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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 20:01:35 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/34423-8.txt b/34423-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ef5d25d --- /dev/null +++ b/34423-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4072 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, Jack and the Check Book, by John Kendrick +Bangs, Illustrated by Albert Levering + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Jack and the Check Book + + +Author: John Kendrick Bangs + + + +Release Date: November 23, 2010 [eBook #34423] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK*** + + +E-text prepared by Annie McGuire from scanned images of public domain +material generously made available by the Google Books Library Project +(http://books.google.com/) + + + +Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this + file which includes the original illustrations. + See 34423-h.htm or 34423-h.zip: + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/34423/34423-h/34423-h.htm) + or + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/34423/34423-h.zip) + + + Images of the original pages are available through + the the Google Books Library Project. See + http://books.google.com/books?id=WmoCAAAAYAAJ&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false + + + + + +JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK + +by + +JOHN KENDRICK BANGS + +Illustrated by Albert Levering + + +[Illustration: THE WISH BROUGHT ABOUT THE MOST ASTONISHING RESULTS--See +page 54] + + + + + + + +Harper & Brothers +New York and London +1911 + +Copyright, 1911, by Harper & Brothers + + + + +CONTENTS + + + CHAP. PAGE + I. JACK AND THE CHECK-BOOK 1 + II. THE GREAT WISH SYNDICATE 36 + III. PUSS, THE PROMOTER 74 + IV. THE GOLDEN FLEECE 115 + V. THE INVISIBLE CLOAK 157 + VI. THE RETURN OF ALADDIN 195 + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + + THE WISH BROUGHT ABOUT THE MOST ASTONISHING RESULTS _Frontispiece_ + THE BEANS SCATTERED IN EVERY DIRECTION 7 + THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR 23 + "BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN!" 27 + "A WEEK'S VACATION IN LITTLE OLD NEW YORK" 31 + WITHIN THE ANCIENT HOUSE SAT THE OWNER, RICHARD WILBRAHAM 39 + "BALLYHACK! LAST STATION----ALL OUT!" 51 + WILBRAHAM PAID BEFORE LEAVING THE COURT-ROOM 71 + "I SUPPOSE I COULD SELL YOU, BILL" 79 + "TELL 'EM TO TELL MR. BONDIFELLER THAT I AM TOO BUSY TO SEE HIM" 87 + "GOOD-BYE, JACK" 93 + "THE HANDSOMEST TOWER IN THE WORLD" 99 + "COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED MR. DOBBINS 107 + "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" 121 + "THERE'S THE MONEY, SIR" 131 + POOR GASMERILDA SAT WHITE-FACED 137 + "I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER, GASMERILDA" 141 + "THIS IS THE GREATEST CINCH IN THE HISTORY OF FINANCE" 149 + "DERE ISS SOMEDINGS IN DOT SEADT, ALRETTY YET!" 169 + "THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH MY NERVES" 175 + "HUMPH!" SAID SHE, SCORNFULLY 199 + "THIS IS A HALF-PORTION, SIR," SAID SAMBO 207 + "YOU RUBBED THE LAMP, I BELIEVE?" 213 + "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" THEY DEMANDED 231 + + + + +JACK AND THE CHECK-BOOK + + + + +I + + +Once upon a time a great many years ago there lived a poor woman who, +having invested all her savings in mining shares, was soon brought to +penury and want. She had bought her modest little home and all there was +in it on the instalment plan, and here she was, upon a certain beautiful +morning in late spring, absolutely penniless, and three days off, +staring her in the face, were payments due on the piano, the kitchen +range and even on the house itself. Moreover, the winter had been a +bitter one. Four times had the water-pipes frozen and burst, and a +plumber's bill of appalling magnitude had come in the morning's mail, +with the stern admonition stamped in red letters at the bottom: + + LONG PAST DUE. + PLEASE REMIT. + +The unhappy woman was at her wit's ends to know what to do. She had +tried to sell her shares in "Amalgamated War-whoop," only to find that +that once promising company had passed into the hands of a receiver, and +that there was an assessment, amounting to four times their face value, +due on the shares, so that every possible purchaser to whom she applied +refused to take the stock off her hands unless she paid them five +dollars a share for the service and would guarantee them against the +chance of further loss. All other means of raising the necessary +funds--and she had tried them all--proved equally futile. The +savings-banks would not lend her a penny on a house of which the parlor +floor alone was clear of obligation, and the threat of the piano people +to remove that instrument if the March instalment, now a month over-due, +was not immediately forthcoming rendered that both unsalable and +valueless as security for a loan. + +[Illustration] + +She sat, the perfect picture of hopeless despair, in her rocking-chair, +gazing moodily out of the window, thinking dreadful thoughts, and, it +may be, contemplating the alternative of suicide or marriage with the +village magnate, a miserable villain whom everybody detested, and who, +everybody knew very well, had been instrumental in the ruin of her +deceased husband, a once prosperous haberdasher. But on a sudden her +look of despair faded wholly away and a great light of happiness +illumined her eyes, as up the garden path, whistling merrily as he +strode along, came her son Jack, a lad of fifteen, the comfort and +solace of her lonely days. + +"Dear boy!" she murmured softly to herself as he waved his hand at her, +"he is the only thing I have left that there isn't something due on." + +The boy, entering the room, still whistling, flung his cap up on the +table and kissed his mother affectionately. + +"Well, mother," he said, joyously, "our troubles are over at last." + +Her face beamed an eager inquiry. The sudden, overwhelming happiness of +the news itself deprived her of the power of speech for a moment, and +then with difficulty she gasped out the words: + +"Then you have secured a place with steady wages, my son?" + +Her heart beat wildly as she awaited the answer. + +"No, mother," he replied, promptly. "The only position open to me was +that of private secretary to old Jonas Bilkins, my father's enemy, and +when he found out that I was my father's son he fired me out of his +office." + +"No wonder!" muttered the woman. "He didn't dare let you have access to +his private papers. He knows that every penny he calls his own belongs +by right to us, and once you got hold of his letter-files and secret +documents you could prove it." + +[Illustration] + +"So he said, mother dear," said the boy. "He was brutally frank about +it, and when I told him what I thought of him, and advised him to pick +out a nice, comfortable jail to spend his declining years in, he threw +his check-book at my head." + +"The miserable villain!" groaned the old lady. "Did it hit you?" + +"No, indeed," laughed Jack. "My baseball training helped me out there. I +caught it on the fly and have brought it home with me. Meanwhile, I have +sold the cow." + +"You have?" cried the delighted mother, clasping him warmly in her arms. + +"Yes," said Jack, proudly. "We need not go hungry to-day, mother. I +swapped her off for a pot of beans." + +[Illustration: THE BEANS SCATTERED IN EVERY DIRECTION] + +An awful, despairing silence followed this announcement. The old lady +loved her son beyond everything in the world, but this was too much even +for a mother's love. The idea that a first-class Jersey cow worth not +less than forty-five dollars regarded merely as raw material for the +table, and not taking into account her value as a producer of rich, +creamy milk, should have been bartered for a miserable pot of beans, and +doubtless pickled beans at that, was the last straw of misfortune that +broke the back of the Camel of Maternal Patience, and with certain +phrases of a forceful nature she seized the pot from her son's trembling +hand and flung it with such impetus against the garden wall that it was +shattered into countless fragments, and the beans scattered in every +direction. After this attack of rage she took to her bed, weeping +bitterly. Jack too, stunned by his kind mother's wrath, retired to his +little cot in the attic, and sought relief from his troubles and the +gnawing pangs of hunger in sleep. + +But lo and behold! the following morning a strange thing had happened. +Jack, upon waking early, found his once sunny window obscured by a heavy +growth of leaves, and on dressing rapidly and going into the garden to +see what had caused this strange condition of affairs, was surprised to +find a splendid bean-stalk sprung up during the night, and, what was +still more wonderful, still springing, moving rapidly upward like the +escalator he had once seen upon the elevated railway in New York when +with his father he had visited that wonderful city to inspect the spring +and autumn styles for the haberdashery. + +He gazed at it in wondering amazement, and then the silence was broken. +"All aboard for Ogreville!" cried a squeaky little voice from behind one +of the branches. "Step lively, please! All aboard!" + +Jack, nothing loath for a new experience, immediately seated himself +astride one of the rapidly rising tendrils, and soon found himself +soaring in the upper air, far, far above the earth, upon what he came +subsequently to call his "Aero-Bean." + +"Well, we have you at last," said the squeaky little voice from behind +the leaves, pleasantly. "You may not remember it, my lad, but you once +gave up your strap on a subway train to a tired-looking woman and she +has never forgotten your kindness. It so happens that she was Queen of +the Fairies, and later on she became Chairman of the Board of Directors +of the United States Fairy Corporation of Wall Street. You are now about +to receive your reward. You have Major Bilkins's check-book with you?" + +"Yes," said Jack. "He threw it at me yesterday, and I've had it ever +since." + +"Good!" said the squeaky little voice. "What is the old man's balance?" + +"Three million five hundred and seventy-five thousand four hundred and +fifty-seven dollars," said Jack, reading off the figures slowly, and +gasping at the thought of anybody's having so much money as that on +hand. + +"H'm!" said the squeaky little voice. "It is rather less than I had +thought. However, we can fix that without much trouble. Zeros are +cheap. Just add six of them to that balance." + +"Do you mean add or affix?" asked Jack. + +"Affix is what I should have said," replied the squeaky little voice. +"Get out your fountain pen and tag 'em on." + +Jack immediately obeyed. + +"Now what does it come to?" asked the little voice. + +"Three trillion five hundred and seventy-five billion four hundred and +fifty-seven million dollars," stammered Jack, his eyes bulging with +amazement. + +"That's better," laughed the little voice. "Thus you see, my boy, how +easy it is to make much out of a little if you only know how. Three and +a half trillions is a pretty tidy bit of pocket-money for a boy of your +age. So be careful how you use it, my son. Use it wisely, and all will +be well with you." + +As the voice spoke these words the growing stalk came to a sudden stop, +and the voice added: + +"Ogreville! Last stop! All out!" + +The boy stepped off the stalk, and found himself in a magnificently +broad and fertile country. Great fields of waving grain, numberless +pasturages filled with prize cattle of all sorts, surrounded him on +every hand. Trees heavily laden with rare fruits bordered the highways, +and everything everywhere bore unmistakable evidences of a rare +prosperity. + +"Phe-e-ew!" whistled Jack, blinking with joy at all he saw before him. +"This looks like the land of milk and honey all right. And only twenty +minutes by bean-car from New York! What a chance for corner lots, and an +easy suburb for business men!" + +The lad wandered along for a while, rejoicing in all the beauties of the +wondrous scene, when, coming to a turn in the magnificently laid road, +he perceived not far ahead of him a splendidly built castle, much +resembling a famous city hotel he had once passed on a sight-seeing +coach, and, remembering on a sudden that he had had no breakfast, he +walked boldly up to the main entrance and knocked on the massive bronze +door. A beautiful young girl about his own age answered the summons. + +"I don't know if this is a hotel," said Jack, politely, "but if it is, +might I get a bite here?" + +"I fear you might if my stepfather should happen to see you," replied +the girl with a shudder, her face mantling with a deep luscious red, the +like of which Jack had never seen anywhere save on the petal of a rose +or the cheek of a cherry. + +The silvery tones of her voice thrilled him. + +"Thank you," he said, stepping into the hallway through the open door. +"I shall be very glad to meet your stepfather, and if, while I am +waiting, I might have a couple of scrambled eggs and a cup of coffee--" + +"Oh, go! Do not stay here!" pleaded the girl. "Please go!" + +"I go?" laughed Jack. "And leave you? Never!" + +"But you do not understand," trembled the girl. "My stepfather is an +ogre, and he eats--" + +"I only understand one thing," said Jack, valiantly. "And that is that I +love you with all my heart. I don't care if your stepfather eats--" + +"For my sake then, go!" pleaded the girl. "I too am not unsusceptible to +the dart of love, and for the first time I look upon a spirit I could +honor and obey, but--" + +"Then it is love at first sight for both of us," said Jack, folding her +in his arms. + +It was indeed a blissful moment for both, but alas! it was more than +fleeting, for suddenly there came from an inner room off the great +corridor a terrific voice, roaring: + + "FEE-FO-FI-FOY! + I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A HIGH-SCHOOL BOY. + BE HE REAL OR BE HE FAKE + I'LL GRIND HIS BONES FOR A BUCKWHEAT CAKE." + +"Oho!" cried Jack, springing back. "I think I've heard something like +that before. This is not a hotel, but the castle of that child-eating +ogre--" + +"The very same!" cried the girl, her face blanching with terror. "And, +what is worse, he hasn't had a boy to eat for three weeks. If you truly +love me, I beg you will fly at once." + +"Sorry to be disobliging, but I can't fly, my beloved. I've left my +aeroplane at home. In short, my dear--er--er--what is your name, +sweetheart?" + +"Beanhilda," replied the blushing girl. + +"In short, my dear Beanhilda," Jack resumed, "having no wings, I cannot +fly." + +"Alas!" cried the girl, bursting into floods of tears as the ogre +suddenly appeared in the hallway, and seizing Jack by the collar of his +coat held him high in the air between his thumb and forefinger. "Alas! +it is too late. I shall never get a fiancé past step-papa's +breakfast-table!" + +"No, my child," grinned the ogre, smacking his lips hungrily. "It is not +too late. He is just in time. I have been wanting a couple of poached +boys on toast for three solid weeks, and the butcher has just telephoned +me that there isn't a fresh kid to be had for love or money in any of +the markets." + +"I am sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Ogre," said Jack, as calmly as he +could under the trying circumstances, "but I won't poach well. I'm +half-back on our high-school eleven, and, as a matter of fact, am known +as the toughest lad in my native town." + +A shadow of disappointment crossed the ogre's face. + +"Confound football!" he growled. "I haven't managed to get a tender boy +since the season opened." + +"Moreover," said Jack, seeing that the time for strategy had arrived, "I +didn't come here for your breakfast, I came for mine." + +"By Jove, you shall have it!" cried the ogre, slapping the table with +his fists so hard that the platters and glasses upon its broad surface +jumped up and down. "I like nerve, and you are the only kid I've caught +in forty years that didn't begin to yell like mad the minute I grabbed +him. We'll keep you here and feed you on the fat of the land, until you +have sort of softened up. Sit down, sir, and have your fill. Beanhilda, +get the lad a cup of coffee." + +The ogre placed Jack in a high-chair at his side, and they breakfasted +together like two old cronies, the fair Beanhilda waiting upon them, and +with every passing moment convincing Jack, by her grace, beauty, and +amiability, of the solid fact that he loved her ardently. It was a +terrible sight to see the ogre swallow a whole lamb at one bite, taking +it up by its tail and dropping it into his mouth as if it were no more +than a stalk of asparagus, and consuming not less than fifty-seven +varieties of breakfast food, boxes, wrapping, premiums and all at one +spoonful, but the lad's nerve never deserted him for a moment, and he +chatted away as pleasantly as though breakfasting with ogres was one of +the accustomed operations of his every-day life. + +"This is a great place you have here, Mr. Ogre," he remarked, sipping +his coffee slowly. "Of course, it isn't quite as rich and fertile as my +own little place up in Vermont, and your cattle, though evidently of +fine breed, are hardly what Montana ranch-men would consider first +class. Still--" + +The ogre stopped eating and looked at the speaker with considerable +surprise. + +"You mean to say you can beat this place of mine anywhere?" he +demanded. + +"Well," said Jack, amiably, "of course I don't mean to criticise this +beautiful country. It is very beautiful in its own way, and there is +some evidence of wealth here. I was only saying that next to my place it +comes pretty near to being the finest I ever saw." + +"I guess you'd go a good many miles before you'd see a castle like +mine," said the ogre, with a proud glance around him. + +"I haven't seen your castle yet, sir," said Jack. "But this little +bungalow we are in strikes me as about as cute and comfy a cozy-corner +as I've visited in a month of Sundays." + +"Bungalow?" roared the giant. "You don't call this a bungalow, do you?" + +"Why, yes," said Jack. "It certainly isn't a tent, or a chicken-coop, or +a tool-house, is it? It's mighty comfy anyhow, whatever you call it. I +wouldn't mind owning it myself." + +A glitter came into the ogre's eyes. If this young man were merely +bluffing now was the time to call him. + +"Oh, as for that," said the ogre, with a sarcastic laugh, "you can own +it--that is, you can if you can pay for it. I'll sell." + +Here he winked at the butler as much as to say, "Now we'll see him +flop." But Jack had no intention of flopping. + +"Really?" he said, with a great show of enthusiasm. "Well, this is fine. +I hadn't the slightest idea the place was in the market, but if we can +get together on a figure, I might be tempted. How much?" + +"What would you say to $2,500,000?" demanded the ogre, with a grim +smile. + +"Done!" said Jack. "And cheap at the price." + +Here he drew out the check-book, and drew a check for the full amount to +the order of William J. Ogre, Esq., which he tossed across the table to +the amazed giant. + +"There's your money," he said. "Fork over the deeds." + +The ogre rubbed his eyes, and almost stopped breathing for a moment. + +"H'm!" he muttered, inspecting the check closely. "This looks pretty +good to me. What kind of a book is that, young man?" + +"That?" laughed Jack. "Oh, that's what we call the magic check-book. It +is the kind that all our big financiers use--Mr. Rockernegie, Colonel +Midas, and John Jacob Rothschild, and all the rest of them. It is merely +an ingenious financial contrivance that enables us to avoid contact with +actual money, which is not only vulgar and dangerous to carry in large +quantities, but in some cases is full of germs." The lad went on and +explained to the ogre just how checks were drawn and presented for +payment. + +"It's a pretty nice sort of an arrangement, that," said the ogre, very +much interested, "but suppose you draw out your whole balance, what +then?" + +"All you have to do is to affix a half dozen ciphers to the remainder +before you start the overdraft," said Jack. "For instance, on my way +up here this morning I found that the balance on hand was only +$3,575,457, so, feeling that I should be more comfortable with just a +little more ready money to carry me along, I added those six ciphers you +see on the right-hand side of the figures, bringing the balance up to +$3,575,457,000,000. If you will examine the ciphers under a microscope, +sir, you will note that they have only recently been entered." + +"By thunder!" roared the ogre, glaring at the book enviously. "This is +one of the marvels of the age. Why, armed with a book like that you can +buy anything in sight!" + +"If the other man will sell," said Jack. "By-the-way, would you mind if +I lit my after-breakfast cigarette?" + +"Go ahead! Go ahead! Do anything you darn please," said the ogre, gazing +at him with wonder. + +Jack thereupon drew a check for $500,000, tore it from the book, and +rolled it into a small cylinder, which he filled with some corn-silk he +had in his pocket, and then lit it with another check for a similar +amount. + +The ogre's eyes nearly popped out of his head at such a marvellous +exhibition of resources. + +"It makes an expensive smoke," smiled Jack, settling back to the +enjoyment of the cigarette, "but after all, as long as I have the money, +why not enjoy myself? Will you join me?" + +He took up his pen as though to make another. + +"No, no, no!" cried the ogre, walking agitatedly up and down the floor. +"I--er--I'm afraid it's too soon after breakfast for me. Do you mean to +tell me that such an inexhaustible treasure as this really exists?" + +"There it is, right before your eyes," said Jack. "Suppose we test it. +Think of a large sum of money, tell me what it is, and see if I can't go +you a dollar better." + +"Four hundred millions!" cried the ogre, impulsively. + +"Piker!" ejaculated Jack, with a smile, as he drew his check for +$400,000,001. + +"A billion and a half!" cried the ogre. + +"Now you're beginning to get your pace," laughed Jack. "There's my +check, sir, for $1,500,000,001, according to specifications." + +"That reduces your balance some, though," said the ogre. + +"Yes," said Jack. "It reduces it by $1,900,000,002, leaving me with only +$3,573,574,999,998 on hand, but if I affix six ciphers to that, as I +will now proceed to do, I have, as the figures conclusively show, +$3,575,574,999,998,000,000, or about a squillion more than I had before +I began to draw." + +[Illustration: THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR] + +The ogre collapsed in his chair. The magnitude of these figures appalled +him. + +"Great glory!" he cried. "I didn't know there was that much money in the +world. Can--can anybody work that book?" + +"Anybody who comes by it honestly and without trickery," said Jack. "Of +course, if a man gets hold of it in an unscrupulous way, or goes back on +his bargain, it's as valueless to him as so much waste paper." + +The ogre strode up and down the room, filled with agitation. He had +thought to trick the boy out of his wonderful possession--in fact, to +swallow him whole and then appropriate his treasure, but Jack's +explanation put an entirely new phase on the matter. + +"I suppose you wouldn't part with that book?" he finally asked. + +"Yes," said Jack. "I'll let you have it if you will transfer all your +property irrevocably to your stepdaughter, Beanhilda, and give me her +hand in marriage." + +"It's a bargain!" gulped the ogre, whereupon he summoned his lawyers and +his secretaries, and by noon all his possessions had passed beyond +recall into the hands of Beanhilda. A special messenger was sent down +the bean-stalk to fetch Jack's mother, and that afternoon the happy lad +and the fair Princess of Ogreville were married with much pomp and +ceremony. + +[Illustration: "BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN!"] + +"Bless you, my children!" murmured the ogre, as the irrevocable words +were spoken by the priest, and Jack passed the magic check-book over to +its new owner. "May you live long and happily. As for me, I'm off for a +week's vacation in little old New York." + +[Illustration: "A WEEK'S VACATION IN LITTLE OLD NEW YORK"] + + * * * * * + +"How did you manage it, sweetheart?" whispered Beanhilda in her +husband's ear a few weeks later. "Step-papa had such a penchant for +hard-boiled boys that I feared you were lost the moment he appeared." + +Jack explained the whole history of the magic check-book to her, but +when he had done, his bride grew white. + +"But what if he comes back?" she cried, shuddering with fear. "His +vengeance will be terrible." + +"Have no fear, Beanhilda," Jack answered. "He will not return. Read +that." + +And he handed her an evening paper in which, with rapidly drying eyes, +she read the following: + +SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS FOR PASSING BAD CHECKS + + William J. Ogre, claiming to be a prominent resident of + Ogreville, who was arrested at the St. Gotham Hotel last + Thursday afternoon on a charge of having passed a dozen + bogus checks for amounts ranging from ten to fifteen + thousand dollars apiece, was found guilty yesterday by a + jury in the criminal branch of the United States Circuit + Court. He was sentenced to fifteen years' imprisonment at + hard labor in the Federal Prison at Thomasville, Georgia, on + each of the five different counts, making his prison term in + all not less than seventy-five years. Other indictments are + still pending against him for forgery on the complaint of + Major Bilkins, president of the Suburban Trust Company, of + whose name he was found availing himself in his criminal + transactions. Major Bilkins, when seen last night by a + reporter of this paper, stated his intention of keeping the + shameless operator in jail for the rest of his natural life. + +"I shouldn't sit up for papa if I were you, Beanhilda," said Jack, with +a smile. "It looks to me as if he was going to be detained down-town +late on business." + +And the young couple lived happily forever after. + + + + +II + +THE GREAT WISH SYNDICATE + + +The farm had gone to ruin. On every side the pastures were filled with a +rank growth of thistles and other thorn-bearing flora. The farm +buildings had fallen into a condition of hopeless disrepair, and the old +house, the ancestral home of the Wilbrahams, had become a place of +appalling desolation. The roof had been patched and repatched for +decades, and now fulfilled none of the ideals of its roofhood save that +of antiquity. There was not, as far as the eye could see, a single whole +pane of glass in any one of the many windows of the mansion, and there +were not wanting those in the community who were willing to prophesy +that in a stiff gale--such as used to be prevalent in that section of +the world, and within the recollection of some of the old settlers +too--the chimneys, once the pride of the county, would totter and fall, +bringing the whole mansion down into chaos and ruin. In short, the +one-time model farm of the Wilbrahams had become a by-word and a jest +and, as some said, of no earthly use save for the particular purposes of +the eccentric artist in search of picturesque subject-matter for his +studies in oil. + +[Illustration: WITHIN THE ANCIENT HOUSE SAT THE OWNER, RICHARD +WILBRAHAM] + +It was a wild night, and within the ancient house sat the owner, Richard +Wilbraham, his wife not far away, trying to find room upon her husband's +last remaining pair of socks to darn them. Wilbraham gazed silently into +the glowing embers on the hearth before them, the stillness of the +evening broken only by the hissing of the logs on the andirons and an +occasional sigh from one of the watchers. + +Finally the woman spoke. + +"When does the mortgage fall due, Richard?" she asked, moving uneasily +in her chair. + +"To-morrow," gulped the man, the word seeming to catch in his throat and +choke him. + +"And you--you are sure Colonel Digby will not renew it?" she queried. + +"He even declines to discuss the matter," said Wilbraham. "He contents +himself with shaking it in my face every time I approach his office, +while he tells his office-boy to escort me to the door. I don't believe +in signs, Ethelinda, but I do believe that that is an omen that if the +money is not forthcoming at noon to-morrow you and I will be roofless by +this time to-morrow night." + +The woman shuddered. + +"But, Richard," she protested, "you--you had put by the money to pay +it long ago. What has become of it?" + +"Gone, Ethelinda--gone in that ill-advised egg deal I tried to put +through two years ago," sighed Wilbraham, as he buried his face in his +hands to hide his grief and mortification. "I sold eggs short," he +added. "You remember when that first batch of incubator hens began +laying so prolifically--it seemed to me as though Fortune stared me in +the face--nay, held out her hands to me and bade me welcome to a share +in her vast estates. There was a great shortage of eggs in the market +that year, and I went to New York and sold them by the dozens--hundreds +of dozens--thousands of dozens--" + +He rose up from his chair and paced the floor in an ecstasy of +agitation. "I sold eggs by the million, Ethelinda," he went on, by a +great effort regaining control of himself. "Eggs to be laid by hens +whose great-great-great-grandmothers had yet to be hatched from eggs +yet unlaid by unborn chickens." + +Wilbraham's voice sank to a hoarse, guttural whisper. + +"And the deliveries have bankrupted me," he muttered. "The price of eggs +has risen steadily for the past eighteen months, and yesterday a hundred +thousand of January, strictly fresh, that I had to buy in the open +market in order to fill my contracts, cost me not only my last penny, +but were in part paid for with a sixty-day note that I cannot hope to +meet. In other words, Ethelinda, we are ruined." + +The woman made a brave struggle to be strong, but the strain was too +much for her tired nerves and she broke down and wept bitterly. + +"We have but four hens left," Wilbraham went on, speaking in a hollow +voice. "At most, working them to their full capacity, in thirty days +from now we shall have only ten dozen eggs added to our present store, +and upon that date I have promised to deliver to the International Cold +Storage Company one thousand dozen at twenty-two and a half cents a +dozen. Even with the mortgage out of the way we should still be securely +bound in the clutch of bankruptcy." + +A long silence ensued. The clock out in the hall ticked loudly, each +clicking sound falling upon Wilbraham's ears like a sledge-hammer blow +in a forge, welding link by link a chain of ruin that should forever +bind him in the shackles of misery. Unbroken save by the banging now and +then of a shutter in the howling wind without, the silence continued for +nearly an hour, when the nerve-killing monotony of the ceaseless +"tick-tock, tick-tock" of the clock was varied by a resounding hammering +upon the door. + +"It is very late," said the woman. "Who do you suppose can be calling at +this hour? Be careful when you open the door--it may be a highwayman." + +"I should welcome a highwayman if he could help me to find anything in +the house worth stealing," said Wilbraham, as he rose from his chair and +started for the door. "Whoever it may be, it is a wild night, and +despite our poverty we can still keep open house for the stranger on the +moor." + +He hastened to the door and flung it wide. + +"Who's there?" he cried, gazing out into the blackness of the storm. + +A heavy gust of wind, icy cold, blew out his candle, and a great mass of +sleet coming in with it fell with a dull, sodden thud on the floor at +his feet, and some of it cut his cheek. + +"I am a wanderer," came a faint voice from without, "frozen and starved. +In the name of humanity I beg you to take me in, lest I faint and +perish." + +"Come in, come in!" cried Wilbraham. "Whoever you are, you are more than +welcome to that which is left us; little enough in all conscience." + +An aged man, bent and weary, staggered in through the door. Wilbraham +sprang toward him and caught his fainting form in his strong arms. +Tenderly he led him to his own abandoned chair by the fireside, where he +and his faithful wife chafed the old fellow's hands until warmth had +returned to them. + +"A cup of tea, my dear," said Wilbraham. "It will set him up." + +"And a morsel to eat, I implore you," pleaded the stranger, in a weak, +tremulous voice. "The merest trifle, good sir, even if it be only an +egg!" + +The woman grew rigid at the suggestion. "An egg? At this time when eggs +are--" she began. + +"There, there, Ethelinda," interrupted Wilbraham, gently. "We have two +left in the ice-box--your breakfast and mine. Rather than see this good +old man suffer longer I will gladly go without mine. The fact is, eggs +have sort of disagreed with me latterly anyhow, and--" + +"It is as you say, Richard," said the woman, meekly, as with a hopeless +sigh she turned toward the kitchen, whence in a short time she returned, +bearing a steaming creation of her own make--a lustrous, golden egg, +poached, and lying invitingly upon the crisp bosom of a piece of toast. +It was a sight of beauty, and Wilbraham's mouth watered as he gazed +hungrily upon it. + +And then the unexpected happened: The aged stranger, instead of +voraciously devouring the proffered meal, with a kindly glance upon his +host, raised his withered hands aloft as though to pronounce a +benediction upon him, and in a chanting tone droned forth the lines: + + "Who eats this egg and toast delicious + Receives the gift of three full wishes-- + Thus do the fairy folk reward + The sacrifices of this board." + +A low, rumbling peal of thunder and a blinding flash as of the lightning +followed, and when the brilliant illumination of the latter had died +away the stranger had vanished. + +Wilbraham looked at his wife, dumb with amazement, and she, tottering +backward into her chair, gazed back, her eyes distended with fear. + +"Have I--have I been dreaming?" he gasped, recovering his speech in a +moment. "Or have we really had a visitor?" + +"I was going to ask you the same question, Richard," she replied. "It +really was so very extraordinary, I can hardly believe--" + +And then their eyes fell upon the steaming egg, still lying like a +beautiful sunset on a background of toast upon the table. + +"The egg!" she cried, hoarsely. "It must have been true." + +"Will you eat it?" asked Wilbraham, politely extending the platter in +her direction. + +"Never!" she cried, shuddering. "I should not dare. It is too uncanny." + +"Then I will," said Wilbraham. "If the old man spoke the truth--" + +He swallowed the egg at a single gulp. + +"Fine!" he murmured, in an ecstasy of gastronomic pleasure. "I wish +there were two more just like it!" + +No sooner had he spoken these words than two more poached eggs, even as +he had wished, appeared upon the platter. + +"Great heavens, Ethelinda!" he cried. "The wishes come true! I wish to +goodness I knew who that old duffer was." + +The words had scarcely fallen from his lips when a card fluttered down +from the ceiling. Wilbraham sprang forward excitedly and caught it as it +fell. It read: + + HENRY W. OBERON + Secretary, The United States Fairy Co., + 3007 Wall Street + +"Henry W. Oberon, United States Fairy Company, Wall Street, eh?" he +muttered. "By Jove, I wish I knew--" + +"Stop!" cried his wife, seizing him by the arm, imploringly. "Do stop, +Richard. You have used up two of your wishes already. Think what you +need most before you waste the third." + +"Wise Ethelinda," he murmured, patting her gently on the hand. "Very, +very wise, and I will be careful. Let me see now.... I wish I had ... I +wish I had...." + +He paused for a long time, and then his face fairly beamed with a great +light of joy. + +"I wish I had three more wishes!" he cried. + +Another crash of thunder shook the house to its very foundations, and a +lightning flash turned the darkness of the interior of the dwelling into +a vivid golden yellow that dazzled them, and then all went dusk again. + +"Mercy!" shuddered the good wife. "I hope that was an answer to your +wish." + +"It won't take long to find out," said Wilbraham. "I'll tackle a few +more natural desires right here and now, and if they come true I'll +know that that thunderbolt was a rush message from the United States +Fairy Company telling me to draw on them at sight." + +"Well, don't be extravagant," his wife cautioned him. + +"I'll be as extravagant as I please," he retorted. "If my fourth wish +works, Ethelinda, my address from this hour on will be Easy Street and +Treasury Avenue. I wish first then that this old farm was in Ballyhack!" + +[Illustration: "BALLYHACK! LAST STATION--ALL OUT!"] + +"Ballyhack! Last station--all out!" cried a hoarse voice at the door. + +Wilbraham rushed to the window and peered out into what had been the +night, but had now become a picture of something worse. Great clouds of +impenetrable smoke hung over the grim stretches of a dismal-looking +country in which there seemed to be nothing but charred remnants of +ruined trees and blackened rocks, over which, in an endless line, a +weary mass of struggling plodders, men and women, toiled onward +through the grime of a hopeless environment. + +"Great Scott!" he cried, in dismay, as the squalid misery of the +prospect smote upon his vision. "This is worse than Diggville. I wish to +heaven we were back again." + +"Diggville! Change cars for Easy Street and Fortune Square!" cried the +hoarse voice at the door, and Wilbraham, looking out through the window +again, was rejoiced to find himself back amid familiar scenes. + +"They're working all right," he said, gleefully. + +"Yes," said his wife. "They seem to be and you seem to be speculating as +usual upon a narrow margin. Again you have only one wish left, having +squandered four out of the five already used." + +"And why not, my dear," smiled Wilbraham, amiably, "when my next wish is +to be for six spandy new wishes straight from the factory?" + +Mrs. Wilbraham's face cleared. + +"Oh, splendid!" she cried, joyously. "Wish it--wish it--do hurry before +you forget." + +"I do wish it--six more wishes on the half-shell!" roared Wilbraham. + +As before, came the thunder and the lightning. + +"Thank you!" said Wilbraham. "These fairies are mighty prompt +correspondents. I am beginning to see my way out of our difficulties, +Ethelinda," he proceeded, rubbing his hands together unctuously. +"Instead of dreading to-morrow and the maturity of that beastly old +mortgage, I wish to thunder it were here, and that the confounded thing +were paid off." + +The wish, expressed impulsively, brought about the most astonishing +results. The hall clock began instantly to whirr and to wheeze, its +hands whizzing about as though upon a well-oiled pivot. The sun shot up +out of the eastern horizon as though fired from a cannon, and before the +amazed couple could realize what was going on, the village clock struck +the hour of noon, and they found themselves bowing old Colonel Digby, +the mortgage holder, out of the house, while Wilbraham himself held in +his right hand a complete satisfaction of that depressing document. + +"Now," said Wilbraham, "I feel like celebrating. What would you say to a +nice little luncheon, my dear? Something simple, but good--say some +Russian caviare, Lynnhaven Bay oysters, real turtle soup, terrapin, +canvas-back duck, alligator-pear salad, and an orange brûlot for two, +eh?" + +"It would be fine, Richard," replied the lady, her eyes flashing with +joy, "but I don't know where we could get such a feast here. The +Diggville markets are--" + +"Markets?" cried Wilbraham, contemptuously. "What have we to do with +markets from this time on? Markets are nothing to me. I merely wish that +we had that repast right here and now, ready to--" + +"Luncheon is served, sir," said a tall, majestic-looking stranger, +entering from the dining-room. + +"Ah! Really?" said Wilbraham. "And who the dickens are you?" + +"I am the head butler of the Fairies' Union assigned to your service, +sir," replied the stranger, civilly, making a low bow to Mrs. Wilbraham. + +There is no use of describing the meal. It was all there as foreshadowed +in Wilbraham's gastronomically inspired menu, and having had nothing to +eat since the night before, the fortunate couple did full justice to it. + +"Before we go any further, Richard," said Mrs. Wilbraham, after the duck +had been served, "do you happen to remember how many of your last six +wishes are left?" + +"No, I don't," said Wilbraham. + +"Then you had better order a few more lest by the end of this charming +repast you forget," said the thoughtful woman. + +"Good scheme, Ethelinda," said Wilbraham. "I'll put in a bid for a gross +right away. There is no use in piking along in small orders when you can +do a land-office business without lifting your little finger." + +"And don't you think, too, dear," the woman continued, "that it would be +well for us to open a set of books--a sort of General Wish Account--so +that we shall not at any time by some unfortunate mistake overdraw our +balance?" + +"Ethelinda," cried Wilbraham, his face glowing with enthusiastic +admiration, "you have, without any exception, the best business head +that ever wore a pompadour!" + +Thus it began. A cash-book was purchased and in its columns, like so +many entries of mere dollars, Wilbraham entered his income in wishes, +faithfully recording on the opposite page his expenditures in the same. +The first entry of one gross was made that very night: + + March 16, 19--, Sight Draft on U. S. Fairy Co., 144 + +Before long others followed and were used to such an effect that at the +end of the year, by a careful manipulation of his resources, carefully +husbanding the possibilities of that original third wish, Wilbraham +found that he had expressed and had had gratified over ten thousand +wishes, all of such a nature that the one-time decrepit farm had now +become one of the handsomest estates in the country. A château stood on +the site of the old mansion. Where the barns had been in danger of +falling of their own weight were now to be found rows of well-stocked +cattle-houses and dairies of splendor. The decaying stables had become +garages of unusual magnificence, wherein cars of all horsepowers and +models panted, eager to be chugging over the roads of Diggville, which +by a single wish expressed by Wilbraham had become wondrously paved +boulevards. And in the chicken-yards that had taken the place of the +discouraging coops of other days thousands of hens laid their daily +quota of prosperity for their owner in the plush-upholstered nests +provided for their comfort by Wilbraham, the egg king, for that was what +he had now become. In all parts of the world his fame was heralded, and +hosts of sight-seers came daily to see the wonderful acres of this +lordly master of the world's egg supply. And, best of all, there was +still a balance of forty-three hundred and eighty-seven wishes to his +credit! + +The leading financiers of the world now began to take notice of this new +figure in the realm of effort, for they soon found their most treasured +and surest schemes going awry in a most unaccountable manner. No matter +how much they tried to depress or to stimulate the market, some new and +strange factor seemed to be at work bringing their calculations to +naught, and when it became known to them that the mere expression of a +wish on the part of Wilbraham would send stocks kiting into the air or +crashing into the depths, no matter what they might do, they began to +worry. + +"To-morrow," said John W. Midas, as he talked to Wilbraham and his +friends one evening at the club, "International Gold Brick Common will +fall off thirty-seven points." + +"Not so, Colonel," Wilbraham had retorted. "It will rise seventy +points." + +"Oh, it will, will it? How do you know that?" demanded Midas. + +"Because I wish it," said Wilbraham. + +And on the morrow International Gold Brick, opening at 96-5/8, lo and +behold! closed at 166-5/8, and the friends of Midas who had laughed at +Wilbraham and sold short went to the wall. A half-dozen experiences of a +similar nature showed the former rulers of the financial world that +Wilbraham had now become a force to be reckoned with, and for their own +protection the more eminent among them called a meeting at the home of +Mr. Andrew Rockernegie to consider the situation. There was too much +power in the hands of one man, they thought, although that idea had +never occurred to any of them before. The result of the meeting was that +Colonel Midas was appointed a committee of one to call upon Wilbraham +and see what could be done. + +"You may not be aware of it, Mr. Wilbraham," said the Colonel, "but by +your occasional intrusions into our lines of work you are making finance +an inexact science. Now, what will you take to keep your hands off the +market altogether? Twenty millions?" + +Wilbraham laughed. + +"Really, Colonel Midas," he replied, "I had no idea that you ever did +business on a corner-grocery basis like that. You ought to run a vacuum +cleaner over your brow. I think there are cobwebs in your gray matter. +Why, my dear sir, I can capitalize this gift of mine at a billion, and +pay ten per cent. on every dollar of it every year, with a little melon +to be cut up annually by the stock-holders of one hundred and fifty per +cent. per annum. Why, then, should I sell out at twenty millions?" + +"Oh, I suppose you can have the earth if you want it," retorted Midas, +ruefully. "But all the same--" + +"No, I don't want the earth," said Wilbraham. "If I had wanted it I +should have had it long ago. I'd only have to pay taxes on it, and it +would be a nuisance looking after the property." + +"On what basis will you sell out?" demanded Midas. + +"Well, we might incorporate my gift," said Wilbraham. "What would you +say to a United States Wish Syndicate, formed to produce and sell wishes +to the public by the can--POTTED WISHES: ONE HUNDRED NON-CUMULATIVE +WISHES FOR A DOLLAR. Eh?" + +Midas paced the floor in his enthusiasm. + +"Magnificent!" he cried. "We'll underwrite the whole thing in my +office--bonds, stock, both common and preferred--for say--ahem!--how +much did you say?" + +"Oh, I guess I can pull along on a billion," said Wilbraham. "Cash." + +Midas scratched his head. A glitter came into his eye. + +"You wish to give up control of your gift?" he asked. + +"You are a clever man, Colonel Midas," grinned Wilbraham. "If I had said +'yes' to that question I'd have lost my power. But I'm too old a bird to +be caught that way. You go ahead and form your company, and sell your +securities to the public at par, pay me my billion, and I'll transfer +the business to you, C. O. D." + +"Done!" said Midas, and he returned to his fellow-captains on the +Street. + +Wilbraham was felicitating himself upon a wondrously good stroke of +business, when another caller entered his room, this time unannounced. + +"How do you do, Mr. Wilbraham?" said the stranger, as he mysteriously +materialized before Wilbraham's desk. + +"How are you?" said Wilbraham. "Your face is familiar to me, but I can't +just recall where I have met you." + +"My name is Oberon, sir," said the stranger, "I am the secretary of the +United States Fairy Company. There is a little trouble over your +account, and I have called to see if we can't--" + +Wilbraham's heart sank within him. + +"It--it isn't overdrawn, is it?" he whispered, hoarsely. + +"No, it isn't," said the secretary. + +"By Jove!" cried Wilbraham, drawing a deep sigh of relief, and springing +to his feet, grasping Oberon by both hands. "Sit down, sit down! You +have been a benefactor to me, sir." + +"I am glad you realize that fact, Mr. Wilbraham," said the fairy, +somewhat coldly. "It makes it easier for me to say what I have come +here to say. We did not realize, Mr. Wilbraham," he went on, "when we +awarded you the three original wishes that you would be clever enough to +work the wish business up into an industry. If we had we should have +made the wishes non-cumulative. We were perfectly willing to permit a +reasonable overdraft also, but we didn't expect you to pyramid your +holdings the way you have done until you have practically secured a +corner in the market." + +Wilbraham grinned broadly. + +"I have been going some," he said. + +"Rather," said Oberon. "Your original three wishes have been watered +until we find in going over our books for the second year that they +reach the sum total of three million five hundred and sixty-nine +thousand four hundred and thirty-seven, and that you still have an +unexpended balance on hand of four hundred and ninety-seven thousand +three hundred and seventy-four wishes. The situation is just this," he +continued. "Our company has been kept so busy honoring your drafts that +we are threatened with a general strike. We didn't mind building you a +château and furbishing up your old chicken-farm, and setting you up for +life, but when you enter into negotiations with old John W. Midas to +incorporate yourself into a wish trust we feel that the time has come to +call a halt. The fairies are honest, and no obligation of theirs will +ever be repudiated, but we think that a man who tries to build up a +billion-dollar corporation to deal in wishes on an investment of one +poached egg is just a leetle unreasonable. Even Rockernegie had a trifle +more than a paper of tacks when he founded the iron trust." + +"By ginger, Oberon," said Wilbraham, "you are right! I _have_ rather put +it on to you people and I'm sorry. I wouldn't embarrass you good fairies +for anything in the world." + +"Good!" cried Oberon, overjoyed. "I thought you would feel that way. +Just think for one moment what it would mean for us if the Great Wish +Syndicate were started as a going concern, with a board of directors +made up of men like John W. Midas, Rockernegie, and old Bondifeller +running things. Why, there aren't fairies enough in the world to keep up +with those men, and the whole business world would come down with a +crash. Their wish would elect a whole Congress. If they wished the +Senate out of Washington and located on Wall Street, you'd soon find it +so, and, by thunder, Wilbraham, every four years they'd wish somebody in +the White House with a great capacity for taking orders and not enough +spine to fill an umbrella cover, and the public would be powerless." + +Wilbraham gazed thoughtfully out of the window. A dazzling prospect of +imperial proportions loomed up before his vision, and the temptation was +terrible, but in the end common sense came to the rescue. + +"It would be a terrible nuisance," he muttered to himself, and then +turning to Oberon he asked: "What is your proposition?" + +"A compromise," said the fairy. "If you'll give up your right to further +wishes on our account we will place you in a position where, for the +rest of your natural life, you will always have four dollars more than +you need, and in addition to that, as a compliment to Mrs. Wilbraham, +she can have everything she wants." + +"Ha!" said Wilbraham, dubiously. "I--I don't think I'd like that +exactly. She might want something I didn't want her to have." + +"Very well, then," said the fairy, with a broad smile. "We'll make you +the flat proposition--you give us a quit-claim deed to all your future +right, title, and interest in our wishes, and we will guarantee that as +long as you live you will, upon every occasion, find in your pocket five +dollars more than you need." + +"Make it seven and I'll go you!" cried Wilbraham, really enthusiastic +over the suggestion. + +"Sure!" returned Oberon with a deep sigh of relief. + + * * * * * + +"Well, dearest," said Wilbraham that night as he sat down at his onyx +dinner-table, "I've gone out of the wish business." + +His wife's eyes lit up with a glow of happiness. + +"You have?" she cried, delightedly. + +"Yes," said Wilbraham; and then he told her of Oberon's call, and the +new arrangement, and was rejoiced beyond measure to receive her approval +of it. + +"I am so glad, Richard," she murmured, with a sigh of content. "I have +been kept so busy for two years trying to think of new things to wish +for that I have had no time to enjoy all the beautiful things we have." + +"And it isn't bad to have seven dollars more than you need whenever you +need it, is it, dearest?" + +"Bad, Richard?" she returned. "Bad? I should say not, my beloved. To +have seven dollars more than you need at all times is, to my mind, the +height of an ideal prosperity. I need five thousand dollars at this very +minute to pay my milliner's bill." + +"And here it is," said her husband, taking five crisp +one-thousand-dollar bills from his vest pocket and handing them to her. +"And here are seven brand-new ones besides. The fairies are true to +their bargain." + +[Illustration: WILBRAHAM PAID BEFORE LEAVING THE COURT-ROOM] + +And they lived affluently forever afterward, although Midas and his +confrères did sue Wilbraham for a hundred million dollars for breach of +contract, securing judgment for twenty-nine million dollars, the which +Wilbraham paid before leaving the court-room, departing therefrom with +a balance of one five and two one dollar bills to the good. + +And that is why, my dear children, when you see the Wilbraham motor +chugging along the highway, if you look closely you will see painted on +the door of the car a simple crest, a poached egg _dormant_ upon a piece +of toast _couchant_, and underneath it, in golden letters on a scroll, +the family motto, _Hic semper septimus_. + + + + +III + +PUSS, THE PROMOTER + + +Once upon a time, not many years ago, my children, there was a well-known +captain of industry who at his death had no other legacy to leave to his +three sons than fourteen bank accounts, all of them overdrawn, a couple +of automobiles without any tires on their wheels, and an Angora cat +which had taken several prizes at the annual cat show in New York, and +upon more than one occasion had had its picture printed in the society +columns of the Sunday newspapers. + +The eldest son took over the bank accounts, and by the negotiation of +several large checks among his friends, each one dated several months +ahead, had managed to escape to Venezuela with a comfortable fortune, +where, after several revolutions, he found himself in the President's +cabinet as Secretary of the Treasury. He further enriched himself in +this office by the private sale of national bonds to innocent investors, +prior to his departure for Algiers, and became, before his death, a +leading spirit in that interesting colony, and an influential member of +the Missionary Society of East Africa. + +The second son took the automobiles, and with a pot of paint and eight +old life-preservers, relics of the palmy days when his father was a +famous yachtsman, so furbished them up that he was able to sell them f. +o. b. to a couple of farmers in central Connecticut for five thousand +dollars, which he invested in Steel Common when it was sulking along +between 10 and 12 on a margin of five per cent., and, selling out at +84-7/8, he was soon able to retire to the serene joys and quiet +pleasures of the Great White Way, along whose verdured slopes he pranked +and played until paresis called him at the ripe age of twenty-seven +years. But to the youngest son, poor Jack Dinwiddie, by the terms of his +father's will, fell only the residue of the estate after the two +brothers had had their shares; in other words, the Angora cat! + +It was, indeed, a melancholy situation, for poor Jack, like a great many +other sons of men of presumably large wealth, had studied only political +economy at college, and of the domestic variety knew nothing. He was an +honorary member of the Consumers' League, but of the methods of the +Producers' Union he knew little, and here at the age of twenty-two he +found himself fatherless, penniless, and without any visible means of +support in the line of earning capacity. + +"Well, Puss," he said, gloomily, as he gazed at his Angora cat, who was +sitting on top of a pile of unpaid bills in Jack's bachelor apartment, +washing his face with his right paw, "it looks to me as if we were up +against it. The governor has gone to his last account, my allowance has +ceased, and you are the only clear and unencumbered asset in my +possession, barring this last cigarette and two matches loaned to me by +a kind gentleman upon the street to whom I applied recently for a +light." + +He paused and lit the cigarette, while Puss, unmindful of the pathos of +the situation, continued his prinking, giving especial attention to his +whiskers, brushing them upward from his lips until he bore a not very +remote resemblance to the Kaiser himself. + +[Illustration: "I SUPPOSE I COULD SELL YOU, BILL"] + +"I suppose I could sell you, Bill," the young man went on. "Angora cats, +with a pedigree dating back to Dick Whittington's time and a bunch of +blue ribbons big enough to supply every prohibitionist in the Union +with a bowknot for the lapel of his coat, must have some market value, +especially in a time like this, when anything resembling beef is worth +its weight in radium; but I won't do it, old man. You've been a mighty +good cat to me, and as long as there is a drop of chalk and water left +in this world you shall have your morning dish of milk." + +It was then that a very singular thing happened. + +"That's all I wanted to know, Jack," purred the cat, jumping to the +floor and rubbing his sleek sides up against his master's leg +affectionately. "If we are not to be separated, it is up to me to show +myself the worthy descendant of a noble and resourceful ancestry. There +is a tradition in our family that no backyard fence has ever been so +hard to climb that we couldn't get over it. Do you know who I am?" + +"Why, yes," said Jack, rubbing his eyes in astonishment, for he had +never heard the cat speak before. "You are Angora Bill, the Champion +Chinchilla of fourteen consecutive annual shows, and the neatest little +ratter that ever lived." + +"I am more than that," replied the cat, proudly. "I am the direct lineal +descendant of the original Puss in Boots, and one of the advance agents +of prosperity." + +Jacked laughed even in his misery. + +"Those days have gone, Puss," he said, wearily. "There are no longer any +fairies to help poor beggars like me out of a hole, Bill--" + +"That's what you think," smiled puss, scratching his left ear with his +right hind-paw; "but, my dear boy, my great-great-great-great-grandfather +was a back-fence piker alongside of myself, who, all unknown to you, am +one of the board of directors of the United States Fairy Company, of +3007 Wall Street, New York. If you will do just what I tell you, my boy, +we shall emerge from this little embarrassment of ours with flying +colors, and spend our declining years in a little onyx bungalow on the +corner of Bond Avenue and Easy Street that will make the Vandergilt +palace up on the Plaza look like a particularly cheap and self-effacing +owl-wagon." + +Jack gazed mournfully at his companion. Surely, he thought, our +misfortunes have driven him crazy. Nevertheless he decided to humor the +creature. + +"What would you have me do, Puss?" he asked. + +"Nothing much," replied the cat. "Just pack your suit-case with your few +remaining collars and other garments, fill your five trunks with Sunday +newspapers and unpaid bills, and move at once into the Waldorf-Astoria, +taking a suite of five rooms and a bath." + +"On nothing?" demanded the astonished youth. + +"You lose less on nothing than you would if you had something to lose," +retorted puss, with a wise air. "Do as I say. Lend me a pair of your +boots, a derby hat, and your fur-lined ulster, and wait for me in your +apartment. Go at once to the hotel, register, and ask if there are any +letters or messages for you, and all will be well. You might register as +Horace Vanderpoel, of Cincinnati, or St. Louis, or any other old place +at a comfortable distance from New York. Let your luggage precede you." + +The cat spoke in a masterful tone that inspired confidence. As he +delivered his instructions he donned his master's boots and fur-lined +overcoat, and then putting the derby hat jauntily upon his head he +sauntered forth. + +"Good-bye, Jack," he said, as he reached the door. "Follow my +instructions to the very last detail, and before long you'll be wearing +diamonds that will make the average incandescent electric light look +like an eclipse." + +Now Jack was a venturesome youth and ready at all times for any kind of +an unusual experience; so, deeply impressed by the mere fact of the +cat's having spoken at all, he decided to follow out his instructions to +the letter. His five trunks, filled to the brim with papers and bills +and any other objects of _virtu_ that came handy, were dispatched at +once to the Waldorf, and in about three hours he himself followed them, +registering in a large, bold hand as Horace Vanderpoel, of Kansas City, +in the hotel book. + +"I want a suite of five rooms and a bath," said Jack. + +"Certainly, Mr. Vanderpoel," said the room-clerk, courteously. "We had +already made a reservation for you, sir. We will give you suite number +forty-two on the first floor." + +"Good!" said Jack. "I wasn't aware that my coming had been heralded--in +fact, I have been wanting to have it kept as quiet as possible. +Important negotiations, you know." + +"We quite understand, Mr. Vanderpoel," said the clerk. + +"Have any letters or telephone messages been received for me?" Jack +demanded. + +"No letters, sir," replied the clerk, "but--Rockernegie's secretary +'phoned us about an hour ago requesting us to ask you to let him know +the minute you arrived--fact is, sir, that is how we came to be on the +lookout for you." + +"Rockernegie, eh?" said Jack, scratching his head with a puzzled air. +"Well," he added with a laugh, "I guess he can wait a bit. Have J. W. +Midas & Co. rung me up yet?" + +"Not yet, sir," said the clerk. + +"Well, I'm going down-stairs to be shaved," said Jack. "If Midas does +ring me up let me know." + +He chuckled as he went down to the barber-shop. + +"Bill is a great cat," he muttered to himself. "Rockernegie! Gee! +Here's hoping he won't forget Midas and Bondifeller." + +He sat down in the barber's chair and was soon richly lathered. The +barber was about to apply the razor, when a small boy clad in a perfect +rash of buttons entered the shop. + +"NUMBER FORTY-TWO, please!" he cried. "Gentleman number FORTY-TWO!" + +"Wait a minute, Barber," said Jack. "That's my number. Here, boy, what +is it?" + +"Wanted on the telephone, sir," said the boy. + +"Find out who it is," said Jack, impatiently. + +"Yes, sir," said the boy. "I have, sir. They told me to tell you, sir, +that Mr. Bondifeller was on the 'phone, sir." + +[Illustration: "TELL 'EM TO TELL MR. BONDIFELLER THAT I AM TOO BUSY TO +SEE HIM"] + +"Oh, is that all?" grinned Jack. "Well, you tell 'em to tell Mr. +Bondifeller that I am too busy just at present to see him. You might +tell him, too, that I haven't anything to add to what I said in my +last letter. If he doesn't like that, the deal is off." + +There was a considerable craning of necks in the neighboring chairs, for +Jack had not thought to address his remarks to the lad in tones +suggestive of a confidential communication. The boy staggered slightly +on his feet, but managed to get away without dropping under the weight +of such a message, and Jack, lying back in his chair, requested the +barber to proceed. + +"Bill is a great cat!" he chuckled. + +"Beg pardon?" queried the barber. + +"I say don't shave me too close," said Jack. + +The shave over, Jack retired to his apartment and found in suite number +forty-two everything that the heart of man could desire, and throughout +the great caravansary the name of Horace Vanderpoel was held in high +honor. To be sure they had never heard of him before, but the associate +of these brilliant dignitaries of the financial world must indeed be +somebody, even in New York! Here he sat, awaiting developments, his +amusement as well as his interest in the adventure increasing +momentarily. An hour passed and then a card was brought to his door +bearing the mystic words: + + COLONEL A. N. GORA + THE CATSKILL CLUB + +"Ask Colonel Gora to come right up," said Jack, with difficulty +repressing the guffaw that struggled within him for expression, +recognizing the name at once. Five minutes later puss walked in, the +perfect picture of a military dandy, largely due no doubt to the cut of +his whiskers. + +"Well," he said, removing his gloves, and out of sheer force of habit +proceeding to wash his face with his right paw, "you seem to be pretty +comfortably located." + +"In the lap of luxury," grinned Jack. + +Puss's face grew solemn. + +"For a cat, my dear Jack, or, rather, Horace," he said, "the lap of +luxury would be a saucer of milk." + +"You shall have a pitcherful, Bill," cried Jack, rushing to the 'phone. + +"Not on your life, my dear boy!" meowed puss, excitedly stopping him. +"Never! The occupant of an apartment like this ordering a pitcher of +milk! Why, my dear fellow, that would queer our game at the very start. +Order some tea and I'll drink the cream." + +After regaling himself on the refreshment provided by the confiding +management, puss, with a graceful readjustment of his whiskers, turned +with a smile to the wondering and admiring beneficiary of his +resourceful mind. + +"Well, what do you think of it, Jack?" he asked. + +"It is very nice indeed, Puss," Jack answered, "but--er--I can't help +thinking of the possibilities of the day of reckoning. Who's going to +pay for all this when the bill comes in?" + +"Don' t worry," said puss; "I'll attend to all that. This afternoon I +want you to climb aboard the sight-seeing coach that leaves Madison +Square at three o'clock. Sit next to the young lady with blue eyes and a +Persian lamb ulster, whom you will find occupying the front seat with +her father, a large, stout gentleman with a kohinoor sparkling like an +electric light in his shirt-front and three more on his little finger. +If you happen to see me on the same coach, don't let on that you know +me, and, above all, don't deny anything you may hear anybody saying +about you. Where did you register from?" + +"Kansas City," replied Jack. + +[Illustration: "GOOD-BYE, JACK"] + +"All right," said puss. "Keep a stiff upper lip, my boy, and all will be +well. Good-bye. Like most cats, I have a few fences to take care of +this afternoon and I must be off. I've found a nice little kitten up the +street who is going to manicure my nails." + +With these words the amazing creature donned his hat and coat and, +resuming his boots, strode out with a magnificent swagger. + +At three o'clock in the afternoon Jack, in accordance with his +instructions, boarded the sight-seeing coach at Madison Square, and, +recognizing the young woman referred to by puss sitting on the front +seat of the car, seated himself beside her. + +"When do we start, Popper?" asked the girl, with a demure glance at +Jack. + +"Putty soon, I guess," said the old gentleman, who sat on her other +side. "But there ain't never any tellin'. These New York guys does +things putty much as they please." + +"Humph!" muttered Jack under his breath. "He sounds like real money from +Goldfields." + +In a few moments the car started, and as they passed around the +Flatiron Building Jack was still further amazed to recognize in the +voice of the lecturer none other than that of the faithful puss. + +"This building," Jack heard him saying boldly, "is the famous Flatiron +Building, erected at great expense by the Fuller Company and lately +purchased for five million dollars by the famous Missouri financier and +capitalist, Mr. Horace Vanderpoel." + +"_Gee-rusalem!