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diff --git a/3278-0.txt b/3278-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..86545c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/3278-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2307 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Cambridge Pieces, by Samuel Butler, Edited by +R. A. Streatfeild + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most +other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions +whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of +the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at +www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have +to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. + + + + +Title: Cambridge Pieces + + +Author: Samuel Butler + +Editor: R. A. Streatfeild + +Release Date: July 25, 2019 [eBook #3278] +[This file was first posted on March 10, 2001] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CAMBRIDGE PIECES*** + + +Transcribed from the 1914 A. C. Fifield edition by David Price, email +ccx074@pglaf.org + + [Picture: Public domain cover] + + + + + + CAMBRIDGE PIECES + + + By + Samuel Butler + Author of “Erewhon,” “The Way of All Flesh,” etc. + + * * * * * + + Edited by R. A. Streatfeild + + * * * * * + + London: A. C. Fifield + 1914 + + + + +CONTENTS + + PAGE +On English Composition and Other Matters 205 +Our Tour 211 +Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus 234 +The shield of Achilles, with variations 237 +Prospectus of the Great Split Society 239 +Powers 244 +A skit on examinations 251 +An Eminent Person 255 +Napoleon at St. Helena 256 +The Two Deans. I. 258 +The Two Deans. II. 259 +The Battle of Alma Mater 261 +On the Italian Priesthood 265 +Samuel Butler and the Simeonites, by A. T. Bartholomew 266 + + + + +On English Composition and Other Matters + + +_This essay is believed to be the first composition by Samuel Butler that +appeared in print_. _It was published in the first number of the_ EAGLE, +_a magazine written and edited by members of St. John’s College_, +_Cambridge_, _in the Lent Term_, 1858, _when Butler was in his fourth and +last year of residence_. + + [From the _Eagle_, Vol. 1, No. 1, Lent Term, 1858, p. 41.] + +I sit down scarcely knowing how to grasp my own meaning, and give it a +tangible shape in words; and yet it is concerning this very expression of +our thoughts in words that I wish to speak. As I muse things fall more +into their proper places, and, little fit for the task as my confession +pronounces me to be, I will try to make clear that which is in my mind. + +I think, then, that the style of our authors of a couple of hundred years +ago was more terse and masculine than that of those of the present day, +possessing both more of the graphic element, and more vigour, +straightforwardness, and conciseness. Most readers will have anticipated +me in admitting that a man should be clear of his meaning before he +endeavours to give to it any kind of utterance, and that having made up +his mind what to say, the less thought he takes how to say it, more than +briefly, pointedly, and plainly, the better; for instance, Bacon tells +us, “Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark”; he does not say, +what I can imagine a last century writer to have said, “A feeling +somewhat analogous to the dread with which children are affected upon +entering a dark room, is that which most men entertain at the +contemplation of death.” Jeremy Taylor says, “Tell them it is as much +intemperance to weep too much as to laugh too much”; he does not say, +“All men will acknowledge that laughing admits of intemperance, but some +men may at first sight hesitate to allow that a similar imputation may be +at times attached to weeping.” + +I incline to believe that as irons support the rickety child, whilst they +impede the healthy one, so rules, for the most part, are but useful to +the weaker among us. Our greatest masters in language, whether prose or +verse, in painting, music, architecture, or the like, have been those who +preceded the rule and whose excellence gave rise thereto; men who +preceded, I should rather say, not the rule, but the discovery of the +rule, men whose intuitive perception led them to the right practice. We +cannot imagine Homer to have studied rules, and the infant genius of +those giants of their art, Handel, Mozart, and Beethoven, who composed at +the ages of seven, five, and ten, must certainly have been unfettered by +them: to the less brilliantly endowed, however, they have a use as being +compendious safeguards against error. Let me then lay down as the best +of all rules for writing, “forgetfulness of self, and carefulness of the +matter in hand.” No simile is out of place that illustrates the subject; +in fact a simile as showing the symmetry of this world’s arrangement, is +always, if a fair one, interesting; every simile is amiss that leads the +mind from the contemplation of its object to the contemplation of its +author. This will apply equally to the heaping up of unnecessary +illustrations: it is as great a fault to supply the reader with too many +as with too few; having given him at most two, it is better to let him +read slowly and think out the rest for himself than to surfeit him with +an abundance of explanation. Hood says well, + + And thus upon the public mind intrude it; + As if I thought, like Otaheitan cooks, + No food was fit to eat till I had chewed it. + +A book that is worth reading will be worth reading thoughtfully, and +there are but few good books, save certain novels, that it is well to +read in an arm-chair. Most will bear standing to. At the present time +we seem to lack the impassiveness and impartiality which was so marked +among the writings of our forefathers, we are seldom content with the +simple narration of fact, but must rush off into an almost declamatory +description of them; my meaning will be plain to all who have studied +Thucydides. The dignity of his simplicity is, I think, marred by those +who put in the accessories which seem thought necessary in all present +histories. How few writers of the present day would not, instead of _νὑξ +γὰρ ἐπεγένετο τῷ ἓργῳ_ rather write, “Night fell upon this horrid scene +of bloodshed.” {207} This is somewhat a matter of taste, but I think I +shall find some to agree with me in preferring for plain narration (of +course I exclude oratory) the unadorned gravity of Thucydides. There +are, indeed, some writers of the present day who seem returning to the +statement of facts rather than their adornment, but these are not the +most generally admired. This simplicity, however, to be truly effective +must be unstudied; it will not do to write with affected terseness, a +charge which, I think, may be fairly preferred against Tacitus; such a +style if ever effective must be so from excess of artifice and not from +that artlessness of simplicity which I should wish to see prevalent among +us. + +Neither again is it well to write and go over the ground again with the +pruning knife, though this fault is better than the other; to take care +of the matter, and let the words take care of themselves, is the best +safeguard. + +To this I shall be answered, “Yes, but is not a diamond cut and polished +a more beautiful object than when rough?” I grant it, and more valuable, +inasmuch as it has run chance of spoliation in the cutting, but I +maintain that the thinking man, the man whose thoughts are great and +worth the consideration of others, will “deal in proprieties,” and will +from the mine of his thoughts produce ready-cut diamonds, or rather will +cut them there spontaneously, ere ever they see the light of day. + +There are a few points still which it were well we should consider. We +are all too apt when we sit down to study a subject to have already +formed our opinion, and to weave all matter to the warp of our +preconceived judgment, to fall in with the received idea, and, with +biassed minds, unconsciously to follow in the wake of public opinion, +while professing to lead it. To the best of my belief half the dogmatism +of those we daily meet is in consequence of the unwitting practices of +this self-deception. Simply let us not talk about what we do not +understand, save as learners, and we shall not by writing mislead others. + +There is no shame in being obliged to others for opinions, the shame is +not being honest enough to acknowledge it: I would have no one omit to +put down a useful thought because it was not his own, provided it tended +to the better expression of his matter, and he did not conceal its +source; let him, however, set out the borrowed capital to interest. One +word more and I have done. With regard to our subject, the best rule is +not to write concerning that about which we cannot at our present age +know anything save by a process which is commonly called cram: on all +such matters there are abler writers than ourselves; the men, in fact, +from whom we cram. Never let us hunt after a subject, unless we have +something which we feel urged on to say, it is better to say nothing; who +are so ridiculous as those who talk for the sake of talking, save only +those who write for the sake of writing? But there are subjects which +all young men think about. Who can take a walk in our streets and not +think? The most trivial incident has ramifications, to whose guidance if +we surrender our thoughts, we are oft-times led upon a gold mine +unawares, and no man whether old or young is worse for reading the +ingenuous and unaffected statement of a young man’s thoughts. There are +some things in which experience blunts the mental vision, as well as +others in which it sharpens it. The former are best described by younger +men, our province is not to lead public opinion, is not in fact to ape +our seniors, and transport ourselves from our proper sphere, it is rather +to show ourselves as we are, to throw our thoughts before the public as +they rise, without requiring it to imagine that we are right and others +wrong, but hoping for the forbearance which I must beg the reader to +concede to myself, and trusting to the genuineness and vigour of our +design to attract it may be more than a passing attention. + +I am aware that I have digressed from the original purpose of my essay, +but I hope for pardon, if, believing the digression to be of more value +than the original matter, I have not checked my pen, but let it run on +even as my heart directed it. + + CELLARIUS. + + + + +Our Tour + + +_This essay was published in the_ EAGLE, _Vol._ 1, _No._ 5. _in the +Easter Term_, 1859. _It describes a holiday trip made by Butler in +June_, 1857, _in company with a friend whose name_, _which was Joseph +Green_, _Butler Italianised as Giuseppe Verdi_. _I am permitted by +Professor Bonney to quote a few words from a private letter of his +referring to Butler’s tour_: “_It was remarkable in the amount of ground +covered and the small sum spent_, _but still more in the direction taken +in the first part of the tour_. _Dauphine was then almost a_ TERRA +INCOGNITA _to English or any other travellers_.” + + [From the _Eagle_, Vol. 1, No. 5. Easter Term, 1859, p. 241.] + +AS the vacation is near, and many may find themselves with three weeks’ +time on their hand, five-and-twenty pounds in their pockets, and the map +of Europe before them, perhaps the following sketch of what can be +effected with such money and in such time, may not come amiss to those, +who, like ourselves a couple of years ago, are in doubt how to enjoy +themselves most effectually after a term’s hard reading. + +To some, probably, the tour we decided upon may seem too hurried, and the +fatigue too great for too little profit; still even to these it may +happen that a portion of the following pages may be useful. Indeed, the +tour was scarcely conceived at first in its full extent, originally we +had intended devoting ourselves entirely to the French architecture of +Normandy and Brittany. Then we grew ambitious, and stretched our +imaginations to Paris. Then the longing for a snowy mountain waxed, and +the love of French Gothic waned, and we determined to explore the French +Alps. Then we thought that we must just step over them and take a peep +into Italy, and so, disdaining to return by the road we had already +travelled, we would cut off the north-west corner of Italy, and cross the +Alps again into Switzerland, where, of course, we must see the cream of +what was to be seen; and