar at +Handegg), and leaving Meyringen on our left we recommenced an +ascent of the valley of the Aar, sleeping at Guttannen, about ten +miles farther on.</p> +<p>Next day, i.e. Wednesday, June 24, leaving Guttannen very +early, passing the falls of Handegg, which are first rate, we +reached the hospice at nine; had some wine there, and crawled on +through the snow and up the rocks to the summit of the +pass—here we met an old lady, in a blue ugly, with a pair +of green spectacles, carried in a <i>chaise à porteur</i>; +she had taken it into her head in her old age that she would like +to see a little of the world, and here she was. We had seen +her lady’s maid at the hospice, concerning whom we were +told that she was “bien sage,” and did not scream at +the precipices. On the top of the Gemini, too, at half-past +seven in the morning, we had met a somewhat similar lady walking +alone with a blue parasol over the snow; about half an hour after +we met some porters carrying her luggage, and found that she was +an invalid lady of Berne, who was walking over to the baths at +Leukerbad for the benefit of her health—we scarcely thought +there could be much occasion—leaving these two good ladies +then, let us descend the Grimsel to the bottom of the glacier of +the Rhône, and then ascend the Furka—a stiff pull; we +got there by two o’clock, dined (Italian is spoken here +again), and finally reached Hospenthal at half-past five after a +very long day.</p> +<p>On Thursday walking down to Amstegg and taking a trap to +Flüelen, we then embarked on board a steamer and had a most +enjoyable ride to Lucerne, where we slept; Friday to Basle by +rail, walking over the Hauenstein, <a name="citation233a"></a><a +href="#footnote233a" class="citation">[233a]</a> and getting a +magnificent panorama (alas! a final one) of the Alps, and from +Basle to Strasburg, where we ascended the cathedral as far as +they would let us without special permission from a power they +called Mary, and then by the night train to Paris, where we +arrived Saturday morning at ten.</p> +<p>Left Paris on Sunday afternoon, slept at Dieppe; left Dieppe +Monday morning, got to London at three o’clock or +thereabouts, and might have reached Cambridge that night had we +been so disposed; next day came safely home to dear old St. +John’s, cash in hand 7<i>d.</i></p> +<p>From my window <a name="citation233b"></a><a +href="#footnote233b" class="citation">[233b]</a> in the cool of +the summer twilight I look on the umbrageous chestnuts that droop +into the river; Trinity library rears its stately proportions on +the left; opposite is the bridge; over that, on the right, the +thick dark foliage is blackening almost into sombreness as the +night draws on. Immediately beneath are the arched +cloisters resounding with the solitary footfall of meditative +students, and suggesting grateful retirement. I say to +myself then, as I sit in my open window, that for a continuance I +would rather have this than any scene I have visited during the +whole of our most enjoyed tour, and fetch down a Thucydides, for +I must go to Shilleto at nine o’clock to-morrow.</p> +<h2><a name="page234"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +234</span>Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus</h2> +<p class="gutsumm"><i>This piece and the ten that follow it date +from Butler’s undergraduate days</i>. <i>They were +preserved by the late Canon Joseph McCormick</i>, <i>who was +Butler’s contemporary at Cambridge and knew him +well</i>.</p> +<p class="gutsumm"><i>In a letter to</i> <span class="smcap">The +Times</span>, <i>published</i> 27 <i>June</i>, 1902, <i>shortly +after Butler’s death</i>, <i>Canon McCormick gave some +interesting details of Butler’s Cambridge days</i>. +“<i>I have in my possession</i>,” <i>he wrote</i>, +“<i>some of the skits with which he amused himself and some +of his personal friends</i>. <i>Perhaps the skit professed +to be a translation from Thucydides</i>, <i>inimitable in its +way</i>, <i>applied to Johnians in their successes or defeats on +the river</i>, <i>or it was the</i> ‘<i>Prospectus of the +Great Split Society</i>,’ <i>attacking those who wished to +form narrow or domineering parties in the College</i>, <i>or it +was a very striking poem on Napoleon in St. Helena</i>, <i>or it +was a play dealing with a visit to the Paris Exhibition</i>, +<i>which he sent to</i> <span class="smcap">Punch</span>, <i>and +which</i>, <i>strange to say</i>, <i>the editor never +inserted</i>, <i>or it was an examination paper set to a gyp of a +most amusing and clever character</i>.” <i>One at +least of the pieces mentioned by Canon McCormick has +unfortunately disappeared</i>. <i>Those that have survived +are here published for what they are worth</i>. <i>There is +no necessity to apologise for their faults and deficiencies</i>, +<i>which do not</i>, <i>I think</i>, <i>obscure their value as +documents illustrating the development of that gift of irony +which Butler was afterwards to wield with such brilliant +mastery</i>. ‘<i>Napoleon at St. Helena</i>’ +<i>and</i> ‘<i>The Shield of Achilles</i>’ <i>have +already appeared in</i> <span class="smcap">The Eagle</span>, +<i>December</i>, 1902; <i>the</i> “<i>Translation from +Herodotus</i>,” “<i>The Shield of +Achilles</i>,” “<i>The Two Deans II</i>,” +<i>and</i> “<i>On the Italian Priesthood</i>,” +<i>in</i> <span class="smcap">The Note-Books of Samuel +Butler</span>; <i>the</i> “<i>Prospectus of the Great Split +Society</i>” <i>and</i> “<i>A Skit on +Examinations</i>” <i>in</i> <span class="smcap">The +Eagle</span>, <i>June</i>, 1913.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">And</span> the Johnians practise their tub +in the following manner: They select eight of the most +serviceable freshmen and put these into a boat, and to each one +of them they give an oar; and having told them to look at the +backs of the men before them they make them bend forward as far +as they can and at the same moment, and having put the end of the +oar into the water pull it back again in to them about the bottom +of the ribs; and if any of them does not do this or looks about +him away from the back of the man before him they curse him in +the most terrible manner, but if he does what he is bidden they +immediately cry out:</p> +<p>“Well pulled, number so-and-so.”</p> +<p>For they do not call them by their names but by certain +numbers, each man of them having a number allotted to him in +accordance with his place in the boat, and the first man they +call stroke, but the last man bow; and when they have done this +for about fifty miles they come home again, and the rate they +travel at is about twenty-five miles an hour; and let no one +think that this is too great a rate, for I could say many other +wonderful things in addition concerning the rowing of the +Johnians, but if a man wishes to know these things he must go and +examine them himself. But when they have done they contrive +some such a device as this, for they make them run many miles +along the side of the river in order that they may accustom them +to great fatigue, and many of them being distressed in this way +fall down and die, but those who survive become very strong, and +receive gifts of cups from the others; and after the revolution +of a year they have great races with their boats against those of +the surrounding islanders, but the Johnians, both owing to the +carefulness of the training and a natural disposition for rowing, +are always victorious. In this way then the Johnians, I +say, practise their tub.</p> +<h2><a name="page237"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 237</span>The +Shield of Achilles, with Variations</h2> +<p><span class="smcap">And</span> in it he placed the Fitzwilliam +and King’s College Chapel and the lofty towered church of +the Great Saint Mary, which looketh toward the Senate House, and +King’s Parade and Trumpington Road and the Pitt Press and +the divine opening of the Market Square and the beautiful flowing +fountain which formerly Hobson laboured to make with skilful art; +him did his father beget in the many-public-housed Trumpington +from a slavey mother, and taught him blameless works; and he, on +the other hand, sprang up like a young shoot, and many +beautifully matched horses did he nourish in his stable, which +used to convey his rich possessions to London and the various +cities of the world; but oftentimes did he let them out to others +and whensoever anyone was desirous of hiring one of the +long-tailed horses, he took them in order so that the labour was +equal to all, wherefore do men now speak of the choice of the +renowned Hobson. And in it he placed the close of the +divine Parker, and many beautiful undergraduates were delighting +their tender minds upon it playing cricket with one another; and +a match was being played and two umpires were quarrelling with +one another; the one saying that the batsman who was playing was +out, and the other declaring with all his might that he was not; +and while they two were contending, reviling one another with +abusive language, a ball came and hit one of them on the nose, +and the blood flowed out in a stream, and darkness was covering +his eyes, but the rest were crying out on all sides:</p> +<p>“Shy it up.”</p> +<p>And he could not; him then was his companion addressing with +scornful words:</p> +<p>“Arnold, why dost thou strive with me since I am much +wiser? Did I not see his leg before the wicket and rightly +declare him to be out? Thee then has Zeus now punished +according to thy deserts, and I will seek some other umpire of +the game equally-participated-in-by-both-sides.”</p> +<p>And in it he placed the Cam, and many boats equally rowed on +both sides were going up and down on the bosom of the +deep-rolling river, and the coxswains were cheering on the men, +for they were going to enter the contest of the scratchean fours; +and three men were rowing together in a boat, strong and stout +and determined in their hearts that they would either first break +a blood-vessel or earn for themselves the +electroplated-Birmingham-manufactured magnificence of a pewter to +stand on their hall tables in memorial of their strength, and +from time to time drink from it the exhilarating streams of beer +whensoever their dear heart should compel them; but the fourth +was weak and unequally matched with the others, and the coxswain +was encouraging him and called him by name and spake cheering +words:</p> +<p>“Smith, when thou hast begun the contest, be not +flurried nor strive too hard against thy fate; look at the back +of the man before thee and row with as much strength as the Fates +spun out for thee on the day when thou fellest between the knees +of thy mother, neither lose thine oar, but hold it tight with thy +hands.”</p> +<h2><a name="page239"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +239</span>Prospectus of the Great Split Society</h2> +<p><span class="smcap">It</span> is the object of this society to +promote parties and splits in general, and since of late we have +perceived disunion among friends to be not nearly so ripe as in +the Bible it is plainly commanded to be, we the members of this +club have investigated the means of producing, fostering, and +invigorating strife of all kinds, whereby the society of man will +be profited much. For in a few hours we can by the means we +have discovered create so beautiful a dissension between two who +have lately been friends, that they shall never speak of one +another again, and their spirit is to be greatly admired and +praised for this. And since it is the great goddess +Talebearer who has contributed especially to our success, +inasmuch as where she is not strife will cease as surely as the +fire goeth out when there is no wood to feed it, we will erect an +altar to her and perform monthly rites at her shrine in a manner +hereafter to be detailed. And all men shall do homage to +her, for who is there that hath not felt her benefits? And +the rites shall be of a cheerful character, and all the world +shall be right merry, and we will write her a hymn and Walmisley +<a name="citation239"></a><a href="#footnote239" +class="citation">[239]</a> shall set it to music. And any +shall be eligible to this society by only changing his name; for +this is one of its happiest hits, to give a name to each of its +members arising from some mental peculiarity (which the gods and +peacemakers call “foible”), whereby each being +perpetually kept in mind of this defect and being always willing +to justify it shall raise a clamour and cause much delight to the +assembly.</p> +<p>And we will have suppers once a month both to do honour unto +Talebearer and to promote her interest. And the society has +laid down a form of conversation to be used at all such meetings, +which shall engender quarrellings even in the most unfavourable +dispositions, and inflame the anger of one and all; and having +raised it shall set it going and start it on so firm a basis as +that it may be left safely to work its own way, for there shall +be no fear of its dying out.</p> +<p>And the great key to this admirable treasure-house is Self, +who hath two beautiful children, Self-Love and Self-Pride . . . +We have also aided our project much by the following contrivance, +namely, that ten of the society, the same who have the longest +tongues and ears, shall make a quorum to manage all affairs +connected with it; and it is difficult to comprehend the amount +of quarrelling that shall go on at these meetings.</p> +<p>And the monthly suppers shall be ordered in this way: Each man +must take at least two tablespoonfuls of vinegar, which shall +make the wit sharp, or in default thereof one teaspoonful of +pepper and mustard; for the rest we leave the diet to the +management of our stewards and bursars, but after the cloth has +been removed the president shall single out some one of the +company, and in a calm and friendly manner acquaint him with his +faults and advise him in what way he may best amend the +same. The member selected is compelled by the rules to +remain silent for the space of three minutes, and is then to +retort and bring up six instances. He is to call the +present members to witness, and all are to take one side or the +other, so that none be neutral, and the mêlée will +doubtless become general, and we expect that much beautiful +latent abusive talent will be developed in this way. But +let all this be done with an air of great politeness, sincerity, +and goodwill, at least at the commencement, for this, when +evidently fictitious, is a two-edged sword of irritation.</p> +<p>And if any grow weak in spirit and retreat from this society, +and afterwards repent and wish again to join, he shall be +permitted to do so on condition of repeating the words, +“Oh, ah!” “Lor!” “Such is +life,” “That’s cheerful,” +“He’s a lively man, is Mr. So-and-so” ten times +over. For these are refreshing and beautiful words and mean +much (!), they are the emblems of such talent.</p> +<p>And any members are at liberty to have small meetings among +themselves, especially to tea, whereat they may enjoy the ever +fresh and pleasant luxury of scandal and mischief-making, and +prepare their accusations and taunts for the next general +meeting; and this is not only permitted but enjoined and +recommended strongly to all the members.</p> +<p>And sentences shall be written for the training of any young +hand who wishes to become one of us, since none can hope to +arrive at once at the pitch of perfection to which the society +has brought the art. And if that any should be heard of his +own free will and invention uttering one or more of these +sentences and by these means indicate much talent in the required +direction, he shall be waited on by a committee of the club and +induced, if possible, to join us, for he will be an acquisition; +and the sentences required are such as: “I think so-and-so +a very jolly fellow, indeed I don’t know a man in the +college I like better than so-and-so, but I don’t care +twopence about him, at least it is all the same to me whether he +cuts me or not.”</p> +<p>The beauty of this sentence is not at first appreciable, for +though self-deceit and self-satisfaction are both very powerfully +demonstrated in it, and though these are some of the +society’s most vehement supporters, yet it is the good +goddess Talebearer who nourisheth the seed of mischief thus +sown.</p> +<p>It is also strictly forbidden by this society’s laws to +form a firm friendship grounded upon esteem and a perception of +great and good qualities in the object of one’s liking, for +this kind of friendship lasts a long time—nay, for life; +but each member must have a furious and passionate running after +his friend for the time being, insomuch that he could never part +for an instant from him. And when the society sees this it +feels comfortable, for it is quite certain that its objects are +being promoted, for this cannot be brought about by any but +unnatural means and is the foundation and very soul of +quarrelling. The stroking of the hair and affectionate +embracings are much recommended, for they are so manly.</p> +<p>And at the suppers and the rites of Talebearer each member is +to drop an anonymous opinion of some other member’s +character into a common letter box, and the president shall read +them out. Each member is to defend himself; the formula for +the commencement of each speech being: “I know who wrote +that about me, and it is a very blackguardly thing of him to say +. . . ”</p> +<p>N.B.—Any number of persons are allowed to speak at the +same time. By these means it is hoped to restore strife and +dissension to the world, now alas! so fatally subjugated to a +mean-spirited thing called Charity, which during the last month +has been perfectly rampant in the college. Yes, we will +give a helping hand to bickerings, petty jealousies, +back-bitings, and all sorts of good things, and will be as jolly +as ninepence and—who’ll be the first president?</p> +<h2><a name="page244"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +244</span>Powers</h2> +<p><span class="smcap">But</span>, my son, think not that it is +necessary for thee to be excellent if thou wouldst be +powerful. Observe how the lighter substance in nature +riseth by its own levity and overtoppeth that which is the more +grave. Even so, my son, mayest thou be light and worthless, +and yet make a goodly show above those who are of a more +intrinsic value than thyself. But as much circumspection +will be necessary for thee to attain this glorious end, and as by +reason of thy youth thou art liable to miss many of the most able +and effective means of becoming possessed of it, hear the words +of an old man and treasure them in thy heart. The required +qualities, my son, are easily procured; many are naturally gifted +with them. In order, however, that thou mayest keep them in +set form in thy mind commit to memory the following list of +requisites: Love of self, love of show, love of sound, reserve, +openness, distrust.