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+The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Wayfarers, by J. C. Snaith
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
+most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
+whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
+of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at
+www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you
+will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before
+using this eBook.
+
+Title: The Wayfarers
+
+Author: J. C. Snaith
+
+Release Date: December 28, 2010 [eBook #34776]
+[Most recently updated: October 7, 2022]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: UTF-8
+
+Produced by: Al Haines
+
+*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS ***
+
+
+
+
+[Frontispiece: “‘It is most strange, madam ... that you should not be
+certain of the name of your husband.’” (Chapter XIII.)]
+
+
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS
+
+
+BY
+
+J. C. SNAITH
+
+
+Author of "Mistress Dorothy Marvin," "Fierceheart, the Soldier," "Lady
+Barbarity," etc
+
+
+
+
+WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED
+
+LONDON, MELBOURNE AND TORONTO
+
+1902
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+CHAP.
+
+     I  THE DEVIL TO PAY
+    II  LADY CYNTHIA CAREW
+   III  INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW
+    IV  WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE
+     V  I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER.
+    VI  CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+   VII  AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE
+        LEARNING IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS
+  VIII  WE GET US TO CHURCH
+    IX  WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR
+     X  WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE
+    XI  I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY
+   XII  I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE
+  XIII  I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME
+   XIV  AMANTIUM IRÆ
+    XV  AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS
+   XVI  WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS
+  XVII  WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION
+ XVIII  CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+   XIX  WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER
+    XX  DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES
+   XXI  WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY
+  XXII  THE LAST
+
+
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+THE DEVIL TO PAY
+
+When I opened my eyes it was one o'clock in the day.  The cards lay on
+the table in a heap, and on the carpet in a greater one, the dead
+bottles in their midst.  The candles were burnt out; their holders were
+foul with smoke and grease.  As I sat up on the couch on which I had
+thrown myself at nine o clock in the morning in the desperation of
+fatigue, and stretched the sleep out of my limbs and rubbed it out of
+my brain the afternoon strove through the drawn blinds palely.  The
+half-light gave such a sombre and appropriate touch to the profligate
+scene that it would have moved a moralist to a disquisition of five
+pages.  But whatever my errors, that accusation was never urged against
+me, even by my friends.  You may continue in your reading, therefore,
+in no immediate peril.  The ashes were long since grey in the grate;
+there was an intolerable reek of wine-dregs and stale tobacco in the
+air; and the condition of the furniture, stained and broken and tumbled
+in all directions contributed the final disorder to the room.  Indeed
+the only article in it, allowing no exception to myself, that had
+emerged from the orgy of the night without an impediment to its dignity
+was the picture of my grandfather, that pious, learned nobleman,
+hanging above the mantelpiece.  A chip off a corner of his frame might
+be urged even against him; but what was that in comparison with the
+philosophical severity with which he gazed upon the scene?  In the
+grave eyes, the grim mouth, the great nose of his family, he retained
+the contemplative grandeur which had enabled him to give to the world
+in ten ponderous tomes a Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_.
+The space they had occupied on my book-shelf, between the _Newgate
+Calendar_ and the _History of Jonathan Wild the Great_, was now
+unfilled, since these memorials of the great mind of my ancestor had
+lain three weeks with the Jews.
+
+By the time my wits had returned I was able to recall the fact that the
+previous night, whose evidences I now regarded, was the last I should
+enjoy.  It was the extravagant ending to a raffish comedy.  Finis was
+already written in my history.  As I sat yawning on my couch I was a
+thing of the past; I had ceased to be; to-morrow at this hour I should
+be forgotten by the world.  I had had my chin off the bridle for ten
+years, and had used that period to whirl my heels without regard to the
+consequences.  I had played high, drunk deep, paid my court to Venus,
+gained the notoriety of the intrigue and the duel--in fact, I had taken
+every degree in rakishness with the highest honours.  I had spent or
+lost every penny of my patrimony, and fourteen thousand pounds besides;
+I could no longer hold my creditors at bay; various processes were out
+against me; the Jews had my body, as surely as the devil had my soul.
+But it was more particularly a stroke of ill-fortune that had hastened
+on the evil day.  The single hair whereon the sword over my head had
+been suspended must have been severed sooner or later, even had it not
+suddenly snapped at four of the clock of the previous afternoon.  At
+that hour I had killed a cornet of the Blues within a hundred yards of
+the Cocoa Tree, in the presence of my greatest enemy.  Lord knows it
+was in fair fight, marred it is true by a little heat on the side of
+both; but the only witness of the deed, and he an accidental one, was
+Humphrey Waring, my rival and my enemy.  He of all men was best able to
+turn such a misadventure on my part to account.  The moment poor
+Burdock sank sobbing to death in Waring's arms, and he cried with his
+grim laugh, "You will need to run pretty swift, my lord, to prove your
+_alibi_," I knew that fate had reserved for the last the cruellest
+trick of all she had it in her power to play.
+
+Possessed by the knowledge that I must inevitably perish in a rope, or
+less fortunately in a debtor's jail, for the instant the hand of the
+law was laid on my coat, the state of my affairs would never permit it
+to be removed.  I went home and hastily summoned a few choice spirits
+to my lodgings in Jermyn Street that evening; and I spent the last
+night of my freedom in that society, expecting at every cast of the
+cards and every clink of the bottle to hear the boots of the "traps"
+from Bow Street upon the stairs.  Yet all night long they never came,
+and here it was one o'clock in the afternoon, and I still in the
+enjoyment of my liberty.  And now, as I sat in the sanity of daylight,
+refreshed by an excellent sleep, I felt myself still to be my own man.
+Therefore I called to François my valet to draw up the window-blinds,
+and to have the goodness to bring me a bottle of wine.
+
+This blackguard of an Irishman bore in baptism the name of Terence, but
+I called him François, because one holds that to be as indubitably the
+name of a valet as Dick of an ostler, and Thomas of a clergyman.
+Besides, I have such an hereditary instinct for polite letters, that I
+would as lief have called him after his own honoured patronymic as by
+that of our excellent Flaccus himself.  François waded through the
+kings and queens and aces on the carpet, let the daylight in, and then
+withdrew to fetch a clean glass and a bottle of Tokay.
+
+"The last bottle, me lord," says he.
+
+"We drain the last bottle on the last day," says I.  "Can aught be more
+fitting?  _Finis coronal opus_!"
+
+As this was the last time I should take the cup of pleasure to my lips,
+I made the utmost of it; sipped it carefully, turned it over on my
+tongue, held the glass up to the light, meditated on my past a little,
+on my present case, and what lay before me.  I suppose it was a
+particular generous quality of the wine that kindled a new warmth in my
+spirit.  Why, I asked myself, should I sit here, tamely waiting on my
+fate?  Why should I be content to have my person contaminated with the
+dirty hands that would hale it to an ignominious death, or a thing less
+bearable?  Why should I not cheat the Jews and my evil fortune in this
+last hour?  Nothing could be easier than to leave the law in the lurch.
+
+This course was so consonant to the desperation of my temper and
+affairs, that I had no sooner entered on the second glass of this last
+bottle, than I was fully convinced of its propriety.  It was surely
+more fitting that a gentleman should select the hour and the manner of
+his exit from the world, than submit like a common ruffian to the
+dictation of the law in these important matters.  To die by the hand of
+oneself is not the highest sort of death, it is true; but I am one who
+would advance, although the ancient and best writers are against me in
+this matter, that there are occasions when a man may best serve his
+dignity by renouncing that which has ceased to be a cherished object to
+him.  In this, at least, I have Cato the younger with me.
+
+Indeed I had already taken this resolve rather than submit my pride to
+those inconveniences that so depress the spirit, when a third glass of
+wine put me in mind of a thing the most importunate of any.  There was
+a certain lady.  Nothing can be more ludicrous than to consider of a
+ruined gamester broken by Fortune on her wheel, pausing in his last
+extremity for such a reason.  But there it was.  I could have wished to
+see the tears of defiance once again on her cheeks.  In spite of the
+world, in spite of her family, of my evil history, of my cunning,
+plausible enemy, she had given me her proud little heart.  She was the
+one person I might have turned to in this black hour, who would not
+have requited me with a sneer or a cold glance.  Her stern old father
+had no sooner discovered how her affections stood committed towards me,
+and had learned the colour of my reputation, than he had whisked her
+away from town to his seat in the remote west country, and had vowed
+upon his soul to have me ducked in a ditch if I so much as showed my
+nose in those parts.
+
+These thoughts of dear, insolent little Cynthia had induced reflections
+that I could well have done without.  It was plain that this last cast
+of the cards had left the game in the hands of Mr. Humphrey Waring.  He
+had long had the ear of the old duke, Cynthia's father, and no man knew
+better how to push the advantages my misfortunes had given him over me.
+He would marry the greatest heiress in the west country, hate him as
+she might, whilst Jack Tiverton, the worthless rogue on whom she doted,
+or, if it please you better, the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John
+Plowden-Pleydell, fifth Earl of Tiverton, that ill-fated nobleman,
+rotted in durance, or writhed in a rope at Tyburn, or spilt his brains
+on the carpet of his lodgings.  But for all that I had a mind to
+attempt a little more mischief before I perished.  Why not go to poor
+little town-bred Cynthia, immured in the country like a bird in a cage,
+and throw her obstinate old father and her cunning suitor into such a
+fright as they would not be likely to forget?  Indeed, why not?
+
+However, when I came to reflect on this scheme more carefully, I found
+that I had hardly zest enough for it.  My ruin was too complete.
+Besides, it might cost Cynthia dear.  I should have been well pleased
+to look on my pretty young miss once again and watch the tears course
+down her cheeks in the stress of our farewell, for I would have you
+know that I am a man of sentiment when in the humour.  But it would be
+a hollow business and little of a kindness to the child to have her
+weep for such a broken profligate.  I should purchase the discomfort of
+my enemies at too high a price.
+
+Yet I must come to a decision speedily.  Every instant I expected to
+hear the law upon the stairs.  Should I spare it any further trouble
+there and then, or make an attempt to break out of town and lead it a
+dance across the country?  The drawback in the first course was its
+somewhat arbitrary nature.  It was so final and so certain that chance
+would have no opportunity.  The drawback to the second was that I had
+not a guinea in the world.  That morning I had staked my last and lost
+it.  However, as I weighed the pros and cons with a whimsical
+deliberation I was taken with a fortunate expedient.  Chance had been
+the ruling passion of my life.  It had brought me to this pass.  Why
+should I not employ it to solve this problem?  I summoned M. François.
+
+"Take two pistols," I said, "into the next chamber, but load one only.
+Cock them both, however, but use particular care that nothing shall
+suggest which is charged and which is not.  Then bring them here and
+lay them side by side upon this table, still remembering not to betray
+the fatal one."
+
+M. François bowed, and solemnly carried away the weapons from the
+sideboard.  I awaited his return with an emotion akin to pleasure.  I
+had tasted most of the delights that chance could afford me; but even
+I, who had staked houses, lands, servants, furniture, and every guinea
+of my fortune, had not yet gambled with my life.  Thus, when I came to
+play the greatest stake that is in the power of any man to play, it was
+but fitting that I should enjoy some little exhilaration in that act.
+
+M. François returned in rather more than two minutes with the pistols,
+and set them on the table on the top of the cards.  They were both
+cocked, and it was impossible to distinguish one from the other.  M.
+Francis coughed in his well-bred manner, and then sighed deeply.
+
+"I beg your pardon, my lord," he said, at the verge of tears, "and I am
+sure your lordship will overlook the liberty on an occasion--on an
+occasion that is not likely to occur again.  But may I say, my lord,
+with what deep regret I take farewell of your lordship?  I am sure
+there could not have been a better, kinder master."
+
+"François, I subscribe heartily to that," says I, "and I am sure there
+could not have been a bigger blackguard of a servant.  And may I say,
+François, that I never took a deeper pleasure in anything than in
+parting with you; and I may even add that if a minute hence I am called
+elsewhere, I go with the less irresolution, because I am firm in the
+opinion that wherever it may be, I cannot be worse served than I have
+been at your hands."
+
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says François humbly.
+
+"No thanks, I beg," says I.  "But, François, if chance, who hath served
+me nearly as ill as you have and for a rather longer period, sees fit
+to arrange that I shall perish by my own hand, I do not doubt that you
+will desire some small memento, some small souvenir of so fortunate an
+occasion."
+
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says François, more humbly than
+before.
+
+"You overwhelm me, François," says I.  "If there is any little
+knick-knack your fancy turns to, you have only to mention it.  The Jews
+will but claim it otherwise, and I would almost as lief it fell into
+your hands as into theirs."
+
+"As your lordship so emboldens me," says M. François, "I should most
+greatly cherish the picture of your grandfather, that wise good
+nobleman, that hangs above the mantelpiece, for I am sure I could
+devise no more fitting memorial of his grandson."
+
+"François," says I, "would I did not know you for a rogue, for the
+chastity of your taste does you so much honour it honours me.  But
+would you bereave me of the last badge of my respectability?  Friends,
+fortune, estate, the consideration of the world, all are gone, and you
+would now deny me the solace of my heritage.  Yet I commend your wisdom
+even here, since if you rob others as you have robbed myself, you will
+presently be able to purchase half the kingdom of Ireland, and set up
+among the landed gentry.  You will then, I doubt not, find an ancestor
+or two come not amiss.  And if of my grandfather's pattern so much the
+better, for their virtue will purchase you more credit than any of your
+own.  But I would recommend myself that you took a few ancestors over
+with the property.  They would cost less in a lump.  Besides, they tell
+me they are cheaper in Ireland than anywhere else, except France, where
+they are even more common than matrimony."
+
+M.  François was gathering himself to make a proper reply to this
+harangue, when suddenly we both heard the long-expected footfalls on
+the stairs.
+
+"Secure that door," said I.  "I will not be taken until chance hath
+arbitrated on my destination."
+
+Saying this, without the hesitation of an instant I picked up one of
+the pistols lying side by side among the cards.  François slipped to
+the door and turned the key.  Then he went to the mantelpiece, took
+down the picture, and placed it under his arm.
+
+"Farewell, my lord," he said, "I leave you with inexpressible regret."
+
+He ran to the window, cast it open, and with the most astonishing skill
+and agility, squeezed himself through the opening, my grandfather and
+all; and the roof being well within his reach, he first laid the
+picture on the tiles, then drew himself up after it, and showed the
+cleanest pair of heels to the law as ever I saw.  And I was so taken
+with the ready wit and contrivance of the rogue, that although I had
+the cocked pistol pressed to my temple, I could not pull the trigger
+for the life of me.  For I stood all a-shake with very laughter, so
+that the cold muzzle of the weapon tapped now against my forehead, now
+against my nose, now against my cheekbone, till I vow it was a miracle
+the hammer did not descend.  But in the middle of all this the door was
+tried and shaken, followed by a fierce tap on the panel, and then came
+the clear tones of a woman.
+
+"Open--open the door.  Jack, it is I!"
+
+At the sound of that voice the pistol fell from my hands altogether.
+Striking the carpet with a thud, it exploded under my feet and knocked
+a great hole in the wainscot.  For an instant the room was full of
+smoke, gunpowder, and a mighty noise; but the moment I recovered my
+courage I unfastened the door and confronted the cause of it--Cynthia
+Carew!  She too was the victim of a not unnatural bewilderment, and as
+pale as linen.
+
+"Ods sputterkins!" she cried.  "What a taking you have put me in!  I am
+all of a twitter.  Whose brains have you spilt?  Not your own, I'll
+warrant me, for you never had any.  Give me a kiss now, and get me some
+ratafia to compose me, and we'll let it pass."
+
+"Cynthia," I gasped, but giving her the first of these requisites, "how
+came you here, in heaven's name?
+
+"Ratafia!" she cried, "ratafia, or I perish."
+
+"There's never a drop in the place," says I.  "No, nor cherry-brandy,
+nor aromatic vinegar neither."
+
+"Another kiss then," says Cynthia, pressing her white cheek against me,
+and casting her arms about my neck.
+
+I led her within and set her down on the couch.  She bore all the
+evidences of having made a long journey.  So far from being dressed in
+the modishness that was wont to charm St. James's Park, she was covered
+by a long, dun-coloured cloak, wore a country hat, if I'm a judge of
+'em, in which the feathers were crumpled; her shoes were muddy, and she
+carried a strange look of fear and uneasiness that I had never seen
+about her before.  I procured a clean glass and filled it with wine
+from the last bottle and made her drain it, for she looked so pale and
+overborne.
+
+"Now," says I, "how came you here? and what brings you?"
+
+"Oh, Jack," says she, "I am run away."  She suddenly broke forth into a
+flood of tears.
+
+"The devil you are!" says I.
+
+"Yes," says she, sobbing as though her heart would break, "and I'm not
+sorry neither."
+
+"You wouldn't confess it an you were," says I.
+
+"No, I wouldn't," she sobbed.
+
+I must admit that the sight of the sweet chit was the one thing in all
+the world that had the power to please me at that hour, yet there was
+not a thing that could have happened to leave me in so sore a case.
+Here had my prettiness come and thrown herself on my protection--on the
+protection of a man utterly ruined, whom the law was already dogging
+for his liberty, if not his life.  In sooth I must send her back again.
+It was no sort of a reception, especially when one fell to consider the
+heroical fashion of her coming to me.  But what else was one to do?  I
+was at my last gasp, without so much as a guinea, or a roof for my
+head, since to stay in that house was to court arrest, nor had I a
+friend in the world to whom I would dare to recommend her.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I dote upon the sight of you; I am filled with joy
+to see you sitting there, but--but----"
+
+How could I tell the child!
+
+"But--but?"  She sobbed no more.  Mopping her tears, she crumpled the
+sopping handkerchief in her little fist, sat perfectly upright in her
+seat, and stared so straight at me that I felt the blood hum in my ears.
+
+"But--but!" says I again--devil take me if I could tell her.
+
+"But--but?" says she on her part; and it was wonderful to see her blue
+eyes come open and her proud lips spring together like the snap of a
+watch-case.
+
+"Well, Cynthia, dear, it is simply this," says I, going headlong into
+it.  "You find me a ruined gamester, without a friend or a guinea in
+the world, who even at this moment is being hunted for his debts, and,
+if I dared say it to you, something worse.  Now there is but one way
+out of it.  You cannot stay here; there is not a friend to whom I may
+confide you; child, you must go back to your father."
+
+Instead of growing red, the colour that shone I am sure in my face, she
+grew as pale as snow, and her eyes sparkled with a grim beauty that
+discomposed me more than it charmed me.  She rose from the couch,
+lifted her chin out of her white throat, and kicked the kings and
+queens and knaves on the carpet in all directions.
+
+"Never," she cried.  "I will not go back to my father.  I said I would
+not marry this Mr. Waring; whereon my lord said he would lock me in my
+room until I was of another mind.  And he did lock me in it; and I
+broke out of it; and I will not go back, no, not if I must subsist on
+crusts picked from the kennel, and the clothes rot off my body, and I
+sleep o' nights in a dry ditch or the porch of a church."
+
+"Faith!" says I, "that's well spoke, monstrous well spoke."
+
+"I hate this Mr. Waring," says the little fury.  "May I be crost in
+love, if I do not."
+
+"And if I do not too," says I, "may my heart smoke in purgatory.  But
+come tell me, is it for himself you hate him, or is it for love of me?"
+
+"A plague take all catechisms," says she.  "But I will tell you for
+another kiss."
+
+I think two persons in love could never have been in a worse plight
+than Cynthia and I.  There seemed no course open to us, other than to
+flee together, we knew not whither.  Before even this could be
+considered, however, we had to find the means.
+
+"What money have you left in your poke?" I asked her.
+
+"Twelvepence exactly and a halfpenny over."
+
+I whistled long and shrill.  "Which is twelve-pence exactly and a
+halfpenny more than there is in mine.  At nine o'clock this morning I
+staked my all, including three periwigs, nine pairs of silk breeches,
+stockings, five cambric brocaded waistcoats, silver-buckled shoes,
+sword, duelling pistols, house and furniture, the Odes of Horace, and
+my man-cook--staked 'em on the queen of hearts and lost 'em.  Think on
+it, my pretty--lost 'em on the queen of hearts."
+
+"I care not for that," says Cynthia.  "I will not go back, and so you
+must make the best of me."
+
+"But, child, what can I do when I'm taken?"
+
+"You must not be taken."
+
+"In that case," says I, "the only chance we have is to get away from
+here at once, furnished with the clothes we stand in, and the sum of
+twelve-pence halfpenny."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+LADY CYNTHIA CAREW
+
+Having come to this odd resolve, it behoved us to lose no time.  But
+whither we should go, neither of us knew.  North, south, east, or west,
+one latitude was as good as another.  We should be equally served in
+each.  As for the means at our disposal, we had the sum of twelve-pence
+halfpenny sterling.  I am sure that much the same thoughts were
+uppermost in the minds of us both, for the moment I looked at little
+Cynthia sitting on the couch with a tight mouth and ratter quizzical
+eyes, I broke forth into a shout of laughter, which she returned so
+promptly that it became a question as to whom the honour of the first
+peal belonged.
+
+In the midst of this pleasantry I walked to the door of the room and
+locked it again.  I had no mind to be taken unawares by the enemy; and
+provided I was not, François' example had shown that a way of escape
+was always open.
+
+"Now, my dear," says I, "we have no time to lose; let us be putting our
+few affairs in order.  Look round this despoiled chamber, and tell me
+if you observe any article in it that could be turned into money at a
+pawnshop, or is likely otherwise to serve us on our journey.  I am
+sorry to say that every object of _vertu_ that I ever possessed upon
+which we might at a pinch have raised a seven-shilling piece has
+already been called upon to perform that office.  There is one
+exception even to these, it is true, but that cannot help us now, and I
+rejoice to think so.  For five minutes before your arrival I gave away
+to a connoisseur, a dilettante, a lover of the beautiful, Sir Godfrey
+Kneller's picture of my famous grandfather.  I think I could never have
+held up my head again had I given up that eminent nobleman to the
+ignoble usages I have suggested.  I foresaw this calamity; let me take
+the credit therefore of its aversion."
+
+"You gave it away without receiving a farthing for it!" cries Cynthia
+aghast.  "Oh, what a folly, Jack!  Had we it now we could make thirty
+shillings of it at any dealer's."
+
+"I know, I know!" says I triumphantly, "I grant that; therefore do you
+not more clearly see how finely I have acted by my grandfather?"
+
+"Burn me if I do," says Cynthia.  "Jack, what a fool thou art!  For I
+see never a thing of value left in the place; or stay, we might put
+that pair of old iron pistols in a case and raise a loaf of bread on
+them.  I suppose that on the floor is the one with which you tried to
+take your life, and as the one other's cocked, I suppose that's loaded
+too."
+
+"Tried to take my life," says I.  "Cynthia, what words are these?"
+
+"A truce to dissimulation, if you please," says Cynthia tartly, "for
+feather-headed fellow that you are, yet do no better at it than any of
+the other arts and sciences at which you have tried and failed."
+
+I turned to the table and began sorting a handful of cards to cover my
+confusion.  A clever woman is the devil!  Cynthia, to add a sting to
+her speech, picked up the discharged pistol from the carpet,
+ostentatiously searched for its case, and put it in.  She then took up
+the other.
+
+"Is this loaded, or is it not?" she asked.
+
+"No, it's not loaded," says I.  "Pull down the trigger and put it in
+too."
+
+"Then, if it's not loaded, why was it cocked?"  The question was
+decidedly disconcerting.  I was by no means willing to go into the
+details of that matter, and therefore hesitated to find a reason.
+
+"You don't know whether it's loaded or not," says Cynthia, sternly.
+
+"Most certainly I do.  Have I not said that it is not loaded?"
+
+"And have I not said," says the impudent Cynthia, "that you don't know
+whether it's loaded or not?"
+
+"But, my dear child," says I, "have I not positively said that the
+thing's not loaded?"
+
+"Oh yes, I admit that," says the provoking creature.  "But you must
+admit too, sir, that I have more faith in my own judgment than I have
+in yours.  I say again that you don't know whether that pistol is
+loaded or whether it is not."
+
+"I'll lay you two to one in hundreds that I do," says I hotly.
+
+"Would not a case of iron pistols against the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny be more appropriate in the circumstances?" says Cynthia.
+
+"I believe you are right there," says I.
+
+Cynthia then presented the pistol at the wall and a strange thing
+happened.  The room was filled with a reverberating crash, and when the
+smoke that arose had lifted a little it was discovered that a large
+mirror had been shivered into a thousand pieces.
+
+"There," says Cynthia triumphantly.
+
+As for me, I stood aghast for a moment, perfectly at a loss to explain
+the pistol's strange behaviour.  Then I suddenly broke out into a fit
+of uncontrollable laughter; the admirable François had loaded them both.
+
+It was then the turn of Cynthia to stand aghast.
+
+"I hope your misfortunes have not deprived you of your reason," says
+she, more tartly than ever; and added, "I knew all along that you
+didn't know whether it was loaded or not."
+
+"Come, come!" says I, keenly anxious, you may be sure, to change the
+topic.  "We have already tarried here over-long.  I will tell you the
+whole story in a more convenient place and season.  If we don't go at
+once, I am afraid we shall not go at all."
+
+"True," says Cynthia, seating herself again on the couch with the most
+deliberate and provoking coolness.
+
+"What new whimsey is this?" says I, utterly nonplussed.
+
+"I think, my Lord Tiverton," says Cynthia, with remarkable gravity,
+"that you have overlooked an important particular."
+
+"Which?  What?" says I.
+
+"Nay, my lord," says she, "I am the last person in the world to remind
+you."
+
+That might be true enough so far as it went, but the pretty roguish
+chit composed her features and her person into such an affectation of
+solemnity, and there was such a saucy twinkle in her eyes too, that all
+the words in the English tongue could not have spoken more plainly than
+she did without uttering any.  It is, I suppose, one of the highest
+gifts of her sex, though to be sure, would it were exercised more!
+
+"Dammy," says I, "you mean--er--er; you mean that I must ask you to
+marry me."
+
+Instead of replying at once, she bent down and picked up half-a-dozen
+cards from the floor, arranged them in the shape of a fan, and held
+them in front of her eyes.
+
+"La," says she, "your lordship is too kind.  Pray ascribe my blushes to
+my country breeding."
+
+"Pah!" says I, "we have not the time for play-acting now.  The moment
+is very ill-chosen."
+
+"Oh, I grant you that," says she, "but as you will allow that it was
+none of my choosing, why should I forego the peculiar privileges that
+my sex have ever derived from this position?  No, as I'm a woman, I
+will have this thing carried through in the most proper and approved
+manner.  Ods lud, sir! what notions have you got!  I will be coy if I
+choose, or haughty, or easy, or gracious, or mocking, or disdainful,
+just as my mood is and as I've a mind to be.  Now then, my lord, down
+on to your noble knees, and pour forth your foolish speeches that are
+meant to be so grand, which you must forget in the middle, whereon you
+will descend out of a rather turgid poetry into a bald and somewhat
+blasphemous prose.  For I will have your lordship to know that I will
+be wooed as a woman, else I will not be wooed at all.  Down, down on to
+your knees, my lord, and up, up with your apostrophes."
+
+"What a consummate folly is this," says I, "when at any moment we may
+be ta'en."
+
+But the pretty little fool sat as demure as a mouse, not relaxing a lip
+or twitching an eyebrow, i' faith as adorable a picture of a person as
+any I've seen off a painted canvas.  There was that tantalizing air
+about her which at once invited, yet forbade; that aroused that which
+it denied.  I vow nothing could have been more taking than the sight of
+little Cynthia sitting there as straight as any arrow that ever Cupid
+shot, her knees and heels together, and her hands spread out with the
+palms turned down, and her dainty toes peeping from underneath her
+petticoat.  Indeed, so was I worked on by her graces and airs that I
+was like to forget the grim pass in which we were involved.  Nay, I
+gradually began to solicit her in a formal manner; a piece of behaviour
+that contributed as much to her whimsical pleasure as it did to my
+embarrassment.  And when in accents of undying regard, I came to ask
+for her hand in exchange for my heart and fortune, she was so charmed
+with the natural fervour with which I did it, that she stopped me
+imperiously, in the middle of much passion, and says: "I would have
+your lordship go over again that splendid passage that you have just
+uttered, that hath the fine swearing and the great humility in it.  I
+never heard anything choicer; Mr. Betterton never surpassed it."
+
+And when I had humoured her as much as she wished and that was not
+until I was thirsty and hot, and she was somewhat weary of keeping the
+strict attitude that she thought best suited to receive my addresses
+in, says she: "I declare, sir, you have pleased me vastly.  You are as
+good a suitor as any of them all.  Mr. Waring never wooed me half so
+well.  As for Mr. Stokes, and Colonel Regan, and Sir John Dufty, and my
+lord Viscount Brighouse, you compare very well with them too.  You have
+not the fine brawny pease-and-bacon appearance of Sir John, it is true,
+nor is your voice so rich and noble as the Colonel's, begorra, nor is
+your nose so well curved as Mr. Stoke's, nor have you a pretty little
+lisp like my lord Viscount, but in the sum-total of your attributes you
+do very fairly well.  And therefore as your lordship's fortune is so
+considerable, and you have already gained the approbation of my father,
+I think the only course open to me--Oh, Jack, listen!  What in the name
+of heaven is that?"
+
+"You may well ask," says I.  "One, two, three, four, five probably or
+more, according to their boots on the stairs, gentlemen from Bow Street
+come to wait upon us."
+
+"Oh, what shall we do!" says poor Cynthia, clapping her hands.
+
+"Keep very calm, child, and carefully heed what I say.  They will not
+molest you; I am their game.  But I doubt gravely whether I shall fall
+to them at present.  My way lies through that window and along the
+tiles, and whilst they follow, you will simply go downstairs and walk
+out at the front door.  Go as swiftly as you can down to Piccadilly to
+the gates of Hyde Park.  And if I am not already come there before you,
+wait till I arrive.  It is to be considered, of course, that I may have
+more difficulty than I apprehend in slipping these fellows."
+
+Here the door was roughly taken and the next instant so heavy a blow
+was delivered against it as partly drove in one of the panels.  I had
+just time to run into the adjoining chamber for a hat and a
+riding-cloak, to plant a kiss between brave little Cynthia's brows, and
+abjure her not to be afraid, when the door was driven in, and three or
+four ugly wretches came tumbling one upon another pell-mell into the
+room.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW
+
+I had hardly time to open the window ere they were recovered of their
+entry and on their feet.  Seeing what I was about to attempt they made
+a rush, but I did not bear youth and vigour in my limbs for nothing.
+With a quickness that I'll warrant would have done no discredit to a
+cat, I had poised myself on the precarious sill, and had twisted myself
+into a favourable position for reaching the roof.  It was easily in
+reach, as this chamber very happily was at the top of the house.  I had
+barely taken a firm hold on the iron gutter that ran along the edge of
+the tiles, before I had drawn up one knee, and was in the act of
+dragging up the other as fast as I could, when it was seized by a hand
+from the room below.  Luckily for me, I had a firm enough hold of the
+roof to get some little purchase for my imprisoned leg, whereby I was
+enabled to deal my adversary a pretty smart kick in the teeth, which
+sent him cursing back into the room.  Thereupon I scrambled
+willy-nilly, hands and knees, on to the tiles.  Not one moment too
+soon, however.  My pursuers evidently numbered fleet and active fellows
+among them.  Their blood was up too.  For scarcely had I gone ten yards
+along the edge of the tiles, moving on all-fours for safety, ere
+another fellow was also in possession of the roof.  This was not at all
+to my liking, and a good deal outside my calculations, since I had not
+expected that these clumsy Bow Street runners would attempt to follow
+me in this fashion.
+
+My pursuer gave a view-halloa and followed me so fast that I realized
+at once that at this game Jack was like to be as good as his master.
+Perchance the fellow was better schooled in this mode of procedure than
+I, for he was clattering behind me, preparing to grab my heels before I
+could take my bearings.  I did not know where I was, and had not the
+least idea as to how I should get away.  But one thing was plain.  I
+had embarked on so bold a course that the moment there was a limit to
+my daring all would be lost.  Therefore, hearing the Bow Street
+gentleman wheezing and grunting a yard or two behind me, I stopped and
+rose to my feet, and turned round so suddenly as considerably to
+endanger my own safety and to take him entirely unawares.  And I sent
+my fist such a crack in his eye, that only a miracle saved him from
+toppling over the parapet into the middle of Jermyn Street, twenty feet
+beneath.
+
+While Mr. Catchpole sprawled and wallowed with his arms and legs
+outstretched striving to save himself from falling over the brink, and
+howling to his mates, whose heads were just showing above the gutter,
+to come to his assistance, I took the occasion to alter my tactics.
+Instead of crawling along the edge, I began climbing up in a vertical
+direction.  And my pursuer being but a runner from Bow Street after
+all, had been considerably cooled in his zeal, and accordingly allowed
+me rather more of elbow room, whilst his companions, of whom two more
+had now come upon the top, observing the nature of his accident, were
+in no such hurry as he had been to come by one themselves.
+
+I mounted painfully enough as high as the chimney pots, not without
+some damage to the skin of my hands and knees, and a good deal of
+slipping and sliding.  A game of hide-and-seek followed.  Reaching the
+opposite slope of the roofs, which concealed me and put me farthest
+away from the enemy, I crept as swiftly as I could from chimney-stack
+to chimney-stack with ever a keen eye for a means of getting down again
+into the street.  Some yards ahead I saw that the straight line of the
+tiles was broken by a dormer window.  I made to this for here was the
+very chance that I desired.  Alas! when I reached it I found it secured
+from within.  I had no time in which to break a pane of glass in the
+hope that I might put my hand through and discover the fastenings.  A
+couple of the traps had already found out in which direction I had
+gone, and were even now standing on the apex, and beckoning to the
+others.  I moved away to another dormer window a few yards further on.
+It too was fast, but looking ahead I saw, greatly to my relief, that a
+third was standing open.  My satisfaction had a short life, however.
+For scarcely had I made two yards towards it ere I observed a thing
+that in my haste I had overlooked.  The line of the houses ended
+abruptly; the open window belonged to another row.  Between ran an
+alley or a narrow street, wide enough to make me pause in my career.
+Hard pressed as I was, I must confess that I had no fancy to attempt a
+leap so precarious.  I turned to go back, but the enemy had followed so
+smartly on my heels that I saw in a glance that there was no chance of
+retreating by the way I had come.  My only hope lay in a forward
+direction; I could not possibly retire.  Nor must I hesitate an instant
+either.  The closer I came to this gulf in the houses the more
+desperate it looked, but my resolve was already taken.  A drowning man
+clutches at a straw.
+
+Impeded as I was with a cumbersome riding-coat, I could not hope to
+make the leap successfully.  Hastily pulling it off, therefore, I
+folded it up in some rude fashion, for I could not afford to lose it,
+and pitched it over a space between the houses.  It landed in safety
+well over the immediate brink.  The traps, apprehending the nature of
+the feat I was about to attempt, were coming along the roof with
+wonderful expedition.  Indeed, they are almost within an arm's-length
+of me when I started on the run to make the leap.  With teeth set, and
+it must be confessed some little sickness of anticipation in my spirit,
+I ran as hard as I could, and hurled myself into the air with a
+despairing energy.  That I covered the gulf and landed with my knees on
+the coat I had cast across, I have always ascribed to that benevolent
+Providence that hath such a jealous regard for the worthless.  And in
+sooth when I had actually arrived there it was one of the greatest
+wonders in the world that I did not fall back again in the recoil, or
+did not begin to roll sideways and so tumble over the lower edge.  But
+somehow I recovered my balance before either of these calamities
+happened.  Then I felt that I might breathe again.
+
+There was precious little to fear that the men from Bow Street would be
+bold enough to follow me.  For when I came to contemplate, now as you
+may believe with no little satisfaction, the magnitude of the hazard
+intervening between us, it cost me a shudder in despite of my
+complacency.  And as in their case it was not a life and death matter
+on which line of the roofs they happened to stand, and they had no
+thoughts of adorable little Cynthia to spur them on to these great
+risks, I think they may be pardoned for giving back before that which I
+with so many sweats and misgivings had accomplished.  Nor do I lay any
+unction to myself, since I am sure that had I stood in their shoes, or
+had I played for a lesser stake, I would have had none of such risks
+either.  Nay, I am not altogether clear in my mind that had I not been
+heated by the fine excitements of the hue and cry I should have been
+wrought up to do it as it was.  There can be little doubt, I think,
+that the chase makes a much nobler and more adventurous creature of the
+fox than ever consists with his vulgar and common character.
+
+Seeing my pursuers had halted on the opposite brink, and were
+presenting such a helpless and bewildered appearance as plainly showed
+they had no stomach for a similar deed, I was able to resume my riding
+coat at my ease, and even to engage in a few words of conversation as I
+did so.  Says I:
+
+"Certainly, gentlemen, I think you are well advised in not seeking to
+come over.  'Pon my soul I would not have come over myself had you not
+pressed me so hard!  Here is a guinea to drink my health, and now I
+will wish you good afternoon!"
+
+Such is the power of habit that I fumbled in several pockets in search
+of a gold piece to toss them, ere I recollected the bankrupt condition
+in which I stood.  Perforce I had to be content with a bow and a
+lifting of the hat, whereupon I went my way along the roof while they
+were left at the end of their wits to discover a means by which they
+might circumvent me.
+
+I had not an instant of time to lose, however, if I was to make good my
+escape.  There were doubtless persons in the street below who had had a
+keen eye for these proceedings.  No sooner would they see in which
+direction the cat was to jump than they would act accordingly.
+Therefore it behoved me to be as bold and as quick as ever.  The open
+dormer window offered the readiest mode of egress.  I made to it at
+once, and peering within saw that the chamber, a bedroom, was very
+happily empty.  I had no difficulty in squeezing my body through the
+narrow opening and so came into the room.  Having done this, I securely
+fastened the window to present a further obstacle to my enemies.  The
+great thing that lay before me now was to make my way downstairs as
+cautiously as I could, and to slip out of the house without attracting
+the attention of its occupants, or of those of my foes who might be
+lurking about in the street.  But much address was required to perform
+all this successfully, as you will readily understand.
+
+First I opened the door of the bed-chamber with noiseless care, and
+then groped my way through the gloom and strangeness of the place to
+the stairs.  And mighty rickety and full of noises they were when I
+found them.  They began so sheer and abruptly, and so close to the
+bed-room door, that in spite of my caution, I was on them long ere I
+thought I was, and as a consequence nearly pitched headlong down their
+whole length.  Mercifully I recovered my balance in the nick of time,
+but not before, as it seemed to my nervous ears, I had set up an
+intolerable clatter that appeared to echo and re-echo through every
+room of the house.  Step by step, I crept down the stairs, and paused
+to listen on every one.  It was so dark that I had to be very tenacious
+of the walls.  But fortune was still on my side.  There seemed not a
+soul in all the house, nor could I hear a sound.  Yet every step I
+descended the place grew darker and darker; there was not so much as a
+glimmer of light from a door or a window to be discerned; while the
+walls were so close about me that when I stretched out my hands I could
+feel them on either side.  Presently I ceased to descend, whereon much
+shuffling of my feet ensued, and I concluded that this was some kind of
+a landing.  More shuffling and gingerly manoeuvring followed, and then
+the stairs began again, and the place grew darker than ever.  The
+darkness became so great that I could not see my hand before my face;
+and as I had not the means about me to procure a light, nor would have
+dared to employ them had they been in my possession, I began to marvel
+where in the world I was coming to.
+
+At last the stairs ended altogether, and on pushing carefully forward,
+my nose suddenly came against an unexpected obstacle.  Running my hands
+over it, I judged it to be a door.  I put my ear to the wood, but
+listen as I might I could hear no sound.  Whither it led or what lay
+behind it I had not the vaguest notion, nor was there a speck of light
+by which I might make a guess.  But when the handle of the door came
+into my fist, I decided not to flinch the situation whatever it might
+present.  A bold course had been my salvation hitherto; come what might
+I would continue in it.  Therefore, I cautiously turned the handle, and
+opened the door an inch at a time, I daresay I had got it about five
+inches apart when it was rudely grasped from the other side, and flung
+wide open in my face.  A Jew stood before me, as true a child of Israel
+as ever I set eyes on.  He cast up his hands and gurgled in his anger
+and surprise.
+
+"Why, what the deffil!" says he at last.
+
+"How do you do, sir," says I, cordially holding out my hand.  "Proud to
+meet you, sir, infernally proud to meet you."
+
+Although I had hoped that my air and tone were the very pattern of
+affability, I doubt if this Hebrew thought them so; or even if he did,
+he hardly seemed to think they became me in the circumstances as
+handsomely as I had hoped they would.  For he gurgled and cackled, his
+tawny countenance grew redder and redder, his hands trembled, and he
+contorted his body into a truly fantastic shape.  Meantime I gazed past
+him to see whence he had emerged, in the hope that I might get some
+clue as to what would be the best line of conduct to adopt.  To my
+infinite pleasure I saw that I had come upon the threshold of a
+pawnbroker's shop, since a truly miscellaneous collection of articles
+lay scattered about it, whilst the character and nation of my
+inquisitor alone warranted the theory.  Yet in an instant was my
+satisfaction turned to anger, for there, staring into my very eyes with
+all the meditative grandeur he had of yore, was that learned nobleman,
+my grandfather.  It was well for M. François that he was not at that
+moment within my reach.
+
+"What do you do here?" says the Jew, having discovered his tongue at
+last.  "Do you think I do not know?  You haf come to rob my house.
+Benjamin, bring your blunderbush.  In broad daylight, too.  O heaven,
+what effrontery!"
+
+"My dear Mr. Moses," says I winningly, "what words are these?
+Effrontery--rob your house; to conceive that I, the best friend your
+tribe ever had or for that matter ever will have, should be thus
+accosted by you!  I am here as a client, sir; and to conceive that you
+of all men should deny a client when he takes these monstrous pains to
+come to you in privacy!"
+
+Mr. Moses was a good deal reassured by my address.  But after all his
+race are a good deal too tenacious to be put off so lightly.  He
+demanded to know in what manner I had come there and he did it so
+boisterously too, and in a fashion so calculated to attract the
+attention of persons in the street that I judged it wisest to make a
+clean breast of how matters stood with me.
+
+"Well, Mr. Moses," says I, "if you must know I am that great benefactor
+of your tribe, Lord Tiverton.  My lodgings are about six doors up the
+street, and they have been visited this afternoon by the dirtiest set
+of minions from Bow Street as ever I saw.  And so hard was I put to it
+to clear them that I took to the housetops, whereupon, seeing your
+dormer window open, I gave them the slip by climbing into it, and here
+I am.  And mark you, my dear Mr. Moses, I would not so honour the
+dormer windows of all and sundry, no, rabbit me an I would.  For I am
+mighty particular as to whose hands I would accept an obligation from.
+But if a friend cannot take a benefaction from a friend, then who in
+all the world is one to take it from?  As Flaccus himself has said."
+
+Mr. Moses, you may be sure, was mollified indeed.
+
+"I am sure I beg your lordship's pardon," says he.  "A thousand times
+most humbly I am sure I do.  Benjamin, put by your blunderbush; and
+withdraw the curtains across the window, sirrah, for I have seen the
+traps walking up and down the street, and peering here and there and
+everywhere this last ten minutes; yes, that I have.  Is there any
+particular in which I can serve your lordship?"
+
+"Yes, by thunder, that you can!" says I.  "I must get away from here
+unknown as quickly as you might count ten.  The traps are still about
+in the street you say?"
+
+"See, my lord, there is one going past the window now."
+
+As he spoke I took the precaution of drawing farther back into the
+shadow of the stairs, for it was even as he said.  The next instant Mr.
+Moses pushed the door to in my face, and as he did so, wheeled round to
+confront (as I guessed) two or three of the traps who were coming into
+the shop.
+
+"A sheeny, by the Lord!" I heard one say, in a voice so coarse that it
+set my teeth on edge.
+
+"What is your pleasure, good gentlemans?" says Mr. Moses in a tone of
+incredible politeness.  "If I, a poor old clo'es-dealer as I am, can be
+of service to you, I cannot tell you how happy you will make me."
+
+"Well, ole Father Abraham," says the foremost man, "we're on the 'eels
+of a hearl, d'ye see.  We've been a-chasing of him on the 'ouse-tops,
+we have so, and he's just a-been a-squeedgin' of himself through your
+dormer window, and he's left us in the lurch, d'ye see.  He's in your
+bed-room, you can wager, and we're a-going up to rout him out."
+
+"Is he so?" says Mr. Moses.  "God-a-mercy! is it possible?  Benjamin,
+get your blunderbush, and go and bring him down."
+
+I was so charmed with the comedy that was being played, that at some
+little risk I had opened just a small crevice in the door, in order
+that I might peer through upon the actors.  Benjamin, a youth about as
+tall as the counter, but wonderfully keen and sharp of feature, put
+himself in possession of an antiquated fire-arm, probably the most
+obsolete weapon ever handed down from early times.
+
+"Be damned to Benjamin," says the man from Bow Street, "and be damned
+to his blunderbush; we're a-going up to look ourselves."
+
+"And wherefore, gentlemans," says Moses in a tone like silk, it was so
+soft, "should Benjamin and his blunderbush be damned?  Benjamin is a
+good boy, and his blunderbush is a good weapon.  If this earl is in my
+chamber, depend upon it one or the other shall bring him down."
+
+"No; we'll go up ourselves, ole Shylock," says the other, "for this
+hearl is so full of hell, that as likely as not he'd beat Benjamin to
+death with his own blunderbush, crikey-likey! he would so."
+
+"Nay, that he would not," says Mr. Moses, "for Benjamin would blow the
+heart out of him, if he but advanced one step upon him."
+
+Mr. Moses was evidently a master of fence, and determined as my enemies
+might show themselves, they could make nothing of his subtle, cringing
+ways.  They might have excellent reasons for overhauling the house, and
+going upstairs, as indeed they had, yet they had not the wit to enforce
+them.  For every additional argument he had a new excuse to advance,
+which at least if it contributed nothing whatever to the case in point,
+yet served to obscure the issue and to distract and confound those
+concerned in it.  It was truly remarkable how he managed to lure and
+cheat them with the most specious words that could mean nothing
+whatever; and yet at the same time, and therein lay his art, they
+listened to him and never once seemed to doubt his sincerity.  And it
+seemed too that this cunning Hebrew had something of a trump card to
+play, and this he had reserved for the last.
+
+"An earl did ye say, sirs?" says he, with a vast air of reflection.
+"It could not have been by any chance the Earl of Tiverton?"
+
+"Yes, by thunder," they cried together, "the man himself."
+
+"Well now, I call that whimsical," says he, "seeing as how I see his
+lordship running at the top of his legs past this window not five
+minutes before you came here."
+
+"You did that," says one of my enemies, "then why in thunder couldn't
+you say so before, instead o' keepin' us argle-hargling here, you piece
+o' pork, you hedge-pig!"
+
+With a stream of oaths and vituperation they tumbled out into the
+street, whilst Mr. Moses, with his hands outspread and a cringing,
+shrugging, smiling yet deprecating aspect, looked the picture of a
+highly ingenuous bewilderment.  No sooner had they passed away in the
+hot pursuit of some phantom of myself, than Mr. Moses opened the door
+he had pushed so lately upon me, and informed me that the immediate
+danger was overpast.  He waved away the thanks I offered him, with a
+great deal of politeness, assuring me that he was more than repaid by
+the happiness he took for having been of some slight service to so fine
+a specimen of the nobility as myself.
+
+"But if there is any leetle thing in the way of pizness," says he, "I
+am the man, your lordship."
+
+"Yes, Mr. Moses, I have been thinking of it," says I, and indeed I had.
+"Now you see I am very tolerably attired."  I unbuttoned my riding-coat
+and threw it open to display as elegant a costume as ever I had from
+Tracy.  "Unhappily I have not a guinea in the world"--let me do Mr.
+Moses the justice of recording that in the face of this announcement he
+retained his countenance wonderfully well.--"But I will barter
+breeches, coat, waistcoat, ruffles, stockings, buckled shoes, for a
+plain drab shoddy suit, some common hose, and a pair of hob-nailed
+boots.  By this exchange I think we shall both be gratified; you on
+your side by receiving things of about twelve times the value of what
+you give away; and I on mine by obtaining a tolerable disguise to my
+condition when I start on my itinerary, for I hardly think I should
+recognize myself in such a uniform, whilst as for my mamma, dear
+sainted buckram lady! if at the end of all the journeying that is
+before me I come before the gates of Heaven in it, she will hold a
+bottle of vinegar before her fine-cut nose, and say _c'est un faux
+pas!_ and get me denied the _entrée_.  She will ecod! for I would have
+you to know, my dear Mr. Moses, I am of a devilish stiff-backed family.
+Look at my grandfather.  What a majestical old gentleman it is, even as
+in his declining years he takes his ease in his pop-shop, with
+christening mugs and dirty candlesticks about him on the one hand, and
+saving your presence, Mr. Moses, a Jew dealer on the other.  But there,
+my good fellow, we will not talk about it."
+
+Mr. Moses, seeing his advantage in this proposal--indeed he was so
+excellent a fellow that had he not done so, I do not doubt he would
+still have tried to accommodate me--fully entered into this idea, and
+did his best to fish this chaste wardrobe out of the varied contents of
+his shop.  Indeed such hidden stores did it contain, that after the
+contents of divers boxes, and cupboards, and back parlours, and
+mysterious receptacles had been examined, the necessary articles were
+forthcoming, and I was shown into one of the chambers leading from the
+shop, in order to effect this change in my attire.
+
+It would have made you laugh to see the figure I cut--my snuff-coloured
+coat and pantaloons, fitting in most places where they touched, gave me
+such a rustical appearance that an ostler or a tapster became a
+gentleman by the comparison.  The hose was rather better, however, but
+the boots were not only the thickest and clumsiest as ever I saw, but
+were much too big into the bargain.  A hat was also found for me that
+matched very well indeed with this startling change in my condition;
+and a thick, coarse brown cover-all in lieu of the smart riding-coat I
+had set out with.  Mr. Moses certainly had as good a bargain as he
+could have wished, but certainly not a better one than his merits
+deserved; whilst I had come by the most effectual disguise to my
+station, and one well calculated to mislead Sheriff's officers and Bow
+Street runners, for in all my extended experience of the tribe they
+have ever been clumsy fellows, blind of eye and thick of understanding,
+incapable of seeing beyond the noses on their faces.  With mutual
+respect and pleasure, therefore, and many pious hopes for the welfare
+of my grandfather, whom I was moved to say could not have been left in
+more worthy hands, I took my leave of Mr. Moses.  And seeing he was a
+Jew, I must say that he was the best conditioned Jew as ever I met.
+
+I took my way very cautiously on leaving the shop of my friend the
+Hebrew.  At first I kept well in the shadow of the houses and peered
+carefully about.  My enemies, however, appeared to be still away on the
+false scent.  The twilight of the autumn afternoon was gathering in as
+I pursued my way towards little Cynthia.  She was to have met me at the
+gates of Hyde Park nearly an hour ago.  As I turned into Piccadilly
+without meeting with a sign of my enemies, for no reason whatever I was
+suddenly stabbed with the pain of a most bitter speculation.  Suppose
+my little Cynthia was not there to meet me after all!  Suppose I had
+tarried so long that, fearing I was taken, she had gone from the
+rendezvous!  Suppose something unforeseen and mysterious had befallen
+her, as such accidents occasionally do!  In a flash I realized how
+dear, how inexpressibly dear she was to me.  If aught bereft me of her
+now, she, the one friend I had, the one creature who believed in me,
+worthless ruined fellow as I was, the one person who would dare to
+stand at my side and face the sneers and the scorn of the world, life
+would indeed have no savour left in it.  I should neither have the
+heart nor the desire to continue in that which would become a burden
+and a mockery.  And in sooth so did this terrible thought take hold of
+me, that a kind of fatality came upon me.  I began to have a sense of
+foreboding, as they say one may have in a dream; I felt the blood grow
+slow and thin in my limbs; I was taken with a cold shivering; and my
+spirit flagged so low that I would have wagered a kingdom at that
+moment that some dire circumstance had happened to my love, and even
+more particularly to me.
+
+In the very height of this fever of insane fears, I came to the end of
+Piccadilly, and there in the increasing gloom of the evening were the
+gates of Hyde Park.  And there too, like a sentinel on guard, so proud
+and strict she was of outline, was my little Cynthia.  She stood there
+all unconscious of the fact that the simple sight of her was enough in
+itself to reconcile a ruined man to his empty life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE
+
+All the way I had come I had heightened my disguise by mouching along
+with my hat low down over my eyes, the collar of my coat turned up to
+my ears, and my hands stuck deep in my pockets.  And so effectual was
+this mode, that though Cynthia was awaiting me in fear and impatience,
+I had walked right up to her and taken her by the arm ere she knew I
+was so near.
+
+"Oh, Jack," she sobbed, "I--I am so glad.  S--something s--seemed to
+tell me that you would never return.  I was certain you were ta'en, and
+that I should never see you again, except between the iron bars of a
+prison."
+
+I kissed her.
+
+"Foolish child," says I, with dignified forgetfulness, "to entertain
+such silly fears.  Alas, you women, that you should give way to
+weaknesses of this sort!  What would you say of us men now, if we were
+so easily afflicted?"
+
+It was fine the way in which I wielded my advantage, and clearly showed
+to the shrinking little creature how ill the poor weak female character
+compared with the hardy, resolute male.  But as this instance goes to
+show, I do not really think that the masculine character is so much
+sterner than the feminine; for is not its pre-eminence largely a matter
+of assumption?  A man scorns and conceals the weaknesses a woman
+flaunts and cherishes.
+
+The twilight was deepening rapidly and giving way to an evening of
+heavy clouds and rainy wind, when arm-in-arm we started to walk we knew
+not where.  We started to walk into the night and the country places,
+away from our enemies, and from those who would sever or deter us.  We
+had not the faintest idea as to the place we were bound for.  One spot
+was as good as another.  Involuntarily we turned into the park,
+although we knew not why we should.  But I suppose we felt that every
+step we took into this mysterious nowhere of our destination, we were
+leaving the law behind, and that together, friendless and resourceless,
+but ever hand-in-hand, we were beginning our lives anew.
+
+We moved away at a brisk round pace, possessed with the thought of
+putting a long distance between us and our foes.  And in the pleasure
+of having come together again we walked lightly and easily for long
+enough, not heeding the way, nor the wind, nor the threat of the
+rainclouds and the dark evening.  We rejoiced in the exquisite sense of
+our comradeship, and in the thought that every step we took together
+was a contribution to our freedom.  We came out of the park again, and
+went on and on, past the houses of Kensington, and then past straggling
+and remoter places, the names of which I did not know.
+
+In a surprisingly little while, as it seemed to us, sunk in the
+obsession of our companionship, we were groping in the unlit darkness
+of the country lanes, with the lights of the town we had left fading
+away behind us.  But we must have been walking considerably more than
+two hours, and at a smart pace, to judge by the distance we had made.
+It was then that I pressed Cynthia's hand and says:
+
+"Are you not tired, little one?"
+
+"Nay," says she, "my feet are slipping by so light, I do not know that
+I am walking.  I could journey on all night in this way."
+
+I was vastly gratified by this brave speech.  But for myself, although
+I too had no weariness, and to be sure I could not have confessed to it
+if I had, I was yet being bitten very severely by the pangs of hunger.
+All day I had taken nothing beyond a glass or two of wine.  Therefore I
+now felt a pressing need.
+
+"At least," says I, "I hope you are hungry?"
+
+"Well, since you mention it," says she, "I think I am."
+
+"That is well," says I, "for I am most abominably so.  I believe I
+never was so hungry in my life before; and I am sure I never had
+scantier means of appeasing it.  Only conceive of twelvepence halfpenny
+to the two of us for our board and lodging."
+
+It now became our business to find an inn of the meaner sort, in which
+we might invest this munificent sum.  But as we had long since left the
+bricks and mortar of the town behind, a house for our entertainment was
+not so easily come by.
+
+We walked on and on, but still no welcome inn appeared; and presently
+the lamps of the great city itself had vanished, till we were left in
+the utter darkness of the country lanes.  There was no evidence of a
+human habitation anywhere about, and we knew not where we were.
+
+By this time both of us were tired as well as most bitterly hungry.
+Poor little Cynthia hung so heavily on my arm, that I knew fatigue had
+mastered her.  Yet so brave she was, that despite all the pains and
+difficulties she endured, she would not admit that she was weary.
+Indeed, when I asked her to confess it, says she: "Nay, not I," as
+stoutly as she would have done three hours before.  Yet when we came to
+a bank of earth beside the way, and I bade her rest upon it for a
+little while she could raise no very great objection.
+
+I suppose two persons could never have taken their repose with more
+singular feelings than did we upon that bank of earth.  Whither we were
+going that night, and what was to become of us we did not know.  There
+was the sum of twelvepence halfpenny between us and destitution, but
+even this could not avail us in such a solitary darkness, in the
+absence of a house and human aid.  Happily the night was wonderfully
+mild, and we in our coats and stout boots were warmly clad.  Otherwise
+we might have perished where we sat.  The pains of fatigue, allied to
+the pangs of hunger, had bereft us of both the energy and the
+inclination to proceed.  We must have tarried on that bank considerably
+beyond an hour, mutually consoling one another.  For my part little
+Cynthia's courage almost reconciled me to these present circumstances,
+but you may be sure I was bitterly distressed for her.  I had admitted
+her into my care, foolishly no doubt, and because there was scarcely an
+alternative; and this was the sort of provision I had to offer.  Come
+what may, something must be done.  The child could never be left to
+suffer thus.  I must find food and a sanctuary of some sort for her.
+
+However, even as I pondered on our case, hunger and weariness did their
+worst.
+
+For some time I had known by Cynthia's failing answers and the
+heaviness with which she leant against me, that she was becoming more
+and more completely overborne.  And I'll swear so monstrous brave she
+was that never a word of complaint passed her lips, nor yet a tear
+escaped her.  And then her little head nestled up to my coat-sleeve,
+and the next moment she sighed and was dead asleep upon it.  In spite
+of her resolution, the excitements, the distresses and the pains of
+that long day had overpowered her.  Yet I dare not have her pass the
+night in this exposure on a moist bank of earth, with the night-wind
+playing on her face, and the clouds that had banked themselves over the
+moon for ever increasing and threatening to descend upon us in a
+drenching rain.  Therefore, dire as my own case was, I roused myself to
+a desperate attempt to discover a meal and a lodging for the night.
+
+I had not the heart to try to arouse the poor child, as you may
+suppose; wherefore, disturbing her as little as I could, I gathered her
+in my arms, for after all her fine spirit she was but a feather of a
+thing, and carried her before me along the lane.  It was an effort of
+despair, for the never-ending darkness revealed no glimpse of what I
+sought.  Every now and then the wind brought a spatter of the expected
+rain; but this, when it came upon my lips, carried a kind of
+refreshment in it.  I doggedly set my teeth and marched along with my
+warm burden, and I think the weight of responsibility that was in my
+arms, added to the one upon my heart, fostered a grim determination in
+me to succeed in my search at any cost.  The lanes seemed interminable,
+and every one the same.  All my limbs were one strange, numb ache; I
+had become so faint with hunger that I moved in a kind of delirium; and
+in the end every step I took became so mechanical a thing as to be an
+effort of the will without the co-operation of the senses.
+
+Heaven knows what the hour was when one of these lanes I had been
+eternally taking all night long ended in a partly-unhinged gate.  My
+first instinct was to snatch an instant's rest upon it; but this I
+dared not do.  I could never have set my paralysed limbs in motion
+again had I done so.  Indeed it was but the presence of poor little
+Cynthia in my arms that prevented my sinking to the earth as I stood.
+But looking beyond the gate I could indistinctly define various dull
+masses that I believed to be the outline of haystacks or farm
+buildings.  Brushing through the rickety gate with an accession of new
+strength that the idea had lent me, I had not proceeded many yards in
+the stubble-field beyond ere I knew that at last I had come to a
+farmstead.  There was not a glimmer of light to be seen anywhere, nor
+could I make out in the total darkness which was the house itself.
+Approaching nearer it grew plain that these were farm buildings.
+Considering, however, my exhausted condition, the lateness of the hour,
+and the probability that the house was some distance off, I decided to
+make the best of what lay before me.  No sooner had I taken this
+resolve, than the moon, as if in recognition of it, showed itself
+suddenly for the first time that night from out of its wrack of rain
+clouds.  By its aid and the smell issuing from within I was made aware
+that I stood before the entrance to a cow-hovel.
+
+There was no door to it, therefore I was able to carry Cynthia straight
+in.  The cows in their various stalls paid us hardly any attention as I
+groped my way past them.  The place was of a somewhat considerable
+extent, and coming to the end of it, I discovered a space in the far
+corner where the clean straw was stored.  Dispersing a bundle of it
+with my feet, I deposited my poor little one very gently into the warm
+bed thereby made.  Careful as I had been not to disturb her, the change
+in her position had its effect.  She gave the same sigh with which she
+had gone to sleep, and says:
+
+"Jack, Jack, where are you?  I do believe I've been to sleep."
+
+"Then go to sleep again, my prettiness," says I.
+
+"But what is this?" says she.  "This is surely not the bank of moist
+earth in the lane I went to sleep on.  Where are we then?  What place
+is this so warm and snug?"  A rustle.  "Straw!"  A sniff.  "A cow-shed!
+Oh dear, I am----!  Oh, could we----! and, oh, Jack, dear, how did we
+get here?"
+
+The sound of Cynthia's voice and the knowledge that there was a roof
+for her head and a couch for her body at last, however mean they might
+be, did much to lift me out of my own sorry predicament.  Faint and
+numb as I still was, my brain seemed to have its capacity restored.
+And at least I could gauge by my own sufferings those which Cynthia
+strove so valiantly to conceal.
+
+"Are you not hungry, little one?" says I.
+
+"Are you?" says she.
+
+"Most damnably so," says I.
+
+"Then I am too."
+
+Now I would have you mark that hunger is a great wit.  Cynthia sniffed
+a second time.  "Cows," says she.  "Oh, what good fortune!"
+
+"But my dearest prettiness," says I, "hungry as we are I do not exactly
+see how these cows can help us.  Although to be sure I will undertake
+to knock one down and skin it, and make the fire and such like menial
+offices, if you will cut it up and cook it."
+
+"Goose that you are," says Cynthia.  "You almost deserve to perish of
+your emptiness.  What about the milk?"
+
+"Odslife!" cries I, "to think that I should not have thought of that.
+Ye gods and little fishes, I must go find a pot, or a pail, or a pan to
+hold it in!"
+
+The happy prospect of such sustenance endowed us both with new vigour.
+Without more ado I began groping about in this moonlit hovel to
+discover these utensils.  But it was no such easy matter.  Look where I
+might, inside the place and outside of it, amongst the straw and
+fodder, or among the cows themselves, there was devil a pail that I
+could see.  Yet so insistent was our case that we could not be put off
+by any small detail of this sort.  We were both of us thoroughly awake
+by now and fully bent on assuaging our distresses.  And Cynthia in
+particular showed her good resources.
+
+"Jack," says she, "give me your hat.  It is bigger than mine."
+
+"To be sure," says I.  "I had not thought of that.  But I will go and
+do the milking.  I do not choose that you undertake these menial
+offices, my pretty, like a common dairymaid."
+
+"I am afraid you can have no choice in the matter," says Cynthia, now
+thoroughly awakened and full of importance at the prospect.  "You speak
+as though it were indeed the simplest thing in the world to milk a cow.
+'Pon my word, sir, I would vastly like to see you at that exercise.  It
+requires a mighty long apprenticeship, I would have you to know; and
+luckily I have had it during the time I have lived in Devonshire.  Were
+it to be left to you, I am thinking we should come by precious little
+else than your good intentions."
+
+I bent my head in silence under this merited reproof.  Our resolve was
+a brave one, for in the darkness and strangeness of the place it was
+not easy to carry it out.  However, Cynthia, armed with my hat, if you
+please, was not the person to stick at trifles.  She groped her way
+among the cows in a most valiant manner, and presently, having the good
+fortune to find one with a calf by its side, her task was made lighter
+than it might have been otherwise.  I encumbered her with my
+assistance.  The assistance in question consisted in holding the hat,
+while she performed the more delicate operation.  And I could not help
+remarking that for a town miss, who in Saint James's Park or Bloomsbury
+had quite enough of airs, affectation and incapacity to pass as a
+person of the finest _ton_, she showed a degree of aptitude quite
+foreign to her quality.
+
+"It is rarely done," says I, as the hat grew weightier and weightier.
+"And I protest that you astonish me.  It is as unmodish a performance
+as ever I saw.  I wish some of your friends could see you now."
+
+"Oh, Lord," says Cynthia, in great terror from beneath the udder, "I
+would not have them see me for the world.  I vow if they did I should
+die of it."
+
+"I believe you would," says I; "and I believe they would also."
+
+Cynthia had the first drink from the hat, which, being of a good, stiff
+felt quality, and being pretty commodious too, for its business as you
+know was to enclose a great brain, it made an admirable receptacle.
+But to drink from it without spilling the milk was not by any means a
+simple performance.  Great address was required, but the expert Mrs.
+Cynthia contrived it somehow.  And when she fitted her lips to the
+brim, there was never a drop that left this quaint vessel but it went
+to its right destination.
+
+"How warm and delicious it is!" says she, after bibbing a most
+immoderate quantity.  "How refreshed I feel!"
+
+Shaking with laughter, I followed her example.  Yet the vigour with
+which I did it, combined with my clumsier masculine methods, had
+unfortunate consequences.  I choked and sputtered and turned a good
+deal down my coat ere I was able to get any satisfaction out of my
+labours.  However, when I had learned to control my impatience, and had
+found the true knack of drinking hot milk out of my own hat, it was
+almost worth enduring the pangs of so shrewd a hunger to have such an
+exquisite recompense.  One hatful did not suffice us either.  We
+returned to the cow again and again; and with such excellent
+consequences, that for the nonce, we were both strongly agreed that no
+meal of rare dishes served on silver with powdered servants behind our
+chairs had ever given us any pleasure to approach our present one.
+Indeed, so delicately satisfied did we feel within, and such a sense of
+sweet lassitude was stealing over us, as made the thoughts of our couch
+of straw a thousand times more delectable than any pillows and lavender
+sheets we had ever slept in--nay, we really marvelled that if this was
+a state of mind incident to a vagabond roving life, how any one could
+ever do aught else but adopt it?  Truly it must be the ignorance of the
+world.  People could not know of these Arcadian delights.  Who would
+trouble else to be a peer, for ever sweating and fuming in the toils of
+one's position, spending one's days in contriving fresh devices for the
+defeat of weariness and in the excitement of new appetites?  Who would
+game and drink every night in order to forget the _ennui_ of the world,
+only to find day by day that instead of forgetting it, the intolerable
+oppression of it did increase?
+
+After shaking down several bundles of sweet-smelling hay and making of
+it a rare soft bed, I was about to lie in it, when the propriety of the
+feminine character was most excellently manifested.  With a good deal
+of confusion in her voice, and I'll swear in her face too, though
+unhappily the darkness of this far corner was so great I could not
+observe it, my companion intimated her modest doubts.  It seemed we had
+not yet been through the hands of the clergyman.  Be sure that this
+marvellously bashful proper miss did not use words of this rude
+character.  In faith, I hardly think that she used words at all; and if
+she did, certainly not more than three at a time, and even they were of
+such a nature that taken by themselves they could have no meaning
+whatever.  But so evident were the poor child's modest distresses, and
+so keen her desire not to act in anywise contrary to the conventions of
+that propriety in which her sex has ever been foremost, that I nearly
+cracked a rib with my vulgar mirth.
+
+"So be it, Mrs. Puritan," says I.  "But upon my soul more _bourgeois_
+reasons I never heard.  'Fore Gad, though, a most meritorious
+respectability."
+
+Little Cynthia, however, was not to be smoked out of her demeanour.
+She persevered in it in the most straight-laced manner, and in the end
+I was fain to erect a barrier of hay between us, and build up a second
+couch for myself.  Thus we might at a pinch be said to occupy separate
+chambers, though to be sure the partition between us was not stout
+enough to prevent us conversing as we lay in our separate beds.  But it
+was little talk that passed between us.  We were so delightfully weary
+that it began and ended in "Good-night!"  The next minute an
+unmistakable indication came from Mrs. Cynthia's apartment, and a
+minute afterwards I was sunk in the honestest and therefore the most
+delicious sleep I had enjoyed for many a year.  I neither dreamt nor
+wandered, but just dropt into a profound insensibility which was
+continued well into the daylight of the morning.  This rare refreshment
+was destined to end in a somewhat peremptory fashion.
+
+I think it must have been a kick or a blow that waked me.  For I came
+to my senses with an unnatural suddenness and a curse on my tongue.  It
+was broad day, and the misty morning sun was struggling in through
+numerous chinks in the roof and walls of the hovel.  A farmer with a
+pitchfork in his hand was standing before me.  He was almost
+inarticulate with rage.  As I opened my eyes he burst out into a
+violent Doric that I hope these pages are much too chaste to adequately
+reproduce.
+
+"Well I nivver in all my born days," says he, stamping his feet, and
+then rounding his period with a most ferocious kick on my shin.
+
+"Get up, ye impident scoundrel, and I'll beat ye to purpose so I will.
+In my own barn, in broad daylight too.  O the impidence, the domned
+impidence of it!"
+
+The kick had greatly helped me to realize the state of the case.  We
+had been discovered by the owner of the cow-house, and he, with true
+British respect for the rights of property, was not unnaturally
+incensed that two persons were so calmly infringing them.  For by this
+he had discovered poor little Cynthia, whom I was able to observe
+through the frail portion of hay between us, sitting up in her bed with
+a very woeful, frightened countenance.
+
+"Whoy theer's a woman too," says the farmer.  "Well if this doan't beat
+all I ivver heard.  O you impident hussy."
+
+"My good fellow," says I, fearing lest he should deal Cynthia a kick
+also, "I am afraid you are under some misapprehension in this matter.
+Allow me to explain."
+
+I thought it to be an occasion when the very nicest suavity of tone and
+manner was required, for the consequences were like to be uncommonly
+ruffling else.  Therefore I could not have been more careful of my
+courtesy had I been addressing my remarks to the King.  But all I got
+for my pains was the sight of a great bewilderment that suddenly ran in
+the farmer's purple face.
+
+"Whoy, a dom'd foreigner," says he.  "That makes it wuss, an hundred
+times wuss, that it do.  I'll give you foreigner, I will too.  A
+foreigner in my plaace, among my cows, lying in my hay.  Come out o' it
+and I'll break your yedd in two plazen; once for yersen, and once for
+t' little witch with the blue eyes.  How d'ye like that, Mister
+Foreigner?"
+
+Crack came the blunt end of the pitchfork at me so smartly, that it was
+only the fact that I was expecting some small manifestation of the kind
+that enabled me to get up my arm quick enough to save my head.
+
+As my attempt at a polite argument had had such an unfortunate effect
+upon him, I judged that I should best serve my skin by advancing a less
+formal sort of rejoinder, but one that might more directly appeal to
+his rustic character.
+
+"Enough of this, sir," says I, "But just lay down your pitchfork, take
+off your jacket and step outside, and you shall be the judge as to
+whether I am a foreigner, or as good an Englishman as you are yourself."
+
+The effect upon him was excellent.  His anger melted at once at this
+proposal, so clearly was it after his own mind.
+
+"'Tis fair speaking anyway," says he.  "I could not have spoken it
+better myself.  Come on this way, my lad, we'll soon set this matter to
+rights."
+
+Cynthia was terribly frightened.  She clung to my arms, and refused to
+let me follow the farmer into the yard.
+
+"Much as I admire your solicitude, my prettiness," says I, "it is most
+highly inconvenient.  For do you not see that this is as much an affair
+of honour as an appointment at Lincoln's Inn Fields?  Mr. Chawbacon has
+suffered an injury at our hands, and you who milked his cow last night
+should be the last to deny it.  Wherefore should he not have the
+satisfaction that he desires?  You would not, I am sure, have me put
+off my gentility now that I cease to wear its livery.  It is the only
+reparation that I can make to Mr. Chawbacon, and if I denied it to the
+honest fellow I should cease to respect myself."
+
+Poor little Cynthia having no substantial argument to advance against
+this--indeed how could she have?--had recourse to a flood of tears, at
+once the most natural, formidable and convincing one her sex can set
+up.  But greatly as her behaviour embarrassed me, I was committed with
+the farmer, and I have such an instinct in these matters, that
+notwithstanding Cynthia's very real distress, I could not possibly have
+backed out of my position with any shred of credit.  Therefore taking
+off my great-coat I bade the poor frightened child wrap herself in it
+up to her ears and to stay where she was, that she might neither hear
+nor observe that which was going forward.  She obeyed me in this, and
+lay sobbing softly to herself while I went forth to do battle with my
+friend the farmer.
+
+On stepping out of the hovel into the yard I found my antagonist was
+surrounded by three or four of the farm yokels, and moreover was
+stripped to the waist.  To judge by his expression he was plainly
+animated by the highest intentions towards me, and was prepared to give
+quite as much or even more than he was likely to receive.
+
+"Now then, my lad," he says briskly, "I'm a-going to do as well by you
+as Tench did last week by the Fightin' Tinman.  Now then, Joe Barker,
+and you, Bill Blagg, come on with them there pails and moppses."
+
+To my infinite delight I saw that the two children of the soil in
+question were bearing two buckets of water towards us with a sponge
+floating on the top of each.
+
+"We can't have this done in due and proper form according to the
+reggerlations," says this sportsman of a farmer in an apologetic voice,
+"because you see we've got no judge, and none o' these men o' mine
+could be trusted with the dooties.  I wish Squire was here, I do so.
+We _could_ have it all done proper then accordin' to the reggerlations.
+Squire was Tench's backer down Putney way last week, and knows all the
+reggerlations off by heart, does Squire.  He only lives just across the
+road, and if you'll wait a minute I'll have him fetched."
+
+"No, my good man," says I hastily, "we'll have no squires if you
+please.  We can trust one another, I suppose.  Let me suggest that a
+knock-down ends the round, and that we set-to again when we feel able."
+
+"That seems fair," says the farmer.  "But I should a-liked Squire to
+ha' been here all the same, and I'm thinking he'd a-liked to ha' been
+here too.  He's the best sporting man in Surrey, is the Squire, and
+fair death on the reggerlations."
+
+Having fixed up all the preliminaries of an encounter in this
+expeditious fashion, I proceeded to prepare for the fray.  I imitated
+the farmer's excellent example, divested myself of coat, waistcoat and
+shirt, and bound up my breeches with a leathern belt I was able to
+borrow from a flattered and delighted yokel.  It was in this negligent
+attire that I regarded my antagonist, and devoutly hoped the while that
+my little Cynthia was still sobbing among the hay in the hovel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER
+
+The farmer held out his hand with a grin, but quite in the approved
+manner, and I seized the occasion of shaking it briefly to run over his
+points.  He was extremely broad: a hard-looking, powerful fellow,
+apparently capable of taking a deal of punishment.  But his years were
+against him.  He was considerably on the wrong side of fifty to judge
+by his looks, and in height I had the advantage of a full four inches.
+To judge by the attitude in which he set himself, I doubted whether,
+whatever his experience of these encounters, he had much science to
+recommend him.  For myself I must confess I was hugely delighted with
+the whole thing, and entered into it with the spirit of a boy.  A match
+or a contest or a wager of any kind has ever been peculiarly acceptable
+to me.  Indeed was it not this fondness, amounting almost to a passion,
+that had so largely contributed to my present position?  I had always,
+I think, been pretty ready with my hands; had had some little practice
+in night affrays with footpads and persons of that kidney; had
+witnessed more than one set-to in the ring; whilst as for the matter of
+science, I had in my younger days taken so keen an interest in this
+invaluable art, as to put myself under the tutelage of acknowledged
+masters of it.  Therefore I was not without a certain confidence in
+myself, although there was a grim determination about the mien and air
+of the farmer that was not to be despised.  He was unmistakably game
+and full of the true fighting instinct, but his years were no friends
+of his intrepidity.
+
+Disregarding all subtleties and finesse, as well became his blunt,
+rustical, honest character, we had no sooner greeted one another and
+got our hands up, than the farmer came at me both hands pell-mell, with
+his head down, like a bull at a gate.  His onset was so fierce and
+sudden, that I was by no means prepared to receive it, and he had me at
+a decided disadvantage.  He had rained in a full dozen of short-armed
+blows, right and left, left and right at my face, at my ribs, at my
+chest, ere I could even so much as find my fighting legs, or bring into
+action any little skill that I might possess.  My long-unpractised ward
+could not prevail at all against such an onslaught.  I received
+half-parried blows on the mouth, which cut my lip and broke a tooth, on
+the right eye which partially closed it up, and a full one in the ribs.
+This last was the worst of all, as for a time it deprived me somewhat
+of my wind and made me sob to catch my breath.  And while I was meeting
+with these misfortunes, the bystanding yokels, whose sympathies were
+all on one side and that not mine, as you may suppose, were dancing
+with delight, and shrieking their hoarse encouragement.
+
+"Go it, varmer.  Give un pepper, give un snuff!"
+
+However, by this I had pulled myself together somewhat, and had found a
+means of coping with this hand-over-hand style of fighting.  There was
+plenty of room to dodge in.  This I began to make use of.  Indeed it
+was the only chance I had of protecting myself, for I was quite
+incapable of standing up to the farmer's terrible blows.  But as soon
+as I could find myself sufficiently to begin dancing out of his reach,
+the game turned at once in my favour.  There was devil a bit of guile
+or finesse in the heart of my honest adversary.  The moment I gave
+ground, he pursued me, hitting the air.  Happily for me he was much too
+slow and heavy in this kind of warfare ever to get his knuckles near
+the place he desired.
+
+In a little while his great jowl grew inflamed, the sweat poured off
+his forehead into his eyes, his breath came short and thick, and his
+hitting grew gradually weaker and less sustained.  It was not yet that
+I went in, however.  I continued to prance round and round him, there
+being plenty of room in which to do so; and at every futile blow he
+grew more unsteady.  But all this while I had a keen eye for my
+opportunity.  It was coming slowly but surely, for I was well enough
+versed in the matter to know better than to go so much as an inch to
+meet it.  I waited then with a wary patience, sometimes letting him get
+nearer than I need have done to encourage him in his course.  Not that
+this was necessary, for the old fellow was as game as any pet of the
+"fancy" that ever buffed in the ring.  But not again did I allow him to
+get his "ten commandments" home on me; I had had enough of that.  And
+at last having allowed him to spend himself entirely, I quickly
+selected the moment of my advantage, even deliberated on it to make
+quite sure, and then stiffened every muscle into trim.  I made a
+pretence of closing up with him.  This had the effect of luring him
+into another futile rush.  As he came hitting blindly, I feinted, and
+as he went past, my right went out at the most correct fraction of an
+instant, and down went the gallant farmer into the muck of his own
+barton.  The Fighting Tinker himself could not have done it more
+neatly, I'll vow.  But the old fellow was of a rare British mettle.  He
+was no sooner down than he was up again.  Apparently he was ashamed to
+be seen in such a humiliating posture.
+
+I, for my part, had barely time to wipe away the blood that was oozing
+from my broken lip, ere the farmer was up and at me again.  But I was
+not to be caught napping a second time.  By this I was perfectly calm
+and sure of myself, for I felt that I enjoyed a command of the methods
+that were likely to bring me success.  Instead of dodging from my
+opponent on this occasion I allowed him to come right up and literally
+hurl himself on his own undoing.  For again at the exact instant I got
+a beautiful lead on to his point, and stunned as much by the unexpected
+check to his own impetus as by the blow itself, he fell flat on his
+back.  This time he lay half stunned.  He made several attempts to rise
+immediately, but was quite unable to do so.
+
+Seeing him to be somewhat the worse, his yokels ran to him, whilst I
+went too, and rendered him all the assistance that lay in my power.  He
+lay puffing and panting in the mire of the yard, half-dazed by his
+disaster, otherwise apparently not a penny the worse.  He was still
+full of fighting courage; but unfortunately he lay as weak as a child
+from the shock of the blow and the fall.  Strive as he might he was
+quite unable to rise.  His yokels of course were at a loss to know what
+to do in the circumstances, but I did what I could by propping his head
+on my knee, and dispatching one of the men to the house for some
+brandy.  And at this moment who should arrive but little Cynthia with a
+very white face indeed, and in such a quiver of distress as plainly
+said that she had witnessed the whole affair from the seclusion of the
+cowhouse.
+
+"Oh," says she, taking charge of the farmer at once, and sponging his
+face and his breast with the cold water, "you are neither of you
+killed, I hope.  Oh, you pair of ruffian wretches!  Have you much pain,
+poor farmer?  Lean your head on Jack, and take things gently a little.
+And do you, What's-your-name? bring his coat and put over the poor
+man's shoulders."
+
+While these delicate attentions were going forward, my sturdy adversary
+was recovering remarkably.
+
+"I'm all right, my wench," says he.  "But I'm dom'd if I can stand up
+again, much as I should like.  Your mate's done me fair for once, and I
+can tell you he's the only man hereabouts that ivver gave Joe Headish
+his bellyful.  Dom'd if I don't go at 'im again.  Here, let be; let me
+get up."
+
+By a sudden effort he tried to rise, but immediately fell back again in
+a still more dilapidated state.  But the arrival of the brandy did a
+good deal to restore him, and a little afterwards he was on his legs.
+Feeling himself in no condition to continue, reluctant as he was to
+admit the fact, he held out his hand, and we both subscribed to the
+articles of peace.
+
+By the time I had donned my clothes in the seclusion of the hovel, and
+had emerged forth again in all the respectability of my great-coat,
+coat, waistcoat, and shirt, the farmer was thoroughly recovered and
+talking to Cynthia in the most friendly spirit.  At my appearance, says
+he:
+
+"I don't know who you are, young man; I don't know you from Adam, that
+I don't, but I respect you.  You're of the right stuff, my lad, and
+pretty handy with your mauleys.  I ax pardon for calling you a
+foreigner.  Whatever part you come from, and whatever your occipation
+may be, dom'd if you're not as true-blood an Englishman as I am mysen.
+And I don't care who hears me say it."
+
+"I thank you, sir," says I gravely.  "But I am sure the apology should
+come from me.  I on my side ask your pardon for using your cowhouse and
+using your milk in the small hours of the morning."
+
+"Don't name it," says the farmer.  "You're quite welcome to the best
+I've got.  And dom me if it comes to that you shall have it too.  You
+come along with me, and bring the little wench as well.  Purty a little
+wench as ivver I see, she is so!"
+
+I suppose it was the rudest and coarsest invitation either of us had
+ever had in our lives, but it was certainly the heartiest; and this
+I'll vow, there never was an invitation in this world more promptly and
+thankfully accepted.  Indeed at the first hint of it our hearts almost
+leapt with joy, and then a tear sparkled in Cynthia's eyes as she
+curtsied to the farmer.  It was really fine to observe the behaviour of
+the honest fellow.  There was not a spark of animosity in him.  He had
+arbitrated on the merits of the case in his own fashion, and he now
+acquiesced in the result with the same game spirit with which he had
+arrived at it.  And I am perfectly certain for my part that there was
+more wisdom in the man's instincts of justice than may at the first
+sight appear.  If all the world would recognize his as the accepted
+manner of adjudicating on its private and individual grievances, it
+would be found the best method, the one least likely to breed bad
+blood, and the one most calculated to engender a mutual respect in the
+parties concerned.  And now having delivered this superior sentiment as
+a sort of grace before meat, let us follow our good farmer to his
+dwelling with the cheerful expedition that we did on the occasion
+itself.
+
+The excellent man, although evidently puzzled as to who we might
+be--our mode of life was certainly such as to justify his gravest
+suspicions--was at great pains to conceal any doubts of our character
+and occupation that he might entertain.  But the moment we entered the
+ample food-smelling kitchen of the farm, the ceiling hung if you please
+with hams, a rare dish of bacon frizzling before the fire, and a
+breakfast table that to our charmed eyes was almost overborne with good
+homely and appetizing things, we had to run the gauntlet of the
+farmer's wife.  She was a little, keen-featured, hard-faced woman,
+with, as we were soon to discover, the devil of a sharp tongue.  She
+ruffled her feathers as soon as she saw us.
+
+"Lork-a-mercy!" says she, "I didn't know, Joseph, as 'ow you was
+a-bringing of company to breakfast."
+
+"I didn't know mysen," says Joseph complacently.  Then followed a
+moment of embarrassment.  It was plainly the good man's duty to present
+us to his wife.  She very properly expected it of him.  But as in his
+own phrase he did not know us from Adam himself, he was at a loss to
+know in what terms to represent us.  Nor did the pause that ensued help
+matters at all.  The farmer's wife had from the first, as her manner
+showed, been by no means disposed to view us favourably.  There was
+evidently something in our appearance that had caused her to take a
+strong prejudice against us.  One cannot be surprised that this was the
+case, however, seeing that we were both unwashed, and as unkempt as we
+possibly could be, whilst to add a final touch to the picture we
+presented, I was embellished with a puffy and discoloured eye, and a
+bloodied lip.  These misfortunes, when her good man had made
+appearances ten times more unfortunate by his hesitation, his wife was
+only too ready to take as a confirmation of her suspicions.  We were a
+pair of worthless persons, and Joseph was unable to account for the
+sudden impulse that had led him to bring us into that respectable
+abode.  For if we were persons of some credit, why did not Joseph say
+so at once?  His wife sniffed, and after gazing at us in a most
+disconcerting manner, was moved to say:
+
+"Joseph, I'm surprised at you.  I'll have no wicked vagabond
+play-actors here.  I've always done my best to keep this house
+respectable, and, please God, it shall always be so.  How dare you
+bring such people here?  I'll be bound you found them sleeping in your
+barn, and then, soft-hearted fool that you are, you bring them in to
+breakfast.  Oh, I know; you can't deceive me.  It is not enough then
+that they should trespass on your premises, lie on your hay, and rob
+your hen-roosts, but you must encourage 'em in it into the bargain, and
+bring them into this clean, wholesome kitchen that you know I've always
+took such a pride in."
+
+The farmer turned as red as a cabbage.  In his heart he was bound to
+admit that every word his wife uttered was true in substance.  But he
+was a very honest fellow; and though he might feel that he was greatly
+to blame for taking a couple of vagrants so much under his wing, he was
+not the man to go back on his hospitality.  He stood by us nobly.
+
+"Wife," says he, "what words be these?  If I choose to ask a lady and
+gentleman to come and sit at table with me, shall my own wife insult
+them lo their faces?"
+
+"Lady and gentleman!" says the redoubtable wife.  "A pretty sort of
+lady and gentleman, ain't they?  A brazen madam with a hat on.  Oh, and
+curls too!  Lord, look at her!  If she's not a play-actress I've never
+seen one.  And what a bully of a rogue she has got with her, too.  Hath
+he not the very visnomy of a footpad?  He's lately escaped from Newgate
+Gaol, I'll take my oath on't."
+
+There could be no doubt that this good lady was blest with a tongue of
+the sharpest kind.  Her husband was terribly put out by it.  Poor
+little Cynthia was, too.  For all her high breeding and her modish
+London insolence, which in circumstances favourable to it was wont to
+sit so charmingly upon her, she could hardly restrain her tears.  I
+suppose it is that a woman can never bear to be ridiculed, or abused,
+or put in a false position.  The poor child trembled and clung to my
+arm, while her face grew pink and white by turns.
+
+"Oh, Jack," she whispered, "do say something that will put us right.
+Tell them who we are.  I cannot bear to be spoken to like this."
+
+"You surely would not have me spoil the comedy just now?" says I.  "I
+am enjoying it vastly."
+
+In sooth I was.  I dare say it is that I am always keenly alive to
+these odd passages in life, and that I am more prone to seize the
+whimsicality of a matter than is a person of a better gravity.  I vow
+it was finer than a play to me to witness a highly rustical farmer and
+his spouse violently quarrelling because Mr. Chawbacon had degraded his
+rural abode by bringing a duke's daughter into it.  And here was the
+storm growing shriller, the farmer redder and angrier, and poor little
+Cynthia ready to faint with the humiliation of it all.
+
+The state of the case was not improved when the farmer turned his back
+on his wife in the middle of her invective.  And doubtless to define
+his opinion of her behaviour and to show that he was determined to
+stand by us, come what might, he very civilly asked us whether we would
+care to have some hot water from the kettle and go upstairs and perform
+our ablutions.  You may guess with what alacrity we accepted this
+invitation; indeed nothing could have better accorded with our needs
+and our wishes.  But no sooner had the farmer spoken to this tenor than
+Mistress Headish broke out shriller than before:
+
+"What can you be thinking of, Joseph Headish?" says she.  "Do you think
+I would trust two such rapscallion persons out of my sight in our clean
+upper chambers, and so many things to tempt their honesty in them, too?
+No; if they want to wash themselves, they must do it at the pump in the
+yard, as their betters have had to do often enough.  And why people
+like that, leading the vagrant, masterless life they do, should require
+to wash themselves at all, I don't know.  And as you have promised them
+a bite to eat, they shall have it, after they have washed themselves.
+But not in my nice clean kitchen.  I'll send 'em out half a loaf of
+bread and a piece of cold bacon, and a mug of my good October ale, and
+they can take it sitting on the pump, and think themselves lucky to get
+it too."
+
+"Peace, woman," says the farmer, in a voice of such dudgeon as did him
+the highest credit.  "Are you the master in this house, or am I?"
+
+To emphasize the inquiry he brought his hand down with such a force
+upon the breakfast-table as set the dishes rattling; whilst he
+indicated the answer by peremptorily bidding us follow him upstairs.
+This we were in something of a hurry to do, and we soon found ourselves
+in a spacious bed-chamber, which smelt of cleanliness to such an extent
+that, knowing how very ill our own persons must consort with it, we
+began to feel that the farmer's wife was justified of her grievances.
+That worthy shrew, having thoroughly aroused her honest husband, did
+not think fit to interpose any active resistance to his commands, but
+contented herself by staying below, and in delivering a shrill
+monologue from the foot of the stairs.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+
+We had to wait a minute for the hot water and fresh towels which our
+host had had the forethought to order for us.  These were presently
+brought by a strapping servant lass, whose ill-repressed grins proved
+that she had been a spectator of these incidents.  While we waited, the
+good man's apologies for his wife were truly comic.  He chivalrously
+made it clear to us that her defects sprang from the very excess of
+excellencies in her character.
+
+"A notable good woman," says he, while her voice continued to shrill up
+the stairs.  "A fine, honest, energetic woman--a woman in a thousand.
+Always strivin', savin', and cleanin' she is, the very model of what a
+housewife should be.  If she's got a fault, it is her over-anxiousness.
+She will look on the dark side of things; and she's that dreadful
+suspicious, all in the interest of her household, that if a stranger is
+seen with his head over the fence, she can't sleep for a week after it,
+being so certain in her mind that the hayricks are going to be fired,
+the stock taken, the farmstead broken into, and our throats cut as we
+lie in bed.  But I know you'll overlook it; she don't mean nothing by
+it, as you can see with half an eye.  She's a rare good woman as ivver
+I see; it's only her worritin' frettishness for the welfare o' the
+farm; you do understand that, don't you?"
+
+"Perfectly," we said together, an assurance that relieved the good man
+mightily.
+
+"You know, what upsets her most," says he, "is that I can't put a name
+to ye.  For myself, although I came by you promiscuous like at the
+onset, I likes you and I believes in you.  I think you're the right
+sort, only a bit down in the world.  But of course she don't know that.
+She's not seen you use your ten commandments, young man; and she don't
+know what pretty little ways your nice little wife 'ave."  Cynthia
+blushed such a brilliant colour at this complimentary reference that
+the farmer paused to chuckle.  "Begs your pardon, I'm sure, my dear,"
+says he, "if I've put my big foot in it.  Not his wife.  Well, well, I
+thinks none the worse o' 'im for that, I don't; but if I was you I
+would not let the mistress know it.  Her virtue makes her that
+disagreeable sometimes as you wouldn't believe.  Now if you can give me
+a name by which I can introjuice you by, fair and square, as though you
+was friends o' mine, it'll make things easier, do you see, when we sits
+down to breakfast."
+
+"Well," says I, "since you ask it of us, this lady is the Lady Cynthia
+Carew, daughter to the Duke of Salop, and you can call me the Earl of
+Tiverton."
+
+Instead of betraying any surprise at finding us in the possession of
+dignities which, to say the least, he could not have expected us to
+enjoy, the farmer betrayed not a whit of it, but broke into a fit of
+laughter and clapped me upon the shoulder.
+
+"Oh, if it comes to that," says he, "you can call me the Cham of
+Tartary and my old missis the Queen of Sheba."
+
+Nor would he, in spite of the solemn assurances that I rather delighted
+to give him, be convinced of our true condition.
+
+"No, my lad," says he, still laughing at the humour of it, "you may be
+pretty handy with your mauleys, and I would be the last to be denying
+that, but you're no more the pattern of a nobleman than I am.  You
+should try this game on with a greener chap than me.  You must not
+think because I'm a plain farmer that I can't recognize the real
+slap-up nobility when I meets them.  Now if you allowed yourself to be
+some sturdy vagabond that's too idle to work for his livelihood, or a
+strolling actor that is a peddling along the country with his
+puppet-show, or an incorrigible rogue that's lately out of the stocks
+for robbing hen-roosts, and was lying last night in my cowhouse to take
+more than his lodging, I wouldn't disbelieve you.  But an earl!--no,
+you've overshot the mark a bit, my lad.  Say a bart now--be satisfied
+with just a blessed bart--and we'll let it pass at that."
+
+"No, rat me if I will," says I, pretending to be angry.  "I'll have my
+earldom, or I'll have nothing at all."
+
+"But surely a bart's good enough for anybody," says the farmer, fully
+entering, as he supposed, into the humour of the thing.  "Why, I
+wouldn't mind being a bart mysen.  Come, let it go at a bart, my lad.
+Yes, I'll pass you at a bart out of respect for your fisticuffs, but
+between you and me I don't think my old mis'ess will."
+
+"No," says I, "'od's blood!  I will not be a bart as you call it.  I
+will be the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John Plowden-Pleydell,
+Fifth Earl of Tiverton, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter,
+or I will be nothing at all."
+
+"Very well, then," says the farmer perfunctorily, "since that is your
+humour, we'll have it at that.  But wait till I announce your title to
+my old mis'ess, and hear what she's got to say about it.  And this
+little wench--pretty little wench, I'll allow--she's daughter to my
+lord the Duke of who?"
+
+"To my lord the Duke of Salop," says I, importantly, dwelling on each
+syllable of her title for the jest's sake, "and you can call her my
+Lady Cynthia Mary Jane Carew."
+
+"Dom'd if I don't then," says he.  "And here come the clean clouts and
+the warm water.  Here, Jenny, put them down there for his lordship and
+her ladyship.  And we'll leave his lordship and her ladyship to do
+their dressing, and then they'll please condescend to honour our humble
+meal.  Now, then, my girl, off with you below; and how dare you have
+the impertinence to stand grinning there like a Cheshire cat, before my
+lord and my lady, too!"
+
+With a great guffaw for the honour of his own wit, the farmer left us
+to our much-needed toilets.  The reflections with which we made them
+would have served a philosopher of the kidney of my grandfather, for
+instance, for a monstrous fine homily on the true value of rank and
+title.  What were they worth when enclosed in a suit of homespun?  They
+required all the appurtenances with which they are hedged about in the
+public mind to be of any value whatever.  It seemed that a lord derived
+the consideration of the world from his silk stockings and the congees
+of his servants--not from any intrinsic merits within himself; and it
+was with this trite reflection that I looked in the hand-glass, and
+smiled in something of a cynical manner at the unredeemed villainy of
+the countenance that I found there.  A lively scrubbing did a little
+for it, it is true, but that could not obliterate the traces of my
+recent bout with the farmer, nor the growth of beard upon my chin, nor
+enhance the rude, ill-fitting clothes in which my friend the Jew had,
+as it seemed, so effectually disguised me.  Cynthia, however, who had
+the true feminine ingenuity in these matters, having washed her face
+and trimmed up her curls a little--Lord knows how!--contrived to make a
+very much better appearance in the role of the duke's daughter than
+ever I was like to do in that of the noble wearer of the Order of the
+Garter.  When we were sufficiently furbished to think of going down to
+that delicious meal, in which the greater part of our thoughts were
+centred, says I as we descended:
+
+"Remember now, we are under no alias whatever.  I am my lord, and you
+are my lady."
+
+"But surely," says Cynthia, who in so many ways had the true feminine
+imperviousness to the whimsicality of things, "is this not the very
+height of imprudency?  If we leave evidences behind us at every place
+at which we tarry we shall be certainly taken in three days."
+
+"Rest content," says I, "they will never inquire in out-of-the-way
+places of this sort.  In dangerous places we can still be incognito.
+But do you not see the cream of this affair is that our real names are
+the best disguises we can wish to have?  We are far less likely to be
+recognized by them than any we might adopt."
+
+It was with this conviction that we came in to breakfast, and
+confronted the farmer and his wife.  Determined to play up to my part,
+I bowed to the farmer's wife with a most sweeping air, as though she
+were a woman of the first fashion, and I made her as gracious a speech
+as I could possibly make.  There were a thousand apologies in it, and a
+great many compliments to her, her husband, her kitchen, and more
+sincerely, the hot meal we were dying to partake of.  I did it with all
+the breeding I could summon, and to see such ceremony issuing from so
+common not to say low a person, dumbfounded the good wife so
+completely, that even her powers of speech forsook her.  She blinked,
+and nodded her head, and fidgeted this way and that; and when little
+Cynthia, taking her cue from me, curtsied to her with the best grace of
+a lady-in-waiting to her most gracious Majesty, as indeed the naughty
+miss was destined to be, the poor goodwife was so taken by confusion
+that she trod on the cat, and the cat I doubt not would have knocked
+over the dish of bacon on the hearth in its fright, had not I, in
+anticipation of some such disaster, very gallantly interposed between
+them.
+
+The farmer himself, although equally at a loss to reconcile our manners
+with our appearance and presence in that place, was evidently too much
+of a lover of his joke to let the occasion pass.
+
+"Oh, I forgot to tell you, wife," says he, "that these are a lady and
+gentleman of the first nobility.  You would run on so when they first
+came in that you gave me no chance of saying who they were.  Just tell
+the mis'ess, my lord, who your lordship and her ladyship may be, for I
+domm'd if I don't forget."
+
+This I did with a good deal of unction, for seeing what a comic effect
+our manners had had on the good woman, our names in all probability
+would have one still more singular.  This proved to be the case, for no
+sooner had I, with much apologetic modesty for the circumstances which
+had impelled me to it, played the herald to my fair companion and
+myself, than our hostess became the victim of an even more remarkable
+nervousness, and grew as apologetic on her part as she had been
+cross-grained before.
+
+"La," says she, "I can never forgive my husband for not having told me.
+To think you should honour us by sitting down in our humble
+farm-kitchen to our humble fare, and you should be treated so unseemly!
+But it is so like my husband not to have told me.  La, will your
+lordship have ale, or does your lordship prefer to take a little
+claret-wine of a morning?  We have it, although it is not on the table.
+Jenny, go this minute and fetch the claret-wine for his lordship."
+
+It seemed that our hostess having got over the first shock of our
+identity, proposed to match our breeding with some of her own.  She
+began to use a high clipping tone that she evidently kept for company,
+and became so assiduous in the attentions she paid us, and so heedful
+of our wants, that we profited vastly by her credulity, if that is the
+right name to apply to it.  Her husband, however, was not so lightly to
+be imposed upon, as he was at pains to show.  At every polite effort
+put forward by his wife, he counteracted it by a wink or a cough, or a
+chuckle, or a snigger.  And he put the handles to our names in such a
+voice of banter as greatly distressed his wife, who continued to
+overpower us with her civilities.  At last, says she:
+
+"Your lordship and your ladyship must really excuse my husband.  He is
+a very good honest man to be sure," here she sank her voice to a
+mysterious whisper, "but he is a little vulgar and low-bred in these
+things, although," with a still lower voice and more mystery, "I would
+not have him hear me say it for the world.  You see he is not come of
+so good a family as I am.  His folk were a little vulgar and low-bred
+too, and people said at the time that for all his farm and his prize
+heifers it was the last thing to be expected that a person like me
+would ever marry him.  Ah, well, I suppose it is always a mistake to
+marry out of one's station, although to be sure no one could have a
+kinder, better husband.  But your lordship and your ladyship follow me,
+do you not?  He almost makes me blush for his manners, that he do."
+
+"My dear madam," says I, "I am sure we both feel for you from the
+bottom of our hearts, and understand the occasion perfectly."
+
+And could there have been a prettier comedy?  First we had had the
+husband apologizing for the wife, and now we had the wife apologizing
+for the husband.  Lord knows whether she allowed us to be what we were
+or not, but she certainly entertained us to a royal breakfast.  Two
+famished people never sat down to a finer meal in this world than the
+one we partook of.  And when we left our honest but wonderfully
+ill-assorted host and hostess, about nine of the clock in the morning
+to continue on our way, we were most handsomely fortified in mind and
+body.
+
+As we passed from the farmyard and struck into the fields the sun was
+showing handsomely, and the thrushes were singing their lusty notes.
+It was as fine a spring morning as the heart could desire.  The
+virginal airs played on our faces; the birds called to one another from
+hedge to tree; the little lambs frisked among the white daisies in the
+meads, as hand-in-hand we took our way again.  We still had no clear
+idea as to whither we were going.  But we were mightily content
+wherever our way might lead.  The sense we had of our liberty was a
+something we had never tasted before.  Had we not cast off the trammels
+of the world?  We could begin life again; and be whom we chose.  We
+were a pair of unknown persons, moving among unknown people in unknown
+places.  Every hour we passed in these solitudes of nature had
+something of the glamour of romance invested in it.  For we did not
+know how our next meal would be come by, or what would be the next
+shelter for our weary heads when nightfall overtook us.  But we cared
+not.  We were in the crisp, free, open air, snuffing the sunshine, and
+trampling across a carpet of flowers over hill and dale, while the
+spring birds sang.
+
+I think we were too desperately happy to talk much.  Cynthia was
+radiant, and as light of foot and heart as the birds that called to us
+from the green hedges.  The words of an appropriate ballad were on her
+lips:
+
+  When Strephon wooed his Chloe dear,
+  All in the springtime of the year.
+
+And I took the infection of her spirits also, I was sensible, ere we
+had walked a mile, of a frank, jovial, devil-may-care lightheartedness,
+not so fresh and buoyant as my little one's perhaps, since I had lived
+a little longer, had therefore had the brightness of my youth more
+overlaid with the rust of the world, and had a greater weight of
+responsibility, more particularly for her, upon my shoulders.  It was
+little I felt it, however.  For suddenly as we walked in these sweet
+fields, an idea was born in my mind that banished everything except the
+thrill of joy it brought.
+
+"My prettiness," says I, "we could not wish for a perfecter wedding
+morning."
+
+"That we could not," says she, so promptly that it struck me she had
+been expecting some such suggestion from me.  Her blushes were
+adorable, it is true, but I believe they were more a matter of instinct
+than the offspring of any particular commotion in her bosom.
+
+"Wilt marry me, pretty one," says I, "at the first church we come to,
+that hath a snug parsonage sitting in honeysuckle beside it?"
+
+"Ay, that I will," says she, cocking up her thin with an archness of
+invitation that was not to be denied.
+
+I suppose it was that the adventures we had already had together had
+given us the most perfect understanding of one another.  There was a
+feeling of proprietorship between us; and had not each given up
+everything in life for the other's sake?
+
+"My dear," says I, feeling that a little sentiment would not come amiss
+this rare spring morning, "I hope you have realized what I have to
+offer you.  I have but my blasted reputation, my destitute condition,
+my debts, my crimes, my prostituted name.  This is all the estate that
+a very humble, constant heart is endowed with."
+
+"They will serve," says Cynthia simply.  "If you were the wickedest man
+in England, and by your own account you are not far removed from that
+state, it would be the same.  It is not for what you be that I like
+you; it is for what I think you to be."
+
+"If it comes to that," says I, "I don't suppose it is me at all you
+care for.  It is not myself you are in love with, nor my virtues, nor
+my vices, nor my hair, my eyes, my clothes, my understanding, nor
+anything that is mine.  You are at that romantical instant of your
+womanhood when you have fallen in love with the name of love.  If
+instead of a man I were a tame white mouse, or a bob-tailed rabbit, or
+a bull-calf you would invest me with all the pretty fancies that are
+running in your head, so that the reflection in your mind would yet be
+the one that you most wished to see.  But a truce to philosophy, let us
+to church."
+
+Cynthia was so evidently of my mind in this last particular that she
+laughed, and resumed the singing of her ballad, as we strode out the
+brisker for our intercourse.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE LEARNING
+IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS.
+
+As we took our way through the grass of a most charming flower-coated
+country, there was a kind of rivalry between us as to who should be the
+first to spy a church.  The honour of doing so had not fallen to either
+of us, when Cynthia suddenly darted from the path to pick some white
+violets out of a hedge.
+
+"Why," says she, in the delight of finding them, "we will make
+ourselves a posy apiece to carry with us to church, as it is our
+wedding morning.  Oh, look at the marsh-marigolds at the side of the
+brook there!"
+
+She gave me the violets to hold, with some injunction as to the correct
+manner of holding them, for my handling of them was much too crude to
+please her, and ran away again to fetch the pretty yellow flowers.  All
+sorts of things she gathered for our nosegays, lady-smocks all silver
+white from the meadow, and daisies pied and violets blue, cowslips and
+even a blue-bell.  Nothing would content her but that we should make
+them up into posies there and then; which we did, and bound them round
+with grasses.  But hardly had we finished this pastoral employment and
+continued on our way, when we became the victims of a singular
+diversion.  We passed out of one meadow over a stile into another of a
+similar kind.  But in the second a few cows were browsing.  To these we
+paid no heed, but walked jauntily enough through the pasture,
+apprehending no danger; but by the time we had come perhaps to the
+middle of the field we were startled by a commotion behind us.  Turning
+round to discover whence it arose, we were horrified to find what the
+source of it was.  A young bull with its head grounded and its tail in
+the air was charging down upon us.  A single exclamation and a
+frightened instant of hesitation in which to take our bearings, and
+evolve a mode of escape, was all we had time for.  The bull was coming
+so furiously that it was almost upon us, yet we were stranded full in
+the middle of the field, with no chance whatever of taking refuge in
+flight.  But happily my eye lit on a tree, a sturdy young sapling a
+yard or two off.  Thither I pushed the terrified Cynthia, and literally
+lifted her into one of the lower branches, whilst she, with an
+admirable conception of the case and how to act in it, scrambled with a
+mighty rending of her garments into the boughs above.  I clambered
+after her madly, not a second too soon.  The vigorous snorting young
+bull crashed his horns against the tree with great force.  He was so
+near to my leg that I instinctively felt it to be gashed wide open;
+whilst such a mighty shake did its impact give to our place of refuge
+that it was indeed a mercy we were not both of us thrown on to the
+ground to be gored and trampled on.  But despite our fright we were
+able to cling to the branches; and when at last I was able to get a
+glimpse of my leg, I found to my relief that I had been the victim of
+my imagination.
+
+The bellowing beast made divers onslaughts against the bark of the
+tree, whilst we very fearfully hurried up higher and higher, dreading
+at each stroke of our enemy to feel ourselves flying through the air.
+Providentially, however, by clinging with rare tenacity to our vantage
+place we were able to maintain ourselves in the security of the highest
+branches of all.  And presently our adversary having wreaked a good
+deal of his fury on the offending tree, desisted from an occupation
+that brought him so little profit, and having walked off a yard or two,
+proceeded to regard us morosely.  He seemed prepared to stay in that
+employment too for an indefinite period.  But feeling our position,
+snug as it was and safe for the time being, to be yet highly
+precarious, since the very boughs on which we sat swayed and cracked
+and creaked in a truly alarming fashion, I determined to play a coup,
+ere any melancholy thing should happen which would put it out of my
+power to play one.
+
+Divesting myself with much difficulty of my cloak, although Cynthia
+rather audaciously, considering her own position at the time, lent me a
+hand, I committed that garment to her charge, and proceeded to select
+the most favourable moment for a speedy flight to the nearest hedge.
+Keeping perfectly motionless in our unhappy posture, we presently
+contrived to lull the unsuspecting bull into a state of quiescence
+which I am sure he would have been the first to admit, had he but
+known, the circumstances hardly warranted.  For suddenly taking an
+advantage of his sleeping vigilance, I made a leap off the tree as far
+as possible from the spot on which he stood watching.  It was then a
+case of run devil, run baker.  I'm sure no poor devil ever ran more
+fleetly than I did then; whilst I am equally sure that there never was
+a baker in this world that ran more swiftly than that roaring,
+rampageous bullock.  Luckily for my precious bones I had a fair good
+start of the fellow, and the distance to the hedge was less than a
+hundred yards.  Had it been otherwise this history had never been
+written else, for not for a moment do I think Cynthia would ever have
+troubled to write it; nor between ourselves, do I think she would ever
+have been capable of doing so, even had her ambition jumped in that
+direction.  Running pell-mell, my heart beating holes in my ribs, and
+the clear tones of Mrs. Cynthia issuing from the topmost branches of
+the tree in words of lusty encouragement such as: "Bravo, lad, bravo!
+Mightily done!" I panted to the hedge with the bull ever at my heels,
+and had just the strength to take a second leap at the green brambles,
+and half jump, half scramble through their tenacious barriers, and so
+into the neighbouring field, while the bull, foiled for the second
+time, raged and vented his disappointment from the other side.
+
+Meanwhile little Cynthia, with a delightful intrepidity, also took
+advantage of our enemy.  While Mr. Bull continued to thrust his head at
+the hedge in his mighty rage, and roared forth his threats,
+high-couraged little Cynthia, if you please, very simply and
+dexterously dropped down my cloak out of the tree, neatly dropped down
+after it, and then with the most gallant coolness gathered herself up
+again, the cloak too, and even stayed to recover our late discarded
+posies, which the bull had evidently thought too mean to be worthy of
+his regard.  With these articles tucked away in one hand, she gathered
+her skirts in the other, and away scudded her dainty ankles through the
+grass to the opposite fence.  All this time the bull, foiled and
+nonplussed as he was, continued to fume and rush at the fence that kept
+him from me, but never for an instant did he guess that Cynthia was in
+the act of cheating him too.
+
+Convinced by this that my little one had made good her escape, I could
+not restrain my joy.  I began to jump and clap my hands, and bellow out
+hearty encouragements and applause to her across the field.  This
+behaviour so surprised the bull, that he whisked angrily round to
+discover the cause of it.  He beheld Cynthia in the very height of her
+rapid victorious transit.  Away he dashed, head down, in pursuit of
+her, but she was much too well advanced in her flight to have any fear
+of him whatever.  By the time he had come level with the tree, Cynthia
+was calmly climbing into security over the stile; and when the
+outwitted animal rushed up and thrust his nose over it, she tauntingly,
+if a trifle vain-gloriously, shook the cloak and the posies at him.
+Never, I think, did I see an act more neatly or more bravely performed.
+
+When we came presently together again in the middle of an adjoining
+field, a sort of half-way house from where the bull had respectively
+left us, we were both in high feather and mightily pleased with
+ourselves and one another.
+
+"I declare," says I, "that hunting the fox becomes a tame and foolish
+sport by comparison.  In all my amusements, from cards to
+cudgel-playing, I was never furnished, I'll swear, with so entertaining
+an episode.  Besides, I am vastly proud of your conduct this morning,
+my prettiness.  Come, let us waste not a moment; I am dying to get
+married at once."
+
+The deep crimson in Cynthia's cheeks, that her late eminent exertions
+had induced, lent her even more of an adorable appearance than even I
+had ever observed in her.  And when she tossed me my cloak, and gravely
+gave one of the posies into my hands, I think I never saw the eyes of a
+woman beam with such mirth and high spirits.  Flushed and breathless as
+we were, no two human persons could possibly have been happier.
+Already our haphazard, vagrant life had proved the antidote of that
+weariness of the world, that fatigue of mind and body, the chains of
+polite life had induced.  Already we had come to take a fraternal
+pride, as it were, in one another.  We no longer had to apprehend how
+we should get through the day without perishing of weariness, but
+rather how to pass it without perishing of hunger and violence.  And we
+were revealing such unexpected qualities to ourselves and each other in
+overcoming these calamities that we were falling in love anew with our
+own heroic attributes, and were already prepared to vow to one another
+that we were a monstrous well-assorted pair.  Indeed, the foolish bull
+had given us such a fine conceit of ourselves, that on the score of the
+hour of high-wrought happiness he brought us, he must, I am sure, be
+allowed after all to be our friend.
+
+A good deal of walking through the blossoming fields brought us at last
+on to a good broad highway, and a little later having climbed up a
+hill, we saw from the top of it the thing we were seeking.  A village
+nestled below, and very properly the tallest roof among the collection
+that clustered there together, and by far the most imposing object of
+them all, was a sweet little country church, grey with age, surrounded
+by a low stone wall whose crannies were filled with moss.  Approaching
+it we were overjoyed to find that a pretty little parsonage stood
+beside it, which in every particular matched the quaint and venerable
+appearance of the church itself.  But no sooner had we come to the
+latticed gate of the parson's house than our pleasure fled suddenly
+away.  We had been bold enough in the contemplation of the deed, and
+had even been disposed to treat it airily.  Yet when our fingers fell
+on the parson's latch, we were suddenly confronted with its magnitude.
+We were going to be married!
+
+Now although I had started from town not twelve hours before as cynical
+and desperate a character as any to be found, the humane influences
+that had been brought to bear upon me, even in that short period, had
+not been without their effect.  I began to see things in their true
+relation once again, and even to be sensible of feelings I had so long
+outlived that I almost forgot that I had ever known them.  For
+instance, the emotion of timidity that overtook me at the parson's
+gate, I could have sworn I had never met with before in my life.  The
+uncomfortable sense of the bashful business to follow caused me to
+falter with my hand still at the latch, and to parley with Cynthia.
+
+"I think you had better go first, my prettiness," says I seductively,
+"I don't doubt that you will make a better hand of it than I, and you
+will have a better knowledge of how to talk to the parson.  I am so
+devilish unused to talking to parsons, d'ye see."
