1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198
199
200
201
202
203
204
205
206
207
208
209
210
211
212
213
214
215
216
217
218
219
220
221
222
223
224
225
226
227
228
229
230
231
232
233
234
235
236
237
238
239
240
241
242
243
244
245
246
247
248
249
250
251
252
253
254
255
256
257
258
259
260
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275
276
277
278
279
280
281
282
283
284
285
286
287
288
289
290
291
292
293
294
295
296
297
298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
307
308
309
310
311
312
313
314
315
316
317
318
319
320
321
322
323
324
325
326
327
328
329
330
331
332
333
334
335
336
337
338
339
340
341
342
343
344
345
346
347
348
349
350
351
352
353
354
355
356
357
358
359
360
361
362
363
364
365
366
367
368
369
370
371
372
373
374
375
376
377
378
379
380
381
382
383
384
385
386
387
388
389
390
391
392
393
394
395
396
397
398
399
400
401
402
403
404
405
406
407
408
409
410
411
412
413
414
415
416
417
418
419
420
421
422
423
424
425
426
427
428
429
430
431
432
433
434
435
436
437
438
439
440
441
442
443
444
445
446
447
448
449
450
451
452
453
454
455
456
457
458
459
460
461
462
463
464
465
466
467
468
469
470
471
472
473
474
475
476
477
478
479
480
481
482
483
484
485
486
487
488
489
490
491
492
493
494
495
496
497
498
499
500
501
502
503
504
505
506
507
508
509
510
511
512
513
514
515
516
517
518
519
520
521
522
523
524
525
526
527
528
529
530
531
532
533
534
535
536
537
538
539
540
541
542
543
544
545
546
547
548
549
550
551
552
553
554
555
556
557
558
559
560
561
562
563
564
565
566
567
568
569
570
571
572
573
574
575
576
577
578
579
580
581
582
583
584
585
586
587
588
589
590
591
592
593
594
595
596
597
598
599
600
601
602
603
604
605
606
607
608
609
610
611
612
613
614
615
616
617
618
619
620
621
622
623
624
625
626
627
628
629
630
631
632
633
634
635
636
637
638
639
640
641
642
643
644
645
646
647
648
649
650
651
652
653
654
655
656
657
658
659
660
661
662
663
664
665
666
667
668
669
670
671
672
673
674
675
676
677
678
679
680
681
682
683
684
685
686
687
688
689
690
691
692
693
694
695
696
697
698
699
700
701
702
703
704
705
706
707
708
709
710
711
712
713
714
715
716
717
718
719
720
721
722
723
724
725
726
727
728
729
730
731
732
733
734
735
736
737
738
739
740
741
742
743
744
745
746
747
748
749
750
751
752
753
754
755
756
757
758
759
760
761
762
763
764
765
766
767
768
769
770
771
772
773
774
775
776
777
778
779
780
781
782
783
784
785
786
787
788
789
790
791
792
793
794
795
796
797
798
799
800
801
802
803
804
805
806
807
808
809
810
811
812
813
814
815
816
817
818
819
820
821
822
823
824
825
826
827
828
829
830
831
832
833
834
835
836
837
838
839
840
841
842
843
844
845
846
847
848
849
850
851
852
853
854
855
856
857
858
859
860
861
862
863
864
865
866
867
868
869
870
871
872
873
874
875
876
877
878
879
880
881
882
883
884
885
886
887
888
889
890
891
892
893
894
895
896
897
898
899
900
901
902
903
904
905
906
907
908
909
910
911
912
913
914
915
916
917
918
919
920
921
922
923
924
925
926
927
928
929
930
931
932
933
934
935
936
937
938
939
940
941
942
943
944
945
946
947
948
949
950
951
952
953
954
955
956
957
958
959
960
961
962
963
964
965
966
967
968
969
970
971
972
973
974
975
976
977
978
979
980
981
982
983
984
985
986
987
988
989
990
991
992
993
994
995
996
997
998
999
1000
1001
1002
1003
1004
1005
1006
1007
1008
1009
1010
1011
1012
1013
1014
1015
1016
1017
1018
1019
1020
1021
1022
1023
1024
1025
1026
1027
1028
1029
1030
1031
1032
1033
1034
1035
1036
1037
1038
1039
1040
1041
1042
1043
1044
1045
1046
1047
1048
1049
1050
1051
1052
1053
1054
1055
1056
1057
1058
1059
1060
1061
1062
1063
1064
1065
1066
1067
1068
1069
1070
1071
1072
1073
1074
1075
1076
1077
1078
1079
1080
1081
1082
1083
1084
1085
1086
1087
1088
1089
1090
1091
1092
1093
1094
1095
1096
1097
1098
1099
1100
1101
1102
1103
1104
1105
1106
1107
1108
1109
1110
1111
1112
1113
1114
1115
1116
1117
1118
1119
1120
1121
1122
1123
1124
1125
1126
1127
1128
1129
1130
1131
1132
1133
1134
1135
1136
1137
1138
1139
1140
1141
1142
1143
1144
1145
1146
1147
1148
1149
1150
1151
1152
1153
1154
1155
1156
1157
1158
1159
1160
1161
1162
1163
1164
1165
1166
1167
1168
1169
1170
1171
1172
1173
1174
1175
1176
1177
1178
1179
1180
1181
1182
1183
1184
1185
1186
1187
1188
1189
1190
1191
1192
1193
1194
1195
1196
1197
1198
1199
1200
1201
1202
1203
1204
1205
1206
1207
1208
1209
1210
1211
1212
1213
1214
1215
1216
1217
1218
1219
1220
1221
1222
1223
1224
1225
1226
1227
1228
1229
1230
1231
1232
1233
1234
1235
1236
1237
1238
1239
1240
1241
1242
1243
1244
1245
1246
1247
1248
1249
1250
1251
1252
1253
1254
1255
1256
1257
1258
1259
1260
1261
1262
1263
1264
1265
1266
1267
1268
1269
1270
1271
1272
1273
1274
1275
1276
1277
1278
1279
1280
1281
1282
1283
1284
1285
1286
1287
1288
1289
1290
1291
1292
1293
1294
1295
1296
1297
1298
1299
1300
1301
1302
1303
1304
1305
1306
1307
1308
1309
1310
1311
1312
1313
1314
1315
1316
1317
1318
1319
1320
1321
1322