</p> +<p>The love of self, which shall chiefly manifest itself in the +obtaining the best of all things for thyself to the exclusion of +another, be he who he may; and as meal-times are the fittest +occasion for the exercise of this necessary quality, I will even +illustrate my meaning that thou mayest the more plainly +comprehend me. Suppose that many are congregated to a +breakfast and there is a dish of kidneys on the table, but not so +many but what the greater number must go without them, cry out +with a loud voice, immediately that thou hast perceived them: +“Kidneys! Oh, ah! I say, G., old fellow, give +us some kidneys.” Then will the master of the house +be pleased that he hath provided something to thy liking, and as +others from false shame will fear to do the like thou wilt both +obtain that thy soul desireth, and be looked upon by thy fellows +as a bold fellow and one who knoweth how to make his way in the +world, and G. will say immediately: “Waiter, take this to +Mr. Potguts,” and he taketh them, and so on, my son, with +all other meats that are on the table, see thou refrain not from +one of them, for a large appetite well becometh a power, or if +not a large one then a dainty one. But if thine appetite be +small and dainty see thou express contempt for a large eater as +one inferior to thyself. Or again, my son, if thou art not +at a banquet but enterest any room where there are many met +together, see thou take the arm-chair or the best seat or couch, +or what other place of comfort is in the room; and if there be +another power in the room as well as thyself see thou fight with +him for it, and if thou canst by any craft get rid of him an he +be more thickly set than thyself, see that thou do this openly +and with a noise, that all men may behold and admire thee, for +they will fear thee and yield and not venture to reprove thee +openly; and so long as they dare not, all will be well. +Nevertheless I would have thee keep within certain bounds, lest +men turn upon thee if thy rule is too oppressive to be +borne. And under this head I would class also the care and +tending of the sick; for in the first place the sick have many +delicacies which those who are sound have not, so that if thou +lay the matter well, thou mayest obtain the lion’s share of +these things also. But more particularly the minds of men +being weak and easily overpowered when they are in sickness, thou +shalt obtain much hold over them, and when they are well (whether +thou didst really comfort them or not) they will fear to say +aught against thee, lest men shall accuse them of +ingratitude. But above all see thou do this openly and in +the sight of men, who thinking in consequence that thy heart is +very soft and amiable notwithstanding a few outward defects, will +not fail to commend thee and submit to thee the more readily, and +so on all counts thou art the gainer, and it will serve thee as +an excuse with the authorities for the neglect or breach of +duty. But all this is the work of an exceedingly refined +and clever power and not absolutely necessary, but I have named +it as a means of making thy yoke really the lighter but +nevertheless the more firmly settled upon the neck of thy +fellows. So much then for the love of self.</p> +<p>As for the love of show this is to display itself in thy +dress, in the trimming or in the growth of thy whiskers, in thy +walk and carriage, in the company thou keepest, seeing that thou +go with none but powers or men of wealth or men of title, and +caring not so much for men of parts, since these commonly deal +less in the exterior and are not fit associates, for thou canst +have nothing in common with them. When thou goest to thy +dinner let a time elapse, so that thine entry may cause a noise +and a disturbance, and when after much bustling thou hast taken +thy seat, say not: “Waiter, will you order me green peas +and a glass of college,” but say: “Waiter (and then a +pause), peas,” and then suffer him to depart, and when he +hath gone some little way recall him with a loud voice, which +shall reach even unto the ears of the fellows, say, “and, +waiter, college”; and when they are brought unto thee +complain bitterly of the same. When thou goest to chapel +talk much during the service, or pray much; do not the thing by +halves; thou must either be the very religious power, which kind +though the less remarked yet on the whole hath the greater +advantage, or the thoughtless power, but above all see thou +combine not the two, at least not in the same company, but let +thy religion be the same to the same men. Always, if thou +be a careless power, come in late to chapel and hurriedly; sit +with the other powers and converse with them on the behaviour of +others or any other light and agreeable topic. And, as I +said above, under this love of show thou must include the choice +of thine acquaintance, and as it is not possible for thee to +order it so as not to have knowledge of certain men whom it will +not be convenient for thee to know at all times and in all +places, see thou cultivate those two excellent defects of both +sight and hearing which will enable thee to pass one thou wouldst +not meet, without seeing him or hearing his salutation. If +thou hast a cousin or schoolfellow who is somewhat rustic or +uncouth in his manner but nevertheless hath an excellent heart, +know him in private in thine individual capacity, but when thou +art abroad or in the company of other powers shun him as if he +were a venomous thing and deadly. Again, if thou sittest at +table with a man at the house of a friend and laughest and +talkest with him and playest pleasant, if he be not perfect in +respect of externals see thou pass him the next day without a +smile, even though he may have prepared his countenance for a +thousand grins; but if in the house of the same friend or another +thou shouldst happen to stumble upon him, deal with him as though +thy previous conversation had broken off but five minutes +previously; but should he be proud and have all nothing to say +unto thee, forthwith calumniate him to thine acquaintance as a +sorry-spirited fellow and mean.</p> +<p>And with regard to smoking, though that, too, is advantageous, +it is not necessary so much for the power as for the fast man, +for the power is a more calculating and thoughtful being than +this one; but if thou smokest, see that others know it; smoke +cigars if thou canst afford them; if not, say thou wonderest at +such as do, for to thy liking a pipe is better. And with +regard to all men except thine own favoured and pre-eminent +clique, designate them as “cheerful,” +“lively,” or use some other ironical term with regard +to them. So much then for the love of show.</p> +<p>And of the love of sound I would have thee observe that it is +but a portion of the love of show, but so necessary for him who +would be admired without being at the same time excellent and +worthy of admiration as to deserve a separate heading to +itself. At meal-times talk loudly, laugh loudly, condemn +loudly; if thou sneezest sneeze loudly; if thou call the waiter +do so with a noise and, if thou canst, while he is speaking to +another and receiving orders from him; it will be a convenient +test of thine advance to see whether he will at once quit the +other in the midst of his speech with him and come to thee, or +will wait until the other hath done; if thou handle it well he +will come to thee at once. When others are in their rooms, +as thou passeth underneath their windows, sing loudly and all men +will know that a power goeth by and will hush accordingly; if +thou hast a good voice it will profit thee much, if a bad one, +care not so long as it be a loud one; but above all be it +remembered that it is to be loud at all times and not low when +with powers greater than thyself, for this damneth +much—even powers being susceptible of awe, when they shall +behold one resolutely bent to out-top them, and thinking it +advisable to lend such an one a helping hand lest he overthrow +them—but if thy voice be not a loud one, thou hadst better +give up at once the hope of rising to a height by thine own +skill, but must cling to and flatter those who have, and if thou +dost this well thou wilt succeed.</p> +<p>And of personal strength and prowess in bodily accomplishment, +though of great help in the origin, yet are they not necessary; +but the more thou lackest physical and mental powers the more +must thou cling to the powerful and rise with them; the more +careful must thou be of thy dress, and the more money will it +cost thee, for thou must fill well the bladders that keep thee on +the surface, else wilt thou sink.</p> +<p>And of reserve, let no man know anything about thee. If +thy father is a greengrocer, as I dare say is the case with some +of the most mighty powers in the land, what matter so long as +another knoweth it not? See that thou quell all inquisitive +attempts to discover anything about thine habits, thy country, +thy parentage, and, in a word, let no one know anything of thee +beyond the exterior; for if thou dost let them within thy soul, +they will find but little, but if it be barred and locked, men +will think that by reason of thy strong keeping of the same, it +must contain much; and they will admire thee upon credit.</p> +<p>And of openness, be reserved in the particular, open in the +general; talk of debts, of women, of money, but say not what +debts, what women, or what money; be most open when thou doest a +shabby thing, which thou knowest will not escape detection. +If thy coat is bad, laugh and boast concerning it, call attention +to it and say thou hast had it for ten years, which will be a +lie, but men will nevertheless think thee frank, but run not the +risk of wearing a bad coat, save only in vacation time or in the +country. But when thou doest a shabby thing which will not +reach the general light, breathe not a word of it, but bury it +deeply in some corner of thine own knowledge only; if it come +out, glory in it; if not, let it sleep, for it is an unprofitable +thing to turn over bad ground.</p> +<p>And of distrust, distrust all men, most of all thine own +friends; they will know thee best, and thou them; thy real worth +cannot escape them, think not then that thou wilt get service out +of them in thy need, think not that they will deny themselves +that thou mayest be saved from want, that they will in after life +put out a finger to save thee, when thou canst be of no more use +to them, the clique having been broken up by time. Nay, but +be in thyself sufficient; distrust, and lean not so much as an +ounce-weight upon another.</p> +<p>These things keep and thou shalt do well; keep them all and +thou wilt be perfect; the more thou keep, the more nearly wilt +thou arrive at the end I proposed to thee at the commencement, +and even if thou doest but one of these things thoroughly, trust +me thou wilt still have much power over thy fellows.</p> +<h2><a name="page251"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 251</span>A +Skit on Examinations</h2> +<p class="gutsumm"><i>It should be explained that Tom Bridges was +a gyp at St. John’s College</i>, <i>during Butler’s +residence at Cambridge</i>.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">We</span> now come to the most eventful +period in Mr. Bridges’ life: we mean the time when he was +elected to the shoe-black scholarship, compared with which all +his previous honours sank into insignificance.</p> +<p>Mr. Bridges had long been desirous of becoming a candidate for +this distinction, but, until the death of Mr. Leader, no vacancy +having occurred among the scholars, he had as yet had no +opportunity of going in for it. The income to be derived +from it was not inconsiderable, and as it led to the porter +fellowship the mere pecuniary value was not to be despised, but +thirst of fame and the desire of a more public position were the +chief inducements to a man of Mr. Bridges’ temperament, in +which ambition and patriotism formed so prominent a part. +Latin, however, was not Mr. Bridges’ forte; he excelled +rather in the higher branches of arithmetic and the abstruse +sciences. His attainments, however, in the dead languages +were beyond those of most of his contemporaries, as the letter he +sent to the Master and Seniors will abundantly prove. It +was chiefly owing to the great reverence for genius shown by Dr. +Tatham that these letters have been preserved to us, as that +excellent man, considering that no circumstance connected with +Mr. Bridges’ celebrity could be justly consigned to +oblivion, rescued these valuable relics from the Bedmaker, as she +was on the point of using them to light the fire. By him +they were presented to the author of this memoir, who now for the +first time lays them before the public. The first was to +the Master himself, and ran as follows:—</p> +<blockquote><p>Reverende Sir,</p> +<p>Possum bene blackere shoas, et locus shoe-blackissis vacuus +est. Makee me shoeblackum si hoc tibi placeat, precor te, +quia desidero hoc locum.</p> +<p style="text-align: right">Your very humble servant,<br /> +<span class="smcap">Thomasus Bridgessus</span>.</p> +</blockquote> +<p>We subjoin Mr. Bridges’ autograph. The reader will +be astonished to perceive its resemblance to that of Napoleon I, +with whom he was very intimate, and with anecdotes of whom he +used very frequently to amuse his masters. We add that of +Napoleon.</p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span class="smcap">Thomas +Bridges</span></p> +<p style="text-align: center"><span +class="smcap">Napoleon</span></p> +<p>The second letter was to the Senior Bursar, who had often +before proved himself a friend to Mr. Bridges, and did not fail +him in this instance.</p> +<blockquote><p><span class="smcap">Bursare Senior</span>,</p> +<p>Ego humiliter begs pardonum te becausus quaereri dignitatum +shoeblacki and credo me getturum esse hoc locum.</p> +<p style="text-align: right">Your humble servant,<br /> +<span class="smcap">Thomasus Bridgessus</span>.</p> +</blockquote> +<p>Shortly afterwards Mr. Bridges was called upon, with six other +competitors, to attend in the Combination Room, and the following +papers were submitted to him.</p> +<h3>I</h3> +<p>1. Derive the word “blacking.” What +does Paley say on this subject? Do you, or do you not, +approve of Paley’s arguments, and why? Do you think +that Paley knew anything at all about it?</p> +<p>2. Who were Day and Martin? Give a short sketch of +their lives, and state their reasons for advertising their +blacking on the Pyramids. Do you approve of the advertising +system in general?</p> +<p>3. Do you consider the Japanese the original inventors +of blacking? State the principal ingredients of blacking, +and give a chemical analysis of the following substances: +Sulphate of zinc, nitrate of silver, potassium, copperas and +corrosive sublimate.</p> +<p>4. Is blacking an effective remedy against +hydrophobia? Against cholera? Against lock-jaw? +And do you consider it as valuable an instrument as burnt corks +in playing tricks upon a drunken man?</p> + +<div class="gapshortline"> </div> +<p>This was the Master’s paper. The Mathematical +Lecturer next gave him a few questions, of which the most +important were:—</p> +<h3>II</h3> +<p>1. Prove that the shoe may be represented by an equation +of the fifth degree. Find the equation to a man blacking a +shoe: (1) in rectangular co-ordinates; (2) in polar +co-ordinates.</p> +<p>2. A had 500 shoes to black every day, but being unwell +for two days he had to hire a substitute, and paid him a third of +the wages per shoe which he himself received. Had A been +ill two days longer there would have been the devil to pay; as it +was he actually paid the sum of the geometrical series found by +taking the first <i>n</i> letters of the substitute’s +name. How much did A pay the substitute? (Answer, +13<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i>)</p> +<p>3. Prove that the scraping-knife should never be a +secant, and the brush always a tangent to a shoe.</p> +<p>4. Can you distinguish between <i>meum</i> and +<i>tuum</i>? Prove that their values vary inversely as the +propinquity of the owners.</p> +<p>5. How often should a shoe-black ask his master for beer +notes? Interpret a negative result.</p> +<h2><a name="page255"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 255</span>An +Eminent Person</h2> +<p><span class="smcap">Among</span> the eminent persons deceased +during the past week we have to notice Mr. Arthur Ward, the +author of the very elegant treatise on the penny whistle. +Mr. Ward was rather above the middle height, inclined to be +stout, and had lost a considerable portion of his hair. Mr. +Ward did not wear spectacles, as asserted by a careless and +misinformed contemporary. Mr. Ward was a man of great +humour and talent; many of his sayings will be treasured up as +household words among his acquaintance, for instance, +“Lor!” “Oh, ah!” “Sech +is life.” “That’s cheerful.” +“He’s a lively man is Mr. . . . ” His +manners were affable and agreeable, and his playful gambols +exhibited an agility scarcely to be expected from a man of his +stature. On Thursday last Mr. Ward was dining off +beef-steak pie when a bit of gristle, unfortunately causing him +to cough, brought on a fit of apoplexy, the progress of which no +medical assistance was able to arrest. It is understood +that the funeral arrangements have been entrusted to our very +respectable fellow-townsman Mr. Smith, and will take place on +Monday.</p> +<h2><a name="page256"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +256</span>Napoleon at St. Helena</h2> +<p class="poetry">I see a warrior ’neath a willow tree;<br +/> +His arms are folded, and his full fixed eye<br /> +Is gazing on the sky. The evening breeze<br /> +Blows on him from the sea, and a great storm<br /> +Is rising. Not the storm nor evening breeze,<br /> +Nor the dark sea, nor the sun’s parting beam<br /> +Can move him; for in yonder sky he sees<br /> +The picture of his life, in yonder clouds<br /> +That rush towards each other he beholds<br /> +The mighty wars that he himself hath waged.<br /> +Blow on him, mighty storm; beat on him, rain;<br /> +You cannot move his folded arms nor turn<br /> +His gaze one second from the troubled sky.<br /> +Hark to the thunder! To him it is not thunder;<br /> +It is the noise of battles and the din<br /> +Of cannons on the field of Austerlitz,<br /> +The sky to him is the whole world disturbed<br /> +By war and rumours of great wars.<br /> +He tumbled like a thunderbolt from heaven<br /> +Upon the startled earth, and as he came<br /> +The round world leapt from out her usual course<br /> +And thought her time was come. Beat on him, rain;<br /> +And roar about him, O thou voice of thunder.<br /> +But what are ye to him? O more to him<br /> +Than all besides. To him ye are himself,<br /> +He knows it and your voice is lovely to him.<br /> +Hath brought the warfare to a close.<br /> +The storm is over; one terrific crash<br /> +Now, now he feels it, and he turns away;<br /> +His arms are now unfolded, and his hands<br /> +Pressed to his face conceal a warrior’s tears.<br /> +He flings himself upon the springing grass,<br /> +And weeps in agony. See, again he rises;<br /> +His brow is calm, and all his tears are gone.<br /> +The vision now is ended, and he saith:<br /> +“Thou storm art hushed for ever. Not again<br /> +Shall thy great voice be heard. Unto thy rest<br /> +Thou goest, never never to return.<br /> +I thank thee, that for one brief hour alone<br /> +Thou hast my bitter agonies assuaged;<br /> +Another storm may scare the frightened heavens,<br /> +And like to me may rise and fill<br /> +The elements with terror. I, alas!<br /> +Am blotted out as though I had not been,<br /> +And am become as though I was not born.<br /> +My day is over, and my night is come—<br /> +A night which brings no rest, nor quiet dreams,<br /> +Nor calm reflections, nor repose from toil,<br /> +But pain and sorrow, anguish never ceasing,<br /> +With dark uncertainty, despair and pain,<br /> +And death’s wide gate before me. Fare ye well!<br /> +The sky is clear and the world at rest;<br /> +Thou storm and I have but too much in common.”</p> +<h2><a name="page258"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 258</span>The +Two Deans</h2> +<h3>I</h3> +<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Williams</span>, I like +thee, amiable divine!