then thinking it possible that our three weeks +and our five-and-twenty pounds might be looking foolish, we would return, +via Strasburg to Paris, and so to Cambridge. This plan we eventually +carried into execution, spending not a penny more money, nor an hour’s +more time; and, despite the declarations which met us on all sides that +we could never achieve anything like all we had intended, I hope to be +able to show how we did achieve it, and how anyone else may do the like +if he has a mind. A person with a good deal of energy might do much more +than this; we ourselves had at one time entertained thoughts of going to +Rome for two days, and thence to Naples, walking over the Monte St. +Angelo from Castellamare to Amalfi (which for my own part I cherish with +fond affection, as being far the most lovely thing that I have ever +seen), and then returning as with a _Nunc Dimittis_, and I still think it +would have been very possible; but, on the whole, such a journey would +not have been so well, for the long tedious road between Marseilles and +Paris would have twice been traversed by us, to say nothing of the sea +journey between Marseilles and Cività Vecchia. However, no more of what +might have been, let us proceed to what was. + +If on Tuesday, June 9 [i.e. 1857], you leave London Bridge at six o’clock +in the morning, you will get (via Newhaven) to Dieppe at fifteen minutes +past three. If on landing you go to the Hotel Victoria, you will find +good accommodation and a table d’hôte at five o’clock; you can then go +and admire the town, which will not be worth admiring, but which will +fill you with pleasure on account of the novelty and freshness of +everything you meet; whether it is the old bonnet-less, short-petticoated +women walking arm and arm with their grandsons, whether the church with +its quaint sculpture of the Entombment of our Lord, and the sad votive +candles ever guttering in front of it, or whether the plain evidence that +meets one at every touch and turn, that one is among people who live out +of doors very much more than ourselves, or what not—all will be charming, +and if you are yourself in high spirits and health, full of anticipation +and well inclined to be pleased with all you see, Dieppe will appear a +very charming place, and one which a year or two hence you will fancy +that you would like to revisit. But now we must leave it at forty-five +minutes past seven, and at twelve o’clock on Tuesday night we shall find +ourselves in Paris. We drive off to the Hôtel de Normandie in the Rue +St. Honoré, 290 (I think), stroll out and get a cup of coffee, and return +to bed at one o’clock. + +The next day we spent in Paris, and of it no account need be given, save +perhaps the reader may be advised to ascend the Arc de Triomphe, and not +to waste his time in looking at Napoleon’s hats and coats and shoes in +the Louvre; to eschew all the picture rooms save the one with the +Murillos, and the great gallery, and to dine at the Dîners de Paris. If +he asks leave to wash his hands before dining there, he will observe a +little astonishment among the waiters at the barbarian cleanliness of the +English, and be shown into a little room, where a diminutive bowl will be +proffered to him, of which more anon; let him first (as we did) wash or +rather sprinkle his face as best he can, and then we will tell him after +dinner what we generally do with the bowls in question. I forget how +many things they gave us, but I am sure many more than would be pleasant +to read, nor do I remember any circumstance connected with the dinner, +save that on occasion of one of the courses, the waiter perceiving a +little perplexity on my part as to how I should manage an artichoke +served _à la française_, feelingly removed my knife and fork from my hand +and cut it up himself into six mouthfuls, returning me the whole with a +sigh of gratitude for the escape of the artichoke from a barbarous and +unnatural end; and then after dinner they brought us little tumblers of +warm lavender scent and water to wash our mouths out, and the little +bowls to spit into; but enough of eating, we must have some more coffee +at a café on the Boulevards, watch the carriages and the people and the +dresses and the sunshine and all the pomps and vanities which the +Boulevards have not yet renounced; return to the inn, fetch our +knapsacks, and be off to the Chemin de Fer de Lyon by forty-five minutes +past seven; our train leaves at five minutes past eight, and we are +booked to Grenoble. All night long the train speeds towards the south. +We leave Sens with its grey cathedral solemnly towering in the moonlight +a mile on the left. (How few remember, that to the architect William of +Sens we owe Canterbury Cathedral.) Fontainebleau is on the right, +station after station wakes up our dozing senses, while ever in our ears +are ringing as through the dim light we gaze on the surrounding country, +“the pastures of Switzerland and the poplar valleys of France.” + +It is still dark—as dark, that is, as the midsummer night will allow it +to be, when we are aware that we have entered on a tunnel; a long tunnel, +very long—I fancy there must be high hills above it; for I remember that +some few years ago when I was travelling up from Marseilles to Paris in +midwinter, all the way from Avignon (between which place and Châlon the +railway was not completed), there had been a dense frozen fog; on neither +hand could anything beyond the road be descried, while every bush and +tree was coated with a thick and steadily increasing fringe of silver +hoar-frost, for the night and day, and half-day that it took us to reach +this tunnel, all was the same—bitter cold dense fog and ever silently +increasing hoar-frost: but on emerging from it, the whole scene was +completely changed; the air was clear, the sun shining brightly, no +hoar-frost and only a few patches of fast melting snow, everything in +fact betokening a thaw of some days’ duration. Another thing I know +about this tunnel which makes me regard it with veneration as a boundary +line in countries, namely, that on every high ground after this tunnel on +clear days Mont Blanc may be seen. True, it is only very rarely seen, +but I have known those who have seen it; and accordingly touch my +companion on the side, and say, “We are within sight of the Alps”; a few +miles farther on and we are at Dijon. It is still very early morning, I +think about three o’clock, but we feel as if we were already at the Alps, +and keep looking anxiously out for them, though we well know that it is a +moral impossibility that we should see them for some hours at the least. +Indian corn comes in after Dijon; the oleanders begin to come out of +their tubs; the peach trees, apricots, and nectarines unnail themselves +from the walls, and stand alone in the open fields. The vineyards are +still scrubby, but the practised eye readily detects with each hour some +slight token that we are nearer the sun than we were, or, at any rate, +farther from the North Pole. We don’t stay long at Dijon nor at Châlon, +at Lyons we have an hour to wait; breakfast off a basin of _café au lait_ +and a huge hunch of bread, get a miserable wash, compared with which the +spittoons of the Dîners de Paris were luxurious, and return in time to +proceed to St. Rambert, whence the railroad branches off to Grenoble. It +is very beautiful between Lyons and St. Rambert. The mulberry trees show +the silkworm to be a denizen of the country, while the fields are +dazzlingly brilliant with poppies and salvias; on the other side of the +Rhône rise high cloud-capped hills, but towards the Alps we strain our +eyes in vain. + +At St. Rambert the railroad to Grenoble branches off at right angles to +the main line, it was then only complete as far as Rives, now it is +continued the whole way to Grenoble; by which the reader will save some +two or three hours, but miss a beautiful ride from Rives to Grenoble by +the road. The valley bears the name of Grésivaudan. It is very rich and +luxuriant, the vineyards are more Italian, the fig trees larger than we +have yet seen them, patches of snow whiten the higher hills, and we feel +that we are at last indeed among the outskirts of the Alps themselves. I +am told that we should have stayed at Voreppe, seen the Grande Chartreuse +(for which see Murray), and then gone on to Grenoble, but we were pressed +for time and could not do everything. At Grenoble we arrived about two +o’clock, washed comfortably at last and then dined; during dinner a +_calèche_ was preparing to drive us on to Bourg d’Oisans, a place some +six or seven and thirty miles farther on, and by thirty minutes past +three we find ourselves reclining easily within it, and digesting dinner +with the assistance of a little packet, for which we paid +one-and-fourpence at the well-known shop of Mr. Bacon, Market-square, +Cambridge. It is very charming. The air is sweet, warm, and sunny, +there has been bad weather for some days here, but it is clearing up; the +clouds are lifting themselves hour by hour, we are evidently going to +have a pleasant spell of fine weather. The _calèche_ jolts a little, and +the horse is decidedly shabby, both _qua_ horse and _qua_ harness, but +our moustaches are growing, and our general appearance is in keeping. +The wine was very pleasant at Grenoble, and we have a pound of ripe +cherries between us; so, on the whole, we would not change with his Royal +Highness Prince Albert or all the Royal Family, and jolt on through the +long straight poplar avenue that colonnades the road above the level +swamp and beneath the hills, and turning a sharp angle enter Vizille, a +wretched place, only memorable because from this point we begin +definitely, though slowly, to enter the hills and ascend by the side of +the Romanche through the valley, which that river either made or +found—who knows or cares? But we do know very well that we are driving +up a very exquisitely beautiful valley, that the Romanche takes longer +leaps from rock to rock than she did, that the hills have closed in upon +us, that we see more snow each time the valley opens, that the villages +get scantier, and that at last a great giant iceberg walls up the way in +front, and we feast our eyes on the long-desired sight till after that +the setting sun has tinged it purple (a sure sign of a fine day), its +ghastly pallor shows us that the night is upon us. It is cold, and we +are not sorry at half-past nine to find ourselves at Bourg d’Oisans, +where there is a very fair inn kept by one Martin; we get a comfortable +supper of eggs and go to bed fairly tired. + +This we must remind the reader is Thursday night, on Tuesday morning we +left London, spent one day in Paris, and are now sleeping among the Alps, +sharpish work, but very satisfactory, and a prelude to better things by +and by. The next day we made rather a mistake, instead of going straight +on to Briançon we went up a valley towards Mont Pelvoux (a mountain +nearly 14,000 feet high), intending to cross a high pass above La Bérarde +down to Briançon, but when we got to St. Christophe we were told the pass +would not be open till August, so returned and slept a second night at +Bourg d’Oisans. The valley, however, was all that could be desired, +mingled sun and shadow, tumbling river, rich wood, and mountain pastures, +precipices all around, and snow-clad summits continually unfolding +themselves; Murray is right in calling the valley above Venosc a scene of +savage sterility. At Venosc, in the poorest of hostelries was a tuneless +cracked old instrument, half piano, half harpsichord—how it ever found +its way there we were at a loss to conceive—and an irrelevant clock that +struck seven times by fits and starts at its own convenience during our +one o’clock dinner; we returned to Bourg d’Oisans at seven, and were in +bed by nine. + +Saturday, June 13. + +Having found that a conveyance to Briançon was beyond our finances, and +that they would not take us any distance at a reasonable charge, we +determined to walk the whole fifty miles in the day, and half-way down +the mountains, sauntering listlessly accordingly left Bourg d’Oisans at a +few minutes before five in the morning. The clouds were floating over +the uplands, but they soon began to rise, and before seven o’clock the +sky was cloudless; along the road were passing hundreds of people (though +it was only five in the morning) in detachments of from two to nine, with +cattle, sheep, pigs, and