+
+"Oh, yes, I quite see that," says Cynthia significantly, "and I also
+see that you are afraid."
+
+"I dare say you might have shot wider of the truth," says I.  "It is
+the first time I have been called on to smell this kind of powder, and
+burn me! if ever I want to be called on again."
+
+"I hope you won't be," says Cynthia.
+
+She herself, I must confess, was as cool as a cucumber.  Her colour was
+a little high perhaps, and the animation in her eyes was, I think, more
+than usually fine.  But take her altogether, she seemed to have all the
+calmness and assurance of an old campaigner, whilst I was wincing and
+starting like a raw recruit.  They say that all women are alike in
+this.  They go to church as complacently as they go to Ranelagh, and
+take as keen an enjoyment from the reading of the marriage service as
+they do in the performance of the Italian dancers at the theatre in
+Covent Garden.  And it is said again that never a man of us all,
+whatever his years, disposition and ideas, comes to this ceremony but
+what he is beset with those same qualms that fastened upon me so
+unexpectedly at the parson's gate.
+
+When we walked up the pretty garden and came to the door of the
+parson's house, it was Cynthia who unhesitatingly knocked upon it.  But
+the operation had to be repeated ere it was replied to.  And when at
+last the door was drawn back from within we were confronted by a stout,
+red-faced woman in a gown of printed calico.  Her sleeves were rolled
+up above the elbow, her cap and apron were awry, and there was a look
+of industrious ill-temper about her that contributed nothing to our
+encouragement.  She stuck her hands on her hips, filled the whole of
+the doorway with her defiant presence, very like the dragon in the
+fable that barred the way to the princess in the enchanted palace, and
+surveyed us in a grimly critical fashion from top to toe.
+
+"Is the parson at home?" says the audacious Cynthia.
+
+"He be!" says the woman in a loud, harsh voice.
+
+"We wish to see him then, if you please," says Cynthia.
+
+"What might your business be?" says the woman, looking us all over with
+a really disconcerting keenness.
+
+"I think we must explain that to the parson himself," says Cynthia.
+
+"Then I think you will not then," says the woman, mighty uncivilly.
+"I've formed my own opinion of you.  You shall not see the master, not
+if I know it.  He's got such a character for softness of heart all
+about the countryside that you vagrant beggars come for miles to get
+what you can out of him.  It's mortal lucky he's got me to look after
+him, or he would have given away the shirt off his back this many a
+year ago."
+
+It was impossible to deny that the good woman's estimate of our station
+and business was shrewd enough.  We were certainly a pair of vagrants,
+if ever there was a pair in the world, and were certainly come to get
+something of the parson that we had no means of requiting him for.  And
+I am sure neither of us, singly or together, would have stood a chance
+of melting that adamantine bosom, since everything we said seemed more
+clearly to reveal our humble not to say destitute condition; indeed we
+had come to the point where this clergyman's uncompromising guardian
+was about to bang the door in our faces, when the parson himself made a
+very welcome intervention.
+
+He came shuffling along the path from some remote part of the vicarage
+garden, in a pair of old down-trodden carpet slippers, wearing over an
+old-fashioned wig a beaver grotesquely battered and green with age.
+His cassock hung in tatters at his heels, and he made about as unkempt
+and disreputable a figure of a clergyman as it was possible to
+conceive.  Besides, he was a very small and insignificant rat of a
+fellow, and had a strange odd way of peering through his horn
+spectacles.  But the moment he began to speak such a pleasant twinkle
+of courtesy came into his ugly countenance--by itself it was plain to
+the point of ugliness, although to this day Cynthia will never allow it
+to be so--and his voice was so wondrous musical, that straightway we
+forgot that he had such a singular appearance, and fell in love with
+him.
+
+"A very good morning to you," says he.  "I hope you are drinking in
+this golden morning that God hath sent us.  Hey, what a thing it is to
+be a human being!"
+
+As he came up and observed Cynthia more closely, he, bowed with a
+wonderful grave dignity, and took off his hat with a flourish that
+became him most inimitably well.  Such courtesy from an appearance so
+discourteous never was seen.
+
+"La, master, what be you at?" says the woman, highly scandalized by so
+polite a demeanour.  "Do you not see these are an arrant pair of
+vagrant beggars?  I must get you more artful spectacles if you will
+stay so close at your book-reading."
+
+"Peace, my good Blodgett," says the parson.  "Do you think I do not
+know breeding when I see it?  It is a rare possession that nothing can
+disguise.  There is sensibility here, in this fair countenance, and
+pride and candour, and the features are almost highly classical in
+their outline.  A little too full in the lips perhaps, yes, I think a
+little too full, or this would have been the countenance of Minerva
+with the animation of Diana in it.  I must remind you again, my good
+Blodgett, that appearances are apt to deceive; _non semper ea sunt quæ
+videntur_, as the excellent Phædrus has so wisely said.  You will do me
+the honour, I hope, my dear young lady, of entering my house and
+partaking of a glass of my gooseberry-wine and of eating a piece of
+Banbury cake.  And you, sir, also, I hope and trust; although in your
+case the credentials you bear in your countenance are nothing like so
+noteworthy.  But as Plautus very pertinently asks, _non soles respicere
+te_, to look at oneself ere one abuses another, the less said the
+sooner we shall mend it, _tulum silentii præmium_.  Come this way, I
+beg you."
+
+During this peroration poor Blodgett wrung her hands and shook her
+head, and kept repeating some such mystical phrase as:
+
+"He is off at the top again!  He is off at the top again!"
+
+However, this strange old parson, all unconscious of the distress of
+mind he was occasioning his handmaid or housekeeper, or whatever she
+might call herself, flowed on and on in his extraordinary monologue,
+and led us indoors into a spacious room full of a remarkable disorder
+of books, which doubtless composed his library.  Books open and shut,
+piled up and overlaid, were on the table, and under the table, on the
+chairs, and on the floor.  Any square inch of space wherein a book
+might insinuate itself, there was a book to be found.  Dusty,
+black-letter, grimy Aldine, foxed Elzevir, any folio, quarto, or
+octavo, providing it was old enough and dirty enough, was assembled
+there.  Those that lay open seemed to be annotated and scored under,
+and embellished with marginal notes in a delicate minute handwriting,
+on every page.  And among all these tomes there was never a one that
+was in a new dress, or done in a reasonable easy print, nor one written
+by a reasonably modern author.  To observe the _Paradise Lost_, with
+the imprint of Jacob Tonson upon it, was to be startled with that sense
+of gratified surprise that one would experience at unexpectedly meeting
+with a personal friend in a foreign country.
+
+The parson was an odd match to his books.  His conversation was as
+musty, learned and interminable as themselves.  He talked of all topics
+but those that could have been of the least interest to anybody.  He
+never thought to ask who we were, or what business had brought us
+thither, but having lured us into his library, he very vigorously began
+to engage us with matters at least a thousand years old.  We were very
+polite at first, and nodded our heads in deep interest at the mention
+of the first Punic war, and kept saying, "Ah, to be sure!" and
+inserting "yes" and "oh yes" whenever we found half a chance to get in
+so much in the middle of some animadversions he thought fit to make on
+the behaviour of the Carthaginians generally.  But when proceeding to
+move with an air of great mystery and consequence to topics of the most
+inconsequent character, and presently to prove to us that in his
+opinion the battle of Cannæ, or it may have been Marathon, or the siege
+of Troy for aught we knew or cared, was not so important and decisive
+an affair as the historians of these times had represented, our
+observance of a polite interest showed signs of giving out.
+
+We might shuffle, however, and shift our stations, and cough, and take
+our weight off our right leg and lean it on our left, but it never made
+one bit of difference to this terrible monologue.  The old parson, with
+his eyes half closed and his hands spread forth, poured out the finest
+prose in his mellifluous voice, with every period rounded to such a
+perfection that had he been a historian and his speech a printed page
+the world could never have sufficiently admired his attainments.  And
+every emphasis and quantity seemed so indubitably exact in the
+classical tongues he so freely quoted, as must have made him the envy
+of pedagogues and the paragon among them all.  And all this time we
+were striving to maintain our well-bred interest as best we might, and
+inwardly cursed Rome and Greece and the whole race of poets, historians
+and soldiers that ever sprang from them.
+
+His mind was filled with a vast deal of knowledge of a recondite sort.
+It could have been of no possible service to anybody, least of all to
+himself.  Yet he moved lightly and easily from one antediluvian topic
+to others more antediluvian still.  He was armed with a great array of
+theories of no moment at all, and a matchless sheaf of facts that
+proved and disproved and proved them over again.  How weary we became!
+How we fidgeted and looked at one another in our despair, for he grew
+more minute as he proceeded, and called up, extempore, authority upon
+authority to show that Lais was a woman of virtue, and that Virgil did
+not write his own works.  He split straws with Aristotle, and picked
+holes in his Ethics.  He said that Cicero was a windbag, and that Plato
+was a dunce.  He said that Herodotus was loose in his facts, and no
+more worthy of credence than Plutarch, and that Plutarch was not a whit
+better than Herodotus neither.  He said that Homer was the biggest
+impostor in history.  He had nothing to do with the _Iliad_, whilst as
+for the _Odyssey_, he had long come at the truth that it was by a
+female hand, most probably one of the Hesperides, though to be sure he
+had not quite satisfied himself as to which, just as the plays of the
+poet Shakespeare would one day be allowed to be the handiwork of Lord
+Bacon, the eminent lawyer and philosopher; and again, as the world,
+purblind as it was, would one day discover that Mr. Fielding's
+so-called novel of _Joseph Andrews_ had sprung from the fertile brain
+of Mr. Colley Gibber.  Indeed I was so fearful lest he should take
+steps to disprove my grandfather's claims to have produced his
+celebrated Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_, that I became
+quite desperate, and determined to put a stop to the unceasing current
+of his talk, even at the risk of making a hole in my good manners.
+Having reached a point in his discourse wherein he showed that Cæsar
+did not cross the Rubicon, I slapped my hand on the table with a vigour
+that knocked down half-a-score of tomes and startled everything and
+everybody but the speaker himself; and, says I, at the top of my
+heartiest voice:
+
+"I quite agree with you there, sir; I do indeed."
+
+"I presume, sir," says the parson, "you know the authorities there are
+against us, and what adversaries of weight, Cæsar himself, Suetonius,
+and Plutarch, to name only three, that we have to face."
+
+"I care not if there are three thousand," says I valiantly, "in this
+matter I am entirely of your mind."
+
+The parson, whose simplicity was as great as his learning, grasped my
+hand with the utmost fervour.
+
+"My dear sir," says he, "I can never sufficiently extol your spirit.
+It is excellently said, sir, excellently said.  Would that there were
+more persons like you in the world.  I can but offer you some
+gooseberry-wine and a piece of Banbury cake, but I am sure you are very
+welcome.  I do declare that Blodgett has forgotten them; I will go and
+see about them myself."
+
+At last in the very height of our sufferings we obtained in this truly
+unexpected, not to say whimsical fashion, a brief instant of relief.
+It was plain that this learned wight was possessed of a mind of the
+most singular simplicity and inconsequence.  Everything that was told
+him he took for gospel.  He had the faith of a child.  Everything that
+had the least interest for himself he felt that all men were
+languishing to hear of.  With him evidently to think was to act; he was
+the slave of his own whims; no sooner did he mention a thing than he
+went straightway and performed it.
+
+The prospects of being united in the bonds of wedlock by so
+extraordinary a gentleman were indeed remote; but armed with the
+knowledge of his character we had already gained, we concluded that if
+we beat about the bush at all, he would be quite content for his own
+part to detain us a "month of Sundays" in his library, while he
+unfolded his facts and propounded his theories.  On his own initiative
+he would not be in the least likely to surrender a single moment to our
+affairs.  We must be bold and decisive, and grapple firmly with him.
+
+Therefore when the good parson returned, preceding the umbrageous
+Blodgett, who bore the Banbury cakes and the gooseberry-wine on a tray,
+before he had the chance to open his mouth to take up his discourse,
+says I, in a truly dramatic manner:
+
+"If it pleases you, sir, we are here, this lady and I, to ask you to
+marry us."
+
+"Marry you," says he, without a moment's reflection.  "I shall be
+delighted.  Blodgett, have the goodness to set down the tray on the top
+of the _De Imitatione_ there and go and find the clerk, and tell him to
+open the church.  And tut, tut! my good woman, how often must I beseech
+you not to dust my books with your sacrilegious apron."
+
+While Mrs. Blodgett flounced out to find the clerk, and the good parson
+in the height of his courtesy poured out the gooseberry-wine and served
+us with it, Cynthia and I fell to talking at the top of our voices
+about nothing at all, since we were certain that as soon as the parson
+got an opportunity he would furnish us with a criticism of Strabo's
+geographies, which, however damaging to that worthy ancient, would be
+even more so to us; or prove that it was a vulgar error to speak of
+Castor as the twin of Pollux; and proceed to demonstrate that Achilles
+was vulnerable in other places than his heel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+WE GET US TO CHURCH
+
+By the time the parson had served us solemnly with our refection, I
+deemed it proper to give him some relation of our circumstances.  I was
+emboldened to do so because his simple, honest character made him easy
+to talk to; it was also essential that he should be let some little way
+into the state of our affairs, since we had but the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny with which to requite him for his services and to vail the
+clerk.  And again I talked to him the more readily because while he was
+engaged with these matters, he was not so likely to revert to those
+that concerned us less.
+
+He received the confessions of our bankrupt condition with a breadth of
+generosity that was truly noble in its magnitude.
+
+"I am grieved that you should have thought fit to name that matter,"
+says he.  "What a world it is for pounds, shillings, and pence, to be
+sure!  One cannot come into it, nor go out of it, nor even enter into a
+highly natural and commendable contract for its advantage, but what
+somebody has to be feed.  And I blush to say that that somebody is
+generally some old rogue of a parson; but I hope, sir, you agree with
+Tully when he says----"
+
+"Yes, sir," says I hastily, "I quite agree with Tully, I have ever been
+of Tully's opinion.  And, sir, let me say that we are overcome with
+your generosity.  But there is yet another matter that irks us; we have
+no ring by which we can be wed into matrimony."
+
+"An even more trivial thing," says the parson, "the good Blodgett,
+honest widow that she is, shall lend you hers."
+
+It was bravely resolved of the parson, but I dare swear we both
+shuddered at the same instant, when we conceived of the courage
+required to put it into practice.  To think of us "vagrant beggars"
+summoning that redoubtable dragon to deliver up her marriage ring!  It
+would be perilously like commanding an ogre to cut off his own head.
+I'll vow that Cynthia trembled a little; whilst she goes even farther
+and says I grew as pale as death.
+
+"Do you think, sir," said Cynthia fearfully, "that good Mrs. Blodgett
+will be so kind?"
+
+"She will be delighted, my dear madam," says the parson.  "She will be
+delighted!"
+
+We were still wrestling with our honest doubts on the score of Mrs.
+Blodgett's delight, when lo and behold! that formidable fair burst into
+the room, redder in the face than ever, for she was out of breath.  She
+had seen the clerk, and he had gone that minute to open the door of the
+church.  And she conveyed this piece of news in such a brisk and
+important tone as seemed a good deal out of keeping with her severity
+of character.  She had an air of interest which we had certainly not
+expected her to betray in our humble affairs.  And when the parson
+without a word of preface had the audacity to prefer his proposal in
+regard to the ring she bore on her finger, an audacity that caused us
+both to hold our breaths, since we were fully persuaded that Blodgett
+would at least break into a most violent diatribe against the impudence
+of some people, drawing an affecting parallel with the late departed
+saint whose relict she was, and how wild horses should not tear her and
+this venerable sanctified token of their marital harmony apart, to our
+surprise her reply was mercifully brief.
+
+"Humph!" says she.  Having glanced at us for a very embarrassing
+period, during which time a good deal of perplexity distorted her harsh
+features, says she: "Well, I never did!  Is it a runaway?"
+
+"You can take it at that," says I.
+
+A very singular change was being wrought in this stern matron.  Where
+is the female bosom that can resist a wedding, or a touch of the
+romantical?  Not even that of the Spartan Blodgett.  The more she
+pondered the matter in hand the less terrible she became.  She began to
+ask a dozen questions of us in a greatly mollified voice.  Nay, the
+tone she used to Cynthia might even be called indulgent.
+
+"Well," says she, "seeing as how it is an emergency, you shall have my
+ring this once, but it goes against my conscience, I am sure.  You are
+doing a very wicked thing, young woman.  To think of a little chit like
+you running away to get married!  I am sure I ought not to countenance
+it.  Oh, what will your mother say?"
+
+"I have not a mother," says Cynthia, putting her hands to her eyes, and
+smiling at me through her fingers.
+
+This admission seemed considerably to ease the mind of Mrs. Blodgett,
+and forthwith she began wrestling with the wedding-ring on her fat
+finger.  In the meantime her master was very fortunately engrossed in
+another matter, and we were therefore spared his comments.
+
+It seemed that Blodgett had brought him that day's _London Gazette_,
+which had been left by the coach at the village alehouse.  It was the
+newspaper that claimed the parson's attention while his housekeeper
+struggled with her wedding-ring.  I vow it was as whimsical a sight as
+ever was seen to witness the good lady growing redder and redder in her
+face, and puffing, grunting, and twisting her countenance into the most
+fantastical shapes, while she freely "dratted the thing," and called
+down a murrain upon it.  But strive as she might, the precious ring
+still clung faithfully to her finger.  Presently Cynthia was fain to
+take a hand at hauling it off, but she fared not a whit better than
+Mrs. Blodgett.  Whereon I was called on, and after several very natural
+and becoming protestations on my part as to my inability and so forth,
+even I was pressed into the service.  I tugged and hauled away with
+what gravity I might, but never an inch would that wretched ring budge.
+In the height of this deadlock, I was seized with a brilliant expedient.
+
+"One of the rings round the curtain-pole," says I.  "Surely one of them
+will do most admirably well, and at least there will be no difficulty
+about getting it off, nor on neither."
+
+Now when I proffered this suggestion Mrs. Cynthia blushed such a colour
+and looked so ill at ease, that I half began to doubt whether this idea
+was so fine after all.  And indeed, Blodgett took me up warmly.
+
+"Wedded in a curtain-ring indeed!" says she.  "I'facks, that she never
+shall be.  Who ever heard of such a thing!  Has the man no decency!
+Rather than that, my dear, I will run to neighbour Hodge's and borrow
+hers.  As she's a thin body it should slip off easy."
+
+There and then the scandalized Blodgett was as good as her word.
+Favouring me with a glance of such scorn and contempt that a person
+more impressionable would have been rooted to the spot, she flounced
+out of the room all in a moment, and directly afterwards passed by the
+library window, running quite excitedly down the garden path.  Surely a
+whole chapter of dissertation might be written on the metamorphosis of
+Mrs. Blodgett.  From openly deriding Cynthia she had passed to an
+almost motherly tenderness towards her.  She had become as concerned
+for her as though she had been her own daughter.  She was no longer
+"wench," or "vagrant beggar," nay nor even "young woman," but just "my
+dear."  And why was this?  Do you think it was because she had suddenly
+lighted on some latent virtues in my little madam, some strain of moral
+loveliness, some unexpected beauty in her mind and heart?  I am sure I
+crave the pardon of her ladyship, but it was devil a one of these
+things that had such a magic effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  It was simply
+that she had run away to get married, and that this was her wedding
+morning.  Oh, woman, woman! where is the daughter among you that can
+resist the blandishments of Hymen?
+
+While this was going forward, and we were congratulating ourselves in
+secret on the most fortunate course this portentous affair was like to
+take, an incident happened that shook me dreadfully, and recalled to my
+mind much more sharply than I cared, the kind of fortune I was about to
+endow my bride with.  For the time being I had forgotten the colour of
+my reputation, the character of my past, and my black prospects for the
+future, in the cheerful topsy-turvy madness of the last twelve hours.
+But now all of a sudden, in the least expected fashion, I was reminded
+as to who I was, and what I was.  The parson, who all the time had been
+deeply involved in his news-sheet, suddenly cast it down, uttered a
+loud exclamation, and with tears in his honest eyes began striding down
+in his agitation, and knocked down many an unoffending book.
+
+"_O tempera!  O mores!_" says he, "In what degenerate days do we live!
+To think that this should be the grandson of such a grandsire!  No; I
+cannot believe it of him; nay, I will not believe it of him."
+
+You may guess that as there was a grandfather in the case I pricked up
+my ears at once, and on looking at the newspaper saw that which
+confirmed my premonition.  There was a paragraph in the column of
+"Newest Intelligence" that ran in this wise:
+
+"On Tuesday evening in the near neighbourhood of divers well-known
+coffee-and-chocolate-houses in Saint James's Street, Piccadilly, was
+found the body of Mr. Richard Burdock, of His Majesty's 4th Regiment of
+Horse Guards.  The unfortunate gentleman had been done to death by a
+sword-wound in the upper part of the chest.  Precisely in what manner
+the deceased came by his end is not at present known, but we are
+informed that on the following day an information was laid against the
+Earl of Tiverton, a nobleman whose name has been most unhappily
+notorious of late.  A warrant was at once procured for the arrest of
+Lord Tiverton, and on an attempt being made to put it in force at his
+lordship's residence later in the day, a most desperate struggle
+ensued, and his lordship with the assistance of his household succeeded
+in effecting, for the time being, his escape.  We learn, however, that
+the celebrated Mr. John Jeremy of Bow Street has the matter in hand;
+that Mr. Jeremy with his world-famed acumen is in possession of a clue
+as to Lord Tiverton's whereabouts; that Mr. Jeremy is already actively
+following up the same, and that presently an event may transpire that
+shall set all the town by the ears."
+
+I directed Cynthia's attention to this account, and she was so startled
+by it that she changed colour, and offered so many visible evidences of
+her distress, that I feared she would have excited the suspicions of
+the parson, yet after all that must have been an impossible feat, for I
+am sure the honest parson was a man so utterly without guile, that he
+was incapable of harbouring any sort of suspicion against a
+fellow-creature.  Besides he was still fully occupied in lamenting the
+low repute into which our name had fallen, with a grief so genuine that
+I did not know whether to be touched or amused by it.
+
+However, I could not pay much heed to the parson at that minute, being
+deeply concerned for little Cynthia.  I began to fear that I had done
+an ill-considered thing in allowing her to see the news-sheet.  I had
+never tried to find out how far she was acquainted with my history of
+the past few years--my gaming, duels, intrigues and debts.  That she
+must have known of it to some extent was certain.  She had heard of
+them from my own lips in a haphazard sort of way; and again, they were
+too well known to be suppressed, as witness the conduct of her father
+in the matter of my suit.  At his hands, and those of my friends, and
+of my rival too, they would certainly lose nothing of their magnitude.
+Whatever she had heard of me, she had been able to condone.  But now
+confronted with a more circumstantial charge against me, clothed in all
+the authority of black and white, a charge of the most terrible
+character that can be preferred against any person, it came on her with
+a cruel force that almost crushed her down.  She stood faltering, with
+the newspaper still clutched in her hands; her lips trembled, and the
+tears gathered slowly in her eyes.
+
+"I don't believe it," said she, in a low, shaking voice.
+
+She held out her hand, and I, despite the presence of the parson, took
+it to my lips with the same passion with which she had extended it to
+me.  If a man in the midst of all the contumely and detraction of the
+world, can yet get one woman to believe in him, it is enough!
+
+Meantime the parson, whatever he may have thought of our behaviour, not
+that it is altogether certain that he happened to witness it, was so
+strangely ingenuous that he took my little one's distress to spring
+from the same source as his own.  He laid it all to that precious
+Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_!
+
+"Your grief does you honour, my dear madam, allow me to say," says he,
+wiping the memorials of his own from his red eyes.  "It honours you
+vastly.  It is something in this benighted age to know that the
+reverence for polite letters has not yet died out amongst us.  And I,
+on my part, will never be persuaded that the descendant of so noble and
+learned a gentleman, whatever the errors of his youth, could fall into
+an act of such a hideous kind.  I blame the publick press too for
+disseminating such a story.  If it is false, as I believe it to be, oh,
+the pity of it!  But if it should be true, the pity is the greater.
+With your permission, I will destroy this newspaper, lest this
+scandalous thing it contains should come under the eye of Blodgett, and
+she should spread it amongst the village folk."
+
+I protest with all my settled views on life, and my arbitrary way of
+looking at things, I did not know whether to burst out into a shout of
+laughter, or fall a-weeping too, for, ecod! there was an affecting side
+to the affair when our simple old parson tore up the offending
+newspaper in a hundred pieces, all to preserve the fair name of that
+philosopher who had perished of the gout a full thirty years ago.
+
+Cynthia was so greatly shaken, that to defend her from his observation
+I was even moved to indulge in the parson's fondness for the dead
+languages and abstruse theories.  However, I had just induced him to
+quarrel with Cicero on the strength of something that Cicero ought to
+have said and yet had not said at all, when Blodgett returned, bearing
+the ring.
+
+That redoubtable lady observed Cynthia's distress at once, but did not
+put the same construction on it that her master had.
+
+"Very natural to be sure," says she.  "Weddings are strange, exciting
+things, and apt to upset the strongest of us.  I remember the first
+time I went through the ceremony.  I was mortal worried by it."
+
+Mrs. Blodgett having by this time fully entered into the affair, took
+Cynthia in hand.  She insisted that Cynthia should go with her
+upstairs, "to tidy herself like," and be accomplished generally in a
+manner more befitting the occasion.  Indeed so enthusiastic had the
+housekeeper become about it that she even proposed to search for some
+of her own discarded nuptial garments, which she ventured to say with a
+bit of fettling and contriving, a pleat here and a tuck there, Cynthia
+after all might not lack for a wedding-gown.  The conceit of a young
+lady who a week ago had been of the first fashion, appearing as a bride
+in a gown that had once done duty for the admirable Blodgett, convulsed
+me with laughter.  And this behaviour was heightened rather than
+depressed when I recollected that such an attire would consort very
+aptly with the hobnailed appearance of the bridegroom.
+
+During the absence of the ladies upstairs, the parson had the
+forethought to give me a two-shilling-bit, for the purpose of feeing
+the clerk.  I was so struck by this further instance of his generous
+courtesy, that I asked the name of my benefactor, for I swore that I
+would not rest content until I had repaid him.  It seemed that this
+obscure country clergyman bore the name of Scriven.  It is a name as
+far as I can make out, that has not yet come to any eminence in letters
+or the humane arts; nor has it attained to any signal preferment in
+that Church of which it is so true an ornament.  His great learning,
+his simple ingenuous character, his notable generosity, his tenderness
+of heart, his implicit courtesy have never advanced him one step, so
+far as I can gather, in the world's opinion.  For aught I know he is
+still the country parson on his forty pounds or so a year, whilst many
+a sleek old worldling with half of his learning and a tithe of his
+humanity is my lord Bishop riding by in his gilt coach with footmen
+behind it, the recipient of a hundred times more kudos and emolument.
+
+When Cynthia came down again she looked wonderfully spic and span.  Her
+hair had been done into a becoming rustic mode, most admirably neat,
+and showed off its qualities of abundance, gloss and curliness to true
+advantage.  She had not thought fit to call in the aid of Mrs.
+Blodgett's gown it is true, but her own became her as well as another,
+and happily at the same time afforded no index to her degree.  It was a
+plain and simple country dress, sober in hue and severe in its style.
+Yet it fell so exactly into the exquisite lines of her shape, that she
+and the dress became one as it were; and if there was a woman's tailor
+who could have exhibited a lovely figure more artfully than that, she
+must have been good Mrs. Nature herself.  Cynthia, for all her country
+clothes, looked so sweet, arch and dainty too, so much the gentlewoman
+without the affectations that go with _ton_ and "fine," that by their
+absence the breeding that lurked in every inch of her, the carriage of
+her person, slender and small as it was, the set of her head, and the
+cast of her features became more apparent.
+
+These evidences had even an effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  She was mightily
+pleased with her _protégée_.
+
+"I don't know who _you_ are, young man," says she, "and I won't say all
+that's in my mind about you, but I hope you know that you are taking a
+real born lady to wife.  Such white hands I never did see, and such
+pretty ways, saving her presence, as she 'ave too.  You are not a
+quarter good enough, young man, for the likes of her, and just keep
+that in your mind and live up to it.  But I gravely misdoubt me as to
+whether you will, for take you all round you are about as disreppitable
+and low a fellow as ever I saw.  To think that such as you should have
+lured the pretty lamb from her father's house.  But as I've told her,
+it is not yet too late for her to go back again."
+
+Although neither Cynthia nor I was greatly inconvenienced by this crude
+statement of the case, except in the matter of the smiles we strove in
+vain to control, the parson, good, honest man, was not a little
+disconcerted by it.
+
+"Tut, tut!" says he, "my good Blodgett, your tongue runs too fast.
+However excellent the motives may be that inspire you, I could wish you
+had a somewhat less direct manner of expressing them.  I really cannot
+have you intervene between plighted lovers, at the very steps of the
+altar.  And whatever the personality of our young lady, if truth
+compels us to admit that our young gentleman is scarcely so fortunate
+in his physical semblance, I am sure he hath a very nice mind."
+
+With these panegyrics we ultimately got us to church.  Now it is not to
+be expected, I hope, that a man should describe his own nuptials.  If
+there are three acts in his life on which he is the least qualified to
+speak, are not those his birth, his marriage, and his burial?  For in
+not one of them can he testify with any certainty as to whether he went
+through them on his heels or his head.  Besides, I am one who holds
+that there should be a becoming reticence in these things.
+
+I can recall perhaps an empty, musty-smelling church, and the clerk, a
+solemn, unctuous man, with a graveyard cough.  Some little wind of the
+affair had evidently got abroad in the village, owing to the exertions
+of Mrs. Blodgett in quest of the wedding-ring.  Thus the ceremony was
+not so entirely private as we could have wished.  A few women in
+aprons, and some with babes in their arms kept the porch and the
+immediate interior of the church.  It seemed that they did not venture
+to go further owing to their awe of the clerk.  Various ragamuffin
+children of tender years played hide-and-seek round the gravestones and
+their mothers' gowns.  When however the wedding party came along in a
+kind of little procession, they desisted for a minute, and having
+safely seen the parson precede us into the sacred edifice, they put out
+their tongues at Cynthia and myself, and made several references of a
+nature uncomplimentary to us couched in the form of rustic wit.
+
+Mrs. Blodgett had undertaken the office of chief bridesmaid.  She would
+have undertaken that of groomsman too, had I given her the least
+encouragement.  She made an impressive figure at the altar rails, clad
+in a severe black hood; whilst she was quite conscious of her
+conspicuous position, and stood calm and erect in the dignity of her
+infinite experience.  What whispered but animated counsel she proffered
+to Cynthia during the brief period in which we waited for the parson to
+emerge from the vestry, I know not, but I would have given a good deal
+to have been a party to it, for I am sure that if the look on Mrs.
+Cynthia's countenance was any index to its character, it would well
+have been worth setting down in this place.
+
+At the last moment when the tension of our minds was very great, the
+clerk became obstreperous.  He asked parson Scriven in a significant
+undertone for the special licence that was to marry us, as the banns
+had not been put up and cried in church.  Of course we were not
+furnished with anything of the kind.
+
+Parson Scriven, as became his amiable casual character, was not at all
+disconcerted by such an informality.
+
+"Pooh and faugh!" says he.  "Banns and licence, John, stuff and
+nonsense!  Why should an honest couple be hedged about in this way?  If
+they have no licence, upon my soul I will marry them without."
+
+The clerk was scandalized.  The parson, however, would hear no
+argument.  He was not the person to allow his head to interfere with
+the dictates of his heart.
+
+"Parson's main obstinate," said the clerk, scratching his head.  "And I
+do believe he cares no more for law an' regulation than the gypsies on
+the common.  It won't be legal, this won't, but bless you what'll
+parson care!"
+
+So long as we could get this awkward business over we cared as little
+for law and regulation as this singular old clergyman.  Therefore, when
+he disdained the opinions of the clerk, and reiterated his intention to
+marry us, we breathed again.
+
+At last all was ready, and the parson came out of the vestry with his
+book and his gown, and smiled upon us with benevolent self-possession.
+We strung ourselves for the great ordeal.  Yet as a preliminary we were
+confronted with one that we found vastly the more awkward of the two,
+and one that we had not anticipated either.  How we both came to
+overlook it, I know not, unless the palpitation that our minds were in
+was the secret of it.  It had never occurred to us that the parson
+could not marry us unless he was informed of our names.  But when he
+made that very obvious and natural stipulation it came upon us as a
+thunderbolt.  What a pair of arrant fools we were, not to have thought
+of that contingency, and to have provided for it!
+
+When the parson bluntly demanded this of us, we stood staring
+open-mouthed at one another, a pair of zanies.  I pursued a bold
+course, however.  To give our own was out of the question in that
+public place, and more particularly as the newspaper had just
+acquainted the reverend gentleman of my black history.  Therefore, says
+I, with an impudent assurance:
+
+"John Smith and Jane Jones."
+
+"How truly national!" says the officiating clergyman in a rapture of
+sentiment.  "How exquisitely English are these names, to be sure!"
+
+I durst not look at my poor little Cynthia.  But somehow I felt that
+she was trembling and deadly pale, and ready to sink to the ground
+under this humiliation to her native delicacy.  I fear that I was of a
+much coarser grain.  I had suffered too much from the world already to
+be easily bowed with a sense of shame.  "Needs must when the devil
+drives," was a good enough motto for me.  We were in a pretty tight
+corner, and if we ever came out of it at all, we must expect to lose a
+little of our tender skins in doing so.
+
+My little one was most monstrous brave.  Having recovered the
+possession of herself, she set her teeth and went through the thing
+gallantly.  I'faith she was of a good mettle.  In spite of Mrs.
+Blodgett's opinion of my worth, my little miss answered the
+all-important query in such a clear affirmative voice as never was
+heard, and entered into vows of a sort that argued some degree of
+rashness on her part.  Even at the time I was inclined to raise a doubt
+of her ability to be the equal of them.  Nor hath aught subsequently
+transpired to cause me to forego this estimate of the matter.  When we
+had been duly put through these trials, we were led into the vestry to
+write our names in the marriage register.
+
+"Oh, Jack," whispers Cynthia, as we went, "whatever shall we do?  I am
+sure it cannot be legal."
+
+"I am sure I don't know," says I.  "What a folly of mine not to have
+thought of it sooner!"
+
+"It was my place to think of it," says Cynthia.  "The folly is mine."
+
+"No, not at all," says I.  "What have you to do with it, a chit as you
+are?  The folly is mine, I tell you."
+
+"Then I tell you it's not," says Cynthia flatly, and stamping her
+petulant shoe on the very steps of the altar.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR
+
+I am sure it is expected of me to improve this occasion with a few sage
+remarks, for could anything have been more ominous to the prosperity of
+our married life?  But I hope I have too much chivalry in me to say to
+what extent this evil presage has been borne out since, and I dare Mrs.
+Cynthia to do so.  _Revenons à nos moutons_, a phrase I think that
+always looks better in French.  We got through all these important
+matters at last, even to the forging of the honoured names of Jane
+Jones and John Smith, or Jane Smith and John Jones, I forget precisely
+which, in the parish register.  Then having vailed the clerk with the
+parson's two-shilling-bit, and having thanked and bid farewell to our
+kind benefactors, we moved out of the church amid the acclamation of
+the whole female and juvenile population of the village, and got us
+with some speed upon our wedding-tour.
+
+Now we had made about half-a-mile along the highway at a round pace,
+when Cynthia to her great concern discovered that she had carried away
+upon her finger the ring that Mrs. Blodgett had borrowed from a
+neighbour.
+
+"Oh, this will never do," says she.  "We can never rob such kind honest
+people."
+
+"I suppose we cannot," says I, "but the value of that ring will come in
+wonderfully apt this evening when we desire a lodging for our
+weariness."
+
+"Oh, Jack, how can you!" says she.  "We must take it back at once."
+
+And willy-nilly with never another word my pretty one, with a fine
+indignant colour in her face, turned about and set her nose straight
+back to the parson's door.  And taking a material view of the matter,
+honesty was just as good a policy in this case as any other, for when
+we had come to the parson and Cynthia had got her mission off her lips
+and the ring off her finger, all in due time, the kind man was so
+pleased by our worthy behaviour, that says he to Mrs. Blodgett: "There,
+there, what did I say?  I knew you judged them too harshly," and
+straightway invited us to an excellent repast of potherbs and boiled
+mutton, that even then was smoking on the table.
+
+It was about two o'clock in the afternoon when we set out again on our
+travels.  We took the highway, and followed it mile upon mile, through
+pretty hamlets, past inviting inns, lush green meadows, and here and
+there a shady little copse.  Up hill and down dale we went, and always
+in something of a joyful spirit, for no two people could be more happy
+in their freedom, or more careless of what might befall.  The moment
+was enough for us.  We were sound in limb and spirit, stout of heart,
+too, I ween, and my little wife had the sum of twelvepence half penny
+in her pocket.  An avenging law was doubtless pursuing me, and a stern
+parent was most probably pursuing her, but we were so taken up with one
+another that we could think only of our present happiness.  Avaunt dull
+care, it was our wedding journey.
+
+Who could help being happy in the soft airs of the spring afternoon?
+They were so generous, and the sun was so mild and pleasant, that we
+discarded our cloaks, and I bore them both over my arm.  But we were
+not allowed to remain in this paradise very long without being rudely
+reminded of its insecurity.  After awhile, growing hot with our
+exertions and a little weary also, we began to desire a cool shady
+place in which to rest.  A hill more than usually steep lay before us,
+and having toiled to the top, at considerably less of a pace than the
+one at which we had started, found there the spot we were in need of.
+Seating ourselves under a tree covered with snowy blossom we proceeded
+to take our earned repose.  And we had been in this occupation perhaps
+five minutes or so, when our attention was directed to the sound of
+wheels at the foot of the hill we had just overcome.  A pair-horse
+chaise was coming up at a round pace.  It was occupied by two persons,
+and was so striking in colour and design that it was in the distance
+likely to be recognized sooner than the people in it.  This proved to
+be the case.  No sooner had it come into view than Cynthia clutched at
+my arm in a quick, frightened manner.
+
+"Look, look!" says she.  "Oh, what shall we do?  'Tis papa's curricle
+coming up the hill, and on my life, it is papa within it."
+
+I needed no second exhortation.  There was an instant of time in which
+we both looked wildly about us, backwards and forwards, only to
+discover that it was impossible to get away from our present place
+without being caught in the act of doing so.  A hedge was at our back,
+another was on the opposite side of the way, and in front stretched the
+long level surface of the road.  Yet there was just one chance of our
+passing unnoticed, though heaven knows a precarious and remote one!
+There was a slight declivity running under the hedge at our backs.  It
+was a kind of dry ditch, but the bed of it was so shallow that it could
+hardly be dignified by the name of ditch at all.  I commanded Cynthia
+to lie perfectly flat in this, face downwards, and to squeeze herself
+as far into the earth as she could get, whilst I did the same, though
+in regard to the last particular I fear my precept was higher than my
+resolution.  Meantime the chaise came grinding and grunting up the
+hill, at the same smart pace, while we lay in our ridiculously
+inadequate hiding-place, perfectly convinced in our own minds that we
+must be discovered.  What an agony of suspense we lay in, stretched
+full length, Cynthia's head pressed firmly against my heel, and our
+noses nestling in the dry earth!  We durst hardly breathe as the
+carriage came nearer and nearer.
+
+How it was its occupants failed to see us I cannot understand, for we
+could have been scarcely shielded at all from their observation.  But
+sure enough the curricle went past us, and as it did so we could even
+detect the familiar voices issuing out of it, above the noise of the
+horses and the vehicle.  One belonged to my lord the Duke, Mrs.
+Cynthia's papa, a terribly irascible loud-toned voice to be sure;
+whilst the other, smooth, polished and elegant, was that of Mr.
+Humphrey Waring.
+
+When at last they had fairly passed us by at a deuce of a rattle, we
+were able to sit up from our tight positions and show our noses again.
+We gazed at one another solemnly, and then broke into a peal of
+laughter apiece.
+
+"Phew!" says I, "it was as bad a two minutes as ever I've had.  I
+thought papa sounded very angry too."
+
+"Poor papa!" says Cynthia, with a very odd mingling of sorrow and mirth
+in her face.  "I wouldn't have given much for you, sir, had he spied
+us; and for that matter I would have given even less for myself."
+
+"I suppose he is in full pursuit of us?" says I.
+
+"There cannot be a doubt of it," says his daughter.  "And if I know
+anything of his Grace, he'll hardly sleep in his bed again until he
+hath tracked us down.  He's a terrible implacable man when he's
+aroused.  He'll be hunting us night and day, and he'll spend his last
+penny sooner than he'll be baulked by us, now that he hath seen fit to
+start on this business."
+
+"Humph!" says I, "a nice energetic old gentleman to have for a
+father-in-law, to be sure.  And that smooth villain Waring too.  Did
+you not catch his voice also?"
+
+"Yes," says Cynthia, flaming, "the wicked, wretched, contriving
+villain.  What can he hope to get by it all?"
+
+"A wife," says I.
+
+"He's like to go empty-handed there at least," says Cynthia.  "What a
+mercy it was we were married this morning!"
+
+"I doubt whether we were," says I.  "I do not know that the ceremony
+will hold in the sight of the law."
+
+"Then," says Cynthia, "we will be married over again in our real names
+and with a proper licence at the first church we can."
+
+"Nor will that avail you," says I, "when he hath got me hanged."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia grew thoughtful, but says she after a moment's reflection:
+
+"When he does that I will put an ounce of lead into his heart, then I
+can be hanged beside you."
+
+At this perforce I had to capitulate before her ingenuity.
+
+We resumed our way somewhat chastened in spirit.  We looked keenly
+ahead of us along the road as we went, for any sign of the vehicle that
+had lately overtaken us.  Any inn or alehouse that happened to lie at
+the roadside we passed with particular caution, lest our papa and his
+companion should have broken their journey there.  As time went by, and
+we had begun to forget the excellent repast of boiled mutton and
+potherbs with which we had been regaled by parson Scriven, we cast our
+eyes on these wayside places of entertainment with another end in view.
+We were growing honestly tired and hungry.  Coming to one that wore an
+air of unobtrusive respectability and general cleanliness, we
+determined to part with half of our fortune in exchange for some bread
+and cheese and ale.
+
+Having first been at the precaution to convince ourselves that his
+Grace's curricle lingered nowhere about the house, we went in and
+called for our modest refreshment.  And we were engaged in doing
+justice to it with a good deal of zest, when to our great fear we heard
+the sound of wheels on the road, and by the time we could turn round
+and look out of the inn-window a chaise had come to a stand in front of
+the door.  It needed but a glance to tell us that we might have been
+spared our alarm, since it was not the one belonging to Mrs. Cynthia's
+papa.  This was a much less imposing carriage, of a prim colour and
+cast that was designed not to attract any attention.  It contained two
+persons.  The first who alighted from it was a middling drab-coated
+kind of a fellow, smug of countenance, and not to be looked at twice.
+He was doubtless the unliveried servant of a well-to-do tradesman; an
+estimate that was borne out by the deferential, not to say obsequious
+air with which he stood at the side of the vehicle, and assisted the
+second occupant to get out.  This was a vastly more imposing person.
+He was a great fat, heavy-featured man, with an almost overpowering
+consequentialness about him.  He moved with a slow but dignified strut,
+spoke in a very loud voice, and yet there was a tone of affable
+condescension about him too that was very baffling.  He might be the
+mayor or an alderman of some provincial town, some local big-wig, or
+even a pursy magnate of commerce.
+
+By the time he had moved in his heavy dignity into the room in which
+Cynthia and I were seated at our bread and cheese, the landlord had
+taken note of his visitor, and had come forward to greet him with all
+the respectful familiarity of one who was happy to meet again an old
+and cherished and highly-valued client.
+
+"No other than Mr. John Jeremy, by all that's wonderful," says the
+landlord, bowing and smiling.  "_The_ Mr. John Jeremy, as I'm a
+licensed victualler."
+
+No sooner had the landlord uttered the name than I looked hastily at
+Cynthia, and she looked hastily at me.  Where had we heard that name so
+recently, and in what connexion?  Suddenly the same flash of
+recollection illuminated the minds of us both.  It was the name of the
+celebrated Bow Street runner, as given in the _London Gazette_.  I
+think we both went hot and then cold.  But when the first emotion of
+surprise was overpast, a dogged resolution succeeded to it and with it
+a determination to put, if need be, as bold a face upon the matter as
+we could.  After all there was nothing about us by which we could be
+identified.  Appearances were certainly in our favour; and the black
+eye I had that morning received from the farmer was not the least
+likely thing of all to stand me in good stead.
+
+"Sit tight," I whispered to her, "and we'll keep asipping out of the
+same pot as unconcerned as possible."
+
+Mr. Jeremy having seated himself with majestic negligence at a table
+immediately opposite us, turned to his companion and says:
+
+"Wattle you 'ave, Willum?"
+
+"Make it porter," says Willum, in a voice of extreme melancholy.
+
+"Wattle you 'ave, Mr. Johnson?" says Mr. Jeremy, addressing the host, a
+reel-faced worthy of simple ways, who seemed pleased with himself and
+all the world.
+
+"Make it porter, Mr. Jeremy, as you're so haffable," says he; "and what
+might be your own?"
+
+"If you 'ave any of that there sloe-gin, mine's sloe-gin," says Mr.
+Jeremy.
+
+These preliminaries being arranged to the satisfaction of all
+concerned, and the host having retired to fetch the refreshment, Mr.
+Jeremy remarked to his companion with a wonderful air of reflection:
+"Honest, unassooming feller."
+
+"Very," says the other, more gloomily than ever.
+
+Mr. Jeremy then observed us for the first time.  We returned his gaze
+with one of the most simple unconcern.
+
+"Nice day," says he.
+
+"Very," says I heartily.
+
+Here the host returned with the refreshment, and having pledged each
+other, they drank solemnly and copiously.
+
+"Well, Mr. Jeremy," says the host, "what are you after this time?  It's
+a murder, I know, for you to be taking it on.  You never do nothing
+under a murder, you don't, as I've heard you say."
+
+"You don't mean to say as you 'aven't 'eard?" says Mr. Jeremy.  "The
+whole case was printed in this morning's _Gazette_.  It's no small
+thing, this isn't, I can tell you.  The quality's in it, to start with."
+
+"Ha!" says the landlord, with breathless interest.  "Is it a hanging
+matter?"
+
+"Of course," says Mr. Jeremy.  "And a hearl, and a thorough bad lot
+too.  A thorough wicked feller with a record as black as your hat.  I
+always say when one of that sort goes wrong he's much worse than
+ord'nary."
+
+"If it's you that says it, Mr. Jeremy, there can be no manner of doubt
+about it," says the landlord.
+
+He appeared to hang on every word that the man from Bow Street uttered.
+That worthy gentleman who was by no means unaware of the impression he
+created, was at pains in a dozen little ways to heighten it.  Now and
+then he would halt in a mysterious manner, wink and nod, and then
+continue in a truly oracular way.  It was plain that he felt himself to
+be a man of a great reputation, and it would certainly be no fault of
+his if he failed to sustain it.  Nor was he content to work on the mind
+of the landlord, but continually looked across at us to see what effect
+he was having on our susceptibilities.  Observing this, I began at once
+to betray an interest in all he thought fit to say and do; an interest
+more exaggerated than the landlord's even, and certainly less sincere.
+
+"Are you the great Mr. John Jeremy from Bow Street, sir?" says I at the
+first opportunity.  I asked it in a voice of as much timidity as I
+could summon, as one astonished at his boldness.
+
+Instead of replying, the gentleman from Bow Street closed his eyes in
+exquisite self-satisfaction, threw his head back against the wall and
+folded his arms across his chest.
+
+"How can you ask?" says the landlord, replying for him.  "Who else can
+he be?  I should ha' thought your eyes would ha' told you that with one
+look at him."
+
+"I am very proud to meet you, sir," says I, and added, turning to
+Cynthia: "Who would have thought it, Betsy, that you and I of all
+people would ever have met the great Mr. Jeremy from Bow Street in
+London."
+
+"Don't mention it," says Mr. Jeremy, opening his eyes with vast
+condescension.
+
+"Oh, Mr. Jeremy," says my little Cynthia, playing up to her part in the
+comedy with admirable instinct, "would you--could you let me have a
+peep at the--at the handcuffs?"
+
+Mr. Jeremy needed no second invitation to exhibit the badges of his
+office.  He took them from his pocket and laid them on the table with
+an air.  And nothing would content Cynthia but she must rise from her
+seat, go over to the gentleman from Bow Street, and have the manacles
+clapped upon her wrists to see how they felt.  Her curiosity was very
+prettily and justly simulated.  It was done to the life, and no one
+could have been more pleased by it than Mr. Jeremy.
+
+Not content with thrilling Cynthia with the handcuffs, the gentleman
+from Bow Street was anxious to impress everybody else.  He presently
+produced the warrant for the wicked earl's arrest; also a handbill
+offering one hundred pounds reward for any information that should lead
+to the apprehension of the person whose full description was contained
+therein.
+
+"But that's only a matter of form, you know," says Mr. Jeremy.  "I've
+already got all the information that I want in this 'ere," Mr. Jeremy
+solemnly tapped his forehead.  "It's only a work of time.  We knows
+everything about him: his age, his height, his complexion, his general
+appearance, how he was drest, and his religious views.  All there is to
+know of him we knows.  I wouldn't give a snap of the fingers for that
+man, no that I wouldn't, not if you paid me to do it."
+
+"Wonderful!" says the landlord, his eyes dilated with admiration.
+"Wonderful smart!  What a mind you must have, sir."
+
+"_I_ didn't say so," says Mr. Jeremy, "Though I wouldn't contradict you
+there.  A feller's got to have a mind for our perfession.  A numscull
+can't make head or tail of it, can't a numscull.  It's observation that
+does it, d'ye see?  You've got to put two and two together, and to know
+how many beans make five.  Now in the case of this 'ere hearl, I've
+made such a liberal use o' my faculties that the noose is as good as
+round his neck.  Pore feller, I'm sorry for him."
+
+Mr. Jeremy's sorrow was reproduced in the face of each one of his
+hearers.  In that of his man and the innkeeper it was sincere enough,
+and at least in mine and Cynthia's it was very well simulated.  One and
+all professed the greatest admiration for the gentleman's genius.  To
+be sure, in what way it had been manifested was not very clear; but as
+his speech, his behaviour, and the airs he gave himself furnished
+incontestable proofs of its possession, how could we help doing homage
+to it?  He sat like a potentate, and received the court we paid to him
+as by no means more than his due.  But he was generous as well as
+great, for having ordered his own glass to be replenished, he asked us
+all to name our tipple, wherein we had the privilege of drinking his
+health.
+
+As soon as we felt that we could slip off without attracting any
+particular attention to our going, we took the road again.  Yet in the
+precautions we were at to get away as little observed as might be, we
+were more ill-served than by an ostentatious departure.  For our one
+object being to retire quickly and privily, we discovered when we had
+gone a few yards on the road that we had not paid our reckoning.  Thus
+when the landlord awoke to this fact, we should be much more freely
+discussed and commented on than by paying our score and effecting our
+retirement at our leisure.  Cynthia, who had a wonderful itch of
+honesty, was mightily put out, and was all for going back and for
+requiting the landlord at any cost.  But I demurred to this strongly.
+The sooner we put a few country miles between ourselves and Mr. Jeremy
+the better, said I.  Yet Cynthia argued more subtly, and more justly,
+as I was fain to allow.  Mr. Jeremy and the innkeeper had taken no
+suspicion of us to the time of our leaving the inn, said she, and if we
+were at the trouble to go back again, frankly admit our lapse of
+memory, and even go out of our way to behave honestly, we should be far
+more likely to continue in their good graces, than if we left them in
+the lurch as I proposed.  In that event we should infallibly get
+ourselves and our concerns talked about.
+
+Admitting the justness of this reasoning, I consented after a brief
+argument to our going back.  Mrs. Cynthia was pleased indeed, partly
+because this course was such a tribute to her wisdom, and again because
+she would not have to carry on her nice conscience an act that fretted
+it.  When we re-entered the inn it seemed that the landlord had already
+discovered his loss, and was in the very act of calling us harsh names.
+Indeed he was so occupied with this and was expressing himself so
+fervently, whilst Mr. Jeremy laughed at him in a humorous key, that he
+was not conscious of the fact that we stood behind him, until I said:
+
+"I quite agree with you, host, in all you have said, if such was our
+intention.  But as it happens, nothing could be farther from it.  The
+moment we discovered our omission, we returned to rectify it."
+
+The landlord was in a great taking when he heard my voice at his back.
+Having listened to his apologies that were no less fervent than his
+previous abuse, and having taken them in very good part, I demanded to
+know the amount of the score, and smiled at Mr. Jeremy while I did so,
+in an intimate way, for I judged a display of some little familiarity
+towards him was the most calculated to propitiate that gentleman.
+
+Eightpence was the score, a sum fortunately well within our truly
+modest means.  But judge of our desperate chagrin an instant later when
+Cynthia, the custodian of our poor fortune, having felt in all her
+pockets, declared that the purse which contained it was not to be
+found.  Search as she might, there was never a trace of it.  We stared
+at one another blankly, and then at the landlord, and then at Mr.
+Jeremy.  It was this last good gentleman who saved the situation for
+us, since he burst out a-laughing.  Thereon I broke into a roar; and
+presently Cynthia, Willum, and the landlord were roaring too.  And
+could anything have been more ludicrous than two persons leaving an inn
+without paying the reckoning, and wending all the way back again for
+the purpose of rectifying the error with devil a penny between them
+with which to do so!
+
+Under cover of the commotion that this discovery provoked, I racked my
+wits to find an excuse for our behaviour.
+
+"You may laugh, gentlemen," says I, with a sudden gravity, "but it is
+no laughing matter for us, let me tell you.  My wife's pocket hath been
+picked, and how we are to get back home with not so much as a penny
+between us, strike me dead if I can say!"
+
+"Why, 'tis a case for Mr. Jeremy's genius," says Cynthia, smiling at
+that flattered person in a most bewitching manner.  "He must devise us
+a means out of his infinite wit."
+
+"Peace, woman," says I, angrily.  "Is it not enough then that you
+should lose all our travelling money and bring us into disgrace with
+our honest host, whom we are unable to requite for his hospitality, but
+you must lose the control of that unlucky tongue too, and let it grow
+so familiar with the name and attainments of one of the foremost
+persons of his age that it brings us into disrepute with him also?"
+
+I spoke with my tongue in my cheek to be sure, and Cynthia more than
+once had to bite her lips to restrain her merriment.  But Mr. Jeremy
+nodded his head delightedly all the time, and purred with satisfaction.
+
+"No offence, no offence," says that gentleman.  "Don't mind me, my
+pretty one.  But since you ask my opinion as to 'ow you shall get back
+home again, I think after carefully considering all the circumstances,
+the only means I can discover is 'Shanks's mare.'"
+
+"Ha ha! he he!" we all laughed at this desperate piece of wit.
+
+The upshot was that we were allowed to depart indebted to the innkeeper
+in the sum of eightpence.  The loss of our money was a blow.  Why it
+should have been I cannot tell, for after all it was very little the
+right side of destitution.  Cynthia was quite unable to say in what
+manner she had lost it, and when I came to put a few shrewd questions
+to her on the subject, she was so vague in her ideas and so uncertain
+in her answers, that it became a moot point at last whether her fortune
+of twelvepence halfpenny had not existed from the first in her
+imagination only.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE
+
+It was about sundown now.  We had not so much as a penny to purchase a
+loaf of bread.  Night was coming on; there were no friends to whom we
+might recommend ourselves; and at least two parties of persons were
+engaged in hunting us down in that vicinity.  To set against these
+inconveniences we had only our liberty and our comradeship; and
+although our bellies were like to go empty, and our heads unpillowed
+that night, and for full many a weary one to come, we did not rail
+against our lot.  We were as free as the air and could defy the polite
+conventions.  Lest we should fall in again with Mr. Waring and our
+papa, or less dangerously with Mr. Jeremy, we decided to forsake the
+high road and its publicity, and take to the fields.  All ways were
+alike to us; north, south, east, and west, it did not matter.
+
+We had not gone far across the country when the twilight overtook us.
+We did not view it with the least apprehension, however.  The night
+promised to be so mild, and we were so warmly found against it with our
+cloaks and thick clothes, that another evening couch in a barn or a
+cowhouse would not greatly daunt us.  Indeed we had already made up our
+minds to this, unless Providence should throw a more luxurious one in
+our path.  In the event this proved to be the case, for after awhile
+our wanderings brought us to a kind of common, across which smoke was
+seen to be rising.  It came from a fire of sticks as we presently
+found, and on coming to it, we discovered ourselves in the midst of a
+gypsy encampment.
+
+Four or five persons of a dirty, ragged and uncouth sort, were busying
+themselves about the fire in various ways.  One was tending it with
+fuel, another was adjusting a great cooking-pot that sat in the midst
+of the embers, a third was cleaning a clasp-knife with a piece of rag
+and a tuft of grass, a fourth had two parts of a flute in his hand and
+was striving to fix them together; an old woman sat staring into the
+blaze with her hands on her knees, smoking a pipe; and a young woman,
+by no means destitute of a swarthy beauty, sat beside her with a child
+at her breast.
+
+The reception we met with at the hands of these simple strange people
+was at first reserved and suspicious to a degree.  One of the men
+addressed us in a barbarous tongue, the like of which I have neither
+heard before nor since.  I could not make a word out of it.  Showing
+plainly that we were at a loss in this language, the man translated it
+into good if a trifle rustic English:
+
+"What do you want?" says he roughly.
+
+"Leave to sit down by your cheerful fire a little," I replied.  They
+were in no hurry to extend this permission to us, but by the time that
+Cynthia with excellent tact had greatly admired the babe in its
+mother's arms, and I, who amongst my accomplishments pride myself as
+being somewhat of an amateur of the flute, had pieced that instrument
+together, for its owner did not appear to understand much about it, and
+had been at pains to make ourselves agreeable to our company in several
+ways, their gruff reserve grew sensibly less.  And shortly, so much did
+our addresses have their effect, that we found ourselves seated around
+the fire, with a pleasant odour of cookery tickling our noses.  For
+after all bread and cheese and ale, although excellent in themselves to
+be sure, do not form a very enduring diet.
+
+By the time the meal was ready the moon had risen.  Sitting in the
+midst of these strange gypsy people, beside a bright fire that threw up
+its flames to the open fields, and clothed trees and hedges and the sky
+itself with a vagueness and mystery that we had never noticed in them
+before, we became possessed with a sense of the weirdness of the shapes
+about us.  They made the folk we had come amongst seem more singular
+than they might otherwise have appeared.  However, the meal we
+presently partook of in their company did much to alleviate this
+feeling of strangeness.  When the lid was taken off the hissing
+cauldron, and platters, spoons and knives were produced, the circle
+about the fire was increased by the arrival of other gypsies of various
+ages and both sexes.
+
+As their guests, they had the courtesy to serve us first.  From the pot
+was produced a hot and grateful mess, that to persons with appetites
+sharpened to the degree that ours were, was deliriously palatable.  It
+appeared to consist of fowls, mutton, hares, onions, and potatoes, and
+probably other meats and vegetables not so easy to detect.  We were
+also given some excellent ale in a great horn tumbler, and a hunch of
+barley bread apiece.  We feasted indeed on the liberal fare, and were
+fain to pay a second visit to the cauldron.
+
+It was to be remarked that our entertainers were much better disposed
+toward us after supper than before.  Their suspicion and reserve melted
+more and more, and instead of using the Romany language, ordered their
+conversation in ours, that we might take some profit of their
+intercourse.  They all showed this amenable disposition with the
+exception of the old crone, who had supped only on tobacco, preferring
+her pipe to the lustier fare of the cauldron.  She would have none of
+us.  We could clearly see the expression of her lowering, tawny face,
+since she sat opposite to us, full in the glare of the fire.  This
+indifference to us was more than passive.  We discerned with some
+uneasiness that it amounted to positive dislike.  She would stare at us
+whole minutes together, while a concentrated malignity came into her
+already sufficiently ugly face.  She would then mutter incoherently
+under her breath.  Once she spat venomously into the fire.  At last,
+after staring at us longer and more resentfully than usual, she
+clutched a fellow who sat beside her fiercely by the arm.  She talked
+to him with great energy, and ended with something that sounded of the
+nature of an imprecation.  As she did so she shook her finger at our
+faces.  Whatever her communication was, the man was much discomposed by
+it.  He nodded, infused a certain malignity too in the look with which
+he regarded us, and then addressed several of his companions very much
+in the manner that the old woman had addressed him.
+
+Cynthia, who had observed these signs as keenly as I had, grew alarmed.
+Nor was this unreasonable in her, for such were the weight of the old
+crone's objections to us, whatever their nature, that before long they
+had spread to the whole community.  Thus we soon found ourselves in the
+unpleasant position of being the cynosure of all their eyes, the
+objects at which their fingers were wagged, and against whom their
+passionate talk was directed.  But we suffered from the additional
+misfortune of being unable to understand a single word, and were thus
+quite at a loss to know wherein we had offended.  It was the man with
+the flute who presently enlightened us.  Probably his devotion to
+music, one of the liberal arts, gave him a more humane cast than his
+brethren.  Indeed at this moment he alone seemed friendly towards us.
+
+"Old Goody does not like the set o' ye," says he.  "You will bring
+ill-luck upon us wandering folk, she thinks."
+
+"What does she object to in us?"
+
+"Nay," says he, "that is more than I can say.  She is as full of
+prediction, whimsies, and foreboding as a dog-fox is of cunning.  She
+has lived a long while, d'ye see, and can read the signs.  She has
+forseen many a corpse, by looking at the moon.  Many's the man-child
+she's brought into the world.  And only last year when she heard the
+wind soughing through the branches, she told not only the day but the
+very hour that Jerry Boswell came to be hanged."
+
+This sinister reference did nothing to ease us.  Looking around, the
+cunning and superstition that was everywhere about us took a direr
+significance.  As their resentment in no wise abated, it struck us that
+we should do well to resume our way.  But the man with the flute
+assured us that we were under no necessity, for since we had sat at
+meat with them, the mischief, if any, was already done.  He said
+besides that his people were the civillest in the world, and whatever
+their fear of us, they would be the last to visit their dislike upon
+us.  As the fire was so bright and genial, and our present position,
+despite any little inconveniences that might arise therefrom, was so
+much more to be desired than any other we were likely to lie in that
+night, we were seduced to remain.  It may have been against our better
+judgment that we took this course, or like the gypsies themselves, we
+may have had an instinct of something impending, for in the end we were
+to rue it bitterly.
+
+Our friend with the flute, doubtless to compose the minds of his more
+nervous brethren, began a strange sort of melody.  It was played not
+very well to be sure, but they gave an alert attention to it that
+furnished an instance of the power of music on untutored minds.
+Presently one of the women broke into a song to match the air.  It was
+in the gypsy language, and though sung in a low crooning voice and a
+primitive fashion, it was by no means unpleasing, whilst its weird
+character was highly appropriate to the place in which it was
+performed.  The rude audience was vastly soothed by it too; their
+fierce looks grew softer; and soon they fell to regarding the music
+entirely instead of Cynthia and myself.
+
+When the flute-player had given his melody, he politely handed the
+instrument to me, with the request that if I had any skill in the art I
+should give one also.  Being as I have said an amateur of the flute,
+and being like all other amateurs as I have observed, never in any
+situation averse to display my poor aptitude, I struck up a ranting air
+from the _Beggar's Opera_.  I was surprised to find how excellent the
+instrument was, and was therefore able to enter into the performance as
+much for my own gratification as for theirs.  When I had finished I was
+agreeably surprised to find how warmly my efforts were received.  The
+former player wrung my hand, and, strange as it may appear, many eyes
+shone about me with pleasure and admiration.  Nothing would content
+them but I must play again.  Mightily pleased with my success, as every
+person who seeks the approbation of the public invariably is, I needed
+no second invitation, but ventured on a more ambitious piece.  With
+many a spring and trill and roulade I ranted it into their ears.  They
+followed me with rapt attention, and again and again would have me
+play.  How long I continued to do so I do not know.  For seeing the
+singular pleasure they took from it, I should have been a churl indeed
+not to gratify such hospitable and simple people.  Therefore I poured
+out all the tunes I knew for their behoof.
+
+Little did we reck however of the calamity that was about to befall us.
+The old woman, it is true, had had a premonition of something
+impending.  Had it been concerned with the effect as well as the cause
+much might have been spared us.  As it was, no catastrophe could have
+come more swiftly, unexpectedly, or completely.  I was still in the
+height of my music, and the group around the fire were absorbed in it
+wholly, when this unhappy interruption came.  Without a sound of
+warning a dozen forms or more suddenly sprang into being out of a ditch
+hard by, and rushed into our midst.  By the light of the moon we could
+observe enough of them as they came to see that they were armed with
+formidable staves, and clearly meant mischief.
+
+We had only just time to spring to our feet before they were upon us.
+What their business was we did not stay to inquire; indeed, it was soon
+evident that my friends, the gypsies, were only too intimately
+acquainted with it.  Without passing a word they resisted this
+onslaught with all the vigour they could summon.  One or two ran into
+the tents close at hand to procure weapons of defence; others produced
+their knives; whilst the old crone, who along among the gypsy women was
+not barefooted snatched off one of her boots and brandished it
+fiercely.  As for Cynthia and I, we were so taken aback by this strange
+situation that we did not know what course to pursue.  We had neither
+art nor part in this quarrel whatever its nature.  Besides, we were
+weaponless and utterly at a loss to understand whether submission or
+resistance might serve us the better.
+
+The aggressors, whatever their impetuosity, stopped short at first of
+actual violence.  Seeing the uncompromising attitude of the gypsies,
+the foremost man, a fine strapping fellow as ever I saw, halted a few
+yards off, put up his hand to speak, and said with a great air of
+authority:
+
+"Now, you Egyptians, let me give you a word of advice before we come to
+blows.  You have no chance at all.  You are outnumbered by three to
+one, and whatever blood is shed, will be to your hurt.  Whatever polls
+are broken will not save any man Jack of you a hanging.  I summon you
+to put down your weapons, and the women shall go free.  But I arrest
+every man of you in the name of the High Sheriff for stealing sheep."
+
+The reply of the sheep-stealers was brief enough in all conscience.
+
+"Take that!" cried the old woman, flinging her boot at the speaker's
+head.
+
+It was the signal for the battle to begin.  My friend the flute-player
+followed up the boot by hitting the spokesman of the law full in the
+face with his fist.  Thereon blows fell thick and fast and furious on
+every side.  The Sheriff's men closed up, nor did the gypsies budge an
+inch.  Without a weapon of any sort, as I was, I had to bear my part
+perforce, since there was no opportunity to explain that I was neither
+a gypsy nor a stealer of sheep.  But even had it offered, I could never
+have embraced it.  Just as a man may be known by the company he keeps,
+he is at the same time laid under the obligation to defend his friends.
+
+My first care, of course, was for Cynthia.  As the Sheriff's men were
+not likely to molest her should she run away out of reach of harm, I
+insisted on her doing so.  I had to be firm with her too, since she was
+by no means disposed to separate from me in this pass.  She would
+either have me come with her or she would stay where she was.  The
+first alternative was impracticable even had I wished to embrace it.
+The enemy were all about us by now, and I should not have been
+permitted to go; and the second put her personal safety into such a
+jeopardy that I had to be very stern.  Thereon she unwillingly complied.
+
+No sooner had she gone than I slipped the flute in my pocket and
+prepared to take a hand in the defence.  As I had no other weapons I
+had to employ my hands.  Had the conditions been equal I could have
+wished no better.  But they were little likely to prevail against
+superior numbers, armed with staves.  Indeed, from the first,
+submission would have been the wiser course for us all, as the gypsies
+were at such a disadvantage that they had no chance.  Yet blows were
+dealt with mighty goodwill on both sides; sometimes the upholders of
+the law went down, but more often the breakers of it.  Presently two
+fellows with cudgels in their hands made to seize me by the collar,
+whereon I dealt the most assiduous of the twain so shrewd a crack on
+the point of the jawbone as laid him low.  The other fellow came at me
+furiously with his stave, and I had barely time to whisk my head aside
+and so get it clear of the blow that was aimed at it.  I was hastening
+to follow up this delicate attention with a few of my own, when a third
+adversary unseen came behind me, and gave me such a tap at the side of
+the head as brought me to the ground bleeding and half insensible.
+
+Before I could make any attempt to gather myself again, a pair of knees
+were in the middle of my chest, and a strong hand half choked the life
+out of my throat.  I was in no condition to kick or struggle much; but
+whatever the philosophy of my temper in the piping times of peace,
+devil a bit did I exercise of it now.  Bleeding and breathless as I
+was, I resisted with what was in the circumstances an absurd tenacity;
+and it was some little time, after a great display of energy on both
+sides that two or three of my enemies ultimately secured me, bound my
+hands and raised me to my feet.  And I hope the reader will observe
+that I again insist that it took two or three persons to conclude this
+unfortunate business, as it did to inaugurate it.  I know not what vain
+glory it is in a man that makes him so punctilious in matters of this
+sort.
+
+By the time I had been overcome and raised on to my feet in fetters,
+the affair was almost decided.  There could be but one ending; and very
+soon the unfortunate gypsies were all of them captive too, with cords
+round their wrists, and most of them bloody of bearing.  No time was
+lost in marching us away to the nearest magistrate.  There seemed about
+a score of armed men to take the custody of us.  In the haste with
+which everything was carried out, in the uncertain moonlight, and in
+the dull vague condition of mind that the shock of events, to name only
+one cause, had induced, I had not the smallest opportunity of taking
+farewell of Cynthia.  Nor had she any means of approaching me, seeing
+how sedulously we were guarded, and how promptly we were marched away.
+
+The whole thing was begun and ended so swiftly that this very
+grandiloquent and self-important quill-pen hath made, I find, an
+incomparably greater business of it than ever it was in itself.  It can
+never bring its dignity down to the subordinate office of the relation
+of a plain piece of history, but is all for the frills and the
+trimmings.  Do not be deceived into thinking, therefore, that this
+country brawl was as great as the battle of Marathon.  But at least, at
+the time the consequences were to me very poignant.  As we were dragged
+along over the stubble and through the moonlight, we knew not whither,
+I was more stunned by my evil fortune than by the blow I had come by in
+the argument, notwithstanding that as I walked the blood trickled in a
+thin warm stream on to my coat.  For a person in my circumstances to
+fall into the hands of the law in a hedge scuffle in an alien quarrel,
+was about as scurvy an accident as could possibly happen.  I was truly
+between the devil and the deep sea.  To clear myself of the charge of
+being a gypsy and a sheep-stealer, I should be compelled to expose my
+identity, and in doing so should but fall out of the frying-pan into
+the fire.
+
+There was another side to the matter, equally black.  Whatever would
+happen to Cynthia?  Was she not left utterly destitute, without a
+friend, in a foreign country?  Even in the extreme unlikelihood of my
+regaining my freedom, neither of us would know where to seek the other,
+and thus at a time when it was so imperative that we should be
+together, we should be wrenched apart.  Look at the case as I might, I
+could derive no crumb of comfort from it.
+
+It was in a great depression of spirit then that I was haled, weak,
+bleeding, and encumbered along the country lanes to meet my fate.  What
+it was likely to be I did not exactly know, but look at the matter how
+I would, there seemed to be but one natural ending to it.  I was parted
+from my poor little wife, doubtless for ever; and if I did not come to
+the gallows for murder or stealing sheep, I must perforce end my days
+in a debtor's prison.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY
+
+We had marched along for what seemed to me in my unhappy state an
+intolerable period, although I suppose actually the time was less than
+an hour, when we passed through the gates of a great house.  When the
+porter came out of his lodge to let us through, and held his lantern
+against the iron-work, I observed that the device of the family wrought
+therein had a strangely familiar appearance.  There was something about
+the porter too that awoke all sorts of remote recollections in my mind.
+As we went along the paths, even the situation of the trees that
+skirted them added to this impression.  And when we came at last on to
+the lawn, and the house itself was clearly exposed in the moonlight, a
+cry of surprise almost escaped my lips, for the place had once been my
+own.
+
+It was a house in which a great part of my boyhood had been spent, and
+one that I had inherited at my father's death.  It was but a little
+while that it remained in my hands, however, for one night, having lost
+much more than I cared about over a game of piquet, I think it was, in
+a desperate attempt to retrieve my fortunes, I staked this precious
+house upon the cards and lost it also, to a fellow as reckless as
+myself.  It is impossible to say, therefore, what my emotions were at
+this my strange return to the home of my childhood, and the seat for
+many a generation of those whose name I bore.  But I think that the
+first moment of recognition over, my tendency was towards laughter, for
+could anything have been more comical than that I should be brought in
+such a company, and on such a charge, to this of all the places in the
+world?
+
+Even the fellow who replied to the summons on the great hall-door, I
+remembered nearly as well as my own father, for I ought to tell you
+that servants, furniture and plate had passed over with the property.
+We were kept waiting without whilst the head-constable or chief officer
+among our captors went in to confer with the magistrate.  In the end it
+was decided that we should be brought before the justice in person.  He
+was said to have been a prime mover in the matter from the first, and
+was highly incensed against the unfortunate gypsies.
+
+"We could not have come to a worse place," said my friend the
+flute-player, who stood beside me.  "This is the house of Sir Thomas
+Wheatley, a hard man, and the biggest enemy to us poor folk of any one
+about.  If his name and interest count for anything, we shall all of us
+infallibly be hanged."
+
+There were eight of us prisoners, and we were presently led into Sir
+Thomas's presence.  When we were brought into the fine dining-room that
+I knew so well, every inch of which was so familiar to me, in which
+every object of vertu and article of furniture was a thing so well
+recollected that even in this predicament I could not refrain from
+regarding them with pride and affection, how can I indicate the flood
+of emotions that surged in my head?  After all, a man in the depths of
+his abandonment is something more than a piece of wood.
+
+The justice was a common type of person enough; a man in middle life,
+who doubtless lived well and drank much, to judge by his purple cheeks
+and the somewhat puffed appearance of his body.  He was a middling sort
+of man in every way; middling in his stature, in his mind and in his
+character, and more especially so, as we were to discover, in his
+thoughts and ideas.  He affected the very nicest style of the squire in
+his dress, was highly formal in his deportment; and he sat playing
+cards with another fellow, apparently not so much for the amusement of
+himself or the entertainment of his friend, but rather as one who
+followed a dignified occupation in a dignified way.  In his every word,
+gesture and motion he had an indescribable air of one sitting for his
+picture.  He was in a towering rage, it is true, but it was a rage that
+appeared not to spring from the heat of his blood, for he was of that
+lethargic habit, which does not rise to heats of any sort.  He was in a
+towering rage, because it was expected of one of his position and
+sentiments to be in one at such a time.  Therefore, when we poor
+prisoners had been ranged along the wall, he put down his cards with
+great deliberation, slowly wheeled his chair round towards us, put
+together his thumbs, and looked us all over with a noble indignation.
+
+"Soh!" says the justice, counting us carefully.  "One, two,
+three--eight of you fairly taken; eight cut-throat rogues that most
+richly merit a hanging.  And a hanging you shall get if there is any
+law left in the country.  I will commit you at once, so help me I will!
+Fetch me pen and ink somebody, and I'll fill in the mittimus.  I hope
+you are mightily ashamed of yourselves, you wicked, blackamoor
+villains."
+
+"Can you not see that they are, good Tommie?" says the man with whom he
+was playing at cards.  "They are as ashamed as the devil was when he
+singed the hairs on his tail through overheating his parlour."
+
+The solemn justice was somewhat shocked at this piece of levity.  He
+frowned at his companion, and coughed to cover his annoyance.  The man
+who had spoken to this disconcerting tenor appeared rather a singular
+fellow.  It was difficult to say who or what he might be.  Of a rather
+massive frame, he had a countenance that recommended him to the
+curious.  His features were large and bold, with an aquiline nose, a
+devil of a chin, and a short upper lip.  His face shone with wassail
+and intemperate excess; there was a deal of sensuality in it, and more
+than a suggestion of coarseness, but it was for none of these things
+that it was remarkable.  There was something besides that was baffling
+and indescribable to a degree, that drew one's attention to it again
+and again.  It was a face of marvellous humorous animation, with the
+mockery of a devil and the candour of a saint.  It was as prodigal of
+wit as it was of appetite; of majesty and mischief; of impudence and
+nobility.  It was the face of a poet and a sot.  Here, apparently, was
+a great heart, a humane spirit overlaid with flesh and infirmities.  I
+think I was never so arrested by a countenance before, and certainly
+never more puzzled by one.
+
+"Why do you propose to hang these gentlemen, Tommie?" says this
+whimsical fellow, with a mockery in his eyes and a curl of the lip that
+made the justice more uncomfortable than ever.  "Have they picked a few
+hazel-twigs off your honour's footpaths?"
+
+"Oh lord, Harry, I pray you be a little serious," says the justice.
+"These are gypsies and sheep-stealers; villains and rascals all."
+
+"They are beyond our prayers then," says Harry.  "The law must take its
+course.  Even if it could overlook the rape of the mutton, it could
+never condone the colour of their hair.  _Lex citius tolerare vult
+privatum damnum quam publicum malum_.  There you are as pat and
+pragmatical as Marcus Tullius Cicero.  I tell you, Tommie, the world
+lost a great lawyer when I became a hackney writer."
+
+While this was going forward I had collected a few of my wits and had
+determined on the course to pursue.  Unless by hook or by crook I could
+seize these precious moments prior to our committal to prison in which
+to put myself right or regain my freedom, all chance would be gone.
+Jack Tiverton was as dear to the law as a sheep-stealing gypsy, and
+once before a judge I must prove myself to be the one before I could
+prove I was not the other.  Therefore I boldly seized the occasion.
+
+"I beg your worship's pardon," says I, humbly; "but surely you will not
+commit a man without evidence?  And there is not a tittle of evidence
+against me.  I am neither a gypsy nor a sheep-stealer."
+
+I was several times interrupted in the course of this little address by
+one of our custodians, who continued to pluck at my sleeve, and
+enjoined me in audible whispers to hold my impertinent tongue.  The
+justice was astounded by my audacity in daring to address him, and grew
+as red and pompous as a turkey-cock.
+
+"How dare you, fellow, talk to me?" says he.  "If I had the power I
+would commit you twice over for your insolent presumption, yes I would,
+so help me."
+
+"Yes, Tommie, you would, so help you," says his friend.  "The spirit of
+Hector; ye speak like Priam's son.  How dare the fellow ask to hear the
+evidence when you have had the magnanimity to commit him without it?
+Does he forget too that when innocence ceases to suffer it will no
+longer be the highest wisdom to be a rogue?"
+
+I was likely to profit nothing by these protestations of my innocence.
+This justice was evidently of the worst type of magistrate.  He was too
+high and mighty to imperil his preconceived opinions by entering into
+the merits of the matter.  He was too lofty to argue; too swollen with
+self-esteem to be affronted with facts.  All persons who were brought
+before him must be guilty of some crime or other, otherwise they would
+not have come there; and he held that he had discharged his office with
+credit to himself and with profit to his country when he had
+impartially committed them to gaol.  I soon came to the conclusion
+therefore that it would be impossible to prevail on a man of this mould
+with a simple relation of the case, or expect to meet with any
+suggestion of justice at his hands.  I must try a more uncompromising
+method; and that an exceedingly bold one.  I must prove to him beyond
+all doubt that I was far other than an ignorant gypsy, taking the risk
+of the revelation of my true identity, and any consequences that might
+ensue.  For that matter if I must go to gaol, I might just as well go
+there in the role of the defaulting nobleman as in that of the
+larcenous vagabond.
+
+Disregarding all attempts on the part of the officers of the law to
+restrain me, I gazed about the spacious apartment with the air I might
+have worn had it still belonged to me, and says: "The old place is just
+as it was, I see.  But, my good Sir Thomas, it grieves me to observe
+that you have put your fat aunt by the side of a Rubens; and that you
+have not scrupled to set a pompous citizen in a tie-wig, who, to judge
+by a certain consanguinity of expression and countenance, was the
+illustrous man your father and a cheesemonger at that, cheek by jowl
+with one of Vandyck's gentlemen."
+
+The justice was too incensed by this audacious speech to find words
+with which to reply to it.  He spluttered and stuttered himself to the
+verge of an apoplexy.  His friend took it far otherwise, however.
+
+"A hit, a palpable hit," says he, laughing heartily.  "I never heard a
+ripe thought better expressed.  And, damn it, Tommie, you deserve it
+too.  Your fat aunt, and your illustrious father the cheesemonger in a
+tie-wig, ha, ha, ha!  Our friend of the black eye and the bloody
+countenance is an amateur of the arts, a lover of the beautiful."
+
+"Remove the prisoners out of my presence," says the justice in a fury.
+
+"No, no, Tommie," says his companion, "you go too fast.  Our friend is
+so monstrous good that I vow and I protest he must drink a glass of
+claret."
+
+Thereupon he countermanded the justice's order with a certain easy air
+of authority that was natural to him, which carried more weight than
+all the assumption of the magistrate.  This strange fellow, still
+chuckling, poured out a glass of wine from one of several bottles that
+adorned the table, and leaving his seat carried it over to me, despite
+the fact that he hobbled very badly with the gout.  When he stood up he
+was wonderfully imposing, being more than six feet tall, with an
+appearance of perfect breeding and majesty, for all his profligate
+looks and his free, laughing, jovial, devil-may-care manners.  As he
+offered me the glass of claret with a charming grace, I looked down at
+the cords that so tightly secured my wrists with an air of humorous
+deprecation.
+
+"Here, hold this, and keep your long nose clear of the rim," says he,
+putting the wine into the hands of the astonished head-constable.  He
+then drew a knife from his pocket, and without more ado cut off my
+fetters.  As he did so an honest indignation seemed to run in him
+suddenly.
+
+"What a dirty way to treat a gentleman!" he said.  "But you must excuse
+these low fellows; they are not to blame.  They have no discretion but
+simply to follow their calling.  They only know a hog by his bristles."
+
+"As a former _custos rotulorum_ for the county of Wilts, none knows
+that better than I, sir.  But I am vastly obliged to you, vastly
+obliged."
+
+Thereupon I drank the glass he so kindly handed to me.
+
+"My dear sir," says he, with another great laugh, "that was not the
+work of a tyro.  There was a neatness and a deftness in the manner of
+it that must have cost you at least ten thousand liftings of the elbow
+to acquire.  You are as good to drink with as to talk to.  I'faith you
+must do me the honour of sitting at table, for you are a three-bottle
+man, or I have never seen one in the world."
+
+You may be sure that I was nothing loth to accept an invitation that
+was as unexpected as it was desirable.  The bewilderment of the
+justice, the constable and his men, and the poor gypsies too, was
+boundless as I briskly followed this extraordinary gentleman when he
+hobbled back to his chair, and promptly ensconced my disreputable self
+in one of the high-backed oaken seats of my forefathers, now so
+courteously placed at my disposal.  While he proceeded to refill my
+glass and his own too, the scandalized magistrate very naturally
+expostulated in the most vehement manner.
+
+"Why, Harry, God save us all!" he cried, "have you gone horn-mad?  It
+is the most outrageous thing that ever was perpetrated.  I vow and
+protest, Harry, that you are gone stark mad to bring a thief and a
+gypsy to my table to share your cups.  It is unbearable, Harry, and
+'fore God I will not have it.  When this gets wind in the county they
+will deride me to death.  Lord, I shall get struck off the
+justice-roll."
+
+"Your petitioner will ever pray," says Harry, while simultaneously we
+raised the distraught justice's good claret to our lips.
+
+Taking my cue from the familiarity of my entertainer, I threw aside
+restraint and adopted the attitude of a guest in lieu of the humbler
+one of a prisoner.  Continuing to gaze about completely at my ease,
+says I, with that frank criticism that had been formerly so effective:
+
+"Things are no longer what they were.  This place hath deteriorated
+since I was in it last.  The city creeps into the ancestral hall;
+cheesemongery obtrudes itself.  Where formerly there were Old Masters
+and French Tales, there are now Bibles and bad prints.  But I rejoice
+to see that some few of my ancestors are still faithful to their
+old-time haunt.  My parents, my grand parents, my uncles, my cousins
+and my aunts, Vandycks, Lelys, and Knellers, and the devil knows who,
+are still assembled here, even to the replica of Sir Peter's picture of
+that nobleman, most illustrious of his race, who made a Commentary on
+the _Analects of Confucius_, the original of which I last saw in the
+shop of a Jew dealer the other day."
+
+My singular acquaintance with the contents of his dining-room,
+evidently far more extensive than his own, was not without its effect
+on the justice.
+
+"What is the meaning of all this, Harry?" he asked of my benefactor.
+"What is the fel----what is the man talking of?  What does the man mean
+by his ancestors?  Who ever heard such impudence, such effrontery?"
+
+"Well, Tommie," says his frank friend, "I'll lay my last guinea that he
+hath more right to call them his ancestors than their present owner."
+
+"A murrain take you," says the justice, more purple than before, for
+this was a stab in a tender place.  "Will you never learn to control
+your infernally long tongue?  And yet again must I ask you not to
+address me as Tommie when I am in the exercise of my high functions.
+Thomas if you like, or my full title would be still better on these
+occasions.  The King would not have conferred it upon me, were it not
+designed for use, and that he desired I should profit by it."
+
+His friend nearly choked himself with laughter long before the justice
+had come through this solemn homily.  Indeed he could not recover his
+breath until he had poured himself out another glass of wine, and had
+refilled mine.
+
+"You will kill me of laughing, Tommie, one of these days," says he.
+"If it were not that your claret is as good as any for thirty miles
+round London, I would never come near you.  How a man can keep such a
+good table and yet such a poor understanding is a thing I have never
+fathomed.  But I protest you will certainly kill me if you do not amend
+your mind a little."
+
+"Harry," says the justice sternly.  "I can never understand how it is
+that a grandson of the Earl of Denbigh, and a person of undeniable
+family and descent, should have such ungenteel manners."
+
+"Damn the Earl of Denbigh," says Harry, banging his fist on the table,
+"and you too, Tommie.  You can no more keep that fly out of the
+ointment, than a pig can his snout out of the muck."
+
+"What, sir," says I eagerly, "are you also cursed with a grandfather?"
+
+"Aye, to be sure I am," says he.  "Though I'll thank no man that names
+him.  If it were not for my grandfather I could go to the devil in my
+own way."
+
+"Why, my dear sir," says I, "never were there two such brothers in
+misfortune.  Your case is the very counterpart of mine."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE
+
+While all this was going forward very eloquent glances were repeatedly
+exchanged between the justice and the head-constable.  They were both
+equally at a loss to know what to do in the matter.  Their plain duty
+was to have me removed in custody.  But this they could not very well
+do, seeing on what terms of intimacy I had already been placed.  There
+must be a grave mistake somewhere.  What it was they were too greatly
+puzzled to say, but the end of it all was that my fellow-prisoners were
+removed into the stables against the next morning, when they could be
+more conveniently taken to prison, whilst I for the nonce was allowed
+to remain seated at the table in the society of my whimsical friend.
+
+Sir Thomas's composure had been so rudely shaken that for a long time
+he could hardly venture on another word.  He sat watching us with a
+kind of stupefied horror, whilst we made short work of several bottles
+of his most excellent claret.
+
+"The true Falernian," says my companion, smacking his lips.  "I would
+that Roman fellow were here in the room of Tommie, who sits like a dead
+dog in a dry ditch.  I have remarked it before, and I remark it again,
+that I can never understand how it is that a man who can keep such a
+full-bodied, generous wine in his cellar should yet keep such a lean,
+ill-liberal heart in his body.  It is an internal paradox on which I
+break my brains anew.  You would think that one would cry out upon the
+other, and that they could live together no better than a keg of
+gunpowder and a live coal.  And how in the first place they ever came
+to be associated passes me.  Ring the bell, Tommie, and tell 'em to
+bring us up another bottle a-piece."
+
+While Sir Thomas did so with the mechanical meekness of one well
+accustomed to obey, says I:
+
+"I think I can give you ease on this last matter, sir.  Hath it never
+struck you that our host may have bought his cellar at the same shop
+that he bought his ancestors?  It sticks in my mind that I have met
+both his forebears and his vintages before.  Indeed, to come down to
+the details of this odd matter, I believe at the period of which I
+speak they may have had my name appended to them."
+
+"Shrewdly said, sir," says my companion; and then going on to another
+matter which I had sedulously been leading up to, for I had come to the
+conclusion that my one chance of ultimate escape lay in betraying
+myself entirely, continued: "You begin to interest me vastly.  I
+confess you are a man after my own heart.  I like your talk, I like
+your manner, the colour of your eye, the cock of your old beak,
+i'faith, I like you altogether.  You are the very perfect gentle guest;
+you abuse your host and drink his wine with the same impartial spirit.
+You bear the same relation to a gypsy as our club-footed Thomas does to
+the herald Mercury.  No, no, my good sir, it will not do; _ex ungue
+leonem_."
+
+"Your compliments charm me," says I, raising the glass to my lips
+again, "but I could have wished, sir, that you had not nosed out my
+_incognito_.  It may be the source of a greater inconvenience than I
+care to think about, if it and I part company."
+
+"The blame is entirely your own, sir," says the other.  "Hercules
+should not try to hide behind an arbutus tree.  But no man ever had
+aught to fear from me, unless that man was myself.  To him, it is true,
+I have been a great enemy.  Yet I'll swear on my life that even that
+poor unlucky young man whose name is proscribed in this morning's
+news-letter would never be a penny the worse for revealing himself to
+such a rough fellow as me.  As for Tommie, I will answer for Tommie
+too.  It is true that Tommie hath weaknesses, but they are on the
+surface mostly.  If he can never forget that Nature had a hand in the
+fashioning of Sir T. Wheatley, Knight, and Justice of the Peace, and is
+in a sense a self-made man therefore, he nevertheless hath a very good
+heart.  I can answer for Tommie as for myself."
+
+When he came to mention the "poor unlucky young man," I suppose I must
+have winced or blinked a little, or he was a marvellously subtle and
+keen observer, for after looking into my eyes, he slapped his hand on
+his thigh, and cried:
+
+"By God, can it be?  Surely it is too whimsical, too fantastical.
+These things do not happen outside the story books."
+
+"Such a coincidence is a little after the manner of _Tom Jones_, to be
+sure, sir," says I.
+
+I suppose it was the word "story books" that led to my mentioning that
+immortal novel which at that moment held all the town in a spell of
+wonder and delight.  But no sooner had I uttered the magic name of _Tom
+Jones_ than I thought I saw my companion's flushed face flush deeper
+than ever, and at the same instant my mind was assailed with a dozen
+points of recognition.  In a flash I jumped to the conclusion that I
+was being entertained by the author of that inimitable work.  For a
+moment we sat regarding one another with the frankest amusement.  Then
+my companion took up his glass, and lifting it slowly to his lips, says:
+
+"Lord Tiverton."
+
+Thereupon I followed his polite example; and when the glass was at my
+lips, says I:
+
+"Mr. Henry Fielding."
+
+Upon that we fell a-laughing wildly, and wrung one another warmly by
+the hand.  Now that the murder was out we grew closer in
+good-fellowship.  Had we not shown proofs of an admirable sagacity in
+our previous respect for one another?  The magistrate, however, was
+aghast.  No sooner was he acquainted with my name than he was beset
+with his manifest duty as a justice of the peace.
+
+"As you are a refugee from the law, my lord," says he, looking
+anxiously at me and then at Fielding, "I fear that I have no
+alternative other than to hand you over to the proper authorities.  You
+see, as one holding his Majesty's commission of the peace for this
+county, I am precluded from giving way to any private feelings I might
+entertain in the matter, but must do my plain and obvious duty, however
+it be opposed to the dictates of my heart."
+
+The dignity and the rather florid effect of this speech, which I will
+do Sir Thomas the justice of saying was very well meant, was utterly
+spoiled by Mr. Fielding's reception of it.
+
+"Come down off the high horse, Tommie, if you love me," says he.  "Be
+damned to the dictates of your heart and your duty too.  Do strive to
+be natural, Tommie; if you would but be content to be natural I would
+suffer you gladly, for at bottom you are as good a fellow as I know.
+But when you get on these magisterial airs of yours a common mortal
+cannot touch you with a six-foot pole."
+
+"That is all very well, Harry," says Sir Thomas, "but you forget my
+responsibilities."
+
+"There you go again," says Fielding.  "Be damned to your
+responsibilities.  Come and drink a glass of good claret with us and
+forget yourself, your office, your dignity, your wig, your knighthood,
+and your laced coat for a brief five minutes.  Perpend, Tommie,
+perpend; and for the nonce consent to be a human being."
+
+"Would you have me, then," says the magistrate, "sit down with a man in
+my own house, knowing him to be a great criminal?  How can I possibly
+entertain such a person?  Were I to do so I should be altogether
+unworthy of the high trust that hath been reposed in me."
+
+Mr. Fielding scratched his wig.
+
+"A very moral sentiment," says he, "but all the morality in the world
+is not worth a penn'orth of humanity."
+
+"Sir," says I warmly, "I am grateful to you.  You can scarcely know how
+an example such as yours helps a drowning man to keep his head above
+the flood that is like to overwhelm him.  But I think I owe it to
+myself to lessen the weight of Sir Thomas's responsibilities, by
+assuring you that I am innocent of the horrid crime with which I am
+charged.  The poor fellow came by his end in a fair fight; and
+therefore if you can only overlook the sums I owe my creditors, you may
+relieve your scruples."
+
+"I am more than glad of these assurances," says the justice.  "A great
+load is taken off my mind."
+
+"On the contrary," says Mr. Fielding, "they make not a farthingworth of
+difference to me.  I care not if you are the most long-suffering peer
+that ever went to the dogs, or if you are the greatest villain that
+ever tried to dodge the gallows.  What's the odds?  You are a proper
+enough fellow for all rational purposes.  Certainly I would not choose
+to meet Mr. Jack Sheppard in a lonely lane on a dark night, but I would
+as willingly drink a bottle with a lad of his mettle just as well as
+with another.  If a man shall bear himself gallantly at table, with a
+merry courage and a kindling eye, who am I that shall ask uncivil
+questions of him?"
+
+Whatever Mr. Henry Fielding's philosophy, and it seemed to have a
+savour of that of the late eminent Sir John Falstaff, Knight, he was a
+fine merry companion, who asked no better of the hour and the company
+in which he sat than that they should consort with his humour.  After a
+while his wit, his gallant spirits, and his brave bearing before the
+bottle did not fail of their effect upon the justice too.  That staid
+and pompous fellow resisted them for a time, but as first one and then
+another bottle was numbered among the slain, and our tongues grew
+looser as our brains grew warm, he fell at last from his high estate
+and was seduced into a course that ill consisted with his sentiments.
+When he had accepted several glasses from Mr. Fielding's own fair hands
+he began to grow rather thicker in his speech, weighed his words less,
+and showed several signs of having departed from his usual habit.
+
+"You can see," says Mr. Fielding, winking at me, "that our gallant
+Tommie hath been nurtured on cinnamon-water and Dr. Akenside's sermons.
+I should say that four glasses are about the limit of him; five, and he
+goes over the verge."
+
+Although both Mr. Fielding and I had already accommodated a far greater
+quantity than the magistrate, we had served such a much longer
+apprenticeship to this business (the shame is our own) that whereas we
+were scarcely conscious as yet of what we had drunk, the square-toed
+Sir Thomas was already hanging out his evidences.  Now no sooner did I
+observe this disposition in him than I was taken with a scheme by which
+my poor fellow-prisoners incarcerated in the stables outside were to
+profit.  Whatever my shortcomings, I would never have it said of me
+that I left a friend in the lurch.  These poor gypsies had given us of
+their hospitality; that in itself therefore was enough of a reason why
+I should endeavour to spare them a hanging.  Therefore I suggested the
+matter to my companion.
+
+"Do you think, sir," says I, "that we can get our good magistrate drunk
+enough to be worked on to give the order for the release of my poor
+friends the gypsies?  It is like to go very hard with them, I fear,
+unless we can find some such way as this to aid them."
+
+"It is very well thought on," says this truly humane fellow, without so
+much as pausing to consider the matter.  "Leave this jocund old
+justicer to me, and I'll answer for it that the king's enemies shall
+get a free pardon.  Now then, Tommie, by your leave I'll name a toast.
+We will drink to Law and Order.  Fill up, Tommie, and no heel-taps."
+
+So thoroughly did Mr. Fielding enter into this plan, that very soon Sir
+Thomas began to babble in his talk with a most unwonted levity, and
+even essayed to sing a song.  With such assiduity was he plied, that he
+presently advanced stage by stage, until my companion considered him to
+be sufficiently primed for this business.  Thereon Fielding rang the
+bell and ordered the head-constable, who with his men was keeping guard
+over the premises, to be brought to him.  When that worthy presented
+himself, Mr. Fielding says with an inimitable glib audacity:
+
+"Sir Thomas, after much weighing of the merits of this case, hath come
+to the conclusion that the evidence is not sufficient to send these
+prisoners for trial.  He is sensibly fearful of some miscarriage of
+justice, the more particularly as one of their number that you brought
+before him hath turned out on an examination to be anything but what he
+was represented.  Therefore Sir Thomas bids me to inform you that he
+hath decided to remit these charges.  And he would have you release
+these people at once, that they may go about their business.  And when
+you have done this, you are to take your men to the kitchen, where they
+are to have a good supper of beef and ale, and they can then repair to
+their homes.  And at least this course, this somewhat extreme course I
+may say, that Sir Thomas hath decided on will save you all from a long
+and weary vigil in the night air."
+
+However surprised the head-constable was at this unexpected turn of
+events, he was by no means disposed to cavil at it, since the only way
+in which the fate of the gypsies could affect himself was the one that
+Mr. Fielding had so adroitly indicated.  Not so the scandalized
+justice.  Fuddled as he was, he had enough wit left to apprehend what
+was going forward.  But he had not enough, however, to interpose his
+authority in a way that was at all likely to take effect.  At all his
+thick and nearly inarticulate protests, his friend Mr. Fielding kept
+hushing and soothing him down, with highly eloquent and imploring
+gestures.
+
+"Oh lord, Tommie," he would say, "I pray you have a care.  Here am I
+trying to conceal the fact that you are abominably drunk, and yet you
+will flaunt it and advertise it, before the servants too.  Think of
+your own dignity, Tommie, I beseech you."
+
+Whereon the head-constable would rub his coat-sleeve across his face to
+conceal his laughter.  Sir Thomas would grunt and wriggle and writhe
+his tipsy protests, and his friend, Mr. Fielding, with the oddest
+mingling of sorrow, amusement, and solemnity, apparently struggled to
+put the best face he could on the justice's scandalous behaviour.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME
+
+It was in this agreeable fashion that my unlucky friends obtained their
+release.  The justice was in no condition to cope with Mr. Fielding's
+peremptory ways; and the constable, seeing and caring nothing beyond
+the advantage to his own personal comfort, was not at all disposed to
+wait until the magistrate was in a better condition to express his
+opinions and good pleasure.  Thus he bowed to Sir Thomas whilst that
+inarticulate gentleman was still wrestling with his thick speech,
+assured him his will should be obeyed, and that he would see to it that
+his officers made a good supper in the kitchen, and took his departure
+without any reluctance whatever.
+
+"So much for that matter," says Mr. Fielding, highly pleased with the
+success of his own ingenuity.  "We have robbed the gallows of eight
+good necks and true, which is, I think, a pretty liberal evening's
+work.  Yet as this is a night for good works, let us spend it
+fittingly.  Ring the bell, Tommie, ring the bell.  The last of these
+bottles died a full two minutes ago."
+
+Unfortunately Sir Thomas was in no condition at this stage to comply
+with such a request, and Mr. Fielding had perforce to perform that
+office himself.  A fresh relay of wine was brought, and our glasses
+were filled up again.  Sitting here in the midst of these insidious
+allurements, well found in all bodily comfort and good companionship,
+it needed but a corresponding ease of mind to be as perfectly content
+as Mr. Fielding himself.  I had been most providentially delivered from
+a very real and immediate peril, had contributed to the saving of eight
+poor people from the gallows, and had exchanged the cold night for a
+far happier sanctuary; but with all this, I was nearly at the verge of
+despair.  Where was Cynthia?  What had happened to that poor child, and
+how could we hope to come together again!  Neither of us knew in which
+direction the other had gone; and to search for each other in that dark
+night was clearly impossible, seeing how complete was our ignorance of
+the neighbouring country.
+
+In my distraught state I mentioned my unhappy case to Mr. Fielding.
+He, with the sanguine temper that seemed to be so strangely
+characteristic of him, pooh-poohed my fears, and swore that all would
+come right by the morning.
+
+"I will wager you the last guinea I have got in the world," says he,
+"which by the way I borrowed from Tommie to bear me back to Fleet
+Street to-morrow, that you will see her pretty face in this parlour
+before you are prepared to leave it.  Why, man, if she hath any wit at
+all she will remain with the gypsies until they discover whither you
+have been taken, and then she will come to Tommie with a mighty long
+tale and a mighty heart-moving countenance.  I suppose it is that my
+wit runs wonderfully clear to-night, for I confess I can see the whole
+course of this matter as plain as the back of my hand."
+
+Mr. Fielding declared his opinions with such an energy, that in spite
+of myself I half subscribed to them.  Indeed, as he pointed out,
+nothing could be done by repining.  But as he followed up this last
+sage reflection in a manner peculiarly his own, no less than by the
+opening of a new bottle, I am not sure that the occasion itself was not
+the source of his wisdom.  "_Vino diffigiunt mordaces curæ_," says he,
+"an old, old tag, but a monstrous good one.  Come, my dear fellow, do
+not spoil the excellent impression you have already made.  I am sure to
+mump and moan is not in you; besides, you would be the last to have
+yourself numbered among the Tommies of the world, the half-bottle men.
+You are capable to bear me company for many an hour yet.  Come, let us
+grapple with melancholy and put him to sleep."
+
+I was in such a state of maudlin misery by this, thanks to the wine I
+had already drunk, and my dubious speculation in regard to Cynthia,
+that I soon fell a-prey to Mr. Fielding's importuning.  That lusty
+full-blooded fellow was not to be denied.  As I accepted glass after
+glass of the insidious liquor from his hands, I felt my resolution
+weaken as of old, and that same sense of large content and utter
+heedlessness of the morrow steal upon me.  As my brain grew hotter and
+heavier and less capable of thinking and doing, Cynthia's absence grew
+less poignant to it, and my own situation of the moment more perfectly
+acceptable.  It was truly Elysian to sit in this warm room and in this
+mellow society, after having been without a roof to one's head and in
+such peril for so many hours.  The sense of abandoning oneself by slow
+degrees and against one's proper judgment to this forbidden pleasure,
+was fraught with a delight that it is only in the power of the illicit
+to bestow.  At the same time that I knew Mr. Fielding's point of view
+was specious and worthless, _vide_ the teachings of a bitter
+experience, I could hardly find it in my heart to resist his wit, the
+compliment of his good-fellowship, his whole-hearted gaiety.  He was
+such a lovable spirit that he would have seduced the first of the
+Pharisees to hang with him at Tyburn, for the sake of the
+companionship.  It would have taken sterner stuff than was ever in me
+to deny or resist him.
+
+It was not long before the justice was so overcome by the contents of
+his cellar that he drooped his head on the table and straightway fell
+fast asleep.  Mr. Fielding, who was himself so seasoned that his face
+hardly shone as yet, laughed, and says with a kind of kingly pity:
+
+"What a penny-halfpenny haberdasher of a man it is!  _C'est un vrai
+épicier_.  Strip him of his paunch, his purse, and his knighthood, and
+there remains one who hath no more parts than a Presbyterian.  If I
+were old Sir John, I would undertake to make a better man out of a
+cheese paring.  It is a pretty behaviour in him, when we are sitting at
+this table, bearing ourselves so gallantly before his claret.  But
+after all, I would prefer that his honour should speak with his nose
+rather than with his mouth.  Both organs are equally witty; and we are
+under no obligation to answer his lustiest performances in that style."
+
+It was not long before I began to feel some inklings of a disposition
+to imitate Sir Thomas.  Fortunately Mr. Fielding did not observe it in
+me; and he on his side was so brisk and jovial-hearted that he easily
+found enough of conversation for us both.  And he was so prolific that
+I am sure he would have been the last to notice it.  My bosom was no
+longer torn with the same pain when my thoughts reverted to Cynthia.
+My wits were so deadened that I had a sort of sweet sorrow instead; the
+sorrow whose expression is an amiable snuffling melancholy, and a
+tender reflection on the days that are past.  I was fast sinking into
+the depths of this maudlin condition, when a diversion occurred that
+mercifully kept me from it, even as my mind tottered on the brink.  A
+servant entered with the information that a woman was at the hall door
+demanding to see the justice on a most particular business.  In an
+instant a great possibility possessed me completely, and startled me
+out of the bibulous lassitude that was creeping upon me.
+
+"What kind of a woman?" I asked eagerly, "A very beautiful woman, a
+most adorably beautiful woman, with the voice of a nightingale and as
+dainty in her carriage as, as----  Fielding, an you love me, give me a
+simile--as dainty as----"
+
+"The swift Camilla," says he instantly, "the virgin Volscian queen, as
+she
+
+  'Flies o'er th' unbending corn, or skims along the main,'
+
+in the crude language of the crookbacked Twickenham bard.  If you were
+not so drunk I would give it you in Virgil's eleganter tongue."
+
+"I don't know what the female's like in her carriage," says the fellow,
+regarding us both with a very natural bewilderment, "for she's not come
+in no carriage, do you see.  She's come afoot.  But she's a shortish
+wench, with a pert tongue, and she's a-crying like fun."
+
+Prosaic as this description was, and sensibly differing as it did from
+the one I had furnished, I was sure that the female was no other than
+Cynthia.  That there could be other shortish wenches in the world with
+pert tongues, who were capable of crying like fun, never entered my
+head.  It may have been that I had so continually brooded on her fate,
+or the guilt of my conscience was so keen as to lead me to this
+conclusion on such slender grounds.  Relieved as I was, I yet had some
+twinges of contrition.  Despite my heavy-witted state I was fully alive
+to it, and mightily uneasy as to the figure I must make in her eyes.
+
+"A pretty kettle of fish," says I, "that I should be as drunk----"
+
+"As a lord," suggested Mr. Fielding.
+
+"As drunk as a lord on our wedding-day.  I pray you have pity on my
+state, sir, and help me out as much as you can."
+
+"My dear fellow," says Mr. Fielding, "this is no sort of talk.  It is
+unworthy of you.  Why, nothing could have been better contrived, sir.
+Can anything be more commendable than that a man should begin as he
+means to go on.  One cannot begin too soon to bring up one's wife
+properly."
+
+"Poor little toad," says I.  "When she sees me like this I am sure she
+will weep more bitterly."
+
+"Hath she never seen you drunk before?" says Fielding.
+
+"Never," says I.
+
+"It is time she did then," says he.  "But after all, as it is your
+wedding-day there may be some little reason for your perturbation.  She
+is still the first woman in Christendom, I suppose, and you are still
+the true prince.  It can contribute nothing to the welfare of either
+for you to be seen at such little advantage.  Get thee behind the
+screen there and leave this to me."
+
+Having still enough wit to be fully aware of my unfortunate condition;
+and being at the same time assailed with many pangs for having so
+callously sat down to my ease before the bottle, whilst I was seemingly
+content to allow her to roam the night to find me, I felt truly
+shamefaced and hangdog.  I was but too ready therefore to embrace any
+proposal that might alleviate my position.  Certainly Mr. Fielding had
+a much better command of himself than I had, and was therefore much
+more fitted to receive her.  Besides, I was so deeply imbued with my
+desperate case that I counted on his ready wit to shield me from an
+exposure.
+
+Therefore I stumbled into concealment behind the screen, and drunk as I
+was, I was sufficiently sober to follow and to keenly appreciate the
+whimsical scene that was enacted before my eyes.  Sir Thomas being
+hopelessly surrendered to Morpheus, Mr. Fielding profanely assumed his
+character.  But at least the mad rogue played it with a far finer
+spirit and _abandon_ than the justice could have done.  When my poor
+little Cynthia was ushered in, for she it was undoubtedly, he rose,
+gout and all, to greet her, and bowed very low.
+
+"Pray take a seat, madam, pray take a seat," says he, with an
+inimitable gesture of politeness.  "And if there is any small service
+that you would have me render you you have only to put a name to it,
+and you may consider it rendered."
+
+My poor little one, who was very pale and trembled with apprehension,
+peered out of the hood of her cloak with the tears still in her eyes.
+Despite Mr. Fielding's obvious gallantry she gazed at him with a dim
+distrust, and then cast a look of downright fearfulness in the
+direction of the heavy-slumbering Sir Thomas.  It was the first time I
+had been in a situation to observe these feminine timidities in her,
+and methought they enhanced her a hundredfold.
+
+"I would not have you regard that fuddle-witted fellow, madam," says
+Mr. Fielding, mad wag as he was.  "He is but a common hackney writer of
+a man, Henry Fielding by name, who hath come out of Grub Street to take
+the country air.  And the country air hath proved too strong for him,
+do you see.  Do not regard that fellow, madam: believe me he is quite
+unworthy of your attention."
+
+The excess of chivalry with which this was uttered did something to
+compose poor Cynthia; though why such flummery should have imposed upon
+her I cannot tell.  Even a parcel of lies, if it is made up into the
+semblance of a delicate attention, can do a great work with that sex,
+apparently.  Anyhow, Cynthia sufficiently overcame her trepidation to
+find the courage to ask:
+
+"Are you Sir Thomas Wheatley, sir?"
+
+"You can call me that, madam," says Mr. Fielding.
+
+"Then do you know anything of my--my husband?" says Cynthia.
+
+"Your husband, madam," says he.  "I did not know that you had a
+husband.  Since when have you had a husband, madam?"
+
+At this point Cynthia blushed divinely.  All her proverbial pertness
+was fled.  The situation was too great for the foibles she had
+acquired.  She stood forth in her strange predicament just a simple
+rustic maid, who longed to express her misery in tears, but was too
+proud to do so.  Thus, with an ingenuousness that I had never observed
+in her before, she faltered:
+
+"Since--since this morning, sir."
+
+"Since this morning, madam," says Fielding, "and you have lost him
+already.  Is it credible?  He did not leave you at the church door, I
+hope."
+
+"He did not leave me at all, sir," says Cynthia.
+
+"Then if he did not leave you at all, madam, why is he not with you
+now?" says Mr. Fielding.
+
+Little by little, with numberless hesitations and small attempts at
+concealment on her part, and many sly quips and verbal quibbles on his
+own, the roguish fellow drew out of her a fair account of the state of
+the case.  Cynthia's anxiety to conceal her husband's name and how he
+came to be placed in such an unhappy pass, afforded Mr. Fielding a
+great deal of pleasure.  He was continually springing awkward questions
+upon her with a wonderful appearance of judicial innocence; and to
+observe the unfortunate chit wriggle and contort herself out of many an
+awkward corner was as good as a play.  It was a cruel sport, perhaps,
+and I half thought it so at the time; but I am sure Fielding did not
+hold it to be such, for I do not think it was in him wittingly to give
+pain to anyone.  This whimsical by-play was really directed against me,
+for when he had got her into a more than usually tight corner he would
+look at me, as I frowned at him from my hiding-place, with a face that
+dared me to intervene.
+
+"I am afraid, madam," says Fielding, "you are not dealing with me quite
+fairly.  I must really assure you that this repeated and noticeable
+concealment--I can use no less explicit term--of your husband's name is
+most embarrassing.  With the best will in the world to serve your
+interests, and to aid you to the extent of my poor ability, how can I
+give you any information about your husband if you will not take me far
+enough into your confidence to vouchsafe me his name?  Even though I am
+a justice of the peace, I do not pretend to any supernatural knowledge.
+I am no mystery-reader, nor a worker of miracles."
+
+Poor Cynthia's dilemma was desperate.  She did not know how to act.  I
+shook my fist at the wicked wag, and began to wish heartily that I had
+not added to my other weaknesses by shirking the consequences of them.
+I longed to come to her aid.  But I had less desire than ever to expose
+myself now; and after all here was a very pretty comedy.
+
+"Come, come, madam," says Mr. Fielding.  "I would not have you trifle
+with justice in this manner.  What is your husband's name?"
+
+"His name is Smith," says she at last, taking the name we had been
+married in.
+
+The pseudo-justice expressed his disappointment.  He grieved to say
+that to the best of his knowledge no person of that name had called
+upon him that evening.
+
+"But he was among the gypsies that were brought to your house this
+evening," Cynthia persisted.  "What is become of them?"
+
+"Is your husband a gypsy, madam?" says he.  "I should have thought it
+not at all likely, to judge by the appearance of his wife?"
+
+"No, he is not," says she.
+
+"Then why is he concerned with gypsies in such a scandalous charge?"
+
+At every turn the mischievous fellow contrived some new means of
+embarrassing her story; and at the same time he embarrassed my patience
+also, as he very well knew.  But it was quite in vain for me to publish
+my threats from behind the screen.  Both of us were delivered into his
+hands.
+
+"I am disappointed that he was among the gypsies, madam," says he,
+"since they were discharged and sent away several hours ago."
+
+"Oh," says Cynthia eagerly, "how glad I am to hear that!"  But then her
+face fell.  "How may I find him?" she says, very anxiously.
+
+"Nay, madam," says Fielding, "that is more than I can tell.  But I am
+disappointed to hear that his name is Smith.  You are sure his name is
+Smith, madam?"
+
+Cynthia hesitated between hope and fear.  Could it be possible that my
+true name had been discovered, and that concealment was no longer
+desirable or necessary?
+
+"It is most strange, madam," says her relentless persecutor, "that you
+should not be certain of the name of your own husband.  I suppose you
+could not by any chance have made a mistake in regard to the name of
+him?"
+
+"I might have done," poor Cynthia faltered; whilst I felt such an
+overpowering desire to execute a prompt vengeance on the wretch that it
+was as much as I could do to remain in my seclusion.
+
+"Well, if you might have done," says he, "his name could not by any
+chance have begun with a 'T.'  Could his name be something like 'Tivy,'
+or 'Tantivy'?"