_" ejaculated Jack. + +[Illustration: "THE HANDSOMEST TOWER IN THE WORLD"] + +"To the right is the wonderful tower of the Metropolitan Life Insurance +Building--the handsomest tower in the world," continued puss, bellowing +his words into Jack's ears playfully through his megaphone; "while off +across the square to the north the structure in yellow brick is the +famous Madison Square Garden, soon to be torn down to make room for the +new Vanderpoel office building, sixty-four stories high, containing +theatres, assembly halls, churches, convention halls, restaurants, +apartments, and so on, besides offices, costing between ten and twenty +millions of dollars." + +"Vanderpoel Building, eh?" said the old gentleman. "Any relation to the +feller that's bought the Flatiron?" + +"Same man, sir. He's the only Vanderpoel," replied puss. + +"Must have seven or eight dollars to spare," said the sight-seer. + +"Ten or twelve, sir," laughed puss. "It is said that he is trying to buy +a controlling interest in the whole city. Negotiating for the Astor +estate, they say." + +"Great Scott!" gasped the sight-seer. "What's he going to do with it +when he gets it?" + +"Don't know, sir," replied puss, gayly. "Kind of suspect he's thinking +of annexing it to Kansas City, sir." + +The car proceeded until the party reached the Plaza. + +"On the left is the Plaza Hotel, another property of the Vanderpoel +syndicate," said puss; "said to have cost the Kansas City millionaire +ten millions, and paid for in cash." + +"_Gee!_" gasped the young woman's father, and Jack indorsed the +observation unreservedly. + +"That's a pretty house, Popper," said the young woman as the car reached +the Ninety-sixth Street entrance to the Park, pointing toward Mr. +Rockernegie's residence. + +"Formerly the residence of Andrew Rockernegie," said puss, "but recently +sold to Mr. Vanderpoel for three million dollars." + +"It's mighty funny I never heard of this Vanderpoel feller before," said +the old man. + +"Just come into his fortune, sir," vouchsafed puss. "Very young man just +come of age, sir." + +The old man leaned forward and, addressing Jack, inquired: + +"Did you ever hear of this man Vanderpoel, young man?" + +"Well, yes," said Jack, with a modest laugh. "Fact is, _I myself am +Horace Vanderpoel_." + +The stranger gazed at him in amazement. + +"Well, by ginger!" he said. "I--I--I'm dee-lighted to meet you, sir. +This is my daughter Amanda, sir. I--I--I'm proud to make your +acquaintance." + +"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir," said Jack, pleasantly, removing his +hat and bowing to the young woman. "You are Mr.--" + +"Dobbins, sir," returned the old man, effusively. "Joshua Dobbins. I +thought I was going some on the money question, with seven gold mines in +Nevada, but I must take off my hat to you, sir. Any man who has the +nerve to buy New York--heavens!" + +The old fellow took off his hat and mopped his brow, which had begun to +perspire freely. + +"Oh, I don't take any credit to myself for that," said Jack, modestly. +"When a boy has a great-grandfather who dies and leaves forty million +dollars to him in trust for fifty years before he was born, and that +money accumulates until the unborn beneficiary is twenty-one years old, +it means a rather tidy stockingful, I admit, but it isn't as if I'd made +the money myself." + +"Fuf-forty million accumulating interest for seventy-one years!" gasped +Dobbins. + +"Compound," said Jack, smiling sweetly at the girl at his side. "That's +the deuce of it. I--I've got to do something to keep the income +invested, and New York real estate, being the most expensive thing in +sight, I've gone in for that as being the easiest way out." + +"I--I suppose you are living here now?" asked Mr. Dobbins. + +"No," said Jack. "Personally I don't care particularly for New York. I +am just in town for a few days, stopping at the Waldorf." + +"Why, so are we," interrupted the girl. + +"Then," said Jack, gallantly, "the Waldorf possesses even greater +attractions than I had supposed." + +The girl blushed a rosy red, and the old gentleman fairly beamed. + +"Glad to have you take dinner with us, Mr. Vanderpoel," he said. + +"Thank you," said Jack. "I shall be charmed to do so if I can. I sort of +half promised Mr. Bondifeller to take a snack with him this evening, +but"--this with a killing glance at the blushing Miss Dobbins "but I +guess he can wait. To tell you the truth, Mr. Dobbins, these New York +millionaires bore me to death. At what time shall we foregather?" + +"Suppose we say seven?" said the old gentleman. + +"My lucky number," said Jack, with a gracious smile, which set the heart +of Miss Dobbins all of a-flutter. + +So passed the hours away. Jack found himself growing momentarily more +deeply impressed with the beauty of the maiden at his side, and by the +time the young people had reached the hotel it had become a pronounced +case of pure and ardent love. As they entered the Waldorf one of the +employees of the hotel rushed excitedly up to the young billionaire, +breathless with the importance of a communication intrusted to him. + +"Mr. Rockernegie is on the wire--wants to speak to you immediately, +sir," he panted. + +"Tell him I'm busy," said Jack, entering the tea-room and ordering a +slight repast for Miss Dobbins and her father. A moment later the +messenger returned, more breathless than before. + +"Sorry, sir," said the boy, "but Mr. Rockernegie says he must see you +right away, sir." + +Jack frowned as though deeply annoyed, and his answer came with an +incisive coldness that froze Mr. Dobbins almost to the marrow. + +"Go back to that 'phone and tell the gentleman that it will take the +biggest search-light in the amalgamated navies of the world to enable +him to get even a bird's-eye view of me until I get good and ready," he +said. "Er--tell him he can come to my office at ten-thirty to-morrow +morning if he wants to, only he mustn't be late. Just impress that on +his mind." + +Mr. Dobbins choked and coughed apoplectically. + +"Don't let us interfere with any of your engagements, Mr. Vanderpoel," +he sputtered. + +"That's all right, Mr. Dobbins," said Jack. + +"I wish you'd invest seven or eight million for me," said Dobbins, with +a sheepish glance at Jack. "I know it isn't much, but--" + +"Risky business, speculating, Mr. Dobbins," said Jack, bravely, although +the suggestion had nearly knocked him off his chair. "Better hang on to +your pennies, now that you've got 'em." + +"Oh, I've got eight or ten more where they came from," chuckled the old +man. + +"Then, sir," said Jack, as calmly as he knew how, "the best investment +for you is in Miss Amanda Dobbins Preferred, a stock of priceless +value." + +"I don't think I quite understand," said the old man, scratching his +head in perplexity. + +"Settle five million on your daughter," explained Jack. "When you've got +her fixed comfortably in life, go in and do as you please with the rest +of your fortune. Play the game as hard as you like, and, win or lose, no +harm can come to her--and _if_ you lose, why, she'll be able to take +care of you." + +"I've already given her four million, haven't I, Amandy?" said the old +gentleman, proudly. + +"Yes, Popper," said the girl, and Jack's heart began to play the +anvil chorus on the xylophone of his ribs. What a chance! + +"How about it, Mr. Vanderpoel," persisted the old man; "can you put me +wise?" + +"Oh, well," said Jack, "if you really insist I'll let you into a little +blind pool I'm in, but not for very much--say a couple of millions. Only +I won't take a penny of your money if you are like all the rest of these +people here who want to be shown how things are every five minutes of +the day. I'll take your two million and you can call it a loan, if you +want to. Your receipt will be my demand note for the full amount. You +see I know what I'm about, and I'm careful." + +[Illustration: "COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED +MR. DOBBINS] + +"Couldn't make it three million, could you?" suggested Mr. Dobbins, with +a pleading note in his voice which Jack found difficult to resist. "I +happen to have that amount idle--" + +"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do," said Jack, patronizingly. "I was +going to pull this thing off myself because it is one of the few +dead-sure things left in this world, but first the Midas people butted +in, then Bondifeller wanted a slice, and Rockernegie wore out his +library carpet running to the 'phone to ring me up about it, until I +told Central I'd have the company indicted as a nuisance if they let the +old man have my number again. None the less, for merely diplomatic +reasons, I'm going to let 'em all in for a small share. Just enough to +keep them satisfied with themselves. Exactly what the basis will be I +haven't yet decided, but if you are willing to take your chances with +them--well, you may hand me six certified checks for five hundred +thousand dollars apiece, so that I can spread the whole amount around in +my various bank and trust company accounts." + + * * * * * + +"Now what, Puss?" asked Jack the next afternoon, as he and his feline +friend held a consultation in the apartment. "I've got three million to +my credit in six banks. What's the next step--Algiers or Venezuela?" + +"Why," said puss, "it seems to me that a man with three million in hand +can afford to stay in New York over Christmas, anyhow." + +"Yes, I know," said Jack. "But the old man--he's got to have some profit +some time or other, hasn't he?" + +Puss sighed deeply. "It is very evident, my dear Jack," said he, "that +you are no financier. Settle a million on yourself and use the remainder +to pay dividends to Mr. Dobbins. He'd probably think twenty-five per +cent. on his investment was a pretty fair return, and if at the end of +the first year you give him back seven hundred and fifty thousand +dollars he'll be satisfied. Then if you hand him over a full million the +second year--well--" + +"Well what?" gasped Jack. + +"He'll put five million more into the pool on your mere intimation that +you are willing to help him out to that extent," said puss, "which will +keep you going several years longer." + +Jack breathed heavily at the prospect of such affluence, but he could +not escape the uncomfortable feeling that there would be an inevitable +day of reckoning ahead of him. + +"And when that is gone?" he asked. + +Puss gazed at him scornfully this time. + +"My, but you are stupid!" he ejaculated. "I really want to help you, +Jack, but I can't do everything, you know. You've got to handle some of +this business yourself. But let me ask you one question: Did you ever +hear of a millionaire putting the father of his grandchildren in jail +because he had lost money in a blind speculation?" + +"No, I never did," said Jack; "but you see, Puss, I am not the father of +Dobbins' grandchildren." + +"No," said puss, "but why in thunder should you not be?" + +"By Jove!" cried Jack, joyously. "Do you think she'll have me?" + +"Will a duck quack?" asked the cat. + + * * * * * + +(Extract from the last will and testament of Joshua Dobbins): + + "... and I do hereby appoint my said son-in-law, Horace + Vanderpoel, husband of my beloved daughter Amanda, sole + trustee of my estate, without bond, said estate to be + administered by him for the benefit of my said daughter + Amanda and her children, according to his own discretion; + for which service, in lieu of executor's or trust fees, I do + hereby give, bequeath, and devise to his use forever the sum + of five million dollars, together with such additional sums + as I have from time to time during the past four years + invested under his advice and direction in the several + properties in his control, both principal and interest + accrued up to the date of my decease." + +"Dear old dad!" said Jack, when the will had been read. "Your father was +a fine man, Amanda dear, and a very successful man as well." + +"Yes, Horace," said his weeping wife, "but he always insisted that he +owed much to your splendid business management; so, after all, you have +only come into your own, dear." + +"Ah, well," said Jack, as he opened a fresh bottle of cream and placed +it before his pet Angora, "money isn't everything, sweetheart, and I +should have been satisfied if he had left me nothing but you." + +And the Angora cat wiped off the back of his ear with his left paw and +twirled his mustachios upward with a wave of his right, as he purred +amiably over the cream. + + + + +IV + +THE GOLDEN FLEECE + + +There was once a miller who was very poor, but he had a beautiful +daughter. There were a great many people who said that if he had not had +so beautiful a daughter he would not have been so poor, and it may be +that these were right, for beautiful daughters are not infrequently a +source of considerable expense to their parents, and I fear me that +Gasmerilda was no exception to this rule. + +She had a great passion for rare furs and for opera and lingerie cloaks, +and the thousand and one other dainty things that appeal to the heart +of beautiful young maidenhood, and it seemed to make no difference how +many millions of bushels of corn passed through her father's mill day +after day, the returns from the grinding wheels were always thirty or +forty dollars a month lower than the total aggregate of Gasmerilda's +bills from milliners, furriers, jewelers, and others too numerous to +mention. + +Of course, this thing could not go on indefinitely. There comes a time +when even the blindest of creditors will insist upon the liquidation of +a miller's account, and the poor man found himself getting deeper and +deeper into debt as the months passed along, and was now at last at his +wits' ends to devise new excuses for the non-payment of Gasmerilda's +indebtedness. Indeed, he had now come to a point where there was but one +refuge from the ultimate of financial disaster that should force him +into a public declaration of his bankruptcy, and that was to be seen +associating in public places with well-known malefactors of great +wealth. + +What awful agony of mind this cost him--for he was an honest miller, as +had always been evidenced by his willingness to promise to pay his debts +even when he knew he could not--the world will never know, but he +swallowed his pride, and for a time gained immunity from the pressure of +his creditors with their threatened judgments by being seen walking down +Fifth Avenue in the morning alongside of Colonel John W. Midas, the +president of the Pactolean Trust Company, a savings institution formed +primarily for the purpose of lending its depositors' money to members of +its own board of directors, taking their checks dated two months ahead +and indorsed by their office-boys and stenographers for security. + +It is true that anybody who was ever seen speaking to Colonel Midas in +public was, by orders of the district attorney, immediately snap-shotted +by the Secret Service Camera Squad attached to that gentleman's office, +and the resulting negatives filed away for future reference in case +Justice should ever, by some odd chance, peep over the top of her +bandage for a moment and fix her eagle eye upon the Colonel's doings; +but, on the other hand, there were countless thousands of worthy people, +and among them were the miller's creditors, who believed that +association with such a person as Colonel Midas was pretty good evidence +either of a man's solvency or of his immunity to the lash of the law. +Consequently, when for five successive mornings the furriers, the +jewelers, the milliners, and others, to whom the unfortunate miller owed +vast unpayable sums of money for sundries purchased from time to time by +the beautiful Gasmerilda, saw their debtor walking down-town alongside +of the great Pactolean magnate, they called off their collectors and +attorneys, and sent the beautiful girl extra notifications through the +mails of their new fall and winter importations; to which, in due course +of time, the lovely maid responded, to the consequent swelling of the +already over-large accounts due. If these persons had only known that +these walks upon the avenue were silent walks, and that from the Plaza +down to Madison Square Colonel Midas, though accompanied by the miller, +was utterly unaware of the latter's presence, being too deeply absorbed +in certain operations of great magnitude upon the Street to notice +anything that was going on around him, they would doubtless have acted +differently; but they did not know this, and it soon passed about among +the tradesmen that the miller was the friend of Midas, and thereby was +his credit greatly expanded. + +On the morning of the sixth day's promenade, however, Colonel Midas, +having solved the particular problem upon which his mind had been set +for the past week or ten days, became more observant, and, after the +miller had walked at his side for several blocks, he remarked the fact, +and with emotions that were not altogether pleasant. Wherefore, he +quickened his footsteps in order that he might leave the intruder +behind, but the miller quickened his also and remained alongside. +Colonel Midas stopped short in his walk before an art-shop window, and +gazed in at the paintings therein displayed. + +The miller likewise, his head cocked knowingly to one side like that of +a connoisseur, paused and gazed in at the marvels of the brush. The +Colonel, with a sudden jerky turn, leaped from the window to the +gutter-curb and boarded a moving omnibus with surprising agility for a +man of his years. But he was not too quick for his pursuer, for the +miller, though scarcely able to afford the expense, immediately sprang +aboard the same vehicle and took the seat beside him. Then for the first +time the Colonel addressed him, and, there being no ladies upon the +omnibus at that early hour, in terms rather more forcible than polite. + +[Illustration: "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"] + +"What do you think you are doing?" he demanded, frowning upon his +pursuer. + +"Riding in a 'bus," replied the miller, with a pleasant smile. + +"Are you trying to shadow me?" roared the Colonel. + +"I'd make a mighty poor eclipse for you, Colonel Midas," said the +miller, suavely, "but to tell you the truth," he added, a sudden idea +having flashed across his mind, which in the absence of anything else to +say in explanation of his conduct seemed as good as any other excuse he +could invent, "there _is_ a little matter I'd like to bring to your +attention." + +"Bombs?" asked the Colonel, moving away apprehensively, noticing that +the miller had put his hand into his pocket, and fearing that he had, +perhaps, encountered a crank who designed to do him harm. + +"No, indeed," laughed the miller. "Not in such close quarters as this. +When I throw a bomb at anybody I shall take care to provide a safety net +for myself." + +"Ha!" ejaculated the Colonel, with a deep sigh of relief. "Book-agent?" + +"Nothing in it," said the miller. "Work too heavy for the profits. No, +sir, I am neither a book-agent nor an anarchist. I am nothing but a poor +miller with an ingrowing income, but I have a beautiful daughter who--" + +"Oh yes," interrupted Midas, with a nod. "I remember now. I've heard of +you. You preferred to remain independent instead of selling out to the +Trust. You tried to discount some of your notes at the Pactolean Trust +Company, of which I am president, the other day." + +"Yes," said the miller, "and you refused them." + +"Naturally," laughed Midas. "A beautiful daughter, Mr. Miller, is a +lovely possession, but she's mighty poor security for a loan. About the +worst in the market. Especially yours. I've seen Miss Miller at the +opera several times and have wondered how you managed it. It would cost +more than the face value of your notes to support the security for one +week in the style to which she is accustomed." + +"That's true enough," said the miller, "and nobody knows it better than +I do. Nevertheless, you made a mistake. You have possibly never heard of +her wonderful gift." + +"No," said the magnate. "I was not aware that the young lady had any +other gifts than beauty and a father with a little credit left." + +"Well, be that as it may," retorted the miller, "she has one great gift. +She can spin straw into gold." + +"What?" cried Midas, becoming interested at once. + +"Yes, sir," the miller went on. "She has marvellous powers in that +direction. If she hadn't I'd have been up a tree long ago." + +"I had heard of her father's ability to turn hot air into Russian sables +and diamond necklaces, but this straw business is something new," said +Midas. + +"I thought you would so regard it," said the miller, confidently, "and +that is why I have been trying to get a word with you for the past week. +You are the only man I know in the financial world who is known to have +the enterprise and the courage to go into a little gamble that other +people would laugh at. You have that prime quality of success, Colonel +Midas, that is known to mankind as nerve. You are always willing to sit +in any kind of a game that shows a glimmer of profit in the perspective, +and that is why I bring this matter to you instead of to my friend +Rockernegie, a man utterly without imagination and blind to many a sure +thing because he can't understand it." + +The Colonel, who was not unsusceptible to flattery, was visibly +impressed by this tribute. He scratched his head thoughtfully for a +moment. + +"See here, Mr. Miller," he said, after a brief communion with himself, +"if this story is true, why are you trying to discount your notes at the +Pactolean Trust Company? Why don't you get a bale of straw and have your +daughter turn it over a few times?" + +"I will be perfectly frank with you, Colonel," said the miller. "It is a +humiliating confession to make, sir, but I'm everlastingly busted. Just +plain down and out and I couldn't buy a lemonade straw if they were +going at a cent a ton, much less a bale." + +The Colonel looked at him sympathetically, and then, giving his knee a +resounding whack, he cried: "By Jove, Miller, I'll back you! I rather +like your nerve, and, as you have so charmingly put it, I _am_ the sort +of man to take a long shot. Yes, sir, and I wouldn't have had seven +cents to my name to-day if I hadn't been. Come with me to the Pactolean +Trust Company and we'll discount your demand note, suitably indorsed, +right off, with the understanding, however, that your daughter gives us +an immediate demonstration of her powers. We'll furnish the straw." + +The miller's heart leaped with joy, but he deemed it well not to show +himself over-anxious lest he lose the whole advantage. + +"It is very good of you, Colonel," he observed quietly, "but I don't +know a soul in this bright, beautiful world who would indorse my note +for any sum, large or small." + +"Oh, that will be all right," laughed the Colonel. "We've got a rubber +stamp in the office for just such emergencies." + +So the miller and his new-found friend went to the offices of the +Pactolean Trust Company, where, in a short while, he found relief from +his pressing woes by the exchange of his demand note for five thousand +dollars, indorsed most appropriately by a man of straw, for four crisp +one-thousand-dollar treasury notes and the balance, less six months' +interest, in yellow-backs of a denomination of fifty dollars each. + +"Tell your daughter to come down here to-morrow morning," said the +Colonel, as the miller pocketed the money. "I'll summon the board of +directors and she can give us a demonstration of her gift in the private +office. We'll have a couple of bales of straw all ready for her." + +"You will have to excuse me, Colonel," said the miller, with that +calmness which a man is likely to show when he has five thousand dollars +in good money in his purse, "but that will be impossible. Gasmerilda has +always refused to exercise her gift in the presence of anybody else, and +I am quite sure she will make no exception in this case. Even as a child +she would not let either her mother or myself see how she did it." + +"But she must," said the Colonel, firmly, "or I shall be under the +painful necessity of calling that note at once." + +[Illustration: "THERE'S THE MONEY, SIR"] + +"But she can't," returned the miller. "You see, sir, it is one of the +peculiarities of the gift that she must be alone while at work. It +requires such intense concentration of effort. If you insist upon her +presence here, why--well, as you intimate, the deal is off between us +and I shall have to take it to Rockernegie. There's the money, sir." + +With a supreme effort of will the miller tossed the roll of bills back +upon the table. It was, of course, an act of sheer bravado, but he +carried it off so well that it worked. + +"Oh, very well," said the Colonel, gruffly, a shade of disappointment +crossing his face. "If she can't, she can't, I suppose. It's worth a +try, anyhow. We'll send a bale of straw up to your residence this +afternoon, and if by to-morrow morning she has managed to turn it into +gold, all well and good. If not--well, we call the note, that's all." + +"Can't you make it a week?" pleaded the miller. "She may have some other +engagement on for to-night, and--er--well, a week will give her time +to turn around." + +"Make it five days," said the Colonel. "To-day is Wednesday. Let her +make the delivery on Monday morning." + +"Done!" said the miller, overjoyed, and he went out. + +He had not the slightest notion in the world how his beautiful daughter +would be able to fulfil the agreement--indeed, he was fairly certain in +his mind that she would be able to do nothing of the sort, but he had +the use of five thousand dollars at a critical moment in his career and +he knew that if worst came to worst he could shave off his mustache, +and, thus disguised, take passage for Europe in the steerage of some one +of the many Saturday steamers. + +Now, on his return home that evening, the miller was very much +embarrassed by a searching inquiry from his beautiful daughter. It seems +that when she had tried to telephone to one of her friends that +afternoon she had been informed by Central that the service had been +discontinued for non-payment of the bill for December, 1906. + +"Have we come to such a pass as that, father?" she demanded, her lovely +voice quivering with emotion. + +"It looks like it," said the miller, with an uneasy laugh. "I have been +kept so busy paying for your daily supply of fresh sables that I haven't +had a moment for the gas bills or for your conversational accounts. With +you to look after, my dear, I find that even talk is not cheap." + +The beautiful girl wiped the tears from her eyes with her point-lace +handkerchief. + +"But," she cried, "what are we going to do? I must have eleven hundred +and seventy dollars and fifty-five cents to-morrow morning, father, or I +shall be ruined." + +The miller's heart sank within him and his face grew ashen. + +"Eleven hundred and seventy dollars and fuf-fifty--fuf--five cents?" he +stammered. "In Heaven's name what for, Gasmerilda--hairpins?" + +"No, father," she trembled. "I have issued three or four pounds of +deferred bridge certificates, and they fall due to-morrow. You certainly +do not wish me to lose my social position--about the only thing I have +left?" + +The unhappy man gazed long and anxiously at the pale face before him, +and then his heart softened, as it always had done. + +"All right, my child," he sighed, as he tossed the exact amount to her +across the table. Then his face grew stern. + +"Gasmerilda," he said, "your extravagance having brought us to this, I +may as well inform you now as at any other time that it is up to you to +get us out of trouble, and I have to-day been forced to enter into +negotiations with the Pactolean Trust Company by which you are to be +capitalized. Hereafter, my child, you are to become a dividend-paying +investment instead of twin sister to a sinking fund." + +"What can you mean, father?" cried the girl, her face blanching with +fear. + +The miller thereupon recounted to her in full detail the incidents of +the morning, and revealed to her astounded mind the preposterous claims +he had made on her behalf. + +"But father," she protested, "I have no such gift." + +"You will excuse me for refusing to discuss the matter further with you, +Gasmerilda," he replied, coldly. "If it so happens that you have no such +gift you must devise some method of getting it. I have given my word, +and as a dutiful daughter you must make good." + +Turning to the butler, the miller asked: + +"James, has a bale of straw arrived here to-day from Colonel Midas?" + +"Yes, sir," said the butler. "It is down-stairs in the cellar, sir." + +"Good!" said the miller. "You will have it carried up to Miss +Miller's dressing-room at once." + +Rising from the table he kissed his unhappy daughter affectionately, +and, bidding her good-night, he went to the club, where he paid his +delinquent dues and house charges and set out once more upon a tolerably +care-free existence for five days at least. + +"A short life and a merry one!" he muttered to himself, as he paid in a +hundred dollars for a supply of red and blue chips. + +[Illustration: POOR GASMERILDA SAT WHITE-FACED] + +Meanwhile, poor Gasmerilda sat white-faced, and eyes wide with fear and +perplexity, staring at that horrible bale of straw that occupied the +middle of the floor of her dainty boudoir. She had no more idea of how +to spin it into gold than she had of making over her last year's gingham +bath-robe into this year's panne-velvet opera gown. Hourly her distress +grew, until finally the floodgates of her tears broke, and she burst +into a passionate convulsion of weeping. But, even as the tears began +to flow, there came a faint golden tinkle on the jeweled 'phone that +stood on her escritoire. At first she paid no attention to the +unexpected tintinnabulation, but the tinkling soon became more +pronounced and so persistent that she finally answered it. + +"Is that you, Gasmerilda?" came a quaint little voice over the wire. + +"Yes," she sobbed. "Who is this?" + +"There are tears in your voice, Gasmerilda," came the quaint little +voice. + +"They are all over the place," wept the unhappy girl. + +[Illustration: "I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER, GASMERILDA"] + +"And I know why," said the little voice, sympathetically. "I am your +fairy godmother, Gasmerilda, and I have not ceased to watch over you. +Your father has negotiated a loan on your remarkable gift of spinning +straw into gold, has he not?" + +"Yes," sobbed Gasmerilda, "and I have no such gift." + +"Well, don't worry, my child," said the little voice. "When you were +a baby you once offered a part of your school orange to a starving +kitten, and she has not forgotten it. I was that kitten and I have kept +my eye on you ever since, and now I am going to help you out. If you +will do exactly what I tell you to do all will be well." + +Gasmerilda, with a great sigh of relief, promised to be faithful to her +fairy godmother's instructions. + +"Oh, you dear!" she cried, impulsively. + +"Go to-morrow, the first thing in the morning," said the fairy +godmother, "to the United States Assay Office on Wall Street, taking +with you the money your father gave you this evening at dinner, and buy +a one-thousand-dollar bar of gold." + +"But, Fairy Godmother," Gasmerilda interrupted, "I--I must use that +money to pay off my bridge I. O. U.'s to-morrow." + +"I have arranged for all that," laughed the fairy godmother. "Those +I. O. U.'s will never be presented. Transforming myself into a mouse, I +have entered the escritoires of the ladies holding your notes of hand, +and have eaten every single one of them." + +Gasmerilda's heart leaped with joy. + +"Oh, Fairy Godmother!" she cried. "Can't you get rid of father's note in +the same way?" + +"No, my dear," sighed the little voice. "That note, unfortunately, is +stored away in a steel vault, and my teeth are not strong enough to +nibble through that. I have a more business-like method to get you both +out of your troubles. After you have purchased the bar of gold, take it +home with you and devise some convenient means of getting rid of the +straw without anybody seeing you do it. The best way to do this will be +to carry an armful of it at a time up on to the roof of your house and +let it blow away; and then, when next Monday comes, and your father is +required to deliver the first consignment of the precious metal to +Colonel Midas, go with him to the Colonel's office, yourself, taking +the gold bar with you, and see that it is really delivered. Wear your +most bewitching hat, and don't fail to remember what a woman's eyes were +given her for." + +"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" cried Gasmerilda, a great wave of +happiness sweeping over her. "If I could get at you, dear Fairy +Godmother, over the 'phone, I should hug you to death." + +"That is all right, child. My reward will come later," replied the fairy +godmother. "When your profits begin to come in you may pay me a +commission of ten per cent. on all you get." + +"Gladly. I'll make it fifteen per cent.," cried the grateful girl. "But +how shall you be paid?" + +"By check, dear, drawn to the order of The Fairy's Aid Society of +America, of which I am the president," was the answer. "The address is +just Wall Street, New York. And now, sweet dreams, my beloved ward. The +sun of your troubles has set, and the dawn of prosperity is here." + +With a happy smile Gasmerilda wished her kindly friend good-night, and +retired to her couch and slept the sleep of a weary child. Bright and +early the next morning, with her little gold-chain purse containing the +necessary funds dangling from her chatelaine, she appeared at the assay +office, and purchased there a shining bar of the lustrous metal, +returning to her home in time for luncheon. + +"Well, daughter," said the miller, as he met her in the hallway, "how +does the good work proceed?" + +"Very well, indeed, father," she said, with a cheery smile. "I'm a +little out of practise, but I managed to spin about ninety-eight +dollars' worth last night before going to bed." + +The miller blinked amazedly at his daughter. This answer was indeed the +most extraordinary substitute for the floods of tears he had expected to +greet his question. + +"You--you--you dud--don't--m--m--mean to sus--say--" he stammered. + +"Father, dear, did you ever try to cut calves-foot jelly with a steel +knife?" she asked. + +"Yes, child, yes--but what of that?" he demanded, completely nonplussed. + +"Well, dear," she answered, kissing him on the tip end of his nose, +"that is hard labor compared to spinning gold out of straw." + +She ran from him, laughing merrily as she hurried up the stairs to her +room, while he, staggering back against the newel-post of the staircase, +leaned on it, breathing heavily. + +"If that's the case," he said, as with trembling hands he took a set of +false whiskers and a steerage ticket for Naples from his pocket, "I +shall not need these." + +Nevertheless, prudence bade him wait until he had seen the gold before +destroying the paraphernalia of his possible flight, and oh, the joy of +that Saturday morning, when Gasmerilda, having, by an almost +super-human effort, having rid herself of the straw as her fairy +godmother had bade her to do, led her trembling father into her boudoir +and showed him the glittering bar! + +"Are you sure it's real?" he quavered. + +"I have had it stamped at the assay office, father," she replied. "See!" + +And she showed him the stamps of the authorized government test. + +"My child!" he cried, dancing about the room in a delirium of joy. "My +beloved, my beautiful daughter--was ever miller so blessed as I! Wait!" + +Rushing madly to the jeweled 'phone, he rang up Colonel Midas. + +"Excuse me for bothering you, Colonel," he said, excitedly, "but this is +Miller. I thought you would be interested to know that my daughter has +turned the trick a little sooner than I expected. If you want to see the +gold to-day instead of waiting until Monday, all you've got to do is to +say so." + +The wire fairly sizzled with the reply. Of course, Colonel Midas +would not wait. In fact, he'd be right up. How much did the miller think +the gold would pan out? + +"Oh, about a thousand dollars," replied the miller. + +"What?" roared Midas. "A thousand dollars' worth of gold from a +seven-dollar bub--bale of straw?" + +"That's the assay office estimate," said the miller, with a smile. "You +can't very well go behind that." + +The answer was a long, low whistle, and within twenty minutes the great +financier's car came chugging up to the door, and he entered the house, +bringing with him a chemist. + +[Illustration: "THIS IS THE GREATEST CINCH IN THE HISTORY OF FINANCE"] + +"By Jingo! Miller," he cried, after the chemist had applied every known +test to the bar and declared it to be, beyond all question, the real +stuff, "by Jingo, old man, our fortune is made. This is the greatest +cinch in the history of finance." + +"Looks that way," said the miller, calmly, leaning forward and tossing +the steerage ticket into the waste-basket. + +"We--er--we must keep it in the family, Miller," the Colonel added, +slapping the proud father familiarly on the knee--for Gasmerilda had +remembered the fairy godmother's injunction as to the use of her eyes. + +"I intend to, Colonel," said the miller, dryly. "I'll keep it in _my_ +family if you don't mind--" + +Midas gasped, and then he laughed sheepishly. + +"To think that I, a hardened old bachelor, should be a victim to love at +first sight!" he said. + +"Very funny indeed," laughed the miller. + +"What would you say to me as a son-in-law, eh?" Midas went on. "You know +I'm a decent chap, old man. No funny business about my private +life--it's a good chance to get your daughter settled in life, and--" + +"Well, I don't know," said the miller, coolly. "You are generally +considered to be a fairly eligible sort of person, Midas, but my +daughter can afford to marry for love as long as the straw crop holds +good." + +A glitter came into Midas's eye. + +"What if I were to corner the market?" he demanded. + +"That would be bad for Gasmerilda and me," the miller agreed. "Mind you, +I haven't said I disapproved of the match, but let's be perfectly frank +with each other. I'm not going to sell my daughter to you or to anybody +else, but you know how things run these days. A man's a millionaire +to-day and a member of the down-and-out club to-morrow. Now, I don't +know the first blessed thing about your prospects. You are rich now, but +who knows that before 1915 you won't be in a federal jail somewhere +without a nickel?" + +"I see your point," said Midas, "and I'll settle five million on her +to-morrow." + +"Real money?" he demanded. + +"Real money," said Midas. + +"Done!" ejaculated the miller. + +And so the papers settling five million dollars in approved securities +upon the miller's daughter were executed, and three months later that +invincible old bachelor, John W. Midas, for whom countless widows had +set their caps in vain, was led to the altar by the blushing and happy +Gasmerilda. The groom's gift to the bride was a princely one, consisting +of ten million dollars' worth of the preferred stock of the newly +organized American Straw and Hay Trust, of which Colonel Midas was +president, a concern controlling all the leading straw industries of the +United States and some said of foreign lands as well. The papers called +it the most brilliant match of the season, but, none the less, the bride +had some misgivings. She knew, and somehow or other in the perspective +of the vista of wedded bliss ahead of her, no larger than a pin-head, +she seemed at times to see the first faint symptoms of a cloud which +might sooner or later obscure the whole heavens; aye, even that vast +stretch of blue that reached from the easternmost part of New York to +the westernmost boundaries of Reno, Nevada. Still, back of this was a +silver--nay, a golden--lining, for Gasmerilda was now the possessor in +her own right of five million dollars in real money, and with such a +possession in hand one can stand a good deal of domestic +misunderstanding. + +And even then there was the chance that the sporting instincts of +Colonel Midas would prove to be such that he would admire the genius +back of the transmutation that had originally won him--in addition to +which was the other fact that already, without a bale in sight, he had +sold the public over fifty millions' worth of the common stock in the +United States Straw and Hay Trust at 97-7/8. + +The first check out of Gasmerilda's new account was as follows: + + New York, January 17, 1911 + + No. 1 + + + Pay to the order of The Fairy's Aid Society of America + Seven hundred and fifty thousand Dollars + ($750,000.00) + + GASMERILDA MILLER MIDAS + +And she lived extravagantly forever afterward. + + + + +V + +THE INVISIBLE CLOAK + + +"I am very sorry, sorr," said the janitor as he turned off the heat and +disconnected the electric lights. "'Tain't me as is doin' ut--ut's the +owner of the buildin'. He says the rint ain't been paid for six mont's, +and while he ain't hard-hearted enough to turn nobody out on the sthreet +such weather as this, he don't see no use in dandlin' tinants what don't +pay in no lap o' luxury." + +Jack looked at the man in silence, completely stunned by this new +development in a situation already sufficiently distressing. + +"'Let him enjye all the pleasures of the roof, Mike,' says he," +continued the janitor, "'but no wooin' of his beauty sleep to the soft +music of the steam-radiator, nor 'lectric lights to cheer the dark +places of his sperrit whin twilight comes. Ut's the land of the Midnight +Sun for his till I see th' color of his bank account.'" + +"But I shall freeze if you turn off the heat," protested Jack. + +"That's the answer, I guess," returned the janitor. "Ut's a pretty cold +snap we do be havin'." + +Jack buried his face in his hands and groaned. Things had gone ill for +the unhappy lad for a long time now, and the sudden precipitation of +winter weather found him practically penniless. For one reason or +another no one seemed to care for his poetry, and his last story, from +the proceeds of which he had expected to make enough to tide him over +for a little while at least, had been returned by every editor in town. + +"Ut's mighty sorry for you, I am," said the kindly janitor, his heart +stirred by the pitiable picture of suffering before him. "I'd be afther +leavin' t'ings as they are if I dared, but the old man's orders--" + +"I know, I know," said Jack, wearily, "but it's awfully tough just the +same. I can get along without food, but without light and heat I don't +see how I can do my work." + +"I'll lend yez a candle, sorr," said the janitor. "That'll help some. Ye +can warm your hands over the flame of ut while you're doin' your +t'inkin', and ut'll give ye light enough to put down what ye t'ink in +between times." + +"Good old Mike!" said Jack, wringing the other by the hand warmly. "When +my ship comes in you shall have a good slice of the cargo for that." + +"Sure an' she ain't la'nched yet, is she?" asked the janitor, with a +grin, and then, as Jack seemed to have sunk into a dejected reverie, he +gathered up his tools and left the room. + +An hour passed before the miserable lad even so much as raised his head. + +"Jove! it's cold!" He shivered, as he gazed around him, the room bathed +in the gathering shadows of twilight. "And to think that it was only +last summer that I was complaining because this place was so infernally +hot!" + +His teeth chattered as he spoke, and he suddenly bethought himself of +his fur-lined overcoat hanging in the closet, his very last possession, +and one he had worn persistently of late, not so much because the +temperature of the town required it as to maintain publicly an +appearance of prosperity. + +"I'll take one last wear out of you," he said, as he put it on, "and +to-morrow I'll put you in cold storage at the house of mine Uncle. He +already has my watch, my scarf-pin, and everything else that I have +that is negotiable--he might as well top his collection off with you." + +The thought that the useful old garment was still good enough to act as +a satisfactory bit of security for a temporary accommodation at the +neighboring pawnshop cheered him up somewhat, and he went out, seeking a +comfortable spot where with his last half-dollar he could assuage the +growing pangs of hunger. As he left the house he noticed that the snow +was beginning to fall, so he decided not to go very far afield for his +meal. A cheap restaurant half-way down the block, on the avenue, +attracted his eye, and he went in and ordered his dinner--twenty-five +cents' worth of roast beef and a cup of coffee for himself, and the +balance to tip the waiter. He ate slowly, though this was not his habit, +merely because the place was warm and bright, and as he lingered over +his coffee he wrote a sonnet on life on the back of the bill of fare. +Then, his account paid, he started back to his apartment. As he left +the café the wheezing notes of a minute hand-organ playing "The Good Old +Summer-time" fell upon his ear. It sounded very much like a +talking-machine in the last stages of bronchitis, and then, suddenly, in +the midst of a "B-flat" that sounded more like a sneeze than a note, a +heartrending picture of misery and desolation smote upon his vision. On +the corner, exposed to all the icy winds that blew up the avenue, and +over the cross-streets from the river, huddled up into a seeming mass of +rags, over which the falling snow was drifting, was the form of an aged +woman, turning the crank of a battered and broken organ with fitful +twists of her poor blue hands. + +"Holy smoke!" cried Jack, as his eye fell upon the old woman's bent +figure. "And I have been sympathizing with myself for the last four +hours!" + +In an instant he had whipped off his overcoat--the fur-lined coat that +had been his only hope for immediate financial relief--and had thrown +it across the poor old shoulders. + +"Excuse me, madam," he said, as the old woman stopped grinding the organ +to look gratefully up into his face. "If I had any money I'd give it to +you, but I'm dead broke myself, and I can't help you that way. But, by +thunder! I can't stand seeing you freeze!" + +"Oh, I cannot take your coat, sir," the old woman began. + +"Yes, you can," said Jack. "If you don't want it as an act of charity, +let me have a quarter to buy my breakfast to-morrow morning, and you can +have the coat for the time being. I'll rent it to you over-night for a +quarter. You can return it in the morning. I live right across the +street at the Redmere." + +The old woman muttered a scarcely audible word of thanks. + +"Heaven will reward you for this," she began. + +"That's all right," said Jack, cheerfully. "I'm not looking for +dividends of that particular kind. I'll consider it a good bargain if +you'll just rent this old horse-blanket for the night for twenty-five +cents. Then nobody will be under obligation to anybody else." + +The old woman smiled even as she shivered, and diving down into the +mysterious depths of her ragged garments produced a handful of pennies +which she handed to the unexpected philanthropist. + +"I will return the coat in the morning," she said. "Good-night!" + +And again the withered hand began to turn the crank, and the suffering +organ, as Jack sped across the way to the Redmere again, began to wheeze +as before, taking a turn this time at that popular melody, "There'll Be +a Hot Time in the Old Town To-night." + +"Poor old hag!" muttered Jack as, without removing his clothes, he +climbed into bed and covered himself in addition with the bath-rug. "I +may be ninety-seven different kinds of an ass, but here's to the Heart +of Folly! I couldn't let that old creature freeze to death under my very +window." + +And warmed by the thought of a kindly deed done he turned over and went +to sleep. + +So weary was the poor lad after the troublesome experiences of a day so +full of worry that he slept heavily and far into the next morning. +Indeed, it required all the elbow power of Mike, the janitor, hammering +with his great fist upon the door, to awaken him. + +"Hello, there! What the dickens do you want?" cried Jack, sleepily, +aroused at last from his slumbers by a thunderous kick upon the door +from the janitorial foot. + +"Ut's me, sorr," replied Mike. + +"Oh, it's you, is it?" said Jack, opening the door. "What's the trouble +now? Orders from the landlord to stop my sleeping?" + +"No, sorr," replied the janitor. "Sure an' I'm just afther bringin' yez +a package lift at the door." + +"Confound you, Mike!" growled Jack, with a glance at the clock. "Nobody +can economize with a noise trust like you around. If you had only let me +sleep an hour longer I could have saved the price of a breakfast!" + +"Well, the lady that lift this bundle tould me to give ut yez without +anny delay," returned Mike. "And whin annybody gives me a dollar to get +a move on I get ut." + +"A lady gave you a dollar to hand this bundle to me?" demanded Jack, +incredulously. + +"She did that," said Mike. "She come drivin' up in her limybean +motor-car, and give me the package, and tould me not to let anny weeds +grow under me slippers." + +Jack rubbed his eyes in astonishment, and gazed wonderingly at the +brown-paper package. What could it be? Certainly not his fur coat. A +limousine car and the lady of the wheezy hand-organ did not seem to go +together. In an instant, consumed with curiosity, he tore off the +brown-paper covering, and found within a white pasteboard box, oblong in +shape, and tied up with blue ribbon. Attached to the middle was a note, +which, on being opened, revealed the following message to Jack's staring +eyes: + + THE UNITED STATES FAIRY COMPANY + 8976 WALL STREET + NEW YORK, _December 12, 1910_. + + DEAR JACK,--I return your cloak herewith with many thanks + for your kindness to + + Yours gratefully, + TITANIA J. GODMOTHER, + President The United States Fairy Co. + +"Well, I'll be blowed!" ejaculated the lad as he read. "The old lady a +fairy? I don't know about this--it has a phony look to me!" + +As he spoke he cut the blue ribbon with his penknife and opened the box. +The mystery, instead of being solved, now became all the deeper, for as +far as Jack's eye was able to see the box was empty. + +The janitor grinned unsympathetically. + +"Quare toime for an April-fool joke!" he said, as he left the room. + +For a few moments Jack was as silent as the Sphinx, and then, with a +sudden surge of wrath that any one should play such a trick upon him, he +gave the box a kick that sent it flying across the room. It landed on a +chair, the cover fell off, and then, mystery of mysteries, +three-quarters of the chair disappeared wholly from sight. Again Jack +rubbed his eyes in amazement, and slowly, like a trapper passing along a +forest trail, he crept over to where the chair stood and put out his +hand to feel for its missing parts. In a moment he was reassured as to +their existence, for he could feel the outlines of the missing sections, +but something apparently lay across them. It was a soft, silky material, +tangible enough, but absolutely invisible. It felt like a cloak, and as +Jack passed his hands along its folds he found that it had sleeves, +buttons, buttonholes, and a hood at the back of its collar, not to +mention several capacious pockets within. + +"Huh!" he ejaculated. "It feels like an invisible ulster. I wonder--" + +An idea flashed across his mind, acting upon which he seized the cloak, +and rushed into his bedroom, where, standing before the mirror on his +bureau, he put it on, buttoning it all the way up to his neck. This +done, he glanced at himself in the glass. + +_Only his head, which had remained uncovered, was reflected there!_ + +"Well of all--" he began, astounded at the vision before him, or rather +the lack of it. Hastily he pulled the hood over his head, and +immediately, as far as the eye could see, he completely vanished. + +And then Jack knew what had happened. + +The fairy godmother had given him one of the choicest possessions of her +kingdom--the famous invisible cloak! + +Ten minutes later Jack found himself passing through the Subway gate at +Forty-second Street, entirely unobserved by anybody, and therefore +relieved of the necessity of paying his fare. The invisible cloak was +doing its duty nobly, but a moment later the lad had an example of its +dangers as well as of its virtues, for as he sat quietly by the door of +the car trying to collect his flustered thoughts, a very stout German +gentleman got aboard the train and sat down heavily upon him. He did not +stay, however, but on the contrary, with a startled cry of alarm, rose +up as quickly as he had sat down. + +[Illustration: "DERE ISS SOMEDINGS IN DOT SEADT, ALRETTY YET!"] + +"Dere iss somedings in dot seadt, alretty yet!" he cried to the guard, +excitedly. + +Jack slipped noiselessly out of the seat, and the guard, after feeling +around in it for a second or two, turned with scorn upon the astonished +Teuton, and in language of a slightly unparliamentary cast advised him +to change his diet. + +"You'll be seein' t'ings next!" he said. + +Jack shook with internal laughter as the amazed son of the Rhine sat +cautiously down again, his face showing a deal of relief to find that +his first spooky impression was not correct, all of which for the +remainder of the trip down-town he openly expressed with considerable +volubility. Finally he was interrupted by the raucous voice of the guard +crying: + +"Wall Street!" + +Now Jack had not consciously started out to go to Wall Street, but the +announcement of the train's arrival there gave him a thrill. + +"Wall Street, eh?" he muttered. "Ha! Hum! Methinks the financial +stringency is over if this little old coat holds out! I seem to detect +the odor of money." + +He mounted the steps to the street, and wandered aimlessly down the +great financial highway until he found himself standing before the +gorgeous façade of the famous Urban National Bank. Here he paused a +moment, and curiosity as much as anything else led him to enter its +portals, and there within lay spread before his famished financial eyes, +separated from his hands only by a slight bit of steel grillwork, +countless packages, huge of bulk, of bank-notes, in all denominations, +any one of which, once in his possession, would serve to put him at ease +for the remainder of the year. Monte Cristo himself had no such stores +of wealth within his reach in the treasure-caves of his wondrous island. +The teller behind the grill was counting the contents of his safe, and +as he bent over to foot up a column of figures Jack stopped in front of +the little window and said: + +"Good-morning!" + +He did this not so much for the fun of it as for a precautionary test of +his invisibility, for a great scheme had entered his mind. The teller +looked up, craned his neck in every direction, and peered around to see +who had addressed him. + +[Illustration: "THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH MY NERVES"] + +"There must be something the matter with my nerves this morning," he +said, scratching his head in bewilderment. "I was sure somebody spoke to +me." + +Jack had all he could do to keep from laughing outright, but safety bade +him restrain the impulse, and in a moment he had climbed over the steel +grillwork and entered the sacred precincts of Ready Money. Once within +the teller's cage his heart began to thump so violently that it seemed +impossible for him to escape detection, but so busy were all the bank +people with the duties of the day that no one seemed to hear. And then +our hero began. Within five minutes he had stowed away within the +capacious pockets of his invisible cloak as many of the packages of +bills, green-backed and yellow, as he could possibly carry there, and +then, slipping out through the little door at the rear of the cage, he +walked calmly out of the bank with them. Arrived on Broadway, he removed +his coat and, hanging it over his arm, took a taxicab back to the +Redmere. + +He could hardly wait until he reached his apartment to count up the +results of his morning's work, but his caution stood by him, and it was +not until he had locked his door and barricaded it with the bureau +rolled in front of it that he opened the various packages. There were +ten of them altogether, and Jack's eyes nearly popped out of his head +with wonder as he saw so much real money spread out before him. Three of +the packages held one thousand dollars each in twenty-dollar bills, four +of them held five hundred dollars each in five-dollar bills, and the +other three totalled fifteen hundred dollars in ones and +twos--sixty-five hundred dollars altogether. + +"Mike!" he cried, going to the dumbwaiter shaft, and calling down, +vociferously, "turn on the heat, and tell the boss to send a truck +around here for his rent." + +Hiding the money under the mattress of his bed, Jack removed the +invisible cloak and hung it in the closet, taking care to lock the door +thereof, and then he started to shave. His hand trembled too much for +this, however, and after he had snipped off two or three pieces of his +cheek he abandoned the effort, but his brief trial before the glass had +a distinct moral influence upon him, for as his eye caught its own +reflection in the mirror, and Jack came to look himself squarely in the +face for the first time since his removal of the money from the bank, he +found that he could not do it. His eye faltered and fell, and the +question flashed across his mind as to the honesty of his morning's +work. + +"Hum!" he muttered, sitting down suddenly on his bed and staring at a +hole in the carpet, "I hadn't thought of that before! What would my poor +but honest parents think about this?" + +He scratched the end of his nose thoughtfully. + +"It isn't any too straight, even in these days of frenzied finance," he +went on; "that is, it isn't unless I regard this thing as a loan! Of +course if it's a loan--yes, it must be. Otherwise I'm no better than any +other--" + +His brow cleared as the idea entered his mind. + +"I'll make it O. K. in a jiffy," he said. + +He went to his writing-desk, and wrote to the cashier of the Urban +National Bank as follows: + + NEW YORK, _December 12, 1910_. + _Cashier, the Urban National Bank,_ + _New York City:_ + + DEAR SIR,--I think it only proper to inform you that, + unknown to yourself or any other person in your bank, I have + this morning negotiated a loan with your institution for six + thousand five hundred dollars. I have a temporary need for + this accommodation, and in order that the transaction may + appear a trifle less informal, I beg to hand you herewith my + six-months note for the amount borrowed, together with one + hundred and ninety-five dollars in cash to cover discount + charges, reckoned on a six-per-cent. basis. Please + acknowledge receipt of the same in the Personal Column of + the New York _Morning Gazoo_. + + The charming ease and promptness with which this + transaction was put through have given me a more than + friendly feeling for your bank, and now that I have used one + package of your money I take pleasure in saying that I shall + not only recommend it to my friends, but shall hereafter use + no other. + + Cordially yours, + A FRIEND IN NEED. + +This written, Jack purchased a blank promissory note at a stationery +store on the corner and filled it in. + + $6,500. NEW YORK, _December 12, 1910_. + + Six months after date I promise to pay to the order of the + Urban National Bank Six thousand five hundred dollars at the + Urban National Bank, New York City. Value received. + + ME. + +Both these interesting documents he now inclosed in an envelope, with +one hundred and ninety-five dollars in bills, sending the whole by +special-delivery mail to the cashier of the bank. + +"There!" said Jack, when he had completed this righteous act. "I can +now look myself in the eye again." + + * * * * * + +From this time on Jack wore his invisible cloak nearly all the time. He +found it very convenient, especially when he wished to go to the +theatre, or to ride on any of our vehicles of public transportation. +Once he seriously contemplated a trip to Europe in it, but this was +postponed by a sudden important development which called for his +attention nearer home. While seated in the back of Colonel Midas's box +at the Metropolitan Opera House one night, listening to the dreamy +numbers of "La Bohème," utterly unobserved, of course, by any of the +other occupants of the box, thanks to his magic cloak, Jack overheard +Colonel Midas engaged in a strenuous conversation with one of his male +relatives, who had asked the eminent financier for some kind of a tip +that would make a rich man of him. + +"If you'll tell me whether the San Francisco, Omaha & Mott Haven is +going to buy the K., T. & W. or not, Colonel," the man had said, "I can +make a million or two." + +"Of course you could, Jim," said the Colonel, "but I can't tell you now +what will be done in that matter. I don't know myself whether we'll buy +K., T. & W. or build our own connecting line. We haven't decided. If we +do buy, the stock will go jumping up ten, twenty, thirty points at a +time. If we don't, the bottom will drop out of it. It's the turn of a +hand which way that cat will jump, but I'll do this for you: As soon as +I do know I'll give you twenty-four hours' start with the inside +information. We have a secret meeting to-morrow at my office to discuss +the matter, and when we come to a definite understanding I'll give you +the tip. What I can tell you now is that the new line into Buffalo is +going to run through Rocky Corners, and anybody who gets hold of old +Hiram Bumpus's farm up there under a hundred thousand will clear half a +million without getting out of bed." + +"Why don't you go in and buy it yourself?" demanded the other. + +"Because I'm not wasting my gray matter on piking little +half-million-dollar deals, that's why," retorted Midas, with a glance of +scorn at his guest. + +Bursting with this valuable information, Jack immediately left the Opera +House and dispatched a rush telegram to Hiram Bumpus at Rocky Corners +offering him fifty thousand dollars for his farm. + +The answer came back the next morning: + + Price of farm seventy-five thousand, cash. No checks taken. + + HIRAM BUMPUS. + +To which Jack immediately replied: "Price satisfactory. Will arrive +Thursday with money." + +This done, our hero proceeded to camp on the front doorstep of Colonel +Midas, and when that distinguished financier appeared to take his motor +down to his office Jack, still wearing his invisible cloak, climbed in +alongside of him, and hardly daring to breathe lest he should betray his +presence in the car, rode down to the offices of the Midas Trust Company +with the magnate himself. Here Midas descended from the car, and Jack, +close upon his heels, followed him into that holy of financial holies, +the private office. + +"Any word from Rockernegie?" asked the Colonel of his secretary, as he +seated himself at his desk, Jack meanwhile having perched himself on the +mantelpiece. + +"Here at ten," returned the secretary, laconically. They did not even +waste breath in that office. + +"Moneypenny?" + +"Wires, here ten-fifteen." + +"Asterbilt?" + +"Yachting. Mediterranean. Leaves all to you." + +"Good!" said Midas. "When they come show them in, and I'm out to +everybody else." + +And then it was that Jack had his first glimpse of really great men in +action. By ten-thirty all the magnates of finance, with the exception of +Mr. Asterbilt, were on hand, and the secret meeting of the rulers of the +San Francisco, Omaha & Mott Haven Transcontinental Railway System was +on. They came down to business without any preliminaries. + +"Is it buy or build?" asked Midas. + +"Buy," said Rockernegie. + +"Build," said Moneypenny. + +"All right--we buy," said Midas. + +"It's a hold-up," said Moneypenny. "K., T. & W. was built for no other +purpose." + +"Perfectly true," said Midas. "Therefore, instead of announcing that we +shall buy, thus sending the price up till it bumps against the Dipper, +let us announce that we have decided to build our own connecting line, +and when K., T. & W. lands down around 1-7/8 we can go in and scoop it." + +"Always right, Midas," said Rockernegie. + +"I'll change my vote and make it unanimous," said Moneypenny, whereupon +the Colonel passed the cigars and the meeting stood adjourned. It had +taken seven minutes to settle a question involving millions upon +millions of dollars, and for a moment Jack stood aghast, but for no +longer than a moment, for the time for him to get busy had arrived. He +was in possession of the most valuable secret on Wall Street, and it +behooved him to begin operations. Passing hastily out of the office, he +first paid a visit to the Urban National, where after an hour's hard +work he succeeded in getting $300,000 out of the vaults, leaving on the +cashier's desk, while he was out at lunch, as security for his loan, a +sufficient amount of gilt-edged collateral, also taken from the vaults +of the bank itself. + +"It's all right," Jack wrote in his memorandum to the cashier. "I have a +big transaction on hand which can't help win out, and I shall rejoice +your heart by liquidating all my loans with you before spring. After +all, my dear sir, all business must be done on confidence, and I assure +you you can have plenty in me. I know myself through and through, and +can testify to my absolute integrity. Meanwhile let me repeat that your +money is the best I have ever used, and is received everywhere with real +enthusiasm." + +That night before he retired, operating through a dozen brokers' offices +so as not to attract undue attention, Jack purchased five thousand +shares of K., T. & W. at 20, paying for them in cash. The next morning +on the announcement from Colonel Midas's office that the San Francisco, +Omaha & Mott Haven road had decided not to take over the property, +K., T. & W. fell off to 10, at which figure, after a hurried visit to +the bank, Jack acquired ten thousand more shares. At the end of the +week K., T. & W. had slumped to 3-1/8, whereat Jack pyramided by taking +over twenty thousand more, all paid for in cash, having meanwhile sent +his lawyer to Rocky Corners with seventy-five thousand dollars to close +his real-estate deal with Hiram Bumpus. + +In the brief period of ten days the unfortunate tenant of the freezing +apartment at the Redmere had become the owner of fifty thousand shares +of K., T. & W., as well as the proprietor of a thirty-thousand-acre