<br /> +No milk-and-water character is thine.<br /> +A lay more lovely should thy worth attend<br /> +Than my poor muse, alas! hath power to lend.<br /> +Shall I describe thee as thou late didst sit,<br /> +The gater gated and the biter bit,<br /> +When impious hands at the dead hour of night<br /> +Forbade the way and made the barriers tight?<br /> +Next morn I heard their impious voices sing;<br /> +All up the stairs their blasphemies did ring:<br /> +“Come forth, O Williams, wherefore thus supine<br /> +Remain within thy chambers after nine?<br /> +Come forth, suffer thyself to be admired,<br /> +And blush not so, coy dean, to be desired.”<br /> +The captive churchman chafes with empty rage,<br /> +Till some knight-errant free him from his cage.<br /> +Pale fear and anger sit upon yon face<br /> +Erst full of love and piety and grace,<br /> +But not pale fear nor anger will undo<br /> +The iron might of gimlet and of screw.<br /> +Grin at the window, Williams, all is vain;<br /> +The carpenter will come and let thee out again.<br /> + Contrast with him the countenance serene<br /> +And sweet remonstrance of the junior dean;<br /> +<a name="page259"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 259</span>The +plural number and the accents mild,<br /> +The language of a parent to a child.<br /> +With plaintive voice the worthy man doth state,<br /> +We’ve not been very regular of late.<br /> +It should more carefully its chapels keep,<br /> +And not make noises to disturb our sleep<br /> +By having suppers and at early hours<br /> +Raising its lungs unto their utmost powers.<br /> +We’ll put it, if it makes a noise again,<br /> +On gatesey patsems at the hour of ten;<br /> +And leafy peafy it will turn I’m sure,<br /> +And never vex its own dear Sharpey more.</p> +<h3>II</h3> +<p class="gutsumm"><span class="smcap">Scene</span>.—<i>The +Court of St. John’s College</i>, <i>Cambridge</i>. +<i>Enter the two Deans on their way to morning chapel</i>.</p> +<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Junior Dean</span>. +Brother, I am much pleased with Samuel Butler,<br /> +I have observed him mightily of late;<br /> +Methinks that in his melancholy walk<br /> +And air subdued whene’er he meeteth me<br /> +Lurks something more than in most other men.</p> +<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Senior Dean</span>. +It is a good young man. I do bethink me<br /> +That once I walked behind him in the cloister;<br /> +He saw me not, but whispered to his fellow:<br /> +“Of all men who do dwell beneath the moon<br /> +I love and reverence most the senior Dean.”</p> +<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Junior Dean</span>. +One thing is passing strange, and yet I know not<br /> +How to condemn it, but in one plain brief word<br /> +He never comes to Sunday morning chapel.<br /> +Methinks he teacheth in some Sunday-school,<br /> +Feeding the poor and starveling intellect<br /> +With wholesome knowledge, or on the Sabbath morn<br /> +He loves the country and the neighbouring spire<br /> +Of Madingley or Coton, or perchance<br /> +Amid some humble poor he spends the day,<br /> +Conversing with them, learning all their cares,<br /> +Comforting them and easing them in sickness.</p> +<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">Senior Dean</span>. I +will advance him to some public post,<br /> +He shall be chapel clerk, some day a Fellow,<br /> +Some day perhaps a Dean, but as thou say’st<br /> +He is indeed an excellent young man—</p> +<p><i>Enter</i> <span class="smcap">Butler</span> +<i>suddenly</i>, <i>without a coat or anything on his head</i>, +<i>rushing through the cloisters</i>, <i>bearing a cup</i>, <i>a +bottle of cider</i>, <i>four lemons</i>, <i>two nutmegs</i>, +<i>half a pound of sugar and a nutmeg grater</i>.</p> +<p><i>Curtain falls on the confusion of</i> <span +class="smcap">Butler</span> <i>and the horror-stricken dismay of +the two Deans</i>.</p> +<h2><a name="page261"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 261</span>The +Battle of Alma Mater</h2> +<h3>I</h3> +<p class="poetry"><span class="smcap">The</span> Temperance +commissioners<br /> + In awful conclave sat,<br /> +Their noses into this to poke<br /> +To poke them into that—<br /> +In awful conclave sat they,<br /> + And swore a solemn oath,<br /> +That snuff should make no Briton sneeze,<br /> +That smokers all to smoke should cease,<br /> + They swore to conquer both.</p> +<h3>II</h3> +<p class="poetry">Forth went a great Teetotaller,<br /> + With pamphlet armed and pen,<br /> +He travelled east, he travelled west,<br /> + Tobacco to condemn.<br /> +At length to Cantabrigia,<br /> + To move her sons to shame,<br /> +Foredoomed to chaff and insult,<br /> + That gallant hero came.</p> +<h3>III</h3> +<p class="poetry">’Tis Friday: to the Guildhall<br /> + Come pouring in apace<br /> +The gownsmen and the townsmen<br /> + Right thro’ the market place—<br /> +They meet, these bitter foemen<br /> + Not enemies but friends—<br /> +Then fearless to the rostrum,<br /> + The Lecturer ascends.</p> +<h3>IV</h3> +<p class="poetry">He cursed the martyr’d Raleigh,<br /> + He cursed the mild cigar,<br /> +He traced to pipe and cabbage leaf<br /> + Consumption and catarrh;<br /> +He railed at simple bird’s-eye,<br /> + By freshmen only tried,<br /> +And with rude and bitter jest assailed<br /> + The yard of clay beside.</p> +<h3>V</h3> +<p class="poetry">When suddenly full twenty pipes,<br /> + And weeds full twenty more<br /> +Were seen to rise at signal,<br /> + Where none were seen before.<br /> +No mouth but puffed out gaily<br /> + A cloud of yellow fume,<br /> +And merrily the curls of smoke<br /> + Went circling ’thro the room.</p> +<h3>VI</h3> +<p class="poetry">In vain th’ indignant mayor harangued,<br +/> + A mighty chandler he!<br /> +While peas his hoary head around<br /> + They whistled pleasantly.<br /> +In vain he tenderly inquired,<br /> + ’Mid many a wild “hurrah!”<br /> +“Of this what father dear would think,<br /> + Of that what dear mamma?”</p> +<h3>VII</h3> +<p class="poetry">In rushed a host of peelers,<br /> + With a sergeant at the head,<br /> +Jaggard to every kitchen known,<br /> + Of missuses the dread.<br /> +In rushed that warlike multitude,<br /> + Like bees from out their hive,<br /> +With Fluffy of the squinting eye,<br /> + And fighting No. 5.</p> +<h3>VIII</h3> +<p class="poetry">Up sprang Inspector Fluffy,<br /> + Up Sergeant Jaggard rose,<br /> +And playfully with staff he tapped<br /> + A gownsman on the nose.<br /> +As falls a thundersmitten oak,<br /> + The valiant Jaggard fell,<br /> +With a line above each ogle,<br /> + And a “mouse” or two as well.</p> +<h3>IX</h3> +<p class="poetry">But hark! the cry is +“Smuffkins!”<br /> + And loud the gownsmen cheer,<br /> +And lo! a stalwart Johnian<br /> + Comes jostling from the rear:<br /> +He eyed the flinching peelers,<br /> + He aimed a deadly blow,<br /> +Then quick before his fist went down<br /> + Inspector, Marshal, Peelers, Town,<br /> +While fiercer fought the joyful Gown,<br /> + To see the claret flow.</p> +<h3>X</h3> +<p class="poetry">They run, they run! to win the door<br /> + The vanquished peelers flew;<br /> +They left the sergeant’s hat behind,<br /> + And the lecturer’s surtout:<br /> +Now by our Lady Margaret,<br /> + It was a goodly sight,<br /> +To see that routed multitude<br /> + Swept down the tide of flight.</p> +<h3>XI</h3> +<p class="poetry">Then hurrah! for gallant Smuffkins,<br /> + For Cantabs one hurrah!<br /> +Like wolves in quest of prey they scent<br /> + A peeler from afar.<br /> +Hurrah! for all who strove and bled<br /> + For liberty and right,<br /> +What time within the Guildhall<br /> + Was fought the glorious fight.</p> +<h2><a name="page265"></a><span class="pagenum">p. 265</span>On +the Italian Priesthood</h2> +<p class="gutsumm"><i>This an adaptation of the following +epigram</i>, <i>which appeared in Giuseppe Giusti’s</i> +<span class="smcap">Raccolta di Proverbi Toscani</span> +(<i>Firenze</i>, 1853)</p> +<blockquote><p><i>Con arte e con inganno si vive mezzo +l’anno</i><br /> +<i>Con inganno e con arte si vive l’altra parte</i>.</p> +<p>In knavish art and gathering gear<br /> +They spend the one half of the year;<br /> +In gathering gear and knavish art<br /> +They somehow spend the other part.</p> +</blockquote> +<h2><a name="page266"></a><span class="pagenum">p. +266</span>Samuel Butler and the Simeonites</h2> +<p class="gutsumm"><i>The following article</i>, <i>which +originally appeared in the</i> <span class="smcap">Cambridge +Magazine</span>, 1 <i>March</i>, 1913, <i>is by Mr. A. T. +Bartholomew</i>, <i>of the University Library</i>, +<i>Cambridge</i>, <i>who has most kindly allowed me to include it +in the present volume</i>. <i>Mr. Bartholomew’s +discovery of Samuel Butler’s parody of the Simeonite tract +throws a most interesting light upon a curious passage in</i> +<span class="smcap">The Way of all Flesh</span>, <i>and it is a +great pleasure to me to be able to give Butlerians the story of +Mr. Bartholomew’s</i> “<i>find</i>” <i>in his +own words</i>.</p> +<p><span class="smcap">Readers</span> of Samuel Butler’s +remarkable story <i>The Way of All Flesh</i> will probably recall +his description of the Simeonites (chap. xlvii), who still +flourished at Cambridge when Ernest Pontifex was up at +Emmanuel. Ernest went down in 1858; so did Butler. +Throughout the book the spiritual and intellectual life and +development of Ernest are drawn from Butler’s own +experience.</p> +<p>“The one phase of spiritual activity which had any life +in it during the time Ernest was at Cambridge was connected with +the name of Simeon. There were still a good many +Simeonites, or as they were more briefly called +‘Sims,’ in Ernest’s time. Every college +contained some of them, but their head-quarters were at Caius, +whither they were attracted by Mr. Clayton, who was at that time +senior tutor, and among the sizars of St. John’s. +Behind the then chapel of this last-named college was a +‘labyrinth’ (this was the name it bore) of dingy, +tumble-down rooms,” and here dwelt many Simeonites, +“unprepossessing in feature, gait, and manners, unkempt and +ill-dressed beyond what can be easily described. Destined +most of them for the Church, the Simeonites held themselves to +have received a very loud call to the ministry . . . They would +be instant in season and out of season in imparting spiritual +instruction to all whom they could persuade to listen to +them. But the soil of the more prosperous undergraduates +was not suitable for the seed they tried to sow. When they +distributed tracts, dropping them at night into good men’s +letter boxes while they were asleep, their tracts got burnt, or +met with even worse contumely.” For Ernest Pontifex +“they had a repellent attraction; he disliked them, but he +could not bring himself to leave them alone. On one +occasion he had gone so far as to parody one of the tracts they +had sent round in the night, and to get a copy dropped into each +of the leading Simeonites’ boxes. The subject he had +taken was ‘Personal Cleanliness.’”</p> +<p>Some years ago I found among the Cambridge papers in the late +Mr. J. W. Clark’s collection three printed pieces bearing +on the subject. The first is a genuine Simeonite tract; the +other two are parodies. All three are anonymous. At +the top of the second parody is written “By S. +Butler. March 31.” It will be necessary to give +a few quotations from the Simeonite utterance in order to bring +out the full flavour of Butler’s parody, which is given +entire. Butler went up to St. John’s in October, +1854; so at the time of writing this squib he was in his second +term, and 18 years of age.</p> +<p style="text-align: right">A. T. B.</p> +<p>I.—<i>Extracts from the sheet dated</i> “<i>St. +John’s College</i>, <i>March</i> 13<i>th</i>, +1855.” <i>In a manuscript note this is stated to be +by Ynyr Lamb</i>, <i>of St. John’s</i> (<i>B.A.</i>, +1862).</p> +<p>1. When a celebrated French king once showed the infidel +philosopher Hume into his carriage, the latter at once leaped in, +on which his majesty remarked: “That’s the most +accomplished man living.”</p> +<p>It is impossible to presume enough on Divine grace; this kind +of presumption is the characteristic of Heaven. . .</p> +<p>2. Religion is not an obedience to external forms or +observances, but “a bold leap in the dark into the arms of +an affectionate Father.”</p> +<p>4. However Church Music may raise the devotional +feelings, these bring a man not one iota nearer to Christ, +neither is it acceptable in His sight.</p> +<p>13. The <i>one</i> thing needful is Faith: Faith = +¼ (historical faith) + ¾ (heart-belief, or +assurance, or justification) 1¾ peace; and +peace=L<sup>n</sup> Trust - care+joy +<sup><i>n</i></sup><sup>-</sup><sup><i>r</i></sup><sup>+1</sup></p> +<p>18. The Lord’s church has been always peculiarly +tried at different stages of history, and each era will have its +peculiar glory in eternity. . . . At the present time the trial +for the church is peculiar; never before, perhaps, were the +insinuations of the adversary so plausible and artful—his +ingenuity so subtle—himself so much an angel of +light—experience has sharpened his +wit—“<i>While men slept</i> the enemy sowed +tares”—he is now the base hypocrite—he suits +his blandishments to all—the Church is lulled in the arms +of the monster, rolling the sweet morsel under her tongue . . +.</p> +<h3>II.—<i>Samuel Butler’s Parody</i></h3> +<p>1. Beware! Beware! Beware! The enemy +sowed tracts in the night, and the righteous men tremble.</p> +<p>2. There are only 10 good men in John’s; I am one; +reader, calculate your chance of salvation.</p> +<p>3. The genuine recipe for the leaven of the Pharisees is +still extant, and runs as follows:—Self-deceit ⅓ + +want of charity ½ + outward show ⅓, humbug ∞, +insert Sim or not as required. Reader, let each one who +would seem to be righteous take unto himself this leaven.</p> +<p>4. “The University Church is a place too much +neglected by the young men up here.” Thus said the +learned Selwyn, <a name="citation269"></a><a href="#footnote269" +class="citation">[269]</a> and he said well. How far better +would it be if each man’s own heart was a little University +Church, the pericardium a little University churchyard, wherein +are buried the lust of the flesh, the pomps and vanities of this +wicked world; the veins and arteries, little clergymen and +bishops ministering therein; and the blood a stream of soberness, +temperance and chastity perpetually flowing into it.</p> +<p>5. The deluge went before, misery followed after, in the +middle came a Puseyite playing upon an organ. Reader, flee +from him, for he playeth his own soul to damnation.</p> +<p>6. Church music is as the whore of Babylon, or the +ramping lion who sought whom he might devour; music in a church +cannot be good, when St. Paul bade those who were merry to sing +psalms. Music is but tinkling brass, and sounding cymbals, +which is what St. Paul says he should himself be, were he without +charity; he evidently then did not consider music desirable.</p> +<p>7. The most truly religious and only thoroughly good man +in Cambridge is Clayton, <a name="citation270"></a><a +href="#footnote270" class="citation">[270]</a> of Cams.</p> +<p>8. “Charity is but the compassion that we feel for +our own vices when we perceive their hatefulness in other +people.” Charity, then, is but another name for +selfishness, and must be eschewed accordingly.</p> +<p>9. A great French king was walking one day with the late +Mr. B., when the king dropped his umbrella. Mr. B. +instantly stooped down and picked it up. The king said in a +very sweet tone, “Thank you.”</p> +<p>10. The Cam is the river Jordan. An unthinking +mind may consider this a startling announcement. Let such +an one pray for grace to read the mystery aright.</p> +<p>11. When I’ve lost a button off my trousers I go +to the tailors’ and get a new one sewn on.</p> +<p>12. Faith and Works were walking one day on the road to +Zion, when Works turned into a public-house, and said he would +not go any further, at the same time telling Faith to go on by +himself, and saying that “he should be only a drag upon +him.” Faith accordingly left Works in the ale-house, +and went on. He had not gone far before he began to feel +faint, and thought he had better turn back and wait for +Works. He suited the action to the word, and finding Works +in an advanced state of beer, fell to, and even surpassed that +worthy in his potations. They then set to work and fought +lustily, and would have done each other a mortal injury had not a +Policeman providentially arrived, and walked them off to the +station-house. As it was they were fined Five Shillings +each, and it was a long time before they fully recovered.</p> +<p>13. What can 10 fools do among 300 sinners? They +can do much harm, and had far better let the sinners seek peace +their own way in the wilderness than ram it down their throats +during the night.</p> +<p>14. Barnwell is a place near Cambridge. It is one +of the descents into the infernal regions; nay, the infernal +regions have there ascended to the upper earth, and are +rampant. He that goeth by it shall be scorched, but he that +seeketh it knowingly shall be devoured in the twinkling of an +eye, and become withered as the grass at noonday.</p> +<p>15. Young men do not seem to consider that houses were +made to pray in, as well as to eat and to drink in. +Spiritual food is much more easily procured and far cheaper than +bodily nutriment; that, perhaps, is the reason why many overlook +it.</p> +<p>16. When we were children our nurses used to say, +“Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top, when the bough bends the +cradle will rock.” Do the nurses intend the wind to +represent temptation and the storm of life, the tree-top +ambition, and the cradle the body of the child in which the soul +traverses life’s ocean? I cannot doubt all this +passes through the nurses’ minds. Again, when they +say, “Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep and doesn’t +know where to find them; let them alone and they’ll come +home with their tails all right behind them,” is Little +Bo-peep intended for mother Church? Are the sheep our +erring selves, and our subsequent return to the fold? No +doubt of it.</p> +<p>17. A child will often eat of itself what no compulsion +can induce it to touch. Men are disgusted with religion if +it is placed before them at unseasonable times, in unseasonable +places, and clothed in a most unseemly dress. Let them +alone, and many will perhaps seek it for themselves, whom the +world suspects not. A whited sepulchre is a very +picturesque object, and I like it immensely, and I like a Sim +too. But the whited sepulchre is an acknowledged humbug and +most of the Sims are not, in my opinion, very far different.</p> +<h2>FOOTNOTES.</h2> +<p><a name="footnote207"></a><a href="#citation207" +class="footnote">[207]</a> This was called to my attention +by a distinguished Greek scholar of this University.</p> +<p><a name="footnote233a"></a><a href="#citation233a" +class="footnote">[233a]</a> The Hauenstein tunnel was not +completed until later. Its construction was delayed by a +fall of earth which occurred in 1857 and buried sixty-three +workmen.—R. A. S.</p> +<p><a name="footnote233b"></a><a href="#citation233b" +class="footnote">[233b]</a> Mr. J. F. Harris has identified +Butler’s rooms in the third court of St. John’s +College.—R. A. S.</p> +<p><a name="footnote239"></a><a href="#citation239" +class="footnote">[239]</a> As Walmisley died in January, +1856, this piece must evidently date from Butler’s first +year at Cambridge.—R. A. S.