+
+Poor Mrs. Cynthia had completely lost her bearings by this.  She was
+utterly nonplussed, and looked at the wicked Fielding as helplessly as
+a child.  She was still unable to overcome her scruples about revealing
+my real name.  To do so to a justice of the peace of all people in the
+world was like to be a most imprudent act.  But at the same time she
+could not rid her mind of the thought that he already knew more than he
+would tell.
+
+"Tivy or Trivy or Tantivy," says Mr. Fielding; "you are sure his name
+is nothing of that sort?  Now could it by any chance be Tiverton?"
+
+At this mention of my name Cynthia was unable to go further with her
+imposture.  With a face of much confusion and distress she made the
+confession.
+
+"Well, madam," says Mr. Fielding reproachfully, "why could you not have
+said so at once without so much beating about the bush?  Really the
+name of Smith was too facile, too obvious.  Now as it happens, I am in
+a position to know where my Lord Tiverton is."
+
+"Oh, sir," says Cynthia, clasping her hands, "I beseech you to tell me
+of his whereabouts."
+
+"Yes, my dear madam," says Mr. Fielding, "that I will, on one
+condition."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia eagerly asked it.
+
+"That you give me a kiss," says Mr. Fielding.  "I vow and protest,
+madam, I never saw a creature more divinely handsome."
+
+My breath was almost taken away by the audacity of the villain, as I
+fear he had intended that it should be.  But what could I contribute to
+the situation beyond a few impotent threats, made in dumb show?  I was
+never had at a greater disadvantage in my life?  It was in vain that
+Cynthia evaded the demand, and besought him by the name of humanity to
+tell her where I lay.  The spirit of mischief in the fellow, inflamed
+by the quantity of wine he had drunk, caused him to brook no denial.
+
+"Come, my dear madam," says he, "one kiss from those dainty lips is all
+I seek.  Then i'faith shall you know where your husband lies."
+
+"You are no gentleman, sir," says Cynthia, with more spirit than she
+had yet shown.
+
+"No, only a justice of the peace," says he.
+
+"It is cruel of you," says Cynthia, flaming, "to drive such a bargain
+in these circumstances.  You know it is not in my power to say you nay
+when so much is at stake."
+
+"To be sure I do," says he, favouring me with a triumphing look.  "And
+as for the cruelty of it, surely the onus of that matter lies with you.
+Is it not your adorable sex that provokes that which it denies?  It is
+ever a point with me that if I can ever take any little revenge upon
+you, I take it with an easy conscience, knowing full well that you
+beauteous ladies have scored up such a heavy tally of cruelties as can
+never be expunged.  Besides, madam, where is this cruelty you speak of?
+Am I not at least as well favoured as this ugly profligate Lord
+Tiverton of yours; and is there not the additional advantage of my not
+being your lawful wedded husband?"
+
+"I would that Lord Tiverton were here to hear you say this," says
+Cynthia indignantly.
+
+"Bah," says Mr. Fielding, "the water-blooded fellow, I would that he
+were too, then I with five pints of good claret in me would prove upon
+his miserable person how mean a figure he doth cut."
+
+It was with the utmost difficulty that I could hold back at this
+challenge.  I might be very drunk, and therefore doubly disposed to
+resent such wanton insults; but I was also sober enough to be aware
+that they were not prompted by ill-nature.  It was a piece of mischief
+merely.  We were entirely at his mercy, and he proposed to torment us
+to death.  Could a fourth person have witnessed this play, he would
+have found it a truly diverting affair.  First Cynthia was made to
+writhe, and then I; and then both of us together; yet at the same time
+each quite unknown to the other; whilst the audacious rogue of a fellow
+mocked at us both, and defied us to prevent ourselves being made
+ridiculous.  The unfortunate Cynthia was led on by his disparagement of
+me to take up the cudgels warmly on my behalf.  The sly look of
+satisfaction that shone in him when she did so, was proof enough, if
+any were needed, that she was still ministering to his diversion.
+
+"I give you the lie there, sir," says she angrily.  "How dare you
+presume to malign such a noble brave gentleman!  You utter behind his
+back that which you dare not utter to his face."
+
+"Good a thousand times," says Mr. Fielding.  "This is delightful.
+Harkee, my noble, brave gentleman, and tell me if I do not utter it to
+your face!"
+
+I clenched my fists; I vowed to myself I would not suffer this impudent
+sport another minute.  But then there was no gainsaying that I was
+abominably drunk; that my pretty innocent was but a child; and that it
+was our wedding-day.  Come what may, I must bear with the fellow's mad
+humour for the present, and requite him in a more seasonable hour.
+
+Cynthia might be angry and I extremely discomposed, but Mr. Fielding
+still pressed his jest.
+
+"No, madam, I will not be put off with your arrogance," says he.  "I
+demand one token from those charming lips as the price of the
+satisfaction that you seek."
+
+Covered with a modest confusion, Cynthia was preparing to comply with
+this demand unwillingly enough, when I was no longer able to contain my
+just resentment.  Whatever the consequences, we should not be flouted
+so.  Therefore as the impudent fellow was in the very act of forcing
+this concession from her, I threw caution to the winds, and sprang
+forth from my concealment in a violent rage.  I aimed a mighty blow at
+Mr. Fielding's head; but what with my impetuosity, combined with my
+drunken condition, I miscalculated the distance sadly, and instead of
+getting home on that audacious person, missed him entirely, and fell
+full length at Cynthia's feet.
+
+Between her distressed exclamations and Mr. Fielding's immoderate
+laughter I was got up again, to find myself a little sobered by the
+fall.  With a joyful recognition of me, and a truly withering glance of
+contempt for Mr. Fielding, neither of which I can positively depict,
+Cynthia fell into my arms, and showered upon me those salutes Mr.
+Fielding had been so importunate to obtain.  But I must confess that I
+received them with a great deal more of shame than pleasure; for Mr.
+Fielding regarded us with such a degree of boisterousness, that the
+bitter fact suddenly came upon me that in my guilt I had committed her
+to the tender mercies of a person even more drunk than I was myself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+AMANTIUM IRÆ
+
+"Curse my jacket," says the drunken fellow, "if this is not the first
+time I have kissed a wife in the presence of her husband."
+
+"It shall be the last, sir," I hiccoughed furiously.
+
+"What words are these to use before a lady?" says Mr. Fielding, amiably
+measuring out glasses of wine for the three of us.  "If I were not the
+most easy man in the world, I vow and protest it should be coffee and
+pistols at five."
+
+"By God, sir, it shall be whatever you are," says I, holding on by the
+table.  "I swear I will pup--punish you for this."
+
+"Well, as you are determined to pup--punish me," says he, "here is
+another glass of Tommie's claret, another hair of the dog that bit you,
+to confirm you in that meritorious resolve."
+
+As he laughingly offered me the glass of wine, Cynthia came forward and
+took it from him.  But instead of giving it to me, she flung both the
+wine and the glass in his face.  Whereon he stood with the claret
+dripping from his features, and the blood too where the broken glass
+had cut his forehead, so that he made the very picture of his own
+Parson Adams, when he was assailed in a similar way by the hostess of
+the inn with the pan of hog's blood.
+
+Poor Cynthia stood white and trembling, but she never once looked at me
+for counsel or countenance.  The tears were in her eyes too, but she
+never uttered so much as a word of reproach, although I am sure her
+misery was very great.  I never felt such a mean villain and coward in
+my life as I did then.
+
+"Come," says she, "let us leave these--these people."
+
+Here she threw such a glance at the sleeping justice that must have
+pierced him to the marrow had he but been conscious of it.  By this,
+however, Mr. Fielding with the aid of his silk handkerchief had wiped a
+good deal of the wine and blood from his features, and stood staunching
+the wound on his forehead.  A more truly whimsical expression I never
+observed in any man before.  There was a highly comic look of
+contrition, humility, and self-abnegation in him, and withal an air of
+the most perfect good-breeding, that could not possibly have been more
+contrary to his appearance.  Although Cynthia was white and speechless
+with anger, and she had made what might easily have been construed into
+a very unprovoked attack on a benefactor, Mr. Fielding behaved,
+whatever his faults, as only a true gentleman could have done.
+Cynthia's act had brought him to his senses; he saw that he had pushed
+the matter too far; but after all he did not apprehend, as I more
+shrewdly did, that the head and front of his offending lay, not so much
+in his own conduct, as in that he had been the inspirer of mine.
+
+"I crave a thousand pardons of you, madam," says he, "if I have been so
+unlucky as to carry a jest farther than a jest should go.  Perchance it
+was not conceived in quite the best taste at the outset; but at least I
+make you all amends.  I am sure I am your duteous humble servant,
+madam, if you will but permit me to be so."
+
+Only a person with the instincts of a true gentleman could have shown
+such a punctilious regard for the feelings of another, and such a
+disregard for his own.  For in a sense he had been deeply provoked, and
+had suffered more indignity on his own part than any that he had
+inflicted on Mrs. Cynthia.  But no, my little madam refused to be
+mollified by his humble demeanour.  She looked steadily past him, as
+though he had ceased to be there at all.  Upon that my own brief spirit
+of anger cooled down immediately; for certainly I thought, considering
+his unhappy plight, poor Fielding was playing a very gallant part.
+
+"I think there is enough said, sir," says I, striving to speak as
+articulately as possible.  "I am sure you do very well; and I am
+equally sure that the apologies should not be all on your side."
+
+Whereon we grasped the hand of one another, and were sworn friends
+again.  Yet although Cynthia would not deign to notice my behaviour one
+way or the other, on the other hand, greatly to Mr. Fielding's
+distress, she would not condone the conduct of that honest fellow.  Her
+imperviousness hurt him the more, I think, because he did not apprehend
+the true reason for it.  She could have forgiven his having smoked her
+so badly, but what she could not forgive was that he had made her
+husband drunk.  I dare say it was that she was acting on the invariable
+principle that a woman will never own her lord and master in the wrong
+to a third person.  And as she must vent her anger on some one, and she
+could not very well vent it on me, the true culprit, Mr. Fielding was
+made to suffer vicariously.
+
+"Come, Jack," says she haughtily, disdaining Mr. Fielding's repeated
+solicitude; "let us wipe the foulness of this disgraceful place off our
+feet.  If daylight came and caught us in it, I could never respect
+myself again."
+
+The stress of these events had done a great deal for my sobriety.  I
+was still acutely conscious of my condition, but I had recovered enough
+of my wits to be able to battle with it successfully.  That being the
+case, I clearly saw that my little one was like to do a great injustice
+to Mr. Fielding.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I conceive you do not know what we owe to the
+generosity of this gentleman.  Had it not been for his friendly offices
+I should have been still in the hands of the constables."
+
+"I had rather you had," says she cruelly, "than that you should have
+passed into his."
+
+Not only was I hurt by such arbitrary behaviour; I was angered by it
+too.  It seemed monstrous that so small a fault in a liberal character
+should be allowed to outweigh the essential goodness of it.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I trust you will not refer to our benefactor in
+these terms.  He is far too good a friend of ours to merit your
+reproaches."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia lifted her chin again, and disdained to reply.
+
+"Come," says I, "I would have you take back the expressions you have
+used towards him.  For I am sure no man merited them less."
+
+"Never," says she.
+
+"The lady is overwrought a little," says Mr. Fielding, coming gallantly
+if somewhat unwisely to my aid.  "Is she not weary and distrest?  Sir
+Thomas, were he not otherwise engaged, would be delighted to place a
+chamber at madam's disposal for the remainder of this evening.  May I
+have the honour to do so in his name, for I am sure she is in a great
+need of repose?"
+
+"I thank you, sir," says Cynthia coldly, "but I am surprised that you
+should presume to propose a service that you must know, after what hath
+passed, must be highly distasteful to me."
+
+"You do the gentleman a great wrong," says I, with some heat.  "And I
+am sure, madam, when you look at this matter more reasonably, you will
+be the first to acknowledge it.  I thank you, sir, from the bottom of
+my heart for this kind offer, also for those other services you have
+rendered to us; and I beg to accept it of you, sir, in the name of my
+wife, in the spirit in which it is given."
+
+I thought that some such speech was no more than Mr. Fielding's due,
+but the effect of it was greatly marred by Cynthia's unreasonable
+conduct.  Drawing herself up into all the majesty of her five feet
+nothing, she bowed to us both in an imperious manner.
+
+"I wish you a good evening, Mr.----, I did not catch your name," says
+she.  "You also, my lord, as you choose to remain."
+
+Before we could reply, or any attempt could be made to detain her, she
+turned on her heel and swept forth of the room, straight out of the
+house into the black midnight.  There was no other course open to me
+but to follow her.  But ere I did so, I clasped Mr. Fielding warmly by
+the hand, again thanked him for his generous behaviour, and made some
+sort of an apology for that of Cynthia.  He, good fellow, although
+evidently perturbed that he should have so distrest her, was yet very
+warm on his part too, and as I was going out, slipped the only guinea
+he had in the world into my hand.  I protested strongly and refused to
+take it.
+
+"My dear fellow," says he, "you are ill-advised to refuse it.  I know
+what even that sum must mean to one in your condition, when the hand of
+every man is against you.  To be sure by accepting it you will be a
+guinea better off than your benefactor.  But at least I have a few
+friends left, however little I may merit them; and although it be ever
+my fate to have my character judged by those foibles that I am least
+willing to have it judged by."
+
+Indeed he so insisted on my accepting this highly desirable guinea,
+that there was no other course than to take it, however reluctantly;
+for to have refused it might have seemed churlish.  And Heaven knows
+that it is the last thing I would have risked after what had happened.
+
+"Sir," says I, "I can wish no better than that we should meet again,
+and in happier circumstances.  You have been a true friend, and I hope
+I may live to requite you.  And I hope, sir, you will think no more of
+the humours of my poor little wife; you who have shown such a knowledge
+of the ways of her adorable sex will be the first to condone them in
+her.  You will not forget, sir, that she hath lately been called on to
+endure a great deal."
+
+"More than enough of that matter, my dear fellow," says he heartily.
+
+I am sure he must have been hurt, but he was by far too true-bred a
+gentleman to betray as much.  I fear we were both still a little drunk,
+but I do not think the fervour of our leave-takings owed anything to
+the heat of our brains.  To this day I have always thought of this fine
+spirit, this great master of the science of human nature, with the same
+degree of affection.  As for him, I do not suppose he ever gave me a
+second thought, or if he did, I could be nothing more than a whimsical
+circumstance, a piece of romantical history.  But at the time of our
+parting, his pitiful, generous heart enabled him to feel a very real
+concern for my welfare, and also for that of my wayward little one who
+had treated him so harshly.
+
+No sooner had I left Mr. Fielding waving his frank good-bye from the
+steps of the house, than I set off running in hot pursuit of Cynthia.
+The gate of the porter's lodge at the end of the long dark avenue of
+overhanging trees was just closing upon her, when I overtook her.  She
+was in too proud and defiant a mood to pay any attention to the fact
+that I had done so, and that I was walking greatly out of breath by her
+side.
+
+I followed her implicitly into the weary darkness.  I did not dare to
+break the dogged silence she maintained, and therefore maintained one
+too.  For I had not walked a mile in the cool night air before I was as
+sober as any man could be.  And perfect sobriety brought a new shame
+and a fuller measure of repentance.  Lord knows, I had been drunk often
+enough before; more completely and uproariously so; I had committed far
+greater excesses in that state than any I had been guilty of that
+evening; and yet now for almost the first time I conceived a disgust
+for such a folly.  Lord knows, I am so little of a pietist that the
+sense of humiliation which came upon me as I walked by the side of the
+silent Cynthia was so foreign to my character, that I almost laughed at
+myself for suffering it.  Yet at the same time I was bitterly angry
+with myself.  No man's weaknesses could have led him to play a more
+unworthy part.
+
+As we walked mile upon mile on the dark, tree-shadowed highway that led
+to anywhere, everywhere, and nowhere, there never was so moral a person
+as I outside the moral pages of Mr. Richardson.  Self-abasement creaked
+out of my boots, self-reproach fluttered out of my brains,
+self-abnegation beat out of my heart.  I forget the name of the Moral
+Muse; indeed, now I come to think of it, there is most probably none
+such among them, for I fear they are baggages all.  But in the name of
+the righteous lady, whoever she be, was there ever such a hang-dog
+rogue as I?--such a whipt cur with his tail between his legs?
+
+Hours came and hours went, the steeples of neighbouring village
+churches chimed two o'clock, three and four, but still we wandered on,
+while never a word passed from one to the other.  At times I feared my
+poor little one was crying softly to herself, but I had not the courage
+to attempt to find out if that were so.  Instead, my fingers would
+tighten on Mr. Fielding's guinea, whereon such a poignancy would be
+added to my sufferings that I was tempted at times to cast his money
+incontinently to the road, as a heroic but not very intelligible
+concession to them, in the hope that I might purchase at that price a
+moment's surcease to my pains.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS
+
+The measure of Cynthia's resentment might be inferred from that of her
+endurance.  The weary silent miles she trudged along must have called
+forth a great impetus from within, for without that stimulus the poor
+little creature must have drooped and flagged upon the dark road long
+ere she did.  It was not until the birds began to chirp in the trees,
+and the grey face of the dawn began to speckle the darkness that she
+abated her defiant paces.  But once she had begun to do so, the
+weakness grew rapidly upon her.
+
+Presently she stumbled and nearly fell.  Then it was I took the courage
+to venture on the first of my penitent advances.  I lightly touched her
+shoulder to support her.  Finding that she had not the strength, I
+hardly dare say the inclination, to resist, I took her at last by the
+arm, very tenderly at first, but then a little more firmly, and then
+more firmly still.  Thus, without a word passing on the side of either,
+the sense of our comradeship was re-established.  If I could not feel
+that I was forgiven, I might take the comfort to myself that I was
+suffered.
+
+It soon grew apparent, now that the meridian of poor Cynthia's wrath
+was overpast, that the child would have to pay the price of it.  She
+became a very weight in my arms, and with the first beams of daylight
+was ready to faint with fatigue.  In the reaction of her mood she
+yielded herself to my will as readily and completely as ever.
+Therefore, to spare her as much as I could, I seized the first occasion
+to give her a place of rest.
+
+In the little light there were no houses to be seen, and even had there
+been, it was too early to hope to gain sanctuary in them.  There was a
+wood, however, close at hand, whither I partly led and partly carried
+her.  Within its warm and dry recesses, I selected a couch of green
+earth for her underneath a great tree, whose rough bark made something
+of a pillow for her head.  First, I took off my great-coat and spread
+it on the ground as comfortably as I could, placed her upon it, and
+then divesting myself of my thick, rough jacket wrapped her snugly in
+it.  The poor child was no sooner fixed in a position of some little
+comfort than she fell fast asleep.
+
+While she was very mercifully occupied thus, I spent several hours in
+pacing up and down the glades of the wood to keep myself warm, for,
+after all, in the air of the dawn, the sleeves of one's shirt are no
+very adequate protection.  To diversify this occupation I hunted an
+occasional squirrel, but with no prospect of catching one; and lay in
+wait, stone in hand, for many a white-tailed rabbit, but did so in
+vain.  Indeed, the only good fortune that fell to me in these nefarious
+pursuits was the discovery of a bird's-nest with several fine eggs in
+it.  But somehow I had not the heart to disturb those exquisite things;
+it may have been, especially as a small piece of sentiment may not come
+amiss even to the sworn enemies of it on an occasion of this kind, that
+the distrest birds and the distrest Cynthia had something in common.
+
+Any lingering fumes of wine being long since out of my head, thanks to
+the operations of the wholesome open air, I grew conscious of a very
+distinct craving for food about eight of the clock.  It was then that
+the thought of the generous Mr. Fielding's guinea proved such a source
+of solid comfort.  One must be a vagrant by the wayside, dependent on
+chance for one's crusts of bread, to experience what the contemplation
+of twenty-one shillings sterling means, when that contemplation is
+sharpened and assisted by a biting hunger.  In the days of my material
+greatness, not my houses, lands, revenues, not all my precious
+possessions had the power to bestow upon me that inexpressible sense of
+delightful anticipation which Mr. Fielding's guinea was able to do.  A
+whole guinea to a desperately hungry mortal who for two days had begged
+his bread!  What would it not purchase?  How much sheer honest feeding
+did it represent!  It would permit of delicate feeding, too, for
+Cynthia.  A fine lusty mutton-pasty for the earl; and a bowl of
+cream-covered milk, flanked with the whitest bread and the purest
+butter, for his countess.
+
+Cynthia still slept so soundly that I could not find it in my heart to
+rouse her.  Quite a long time I debated within myself whether to leave
+her thus whilst I betook myself to the nearest house in quest of food.
+At last, as she showed no signs of waking yet, I determined to do so.
+Fixing the spot with particular care in my mind where she lay, I went
+off briskly on my errand.  Happily a farm-house of goodly size was but
+a little distant; and here, by the aid of the magic guinea, was I
+accommodated, though, to be sure, without any special degree of favour.
+And at least my appearance could not be said to merit it.  I was
+without my coat, my clothes were coarse, and the worse for travel, I
+still bore a black eye, and the small wound at the side of my head was
+still rendered visible by the blood that had dried about it.  But as I
+had promised myself I got a draught of most excellent ale, a
+mutton-pasty too, which I bore along with me to eat at my leisure;
+whilst I procured for Cynthia a jug of warm milk, and fresh butter
+spread on some dainty slices of bread.
+
+As soon as I returned to the place where Cynthia lay, she awoke,
+wonderfully refreshed and with no trace of the distresses of the
+previous night about her.  She gave expression to her delight when I
+proudly produced her breakfast; whereon I redonned my coat.  And no
+sooner did she observe the use to which it had been put, than she
+upbraided me for discarding it.  Seating myself beside her, we made a
+perfectly admirable meal, but perhaps it was not after all our keen
+hunger that made the best sauce to it, but rather the fact that we were
+both in our natural minds again, and that our differences were
+forgotten.  All the same, I devoutly hoped that my dear Cynthia would
+not pause to inquire from what source the royal breakfast sprang.  I
+had no wish, you may be sure, to associate it with Mr. Fielding,
+however black the ingratitude.  Happily the question was not asked.
+
+When we had made our meal in this happy fashion, we repaired to the
+farm-house from which it had been obtained, to crave permission to
+perform our ablutions.  By paying for the same, we were able to make
+them in some comfort.  Like the arrant spendthrifts that we were, money
+was no object to us so long as our fortune lasted.  This accomplished,
+we set off again wonderfully refreshed in mind and body.  It was a
+sweetly fair spring morning, that made us step forth blithely.  It
+takes a very old and hardened cynic to resist nature at her vernal
+period.  And I think our reconciliation added to our happiness,
+although not once did we allude to the unlucky events of the night
+before.  But we exhibited such a fine consideration for one another
+now, and were so scrupulous of every little detail of our demeanour one
+towards the other, as plainly showed that the articles of peace were
+being heartily subscribed to by us both.  All the way it was, "Let me
+carry thy coat, my pretty one," or "Darling, walk this side of me in
+the shade lest the sun should overpower you," or "I do hope this bright
+sunshine will not affect your poor, broken pate."
+
+Sedulously avoiding all places of any size, lest our enemies should be
+lurking in them, we selected a modest roadside inn, in which to rest at
+mid-day, having left, I think, the town of Guildford some two miles to
+our right.  Here we ate and drank again with a degree of comfort that,
+considering our low estate, was quite luxurious.  So discreetly had we
+ordered the reckoning too, that there would be means enough left to us
+to furnish us with supper and a bed at some similar unpretentious inn
+when evening came.  You may believe me, or believe me not, but merely
+to think of sleeping once again on a bed of feathers, after having
+passed the best part of the two previous nights and days afoot, was
+almost a distracting pleasure.  I suppose a beggar's happiness consists
+solely in his belly and his bones; and even if it is not of the highest
+kind, what can be so intimate and full of zest?
+
+The evening came without any adventure worthy to be recorded.  We still
+kept well off the beaten tracks and were therefore so happy as not to
+encounter runners from Bow Street, indignant parents, nor scheming
+rivals.  The inn we selected was an ungenteel one enough in a remote
+village; and that night we supped and lay in it in conscious state, and
+royally spent the last of Mr. Fielding's guinea on a breakfast the
+following morning.  It was wanton in us, I dare say, to spend such a
+sum in a fashion so prodigal, but as yet our extremity had taught us no
+measure of prudence.  Besides, when we had not the wherewithal, were we
+not imbued with the excitements of those hunters who pursue for their
+needs?  It is an incomparable kind of sport to seek for food and
+lodging with devil a farthing to purchase it.
+
+With every penny of our late fortune squandered, we were again reduced
+to this employ.  It was then I bethought me of the gypsy's flute.  I
+bore it still in the pocket of my cloak; and had improvised several
+melodies already upon it to cheer our lonely way.  Thus, when we came
+to a village about noon, wanting refreshment and even a penny to
+furnish it, I boldly took forth the instrument and blew it for all I
+was worth as we walked slowly along the principal street.  Probably my
+notes were lustier and in better tune than is ordinary with others of
+this profession; or again, even an itinerant musician may have been a
+strange bird in this out-of-the-way place; for be it known that when
+Cynthia holding my hat in her hand sweetly importuned every staring
+yokel and every opened window with her daintiest smile and her
+gracefullest curtesy, we had acquired the sum of fourpence, mostly in
+halfpence, by the time we had come to the village alehouse.  Thither we
+repaired to invest this reward of our toil in as good a repast of bread
+and cheese and ale as could be obtained for the money.  We seasoned it
+by a fine argument as to whom the credit of it belonged.  I vowed it
+was my fine playing that was alone responsible for it; whilst Cynthia
+was equally firm in her conviction that it was entirely due to the
+elegance of her solicitations.
+
+We were mightily pleased with a prospect that offered a new source of
+revenue.  But ere long we were doomed to discover that it was not fair
+as we had supposed, and that it had its drawbacks.  This melancholy
+incident happened the very next time we put it in practice.  The scene
+of it was a somewhat larger village than the first, and we attracted
+such an amount of attention that I believe Cynthia collected as much as
+sevenpence in a very little while.  And so encouraged were we by the
+amount of favour with which we were received that we were emboldened to
+give a kind of set performance in front of the village ale-house.  It
+had even been decided that Cynthia should sing a love ballad, for she
+had a very sweet voice and was prettily accomplished in the use of it.
+
+Everything prospered with us admirably well for some time.  An audience
+gathered about us; and although a little inclined to be abashed at
+first, we overcame those feelings very soon and gave our singing and
+music with great spirit.  But just before we had come to the conclusion
+of the last piece, the throng was invaded by several stalwart fellows,
+amongst whom were the beadle of the parish and the squire of the place,
+both highly indignant to be sure.  The latter was red and fat and full
+of choler.
+
+"Take 'em both, Thomas," says he, wonderfully angry and stern, "and
+they shall be clapt into the stocks, sink me so they shall.  The idea
+of two vagrant wretches daring to affront me thus under my very nose.
+There shall be no playing of profane tricks and loud music in this
+parish, curse me if there shall be."
+
+Meanwhile the beadle, in the exercise of his authority, had twice set
+his dirty hands on my coat, and twice had I gently but firmly removed
+them.
+
+"I will venture to say we are doing no harm to any one, sir," says I to
+the squire, controlling my resentment as well as I could, and striving
+to ape a humility I did not feel.  "And surely, sir, you will not be
+too hard on poor people."
+
+This fellow, however, was plainly of that tribe that loves to exult
+over the weak.  It was his pleasure to display a greater and more
+despotic authority the less occasion there was for its exercise.  The
+meeker he found us the more unbending was his indignation.
+
+"How dare you venture to address me, you wandering vagabond?" says he.
+"Your damnable impertinence does but aggravate your offence.  I will
+see whether you will defy me, I will so.  You shall go to the stocks at
+once, and you may bless your fortune it is not the house of correction."
+
+It needed but a glance to assure us that to resist would be vain.  Not
+only the beadle, but several other persons under the immediate eye of
+this despot, were but too ready to curry favour with him by doing his
+bidding.  In fact, one and all of those present seemed to conceive a
+mighty admiration of his rage.  They felt such a display of anger and
+unfettered will to be sublime.  Therefore, we were pushed and hustled
+with many unnecessary indignities, all the throng following to the
+village green, and were set side by side in the stocks forthwith.  When
+we had been duly affixed in this place of humiliation, the squire made
+us quite a lengthy harangue, not so much I suspect for our edification
+as for the glory of himself.  His anger against us inoffensive
+creatures who answered him not a word, mounted higher and higher till
+it grew truly magnificent.  He stamped and raved and swore; he had a
+mind to do this, and a mind to do that, and 'fore God he would if it
+were not for the abominable leniency of his character.  The beadle kept
+nodding his head, and fretted himself into a kind of ecstasy of
+admiration of the squire's remarks; whilst the villagers could be heard
+to say to one another: "Lord, an't squire noble angry-like to be sure."
+But neither of us retorted on the fellow by so much as a word, and I
+think we were well advised not to do so, for had we but unbosomed
+ourselves of a very small part of what was in our hearts he might have
+had a real grievance to set against us.
+
+Therefore we both regarded him in silence, and strove to maintain a
+demeanour of the coldest disdain.  It was not very easy, to be sure, in
+that posture, with jeers and humiliation besetting us on every side.
+Yet we persevered in it so well that presently it did not fail in its
+effect.  For our persecutor was such a poltroon at heart that although
+we were secured and quite at his mercy, he no sooner observed that we
+scorned him, than the torrent of his eloquence grew sensibly less.  So
+long as we were humble and appeared to shrink and tremble before him,
+his rage knew no bounds.  But the moment we called in a little disdain
+to our aid, he grew less certain of himself, and was so baffled and
+held in check by it, that at last he bethought himself that he would
+best serve his dignity by taking himself off.  His parasite the beadle
+went with him, but a considerable number of the yokels stayed to keep
+us company.  Their disposition was to make sport of our misfortune.
+But how true is that old saw--so the master, so the man.
+
+For with a good deal of difficulty, as you may guess, we managed to
+preserve an appearance of mighty dignified unconcern, however far we
+might be from feeling it, and contrived to converse one with another in
+a perfectly natural and amiable manner, for all the world as though we
+were not sitting in the stocks at all, but in the village alehouse.  In
+the face of such a fine contempt the spectators were just as much at a
+loss as ever the squire had been.  They were there to bully and bait
+us, but under our unwavering eyes had not the courage to do so.  Indeed
+it seemed to involve such a degree of initiative on their part to kick
+two persons who after all were not thoroughly and effectually knocked
+down, that one by one they followed the example of the squire and slunk
+away.
+
+When the best part of these idle and mischievous persons had departed,
+and our admirers were diminished to about a score of the village
+urchins who were not to be so easily daunted, says I to my little
+companion, who to be sure had been wonderfully steadfast through all
+our misfortunes:
+
+"I think, your ladyship, we shall best forget the distresses of our
+present situation by arrogating to ourselves the grandeur of our former
+state.  How was the dear queen when you saw her last?  Had she quite
+recovered of her whooping-cough?"
+
+"Oh yes, I thank your lordship," says Cynthia glibly.  "But surely your
+lordship was at the levée last Tuesday month?"
+
+"No, rat me if I was," says I, with a languid air.  "The fact of the
+matter is, I have not the taste for these routs and drums and crushes
+and assemblies.  My father, the late lord, I have heard boast that he
+never missed above three in thirty years.  But I think your ladyship
+will be the first to own that in these days the _haut ton_ is not so
+vastly energetic as it once was.  For myself, I would be the first to
+confess that the practices and observances of the genteel and polite
+world weary me to distraction.  I never get into my Court suit but what
+I die of fatigue in the operation!"
+
+"His Grace of Middlesex I have heard speak to the same tenor," says
+Cynthia; "and often enough have I heard her grace the duchess reprove
+it in him."
+
+"I think," says I, "it was a fashion that first obtruded itself in the
+Prince of Wales."
+
+"Ah, the dear prince!" says she.  "How like his poor dear Royal
+Highness it is, to be sure!  I hope your lordship was not with him at
+that particular drawing-room where he took off so many of the gentlemen
+to play a game at basset or hazard or what not in the antechamber."
+
+"Primero, your ladyship," says I gravely.
+
+It was in this edifying fashion that we supported ourselves in our
+present trials.  Our conversation was carried to the very heights of
+the genteel, and was chiefly concerned with the Royal Family.  We
+mentioned nobody under a peer, and contrived to bring in those great
+persons in a highly inept and fashionable manner.  Had any one heard
+our conversation they must have marvelled to know how two people so
+vastly polite and who moved in such exalted circles could ever have
+come in that place.  The smack of humour in the thing was undeniable,
+but I am not sure that we did not retail those details, anecdotes, and
+reminiscences in the mincing, clipping tone of St. James's as much for
+a vindication of ourselves and a salve for our wounded feelings as for
+the whimsicality of the occupation.
+
+We were still beguiling the time in this way when the beadle came to
+release us.  In the performance of this office he gave us a great deal
+of advice that we could very well have dispensed with.  He was also
+charged with a message from the squire as to how much more serious the
+consequences would be if either of us were caught in those parts again.
+Having at last obtained our freedom, we were not long in shaking the
+dust of this unlucky parish off our feet.
+
+As we went away we were a good deal disconcerted by the turn our
+affairs were taking.  It was already growing dark, and sensibly colder,
+and worse, it was coming on to rain.  And we had but a matter of
+sevenpence to provide us with the supper that we should soon be greatly
+in need of, and a protection from the night's inclemency.  To have had
+recourse to the flute once more, and I gravely doubt after what had
+happened whether we should have had the stomach to have done so, would
+not have served us.  We were a long way from the next village, and the
+evening had already come.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS
+
+Hand-in-hand we trudged along valiantly.  The rain came, at first a
+thin, hesitating haze, then with a quicker patter and a brisker
+resolution, which presently settled into a steady sullen all-night
+down-pour.  We were very well shod, happily, and we drew our cloaks
+tightly about us, and turned our faces to the deluge.  To pass the
+night in the open air in weather of this sort was impossible, but we
+were like to be in the predicament of that first evening out of London.
+Once more were we wholly ignorant of the way, were in great discomfort
+of body, and had no wherewithal by which we could relieve it.  We were
+again called on to endure all the discomforts inseparable from our lot.
+The only sound from the great darkness that covered the land was the
+squish of the water under our feet, and the ceaseless twitter of the
+rain on the road.  Although our clothes were a steaming burden, and
+clung about us in a sop, we tried not to be daunted.  We pursued our
+way through mud and puddles, resisting the hunger and weariness that
+crept so insidiously upon us.  And whatever the outward conditions of
+our state I don't think we minded greatly.  The example of one another
+kept us from flagging, even as the possession of one another kept us
+from complaining.
+
+At last, having dragged our weary limbs up a steep hill, and having
+crested the brow, we saw all at once quite a number of lights gleaming
+below in the valley.  It was plainly a considerable place, to judge by
+them; and though it was in our best interests to keep away from all
+towns and villages of any size and importance, on this occasion we did
+not pay much heed to these scruples, but went boldly and gladly towards
+it.
+
+"But what shall we profit when we get there?" says Cynthia.  "We have
+but a matter of sevenpence between us, which will avail us little
+enough for food and a lodging.  And I am sure there will be nobody to
+be found who will extend their charity to such a pair of drenched
+beggars as we are.  Oh, what can we possibly do!"
+
+I pondered on this hard problem for a full minute.  Cynthia's gloomy
+views were hopelessly right.  We were indeed a pair of beggars,
+homeless and destitute.  But we could not walk about all through that
+wretched wet night on the open road.  We must find some asylum for our
+weariness, if only a cow-hovel as it had been formerly.  This night,
+however, put us in no mind for that kind of thing.  We longed for the
+luxuries of a bright fire at which to dry our clothes, a warm supper at
+which to defeat the dismal weather, and a snug bed afterwards.  But how
+could we make sevenpence go so far?  Beat my brains as I might, I could
+find no solution to this hard problem.  Yet we both yearned for these
+comforts so keenly, that at last we came to the resolve that we would
+obtain them by hook or by crook, if not by fair means, by those more
+desperate, and be hanged to the consequences!  Accordingly, when we
+arrived at the first house in the place, I thrilled Cynthia by boldly
+knocking on the door, and thrilled her further by more boldly asking
+the title of the principal inn.  As it bore the promising name of the
+Angel, and was less than half-a-mile along that very road, and was said
+to be a remarkably good inn, we were encouraged to push on in search of
+it.
+
+"Oh, Jack," says poor Cynthia nervously, "whatever will the
+consequences be?  It must be quite a public place; the landlord will
+certainly ask to see our money before he serves us, such a poor vagrant
+pair must we seem in the eyes of everybody; some of those horrid Bow
+Street runners may be there too, or possibly my father.  And if we take
+that for which we are unable to pay, we may get sent to prison, or----"
+
+"Put in the stocks," says I.
+
+Cynthia shuddered, and then laughed a little.
+
+"I don't think," says she, "we shall ever fear that indignity again.
+At least we came triumphantly through that ordeal."
+
+"Merely by being bold," says I, "and the exercise of our sense of
+mirth.  And that is what will be demanded of us in the adventure that
+is before us.  Let us play our parts as bravely here, and I am
+convinced that we shall come out of it just as successfully.  Let us be
+bold and take our courage in our hands, and I'll answer for it we'll
+get a supper, a fire, a bottle, and a bed, and no questions asked.  But
+only a sufficient hardihood can do it, do you understand?  We must not
+bear ourselves as a pair of beggars at this inn, but rather as persons
+of consideration and great place.  You must be daughter to the duke, my
+prettiness, and I will be a devil of a peer."
+
+"That is all very fine, Jack," says Cynthia, who on occasion could be
+very shrewd, "but how are we to reconcile our lost and destitute state
+with our exalted degree?
+
+"A most happy idea," says I, suddenly seized with the same.  "I have it
+exactly.  We must be a pair of travellers who have been set on by a
+highwayman, turned out of our carriage, and robbed of all our money and
+valuables."
+
+"Yes," urged Cynthia, "but what carriage can we have to show?"
+
+"We can provide for that too," says I, in the throes of invention.
+"Our servants were so affrighted at the highwayman's appearance, that
+they made off pell-mell, carriage and all, without once stopping to
+look behind them."
+
+"A not very plausible story," urged Cynthia again.
+
+"I agree with you there," says I, "but we must strengthen any defects
+in our tale by the vigour and sincerity of its narration.  We must play
+our parts at the very height of our ability, and the landlord, whoever
+he is, shall be put to it very hard to catch us tripping.  A bold
+demeanour and a loud voice go a long way in these days.  I can smell
+that supper already, and I feel my feet to be toasting before the warm
+blaze.  And here we are to be sure under the very sign of the house, as
+goodly a country hostel i'faith as I ever saw, at which to arrive on a
+pouring wet night."
+
+Forsooth we were already come to the door.  By its substantial,
+well-lit, comfortable look, and the space in front of it, it had the
+appearance of a coaching inn.  And for that matter it did not call for
+much observation to prove such to be the case.  It stood at the
+junction of four roads.  The one that had carried us thither was a
+by-road, running at this point across one of the main coaching
+highways.  When we discovered this to be the case we paused a moment.
+There was a degree of publicity about such a hostelry that we could
+have very well done without.  We were certainly taking a great risk
+lest our enemies should enter it; and again, the charges were likely to
+be high.  Yet it took only a brief reflection to decide us.  We were
+utterly cold, hungry and jaded, our cloaks were soaked with rain, and
+the mud rose above our ankles.  Therefore leaving discretion outside in
+the rain, we entered boldly.
+
+The chamber we found ourselves in was in singular and delightful
+contrast to the conditions from which we had emerged.  It was brightly
+lit, a rare wood fire crackled and sputtered on the hearth, and threw
+its shadows on the oaken panellings.  An incomparable smell of cookery
+pervaded it, and a table was laid for supper.  The whole apartment was
+spotlessly clean, replete with comfort, and altogether was a model of
+what such a room should be in an inn of the better sort.
+
+The room had only one occupant; he, a gentleman who sat at his ease,
+waiting for his supper in a chair by the brisk fire.  He was a
+wonderfully handsome man, young, bold-eyed, and with a look of gay
+impudence more winning than displeasing.  He threw up his eyes as soon
+as we entered and frankly took our measure.  He went over us from top
+to toe with the frank audacity of a pretty woman or a child.  He was
+plainly a little puzzled by us.  He could not reconcile our appearance
+with our address.  We must indeed have looked to a stranger at that
+moment the most draggle-tailed couple that ever came out of Bridewell.
+But we had got all our best town airs about us too, and the contrast
+between our state and our address must have been ludicrous, truly.
+
+We had hardly got in to the room ere the landlord came bustling
+forward.  His mode of assessing the character of his guests was more
+peremptory.  We were in a wretched plight, and had come afoot without
+baggage and unattended.  He gave us one shrewd contemptuous glance and
+says:
+
+"You are come to the wrong house, are you not, master?  The Chequers, a
+bit further along the road to your left, is more in your style, I'm
+thinking.  The quality comes to this house, dy'e see?"
+
+"God bless my soul," I roared, "was there ever such effrontery!  Why,
+you pot-bellied ruffian, I would knock you down as flat as your own ale
+were it not for fatigue and the presence of a lady.  The wrong house,
+is it?  Do you take us for a pair of pickers and stealers then, you
+beer-barrel!  Call a chambermaid this minute and have her ladyship
+taken to the best bedroom you have got in the place, or I will rub my
+boots into the small of your fat back, upon mine honour so I will."
+
+A less forcible method of address might have permitted of a
+controversy, in which we should have everything to lose and nothing
+whatever to gain.  But this fine assault, this taking of the landlord
+by storm, completely disarmed him.  In an instant his demeanour
+completely changed, as is usual with those of his kidney.  From the
+contemptuous critic he was transformed into the grovelling lackey.  On
+the instant he was ours to command.  With many bows and congees he was
+soon inquiring what we would have for supper, and which wine we would
+prefer.  He also presumed that our luggage and attendants would
+presently arrive.
+
+"Devil a bit of it," says I.  "Neither one nor the other will you see
+this night.  Our wretched rogues have had such a fright that I will bet
+my leg they never draw rein until they make the blessed town o' London.
+A murrain upon them, and may they die of a vertigo!"
+
+The landlord clasped his palms in a fine attitude of humility,
+curiosity and awe.
+
+"Lord save us!" says he, "what can have happened to your lordship?"
+
+"Why, something that is always happening to us, of course," says I,
+with a great air of a glib matter of fact.  "One of these pestilential
+highwaymen stopped us and tried us on this very road, not five miles
+off.  Cocked his ugly mug through the carriage-window as cool as a
+church, and had us step out of our cushions into the pouring rain.
+Took our money and jewels off us before you could say your prayers.
+And not content with all this, burn me for a heretick! if out of pure
+wantonness this villain did not discharge his barker across the nose of
+the leader, and away they flew downhill to the devil before we could
+jump in again.  They are miles away ere this, and lord knows how we
+shall contrive to return to town."
+
+I suppose there must have been a nice tone of verisimilitude in this
+tissue of lies, or a ring of truth in my tone, or an expression of
+perfect veracity in my eyes, for the landlord put never another
+question to us upon that matter, but accepted my heart-moving tale with
+a mien of deep solicitude.  I think I must be unusually gifted in this
+particular, since this bold story worked on his credulity to such a
+remarkable degree.  And either our supposed misadventures or my command
+of great oaths must have invested us in the landlord's mind with the
+indisputable evidences of high quality, for his obeisances grew
+profounder for the recital, and though by our own confession we had not
+a penny about us with which to requite him, he proposed to entertain us
+to the utmost of his capacity.
+
+"Your lordship and your ladyship will doubtless prefer an entirely
+private apartment in which to sup," says he.  "If you will very kindly
+bear with this one while a fire is lighted in another, I will go about
+it at once, and also prepare you as good a meal as it is in the power
+of this poor place to furnish."
+
+However, as I was rather taken than otherwise with the appearance of
+the solitary occupant of this room, and even more so by the rare warmth
+and comfort of it, I was fain to suggest that if our company was not
+disagreeable to the present occupant, we should be well content to stay
+where we were, and take our supper in his society.  And, indeed, the
+frank, amused, wonderfully naïve countenance he turned on the
+innkeeper, and the air of perfect good-breeding with which he asked the
+honour of our company at his table, promised excellent companionship to
+follow.  I having gratefully accepted his offer, he very politely
+insisted that I should choose the wine, adding that our host kept a
+very tolerable cellar, and paid a particular compliment to the Burgundy.
+
+In a variety of amiable ways we were very well advanced in a
+companionship long before supper was served.  Our friend, in addition
+to his handsome looks and elegant manners, appeared to have a good deal
+of knowledge of the world.  His tastes, too, seemed extremely refined.
+He was well versed in Dryden, Virgil, and Shakespeare, and passed the
+highest encomiums on the genius of Mr. Henry Fielding.  He contributed
+some excellently apposite remarks to the long-standing controversy
+respecting the merits of the author of _Tom Jones_ in comparison with
+those of the author of _Clarissa_.  To my extreme gratification he
+declared strongly for the former, whereon Mrs. Cynthia, following the
+fashion of her sex, took up the cudgels very warmly for the latter.
+
+"My dear madam," says our friend, laughing in his musical tones, "the
+difference between those two authors is that between honest, searching
+brandy punch and tea twice watered with a good deal of sugar in it."
+
+"That is doubtless the case," says Cynthia.  "But whereas the one may
+degrade a man to the level of a beast,"--I will do her the justice of
+saying she laid no particular stress on this simile, neither did she
+look at me, greatly to my relief--"the other is perfectly harmless,
+wholesome and stimulating.  Mr. Richardson's morality hath never been
+impeached, but Mr. Fielding's hath never been defended."
+
+"It is not always the person who lifts up his voice the loudest, madam,
+who is the most worthy to be heard," says our friend gravely.  "Nor is
+it he who makes the best parade of his virtue who is invariably the
+most valuable member of society.  I dare say Mr. Fielding would blush
+as much to be found out in a good act as Mr. Richardson would to be
+caught in a bad one; but for all that I would prefer to recommend
+myself to the author of the so-called loose and scandalous _Tom Jones_,
+than he of the so-called high-toned _Clarissa_, were I in need of a
+dinner and a guinea."
+
+"Sir," says I, "you have put the gist of the matter excellently.  You
+are one of the very few persons I have met who hath had the wit to draw
+this essential distinction between the characters of two such diverse
+writers.  What the world is for ever failing to apprehend is that true
+morality, like true religion, has nothing to do with the profession of
+it; and that man who as often as not best serves his species is he who
+least pretends to do so."
+
+Yet no sooner had I ventured to confirm the wisdom of my friend with my
+own opinion, than my dear Mrs. Cynthia began to take my interference as
+a personal matter aimed at her rather than at the argument.  Thus in a
+truly feminine fashion she got upon her dignity and invested her
+championship of Mr. Richardson, and more especially her animadversion
+of Mr. Fielding, with several palpable references to my recent
+behaviour in his company.  At least the unease of my conscience put
+this construction upon her replies, although when I reflected upon the
+matter afterwards I could find no grounds except those of my own guilty
+knowledge for supposing that she was at all acquainted with our meeting.
+
+It was a real relief none the less when our heated discourse on
+morality was at last interrupted by the arrival of the first dish, a
+highly delectable loin of pork flanked with sage and onions.  We sat
+down in much comfort and did ample justice to the fare.  Our friend's
+manners at the table had all the elegance of good-breeding, whilst his
+conversation under the benign influences of excellent dishes and good
+wine was as entertaining and various as any one need listen to.  He was
+at a loss on no subject whatever; and there was such an easy air of
+gallantry about him, too, as commended him extremely to the susceptible
+Cynthia, however they might differ in their opinions on the subject of
+morality.  Indeed his mien was so winning and so perfectly acceptable
+withal to her ladyship, that I could have wished he had less of those
+graces to recommend him.  For I'll swear that her eyes shone to his
+speeches, and there was a fine colour in her cheeks, however
+indignantly she may be moved to deny it.  There was a sly humour in the
+fellow too, which as the meal wore on and the excellence of the fare
+warmed his heart, he manifested in various ways.  To start with, he
+made more than one allusion to our supposed misfortune.  What kind of a
+person was the highwayman, he asked in a tone equally pregnant with
+mischief and concern.
+
+"Oh, pretty tallish," says I, with admirable vagueness and promptitude.
+
+Thereupon he put a vast number of questions all bearing on the
+appearance of our assailant.  Had he a cast in his eye? a scar on his
+lip?  Did he speak with a west country burr? and so forth.  These were
+but a few.  For strive as we would to turn the topic towards something
+that might disconcert us less, he persisted in returning again and
+again to our supposed adventure on the road.  The theme seemed to have
+a kind of fascination for him.  At last it grew too plain that his
+pertinacity had serious purpose behind it.  Either my fencing grew too
+obvious or his queries grew too direct, for I was presently led to see
+that he had formed his own opinion on the matter, and that he proposed
+to convict us out of our own mouths.  It was with an effort therefore
+that I retained my politeness, since the deeper one is in the wrong the
+more is one inclined to resent its being proved against one.
+
+"I should be obliged, sir," says I, "if you will do us the favour of
+forgetting this unfortunate circumstance.  We have already come to
+regard our property as lost, and having made up our minds upon that we
+cease to regret it.  Indeed, we had already dismissed so trivial a
+matter from our minds, and should not have thought fit to recall it,
+had not the predicament of our penury, and the obstinate importunities
+of this fellow the landlord, compelled us to allude to it again.  You
+will vastly oblige me, sir, by ceasing to mention it."
+
+"You are very well schooled in the art of evasion, sir," says the
+other.  "But I am much too greatly interested in this affair to consent
+to its stopping at this.  The manner of the appearance of your adorable
+companion and yourself here in this place this evening perplexes and
+surprises me beyond measure.  I humbly crave your pardon if I may seem
+to transgress the bounds of good taste, sir, but might I venture to ask
+whether you were coming from London or were you going there?"
+
+"Going there," says I incautiously.
+
+"Then I confess," says he smoothly, "my perplexity increases.  If you
+were going to London, how could it happen that you were descending,
+instead of mounting Marling Hill?"
+
+I plainly saw that the fellow had lured me into a trap.
+
+"Really, sir," says I, with some show of heat, "I am sorry that you
+cannot see fit to respect my protests.  You will do me a real service,
+sir, if you will cease to pursue this disagreeable subject."
+
+"I do not doubt you on that last point, sir," says the other.  "And I
+wonder if I might make so bold as to inquire how it befalls that two
+persons who are presumably of the first quality, or at least of great
+gentility, are to be found travelling the country in an attire that the
+meanest of their servants would think twice before they affected?"
+
+"This is insufferable, this is intolerable," says I.  "I decline
+peremptorily to answer such questions.  They are impertinent, sir,
+impertinent; and it grieves me to think that a gentleman of your taste
+and discretion could have thought fit to put them."
+
+However, my annoyance could restrain him no better than my persuasion.
+He laughed openly, and then suddenly cast off the veil.  With a curl at
+his lips, and an unmistakable impudence in his eyes, says he:
+
+"I think the time is come, sir, when we might with profit understand
+one another a little better.  Might we not deal a little more frankly
+with one another, do you not think?  For instance, if you are prepared
+to confess that you have been beset by no highwayman whatever, and the
+whole invention of him, the coach, the valuables, the servants, and the
+horses is a cock-and-bull story intended to divert the attention of our
+honest host from your destitute condition, I am just as prepared to
+accept that statement."
+
+"Sir," says I, "I fear that you forget yourself.  You insult me
+wantonly."
+
+However difficult it may be to condone the truth when it is so
+unblushingly expressed, I was hardly in a position to punish him for
+the publication of it.  Not that it was any sneaking respect for the
+truth that restrained me.  It was rather that I had arrived at years of
+a certain discretion.  Was there not everything in the world to lose
+and nothing whatever to gain by indulging in open passages with a total
+stranger?  Cynthia was at my side, and wholly dependent upon me.  And
+it was her presence and that thought which enabled me to keep so tight
+a rein on my furious inclination.  Meanwhile this person had turned
+such a cool impudent scrutiny upon me that it seemed as though he
+calmly spelt out every phase of thought through which I was at that
+moment passing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION
+
+I was by now worked up to a pretty rage.  The stranger regarded it,
+however, with perfect calmness, not to say enjoyment.
+
+"In your own particular branch of the profession, sir," says he,
+laughing, "I am the first to admit that you do remarkably well.  A good
+carriage, a refined appearance, an excellent address, and a quite
+singular degree of assurance, there is but little wanting to your
+success.  The lady, your fair companion, is wholly admirable.  She hath
+the very look and air of a gentlewoman.  She is vastly engaging too,
+and hath some sweet looks of her own; and I am prepared to say that she
+would reassure the most suspicious of landlords and the most
+incredulous of travellers."
+
+"I protest, sir," says I, "that I do not follow you in the least."
+
+"I think between friends, sir," says the other, "you might reasonably
+drop the high tone.  I am not at all imposed on by it.  Besides, where
+is the need?  Believe me, I am the last man in the world to betray a
+brother in the pursuit of his calling.  I have some few gifts myself,
+and my name for some years past hath been considered an ornament to the
+profession; but whatever my vanity, I am ever foremost in recognizing
+true merit in others.  I have never had the pleasure of meeting you
+before, sir, but the very real talent you have already evinced will
+make William Sadler proud to be numbered among your friends."
+
+Although Mr. William Sadler, whoever he might be, pronounced his name
+in the manner of one who is accustomed to have it greeted with
+flattering recognition, as this was the first time I had happened to
+hear of so exalted a personage, I was unable to pay it the homage I
+think he expected from me.
+
+"You must really pardon me, sir," says I, "but who you are or what your
+name is does not particularly interest me.  I do not remember to have
+heard it before, and certainly as you appear to entertain such strange
+views as to the manner in which friendship is to be conducted, I have
+no very burning desire to hear it again."
+
+At last it seemed I had found in him a tender spot.  The purple
+deepened in his cheeks, and there was a brightness of anger in his
+eyes.  It was plain that to be ignorant of the name of Mr. William
+Sadler was to be guilty of a grave solecism.  But his chagrin was only
+momentary, for he had an admirable command of himself, and at once
+resumed the control of his feelings.
+
+"It strikes me as something of an affectation, sir," says he, "that one
+who practises a very similar calling should yet profess an ignorance of
+a name, which I may say, without making a boast of it, stands foremost
+in a kindred profession, and hath ever been reckoned an honour and an
+embellishment to it.  The name of William Sadler, sir, is known and
+reverenced wherever gentlemen of the pad of all shades and degrees do
+congregate or hold their intercourse.  It grieves me, sir, that such a
+fine example of our calling at its best, as is to be seen in the person
+of yourself, sir, and in that of your fair companion, should yet deny
+the smallest recognition to one who hath been allowed by the ablest
+practitioners of the time, and by publick opinion also, to be worthy of
+his meed of praise."
+
+I confess I was getting out of my depth.  My companion was wholly
+unintelligible to me.  What he meant by his allusions to our kindred
+professions, his own celebrity, and my own skill in an art of which I
+did not even know the name, gravelled me completely.  In his smooth,
+even tones, it was impossible not to find a genuine regret.  But
+methought there was even more of irony in it too, a very delicate irony
+that seemed entirely to consist with his cultivated and polished
+character.  Indeed the man was an enigma altogether.  His manner, his
+appearance, his address were those of a gentleman.  He was an elegant,
+well-informed, well-equipped man of the world, capable of exciting the
+admiration of a lady of quality, as many a time I have been fain to
+acquaint Mrs. Cynthia subsequently.  But who he might be passed me
+altogether.  He could not be a great author like Mr. Fielding.  In that
+case I should have been more familiar with his name.  He could not be a
+man of the first fashion, for the same reason.  Neither was he foremost
+in Parliament, in the King's service, in the Queen's favour, nor was he
+a virtuoso in the arts.  In what manner was he celebrated then?  I
+could not forbear from putting the question to him.  As it happened,
+our host was fussing about the supper-table at that moment with the
+pudding.
+
+"I refer you, sir," says he, "to our worthy Boniface, our excellent Mr.
+Jim Grundy, for the panegyric of my character."
+
+Upon this the innkeeper looked from one to the other of us with a great
+deal of unction, and involved his rosy countenance in such a number of
+nods and winks as conferred a great air of mystery on a simple question.
+
+"Come, my good Grundy," says our companion, "inform the lady and
+gentleman who Mr. William Sadler is."
+
+"They don't know who Mr. William Sadler is," says the landlord.  "Who
+ever heard the like of it!  He, he, he!"
+
+Instead of giving us any precise information on this point, the
+landlord laughed and laughed again.  Once or twice he seemed to brace
+himself to break the important news to us, yet on each occasion as he
+was about to open his mouth to do so, a fresh gust of mirth nearly
+choked him into a fit.  Indeed, he was wholly incapable of getting
+farther than:
+
+"Not know who Mr. Will Sadler is; well, I call that a good 'un."
+
+And I suppose we might have still remained in ignorance of the identity
+of our companion to this hour, for apparently Mr. William Sadler was
+too proud to exhibit his claims to notoriety, and the innkeeper was
+physically incapable of doing so, had it not been for a whimsical
+occurrence that presently befell.  Amity had been in a great measure
+restored, and we had nearly finished our supper in peace, having at the
+same time behaved very creditably by the wine and the victuals, when
+the landlord suddenly burst in upon us again with a very agitated face.
+"Oh, Mr. William," cries he to our friend, "whatever shall we do?  A
+sheriff's posse is coming along, and I fear it is you they are seeking
+hot-foot.  They will be here in a minute, and I do not see that you can
+possibly get out in time."
+
+Words of this nature vastly interested us, you may be sure.  We noted
+that despite the shaken condition of the landlord, Mr. Sadler was
+perfectly cool.
+
+"Hold 'em as long as you can in talk," says he, "and I will play 'em my
+old trick.  But, my dear fellow, let me beg of you to compose yourself
+a little.  Such a face as you are wearing is enough to betray the
+cunningest knight in the country, and I must also crave the indulgence
+of my two friends here.  I am sure their true sporting instincts, to
+say nothing of a professional fellow-feeling, will enable them to give
+me any small assistance I may be in need of."
+
+While he was speaking in this singular manner, he was occupying himself
+in one no less remarkable.  He casually produced a fresh wig from one
+of the huge pockets of the riding-coat that hung on the back of a chair
+near his elbow, and having shook it out, discarded the modest tie wig
+he was wearing in favour of this much grander one, which he placed on
+his head with absolute nicety and correctness.  Having got as far as
+this, the landlord apprehended which line he was going to take.  Armed
+with that knowledge, the host accordingly moved to the threshold to
+greet the sheriff's posse, whilst Mr. Sadler went on with his toilet.
+This consisted in attaching a grey beard to his chin, a pair of
+moustachios to his upper lip, and a formidable pair of horn spectacles
+to his eyes.  All of these he produced from the same pocket as the wig.
+The consequence was a complete and effectual transformation; and had we
+not been witnesses of the process itself, we could not possibly have
+identified our companion of the previous moment in this venerable sage.
+
+This strange play which was passing in front of our eyes was so
+bewildering that at first we could hardly realize what was taking
+place, or gauge the singular situation in which we found ourselves.
+But hearing the lusty demanding voices of the persons who even at that
+moment were at the threshold of the inn, the whole meaning of this odd
+matter suddenly flashed into my mind.  Our elegant companion was a
+professional breaker of laws, a highwayman most probably, and the
+sheriff's men were hot on his track.  Yet as I looked at the venerable
+figure before me, the embodiment of stately grace and honoured age, I
+could not forbear from laughing at him.
+
+"An excellent jest," says he, in a voice that so utterly differed from
+his natural one as to bestow the last and crowning touch to his altered
+character.  "But it is one that I have played so often in one form or
+another upon these and similar people that I begin to fear it may grow
+a little worn-out.  However, I must trust to my proverbial luck, and
+your kind co-operation."
+
+He had no time to say anything more before these unwelcome visitors
+came into the room with the landlord at their head.
+
+"You can really take my word for it, gentlemen I assure you," he said
+positively, protesting, "I have seen no such person as you describe.
+Nor is it at all likely that my house, which has ever been famous for
+its high respectability, would harbour such a desperate ruffian.  You
+say that His Majesty's mail has been stopped and tried this evening by
+Will Sadler not five miles off, and that booty exceeding four thousand
+pounds hath been taken.  Lord defend us, gentlemen, whoever heard the
+like!  It is incredible; can this be the eighteenth century?"
+
+By this about half a-dozen dirty, rain-soaked ruffians, comprising the
+sheriff's posse, had come into the room.  And at the head of them, if
+you please, was that very despotic justice, the squire of the
+neighbouring parish, who that afternoon had clapt us in the stocks.
+His appearance certainly complicated matters a good deal, and was like
+to make them vastly more awkward for us.  Yet the fellow at this time
+was in such an excited state of mind, due to the recent terrible event
+and his high sense of what he was pleased to call his public duty, that
+he gave neither Cynthia nor myself the slightest recognition.  Indeed,
+he had most probably forgotten our recent encounter.
+
+I had hardly on my side recognized the justice ere my decision was
+taken.  It may be to my lasting discredit as a good citizen and true
+subject that I hardly so much as gave a thought to betraying the
+desperate fellow who was so completely delivered into our hands.  One
+word from either of us, and his last exploit would have been
+perpetrated.  But it would have called for a greater humanity or a
+less, sure I know not which, and a deeper instinct of the public weal
+than either of us appeared to possess, to deliver up Mr. Sadler in cold
+blood to the tender mercies of the law.  Accordingly I took a bold
+course, perhaps as much to assist the disguise of our companion as to
+preserve our own impunity.
+
+Swinging round on the justice and the inn-keeper, I exhibited a degree
+of excitement at the news by no means inferior to their own.
+
+"Zounds!" I cried, "what are you saying, landlord?  King's mail, four
+thousand pounds, villain escaped.  Whenever did I hear the like?  He
+must be pursued; we must leave no stone unturned.  Do I understand that
+he is on these premises?"
+
+The stress of my concern and the degree of authority I contrived to
+insinuate into it, stood me in good stead with the squire, who saw in
+me a person as law-abiding as himself.  Indeed, the number of
+breathless questions I pestered him with concerning how the matter
+happened, when it happened, who could be made responsible for it, and
+what steps could be taken to prevent it happening again, all of which
+were so futile and worth so little, as presently suggested to the
+squire that he might conceivably be in the company of a brother justice.
+
+"Are you in the commission, may I ask, sir?" says he.
+
+"Aye, that I am, sir," says I, "for the county of Wilts.  I never was
+more distressed by anything than the news of this grievous affair."
+
+"Very pleased to meet you, sir," says the squire.  "I am in the
+commission too, sir, and I quite agree with every word you have thought
+fit to utter.  Every word, I do upon my word, sir."
+
+It was remarkable how the fact that I was a justice of the peace as
+well as himself affected his demeanour.  He developed a sudden
+affability towards me, and used a special tone in which to address me.
+He discovered such a respect for my opinion, showed so many marks of
+his consideration for me, and generally endeavoured to ingratiate
+himself into my esteem in a way that allowed it to be clearly
+understood that to his mind the office of a magistrate had lifted me at
+once out of the ruck of common men.  I was one who, like himself, had
+been as it were initiated into the Eleusinian mysteries.  My look, my
+lightest word, was to him of vastly more importance than even the
+business he had come upon.  Indeed he was quite overjoyed to find
+himself in the society of a person who was of his own rank in life, and
+one with whom he might converse without imperilling his own uneasy
+dignity.  It was delightful to observe how my presence unfitted him to
+pay the slightest attention to any one other than myself.  He could
+hardly bring himself to address the innkeeper or his attendants in the
+presence of a brother magistrate.  And to such an extent was he worked
+upon that even the business that had brought him thither paled into
+insignificance before so felicitous a meeting.
+
+After a full five minutes had been spent on his affable reception of
+me, and he had repeated again and again how pleased and honoured he was
+to meet me; and he had asked me how long I had been in the commission,
+and had told me how long he had been in it, and how long his father had
+been in it before him; with other matters of the first importance, and
+all mightily pertinent to the robbery of the royal mail, one of his men
+had the temerity to make a suggestion.
+
+"Begging your honour's pardon," says he, politely touching his hat,
+"but what does your honour think we had better do, seeing as how the
+man don't seem to be here?"
+
+"Do," says the squire, taking him up angrily.  "Burn me, was there ever
+such insolence?  Are you not aware that I am at present engaged with
+your betters, and yet you have the damnable impertinence to ask me what
+you shall do."
+
+"But the highwayman, if you please, your honour," says the other, who
+was rather a stubborn fellow.
+
+"Oh, the highwayman," says the squire.  "How dare you intrude a person
+of that low character when I am engaged with a brother magistrate?  Let
+the highwayman go to the devil too."
+
+"In short," says I, reading the squire's disposition, "you can all go
+to the devil, the sooner the better.  Do you think the meeting of two
+gentlemen can be disturbed by such a petty matter?  I am about to ask
+the honour of the company of my brother justice over a bottle.
+Landlord, have the goodness to bring up some more of your excellent
+Burgundy, and also do us the service of sending these dirty rascals
+about their business.  There are no highwaymen here, and if there were,
+do you suppose that gentlemen are to be put to inconvenience by them?"
+
+Hereupon the squire, finding himself received in such high favour,
+hastened to second my proposal.  The posse was sent packing into the
+wind and rain to continue the pursuit of Mr. William Sadler, although
+they evidently had not the least idea as to which direction he might be
+in; whilst the magistrate proposed to take his ease in his inn, in the
+society of the very rogue his men had gone forth to seek.
+
+The host soon returned with the wine, and we settled ourselves to
+good-fellowship.  To judge by the sly satisfaction that appeared at
+intervals in Mr. Sadler's venerable countenance, he was very well
+pleased with the arrangement; whilst I am sure the squire was vastly
+so.  As for Cynthia and myself, I think we both had some share in this
+satisfaction also.  We figured to ourselves the eventuality of being
+able to repay this numscull fellow in his own coin, by putting upon him
+some of the indignity he had been so prompt to put upon us that
+afternoon.
+
+In a person of a better capacity it might have been a matter of
+surprise that we should have gone unrecognized.  But this squire was
+but a poor apology of a fellow, with probably as many wits as a rabbit,
+and as great a discernment as a mole.  And in my case there may have
+been some little excuse, for after all one man is very much like
+another, and differs not so much in his appearance as in his
+circumstances.  In the parlour of a tavern it is as easy to pass for a
+justice of the peace as it is in the stocks to pass for a rogue.
+Perhaps in Cynthia's case an even better excuse could be found for him.
+Instead of a dejected and bedraggled creature (madam hath twice already
+blotted this sentence out!) trudging at the side of a forlorn
+musicianer that blew the flute, here was a very different person.  Her
+muddy cloak had been discarded to disclose a very tolerable travelling
+attire beneath, which, laced as it was, could pass very well in the
+country for the first fashion.  Besides, in some impalpable feminine
+way, by some cunning trick of the sex, she had added here and there a
+touch to her hair and her person, till she shone forth as fair and trim
+in the glow of the fire and the candles as Herrick's Julia.  She was no
+longer the wandering female (saving her presence!), but the lady of
+quality, holding her court of three.  The brightness of the place was
+communicated to her cheeks and her eyes.  The dainty malice, the grave
+insolence, the superb disdain, the assurance and yet the solicitude of
+fashion wedded to beauty, youth to breeding, was a sufficient masque to
+the draggle-tailed little creature of the afternoon.  If it may be said
+of men that they are the victims of their circumstances, and cut their
+figure in the world according to them, how much more truly may the same
+be said of women, for are they not chameleons that receive their hue
+from their surroundings?
+
+Being completely confident that we ran no risk of discovery from any
+exercise the squire might make of his natural faculties, I had no
+compunction about introducing Mrs. Cynthia and Mr. Sadler, that the
+feast of reason and the flow of soul might be unimpeded.  Thoroughly
+alive to the whimsicality of the passages that were like to ensue from
+such ill-assorted company sitting down together, I mischievously
+determined to give the thing a more extravagant touch if possible, by
+sailing as near to the truth as I could.  Therefore, fully aware of the
+delicious savour of the whole affair, Mrs. Cynthia was presented as my
+wife, the Countess of Tiverton, and our friend Mr. Sadler, the
+highwayman and lord knows what besides, as her ladyship's choleric
+papa, his grace of Salop.
+
+Never, I vow, was a man so overcome with the society in which he found
+himself as this rustical clown of a justice.  Having plainly been used
+to no better all his life than that of his pigs, his sheep, his cows,
+his horses, the village beadle, and the worthies of the village
+ale-house, he had no higher sense of rendering what he conceived was
+due to our superior dignity, than they had in rendering the same to
+his.  His bows, his smirks, his grimaces, his gross flatteries, would
+have excited our pity had he deserved any.  They were so grotesque that
+even Mr. Sadler grinned through his great beard.
+
+The landlord too fell in very sagaciously with the whole thing.
+Whatever opinion he might entertain on his own part of our figure in
+the world, the fact that we had been admitted to the friendship of Mr.
+Sadler was a sufficient guarantee of his not going unrequited.  Armed
+with this assurance he produced some really excellent wine in liberal
+quantities, and furnished us with the fullest meed of his respectful
+service; though it is gravely to be doubted whether he considered we
+had any better right to enjoy our titles than had Mr. Sadler.  But I
+will go bail for the justice, who rejoiced in the name of Hodgkin, that
+no such doubts invaded his mind.  He was simply happy.  His wildest
+dreams were realized.  His loftiest ambitions were fulfilled.  Was he
+not hobnobbing with the great at their own table on terms of perfect
+equality?  He never addressed any of us without bringing in our titles
+somehow, either as the prologue or the epilogue of what he had to say,
+sometimes as both, and in the middle too.  And just as a duke is a
+personage of more consideration than an earl, even if he be a justice
+of the peace, or a countess if she be young and fair, so did our
+squire, after he had felt his way a bit, had drunk a glass or two and
+got used to such unaccustomed company, direct the main of his attention
+to his grace of Salop.  Indeed such advances did he presently make in
+the good esteem of that venerable nobleman that he was fain to direct
+nearly the whole of his discourse to him.  He played him, and ogled
+him, your grace'd him this, and your grace'd him that, until he felt he
+had ingratiated himself into the highest favour.  And having attained
+to this good fortune, he could hardly bring himself to so much as look
+at Cynthia and me.  As in the case of his rustics and the inn-keeper,
+we, as it were, presently discovered him engaged with our betters; and
+he clearly hoped we should understand that to be the case.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+
+It was truly a novel kind of amusement to enjoy the patronage of such a
+clodhopper; but it was one infinitely rich in the comic.  The
+highwayman fell in exactly with the spirit of this comedy.  He seemed
+to take an almost diabolical pleasure in causing this pitiful specimen
+of human nature to reveal the weakness and sterility of his mind.  And
+I fear that this pleasure was communicated to Cynthia and myself.
+Could we have forgotten the persecution endured at the hands of the
+fellow that afternoon, we must have found it in our hearts to pity him
+in his fool's paradise.  But with the sense of our late indignities yet
+abiding within us, we followed the course of the play with the keenness
+and zest of the leading actor in it.  It was our revenge, and a very
+ample and satisfying one we felt it to be, although in the tameness of
+print it may not appear to possess the solid satisfaction of one
+administered with a cudgel or a pair of resolute fists.
+
+When at last the squire proposed to depart, he vowed that never had he
+spent an evening with such profit and enjoyment.  It far exceeded, he
+was good enough to say, the memorable one he had once had the honour to
+pass in the society of Colonel Musket of Barker's Hill.  He swore he
+would cherish the memory of it to his last day; and having humbly
+thanked his grace for his condescension and his affability; and having
+given a curt nod to Cynthia and myself, since the boon companion of a
+duke is surely entitled to dispense his patronage, our justice stumbled
+out into the rainy night, with more good wine in him than he deserved,
+and certainly more than he could decently carry.
+
+"Ships, pegs, coos and 'osses," says the highwayman, breaking out into
+laughter as soon as our guest had lurched into the rain.  "Let a man
+live with them long enough, and they shall reduce his wit and
+understanding to the level of their own.  Was there ever such a pitiful
+cheese of a fellow in the world before?  If it were not such a foul
+night, and I lay less snug in my corner, I would go after him, drub him
+soundly, and fling him into the kennel.  But at least we have had an
+entertainment, and I have thought well to exact a ransom of him for his
+own."
+
+Here to our surprise our strange companion pulled forth a purse which a
+few minutes since had been the squire's.  The justice had been seated
+next the venerable duke, and had paid for the high privilege.  Besides,
+is it not an axiom among the great that they never condescend unless
+they are in need of a service, or can get something by their
+condescension?  His grace's exaction was the latter.  Neither Cynthia
+nor I could find it in our hearts to blame the highwayman for his
+trick.  Nay, I do not know that in one sense we were not secretly glad
+that a tangible and material punishment had been inflicted upon the
+fellow.  When the purse was opened it was found to contain the sum of
+nineteen pounds and a few odd shillings.  The highwayman, after a
+careful mental calculation, doled the money out into three heaps of
+equal value, and having slipped one portion, some six pounds twelve
+shillings, into his fob, pushed the two remaining portions over to us,
+insisting that in this adventure it was share and share alike.
+
+Of course we could not bring ourselves to accept of our friend's
+somewhat embarrassing generosity.  But the sight of such a fortune to
+people in our penurious state, who had already partaken of much more
+than they could pay for, was temptation indeed.  Although we refused
+the gifts with the same courtesy with which they were offered, I fear
+that our eyes shone with a singular lust, and our minds rebelled as we
+did so.  The highwayman himself was astonished by our scruples.
+
+"My dear friends," says he.  "I confess I have never observed such
+reluctancy in persons of your kidney before.  You baffle me.  I cannot
+hold it to be generosity in you, since there can be little doubt that
+William Sadler makes a fatter living than you do with all your talents.
+Why then should you refuse a gift from a brother of your calling?  And
+it cannot be pride either, for if we come down to plain terms it is not
+a gift at all.  By all those unwritten laws that obtain amongst the
+brethren of our profession, you are each honourably entitled to take a
+share with me.  Come, my friends, pocket the affront and let no more be
+said."
+
+The highwayman's high sense of right and wrong in regard to those he
+was pleased to call "the brethren of our profession" was really
+touching.  Nothing in the first place could convince him that we were
+not in that sense his brethren, and that we did not earn our livelihood
+by his uncompromising methods.  We had entered the inn by the aid of
+false protestations; we had ordered a meal that he was sure we had no
+means of paying for; we had connived at the escape of a desperate
+malefactor, and had committed a gross fraud on a justice of the peace;
+therefore he had every good reason to stand firm in his estimate of our
+character.  To my rejoinder that we hoped he would not pursue the
+matter, as we were anything but what we appeared to be, and were
+debarred by circumstances that had recently befallen us from publishing
+our true condition to him or to any one else, he replied with laughter
+of the most immoderate sort.
+
+"Rat me," says he, "this is no new tale.  I wonder how many times in a
+twelvemonth it does duty at Old Bailey!  But I do not like to be
+baffled by anybody, and I must say your behaviour is inexplicable.  It
+is Quixotic, my friends, it is Quixotic.  I cannot possibly let it
+pass.  I must beg you to accept these small monies as a token of my
+gratitude."
+
+He had the devil for his advocate too.  It truly was Quixotic.  It was
+wealth untold to persons in our condition; persons condemned to blow
+the flute from place to place for a livelihood.  We were reminded of
+nights in the rain; of empty bellies; of fainting limbs; of rags,
+misery and mud, and the hundred other ills that attend on a bitter
+poverty.  We had sevenpence in our pockets with which to discharge a
+score that would be reckoned in pounds.  What wonder that we felt our
+resolution falter before the lure that was laid before us?  Together,
+however, we prevailed where one of us singly might have given way.
+
+The highwayman vented his perplexity in various ways.  He put forth a
+dozen theories that would cover our irreconcilable conduct.  But all of
+them were equally wide of the mark.  To all sources but the true one
+did he trace our demeanour.  That we were striving to be as honest as
+our circumstances would permit, never entered his head.  And when at
+last we gave him a cordial good-night prior to retiring to the chamber
+that had been prepared for us, he was fain to acknowledge that he was
+never so completely beaten by anything as by our behaviour.
+
+"Smart you are, the pair of you," says he, "there's no manner of use in
+denying that.  But I'm damned if I can make head or tail of you.  Never
+heard of such a thing in my life as two pads on the road refusing their
+share of the booty.  But I like you none the less.  You are a
+well-favoured well-mannered pair, with rare good heads on your
+shoulders.  I'faith you are endowed with a most excellent presence.
+You are bound to succeed in the line you have adopted; but if you are
+not above taking a piece of advice from one who hath had a pretty long
+apprenticeship on the road, you will dress a trifle better.  Clothes go
+for a great deal.  A lord in rags counts for less than a postilion in
+ruffles and a laced coat.  You will not forget now; it is sure to mean
+such and such a sum per annum to you.  And harkee, here's a proposal.
+I've got such a fancy for you both, that if you like to take up with
+me, we will do the country in company and share the profits; and this I
+may tell you is an offer not to be blinked at, when it is made by
+William Sadler.  Little madam there shall be the decoy, and you and I,
+my lad, shall lift the blunt and generally attend to the practical
+matters.  Come now, I can't speak fairer; what do you say!"
+
+Much to Mr. Sadler's disappointment, and I believe to his astonishment
+too, I politely declined this liberal proposal.  It was almost
+incredible to him that a gentleman of his eminence and success could
+meet with a refusal.  It was like two green apprentices declining to
+enter into partnership with a master of the highest credit!
+
+"I confess you pass me altogether," says he in despair.
+
+The last glimpse we had of this strange, whimsical, and in a sense
+gifted man, was his sitting at the table, with his wig, his spectacles
+and false whiskers removed, waving his good-night in the most cordial
+fashion.  He was as handsome and intelligent a fellow as I ever
+encountered; and I can readily believe what was asserted of him at the
+time of his hanging less than a year from this date, that he was a
+cadet of a noble family.  Certainly in his gaiety, generosity, and
+gallant good humour, he was the very type of man to win the great fame
+of the public that I believe was his.  Strange as it may appear, there
+was not one trace of vulgarity that I could discern in him; and leaving
+his peculiar ideas in regard to _meum_ and _tuum_ out of the question,
+in all other particulars he was a charming gentleman.  And if I am one
+day burnt for the heresy, I shall be ever the first to admit that in my
+short acquaintance of this wicked rogue that so richly came to be
+hanged on the Tree, I discovered better parts, a more chivalrous heart,
+and vastly more liberal talents than in half the persons of high
+consideration and great place, whose intimacy it has been my misfortune
+to submit to for a longer period.
+
+As for Cynthia, the first thing she did in the privacy of our chamber
+was to burst into tears.
+
+"Oh," she sobbed, "to think that a man like that should be such a
+villain.  Oh, I am sure I cannot believe it of him."
+
+"Then why weep for him?" says I.  "But what a pity it is that these
+villains are so delectable.  Even a man like your husband if he gets
+his deserts will come to be hanged.  Can you tell me, my dear, why it
+is that virtue never walks in these radiant colours?  Can it be that
+you strait-laced madams secretly lean to the wicked?"
+
+Poor Cynthia sobbed louder than ever.
+
+"Oh, I cannot, I will not believe it of such a dear fine gentleman!"
+says she.
+
+The next morning found us heavy of heart.  In what manner we could meet
+the landlord's charges we did not know.  Although we were both too
+proud to say so, I am sure we should have been greatly thankful could
+we have had our share of the highwayman's booty to comfort us.  After
+all it was a queer kind of scruple that preferred to rob the innkeeper
+rather than the squire.  For it was plain that he, poor fellow, must go
+unpaid.  Honesty, I take it, is largely a question of terms; and why we
+should hold it to be more venial to rob the one than the other I cannot
+tell.  We breakfasted over the hard problem of what to do.  We had no
+other course, we decided, than to persevere in the original fiction of
+our misfortunes on the road at the hands of a highwayman, and defer the
+settlement of the landlord's account against the time when our affairs
+had assumed a more prosperous shape.
+
+As it happened, our misgivings and searchings of conscience were in
+vain.  The highwayman, who had ridden away in the small hours of the
+morning, had insisted unknown to us in giving at least some token of
+his gratitude.  He had discharged our score and his own in a handsome
+manner, the innkeeper said.  Perchance it was he held that our host
+merited some sort of reward for his behaviour too; and he doubtless
+held in the shrewd opinion he had formed of our condition, that it was
+little enough he was likely to receive at our hands.
+
+In this fortunate manner we were able to go forth into the world again.
+Our hunger and weariness had been amply refreshed and our debts paid.
+We did not pause to consider that these happy contingencies had been
+brought about by the very means that we had so loftily disdained.  It
+was the squire's purse after all that had paid our charges.  Honesty,
+as I have said, is largely a question of terms.
+
+To the downpour of the night had succeeded a sullen morning.  The
+lowering sky promised more misery to follow.  The air was wet with
+mists; the trees dripped incessantly; every blade of grass shone with
+the dankness that clung to it, and the state of the deep-rutted, rude,
+uneven roads was terrible.  But even all these things together, and the
+fact that we had to plough our way, step by step, slowly through seas
+of mud could not entirely depress our spirits.  We felt ourselves in
+the society of one another, to be in spite of everything, invincible in
+our common courage, unconquerable in our common resolution.  The one
+sustained the other in these adventures.
+
+"My prettiness," says I, "it is under embarrassing conditions such as
+these that we should endeavour to sustain ourselves with a few tender,
+amorous passages of love.  I think I will pay you a compliment or two
+upon your beauty, if you will give me but a minute's time in which to
+rack my mind to find them."
+
+"For your pretty speeches to be sincere, sir," says Cynthia, "they
+should be quite spontaneous."
+
+"Here is one," says I.  "The sunshine of your countenance lights up the
+morning's gloom."
+
+"A common enough figure, I confess," says she, "which a hundred poets
+have better exprest."
+
+"Here is another, then," says I, undaunted.  "The solace of your
+companionship sweetens the bitter miles."
+
+"Nay," says she, "I think no better of that trope than the first.  It
+wants a poet to give an originality, a point and grace, to things of
+this sort."
+
+"But every lover is a poet," says I triumphantly.
+
+"I am deluded then," says Cynthia, "for if your love is measured by
+your poetry I am like to die of a broken heart.  But after all, that
+last glib phrase of yours is but a poor sort of speech for a man to
+make to his mistress.  A poet, as all the world knows, is but an
+embellisher of common things."
+
+"A poet is more than that," says I.  "A thousand times more.  A poet
+is----  A poet is----"
+
+"A poet is?" says Cynthia archly.
+
+"The human mind cannot express what a poet is," says I.  "He is all,
+and he is nothing.  He weaves a sovereign spell about material things.
+He can put a new glamour in the stars, although he cannot hold a candle
+to the sun.  He is the airy nothing that can reveal the face of God to
+simple men."
+
+"But what hath all this to do with Love?" says Cynthia.  "And I confess
+I never suspected this phase to your character.  I always held you for
+a common four-square kind of a fellow enough, by no means given to
+these sudden heats and violences, these sudden whimsies and
+nonsensicals."
+
+"No more did I," says I ruefully.  "But it is so like this wretched
+passion to take us in our weakest part, which in me, as you are ever
+the first to remind me, is the head."
+
+"It is not such a wretched passion neither," says Cynthia, "if it is
+but left to itself.  It is these low poets and people that debase it.
+Love is the noblest thing in the world, until your puny twopenny poets
+and the like sing of it, and prate of it, and write an advertisement of
+it, that they may earn enough to spend at the nearest tavern."
+
+"Alas! mistress," says I, "you are too severe on the muse.  There have
+been elegies composed to Love that could dignify even that sacred
+passion."
+
+"All of which the sacred passion could very well have done without,"
+says my didactic miss.  "There is not a painter in the world, be he
+never so cunning, that can put a new colour in the sunset, nor is there
+an author of them all that can add a new rapture to a kiss."
+
+"Body o' me," says I, "you are not a little right there."
+
+If there is any vindication needed of the sex's incontestable
+prerogative to enjoy the last word in any argument, be it of the nature
+of metaphysics, reason or common practice, here is it to be found.  We
+stopped in the middle of the road and concluded our discourse with a
+chaste salute.  And I think there was a strain of poetry in us both as
+we did so.  The weeping heavens smiled upon us; all the wet verdure of
+the spring was a sparkling face that laughed and greeted us.  We went
+along refreshed and more cheerful of heart.
+
+Yet it was a toilsome journey.  The mud clogged our feet, the damp
+pervaded our clothes, and our unaccustomed fatigues of the last few
+days were beginning to tell upon us terribly.  Never in all our lives
+had we given our feet such exercise.  We had not walked much beyond an
+hour this morning before I noticed with something of a sinking heart
+that poor Cynthia was limping.  At first these symptoms were hardly to
+be discerned, and when I taxed her with them, she denied them stoutly.
+But too soon were they revealed beyond a doubt.  It was getting towards
+noon before my proud little miss would in any wise admit this to be the
+case, though.  By then, however, she was so footsore that she could
+scarce drag one foot behind the other.  Chancing to pass near a
+handrail bridge a little later, that spanned a small clear stream
+running over long floating moss and stones, nothing would content me
+but she should go and sit upon it, take off her shoes and stockings,
+and bathe her bruised feet by dangling them over the side.  A little
+cottage nestling close at hand, fenced with box in front and
+apple-trees behind, thither I repaired to beg clean linen rags to wrap
+them in.
+
+The cottage door was opened at my knock by a smiling, buxom housewife,
+who stood out upon a background of crowing babes.  No sooner had I made
+my request than with cheerful energy, says she:
+
+"Oh yes, sir, to be sure I can," and feeling that we were like to find
+a true friend in her, no sooner had I explained the occasion for it
+than she proved a friend indeed.  Having procured these requisites with
+a bustling promptitude, she carried them to Cynthia and found her
+seated on the bridge as I had left her, bathing her toes in the cool
+sweetness of the stream.  With many a "poor lamb!" and many a "deary,
+deary me!" she played the good Samaritan to my unlucky little one.  She
+dried them, comforted them, and bound them up with all the honest grace
+of her great good nature.  Never did I see a woman so brisk and
+motherly, and certainly never one so overflowing with true charity.
+When she had fulfilled her tender offices, and having kissed poor
+Cynthia on both cheeks in a most resounding manner, "because she was
+such a little beauty," she had us both go back with her to the cottage,
+that we might eat a bowl of curds and whey in the arbour cut in the
+laurel bushes, next the well, at the bottom of the garden.
+
+Looking back on the scenes of our itinerary, this bustling, kindly
+housewife makes the fairest picture of them all.  Can the great who
+dwell in palaces conceive the degree of simple happiness it is in the
+power of such a creature to bestow?  Whenever subsequently, in an hour
+of gloom, I may have been led to doubt the essential goodness that lies
+buried in the hearts of our human kind, I insensibly recall the conduct
+of this honest woman on that wet spring morning when we came to her
+door afflicted of mind and body.
+
+By gentle walking we were able to make many more miles that day.  But a
+shadow had come over us.  We had no longer the joyous intrepidity with
+which we had set out less than a week ago.  A foreboding had come upon
+us.  We could not hope to go much farther by our present mode.  My
+little companion, strive as she might to conceal the dire fact, was
+rapidly being overcome.  Her boots were wearing thin, she was already
+suffering much pain, and there was the sum of sevenpence left to us by
+which she could obtain her ease.  We had not the heart to endeavour to
+increase it by blowing further on the flute.  Besides, if the truth of
+that matter must be told, the stocks had given us a particular distaste
+for the gentle instrument.  As the slow, cloud-laden hours passed to
+the occasional accompaniment of rain, with no glint of sunshine to
+relieve their drab monotony, it called for all the courage of which we
+had made a boast that morning to keep us from repining.  The nearer we
+approached the evening the greater was our gloom.  There was the
+eternal problem of food and shelter to be solved.  The previous night
+our audacity had solved it for us.  But in our present state we both
+felt quite incapable of furnishing the necessary spirit and effrontery
+for a repetition of that bold trick.  Alas! our one desire was to be
+wafted by some magic into warmth and plenty that we might sup and fall
+asleep.
+
+We spent our last pence at a hedge inn on our habitual repast of bread
+and cheese and ale.  But the longer we lingered, the cheerless,
+wretched place appeared to heighten our dejection, so that we hailed
+the wet countryside as a relief when we walked out again upon it.  But
+I cannot tell you how we dreaded the coming of night.  The barren
+character of the landscape, and the few people and the fewer
+habitations that we came upon probably increased the depression of our
+spirits.  Indeed, towards evening, the only human being that we
+encountered in several miles was a travelling tinker singing on a
+stile, and I think we could have wished to have been spared this
+meeting.  In our forlorn state we regarded such an irresponsible gaiety
+in the light of a personal affront.  But the dirty rogue had such a
+cheerful, jolly look that I was fain to accost him with my curiosity.
+
+"I beg your pardon, sir," says I, "but why do you uplift your soul in
+merriment on such a dismal afternoon?"
+
+The tinker looked at me suspiciously, and then at his bundle reposing
+at his feet.  He evidently speculated as to what designs I could have
+upon it.
+
+"It is a good world, my lad, that is why I sing," says he, "and you'd
+be singing too, I fancy, if this was your first day out o' jail."
+
+However that might be I am sure we both envied the tinker his frame of
+mind.  Our own was desperate indeed.  There was nothing for it but to
+push on relentlessly, and to hope against hope for some happy chance.
+We were both utterly wearied and dispirited by this; no houses were
+near at hand; and the night was closing in.  We were consoled in a
+slight degree with the thought that we were on a high road and that a
+shelter of one sort or another should not be far to seek.  By what
+means we should be able to avail ourselves of it in our destitute state
+was another question.
+
+In the very height of our distresses we suddenly came upon a wayside
+inn, and a scene of a violent and singular character was being enacted
+on the threshold.  Two persons, a man and a woman of mean appearance,
+had evidently just been ejected from it, since they stood resentfully
+in the middle of the road with divers bundles containing their goods
+and chattels scattered around them.  The landlord stood at the inn
+door, shaking his fist and declaiming his great indignation, whilst his
+wife, standing in a haven of security behind him, was giving rein to
+her own sentiments with neither hesitation nor uncertainty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER
+
+It seemed that the man and woman in the middle of the road were the
+ostler and chambermaid to the inn, who had just been convicted of a
+grave misdemeanour.  The language in which it was designated and
+described by the host and hostess, energetic in form and warm in colour
+as it was, could not, I fear, be reproduced in this chaste narrative.
+It must suffice to say that the guilty persons had been discharged at a
+moment's notice.  They were now resenting this extreme course from
+their station in the middle of the road; and whatever were the colours
+in which their own conduct had been depicted, it is greatly to be
+doubted, whether they could possibly have been more vivid than those
+applied to that of their late master and mistress.
+
+To these people in the midst of their altercation came Cynthia and I.
+Almost at the same instant a similar thought entered the minds of us
+both.  Why should we not apply for these vacated situations?  We had
+had no experience of such duties, it was true.  Our lot indeed would be
+arduous.  But we should at least be provided with a shelter for the
+night; and we could relinquish our unaccustomed tasks the moment we
+might feel ourselves better served by doing so.  A brief whispered
+conference as we stood apart in the road, and we decided to make
+application.  Never for an instant did the idea cross our minds that
+such a highly superior ostler and chambermaid could be anything but
+acceptable to the good people of the inn.  Yet when taking our courage
+in our hands we came up to the door, and I put forward my suggestion
+with a becoming modesty, the landlord seemed by no means so eager to
+close with this tempting offer as I had fully expected he would be.
+
+"Have you a character?" says he sharply.
+
+"Oh yes, I think I have a very good character," says I.
+
+"Humph," says he, "you think you have a very good character, do you?
+Well, my lad, I should like to see it."
+
+"Well," says I, "a character is not very easy to see, unless there is
+something to show it by."
+
+"I am quite aware of that," says the landlord sharply.  "However, we
+will leave this precious pair and go inside, light a candle and look at
+it."
+
+With that, man and wife led the way within, and we followed meekly,
+leaving the discharged couple in the road to pursue their own devices.
+In what way a candle would enable them to discern our characters we
+could not tell, although we were half inclined to think that the common
+phrase "to hold a candle to" might have in fact a more literal
+significance than any we had dreamt of.  The inn kitchen presented a
+rosy fire and a cosy appearance.  The sight of it seemed to increase
+the sense of our unhappy plight, and I think we both anxiously awaited
+the landlord's judgment, for it was impossible to contemplate being
+turned out into the night again with equanimity.
+
+"Now then, my lad," says the landlord, "I will thank you to let me see
+your character."
+
+"I do not know how I can show you my character, sir," I ventured to
+say, "until I have been some little time in your service."
+
+"Come, that won't do, my lad," says the landlord, "I must either see
+your character or out you go."
+
+Filled with misgiving, I was about to ask the landlord for an
+explanation of this odd demand, when it suddenly occurred to me that he
+wished to have it in writing, like any other master who was about to
+engage a servant.  I had to confess that I had not a character.
+
+"Ha," says the landlord keenly.  "Then why did you leave your last
+place?"
+
+I had to confess that I had never had a last place.
+
+"You don't mean to tell me," says the landlord, "that you have had the
+impidence to apply to me when you have never had no experience of the
+dooties?"
+
+I had to explain that such was the case, but earnestly stated that
+whatever I might lack in knowledge I would certainly make up in zeal.
+For all that it was like to have gone hard with our engagement had it
+not been for the intervention of the landlord's wife.  It may have been
+that vanity which is inseparable from the male character, but it did
+seem to me that from the first the good woman had been disposed to
+regard me with favour.
+
+"Well, Joseph," says she at this critical moment, "he is a very proper
+looking young man, I am sure, and as honest looking as the day.  I am
+sure he will do his best if he says he will.  Besides, they are man and
+wife, which is a very main thing."
+
+This reference to the pair of us had the effect of diverting the worthy
+landlord's attention to Cynthia.  No sooner did he observe her than his
+objections became sensibly less formidable than they had been.  And I
+am afraid it was my little madam's _beaux yeux_ and not our
+qualifications and accomplishments that got us the situation.  Yet even
+when we had been duly engaged at four pounds a year and our keep, there
+was like to have been a hitch.  The landlady's closer inspection of us
+revealed the fact that although I might, as she had been good enough to
+say be "a very proper-looking young man," Cynthia in her opinion was
+vastly too fine-looking a young woman.  She even went the length of
+describing her as "a blue-eyed slut."  Whatever the force of her
+objections, however, as she herself was entirely responsible for the
+engagement of the ostler, she could hardly have gainsaid, much as she
+could have wished to have done so, her husband's right to engage the
+chambermaid.
+
+It was in this singular but fortunate fashion then that we found
+ourselves once more provided for.  The inn being on a coaching road was
+not such a mean one as we had at first supposed.  The host and hostess
+of it did not seem to be such bad people either, and as they did not
+except to have company in the place until later in the evening, and
+observing that our travels had left us in a sorry condition, they
+allowed us to make a rough meal, and afterwards to sit by the fire a
+bit.
+
+It went to my heart that my poor little companion should be brought to
+this pass, but she acquiesced in it so cheerfully, and with such a
+merry sense of the occasion as did a great deal to diminish my concern.
+She was indeed a courageous little creature; and there was something
+about her new duties that seemed to amuse her, for she went about them
+with a humorous zest as though she was laughing at herself while she
+did so.  All the same we were genuinely glad when at last the hour came
+for our retirement.  We were thoroughly wearied and footsore too.
+
+We rose in much better heart betimes on the following morning, and set
+about our unaccustomed tasks with a vigour that compensated for our
+inexperience.  After all, they were of an elementary character, not at
+all difficult to learn.  To be sure it was more than a little strange
+at first to find ourselves engaged in such lowly capacities, but when
+after an hour or two the singularity had worn off, they became by no
+means irksome.  Indeed, the novelty of the thing might be said to pass
+the time pleasantly.  But as it happened, we were to be startled out of
+these pursuits in the rudest manner.
+
+It chanced that about noon I had led the horse of a gentleman, who had
+passed the previous night at the inn, out of the stable round to the
+front door.  And while I was holding its head against its master's
+departure there arose a clatter of wheels on the road.  In a minute, or
+less, a chaise drew up at the door.  No glance was needed at its
+occupants to tell me to whom it belonged.  The peculiar shape and
+colour were quite sufficient to advertise me of that matter.  It was
+the Duke in person, accompanied by the indefatigable Mr. Waring.  His
+Grace lost no time in relinquishing the reins, and together they
+stepped from the vehicle to ease their legs somewhat, and entered the
+inn in quest of any little refreshment it might afford them.  Happily
+neither paid much heed to me.  Indeed beyond an order to give an eye to
+the horses and to fetch them a drink of water, I claimed no share of
+their attention.
+
+No sooner had they entered the inn, however, than in the midst of some
+self-congratulation on my present impunity from discovery, I was beset
+with a sudden fear of Cynthia.  What more likely than that they should
+directly encounter her, unless she could be apprised of their
+proximity?  She must be warned at all costs.  Fortunately at that
+moment the owner of the horse, whose head I was holding, appeared and
+relieved me of its charge.  Thereupon I hastily entered to advise
+Cynthia of her danger.  Yet I did so only to find that the worst had
+happened already.
+
+From the parlour the Duke's voice issued in a tremendous key.  There
+could be no doubt that it was as I feared.  I lost no time in hastening
+to my poor little one's assistance, if only to divert a portion of her
+father's wrath.  The scene that confronted me when I entered the inn
+parlour would not by any means have been devoid of a certain
+whimsicality had it not had so sinister a bearing on our fortunes.  The
+innkeeper and his wife stood aghast.  Mr. Waring was languidly helping
+himself to a pinch of snuff with an air of the frankest amusement.
+Cynthia was in a dreadful taking, and weeping bitterly.  The Duke, her
+father, was hopping about like a pea on a hot plate, and threatening to
+go off any minute into an apoplexy.  At my appearance he very nearly
+did so.
+
+"You villain," he squeaked, shaking his fist in my face, and dancing
+round me, "you impudent, unblushing villain!  Have I routed you out at
+last?  Have I run you to earth, you damned young scoundrel?  By God,
+you shall pay a price; yes, you shall, so help me.  Your purse may be
+bankrupt, but you shall pay this account with the last drop of blood
+that is left in your black heart.  Pass your box, Humphrey."
+
+Mr. Waring passed his box with a grim chuckling countenance; and his
+Grace paused in the midst of his violent denunciation to make use of
+it.  It appeared to lend him succour, whereon he continued with renewed
+vigour.  I would not like to set down here the number of hard names he
+put his tongue to, every one of which was levelled at my devoted head.
+To be sure I had used him pretty badly, but I fear that I was not in
+the least repentant.  I listened to his passionate abuse which he
+delivered in a curious senile staccato, with an amusement possibly as
+great as Mr. Waring's own, and certainly more cynical.  I don't think
+at the moment I cared much about the pass I was come to.  I was utterly
+desperate.
+
+Poor little Cynthia, bitterly frightened as she was, and despite the
+tears that streamed from her eyes, was still very brave.  She could not
+bear to hear my name degraded in this manner.  In the face of her
+father's wrath she came to my side and took my hand, and I loved her
+the better for the deed.
+
+"Landlord," says his Grace, "don't stand gaping there like a pig on a
+spit.  Just have the goodness to bestir yourself, and fetch the
+constables.  This young scoundrel shall not go out of my sight, except
+in custody.  The law hath wanted him long, and as I'm a person, it
+shall have him, too."
+
+It was somewhere about this point in the scene, I think, that a bold
+expedient came unexpectedly into my head.  It had a full measure of
+audacity befitting the occasion.  If only we could make a dash out into
+the road and gain possession of the chaise one short instant before our
+enemies, all was not lost even now.  It was truly a remote chance, yet
+it was the only one that offered.  Therefore no sooner had it entered
+my mind than I set my will to work to put it in practice.  With this
+end in view I gave a furtive eye to the position of the parlour door.
+I found myself even now the nearest person to it.  I must contrive to
+get still nearer and acquaint Cynthia of the nature of my desperate
+design without arousing the suspicions of our furious papa or the
+languid Mr. Waring.
+
+As the landlord stood hesitating as to which course he should adopt,
+the Duke directed some attention to him, and gave him freely of his
+orders.  It was while our papa was thus engaged that I bent down to
+Cynthia and whispered my audacious plan into her ear.  From that moment
+we turned all our energies towards getting closer to the door without
+being suspected of doing so.  Every step we could encroach might
+presently be of the greatest possible service.  Unfortunately the fact
+that the parlour-door was closed was a great barrier.  We should not
+have time to open it and get away.
+
+The Duke having at last prevailed on the landlord to go for the
+constables, it was with inexpressible anxiety that we watched him go
+out of the room.  If he would but leave that door unlatched we had just
+a chance of getting to the chaise in time.  With a thrill of
+satisfaction we saw him go out, leaving the door wide open behind him.
+The Duke and Mr. Waring were apart at the other end of the room, quite
+oblivious of any scheme we might be evolving.  They had forgotten
+apparently that a chaise and a pair of horses stood outside the door.
+Carefully noting the actions of our enemies and the degree of attention
+they thought fit to pay us, we sidled nearer and nearer, an inch at a
+time, to the parlour-door.  And at last, having concluded that the
+landlord had got well clear of the premises, and was therefore not
+likely to present any obstacle, I decided that now or never was the
+moment.  I whispered my last brief instructions to my little companion;
+and then taking our careless captors entirely unawares, she darted out
+through the door, and I as swiftly followed her.
+
+The scheme had been thoroughly matured in my mind.  To allow Cynthia
+time to run on and gain access to the chaise, a proper control of the
+reins, and to set the horses in motion, I did not follow her at once,
+but preferred to bang the parlour-door in the face of our pursuers, and
+clung with both hands to the handle that they might be impeded as much
+as possible.  Once aroused to their danger, they lost not a second of
+time in besieging the door, but with my back firmly planted against the
+opposite wall I was quite a match for them in the matter of hauling.  I
+was able to detain them the wrong side therefore, until a cry from
+Cynthia informed me that she had fulfilled her part of the business.
+Thereon I suddenly released the handle, and our enemies found
+themselves so unexpectedly in possession, that they fell back one upon
+another, whilst I ran forth to the chaise.
+
+It was already starting briskly down the road.  I was able to overtake
+it and get in by the time the Duke and his friend showed at the door;
+and though they ran after us for a few yards they soon came to the
+conclusion, with the horses fleeing faster and faster, that immediate
+pursuit was hopeless, and relinquished the chase accordingly.  We had
+not gone very far, however, when we overtook the landlord on his way to
+fetch the constables.  That puzzled fellow made no effort to detain us,
+and in that I think he was well advised.
+
+It was some little time before we could get the excitement engendered
+by these events out of our minds, and realize that we were still in
+possession of our freedom, that most cherished thing, for which we were
+doing and suffering so much.  We had a chaise and a pair of horses too.
+But I do not think that any two persons could have looked so little in
+their places in such a handsome vehicle.  The appearance we presented
+must have been highly ridiculous.  Neither of us had cloaks or
+coverings for our heads, whilst I, in the pursuit of my late
+occupation, had divested myself of my coat in addition.  We were thus
+in absurd contrast to our fine manner of procedure.  Having put an
+honest mile between us and the inn, we began to examine the contents of
+the chaise with an eager curiosity, not unmingled with anxiety.  The
+first articles to rejoice our hearts were several thick rugs, which we
+lost no time in putting to use.  There was a case of pistols, too; and
+over and above these things we discovered to our supreme satisfaction a
+couple of travelling valises, the property of Mr. Waring and his Grace.
+
+Our straits were much too dire for our minds to be greatly oppressed
+with the morality of things.  To us it seemed as though these
+travelling valises had come from heaven.  Robinson Crusoe on his island
+could not have had a devouter thankfulness when he recovered the
+articles from the wreck than we had in the contemplation of our
+treasure.  We experienced an exquisite curiosity as we speculated on
+what they might contain.  However, we deferred the opening of them,
+partly because the time and place would for the present be ill-chosen
+(we must put many more miles between us and the enemy before we could
+venture to draw rein) and again, because we desired, like a pair of
+children, to draw out to the outmost the pains of our delicious
+expectation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES
+
+In this rapt condition of mind, and in this remarkable fashion did we
+proceed along the road.  Through villages and hamlets, past churches
+and inns, up hill and down we took our gallant way.  The sense of rapid
+motion made without the least inconvenience to our own jaded limbs,
+coming after hours of arduous travelling by their painful exercise, was
+incomparable, unless it be likened to what the soul must feel when
+wafted to Elysium on a cloud, after suffering the slow agonies of
+death.  The exhilaration of our progress was wonderful indeed.
+Steaming along the highways in an elegant equipage, the late oppression
+fell off our spirits and gaiety came out in us once again.  We did not
+know whither we were going, to be sure; it was sufficient that we were
+fortified with ways and means once more, and that we had so audaciously
+contrived to leave our pursuers in the lurch.
+
+"I wonder what are the contents of these boxes," says I, indulging a
+delightful speculation as we sped along.
+
+"I suppose we ought not to touch them, whatever they are," says Cynthia
+nervously.
+
+"In that case," says I, "we must not open them."
+
+"Oh, I think we might safely do that," says Cynthia in a voice of the
+deepest disappointment.  "Although they are not ours, that is no
+reason, as far as I can see, why we should not have just one peep at
+what they are.  That will be doing harm to no one, will it?"
+
+"I fear it will be otherwise," says I mischievously.  "For if we get so
+far as the opening of the boxes I am sure we shall not be content with
+a mere inspection of the contents."
+
+"Oh, Jack," says the indignant Cynthia, "how can you talk so.  I am
+sure you cannot mean to infer that we should be guilty of anything--of
+anything we ought not to be guilty of."
+
+"Of appropriating articles that belong to others, for example."
+
+"Yes," says she, "that is what I meant."
+
+"Well," says I, "is there not the melancholy case of our refusing the
+highwayman's booty in one form and accepting it in another?"
+
+"That I am sure we did not," says Mistress Virtue.  "We did not ask him
+to pay our bill."
+
+"To be sure we did not," says I, "but he paid it, none the less.  Now,
+had we acted in that matter according to your fine ideas, we should, in
+the first place, have delivered that highwayman up to the King's
+justice; then the rape of the squire's guineas would never have been
+committed, and the landlord's bill would not have been paid at all.
+That is why one is ever so perplexed by these high principles of
+conduct.  Why draw the line in one place and not in another?  Do we not
+make these arbitrary distinctions and often deny ourselves all manner
+of things thereby, when we can least afford to do without them, and yet
+there is not a day that passes but what we commit offences against our
+codes of honour with a cheerful heart.  So much depends upon the title
+by which an act is dignified.  Persons in our degree of life refer to
+certain sources of their emolument as privilege and monopoly, whereas
+if they were enjoyed by those in a humbler sphere, who would hesitate
+to denounce them as robbery and fraud?  Now these boxes being in our
+possession, and as we are quite destitute of means, is not there a
+hundred ways by which we can prevail upon our consciences to permit us
+to enjoy their contents?"
+
+Cynthia stoutly denied this specious reasoning at the time.  But after
+awhile, when the horses began to flag, and hunger, our ancient dogged
+enemy, began once more to assert himself, she was inclined to look at
+the matter in a rather more lenient light.
+
+"We must incontinently perish of starvation by the way," says I,
+"unless these chests of Mr. Waring and his Grace, your papa, can help
+us.  Now which course shall we adopt?  And we to take the articles
+therein as a loan, fully intending to recompense their owners at a more
+fortunate season? or shall we simply take them without any reservation
+whatever, as lawful prizes won from the enemy in open fight?"
+
+"I think I like the idea of the 'borrowing' best," says the scrupulous
+Cynthia.
+
+"Very well, then, we will effect a loan," says I.
+
+We could hardly venture to pull up at the door of any reputable inn in
+our present state.  We were the beggars no longer, but a lady and
+gentleman of quality.  Persons who drive about the country a pair of
+fine horses and a chariot of the first fashion are compelled to support
+their responsibilities.  That is ever the eternal drawback.  I, clad in
+the meanest of garments, divested of my coat and hat, would have been
+entirely at ease in my former mean character, and should have passed
+unnoticed in it.  But once I drove to the inn door in the Duke's
+chaise, attired in that fashion, I should be the talk of the place.
+Therefore I brought the horses to a halt, in a secluded part of the
+road, and proceeded to investigate the nature of the articles in the
+chests, in order to see if they could afford an embellishment to our
+present unfortunate garb.  We hoped to discover some money, too, for we
+had not so much as a penny between us.
+
+However, no sooner did we try to open these valises, than we received a
+serious set back.  They were both securely locked.  Search as we might
+among the cushions of the chaise, we could find, as we anticipated,
+never a trace of the keys.  We were greatly dashed, but still it was an
+opportunity for the display of our resources.  I got out of the
+vehicle, and after much poking about in a ditch at the side of the
+road, discovered a heavy stone.  Armed with this, I attempted to knock
+off the fastenings from Mr. Waring's box.  It was a tedious, weary
+business, for they were stout indeed, but at last patience, if not
+virtue, met with its reward.  The lid flew open and disclosed the
+precious contents.
+
+Conscious of our ragged, penniless condition, we enjoyed every thrill
+that such treasure trove could afford us.  To prolong our pleasure we
+refrained from all reckless rummaging, but drew forth and duly examined
+each article in the order in which it was packed.  First came a suit of
+clothes, and then silk stockings, shoes, another suit of clothes,
+handkerchiefs, a razor, brushes, a cocked hat, and all the details that
+go to make up the masculine attire.
+
+But although we delved to the bottom of the box and searched every inch
+of it, we could not discover so much as a copper piece in money.  This
+was a severe disappointment, and we addressed ourselves fearfully to
+the opening of the Duke's box, for should that prove barren of it too,
+our pass would be indeed a sore one.
+
+It was no easier matter to force this box than it had been the other,
+but at last our task was accomplished and the thing stood open before
+us.  The articles within it bore a striking resemblance to those in the
+other, only that they were not so elegant and costly.  They began with
+a shirt and a white cotton night-cap, and below we came upon a wig and
+a dressing-gown, but although our hearts might beat never so wildly it
+was in vain that we looked for money.  Indeed, the only things that we
+might regard as a substitute for it were a few trifling articles of
+jewellery, such as a solitaire and a gold pin or two for the Duke's
+neckcloth, a pearl button, and a pair of shoes with silver buckles.
+
+"Oh," says I, bitterly, "never again will I be at the trouble of
+picking his Grace's baggage if this be the manner of his travelling.
+One would have thought that a duke of all people would have gone
+equipped handsomely.  I expected to find guineas galore; or, allowing
+his Grace to be a thrifty soul, and that he preferred to carry them in
+his boots or next his heart, I had certainly looked for a profusion of
+gold diamond ornaments.  Why, curse it all, never one of his toilet
+requisites hath so much as a pearl or silver handle.  Why, even his
+night-cap, which should be studded with precious stones, like the fez
+of the Shah of Persia, is but a common affair of white cotton.  A Duke
+is not alive to the responsibilities of his position who goes about
+with these mean accompaniments."
+
+"Poor papa," says Cynthia, sadly, "I confess that I ought to have known
+that we must go wanting should we rely on him.  It was ever his chief
+foible to make a halfpenny go as far as two farthings possibly could.
+Even the solitaire surprises me.  I am sure he must be proposing to
+break his journey at the house of the rich widow at Bath, to whom he
+hath been paying his addresses this twelvemonth, else he would never
+have encumbered himself with such an extravagant finery."
+
+We were, indeed, bitterly disappointed.  Here we were, two persons of
+quality, with our own horses and chariot, with two boxes of luggage and
+a case of pistols, and not a grey groat piece to the two of us.  This
+fact seemed to acquire a new irony from our otherwise liberal
+circumstances.  Whatever could we do?  Cynthia suggested that we should
+sell one of the horses, as two were not essential.  However, I was firm
+in the opinion that so long as we retained the chaise we must have two
+horses to draw it, for the Duke was certain to lose not an instant in
+pursuing us in the hottest manner.  I then proposed that we should part
+with the vehicle itself and both the horses, and resume our wandering
+nomad life once more.
+
+Cynthia shuddered at this.  She had plainly no zest now for our former
+mode, nor could it be wondered at, poor child, when her trials and
+exertions came to be considered.  Had there only been me in the case I
+should not have hesitated to try to find a purchaser for our equipage,
+difficult as the matter might have proved.  For I was convinced that we
+were really in a more unsafe situation now than ever before.  It would
+be impossible to avoid publicity; and at every inn we came to we should
+be the objects of conjecture, and everything pertaining to us would be
+discussed and commented on.  Besides, we could no longer sleep where we
+listed.  The horses would require rest and succour whatever the
+deprivations of their masters.
+
+After addressing and re-addressing ourselves to the great problem of
+how to obtain the service of innkeepers without paying for the same, we
+came to the conclusion that we could best hope to do so by adopting a
+former expedient, which was attended with not unhappy results.  In lieu
+of hard cash we must present them with a grievous tale of being stopped
+by a highwayman, who had taken our last penny.  To do this with the
+best effect, however, we must neglect no opportunity of maintaining in
+our own persons the status of our chaise and horses.  My own attire did
+well enough for an ostler, but as our friend Mr. Sadler had pointed
+out, it was likely to detract from the story we had to tell.
+Therefore, I decided to exchange my raiment for the more appropriate
+clothes of Mr. Waring.  I did not apprehend any difficulty in regard to
+the fit, as we were greatly alike in stature.
+
+With this end in view I selected the necessary articles of apparel from
+the box, and left Cynthia to take care of our vehicle, whilst I retired
+into the shelter of a neighbouring hedge and made a complete
+transformation of my outward semblance.  Mrs. Cynthia was hugely
+delighted at the result.  She had never quite been able to acquiesce in
+my late style, and her feelings on the subject were pretty clearly
+indicated by her immense satisfaction now.
+
+"Shoes, and silk stockings too," says she with a childlike pleasure.
+"And what a dear laced coat, and what nice white ruffles!  I am certain
+you make a far more perfect gentleman than you do an ostler, though to
+be sure you are greatly lacking a shave."