1323
1324
1325
1326
1327
1328
1329
1330
1331
1332
1333
1334
1335
1336
1337
1338
1339
1340
1341
1342
1343
1344
1345
1346
1347
1348
1349
1350
1351
1352
1353
1354
1355
1356
1357
1358
1359
1360
1361
1362
1363
1364
1365
1366
1367
1368
1369
1370
1371
1372
1373
1374
1375
1376
1377
1378
1379
1380
1381
1382
1383
1384
1385
1386
1387
1388
1389
1390
1391
1392
1393
1394
1395
1396
1397
1398
1399
1400
1401
1402
1403
1404
1405
1406
1407
1408
1409
1410
1411
1412
1413
1414
1415
1416
1417
1418
1419
1420
1421
1422
1423
1424
1425
1426
1427
1428
1429
1430
1431
1432
1433
1434
1435
1436
1437
1438
1439
1440
1441
1442
1443
1444
1445
1446
1447
1448
1449
1450
1451
1452
1453
1454
1455
1456
1457
1458
1459
1460
1461
1462
1463
1464
1465
1466
1467
1468
1469
1470
1471
1472
1473
1474
1475
1476
1477
1478
1479
1480
1481
1482
1483
1484
1485
1486
1487
1488
1489
1490
1491
1492
1493
1494
1495
1496
1497
1498
1499
1500
1501
1502
1503
1504
1505
1506
1507
1508
1509
1510
1511
1512
1513
1514
1515
1516
1517
1518
1519
1520
1521
1522
1523
1524
1525
1526
1527
1528
1529
1530
1531
1532
1533
1534
1535
1536
1537
1538
1539
1540
1541
1542
1543
1544
1545
1546
1547
1548
1549
1550
1551
1552
1553
1554
1555
1556
1557
1558
1559
1560
1561
1562
1563
1564
1565
1566
1567
1568
1569
1570
1571
1572
1573
1574
1575
1576
1577
1578
1579
1580
1581
1582
1583
1584
1585
1586
1587
1588
1589
1590
1591
1592
1593
1594
1595
1596
1597
1598
1599
1600
1601
1602
1603
1604
1605
1606
1607
1608
1609
1610
1611
1612
1613
1614
1615
1616
1617
1618
1619
1620
1621
1622
1623
1624
1625
1626
1627
1628
1629
1630
1631
1632
1633
1634
1635
1636
1637
1638
1639
1640
1641
1642
1643
1644
1645
1646
1647
1648
1649
1650
1651
1652
1653
1654
1655
1656
1657
1658
1659
1660
1661
1662
1663
1664
1665
1666
1667
1668
1669
1670
1671
1672
1673
1674
1675
1676
1677
1678
1679
1680
1681
1682
1683
1684
1685
1686
1687
1688
1689
1690
1691
1692
1693
1694
1695
1696
1697
1698
1699
1700
1701
1702
1703
1704
1705
1706
1707
1708
1709
1710
1711
1712
1713
1714
1715
1716
1717
1718
1719
1720
1721
1722
1723
1724
1725
1726
1727
1728
1729
1730
1731
1732
1733
1734
1735
1736
1737
1738
1739
1740
1741
1742
1743
1744
1745
1746
1747
1748
1749
1750
1751
1752
1753
1754
1755
1756
1757
1758
1759
1760
1761
1762
1763
1764
1765
1766
1767
1768
1769
1770
1771
1772
1773
1774
1775
1776
1777
1778
1779
1780
1781
1782
1783
1784
1785
1786
1787
1788
1789
1790
1791
1792
1793
1794
1795
1796
1797
1798
1799
1800
1801
1802
1803
1804
1805
1806
1807
1808
1809
1810
1811
1812
1813
1814
1815
1816
1817
1818
1819
1820
1821
1822
1823
1824
1825
1826
1827
1828
1829
1830
1831
1832
1833
1834
1835
1836
1837
1838
1839
1840
1841
1842
1843
1844
1845
1846
1847
1848
1849
1850
1851
1852
1853
1854
1855
1856
1857
1858
1859
1860
1861
1862
1863
1864
1865
1866
1867
1868
1869
1870
1871
1872
1873
1874
1875
1876
1877
1878
1879
1880
1881
1882
1883
1884
1885
1886
1887
1888
1889
1890
1891
1892
1893
1894
1895
1896
1897
1898
1899
1900
1901
1902
1903
1904
1905
1906
1907
1908
1909
1910
1911
1912
1913
1914
1915
1916
1917
1918
1919
1920
1921
1922
1923
1924
1925
1926
1927
1928
1929
1930
1931
1932
1933
1934
1935
1936
1937
1938
1939
1940
1941
1942
1943
1944
1945
1946
1947
1948
1949
1950
1951
1952
1953
1954
1955
1956
1957
1958
1959
1960
1961
1962
1963
1964
1965
1966
1967
1968
1969
1970
1971
1972
1973
1974
1975
1976
1977
1978
1979
|
Project Gutenberg's A Hand-book of Etiquette for Ladies, by Anonymous
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: A Hand-book of Etiquette for Ladies
Author: Anonymous
Release Date: October 1, 2010 [EBook #33956]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A HAND-BOOK OF ETIQUETTE FOR ***
Produced by Julia Miller and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
produced from images generously made available by The
Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
TranscriberaEuro(TM)s Note
Obvious typographical errors have been corrected. A list of corrections
is found at the end of the text.
TRUE POLITENESS.
A
HAND-BOOK OF ETIQUETTE
FOR
LADIES.
BY AN AMERICAN LADY.
New York:
LEAVITT AND ALLEN.
Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year
1847, by
GEORGE S. APPLETON.
In the Office of the Clerk of the District Court of the United
States in and for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.
CONTENTS.
Introductions 5
Recognitions and Salutations 11
Dress and Fashion 14
Conversation--Tattling 19
Visits and Visiting 26
Receiving Visits 32
Ball-Room--Parties--Dancing 36
Music 43
The Dinner Table 45
Courtship and Marriage 53
Servants 55
Letters and Notes 57
Funerals 59
Cards 60
Presents 61
General Observations 63
TRUE POLITENESS
FOR
LADIES.
INTRODUCTIONS.
I.
Never introduce persons to each other without a knowledge that it will
be agreeable to both parties; this may sometimes be ascertained without
a formal question: very great intimacy with and knowledge of each party
may be a sufficient assurance that the introduction will be agreeable.