</p> +<p><a name="footnote269"></a><a href="#citation269" +class="footnote">[269]</a> William Selwyn D.D., Fellow of +St. John’s Lady Margaret Professor of Divinity, died +1875.—A. T. B.</p> +<p><a name="footnote270"></a><a href="#citation270" +class="footnote">[270]</a> Charles Clayton, M.A., of Gonville and +Caius, Vicar of Holy Trinity, Cambridge, 1851–65. +Died 1883.—A. T. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.12.12.00*END* + + + + + +This etext was produced from the 1914 A. C. Fifield edition by David +Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk + + + + + +SAMUEL BUTLER'S CAMBRIDGE PIECES + +by Samuel Butler + + + + +Contents: + On English Composition and Other Matters + Our Tour + Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus + The shield of Achilles, with variations + Prospectus of the Great Split Society + Powers + A skit on examinations + An Eminent Person + Napoleon at St. Helena + THE TWO DEANS + The Battle of Alma Mater + On the Italian Priesthood + Samuel Butler and the Simeonites + + + +ON ENGLISH COMPOSITION AND OTHER MATTERS + + + +This essay is believed to be the first composition by Samuel Butler +that appeared in print. It was published in the first number of the +EAGLE, a magazine written and edited by members of St. John's +College, Cambridge, in the Lent Term, 1858, when Butler was in his +fourth and last year of residence. + +[From the Eagle, Vol. 1, No. 1, Lent Term, 1858, p. 41.] + +I sit down scarcely knowing how to grasp my own meaning, and give it +a tangible shape in words; and yet it is concerning this very +expression of our thoughts in words that I wish to speak. As I muse +things fall more into their proper places, and, little fit for the +task as my confession pronounces me to be, I will try to make clear +that which is in my mind. + +I think, then, that the style of our authors of a couple of hundred +years ago was more terse and masculine than that of those of the +present day, possessing both more of the graphic element, and more +vigour, straightforwardness, and conciseness. Most readers will +have anticipated me in admitting that a man should be clear of his +meaning before he endeavours to give to it any kind of utterance, +and that having made up his mind what to say, the less thought he +takes how to say it, more than briefly, pointedly, and plainly, the +better; for instance, Bacon tells us, "Men fear death as children +fear to go in the dark"; he does not say, what I can imagine a last +century writer to have said, "A feeling somewhat analogous to the +dread with which children are affected upon entering a dark room, is +that which most men entertain at the contemplation of death." +Jeremy Taylor says, "Tell them it is as much intemperance to weep +too much as to laugh too much"; he does not say, "All men will +acknowledge that laughing admits of intemperance, but some men may +at first sight hesitate to allow that a similar imputation may be at +times attached to weeping." + +I incline to believe that as irons support the rickety child, whilst +they impede the healthy one, so rules, for the most part, are but +useful to the weaker among us. Our greatest masters in language, +whether prose or verse, in painting, music, architecture, or the +like, have been those who preceded the rule and whose excellence +gave rise thereto; men who preceded, I should rather say, not the +rule, but the discovery of the rule, men whose intuitive perception +led them to the right practice. We cannot imagine Homer to have +studied rules, and the infant genius of those giants of their art, +Handel, Mozart, and Beethoven, who composed at the ages of seven, +five, and ten, must certainly have been unfettered by them: to the +less brilliantly endowed, however, they have a use as being +compendious safeguards against error. Let me then lay down as the +best of all rules for writing, "forgetfulness of self, and +carefulness of the matter in hand." No simile is out of place that +illustrates the subject; in fact a simile as showing the symmetry of +this world's arrangement, is always, if a fair one, interesting; +every simile is amiss that leads the mind from the contemplation of +its object to the contemplation of its author. This will apply +equally to the heaping up of unnecessary illustrations: it is as +great a fault to supply the reader with too many as with too few; +having given him at most two, it is better to let him read slowly +and think out the rest for himself than to surfeit him with an +abundance of explanation. Hood says well, + + +And thus upon the public mind intrude it; +As if I thought, like Otaheitan cooks, +No food was fit to eat till I had chewed it. + + +A book that is worth reading will be worth reading thoughtfully, and +there are but few good books, save certain novels, that it is well +to read in an arm-chair. Most will bear standing to. At the +present time we seem to lack the impassiveness and impartiality +which was so marked among the writings of our forefathers, we are +seldom content with the simple narration of fact, but must rush off +into an almost declamatory description of them; my meaning will be +plain to all who have studied Thucydides. The dignity of his +simplicity is, I think, marred by those who put in the accessories +which seem thought necessary in all present histories. How few +writers of the present day would not, instead of [Greek text which +cannot be reproduced] rather write, "Night fell upon this horrid +scene of bloodshed." {1} This is somewhat a matter of taste, but I +think I shall find some to agree with me in preferring for plain +narration (of course I exclude oratory) the unadorned gravity of +Thucydides. There are, indeed, some writers of the present day who +seem returning to the statement of facts rather than their +adornment, but these are not the most generally admired. This +simplicity, however, to be truly effective must be unstudied; it +will not do to write with affected terseness, a charge which, I +think, may be fairly preferred against Tacitus; such a style if ever +effective must be so from excess of artifice and not from that +artlessness of simplicity which I should wish to see prevalent among +us. + +Neither again is it well to write and go over the ground again with +the pruning knife, though this fault is better than the other; to +take care of the matter, and let the words take care of themselves, +is the best safeguard. + +To this I shall be answered, "Yes, but is not a diamond cut and +polished a more beautiful object than when rough?" I grant it, and +more valuable, inasmuch as it has run chance of spoliation in the +cutting, but I maintain that the thinking man, the man whose +thoughts are great and worth the consideration of others, will "deal +in proprieties," and will from the mine of his thoughts produce +ready-cut diamonds, or rather will cut them there spontaneously, ere +ever they see the light of day. + +There are a few points still which it were well we should consider. +We are all too apt when we sit down to study a subject to have +already formed our opinion, and to weave all matter to the warp of +our preconceived judgment, to fall in with the received idea, and, +with biassed minds, unconsciously to follow in the wake of public +opinion, while professing to lead it. To the best of my belief half +the dogmatism of those we daily meet is in consequence of the +unwitting practices of this self-deception. Simply let us not talk +about what we do not understand, save as learners, and we shall not +by writing mislead others. + +There is no shame in being obliged to others for opinions, the shame +is not being honest enough to acknowledge it: I would have no one +omit to put down a useful thought because it was not his own, +provided it tended to the better expression of his matter, and he +did not conceal its source; let him, however, set out the borrowed +capital to interest. One word more and I have done. With regard to +our subject, the best rule is not to write concerning that about +which we cannot at our present age know anything save by a process +which is commonly called cram: on all such matters there are abler +writers than ourselves; the men, in fact, from whom we cram. Never +let us hunt after a subject, unless we have something which we feel +urged on to say, it is better to say nothing; who are so ridiculous +as those who talk for the sake of talking, save only those who write +for the sake of writing? But there are subjects which all young men +think about. Who can take a walk in our streets and not think? The +most trivial incident has ramifications, to whose guidance if we +surrender our thoughts, we are oft-times led upon a gold mine +unawares, and no man whether old or young is worse for reading the +ingenuous and unaffected statement of a young man's thoughts. There +are some things in which experience blunts the mental vision, as +well as others in which it sharpens it. The former are best +described by younger men, our province is not to lead public +opinion, is not in fact to ape our seniors, and transport ourselves +from our proper sphere, it is rather to show ourselves as we are, to +throw our thoughts before the public as they rise, without requiring +it to imagine that we are right and others wrong, but hoping for the +forbearance which I must beg the reader to concede to myself, and +trusting to the genuineness and vigour of our design to attract it +may be more than a passing attention. + +I am aware that I have digressed from the original purpose of my +essay, but I hope for pardon, if, believing the digression to be of +more value than the original matter, I have not checked my pen, but +let it run on even as my heart directed it. + +CELLARIUS. + + + +OUR TOUR + + + +This essay was published in the EAGLE, Vol. 1, No. 5. in the Easter +Term, 1859. It describes a holiday trip made by Butler in June, +1857, in company with a friend whose name, which was Joseph Green, +Butler Italianised as Giuseppe Verdi. I am permitted by Professor +Bonney to quote a few words from a private letter of his referring +to Butler's tour: "It was remarkable in the amount of ground +covered and the small sum spent, but still more in the direction +taken in the first part of the tour. Dauphine was then almost a +TERRA INCOGNITA to English or any other travellers." + +[From the Eagle, Vol. 1, No. 5. Easter Term, 1859, p. 241.] + +As the vacation is near, and many may find themselves with three +weeks' time on their hand, five-and-twenty pounds in their pockets, +and the map of Europe before them, perhaps the following sketch of +what can be effected with such money and in such time, may not come +amiss to those, who, like ourselves a couple of years ago, are in +doubt how to enjoy themselves most effectually after a term's hard +reading. + +To some, probably, the tour we decided upon may seem too hurried, +and the fatigue too great for too little profit; still even to these +it may happen that a portion of the following pages may be useful. +Indeed, the tour was scarcely conceived at first in its full extent, +originally we had intended devoting ourselves entirely to the French +architecture of Normandy and Brittany. Then we grew ambitious, and +stretched our imaginations to Paris. Then the longing for a snowy +mountain waxed, and the love of French Gothic waned, and we +determined to explore the French Alps. Then we thought that we must +just step over them and take a peep into Italy, and so, disdaining +to return by the road we had already travelled, we would cut off the +north-west corner of Italy, and cross the Alps again into +Switzerland, where, of course, we must see the cream of what was to +be seen; and then thinking it possible that our three weeks and our +five-and-twenty pounds might be looking foolish, we would return, +via Strasburg to Paris, and so to Cambridge. This plan we +eventually carried into execution, spending not a penny more money, +nor an hour's more time; and, despite the declarations which met us +on all sides that we could never achieve anything like all we had +intended, I hope to be able to show how we did achieve it, and how +anyone else may do the like if he has a mind. A person with a good +deal of energy might do much more than this; we ourselves had at one +time entertained thoughts of going to Rome for two days, and thence +to Naples, walking over the Monte St. Angelo from Castellamare to +Amalfi (which for my own part I cherish with fond affection, as +being far the most lovely thing that I have ever seen), and then +returning as with a Nunc Dimittis, and I still think it would have +been very possible; but, on the whole, such a journey would not have +been so well, for the long tedious road between Marseilles and Paris +would have twice been traversed by us, to say nothing of the sea +journey between Marseilles and Civita Vecchia. However, no more of +what might have been, let us proceed to what was. + +If on Tuesday, June 9 [i.e. 1857], you leave London Bridge at six +o'clock in the morning, you will get (via Newhaven) to Dieppe at +fifteen minutes past three. If on landing you go to the Hotel +Victoria, you will find good accommodation and a table d'hote at +five o'clock; you can then go and admire the town, which will not be +worth admiring, but which will fill you with pleasure on account of +the novelty and freshness of everything you meet; whether it is the +old bonnet-less, short-petticoated women walking arm and arm with +their grandsons, whether the church with its quaint sculpture of the +Entombment of our Lord, and the sad votive candles ever guttering in +front of it, or whether the plain evidence that meets one at every +touch and turn, that one is among people who live out of doors very +much more than ourselves, or what not--all will be charming, and if +you are yourself in high spirits and health, full of anticipation +and well inclined to be pleased with all you see, Dieppe will appear +a very charming place, and one which a year or two hence you will +fancy that you would like to revisit. But now we must leave it at +forty-five minutes past seven, and at twelve o'clock on Tuesday +night we shall find ourselves in Paris. We drive off to the Hotel +de Normandie in the Rue St. Honore, 290 (I think), stroll out and +get a cup of coffee, and return to bed at one o'clock. + +The next day we spent in Paris, and of it no account need be given, +save perhaps the reader may be advised to ascend the Arc de +Triomphe, and not to waste his time in looking at Napoleon's hats +and coats and shoes in the Louvre; to eschew all the picture rooms +save the one with the Murillos, and the great gallery, and to dine +at the Diners de Paris. If he asks leave to wash his hands before +dining there, he will observe a little astonishment among the +waiters at the barbarian cleanliness of the English, and be shown +into a little room, where a diminutive bowl will be proffered to +him, of which more anon; let him first (as we did) wash or rather +sprinkle his face as best he can, and then we will tell him after +dinner what we generally do with the bowls in question. I forget +how many things they gave us, but I am sure many more than would be +pleasant to read, nor do I remember any circumstance connected with +the dinner, save that on occasion of one of the courses, the waiter +perceiving a little perplexity on my part as to how I should manage +an artichoke served a la francaise, feelingly removed my knife and +fork from my hand and cut it up himself into six mouthfuls, +returning me the whole with a sigh of gratitude for the escape of +the artichoke from a barbarous and unnatural end; and then after +dinner they brought us little tumblers of warm lavender scent and +water to wash our mouths out, and the little bowls to spit into; but +enough of eating, we must have some more coffee at a cafe on the +Boulevards, watch the carriages and the people and the dresses and +the sunshine and all the pomps and vanities which the Boulevards +have not yet renounced; return to the inn, fetch our knapsacks, and +be off to the Chemin de Fer de Lyon by forty-five minutes past +seven; our train leaves at five minutes past eight, and we are +booked to Grenoble. All night long the train speeds towards the +south. We leave Sens with its grey cathedral solemnly towering in +the moonlight a mile on the left. (How few remember, that to the +architect William of Sens we owe Canterbury Cathedral.) +Fontainebleau is on the right, station after station wakes up our +dozing senses, while ever in our ears are ringing as through the dim +light we gaze on the surrounding country, "the pastures of +Switzerland and the poplar valleys of France." + +It is still dark--as dark, that is, as the midsummer night will +allow it to be, when we are aware that we have entered on a tunnel; +a long tunnel, very long--I fancy there must be high hills above it; +for I remember that some few years ago when I was travelling up from +Marseilles to Paris in midwinter, all the way from Avignon (between +which place and Chalon the railway was not completed), there had +been a dense frozen fog; on neither hand could anything beyond the +road be descried, while every bush and tree was coated with a thick +and steadily increasing fringe of silver hoar-frost, for the night +and day, and half-day that it took us to reach this tunnel, all was +the same--bitter cold dense fog and ever silently increasing hoar- +frost: but on emerging from it, the whole scene was completely +changed; the air was clear, the sun shining brightly, no hoar-frost +and only a few patches of fast melting snow, everything in fact +betokening a thaw of some days' duration. Another thing I know +about this tunnel which makes me regard it with veneration as a +boundary line in countries, namely, that on every high ground after +this tunnel on clear days Mont Blanc may be seen. True, it is only +very rarely seen, but I have known those who have seen it; and +accordingly touch my companion on the side, and say, "We are within +sight of the Alps"; a few miles farther on and we are at Dijon. It +is still very early morning, I think about three o'clock, but we +feel as if we were already at the Alps, and keep looking anxiously +out for them, though we well know that it is a moral impossibility +that we should see them for some hours at the least. Indian corn +comes in after Dijon; the oleanders begin to come out of their tubs; +the peach trees, apricots, and nectarines unnail themselves from the +walls, and stand alone in the open fields. The vineyards are still +scrubby, but the practised eye readily detects with each hour some +slight token that we are nearer the sun than we were, or, at any +rate, farther from the North Pole. We don't stay long at Dijon nor +at Chalon, at Lyons we have an hour to wait; breakfast off a basin +of cafe au lait and a huge hunch of bread, get a miserable wash, +compared with which the spittoons of the Diners de Paris were +luxurious, and return in time to proceed to St. Rambert, whence the +railroad branches off to Grenoble. It is very beautiful between +Lyons and St. Rambert. The mulberry trees show the silkworm to be a +denizen of the country, while the fields are dazzlingly brilliant +with poppies and salvias; on the other side of the Rhone rise high +cloud-capped hills, but towards the Alps we strain our eyes in vain. + +At St. Rambert the railroad to Grenoble branches off at right angles +to the main line, it was then only complete as far as Rives, now it +is continued the whole way to Grenoble; by which the reader will +save some two or three hours, but miss a beautiful ride from Rives +to Grenoble by the road. The valley bears the name of Gresivaudan. +It is very rich and luxuriant, the vineyards are more Italian, the +fig trees larger than