farm +through which a new line of railway was sure to pass. + +So the campaign went on over the Christmas season. Jack, by following +close on the heels of Midas or Moneypenny, it mattered little which, +secured inside information as to every deal of magnitude on Wall Street +whole days, and even weeks, before anybody else knew about it; and +having the resources of the Urban National to draw upon at need, he was +never at a loss how to finance himself. January came, and just as it +seemed as if K., T. & W. was about to be wiped out of existence came the +report that the property had been acquired by the San Francisco, Omaha & +Mott Haven crowd, and that its stock had been put on an eight-per-cent. +guaranteed-dividend basis. The quotation immediately began to soar. +K., T. & W. began to jump like a kangaroo. First it leaped to 30, then +to 68. On the tenth of January it opened at 128-7/8, and closed at 150, +where it stuck. For a time Jack waited for a further rise, but it failed +to come, and in February he sold one hundred and twenty thousand shares, +which had cost him on an average of $7 a share, for $150 a share, +realizing a profit of $17,160,000. Reference to his books showed that he +had drawn on the Urban National for a trifle over $1,250,000, which sum +he now started to return in the same laborious fashion in which it had +been acquired. Every day for a period of ten days the lad would put on +his invisible cloak, and at the cashier's lunch-hour would walk into his +office and deposit a great bundle of currency on his desk. Once he found +that gentleman, and the president of the bank as well, awaiting him, but +it made no difference. Secure in the concealment of his marvellous +cloak, Jack stood in the doorway and tossed the package of bills into +the room, hitting the astonished president of the bank himself squarely +in the stomach with it. + +In this way complete restitution with interest was made, and on the +first of February Jack found himself clear of all obligations, with a +comfortable fortune of over $15,000,000 on his hands, which made any +further involuntary loans on the bank's part unnecessary; but what was +even better than this, the meteoric successes of the young millionaire +upon the Street brought him such renown that it was not long before the +powers began to take notice. + +"That young man," said Colonel Midas, after watching him for a little +while, "is the most singularly astute person I ever met. I don't wish to +be vulgar, but he has been the nigger in every woodpile I have tackled +for six months. He knows what I am going to do almost as quick as I do. +We'll have to take him in the firm." + +"He has a singularly keen premonition as to values," observed Mr. +Rockernegie. "I've half a mind to start a trust company and make him +president." + +As for Mr. Moneypenny, after a year's experience at finding Jack at the +bottom of pretty nearly every scheme he went into, he made the following +observation to his daughter, as he pointed Jack out to her at the +opera--in his own box now--one night. + +"That young man in the third box on the left, my dear, is young Mr. Jack +Hardluck. He's so keen that I don't even dare think what I'm going to do +for fear he'll find it out!" + +"If that's the case, papa," said Miss Moneypenny, blushing, "the best +thing to do is to take him into the family. Don't you think you'd +better--" + +The girl hung her head shyly. + +"Better what, my dear?" asked the old billionaire, kindly. + +"Give him to me for a Christmas present?" she answered. "I think I could +get to like him very, very much." + +And, indeed, that is how it came to be that in due course of time the +young financier became the son-in-law of one of the financial powers of +the world. + +As for the invisible cloak, Jack wears it now only to travel _incog._, +which for a multi-millionaire is sometimes convenient. + +Incidentally and in conclusion, let me add that Mike Brannigan, +once the janitor of the Redmere, is now the owner of that handsome +apartment-house, having received the title-deeds through the mails from +some anonymous benefactor. + +"Who the divvle sint it, I dinnaw!" he said. "Nor what for he done it, +nayther. I ain't never done nothin' to injure nobody!" + + + + +VI + +THE RETURN OF ALADDIN + + +Night had fallen over the city, but the work in the little tailor shop on +the Bowery still went on. The toiling widow of Mustafa, the incorporated +valet of the Bachelors' Aid Society, who had died the winter before, +leaving his family with nothing but a few debts and his ironing-board, +was wearily struggling with the last batch of undarned socks received +that morning from the association. She sighed deeply as she labored, for +her fingers were sore with many stitches. + +"Heigho!" she murmured, sadly. "Why don't these bachelors get married +and have this sort of thing done at home, I wonder? This is the +ten-thousandth sock I have darned since Christmas, and as for the +suspender buttons, the good Lord only knows how many of those I have +sewed on. There ought to be a law compelling men to marry on penalty of +having to do their own mending." + +Poor woman! In the weariness of her spirit she little dreamed that she +was growing petulant with her bread and butter. Suddenly she heard the +door of the little shop without open, and her son Aladdin entered, a +great, buoyant lad of twenty, cheerful of spirit and a good deal of a +giant physically. + +"Well, Worthless," she said, with an affectionate glance into his fine +eyes, "where have you been all day?" + +"Looking for work, mother, as usual," said the young man, throwing a +small package on the table. "And you?" + +"The same old drudgery, dear," she replied, with a sigh. "Did you have +any luck?" + +"No, mother dear, not a bit," replied Aladdin. + +"Do you mean to tell me that in all this great city there is no work of +any kind that a hale, hearty, hungry boy like you can get to do?" she +demanded. + +"Plenty of it, mother," replied the boy; "plenty of it, but nothing in +my special line. Lots of snow-shovelling jobs and a position as guard on +the Subway were offered me, but I cannot demean myself by taking +anything of that sort, Mummsy dear. Father in the last days of his life +spent too many hours teaching me how to raise mushrooms under glass for +me to dishonor his memory by undertaking labor that is beneath that in +artistic quality, and just at present I cannot find anybody in all this +city who wants a helper in mushroom culture." + +"Then we shall have to go supperless to bed," sighed the poor woman. +"Not a penny in the house and the pantry bare. Oh, Aladdin, Aladdin, why +will you not give up this false pride of yours and get some kind of a +job that will at least feed yourself and help me pay the rent?" + +The boy was silent. He had had this same argument with his mother time +and time and again, and he was quite aware of the futility of speech in +trying to overcome her objections to what she termed his incorrigible +idleness. + +"What have you in the package?" the woman asked, after a prolonged +silence. + +"I don't know," replied Aladdin. "I picked it up outside the stage-door +of the Helicon Theatre. I saw it lying in the snow and I brought it +along with me. It is probably some kind of a make-up box belonging to +one of the performers. If there is any reward offered in any of the +morning papers for its return, maybe I shall earn a few honest pennies +by taking it back to its owner." + +His mother busied herself with the string, and in a moment it came +untied and a small brass lamp rolled out of the brown-paper covering. It +was very dirty and much battered. + +[Illustration: "HUMPH!" SAID SHE, SCORNFULLY] + +"Humph!" said she, scornfully, gazing at the homely little object. "I +don't think anybody will be foolish enough to offer a reward for a +trumpery little thing like that." + +"Ah, well," said Aladdin, gazing out of the shop window at the scurrying +crowds on the sidewalk, "it might be worse, Mummsy dear. We at least +have a roof over our heads this night, which is more than some of those +poor wretches have, and unless I am very much mistaken this storm that +is upon us is going to be a blizzard." + +In very truth a blizzard had descended upon the city. All the +transportation lines were blocked, and over on Broadway all traffic had +been tied up for hours. Thanks to the elevated-railway structure, this +portion of the Bowery still remained passable. Even this was +momentarily piling higher and higher with the snow, and the wind was in +one of its most violently rampageous moods. + +"How would you feel if your little Aladdin had a job as a chauffeur on a +night like this?" the lad went on. + +The poor woman shuddered and was about to reply, when a terrific crash +from without drove all thought of words from her mind. Hastily running +to the window, she, too, peered out into the street for a moment over +Aladdin's shoulder, but only for a moment, for in an instant the boy was +up and making for the door of the little tailor shop. A heavy limousine +car lay overturned upon its side upon the walk, its wheels having +skidded on the slippery, snow-covered pavement, and striking the curb, +toppled completely over. Aladdin, with the agility of a small monkey, +soon mounted to the upper side of the overturned vehicle, and, opening +the door, had assisted a beautifully arrayed young woman, possibly a +year or two younger than himself, from within, and after her, fuming +and condemning his luck and the world in general, a gray-haired and +apparently irascible old gentleman. + +"Mother!" cried Aladdin, as the girl fainted in his arms, "come quickly. +The young lady has fainted." + +The good woman needed no second bidding. She hastened to his side, and +the limp form of the young girl was carried in her strong, motherly arms +into the little back room behind the tailor shop, which formed their +only home. Shortly afterward the old gentleman came also, ushered in by +Aladdin. + +"She is safe?" cried he, with an anxious glance at the prostrate form of +his daughter. + +"Perfectly so, sir," replied Aladdin's mother. "She has only fainted. +Won't you sit down, sir?" she added. "You look a little shaken up +yourself." + +"Thank you," said the old gentleman, gazing around the room vainly in +search of a chair. "Ah--what shall I sit down on, madam?" + +"Try the stove, sir," laughed Aladdin. "It may warm it up a bit." + +The old man gazed frowningly at the boy, not relishing such levity at so +serious a moment, and Aladdin, slightly embarrassed by his own +frivolity, tried to cover his confusion by seizing the lamp that had +fallen from the package, and polishing its highly oxidized surface by +rubbing it on the patched knee of his trousers. And then a strange thing +came to pass. At the moment of the first attrition between his knee and +the little brass lamp the room seemed to fill with a gray mist and in +its gathering depths Aladdin perceived the huge figure of a blackamoor +gradually taking shape. + +"What the dickens!" muttered the lad to himself as the strange +apparition rose up before him, rubbing his eyes to make sure that he saw +clearly. "What do you want?" he added, springing to his feet as the +genie approached him. + +"I have come in response to your summons," replied the blackamoor. "Give +your orders, sir!" + +Aladdin grinned broadly at this. The idea of his ever giving orders to +anybody seemed so very absurd. Nevertheless, he fell in with the spirit +of the hour. + +"All right, Sambo," he returned. "Get this gentleman a chair. There may +be an extra one up-stairs in the music-room." + +The blackamoor disappeared for an instant and shortly returned bringing +with him the desired piece of furniture. + +"Thank you," said the old gentleman, as he took his seat with an uneasy +glance around him. The situation was not altogether without alarming +features. As for Aladdin, you could have knocked him over with a +palm-leaf fan, so astonished was he at this unusual development. + +"I wish I'd asked for something to eat," he muttered to himself. + +"So do I," observed the old gentleman. "I'd give five hundred dollars +just now for a boiled egg." + +"You ought to get one studded with diamonds at that price," laughed +Aladdin, and then just for a joke he turned to the blackamoor. "Get this +gentleman five hundred dollars' worth of boiled eggs, Sambo," he said. + +"Hard or soft, sir?" asked the genie. + +"Three minutes," said the old gentleman. + +Sambo made a low salaam to Aladdin, and departing, he returned four +minutes later followed by seven other blackamoors just like him, each +carrying a large wicker hamper on his shoulders. These they deposited in +various parts of the room, and, gravely opening them, disclosed to the +astounded gaze of Aladdin and his unknown guest hundreds of eggs, +steaming as though freshly taken from the pot. + +[Illustration: "THIS IS A HALF-PORTION, SIR," SAID SAMBO] + +"This is a half-portion, sir," said Sambo, addressing Aladdin. "We will +return with the remainder in a minute, sir." + +"Just wait a second," said Aladdin, scratching his head in bewilderment +at the sight of so many eggs obtained with such ease. "It may be that +these will be enough for the time being. I'll ask the old chap. Excuse +me, Mr.--er--Mr.--er, I didn't catch your name, sir." + +"I am Major Bondifeller, president of the United Mints of North +America," replied the old gentleman. "A person not to be trifled with, +young man, as you probably know very well." + +Aladdin gasped, as well he might. Here was old Rufus Bondifeller, +reputed to be the richest man in the world, a guest in his mother's +fast-failing little remnant of a tailor shop. + +"Gud-glad to mum-meet you, sir," stammered Aladdin. "Do you think +there's enough eggs here to satisfy your hunger? There appears to be +two hundred and fifty dollars' worth here now, but if you wish the rest +served immediately--" + +"Great heavens, no!" roared Bondifeller. "When I said I'd give five +hundred dollars for a boiled egg I was merely speaking figuratively. A +rich man can't eat any more boiled eggs at a sitting than a poor man; +fact is, half the time he can't eat as many without a bad attack of +angina pectoris." + +"All right," said Aladdin, resolved to carry off the extraordinary +situation with an outward nonchalance, in spite of the inner turmoil +that kept his brain whirling. "You needn't bother about the rest of +those eggs now, Sambo. Major Bondifeller can get along on these." + +The blackamoor and his companions disappeared even as they had come, +apparently irrespective of doorways, and utterly regardless of walls. +They seemed merely to melt through whatever solid substances there might +be between themselves and annihilation. As for Major Bondifeller, as he +observed these strange developments, his face grew set and rigid. He +eyed every movement of the blackamoors with uneasy attention until they +had vanished from sight, and then his flashing eye was riveted upon +Aladdin. Finally he spoke, sharply and to the point. + +"Well," he snapped, "how much?" + +Aladdin started. The icy tone of the speaker's voice chilled him, and it +was so peremptory that he felt for the moment as if he had been stung by +the lash. + +"How much what?" he said, finally, summoning up all his courage to face +the apparently angry millionaire. + +"Don't try to evade the point," retorted the Major, coldly. "Let's get +through with the business as quickly as we can. It is plain as a +pikestaff to anybody having half an eye that, taking advantage of our +mishap, you have lured my daughter and myself in here for your own +profit. No man keeps such a villainous-looking gang of niggers on hand +with an honest purpose. So what are your demands?" + +Aladdin laughed in spite of his disturbed frame of mind at the Major's +suspicions. It was such an absurd idea that he could be at the head of a +badger-gang, and yet, after all, he could not deny a certain sort of +reasonableness in the notion from Major Bondifeller's point of view. +Again taking the lamp casually in his hand, more as an outlet for his +embarrassment than for any other reason, he gave it a second rub and +started to answer the Major's question, but, as before, the mist again +appeared, and from its musty depths the blackamoor took shape and +salaamed before him. + +"Well, what is it now, Sambo?" demanded Aladdin, frowning at the +intruder. + +[Illustration: "YOU RUBBED THE LAMP, I BELIEVE?"] + +"Your orders, sir," said the blackamoor. "You rubbed the lamp, I +believe?" + +Aladdin's heart leaped into his mouth. _He had rubbed the lamp twice, +and twice had it brought him aid!_ Surely, there must be some magic +about this. + +"What if I did rub the lamp?" he queried, in a tremulous voice. "What's +that got to do with you?" + +"I and my comrades are slaves of the lamp, as your Highness very well +knows," replied the blackamoor. "Whatever your commands, the United +Order of Amalgamated Genii must obey." + +"_Hooray!_" cried Aladdin, dancing a wild fandango about the room. "_Who +wants the handsome waiter?_" + +As the full import of his new-found treasure dawned upon his mind, the +lad's ecstasy bade fair to surpass all bounds, but the chilling voice of +Bondifeller served to calm his effervescing spirit. + +"I want nothing but your proposition, so that I may get out of this den +as speedily as possible," he was saying. "I am not a man to beat about +the bush, and I realize that you have got me. What is it you demand?" + +"First and foremost, civility," said Aladdin, boldly, a sense of his own +power sweeping over him and giving him confidence. "I guess you'll find +that harder to negotiate than a check for a considerable sum, Major +Bondifeller, cash being a commoner commodity with you than civility. +Now, as a matter of fact, sir," the lad went on, "I had your daughter +carried in here out of that raging blizzard so that my mother could give +her the attention she needed. You I brought in also with no more +knowledge of who you were, and with no more idea of financially +profiting by your accident, than if you had been one of those +unfortunate tramps out on the Bowery there. But now that you have put +the idea in my mind that, perhaps, after all, nobody ever does anything +unselfishly in this world, I will make certain demands of you. To begin +with, you may pay me two hundred and fifty dollars for those eggs, and +as a mere act of ordinary generosity, you may tip the handsome waiter +fifty dollars. I understand, too, sir, that you are the proprietor of +these ten city blocks in which I and about twenty thousand of my +neighbors are housed?" + +"I believe I do own considerable property hereabouts," said the +millionaire, sullenly, "though I can't say offhand whether I do or not. +My agents look after my smaller investments." + +"Well," said Aladdin, "it don't make any difference to me whether you +remember what you own or not. The results so far as you are concerned +will be the same. You will have these ten blocks of houses torn down and +replaced by model tenements, turning the alternate blocks into city +parks for the children to play in." + +"But suppose I don't own 'em?" protested Bondifeller. + +"What you don't own, Major Bondifeller," returned Aladdin, "is too +trifling a detail for us to worry over. So long as you don't own me I +don't care a pickled herring what you do own. If it turns out upon +investigation that any of these pig-pens on these ten city squares +belong to anybody else, buy 'em." + +"Buy 'em?" snarled Bondifeller. "How can I buy 'em if the other man +won't sell?" + +"With money," said Aladdin; "the same stuff you always use to buy +anything else you happen to want, from an oil-painting or a Japanese +porcelain up to a State legislature or a man's conscience." + +"And if I don't agree?" demanded the old man, a truculent glare in his +eye, an eye before which the so-called powerful men of the earth had +trembled more than once in the past. + +Aladdin returned the gaze unflinchingly. Once more he rubbed the lamp, +and the genie appeared as before. + +"Sambo," said the lad, calmly, with a wink at the slave, "is dungeon +number thirty-seven on the fifteenth tier below the Subway occupied +to-night?" + +"No, sir," replied the blackamoor, with a grin. + +"Very well, then," said Aladdin, coldly; "you may provide a special +escort of fifteen of your best and most reliable genii and have them +take this young lady to her home at Zoocrest, Central Park East, taking +care that nothing shall occur either to frighten her or to make her +uncomfortable in any way. Meanwhile, you yourself, with five of our +biggest huskies, will file this gentleman here away for the night in +dungeon number thirty-seven, as aforesaid." + +"As your Highness directs," replied the obedient blackamoor. + +In a moment the still prostrate form of Miss Bondifeller was borne +gently from the room and placed in a large touring-car that suddenly +materialized without, and shortly Bondifeller, sitting ruefully alone in +the little back room, could hear it chugging up the snowbound street at +as lively a pace as any racer ever struck upon the smoothest of +boulevards. It was indeed an illuminating exhibition of the remarkable +resources of this extraordinary young man, and, strange to say, a +contemplation of it gave the old gentleman a curious sense of pleasure. +To be sure, he appeared to be in rather a bad predicament, but all the +same it was a novel sensation to him to encounter somebody who +apparently did not fear him. This was an emotion that he had not enjoyed +for many years, and it was not without its titillation. + +"I guess you've got me, young man," he said, rather meekly, when Aladdin +returned. + +"I guess that's a good guess," retorted Aladdin, nonchalantly. "There's +only one answer to the question that confronts you, and you've lit on it +the very first time. I don't intend to be at all vindictive, Major +Bondifeller," he continued, "but a little lesson in arbitrary power +isn't going to do you a bit of harm; so just make up your mind to take +your medicine, and let's save our breath to talk of more important +things. First thing, I'm hungry. Mother, please lay covers for three--" + +"But, my son," began the poor woman, who, in caring for the unconscious +girl, had seen nothing of what was going on, "we haven't a morsel of +food in the--" + +"Do as I say, mother," said Aladdin, quickly. "Sambo will attend to the +rest." + +"Gone clean out of his head, poor laddy!" murmured his mother, +hastening, nevertheless, to fulfil his commands, merely as a means of +keeping him quiet. Meanwhile, Aladdin, seizing the faithful lamp, gave +it another rub, and when the blackamoor appeared he ordered a royal +repast--so royal, indeed, that old Major Bondifeller's eyes nearly +popped out of his head as he ran over the order. A few suppers of that +sort would have bankrupted even so flourishing a concern as the United +Mints of North America. + +"Any favorite dish you'd like to add, Major?" asked Aladdin, genially. + +The old man's eyes filled with tears at this exhibition of kindness, +even at this moment when they were practically enemies at swords' +points. He could not remember in his own line of effort in many years +that he had himself ever extended any consideration to a fallen foe. + +"Why, I don't know," said he, his voice growing husky with emotion. +"Sometimes in the midst of all the luxury I am enjoying to-day my mind +runs back to those early days on the old farm when my mother's apple +pies seemed to be the perfection of culinary art." + +"Say no more, Major; you shall have your wish," laughed Aladdin. Then, +turning to the waiting attendant, he added, "Sambo, you may add to that +order one full portion of pallid pippin pie for pale people, with a +glass of buttermilk on the side." + +An hour later the happy little party--for Major Bondifeller had warmed +up considerably under the exhilarating influence of his strange +surroundings--broke up with a sense of repletion that neither Aladdin +nor his poor mother had enjoyed for many years. Indeed, it is doubtful +if the young man himself had ever had so square a meal as that in all +his life before. Over the cigars, Bondifeller tried to take up the +thread of their before-dinner discourse. + +"As for that business suggestion of yours--" he began, flicking the ash +airily from the end of his cigar, but Aladdin stopped him. + +"I make it a rule never to talk business at or immediately after dinner, +Major," he said, reprovingly. "The hour is late and dungeon number +thirty-seven awaits you. I trust you will sleep well. Sambo, show this +gentleman to his room." + +"But--" began Bondifeller. + +"On your way, Sambo!" said Aladdin. "And, remember, that if this +gentleman turns up missing in the morning you lose your union card. +Good-night!" + +When Aladdin awoke the following morning it was only natural that he +should regard the events of the night before as nothing more than a +fantastic dream, and he was chuckling softly to himself over its +manifest absurdities, when all of a sudden he spied the lamp on the +table of his humble little room. He eyed it keenly for a few minutes, +and then springing from the bed he seized it in his left hand and began +rubbing it feverishly with his right. As had invariably happened before, +the genie responded on the instant. + +"Your orders, your Highness," he said. + +Aladdin scratched his head in sheer bewilderment, but, pulling himself +together by a strong effort of will, he answered, somewhat haughtily: + +"Send a maid to my mother's room immediately with instructions to +replenish her wardrobe at once with whatever things she may choose to +ask for, and you may yourself bring me my new frock coat, with the +lavender trousers and the white piqué vest. You may lay out my best +shirred-front shirt and my mauve tie, and see that my silk socks match +the latter. I shall wear my patent-leather shoes this morning, and if my +silk hat shows any signs of wear, get me a new one." + +"Yes, your Highness," said the blackamoor. "And will your Grace +breakfast?" + +"Yes," said Aladdin. "Have breakfast on the table in one hour from +now--fried eggs, buckwheat cakes, tenderloin steak, and a little salt +fish. I desire, also, to have Major Bondifeller at breakfast with me, +and, mind you, tell him not to keep me waiting." + +"As your Highness wills," said the blackamoor, retiring. + +Aladdin's orders were fulfilled to the letter, and after the breakfast +was over he summoned the genie with a considerable flourish, which +deeply impressed his guest. + +"Now, Sambo," said he, "I want you to take the limousine, go up to the +St. Gotham Hotel and inform the proprietor that Monsieur Le Duc di +Lumière will arrive there, with his mother the Countess de Bougie, and +suite, precisely at noon, and desires the best accommodations the house +can provide. To inspire confidence you would better take a few diamond +necklaces with you and deposit them for safe-keeping at the office; and +while you are about it, I'd like a couple of thousand dollars for +pocket-money." + +As he gave these orders Aladdin scarcely dared look at the genie, for +fear of rebellion, but they seemed to make no impression at all upon the +blackamoor, who merely bowed his acquiescence and handed Aladdin a bag +full of gold pieces. As for the Major, who had passed a sleepless night, +he merely blinked amazedly at these astounding occurrences. Finally, he +found his voice. "You are the Duc di Lumière?" he asked. + +"At your service," said Aladdin. + +"And may I ask what you are doing here in these squalid quarters?" +continued the old man. + +"I am conducting a personal investigation into the lives of the +unfortunate," replied Aladdin. "By some extraordinary good chance the +Fates have thrown you, who are largely responsible for the awful +conditions I find here, into my hands, with power to control your +movements. Within a radius of ten city blocks, Major Bondifeller, there +are enough human souls living in squalid misery to populate a New +England city, and yet you pay no more attention to them, nay, not as +much, as you pay to a fly that enters your house and buzzes around your +pate. You give the fly some personal attention, but in this matter of +your tenements you do nothing whatsoever, leaving it to an agent to care +for your smaller interests. I believe those are your own words. Now, +sir, it is in my power to keep you here for as long a time as I wish, +but I don't want to make a prisoner of you. I want to give you a chance +to do something for your fellow-men, especially those who can never +hope to repay you save in gratitude. You heard my views last night. I +ask nothing for myself, for, as you see, I do not need anything for +myself. I have but to order what I wish, and it is here." + +"Your model tenements are a useless ideal," retorted Bondifeller. "Only +last year, at enormous expense, I put bath-tubs in all my tenements, and +my agent reports that the tenants use them to store their coal in." + +"And do you know why?" demanded Aladdin. + +"Ignorance, I presume," said Bondifeller, "allied to a love of squalor." + +"Nothing of the sort!" retorted Aladdin, pounding the table with his +fist. "It is because you spent all your appropriation on bath-tubs and +never even thought of putting one penny into the construction of +coal-bins." + +Bondifeller was silent. He had never thought of that before. + +"Well," he said, ruefully, "I suppose I must agree, but it will cost +twenty millions of dollars." + +"What's twenty millions to a man who controls the United Mints of North +America?" demanded Aladdin. + +"But if you keep me here I shall not control the United Mints of North +America!" shouted Bondifeller, pounding the table just a little on his +own account. "John W. Midas and Silas Reddymun have combined against me, +and if I am not at the board meeting at ten o'clock this morning I am +down and out." + +"Phew!" whistled Aladdin. "By Jove! Major, I'm glad you mentioned it in +time. It gives me an opportunity to show you just what this power of +mine amounts to." + +He rubbed the lamp and the genie appeared. + +"I desire the immediate presence here of Colonel John W. Midas and Mr. +Silas Reddymun, Sambo," said Aladdin. + +"To hear is to obey," replied the slave, making off. + +"You don't mean to say--" gasped Bondifeller. + +"Major Bondifeller," said Aladdin, "I am not the saying kind. I am a +plain, common garden doer. I admit that this time I am stretching things +a point, but you'll find my orders are obeyed." + +As indeed they were, to the astonishment of all concerned, not even +excepting Aladdin himself, who trembled at the audacity of his last +command. Within forty minutes the two gasping financiers whose presence +had been commanded sat before them. The genii had apparently taken them +just as they found them, for Reddymun still wore his bath-robe and Midas +was in his shirt-sleeves, with only one side of his face shaved. + +[Illustration: "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" THEY DEMANDED] + +"What the devil does this mean?" they demanded, in scarcely varying +terms. + +"It means," said Aladdin, calmly, now very sure of himself--as he had +every right to be, considering the already successful manifestation +of his powers--"it means, gentlemen, that the United Mints of North +America have passed into the control of a dark horse, who is familiarly +known to himself as Aladdin, Duc di Lumière, and that unless you +magnates get together inside of one hour and do something to clean up +the squalor and misery of this city as represented by these cesspools of +humanity termed the tenement districts, you will spend the balance of +your days in something worse. It is now twenty-seven minutes past eight. +You may go into executive session at half-past eight, and at half-past +nine I shall be ready to escort you either to your board-room at the +office of the United Mints of North America, or to the dark but wholly +secure safe-deposit vaults that I have designed for your accommodation +in the subterranean suburbs of this little burg." + +With these words, Aladdin departed. + +At noon that day Monsieur Le Duc di Lumière, with his mother the +Countess de Bougie, and suite, arrived at the St. Gotham Hotel. + +"There is a telegram for your Grace," observed the proprietor, as he +entered the royal salon. He handed over the little yellow envelope. +Aladdin tore it open hastily and read: + + M. LE DUC DI LUMIÈRE, _Hotel St. Gotham_: + + The Board of Directors of the United Mints of North America + have secured control of sixty blocks in the heart of the + tenement district of New York and will begin at once the + erection of thirty first-class model tenement houses, + costing two million apiece, each building fronting on all + four sides upon a complete city square to be devoted to + public parks for the people and playgrounds for the + children. Can you supply janitors? Answer, collect. + + (Signed) SILAS REDDYMUN, + JOHN W. MIDAS, + RUFUS BONDIFELLER. + +A year later, while Aladdin and Mr. Bondifeller were returning from the +opening ceremonies of the wonderful new tenements of lower New York in +the latter's motor, the aged financier gave his young friend's hand a +quick and affectionate pressure. + +"Duke," said he, his voice trembling with happiness, "you have made me +the happiest man in the world. When I looked out upon the sea of faces +of those tenants of our new houses, as you made your address, and saw +the look of hope in eyes that a year ago were filled with threatening +and despair, it gave me such a thrill as I never had before. Is there +anything else you can suggest wherein a man can use a few more millions +for the benefit of humanity?" + +"Yes," said Aladdin. "Now that you have done something for the poor, a +few millions spent for the amelioration of the habits of the rich would +be a great boon." + +"And how would you go about it?" asked the old man. + +"I don't know, Major," replied Aladdin. "It is a much harder proposition +than the other." + +"And meanwhile," said the old man, tremulously, "how can I show my own +gratitude to you personally for all you have done for me?" + +Aladdin looked across the car at the fair face of Marjorie Bondifeller, +whose lovely eyes fell as they caught his glance. + +"Well," said Aladdin, blushing a rosy red, "you might make me your son." + +"Ah, my boy," sighed the Major, as he shook his head sadly, "I am afraid +that is impossible. I don't think your mother would marry a +cross-grained old curmudgeon like me. I've been a widower for so many +years now that I have become set in my ways, and--" + +"But there's another way round, ain't there?" cried Aladdin. + +And there was, and that is how, my dear children, Marjorie Bondifeller +happened to become the Duchess di Lumière. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK*** + + +******* This file should be named 34423-8.txt or 34423-8.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/4/4/2/34423 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre> +<p>Title: Jack and the Check Book</p> +<p>Author: John Kendrick Bangs</p> +<p>Release Date: November 23, 2010 [eBook #34423]</p> +<p>Language: English</p> +<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> +<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK***</p> +<p> </p> +<h4>E-text prepared by Annie McGuire<br /> + from scanned images of public domain material generously made available by<br /> + the Google Books Library Project<br /> + (<a href="http://books.google.com/">http://books.google.com/</a>)</h4> +<p> </p> +<table border="0" style="background-color: #ccccff;margin: 0 auto;" cellpadding="10"> + <tr> + <td valign="top"> + Note: + </td> + <td> + Images of the original pages are available through + the the Google Books Library Project. See + <a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=WmoCAAAAYAAJ&printsec=frontcover"> + http://books.google.com/books?id=WmoCAAAAYAAJ&printsec=frontcover</a> + </td> + </tr> +</table> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 399px;"> +<img src="images/ill_001.jpg" width="399" height="600" alt="Book Cover" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;"><a name="ILL_002" id="ILL_002"></a> +<img src="images/ill_002.jpg" width="369" height="500" alt="THE WISH BROUGHT ABOUT THE MOST ASTONISHING RESULTS—See page 54" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE WISH BROUGHT ABOUT THE MOST ASTONISHING RESULTS—See page 54</span> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 369px;"> +<img src="images/ill_003.jpg" width="369" height="600" alt="Title Page, Jack and the Check Book by John Kendrick Bangs" title="" /> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p class="center">COPYRIGHT, 1911, BY HARPER & BROTHERS</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align='right'>I.</td><td align='left'><a href="#I"><b><span class="smcap">Jack and the Check-book</span></b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='right'>II.</td><td align='left'><a href="#II"><b><span class="smcap">The Great Wish Syndicate</span></b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='right'>III.</td><td align='left'><a href="#III"><b><span class="smcap">Puss, the Promoter</span></b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='right'>IV.</td><td align='left'><a href="#IV"><b><span class="smcap">The Golden Fleece</span></b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='right'>V.</td><td align='left'><a href="#V"><b><span class="smcap">The Invisible Cloak</span></b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='right'>VI.</td><td align='left'><a href="#VI"><b><span class="smcap">The Return of Aladdin</span></b></a></td></tr> +</table></div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2> + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_002"><b>THE WISH BROUGHT ABOUT THE MOST ASTONISHING RESULTS</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_007"><b>THE BEANS SCATTERED IN EVERY DIRECTION</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_008"><b>THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_009"><b>"BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN!"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_010"><b>"A WEEK'S VACATION IN LITTLE OLD NEW YORK"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_012"><b>WITHIN THE ANCIENT HOUSE SAT THE OWNER, RICHARD WILBRAHAM</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_013"><b>"BALLYHACK! LAST STATION——ALL OUT!"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_014"><b>WILBRAHAM PAID BEFORE LEAVING THE COURT-ROOM</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_016"><b>"I SUPPOSE I COULD SELL YOU, BILL"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_017"><b>"TELL 'EM TO TELL MR. BONDIFELLER THAT I AM TOO BUSY TO SEE HIM"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_018"><b>"GOOD-BYE, JACK"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_019"><b>"THE HANDSOMEST TOWER IN THE WORLD"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_020"><b>"COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED MR. DOBBINS</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_022"><b>"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_023"><b>"THERE'S THE MONEY, SIR"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_024"><b>POOR GASMERILDA SAT WHITE-FACED</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_025"><b>"I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER, GASMERILDA"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_026"><b>"THIS IS THE GREATEST CINCH IN THE HISTORY OF FINANCE"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_028"><b>"DERE ISS SOMEDINGS IN DOT SEADT, ALRETTY YET!"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_029"><b>"THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH MY NERVES"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_031"><b>"HUMPH!" SAID SHE, SCORNFULLY</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_032"><b>"THIS IS A HALF-PORTION, SIR," SAID SAMBO</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_033"><b>"YOU RUBBED THE LAMP, I BELIEVE?"</b></a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><a href="#ILL_034"><b>"WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" THEY DEMANDED</b></a></td></tr> +</table></div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="I" id="I"></a>JACK AND THE CHECK-BOOK</h2> + +<h2>I</h2> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 80px;"> +<img src="images/ill_004.jpg" width="80" height="100" alt="Decorative O" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>nce upon a time a great many years ago there lived a poor woman who, +having invested all her savings in mining shares, was soon brought to +penury and want. She had bought her modest little home and all there was +in it on the instalment plan, and here she was, upon a certain beautiful +morning in late spring, absolutely penniless, and three days off, +staring her in the face, were payments due on the piano, the kitchen +range and even<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span> on the house itself. Moreover, the winter had been a +bitter one. Four times had the water-pipes frozen and burst, and a +plumber's bill of appalling magnitude had come in the morning's mail, +with the stern admonition stamped in red letters at the bottom:</p> + +<h4>LONG PAST DUE.</h4> + +<h4>PLEASE REMIT.</h4> + +<p>The unhappy woman was at her wit's ends to know what to do. She had +tried to sell her shares in "Amalgamated War-whoop," only to find that +that once promising company had passed into the hands of a receiver, and +that there was an assessment, amounting to four times their face value, +due on the shares, so that every possible purchaser to whom she applied +refused to take the stock off her hands unless she paid them five +dollars a share for the service and would guarantee them against the +chance of further loss. All other means of raising the necessary +funds—and she had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span> tried them all—proved equally futile. The +savings-banks would not lend her a penny on a house of which the parlor +floor alone was clear of obligation, and the threat of the piano people +to remove that instrument if the March instalment, now a month over-due, +was not immediately forthcoming rendered that both unsalable and +valueless as security for a loan.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 300px;"> +<img src="images/ill_005.jpg" width="300" height="269" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>She sat, the perfect picture of hopeless despair, in her rocking-chair, +gazing moodily out of the window, thinking dreadful thoughts, and, it +may be, contemplating the alternative of suicide or marriage with the +village magnate, a miserable villain whom everybody detested, and who, +everybody knew very well, had been instrumental in the ruin of her +deceased husband, a once prosperous haberdasher. But on a sudden her +look of despair faded wholly away and a great light of happiness +illumined her eyes, as up the garden path, whistling merrily as he +strode along, came her son<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span> Jack, a lad of fifteen, the comfort and +solace of her lonely days.</p> + +<p>"Dear boy!" she murmured softly to herself as he waved his hand at her, +"he is the only thing I have left that there isn't something due on."</p> + +<p>The boy, entering the room, still whistling, flung his cap up on the +table and kissed his mother affectionately.</p> + +<p>"Well, mother," he said, joyously, "our troubles are over at last."</p> + +<p>Her face beamed an eager inquiry. The sudden, overwhelming happiness of +the news itself deprived her of the power of speech for a moment, and +then with difficulty she gasped out the words:</p> + +<p>"Then you have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> secured a place with steady wages, my son?"</p> + +<p>Her heart beat wildly as she awaited the answer.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 400px;"> +<img src="images/ill_006.jpg" width="400" height="351" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>"No, mother," he replied, promptly. "The only position open to me was +that of private secretary to old Jonas Bilkins, my father's enemy, and +when he found out that I was my father's son he fired me out of his +office."</p> + +<p>"No wonder!" muttered the woman. "He didn't dare let you have access to +his private papers. He knows that every penny he calls his own belongs +by right to us, and once you got hold of his letter-files and secret +documents you could prove it."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p> + +<p>"So he said, mother dear," said the boy. "He was brutally frank about +it, and when I told him what I thought of him, and advised him to pick +out a nice, comfortable jail to spend his declining years in, he threw +his check-book at my head."</p> + +<p>"The miserable villain!" groaned the old lady. "Did it hit you?"</p> + +<p>"No, indeed," laughed Jack. "My baseball training helped me out there. I +caught it on the fly and have brought it home with me. Meanwhile, I have +sold the cow."</p> + +<p>"You have?" cried the delighted mother, clasping him warmly in her arms.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Yes," said Jack, proudly. "We need not go hungry to-day, mother. I +swapped her off for a pot of beans."</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_007" id="ILL_007"></a> +<img src="images/ill_007.jpg" width="500" height="340" alt="THE BEANS SCATTERED IN EVERY DIRECTION" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE BEANS SCATTERED IN EVERY DIRECTION</span> +</div> + +<p>An awful, despairing silence followed this announcement. The old lady +loved her son beyond everything in the world, but this was too much even +for a mother's love. The idea that a first-class Jersey cow worth not +less than forty-five dollars regarded<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> merely as raw material for the +table, and not taking into account her value as a producer of rich, +creamy milk, should have been bartered for a miserable pot of beans, and +doubtless pickled beans at that, was the last straw of misfortune that +broke the back of the Camel of Maternal Patience, and with certain +phrases of a forceful nature she seized the pot from her son's trembling +hand and flung it with such impetus against the garden wall that it was +shattered into countless fragments, and the beans scattered in every +direction. After this attack of rage she took to her bed, weeping<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> +bitterly. Jack too, stunned by his kind mother's wrath, retired to his +little cot in the attic, and sought relief from his troubles and the +gnawing pangs of hunger in sleep.</p> + +<p>But lo and behold! the following morning a strange thing had happened. +Jack, upon waking early, found his once sunny window obscured by a heavy +growth of leaves, and on dressing rapidly and going into the garden<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span> to +see what had caused this strange condition of affairs, was surprised to +find a splendid bean-stalk sprung up during the night, and, what was +still more wonderful, still springing, moving rapidly upward like the +escalator he had once seen upon the elevated railway in New York when +with his father he had visited that wonderful city to inspect the spring +and autumn styles for the haberdashery.</p> + +<p>He gazed at it in wondering amazement, and then the silence was broken. +"All aboard for Ogreville!" cried a squeaky little voice from behind one +of the branches. "Step lively, please! All aboard!"</p> + +<p>Jack, nothing loath for a new experience, immediately seated himself +astride one of the rapidly rising tendrils, and soon found himself +soaring in the upper air, far, far above the earth, upon what he came +subsequently to call his "Aero-Bean."</p> + +<p>"Well, we have you at last," said the squeaky little voice from behind +the leaves,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> pleasantly. "You may not remember it, my lad, but you once +gave up your strap on a subway train to a tired-looking woman and she +has never forgotten your kindness. It so happens that she was Queen of +the Fairies, and later on she became Chairman of the Board of Directors +of the United States Fairy Corporation of Wall Street. You are now about +to receive your reward. You have Major Bilkins's check-book with you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Jack. "He threw it at me yesterday, and I've had it ever +since."</p> + +<p>"Good!" said the squeaky little voice. "What is the old man's balance?"</p> + +<p>"Three million five hundred and seventy-five thousand four hundred and +fifty-seven dollars," said Jack, reading off the figures slowly, and +gasping at the thought of anybody's having so much money as that on +hand.</p> + +<p>"H'm!" said the squeaky little voice. "It is rather less than I had +thought.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> However, we can fix that without much trouble. Zeros are +cheap. Just add six of them to that balance."</p> + +<p>"Do you mean add or affix?" asked Jack.</p> + +<p>"Affix is what I should have said," replied the squeaky little voice. +"Get out your fountain pen and tag 'em on."</p> + +<p>Jack immediately obeyed.</p> + +<p>"Now what does it come to?" asked the little voice.</p> + +<p>"Three trillion five hundred and seventy-five billion four hundred and +fifty-seven million dollars," stammered Jack, his eyes bulging with +amazement.</p> + +<p>"That's better," laughed the little voice. "Thus you see, my boy, how +easy it is to make much out of a little if you only know how. Three and +a half trillions is a pretty tidy bit of pocket-money for a boy of your +age. So be careful how you use it, my son. Use it wisely, and all will +be well with you."</p> + +<p>As the voice spoke these words the growing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> stalk came to a sudden stop, +and the voice added:</p> + +<p>"Ogreville! Last stop! All out!"</p> + +<p>The boy stepped off the stalk, and found himself in a magnificently +broad and fertile country. Great fields of waving grain, numberless +pasturages filled with prize cattle of all sorts, surrounded him on +every hand. Trees heavily laden with rare fruits bordered the highways, +and everything everywhere bore unmistakable evidences of a rare +prosperity.</p> + +<p>"Phe-e-ew!" whistled Jack, blinking with joy at all he saw before him. +"This looks like the land of milk and honey all right. And only twenty +minutes by bean-car from New York! What a chance for corner lots, and an +easy suburb for business men!"</p> + +<p>The lad wandered along for a while, rejoicing in all the beauties of the +wondrous scene, when, coming to a turn in the magnificently laid road, +he perceived not far ahead of him a splendidly built castle, much +resembling<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> a famous city hotel he had once passed on a sight-seeing +coach, and, remembering on a sudden that he had had no breakfast, he +walked boldly up to the main entrance and knocked on the massive bronze +door. A beautiful young girl about his own age answered the summons.</p> + +<p>"I don't know if this is a hotel," said Jack, politely, "but if it is, +might I get a bite here?"</p> + +<p>"I fear you might if my stepfather should happen to see you," replied +the girl with a shudder, her face mantling with a deep luscious red, the +like of which Jack had never seen anywhere save on the petal of a rose +or the cheek of a cherry.</p> + +<p>The silvery tones of her voice thrilled him.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," he said, stepping into the hallway through the open door. +"I shall be very glad to meet your stepfather, and if, while I am +waiting, I might have a couple of scrambled eggs and a cup of coffee—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, go! Do not stay here!" pleaded the girl. "Please go!"</p> + +<p>"I go?" laughed Jack. "And leave you? Never!"</p> + +<p>"But you do not understand," trembled the girl. "My stepfather is an +ogre, and he eats—"</p> + +<p>"I only understand one thing," said Jack, valiantly. "And that is that I +love you with all my heart. I don't care if your stepfather eats—"</p> + +<p>"For my sake then, go!" pleaded the girl. "I too am not unsusceptible to +the dart of love, and for the first time I look upon a spirit I could +honor and obey, but—"</p> + +<p>"Then it is love at first sight for both of us," said Jack, folding her +in his arms.</p> + +<p>It was indeed a blissful moment for both, but alas! it was more than +fleeting, for suddenly there came from an inner room off the great +corridor a terrific voice, roaring:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">"FEE-FO-FI-FOY!</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A HIGH-SCHOOL BOY.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">BE HE REAL OR BE HE FAKE</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">I'LL GRIND HIS BONES FOR A BUCKWHEAT CAKE."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>"Oho!" cried Jack, springing back. "I think I've heard something like +that before. This is not a hotel, but the castle of that child-eating +ogre—"</p> + +<p>"The very same!" cried the girl, her face blanching with terror. "And, +what is worse, he hasn't had a boy to eat for three weeks. If you truly +love me, I beg you will fly at once."</p> + +<p>"Sorry to be disobliging, but I can't fly, my beloved. I've left my +aeroplane at home. In short, my dear—er—er—what is your name, +sweetheart?"</p> + +<p>"Beanhilda," replied the blushing girl.</p> + +<p>"In short, my dear Beanhilda," Jack resumed, "having no wings, I cannot +fly."</p> + +<p>"Alas!" cried the girl, bursting into floods<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> of tears as the ogre +suddenly appeared in the hallway, and seizing Jack by the collar of his +coat held him high in the air between his thumb and forefinger. "Alas! +it is too late. I shall never get a fiancé past step-papa's +breakfast-table!"</p> + +<p>"No, my child," grinned the ogre, smacking his lips hungrily. "It is not +too late. He is just in time. I have been wanting a couple of poached +boys on toast for three solid weeks, and the butcher has just telephoned +me that there isn't a fresh kid to be had for love or money in any of +the markets."</p> + +<p>"I am sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Ogre," said Jack, as calmly as he +could under the trying circumstances, "but I won't poach well. I'm +half-back on our high-school eleven, and, as a matter of fact, am known +as the toughest lad in my native town."</p> + +<p>A shadow of disappointment crossed the ogre's face.</p> + +<p>"Confound football!" he growled. "I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> haven't managed to get a tender boy +since the season opened."</p> + +<p>"Moreover," said Jack, seeing that the time for strategy had arrived, "I +didn't come here for your breakfast, I came for mine."</p> + +<p>"By Jove, you shall have it!" cried the ogre, slapping the table with +his fists so hard that the platters and glasses upon its broad surface +jumped up and down. "I like nerve, and you are the only kid I've caught +in forty years that didn't begin to yell like mad the minute I grabbed +him. We'll keep you here and feed you on the fat of the land, until you +have sort of softened up. Sit down, sir, and have your fill. Beanhilda, +get the lad a cup of coffee."</p> + +<p>The ogre placed Jack in a high-chair at his side, and they breakfasted +together like two old cronies, the fair Beanhilda waiting upon them, and +with every passing moment convincing Jack, by her grace, beauty, and +amiability, of the solid fact that he loved her<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> ardently. It was a +terrible sight to see the ogre swallow a whole lamb at one bite, taking +it up by its tail and dropping it into his mouth as if it were no more +than a stalk of asparagus, and consuming not less than fifty-seven +varieties of breakfast food, boxes, wrapping, premiums and all at one +spoonful, but the lad's nerve never deserted him for a moment, and he +chatted away as pleasantly as though breakfasting with ogres was one of +the accustomed operations of his every-day life.</p> + +<p>"This is a great place you have here, Mr. Ogre," he remarked, sipping +his coffee slowly. "Of course, it isn't quite as rich and fertile as my +own little place up in Vermont, and your cattle, though evidently of +fine breed, are hardly what Montana ranch-men would consider first +class. Still—"</p> + +<p>The ogre stopped eating and looked at the speaker with considerable +surprise.</p> + +<p>"You mean to say you can beat this place of mine anywhere?" he +demanded.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Well," said Jack, amiably, "of course I don't mean to criticise this +beautiful country. It is very beautiful in its own way, and there is +some evidence of wealth here. I was only saying that next to my place it +comes pretty near to being the finest I ever saw."</p> + +<p>"I guess you'd go a good many miles before you'd see a castle like +mine," said the ogre, with a proud glance around him.</p> + +<p>"I haven't seen your castle yet, sir," said Jack. "But this little +bungalow we are in strikes me as about as cute and comfy a cozy-corner +as I've visited in a month of Sundays."</p> + +<p>"Bungalow?" roared the giant. "You don't call this a bungalow, do you?"</p> + +<p>"Why, yes," said Jack. "It certainly isn't a tent, or a chicken-coop, or +a tool-house, is it? It's mighty comfy anyhow, whatever you call it. I +wouldn't mind owning it myself."</p> + +<p>A glitter came into the ogre's eyes. If<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> this young man were merely +bluffing now was the time to call him.</p> + +<p>"Oh, as for that," said the ogre, with a sarcastic laugh, "you can own +it—that is, you can if you can pay for it. I'll sell."</p> + +<p>Here he winked at the butler as much as to say, "Now we'll see him +flop." But Jack had no intention of flopping.</p> + +<p>"Really?" he said, with a great show of enthusiasm. "Well, this is fine. +I hadn't the slightest idea the place was in the market, but if we can +get together on a figure, I might be tempted. How much?"</p> + +<p>"What would you say to $2,500,000?" demanded the ogre, with a grim +smile.</p> + +<p>"Done!" said Jack. "And cheap at the price."</p> + +<p>Here he drew out the check-book, and drew a check for the full amount to +the order of William J. Ogre, Esq., which he tossed across the table to +the amazed giant.</p> + +<p>"There's your money," he said. "Fork over the deeds."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p> + +<p>The ogre rubbed his eyes, and almost stopped breathing for a moment.</p> + +<p>"H'm!" he muttered, inspecting the check closely. "This looks pretty +good to me. What kind of a book is that, young man?"</p> + +<p>"That?" laughed Jack. "Oh, that's what we call the magic check-book. It +is the kind that all our big financiers use—Mr. Rockernegie, Colonel +Midas, and John Jacob Rothschild, and all the rest of them. It is merely<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> +an ingenious financial contrivance that enables us to avoid contact with +actual money, which is not only vulgar and dangerous to carry in large +quantities, but in some cases is full of germs." The lad went on and +explained to the ogre just how checks were drawn and presented for +payment.</p> + +<p>"It's a pretty nice sort of an arrangement, that," said the ogre, very +much interested, "but suppose you draw out your whole balance, what +then?"</p> + +<p>"All you have to do is to affix a half dozen ciphers to the remainder +before you start<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> the overdraft," said Jack. "For instance, on my way +up here this morning I found that the balance on hand was only +$3,575,457, so, feeling that I should be more comfortable with just a +little more ready money to carry me along, I added those six ciphers you +see on the right-hand side of the figures, bringing the balance up to +$3,575,457,000,000. If you will examine the ciphers under a microscope, +sir, you will note that they have only recently been entered."</p> + +<p>"By thunder!" roared the ogre, glaring at the book enviously. "This is<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> +one of the marvels of the age. Why, armed with a book like that you can +buy anything in sight!"</p> + +<p>"If the other man will sell," said Jack. "By-the-way, would you mind if +I lit my after-breakfast cigarette?"</p> + +<p>"Go ahead! Go ahead! Do anything you darn please," said the ogre, gazing +at him with wonder.</p> + +<p>Jack thereupon drew a check for $500,000,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> tore it from the book, and +rolled it into a small cylinder, which he filled with some corn-silk he +had in his pocket, and then lit it with another check for a similar +amount.</p> + +<p>The ogre's eyes nearly popped out of his head at such a marvellous +exhibition of resources.</p> + +<p>"It makes an expensive smoke," smiled Jack, settling back to the +enjoyment of the cigarette, "but after all, as long as I have the money, +why not enjoy myself? Will you join me?"</p> + +<p>He took up his pen as though to make another.</p> + +<p>"No, no, no!" cried the ogre, walking agitatedly up and down the floor. +"I—er—I'm afraid it's too soon after breakfast for me. Do you mean to +tell me that such an inexhaustible treasure as this really exists?"</p> + +<p>"There it is, right before your eyes," said Jack. "Suppose we test it. +Think of a large sum of money, tell me what it is, and see if I can't go +you a dollar better."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Four hundred millions!" cried the ogre, impulsively.</p> + +<p>"Piker!" ejaculated Jack, with a smile, as he drew his check for +$400,000,001.</p> + +<p>"A billion and a half!" cried the ogre.</p> + +<p>"Now you're beginning to get your pace," laughed Jack. "There's my<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span> +check, sir, for $1,500,000,001, according to specifications."</p> + +<p>"That reduces your balance some, though," said the ogre.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Jack. "It reduces it by $1,900,000,002, leaving me with only +$3,573,574,999,998 on hand, but if I affix six ciphers to that, as I +will now proceed to do, I have, as the figures conclusively show, +$3,575,574,999,998,000,000, or about a squillion more than I had before<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> +I began to draw."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_008" id="ILL_008"></a> +<img src="images/ill_008.jpg" width="500" height="456" alt="THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR</span> +</div> + +<p>The ogre collapsed in his chair. The magnitude of these figures appalled +him.</p> + +<p>"Great glory!" he cried. "I didn't know there was that much money in the +world. Can—can anybody work that book?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Anybody who comes by it honestly and without trickery," said Jack. "Of +course, if a man gets hold of it in an unscrupulous way, or goes back on +his bargain, it's as valueless to him as so much waste paper."</p> + +<p>The ogre strode up and down the room, filled with agitation. He had +thought to trick the boy out of his wonderful possession—in fact, to +swallow him whole and then appropriate his treasure, but Jack's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> +explanation put an entirely new phase on the matter.</p> + +<p>"I suppose you wouldn't part with that book?" he finally asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Jack. "I'll let you have it if you will transfer all your +property irrevocably to your stepdaughter, Beanhilda, and give me her +hand in marriage."</p> + +<p>"It's a bargain!" gulped the ogre, whereupon he summoned his lawyers and +his secretaries, and by noon all his possessions had passed beyond +recall into the hands of Beanhilda. A special messenger was sent<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span> down +the bean-stalk to fetch Jack's mother, and that afternoon the happy lad +and the fair Princess of Ogreville were married with much pomp and +ceremony.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_009" id="ILL_009"></a> +<img src="images/ill_009.jpg" width="500" height="453" alt=""BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN!"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN!"</span> +</div> + +<p>"Bless you, my children!" murmured the ogre, as the irrevocable words +were spoken by the priest, and Jack passed the magic check-book over to +its new owner. "May you live long and happily. As for me, I'm off for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> +week's vacation in little old New York."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_010" id="ILL_010"></a> +<img src="images/ill_010.jpg" width="500" height="381" alt=""A WEEK'S VACATION IN LITTLE OLD NEW YORK"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"A WEEK'S VACATION IN LITTLE OLD NEW YORK"</span> +</div> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"How did you manage it, sweetheart?" whispered Beanhilda in her +husband's ear a few weeks later. "Step-papa had such a penchant for +hard-boiled boys that I feared you were lost the moment he appeared."</p> + +<p>Jack explained the whole history of the magic check-book to her, but +when he had done, his bride grew white.</p> + +<p>"But what if he comes back?" she cried, shuddering with fear. "His +vengeance will be terrible."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Have no fear, Beanhilda," Jack answered. "He will not return. Read +that."</p> + +<p>And he handed her an evening paper in which, with rapidly drying eyes, +she read the following:</p> + +<h4>SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS FOR PASSING BAD CHECKS</h4> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>William J. Ogre, claiming to be a prominent resident of +Ogreville, who was arrested at the St. Gotham Hotel last +Thursday afternoon on a charge of having passed a dozen +bogus checks for amounts ranging from ten to fifteen +thousand dollars apiece, was found guilty yesterday by a +jury in the criminal branch of the United States Circuit +Court. He was sentenced to fifteen years' imprisonment at +hard labor in the Federal Prison at Thomasville, Georgia, on +each of the five different counts, making his prison term in +all not less than seventy-five years. Other indictments are +still pending against him for forgery on the complaint of +Major Bilkins, president of the Suburban Trust Company, of +whose name he was found availing himself in his criminal +transactions. Major Bilkins, when seen last night by a +reporter of this paper, stated his intention of keeping the +shameless operator in jail for the rest of his natural life.</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I shouldn't sit up for papa if I were you, Beanhilda," said Jack, with +a smile. "It looks to me as if he was going to be detained down-town +late on business."</p> + +<p>And the young couple lived happily forever after.