II.
The inferior should always be introduced to the superior--ladies take
precedence of gentlemen; you will present the gentleman to the lady,
not the lady to the gentleman.
III.
An introduction at a ball for the purpose of dancing does not compel you
to recognise the person in the street or in any public place; and except
under very peculiar circumstances such intimacies had better cease with
the ball.
IV.
When introducing one to another, mention the name of each distinctly. A
failure to do this is often the cause of much embarrassment. If you have
been introduced, and have not caught the name, it is better to say at
once, aEurooeI beg pardon; I did not hear the name;aEuro it will save much
unpleasant feeling.
V.
As a general rule, avoid all proffers of introduction, unless from those
in whom, from relationship or other causes, you can place implicit
confidence. A lady cannot shake off an improper acquaintance with the
same facility as a gentleman can do, and her character is more easily
affected by contact with the worthless and dissipated.
VI.
Upon a first introduction to a lady or gentleman, make a slight but
gracious inclination of the head and body. The old style of curtsying
has given place to the more easy and graceful custom of bowing. It is
ill-bred to shake hands.
VII.
If you meet a lady for the second or subsequent times, the hand may be
extended in addition to the inclination of the head; but never extend
the hand to a gentleman, unless you are very intimate.
VIII.
Bow with slow and measured dignity; never hastily.
IX.
If you wish to avoid the company of a gentleman who has been properly
introduced, treat him with respect, at the same time shunning his
company. But few will mistake you.
X.
If, in travelling, any one introduces himself to you in a proper and
respectful manner, conduct yourself toward him with reserve and dignity,
yet with ease and politeness; and thank him for any attentions he may
render you. If he is a gentleman he will appreciate your behavior; if he
is not, he will be deterred from annoying you. All such acquaintances
cease with the occasion. Converse only upon topics of general interest;
it is necessary only to be civil. If he should betray the least want of
respect, turn from him in dignified silence; a lady by her behavior
always has it in her power to silence the boldest.
XI.
If on paying a morning visit you meet strangers at the house of your
friend and are introduced, it is a mere matter of form, and does not
entitle you to future recognition by such persons.
XII.
Be very cautious of giving a gentleman a letter of introduction to a
lady,--it may be the means of settling the weal or woe of the persons
for life.
XIII.
If you have an introductory letter, do not deliver it yourself, unless
upon cases of urgent business, but send it with your card and the number
of your lodging, enclosed in an envelope, as soon as you have made
yourself comfortable after arriving at your destination.
XIV.
On receiving a letter introducing any person, so soon as convenient
wait upon her, and show such attention as the nature of the introduction
may require: upon meeting the party introduced, you will easily perceive
whether any further INTIMACY will be desirable.
XV.
A lady, who receives a letter introducing a gentleman, may answer it by
a note to the bearer, inviting him to pay a morning or evening visit.
XVI.
When introduced to another lady, you may say, aEurooeI am very happy to make
your acquaintance;aEuro but there are few cases where this remark can be
addressed with propriety to a gentleman. It is a favor for him to be
presented to her, therefore the pleasure is on his side.
RECOGNITIONS AND SALUTATIONS.
XVII.
The superior in rank and station should first salute the inferior.
Therefore, if you meet a gentleman in the street with whom you are
acquainted, recollect that it is your province to recognise him before
he presumes to salute you. Another reason is, he may bow to you, when
you do not recognise him, and there is no remedy; but if you recognise
him first, no _gentleman_ would fail to return the salute. Though
etiquette is quite definite on the subject, it is often waived with
advantage when intimacy, equality of station and circumstances, and a
known appreciation of each other, warrant the liberty.
XVIII.
If a person whom you have met as specified in Nos. IV. and XI., should
presume to salute you, do not recognise the salute, but pass on, and
leave him to suppose that you imagined it was intended for another.
XIX.
On meeting a friend in any public place, do not boisterously salute, or
proclaim her name aloud.
XX.
It is, in general, bad taste for ladies to kiss each other in the
presence of gentlemen, with whom they are but slightly acquainted.
XXI.
It is proper to vary the phraseology of questions concerning anotheraEuro(TM)s
health as much as possible, and to abstain from them entirely toward a
superior or a person with whom we are but little acquainted, as such
inquiries presuppose some degree of intimacy. Custom forbids a lady to
make these inquiries of a gentleman, unless he is very ill or aged.
XXII.
After we are informed of the health of the persons we are visiting, it
is proper to inquire of them in relation to that of their families; and
in case of absence of near relations, if they have heard from them
lately, and if the news is favorable. They on their part usually ask the
same of us.
XXIII.
If in a public promenade you repeatedly pass persons of your
acquaintance, salute them only on the first occasion.
XXIV.
It is unladylike to _cut_ a person; if you wish to rid yourself of any
oneaEuro(TM)s society, a cold bow in the street, and particular ceremony in the
circles of your mutual acquaintance, is the best mode to adopt.
XXV.
Always bow when meeting acquaintances in the street. To curtsy is not
gracefully consistent with locomotion.
DRESS AND FASHION.
XXVI.
The plainest dress is always the most genteel, and a lady that dresses
plainly will never be dressed unfashionably. Next to plainness, in every
well-dressed lady, is neatness of dress and taste in the selection of
colors.
XXVII.
Let your dress harmonize with your complexion, your size, and the
circumstances in which you may be placed: for instance, the dress for
walking, for a dinner or an evening party, each requires a different
style of both material and ornament.
XXVIII.
Avoid the extreme _mode_; and, in adopting the style of your friend, be
careful that it will suit your figure, your complexion, and stature:
the dress which may be adapted to her may be absurd in you.
XXIX.
If your stature be short, you should not allow a superfluity of flounces
upon the skirt of your dress: if you are tall, they may be
advantageously adopted when fashion does not forbid them.
XXX.
A very high head-dress would not be suitable for a very tall or short
person; the latter may venture upon a higher dress than the former. A
person with a short neck should be careful as to the sort of frill she
wears, if she considers one necessary; while a person with a very long
one may relieve the awkwardness of the appearance by judiciously
adopting this article of dress.
XXXI.
A hostess should not dress so richly as when she is a guest: it is good
taste in a lady not to appear to vie with her guests in the richness of
her attire.