we have yet seen them, patches of snow whiten +the higher hills, and we feel that we are at last indeed among the +outskirts of the Alps themselves. I am told that we should have +stayed at Voreppe, seen the Grande Chartreuse (for which see +Murray), and then gone on to Grenoble, but we were pressed for time +and could not do everything. At Grenoble we arrived about two +o'clock, washed comfortably at last and then dined; during dinner a +caleche was preparing to drive us on to Bourg d'Oisans, a place some +six or seven and thirty miles farther on, and by thirty minutes past +three we find ourselves reclining easily within it, and digesting +dinner with the assistance of a little packet, for which we paid +one-and-fourpence at the well-known shop of Mr. Bacon, Market- +square, Cambridge. It is very charming. The air is sweet, warm, +and sunny, there has been bad weather for some days here, but it is +clearing up; the clouds are lifting themselves hour by hour, we are +evidently going to have a pleasant spell of fine weather. The +caleche jolts a little, and the horse is decidedly shabby, both qua +horse and qua harness, but our moustaches are growing, and our +general appearance is in keeping. The wine was very pleasant at +Grenoble, and we have a pound of ripe cherries between us; so, on +the whole, we would not change with his Royal Highness Prince Albert +or all the Royal Family, and jolt on through the long straight +poplar avenue that colonnades the road above the level swamp and +beneath the hills, and turning a sharp angle enter Vizille, a +wretched place, only memorable because from this point we begin +definitely, though slowly, to enter the hills and ascend by the side +of the Romanche through the valley, which that river either made or +found--who knows or cares? But we do know very well that we are +driving up a very exquisitely beautiful valley, that the Romanche +takes longer leaps from rock to rock than she did, that the hills +have closed in upon us, that we see more snow each time the valley +opens, that the villages get scantier, and that at last a great +giant iceberg walls up the way in front, and we feast our eyes on +the long-desired sight till after that the setting sun has tinged it +purple (a sure sign of a fine day), its ghastly pallor shows us that +the night is upon us. It is cold, and we are not sorry at half-past +nine to find ourselves at Bourg d'Oisans, where there is a very fair +inn kept by one Martin; we get a comfortable supper of eggs and go +to bed fairly tired. + +This we must remind the reader is Thursday night, on Tuesday morning +we left London, spent one day in Paris, and are now sleeping among +the Alps, sharpish work, but very satisfactory, and a prelude to +better things by and by. The next day we made rather a mistake, +instead of going straight on to Briancon we went up a valley towards +Mont Pelvoux (a mountain nearly 14,000 feet high), intending to +cross a high pass above La Berarde down to Briancon, but when we got +to St. Christophe we were told the pass would not be open till +August, so returned and slept a second night at Bourg d'Oisans. The +valley, however, was all that could be desired, mingled sun and +shadow, tumbling river, rich wood, and mountain pastures, precipices +all around, and snow-clad summits continually unfolding themselves; +Murray is right in calling the valley above Venosc a scene of savage +sterility. At Venosc, in the poorest of hostelries was a tuneless +cracked old instrument, half piano, half harpsichord--how it ever +found its way there we were at a loss to conceive--and an irrelevant +clock that struck seven times by fits and starts at its own +convenience during our one o'clock dinner; we returned to Bourg +d'Oisans at seven, and were in bed by nine. + +Saturday, June 13. + +Having found that a conveyance to Briancon was beyond our finances, +and that they would not take us any distance at a reasonable charge, +we determined to walk the whole fifty miles in the day, and half-way +down the mountains, sauntering listlessly accordingly left Bourg +d'Oisans at a few minutes before five in the morning. The clouds +were floating over the uplands, but they soon began to rise, and +before seven o'clock the sky was cloudless; along the road were +passing hundreds of people (though it was only five in the morning) +in detachments of from two to nine, with cattle, sheep, pigs, and +goats, picturesque enough but miserably lean and gaunt: we leave +them to proceed to the fair, and after a three miles' level walk +through a straight poplar avenue, commence ascending far above the +Romanche; all day long we slowly ascend, stopping occasionally to +refresh ourselves with vin ordinaire and water, but making steady +way in the main, though heavily weighted and under a broiling sun, +at one we reach La Grave, which is opposite the Mont de Lans, a most +superb mountain. The whole scene equal to anything in Switzerland, +as far as the mountains go. The Mont de Lans is opposite the +windows, seeming little more than a stone's throw off, and causing +my companion (whose name I will, with his permission, Italianise +into that of the famous composer Giuseppe Verdi) to think it a mere +nothing to mount to the top of those sugared pinnacles which he will +not believe are many miles distant in reality. After dinner we +trudge on, the scenery constantly improving, the snow drawing down +to us, and the Romanche dwindling hourly; we reach the top of the +Col du Lautaret, which Murray must describe; I can only say that it +is first-class scenery. The flowers are splendid, acres and acres +of wild narcissus, the Alpine cowslip, gentians, large purple and +yellow anemones, soldanellas, and the whole kith and kin of the high +Alpine pasture flowers; great banks of snow lie on each side of the +road, and probably will continue to do so till the middle of July, +while all around are glaciers and precipices innumerable. + +We only got as far as Monetier after all, for, reaching that town at +half-past eight, and finding that Briancon was still eight miles +further on, we preferred resting there at the miserable but cheap +and honest Hotel de l'Europe; had we gone on a little farther we +should have found a much better one, but we were tired with our +forty-two miles' walk, and, after a hasty supper and a quiet pipe, +over which we watch the last twilight on the Alps above Briancon, we +turn in very tired but very much charmed. + +Sunday morning was the clearest and freshest morning that ever +tourists could wish for, the grass crisply frozen (for we are some +three or four thousand feet above the sea), the glaciers descending +to a level but little higher than the road; a fine range of Alps in +front over Briancon, and the road winding down past a new river (for +we have long lost the Romanche) towards the town, which is some six +or seven miles distant. + +It was a fete--the Fete du bon Dieu, celebrated annually on this day +throughout all this part of the country; in all the villages there +were little shrines erected, adorned with strings of blue +corncockle, narcissus heads, and poppies, bunches of green, pink, +and white calico, moss and fir-tree branches, and in the midst of +these tastefully arranged bowers was an image of the Virgin and her +Son, with whatever other saints the place was possessed of. + +At Briancon, which we reached (in a trap) at eight o'clock, these +demonstrations were more imposing, but less pleasing; the soldiers, +too, were being drilled and exercised, and the whole scene was one +of the greatest animation, such as Frenchmen know how to exhibit on +the morning of a gala day. + +Leaving our trap at Briancon and making a hasty breakfast at the +Hotel de la Paix, we walked up a very lonely valley towards +Cervieres. I dare not say how many hours we wended our way up the +brawling torrent without meeting a soul or seeing a human +habitation; it was fearfully hot too, and we longed for vin +ordinaire; Cervieres seemed as though it never would come--still the +same rugged precipices, snow-clad heights, brawling torrent, and +stony road, butterflies beautiful and innumerable, flowers to match, +sky cloudless. At last we are there; through the town, or rather +village, the river rushes furiously, the dismantled houses and +gaping walls affording palpable traces of the fearful inundations of +the previous year, not a house near the river was sound, many quite +uninhabitable, and more such as I am sure few of us would like to +inhabit. However, it is Cervieres such as it is, and we hope for +our vin ordinaire; but, alas!--not a human being, man, woman or +child, is to be seen, the houses are all closed, the noonday quiet +holds the hill with a vengeance, unbroken, save by the ceaseless +roar of the river. + +While we were pondering what this loneliness could mean, and +wherefore we were unable to make an entrance even into the little +auberge that professed to loger a pied et a cheval, a kind of low +wail or chaunt began to make itself heard from the other side of the +river; wild and strange, yet full of a music of its own, it took my +friend and myself so much by surprise that we almost thought for the +moment that we had trespassed on to the forbidden ground of some +fairy people who lived alone here, high amid the sequestered valleys +where mortal steps were rare, but on going to the corner of the +street we were undeceived indeed, but most pleasurably surprised by +the pretty spectacle that presented itself. + +For from the church opposite first were pouring forth a string of +young girls clad in their Sunday's best, then followed the youths, +as in duty bound, then came a few monks or friars or some such folk, +carrying the Virgin, then the men of the place, then the women and +lesser children, all singing after their own rough fashion; the +effect was electrical, for in a few minutes the procession reached +us, and dispersing itself far and wide, filled the town with as much +life as it had before been lonely. It was like a sudden +introduction of the whole company on to the theatre after the stage +has been left empty for a minute, and to us was doubly welcome as +affording us some hope of our wine. + +"Vous etes Piedmontais, monsieur," said one to me. I denied the +accusation. "Alors vous etes Allemands." I again denied and said +we were English, whereon they opened their eyes wide and said, +"Anglais,--mais c'est une autre chose," and seemed much pleased, for +the alliance was then still in full favour. It caused them a little +disappointment that we were Protestants, but they were pleased at +being able to tell us that there was a Protestant minister higher up +the valley which we said would "do us a great deal of pleasure." + +The vin ordinaire was execrable--they only, however, charged us nine +sous for it, and on our giving half a franc and thinking ourselves +exceedingly stingy for not giving a whole one, they shouted out +"Voila les Anglais, voila la generosite des Anglais," with evident +sincerity. I thought to myself that the less we English corrupted +the primitive simplicity of these good folks the better; it was +really refreshing to find several people protesting about one's +generosity for having paid a halfpenny more for a bottle of wine +than was expected; at Monetier we asked whether many English came +there, and they told us yes, a great many, there had been fifteen +there last year, but I should imagine that scarcely fifteen could +travel up past Cervieres, and yet the English character be so little +known as to be still evidently popular. + +I don't know what o'clock it was when we left Cervieres--midday I +should imagine; we left the river on our left and began to ascend a +mountain pass called Izouard, as far as I could make out, but will +not pledge myself to have caught the name correctly; it was more +lonely than ever, very high, much more snow on the top than on the +previous day over the Col du Lautaret, the path scarcely +distinguishable, indeed quite lost in many places, very beautiful +but not so much so as the Col du Lautaret, and better on descending +towards Queyras than on ascending; from the summit of the pass the +view of the several Alpine chains about is very fine, but from the +entire absence of trees of any kind it is more rugged and barren +than I altogether liked; going down towards Queyras we found the +letters S.I.C. marked on a rock, evidently with the spike of an +alpine-stock,--we wondered whether they stood for St. John's +College. + +We reached Queyras at about four very tired, for yesterday's work +was heavy, and refresh ourselves with a huge omelette and some good +Provence wine. + +Reader, don't go into that auberge, carry up provision from +Briancon, or at any rate carry the means of eating it: they have +only two knives in the place, one for the landlord and one for the +landlady; these are clasp knives, and they carry them in their +pockets; I used the landlady's, my companion had the other; the room +was very like a cow-house--dark, wooden, and smelling strongly of +manure; outside I saw that one of the beams supporting a huge +projecting balcony that ran round the house was resting on a capital +of white marble--a Lombard capital that had evidently seen better +days, they could not tell us whence it came. Meat they have none, +so we gorge ourselves with omelette, and at half-past five trudge +on, for we have a long way to go yet, and no alternative but to +proceed. + +Abries is the name of the place we stopped at that night; it was +pitch-dark when we reached it, and the whole town was gone to bed, +but by great good luck we found a cafe still open (the inn was shut +up for the night), and there we lodged. I dare not say how many +miles we had walked, but we were still plucky, and having prevailed +at last on the landlord to allow us clean sheets on our beds instead +of the dirty ones he and his wife had been sleeping on since +Christmas, and making the best of the solitary decanter and pie dish +which was all the washing implements we were allowed (not a toothmug +even extra), we had coffee and bread and brandy for supper, and +retired at about eleven to the soundest sleep in spite of our +somewhat humble accommodation. If nasty, at any rate it was cheap; +they charged us a franc a piece for our suppers, beds, and two +cigars; we went to the inn to breakfast, where, though the +accommodation was somewhat better, the charge was most extortionate. +Murray is quite right in saying the travellers should bargain +beforehand at this inn (chez Richard); I think they charged us five +francs for the most ordinary breakfast. From this place we started +at about nine, and took a guide as far as the top of the Col de la +Croix Haute, having too nearly lost our way yesterday; the paths +have not been traversed much yet, and the mule and sheep droppings +are but scanty indicators of the direction of paths of which the +winds and rain have obliterated all other traces. + +The Col de la Croix Haute is rightly named, it was very high, but +not so hard to ascend until we reached the snow. On the Italian +side it is terribly steep, from the French side, however, the slope +is more gradual. The snow was deeper at the top of this pass than +on either of the two previous days; in many places we sank deep in, +but had no real difficulty in crossing; on the Italian side the snow +was gone and the path soon became clear enough, so we sent our guide +to the right about and trudged on alone. + +A sad disappointment, however, awaited us, for instead of the clear +air that we had heretofore enjoyed, the clouds were rolling up from +the valley, and we entirely lost the magnificent view of the plains +of Lombardy which we ought to have seen; this was our first mishap, +and we bore it heroically. A lunch may be had at Prali, and there +the Italian tongue will be heard for the first time. + +We must have both looked very questionable personages, for I +remember that a man present asked me for a cigar; I gave him two, +and he proffered a sou in return as a matter of course. + +Shortly below Prali the clouds drew off, or rather we reached a +lower level, so that they were above us, and now the walnut and the +chestnut, the oak and the beech have driven away the pines of the +other side, not that there were many of them; soon, too, the +vineyards come in, the Indian corn again flourishes everywhere, the +cherries grow ripe as we descend, and in an hour or two we felt to +our great joy that we were fairly in Italy. + +The descent is steep beyond compare, for La Tour, which we reached +by four o'clock, is quite on the plain, very much on a level with +Turin--I do not remember any descent between the two--and the pass +cannot be much under eight thousand feet. + +Passports are asked at Bobbio, but the very sight of the English +name was at that time sufficient to cause the passport to be +returned unscrutinised. + +La Tour is a Protestant place, or at any rate chiefly so, indeed all +the way from Cervieres we have been among people half Protestant and +half Romanist; these were the Waldenses of the Middle Ages, they are +handsome, particularly the young women, and I should fancy an honest +simple race enough, but not over clean. + +As a proof that we were in Italy we happened while waiting for table +d'hote to be leaning over the balcony that ran round the house and +passed our bedroom door, when a man and a girl came out with two +large pails in their hands, and we watched them proceed to a cart +with a barrel in it, which was in a corner of the yard; we had been +wondering what was in the barrel and were glad to see them commence +tapping it, when lo! out spouted the blood-red wine with which they +actually half filled their pails before they left the spot. This +was as Italy should be. After dinner, too, as we stroll in the +showy Italian sort of piazza near the inn, the florid music which +fills the whole square, accompanied by a female voice of some +pretensions, again thoroughly Italianises the scene, and when she +struck up our English national anthem (with such a bass +accompaniment!) nothing could be imagined more incongruous. + +Sleeping at La Tour at the hotel kept by M. Gai (which is very good, +clean, and cheap), we left next morning, i.e. Tuesday, June 16, at +four by diligence for Pinerolo, thence by rail to Turin where we +spent the day. It was wet and we saw no vestiges of the Alps. + +Turin is a very handsome city, very regularly built, the streets +running nearly all parallel to and at right angles with each other; +there are no suburbs, and the consequence is that at the end of +every street one sees the country; the Alps surround the city like a +horseshoe, and hence many of the streets seem actually walled in +with a snowy mountain. Nowhere are the Alps seen to greater +advantage than from Turin. I speak from the experience, not of the +journey I am describing, but of a previous one. From the Superga +the view is magnificent, but from the hospital for soldiers just +above the Po on the eastern side of the city the view is very +similar, and the city seen to greater advantage. The Po is a fine +river, but very muddy, not like the Ticino which has the advantage +of getting washed in the Lago Maggiore. On the whole Turin is well +worth seeing. Leaving it, however, on Wednesday morning we arrived +at Arona about half-past eleven: the country between the two places +is flat, but rich and well cultivated: much rice is grown, and in +consequence the whole country easily capable of being laid under +water, a thing which I should imagine the Piedmontese would not be +slow to avail themselves of; we ought to have had the Alps as a +background to the view, but they were still veiled. It was here +that a countryman, seeing me with one or two funny