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="II" id="II"></a>II</h2> + +<h3>THE GREAT WISH SYNDICATE</h3> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 81px;"> +<img src="images/ill_011.jpg" width="81" height="100" alt="Decorative T" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>he farm had gone to ruin. On every side the pastures were filled with a +rank growth of thistles and other thorn-bearing flora. The farm +buildings had fallen into a condition of hopeless disrepair, and the old +house, the ancestral home of the Wilbrahams, had become a place of +appalling desolation. The roof had been patched and repatched for +decades, and now fulfilled none of the ideals of its roofhood save that +of antiquity. There was not, as far as the eye could see, a single whole +pane of glass in any one of the many windows<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> of the mansion, and there +were not wanting those in the community who were willing to prophesy +that in a stiff gale—such as used to be prevalent in that section of +the world, and within the recollection of some of the old settlers +too—the chimneys, once the pride of the county, would totter and fall, +bringing the whole mansion down into chaos and ruin. In short, the +one-time model farm of the Wilbrahams had become a by-word and a jest +and, as some said, of no earthly use save for the particular purposes of +the eccentric artist in search of picturesque subject-matter for his +studies in oil.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_012" id="ILL_012"></a> +<img src="images/ill_012.jpg" width="500" height="400" alt="WITHIN THE ANCIENT HOUSE SAT THE OWNER, RICHARD WILBRAHAM" title="" /> +<span class="caption">WITHIN THE ANCIENT HOUSE SAT THE OWNER, RICHARD WILBRAHAM</span> +</div> + +<p>It was a wild night, and within the ancient house sat the owner, Richard +Wilbraham, his wife not far away, trying to find room upon her husband's +last remaining pair of socks to darn them. Wilbraham gazed silently into +the glowing embers on the hearth before them, the stillness of the +evening broken only by the hissing of the logs<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span> on the andirons and an +occasional sigh from one of the watchers.</p> + +<p>Finally the woman spoke.</p> + +<p>"When does the mortgage fall due, Richard?" she asked, moving uneasily +in her chair.</p> + +<p>"To-morrow," gulped the man, the word seeming to catch in his throat and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> +choke him.</p> + +<p>"And you—you are sure Colonel Digby will not renew it?" she queried.</p> + +<p>"He even declines to discuss the matter," said Wilbraham. "He contents<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span> +himself with shaking it in my face every time I approach his office, +while he tells his office-boy to escort me to the door. I don't believe +in signs, Ethelinda, but I do believe that that is an omen that if the +money is not forthcoming at noon to-morrow you and I will be roofless by +this time to-morrow night."</p> + +<p>The woman shuddered.</p> + +<p>"But, Richard," she protested, "you—you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> had put by the money to pay +it long ago. What has become of it?"</p> + +<p>"Gone, Ethelinda—gone in that ill-advised egg deal I tried to put +through two years ago," sighed Wilbraham, as he buried his face in his +hands to hide his grief and mortification. "I sold eggs short," he +added. "You remember when that first batch of incubator hens began +laying so prolifically—it seemed to me as though Fortune stared me in +the face—nay, held out her hands to me and bade me welcome to a share +in her vast estates. There was a great shortage of eggs in the market +that year, and I went to New York and sold them by the dozens—hundreds +of dozens—thousands of dozens—"</p> + +<p>He rose up from his chair and paced the floor in an ecstasy of +agitation. "I sold eggs by the million, Ethelinda," he went on, by a +great effort regaining control of himself. "Eggs to be laid by hens +whose great-great-great-grandmothers had yet to be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> hatched from eggs +yet unlaid by unborn chickens."</p> + +<p>Wilbraham's voice sank to a hoarse, guttural whisper.</p> + +<p>"And the deliveries have bankrupted me," he muttered. "The price of eggs +has risen steadily for the past eighteen months, and yesterday a hundred +thousand of January, strictly fresh, that I had to buy in the open +market in order to fill my contracts, cost me not only my last penny, +but were in part paid for with a sixty-day note that I cannot hope to +meet. In other words, Ethelinda, we are ruined."</p> + +<p>The woman made a brave struggle to be strong, but the strain was too +much for her tired nerves and she broke down and wept bitterly.</p> + +<p>"We have but four hens left," Wilbraham went on, speaking in a hollow +voice. "At most, working them to their full capacity, in thirty days +from now we shall have only ten dozen eggs added to our present<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> store, +and upon that date I have promised to deliver to the International Cold +Storage Company one thousand dozen at twenty-two and a half cents a +dozen. Even with the mortgage out of the way we should still be securely +bound in the clutch of bankruptcy."</p> + +<p>A long silence ensued. The clock out in the hall ticked loudly, each +clicking sound falling upon Wilbraham's ears like a sledge-hammer blow +in a forge, welding link by link a chain of ruin that should forever +bind him in the shackles of misery. Unbroken save by the banging now and +then of a shutter in the howling wind without, the silence continued for +nearly an hour, when the nerve-killing monotony of the ceaseless +"tick-tock, tick-tock" of the clock was varied by a resounding hammering +upon the door.</p> + +<p>"It is very late," said the woman. "Who do you suppose can be calling at +this hour? Be careful when you open the door—it may be a highwayman."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I should welcome a highwayman if he could help me to find anything in +the house worth stealing," said Wilbraham, as he rose from his chair and +started for the door. "Whoever it may be, it is a wild night, and +despite our poverty we can still keep open house for the stranger on the +moor."</p> + +<p>He hastened to the door and flung it wide.</p> + +<p>"Who's there?" he cried, gazing out into the blackness of the storm.</p> + +<p>A heavy gust of wind, icy cold, blew out his candle, and a great mass of +sleet coming in with it fell with a dull, sodden thud on the floor at +his feet, and some of it cut his cheek.</p> + +<p>"I am a wanderer," came a faint voice from without, "frozen and starved. +In the name of humanity I beg you to take me in, lest I faint and +perish."</p> + +<p>"Come in, come in!" cried Wilbraham. "Whoever you are, you are more than +welcome to that which is left us; little enough in all conscience."</p> + +<p>An aged man, bent and weary, staggered<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> in through the door. Wilbraham +sprang toward him and caught his fainting form in his strong arms. +Tenderly he led him to his own abandoned chair by the fireside, where he +and his faithful wife chafed the old fellow's hands until warmth had +returned to them.</p> + +<p>"A cup of tea, my dear," said Wilbraham. "It will set him up."</p> + +<p>"And a morsel to eat, I implore you," pleaded the stranger, in a weak, +tremulous voice. "The merest trifle, good sir, even if it be only an +egg!"</p> + +<p>The woman grew rigid at the suggestion. "An egg? At this time when eggs +are—" she began.</p> + +<p>"There, there, Ethelinda," interrupted Wilbraham, gently. "We have two +left in the ice-box—your breakfast and mine. Rather than see this good +old man suffer longer I will gladly go without mine. The fact is, eggs +have sort of disagreed with me latterly anyhow, and—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It is as you say, Richard," said the woman, meekly, as with a hopeless +sigh she turned toward the kitchen, whence in a short time she returned, +bearing a steaming creation of her own make—a lustrous, golden egg, +poached, and lying invitingly upon the crisp bosom of a piece of toast. +It was a sight of beauty, and Wilbraham's mouth watered as he gazed +hungrily upon it.</p> + +<p>And then the unexpected happened: The aged stranger, instead of +voraciously devouring the proffered meal, with a kindly glance upon his +host, raised his withered hands aloft as though to pronounce a +benediction upon him, and in a chanting tone droned forth the lines:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">"Who eats this egg and toast delicious</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">Receives the gift of three full wishes—</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">Thus do the fairy folk reward</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">The sacrifices of this board."</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>A low, rumbling peal of thunder and a blinding flash as of the lightning +followed, and when the brilliant illumination of the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span> latter had died +away the stranger had vanished.</p> + +<p>Wilbraham looked at his wife, dumb with amazement, and she, tottering +backward into her chair, gazed back, her eyes distended with fear.</p> + +<p>"Have I—have I been dreaming?" he gasped, recovering his speech in a +moment. "Or have we really had a visitor?"</p> + +<p>"I was going to ask you the same question, Richard," she replied. "It +really was so very extraordinary, I can hardly believe—"</p> + +<p>And then their eyes fell upon the steaming egg, still lying like a +beautiful sunset on a background of toast upon the table.</p> + +<p>"The egg!" she cried, hoarsely. "It must have been true."</p> + +<p>"Will you eat it?" asked Wilbraham, politely extending the platter in +her direction.</p> + +<p>"Never!" she cried, shuddering. "I should not dare. It is too uncanny."</p> + +<p>"Then I will," said Wilbraham. "If the old man spoke the truth—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p> + +<p>He swallowed the egg at a single gulp.</p> + +<p>"Fine!" he murmured, in an ecstasy of gastronomic pleasure. "I wish +there were two more just like it!"</p> + +<p>No sooner had he spoken these words than two more poached eggs, even as +he had wished, appeared upon the platter.</p> + +<p>"Great heavens, Ethelinda!" he cried. "The wishes come true! I wish to +goodness I knew who that old duffer was."</p> + +<p>The words had scarcely fallen from his lips when a card fluttered down +from the ceiling. Wilbraham sprang forward excitedly and caught it as it +fell. It read:</p> + +<h4>HENRY W. OBERON</h4> + +<h4>Secretary, The United States Fairy Co.,</h4> + +<h4>3007 Wall Street</h4> + +<p>"Henry W. Oberon, United States Fairy Company, Wall Street, eh?" he +muttered. "By Jove, I wish I knew—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Stop!" cried his wife, seizing him by the arm, imploringly. "Do stop, +Richard. You have used up two of your wishes already. Think what you +need most before you waste the third."</p> + +<p>"Wise Ethelinda," he murmured, patting her gently on the hand. "Very, +very wise, and I will be careful. Let me see now.... I wish I had ... I +wish I had...."</p> + +<p>He paused for a long time, and then his face fairly beamed with a great +light of joy.</p> + +<p>"I wish I had three more wishes!" he cried.</p> + +<p>Another crash of thunder shook the house to its very foundations, and a +lightning flash turned the darkness of the interior of the dwelling into +a vivid golden yellow that dazzled them, and then all went dusk again.</p> + +<p>"Mercy!" shuddered the good wife. "I hope that was an answer to your +wish."</p> + +<p>"It won't take long to find out," said Wilbraham. "I'll tackle a few +more natural desires right here and now, and if they come<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> true I'll +know that that thunderbolt was a rush message from the United States +Fairy Company telling me to draw on them at sight."</p> + +<p>"Well, don't be extravagant," his wife cautioned him.</p> + +<p>"I'll be as extravagant as I please," he retorted. "If my fourth wish<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> +works, Ethelinda, my address from this hour on will be Easy Street and +Treasury Avenue. I wish first then that this old farm was in Ballyhack!"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_013" id="ILL_013"></a> +<img src="images/ill_013.jpg" width="500" height="211" alt=""BALLYHACK! LAST STATION—ALL OUT!"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"BALLYHACK! LAST STATION—ALL OUT!"</span> +</div> + +<p>"Ballyhack! Last station—all out!" cried a hoarse voice at the door.</p> + +<p>Wilbraham rushed to the window and peered out into what had been the +night, but had now become a picture of something worse. Great clouds of +impenetrable smoke hung over the grim stretches of a dismal-looking +country in which there seemed to be nothing but charred remnants of +ruined trees and blackened rocks, over which, in an endless line, a +weary mass of struggling plodders,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> men and women, toiled onward +through the grime of a hopeless environment.</p> + +<p>"Great Scott!" he cried, in dismay, as the squalid misery of the +prospect smote upon his vision. "This is worse than Diggville. I wish to +heaven we were back again."</p> + +<p>"Diggville! Change cars for Easy Street and Fortune Square!" cried the +hoarse voice at the door, and Wilbraham, looking out through the window<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> +again, was rejoiced to find himself back amid familiar scenes.</p> + +<p>"They're working all right," he said, gleefully.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said his wife. "They seem to be and you seem to be speculating as +usual upon a narrow margin. Again you have only one wish left, having +squandered four out of the five already used."</p> + +<p>"And why not, my dear," smiled Wilbraham, amiably, "when my next wish is +to be for six spandy new wishes straight from the factory?"</p> + +<p>Mrs. Wilbraham's face cleared.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, splendid!" she cried, joyously. "Wish it—wish it—do hurry before +you forget."</p> + +<p>"I do wish it—six more wishes on the half-shell!" roared Wilbraham.</p> + +<p>As before, came the thunder and the lightning.</p> + +<p>"Thank you!" said Wilbraham. "These fairies are mighty prompt +correspondents. I am beginning to see my way out of our difficulties, +Ethelinda," he proceeded, rubbing his hands together unctuously. +"Instead of dreading to-morrow and the maturity of that beastly old +mortgage, I wish to thunder it were here, and that the confounded thing +were paid off."</p> + +<p>The wish, expressed impulsively, brought about the most astonishing +results. The hall clock began instantly to whirr and to wheeze, its +hands whizzing about as though upon a well-oiled pivot. The sun shot up +out of the eastern horizon as though fired from a cannon, and before the +amazed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> couple could realize what was going on, the village clock struck +the hour of noon, and they found themselves bowing old Colonel Digby, +the mortgage holder, out of the house, while Wilbraham himself held in +his right hand a complete satisfaction of that depressing document.</p> + +<p>"Now," said Wilbraham, "I feel like celebrating. What would you say to a +nice little luncheon, my dear? Something simple, but good—say some +Russian caviare, Lynnhaven Bay oysters, real turtle soup, terrapin, +canvas-back duck, alligator-pear salad, and an orange brûlot for two, +eh?"</p> + +<p>"It would be fine, Richard," replied the lady, her eyes flashing with +joy, "but I don't know where we could get such a feast here. The +Diggville markets are—"</p> + +<p>"Markets?" cried Wilbraham, contemptuously. "What have we to do with +markets from this time on? Markets are nothing to me. I merely wish that +we had that repast right here and now, ready to—"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Luncheon is served, sir," said a tall, majestic-looking stranger, +entering from the dining-room.</p> + +<p>"Ah! Really?" said Wilbraham. "And who the dickens are you?"</p> + +<p>"I am the head butler of the Fairies' Union assigned to your service, +sir," replied the stranger, civilly, making a low bow to Mrs. Wilbraham.</p> + +<p>There is no use of describing the meal. It was all there as foreshadowed +in Wilbraham's gastronomically inspired menu, and having had nothing to +eat since the night before, the fortunate couple did full justice to it.</p> + +<p>"Before we go any further, Richard," said Mrs. Wilbraham, after the duck +had been served, "do you happen to remember how many of your last six +wishes are left?"</p> + +<p>"No, I don't," said Wilbraham.</p> + +<p>"Then you had better order a few more lest by the end of this charming +repast you forget," said the thoughtful woman.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Good scheme, Ethelinda," said Wilbraham. "I'll put in a bid for a gross +right away. There is no use in piking along in small orders when you can +do a land-office business without lifting your little finger."</p> + +<p>"And don't you think, too, dear," the woman continued, "that it would be +well for us to open a set of books—a sort of General Wish Account—so +that we shall not at any time by some unfortunate mistake overdraw our +balance?"</p> + +<p>"Ethelinda," cried Wilbraham, his face glowing with enthusiastic +admiration, "you have, without any exception, the best business head +that ever wore a pompadour!"</p> + +<p>Thus it began. A cash-book was purchased and in its columns, like so +many entries of mere dollars, Wilbraham entered his income in wishes, +faithfully recording on the opposite page his expenditures in the same. +The first entry of one gross was made that very night:</p> + +<p class="center">March 16, 19—, Sight Draft on U. S. Fairy Co., 144</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> + +<p>Before long others followed and were used to such an effect that at the +end of the year, by a careful manipulation of his resources, carefully +husbanding the possibilities of that original third wish, Wilbraham +found that he had expressed and had had gratified over ten thousand +wishes, all of such a nature that the one-time decrepit farm had now +become one of the handsomest estates in the country. A château stood on +the site of the old mansion. Where the barns had been in danger of +falling of their own weight were now to be found rows of well-stocked +cattle-houses and dairies of splendor. The decaying stables had become +garages of unusual magnificence, wherein cars of all horsepowers and +models panted, eager to be chugging over the roads of Diggville, which +by a single wish expressed by Wilbraham had become wondrously paved +boulevards. And in the chicken-yards that had taken the place of the +discouraging coops of other days thousands of hens laid their daily +quota of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span> prosperity for their owner in the plush-upholstered nests +provided for their comfort by Wilbraham, the egg king, for that was what +he had now become. In all parts of the world his fame was heralded, and +hosts of sight-seers came daily to see the wonderful acres of this +lordly master of the world's egg supply. And, best of all, there was +still a balance of forty-three hundred and eighty-seven wishes to his +credit!</p> + +<p>The leading financiers of the world now began to take notice of this new +figure in the realm of effort, for they soon found their most treasured +and surest schemes going awry in a most unaccountable manner. No matter +how much they tried to depress or to stimulate the market, some new and +strange factor seemed to be at work bringing their calculations to +naught, and when it became known to them that the mere expression of a +wish on the part of Wilbraham would send stocks kiting into the air or +crashing into the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> depths, no matter what they might do, they began to +worry.</p> + +<p>"To-morrow," said John W. Midas, as he talked to Wilbraham and his +friends one evening at the club, "International Gold Brick Common will +fall off thirty-seven points."</p> + +<p>"Not so, Colonel," Wilbraham had retorted. "It will rise seventy +points."</p> + +<p>"Oh, it will, will it? How do you know that?" demanded Midas.</p> + +<p>"Because I wish it," said Wilbraham.</p> + +<p>And on the morrow International Gold Brick, opening at 96-5/8, lo and +behold! closed at 166-5/8, and the friends of Midas who had laughed at +Wilbraham and sold short went to the wall. A half-dozen experiences of a +similar nature showed the former rulers of the financial world that +Wilbraham had now become a force to be reckoned with, and for their own +protection the more eminent among them called a meeting at the home of +Mr. Andrew Rockernegie to consider the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> situation. There was too much +power in the hands of one man, they thought, although that idea had +never occurred to any of them before. The result of the meeting was that +Colonel Midas was appointed a committee of one to call upon Wilbraham +and see what could be done.</p> + +<p>"You may not be aware of it, Mr. Wilbraham," said the Colonel, "but by +your occasional intrusions into our lines of work you are making finance +an inexact science. Now, what will you take to keep your hands off the +market altogether? Twenty millions?"</p> + +<p>Wilbraham laughed.</p> + +<p>"Really, Colonel Midas," he replied, "I had no idea that you ever did +business on a corner-grocery basis like that. You ought to run a vacuum +cleaner over your brow. I think there are cobwebs in your gray matter. +Why, my dear sir, I can capitalize this gift of mine at a billion, and +pay ten per cent. on every dollar of it every year, with a little<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span> melon +to be cut up annually by the stock-holders of one hundred and fifty per +cent. per annum. Why, then, should I sell out at twenty millions?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I suppose you can have the earth if you want it," retorted Midas, +ruefully. "But all the same—"</p> + +<p>"No, I don't want the earth," said Wilbraham. "If I had wanted it I +should have had it long ago. I'd only have to pay taxes on it, and it +would be a nuisance looking after the property."</p> + +<p>"On what basis will you sell out?" demanded Midas.</p> + +<p>"Well, we might incorporate my gift," said Wilbraham. "What would you +say to a United States Wish Syndicate, formed to produce and sell wishes +to the public by the can—POTTED WISHES: ONE HUNDRED NON-CUMULATIVE +WISHES FOR A DOLLAR. Eh?"</p> + +<p>Midas paced the floor in his enthusiasm.</p> + +<p>"Magnificent!" he cried. "We'll underwrite<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span> the whole thing in my +office—bonds, stock, both common and preferred—for say—ahem!—how +much did you say?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I guess I can pull along on a billion," said Wilbraham. "Cash."</p> + +<p>Midas scratched his head. A glitter came into his eye.</p> + +<p>"You wish to give up control of your gift?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"You are a clever man, Colonel Midas," grinned Wilbraham. "If I had said +'yes' to that question I'd have lost my power. But I'm too old a bird to +be caught that way. You go ahead and form your company, and sell your +securities to the public at par, pay me my billion, and I'll transfer +the business to you, C. O. D."</p> + +<p>"Done!" said Midas, and he returned to his fellow-captains on the +Street.</p> + +<p>Wilbraham was felicitating himself upon a wondrously good stroke of +business, when another caller entered his room, this time unannounced.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p> + +<p>"How do you do, Mr. Wilbraham?" said the stranger, as he mysteriously +materialized before Wilbraham's desk.</p> + +<p>"How are you?" said Wilbraham. "Your face is familiar to me, but I can't +just recall where I have met you."</p> + +<p>"My name is Oberon, sir," said the stranger, "I am the secretary of the +United States Fairy Company. There is a little trouble over your +account, and I have called to see if we can't—"</p> + +<p>Wilbraham's heart sank within him.</p> + +<p>"It—it isn't overdrawn, is it?" he whispered, hoarsely.</p> + +<p>"No, it isn't," said the secretary.</p> + +<p>"By Jove!" cried Wilbraham, drawing a deep sigh of relief, and springing +to his feet, grasping Oberon by both hands. "Sit down, sit down! You +have been a benefactor to me, sir."</p> + +<p>"I am glad you realize that fact, Mr. Wilbraham," said the fairy, +somewhat coldly. "It makes it easier for me to say<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> what I have come +here to say. We did not realize, Mr. Wilbraham," he went on, "when we +awarded you the three original wishes that you would be clever enough to +work the wish business up into an industry. If we had we should have +made the wishes non-cumulative. We were perfectly willing to permit a +reasonable overdraft also, but we didn't expect you to pyramid your +holdings the way you have done until you have practically secured a +corner in the market."</p> + +<p>Wilbraham grinned broadly.</p> + +<p>"I have been going some," he said.</p> + +<p>"Rather," said Oberon. "Your original three wishes have been watered +until we find in going over our books for the second year that they +reach the sum total of three million five hundred and sixty-nine +thousand four hundred and thirty-seven, and that you still have an +unexpended balance on hand of four hundred and ninety-seven thousand +three hundred and seventy-four wishes. The situation is just this," he +continued.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> "Our company has been kept so busy honoring your drafts that +we are threatened with a general strike. We didn't mind building you a +château and furbishing up your old chicken-farm, and setting you up for +life, but when you enter into negotiations with old John W. Midas to +incorporate yourself into a wish trust we feel that the time has come to +call a halt. The fairies are honest, and no obligation of theirs will +ever be repudiated, but we think that a man who tries to build up a +billion-dollar corporation to deal in wishes on an investment of one +poached egg is just a leetle unreasonable. Even Rockernegie had a trifle +more than a paper of tacks when he founded the iron trust."</p> + +<p>"By ginger, Oberon," said Wilbraham, "you are right! I <i>have</i> rather put +it on to you people and I'm sorry. I wouldn't embarrass you good fairies +for anything in the world."</p> + +<p>"Good!" cried Oberon, overjoyed. "I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> thought you would feel that way. +Just think for one moment what it would mean for us if the Great Wish +Syndicate were started as a going concern, with a board of directors +made up of men like John W. Midas, Rockernegie, and old Bondifeller +running things. Why, there aren't fairies enough in the world to keep up +with those men, and the whole business world would come down with a +crash. Their wish would elect a whole Congress. If they wished the +Senate out of Washington and located on Wall Street, you'd soon find it +so, and, by thunder, Wilbraham, every four years they'd wish somebody in +the White House with a great capacity for taking orders and not enough +spine to fill an umbrella cover, and the public would be powerless."</p> + +<p>Wilbraham gazed thoughtfully out of the window. A dazzling prospect of +imperial proportions loomed up before his vision, and the temptation was +terrible, but in the end common sense came to the rescue.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It would be a terrible nuisance," he muttered to himself, and then +turning to Oberon he asked: "What is your proposition?"</p> + +<p>"A compromise," said the fairy. "If you'll give up your right to further +wishes on our account we will place you in a position where, for the +rest of your natural life, you will always have four dollars more than +you need, and in addition to that, as a compliment to Mrs. Wilbraham, +she can have everything she wants."</p> + +<p>"Ha!" said Wilbraham, dubiously. "I—I don't think I'd like that +exactly. She might want something I didn't want her to have."</p> + +<p>"Very well, then," said the fairy, with a broad smile. "We'll make you +the flat proposition—you give us a quit-claim deed to all your future +right, title, and interest in our wishes, and we will guarantee that as +long as you live you will, upon every occasion, find in your pocket five +dollars more than you need."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Make it seven and I'll go you!" cried Wilbraham, really enthusiastic +over the suggestion.</p> + +<p>"Sure!" returned Oberon with a deep sigh of relief.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 367px;"><a name="ILL_014" id="ILL_014"></a> +<img src="images/ill_014.jpg" width="367" height="500" alt="WILBRAHAM PAID BEFORE LEAVING THE COURT-ROOM" title="" /> +<span class="caption">WILBRAHAM PAID BEFORE LEAVING THE COURT-ROOM</span> +</div> + +<p>"Well, dearest," said Wilbraham that night as he sat down at his onyx<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> +dinner-table, "I've gone out of the wish business."</p> + +<p>His wife's eyes lit up with a glow of happiness.</p> + +<p>"You have?" she cried, delightedly.</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Wilbraham; and then he told her of Oberon's call, and the +new arrangement, and was rejoiced beyond measure to receive her approval +of it.</p> + +<p>"I am so glad, Richard," she murmured, with a sigh of content. "I have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span> +been kept so busy for two years trying to think of new things to wish +for that I have had no time to enjoy all the beautiful things we have."</p> + +<p>"And it isn't bad to have seven dollars more than you need whenever you +need it, is it, dearest?"</p> + +<p>"Bad, Richard?" she returned. "Bad? I should say not, my beloved. To +have seven dollars more than you need at all times is, to my mind, the +height of an ideal prosperity. I need five thousand dollars at this very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span> +minute to pay my milliner's bill."</p> + +<p>"And here it is," said her husband, taking five crisp +one-thousand-dollar bills from his vest pocket and handing them to her. +"And here are seven brand-new ones besides. The fairies are true to +their bargain."</p> + +<p>And they lived affluently forever afterward, although Midas and his +confrères did sue Wilbraham for a hundred million dollars for breach of +contract, securing judgment for twenty-nine million dollars, the which +Wilbraham paid before leaving the court-room, departing therefrom with +a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span> balance of one five and two one dollar bills to the good.</p> + +<p>And that is why, my dear children, when you see the Wilbraham motor +chugging along the highway, if you look closely you will see painted on +the door of the car a simple crest, a poached egg <i>dormant</i> upon a piece +of toast <i>couchant</i>, and underneath it, in golden letters on a scroll, +the family motto, <i>Hic semper septimus</i>.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="III" id="III"></a>III</h2> + +<h3>PUSS, THE PROMOTER</h3> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 81px;"> +<img src="images/ill_015.jpg" width="81" height="100" alt="Decorative O" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>nce upon a time, not many years ago, my children, there was a well-known +captain of industry who at his death had no other legacy to leave to his +three sons than fourteen bank accounts, all of them overdrawn, a couple +of automobiles without any tires on their wheels, and an Angora cat +which had taken several prizes at the annual cat show in New York, and +upon more than one occasion had had its picture printed in the society +columns of the Sunday newspapers.</p> + +<p>The eldest son took over the bank accounts,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> and by the negotiation of +several large checks among his friends, each one dated several months +ahead, had managed to escape to Venezuela with a comfortable fortune, +where, after several revolutions, he found himself in the President's +cabinet as Secretary of the Treasury. He further enriched himself in +this office by the private sale of national bonds to innocent investors, +prior to his departure for Algiers, and became, before his death, a +leading spirit in that interesting colony, and an influential member of +the Missionary Society of East Africa.</p> + +<p>The second son took the automobiles, and with a pot of paint and eight +old life-preservers, relics of the palmy days when his father was a +famous yachtsman, so furbished them up that he was able to sell them f. +o. b. to a couple of farmers in central Connecticut for five thousand +dollars, which he invested in Steel Common when it was sulking along +between 10 and 12 on a margin<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> of five per cent., and, selling out at +84-7/8, he was soon able to retire to the serene joys and quiet +pleasures of the Great White Way, along whose verdured slopes he pranked +and played until paresis called him at the ripe age of twenty-seven +years. But to the youngest son, poor Jack Dinwiddie, by the terms of his +father's will, fell only the residue of the estate after the two +brothers had had their shares; in other words, the Angora cat!</p> + +<p>It was, indeed, a melancholy situation, for poor Jack, like a great many +other sons of men of presumably large wealth, had studied only political +economy at college, and of the domestic variety knew nothing. He was an +honorary member of the Consumers' League, but of the methods of the +Producers' Union he knew little, and here at the age of twenty-two he +found himself fatherless, penniless, and without any visible means of +support in the line of earning capacity.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Well, Puss," he said, gloomily, as he gazed at his Angora cat, who was +sitting on top of a pile of unpaid bills in Jack's bachelor apartment, +washing his face with his right paw, "it looks to me as if we were up +against it. The governor has gone to his last account, my allowance has +ceased, and you are the only clear and unencumbered asset in my +possession, barring this last cigarette and two matches loaned to me by +a kind gentleman upon the street to whom I applied recently for a +light."</p> + +<p>He paused and lit the cigarette, while Puss, unmindful of the pathos of +the situation, continued his prinking, giving especial attention to his +whiskers, brushing them upward from his lips until he bore a not very +remote resemblance to the Kaiser himself.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_016" id="ILL_016"></a> +<img src="images/ill_016.jpg" width="500" height="362" alt=""I SUPPOSE I COULD SELL YOU, BILL"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"I SUPPOSE I COULD SELL YOU, BILL"</span> +</div> + +<p>"I suppose I could sell you, Bill," the young man went on. "Angora cats, +with a pedigree dating back to Dick Whittington's time and a bunch of +blue ribbons big enough to supply every prohibitionist in the Union<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span> +with a bowknot for the lapel of his coat, must have some market value, +especially in a time like this, when anything resembling beef is worth +its weight in radium; but I won't do it, old man. You've been a mighty +good cat to me, and as long as there is a drop of chalk and water left +in this world you shall have your morning dish of milk."</p> + +<p>It was then that a very singular thing happened.</p> + +<p>"That's all I wanted to know, Jack," purred the cat, jumping to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span> +floor and rubbing his sleek sides up against his master's leg +affectionately. "If we are not to be separated, it is up to me to show +myself the worthy descendant of a noble and resourceful ancestry. There +is a tradition in our family that no backyard fence has ever been so +hard to climb that we couldn't get over it. Do you know who I am?"</p> + +<p>"Why, yes," said Jack, rubbing his eyes in astonishment, for he had +never heard the cat speak before. "You are Angora Bill,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span> the Champion +Chinchilla of fourteen consecutive annual shows, and the neatest little +ratter that ever lived."</p> + +<p>"I am more than that," replied the cat, proudly. "I am the direct lineal +descendant of the original Puss in Boots, and one of the advance agents +of prosperity."</p> + +<p>Jacked laughed even in his misery.</p> + +<p>"Those days have gone, Puss," he said, wearily. "There are no longer any<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span> +fairies to help poor beggars like me out of a hole, Bill—"</p> + +<p>"That's what you think," smiled puss, scratching his left ear with his +right hind-paw; "but, my dear boy, my great-great-great-great-grandfather +was a back-fence piker alongside of myself, who, all unknown to you, am +one of the board of directors of the United States Fairy Company, of +3007 Wall Street, New York. If you will do just what I tell you, my boy, +we shall emerge from this little embarrassment of ours with flying +colors, and spend our declining years<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> in a little onyx bungalow on the +corner of Bond Avenue and Easy Street that will make the Vandergilt +palace up on the Plaza look like a particularly cheap and self-effacing +owl-wagon."</p> + +<p>Jack gazed mournfully at his companion. Surely, he thought, our +misfortunes have driven him crazy. Nevertheless he decided to humor the +creature.</p> + +<p>"What would you have me do, Puss?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Nothing much," replied the cat. "Just pack your suit-case with your few +remaining collars and other garments, fill your five trunks with Sunday +newspapers and unpaid bills, and move at once into the Waldorf-Astoria, +taking a suite of five rooms and a bath."</p> + +<p>"On nothing?" demanded the astonished youth.</p> + +<p>"You lose less on nothing than you would if you had something to lose," +retorted puss, with a wise air. "Do as I say. Lend me<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> a pair of your +boots, a derby hat, and your fur-lined ulster, and wait for me in your +apartment. Go at once to the hotel, register, and ask if there are any +letters or messages for you, and all will be well. You might register as +Horace Vanderpoel, of Cincinnati, or St. Louis, or any other old place +at a comfortable distance from New York. Let your luggage precede you."</p> + +<p>The cat spoke in a masterful tone that inspired confidence. As he +delivered his instructions he donned his master's boots and fur-lined +overcoat, and then putting the derby hat jauntily upon his head he +sauntered forth.</p> + +<p>"Good-bye, Jack," he said, as he reached the door. "Follow my +instructions to the very last detail, and before long you'll be wearing +diamonds that will make the average incandescent electric light look +like an eclipse."</p> + +<p>Now Jack was a venturesome youth and ready at all times for any kind of +an<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span> unusual experience; so, deeply impressed by the mere fact of the +cat's having spoken at all, he decided to follow out his instructions to +the letter. His five trunks, filled to the brim with papers and bills +and any other objects of <i>virtu</i> that came handy, were dispatched at +once to the Waldorf, and in about three hours he himself followed them, +registering in a large, bold hand as Horace Vanderpoel, of Kansas City, +in the hotel book.</p> + +<p>"I want a suite of five rooms and a bath," said Jack.</p> + +<p>"Certainly, Mr. Vanderpoel," said the room-clerk, courteously. "We had +already made a reservation for you, sir. We will give you suite number +forty-two on the first floor."</p> + +<p>"Good!" said Jack. "I wasn't aware that my coming had been heralded—in +fact, I have been wanting to have it kept as quiet as possible. +Important negotiations, you know."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p> + +<p>"We quite understand, Mr. Vanderpoel," said the clerk.</p> + +<p>"Have any letters or telephone messages been received for me?" Jack +demanded.</p> + +<p>"No letters, sir," replied the clerk, "but—Rockernegie's secretary +'phoned us about an hour ago requesting us to ask you to let him know +the minute you arrived—fact is, sir, that is how we came to be on the +lookout for you."</p> + +<p>"Rockernegie, eh?" said Jack, scratching his head with a puzzled air. +"Well," he added with a laugh, "I guess he can wait a bit. Have J. W. +Midas & Co. rung me up yet?"</p> + +<p>"Not yet, sir," said the clerk.</p> + +<p>"Well, I'm going down-stairs to be shaved," said Jack. "If Midas does +ring me up let me know."</p> + +<p>He chuckled as he went down to the barber-shop.</p> + +<p>"Bill is a great cat," he muttered to himself. "Rockernegie! Gee! +Here's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span> hoping he won't forget Midas and Bondifeller."</p> + +<p>He sat down in the barber's chair and was soon richly lathered. The +barber was about to apply the razor, when a small boy clad in a perfect +rash of buttons entered the shop.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 464px;"><a name="ILL_017" id="ILL_017"></a> +<img src="images/ill_017.jpg" width="464" height="500" alt=""TELL 'EM TO TELL MR. BONDIFELLER THAT I AM TOO BUSY TO +SEE HIM"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"TELL 'EM TO TELL MR. BONDIFELLER THAT I AM TOO BUSY TO SEE HIM"</span> +</div> + +<p>"NUMBER FORTY-TWO, please!" he cried. "Gentleman number FORTY-TWO!"</p> + +<p>"Wait a minute, Barber," said Jack. "That's my number. Here, boy, what<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> +is it?"</p> + +<p>"Wanted on the telephone, sir," said the boy.</p> + +<p>"Find out who it is," said Jack, impatiently.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," said the boy. "I have, sir. They told me to tell you, sir, +that Mr. Bondifeller was on the 'phone, sir."</p> + +<p>"Oh, is that all?" grinned Jack. "Well, you tell 'em to tell Mr. +Bondifeller that I am too busy just at present to see him. You might +tell him, too, that I haven't anything<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> to add to what I said in my +last letter. If he doesn't like that, the deal is off."</p> + +<p>There was a considerable craning of necks in the neighboring chairs, for +Jack had not thought to address his remarks to the lad in tones +suggestive of a confidential communication. The boy staggered slightly +on his feet, but managed to get away without dropping under the weight +of such a message, and Jack, lying back in his chair, requested the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> +barber to proceed.</p> + +<p>"Bill is a great cat!" he chuckled.</p> + +<p>"Beg pardon?" queried the barber.</p> + +<p>"I say don't shave me too close," said Jack.</p> + +<p>The shave over, Jack retired to his apartment and found in suite number +forty-two everything that the heart of man could desire, and throughout +the great caravansary the name of Horace Vanderpoel was held in high +honor. To be sure they had never heard of him before, but the associate +of these brilliant dignitaries of the financial<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span> world must indeed be +somebody, even in New York! Here he sat, awaiting developments, his +amusement as well as his interest in the adventure increasing +momentarily. An hour passed and then a card was brought to his door +bearing the mystic words:</p> + +<h4>COLONEL A. N. GORA</h4> + +<h4><span class="smcap">The Catskill Club</span></h4> + +<p>"Ask Colonel Gora to come right up," said Jack, with difficulty +repressing the guffaw that struggled within him for expression, +recognizing the name at once. Five minutes later puss walked in, the +perfect picture of a military dandy, largely due no doubt to the cut of +his whiskers.</p> + +<p>"Well," he said, removing his gloves, and out of sheer force of habit +proceeding to wash his face with his right paw, "you seem to be pretty +comfortably located."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span></p> + +<p>"In the lap of luxury," grinned Jack.</p> + +<p>Puss's face grew solemn.</p> + +<p>"For a cat, my dear Jack, or, rather, Horace," he said, "the lap of +luxury would be a saucer of milk."</p> + +<p>"You shall have a pitcherful, Bill," cried Jack, rushing to the 'phone.</p> + +<p>"Not on your life, my dear boy!" meowed puss, excitedly stopping him. +"Never! The occupant of an apartment like this ordering a pitcher of +milk! Why, my dear fellow, that would queer our game at the very start. +Order some tea and I'll drink the cream."</p> + +<p>After regaling himself on the refreshment provided by the confiding +management, puss, with a graceful readjustment of his whiskers, turned +with a smile to the wondering and admiring beneficiary of his +resourceful mind.</p> + +<p>"Well, what do you think of it, Jack?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"It is very nice indeed, Puss," Jack answered,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> "but—er—I can't help +thinking of the possibilities of the day of reckoning. Who's going to +pay for all this when the bill comes in?"</p> + +<p>"Don' t worry," said puss; "I'll attend to all that. This afternoon I +want you to climb aboard the sight-seeing coach that leaves Madison +Square at three o'clock. Sit next to the young lady with blue eyes and a +Persian lamb ulster, whom you will find occupying the front seat with +her father, a large, stout gentleman with a kohinoor sparkling like an +electric light in his shirt-front and three more on his little finger. +If you happen to see me on the same coach, don't let on that you know +me, and, above all, don't deny anything you may hear anybody saying<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span> +about you. Where did you register from?"</p> + +<p>"Kansas City," replied Jack.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_018" id="ILL_018"></a> +<img src="images/ill_018.jpg" width="500" height="297" alt=""GOOD-BYE, JACK"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"GOOD-BYE, JACK"</span> +</div> + +<p>"All right," said puss. "Keep a stiff upper lip, my boy, and all will be +well. Good-bye. Like most cats, I have a few<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> fences to take care of +this afternoon and I must be off. I've found a nice little kitten up the +street who is going to manicure my nails."</p> + +<p>With these words the amazing creature donned his hat and coat and, +resuming his boots, strode out with a magnificent swagger.</p> + +<p>At three o'clock in the afternoon Jack, in accordance with his +instructions, boarded the sight-seeing coach at Madison Square, and, +recognizing the young woman referred to by puss sitting on the front +seat of the car, seated himself beside her.</p> + +<p>"When do we start, Popper?" asked the girl, with a demure glance at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span> +Jack.</p> + +<p>"Putty soon, I guess," said the old gentleman, who sat on her other +side. "But there ain't never any tellin'. These New York guys does +things putty much as they please."</p> + +<p>"Humph!" muttered Jack under his breath. "He sounds like real money from +Goldfields."</p> + +<p>In a few moments the car started, and as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> they passed around the +Flatiron Building Jack was still further amazed to recognize in the +voice of the lecturer none other than that of the faithful puss.</p> + +<p>"This building," Jack heard him saying boldly, "is the famous Flatiron +Building, erected at great expense by the Fuller Company and lately +purchased for five million dollars by the famous Missouri financier and +capitalist, Mr. Horace Vanderpoel."</p> + +<p>"<i>Gee-rusalem!</i>" ejaculated Jack.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_019" id="ILL_019"></a> +<img src="images/ill_019.jpg" width="500" height="435" alt=""THE HANDSOMEST TOWER IN THE WORLD"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"THE HANDSOMEST TOWER IN THE WORLD"</span> +</div> + +<p>"To the right is the wonderful tower of the Metropolitan Life Insurance +Building—the handsomest tower in the world," continued puss, bellowing +his words into Jack's ears playfully through his megaphone; "while off +across the square to the north the structure in yellow brick is the +famous Madison Square Garden, soon to be torn down to make room for the +new Vanderpoel office building, sixty-four stories high, containing +theatres, assembly halls, churches, convention halls, restaurants, +apartments, and so<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> on, besides offices, costing between ten and twenty +millions of dollars."</p> + +<p>"Vanderpoel Building, eh?" said the old gentleman. "Any relation to the +feller that's bought the Flatiron?"</p> + +<p>"Same man, sir. He's the only Vanderpoel," replied puss.</p> + +<p>"Must have seven or eight dollars to spare," said the sight-seer.</p> + +<p>"Ten or twelve, sir," laughed puss. "It is said that he is trying to buy +a controlling interest in the whole city. Negotiating for the Astor +estate, they say."</p> + +<p>"Great Scott!" gasped the sight-seer. "What's he going to do with it +when he gets it?"</p> + +<p>"Don't know, sir," replied puss, gayly. "Kind of suspect he's thinking +of annexing it to Kansas City, sir."</p> + +<p>The car proceeded until the party reached the Plaza.</p> + +<p>"On the left is the Plaza Hotel, another property of the Vanderpoel +syndicate," said<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> puss; "said to have cost the Kansas City millionaire +ten millions, and paid for in cash."</p> + +<p>"<i>Gee!</i>" gasped the young woman's father, and Jack indorsed the +observation unreservedly.</p> + +<p>"That's a pretty house, Popper," said the young woman as the car reached<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span> +the Ninety-sixth Street entrance to the Park, pointing toward Mr. +Rockernegie's residence.</p> + +<p>"Formerly the residence of Andrew Rockernegie," said puss, "but recently +sold to Mr. Vanderpoel for three million dollars."</p> + +<p>"It's mighty funny I never heard of this Vanderpoel feller before," said<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span> +the old man.</p> + +<p>"Just come into his fortune, sir," vouchsafed puss. "Very young man just +come of age, sir."</p> + +<p>The old man leaned forward and, addressing Jack, inquired:</p> + +<p>"Did you ever hear of this man Vanderpoel, young man?"</p> + +<p>"Well, yes," said Jack, with a modest<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> laugh. "Fact is, <i>I myself am +Horace Vanderpoel</i>."</p> + +<p>The stranger gazed at him in amazement.</p> + +<p>"Well, by ginger!" he said. "I—I—I'm dee-lighted to meet you, sir. +This is my daughter Amanda, sir. I—I—I'm proud to make your +acquaintance."</p> + +<p>"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir," said Jack, pleasantly, removing his +hat and bowing to the young woman. "You are Mr.—"</p> + +<p>"Dobbins, sir," returned the old man, effusively. "Joshua Dobbins. I +thought I was going some on the money question, with seven gold mines in +Nevada, but I must take off my hat to you, sir. Any man who has the +nerve to buy New York—heavens!"</p> + +<p>The old fellow took off his hat and mopped his brow, which had begun to +perspire freely.</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't take any credit to myself for that," said Jack, modestly. +"When a boy has a great-grandfather who dies and leaves<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span> forty million +dollars to him in trust for fifty years before he was born, and that +money accumulates until the unborn beneficiary is twenty-one years old, +it means a rather tidy stockingful, I admit, but it isn't as if I'd made +the money myself."</p> + +<p>"Fuf-forty million accumulating interest for seventy-one years!" gasped +Dobbins.</p> + +<p>"Compound," said Jack, smiling sweetly at the girl at his side. "That's +the deuce of it. I—I've got to do something to keep the income +invested, and New York real estate, being the most expensive thing in +sight, I've gone in for that as being the easiest way out."</p> + +<p>"I—I suppose you are living here now?" asked Mr. Dobbins.</p> + +<p>"No," said Jack. "Personally I don't care particularly for New York. I +am just in town for a few days, stopping at the Waldorf."</p> + +<p>"Why, so are we," interrupted the girl.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Then," said Jack, gallantly, "the Waldorf possesses even greater +attractions than I had supposed."</p> + +<p>The girl blushed a rosy red, and the old gentleman fairly beamed.</p> + +<p>"Glad to have you take dinner with us, Mr. Vanderpoel," he said.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said Jack. "I shall be charmed to do so if I can. I sort of +half promised Mr. Bondifeller to take a snack with him this evening, +but"—this with a killing glance at the blushing Miss Dobbins "but I +guess he can wait. To tell you the truth, Mr. Dobbins, these New York +millionaires bore me to death. At what time shall we foregather?"</p> + +<p>"Suppose we say seven?" said the old gentleman.</p> + +<p>"My lucky number," said Jack, with a gracious smile, which set the heart +of Miss Dobbins all of a-flutter.</p> + +<p>So passed the hours away. Jack found himself growing momentarily more +deeply<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span> impressed with the beauty of the maiden at his side, and by the +time the young people had reached the hotel it had become a pronounced +case of pure and ardent love. As they entered the Waldorf one of the +employees of the hotel rushed excitedly up to the young billionaire, +breathless with the importance of a communication intrusted to him.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Rockernegie is on the wire—wants to speak to you immediately, +sir," he panted.</p> + +<p>"Tell him I'm busy," said Jack, entering the tea-room and ordering a +slight repast for Miss Dobbins and her father. A moment later the +messenger returned, more breathless than before.</p> + +<p>"Sorry, sir," said the boy, "but Mr. Rockernegie says he must see you +right away, sir."</p> + +<p>Jack frowned as though deeply annoyed, and his answer came with an +incisive coldness that froze Mr. Dobbins almost to the marrow.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Go back to that 'phone and tell the gentleman that it will take the +biggest search-light in the amalgamated navies of the world to enable +him to get even a bird's-eye view of me until I get good and ready," he +said. "Er—tell him he can come to my office at ten-thirty to-morrow +morning if he wants to, only he mustn't be late. Just impress that on +his mind."</p> + +<p>Mr. Dobbins choked and coughed apoplectically.</p> + +<p>"Don't let us interfere with any of your engagements, Mr. Vanderpoel," +he sputtered.</p> + +<p>"That's all right, Mr. Dobbins," said Jack.</p> + +<p>"I wish you'd invest seven or eight million for me," said Dobbins, with +a sheepish glance at Jack. "I know it isn't much, but—"</p> + +<p>"Risky business, speculating, Mr. Dobbins," said Jack, bravely, although +the suggestion had nearly knocked him off his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> chair. "Better hang on to +your pennies, now that you've got 'em."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I've got eight or ten more where they came from," chuckled the old +man.</p> + +<p>"Then, sir," said Jack, as calmly as he knew how, "the best investment +for you is in Miss Amanda Dobbins Preferred, a stock of priceless +value."</p> + +<p>"I don't think I quite understand," said the old man, scratching his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span> +head in perplexity.</p> + +<p>"Settle five million on your daughter," explained Jack. "When you've got +her fixed comfortably in life, go in and do as you please with the rest +of your fortune. Play the game as hard as you like, and, win or lose, no +harm can come to her—and <i>if</i> you lose, why, she'll be able to take +care of you."</p> + +<p>"I've already given her four million, haven't I, Amandy?" said the old +gentleman, proudly.</p> + +<p>"Yes, Popper," said the girl, and Jack's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> heart began to play the +anvil chorus on the xylophone of his ribs. What a chance!</p> + +<p>"How about it, Mr. Vanderpoel," persisted the old man; "can you put me +wise?"</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_020" id="ILL_020"></a> +<img src="images/ill_020.jpg" width="500" height="311" alt=""COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED +MR. DOBBINS" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED MR. DOBBINS</span> +</div> + +<p>"Oh, well," said Jack, "if you really insist I'll let you into a little +blind pool I'm in, but not for very much—say a couple of millions. Only<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span> +I won't take a penny of your money if you are like all the rest of these +people here who want to be shown how things are every five minutes of +the day. I'll take your two million and you can call it a loan, if you +want to. Your receipt will be my demand note for the full amount. You +see I know what I'm about, and I'm careful."</p> + +<p>"Couldn't make it three million, could you?" suggested Mr. Dobbins, with +a pleading note in his voice which Jack found difficult to resist. "I +happen to have that amount idle—"</p> + +<p>"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do," said Jack, patronizingly. "I was +going to pull<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span> this thing off myself because it is one of the few +dead-sure things left in this world, but first the Midas people butted +in, then Bondifeller wanted a slice, and Rockernegie wore out his +library carpet running to the 'phone to ring me up about it, until I +told Central I'd have the company indicted as a nuisance if they let the +old man have my number again. None the less, for merely diplomatic +reasons, I'm going to let 'em all in for a small share. Just enough to +keep them satisfied with themselves. Exactly what the basis will be I +haven't yet decided, but if you are willing to take your chances with +them—well, you may hand me six certified checks for five hundred +thousand dollars apiece, so that I can spread the whole amount around in +my various bank and trust company accounts."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>"Now what, Puss?" asked Jack the next afternoon, as he and his feline +friend held a consultation in the apartment. "I've got<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span> three million to +my credit in six banks. What's the next step—Algiers or Venezuela?"</p> + +<p>"Why," said puss, "it seems to me that a man with three million in hand +can afford to stay in New York over Christmas, anyhow."</p> + +<p>"Yes, I know," said Jack. "But the old man—he's got to have some profit +some time or other, hasn't he?"</p> + +<p>Puss sighed deeply. "It is very evident, my dear Jack," said he, "that +you are no financier. Settle a million on yourself and use the remainder +to pay dividends to Mr. Dobbins. He'd probably think twenty-five per +cent. on his investment was a pretty fair return, and if at the end of +the first year you give him back seven hundred and fifty thousand +dollars he'll be satisfied. Then if you hand him over a full million the +second year—well—"</p> + +<p>"Well what?" gasped Jack.</p> + +<p>"He'll put five million more into the pool<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span> on your mere intimation that +you are willing to help him out to that extent," said puss, "which will +keep you going several years longer."</p> + +<p>Jack breathed heavily at the prospect of such affluence, but he could +not escape the uncomfortable feeling that there would be an inevitable +day of reckoning ahead of him.</p> + +<p>"And when that is gone?" he asked.</p> + +<p>Puss gazed at him scornfully this time.</p> + +<p>"My, but you are stupid!" he ejaculated. "I really want to help you, +Jack, but I can't do everything, you know. You've got to handle some of +this business yourself. But let me ask you one question: Did you ever +hear of a millionaire putting the father of his grandchildren in jail +because he had lost money in a blind speculation?"</p> + +<p>"No, I never did," said Jack; "but you see, Puss, I am not the father of +Dobbins' grandchildren."</p> + +<p>"No," said puss, "but why in thunder should you not be?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span></p> + +<p>"By Jove!" cried Jack, joyously. "Do you think she'll have me?"</p> + +<p>"Will a duck quack?" asked the cat.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p class="center">(Extract from the last will and testament of Joshua Dobbins):</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"... and I do hereby appoint my said son-in-law, Horace +Vanderpoel, husband of my beloved daughter Amanda, sole +trustee of my estate, without bond, said estate to be +administered by him for the benefit of my said daughter +Amanda and her children, according to his own discretion; +for which service, in lieu of executor's or trust fees, I do +hereby give, bequeath, and devise to his use forever the sum +of five million dollars, together with such additional sums +as I have from time to time during the past four years +invested under his advice and direction in the several +properties in his control, both principal and interest +accrued up to the date of my decease."</p></div> + +<p>"Dear old dad!" said Jack, when the will had been read. "Your father was +a fine man, Amanda dear, and a very successful man as well."</p> + +<p>"Yes, Horace," said his weeping wife,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> "but he always insisted that he +owed much to your splendid business management; so, after all, you have +only come into your own, dear."</p> + +<p>"Ah, well," said Jack, as he opened a fresh bottle of cream and placed +it before his pet Angora, "money isn't everything, sweetheart, and I +should have been satisfied if he had left me nothing but you."</p> + +<p>And the Angora cat wiped off the back of his ear with his left paw and +twirled his mustachios upward with a wave of his right, as he purred +amiably over the cream.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="IV" id="IV"></a>IV</h2> + +<h3>THE GOLDEN FLEECE</h3> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 79px;"> +<img src="images/ill_021.jpg" width="79" height="100" alt="Decorative T" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>here was once a miller who was very poor, but he had a beautiful +daughter. There were a great many people who said that if he had not had +so beautiful a daughter he would not have been so poor, and it may be +that these were right, for beautiful daughters are not infrequently a +source of considerable expense to their parents, and I fear me that +Gasmerilda was no exception to this rule.</p> + +<p>She had a great passion for rare furs and for opera and lingerie cloaks, +and the thousand and one other dainty things that appeal<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span> to the heart +of beautiful young maidenhood, and it seemed to make no difference how +many millions of bushels of corn passed through her father's mill day +after day, the returns from the grinding wheels were always thirty or +forty dollars a month lower than the total aggregate of Gasmerilda's +bills from milliners, furriers, jewelers, and others too numerous to +mention.</p> + +<p>Of course, this thing could not go on indefinitely. There comes a time +when even the blindest of creditors will insist upon the liquidation of +a miller's account, and the poor man found himself getting deeper and +deeper into debt as the months passed along, and was now at last at his +wits' ends to devise new excuses for the non-payment of Gasmerilda's +indebtedness. Indeed, he had now come to a point where there was but one +refuge from the ultimate of financial disaster that should force him +into a public declaration of his bankruptcy, and that was to be seen +associating in public places<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span> with well-known malefactors of great +wealth.</p> + +<p>What awful agony of mind this cost him—for he was an honest miller, as +had always been evidenced by his willingness to promise to pay his debts +even when he knew he could not—the world will never know, but he +swallowed his pride, and for a time gained immunity from the pressure of +his creditors with their threatened judgments by being seen walking down +Fifth Avenue in the morning alongside of Colonel John W. Midas, the +president of the Pactolean Trust Company, a savings institution formed +primarily for the purpose of lending its depositors' money to members of +its own board of directors, taking their checks dated two months ahead +and indorsed by their office-boys and stenographers for security.</p> + +<p>It is true that anybody who was ever seen speaking to Colonel Midas in +public was, by orders of the district attorney, immediately snap-shotted +by the Secret Service<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span> Camera Squad attached to that gentleman's office, +and the resulting negatives filed away for future reference in case +Justice should ever, by some odd chance, peep over the top of her +bandage for a moment and fix her eagle eye upon the Colonel's doings; +but, on the other hand, there were countless thousands of worthy people, +and among them were the miller's creditors, who believed that +association with such a person as Colonel Midas was pretty good evidence +either of a man's solvency or of his immunity to the lash of the law. +Consequently, when for five successive mornings the furriers, the +jewelers, the milliners, and others, to whom the unfortunate miller owed +vast unpayable sums of money for sundries purchased from time to time by +the beautiful Gasmerilda, saw their debtor walking down-town alongside +of the great Pactolean magnate, they called off their collectors and +attorneys, and sent the beautiful girl extra notifications through the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span> +mails of their new fall and winter importations; to which, in due course +of time, the lovely maid responded, to the consequent swelling of the +already over-large accounts due. If these persons had only known that +these walks upon the avenue were silent walks, and that from the Plaza +down to Madison Square Colonel Midas, though accompanied by the miller, +was utterly unaware of the latter's presence, being too deeply absorbed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> +in certain operations of great magnitude upon the Street to notice +anything that was going on around him, they would doubtless have acted +differently; but they did not know this, and it soon passed about among +the tradesmen that the miller was the friend of Midas, and thereby was +his credit greatly expanded.