XXXII.
Be not ostentatious in the display of jewelry: if, however, you have
superb jewelry, your dress and your establishment should harmonize
therewith, or the world will either not give you credit for their real
worth, or it will charge you with ostentatious extravagance.
XXXIII.
Never wear mosaic gold or paste diamonds; they are representatives of a
mean ambition to appear what you are not, and most likely what you ought
not to wish to be.
XXXIV.
Let your ornaments be, then, more remarkable for their intrinsic worth,
and for the taste with which they are chosen and worn, than for
profusion.
XXXV.
Ladies of good taste seldom wear jewelry in the morning, and when they
do, confine themselves to trinkets of gold, or those in which opaque
stones only are introduced. Ornaments with brilliant stones are unsuited
for a morning costume.
XXXVI.
In large parties do not exhibit any remarkable anxiety for the care of
your dress, nor, if an accident should happen thereto, exhibit peculiar
or violent emotion; if you are so _distraite_, many will believe that
you have exhibited the best portion of your wardrobe.
XXXVII.
Adapt your head-dress, or the style of your hair, to the character of
your face. If you have your own maid, she will soon ascertain what style
suits you best; if, however, you intrust to a _friseur_ this important
portion of your appearance, give him complete directions, or he will
not regard the character of the physiognomy, but arrange your hair
according to the last importation of blocks from Paris or London.
XXXVIII.
Gloves should harmonize with your dress; and must always be clean.
Nothing can be more vulgar than high-coloured gloves: the primrose (and
the white for evening parties) are the most elegant, if your dress will
admit of their being worn.
XXXIX.
Perfumes are a necessary appendage to the toilet; let them be delicate,
not powerful; the Atta of roses is the most elegant; the Heduesmia is at
once fragrant and delicate. Many others may be named; but none must be
patronized which are so obtrusive as to give the idea that they are not
indulged in as a luxury but used from necessity.
XL.
Keep your finger-nails scrupulously clean, and avoid the disagreeable
habit of allowing them to grow to an unnatural length.
XLI.
Singularity of dress and ostentatious ornament are by no means
characteristic of a lady, but their adoption proves a _primAc facie_ case
against the wearer of being a _nouveau riche_ striving after notoriety.
Station and refinement of manner will make those vulgarisms bearable, or
even pleasing; but the parties are then bearable or pleasing in spite
of, not in consequence of them.
CONVERSATION,--TATTLING.
XLII.
Conversation is a difficult art, but do not despair of acquiring it. It
consists not so much in saying something different from the rest, but
in extending the remarks of others; in being willing to please and be
pleased; and in being attentive to what is said and to what is passing
around you. Talking is not conversation, it is the manner of saying
things which gives them their value.
XLIII.
One of the greatest requisites, also, is the art of listening
discreetly. To listen is a delicate piece of flattery, and a compliment
so gratifying as to surely recommend you.
XLIV.
Cultivate a soft tone of voice and a courteous mode of expression.
XLV.
It is better to say too little than too much in company: let your
conversation be consistent with your sex and age.
XLVI.
Cautiously avoid relating in one house any follies or faults you may
hear or see in another.
XLVII.
Never converse with strangers or mere acquaintances upon family
circumstances or differences.
XLVIII.
Do not look for faults in the characters or habits of your friends--the
critic generally likes to communicate her opinions or discoveries--hence
arises a habit of detraction.
XLIX.
Never encourage tattling or detraction; if there were no listeners this
petty vice could not exist; besides, the habit of listening to this sort
of gossip will soon induce you to participate, by similar
communications.
L.
Abjure punning, and exercising even the most refined RAILLERY: the
latter requires both observation and talent, and most people mistake
satire for raillery; the one may be the offspring of a vicious, the
former must be of an enlightened and benevolent mind.
LI.
Do not appear abstracted while another person is speaking; and never
interrupt another by intruding a remark of your own.
LII.
Avoid pedantry and dogmatism. Be not obtrusively positive in the
assertion of your opinions--modesty of speech, as well as manner, is
highly ornamental in a woman.
LIII.
_Double entendre_ is detestable in a woman, especially when perpetrated
in the presence of men; no man of taste can respect a woman who is
guilty of it: though it may create a laugh, it will inevitably excite
also disgust in the minds of all whose good opinions are worth
acquiring. Therefore not only avoid all indelicate expressions, but
appear not to understand any that may be uttered in your presence.
LIV.
Rather be silent than talk nonsense, unless you have that agreeable art,
possessed by some women, of investing little nothings with an air of
grace and interest; this most enviable art is indeed very desirable in a
hostess, as it often fills up disagreeable pauses, and serves as a
prelude for the introduction of more intellectual matter.
LV.
Flattery is a powerful weapon in conversation; all are susceptible to
it. It should be used skilfully, never direct, but inferred; better
acted than uttered. Let it seem to be the unwitting and even the
unwilling expression of genuine admiration, the honest expression of the
feelings.
LVI.
Do not (except with a view to improvement) introduce subjects with
which you are but superficially acquainted. If you should do so with the
idea that all others present are equally or more ignorant than yourself,
you may be very disagreeably undeceived, by some quiet, unpresuming
person, who may have been listening to the development of your
ignorance.
LVII.
Do not use the terms aEurooe_genteel people_;aEuro aEurooeThis, that, or the other, is
very _genteel_.aEuro Substitute for them, aEurooeThey are highly accomplished;aEuro
aEurooehe is a gentlemanly man;aEuro aEurooethat has a gentlemanly appearance;aEuro aEurooeshe has
the manners of a gentlewoman.aEuro
LVIII.
It is not good taste for a lady to say aEurooeYes, Sir,aEuro and aEurooeNo, Sir,aEuro to a
gentleman, or frequently to introduce the word aEurooeSiraEuro at the end of her
sentence, unless she desire to be exceedingly reserved toward the person
with whom she is conversing.
LIX.
Do not introduce proverbs and cant phrases; a well educated lady can
always find words to express her meaning, without resorting to these.
LX.
Never introduce your own affairs for the amusement of the company; such
discussions cannot be interesting to others, and the probability is that
the most patient listener is laying the foundation for some tale to make
you appear ridiculous.
LXI.