goats, picturesque enough but miserably lean and +gaunt: we leave them to proceed to the fair, and after a three miles’ +level walk through a straight poplar avenue, commence ascending far above +the Romanche; all day long we slowly ascend, stopping occasionally to +refresh ourselves with _vin ordinaire_ and water, but making steady way +in the main, though heavily weighted and under a broiling sun, at one we +reach La Grave, which is opposite the Mont de Lans, a most superb +mountain. The whole scene equal to anything in Switzerland, as far as +the mountains go. The Mont de Lans is opposite the windows, seeming +little more than a stone’s throw off, and causing my companion (whose +name I will, with his permission, Italianise into that of the famous +composer Giuseppe Verdi) to think it a mere nothing to mount to the top +of those sugared pinnacles which he will not believe are many miles +distant in reality. After dinner we trudge on, the scenery constantly +improving, the snow drawing down to us, and the Romanche dwindling +hourly; we reach the top of the Col du Lautaret, which Murray must +describe; I can only say that it is first-class scenery. The flowers are +splendid, acres and acres of wild narcissus, the Alpine cowslip, +gentians, large purple and yellow anemones, soldanellas, and the whole +kith and kin of the high Alpine pasture flowers; great banks of snow lie +on each side of the road, and probably will continue to do so till the +middle of July, while all around are glaciers and precipices innumerable. + +We only got as far as Monêtier after all, for, reaching that town at +half-past eight, and finding that Briançon was still eight miles further +on, we preferred resting there at the miserable but cheap and honest +Hôtel de l’Europe; had we gone on a little farther we should have found a +much better one, but we were tired with our forty-two miles’ walk, and, +after a hasty supper and a quiet pipe, over which we watch the last +twilight on the Alps above Briançon, we turn in very tired but very much +charmed. + +Sunday morning was the clearest and freshest morning that ever tourists +could wish for, the grass crisply frozen (for we are some three or four +thousand feet above the sea), the glaciers descending to a level but +little higher than the road; a fine range of Alps in front over Briançon, +and the road winding down past a new river (for we have long lost the +Romanche) towards the town, which is some six or seven miles distant. + +It was a fête—the _Fête du bon Dieu_, celebrated annually on this day +throughout all this part of the country; in all the villages there were +little shrines erected, adorned with strings of blue corncockle, +narcissus heads, and poppies, bunches of green, pink, and white calico, +moss and fir-tree branches, and in the midst of these tastefully arranged +bowers was an image of the Virgin and her Son, with whatever other saints +the place was possessed of. + +At Briançon, which we reached (in a trap) at eight o’clock, these +demonstrations were more imposing, but less pleasing; the soldiers, too, +were being drilled and exercised, and the whole scene was one of the +greatest animation, such as Frenchmen know how to exhibit on the morning +of a gala day. + +Leaving our trap at Briançon and making a hasty breakfast at the Hôtel de +la Paix, we walked up a very lonely valley towards Cervières. I dare not +say how many hours we wended our way up the brawling torrent without +meeting a soul or seeing a human habitation; it was fearfully hot too, +and we longed for _vin ordinaire_; Cervières seemed as though it never +would come—still the same rugged precipices, snow-clad heights, brawling +torrent, and stony road, butterflies beautiful and innumerable, flowers +to match, sky cloudless. At last we are there; through the town, or +rather village, the river rushes furiously, the dismantled houses and +gaping walls affording palpable traces of the fearful inundations of the +previous year, not a house near the river was sound, many quite +uninhabitable, and more such as I am sure few of us would like to +inhabit. However, it is Cervières such as it is, and we hope for our +_vin ordinaire_; but, alas!—not a human being, man, woman or child, is to +be seen, the houses are all closed, the noonday quiet holds the hill with +a vengeance, unbroken, save by the ceaseless roar of the river. + +While we were pondering what this loneliness could mean, and wherefore we +were unable to make an entrance even into the little _auberge_ that +professed to _loger à pied et à cheval_, a kind of low wail or chaunt +began to make itself heard from the other side of the river; wild and +strange, yet full of a music of its own, it took my friend and myself so +much by surprise that we almost thought for the moment that we had +trespassed on to the forbidden ground of some fairy people who lived +alone here, high amid the sequestered valleys where mortal steps were +rare, but on going to the corner of the street we were undeceived indeed, +but most pleasurably surprised by the pretty spectacle that presented +itself. + +For from the church opposite first were pouring forth a string of young +girls clad in their Sunday’s best, then followed the youths, as in duty +bound, then came a few monks or friars or some such folk, carrying the +Virgin, then the men of the place, then the women and lesser children, +all singing after their own rough fashion; the effect was electrical, for +in a few minutes the procession reached us, and dispersing itself far and +wide, filled the town with as much life as it had before been lonely. It +was like a sudden introduction of the whole company on to the theatre +after the stage has been left empty for a minute, and to us was doubly +welcome as affording us some hope of our wine. + +“Vous êtes Piedmontais, monsieur,” said one to me. I denied the +accusation. “Alors vous êtes Allemands.” I again denied and said we +were English, whereon they opened their eyes wide and said, +“Anglais,—mais c’est une autre chose,” and seemed much pleased, for the +alliance was then still in full favour. It caused them a little +disappointment that we were Protestants, but they were pleased at being +able to tell us that there was a Protestant minister higher up the valley +which we said would “do us a great deal of pleasure.” + +The _vin ordinaire_ was execrable—they only, however, charged us nine +sous for it, and on our giving half a franc and thinking ourselves +exceedingly stingy for not giving a whole one, they shouted out “Voilà +les Anglais, voilà la generosité des Anglais,” with evident sincerity. I +thought to myself that the less we English corrupted the primitive +simplicity of these good folks the better; it was really refreshing to +find several people protesting about one’s generosity for having paid a +halfpenny more for a bottle of wine than was expected; at Monêtier we +asked whether many English came there, and they told us yes, a great +many, there had been fifteen there last year, but I should imagine that +scarcely fifteen could travel up past Cervières, and yet the English +character be so little known as to be still evidently popular. + +I don’t know what o’clock it was when we left Cervières—midday I should +imagine; we left the river on our left and began to ascend a mountain +pass called Izouard, as far as I could make out, but will not pledge +myself to have caught the name correctly; it was more lonely than ever, +very high, much more snow on the top than on the previous day over the +Col du Lautaret, the path scarcely distinguishable, indeed quite lost in +many places, very beautiful but not so much so as the Col du Lautaret, +and better on descending towards Queyras than on ascending; from the +summit of the pass the view of the several Alpine chains about is very +fine, but from the entire absence of trees of any kind it is more rugged +and barren than I altogether liked; going down towards Queyras we found +the letters S.I.C. marked on a rock, evidently with the spike of an +alpine-stock,—we wondered whether they stood for St. John’s College. + +We reached Queyras at about four very tired, for yesterday’s work was +heavy, and refresh ourselves with a huge omelette and some good Provence +wine. + +Reader, don’t go into that _auberge_, carry up provision from Briançon, +or at any rate carry the means of eating it: they have only two knives in +the place, one for the landlord and one for the landlady; these are clasp +knives, and they carry them in their pockets; I used the landlady’s, my +companion had the other; the room was very like a cow-house—dark, wooden, +and smelling strongly of manure; outside I saw that one of the beams +supporting a huge projecting balcony that ran round the house was resting +on a capital of white marble—a Lombard capital that had evidently seen +better days, they could not tell us whence it came. Meat they have none, +so we gorge ourselves with omelette, and at half-past five trudge on, for +we have a long way to go yet, and no alternative but to proceed. + +Abriès is the name of the place we stopped at that night; it was +pitch-dark when we reached it, and the whole town was gone to bed, but by +great good luck we found a café still open (the inn was shut up for the +night), and there we lodged. I dare not say how many miles we had +walked, but we were still plucky, and having prevailed at last on the +landlord to allow us clean sheets on our beds instead of the dirty ones +he and his wife had been sleeping on since Christmas, and making the best +of the solitary decanter and pie dish which was all the washing +implements we were allowed (not a toothmug even extra), we had coffee and +bread and brandy for supper, and retired at about eleven to the soundest +sleep in spite of our somewhat humble accommodation. If nasty, at any +rate it was cheap; they charged us a franc a piece for our suppers, beds, +and two cigars; we went to the inn to breakfast, where, though the +accommodation was somewhat better, the charge was most extortionate. +Murray is quite right in saying the travellers should bargain beforehand +at this inn (_chez_ Richard); I think they charged us five francs for the +most ordinary breakfast. From this place we started at about nine, and +took a guide as far as the top of the Col de la Croix Haute, having too +nearly lost our way yesterday; the paths have not been traversed much +yet, and the mule and sheep droppings are but scanty indicators of the +direction of paths of which the winds and rain have obliterated all other +traces. + +The Col de la Croix Haute is rightly named, it was very high, but not so +hard to ascend until we reached the snow. On the Italian side it is +terribly steep, from the French side, however, the slope is more gradual. +The snow was deeper at the top of this pass than on either of the two +previous days; in many places we sank deep in, but had no real difficulty +in crossing; on the Italian side the snow was gone and the path soon +became clear enough, so we sent our guide to the right about and trudged +on alone. + +A sad disappointment, however, awaited us, for instead of the clear air +that we had heretofore enjoyed, the clouds were rolling up from the +valley, and we entirely lost the magnificent view of the plains of +Lombardy which we ought to have seen; this was our first mishap, and we +bore it heroically. A lunch may be had at Prali, and there the Italian +tongue will be heard for the first time. + +We must have both looked very questionable personages, for I remember +that a man present asked me for a cigar; I gave him two, and he proffered +a _sou_ in return as a matter of course. + +Shortly below Prali the clouds drew off, or rather we reached a lower +level, so that they were above us, and now the walnut and the chestnut, +the oak and the beech have driven away the pines of the other side, not +that there were many of them; soon, too, the vineyards come in, the +Indian corn again flourishes everywhere, the cherries grow ripe as we +descend, and in an hour or two we felt to our great joy that we were +fairly in Italy. + +The descent is steep beyond compare, for La Tour, which we reached by +four o’clock, is quite on the plain, very much on a level with Turin—I do +not remember any descent between the two—and the pass cannot be much +under eight thousand feet. + +Passports are asked at Bobbio, but the very sight of the English name was +at that time sufficient to cause the passport to be returned +unscrutinised. + +La Tour is a Protestant place, or at any rate chiefly so, indeed all the +way from Cervières we have been among people half Protestant and half +Romanist; these were the Waldenses of the Middle Ages, they are handsome, +particularly the young women, and I should fancy an honest simple race +enough, but not over clean. + +As a proof that we were in Italy we happened while waiting for table +d’hôte to be leaning over the balcony that ran round the house and passed +our bedroom door, when a man and a girl came out with two large pails in +their hands, and we watched them proceed to a cart with a barrel in it, +which was in a corner of the yard; we had been wondering what was in the +barrel and were glad to see them commence tapping it, when lo! out +spouted the blood-red wine with which they actually half filled their +pails before they left the spot. This was as Italy should be. After +dinner, too, as we stroll in the showy Italian sort of piazza near the +inn, the florid music which fills the whole square, accompanied by a +female voice of some pretensions, again thoroughly Italianises the scene, +and when she struck up our English national anthem (with such a bass +accompaniment!) nothing could be imagined more incongruous. + +Sleeping at La Tour at the hotel kept by M. Gai (which is very good, +clean, and cheap), we left next morning, i.e. Tuesday, June 16, at four +by diligence for Pinerolo, thence by rail to Turin where we spent the +day. It was wet and we saw no vestiges of the Alps. + +Turin is a very handsome city, very regularly built, the streets running +nearly all parallel to and at right angles with each other; there are no +suburbs, and the consequence is that at the end of every street one sees +the country; the Alps surround the city like a horseshoe, and hence many +of the streets seem actually walled in with a snowy mountain. Nowhere +are the Alps seen to greater advantage than from Turin. I speak from the +experience, not of the journey I am describing, but of a previous one. +From the Superga the view is magnificent, but from the hospital for +soldiers just above the Po on the eastern side of the city the view is +very similar, and the city seen to greater advantage. The Po is a fine +river, but very muddy, not like the Ticino which has the advantage of +getting washed in the Lago Maggiore. On the whole Turin is well worth +seeing. Leaving it, however, on Wednesday morning we arrived at Arona +about half-past eleven: the country between the two places is flat, but +rich and well cultivated: much rice is grown, and in consequence the +whole country easily capable of being laid under water, a thing which I +should imagine the Piedmontese would not be slow to avail themselves of; +we ought to have had the Alps as a background to the view, but they were +still veiled. It was here that a countryman, seeing me with one or two +funny little pipes which I had bought in Turin, asked me if I was a +_fabricante di pipi_—a pipe-maker. + +By the time that we were at Arona the sun had appeared, and the clouds +were gone; here, too, we determined to halt for half a day, neither of us +being quite the thing, so after a visit to the colossal statue of San +Carlo, which is very fine and imposing, we laid ourselves down under the +shade of some chestnut trees above the lake, and enjoyed the extreme +beauty of everything around us, until we fell fast asleep, and yet even +in sleep we seemed to retain a consciousness of the unsurpassable beauty +of the scene. After dinner (we were stopping at the Hôtel de la Poste, a +very nice inn indeed) we took a boat and went across the lake to Angera, +a little town just opposite; it was in the Austrian territory, but they +made no delay about admitting us; the reason of our excursion was, that +we might go and explore the old castle there, which is seated on an +inconsiderable eminence above the lake. It affords an excellent example +of Italian domestic Gothic of the Middle Ages; San Carlo was born and +resided here, and, indeed, if saintliness were to depend upon beauty of +natural scenery, no wonder at his having been a saint. + +The castle is only tenanted by an old man who keeps the place; we found +him cooking his supper over a small crackling fire of sticks, which he +had lighted in the main hall; his feeble old voice chirps about San Carlo +this and San Carlo that as we go from room to room. We have no carpets +here—plain honest brick floors—the chairs, indeed, have once been covered +with velvet, but they are now so worn that one can scarcely detect that +they have been so, the tables warped and worm-eaten, the few, that is, +that remained there, the shutters cracked and dry with the sun and summer +of so many hundred years—no Renaissance work here, yet for all that there +was something about it which made it to me the only really pleasurable +nobleman’s mansion that I have ever been over; the view from the top is +superb, and then the row home to Arona, the twinkling lights softly +gleaming in the lake, the bells jangling from the tall and gaudy +campaniles, the stillness of the summer night—so warm and yet so +refreshing on the water; hush, there are some people singing—how sweetly +their voices are borne to us upon the slight breath of wind that alone is +stirring; oh, it is a cruel thing to think of war in connection with such +a spot as this, and yet from this very Angera to this very Arona it is +that the Austrians have been crossing to commence their attack on +Sardinia. I fear these next summer nights will not be broken with the +voice of much singing and that we shall have to hush for the roaring of +cannon. + +I never knew before how melodiously frogs can croak—there is a sweet +guttural about some of these that I never heard in England: before going +to bed, I remember particularly one amorous batrachian courting _malgrè +sa maman_ regaled us with a lusciously deep rich croak, that served as a +good accompaniment for the shrill whizzing sound of the cigales. + +My space is getting short, but fortunately we are getting on to ground +better known; I will therefore content myself with sketching out the +remainder of our tour and leaving the reader to Murray for descriptions. + +We left Arona with regret on Thursday morning (June 18), took steamer to +the Isola Bella, which is an example of how far human extravagance and +folly can spoil a rock, which had it been left alone would have been very +beautiful, and thence by a little boat went to Baveno; thence we took +diligence for Domo d’Ossola; the weather clouded towards evening and big +raindrops beginning to descend we thought it better to proceed at once by +the same diligence over the Simplon; we did not care to walk the pass in +wet, therefore leaving Domo d’Ossola at ten o’clock that night we arrived +at Iselle about two; the weather clearing we saw the gorge of Gondo and +walked a good way up the pass in the early morning by the diligence; +breakfasted at Simplon at four o’clock in the morning, and without +waiting a moment as soon as we got out at Brieg set off for Visp, which +we reached at twelve on foot; we washed and dressed there, dined and +advanced to Leuk, and thence up the most exquisitely beautiful road to +Leukerbad, which we reached at about eight o’clock after a very fatiguing +day. The Hôtel de la France is clean and cheap. Next morning we left at +half-past five and, crossing the Gemini, got to Frutigen at half-past +one, took an open trap after dinner and drove to Interlaken, which we +reached on the Saturday night at eight o’clock, the weather first rate; +Sunday we rested at Interlaken; on Monday we assailed the Wengern Alp, +but the weather being pouring wet we halted on the top and spent the +night there, being rewarded by the most transcendent evening view of the +Jungfrau, Eiger, and Mönch in the clear cold air seen through a thin veil +of semi-transparent cloud that was continually scudding across them. + +Next morning early we descended to Grindelwald, thence past the upper +glacier under the Wetterhorn over the Scheidegg to Rosenlaui, where we +dined and saw the glacier, after dinner, descending the valley we visited +the falls of Reichenbach (which the reader need not do if he means to see +those of the Aar at Handegg), and leaving Meyringen on our left we +recommenced an ascent of the valley of the Aar, sleeping at Guttannen, +about ten miles farther on. + +Next day, i.e. Wednesday, June 24, leaving Guttannen very early, passing +the falls of Handegg, which are first rate, we reached the hospice at +nine; had some wine there, and crawled on through the snow and up the +rocks to the summit of the pass—here we met an old lady, in a blue ugly, +with a pair of green spectacles, carried in a _chaise à porteur_; she had +taken it into her head in her old age that she would like to see a little +of the world, and here she was. We had seen her lady’s maid at the +hospice, concerning whom we were told that she was “bien sage,” and did +not scream at the precipices. On the top of the Gemini, too, at +half-past seven in the morning, we had met a somewhat similar lady +walking alone with a blue parasol over the snow; about half an hour after +we met some porters carrying her luggage, and found that she was an +invalid lady of Berne, who was walking over to the baths at Leukerbad for +the benefit of her health—we scarcely thought there could be much +occasion—leaving these two good ladies then, let us descend the Grimsel +to the bottom of the glacier of the Rhône, and then ascend the Furka—a +stiff pull; we got there by two o’clock, dined (Italian is spoken here +again), and finally reached Hospenthal at half-past five after a very +long day. + +On Thursday walking down to Amstegg and taking a trap to Flüelen, we then +embarked on board a steamer and had a most enjoyable ride to Lucerne, +where we slept; Friday to Basle by rail, walking over the Hauenstein, +{233a} and getting a magnificent panorama (alas! a final one) of the +Alps, and from Basle to Strasburg, where we ascended the cathedral as far +as they would let us without special permission from a power they called +Mary, and then by the night train to Paris, where we arrived Saturday +morning at ten. + +Left Paris on Sunday afternoon, slept at Dieppe; left Dieppe Monday +morning, got to London at three o’clock or thereabouts, and might have +reached Cambridge that night had we been so disposed; next day came +safely home to dear old St. John’s, cash in hand 7_d._ + +From my window {233b} in the cool of the summer twilight I look on the +umbrageous chestnuts that droop into the river; Trinity library rears its +stately proportions on the left; opposite is the bridge; over that, on +the right, the thick dark foliage is blackening almost into sombreness as +the night draws on. Immediately beneath are the arched cloisters +resounding with the solitary footfall of meditative students, and +suggesting grateful retirement. I say to myself then, as I sit in my +open window, that for a continuance I would rather have this than any +scene I have visited during the whole of our most enjoyed tour, and fetch +down a Thucydides, for I must go to Shilleto at nine o’clock to-morrow. + + + + +Translation from an Unpublished Work of Herodotus + + +_This piece and the ten that follow it date from Butler’s undergraduate +days_. _They were preserved by the late Canon Joseph McCormick_, _who +was Butler’s contemporary at Cambridge and knew him well_. + +_In a letter to_ THE TIMES, _published_ 27 _June_, 1902, _shortly after +Butler’s death_, _Canon McCormick gave some interesting details of +Butler’s Cambridge days_. “_I have in my possession_,” _he wrote_, +“_some of the skits with which he amused himself and some of his personal +friends_. _Perhaps the skit professed to be a translation from +Thucydides_, _inimitable in its way_, _applied to Johnians in their +successes or defeats on the river_, _or it was the_ ‘_Prospectus of the +Great Split Society_,’ _attacking those who wished to form narrow or +domineering parties in the College_, _or it was a very striking poem on +Napoleon in St. Helena_, _or it was a play dealing with a visit to the +Paris Exhibition_, _which he sent to_ PUNCH, _and which_, _strange to +say_, _the editor never inserted_, _or it was an examination paper set to +a gyp of a most amusing and clever character_.” _One at least of the +pieces mentioned by Canon McCormick has unfortunately disappeared_. +_Those that have survived are here published