</p> + +<p>On the morning of the sixth day's promenade, however, Colonel Midas,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span> +having solved the particular problem upon which his mind had been set +for the past week or ten days, became more observant, and, after the +miller had walked at his side for several blocks, he remarked the fact, +and with emotions that were not altogether pleasant. Wherefore, he +quickened his footsteps in order that he might leave the intruder +behind, but the miller quickened his also and remained alongside. +Colonel Midas stopped short in his walk before an art-shop window, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> +gazed in at the paintings therein displayed.</p> + +<p>The miller likewise, his head cocked knowingly to one side like that of +a connoisseur, paused and gazed in at the marvels of the brush. The +Colonel, with a sudden jerky turn, leaped from the window to the +gutter-curb and boarded a moving omnibus with surprising agility for a +man of his years. But he was not too quick for his pursuer, for the +miller, though scarcely able to afford the expense, immediately sprang +aboard the same vehicle and took the seat beside him. Then for the first +time the Colonel addressed him, and, there being no ladies upon the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> +omnibus at that early hour, in terms rather more forcible than polite.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 438px;"><a name="ILL_022" id="ILL_022"></a> +<img src="images/ill_022.jpg" width="438" height="500" alt=""WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"</span> +</div> + +<p>"What do you think you are doing?" he demanded, frowning upon his +pursuer.</p> + +<p>"Riding in a 'bus," replied the miller, with a pleasant smile.</p> + +<p>"Are you trying to shadow me?" roared the Colonel.</p> + +<p>"I'd make a mighty poor eclipse for you, Colonel Midas," said the +miller, suavely, "but to tell you the truth," he added, a sudden idea +having flashed across his mind, which in the absence of anything else to +say in explanation of his conduct seemed as good as any other excuse he +could invent, "there <i>is</i> a little matter I'd like to bring to your +attention."</p> + +<p>"Bombs?" asked the Colonel, moving away apprehensively, noticing that +the miller had put his hand into his pocket, and fearing that he had, +perhaps, encountered a crank who designed to do him harm.</p> + +<p>"No, indeed," laughed the miller. "Not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span> in such close quarters as this. +When I throw a bomb at anybody I shall take care to provide a safety net +for myself."</p> + +<p>"Ha!" ejaculated the Colonel, with a deep sigh of relief. "Book-agent?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing in it," said the miller. "Work too heavy for the profits. No, +sir, I am neither a book-agent nor an anarchist. I am nothing but a poor +miller with an ingrowing income, but I have a beautiful daughter who—"</p> + +<p>"Oh yes," interrupted Midas, with a nod. "I remember now. I've heard of +you. You preferred to remain independent instead of selling out to the +Trust. You tried to discount some of your notes at the Pactolean Trust +Company, of which I am president, the other day."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said the miller, "and you refused them."</p> + +<p>"Naturally," laughed Midas. "A beautiful daughter, Mr. Miller, is a +lovely possession, but she's mighty poor security for a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> loan. About the +worst in the market. Especially yours. I've seen Miss Miller at the +opera several times and have wondered how you managed it. It would cost +more than the face value of your notes to support the security for one +week in the style to which she is accustomed."</p> + +<p>"That's true enough," said the miller, "and nobody knows it better than +I do. Nevertheless, you made a mistake. You have possibly never heard of +her wonderful gift."</p> + +<p>"No," said the magnate. "I was not aware that the young lady had any +other gifts than beauty and a father with a little credit left."</p> + +<p>"Well, be that as it may," retorted the miller, "she has one great gift. +She can spin straw into gold."</p> + +<p>"What?" cried Midas, becoming interested at once.</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," the miller went on. "She has marvellous powers in that +direction. If<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> she hadn't I'd have been up a tree long ago."</p> + +<p>"I had heard of her father's ability to turn hot air into Russian sables +and diamond necklaces, but this straw business is something new," said +Midas.</p> + +<p>"I thought you would so regard it," said the miller, confidently, "and +that is why I have been trying to get a word with you for the past week. +You are the only man I know in the financial world who is known to have +the enterprise and the courage to go into a little gamble that other +people would laugh at. You have that prime quality of success, Colonel +Midas, that is known to mankind as nerve. You are always willing to sit +in any kind of a game that shows a glimmer of profit in the perspective, +and that is why I bring this matter to you instead of to my friend +Rockernegie, a man utterly without imagination and blind to many a sure +thing because he can't understand it."</p> + +<p>The Colonel, who was not unsusceptible<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span> to flattery, was visibly +impressed by this tribute. He scratched his head thoughtfully for a +moment.</p> + +<p>"See here, Mr. Miller," he said, after a brief communion with himself, +"if this story is true, why are you trying to discount your notes at the +Pactolean Trust Company? Why don't you get a bale of straw and have your +daughter turn it over a few times?"</p> + +<p>"I will be perfectly frank with you, Colonel," said the miller. "It is a +humiliating confession to make, sir, but I'm everlastingly busted. Just +plain down and out and I couldn't buy a lemonade straw if they were +going at a cent a ton, much less a bale."</p> + +<p>The Colonel looked at him sympathetically, and then, giving his knee a +resounding whack, he cried: "By Jove, Miller, I'll back you! I rather +like your nerve, and, as you have so charmingly put it, I <i>am</i> the sort +of man to take a long shot. Yes, sir, and I wouldn't have had seven +cents to my name to-day if I hadn't been. Come with me to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> the Pactolean +Trust Company and we'll discount your demand note, suitably indorsed, +right off, with the understanding, however, that your daughter gives us +an immediate demonstration of her powers. We'll furnish the straw."</p> + +<p>The miller's heart leaped with joy, but he deemed it well not to show +himself over-anxious lest he lose the whole advantage.</p> + +<p>"It is very good of you, Colonel," he observed quietly, "but I don't +know a soul in this bright, beautiful world who would indorse my note +for any sum, large or small."</p> + +<p>"Oh, that will be all right," laughed the Colonel. "We've got a rubber +stamp in the office for just such emergencies."</p> + +<p>So the miller and his new-found friend went to the offices of the +Pactolean Trust Company, where, in a short while, he found relief from +his pressing woes by the exchange of his demand note for five thousand +dollars, indorsed most appropriately by a man of straw, for four crisp +one-thousand-dollar<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span> treasury notes and the balance, less six months' +interest, in yellow-backs of a denomination of fifty dollars each.</p> + +<p>"Tell your daughter to come down here to-morrow morning," said the +Colonel, as the miller pocketed the money. "I'll summon the board of +directors and she can give us a demonstration of her gift in the private +office. We'll have a couple of bales of straw all ready for her."</p> + +<p>"You will have to excuse me, Colonel," said the miller, with that +calmness which a man is likely to show when he has five thousand dollars +in good money in his purse, "but that will be impossible. Gasmerilda has +always refused to exercise her gift in the presence of anybody else, and +I am quite sure she will make no exception in this case. Even as a child +she would not let either her mother or myself see how she did it."</p> + +<p>"But she must," said the Colonel, firmly, "or I shall be under the +painful necessity of calling that note at once."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_023" id="ILL_023"></a> +<img src="images/ill_023.jpg" width="500" height="371" alt=""THERE'S THE MONEY, SIR"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"THERE'S THE MONEY, SIR"</span> +</div> + +<p>"But she can't," returned the miller. "You see, sir, it is one of the +peculiarities of the gift that she must be alone while at work. It<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span> +requires such intense concentration of effort. If you insist upon her +presence here, why—well, as you intimate, the deal is off between us +and I shall have to take it to Rockernegie. There's the money, sir."</p> + +<p>With a supreme effort of will the miller tossed the roll of bills back +upon the table. It was, of course, an act of sheer bravado, but he +carried it off so well that it worked.</p> + +<p>"Oh, very well," said the Colonel, gruffly, a shade of disappointment<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span> +crossing his face. "If she can't, she can't, I suppose. It's worth a +try, anyhow. We'll send a bale of straw up to your residence this +afternoon, and if by to-morrow morning she has managed to turn it into +gold, all well and good. If not—well, we call the note, that's all."</p> + +<p>"Can't you make it a week?" pleaded the miller. "She may have some other +engagement<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span> on for to-night, and—er—well, a week will give her time +to turn around."</p> + +<p>"Make it five days," said the Colonel. "To-day is Wednesday. Let her +make the delivery on Monday morning."</p> + +<p>"Done!" said the miller, overjoyed, and he went out.</p> + +<p>He had not the slightest notion in the world how his beautiful daughter +would be able to fulfil the agreement—indeed, he was fairly certain in +his mind that she would be able to do nothing of the sort, but he had +the use of five thousand dollars at a critical moment in his career and +he knew that if worst came to worst he could shave off his mustache, +and, thus disguised, take passage for Europe in the steerage of some one +of the many Saturday steamers.</p> + +<p>Now, on his return home that evening, the miller was very much +embarrassed by a searching inquiry from his beautiful daughter. It seems +that when she had tried to telephone to one of her friends that +afternoon<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span> she had been informed by Central that the service had been +discontinued for non-payment of the bill for December, 1906.</p> + +<p>"Have we come to such a pass as that, father?" she demanded, her lovely +voice quivering with emotion.</p> + +<p>"It looks like it," said the miller, with an uneasy laugh. "I have been +kept so busy paying for your daily supply of fresh sables that I haven't +had a moment for the gas bills or for your conversational accounts. With +you to look after, my dear, I find that even talk is not cheap."</p> + +<p>The beautiful girl wiped the tears from her eyes with her point-lace +handkerchief.</p> + +<p>"But," she cried, "what are we going to do? I must have eleven hundred +and seventy dollars and fifty-five cents to-morrow morning, father, or I +shall be ruined."</p> + +<p>The miller's heart sank within him and his face grew ashen.</p> + +<p>"Eleven hundred and seventy dollars and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span> fuf-fifty—fuf—five cents?" he +stammered. "In Heaven's name what for, Gasmerilda—hairpins?"</p> + +<p>"No, father," she trembled. "I have issued three or four pounds of +deferred bridge certificates, and they fall due to-morrow. You certainly +do not wish me to lose my social position—about the only thing I have +left?"</p> + +<p>The unhappy man gazed long and anxiously at the pale face before him, +and then his heart softened, as it always had done.</p> + +<p>"All right, my child," he sighed, as he tossed the exact amount to her +across the table. Then his face grew stern.</p> + +<p>"Gasmerilda," he said, "your extravagance having brought us to this, I +may as well inform you now as at any other time that it is up to you to +get us out of trouble, and I have to-day been forced to enter into +negotiations with the Pactolean Trust Company by which you are to be +capitalized. Hereafter, my child, you are to become a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> dividend-paying +investment instead of twin sister to a sinking fund."</p> + +<p>"What can you mean, father?" cried the girl, her face blanching with +fear.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 444px;"><a name="ILL_024" id="ILL_024"></a> +<img src="images/ill_024.jpg" width="444" height="500" alt="POOR GASMERILDA SAT WHITE-FACED" title="" /> +<span class="caption">POOR GASMERILDA SAT WHITE-FACED</span> +</div> + +<p>The miller thereupon recounted to her in full detail the incidents of +the morning, and revealed to her astounded mind the preposterous claims +he had made on her behalf.</p> + +<p>"But father," she protested, "I have no such gift."</p> + +<p>"You will excuse me for refusing to discuss the matter further with you, +Gasmerilda," he replied, coldly. "If it so happens that you have no such +gift you must devise some method of getting it. I have given my word,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> +and as a dutiful daughter you must make good."</p> + +<p>Turning to the butler, the miller asked:</p> + +<p>"James, has a bale of straw arrived here to-day from Colonel Midas?"</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," said the butler. "It is down-stairs in the cellar, sir."</p> + +<p>"Good!" said the miller. "You will have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span> it carried up to Miss +Miller's dressing-room at once."</p> + +<p>Rising from the table he kissed his unhappy daughter affectionately, +and, bidding her good-night, he went to the club, where he paid his +delinquent dues and house charges and set out once more upon a tolerably +care-free existence for five days at least.</p> + +<p>"A short life and a merry one!" he muttered to himself, as he paid in a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span> +hundred dollars for a supply of red and blue chips.</p> + +<p>Meanwhile, poor Gasmerilda sat white-faced, and eyes wide with fear and +perplexity, staring at that horrible bale of straw that occupied the +middle of the floor of her dainty boudoir. She had no more idea of how +to spin it into gold than she had of making over her last year's gingham +bath-robe into this year's panne-velvet opera gown. Hourly her distress +grew, until finally the floodgates of her tears broke, and she burst +into a passionate convulsion of weeping.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> But, even as the tears began +to flow, there came a faint golden tinkle on the jeweled 'phone that +stood on her escritoire. At first she paid no attention to the +unexpected tintinnabulation, but the tinkling soon became more +pronounced and so persistent that she finally answered it.</p> + +<p>"Is that you, Gasmerilda?" came a quaint little voice over the wire.</p> + +<p>"Yes," she sobbed. "Who is this?"</p> + +<p>"There are tears in your voice, Gasmerilda," came the quaint little<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span> +voice.</p> + +<p>"They are all over the place," wept the unhappy girl.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_025" id="ILL_025"></a> +<img src="images/ill_025.jpg" width="500" height="353" alt=""I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER, GASMERILDA"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER, GASMERILDA"</span> +</div> + +<p>"And I know why," said the little voice, sympathetically. "I am your<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span> +fairy godmother, Gasmerilda, and I have not ceased to watch over you. +Your father has negotiated a loan on your remarkable gift of spinning +straw into gold, has he not?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," sobbed Gasmerilda, "and I have no such gift."</p> + +<p>"Well, don't worry, my child," said the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> little voice. "When you were +a baby you once offered a part of your school orange to a starving +kitten, and she has not forgotten it. I was that kitten and I have kept +my eye on you ever since, and now I am going to help you out. If you +will do exactly what I tell you to do all will be well."</p> + +<p>Gasmerilda, with a great sigh of relief, promised to be faithful to her +fairy godmother's instructions.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you dear!" she cried, impulsively.</p> + +<p>"Go to-morrow, the first thing in the morning," said the fairy +godmother, "to the United States Assay Office on Wall Street, taking +with you the money your father gave you this evening at dinner, and buy +a one-thousand-dollar bar of gold."</p> + +<p>"But, Fairy Godmother," Gasmerilda interrupted, "I—I must use that +money to pay off my bridge I O. U.'s to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"I have arranged for all that," laughed the fairy godmother. "Those I. O. U.'s +will never be presented. Transforming myself<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span> into a mouse, I +have entered the escritoires of the ladies holding your notes of hand, +and have eaten every single one of them."</p> + +<p>Gasmerilda's heart leaped with joy.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Fairy Godmother!" she cried. "Can't you get rid of father's note in +the same way?"</p> + +<p>"No, my dear," sighed the little voice. "That note, unfortunately, is +stored away in a steel vault, and my teeth are not strong enough to +nibble through that. I have a more business-like method to get you both +out of your troubles. After you have purchased the bar of gold, take it +home with you and devise some convenient means of getting rid of the +straw without anybody seeing you do it. The best way to do this will be +to carry an armful of it at a time up on to the roof of your house and +let it blow away; and then, when next Monday comes, and your father is +required to deliver the first consignment of the precious metal to +Colonel Midas, go with him to the Colonel's office,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span> yourself, taking +the gold bar with you, and see that it is really delivered. Wear your +most bewitching hat, and don't fail to remember what a woman's eyes were +given her for."</p> + +<p>"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" cried Gasmerilda, a great wave of +happiness sweeping over her. "If I could get at you, dear Fairy +Godmother, over the 'phone, I should hug you to death."</p> + +<p>"That is all right, child. My reward will come later," replied the fairy +godmother. "When your profits begin to come in you may pay me a +commission of ten per cent. on all you get."</p> + +<p>"Gladly. I'll make it fifteen per cent.," cried the grateful girl. "But +how shall you be paid?"</p> + +<p>"By check, dear, drawn to the order of The Fairy's Aid Society of +America, of which I am the president," was the answer. "The address is +just Wall Street, New York. And now, sweet dreams, my beloved ward. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> +sun of your troubles has set, and the dawn of prosperity is here."</p> + +<p>With a happy smile Gasmerilda wished her kindly friend good-night, and +retired to her couch and slept the sleep of a weary child. Bright and +early the next morning, with her little gold-chain purse containing the +necessary funds dangling from her chatelaine, she appeared at the assay +office, and purchased there a shining bar of the lustrous metal, +returning to her home in time for luncheon.</p> + +<p>"Well, daughter," said the miller, as he met her in the hallway, "how +does the good work proceed?"</p> + +<p>"Very well, indeed, father," she said, with a cheery smile. "I'm a +little out of practise, but I managed to spin about ninety-eight +dollars' worth last night before going to bed."</p> + +<p>The miller blinked amazedly at his daughter. This answer was indeed the +most extraordinary substitute for the floods of tears he had expected to +greet his question.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You—you—you dud—don't—m—m—mean to sus—say—" he stammered.</p> + +<p>"Father, dear, did you ever try to cut calves-foot jelly with a steel +knife?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes, child, yes—but what of that?" he demanded, completely nonplussed.</p> + +<p>"Well, dear," she answered, kissing him on the tip end of his nose, +"that is hard labor compared to spinning gold out of straw."</p> + +<p>She ran from him, laughing merrily as she hurried up the stairs to her +room, while he, staggering back against the newel-post of the staircase, +leaned on it, breathing heavily.</p> + +<p>"If that's the case," he said, as with trembling hands he took a set of +false whiskers and a steerage ticket for Naples from his pocket, "I +shall not need these."</p> + +<p>Nevertheless, prudence bade him wait until he had seen the gold before +destroying the paraphernalia of his possible flight, and oh, the joy of +that Saturday morning, when Gasmerilda, having, by an almost +super-human<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span> effort, having rid herself of the straw as her fairy +godmother had bade her to do, led her trembling father into her boudoir +and showed him the glittering bar!</p> + +<p>"Are you sure it's real?" he quavered.</p> + +<p>"I have had it stamped at the assay office, father," she replied. "See!"</p> + +<p>And she showed him the stamps of the authorized government test.</p> + +<p>"My child!" he cried, dancing about the room in a delirium of joy. "My<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span> +beloved, my beautiful daughter—was ever miller so blessed as I! Wait!"</p> + +<p>Rushing madly to the jeweled 'phone, he rang up Colonel Midas.</p> + +<p>"Excuse me for bothering you, Colonel," he said, excitedly, "but this is +Miller. I thought you would be interested to know that my daughter has +turned the trick a little sooner than I expected. If you want to see the +gold to-day instead of waiting until Monday, all you've got to do is to +say so."</p> + +<p>The wire fairly sizzled with the reply. Of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span> course, Colonel Midas +would not wait. In fact, he'd be right up. How much did the miller think +the gold would pan out?</p> + +<p>"Oh, about a thousand dollars," replied the miller.</p> + +<p>"What?" roared Midas. "A thousand dollars' worth of gold from a +seven-dollar bub—bale of straw?"</p> + +<p>"That's the assay office estimate," said the miller, with a smile. "You +can't very well go behind that."</p> + +<p>The answer was a long, low whistle, and within twenty minutes the great +financier's car came chugging up to the door, and he entered the house,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> +bringing with him a chemist.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_026" id="ILL_026"></a> +<img src="images/ill_026.jpg" width="500" height="396" alt=""THIS IS THE GREATEST CINCH IN THE HISTORY OF FINANCE"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"THIS IS THE GREATEST CINCH IN THE HISTORY OF FINANCE"</span> +</div> + +<p>"By Jingo! Miller," he cried, after the chemist had applied every known +test to the bar and declared it to be, beyond all question, the real +stuff, "by Jingo, old man, our fortune is made. This is the greatest +cinch in the history of finance."</p> + +<p>"Looks that way," said the miller, calmly,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span> leaning forward and tossing +the steerage ticket into the waste-basket.</p> + +<p>"We—er—we must keep it in the family, Miller," the Colonel added, +slapping the proud father familiarly on the knee—for Gasmerilda had +remembered the fairy godmother's injunction as to the use of her eyes.</p> + +<p>"I intend to, Colonel," said the miller, dryly. "I'll keep it in <i>my</i> +family if you don't mind—"</p> + +<p>Midas gasped, and then he laughed sheepishly.</p> + +<p>"To think that I, a hardened old bachelor, should be a victim to love at +first sight!" he said.</p> + +<p>"Very funny indeed," laughed the miller.</p> + +<p>"What would you say to me as a son-in-law, eh?" Midas went on. "You know +I'm a decent chap, old man. No funny business about my private +life—it's a good chance to get your daughter settled in life, and—"</p> + +<p>"Well, I don't know," said the miller, coolly. "You are generally +considered to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> be a fairly eligible sort of person, Midas, but my +daughter can afford to marry for love as long as the straw crop holds +good."</p> + +<p>A glitter came into Midas's eye.</p> + +<p>"What if I were to corner the market?" he demanded.</p> + +<p>"That would be bad for Gasmerilda and me," the miller agreed. "Mind you, +I haven't said I disapproved of the match, but let's be perfectly frank +with each other. I'm not going to sell my daughter to you or to anybody +else, but you know how things run these days. A man's a millionaire +to-day and a member of the down-and-out club to-morrow. Now, I don't +know the first blessed thing about your prospects. You are rich now, but +who knows that before 1915 you won't be in a federal jail somewhere +without a nickel?"</p> + +<p>"I see your point," said Midas, "and I'll settle five million on her +to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"Real money?" he demanded.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Real money," said Midas.</p> + +<p>"Done!" ejaculated the miller.</p> + +<p>And so the papers settling five million dollars in approved securities +upon the miller's daughter were executed, and three months later that +invincible old bachelor, John W. Midas, for whom countless widows had +set their caps in vain, was led to the altar by the blushing and happy +Gasmerilda. The groom's gift to the bride was a princely one, consisting +of ten million dollars' worth of the preferred stock of the newly +organized American Straw and Hay Trust, of which Colonel Midas was +president, a concern controlling all the leading straw industries of the +United States and some said of foreign lands as well. The papers called +it the most brilliant match of the season, but, none the less, the bride +had some misgivings. She knew, and somehow or other in the perspective +of the vista of wedded bliss ahead of her, no larger than a pin-head, +she seemed at times to see the first faint<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span> symptoms of a cloud which +might sooner or later obscure the whole heavens; aye, even that vast +stretch of blue that reached from the easternmost part of New York to +the westernmost boundaries of Reno, Nevada. Still, back of this was a +silver—nay, a golden—lining, for Gasmerilda was now the possessor in +her own right of five million dollars in real money, and with such a +possession in hand one can stand a good deal of domestic +misunderstanding.</p> + +<p>And even then there was the chance that the sporting instincts of +Colonel Midas would prove to be such that he would admire the genius +back of the transmutation that had originally won him—in addition to +which was the other fact that already, without a bale in sight, he had +sold the public over fifty millions' worth of the common stock in the +United States Straw and Hay Trust at 97-7/8.</p> + +<p>The first check out of Gasmerilda's new account was as follows:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span></p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;">New York, January 17, 1911</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 15em;">No. 1</span><br /> +<br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 15em;">Pay to the order of The Fairy's Aid Society of America</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 15em;">Seven hundred and fifty thousand Dollars</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 15em;">($750,000.00)</span><br /> +<br /> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;">GASMERILDA MILLER MIDAS</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>And she lived extravagantly forever afterward.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="V" id="V"></a>V</h2> + +<h3>THE INVISIBLE CLOAK</h3> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 81px;"> +<img src="images/ill_027.jpg" width="81" height="100" alt="Decorative I" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>am very sorry, sorr," said the janitor as he turned off the heat and +disconnected the electric lights. "'Tain't me as is doin' ut—ut's the +owner of the buildin'. He says the rint ain't been paid for six mont's, +and while he ain't hard-hearted enough to turn nobody out on the sthreet +such weather as this, he don't see no use in dandlin' tinants what don't +pay in no lap o' luxury."</p> + +<p>Jack looked at the man in silence, completely stunned by this new +development in a situation already sufficiently distressing.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span></p> + +<p>"'Let him enjye all the pleasures of the roof, Mike,' says he," +continued the janitor, "'but no wooin' of his beauty sleep to the soft +music of the steam-radiator, nor 'lectric lights to cheer the dark +places of his sperrit whin twilight comes. Ut's the land of the Midnight +Sun for his till I see th' color of his bank account.'"</p> + +<p>"But I shall freeze if you turn off the heat," protested Jack.</p> + +<p>"That's the answer, I guess," returned the janitor. "Ut's a pretty cold +snap we do be havin'."</p> + +<p>Jack buried his face in his hands and groaned. Things had gone ill for +the unhappy lad for a long time now, and the sudden precipitation of +winter weather found him practically penniless. For one reason or +another no one seemed to care for his poetry, and his last story, from +the proceeds of which he had expected to make enough to tide him over +for a little while at least, had been returned by every editor in town.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Ut's mighty sorry for you, I am," said the kindly janitor, his heart +stirred by the pitiable picture of suffering before him. "I'd be afther +leavin' t'ings as they are if I dared, but the old man's orders—"</p> + +<p>"I know, I know," said Jack, wearily, "but it's awfully tough just the +same. I can get along without food, but without light and heat I don't +see how I can do my work."</p> + +<p>"I'll lend yez a candle, sorr," said the janitor. "That'll help some. Ye +can warm your hands over the flame of ut while you're doin' your +t'inkin', and ut'll give ye light enough to put down what ye t'ink in +between times."</p> + +<p>"Good old Mike!" said Jack, wringing the other by the hand warmly. "When +my ship comes in you shall have a good slice of the cargo for that."</p> + +<p>"Sure an' she ain't la'nched yet, is she?" asked the janitor, with a +grin, and then, as Jack seemed to have sunk into a dejected<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span> reverie, he +gathered up his tools and left the room.</p> + +<p>An hour passed before the miserable lad even so much as raised his head.</p> + +<p>"Jove! it's cold!" He shivered, as he gazed around him, the room bathed +in the gathering shadows of twilight. "And to think that it was only +last summer that I was complaining because this place was so infernally +hot!"</p> + +<p>His teeth chattered as he spoke, and he suddenly bethought himself of +his fur-lined overcoat hanging in the closet, his very last possession, +and one he had worn persistently of late, not so much because the +temperature of the town required it as to maintain publicly an +appearance of prosperity.</p> + +<p>"I'll take one last wear out of you," he said, as he put it on, "and +to-morrow I'll put you in cold storage at the house of mine Uncle. He +already has my watch, my scarf-pin, and everything else that I have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span> +that is negotiable—he might as well top his collection off with you."</p> + +<p>The thought that the useful old garment was still good enough to act as +a satisfactory bit of security for a temporary accommodation at the +neighboring pawnshop cheered him up somewhat, and he went out, seeking a +comfortable spot where with his last half-dollar he could assuage the +growing pangs of hunger. As he left the house he noticed that the snow +was beginning to fall, so he decided not to go very far afield for his +meal. A cheap restaurant half-way down the block, on the avenue, +attracted his eye, and he went in and ordered his dinner—twenty-five +cents' worth of roast beef and a cup of coffee for himself, and the +balance to tip the waiter. He ate slowly, though this was not his habit, +merely because the place was warm and bright, and as he lingered over +his coffee he wrote a sonnet on life on the back of the bill of fare. +Then, his account paid, he started back to his apartment. As<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span> he left +the café the wheezing notes of a minute hand-organ playing "The Good Old +Summer-time" fell upon his ear. It sounded very much like a +talking-machine in the last stages of bronchitis, and then, suddenly, in +the midst of a "B-flat" that sounded more like a sneeze than a note, a +heartrending picture of misery and desolation smote upon his vision. On +the corner, exposed to all the icy winds that blew up the avenue, and +over the cross-streets from the river, huddled up into a seeming mass of +rags, over which the falling snow was drifting, was the form of an aged +woman, turning the crank of a battered and broken organ with fitful +twists of her poor blue hands.</p> + +<p>"Holy smoke!" cried Jack, as his eye fell upon the old woman's bent +figure. "And I have been sympathizing with myself for the last four +hours!"</p> + +<p>In an instant he had whipped off his overcoat—the fur-lined coat that +had been his only hope for immediate financial relief—and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span> had thrown +it across the poor old shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, madam," he said, as the old woman stopped grinding the organ +to look gratefully up into his face. "If I had any money I'd give it to +you, but I'm dead broke myself, and I can't help you that way. But, by +thunder! I can't stand seeing you freeze!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I cannot take your coat, sir," the old woman began.</p> + +<p>"Yes, you can," said Jack. "If you don't want it as an act of charity, +let me have a quarter to buy my breakfast to-morrow morning, and you can +have the coat for the time being. I'll rent it to you over-night for a +quarter. You can return it in the morning. I live right across the +street at the Redmere."</p> + +<p>The old woman muttered a scarcely audible word of thanks.</p> + +<p>"Heaven will reward you for this," she began.</p> + +<p>"That's all right," said Jack, cheerfully.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span> "I'm not looking for +dividends of that particular kind. I'll consider it a good bargain if +you'll just rent this old horse-blanket for the night for twenty-five +cents. Then nobody will be under obligation to anybody else."</p> + +<p>The old woman smiled even as she shivered, and diving down into the +mysterious depths of her ragged garments produced a handful of pennies +which she handed to the unexpected philanthropist.</p> + +<p>"I will return the coat in the morning," she said. "Good-night!"</p> + +<p>And again the withered hand began to turn the crank, and the suffering +organ, as Jack sped across the way to the Redmere again, began to wheeze +as before, taking a turn this time at that popular melody, "There'll Be +a Hot Time in the Old Town To-night."</p> + +<p>"Poor old hag!" muttered Jack as, without removing his clothes, he +climbed into bed and covered himself in addition with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span> bath-rug. "I +may be ninety-seven different kinds of an ass, but here's to the Heart +of Folly! I couldn't let that old creature freeze to death under my very +window."</p> + +<p>And warmed by the thought of a kindly deed done he turned over and went +to sleep.</p> + +<p>So weary was the poor lad after the troublesome experiences of a day so +full of worry that he slept heavily and far into the next morning. +Indeed, it required all the elbow power of Mike, the janitor, hammering +with his great fist upon the door, to awaken him.</p> + +<p>"Hello, there! What the dickens do you want?" cried Jack, sleepily, +aroused at last from his slumbers by a thunderous kick upon the door +from the janitorial foot.</p> + +<p>"Ut's me, sorr," replied Mike.</p> + +<p>"Oh, it's you, is it?" said Jack, opening the door. "What's the trouble +now? Orders from the landlord to stop my sleeping?"</p> + +<p>"No, sorr," replied the janitor. "Sure<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span> an' I'm just afther bringin' yez +a package lift at the door."</p> + +<p>"Confound you, Mike!" growled Jack, with a glance at the clock. "Nobody +can economize with a noise trust like you around. If you had only let me +sleep an hour longer I could have saved the price of a breakfast!"</p> + +<p>"Well, the lady that lift this bundle tould me to give ut yez without +anny delay," returned Mike. "And whin annybody gives me a dollar to get +a move on I get ut."</p> + +<p>"A lady gave you a dollar to hand this bundle to me?" demanded Jack, +incredulously.</p> + +<p>"She did that," said Mike. "She come drivin' up in her limybean +motor-car, and give me the package, and tould me not to let anny weeds +grow under me slippers."</p> + +<p>Jack rubbed his eyes in astonishment, and gazed wonderingly at the +brown-paper package. What could it be? Certainly not his fur coat. A +limousine car and the lady<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> of the wheezy hand-organ did not seem to go +together. In an instant, consumed with curiosity, he tore off the +brown-paper covering, and found within a white pasteboard box, oblong in +shape, and tied up with blue ribbon. Attached to the middle was a note, +which, on being opened, revealed the following message to Jack's staring +eyes:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;"><span class="smcap">The United States Fairy Company</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;">8976 <span class="smcap">Wall Street</span></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;"><span class="smcap">New York</span>, <i>December 12, 1910</i>.</span><br /> +</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><span class="smcap">Dear Jack</span>,—I return your cloak herewith with many thanks +for your kindness to</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;">Yours gratefully,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 33em;"><span class="smcap">Titania J. Godmother</span>,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 35em;">President The United States Fairy Co.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>"Well, I'll be blowed!" ejaculated the lad as he read. "The old lady a +fairy? I don't know about this—it has a phony look to me!"</p> + +<p>As he spoke he cut the blue ribbon with his penknife and opened the box. +The mystery, instead of being solved, now became<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span> all the deeper, for as +far as Jack's eye was able to see the box was empty.</p> + +<p>The janitor grinned unsympathetically.</p> + +<p>"Quare toime for an April-fool joke!" he said, as he left the room.</p> + +<p>For a few moments Jack was as silent as the Sphinx, and then, with a +sudden surge of wrath that any one should play such a trick upon him, he +gave the box a kick that sent it flying across the room. It landed on a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span> +chair, the cover fell off, and then, mystery of mysteries, +three-quarters of the chair disappeared wholly from sight. Again Jack +rubbed his eyes in amazement, and slowly, like a trapper passing along a +forest trail, he crept over to where the chair stood and put out his +hand to feel for its missing parts. In a moment he was reassured as to +their existence, for he could feel the outlines of the missing sections, +but something apparently lay across them. It was a soft, silky material, +tangible enough, but absolutely invisible. It felt like a cloak, and as +Jack<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span> passed his hands along its folds he found that it had sleeves, +buttons, buttonholes, and a hood at the back of its collar, not to +mention several capacious pockets within.</p> + +<p>"Huh!" he ejaculated. "It feels like an invisible ulster. I wonder—"</p> + +<p>An idea flashed across his mind, acting upon which he seized the cloak, +and rushed into his bedroom, where, standing before the mirror on his +bureau, he put it on, buttoning it all the way up to his neck. This +done, he glanced at himself in the glass.</p> + +<p><i>Only his head, which had remained uncovered, was reflected there!</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Well of all—" he began, astounded at the vision before him, or rather +the lack of it. Hastily he pulled the hood over his head, and +immediately, as far as the eye could see, he completely vanished.</p> + +<p>And then Jack knew what had happened.</p> + +<p>The fairy godmother had given him one of the choicest possessions of her +kingdom—the famous invisible cloak!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span></p> + +<p>Ten minutes later Jack found himself passing through the Subway gate at +Forty-second Street, entirely unobserved by anybody, and therefore +relieved of the necessity of paying his fare. The invisible cloak was +doing its duty nobly, but a moment later the lad had an example of its +dangers as well as of its virtues, for as he sat quietly by the door of +the car trying to collect his flustered thoughts, a very stout German +gentleman got aboard the train and sat down heavily upon him. He did not +stay, however, but on the contrary, with a startled cry of alarm, rose +up as quickly as he had sat down.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_028" id="ILL_028"></a> +<img src="images/ill_028.jpg" width="500" height="371" alt=""DERE ISS SOMEDINGS IN DOT SEADT, ALRETTY YET!"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"DERE ISS SOMEDINGS IN DOT SEADT, ALRETTY YET!"</span> +</div> + +<p>"Dere iss somedings in dot seadt, alretty yet!" he cried to the guard, +excitedly.</p> + +<p>Jack slipped noiselessly out of the seat, and the guard, after feeling +around in it for a second or two, turned with scorn upon the astonished +Teuton, and in language of a slightly unparliamentary cast advised him +to change his diet.</p> + +<p>"You'll be seein' t'ings next!" he said.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> + +<p>Jack shook with internal laughter as the amazed son of the Rhine sat +cautiously down again, his face showing a deal of relief to find that +his first spooky impression was not correct, all of which for the +remainder of the trip down-town he openly expressed with considerable +volubility. Finally he was interrupted by the raucous voice of the guard +crying:</p> + +<p>"Wall Street!"</p> + +<p>Now Jack had not consciously started out to go to Wall Street, but the +announcement of the train's arrival there gave him a thrill.</p> + +<p>"Wall Street, eh?" he muttered. "Ha! Hum! Methinks the financial +stringency is over if this little old coat holds out! I seem to detect +the odor of money."</p> + +<p>He mounted the steps to the street, and wandered aimlessly down the +great financial highway until he found himself standing before the +gorgeous façade of the famous Urban National Bank. Here he paused a +moment, and curiosity as much as anything<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> else led him to enter its +portals, and there within lay spread before his famished financial eyes, +separated from his hands only by a slight bit of steel grillwork, +countless packages, huge of bulk, of bank-notes, in all denominations, +any one of which, once in his possession, would serve to put him at ease +for the remainder of the year. Monte Cristo himself had no such stores +of wealth within his reach in the treasure-caves of his wondrous island.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span> +The teller behind the grill was counting the contents of his safe, and +as he bent over to foot up a column of figures Jack stopped in front of +the little window and said:</p> + +<p>"Good-morning!"</p> + +<p>He did this not so much for the fun of it as for a precautionary test of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span> +his invisibility, for a great scheme had entered his mind. The teller +looked up, craned his neck in every direction, and peered around to see +who had addressed him.</p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 342px;"><a name="ILL_029" id="ILL_029"></a> +<img src="images/ill_029.jpg" width="342" height="500" alt=""THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH MY NERVES"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH MY NERVES"</span> +</div> + +<p>"There must be something the matter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> with my nerves this morning," he +said, scratching his head in bewilderment. "I was sure somebody spoke to +me."</p> + +<p>Jack had all he could do to keep from laughing outright, but safety bade +him restrain the impulse, and in a moment he had climbed over the steel +grillwork and entered the sacred precincts of Ready Money. Once within +the teller's cage his heart began to thump so violently that it seemed +impossible for him to escape detection, but so busy were all the bank +people with the duties of the day that no one seemed to hear. And then +our hero began. Within five minutes he had stowed away within the +capacious pockets of his invisible cloak as many of the packages of +bills, green-backed and yellow, as he could possibly carry there, and +then, slipping out through the little door at the rear of the cage, he +walked calmly out of the bank with them. Arrived on Broadway, he removed +his coat and, hanging it over his arm, took a taxicab back to the +Redmere.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span></p> + +<p>He could hardly wait until he reached his apartment to count up the +results of his morning's work, but his caution stood by him, and it was +not until he had locked his door and barricaded it with the bureau +rolled in front of it that he opened the various packages. There were +ten of them altogether, and Jack's eyes nearly popped out of his head +with wonder as he saw so much real money spread out before him. Three of +the packages held one thousand dollars each in twenty-dollar bills, four +of them held five hundred dollars each in five-dollar bills, and the +other three totalled fifteen hundred dollars in ones and +twos—sixty-five hundred dollars altogether.</p> + +<p>"Mike!" he cried, going to the dumbwaiter shaft, and calling down, +vociferously, "turn on the heat, and tell the boss to send a truck +around here for his rent."</p> + +<p>Hiding the money under the mattress of his bed, Jack removed the +invisible cloak and hung it in the closet, taking care to lock<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span> the door +thereof, and then he started to shave. His hand trembled too much for +this, however, and after he had snipped off two or three pieces of his +cheek he abandoned the effort, but his brief trial before the glass had +a distinct moral influence upon him, for as his eye caught its own +reflection in the mirror, and Jack came to look himself squarely in the +face for the first time since his removal of the money from the bank, he +found that he could not do it. His eye faltered and fell, and the +question flashed across his mind as to the honesty of his morning's +work.</p> + +<p>"Hum!" he muttered, sitting down suddenly on his bed and staring at a +hole in the carpet, "I hadn't thought of that before! What would my poor +but honest parents think about this?"</p> + +<p>He scratched the end of his nose thoughtfully.</p> + +<p>"It isn't any too straight, even in these days of frenzied finance," he +went on; "that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> is, it isn't unless I regard this thing as a loan! Of +course if it's a loan—yes, it must be. Otherwise I'm no better than any +other—"</p> + +<p>His brow cleared as the idea entered his mind.</p> + +<p>"I'll make it O. K. in a jiffy," he said.</p> + +<p>He went to his writing-desk, and wrote to the cashier of the Urban +National Bank as follows:</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;"><span class="smcap">New York</span>, <i>December 12, 1910</i>.</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;"><i>Cashier, the Urban National Bank,</i></span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;"><i>New York City:</i></span><br /> +</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,—I think it only proper to inform you that, +unknown to yourself or any other person in your bank, I have +this morning negotiated a loan with your institution for six +thousand five hundred dollars. I have a temporary need for +this accommodation, and in order that the transaction may +appear a trifle less informal, I beg to hand you herewith my +six-months note for the amount borrowed, together with one +hundred and ninety-five dollars in cash to cover discount +charges, reckoned on a six-per-cent. basis. Please +acknowledge receipt of the same in the Personal Column of +the New York <i>Morning Gazoo</i>.</p> + +<p>The charming ease and promptness with which<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span> this +transaction was put through have given me a more than +friendly feeling for your bank, and now that I have used one +package of your money I take pleasure in saying that I shall +not only recommend it to my friends, but shall hereafter use +no other.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;">Cordially yours,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 33em;"><span class="smcap">A Friend in Need</span>.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>This written, Jack purchased a blank promissory note at a stationery +store on the corner and filled it in.</p> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 21em;">$6,500. <span class="smcap">New York</span>, <i>December 12, 1910</i>.</span><br /> +</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Six months after date I promise to pay to the order of the +Urban National Bank Six thousand five hundred dollars at the +Urban National Bank, New York City. Value received.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;"><span class="smcap">Me</span>.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>Both these interesting documents he now inclosed in an envelope, with +one hundred and ninety-five dollars in bills, sending the whole by +special-delivery mail to the cashier of the bank.</p> + +<p>"There!" said Jack, when he had completed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span> this righteous act. "I can +now look myself in the eye again."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>From this time on Jack wore his invisible cloak nearly all the time. He +found it very convenient, especially when he wished to go to the +theatre, or to ride on any of our vehicles of public transportation. +Once he seriously contemplated a trip to Europe in it, but this was +postponed by a sudden important development which called for his +attention nearer home. While seated in the back of Colonel Midas's box +at the Metropolitan Opera House one night, listening to the dreamy +numbers of "La Bohème," utterly unobserved, of course, by any of the +other occupants of the box, thanks to his magic cloak, Jack overheard +Colonel Midas engaged in a strenuous conversation with one of his male +relatives, who had asked the eminent financier for some kind of a tip +that would make a rich man of him.</p> + +<p>"If you'll tell me whether the San Francisco,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span> Omaha & Mott Haven is +going to buy the K., T. & W. or not, Colonel," the man had said, "I can +make a million or two."</p> + +<p>"Of course you could, Jim," said the Colonel, "but I can't tell you now +what will be done in that matter. I don't know myself whether we'll buy +K., T. & W. or build our own connecting line. We haven't decided. If we +do buy, the stock will go jumping up ten, twenty, thirty points at a +time. If we don't, the bottom will drop out of it. It's the turn of a +hand which way that cat will jump, but I'll do this for you: As soon as +I do know I'll give you twenty-four hours' start with the inside +information. We have a secret meeting to-morrow at my office to discuss +the matter, and when we come to a definite understanding I'll give you +the tip. What I can tell you now is that the new line into Buffalo is +going to run through Rocky Corners, and anybody who gets hold of old +Hiram Bumpus's farm up there under a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span> hundred thousand will clear half a +million without getting out of bed."</p> + +<p>"Why don't you go in and buy it yourself?" demanded the other.</p> + +<p>"Because I'm not wasting my gray matter on piking little +half-million-dollar deals, that's why," retorted Midas, with a glance of +scorn at his guest.</p> + +<p>Bursting with this valuable information, Jack immediately left the Opera +House and dispatched a rush telegram to Hiram Bumpus at Rocky Corners +offering him fifty thousand dollars for his farm.</p> + +<p>The answer came back the next morning:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>Price of farm seventy-five thousand, cash. No checks taken.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;"><span class="smcap">Hiram Bumpus</span>.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>To which Jack immediately replied: "Price satisfactory. Will arrive +Thursday with money."</p> + +<p>This done, our hero proceeded to camp on the front doorstep of Colonel +Midas, and when that distinguished financier appeared<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span> to take his motor +down to his office Jack, still wearing his invisible cloak, climbed in +alongside of him, and hardly daring to breathe lest he should betray his +presence in the car, rode down to the offices of the Midas Trust Company +with the magnate himself. Here Midas descended from the car, and Jack, +close upon his heels, followed him into that holy of financial holies, +the private office.</p> + +<p>"Any word from Rockernegie?" asked the Colonel of his secretary, as he +seated himself at his desk, Jack meanwhile having perched himself on the +mantelpiece.</p> + +<p>"Here at ten," returned the secretary, laconically. They did not even +waste breath in that office.</p> + +<p>"Moneypenny?"</p> + +<p>"Wires, here ten-fifteen."</p> + +<p>"Asterbilt?"</p> + +<p>"Yachting. Mediterranean. Leaves all to you."</p> + +<p>"Good!" said Midas. "When they come<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span> show them in, and I'm out to +everybody else."</p> + +<p>And then it was that Jack had his first glimpse of really great men in +action. By ten-thirty all the magnates of finance, with the exception of +Mr. Asterbilt, were on hand, and the secret meeting of the rulers of the +San Francisco, Omaha & Mott Haven Transcontinental Railway System was +on. They came down to business without any preliminaries.</p> + +<p>"Is it buy or build?" asked Midas.</p> + +<p>"Buy," said Rockernegie.</p> + +<p>"Build," said Moneypenny.</p> + +<p>"All right—we buy," said Midas.</p> + +<p>"It's a hold-up," said Moneypenny. "K., T. & W. was built for no other +purpose."</p> + +<p>"Perfectly true," said Midas. "Therefore, instead of announcing that we +shall buy, thus sending the price up till it bumps against the Dipper, +let us announce that we have decided to build our own connecting<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span> line, +and when K., T. & W. lands down around 1-7/8 we can go in and scoop it."</p> + +<p>"Always right, Midas," said Rockernegie.</p> + +<p>"I'll change my vote and make it unanimous," said Moneypenny, whereupon +the Colonel passed the cigars and the meeting stood adjourned. It had +taken seven minutes to settle a question involving millions upon +millions of dollars, and for a moment Jack stood aghast, but for no +longer than a moment, for the time for him to get busy had arrived. He +was in possession of the most valuable secret on Wall Street, and it +behooved him to begin operations. Passing hastily out of the office, he +first paid a visit to the Urban National, where after an hour's hard +work he succeeded in getting $300,000 out of the vaults, leaving on the +cashier's desk, while he was out at lunch, as security for his loan, a +sufficient amount of gilt-edged collateral, also taken from the vaults +of the bank itself.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It's all right," Jack wrote in his memorandum to the cashier. "I have a +big transaction on hand which can't help win out, and I shall rejoice +your heart by liquidating all my loans with you before spring. After +all, my dear sir, all business must be done on confidence, and I assure +you you can have plenty in me. I know myself through and through, and +can testify to my absolute integrity. Meanwhile let me repeat that your +money is the best I have ever used, and is received everywhere with real +enthusiasm."</p> + +<p>That night before he retired, operating through a dozen brokers' offices +so as not to attract undue attention, Jack purchased five thousand +shares of K., T. & W. at 20, paying for them in cash. The next morning +on the announcement from Colonel Midas's office that the San Francisco, +Omaha & Mott Haven road had decided not to take over the property, K., T. & W. +fell off to 10, at which figure, after a hurried visit to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span> +bank, Jack acquired ten thousand more shares. At the end of the week K., T. & W. +had slumped to 3-1/8, whereat Jack pyramided by taking over +twenty thousand more, all paid for in cash, having meanwhile sent his +lawyer to Rocky Corners with seventy-five thousand dollars to close his +real-estate deal with Hiram Bumpus.</p> + +<p>In the brief period of ten days the unfortunate tenant of the freezing +apartment at the Redmere had become the owner of fifty thousand shares +of K., T. & W., as well as the proprietor of a thirty-thousand-acre farm +through which a new line of railway was sure to pass.</p> + +<p>So the campaign went on over the Christmas season. Jack, by following +close on the heels of Midas or Moneypenny, it mattered little which, +secured inside information as to every deal of magnitude on Wall Street +whole days, and even weeks, before anybody else knew about it; and +having the resources of the Urban National to draw upon at need,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span> he was +never at a loss how to finance himself. January came, and just as it +seemed as if K., T. & W. was about to be wiped out of existence came the +report that the property had been acquired by the San Francisco, Omaha & +Mott Haven crowd, and that its stock had been put on an eight-per-cent. +guaranteed-dividend basis. The quotation immediately began to soar. K., T. & W. +began to jump like a kangaroo. First it leaped to 30, then to +68. On the tenth of January it opened at 128-7/8, and closed at 150, +where it stuck. For a time Jack waited for a further rise, but it failed +to come, and in February he sold one hundred and twenty thousand shares, +which had cost him on an average of $7 a share, for $150 a share, +realizing a profit of $17,160,000. Reference to his books showed that he +had drawn on the Urban National for a trifle over $1,250,000, which sum +he now started to return in the same laborious fashion in which it had +been acquired. Every day for a period of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span> ten days the lad would put on +his invisible cloak, and at the cashier's lunch-hour would walk into his +office and deposit a great bundle of currency on his desk. Once he found +that gentleman, and the president of the bank as well, awaiting him, but +it made no difference. Secure in the concealment of his marvellous +cloak, Jack stood in the doorway and tossed the package of bills into +the room, hitting the astonished president of the bank himself squarely +in the stomach with it.</p> + +<p>In this way complete restitution with interest was made, and on the +first of February Jack found himself clear of all obligations, with a +comfortable fortune of over $15,000,000 on his hands, which made any +further involuntary loans on the bank's part unnecessary; but what was +even better than this, the meteoric successes of the young millionaire +upon the Street brought him such renown that it was not long before the +powers began to take notice.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span></p> + +<p>"That young man," said Colonel Midas, after watching him for a little +while, "is the most singularly astute person I ever met. I don't wish to +be vulgar, but he has been the nigger in every woodpile I have tackled +for six months. He knows what I am going to do almost as quick as I do. +We'll have to take him in the firm."</p> + +<p>"He has a singularly keen premonition as to values," observed Mr. +Rockernegie. "I've half a mind to start a trust company and make him +president."</p> + +<p>As for Mr. Moneypenny, after a year's experience at finding Jack at the +bottom of pretty nearly every scheme he went into, he made the following +observation to his daughter, as he pointed Jack out to her at the +opera—in his own box now—one night.</p> + +<p>"That young man in the third box on the left, my dear, is young Mr. Jack +Hardluck. He's so keen that I don't even dare think what I'm going to do +for fear he'll find it out!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span></p> + +<p>"If that's the case, papa," said Miss Moneypenny, blushing, "the best +thing to do is to take him into the family. Don't you think you'd +better—"</p> + +<p>The girl hung her head shyly.</p> + +<p>"Better what, my dear?" asked the old billionaire, kindly.</p> + +<p>"Give him to me for a Christmas present?" she answered. "I think I could +get to like him very, very much."</p> + +<p>And, indeed, that is how it came to be that in due course of time the +young financier became the son-in-law of one of the financial powers of +the world.</p> + +<p>As for the invisible cloak, Jack wears it now only to travel <i>incog.</i>, +which for a multi-millionaire is sometimes convenient.</p> + +<p>Incidentally and in conclusion, let me add that Mike Brannigan, once the +janitor of the Redmere, is now the owner of that handsome +apartment-house, having received the title-deeds through<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span> the mails from +some anonymous benefactor.</p> + +<p>"Who the divvle sint it, I dinnaw!" he said. "Nor what for he done it, +nayther. I ain't never done nothin' to injure nobody!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span></p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="VI" id="VI"></a>VI</h2> + +<h3>THE RETURN OF ALADDIN</h3> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 79px;"> +<img src="images/ill_030.jpg" width="79" height="100" alt="Decorative N" title="" /> +</div> + +<p>ight had fallen over the city, but the work in the little tailor shop on +the Bowery still went on. The toiling widow of Mustafa, the incorporated +valet of the Bachelors' Aid Society, who had died the winter before, +leaving his family with nothing but a few debts and his ironing-board, +was wearily struggling with the last batch of undarned socks received +that morning from the association. She sighed deeply as she labored, for +her fingers were sore with many stitches.</p> + +<p>"Heigho!" she murmured, sadly. "Why<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span> don't these bachelors get married +and have this sort of thing done at home, I wonder? This is the +ten-thousandth sock I have darned since Christmas, and as for the +suspender buttons, the good Lord only knows how many of those I have +sewed on. There ought to be a law compelling men to marry on penalty of +having to do their own mending."</p> + +<p>Poor woman! In the weariness of her spirit she little dreamed that she +was growing petulant with her bread and butter. Suddenly she heard the +door of the little shop without open, and her son Aladdin entered, a +great, buoyant lad of twenty, cheerful of spirit and a good deal of a +giant physically.</p> + +<p>"Well, Worthless," she said, with an affectionate glance into his fine +eyes, "where have you been all day?"</p> + +<p>"Looking for work, mother, as usual," said the young man, throwing a +small package on the table. "And you?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p> + +<p>"The same old drudgery, dear," she replied, with a sigh. "Did you have +any luck?"</p> + +<p>"No, mother dear, not a bit," replied Aladdin.</p> + +<p>"Do you mean to tell me that in all this great city there is no work of +any kind that a hale, hearty, hungry boy like you can get to do?" she +demanded.</p> + +<p>"Plenty of it, mother," replied the boy; "plenty of it, but nothing in +my special line. Lots of snow-shovelling jobs and a position as guard on +the Subway were offered me, but I cannot demean myself by taking +anything of that sort, Mummsy dear. Father in the last days of his life +spent too many hours teaching me how to raise mushrooms under glass for +me to dishonor his memory by undertaking labor that is beneath that in +artistic quality, and just at present I cannot find anybody in all this +city who wants a helper in mushroom culture."