It is not contrary to good-breeding to laugh in company, and even to
laugh heartily when there is anything amusing going on; this is nothing
more than being sociable. To remain prim and precise on such occasions,
is sheer affectation. Avoid, however, what is called the aEurooehorse-laugh.aEuro
LXII.
Never laugh at your own remarks; it may be a very agreeable excitation,
but it invariably spoils what you are saying.
LXIII.
If you are a wit, do not let your witty remarks engross the whole
conversation, as it wounds the self-love of your hearers, who also wish
to be heard, and becomes excessively fatiguing.
LXIV.
Do not address persons by the initial of their names; aEurooeMrs. A. says
this;aEuro aEurooeMrs. B. does that;aEuro it is a mark of vulgarity.
VISITS.
LXV.
A ladyaEuro(TM)s visiting card should be of small size, glazed, but not gilt. It
should be engraved in script characters, small and neat, not in German
text or Old English. Never have your card printed; a written card,
though passable, is not perfectly _au fait_. If you write them, never
first draw a line across the card to guide you,--it betokens
ill-breeding.
LXVI.
A morning call should not exceed from a quarter of an hour to twenty
minutes in duration; the most proper time for such visits is between
eleven and two oaEuro(TM)clock; if your friends are people of fashion, from
twelve to three will be the best hours.
LXVII.
If the persons called on be not at home, leave a card for each person to
whom the visit was designed, or beg the servant to mention that you
inquired for so many persons.
LXVIII.
The subjects for conversation should harmonize with the character of
your visit, and prevent your introducing a gay conversation, when
paying a visit of condolence; or subjects requiring deep thought, upon
casual visits or calls of ceremony.
LXIX.
In making friendly calls almost all ceremony should be dispensed with.
They are made at all hours, without much preparation or dressing.
LXX.
Visits of ceremony should be paid after a nearly similar interval has
elapsed from when they were made. People in this way give you notice
whether they wish to see you seldom or often.
LXXI.
Never display the visiting cards you may receive, by placing them in the
frame of your looking-glass. It is usual to have an ornamental
card-basket on the centre table.
LXXII.
If the person you call upon is preparing to go out, or to sit down at
table, you ought, although asked to remain, to retire as soon as
possible. The person visited so unseasonably, should on her part be
careful to conceal her knowledge that the other wishes the visit ended
quickly.
LXXIII.
Ceremonious visits should be short; if the conversation ceases without
being again continued by the person you have come to see, and if she
rises from her seat under any pretext whatever, custom requires you to
make your salutation and withdraw. If other visiters are announced, you
should leave soon after without saying much. If a letter is brought in,
entreat your hostess to read it; she will probably not do so, and this
circumstance will warn you to shorten your visit.
LXXIV.
A lady is at liberty to take either a gentleman or another lady to pay
a morning visit to a friend, without asking permission; but she should
never allow a gentleman the same liberty; if he desires to make any of
his friends known to her, he must first ask if the acquaintance would be
agreeable.
LXXV.
When a lady visits another for the first time, her visit should be
returned within a week.
LXXVI.
If when paying an evening visit you should find a party assembled, enter
as you would otherwise have done, but remain only a few minutes, and
escape in as quiet a way as possible. Let it be known shortly after, in
such a way that it will reach the family, that you were unaware of
company being assembled.
LXXVII.
In calling upon a person staying at a hotel, if she is not at home add
your address to your name, else your visit may be fruitless.
LXXVIII.
When about to be absent a long time, make your farewell visit short,
announcing the fact; if necessary to leave your card, mark on it T. T.
L. or P. P. C. When you return, those upon whom you have called will pay
you the first visit; those whom you have neglected, will properly
conclude the acquaintance is discontinued. If you are married while
abroad, this is especially the case.
LXXIX.
Visits after a party or dinner should be paid within the week.
LXXX.
Upon the death of any member of a family with which you have associated,
visits of condolence should not be _personally_ made until after a week
or two has elapsed.
RECEIVING VISITS.
LXXXI.
In receiving morning visits, lay aside any employment in which you may
be occupied; this will enable you to pay those little attentions, and to
say those elegant but appropriate nothings, which make your guests
immediately at home, and tend to the establishment of your character as
one of _the mode_. When your visiters rise to depart, ring the bell for
a servant to open the street door.
LXXXII.
Avoid all appearance of anxiety; yet let nothing escape your attention.
LXXXIII.
When visitors enter, rise immediately, advance toward them, and request
them to be seated. If it is an elderly person, insist upon his occupying
the arm-chair; if a lady, beg her to be seated on the sofa.
LXXXIV.
In winter the most honorable place is the corner of the fireplace;
therefore, if a married lady enters, offer her that seat. If this place
is occupied by a young lady, she ought to rise and offer her seat to the
other, taking for herself a chair in another part of the room.
LXXXV.
In proportion as the visiter is a stranger, you will rise, and any
persons already there, should do the same. If any withdraw, conduct them
as far as the door of the parlor.
LXXXVI.
As hostess, in your attentions, consider all your guests equal; the
greatest stranger or person of least rank should, if any, receive more
attention than others.
LXXXVII.
If your guests are about to remain on a visit of any length, see before
their arrival that their room is furnished with everything which can
contribute to neatness, and their comfort. Congratulate them upon their
arrival, and express the pleasure it gives you; inquire kindly about the
incidents of their journey, and request them to make your house their
home. Be assiduous in your attentions, and show them every object of
interest about the house and neighborhood.
LXXXVIII.
If your guests express an intention of leaving you, affectionately
endeavor to detain them; if not successful, renew your invitation for
another visit, and express your regret at parting so soon.
LXXXIX.
The art of receiving company can only be acquired by education,
experience, or close observation. Have a determination to act naturally,
not hurried, and let a desire to please be a ruling principle; you will
then generally act correctly.
THE BALL-ROOM.
XC.
Invitations to a ball or evening party should be given in the ladyaEuro(TM)s
name, and answers to such invitations should be addressed to her, cards
of invitation are usually issued from one to three weeks previous to the
entertainment.
XCI.
The hours for the arrival of the guests vary from nine to twelve
oaEuro(TM)clock: in this you will be guided by the usages of the circle in which
you move.
XCII.
Never go early to a public ball; and do not be frequently seen at such.
When you do attend, do not dance from the time you enter the room until
you leave; it may leave the impression that you have few opportunities
of dancing except at such balls.
XCIII.