for what they are worth_. +_There is no necessity to apologise for their faults and deficiencies_, +_which do not_, _I think_, _obscure their value as documents illustrating +the development of that gift of irony which Butler was afterwards to +wield with such brilliant mastery_. ‘_Napoleon at St. Helena_’ _and_ +‘_The Shield of Achilles_’ _have already appeared in_ THE EAGLE, +_December_, 1902; _the_ “_Translation from Herodotus_,” “_The Shield of +Achilles_,” “_The Two Deans II_,” _and_ “_On the Italian Priesthood_,” +_in_ THE NOTE-BOOKS OF SAMUEL BUTLER; _the_ “_Prospectus of the Great +Split Society_” _and_ “_A Skit on Examinations_” _in_ THE EAGLE, _June_, +1913. + +AND the Johnians practise their tub in the following manner: They select +eight of the most serviceable freshmen and put these into a boat, and to +each one of them they give an oar; and having told them to look at the +backs of the men before them they make them bend forward as far as they +can and at the same moment, and having put the end of the oar into the +water pull it back again in to them about the bottom of the ribs; and if +any of them does not do this or looks about him away from the back of the +man before him they curse him in the most terrible manner, but if he does +what he is bidden they immediately cry out: + +“Well pulled, number so-and-so.” + +For they do not call them by their names but by certain numbers, each man +of them having a number allotted to him in accordance with his place in +the boat, and the first man they call stroke, but the last man bow; and +when they have done this for about fifty miles they come home again, and +the rate they travel at is about twenty-five miles an hour; and let no +one think that this is too great a rate, for I could say many other +wonderful things in addition concerning the rowing of the Johnians, but +if a man wishes to know these things he must go and examine them himself. +But when they have done they contrive some such a device as this, for +they make them run many miles along the side of the river in order that +they may accustom them to great fatigue, and many of them being +distressed in this way fall down and die, but those who survive become +very strong, and receive gifts of cups from the others; and after the +revolution of a year they have great races with their boats against those +of the surrounding islanders, but the Johnians, both owing to the +carefulness of the training and a natural disposition for rowing, are +always victorious. In this way then the Johnians, I say, practise their +tub. + + + + +The Shield of Achilles, with Variations + + +AND in it he placed the Fitzwilliam and King’s College Chapel and the +lofty towered church of the Great Saint Mary, which looketh toward the +Senate House, and King’s Parade and Trumpington Road and the Pitt Press +and the divine opening of the Market Square and the beautiful flowing +fountain which formerly Hobson laboured to make with skilful art; him did +his father beget in the many-public-housed Trumpington from a slavey +mother, and taught him blameless works; and he, on the other hand, sprang +up like a young shoot, and many beautifully matched horses did he nourish +in his stable, which used to convey his rich possessions to London and +the various cities of the world; but oftentimes did he let them out to +others and whensoever anyone was desirous of hiring one of the +long-tailed horses, he took them in order so that the labour was equal to +all, wherefore do men now speak of the choice of the renowned Hobson. +And in it he placed the close of the divine Parker, and many beautiful +undergraduates were delighting their tender minds upon it playing cricket +with one another; and a match was being played and two umpires were +quarrelling with one another; the one saying that the batsman who was +playing was out, and the other declaring with all his might that he was +not; and while they two were contending, reviling one another with +abusive language, a ball came and hit one of them on the nose, and the +blood flowed out in a stream, and darkness was covering his eyes, but the +rest were crying out on all sides: + +“Shy it up.” + +And he could not; him then was his companion addressing with scornful +words: + +“Arnold, why dost thou strive with me since I am much wiser? Did I not +see his leg before the wicket and rightly declare him to be out? Thee +then has Zeus now punished according to thy deserts, and I will seek some +other umpire of the game equally-participated-in-by-both-sides.” + +And in it he placed the Cam, and many boats equally rowed on both sides +were going up and down on the bosom of the deep-rolling river, and the +coxswains were cheering on the men, for they were going to enter the +contest of the scratchean fours; and three men were rowing together in a +boat, strong and stout and determined in their hearts that they would +either first break a blood-vessel or earn for themselves the +electroplated-Birmingham-manufactured magnificence of a pewter to stand +on their hall tables in memorial of their strength, and from time to time +drink from it the exhilarating streams of beer whensoever their dear +heart should compel them; but the fourth was weak and unequally matched +with the others, and the coxswain was encouraging him and called him by +name and spake cheering words: + +“Smith, when thou hast begun the contest, be not flurried nor strive too +hard against thy fate; look at the back of the man before thee and row +with as much strength as the Fates spun out for thee on the day when thou +fellest between the knees of thy mother, neither lose thine oar, but hold +it tight with thy hands.” + + + + +Prospectus of the Great Split Society + + +IT is the object of this society to promote parties and splits in +general, and since of late we have perceived disunion among friends to be +not nearly so ripe as in the Bible it is plainly commanded to be, we the +members of this club have investigated the means of producing, fostering, +and invigorating strife of all kinds, whereby the society of man will be +profited much. For in a few hours we can by the means we have discovered +create so beautiful a dissension between two who have lately been +friends, that they shall never speak of one another again, and their +spirit is to be greatly admired and praised for this. And since it is +the great goddess Talebearer who has contributed especially to our +success, inasmuch as where she is not strife will cease as surely as the +fire goeth out when there is no wood to feed it, we will erect an altar +to her and perform monthly rites at her shrine in a manner hereafter to +be detailed. And all men shall do homage to her, for who is there that +hath not felt her benefits? And the rites shall be of a cheerful +character, and all the world shall be right merry, and we will write her +a hymn and Walmisley {239} shall set it to music. And any shall be +eligible to this society by only changing his name; for this is one of +its happiest hits, to give a name to each of its members arising from +some mental peculiarity (which the gods and peacemakers call “foible”), +whereby each being perpetually kept in mind of this defect and being +always willing to justify it shall raise a clamour and cause much delight +to the assembly. + +And we will have suppers once a month both to do honour unto Talebearer +and to promote her interest. And the society has laid down a form of +conversation to be used at all such meetings, which shall engender +quarrellings even in the most unfavourable dispositions, and inflame the +anger of one and all; and having raised it shall set it going and start +it on so firm a basis as that it may be left safely to work its own way, +for there shall be no fear of its dying out. + +And the great key to this admirable treasure-house is Self, who hath two +beautiful children, Self-Love and Self-Pride . . . We have also aided our +project much by the following contrivance, namely, that ten of the +society, the same who have the longest tongues and ears, shall make a +quorum to manage all affairs connected with it; and it is difficult to +comprehend the amount of quarrelling that shall go on at these meetings. + +And the monthly suppers shall be ordered in this way: Each man must take +at least two tablespoonfuls of vinegar, which shall make the wit sharp, +or in default thereof one teaspoonful of pepper and mustard; for the rest +we leave the diet to the management of our stewards and bursars, but +after the cloth has been removed the president shall single out some one +of the company, and in a calm and friendly manner acquaint him with his +faults and advise him in what way he may best amend the same. The member +selected is compelled by the rules to remain silent for the space of +three minutes, and is then to retort and bring up six instances. He is +to call the present members to witness, and all are to take one side or +the other, so that none be neutral, and the mêlée will doubtless become +general, and we expect that much beautiful latent abusive talent will be +developed in this way. But let all this be done with an air of great +politeness, sincerity, and goodwill, at least at the commencement, for +this, when evidently fictitious, is a two-edged sword of irritation. + +And if any grow weak in spirit and retreat from this society, and +afterwards repent and wish again to join, he shall be permitted to do so +on condition of repeating the words, “Oh, ah!” “Lor!” “Such is life,” +“That’s cheerful,” “He’s a lively man, is Mr. So-and-so” ten times over. +For these are refreshing and beautiful words and mean much (!), they are +the emblems of such talent. + +And any members are at liberty to have small meetings among themselves, +especially to tea, whereat they may enjoy the ever fresh and pleasant +luxury of scandal and mischief-making, and prepare their accusations and +taunts for the next general meeting; and this is not only permitted but +enjoined and recommended strongly to all the members. + +And sentences shall be written for the training of any young hand who +wishes to become one of us, since none can hope to arrive at once at the +pitch of perfection to which the society has brought the art. And if +that any should be heard of his own free will and invention uttering one +or more of these sentences and by these means indicate much talent in the +required direction, he shall be waited on by a committee of the club and +induced, if possible, to join us, for he will be an acquisition; and the +sentences required are such as: “I think so-and-so a very jolly fellow, +indeed I don’t know a man in the college I like better than so-and-so, +but I don’t care twopence about him, at least it is all the same to me +whether he cuts me or not.” + +The beauty of this sentence is not at first appreciable, for though +self-deceit and self-satisfaction are both very powerfully demonstrated +in it, and though these are some of the society’s most vehement +supporters, yet it is the good goddess Talebearer who nourisheth the seed +of mischief thus sown. + +It is also strictly forbidden by this society’s laws to form a firm +friendship grounded upon esteem and a perception of great and good +qualities in the object of one’s liking, for this kind of friendship +lasts a long time—nay, for life; but each member must have a furious and +passionate running after his friend for the time being, insomuch that he +could never part for an instant from him. And when the society sees this +it feels comfortable, for it is quite certain that its objects are being +promoted, for this cannot be brought about by any but unnatural means and +is the foundation and very soul of quarrelling. The stroking of the hair +and affectionate embracings are much recommended, for they are so manly. + +And at the suppers and the rites of Talebearer each member is to drop an +anonymous opinion of some other member’s character into a common letter +box, and the president shall read them out. Each member is to defend +himself; the formula for the commencement of each speech being: “I know +who wrote that about me, and it is a very blackguardly thing of him to +say . . . ” + +N.B.