</p> + +<p>"Then we shall have to go supperless to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span> bed," sighed the poor woman. +"Not a penny in the house and the pantry bare. Oh, Aladdin, Aladdin, why +will you not give up this false pride of yours and get some kind of a +job that will at least feed yourself and help me pay the rent?"</p> + +<p>The boy was silent. He had had this same argument with his mother time +and time and again, and he was quite aware of the futility of speech in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span> +trying to overcome her objections to what she termed his incorrigible +idleness.</p> + +<p>"What have you in the package?" the woman asked, after a prolonged<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> +silence.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," replied Aladdin. "I picked it up outside the stage-door +of the Helicon Theatre. I saw it lying in the snow and I brought it +along with me. It is probably some kind of a make-up box belonging to +one of the performers. If there is any reward offered in any of the +morning papers for its return, maybe I shall earn a few honest pennies +by taking it back to its owner."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span></p> + +<p>His mother busied herself with the string, and in a moment it came +untied and a small brass lamp rolled out of the brown-paper covering. It +was very dirty and much battered.</p> + +<div class="figright" style="width: 435px;"><a name="ILL_031" id="ILL_031"></a> +<img src="images/ill_031.jpg" width="435" height="500" alt=""HUMPH!" SAID SHE, SCORNFULLY" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"HUMPH!" SAID SHE, SCORNFULLY</span> +</div> + +<p>"Humph!" said she, scornfully, gazing at the homely little object. "I +don't think anybody will be foolish enough to offer a reward for a +trumpery little thing like that."</p> + +<p>"Ah, well," said Aladdin, gazing out of the shop window at the scurrying +crowds on the sidewalk, "it might be worse, Mummsy dear. We at least +have a roof over our heads this night, which is more than some of those +poor wretches have, and unless I am very much mistaken this storm that +is upon us is going to be a blizzard."</p> + +<p>In very truth a blizzard had descended upon the city. All the +transportation lines were blocked, and over on Broadway all traffic had +been tied up for hours. Thanks to the elevated-railway structure, this +portion of the Bowery still remained passable.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span> Even this was +momentarily piling higher and higher with the snow, and the wind was in +one of its most violently rampageous moods.</p> + +<p>"How would you feel if your little Aladdin had a job as a chauffeur on a +night like this?" the lad went on.</p> + +<p>The poor woman shuddered and was about to reply, when a terrific crash +from without drove all thought of words from her mind. Hastily running +to the window, she, too, peered out into the street for a moment over +Aladdin's shoulder, but only for a moment, for in an instant the boy was +up and making for the door of the little tailor shop. A heavy limousine +car lay overturned upon its side upon the walk, its wheels having +skidded on the slippery, snow-covered pavement, and striking the curb, +toppled completely over. Aladdin, with the agility of a small monkey, +soon mounted to the upper side of the overturned vehicle, and, opening +the door, had assisted a beautifully arrayed young woman, possibly a +year or two<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span> younger than himself, from within, and after her, fuming +and condemning his luck and the world in general, a gray-haired and +apparently irascible old gentleman.</p> + +<p>"Mother!" cried Aladdin, as the girl fainted in his arms, "come quickly. +The young lady has fainted."</p> + +<p>The good woman needed no second bidding. She hastened to his side, and +the limp form of the young girl was carried in her strong, motherly arms +into the little back room behind the tailor shop, which formed their +only home. Shortly afterward the old gentleman came also, ushered in by +Aladdin.</p> + +<p>"She is safe?" cried he, with an anxious glance at the prostrate form of +his daughter.</p> + +<p>"Perfectly so, sir," replied Aladdin's mother. "She has only fainted. +Won't you sit down, sir?" she added. "You look a little shaken up +yourself."</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said the old gentleman, gazing around the room vainly in +search of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span> a chair. "Ah—what shall I sit down on, madam?"</p> + +<p>"Try the stove, sir," laughed Aladdin. "It may warm it up a bit."</p> + +<p>The old man gazed frowningly at the boy, not relishing such levity at so +serious a moment, and Aladdin, slightly embarrassed by his own +frivolity, tried to cover his confusion by seizing the lamp that had +fallen from the package, and polishing its highly oxidized surface by +rubbing it on the patched knee of his trousers. And then a strange thing +came to pass. At the moment of the first attrition between his knee and +the little brass lamp the room seemed to fill with a gray mist and in +its gathering depths Aladdin perceived the huge figure of a blackamoor +gradually taking shape.</p> + +<p>"What the dickens!" muttered the lad to himself as the strange +apparition rose up before him, rubbing his eyes to make sure that he saw +clearly. "What do you want?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span> he added, springing to his feet as the +genie approached him.</p> + +<p>"I have come in response to your summons," replied the blackamoor. "Give +your orders, sir!"</p> + +<p>Aladdin grinned broadly at this. The idea of his ever giving orders to +anybody seemed so very absurd. Nevertheless, he fell in with the spirit +of the hour.</p> + +<p>"All right, Sambo," he returned. "Get this gentleman a chair. There may +be an extra one up-stairs in the music-room."</p> + +<p>The blackamoor disappeared for an instant and shortly returned bringing +with him the desired piece of furniture.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said the old gentleman, as he took his seat with an uneasy +glance around him. The situation was not altogether without alarming +features. As for Aladdin, you could have knocked him over with a +palm-leaf fan, so astonished was he at this unusual development.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I wish I'd asked for something to eat," he muttered to himself.</p> + +<p>"So do I," observed the old gentleman. "I'd give five hundred dollars +just now for a boiled egg."</p> + +<p>"You ought to get one studded with diamonds at that price," laughed +Aladdin, and then just for a joke he turned to the blackamoor. "Get this +gentleman five hundred dollars' worth of boiled eggs, Sambo," he said.</p> + +<p>"Hard or soft, sir?" asked the genie.</p> + +<p>"Three minutes," said the old gentleman.</p> + +<p>Sambo made a low salaam to Aladdin, and departing, he returned four +minutes later followed by seven other blackamoors just like him, each +carrying a large wicker hamper on his shoulders. These they deposited in +various parts of the room, and, gravely opening them, disclosed to the +astounded gaze of Aladdin and his unknown guest hundreds of eggs, +steaming as though freshly taken from the pot.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figleft" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_032" id="ILL_032"></a> +<img src="images/ill_032.jpg" width="500" height="372" alt=""THIS IS A HALF-PORTION, SIR," SAID SAMBO" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"THIS IS A HALF-PORTION, SIR," SAID SAMBO</span> +</div> + +<p>"This is a half-portion, sir," said Sambo, addressing Aladdin. "We will +return with the remainder in a minute, sir."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Just wait a second," said Aladdin, scratching his head in bewilderment +at the sight of so many eggs obtained with such ease. "It may be that +these will be enough for the time being. I'll ask the old chap. Excuse +me, Mr.—er—Mr.—er, I didn't catch your name, sir."</p> + +<p>"I am Major Bondifeller, president of the United Mints of North +America," replied the old gentleman. "A person not to be trifled with, +young man, as you probably know very well."</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span></p> + +<p>Aladdin gasped, as well he might. Here was old Rufus Bondifeller, +reputed to be the richest man in the world, a guest in his mother's +fast-failing little remnant of a tailor shop.</p> + +<p>"Gud-glad to mum-meet you, sir," stammered Aladdin. "Do you think +there's enough eggs here to satisfy your hunger?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span> There appears to be +two hundred and fifty dollars' worth here now, but if you wish the rest +served immediately—"</p> + +<p>"Great heavens, no!" roared Bondifeller. "When I said I'd give five +hundred dollars for a boiled egg I was merely speaking figuratively. A +rich man can't eat any more boiled eggs at a sitting than a poor man; +fact is, half the time he can't eat as many without a bad attack of +angina pectoris."</p> + +<p>"All right," said Aladdin, resolved to carry off the extraordinary +situation with an outward nonchalance, in spite of the inner turmoil +that kept his brain whirling. "You needn't bother about the rest of +those eggs now, Sambo. Major Bondifeller can get along on these."</p> + +<p>The blackamoor and his companions disappeared even as they had come, +apparently irrespective of doorways, and utterly regardless of walls. +They seemed merely to melt through whatever solid substances there might +be between themselves and annihilation.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span> As for Major Bondifeller, as he +observed these strange developments, his face grew set and rigid. He +eyed every movement of the blackamoors with uneasy attention until they +had vanished from sight, and then his flashing eye was riveted upon +Aladdin. Finally he spoke, sharply and to the point.</p> + +<p>"Well," he snapped, "how much?"</p> + +<p>Aladdin started. The icy tone of the speaker's voice chilled him, and it +was so peremptory that he felt for the moment as if he had been stung by +the lash.</p> + +<p>"How much what?" he said, finally, summoning up all his courage to face +the apparently angry millionaire.</p> + +<p>"Don't try to evade the point," retorted the Major, coldly. "Let's get +through with the business as quickly as we can. It is plain as a +pikestaff to anybody having half an eye that, taking advantage of our +mishap, you have lured my daughter and myself in here for your own +profit. No man<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span> keeps such a villainous-looking gang of niggers on hand +with an honest purpose. So what are your demands?"</p> + +<p>Aladdin laughed in spite of his disturbed frame of mind at the Major's +suspicions. It was such an absurd idea that he could be at the head of a +badger-gang, and yet, after all, he could not deny a certain sort of +reasonableness in the notion from Major Bondifeller's point of view. +Again taking the lamp casually in his hand, more as an outlet for his +embarrassment than for any other reason, he gave it a second rub and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span> +started to answer the Major's question, but, as before, the mist again +appeared, and from its musty depths the blackamoor took shape and +salaamed before him.</p> + +<p>"Well, what is it now, Sambo?" demanded Aladdin, frowning at the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span> +intruder.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_033" id="ILL_033"></a> +<img src="images/ill_033.jpg" width="500" height="367" alt=""YOU RUBBED THE LAMP, I BELIEVE?"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"YOU RUBBED THE LAMP, I BELIEVE?"</span> +</div> + +<p>"Your orders, sir," said the blackamoor. "You rubbed the lamp, I +believe?"</p> + +<p>Aladdin's heart leaped into his mouth. <i>He had rubbed the lamp twice, +and twice had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span> it brought him aid!</i> Surely, there must be some magic +about this.</p> + +<p>"What if I did rub the lamp?" he queried, in a tremulous voice. "What's +that got to do with you?"</p> + +<p>"I and my comrades are slaves of the lamp, as your Highness very well +knows," replied the blackamoor. "Whatever your commands, the United +Order of Amalgamated Genii must obey."</p> + +<p>"<i>Hooray!</i>" cried Aladdin, dancing a wild fandango about the room. "<i>Who +wants the handsome waiter?</i>"</p> + +<p>As the full import of his new-found treasure dawned upon his mind, the +lad's ecstasy bade fair to surpass all bounds, but the chilling voice of +Bondifeller served to calm his effervescing spirit.</p> + +<p>"I want nothing but your proposition, so that I may get out of this den +as speedily as possible," he was saying. "I am not a man to beat about +the bush, and I realize that you have got me. What is it you demand?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span></p> + +<p>"First and foremost, civility," said Aladdin, boldly, a sense of his own +power sweeping over him and giving him confidence. "I guess you'll find +that harder to negotiate than a check for a considerable sum, Major +Bondifeller, cash being a commoner commodity with you than civility. +Now, as a matter of fact, sir," the lad went on, "I had your daughter +carried in here out of that raging blizzard so that my mother could give +her the attention she needed. You I brought in also with no more +knowledge of who you were, and with no more idea of financially +profiting by your accident, than if you had been one of those +unfortunate tramps out on the Bowery there. But now that you have put +the idea in my mind that, perhaps, after all, nobody ever does anything +unselfishly in this world, I will make certain demands of you. To begin +with, you may pay me two hundred and fifty dollars for those eggs, and +as a mere act of ordinary generosity, you may tip the handsome<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span> waiter +fifty dollars. I understand, too, sir, that you are the proprietor of +these ten city blocks in which I and about twenty thousand of my +neighbors are housed?"</p> + +<p>"I believe I do own considerable property hereabouts," said the +millionaire, sullenly, "though I can't say offhand whether I do or not. +My agents look after my smaller investments."</p> + +<p>"Well," said Aladdin, "it don't make any difference to me whether you +remember what you own or not. The results so far as you are concerned +will be the same. You will have these ten blocks of houses torn down and +replaced by model tenements, turning the alternate blocks into city +parks for the children to play in."</p> + +<p>"But suppose I don't own 'em?" protested Bondifeller.</p> + +<p>"What you don't own, Major Bondifeller," returned Aladdin, "is too +trifling a detail for us to worry over. So long as you don't own me I +don't care a pickled herring<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span> what you do own. If it turns out upon +investigation that any of these pig-pens on these ten city squares +belong to anybody else, buy 'em."</p> + +<p>"Buy 'em?" snarled Bondifeller. "How can I buy 'em if the other man +won't sell?"</p> + +<p>"With money," said Aladdin; "the same stuff you always use to buy +anything else you happen to want, from an oil-painting or a Japanese +porcelain up to a State legislature or a man's conscience."</p> + +<p>"And if I don't agree?" demanded the old man, a truculent glare in his +eye, an eye before which the so-called powerful men of the earth had +trembled more than once in the past.</p> + +<p>Aladdin returned the gaze unflinchingly. Once more he rubbed the lamp, +and the genie appeared as before.</p> + +<p>"Sambo," said the lad, calmly, with a wink at the slave, "is dungeon +number thirty-seven on the fifteenth tier below the Subway occupied +to-night?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span></p> + +<p>"No, sir," replied the blackamoor, with a grin.</p> + +<p>"Very well, then," said Aladdin, coldly; "you may provide a special +escort of fifteen of your best and most reliable genii and have them +take this young lady to her home at Zoocrest, Central Park East, taking +care that nothing shall occur either to frighten her or to make her +uncomfortable in any way. Meanwhile, you yourself, with five of our +biggest huskies, will file this gentleman here away for the night in +dungeon number thirty-seven, as aforesaid."</p> + +<p>"As your Highness directs," replied the obedient blackamoor.</p> + +<p>In a moment the still prostrate form of Miss Bondifeller was borne +gently from the room and placed in a large touring-car that suddenly +materialized without, and shortly Bondifeller, sitting ruefully alone in +the little back room, could hear it chugging up the snowbound street at +as lively a pace as any racer ever struck upon the smoothest of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span> +boulevards. It was indeed an illuminating exhibition of the remarkable +resources of this extraordinary young man, and, strange to say, a +contemplation of it gave the old gentleman a curious sense of pleasure. +To be sure, he appeared to be in rather a bad predicament, but all the +same it was a novel sensation to him to encounter somebody who +apparently did not fear him. This was an emotion that he had not enjoyed +for many years, and it was not without its titillation.</p> + +<p>"I guess you've got me, young man," he said, rather meekly, when Aladdin +returned.</p> + +<p>"I guess that's a good guess," retorted Aladdin, nonchalantly. "There's +only one answer to the question that confronts you, and you've lit on it +the very first time. I don't intend to be at all vindictive, Major +Bondifeller," he continued, "but a little lesson in arbitrary power +isn't going to do you a bit of harm; so just make up your mind to take +your medicine, and let's save our breath to talk of more important +things.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span> First thing, I'm hungry. Mother, please lay covers for three—"</p> + +<p>"But, my son," began the poor woman, who, in caring for the unconscious +girl, had seen nothing of what was going on, "we haven't a morsel of +food in the—"</p> + +<p>"Do as I say, mother," said Aladdin, quickly. "Sambo will attend to the +rest."</p> + +<p>"Gone clean out of his head, poor laddy!" murmured his mother, +hastening, nevertheless, to fulfil his commands, merely as a means of +keeping him quiet. Meanwhile, Aladdin, seizing the faithful lamp, gave +it another rub, and when the blackamoor appeared he ordered a royal +repast—so royal, indeed, that old Major Bondifeller's eyes nearly +popped out of his head as he ran over the order. A few suppers of that +sort would have bankrupted even so flourishing a concern as the United +Mints of North America.</p> + +<p>"Any favorite dish you'd like to add, Major?" asked Aladdin, genially.</p> + +<p>The old man's eyes filled with tears at this<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span> exhibition of kindness, +even at this moment when they were practically enemies at swords' +points. He could not remember in his own line of effort in many years +that he had himself ever extended any consideration to a fallen foe.</p> + +<p>"Why, I don't know," said he, his voice growing husky with emotion. +"Sometimes in the midst of all the luxury I am enjoying to-day my mind +runs back to those early days on the old farm when my mother's apple +pies seemed to be the perfection of culinary art."</p> + +<p>"Say no more, Major; you shall have your wish," laughed Aladdin. Then, +turning to the waiting attendant, he added, "Sambo, you may add to that +order one full portion of pallid pippin pie for pale people, with a +glass of buttermilk on the side."</p> + +<p>An hour later the happy little party—for Major Bondifeller had warmed +up considerably under the exhilarating influence of his strange +surroundings—broke up with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span> sense of repletion that neither Aladdin +nor his poor mother had enjoyed for many years. Indeed, it is doubtful +if the young man himself had ever had so square a meal as that in all +his life before. Over the cigars, Bondifeller tried to take up the +thread of their before-dinner discourse.</p> + +<p>"As for that business suggestion of yours—" he began, flicking the ash +airily from the end of his cigar, but Aladdin stopped him.</p> + +<p>"I make it a rule never to talk business at or immediately after dinner, +Major," he said, reprovingly. "The hour is late and dungeon number +thirty-seven awaits you. I trust you will sleep well. Sambo, show this +gentleman to his room."</p> + +<p>"But—" began Bondifeller.</p> + +<p>"On your way, Sambo!" said Aladdin. "And, remember, that if this +gentleman turns up missing in the morning you lose your union card. +Good-night!"</p> + +<p>When Aladdin awoke the following morning<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span> it was only natural that he +should regard the events of the night before as nothing more than a +fantastic dream, and he was chuckling softly to himself over its +manifest absurdities, when all of a sudden he spied the lamp on the +table of his humble little room. He eyed it keenly for a few minutes, +and then springing from the bed he seized it in his left hand and began +rubbing it feverishly with his right. As had invariably happened before, +the genie responded on the instant.</p> + +<p>"Your orders, your Highness," he said.</p> + +<p>Aladdin scratched his head in sheer bewilderment, but, pulling himself +together by a strong effort of will, he answered, somewhat haughtily:</p> + +<p>"Send a maid to my mother's room immediately with instructions to +replenish her wardrobe at once with whatever things she may choose to +ask for, and you may yourself bring me my new frock coat, with the +lavender trousers and the white piqué vest.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> You may lay out my best +shirred-front shirt and my mauve tie, and see that my silk socks match +the latter. I shall wear my patent-leather shoes this morning, and if my +silk hat shows any signs of wear, get me a new one."</p> + +<p>"Yes, your Highness," said the blackamoor. "And will your Grace +breakfast?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Aladdin. "Have breakfast on the table in one hour from +now—fried eggs, buckwheat cakes, tenderloin steak, and a little salt +fish. I desire, also, to have Major Bondifeller at breakfast with me, +and, mind you, tell him not to keep me waiting."</p> + +<p>"As your Highness wills," said the blackamoor, retiring.</p> + +<p>Aladdin's orders were fulfilled to the letter, and after the breakfast +was over he summoned the genie with a considerable flourish, which +deeply impressed his guest.</p> + +<p>"Now, Sambo," said he, "I want you to take the limousine, go up to the +St. Gotham Hotel and inform the proprietor that Monsieur<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span> Le Duc di +Lumière will arrive there, with his mother the Countess de Bougie, and +suite, precisely at noon, and desires the best accommodations the house +can provide. To inspire confidence you would better take a few diamond +necklaces with you and deposit them for safe-keeping at the office; and +while you are about it, I'd like a couple of thousand dollars for +pocket-money."</p> + +<p>As he gave these orders Aladdin scarcely dared look at the genie, for +fear of rebellion, but they seemed to make no impression at all upon the +blackamoor, who merely bowed his acquiescence and handed Aladdin a bag +full of gold pieces. As for the Major, who had passed a sleepless night, +he merely blinked amazedly at these astounding occurrences. Finally, he +found his voice. "You are the Duc di Lumière?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"At your service," said Aladdin.</p> + +<p>"And may I ask what you are doing here in these squalid quarters?" +continued the old man.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I am conducting a personal investigation into the lives of the +unfortunate," replied Aladdin. "By some extraordinary good chance the +Fates have thrown you, who are largely responsible for the awful +conditions I find here, into my hands, with power to control your +movements. Within a radius of ten city blocks, Major Bondifeller, there +are enough human souls living in squalid misery to populate a New +England city, and yet you pay no more attention to them, nay, not as +much, as you pay to a fly that enters your house and buzzes around your +pate. You give the fly some personal attention, but in this matter of +your tenements you do nothing whatsoever, leaving it to an agent to care +for your smaller interests. I believe those are your own words. Now, +sir, it is in my power to keep you here for as long a time as I wish, +but I don't want to make a prisoner of you. I want to give you a chance +to do something for your fellow-men, especially those who can never<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span> +hope to repay you save in gratitude. You heard my views last night. I +ask nothing for myself, for, as you see, I do not need anything for +myself. I have but to order what I wish, and it is here."</p> + +<p>"Your model tenements are a useless ideal," retorted Bondifeller. "Only +last year, at enormous expense, I put bath-tubs in all my tenements, and +my agent reports that the tenants use them to store their coal in."</p> + +<p>"And do you know why?" demanded Aladdin.</p> + +<p>"Ignorance, I presume," said Bondifeller, "allied to a love of squalor."</p> + +<p>"Nothing of the sort!" retorted Aladdin, pounding the table with his +fist. "It is because you spent all your appropriation on bath-tubs and +never even thought of putting one penny into the construction of +coal-bins."</p> + +<p>Bondifeller was silent. He had never thought of that before.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Well," he said, ruefully, "I suppose I must agree, but it will cost +twenty millions of dollars."</p> + +<p>"What's twenty millions to a man who controls the United Mints of North +America?" demanded Aladdin.</p> + +<p>"But if you keep me here I shall not control the United Mints of North +America!" shouted Bondifeller, pounding the table just a little on his +own account. "John W. Midas and Silas Reddymun have combined against me, +and if I am not at the board meeting at ten o'clock this morning I am +down and out."</p> + +<p>"Phew!" whistled Aladdin. "By Jove! Major, I'm glad you mentioned it in +time. It gives me an opportunity to show you just what this power of +mine amounts to."</p> + +<p>He rubbed the lamp and the genie appeared.</p> + +<p>"I desire the immediate presence here of Colonel John W. Midas and Mr. +Silas Reddymun, Sambo," said Aladdin.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span></p> + +<p>"To hear is to obey," replied the slave, making off.</p> + +<p>"You don't mean to say—" gasped Bondifeller.</p> + +<p>"Major Bondifeller," said Aladdin, "I am not the saying kind. I am a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span> +plain, common garden doer. I admit that this time I am stretching things +a point, but you'll find my orders are obeyed."</p> + +<p>As indeed they were, to the astonishment of all concerned, not even +excepting Aladdin himself, who trembled at the audacity of his last +command. Within forty minutes the two gasping financiers whose presence +had been commanded sat before them. The genii had apparently taken them +just as they found them, for Reddymun still wore his bath-robe and Midas +was in his shirt-sleeves, with only one side of his face shaved.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"><a name="ILL_034" id="ILL_034"></a> +<img src="images/ill_034.jpg" width="500" height="449" alt=""WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" THEY DEMANDED" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" THEY DEMANDED</span> +</div> + +<p>"What the devil does this mean?" they demanded, in scarcely varying +terms.</p> + +<p>"It means," said Aladdin, calmly, now very sure of himself—as he had +every right<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span> to be, considering the already successful manifestation +of his powers—"it means, gentlemen, that the United Mints of North +America have passed into the control of a dark horse, who is familiarly +known to himself as Aladdin, Duc di Lumière, and that unless you +magnates get together inside of one hour and do something to clean up +the squalor and misery of this city as represented by these cesspools of +humanity termed the tenement districts, you will spend the balance of +your days in something worse. It is now twenty-seven minutes past eight. +You may go into executive session at half-past eight, and at half-past +nine I shall be ready to escort you either to your board-room at the +office of the United Mints of North America, or to the dark but wholly +secure safe-deposit vaults that I have designed for your accommodation +in the subterranean suburbs of this little burg."</p> + +<p>With these words, Aladdin departed.</p> + +<p>At noon that day Monsieur Le Duc di<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span> Lumière, with his mother the +Countess de Bougie, and suite, arrived at the St. Gotham Hotel.</p> + +<p>"There is a telegram for your Grace," observed the proprietor, as he +entered the royal salon. He handed over the little yellow envelope. +Aladdin tore it open hastily and read:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p><span class="smcap">M. Le Duc di Lumière</span>, <i>Hotel St. Gotham</i>:</p> + +<p>The Board of Directors of the United Mints of North America +have secured control of sixty blocks in the heart of the +tenement district of New York and will begin at once the +erection of thirty first-class model tenement houses, +costing two million apiece, each building fronting on all +four sides upon a complete city square to be devoted to +public parks for the people and playgrounds for the +children. Can you supply janitors? Answer, collect.</p></div> + +<p> +<span style="margin-left: 31em;">(Signed) <span class="smcap">Silas Reddymun</span>,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 33em;"><span class="smcap">John W. Midas</span>,</span><br /> +<span style="margin-left: 35em;"><span class="smcap">Rufus Bondifeller</span>.</span><br /> +</p> + +<p>A year later, while Aladdin and Mr. Bondifeller were returning from the +opening ceremonies of the wonderful new tenements of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span> lower New York in +the latter's motor, the aged financier gave his young friend's hand a +quick and affectionate pressure.</p> + +<p>"Duke," said he, his voice trembling with happiness, "you have made me +the happiest man in the world. When I looked out upon the sea of faces +of those tenants of our new houses, as you made your address, and saw +the look of hope in eyes that a year ago were filled with threatening +and despair, it gave me such a thrill as I never had before. Is there +anything else you can suggest wherein a man can use a few more millions +for the benefit of humanity?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," said Aladdin. "Now that you have done something for the poor, a +few millions spent for the amelioration of the habits of the rich would +be a great boon."</p> + +<p>"And how would you go about it?" asked the old man.</p> + +<p>"I don't know, Major," replied Aladdin. "It is a much harder proposition +than the other."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And meanwhile," said the old man, tremulously, "how can I show my own +gratitude to you personally for all you have done for me?"</p> + +<p>Aladdin looked across the car at the fair face of Marjorie Bondifeller, +whose lovely eyes fell as they caught his glance.</p> + +<p>"Well," said Aladdin, blushing a rosy red, "you might make me your son."</p> + +<p>"Ah, my boy," sighed the Major, as he shook his head sadly, "I am afraid +that is impossible. I don't think your mother would marry a +cross-grained old curmudgeon like me. I've been a widower for so many +years now that I have become set in my ways, and—"</p> + +<p>"But there's another way round, ain't there?" cried Aladdin.</p> + +<p>And there was, and that is how, my dear children, Marjorie Bondifeller +happened to become the Duchess di Lumière.</p> + +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK***</p> +<p>******* This file should be named 34423-h.txt or 34423-h.zip *******</p> +<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/4/4/2/34423">http://www.gutenberg.org/3/4/4/2/34423</a></p> +<p>Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed.</p> + +<p>Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Jack and the Check Book + + +Author: John Kendrick Bangs + + + +Release Date: November 23, 2010 [eBook #34423] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK*** + + +E-text prepared by Annie McGuire from scanned images of public domain +material generously made available by the Google Books Library Project +(http://books.google.com/) + + + +Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this + file which includes the original illustrations. + See 34423-h.htm or 34423-h.zip: + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/34423/34423-h/34423-h.htm) + or + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/34423/34423-h.zip) + + + Images of the original pages are available through + the the Google Books Library Project. See + http://books.google.com/books?id=WmoCAAAAYAAJ&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false + + + + + +JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK + +by + +JOHN KENDRICK BANGS + +Illustrated by Albert Levering + + +[Illustration: THE WISH BROUGHT ABOUT THE MOST ASTONISHING RESULTS--See +page 54] + + + + + + + +Harper & Brothers +New York and London +1911 + +Copyright, 1911, by Harper & Brothers + + + + +CONTENTS + + + CHAP. PAGE + I. JACK AND THE CHECK-BOOK 1 + II. THE GREAT WISH SYNDICATE 36 + III. PUSS, THE PROMOTER 74 + IV. THE GOLDEN FLEECE 115 + V. THE INVISIBLE CLOAK 157 + VI. THE RETURN OF ALADDIN 195 + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + + THE WISH BROUGHT ABOUT THE MOST ASTONISHING RESULTS _Frontispiece_ + THE BEANS SCATTERED IN EVERY DIRECTION 7 + THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR 23 + "BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN!" 27 + "A WEEK'S VACATION IN LITTLE OLD NEW YORK" 31 + WITHIN THE ANCIENT HOUSE SAT THE OWNER, RICHARD WILBRAHAM 39 + "BALLYHACK! LAST STATION----ALL OUT!" 51 + WILBRAHAM PAID BEFORE LEAVING THE COURT-ROOM 71 + "I SUPPOSE I COULD SELL YOU, BILL" 79 + "TELL 'EM TO TELL MR. BONDIFELLER THAT I AM TOO BUSY TO SEE HIM" 87 + "GOOD-BYE, JACK" 93 + "THE HANDSOMEST TOWER IN THE WORLD" 99 + "COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED MR. DOBBINS 107 + "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" 121 + "THERE'S THE MONEY, SIR" 131 + POOR GASMERILDA SAT WHITE-FACED 137 + "I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER, GASMERILDA" 141 + "THIS IS THE GREATEST CINCH IN THE HISTORY OF FINANCE" 149 + "DERE ISS SOMEDINGS IN DOT SEADT, ALRETTY YET!" 169 + "THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH MY NERVES" 175 + "HUMPH!" SAID SHE, SCORNFULLY 199 + "THIS IS A HALF-PORTION, SIR," SAID SAMBO 207 + "YOU RUBBED THE LAMP, I BELIEVE?" 213 + "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" THEY DEMANDED 231 + + + + +JACK AND THE CHECK-BOOK + + + + +I + + +Once upon a time a great many years ago there lived a poor woman who, +having invested all her savings in mining shares, was soon brought to +penury and want. She had bought her modest little home and all there was +in it on the instalment plan, and here she was, upon a certain beautiful +morning in late spring, absolutely penniless, and three days off, +staring her in the face, were payments due on the piano, the kitchen +range and even on the house itself. Moreover, the winter had been a +bitter one. Four times had the water-pipes frozen and burst, and a +plumber's bill of appalling magnitude had come in the morning's mail, +with the stern admonition stamped in red letters at the bottom: + + LONG PAST DUE. + PLEASE REMIT. + +The unhappy woman was at her wit's ends to know what to do. She had +tried to sell her shares in "Amalgamated War-whoop," only to find that +that once promising company had passed into the hands of a receiver, and +that there was an assessment, amounting to four times their face value, +due on the shares, so that every possible purchaser to whom she applied +refused to take the stock off her hands unless she paid them five +dollars a share for the service and would guarantee them against the +chance of further loss. All other means of raising the necessary +funds--and she had tried them all--proved equally futile. The +savings-banks would not lend her a penny on a house of which the parlor +floor alone was clear of obligation, and the threat of the piano people +to remove that instrument if the March instalment, now a month over-due, +was not immediately forthcoming rendered that both unsalable and +valueless as security for a loan. + +[Illustration] + +She sat, the perfect picture of hopeless despair, in her rocking-chair, +gazing moodily out of the window, thinking dreadful thoughts, and, it +may be, contemplating the alternative of suicide or marriage with the +village magnate, a miserable villain whom everybody detested, and who, +everybody knew very well, had been instrumental in the ruin of her +deceased husband, a once prosperous haberdasher. But on a sudden her +look of despair faded wholly away and a great light of happiness +illumined her eyes, as up the garden path, whistling merrily as he +strode along, came her son Jack, a lad of fifteen, the comfort and +solace of her lonely days. + +"Dear boy!" she murmured softly to herself as he waved his hand at her, +"he is the only thing I have left that there isn't something due on." + +The boy, entering the room, still whistling, flung his cap up on the +table and kissed his mother affectionately. + +"Well, mother," he said, joyously, "our troubles are over at last." + +Her face beamed an eager inquiry. The sudden, overwhelming happiness of +the news itself deprived her of the power of speech for a moment, and +then with difficulty she gasped out the words: + +"Then you have secured a place with steady wages, my son?" + +Her heart beat wildly as she awaited the answer. + +"No, mother," he replied, promptly. "The only position open to me was +that of private secretary to old Jonas Bilkins, my father's enemy, and +when he found out that I was my father's son he fired me out of his +office." + +"No wonder!" muttered the woman. "He didn't dare let you have access to +his private papers. He knows that every penny he calls his own belongs +by right to us, and once you got hold of his letter-files and secret +documents you could prove it." + +[Illustration] + +"So he said, mother dear," said the boy. "He was brutally frank about +it, and when I told him what I thought of him, and advised him to pick +out a nice, comfortable jail to spend his declining years in, he threw +his check-book at my head." + +"The miserable villain!" groaned the old lady. "Did it hit you?" + +"No, indeed," laughed Jack. "My baseball training helped me out there. I +caught it on the fly and have brought it home with me. Meanwhile, I have +sold the cow." + +"You have?" cried the delighted mother, clasping him warmly in her arms. + +"Yes," said Jack, proudly. "We need not go hungry to-day, mother. I +swapped her off for a pot of beans." + +[Illustration: THE BEANS SCATTERED IN EVERY DIRECTION] + +An awful, despairing silence followed this announcement. The old lady +loved her son beyond everything in the world, but this was too much even +for a mother's love. The idea that a first-class Jersey cow worth not +less than forty-five dollars regarded merely as raw material for the +table, and not taking into account her value as a producer of rich, +creamy milk, should have been bartered for a miserable pot of beans, and +doubtless pickled beans at that, was the last straw of misfortune that +broke the back of the Camel of Maternal Patience, and with certain +phrases of a forceful nature she seized the pot from her son's trembling +hand and flung it with such impetus against the garden wall that it was +shattered into countless fragments, and the beans scattered in every +direction. After this attack of rage she took to her bed, weeping +bitterly. Jack too, stunned by his kind mother's wrath, retired to his +little cot in the attic, and sought relief from his troubles and the +gnawing pangs of hunger in sleep. + +But lo and behold! the following morning a strange thing had happened. +Jack, upon waking early, found his once sunny window obscured by a heavy +growth of leaves, and on dressing rapidly and going into the garden to +see what had caused this strange condition of affairs, was surprised to +find a splendid bean-stalk sprung up during the night, and, what was +still more wonderful, still springing, moving rapidly upward like the +escalator he had once seen upon the elevated railway in New York when +with his father he had visited that wonderful city to inspect the spring +and autumn styles for the haberdashery. + +He gazed at it in wondering amazement, and then the silence was broken. +"All aboard for Ogreville!" cried a squeaky little voice from behind one +of the branches. "Step lively, please! All aboard!" + +Jack, nothing loath for a new experience, immediately seated himself +astride one of the rapidly rising tendrils, and soon found himself +soaring in the upper air, far, far above the earth, upon what he came +subsequently to call his "Aero-Bean." + +"Well, we have you at last," said the squeaky little voice from behind +the leaves, pleasantly. "You may not remember it, my lad, but you once +gave up your strap on a subway train to a tired-looking woman and she +has never forgotten your kindness. It so happens that she was Queen of +the Fairies, and later on she became Chairman of the Board of Directors +of the United States Fairy Corporation of Wall Street. You are now about +to receive your reward. You have Major Bilkins's check-book with you?" + +"Yes," said Jack. "He threw it at me yesterday, and I've had it ever +since." + +"Good!" said the squeaky little voice. "What is the old man's balance?" + +"Three million five hundred and seventy-five thousand four hundred and +fifty-seven dollars," said Jack, reading off the figures slowly, and +gasping at the thought of anybody's having so much money as that on +hand. + +"H'm!" said the squeaky little voice. "It is rather less than I had +thought. However, we can fix that without much trouble. Zeros are +cheap. Just add six of them to that balance." + +"Do you mean add or affix?" asked Jack. + +"Affix is what I should have said," replied the squeaky little voice. +"Get out your fountain pen and tag 'em on." + +Jack immediately obeyed. + +"Now what does it come to?" asked the little voice. + +"Three trillion five hundred and seventy-five billion four hundred and +fifty-seven million dollars," stammered Jack, his eyes bulging with +amazement. + +"That's better," laughed the little voice. "Thus you see, my boy, how +easy it is to make much out of a little if you only know how. Three and +a half trillions is a pretty tidy bit of pocket-money for a boy of your +age. So be careful how you use it, my son. Use it wisely, and all will +be well with you." + +As the voice spoke these words the growing stalk came to a sudden stop, +and the voice added: + +"Ogreville! Last stop! All out!" + +The boy stepped off the stalk, and found himself in a magnificently +broad and fertile country. Great fields of waving grain, numberless +pasturages filled with prize cattle of all sorts, surrounded him on +every hand. Trees heavily laden with rare fruits bordered the highways, +and everything everywhere bore unmistakable evidences of a rare +prosperity. + +"Phe-e-ew!" whistled Jack, blinking with joy at all he saw before him. +"This looks like the land of milk and honey all right. And only twenty +minutes by bean-car from New York! What a chance for corner lots, and an +easy suburb for business men!" + +The lad wandered along for a while, rejoicing in all the beauties of the +wondrous scene, when, coming to a turn in the magnificently laid road, +he perceived not far ahead of him a splendidly built castle, much +resembling a famous city hotel he had once passed on a sight-seeing +coach, and, remembering on a sudden that he had had no breakfast, he +walked boldly up to the main entrance and knocked on the massive bronze +door. A beautiful young girl about his own age answered the summons. + +"I don't know if this is a hotel," said Jack, politely, "but if it is, +might I get a bite here?" + +"I fear you might if my stepfather should happen to see you," replied +the girl with a shudder, her face mantling with a deep luscious red, the +like of which Jack had never seen anywhere save on the petal of a rose +or the cheek of a cherry. + +The silvery tones of her voice thrilled him. + +"Thank you," he said, stepping into the hallway through the open door. +"I shall be very glad to meet your stepfather, and if, while I am +waiting, I might have a couple of scrambled eggs and a cup of coffee--" + +"Oh, go! Do not stay here!" pleaded the girl. "Please go!" + +"I go?" laughed Jack. "And leave you? Never!" + +"But you do not understand," trembled the girl. "My stepfather is an +ogre, and he eats--" + +"I only understand one thing," said Jack, valiantly. "And that is that I +love you with all my heart. I don't care if your stepfather eats--" + +"For my sake then, go!" pleaded the girl. "I too am not unsusceptible to +the dart of love, and for the first time I look upon a spirit I could +honor and obey, but--" + +"Then it is love at first sight for both of us," said Jack, folding her +in his arms. + +It was indeed a blissful moment for both, but alas! it was more than +fleeting, for suddenly there came from an inner room off the great +corridor a terrific voice, roaring: + + "FEE-FO-FI-FOY! + I SMELL THE BLOOD OF A HIGH-SCHOOL BOY. + BE HE REAL OR BE HE FAKE + I'LL GRIND HIS BONES FOR A BUCKWHEAT CAKE." + +"Oho!" cried Jack, springing back. "I think I've heard something like +that before. This is not a hotel, but the castle of that child-eating +ogre--" + +"The very same!" cried the girl, her face blanching with terror. "And, +what is worse, he hasn't had a boy to eat for three weeks. If you truly +love me, I beg you will fly at once." + +"Sorry to be disobliging, but I can't fly, my beloved. I've left my +aeroplane at home. In short, my dear--er--er--what is your name, +sweetheart?" + +"Beanhilda," replied the blushing girl. + +"In short, my dear Beanhilda," Jack resumed, "having no wings, I cannot +fly." + +"Alas!" cried the girl, bursting into floods of tears as the ogre +suddenly appeared in the hallway, and seizing Jack by the collar of his +coat held him high in the air between his thumb and forefinger. "Alas! +it is too late. I shall never get a fiance past step-papa's +breakfast-table!" + +"No, my child," grinned the ogre, smacking his lips hungrily. "It is not +too late. He is just in time. I have been wanting a couple of poached +boys on toast for three solid weeks, and the butcher has just telephoned +me that there isn't a fresh kid to be had for love or money in any of +the markets." + +"I am sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Ogre," said Jack, as calmly as he +could under the trying circumstances, "but I won't poach well. I'm +half-back on our high-school eleven, and, as a matter of fact, am known +as the toughest lad in my native town." + +A shadow of disappointment crossed the ogre's face. + +"Confound football!" he growled. "I haven't managed to get a tender boy +since the season opened." + +"Moreover," said Jack, seeing that the time for strategy had arrived, "I +didn't come here for your breakfast, I came for mine." + +"By Jove, you shall have it!" cried the ogre, slapping the table with +his fists so hard that the platters and glasses upon its broad surface +jumped up and down. "I like nerve, and you are the only kid I've caught +in forty years that didn't begin to yell like mad the minute I grabbed +him. We'll keep you here and feed you on the fat of the land, until you +have sort of softened up. Sit down, sir, and have your fill. Beanhilda, +get the lad a cup of coffee." + +The ogre placed Jack in a high-chair at his side, and they breakfasted +together like two old cronies, the fair Beanhilda waiting upon them, and +with every passing moment convincing Jack, by her grace, beauty, and +amiability, of the solid fact that he loved her ardently. It was a +terrible sight to see the ogre swallow a whole lamb at one bite, taking +it up by its tail and dropping it into his mouth as if it were no more +than a stalk of asparagus, and consuming not less than fifty-seven +varieties of breakfast food, boxes, wrapping, premiums and all at one +spoonful, but the lad's nerve never deserted him for a moment, and he +chatted away as pleasantly as though breakfasting with ogres was one of +the accustomed operations of his every-day life. + +"This is a great place you have here, Mr. Ogre," he remarked, sipping +his coffee slowly. "Of course, it isn't quite as rich and fertile as my +own little place up in Vermont, and your cattle, though evidently of +fine breed, are hardly what Montana ranch-men would consider first +class. Still--" + +The ogre stopped eating and looked at the speaker with considerable +surprise. + +"You mean to say you can beat this place of mine anywhere?" he +demanded. + +"Well," said Jack, amiably, "of course I don't mean to criticise this +beautiful country. It is very beautiful in its own way, and there is +some evidence of wealth here. I was only saying that next to my place it +comes pretty near to being the finest I ever saw." + +"I guess you'd go a good many miles before you'd see a castle like +mine," said the ogre, with a proud glance around him. + +"I haven't seen your castle yet, sir," said Jack. "But this little +bungalow we are in strikes me as about as cute and comfy a cozy-corner +as I've visited in a month of Sundays." + +"Bungalow?" roared the giant. "You don't call this a bungalow, do you?" + +"Why, yes," said Jack. "It certainly isn't a tent, or a chicken-coop, or +a tool-house, is it? It's mighty comfy anyhow, whatever you call it. I +wouldn't mind owning it myself." + +A glitter came into the ogre's eyes. If this young man were merely +bluffing now was the time to call him. + +"Oh, as for that," said the ogre, with a sarcastic laugh, "you can own +it--that is, you can if you can pay for it. I'll sell." + +Here he winked at the butler as much as to say, "Now we'll see him +flop." But Jack had no intention of flopping. + +"Really?" he said, with a great show of enthusiasm. "Well, this is fine. +I hadn't the slightest idea the place was in the market, but if we can +get together on a figure, I might be tempted. How much?" + +"What would you say to $2,500,000?" demanded the ogre, with a grim +smile. + +"Done!" said Jack. "And cheap at the price." + +Here he drew out the check-book, and drew a check for the full amount to +the order of William J. Ogre, Esq., which he tossed across the table to +the amazed giant. + +"There's your money," he said. "Fork over the deeds." + +The ogre rubbed his eyes, and almost stopped breathing for a moment. + +"H'm!" he muttered, inspecting the check closely. "This looks pretty +good to me. What kind of a book is that, young man?" + +"That?" laughed Jack. "Oh, that's what we call the magic check-book. It +is the kind that all our big financiers use--Mr. Rockernegie, Colonel +Midas, and John Jacob Rothschild, and all the rest of them. It is merely +an ingenious financial contrivance that enables us to avoid contact with +actual money, which is not only vulgar and dangerous to carry in large +quantities, but in some cases is full of germs." The lad went on and +explained to the ogre just how checks were drawn and presented for +payment. + +"It's a pretty nice sort of an arrangement, that," said the ogre, very +much interested, "but suppose you draw out your whole balance, what +then?" + +"All you have to do is to affix a half dozen ciphers to the remainder +before you start the overdraft," said Jack. "For instance, on my way +up here this morning I found that the balance on hand was only +$3,575,457, so, feeling that I should be more comfortable with just a +little more ready money to carry me along, I added those six ciphers you +see on the right-hand side of the figures, bringing the balance up to +$3,575,457,000,000. If you will examine the ciphers under a microscope, +sir, you will note that they have only recently been entered." + +"By thunder!" roared the ogre, glaring at the book enviously. "This is +one of the marvels of the age. Why, armed with a book like that you can +buy anything in sight!" + +"If the other man will sell," said Jack. "By-the-way, would you mind if +I lit my after-breakfast cigarette?" + +"Go ahead! Go ahead! Do anything you darn please," said the ogre, gazing +at him with wonder. + +Jack thereupon drew a check for $500,000, tore it from the book, and +rolled it into a small cylinder, which he filled with some corn-silk he +had in his pocket, and then lit it with another check for a similar +amount. + +The ogre's eyes nearly popped out of his head at such a marvellous +exhibition of resources. + +"It makes an expensive smoke," smiled Jack, settling back to the +enjoyment of the cigarette, "but after all, as long as I have the money, +why not enjoy myself? Will you join me?" + +He took up his pen as though to make another. + +"No, no, no!" cried the ogre, walking agitatedly up and down the floor. +"I--er--I'm afraid it's too soon after breakfast for me. Do you mean to +tell me that such an inexhaustible treasure as this really exists?" + +"There it is, right before your eyes," said Jack. "Suppose we test it. +Think of a large sum of money, tell me what it is, and see if I can't go +you a dollar better." + +"Four hundred millions!" cried the ogre, impulsively. + +"Piker!" ejaculated Jack, with a smile, as he drew his check for +$400,000,001. + +"A billion and a half!" cried the ogre. + +"Now you're beginning to get your pace," laughed Jack. "There's my +check, sir, for $1,500,000,001, according to specifications." + +"That reduces your balance some, though," said the ogre. + +"Yes," said Jack. "It reduces it by $1,900,000,002, leaving me with only +$3,573,574,999,998 on hand, but if I affix six ciphers to that, as I +will now proceed to do, I have, as the figures conclusively show, +$3,575,574,999,998,000,000, or about a squillion more than I had before +I began to draw." + +[Illustration: THE OGRE COLLAPSED IN HIS CHAIR] + +The ogre collapsed in his chair. The magnitude of these figures appalled +him. + +"Great glory!" he cried. "I didn't know there was that much money in the +world. Can--can anybody work that book?" + +"Anybody who comes by it honestly and without trickery," said Jack. "Of +course, if a man gets hold of it in an unscrupulous way, or goes back on +his bargain, it's as valueless to him as so much waste paper." + +The ogre strode up and down the room, filled with agitation. He had +thought to trick the boy out of his wonderful possession--in fact, to +swallow him whole and then appropriate his treasure, but Jack's +explanation put an entirely new phase on the matter. + +"I suppose you wouldn't part with that book?" he finally asked. + +"Yes," said Jack. "I'll let you have it if you will transfer all your +property irrevocably to your stepdaughter, Beanhilda, and give me her +hand in marriage." + +"It's a bargain!" gulped the ogre, whereupon he summoned his lawyers and +his secretaries, and by noon all his possessions had passed beyond +recall into the hands of Beanhilda. A special messenger was sent down +the bean-stalk to fetch Jack's mother, and that afternoon the happy lad +and the fair Princess of Ogreville were married with much pomp and +ceremony. + +[Illustration: "BLESS YOU, MY CHILDREN!"] + +"Bless you, my children!" murmured the ogre, as the irrevocable words +were spoken by the priest, and Jack passed the magic check-book over to +its new owner. "May you live long and happily. As for me, I'm off for a +week's vacation in little old New York." + +[Illustration: "A WEEK'S VACATION IN LITTLE OLD NEW YORK"] + + * * * * * + +"How did you manage it, sweetheart?" whispered Beanhilda in her +husband's ear a few weeks later. "Step-papa had such a penchant for +hard-boiled boys that I feared you were lost the moment he appeared." + +Jack explained the whole history of the magic check-book to her, but +when he had done, his bride grew white. + +"But what if he comes back?" she cried, shuddering with fear. "His +vengeance will be terrible." + +"Have no fear, Beanhilda," Jack answered. "He will not return. Read +that." + +And he handed her an evening paper in which, with rapidly drying eyes, +she read the following: + +SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS FOR PASSING BAD CHECKS + + William J. Ogre, claiming to be a prominent resident of + Ogreville, who was arrested at the St. Gotham Hotel last + Thursday afternoon on a charge of having passed a dozen + bogus checks for amounts ranging from ten to fifteen + thousand dollars apiece, was found guilty yesterday by a + jury in the criminal branch of the United States Circuit + Court. He was sentenced to fifteen years' imprisonment at + hard labor in the Federal Prison at Thomasville, Georgia, on + each of the five different counts, making his prison term in + all not less than seventy-five years. Other indictments are + still pending against him for forgery on the complaint of + Major Bilkins, president of the Suburban Trust Company, of + whose name he was found availing himself in his criminal + transactions. Major Bilkins, when seen last night by a + reporter of this paper, stated his intention of keeping the + shameless operator in jail for the rest of his natural life. + +"I shouldn't sit up for papa if I were you, Beanhilda," said Jack, with +a smile. "It looks to me as if he was going to be detained down-town +late on business." + +And the young couple lived happily forever after. + + + + +II + +THE GREAT WISH SYNDICATE + + +The farm had gone to ruin. On every side the pastures were filled with a +rank growth of thistles and other thorn-bearing flora. The farm +buildings had fallen into a condition of hopeless disrepair, and the old +house, the ancestral home of the Wilbrahams, had become a place of +appalling desolation. The roof had been patched and repatched for +decades, and now fulfilled none of the ideals of its roofhood save that +of antiquity. There was not, as far as the eye could see, a single whole +pane of glass in any one of the many windows of the mansion, and there +were not wanting those in the community who were willing to prophesy +that in a stiff gale--such as used to be prevalent in that section of +the world, and within the recollection of some of the old settlers +too--the chimneys, once the pride of the county, would totter and fall, +bringing the whole mansion down into chaos and ruin. In short, the +one-time model farm of the Wilbrahams had become a by-word and a jest +and, as some said, of no earthly use save for the particular purposes of +the eccentric artist in search of picturesque subject-matter for his +studies in oil. + +[Illustration: WITHIN THE ANCIENT HOUSE SAT THE OWNER, RICHARD +WILBRAHAM] + +It was a wild night, and within the ancient house sat the owner, Richard +Wilbraham, his wife not far away, trying to find room upon her husband's +last remaining pair of socks to darn them. Wilbraham gazed silently into +the glowing embers on the hearth before them, the stillness of the +evening broken only by the hissing of the logs on the andirons and an +occasional sigh from one of the watchers. + +Finally the woman spoke. + +"When does the mortgage fall due, Richard?" she asked, moving uneasily +in her chair. + +"To-morrow," gulped the man, the word seeming to catch in his throat and +choke him. + +"And you--you are sure Colonel Digby will not renew it?" she queried. + +"He even declines to discuss the matter," said Wilbraham. "He contents +himself with shaking it in my face every time I approach his office, +while he tells his office-boy to escort me to the door. I don't believe +in signs, Ethelinda, but I do believe that that is an omen that if the +money is not forthcoming at noon to-morrow you and I will be roofless by +this time to-morrow night." + +The woman shuddered. + +"But, Richard," she protested, "you--you had put by the money to pay +it long ago. What has become of it?" + +"Gone, Ethelinda--gone in that ill-advised egg deal I tried to put +through two years ago," sighed Wilbraham, as he buried his face in his +hands to hide his grief and mortification. "I sold eggs short," he +added. "You remember when that first batch of incubator hens began +laying so prolifically--it seemed to me as though Fortune stared me in +the face--nay, held out her hands to me and bade me welcome to a share +in her vast estates. There was a great shortage of eggs in the market +that year, and I went to New York and sold them by the dozens--hundreds +of dozens--thousands of dozens--" + +He rose up from his chair and paced the floor in an ecstasy of +agitation. "I sold eggs by the million, Ethelinda," he went on, by a +great effort regaining control of himself. "Eggs to be laid by hens +whose great-great-great-grandmothers had yet to be hatched from eggs +yet unlaid by unborn chickens." + +Wilbraham's voice sank to a hoarse, guttural whisper. + +"And the deliveries have bankrupted me," he muttered. "The price of eggs +has risen steadily for the past eighteen months, and yesterday a hundred +thousand of January, strictly fresh, that I had to buy in the open +market in order to fill my contracts, cost me not only my last penny, +but were in part paid for with a sixty-day note that I cannot hope to +meet. In other words, Ethelinda, we are ruined." + +The woman made a brave struggle to be strong, but the strain was too +much for her tired nerves and she broke down and wept bitterly. + +"We have but four hens left," Wilbraham went on, speaking in a hollow +voice. "At most, working them to their full capacity, in thirty days +from now we shall have only ten dozen eggs added to our present store, +and upon that date I have promised to deliver to the International Cold +Storage Company one thousand dozen at twenty-two and a half cents a +dozen. Even with the mortgage out of the way we should still be securely +bound in the clutch of bankruptcy." + +A long silence ensued. The clock out in the hall ticked loudly, each +clicking sound falling upon Wilbraham's ears like a sledge-hammer blow +in a forge, welding link by link a chain of ruin that should forever +bind him in the shackles of misery. Unbroken save by the banging now and +then of a shutter in the howling wind without, the silence continued for +nearly an hour, when the nerve-killing monotony of the ceaseless +"tick-tock, tick-tock" of the clock was varied by a resounding hammering +upon the door. + +"It is very late," said the woman. "Who do you suppose can be calling at +this hour? Be careful when you open the door--it may be a highwayman." + +"I should welcome a highwayman if he could help me to find anything in +the house worth stealing," said Wilbraham, as he rose from his chair and +started for the door. "Whoever it may be, it is a wild night, and +despite our poverty we can still keep open house for the stranger on the +moor." + +He hastened to the door and flung it wide. + +"Who's there?" he cried, gazing out into the blackness of the storm. + +A heavy gust of wind, icy cold, blew out his candle, and a great mass of +sleet coming in with it fell with a dull, sodden thud on the floor at +his feet, and some of it cut his cheek. + +"I am a wanderer," came a faint voice from without, "frozen and starved. +In the name of humanity I beg you to take me in, lest I faint and +perish." + +"Come in, come in!" cried Wilbraham. "Whoever you are, you are more than +welcome to that which is left us; little enough in all conscience." + +An aged man, bent and weary, staggered in through the door. Wilbraham +sprang toward him and caught his fainting form in his strong arms. +Tenderly he led him to his own abandoned chair by the fireside, where he +and his faithful wife chafed the old fellow's hands until warmth had +returned to them. + +"A cup of tea, my dear," said Wilbraham. "It will set him up." + +"And a morsel to eat, I implore you," pleaded the stranger, in a weak, +tremulous voice. "The merest trifle, good sir, even if it be only an +egg!" + +The woman grew rigid at the suggestion. "An egg? At this time when eggs +are--" she began. + +"There, there, Ethelinda," interrupted Wilbraham, gently. "We have two +left in the ice-box--your breakfast and mine. Rather than see this good +old man suffer longer I will gladly go without mine. The fact is, eggs +have sort of disagreed with me latterly anyhow, and--" + +"It is as you say, Richard," said the woman, meekly, as with a hopeless +sigh she turned toward the kitchen, whence in a short time she returned, +bearing a steaming creation of her own make--a lustrous, golden egg, +poached, and lying invitingly upon the crisp bosom of a piece of toast. +It was a sight of beauty, and Wilbraham's mouth watered as he gazed +hungrily upon it. + +And then the unexpected happened: The aged stranger, instead of +voraciously devouring the proffered meal, with a kindly glance upon his +host, raised his withered hands aloft as though to pronounce a +benediction upon him, and in a chanting tone droned forth the lines: + + "Who eats this egg and toast delicious + Receives the gift of three full wishes-- + Thus do the fairy folk reward + The sacrifices of this board." + +A low, rumbling peal of thunder and a blinding flash as of the lightning +followed, and when the brilliant illumination of the latter had died +away the stranger had vanished. + +Wilbraham looked at his wife, dumb with amazement, and she, tottering +backward into her chair, gazed back, her eyes distended with fear. + +"Have I--have I been dreaming?" he gasped, recovering his speech in a +moment. "Or have we really had a visitor?" + +"I was going to ask you the same question, Richard," she replied. "It +really was so very extraordinary, I can hardly believe--" + +And then their eyes fell upon the steaming egg, still lying like a +beautiful sunset on a background of toast upon the table. + +"The egg!" she cried, hoarsely. "It must have been true." + +"Will you eat it?" asked Wilbraham, politely extending the platter in +her direction. + +"Never!" she cried, shuddering. "I should not dare. It is too uncanny." + +"Then I will," said Wilbraham. "If the old man spoke the truth--" + +He swallowed the egg at a single gulp. + +"Fine!" he murmured, in an ecstasy of gastronomic pleasure. "I wish +there were two more just like it!" + +No sooner had he spoken these words than two more poached eggs, even