+
+"It is ever so," says I.  "The moment one goes up in the world one's
+responsibilities multiply.  When I was an ostler my unrazored chin
+passed without comment; but the moment I improve my condition I must
+shave every morning, or else be more miserable than ever I was in my
+former station."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia was too preoccupied with my appearance to chide me for
+long-winded truisms of this sort.  I must not omit to state that during
+my absence she had supplied the deficiencies in her own attire by
+taking a smart three-cornered hat of Mr. Waring's which, though greatly
+too large for her, she had contrived artfully to adjust on the back of
+her head, and thereby gained a sweetly rakish appearance from it; and
+further supplied her lack of a cloak in a no less skilful fashion by
+draping one of the rugs about her in a way that simulated such an
+article.
+
+We came to an inn with our pitiful tale.  We had it all most
+wonderfully pat, having rehearsed it carefully, until we were able to
+pour it forth with an infinity of detail.  If the distressed condition
+of the horses, and our own evident sincerity were not enough, there
+were the boxes all tumbled and ransacked to add weight to the evidence.
+Our imposition being so well received, and the attitude of the landlord
+seeming so friendly, we determined to run the risk of being overtaken,
+and break our journey here for an hour while we made a meal, and the
+horses were fed and rested.  Whether it was that the landlord was a man
+of a most tender heart, or that our address was so truly excellent, I
+cannot say, but certainly the honest fellow did not hesitate to take us
+at our own valuation.  If there was any small particular in which he
+could serve the earl and countess he should be more than happy.  The
+small particular in which he was able to do so was by remitting the
+amount of our charges against a future occasion, and by lending us a
+guinea or two on no better security than the possession of our pleasant
+manners and a chaise and a pair of horses.
+
+We went our way in much better heart.  We were fortified indeed by such
+a generous confidence.  And so susceptible is the mind to the opinion
+of others, that on the strength of the landlord's disposition, we began
+to hold up our heads again in the world, and to take a rose-coloured
+view of our affairs.  All was not lost yet by a good deal.  With our
+admirable equipage we had resources of a sort; and we were still in the
+complete possession of our freedom.  It remained for us to utilize it
+to the full.
+
+It was while we were engaged with this train of speculation that a
+concrete and definite idea came into my head.  Why not make for the
+port of Bristol and flee the country?  Why not indeed?
+
+"A brave plan, truly," Cynthia says, "but we cannot do it without
+money."
+
+"We will sell our horses and chariot to some honest vintner of Bristol
+city," says I, "and the proceeds should easily suffice to take us to
+the Americas."
+
+Although Mrs. Cynthia shook her head and deprecated it as a wild-goose
+scheme, she was compelled to admit that it was the best that offered.
+Her protests were not unmingled with regret, for she could not be got
+to consider it so light a thing to renounce her country.  For my part I
+must confess that I was troubled with no such scruples.  Like all
+persons who serve it scurvily, and who are least of an ornament to it,
+I held myself to be as ill-used by it as ever it had been by me.  I
+felt that I could renounce it for ever without a pang.
+
+After some little meditation I became immeasurably taken with this
+scheme.  There was no reason why with one bold stroke we should not
+renounce our liabilities and put away our dangers.  Every hour we spent
+in England now was at our peril.  But let us reach the port of Bristol
+and turn our chaise and horses into ready money sufficient to defray
+the expenses of the voyage, and once again should we be able to breathe
+the air of freedom.  Seeing me more than ever possessed with the
+notion, Mrs. Cynthia, like a dutiful wife, began presently to yield to
+it.  She owned at least that a life over seas could not be much more
+precarious than the one we were at present enjoying, and it might
+conceivably be less so.
+
+"But I could wish," says she, "that we had more to found our fortunes
+on.  How can we support ourselves when we get to--to
+what-d'ye-call-'em?"
+
+"You will spin, my dear," says I, "and I shall delve, in some lone wood
+cabin on the prairie."
+
+"But we shall perish of the dulness in a twelve-month."
+
+"Oh no, my dear," says I, "there will be wild beasts and Red Indians to
+provide us with more than enough of relaxation."
+
+By slow degrees I brought her so entirely to my way of thinking, that
+she became as keen to make the port of Bristol as ever I could be.
+Indeed, so much were we put in mind of this that we began to make
+inquiries of our whereabouts, that we might set our faces thither at
+the earliest moment.  We lay that night at an honest, comfortable inn,
+and learned to our surprise that our wanderings had brought us to
+within a day's journey of Exeter.  We had certainly not supposed that
+we had come so far from town, nor that we had penetrated so far into
+the country of the enemy.  For, as Cynthia excitedly exclaimed, in the
+near neighbourhood of Exeter was her father's seat.  This unexpected
+circumstance wrought upon her in a singular way.
+
+"I would dearly love to look on the old place for the last time," she
+said.
+
+Although her father's house had in itself so slight a hold on her
+affection that she had renounced its advantages for ever, despite all
+the desperate consequences of such an act, its proximity had still the
+power to kindle a sentiment in her heart.  Besides, as a little later
+she pointed out, there was a certain expedience in going thither.
+There were some small pieces of her personal property that she had left
+behind in the sudden recklessness of her flight, which could be easily
+retrieved and would add materially to our resources.  This to my mind
+was something like an argument.  I had no longer that fine disregard
+for ways and means with which I had set out on our pilgrimage.  Money
+was a base consideration enough, but it seemed a mighty difficult
+matter to do without it.  Cynthia's few jewels and trinkets were likely
+to serve us too well, even in the Americas, for us to afford to
+disregard them.
+
+Here then was an end to all my objects.  We would diverge a little out
+of the straight road to Bristol, and pay a visit to Cynthia's home in
+the absence of her papa.  We counted for our safety on the fact that we
+must be some hours ahead of that irate old gentleman.  All the same, we
+were taking a considerable risk.  Much depended on how soon our papa
+had been able to replace the chaise and horses we had stolen from him.
+But I do not think we hesitated an instant on this account, having once
+committed ourselves to this daring course.  Besides, there was a
+certain savour of humour in paying a call on his Grace in these
+circumstances, which did a great deal to reconcile us to the
+inconvenience.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY
+
+The whimsical plan fixed in our minds, we began at once to conceive a
+keener rest for our affairs.  Notwithstanding the urgency of our
+travelling, we had not exchanged the Duke's horses at any of the
+posting-houses we had passed.  Poverty had taught us a fine economic
+prudence.  Whatever we might gain in speed we should lose in momentary
+value, for his Grace's animals were an admirable pair, on which the
+best part of our fortune depended at Bristol.  The continuous strain
+was already telling on them, however, and they flagged a good deal
+during the day.
+
+The evening had already come when we approached our destination.  Among
+the country lanes in the twilight it called for all Cynthia's intimate
+knowledge of the neighbourhood to enable us to pursue the direct path
+to her father's house.  The moon was showing over the trees, and we
+were within a mile of the place, according to madam's account, when we
+were startled by a disconcerting incident.  A sudden clatter of horses'
+hoofs arose in the lane.  From whence they came we could not tell; but
+before we had time to think much about them, a horseman was riding
+beside us, with a particularly sinister-looking pistol presented at our
+faces.
+
+My poor little madam nestled to me in a great deal of terror; but for
+my own part I must confess that I was more annoyed than daunted by such
+an unwarrantable intrusion.
+
+"My dear fellow," I protested, "you are but wasting your time; and you
+are wasting ours too, which just now I am inclined to think is the more
+valuable.  We have not a guinea in the world.  Had we one we should be
+only too happy to present it to you."
+
+The highwayman laughed in a familiar voice.
+
+"Why," says he, putting a pair of mischievous eyes into the chaise, "is
+it not my friend, Lord What's-his-name?"
+
+"My love," says I to the trembling Cynthia, "here is your papa."
+
+"Of course," says the highwayman, "you mean the Duke of Thing-em-bob."
+
+"To be sure I do," says I.  "We are very well met, I think."
+
+By this our chaise had stopped, and Mr. Sadler had pulled his horse up
+too.  I was not at all displeased by this interruption, for in any
+circumstances the sight of this merry, cheerful fellow was welcome.  He
+was one of those rare persons whose voice alone had the power to charm.
+He was a genial rogue indeed; an engaging spirit whom to meet was to
+ask to dinner.  We were already the better for his society.
+
+Therefore, as we had but a mile to go to the Duke's house--Hurley Place
+was the name of it--I proposed that we should carry him along with us,
+and enjoy his company at dinner.  Mr. Sadler was nothing loth.
+
+Wherefore it fell out that the Lady Cynthia returned to her ancestral
+home in the company of a notorious highwayman, and a bankrupt, a
+discredited peer.  What a suppressed excitement there was to be sure
+when we drove up to the door, and it became known among the servants
+that the Lady Cynthia had returned of her own free will!  More than one
+aged servitor, who had grown old in the service of the Duke, was so
+affected by the erring child's return that he shed a silent tear.
+Inquiry elicited the fact that there was no reason to expect our papa
+at present: and that not a word had been heard of his Grace since he
+had left the house in pursuit of his naughty daughter.
+
+Nothing could have been more delightful than the sensations we
+experienced on our brief re-entry into civilization.  What luxuries in
+the matter of washing, shaving, and polishing generally were we able to
+enjoy after the discomforts of our itinerary!
+
+Cynthia had her own maid to dress her; Mr. Sadler was provided with a
+valet of the Duke's, and another man was found for me.  Orders were
+given to the butler that the best dinner for three persons the cook
+could devise was to be served in an hour, and in the meantime we
+arrayed ourselves in our choicest garments to do justice to it.  It was
+the last evening of luxury we were likely to spend; and we were
+determined that we would neglect no opportunity of making the most of
+it.
+
+The contents of Mr. Waring's valise were a material assistance to my
+wardrobe, and for that matter to Mr. Sadler's too.  His silk stockings
+and breeches, brocaded vests, and laced coats, served us admirably.  We
+took advantage of them, chiefly, I think, for the laudable reason that
+we might do the more honour to Cynthia and the dinner.  And I at least
+am free to confess that the sensation of having once again clean smart
+clothes upon my person gave a wonderful impetus to my self-esteem.  I
+felt that I could look the world in the face once more, and that I was
+again my own man.  I never was a scoffer at the virtues of fine
+clothes, and distrust him that is.  So long as one is sure of one's
+tailor, one's soul may take care of itself.  The grace of a good coat
+is communicated to the wearer.
+
+Although Mr. Sadler and I were attired as near the first fashion as our
+borrowed plumes would permit, we were as nothing to Mrs. Cynthia.  When
+she joined us in the room where the dinner was laid, my friend, the
+highwayman, _blasé_ as he was, could not repress his admiration.  She
+did indeed appear to perfection not only in the cunning of her gown,
+but in the sparkling animation of her face, her lively colour, and the
+mocking intrepidity lurking in her eyes.
+
+Her mood was a match for the occasion.  She clearly recognized the
+extravagant whimsicality of sitting down to dinner in such company, at
+such a season, and in such a place.  It was a piece of mad folly, of
+cynical bravado; and she took her seat at the table with an air of
+reckless mischief that was wholly adorable.  She played the game.
+To-morrow we must leave our native land for ever, but that night we
+contrived to forget everything--our perilous situation, our destitution
+and our desperate case, in quips and jests, good wine and boisterous
+laughter.
+
+Mr. Sadler afterwards, very deservedly I do not doubt, came to be
+hanged.  But it was sound judgment in me to invite him to our last
+dinner.  What a fine merry rogue he was, to be sure!  What an instinct
+he betrayed for goodfellowship!  He came to be hanged, it is true, but
+that night his laugh rang the loudest and frankest, his jests had the
+keenest edge, and it was from his eyes that the most whole-hearted
+humour beaconed.  He was as merry a rascal as any with whom I ever had
+the honour to drain a glass.  But he was a man of true breeding too, so
+that he neither embarrassed Mrs. Cynthia as a highwayman less of a
+gentleman doubtless would have done in such singular circumstances; nor
+did he once arouse anger or jealousy in me.
+
+"To your eyes, your ladyship, and to your lordship's nose," so far from
+provoking offence, became a source of mirth from the frank jovial tones
+with which it was uttered, and the inimitable gestures by which it was
+accompanied.  For his own part, Mr. Sadler admitted that this meeting
+was highly piquant to him, since on a former occasion he had solemnly
+written us down in his own mind as a pair of cheats and impostors.  It
+struck him as an entirely remarkable circumstance that after all we
+should prove to be the very persons we had purported to be; and as one
+no less so, that he should ever have presumed us to be otherwise.  But
+as I pointed out to him, after all, his error was not so surprising.
+The judgment of the world is at the mercy of the obvious.  It prefers
+to appraise a picture by its frame.  Were it otherwise, our very
+titles, and material distinctions of that kind, would cease to have a
+meaning.
+
+Oblivious of everything, we continued to eat and drink, and be of good
+cheer.  In the audacity of our mood neither Cynthia nor I gave a
+thought to our pursuers.  We did not consider that we were in the house
+of the enemy, and that it could be by no means unexpected that we
+should be surprised at any hour.  And I am not sure that we were
+prepared greatly to care should aught so untoward happen.  By this I
+believe we were utterly desperate.  A reaction had come upon us.  We,
+who had been so excessively solicitous for the well-being of our skins
+and the preservation of our perfect liberty, were at this moment unable
+to muster much interest in these matters.  We were in a warm room, in a
+congenial society, snug, well fed, and mighty well content.  No two
+persons could have been in a happier case in which to confront the
+worst.  Let the devil walk in if he chose.  For once we were in a
+condition to beard him.  Our cheeks burnt; our eyes shone; our hearts
+were overflowing and generous.
+
+Such was the state of our minds, when without a solitary note of
+warning, and as a wholly natural consequence, the devil walked in.  In
+the very height of our cheerful rattle, of our foolish talk that
+hallowed by the bottle was so witty, the door opened suddenly, and the
+oath that sprang to my lips involuntarily to greet the servant who had
+so unceremoniously obtruded himself upon our familiar gaiety, was
+stifled before it was uttered.  The little Duke hopped in, purple, and
+gobbling like a turkey.  The cool and smiling Mr. Humphrey Waring,
+chewing his eternal wisp of straw, followed at his heels at a more
+elegant leisure.
+
+I suppose their sudden unheralded appearance was to us in the nature of
+a thunderbolt.  Yet after all it was so little unexpected as not to
+astonish us.  And, speaking for myself, now that I was fairly cornered,
+my last card played, the old recklessness returned, and instead of
+faltering before this outraged old gentleman, I rose, bowed, and
+greeted him with the completest self possession.  And as I did so,
+whether by virtue of the noble wine of his Grace's cellar, or as
+probably by an ecstasy of desperation, I conceived a kind of joy of our
+meeting.
+
+Between his alternate gobblings and hoppings and gaspings for breath,
+the old gentleman must have come perilously close to his inevitable
+apoplexy.  At first in his inarticulate fury he could neither speak nor
+act; and I found myself awaiting his good pleasure quite a long time,
+with a smile of greeting on my lips, and my hand on my heart.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+THE LAST
+
+In the end it was neither his Grace nor I who broke the spell.  Mr.
+Waring took the wisp of straw from his teeth, and says:
+
+"Tiverton, my dear fellow, you amuse me."
+
+"I rather amuse myself," says I, a little wearily.  "We are come to the
+last act in this somewhat pitiful poor-hearted sort of farce, and I
+suppose we must continue furiously to laugh until the curtain is rung
+down."
+
+"Of course, my dear fellow, of course," says Waring.  "But before we do
+so, would it not be as well if we had a few brief explanations in the
+true stage manner?  In the first place, may I ask why you so
+persistently shun the society of the one person who is the most likely
+to contribute something towards setting you right in the eyes of the
+world?"
+
+"I confess I do not understand you," says I.
+
+"Then I am sorry for it," says my rival, with a strange frank smile.
+"For, after all, the person I refer to is myself."
+
+"You?" says I.
+
+The incredulity in my voice caused the man to open his snuff-box very
+deliberately, and to offer its contents to me.
+
+"Perhaps, after all," says he, "there is no particular reason why you
+should take my meaning.  For you have doubtless forgotten that I am the
+only person now alive who was privileged to witness a certain incident.
+But that of course may be a fact you may wish to forget; or the
+incident in question may be too trifling for your recollection.  In any
+case I ask your pardon if I weary you."
+
+"On the contrary," says I coldly, "you interest me vastly."
+
+"The topic is one I should crave your pardon for mentioning," says the
+other, with his baffling air; "were not your interest so greatly at
+stake.  I presume you are not unacquainted with the construction the
+world hath already put upon this matter?"
+
+"I am not," says I curtly.
+
+"Then I hope, my dear fellow," says Waring, "you will accept a service,
+however slight, at my hands.  My testimony may be of some little value
+to you before a jury of your peers."
+
+My rival held out his hand with a jovial grace.  I stood looking at it,
+groping, with the wine still in my brain.  For the candour sparkling in
+the fellow's eyes was a thing I had never seen in that place before;
+the winning earnestness of it was so hard to realize that it
+overwhelmed me.  The bitter truth suddenly poured into my heart like a
+torrent.
+
+"My God," says I, "all this time I have been weighing your character by
+the measure of my own.  Is it not ever the fate of the mean and the
+little to do so?  You have been the phantom, from whom we have fled.
+The phantom, however, was not in a chaise and pair, but in our own
+hearts!"
+
+"The old fault, Tiverton, I protest," says Waring.  "What a trite,
+pragmatical, moralizing fellow it is!  I do hope you will not, like
+your damned old ancestor, lay a burden on an unprovoking posterity and
+write a book."
+
+"Ecod, I will," says I, "one day.  I will take a revenge of my mean
+mind by exhibiting it naked to the sneers of the world.  But in the
+meantime, Waring, I must show you in your true colours to my little
+Cynthia.  Even her feminine penetration had not divined them."
+
+It was a light word, lightly uttered; and I cursed myself.  The man was
+as pale as his neckcloth, and the old mocking whimsicality--alas!  I
+had nearly writ ugliness--was in his eyes.  There was but an instant in
+which this was to be observed, however, for with shaking fingers he
+opened his snuff-box, and regained possession of himself.
+
+I offered him my hand.
+
+"Waring," says I, "we cannot ever be friends.  You will continue to
+loathe me as you would a thief; and I on my part shall continue to hate
+you for the consummate hypocrite and charlatan you are.  But, curse my
+jacket, sir! as a dilettante in the arts, as a lover of the beautiful,
+I shall reverence for ever your singularly noble character."
+
+"Then I am repaid," says this cynical, candid devil.  "'Tis the reward
+I had looked for, my good Tiverton, that you, robber and ruffian as you
+are, whose foremost desire will ever be to put an inch of steel in my
+heart, should yet be condemned to lay your neck in the dust while
+Humphrey Waring walks upon it.  I do not think I could desire a
+prettier revenge.  'Tis a dear pretty chit, though."
+
+Involuntarily his eyes wandered across the room to Cynthia.  Mine
+followed them, in spite of myself, jealously.  It was then I saw that a
+strange thing had happened.  Father and daughter were seated together,
+tears streaming down their faces, locked in one another's arms.
+
+"Your victory is completer than I had supposed," says my rival coolly.
+
+At the moment I did not perceive the full force of his meaning.  An
+instant later, however, I had that felicity.  The old man in a broken
+voice called me over to him.  The tears still streamed down his cheeks.
+
+"I am a foolish, fond old man," says his Grace.  "Curse it all, was
+there ever such a damned, snuffling, weak old fool as I am!  Ecod, I
+must be very old.  How old am I, Humphrey?"
+
+"Eighty-two in December, Duke."
+
+"Curse me, so I am," says his Grace.  "If I hadn't been so old--if I
+had been eighty now, if I had been eighty--I would 'a broken a stick
+across your shoulders, miss, and I would 'a peppered your hide with
+lead, young what's-your-name.  But as I'm so old, 'od's lud!  I suppose
+I must be benevolent.  Miss says she loves you, young man--don't you,
+my pretty pet?--And she says you love her, so I suppose you had better
+marry her.  Humphrey won't mind; will you, Humphrey?  You be an old
+bachelor, and don't be plagued with daughters.  But I forget the
+fellow's name; what's his name, Humphrey?"
+
+"Tiverton," says Humphrey.
+
+"Of course," says the Duke.  "Knew your father, young man; thin man
+with a bald head and no chin; used to stutter when he got excited.
+Knew your grandfather too.  Of course I knew your grandfather, he, he,
+he!  Was at Eton with him.  Great man, your grandfather; writ a
+pamphlet or something.  Dirty little varlet at Eton; had red hair.
+What is the amount of your debts, young man?  I suppose I must pay 'em,
+though why I don't know.  But we'll go into it to-morrow, young
+Tiverton.  I must go to bed.  Give me your shoulder, Humphrey."
+
+Here is the end of my prosaic history.  The Duke's credit and
+influence, and Mr. Waring's testimony averted those calamities that had
+been such a nightmare to us.  We also had the banns cried; and were
+married all over again by Parson Scriven, lest any irregularities in
+regard to the union of Jane Smith and John Jones, or Jane Jones and
+John Smith, should recoil on their heirs.  Mr. Waring lives on his
+property in Ireland, troubles Saint James's little, and Devonshire
+less.  Mr. Sadler, as I have said, came to be hanged.  No man of the
+world was more courteous and polite than he; no man was more genial;
+yet I should be the last to deny that his fate was richly merited.
+Even in the very moment of our reconciliation on that eventful night,
+he stole away.  A pair of cameos of great price went with him, I grieve
+to say.  It may, of course, have been his boast that he too was a lover
+of the beautiful.
+
+
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+LONDON: WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED.
+
+
+
+
+WARD, LOCK & CO.'S
+
+Sevenpenny Net Novels
+
+_Cloth Gilt.  With frontispiece, and attractive coloured wrapper_, 7_d.
+net_.
+
+
+Fiction-lovers have welcomed the appearance in this dainty and
+attractive form of some of the best work of leading modern novelists.
+All the stories included are copyright and of proved popularity.  The
+type is large and readable, and the neat cloth binding renders the
+volumes worthy of permanent preservation.
+
+
+THE GARDEN OF LIES.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN
+
+The novel with which Mr. Forman attained popularity.  A real romance,
+full of vigour, passion and charm.
+
+
+ANNA, THE ADVENTURESS.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM
+
+Mr. Oppenheim excels himself in this story, which has been the most
+successful of all his novels.
+
+
+RAINBOW ISLAND.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+"Should be hailed with joyous shouts of welcome."--_The Literary World_.
+
+
+THE IMPOSTOR.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+Will live and always rank as its author's most powerful and engrossing
+work.
+
+
+THE MOTHER.
+
+EDEN PHILLPOTTS.
+
+"This is Mr. Phillpotts' best book," said _The Daily Telegraph_.
+
+
+A STUDY IN SCARLET.
+
+(The first book about Sherlock Holmes.)
+
+A. CONAN DOYLE.
+
+"One of the cleverest and best detective stories we have
+seen."--_London Quarterly Review_.
+
+
+A MAKER OF HISTORY.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+Mr. Oppenheim's skill has never been displayed to better advantage.
+
+
+BUCHANAN'S WIFE.
+
+JUSTUS M. FORMAN.
+
+A thoroughly fine book from start to finish.
+
+
+THE PILLAR OF LIGHT.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+A wonderfully fascinating and breathlessly exciting story, told in Mr.
+Tracy's best style.
+
+
+A BID FOR FORTUNE.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+The first and best of all the exciting adventures of Dr. Nikola.
+
+
+THE DAY OF TEMPTATION.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+An enthralling mystery tale.
+
+
+THE BEAUTIFUL WHITE DEVIL.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A more exciting romance no man could reasonably ask for.
+
+
+WHEN I WAS CZAR.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+A really brilliant novel, full of dramatic incident and smart dialogue.
+
+
+THE CRIMSON BLIND.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+One of the most ingeniously conceived detective stories ever written.
+
+
+THE LODESTAR.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+
+A fine and distinguished romance.
+
+
+IN WHITE RAIMENT.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+Absolutely the most puzzling and enthralling of Mr. Le Queux's many
+popular romances.
+
+
+NOT PROVEN.
+
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+
+The finest emotional and entertaining story these authors have written.
+
+
+YOUNG LORD STRANLEIGH.
+
+ROBERT BARR.
+
+"The most amusing and at the same time the most exciting novel of the
+year."--_Manchester Courier_.
+
+
+THE DUST OF CONFLICT.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+Another excellent story of adventure comparable to its Author's great
+success "The Impostor."
+
+
+TWO BAD BLUE EYES.
+
+"RITA."
+
+A delightfully charming and exciting story of strong human interest.
+
+
+MR WINGRAVE, MILLIONAIRE.
+
+E. P. OPPENHEIM.
+
+A rattling good novel of remarkable power and fascination.
+
+
+THE CORNER HOUSE.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+Crammed with sensation and mystery--an excellent romance that will be
+eagerly read.
+
+
+IN STRANGE COMPANY.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A capital novel of the sensational-adventurous order.
+
+
+THE SPORTING CHANCE.
+
+A. AND C. ASKEW.
+
+A bright and alluring story that is well worth reading.
+
+
+THE GOLD WOLF.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+
+Throbbing with interest and excitement from start to finish.
+
+
+THE SECRET.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+"One of the most engrossing stories we have read."--_Daily Telegraph_.
+
+
+A DAMAGED REPUTATION.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+"Once more we repeat that Mr. Bindloss has stepped into the shoes of
+the late Seton Merriman."--_Daily Mail_.
+
+
+THE SOUL OF GOLD.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+
+This story has been acclaimed by _The Daily Telegraph_ as worthy of
+much praise and cleverly worked out.
+
+
+THE MARRIAGE OF ESTHER.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A story full of action, life, and dramatic interest.
+
+
+LADY BARBARITY.
+
+J. C. SNAITH.
+
+"'Lady Barbarity' would cheer a pessimist in a November fog."--_Black
+and White_.
+
+
+BY WIT OF WOMAN.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+The ingenuity of this exciting story positively takes one's breath away.
+
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+THE WHEEL O' FORTUNE.
+
+A bright and breezy adventure story.
+
+
+THE SLAVE OF SILENCE.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+Plot and counterplot, mystery and excitement, sentiment and
+romance--all skilfully blended.
+
+
+DARBY AND JOAN.
+
+"RITA."
+
+One of Rita's most enthralling tales.
+
+
+THE RED CHANCELLOR.
+
+SIR WILLIAM MAGNAY.
+
+A romantic and breathlessly exciting yarn.
+
+
+THE TEMPTRESS.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+A fascinating mystery story of holding interest.
+
+
+PRO PATRIA.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON
+
+Shows Mr. Pemberton at his best.
+
+
+THE FASCINATION OF THE KING.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+Fairly bristles with thrilling passages, exciting adventures, and
+hairbreadth escapes.
+
+
+WILD SHEBA.
+
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+
+Brimful of life and amusement.
+
+
+BY SNARE OF LOVE.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+One of the most rousing romances of modern times.
+
+
+BENEATH HER STATION.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+A powerful and well written story of hardihood, love and adventure.
+
+
+HOPE MY WIFE.
+
+L. G. MOBERLY.
+
+Provides much sentiment and pathos.
+
+
+THE MISSIONER.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+Deeply engrossing as a novel, pure in style, and practically faultless
+as a literary work.
+
+
+THE MESSAGE OF FATE.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+Written in a clear and crisp style, the story abounds with thrilling
+situations, in which love, jealousy, intrigue and mystery play an
+important part.
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS.
+
+J. C. SNAITH.
+
+Pulsing with strong healthy life, and brimming over with incident.
+
+
+TOMMY CARTERET.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+
+Another triumph from the pen of the author of "The Garden of Lies,"
+"Buchanan's Wife," etc.
+
+
+
+
+*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS ***
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+<div style='text-align:center; font-size:1.2em; font-weight:bold'>The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Wayfarers, by J. C. Snaith</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
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+</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Title: The Wayfarers</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:1em; margin-bottom:1em; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Author: J. C. Snaith</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Release Date: December 28, 2010 [eBook #34776]<br />
+[Most recently updated: October 7, 2022]</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Language: English</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin:1em 0'>Character set encoding: UTF-8</div>
+<div style='display:block; margin-left:2em; text-indent:-2em'>Produced by: Al Haines</div>
+<div style='margin-top:2em; margin-bottom:4em'>*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS ***</div>
+
+<div class="fig" style="width:100%;">
+<img src="images/img-front.jpg" width="373" height="650" alt="[Illustration]" />
+<p class="caption">“‘It is most strange, madam ... that you should not be
+certain of the name of your husband.’” (Chapter XIII.)</p>
+</div>
+
+<h1>THE WAYFARERS</h1>
+
+<h4>BY</h4>
+
+<h3 class="no-break">J. C. SNAITH</h3>
+
+<h5>Author of "Mistress Dorothy Marvin," "Fierceheart,<br/>
+the Soldier," "Lady Barbarity," etc</h5>
+
+<h4>
+WARD, LOCK &amp; CO., LIMITED
+<br/>
+LONDON, MELBOURNE AND TORONTO
+<br/>
+1902
+</h4>
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>CONTENTS</h2>
+
+<table summary="" style="">
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap01">CHAPTER I. THE DEVIL TO PAY</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap02">CHAPTER II. LADY CYNTHIA CAREW</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap03">CHAPTER III. INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap04">CHAPTER IV. WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap05">CHAPTER V. I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER.</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap06">CHAPTER VI. CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap07">CHAPTER VII. AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE LEARNING IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap08">CHAPTER VIII. WE GET US TO CHURCH</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap09">CHAPTER IX. WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap10">CHAPTER X. WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap11">CHAPTER XI. I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap12">CHAPTER XII. I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap13">CHAPTER XIII. I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap14">CHAPTER XIV. AMANTIUM IRÆ</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap15">CHAPTER XV. AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap16">CHAPTER XVI. WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap17">CHAPTER XVII. WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap18">CHAPTER XVIII. CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap19">CHAPTER XIX. WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap20">CHAPTER XX. DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap21">CHAPTER XXI. WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+<tr>
+<td> <a href="#chap22">CHAPTER XXII. THE LAST</a></td>
+</tr>
+
+</table>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h2>
+THE WAYFARERS
+</h2>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap01"></a>
+CHAPTER I
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+THE DEVIL TO PAY
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+When I opened my eyes it was one o'clock in the day.  The cards lay on
+the table in a heap, and on the carpet in a greater one, the dead
+bottles in their midst.  The candles were burnt out; their holders were
+foul with smoke and grease.  As I sat up on the couch on which I had
+thrown myself at nine o clock in the morning in the desperation of
+fatigue, and stretched the sleep out of my limbs and rubbed it out of
+my brain the afternoon strove through the drawn blinds palely.  The
+half-light gave such a sombre and appropriate touch to the profligate
+scene that it would have moved a moralist to a disquisition of five
+pages.  But whatever my errors, that accusation was never urged against
+me, even by my friends.  You may continue in your reading, therefore,
+in no immediate peril.  The ashes were long since grey in the grate;
+there was an intolerable reek of wine-dregs and stale tobacco in the
+air; and the condition of the furniture, stained and broken and tumbled
+in all directions contributed the final disorder to the room.  Indeed
+the only article in it, allowing no exception to myself, that had
+emerged from the orgy of the night without an impediment to its dignity
+was the picture of my grandfather, that pious, learned nobleman,
+hanging above the mantelpiece.  A chip off a corner of his frame might
+be urged even against him; but what was that in comparison with the
+philosophical severity with which he gazed upon the scene?  In the
+grave eyes, the grim mouth, the great nose of his family, he retained
+the contemplative grandeur which had enabled him to give to the world
+in ten ponderous tomes a Commentary on the <i>Analects of Confucius</i>.
+The space they had occupied on my book-shelf, between the <i>Newgate
+Calendar</i> and the <i>History of Jonathan Wild the Great</i>, was now
+unfilled, since these memorials of the great mind of my ancestor had
+lain three weeks with the Jews.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the time my wits had returned I was able to recall the fact that the
+previous night, whose evidences I now regarded, was the last I should
+enjoy.  It was the extravagant ending to a raffish comedy.  Finis was
+already written in my history.  As I sat yawning on my couch I was a
+thing of the past; I had ceased to be; to-morrow at this hour I should
+be forgotten by the world.  I had had my chin off the bridle for ten
+years, and had used that period to whirl my heels without regard to the
+consequences.  I had played high, drunk deep, paid my court to Venus,
+gained the notoriety of the intrigue and the duel&mdash;in fact, I had taken
+every degree in rakishness with the highest honours.  I had spent or
+lost every penny of my patrimony, and fourteen thousand pounds besides;
+I could no longer hold my creditors at bay; various processes were out
+against me; the Jews had my body, as surely as the devil had my soul.
+But it was more particularly a stroke of ill-fortune that had hastened
+on the evil day.  The single hair whereon the sword over my head had
+been suspended must have been severed sooner or later, even had it not
+suddenly snapped at four of the clock of the previous afternoon.  At
+that hour I had killed a cornet of the Blues within a hundred yards of
+the Cocoa Tree, in the presence of my greatest enemy.  Lord knows it
+was in fair fight, marred it is true by a little heat on the side of
+both; but the only witness of the deed, and he an accidental one, was
+Humphrey Waring, my rival and my enemy.  He of all men was best able to
+turn such a misadventure on my part to account.  The moment poor
+Burdock sank sobbing to death in Waring's arms, and he cried with his
+grim laugh, "You will need to run pretty swift, my lord, to prove your
+<i>alibi</i>," I knew that fate had reserved for the last the cruellest
+trick of all she had it in her power to play.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Possessed by the knowledge that I must inevitably perish in a rope, or
+less fortunately in a debtor's jail, for the instant the hand of the
+law was laid on my coat, the state of my affairs would never permit it
+to be removed.  I went home and hastily summoned a few choice spirits
+to my lodgings in Jermyn Street that evening; and I spent the last
+night of my freedom in that society, expecting at every cast of the
+cards and every clink of the bottle to hear the boots of the "traps"
+from Bow Street upon the stairs.  Yet all night long they never came,
+and here it was one o'clock in the afternoon, and I still in the
+enjoyment of my liberty.  And now, as I sat in the sanity of daylight,
+refreshed by an excellent sleep, I felt myself still to be my own man.
+Therefore I called to François my valet to draw up the window-blinds,
+and to have the goodness to bring me a bottle of wine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This blackguard of an Irishman bore in baptism the name of Terence, but
+I called him François, because one holds that to be as indubitably the
+name of a valet as Dick of an ostler, and Thomas of a clergyman.
+Besides, I have such an hereditary instinct for polite letters, that I
+would as lief have called him after his own honoured patronymic as by
+that of our excellent Flaccus himself.  François waded through the
+kings and queens and aces on the carpet, let the daylight in, and then
+withdrew to fetch a clean glass and a bottle of Tokay.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The last bottle, me lord," says he.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"We drain the last bottle on the last day," says I.  "Can aught be more
+fitting?  <i>Finis coronal opus</i>!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As this was the last time I should take the cup of pleasure to my lips,
+I made the utmost of it; sipped it carefully, turned it over on my
+tongue, held the glass up to the light, meditated on my past a little,
+on my present case, and what lay before me.  I suppose it was a
+particular generous quality of the wine that kindled a new warmth in my
+spirit.  Why, I asked myself, should I sit here, tamely waiting on my
+fate?  Why should I be content to have my person contaminated with the
+dirty hands that would hale it to an ignominious death, or a thing less
+bearable?  Why should I not cheat the Jews and my evil fortune in this
+last hour?  Nothing could be easier than to leave the law in the lurch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This course was so consonant to the desperation of my temper and
+affairs, that I had no sooner entered on the second glass of this last
+bottle, than I was fully convinced of its propriety.  It was surely
+more fitting that a gentleman should select the hour and the manner of
+his exit from the world, than submit like a common ruffian to the
+dictation of the law in these important matters.  To die by the hand of
+oneself is not the highest sort of death, it is true; but I am one who
+would advance, although the ancient and best writers are against me in
+this matter, that there are occasions when a man may best serve his
+dignity by renouncing that which has ceased to be a cherished object to
+him.  In this, at least, I have Cato the younger with me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Indeed I had already taken this resolve rather than submit my pride to
+those inconveniences that so depress the spirit, when a third glass of
+wine put me in mind of a thing the most importunate of any.  There was
+a certain lady.  Nothing can be more ludicrous than to consider of a
+ruined gamester broken by Fortune on her wheel, pausing in his last
+extremity for such a reason.  But there it was.  I could have wished to
+see the tears of defiance once again on her cheeks.  In spite of the
+world, in spite of her family, of my evil history, of my cunning,
+plausible enemy, she had given me her proud little heart.  She was the
+one person I might have turned to in this black hour, who would not
+have requited me with a sneer or a cold glance.  Her stern old father
+had no sooner discovered how her affections stood committed towards me,
+and had learned the colour of my reputation, than he had whisked her
+away from town to his seat in the remote west country, and had vowed
+upon his soul to have me ducked in a ditch if I so much as showed my
+nose in those parts.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These thoughts of dear, insolent little Cynthia had induced reflections
+that I could well have done without.  It was plain that this last cast
+of the cards had left the game in the hands of Mr. Humphrey Waring.  He
+had long had the ear of the old duke, Cynthia's father, and no man knew
+better how to push the advantages my misfortunes had given him over me.
+He would marry the greatest heiress in the west country, hate him as
+she might, whilst Jack Tiverton, the worthless rogue on whom she doted,
+or, if it please you better, the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John
+Plowden-Pleydell, fifth Earl of Tiverton, that ill-fated nobleman,
+rotted in durance, or writhed in a rope at Tyburn, or spilt his brains
+on the carpet of his lodgings.  But for all that I had a mind to
+attempt a little more mischief before I perished.  Why not go to poor
+little town-bred Cynthia, immured in the country like a bird in a cage,
+and throw her obstinate old father and her cunning suitor into such a
+fright as they would not be likely to forget?  Indeed, why not?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, when I came to reflect on this scheme more carefully, I found
+that I had hardly zest enough for it.  My ruin was too complete.
+Besides, it might cost Cynthia dear.  I should have been well pleased
+to look on my pretty young miss once again and watch the tears course
+down her cheeks in the stress of our farewell, for I would have you
+know that I am a man of sentiment when in the humour.  But it would be
+a hollow business and little of a kindness to the child to have her
+weep for such a broken profligate.  I should purchase the discomfort of
+my enemies at too high a price.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yet I must come to a decision speedily.  Every instant I expected to
+hear the law upon the stairs.  Should I spare it any further trouble
+there and then, or make an attempt to break out of town and lead it a
+dance across the country?  The drawback in the first course was its
+somewhat arbitrary nature.  It was so final and so certain that chance
+would have no opportunity.  The drawback to the second was that I had
+not a guinea in the world.  That morning I had staked my last and lost
+it.  However, as I weighed the pros and cons with a whimsical
+deliberation I was taken with a fortunate expedient.  Chance had been
+the ruling passion of my life.  It had brought me to this pass.  Why
+should I not employ it to solve this problem?  I summoned M. François.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Take two pistols," I said, "into the next chamber, but load one only.
+Cock them both, however, but use particular care that nothing shall
+suggest which is charged and which is not.  Then bring them here and
+lay them side by side upon this table, still remembering not to betray
+the fatal one."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+M. François bowed, and solemnly carried away the weapons from the
+sideboard.  I awaited his return with an emotion akin to pleasure.  I
+had tasted most of the delights that chance could afford me; but even
+I, who had staked houses, lands, servants, furniture, and every guinea
+of my fortune, had not yet gambled with my life.  Thus, when I came to
+play the greatest stake that is in the power of any man to play, it was
+but fitting that I should enjoy some little exhilaration in that act.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+M. François returned in rather more than two minutes with the pistols,
+and set them on the table on the top of the cards.  They were both
+cocked, and it was impossible to distinguish one from the other.  M.
+Francis coughed in his well-bred manner, and then sighed deeply.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I beg your pardon, my lord," he said, at the verge of tears, "and I am
+sure your lordship will overlook the liberty on an occasion&mdash;on an
+occasion that is not likely to occur again.  But may I say, my lord,
+with what deep regret I take farewell of your lordship?  I am sure
+there could not have been a better, kinder master."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"François, I subscribe heartily to that," says I, "and I am sure there
+could not have been a bigger blackguard of a servant.  And may I say,
+François, that I never took a deeper pleasure in anything than in
+parting with you; and I may even add that if a minute hence I am called
+elsewhere, I go with the less irresolution, because I am firm in the
+opinion that wherever it may be, I cannot be worse served than I have
+been at your hands."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says François humbly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No thanks, I beg," says I.  "But, François, if chance, who hath served
+me nearly as ill as you have and for a rather longer period, sees fit
+to arrange that I shall perish by my own hand, I do not doubt that you
+will desire some small memento, some small souvenir of so fortunate an
+occasion."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says François, more humbly than
+before.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You overwhelm me, François," says I.  "If there is any little
+knick-knack your fancy turns to, you have only to mention it.  The Jews
+will but claim it otherwise, and I would almost as lief it fell into
+your hands as into theirs."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"As your lordship so emboldens me," says M. François, "I should most
+greatly cherish the picture of your grandfather, that wise good
+nobleman, that hangs above the mantelpiece, for I am sure I could
+devise no more fitting memorial of his grandson."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"François," says I, "would I did not know you for a rogue, for the
+chastity of your taste does you so much honour it honours me.  But
+would you bereave me of the last badge of my respectability?  Friends,
+fortune, estate, the consideration of the world, all are gone, and you
+would now deny me the solace of my heritage.  Yet I commend your wisdom
+even here, since if you rob others as you have robbed myself, you will
+presently be able to purchase half the kingdom of Ireland, and set up
+among the landed gentry.  You will then, I doubt not, find an ancestor
+or two come not amiss.  And if of my grandfather's pattern so much the
+better, for their virtue will purchase you more credit than any of your
+own.  But I would recommend myself that you took a few ancestors over
+with the property.  They would cost less in a lump.  Besides, they tell
+me they are cheaper in Ireland than anywhere else, except France, where
+they are even more common than matrimony."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+M.  François was gathering himself to make a proper reply to this
+harangue, when suddenly we both heard the long-expected footfalls on
+the stairs.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Secure that door," said I.  "I will not be taken until chance hath
+arbitrated on my destination."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Saying this, without the hesitation of an instant I picked up one of
+the pistols lying side by side among the cards.  François slipped to
+the door and turned the key.  Then he went to the mantelpiece, took
+down the picture, and placed it under his arm.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Farewell, my lord," he said, "I leave you with inexpressible regret."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He ran to the window, cast it open, and with the most astonishing skill
+and agility, squeezed himself through the opening, my grandfather and
+all; and the roof being well within his reach, he first laid the
+picture on the tiles, then drew himself up after it, and showed the
+cleanest pair of heels to the law as ever I saw.  And I was so taken
+with the ready wit and contrivance of the rogue, that although I had
+the cocked pistol pressed to my temple, I could not pull the trigger
+for the life of me.  For I stood all a-shake with very laughter, so
+that the cold muzzle of the weapon tapped now against my forehead, now
+against my nose, now against my cheekbone, till I vow it was a miracle
+the hammer did not descend.  But in the middle of all this the door was
+tried and shaken, followed by a fierce tap on the panel, and then came
+the clear tones of a woman.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Open&mdash;open the door.  Jack, it is I!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the sound of that voice the pistol fell from my hands altogether.
+Striking the carpet with a thud, it exploded under my feet and knocked
+a great hole in the wainscot.  For an instant the room was full of
+smoke, gunpowder, and a mighty noise; but the moment I recovered my
+courage I unfastened the door and confronted the cause of it&mdash;Cynthia
+Carew!  She too was the victim of a not unnatural bewilderment, and as
+pale as linen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ods sputterkins!" she cried.  "What a taking you have put me in!  I am
+all of a twitter.  Whose brains have you spilt?  Not your own, I'll
+warrant me, for you never had any.  Give me a kiss now, and get me some
+ratafia to compose me, and we'll let it pass."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Cynthia," I gasped, but giving her the first of these requisites, "how
+came you here, in heaven's name?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ratafia!" she cried, "ratafia, or I perish."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"There's never a drop in the place," says I.  "No, nor cherry-brandy,
+nor aromatic vinegar neither."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Another kiss then," says Cynthia, pressing her white cheek against me,
+and casting her arms about my neck.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I led her within and set her down on the couch.  She bore all the
+evidences of having made a long journey.  So far from being dressed in
+the modishness that was wont to charm St. James's Park, she was covered
+by a long, dun-coloured cloak, wore a country hat, if I'm a judge of
+'em, in which the feathers were crumpled; her shoes were muddy, and she
+carried a strange look of fear and uneasiness that I had never seen
+about her before.  I procured a clean glass and filled it with wine
+from the last bottle and made her drain it, for she looked so pale and
+overborne.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Now," says I, "how came you here? and what brings you?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Jack," says she, "I am run away."  She suddenly broke forth into a
+flood of tears.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The devil you are!" says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes," says she, sobbing as though her heart would break, "and I'm not
+sorry neither."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You wouldn't confess it an you were," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, I wouldn't," she sobbed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I must admit that the sight of the sweet chit was the one thing in all
+the world that had the power to please me at that hour, yet there was
+not a thing that could have happened to leave me in so sore a case.
+Here had my prettiness come and thrown herself on my protection&mdash;on the
+protection of a man utterly ruined, whom the law was already dogging
+for his liberty, if not his life.  In sooth I must send her back again.
+It was no sort of a reception, especially when one fell to consider the
+heroical fashion of her coming to me.  But what else was one to do?  I
+was at my last gasp, without so much as a guinea, or a roof for my
+head, since to stay in that house was to court arrest, nor had I a
+friend in the world to whom I would dare to recommend her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Cynthia," says I, "I dote upon the sight of you; I am filled with joy
+to see you sitting there, but&mdash;but&mdash;&mdash;"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How could I tell the child!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But&mdash;but?"  She sobbed no more.  Mopping her tears, she crumpled the
+sopping handkerchief in her little fist, sat perfectly upright in her
+seat, and stared so straight at me that I felt the blood hum in my ears.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But&mdash;but!" says I again&mdash;devil take me if I could tell her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But&mdash;but?" says she on her part; and it was wonderful to see her blue
+eyes come open and her proud lips spring together like the snap of a
+watch-case.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, Cynthia, dear, it is simply this," says I, going headlong into
+it.  "You find me a ruined gamester, without a friend or a guinea in
+the world, who even at this moment is being hunted for his debts, and,
+if I dared say it to you, something worse.  Now there is but one way
+out of it.  You cannot stay here; there is not a friend to whom I may
+confide you; child, you must go back to your father."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Instead of growing red, the colour that shone I am sure in my face, she
+grew as pale as snow, and her eyes sparkled with a grim beauty that
+discomposed me more than it charmed me.  She rose from the couch,
+lifted her chin out of her white throat, and kicked the kings and
+queens and knaves on the carpet in all directions.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Never," she cried.  "I will not go back to my father.  I said I would
+not marry this Mr. Waring; whereon my lord said he would lock me in my
+room until I was of another mind.  And he did lock me in it; and I
+broke out of it; and I will not go back, no, not if I must subsist on
+crusts picked from the kennel, and the clothes rot off my body, and I
+sleep o' nights in a dry ditch or the porch of a church."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Faith!" says I, "that's well spoke, monstrous well spoke."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I hate this Mr. Waring," says the little fury.  "May I be crost in
+love, if I do not."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"And if I do not too," says I, "may my heart smoke in purgatory.  But
+come tell me, is it for himself you hate him, or is it for love of me?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A plague take all catechisms," says she.  "But I will tell you for
+another kiss."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think two persons in love could never have been in a worse plight
+than Cynthia and I.  There seemed no course open to us, other than to
+flee together, we knew not whither.  Before even this could be
+considered, however, we had to find the means.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What money have you left in your poke?" I asked her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Twelvepence exactly and a halfpenny over."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I whistled long and shrill.  "Which is twelve-pence exactly and a
+halfpenny more than there is in mine.  At nine o'clock this morning I
+staked my all, including three periwigs, nine pairs of silk breeches,
+stockings, five cambric brocaded waistcoats, silver-buckled shoes,
+sword, duelling pistols, house and furniture, the Odes of Horace, and
+my man-cook&mdash;staked 'em on the queen of hearts and lost 'em.  Think on
+it, my pretty&mdash;lost 'em on the queen of hearts."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I care not for that," says Cynthia.  "I will not go back, and so you
+must make the best of me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But, child, what can I do when I'm taken?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You must not be taken."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"In that case," says I, "the only chance we have is to get away from
+here at once, furnished with the clothes we stand in, and the sum of
+twelve-pence halfpenny."
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap02"></a>
+CHAPTER II
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+LADY CYNTHIA CAREW
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+Having come to this odd resolve, it behoved us to lose no time.  But
+whither we should go, neither of us knew.  North, south, east, or west,
+one latitude was as good as another.  We should be equally served in
+each.  As for the means at our disposal, we had the sum of twelve-pence
+halfpenny sterling.  I am sure that much the same thoughts were
+uppermost in the minds of us both, for the moment I looked at little
+Cynthia sitting on the couch with a tight mouth and ratter quizzical
+eyes, I broke forth into a shout of laughter, which she returned so
+promptly that it became a question as to whom the honour of the first
+peal belonged.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the midst of this pleasantry I walked to the door of the room and
+locked it again.  I had no mind to be taken unawares by the enemy; and
+provided I was not, François' example had shown that a way of escape
+was always open.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Now, my dear," says I, "we have no time to lose; let us be putting our
+few affairs in order.  Look round this despoiled chamber, and tell me
+if you observe any article in it that could be turned into money at a
+pawnshop, or is likely otherwise to serve us on our journey.  I am
+sorry to say that every object of <i>vertu</i> that I ever possessed upon
+which we might at a pinch have raised a seven-shilling piece has
+already been called upon to perform that office.  There is one
+exception even to these, it is true, but that cannot help us now, and I
+rejoice to think so.  For five minutes before your arrival I gave away
+to a connoisseur, a dilettante, a lover of the beautiful, Sir Godfrey
+Kneller's picture of my famous grandfather.  I think I could never have
+held up my head again had I given up that eminent nobleman to the
+ignoble usages I have suggested.  I foresaw this calamity; let me take
+the credit therefore of its aversion."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You gave it away without receiving a farthing for it!" cries Cynthia
+aghast.  "Oh, what a folly, Jack!  Had we it now we could make thirty
+shillings of it at any dealer's."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I know, I know!" says I triumphantly, "I grant that; therefore do you
+not more clearly see how finely I have acted by my grandfather?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Burn me if I do," says Cynthia.  "Jack, what a fool thou art!  For I
+see never a thing of value left in the place; or stay, we might put
+that pair of old iron pistols in a case and raise a loaf of bread on
+them.  I suppose that on the floor is the one with which you tried to
+take your life, and as the one other's cocked, I suppose that's loaded
+too."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Tried to take my life," says I.  "Cynthia, what words are these?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A truce to dissimulation, if you please," says Cynthia tartly, "for
+feather-headed fellow that you are, yet do no better at it than any of
+the other arts and sciences at which you have tried and failed."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I turned to the table and began sorting a handful of cards to cover my
+confusion.  A clever woman is the devil!  Cynthia, to add a sting to
+her speech, picked up the discharged pistol from the carpet,
+ostentatiously searched for its case, and put it in.  She then took up
+the other.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Is this loaded, or is it not?" she asked.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, it's not loaded," says I.  "Pull down the trigger and put it in
+too."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then, if it's not loaded, why was it cocked?"  The question was
+decidedly disconcerting.  I was by no means willing to go into the
+details of that matter, and therefore hesitated to find a reason.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You don't know whether it's loaded or not," says Cynthia, sternly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Most certainly I do.  Have I not said that it is not loaded?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"And have I not said," says the impudent Cynthia, "that you don't know
+whether it's loaded or not?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But, my dear child," says I, "have I not positively said that the
+thing's not loaded?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh yes, I admit that," says the provoking creature.  "But you must
+admit too, sir, that I have more faith in my own judgment than I have
+in yours.  I say again that you don't know whether that pistol is
+loaded or whether it is not."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I'll lay you two to one in hundreds that I do," says I hotly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Would not a case of iron pistols against the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny be more appropriate in the circumstances?" says Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I believe you are right there," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia then presented the pistol at the wall and a strange thing
+happened.  The room was filled with a reverberating crash, and when the
+smoke that arose had lifted a little it was discovered that a large
+mirror had been shivered into a thousand pieces.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"There," says Cynthia triumphantly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As for me, I stood aghast for a moment, perfectly at a loss to explain
+the pistol's strange behaviour.  Then I suddenly broke out into a fit
+of uncontrollable laughter; the admirable François had loaded them both.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was then the turn of Cynthia to stand aghast.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I hope your misfortunes have not deprived you of your reason," says
+she, more tartly than ever; and added, "I knew all along that you
+didn't know whether it was loaded or not."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come, come!" says I, keenly anxious, you may be sure, to change the
+topic.  "We have already tarried here over-long.  I will tell you the
+whole story in a more convenient place and season.  If we don't go at
+once, I am afraid we shall not go at all."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"True," says Cynthia, seating herself again on the couch with the most
+deliberate and provoking coolness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What new whimsey is this?" says I, utterly nonplussed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think, my Lord Tiverton," says Cynthia, with remarkable gravity,
+"that you have overlooked an important particular."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Which?  What?" says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nay, my lord," says she, "I am the last person in the world to remind
+you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That might be true enough so far as it went, but the pretty roguish
+chit composed her features and her person into such an affectation of
+solemnity, and there was such a saucy twinkle in her eyes too, that all
+the words in the English tongue could not have spoken more plainly than
+she did without uttering any.  It is, I suppose, one of the highest
+gifts of her sex, though to be sure, would it were exercised more!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Dammy," says I, "you mean&mdash;er&mdash;er; you mean that I must ask you to
+marry me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Instead of replying at once, she bent down and picked up half-a-dozen
+cards from the floor, arranged them in the shape of a fan, and held
+them in front of her eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"La," says she, "your lordship is too kind.  Pray ascribe my blushes to
+my country breeding."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Pah!" says I, "we have not the time for play-acting now.  The moment
+is very ill-chosen."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, I grant you that," says she, "but as you will allow that it was
+none of my choosing, why should I forego the peculiar privileges that
+my sex have ever derived from this position?  No, as I'm a woman, I
+will have this thing carried through in the most proper and approved
+manner.  Ods lud, sir! what notions have you got!  I will be coy if I
+choose, or haughty, or easy, or gracious, or mocking, or disdainful,
+just as my mood is and as I've a mind to be.  Now then, my lord, down
+on to your noble knees, and pour forth your foolish speeches that are
+meant to be so grand, which you must forget in the middle, whereon you
+will descend out of a rather turgid poetry into a bald and somewhat
+blasphemous prose.  For I will have your lordship to know that I will
+be wooed as a woman, else I will not be wooed at all.  Down, down on to
+your knees, my lord, and up, up with your apostrophes."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What a consummate folly is this," says I, "when at any moment we may
+be ta'en."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But the pretty little fool sat as demure as a mouse, not relaxing a lip
+or twitching an eyebrow, i' faith as adorable a picture of a person as
+any I've seen off a painted canvas.  There was that tantalizing air
+about her which at once invited, yet forbade; that aroused that which
+it denied.  I vow nothing could have been more taking than the sight of
+little Cynthia sitting there as straight as any arrow that ever Cupid
+shot, her knees and heels together, and her hands spread out with the
+palms turned down, and her dainty toes peeping from underneath her
+petticoat.  Indeed, so was I worked on by her graces and airs that I
+was like to forget the grim pass in which we were involved.  Nay, I
+gradually began to solicit her in a formal manner; a piece of behaviour
+that contributed as much to her whimsical pleasure as it did to my
+embarrassment.  And when in accents of undying regard, I came to ask
+for her hand in exchange for my heart and fortune, she was so charmed
+with the natural fervour with which I did it, that she stopped me
+imperiously, in the middle of much passion, and says: "I would have
+your lordship go over again that splendid passage that you have just
+uttered, that hath the fine swearing and the great humility in it.  I
+never heard anything choicer; Mr. Betterton never surpassed it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And when I had humoured her as much as she wished and that was not
+until I was thirsty and hot, and she was somewhat weary of keeping the
+strict attitude that she thought best suited to receive my addresses
+in, says she: "I declare, sir, you have pleased me vastly.  You are as
+good a suitor as any of them all.  Mr. Waring never wooed me half so
+well.  As for Mr. Stokes, and Colonel Regan, and Sir John Dufty, and my
+lord Viscount Brighouse, you compare very well with them too.  You have
+not the fine brawny pease-and-bacon appearance of Sir John, it is true,
+nor is your voice so rich and noble as the Colonel's, begorra, nor is
+your nose so well curved as Mr. Stoke's, nor have you a pretty little
+lisp like my lord Viscount, but in the sum-total of your attributes you
+do very fairly well.  And therefore as your lordship's fortune is so
+considerable, and you have already gained the approbation of my father,
+I think the only course open to me&mdash;Oh, Jack, listen!  What in the name
+of heaven is that?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You may well ask," says I.  "One, two, three, four, five probably or
+more, according to their boots on the stairs, gentlemen from Bow Street
+come to wait upon us."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, what shall we do!" says poor Cynthia, clapping her hands.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Keep very calm, child, and carefully heed what I say.  They will not
+molest you; I am their game.  But I doubt gravely whether I shall fall
+to them at present.  My way lies through that window and along the
+tiles, and whilst they follow, you will simply go downstairs and walk
+out at the front door.  Go as swiftly as you can down to Piccadilly to
+the gates of Hyde Park.  And if I am not already come there before you,
+wait till I arrive.  It is to be considered, of course, that I may have
+more difficulty than I apprehend in slipping these fellows."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here the door was roughly taken and the next instant so heavy a blow
+was delivered against it as partly drove in one of the panels.  I had
+just time to run into the adjoining chamber for a hat and a
+riding-cloak, to plant a kiss between brave little Cynthia's brows, and
+abjure her not to be afraid, when the door was driven in, and three or
+four ugly wretches came tumbling one upon another pell-mell into the
+room.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap03"></a>
+CHAPTER III
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+I had hardly time to open the window ere they were recovered of their
+entry and on their feet.  Seeing what I was about to attempt they made
+a rush, but I did not bear youth and vigour in my limbs for nothing.
+With a quickness that I'll warrant would have done no discredit to a
+cat, I had poised myself on the precarious sill, and had twisted myself
+into a favourable position for reaching the roof.  It was easily in
+reach, as this chamber very happily was at the top of the house.  I had
+barely taken a firm hold on the iron gutter that ran along the edge of
+the tiles, before I had drawn up one knee, and was in the act of
+dragging up the other as fast as I could, when it was seized by a hand
+from the room below.  Luckily for me, I had a firm enough hold of the
+roof to get some little purchase for my imprisoned leg, whereby I was
+enabled to deal my adversary a pretty smart kick in the teeth, which
+sent him cursing back into the room.  Thereupon I scrambled
+willy-nilly, hands and knees, on to the tiles.  Not one moment too
+soon, however.  My pursuers evidently numbered fleet and active fellows
+among them.  Their blood was up too.  For scarcely had I gone ten yards
+along the edge of the tiles, moving on all-fours for safety, ere
+another fellow was also in possession of the roof.  This was not at all
+to my liking, and a good deal outside my calculations, since I had not
+expected that these clumsy Bow Street runners would attempt to follow
+me in this fashion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My pursuer gave a view-halloa and followed me so fast that I realized
+at once that at this game Jack was like to be as good as his master.
+Perchance the fellow was better schooled in this mode of procedure than
+I, for he was clattering behind me, preparing to grab my heels before I
+could take my bearings.  I did not know where I was, and had not the
+least idea as to how I should get away.  But one thing was plain.  I
+had embarked on so bold a course that the moment there was a limit to
+my daring all would be lost.  Therefore, hearing the Bow Street
+gentleman wheezing and grunting a yard or two behind me, I stopped and
+rose to my feet, and turned round so suddenly as considerably to
+endanger my own safety and to take him entirely unawares.  And I sent
+my fist such a crack in his eye, that only a miracle saved him from
+toppling over the parapet into the middle of Jermyn Street, twenty feet
+beneath.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While Mr. Catchpole sprawled and wallowed with his arms and legs
+outstretched striving to save himself from falling over the brink, and
+howling to his mates, whose heads were just showing above the gutter,
+to come to his assistance, I took the occasion to alter my tactics.
+Instead of crawling along the edge, I began climbing up in a vertical
+direction.  And my pursuer being but a runner from Bow Street after
+all, had been considerably cooled in his zeal, and accordingly allowed
+me rather more of elbow room, whilst his companions, of whom two more
+had now come upon the top, observing the nature of his accident, were
+in no such hurry as he had been to come by one themselves.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I mounted painfully enough as high as the chimney pots, not without
+some damage to the skin of my hands and knees, and a good deal of
+slipping and sliding.  A game of hide-and-seek followed.  Reaching the
+opposite slope of the roofs, which concealed me and put me farthest
+away from the enemy, I crept as swiftly as I could from chimney-stack
+to chimney-stack with ever a keen eye for a means of getting down again
+into the street.  Some yards ahead I saw that the straight line of the
+tiles was broken by a dormer window.  I made to this for here was the
+very chance that I desired.  Alas! when I reached it I found it secured
+from within.  I had no time in which to break a pane of glass in the
+hope that I might put my hand through and discover the fastenings.  A
+couple of the traps had already found out in which direction I had
+gone, and were even now standing on the apex, and beckoning to the
+others.  I moved away to another dormer window a few yards further on.
+It too was fast, but looking ahead I saw, greatly to my relief, that a
+third was standing open.  My satisfaction had a short life, however.
+For scarcely had I made two yards towards it ere I observed a thing
+that in my haste I had overlooked.  The line of the houses ended
+abruptly; the open window belonged to another row.  Between ran an
+alley or a narrow street, wide enough to make me pause in my career.
+Hard pressed as I was, I must confess that I had no fancy to attempt a
+leap so precarious.  I turned to go back, but the enemy had followed so
+smartly on my heels that I saw in a glance that there was no chance of
+retreating by the way I had come.  My only hope lay in a forward
+direction; I could not possibly retire.  Nor must I hesitate an instant
+either.  The closer I came to this gulf in the houses the more
+desperate it looked, but my resolve was already taken.  A drowning man
+clutches at a straw.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Impeded as I was with a cumbersome riding-coat, I could not hope to
+make the leap successfully.  Hastily pulling it off, therefore, I
+folded it up in some rude fashion, for I could not afford to lose it,
+and pitched it over a space between the houses.  It landed in safety
+well over the immediate brink.  The traps, apprehending the nature of
+the feat I was about to attempt, were coming along the roof with
+wonderful expedition.  Indeed, they are almost within an arm's-length
+of me when I started on the run to make the leap.  With teeth set, and
+it must be confessed some little sickness of anticipation in my spirit,
+I ran as hard as I could, and hurled myself into the air with a
+despairing energy.  That I covered the gulf and landed with my knees on
+the coat I had cast across, I have always ascribed to that benevolent
+Providence that hath such a jealous regard for the worthless.  And in
+sooth when I had actually arrived there it was one of the greatest
+wonders in the world that I did not fall back again in the recoil, or
+did not begin to roll sideways and so tumble over the lower edge.  But
+somehow I recovered my balance before either of these calamities
+happened.  Then I felt that I might breathe again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was precious little to fear that the men from Bow Street would be
+bold enough to follow me.  For when I came to contemplate, now as you
+may believe with no little satisfaction, the magnitude of the hazard
+intervening between us, it cost me a shudder in despite of my
+complacency.  And as in their case it was not a life and death matter
+on which line of the roofs they happened to stand, and they had no
+thoughts of adorable little Cynthia to spur them on to these great
+risks, I think they may be pardoned for giving back before that which I
+with so many sweats and misgivings had accomplished.  Nor do I lay any
+unction to myself, since I am sure that had I stood in their shoes, or
+had I played for a lesser stake, I would have had none of such risks
+either.  Nay, I am not altogether clear in my mind that had I not been
+heated by the fine excitements of the hue and cry I should have been
+wrought up to do it as it was.  There can be little doubt, I think,
+that the chase makes a much nobler and more adventurous creature of the
+fox than ever consists with his vulgar and common character.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Seeing my pursuers had halted on the opposite brink, and were
+presenting such a helpless and bewildered appearance as plainly showed
+they had no stomach for a similar deed, I was able to resume my riding
+coat at my ease, and even to engage in a few words of conversation as I
+did so.  Says I:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Certainly, gentlemen, I think you are well advised in not seeking to
+come over.  'Pon my soul I would not have come over myself had you not
+pressed me so hard!  Here is a guinea to drink my health, and now I
+will wish you good afternoon!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Such is the power of habit that I fumbled in several pockets in search
+of a gold piece to toss them, ere I recollected the bankrupt condition
+in which I stood.  Perforce I had to be content with a bow and a
+lifting of the hat, whereupon I went my way along the roof while they
+were left at the end of their wits to discover a means by which they
+might circumvent me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had not an instant of time to lose, however, if I was to make good my
+escape.  There were doubtless persons in the street below who had had a
+keen eye for these proceedings.  No sooner would they see in which
+direction the cat was to jump than they would act accordingly.
+Therefore it behoved me to be as bold and as quick as ever.  The open
+dormer window offered the readiest mode of egress.  I made to it at
+once, and peering within saw that the chamber, a bedroom, was very
+happily empty.  I had no difficulty in squeezing my body through the
+narrow opening and so came into the room.  Having done this, I securely
+fastened the window to present a further obstacle to my enemies.  The
+great thing that lay before me now was to make my way downstairs as
+cautiously as I could, and to slip out of the house without attracting
+the attention of its occupants, or of those of my foes who might be
+lurking about in the street.  But much address was required to perform
+all this successfully, as you will readily understand.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+First I opened the door of the bed-chamber with noiseless care, and
+then groped my way through the gloom and strangeness of the place to
+the stairs.  And mighty rickety and full of noises they were when I
+found them.  They began so sheer and abruptly, and so close to the
+bed-room door, that in spite of my caution, I was on them long ere I
+thought I was, and as a consequence nearly pitched headlong down their
+whole length.  Mercifully I recovered my balance in the nick of time,
+but not before, as it seemed to my nervous ears, I had set up an
+intolerable clatter that appeared to echo and re-echo through every
+room of the house.  Step by step, I crept down the stairs, and paused
+to listen on every one.  It was so dark that I had to be very tenacious
+of the walls.  But fortune was still on my side.  There seemed not a
+soul in all the house, nor could I hear a sound.  Yet every step I
+descended the place grew darker and darker; there was not so much as a
+glimmer of light from a door or a window to be discerned; while the
+walls were so close about me that when I stretched out my hands I could
+feel them on either side.  Presently I ceased to descend, whereon much
+shuffling of my feet ensued, and I concluded that this was some kind of
+a landing.  More shuffling and gingerly manoeuvring followed, and then
+the stairs began again, and the place grew darker than ever.  The
+darkness became so great that I could not see my hand before my face;
+and as I had not the means about me to procure a light, nor would have
+dared to employ them had they been in my possession, I began to marvel
+where in the world I was coming to.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last the stairs ended altogether, and on pushing carefully forward,
+my nose suddenly came against an unexpected obstacle.  Running my hands
+over it, I judged it to be a door.  I put my ear to the wood, but
+listen as I might I could hear no sound.  Whither it led or what lay
+behind it I had not the vaguest notion, nor was there a speck of light
+by which I might make a guess.  But when the handle of the door came
+into my fist, I decided not to flinch the situation whatever it might
+present.  A bold course had been my salvation hitherto; come what might
+I would continue in it.  Therefore, I cautiously turned the handle, and
+opened the door an inch at a time, I daresay I had got it about five
+inches apart when it was rudely grasped from the other side, and flung
+wide open in my face.  A Jew stood before me, as true a child of Israel
+as ever I set eyes on.  He cast up his hands and gurgled in his anger
+and surprise.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why, what the deffil!" says he at last.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"How do you do, sir," says I, cordially holding out my hand.  "Proud to
+meet you, sir, infernally proud to meet you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although I had hoped that my air and tone were the very pattern of
+affability, I doubt if this Hebrew thought them so; or even if he did,
+he hardly seemed to think they became me in the circumstances as
+handsomely as I had hoped they would.  For he gurgled and cackled, his
+tawny countenance grew redder and redder, his hands trembled, and he
+contorted his body into a truly fantastic shape.  Meantime I gazed past
+him to see whence he had emerged, in the hope that I might get some
+clue as to what would be the best line of conduct to adopt.  To my
+infinite pleasure I saw that I had come upon the threshold of a
+pawnbroker's shop, since a truly miscellaneous collection of articles
+lay scattered about it, whilst the character and nation of my
+inquisitor alone warranted the theory.  Yet in an instant was my
+satisfaction turned to anger, for there, staring into my very eyes with
+all the meditative grandeur he had of yore, was that learned nobleman,
+my grandfather.  It was well for M. François that he was not at that
+moment within my reach.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What do you do here?" says the Jew, having discovered his tongue at
+last.  "Do you think I do not know?  You haf come to rob my house.
+Benjamin, bring your blunderbush.  In broad daylight, too.  O heaven,
+what effrontery!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear Mr. Moses," says I winningly, "what words are these?
+Effrontery&mdash;rob your house; to conceive that I, the best friend your
+tribe ever had or for that matter ever will have, should be thus
+accosted by you!  I am here as a client, sir; and to conceive that you
+of all men should deny a client when he takes these monstrous pains to
+come to you in privacy!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Moses was a good deal reassured by my address.  But after all his
+race are a good deal too tenacious to be put off so lightly.  He
+demanded to know in what manner I had come there and he did it so
+boisterously too, and in a fashion so calculated to attract the
+attention of persons in the street that I judged it wisest to make a
+clean breast of how matters stood with me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, Mr. Moses," says I, "if you must know I am that great benefactor
+of your tribe, Lord Tiverton.  My lodgings are about six doors up the
+street, and they have been visited this afternoon by the dirtiest set
+of minions from Bow Street as ever I saw.  And so hard was I put to it
+to clear them that I took to the housetops, whereupon, seeing your
+dormer window open, I gave them the slip by climbing into it, and here
+I am.  And mark you, my dear Mr. Moses, I would not so honour the
+dormer windows of all and sundry, no, rabbit me an I would.  For I am
+mighty particular as to whose hands I would accept an obligation from.
+But if a friend cannot take a benefaction from a friend, then who in
+all the world is one to take it from?  As Flaccus himself has said."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Moses, you may be sure, was mollified indeed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am sure I beg your lordship's pardon," says he.  "A thousand times
+most humbly I am sure I do.  Benjamin, put by your blunderbush; and
+withdraw the curtains across the window, sirrah, for I have seen the
+traps walking up and down the street, and peering here and there and
+everywhere this last ten minutes; yes, that I have.  Is there any
+particular in which I can serve your lordship?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes, by thunder, that you can!" says I.  "I must get away from here
+unknown as quickly as you might count ten.  The traps are still about
+in the street you say?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"See, my lord, there is one going past the window now."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As he spoke I took the precaution of drawing farther back into the
+shadow of the stairs, for it was even as he said.  The next instant Mr.
+Moses pushed the door to in my face, and as he did so, wheeled round to
+confront (as I guessed) two or three of the traps who were coming into
+the shop.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A sheeny, by the Lord!" I heard one say, in a voice so coarse that it
+set my teeth on edge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What is your pleasure, good gentlemans?" says Mr. Moses in a tone of
+incredible politeness.  "If I, a poor old clo'es-dealer as I am, can be
+of service to you, I cannot tell you how happy you will make me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, ole Father Abraham," says the foremost man, "we're on the 'eels
+of a hearl, d'ye see.  We've been a-chasing of him on the 'ouse-tops,
+we have so, and he's just a-been a-squeedgin' of himself through your
+dormer window, and he's left us in the lurch, d'ye see.  He's in your
+bed-room, you can wager, and we're a-going up to rout him out."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Is he so?" says Mr. Moses.  "God-a-mercy! is it possible?  Benjamin,
+get your blunderbush, and go and bring him down."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was so charmed with the comedy that was being played, that at some
+little risk I had opened just a small crevice in the door, in order
+that I might peer through upon the actors.  Benjamin, a youth about as
+tall as the counter, but wonderfully keen and sharp of feature, put
+himself in possession of an antiquated fire-arm, probably the most
+obsolete weapon ever handed down from early times.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Be damned to Benjamin," says the man from Bow Street, "and be damned
+to his blunderbush; we're a-going up to look ourselves."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"And wherefore, gentlemans," says Moses in a tone like silk, it was so
+soft, "should Benjamin and his blunderbush be damned?  Benjamin is a
+good boy, and his blunderbush is a good weapon.  If this earl is in my
+chamber, depend upon it one or the other shall bring him down."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No; we'll go up ourselves, ole Shylock," says the other, "for this
+hearl is so full of hell, that as likely as not he'd beat Benjamin to
+death with his own blunderbush, crikey-likey! he would so."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nay, that he would not," says Mr. Moses, "for Benjamin would blow the
+heart out of him, if he but advanced one step upon him."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Moses was evidently a master of fence, and determined as my enemies
+might show themselves, they could make nothing of his subtle, cringing
+ways.  They might have excellent reasons for overhauling the house, and
+going upstairs, as indeed they had, yet they had not the wit to enforce
+them.  For every additional argument he had a new excuse to advance,
+which at least if it contributed nothing whatever to the case in point,
+yet served to obscure the issue and to distract and confound those
+concerned in it.  It was truly remarkable how he managed to lure and
+cheat them with the most specious words that could mean nothing
+whatever; and yet at the same time, and therein lay his art, they
+listened to him and never once seemed to doubt his sincerity.  And it
+seemed too that this cunning Hebrew had something of a trump card to
+play, and this he had reserved for the last.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"An earl did ye say, sirs?" says he, with a vast air of reflection.
+"It could not have been by any chance the Earl of Tiverton?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes, by thunder," they cried together, "the man himself."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well now, I call that whimsical," says he, "seeing as how I see his
+lordship running at the top of his legs past this window not five
+minutes before you came here."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You did that," says one of my enemies, "then why in thunder couldn't
+you say so before, instead o' keepin' us argle-hargling here, you piece
+o' pork, you hedge-pig!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With a stream of oaths and vituperation they tumbled out into the
+street, whilst Mr. Moses, with his hands outspread and a cringing,
+shrugging, smiling yet deprecating aspect, looked the picture of a
+highly ingenuous bewilderment.  No sooner had they passed away in the
+hot pursuit of some phantom of myself, than Mr. Moses opened the door
+he had pushed so lately upon me, and informed me that the immediate
+danger was overpast.  He waved away the thanks I offered him, with a
+great deal of politeness, assuring me that he was more than repaid by
+the happiness he took for having been of some slight service to so fine
+a specimen of the nobility as myself.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But if there is any leetle thing in the way of pizness," says he, "I
+am the man, your lordship."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes, Mr. Moses, I have been thinking of it," says I, and indeed I had.
+"Now you see I am very tolerably attired."  I unbuttoned my riding-coat
+and threw it open to display as elegant a costume as ever I had from
+Tracy.  "Unhappily I have not a guinea in the world"&mdash;let me do Mr.
+Moses the justice of recording that in the face of this announcement he
+retained his countenance wonderfully well.&mdash;"But I will barter
+breeches, coat, waistcoat, ruffles, stockings, buckled shoes, for a
+plain drab shoddy suit, some common hose, and a pair of hob-nailed
+boots.  By this exchange I think we shall both be gratified; you on
+your side by receiving things of about twelve times the value of what
+you give away; and I on mine by obtaining a tolerable disguise to my
+condition when I start on my itinerary, for I hardly think I should
+recognize myself in such a uniform, whilst as for my mamma, dear
+sainted buckram lady! if at the end of all the journeying that is
+before me I come before the gates of Heaven in it, she will hold a
+bottle of vinegar before her fine-cut nose, and say <i>c'est un faux
+pas!</i> and get me denied the <i>entrée</i>.  She will ecod! for I would have
+you to know, my dear Mr. Moses, I am of a devilish stiff-backed family.
+Look at my grandfather.  What a majestical old gentleman it is, even as
+in his declining years he takes his ease in his pop-shop, with
+christening mugs and dirty candlesticks about him on the one hand, and
+saving your presence, Mr. Moses, a Jew dealer on the other.  But there,
+my good fellow, we will not talk about it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Moses, seeing his advantage in this proposal&mdash;indeed he was so
+excellent a fellow that had he not done so, I do not doubt he would
+still have tried to accommodate me&mdash;fully entered into this idea, and
+did his best to fish this chaste wardrobe out of the varied contents of
+his shop.  Indeed such hidden stores did it contain, that after the
+contents of divers boxes, and cupboards, and back parlours, and
+mysterious receptacles had been examined, the necessary articles were
+forthcoming, and I was shown into one of the chambers leading from the
+shop, in order to effect this change in my attire.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It would have made you laugh to see the figure I cut&mdash;my snuff-coloured
+coat and pantaloons, fitting in most places where they touched, gave me
+such a rustical appearance that an ostler or a tapster became a
+gentleman by the comparison.  The hose was rather better, however, but
+the boots were not only the thickest and clumsiest as ever I saw, but
+were much too big into the bargain.  A hat was also found for me that
+matched very well indeed with this startling change in my condition;
+and a thick, coarse brown cover-all in lieu of the smart riding-coat I
+had set out with.  Mr. Moses certainly had as good a bargain as he
+could have wished, but certainly not a better one than his merits
+deserved; whilst I had come by the most effectual disguise to my
+station, and one well calculated to mislead Sheriff's officers and Bow
+Street runners, for in all my extended experience of the tribe they
+have ever been clumsy fellows, blind of eye and thick of understanding,
+incapable of seeing beyond the noses on their faces.  With mutual
+respect and pleasure, therefore, and many pious hopes for the welfare
+of my grandfather, whom I was moved to say could not have been left in
+more worthy hands, I took my leave of Mr. Moses.  And seeing he was a
+Jew, I must say that he was the best conditioned Jew as ever I met.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I took my way very cautiously on leaving the shop of my friend the
+Hebrew.  At first I kept well in the shadow of the houses and peered
+carefully about.  My enemies, however, appeared to be still away on the
+false scent.  The twilight of the autumn afternoon was gathering in as
+I pursued my way towards little Cynthia.  She was to have met me at the
+gates of Hyde Park nearly an hour ago.  As I turned into Piccadilly
+without meeting with a sign of my enemies, for no reason whatever I was
+suddenly stabbed with the pain of a most bitter speculation.  Suppose
+my little Cynthia was not there to meet me after all!  Suppose I had
+tarried so long that, fearing I was taken, she had gone from the
+rendezvous!  Suppose something unforeseen and mysterious had befallen
+her, as such accidents occasionally do!  In a flash I realized how
+dear, how inexpressibly dear she was to me.  If aught bereft me of her
+now, she, the one friend I had, the one creature who believed in me,
+worthless ruined fellow as I was, the one person who would dare to
+stand at my side and face the sneers and the scorn of the world, life
+would indeed have no savour left in it.  I should neither have the
+heart nor the desire to continue in that which would become a burden
+and a mockery.  And in sooth so did this terrible thought take hold of
+me, that a kind of fatality came upon me.  I began to have a sense of
+foreboding, as they say one may have in a dream; I felt the blood grow
+slow and thin in my limbs; I was taken with a cold shivering; and my
+spirit flagged so low that I would have wagered a kingdom at that
+moment that some dire circumstance had happened to my love, and even
+more particularly to me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the very height of this fever of insane fears, I came to the end of
+Piccadilly, and there in the increasing gloom of the evening were the
+gates of Hyde Park.  And there too, like a sentinel on guard, so proud
+and strict she was of outline, was my little Cynthia.  She stood there
+all unconscious of the fact that the simple sight of her was enough in
+itself to reconcile a ruined man to his empty life.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap04"></a>
+CHAPTER IV
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+All the way I had come I had heightened my disguise by mouching along
+with my hat low down over my eyes, the collar of my coat turned up to
+my ears, and my hands stuck deep in my pockets.  And so effectual was
+this mode, that though Cynthia was awaiting me in fear and impatience,
+I had walked right up to her and taken her by the arm ere she knew I
+was so near.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Jack," she sobbed, "I&mdash;I am so glad.  S&mdash;something s&mdash;seemed to
+tell me that you would never return.  I was certain you were ta'en, and
+that I should never see you again, except between the iron bars of a
+prison."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I kissed her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Foolish child," says I, with dignified forgetfulness, "to entertain
+such silly fears.  Alas, you women, that you should give way to
+weaknesses of this sort!  What would you say of us men now, if we were
+so easily afflicted?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was fine the way in which I wielded my advantage, and clearly showed
+to the shrinking little creature how ill the poor weak female character
+compared with the hardy, resolute male.  But as this instance goes to
+show, I do not really think that the masculine character is so much
+sterner than the feminine; for is not its pre-eminence largely a matter
+of assumption?  A man scorns and conceals the weaknesses a woman
+flaunts and cherishes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The twilight was deepening rapidly and giving way to an evening of
+heavy clouds and rainy wind, when arm-in-arm we started to walk we knew
+not where.  We started to walk into the night and the country places,
+away from our enemies, and from those who would sever or deter us.  We
+had not the faintest idea as to the place we were bound for.  One spot
+was as good as another.  Involuntarily we turned into the park,
+although we knew not why we should.  But I suppose we felt that every
+step we took into this mysterious nowhere of our destination, we were
+leaving the law behind, and that together, friendless and resourceless,
+but ever hand-in-hand, we were beginning our lives anew.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We moved away at a brisk round pace, possessed with the thought of
+putting a long distance between us and our foes.  And in the pleasure
+of having come together again we walked lightly and easily for long
+enough, not heeding the way, nor the wind, nor the threat of the
+rainclouds and the dark evening.  We rejoiced in the exquisite sense of
+our comradeship, and in the thought that every step we took together
+was a contribution to our freedom.  We came out of the park again, and
+went on and on, past the houses of Kensington, and then past straggling
+and remoter places, the names of which I did not know.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In a surprisingly little while, as it seemed to us, sunk in the
+obsession of our companionship, we were groping in the unlit darkness
+of the country lanes, with the lights of the town we had left fading
+away behind us.  But we must have been walking considerably more than
+two hours, and at a smart pace, to judge by the distance we had made.
+It was then that I pressed Cynthia's hand and says:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Are you not tired, little one?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nay," says she, "my feet are slipping by so light, I do not know that
+I am walking.  I could journey on all night in this way."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was vastly gratified by this brave speech.  But for myself, although
+I too had no weariness, and to be sure I could not have confessed to it
+if I had, I was yet being bitten very severely by the pangs of hunger.
+All day I had taken nothing beyond a glass or two of wine.  Therefore I
+now felt a pressing need.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"At least," says I, "I hope you are hungry?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, since you mention it," says she, "I think I am."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That is well," says I, "for I am most abominably so.  I believe I
+never was so hungry in my life before; and I am sure I never had
+scantier means of appeasing it.  Only conceive of twelvepence halfpenny
+to the two of us for our board and lodging."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It now became our business to find an inn of the meaner sort, in which
+we might invest this munificent sum.  But as we had long since left the
+bricks and mortar of the town behind, a house for our entertainment was
+not so easily come by.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We walked on and on, but still no welcome inn appeared; and presently
+the lamps of the great city itself had vanished, till we were left in
+the utter darkness of the country lanes.  There was no evidence of a
+human habitation anywhere about, and we knew not where we were.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By this time both of us were tired as well as most bitterly hungry.
+Poor little Cynthia hung so heavily on my arm, that I knew fatigue had
+mastered her.  Yet so brave she was, that despite all the pains and
+difficulties she endured, she would not admit that she was weary.
+Indeed, when I asked her to confess it, says she: "Nay, not I," as
+stoutly as she would have done three hours before.  Yet when we came to
+a bank of earth beside the way, and I bade her rest upon it for a
+little while she could raise no very great objection.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I suppose two persons could never have taken their repose with more
+singular feelings than did we upon that bank of earth.  Whither we were
+going that night, and what was to become of us we did not know.  There
+was the sum of twelvepence halfpenny between us and destitution, but
+even this could not avail us in such a solitary darkness, in the
+absence of a house and human aid.  Happily the night was wonderfully
+mild, and we in our coats and stout boots were warmly clad.  Otherwise
+we might have perished where we sat.  The pains of fatigue, allied to
+the pangs of hunger, had bereft us of both the energy and the
+inclination to proceed.  We must have tarried on that bank considerably
+beyond an hour, mutually consoling one another.  For my part little
+Cynthia's courage almost reconciled me to these present circumstances,
+but you may be sure I was bitterly distressed for her.  I had admitted
+her into my care, foolishly no doubt, and because there was scarcely an
+alternative; and this was the sort of provision I had to offer.  Come
+what may, something must be done.  The child could never be left to
+suffer thus.  I must find food and a sanctuary of some sort for her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, even as I pondered on our case, hunger and weariness did their
+worst.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For some time I had known by Cynthia's failing answers and the
+heaviness with which she leant against me, that she was becoming more
+and more completely overborne.  And I'll swear so monstrous brave she
+was that never a word of complaint passed her lips, nor yet a tear
+escaped her.  And then her little head nestled up to my coat-sleeve,
+and the next moment she sighed and was dead asleep upon it.  In spite
+of her resolution, the excitements, the distresses and the pains of
+that long day had overpowered her.  Yet I dare not have her pass the
+night in this exposure on a moist bank of earth, with the night-wind
+playing on her face, and the clouds that had banked themselves over the
+moon for ever increasing and threatening to descend upon us in a
+drenching rain.  Therefore, dire as my own case was, I roused myself to
+a desperate attempt to discover a meal and a lodging for the night.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had not the heart to try to arouse the poor child, as you may
+suppose; wherefore, disturbing her as little as I could, I gathered her
+in my arms, for after all her fine spirit she was but a feather of a
+thing, and carried her before me along the lane.  It was an effort of
+despair, for the never-ending darkness revealed no glimpse of what I
+sought.  Every now and then the wind brought a spatter of the expected
+rain; but this, when it came upon my lips, carried a kind of
+refreshment in it.  I doggedly set my teeth and marched along with my
+warm burden, and I think the weight of responsibility that was in my
+arms, added to the one upon my heart, fostered a grim determination in
+me to succeed in my search at any cost.  The lanes seemed interminable,
+and every one the same.  All my limbs were one strange, numb ache; I
+had become so faint with hunger that I moved in a kind of delirium; and
+in the end every step I took became so mechanical a thing as to be an
+effort of the will without the co-operation of the senses.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Heaven knows what the hour was when one of these lanes I had been
+eternally taking all night long ended in a partly-unhinged gate.  My
+first instinct was to snatch an instant's rest upon it; but this I
+dared not do.  I could never have set my paralysed limbs in motion
+again had I done so.  Indeed it was but the presence of poor little
+Cynthia in my arms that prevented my sinking to the earth as I stood.
+But looking beyond the gate I could indistinctly define various dull
+masses that I believed to be the outline of haystacks or farm
+buildings.  Brushing through the rickety gate with an accession of new
+strength that the idea had lent me, I had not proceeded many yards in
+the stubble-field beyond ere I knew that at last I had come to a
+farmstead.  There was not a glimmer of light to be seen anywhere, nor
+could I make out in the total darkness which was the house itself.
+Approaching nearer it grew plain that these were farm buildings.
+Considering, however, my exhausted condition, the lateness of the hour,
+and the probability that the house was some distance off, I decided to
+make the best of what lay before me.  No sooner had I taken this
+resolve, than the moon, as if in recognition of it, showed itself
+suddenly for the first time that night from out of its wrack of rain
+clouds.  By its aid and the smell issuing from within I was made aware
+that I stood before the entrance to a cow-hovel.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was no door to it, therefore I was able to carry Cynthia straight
+in.  The cows in their various stalls paid us hardly any attention as I
+groped my way past them.  The place was of a somewhat considerable
+extent, and coming to the end of it, I discovered a space in the far
+corner where the clean straw was stored.  Dispersing a bundle of it
+with my feet, I deposited my poor little one very gently into the warm
+bed thereby made.  Careful as I had been not to disturb her, the change
+in her position had its effect.  She gave the same sigh with which she
+had gone to sleep, and says:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Jack, Jack, where are you?  I do believe I've been to sleep."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then go to sleep again, my prettiness," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But what is this?" says she.  "This is surely not the bank of moist
+earth in the lane I went to sleep on.  Where are we then?  What place
+is this so warm and snug?"  A rustle.  "Straw!"  A sniff.  "A cow-shed!
+Oh dear, I am&mdash;&mdash;!  Oh, could we&mdash;&mdash;! and, oh, Jack, dear, how did we
+get here?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The sound of Cynthia's voice and the knowledge that there was a roof
+for her head and a couch for her body at last, however mean they might
+be, did much to lift me out of my own sorry predicament.  Faint and
+numb as I still was, my brain seemed to have its capacity restored.
+And at least I could gauge by my own sufferings those which Cynthia
+strove so valiantly to conceal.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Are you not hungry, little one?" says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Are you?" says she.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Most damnably so," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then I am too."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Now I would have you mark that hunger is a great wit.  Cynthia sniffed
+a second time.  "Cows," says she.  "Oh, what good fortune!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But my dearest prettiness," says I, "hungry as we are I do not exactly
+see how these cows can help us.  Although to be sure I will undertake
+to knock one down and skin it, and make the fire and such like menial
+offices, if you will cut it up and cook it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Goose that you are," says Cynthia.  "You almost deserve to perish of
+your emptiness.  What about the milk?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Odslife!" cries I, "to think that I should not have thought of that.
+Ye gods and little fishes, I must go find a pot, or a pail, or a pan to
+hold it in!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The happy prospect of such sustenance endowed us both with new vigour.
+Without more ado I began groping about in this moonlit hovel to
+discover these utensils.  But it was no such easy matter.  Look where I
+might, inside the place and outside of it, amongst the straw and
+fodder, or among the cows themselves, there was devil a pail that I
+could see.  Yet so insistent was our case that we could not be put off
+by any small detail of this sort.  We were both of us thoroughly awake
+by now and fully bent on assuaging our distresses.  And Cynthia in
+particular showed her good resources.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Jack," says she, "give me your hat.  It is bigger than mine."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To be sure," says I.  "I had not thought of that.  But I will go and
+do the milking.  I do not choose that you undertake these menial
+offices, my pretty, like a common dairymaid."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am afraid you can have no choice in the matter," says Cynthia, now
+thoroughly awakened and full of importance at the prospect.  "You speak
+as though it were indeed the simplest thing in the world to milk a cow.
+'Pon my word, sir, I would vastly like to see you at that exercise.  It
+requires a mighty long apprenticeship, I would have you to know; and
+luckily I have had it during the time I have lived in Devonshire.  Were
+it to be left to you, I am thinking we should come by precious little
+else than your good intentions."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I bent my head in silence under this merited reproof.  Our resolve was
+a brave one, for in the darkness and strangeness of the place it was
+not easy to carry it out.  However, Cynthia, armed with my hat, if you
+please, was not the person to stick at trifles.  She groped her way
+among the cows in a most valiant manner, and presently, having the good
+fortune to find one with a calf by its side, her task was made lighter
+than it might have been otherwise.  I encumbered her with my
+assistance.  The assistance in question consisted in holding the hat,
+while she performed the more delicate operation.  And I could not help
+remarking that for a town miss, who in Saint James's Park or Bloomsbury
+had quite enough of airs, affectation and incapacity to pass as a
+person of the finest <i>ton</i>, she showed a degree of aptitude quite
+foreign to her quality.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is rarely done," says I, as the hat grew weightier and weightier.
+"And I protest that you astonish me.  It is as unmodish a performance
+as ever I saw.  I wish some of your friends could see you now."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Lord," says Cynthia, in great terror from beneath the udder, "I
+would not have them see me for the world.  I vow if they did I should
+die of it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I believe you would," says I; "and I believe they would also."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia had the first drink from the hat, which, being of a good, stiff
+felt quality, and being pretty commodious too, for its business as you
+know was to enclose a great brain, it made an admirable receptacle.
+But to drink from it without spilling the milk was not by any means a
+simple performance.  Great address was required, but the expert Mrs.
+Cynthia contrived it somehow.  And when she fitted her lips to the
+brim, there was never a drop that left this quaint vessel but it went
+to its right destination.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"How warm and delicious it is!" says she, after bibbing a most
+immoderate quantity.  "How refreshed I feel!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Shaking with laughter, I followed her example.  Yet the vigour with
+which I did it, combined with my clumsier masculine methods, had
+unfortunate consequences.  I choked and sputtered and turned a good
+deal down my coat ere I was able to get any satisfaction out of my
+labours.  However, when I had learned to control my impatience, and had
+found the true knack of drinking hot milk out of my own hat, it was
+almost worth enduring the pangs of so shrewd a hunger to have such an
+exquisite recompense.  One hatful did not suffice us either.  We
+returned to the cow again and again; and with such excellent
+consequences, that for the nonce, we were both strongly agreed that no
+meal of rare dishes served on silver with powdered servants behind our
+chairs had ever given us any pleasure to approach our present one.
+Indeed, so delicately satisfied did we feel within, and such a sense of
+sweet lassitude was stealing over us, as made the thoughts of our couch
+of straw a thousand times more delectable than any pillows and lavender
+sheets we had ever slept in&mdash;nay, we really marvelled that if this was
+a state of mind incident to a vagabond roving life, how any one could
+ever do aught else but adopt it?  Truly it must be the ignorance of the
+world.  People could not know of these Arcadian delights.  Who would
+trouble else to be a peer, for ever sweating and fuming in the toils of
+one's position, spending one's days in contriving fresh devices for the
+defeat of weariness and in the excitement of new appetites?  Who would
+game and drink every night in order to forget the <i>ennui</i> of the world,
+only to find day by day that instead of forgetting it, the intolerable
+oppression of it did increase?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After shaking down several bundles of sweet-smelling hay and making of
+it a rare soft bed, I was about to lie in it, when the propriety of the
+feminine character was most excellently manifested.  With a good deal
+of confusion in her voice, and I'll swear in her face too, though
+unhappily the darkness of this far corner was so great I could not
+observe it, my companion intimated her modest doubts.  It seemed we had
+not yet been through the hands of the clergyman.  Be sure that this
+marvellously bashful proper miss did not use words of this rude
+character.  In faith, I hardly think that she used words at all; and if
+she did, certainly not more than three at a time, and even they were of
+such a nature that taken by themselves they could have no meaning
+whatever.  But so evident were the poor child's modest distresses, and
+so keen her desire not to act in anywise contrary to the conventions of
+that propriety in which her sex has ever been foremost, that I nearly
+cracked a rib with my vulgar mirth.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"So be it, Mrs. Puritan," says I.  "But upon my soul more <i>bourgeois</i>
+reasons I never heard.  'Fore Gad, though, a most meritorious
+respectability."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Little Cynthia, however, was not to be smoked out of her demeanour.
+She persevered in it in the most straight-laced manner, and in the end
+I was fain to erect a barrier of hay between us, and build up a second
+couch for myself.  Thus we might at a pinch be said to occupy separate
+chambers, though to be sure the partition between us was not stout
+enough to prevent us conversing as we lay in our separate beds.  But it
+was little talk that passed between us.  We were so delightfully weary
+that it began and ended in "Good-night!"  The next minute an
+unmistakable indication came from Mrs. Cynthia's apartment, and a
+minute afterwards I was sunk in the honestest and therefore the most
+delicious sleep I had enjoyed for many a year.  I neither dreamt nor
+wandered, but just dropt into a profound insensibility which was
+continued well into the daylight of the morning.  This rare refreshment
+was destined to end in a somewhat peremptory fashion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think it must have been a kick or a blow that waked me.  For I came
+to my senses with an unnatural suddenness and a curse on my tongue.  It
+was broad day, and the misty morning sun was struggling in through
+numerous chinks in the roof and walls of the hovel.  A farmer with a
+pitchfork in his hand was standing before me.  He was almost
+inarticulate with rage.  As I opened my eyes he burst out into a
+violent Doric that I hope these pages are much too chaste to adequately
+reproduce.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well I nivver in all my born days," says he, stamping his feet, and
+then rounding his period with a most ferocious kick on my shin.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Get up, ye impident scoundrel, and I'll beat ye to purpose so I will.
+In my own barn, in broad daylight too.  O the impidence, the domned
+impidence of it!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The kick had greatly helped me to realize the state of the case.  We
+had been discovered by the owner of the cow-house, and he, with true
+British respect for the rights of property, was not unnaturally
+incensed that two persons were so calmly infringing them.  For by this
+he had discovered poor little Cynthia, whom I was able to observe
+through the frail portion of hay between us, sitting up in her bed with
+a very woeful, frightened countenance.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Whoy theer's a woman too," says the farmer.  "Well if this doan't beat
+all I ivver heard.  O you impident hussy."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My good fellow," says I, fearing lest he should deal Cynthia a kick
+also, "I am afraid you are under some misapprehension in this matter.
+Allow me to explain."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I thought it to be an occasion when the very nicest suavity of tone and
+manner was required, for the consequences were like to be uncommonly
+ruffling else.  Therefore I could not have been more careful of my
+courtesy had I been addressing my remarks to the King.  But all I got
+for my pains was the sight of a great bewilderment that suddenly ran in
+the farmer's purple face.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Whoy, a dom'd foreigner," says he.  "That makes it wuss, an hundred
+times wuss, that it do.  I'll give you foreigner, I will too.  A
+foreigner in my plaace, among my cows, lying in my hay.  Come out o' it
+and I'll break your yedd in two plazen; once for yersen, and once for
+t' little witch with the blue eyes.  How d'ye like that, Mister
+Foreigner?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Crack came the blunt end of the pitchfork at me so smartly, that it was
+only the fact that I was expecting some small manifestation of the kind
+that enabled me to get up my arm quick enough to save my head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As my attempt at a polite argument had had such an unfortunate effect
+upon him, I judged that I should best serve my skin by advancing a less
+formal sort of rejoinder, but one that might more directly appeal to
+his rustic character.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Enough of this, sir," says I, "But just lay down your pitchfork, take
+off your jacket and step outside, and you shall be the judge as to
+whether I am a foreigner, or as good an Englishman as you are yourself."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The effect upon him was excellent.  His anger melted at once at this
+proposal, so clearly was it after his own mind.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"'Tis fair speaking anyway," says he.  "I could not have spoken it
+better myself.  Come on this way, my lad, we'll soon set this matter to
+rights."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia was terribly frightened.  She clung to my arms, and refused to
+let me follow the farmer into the yard.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Much as I admire your solicitude, my prettiness," says I, "it is most
+highly inconvenient.  For do you not see that this is as much an affair
+of honour as an appointment at Lincoln's Inn Fields?  Mr. Chawbacon has
+suffered an injury at our hands, and you who milked his cow last night
+should be the last to deny it.  Wherefore should he not have the
+satisfaction that he desires?  You would not, I am sure, have me put
+off my gentility now that I cease to wear its livery.  It is the only
+reparation that I can make to Mr. Chawbacon, and if I denied it to the
+honest fellow I should cease to respect myself."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Poor little Cynthia having no substantial argument to advance against
+this&mdash;indeed how could she have?&mdash;had recourse to a flood of tears, at
+once the most natural, formidable and convincing one her sex can set
+up.  But greatly as her behaviour embarrassed me, I was committed with
+the farmer, and I have such an instinct in these matters, that
+notwithstanding Cynthia's very real distress, I could not possibly have
+backed out of my position with any shred of credit.  Therefore taking
+off my great-coat I bade the poor frightened child wrap herself in it
+up to her ears and to stay where she was, that she might neither hear
+nor observe that which was going forward.  She obeyed me in this, and
+lay sobbing softly to herself while I went forth to do battle with my
+friend the farmer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+On stepping out of the hovel into the yard I found my antagonist was
+surrounded by three or four of the farm yokels, and moreover was
+stripped to the waist.  To judge by his expression he was plainly
+animated by the highest intentions towards me, and was prepared to give
+quite as much or even more than he was likely to receive.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Now then, my lad," he says briskly, "I'm a-going to do as well by you
+as Tench did last week by the Fightin' Tinman.  Now then, Joe Barker,
+and you, Bill Blagg, come on with them there pails and moppses."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To my infinite delight I saw that the two children of the soil in
+question were bearing two buckets of water towards us with a sponge
+floating on the top of each.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"We can't have this done in due and proper form according to the
+reggerlations," says this sportsman of a farmer in an apologetic voice,
+"because you see we've got no judge, and none o' these men o' mine
+could be trusted with the dooties.  I wish Squire was here, I do so.
+We <i>could</i> have it all done proper then accordin' to the reggerlations.
+Squire was Tench's backer down Putney way last week, and knows all the
+reggerlations off by heart, does Squire.  He only lives just across the
+road, and if you'll wait a minute I'll have him fetched."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, my good man," says I hastily, "we'll have no squires if you
+please.  We can trust one another, I suppose.  Let me suggest that a
+knock-down ends the round, and that we set-to again when we feel able."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That seems fair," says the farmer.  "But I should a-liked Squire to
+ha' been here all the same, and I'm thinking he'd a-liked to ha' been
+here too.  He's the best sporting man in Surrey, is the Squire, and
+fair death on the reggerlations."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Having fixed up all the preliminaries of an encounter in this
+expeditious fashion, I proceeded to prepare for the fray.  I imitated
+the farmer's excellent example, divested myself of coat, waistcoat and
+shirt, and bound up my breeches with a leathern belt I was able to
+borrow from a flattered and delighted yokel.  It was in this negligent
+attire that I regarded my antagonist, and devoutly hoped the while that
+my little Cynthia was still sobbing among the hay in the hovel.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap05"></a>
+CHAPTER V
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+The farmer held out his hand with a grin, but quite in the approved
+manner, and I seized the occasion of shaking it briefly to run over his
+points.  He was extremely broad: a hard-looking, powerful fellow,
+apparently capable of taking a deal of punishment.  But his years were
+against him.  He was considerably on the wrong side of fifty to judge
+by his looks, and in height I had the advantage of a full four inches.
+To judge by the attitude in which he set himself, I doubted whether,
+whatever his experience of these encounters, he had much science to
+recommend him.  For myself I must confess I was hugely delighted with
+the whole thing, and entered into it with the spirit of a boy.  A match
+or a contest or a wager of any kind has ever been peculiarly acceptable
+to me.  Indeed was it not this fondness, amounting almost to a passion,
+that had so largely contributed to my present position?  I had always,
+I think, been pretty ready with my hands; had had some little practice
+in night affrays with footpads and persons of that kidney; had
+witnessed more than one set-to in the ring; whilst as for the matter of
+science, I had in my younger days taken so keen an interest in this
+invaluable art, as to put myself under the tutelage of acknowledged
+masters of it.  Therefore I was not without a certain confidence in
+myself, although there was a grim determination about the mien and air
+of the farmer that was not to be despised.  He was unmistakably game
+and full of the true fighting instinct, but his years were no friends
+of his intrepidity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Disregarding all subtleties and finesse, as well became his blunt,
+rustical, honest character, we had no sooner greeted one another and
+got our hands up, than the farmer came at me both hands pell-mell, with
+his head down, like a bull at a gate.  His onset was so fierce and
+sudden, that I was by no means prepared to receive it, and he had me at
+a decided disadvantage.  He had rained in a full dozen of short-armed
+blows, right and left, left and right at my face, at my ribs, at my
+chest, ere I could even so much as find my fighting legs, or bring into
+action any little skill that I might possess.  My long-unpractised ward
+could not prevail at all against such an onslaught.  I received
+half-parried blows on the mouth, which cut my lip and broke a tooth, on
+the right eye which partially closed it up, and a full one in the ribs.
+This last was the worst of all, as for a time it deprived me somewhat
+of my wind and made me sob to catch my breath.  And while I was meeting
+with these misfortunes, the bystanding yokels, whose sympathies were
+all on one side and that not mine, as you may suppose, were dancing
+with delight, and shrieking their hoarse encouragement.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Go it, varmer.  Give un pepper, give un snuff!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, by this I had pulled myself together somewhat, and had found a
+means of coping with this hand-over-hand style of fighting.  There was
+plenty of room to dodge in.  This I began to make use of.  Indeed it
+was the only chance I had of protecting myself, for I was quite
+incapable of standing up to the farmer's terrible blows.  But as soon
+as I could find myself sufficiently to begin dancing out of his reach,
+the game turned at once in my favour.  There was devil a bit of guile
+or finesse in the heart of my honest adversary.  The moment I gave
+ground, he pursued me, hitting the air.  Happily for me he was much too
+slow and heavy in this kind of warfare ever to get his knuckles near
+the place he desired.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In a little while his great jowl grew inflamed, the sweat poured off
+his forehead into his eyes, his breath came short and thick, and his
+hitting grew gradually weaker and less sustained.  It was not yet that
+I went in, however.  I continued to prance round and round him, there
+being plenty of room in which to do so; and at every futile blow he
+grew more unsteady.  But all this while I had a keen eye for my
+opportunity.  It was coming slowly but surely, for I was well enough
+versed in the matter to know better than to go so much as an inch to
+meet it.  I waited then with a wary patience, sometimes letting him get
+nearer than I need have done to encourage him in his course.  Not that
+this was necessary, for the old fellow was as game as any pet of the
+"fancy" that ever buffed in the ring.  But not again did I allow him to
+get his "ten commandments" home on me; I had had enough of that.  And
+at last having allowed him to spend himself entirely, I quickly
+selected the moment of my advantage, even deliberated on it to make
+quite sure, and then stiffened every muscle into trim.  I made a
+pretence of closing up with him.  This had the effect of luring him
+into another futile rush.  As he came hitting blindly, I feinted, and
+as he went past, my right went out at the most correct fraction of an
+instant, and down went the gallant farmer into the muck of his own
+barton.  The Fighting Tinker himself could not have done it more
+neatly, I'll vow.  But the old fellow was of a rare British mettle.  He
+was no sooner down than he was up again.  Apparently he was ashamed to
+be seen in such a humiliating posture.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I, for my part, had barely time to wipe away the blood that was oozing
+from my broken lip, ere the farmer was up and at me again.  But I was
+not to be caught napping a second time.  By this I was perfectly calm
+and sure of myself, for I felt that I enjoyed a command of the methods
+that were likely to bring me success.  Instead of dodging from my
+opponent on this occasion I allowed him to come right up and literally
+hurl himself on his own undoing.  For again at the exact instant I got
+a beautiful lead on to his point, and stunned as much by the unexpected
+check to his own impetus as by the blow itself, he fell flat on his
+back.  This time he lay half stunned.  He made several attempts to rise
+immediately, but was quite unable to do so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Seeing him to be somewhat the worse, his yokels ran to him, whilst I
+went too, and rendered him all the assistance that lay in my power.  He
+lay puffing and panting in the mire of the yard, half-dazed by his
+disaster, otherwise apparently not a penny the worse.  He was still
+full of fighting courage; but unfortunately he lay as weak as a child
+from the shock of the blow and the fall.  Strive as he might he was
+quite unable to rise.  His yokels of course were at a loss to know what
+to do in the circumstances, but I did what I could by propping his head
+on my knee, and dispatching one of the men to the house for some
+brandy.  And at this moment who should arrive but little Cynthia with a
+very white face indeed, and in such a quiver of distress as plainly
+said that she had witnessed the whole affair from the seclusion of the
+cowhouse.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh," says she, taking charge of the farmer at once, and sponging his
+face and his breast with the cold water, "you are neither of you
+killed, I hope.  Oh, you pair of ruffian wretches!  Have you much pain,
+poor farmer?  Lean your head on Jack, and take things gently a little.
+And do you, What's-your-name? bring his coat and put over the poor
+man's shoulders."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While these delicate attentions were going forward, my sturdy adversary
+was recovering remarkably.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I'm all right, my wench," says he.  "But I'm dom'd if I can stand up
+again, much as I should like.  Your mate's done me fair for once, and I
+can tell you he's the only man hereabouts that ivver gave Joe Headish
+his bellyful.  Dom'd if I don't go at 'im again.  Here, let be; let me
+get up."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By a sudden effort he tried to rise, but immediately fell back again in
+a still more dilapidated state.  But the arrival of the brandy did a
+good deal to restore him, and a little afterwards he was on his legs.
+Feeling himself in no condition to continue, reluctant as he was to
+admit the fact, he held out his hand, and we both subscribed to the
+articles of peace.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the time I had donned my clothes in the seclusion of the hovel, and
+had emerged forth again in all the respectability of my great-coat,
+coat, waistcoat, and shirt, the farmer was thoroughly recovered and
+talking to Cynthia in the most friendly spirit.  At my appearance, says
+he:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I don't know who you are, young man; I don't know you from Adam, that
+I don't, but I respect you.  You're of the right stuff, my lad, and
+pretty handy with your mauleys.  I ax pardon for calling you a
+foreigner.  Whatever part you come from, and whatever your occipation
+may be, dom'd if you're not as true-blood an Englishman as I am mysen.
+And I don't care who hears me say it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I thank you, sir," says I gravely.  "But I am sure the apology should
+come from me.  I on my side ask your pardon for using your cowhouse and
+using your milk in the small hours of the morning."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Don't name it," says the farmer.  "You're quite welcome to the best
+I've got.  And dom me if it comes to that you shall have it too.  You
+come along with me, and bring the little wench as well.  Purty a little
+wench as ivver I see, she is so!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I suppose it was the rudest and coarsest invitation either of us had
+ever had in our lives, but it was certainly the heartiest; and this
+I'll vow, there never was an invitation in this world more promptly and
+thankfully accepted.  Indeed at the first hint of it our hearts almost
+leapt with joy, and then a tear sparkled in Cynthia's eyes as she
+curtsied to the farmer.  It was really fine to observe the behaviour of
+the honest fellow.  There was not a spark of animosity in him.  He had
+arbitrated on the merits of the case in his own fashion, and he now
+acquiesced in the result with the same game spirit with which he had
+arrived at it.  And I am perfectly certain for my part that there was
+more wisdom in the man's instincts of justice than may at the first
+sight appear.  If all the world would recognize his as the accepted
+manner of adjudicating on its private and individual grievances, it
+would be found the best method, the one least likely to breed bad
+blood, and the one most calculated to engender a mutual respect in the
+parties concerned.  And now having delivered this superior sentiment as
+a sort of grace before meat, let us follow our good farmer to his
+dwelling with the cheerful expedition that we did on the occasion
+itself.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The excellent man, although evidently puzzled as to who we might
+be&mdash;our mode of life was certainly such as to justify his gravest
+suspicions&mdash;was at great pains to conceal any doubts of our character
+and occupation that he might entertain.  But the moment we entered the
+ample food-smelling kitchen of the farm, the ceiling hung if you please
+with hams, a rare dish of bacon frizzling before the fire, and a
+breakfast table that to our charmed eyes was almost overborne with good
+homely and appetizing things, we had to run the gauntlet of the
+farmer's wife.  She was a little, keen-featured, hard-faced woman,
+with, as we were soon to discover, the devil of a sharp tongue.  She
+ruffled her feathers as soon as she saw us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Lork-a-mercy!" says she, "I didn't know, Joseph, as 'ow you was
+a-bringing of company to breakfast."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I didn't know mysen," says Joseph complacently.  Then followed a
+moment of embarrassment.  It was plainly the good man's duty to present
+us to his wife.  She very properly expected it of him.  But as in his
+own phrase he did not know us from Adam himself, he was at a loss to
+know in what terms to represent us.  Nor did the pause that ensued help
+matters at all.  The farmer's wife had from the first, as her manner
+showed, been by no means disposed to view us favourably.  There was
+evidently something in our appearance that had caused her to take a
+strong prejudice against us.  One cannot be surprised that this was the
+case, however, seeing that we were both unwashed, and as unkempt as we
+possibly could be, whilst to add a final touch to the picture we
+presented, I was embellished with a puffy and discoloured eye, and a
+bloodied lip.  These misfortunes, when her good man had made
+appearances ten times more unfortunate by his hesitation, his wife was
+only too ready to take as a confirmation of her suspicions.  We were a
+pair of worthless persons, and Joseph was unable to account for the
+sudden impulse that had led him to bring us into that respectable
+abode.  For if we were persons of some credit, why did not Joseph say
+so at once?  His wife sniffed, and after gazing at us in a most
+disconcerting manner, was moved to say:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Joseph, I'm surprised at you.  I'll have no wicked vagabond
+play-actors here.  I've always done my best to keep this house
+respectable, and, please God, it shall always be so.  How dare you
+bring such people here?  I'll be bound you found them sleeping in your
+barn, and then, soft-hearted fool that you are, you bring them in to
+breakfast.  Oh, I know; you can't deceive me.  It is not enough then
+that they should trespass on your premises, lie on your hay, and rob
+your hen-roosts, but you must encourage 'em in it into the bargain, and
+bring them into this clean, wholesome kitchen that you know I've always
+took such a pride in."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The farmer turned as red as a cabbage.  In his heart he was bound to
+admit that every word his wife uttered was true in substance.  But he
+was a very honest fellow; and though he might feel that he was greatly
+to blame for taking a couple of vagrants so much under his wing, he was
+not the man to go back on his hospitality.  He stood by us nobly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Wife," says he, "what words be these?  If I choose to ask a lady and
+gentleman to come and sit at table with me, shall my own wife insult
+them lo their faces?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Lady and gentleman!" says the redoubtable wife.  "A pretty sort of
+lady and gentleman, ain't they?  A brazen madam with a hat on.  Oh, and
+curls too!  Lord, look at her!  If she's not a play-actress I've never
+seen one.  And what a bully of a rogue she has got with her, too.  Hath
+he not the very visnomy of a footpad?  He's lately escaped from Newgate
+Gaol, I'll take my oath on't."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There could be no doubt that this good lady was blest with a tongue of
+the sharpest kind.  Her husband was terribly put out by it.  Poor
+little Cynthia was, too.  For all her high breeding and her modish
+London insolence, which in circumstances favourable to it was wont to
+sit so charmingly upon her, she could hardly restrain her tears.  I
+suppose it is that a woman can never bear to be ridiculed, or abused,
+or put in a false position.  The poor child trembled and clung to my
+arm, while her face grew pink and white by turns.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Jack," she whispered, "do say something that will put us right.