—Any number of persons are allowed to speak at the same time. By +these means it is hoped to restore strife and dissension to the world, +now alas! so fatally subjugated to a mean-spirited thing called Charity, +which during the last month has been perfectly rampant in the college. +Yes, we will give a helping hand to bickerings, petty jealousies, +back-bitings, and all sorts of good things, and will be as jolly as +ninepence and—who’ll be the first president? + + + + +Powers + + +BUT, my son, think not that it is necessary for thee to be excellent if +thou wouldst be powerful. Observe how the lighter substance in nature +riseth by its own levity and overtoppeth that which is the more grave. +Even so, my son, mayest thou be light and worthless, and yet make a +goodly show above those who are of a more intrinsic value than thyself. +But as much circumspection will be necessary for thee to attain this +glorious end, and as by reason of thy youth thou art liable to miss many +of the most able and effective means of becoming possessed of it, hear +the words of an old man and treasure them in thy heart. The required +qualities, my son, are easily procured; many are naturally gifted with +them. In order, however, that thou mayest keep them in set form in thy +mind commit to memory the following list of requisites: Love of self, +love of show, love of sound, reserve, openness, distrust. + +The love of self, which shall chiefly manifest itself in the obtaining +the best of all things for thyself to the exclusion of another, be he who +he may; and as meal-times are the fittest occasion for the exercise of +this necessary quality, I will even illustrate my meaning that thou +mayest the more plainly comprehend me. Suppose that many are congregated +to a breakfast and there is a dish of kidneys on the table, but not so +many but what the greater number must go without them, cry out with a +loud voice, immediately that thou hast perceived them: “Kidneys! Oh, ah! +I say, G., old fellow, give us some kidneys.” Then will the master of +the house be pleased that he hath provided something to thy liking, and +as others from false shame will fear to do the like thou wilt both obtain +that thy soul desireth, and be looked upon by thy fellows as a bold +fellow and one who knoweth how to make his way in the world, and G. will +say immediately: “Waiter, take this to Mr. Potguts,” and he taketh them, +and so on, my son, with all other meats that are on the table, see thou +refrain not from one of them, for a large appetite well becometh a power, +or if not a large one then a dainty one. But if thine appetite be small +and dainty see thou express contempt for a large eater as one inferior to +thyself. Or again, my son, if thou art not at a banquet but enterest any +room where there are many met together, see thou take the arm-chair or +the best seat or couch, or what other place of comfort is in the room; +and if there be another power in the room as well as thyself see thou +fight with him for it, and if thou canst by any craft get rid of him an +he be more thickly set than thyself, see that thou do this openly and +with a noise, that all men may behold and admire thee, for they will fear +thee and yield and not venture to reprove thee openly; and so long as +they dare not, all will be well. Nevertheless I would have thee keep +within certain bounds, lest men turn upon thee if thy rule is too +oppressive to be borne. And under this head I would class also the care +and tending of the sick; for in the first place the sick have many +delicacies which those who are sound have not, so that if thou lay the +matter well, thou mayest obtain the lion’s share of these things also. +But more particularly the minds of men being weak and easily overpowered +when they are in sickness, thou shalt obtain much hold over them, and +when they are well (whether thou didst really comfort them or not) they +will fear to say aught against thee, lest men shall accuse them of +ingratitude. But above all see thou do this openly and in the sight of +men, who thinking in consequence that thy heart is very soft and amiable +notwithstanding a few outward defects, will not fail to commend thee and +submit to thee the more readily, and so on all counts thou art the +gainer, and it will serve thee as an excuse with the authorities for the +neglect or breach of duty. But all this is the work of an exceedingly +refined and clever power and not absolutely necessary, but I have named +it as a means of making thy yoke really the lighter but nevertheless the +more firmly settled upon the neck of thy fellows. So much then for the +love of self. + +As for the love of show this is to display itself in thy dress, in the +trimming or in the growth of thy whiskers, in thy walk and carriage, in +the company thou keepest, seeing that thou go with none but powers or men +of wealth or men of title, and caring not so much for men of parts, since +these commonly deal less in the exterior and are not fit associates, for +thou canst have nothing in common with them. When thou goest to thy +dinner let a time elapse, so that thine entry may cause a noise and a +disturbance, and when after much bustling thou hast taken thy seat, say +not: “Waiter, will you order me green peas and a glass of college,” but +say: “Waiter (and then a pause), peas,” and then suffer him to depart, +and when he hath gone some little way recall him with a loud voice, which +shall reach even unto the ears of the fellows, say, “and, waiter, +college”; and when they are brought unto thee complain bitterly of the +same. When thou goest to chapel talk much during the service, or pray +much; do not the thing by halves; thou must either be the very religious +power, which kind though the less remarked yet on the whole hath the +greater advantage, or the thoughtless power, but above all see thou +combine not the two, at least not in the same company, but let thy +religion be the same to the same men. Always, if thou be a careless +power, come in late to chapel and hurriedly; sit with the other powers +and converse with them on the behaviour of others or any other light and +agreeable topic. And, as I said above, under this love of show thou must +include the choice of thine acquaintance, and as it is not possible for +thee to order it so as not to have knowledge of certain men whom it will +not be convenient for thee to know at all times and in all places, see +thou cultivate those two excellent defects of both sight and hearing +which will enable thee to pass one thou wouldst not meet, without seeing +him or hearing his salutation. If thou hast a cousin or schoolfellow who +is somewhat rustic or uncouth in his manner but nevertheless hath an +excellent heart, know him in private in thine individual capacity, but +when thou art abroad or in the company of other powers shun him as if he +were a venomous thing and deadly. Again, if thou sittest at table with a +man at the house of a friend and laughest and talkest with him and +playest pleasant, if he be not perfect in respect of externals see thou +pass him the next day without a smile, even though he may have prepared +his countenance for a thousand grins; but if in the house of the same +friend or another thou shouldst happen to stumble upon him, deal with him +as though thy previous conversation had broken off but five minutes +previously; but should he be proud and have all nothing to say unto thee, +forthwith calumniate him to thine acquaintance as a sorry-spirited fellow +and mean. + +And with regard to smoking, though that, too, is advantageous, it is not +necessary so much for the power as for the fast man, for the power is a +more calculating and thoughtful being than this one; but if thou smokest, +see that others know it; smoke cigars if thou canst afford them; if not, +say thou wonderest at such as do, for to thy liking a pipe is better. +And with regard to all men except thine own favoured and pre-eminent +clique, designate them as “cheerful,” “lively,” or use some other +ironical term with regard to them. So much then for the love of show. + +And of the love of sound I would have thee observe that it is but a +portion of the love of show, but so necessary for him who would be +admired without being at the same time excellent and worthy of admiration +as to deserve a separate heading to itself. At meal-times talk loudly, +laugh loudly, condemn loudly; if thou sneezest sneeze loudly; if thou +call the waiter do so with a noise and, if thou canst, while he is +speaking to another and receiving orders from him; it will be a +convenient test of thine advance to see whether he will at once quit the +other in the midst of his speech with him and come to thee, or will wait +until the other hath done; if thou handle it well he will come to thee at +once. When others are in their rooms, as thou passeth underneath their +windows, sing loudly and all men will know that a power goeth by and will +hush accordingly; if thou hast a good voice it will profit thee much, if +a bad one, care not so long as it be a loud one; but above all be it +remembered that it is to be loud at all times and not low when with +powers greater than thyself, for this damneth much—even powers being +susceptible of awe, when they shall behold one resolutely bent to out-top +them, and thinking it advisable to lend such an one a helping hand lest +he overthrow them—but if thy voice be not a loud one, thou hadst better +give up at once the hope of rising to a height by thine own skill, but +must cling to and flatter those who have, and if thou dost this well thou +wilt succeed. + +And of personal strength and prowess in bodily accomplishment, though of +great help in the origin, yet are they not necessary; but the more thou +lackest physical and mental powers the more must thou cling to the +powerful and rise with them; the more careful must thou be of thy dress, +and the more money will it cost thee, for thou must fill well the +bladders that keep thee on the surface, else wilt thou sink. + +And of reserve, let no man know anything about thee. If thy father is a +greengrocer, as I dare say is the case with some of the most mighty +powers in the land, what matter so long as another knoweth it not? See +that thou quell all inquisitive attempts to discover anything about thine +habits, thy country, thy parentage, and, in a word, let no one know +anything of thee beyond the exterior; for if thou dost let them within +thy soul, they will find but little, but if it be barred and locked, men +will think that by reason of thy strong keeping of the same, it must +contain much; and they will admire thee upon credit. + +And of openness, be reserved in the particular, open in the general; talk +of debts, of women, of money, but say not what debts, what women, or what +money; be most open when thou doest a shabby thing, which thou knowest +will not escape detection. If thy coat is bad, laugh and boast +concerning it, call attention to it and say thou hast had it for ten +years, which will be a lie, but men will nevertheless think thee frank, +but run not the risk of wearing a bad coat, save only in vacation time or +in the country. But when thou doest a shabby thing which will not reach +the general light, breathe not a word of it, but bury it deeply in some +corner of thine own knowledge only; if it come out, glory in it; if not, +let it sleep, for it is an unprofitable thing to turn over bad ground. + +And of distrust, distrust all men, most of all thine own friends; they +will know thee best, and thou them; thy real worth cannot escape them, +think not then that thou wilt get service out of them in thy need, think +not that they will deny themselves that thou mayest be saved from want, +that they will in after life put out a finger to save thee, when thou +canst be of no more use to them, the clique having been broken up by +time. Nay, but be in thyself sufficient; distrust, and lean not so much +as an ounce-weight upon another. + +These things keep and thou shalt do well; keep them all and thou wilt be +perfect; the more thou keep, the more nearly wilt thou arrive at the end +I proposed to thee at the commencement, and even if thou doest but one of +these things thoroughly, trust me thou wilt still have much power over +thy fellows. + + + + +A Skit on Examinations + + +_It should be explained that Tom Bridges was a gyp at St. John’s +College_, _during Butler’s residence at Cambridge_. + +WE now come to the most eventful period in Mr. Bridges’ life: we mean the +time when he was elected to the shoe-black scholarship, compared with +which all his previous honours sank into insignificance. + +Mr. Bridges had long been desirous of becoming a candidate for this +distinction, but, until the death of Mr. Leader, no vacancy having +occurred among the