little pipes +which I had bought in Turin, asked me if I was a fabricante di pipi- +-a pipe-maker. + +By the time that we were at Arona the sun had appeared, and the +clouds were gone; here, too, we determined to halt for half a day, +neither of us being quite the thing, so after a visit to the +colossal statue of San Carlo, which is very fine and imposing, we +laid ourselves down under the shade of some chestnut trees above the +lake, and enjoyed the extreme beauty of everything around us, until +we fell fast asleep, and yet even in sleep we seemed to retain a +consciousness of the unsurpassable beauty of the scene. After +dinner (we were stopping at the Hotel de la Poste, a very nice inn +indeed) we took a boat and went across the lake to Angera, a little +town just opposite; it was in the Austrian territory, but they made +no delay about admitting us; the reason of our excursion was, that +we might go and explore the old castle there, which is seated on an +inconsiderable eminence above the lake. It affords an excellent +example of Italian domestic Gothic of the Middle Ages; San Carlo was +born and resided here, and, indeed, if saintliness were to depend +upon beauty of natural scenery, no wonder at his having been a +saint. + +The castle is only tenanted by an old man who keeps the place; we +found him cooking his supper over a small crackling fire of sticks, +which he had lighted in the main hall; his feeble old voice chirps +about San Carlo this and San Carlo that as we go from room to room. +We have no carpets here--plain honest brick floors--the chairs, +indeed, have once been covered with velvet, but they are now so worn +that one can scarcely detect that they have been so, the tables +warped and worm-eaten, the few, that is, that remained there, the +shutters cracked and dry with the sun and summer of so many hundred +years--no Renaissance work here, yet for all that there was +something about it which made it to me the only really pleasurable +nobleman's mansion that I have ever been over; the view from the top +is superb, and then the row home to Arona, the twinkling lights +softly gleaming in the lake, the bells jangling from the tall and +gaudy campaniles, the stillness of the summer night--so warm and yet +so refreshing on the water; hush, there are some people singing--how +sweetly their voices are borne to us upon the slight breath of wind +that alone is stirring; oh, it is a cruel thing to think of war in +connection with such a spot as this, and yet from this very Angera +to this very Arona it is that the Austrians have been crossing to +commence their attack on Sardinia. I fear these next summer nights +will not be broken with the voice of much singing and that we shall +have to hush for the roaring of cannon. + +I never knew before how melodiously frogs can croak--there is a +sweet guttural about some of these that I never heard in England: +before going to bed, I remember particularly one amorous batrachian +courting malgre sa maman regaled us with a lusciously deep rich +croak, that served as a good accompaniment for the shrill whizzing +sound of the cigales. + +My space is getting short, but fortunately we are getting on to +ground better known; I will therefore content myself with sketching +out the remainder of our tour and leaving the reader to Murray for +descriptions. + +We left Arona with regret on Thursday morning (June 18), took +steamer to the Isola Bella, which is an example of how far human +extravagance and folly can spoil a rock, which had it been left +alone would have been very beautiful, and thence by a little boat +went to Baveno; thence we took diligence for Domo d'Ossola; the +weather clouded towards evening and big raindrops beginning to +descend we thought it better to proceed at once by the same +diligence over the Simplon; we did not care to walk the pass in wet, +therefore leaving Domo d'Ossola at ten o'clock that night we arrived +at Iselle about two; the weather clearing we saw the gorge of Gondo +and walked a good way up the pass in the early morning by the +diligence; breakfasted at Simplon at four o'clock in the morning, +and without waiting a moment as soon as we got out at Brieg set off +for Visp, which we reached at twelve on foot; we washed and dressed +there, dined and advanced to Leuk, and thence up the most +exquisitely beautiful road to Leukerbad, which we reached at about +eight o'clock after a very fatiguing day. The Hotel de la France is +clean and cheap. Next morning we left at half-past five and, +crossing the Gemini, got to Frutigen at half-past one, took an open +trap after dinner and drove to Interlaken, which we reached on the +Saturday night at eight o'clock, the weather first rate; Sunday we +rested at Interlaken; on Monday we assailed the Wengern Alp, but the +weather being pouring wet we halted on the top and spent the night +there, being rewarded by the most transcendent evening view of the +Jungfrau, Eiger, and Monch in the clear cold air seen through a thin +veil of semi-transparent cloud that was continually scudding across +them. + +Next morning early we descended to Grindelwald, thence past the +upper glacier under the Wetterhorn over the Scheidegg to Rosenlaui, +where we dined and saw the glacier, after dinner, descending the +valley we visited the falls of Reichenbach (which the reader need +not do if he means to see those of the Aar at Handegg), and leaving +Meyringen on our left we recommenced an ascent of the valley of the +Aar, sleeping at Guttannen, about ten miles farther on. + +Next day, i.e. Wednesday, June 24, leaving Guttannen very early, +passing the falls of Handegg, which are first rate, we reached the +hospice at nine; had some wine there, and crawled on through the +snow and up the rocks to the summit of the pass--here we met an old +lady, in a blue ugly, with a pair of green spectacles, carried in a +chaise a porteur; she had taken it into her head in her old age that +she would like to see a little of the world, and here she was. We +had seen her lady's maid at the hospice, concerning whom we were +told that she was "bien sage," and did not scream at the precipices. +On the top of the Gemini, too, at half-past seven in the morning, we +had met a somewhat similar lady walking alone with a blue parasol +over the snow; about half an hour after we met some porters carrying +her luggage, and found that she was an invalid lady of Berne, who +was walking over to the baths at Leukerbad for the benefit of her +health--we scarcely thought there could be much occasion--leaving +these two good ladies then, let us descend the Grimsel to the bottom +of the glacier of the Rhone, and then ascend the Furka--a stiff +pull; we got there by two o'clock, dined (Italian is spoken here +again), and finally reached Hospenthal at half-past five after a +very long day. + +On Thursday walking down to Amstegg and taking a trap to Fluelen, we +then embarked on board a steamer and had a most enjoyable ride to +Lucerne, where we slept; Friday to Basle by rail, walking over the +Hauenstein, {2} and getting a magnificent panorama (alas! a final +one) of the Alps, and from Basle to Strasburg, where we ascended the +cathedral as far as they would let us without special permission +from a power they called Mary, and then by the night train to Paris, +where we arrived Saturday morning at ten. + +Left Paris on Sunday afternoon, slept at Dieppe; left Dieppe Monday +morning, got to London at three o'clock or thereabouts, and might +have reached Cambridge that night had we been so disposed; next day +came safely home to dear old St. John's, cash in hand 7d. + +From my window {3} in the cool of the summer twilight I look on the +umbrageous chestnuts that droop into the river; Trinity library +rears its stately proportions on the left; opposite is the bridge; +over that, on the right, the thick dark foliage is blackening almost +into sombreness as the night draws on. Immediately beneath are the +arched cloisters resounding with the solitary footfall of meditative +students, and suggesting grateful retirement. I say to myself then, +as I sit in my open window, that for a continuance I would rather +have this than any scene I have visited during the whole of our most +enjoyed tour, and fetch down a Thucydides, for I must go to Shilleto +at nine o'clock to-morrow. + + + + +TRANSLATION FROM AN UNPUBLISHED WORK OF HERODOTUS + + + +This piece and the ten that follow it date from Butler's +undergraduate days. They were preserved by the late Canon Joseph +McCormick, who was Butler's contemporary at Cambridge and knew him +well. + +In a letter to THE TIMES, published 27 June, 1902, shortly after +Butler's death, Canon McCormick gave some interesting details of +Butler's Cambridge days. "I have in my possession," he wrote, "some +of the skits with which he amused himself and some of his personal +friends. Perhaps the skit professed to be a translation from +Thucydides, inimitable in its way, applied to Johnians in their +successes or defeats on the river, or it was the 'Prospectus of the +Great Split Society,' attacking those who wished to form narrow or +domineering parties in the College, or it was a very striking poem +on Napoleon in St. Helena, or it was a play dealing with a visit to +the Paris Exhibition, which he sent to PUNCH, and which, strange to +say, the editor never inserted, or it was an examination paper set +to a gyp of a most amusing and clever character." One at least of +the pieces mentioned by Canon McCormick has unfortunately +disappeared. Those that have survived are here published for what +they are worth. There is no necessity to apologise for their faults +and deficiencies, which do not, I think, obscure their value as +documents illustrating the development of that gift of irony which +Butler was afterwards to wield with such brilliant mastery. +'Napoleon at St. Helena' and 'The Shield of Achilles' have already +appeared in THE EAGLE, December, 1902; the "Translation from +Herodotus," "The Shield of Achilles," "The Two Deans II," and "On +the Italian Priesthood," in THE NOTE-BOOKS OF SAMUEL BUTLER; the +"Prospectus of the Great Split Society" and "A Skit on Examinations" +in THE EAGLE, June, 1913. + + +And the Johnians practise their tub in the following manner: They +select eight of the most serviceable freshmen and put these into a +boat, and to each one of them they give an oar; and having told them +to look at the backs of the men before them they make them bend +forward as far as they can and at the same moment, and having put +the end of the oar into the water pull it back again in to them +about the bottom of the ribs; and if any of them does not do this or +looks about him away from the back of the man before him they curse +him in the most terrible manner, but if he does what he is bidden +they immediately cry out: + +"Well pulled, number so-and-so." + +For they do not call them by their names but by certain numbers, +each man of them having a number allotted to him in accordance with +his place in the boat, and the first man they call stroke, but the +last man bow; and when they have done this for about fifty miles +they come home again, and the rate they travel at is about twenty- +five miles an hour; and let no one think that this is too great a +rate, for I could say many other wonderful things in addition +concerning the rowing of the Johnians, but if a man wishes to know +these things he must go and examine them himself. But when they +have done they contrive some such a device as this, for they make +them run many miles along the side of the river in order that they +may accustom them to great fatigue, and many of them being +distressed in this way fall down and die, but those who survive +become very strong, and receive gifts of cups from the others; and +after the revolution of a year they have great races with their +boats against those of the surrounding islanders, but the Johnians, +both owing to the carefulness of the training and a natural +disposition for rowing, are always victorious. In this way then the +Johnians, I say, practise their tub. + + + +THE SHIELD OF ACHILLES, WITH VARIATIONS + + + +And in it he placed the Fitzwilliam and King's College Chapel and +the lofty towered church of the Great Saint Mary, which looketh +toward the Senate House, and King's Parade and Trumpington Road and +the Pitt Press and the divine opening of the Market Square and the +beautiful flowing fountain which formerly Hobson laboured to make +with skilful art; him did his father beget in the many-public-housed +Trumpington from a slavey mother, and taught him blameless works; +and he, on the other hand, sprang up like a young shoot, and many +beautifully matched horses did he nourish in his stable, which used +to convey his rich possessions to London and the various cities of +the world; but oftentimes did he let them out to others and +whensoever anyone was desirous of hiring one of the long-tailed +horses, he took them in order so that the labour was equal to all, +wherefore do men now speak of the choice of the renowned Hobson. +And in it he placed the close of the divine Parker, and many +beautiful undergraduates were delighting their tender minds upon it +playing cricket with one another; and a match was being played and +two umpires were quarrelling with one another; the one saying that +the batsman who was playing was out, and the other declaring with +all his might that he was not; and while they two were contending, +reviling one another with abusive language, a ball came and hit one +of them on the nose, and the blood flowed out in a stream, and +darkness was covering his eyes, but the rest were crying out on all +sides: + +"Shy it up." + +And he could not; him then was his companion addressing with +scornful words: + +"Arnold, why dost thou strive with me since I am much wiser? Did I +not see his leg before the wicket and rightly declare him to be out? +Thee then has Zeus now punished according to thy deserts, and I will +seek some other umpire of the game equally-participated-in-by-both- +sides." + +And in it he placed the Cam, and many boats equally rowed on both +sides were going up and down on the bosom of the deep-rolling river, +and the coxswains were cheering on the men, for they were going to +enter the contest of the scratchean fours; and three men were rowing +together in a boat, strong and stout and determined in their hearts +that they would either first break a blood-vessel or earn for +themselves the electroplated-Birmingham-manufactured magnificence of +a pewter to stand on their hall tables in memorial of their +strength, and from time to time drink from it the exhilarating +streams of beer whensoever their dear heart should compel them; but +the fourth was weak and unequally matched with the others, and the +coxswain was encouraging him and called him by name and spake +cheering words: + +"Smith, when thou hast begun the contest, be not flurried nor strive +too hard against thy fate; look at the back of the man before thee +and row with as much strength as the Fates spun out for thee on the +day when thou fellest between the knees of thy mother, neither lose +thine oar, but hold it tight with thy hands." + + + +PROSPECTUS OF THE GREAT SPLIT SOCIETY + + + +It is the object of this society to promote parties and splits in +general, and since of late we have perceived disunion among friends +to be not nearly so ripe as in the Bible it is plainly commanded to +be, we the members of this club have investigated the means of +producing, fostering, and invigorating strife of all kinds, whereby +the society of man will be profited much. For in a few hours we can +by the means we have discovered create so beautiful a dissension +between two who have lately been friends, that they shall never +speak of one another again, and their spirit is to be greatly +admired and praised for this. And since it is the great goddess +Talebearer who has contributed especially to our success, inasmuch +as where she is not strife will cease as surely as the fire goeth +out when there is no wood to feed it, we will erect an altar to her +and perform monthly rites at her shrine in a manner hereafter to be +detailed. And all men shall do homage to her, for who is there that +hath not felt her benefits? And the rites shall be of a cheerful +character, and all the world shall be right merry, and we will write +her a hymn and Walmisley {4} shall set it to music. And any shall +be eligible to this society by only changing his name; for this is +one of its happiest hits, to give a name to each of its members +arising from some mental peculiarity (which the gods and peacemakers +call "foible"), whereby each being perpetually kept in mind of this +defect and being always willing to justify it shall raise a clamour +and cause much delight to the assembly. + +And we will have suppers once a month both to do honour unto +Talebearer and to promote her interest. And the society has laid +down a form of conversation to be used at all such meetings, which +shall engender quarrellings even in the most unfavourable +dispositions, and inflame the anger of one and all; and having +raised it shall set it going and start it on so firm a basis as that +it may be left safely to work its own way, for there shall be no +fear of its dying out. + +And the great key to this admirable treasure-house is Self, who hath +two beautiful children, Self-Love and Self-Pride . . . We have also +aided our project much by the following contrivance, namely, that +ten of the society, the same who have the longest tongues and ears, +shall make a quorum to manage all affairs connected with it; and it +is difficult to comprehend the amount of quarrelling that shall go +on at these meetings. + +And the monthly suppers shall be ordered in this way: Each man must +take at least two tablespoonfuls of vinegar, which shall make the +wit sharp, or in default thereof one teaspoonful of pepper and +mustard; for the rest we leave the diet to the management of our +stewards and bursars, but after the cloth has been removed the +president shall single out some one of the company, and in a calm +and friendly manner acquaint him with his faults and advise him in +what way he may best amend the same. The member selected is +compelled by the rules to remain silent for the space of three +minutes, and is then to retort and bring up six instances. He is to +call the present members to witness, and all are to take one side or +the other, so that none be neutral, and the melee will doubtless +become general, and we expect that much beautiful latent abusive +talent will be developed in this way. But let all this be done with +an air of great politeness, sincerity, and goodwill, at least at the +commencement, for this, when evidently fictitious, is a two-edged +sword of irritation. + +And if any grow weak in spirit and retreat from this society, and +afterwards repent and wish again to join, he shall be permitted to +do so on condition of repeating the words, "Oh, ah!" "Lor!" "Such +is life," "That's cheerful," "He's a lively man, is Mr. So-and-so" +ten times over. For these are refreshing and beautiful words and +mean much (!), they are the emblems of such talent. + +And any members are at liberty to have small meetings among +themselves, especially to tea, whereat they may enjoy the ever fresh +and pleasant luxury of scandal and mischief-making, and prepare +their accusations and taunts for the next general meeting; and this +is not only permitted but enjoined and recommended strongly to all +the members. + +And sentences shall be written for the training of any young hand +who wishes to become one of us, since none can hope to arrive at +once at the pitch of perfection to which the society has brought the +art. And if that any should be heard of his own free will and +invention uttering one or more of these sentences and by these means +indicate much talent in the required direction, he shall be waited +on by a committee of the club and induced, if possible, to join us, +for he will be an acquisition; and the sentences required are such +as: "I think so-and-so a very jolly fellow, indeed I don't know a +man in the college I like better than so-and-so, but I don't care +twopence about him, at least it is all the same to me whether he +cuts me or not." + +The beauty of this sentence is not at first appreciable, for though +self-deceit and self-satisfaction are both very powerfully +demonstrated in it, and though these are some of the society's most +vehement supporters, yet it is the good goddess Talebearer who +nourisheth the seed of mischief thus sown. + +It is also strictly forbidden by this society's laws to form a firm +friendship grounded upon esteem and a perception of great and good +qualities in the object of one's liking, for this kind of friendship +lasts a long time--nay, for life; but each member must have a +furious and passionate running after his friend for the time being, +insomuch that he could never part for an instant from him. And when +the society sees this it feels comfortable, for it is quite certain +that its objects are being promoted, for this cannot be brought +about by any but unnatural means and is the foundation and very soul +of quarrelling. The stroking of the hair and affectionate +embracings are much recommended, for they are so manly. + +And at the suppers and the rites of Talebearer each member is to +drop an anonymous opinion of some other member's character into a +common letter box, and the president shall read them out. Each +member is to defend himself; the formula for the commencement of +each speech being: "I know who wrote that about me, and it is a +very blackguardly thing of him to say . . . " + +N.B.