+Tell them who we are.  I cannot bear to be spoken to like this."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You surely would not have me spoil the comedy just now?" says I.  "I
+am enjoying it vastly."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In sooth I was.  I dare say it is that I am always keenly alive to
+these odd passages in life, and that I am more prone to seize the
+whimsicality of a matter than is a person of a better gravity.  I vow
+it was finer than a play to me to witness a highly rustical farmer and
+his spouse violently quarrelling because Mr. Chawbacon had degraded his
+rural abode by bringing a duke's daughter into it.  And here was the
+storm growing shriller, the farmer redder and angrier, and poor little
+Cynthia ready to faint with the humiliation of it all.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The state of the case was not improved when the farmer turned his back
+on his wife in the middle of her invective.  And doubtless to define
+his opinion of her behaviour and to show that he was determined to
+stand by us, come what might, he very civilly asked us whether we would
+care to have some hot water from the kettle and go upstairs and perform
+our ablutions.  You may guess with what alacrity we accepted this
+invitation; indeed nothing could have better accorded with our needs
+and our wishes.  But no sooner had the farmer spoken to this tenor than
+Mistress Headish broke out shriller than before:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What can you be thinking of, Joseph Headish?" says she.  "Do you think
+I would trust two such rapscallion persons out of my sight in our clean
+upper chambers, and so many things to tempt their honesty in them, too?
+No; if they want to wash themselves, they must do it at the pump in the
+yard, as their betters have had to do often enough.  And why people
+like that, leading the vagrant, masterless life they do, should require
+to wash themselves at all, I don't know.  And as you have promised them
+a bite to eat, they shall have it, after they have washed themselves.
+But not in my nice clean kitchen.  I'll send 'em out half a loaf of
+bread and a piece of cold bacon, and a mug of my good October ale, and
+they can take it sitting on the pump, and think themselves lucky to get
+it too."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Peace, woman," says the farmer, in a voice of such dudgeon as did him
+the highest credit.  "Are you the master in this house, or am I?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To emphasize the inquiry he brought his hand down with such a force
+upon the breakfast-table as set the dishes rattling; whilst he
+indicated the answer by peremptorily bidding us follow him upstairs.
+This we were in something of a hurry to do, and we soon found ourselves
+in a spacious bed-chamber, which smelt of cleanliness to such an extent
+that, knowing how very ill our own persons must consort with it, we
+began to feel that the farmer's wife was justified of her grievances.
+That worthy shrew, having thoroughly aroused her honest husband, did
+not think fit to interpose any active resistance to his commands, but
+contented herself by staying below, and in delivering a shrill
+monologue from the foot of the stairs.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap06"></a>
+CHAPTER VI
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+We had to wait a minute for the hot water and fresh towels which our
+host had had the forethought to order for us.  These were presently
+brought by a strapping servant lass, whose ill-repressed grins proved
+that she had been a spectator of these incidents.  While we waited, the
+good man's apologies for his wife were truly comic.  He chivalrously
+made it clear to us that her defects sprang from the very excess of
+excellencies in her character.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A notable good woman," says he, while her voice continued to shrill up
+the stairs.  "A fine, honest, energetic woman&mdash;a woman in a thousand.
+Always strivin', savin', and cleanin' she is, the very model of what a
+housewife should be.  If she's got a fault, it is her over-anxiousness.
+She will look on the dark side of things; and she's that dreadful
+suspicious, all in the interest of her household, that if a stranger is
+seen with his head over the fence, she can't sleep for a week after it,
+being so certain in her mind that the hayricks are going to be fired,
+the stock taken, the farmstead broken into, and our throats cut as we
+lie in bed.  But I know you'll overlook it; she don't mean nothing by
+it, as you can see with half an eye.  She's a rare good woman as ivver
+I see; it's only her worritin' frettishness for the welfare o' the
+farm; you do understand that, don't you?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Perfectly," we said together, an assurance that relieved the good man
+mightily.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You know, what upsets her most," says he, "is that I can't put a name
+to ye.  For myself, although I came by you promiscuous like at the
+onset, I likes you and I believes in you.  I think you're the right
+sort, only a bit down in the world.  But of course she don't know that.
+She's not seen you use your ten commandments, young man; and she don't
+know what pretty little ways your nice little wife 'ave."  Cynthia
+blushed such a brilliant colour at this complimentary reference that
+the farmer paused to chuckle.  "Begs your pardon, I'm sure, my dear,"
+says he, "if I've put my big foot in it.  Not his wife.  Well, well, I
+thinks none the worse o' 'im for that, I don't; but if I was you I
+would not let the mistress know it.  Her virtue makes her that
+disagreeable sometimes as you wouldn't believe.  Now if you can give me
+a name by which I can introjuice you by, fair and square, as though you
+was friends o' mine, it'll make things easier, do you see, when we sits
+down to breakfast."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well," says I, "since you ask it of us, this lady is the Lady Cynthia
+Carew, daughter to the Duke of Salop, and you can call me the Earl of
+Tiverton."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Instead of betraying any surprise at finding us in the possession of
+dignities which, to say the least, he could not have expected us to
+enjoy, the farmer betrayed not a whit of it, but broke into a fit of
+laughter and clapped me upon the shoulder.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, if it comes to that," says he, "you can call me the Cham of
+Tartary and my old missis the Queen of Sheba."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Nor would he, in spite of the solemn assurances that I rather delighted
+to give him, be convinced of our true condition.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, my lad," says he, still laughing at the humour of it, "you may be
+pretty handy with your mauleys, and I would be the last to be denying
+that, but you're no more the pattern of a nobleman than I am.  You
+should try this game on with a greener chap than me.  You must not
+think because I'm a plain farmer that I can't recognize the real
+slap-up nobility when I meets them.  Now if you allowed yourself to be
+some sturdy vagabond that's too idle to work for his livelihood, or a
+strolling actor that is a peddling along the country with his
+puppet-show, or an incorrigible rogue that's lately out of the stocks
+for robbing hen-roosts, and was lying last night in my cowhouse to take
+more than his lodging, I wouldn't disbelieve you.  But an earl!&mdash;no,
+you've overshot the mark a bit, my lad.  Say a bart now&mdash;be satisfied
+with just a blessed bart&mdash;and we'll let it pass at that."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, rat me if I will," says I, pretending to be angry.  "I'll have my
+earldom, or I'll have nothing at all."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But surely a bart's good enough for anybody," says the farmer, fully
+entering, as he supposed, into the humour of the thing.  "Why, I
+wouldn't mind being a bart mysen.  Come, let it go at a bart, my lad.
+Yes, I'll pass you at a bart out of respect for your fisticuffs, but
+between you and me I don't think my old mis'ess will."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No," says I, "'od's blood!  I will not be a bart as you call it.  I
+will be the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John Plowden-Pleydell,
+Fifth Earl of Tiverton, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter,
+or I will be nothing at all."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Very well, then," says the farmer perfunctorily, "since that is your
+humour, we'll have it at that.  But wait till I announce your title to
+my old mis'ess, and hear what she's got to say about it.  And this
+little wench&mdash;pretty little wench, I'll allow&mdash;she's daughter to my
+lord the Duke of who?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To my lord the Duke of Salop," says I, importantly, dwelling on each
+syllable of her title for the jest's sake, "and you can call her my
+Lady Cynthia Mary Jane Carew."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Dom'd if I don't then," says he.  "And here come the clean clouts and
+the warm water.  Here, Jenny, put them down there for his lordship and
+her ladyship.  And we'll leave his lordship and her ladyship to do
+their dressing, and then they'll please condescend to honour our humble
+meal.  Now, then, my girl, off with you below; and how dare you have
+the impertinence to stand grinning there like a Cheshire cat, before my
+lord and my lady, too!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With a great guffaw for the honour of his own wit, the farmer left us
+to our much-needed toilets.  The reflections with which we made them
+would have served a philosopher of the kidney of my grandfather, for
+instance, for a monstrous fine homily on the true value of rank and
+title.  What were they worth when enclosed in a suit of homespun?  They
+required all the appurtenances with which they are hedged about in the
+public mind to be of any value whatever.  It seemed that a lord derived
+the consideration of the world from his silk stockings and the congees
+of his servants&mdash;not from any intrinsic merits within himself; and it
+was with this trite reflection that I looked in the hand-glass, and
+smiled in something of a cynical manner at the unredeemed villainy of
+the countenance that I found there.  A lively scrubbing did a little
+for it, it is true, but that could not obliterate the traces of my
+recent bout with the farmer, nor the growth of beard upon my chin, nor
+enhance the rude, ill-fitting clothes in which my friend the Jew had,
+as it seemed, so effectually disguised me.  Cynthia, however, who had
+the true feminine ingenuity in these matters, having washed her face
+and trimmed up her curls a little&mdash;Lord knows how!&mdash;contrived to make a
+very much better appearance in the role of the duke's daughter than
+ever I was like to do in that of the noble wearer of the Order of the
+Garter.  When we were sufficiently furbished to think of going down to
+that delicious meal, in which the greater part of our thoughts were
+centred, says I as we descended:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Remember now, we are under no alias whatever.  I am my lord, and you
+are my lady."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But surely," says Cynthia, who in so many ways had the true feminine
+imperviousness to the whimsicality of things, "is this not the very
+height of imprudency?  If we leave evidences behind us at every place
+at which we tarry we shall be certainly taken in three days."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Rest content," says I, "they will never inquire in out-of-the-way
+places of this sort.  In dangerous places we can still be incognito.
+But do you not see the cream of this affair is that our real names are
+the best disguises we can wish to have?  We are far less likely to be
+recognized by them than any we might adopt."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was with this conviction that we came in to breakfast, and
+confronted the farmer and his wife.  Determined to play up to my part,
+I bowed to the farmer's wife with a most sweeping air, as though she
+were a woman of the first fashion, and I made her as gracious a speech
+as I could possibly make.  There were a thousand apologies in it, and a
+great many compliments to her, her husband, her kitchen, and more
+sincerely, the hot meal we were dying to partake of.  I did it with all
+the breeding I could summon, and to see such ceremony issuing from so
+common not to say low a person, dumbfounded the good wife so
+completely, that even her powers of speech forsook her.  She blinked,
+and nodded her head, and fidgeted this way and that; and when little
+Cynthia, taking her cue from me, curtsied to her with the best grace of
+a lady-in-waiting to her most gracious Majesty, as indeed the naughty
+miss was destined to be, the poor goodwife was so taken by confusion
+that she trod on the cat, and the cat I doubt not would have knocked
+over the dish of bacon on the hearth in its fright, had not I, in
+anticipation of some such disaster, very gallantly interposed between
+them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The farmer himself, although equally at a loss to reconcile our manners
+with our appearance and presence in that place, was evidently too much
+of a lover of his joke to let the occasion pass.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, I forgot to tell you, wife," says he, "that these are a lady and
+gentleman of the first nobility.  You would run on so when they first
+came in that you gave me no chance of saying who they were.  Just tell
+the mis'ess, my lord, who your lordship and her ladyship may be, for I
+domm'd if I don't forget."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This I did with a good deal of unction, for seeing what a comic effect
+our manners had had on the good woman, our names in all probability
+would have one still more singular.  This proved to be the case, for no
+sooner had I, with much apologetic modesty for the circumstances which
+had impelled me to it, played the herald to my fair companion and
+myself, than our hostess became the victim of an even more remarkable
+nervousness, and grew as apologetic on her part as she had been
+cross-grained before.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"La," says she, "I can never forgive my husband for not having told me.
+To think you should honour us by sitting down in our humble
+farm-kitchen to our humble fare, and you should be treated so unseemly!
+But it is so like my husband not to have told me.  La, will your
+lordship have ale, or does your lordship prefer to take a little
+claret-wine of a morning?  We have it, although it is not on the table.
+Jenny, go this minute and fetch the claret-wine for his lordship."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It seemed that our hostess having got over the first shock of our
+identity, proposed to match our breeding with some of her own.  She
+began to use a high clipping tone that she evidently kept for company,
+and became so assiduous in the attentions she paid us, and so heedful
+of our wants, that we profited vastly by her credulity, if that is the
+right name to apply to it.  Her husband, however, was not so lightly to
+be imposed upon, as he was at pains to show.  At every polite effort
+put forward by his wife, he counteracted it by a wink or a cough, or a
+chuckle, or a snigger.  And he put the handles to our names in such a
+voice of banter as greatly distressed his wife, who continued to
+overpower us with her civilities.  At last, says she:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your lordship and your ladyship must really excuse my husband.  He is
+a very good honest man to be sure," here she sank her voice to a
+mysterious whisper, "but he is a little vulgar and low-bred in these
+things, although," with a still lower voice and more mystery, "I would
+not have him hear me say it for the world.  You see he is not come of
+so good a family as I am.  His folk were a little vulgar and low-bred
+too, and people said at the time that for all his farm and his prize
+heifers it was the last thing to be expected that a person like me
+would ever marry him.  Ah, well, I suppose it is always a mistake to
+marry out of one's station, although to be sure no one could have a
+kinder, better husband.  But your lordship and your ladyship follow me,
+do you not?  He almost makes me blush for his manners, that he do."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear madam," says I, "I am sure we both feel for you from the
+bottom of our hearts, and understand the occasion perfectly."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And could there have been a prettier comedy?  First we had had the
+husband apologizing for the wife, and now we had the wife apologizing
+for the husband.  Lord knows whether she allowed us to be what we were
+or not, but she certainly entertained us to a royal breakfast.  Two
+famished people never sat down to a finer meal in this world than the
+one we partook of.  And when we left our honest but wonderfully
+ill-assorted host and hostess, about nine of the clock in the morning
+to continue on our way, we were most handsomely fortified in mind and
+body.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As we passed from the farmyard and struck into the fields the sun was
+showing handsomely, and the thrushes were singing their lusty notes.
+It was as fine a spring morning as the heart could desire.  The
+virginal airs played on our faces; the birds called to one another from
+hedge to tree; the little lambs frisked among the white daisies in the
+meads, as hand-in-hand we took our way again.  We still had no clear
+idea as to whither we were going.  But we were mightily content
+wherever our way might lead.  The sense we had of our liberty was a
+something we had never tasted before.  Had we not cast off the trammels
+of the world?  We could begin life again; and be whom we chose.  We
+were a pair of unknown persons, moving among unknown people in unknown
+places.  Every hour we passed in these solitudes of nature had
+something of the glamour of romance invested in it.  For we did not
+know how our next meal would be come by, or what would be the next
+shelter for our weary heads when nightfall overtook us.  But we cared
+not.  We were in the crisp, free, open air, snuffing the sunshine, and
+trampling across a carpet of flowers over hill and dale, while the
+spring birds sang.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I think we were too desperately happy to talk much.  Cynthia was
+radiant, and as light of foot and heart as the birds that called to us
+from the green hedges.  The words of an appropriate ballad were on her
+lips:
+</p>
+
+<p class="poem">
+When Strephon wooed his Chloe dear,<br/>
+All in the springtime of the year.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+And I took the infection of her spirits also, I was sensible, ere we
+had walked a mile, of a frank, jovial, devil-may-care lightheartedness,
+not so fresh and buoyant as my little one's perhaps, since I had lived
+a little longer, had therefore had the brightness of my youth more
+overlaid with the rust of the world, and had a greater weight of
+responsibility, more particularly for her, upon my shoulders.  It was
+little I felt it, however.  For suddenly as we walked in these sweet
+fields, an idea was born in my mind that banished everything except the
+thrill of joy it brought.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My prettiness," says I, "we could not wish for a perfecter wedding
+morning."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That we could not," says she, so promptly that it struck me she had
+been expecting some such suggestion from me.  Her blushes were
+adorable, it is true, but I believe they were more a matter of instinct
+than the offspring of any particular commotion in her bosom.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Wilt marry me, pretty one," says I, "at the first church we come to,
+that hath a snug parsonage sitting in honeysuckle beside it?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ay, that I will," says she, cocking up her thin with an archness of
+invitation that was not to be denied.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I suppose it was that the adventures we had already had together had
+given us the most perfect understanding of one another.  There was a
+feeling of proprietorship between us; and had not each given up
+everything in life for the other's sake?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear," says I, feeling that a little sentiment would not come amiss
+this rare spring morning, "I hope you have realized what I have to
+offer you.  I have but my blasted reputation, my destitute condition,
+my debts, my crimes, my prostituted name.  This is all the estate that
+a very humble, constant heart is endowed with."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"They will serve," says Cynthia simply.  "If you were the wickedest man
+in England, and by your own account you are not far removed from that
+state, it would be the same.  It is not for what you be that I like
+you; it is for what I think you to be."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"If it comes to that," says I, "I don't suppose it is me at all you
+care for.  It is not myself you are in love with, nor my virtues, nor
+my vices, nor my hair, my eyes, my clothes, my understanding, nor
+anything that is mine.  You are at that romantical instant of your
+womanhood when you have fallen in love with the name of love.  If
+instead of a man I were a tame white mouse, or a bob-tailed rabbit, or
+a bull-calf you would invest me with all the pretty fancies that are
+running in your head, so that the reflection in your mind would yet be
+the one that you most wished to see.  But a truce to philosophy, let us
+to church."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia was so evidently of my mind in this last particular that she
+laughed, and resumed the singing of her ballad, as we strode out the
+brisker for our intercourse.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap07"></a>
+CHAPTER VII
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE
+LEARNING IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS.
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+As we took our way through the grass of a most charming flower-coated
+country, there was a kind of rivalry between us as to who should be the
+first to spy a church.  The honour of doing so had not fallen to either
+of us, when Cynthia suddenly darted from the path to pick some white
+violets out of a hedge.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why," says she, in the delight of finding them, "we will make
+ourselves a posy apiece to carry with us to church, as it is our
+wedding morning.  Oh, look at the marsh-marigolds at the side of the
+brook there!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She gave me the violets to hold, with some injunction as to the correct
+manner of holding them, for my handling of them was much too crude to
+please her, and ran away again to fetch the pretty yellow flowers.  All
+sorts of things she gathered for our nosegays, lady-smocks all silver
+white from the meadow, and daisies pied and violets blue, cowslips and
+even a blue-bell.  Nothing would content her but that we should make
+them up into posies there and then; which we did, and bound them round
+with grasses.  But hardly had we finished this pastoral employment and
+continued on our way, when we became the victims of a singular
+diversion.  We passed out of one meadow over a stile into another of a
+similar kind.  But in the second a few cows were browsing.  To these we
+paid no heed, but walked jauntily enough through the pasture,
+apprehending no danger; but by the time we had come perhaps to the
+middle of the field we were startled by a commotion behind us.  Turning
+round to discover whence it arose, we were horrified to find what the
+source of it was.  A young bull with its head grounded and its tail in
+the air was charging down upon us.  A single exclamation and a
+frightened instant of hesitation in which to take our bearings, and
+evolve a mode of escape, was all we had time for.  The bull was coming
+so furiously that it was almost upon us, yet we were stranded full in
+the middle of the field, with no chance whatever of taking refuge in
+flight.  But happily my eye lit on a tree, a sturdy young sapling a
+yard or two off.  Thither I pushed the terrified Cynthia, and literally
+lifted her into one of the lower branches, whilst she, with an
+admirable conception of the case and how to act in it, scrambled with a
+mighty rending of her garments into the boughs above.  I clambered
+after her madly, not a second too soon.  The vigorous snorting young
+bull crashed his horns against the tree with great force.  He was so
+near to my leg that I instinctively felt it to be gashed wide open;
+whilst such a mighty shake did its impact give to our place of refuge
+that it was indeed a mercy we were not both of us thrown on to the
+ground to be gored and trampled on.  But despite our fright we were
+able to cling to the branches; and when at last I was able to get a
+glimpse of my leg, I found to my relief that I had been the victim of
+my imagination.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The bellowing beast made divers onslaughts against the bark of the
+tree, whilst we very fearfully hurried up higher and higher, dreading
+at each stroke of our enemy to feel ourselves flying through the air.
+Providentially, however, by clinging with rare tenacity to our vantage
+place we were able to maintain ourselves in the security of the highest
+branches of all.  And presently our adversary having wreaked a good
+deal of his fury on the offending tree, desisted from an occupation
+that brought him so little profit, and having walked off a yard or two,
+proceeded to regard us morosely.  He seemed prepared to stay in that
+employment too for an indefinite period.  But feeling our position,
+snug as it was and safe for the time being, to be yet highly
+precarious, since the very boughs on which we sat swayed and cracked
+and creaked in a truly alarming fashion, I determined to play a coup,
+ere any melancholy thing should happen which would put it out of my
+power to play one.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Divesting myself with much difficulty of my cloak, although Cynthia
+rather audaciously, considering her own position at the time, lent me a
+hand, I committed that garment to her charge, and proceeded to select
+the most favourable moment for a speedy flight to the nearest hedge.
+Keeping perfectly motionless in our unhappy posture, we presently
+contrived to lull the unsuspecting bull into a state of quiescence
+which I am sure he would have been the first to admit, had he but
+known, the circumstances hardly warranted.  For suddenly taking an
+advantage of his sleeping vigilance, I made a leap off the tree as far
+as possible from the spot on which he stood watching.  It was then a
+case of run devil, run baker.  I'm sure no poor devil ever ran more
+fleetly than I did then; whilst I am equally sure that there never was
+a baker in this world that ran more swiftly than that roaring,
+rampageous bullock.  Luckily for my precious bones I had a fair good
+start of the fellow, and the distance to the hedge was less than a
+hundred yards.  Had it been otherwise this history had never been
+written else, for not for a moment do I think Cynthia would ever have
+troubled to write it; nor between ourselves, do I think she would ever
+have been capable of doing so, even had her ambition jumped in that
+direction.  Running pell-mell, my heart beating holes in my ribs, and
+the clear tones of Mrs. Cynthia issuing from the topmost branches of
+the tree in words of lusty encouragement such as: "Bravo, lad, bravo!
+Mightily done!" I panted to the hedge with the bull ever at my heels,
+and had just the strength to take a second leap at the green brambles,
+and half jump, half scramble through their tenacious barriers, and so
+into the neighbouring field, while the bull, foiled for the second
+time, raged and vented his disappointment from the other side.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meanwhile little Cynthia, with a delightful intrepidity, also took
+advantage of our enemy.  While Mr. Bull continued to thrust his head at
+the hedge in his mighty rage, and roared forth his threats,
+high-couraged little Cynthia, if you please, very simply and
+dexterously dropped down my cloak out of the tree, neatly dropped down
+after it, and then with the most gallant coolness gathered herself up
+again, the cloak too, and even stayed to recover our late discarded
+posies, which the bull had evidently thought too mean to be worthy of
+his regard.  With these articles tucked away in one hand, she gathered
+her skirts in the other, and away scudded her dainty ankles through the
+grass to the opposite fence.  All this time the bull, foiled and
+nonplussed as he was, continued to fume and rush at the fence that kept
+him from me, but never for an instant did he guess that Cynthia was in
+the act of cheating him too.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Convinced by this that my little one had made good her escape, I could
+not restrain my joy.  I began to jump and clap my hands, and bellow out
+hearty encouragements and applause to her across the field.  This
+behaviour so surprised the bull, that he whisked angrily round to
+discover the cause of it.  He beheld Cynthia in the very height of her
+rapid victorious transit.  Away he dashed, head down, in pursuit of
+her, but she was much too well advanced in her flight to have any fear
+of him whatever.  By the time he had come level with the tree, Cynthia
+was calmly climbing into security over the stile; and when the
+outwitted animal rushed up and thrust his nose over it, she tauntingly,
+if a trifle vain-gloriously, shook the cloak and the posies at him.
+Never, I think, did I see an act more neatly or more bravely performed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When we came presently together again in the middle of an adjoining
+field, a sort of half-way house from where the bull had respectively
+left us, we were both in high feather and mightily pleased with
+ourselves and one another.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I declare," says I, "that hunting the fox becomes a tame and foolish
+sport by comparison.  In all my amusements, from cards to
+cudgel-playing, I was never furnished, I'll swear, with so entertaining
+an episode.  Besides, I am vastly proud of your conduct this morning,
+my prettiness.  Come, let us waste not a moment; I am dying to get
+married at once."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The deep crimson in Cynthia's cheeks, that her late eminent exertions
+had induced, lent her even more of an adorable appearance than even I
+had ever observed in her.  And when she tossed me my cloak, and gravely
+gave one of the posies into my hands, I think I never saw the eyes of a
+woman beam with such mirth and high spirits.  Flushed and breathless as
+we were, no two human persons could possibly have been happier.
+Already our haphazard, vagrant life had proved the antidote of that
+weariness of the world, that fatigue of mind and body, the chains of
+polite life had induced.  Already we had come to take a fraternal
+pride, as it were, in one another.  We no longer had to apprehend how
+we should get through the day without perishing of weariness, but
+rather how to pass it without perishing of hunger and violence.  And we
+were revealing such unexpected qualities to ourselves and each other in
+overcoming these calamities that we were falling in love anew with our
+own heroic attributes, and were already prepared to vow to one another
+that we were a monstrous well-assorted pair.  Indeed, the foolish bull
+had given us such a fine conceit of ourselves, that on the score of the
+hour of high-wrought happiness he brought us, he must, I am sure, be
+allowed after all to be our friend.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A good deal of walking through the blossoming fields brought us at last
+on to a good broad highway, and a little later having climbed up a
+hill, we saw from the top of it the thing we were seeking.  A village
+nestled below, and very properly the tallest roof among the collection
+that clustered there together, and by far the most imposing object of
+them all, was a sweet little country church, grey with age, surrounded
+by a low stone wall whose crannies were filled with moss.  Approaching
+it we were overjoyed to find that a pretty little parsonage stood
+beside it, which in every particular matched the quaint and venerable
+appearance of the church itself.  But no sooner had we come to the
+latticed gate of the parson's house than our pleasure fled suddenly
+away.  We had been bold enough in the contemplation of the deed, and
+had even been disposed to treat it airily.  Yet when our fingers fell
+on the parson's latch, we were suddenly confronted with its magnitude.
+We were going to be married!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Now although I had started from town not twelve hours before as cynical
+and desperate a character as any to be found, the humane influences
+that had been brought to bear upon me, even in that short period, had
+not been without their effect.  I began to see things in their true
+relation once again, and even to be sensible of feelings I had so long
+outlived that I almost forgot that I had ever known them.  For
+instance, the emotion of timidity that overtook me at the parson's
+gate, I could have sworn I had never met with before in my life.  The
+uncomfortable sense of the bashful business to follow caused me to
+falter with my hand still at the latch, and to parley with Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think you had better go first, my prettiness," says I seductively,
+"I don't doubt that you will make a better hand of it than I, and you
+will have a better knowledge of how to talk to the parson.  I am so
+devilish unused to talking to parsons, d'ye see."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, yes, I quite see that," says Cynthia significantly, "and I also
+see that you are afraid."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I dare say you might have shot wider of the truth," says I.  "It is
+the first time I have been called on to smell this kind of powder, and
+burn me! if ever I want to be called on again."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I hope you won't be," says Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She herself, I must confess, was as cool as a cucumber.  Her colour was
+a little high perhaps, and the animation in her eyes was, I think, more
+than usually fine.  But take her altogether, she seemed to have all the
+calmness and assurance of an old campaigner, whilst I was wincing and
+starting like a raw recruit.  They say that all women are alike in
+this.  They go to church as complacently as they go to Ranelagh, and
+take as keen an enjoyment from the reading of the marriage service as
+they do in the performance of the Italian dancers at the theatre in
+Covent Garden.  And it is said again that never a man of us all,
+whatever his years, disposition and ideas, comes to this ceremony but
+what he is beset with those same qualms that fastened upon me so
+unexpectedly at the parson's gate.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When we walked up the pretty garden and came to the door of the
+parson's house, it was Cynthia who unhesitatingly knocked upon it.  But
+the operation had to be repeated ere it was replied to.  And when at
+last the door was drawn back from within we were confronted by a stout,
+red-faced woman in a gown of printed calico.  Her sleeves were rolled
+up above the elbow, her cap and apron were awry, and there was a look
+of industrious ill-temper about her that contributed nothing to our
+encouragement.  She stuck her hands on her hips, filled the whole of
+the doorway with her defiant presence, very like the dragon in the
+fable that barred the way to the princess in the enchanted palace, and
+surveyed us in a grimly critical fashion from top to toe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Is the parson at home?" says the audacious Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"He be!" says the woman in a loud, harsh voice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"We wish to see him then, if you please," says Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What might your business be?" says the woman, looking us all over with
+a really disconcerting keenness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think we must explain that to the parson himself," says Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then I think you will not then," says the woman, mighty uncivilly.
+"I've formed my own opinion of you.  You shall not see the master, not
+if I know it.  He's got such a character for softness of heart all
+about the countryside that you vagrant beggars come for miles to get
+what you can out of him.  It's mortal lucky he's got me to look after
+him, or he would have given away the shirt off his back this many a
+year ago."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was impossible to deny that the good woman's estimate of our station
+and business was shrewd enough.  We were certainly a pair of vagrants,
+if ever there was a pair in the world, and were certainly come to get
+something of the parson that we had no means of requiting him for.  And
+I am sure neither of us, singly or together, would have stood a chance
+of melting that adamantine bosom, since everything we said seemed more
+clearly to reveal our humble not to say destitute condition; indeed we
+had come to the point where this clergyman's uncompromising guardian
+was about to bang the door in our faces, when the parson himself made a
+very welcome intervention.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He came shuffling along the path from some remote part of the vicarage
+garden, in a pair of old down-trodden carpet slippers, wearing over an
+old-fashioned wig a beaver grotesquely battered and green with age.
+His cassock hung in tatters at his heels, and he made about as unkempt
+and disreputable a figure of a clergyman as it was possible to
+conceive.  Besides, he was a very small and insignificant rat of a
+fellow, and had a strange odd way of peering through his horn
+spectacles.  But the moment he began to speak such a pleasant twinkle
+of courtesy came into his ugly countenance&mdash;by itself it was plain to
+the point of ugliness, although to this day Cynthia will never allow it
+to be so&mdash;and his voice was so wondrous musical, that straightway we
+forgot that he had such a singular appearance, and fell in love with
+him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A very good morning to you," says he.  "I hope you are drinking in
+this golden morning that God hath sent us.  Hey, what a thing it is to
+be a human being!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As he came up and observed Cynthia more closely, he, bowed with a
+wonderful grave dignity, and took off his hat with a flourish that
+became him most inimitably well.  Such courtesy from an appearance so
+discourteous never was seen.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"La, master, what be you at?" says the woman, highly scandalized by so
+polite a demeanour.  "Do you not see these are an arrant pair of
+vagrant beggars?  I must get you more artful spectacles if you will
+stay so close at your book-reading."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Peace, my good Blodgett," says the parson.  "Do you think I do not
+know breeding when I see it?  It is a rare possession that nothing can
+disguise.  There is sensibility here, in this fair countenance, and
+pride and candour, and the features are almost highly classical in
+their outline.  A little too full in the lips perhaps, yes, I think a
+little too full, or this would have been the countenance of Minerva
+with the animation of Diana in it.  I must remind you again, my good
+Blodgett, that appearances are apt to deceive; <i>non semper ea sunt quæ
+videntur</i>, as the excellent Phædrus has so wisely said.  You will do me
+the honour, I hope, my dear young lady, of entering my house and
+partaking of a glass of my gooseberry-wine and of eating a piece of
+Banbury cake.  And you, sir, also, I hope and trust; although in your
+case the credentials you bear in your countenance are nothing like so
+noteworthy.  But as Plautus very pertinently asks, <i>non soles respicere
+te</i>, to look at oneself ere one abuses another, the less said the
+sooner we shall mend it, <i>tulum silentii præmium</i>.  Come this way, I
+beg you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+During this peroration poor Blodgett wrung her hands and shook her
+head, and kept repeating some such mystical phrase as:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"He is off at the top again!  He is off at the top again!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, this strange old parson, all unconscious of the distress of
+mind he was occasioning his handmaid or housekeeper, or whatever she
+might call herself, flowed on and on in his extraordinary monologue,
+and led us indoors into a spacious room full of a remarkable disorder
+of books, which doubtless composed his library.  Books open and shut,
+piled up and overlaid, were on the table, and under the table, on the
+chairs, and on the floor.  Any square inch of space wherein a book
+might insinuate itself, there was a book to be found.  Dusty,
+black-letter, grimy Aldine, foxed Elzevir, any folio, quarto, or
+octavo, providing it was old enough and dirty enough, was assembled
+there.  Those that lay open seemed to be annotated and scored under,
+and embellished with marginal notes in a delicate minute handwriting,
+on every page.  And among all these tomes there was never a one that
+was in a new dress, or done in a reasonable easy print, nor one written
+by a reasonably modern author.  To observe the <i>Paradise Lost</i>, with
+the imprint of Jacob Tonson upon it, was to be startled with that sense
+of gratified surprise that one would experience at unexpectedly meeting
+with a personal friend in a foreign country.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The parson was an odd match to his books.  His conversation was as
+musty, learned and interminable as themselves.  He talked of all topics
+but those that could have been of the least interest to anybody.  He
+never thought to ask who we were, or what business had brought us
+thither, but having lured us into his library, he very vigorously began
+to engage us with matters at least a thousand years old.  We were very
+polite at first, and nodded our heads in deep interest at the mention
+of the first Punic war, and kept saying, "Ah, to be sure!" and
+inserting "yes" and "oh yes" whenever we found half a chance to get in
+so much in the middle of some animadversions he thought fit to make on
+the behaviour of the Carthaginians generally.  But when proceeding to
+move with an air of great mystery and consequence to topics of the most
+inconsequent character, and presently to prove to us that in his
+opinion the battle of Cannæ, or it may have been Marathon, or the siege
+of Troy for aught we knew or cared, was not so important and decisive
+an affair as the historians of these times had represented, our
+observance of a polite interest showed signs of giving out.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We might shuffle, however, and shift our stations, and cough, and take
+our weight off our right leg and lean it on our left, but it never made
+one bit of difference to this terrible monologue.  The old parson, with
+his eyes half closed and his hands spread forth, poured out the finest
+prose in his mellifluous voice, with every period rounded to such a
+perfection that had he been a historian and his speech a printed page
+the world could never have sufficiently admired his attainments.  And
+every emphasis and quantity seemed so indubitably exact in the
+classical tongues he so freely quoted, as must have made him the envy
+of pedagogues and the paragon among them all.  And all this time we
+were striving to maintain our well-bred interest as best we might, and
+inwardly cursed Rome and Greece and the whole race of poets, historians
+and soldiers that ever sprang from them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+His mind was filled with a vast deal of knowledge of a recondite sort.
+It could have been of no possible service to anybody, least of all to
+himself.  Yet he moved lightly and easily from one antediluvian topic
+to others more antediluvian still.  He was armed with a great array of
+theories of no moment at all, and a matchless sheaf of facts that
+proved and disproved and proved them over again.  How weary we became!
+How we fidgeted and looked at one another in our despair, for he grew
+more minute as he proceeded, and called up, extempore, authority upon
+authority to show that Lais was a woman of virtue, and that Virgil did
+not write his own works.  He split straws with Aristotle, and picked
+holes in his Ethics.  He said that Cicero was a windbag, and that Plato
+was a dunce.  He said that Herodotus was loose in his facts, and no
+more worthy of credence than Plutarch, and that Plutarch was not a whit
+better than Herodotus neither.  He said that Homer was the biggest
+impostor in history.  He had nothing to do with the <i>Iliad</i>, whilst as
+for the <i>Odyssey</i>, he had long come at the truth that it was by a
+female hand, most probably one of the Hesperides, though to be sure he
+had not quite satisfied himself as to which, just as the plays of the
+poet Shakespeare would one day be allowed to be the handiwork of Lord
+Bacon, the eminent lawyer and philosopher; and again, as the world,
+purblind as it was, would one day discover that Mr. Fielding's
+so-called novel of <i>Joseph Andrews</i> had sprung from the fertile brain
+of Mr. Colley Gibber.  Indeed I was so fearful lest he should take
+steps to disprove my grandfather's claims to have produced his
+celebrated Commentary on the <i>Analects of Confucius</i>, that I became
+quite desperate, and determined to put a stop to the unceasing current
+of his talk, even at the risk of making a hole in my good manners.
+Having reached a point in his discourse wherein he showed that Cæsar
+did not cross the Rubicon, I slapped my hand on the table with a vigour
+that knocked down half-a-score of tomes and startled everything and
+everybody but the speaker himself; and, says I, at the top of my
+heartiest voice:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I quite agree with you there, sir; I do indeed."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I presume, sir," says the parson, "you know the authorities there are
+against us, and what adversaries of weight, Cæsar himself, Suetonius,
+and Plutarch, to name only three, that we have to face."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I care not if there are three thousand," says I valiantly, "in this
+matter I am entirely of your mind."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The parson, whose simplicity was as great as his learning, grasped my
+hand with the utmost fervour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear sir," says he, "I can never sufficiently extol your spirit.
+It is excellently said, sir, excellently said.  Would that there were
+more persons like you in the world.  I can but offer you some
+gooseberry-wine and a piece of Banbury cake, but I am sure you are very
+welcome.  I do declare that Blodgett has forgotten them; I will go and
+see about them myself."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last in the very height of our sufferings we obtained in this truly
+unexpected, not to say whimsical fashion, a brief instant of relief.
+It was plain that this learned wight was possessed of a mind of the
+most singular simplicity and inconsequence.  Everything that was told
+him he took for gospel.  He had the faith of a child.  Everything that
+had the least interest for himself he felt that all men were
+languishing to hear of.  With him evidently to think was to act; he was
+the slave of his own whims; no sooner did he mention a thing than he
+went straightway and performed it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The prospects of being united in the bonds of wedlock by so
+extraordinary a gentleman were indeed remote; but armed with the
+knowledge of his character we had already gained, we concluded that if
+we beat about the bush at all, he would be quite content for his own
+part to detain us a "month of Sundays" in his library, while he
+unfolded his facts and propounded his theories.  On his own initiative
+he would not be in the least likely to surrender a single moment to our
+affairs.  We must be bold and decisive, and grapple firmly with him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Therefore when the good parson returned, preceding the umbrageous
+Blodgett, who bore the Banbury cakes and the gooseberry-wine on a tray,
+before he had the chance to open his mouth to take up his discourse,
+says I, in a truly dramatic manner:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"If it pleases you, sir, we are here, this lady and I, to ask you to
+marry us."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Marry you," says he, without a moment's reflection.  "I shall be
+delighted.  Blodgett, have the goodness to set down the tray on the top
+of the <i>De Imitatione</i> there and go and find the clerk, and tell him to
+open the church.  And tut, tut! my good woman, how often must I beseech
+you not to dust my books with your sacrilegious apron."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While Mrs. Blodgett flounced out to find the clerk, and the good parson
+in the height of his courtesy poured out the gooseberry-wine and served
+us with it, Cynthia and I fell to talking at the top of our voices
+about nothing at all, since we were certain that as soon as the parson
+got an opportunity he would furnish us with a criticism of Strabo's
+geographies, which, however damaging to that worthy ancient, would be
+even more so to us; or prove that it was a vulgar error to speak of
+Castor as the twin of Pollux; and proceed to demonstrate that Achilles
+was vulnerable in other places than his heel.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap08"></a>
+CHAPTER VIII
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE GET US TO CHURCH
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+By the time the parson had served us solemnly with our refection, I
+deemed it proper to give him some relation of our circumstances.  I was
+emboldened to do so because his simple, honest character made him easy
+to talk to; it was also essential that he should be let some little way
+into the state of our affairs, since we had but the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny with which to requite him for his services and to vail the
+clerk.  And again I talked to him the more readily because while he was
+engaged with these matters, he was not so likely to revert to those
+that concerned us less.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He received the confessions of our bankrupt condition with a breadth of
+generosity that was truly noble in its magnitude.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am grieved that you should have thought fit to name that matter,"
+says he.  "What a world it is for pounds, shillings, and pence, to be
+sure!  One cannot come into it, nor go out of it, nor even enter into a
+highly natural and commendable contract for its advantage, but what
+somebody has to be feed.  And I blush to say that that somebody is
+generally some old rogue of a parson; but I hope, sir, you agree with
+Tully when he says&mdash;&mdash;"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes, sir," says I hastily, "I quite agree with Tully, I have ever been
+of Tully's opinion.  And, sir, let me say that we are overcome with
+your generosity.  But there is yet another matter that irks us; we have
+no ring by which we can be wed into matrimony."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"An even more trivial thing," says the parson, "the good Blodgett,
+honest widow that she is, shall lend you hers."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was bravely resolved of the parson, but I dare swear we both
+shuddered at the same instant, when we conceived of the courage
+required to put it into practice.  To think of us "vagrant beggars"
+summoning that redoubtable dragon to deliver up her marriage ring!  It
+would be perilously like commanding an ogre to cut off his own head.
+I'll vow that Cynthia trembled a little; whilst she goes even farther
+and says I grew as pale as death.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Do you think, sir," said Cynthia fearfully, "that good Mrs. Blodgett
+will be so kind?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"She will be delighted, my dear madam," says the parson.  "She will be
+delighted!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were still wrestling with our honest doubts on the score of Mrs.
+Blodgett's delight, when lo and behold! that formidable fair burst into
+the room, redder in the face than ever, for she was out of breath.  She
+had seen the clerk, and he had gone that minute to open the door of the
+church.  And she conveyed this piece of news in such a brisk and
+important tone as seemed a good deal out of keeping with her severity
+of character.  She had an air of interest which we had certainly not
+expected her to betray in our humble affairs.  And when the parson
+without a word of preface had the audacity to prefer his proposal in
+regard to the ring she bore on her finger, an audacity that caused us
+both to hold our breaths, since we were fully persuaded that Blodgett
+would at least break into a most violent diatribe against the impudence
+of some people, drawing an affecting parallel with the late departed
+saint whose relict she was, and how wild horses should not tear her and
+this venerable sanctified token of their marital harmony apart, to our
+surprise her reply was mercifully brief.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Humph!" says she.  Having glanced at us for a very embarrassing
+period, during which time a good deal of perplexity distorted her harsh
+features, says she: "Well, I never did!  Is it a runaway?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You can take it at that," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A very singular change was being wrought in this stern matron.  Where
+is the female bosom that can resist a wedding, or a touch of the
+romantical?  Not even that of the Spartan Blodgett.  The more she
+pondered the matter in hand the less terrible she became.  She began to
+ask a dozen questions of us in a greatly mollified voice.  Nay, the
+tone she used to Cynthia might even be called indulgent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well," says she, "seeing as how it is an emergency, you shall have my
+ring this once, but it goes against my conscience, I am sure.  You are
+doing a very wicked thing, young woman.  To think of a little chit like
+you running away to get married!  I am sure I ought not to countenance
+it.  Oh, what will your mother say?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I have not a mother," says Cynthia, putting her hands to her eyes, and
+smiling at me through her fingers.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This admission seemed considerably to ease the mind of Mrs. Blodgett,
+and forthwith she began wrestling with the wedding-ring on her fat
+finger.  In the meantime her master was very fortunately engrossed in
+another matter, and we were therefore spared his comments.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It seemed that Blodgett had brought him that day's <i>London Gazette</i>,
+which had been left by the coach at the village alehouse.  It was the
+newspaper that claimed the parson's attention while his housekeeper
+struggled with her wedding-ring.  I vow it was as whimsical a sight as
+ever was seen to witness the good lady growing redder and redder in her
+face, and puffing, grunting, and twisting her countenance into the most
+fantastical shapes, while she freely "dratted the thing," and called
+down a murrain upon it.  But strive as she might, the precious ring
+still clung faithfully to her finger.  Presently Cynthia was fain to
+take a hand at hauling it off, but she fared not a whit better than
+Mrs. Blodgett.  Whereon I was called on, and after several very natural
+and becoming protestations on my part as to my inability and so forth,
+even I was pressed into the service.  I tugged and hauled away with
+what gravity I might, but never an inch would that wretched ring budge.
+In the height of this deadlock, I was seized with a brilliant expedient.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"One of the rings round the curtain-pole," says I.  "Surely one of them
+will do most admirably well, and at least there will be no difficulty
+about getting it off, nor on neither."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Now when I proffered this suggestion Mrs. Cynthia blushed such a colour
+and looked so ill at ease, that I half began to doubt whether this idea
+was so fine after all.  And indeed, Blodgett took me up warmly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Wedded in a curtain-ring indeed!" says she.  "I'facks, that she never
+shall be.  Who ever heard of such a thing!  Has the man no decency!
+Rather than that, my dear, I will run to neighbour Hodge's and borrow
+hers.  As she's a thin body it should slip off easy."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There and then the scandalized Blodgett was as good as her word.
+Favouring me with a glance of such scorn and contempt that a person
+more impressionable would have been rooted to the spot, she flounced
+out of the room all in a moment, and directly afterwards passed by the
+library window, running quite excitedly down the garden path.  Surely a
+whole chapter of dissertation might be written on the metamorphosis of
+Mrs. Blodgett.  From openly deriding Cynthia she had passed to an
+almost motherly tenderness towards her.  She had become as concerned
+for her as though she had been her own daughter.  She was no longer
+"wench," or "vagrant beggar," nay nor even "young woman," but just "my
+dear."  And why was this?  Do you think it was because she had suddenly
+lighted on some latent virtues in my little madam, some strain of moral
+loveliness, some unexpected beauty in her mind and heart?  I am sure I
+crave the pardon of her ladyship, but it was devil a one of these
+things that had such a magic effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  It was simply
+that she had run away to get married, and that this was her wedding
+morning.  Oh, woman, woman! where is the daughter among you that can
+resist the blandishments of Hymen?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While this was going forward, and we were congratulating ourselves in
+secret on the most fortunate course this portentous affair was like to
+take, an incident happened that shook me dreadfully, and recalled to my
+mind much more sharply than I cared, the kind of fortune I was about to
+endow my bride with.  For the time being I had forgotten the colour of
+my reputation, the character of my past, and my black prospects for the
+future, in the cheerful topsy-turvy madness of the last twelve hours.
+But now all of a sudden, in the least expected fashion, I was reminded
+as to who I was, and what I was.  The parson, who all the time had been
+deeply involved in his news-sheet, suddenly cast it down, uttered a
+loud exclamation, and with tears in his honest eyes began striding down
+in his agitation, and knocked down many an unoffending book.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"<i>O tempera!  O mores!</i>" says he, "In what degenerate days do we live!
+To think that this should be the grandson of such a grandsire!  No; I
+cannot believe it of him; nay, I will not believe it of him."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You may guess that as there was a grandfather in the case I pricked up
+my ears at once, and on looking at the newspaper saw that which
+confirmed my premonition.  There was a paragraph in the column of
+"Newest Intelligence" that ran in this wise:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"On Tuesday evening in the near neighbourhood of divers well-known
+coffee-and-chocolate-houses in Saint James's Street, Piccadilly, was
+found the body of Mr. Richard Burdock, of His Majesty's 4th Regiment of
+Horse Guards.  The unfortunate gentleman had been done to death by a
+sword-wound in the upper part of the chest.  Precisely in what manner
+the deceased came by his end is not at present known, but we are
+informed that on the following day an information was laid against the
+Earl of Tiverton, a nobleman whose name has been most unhappily
+notorious of late.  A warrant was at once procured for the arrest of
+Lord Tiverton, and on an attempt being made to put it in force at his
+lordship's residence later in the day, a most desperate struggle
+ensued, and his lordship with the assistance of his household succeeded
+in effecting, for the time being, his escape.  We learn, however, that
+the celebrated Mr. John Jeremy of Bow Street has the matter in hand;
+that Mr. Jeremy with his world-famed acumen is in possession of a clue
+as to Lord Tiverton's whereabouts; that Mr. Jeremy is already actively
+following up the same, and that presently an event may transpire that
+shall set all the town by the ears."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I directed Cynthia's attention to this account, and she was so startled
+by it that she changed colour, and offered so many visible evidences of
+her distress, that I feared she would have excited the suspicions of
+the parson, yet after all that must have been an impossible feat, for I
+am sure the honest parson was a man so utterly without guile, that he
+was incapable of harbouring any sort of suspicion against a
+fellow-creature.  Besides he was still fully occupied in lamenting the
+low repute into which our name had fallen, with a grief so genuine that
+I did not know whether to be touched or amused by it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, I could not pay much heed to the parson at that minute, being
+deeply concerned for little Cynthia.  I began to fear that I had done
+an ill-considered thing in allowing her to see the news-sheet.  I had
+never tried to find out how far she was acquainted with my history of
+the past few years&mdash;my gaming, duels, intrigues and debts.  That she
+must have known of it to some extent was certain.  She had heard of
+them from my own lips in a haphazard sort of way; and again, they were
+too well known to be suppressed, as witness the conduct of her father
+in the matter of my suit.  At his hands, and those of my friends, and
+of my rival too, they would certainly lose nothing of their magnitude.
+Whatever she had heard of me, she had been able to condone.  But now
+confronted with a more circumstantial charge against me, clothed in all
+the authority of black and white, a charge of the most terrible
+character that can be preferred against any person, it came on her with
+a cruel force that almost crushed her down.  She stood faltering, with
+the newspaper still clutched in her hands; her lips trembled, and the
+tears gathered slowly in her eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I don't believe it," said she, in a low, shaking voice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+She held out her hand, and I, despite the presence of the parson, took
+it to my lips with the same passion with which she had extended it to
+me.  If a man in the midst of all the contumely and detraction of the
+world, can yet get one woman to believe in him, it is enough!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meantime the parson, whatever he may have thought of our behaviour, not
+that it is altogether certain that he happened to witness it, was so
+strangely ingenuous that he took my little one's distress to spring
+from the same source as his own.  He laid it all to that precious
+Commentary on the <i>Analects of Confucius</i>!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your grief does you honour, my dear madam, allow me to say," says he,
+wiping the memorials of his own from his red eyes.  "It honours you
+vastly.  It is something in this benighted age to know that the
+reverence for polite letters has not yet died out amongst us.  And I,
+on my part, will never be persuaded that the descendant of so noble and
+learned a gentleman, whatever the errors of his youth, could fall into
+an act of such a hideous kind.  I blame the publick press too for
+disseminating such a story.  If it is false, as I believe it to be, oh,
+the pity of it!  But if it should be true, the pity is the greater.
+With your permission, I will destroy this newspaper, lest this
+scandalous thing it contains should come under the eye of Blodgett, and
+she should spread it amongst the village folk."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I protest with all my settled views on life, and my arbitrary way of
+looking at things, I did not know whether to burst out into a shout of
+laughter, or fall a-weeping too, for, ecod! there was an affecting side
+to the affair when our simple old parson tore up the offending
+newspaper in a hundred pieces, all to preserve the fair name of that
+philosopher who had perished of the gout a full thirty years ago.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia was so greatly shaken, that to defend her from his observation
+I was even moved to indulge in the parson's fondness for the dead
+languages and abstruse theories.  However, I had just induced him to
+quarrel with Cicero on the strength of something that Cicero ought to
+have said and yet had not said at all, when Blodgett returned, bearing
+the ring.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+That redoubtable lady observed Cynthia's distress at once, but did not
+put the same construction on it that her master had.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Very natural to be sure," says she.  "Weddings are strange, exciting
+things, and apt to upset the strongest of us.  I remember the first
+time I went through the ceremony.  I was mortal worried by it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mrs. Blodgett having by this time fully entered into the affair, took
+Cynthia in hand.  She insisted that Cynthia should go with her
+upstairs, "to tidy herself like," and be accomplished generally in a
+manner more befitting the occasion.  Indeed so enthusiastic had the
+housekeeper become about it that she even proposed to search for some
+of her own discarded nuptial garments, which she ventured to say with a
+bit of fettling and contriving, a pleat here and a tuck there, Cynthia
+after all might not lack for a wedding-gown.  The conceit of a young
+lady who a week ago had been of the first fashion, appearing as a bride
+in a gown that had once done duty for the admirable Blodgett, convulsed
+me with laughter.  And this behaviour was heightened rather than
+depressed when I recollected that such an attire would consort very
+aptly with the hobnailed appearance of the bridegroom.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+During the absence of the ladies upstairs, the parson had the
+forethought to give me a two-shilling-bit, for the purpose of feeing
+the clerk.  I was so struck by this further instance of his generous
+courtesy, that I asked the name of my benefactor, for I swore that I
+would not rest content until I had repaid him.  It seemed that this
+obscure country clergyman bore the name of Scriven.  It is a name as
+far as I can make out, that has not yet come to any eminence in letters
+or the humane arts; nor has it attained to any signal preferment in
+that Church of which it is so true an ornament.  His great learning,
+his simple ingenuous character, his notable generosity, his tenderness
+of heart, his implicit courtesy have never advanced him one step, so
+far as I can gather, in the world's opinion.  For aught I know he is
+still the country parson on his forty pounds or so a year, whilst many
+a sleek old worldling with half of his learning and a tithe of his
+humanity is my lord Bishop riding by in his gilt coach with footmen
+behind it, the recipient of a hundred times more kudos and emolument.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When Cynthia came down again she looked wonderfully spic and span.  Her
+hair had been done into a becoming rustic mode, most admirably neat,
+and showed off its qualities of abundance, gloss and curliness to true
+advantage.  She had not thought fit to call in the aid of Mrs.
+Blodgett's gown it is true, but her own became her as well as another,
+and happily at the same time afforded no index to her degree.  It was a
+plain and simple country dress, sober in hue and severe in its style.
+Yet it fell so exactly into the exquisite lines of her shape, that she
+and the dress became one as it were; and if there was a woman's tailor
+who could have exhibited a lovely figure more artfully than that, she
+must have been good Mrs. Nature herself.  Cynthia, for all her country
+clothes, looked so sweet, arch and dainty too, so much the gentlewoman
+without the affectations that go with <i>ton</i> and "fine," that by their
+absence the breeding that lurked in every inch of her, the carriage of
+her person, slender and small as it was, the set of her head, and the
+cast of her features became more apparent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These evidences had even an effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  She was mightily
+pleased with her <i>protégée</i>.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I don't know who <i>you</i> are, young man," says she, "and I won't say all
+that's in my mind about you, but I hope you know that you are taking a
+real born lady to wife.  Such white hands I never did see, and such
+pretty ways, saving her presence, as she 'ave too.  You are not a
+quarter good enough, young man, for the likes of her, and just keep
+that in your mind and live up to it.  But I gravely misdoubt me as to
+whether you will, for take you all round you are about as disreppitable
+and low a fellow as ever I saw.  To think that such as you should have
+lured the pretty lamb from her father's house.  But as I've told her,
+it is not yet too late for her to go back again."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although neither Cynthia nor I was greatly inconvenienced by this crude
+statement of the case, except in the matter of the smiles we strove in
+vain to control, the parson, good, honest man, was not a little
+disconcerted by it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Tut, tut!" says he, "my good Blodgett, your tongue runs too fast.
+However excellent the motives may be that inspire you, I could wish you
+had a somewhat less direct manner of expressing them.  I really cannot
+have you intervene between plighted lovers, at the very steps of the
+altar.  And whatever the personality of our young lady, if truth
+compels us to admit that our young gentleman is scarcely so fortunate
+in his physical semblance, I am sure he hath a very nice mind."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With these panegyrics we ultimately got us to church.  Now it is not to
+be expected, I hope, that a man should describe his own nuptials.  If
+there are three acts in his life on which he is the least qualified to
+speak, are not those his birth, his marriage, and his burial?  For in
+not one of them can he testify with any certainty as to whether he went
+through them on his heels or his head.  Besides, I am one who holds
+that there should be a becoming reticence in these things.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I can recall perhaps an empty, musty-smelling church, and the clerk, a
+solemn, unctuous man, with a graveyard cough.  Some little wind of the
+affair had evidently got abroad in the village, owing to the exertions
+of Mrs. Blodgett in quest of the wedding-ring.  Thus the ceremony was
+not so entirely private as we could have wished.  A few women in
+aprons, and some with babes in their arms kept the porch and the
+immediate interior of the church.  It seemed that they did not venture
+to go further owing to their awe of the clerk.  Various ragamuffin
+children of tender years played hide-and-seek round the gravestones and
+their mothers' gowns.  When however the wedding party came along in a
+kind of little procession, they desisted for a minute, and having
+safely seen the parson precede us into the sacred edifice, they put out
+their tongues at Cynthia and myself, and made several references of a
+nature uncomplimentary to us couched in the form of rustic wit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mrs. Blodgett had undertaken the office of chief bridesmaid.  She would
+have undertaken that of groomsman too, had I given her the least
+encouragement.  She made an impressive figure at the altar rails, clad
+in a severe black hood; whilst she was quite conscious of her
+conspicuous position, and stood calm and erect in the dignity of her
+infinite experience.  What whispered but animated counsel she proffered
+to Cynthia during the brief period in which we waited for the parson to
+emerge from the vestry, I know not, but I would have given a good deal
+to have been a party to it, for I am sure that if the look on Mrs.
+Cynthia's countenance was any index to its character, it would well
+have been worth setting down in this place.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the last moment when the tension of our minds was very great, the
+clerk became obstreperous.  He asked parson Scriven in a significant
+undertone for the special licence that was to marry us, as the banns
+had not been put up and cried in church.  Of course we were not
+furnished with anything of the kind.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Parson Scriven, as became his amiable casual character, was not at all
+disconcerted by such an informality.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Pooh and faugh!" says he.  "Banns and licence, John, stuff and
+nonsense!  Why should an honest couple be hedged about in this way?  If
+they have no licence, upon my soul I will marry them without."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The clerk was scandalized.  The parson, however, would hear no
+argument.  He was not the person to allow his head to interfere with
+the dictates of his heart.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Parson's main obstinate," said the clerk, scratching his head.  "And I
+do believe he cares no more for law an' regulation than the gypsies on
+the common.  It won't be legal, this won't, but bless you what'll
+parson care!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So long as we could get this awkward business over we cared as little
+for law and regulation as this singular old clergyman.  Therefore, when
+he disdained the opinions of the clerk, and reiterated his intention to
+marry us, we breathed again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last all was ready, and the parson came out of the vestry with his
+book and his gown, and smiled upon us with benevolent self-possession.
+We strung ourselves for the great ordeal.  Yet as a preliminary we were
+confronted with one that we found vastly the more awkward of the two,
+and one that we had not anticipated either.  How we both came to
+overlook it, I know not, unless the palpitation that our minds were in
+was the secret of it.  It had never occurred to us that the parson
+could not marry us unless he was informed of our names.  But when he
+made that very obvious and natural stipulation it came upon us as a
+thunderbolt.  What a pair of arrant fools we were, not to have thought
+of that contingency, and to have provided for it!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the parson bluntly demanded this of us, we stood staring
+open-mouthed at one another, a pair of zanies.  I pursued a bold
+course, however.  To give our own was out of the question in that
+public place, and more particularly as the newspaper had just
+acquainted the reverend gentleman of my black history.  Therefore, says
+I, with an impudent assurance:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"John Smith and Jane Jones."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"How truly national!" says the officiating clergyman in a rapture of
+sentiment.  "How exquisitely English are these names, to be sure!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I durst not look at my poor little Cynthia.  But somehow I felt that
+she was trembling and deadly pale, and ready to sink to the ground
+under this humiliation to her native delicacy.  I fear that I was of a
+much coarser grain.  I had suffered too much from the world already to
+be easily bowed with a sense of shame.  "Needs must when the devil
+drives," was a good enough motto for me.  We were in a pretty tight
+corner, and if we ever came out of it at all, we must expect to lose a
+little of our tender skins in doing so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My little one was most monstrous brave.  Having recovered the
+possession of herself, she set her teeth and went through the thing
+gallantly.  I'faith she was of a good mettle.  In spite of Mrs.
+Blodgett's opinion of my worth, my little miss answered the
+all-important query in such a clear affirmative voice as never was
+heard, and entered into vows of a sort that argued some degree of
+rashness on her part.  Even at the time I was inclined to raise a doubt
+of her ability to be the equal of them.  Nor hath aught subsequently
+transpired to cause me to forego this estimate of the matter.  When we
+had been duly put through these trials, we were led into the vestry to
+write our names in the marriage register.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Jack," whispers Cynthia, as we went, "whatever shall we do?  I am
+sure it cannot be legal."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am sure I don't know," says I.  "What a folly of mine not to have
+thought of it sooner!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It was my place to think of it," says Cynthia.  "The folly is mine."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, not at all," says I.  "What have you to do with it, a chit as you
+are?  The folly is mine, I tell you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then I tell you it's not," says Cynthia flatly, and stamping her
+petulant shoe on the very steps of the altar.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap09"></a>
+CHAPTER IX
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+I am sure it is expected of me to improve this occasion with a few sage
+remarks, for could anything have been more ominous to the prosperity of
+our married life?  But I hope I have too much chivalry in me to say to
+what extent this evil presage has been borne out since, and I dare Mrs.
+Cynthia to do so.  <i>Revenons à nos moutons</i>, a phrase I think that
+always looks better in French.  We got through all these important
+matters at last, even to the forging of the honoured names of Jane
+Jones and John Smith, or Jane Smith and John Jones, I forget precisely
+which, in the parish register.  Then having vailed the clerk with the
+parson's two-shilling-bit, and having thanked and bid farewell to our
+kind benefactors, we moved out of the church amid the acclamation of
+the whole female and juvenile population of the village, and got us
+with some speed upon our wedding-tour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Now we had made about half-a-mile along the highway at a round pace,
+when Cynthia to her great concern discovered that she had carried away
+upon her finger the ring that Mrs. Blodgett had borrowed from a
+neighbour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, this will never do," says she.  "We can never rob such kind honest
+people."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I suppose we cannot," says I, "but the value of that ring will come in
+wonderfully apt this evening when we desire a lodging for our
+weariness."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Jack, how can you!" says she.  "We must take it back at once."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And willy-nilly with never another word my pretty one, with a fine
+indignant colour in her face, turned about and set her nose straight
+back to the parson's door.  And taking a material view of the matter,
+honesty was just as good a policy in this case as any other, for when
+we had come to the parson and Cynthia had got her mission off her lips
+and the ring off her finger, all in due time, the kind man was so
+pleased by our worthy behaviour, that says he to Mrs. Blodgett: "There,
+there, what did I say?  I knew you judged them too harshly," and
+straightway invited us to an excellent repast of potherbs and boiled
+mutton, that even then was smoking on the table.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was about two o'clock in the afternoon when we set out again on our
+travels.  We took the highway, and followed it mile upon mile, through
+pretty hamlets, past inviting inns, lush green meadows, and here and
+there a shady little copse.  Up hill and down dale we went, and always
+in something of a joyful spirit, for no two people could be more happy
+in their freedom, or more careless of what might befall.  The moment
+was enough for us.  We were sound in limb and spirit, stout of heart,
+too, I ween, and my little wife had the sum of twelvepence half penny
+in her pocket.  An avenging law was doubtless pursuing me, and a stern
+parent was most probably pursuing her, but we were so taken up with one
+another that we could think only of our present happiness.  Avaunt dull
+care, it was our wedding journey.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Who could help being happy in the soft airs of the spring afternoon?
+They were so generous, and the sun was so mild and pleasant, that we
+discarded our cloaks, and I bore them both over my arm.  But we were
+not allowed to remain in this paradise very long without being rudely
+reminded of its insecurity.  After awhile, growing hot with our
+exertions and a little weary also, we began to desire a cool shady
+place in which to rest.  A hill more than usually steep lay before us,
+and having toiled to the top, at considerably less of a pace than the
+one at which we had started, found there the spot we were in need of.
+Seating ourselves under a tree covered with snowy blossom we proceeded
+to take our earned repose.  And we had been in this occupation perhaps
+five minutes or so, when our attention was directed to the sound of
+wheels at the foot of the hill we had just overcome.  A pair-horse
+chaise was coming up at a round pace.  It was occupied by two persons,
+and was so striking in colour and design that it was in the distance
+likely to be recognized sooner than the people in it.  This proved to
+be the case.  No sooner had it come into view than Cynthia clutched at
+my arm in a quick, frightened manner.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Look, look!" says she.  "Oh, what shall we do?  'Tis papa's curricle
+coming up the hill, and on my life, it is papa within it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I needed no second exhortation.  There was an instant of time in which
+we both looked wildly about us, backwards and forwards, only to
+discover that it was impossible to get away from our present place
+without being caught in the act of doing so.  A hedge was at our back,
+another was on the opposite side of the way, and in front stretched the
+long level surface of the road.  Yet there was just one chance of our
+passing unnoticed, though heaven knows a precarious and remote one!
+There was a slight declivity running under the hedge at our backs.  It
+was a kind of dry ditch, but the bed of it was so shallow that it could
+hardly be dignified by the name of ditch at all.  I commanded Cynthia
+to lie perfectly flat in this, face downwards, and to squeeze herself
+as far into the earth as she could get, whilst I did the same, though
+in regard to the last particular I fear my precept was higher than my
+resolution.  Meantime the chaise came grinding and grunting up the
+hill, at the same smart pace, while we lay in our ridiculously
+inadequate hiding-place, perfectly convinced in our own minds that we
+must be discovered.  What an agony of suspense we lay in, stretched
+full length, Cynthia's head pressed firmly against my heel, and our
+noses nestling in the dry earth!  We durst hardly breathe as the
+carriage came nearer and nearer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+How it was its occupants failed to see us I cannot understand, for we
+could have been scarcely shielded at all from their observation.  But
+sure enough the curricle went past us, and as it did so we could even
+detect the familiar voices issuing out of it, above the noise of the
+horses and the vehicle.  One belonged to my lord the Duke, Mrs.
+Cynthia's papa, a terribly irascible loud-toned voice to be sure;
+whilst the other, smooth, polished and elegant, was that of Mr.
+Humphrey Waring.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When at last they had fairly passed us by at a deuce of a rattle, we
+were able to sit up from our tight positions and show our noses again.
+We gazed at one another solemnly, and then broke into a peal of
+laughter apiece.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Phew!" says I, "it was as bad a two minutes as ever I've had.  I
+thought papa sounded very angry too."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Poor papa!" says Cynthia, with a very odd mingling of sorrow and mirth
+in her face.  "I wouldn't have given much for you, sir, had he spied
+us; and for that matter I would have given even less for myself."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I suppose he is in full pursuit of us?" says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"There cannot be a doubt of it," says his daughter.  "And if I know
+anything of his Grace, he'll hardly sleep in his bed again until he
+hath tracked us down.  He's a terrible implacable man when he's
+aroused.  He'll be hunting us night and day, and he'll spend his last
+penny sooner than he'll be baulked by us, now that he hath seen fit to
+start on this business."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Humph!" says I, "a nice energetic old gentleman to have for a
+father-in-law, to be sure.  And that smooth villain Waring too.  Did
+you not catch his voice also?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes," says Cynthia, flaming, "the wicked, wretched, contriving
+villain.  What can he hope to get by it all?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A wife," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"He's like to go empty-handed there at least," says Cynthia.  "What a
+mercy it was we were married this morning!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I doubt whether we were," says I.  "I do not know that the ceremony
+will hold in the sight of the law."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then," says Cynthia, "we will be married over again in our real names
+and with a proper licence at the first church we can."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nor will that avail you," says I, "when he hath got me hanged."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mrs. Cynthia grew thoughtful, but says she after a moment's reflection:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"When he does that I will put an ounce of lead into his heart, then I
+can be hanged beside you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At this perforce I had to capitulate before her ingenuity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We resumed our way somewhat chastened in spirit.  We looked keenly
+ahead of us along the road as we went, for any sign of the vehicle that
+had lately overtaken us.  Any inn or alehouse that happened to lie at
+the roadside we passed with particular caution, lest our papa and his
+companion should have broken their journey there.  As time went by, and
+we had begun to forget the excellent repast of boiled mutton and
+potherbs with which we had been regaled by parson Scriven, we cast our
+eyes on these wayside places of entertainment with another end in view.
+We were growing honestly tired and hungry.  Coming to one that wore an
+air of unobtrusive respectability and general cleanliness, we
+determined to part with half of our fortune in exchange for some bread
+and cheese and ale.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Having first been at the precaution to convince ourselves that his
+Grace's curricle lingered nowhere about the house, we went in and
+called for our modest refreshment.  And we were engaged in doing
+justice to it with a good deal of zest, when to our great fear we heard
+the sound of wheels on the road, and by the time we could turn round
+and look out of the inn-window a chaise had come to a stand in front of
+the door.  It needed but a glance to tell us that we might have been
+spared our alarm, since it was not the one belonging to Mrs. Cynthia's
+papa.  This was a much less imposing carriage, of a prim colour and
+cast that was designed not to attract any attention.  It contained two
+persons.  The first who alighted from it was a middling drab-coated
+kind of a fellow, smug of countenance, and not to be looked at twice.
+He was doubtless the unliveried servant of a well-to-do tradesman; an
+estimate that was borne out by the deferential, not to say obsequious
+air with which he stood at the side of the vehicle, and assisted the
+second occupant to get out.  This was a vastly more imposing person.
+He was a great fat, heavy-featured man, with an almost overpowering
+consequentialness about him.  He moved with a slow but dignified strut,
+spoke in a very loud voice, and yet there was a tone of affable
+condescension about him too that was very baffling.  He might be the
+mayor or an alderman of some provincial town, some local big-wig, or
+even a pursy magnate of commerce.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the time he had moved in his heavy dignity into the room in which
+Cynthia and I were seated at our bread and cheese, the landlord had
+taken note of his visitor, and had come forward to greet him with all
+the respectful familiarity of one who was happy to meet again an old
+and cherished and highly-valued client.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No other than Mr. John Jeremy, by all that's wonderful," says the
+landlord, bowing and smiling.  "<i>The</i> Mr. John Jeremy, as I'm a
+licensed victualler."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No sooner had the landlord uttered the name than I looked hastily at
+Cynthia, and she looked hastily at me.  Where had we heard that name so
+recently, and in what connexion?  Suddenly the same flash of
+recollection illuminated the minds of us both.  It was the name of the
+celebrated Bow Street runner, as given in the <i>London Gazette</i>.  I
+think we both went hot and then cold.  But when the first emotion of
+surprise was overpast, a dogged resolution succeeded to it and with it
+a determination to put, if need be, as bold a face upon the matter as
+we could.  After all there was nothing about us by which we could be
+identified.  Appearances were certainly in our favour; and the black
+eye I had that morning received from the farmer was not the least
+likely thing of all to stand me in good stead.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sit tight," I whispered to her, "and we'll keep asipping out of the
+same pot as unconcerned as possible."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Jeremy having seated himself with majestic negligence at a table
+immediately opposite us, turned to his companion and says:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Wattle you 'ave, Willum?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Make it porter," says Willum, in a voice of extreme melancholy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Wattle you 'ave, Mr. Johnson?" says Mr. Jeremy, addressing the host, a
+reel-faced worthy of simple ways, who seemed pleased with himself and
+all the world.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Make it porter, Mr. Jeremy, as you're so haffable," says he; "and what
+might be your own?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"If you 'ave any of that there sloe-gin, mine's sloe-gin," says Mr.
+Jeremy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+These preliminaries being arranged to the satisfaction of all
+concerned, and the host having retired to fetch the refreshment, Mr.
+Jeremy remarked to his companion with a wonderful air of reflection:
+"Honest, unassooming feller."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Very," says the other, more gloomily than ever.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Jeremy then observed us for the first time.  We returned his gaze
+with one of the most simple unconcern.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nice day," says he.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Very," says I heartily.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here the host returned with the refreshment, and having pledged each
+other, they drank solemnly and copiously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, Mr. Jeremy," says the host, "what are you after this time?  It's
+a murder, I know, for you to be taking it on.  You never do nothing
+under a murder, you don't, as I've heard you say."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You don't mean to say as you 'aven't 'eard?" says Mr. Jeremy.  "The
+whole case was printed in this morning's <i>Gazette</i>.  It's no small
+thing, this isn't, I can tell you.  The quality's in it, to start with."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ha!" says the landlord, with breathless interest.  "Is it a hanging
+matter?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Of course," says Mr. Jeremy.  "And a hearl, and a thorough bad lot
+too.  A thorough wicked feller with a record as black as your hat.  I
+always say when one of that sort goes wrong he's much worse than
+ord'nary."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"If it's you that says it, Mr. Jeremy, there can be no manner of doubt
+about it," says the landlord.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He appeared to hang on every word that the man from Bow Street uttered.
+That worthy gentleman who was by no means unaware of the impression he
+created, was at pains in a dozen little ways to heighten it.  Now and
+then he would halt in a mysterious manner, wink and nod, and then
+continue in a truly oracular way.  It was plain that he felt himself to
+be a man of a great reputation, and it would certainly be no fault of
+his if he failed to sustain it.  Nor was he content to work on the mind
+of the landlord, but continually looked across at us to see what effect
+he was having on our susceptibilities.  Observing this, I began at once
+to betray an interest in all he thought fit to say and do; an interest
+more exaggerated than the landlord's even, and certainly less sincere.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Are you the great Mr. John Jeremy from Bow Street, sir?" says I at the
+first opportunity.  I asked it in a voice of as much timidity as I
+could summon, as one astonished at his boldness.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Instead of replying, the gentleman from Bow Street closed his eyes in
+exquisite self-satisfaction, threw his head back against the wall and
+folded his arms across his chest.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"How can you ask?" says the landlord, replying for him.  "Who else can
+he be?  I should ha' thought your eyes would ha' told you that with one
+look at him."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am very proud to meet you, sir," says I, and added, turning to
+Cynthia: "Who would have thought it, Betsy, that you and I of all
+people would ever have met the great Mr. Jeremy from Bow Street in
+London."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Don't mention it," says Mr. Jeremy, opening his eyes with vast
+condescension.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Mr. Jeremy," says my little Cynthia, playing up to her part in the
+comedy with admirable instinct, "would you&mdash;could you let me have a
+peep at the&mdash;at the handcuffs?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Jeremy needed no second invitation to exhibit the badges of his
+office.  He took them from his pocket and laid them on the table with
+an air.  And nothing would content Cynthia but she must rise from her
+seat, go over to the gentleman from Bow Street, and have the manacles
+clapped upon her wrists to see how they felt.  Her curiosity was very
+prettily and justly simulated.  It was done to the life, and no one
+could have been more pleased by it than Mr. Jeremy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Not content with thrilling Cynthia with the handcuffs, the gentleman
+from Bow Street was anxious to impress everybody else.  He presently
+produced the warrant for the wicked earl's arrest; also a handbill
+offering one hundred pounds reward for any information that should lead
+to the apprehension of the person whose full description was contained
+therein.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But that's only a matter of form, you know," says Mr. Jeremy.  "I've
+already got all the information that I want in this 'ere," Mr. Jeremy
+solemnly tapped his forehead.  "It's only a work of time.  We knows
+everything about him: his age, his height, his complexion, his general
+appearance, how he was drest, and his religious views.  All there is to
+know of him we knows.  I wouldn't give a snap of the fingers for that
+man, no that I wouldn't, not if you paid me to do it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Wonderful!" says the landlord, his eyes dilated with admiration.
+"Wonderful smart!  What a mind you must have, sir."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"<i>I</i> didn't say so," says Mr. Jeremy, "Though I wouldn't contradict you
+there.  A feller's got to have a mind for our perfession.  A numscull
+can't make head or tail of it, can't a numscull.  It's observation that
+does it, d'ye see?  You've got to put two and two together, and to know
+how many beans make five.  Now in the case of this 'ere hearl, I've
+made such a liberal use o' my faculties that the noose is as good as
+round his neck.  Pore feller, I'm sorry for him."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Jeremy's sorrow was reproduced in the face of each one of his
+hearers.  In that of his man and the innkeeper it was sincere enough,
+and at least in mine and Cynthia's it was very well simulated.  One and
+all professed the greatest admiration for the gentleman's genius.  To
+be sure, in what way it had been manifested was not very clear; but as
+his speech, his behaviour, and the airs he gave himself furnished
+incontestable proofs of its possession, how could we help doing homage
+to it?  He sat like a potentate, and received the court we paid to him
+as by no means more than his due.  But he was generous as well as
+great, for having ordered his own glass to be replenished, he asked us
+all to name our tipple, wherein we had the privilege of drinking his
+health.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As soon as we felt that we could slip off without attracting any
+particular attention to our going, we took the road again.  Yet in the
+precautions we were at to get away as little observed as might be, we
+were more ill-served than by an ostentatious departure.  For our one
+object being to retire quickly and privily, we discovered when we had
+gone a few yards on the road that we had not paid our reckoning.  Thus
+when the landlord awoke to this fact, we should be much more freely
+discussed and commented on than by paying our score and effecting our
+retirement at our leisure.  Cynthia, who had a wonderful itch of
+honesty, was mightily put out, and was all for going back and for
+requiting the landlord at any cost.  But I demurred to this strongly.
+The sooner we put a few country miles between ourselves and Mr. Jeremy
+the better, said I.  Yet Cynthia argued more subtly, and more justly,
+as I was fain to allow.  Mr. Jeremy and the innkeeper had taken no
+suspicion of us to the time of our leaving the inn, said she, and if we
+were at the trouble to go back again, frankly admit our lapse of
+memory, and even go out of our way to behave honestly, we should be far
+more likely to continue in their good graces, than if we left them in
+the lurch as I proposed.  In that event we should infallibly get
+ourselves and our concerns talked about.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Admitting the justness of this reasoning, I consented after a brief
+argument to our going back.  Mrs. Cynthia was pleased indeed, partly
+because this course was such a tribute to her wisdom, and again because
+she would not have to carry on her nice conscience an act that fretted
+it.  When we re-entered the inn it seemed that the landlord had already
+discovered his loss, and was in the very act of calling us harsh names.
+Indeed he was so occupied with this and was expressing himself so
+fervently, whilst Mr. Jeremy laughed at him in a humorous key, that he
+was not conscious of the fact that we stood behind him, until I said:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I quite agree with you, host, in all you have said, if such was our
+intention.  But as it happens, nothing could be farther from it.  The
+moment we discovered our omission, we returned to rectify it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The landlord was in a great taking when he heard my voice at his back.
+Having listened to his apologies that were no less fervent than his
+previous abuse, and having taken them in very good part, I demanded to
+know the amount of the score, and smiled at Mr. Jeremy while I did so,
+in an intimate way, for I judged a display of some little familiarity
+towards him was the most calculated to propitiate that gentleman.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Eightpence was the score, a sum fortunately well within our truly
+modest means.  But judge of our desperate chagrin an instant later when
+Cynthia, the custodian of our poor fortune, having felt in all her
+pockets, declared that the purse which contained it was not to be
+found.  Search as she might, there was never a trace of it.  We stared
+at one another blankly, and then at the landlord, and then at Mr.
+Jeremy.  It was this last good gentleman who saved the situation for
+us, since he burst out a-laughing.  Thereon I broke into a roar; and
+presently Cynthia, Willum, and the landlord were roaring too.  And
+could anything have been more ludicrous than two persons leaving an inn
+without paying the reckoning, and wending all the way back again for
+the purpose of rectifying the error with devil a penny between them
+with which to do so!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Under cover of the commotion that this discovery provoked, I racked my
+wits to find an excuse for our behaviour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You may laugh, gentlemen," says I, with a sudden gravity, "but it is
+no laughing matter for us, let me tell you.  My wife's pocket hath been
+picked, and how we are to get back home with not so much as a penny
+between us, strike me dead if I can say!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why, 'tis a case for Mr. Jeremy's genius," says Cynthia, smiling at
+that flattered person in a most bewitching manner.  "He must devise us
+a means out of his infinite wit."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Peace, woman," says I, angrily.  "Is it not enough then that you
+should lose all our travelling money and bring us into disgrace with
+our honest host, whom we are unable to requite for his hospitality, but
+you must lose the control of that unlucky tongue too, and let it grow
+so familiar with the name and attainments of one of the foremost
+persons of his age that it brings us into disrepute with him also?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I spoke with my tongue in my cheek to be sure, and Cynthia more than
+once had to bite her lips to restrain her merriment.  But Mr. Jeremy
+nodded his head delightedly all the time, and purred with satisfaction.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No offence, no offence," says that gentleman.  "Don't mind me, my
+pretty one.  But since you ask my opinion as to 'ow you shall get back
+home again, I think after carefully considering all the circumstances,
+the only means I can discover is 'Shanks's mare.'"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ha ha! he he!" we all laughed at this desperate piece of wit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The upshot was that we were allowed to depart indebted to the innkeeper
+in the sum of eightpence.  The loss of our money was a blow.  Why it
+should have been I cannot tell, for after all it was very little the
+right side of destitution.  Cynthia was quite unable to say in what
+manner she had lost it, and when I came to put a few shrewd questions
+to her on the subject, she was so vague in her ideas and so uncertain
+in her answers, that it became a moot point at last whether her fortune
+of twelvepence halfpenny had not existed from the first in her
+imagination only.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap10"></a>
+CHAPTER X
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+It was about sundown now.  We had not so much as a penny to purchase a
+loaf of bread.  Night was coming on; there were no friends to whom we
+might recommend ourselves; and at least two parties of persons were
+engaged in hunting us down in that vicinity.  To set against these
+inconveniences we had only our liberty and our comradeship; and
+although our bellies were like to go empty, and our heads unpillowed
+that night, and for full many a weary one to come, we did not rail
+against our lot.  We were as free as the air and could defy the polite
+conventions.  Lest we should fall in again with Mr. Waring and our
+papa, or less dangerously with Mr. Jeremy, we decided to forsake the
+high road and its publicity, and take to the fields.  All ways were
+alike to us; north, south, east, and west, it did not matter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had not gone far across the country when the twilight overtook us.
+We did not view it with the least apprehension, however.  The night
+promised to be so mild, and we were so warmly found against it with our
+cloaks and thick clothes, that another evening couch in a barn or a
+cowhouse would not greatly daunt us.  Indeed we had already made up our
+minds to this, unless Providence should throw a more luxurious one in
+our path.  In the event this proved to be the case, for after awhile
+our wanderings brought us to a kind of common, across which smoke was
+seen to be rising.  It came from a fire of sticks as we presently
+found, and on coming to it, we discovered ourselves in the midst of a
+gypsy encampment.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Four or five persons of a dirty, ragged and uncouth sort, were busying
+themselves about the fire in various ways.  One was tending it with
+fuel, another was adjusting a great cooking-pot that sat in the midst
+of the embers, a third was cleaning a clasp-knife with a piece of rag
+and a tuft of grass, a fourth had two parts of a flute in his hand and
+was striving to fix them together; an old woman sat staring into the
+blaze with her hands on her knees, smoking a pipe; and a young woman,
+by no means destitute of a swarthy beauty, sat beside her with a child
+at her breast.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The reception we met with at the hands of these simple strange people
+was at first reserved and suspicious to a degree.  One of the men
+addressed us in a barbarous tongue, the like of which I have neither
+heard before nor since.  I could not make a word out of it.  Showing
+plainly that we were at a loss in this language, the man translated it
+into good if a trifle rustic English:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What do you want?" says he roughly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Leave to sit down by your cheerful fire a little," I replied.  They
+were in no hurry to extend this permission to us, but by the time that
+Cynthia with excellent tact had greatly admired the babe in its
+mother's arms, and I, who amongst my accomplishments pride myself as
+being somewhat of an amateur of the flute, had pieced that instrument
+together, for its owner did not appear to understand much about it, and
+had been at pains to make ourselves agreeable to our company in several
+ways, their gruff reserve grew sensibly less.  And shortly, so much did
+our addresses have their effect, that we found ourselves seated around
+the fire, with a pleasant odour of cookery tickling our noses.  For
+after all bread and cheese and ale, although excellent in themselves to
+be sure, do not form a very enduring diet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the time the meal was ready the moon had risen.  Sitting in the
+midst of these strange gypsy people, beside a bright fire that threw up
+its flames to the open fields, and clothed trees and hedges and the sky
+itself with a vagueness and mystery that we had never noticed in them
+before, we became possessed with a sense of the weirdness of the shapes
+about us.  They made the folk we had come amongst seem more singular
+than they might otherwise have appeared.  However, the meal we
+presently partook of in their company did much to alleviate this
+feeling of strangeness.  When the lid was taken off the hissing
+cauldron, and platters, spoons and knives were produced, the circle
+about the fire was increased by the arrival of other gypsies of various
+ages and both sexes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As their guests, they had the courtesy to serve us first.  From the pot
+was produced a hot and grateful mess, that to persons with appetites
+sharpened to the degree that ours were, was deliriously palatable.  It
+appeared to consist of fowls, mutton, hares, onions, and potatoes, and
+probably other meats and vegetables not so easy to detect.  We were
+also given some excellent ale in a great horn tumbler, and a hunch of
+barley bread apiece.  We feasted indeed on the liberal fare, and were
+fain to pay a second visit to the cauldron.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was to be remarked that our entertainers were much better disposed
+toward us after supper than before.  Their suspicion and reserve melted
+more and more, and instead of using the Romany language, ordered their
+conversation in ours, that we might take some profit of their
+intercourse.  They all showed this amenable disposition with the
+exception of the old crone, who had supped only on tobacco, preferring
+her pipe to the lustier fare of the cauldron.  She would have none of
+us.  We could clearly see the expression of her lowering, tawny face,
+since she sat opposite to us, full in the glare of the fire.  This
+indifference to us was more than passive.  We discerned with some
+uneasiness that it amounted to positive dislike.  She would stare at us
+whole minutes together, while a concentrated malignity came into her
+already sufficiently ugly face.  She would then mutter incoherently
+under her breath.  Once she spat venomously into the fire.  At last,
+after staring at us longer and more resentfully than usual, she
+clutched a fellow who sat beside her fiercely by the arm.  She talked
+to him with great energy, and ended with something that sounded of the
+nature of an imprecation.  As she did so she shook her finger at our
+faces.  Whatever her communication was, the man was much discomposed by
+it.  He nodded, infused a certain malignity too in the look with which
+he regarded us, and then addressed several of his companions very much
+in the manner that the old woman had addressed him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia, who had observed these signs as keenly as I had, grew alarmed.
+Nor was this unreasonable in her, for such were the weight of the old
+crone's objections to us, whatever their nature, that before long they
+had spread to the whole community.  Thus we soon found ourselves in the
+unpleasant position of being the cynosure of all their eyes, the
+objects at which their fingers were wagged, and against whom their
+passionate talk was directed.  But we suffered from the additional
+misfortune of being unable to understand a single word, and were thus
+quite at a loss to know wherein we had offended.  It was the man with
+the flute who presently enlightened us.  Probably his devotion to
+music, one of the liberal arts, gave him a more humane cast than his
+brethren.  Indeed at this moment he alone seemed friendly towards us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Old Goody does not like the set o' ye," says he.  "You will bring
+ill-luck upon us wandering folk, she thinks."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What does she object to in us?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nay," says he, "that is more than I can say.  She is as full of
+prediction, whimsies, and foreboding as a dog-fox is of cunning.  She
+has lived a long while, d'ye see, and can read the signs.  She has
+forseen many a corpse, by looking at the moon.  Many's the man-child
+she's brought into the world.  And only last year when she heard the
+wind soughing through the branches, she told not only the day but the
+very hour that Jerry Boswell came to be hanged."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This sinister reference did nothing to ease us.  Looking around, the
+cunning and superstition that was everywhere about us took a direr
+significance.  As their resentment in no wise abated, it struck us that
+we should do well to resume our way.  But the man with the flute
+assured us that we were under no necessity, for since we had sat at
+meat with them, the mischief, if any, was already done.  He said
+besides that his people were the civillest in the world, and whatever
+their fear of us, they would be the last to visit their dislike upon
+us.  As the fire was so bright and genial, and our present position,
+despite any little inconveniences that might arise therefrom, was so
+much more to be desired than any other we were likely to lie in that
+night, we were seduced to remain.  It may have been against our better
+judgment that we took this course, or like the gypsies themselves, we
+may have had an instinct of something impending, for in the end we were
+to rue it bitterly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our friend with the flute, doubtless to compose the minds of his more
+nervous brethren, began a strange sort of melody.  It was played not
+very well to be sure, but they gave an alert attention to it that
+furnished an instance of the power of music on untutored minds.
+Presently one of the women broke into a song to match the air.  It was
+in the gypsy language, and though sung in a low crooning voice and a
+primitive fashion, it was by no means unpleasing, whilst its weird
+character was highly appropriate to the place in which it was
+performed.  The rude audience was vastly soothed by it too; their
+fierce looks grew softer; and soon they fell to regarding the music
+entirely instead of Cynthia and myself.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the flute-player had given his melody, he politely handed the
+instrument to me, with the request that if I had any skill in the art I
+should give one also.  Being as I have said an amateur of the flute,
+and being like all other amateurs as I have observed, never in any
+situation averse to display my poor aptitude, I struck up a ranting air
+from the <i>Beggar's Opera</i>.  I was surprised to find how excellent the
+instrument was, and was therefore able to enter into the performance as
+much for my own gratification as for theirs.  When I had finished I was
+agreeably surprised to find how warmly my efforts were received.  The
+former player wrung my hand, and, strange as it may appear, many eyes
+shone about me with pleasure and admiration.  Nothing would content
+them but I must play again.  Mightily pleased with my success, as every
+person who seeks the approbation of the public invariably is, I needed
+no second invitation, but ventured on a more ambitious piece.  With
+many a spring and trill and roulade I ranted it into their ears.  They
+followed me with rapt attention, and again and again would have me
+play.  How long I continued to do so I do not know.  For seeing the
+singular pleasure they took from it, I should have been a churl indeed
+not to gratify such hospitable and simple people.  Therefore I poured
+out all the tunes I knew for their behoof.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Little did we reck however of the calamity that was about to befall us.
+The old woman, it is true, had had a premonition of something
+impending.  Had it been concerned with the effect as well as the cause
+much might have been spared us.  As it was, no catastrophe could have
+come more swiftly, unexpectedly, or completely.  I was still in the
+height of my music, and the group around the fire were absorbed in it
+wholly, when this unhappy interruption came.  Without a sound of
+warning a dozen forms or more suddenly sprang into being out of a ditch
+hard by, and rushed into our midst.  By the light of the moon we could
+observe enough of them as they came to see that they were armed with
+formidable staves, and clearly meant mischief.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had only just time to spring to our feet before they were upon us.
+What their business was we did not stay to inquire; indeed, it was soon
+evident that my friends, the gypsies, were only too intimately
+acquainted with it.  Without passing a word they resisted this
+onslaught with all the vigour they could summon.  One or two ran into
+the tents close at hand to procure weapons of defence; others produced
+their knives; whilst the old crone, who along among the gypsy women was
+not barefooted snatched off one of her boots and brandished it
+fiercely.  As for Cynthia and I, we were so taken aback by this strange
+situation that we did not know what course to pursue.  We had neither
+art nor part in this quarrel whatever its nature.  Besides, we were
+weaponless and utterly at a loss to understand whether submission or
+resistance might serve us the better.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The aggressors, whatever their impetuosity, stopped short at first of
+actual violence.  Seeing the uncompromising attitude of the gypsies,
+the foremost man, a fine strapping fellow as ever I saw, halted a few
+yards off, put up his hand to speak, and said with a great air of
+authority:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Now, you Egyptians, let me give you a word of advice before we come to
+blows.  You have no chance at all.  You are outnumbered by three to
+one, and whatever blood is shed, will be to your hurt.  Whatever polls
+are broken will not save any man Jack of you a hanging.  I summon you
+to put down your weapons, and the women shall go free.  But I arrest
+every man of you in the name of the High Sheriff for stealing sheep."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The reply of the sheep-stealers was brief enough in all conscience.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Take that!" cried the old woman, flinging her boot at the speaker's
+head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was the signal for the battle to begin.  My friend the flute-player
+followed up the boot by hitting the spokesman of the law full in the
+face with his fist.  Thereon blows fell thick and fast and furious on
+every side.  The Sheriff's men closed up, nor did the gypsies budge an
+inch.  Without a weapon of any sort, as I was, I had to bear my part
+perforce, since there was no opportunity to explain that I was neither
+a gypsy nor a stealer of sheep.  But even had it offered, I could never
+have embraced it.  Just as a man may be known by the company he keeps,
+he is at the same time laid under the obligation to defend his friends.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My first care, of course, was for Cynthia.  As the Sheriff's men were
+not likely to molest her should she run away out of reach of harm, I
+insisted on her doing so.  I had to be firm with her too, since she was
+by no means disposed to separate from me in this pass.  She would
+either have me come with her or she would stay where she was.  The
+first alternative was impracticable even had I wished to embrace it.
+The enemy were all about us by now, and I should not have been
+permitted to go; and the second put her personal safety into such a
+jeopardy that I had to be very stern.  Thereon she unwillingly complied.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No sooner had she gone than I slipped the flute in my pocket and
+prepared to take a hand in the defence.  As I had no other weapons I
+had to employ my hands.  Had the conditions been equal I could have
+wished no better.  But they were little likely to prevail against
+superior numbers, armed with staves.  Indeed, from the first,
+submission would have been the wiser course for us all, as the gypsies
+were at such a disadvantage that they had no chance.  Yet blows were
+dealt with mighty goodwill on both sides; sometimes the upholders of
+the law went down, but more often the breakers of it.  Presently two
+fellows with cudgels in their hands made to seize me by the collar,
+whereon I dealt the most assiduous of the twain so shrewd a crack on
+the point of the jawbone as laid him low.  The other fellow came at me
+furiously with his stave, and I had barely time to whisk my head aside
+and so get it clear of the blow that was aimed at it.  I was hastening
+to follow up this delicate attention with a few of my own, when a third
+adversary unseen came behind me, and gave me such a tap at the side of
+the head as brought me to the ground bleeding and half insensible.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Before I could make any attempt to gather myself again, a pair of knees
+were in the middle of my chest, and a strong hand half choked the life
+out of my throat.  I was in no condition to kick or struggle much; but
+whatever the philosophy of my temper in the piping times of peace,
+devil a bit did I exercise of it now.  Bleeding and breathless as I
+was, I resisted with what was in the circumstances an absurd tenacity;
+and it was some little time, after a great display of energy on both
+sides that two or three of my enemies ultimately secured me, bound my
+hands and raised me to my feet.  And I hope the reader will observe
+that I again insist that it took two or three persons to conclude this
+unfortunate business, as it did to inaugurate it.  I know not what vain
+glory it is in a man that makes him so punctilious in matters of this
+sort.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By the time I had been overcome and raised on to my feet in fetters,
+the affair was almost decided.  There could be but one ending; and very
+soon the unfortunate gypsies were all of them captive too, with cords
+round their wrists, and most of them bloody of bearing.  No time was
+lost in marching us away to the nearest magistrate.  There seemed about
+a score of armed men to take the custody of us.  In the haste with
+which everything was carried out, in the uncertain moonlight, and in
+the dull vague condition of mind that the shock of events, to name only
+one cause, had induced, I had not the smallest opportunity of taking
+farewell of Cynthia.  Nor had she any means of approaching me, seeing
+how sedulously we were guarded, and how promptly we were marched away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The whole thing was begun and ended so swiftly that this very
+grandiloquent and self-important quill-pen hath made, I find, an
+incomparably greater business of it than ever it was in itself.  It can
+never bring its dignity down to the subordinate office of the relation
+of a plain piece of history, but is all for the frills and the
+trimmings.  Do not be deceived into thinking, therefore, that this
+country brawl was as great as the battle of Marathon.  But at least, at
+the time the consequences were to me very poignant.  As we were dragged
+along over the stubble and through the moonlight, we knew not whither,
+I was more stunned by my evil fortune than by the blow I had come by in
+the argument, notwithstanding that as I walked the blood trickled in a
+thin warm stream on to my coat.  For a person in my circumstances to
+fall into the hands of the law in a hedge scuffle in an alien quarrel,
+was about as scurvy an accident as could possibly happen.  I was truly
+between the devil and the deep sea.  To clear myself of the charge of
+being a gypsy and a sheep-stealer, I should be compelled to expose my
+identity, and in doing so should but fall out of the frying-pan into
+the fire.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There was another side to the matter, equally black.  Whatever would
+happen to Cynthia?  Was she not left utterly destitute, without a
+friend, in a foreign country?  Even in the extreme unlikelihood of my
+regaining my freedom, neither of us would know where to seek the other,
+and thus at a time when it was so imperative that we should be
+together, we should be wrenched apart.  Look at the case as I might, I
+could derive no crumb of comfort from it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was in a great depression of spirit then that I was haled, weak,
+bleeding, and encumbered along the country lanes to meet my fate.  What
+it was likely to be I did not exactly know, but look at the matter how
+I would, there seemed to be but one natural ending to it.  I was parted
+from my poor little wife, doubtless for ever; and if I did not come to
+the gallows for murder or stealing sheep, I must perforce end my days
+in a debtor's prison.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap11"></a>
+CHAPTER XI
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+We had marched along for what seemed to me in my unhappy state an
+intolerable period, although I suppose actually the time was less than
+an hour, when we passed through the gates of a great house.  When the
+porter came out of his lodge to let us through, and held his lantern
+against the iron-work, I observed that the device of the family wrought
+therein had a strangely familiar appearance.  There was something about
+the porter too that awoke all sorts of remote recollections in my mind.
+As we went along the paths, even the situation of the trees that
+skirted them added to this impression.  And when we came at last on to
+the lawn, and the house itself was clearly exposed in the moonlight, a
+cry of surprise almost escaped my lips, for the place had once been my
+own.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was a house in which a great part of my boyhood had been spent, and
+one that I had inherited at my father's death.  It was but a little
+while that it remained in my hands, however, for one night, having lost
+much more than I cared about over a game of piquet, I think it was, in
+a desperate attempt to retrieve my fortunes, I staked this precious
+house upon the cards and lost it also, to a fellow as reckless as
+myself.  It is impossible to say, therefore, what my emotions were at
+this my strange return to the home of my childhood, and the seat for
+many a generation of those whose name I bore.  But I think that the
+first moment of recognition over, my tendency was towards laughter, for
+could anything have been more comical than that I should be brought in
+such a company, and on such a charge, to this of all the places in the
+world?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Even the fellow who replied to the summons on the great hall-door, I
+remembered nearly as well as my own father, for I ought to tell you
+that servants, furniture and plate had passed over with the property.
+We were kept waiting without whilst the head-constable or chief officer
+among our captors went in to confer with the magistrate.  In the end it
+was decided that we should be brought before the justice in person.  He
+was said to have been a prime mover in the matter from the first, and
+was highly incensed against the unfortunate gypsies.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"We could not have come to a worse place," said my friend the
+flute-player, who stood beside me.  "This is the house of Sir Thomas
+Wheatley, a hard man, and the biggest enemy to us poor folk of any one
+about.  If his name and interest count for anything, we shall all of us
+infallibly be hanged."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+There were eight of us prisoners, and we were presently led into Sir
+Thomas's presence.  When we were brought into the fine dining-room that
+I knew so well, every inch of which was so familiar to me, in which
+every object of vertu and article of furniture was a thing so well
+recollected that even in this predicament I could not refrain from
+regarding them with pride and affection, how can I indicate the flood
+of emotions that surged in my head?  After all, a man in the depths of
+his abandonment is something more than a piece of wood.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The justice was a common type of person enough; a man in middle life,
+who doubtless lived well and drank much, to judge by his purple cheeks
+and the somewhat puffed appearance of his body.  He was a middling sort
+of man in every way; middling in his stature, in his mind and in his
+character, and more especially so, as we were to discover, in his
+thoughts and ideas.  He affected the very nicest style of the squire in
+his dress, was highly formal in his deportment; and he sat playing
+cards with another fellow, apparently not so much for the amusement of
+himself or the entertainment of his friend, but rather as one who
+followed a dignified occupation in a dignified way.  In his every word,
+gesture and motion he had an indescribable air of one sitting for his
+picture.  He was in a towering rage, it is true, but it was a rage that
+appeared not to spring from the heat of his blood, for he was of that
+lethargic habit, which does not rise to heats of any sort.  He was in a
+towering rage, because it was expected of one of his position and
+sentiments to be in one at such a time.  Therefore, when we poor
+prisoners had been ranged along the wall, he put down his cards with
+great deliberation, slowly wheeled his chair round towards us, put
+together his thumbs, and looked us all over with a noble indignation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Soh!" says the justice, counting us carefully.  "One, two,
+three&mdash;eight of you fairly taken; eight cut-throat rogues that most
+richly merit a hanging.  And a hanging you shall get if there is any
+law left in the country.  I will commit you at once, so help me I will!
+Fetch me pen and ink somebody, and I'll fill in the mittimus.  I hope
+you are mightily ashamed of yourselves, you wicked, blackamoor
+villains."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Can you not see that they are, good Tommie?" says the man with whom he
+was playing at cards.  "They are as ashamed as the devil was when he
+singed the hairs on his tail through overheating his parlour."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The solemn justice was somewhat shocked at this piece of levity.  He
+frowned at his companion, and coughed to cover his annoyance.  The man
+who had spoken to this disconcerting tenor appeared rather a singular
+fellow.  It was difficult to say who or what he might be.  Of a rather
+massive frame, he had a countenance that recommended him to the
+curious.  His features were large and bold, with an aquiline nose, a
+devil of a chin, and a short upper lip.  His face shone with wassail
+and intemperate excess; there was a deal of sensuality in it, and more
+than a suggestion of coarseness, but it was for none of these things
+that it was remarkable.  There was something besides that was baffling
+and indescribable to a degree, that drew one's attention to it again
+and again.  It was a face of marvellous humorous animation, with the
+mockery of a devil and the candour of a saint.  It was as prodigal of
+wit as it was of appetite; of majesty and mischief; of impudence and
+nobility.  It was the face of a poet and a sot.  Here, apparently, was
+a great heart, a humane spirit overlaid with flesh and infirmities.  I
+think I was never so arrested by a countenance before, and certainly
+never more puzzled by one.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why do you propose to hang these gentlemen, Tommie?" says this
+whimsical fellow, with a mockery in his eyes and a curl of the lip that
+made the justice more uncomfortable than ever.  "Have they picked a few
+hazel-twigs off your honour's footpaths?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh lord, Harry, I pray you be a little serious," says the justice.
+"These are gypsies and sheep-stealers; villains and rascals all."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"They are beyond our prayers then," says Harry.  "The law must take its
+course.  Even if it could overlook the rape of the mutton, it could
+never condone the colour of their hair.  <i>Lex citius tolerare vult
+privatum damnum quam publicum malum</i>.  There you are as pat and
+pragmatical as Marcus Tullius Cicero.  I tell you, Tommie, the world
+lost a great lawyer when I became a hackney writer."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While this was going forward I had collected a few of my wits and had
+determined on the course to pursue.  Unless by hook or by crook I could
+seize these precious moments prior to our committal to prison in which
+to put myself right or regain my freedom, all chance would be gone.
+Jack Tiverton was as dear to the law as a sheep-stealing gypsy, and
+once before a judge I must prove myself to be the one before I could
+prove I was not the other.  Therefore I boldly seized the occasion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I beg your worship's pardon," says I, humbly; "but surely you will not
+commit a man without evidence?  And there is not a tittle of evidence
+against me.  I am neither a gypsy nor a sheep-stealer."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was several times interrupted in the course of this little address by
+one of our custodians, who continued to pluck at my sleeve, and
+enjoined me in audible whispers to hold my impertinent tongue.  The
+justice was astounded by my audacity in daring to address him, and grew
+as red and pompous as a turkey-cock.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"How dare you, fellow, talk to me?" says he.  "If I had the power I
+would commit you twice over for your insolent presumption, yes I would,
+so help me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes, Tommie, you would, so help you," says his friend.  "The spirit of
+Hector; ye speak like Priam's son.  How dare the fellow ask to hear the
+evidence when you have had the magnanimity to commit him without it?
+Does he forget too that when innocence ceases to suffer it will no
+longer be the highest wisdom to be a rogue?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was likely to profit nothing by these protestations of my innocence.
+This justice was evidently of the worst type of magistrate.  He was too
+high and mighty to imperil his preconceived opinions by entering into
+the merits of the matter.  He was too lofty to argue; too swollen with
+self-esteem to be affronted with facts.  All persons who were brought
+before him must be guilty of some crime or other, otherwise they would
+not have come there; and he held that he had discharged his office with
+credit to himself and with profit to his country when he had
+impartially committed them to gaol.  I soon came to the conclusion
+therefore that it would be impossible to prevail on a man of this mould
+with a simple relation of the case, or expect to meet with any
+suggestion of justice at his hands.  I must try a more uncompromising
+method; and that an exceedingly bold one.  I must prove to him beyond
+all doubt that I was far other than an ignorant gypsy, taking the risk
+of the revelation of my true identity, and any consequences that might
+ensue.  For that matter if I must go to gaol, I might just as well go
+there in the role of the defaulting nobleman as in that of the
+larcenous vagabond.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Disregarding all attempts on the part of the officers of the law to
+restrain me, I gazed about the spacious apartment with the air I might
+have worn had it still belonged to me, and says: "The old place is just
+as it was, I see.  But, my good Sir Thomas, it grieves me to observe
+that you have put your fat aunt by the side of a Rubens; and that you
+have not scrupled to set a pompous citizen in a tie-wig, who, to judge
+by a certain consanguinity of expression and countenance, was the
+illustrous man your father and a cheesemonger at that, cheek by jowl
+with one of Vandyck's gentlemen."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The justice was too incensed by this audacious speech to find words
+with which to reply to it.  He spluttered and stuttered himself to the
+verge of an apoplexy.  His friend took it far otherwise, however.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A hit, a palpable hit," says he, laughing heartily.  "I never heard a
+ripe thought better expressed.  And, damn it, Tommie, you deserve it
+too.  Your fat aunt, and your illustrious father the cheesemonger in a
+tie-wig, ha, ha, ha!  Our friend of the black eye and the bloody
+countenance is an amateur of the arts, a lover of the beautiful."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Remove the prisoners out of my presence," says the justice in a fury.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, no, Tommie," says his companion, "you go too fast.  Our friend is
+so monstrous good that I vow and I protest he must drink a glass of
+claret."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thereupon he countermanded the justice's order with a certain easy air
+of authority that was natural to him, which carried more weight than
+all the assumption of the magistrate.  This strange fellow, still
+chuckling, poured out a glass of wine from one of several bottles that
+adorned the table, and leaving his seat carried it over to me, despite
+the fact that he hobbled very badly with the gout.  When he stood up he
+was wonderfully imposing, being more than six feet tall, with an
+appearance of perfect breeding and majesty, for all his profligate
+looks and his free, laughing, jovial, devil-may-care manners.  As he
+offered me the glass of claret with a charming grace, I looked down at
+the cords that so tightly secured my wrists with an air of humorous
+deprecation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Here, hold this, and keep your long nose clear of the rim," says he,
+putting the wine into the hands of the astonished head-constable.  He
+then drew a knife from his pocket, and without more ado cut off my
+fetters.  As he did so an honest indignation seemed to run in him
+suddenly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What a dirty way to treat a gentleman!" he said.  "But you must excuse
+these low fellows; they are not to blame.  They have no discretion but
+simply to follow their calling.  They only know a hog by his bristles."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"As a former <i>custos rotulorum</i> for the county of Wilts, none knows
+that better than I, sir.  But I am vastly obliged to you, vastly
+obliged."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thereupon I drank the glass he so kindly handed to me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear sir," says he, with another great laugh, "that was not the
+work of a tyro.  There was a neatness and a deftness in the manner of
+it that must have cost you at least ten thousand liftings of the elbow
+to acquire.  You are as good to drink with as to talk to.  I'faith you
+must do me the honour of sitting at table, for you are a three-bottle
+man, or I have never seen one in the world."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+You may be sure that I was nothing loth to accept an invitation that
+was as unexpected as it was desirable.  The bewilderment of the
+justice, the constable and his men, and the poor gypsies too, was
+boundless as I briskly followed this extraordinary gentleman when he
+hobbled back to his chair, and promptly ensconced my disreputable self
+in one of the high-backed oaken seats of my forefathers, now so
+courteously placed at my disposal.  While he proceeded to refill my
+glass and his own too, the scandalized magistrate very naturally
+expostulated in the most vehement manner.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why, Harry, God save us all!" he cried, "have you gone horn-mad?  It
+is the most outrageous thing that ever was perpetrated.  I vow and
+protest, Harry, that you are gone stark mad to bring a thief and a
+gypsy to my table to share your cups.  It is unbearable, Harry, and
+'fore God I will not have it.  When this gets wind in the county they
+will deride me to death.  Lord, I shall get struck off the
+justice-roll."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your petitioner will ever pray," says Harry, while simultaneously we
+raised the distraught justice's good claret to our lips.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Taking my cue from the familiarity of my entertainer, I threw aside
+restraint and adopted the attitude of a guest in lieu of the humbler
+one of a prisoner.  Continuing to gaze about completely at my ease,
+says I, with that frank criticism that had been formerly so effective:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Things are no longer what they were.  This place hath deteriorated
+since I was in it last.  The city creeps into the ancestral hall;
+cheesemongery obtrudes itself.  Where formerly there were Old Masters
+and French Tales, there are now Bibles and bad prints.  But I rejoice
+to see that some few of my ancestors are still faithful to their
+old-time haunt.  My parents, my grand parents, my uncles, my cousins
+and my aunts, Vandycks, Lelys, and Knellers, and the devil knows who,
+are still assembled here, even to the replica of Sir Peter's picture of
+that nobleman, most illustrious of his race, who made a Commentary on
+the <i>Analects of Confucius</i>, the original of which I last saw in the
+shop of a Jew dealer the other day."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My singular acquaintance with the contents of his dining-room,
+evidently far more extensive than his own, was not without its effect
+on the justice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What is the meaning of all this, Harry?" he asked of my benefactor.
+"What is the fel&mdash;&mdash;what is the man talking of?  What does the man mean
+by his ancestors?  Who ever heard such impudence, such effrontery?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, Tommie," says his frank friend, "I'll lay my last guinea that he
+hath more right to call them his ancestors than their present owner."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A murrain take you," says the justice, more purple than before, for
+this was a stab in a tender place.  "Will you never learn to control
+your infernally long tongue?  And yet again must I ask you not to
+address me as Tommie when I am in the exercise of my high functions.
+Thomas if you like, or my full title would be still better on these
+occasions.  The King would not have conferred it upon me, were it not
+designed for use, and that he desired I should profit by it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+His friend nearly choked himself with laughter long before the justice
+had come through this solemn homily.  Indeed he could not recover his
+breath until he had poured himself out another glass of wine, and had
+refilled mine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You will kill me of laughing, Tommie, one of these days," says he.
+"If it were not that your claret is as good as any for thirty miles
+round London, I would never come near you.  How a man can keep such a
+good table and yet such a poor understanding is a thing I have never
+fathomed.  But I protest you will certainly kill me if you do not amend
+your mind a little."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Harry," says the justice sternly.  "I can never understand how it is
+that a grandson of the Earl of Denbigh, and a person of undeniable
+family and descent, should have such ungenteel manners."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Damn the Earl of Denbigh," says Harry, banging his fist on the table,
+"and you too, Tommie.  You can no more keep that fly out of the
+ointment, than a pig can his snout out of the muck."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What, sir," says I eagerly, "are you also cursed with a grandfather?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Aye, to be sure I am," says he.  "Though I'll thank no man that names
+him.  If it were not for my grandfather I could go to the devil in my
+own way."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why, my dear sir," says I, "never were there two such brothers in
+misfortune.  Your case is the very counterpart of mine."
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap12"></a>
+CHAPTER XII
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+While all this was going forward very eloquent glances were repeatedly
+exchanged between the justice and the head-constable.  They were both
+equally at a loss to know what to do in the matter.  Their plain duty
+was to have me removed in custody.  But this they could not very well
+do, seeing on what terms of intimacy I had already been placed.  There
+must be a grave mistake somewhere.  What it was they were too greatly
+puzzled to say, but the end of it all was that my fellow-prisoners were
+removed into the stables against the next morning, when they could be
+more conveniently taken to prison, whilst I for the nonce was allowed
+to remain seated at the table in the society of my whimsical friend.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sir Thomas's composure had been so rudely shaken that for a long time
+he could hardly venture on another word.  He sat watching us with a
+kind of stupefied horror, whilst we made short work of several bottles
+of his most excellent claret.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The true Falernian," says my companion, smacking his lips.  "I would
+that Roman fellow were here in the room of Tommie, who sits like a dead
+dog in a dry ditch.  I have remarked it before, and I remark it again,
+that I can never understand how it is that a man who can keep such a
+full-bodied, generous wine in his cellar should yet keep such a lean,
+ill-liberal heart in his body.  It is an internal paradox on which I
+break my brains anew.  You would think that one would cry out upon the
+other, and that they could live together no better than a keg of
+gunpowder and a live coal.  And how in the first place they ever came
+to be associated passes me.  Ring the bell, Tommie, and tell 'em to
+bring us up another bottle a-piece."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While Sir Thomas did so with the mechanical meekness of one well
+accustomed to obey, says I:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think I can give you ease on this last matter, sir.  Hath it never
+struck you that our host may have bought his cellar at the same shop
+that he bought his ancestors?  It sticks in my mind that I have met
+both his forebears and his vintages before.  Indeed, to come down to
+the details of this odd matter, I believe at the period of which I
+speak they may have had my name appended to them."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Shrewdly said, sir," says my companion; and then going on to another
+matter which I had sedulously been leading up to, for I had come to the
+conclusion that my one chance of ultimate escape lay in betraying
+myself entirely, continued: "You begin to interest me vastly.  I
+confess you are a man after my own heart.  I like your talk, I like
+your manner, the colour of your eye, the cock of your old beak,
+i'faith, I like you altogether.  You are the very perfect gentle guest;
+you abuse your host and drink his wine with the same impartial spirit.
+You bear the same relation to a gypsy as our club-footed Thomas does to
+the herald Mercury.  No, no, my good sir, it will not do; <i>ex ungue
+leonem</i>."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your compliments charm me," says I, raising the glass to my lips
+again, "but I could have wished, sir, that you had not nosed out my
+<i>incognito</i>.  It may be the source of a greater inconvenience than I
+care to think about, if it and I part company."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The blame is entirely your own, sir," says the other.  "Hercules
+should not try to hide behind an arbutus tree.  But no man ever had
+aught to fear from me, unless that man was myself.  To him, it is true,
+I have been a great enemy.  Yet I'll swear on my life that even that
+poor unlucky young man whose name is proscribed in this morning's
+news-letter would never be a penny the worse for revealing himself to
+such a rough fellow as me.  As for Tommie, I will answer for Tommie
+too.  It is true that Tommie hath weaknesses, but they are on the
+surface mostly.  If he can never forget that Nature had a hand in the
+fashioning of Sir T. Wheatley, Knight, and Justice of the Peace, and is
+in a sense a self-made man therefore, he nevertheless hath a very good
+heart.  I can answer for Tommie as for myself."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When he came to mention the "poor unlucky young man," I suppose I must
+have winced or blinked a little, or he was a marvellously subtle and
+keen observer, for after looking into my eyes, he slapped his hand on
+his thigh, and cried:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"By God, can it be?  Surely it is too whimsical, too fantastical.