scholars, he had as yet had no opportunity of going in +for it. The income to be derived from it was not inconsiderable, and as +it led to the porter fellowship the mere pecuniary value was not to be +despised, but thirst of fame and the desire of a more public position +were the chief inducements to a man of Mr. Bridges’ temperament, in which +ambition and patriotism formed so prominent a part. Latin, however, was +not Mr. Bridges’ forte; he excelled rather in the higher branches of +arithmetic and the abstruse sciences. His attainments, however, in the +dead languages were beyond those of most of his contemporaries, as the +letter he sent to the Master and Seniors will abundantly prove. It was +chiefly owing to the great reverence for genius shown by Dr. Tatham that +these letters have been preserved to us, as that excellent man, +considering that no circumstance connected with Mr. Bridges’ celebrity +could be justly consigned to oblivion, rescued these valuable relics from +the Bedmaker, as she was on the point of using them to light the fire. +By him they were presented to the author of this memoir, who now for the +first time lays them before the public. The first was to the Master +himself, and ran as follows:— + + Reverende Sir, + + Possum bene blackere shoas, et locus shoe-blackissis vacuus est. + Makee me shoeblackum si hoc tibi placeat, precor te, quia desidero + hoc locum. + + Your very humble servant, + THOMASUS BRIDGESSUS. + +We subjoin Mr. Bridges’ autograph. The reader will be astonished to +perceive its resemblance to that of Napoleon I, with whom he was very +intimate, and with anecdotes of whom he used very frequently to amuse his +masters. We add that of Napoleon. + + THOMAS BRIDGES + + NAPOLEON + +The second letter was to the Senior Bursar, who had often before proved +himself a friend to Mr. Bridges, and did not fail him in this instance. + + BURSARE SENIOR, + + Ego humiliter begs pardonum te becausus quaereri dignitatum + shoeblacki and credo me getturum esse hoc locum. + + Your humble servant, + THOMASUS BRIDGESSUS. + +Shortly afterwards Mr. Bridges was called upon, with six other +competitors, to attend in the Combination Room, and the following papers +were submitted to him. + + + +I + + +1. Derive the word “blacking.” What does Paley say on this subject? Do +you, or do you not, approve of Paley’s arguments, and why? Do you think +that Paley knew anything at all about it? + +2. Who were Day and Martin? Give a short sketch of their lives, and +state their reasons for advertising their blacking on the Pyramids. Do +you approve of the advertising system in general? + +3. Do you consider the Japanese the original inventors of blacking? +State the principal ingredients of blacking, and give a chemical analysis +of the following substances: Sulphate of zinc, nitrate of silver, +potassium, copperas and corrosive sublimate. + +4. Is blacking an effective remedy against hydrophobia? Against +cholera? Against lock-jaw? And do you consider it as valuable an +instrument as burnt corks in playing tricks upon a drunken man? + + * * * * * + +This was the Master’s paper. The Mathematical Lecturer next gave him a +few questions, of which the most important were:— + + + +II + + +1. Prove that the shoe may be represented by an equation of the fifth +degree. Find the equation to a man blacking a shoe: (1) in rectangular +co-ordinates; (2) in polar co-ordinates. + +2. A had 500 shoes to black every day, but being unwell for two days he +had to hire a substitute, and paid him a third of the wages per shoe +which he himself received. Had A been ill two days longer there would +have been the devil to pay; as it was he actually paid the sum of the +geometrical series found by taking the first _n_ letters of the +substitute’s name. How much did A pay the substitute? (Answer, 13_s._ +6_d._) + +3. Prove that the scraping-knife should never be a secant, and the brush +always a tangent to a shoe. + +4. Can you distinguish between _meum_ and _tuum_? Prove that their +values vary inversely as the propinquity of the owners. + +5. How often should a shoe-black ask his master for beer notes? +Interpret a negative result. + + + + +An Eminent Person + + +AMONG the eminent persons deceased during the past week we have to notice +Mr. Arthur Ward, the author of the very elegant treatise on the penny +whistle. Mr. Ward was rather above the middle height, inclined to be +stout, and had lost a considerable portion of his hair. Mr. Ward did not +wear spectacles, as asserted by a careless and misinformed contemporary. +Mr. Ward was a man of great humour and talent; many of his sayings will +be treasured up as household words among his acquaintance, for instance, +“Lor!” “Oh, ah!” “Sech is life.” “That’s cheerful.” “He’s a lively +man is Mr. . . . ” His manners were affable and agreeable, and his +playful gambols exhibited an agility scarcely to be expected from a man +of his stature. On Thursday last Mr. Ward was dining off beef-steak pie +when a bit of gristle, unfortunately causing him to cough, brought on a +fit of apoplexy, the progress of which no medical assistance was able to +arrest. It is understood that the funeral arrangements have been +entrusted to our very respectable fellow-townsman Mr. Smith, and will +take place on Monday. + + + + +Napoleon at St. Helena + + + I see a warrior ’neath a willow tree; + His arms are folded, and his full fixed eye + Is gazing on the sky. The evening breeze + Blows on him from the sea, and a great storm + Is rising. Not the storm nor evening breeze, + Nor the dark sea, nor the sun’s parting beam + Can move him; for in yonder sky he sees + The picture of his life, in yonder clouds + That rush towards each other he beholds + The mighty wars that he himself hath waged. + Blow on him, mighty storm; beat on him, rain; + You cannot move his folded arms nor turn + His gaze one second from the troubled sky. + Hark to the thunder! To him it is not thunder; + It is the noise of battles and the din + Of cannons on the field of Austerlitz, + The sky to him is the whole world disturbed + By war and rumours of great wars. + He tumbled like a thunderbolt from heaven + Upon the startled earth, and as he came + The round world leapt from out her usual course + And thought her time was come. Beat on him, rain; + And roar about him, O thou voice of thunder. + But what are ye to him? O more to him + Than all besides. To him ye are himself, + He knows it and your voice is lovely to him. + Hath brought the warfare to a close. + The storm is over; one terrific crash + Now, now he feels it, and he turns away; + His arms are now unfolded, and his hands + Pressed to his face conceal a warrior’s tears. + He flings himself upon the springing grass, + And weeps in agony. See, again he rises; + His brow is calm, and all his tears are gone. + The vision now is ended, and he saith: + “Thou storm art hushed for ever. Not again + Shall thy great voice be heard. Unto thy rest + Thou goest, never never to return. + I thank thee, that for one brief hour alone + Thou hast my bitter agonies assuaged; + Another storm may scare the frightened heavens, + And like to me may rise and fill + The elements with terror. I, alas! + Am blotted out as though I had not been, + And am become as though I was not born. + My day is over, and my night is come— + A night which brings no rest, nor quiet dreams, + Nor calm reflections, nor repose from toil, + But pain and sorrow, anguish never ceasing, + With dark uncertainty, despair and pain, + And death’s wide gate before me. Fare ye well! + The sky is clear and the world at rest; + Thou storm and I have but too much in common.” + + + + +The Two Deans + + +I + + + WILLIAMS, I like thee, amiable divine! + No milk-and-water character is thine. + A lay more lovely should thy worth attend + Than my poor muse, alas! hath power to lend. + Shall I describe thee as thou late didst sit, + The gater gated and the biter bit, + When impious hands at the dead hour of night + Forbade the way and made the barriers tight? + Next morn I heard their impious voices sing; + All up the stairs their blasphemies did ring: + “Come forth, O Williams, wherefore thus supine + Remain within thy chambers after nine? + Come forth, suffer thyself to be admired, + And blush not so, coy dean, to be desired.” + The captive churchman chafes with empty rage, + Till some knight-errant free him from his cage. + Pale fear and anger sit upon yon face + Erst full of love and piety and grace, + But not pale fear nor anger will undo + The iron might of gimlet and of screw. + Grin at the window, Williams, all is vain; + The carpenter will come and let thee out again. + Contrast with him the countenance serene + And sweet remonstrance of the junior dean; + The plural number and the accents mild, + The language of a parent to a child. + With plaintive voice the worthy man doth state, + We’ve not been very regular of late. + It should more carefully its chapels keep, + And not make noises to disturb our sleep + By having suppers and at early hours + Raising its lungs unto their utmost powers. + We’ll put it, if it makes a noise again, + On gatesey patsems at the hour of ten; + And leafy peafy it will turn I’m sure, + And never vex its own dear Sharpey more. + + + +II + + +SCENE.—_The Court of St. John’s College_, _Cambridge_. _Enter the two +Deans on their way to morning chapel_. + + JUNIOR DEAN. Brother, I am much pleased with Samuel Butler, + I have observed him mightily of late; + Methinks that in his melancholy walk + And air subdued whene’er he meeteth me + Lurks something more than in most other men. + + SENIOR DEAN. It is a good young man. I do bethink me + That once I walked behind him in the cloister; + He saw me not, but whispered to his fellow: + “Of all men who do dwell beneath the moon + I love and reverence most the senior Dean.” + + JUNIOR DEAN. One thing is passing strange, and yet I know not + How to condemn it, but in one plain brief word + He never comes to Sunday morning chapel. + Methinks he teacheth in some Sunday-school, + Feeding the poor and starveling intellect + With wholesome knowledge, or on the Sabbath morn + He loves the country and the neighbouring spire + Of Madingley or Coton, or perchance + Amid some humble poor he spends the day, + Conversing with them, learning all their cares, + Comforting them and easing them in sickness. + + SENIOR DEAN. I will advance him to some public post, + He shall be chapel clerk, some day a Fellow, + Some day perhaps a Dean, but as thou say’st + He is indeed an excellent young man— + +_Enter_ BUTLER _suddenly_, _without a coat or anything on his head_, +_rushing through the cloisters_, _bearing a cup_, _a bottle of cider_, +_four lemons_, _two nutmegs_, _half a pound of sugar and a nutmeg +grater_. + +_Curtain falls on the confusion of_ BUTLER _and the horror-stricken +dismay of the two Deans_. + + + + +The Battle of Alma Mater + + +I + + + THE Temperance commissioners + In awful conclave sat, + Their noses into this to poke + To poke them into that— + In awful conclave sat they, + And swore a solemn oath, + That snuff should make no Briton sneeze, + That smokers all to smoke should cease, + They swore to conquer both. + + + +II + + + Forth went a great Teetotaller, + With pamphlet armed and pen, + He travelled east, he travelled west, + Tobacco to condemn. + At length to Cantabrigia, + To move her sons to shame, + Foredoomed to chaff and insult, + That gallant hero came. + + + +III + + + ’Tis Friday: to the Guildhall + Come pouring in apace + The gownsmen and the townsmen + Right thro’ the market place— + They meet, these bitter foemen + Not enemies but friends— + Then fearless to the rostrum, + The Lecturer ascends. + + + +IV + + + He cursed the martyr’d Raleigh, + He cursed the mild cigar, + He traced to pipe and cabbage leaf + Consumption and catarrh; + He railed at simple bird’s-eye, + By freshmen only tried, + And with rude and bitter jest assailed + The yard of clay beside. + + + +V + + + When suddenly full twenty pipes, + And weeds full twenty more + Were seen to rise at signal, + Where none were seen before. + No mouth but puffed out gaily + A cloud of yellow fume, + And merrily the curls of smoke + Went circling ’thro the room. + + + +VI + + + In vain th’ indignant mayor harangued, + A mighty chandler he! + While peas his hoary head around + They whistled pleasantly. + In vain he tenderly inquired, + ’Mid many a wild “hurrah!” + “Of this what father dear would think, + Of that what dear mamma?” + + + +VII + + + In rushed a host of peelers, + With a sergeant at the head, + Jaggard to every kitchen known, + Of missuses the dread. + In rushed that warlike multitude, + Like bees from out their hive, + With Fluffy of the squinting eye, + And fighting No. 5. + + + +VIII + + + Up sprang Inspector Fluffy, + Up Sergeant Jaggard rose, + And playfully with staff he tapped + A gownsman on the nose. + As falls a thundersmitten oak, + The valiant Jaggard fell, + With a line above each ogle, + And a “mouse” or two as well. + + + +IX + + + But hark! the cry is “Smuffkins!” + And loud the gownsmen cheer, + And lo! a stalwart Johnian + Comes jostling from the rear: + He eyed the flinching peelers, + He aimed a deadly blow, + Then quick before his fist went down + Inspector, Marshal, Peelers, Town, + While fiercer fought the joyful Gown, + To see the claret flow. + + + +X + + + They run, they run! to win the door + The vanquished peelers flew; + They left the sergeant’s hat behind, + And the lecturer’s surtout: + Now by our Lady Margaret, + It was a goodly sight, + To see that routed multitude + Swept down the tide of flight. + + + +XI + + + Then hurrah! for gallant Smuffkins, + For Cantabs one hurrah! + Like wolves in quest of prey they scent + A peeler from afar. + Hurrah! for all who strove and bled + For liberty and right, + What time within the Guildhall + Was fought the glorious fight. + + + + +On the Italian Priesthood + + +_This an adaptation of the following epigram_, _which appeared in +Giuseppe Giusti’s_ RACCOLTA DI PROVERBI TOSCANI (_Firenze_, 1853) + + _Con arte e con inganno si vive mezzo l’anno_ + _Con inganno e con arte si vive l’altra parte_. + + In knavish art and gathering gear + They spend the one half of the year; + In gathering gear and knavish art + They somehow spend the other part. + + + + +Samuel Butler and the Simeonites + + +_The following article_, _which originally appeared in the_ CAMBRIDGE +MAGAZINE, 1 _March_, 1913, _is by Mr. A. T. Bartholomew_, _of the +University Library_, _Cambridge_, _who has most kindly allowed me to +include it in the present volume_. _Mr. Bartholomew’s discovery of +Samuel Butler’s parody of the Simeonite tract throws a most interesting +light upon a curious passage in_ THE WAY OF ALL FLESH, _and it is a great +pleasure to me to be able to give Butlerians the story of Mr. +Bartholomew’s_ “_find_” _in his own words_. + +READERS of Samuel Butler’s remarkable story _The Way of All Flesh_ will +probably recall his description of the Simeonites (chap. xlvii), who +still flourished at Cambridge when Ernest Pontifex was up at Emmanuel. +Ernest went down in 1858; so did Butler. Throughout the book the +spiritual and intellectual life and development of Ernest are drawn from +Butler’s own experience. + +“The one phase of spiritual activity which had any life in it during the +time Ernest was at Cambridge was connected with the name of Simeon. +There were still a good many Simeonites, or as they were more briefly +called ‘Sims,’ in Ernest’s time. Every college contained some of them, +but their head-quarters were at Caius, whither they were attracted by Mr. +Clayton, who was at that time senior tutor, and among the sizars of St. +John’s. Behind the then chapel of this last-named college was a +‘labyrinth’ (this was the name it bore) of dingy, tumble-down rooms,” and +here dwelt many Simeonites, “unprepossessing in feature, gait, and +manners, unkempt and ill-dressed beyond what can be easily described. +Destined most of them for the Church, the Simeonites held themselves to +have received a very loud call to the ministry . . . They would be +instant in season and out of season in imparting spiritual instruction to +all whom they could persuade to listen to them. But the soil of the more +prosperous undergraduates was not suitable for the seed they tried to +sow. When they distributed tracts, dropping them at night into good +men’s letter boxes while they were asleep, their tracts got burnt, or met +with even worse contumely.” For Ernest Pontifex “they had a repellent +attraction; he disliked them, but he could not bring himself to leave +them alone. On one occasion he had gone so far as to parody one of the +tracts they had sent round in the night, and to get a copy dropped into +each of the leading Simeonites’ boxes. The subject he had taken was +‘Personal Cleanliness.’” + +Some years ago I found among the Cambridge papers in the late Mr. J. W. +Clark’s collection three printed pieces bearing on the subject. The +first is a genuine Simeonite tract; the other two are parodies. All +three are anonymous. At the top of the second parody is written “By S. +Butler. March 31.” It will be necessary to give a few quotations from +the Simeonite utterance in order to bring out the full flavour of +Butler’s parody, which is given entire. Butler went up to St. John’s in +October, 1854; so at the time of writing this squib he was in his second +term, and 18 years of age. + + A. T. B. + +I.—_Extracts from the sheet dated_ “_St. John’s College_, _March_ 13_th_, +1855.” _In a manuscript note this is stated to be by Ynyr Lamb_, _of St. +John’s_ (_B.A._, 1862). + +1. When a celebrated French king once showed the infidel philosopher +Hume into his carriage, the latter at once leaped in, on which his +majesty remarked: “That’s the most accomplished man living.” + +It is impossible to presume enough on Divine grace; this kind of +presumption is the characteristic of Heaven. . . + +2. Religion is not an obedience to external forms or observances, but “a +bold leap in the dark into the arms of an affectionate Father.” + +4. However Church Music may raise the devotional feelings, these bring a +man not one iota nearer to Christ, neither is it acceptable in His sight. + +13. The _one_ thing needful is Faith: Faith = ¼ (historical faith) + ¾ +(heart-belief, or assurance, or justification) 1¾ peace; and peace=Ln +Trust - care+joy _n_-_r_+1 + +18. The Lord’s church has been always peculiarly tried at different +stages of history, and each era will have its peculiar glory in eternity. +. . . At the present time the trial for the church is peculiar; never +before, perhaps, were the insinuations of the adversary so plausible and +artful—his ingenuity so subtle—himself so much an angel of +light—experience has sharpened his wit—“_While men slept_ the enemy sowed +tares”—he is now the base hypocrite—he suits his blandishments to all—the +Church is lulled in the arms of the monster, rolling the sweet morsel +under her tongue . . . + + + +II.—_Samuel Butler’s Parody_ + + +1. Beware! Beware! Beware! The enemy sowed tracts in the night, and +the righteous men tremble. + +2. There are only 10 good men in John’s; I am one; reader, calculate +your chance of salvation. + +3. The genuine recipe for the leaven of the Pharisees is still extant, +and runs as follows:—Self-deceit ⅓ + want of charity ½ + outward show ⅓, +humbug ∞, insert Sim or not as required. Reader, let each one who would +seem to be righteous take unto himself this leaven. + +4. “The University Church is a place too much neglected by the young men +up here.” Thus said the learned Selwyn, {269} and he said well. How far +better would it be if each man’s own heart was a little University +Church, the pericardium a little University churchyard, wherein are +buried the lust of the flesh, the pomps and vanities of this wicked +world; the veins and arteries, little clergymen and bishops ministering +therein; and the blood a stream of soberness, temperance and chastity +perpetually flowing into it. + +5. The deluge went before, misery followed after, in the middle came a +Puseyite playing upon an organ. Reader, flee from him, for he playeth +his own soul to damnation. + +6. Church music is as the whore of Babylon, or the ramping lion who +sought whom he might devour; music in a church cannot be good, when St. +Paul bade those who were merry to sing psalms. Music is but tinkling +brass, and sounding cymbals, which is what St. Paul says he should +himself be, were he without charity; he evidently then did not consider +music desirable. + +7. The most truly religious and only thoroughly good man in Cambridge is +Clayton, {270} of Cams. + +8. “Charity is but the compassion that we feel for our own vices when we +perceive their hatefulness in other people.” Charity, then, is but +another name for selfishness, and must be eschewed accordingly. + +9. A great French king was walking one day with the late Mr. B., when +the king dropped his umbrella. Mr. B. instantly stooped down and picked +it up. The king said in a very sweet tone, “Thank you.” + +10. The Cam is the river Jordan. An unthinking mind may consider this a +startling announcement. Let such an one pray for grace to read the +mystery aright. + +11. When I’ve lost a button off my trousers I go to the tailors’ and get +a new one sewn on. + +12. Faith and Works were walking one day on the road to Zion, when Works +turned into a public-house, and said he would not go any further, at the +same time telling Faith to go on by himself, and saying that “he should +be only a drag upon him.” Faith accordingly left Works in the ale-house, +and went on. He had not gone far before he began to feel faint, and +thought he had better turn back and wait for Works. He suited the action +to the word, and finding Works in an advanced state of beer, fell to, and +even surpassed that worthy in his potations. They then set to work and +fought lustily, and would have done each other a mortal injury had not a +Policeman providentially arrived, and walked them off to the +station-house. As it was they were fined Five Shillings each, and it was +a long time before they fully recovered. + +13. What can 10 fools do among 300 sinners? They can do much harm, and +had far better let the sinners seek peace their own way in the wilderness +than ram it down their throats during the night. + +14. Barnwell is a place near Cambridge. It is one of the descents into +the infernal regions; nay, the infernal regions have there ascended to +the upper earth, and are rampant. He that goeth by it shall be scorched, +but he that seeketh it knowingly shall be devoured in the twinkling of an +eye, and become withered as the grass at noonday. + +15. Young men do not seem to consider that houses were made to pray in, +as well as to eat and to drink in. Spiritual food is much more easily +procured and far cheaper than bodily nutriment; that, perhaps, is the +reason why many overlook it. + +16. When we were children our nurses used to say, “Rock-a-bye baby on +the tree top, when the bough bends the cradle will rock.” Do the nurses +intend the wind to represent temptation and the storm of life, the +tree-top ambition, and the cradle the body of the child in which the soul +traverses life’s ocean? I cannot doubt all this passes through the +nurses’ minds. Again, when they say, “Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep +and doesn’t know where to find them; let them alone and they’ll come home +with their tails all right behind them,” is Little Bo-peep intended for +mother Church? Are the sheep our erring selves, and our subsequent +return to the fold? No doubt of it. + +17. A child will often eat of itself what no compulsion can induce it to +touch. Men are disgusted with religion if it is placed before them at +unseasonable times, in unseasonable places, and clothed in a most +unseemly dress. Let them alone, and many will perhaps seek it for +themselves, whom the world suspects not. A whited sepulchre is a very +picturesque object, and I like it immensely, and I like a Sim too. But +the whited sepulchre is an acknowledged humbug and most of the Sims are +not, in my opinion, very far different. + + + + +FOOTNOTES. + + +{207} This was called to my attention by a distinguished Greek scholar +of this University. + +{233a} The Hauenstein tunnel was not completed until later. Its +construction was delayed by a fall of earth which occurred in 1857 and +buried sixty-three workmen.—R. A. S. + +{233b} Mr. J. F. Harris has identified Butler’s rooms in the third court +of St. John’s College.—R. A. S. + +{239} As Walmisley died in January, 1856, this piece must evidently date +from Butler’s first year at Cambridge.—R. A. S. + +{269} William Selwyn D.D., Fellow of St. John’s Lady Margaret Professor +of Divinity, died 1875.—A. T. B. + +{270} Charles Clayton, M.A., of Gonville and Caius, Vicar of Holy +Trinity, Cambridge, 1851–65. Died 1883.—A. T. 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