--Any number of persons are allowed to speak at the same time. +By these means it is hoped to restore strife and dissension to the +world, now alas! so fatally subjugated to a mean-spirited thing +called Charity, which during the last month has been perfectly +rampant in the college. Yes, we will give a helping hand to +bickerings, petty jealousies, back-bitings, and all sorts of good +things, and will be as jolly as ninepence and--who'll be the first +president? + + + +POWERS + + + +But, my son, think not that it is necessary for thee to be excellent +if thou wouldst be powerful. Observe how the lighter substance in +nature riseth by its own levity and overtoppeth that which is the +more grave. Even so, my son, mayest thou be light and worthless, +and yet make a goodly show above those who are of a more intrinsic +value than thyself. But as much circumspection will be necessary +for thee to attain this glorious end, and as by reason of thy youth +thou art liable to miss many of the most able and effective means of +becoming possessed of it, hear the words of an old man and treasure +them in thy heart. The required qualities, my son, are easily +procured; many are naturally gifted with them. In order, however, +that thou mayest keep them in set form in thy mind commit to memory +the following list of requisites: Love of self, love of show, love +of sound, reserve, openness, distrust. + +The love of self, which shall chiefly manifest itself in the +obtaining the best of all things for thyself to the exclusion of +another, be he who he may; and as meal-times are the fittest +occasion for the exercise of this necessary quality, I will even +illustrate my meaning that thou mayest the more plainly comprehend +me. Suppose that many are congregated to a breakfast and there is a +dish of kidneys on the table, but not so many but what the greater +number must go without them, cry out with a loud voice, immediately +that thou hast perceived them: "Kidneys! Oh, ah! I say, G., old +fellow, give us some kidneys." Then will the master of the house be +pleased that he hath provided something to thy liking, and as others +from false shame will fear to do the like thou wilt both obtain that +thy soul desireth, and be looked upon by thy fellows as a bold +fellow and one who knoweth how to make his way in the world, and G. +will say immediately: "Waiter, take this to Mr. Potguts," and he +taketh them, and so on, my son, with all other meats that are on the +table, see thou refrain not from one of them, for a large appetite +well becometh a power, or if not a large one then a dainty one. But +if thine appetite be small and dainty see thou express contempt for +a large eater as one inferior to thyself. Or again, my son, if thou +art not at a banquet but enterest any room where there are many met +together, see thou take the arm-chair or the best seat or couch, or +what other place of comfort is in the room; and if there be another +power in the room as well as thyself see thou fight with him for it, +and if thou canst by any craft get rid of him an he be more thickly +set than thyself, see that thou do this openly and with a noise, +that all men may behold and admire thee, for they will fear thee and +yield and not venture to reprove thee openly; and so long as they +dare not, all will be well. Nevertheless I would have thee keep +within certain bounds, lest men turn upon thee if thy rule is too +oppressive to be borne. And under this head I would class also the +care and tending of the sick; for in the first place the sick have +many delicacies which those who are sound have not, so that if thou +lay the matter well, thou mayest obtain the lion's share of these +things also. But more particularly the minds of men being weak and +easily overpowered when they are in sickness, thou shalt obtain much +hold over them, and when they are well (whether thou didst really +comfort them or not) they will fear to say aught against thee, lest +men shall accuse them of ingratitude. But above all see thou do +this openly and in the sight of men, who thinking in consequence +that thy heart is very soft and amiable notwithstanding a few +outward defects, will not fail to commend thee and submit to thee +the more readily, and so on all counts thou art the gainer, and it +will serve thee as an excuse with the authorities for the neglect or +breach of duty. But all this is the work of an exceedingly refined +and clever power and not absolutely necessary, but I have named it +as a means of making thy yoke really the lighter but nevertheless +the more firmly settled upon the neck of thy fellows. So much then +for the love of self. + +As for the love of show this is to display itself in thy dress, in +the trimming or in the growth of thy whiskers, in thy walk and +carriage, in the company thou keepest, seeing that thou go with none +but powers or men of wealth or men of title, and caring not so much +for men of parts, since these commonly deal less in the exterior and +are not fit associates, for thou canst have nothing in common with +them. When thou goest to thy dinner let a time elapse, so that +thine entry may cause a noise and a disturbance, and when after much +bustling thou hast taken thy seat, say not: "Waiter, will you order +me green peas and a glass of college," but say: "Waiter (and then a +pause), peas," and then suffer him to depart, and when he hath gone +some little way recall him with a loud voice, which shall reach even +unto the ears of the fellows, say, "and, waiter, college"; and when +they are brought unto thee complain bitterly of the same. When thou +goest to chapel talk much during the service, or pray much; do not +the thing by halves; thou must either be the very religious power, +which kind though the less remarked yet on the whole hath the +greater advantage, or the thoughtless power, but above all see thou +combine not the two, at least not in the same company, but let thy +religion be the same to the same men. Always, if thou be a careless +power, come in late to chapel and hurriedly; sit with the other +powers and converse with them on the behaviour of others or any +other light and agreeable topic. And, as I said above, under this +love of show thou must include the choice of thine acquaintance, and +as it is not possible for thee to order it so as not to have +knowledge of certain men whom it will not be convenient for thee to +know at all times and in all places, see thou cultivate those two +excellent defects of both sight and hearing which will enable thee +to pass one thou wouldst not meet, without seeing him or hearing his +salutation. If thou hast a cousin or schoolfellow who is somewhat +rustic or uncouth in his manner but nevertheless hath an excellent +heart, know him in private in thine individual capacity, but when +thou art abroad or in the company of other powers shun him as if he +were a venomous thing and deadly. Again, if thou sittest at table +with a man at the house of a friend and laughest and talkest with +him and playest pleasant, if he be not perfect in respect of +externals see thou pass him the next day without a smile, even +though he may have prepared his countenance for a thousand grins; +but if in the house of the same friend or another thou shouldst +happen to stumble upon him, deal with him as though thy previous +conversation had broken off but five minutes previously; but should +he be proud and have all nothing to say unto thee, forthwith +calumniate him to thine acquaintance as a sorry-spirited fellow and +mean. + +And with regard to smoking, though that, too, is advantageous, it is +not necessary so much for the power as for the fast man, for the +power is a more calculating and thoughtful being than this one; but +if thou smokest, see that others know it; smoke cigars if thou canst +afford them; if not, say thou wonderest at such as do, for to thy +liking a pipe is better. And with regard to all men except thine +own favoured and pre-eminent clique, designate them as "cheerful," +"lively," or use some other ironical term with regard to them. So +much then for the love of show. + +And of the love of sound I would have thee observe that it is but a +portion of the love of show, but so necessary for him who would be +admired without being at the same time excellent and worthy of +admiration as to deserve a separate heading to itself. At meal- +times talk loudly, laugh loudly, condemn loudly; if thou sneezest +sneeze loudly; if thou call the waiter do so with a noise and, if +thou canst, while he is speaking to another and receiving orders +from him; it will be a convenient test of thine advance to see +whether he will at once quit the other in the midst of his speech +with him and come to thee, or will wait until the other hath done; +if thou handle it well he will come to thee at once. When others +are in their rooms, as thou passeth underneath their windows, sing +loudly and all men will know that a power goeth by and will hush +accordingly; if thou hast a good voice it will profit thee much, if +a bad one, care not so long as it be a loud one; but above all be it +remembered that it is to be loud at all times and not low when with +powers greater than thyself, for this damneth much--even powers +being susceptible of awe, when they shall behold one resolutely bent +to out-top them, and thinking it advisable to lend such an one a +helping hand lest he overthrow them--but if thy voice be not a loud +one, thou hadst better give up at once the hope of rising to a +height by thine own skill, but must cling to and flatter those who +have, and if thou dost this well thou wilt succeed. + +And of personal strength and prowess in bodily accomplishment, +though of great help in the origin, yet are they not necessary; but +the more thou lackest physical and mental powers the more must thou +cling to the powerful and rise with them; the more careful must thou +be of thy dress, and the more money will it cost thee, for thou must +fill well the bladders that keep thee on the surface, else wilt thou +sink. + +And of reserve, let no man know anything about thee. If thy father +is a greengrocer, as I dare say is the case with some of the most +mighty powers in the land, what matter so long as another knoweth it +not? See that thou quell all inquisitive attempts to discover +anything about thine habits, thy country, thy parentage, and, in a +word, let no one know anything of thee beyond the exterior; for if +thou dost let them within thy soul, they will find but little, but +if it be barred and locked, men will think that by reason of thy +strong keeping of the same, it must contain much; and they will +admire thee upon credit. + +And of openness, be reserved in the particular, open in the general; +talk of debts, of women, of money, but say not what debts, what +women, or what money; be most open when thou doest a shabby thing, +which thou knowest will not escape detection. If thy coat is bad, +laugh and boast concerning it, call attention to it and say thou +hast had it for ten years, which will be a lie, but men will +nevertheless think thee frank, but run not the risk of wearing a bad +coat, save only in vacation time or in the country. But when thou +doest a shabby thing which will not reach the general light, breathe +not a word of it, but bury it deeply in some corner of thine own +knowledge only; if it come out, glory in it; if not, let it sleep, +for it is an unprofitable thing to turn over bad ground. + +And of distrust, distrust all men, most of all thine own friends; +they will know thee best, and thou them; thy real worth cannot +escape them, think not then that thou wilt get service out of them +in thy need, think not that they will deny themselves that thou +mayest be saved from want, that they will in after life put out a +finger to save thee, when thou canst be of no more use to them, the +clique having been broken up by time. Nay, but be in thyself +sufficient; distrust, and lean not so much as an ounce-weight upon +another. + +These things keep and thou shalt do well; keep them all and thou +wilt be perfect; the more thou keep, the more nearly wilt thou +arrive at the end I proposed to thee at the commencement, and even +if thou doest but one of these things thoroughly, trust me thou wilt +still have much power over thy fellows. + + + +A SKIT ON EXAMINATIONS + + + +[It should be explained that Tom Bridges was a gyp at St. John's +College, during Butler's residence at Cambridge.] + +We now come to the most eventful period in Mr. Bridges' life: we +mean the time when he was elected to the shoe-black scholarship, +compared with which all his previous honours sank into +insignificance. + +Mr. Bridges had long been desirous of becoming a candidate for this +distinction, but, until the death of Mr. Leader, no vacancy having +occurred among the scholars, he had as yet had no opportunity of +going in for it. The income to be derived from it was not +inconsiderable, and as it led to the porter fellowship the mere +pecuniary value was not to be despised, but thirst of fame and the +desire of a more public position were the chief inducements to a man +of Mr. Bridges' temperament, in which ambition and patriotism formed +so prominent a part. Latin, however, was not Mr. Bridges' forte; he +excelled rather in the higher branches of arithmetic and the +abstruse sciences. His attainments, however, in the dead languages +were beyond those of most of his contemporaries, as the letter he +sent to the Master and Seniors will abundantly prove. It was +chiefly owing to the great reverence for genius shown by Dr. Tatham +that these letters have been preserved to us, as that excellent man, +considering that no circumstance connected with Mr. Bridges' +celebrity could be justly consigned to oblivion, rescued these +valuable relics from the Bedmaker, as she was on the point of using +them to light the fire. By him they were presented to the author of +this memoir, who now for the first time lays them before the public. +The first was to the Master himself, and ran as follows:- + + +Reverende Sir, + +Possum bene blackere shoas, et locus shoe-blackissis vacuus est. +Makee me shoeblackum si hoc tibi placeat, precor te, quia desidero +hoc locum. + +Your very humble servant, +THOMASUS BRIDGESSUS. + + +We subjoin Mr. Bridges' autograph. The reader will be astonished to +perceive its resemblance to that of Napoleon I, with whom he was +very intimate, and with anecdotes of whom he used very frequently to +amuse his masters. We add that of Napoleon. + + +THOMAS BRIDGES +NAPOLEON + + +The second letter was to the Senior Bursar, who had often before +proved himself a friend to Mr Bridges, and did not fail him in this +instance. + + +BURSARE SENIOR, + +Ego humiliter begs pardonum te becausus quaereri dignitatum +shoeblacki and credo me getturum esse hoc locum. + +Your humble servant, +THOMASUS BRIDGESSUS. + + +Shortly afterwards Mr. Bridges was called upon, with six other +competitors, to attend in the Combination Room, and the following +papers were submitted to him. + + +I + +1. Derive the word "blacking." What does Paley say on this +subject? Do you, or do you not, approve of Paley's arguments, and +why? Do you think that Paley knew anything at all about it? + +2. Who were Day and Martin? Give a short sketch of their lives, +and state their reasons for advertising their blacking on the +Pyramids. Do you approve of the advertising system in general? + +3. Do you consider the Japanese the original inventors of blacking? +State the principal ingredients of blacking, and give a chemical +analysis of the following substances: Sulphate of zinc, nitrate of +silver, potassium, copperas and corrosive sublimate. + +4. Is blacking an effective remedy against hydrophobia? Against +cholera? Against lock-jaw? And do you consider it as valuable an +instrument as burnt corks in playing tricks upon a drunken man? + +This was the Master's paper. The Mathematical Lecturer next gave +him a few questions, of which the most important were:- + +II + +1. Prove that the shoe may be represented by an equation of the +fifth degree. Find the equation to a man blacking a shoe: (1) in +rectangular co-ordinates; (2) in polar co-ordinates. + +2. A had 500 shoes to black every day, but being unwell for two +days he had to hire a substitute, and paid him a third of the wages +per shoe which he himself received. Had A been ill two days longer +there would have been the devil to pay; as it was he actually paid +the sum of the geometrical series found by taking the first n +letters of the substitute's name. How much did A pay the +substitute? (Answer, 13s. 6d.) + +3. Prove that the scraping-knife should never be a secant, and the +brush always a tangent to a shoe. + +4. Can you distinguish between meum and tuum? Prove that their +values vary inversely as the propinquity of the owners. + +5. How often should a shoe-black ask his master for beer notes? +Interpret a negative result. + + + +AN EMINENT PERSON + + + +Among the eminent persons deceased during the past week we have to +notice Mr. Arthur Ward, the author of the very elegant treatise on +the penny whistle. Mr. Ward was rather above the middle height, +inclined to be stout, and had lost a considerable portion of his +hair. Mr. Ward did not wear spectacles, as asserted by a careless +and misinformed contemporary. Mr. Ward was a man of great humour +and talent; many of his sayings will be treasured up as household +words among his acquaintance, for instance, "Lor!" "Oh, ah!" "Sech +is life." "That's cheerful." "He's a lively man is Mr. . . . " +His manners were affable and agreeable, and his playful gambols +exhibited an agility scarcely to be expected from a man of his +stature. On Thursday last Mr. Ward was dining off beef-steak pie +when a bit of gristle, unfortunately causing him to cough, brought +on a fit of apoplexy, the progress