+These things do not happen outside the story books."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Such a coincidence is a little after the manner of <i>Tom Jones</i>, to be
+sure, sir," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I suppose it was the word "story books" that led to my mentioning that
+immortal novel which at that moment held all the town in a spell of
+wonder and delight.  But no sooner had I uttered the magic name of <i>Tom
+Jones</i> than I thought I saw my companion's flushed face flush deeper
+than ever, and at the same instant my mind was assailed with a dozen
+points of recognition.  In a flash I jumped to the conclusion that I
+was being entertained by the author of that inimitable work.  For a
+moment we sat regarding one another with the frankest amusement.  Then
+my companion took up his glass, and lifting it slowly to his lips, says:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Lord Tiverton."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thereupon I followed his polite example; and when the glass was at my
+lips, says I:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Mr. Henry Fielding."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Upon that we fell a-laughing wildly, and wrung one another warmly by
+the hand.  Now that the murder was out we grew closer in
+good-fellowship.  Had we not shown proofs of an admirable sagacity in
+our previous respect for one another?  The magistrate, however, was
+aghast.  No sooner was he acquainted with my name than he was beset
+with his manifest duty as a justice of the peace.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"As you are a refugee from the law, my lord," says he, looking
+anxiously at me and then at Fielding, "I fear that I have no
+alternative other than to hand you over to the proper authorities.  You
+see, as one holding his Majesty's commission of the peace for this
+county, I am precluded from giving way to any private feelings I might
+entertain in the matter, but must do my plain and obvious duty, however
+it be opposed to the dictates of my heart."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The dignity and the rather florid effect of this speech, which I will
+do Sir Thomas the justice of saying was very well meant, was utterly
+spoiled by Mr. Fielding's reception of it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come down off the high horse, Tommie, if you love me," says he.  "Be
+damned to the dictates of your heart and your duty too.  Do strive to
+be natural, Tommie; if you would but be content to be natural I would
+suffer you gladly, for at bottom you are as good a fellow as I know.
+But when you get on these magisterial airs of yours a common mortal
+cannot touch you with a six-foot pole."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That is all very well, Harry," says Sir Thomas, "but you forget my
+responsibilities."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"There you go again," says Fielding.  "Be damned to your
+responsibilities.  Come and drink a glass of good claret with us and
+forget yourself, your office, your dignity, your wig, your knighthood,
+and your laced coat for a brief five minutes.  Perpend, Tommie,
+perpend; and for the nonce consent to be a human being."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Would you have me, then," says the magistrate, "sit down with a man in
+my own house, knowing him to be a great criminal?  How can I possibly
+entertain such a person?  Were I to do so I should be altogether
+unworthy of the high trust that hath been reposed in me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Fielding scratched his wig.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A very moral sentiment," says he, "but all the morality in the world
+is not worth a penn'orth of humanity."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sir," says I warmly, "I am grateful to you.  You can scarcely know how
+an example such as yours helps a drowning man to keep his head above
+the flood that is like to overwhelm him.  But I think I owe it to
+myself to lessen the weight of Sir Thomas's responsibilities, by
+assuring you that I am innocent of the horrid crime with which I am
+charged.  The poor fellow came by his end in a fair fight; and
+therefore if you can only overlook the sums I owe my creditors, you may
+relieve your scruples."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am more than glad of these assurances," says the justice.  "A great
+load is taken off my mind."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"On the contrary," says Mr. Fielding, "they make not a farthingworth of
+difference to me.  I care not if you are the most long-suffering peer
+that ever went to the dogs, or if you are the greatest villain that
+ever tried to dodge the gallows.  What's the odds?  You are a proper
+enough fellow for all rational purposes.  Certainly I would not choose
+to meet Mr. Jack Sheppard in a lonely lane on a dark night, but I would
+as willingly drink a bottle with a lad of his mettle just as well as
+with another.  If a man shall bear himself gallantly at table, with a
+merry courage and a kindling eye, who am I that shall ask uncivil
+questions of him?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Whatever Mr. Henry Fielding's philosophy, and it seemed to have a
+savour of that of the late eminent Sir John Falstaff, Knight, he was a
+fine merry companion, who asked no better of the hour and the company
+in which he sat than that they should consort with his humour.  After a
+while his wit, his gallant spirits, and his brave bearing before the
+bottle did not fail of their effect upon the justice too.  That staid
+and pompous fellow resisted them for a time, but as first one and then
+another bottle was numbered among the slain, and our tongues grew
+looser as our brains grew warm, he fell at last from his high estate
+and was seduced into a course that ill consisted with his sentiments.
+When he had accepted several glasses from Mr. Fielding's own fair hands
+he began to grow rather thicker in his speech, weighed his words less,
+and showed several signs of having departed from his usual habit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You can see," says Mr. Fielding, winking at me, "that our gallant
+Tommie hath been nurtured on cinnamon-water and Dr. Akenside's sermons.
+I should say that four glasses are about the limit of him; five, and he
+goes over the verge."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although both Mr. Fielding and I had already accommodated a far greater
+quantity than the magistrate, we had served such a much longer
+apprenticeship to this business (the shame is our own) that whereas we
+were scarcely conscious as yet of what we had drunk, the square-toed
+Sir Thomas was already hanging out his evidences.  Now no sooner did I
+observe this disposition in him than I was taken with a scheme by which
+my poor fellow-prisoners incarcerated in the stables outside were to
+profit.  Whatever my shortcomings, I would never have it said of me
+that I left a friend in the lurch.  These poor gypsies had given us of
+their hospitality; that in itself therefore was enough of a reason why
+I should endeavour to spare them a hanging.  Therefore I suggested the
+matter to my companion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Do you think, sir," says I, "that we can get our good magistrate drunk
+enough to be worked on to give the order for the release of my poor
+friends the gypsies?  It is like to go very hard with them, I fear,
+unless we can find some such way as this to aid them."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is very well thought on," says this truly humane fellow, without so
+much as pausing to consider the matter.  "Leave this jocund old
+justicer to me, and I'll answer for it that the king's enemies shall
+get a free pardon.  Now then, Tommie, by your leave I'll name a toast.
+We will drink to Law and Order.  Fill up, Tommie, and no heel-taps."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+So thoroughly did Mr. Fielding enter into this plan, that very soon Sir
+Thomas began to babble in his talk with a most unwonted levity, and
+even essayed to sing a song.  With such assiduity was he plied, that he
+presently advanced stage by stage, until my companion considered him to
+be sufficiently primed for this business.  Thereon Fielding rang the
+bell and ordered the head-constable, who with his men was keeping guard
+over the premises, to be brought to him.  When that worthy presented
+himself, Mr. Fielding says with an inimitable glib audacity:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sir Thomas, after much weighing of the merits of this case, hath come
+to the conclusion that the evidence is not sufficient to send these
+prisoners for trial.  He is sensibly fearful of some miscarriage of
+justice, the more particularly as one of their number that you brought
+before him hath turned out on an examination to be anything but what he
+was represented.  Therefore Sir Thomas bids me to inform you that he
+hath decided to remit these charges.  And he would have you release
+these people at once, that they may go about their business.  And when
+you have done this, you are to take your men to the kitchen, where they
+are to have a good supper of beef and ale, and they can then repair to
+their homes.  And at least this course, this somewhat extreme course I
+may say, that Sir Thomas hath decided on will save you all from a long
+and weary vigil in the night air."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However surprised the head-constable was at this unexpected turn of
+events, he was by no means disposed to cavil at it, since the only way
+in which the fate of the gypsies could affect himself was the one that
+Mr. Fielding had so adroitly indicated.  Not so the scandalized
+justice.  Fuddled as he was, he had enough wit left to apprehend what
+was going forward.  But he had not enough, however, to interpose his
+authority in a way that was at all likely to take effect.  At all his
+thick and nearly inarticulate protests, his friend Mr. Fielding kept
+hushing and soothing him down, with highly eloquent and imploring
+gestures.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh lord, Tommie," he would say, "I pray you have a care.  Here am I
+trying to conceal the fact that you are abominably drunk, and yet you
+will flaunt it and advertise it, before the servants too.  Think of
+your own dignity, Tommie, I beseech you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Whereon the head-constable would rub his coat-sleeve across his face to
+conceal his laughter.  Sir Thomas would grunt and wriggle and writhe
+his tipsy protests, and his friend, Mr. Fielding, with the oddest
+mingling of sorrow, amusement, and solemnity, apparently struggled to
+put the best face he could on the justice's scandalous behaviour.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap13"></a>
+CHAPTER XIII
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+It was in this agreeable fashion that my unlucky friends obtained their
+release.  The justice was in no condition to cope with Mr. Fielding's
+peremptory ways; and the constable, seeing and caring nothing beyond
+the advantage to his own personal comfort, was not at all disposed to
+wait until the magistrate was in a better condition to express his
+opinions and good pleasure.  Thus he bowed to Sir Thomas whilst that
+inarticulate gentleman was still wrestling with his thick speech,
+assured him his will should be obeyed, and that he would see to it that
+his officers made a good supper in the kitchen, and took his departure
+without any reluctance whatever.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"So much for that matter," says Mr. Fielding, highly pleased with the
+success of his own ingenuity.  "We have robbed the gallows of eight
+good necks and true, which is, I think, a pretty liberal evening's
+work.  Yet as this is a night for good works, let us spend it
+fittingly.  Ring the bell, Tommie, ring the bell.  The last of these
+bottles died a full two minutes ago."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Unfortunately Sir Thomas was in no condition at this stage to comply
+with such a request, and Mr. Fielding had perforce to perform that
+office himself.  A fresh relay of wine was brought, and our glasses
+were filled up again.  Sitting here in the midst of these insidious
+allurements, well found in all bodily comfort and good companionship,
+it needed but a corresponding ease of mind to be as perfectly content
+as Mr. Fielding himself.  I had been most providentially delivered from
+a very real and immediate peril, had contributed to the saving of eight
+poor people from the gallows, and had exchanged the cold night for a
+far happier sanctuary; but with all this, I was nearly at the verge of
+despair.  Where was Cynthia?  What had happened to that poor child, and
+how could we hope to come together again!  Neither of us knew in which
+direction the other had gone; and to search for each other in that dark
+night was clearly impossible, seeing how complete was our ignorance of
+the neighbouring country.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In my distraught state I mentioned my unhappy case to Mr. Fielding.
+He, with the sanguine temper that seemed to be so strangely
+characteristic of him, pooh-poohed my fears, and swore that all would
+come right by the morning.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I will wager you the last guinea I have got in the world," says he,
+"which by the way I borrowed from Tommie to bear me back to Fleet
+Street to-morrow, that you will see her pretty face in this parlour
+before you are prepared to leave it.  Why, man, if she hath any wit at
+all she will remain with the gypsies until they discover whither you
+have been taken, and then she will come to Tommie with a mighty long
+tale and a mighty heart-moving countenance.  I suppose it is that my
+wit runs wonderfully clear to-night, for I confess I can see the whole
+course of this matter as plain as the back of my hand."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Fielding declared his opinions with such an energy, that in spite
+of myself I half subscribed to them.  Indeed, as he pointed out,
+nothing could be done by repining.  But as he followed up this last
+sage reflection in a manner peculiarly his own, no less than by the
+opening of a new bottle, I am not sure that the occasion itself was not
+the source of his wisdom.  "<i>Vino diffigiunt mordaces curæ</i>," says he,
+"an old, old tag, but a monstrous good one.  Come, my dear fellow, do
+not spoil the excellent impression you have already made.  I am sure to
+mump and moan is not in you; besides, you would be the last to have
+yourself numbered among the Tommies of the world, the half-bottle men.
+You are capable to bear me company for many an hour yet.  Come, let us
+grapple with melancholy and put him to sleep."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I was in such a state of maudlin misery by this, thanks to the wine I
+had already drunk, and my dubious speculation in regard to Cynthia,
+that I soon fell a-prey to Mr. Fielding's importuning.  That lusty
+full-blooded fellow was not to be denied.  As I accepted glass after
+glass of the insidious liquor from his hands, I felt my resolution
+weaken as of old, and that same sense of large content and utter
+heedlessness of the morrow steal upon me.  As my brain grew hotter and
+heavier and less capable of thinking and doing, Cynthia's absence grew
+less poignant to it, and my own situation of the moment more perfectly
+acceptable.  It was truly Elysian to sit in this warm room and in this
+mellow society, after having been without a roof to one's head and in
+such peril for so many hours.  The sense of abandoning oneself by slow
+degrees and against one's proper judgment to this forbidden pleasure,
+was fraught with a delight that it is only in the power of the illicit
+to bestow.  At the same time that I knew Mr. Fielding's point of view
+was specious and worthless, <i>vide</i> the teachings of a bitter
+experience, I could hardly find it in my heart to resist his wit, the
+compliment of his good-fellowship, his whole-hearted gaiety.  He was
+such a lovable spirit that he would have seduced the first of the
+Pharisees to hang with him at Tyburn, for the sake of the
+companionship.  It would have taken sterner stuff than was ever in me
+to deny or resist him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was not long before the justice was so overcome by the contents of
+his cellar that he drooped his head on the table and straightway fell
+fast asleep.  Mr. Fielding, who was himself so seasoned that his face
+hardly shone as yet, laughed, and says with a kind of kingly pity:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What a penny-halfpenny haberdasher of a man it is!  <i>C'est un vrai
+épicier</i>.  Strip him of his paunch, his purse, and his knighthood, and
+there remains one who hath no more parts than a Presbyterian.  If I
+were old Sir John, I would undertake to make a better man out of a
+cheese paring.  It is a pretty behaviour in him, when we are sitting at
+this table, bearing ourselves so gallantly before his claret.  But
+after all, I would prefer that his honour should speak with his nose
+rather than with his mouth.  Both organs are equally witty; and we are
+under no obligation to answer his lustiest performances in that style."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was not long before I began to feel some inklings of a disposition
+to imitate Sir Thomas.  Fortunately Mr. Fielding did not observe it in
+me; and he on his side was so brisk and jovial-hearted that he easily
+found enough of conversation for us both.  And he was so prolific that
+I am sure he would have been the last to notice it.  My bosom was no
+longer torn with the same pain when my thoughts reverted to Cynthia.
+My wits were so deadened that I had a sort of sweet sorrow instead; the
+sorrow whose expression is an amiable snuffling melancholy, and a
+tender reflection on the days that are past.  I was fast sinking into
+the depths of this maudlin condition, when a diversion occurred that
+mercifully kept me from it, even as my mind tottered on the brink.  A
+servant entered with the information that a woman was at the hall door
+demanding to see the justice on a most particular business.  In an
+instant a great possibility possessed me completely, and startled me
+out of the bibulous lassitude that was creeping upon me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What kind of a woman?" I asked eagerly, "A very beautiful woman, a
+most adorably beautiful woman, with the voice of a nightingale and as
+dainty in her carriage as, as&mdash;&mdash;  Fielding, an you love me, give me a
+simile&mdash;as dainty as&mdash;&mdash;"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The swift Camilla," says he instantly, "the virgin Volscian queen, as
+she
+</p>
+
+<p class="poem">
+'Flies o'er th' unbending corn, or skims along the main,'
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+in the crude language of the crookbacked Twickenham bard.  If you were
+not so drunk I would give it you in Virgil's eleganter tongue."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I don't know what the female's like in her carriage," says the fellow,
+regarding us both with a very natural bewilderment, "for she's not come
+in no carriage, do you see.  She's come afoot.  But she's a shortish
+wench, with a pert tongue, and she's a-crying like fun."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Prosaic as this description was, and sensibly differing as it did from
+the one I had furnished, I was sure that the female was no other than
+Cynthia.  That there could be other shortish wenches in the world with
+pert tongues, who were capable of crying like fun, never entered my
+head.  It may have been that I had so continually brooded on her fate,
+or the guilt of my conscience was so keen as to lead me to this
+conclusion on such slender grounds.  Relieved as I was, I yet had some
+twinges of contrition.  Despite my heavy-witted state I was fully alive
+to it, and mightily uneasy as to the figure I must make in her eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A pretty kettle of fish," says I, "that I should be as drunk&mdash;&mdash;"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"As a lord," suggested Mr. Fielding.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"As drunk as a lord on our wedding-day.  I pray you have pity on my
+state, sir, and help me out as much as you can."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear fellow," says Mr. Fielding, "this is no sort of talk.  It is
+unworthy of you.  Why, nothing could have been better contrived, sir.
+Can anything be more commendable than that a man should begin as he
+means to go on.  One cannot begin too soon to bring up one's wife
+properly."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Poor little toad," says I.  "When she sees me like this I am sure she
+will weep more bitterly."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Hath she never seen you drunk before?" says Fielding.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Never," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is time she did then," says he.  "But after all, as it is your
+wedding-day there may be some little reason for your perturbation.  She
+is still the first woman in Christendom, I suppose, and you are still
+the true prince.  It can contribute nothing to the welfare of either
+for you to be seen at such little advantage.  Get thee behind the
+screen there and leave this to me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Having still enough wit to be fully aware of my unfortunate condition;
+and being at the same time assailed with many pangs for having so
+callously sat down to my ease before the bottle, whilst I was seemingly
+content to allow her to roam the night to find me, I felt truly
+shamefaced and hangdog.  I was but too ready therefore to embrace any
+proposal that might alleviate my position.  Certainly Mr. Fielding had
+a much better command of himself than I had, and was therefore much
+more fitted to receive her.  Besides, I was so deeply imbued with my
+desperate case that I counted on his ready wit to shield me from an
+exposure.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Therefore I stumbled into concealment behind the screen, and drunk as I
+was, I was sufficiently sober to follow and to keenly appreciate the
+whimsical scene that was enacted before my eyes.  Sir Thomas being
+hopelessly surrendered to Morpheus, Mr. Fielding profanely assumed his
+character.  But at least the mad rogue played it with a far finer
+spirit and <i>abandon</i> than the justice could have done.  When my poor
+little Cynthia was ushered in, for she it was undoubtedly, he rose,
+gout and all, to greet her, and bowed very low.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Pray take a seat, madam, pray take a seat," says he, with an
+inimitable gesture of politeness.  "And if there is any small service
+that you would have me render you you have only to put a name to it,
+and you may consider it rendered."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My poor little one, who was very pale and trembled with apprehension,
+peered out of the hood of her cloak with the tears still in her eyes.
+Despite Mr. Fielding's obvious gallantry she gazed at him with a dim
+distrust, and then cast a look of downright fearfulness in the
+direction of the heavy-slumbering Sir Thomas.  It was the first time I
+had been in a situation to observe these feminine timidities in her,
+and methought they enhanced her a hundredfold.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I would not have you regard that fuddle-witted fellow, madam," says
+Mr. Fielding, mad wag as he was.  "He is but a common hackney writer of
+a man, Henry Fielding by name, who hath come out of Grub Street to take
+the country air.  And the country air hath proved too strong for him,
+do you see.  Do not regard that fellow, madam: believe me he is quite
+unworthy of your attention."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The excess of chivalry with which this was uttered did something to
+compose poor Cynthia; though why such flummery should have imposed upon
+her I cannot tell.  Even a parcel of lies, if it is made up into the
+semblance of a delicate attention, can do a great work with that sex,
+apparently.  Anyhow, Cynthia sufficiently overcame her trepidation to
+find the courage to ask:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Are you Sir Thomas Wheatley, sir?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You can call me that, madam," says Mr. Fielding.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then do you know anything of my&mdash;my husband?" says Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your husband, madam," says he.  "I did not know that you had a
+husband.  Since when have you had a husband, madam?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At this point Cynthia blushed divinely.  All her proverbial pertness
+was fled.  The situation was too great for the foibles she had
+acquired.  She stood forth in her strange predicament just a simple
+rustic maid, who longed to express her misery in tears, but was too
+proud to do so.  Thus, with an ingenuousness that I had never observed
+in her before, she faltered:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Since&mdash;since this morning, sir."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Since this morning, madam," says Fielding, "and you have lost him
+already.  Is it credible?  He did not leave you at the church door, I
+hope."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"He did not leave me at all, sir," says Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then if he did not leave you at all, madam, why is he not with you
+now?" says Mr. Fielding.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Little by little, with numberless hesitations and small attempts at
+concealment on her part, and many sly quips and verbal quibbles on his
+own, the roguish fellow drew out of her a fair account of the state of
+the case.  Cynthia's anxiety to conceal her husband's name and how he
+came to be placed in such an unhappy pass, afforded Mr. Fielding a
+great deal of pleasure.  He was continually springing awkward questions
+upon her with a wonderful appearance of judicial innocence; and to
+observe the unfortunate chit wriggle and contort herself out of many an
+awkward corner was as good as a play.  It was a cruel sport, perhaps,
+and I half thought it so at the time; but I am sure Fielding did not
+hold it to be such, for I do not think it was in him wittingly to give
+pain to anyone.  This whimsical by-play was really directed against me,
+for when he had got her into a more than usually tight corner he would
+look at me, as I frowned at him from my hiding-place, with a face that
+dared me to intervene.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am afraid, madam," says Fielding, "you are not dealing with me quite
+fairly.  I must really assure you that this repeated and noticeable
+concealment&mdash;I can use no less explicit term&mdash;of your husband's name is
+most embarrassing.  With the best will in the world to serve your
+interests, and to aid you to the extent of my poor ability, how can I
+give you any information about your husband if you will not take me far
+enough into your confidence to vouchsafe me his name?  Even though I am
+a justice of the peace, I do not pretend to any supernatural knowledge.
+I am no mystery-reader, nor a worker of miracles."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Poor Cynthia's dilemma was desperate.  She did not know how to act.  I
+shook my fist at the wicked wag, and began to wish heartily that I had
+not added to my other weaknesses by shirking the consequences of them.
+I longed to come to her aid.  But I had less desire than ever to expose
+myself now; and after all here was a very pretty comedy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come, come, madam," says Mr. Fielding.  "I would not have you trifle
+with justice in this manner.  What is your husband's name?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"His name is Smith," says she at last, taking the name we had been
+married in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The pseudo-justice expressed his disappointment.  He grieved to say
+that to the best of his knowledge no person of that name had called
+upon him that evening.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But he was among the gypsies that were brought to your house this
+evening," Cynthia persisted.  "What is become of them?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Is your husband a gypsy, madam?" says he.  "I should have thought it
+not at all likely, to judge by the appearance of his wife?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, he is not," says she.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then why is he concerned with gypsies in such a scandalous charge?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At every turn the mischievous fellow contrived some new means of
+embarrassing her story; and at the same time he embarrassed my patience
+also, as he very well knew.  But it was quite in vain for me to publish
+my threats from behind the screen.  Both of us were delivered into his
+hands.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am disappointed that he was among the gypsies, madam," says he,
+"since they were discharged and sent away several hours ago."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh," says Cynthia eagerly, "how glad I am to hear that!"  But then her
+face fell.  "How may I find him?" she says, very anxiously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nay, madam," says Fielding, "that is more than I can tell.  But I am
+disappointed to hear that his name is Smith.  You are sure his name is
+Smith, madam?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia hesitated between hope and fear.  Could it be possible that my
+true name had been discovered, and that concealment was no longer
+desirable or necessary?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is most strange, madam," says her relentless persecutor, "that you
+should not be certain of the name of your own husband.  I suppose you
+could not by any chance have made a mistake in regard to the name of
+him?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I might have done," poor Cynthia faltered; whilst I felt such an
+overpowering desire to execute a prompt vengeance on the wretch that it
+was as much as I could do to remain in my seclusion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, if you might have done," says he, "his name could not by any
+chance have begun with a 'T.'  Could his name be something like 'Tivy,'
+or 'Tantivy'?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Poor Mrs. Cynthia had completely lost her bearings by this.  She was
+utterly nonplussed, and looked at the wicked Fielding as helplessly as
+a child.  She was still unable to overcome her scruples about revealing
+my real name.  To do so to a justice of the peace of all people in the
+world was like to be a most imprudent act.  But at the same time she
+could not rid her mind of the thought that he already knew more than he
+would tell.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Tivy or Trivy or Tantivy," says Mr. Fielding; "you are sure his name
+is nothing of that sort?  Now could it by any chance be Tiverton?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At this mention of my name Cynthia was unable to go further with her
+imposture.  With a face of much confusion and distress she made the
+confession.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, madam," says Mr. Fielding reproachfully, "why could you not have
+said so at once without so much beating about the bush?  Really the
+name of Smith was too facile, too obvious.  Now as it happens, I am in
+a position to know where my Lord Tiverton is."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, sir," says Cynthia, clasping her hands, "I beseech you to tell me
+of his whereabouts."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes, my dear madam," says Mr. Fielding, "that I will, on one
+condition."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mrs. Cynthia eagerly asked it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That you give me a kiss," says Mr. Fielding.  "I vow and protest,
+madam, I never saw a creature more divinely handsome."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My breath was almost taken away by the audacity of the villain, as I
+fear he had intended that it should be.  But what could I contribute to
+the situation beyond a few impotent threats, made in dumb show?  I was
+never had at a greater disadvantage in my life?  It was in vain that
+Cynthia evaded the demand, and besought him by the name of humanity to
+tell her where I lay.  The spirit of mischief in the fellow, inflamed
+by the quantity of wine he had drunk, caused him to brook no denial.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come, my dear madam," says he, "one kiss from those dainty lips is all
+I seek.  Then i'faith shall you know where your husband lies."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You are no gentleman, sir," says Cynthia, with more spirit than she
+had yet shown.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, only a justice of the peace," says he.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is cruel of you," says Cynthia, flaming, "to drive such a bargain
+in these circumstances.  You know it is not in my power to say you nay
+when so much is at stake."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To be sure I do," says he, favouring me with a triumphing look.  "And
+as for the cruelty of it, surely the onus of that matter lies with you.
+Is it not your adorable sex that provokes that which it denies?  It is
+ever a point with me that if I can ever take any little revenge upon
+you, I take it with an easy conscience, knowing full well that you
+beauteous ladies have scored up such a heavy tally of cruelties as can
+never be expunged.  Besides, madam, where is this cruelty you speak of?
+Am I not at least as well favoured as this ugly profligate Lord
+Tiverton of yours; and is there not the additional advantage of my not
+being your lawful wedded husband?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I would that Lord Tiverton were here to hear you say this," says
+Cynthia indignantly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Bah," says Mr. Fielding, "the water-blooded fellow, I would that he
+were too, then I with five pints of good claret in me would prove upon
+his miserable person how mean a figure he doth cut."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was with the utmost difficulty that I could hold back at this
+challenge.  I might be very drunk, and therefore doubly disposed to
+resent such wanton insults; but I was also sober enough to be aware
+that they were not prompted by ill-nature.  It was a piece of mischief
+merely.  We were entirely at his mercy, and he proposed to torment us
+to death.  Could a fourth person have witnessed this play, he would
+have found it a truly diverting affair.  First Cynthia was made to
+writhe, and then I; and then both of us together; yet at the same time
+each quite unknown to the other; whilst the audacious rogue of a fellow
+mocked at us both, and defied us to prevent ourselves being made
+ridiculous.  The unfortunate Cynthia was led on by his disparagement of
+me to take up the cudgels warmly on my behalf.  The sly look of
+satisfaction that shone in him when she did so, was proof enough, if
+any were needed, that she was still ministering to his diversion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I give you the lie there, sir," says she angrily.  "How dare you
+presume to malign such a noble brave gentleman!  You utter behind his
+back that which you dare not utter to his face."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Good a thousand times," says Mr. Fielding.  "This is delightful.
+Harkee, my noble, brave gentleman, and tell me if I do not utter it to
+your face!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I clenched my fists; I vowed to myself I would not suffer this impudent
+sport another minute.  But then there was no gainsaying that I was
+abominably drunk; that my pretty innocent was but a child; and that it
+was our wedding-day.  Come what may, I must bear with the fellow's mad
+humour for the present, and requite him in a more seasonable hour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia might be angry and I extremely discomposed, but Mr. Fielding
+still pressed his jest.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, madam, I will not be put off with your arrogance," says he.  "I
+demand one token from those charming lips as the price of the
+satisfaction that you seek."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Covered with a modest confusion, Cynthia was preparing to comply with
+this demand unwillingly enough, when I was no longer able to contain my
+just resentment.  Whatever the consequences, we should not be flouted
+so.  Therefore as the impudent fellow was in the very act of forcing
+this concession from her, I threw caution to the winds, and sprang
+forth from my concealment in a violent rage.  I aimed a mighty blow at
+Mr. Fielding's head; but what with my impetuosity, combined with my
+drunken condition, I miscalculated the distance sadly, and instead of
+getting home on that audacious person, missed him entirely, and fell
+full length at Cynthia's feet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Between her distressed exclamations and Mr. Fielding's immoderate
+laughter I was got up again, to find myself a little sobered by the
+fall.  With a joyful recognition of me, and a truly withering glance of
+contempt for Mr. Fielding, neither of which I can positively depict,
+Cynthia fell into my arms, and showered upon me those salutes Mr.
+Fielding had been so importunate to obtain.  But I must confess that I
+received them with a great deal more of shame than pleasure; for Mr.
+Fielding regarded us with such a degree of boisterousness, that the
+bitter fact suddenly came upon me that in my guilt I had committed her
+to the tender mercies of a person even more drunk than I was myself.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap14"></a>
+CHAPTER XIV
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+AMANTIUM IRÆ
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+"Curse my jacket," says the drunken fellow, "if this is not the first
+time I have kissed a wife in the presence of her husband."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It shall be the last, sir," I hiccoughed furiously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"What words are these to use before a lady?" says Mr. Fielding, amiably
+measuring out glasses of wine for the three of us.  "If I were not the
+most easy man in the world, I vow and protest it should be coffee and
+pistols at five."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"By God, sir, it shall be whatever you are," says I, holding on by the
+table.  "I swear I will pup&mdash;punish you for this."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, as you are determined to pup&mdash;punish me," says he, "here is
+another glass of Tommie's claret, another hair of the dog that bit you,
+to confirm you in that meritorious resolve."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As he laughingly offered me the glass of wine, Cynthia came forward and
+took it from him.  But instead of giving it to me, she flung both the
+wine and the glass in his face.  Whereon he stood with the claret
+dripping from his features, and the blood too where the broken glass
+had cut his forehead, so that he made the very picture of his own
+Parson Adams, when he was assailed in a similar way by the hostess of
+the inn with the pan of hog's blood.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Poor Cynthia stood white and trembling, but she never once looked at me
+for counsel or countenance.  The tears were in her eyes too, but she
+never uttered so much as a word of reproach, although I am sure her
+misery was very great.  I never felt such a mean villain and coward in
+my life as I did then.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come," says she, "let us leave these&mdash;these people."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here she threw such a glance at the sleeping justice that must have
+pierced him to the marrow had he but been conscious of it.  By this,
+however, Mr. Fielding with the aid of his silk handkerchief had wiped a
+good deal of the wine and blood from his features, and stood staunching
+the wound on his forehead.  A more truly whimsical expression I never
+observed in any man before.  There was a highly comic look of
+contrition, humility, and self-abnegation in him, and withal an air of
+the most perfect good-breeding, that could not possibly have been more
+contrary to his appearance.  Although Cynthia was white and speechless
+with anger, and she had made what might easily have been construed into
+a very unprovoked attack on a benefactor, Mr. Fielding behaved,
+whatever his faults, as only a true gentleman could have done.
+Cynthia's act had brought him to his senses; he saw that he had pushed
+the matter too far; but after all he did not apprehend, as I more
+shrewdly did, that the head and front of his offending lay, not so much
+in his own conduct, as in that he had been the inspirer of mine.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I crave a thousand pardons of you, madam," says he, "if I have been so
+unlucky as to carry a jest farther than a jest should go.  Perchance it
+was not conceived in quite the best taste at the outset; but at least I
+make you all amends.  I am sure I am your duteous humble servant,
+madam, if you will but permit me to be so."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Only a person with the instincts of a true gentleman could have shown
+such a punctilious regard for the feelings of another, and such a
+disregard for his own.  For in a sense he had been deeply provoked, and
+had suffered more indignity on his own part than any that he had
+inflicted on Mrs. Cynthia.  But no, my little madam refused to be
+mollified by his humble demeanour.  She looked steadily past him, as
+though he had ceased to be there at all.  Upon that my own brief spirit
+of anger cooled down immediately; for certainly I thought, considering
+his unhappy plight, poor Fielding was playing a very gallant part.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think there is enough said, sir," says I, striving to speak as
+articulately as possible.  "I am sure you do very well; and I am
+equally sure that the apologies should not be all on your side."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Whereon we grasped the hand of one another, and were sworn friends
+again.  Yet although Cynthia would not deign to notice my behaviour one
+way or the other, on the other hand, greatly to Mr. Fielding's
+distress, she would not condone the conduct of that honest fellow.  Her
+imperviousness hurt him the more, I think, because he did not apprehend
+the true reason for it.  She could have forgiven his having smoked her
+so badly, but what she could not forgive was that he had made her
+husband drunk.  I dare say it was that she was acting on the invariable
+principle that a woman will never own her lord and master in the wrong
+to a third person.  And as she must vent her anger on some one, and she
+could not very well vent it on me, the true culprit, Mr. Fielding was
+made to suffer vicariously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come, Jack," says she haughtily, disdaining Mr. Fielding's repeated
+solicitude; "let us wipe the foulness of this disgraceful place off our
+feet.  If daylight came and caught us in it, I could never respect
+myself again."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The stress of these events had done a great deal for my sobriety.  I
+was still acutely conscious of my condition, but I had recovered enough
+of my wits to be able to battle with it successfully.  That being the
+case, I clearly saw that my little one was like to do a great injustice
+to Mr. Fielding.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Cynthia," says I, "I conceive you do not know what we owe to the
+generosity of this gentleman.  Had it not been for his friendly offices
+I should have been still in the hands of the constables."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I had rather you had," says she cruelly, "than that you should have
+passed into his."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Not only was I hurt by such arbitrary behaviour; I was angered by it
+too.  It seemed monstrous that so small a fault in a liberal character
+should be allowed to outweigh the essential goodness of it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Cynthia," says I, "I trust you will not refer to our benefactor in
+these terms.  He is far too good a friend of ours to merit your
+reproaches."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mrs. Cynthia lifted her chin again, and disdained to reply.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come," says I, "I would have you take back the expressions you have
+used towards him.  For I am sure no man merited them less."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Never," says she.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The lady is overwrought a little," says Mr. Fielding, coming gallantly
+if somewhat unwisely to my aid.  "Is she not weary and distrest?  Sir
+Thomas, were he not otherwise engaged, would be delighted to place a
+chamber at madam's disposal for the remainder of this evening.  May I
+have the honour to do so in his name, for I am sure she is in a great
+need of repose?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I thank you, sir," says Cynthia coldly, "but I am surprised that you
+should presume to propose a service that you must know, after what hath
+passed, must be highly distasteful to me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You do the gentleman a great wrong," says I, with some heat.  "And I
+am sure, madam, when you look at this matter more reasonably, you will
+be the first to acknowledge it.  I thank you, sir, from the bottom of
+my heart for this kind offer, also for those other services you have
+rendered to us; and I beg to accept it of you, sir, in the name of my
+wife, in the spirit in which it is given."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I thought that some such speech was no more than Mr. Fielding's due,
+but the effect of it was greatly marred by Cynthia's unreasonable
+conduct.  Drawing herself up into all the majesty of her five feet
+nothing, she bowed to us both in an imperious manner.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I wish you a good evening, Mr.&mdash;&mdash;, I did not catch your name," says
+she.  "You also, my lord, as you choose to remain."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Before we could reply, or any attempt could be made to detain her, she
+turned on her heel and swept forth of the room, straight out of the
+house into the black midnight.  There was no other course open to me
+but to follow her.  But ere I did so, I clasped Mr. Fielding warmly by
+the hand, again thanked him for his generous behaviour, and made some
+sort of an apology for that of Cynthia.  He, good fellow, although
+evidently perturbed that he should have so distrest her, was yet very
+warm on his part too, and as I was going out, slipped the only guinea
+he had in the world into my hand.  I protested strongly and refused to
+take it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear fellow," says he, "you are ill-advised to refuse it.  I know
+what even that sum must mean to one in your condition, when the hand of
+every man is against you.  To be sure by accepting it you will be a
+guinea better off than your benefactor.  But at least I have a few
+friends left, however little I may merit them; and although it be ever
+my fate to have my character judged by those foibles that I am least
+willing to have it judged by."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Indeed he so insisted on my accepting this highly desirable guinea,
+that there was no other course than to take it, however reluctantly;
+for to have refused it might have seemed churlish.  And Heaven knows
+that it is the last thing I would have risked after what had happened.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sir," says I, "I can wish no better than that we should meet again,
+and in happier circumstances.  You have been a true friend, and I hope
+I may live to requite you.  And I hope, sir, you will think no more of
+the humours of my poor little wife; you who have shown such a knowledge
+of the ways of her adorable sex will be the first to condone them in
+her.  You will not forget, sir, that she hath lately been called on to
+endure a great deal."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"More than enough of that matter, my dear fellow," says he heartily.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I am sure he must have been hurt, but he was by far too true-bred a
+gentleman to betray as much.  I fear we were both still a little drunk,
+but I do not think the fervour of our leave-takings owed anything to
+the heat of our brains.  To this day I have always thought of this fine
+spirit, this great master of the science of human nature, with the same
+degree of affection.  As for him, I do not suppose he ever gave me a
+second thought, or if he did, I could be nothing more than a whimsical
+circumstance, a piece of romantical history.  But at the time of our
+parting, his pitiful, generous heart enabled him to feel a very real
+concern for my welfare, and also for that of my wayward little one who
+had treated him so harshly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No sooner had I left Mr. Fielding waving his frank good-bye from the
+steps of the house, than I set off running in hot pursuit of Cynthia.
+The gate of the porter's lodge at the end of the long dark avenue of
+overhanging trees was just closing upon her, when I overtook her.  She
+was in too proud and defiant a mood to pay any attention to the fact
+that I had done so, and that I was walking greatly out of breath by her
+side.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I followed her implicitly into the weary darkness.  I did not dare to
+break the dogged silence she maintained, and therefore maintained one
+too.  For I had not walked a mile in the cool night air before I was as
+sober as any man could be.  And perfect sobriety brought a new shame
+and a fuller measure of repentance.  Lord knows, I had been drunk often
+enough before; more completely and uproariously so; I had committed far
+greater excesses in that state than any I had been guilty of that
+evening; and yet now for almost the first time I conceived a disgust
+for such a folly.  Lord knows, I am so little of a pietist that the
+sense of humiliation which came upon me as I walked by the side of the
+silent Cynthia was so foreign to my character, that I almost laughed at
+myself for suffering it.  Yet at the same time I was bitterly angry
+with myself.  No man's weaknesses could have led him to play a more
+unworthy part.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As we walked mile upon mile on the dark, tree-shadowed highway that led
+to anywhere, everywhere, and nowhere, there never was so moral a person
+as I outside the moral pages of Mr. Richardson.  Self-abasement creaked
+out of my boots, self-reproach fluttered out of my brains,
+self-abnegation beat out of my heart.  I forget the name of the Moral
+Muse; indeed, now I come to think of it, there is most probably none
+such among them, for I fear they are baggages all.  But in the name of
+the righteous lady, whoever she be, was there ever such a hang-dog
+rogue as I?&mdash;such a whipt cur with his tail between his legs?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hours came and hours went, the steeples of neighbouring village
+churches chimed two o'clock, three and four, but still we wandered on,
+while never a word passed from one to the other.  At times I feared my
+poor little one was crying softly to herself, but I had not the courage
+to attempt to find out if that were so.  Instead, my fingers would
+tighten on Mr. Fielding's guinea, whereon such a poignancy would be
+added to my sufferings that I was tempted at times to cast his money
+incontinently to the road, as a heroic but not very intelligible
+concession to them, in the hope that I might purchase at that price a
+moment's surcease to my pains.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap15"></a>
+CHAPTER XV
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+The measure of Cynthia's resentment might be inferred from that of her
+endurance.  The weary silent miles she trudged along must have called
+forth a great impetus from within, for without that stimulus the poor
+little creature must have drooped and flagged upon the dark road long
+ere she did.  It was not until the birds began to chirp in the trees,
+and the grey face of the dawn began to speckle the darkness that she
+abated her defiant paces.  But once she had begun to do so, the
+weakness grew rapidly upon her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Presently she stumbled and nearly fell.  Then it was I took the courage
+to venture on the first of my penitent advances.  I lightly touched her
+shoulder to support her.  Finding that she had not the strength, I
+hardly dare say the inclination, to resist, I took her at last by the
+arm, very tenderly at first, but then a little more firmly, and then
+more firmly still.  Thus, without a word passing on the side of either,
+the sense of our comradeship was re-established.  If I could not feel
+that I was forgiven, I might take the comfort to myself that I was
+suffered.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It soon grew apparent, now that the meridian of poor Cynthia's wrath
+was overpast, that the child would have to pay the price of it.  She
+became a very weight in my arms, and with the first beams of daylight
+was ready to faint with fatigue.  In the reaction of her mood she
+yielded herself to my will as readily and completely as ever.
+Therefore, to spare her as much as I could, I seized the first occasion
+to give her a place of rest.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the little light there were no houses to be seen, and even had there
+been, it was too early to hope to gain sanctuary in them.  There was a
+wood, however, close at hand, whither I partly led and partly carried
+her.  Within its warm and dry recesses, I selected a couch of green
+earth for her underneath a great tree, whose rough bark made something
+of a pillow for her head.  First, I took off my great-coat and spread
+it on the ground as comfortably as I could, placed her upon it, and
+then divesting myself of my thick, rough jacket wrapped her snugly in
+it.  The poor child was no sooner fixed in a position of some little
+comfort than she fell fast asleep.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While she was very mercifully occupied thus, I spent several hours in
+pacing up and down the glades of the wood to keep myself warm, for,
+after all, in the air of the dawn, the sleeves of one's shirt are no
+very adequate protection.  To diversify this occupation I hunted an
+occasional squirrel, but with no prospect of catching one; and lay in
+wait, stone in hand, for many a white-tailed rabbit, but did so in
+vain.  Indeed, the only good fortune that fell to me in these nefarious
+pursuits was the discovery of a bird's-nest with several fine eggs in
+it.  But somehow I had not the heart to disturb those exquisite things;
+it may have been, especially as a small piece of sentiment may not come
+amiss even to the sworn enemies of it on an occasion of this kind, that
+the distrest birds and the distrest Cynthia had something in common.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Any lingering fumes of wine being long since out of my head, thanks to
+the operations of the wholesome open air, I grew conscious of a very
+distinct craving for food about eight of the clock.  It was then that
+the thought of the generous Mr. Fielding's guinea proved such a source
+of solid comfort.  One must be a vagrant by the wayside, dependent on
+chance for one's crusts of bread, to experience what the contemplation
+of twenty-one shillings sterling means, when that contemplation is
+sharpened and assisted by a biting hunger.  In the days of my material
+greatness, not my houses, lands, revenues, not all my precious
+possessions had the power to bestow upon me that inexpressible sense of
+delightful anticipation which Mr. Fielding's guinea was able to do.  A
+whole guinea to a desperately hungry mortal who for two days had begged
+his bread!  What would it not purchase?  How much sheer honest feeding
+did it represent!  It would permit of delicate feeding, too, for
+Cynthia.  A fine lusty mutton-pasty for the earl; and a bowl of
+cream-covered milk, flanked with the whitest bread and the purest
+butter, for his countess.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia still slept so soundly that I could not find it in my heart to
+rouse her.  Quite a long time I debated within myself whether to leave
+her thus whilst I betook myself to the nearest house in quest of food.
+At last, as she showed no signs of waking yet, I determined to do so.
+Fixing the spot with particular care in my mind where she lay, I went
+off briskly on my errand.  Happily a farm-house of goodly size was but
+a little distant; and here, by the aid of the magic guinea, was I
+accommodated, though, to be sure, without any special degree of favour.
+And at least my appearance could not be said to merit it.  I was
+without my coat, my clothes were coarse, and the worse for travel, I
+still bore a black eye, and the small wound at the side of my head was
+still rendered visible by the blood that had dried about it.  But as I
+had promised myself I got a draught of most excellent ale, a
+mutton-pasty too, which I bore along with me to eat at my leisure;
+whilst I procured for Cynthia a jug of warm milk, and fresh butter
+spread on some dainty slices of bread.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As soon as I returned to the place where Cynthia lay, she awoke,
+wonderfully refreshed and with no trace of the distresses of the
+previous night about her.  She gave expression to her delight when I
+proudly produced her breakfast; whereon I redonned my coat.  And no
+sooner did she observe the use to which it had been put, than she
+upbraided me for discarding it.  Seating myself beside her, we made a
+perfectly admirable meal, but perhaps it was not after all our keen
+hunger that made the best sauce to it, but rather the fact that we were
+both in our natural minds again, and that our differences were
+forgotten.  All the same, I devoutly hoped that my dear Cynthia would
+not pause to inquire from what source the royal breakfast sprang.  I
+had no wish, you may be sure, to associate it with Mr. Fielding,
+however black the ingratitude.  Happily the question was not asked.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When we had made our meal in this happy fashion, we repaired to the
+farm-house from which it had been obtained, to crave permission to
+perform our ablutions.  By paying for the same, we were able to make
+them in some comfort.  Like the arrant spendthrifts that we were, money
+was no object to us so long as our fortune lasted.  This accomplished,
+we set off again wonderfully refreshed in mind and body.  It was a
+sweetly fair spring morning, that made us step forth blithely.  It
+takes a very old and hardened cynic to resist nature at her vernal
+period.  And I think our reconciliation added to our happiness,
+although not once did we allude to the unlucky events of the night
+before.  But we exhibited such a fine consideration for one another
+now, and were so scrupulous of every little detail of our demeanour one
+towards the other, as plainly showed that the articles of peace were
+being heartily subscribed to by us both.  All the way it was, "Let me
+carry thy coat, my pretty one," or "Darling, walk this side of me in
+the shade lest the sun should overpower you," or "I do hope this bright
+sunshine will not affect your poor, broken pate."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Sedulously avoiding all places of any size, lest our enemies should be
+lurking in them, we selected a modest roadside inn, in which to rest at
+mid-day, having left, I think, the town of Guildford some two miles to
+our right.  Here we ate and drank again with a degree of comfort that,
+considering our low estate, was quite luxurious.  So discreetly had we
+ordered the reckoning too, that there would be means enough left to us
+to furnish us with supper and a bed at some similar unpretentious inn
+when evening came.  You may believe me, or believe me not, but merely
+to think of sleeping once again on a bed of feathers, after having
+passed the best part of the two previous nights and days afoot, was
+almost a distracting pleasure.  I suppose a beggar's happiness consists
+solely in his belly and his bones; and even if it is not of the highest
+kind, what can be so intimate and full of zest?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The evening came without any adventure worthy to be recorded.  We still
+kept well off the beaten tracks and were therefore so happy as not to
+encounter runners from Bow Street, indignant parents, nor scheming
+rivals.  The inn we selected was an ungenteel one enough in a remote
+village; and that night we supped and lay in it in conscious state, and
+royally spent the last of Mr. Fielding's guinea on a breakfast the
+following morning.  It was wanton in us, I dare say, to spend such a
+sum in a fashion so prodigal, but as yet our extremity had taught us no
+measure of prudence.  Besides, when we had not the wherewithal, were we
+not imbued with the excitements of those hunters who pursue for their
+needs?  It is an incomparable kind of sport to seek for food and
+lodging with devil a farthing to purchase it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With every penny of our late fortune squandered, we were again reduced
+to this employ.  It was then I bethought me of the gypsy's flute.  I
+bore it still in the pocket of my cloak; and had improvised several
+melodies already upon it to cheer our lonely way.  Thus, when we came
+to a village about noon, wanting refreshment and even a penny to
+furnish it, I boldly took forth the instrument and blew it for all I
+was worth as we walked slowly along the principal street.  Probably my
+notes were lustier and in better tune than is ordinary with others of
+this profession; or again, even an itinerant musician may have been a
+strange bird in this out-of-the-way place; for be it known that when
+Cynthia holding my hat in her hand sweetly importuned every staring
+yokel and every opened window with her daintiest smile and her
+gracefullest curtesy, we had acquired the sum of fourpence, mostly in
+halfpence, by the time we had come to the village alehouse.  Thither we
+repaired to invest this reward of our toil in as good a repast of bread
+and cheese and ale as could be obtained for the money.  We seasoned it
+by a fine argument as to whom the credit of it belonged.  I vowed it
+was my fine playing that was alone responsible for it; whilst Cynthia
+was equally firm in her conviction that it was entirely due to the
+elegance of her solicitations.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were mightily pleased with a prospect that offered a new source of
+revenue.  But ere long we were doomed to discover that it was not fair
+as we had supposed, and that it had its drawbacks.  This melancholy
+incident happened the very next time we put it in practice.  The scene
+of it was a somewhat larger village than the first, and we attracted
+such an amount of attention that I believe Cynthia collected as much as
+sevenpence in a very little while.  And so encouraged were we by the
+amount of favour with which we were received that we were emboldened to
+give a kind of set performance in front of the village ale-house.  It
+had even been decided that Cynthia should sing a love ballad, for she
+had a very sweet voice and was prettily accomplished in the use of it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Everything prospered with us admirably well for some time.  An audience
+gathered about us; and although a little inclined to be abashed at
+first, we overcame those feelings very soon and gave our singing and
+music with great spirit.  But just before we had come to the conclusion
+of the last piece, the throng was invaded by several stalwart fellows,
+amongst whom were the beadle of the parish and the squire of the place,
+both highly indignant to be sure.  The latter was red and fat and full
+of choler.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Take 'em both, Thomas," says he, wonderfully angry and stern, "and
+they shall be clapt into the stocks, sink me so they shall.  The idea
+of two vagrant wretches daring to affront me thus under my very nose.
+There shall be no playing of profane tricks and loud music in this
+parish, curse me if there shall be."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Meanwhile the beadle, in the exercise of his authority, had twice set
+his dirty hands on my coat, and twice had I gently but firmly removed
+them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I will venture to say we are doing no harm to any one, sir," says I to
+the squire, controlling my resentment as well as I could, and striving
+to ape a humility I did not feel.  "And surely, sir, you will not be
+too hard on poor people."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This fellow, however, was plainly of that tribe that loves to exult
+over the weak.  It was his pleasure to display a greater and more
+despotic authority the less occasion there was for its exercise.  The
+meeker he found us the more unbending was his indignation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"How dare you venture to address me, you wandering vagabond?" says he.
+"Your damnable impertinence does but aggravate your offence.  I will
+see whether you will defy me, I will so.  You shall go to the stocks at
+once, and you may bless your fortune it is not the house of correction."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It needed but a glance to assure us that to resist would be vain.  Not
+only the beadle, but several other persons under the immediate eye of
+this despot, were but too ready to curry favour with him by doing his
+bidding.  In fact, one and all of those present seemed to conceive a
+mighty admiration of his rage.  They felt such a display of anger and
+unfettered will to be sublime.  Therefore, we were pushed and hustled
+with many unnecessary indignities, all the throng following to the
+village green, and were set side by side in the stocks forthwith.  When
+we had been duly affixed in this place of humiliation, the squire made
+us quite a lengthy harangue, not so much I suspect for our edification
+as for the glory of himself.  His anger against us inoffensive
+creatures who answered him not a word, mounted higher and higher till
+it grew truly magnificent.  He stamped and raved and swore; he had a
+mind to do this, and a mind to do that, and 'fore God he would if it
+were not for the abominable leniency of his character.  The beadle kept
+nodding his head, and fretted himself into a kind of ecstasy of
+admiration of the squire's remarks; whilst the villagers could be heard
+to say to one another: "Lord, an't squire noble angry-like to be sure."
+But neither of us retorted on the fellow by so much as a word, and I
+think we were well advised not to do so, for had we but unbosomed
+ourselves of a very small part of what was in our hearts he might have
+had a real grievance to set against us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Therefore we both regarded him in silence, and strove to maintain a
+demeanour of the coldest disdain.  It was not very easy, to be sure, in
+that posture, with jeers and humiliation besetting us on every side.
+Yet we persevered in it so well that presently it did not fail in its
+effect.  For our persecutor was such a poltroon at heart that although
+we were secured and quite at his mercy, he no sooner observed that we
+scorned him, than the torrent of his eloquence grew sensibly less.  So
+long as we were humble and appeared to shrink and tremble before him,
+his rage knew no bounds.  But the moment we called in a little disdain
+to our aid, he grew less certain of himself, and was so baffled and
+held in check by it, that at last he bethought himself that he would
+best serve his dignity by taking himself off.  His parasite the beadle
+went with him, but a considerable number of the yokels stayed to keep
+us company.  Their disposition was to make sport of our misfortune.
+But how true is that old saw&mdash;so the master, so the man.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+For with a good deal of difficulty, as you may guess, we managed to
+preserve an appearance of mighty dignified unconcern, however far we
+might be from feeling it, and contrived to converse one with another in
+a perfectly natural and amiable manner, for all the world as though we
+were not sitting in the stocks at all, but in the village alehouse.  In
+the face of such a fine contempt the spectators were just as much at a
+loss as ever the squire had been.  They were there to bully and bait
+us, but under our unwavering eyes had not the courage to do so.  Indeed
+it seemed to involve such a degree of initiative on their part to kick
+two persons who after all were not thoroughly and effectually knocked
+down, that one by one they followed the example of the squire and slunk
+away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When the best part of these idle and mischievous persons had departed,
+and our admirers were diminished to about a score of the village
+urchins who were not to be so easily daunted, says I to my little
+companion, who to be sure had been wonderfully steadfast through all
+our misfortunes:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think, your ladyship, we shall best forget the distresses of our
+present situation by arrogating to ourselves the grandeur of our former
+state.  How was the dear queen when you saw her last?  Had she quite
+recovered of her whooping-cough?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh yes, I thank your lordship," says Cynthia glibly.  "But surely your
+lordship was at the levée last Tuesday month?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No, rat me if I was," says I, with a languid air.  "The fact of the
+matter is, I have not the taste for these routs and drums and crushes
+and assemblies.  My father, the late lord, I have heard boast that he
+never missed above three in thirty years.  But I think your ladyship
+will be the first to own that in these days the <i>haut ton</i> is not so
+vastly energetic as it once was.  For myself, I would be the first to
+confess that the practices and observances of the genteel and polite
+world weary me to distraction.  I never get into my Court suit but what
+I die of fatigue in the operation!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"His Grace of Middlesex I have heard speak to the same tenor," says
+Cynthia; "and often enough have I heard her grace the duchess reprove
+it in him."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think," says I, "it was a fashion that first obtruded itself in the
+Prince of Wales."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ah, the dear prince!" says she.  "How like his poor dear Royal
+Highness it is, to be sure!  I hope your lordship was not with him at
+that particular drawing-room where he took off so many of the gentlemen
+to play a game at basset or hazard or what not in the antechamber."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Primero, your ladyship," says I gravely.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was in this edifying fashion that we supported ourselves in our
+present trials.  Our conversation was carried to the very heights of
+the genteel, and was chiefly concerned with the Royal Family.  We
+mentioned nobody under a peer, and contrived to bring in those great
+persons in a highly inept and fashionable manner.  Had any one heard
+our conversation they must have marvelled to know how two people so
+vastly polite and who moved in such exalted circles could ever have
+come in that place.  The smack of humour in the thing was undeniable,
+but I am not sure that we did not retail those details, anecdotes, and
+reminiscences in the mincing, clipping tone of St. James's as much for
+a vindication of ourselves and a salve for our wounded feelings as for
+the whimsicality of the occupation.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were still beguiling the time in this way when the beadle came to
+release us.  In the performance of this office he gave us a great deal
+of advice that we could very well have dispensed with.  He was also
+charged with a message from the squire as to how much more serious the
+consequences would be if either of us were caught in those parts again.
+Having at last obtained our freedom, we were not long in shaking the
+dust of this unlucky parish off our feet.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As we went away we were a good deal disconcerted by the turn our
+affairs were taking.  It was already growing dark, and sensibly colder,
+and worse, it was coming on to rain.  And we had but a matter of
+sevenpence to provide us with the supper that we should soon be greatly
+in need of, and a protection from the night's inclemency.  To have had
+recourse to the flute once more, and I gravely doubt after what had
+happened whether we should have had the stomach to have done so, would
+not have served us.  We were a long way from the next village, and the
+evening had already come.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap16"></a>
+CHAPTER XVI
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+Hand-in-hand we trudged along valiantly.  The rain came, at first a
+thin, hesitating haze, then with a quicker patter and a brisker
+resolution, which presently settled into a steady sullen all-night
+down-pour.  We were very well shod, happily, and we drew our cloaks
+tightly about us, and turned our faces to the deluge.  To pass the
+night in the open air in weather of this sort was impossible, but we
+were like to be in the predicament of that first evening out of London.
+Once more were we wholly ignorant of the way, were in great discomfort
+of body, and had no wherewithal by which we could relieve it.  We were
+again called on to endure all the discomforts inseparable from our lot.
+The only sound from the great darkness that covered the land was the
+squish of the water under our feet, and the ceaseless twitter of the
+rain on the road.  Although our clothes were a steaming burden, and
+clung about us in a sop, we tried not to be daunted.  We pursued our
+way through mud and puddles, resisting the hunger and weariness that
+crept so insidiously upon us.  And whatever the outward conditions of
+our state I don't think we minded greatly.  The example of one another
+kept us from flagging, even as the possession of one another kept us
+from complaining.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last, having dragged our weary limbs up a steep hill, and having
+crested the brow, we saw all at once quite a number of lights gleaming
+below in the valley.  It was plainly a considerable place, to judge by
+them; and though it was in our best interests to keep away from all
+towns and villages of any size and importance, on this occasion we did
+not pay much heed to these scruples, but went boldly and gladly towards
+it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But what shall we profit when we get there?" says Cynthia.  "We have
+but a matter of sevenpence between us, which will avail us little
+enough for food and a lodging.  And I am sure there will be nobody to
+be found who will extend their charity to such a pair of drenched
+beggars as we are.  Oh, what can we possibly do!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I pondered on this hard problem for a full minute.  Cynthia's gloomy
+views were hopelessly right.  We were indeed a pair of beggars,
+homeless and destitute.  But we could not walk about all through that
+wretched wet night on the open road.  We must find some asylum for our
+weariness, if only a cow-hovel as it had been formerly.  This night,
+however, put us in no mind for that kind of thing.  We longed for the
+luxuries of a bright fire at which to dry our clothes, a warm supper at
+which to defeat the dismal weather, and a snug bed afterwards.  But how
+could we make sevenpence go so far?  Beat my brains as I might, I could
+find no solution to this hard problem.  Yet we both yearned for these
+comforts so keenly, that at last we came to the resolve that we would
+obtain them by hook or by crook, if not by fair means, by those more
+desperate, and be hanged to the consequences!  Accordingly, when we
+arrived at the first house in the place, I thrilled Cynthia by boldly
+knocking on the door, and thrilled her further by more boldly asking
+the title of the principal inn.  As it bore the promising name of the
+Angel, and was less than half-a-mile along that very road, and was said
+to be a remarkably good inn, we were encouraged to push on in search of
+it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Jack," says poor Cynthia nervously, "whatever will the
+consequences be?  It must be quite a public place; the landlord will
+certainly ask to see our money before he serves us, such a poor vagrant
+pair must we seem in the eyes of everybody; some of those horrid Bow
+Street runners may be there too, or possibly my father.  And if we take
+that for which we are unable to pay, we may get sent to prison, or&mdash;&mdash;"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Put in the stocks," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia shuddered, and then laughed a little.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I don't think," says she, "we shall ever fear that indignity again.
+At least we came triumphantly through that ordeal."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Merely by being bold," says I, "and the exercise of our sense of
+mirth.  And that is what will be demanded of us in the adventure that
+is before us.  Let us play our parts as bravely here, and I am
+convinced that we shall come out of it just as successfully.  Let us be
+bold and take our courage in our hands, and I'll answer for it we'll
+get a supper, a fire, a bottle, and a bed, and no questions asked.  But
+only a sufficient hardihood can do it, do you understand?  We must not
+bear ourselves as a pair of beggars at this inn, but rather as persons
+of consideration and great place.  You must be daughter to the duke, my
+prettiness, and I will be a devil of a peer."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That is all very fine, Jack," says Cynthia, who on occasion could be
+very shrewd, "but how are we to reconcile our lost and destitute state
+with our exalted degree?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A most happy idea," says I, suddenly seized with the same.  "I have it
+exactly.  We must be a pair of travellers who have been set on by a
+highwayman, turned out of our carriage, and robbed of all our money and
+valuables."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes," urged Cynthia, "but what carriage can we have to show?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"We can provide for that too," says I, in the throes of invention.
+"Our servants were so affrighted at the highwayman's appearance, that
+they made off pell-mell, carriage and all, without once stopping to
+look behind them."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A not very plausible story," urged Cynthia again.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I agree with you there," says I, "but we must strengthen any defects
+in our tale by the vigour and sincerity of its narration.  We must play
+our parts at the very height of our ability, and the landlord, whoever
+he is, shall be put to it very hard to catch us tripping.  A bold
+demeanour and a loud voice go a long way in these days.  I can smell
+that supper already, and I feel my feet to be toasting before the warm
+blaze.  And here we are to be sure under the very sign of the house, as
+goodly a country hostel i'faith as I ever saw, at which to arrive on a
+pouring wet night."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Forsooth we were already come to the door.  By its substantial,
+well-lit, comfortable look, and the space in front of it, it had the
+appearance of a coaching inn.  And for that matter it did not call for
+much observation to prove such to be the case.  It stood at the
+junction of four roads.  The one that had carried us thither was a
+by-road, running at this point across one of the main coaching
+highways.  When we discovered this to be the case we paused a moment.
+There was a degree of publicity about such a hostelry that we could
+have very well done without.  We were certainly taking a great risk
+lest our enemies should enter it; and again, the charges were likely to
+be high.  Yet it took only a brief reflection to decide us.  We were
+utterly cold, hungry and jaded, our cloaks were soaked with rain, and
+the mud rose above our ankles.  Therefore leaving discretion outside in
+the rain, we entered boldly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The chamber we found ourselves in was in singular and delightful
+contrast to the conditions from which we had emerged.  It was brightly
+lit, a rare wood fire crackled and sputtered on the hearth, and threw
+its shadows on the oaken panellings.  An incomparable smell of cookery
+pervaded it, and a table was laid for supper.  The whole apartment was
+spotlessly clean, replete with comfort, and altogether was a model of
+what such a room should be in an inn of the better sort.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The room had only one occupant; he, a gentleman who sat at his ease,
+waiting for his supper in a chair by the brisk fire.  He was a
+wonderfully handsome man, young, bold-eyed, and with a look of gay
+impudence more winning than displeasing.  He threw up his eyes as soon
+as we entered and frankly took our measure.  He went over us from top
+to toe with the frank audacity of a pretty woman or a child.  He was
+plainly a little puzzled by us.  He could not reconcile our appearance
+with our address.  We must indeed have looked to a stranger at that
+moment the most draggle-tailed couple that ever came out of Bridewell.
+But we had got all our best town airs about us too, and the contrast
+between our state and our address must have been ludicrous, truly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We had hardly got in to the room ere the landlord came bustling
+forward.  His mode of assessing the character of his guests was more
+peremptory.  We were in a wretched plight, and had come afoot without
+baggage and unattended.  He gave us one shrewd contemptuous glance and
+says:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You are come to the wrong house, are you not, master?  The Chequers, a
+bit further along the road to your left, is more in your style, I'm
+thinking.  The quality comes to this house, dy'e see?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"God bless my soul," I roared, "was there ever such effrontery!  Why,
+you pot-bellied ruffian, I would knock you down as flat as your own ale
+were it not for fatigue and the presence of a lady.  The wrong house,
+is it?  Do you take us for a pair of pickers and stealers then, you
+beer-barrel!  Call a chambermaid this minute and have her ladyship
+taken to the best bedroom you have got in the place, or I will rub my
+boots into the small of your fat back, upon mine honour so I will."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+A less forcible method of address might have permitted of a
+controversy, in which we should have everything to lose and nothing
+whatever to gain.  But this fine assault, this taking of the landlord
+by storm, completely disarmed him.  In an instant his demeanour
+completely changed, as is usual with those of his kidney.  From the
+contemptuous critic he was transformed into the grovelling lackey.  On
+the instant he was ours to command.  With many bows and congees he was
+soon inquiring what we would have for supper, and which wine we would
+prefer.  He also presumed that our luggage and attendants would
+presently arrive.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Devil a bit of it," says I.  "Neither one nor the other will you see
+this night.  Our wretched rogues have had such a fright that I will bet
+my leg they never draw rein until they make the blessed town o' London.
+A murrain upon them, and may they die of a vertigo!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The landlord clasped his palms in a fine attitude of humility,
+curiosity and awe.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Lord save us!" says he, "what can have happened to your lordship?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why, something that is always happening to us, of course," says I,
+with a great air of a glib matter of fact.  "One of these pestilential
+highwaymen stopped us and tried us on this very road, not five miles
+off.  Cocked his ugly mug through the carriage-window as cool as a
+church, and had us step out of our cushions into the pouring rain.
+Took our money and jewels off us before you could say your prayers.
+And not content with all this, burn me for a heretick! if out of pure
+wantonness this villain did not discharge his barker across the nose of
+the leader, and away they flew downhill to the devil before we could
+jump in again.  They are miles away ere this, and lord knows how we
+shall contrive to return to town."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I suppose there must have been a nice tone of verisimilitude in this
+tissue of lies, or a ring of truth in my tone, or an expression of
+perfect veracity in my eyes, for the landlord put never another
+question to us upon that matter, but accepted my heart-moving tale with
+a mien of deep solicitude.  I think I must be unusually gifted in this
+particular, since this bold story worked on his credulity to such a
+remarkable degree.  And either our supposed misadventures or my command
+of great oaths must have invested us in the landlord's mind with the
+indisputable evidences of high quality, for his obeisances grew
+profounder for the recital, and though by our own confession we had not
+a penny about us with which to requite him, he proposed to entertain us
+to the utmost of his capacity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your lordship and your ladyship will doubtless prefer an entirely
+private apartment in which to sup," says he.  "If you will very kindly
+bear with this one while a fire is lighted in another, I will go about
+it at once, and also prepare you as good a meal as it is in the power
+of this poor place to furnish."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, as I was rather taken than otherwise with the appearance of
+the solitary occupant of this room, and even more so by the rare warmth
+and comfort of it, I was fain to suggest that if our company was not
+disagreeable to the present occupant, we should be well content to stay
+where we were, and take our supper in his society.  And, indeed, the
+frank, amused, wonderfully naïve countenance he turned on the
+innkeeper, and the air of perfect good-breeding with which he asked the
+honour of our company at his table, promised excellent companionship to
+follow.  I having gratefully accepted his offer, he very politely
+insisted that I should choose the wine, adding that our host kept a
+very tolerable cellar, and paid a particular compliment to the Burgundy.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In a variety of amiable ways we were very well advanced in a
+companionship long before supper was served.  Our friend, in addition
+to his handsome looks and elegant manners, appeared to have a good deal
+of knowledge of the world.  His tastes, too, seemed extremely refined.
+He was well versed in Dryden, Virgil, and Shakespeare, and passed the
+highest encomiums on the genius of Mr. Henry Fielding.  He contributed
+some excellently apposite remarks to the long-standing controversy
+respecting the merits of the author of <i>Tom Jones</i> in comparison with
+those of the author of <i>Clarissa</i>.  To my extreme gratification he
+declared strongly for the former, whereon Mrs. Cynthia, following the
+fashion of her sex, took up the cudgels very warmly for the latter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear madam," says our friend, laughing in his musical tones, "the
+difference between those two authors is that between honest, searching
+brandy punch and tea twice watered with a good deal of sugar in it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That is doubtless the case," says Cynthia.  "But whereas the one may
+degrade a man to the level of a beast,"&mdash;I will do her the justice of
+saying she laid no particular stress on this simile, neither did she
+look at me, greatly to my relief&mdash;"the other is perfectly harmless,
+wholesome and stimulating.  Mr. Richardson's morality hath never been
+impeached, but Mr. Fielding's hath never been defended."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is not always the person who lifts up his voice the loudest, madam,
+who is the most worthy to be heard," says our friend gravely.  "Nor is
+it he who makes the best parade of his virtue who is invariably the
+most valuable member of society.  I dare say Mr. Fielding would blush
+as much to be found out in a good act as Mr. Richardson would to be
+caught in a bad one; but for all that I would prefer to recommend
+myself to the author of the so-called loose and scandalous <i>Tom Jones</i>,
+than he of the so-called high-toned <i>Clarissa</i>, were I in need of a
+dinner and a guinea."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sir," says I, "you have put the gist of the matter excellently.  You
+are one of the very few persons I have met who hath had the wit to draw
+this essential distinction between the characters of two such diverse
+writers.  What the world is for ever failing to apprehend is that true
+morality, like true religion, has nothing to do with the profession of
+it; and that man who as often as not best serves his species is he who
+least pretends to do so."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yet no sooner had I ventured to confirm the wisdom of my friend with my
+own opinion, than my dear Mrs. Cynthia began to take my interference as
+a personal matter aimed at her rather than at the argument.  Thus in a
+truly feminine fashion she got upon her dignity and invested her
+championship of Mr. Richardson, and more especially her animadversion
+of Mr. Fielding, with several palpable references to my recent
+behaviour in his company.  At least the unease of my conscience put
+this construction upon her replies, although when I reflected upon the
+matter afterwards I could find no grounds except those of my own guilty
+knowledge for supposing that she was at all acquainted with our meeting.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was a real relief none the less when our heated discourse on
+morality was at last interrupted by the arrival of the first dish, a
+highly delectable loin of pork flanked with sage and onions.  We sat
+down in much comfort and did ample justice to the fare.  Our friend's
+manners at the table had all the elegance of good-breeding, whilst his
+conversation under the benign influences of excellent dishes and good
+wine was as entertaining and various as any one need listen to.  He was
+at a loss on no subject whatever; and there was such an easy air of
+gallantry about him, too, as commended him extremely to the susceptible
+Cynthia, however they might differ in their opinions on the subject of
+morality.  Indeed his mien was so winning and so perfectly acceptable
+withal to her ladyship, that I could have wished he had less of those
+graces to recommend him.  For I'll swear that her eyes shone to his
+speeches, and there was a fine colour in her cheeks, however
+indignantly she may be moved to deny it.  There was a sly humour in the
+fellow too, which as the meal wore on and the excellence of the fare
+warmed his heart, he manifested in various ways.  To start with, he
+made more than one allusion to our supposed misfortune.  What kind of a
+person was the highwayman, he asked in a tone equally pregnant with
+mischief and concern.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, pretty tallish," says I, with admirable vagueness and promptitude.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Thereupon he put a vast number of questions all bearing on the
+appearance of our assailant.  Had he a cast in his eye? a scar on his
+lip?  Did he speak with a west country burr? and so forth.  These were
+but a few.  For strive as we would to turn the topic towards something
+that might disconcert us less, he persisted in returning again and
+again to our supposed adventure on the road.  The theme seemed to have
+a kind of fascination for him.  At last it grew too plain that his
+pertinacity had serious purpose behind it.  Either my fencing grew too
+obvious or his queries grew too direct, for I was presently led to see
+that he had formed his own opinion on the matter, and that he proposed
+to convict us out of our own mouths.  It was with an effort therefore
+that I retained my politeness, since the deeper one is in the wrong the
+more is one inclined to resent its being proved against one.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I should be obliged, sir," says I, "if you will do us the favour of
+forgetting this unfortunate circumstance.  We have already come to
+regard our property as lost, and having made up our minds upon that we
+cease to regret it.  Indeed, we had already dismissed so trivial a
+matter from our minds, and should not have thought fit to recall it,
+had not the predicament of our penury, and the obstinate importunities
+of this fellow the landlord, compelled us to allude to it again.  You
+will vastly oblige me, sir, by ceasing to mention it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You are very well schooled in the art of evasion, sir," says the
+other.  "But I am much too greatly interested in this affair to consent
+to its stopping at this.  The manner of the appearance of your adorable
+companion and yourself here in this place this evening perplexes and
+surprises me beyond measure.  I humbly crave your pardon if I may seem
+to transgress the bounds of good taste, sir, but might I venture to ask
+whether you were coming from London or were you going there?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Going there," says I incautiously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then I confess," says he smoothly, "my perplexity increases.  If you
+were going to London, how could it happen that you were descending,
+instead of mounting Marling Hill?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I plainly saw that the fellow had lured me into a trap.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Really, sir," says I, with some show of heat, "I am sorry that you
+cannot see fit to respect my protests.  You will do me a real service,
+sir, if you will cease to pursue this disagreeable subject."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I do not doubt you on that last point, sir," says the other.  "And I
+wonder if I might make so bold as to inquire how it befalls that two
+persons who are presumably of the first quality, or at least of great
+gentility, are to be found travelling the country in an attire that the
+meanest of their servants would think twice before they affected?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"This is insufferable, this is intolerable," says I.  "I decline
+peremptorily to answer such questions.  They are impertinent, sir,
+impertinent; and it grieves me to think that a gentleman of your taste
+and discretion could have thought fit to put them."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, my annoyance could restrain him no better than my persuasion.
+He laughed openly, and then suddenly cast off the veil.  With a curl at
+his lips, and an unmistakable impudence in his eyes, says he:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think the time is come, sir, when we might with profit understand
+one another a little better.  Might we not deal a little more frankly
+with one another, do you not think?  For instance, if you are prepared
+to confess that you have been beset by no highwayman whatever, and the
+whole invention of him, the coach, the valuables, the servants, and the
+horses is a cock-and-bull story intended to divert the attention of our
+honest host from your destitute condition, I am just as prepared to
+accept that statement."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Sir," says I, "I fear that you forget yourself.  You insult me
+wantonly."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However difficult it may be to condone the truth when it is so
+unblushingly expressed, I was hardly in a position to punish him for
+the publication of it.  Not that it was any sneaking respect for the
+truth that restrained me.  It was rather that I had arrived at years of
+a certain discretion.  Was there not everything in the world to lose
+and nothing whatever to gain by indulging in open passages with a total
+stranger?  Cynthia was at my side, and wholly dependent upon me.  And
+it was her presence and that thought which enabled me to keep so tight
+a rein on my furious inclination.  Meanwhile this person had turned
+such a cool impudent scrutiny upon me that it seemed as though he
+calmly spelt out every phase of thought through which I was at that
+moment passing.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap17"></a>
+CHAPTER XVII
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+I was by now worked up to a pretty rage.  The stranger regarded it,
+however, with perfect calmness, not to say enjoyment.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"In your own particular branch of the profession, sir," says he,
+laughing, "I am the first to admit that you do remarkably well.  A good
+carriage, a refined appearance, an excellent address, and a quite
+singular degree of assurance, there is but little wanting to your
+success.  The lady, your fair companion, is wholly admirable.  She hath
+the very look and air of a gentlewoman.  She is vastly engaging too,
+and hath some sweet looks of her own; and I am prepared to say that she
+would reassure the most suspicious of landlords and the most
+incredulous of travellers."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I protest, sir," says I, "that I do not follow you in the least."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think between friends, sir," says the other, "you might reasonably
+drop the high tone.  I am not at all imposed on by it.  Besides, where
+is the need?  Believe me, I am the last man in the world to betray a
+brother in the pursuit of his calling.  I have some few gifts myself,
+and my name for some years past hath been considered an ornament to the
+profession; but whatever my vanity, I am ever foremost in recognizing
+true merit in others.  I have never had the pleasure of meeting you
+before, sir, but the very real talent you have already evinced will
+make William Sadler proud to be numbered among your friends."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although Mr. William Sadler, whoever he might be, pronounced his name
+in the manner of one who is accustomed to have it greeted with
+flattering recognition, as this was the first time I had happened to
+hear of so exalted a personage, I was unable to pay it the homage I
+think he expected from me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You must really pardon me, sir," says I, "but who you are or what your
+name is does not particularly interest me.  I do not remember to have
+heard it before, and certainly as you appear to entertain such strange
+views as to the manner in which friendship is to be conducted, I have
+no very burning desire to hear it again."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At last it seemed I had found in him a tender spot.  The purple
+deepened in his cheeks, and there was a brightness of anger in his
+eyes.  It was plain that to be ignorant of the name of Mr. William
+Sadler was to be guilty of a grave solecism.  But his chagrin was only
+momentary, for he had an admirable command of himself, and at once
+resumed the control of his feelings.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It strikes me as something of an affectation, sir," says he, "that one
+who practises a very similar calling should yet profess an ignorance of
+a name, which I may say, without making a boast of it, stands foremost
+in a kindred profession, and hath ever been reckoned an honour and an
+embellishment to it.  The name of William Sadler, sir, is known and
+reverenced wherever gentlemen of the pad of all shades and degrees do
+congregate or hold their intercourse.  It grieves me, sir, that such a
+fine example of our calling at its best, as is to be seen in the person
+of yourself, sir, and in that of your fair companion, should yet deny
+the smallest recognition to one who hath been allowed by the ablest
+practitioners of the time, and by publick opinion also, to be worthy of
+his meed of praise."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I confess I was getting out of my depth.  My companion was wholly
+unintelligible to me.  What he meant by his allusions to our kindred
+professions, his own celebrity, and my own skill in an art of which I
+did not even know the name, gravelled me completely.  In his smooth,
+even tones, it was impossible not to find a genuine regret.  But
+methought there was even more of irony in it too, a very delicate irony
+that seemed entirely to consist with his cultivated and polished
+character.  Indeed the man was an enigma altogether.  His manner, his
+appearance, his address were those of a gentleman.  He was an elegant,
+well-informed, well-equipped man of the world, capable of exciting the
+admiration of a lady of quality, as many a time I have been fain to
+acquaint Mrs. Cynthia subsequently.  But who he might be passed me
+altogether.  He could not be a great author like Mr. Fielding.  In that
+case I should have been more familiar with his name.  He could not be a
+man of the first fashion, for the same reason.  Neither was he foremost
+in Parliament, in the King's service, in the Queen's favour, nor was he
+a virtuoso in the arts.  In what manner was he celebrated then?  I
+could not forbear from putting the question to him.  As it happened,
+our host was fussing about the supper-table at that moment with the
+pudding.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I refer you, sir," says he, "to our worthy Boniface, our excellent Mr.
+Jim Grundy, for the panegyric of my character."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Upon this the innkeeper looked from one to the other of us with a great
+deal of unction, and involved his rosy countenance in such a number of
+nods and winks as conferred a great air of mystery on a simple question.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come, my good Grundy," says our companion, "inform the lady and
+gentleman who Mr. William Sadler is."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"They don't know who Mr. William Sadler is," says the landlord.  "Who
+ever heard the like of it!  He, he, he!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Instead of giving us any precise information on this point, the
+landlord laughed and laughed again.  Once or twice he seemed to brace
+himself to break the important news to us, yet on each occasion as he
+was about to open his mouth to do so, a fresh gust of mirth nearly
+choked him into a fit.  Indeed, he was wholly incapable of getting
+farther than:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Not know who Mr. Will Sadler is; well, I call that a good 'un."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+And I suppose we might have still remained in ignorance of the identity
+of our companion to this hour, for apparently Mr. William Sadler was
+too proud to exhibit his claims to notoriety, and the innkeeper was
+physically incapable of doing so, had it not been for a whimsical
+occurrence that presently befell.  Amity had been in a great measure
+restored, and we had nearly finished our supper in peace, having at the
+same time behaved very creditably by the wine and the victuals, when
+the landlord suddenly burst in upon us again with a very agitated face.
+"Oh, Mr. William," cries he to our friend, "whatever shall we do?  A
+sheriff's posse is coming along, and I fear it is you they are seeking
+hot-foot.  They will be here in a minute, and I do not see that you can
+possibly get out in time."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Words of this nature vastly interested us, you may be sure.  We noted
+that despite the shaken condition of the landlord, Mr. Sadler was
+perfectly cool.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Hold 'em as long as you can in talk," says he, "and I will play 'em my
+old trick.  But, my dear fellow, let me beg of you to compose yourself
+a little.  Such a face as you are wearing is enough to betray the
+cunningest knight in the country, and I must also crave the indulgence
+of my two friends here.  I am sure their true sporting instincts, to
+say nothing of a professional fellow-feeling, will enable them to give
+me any small assistance I may be in need of."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+While he was speaking in this singular manner, he was occupying himself
+in one no less remarkable.  He casually produced a fresh wig from one
+of the huge pockets of the riding-coat that hung on the back of a chair
+near his elbow, and having shook it out, discarded the modest tie wig
+he was wearing in favour of this much grander one, which he placed on
+his head with absolute nicety and correctness.  Having got as far as
+this, the landlord apprehended which line he was going to take.  Armed
+with that knowledge, the host accordingly moved to the threshold to
+greet the sheriff's posse, whilst Mr. Sadler went on with his toilet.
+This consisted in attaching a grey beard to his chin, a pair of
+moustachios to his upper lip, and a formidable pair of horn spectacles
+to his eyes.  All of these he produced from the same pocket as the wig.
+The consequence was a complete and effectual transformation; and had we
+not been witnesses of the process itself, we could not possibly have
+identified our companion of the previous moment in this venerable sage.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This strange play which was passing in front of our eyes was so
+bewildering that at first we could hardly realize what was taking
+place, or gauge the singular situation in which we found ourselves.
+But hearing the lusty demanding voices of the persons who even at that
+moment were at the threshold of the inn, the whole meaning of this odd
+matter suddenly flashed into my mind.  Our elegant companion was a
+professional breaker of laws, a highwayman most probably, and the
+sheriff's men were hot on his track.  Yet as I looked at the venerable
+figure before me, the embodiment of stately grace and honoured age, I
+could not forbear from laughing at him.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"An excellent jest," says he, in a voice that so utterly differed from
+his natural one as to bestow the last and crowning touch to his altered
+character.  "But it is one that I have played so often in one form or
+another upon these and similar people that I begin to fear it may grow
+a little worn-out.  However, I must trust to my proverbial luck, and
+your kind co-operation."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He had no time to say anything more before these unwelcome visitors
+came into the room with the landlord at their head.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You can really take my word for it, gentlemen I assure you," he said
+positively, protesting, "I have seen no such person as you describe.
+Nor is it at all likely that my house, which has ever been famous for
+its high respectability, would harbour such a desperate ruffian.  You
+say that His Majesty's mail has been stopped and tried this evening by
+Will Sadler not five miles off, and that booty exceeding four thousand
+pounds hath been taken.  Lord defend us, gentlemen, whoever heard the
+like!  It is incredible; can this be the eighteenth century?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By this about half a-dozen dirty, rain-soaked ruffians, comprising the
+sheriff's posse, had come into the room.  And at the head of them, if
+you please, was that very despotic justice, the squire of the
+neighbouring parish, who that afternoon had clapt us in the stocks.
+His appearance certainly complicated matters a good deal, and was like
+to make them vastly more awkward for us.  Yet the fellow at this time
+was in such an excited state of mind, due to the recent terrible event
+and his high sense of what he was pleased to call his public duty, that
+he gave neither Cynthia nor myself the slightest recognition.  Indeed,
+he had most probably forgotten our recent encounter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had hardly on my side recognized the justice ere my decision was
+taken.  It may be to my lasting discredit as a good citizen and true
+subject that I hardly so much as gave a thought to betraying the
+desperate fellow who was so completely delivered into our hands.  One
+word from either of us, and his last exploit would have been
+perpetrated.  But it would have called for a greater humanity or a
+less, sure I know not which, and a deeper instinct of the public weal
+than either of us appeared to possess, to deliver up Mr. Sadler in cold
+blood to the tender mercies of the law.  Accordingly I took a bold
+course, perhaps as much to assist the disguise of our companion as to
+preserve our own impunity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Swinging round on the justice and the inn-keeper, I exhibited a degree
+of excitement at the news by no means inferior to their own.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Zounds!" I cried, "what are you saying, landlord?  King's mail, four
+thousand pounds, villain escaped.  Whenever did I hear the like?  He
+must be pursued; we must leave no stone unturned.  Do I understand that
+he is on these premises?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The stress of my concern and the degree of authority I contrived to
+insinuate into it, stood me in good stead with the squire, who saw in
+me a person as law-abiding as himself.  Indeed, the number of
+breathless questions I pestered him with concerning how the matter
+happened, when it happened, who could be made responsible for it, and
+what steps could be taken to prevent it happening again, all of which
+were so futile and worth so little, as presently suggested to the
+squire that he might conceivably be in the company of a brother justice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Are you in the commission, may I ask, sir?" says he.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Aye, that I am, sir," says I, "for the county of Wilts.  I never was
+more distressed by anything than the news of this grievous affair."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Very pleased to meet you, sir," says the squire.  "I am in the
+commission too, sir, and I quite agree with every word you have thought
+fit to utter.  Every word, I do upon my word, sir."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was remarkable how the fact that I was a justice of the peace as
+well as himself affected his demeanour.  He developed a sudden
+affability towards me, and used a special tone in which to address me.
+He discovered such a respect for my opinion, showed so many marks of
+his consideration for me, and generally endeavoured to ingratiate
+himself into my esteem in a way that allowed it to be clearly
+understood that to his mind the office of a magistrate had lifted me at
+once out of the ruck of common men.  I was one who, like himself, had
+been as it were initiated into the Eleusinian mysteries.  My look, my
+lightest word, was to him of vastly more importance than even the
+business he had come upon.  Indeed he was quite overjoyed to find
+himself in the society of a person who was of his own rank in life, and
+one with whom he might converse without imperilling his own uneasy
+dignity.  It was delightful to observe how my presence unfitted him to
+pay the slightest attention to any one other than myself.  He could
+hardly bring himself to address the innkeeper or his attendants in the
+presence of a brother magistrate.  And to such an extent was he worked
+upon that even the business that had brought him thither paled into
+insignificance before so felicitous a meeting.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After a full five minutes had been spent on his affable reception of
+me, and he had repeated again and again how pleased and honoured he was
+to meet me; and he had asked me how long I had been in the commission,
+and had told me how long he had been in it, and how long his father had
+been in it before him; with other matters of the first importance, and
+all mightily pertinent to the robbery of the royal mail, one of his men
+had the temerity to make a suggestion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Begging your honour's pardon," says he, politely touching his hat,
+"but what does your honour think we had better do, seeing as how the
+man don't seem to be here?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Do," says the squire, taking him up angrily.  "Burn me, was there ever
+such insolence?  Are you not aware that I am at present engaged with
+your betters, and yet you have the damnable impertinence to ask me what
+you shall do."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But the highwayman, if you please, your honour," says the other, who
+was rather a stubborn fellow.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, the highwayman," says the squire.  "How dare you intrude a person
+of that low character when I am engaged with a brother magistrate?  Let
+the highwayman go to the devil too."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"In short," says I, reading the squire's disposition, "you can all go
+to the devil, the sooner the better.  Do you think the meeting of two
+gentlemen can be disturbed by such a petty matter?  I am about to ask
+the honour of the company of my brother justice over a bottle.
+Landlord, have the goodness to bring up some more of your excellent
+Burgundy, and also do us the service of sending these dirty rascals
+about their business.  There are no highwaymen here, and if there were,
+do you suppose that gentlemen are to be put to inconvenience by them?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Hereupon the squire, finding himself received in such high favour,
+hastened to second my proposal.  The posse was sent packing into the
+wind and rain to continue the pursuit of Mr. William Sadler, although
+they evidently had not the least idea as to which direction he might be
+in; whilst the magistrate proposed to take his ease in his inn, in the
+society of the very rogue his men had gone forth to seek.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The host soon returned with the wine, and we settled ourselves to
+good-fellowship.  To judge by the sly satisfaction that appeared at
+intervals in Mr. Sadler's venerable countenance, he was very well
+pleased with the arrangement; whilst I am sure the squire was vastly
+so.  As for Cynthia and myself, I think we both had some share in this
+satisfaction also.  We figured to ourselves the eventuality of being
+able to repay this numscull fellow in his own coin, by putting upon him
+some of the indignity he had been so prompt to put upon us that
+afternoon.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In a person of a better capacity it might have been a matter of
+surprise that we should have gone unrecognized.  But this squire was
+but a poor apology of a fellow, with probably as many wits as a rabbit,
+and as great a discernment as a mole.  And in my case there may have
+been some little excuse, for after all one man is very much like
+another, and differs not so much in his appearance as in his
+circumstances.  In the parlour of a tavern it is as easy to pass for a
+justice of the peace as it is in the stocks to pass for a rogue.
+Perhaps in Cynthia's case an even better excuse could be found for him.
+Instead of a dejected and bedraggled creature (madam hath twice already
+blotted this sentence out!) trudging at the side of a forlorn
+musicianer that blew the flute, here was a very different person.  Her
+muddy cloak had been discarded to disclose a very tolerable travelling
+attire beneath, which, laced as it was, could pass very well in the
+country for the first fashion.  Besides, in some impalpable feminine
+way, by some cunning trick of the sex, she had added here and there a
+touch to her hair and her person, till she shone forth as fair and trim
+in the glow of the fire and the candles as Herrick's Julia.  She was no
+longer the wandering female (saving her presence!), but the lady of
+quality, holding her court of three.  The brightness of the place was
+communicated to her cheeks and her eyes.  The dainty malice, the grave
+insolence, the superb disdain, the assurance and yet the solicitude of
+fashion wedded to beauty, youth to breeding, was a sufficient masque to
+the draggle-tailed little creature of the afternoon.  If it may be said
+of men that they are the victims of their circumstances, and cut their
+figure in the world according to them, how much more truly may the same
+be said of women, for are they not chameleons that receive their hue
+from their surroundings?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Being completely confident that we ran no risk of discovery from any
+exercise the squire might make of his natural faculties, I had no
+compunction about introducing Mrs. Cynthia and Mr. Sadler, that the
+feast of reason and the flow of soul might be unimpeded.  Thoroughly
+alive to the whimsicality of the passages that were like to ensue from
+such ill-assorted company sitting down together, I mischievously
+determined to give the thing a more extravagant touch if possible, by
+sailing as near to the truth as I could.  Therefore, fully aware of the
+delicious savour of the whole affair, Mrs. Cynthia was presented as my
+wife, the Countess of Tiverton, and our friend Mr. Sadler, the
+highwayman and lord knows what besides, as her ladyship's choleric
+papa, his grace of Salop.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Never, I vow, was a man so overcome with the society in which he found
+himself as this rustical clown of a justice.  Having plainly been used
+to no better all his life than that of his pigs, his sheep, his cows,
+his horses, the village beadle, and the worthies of the village
+ale-house, he had no higher sense of rendering what he conceived was
+due to our superior dignity, than they had in rendering the same to
+his.  His bows, his smirks, his grimaces, his gross flatteries, would
+have excited our pity had he deserved any.  They were so grotesque that
+even Mr. Sadler grinned through his great beard.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The landlord too fell in very sagaciously with the whole thing.
+Whatever opinion he might entertain on his own part of our figure in
+the world, the fact that we had been admitted to the friendship of Mr.
+Sadler was a sufficient guarantee of his not going unrequited.  Armed
+with this assurance he produced some really excellent wine in liberal
+quantities, and furnished us with the fullest meed of his respectful
+service; though it is gravely to be doubted whether he considered we
+had any better right to enjoy our titles than had Mr. Sadler.  But I
+will go bail for the justice, who rejoiced in the name of Hodgkin, that
+no such doubts invaded his mind.  He was simply happy.  His wildest
+dreams were realized.  His loftiest ambitions were fulfilled.  Was he
+not hobnobbing with the great at their own table on terms of perfect
+equality?  He never addressed any of us without bringing in our titles
+somehow, either as the prologue or the epilogue of what he had to say,
+sometimes as both, and in the middle too.  And just as a duke is a
+personage of more consideration than an earl, even if he be a justice
+of the peace, or a countess if she be young and fair, so did our
+squire, after he had felt his way a bit, had drunk a glass or two and
+got used to such unaccustomed company, direct the main of his attention
+to his grace of Salop.  Indeed such advances did he presently make in
+the good esteem of that venerable nobleman that he was fain to direct
+nearly the whole of his discourse to him.  He played him, and ogled
+him, your grace'd him this, and your grace'd him that, until he felt he
+had ingratiated himself into the highest favour.  And having attained
+to this good fortune, he could hardly bring himself to so much as look
+at Cynthia and me.  As in the case of his rustics and the inn-keeper,
+we, as it were, presently discovered him engaged with our betters; and
+he clearly hoped we should understand that to be the case.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap18"></a>
+CHAPTER XVIII
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+It was truly a novel kind of amusement to enjoy the patronage of such a
+clodhopper; but it was one infinitely rich in the comic.  The
+highwayman fell in exactly with the spirit of this comedy.  He seemed
+to take an almost diabolical pleasure in causing this pitiful specimen
+of human nature to reveal the weakness and sterility of his mind.  And
+I fear that this pleasure was communicated to Cynthia and myself.
+Could we have forgotten the persecution endured at the hands of the
+fellow that afternoon, we must have found it in our hearts to pity him
+in his fool's paradise.  But with the sense of our late indignities yet
+abiding within us, we followed the course of the play with the keenness
+and zest of the leading actor in it.  It was our revenge, and a very
+ample and satisfying one we felt it to be, although in the tameness of
+print it may not appear to possess the solid satisfaction of one
+administered with a cudgel or a pair of resolute fists.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+When at last the squire proposed to depart, he vowed that never had he
+spent an evening with such profit and enjoyment.  It far exceeded, he
+was good enough to say, the memorable one he had once had the honour to
+pass in the society of Colonel Musket of Barker's Hill.  He swore he
+would cherish the memory of it to his last day; and having humbly
+thanked his grace for his condescension and his affability; and having
+given a curt nod to Cynthia and myself, since the boon companion of a
+duke is surely entitled to dispense his patronage, our justice stumbled
+out into the rainy night, with more good wine in him than he deserved,
+and certainly more than he could decently carry.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ships, pegs, coos and 'osses," says the highwayman, breaking out into
+laughter as soon as our guest had lurched into the rain.  "Let a man
+live with them long enough, and they shall reduce his wit and
+understanding to the level of their own.  Was there ever such a pitiful
+cheese of a fellow in the world before?  If it were not such a foul
+night, and I lay less snug in my corner, I would go after him, drub him
+soundly, and fling him into the kennel.  But at least we have had an
+entertainment, and I have thought well to exact a ransom of him for his
+own."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here to our surprise our strange companion pulled forth a purse which a
+few minutes since had been the squire's.  The justice had been seated
+next the venerable duke, and had paid for the high privilege.  Besides,
+is it not an axiom among the great that they never condescend unless
+they are in need of a service, or can get something by their
+condescension?  His grace's exaction was the latter.  Neither Cynthia
+nor I could find it in our hearts to blame the highwayman for his
+trick.  Nay, I do not know that in one sense we were not secretly glad
+that a tangible and material punishment had been inflicted upon the
+fellow.  When the purse was opened it was found to contain the sum of
+nineteen pounds and a few odd shillings.  The highwayman, after a
+careful mental calculation, doled the money out into three heaps of
+equal value, and having slipped one portion, some six pounds twelve
+shillings, into his fob, pushed the two remaining portions over to us,
+insisting that in this adventure it was share and share alike.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Of course we could not bring ourselves to accept of our friend's
+somewhat embarrassing generosity.  But the sight of such a fortune to
+people in our penurious state, who had already partaken of much more
+than they could pay for, was temptation indeed.  Although we refused
+the gifts with the same courtesy with which they were offered, I fear
+that our eyes shone with a singular lust, and our minds rebelled as we
+did so.  The highwayman himself was astonished by our scruples.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear friends," says he.  "I confess I have never observed such
+reluctancy in persons of your kidney before.  You baffle me.  I cannot
+hold it to be generosity in you, since there can be little doubt that
+William Sadler makes a fatter living than you do with all your talents.
+Why then should you refuse a gift from a brother of your calling?  And
+it cannot be pride either, for if we come down to plain terms it is not
+a gift at all.  By all those unwritten laws that obtain amongst the
+brethren of our profession, you are each honourably entitled to take a
+share with me.  Come, my friends, pocket the affront and let no more be
+said."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The highwayman's high sense of right and wrong in regard to those he
+was pleased to call "the brethren of our profession" was really
+touching.  Nothing in the first place could convince him that we were
+not in that sense his brethren, and that we did not earn our livelihood
+by his uncompromising methods.  We had entered the inn by the aid of
+false protestations; we had ordered a meal that he was sure we had no
+means of paying for; we had connived at the escape of a desperate
+malefactor, and had committed a gross fraud on a justice of the peace;
+therefore he had every good reason to stand firm in his estimate of our
+character.  To my rejoinder that we hoped he would not pursue the
+matter, as we were anything but what we appeared to be, and were
+debarred by circumstances that had recently befallen us from publishing
+our true condition to him or to any one else, he replied with laughter
+of the most immoderate sort.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Rat me," says he, "this is no new tale.  I wonder how many times in a
+twelvemonth it does duty at Old Bailey!  But I do not like to be
+baffled by anybody, and I must say your behaviour is inexplicable.  It
+is Quixotic, my friends, it is Quixotic.  I cannot possibly let it
+pass.  I must beg you to accept these small monies as a token of my
+gratitude."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+He had the devil for his advocate too.  It truly was Quixotic.  It was
+wealth untold to persons in our condition; persons condemned to blow
+the flute from place to place for a livelihood.  We were reminded of
+nights in the rain; of empty bellies; of fainting limbs; of rags,
+misery and mud, and the hundred other ills that attend on a bitter
+poverty.  We had sevenpence in our pockets with which to discharge a
+score that would be reckoned in pounds.  What wonder that we felt our
+resolution falter before the lure that was laid before us?  Together,
+however, we prevailed where one of us singly might have given way.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The highwayman vented his perplexity in various ways.  He put forth a
+dozen theories that would cover our irreconcilable conduct.  But all of
+them were equally wide of the mark.  To all sources but the true one
+did he trace our demeanour.  That we were striving to be as honest as
+our circumstances would permit, never entered his head.  And when at
+last we gave him a cordial good-night prior to retiring to the chamber
+that had been prepared for us, he was fain to acknowledge that he was
+never so completely beaten by anything as by our behaviour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Smart you are, the pair of you," says he, "there's no manner of use in
+denying that.  But I'm damned if I can make head or tail of you.  Never
+heard of such a thing in my life as two pads on the road refusing their
+share of the booty.  But I like you none the less.  You are a
+well-favoured well-mannered pair, with rare good heads on your
+shoulders.  I'faith you are endowed with a most excellent presence.
+You are bound to succeed in the line you have adopted; but if you are
+not above taking a piece of advice from one who hath had a pretty long
+apprenticeship on the road, you will dress a trifle better.  Clothes go
+for a great deal.  A lord in rags counts for less than a postilion in
+ruffles and a laced coat.  You will not forget now; it is sure to mean
+such and such a sum per annum to you.  And harkee, here's a proposal.
+I've got such a fancy for you both, that if you like to take up with
+me, we will do the country in company and share the profits; and this I
+may tell you is an offer not to be blinked at, when it is made by
+William Sadler.  Little madam there shall be the decoy, and you and I,
+my lad, shall lift the blunt and generally attend to the practical
+matters.  Come now, I can't speak fairer; what do you say!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Much to Mr. Sadler's disappointment, and I believe to his astonishment
+too, I politely declined this liberal proposal.  It was almost
+incredible to him that a gentleman of his eminence and success could
+meet with a refusal.  It was like two green apprentices declining to
+enter into partnership with a master of the highest credit!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I confess you pass me altogether," says he in despair.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The last glimpse we had of this strange, whimsical, and in a sense
+gifted man, was his sitting at the table, with his wig, his spectacles
+and false whiskers removed, waving his good-night in the most cordial
+fashion.  He was as handsome and intelligent a fellow as I ever
+encountered; and I can readily believe what was asserted of him at the
+time of his hanging less than a year from this date, that he was a
+cadet of a noble family.  Certainly in his gaiety, generosity, and
+gallant good humour, he was the very type of man to win the great fame
+of the public that I believe was his.  Strange as it may appear, there
+was not one trace of vulgarity that I could discern in him; and leaving
+his peculiar ideas in regard to <i>meum</i> and <i>tuum</i> out of the question,
+in all other particulars he was a charming gentleman.  And if I am one
+day burnt for the heresy, I shall be ever the first to admit that in my
+short acquaintance of this wicked rogue that so richly came to be
+hanged on the Tree, I discovered better parts, a more chivalrous heart,
+and vastly more liberal talents than in half the persons of high
+consideration and great place, whose intimacy it has been my misfortune
+to submit to for a longer period.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As for Cynthia, the first thing she did in the privacy of our chamber
+was to burst into tears.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh," she sobbed, "to think that a man like that should be such a
+villain.  Oh, I am sure I cannot believe it of him."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then why weep for him?" says I.  "But what a pity it is that these
+villains are so delectable.  Even a man like your husband if he gets
+his deserts will come to be hanged.  Can you tell me, my dear, why it
+is that virtue never walks in these radiant colours?  Can it be that
+you strait-laced madams secretly lean to the wicked?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Poor Cynthia sobbed louder than ever.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, I cannot, I will not believe it of such a dear fine gentleman!"
+says she.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The next morning found us heavy of heart.  In what manner we could meet
+the landlord's charges we did not know.  Although we were both too
+proud to say so, I am sure we should have been greatly thankful could
+we have had our share of the highwayman's booty to comfort us.  After
+all it was a queer kind of scruple that preferred to rob the innkeeper
+rather than the squire.  For it was plain that he, poor fellow, must go
+unpaid.  Honesty, I take it, is largely a question of terms; and why we
+should hold it to be more venial to rob the one than the other I cannot
+tell.  We breakfasted over the hard problem of what to do.  We had no
+other course, we decided, than to persevere in the original fiction of
+our misfortunes on the road at the hands of a highwayman, and defer the
+settlement of the landlord's account against the time when our affairs
+had assumed a more prosperous shape.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As it happened, our misgivings and searchings of conscience were in
+vain.  The highwayman, who had ridden away in the small hours of the
+morning, had insisted unknown to us in giving at least some token of
+his gratitude.  He had discharged our score and his own in a handsome
+manner, the innkeeper said.  Perchance it was he held that our host
+merited some sort of reward for his behaviour too; and he doubtless
+held in the shrewd opinion he had formed of our condition, that it was
+little enough he was likely to receive at our hands.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In this fortunate manner we were able to go forth into the world again.
+Our hunger and weariness had been amply refreshed and our debts paid.
+We did not pause to consider that these happy contingencies had been
+brought about by the very means that we had so loftily disdained.  It
+was the squire's purse after all that had paid our charges.  Honesty,
+as I have said, is largely a question of terms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To the downpour of the night had succeeded a sullen morning.  The
+lowering sky promised more misery to follow.  The air was wet with
+mists; the trees dripped incessantly; every blade of grass shone with
+the dankness that clung to it, and the state of the deep-rutted, rude,
+uneven roads was terrible.  But even all these things together, and the
+fact that we had to plough our way, step by step, slowly through seas
+of mud could not entirely depress our spirits.  We felt ourselves in
+the society of one another, to be in spite of everything, invincible in
+our common courage, unconquerable in our common resolution.  The one
+sustained the other in these adventures.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My prettiness," says I, "it is under embarrassing conditions such as
+these that we should endeavour to sustain ourselves with a few tender,
+amorous passages of love.  I think I will pay you a compliment or two
+upon your beauty, if you will give me but a minute's time in which to
+rack my mind to find them."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"For your pretty speeches to be sincere, sir," says Cynthia, "they
+should be quite spontaneous."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Here is one," says I.  "The sunshine of your countenance lights up the
+morning's gloom."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A common enough figure, I confess," says she, "which a hundred poets
+have better exprest."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Here is another, then," says I, undaunted.  "The solace of your
+companionship sweetens the bitter miles."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Nay," says she, "I think no better of that trope than the first.  It
+wants a poet to give an originality, a point and grace, to things of
+this sort."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But every lover is a poet," says I triumphantly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am deluded then," says Cynthia, "for if your love is measured by
+your poetry I am like to die of a broken heart.  But after all, that
+last glib phrase of yours is but a poor sort of speech for a man to
+make to his mistress.  A poet, as all the world knows, is but an
+embellisher of common things."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A poet is more than that," says I.  "A thousand times more.  A poet
+is&mdash;&mdash;  A poet is&mdash;&mdash;"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A poet is?" says Cynthia archly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The human mind cannot express what a poet is," says I.  "He is all,
+and he is nothing.  He weaves a sovereign spell about material things.
+He can put a new glamour in the stars, although he cannot hold a candle
+to the sun.  He is the airy nothing that can reveal the face of God to
+simple men."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But what hath all this to do with Love?" says Cynthia.  "And I confess
+I never suspected this phase to your character.  I always held you for
+a common four-square kind of a fellow enough, by no means given to
+these sudden heats and violences, these sudden whimsies and
+nonsensicals."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"No more did I," says I ruefully.  "But it is so like this wretched
+passion to take us in our weakest part, which in me, as you are ever
+the first to remind me, is the head."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is not such a wretched passion neither," says Cynthia, "if it is
+but left to itself.  It is these low poets and people that debase it.
+Love is the noblest thing in the world, until your puny twopenny poets
+and the like sing of it, and prate of it, and write an advertisement of
+it, that they may earn enough to spend at the nearest tavern."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Alas! mistress," says I, "you are too severe on the muse.  There have
+been elegies composed to Love that could dignify even that sacred
+passion."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"All of which the sacred passion could very well have done without,"
+says my didactic miss.  "There is not a painter in the world, be he
+never so cunning, that can put a new colour in the sunset, nor is there
+an author of them all that can add a new rapture to a kiss."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Body o' me," says I, "you are not a little right there."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+If there is any vindication needed of the sex's incontestable
+prerogative to enjoy the last word in any argument, be it of the nature
+of metaphysics, reason or common practice, here is it to be found.  We
+stopped in the middle of the road and concluded our discourse with a
+chaste salute.  And I think there was a strain of poetry in us both as
+we did so.  The weeping heavens smiled upon us; all the wet verdure of
+the spring was a sparkling face that laughed and greeted us.  We went
+along refreshed and more cheerful of heart.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Yet it was a toilsome journey.  The mud clogged our feet, the damp
+pervaded our clothes, and our unaccustomed fatigues of the last few
+days were beginning to tell upon us terribly.  Never in all our lives
+had we given our feet such exercise.  We had not walked much beyond an
+hour this morning before I noticed with something of a sinking heart
+that poor Cynthia was limping.  At first these symptoms were hardly to
+be discerned, and when I taxed her with them, she denied them stoutly.
+But too soon were they revealed beyond a doubt.  It was getting towards
+noon before my proud little miss would in any wise admit this to be the
+case, though.  By then, however, she was so footsore that she could
+scarce drag one foot behind the other.  Chancing to pass near a
+handrail bridge a little later, that spanned a small clear stream
+running over long floating moss and stones, nothing would content me
+but she should go and sit upon it, take off her shoes and stockings,
+and bathe her bruised feet by dangling them over the side.  A little
+cottage nestling close at hand, fenced with box in front and
+apple-trees behind, thither I repaired to beg clean linen rags to wrap
+them in.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The cottage door was opened at my knock by a smiling, buxom housewife,
+who stood out upon a background of crowing babes.  No sooner had I made
+my request than with cheerful energy, says she:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh yes, sir, to be sure I can," and feeling that we were like to find
+a true friend in her, no sooner had I explained the occasion for it
+than she proved a friend indeed.  Having procured these requisites with
+a bustling promptitude, she carried them to Cynthia and found her
+seated on the bridge as I had left her, bathing her toes in the cool
+sweetness of the stream.  With many a "poor lamb!" and many a "deary,
+deary me!" she played the good Samaritan to my unlucky little one.  She
+dried them, comforted them, and bound them up with all the honest grace
+of her great good nature.  Never did I see a woman so brisk and
+motherly, and certainly never one so overflowing with true charity.
+When she had fulfilled her tender offices, and having kissed poor
+Cynthia on both cheeks in a most resounding manner, "because she was
+such a little beauty," she had us both go back with her to the cottage,
+that we might eat a bowl of curds and whey in the arbour cut in the
+laurel bushes, next the well, at the bottom of the garden.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Looking back on the scenes of our itinerary, this bustling, kindly
+housewife makes the fairest picture of them all.  Can the great who
+dwell in palaces conceive the degree of simple happiness it is in the
+power of such a creature to bestow?  Whenever subsequently, in an hour
+of gloom, I may have been led to doubt the essential goodness that lies
+buried in the hearts of our human kind, I insensibly recall the conduct
+of this honest woman on that wet spring morning when we came to her
+door afflicted of mind and body.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By gentle walking we were able to make many more miles that day.  But a
+shadow had come over us.  We had no longer the joyous intrepidity with
+which we had set out less than a week ago.  A foreboding had come upon
+us.  We could not hope to go much farther by our present mode.  My
+little companion, strive as she might to conceal the dire fact, was
+rapidly being overcome.  Her boots were wearing thin, she was already
+suffering much pain, and there was the sum of sevenpence left to us by
+which she could obtain her ease.  We had not the heart to endeavour to
+increase it by blowing further on the flute.  Besides, if the truth of
+that matter must be told, the stocks had given us a particular distaste
+for the gentle instrument.  As the slow, cloud-laden hours passed to
+the occasional accompaniment of rain, with no glint of sunshine to
+relieve their drab monotony, it called for all the courage of which we
+had made a boast that morning to keep us from repining.  The nearer we
+approached the evening the greater was our gloom.  There was the
+eternal problem of food and shelter to be solved.  The previous night
+our audacity had solved it for us.  But in our present state we both
+felt quite incapable of furnishing the necessary spirit and effrontery
+for a repetition of that bold trick.  Alas! our one desire was to be
+wafted by some magic into warmth and plenty that we might sup and fall
+asleep.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We spent our last pence at a hedge inn on our habitual repast of bread
+and cheese and ale.  But the longer we lingered, the cheerless,
+wretched place appeared to heighten our dejection, so that we hailed
+the wet countryside as a relief when we walked out again upon it.  But
+I cannot tell you how we dreaded the coming of night.  The barren
+character of the landscape, and the few people and the fewer
+habitations that we came upon probably increased the depression of our
+spirits.  Indeed, towards evening, the only human being that we
+encountered in several miles was a travelling tinker singing on a
+stile, and I think we could have wished to have been spared this
+meeting.  In our forlorn state we regarded such an irresponsible gaiety
+in the light of a personal affront.  But the dirty rogue had such a
+cheerful, jolly look that I was fain to accost him with my curiosity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I beg your pardon, sir," says I, "but why do you uplift your soul in
+merriment on such a dismal afternoon?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The tinker looked at me suspiciously, and then at his bundle reposing
+at his feet.  He evidently speculated as to what designs I could have
+upon it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is a good world, my lad, that is why I sing," says he, "and you'd
+be singing too, I fancy, if this was your first day out o' jail."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However that might be I am sure we both envied the tinker his frame of
+mind.  Our own was desperate indeed.  There was nothing for it but to
+push on relentlessly, and to hope against hope for some happy chance.
+We were both utterly wearied and dispirited by this; no houses were
+near at hand; and the night was closing in.  We were consoled in a
+slight degree with the thought that we were on a high road and that a
+shelter of one sort or another should not be far to seek.  By what
+means we should be able to avail ourselves of it in our destitute state
+was another question.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+In the very height of our distresses we suddenly came upon a wayside
+inn, and a scene of a violent and singular character was being enacted
+on the threshold.  Two persons, a man and a woman of mean appearance,
+had evidently just been ejected from it, since they stood resentfully
+in the middle of the road with divers bundles containing their goods
+and chattels scattered around them.  The landlord stood at the inn
+door, shaking his fist and declaiming his great indignation, whilst his
+wife, standing in a haven of security behind him, was giving rein to
+her own sentiments with neither hesitation nor uncertainty.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap19"></a>
+CHAPTER XIX
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+It seemed that the man and woman in the middle of the road were the
+ostler and chambermaid to the inn, who had just been convicted of a
+grave misdemeanour.  The language in which it was designated and
+described by the host and hostess, energetic in form and warm in colour
+as it was, could not, I fear, be reproduced in this chaste narrative.
+It must suffice to say that the guilty persons had been discharged at a
+moment's notice.  They were now resenting this extreme course from
+their station in the middle of the road; and whatever were the colours
+in which their own conduct had been depicted, it is greatly to be
+doubted, whether they could possibly have been more vivid than those
+applied to that of their late master and mistress.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+To these people in the midst of their altercation came Cynthia and I.
+Almost at the same instant a similar thought entered the minds of us
+both.  Why should we not apply for these vacated situations?  We had
+had no experience of such duties, it was true.  Our lot indeed would be
+arduous.  But we should at least be provided with a shelter for the
+night; and we could relinquish our unaccustomed tasks the moment we
+might feel ourselves better served by doing so.  A brief whispered
+conference as we stood apart in the road, and we decided to make
+application.  Never for an instant did the idea cross our minds that
+such a highly superior ostler and chambermaid could be anything but
+acceptable to the good people of the inn.  Yet when taking our courage
+in our hands we came up to the door, and I put forward my suggestion
+with a becoming modesty, the landlord seemed by no means so eager to
+close with this tempting offer as I had fully expected he would be.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Have you a character?" says he sharply.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh yes, I think I have a very good character," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Humph," says he, "you think you have a very good character, do you?
+Well, my lad, I should like to see it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well," says I, "a character is not very easy to see, unless there is
+something to show it by."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am quite aware of that," says the landlord sharply.  "However, we
+will leave this precious pair and go inside, light a candle and look at
+it."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With that, man and wife led the way within, and we followed meekly,
+leaving the discharged couple in the road to pursue their own devices.