as +he had wished, appeared upon the platter. + +"Great heavens, Ethelinda!" he cried. "The wishes come true! I wish to +goodness I knew who that old duffer was." + +The words had scarcely fallen from his lips when a card fluttered down +from the ceiling. Wilbraham sprang forward excitedly and caught it as it +fell. It read: + + HENRY W. OBERON + Secretary, The United States Fairy Co., + 3007 Wall Street + +"Henry W. Oberon, United States Fairy Company, Wall Street, eh?" he +muttered. "By Jove, I wish I knew--" + +"Stop!" cried his wife, seizing him by the arm, imploringly. "Do stop, +Richard. You have used up two of your wishes already. Think what you +need most before you waste the third." + +"Wise Ethelinda," he murmured, patting her gently on the hand. "Very, +very wise, and I will be careful. Let me see now.... I wish I had ... I +wish I had...." + +He paused for a long time, and then his face fairly beamed with a great +light of joy. + +"I wish I had three more wishes!" he cried. + +Another crash of thunder shook the house to its very foundations, and a +lightning flash turned the darkness of the interior of the dwelling into +a vivid golden yellow that dazzled them, and then all went dusk again. + +"Mercy!" shuddered the good wife. "I hope that was an answer to your +wish." + +"It won't take long to find out," said Wilbraham. "I'll tackle a few +more natural desires right here and now, and if they come true I'll +know that that thunderbolt was a rush message from the United States +Fairy Company telling me to draw on them at sight." + +"Well, don't be extravagant," his wife cautioned him. + +"I'll be as extravagant as I please," he retorted. "If my fourth wish +works, Ethelinda, my address from this hour on will be Easy Street and +Treasury Avenue. I wish first then that this old farm was in Ballyhack!" + +[Illustration: "BALLYHACK! LAST STATION--ALL OUT!"] + +"Ballyhack! Last station--all out!" cried a hoarse voice at the door. + +Wilbraham rushed to the window and peered out into what had been the +night, but had now become a picture of something worse. Great clouds of +impenetrable smoke hung over the grim stretches of a dismal-looking +country in which there seemed to be nothing but charred remnants of +ruined trees and blackened rocks, over which, in an endless line, a +weary mass of struggling plodders, men and women, toiled onward +through the grime of a hopeless environment. + +"Great Scott!" he cried, in dismay, as the squalid misery of the +prospect smote upon his vision. "This is worse than Diggville. I wish to +heaven we were back again." + +"Diggville! Change cars for Easy Street and Fortune Square!" cried the +hoarse voice at the door, and Wilbraham, looking out through the window +again, was rejoiced to find himself back amid familiar scenes. + +"They're working all right," he said, gleefully. + +"Yes," said his wife. "They seem to be and you seem to be speculating as +usual upon a narrow margin. Again you have only one wish left, having +squandered four out of the five already used." + +"And why not, my dear," smiled Wilbraham, amiably, "when my next wish is +to be for six spandy new wishes straight from the factory?" + +Mrs. Wilbraham's face cleared. + +"Oh, splendid!" she cried, joyously. "Wish it--wish it--do hurry before +you forget." + +"I do wish it--six more wishes on the half-shell!" roared Wilbraham. + +As before, came the thunder and the lightning. + +"Thank you!" said Wilbraham. "These fairies are mighty prompt +correspondents. I am beginning to see my way out of our difficulties, +Ethelinda," he proceeded, rubbing his hands together unctuously. +"Instead of dreading to-morrow and the maturity of that beastly old +mortgage, I wish to thunder it were here, and that the confounded thing +were paid off." + +The wish, expressed impulsively, brought about the most astonishing +results. The hall clock began instantly to whirr and to wheeze, its +hands whizzing about as though upon a well-oiled pivot. The sun shot up +out of the eastern horizon as though fired from a cannon, and before the +amazed couple could realize what was going on, the village clock struck +the hour of noon, and they found themselves bowing old Colonel Digby, +the mortgage holder, out of the house, while Wilbraham himself held in +his right hand a complete satisfaction of that depressing document. + +"Now," said Wilbraham, "I feel like celebrating. What would you say to a +nice little luncheon, my dear? Something simple, but good--say some +Russian caviare, Lynnhaven Bay oysters, real turtle soup, terrapin, +canvas-back duck, alligator-pear salad, and an orange brulot for two, +eh?" + +"It would be fine, Richard," replied the lady, her eyes flashing with +joy, "but I don't know where we could get such a feast here. The +Diggville markets are--" + +"Markets?" cried Wilbraham, contemptuously. "What have we to do with +markets from this time on? Markets are nothing to me. I merely wish that +we had that repast right here and now, ready to--" + +"Luncheon is served, sir," said a tall, majestic-looking stranger, +entering from the dining-room. + +"Ah! Really?" said Wilbraham. "And who the dickens are you?" + +"I am the head butler of the Fairies' Union assigned to your service, +sir," replied the stranger, civilly, making a low bow to Mrs. Wilbraham. + +There is no use of describing the meal. It was all there as foreshadowed +in Wilbraham's gastronomically inspired menu, and having had nothing to +eat since the night before, the fortunate couple did full justice to it. + +"Before we go any further, Richard," said Mrs. Wilbraham, after the duck +had been served, "do you happen to remember how many of your last six +wishes are left?" + +"No, I don't," said Wilbraham. + +"Then you had better order a few more lest by the end of this charming +repast you forget," said the thoughtful woman. + +"Good scheme, Ethelinda," said Wilbraham. "I'll put in a bid for a gross +right away. There is no use in piking along in small orders when you can +do a land-office business without lifting your little finger." + +"And don't you think, too, dear," the woman continued, "that it would be +well for us to open a set of books--a sort of General Wish Account--so +that we shall not at any time by some unfortunate mistake overdraw our +balance?" + +"Ethelinda," cried Wilbraham, his face glowing with enthusiastic +admiration, "you have, without any exception, the best business head +that ever wore a pompadour!" + +Thus it began. A cash-book was purchased and in its columns, like so +many entries of mere dollars, Wilbraham entered his income in wishes, +faithfully recording on the opposite page his expenditures in the same. +The first entry of one gross was made that very night: + + March 16, 19--, Sight Draft on U. S. Fairy Co., 144 + +Before long others followed and were used to such an effect that at the +end of the year, by a careful manipulation of his resources, carefully +husbanding the possibilities of that original third wish, Wilbraham +found that he had expressed and had had gratified over ten thousand +wishes, all of such a nature that the one-time decrepit farm had now +become one of the handsomest estates in the country. A chateau stood on +the site of the old mansion. Where the barns had been in danger of +falling of their own weight were now to be found rows of well-stocked +cattle-houses and dairies of splendor. The decaying stables had become +garages of unusual magnificence, wherein cars of all horsepowers and +models panted, eager to be chugging over the roads of Diggville, which +by a single wish expressed by Wilbraham had become wondrously paved +boulevards. And in the chicken-yards that had taken the place of the +discouraging coops of other days thousands of hens laid their daily +quota of prosperity for their owner in the plush-upholstered nests +provided for their comfort by Wilbraham, the egg king, for that was what +he had now become. In all parts of the world his fame was heralded, and +hosts of sight-seers came daily to see the wonderful acres of this +lordly master of the world's egg supply. And, best of all, there was +still a balance of forty-three hundred and eighty-seven wishes to his +credit! + +The leading financiers of the world now began to take notice of this new +figure in the realm of effort, for they soon found their most treasured +and surest schemes going awry in a most unaccountable manner. No matter +how much they tried to depress or to stimulate the market, some new and +strange factor seemed to be at work bringing their calculations to +naught, and when it became known to them that the mere expression of a +wish on the part of Wilbraham would send stocks kiting into the air or +crashing into the depths, no matter what they might do, they began to +worry. + +"To-morrow," said John W. Midas, as he talked to Wilbraham and his +friends one evening at the club, "International Gold Brick Common will +fall off thirty-seven points." + +"Not so, Colonel," Wilbraham had retorted. "It will rise seventy +points." + +"Oh, it will, will it? How do you know that?" demanded Midas. + +"Because I wish it," said Wilbraham. + +And on the morrow International Gold Brick, opening at 96-5/8, lo and +behold! closed at 166-5/8, and the friends of Midas who had laughed at +Wilbraham and sold short went to the wall. A half-dozen experiences of a +similar nature showed the former rulers of the financial world that +Wilbraham had now become a force to be reckoned with, and for their own +protection the more eminent among them called a meeting at the home of +Mr. Andrew Rockernegie to consider the situation. There was too much +power in the hands of one man, they thought, although that idea had +never occurred to any of them before. The result of the meeting was that +Colonel Midas was appointed a committee of one to call upon Wilbraham +and see what could be done. + +"You may not be aware of it, Mr. Wilbraham," said the Colonel, "but by +your occasional intrusions into our lines of work you are making finance +an inexact science. Now, what will you take to keep your hands off the +market altogether? Twenty millions?" + +Wilbraham laughed. + +"Really, Colonel Midas," he replied, "I had no idea that you ever did +business on a corner-grocery basis like that. You ought to run a vacuum +cleaner over your brow. I think there are cobwebs in your gray matter. +Why, my dear sir, I can capitalize this gift of mine at a billion, and +pay ten per cent. on every dollar of it every year, with a little melon +to be cut up annually by the stock-holders of one hundred and fifty per +cent. per annum. Why, then, should I sell out at twenty millions?" + +"Oh, I suppose you can have the earth if you want it," retorted Midas, +ruefully. "But all the same--" + +"No, I don't want the earth," said Wilbraham. "If I had wanted it I +should have had it long ago. I'd only have to pay taxes on it, and it +would be a nuisance looking after the property." + +"On what basis will you sell out?" demanded Midas. + +"Well, we might incorporate my gift," said Wilbraham. "What would you +say to a United States Wish Syndicate, formed to produce and sell wishes +to the public by the can--POTTED WISHES: ONE HUNDRED NON-CUMULATIVE +WISHES FOR A DOLLAR. Eh?" + +Midas paced the floor in his enthusiasm. + +"Magnificent!" he cried. "We'll underwrite the whole thing in my +office--bonds, stock, both common and preferred--for say--ahem!--how +much did you say?" + +"Oh, I guess I can pull along on a billion," said Wilbraham. "Cash." + +Midas scratched his head. A glitter came into his eye. + +"You wish to give up control of your gift?" he asked. + +"You are a clever man, Colonel Midas," grinned Wilbraham. "If I had said +'yes' to that question I'd have lost my power. But I'm too old a bird to +be caught that way. You go ahead and form your company, and sell your +securities to the public at par, pay me my billion, and I'll transfer +the business to you, C. O. D." + +"Done!" said Midas, and he returned to his fellow-captains on the +Street. + +Wilbraham was felicitating himself upon a wondrously good stroke of +business, when another caller entered his room, this time unannounced. + +"How do you do, Mr. Wilbraham?" said the stranger, as he mysteriously +materialized before Wilbraham's desk. + +"How are you?" said Wilbraham. "Your face is familiar to me, but I can't +just recall where I have met you." + +"My name is Oberon, sir," said the stranger, "I am the secretary of the +United States Fairy Company. There is a little trouble over your +account, and I have called to see if we can't--" + +Wilbraham's heart sank within him. + +"It--it isn't overdrawn, is it?" he whispered, hoarsely. + +"No, it isn't," said the secretary. + +"By Jove!" cried Wilbraham, drawing a deep sigh of relief, and springing +to his feet, grasping Oberon by both hands. "Sit down, sit down! You +have been a benefactor to me, sir." + +"I am glad you realize that fact, Mr. Wilbraham," said the fairy, +somewhat coldly. "It makes it easier for me to say what I have come +here to say. We did not realize, Mr. Wilbraham," he went on, "when we +awarded you the three original wishes that you would be clever enough to +work the wish business up into an industry. If we had we should have +made the wishes non-cumulative. We were perfectly willing to permit a +reasonable overdraft also, but we didn't expect you to pyramid your +holdings the way you have done until you have practically secured a +corner in the market." + +Wilbraham grinned broadly. + +"I have been going some," he said. + +"Rather," said Oberon. "Your original three wishes have been watered +until we find in going over our books for the second year that they +reach the sum total of three million five hundred and sixty-nine +thousand four hundred and thirty-seven, and that you still have an +unexpended balance on hand of four hundred and ninety-seven thousand +three hundred and seventy-four wishes. The situation is just this," he +continued. "Our company has been kept so busy honoring your drafts that +we are threatened with a general strike. We didn't mind building you a +chateau and furbishing up your old chicken-farm, and setting you up for +life, but when you enter into negotiations with old John W. Midas to +incorporate yourself into a wish trust we feel that the time has come to +call a halt. The fairies are honest, and no obligation of theirs will +ever be repudiated, but we think that a man who tries to build up a +billion-dollar corporation to deal in wishes on an investment of one +poached egg is just a leetle unreasonable. Even Rockernegie had a trifle +more than a paper of tacks when he founded the iron trust." + +"By ginger, Oberon," said Wilbraham, "you are right! I _have_ rather put +it on to you people and I'm sorry. I wouldn't embarrass you good fairies +for anything in the world." + +"Good!" cried Oberon, overjoyed. "I thought you would feel that way. +Just think for one moment what it would mean for us if the Great Wish +Syndicate were started as a going concern, with a board of directors +made up of men like John W. Midas, Rockernegie, and old Bondifeller +running things. Why, there aren't fairies enough in the world to keep up +with those men, and the whole business world would come down with a +crash. Their wish would elect a whole Congress. If they wished the +Senate out of Washington and located on Wall Street, you'd soon find it +so, and, by thunder, Wilbraham, every four years they'd wish somebody in +the White House with a great capacity for taking orders and not enough +spine to fill an umbrella cover, and the public would be powerless." + +Wilbraham gazed thoughtfully out of the window. A dazzling prospect of +imperial proportions loomed up before his vision, and the temptation was +terrible, but in the end common sense came to the rescue. + +"It would be a terrible nuisance," he muttered to himself, and then +turning to Oberon he asked: "What is your proposition?" + +"A compromise," said the fairy. "If you'll give up your right to further +wishes on our account we will place you in a position where, for the +rest of your natural life, you will always have four dollars more than +you need, and in addition to that, as a compliment to Mrs. Wilbraham, +she can have everything she wants." + +"Ha!" said Wilbraham, dubiously. "I--I don't think I'd like that +exactly. She might want something I didn't want her to have." + +"Very well, then," said the fairy, with a broad smile. "We'll make you +the flat proposition--you give us a quit-claim deed to all your future +right, title, and interest in our wishes, and we will guarantee that as +long as you live you will, upon every occasion, find in your pocket five +dollars more than you need." + +"Make it seven and I'll go you!" cried Wilbraham, really enthusiastic +over the suggestion. + +"Sure!" returned Oberon with a deep sigh of relief. + + * * * * * + +"Well, dearest," said Wilbraham that night as he sat down at his onyx +dinner-table, "I've gone out of the wish business." + +His wife's eyes lit up with a glow of happiness. + +"You have?" she cried, delightedly. + +"Yes," said Wilbraham; and then he told her of Oberon's call, and the +new arrangement, and was rejoiced beyond measure to receive her approval +of it. + +"I am so glad, Richard," she murmured, with a sigh of content. "I have +been kept so busy for two years trying to think of new things to wish +for that I have had no time to enjoy all the beautiful things we have." + +"And it isn't bad to have seven dollars more than you need whenever you +need it, is it, dearest?" + +"Bad, Richard?" she returned. "Bad? I should say not, my beloved. To +have seven dollars more than you need at all times is, to my mind, the +height of an ideal prosperity. I need five thousand dollars at this very +minute to pay my milliner's bill." + +"And here it is," said her husband, taking five crisp +one-thousand-dollar bills from his vest pocket and handing them to her. +"And here are seven brand-new ones besides. The fairies are true to +their bargain." + +[Illustration: WILBRAHAM PAID BEFORE LEAVING THE COURT-ROOM] + +And they lived affluently forever afterward, although Midas and his +confreres did sue Wilbraham for a hundred million dollars for breach of +contract, securing judgment for twenty-nine million dollars, the which +Wilbraham paid before leaving the court-room, departing therefrom with +a balance of one five and two one dollar bills to the good. + +And that is why, my dear children, when you see the Wilbraham motor +chugging along the highway, if you look closely you will see painted on +the door of the car a simple crest, a poached egg _dormant_ upon a piece +of toast _couchant_, and underneath it, in golden letters on a scroll, +the family motto, _Hic semper septimus_. + + + + +III + +PUSS, THE PROMOTER + + +Once upon a time, not many years ago, my children, there was a well-known +captain of industry who at his death had no other legacy to leave to his +three sons than fourteen bank accounts, all of them overdrawn, a couple +of automobiles without any tires on their wheels, and an Angora cat +which had taken several prizes at the annual cat show in New York, and +upon more than one occasion had had its picture printed in the society +columns of the Sunday newspapers. + +The eldest son took over the bank accounts, and by the negotiation of +several large checks among his friends, each one dated several months +ahead, had managed to escape to Venezuela with a comfortable fortune, +where, after several revolutions, he found himself in the President's +cabinet as Secretary of the Treasury. He further enriched himself in +this office by the private sale of national bonds to innocent investors, +prior to his departure for Algiers, and became, before his death, a +leading spirit in that interesting colony, and an influential member of +the Missionary Society of East Africa. + +The second son took the automobiles, and with a pot of paint and eight +old life-preservers, relics of the palmy days when his father was a +famous yachtsman, so furbished them up that he was able to sell them f. +o. b. to a couple of farmers in central Connecticut for five thousand +dollars, which he invested in Steel Common when it was sulking along +between 10 and 12 on a margin of five per cent., and, selling out at +84-7/8, he was soon able to retire to the serene joys and quiet +pleasures of the Great White Way, along whose verdured slopes he pranked +and played until paresis called him at the ripe age of twenty-seven +years. But to the youngest son, poor Jack Dinwiddie, by the terms of his +father's will, fell only the residue of the estate after the two +brothers had had their shares; in other words, the Angora cat! + +It was, indeed, a melancholy situation, for poor Jack, like a great many +other sons of men of presumably large wealth, had studied only political +economy at college, and of the domestic variety knew nothing. He was an +honorary member of the Consumers' League, but of the methods of the +Producers' Union he knew little, and here at the age of twenty-two he +found himself fatherless, penniless, and without any visible means of +support in the line of earning capacity. + +"Well, Puss," he said, gloomily, as he gazed at his Angora cat, who was +sitting on top of a pile of unpaid bills in Jack's bachelor apartment, +washing his face with his right paw, "it looks to me as if we were up +against it. The governor has gone to his last account, my allowance has +ceased, and you are the only clear and unencumbered asset in my +possession, barring this last cigarette and two matches loaned to me by +a kind gentleman upon the street to whom I applied recently for a +light." + +He paused and lit the cigarette, while Puss, unmindful of the pathos of +the situation, continued his prinking, giving especial attention to his +whiskers, brushing them upward from his lips until he bore a not very +remote resemblance to the Kaiser himself. + +[Illustration: "I SUPPOSE I COULD SELL YOU, BILL"] + +"I suppose I could sell you, Bill," the young man went on. "Angora cats, +with a pedigree dating back to Dick Whittington's time and a bunch of +blue ribbons big enough to supply every prohibitionist in the Union +with a bowknot for the lapel of his coat, must have some market value, +especially in a time like this, when anything resembling beef is worth +its weight in radium; but I won't do it, old man. You've been a mighty +good cat to me, and as long as there is a drop of chalk and water left +in this world you shall have your morning dish of milk." + +It was then that a very singular thing happened. + +"That's all I wanted to know, Jack," purred the cat, jumping to the +floor and rubbing his sleek sides up against his master's leg +affectionately. "If we are not to be separated, it is up to me to show +myself the worthy descendant of a noble and resourceful ancestry. There +is a tradition in our family that no backyard fence has ever been so +hard to climb that we couldn't get over it. Do you know who I am?" + +"Why, yes," said Jack, rubbing his eyes in astonishment, for he had +never heard the cat speak before. "You are Angora Bill, the Champion +Chinchilla of fourteen consecutive annual shows, and the neatest little +ratter that ever lived." + +"I am more than that," replied the cat, proudly. "I am the direct lineal +descendant of the original Puss in Boots, and one of the advance agents +of prosperity." + +Jacked laughed even in his misery. + +"Those days have gone, Puss," he said, wearily. "There are no longer any +fairies to help poor beggars like me out of a hole, Bill--" + +"That's what you think," smiled puss, scratching his left ear with his +right hind-paw; "but, my dear boy, my great-great-great-great-grandfather +was a back-fence piker alongside of myself, who, all unknown to you, am +one of the board of directors of the United States Fairy Company, of +3007 Wall Street, New York. If you will do just what I tell you, my boy, +we shall emerge from this little embarrassment of ours with flying +colors, and spend our declining years in a little onyx bungalow on the +corner of Bond Avenue and Easy Street that will make the Vandergilt +palace up on the Plaza look like a particularly cheap and self-effacing +owl-wagon." + +Jack gazed mournfully at his companion. Surely, he thought, our +misfortunes have driven him crazy. Nevertheless he decided to humor the +creature. + +"What would you have me do, Puss?" he asked. + +"Nothing much," replied the cat. "Just pack your suit-case with your few +remaining collars and other garments, fill your five trunks with Sunday +newspapers and unpaid bills, and move at once into the Waldorf-Astoria, +taking a suite of five rooms and a bath." + +"On nothing?" demanded the astonished youth. + +"You lose less on nothing than you would if you had something to lose," +retorted puss, with a wise air. "Do as I say. Lend me a pair of your +boots, a derby hat, and your fur-lined ulster, and wait for me in your +apartment. Go at once to the hotel, register, and ask if there are any +letters or messages for you, and all will be well. You might register as +Horace Vanderpoel, of Cincinnati, or St. Louis, or any other old place +at a comfortable distance from New York. Let your luggage precede you." + +The cat spoke in a masterful tone that inspired confidence. As he +delivered his instructions he donned his master's boots and fur-lined +overcoat, and then putting the derby hat jauntily upon his head he +sauntered forth. + +"Good-bye, Jack," he said, as he reached the door. "Follow my +instructions to the very last detail, and before long you'll be wearing +diamonds that will make the average incandescent electric light look +like an eclipse." + +Now Jack was a venturesome youth and ready at all times for any kind of +an unusual experience; so, deeply impressed by the mere fact of the +cat's having spoken at all, he decided to follow out his instructions to +the letter. His five trunks, filled to the brim with papers and bills +and any other objects of _virtu_ that came handy, were dispatched at +once to the Waldorf, and in about three hours he himself followed them, +registering in a large, bold hand as Horace Vanderpoel, of Kansas City, +in the hotel book. + +"I want a suite of five rooms and a bath," said Jack. + +"Certainly, Mr. Vanderpoel," said the room-clerk, courteously. "We had +already made a reservation for you, sir. We will give you suite number +forty-two on the first floor." + +"Good!" said Jack. "I wasn't aware that my coming had been heralded--in +fact, I have been wanting to have it kept as quiet as possible. +Important negotiations, you know." + +"We quite understand, Mr. Vanderpoel," said the clerk. + +"Have any letters or telephone messages been received for me?" Jack +demanded. + +"No letters, sir," replied the clerk, "but--Rockernegie's secretary +'phoned us about an hour ago requesting us to ask you to let him know +the minute you arrived--fact is, sir, that is how we came to be on the +lookout for you." + +"Rockernegie, eh?" said Jack, scratching his head with a puzzled air. +"Well," he added with a laugh, "I guess he can wait a bit. Have J. W. +Midas & Co. rung me up yet?" + +"Not yet, sir," said the clerk. + +"Well, I'm going down-stairs to be shaved," said Jack. "If Midas does +ring me up let me know." + +He chuckled as he went down to the barber-shop. + +"Bill is a great cat," he muttered to himself. "Rockernegie! Gee! +Here's hoping he won't forget Midas and Bondifeller." + +He sat down in the barber's chair and was soon richly lathered. The +barber was about to apply the razor, when a small boy clad in a perfect +rash of buttons entered the shop. + +"NUMBER FORTY-TWO, please!" he cried. "Gentleman number FORTY-TWO!" + +"Wait a minute, Barber," said Jack. "That's my number. Here, boy, what +is it?" + +"Wanted on the telephone, sir," said the boy. + +"Find out who it is," said Jack, impatiently. + +"Yes, sir," said the boy. "I have, sir. They told me to tell you, sir, +that Mr. Bondifeller was on the 'phone, sir." + +[Illustration: "TELL 'EM TO TELL MR. BONDIFELLER THAT I AM TOO BUSY TO +SEE HIM"] + +"Oh, is that all?" grinned Jack. "Well, you tell 'em to tell Mr. +Bondifeller that I am too busy just at present to see him. You might +tell him, too, that I haven't anything to add to what I said in my +last letter. If he doesn't like that, the deal is off." + +There was a considerable craning of necks in the neighboring chairs, for +Jack had not thought to address his remarks to the lad in tones +suggestive of a confidential communication. The boy staggered slightly +on his feet, but managed to get away without dropping under the weight +of such a message, and Jack, lying back in his chair, requested the +barber to proceed. + +"Bill is a great cat!" he chuckled. + +"Beg pardon?" queried the barber. + +"I say don't shave me too close," said Jack. + +The shave over, Jack retired to his apartment and found in suite number +forty-two everything that the heart of man could desire, and throughout +the great caravansary the name of Horace Vanderpoel was held in high +honor. To be sure they had never heard of him before, but the associate +of these brilliant dignitaries of the financial world must indeed be +somebody, even in New York! Here he sat, awaiting developments, his +amusement as well as his interest in the adventure increasing +momentarily. An hour passed and then a card was brought to his door +bearing the mystic words: + + COLONEL A. N. GORA + THE CATSKILL CLUB + +"Ask Colonel Gora to come right up," said Jack, with difficulty +repressing the guffaw that struggled within him for expression, +recognizing the name at once. Five minutes later puss walked in, the +perfect picture of a military dandy, largely due no doubt to the cut of +his whiskers. + +"Well," he said, removing his gloves, and out of sheer force of habit +proceeding to wash his face with his right paw, "you seem to be pretty +comfortably located." + +"In the lap of luxury," grinned Jack. + +Puss's face grew solemn. + +"For a cat, my dear Jack, or, rather, Horace," he said, "the lap of +luxury would be a saucer of milk." + +"You shall have a pitcherful, Bill," cried Jack, rushing to the 'phone. + +"Not on your life, my dear boy!" meowed puss, excitedly stopping him. +"Never! The occupant of an apartment like this ordering a pitcher of +milk! Why, my dear fellow, that would queer our game at the very start. +Order some tea and I'll drink the cream." + +After regaling himself on the refreshment provided by the confiding +management, puss, with a graceful readjustment of his whiskers, turned +with a smile to the wondering and admiring beneficiary of his +resourceful mind. + +"Well, what do you think of it, Jack?" he asked. + +"It is very nice indeed, Puss," Jack answered, "but--er--I can't help +thinking of the possibilities of the day of reckoning. Who's going to +pay for all this when the bill comes in?" + +"Don' t worry," said puss; "I'll attend to all that. This afternoon I +want you to climb aboard the sight-seeing coach that leaves Madison +Square at three o'clock. Sit next to the young lady with blue eyes and a +Persian lamb ulster, whom you will find occupying the front seat with +her father, a large, stout gentleman with a kohinoor sparkling like an +electric light in his shirt-front and three more on his little finger. +If you happen to see me on the same coach, don't let on that you know +me, and, above all, don't deny anything you may hear anybody saying +about you. Where did you register from?" + +"Kansas City," replied Jack. + +[Illustration: "GOOD-BYE, JACK"] + +"All right," said puss. "Keep a stiff upper lip, my boy, and all will be +well. Good-bye. Like most cats, I have a few fences to take care of +this afternoon and I must be off. I've found a nice little kitten up the +street who is going to manicure my nails." + +With these words the amazing creature donned his hat and coat and, +resuming his boots, strode out with a magnificent swagger. + +At three o'clock in the afternoon Jack, in accordance with his +instructions, boarded the sight-seeing coach at Madison Square, and, +recognizing the young woman referred to by puss sitting on the front +seat of the car, seated himself beside her. + +"When do we start, Popper?" asked the girl, with a demure glance at +Jack. + +"Putty soon, I guess," said the old gentleman, who sat on her other +side. "But there ain't never any tellin'. These New York guys does +things putty much as they please." + +"Humph!" muttered Jack under his breath. "He sounds like real money from +Goldfields." + +In a few moments the car started, and as they passed around the +Flatiron Building Jack was still further amazed to recognize in the +voice of the lecturer none other than that of the faithful puss. + +"This building," Jack heard him saying boldly, "is the famous Flatiron +Building, erected at great expense by the Fuller Company and lately +purchased for five million dollars by the famous Missouri financier and +capitalist, Mr. Horace Vanderpoel." + +"_Gee-rusalem!_" ejaculated Jack. + +[Illustration: "THE HANDSOMEST TOWER IN THE WORLD"] + +"To the right is the wonderful tower of the Metropolitan Life Insurance +Building--the handsomest tower in the world," continued puss, bellowing +his words into Jack's ears playfully through his megaphone; "while off +across the square to the north the structure in yellow brick is the +famous Madison Square Garden, soon to be torn down to make room for the +new Vanderpoel office building, sixty-four stories high, containing +theatres, assembly halls, churches, convention halls, restaurants, +apartments, and so on, besides offices, costing between ten and twenty +millions of dollars." + +"Vanderpoel Building, eh?" said the old gentleman. "Any relation to the +feller that's bought the Flatiron?" + +"Same man, sir. He's the only Vanderpoel," replied puss. + +"Must have seven or eight dollars to spare," said the sight-seer. + +"Ten or twelve, sir," laughed puss. "It is said that he is trying to buy +a controlling interest in the whole city. Negotiating for the Astor +estate, they say." + +"Great Scott!" gasped the sight-seer. "What's he going to do with it +when he gets it?" + +"Don't know, sir," replied puss, gayly. "Kind of suspect he's thinking +of annexing it to Kansas City, sir." + +The car proceeded until the party reached the Plaza. + +"On the left is the Plaza Hotel, another property of the Vanderpoel +syndicate," said puss; "said to have cost the Kansas City millionaire +ten millions, and paid for in cash." + +"_Gee!_" gasped the young woman's father, and Jack indorsed the +observation unreservedly. + +"That's a pretty house, Popper," said the young woman as the car reached +the Ninety-sixth Street entrance to the Park, pointing toward Mr. +Rockernegie's residence. + +"Formerly the residence of Andrew Rockernegie," said puss, "but recently +sold to Mr. Vanderpoel for three million dollars." + +"It's mighty funny I never heard of this Vanderpoel feller before," said +the old man. + +"Just come into his fortune, sir," vouchsafed puss. "Very young man just +come of age, sir." + +The old man leaned forward and, addressing Jack, inquired: + +"Did you ever hear of this man Vanderpoel, young man?" + +"Well, yes," said Jack, with a modest laugh. "Fact is, _I myself am +Horace Vanderpoel_." + +The stranger gazed at him in amazement. + +"Well, by ginger!" he said. "I--I--I'm dee-lighted to meet you, sir. +This is my daughter Amanda, sir. I--I--I'm proud to make your +acquaintance." + +"It is a pleasure to meet you, sir," said Jack, pleasantly, removing his +hat and bowing to the young woman. "You are Mr.--" + +"Dobbins, sir," returned the old man, effusively. "Joshua Dobbins. I +thought I was going some on the money question, with seven gold mines in +Nevada, but I must take off my hat to you, sir. Any man who has the +nerve to buy New York--heavens!" + +The old fellow took off his hat and mopped his brow, which had begun to +perspire freely. + +"Oh, I don't take any credit to myself for that," said Jack, modestly. +"When a boy has a great-grandfather who dies and leaves forty million +dollars to him in trust for fifty years before he was born, and that +money accumulates until the unborn beneficiary is twenty-one years old, +it means a rather tidy stockingful, I admit, but it isn't as if I'd made +the money myself." + +"Fuf-forty million accumulating interest for seventy-one years!" gasped +Dobbins. + +"Compound," said Jack, smiling sweetly at the girl at his side. "That's +the deuce of it. I--I've got to do something to keep the income +invested, and New York real estate, being the most expensive thing in +sight, I've gone in for that as being the easiest way out." + +"I--I suppose you are living here now?" asked Mr. Dobbins. + +"No," said Jack. "Personally I don't care particularly for New York. I +am just in town for a few days, stopping at the Waldorf." + +"Why, so are we," interrupted the girl. + +"Then," said Jack, gallantly, "the Waldorf possesses even greater +attractions than I had supposed." + +The girl blushed a rosy red, and the old gentleman fairly beamed. + +"Glad to have you take dinner with us, Mr. Vanderpoel," he said. + +"Thank you," said Jack. "I shall be charmed to do so if I can. I sort of +half promised Mr. Bondifeller to take a snack with him this evening, +but"--this with a killing glance at the blushing Miss Dobbins "but I +guess he can wait. To tell you the truth, Mr. Dobbins, these New York +millionaires bore me to death. At what time shall we foregather?" + +"Suppose we say seven?" said the old gentleman. + +"My lucky number," said Jack, with a gracious smile, which set the heart +of Miss Dobbins all of a-flutter. + +So passed the hours away. Jack found himself growing momentarily more +deeply impressed with the beauty of the maiden at his side, and by the +time the young people had reached the hotel it had become a pronounced +case of pure and ardent love. As they entered the Waldorf one of the +employees of the hotel rushed excitedly up to the young billionaire, +breathless with the importance of a communication intrusted to him. + +"Mr. Rockernegie is on the wire--wants to speak to you immediately, +sir," he panted. + +"Tell him I'm busy," said Jack, entering the tea-room and ordering a +slight repast for Miss Dobbins and her father. A moment later the +messenger returned, more breathless than before. + +"Sorry, sir," said the boy, "but Mr. Rockernegie says he must see you +right away, sir." + +Jack frowned as though deeply annoyed, and his answer came with an +incisive coldness that froze Mr. Dobbins almost to the marrow. + +"Go back to that 'phone and tell the gentleman that it will take the +biggest search-light in the amalgamated navies of the world to enable +him to get even a bird's-eye view of me until I get good and ready," he +said. "Er--tell him he can come to my office at ten-thirty to-morrow +morning if he wants to, only he mustn't be late. Just impress that on +his mind." + +Mr. Dobbins choked and coughed apoplectically. + +"Don't let us interfere with any of your engagements, Mr. Vanderpoel," +he sputtered. + +"That's all right, Mr. Dobbins," said Jack. + +"I wish you'd invest seven or eight million for me," said Dobbins, with +a sheepish glance at Jack. "I know it isn't much, but--" + +"Risky business, speculating, Mr. Dobbins," said Jack, bravely, although +the suggestion had nearly knocked him off his chair. "Better hang on to +your pennies, now that you've got 'em." + +"Oh, I've got eight or ten more where they came from," chuckled the old +man. + +"Then, sir," said Jack, as calmly as he knew how, "the best investment +for you is in Miss Amanda Dobbins Preferred, a stock of priceless +value." + +"I don't think I quite understand," said the old man, scratching his +head in perplexity. + +"Settle five million on your daughter," explained Jack. "When you've got +her fixed comfortably in life, go in and do as you please with the rest +of your fortune. Play the game as hard as you like, and, win or lose, no +harm can come to her--and _if_ you lose, why, she'll be able to take +care of you." + +"I've already given her four million, haven't I, Amandy?" said the old +gentleman, proudly. + +"Yes, Popper," said the girl, and Jack's heart began to play the +anvil chorus on the xylophone of his ribs. What a chance! + +"How about it, Mr. Vanderpoel," persisted the old man; "can you put me +wise?" + +"Oh, well," said Jack, "if you really insist I'll let you into a little +blind pool I'm in, but not for very much--say a couple of millions. Only +I won't take a penny of your money if you are like all the rest of these +people here who want to be shown how things are every five minutes of +the day. I'll take your two million and you can call it a loan, if you +want to. Your receipt will be my demand note for the full amount. You +see I know what I'm about, and I'm careful." + +[Illustration: "COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED +MR. DOBBINS] + +"Couldn't make it three million, could you?" suggested Mr. Dobbins, with +a pleading note in his voice which Jack found difficult to resist. "I +happen to have that amount idle--" + +"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do," said Jack, patronizingly. "I was +going to pull this thing off myself because it is one of the few +dead-sure things left in this world, but first the Midas people butted +in, then Bondifeller wanted a slice, and Rockernegie wore out his +library carpet running to the 'phone to ring me up about it, until I +told Central I'd have the company indicted as a nuisance if they let the +old man have my number again. None the less, for merely diplomatic +reasons, I'm going to let 'em all in for a small share. Just enough to +keep them satisfied with themselves. Exactly what the basis will be I +haven't yet decided, but if you are willing to take your chances with +them--well, you may hand me six certified checks for five hundred +thousand dollars apiece, so that I can spread the whole amount around in +my various bank and trust company accounts." + + * * * * * + +"Now what, Puss?" asked Jack the next afternoon, as he and his feline +friend held a consultation in the apartment. "I've got three million to +my credit in six banks. What's the next step--Algiers or Venezuela?" + +"Why," said puss, "it seems to me that a man with three million in hand +can afford to stay in New York over Christmas, anyhow." + +"Yes, I know," said Jack. "But the old man--he's got to have some profit +some time or other, hasn't he?" + +Puss sighed deeply. "It is very evident, my dear Jack," said he, "that +you are no financier. Settle a million on yourself and use the remainder +to pay dividends to Mr. Dobbins. He'd probably think twenty-five per +cent. on his investment was a pretty fair return, and if at the end of +the first year you give him back seven hundred and fifty thousand +dollars he'll be satisfied. Then if you hand him over a full million the +second year--well--" + +"Well what?" gasped Jack. + +"He'll put five million more into the pool on your mere intimation that +you are willing to help him out to that extent," said puss, "which will +keep you going several years longer." + +Jack breathed heavily at the prospect of such affluence, but he could +not escape the uncomfortable feeling that there would be an inevitable +day of reckoning ahead of him. + +"And when that is gone?" he asked. + +Puss gazed at him scornfully this time. + +"My, but you are stupid!" he ejaculated. "I really want to help you, +Jack, but I can't do everything, you know. You've got to handle some of +this business yourself. But let me ask you one question: Did you ever +hear of a millionaire putting the father of his grandchildren in jail +because he had lost money in a blind speculation?" + +"No, I never did," said Jack; "but you see, Puss, I am not the father of +Dobbins' grandchildren." + +"No," said puss, "but why in thunder should you not be?" + +"By Jove!" cried Jack, joyously. "Do you think she'll have me?" + +"Will a duck quack?" asked the cat. + + * * * * * + +(Extract from the last will and testament of Joshua Dobbins): + + "... and I do hereby appoint my said son-in-law, Horace + Vanderpoel, husband of my beloved daughter Amanda, sole + trustee of my estate, without bond, said estate to be + administered by him for the benefit of my said daughter + Amanda and her children, according to his own discretion; + for which service, in lieu of executor's or trust fees, I do + hereby give, bequeath, and devise to his use forever the sum + of five million dollars, together with such additional sums + as I have from time to time during the past four years + invested under his advice and direction in the several + properties in his control, both principal and interest + accrued up to the date of my decease." + +"Dear old dad!" said Jack, when the will had been read. "Your father was +a fine man, Amanda dear, and a very successful man as well." + +"Yes, Horace," said his weeping wife, "but he always insisted that he +owed much to your splendid business management; so, after all, you have +only come into your own, dear." + +"Ah, well," said Jack, as he opened a fresh bottle of cream and placed +it before his pet Angora, "money isn't everything, sweetheart, and I +should have been satisfied if he had left me nothing but you." + +And the Angora cat wiped off the back of his ear with his left paw and +twirled his mustachios upward with a wave of his right, as he purred +amiably over the cream. + + + + +IV + +THE GOLDEN FLEECE + + +There was once a miller who was very poor, but he had a beautiful +daughter. There were a great many people who said that if he had not had +so beautiful a daughter he would not have been so poor, and it may be +that these were right, for beautiful daughters are not infrequently a +source of considerable expense to their parents, and I fear me that +Gasmerilda was no exception to this rule. + +She had a great passion for rare furs and for opera and lingerie cloaks, +and the thousand and one other dainty things that appeal to the heart +of beautiful young maidenhood, and it seemed to make no difference how +many millions of bushels of corn passed through her father's mill day +after day, the returns from the grinding wheels were always thirty or +forty dollars a month lower than the total aggregate of Gasmerilda's +bills from milliners, furriers, jewelers, and others too numerous to +mention. + +Of course, this thing could not go on indefinitely. There comes a time +when even the blindest of creditors will insist upon the liquidation of +a miller's account, and the poor man found himself getting deeper and +deeper into debt as the months passed along, and was now at last at his +wits' ends to devise new excuses for the non-payment of Gasmerilda's +indebtedness. Indeed, he had now come to a point where there was but one +refuge from the ultimate of financial disaster that should force him +into a public declaration of his bankruptcy, and that was to be seen +associating in public places with well-known malefactors of great +wealth. + +What awful agony of mind this cost him--for he was an honest miller, as +had always been evidenced by his willingness to promise to pay his debts +even when he knew he could not--the world will never know, but he +swallowed his pride, and for a time gained immunity from the pressure of +his creditors with their threatened judgments by being seen walking down +Fifth Avenue in the morning alongside of Colonel John W. Midas, the +president of the Pactolean Trust Company, a savings institution formed +primarily for the purpose of lending its depositors' money to members of +its own board of directors, taking their checks dated two months ahead +and indorsed by their office-boys and stenographers for security. + +It is true that anybody who was ever seen speaking to Colonel Midas in +public was, by orders of the district attorney, immediately snap-shotted +by the Secret Service Camera Squad attached to that gentleman's office, +and the resulting negatives filed away for future reference in case +Justice should ever, by some odd chance, peep over the top of her +bandage for a moment and fix her eagle eye upon the Colonel's doings; +but, on the other hand, there were countless thousands of worthy people, +and among them were the miller's creditors, who believed that +association with such a person as Colonel Midas was pretty good evidence +either of a man's solvency or of his immunity to the lash of the law. +Consequently, when for five successive mornings the furriers, the +jewelers, the milliners, and others, to whom the unfortunate miller owed +vast unpayable sums of money for sundries purchased from time to time by +the beautiful Gasmerilda, saw their debtor walking down-town alongside +of the great Pactolean magnate, they called off their collectors and +attorneys, and sent the beautiful girl extra notifications through the +mails of their new fall and winter importations; to which, in due course +of time, the lovely maid responded, to the consequent swelling of the +already over-large accounts due. If these persons had only known that +these walks upon the avenue were silent walks, and that from the Plaza +down to Madison Square Colonel Midas, though accompanied by the miller, +was utterly unaware of the latter's presence, being too deeply absorbed +in certain operations of great magnitude upon the Street to notice +anything that was going on around him, they would doubtless have acted +differently; but they did not know this, and it soon passed about among +the tradesmen that the miller was the friend of Midas, and thereby was +his credit greatly expanded. + +On the morning of the sixth day's promenade, however, Colonel Midas, +having solved the particular problem upon which his mind had been set +for the past week or ten days, became more observant, and, after the +miller had walked at his side for several blocks, he remarked the fact, +and with emotions that were not altogether pleasant. Wherefore, he +quickened his footsteps in order that he might leave the intruder +behind, but the miller quickened his also and remained alongside. +Colonel Midas stopped short in his walk before an art-shop window, and +gazed in at the paintings therein displayed. + +The miller likewise, his head cocked knowingly to one side like that of +a connoisseur, paused and gazed in at the marvels of the brush. The +Colonel, with a sudden jerky turn, leaped from the window to the +gutter-curb and boarded a moving omnibus with surprising agility for a +man of his years. But he was not too quick for his pursuer, for the +miller, though scarcely able to afford the expense, immediately sprang +aboard the same vehicle and took the seat beside him. Then for the first +time the Colonel addressed him, and, there being no ladies upon the +omnibus at that early hour, in terms rather more forcible than polite. + +[Illustration: "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"] + +"What do you think you are doing?" he demanded, frowning upon his +pursuer. + +"Riding in a 'bus," replied the miller, with a pleasant smile. + +"Are you trying to shadow me?" roared the Colonel. + +"I'd make a mighty poor eclipse for you, Colonel Midas," said the +miller, suavely, "but to tell you the truth," he added, a sudden idea +having flashed across his mind, which in the absence of anything else to +say in explanation of his conduct seemed as good as any other excuse he +could invent, "there _is_ a little matter I'd like to bring to your +attention." + +"Bombs?" asked the Colonel, moving away apprehensively, noticing that +the miller had put his hand into his pocket, and fearing that he had, +perhaps, encountered a crank who designed to do him harm. + +"No, indeed," laughed the miller. "Not in such close quarters as this. +When I throw a bomb at anybody I shall take care to provide a safety net +for myself." + +"Ha!" ejaculated the Colonel, with a deep sigh of relief. "Book-agent?" + +"Nothing in it," said the miller. "Work too heavy for the profits. No, +sir, I am neither a book-agent nor an anarchist. I am nothing but a poor +miller with an ingrowing income, but I have a beautiful daughter who--" + +"Oh yes," interrupted Midas, with a nod. "I remember now. I've heard of +you. You preferred to remain independent instead of selling out to the +Trust. You tried to discount some of your notes at the Pactolean Trust +Company, of which I am president, the other day." + +"Yes," said the miller, "and you refused them." + +"Naturally," laughed Midas. "A beautiful daughter, Mr. Miller, is a +lovely possession, but she's mighty poor security for a loan. About the +worst in the market. Especially yours. I've seen Miss Miller at the +opera several times and have wondered how you managed it. It would cost +more than the face value of your notes to support the security for one +week in the style to which she is accustomed." + +"That's true enough," said the miller, "and nobody knows it better than +I do. Nevertheless, you made a mistake. You have possibly never heard of +her wonderful gift." + +"No," said the magnate. "I was not aware that the young lady had any +other gifts than beauty and a father with a little credit left." + +"Well, be that as it may," retorted the miller, "she has one great gift. +She can spin straw into gold." + +"What?" cried Midas, becoming interested at once. + +"Yes, sir," the miller went on. "She has marvellous powers in that +direction. If she hadn't I'd have been up a tree long ago." + +"I had heard of her father's ability to turn hot air into Russian sables +and diamond necklaces, but this straw business is something new," said +Midas. + +"I thought you would so regard it," said the miller, confidently, "and +that is why I have been trying to get a word with you for the past week. +You are the only man I know in the financial world who is known to have +the enterprise and the courage to go into a little gamble that other +people would laugh at. You have that prime quality of success, Colonel +Midas, that is known to mankind as nerve. You are always willing to sit +in any kind of a game that shows a glimmer of profit in the perspective, +and that is why I bring this matter to you instead of to my friend +Rockernegie, a man utterly without imagination and blind to many a sure +thing because he can't understand it." + +The Colonel, who was not unsusceptible to flattery, was visibly +impressed by this tribute. He scratched his head thoughtfully for a +moment. + +"See here, Mr. Miller," he said, after a brief communion with himself, +"if this story is true, why are you trying to discount your notes at the +Pactolean Trust Company? Why don't you get a bale of straw and have your +daughter turn it over a few times?" + +"I will be perfectly frank with you, Colonel," said the miller. "It is a +humiliating confession to make, sir, but I'm everlastingly busted. Just +plain down and out and I couldn't buy a lemonade straw if they were +going at a cent a ton, much less a bale." + +The Colonel looked at him sympathetically, and then, giving his knee a +resounding whack, he cried: "By Jove, Miller, I'll back you! I rather +like your nerve, and, as you have so charmingly put it, I _am_ the sort +of man to take a long shot. Yes, sir, and I wouldn't have had seven +cents to my name to-day if I hadn't been. Come with me to the Pactolean +Trust Company and we'll discount your demand note, suitably indorsed, +right off, with the understanding, however, that your daughter gives us +an immediate demonstration of her powers. We'll furnish the straw." + +The miller's heart leaped with joy, but he deemed it well not to show +himself over-anxious lest he lose the whole advantage. + +"It is very good of you, Colonel," he observed quietly, "but I don't +know a soul in this bright, beautiful world who would indorse my note +for any sum, large or small." + +"Oh, that will be all right," laughed the Colonel. "We've got a rubber +stamp in the office for just such emergencies." + +So the miller and his new-found friend went to the offices of the +Pactolean Trust Company, where, in a short while, he found relief from +his pressing woes by the exchange of his demand note for five thousand +dollars, indorsed most appropriately by a man of straw, for four crisp +one-thousand-dollar treasury notes and the balance, less six months' +interest, in yellow-backs of a denomination of fifty dollars each. + +"Tell your daughter to come down here to-morrow morning," said the +Colonel, as the miller pocketed the money. "I'll summon the board of +directors and she can give us a demonstration of her gift in the private +office. We'll have a couple of bales of straw all ready for her." + +"You will have to excuse me, Colonel," said the miller, with that +calmness which a man is likely to show when he has five thousand dollars +in good money in his purse, "but that will be impossible. Gasmerilda has +always refused to exercise her gift in the presence of anybody else, and +I am quite sure she will make no exception in this case. Even as a child +she would not let either her mother or myself see how she did it." + +"But she must," said the Colonel, firmly, "or I shall be under the +painful necessity of calling that note at once." + +[Illustration: "THERE'S THE MONEY, SIR"] + +"But she can't," returned the miller. "You see, sir, it is one of the +peculiarities of the gift that she must be alone while at work. It +requires such intense concentration of effort. If you insist upon her +presence here, why--well, as you intimate, the deal is off between us +and I shall have to take it to Rockernegie. There's the money, sir." + +With a supreme effort of will the miller tossed the roll of bills back +upon the table. It was, of course, an act of sheer bravado, but he +carried it off so well that it worked. + +"Oh, very well," said the Colonel, gruffly, a shade of disappointment +crossing his face. "If she can't, she can't, I suppose. It's worth a +try, anyhow. We'll send a bale of straw up to your residence this +afternoon, and if by to-morrow morning she has managed to turn it into +gold, all well and good. If not--well, we call the note, that's all." + +"Can't you make it a week?" pleaded the miller. "She may have some other +engagement on for to-night, and--er--well, a week will give her time +to turn around." + +"Make it five days," said the Colonel. "To-day is Wednesday. Let her +make the delivery on Monday morning." + +"Done!" said the miller, overjoyed, and he went out. + +He had not the slightest notion in the world how his beautiful daughter +would be able to fulfil the agreement--indeed, he was fairly certain in +his mind that she would be able to do nothing of the sort, but he had +the use of five thousand dollars at a critical moment in his career and +he knew that if worst came to worst he could shave off his mustache, +and, thus disguised, take passage for Europe in the steerage of some one +of the many Saturday steamers. + +Now, on his return home that evening, the miller was very much +embarrassed by a searching inquiry from his beautiful daughter. It seems +that when she had tried to telephone to one of her friends that +afternoon she had been informed by Central that the service had been +discontinued for non-payment of the bill for December, 1906. + +"Have we come to such a pass as that, father?" she demanded, her lovely +voice quivering with emotion. + +"It looks like it," said the miller, with an uneasy laugh. "I have been +kept so busy paying for your daily supply of fresh sables that I haven't +had a moment for the gas bills or for your conversational accounts. With +you to look after, my dear, I find that even talk is not cheap." + +The beautiful girl wiped the tears from her eyes with her point-lace +handkerchief. + +"But," she cried, "what are we going to do? I must have eleven hundred +and seventy dollars and fifty-five cents to-morrow morning, father, or I +shall be ruined." + +The miller's heart sank within him and his face grew ashen. + +"Eleven hundred and seventy dollars and fuf-fifty--fuf--five cents?" he +stammered. "In Heaven's name what for, Gasmerilda--hairpins?" + +"No, father," she trembled. "I have issued three or four pounds of +deferred bridge certificates, and they fall due to-morrow. You certainly +do not wish me to lose my social position--about the only thing I have +left?" + +The unhappy man gazed long and anxiously at the pale face before him, +and then his heart softened, as it always had done. + +"All right, my child," he sighed, as he tossed the exact amount to her +across the table. Then his face grew stern. + +"Gasmerilda," he said, "your extravagance having brought us to this, I +may as well inform you now as at any other time that it is up to you to +get us out of trouble, and I have to-day been forced to enter into +negotiations with the Pactolean Trust Company by which you are to be +capitalized. Hereafter, my child, you are to become a dividend-paying +investment instead of twin sister to a sinking fund." + +"What can you mean, father?" cried the girl, her face blanching with +fear. + +The miller thereupon recounted to her in full detail the incidents of +the morning, and revealed to her astounded mind the preposterous claims +he had made on her behalf. + +"But father," she protested, "I have no such gift." + +"You will excuse me for refusing to discuss the matter further with you, +Gasmerilda," he replied, coldly. "If it so happens that you have no such +gift you must devise some method of getting it. I have given my word, +and as a dutiful daughter you must make good." + +Turning to the butler, the miller asked: + +"James, has a bale of straw arrived here to-day from Colonel Midas?" + +"Yes, sir," said the butler. "It is down-stairs in the cellar, sir." + +"Good!" said the miller. "You will have it carried up to Miss +Miller's dressing-room at once." + +Rising from the table he kissed his unhappy daughter affectionately, +and, bidding her good-night, he went to the club, where he paid his +delinquent dues and house charges and set out once more upon a tolerably +care-free existence for five days at least. + +"A short life and a merry one!" he muttered to himself, as he paid in a +hundred dollars for a supply of red and blue chips. + +[Illustration: POOR GASMERILDA SAT WHITE-FACED] + +Meanwhile, poor Gasmerilda sat white-faced, and eyes wide with fear and +perplexity, staring at that horrible bale of straw that occupied the +middle of the floor of her dainty boudoir. She had no more idea of how +to spin it into gold than she had of making over her last year's gingham +bath-robe into this year's panne-velvet opera gown. Hourly her distress +grew, until finally the floodgates of her tears broke, and she burst +into a passionate convulsion of weeping. But, even as the tears began +to flow, there came a faint golden tinkle on the jeweled 'phone that +stood on her escritoire. At first she paid no attention to the +unexpected tintinnabulation, but the tinkling soon became more +pronounced and so persistent that she finally answered it. + +"Is that you, Gasmerilda?" came a quaint little voice over the wire. + +"Yes," she sobbed. "Who is this?" + +"There are tears in your voice, Gasmerilda," came the quaint little +voice. + +"They are all over the place," wept the unhappy girl. + +[Illustration: "I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER, GASMERILDA"] + +"And I know why," said the little voice, sympathetically. "I am your +fairy godmother, Gasmerilda, and I have not ceased to watch over you. +Your father has negotiated a loan on your remarkable gift of spinning +straw into gold, has he not?" + +"Yes," sobbed Gasmerilda, "and I have no such gift." + +"Well, don't worry, my child," said the little voice. "When you were +a baby you once offered a part of your school orange to a starving +kitten, and she has not forgotten it. I was that kitten and I have kept +my eye on you ever since, and now I am going to help you out. If you +will do exactly what I tell you to do all will be well." + +Gasmerilda, with a great sigh of relief, promised to be faithful to her +fairy godmother's instructions. + +"Oh, you dear!" she cried, impulsively. + +"Go to-morrow, the first thing in the morning," said the fairy +godmother, "to the United States Assay Office on Wall Street, taking +with you the money your father gave you this evening at dinner, and buy +a one-thousand-dollar bar of gold." + +"But, Fairy Godmother," Gasmerilda interrupted, "I--I must use that +money to pay off my bridge I. O. U.'s to-morrow." + +"I have arranged for all that," laughed the fairy godmother. "Those +I. O. U.'s will never be presented. Transforming myself into a mouse, I +have entered the escritoires of the ladies holding your notes of hand, +and have eaten every single one of them." + +Gasmerilda's heart leaped with joy. + +"Oh, Fairy Godmother!" she cried. "Can't you get rid of father's note in +the same way?" + +"No, my dear," sighed the little voice. "That note, unfortunately, is +stored away in a steel vault, and my teeth are not strong enough to +nibble through that. I have a more business-like method to get you both +out of your troubles. After you have purchased the bar of gold, take it +home with you and devise some convenient means of getting rid of the +straw without anybody seeing you do it. The best way to do this will be +to carry an armful of it at a time up on to the roof of your house and +let it blow away; and then, when next Monday comes, and your father is +required to deliver the first consignment of the precious metal to +Colonel Midas, go with him to the Colonel's office, yourself, taking +the gold bar with you, and see that it is really delivered. Wear your +most bewitching hat, and don't fail to remember what a woman's eyes were +given her for." + +"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" cried Gasmerilda, a great wave of +happiness sweeping over her. "If I could get at you, dear Fairy +Godmother, over the 'phone, I should hug you to death." + +"That is all right, child. My reward will come later," replied the fairy +godmother. "When your profits begin to come in you may pay me a +commission of ten per cent. on all you get." + +"Gladly. I'll make it fifteen per cent.," cried the grateful girl. "But +how shall you be paid?" + +"By check, dear, drawn to the order of The Fairy's Aid Society of +America, of which I am the president," was the answer. "The address is +just Wall Street, New York. And now, sweet dreams, my beloved ward. The +sun of your troubles has set, and the dawn of prosperity is here." + +With a happy smile Gasmerilda wished her kindly friend good-night, and +retired to her couch and slept the sleep of a weary child. Bright and +early the next morning, with her little gold-chain purse containing the +necessary funds dangling from her chatelaine, she appeared at the assay +office, and purchased there a shining bar of the lustrous metal, +returning to her home in time for luncheon. + +"Well, daughter," said the miller, as he met her in the hallway, "how +does the good work proceed?" + +"Very well, indeed, father," she said, with a cheery smile. "I'm a +little out of practise, but I managed to spin about ninety-eight +dollars' worth last night before going to bed." + +The miller blinked amazedly at his daughter. This answer was indeed the +most extraordinary substitute for the floods of tears he had expected to +greet his question. + +"You--you--you dud--don't--m--m--mean to sus--say--" he stammered. + +"Father, dear, did you