As the fashion for a ladyaEuro(TM)s dress for a ball is so constantly changing,
it is impossible to prescribe. But we may remark, that the handkerchief
should be aEurooefine as a snowy cobweb,aEuro and perfumed just sufficiently to
render it agreeable. Your gloves should be of white kid, your shoes
small and fitting with the nicest exactness.
XCIV.
When you enter the drawing-room, immediately advance and pay your
respects to the ladies of the house; until this is done, do not
recognise any one you may know. If, as it sometimes happens, the lady is
not in the room when you enter, though the position may be rather
embarrassing if you do not meet any acquaintances, do not show that it
is so, but enter into conversation with your partner or the lady nearest
you, until the lady returns, when you immediately pay your respects;
which should be a little more marked than when paying a morning visit.
XCV.
If possible, do not enter a room alone. If you have no brother or near
relation, you may at any time request a gentleman of your acquaintance,
who has not been invited by the lady of the house, to accompany you.
XCVI.
The lady of the house should dance, if at all, but little, unless there
is a distinguished stranger present to whom it is desirable to pay a
compliment. This is necessary, that you may be enabled to attend to your
guests, and make the evening agreeable to them. If you do dance, you may
select your partner, who should feel honored by the act.
XCVII.
If the hostess intends to dance, it is customary for her to open the
ball: if she does not, the host opens it with the lady of the highest
rank present.
XCVIII.
When a gentleman who has been properly introduced requests the honor of
dancing with you, you will not refuse unless you have a previous
engagement.
XCIX.
At the ordinary public balls, it is desirable to make up a party
sufficiently large to render you independent of the introductions of the
master of the ceremonies, as, in spite of his best efforts,
objectionable individuals will gain access to such. When a party is thus
formed, you can easily and without rudeness refuse to be introduced to
any gentleman, by stating that you are engaged; as of course you would
be to your friends for that evening.
C.
If a gentleman presumes to ask you to dance without an introduction,
you will of course refuse. It is hardly necessary to supply the fair
reader with words to repel such a rudeness; a man must have more than
ordinary impertinence if he was not satisfied by your saying, aEurooeI must
decline, sir, not having the honor of your acquaintance;aEuro and recollect
that his previous rudeness ought to be punished by your refusing to be
introduced.
CI.
Draw on your gloves in the dressing-room, and do not take them off
during the evening, except at supper-time, when it should be invariably
done.
CII.
Let your dancing be quiet and unobtrusive; let your movements in the
dance be characterized by elegance and gracefulness, rather than by
activity and complexity of steps.
CIII.
In giving the hand for aEurooeladiesaEuro(TM) chain,aEuro or any other figures, you
should wear a smile, and accompany it with a polite inclination of the
head in the manner of a salutation.
CIV.
Pay attention to the dance, but not so marked as to appear as if that
attention was necessary to prevent a mistake. A lively manner harmonizes
with the scene; but, to preserve this, it is not necessary to be
boisterous. Refinement of manners has, in woman, an unspeakable charm.
CV.
Recollect that your partner is for the time being your very humble
servant, and that he will be honored by acquiescing in any of your
wishes: for instance, you may wish to promenade, to walk from one room
to another, to join your friends; you may require a jelly, ice, wine, or
any other refreshment; your dress may have become disarranged; in short,
he will feel honored by receiving your commands, and ought to
anticipate your wishes on most of the above, and many more ordinary
occasions. On no account be seen parading a ball-room by yourself.
CVI.
When you are dancing, you will consider yourself engaged to your
partner, therefore not at liberty to hold a flirtation between the
figures with some other gentleman.
CVII.
Do not mistake affectation for refinement: it would be no less an error
than confounding vice with virtue.
CVIII.
Do not make a public room the arena for torturing any simple swain who
_perchance_ may admire you a little more than you deserve. Recollect
that while you are wounding anotheraEuro(TM)s heart you may be trifling with
your own peace.
CIX.
When you leave a party before the others, do so quietly and as little
seen as possible; first making your parting curtsy to the ladies of the
house, if convenient. During the week, make them a visit of thanks, at
which you may converse of the pleasure of the ball, and the good
selection of the company.
CX.
If you are engaged to a gentleman, do not let your attention be paid
exclusively to him--the object of your love should alone perceive it.
CXI.
If you have accepted an invitation, do not fail to keep it unless for
the most unavoidable reasons.
CXII.
The members of an invited family should not be seen conversing often
together at a party.
MUSIC.
CXIII.
Never exhibit any particular anxiety to sing or to play. You may have a
fine voice, have a brilliant instrumental execution; but your friends
may by possibility neither admire nor appreciate either.
CXIV.
If you intend to sing, do not affect to refuse when asked, but at once
accede. If you are a good singer, your prompt compliance will add to the
pleasure of your friends, and to their regard; if you are not the desire
to amuse will have been evinced, and will be appreciated.
CXV.
Do not sing songs descriptive of masculine passion or sentiment; there
is an abundance of superior songs for both sexes.
CXVI.
If you are singing second, do not drag on, nor as it were tread upon the
heels of your _prima_; if you do not regard your friendaEuro(TM)s feelings, have
mercy on your own reputation, for nine out of ten in every party will
think you in the wrong, and those who know that you are singing in
correct time, will believe you ill-natured or not sufficiently mistress
of the song to wait upon your friend.
CXVII.
If playing an accompaniment to a singer, do not forget that your
instrument is intended to aid, not to interrupt: that it is to be
subordinate to the song.
CXVIII.
If nature has not given you a voice, do not attempt to sing, unless you
have sufficient taste, knowledge, and judgment, to cover its defects by
an accompaniment.
CXIX.
Never sing more than one or two songs consecutively.
CXX.
When at concerts or private parties where music is being performed,
never converse, no matter how anxious you may be to do so, or how many
persons you may see doing so; and refrain from beating time, humming the
airs, applauding, or making ridiculous gestures of admiration.
THE DINNER-TABLE.
CXXI.
Invitations to dinner must of course be answered to the lady. Cards of
invitation to a dinner party are usually issued from three days to a
fortnight previous to the entertainment; they should specify the hour of
meeting. The proper number for such a party is somewhat in dispute: the
happy medium may be considered ten.
CXXII.
As persons are necessarily introduced at a dinner party, only such
persons as are known to each other, or who mutually desire to be
acquainted should be invited, except under the circumstances alluded to
in No. I.