+In what way a candle would enable them to discern our characters we
+could not tell, although we were half inclined to think that the common
+phrase "to hold a candle to" might have in fact a more literal
+significance than any we had dreamt of.  The inn kitchen presented a
+rosy fire and a cosy appearance.  The sight of it seemed to increase
+the sense of our unhappy plight, and I think we both anxiously awaited
+the landlord's judgment, for it was impossible to contemplate being
+turned out into the night again with equanimity.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Now then, my lad," says the landlord, "I will thank you to let me see
+your character."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I do not know how I can show you my character, sir," I ventured to
+say, "until I have been some little time in your service."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Come, that won't do, my lad," says the landlord, "I must either see
+your character or out you go."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Filled with misgiving, I was about to ask the landlord for an
+explanation of this odd demand, when it suddenly occurred to me that he
+wished to have it in writing, like any other master who was about to
+engage a servant.  I had to confess that I had not a character.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ha," says the landlord keenly.  "Then why did you leave your last
+place?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had to confess that I had never had a last place.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You don't mean to tell me," says the landlord, "that you have had the
+impidence to apply to me when you have never had no experience of the
+dooties?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I had to explain that such was the case, but earnestly stated that
+whatever I might lack in knowledge I would certainly make up in zeal.
+For all that it was like to have gone hard with our engagement had it
+not been for the intervention of the landlord's wife.  It may have been
+that vanity which is inseparable from the male character, but it did
+seem to me that from the first the good woman had been disposed to
+regard me with favour.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well, Joseph," says she at this critical moment, "he is a very proper
+looking young man, I am sure, and as honest looking as the day.  I am
+sure he will do his best if he says he will.  Besides, they are man and
+wife, which is a very main thing."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+This reference to the pair of us had the effect of diverting the worthy
+landlord's attention to Cynthia.  No sooner did he observe her than his
+objections became sensibly less formidable than they had been.  And I
+am afraid it was my little madam's <i>beaux yeux</i> and not our
+qualifications and accomplishments that got us the situation.  Yet even
+when we had been duly engaged at four pounds a year and our keep, there
+was like to have been a hitch.  The landlady's closer inspection of us
+revealed the fact that although I might, as she had been good enough to
+say be "a very proper-looking young man," Cynthia in her opinion was
+vastly too fine-looking a young woman.  She even went the length of
+describing her as "a blue-eyed slut."  Whatever the force of her
+objections, however, as she herself was entirely responsible for the
+engagement of the ostler, she could hardly have gainsaid, much as she
+could have wished to have done so, her husband's right to engage the
+chambermaid.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was in this singular but fortunate fashion then that we found
+ourselves once more provided for.  The inn being on a coaching road was
+not such a mean one as we had at first supposed.  The host and hostess
+of it did not seem to be such bad people either, and as they did not
+except to have company in the place until later in the evening, and
+observing that our travels had left us in a sorry condition, they
+allowed us to make a rough meal, and afterwards to sit by the fire a
+bit.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It went to my heart that my poor little companion should be brought to
+this pass, but she acquiesced in it so cheerfully, and with such a
+merry sense of the occasion as did a great deal to diminish my concern.
+She was indeed a courageous little creature; and there was something
+about her new duties that seemed to amuse her, for she went about them
+with a humorous zest as though she was laughing at herself while she
+did so.  All the same we were genuinely glad when at last the hour came
+for our retirement.  We were thoroughly wearied and footsore too.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We rose in much better heart betimes on the following morning, and set
+about our unaccustomed tasks with a vigour that compensated for our
+inexperience.  After all, they were of an elementary character, not at
+all difficult to learn.  To be sure it was more than a little strange
+at first to find ourselves engaged in such lowly capacities, but when
+after an hour or two the singularity had worn off, they became by no
+means irksome.  Indeed, the novelty of the thing might be said to pass
+the time pleasantly.  But as it happened, we were to be startled out of
+these pursuits in the rudest manner.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It chanced that about noon I had led the horse of a gentleman, who had
+passed the previous night at the inn, out of the stable round to the
+front door.  And while I was holding its head against its master's
+departure there arose a clatter of wheels on the road.  In a minute, or
+less, a chaise drew up at the door.  No glance was needed at its
+occupants to tell me to whom it belonged.  The peculiar shape and
+colour were quite sufficient to advertise me of that matter.  It was
+the Duke in person, accompanied by the indefatigable Mr. Waring.  His
+Grace lost no time in relinquishing the reins, and together they
+stepped from the vehicle to ease their legs somewhat, and entered the
+inn in quest of any little refreshment it might afford them.  Happily
+neither paid much heed to me.  Indeed beyond an order to give an eye to
+the horses and to fetch them a drink of water, I claimed no share of
+their attention.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+No sooner had they entered the inn, however, than in the midst of some
+self-congratulation on my present impunity from discovery, I was beset
+with a sudden fear of Cynthia.  What more likely than that they should
+directly encounter her, unless she could be apprised of their
+proximity?  She must be warned at all costs.  Fortunately at that
+moment the owner of the horse, whose head I was holding, appeared and
+relieved me of its charge.  Thereupon I hastily entered to advise
+Cynthia of her danger.  Yet I did so only to find that the worst had
+happened already.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+From the parlour the Duke's voice issued in a tremendous key.  There
+could be no doubt that it was as I feared.  I lost no time in hastening
+to my poor little one's assistance, if only to divert a portion of her
+father's wrath.  The scene that confronted me when I entered the inn
+parlour would not by any means have been devoid of a certain
+whimsicality had it not had so sinister a bearing on our fortunes.  The
+innkeeper and his wife stood aghast.  Mr. Waring was languidly helping
+himself to a pinch of snuff with an air of the frankest amusement.
+Cynthia was in a dreadful taking, and weeping bitterly.  The Duke, her
+father, was hopping about like a pea on a hot plate, and threatening to
+go off any minute into an apoplexy.  At my appearance he very nearly
+did so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You villain," he squeaked, shaking his fist in my face, and dancing
+round me, "you impudent, unblushing villain!  Have I routed you out at
+last?  Have I run you to earth, you damned young scoundrel?  By God,
+you shall pay a price; yes, you shall, so help me.  Your purse may be
+bankrupt, but you shall pay this account with the last drop of blood
+that is left in your black heart.  Pass your box, Humphrey."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Waring passed his box with a grim chuckling countenance; and his
+Grace paused in the midst of his violent denunciation to make use of
+it.  It appeared to lend him succour, whereon he continued with renewed
+vigour.  I would not like to set down here the number of hard names he
+put his tongue to, every one of which was levelled at my devoted head.
+To be sure I had used him pretty badly, but I fear that I was not in
+the least repentant.  I listened to his passionate abuse which he
+delivered in a curious senile staccato, with an amusement possibly as
+great as Mr. Waring's own, and certainly more cynical.  I don't think
+at the moment I cared much about the pass I was come to.  I was utterly
+desperate.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Poor little Cynthia, bitterly frightened as she was, and despite the
+tears that streamed from her eyes, was still very brave.  She could not
+bear to hear my name degraded in this manner.  In the face of her
+father's wrath she came to my side and took my hand, and I loved her
+the better for the deed.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Landlord," says his Grace, "don't stand gaping there like a pig on a
+spit.  Just have the goodness to bestir yourself, and fetch the
+constables.  This young scoundrel shall not go out of my sight, except
+in custody.  The law hath wanted him long, and as I'm a person, it
+shall have him, too."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was somewhere about this point in the scene, I think, that a bold
+expedient came unexpectedly into my head.  It had a full measure of
+audacity befitting the occasion.  If only we could make a dash out into
+the road and gain possession of the chaise one short instant before our
+enemies, all was not lost even now.  It was truly a remote chance, yet
+it was the only one that offered.  Therefore no sooner had it entered
+my mind than I set my will to work to put it in practice.  With this
+end in view I gave a furtive eye to the position of the parlour door.
+I found myself even now the nearest person to it.  I must contrive to
+get still nearer and acquaint Cynthia of the nature of my desperate
+design without arousing the suspicions of our furious papa or the
+languid Mr. Waring.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+As the landlord stood hesitating as to which course he should adopt,
+the Duke directed some attention to him, and gave him freely of his
+orders.  It was while our papa was thus engaged that I bent down to
+Cynthia and whispered my audacious plan into her ear.  From that moment
+we turned all our energies towards getting closer to the door without
+being suspected of doing so.  Every step we could encroach might
+presently be of the greatest possible service.  Unfortunately the fact
+that the parlour-door was closed was a great barrier.  We should not
+have time to open it and get away.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The Duke having at last prevailed on the landlord to go for the
+constables, it was with inexpressible anxiety that we watched him go
+out of the room.  If he would but leave that door unlatched we had just
+a chance of getting to the chaise in time.  With a thrill of
+satisfaction we saw him go out, leaving the door wide open behind him.
+The Duke and Mr. Waring were apart at the other end of the room, quite
+oblivious of any scheme we might be evolving.  They had forgotten
+apparently that a chaise and a pair of horses stood outside the door.
+Carefully noting the actions of our enemies and the degree of attention
+they thought fit to pay us, we sidled nearer and nearer, an inch at a
+time, to the parlour-door.  And at last, having concluded that the
+landlord had got well clear of the premises, and was therefore not
+likely to present any obstacle, I decided that now or never was the
+moment.  I whispered my last brief instructions to my little companion;
+and then taking our careless captors entirely unawares, she darted out
+through the door, and I as swiftly followed her.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The scheme had been thoroughly matured in my mind.  To allow Cynthia
+time to run on and gain access to the chaise, a proper control of the
+reins, and to set the horses in motion, I did not follow her at once,
+but preferred to bang the parlour-door in the face of our pursuers, and
+clung with both hands to the handle that they might be impeded as much
+as possible.  Once aroused to their danger, they lost not a second of
+time in besieging the door, but with my back firmly planted against the
+opposite wall I was quite a match for them in the matter of hauling.  I
+was able to detain them the wrong side therefore, until a cry from
+Cynthia informed me that she had fulfilled her part of the business.
+Thereon I suddenly released the handle, and our enemies found
+themselves so unexpectedly in possession, that they fell back one upon
+another, whilst I ran forth to the chaise.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was already starting briskly down the road.  I was able to overtake
+it and get in by the time the Duke and his friend showed at the door;
+and though they ran after us for a few yards they soon came to the
+conclusion, with the horses fleeing faster and faster, that immediate
+pursuit was hopeless, and relinquished the chase accordingly.  We had
+not gone very far, however, when we overtook the landlord on his way to
+fetch the constables.  That puzzled fellow made no effort to detain us,
+and in that I think he was well advised.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was some little time before we could get the excitement engendered
+by these events out of our minds, and realize that we were still in
+possession of our freedom, that most cherished thing, for which we were
+doing and suffering so much.  We had a chaise and a pair of horses too.
+But I do not think that any two persons could have looked so little in
+their places in such a handsome vehicle.  The appearance we presented
+must have been highly ridiculous.  Neither of us had cloaks or
+coverings for our heads, whilst I, in the pursuit of my late
+occupation, had divested myself of my coat in addition.  We were thus
+in absurd contrast to our fine manner of procedure.  Having put an
+honest mile between us and the inn, we began to examine the contents of
+the chaise with an eager curiosity, not unmingled with anxiety.  The
+first articles to rejoice our hearts were several thick rugs, which we
+lost no time in putting to use.  There was a case of pistols, too; and
+over and above these things we discovered to our supreme satisfaction a
+couple of travelling valises, the property of Mr. Waring and his Grace.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Our straits were much too dire for our minds to be greatly oppressed
+with the morality of things.  To us it seemed as though these
+travelling valises had come from heaven.  Robinson Crusoe on his island
+could not have had a devouter thankfulness when he recovered the
+articles from the wreck than we had in the contemplation of our
+treasure.  We experienced an exquisite curiosity as we speculated on
+what they might contain.  However, we deferred the opening of them,
+partly because the time and place would for the present be ill-chosen
+(we must put many more miles between us and the enemy before we could
+venture to draw rein) and again, because we desired, like a pair of
+children, to draw out to the outmost the pains of our delicious
+expectation.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap20"></a>
+CHAPTER XX
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+In this rapt condition of mind, and in this remarkable fashion did we
+proceed along the road.  Through villages and hamlets, past churches
+and inns, up hill and down we took our gallant way.  The sense of rapid
+motion made without the least inconvenience to our own jaded limbs,
+coming after hours of arduous travelling by their painful exercise, was
+incomparable, unless it be likened to what the soul must feel when
+wafted to Elysium on a cloud, after suffering the slow agonies of
+death.  The exhilaration of our progress was wonderful indeed.
+Steaming along the highways in an elegant equipage, the late oppression
+fell off our spirits and gaiety came out in us once again.  We did not
+know whither we were going, to be sure; it was sufficient that we were
+fortified with ways and means once more, and that we had so audaciously
+contrived to leave our pursuers in the lurch.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I wonder what are the contents of these boxes," says I, indulging a
+delightful speculation as we sped along.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I suppose we ought not to touch them, whatever they are," says Cynthia
+nervously.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"In that case," says I, "we must not open them."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, I think we might safely do that," says Cynthia in a voice of the
+deepest disappointment.  "Although they are not ours, that is no
+reason, as far as I can see, why we should not have just one peep at
+what they are.  That will be doing harm to no one, will it?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I fear it will be otherwise," says I mischievously.  "For if we get so
+far as the opening of the boxes I am sure we shall not be content with
+a mere inspection of the contents."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, Jack," says the indignant Cynthia, "how can you talk so.  I am
+sure you cannot mean to infer that we should be guilty of anything&mdash;of
+anything we ought not to be guilty of."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Of appropriating articles that belong to others, for example."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Yes," says she, "that is what I meant."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Well," says I, "is there not the melancholy case of our refusing the
+highwayman's booty in one form and accepting it in another?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"That I am sure we did not," says Mistress Virtue.  "We did not ask him
+to pay our bill."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To be sure we did not," says I, "but he paid it, none the less.  Now,
+had we acted in that matter according to your fine ideas, we should, in
+the first place, have delivered that highwayman up to the King's
+justice; then the rape of the squire's guineas would never have been
+committed, and the landlord's bill would not have been paid at all.
+That is why one is ever so perplexed by these high principles of
+conduct.  Why draw the line in one place and not in another?  Do we not
+make these arbitrary distinctions and often deny ourselves all manner
+of things thereby, when we can least afford to do without them, and yet
+there is not a day that passes but what we commit offences against our
+codes of honour with a cheerful heart.  So much depends upon the title
+by which an act is dignified.  Persons in our degree of life refer to
+certain sources of their emolument as privilege and monopoly, whereas
+if they were enjoyed by those in a humbler sphere, who would hesitate
+to denounce them as robbery and fraud?  Now these boxes being in our
+possession, and as we are quite destitute of means, is not there a
+hundred ways by which we can prevail upon our consciences to permit us
+to enjoy their contents?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia stoutly denied this specious reasoning at the time.  But after
+awhile, when the horses began to flag, and hunger, our ancient dogged
+enemy, began once more to assert himself, she was inclined to look at
+the matter in a rather more lenient light.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"We must incontinently perish of starvation by the way," says I,
+"unless these chests of Mr. Waring and his Grace, your papa, can help
+us.  Now which course shall we adopt?  And we to take the articles
+therein as a loan, fully intending to recompense their owners at a more
+fortunate season? or shall we simply take them without any reservation
+whatever, as lawful prizes won from the enemy in open fight?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I think I like the idea of the 'borrowing' best," says the scrupulous
+Cynthia.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Very well, then, we will effect a loan," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We could hardly venture to pull up at the door of any reputable inn in
+our present state.  We were the beggars no longer, but a lady and
+gentleman of quality.  Persons who drive about the country a pair of
+fine horses and a chariot of the first fashion are compelled to support
+their responsibilities.  That is ever the eternal drawback.  I, clad in
+the meanest of garments, divested of my coat and hat, would have been
+entirely at ease in my former mean character, and should have passed
+unnoticed in it.  But once I drove to the inn door in the Duke's
+chaise, attired in that fashion, I should be the talk of the place.
+Therefore I brought the horses to a halt, in a secluded part of the
+road, and proceeded to investigate the nature of the articles in the
+chests, in order to see if they could afford an embellishment to our
+present unfortunate garb.  We hoped to discover some money, too, for we
+had not so much as a penny between us.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+However, no sooner did we try to open these valises, than we received a
+serious set back.  They were both securely locked.  Search as we might
+among the cushions of the chaise, we could find, as we anticipated,
+never a trace of the keys.  We were greatly dashed, but still it was an
+opportunity for the display of our resources.  I got out of the
+vehicle, and after much poking about in a ditch at the side of the
+road, discovered a heavy stone.  Armed with this, I attempted to knock
+off the fastenings from Mr. Waring's box.  It was a tedious, weary
+business, for they were stout indeed, but at last patience, if not
+virtue, met with its reward.  The lid flew open and disclosed the
+precious contents.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Conscious of our ragged, penniless condition, we enjoyed every thrill
+that such treasure trove could afford us.  To prolong our pleasure we
+refrained from all reckless rummaging, but drew forth and duly examined
+each article in the order in which it was packed.  First came a suit of
+clothes, and then silk stockings, shoes, another suit of clothes,
+handkerchiefs, a razor, brushes, a cocked hat, and all the details that
+go to make up the masculine attire.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+But although we delved to the bottom of the box and searched every inch
+of it, we could not discover so much as a copper piece in money.  This
+was a severe disappointment, and we addressed ourselves fearfully to
+the opening of the Duke's box, for should that prove barren of it too,
+our pass would be indeed a sore one.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was no easier matter to force this box than it had been the other,
+but at last our task was accomplished and the thing stood open before
+us.  The articles within it bore a striking resemblance to those in the
+other, only that they were not so elegant and costly.  They began with
+a shirt and a white cotton night-cap, and below we came upon a wig and
+a dressing-gown, but although our hearts might beat never so wildly it
+was in vain that we looked for money.  Indeed, the only things that we
+might regard as a substitute for it were a few trifling articles of
+jewellery, such as a solitaire and a gold pin or two for the Duke's
+neckcloth, a pearl button, and a pair of shoes with silver buckles.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh," says I, bitterly, "never again will I be at the trouble of
+picking his Grace's baggage if this be the manner of his travelling.
+One would have thought that a duke of all people would have gone
+equipped handsomely.  I expected to find guineas galore; or, allowing
+his Grace to be a thrifty soul, and that he preferred to carry them in
+his boots or next his heart, I had certainly looked for a profusion of
+gold diamond ornaments.  Why, curse it all, never one of his toilet
+requisites hath so much as a pearl or silver handle.  Why, even his
+night-cap, which should be studded with precious stones, like the fez
+of the Shah of Persia, is but a common affair of white cotton.  A Duke
+is not alive to the responsibilities of his position who goes about
+with these mean accompaniments."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Poor papa," says Cynthia, sadly, "I confess that I ought to have known
+that we must go wanting should we rely on him.  It was ever his chief
+foible to make a halfpenny go as far as two farthings possibly could.
+Even the solitaire surprises me.  I am sure he must be proposing to
+break his journey at the house of the rich widow at Bath, to whom he
+hath been paying his addresses this twelvemonth, else he would never
+have encumbered himself with such an extravagant finery."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We were, indeed, bitterly disappointed.  Here we were, two persons of
+quality, with our own horses and chariot, with two boxes of luggage and
+a case of pistols, and not a grey groat piece to the two of us.  This
+fact seemed to acquire a new irony from our otherwise liberal
+circumstances.  Whatever could we do?  Cynthia suggested that we should
+sell one of the horses, as two were not essential.  However, I was firm
+in the opinion that so long as we retained the chaise we must have two
+horses to draw it, for the Duke was certain to lose not an instant in
+pursuing us in the hottest manner.  I then proposed that we should part
+with the vehicle itself and both the horses, and resume our wandering
+nomad life once more.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia shuddered at this.  She had plainly no zest now for our former
+mode, nor could it be wondered at, poor child, when her trials and
+exertions came to be considered.  Had there only been me in the case I
+should not have hesitated to try to find a purchaser for our equipage,
+difficult as the matter might have proved.  For I was convinced that we
+were really in a more unsafe situation now than ever before.  It would
+be impossible to avoid publicity; and at every inn we came to we should
+be the objects of conjecture, and everything pertaining to us would be
+discussed and commented on.  Besides, we could no longer sleep where we
+listed.  The horses would require rest and succour whatever the
+deprivations of their masters.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After addressing and re-addressing ourselves to the great problem of
+how to obtain the service of innkeepers without paying for the same, we
+came to the conclusion that we could best hope to do so by adopting a
+former expedient, which was attended with not unhappy results.  In lieu
+of hard cash we must present them with a grievous tale of being stopped
+by a highwayman, who had taken our last penny.  To do this with the
+best effect, however, we must neglect no opportunity of maintaining in
+our own persons the status of our chaise and horses.  My own attire did
+well enough for an ostler, but as our friend Mr. Sadler had pointed
+out, it was likely to detract from the story we had to tell.
+Therefore, I decided to exchange my raiment for the more appropriate
+clothes of Mr. Waring.  I did not apprehend any difficulty in regard to
+the fit, as we were greatly alike in stature.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+With this end in view I selected the necessary articles of apparel from
+the box, and left Cynthia to take care of our vehicle, whilst I retired
+into the shelter of a neighbouring hedge and made a complete
+transformation of my outward semblance.  Mrs. Cynthia was hugely
+delighted at the result.  She had never quite been able to acquiesce in
+my late style, and her feelings on the subject were pretty clearly
+indicated by her immense satisfaction now.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Shoes, and silk stockings too," says she with a childlike pleasure.
+"And what a dear laced coat, and what nice white ruffles!  I am certain
+you make a far more perfect gentleman than you do an ostler, though to
+be sure you are greatly lacking a shave."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"It is ever so," says I.  "The moment one goes up in the world one's
+responsibilities multiply.  When I was an ostler my unrazored chin
+passed without comment; but the moment I improve my condition I must
+shave every morning, or else be more miserable than ever I was in my
+former station."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mrs. Cynthia was too preoccupied with my appearance to chide me for
+long-winded truisms of this sort.  I must not omit to state that during
+my absence she had supplied the deficiencies in her own attire by
+taking a smart three-cornered hat of Mr. Waring's which, though greatly
+too large for her, she had contrived artfully to adjust on the back of
+her head, and thereby gained a sweetly rakish appearance from it; and
+further supplied her lack of a cloak in a no less skilful fashion by
+draping one of the rugs about her in a way that simulated such an
+article.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We came to an inn with our pitiful tale.  We had it all most
+wonderfully pat, having rehearsed it carefully, until we were able to
+pour it forth with an infinity of detail.  If the distressed condition
+of the horses, and our own evident sincerity were not enough, there
+were the boxes all tumbled and ransacked to add weight to the evidence.
+Our imposition being so well received, and the attitude of the landlord
+seeming so friendly, we determined to run the risk of being overtaken,
+and break our journey here for an hour while we made a meal, and the
+horses were fed and rested.  Whether it was that the landlord was a man
+of a most tender heart, or that our address was so truly excellent, I
+cannot say, but certainly the honest fellow did not hesitate to take us
+at our own valuation.  If there was any small particular in which he
+could serve the earl and countess he should be more than happy.  The
+small particular in which he was able to do so was by remitting the
+amount of our charges against a future occasion, and by lending us a
+guinea or two on no better security than the possession of our pleasant
+manners and a chaise and a pair of horses.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+We went our way in much better heart.  We were fortified indeed by such
+a generous confidence.  And so susceptible is the mind to the opinion
+of others, that on the strength of the landlord's disposition, we began
+to hold up our heads again in the world, and to take a rose-coloured
+view of our affairs.  All was not lost yet by a good deal.  With our
+admirable equipage we had resources of a sort; and we were still in the
+complete possession of our freedom.  It remained for us to utilize it
+to the full.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was while we were engaged with this train of speculation that a
+concrete and definite idea came into my head.  Why not make for the
+port of Bristol and flee the country?  Why not indeed?
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"A brave plan, truly," Cynthia says, "but we cannot do it without
+money."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"We will sell our horses and chariot to some honest vintner of Bristol
+city," says I, "and the proceeds should easily suffice to take us to
+the Americas."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although Mrs. Cynthia shook her head and deprecated it as a wild-goose
+scheme, she was compelled to admit that it was the best that offered.
+Her protests were not unmingled with regret, for she could not be got
+to consider it so light a thing to renounce her country.  For my part I
+must confess that I was troubled with no such scruples.  Like all
+persons who serve it scurvily, and who are least of an ornament to it,
+I held myself to be as ill-used by it as ever it had been by me.  I
+felt that I could renounce it for ever without a pang.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+After some little meditation I became immeasurably taken with this
+scheme.  There was no reason why with one bold stroke we should not
+renounce our liabilities and put away our dangers.  Every hour we spent
+in England now was at our peril.  But let us reach the port of Bristol
+and turn our chaise and horses into ready money sufficient to defray
+the expenses of the voyage, and once again should we be able to breathe
+the air of freedom.  Seeing me more than ever possessed with the
+notion, Mrs. Cynthia, like a dutiful wife, began presently to yield to
+it.  She owned at least that a life over seas could not be much more
+precarious than the one we were at present enjoying, and it might
+conceivably be less so.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But I could wish," says she, "that we had more to found our fortunes
+on.  How can we support ourselves when we get to&mdash;to
+what-d'ye-call-'em?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You will spin, my dear," says I, "and I shall delve, in some lone wood
+cabin on the prairie."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"But we shall perish of the dulness in a twelve-month."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Oh no, my dear," says I, "there will be wild beasts and Red Indians to
+provide us with more than enough of relaxation."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By slow degrees I brought her so entirely to my way of thinking, that
+she became as keen to make the port of Bristol as ever I could be.
+Indeed, so much were we put in mind of this that we began to make
+inquiries of our whereabouts, that we might set our faces thither at
+the earliest moment.  We lay that night at an honest, comfortable inn,
+and learned to our surprise that our wanderings had brought us to
+within a day's journey of Exeter.  We had certainly not supposed that
+we had come so far from town, nor that we had penetrated so far into
+the country of the enemy.  For, as Cynthia excitedly exclaimed, in the
+near neighbourhood of Exeter was her father's seat.  This unexpected
+circumstance wrought upon her in a singular way.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I would dearly love to look on the old place for the last time," she
+said.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although her father's house had in itself so slight a hold on her
+affection that she had renounced its advantages for ever, despite all
+the desperate consequences of such an act, its proximity had still the
+power to kindle a sentiment in her heart.  Besides, as a little later
+she pointed out, there was a certain expedience in going thither.
+There were some small pieces of her personal property that she had left
+behind in the sudden recklessness of her flight, which could be easily
+retrieved and would add materially to our resources.  This to my mind
+was something like an argument.  I had no longer that fine disregard
+for ways and means with which I had set out on our pilgrimage.  Money
+was a base consideration enough, but it seemed a mighty difficult
+matter to do without it.  Cynthia's few jewels and trinkets were likely
+to serve us too well, even in the Americas, for us to afford to
+disregard them.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here then was an end to all my objects.  We would diverge a little out
+of the straight road to Bristol, and pay a visit to Cynthia's home in
+the absence of her papa.  We counted for our safety on the fact that we
+must be some hours ahead of that irate old gentleman.  All the same, we
+were taking a considerable risk.  Much depended on how soon our papa
+had been able to replace the chaise and horses we had stolen from him.
+But I do not think we hesitated an instant on this account, having once
+committed ourselves to this daring course.  Besides, there was a
+certain savour of humour in paying a call on his Grace in these
+circumstances, which did a great deal to reconcile us to the
+inconvenience.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap21"></a>
+CHAPTER XXI
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+The whimsical plan fixed in our minds, we began at once to conceive a
+keener rest for our affairs.  Notwithstanding the urgency of our
+travelling, we had not exchanged the Duke's horses at any of the
+posting-houses we had passed.  Poverty had taught us a fine economic
+prudence.  Whatever we might gain in speed we should lose in momentary
+value, for his Grace's animals were an admirable pair, on which the
+best part of our fortune depended at Bristol.  The continuous strain
+was already telling on them, however, and they flagged a good deal
+during the day.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The evening had already come when we approached our destination.  Among
+the country lanes in the twilight it called for all Cynthia's intimate
+knowledge of the neighbourhood to enable us to pursue the direct path
+to her father's house.  The moon was showing over the trees, and we
+were within a mile of the place, according to madam's account, when we
+were startled by a disconcerting incident.  A sudden clatter of horses'
+hoofs arose in the lane.  From whence they came we could not tell; but
+before we had time to think much about them, a horseman was riding
+beside us, with a particularly sinister-looking pistol presented at our
+faces.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My poor little madam nestled to me in a great deal of terror; but for
+my own part I must confess that I was more annoyed than daunted by such
+an unwarrantable intrusion.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My dear fellow," I protested, "you are but wasting your time; and you
+are wasting ours too, which just now I am inclined to think is the more
+valuable.  We have not a guinea in the world.  Had we one we should be
+only too happy to present it to you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The highwayman laughed in a familiar voice.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Why," says he, putting a pair of mischievous eyes into the chaise, "is
+it not my friend, Lord What's-his-name?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My love," says I to the trembling Cynthia, "here is your papa."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Of course," says the highwayman, "you mean the Duke of Thing-em-bob."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To be sure I do," says I.  "We are very well met, I think."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+By this our chaise had stopped, and Mr. Sadler had pulled his horse up
+too.  I was not at all displeased by this interruption, for in any
+circumstances the sight of this merry, cheerful fellow was welcome.  He
+was one of those rare persons whose voice alone had the power to charm.
+He was a genial rogue indeed; an engaging spirit whom to meet was to
+ask to dinner.  We were already the better for his society.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Therefore, as we had but a mile to go to the Duke's house&mdash;Hurley Place
+was the name of it&mdash;I proposed that we should carry him along with us,
+and enjoy his company at dinner.  Mr. Sadler was nothing loth.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Wherefore it fell out that the Lady Cynthia returned to her ancestral
+home in the company of a notorious highwayman, and a bankrupt, a
+discredited peer.  What a suppressed excitement there was to be sure
+when we drove up to the door, and it became known among the servants
+that the Lady Cynthia had returned of her own free will!  More than one
+aged servitor, who had grown old in the service of the Duke, was so
+affected by the erring child's return that he shed a silent tear.
+Inquiry elicited the fact that there was no reason to expect our papa
+at present: and that not a word had been heard of his Grace since he
+had left the house in pursuit of his naughty daughter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Nothing could have been more delightful than the sensations we
+experienced on our brief re-entry into civilization.  What luxuries in
+the matter of washing, shaving, and polishing generally were we able to
+enjoy after the discomforts of our itinerary!
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Cynthia had her own maid to dress her; Mr. Sadler was provided with a
+valet of the Duke's, and another man was found for me.  Orders were
+given to the butler that the best dinner for three persons the cook
+could devise was to be served in an hour, and in the meantime we
+arrayed ourselves in our choicest garments to do justice to it.  It was
+the last evening of luxury we were likely to spend; and we were
+determined that we would neglect no opportunity of making the most of
+it.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The contents of Mr. Waring's valise were a material assistance to my
+wardrobe, and for that matter to Mr. Sadler's too.  His silk stockings
+and breeches, brocaded vests, and laced coats, served us admirably.  We
+took advantage of them, chiefly, I think, for the laudable reason that
+we might do the more honour to Cynthia and the dinner.  And I at least
+am free to confess that the sensation of having once again clean smart
+clothes upon my person gave a wonderful impetus to my self-esteem.  I
+felt that I could look the world in the face once more, and that I was
+again my own man.  I never was a scoffer at the virtues of fine
+clothes, and distrust him that is.  So long as one is sure of one's
+tailor, one's soul may take care of itself.  The grace of a good coat
+is communicated to the wearer.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Although Mr. Sadler and I were attired as near the first fashion as our
+borrowed plumes would permit, we were as nothing to Mrs. Cynthia.  When
+she joined us in the room where the dinner was laid, my friend, the
+highwayman, <i>blasé</i> as he was, could not repress his admiration.  She
+did indeed appear to perfection not only in the cunning of her gown,
+but in the sparkling animation of her face, her lively colour, and the
+mocking intrepidity lurking in her eyes.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Her mood was a match for the occasion.  She clearly recognized the
+extravagant whimsicality of sitting down to dinner in such company, at
+such a season, and in such a place.  It was a piece of mad folly, of
+cynical bravado; and she took her seat at the table with an air of
+reckless mischief that was wholly adorable.  She played the game.
+To-morrow we must leave our native land for ever, but that night we
+contrived to forget everything&mdash;our perilous situation, our destitution
+and our desperate case, in quips and jests, good wine and boisterous
+laughter.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Mr. Sadler afterwards, very deservedly I do not doubt, came to be
+hanged.  But it was sound judgment in me to invite him to our last
+dinner.  What a fine merry rogue he was, to be sure!  What an instinct
+he betrayed for goodfellowship!  He came to be hanged, it is true, but
+that night his laugh rang the loudest and frankest, his jests had the
+keenest edge, and it was from his eyes that the most whole-hearted
+humour beaconed.  He was as merry a rascal as any with whom I ever had
+the honour to drain a glass.  But he was a man of true breeding too, so
+that he neither embarrassed Mrs. Cynthia as a highwayman less of a
+gentleman doubtless would have done in such singular circumstances; nor
+did he once arouse anger or jealousy in me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"To your eyes, your ladyship, and to your lordship's nose," so far from
+provoking offence, became a source of mirth from the frank jovial tones
+with which it was uttered, and the inimitable gestures by which it was
+accompanied.  For his own part, Mr. Sadler admitted that this meeting
+was highly piquant to him, since on a former occasion he had solemnly
+written us down in his own mind as a pair of cheats and impostors.  It
+struck him as an entirely remarkable circumstance that after all we
+should prove to be the very persons we had purported to be; and as one
+no less so, that he should ever have presumed us to be otherwise.  But
+as I pointed out to him, after all, his error was not so surprising.
+The judgment of the world is at the mercy of the obvious.  It prefers
+to appraise a picture by its frame.  Were it otherwise, our very
+titles, and material distinctions of that kind, would cease to have a
+meaning.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Oblivious of everything, we continued to eat and drink, and be of good
+cheer.  In the audacity of our mood neither Cynthia nor I gave a
+thought to our pursuers.  We did not consider that we were in the house
+of the enemy, and that it could be by no means unexpected that we
+should be surprised at any hour.  And I am not sure that we were
+prepared greatly to care should aught so untoward happen.  By this I
+believe we were utterly desperate.  A reaction had come upon us.  We,
+who had been so excessively solicitous for the well-being of our skins
+and the preservation of our perfect liberty, were at this moment unable
+to muster much interest in these matters.  We were in a warm room, in a
+congenial society, snug, well fed, and mighty well content.  No two
+persons could have been in a happier case in which to confront the
+worst.  Let the devil walk in if he chose.  For once we were in a
+condition to beard him.  Our cheeks burnt; our eyes shone; our hearts
+were overflowing and generous.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Such was the state of our minds, when without a solitary note of
+warning, and as a wholly natural consequence, the devil walked in.  In
+the very height of our cheerful rattle, of our foolish talk that
+hallowed by the bottle was so witty, the door opened suddenly, and the
+oath that sprang to my lips involuntarily to greet the servant who had
+so unceremoniously obtruded himself upon our familiar gaiety, was
+stifled before it was uttered.  The little Duke hopped in, purple, and
+gobbling like a turkey.  The cool and smiling Mr. Humphrey Waring,
+chewing his eternal wisp of straw, followed at his heels at a more
+elegant leisure.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I suppose their sudden unheralded appearance was to us in the nature of
+a thunderbolt.  Yet after all it was so little unexpected as not to
+astonish us.  And, speaking for myself, now that I was fairly cornered,
+my last card played, the old recklessness returned, and instead of
+faltering before this outraged old gentleman, I rose, bowed, and
+greeted him with the completest self possession.  And as I did so,
+whether by virtue of the noble wine of his Grace's cellar, or as
+probably by an ecstasy of desperation, I conceived a kind of joy of our
+meeting.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Between his alternate gobblings and hoppings and gaspings for breath,
+the old gentleman must have come perilously close to his inevitable
+apoplexy.  At first in his inarticulate fury he could neither speak nor
+act; and I found myself awaiting his good pleasure quite a long time,
+with a smile of greeting on my lips, and my hand on my heart.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div class="chapter">
+
+<h3><a name="chap22"></a>
+CHAPTER XXII
+</h3>
+
+<h4>
+THE LAST
+</h4>
+
+<p>
+In the end it was neither his Grace nor I who broke the spell.  Mr.
+Waring took the wisp of straw from his teeth, and says:
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Tiverton, my dear fellow, you amuse me."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I rather amuse myself," says I, a little wearily.  "We are come to the
+last act in this somewhat pitiful poor-hearted sort of farce, and I
+suppose we must continue furiously to laugh until the curtain is rung
+down."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Of course, my dear fellow, of course," says Waring.  "But before we do
+so, would it not be as well if we had a few brief explanations in the
+true stage manner?  In the first place, may I ask why you so
+persistently shun the society of the one person who is the most likely
+to contribute something towards setting you right in the eyes of the
+world?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I confess I do not understand you," says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then I am sorry for it," says my rival, with a strange frank smile.
+"For, after all, the person I refer to is myself."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"You?" says I.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+The incredulity in my voice caused the man to open his snuff-box very
+deliberately, and to offer its contents to me.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Perhaps, after all," says he, "there is no particular reason why you
+should take my meaning.  For you have doubtless forgotten that I am the
+only person now alive who was privileged to witness a certain incident.
+But that of course may be a fact you may wish to forget; or the
+incident in question may be too trifling for your recollection.  In any
+case I ask your pardon if I weary you."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"On the contrary," says I coldly, "you interest me vastly."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The topic is one I should crave your pardon for mentioning," says the
+other, with his baffling air; "were not your interest so greatly at
+stake.  I presume you are not unacquainted with the construction the
+world hath already put upon this matter?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am not," says I curtly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then I hope, my dear fellow," says Waring, "you will accept a service,
+however slight, at my hands.  My testimony may be of some little value
+to you before a jury of your peers."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+My rival held out his hand with a jovial grace.  I stood looking at it,
+groping, with the wine still in my brain.  For the candour sparkling in
+the fellow's eyes was a thing I had never seen in that place before;
+the winning earnestness of it was so hard to realize that it
+overwhelmed me.  The bitter truth suddenly poured into my heart like a
+torrent.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"My God," says I, "all this time I have been weighing your character by
+the measure of my own.  Is it not ever the fate of the mean and the
+little to do so?  You have been the phantom, from whom we have fled.
+The phantom, however, was not in a chaise and pair, but in our own
+hearts!"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"The old fault, Tiverton, I protest," says Waring.  "What a trite,
+pragmatical, moralizing fellow it is!  I do hope you will not, like
+your damned old ancestor, lay a burden on an unprovoking posterity and
+write a book."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Ecod, I will," says I, "one day.  I will take a revenge of my mean
+mind by exhibiting it naked to the sneers of the world.  But in the
+meantime, Waring, I must show you in your true colours to my little
+Cynthia.  Even her feminine penetration had not divined them."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+It was a light word, lightly uttered; and I cursed myself.  The man was
+as pale as his neckcloth, and the old mocking whimsicality&mdash;alas!  I
+had nearly writ ugliness&mdash;was in his eyes.  There was but an instant in
+which this was to be observed, however, for with shaking fingers he
+opened his snuff-box, and regained possession of himself.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+I offered him my hand.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Waring," says I, "we cannot ever be friends.  You will continue to
+loathe me as you would a thief; and I on my part shall continue to hate
+you for the consummate hypocrite and charlatan you are.  But, curse my
+jacket, sir! as a dilettante in the arts, as a lover of the beautiful,
+I shall reverence for ever your singularly noble character."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Then I am repaid," says this cynical, candid devil.  "'Tis the reward
+I had looked for, my good Tiverton, that you, robber and ruffian as you
+are, whose foremost desire will ever be to put an inch of steel in my
+heart, should yet be condemned to lay your neck in the dust while
+Humphrey Waring walks upon it.  I do not think I could desire a
+prettier revenge.  'Tis a dear pretty chit, though."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Involuntarily his eyes wandered across the room to Cynthia.  Mine
+followed them, in spite of myself, jealously.  It was then I saw that a
+strange thing had happened.  Father and daughter were seated together,
+tears streaming down their faces, locked in one another's arms.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Your victory is completer than I had supposed," says my rival coolly.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+At the moment I did not perceive the full force of his meaning.  An
+instant later, however, I had that felicity.  The old man in a broken
+voice called me over to him.  The tears still streamed down his cheeks.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"I am a foolish, fond old man," says his Grace.  "Curse it all, was
+there ever such a damned, snuffling, weak old fool as I am!  Ecod, I
+must be very old.  How old am I, Humphrey?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Eighty-two in December, Duke."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Curse me, so I am," says his Grace.  "If I hadn't been so old&mdash;if I
+had been eighty now, if I had been eighty&mdash;I would 'a broken a stick
+across your shoulders, miss, and I would 'a peppered your hide with
+lead, young what's-your-name.  But as I'm so old, 'od's lud!  I suppose
+I must be benevolent.  Miss says she loves you, young man&mdash;don't you,
+my pretty pet?&mdash;And she says you love her, so I suppose you had better
+marry her.  Humphrey won't mind; will you, Humphrey?  You be an old
+bachelor, and don't be plagued with daughters.  But I forget the
+fellow's name; what's his name, Humphrey?"
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Tiverton," says Humphrey.
+</p>
+
+<p>
+"Of course," says the Duke.  "Knew your father, young man; thin man
+with a bald head and no chin; used to stutter when he got excited.
+Knew your grandfather too.  Of course I knew your grandfather, he, he,
+he!  Was at Eton with him.  Great man, your grandfather; writ a
+pamphlet or something.  Dirty little varlet at Eton; had red hair.
+What is the amount of your debts, young man?  I suppose I must pay 'em,
+though why I don't know.  But we'll go into it to-morrow, young
+Tiverton.  I must go to bed.  Give me your shoulder, Humphrey."
+</p>
+
+<p>
+Here is the end of my prosaic history.  The Duke's credit and
+influence, and Mr. Waring's testimony averted those calamities that had
+been such a nightmare to us.  We also had the banns cried; and were
+married all over again by Parson Scriven, lest any irregularities in
+regard to the union of Jane Smith and John Jones, or Jane Jones and
+John Smith, should recoil on their heirs.  Mr. Waring lives on his
+property in Ireland, troubles Saint James's little, and Devonshire
+less.  Mr. Sadler, as I have said, came to be hanged.  No man of the
+world was more courteous and polite than he; no man was more genial;
+yet I should be the last to deny that his fate was richly merited.
+Even in the very moment of our reconciliation on that eventful night,
+he stole away.  A pair of cameos of great price went with him, I grieve
+to say.  It may, of course, have been his boast that he too was a lover
+of the beautiful.
+</p>
+
+<p class="finis">
+THE END
+</p>
+
+<h5>
+LONDON: WARD, LOCK &amp; CO., LIMITED.
+</h5>
+
+<hr />
+
+<h3>WARD, LOCK &amp; CO.'S</h3>
+
+<h2>Sevenpenny Net Novels</h2>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+<i>Cloth Gilt.  With frontispiece, and attractive coloured wrapper</i>, 7<i>d.
+net</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Fiction-lovers have welcomed the appearance in this dainty and
+attractive form of some of the best work of leading modern novelists.
+All the stories included are copyright and of proved popularity.  The
+type is large and readable, and the neat cloth binding renders the
+volumes worthy of permanent preservation.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE GARDEN OF LIES.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+The novel with which Mr. Forman attained popularity.  A real romance,
+full of vigour, passion and charm.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+ANNA, THE ADVENTURESS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Mr. Oppenheim excels himself in this story, which has been the most
+successful of all his novels.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+RAINBOW ISLAND.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+LOUIS TRACY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"Should be hailed with joyous shouts of welcome."&mdash;<i>The Literary World</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE IMPOSTOR.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Will live and always rank as its author's most powerful and engrossing
+work.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE MOTHER.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+EDEN PHILLPOTTS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"This is Mr. Phillpotts' best book," said <i>The Daily Telegraph</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A STUDY IN SCARLET.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+(The first book about Sherlock Holmes.)
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A. CONAN DOYLE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"One of the cleverest and best detective stories we have
+seen."&mdash;<i>London Quarterly Review</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A MAKER OF HISTORY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Mr. Oppenheim's skill has never been displayed to better advantage.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+BUCHANAN'S WIFE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+JUSTUS M. FORMAN.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A thoroughly fine book from start to finish.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE PILLAR OF LIGHT.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+LOUIS TRACY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A wonderfully fascinating and breathlessly exciting story, told in Mr.
+Tracy's best style.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A BID FOR FORTUNE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+The first and best of all the exciting adventures of Dr. Nikola.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE DAY OF TEMPTATION.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+An enthralling mystery tale.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE BEAUTIFUL WHITE DEVIL.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A more exciting romance no man could reasonably ask for.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+WHEN I WAS CZAR.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A really brilliant novel, full of dramatic incident and smart dialogue.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE CRIMSON BLIND.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+FRED M. WHITE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+One of the most ingeniously conceived detective stories ever written.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE LODESTAR.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A fine and distinguished romance.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+IN WHITE RAIMENT.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Absolutely the most puzzling and enthralling of Mr. Le Queux's many
+popular romances.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+NOT PROVEN.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+The finest emotional and entertaining story these authors have written.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+YOUNG LORD STRANLEIGH.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+ROBERT BARR.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"The most amusing and at the same time the most exciting novel of the
+year."&mdash;<i>Manchester Courier</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE DUST OF CONFLICT.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Another excellent story of adventure comparable to its Author's great
+success "The Impostor."<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+TWO BAD BLUE EYES.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"RITA."
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A delightfully charming and exciting story of strong human interest.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+MR WINGRAVE, MILLIONAIRE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+E. P. OPPENHEIM.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A rattling good novel of remarkable power and fascination.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE CORNER HOUSE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+FRED M. WHITE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Crammed with sensation and mystery&mdash;an excellent romance that will be
+eagerly read.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+IN STRANGE COMPANY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A capital novel of the sensational-adventurous order.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE SPORTING CHANCE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A. AND C. ASKEW.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A bright and alluring story that is well worth reading.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE GOLD WOLF.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Throbbing with interest and excitement from start to finish.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE SECRET.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"One of the most engrossing stories we have read."&mdash;<i>Daily Telegraph</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A DAMAGED REPUTATION.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"Once more we repeat that Mr. Bindloss has stepped into the shoes of
+the late Seton Merriman."&mdash;<i>Daily Mail</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE SOUL OF GOLD.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+This story has been acclaimed by <i>The Daily Telegraph</i> as worthy of
+much praise and cleverly worked out.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE MARRIAGE OF ESTHER.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A story full of action, life, and dramatic interest.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+LADY BARBARITY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+J. C. SNAITH.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"'Lady Barbarity' would cheer a pessimist in a November fog."&mdash;<i>Black
+and White</i>.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+BY WIT OF WOMAN.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+The ingenuity of this exciting story positively takes one's breath away.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+LOUIS TRACY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE WHEEL O' FORTUNE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A bright and breezy adventure story.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE SLAVE OF SILENCE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+FRED M. WHITE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Plot and counterplot, mystery and excitement, sentiment and
+romance&mdash;all skilfully blended.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+DARBY AND JOAN.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+"RITA."
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+One of Rita's most enthralling tales.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE RED CHANCELLOR.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+SIR WILLIAM MAGNAY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A romantic and breathlessly exciting yarn.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE TEMPTRESS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A fascinating mystery story of holding interest.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+PRO PATRIA.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+MAX PEMBERTON
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Shows Mr. Pemberton at his best.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE FASCINATION OF THE KING.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Fairly bristles with thrilling passages, exciting adventures, and
+hairbreadth escapes.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+WILD SHEBA.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Brimful of life and amusement.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+BY SNARE OF LOVE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+One of the most rousing romances of modern times.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+BENEATH HER STATION.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+A powerful and well written story of hardihood, love and adventure.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+HOPE MY WIFE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+L. G. MOBERLY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Provides much sentiment and pathos.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE MISSIONER.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Deeply engrossing as a novel, pure in style, and practically faultless
+as a literary work.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE MESSAGE OF FATE.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+LOUIS TRACY.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Written in a clear and crisp style, the story abounds with thrilling
+situations, in which love, jealousy, intrigue and mystery play an
+important part.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+THE WAYFARERS.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+J. C. SNAITH.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Pulsing with strong healthy life, and brimming over with incident.<br/><br/>
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+TOMMY CARTERET.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+</p>
+
+<p class="noindent">
+Another triumph from the pen of the author of "The Garden of Lies,"
+"Buchanan's Wife," etc.
+</p>
+
+</div><!--end chapter-->
+
+<div style='display:block; margin-top:4em'>*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS ***</div>
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+eBook #34776 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/34776)
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wayfarers, by J. C. Snaith
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Wayfarers
+
+Author: J. C. Snaith
+
+Release Date: December 28, 2010 [EBook #34776]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Al Haines
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Frontispiece: "'It is most strange, madam ... that you should not be
+certain of the name of your husband.'" (Chapter XIII.)]
+
+
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS
+
+
+BY
+
+J. C. SNAITH
+
+
+Author of "Mistress Dorothy Marvin," "Fierceheart, the Soldier," "Lady
+Barbarity," etc
+
+
+
+
+WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED
+
+LONDON, MELBOURNE AND TORONTO
+
+1902
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+CHAP.
+
+     I  THE DEVIL TO PAY
+    II  LADY CYNTHIA CAREW
+   III  INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW
+    IV  WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE
+     V  I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER.
+    VI  CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+   VII  AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE
+        LEARNING IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS
+  VIII  WE GET US TO CHURCH
+    IX  WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR
+     X  WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE
+    XI  I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY
+   XII  I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE
+  XIII  I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME
+   XIV  AMANTIUM IR�
+    XV  AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS
+   XVI  WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS
+  XVII  WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION
+ XVIII  CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+   XIX  WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER
+    XX  DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES
+   XXI  WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY
+  XXII  THE LAST
+
+
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+THE DEVIL TO PAY
+
+When I opened my eyes it was one o'clock in the day.  The cards lay on
+the table in a heap, and on the carpet in a greater one, the dead
+bottles in their midst.  The candles were burnt out; their holders were
+foul with smoke and grease.  As I sat up on the couch on which I had
+thrown myself at nine o clock in the morning in the desperation of
+fatigue, and stretched the sleep out of my limbs and rubbed it out of
+my brain the afternoon strove through the drawn blinds palely.  The
+half-light gave such a sombre and appropriate touch to the profligate
+scene that it would have moved a moralist to a disquisition of five
+pages.  But whatever my errors, that accusation was never urged against
+me, even by my friends.  You may continue in your reading, therefore,
+in no immediate peril.  The ashes were long since grey in the grate;
+there was an intolerable reek of wine-dregs and stale tobacco in the
+air; and the condition of the furniture, stained and broken and tumbled
+in all directions contributed the final disorder to the room.  Indeed
+the only article in it, allowing no exception to myself, that had
+emerged from the orgy of the night without an impediment to its dignity
+was the picture of my grandfather, that pious, learned nobleman,
+hanging above the mantelpiece.  A chip off a corner of his frame might
+be urged even against him; but what was that in comparison with the
+philosophical severity with which he gazed upon the scene?  In the
+grave eyes, the grim mouth, the great nose of his family, he retained
+the contemplative grandeur which had enabled him to give to the world
+in ten ponderous tomes a Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_.
+The space they had occupied on my book-shelf, between the _Newgate
+Calendar_ and the _History of Jonathan Wild the Great_, was now
+unfilled, since these memorials of the great mind of my ancestor had
+lain three weeks with the Jews.
+
+By the time my wits had returned I was able to recall the fact that the
+previous night, whose evidences I now regarded, was the last I should
+enjoy.  It was the extravagant ending to a raffish comedy.  Finis was
+already written in my history.  As I sat yawning on my couch I was a
+thing of the past; I had ceased to be; to-morrow at this hour I should
+be forgotten by the world.  I had had my chin off the bridle for ten
+years, and had used that period to whirl my heels without regard to the
+consequences.  I had played high, drunk deep, paid my court to Venus,
+gained the notoriety of the intrigue and the duel--in fact, I had taken
+every degree in rakishness with the highest honours.  I had spent or
+lost every penny of my patrimony, and fourteen thousand pounds besides;
+I could no longer hold my creditors at bay; various processes were out
+against me; the Jews had my body, as surely as the devil had my soul.
+But it was more particularly a stroke of ill-fortune that had hastened
+on the evil day.  The single hair whereon the sword over my head had
+been suspended must have been severed sooner or later, even had it not
+suddenly snapped at four of the clock of the previous afternoon.  At
+that hour I had killed a cornet of the Blues within a hundred yards of
+the Cocoa Tree, in the presence of my greatest enemy.  Lord knows it
+was in fair fight, marred it is true by a little heat on the side of
+both; but the only witness of the deed, and he an accidental one, was
+Humphrey Waring, my rival and my enemy.  He of all men was best able to
+turn such a misadventure on my part to account.  The moment poor
+Burdock sank sobbing to death in Waring's arms, and he cried with his
+grim laugh, "You will need to run pretty swift, my lord, to prove your
+_alibi_," I knew that fate had reserved for the last the cruellest
+trick of all she had it in her power to play.
+
+Possessed by the knowledge that I must inevitably perish in a rope, or
+less fortunately in a debtor's jail, for the instant the hand of the
+law was laid on my coat, the state of my affairs would never permit it
+to be removed.  I went home and hastily summoned a few choice spirits
+to my lodgings in Jermyn Street that evening; and I spent the last
+night of my freedom in that society, expecting at every cast of the
+cards and every clink of the bottle to hear the boots of the "traps"
+from Bow Street upon the stairs.  Yet all night long they never came,
+and here it was one o'clock in the afternoon, and I still in the
+enjoyment of my liberty.  And now, as I sat in the sanity of daylight,
+refreshed by an excellent sleep, I felt myself still to be my own man.
+Therefore I called to Fran�ois my valet to draw up the window-blinds,
+and to have the goodness to bring me a bottle of wine.
+
+This blackguard of an Irishman bore in baptism the name of Terence, but
+I called him Fran�ois, because one holds that to be as indubitably the
+name of a valet as Dick of an ostler, and Thomas of a clergyman.
+Besides, I have such an hereditary instinct for polite letters, that I
+would as lief have called him after his own honoured patronymic as by
+that of our excellent Flaccus himself.  Fran�ois waded through the
+kings and queens and aces on the carpet, let the daylight in, and then
+withdrew to fetch a clean glass and a bottle of Tokay.
+
+"The last bottle, me lord," says he.
+
+"We drain the last bottle on the last day," says I.  "Can aught be more
+fitting?  _Finis coronal opus_!"
+
+As this was the last time I should take the cup of pleasure to my lips,
+I made the utmost of it; sipped it carefully, turned it over on my
+tongue, held the glass up to the light, meditated on my past a little,
+on my present case, and what lay before me.  I suppose it was a
+particular generous quality of the wine that kindled a new warmth in my
+spirit.  Why, I asked myself, should I sit here, tamely waiting on my
+fate?  Why should I be content to have my person contaminated with the
+dirty hands that would hale it to an ignominious death, or a thing less
+bearable?  Why should I not cheat the Jews and my evil fortune in this
+last hour?  Nothing could be easier than to leave the law in the lurch.
+
+This course was so consonant to the desperation of my temper and
+affairs, that I had no sooner entered on the second glass of this last
+bottle, than I was fully convinced of its propriety.  It was surely
+more fitting that a gentleman should select the hour and the manner of
+his exit from the world, than submit like a common ruffian to the
+dictation of the law in these important matters.  To die by the hand of
+oneself is not the highest sort of death, it is true; but I am one who
+would advance, although the ancient and best writers are against me in
+this matter, that there are occasions when a man may best serve his
+dignity by renouncing that which has ceased to be a cherished object to
+him.  In this, at least, I have Cato the younger with me.
+
+Indeed I had already taken this resolve rather than submit my pride to
+those inconveniences that so depress the spirit, when a third glass of
+wine put me in mind of a thing the most importunate of any.  There was
+a certain lady.  Nothing can be more ludicrous than to consider of a
+ruined gamester broken by Fortune on her wheel, pausing in his last
+extremity for such a reason.  But there it was.  I could have wished to
+see the tears of defiance once again on her cheeks.  In spite of the
+world, in spite of her family, of my evil history, of my cunning,
+plausible enemy, she had given me her proud little heart.  She was the
+one person I might have turned to in this black hour, who would not
+have requited me with a sneer or a cold glance.  Her stern old father
+had no sooner discovered how her affections stood committed towards me,
+and had learned the colour of my reputation, than he had whisked her
+away from town to his seat in the remote west country, and had vowed
+upon his soul to have me ducked in a ditch if I so much as showed my
+nose in those parts.
+
+These thoughts of dear, insolent little Cynthia had induced reflections
+that I could well have done without.  It was plain that this last cast
+of the cards had left the game in the hands of Mr. Humphrey Waring.  He
+had long had the ear of the old duke, Cynthia's father, and no man knew
+better how to push the advantages my misfortunes had given him over me.
+He would marry the greatest heiress in the west country, hate him as
+she might, whilst Jack Tiverton, the worthless rogue on whom she doted,
+or, if it please you better, the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John
+Plowden-Pleydell, fifth Earl of Tiverton, that ill-fated nobleman,
+rotted in durance, or writhed in a rope at Tyburn, or spilt his brains
+on the carpet of his lodgings.  But for all that I had a mind to
+attempt a little more mischief before I perished.  Why not go to poor
+little town-bred Cynthia, immured in the country like a bird in a cage,
+and throw her obstinate old father and her cunning suitor into such a
+fright as they would not be likely to forget?  Indeed, why not?
+
+However, when I came to reflect on this scheme more carefully, I found
+that I had hardly zest enough for it.  My ruin was too complete.
+Besides, it might cost Cynthia dear.  I should have been well pleased
+to look on my pretty young miss once again and watch the tears course
+down her cheeks in the stress of our farewell, for I would have you
+know that I am a man of sentiment when in the humour.  But it would be
+a hollow business and little of a kindness to the child to have her
+weep for such a broken profligate.  I should purchase the discomfort of
+my enemies at too high a price.
+
+Yet I must come to a decision speedily.  Every instant I expected to
+hear the law upon the stairs.  Should I spare it any further trouble
+there and then, or make an attempt to break out of town and lead it a
+dance across the country?  The drawback in the first course was its
+somewhat arbitrary nature.  It was so final and so certain that chance
+would have no opportunity.  The drawback to the second was that I had
+not a guinea in the world.  That morning I had staked my last and lost
+it.  However, as I weighed the pros and cons with a whimsical
+deliberation I was taken with a fortunate expedient.  Chance had been
+the ruling passion of my life.  It had brought me to this pass.  Why
+should I not employ it to solve this problem?  I summoned M. Fran�ois.
+
+"Take two pistols," I said, "into the next chamber, but load one only.
+Cock them both, however, but use particular care that nothing shall
+suggest which is charged and which is not.  Then bring them here and
+lay them side by side upon this table, still remembering not to betray
+the fatal one."
+
+M. Fran�ois bowed, and solemnly carried away the weapons from the
+sideboard.  I awaited his return with an emotion akin to pleasure.  I
+had tasted most of the delights that chance could afford me; but even
+I, who had staked houses, lands, servants, furniture, and every guinea
+of my fortune, had not yet gambled with my life.  Thus, when I came to
+play the greatest stake that is in the power of any man to play, it was
+but fitting that I should enjoy some little exhilaration in that act.
+
+M. Fran�ois returned in rather more than two minutes with the pistols,
+and set them on the table on the top of the cards.  They were both
+cocked, and it was impossible to distinguish one from the other.  M.
+Francis coughed in his well-bred manner, and then sighed deeply.
+
+"I beg your pardon, my lord," he said, at the verge of tears, "and I am
+sure your lordship will overlook the liberty on an occasion--on an
+occasion that is not likely to occur again.  But may I say, my lord,
+with what deep regret I take farewell of your lordship?  I am sure
+there could not have been a better, kinder master."
+
+"Fran�ois, I subscribe heartily to that," says I, "and I am sure there
+could not have been a bigger blackguard of a servant.  And may I say,
+Fran�ois, that I never took a deeper pleasure in anything than in
+parting with you; and I may even add that if a minute hence I am called
+elsewhere, I go with the less irresolution, because I am firm in the
+opinion that wherever it may be, I cannot be worse served than I have
+been at your hands."
+
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says Fran�ois humbly.
+
+"No thanks, I beg," says I.  "But, Fran�ois, if chance, who hath served
+me nearly as ill as you have and for a rather longer period, sees fit
+to arrange that I shall perish by my own hand, I do not doubt that you
+will desire some small memento, some small souvenir of so fortunate an
+occasion."
+
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says Fran�ois, more humbly than
+before.
+
+"You overwhelm me, Fran�ois," says I.  "If there is any little
+knick-knack your fancy turns to, you have only to mention it.  The Jews
+will but claim it otherwise, and I would almost as lief it fell into
+your hands as into theirs."
+
+"As your lordship so emboldens me," says M. Fran�ois, "I should most
+greatly cherish the picture of your grandfather, that wise good
+nobleman, that hangs above the mantelpiece, for I am sure I could
+devise no more fitting memorial of his grandson."
+
+"Fran�ois," says I, "would I did not know you for a rogue, for the
+chastity of your taste does you so much honour it honours me.  But
+would you bereave me of the last badge of my respectability?  Friends,
+fortune, estate, the consideration of the world, all are gone, and you
+would now deny me the solace of my heritage.  Yet I commend your wisdom
+even here, since if you rob others as you have robbed myself, you will
+presently be able to purchase half the kingdom of Ireland, and set up
+among the landed gentry.  You will then, I doubt not, find an ancestor
+or two come not amiss.  And if of my grandfather's pattern so much the
+better, for their virtue will purchase you more credit than any of your
+own.  But I would recommend myself that you took a few ancestors over
+with the property.  They would cost less in a lump.  Besides, they tell
+me they are cheaper in Ireland than anywhere else, except France, where
+they are even more common than matrimony."
+
+M.  Fran�ois was gathering himself to make a proper reply to this
+harangue, when suddenly we both heard the long-expected footfalls on
+the stairs.
+
+"Secure that door," said I.  "I will not be taken until chance hath
+arbitrated on my destination."
+
+Saying this, without the hesitation of an instant I picked up one of
+the pistols lying side by side among the cards.  Fran�ois slipped to
+the door and turned the key.  Then he went to the mantelpiece, took
+down the picture, and placed it under his arm.
+
+"Farewell, my lord," he said, "I leave you with inexpressible regret."
+
+He ran to the window, cast it open, and with the most astonishing skill
+and agility, squeezed himself through the opening, my grandfather and
+all; and the roof being well within his reach, he first laid the
+picture on the tiles, then drew himself up after it, and showed the
+cleanest pair of heels to the law as ever I saw.  And I was so taken
+with the ready wit and contrivance of the rogue, that although I had
+the cocked pistol pressed to my temple, I could not pull the trigger
+for the life of me.  For I stood all a-shake with very laughter, so
+that the cold muzzle of the weapon tapped now against my forehead, now
+against my nose, now against my cheekbone, till I vow it was a miracle
+the hammer did not descend.  But in the middle of all this the door was
+tried and shaken, followed by a fierce tap on the panel, and then came
+the clear tones of a woman.
+
+"Open--open the door.  Jack, it is I!"
+
+At the sound of that voice the pistol fell from my hands altogether.
+Striking the carpet with a thud, it exploded under my feet and knocked
+a great hole in the wainscot.  For an instant the room was full of
+smoke, gunpowder, and a mighty noise; but the moment I recovered my
+courage I unfastened the door and confronted the cause of it--Cynthia
+Carew!  She too was the victim of a not unnatural bewilderment, and as
+pale as linen.
+
+"Ods sputterkins!" she cried.  "What a taking you have put me in!  I am
+all of a twitter.  Whose brains have you spilt?  Not your own, I'll
+warrant me, for you never had any.  Give me a kiss now, and get me some
+ratafia to compose me, and we'll let it pass."
+
+"Cynthia," I gasped, but giving her the first of these requisites, "how
+came you here, in heaven's name?
+
+"Ratafia!" she cried, "ratafia, or I perish."
+
+"There's never a drop in the place," says I.  "No, nor cherry-brandy,
+nor aromatic vinegar neither."
+
+"Another kiss then," says Cynthia, pressing her white cheek against me,
+and casting her arms about my neck.
+
+I led her within and set her down on the couch.  She bore all the
+evidences of having made a long journey.  So far from being dressed in
+the modishness that was wont to charm St. James's Park, she was covered
+by a long, dun-coloured cloak, wore a country hat, if I'm a judge of
+'em, in which the feathers were crumpled; her shoes were muddy, and she
+carried a strange look of fear and uneasiness that I had never seen
+about her before.  I procured a clean glass and filled it with wine
+from the last bottle and made her drain it, for she looked so pale and
+overborne.
+
+"Now," says I, "how came you here? and what brings you?"
+
+"Oh, Jack," says she, "I am run away."  She suddenly broke forth into a
+flood of tears.
+
+"The devil you are!" says I.
+
+"Yes," says she, sobbing as though her heart would break, "and I'm not
+sorry neither."
+
+"You wouldn't confess it an you were," says I.
+
+"No, I wouldn't," she sobbed.
+
+I must admit that the sight of the sweet chit was the one thing in all
+the world that had the power to please me at that hour, yet there was
+not a thing that could have happened to leave me in so sore a case.
+Here had my prettiness come and thrown herself on my protection--on the
+protection of a man utterly ruined, whom the law was already dogging
+for his liberty, if not his life.  In sooth I must send her back again.
+It was no sort of a reception, especially when one fell to consider the
+heroical fashion of her coming to me.  But what else was one to do?  I
+was at my last gasp, without so much as a guinea, or a roof for my
+head, since to stay in that house was to court arrest, nor had I a
+friend in the world to whom I would dare to recommend her.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I dote upon the sight of you; I am filled with joy
+to see you sitting there, but--but----"
+
+How could I tell the child!
+
+"But--but?"  She sobbed no more.  Mopping her tears, she crumpled the
+sopping handkerchief in her little fist, sat perfectly upright in her
+seat, and stared so straight at me that I felt the blood hum in my ears.
+
+"But--but!" says I again--devil take me if I could tell her.
+
+"But--but?" says she on her part; and it was wonderful to see her blue
+eyes come open and her proud lips spring together like the snap of a
+watch-case.
+
+"Well, Cynthia, dear, it is simply this," says I, going headlong into
+it.  "You find me a ruined gamester, without a friend or a guinea in
+the world, who even at this moment is being hunted for his debts, and,
+if I dared say it to you, something worse.  Now there is but one way
+out of it.  You cannot stay here; there is not a friend to whom I may
+confide you; child, you must go back to your father."
+
+Instead of growing red, the colour that shone I am sure in my face, she
+grew as pale as snow, and her eyes sparkled with a grim beauty that
+discomposed me more than it charmed me.  She rose from the couch,
+lifted her chin out of her white throat, and kicked the kings and
+queens and knaves on the carpet in all directions.
+
+"Never," she cried.  "I will not go back to my father.  I said I would
+not marry this Mr. Waring; whereon my lord said he would lock me in my
+room until I was of another mind.  And he did lock me in it; and I
+broke out of it; and I will not go back, no, not if I must subsist on
+crusts picked from the kennel, and the clothes rot off my body, and I
+sleep o' nights in a dry ditch or the porch of a church."
+
+"Faith!" says I, "that's well spoke, monstrous well spoke."
+
+"I hate this Mr. Waring," says the little fury.  "May I be crost in
+love, if I do not."
+
+"And if I do not too," says I, "may my heart smoke in purgatory.  But
+come tell me, is it for himself you hate him, or is it for love of me?"
+
+"A plague take all catechisms," says she.  "But I will tell you for
+another kiss."
+
+I think two persons in love could never have been in a worse plight
+than Cynthia and I.  There seemed no course open to us, other than to
+flee together, we knew not whither.  Before even this could be
+considered, however, we had to find the means.
+
+"What money have you left in your poke?" I asked her.
+
+"Twelvepence exactly and a halfpenny over."
+
+I whistled long and shrill.  "Which is twelve-pence exactly and a
+halfpenny more than there is in mine.  At nine o'clock this morning I
+staked my all, including three periwigs, nine pairs of silk breeches,
+stockings, five cambric brocaded waistcoats, silver-buckled shoes,
+sword, duelling pistols, house and furniture, the Odes of Horace, and
+my man-cook--staked 'em on the queen of hearts and lost 'em.  Think on
+it, my pretty--lost 'em on the queen of hearts."
+
+"I care not for that," says Cynthia.  "I will not go back, and so you
+must make the best of me."
+
+"But, child, what can I do when I'm taken?"
+
+"You must not be taken."
+
+"In that case," says I, "the only chance we have is to get away from
+here at once, furnished with the clothes we stand in, and the sum of
+twelve-pence halfpenny."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+LADY CYNTHIA CAREW
+
+Having come to this odd resolve, it behoved us to lose no time.  But
+whither we should go, neither of us knew.  North, south, east, or west,
+one latitude was as good as another.  We should be equally served in
+each.  As for the means at our disposal, we had the sum of twelve-pence
+halfpenny sterling.  I am sure that much the same thoughts were
+uppermost in the minds of us both, for the moment I looked at little
+Cynthia sitting on the couch with a tight mouth and ratter quizzical
+eyes, I broke forth into a shout of laughter, which she returned so
+promptly that it became a question as to whom the honour of the first
+peal belonged.
+
+In the midst of this pleasantry I walked to the door of the room and
+locked it again.  I had no mind to be taken unawares by the enemy; and
+provided I was not, Fran�ois' example had shown that a way of escape
+was always open.
+
+"Now, my dear," says I, "we have no time to lose; let us be putting our
+few affairs in order.  Look round this despoiled chamber, and tell me
+if you observe any article in it that could be turned into money at a
+pawnshop, or is likely otherwise to serve us on our journey.  I am
+sorry to say that every object of _vertu_ that I ever possessed upon
+which we might at a pinch have raised a seven-shilling piece has
+already been called upon to perform that office.  There is one
+exception even to these, it is true, but that cannot help us now, and I
+rejoice to think so.  For five minutes before your arrival I gave away
+to a connoisseur, a dilettante, a lover of the beautiful, Sir Godfrey
+Kneller's picture of my famous grandfather.  I think I could never have
+held up my head again had I given up that eminent nobleman to the
+ignoble usages I have suggested.  I foresaw this calamity; let me take
+the credit therefore of its aversion."
+
+"You gave it away without receiving a farthing for it!" cries Cynthia
+aghast.  "Oh, what a folly, Jack!  Had we it now we could make thirty
+shillings of it at any dealer's."
+
+"I know, I know!" says I triumphantly, "I grant that; therefore do you
+not more clearly see how finely I have acted by my grandfather?"
+
+"Burn me if I do," says Cynthia.  "Jack, what a fool thou art!  For I
+see never a thing of value left in the place; or stay, we might put
+that pair of old iron pistols in a case and raise a loaf of bread on
+them.  I suppose that on the floor is the one with which you tried to
+take your life, and as the one other's cocked, I suppose that's loaded
+too."
+
+"Tried to take my life," says I.  "Cynthia, what words are these?"
+
+"A truce to dissimulation, if you please," says Cynthia tartly, "for
+feather-headed fellow that you are, yet do no better at it than any of
+the other arts and sciences at which you have tried and failed."
+
+I turned to the table and began sorting a handful of cards to cover my
+confusion.  A clever woman is the devil!  Cynthia, to add a sting to
+her speech, picked up the discharged pistol from the carpet,
+ostentatiously searched for its case, and put it in.  She then took up
+the other.
+
+"Is this loaded, or is it not?" she asked.
+
+"No, it's not loaded," says I.  "Pull down the trigger and put it in
+too."
+
+"Then, if it's not loaded, why was it cocked?"  The question was
+decidedly disconcerting.  I was by no means willing to go into the
+details of that matter, and therefore hesitated to find a reason.
+
+"You don't know whether it's loaded or not," says Cynthia, sternly.
+
+"Most certainly I do.  Have I not said that it is not loaded?"
+
+"And have I not said," says the impudent Cynthia, "that you don't know
+whether it's loaded or not?"
+
+"But, my dear child," says I, "have I not positively said that the
+thing's not loaded?"
+
+"Oh yes, I admit that," says the provoking creature.  "But you must
+admit too, sir, that I have more faith in my own judgment than I have
+in yours.  I say again that you don't know whether that pistol is
+loaded or whether it is not."
+
+"I'll lay you two to one in hundreds that I do," says I hotly.
+
+"Would not a case of iron pistols against the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny be more appropriate in the circumstances?" says Cynthia.
+
+"I believe you are right there," says I.
+
+Cynthia then presented the pistol at the wall and a strange thing
+happened.  The room was filled with a reverberating crash, and when the
+smoke that arose had lifted a little it was discovered that a large
+mirror had been shivered into a thousand pieces.
+
+"There," says Cynthia triumphantly.
+
+As for me, I stood aghast for a moment, perfectly at a loss to explain
+the pistol's strange behaviour.  Then I suddenly broke out into a fit
+of uncontrollable laughter; the admirable Fran�ois had loaded them both.
+
+It was then the turn of Cynthia to stand aghast.
+
+"I hope your misfortunes have not deprived you of your reason," says
+she, more tartly than ever; and added, "I knew all along that you
+didn't know whether it was loaded or not."
+
+"Come, come!" says I, keenly anxious, you may be sure, to change the
+topic.  "We have already tarried here over-long.  I will tell you the
+whole story in a more convenient place and season.  If we don't go at
+once, I am afraid we shall not go at all."
+
+"True," says Cynthia, seating herself again on the couch with the most
+deliberate and provoking coolness.
+
+"What new whimsey is this?" says I, utterly nonplussed.
+
+"I think, my Lord Tiverton," says Cynthia, with remarkable gravity,
+"that you have overlooked an important particular."
+
+"Which?  What?" says I.
+
+"Nay, my lord," says she, "I am the last person in the world to remind
+you."
+
+That might be true enough so far as it went, but the pretty roguish
+chit composed her features and her person into such an affectation of
+solemnity, and there was such a saucy twinkle in her eyes too, that all
+the words in the English tongue could not have spoken more plainly than
+she did without uttering any.  It is, I suppose, one of the highest
+gifts of her sex, though to be sure, would it were exercised more!
+
+"Dammy," says I, "you mean--er--er; you mean that I must ask you to
+marry me."
+
+Instead of replying at once, she bent down and picked up half-a-dozen
+cards from the floor, arranged them in the shape of a fan, and held
+them in front of her eyes.
+
+"La," says she, "your lordship is too kind.  Pray ascribe my blushes to
+my country breeding."
+
+"Pah!" says I, "we have not the time for play-acting now.  The moment
+is very ill-chosen."
+
+"Oh, I grant you that," says she, "but as you will allow that it was
+none of my choosing, why should I forego the peculiar privileges that
+my sex have ever derived from this position?  No, as I'm a woman, I
+will have this thing carried through in the most proper and approved
+manner.  Ods lud, sir! what notions have you got!  I will be coy if I
+choose, or haughty, or easy, or gracious, or mocking, or disdainful,
+just as my mood is and as I've a mind to be.  Now then, my lord, down
+on to your noble knees, and pour forth your foolish speeches that are
+meant to be so grand, which you must forget in the middle, whereon you
+will descend out of a rather turgid poetry into a bald and somewhat
+blasphemous prose.  For I will have your lordship to know that I will
+be wooed as a woman, else I will not be wooed at all.  Down, down on to
+your knees, my lord, and up, up with your apostrophes."
+
+"What a consummate folly is this," says I, "when at any moment we may
+be ta'en."
+
+But the pretty little fool sat as demure as a mouse, not relaxing a lip
+or twitching an eyebrow, i' faith as adorable a picture of a person as
+any I've seen off a painted canvas.  There was that tantalizing air
+about her which at once invited, yet forbade; that aroused that which
+it denied.  I vow nothing could have been more taking than the sight of
+little Cynthia sitting there as straight as any arrow that ever Cupid
+shot, her knees and heels together, and her hands spread out with the
+palms turned down, and her dainty toes peeping from underneath her
+petticoat.  Indeed, so was I worked on by her graces and airs that I
+was like to forget the grim pass in which we were involved.  Nay, I
+gradually began to solicit her in a formal manner; a piece of behaviour
+that contributed as much to her whimsical pleasure as it did to my
+embarrassment.  And when in accents of undying regard, I came to ask
+for her hand in exchange for my heart and fortune, she was so charmed
+with the natural fervour with which I did it, that she stopped me
+imperiously, in the middle of much passion, and says: "I would have
+your lordship go over again that splendid passage that you have just
+uttered, that hath the fine swearing and the great humility in it.  I
+never heard anything choicer; Mr. Betterton never surpassed it."
+
+And when I had humoured her as much as she wished and that was not
+until I was thirsty and hot, and she was somewhat weary of keeping the
+strict attitude that she thought best suited to receive my addresses
+in, says she: "I declare, sir, you have pleased me vastly.  You are as
+good a suitor as any of them all.  Mr. Waring never wooed me half so
+well.  As for Mr. Stokes, and Colonel Regan, and Sir John Dufty, and my
+lord Viscount Brighouse, you compare very well with them too.  You have
+not the fine brawny pease-and-bacon appearance of Sir John, it is true,
+nor is your voice so rich and noble as the Colonel's, begorra, nor is
+your nose so well curved as Mr. Stoke's, nor have you a pretty little
+lisp like my lord Viscount, but in the sum-total of your attributes you
+do very fairly well.  And therefore as your lordship's fortune is so
+considerable, and you have already gained the approbation of my father,
+I think the only course open to me--Oh, Jack, listen!  What in the name
+of heaven is that?"
+
+"You may well ask," says I.  "One, two, three, four, five probably or
+more, according to their boots on the stairs, gentlemen from Bow Street
+come to wait upon us."
+
+"Oh, what shall we do!" says poor Cynthia, clapping her hands.
+
+"Keep very calm, child, and carefully heed what I say.  They will not
+molest you; I am their game.  But I doubt gravely whether I shall fall
+to them at present.  My way lies through that window and along the
+tiles, and whilst they follow, you will simply go downstairs and walk
+out at the front door.  Go as swiftly as you can down to Piccadilly to
+the gates of Hyde Park.  And if I am not already come there before you,
+wait till I arrive.  It is to be considered, of course, that I may have
+more difficulty than I apprehend in slipping these fellows."
+
+Here the door was roughly taken and the next instant so heavy a blow
+was delivered against it as partly drove in one of the panels.  I had
+just time to run into the adjoining chamber for a hat and a
+riding-cloak, to plant a kiss between brave little Cynthia's brows, and
+abjure her not to be afraid, when the door was driven in, and three or
+four ugly wretches came tumbling one upon another pell-mell into the
+room.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW
+
+I had hardly time to open the window ere they were recovered of their
+entry and on their feet.  Seeing what I was about to attempt they made
+a rush, but I did not bear youth and vigour in my limbs for nothing.
+With a quickness that I'll warrant would have done no discredit to a
+cat, I had poised myself on the precarious sill, and had twisted myself
+into a favourable position for reaching the roof.  It was easily in
+reach, as this chamber very happily was at the top of the house.  I had
+barely taken a firm hold on the iron gutter that ran along the edge of
+the tiles, before I had drawn up one knee, and was in the act of
+dragging up the other as fast as I could, when it was seized by a hand
+from the room below.  Luckily for me, I had a firm enough hold of the
+roof to get some little purchase for my imprisoned leg, whereby I was
+enabled to deal my adversary a pretty smart kick in the teeth, which
+sent him cursing back into the room.  Thereupon I scrambled
+willy-nilly, hands and knees, on to the tiles.  Not one moment too
+soon, however.  My pursuers evidently numbered fleet and active fellows
+among them.  Their blood was up too.  For scarcely had I gone ten yards
+along the edge of the tiles, moving on all-fours for safety, ere
+another fellow was also in possession of the roof.  This was not at all
+to my liking, and a good deal outside my calculations, since I had not
+expected that these clumsy Bow Street runners would attempt to follow
+me in this fashion.
+
+My pursuer gave a view-halloa and followed me so fast that I realized
+at once that at this game Jack was like to be as good as his master.
+Perchance the fellow was better schooled in this mode of procedure than
+I, for he was clattering behind me, preparing to grab my heels before I
+could take my bearings.  I did not know where I was, and had not the
+least idea as to how I should get away.  But one thing was plain.  I
+had embarked on so bold a course that the moment there was a limit to
+my daring all would be lost.  Therefore, hearing the Bow Street
+gentleman wheezing and grunting a yard or two behind me, I stopped and
+rose to my feet, and turned round so suddenly as considerably to
+endanger my own safety and to take him entirely unawares.  And I sent
+my fist such a crack in his eye, that only a miracle saved him from
+toppling over the parapet into the middle of Jermyn Street, twenty feet
+beneath.
+
+While Mr. Catchpole sprawled and wallowed with his arms and legs
+outstretched striving to save himself from falling over the brink, and
+howling to his mates, whose heads were just showing above the gutter,
+to come to his assistance, I took the occasion to alter my tactics.
+Instead of crawling along the edge, I began climbing up in a vertical
+direction.  And my pursuer being but a runner from Bow Street after
+all, had been considerably cooled in his zeal, and accordingly allowed
+me rather more of elbow room, whilst his companions, of whom two more
+had now come upon the top, observing the nature of his accident, were
+in no such hurry as he had been to come by one themselves.
+
+I mounted painfully enough as high as the chimney pots, not without
+some damage to the skin of my hands and knees, and a good deal of
+slipping and sliding.  A game of hide-and-seek followed.  Reaching the
+opposite slope of the roofs, which concealed me and put me farthest
+away from the enemy, I crept as swiftly as I could from chimney-stack
+to chimney-stack with ever a keen eye for a means of getting down again
+into the street.  Some yards ahead I saw that the straight line of the
+tiles was broken by a dormer window.  I made to this for here was the
+very chance that I desired.  Alas! when I reached it I found it secured
+from within.  I had no time in which to break a pane of glass in the
+hope that I might put my hand through and discover the fastenings.  A
+couple of the traps had already found out in which direction I had
+gone, and were even now standing on the apex, and beckoning to the
+others.  I moved away to another dormer window a few yards further on.
+It too was fast, but looking ahead I saw, greatly to my relief, that a
+third was standing open.  My satisfaction had a short life, however.
+For scarcely had I made two yards towards it ere I observed a thing
+that in my haste I had overlooked.  The line of the houses ended
+abruptly; the open window belonged to another row.  Between ran an
+alley or a narrow street, wide enough to make me pause in my career.
+Hard pressed as I was, I must confess that I had no fancy to attempt a
+leap so precarious.  I turned to go back, but the enemy had followed so
+smartly on my heels that I saw in a glance that there was no chance of
+retreating by the way I had come.  My only hope lay in a forward
+direction; I could not possibly retire.  Nor must I hesitate an instant
+either.  The closer I came to this gulf in the houses the more
+desperate it looked, but my resolve was already taken.  A drowning man
+clutches at a straw.
+
+Impeded as I was with a cumbersome riding-coat, I could not hope to
+make the leap successfully.  Hastily pulling it off, therefore, I
+folded it up in some rude fashion, for I could not afford to lose it,
+and pitched it over a space between the houses.  It landed in safety
+well over the immediate brink.  The traps, apprehending the nature of
+the feat I was about to attempt, were coming along the roof with
+wonderful expedition.  Indeed, they are almost within an arm's-length
+of me when I started on the run to make the leap.  With teeth set, and
+it must be confessed some little sickness of anticipation in my spirit,
+I ran as hard as I could, and hurled myself into the air with a
+despairing energy.  That I covered the gulf and landed with my knees on
+the coat I had cast across, I have always ascribed to that benevolent
+Providence that hath such a jealous regard for the worthless.  And in
+sooth when I had actually arrived there it was one of the greatest
+wonders in the world that I did not fall back again in the recoil, or
+did not begin to roll sideways and so tumble over the lower edge.  But
+somehow I recovered my balance before either of these calamities
+happened.  Then I felt that I might breathe again.
+
+There was precious little to fear that the men from Bow Street would be
+bold enough to follow me.  For when I came to contemplate, now as you
+may believe with no little satisfaction, the magnitude of the hazard
+intervening between us, it cost me a shudder in despite of my
+complacency.  And as in their case it was not a life and death matter
+on which line of the roofs they happened to stand, and they had no
+thoughts of adorable little Cynthia to spur them on to these great
+risks, I think they may be pardoned for giving back before that which I
+with so many sweats and misgivings had accomplished.  Nor do I lay any
+unction to myself, since I am sure that had I stood in their shoes, or
+had I played for a lesser stake, I would have had none of such risks
+either.  Nay, I am not altogether clear in my mind that had I not been
+heated by the fine excitements of the hue and cry I should have been
+wrought up to do it as it was.  There can be little doubt, I think,
+that the chase makes a much nobler and more adventurous creature of the
+fox than ever consists with his vulgar and common character.
+
+Seeing my pursuers had halted on the opposite brink, and were
+presenting such a helpless and bewildered appearance as plainly showed
+they had no stomach for a similar deed, I was able to resume my riding
+coat at my ease, and even to engage in a few words of conversation as I
+did so.  Says I:
+
+"Certainly, gentlemen, I think you are well advised in not seeking to
+come over.  'Pon my soul I would not have come over myself had you not
+pressed me so hard!  Here is a guinea to drink my health, and now I
+will wish you good afternoon!"
+
+Such is the power of habit that I fumbled in several pockets in search
+of a gold piece to toss them, ere I recollected the bankrupt condition
+in which I stood.  Perforce I had to be content with a bow and a
+lifting of the hat, whereupon I went my way along the roof while they
+were left at the end of their wits to discover a means by which they
+might circumvent me.
+
+I had not an instant of time to lose, however, if I was to make good my
+escape.  There were doubtless persons in the street below who had had a
+keen eye for these proceedings.  No sooner would they see in which
+direction the cat was to jump than they would act accordingly.
+Therefore it behoved me to be as bold and as quick as ever.  The open
+dormer window offered the readiest mode of egress.  I made to it at
+once, and peering within saw that the chamber, a bedroom, was very
+happily empty.  I had no difficulty in squeezing my body through the
+narrow opening and so came into the room.  Having done this, I securely
+fastened the window to present a further obstacle to my enemies.  The
+great thing that lay before me now was to make my way downstairs as
+cautiously as I could, and to slip out of the house without attracting
+the attention of its occupants, or of those of my foes who might be
+lurking about in the street.  But much address was required to perform
+all this successfully, as you will readily understand.
+
+First I opened the door of the bed-chamber with noiseless care, and
+then groped my way through the gloom and strangeness of the place to
+the stairs.  And mighty rickety and full of noises they were when I
+found them.  They began so sheer and abruptly, and so close to the
+bed-room door, that in spite of my caution, I was on them long ere I
+thought I was, and as a consequence nearly pitched headlong down their
+whole length.  Mercifully I recovered my balance in the nick of time,
+but not before, as it seemed to my nervous ears, I had set up an
+intolerable clatter that appeared to echo and re-echo through every
+room of the house.  Step by step, I crept down the stairs, and paused
+to listen on every one.  It was so dark that I had to be very tenacious
+of the walls.  But fortune was still on my side.  There seemed not a
+soul in all the house, nor could I hear a sound.  Yet every step I
+descended the place grew darker and darker; there was not so much as a
+glimmer of light from a door or a window to be discerned; while the
+walls were so close about me that when I stretched out my hands I could
+feel them on either side.  Presently I ceased to descend, whereon much
+shuffling of my feet ensued, and I concluded that this was some kind of
+a landing.  More shuffling and gingerly manoeuvring followed, and then
+the stairs began again, and the place grew darker than ever.  The
+darkness became so great that I could not see my hand before my face;
+and as I had not the means about me to procure a light, nor would have
+dared to employ them had they been in my possession, I began to marvel
+where in the world I was coming to.
+
+At last the stairs ended altogether, and on pushing carefully forward,
+my nose suddenly came against an unexpected obstacle.  Running my hands
+over it, I judged it to be a door.  I put my ear to the wood, but
+listen as I might I could hear no sound.  Whither it led or what lay
+behind it I had not the vaguest notion, nor was there a speck of light
+by which I might make a guess.  But when the handle of the door came
+into my fist, I decided not to flinch the situation whatever it might
+present.  A bold course had been my salvation hitherto; come what might
+I would continue in it.  Therefore, I cautiously turned the handle, and
+opened the door an inch at a time, I daresay I had got it about five
+inches apart when it was rudely grasped from the other side, and flung
+wide open in my face.  A Jew stood before me, as true a child of Israel
+as ever I set eyes on.  He cast up his hands and gurgled in his anger
+and surprise.
+
+"Why, what the deffil!" says he at last.
+
+"How do you do, sir," says I, cordially holding out my hand.  "Proud to
+meet you, sir, infernally proud to meet you."
+
+Although I had hoped that my air and tone were the very pattern of
+affability, I doubt if this Hebrew thought them so; or even if he did,
+he hardly seemed to think they became me in the circumstances as
+handsomely as I had hoped they would.  For he gurgled and cackled, his
+tawny countenance grew redder and redder, his hands trembled, and he
+contorted his body into a truly fantastic shape.  Meantime I gazed past
+him to see whence he had emerged, in the hope that I might get some
+clue as to what would be the best line of conduct to adopt.  To my
+infinite pleasure I saw that I had come upon the threshold of a
+pawnbroker's shop, since a truly miscellaneous collection of articles
+lay scattered about it, whilst the character and nation of my
+inquisitor alone warranted the theory.  Yet in an instant was my
+satisfaction turned to anger, for there, staring into my very eyes with
+all the meditative grandeur he had of yore, was that learned nobleman,
+my grandfather.  It was well for M. Fran�ois that he was not at that
+moment within my reach.
+
+"What do you do here?" says the Jew, having discovered his tongue at
+last.  "Do you think I do not know?  You haf come to rob my house.
+Benjamin, bring your blunderbush.  In broad daylight, too.  O heaven,
+what effrontery!"
+
+"My dear Mr. Moses," says I winningly, "what words are these?
+Effrontery--rob your house; to conceive that I, the best friend your
+tribe ever had or for that matter ever will have, should be thus
+accosted by you!  I am here as a client, sir; and to conceive that you
+of all men should deny a client when he takes these monstrous pains to
+come to you in privacy!"
+
+Mr. Moses was a good deal reassured by my address.  But after all his
+race are a good deal too tenacious to be put off so lightly.  He
+demanded to know in what manner I had come there and he did it so
+boisterously too, and in a fashion so calculated to attract the
+attention of persons in the street that I judged it wisest to make a
+clean breast of how matters stood with me.
+
+"Well, Mr. Moses," says I, "if you must know I am that great benefactor
+of your tribe, Lord Tiverton.  My lodgings are about six doors up the
+street, and they have been visited this afternoon by the dirtiest set
+of minions from Bow Street as ever I saw.  And so hard was I put to it
+to clear them that I took to the housetops, whereupon, seeing your
+dormer window open, I gave them the slip by climbing into it, and here
+I am.  And mark you, my dear Mr. Moses, I would not so honour the
+dormer windows of all and sundry, no, rabbit me an I would.  For I am
+mighty particular as to whose hands I would accept an obligation from.
+But if a friend cannot take a benefaction from a friend, then who in
+all the world is one to take it from?  As Flaccus himself has said."
+
+Mr. Moses, you may be sure, was mollified indeed.
+
+"I am sure I beg your lordship's pardon," says he.  "A thousand times
+most humbly I am sure I do.  Benjamin, put by your blunderbush; and
+withdraw the curtains across the window, sirrah, for I have seen the
+traps walking up and down the street, and peering here and there and
+everywhere this last ten minutes; yes, that I have.  Is there any
+particular in which I can serve your lordship?"
+
+"Yes, by thunder, that you can!" says I.  "I must get away from here
+unknown as quickly as you might count ten.  The traps are still about
+in the street you say?"
+
+"See, my lord, there is one going past the window now."
+
+As he spoke I took the precaution of drawing farther back into the
+shadow of the stairs, for it was even as he said.  The next instant Mr.
+Moses pushed the door to in my face, and as he did so, wheeled round to
+confront (as I guessed) two or three of the traps who were coming into
+the shop.
+
+"A sheeny, by the Lord!" I heard one say, in a voice so coarse that it
+set my teeth on edge.
+
+"What is your pleasure, good gentlemans?" says Mr. Moses in a tone of
+incredible politeness.  "If I, a poor old clo'es-dealer as I am, can be
+of service to you, I cannot tell you how happy you will make me."
+
+"Well, ole Father Abraham," says the foremost man, "we're on the 'eels
+of a hearl, d'ye see.  We've been a-chasing of him on the 'ouse-tops,
+we have so, and he's just a-been a-squeedgin' of himself through your
+dormer window, and he's left us in the lurch, d'ye see.  He's in your
+bed-room, you can wager, and we're a-going up to rout him out."
+
+"Is he so?" says Mr. Moses.  "God-a-mercy! is it possible?  Benjamin,
+get your blunderbush, and go and bring him down."
+
+I was so charmed with the comedy that was being played, that at some
+little risk I had opened just a small crevice in the door, in order
+that I might peer through upon the actors.  Benjamin, a youth about as
+tall as the counter, but wonderfully keen and sharp of feature, put
+himself in possession of an antiquated fire-arm, probably the most
+obsolete weapon ever handed down from early times.
+
+"Be damned to Benjamin," says the man from Bow Street, "and be damned
+to his blunderbush; we're a-going up to look ourselves."
+
+"And wherefore, gentlemans," says Moses in a tone like silk, it was so
+soft, "should Benjamin and his blunderbush be damned?  Benjamin is a
+good boy, and his blunderbush is a good weapon.  If this earl is in my
+chamber, depend upon it one or the other shall bring him down."
+
+"No; we'll go up ourselves, ole Shylock," says the other, "for this
+hearl is so full of hell, that as likely as not he'd beat Benjamin to
+death with his own blunderbush, crikey-likey! he would so."
+
+"Nay, that he would not," says Mr. Moses, "for Benjamin would blow the
+heart out of him, if he but advanced one step upon him."
+
+Mr. Moses was evidently a master of fence, and determined as my enemies
+might show themselves, they could make nothing of his subtle, cringing
+ways.  They might have excellent reasons for overhauling the house, and
+going upstairs, as indeed they had, yet they had not the wit to enforce
+them.  For every additional argument he had a new excuse to advance,
+which at least if it contributed nothing whatever to the case in point,
+yet served to obscure the issue and to distract and confound those
+concerned in it.  It was truly remarkable how he managed to lure and
+cheat them with the most specious words that could mean nothing
+whatever; and yet at the same time, and therein lay his art, they
+listened to him and never once seemed to doubt his sincerity.  And it
+seemed too that this cunning Hebrew had something of a trump card to
+play, and this he had reserved for the last.
+
+"An earl did ye say, sirs?" says he, with a vast air of reflection.
+"It could not have been by any chance the Earl of Tiverton?"
+
+"Yes, by thunder," they cried together, "the man himself."
+
+"Well now, I call that whimsical," says he, "seeing as how I see his
+lordship running at the top of his legs past this window not five
+minutes before you came here."
+
+"You did that," says one of my enemies, "then why in thunder couldn't
+you say so before, instead o' keepin' us argle-hargling here, you piece
+o' pork, you hedge-pig!"
+
+With a stream of oaths and vituperation they tumbled out into the
+street, whilst Mr. Moses, with his hands outspread and a cringing,
+shrugging, smiling yet deprecating aspect, looked the picture of a
+highly ingenuous bewilderment.  No sooner had they passed away in the
+hot pursuit of some phantom of myself, than Mr. Moses opened the door
+he had pushed so lately upon me, and informed me that the immediate
+danger was overpast.  He waved away the thanks I offered him, with a
+great deal of politeness, assuring me that he was more than repaid by
+the happiness he took for having been of some slight service to so fine
+a specimen of the nobility as myself.
+
+"But if there is any leetle thing in the way of pizness," says he, "I
+am the man, your lordship."
+
+"Yes, Mr. Moses, I have been thinking of it," says I, and indeed I had.
+"Now you see I am very tolerably attired."  I unbuttoned my riding-coat
+and threw it open to display as elegant a costume as ever I had from
+Tracy.  "Unhappily I have not a guinea in the world"--let me do Mr.
+Moses the justice of recording that in the face of this announcement he
+retained his countenance wonderfully well.--"But I will barter
+breeches, coat, waistcoat, ruffles, stockings, buckled shoes, for a
+plain drab shoddy suit, some common hose, and a pair of hob-nailed
+boots.  By this exchange I think we shall both be gratified; you on
+your side by receiving things of about twelve times the value of what
+you give away; and I on mine by obtaining a tolerable disguise to my
+condition when I start on my itinerary, for I hardly think I should
+recognize myself in such a uniform, whilst as for my mamma, dear
+sainted buckram lady! if at the end of all the journeying that is
+before me I come before the gates of Heaven in it, she will hold a
+bottle of vinegar before her fine-cut nose, and say _c'est un faux
+pas!_ and get me denied the _entr�e_.  She will ecod! for I would have
+you to know, my dear Mr. Moses, I am of a devilish stiff-backed family.
+Look at my grandfather.  What a majestical old gentleman it is, even as
+in his declining years he takes his ease in his pop-shop, with
+christening mugs and dirty candlesticks about him on the one hand, and
+saving your presence, Mr. Moses, a Jew dealer on the other.  But there,
+my good fellow, we will not talk about it."
+
+Mr. Moses, seeing his advantage in this proposal--indeed he was so
+excellent a fellow that had he not done so, I do not doubt he would
+still have tried to accommodate me--fully entered into this idea, and
+did his best to fish this chaste wardrobe out of the varied contents of
+his shop.  Indeed such hidden stores did it contain, that after the
+contents of divers boxes, and cupboards, and back parlours, and
+mysterious receptacles had been examined, the necessary articles were
+forthcoming, and I was shown into one of the chambers leading from the
+shop, in order to effect this change in my attire.
+
+It would have made you laugh to see the figure I cut--my snuff-coloured
+coat and pantaloons, fitting in most places where they touched, gave me
+such a rustical appearance that an ostler or a tapster became a
+gentleman by the comparison.  The hose was rather better, however, but
+the boots were not only the thickest and clumsiest as ever I saw, but
+were much too big into the bargain.  A hat was also found for me that
+matched very well indeed with this startling change in my condition;
+and a thick, coarse brown cover-all in lieu of the smart riding-coat I
+had set out with.  Mr. Moses certainly had as good a bargain as he
+could have wished, but certainly not a better one than his merits
+deserved; whilst I had come by the most effectual disguise to my
+station, and one well calculated to mislead Sheriff's officers and Bow
+Street runners, for in all my extended experience of the tribe they
+have ever been clumsy fellows, blind of eye and thick of understanding,
+incapable of seeing beyond the noses on their faces.  With mutual
+respect and pleasure, therefore, and many pious hopes for the welfare
+of my grandfather, whom I was moved to say could not have been left in
+more worthy hands, I took my leave of Mr. Moses.  And seeing he was a
+Jew, I must say that he was the best conditioned Jew as ever I met.
+
+I took my way very cautiously on leaving the shop of my friend the
+Hebrew.  At first I kept well in the shadow of the houses and peered
+carefully about.  My enemies, however, appeared to be still away on the
+false scent.  The twilight of the autumn afternoon was gathering in as
+I pursued my way towards little Cynthia.  She was to have met me at the
+gates of Hyde Park nearly an hour ago.  As I turned into Piccadilly
+without meeting with a sign of my enemies, for no reason whatever I was
+suddenly stabbed with the pain of a most bitter speculation.  Suppose
+my little Cynthia was not there to meet me after all!  Suppose I had
+tarried so long that, fearing I was taken, she had gone from the
+rendezvous!  Suppose something unforeseen and mysterious had befallen
+her, as such accidents occasionally do!  In a flash I realized how
+dear, how inexpressibly dear she was to me.  If aught bereft me of her
+now, she, the one friend I had, the one creature who believed in me,
+worthless ruined fellow as I was, the one person who would dare to
+stand at my side and face the sneers and the scorn of the world, life
+would indeed have no savour left in it.  I should neither have the
+heart nor the desire to continue in that which would become a burden
+and a mockery.  And in sooth so did this terrible thought take hold of
+me, that a kind of fatality came upon me.  I began to have a sense of
+foreboding, as they say one may have in a dream; I felt the blood grow
+slow and thin in my limbs; I was taken with a cold shivering; and my
+spirit flagged so low that I would have wagered a kingdom at that
+moment that some dire circumstance had happened to my love, and even
+more particularly to me.
+
+In the very height of this fever of insane fears, I came to the end of
+Piccadilly, and there in the increasing gloom of the evening were the
+gates of Hyde Park.  And there too, like a sentinel on guard, so proud
+and strict she was of outline, was my little Cynthia.  She stood there
+all unconscious of the fact that the simple sight of her was enough in
+itself to reconcile a ruined man to his empty life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE
+
+All the way I had come I had heightened my disguise by mouching along
+with my hat low down over my eyes, the collar of my coat turned up to
+my ears, and my hands stuck deep in my pockets.  And so effectual was
+this mode, that though Cynthia was awaiting me in fear and impatience,
+I had walked right up to her and taken her by the arm ere she knew I
+was so near.
+
+"Oh, Jack," she sobbed, "I--I am so glad.  S--something s--seemed to
+tell me that you would never return.  I was certain you were ta'en, and
+that I should never see you again, except between the iron bars of a
+prison."
+
+I kissed her.
+
+"Foolish child," says I, with dignified forgetfulness, "to entertain
+such silly fears.  Alas, you women, that you should give way to
+weaknesses of this sort!  What would you say of us men now, if we were
+so easily afflicted?"
+
+It was fine the way in which I wielded my advantage, and clearly showed
+to the shrinking little creature how ill the poor weak female character
+compared with the hardy, resolute male.  But as this instance goes to
+show, I do not really think that the masculine character is so much
+sterner than the feminine; for is not its pre-eminence largely a matter
+of assumption?  A man scorns and conceals the weaknesses a woman
+flaunts and cherishes.
+
+The twilight was deepening rapidly and giving way to an evening of
+heavy clouds and rainy wind, when arm-in-arm we started to walk we knew
+not where.  We started to walk into the night and the country places,
+away from our enemies, and from those who would sever or deter us.  We
+had not the faintest idea as to the place we were bound for.  One spot
+was as good as another.  Involuntarily we turned into the park,
+although we knew not why we should.  But I suppose we felt that every
+step we took into this mysterious nowhere of our destination, we were
+leaving the law behind, and that together, friendless and resourceless,
+but ever hand-in-hand, we were beginning our lives anew.
+
+We moved away at a brisk round pace, possessed with the thought of
+putting a long distance between us and our foes.  And in the pleasure
+of having come together again we walked lightly and easily for long
+enough, not heeding the way, nor the wind, nor the threat of the
+rainclouds and the dark evening.  We rejoiced in the exquisite sense of
+our comradeship, and in the thought that every step we took together
+was a contribution to our freedom.  We came out of the park again, and
+went on and on, past the houses of Kensington, and then past straggling
+and remoter places, the names of which I did not know.
+
+In a surprisingly little while, as it seemed to us, sunk in the
+obsession of our companionship, we were groping in the unlit darkness
+of the country lanes, with the lights of the town we had left fading
+away behind us.  But we must have been walking considerably more than
+two hours, and at a smart pace, to judge by the distance we had made.
+It was then that I pressed Cynthia's hand and says:
+
+"Are you not tired, little one?"
+
+"Nay," says she, "my feet are slipping by so light, I do not know that
+I am walking.  I could journey on all night in this way."
+
+I was vastly gratified by this brave speech.  But for myself, although
+I too had no weariness, and to be sure I could not have confessed to it
+if I had, I was yet being bitten very severely by the pangs of hunger.
+All day I had taken nothing beyond a glass or two of wine.  Therefore I
+now felt a pressing need.
+
+"At least," says I, "I hope you are hungry?"
+
+"Well, since you mention it," says she, "I think I am."
+
+"That is well," says I, "for I am most abominably so.  I believe I
+never was so hungry in my life before; and I am sure I never had
+scantier means of appeasing it.  Only conceive of twelvepence halfpenny
+to the two of us for our board and lodging."
+
+It now became our business to find an inn of the meaner sort, in which
+we might invest this munificent sum.  But as we had long since left the
+bricks and mortar of the town behind, a house for our entertainment was
+not so easily come by.
+
+We walked on and on, but still no welcome inn appeared; and presently
+the lamps of the great city itself had vanished, till we were left in
+the utter darkness of the country lanes.  There was no evidence of a
+human habitation anywhere about, and we knew not where we were.
+
+By this time both of us were tired as well as most bitterly hungry.
+Poor little Cynthia hung so heavily on my arm, that I knew fatigue had
+mastered her.  Yet so brave she was, that despite all the pains and
+difficulties she endured, she would not admit that she was weary.
+Indeed, when I asked her to confess it, says she: "Nay, not I," as
+stoutly as she would have done three hours before.  Yet when we came to
+a bank of earth beside the way, and I bade her rest upon it for a
+little while she could raise no very great objection.
+
+I suppose two persons could never have taken their repose with more
+singular feelings than did we upon that bank of earth.  Whither we were
+going that night, and what was to become of us we did not know.  There
+was the sum of twelvepence halfpenny between us and destitution, but
+even this could not avail us in such a solitary darkness, in the
+absence of a house and human aid.  Happily the night was wonderfully
+mild, and we in our coats and stout boots were warmly clad.  Otherwise
+we might have perished where we sat.  The pains of fatigue, allied to
+the pangs of hunger, had bereft us of both the energy and the
+inclination to proceed.  We must have tarried on that bank considerably
+beyond an hour, mutually consoling one another.  For my part little
+Cynthia's courage almost reconciled me to these present circumstances,
+but you may be sure I was bitterly distressed for her.  I had admitted
+her into my care, foolishly no doubt, and because there was scarcely an
+alternative; and this was the sort of provision I had to offer.  Come
+what may, something must be done.  The child could never be left to
+suffer thus.  I must find food and a sanctuary of some sort for her.
+
+However, even as I pondered on our case, hunger and weariness did their
+worst.
+
+For some time I had known by Cynthia's failing answers and the
+heaviness with which she leant against me, that she was becoming more
+and more completely overborne.  And I'll swear so monstrous brave she
+was that never a word of complaint passed her lips, nor yet a tear
+escaped her.  And then her little head nestled up to my coat-sleeve,
+and the next moment she sighed and was dead asleep upon it.  In spite
+of her resolution, the excitements, the distresses and the pains of
+that long day had overpowered her.  Yet I dare not have her pass the
+night in this exposure on a moist bank of earth, with the night-wind
+playing on her face, and the clouds that had banked themselves over the
+moon for ever increasing and threatening to descend upon us in a
+drenching rain.  Therefore, dire as my own case was, I roused myself to
+a desperate attempt to discover a meal and a lodging for the night.
+
+I had not the heart to try to arouse the poor child, as you may
+suppose; wherefore, disturbing her as little as I could, I gathered her
+in my arms, for after all her fine spirit she was but a feather of a
+thing, and carried her before me along the lane.  It was an effort of
+despair, for the never-ending darkness revealed no glimpse of what I
+sought.  Every now and then the wind brought a spatter of the expected
+rain; but this, when it came upon my lips, carried a kind of
+refreshment in it.  I doggedly set my teeth and marched along with my
+warm burden, and I think the weight of responsibility that was in my
+arms, added to the one upon my heart, fostered a grim determination in
+me to succeed in my search at any cost.  The lanes seemed interminable,
+and every one the same.  All my limbs were one strange, numb ache; I
+had become so faint with hunger that I moved in a kind of delirium; and
+in the end every step I took became so mechanical a thing as to be an
+effort of the will without the co-operation of the senses.
+
+Heaven knows what the hour was when one of these lanes I had been
+eternally taking all night long ended in a partly-unhinged gate.  My
+first instinct was to snatch an instant's rest upon it; but this I
+dared not do.  I could never have set my paralysed limbs in motion
+again had I done so.  Indeed it was but the presence of poor little
+Cynthia in my arms that prevented my sinking to the earth as I stood.
+But looking beyond the gate I could indistinctly define various dull
+masses that I believed to be the outline of haystacks or farm
+buildings.  Brushing through the rickety gate with an accession of new
+strength that the idea had lent me, I had not proceeded many yards in
+the stubble-field beyond ere I knew that at last I had come to a
+farmstead.  There was not a glimmer of light to be seen anywhere, nor
+could I make out in the total darkness which was the house itself.
+Approaching nearer it grew plain that these were farm buildings.
+Considering, however, my exhausted condition, the lateness of the hour,
+and the probability that the house was some distance off, I decided to
+make the best of what lay before me.  No sooner had I taken this
+resolve, than the moon, as if in recognition of it, showed itself
+suddenly for the first time that night from out of its wrack of rain
+clouds.  By its aid and the smell issuing from within I was made aware
+that I stood before the entrance to a cow-hovel.
+
+There was no door to it, therefore I was able to carry Cynthia straight
+in.  The cows in their various stalls paid us hardly any attention as I
+groped my way past them.  The place was of a somewhat considerable
+extent, and coming to the end of it, I discovered a space in the far
+corner where the clean straw was stored.  Dispersing a bundle of it
+with my feet, I deposited my poor little one very gently into the warm
+bed thereby made.  Careful as I had been not to disturb her, the change
+in her position had its effect.  She gave the same sigh with which she
+had gone to sleep, and says:
+
+"Jack, Jack, where are you?  I do believe I've been to sleep."
+
+"Then go to sleep again, my prettiness," says I.
+
+"But what is this?" says she.  "This is surely not the bank of moist
+earth in the lane I went to sleep on.  Where are we then?  What place
+is this so warm and snug?"  A rustle.  "Straw!"  A sniff.  "A cow-shed!
+Oh dear, I am----!  Oh, could we----! and, oh, Jack, dear, how did we
+get here?"
+
+The sound of Cynthia's voice and the knowledge that there was a roof
+for her head and a couch for her body at last, however mean they might
+be, did much to lift me out of my own sorry predicament.  Faint and
+numb as I still was, my brain seemed to have its capacity restored.
+And at least I could gauge by my own sufferings those which Cynthia
+strove so valiantly to conceal.
+
+"Are you not hungry, little one?" says I.
+
+"Are you?" says she.
+
+"Most damnably so," says I.
+
+"Then I am too."
+
+Now I would have you mark that hunger is a great wit.  Cynthia sniffed
+a second time.  "Cows," says she.  "Oh, what good fortune!"
+
+"But my dearest prettiness," says I, "hungry as we are I do not exactly
+see how these cows can help us.  Although to be sure I will undertake
+to knock one down and skin it, and make the fire and such like menial
+offices, if you will cut it up and cook it."
+
+"Goose that you are," says Cynthia.  "You almost deserve to perish of
+your emptiness.  What about the milk?"
+
+"Odslife!" cries I, "to think that I should not have thought of that.
+Ye gods and little fishes, I must go find a pot, or a pail, or a pan to
+hold it in!"
+
+The happy prospect of such sustenance endowed us both with new vigour.
+Without more ado I began groping about in this moonlit hovel to
+discover these utensils.  But it was no such easy matter.  Look where I
+might, inside the place and outside of it, amongst the straw and
+fodder, or among the cows themselves, there was devil a pail that I
+could see.  Yet so insistent was our case that we could not be put off
+by any small detail of this sort.  We were both of us thoroughly awake
+by now and fully bent on assuaging our distresses.  And Cynthia in
+particular showed her good resources.
+
+"Jack," says she, "give me your hat.  It is bigger than mine."
+
+"To be sure," says I.  "I had not thought of that.  But I will go and
+do the milking.  I do not choose that you undertake these menial
+offices, my pretty, like a common dairymaid."
+
+"I am afraid you can have no choice in the matter," says Cynthia, now
+thoroughly awakened and full of importance at the prospect.  "You speak
+as though it were indeed the simplest thing in the world to milk a cow.
+'Pon my word, sir, I would vastly like to see you at that exercise.  It
+requires a mighty long apprenticeship, I would have you to know; and
+luckily I have had it during the time I have lived in Devonshire.  Were
+it to be left to you, I am thinking we should come by precious little
+else than your good intentions."
+
+I bent my head in silence under this merited reproof.  Our resolve was
+a brave one, for in the darkness and strangeness of the place it was
+not easy to carry it out.  However, Cynthia, armed with my hat, if you
+please, was not the person to stick at trifles.  She groped her way
+among the cows in a most valiant manner, and presently, having the good
+fortune to find one with a calf by its side, her task was made lighter
+than it might have been otherwise.  I encumbered her with my
+assistance.  The assistance in question consisted in holding the hat,
+while she performed the more delicate operation.  And I could not help
+remarking that for a town miss, who in Saint James's Park or Bloomsbury
+had quite enough of airs, affectation and incapacity to pass as a
+person of the finest _ton_, she showed a degree of aptitude quite
+foreign to her quality.
+
+"It is rarely done," says I, as the hat grew weightier and weightier.
+"And I protest that you astonish me.  It is as unmodish a performance
+as ever I saw.  I wish some of your friends could see you now."
+
+"Oh, Lord," says Cynthia, in great terror from beneath the udder, "I
+would not have them see me for the world.  I vow if they did I should
+die of it."
+
+"I believe you would," says I; "and I believe they would also."
+
+Cynthia had the first drink from the hat, which, being of a good, stiff
+felt quality, and being pretty commodious too, for its business as you
+know was to enclose a great brain, it made an admirable receptacle.
+But to drink from it without spilling the milk was not by any means a
+simple performance.  Great address was required, but the expert Mrs.
+Cynthia contrived it somehow.  And when she fitted her lips to the
+brim, there was never a drop that left this quaint vessel but it went
+to its right destination.
+
+"How warm and delicious it is!" says she, after bibbing a most
+immoderate quantity.  "How refreshed I feel!"
+
+Shaking with laughter, I followed her example.  Yet the vigour with
+which I did it, combined with my clumsier masculine methods, had
+unfortunate consequences.  I choked and sputtered and turned a good
+deal down my coat ere I was able to get any satisfaction out of my
+labours.  However, when I had learned to control my impatience, and had
+found the true knack of drinking hot milk out of my own hat, it was
+almost worth enduring the pangs of so shrewd a hunger to have such an
+exquisite recompense.  One hatful did not suffice us either.  We
+returned to the cow again and again; and with such excellent
+consequences, that for the nonce, we were both strongly agreed that no
+meal of rare dishes served on silver with powdered servants behind our
+chairs had ever given us any pleasure to approach our present one.