ever try to cut calves-foot jelly with a steel +knife?" she asked. + +"Yes, child, yes--but what of that?" he demanded, completely nonplussed. + +"Well, dear," she answered, kissing him on the tip end of his nose, +"that is hard labor compared to spinning gold out of straw." + +She ran from him, laughing merrily as she hurried up the stairs to her +room, while he, staggering back against the newel-post of the staircase, +leaned on it, breathing heavily. + +"If that's the case," he said, as with trembling hands he took a set of +false whiskers and a steerage ticket for Naples from his pocket, "I +shall not need these." + +Nevertheless, prudence bade him wait until he had seen the gold before +destroying the paraphernalia of his possible flight, and oh, the joy of +that Saturday morning, when Gasmerilda, having, by an almost +super-human effort, having rid herself of the straw as her fairy +godmother had bade her to do, led her trembling father into her boudoir +and showed him the glittering bar! + +"Are you sure it's real?" he quavered. + +"I have had it stamped at the assay office, father," she replied. "See!" + +And she showed him the stamps of the authorized government test. + +"My child!" he cried, dancing about the room in a delirium of joy. "My +beloved, my beautiful daughter--was ever miller so blessed as I! Wait!" + +Rushing madly to the jeweled 'phone, he rang up Colonel Midas. + +"Excuse me for bothering you, Colonel," he said, excitedly, "but this is +Miller. I thought you would be interested to know that my daughter has +turned the trick a little sooner than I expected. If you want to see the +gold to-day instead of waiting until Monday, all you've got to do is to +say so." + +The wire fairly sizzled with the reply. Of course, Colonel Midas +would not wait. In fact, he'd be right up. How much did the miller think +the gold would pan out? + +"Oh, about a thousand dollars," replied the miller. + +"What?" roared Midas. "A thousand dollars' worth of gold from a +seven-dollar bub--bale of straw?" + +"That's the assay office estimate," said the miller, with a smile. "You +can't very well go behind that." + +The answer was a long, low whistle, and within twenty minutes the great +financier's car came chugging up to the door, and he entered the house, +bringing with him a chemist. + +[Illustration: "THIS IS THE GREATEST CINCH IN THE HISTORY OF FINANCE"] + +"By Jingo! Miller," he cried, after the chemist had applied every known +test to the bar and declared it to be, beyond all question, the real +stuff, "by Jingo, old man, our fortune is made. This is the greatest +cinch in the history of finance." + +"Looks that way," said the miller, calmly, leaning forward and tossing +the steerage ticket into the waste-basket. + +"We--er--we must keep it in the family, Miller," the Colonel added, +slapping the proud father familiarly on the knee--for Gasmerilda had +remembered the fairy godmother's injunction as to the use of her eyes. + +"I intend to, Colonel," said the miller, dryly. "I'll keep it in _my_ +family if you don't mind--" + +Midas gasped, and then he laughed sheepishly. + +"To think that I, a hardened old bachelor, should be a victim to love at +first sight!" he said. + +"Very funny indeed," laughed the miller. + +"What would you say to me as a son-in-law, eh?" Midas went on. "You know +I'm a decent chap, old man. No funny business about my private +life--it's a good chance to get your daughter settled in life, and--" + +"Well, I don't know," said the miller, coolly. "You are generally +considered to be a fairly eligible sort of person, Midas, but my +daughter can afford to marry for love as long as the straw crop holds +good." + +A glitter came into Midas's eye. + +"What if I were to corner the market?" he demanded. + +"That would be bad for Gasmerilda and me," the miller agreed. "Mind you, +I haven't said I disapproved of the match, but let's be perfectly frank +with each other. I'm not going to sell my daughter to you or to anybody +else, but you know how things run these days. A man's a millionaire +to-day and a member of the down-and-out club to-morrow. Now, I don't +know the first blessed thing about your prospects. You are rich now, but +who knows that before 1915 you won't be in a federal jail somewhere +without a nickel?" + +"I see your point," said Midas, "and I'll settle five million on her +to-morrow." + +"Real money?" he demanded. + +"Real money," said Midas. + +"Done!" ejaculated the miller. + +And so the papers settling five million dollars in approved securities +upon the miller's daughter were executed, and three months later that +invincible old bachelor, John W. Midas, for whom countless widows had +set their caps in vain, was led to the altar by the blushing and happy +Gasmerilda. The groom's gift to the bride was a princely one, consisting +of ten million dollars' worth of the preferred stock of the newly +organized American Straw and Hay Trust, of which Colonel Midas was +president, a concern controlling all the leading straw industries of the +United States and some said of foreign lands as well. The papers called +it the most brilliant match of the season, but, none the less, the bride +had some misgivings. She knew, and somehow or other in the perspective +of the vista of wedded bliss ahead of her, no larger than a pin-head, +she seemed at times to see the first faint symptoms of a cloud which +might sooner or later obscure the whole heavens; aye, even that vast +stretch of blue that reached from the easternmost part of New York to +the westernmost boundaries of Reno, Nevada. Still, back of this was a +silver--nay, a golden--lining, for Gasmerilda was now the possessor in +her own right of five million dollars in real money, and with such a +possession in hand one can stand a good deal of domestic +misunderstanding. + +And even then there was the chance that the sporting instincts of +Colonel Midas would prove to be such that he would admire the genius +back of the transmutation that had originally won him--in addition to +which was the other fact that already, without a bale in sight, he had +sold the public over fifty millions' worth of the common stock in the +United States Straw and Hay Trust at 97-7/8. + +The first check out of Gasmerilda's new account was as follows: + + New York, January 17, 1911 + + No. 1 + + + Pay to the order of The Fairy's Aid Society of America + Seven hundred and fifty thousand Dollars + ($750,000.00) + + GASMERILDA MILLER MIDAS + +And she lived extravagantly forever afterward. + + + + +V + +THE INVISIBLE CLOAK + + +"I am very sorry, sorr," said the janitor as he turned off the heat and +disconnected the electric lights. "'Tain't me as is doin' ut--ut's the +owner of the buildin'. He says the rint ain't been paid for six mont's, +and while he ain't hard-hearted enough to turn nobody out on the sthreet +such weather as this, he don't see no use in dandlin' tinants what don't +pay in no lap o' luxury." + +Jack looked at the man in silence, completely stunned by this new +development in a situation already sufficiently distressing. + +"'Let him enjye all the pleasures of the roof, Mike,' says he," +continued the janitor, "'but no wooin' of his beauty sleep to the soft +music of the steam-radiator, nor 'lectric lights to cheer the dark +places of his sperrit whin twilight comes. Ut's the land of the Midnight +Sun for his till I see th' color of his bank account.'" + +"But I shall freeze if you turn off the heat," protested Jack. + +"That's the answer, I guess," returned the janitor. "Ut's a pretty cold +snap we do be havin'." + +Jack buried his face in his hands and groaned. Things had gone ill for +the unhappy lad for a long time now, and the sudden precipitation of +winter weather found him practically penniless. For one reason or +another no one seemed to care for his poetry, and his last story, from +the proceeds of which he had expected to make enough to tide him over +for a little while at least, had been returned by every editor in town. + +"Ut's mighty sorry for you, I am," said the kindly janitor, his heart +stirred by the pitiable picture of suffering before him. "I'd be afther +leavin' t'ings as they are if I dared, but the old man's orders--" + +"I know, I know," said Jack, wearily, "but it's awfully tough just the +same. I can get along without food, but without light and heat I don't +see how I can do my work." + +"I'll lend yez a candle, sorr," said the janitor. "That'll help some. Ye +can warm your hands over the flame of ut while you're doin' your +t'inkin', and ut'll give ye light enough to put down what ye t'ink in +between times." + +"Good old Mike!" said Jack, wringing the other by the hand warmly. "When +my ship comes in you shall have a good slice of the cargo for that." + +"Sure an' she ain't la'nched yet, is she?" asked the janitor, with a +grin, and then, as Jack seemed to have sunk into a dejected reverie, he +gathered up his tools and left the room. + +An hour passed before the miserable lad even so much as raised his head. + +"Jove! it's cold!" He shivered, as he gazed around him, the room bathed +in the gathering shadows of twilight. "And to think that it was only +last summer that I was complaining because this place was so infernally +hot!" + +His teeth chattered as he spoke, and he suddenly bethought himself of +his fur-lined overcoat hanging in the closet, his very last possession, +and one he had worn persistently of late, not so much because the +temperature of the town required it as to maintain publicly an +appearance of prosperity. + +"I'll take one last wear out of you," he said, as he put it on, "and +to-morrow I'll put you in cold storage at the house of mine Uncle. He +already has my watch, my scarf-pin, and everything else that I have +that is negotiable--he might as well top his collection off with you." + +The thought that the useful old garment was still good enough to act as +a satisfactory bit of security for a temporary accommodation at the +neighboring pawnshop cheered him up somewhat, and he went out, seeking a +comfortable spot where with his last half-dollar he could assuage the +growing pangs of hunger. As he left the house he noticed that the snow +was beginning to fall, so he decided not to go very far afield for his +meal. A cheap restaurant half-way down the block, on the avenue, +attracted his eye, and he went in and ordered his dinner--twenty-five +cents' worth of roast beef and a cup of coffee for himself, and the +balance to tip the waiter. He ate slowly, though this was not his habit, +merely because the place was warm and bright, and as he lingered over +his coffee he wrote a sonnet on life on the back of the bill of fare. +Then, his account paid, he started back to his apartment. As he left +the cafe the wheezing notes of a minute hand-organ playing "The Good Old +Summer-time" fell upon his ear. It sounded very much like a +talking-machine in the last stages of bronchitis, and then, suddenly, in +the midst of a "B-flat" that sounded more like a sneeze than a note, a +heartrending picture of misery and desolation smote upon his vision. On +the corner, exposed to all the icy winds that blew up the avenue, and +over the cross-streets from the river, huddled up into a seeming mass of +rags, over which the falling snow was drifting, was the form of an aged +woman, turning the crank of a battered and broken organ with fitful +twists of her poor blue hands. + +"Holy smoke!" cried Jack, as his eye fell upon the old woman's bent +figure. "And I have been sympathizing with myself for the last four +hours!" + +In an instant he had whipped off his overcoat--the fur-lined coat that +had been his only hope for immediate financial relief--and had thrown +it across the poor old shoulders. + +"Excuse me, madam," he said, as the old woman stopped grinding the organ +to look gratefully up into his face. "If I had any money I'd give it to +you, but I'm dead broke myself, and I can't help you that way. But, by +thunder! I can't stand seeing you freeze!" + +"Oh, I cannot take your coat, sir," the old woman began. + +"Yes, you can," said Jack. "If you don't want it as an act of charity, +let me have a quarter to buy my breakfast to-morrow morning, and you can +have the coat for the time being. I'll rent it to you over-night for a +quarter. You can return it in the morning. I live right across the +street at the Redmere." + +The old woman muttered a scarcely audible word of thanks. + +"Heaven will reward you for this," she began. + +"That's all right," said Jack, cheerfully. "I'm not looking for +dividends of that particular kind. I'll consider it a good bargain if +you'll just rent this old horse-blanket for the night for twenty-five +cents. Then nobody will be under obligation to anybody else." + +The old woman smiled even as she shivered, and diving down into the +mysterious depths of her ragged garments produced a handful of pennies +which she handed to the unexpected philanthropist. + +"I will return the coat in the morning," she said. "Good-night!" + +And again the withered hand began to turn the crank, and the suffering +organ, as Jack sped across the way to the Redmere again, began to wheeze +as before, taking a turn this time at that popular melody, "There'll Be +a Hot Time in the Old Town To-night." + +"Poor old hag!" muttered Jack as, without removing his clothes, he +climbed into bed and covered himself in addition with the bath-rug. "I +may be ninety-seven different kinds of an ass, but here's to the Heart +of Folly! I couldn't let that old creature freeze to death under my very +window." + +And warmed by the thought of a kindly deed done he turned over and went +to sleep. + +So weary was the poor lad after the troublesome experiences of a day so +full of worry that he slept heavily and far into the next morning. +Indeed, it required all the elbow power of Mike, the janitor, hammering +with his great fist upon the door, to awaken him. + +"Hello, there! What the dickens do you want?" cried Jack, sleepily, +aroused at last from his slumbers by a thunderous kick upon the door +from the janitorial foot. + +"Ut's me, sorr," replied Mike. + +"Oh, it's you, is it?" said Jack, opening the door. "What's the trouble +now? Orders from the landlord to stop my sleeping?" + +"No, sorr," replied the janitor. "Sure an' I'm just afther bringin' yez +a package lift at the door." + +"Confound you, Mike!" growled Jack, with a glance at the clock. "Nobody +can economize with a noise trust like you around. If you had only let me +sleep an hour longer I could have saved the price of a breakfast!" + +"Well, the lady that lift this bundle tould me to give ut yez without +anny delay," returned Mike. "And whin annybody gives me a dollar to get +a move on I get ut." + +"A lady gave you a dollar to hand this bundle to me?" demanded Jack, +incredulously. + +"She did that," said Mike. "She come drivin' up in her limybean +motor-car, and give me the package, and tould me not to let anny weeds +grow under me slippers." + +Jack rubbed his eyes in astonishment, and gazed wonderingly at the +brown-paper package. What could it be? Certainly not his fur coat. A +limousine car and the lady of the wheezy hand-organ did not seem to go +together. In an instant, consumed with curiosity, he tore off the +brown-paper covering, and found within a white pasteboard box, oblong in +shape, and tied up with blue ribbon. Attached to the middle was a note, +which, on being opened, revealed the following message to Jack's staring +eyes: + + THE UNITED STATES FAIRY COMPANY + 8976 WALL STREET + NEW YORK, _December 12, 1910_. + + DEAR JACK,--I return your cloak herewith with many thanks + for your kindness to + + Yours gratefully, + TITANIA J. GODMOTHER, + President The United States Fairy Co. + +"Well, I'll be blowed!" ejaculated the lad as he read. "The old lady a +fairy? I don't know about this--it has a phony look to me!" + +As he spoke he cut the blue ribbon with his penknife and opened the box. +The mystery, instead of being solved, now became all the deeper, for as +far as Jack's eye was able to see the box was empty. + +The janitor grinned unsympathetically. + +"Quare toime for an April-fool joke!" he said, as he left the room. + +For a few moments Jack was as silent as the Sphinx, and then, with a +sudden surge of wrath that any one should play such a trick upon him, he +gave the box a kick that sent it flying across the room. It landed on a +chair, the cover fell off, and then, mystery of mysteries, +three-quarters of the chair disappeared wholly from sight. Again Jack +rubbed his eyes in amazement, and slowly, like a trapper passing along a +forest trail, he crept over to where the chair stood and put out his +hand to feel for its missing parts. In a moment he was reassured as to +their existence, for he could feel the outlines of the missing sections, +but something apparently lay across them. It was a soft, silky material, +tangible enough, but absolutely invisible. It felt like a cloak, and as +Jack passed his hands along its folds he found that it had sleeves, +buttons, buttonholes, and a hood at the back of its collar, not to +mention several capacious pockets within. + +"Huh!" he ejaculated. "It feels like an invisible ulster. I wonder--" + +An idea flashed across his mind, acting upon which he seized the cloak, +and rushed into his bedroom, where, standing before the mirror on his +bureau, he put it on, buttoning it all the way up to his neck. This +done, he glanced at himself in the glass. + +_Only his head, which had remained uncovered, was reflected there!_ + +"Well of all--" he began, astounded at the vision before him, or rather +the lack of it. Hastily he pulled the hood over his head, and +immediately, as far as the eye could see, he completely vanished. + +And then Jack knew what had happened. + +The fairy godmother had given him one of the choicest possessions of her +kingdom--the famous invisible cloak! + +Ten minutes later Jack found himself passing through the Subway gate at +Forty-second Street, entirely unobserved by anybody, and therefore +relieved of the necessity of paying his fare. The invisible cloak was +doing its duty nobly, but a moment later the lad had an example of its +dangers as well as of its virtues, for as he sat quietly by the door of +the car trying to collect his flustered thoughts, a very stout German +gentleman got aboard the train and sat down heavily upon him. He did not +stay, however, but on the contrary, with a startled cry of alarm, rose +up as quickly as he had sat down. + +[Illustration: "DERE ISS SOMEDINGS IN DOT SEADT, ALRETTY YET!"] + +"Dere iss somedings in dot seadt, alretty yet!" he cried to the guard, +excitedly. + +Jack slipped noiselessly out of the seat, and the guard, after feeling +around in it for a second or two, turned with scorn upon the astonished +Teuton, and in language of a slightly unparliamentary cast advised him +to change his diet. + +"You'll be seein' t'ings next!" he said. + +Jack shook with internal laughter as the amazed son of the Rhine sat +cautiously down again, his face showing a deal of relief to find that +his first spooky impression was not correct, all of which for the +remainder of the trip down-town he openly expressed with considerable +volubility. Finally he was interrupted by the raucous voice of the guard +crying: + +"Wall Street!" + +Now Jack had not consciously started out to go to Wall Street, but the +announcement of the train's arrival there gave him a thrill. + +"Wall Street, eh?" he muttered. "Ha! Hum! Methinks the financial +stringency is over if this little old coat holds out! I seem to detect +the odor of money." + +He mounted the steps to the street, and wandered aimlessly down the +great financial highway until he found himself standing before the +gorgeous facade of the famous Urban National Bank. Here he paused a +moment, and curiosity as much as anything else led him to enter its +portals, and there within lay spread before his famished financial eyes, +separated from his hands only by a slight bit of steel grillwork, +countless packages, huge of bulk, of bank-notes, in all denominations, +any one of which, once in his possession, would serve to put him at ease +for the remainder of the year. Monte Cristo himself had no such stores +of wealth within his reach in the treasure-caves of his wondrous island. +The teller behind the grill was counting the contents of his safe, and +as he bent over to foot up a column of figures Jack stopped in front of +the little window and said: + +"Good-morning!" + +He did this not so much for the fun of it as for a precautionary test of +his invisibility, for a great scheme had entered his mind. The teller +looked up, craned his neck in every direction, and peered around to see +who had addressed him. + +[Illustration: "THERE MUST BE SOMETHING THE MATTER WITH MY NERVES"] + +"There must be something the matter with my nerves this morning," he +said, scratching his head in bewilderment. "I was sure somebody spoke to +me." + +Jack had all he could do to keep from laughing outright, but safety bade +him restrain the impulse, and in a moment he had climbed over the steel +grillwork and entered the sacred precincts of Ready Money. Once within +the teller's cage his heart began to thump so violently that it seemed +impossible for him to escape detection, but so busy were all the bank +people with the duties of the day that no one seemed to hear. And then +our hero began. Within five minutes he had stowed away within the +capacious pockets of his invisible cloak as many of the packages of +bills, green-backed and yellow, as he could possibly carry there, and +then, slipping out through the little door at the rear of the cage, he +walked calmly out of the bank with them. Arrived on Broadway, he removed +his coat and, hanging it over his arm, took a taxicab back to the +Redmere. + +He could hardly wait until he reached his apartment to count up the +results of his morning's work, but his caution stood by him, and it was +not until he had locked his door and barricaded it with the bureau +rolled in front of it that he opened the various packages. There were +ten of them altogether, and Jack's eyes nearly popped out of his head +with wonder as he saw so much real money spread out before him. Three of +the packages held one thousand dollars each in twenty-dollar bills, four +of them held five hundred dollars each in five-dollar bills, and the +other three totalled fifteen hundred dollars in ones and +twos--sixty-five hundred dollars altogether. + +"Mike!" he cried, going to the dumbwaiter shaft, and calling down, +vociferously, "turn on the heat, and tell the boss to send a truck +around here for his rent." + +Hiding the money under the mattress of his bed, Jack removed the +invisible cloak and hung it in the closet, taking care to lock the door +thereof, and then he started to shave. His hand trembled too much for +this, however, and after he had snipped off two or three pieces of his +cheek he abandoned the effort, but his brief trial before the glass had +a distinct moral influence upon him, for as his eye caught its own +reflection in the mirror, and Jack came to look himself squarely in the +face for the first time since his removal of the money from the bank, he +found that he could not do it. His eye faltered and fell, and the +question flashed across his mind as to the honesty of his morning's +work. + +"Hum!" he muttered, sitting down suddenly on his bed and staring at a +hole in the carpet, "I hadn't thought of that before! What would my poor +but honest parents think about this?" + +He scratched the end of his nose thoughtfully. + +"It isn't any too straight, even in these days of frenzied finance," he +went on; "that is, it isn't unless I regard this thing as a loan! Of +course if it's a loan--yes, it must be. Otherwise I'm no better than any +other--" + +His brow cleared as the idea entered his mind. + +"I'll make it O. K. in a jiffy," he said. + +He went to his writing-desk, and wrote to the cashier of the Urban +National Bank as follows: + + NEW YORK, _December 12, 1910_. + _Cashier, the Urban National Bank,_ + _New York City:_ + + DEAR SIR,--I think it only proper to inform you that, + unknown to yourself or any other person in your bank, I have + this morning negotiated a loan with your institution for six + thousand five hundred dollars. I have a temporary need for + this accommodation, and in order that the transaction may + appear a trifle less informal, I beg to hand you herewith my + six-months note for the amount borrowed, together with one + hundred and ninety-five dollars in cash to cover discount + charges, reckoned on a six-per-cent. basis. Please + acknowledge receipt of the same in the Personal Column of + the New York _Morning Gazoo_. + + The charming ease and promptness with which this + transaction was put through have given me a more than + friendly feeling for your bank, and now that I have used one + package of your money I take pleasure in saying that I shall + not only recommend it to my friends, but shall hereafter use + no other. + + Cordially yours, + A FRIEND IN NEED. + +This written, Jack purchased a blank promissory note at a stationery +store on the corner and filled it in. + + $6,500. NEW YORK, _December 12, 1910_. + + Six months after date I promise to pay to the order of the + Urban National Bank Six thousand five hundred dollars at the + Urban National Bank, New York City. Value received. + + ME. + +Both these interesting documents he now inclosed in an envelope, with +one hundred and ninety-five dollars in bills, sending the whole by +special-delivery mail to the cashier of the bank. + +"There!" said Jack, when he had completed this righteous act. "I can +now look myself in the eye again." + + * * * * * + +From this time on Jack wore his invisible cloak nearly all the time. He +found it very convenient, especially when he wished to go to the +theatre, or to ride on any of our vehicles of public transportation. +Once he seriously contemplated a trip to Europe in it, but this was +postponed by a sudden important development which called for his +attention nearer home. While seated in the back of Colonel Midas's box +at the Metropolitan Opera House one night, listening to the dreamy +numbers of "La Boheme," utterly unobserved, of course, by any of the +other occupants of the box, thanks to his magic cloak, Jack overheard +Colonel Midas engaged in a strenuous conversation with one of his male +relatives, who had asked the eminent financier for some kind of a tip +that would make a rich man of him. + +"If you'll tell me whether the San Francisco, Omaha & Mott Haven is +going to buy the K., T. & W. or not, Colonel," the man had said, "I can +make a million or two." + +"Of course you could, Jim," said the Colonel, "but I can't tell you now +what will be done in that matter. I don't know myself whether we'll buy +K., T. & W. or build our own connecting line. We haven't decided. If we +do buy, the stock will go jumping up ten, twenty, thirty points at a +time. If we don't, the bottom will drop out of it. It's the turn of a +hand which way that cat will jump, but I'll do this for you: As soon as +I do know I'll give you twenty-four hours' start with the inside +information. We have a secret meeting to-morrow at my office to discuss +the matter, and when we come to a definite understanding I'll give you +the tip. What I can tell you now is that the new line into Buffalo is +going to run through Rocky Corners, and anybody who gets hold of old +Hiram Bumpus's farm up there under a hundred thousand will clear half a +million without getting out of bed." + +"Why don't you go in and buy it yourself?" demanded the other. + +"Because I'm not wasting my gray matter on piking little +half-million-dollar deals, that's why," retorted Midas, with a glance of +scorn at his guest. + +Bursting with this valuable information, Jack immediately left the Opera +House and dispatched a rush telegram to Hiram Bumpus at Rocky Corners +offering him fifty thousand dollars for his farm. + +The answer came back the next morning: + + Price of farm seventy-five thousand, cash. No checks taken. + + HIRAM BUMPUS. + +To which Jack immediately replied: "Price satisfactory. Will arrive +Thursday with money." + +This done, our hero proceeded to camp on the front doorstep of Colonel +Midas, and when that distinguished financier appeared to take his motor +down to his office Jack, still wearing his invisible cloak, climbed in +alongside of him, and hardly daring to breathe lest he should betray his +presence in the car, rode down to the offices of the Midas Trust Company +with the magnate himself. Here Midas descended from the car, and Jack, +close upon his heels, followed him into that holy of financial holies, +the private office. + +"Any word from Rockernegie?" asked the Colonel of his secretary, as he +seated himself at his desk, Jack meanwhile having perched himself on the +mantelpiece. + +"Here at ten," returned the secretary, laconically. They did not even +waste breath in that office. + +"Moneypenny?" + +"Wires, here ten-fifteen." + +"Asterbilt?" + +"Yachting. Mediterranean. Leaves all to you." + +"Good!" said Midas. "When they come show them in, and I'm out to +everybody else." + +And then it was that Jack had his first glimpse of really great men in +action. By ten-thirty all the magnates of finance, with the exception of +Mr. Asterbilt, were on hand, and the secret meeting of the rulers of the +San Francisco, Omaha & Mott Haven Transcontinental Railway System was +on. They came down to business without any preliminaries. + +"Is it buy or build?" asked Midas. + +"Buy," said Rockernegie. + +"Build," said Moneypenny. + +"All right--we buy," said Midas. + +"It's a hold-up," said Moneypenny. "K., T. & W. was built for no other +purpose." + +"Perfectly true," said Midas. "Therefore, instead of announcing that we +shall buy, thus sending the price up till it bumps against the Dipper, +let us announce that we have decided to build our own connecting line, +and when K., T. & W. lands down around 1-7/8 we can go in and scoop it." + +"Always right, Midas," said Rockernegie. + +"I'll change my vote and make it unanimous," said Moneypenny, whereupon +the Colonel passed the cigars and the meeting stood adjourned. It had +taken seven minutes to settle a question involving millions upon +millions of dollars, and for a moment Jack stood aghast, but for no +longer than a moment, for the time for him to get busy had arrived. He +was in possession of the most valuable secret on Wall Street, and it +behooved him to begin operations. Passing hastily out of the office, he +first paid a visit to the Urban National, where after an hour's hard +work he succeeded in getting $300,000 out of the vaults, leaving on the +cashier's desk, while he was out at lunch, as security for his loan, a +sufficient amount of gilt-edged collateral, also taken from the vaults +of the bank itself. + +"It's all right," Jack wrote in his memorandum to the cashier. "I have a +big transaction on hand which can't help win out, and I shall rejoice +your heart by liquidating all my loans with you before spring. After +all, my dear sir, all business must be done on confidence, and I assure +you you can have plenty in me. I know myself through and through, and +can testify to my absolute integrity. Meanwhile let me repeat that your +money is the best I have ever used, and is received everywhere with real +enthusiasm." + +That night before he retired, operating through a dozen brokers' offices +so as not to attract undue attention, Jack purchased five thousand +shares of K., T. & W. at 20, paying for them in cash. The next morning +on the announcement from Colonel Midas's office that the San Francisco, +Omaha & Mott Haven road had decided not to take over the property, +K., T. & W. fell off to 10, at which figure, after a hurried visit to +the bank, Jack acquired ten thousand more shares. At the end of the +week K., T. & W. had slumped to 3-1/8, whereat Jack pyramided by taking +over twenty thousand more, all paid for in cash, having meanwhile sent +his lawyer to Rocky Corners with seventy-five thousand dollars to close +his real-estate deal with Hiram Bumpus. + +In the brief period of ten days the unfortunate tenant of the freezing +apartment at the Redmere had become the owner of fifty thousand shares +of K., T. & W., as well as the proprietor of a thirty-thousand-acre farm +through which a new line of railway was sure to pass. + +So the campaign went on over the Christmas season. Jack, by following +close on the heels of Midas or Moneypenny, it mattered little which, +secured inside information as to every deal of magnitude on Wall Street +whole days, and even weeks, before anybody else knew about it; and +having the resources of the Urban National to draw upon at need, he was +never at a loss how to finance himself. January came, and just as it +seemed as if K., T. & W. was about to be wiped out of existence came the +report that the property had been acquired by the San Francisco, Omaha & +Mott Haven crowd, and that its stock had been put on an eight-per-cent. +guaranteed-dividend basis. The quotation immediately began to soar. +K., T. & W. began to jump like a kangaroo. First it leaped to 30, then +to 68. On the tenth of January it opened at 128-7/8, and closed at 150, +where it stuck. For a time Jack waited for a further rise, but it failed +to come, and in February he sold one hundred and twenty thousand shares, +which had cost him on an average of $7 a share, for $150 a share, +realizing a profit of $17,160,000. Reference to his books showed that he +had drawn on the Urban National for a trifle over $1,250,000, which sum +he now started to return in the same laborious fashion in which it had +been acquired. Every day for a period of ten days the lad would put on +his invisible cloak, and at the cashier's lunch-hour would walk into his +office and deposit a great bundle of currency on his desk. Once he found +that gentleman, and the president of the bank as well, awaiting him, but +it made no difference. Secure in the concealment of his marvellous +cloak, Jack stood in the doorway and tossed the package of bills into +the room, hitting the astonished president of the bank himself squarely +in the stomach with it. + +In this way complete restitution with interest was made, and on the +first of February Jack found himself clear of all obligations, with a +comfortable fortune of over $15,000,000 on his hands, which made any +further involuntary loans on the bank's part unnecessary; but what was +even better than this, the meteoric successes of the young millionaire +upon the Street brought him such renown that it was not long before the +powers began to take notice. + +"That young man," said Colonel Midas, after watching him for a little +while, "is the most singularly astute person I ever met. I don't wish to +be vulgar, but he has been the nigger in every woodpile I have tackled +for six months. He knows what I am going to do almost as quick as I do. +We'll have to take him in the firm." + +"He has a singularly keen premonition as to values," observed Mr. +Rockernegie. "I've half a mind to start a trust company and make him +president." + +As for Mr. Moneypenny, after a year's experience at finding Jack at the +bottom of pretty nearly every scheme he went into, he made the following +observation to his daughter, as he pointed Jack out to her at the +opera--in his own box now--one night. + +"That young man in the third box on the left, my dear, is young Mr. Jack +Hardluck. He's so keen that I don't even dare think what I'm going to do +for fear he'll find it out!" + +"If that's the case, papa," said Miss Moneypenny, blushing, "the best +thing to do is to take him into the family. Don't you think you'd +better--" + +The girl hung her head shyly. + +"Better what, my dear?" asked the old billionaire, kindly. + +"Give him to me for a Christmas present?" she answered. "I think I could +get to like him very, very much." + +And, indeed, that is how it came to be that in due course of time the +young financier became the son-in-law of one of the financial powers of +the world. + +As for the invisible cloak, Jack wears it now only to travel _incog._, +which for a multi-millionaire is sometimes convenient. + +Incidentally and in conclusion, let me add that Mike Brannigan, +once the janitor of the Redmere, is now the owner of that handsome +apartment-house, having received the title-deeds through the mails from +some anonymous benefactor. + +"Who the divvle sint it, I dinnaw!" he said. "Nor what for he done it, +nayther. I ain't never done nothin' to injure nobody!" + + + + +VI + +THE RETURN OF ALADDIN + + +Night had fallen over the city, but the work in the little tailor shop on +the Bowery still went on. The toiling widow of Mustafa, the incorporated +valet of the Bachelors' Aid Society, who had died the winter before, +leaving his family with nothing but a few debts and his ironing-board, +was wearily struggling with the last batch of undarned socks received +that morning from the association. She sighed deeply as she labored, for +her fingers were sore with many stitches. + +"Heigho!" she murmured, sadly. "Why don't these bachelors get married +and have this sort of thing done at home, I wonder? This is the +ten-thousandth sock I have darned since Christmas, and as for the +suspender buttons, the good Lord only knows how many of those I have +sewed on. There ought to be a law compelling men to marry on penalty of +having to do their own mending." + +Poor woman! In the weariness of her spirit she little dreamed that she +was growing petulant with her bread and butter. Suddenly she heard the +door of the little shop without open, and her son Aladdin entered, a +great, buoyant lad of twenty, cheerful of spirit and a good deal of a +giant physically. + +"Well, Worthless," she said, with an affectionate glance into his fine +eyes, "where have you been all day?" + +"Looking for work, mother, as usual," said the young man, throwing a +small package on the table. "And you?" + +"The same old drudgery, dear," she replied, with a sigh. "Did you have +any luck?" + +"No, mother dear, not a bit," replied Aladdin. + +"Do you mean to tell me that in all this great city there is no work of +any kind that a hale, hearty, hungry boy like you can get to do?" she +demanded. + +"Plenty of it, mother," replied the boy; "plenty of it, but nothing in +my special line. Lots of snow-shovelling jobs and a position as guard on +the Subway were offered me, but I cannot demean myself by taking +anything of that sort, Mummsy dear. Father in the last days of his life +spent too many hours teaching me how to raise mushrooms under glass for +me to dishonor his memory by undertaking labor that is beneath that in +artistic quality, and just at present I cannot find anybody in all this +city who wants a helper in mushroom culture." + +"Then we shall have to go supperless to bed," sighed the poor woman. +"Not a penny in the house and the pantry bare. Oh, Aladdin, Aladdin, why +will you not give up this false pride of yours and get some kind of a +job that will at least feed yourself and help me pay the rent?" + +The boy was silent. He had had this same argument with his mother time +and time and again, and he was quite aware of the futility of speech in +trying to overcome her objections to what she termed his incorrigible +idleness. + +"What have you in the package?" the woman asked, after a prolonged +silence. + +"I don't know," replied Aladdin. "I picked it up outside the stage-door +of the Helicon Theatre. I saw it lying in the snow and I brought it +along with me. It is probably some kind of a make-up box belonging to +one of the performers. If there is any reward offered in any of the +morning papers for its return, maybe I shall earn a few honest pennies +by taking it back to its owner." + +His mother busied herself with the string, and in a moment it came +untied and a small brass lamp rolled out of the brown-paper covering. It +was very dirty and much battered. + +[Illustration: "HUMPH!" SAID SHE, SCORNFULLY] + +"Humph!" said she, scornfully, gazing at the homely little object. "I +don't think anybody will be foolish enough to offer a reward for a +trumpery little thing like that." + +"Ah, well," said Aladdin, gazing out of the shop window at the scurrying +crowds on the sidewalk, "it might be worse, Mummsy dear. We at least +have a roof over our heads this night, which is more than some of those +poor wretches have, and unless I am very much mistaken this storm that +is upon us is going to be a blizzard." + +In very truth a blizzard had descended upon the city. All the +transportation lines were blocked, and over on Broadway all traffic had +been tied up for hours. Thanks to the elevated-railway structure, this +portion of the Bowery still remained passable. Even this was +momentarily piling higher and higher with the snow, and the wind was in +one of its most violently rampageous moods. + +"How would you feel if your little Aladdin had a job as a chauffeur on a +night like this?" the lad went on. + +The poor woman shuddered and was about to reply, when a terrific crash +from without drove all thought of words from her mind. Hastily running +to the window, she, too, peered out into the street for a moment over +Aladdin's shoulder, but only for a moment, for in an instant the boy was +up and making for the door of the little tailor shop. A heavy limousine +car lay overturned upon its side upon the walk, its wheels having +skidded on the slippery, snow-covered pavement, and striking the curb, +toppled completely over. Aladdin, with the agility of a small monkey, +soon mounted to the upper side of the overturned vehicle, and, opening +the door, had assisted a beautifully arrayed young woman, possibly a +year or two younger than himself, from within, and after her, fuming +and condemning his luck and the world in general, a gray-haired and +apparently irascible old gentleman. + +"Mother!" cried Aladdin, as the girl fainted in his arms, "come quickly. +The young lady has fainted." + +The good woman needed no second bidding. She hastened to his side, and +the limp form of the young girl was carried in her strong, motherly arms +into the little back room behind the tailor shop, which formed their +only home. Shortly afterward the old gentleman came also, ushered in by +Aladdin. + +"She is safe?" cried he, with an anxious glance at the prostrate form of +his daughter. + +"Perfectly so, sir," replied Aladdin's mother. "She has only fainted. +Won't you sit down, sir?" she added. "You look a little shaken up +yourself." + +"Thank you," said the old gentleman, gazing around the room vainly in +search of a chair. "Ah--what shall I sit down on, madam?" + +"Try the stove, sir," laughed Aladdin. "It may warm it up a bit." + +The old man gazed frowningly at the boy, not relishing such levity at so +serious a moment, and Aladdin, slightly embarrassed by his own +frivolity, tried to cover his confusion by seizing the lamp that had +fallen from the package, and polishing its highly oxidized surface by +rubbing it on the patched knee of his trousers. And then a strange thing +came to pass. At the moment of the first attrition between his knee and +the little brass lamp the room seemed to fill with a gray mist and in +its gathering depths Aladdin perceived the huge figure of a blackamoor +gradually taking shape. + +"What the dickens!" muttered the lad to himself as the strange +apparition rose up before him, rubbing his eyes to make sure that he saw +clearly. "What do you want?" he added, springing to his feet as the +genie approached him. + +"I have come in response to your summons," replied the blackamoor. "Give +your orders, sir!" + +Aladdin grinned broadly at this. The idea of his ever giving orders to +anybody seemed so very absurd. Nevertheless, he fell in with the spirit +of the hour. + +"All right, Sambo," he returned. "Get this gentleman a chair. There may +be an extra one up-stairs in the music-room." + +The blackamoor disappeared for an instant and shortly returned bringing +with him the desired piece of furniture. + +"Thank you," said the old gentleman, as he took his seat with an uneasy +glance around him. The situation was not altogether without alarming +features. As for Aladdin, you could have knocked him over with a +palm-leaf fan, so astonished was he at this unusual development. + +"I wish I'd asked for something to eat," he muttered to himself. + +"So do I," observed the old gentleman. "I'd give five hundred dollars +just now for a boiled egg." + +"You ought to get one studded with diamonds at that price," laughed +Aladdin, and then just for a joke he turned to the blackamoor. "Get this +gentleman five hundred dollars' worth of boiled eggs, Sambo," he said. + +"Hard or soft, sir?" asked the genie. + +"Three minutes," said the old gentleman. + +Sambo made a low salaam to Aladdin, and departing, he returned four +minutes later followed by seven other blackamoors just like him, each +carrying a large wicker hamper on his shoulders. These they deposited in +various parts of the room, and, gravely opening them, disclosed to the +astounded gaze of Aladdin and his unknown guest hundreds of eggs, +steaming as though freshly taken from the pot. + +[Illustration: "THIS IS A HALF-PORTION, SIR," SAID SAMBO] + +"This is a half-portion, sir," said Sambo, addressing Aladdin. "We will +return with the remainder in a minute, sir." + +"Just wait a second," said Aladdin, scratching his head in bewilderment +at the sight of so many eggs obtained with such ease. "It may be that +these will be enough for the time being. I'll ask the old chap. Excuse +me, Mr.--er--Mr.--er, I didn't catch your name, sir." + +"I am Major Bondifeller, president of the United Mints of North +America," replied the old gentleman. "A person not to be trifled with, +young man, as you probably know very well." + +Aladdin gasped, as well he might. Here was old Rufus Bondifeller, +reputed to be the richest man in the world, a guest in his mother's +fast-failing little remnant of a tailor shop. + +"Gud-glad to mum-meet you, sir," stammered Aladdin. "Do you think +there's enough eggs here to satisfy your hunger? There appears to be +two hundred and fifty dollars' worth here now, but if you wish the rest +served immediately--" + +"Great heavens, no!" roared Bondifeller. "When I said I'd give five +hundred dollars for a boiled egg I was merely speaking figuratively. A +rich man can't eat any more boiled eggs at a sitting than a poor man; +fact is, half the time he can't eat as many without a bad attack of +angina pectoris." + +"All right," said Aladdin, resolved to carry off the extraordinary +situation with an outward nonchalance, in spite of the inner turmoil +that kept his brain whirling. "You needn't bother about the rest of +those eggs now, Sambo. Major Bondifeller can get along on these." + +The blackamoor and his companions disappeared even as they had come, +apparently irrespective of doorways, and utterly regardless of walls. +They seemed merely to melt through whatever solid substances there might +be between themselves and annihilation. As for Major Bondifeller, as he +observed these strange developments, his face grew set and rigid. He +eyed every movement of the blackamoors with uneasy attention until they +had vanished from sight, and then his flashing eye was riveted upon +Aladdin. Finally he spoke, sharply and to the point. + +"Well," he snapped, "how much?" + +Aladdin started. The icy tone of the speaker's voice chilled him, and it +was so peremptory that he felt for the moment as if he had been stung by +the lash. + +"How much what?" he said, finally, summoning up all his courage to face +the apparently angry millionaire. + +"Don't try to evade the point," retorted the Major, coldly. "Let's get +through with the business as quickly as we can. It is plain as a +pikestaff to anybody having half an eye that, taking advantage of our +mishap, you have lured my daughter and myself in here for your own +profit. No man keeps such a villainous-looking gang of niggers on hand +with an honest purpose. So what are your demands?" + +Aladdin laughed in spite of his disturbed frame of mind at the Major's +suspicions. It was such an absurd idea that he could be at the head of a +badger-gang, and yet, after all, he could not deny a certain sort of +reasonableness in the notion from Major Bondifeller's point of view. +Again taking the lamp casually in his hand, more as an outlet for his +embarrassment than for any other reason, he gave it a second rub and +started to answer the Major's question, but, as before, the mist again +appeared, and from its musty depths the blackamoor took shape and +salaamed before him. + +"Well, what is it now, Sambo?" demanded Aladdin, frowning at the +intruder. + +[Illustration: "YOU RUBBED THE LAMP, I BELIEVE?"] + +"Your orders, sir," said the blackamoor. "You rubbed the lamp, I +believe?" + +Aladdin's heart leaped into his mouth. _He had rubbed the lamp twice, +and twice had it brought him aid!_ Surely, there must be some magic +about this. + +"What if I did rub the lamp?" he queried, in a tremulous voice. "What's +that got to do with you?" + +"I and my comrades are slaves of the lamp, as your Highness very well +knows," replied the blackamoor. "Whatever your commands, the United +Order of Amalgamated Genii must obey." + +"_Hooray!_" cried Aladdin, dancing a wild fandango about the room. "_Who +wants the handsome waiter?_" + +As the full import of his new-found treasure dawned upon his mind, the +lad's ecstasy bade fair to surpass all bounds, but the chilling voice of +Bondifeller served to calm his effervescing spirit. + +"I want nothing but your proposition, so that I may get out of this den +as speedily as possible," he was saying. "I am not a man to beat about +the bush, and I realize that you have got me. What is it you demand?" + +"First and foremost, civility," said Aladdin, boldly, a sense of his own +power sweeping over him and giving him confidence. "I guess you'll find +that harder to negotiate than a check for a considerable sum, Major +Bondifeller, cash being a commoner commodity with you than civility. +Now, as a matter of fact, sir," the lad went on, "I had your daughter +carried in here out of that raging blizzard so that my mother could give +her the attention she needed. You I brought in also with no more +knowledge of who you were, and with no more idea of financially +profiting by your accident, than if you had been one of those +unfortunate tramps out on the Bowery there. But now that you have put +the idea in my mind that, perhaps, after all, nobody ever does anything +unselfishly in this world, I will make certain demands of you. To begin +with, you may pay me two hundred and fifty dollars for those eggs, and +as a mere act of ordinary generosity, you may tip the handsome waiter +fifty dollars. I understand, too, sir, that you are the proprietor of +these ten city blocks in which I and about twenty thousand of my +neighbors are housed?" + +"I believe I do own considerable property hereabouts," said the +millionaire, sullenly, "though I can't say offhand whether I do or not. +My agents look after my smaller investments." + +"Well," said Aladdin, "it don't make any difference to me whether you +remember what you own or not. The results so far as you are concerned +will be the same. You will have these ten blocks of houses torn down and +replaced by model tenements, turning the alternate blocks into city +parks for the children to play in." + +"But suppose I don't own 'em?" protested Bondifeller. + +"What you don't own, Major Bondifeller," returned Aladdin, "is too +trifling a detail for us to worry over. So long as you don't own me I +don't care a pickled herring what you do own. If it turns out upon +investigation that any of these pig-pens on these ten city squares +belong to anybody else, buy 'em." + +"Buy 'em?" snarled Bondifeller. "How can I buy 'em if the other man +won't sell?" + +"With money," said Aladdin; "the same stuff you always use to buy +anything else you happen to want, from an oil-painting or a Japanese +porcelain up to a State legislature or a man's conscience." + +"And if I don't agree?" demanded the old man, a truculent glare in his +eye, an eye before which the so-called powerful men of the earth had +trembled more than once in the past. + +Aladdin returned the gaze unflinchingly. Once more he rubbed the lamp, +and the genie appeared as before. + +"Sambo," said the lad, calmly, with a wink at the slave, "is dungeon +number thirty-seven on the fifteenth tier below the Subway occupied +to-night?" + +"No, sir," replied the blackamoor, with a grin. + +"Very well, then," said Aladdin, coldly; "you may provide a special +escort of fifteen of your best and most reliable genii and have them +take this young lady to her home at Zoocrest, Central Park East, taking +care that nothing shall occur either to frighten her or to make her +uncomfortable in any way. Meanwhile, you yourself, with five of our +biggest huskies, will file this gentleman here away for the night in +dungeon number thirty-seven, as aforesaid." + +"As your Highness directs," replied the obedient blackamoor. + +In a moment the still prostrate form of Miss Bondifeller was borne +gently from the room and placed in a large touring-car that suddenly +materialized without, and shortly Bondifeller, sitting ruefully alone in +the little back room, could hear it chugging up the snowbound street at +as lively a pace as any racer ever struck upon the smoothest of +boulevards. It was indeed an illuminating exhibition of the remarkable +resources of this extraordinary young man, and, strange to say, a +contemplation of it gave the old gentleman a curious sense of pleasure. +To be sure, he appeared to be in rather a bad predicament, but all the +same it was a novel sensation to him to encounter somebody who +apparently did not fear him. This was an emotion that he had not enjoyed +for many years, and it was not without its titillation. + +"I guess you've got me, young man," he said, rather meekly, when Aladdin +returned. + +"I guess that's a good guess," retorted Aladdin, nonchalantly. "There's +only one answer to the question that confronts you, and you've lit on it +the very first time. I don't intend to be at all vindictive, Major +Bondifeller," he continued, "but a little lesson in arbitrary power +isn't going to do you a bit of harm; so just make up your mind to take +your medicine, and let's save our breath to talk of more important +things. First thing, I'm hungry. Mother, please lay covers for three--" + +"But, my son," began the poor woman, who, in caring for the unconscious +girl, had seen nothing of what was going on, "we haven't a morsel of +food in the--" + +"Do as I say, mother," said Aladdin, quickly. "Sambo will attend to the +rest." + +"Gone clean out of his head, poor laddy!" murmured his mother, +hastening, nevertheless, to fulfil his commands, merely as a means of +keeping him quiet. Meanwhile, Aladdin, seizing the faithful lamp, gave +it another rub, and when the blackamoor appeared he ordered a royal +repast--so royal, indeed, that old Major Bondifeller's eyes nearly +popped out of his head as he ran over the order. A few suppers of that +sort would have bankrupted even so flourishing a concern as the United +Mints of North America. + +"Any favorite dish you'd like to add, Major?" asked Aladdin, genially. + +The old man's eyes filled with tears at this exhibition of kindness, +even at this moment when they were practically enemies at swords' +points. He could not remember in his own line of effort in many years +that he had himself ever extended any consideration to a fallen foe. + +"Why, I don't know," said he, his voice growing husky with emotion. +"Sometimes in the midst of all the luxury I am enjoying to-day my mind +runs back to those early days on the old farm when my mother's apple +pies seemed to be the perfection of culinary art." + +"Say no more, Major; you shall have your wish," laughed Aladdin. Then, +turning to the waiting attendant, he added, "Sambo, you may add to that +order one full portion of pallid pippin pie for pale people, with a +glass of buttermilk on the side." + +An hour later the happy little party--for Major Bondifeller had warmed +up considerably under the exhilarating influence of his strange +surroundings--broke up with a sense of repletion that neither Aladdin +nor his poor mother had enjoyed for many years. Indeed, it is doubtful +if the young man himself had ever had so square a meal as that in all +his life before. Over the cigars, Bondifeller tried to take up the +thread of their before-dinner discourse. + +"As for that business suggestion of yours--" he began, flicking the ash +airily from the end of his cigar, but Aladdin stopped him. + +"I make it a rule never to talk business at or immediately after dinner, +Major," he said, reprovingly. "The hour is late and dungeon number +thirty-seven awaits you. I trust you will sleep well. Sambo, show this +gentleman to his room." + +"But--" began Bondifeller. + +"On your way, Sambo!" said Aladdin. "And, remember, that if this +gentleman turns up missing in the morning you lose your union card. +Good-night!" + +When Aladdin awoke the following morning it was only natural that he +should regard the events of the night before as nothing more than a +fantastic dream, and he was chuckling softly to himself over its +manifest absurdities, when all of a sudden he spied the lamp on the +table of his humble little room. He eyed it keenly for a few minutes, +and then springing from the bed he seized it in his left hand and began +rubbing it feverishly with his right. As had invariably happened before, +the genie responded on the instant. + +"Your orders, your Highness," he said. + +Aladdin scratched his head in sheer bewilderment, but, pulling himself +together by a strong effort of will, he answered, somewhat haughtily: + +"Send a maid to my mother's room immediately with instructions to +replenish her wardrobe at once with whatever things she may choose to +ask for, and you may yourself bring me my new frock coat, with the +lavender trousers and the white pique vest. You may lay out my best +shirred-front shirt and my mauve tie, and see that my silk socks match +the latter. I shall wear my patent-leather shoes this morning, and if my +silk hat shows any signs of wear, get me a new one." + +"Yes, your Highness," said the blackamoor. "And will your Grace +breakfast?" + +"Yes," said Aladdin. "Have breakfast on the table in one hour from +now--fried eggs, buckwheat cakes, tenderloin steak, and a little salt +fish. I desire, also, to have Major Bondifeller at breakfast with me, +and, mind you, tell him not to keep me waiting." + +"As your Highness wills," said the blackamoor, retiring. + +Aladdin's orders were fulfilled to the letter, and after the breakfast +was over he summoned the genie with a considerable flourish, which +deeply impressed his guest. + +"Now, Sambo," said he, "I want you to take the limousine, go up to the +St. Gotham Hotel and inform the proprietor that Monsieur Le Duc di +Lumiere will arrive there, with his mother the Countess de Bougie, and +suite, precisely at noon, and desires the best accommodations the house +can provide. To inspire confidence you would better take a few diamond +necklaces with you and deposit them for safe-keeping at the office; and +while you are about it, I'd like a couple of thousand dollars for +pocket-money." + +As he gave these orders Aladdin scarcely dared look at the genie, for +fear of rebellion, but they seemed to make no impression at all upon the +blackamoor, who merely bowed his acquiescence and handed Aladdin a bag +full of gold pieces. As for the Major, who had passed a sleepless night, +he merely blinked amazedly at these astounding occurrences. Finally, he +found his voice. "You are the Duc di Lumiere?" he asked. + +"At your service," said Aladdin. + +"And may I ask what you are doing here in these squalid quarters?" +continued the old man. + +"I am conducting a personal investigation into the lives of the +unfortunate," replied Aladdin. "By some extraordinary good chance the +Fates have thrown you, who are largely responsible for the awful +conditions I find here, into my hands, with power to control your +movements. Within a radius of ten city blocks, Major Bondifeller, there +are enough human souls living in squalid misery to populate a New +England city, and yet you pay no more attention to them, nay, not as +much, as you pay to a fly that enters your house and buzzes around your +pate. You give the fly some personal attention, but in this matter of +your tenements you do nothing whatsoever, leaving it to an agent to care +for your smaller interests. I believe those are your own words. Now, +sir, it is in my power to keep you here for as long a time as I wish, +but I don't want to make a prisoner of you. I want to give you a chance +to do something for your fellow-men, especially those who can never +hope to repay you save in gratitude. You heard my views last night. I +ask nothing for myself, for, as you see, I do not need anything for +myself. I have but to order what I wish, and it is here." + +"Your model tenements are a useless ideal," retorted Bondifeller. "Only +last year, at enormous expense, I put bath-tubs in all my tenements, and +my agent reports that the tenants use them to store their coal in." + +"And do you know why?" demanded Aladdin. + +"Ignorance, I presume," said Bondifeller, "allied to a love of squalor." + +"Nothing of the sort!" retorted Aladdin, pounding the table with his +fist. "It is because you spent all your appropriation on bath-tubs and +never even thought of putting one penny into the construction of +coal-bins." + +Bondifeller was silent. He had never thought of that before. + +"Well," he said, ruefully, "I suppose I must agree, but it will cost +twenty millions of dollars." + +"What's twenty millions to a man who controls the United Mints of North +America?" demanded Aladdin. + +"But if you keep me here I shall not control the United Mints of North +America!" shouted Bondifeller, pounding the table just a little on his +own account. "John W. Midas and Silas Reddymun have combined against me, +and if I am not at the board meeting at ten o'clock this morning I am +down and out." + +"Phew!" whistled Aladdin. "By Jove! Major, I'm glad you mentioned it in +time. It gives me an opportunity to show you just what this power of +mine amounts to." + +He rubbed the lamp and the genie appeared. + +"I desire the immediate presence here of Colonel John W. Midas and Mr. +Silas Reddymun, Sambo," said Aladdin. + +"To hear is to obey," replied the slave, making off. + +"You don't mean to say--" gasped Bondifeller. + +"Major Bondifeller," said Aladdin, "I am not the saying kind. I am a +plain, common garden doer. I admit that this time I am stretching things +a point, but you'll find my orders are obeyed." + +As indeed they were, to the astonishment of all concerned, not even +excepting Aladdin himself, who trembled at the audacity of his last +command. Within forty minutes the two gasping financiers whose presence +had been commanded sat before them. The genii had apparently taken them +just as they found them, for Reddymun still wore his bath-robe and Midas +was in his shirt-sleeves, with only one side of his face shaved. + +[Illustration: "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?" THEY DEMANDED] + +"What the devil does this mean?" they demanded, in scarcely varying +terms. + +"It means," said Aladdin, calmly, now very sure of himself--as he had +every right to be, considering the already successful manifestation +of his powers--"it means, gentlemen, that the United Mints of North +America have passed into the control of a dark horse, who is familiarly +known to himself as Aladdin, Duc di Lumiere, and that unless you +magnates get together inside of one hour and do something to clean up +the squalor and misery of this city as represented by these cesspools of +humanity termed the tenement districts, you will spend the balance of +your days in something worse. It is now twenty-seven minutes past eight. +You may go into executive session at half-past eight, and at half-past +nine I shall be ready to escort you either to your board-room at the +office of the United Mints of North America, or to the dark but wholly +secure safe-deposit vaults that I have designed for your accommodation +in the subterranean suburbs of this little burg." + +With these words, Aladdin departed. + +At noon that day Monsieur Le Duc di Lumiere, with his mother the +Countess de Bougie, and suite, arrived at the St. Gotham Hotel. + +"There is a telegram for your Grace," observed the proprietor, as he +entered the royal salon. He handed over the little yellow envelope. +Aladdin tore it open hastily and read: + + M. LE DUC DI LUMIERE, _Hotel St. Gotham_: + + The Board of Directors of the United Mints of North America + have secured control of sixty blocks in the heart of the + tenement district of New York and will begin at once the + erection of thirty first-class model tenement houses, + costing two million apiece, each building fronting on all + four sides upon a complete city square to be devoted to + public parks for the people and playgrounds for the + children. Can you supply janitors? Answer, collect. + + (Signed) SILAS REDDYMUN, + JOHN W. MIDAS, + RUFUS BONDIFELLER. + +A year later, while Aladdin and Mr. Bondifeller were returning from the +opening ceremonies of the wonderful new tenements of lower New York in +the latter's motor, the aged financier gave his young friend's hand a +quick and affectionate pressure. + +"Duke," said he, his voice trembling with happiness, "you have made me +the happiest man in the world. When I looked out upon the sea of faces +of those tenants of our new houses, as you made your address, and saw +the look of hope in eyes that a year ago were filled with threatening +and despair, it gave me such a thrill as I never had before. Is there +anything else you can suggest wherein a man can use a few more millions +for the benefit of humanity?" + +"Yes," said Aladdin. "Now that you have done something for the poor, a +few millions spent for the amelioration of the habits of the rich would +be a great boon." + +"And how would you go about it?" asked the old man. + +"I don't know, Major," replied Aladdin. "It is a much harder proposition +than the other." + +"And meanwhile," said the old man, tremulously, "how can I show my own +gratitude to you personally for all you have done for me?" + +Aladdin looked across the car at the fair face of Marjorie Bondifeller, +whose lovely eyes fell as they caught his glance. + +"Well," said Aladdin, blushing a rosy red, "you might make me your son." + +"Ah, my boy," sighed the Major, as he shook his head sadly, "I am afraid +that is impossible. I don't think your mother would marry a +cross-grained old curmudgeon like me. I've been a widower for so many +years now that I have become set in my ways, and--" + +"But there's another way round, ain't there?" cried Aladdin. + +And there was, and that is how, my dear children, Marjorie Bondifeller +happened to become the Duchess di Lumiere. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK JACK AND THE CHECK BOOK*** + + +******* This file should be named 34423.txt or 34423.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/4/4/2/34423 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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