CXXIII.
Be punctual to the hour appointed.
CXXIV.
When an invitation is accepted, let nothing but imperative necessity
compel you to break the engagement, or at the last moment to send an
excuse.
CXXV.
When your guests enter, present them to the others, and if any delay
occur, let the conversation be light and on commonplace topics.
CXXVI.
It is usual for the host or hostess to point out to the gentlemen the
ladies they are to conduct to the dining-room, according to some real
or imaginary standard (age or distinction). If persons of distinction
are present, it is desirable that this should be done--of course giving
them precedence.
CXXVII.
The hostess follows her guests to the dining-room, the host having led
the way with the lady of most consideration; the gentleman of the
greatest distinction accompanies the hostess to the dining-room.
CXXVIII.
The hostess takes the head of the table: the seat of honor for a
gentleman is at her right hand; for a lady, it is to the right of the
host.
CXXIX.
Ladies do not wear gloves during dinner.
CXXX.
In the best houses, the operation of carving is performed at the side
tables; _i. e._ the principal joint, or joints, which require strength
in the operation, are there carved.
CXXXI.
Table napkins are indispensable at the dinner table; and silver forks
are now met with in almost every respectable house. Steel forks, except
for carving, are now seldom placed upon the dinner table.
CXXXII.
It is usual to commence with soup, which never refuse; if you do not eat
it, you can toy with it until it is followed by fish; of either of which
never take more than once.
CXXXIII.
When all are seated, send a plate of soup to every one. Do not ask any
one if they will be helped, as every one takes it, of course.
CXXXIV.
Always feed yourself with the fork; a knife is only used as a divider.
Use a dessert spoon in eating tarts, puddings, curries, &c., &c.
CXXXV.
If what you are eating before the dessert has any liquid, sop the bread
and then raise it to the mouth. For articles of the dessert having
liquid, a spoon is usually provided.
CXXXVI.
In helping sauce or vegetables, place them upon the side of the viands
on the plate.
CXXXVII.
If anything is sent you from the host or hostess, do not offer it to any
other person; and when helped do not wait until others are served, but
at once arrange your napkin, and proceed to the important business of
the moment.
CXXXVIII.
In helping a joint, do not overload a personaEuro(TM)s plate; and if game, or
any particularly select dish is placed before you, serve it with
discretion.
CXXXIX.
In helping, wherever a spoon can be conveniently used, it is preferable
to the use of a knife and fork.
CXL.
Fish must be helped with a fish slice: you may carve it more dexterously
by taking a spoon in your left hand.
CXLI.
Soup must be eaten from the side, not the point of the spoon; and, in
eating it, be careful not to make a noise, by strongly inhaling the
breath: this habit is excessively vulgar; you cannot eat too quietly.
CXLII.
In helping soup, recollect that a little more than a ladle full is
sufficient.
CXLIII.
As hostess, do not press people to eat more than they appear inclined
to take, nor force upon them any particular dish which you may think
superexcellent. If any difficulty occurs in carving, you should feel no
diffidence in requesting the gentleman to your right or left to assist
you: it is a part of their duty and privilege.
CXLIV.
Do not ask any one at the table to help you to anything, but apply to
the servant.
CXLV.
The hostess should never send away her plate until all the guests have
finished.
CXLVI.
When you send your plate for anything, leave your knife and fork upon
it. When you have done, place both together on one side of the plate.
CXLVII.
Servants wait at table in white gloves, or have a fine napkin in their
hand, which prevents its contact with your plate.
CXLVIII.
Finger-glasses come on with the dessert; wet a corner of your napkin and
wipe your mouth; then immerse your fingers in the water and dry them
with the napkin.
CXLIX.
As hostess, you will give the signal for retiring by rising from the
table. The time for so doing varies in different companies, and must be
left to your discretion.
CL.
Should your servants break anything while you are at table, do not
appear to notice it. If they betray stupidity or awkwardness, avoid
reprimanding them publicly, as it only draws attention to their errors,
and adds to their embarrassment.
CLI.
During the week which follows the entertainment, each of the guests owes
a visit to the entertainer. Converse about the dinner, the pleasure you
have enjoyed, and of the persons whom you have met there.
CLII.
The mistress of the house should never appear to pride herself regarding
what is on her table, nor confuse herself with apologies for the bad
cheer which she may offer you; it is much better for her to observe
silence in this respect, and leave it to her guests to pronounce
eulogiums on the dinner.
CLIII.
Ladies should not leave the table before the end of the entertainment,
unless from urgent necessity. If it is a married lady, she requests some
one to accompany her; if unmarried, she goes with her mother.
COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
CLIV.
When about to be married send your card with the gentlemanaEuro(TM)s in an
envelope to the circle which you intend to visit. They are usually sent
by your connexions, or your bridesmaid and groomsman, with your
assistance. The ladyaEuro(TM)s should have engraved on it: aEurooeAt home, ----, --th
inst. at -- oaEuro(TM)clock.aEuro They should be sent at least one week previous.
CLV.
The styles of card and envelope are so varied that none are more
fashionable than others. The cards are sometimes united by a white
ribbon, or silken cord.
CLVI.
After marriage you need not retain the whole of your previous
acquaintance; those only to whom you send cards are for the future,
considered in the circle of your visiting acquaintance. The bridegroom
selects those persons among his former associates whom he wishes to
retain as such.
CLVII.
When the married pair receive company call upon them, offer your
compliments, and wish them much happiness in their new sphere. Address
the bride _first_. Do not remain longer than a few minutes, unless it is
an evening party; when, after paying your respects, mingle with the rest
of the company. Retire early from a wedding party.
CLVIII.
Newly married persons should abstain in public from every mark of
affection too conspicuous, and every exclusive attention.
SERVANTS.
CLVIX.
Do not imagine that you will increase your importance by _hauteur_ to
your own or to other peopleaEuro(TM)s servants.
CLX.
At the house of your friend always preface your request to a servant by
the words, aEurooeI would thank you for so and so;aEuro and do not omit the usual
courtesy on receiving it.
CLXI.
Do not scold your servants; you had better turn them away at once. When
they need reproof, give them it in a calm, dignified, and firm manner;
but on no account, if you can possibly avoid it, find fault with them in
the presence of strangers, even though they should let fall the tray
with your best set of china upon it.