of which no medical assistance +was able to arrest. It is understood that the funeral arrangements +have been entrusted to our very respectable fellow-townsman Mr. +Smith, and will take place on Monday. + + + +NAPOLEON AT ST. HELENA + + + +I see a warrior 'neath a willow tree; +His arms are folded, and his full fixed eye +Is gazing on the sky. The evening breeze +Blows on him from the sea, and a great storm +Is rising. Not the storm nor evening breeze, +Nor the dark sea, nor the sun's parting beam +Can move him; for in yonder sky he sees +The picture of his life, in yonder clouds +That rush towards each other he beholds +The mighty wars that he himself hath waged. +Blow on him, mighty storm; beat on him, rain; +You cannot move his folded arms nor turn +His gaze one second from the troubled sky. +Hark to the thunder! To him it is not thunder; +It is the noise of battles and the din +Of cannons on the field of Austerlitz, +The sky to him is the whole world disturbed +By war and rumours of great wars. +He tumbled like a thunderbolt from heaven +Upon the startled earth, and as he came +The round world leapt from out her usual course +And thought her time was come. Beat on him, rain; +And roar about him, O thou voice of thunder. +But what are ye to him? O more to him +Than all besides. To him ye are himself, +He knows it and your voice is lovely to him. +Hath brought the warfare to a close. +The storm is over; one terrific crash +Now, now he feels it, and he turns away; +His arms are now unfolded, and his hands +Pressed to his face conceal a warrior's tears. +He flings himself upon the springing grass, +And weeps in agony. See, again he rises; +His brow is calm, and all his tears are gone. +The vision now is ended, and he saith: +"Thou storm art hushed for ever. Not again +Shall thy great voice be heard. Unto thy rest +Thou goest, never never to return. +I thank thee, that for one brief hour alone +Thou hast my bitter agonies assuaged; +Another storm may scare the frightened heavens, +And like to me may rise and fill +The elements with terror. I, alas! +Am blotted out as though I had not been, +And am become as though I was not born. +My day is over, and my night is come - +A night which brings no rest, nor quiet dreams, +Nor calm reflections, nor repose from toil, +But pain and sorrow, anguish never ceasing, +With dark uncertainty, despair and pain, +And death's wide gate before me. Fare ye well! +The sky is clear and the world at rest; +Thou storm and I have but too much in common." + + + +THE TWO DEANS + + + +I + +Williams, I like thee, amiable divine! +No milk-and-water character is thine. +A lay more lovely should thy worth attend +Than my poor muse, alas! hath power to lend. +Shall I describe thee as thou late didst sit, +The gater gated and the biter bit, +When impious hands at the dead hour of night +Forbade the way and made the barriers tight? +Next morn I heard their impious voices sing; +All up the stairs their blasphemies did ring: +"Come forth, O Williams, wherefore thus supine +Remain within thy chambers after nine? +Come forth, suffer thyself to be admired, +And blush not so, coy dean, to be desired." +The captive churchman chafes with empty rage, +Till some knight-errant free him from his cage. +Pale fear and anger sit upon yon face +Erst full of love and piety and grace, +But not pale fear nor anger will undo +The iron might of gimlet and of screw. +Grin at the window, Williams, all is vain; +The carpenter will come and let thee out again. + Contrast with him the countenance serene +And sweet remonstrance of the junior dean; +The plural number and the accents mild, +The language of a parent to a child. +With plaintive voice the worthy man doth state, +We've not been very regular of late. +It should more carefully its chapels keep, +And not make noises to disturb our sleep +By having suppers and at early hours +Raising its lungs unto their utmost powers. +We'll put it, if it makes a noise again, +On gatesey patsems at the hour of ten; +And leafy peafy it will turn I'm sure, +And never vex its own dear Sharpey more. + +II + +SCENE.--The Court of St. John's College, Cambridge. Enter the two +Deans on their way to morning chapel. + +JUNIOR DEAN. Brother, I am much pleased with Samuel Butler, +I have observed him mightily of late; +Methinks that in his melancholy walk +And air subdued whene'er he meeteth me +Lurks something more than in most other men. + +SENIOR DEAN. It is a good young man. I do bethink me +That once I walked behind him in the cloister; +He saw me not, but whispered to his fellow: +"Of all men who do dwell beneath the moon +I love and reverence most the senior Dean." + +JUNIOR DEAN. One thing is passing strange, and yet I know not +How to condemn it, but in one plain brief word +He never comes to Sunday morning chapel. +Methinks he teacheth in some Sunday-school, +Feeding the poor and starveling intellect +With wholesome knowledge, or on the Sabbath morn +He loves the country and the neighbouring spire +Of Madingley or Coton, or perchance +Amid some humble poor he spends the day, +Conversing with them, learning all their cares, +Comforting them and easing them in sickness. + +SENIOR DEAN. I will advance him to some public post, +He shall be chapel clerk, some day a Fellow, +Some day perhaps a Dean, but as thou say'st +He is indeed an excellent young man - + +Enter BUTLER suddenly, without a coat or anything on his head, +rushing through the cloisters, bearing a cup, a bottle of cider, +four lemons, two nutmegs, half a pound of sugar and a nutmeg grater. + +Curtain falls on the confusion of BUTLER and the horror-stricken +dismay of the two Deans. + + + +THE BATTLE OF ALMA MATER + + + +I + +The Temperance commissioners + In awful conclave sat, +Their noses into this to poke +To poke them into that - +In awful conclave sat they, + And swore a solemn oath, +That snuff should make no Briton sneeze, +That smokers all to smoke should cease, + They swore to conquer both. + +II + +Forth went a great Teetotaller, + With pamphlet armed and pen, +He travelled east, he travelled west, + Tobacco to condemn. +At length to Cantabrigia, + To move her sons to shame, +Foredoomed to chaff and insult, + That gallant hero came. + +III + +'Tis Friday: to the Guildhall + Come pouring in apace +The gownsmen and the townsmen + Right thro' the market place - +They meet, these bitter foemen + Not enemies but friends - +Then fearless to the rostrum, + The Lecturer ascends. + +IV + +He cursed the martyr'd Raleigh, + He cursed the mild cigar, +He traced to pipe and cabbage leaf + Consumption and catarrh; +He railed at simple bird's-eye, + By freshmen only tried, +And with rude and bitter jest assailed + The yard of clay beside. + +V + +When suddenly full twenty pipes, + And weeds full twenty more +Were seen to rise at signal, + Where none were seen before. +No mouth but puffed out gaily + A cloud of yellow fume, +And merrily the curls of smoke + Went circling 'thro the room. + +VI + +In vain th' indignant mayor harangued, + A mighty chandler he! +While peas his hoary head around + They whistled pleasantly. +In vain he tenderly inquired, + 'Mid many a wild "hurrah!" +"Of this what father dear would think, + Of that what dear mamma?" + +VII + +In rushed a host of peelers, + With a sergeant at the head, +Jaggard to every kitchen known, + Of missuses the dread. +In rushed that warlike multitude, + Like bees from out their hive, +With Fluffy of the squinting eye, + And fighting No. 5. + +VIII + +Up sprang Inspector Fluffy, + Up Sergeant Jaggard rose, +And playfully with staff he tapped + A gownsman on the nose. +As falls a thundersmitten oak, + The valiant Jaggard fell, +With a line above each ogle, + And a "mouse" or two as well. + +IX + +But hark! the cry is "Smuffkins! + And loud the gownsmen cheer, +And lo! a stalwart Johnian + Comes jostling from the rear: +He eyed the flinching peelers, + He aimed a deadly blow, +Then quick before his fist went down + Inspector, Marshal, Peelers, Town, +While fiercer fought the joyful Gown, + To see the claret flow. + +X + +They run, they run! to win the door + The vanquished peelers flew; +They left the sergeant's hat behind, + And the lecturer's surtout: +Now by our Lady Margaret, + It was a goodly sight, +To see that routed multitude + Swept down the tide of flight. + +XI + +Then hurrah! for gallant Smuffkins, + For Cantabs one hurrah! +Like wolves in quest of prey they scent + A peeler from afar. +Hurrah! for all who strove and bled + For liberty and right, +What time within the Guildhall + Was fought the glorious fight. + + + +ON THE ITALIAN PRIESTHOOD + + + +This an adaptation of the following epigram, which appeared in +Giuseppe Giusti's RACCOLTA DI PROVERBI TOSCANI (Firenze, 1853) + + +Con arte e con inganno si vive mezzo l'anno +Con inganno e con arte si vive l'altra parte. + +In knavish art and gathering gear +They spend the one half of the year; +In gathering gear and knavish art +They somehow spend the other part. + + + +SAMUEL BUTLER AND THE SIMEONITES + + + +The following article, which originally appeared in the CAMBRIDGE +MAGAZINE, 1 March, 1913, is by Mr. A. T. Bartholomew, of the +University Library, Cambridge, who has most kindly allowed me to +include it in the present volume. Mr. Bartholomew's discovery of +Samuel Butler's parody of the Simeonite tract throws a most +interesting light upon a curious passage in THE WAY OF ALL FLESH, +and it is a great pleasure to me to be able to give Butlerians the +story of Mr. Bartholomew's "find" in his own words. + + +Readers of Samuel Butler's remarkable story The Way of All Flesh +will probably recall his description of the Simeonites (chap. +xlvii), who still flourished at Cambridge when Ernest Pontifex was +up at Emmanuel. Ernest went down in 1858; so did Butler. +Throughout the book the spiritual and intellectual life and +development of Ernest are drawn from Butler's own experience. + +"The one phase of spiritual activity which had any life in it during +the time Ernest was at Cambridge was connected with the name of +Simeon. There were still a good many Simeonites, or as they were +more briefly called 'Sims,' in Ernest's time. Every college +contained some of them, but their head-quarters were at Caius, +whither they were attracted by Mr. Clayton, who was at that time +senior tutor, and among the sizars of St. John's. Behind the then +chapel of this last-named college was a 'labyrinth' (this was the +name it bore) of dingy, tumble-down rooms," and here dwelt many +Simeonites, "unprepossessing in feature, gait, and manners, unkempt +and ill-dressed beyond what can be easily described. Destined most +of them for the Church, the Simeonites held themselves to have +received a very loud call to the ministry . . . They would be +instant in season and out of season in imparting spiritual +instruction to all whom they could persuade to listen to them. But +the soil of the more prosperous undergraduates was not suitable for +the seed they tried to sow. When they distributed tracts, dropping +them at night into good men's letter boxes while they were asleep, +their tracts got burnt, or met with even worse contumely." For +Ernest Pontifex "they had a repellent attraction; he disliked them, +but he could not bring himself to leave them alone. On one occasion +he had gone so far as to parody one of the tracts they had sent +round in the night, and to get a copy dropped into each of the +leading Simeonites' boxes. The subject he had taken was 'Personal +Cleanliness.'" + +Some years ago I found among the Cambridge papers in the late Mr. J. +W. Clark's collection three printed pieces bearing on the subject. +The first is a genuine Simeonite tract; the other two are parodies. +All three are anonymous. At the top of the second parody is written +"By S. Butler. March 31." It will be necessary to give a few +quotations from the Simeonite utterance in order to bring out the +full flavour of Butler's parody, which is given entire. Butler went +up to St. John's in October, 1854; so at the time of writing this +squib he was in his second term, and 18 years of age. + +A.T.B. + + +I.--Extracts from the sheet dated "St. John's College, March 13th, +1855." In a manuscript note this is stated to be by Ynyr Lamb, of +St. John's (B.A., 1862). + + +1. When a celebrated French king once showed the infidel +philosopher Hume into his carriage, the latter at once leaped in, on +which his majesty remarked: "That's the most accomplished man +living." + +It is impossible to presume enough on Divine grace; this kind of +presumption is the characteristic of Heaven. . . + +2. Religion is not an obedience to external forms or observances, +but "a bold leap in the dark into the arms of an affectionate +Father." + +4. However Church Music may raise the devotional feelings, these +bring a man not one iota nearer to Christ, neither is it acceptable +in His sight. + +13. The ONE thing needful is Faith: Faith = 0.25 (historical +faith) + 0.75 (heart-belief, or assurance, or justification) 1.25 +peace; and peace=Ln Trust--care+joy^(n-r+1) + +18. The Lord's church has been always peculiarly tried at different +stages of history, and each era will have its peculiar glory in +eternity. . . . At the present time the trial for the church is +peculiar; never before, perhaps, were the insinuations of the +adversary so plausible and artful--his ingenuity so subtle--himself +so much an angel of light--experience has sharpened his wit--"WHILE +MEN SLEPT the enemy sowed tares"--he is now the base hypocrite--he +suits his blandishments to all--the Church is lulled in the arms of +the monster, rolling the sweet morsel under her tongue . . . + + +II.--Samuel Butler's Parody + + +1. Beware! Beware! Beware! The enemy sowed tracts in the night, +and the righteous men tremble. + +2. There are only 10 good men in John's; I am one; reader, +calculate your chance of salvation. + +3. The genuine recipe for the leaven of the Pharisees is still +extant, and runs as follows: --Self-deceit 0.33 + want of charity +0.5 + outward show 0.33, humbug infinity, insert Sim or not as +required. Reader, let each one who would seem to be righteous take +unto himself this leaven. + +4. "The University Church is a place too much neglected by the +young men up here." Thus said the learned Selwyn, {5} and he said +well. How far better would it be if each man's own heart was a +little University Church, the pericardium a little University +churchyard, wherein are buried the lust of the flesh, the pomps and +vanities of this wicked world; the veins and arteries, little +clergymen and bishops ministering therein; and the blood a stream of +soberness, temperance and chastity perpetually flowing into it. + +5. The deluge went before, misery followed after, in the middle +came a Puseyite playing upon an organ. Reader, flee from him, for +he playeth his own soul to damnation. + +6. Church music is as the whore of Babylon, or the ramping lion who +sought whom he might devour; music in a church cannot be good, when +St. Paul bade those who were merry to sing psalms. Music is but +tinkling brass, and sounding cymbals, which is what St. Paul says he +should himself be, were he without charity; he evidently then did +not consider music desirable. + +7. The most truly religious and only thoroughly good man in +Cambridge is Clayton, {6} of Cams. + +8. "Charity is but the compassion that we feel for our own vices +when we perceive their hatefulness in other people." Charity, then, +is but another name for selfishness, and must be eschewed +accordingly. + +9. A great French king was walking one day with the late Mr. B., +when the king dropped his umbrella. Mr. B. instantly stooped down +and picked it up. The king said in a very sweet tone, "Thank you." + +10. The Cam is the river Jordan. An unthinking mind may consider +this a startling announcement. Let such an one pray for grace to +read the mystery aright. + +11. When I've lost a button off my trousers I go to the tailors' +and get a new one sewn on. + +12. Faith and Works were walking one day on the road to Zion, when +Works turned into a public-house, and said he would not go any +further, at the same time telling Faith to go on by himself, and +saying that "he should be only a drag upon him." Faith accordingly +left Works in the ale-house, and went on. He had not gone far +before he began to feel faint, and thought he had better turn back +and wait for Works. He suited the action to the word, and finding +Works in an advanced state of beer, fell to, and even surpassed that +worthy in his potations. They then set to work and fought lustily, +and would have done each other a mortal injury had not a Policeman +providentially arrived, and walked them off to the station-house. +As it was they were fined Five Shillings each, and it was a long +time before they fully recovered. + +13. What can 10 fools do among 300 sinners? They can do much harm, +and had far better let the sinners seek peace their own way in the +wilderness than ram it down their throats during the night. + +14. Barnwell is a place near Cambridge. It is one of the descents +into the infernal regions; nay, the infernal regions have there +ascended to the upper earth, and are rampant. He that goeth by it +shall be scorched, but he that seeketh it knowingly shall be +devoured in the twinkling of an eye, and become withered as the +grass at noonday. + +15. Young men do not seem to consider that houses were made to pray +in, as well as to eat and to drink in. Spiritual food is much more +easily procured and far cheaper than bodily nutriment; that, +perhaps, is the reason why many overlook it. + +16. When we were children our nurses used to say, "Rock-a-bye baby +on the tree top, when the bough bends the cradle will rock." Do the +nurses intend the wind to represent temptation and the storm of +life, the tree-top ambition, and the cradle the body of the child in +which the soul traverses life's ocean? I cannot doubt all this +passes through the nurses' minds. Again, when they say, "Little Bo- +peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them; let +them alone and they'll come home with their tails all right behind +them," is Little Bo-peep intended for mother Church? Are the sheep +our erring selves, and our subsequent return to the fold? No doubt +of it. + +17. A child will often eat of itself what no compulsion can induce +it to touch. Men are disgusted with religion if it is placed before +them at unseasonable times, in unseasonable places, and clothed in a +most unseemly dress. Let them alone, and many will perhaps seek it +for themselves, whom the world suspects not. A whited sepulchre is +a very picturesque object, and I like it immensely, and I like a Sim +too. But the whited sepulchre is an acknowledged humbug and most of +the Sims are not, in my opinion, very far different. + + + +Footnotes: + +{1} This was called to my attention by a distinguished Greek +scholar of this University. + +{2} The Hauenstein tunnel was not completed until later. Its +construction was delayed by a fall of earth which occurred in 1857 +and buried sixty-three workmen.--R. A. S. + +{3} Mr. J. F. Harris has identified Butler's rooms in the third +court of St. John's College.--R. A. S. + +{4} As Walmisley died in January, 1856, this piece must evidently +date from Butler's first year at Cambridge.--R. A. S. + +{5} William Selwyn D.D., Fellow of St. John's Lady Margaret +Professor of Divinity, died 1875.--A. T. B. + +{6} Charles Clayton, M.A., of Gonville and Caius, Vicar of Holy +Trinity, Cambridge, 1851-65. Died 1883.--A. T. B. + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of Cambridge Pieces, by Samuel Butler + diff --git a/old/cambp10.zip b/old/cambp10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0ee00ec --- /dev/null +++ b/old/cambp10.zip |