CLXII.
If you have only one servant, speak of her by her Christian name; if you
have more, talk of them by the names of their offices, such as nurse,
cook, housemaid, footman, &c., but always address them by their
Christian names.
LETTERS AND NOTES.
CLXIII.
In writing, endeavor to make your style clear, concise, elegant, and
appropriate for all subjects. Avoid repetitions, erasures, insertions,
omissions, and confusion of ideas, or labored construction. If your
letter is to an equal or friend, these blemishes may remain; if
otherwise, it must be commenced again.
CLXIV.
To write on very coarse paper is allowable only for the most indigent;
to use gilt-edged and perfumed paper for letters of business, would be
ridiculous. The very best paper, but plain or without much ornament, is
most to be recommended.
CLXV.
It is extremely impolite to write upon a single leaf of paper, even if
it is a billet; it should always be double, although we write only two
or three lines. Envelopes are now used almost as much as the paper
itself is.
CLXVI.
Use a lofty style towards persons to whom you owe respect; an easy,
trifling, or even jesting style toward a friend, and a courteous style
toward one another generally.
CLXVII.
The date is often necessary to the understanding of many passages of
your letter, therefore never omit it. It may be put at the right hand of
the commencement of the letter, if writing to an equal; but in writing
to a superior, it should be at the end, in order that the title at the
head of the letter may be entirely alone.
CLXVIII.
Seal your communications with wax: bronze or other colors are more
suitable than red; use black wax when in mourning. Let the seal be
small; large ones are in very bad taste.
CLXIX.
Ceremonious notes and social letters should always be in the third
person, and of course not signed.
CLXX.
Letters of introduction should be concise and brief, and enclosed in an
envelope, unsealed.
FUNERALS.
CLXXI.
When any of your acquaintances are deceased, be at the house at not
quite an hour after the time specified, as the procession moves exactly
one hour after the time announced.
CLXXII.
It is optional whether you go to the grave or not; it is customary now,
to go merely to the house, until the procession has moved, when you are
at liberty to return to your ordinary pursuits.
CLXXIII.
Returning cards aEurooeof thanksaEuro after a death for visits of condolence,
implies that the bereaved parties are prepared to receive visiters; it
must, therefore, be with them entirely a matter of feeling, as to how
soon it is done.
CARDS.
CLXXIV.
Never be too punctilious and exacting with regard to the penalties
incurred through mistakes.
CLXXV.
Lose without any exhibition of ill-humor, and win without any symptoms
of exultation.
CLXXVI.
Never lose your temper at cards, and avoid the exhibition of anxiety or
of vexation at want of success. If you are playing whist, not only keep
your temper, but hold your tongue; any intimation to your partner is not
ladylike.
CLXXVII.
Women should never play, unless they can retain the command of their
temper. She who wishes to win a heart or retain one, should never permit
her admirers to behold her at cards, as the anxiety they produce is as
destructive to beauty as to sentiment.
PRESENTS.
CLXXVIII.
LadiesaEuro(TM) gifts to gentlemen should be of the most refined nature
possible; little articles not purchased, but those deriving a priceless
value as being the offering of their gentle skill, such as a trifle from
their needle, or a picture from their pencil. But such offerings, though
invaluable among friends, are not used on occasions of ceremony.
CLXXIX.
In the eyes of persons of delicacy, presents are of no worth, except
from the manner in which they are bestowed. Strive, then, to give them
this value.
CLXXX.
Never give away a present which you have received from another; or at
least, so arrange it, that it may never be known.
CLXXXI.
Endeavor always to present an article which the recipient has not. This
in many cases may be difficult; but where it is possible, it should
always be done. I have known gentlemen to receive half a dozen purses,
only one of which did they use.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS.
CLXXXII.
In entering any public room with a gentleman, let him precede you and
obtain a seat.
CLXXXIII.
If at anotheraEuro(TM)s house you should break anything, do not appear to notice
it. Your hostess, if a lady, would take no notice of the calamity, nor
say, as is sometimes done by ill-bred persons, aEurooeOh! it is of no
consequence.aEuro
CLXXXIV.
Do not beat the aEurooedevilaEuro(TM)s tattoo,aEuro by drumming with your fingers on a
table. Never read in an audible whisper; it disturbs those near you.
CLXXXV.
You should never take the arms of two gentlemen, one being upon either
side.
CLXXXVI.
A lady ought not to present herself alone in a library or museum, unless
she goes there to study or work as an artist.
CLXXXVII.
Perfect order, exquisite neatness and elegance, which easily dispense
with being sumptuous, ought to mark the entrance of the house, the
furniture, and the dress of the lady.
CLXXXVIII.
The most obvious mark of good breeding and good taste is a sensitive
regard for the feelings of others.
CLXXXIX.
Dean Swift, I think, remarks, that good breeding does not consist so
much in the observance of particular forms, as in bringing the dictates
of refined sense and taste to bear upon the ordinary occurrences of
life.
THE END.
TranscriberaEuro(TM)s Note
The following typographical errors were corrected.
Page Error
1 ALLEN, changed to ALLEN.
47 CXXVII changed to CXXVII.
49 CXXXVIII changed to CXXXVIII.
53 in an evnelope changed to in an envelope
End of Project Gutenberg's A Hand-book of Etiquette for Ladies, by Anonymous
*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A HAND-BOOK OF ETIQUETTE FOR ***
***** This file should be named 33956.txt or 33956.zip *****
This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
http://www.gutenberg.org/3/3/9/5/33956/
Produced by Julia Miller and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was
produced from images generously made available by The
Internet Archive/American Libraries.)
Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
will be renamed.
Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules,
set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project
Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you
do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is
subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
redistribution.
*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
http://gutenberg.org/license).
Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic works
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the
collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an
individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in
a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check
the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning
the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked
to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg-tm License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or
distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
that
- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is
owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments
must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
License. You must require such a user to return or
destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
Project Gutenberg-tm works.
- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
of receipt of the work.
- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the
Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with
the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy
is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any
provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists
because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
Foundation
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at
809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact
information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
page at http://pglaf.org
For additional contact information:
Dr. Gregory B. Newby
Chief Executive and Director
gbnewby@pglaf.org
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To
SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
particular state visit http://pglaf.org
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
works.
Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily
keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
http://www.gutenberg.org
This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
|