+Indeed, so delicately satisfied did we feel within, and such a sense of
+sweet lassitude was stealing over us, as made the thoughts of our couch
+of straw a thousand times more delectable than any pillows and lavender
+sheets we had ever slept in--nay, we really marvelled that if this was
+a state of mind incident to a vagabond roving life, how any one could
+ever do aught else but adopt it?  Truly it must be the ignorance of the
+world.  People could not know of these Arcadian delights.  Who would
+trouble else to be a peer, for ever sweating and fuming in the toils of
+one's position, spending one's days in contriving fresh devices for the
+defeat of weariness and in the excitement of new appetites?  Who would
+game and drink every night in order to forget the _ennui_ of the world,
+only to find day by day that instead of forgetting it, the intolerable
+oppression of it did increase?
+
+After shaking down several bundles of sweet-smelling hay and making of
+it a rare soft bed, I was about to lie in it, when the propriety of the
+feminine character was most excellently manifested.  With a good deal
+of confusion in her voice, and I'll swear in her face too, though
+unhappily the darkness of this far corner was so great I could not
+observe it, my companion intimated her modest doubts.  It seemed we had
+not yet been through the hands of the clergyman.  Be sure that this
+marvellously bashful proper miss did not use words of this rude
+character.  In faith, I hardly think that she used words at all; and if
+she did, certainly not more than three at a time, and even they were of
+such a nature that taken by themselves they could have no meaning
+whatever.  But so evident were the poor child's modest distresses, and
+so keen her desire not to act in anywise contrary to the conventions of
+that propriety in which her sex has ever been foremost, that I nearly
+cracked a rib with my vulgar mirth.
+
+"So be it, Mrs. Puritan," says I.  "But upon my soul more _bourgeois_
+reasons I never heard.  'Fore Gad, though, a most meritorious
+respectability."
+
+Little Cynthia, however, was not to be smoked out of her demeanour.
+She persevered in it in the most straight-laced manner, and in the end
+I was fain to erect a barrier of hay between us, and build up a second
+couch for myself.  Thus we might at a pinch be said to occupy separate
+chambers, though to be sure the partition between us was not stout
+enough to prevent us conversing as we lay in our separate beds.  But it
+was little talk that passed between us.  We were so delightfully weary
+that it began and ended in "Good-night!"  The next minute an
+unmistakable indication came from Mrs. Cynthia's apartment, and a
+minute afterwards I was sunk in the honestest and therefore the most
+delicious sleep I had enjoyed for many a year.  I neither dreamt nor
+wandered, but just dropt into a profound insensibility which was
+continued well into the daylight of the morning.  This rare refreshment
+was destined to end in a somewhat peremptory fashion.
+
+I think it must have been a kick or a blow that waked me.  For I came
+to my senses with an unnatural suddenness and a curse on my tongue.  It
+was broad day, and the misty morning sun was struggling in through
+numerous chinks in the roof and walls of the hovel.  A farmer with a
+pitchfork in his hand was standing before me.  He was almost
+inarticulate with rage.  As I opened my eyes he burst out into a
+violent Doric that I hope these pages are much too chaste to adequately
+reproduce.
+
+"Well I nivver in all my born days," says he, stamping his feet, and
+then rounding his period with a most ferocious kick on my shin.
+
+"Get up, ye impident scoundrel, and I'll beat ye to purpose so I will.
+In my own barn, in broad daylight too.  O the impidence, the domned
+impidence of it!"
+
+The kick had greatly helped me to realize the state of the case.  We
+had been discovered by the owner of the cow-house, and he, with true
+British respect for the rights of property, was not unnaturally
+incensed that two persons were so calmly infringing them.  For by this
+he had discovered poor little Cynthia, whom I was able to observe
+through the frail portion of hay between us, sitting up in her bed with
+a very woeful, frightened countenance.
+
+"Whoy theer's a woman too," says the farmer.  "Well if this doan't beat
+all I ivver heard.  O you impident hussy."
+
+"My good fellow," says I, fearing lest he should deal Cynthia a kick
+also, "I am afraid you are under some misapprehension in this matter.
+Allow me to explain."
+
+I thought it to be an occasion when the very nicest suavity of tone and
+manner was required, for the consequences were like to be uncommonly
+ruffling else.  Therefore I could not have been more careful of my
+courtesy had I been addressing my remarks to the King.  But all I got
+for my pains was the sight of a great bewilderment that suddenly ran in
+the farmer's purple face.
+
+"Whoy, a dom'd foreigner," says he.  "That makes it wuss, an hundred
+times wuss, that it do.  I'll give you foreigner, I will too.  A
+foreigner in my plaace, among my cows, lying in my hay.  Come out o' it
+and I'll break your yedd in two plazen; once for yersen, and once for
+t' little witch with the blue eyes.  How d'ye like that, Mister
+Foreigner?"
+
+Crack came the blunt end of the pitchfork at me so smartly, that it was
+only the fact that I was expecting some small manifestation of the kind
+that enabled me to get up my arm quick enough to save my head.
+
+As my attempt at a polite argument had had such an unfortunate effect
+upon him, I judged that I should best serve my skin by advancing a less
+formal sort of rejoinder, but one that might more directly appeal to
+his rustic character.
+
+"Enough of this, sir," says I, "But just lay down your pitchfork, take
+off your jacket and step outside, and you shall be the judge as to
+whether I am a foreigner, or as good an Englishman as you are yourself."
+
+The effect upon him was excellent.  His anger melted at once at this
+proposal, so clearly was it after his own mind.
+
+"'Tis fair speaking anyway," says he.  "I could not have spoken it
+better myself.  Come on this way, my lad, we'll soon set this matter to
+rights."
+
+Cynthia was terribly frightened.  She clung to my arms, and refused to
+let me follow the farmer into the yard.
+
+"Much as I admire your solicitude, my prettiness," says I, "it is most
+highly inconvenient.  For do you not see that this is as much an affair
+of honour as an appointment at Lincoln's Inn Fields?  Mr. Chawbacon has
+suffered an injury at our hands, and you who milked his cow last night
+should be the last to deny it.  Wherefore should he not have the
+satisfaction that he desires?  You would not, I am sure, have me put
+off my gentility now that I cease to wear its livery.  It is the only
+reparation that I can make to Mr. Chawbacon, and if I denied it to the
+honest fellow I should cease to respect myself."
+
+Poor little Cynthia having no substantial argument to advance against
+this--indeed how could she have?--had recourse to a flood of tears, at
+once the most natural, formidable and convincing one her sex can set
+up.  But greatly as her behaviour embarrassed me, I was committed with
+the farmer, and I have such an instinct in these matters, that
+notwithstanding Cynthia's very real distress, I could not possibly have
+backed out of my position with any shred of credit.  Therefore taking
+off my great-coat I bade the poor frightened child wrap herself in it
+up to her ears and to stay where she was, that she might neither hear
+nor observe that which was going forward.  She obeyed me in this, and
+lay sobbing softly to herself while I went forth to do battle with my
+friend the farmer.
+
+On stepping out of the hovel into the yard I found my antagonist was
+surrounded by three or four of the farm yokels, and moreover was
+stripped to the waist.  To judge by his expression he was plainly
+animated by the highest intentions towards me, and was prepared to give
+quite as much or even more than he was likely to receive.
+
+"Now then, my lad," he says briskly, "I'm a-going to do as well by you
+as Tench did last week by the Fightin' Tinman.  Now then, Joe Barker,
+and you, Bill Blagg, come on with them there pails and moppses."
+
+To my infinite delight I saw that the two children of the soil in
+question were bearing two buckets of water towards us with a sponge
+floating on the top of each.
+
+"We can't have this done in due and proper form according to the
+reggerlations," says this sportsman of a farmer in an apologetic voice,
+"because you see we've got no judge, and none o' these men o' mine
+could be trusted with the dooties.  I wish Squire was here, I do so.
+We _could_ have it all done proper then accordin' to the reggerlations.
+Squire was Tench's backer down Putney way last week, and knows all the
+reggerlations off by heart, does Squire.  He only lives just across the
+road, and if you'll wait a minute I'll have him fetched."
+
+"No, my good man," says I hastily, "we'll have no squires if you
+please.  We can trust one another, I suppose.  Let me suggest that a
+knock-down ends the round, and that we set-to again when we feel able."
+
+"That seems fair," says the farmer.  "But I should a-liked Squire to
+ha' been here all the same, and I'm thinking he'd a-liked to ha' been
+here too.  He's the best sporting man in Surrey, is the Squire, and
+fair death on the reggerlations."
+
+Having fixed up all the preliminaries of an encounter in this
+expeditious fashion, I proceeded to prepare for the fray.  I imitated
+the farmer's excellent example, divested myself of coat, waistcoat and
+shirt, and bound up my breeches with a leathern belt I was able to
+borrow from a flattered and delighted yokel.  It was in this negligent
+attire that I regarded my antagonist, and devoutly hoped the while that
+my little Cynthia was still sobbing among the hay in the hovel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER
+
+The farmer held out his hand with a grin, but quite in the approved
+manner, and I seized the occasion of shaking it briefly to run over his
+points.  He was extremely broad: a hard-looking, powerful fellow,
+apparently capable of taking a deal of punishment.  But his years were
+against him.  He was considerably on the wrong side of fifty to judge
+by his looks, and in height I had the advantage of a full four inches.
+To judge by the attitude in which he set himself, I doubted whether,
+whatever his experience of these encounters, he had much science to
+recommend him.  For myself I must confess I was hugely delighted with
+the whole thing, and entered into it with the spirit of a boy.  A match
+or a contest or a wager of any kind has ever been peculiarly acceptable
+to me.  Indeed was it not this fondness, amounting almost to a passion,
+that had so largely contributed to my present position?  I had always,
+I think, been pretty ready with my hands; had had some little practice
+in night affrays with footpads and persons of that kidney; had
+witnessed more than one set-to in the ring; whilst as for the matter of
+science, I had in my younger days taken so keen an interest in this
+invaluable art, as to put myself under the tutelage of acknowledged
+masters of it.  Therefore I was not without a certain confidence in
+myself, although there was a grim determination about the mien and air
+of the farmer that was not to be despised.  He was unmistakably game
+and full of the true fighting instinct, but his years were no friends
+of his intrepidity.
+
+Disregarding all subtleties and finesse, as well became his blunt,
+rustical, honest character, we had no sooner greeted one another and
+got our hands up, than the farmer came at me both hands pell-mell, with
+his head down, like a bull at a gate.  His onset was so fierce and
+sudden, that I was by no means prepared to receive it, and he had me at
+a decided disadvantage.  He had rained in a full dozen of short-armed
+blows, right and left, left and right at my face, at my ribs, at my
+chest, ere I could even so much as find my fighting legs, or bring into
+action any little skill that I might possess.  My long-unpractised ward
+could not prevail at all against such an onslaught.  I received
+half-parried blows on the mouth, which cut my lip and broke a tooth, on
+the right eye which partially closed it up, and a full one in the ribs.
+This last was the worst of all, as for a time it deprived me somewhat
+of my wind and made me sob to catch my breath.  And while I was meeting
+with these misfortunes, the bystanding yokels, whose sympathies were
+all on one side and that not mine, as you may suppose, were dancing
+with delight, and shrieking their hoarse encouragement.
+
+"Go it, varmer.  Give un pepper, give un snuff!"
+
+However, by this I had pulled myself together somewhat, and had found a
+means of coping with this hand-over-hand style of fighting.  There was
+plenty of room to dodge in.  This I began to make use of.  Indeed it
+was the only chance I had of protecting myself, for I was quite
+incapable of standing up to the farmer's terrible blows.  But as soon
+as I could find myself sufficiently to begin dancing out of his reach,
+the game turned at once in my favour.  There was devil a bit of guile
+or finesse in the heart of my honest adversary.  The moment I gave
+ground, he pursued me, hitting the air.  Happily for me he was much too
+slow and heavy in this kind of warfare ever to get his knuckles near
+the place he desired.
+
+In a little while his great jowl grew inflamed, the sweat poured off
+his forehead into his eyes, his breath came short and thick, and his
+hitting grew gradually weaker and less sustained.  It was not yet that
+I went in, however.  I continued to prance round and round him, there
+being plenty of room in which to do so; and at every futile blow he
+grew more unsteady.  But all this while I had a keen eye for my
+opportunity.  It was coming slowly but surely, for I was well enough
+versed in the matter to know better than to go so much as an inch to
+meet it.  I waited then with a wary patience, sometimes letting him get
+nearer than I need have done to encourage him in his course.  Not that
+this was necessary, for the old fellow was as game as any pet of the
+"fancy" that ever buffed in the ring.  But not again did I allow him to
+get his "ten commandments" home on me; I had had enough of that.  And
+at last having allowed him to spend himself entirely, I quickly
+selected the moment of my advantage, even deliberated on it to make
+quite sure, and then stiffened every muscle into trim.  I made a
+pretence of closing up with him.  This had the effect of luring him
+into another futile rush.  As he came hitting blindly, I feinted, and
+as he went past, my right went out at the most correct fraction of an
+instant, and down went the gallant farmer into the muck of his own
+barton.  The Fighting Tinker himself could not have done it more
+neatly, I'll vow.  But the old fellow was of a rare British mettle.  He
+was no sooner down than he was up again.  Apparently he was ashamed to
+be seen in such a humiliating posture.
+
+I, for my part, had barely time to wipe away the blood that was oozing
+from my broken lip, ere the farmer was up and at me again.  But I was
+not to be caught napping a second time.  By this I was perfectly calm
+and sure of myself, for I felt that I enjoyed a command of the methods
+that were likely to bring me success.  Instead of dodging from my
+opponent on this occasion I allowed him to come right up and literally
+hurl himself on his own undoing.  For again at the exact instant I got
+a beautiful lead on to his point, and stunned as much by the unexpected
+check to his own impetus as by the blow itself, he fell flat on his
+back.  This time he lay half stunned.  He made several attempts to rise
+immediately, but was quite unable to do so.
+
+Seeing him to be somewhat the worse, his yokels ran to him, whilst I
+went too, and rendered him all the assistance that lay in my power.  He
+lay puffing and panting in the mire of the yard, half-dazed by his
+disaster, otherwise apparently not a penny the worse.  He was still
+full of fighting courage; but unfortunately he lay as weak as a child
+from the shock of the blow and the fall.  Strive as he might he was
+quite unable to rise.  His yokels of course were at a loss to know what
+to do in the circumstances, but I did what I could by propping his head
+on my knee, and dispatching one of the men to the house for some
+brandy.  And at this moment who should arrive but little Cynthia with a
+very white face indeed, and in such a quiver of distress as plainly
+said that she had witnessed the whole affair from the seclusion of the
+cowhouse.
+
+"Oh," says she, taking charge of the farmer at once, and sponging his
+face and his breast with the cold water, "you are neither of you
+killed, I hope.  Oh, you pair of ruffian wretches!  Have you much pain,
+poor farmer?  Lean your head on Jack, and take things gently a little.
+And do you, What's-your-name? bring his coat and put over the poor
+man's shoulders."
+
+While these delicate attentions were going forward, my sturdy adversary
+was recovering remarkably.
+
+"I'm all right, my wench," says he.  "But I'm dom'd if I can stand up
+again, much as I should like.  Your mate's done me fair for once, and I
+can tell you he's the only man hereabouts that ivver gave Joe Headish
+his bellyful.  Dom'd if I don't go at 'im again.  Here, let be; let me
+get up."
+
+By a sudden effort he tried to rise, but immediately fell back again in
+a still more dilapidated state.  But the arrival of the brandy did a
+good deal to restore him, and a little afterwards he was on his legs.
+Feeling himself in no condition to continue, reluctant as he was to
+admit the fact, he held out his hand, and we both subscribed to the
+articles of peace.
+
+By the time I had donned my clothes in the seclusion of the hovel, and
+had emerged forth again in all the respectability of my great-coat,
+coat, waistcoat, and shirt, the farmer was thoroughly recovered and
+talking to Cynthia in the most friendly spirit.  At my appearance, says
+he:
+
+"I don't know who you are, young man; I don't know you from Adam, that
+I don't, but I respect you.  You're of the right stuff, my lad, and
+pretty handy with your mauleys.  I ax pardon for calling you a
+foreigner.  Whatever part you come from, and whatever your occipation
+may be, dom'd if you're not as true-blood an Englishman as I am mysen.
+And I don't care who hears me say it."
+
+"I thank you, sir," says I gravely.  "But I am sure the apology should
+come from me.  I on my side ask your pardon for using your cowhouse and
+using your milk in the small hours of the morning."
+
+"Don't name it," says the farmer.  "You're quite welcome to the best
+I've got.  And dom me if it comes to that you shall have it too.  You
+come along with me, and bring the little wench as well.  Purty a little
+wench as ivver I see, she is so!"
+
+I suppose it was the rudest and coarsest invitation either of us had
+ever had in our lives, but it was certainly the heartiest; and this
+I'll vow, there never was an invitation in this world more promptly and
+thankfully accepted.  Indeed at the first hint of it our hearts almost
+leapt with joy, and then a tear sparkled in Cynthia's eyes as she
+curtsied to the farmer.  It was really fine to observe the behaviour of
+the honest fellow.  There was not a spark of animosity in him.  He had
+arbitrated on the merits of the case in his own fashion, and he now
+acquiesced in the result with the same game spirit with which he had
+arrived at it.  And I am perfectly certain for my part that there was
+more wisdom in the man's instincts of justice than may at the first
+sight appear.  If all the world would recognize his as the accepted
+manner of adjudicating on its private and individual grievances, it
+would be found the best method, the one least likely to breed bad
+blood, and the one most calculated to engender a mutual respect in the
+parties concerned.  And now having delivered this superior sentiment as
+a sort of grace before meat, let us follow our good farmer to his
+dwelling with the cheerful expedition that we did on the occasion
+itself.
+
+The excellent man, although evidently puzzled as to who we might
+be--our mode of life was certainly such as to justify his gravest
+suspicions--was at great pains to conceal any doubts of our character
+and occupation that he might entertain.  But the moment we entered the
+ample food-smelling kitchen of the farm, the ceiling hung if you please
+with hams, a rare dish of bacon frizzling before the fire, and a
+breakfast table that to our charmed eyes was almost overborne with good
+homely and appetizing things, we had to run the gauntlet of the
+farmer's wife.  She was a little, keen-featured, hard-faced woman,
+with, as we were soon to discover, the devil of a sharp tongue.  She
+ruffled her feathers as soon as she saw us.
+
+"Lork-a-mercy!" says she, "I didn't know, Joseph, as 'ow you was
+a-bringing of company to breakfast."
+
+"I didn't know mysen," says Joseph complacently.  Then followed a
+moment of embarrassment.  It was plainly the good man's duty to present
+us to his wife.  She very properly expected it of him.  But as in his
+own phrase he did not know us from Adam himself, he was at a loss to
+know in what terms to represent us.  Nor did the pause that ensued help
+matters at all.  The farmer's wife had from the first, as her manner
+showed, been by no means disposed to view us favourably.  There was
+evidently something in our appearance that had caused her to take a
+strong prejudice against us.  One cannot be surprised that this was the
+case, however, seeing that we were both unwashed, and as unkempt as we
+possibly could be, whilst to add a final touch to the picture we
+presented, I was embellished with a puffy and discoloured eye, and a
+bloodied lip.  These misfortunes, when her good man had made
+appearances ten times more unfortunate by his hesitation, his wife was
+only too ready to take as a confirmation of her suspicions.  We were a
+pair of worthless persons, and Joseph was unable to account for the
+sudden impulse that had led him to bring us into that respectable
+abode.  For if we were persons of some credit, why did not Joseph say
+so at once?  His wife sniffed, and after gazing at us in a most
+disconcerting manner, was moved to say:
+
+"Joseph, I'm surprised at you.  I'll have no wicked vagabond
+play-actors here.  I've always done my best to keep this house
+respectable, and, please God, it shall always be so.  How dare you
+bring such people here?  I'll be bound you found them sleeping in your
+barn, and then, soft-hearted fool that you are, you bring them in to
+breakfast.  Oh, I know; you can't deceive me.  It is not enough then
+that they should trespass on your premises, lie on your hay, and rob
+your hen-roosts, but you must encourage 'em in it into the bargain, and
+bring them into this clean, wholesome kitchen that you know I've always
+took such a pride in."
+
+The farmer turned as red as a cabbage.  In his heart he was bound to
+admit that every word his wife uttered was true in substance.  But he
+was a very honest fellow; and though he might feel that he was greatly
+to blame for taking a couple of vagrants so much under his wing, he was
+not the man to go back on his hospitality.  He stood by us nobly.
+
+"Wife," says he, "what words be these?  If I choose to ask a lady and
+gentleman to come and sit at table with me, shall my own wife insult
+them lo their faces?"
+
+"Lady and gentleman!" says the redoubtable wife.  "A pretty sort of
+lady and gentleman, ain't they?  A brazen madam with a hat on.  Oh, and
+curls too!  Lord, look at her!  If she's not a play-actress I've never
+seen one.  And what a bully of a rogue she has got with her, too.  Hath
+he not the very visnomy of a footpad?  He's lately escaped from Newgate
+Gaol, I'll take my oath on't."
+
+There could be no doubt that this good lady was blest with a tongue of
+the sharpest kind.  Her husband was terribly put out by it.  Poor
+little Cynthia was, too.  For all her high breeding and her modish
+London insolence, which in circumstances favourable to it was wont to
+sit so charmingly upon her, she could hardly restrain her tears.  I
+suppose it is that a woman can never bear to be ridiculed, or abused,
+or put in a false position.  The poor child trembled and clung to my
+arm, while her face grew pink and white by turns.
+
+"Oh, Jack," she whispered, "do say something that will put us right.
+Tell them who we are.  I cannot bear to be spoken to like this."
+
+"You surely would not have me spoil the comedy just now?" says I.  "I
+am enjoying it vastly."
+
+In sooth I was.  I dare say it is that I am always keenly alive to
+these odd passages in life, and that I am more prone to seize the
+whimsicality of a matter than is a person of a better gravity.  I vow
+it was finer than a play to me to witness a highly rustical farmer and
+his spouse violently quarrelling because Mr. Chawbacon had degraded his
+rural abode by bringing a duke's daughter into it.  And here was the
+storm growing shriller, the farmer redder and angrier, and poor little
+Cynthia ready to faint with the humiliation of it all.
+
+The state of the case was not improved when the farmer turned his back
+on his wife in the middle of her invective.  And doubtless to define
+his opinion of her behaviour and to show that he was determined to
+stand by us, come what might, he very civilly asked us whether we would
+care to have some hot water from the kettle and go upstairs and perform
+our ablutions.  You may guess with what alacrity we accepted this
+invitation; indeed nothing could have better accorded with our needs
+and our wishes.  But no sooner had the farmer spoken to this tenor than
+Mistress Headish broke out shriller than before:
+
+"What can you be thinking of, Joseph Headish?" says she.  "Do you think
+I would trust two such rapscallion persons out of my sight in our clean
+upper chambers, and so many things to tempt their honesty in them, too?
+No; if they want to wash themselves, they must do it at the pump in the
+yard, as their betters have had to do often enough.  And why people
+like that, leading the vagrant, masterless life they do, should require
+to wash themselves at all, I don't know.  And as you have promised them
+a bite to eat, they shall have it, after they have washed themselves.
+But not in my nice clean kitchen.  I'll send 'em out half a loaf of
+bread and a piece of cold bacon, and a mug of my good October ale, and
+they can take it sitting on the pump, and think themselves lucky to get
+it too."
+
+"Peace, woman," says the farmer, in a voice of such dudgeon as did him
+the highest credit.  "Are you the master in this house, or am I?"
+
+To emphasize the inquiry he brought his hand down with such a force
+upon the breakfast-table as set the dishes rattling; whilst he
+indicated the answer by peremptorily bidding us follow him upstairs.
+This we were in something of a hurry to do, and we soon found ourselves
+in a spacious bed-chamber, which smelt of cleanliness to such an extent
+that, knowing how very ill our own persons must consort with it, we
+began to feel that the farmer's wife was justified of her grievances.
+That worthy shrew, having thoroughly aroused her honest husband, did
+not think fit to interpose any active resistance to his commands, but
+contented herself by staying below, and in delivering a shrill
+monologue from the foot of the stairs.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+
+We had to wait a minute for the hot water and fresh towels which our
+host had had the forethought to order for us.  These were presently
+brought by a strapping servant lass, whose ill-repressed grins proved
+that she had been a spectator of these incidents.  While we waited, the
+good man's apologies for his wife were truly comic.  He chivalrously
+made it clear to us that her defects sprang from the very excess of
+excellencies in her character.
+
+"A notable good woman," says he, while her voice continued to shrill up
+the stairs.  "A fine, honest, energetic woman--a woman in a thousand.
+Always strivin', savin', and cleanin' she is, the very model of what a
+housewife should be.  If she's got a fault, it is her over-anxiousness.
+She will look on the dark side of things; and she's that dreadful
+suspicious, all in the interest of her household, that if a stranger is
+seen with his head over the fence, she can't sleep for a week after it,
+being so certain in her mind that the hayricks are going to be fired,
+the stock taken, the farmstead broken into, and our throats cut as we
+lie in bed.  But I know you'll overlook it; she don't mean nothing by
+it, as you can see with half an eye.  She's a rare good woman as ivver
+I see; it's only her worritin' frettishness for the welfare o' the
+farm; you do understand that, don't you?"
+
+"Perfectly," we said together, an assurance that relieved the good man
+mightily.
+
+"You know, what upsets her most," says he, "is that I can't put a name
+to ye.  For myself, although I came by you promiscuous like at the
+onset, I likes you and I believes in you.  I think you're the right
+sort, only a bit down in the world.  But of course she don't know that.
+She's not seen you use your ten commandments, young man; and she don't
+know what pretty little ways your nice little wife 'ave."  Cynthia
+blushed such a brilliant colour at this complimentary reference that
+the farmer paused to chuckle.  "Begs your pardon, I'm sure, my dear,"
+says he, "if I've put my big foot in it.  Not his wife.  Well, well, I
+thinks none the worse o' 'im for that, I don't; but if I was you I
+would not let the mistress know it.  Her virtue makes her that
+disagreeable sometimes as you wouldn't believe.  Now if you can give me
+a name by which I can introjuice you by, fair and square, as though you
+was friends o' mine, it'll make things easier, do you see, when we sits
+down to breakfast."
+
+"Well," says I, "since you ask it of us, this lady is the Lady Cynthia
+Carew, daughter to the Duke of Salop, and you can call me the Earl of
+Tiverton."
+
+Instead of betraying any surprise at finding us in the possession of
+dignities which, to say the least, he could not have expected us to
+enjoy, the farmer betrayed not a whit of it, but broke into a fit of
+laughter and clapped me upon the shoulder.
+
+"Oh, if it comes to that," says he, "you can call me the Cham of
+Tartary and my old missis the Queen of Sheba."
+
+Nor would he, in spite of the solemn assurances that I rather delighted
+to give him, be convinced of our true condition.
+
+"No, my lad," says he, still laughing at the humour of it, "you may be
+pretty handy with your mauleys, and I would be the last to be denying
+that, but you're no more the pattern of a nobleman than I am.  You
+should try this game on with a greener chap than me.  You must not
+think because I'm a plain farmer that I can't recognize the real
+slap-up nobility when I meets them.  Now if you allowed yourself to be
+some sturdy vagabond that's too idle to work for his livelihood, or a
+strolling actor that is a peddling along the country with his
+puppet-show, or an incorrigible rogue that's lately out of the stocks
+for robbing hen-roosts, and was lying last night in my cowhouse to take
+more than his lodging, I wouldn't disbelieve you.  But an earl!--no,
+you've overshot the mark a bit, my lad.  Say a bart now--be satisfied
+with just a blessed bart--and we'll let it pass at that."
+
+"No, rat me if I will," says I, pretending to be angry.  "I'll have my
+earldom, or I'll have nothing at all."
+
+"But surely a bart's good enough for anybody," says the farmer, fully
+entering, as he supposed, into the humour of the thing.  "Why, I
+wouldn't mind being a bart mysen.  Come, let it go at a bart, my lad.
+Yes, I'll pass you at a bart out of respect for your fisticuffs, but
+between you and me I don't think my old mis'ess will."
+
+"No," says I, "'od's blood!  I will not be a bart as you call it.  I
+will be the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John Plowden-Pleydell,
+Fifth Earl of Tiverton, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter,
+or I will be nothing at all."
+
+"Very well, then," says the farmer perfunctorily, "since that is your
+humour, we'll have it at that.  But wait till I announce your title to
+my old mis'ess, and hear what she's got to say about it.  And this
+little wench--pretty little wench, I'll allow--she's daughter to my
+lord the Duke of who?"
+
+"To my lord the Duke of Salop," says I, importantly, dwelling on each
+syllable of her title for the jest's sake, "and you can call her my
+Lady Cynthia Mary Jane Carew."
+
+"Dom'd if I don't then," says he.  "And here come the clean clouts and
+the warm water.  Here, Jenny, put them down there for his lordship and
+her ladyship.  And we'll leave his lordship and her ladyship to do
+their dressing, and then they'll please condescend to honour our humble
+meal.  Now, then, my girl, off with you below; and how dare you have
+the impertinence to stand grinning there like a Cheshire cat, before my
+lord and my lady, too!"
+
+With a great guffaw for the honour of his own wit, the farmer left us
+to our much-needed toilets.  The reflections with which we made them
+would have served a philosopher of the kidney of my grandfather, for
+instance, for a monstrous fine homily on the true value of rank and
+title.  What were they worth when enclosed in a suit of homespun?  They
+required all the appurtenances with which they are hedged about in the
+public mind to be of any value whatever.  It seemed that a lord derived
+the consideration of the world from his silk stockings and the congees
+of his servants--not from any intrinsic merits within himself; and it
+was with this trite reflection that I looked in the hand-glass, and
+smiled in something of a cynical manner at the unredeemed villainy of
+the countenance that I found there.  A lively scrubbing did a little
+for it, it is true, but that could not obliterate the traces of my
+recent bout with the farmer, nor the growth of beard upon my chin, nor
+enhance the rude, ill-fitting clothes in which my friend the Jew had,
+as it seemed, so effectually disguised me.  Cynthia, however, who had
+the true feminine ingenuity in these matters, having washed her face
+and trimmed up her curls a little--Lord knows how!--contrived to make a
+very much better appearance in the role of the duke's daughter than
+ever I was like to do in that of the noble wearer of the Order of the
+Garter.  When we were sufficiently furbished to think of going down to
+that delicious meal, in which the greater part of our thoughts were
+centred, says I as we descended:
+
+"Remember now, we are under no alias whatever.  I am my lord, and you
+are my lady."
+
+"But surely," says Cynthia, who in so many ways had the true feminine
+imperviousness to the whimsicality of things, "is this not the very
+height of imprudency?  If we leave evidences behind us at every place
+at which we tarry we shall be certainly taken in three days."
+
+"Rest content," says I, "they will never inquire in out-of-the-way
+places of this sort.  In dangerous places we can still be incognito.
+But do you not see the cream of this affair is that our real names are
+the best disguises we can wish to have?  We are far less likely to be
+recognized by them than any we might adopt."
+
+It was with this conviction that we came in to breakfast, and
+confronted the farmer and his wife.  Determined to play up to my part,
+I bowed to the farmer's wife with a most sweeping air, as though she
+were a woman of the first fashion, and I made her as gracious a speech
+as I could possibly make.  There were a thousand apologies in it, and a
+great many compliments to her, her husband, her kitchen, and more
+sincerely, the hot meal we were dying to partake of.  I did it with all
+the breeding I could summon, and to see such ceremony issuing from so
+common not to say low a person, dumbfounded the good wife so
+completely, that even her powers of speech forsook her.  She blinked,
+and nodded her head, and fidgeted this way and that; and when little
+Cynthia, taking her cue from me, curtsied to her with the best grace of
+a lady-in-waiting to her most gracious Majesty, as indeed the naughty
+miss was destined to be, the poor goodwife was so taken by confusion
+that she trod on the cat, and the cat I doubt not would have knocked
+over the dish of bacon on the hearth in its fright, had not I, in
+anticipation of some such disaster, very gallantly interposed between
+them.
+
+The farmer himself, although equally at a loss to reconcile our manners
+with our appearance and presence in that place, was evidently too much
+of a lover of his joke to let the occasion pass.
+
+"Oh, I forgot to tell you, wife," says he, "that these are a lady and
+gentleman of the first nobility.  You would run on so when they first
+came in that you gave me no chance of saying who they were.  Just tell
+the mis'ess, my lord, who your lordship and her ladyship may be, for I
+domm'd if I don't forget."
+
+This I did with a good deal of unction, for seeing what a comic effect
+our manners had had on the good woman, our names in all probability
+would have one still more singular.  This proved to be the case, for no
+sooner had I, with much apologetic modesty for the circumstances which
+had impelled me to it, played the herald to my fair companion and
+myself, than our hostess became the victim of an even more remarkable
+nervousness, and grew as apologetic on her part as she had been
+cross-grained before.
+
+"La," says she, "I can never forgive my husband for not having told me.
+To think you should honour us by sitting down in our humble
+farm-kitchen to our humble fare, and you should be treated so unseemly!
+But it is so like my husband not to have told me.  La, will your
+lordship have ale, or does your lordship prefer to take a little
+claret-wine of a morning?  We have it, although it is not on the table.
+Jenny, go this minute and fetch the claret-wine for his lordship."
+
+It seemed that our hostess having got over the first shock of our
+identity, proposed to match our breeding with some of her own.  She
+began to use a high clipping tone that she evidently kept for company,
+and became so assiduous in the attentions she paid us, and so heedful
+of our wants, that we profited vastly by her credulity, if that is the
+right name to apply to it.  Her husband, however, was not so lightly to
+be imposed upon, as he was at pains to show.  At every polite effort
+put forward by his wife, he counteracted it by a wink or a cough, or a
+chuckle, or a snigger.  And he put the handles to our names in such a
+voice of banter as greatly distressed his wife, who continued to
+overpower us with her civilities.  At last, says she:
+
+"Your lordship and your ladyship must really excuse my husband.  He is
+a very good honest man to be sure," here she sank her voice to a
+mysterious whisper, "but he is a little vulgar and low-bred in these
+things, although," with a still lower voice and more mystery, "I would
+not have him hear me say it for the world.  You see he is not come of
+so good a family as I am.  His folk were a little vulgar and low-bred
+too, and people said at the time that for all his farm and his prize
+heifers it was the last thing to be expected that a person like me
+would ever marry him.  Ah, well, I suppose it is always a mistake to
+marry out of one's station, although to be sure no one could have a
+kinder, better husband.  But your lordship and your ladyship follow me,
+do you not?  He almost makes me blush for his manners, that he do."
+
+"My dear madam," says I, "I am sure we both feel for you from the
+bottom of our hearts, and understand the occasion perfectly."
+
+And could there have been a prettier comedy?  First we had had the
+husband apologizing for the wife, and now we had the wife apologizing
+for the husband.  Lord knows whether she allowed us to be what we were
+or not, but she certainly entertained us to a royal breakfast.  Two
+famished people never sat down to a finer meal in this world than the
+one we partook of.  And when we left our honest but wonderfully
+ill-assorted host and hostess, about nine of the clock in the morning
+to continue on our way, we were most handsomely fortified in mind and
+body.
+
+As we passed from the farmyard and struck into the fields the sun was
+showing handsomely, and the thrushes were singing their lusty notes.
+It was as fine a spring morning as the heart could desire.  The
+virginal airs played on our faces; the birds called to one another from
+hedge to tree; the little lambs frisked among the white daisies in the
+meads, as hand-in-hand we took our way again.  We still had no clear
+idea as to whither we were going.  But we were mightily content
+wherever our way might lead.  The sense we had of our liberty was a
+something we had never tasted before.  Had we not cast off the trammels
+of the world?  We could begin life again; and be whom we chose.  We
+were a pair of unknown persons, moving among unknown people in unknown
+places.  Every hour we passed in these solitudes of nature had
+something of the glamour of romance invested in it.  For we did not
+know how our next meal would be come by, or what would be the next
+shelter for our weary heads when nightfall overtook us.  But we cared
+not.  We were in the crisp, free, open air, snuffing the sunshine, and
+trampling across a carpet of flowers over hill and dale, while the
+spring birds sang.
+
+I think we were too desperately happy to talk much.  Cynthia was
+radiant, and as light of foot and heart as the birds that called to us
+from the green hedges.  The words of an appropriate ballad were on her
+lips:
+
+  When Strephon wooed his Chloe dear,
+  All in the springtime of the year.
+
+And I took the infection of her spirits also, I was sensible, ere we
+had walked a mile, of a frank, jovial, devil-may-care lightheartedness,
+not so fresh and buoyant as my little one's perhaps, since I had lived
+a little longer, had therefore had the brightness of my youth more
+overlaid with the rust of the world, and had a greater weight of
+responsibility, more particularly for her, upon my shoulders.  It was
+little I felt it, however.  For suddenly as we walked in these sweet
+fields, an idea was born in my mind that banished everything except the
+thrill of joy it brought.
+
+"My prettiness," says I, "we could not wish for a perfecter wedding
+morning."
+
+"That we could not," says she, so promptly that it struck me she had
+been expecting some such suggestion from me.  Her blushes were
+adorable, it is true, but I believe they were more a matter of instinct
+than the offspring of any particular commotion in her bosom.
+
+"Wilt marry me, pretty one," says I, "at the first church we come to,
+that hath a snug parsonage sitting in honeysuckle beside it?"
+
+"Ay, that I will," says she, cocking up her thin with an archness of
+invitation that was not to be denied.
+
+I suppose it was that the adventures we had already had together had
+given us the most perfect understanding of one another.  There was a
+feeling of proprietorship between us; and had not each given up
+everything in life for the other's sake?
+
+"My dear," says I, feeling that a little sentiment would not come amiss
+this rare spring morning, "I hope you have realized what I have to
+offer you.  I have but my blasted reputation, my destitute condition,
+my debts, my crimes, my prostituted name.  This is all the estate that
+a very humble, constant heart is endowed with."
+
+"They will serve," says Cynthia simply.  "If you were the wickedest man
+in England, and by your own account you are not far removed from that
+state, it would be the same.  It is not for what you be that I like
+you; it is for what I think you to be."
+
+"If it comes to that," says I, "I don't suppose it is me at all you
+care for.  It is not myself you are in love with, nor my virtues, nor
+my vices, nor my hair, my eyes, my clothes, my understanding, nor
+anything that is mine.  You are at that romantical instant of your
+womanhood when you have fallen in love with the name of love.  If
+instead of a man I were a tame white mouse, or a bob-tailed rabbit, or
+a bull-calf you would invest me with all the pretty fancies that are
+running in your head, so that the reflection in your mind would yet be
+the one that you most wished to see.  But a truce to philosophy, let us
+to church."
+
+Cynthia was so evidently of my mind in this last particular that she
+laughed, and resumed the singing of her ballad, as we strode out the
+brisker for our intercourse.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE LEARNING
+IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS.
+
+As we took our way through the grass of a most charming flower-coated
+country, there was a kind of rivalry between us as to who should be the
+first to spy a church.  The honour of doing so had not fallen to either
+of us, when Cynthia suddenly darted from the path to pick some white
+violets out of a hedge.
+
+"Why," says she, in the delight of finding them, "we will make
+ourselves a posy apiece to carry with us to church, as it is our
+wedding morning.  Oh, look at the marsh-marigolds at the side of the
+brook there!"
+
+She gave me the violets to hold, with some injunction as to the correct
+manner of holding them, for my handling of them was much too crude to
+please her, and ran away again to fetch the pretty yellow flowers.  All
+sorts of things she gathered for our nosegays, lady-smocks all silver
+white from the meadow, and daisies pied and violets blue, cowslips and
+even a blue-bell.  Nothing would content her but that we should make
+them up into posies there and then; which we did, and bound them round
+with grasses.  But hardly had we finished this pastoral employment and
+continued on our way, when we became the victims of a singular
+diversion.  We passed out of one meadow over a stile into another of a
+similar kind.  But in the second a few cows were browsing.  To these we
+paid no heed, but walked jauntily enough through the pasture,
+apprehending no danger; but by the time we had come perhaps to the
+middle of the field we were startled by a commotion behind us.  Turning
+round to discover whence it arose, we were horrified to find what the
+source of it was.  A young bull with its head grounded and its tail in
+the air was charging down upon us.  A single exclamation and a
+frightened instant of hesitation in which to take our bearings, and
+evolve a mode of escape, was all we had time for.  The bull was coming
+so furiously that it was almost upon us, yet we were stranded full in
+the middle of the field, with no chance whatever of taking refuge in
+flight.  But happily my eye lit on a tree, a sturdy young sapling a
+yard or two off.  Thither I pushed the terrified Cynthia, and literally
+lifted her into one of the lower branches, whilst she, with an
+admirable conception of the case and how to act in it, scrambled with a
+mighty rending of her garments into the boughs above.  I clambered
+after her madly, not a second too soon.  The vigorous snorting young
+bull crashed his horns against the tree with great force.  He was so
+near to my leg that I instinctively felt it to be gashed wide open;
+whilst such a mighty shake did its impact give to our place of refuge
+that it was indeed a mercy we were not both of us thrown on to the
+ground to be gored and trampled on.  But despite our fright we were
+able to cling to the branches; and when at last I was able to get a
+glimpse of my leg, I found to my relief that I had been the victim of
+my imagination.
+
+The bellowing beast made divers onslaughts against the bark of the
+tree, whilst we very fearfully hurried up higher and higher, dreading
+at each stroke of our enemy to feel ourselves flying through the air.
+Providentially, however, by clinging with rare tenacity to our vantage
+place we were able to maintain ourselves in the security of the highest
+branches of all.  And presently our adversary having wreaked a good
+deal of his fury on the offending tree, desisted from an occupation
+that brought him so little profit, and having walked off a yard or two,
+proceeded to regard us morosely.  He seemed prepared to stay in that
+employment too for an indefinite period.  But feeling our position,
+snug as it was and safe for the time being, to be yet highly
+precarious, since the very boughs on which we sat swayed and cracked
+and creaked in a truly alarming fashion, I determined to play a coup,
+ere any melancholy thing should happen which would put it out of my
+power to play one.
+
+Divesting myself with much difficulty of my cloak, although Cynthia
+rather audaciously, considering her own position at the time, lent me a
+hand, I committed that garment to her charge, and proceeded to select
+the most favourable moment for a speedy flight to the nearest hedge.
+Keeping perfectly motionless in our unhappy posture, we presently
+contrived to lull the unsuspecting bull into a state of quiescence
+which I am sure he would have been the first to admit, had he but
+known, the circumstances hardly warranted.  For suddenly taking an
+advantage of his sleeping vigilance, I made a leap off the tree as far
+as possible from the spot on which he stood watching.  It was then a
+case of run devil, run baker.  I'm sure no poor devil ever ran more
+fleetly than I did then; whilst I am equally sure that there never was
+a baker in this world that ran more swiftly than that roaring,
+rampageous bullock.  Luckily for my precious bones I had a fair good
+start of the fellow, and the distance to the hedge was less than a
+hundred yards.  Had it been otherwise this history had never been
+written else, for not for a moment do I think Cynthia would ever have
+troubled to write it; nor between ourselves, do I think she would ever
+have been capable of doing so, even had her ambition jumped in that
+direction.  Running pell-mell, my heart beating holes in my ribs, and
+the clear tones of Mrs. Cynthia issuing from the topmost branches of
+the tree in words of lusty encouragement such as: "Bravo, lad, bravo!
+Mightily done!" I panted to the hedge with the bull ever at my heels,
+and had just the strength to take a second leap at the green brambles,
+and half jump, half scramble through their tenacious barriers, and so
+into the neighbouring field, while the bull, foiled for the second
+time, raged and vented his disappointment from the other side.
+
+Meanwhile little Cynthia, with a delightful intrepidity, also took
+advantage of our enemy.  While Mr. Bull continued to thrust his head at
+the hedge in his mighty rage, and roared forth his threats,
+high-couraged little Cynthia, if you please, very simply and
+dexterously dropped down my cloak out of the tree, neatly dropped down
+after it, and then with the most gallant coolness gathered herself up
+again, the cloak too, and even stayed to recover our late discarded
+posies, which the bull had evidently thought too mean to be worthy of
+his regard.  With these articles tucked away in one hand, she gathered
+her skirts in the other, and away scudded her dainty ankles through the
+grass to the opposite fence.  All this time the bull, foiled and
+nonplussed as he was, continued to fume and rush at the fence that kept
+him from me, but never for an instant did he guess that Cynthia was in
+the act of cheating him too.
+
+Convinced by this that my little one had made good her escape, I could
+not restrain my joy.  I began to jump and clap my hands, and bellow out
+hearty encouragements and applause to her across the field.  This
+behaviour so surprised the bull, that he whisked angrily round to
+discover the cause of it.  He beheld Cynthia in the very height of her
+rapid victorious transit.  Away he dashed, head down, in pursuit of
+her, but she was much too well advanced in her flight to have any fear
+of him whatever.  By the time he had come level with the tree, Cynthia
+was calmly climbing into security over the stile; and when the
+outwitted animal rushed up and thrust his nose over it, she tauntingly,
+if a trifle vain-gloriously, shook the cloak and the posies at him.
+Never, I think, did I see an act more neatly or more bravely performed.
+
+When we came presently together again in the middle of an adjoining
+field, a sort of half-way house from where the bull had respectively
+left us, we were both in high feather and mightily pleased with
+ourselves and one another.
+
+"I declare," says I, "that hunting the fox becomes a tame and foolish
+sport by comparison.  In all my amusements, from cards to
+cudgel-playing, I was never furnished, I'll swear, with so entertaining
+an episode.  Besides, I am vastly proud of your conduct this morning,
+my prettiness.  Come, let us waste not a moment; I am dying to get
+married at once."
+
+The deep crimson in Cynthia's cheeks, that her late eminent exertions
+had induced, lent her even more of an adorable appearance than even I
+had ever observed in her.  And when she tossed me my cloak, and gravely
+gave one of the posies into my hands, I think I never saw the eyes of a
+woman beam with such mirth and high spirits.  Flushed and breathless as
+we were, no two human persons could possibly have been happier.
+Already our haphazard, vagrant life had proved the antidote of that
+weariness of the world, that fatigue of mind and body, the chains of
+polite life had induced.  Already we had come to take a fraternal
+pride, as it were, in one another.  We no longer had to apprehend how
+we should get through the day without perishing of weariness, but
+rather how to pass it without perishing of hunger and violence.  And we
+were revealing such unexpected qualities to ourselves and each other in
+overcoming these calamities that we were falling in love anew with our
+own heroic attributes, and were already prepared to vow to one another
+that we were a monstrous well-assorted pair.  Indeed, the foolish bull
+had given us such a fine conceit of ourselves, that on the score of the
+hour of high-wrought happiness he brought us, he must, I am sure, be
+allowed after all to be our friend.
+
+A good deal of walking through the blossoming fields brought us at last
+on to a good broad highway, and a little later having climbed up a
+hill, we saw from the top of it the thing we were seeking.  A village
+nestled below, and very properly the tallest roof among the collection
+that clustered there together, and by far the most imposing object of
+them all, was a sweet little country church, grey with age, surrounded
+by a low stone wall whose crannies were filled with moss.  Approaching
+it we were overjoyed to find that a pretty little parsonage stood
+beside it, which in every particular matched the quaint and venerable
+appearance of the church itself.  But no sooner had we come to the
+latticed gate of the parson's house than our pleasure fled suddenly
+away.  We had been bold enough in the contemplation of the deed, and
+had even been disposed to treat it airily.  Yet when our fingers fell
+on the parson's latch, we were suddenly confronted with its magnitude.
+We were going to be married!
+
+Now although I had started from town not twelve hours before as cynical
+and desperate a character as any to be found, the humane influences
+that had been brought to bear upon me, even in that short period, had
+not been without their effect.  I began to see things in their true
+relation once again, and even to be sensible of feelings I had so long
+outlived that I almost forgot that I had ever known them.  For
+instance, the emotion of timidity that overtook me at the parson's
+gate, I could have sworn I had never met with before in my life.  The
+uncomfortable sense of the bashful business to follow caused me to
+falter with my hand still at the latch, and to parley with Cynthia.
+
+"I think you had better go first, my prettiness," says I seductively,
+"I don't doubt that you will make a better hand of it than I, and you
+will have a better knowledge of how to talk to the parson.  I am so
+devilish unused to talking to parsons, d'ye see."
+
+"Oh, yes, I quite see that," says Cynthia significantly, "and I also
+see that you are afraid."
+
+"I dare say you might have shot wider of the truth," says I.  "It is
+the first time I have been called on to smell this kind of powder, and
+burn me! if ever I want to be called on again."
+
+"I hope you won't be," says Cynthia.
+
+She herself, I must confess, was as cool as a cucumber.  Her colour was
+a little high perhaps, and the animation in her eyes was, I think, more
+than usually fine.  But take her altogether, she seemed to have all the
+calmness and assurance of an old campaigner, whilst I was wincing and
+starting like a raw recruit.  They say that all women are alike in
+this.  They go to church as complacently as they go to Ranelagh, and
+take as keen an enjoyment from the reading of the marriage service as
+they do in the performance of the Italian dancers at the theatre in
+Covent Garden.  And it is said again that never a man of us all,
+whatever his years, disposition and ideas, comes to this ceremony but
+what he is beset with those same qualms that fastened upon me so
+unexpectedly at the parson's gate.
+
+When we walked up the pretty garden and came to the door of the
+parson's house, it was Cynthia who unhesitatingly knocked upon it.  But
+the operation had to be repeated ere it was replied to.  And when at
+last the door was drawn back from within we were confronted by a stout,
+red-faced woman in a gown of printed calico.  Her sleeves were rolled
+up above the elbow, her cap and apron were awry, and there was a look
+of industrious ill-temper about her that contributed nothing to our
+encouragement.  She stuck her hands on her hips, filled the whole of
+the doorway with her defiant presence, very like the dragon in the
+fable that barred the way to the princess in the enchanted palace, and
+surveyed us in a grimly critical fashion from top to toe.
+
+"Is the parson at home?" says the audacious Cynthia.
+
+"He be!" says the woman in a loud, harsh voice.
+
+"We wish to see him then, if you please," says Cynthia.
+
+"What might your business be?" says the woman, looking us all over with
+a really disconcerting keenness.
+
+"I think we must explain that to the parson himself," says Cynthia.
+
+"Then I think you will not then," says the woman, mighty uncivilly.
+"I've formed my own opinion of you.  You shall not see the master, not
+if I know it.  He's got such a character for softness of heart all
+about the countryside that you vagrant beggars come for miles to get
+what you can out of him.  It's mortal lucky he's got me to look after
+him, or he would have given away the shirt off his back this many a
+year ago."
+
+It was impossible to deny that the good woman's estimate of our station
+and business was shrewd enough.  We were certainly a pair of vagrants,
+if ever there was a pair in the world, and were certainly come to get
+something of the parson that we had no means of requiting him for.  And
+I am sure neither of us, singly or together, would have stood a chance
+of melting that adamantine bosom, since everything we said seemed more
+clearly to reveal our humble not to say destitute condition; indeed we
+had come to the point where this clergyman's uncompromising guardian
+was about to bang the door in our faces, when the parson himself made a
+very welcome intervention.
+
+He came shuffling along the path from some remote part of the vicarage
+garden, in a pair of old down-trodden carpet slippers, wearing over an
+old-fashioned wig a beaver grotesquely battered and green with age.
+His cassock hung in tatters at his heels, and he made about as unkempt
+and disreputable a figure of a clergyman as it was possible to
+conceive.  Besides, he was a very small and insignificant rat of a
+fellow, and had a strange odd way of peering through his horn
+spectacles.  But the moment he began to speak such a pleasant twinkle
+of courtesy came into his ugly countenance--by itself it was plain to
+the point of ugliness, although to this day Cynthia will never allow it
+to be so--and his voice was so wondrous musical, that straightway we
+forgot that he had such a singular appearance, and fell in love with
+him.
+
+"A very good morning to you," says he.  "I hope you are drinking in
+this golden morning that God hath sent us.  Hey, what a thing it is to
+be a human being!"
+
+As he came up and observed Cynthia more closely, he, bowed with a
+wonderful grave dignity, and took off his hat with a flourish that
+became him most inimitably well.  Such courtesy from an appearance so
+discourteous never was seen.
+
+"La, master, what be you at?" says the woman, highly scandalized by so
+polite a demeanour.  "Do you not see these are an arrant pair of
+vagrant beggars?  I must get you more artful spectacles if you will
+stay so close at your book-reading."
+
+"Peace, my good Blodgett," says the parson.  "Do you think I do not
+know breeding when I see it?  It is a rare possession that nothing can
+disguise.  There is sensibility here, in this fair countenance, and
+pride and candour, and the features are almost highly classical in
+their outline.  A little too full in the lips perhaps, yes, I think a
+little too full, or this would have been the countenance of Minerva
+with the animation of Diana in it.  I must remind you again, my good
+Blodgett, that appearances are apt to deceive; _non semper ea sunt qu�
+videntur_, as the excellent Ph�drus has so wisely said.  You will do me
+the honour, I hope, my dear young lady, of entering my house and
+partaking of a glass of my gooseberry-wine and of eating a piece of
+Banbury cake.  And you, sir, also, I hope and trust; although in your
+case the credentials you bear in your countenance are nothing like so
+noteworthy.  But as Plautus very pertinently asks, _non soles respicere
+te_, to look at oneself ere one abuses another, the less said the
+sooner we shall mend it, _tulum silentii pr�mium_.  Come this way, I
+beg you."
+
+During this peroration poor Blodgett wrung her hands and shook her
+head, and kept repeating some such mystical phrase as:
+
+"He is off at the top again!  He is off at the top again!"
+
+However, this strange old parson, all unconscious of the distress of
+mind he was occasioning his handmaid or housekeeper, or whatever she
+might call herself, flowed on and on in his extraordinary monologue,
+and led us indoors into a spacious room full of a remarkable disorder
+of books, which doubtless composed his library.  Books open and shut,
+piled up and overlaid, were on the table, and under the table, on the
+chairs, and on the floor.  Any square inch of space wherein a book
+might insinuate itself, there was a book to be found.  Dusty,
+black-letter, grimy Aldine, foxed Elzevir, any folio, quarto, or
+octavo, providing it was old enough and dirty enough, was assembled
+there.  Those that lay open seemed to be annotated and scored under,
+and embellished with marginal notes in a delicate minute handwriting,
+on every page.  And among all these tomes there was never a one that
+was in a new dress, or done in a reasonable easy print, nor one written
+by a reasonably modern author.  To observe the _Paradise Lost_, with
+the imprint of Jacob Tonson upon it, was to be startled with that sense
+of gratified surprise that one would experience at unexpectedly meeting
+with a personal friend in a foreign country.
+
+The parson was an odd match to his books.  His conversation was as
+musty, learned and interminable as themselves.  He talked of all topics
+but those that could have been of the least interest to anybody.  He
+never thought to ask who we were, or what business had brought us
+thither, but having lured us into his library, he very vigorously began
+to engage us with matters at least a thousand years old.  We were very
+polite at first, and nodded our heads in deep interest at the mention
+of the first Punic war, and kept saying, "Ah, to be sure!" and
+inserting "yes" and "oh yes" whenever we found half a chance to get in
+so much in the middle of some animadversions he thought fit to make on
+the behaviour of the Carthaginians generally.  But when proceeding to
+move with an air of great mystery and consequence to topics of the most
+inconsequent character, and presently to prove to us that in his
+opinion the battle of Cann�, or it may have been Marathon, or the siege
+of Troy for aught we knew or cared, was not so important and decisive
+an affair as the historians of these times had represented, our
+observance of a polite interest showed signs of giving out.
+
+We might shuffle, however, and shift our stations, and cough, and take
+our weight off our right leg and lean it on our left, but it never made
+one bit of difference to this terrible monologue.  The old parson, with
+his eyes half closed and his hands spread forth, poured out the finest
+prose in his mellifluous voice, with every period rounded to such a
+perfection that had he been a historian and his speech a printed page
+the world could never have sufficiently admired his attainments.  And
+every emphasis and quantity seemed so indubitably exact in the
+classical tongues he so freely quoted, as must have made him the envy
+of pedagogues and the paragon among them all.  And all this time we
+were striving to maintain our well-bred interest as best we might, and
+inwardly cursed Rome and Greece and the whole race of poets, historians
+and soldiers that ever sprang from them.
+
+His mind was filled with a vast deal of knowledge of a recondite sort.
+It could have been of no possible service to anybody, least of all to
+himself.  Yet he moved lightly and easily from one antediluvian topic
+to others more antediluvian still.  He was armed with a great array of
+theories of no moment at all, and a matchless sheaf of facts that
+proved and disproved and proved them over again.  How weary we became!
+How we fidgeted and looked at one another in our despair, for he grew
+more minute as he proceeded, and called up, extempore, authority upon
+authority to show that Lais was a woman of virtue, and that Virgil did
+not write his own works.  He split straws with Aristotle, and picked
+holes in his Ethics.  He said that Cicero was a windbag, and that Plato
+was a dunce.  He said that Herodotus was loose in his facts, and no
+more worthy of credence than Plutarch, and that Plutarch was not a whit
+better than Herodotus neither.  He said that Homer was the biggest
+impostor in history.  He had nothing to do with the _Iliad_, whilst as
+for the _Odyssey_, he had long come at the truth that it was by a
+female hand, most probably one of the Hesperides, though to be sure he
+had not quite satisfied himself as to which, just as the plays of the
+poet Shakespeare would one day be allowed to be the handiwork of Lord
+Bacon, the eminent lawyer and philosopher; and again, as the world,
+purblind as it was, would one day discover that Mr. Fielding's
+so-called novel of _Joseph Andrews_ had sprung from the fertile brain
+of Mr. Colley Gibber.  Indeed I was so fearful lest he should take
+steps to disprove my grandfather's claims to have produced his
+celebrated Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_, that I became
+quite desperate, and determined to put a stop to the unceasing current
+of his talk, even at the risk of making a hole in my good manners.
+Having reached a point in his discourse wherein he showed that C�sar
+did not cross the Rubicon, I slapped my hand on the table with a vigour
+that knocked down half-a-score of tomes and startled everything and
+everybody but the speaker himself; and, says I, at the top of my
+heartiest voice:
+
+"I quite agree with you there, sir; I do indeed."
+
+"I presume, sir," says the parson, "you know the authorities there are
+against us, and what adversaries of weight, C�sar himself, Suetonius,
+and Plutarch, to name only three, that we have to face."
+
+"I care not if there are three thousand," says I valiantly, "in this
+matter I am entirely of your mind."
+
+The parson, whose simplicity was as great as his learning, grasped my
+hand with the utmost fervour.
+
+"My dear sir," says he, "I can never sufficiently extol your spirit.
+It is excellently said, sir, excellently said.  Would that there were
+more persons like you in the world.  I can but offer you some
+gooseberry-wine and a piece of Banbury cake, but I am sure you are very
+welcome.  I do declare that Blodgett has forgotten them; I will go and
+see about them myself."
+
+At last in the very height of our sufferings we obtained in this truly
+unexpected, not to say whimsical fashion, a brief instant of relief.
+It was plain that this learned wight was possessed of a mind of the
+most singular simplicity and inconsequence.  Everything that was told
+him he took for gospel.  He had the faith of a child.  Everything that
+had the least interest for himself he felt that all men were
+languishing to hear of.  With him evidently to think was to act; he was
+the slave of his own whims; no sooner did he mention a thing than he
+went straightway and performed it.
+
+The prospects of being united in the bonds of wedlock by so
+extraordinary a gentleman were indeed remote; but armed with the
+knowledge of his character we had already gained, we concluded that if
+we beat about the bush at all, he would be quite content for his own
+part to detain us a "month of Sundays" in his library, while he
+unfolded his facts and propounded his theories.  On his own initiative
+he would not be in the least likely to surrender a single moment to our
+affairs.  We must be bold and decisive, and grapple firmly with him.
+
+Therefore when the good parson returned, preceding the umbrageous
+Blodgett, who bore the Banbury cakes and the gooseberry-wine on a tray,
+before he had the chance to open his mouth to take up his discourse,
+says I, in a truly dramatic manner:
+
+"If it pleases you, sir, we are here, this lady and I, to ask you to
+marry us."
+
+"Marry you," says he, without a moment's reflection.  "I shall be
+delighted.  Blodgett, have the goodness to set down the tray on the top
+of the _De Imitatione_ there and go and find the clerk, and tell him to
+open the church.  And tut, tut! my good woman, how often must I beseech
+you not to dust my books with your sacrilegious apron."
+
+While Mrs. Blodgett flounced out to find the clerk, and the good parson
+in the height of his courtesy poured out the gooseberry-wine and served
+us with it, Cynthia and I fell to talking at the top of our voices
+about nothing at all, since we were certain that as soon as the parson
+got an opportunity he would furnish us with a criticism of Strabo's
+geographies, which, however damaging to that worthy ancient, would be
+even more so to us; or prove that it was a vulgar error to speak of
+Castor as the twin of Pollux; and proceed to demonstrate that Achilles
+was vulnerable in other places than his heel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+WE GET US TO CHURCH
+
+By the time the parson had served us solemnly with our refection, I
+deemed it proper to give him some relation of our circumstances.  I was
+emboldened to do so because his simple, honest character made him easy
+to talk to; it was also essential that he should be let some little way
+into the state of our affairs, since we had but the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny with which to requite him for his services and to vail the
+clerk.  And again I talked to him the more readily because while he was
+engaged with these matters, he was not so likely to revert to those
+that concerned us less.
+
+He received the confessions of our bankrupt condition with a breadth of
+generosity that was truly noble in its magnitude.
+
+"I am grieved that you should have thought fit to name that matter,"
+says he.  "What a world it is for pounds, shillings, and pence, to be
+sure!  One cannot come into it, nor go out of it, nor even enter into a
+highly natural and commendable contract for its advantage, but what
+somebody has to be feed.  And I blush to say that that somebody is
+generally some old rogue of a parson; but I hope, sir, you agree with
+Tully when he says----"
+
+"Yes, sir," says I hastily, "I quite agree with Tully, I have ever been
+of Tully's opinion.  And, sir, let me say that we are overcome with
+your generosity.  But there is yet another matter that irks us; we have
+no ring by which we can be wed into matrimony."
+
+"An even more trivial thing," says the parson, "the good Blodgett,
+honest widow that she is, shall lend you hers."
+
+It was bravely resolved of the parson, but I dare swear we both
+shuddered at the same instant, when we conceived of the courage
+required to put it into practice.  To think of us "vagrant beggars"
+summoning that redoubtable dragon to deliver up her marriage ring!  It
+would be perilously like commanding an ogre to cut off his own head.
+I'll vow that Cynthia trembled a little; whilst she goes even farther
+and says I grew as pale as death.
+
+"Do you think, sir," said Cynthia fearfully, "that good Mrs. Blodgett
+will be so kind?"
+
+"She will be delighted, my dear madam," says the parson.  "She will be
+delighted!"
+
+We were still wrestling with our honest doubts on the score of Mrs.
+Blodgett's delight, when lo and behold! that formidable fair burst into
+the room, redder in the face than ever, for she was out of breath.  She
+had seen the clerk, and he had gone that minute to open the door of the
+church.  And she conveyed this piece of news in such a brisk and
+important tone as seemed a good deal out of keeping with her severity
+of character.  She had an air of interest which we had certainly not
+expected her to betray in our humble affairs.  And when the parson
+without a word of preface had the audacity to prefer his proposal in
+regard to the ring she bore on her finger, an audacity that caused us
+both to hold our breaths, since we were fully persuaded that Blodgett
+would at least break into a most violent diatribe against the impudence
+of some people, drawing an affecting parallel with the late departed
+saint whose relict she was, and how wild horses should not tear her and
+this venerable sanctified token of their marital harmony apart, to our
+surprise her reply was mercifully brief.
+
+"Humph!" says she.  Having glanced at us for a very embarrassing
+period, during which time a good deal of perplexity distorted her harsh
+features, says she: "Well, I never did!  Is it a runaway?"
+
+"You can take it at that," says I.
+
+A very singular change was being wrought in this stern matron.  Where
+is the female bosom that can resist a wedding, or a touch of the
+romantical?  Not even that of the Spartan Blodgett.  The more she
+pondered the matter in hand the less terrible she became.  She began to
+ask a dozen questions of us in a greatly mollified voice.  Nay, the
+tone she used to Cynthia might even be called indulgent.
+
+"Well," says she, "seeing as how it is an emergency, you shall have my
+ring this once, but it goes against my conscience, I am sure.  You are
+doing a very wicked thing, young woman.  To think of a little chit like
+you running away to get married!  I am sure I ought not to countenance
+it.  Oh, what will your mother say?"
+
+"I have not a mother," says Cynthia, putting her hands to her eyes, and
+smiling at me through her fingers.
+
+This admission seemed considerably to ease the mind of Mrs. Blodgett,
+and forthwith she began wrestling with the wedding-ring on her fat
+finger.  In the meantime her master was very fortunately engrossed in
+another matter, and we were therefore spared his comments.
+
+It seemed that Blodgett had brought him that day's _London Gazette_,
+which had been left by the coach at the village alehouse.  It was the
+newspaper that claimed the parson's attention while his housekeeper
+struggled with her wedding-ring.  I vow it was as whimsical a sight as
+ever was seen to witness the good lady growing redder and redder in her
+face, and puffing, grunting, and twisting her countenance into the most
+fantastical shapes, while she freely "dratted the thing," and called
+down a murrain upon it.  But strive as she might, the precious ring
+still clung faithfully to her finger.  Presently Cynthia was fain to
+take a hand at hauling it off, but she fared not a whit better than
+Mrs. Blodgett.  Whereon I was called on, and after several very natural
+and becoming protestations on my part as to my inability and so forth,
+even I was pressed into the service.  I tugged and hauled away with
+what gravity I might, but never an inch would that wretched ring budge.
+In the height of this deadlock, I was seized with a brilliant expedient.
+
+"One of the rings round the curtain-pole," says I.  "Surely one of them
+will do most admirably well, and at least there will be no difficulty
+about getting it off, nor on neither."
+
+Now when I proffered this suggestion Mrs. Cynthia blushed such a colour
+and looked so ill at ease, that I half began to doubt whether this idea
+was so fine after all.  And indeed, Blodgett took me up warmly.
+
+"Wedded in a curtain-ring indeed!" says she.  "I'facks, that she never
+shall be.  Who ever heard of such a thing!  Has the man no decency!
+Rather than that, my dear, I will run to neighbour Hodge's and borrow
+hers.  As she's a thin body it should slip off easy."
+
+There and then the scandalized Blodgett was as good as her word.
+Favouring me with a glance of such scorn and contempt that a person
+more impressionable would have been rooted to the spot, she flounced
+out of the room all in a moment, and directly afterwards passed by the
+library window, running quite excitedly down the garden path.  Surely a
+whole chapter of dissertation might be written on the metamorphosis of
+Mrs. Blodgett.  From openly deriding Cynthia she had passed to an
+almost motherly tenderness towards her.  She had become as concerned
+for her as though she had been her own daughter.  She was no longer
+"wench," or "vagrant beggar," nay nor even "young woman," but just "my
+dear."  And why was this?  Do you think it was because she had suddenly
+lighted on some latent virtues in my little madam, some strain of moral
+loveliness, some unexpected beauty in her mind and heart?  I am sure I
+crave the pardon of her ladyship, but it was devil a one of these
+things that had such a magic effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  It was simply
+that she had run away to get married, and that this was her wedding
+morning.  Oh, woman, woman! where is the daughter among you that can
+resist the blandishments of Hymen?
+
+While this was going forward, and we were congratulating ourselves in
+secret on the most fortunate course this portentous affair was like to
+take, an incident happened that shook me dreadfully, and recalled to my
+mind much more sharply than I cared, the kind of fortune I was about to
+endow my bride with.  For the time being I had forgotten the colour of
+my reputation, the character of my past, and my black prospects for the
+future, in the cheerful topsy-turvy madness of the last twelve hours.
+But now all of a sudden, in the least expected fashion, I was reminded
+as to who I was, and what I was.  The parson, who all the time had been
+deeply involved in his news-sheet, suddenly cast it down, uttered a
+loud exclamation, and with tears in his honest eyes began striding down
+in his agitation, and knocked down many an unoffending book.
+
+"_O tempera!  O mores!_" says he, "In what degenerate days do we live!
+To think that this should be the grandson of such a grandsire!  No; I
+cannot believe it of him; nay, I will not believe it of him."
+
+You may guess that as there was a grandfather in the case I pricked up
+my ears at once, and on looking at the newspaper saw that which
+confirmed my premonition.  There was a paragraph in the column of
+"Newest Intelligence" that ran in this wise:
+
+"On Tuesday evening in the near neighbourhood of divers well-known
+coffee-and-chocolate-houses in Saint James's Street, Piccadilly, was
+found the body of Mr. Richard Burdock, of His Majesty's 4th Regiment of
+Horse Guards.  The unfortunate gentleman had been done to death by a
+sword-wound in the upper part of the chest.  Precisely in what manner
+the deceased came by his end is not at present known, but we are
+informed that on the following day an information was laid against the
+Earl of Tiverton, a nobleman whose name has been most unhappily
+notorious of late.  A warrant was at once procured for the arrest of
+Lord Tiverton, and on an attempt being made to put it in force at his
+lordship's residence later in the day, a most desperate struggle
+ensued, and his lordship with the assistance of his household succeeded
+in effecting, for the time being, his escape.  We learn, however, that
+the celebrated Mr. John Jeremy of Bow Street has the matter in hand;
+that Mr. Jeremy with his world-famed acumen is in possession of a clue
+as to Lord Tiverton's whereabouts; that Mr. Jeremy is already actively
+following up the same, and that presently an event may transpire that
+shall set all the town by the ears."
+
+I directed Cynthia's attention to this account, and she was so startled
+by it that she changed colour, and offered so many visible evidences of
+her distress, that I feared she would have excited the suspicions of
+the parson, yet after all that must have been an impossible feat, for I
+am sure the honest parson was a man so utterly without guile, that he
+was incapable of harbouring any sort of suspicion against a
+fellow-creature.  Besides he was still fully occupied in lamenting the
+low repute into which our name had fallen, with a grief so genuine that
+I did not know whether to be touched or amused by it.
+
+However, I could not pay much heed to the parson at that minute, being
+deeply concerned for little Cynthia.  I began to fear that I had done
+an ill-considered thing in allowing her to see the news-sheet.  I had
+never tried to find out how far she was acquainted with my history of
+the past few years--my gaming, duels, intrigues and debts.  That she
+must have known of it to some extent was certain.  She had heard of
+them from my own lips in a haphazard sort of way; and again, they were
+too well known to be suppressed, as witness the conduct of her father
+in the matter of my suit.  At his hands, and those of my friends, and
+of my rival too, they would certainly lose nothing of their magnitude.
+Whatever she had heard of me, she had been able to condone.  But now
+confronted with a more circumstantial charge against me, clothed in all
+the authority of black and white, a charge of the most terrible
+character that can be preferred against any person, it came on her with
+a cruel force that almost crushed her down.  She stood faltering, with
+the newspaper still clutched in her hands; her lips trembled, and the
+tears gathered slowly in her eyes.
+
+"I don't believe it," said she, in a low, shaking voice.
+
+She held out her hand, and I, despite the presence of the parson, took
+it to my lips with the same passion with which she had extended it to
+me.  If a man in the midst of all the contumely and detraction of the
+world, can yet get one woman to believe in him, it is enough!
+
+Meantime the parson, whatever he may have thought of our behaviour, not
+that it is altogether certain that he happened to witness it, was so
+strangely ingenuous that he took my little one's distress to spring
+from the same source as his own.  He laid it all to that precious
+Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_!
+
+"Your grief does you honour, my dear madam, allow me to say," says he,
+wiping the memorials of his own from his red eyes.  "It honours you
+vastly.  It is something in this benighted age to know that the
+reverence for polite letters has not yet died out amongst us.  And I,
+on my part, will never be persuaded that the descendant of so noble and
+learned a gentleman, whatever the errors of his youth, could fall into
+an act of such a hideous kind.  I blame the publick press too for
+disseminating such a story.  If it is false, as I believe it to be, oh,
+the pity of it!  But if it should be true, the pity is the greater.
+With your permission, I will destroy this newspaper, lest this
+scandalous thing it contains should come under the eye of Blodgett, and
+she should spread it amongst the village folk."
+
+I protest with all my settled views on life, and my arbitrary way of
+looking at things, I did not know whether to burst out into a shout of
+laughter, or fall a-weeping too, for, ecod! there was an affecting side
+to the affair when our simple old parson tore up the offending
+newspaper in a hundred pieces, all to preserve the fair name of that
+philosopher who had perished of the gout a full thirty years ago.
+
+Cynthia was so greatly shaken, that to defend her from his observation
+I was even moved to indulge in the parson's fondness for the dead
+languages and abstruse theories.  However, I had just induced him to
+quarrel with Cicero on the strength of something that Cicero ought to
+have said and yet had not said at all, when Blodgett returned, bearing
+the ring.
+
+That redoubtable lady observed Cynthia's distress at once, but did not
+put the same construction on it that her master had.
+
+"Very natural to be sure," says she.  "Weddings are strange, exciting
+things, and apt to upset the strongest of us.  I remember the first
+time I went through the ceremony.  I was mortal worried by it."
+
+Mrs. Blodgett having by this time fully entered into the affair, took
+Cynthia in hand.  She insisted that Cynthia should go with her
+upstairs, "to tidy herself like," and be accomplished generally in a
+manner more befitting the occasion.  Indeed so enthusiastic had the
+housekeeper become about it that she even proposed to search for some
+of her own discarded nuptial garments, which she ventured to say with a
+bit of fettling and contriving, a pleat here and a tuck there, Cynthia
+after all might not lack for a wedding-gown.  The conceit of a young
+lady who a week ago had been of the first fashion, appearing as a bride
+in a gown that had once done duty for the admirable Blodgett, convulsed
+me with laughter.  And this behaviour was heightened rather than
+depressed when I recollected that such an attire would consort very
+aptly with the hobnailed appearance of the bridegroom.
+
+During the absence of the ladies upstairs, the parson had the
+forethought to give me a two-shilling-bit, for the purpose of feeing
+the clerk.  I was so struck by this further instance of his generous
+courtesy, that I asked the name of my benefactor, for I swore that I
+would not rest content until I had repaid him.  It seemed that this
+obscure country clergyman bore the name of Scriven.  It is a name as
+far as I can make out, that has not yet come to any eminence in letters
+or the humane arts; nor has it attained to any signal preferment in
+that Church of which it is so true an ornament.  His great learning,
+his simple ingenuous character, his notable generosity, his tenderness
+of heart, his implicit courtesy have never advanced him one step, so
+far as I can gather, in the world's opinion.  For aught I know he is
+still the country parson on his forty pounds or so a year, whilst many
+a sleek old worldling with half of his learning and a tithe of his
+humanity is my lord Bishop riding by in his gilt coach with footmen
+behind it, the recipient of a hundred times more kudos and emolument.
+
+When Cynthia came down again she looked wonderfully spic and span.  Her
+hair had been done into a becoming rustic mode, most admirably neat,
+and showed off its qualities of abundance, gloss and curliness to true
+advantage.  She had not thought fit to call in the aid of Mrs.
+Blodgett's gown it is true, but her own became her as well as another,
+and happily at the same time afforded no index to her degree.  It was a
+plain and simple country dress, sober in hue and severe in its style.
+Yet it fell so exactly into the exquisite lines of her shape, that she
+and the dress became one as it were; and if there was a woman's tailor
+who could have exhibited a lovely figure more artfully than that, she
+must have been good Mrs. Nature herself.  Cynthia, for all her country
+clothes, looked so sweet, arch and dainty too, so much the gentlewoman
+without the affectations that go with _ton_ and "fine," that by their
+absence the breeding that lurked in every inch of her, the carriage of
+her person, slender and small as it was, the set of her head, and the
+cast of her features became more apparent.
+
+These evidences had even an effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  She was mightily
+pleased with her _prot�g�e_.
+
+"I don't know who _you_ are, young man," says she, "and I won't say all
+that's in my mind about you, but I hope you know that you are taking a
+real born lady to wife.  Such white hands I never did see, and such
+pretty ways, saving her presence, as she 'ave too.  You are not a
+quarter good enough, young man, for the likes of her, and just keep
+that in your mind and live up to it.  But I gravely misdoubt me as to
+whether you will, for take you all round you are about as disreppitable
+and low a fellow as ever I saw.  To think that such as you should have
+lured the pretty lamb from her father's house.  But as I've told her,
+it is not yet too late for her to go back again."
+
+Although neither Cynthia nor I was greatly inconvenienced by this crude
+statement of the case, except in the matter of the smiles we strove in
+vain to control, the parson, good, honest man, was not a little
+disconcerted by it.
+
+"Tut, tut!" says he, "my good Blodgett, your tongue runs too fast.
+However excellent the motives may be that inspire you, I could wish you
+had a somewhat less direct manner of expressing them.  I really cannot
+have you intervene between plighted lovers, at the very steps of the
+altar.  And whatever the personality of our young lady, if truth
+compels us to admit that our young gentleman is scarcely so fortunate
+in his physical semblance, I am sure he hath a very nice mind."
+
+With these panegyrics we ultimately got us to church.  Now it is not to
+be expected, I hope, that a man should describe his own nuptials.  If
+there are three acts in his life on which he is the least qualified to
+speak, are not those his birth, his marriage, and his burial?  For in
+not one of them can he testify with any certainty as to whether he went
+through them on his heels or his head.  Besides, I am one who holds
+that there should be a becoming reticence in these things.
+
+I can recall perhaps an empty, musty-smelling church, and the clerk, a
+solemn, unctuous man, with a graveyard cough.  Some little wind of the
+affair had evidently got abroad in the village, owing to the exertions
+of Mrs. Blodgett in quest of the wedding-ring.  Thus the ceremony was
+not so entirely private as we could have wished.  A few women in
+aprons, and some with babes in their arms kept the porch and the
+immediate interior of the church.  It seemed that they did not venture
+to go further owing to their awe of the clerk.  Various ragamuffin
+children of tender years played hide-and-seek round the gravestones and
+their mothers' gowns.  When however the wedding party came along in a
+kind of little procession, they desisted for a minute, and having
+safely seen the parson precede us into the sacred edifice, they put out
+their tongues at Cynthia and myself, and made several references of a
+nature uncomplimentary to us couched in the form of rustic wit.
+
+Mrs. Blodgett had undertaken the office of chief bridesmaid.  She would
+have undertaken that of groomsman too, had I given her the least
+encouragement.  She made an impressive figure at the altar rails, clad
+in a severe black hood; whilst she was quite conscious of her
+conspicuous position, and stood calm and erect in the dignity of her
+infinite experience.  What whispered but animated counsel she proffered
+to Cynthia during the brief period in which we waited for the parson to
+emerge from the vestry, I know not, but I would have given a good deal
+to have been a party to it, for I am sure that if the look on Mrs.
+Cynthia's countenance was any index to its character, it would well
+have been worth setting down in this place.
+
+At the last moment when the tension of our minds was very great, the
+clerk became obstreperous.  He asked parson Scriven in a significant
+undertone for the special licence that was to marry us, as the banns
+had not been put up and cried in church.  Of course we were not
+furnished with anything of the kind.
+
+Parson Scriven, as became his amiable casual character, was not at all
+disconcerted by such an informality.
+
+"Pooh and faugh!" says he.  "Banns and licence, John, stuff and
+nonsense!  Why should an honest couple be hedged about in this way?  If
+they have no licence, upon my soul I will marry them without."
+
+The clerk was scandalized.  The parson, however, would hear no
+argument.  He was not the person to allow his head to interfere with
+the dictates of his heart.
+
+"Parson's main obstinate," said the clerk, scratching his head.  "And I
+do believe he cares no more for law an' regulation than the gypsies on
+the common.  It won't be legal, this won't, but bless you what'll
+parson care!"
+
+So long as we could get this awkward business over we cared as little
+for law and regulation as this singular old clergyman.  Therefore, when
+he disdained the opinions of the clerk, and reiterated his intention to
+marry us, we breathed again.
+
+At last all was ready, and the parson came out of the vestry with his
+book and his gown, and smiled upon us with benevolent self-possession.
+We strung ourselves for the great ordeal.  Yet as a preliminary we were
+confronted with one that we found vastly the more awkward of the two,
+and one that we had not anticipated either.  How we both came to
+overlook it, I know not, unless the palpitation that our minds were in
+was the secret of it.  It had never occurred to us that the parson
+could not marry us unless he was informed of our names.  But when he
+made that very obvious and natural stipulation it came upon us as a
+thunderbolt.  What a pair of arrant fools we were, not to have thought
+of that contingency, and to have provided for it!
+
+When the parson bluntly demanded this of us, we stood staring
+open-mouthed at one another, a pair of zanies.  I pursued a bold
+course, however.  To give our own was out of the question in that
+public place, and more particularly as the newspaper had just
+acquainted the reverend gentleman of my black history.  Therefore, says
+I, with an impudent assurance:
+
+"John Smith and Jane Jones."
+
+"How truly national!" says the officiating clergyman in a rapture of
+sentiment.  "How exquisitely English are these names, to be sure!"
+
+I durst not look at my poor little Cynthia.  But somehow I felt that
+she was trembling and deadly pale, and ready to sink to the ground
+under this humiliation to her native delicacy.  I fear that I was of a
+much coarser grain.  I had suffered too much from the world already to
+be easily bowed with a sense of shame.  "Needs must when the devil
+drives," was a good enough motto for me.  We were in a pretty tight
+corner, and if we ever came out of it at all, we must expect to lose a
+little of our tender skins in doing so.
+
+My little one was most monstrous brave.  Having recovered the
+possession of herself, she set her teeth and went through the thing
+gallantly.  I'faith she was of a good mettle.  In spite of Mrs.
+Blodgett's opinion of my worth, my little miss answered the
+all-important query in such a clear affirmative voice as never was
+heard, and entered into vows of a sort that argued some degree of
+rashness on her part.  Even at the time I was inclined to raise a doubt
+of her ability to be the equal of them.  Nor hath aught subsequently
+transpired to cause me to forego this estimate of the matter.  When we
+had been duly put through these trials, we were led into the vestry to
+write our names in the marriage register.
+
+"Oh, Jack," whispers Cynthia, as we went, "whatever shall we do?  I am
+sure it cannot be legal."
+
+"I am sure I don't know," says I.  "What a folly of mine not to have
+thought of it sooner!"
+
+"It was my place to think of it," says Cynthia.  "The folly is mine."
+
+"No, not at all," says I.  "What have you to do with it, a chit as you
+are?  The folly is mine, I tell you."
+
+"Then I tell you it's not," says Cynthia flatly, and stamping her
+petulant shoe on the very steps of the altar.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR
+
+I am sure it is expected of me to improve this occasion with a few sage
+remarks, for could anything have been more ominous to the prosperity of
+our married life?  But I hope I have too much chivalry in me to say to
+what extent this evil presage has been borne out since, and I dare Mrs.
+Cynthia to do so.  _Revenons � nos moutons_, a phrase I think that
+always looks better in French.  We got through all these important
+matters at last, even to the forging of the honoured names of Jane
+Jones and John Smith, or Jane Smith and John Jones, I forget precisely
+which, in the parish register.  Then having vailed the clerk with the
+parson's two-shilling-bit, and having thanked and bid farewell to our
+kind benefactors, we moved out of the church amid the acclamation of
+the whole female and juvenile population of the village, and got us
+with some speed upon our wedding-tour.
+
+Now we had made about half-a-mile along the highway at a round pace,
+when Cynthia to her great concern discovered that she had carried away
+upon her finger the ring that Mrs. Blodgett had borrowed from a
+neighbour.
+
+"Oh, this will never do," says she.  "We can never rob such kind honest
+people."
+
+"I suppose we cannot," says I, "but the value of that ring will come in
+wonderfully apt this evening when we desire a lodging for our
+weariness."
+
+"Oh, Jack, how can you!" says she.  "We must take it back at once."
+
+And willy-nilly with never another word my pretty one, with a fine
+indignant colour in her face, turned about and set her nose straight
+back to the parson's door.  And taking a material view of the matter,
+honesty was just as good a policy in this case as any other, for when
+we had come to the parson and Cynthia had got her mission off her lips
+and the ring off her finger, all in due time, the kind man was so
+pleased by our worthy behaviour, that says he to Mrs. Blodgett: "There,
+there, what did I say?  I knew you judged them too harshly," and
+straightway invited us to an excellent repast of potherbs and boiled
+mutton, that even then was smoking on the table.
+
+It was about two o'clock in the afternoon when we set out again on our
+travels.  We took the highway, and followed it mile upon mile, through
+pretty hamlets, past inviting inns, lush green meadows, and here and
+there a shady little copse.  Up hill and down dale we went, and always
+in something of a joyful spirit, for no two people could be more happy
+in their freedom, or more careless of what might befall.  The moment
+was enough for us.  We were sound in limb and spirit, stout of heart,
+too, I ween, and my little wife had the sum of twelvepence half penny
+in her pocket.  An avenging law was doubtless pursuing me, and a stern
+parent was most probably pursuing her, but we were so taken up with one
+another that we could think only of our present happiness.  Avaunt dull
+care, it was our wedding journey.
+
+Who could help being happy in the soft airs of the spring afternoon?
+They were so generous, and the sun was so mild and pleasant, that we
+discarded our cloaks, and I bore them both over my arm.  But we were
+not allowed to remain in this paradise very long without being rudely
+reminded of its insecurity.  After awhile, growing hot with our
+exertions and a little weary also, we began to desire a cool shady
+place in which to rest.  A hill more than usually steep lay before us,
+and having toiled to the top, at considerably less of a pace than the
+one at which we had started, found there the spot we were in need of.
+Seating ourselves under a tree covered with snowy blossom we proceeded
+to take our earned repose.  And we had been in this occupation perhaps
+five minutes or so, when our attention was directed to the sound of
+wheels at the foot of the hill we had just overcome.  A pair-horse
+chaise was coming up at a round pace.  It was occupied by two persons,
+and was so striking in colour and design that it was in the distance
+likely to be recognized sooner than the people in it.  This proved to
+be the case.  No sooner had it come into view than Cynthia clutched at
+my arm in a quick, frightened manner.
+
+"Look, look!" says she.  "Oh, what shall we do?  'Tis papa's curricle
+coming up the hill, and on my life, it is papa within it."
+
+I needed no second exhortation.  There was an instant of time in which
+we both looked wildly about us, backwards and forwards, only to
+discover that it was impossible to get away from our present place
+without being caught in the act of doing so.  A hedge was at our back,
+another was on the opposite side of the way, and in front stretched the
+long level surface of the road.  Yet there was just one chance of our
+passing unnoticed, though heaven knows a precarious and remote one!
+There was a slight declivity running under the hedge at our backs.  It
+was a kind of dry ditch, but the bed of it was so shallow that it could
+hardly be dignified by the name of ditch at all.  I commanded Cynthia
+to lie perfectly flat in this, face downwards, and to squeeze herself
+as far into the earth as she could get, whilst I did the same, though
+in regard to the last particular I fear my precept was higher than my
+resolution.  Meantime the chaise came grinding and grunting up the
+hill, at the same smart pace, while we lay in our ridiculously
+inadequate hiding-place, perfectly convinced in our own minds that we
+must be discovered.  What an agony of suspense we lay in, stretched
+full length, Cynthia's head pressed firmly against my heel, and our
+noses nestling in the dry earth!  We durst hardly breathe as the
+carriage came nearer and nearer.
+
+How it was its occupants failed to see us I cannot understand, for we
+could have been scarcely shielded at all from their observation.  But
+sure enough the curricle went past us, and as it did so we could even
+detect the familiar voices issuing out of it, above the noise of the
+horses and the vehicle.  One belonged to my lord the Duke, Mrs.
+Cynthia's papa, a terribly irascible loud-toned voice to be sure;
+whilst the other, smooth, polished and elegant, was that of Mr.
+Humphrey Waring.
+
+When at last they had fairly passed us by at a deuce of a rattle, we
+were able to sit up from our tight positions and show our noses again.
+We gazed at one another solemnly, and then broke into a peal of
+laughter apiece.
+
+"Phew!" says I, "it was as bad a two minutes as ever I've had.  I
+thought papa sounded very angry too."
+
+"Poor papa!" says Cynthia, with a very odd mingling of sorrow and mirth
+in her face.  "I wouldn't have given much for you, sir, had he spied
+us; and for that matter I would have given even less for myself."
+
+"I suppose he is in full pursuit of us?" says I.
+
+"There cannot be a doubt of it," says his daughter.  "And if I know
+anything of his Grace, he'll hardly sleep in his bed again until he
+hath tracked us down.  He's a terrible implacable man when he's
+aroused.  He'll be hunting us night and day, and he'll spend his last
+penny sooner than he'll be baulked by us, now that he hath seen fit to
+start on this business."
+
+"Humph!" says I, "a nice energetic old gentleman to have for a
+father-in-law, to be sure.  And that smooth villain Waring too.  Did
+you not catch his voice also?"
+
+"Yes," says Cynthia, flaming, "the wicked, wretched, contriving
+villain.  What can he hope to get by it all?"
+
+"A wife," says I.
+
+"He's like to go empty-handed there at least," says Cynthia.  "What a
+mercy it was we were married this morning!"
+
+"I doubt whether we were," says I.  "I do not know that the ceremony
+will hold in the sight of the law."
+
+"Then," says Cynthia, "we will be married over again in our real names
+and with a proper licence at the first church we can."
+
+"Nor will that avail you," says I, "when he hath got me hanged."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia grew thoughtful, but says she after a moment's reflection:
+
+"When he does that I will put an ounce of lead into his heart, then I
+can be hanged beside you."
+
+At this perforce I had to capitulate before her ingenuity.
+
+We resumed our way somewhat chastened in spirit.  We looked keenly
+ahead of us along the road as we went, for any sign of the vehicle that
+had lately overtaken us.  Any inn or alehouse that happened to lie at
+the roadside we passed with particular caution, lest our papa and his
+companion should have broken their journey there.  As time went by, and
+we had begun to forget the excellent repast of boiled mutton and
+potherbs with which we had been regaled by parson Scriven, we cast our
+eyes on these wayside places of entertainment with another end in view.
+We were growing honestly tired and hungry.  Coming to one that wore an
+air of unobtrusive respectability and general cleanliness, we
+determined to part with half of our fortune in exchange for some bread
+and cheese and ale.
+
+Having first been at the precaution to convince ourselves that his
+Grace's curricle lingered nowhere about the house, we went in and
+called for our modest refreshment.  And we were engaged in doing
+justice to it with a good deal of zest, when to our great fear we heard
+the sound of wheels on the road, and by the time we could turn round
+and look out of the inn-window a chaise had come to a stand in front of
+the door.  It needed but a glance to tell us that we might have been
+spared our alarm, since it was not the one belonging to Mrs. Cynthia's
+papa.  This was a much less imposing carriage, of a prim colour and
+cast that was designed not to attract any attention.  It contained two
+persons.  The first who alighted from it was a middling drab-coated
+kind of a fellow, smug of countenance, and not to be looked at twice.
+He was doubtless the unliveried servant of a well-to-do tradesman; an
+estimate that was borne out by the deferential, not to say obsequious
+air with which he stood at the side of the vehicle, and assisted the
+second occupant to get out.  This was a vastly more imposing person.
+He was a great fat, heavy-featured man, with an almost overpowering
+consequentialness about him.  He moved with a slow but dignified strut,
+spoke in a very loud voice, and yet there was a tone of affable
+condescension about him too that was very baffling.  He might be the
+mayor or an alderman of some provincial town, some local big-wig, or
+even a pursy magnate of commerce.
+
+By the time he had moved in his heavy dignity into the room in which
+Cynthia and I were seated at our bread and cheese, the landlord had
+taken note of his visitor, and had come forward to greet him with all
+the respectful familiarity of one who was happy to meet again an old
+and cherished and highly-valued client.
+
+"No other than Mr. John Jeremy, by all that's wonderful," says the
+landlord, bowing and smiling.  "_The_ Mr. John Jeremy, as I'm a
+licensed victualler."
+
+No sooner had the landlord uttered the name than I looked hastily at
+Cynthia, and she looked hastily at me.  Where had we heard that name so
+recently, and in what connexion?  Suddenly the same flash of
+recollection illuminated the minds of us both.  It was the name of the
+celebrated Bow Street runner, as given in the _London Gazette_.  I
+think we both went hot and then cold.  But when the first emotion of
+surprise was overpast, a dogged resolution succeeded to it and with it
+a determination to put, if need be, as bold a face upon the matter as
+we could.  After all there was nothing about us by which we could be
+identified.  Appearances were certainly in our favour; and the black
+eye I had that morning received from the farmer was not the least
+likely thing of all to stand me in good stead.
+
+"Sit tight," I whispered to her, "and we'll keep asipping out of the
+same pot as unconcerned as possible."
+
+Mr. Jeremy having seated himself with majestic negligence at a table
+immediately opposite us, turned to his companion and says:
+
+"Wattle you 'ave, Willum?"
+
+"Make it porter," says Willum, in a voice of extreme melancholy.
+
+"Wattle you 'ave, Mr. Johnson?" says Mr. Jeremy, addressing the host, a
+reel-faced worthy of simple ways, who seemed pleased with himself and
+all the world.
+
+"Make it porter, Mr. Jeremy, as you're so haffable," says he; "and what
+might be your own?"
+
+"If you 'ave any of that there sloe-gin, mine's sloe-gin," says Mr.
+Jeremy.
+
+These preliminaries being arranged to the satisfaction of all
+concerned, and the host having retired to fetch the refreshment, Mr.
+Jeremy remarked to his companion with a wonderful air of reflection:
+"Honest, unassooming feller."
+
+"Very," says the other, more gloomily than ever.
+
+Mr. Jeremy then observed us for the first time.  We returned his gaze
+with one of the most simple unconcern.
+
+"Nice day," says he.
+
+"Very," says I heartily.
+
+Here the host returned with the refreshment, and having pledged each
+other, they drank solemnly and copiously.
+
+"Well, Mr. Jeremy," says the host, "what are you after this time?  It's
+a murder, I know, for you to be taking it on.  You never do nothing
+under a murder, you don't, as I've heard you say."
+
+"You don't mean to say as you 'aven't 'eard?" says Mr. Jeremy.  "The
+whole case was printed in this morning's _Gazette_.  It's no small
+thing, this isn't, I can tell you.  The quality's in it, to start with."
+
+"Ha!" says the landlord, with breathless interest.  "Is it a hanging
+matter?"
+
+"Of course," says Mr. Jeremy.  "And a hearl, and a thorough bad lot
+too.  A thorough wicked feller with a record as black as your hat.  I
+always say when one of that sort goes wrong he's much worse than
+ord'nary."
+
+"If it's you that says it, Mr. Jeremy, there can be no manner of doubt
+about it," says the landlord.
+
+He appeared to hang on every word that the man from Bow Street uttered.
+That worthy gentleman who was by no means unaware of the impression he
+created, was at pains in a dozen little ways to heighten it.  Now and
+then he would halt in a mysterious manner, wink and nod, and then
+continue in a truly oracular way.  It was plain that he felt himself to
+be a man of a great reputation, and it would certainly be no fault of
+his if he failed to sustain it.  Nor was he content to work on the mind
+of the landlord, but continually looked across at us to see what effect
+he was having on our susceptibilities.  Observing this, I began at once
+to betray an interest in all he thought fit to say and do; an interest
+more exaggerated than the landlord's even, and certainly less sincere.
+
+"Are you the great Mr. John Jeremy from Bow Street, sir?" says I at the
+first opportunity.  I asked it in a voice of as much timidity as I
+could summon, as one astonished at his boldness.
+
+Instead of replying, the gentleman from Bow Street closed his eyes in
+exquisite self-satisfaction, threw his head back against the wall and
+folded his arms across his chest.
+
+"How can you ask?" says the landlord, replying for him.  "Who else can
+he be?  I should ha' thought your eyes would ha' told you that with one
+look at him."
+
+"I am very proud to meet you, sir," says I, and added, turning to
+Cynthia: "Who would have thought it, Betsy, that you and I of all
+people would ever have met the great Mr. Jeremy from Bow Street in
+London."
+
+"Don't mention it," says Mr. Jeremy, opening his eyes with vast
+condescension.
+
+"Oh, Mr. Jeremy," says my little Cynthia, playing up to her part in the
+comedy with admirable instinct, "would you--could you let me have a
+peep at the--at the handcuffs?"
+
+Mr. Jeremy needed no second invitation to exhibit the badges of his
+office.  He took them from his pocket and laid them on the table with
+an air.  And nothing would content Cynthia but she must rise from her
+seat, go over to the gentleman from Bow Street, and have the manacles
+clapped upon her wrists to see how they felt.  Her curiosity was very
+prettily and justly simulated.  It was done to the life, and no one
+could have been more pleased by it than Mr. Jeremy.
+
+Not content with thrilling Cynthia with the handcuffs, the gentleman
+from Bow Street was anxious to impress everybody else.  He presently
+produced the warrant for the wicked earl's arrest; also a handbill
+offering one hundred pounds reward for any information that should lead
+to the apprehension of the person whose full description was contained
+therein.
+
+"But that's only a matter of form, you know," says Mr. Jeremy.  "I've
+already got all the information that I want in this 'ere," Mr. Jeremy
+solemnly tapped his forehead.  "It's only a work of time.  We knows
+everything about him: his age, his height, his complexion, his general
+appearance, how he was drest, and his religious views.  All there is to
+know of him we knows.  I wouldn't give a snap of the fingers for that
+man, no that I wouldn't, not if you paid me to do it."
+
+"Wonderful!" says the landlord, his eyes dilated with admiration.
+"Wonderful smart!  What a mind you must have, sir."
+
+"_I_ didn't say so," says Mr. Jeremy, "Though I wouldn't contradict you
+there.  A feller's got to have a mind for our perfession.  A numscull
+can't make head or tail of it, can't a numscull.  It's observation that
+does it, d'ye see?  You've got to put two and two together, and to know
+how many beans make five.  Now in the case of this 'ere hearl, I've
+made such a liberal use o' my faculties that the noose is as good as
+round his neck.  Pore feller, I'm sorry for him."
+
+Mr. Jeremy's sorrow was reproduced in the face of each one of his
+hearers.  In that of his man and the innkeeper it was sincere enough,
+and at least in mine and Cynthia's it was very well simulated.  One and
+all professed the greatest admiration for the gentleman's genius.  To
+be sure, in what way it had been manifested was not very clear; but as
+his speech, his behaviour, and the airs he gave himself furnished
+incontestable proofs of its possession, how could we help doing homage
+to it?  He sat like a potentate, and received the court we paid to him
+as by no means more than his due.  But he was generous as well as
+great, for having ordered his own glass to be replenished, he asked us
+all to name our tipple, wherein we had the privilege of drinking his
+health.
+
+As soon as we felt that we could slip off without attracting any
+particular attention to our going, we took the road again.  Yet in the
+precautions we were at to get away as little observed as might be, we
+were more ill-served than by an ostentatious departure.  For our one
+object being to retire quickly and privily, we discovered when we had
+gone a few yards on the road that we had not paid our reckoning.  Thus
+when the landlord awoke to this fact, we should be much more freely
+discussed and commented on than by paying our score and effecting our
+retirement at our leisure.  Cynthia, who had a wonderful itch of
+honesty, was mightily put out, and was all for going back and for
+requiting the landlord at any cost.  But I demurred to this strongly.
+The sooner we put a few country miles between ourselves and Mr. Jeremy
+the better, said I.  Yet Cynthia argued more subtly, and more justly,
+as I was fain to allow.  Mr. Jeremy and the innkeeper had taken no
+suspicion of us to the time of our leaving the inn, said she, and if we
+were at the trouble to go back again, frankly admit our lapse of
+memory, and even go out of our way to behave honestly, we should be far
+more likely to continue in their good graces, than if we left them in
+the lurch as I proposed.  In that event we should infallibly get
+ourselves and our concerns talked about.
+
+Admitting the justness of this reasoning, I consented after a brief
+argument to our going back.  Mrs. Cynthia was pleased indeed, partly
+because this course was such a tribute to her wisdom, and again because
+she would not have to carry on her nice conscience an act that fretted
+it.  When we re-entered the inn it seemed that the landlord had already
+discovered his loss, and was in the very act of calling us harsh names.
+Indeed he was so occupied with this and was expressing himself so
+fervently, whilst Mr. Jeremy laughed at him in a humorous key, that he
+was not conscious of the fact that we stood behind him, until I said:
+
+"I quite agree with you, host, in all you have said, if such was our
+intention.  But as it happens, nothing could be farther from it.  The
+moment we discovered our omission, we returned to rectify it."
+
+The landlord was in a great taking when he heard my voice at his back.
+Having listened to his apologies that were no less fervent than his
+previous abuse, and having taken them in very good part, I demanded to
+know the amount of the score, and smiled at Mr. Jeremy while I did so,
+in an intimate way, for I judged a display of some little familiarity
+towards him was the most calculated to propitiate that gentleman.
+
+Eightpence was the score, a sum fortunately well within our truly
+modest means.  But judge of our desperate chagrin an instant later when
+Cynthia, the custodian of our poor fortune, having felt in all her
+pockets, declared that the purse which contained it was not to be
+found.  Search as she might, there was never a trace of it.  We stared
+at one another blankly, and then at the landlord, and then at Mr.
+Jeremy.  It was this last good gentleman who saved the situation for
+us, since he burst out a-laughing.  Thereon I broke into a roar; and
+presently Cynthia, Willum, and the landlord were roaring too.  And
+could anything have been more ludicrous than two persons leaving an inn
+without paying the reckoning, and wending all the way back again for
+the purpose of rectifying the error with devil a penny between them
+with which to do so!
+
+Under cover of the commotion that this discovery provoked, I racked my
+wits to find an excuse for our behaviour.
+
+"You may laugh, gentlemen," says I, with a sudden gravity, "but it is
+no laughing matter for us, let me tell you.  My wife's pocket hath been
+picked, and how we are to get back home with not so much as a penny
+between us, strike me dead if I can say!"
+
+"Why, 'tis a case for Mr. Jeremy's genius," says Cynthia, smiling at
+that flattered person in a most bewitching manner.  "He must devise us
+a means out of his infinite wit."
+
+"Peace, woman," says I, angrily.  "Is it not enough then that you
+should lose all our travelling money and bring us into disgrace with
+our honest host, whom we are unable to requite for his hospitality, but
+you must lose the control of that unlucky tongue too, and let it grow
+so familiar with the name and attainments of one of the foremost
+persons of his age that it brings us into disrepute with him also?"
+
+I spoke with my tongue in my cheek to be sure, and Cynthia more than
+once had to bite her lips to restrain her merriment.  But Mr. Jeremy
+nodded his head delightedly all the time, and purred with satisfaction.
+
+"No offence, no offence," says that gentleman.  "Don't mind me, my
+pretty one.  But since you ask my opinion as to 'ow you shall get back
+home again, I think after carefully considering all the circumstances,
+the only means I can discover is 'Shanks's mare.'"
+
+"Ha ha! he he!" we all laughed at this desperate piece of wit.
+
+The upshot was that we were allowed to depart indebted to the innkeeper
+in the sum of eightpence.  The loss of our money was a blow.  Why it
+should have been I cannot tell, for after all it was very little the
+right side of destitution.  Cynthia was quite unable to say in what
+manner she had lost it, and when I came to put a few shrewd questions
+to her on the subject, she was so vague in her ideas and so uncertain
+in her answers, that it became a moot point at last whether her fortune
+of twelvepence halfpenny had not existed from the first in her
+imagination only.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE
+
+It was about sundown now.  We had not so much as a penny to purchase a
+loaf of bread.  Night was coming on; there were no friends to whom we
+might recommend ourselves; and at least two parties of persons were
+engaged in hunting us down in that vicinity.  To set against these
+inconveniences we had only our liberty and our comradeship; and
+although our bellies were like to go empty, and our heads unpillowed
+that night, and for full many a weary one to come, we did not rail
+against our lot.  We were as free as the air and could defy the polite
+conventions.  Lest we should fall in again with Mr. Waring and our
+papa, or less dangerously with Mr. Jeremy, we decided to forsake the
+high road and its publicity, and take to the fields.  All ways were
+alike to us; north, south, east, and west, it did not matter.
+
+We had not gone far across the country when the twilight overtook us.
+We did not view it with the least apprehension, however.  The night
+promised to be so mild, and we were so warmly found against it with our
+cloaks and thick clothes, that another evening couch in a barn or a
+cowhouse would not greatly daunt us.  Indeed we had already made up our
+minds to this, unless Providence should throw a more luxurious one in
+our path.  In the event this proved to be the case, for after awhile
+our wanderings brought us to a kind of common, across which smoke was
+seen to be rising.  It came from a fire of sticks as we presently
+found, and on coming to it, we discovered ourselves in the midst of a
+gypsy encampment.
+
+Four or five persons of a dirty, ragged and uncouth sort, were busying
+themselves about the fire in various ways.  One was tending it with
+fuel, another was adjusting a great cooking-pot that sat in the midst
+of the embers, a third was cleaning a clasp-knife with a piece of rag
+and a tuft of grass, a fourth had two parts of a flute in his hand and
+was striving to fix them together; an old woman sat staring into the
+blaze with her hands on her knees, smoking a pipe; and a young woman,
+by no means destitute of a swarthy beauty, sat beside her with a child
+at her breast.
+
+The reception we met with at the hands of these simple strange people
+was at first reserved and suspicious to a degree.  One of the men
+addressed us in a barbarous tongue, the like of which I have neither
+heard before nor since.  I could not make a word out of it.  Showing
+plainly that we were at a loss in this language, the man translated it
+into good if a trifle rustic English:
+
+"What do you want?" says he roughly.
+
+"Leave to sit down by your cheerful fire a little," I replied.  They
+were in no hurry to extend this permission to us, but by the time that
+Cynthia with excellent tact had greatly admired the babe in its
+mother's arms, and I, who amongst my accomplishments pride myself as
+being somewhat of an amateur of the flute, had pieced that instrument
+together, for its owner did not appear to understand much about it, and
+had been at pains to make ourselves agreeable to our company in several
+ways, their gruff reserve grew sensibly less.  And shortly, so much did
+our addresses have their effect, that we found ourselves seated around
+the fire, with a pleasant odour of cookery tickling our noses.  For
+after all bread and cheese and ale, although excellent in themselves to
+be sure, do not form a very enduring diet.
+
+By the time the meal was ready the moon had risen.  Sitting in the
+midst of these strange gypsy people, beside a bright fire that threw up
+its flames to the open fields, and clothed trees and hedges and the sky
+itself with a vagueness and mystery that we had never noticed in them
+before, we became possessed with a sense of the weirdness of the shapes
+about us.  They made the folk we had come amongst seem more singular
+than they might otherwise have appeared.  However, the meal we
+presently partook of in their company did much to alleviate this
+feeling of strangeness.  When the lid was taken off the hissing
+cauldron, and platters, spoons and knives were produced, the circle
+about the fire was increased by the arrival of other gypsies of various
+ages and both sexes.
+
+As their guests, they had the courtesy to serve us first.  From the pot
+was produced a hot and grateful mess, that to persons with appetites
+sharpened to the degree that ours were, was deliriously palatable.  It
+appeared to consist of fowls, mutton, hares, onions, and potatoes, and
+probably other meats and vegetables not so easy to detect.  We were
+also given some excellent ale in a great horn tumbler, and a hunch of
+barley bread apiece.  We feasted indeed on the liberal fare, and were
+fain to pay a second visit to the cauldron.
+
+It was to be remarked that our entertainers were much better disposed
+toward us after supper than before.  Their suspicion and reserve melted
+more and more, and instead of using the Romany language, ordered their
+conversation in ours, that we might take some profit of their
+intercourse.  They all showed this amenable disposition with the
+exception of the old crone, who had supped only on tobacco, preferring
+her pipe to the lustier fare of the cauldron.  She would have none of
+us.  We could clearly see the expression of her lowering, tawny face,
+since she sat opposite to us, full in the glare of the fire.  This
+indifference to us was more than passive.  We discerned with some
+uneasiness that it amounted to positive dislike.  She would stare at us
+whole minutes together, while a concentrated malignity came into her
+already sufficiently ugly face.  She would then mutter incoherently
+under her breath.  Once she spat venomously into the fire.  At last,
+after staring at us longer and more resentfully than usual, she
+clutched a fellow who sat beside her fiercely by the arm.  She talked
+to him with great energy, and ended with something that sounded of the
+nature of an imprecation.  As she did so she shook her finger at our
+faces.  Whatever her communication was, the man was much discomposed by
+it.  He nodded, infused a certain malignity too in the look with which
+he regarded us, and then addressed several of his companions very much
+in the manner that the old woman had addressed him.
+
+Cynthia, who had observed these signs as keenly as I had, grew alarmed.
+Nor was this unreasonable in her, for such were the weight of the old
+crone's objections to us, whatever their nature, that before long they
+had spread to the whole community.  Thus we soon found ourselves in the
+unpleasant position of being the cynosure of all their eyes, the
+objects at which their fingers were wagged, and against whom their
+passionate talk was directed.  But we suffered from the additional
+misfortune of being unable to understand a single word, and were thus
+quite at a loss to know wherein we had offended.  It was the man with
+the flute who presently enlightened us.  Probably his devotion to
+music, one of the liberal arts, gave him a more humane cast than his
+brethren.  Indeed at this moment he alone seemed friendly towards us.
+
+"Old Goody does not like the set o' ye," says he.  "You will bring
+ill-luck upon us wandering folk, she thinks."
+
+"What does she object to in us?"
+
+"Nay," says he, "that is more than I can say.  She is as full of
+prediction, whimsies, and foreboding as a dog-fox is of cunning.  She
+has lived a long while, d'ye see, and can read the signs.  She has
+forseen many a corpse, by looking at the moon.  Many's the man-child
+she's brought into the world.  And only last year when she heard the
+wind soughing through the branches, she told not only the day but the
+very hour that Jerry Boswell came to be hanged."
+
+This sinister reference did nothing to ease us.  Looking around, the
+cunning and superstition that was everywhere about us took a direr
+significance.  As their resentment in no wise abated, it struck us that
+we should do well to resume our way.  But the man with the flute
+assured us that we were under no necessity, for since we had sat at
+meat with them, the mischief, if any, was already done.  He said
+besides that his people were the civillest in the world, and whatever
+their fear of us, they would be the last to visit their dislike upon
+us.  As the fire was so bright and genial, and our present position,
+despite any little inconveniences that might arise therefrom, was so
+much more to be desired than any other we were likely to lie in that
+night, we were seduced to remain.  It may have been against our better
+judgment that we took this course, or like the gypsies themselves, we
+may have had an instinct of something impending, for in the end we were
+to rue it bitterly.
+
+Our friend with the flute, doubtless to compose the minds of his more
+nervous brethren, began a strange sort of melody.  It was played not
+very well to be sure, but they gave an alert attention to it that
+furnished an instance of the power of music on untutored minds.
+Presently one of the women broke into a song to match the air.  It was
+in the gypsy language, and though sung in a low crooning voice and a
+primitive fashion, it was by no means unpleasing, whilst its weird
+character was highly appropriate to the place in which it was
+performed.  The rude audience was vastly soothed by it too; their
+fierce looks grew softer; and soon they fell to regarding the music
+entirely instead of Cynthia and myself.
+
+When the flute-player had given his melody, he politely handed the
+instrument to me, with the request that if I had any skill in the art I
+should give one also.  Being as I have said an amateur of the flute,
+and being like all other amateurs as I have observed, never in any
+situation averse to display my poor aptitude, I struck up a ranting air
+from the _Beggar's Opera_.  I was surprised to find how excellent the
+instrument was, and was therefore able to enter into the performance as
+much for my own gratification as for theirs.  When I had finished I was
+agreeably surprised to find how warmly my efforts were received.  The
+former player wrung my hand, and, strange as it may appear, many eyes
+shone about me with pleasure and admiration.  Nothing would content
+them but I must play again.  Mightily pleased with my success, as every
+person who seeks the approbation of the public invariably is, I needed
+no second invitation, but ventured on a more ambitious piece.  With
+many a spring and trill and roulade I ranted it into their ears.  They
+followed me with rapt attention, and again and again would have me
+play.  How long I continued to do so I do not know.  For seeing the
+singular pleasure they took from it, I should have been a churl indeed
+not to gratify such hospitable and simple people.  Therefore I poured
+out all the tunes I knew for their behoof.
+
+Little did we reck however of the calamity that was about to befall us.
+The old woman, it is true, had had a premonition of something
+impending.  Had it been concerned with the effect as well as the cause
+much might have been spared us.  As it was, no catastrophe could have
+come more swiftly, unexpectedly, or completely.  I was still in the
+height of my music, and the group around the fire were absorbed in it
+wholly, when this unhappy interruption came.  Without a sound of
+warning a dozen forms or more suddenly sprang into being out of a ditch
+hard by, and rushed into our midst.  By the light of the moon we could
+observe enough of them as they came to see that they were armed with
+formidable staves, and clearly meant mischief.
+
+We had only just time to spring to our feet before they were upon us.
+What their business was we did not stay to inquire; indeed, it was soon
+evident that my friends, the gypsies, were only too intimately
+acquainted with it.  Without passing a word they resisted this
+onslaught with all the vigour they could summon.  One or two ran into
+the tents close at hand to procure weapons of defence; others produced
+their knives; whilst the old crone, who along among the gypsy women was
+not barefooted snatched off one of her boots and brandished it
+fiercely.  As for Cynthia and I, we were so taken aback by this strange
+situation that we did not know what course to pursue.  We had neither
+art nor part in this quarrel whatever its nature.  Besides, we were
+weaponless and utterly at a loss to understand whether submission or
+resistance might serve us the better.
+
+The aggressors, whatever their impetuosity, stopped short at first of
+actual violence.  Seeing the uncompromising attitude of the gypsies,
+the foremost man, a fine strapping fellow as ever I saw, halted a few
+yards off, put up his hand to speak, and said with a great air of
+authority:
+
+"Now, you Egyptians, let me give you a word of advice before we come to
+blows.  You have no chance at all.  You are outnumbered by three to
+one, and whatever blood is shed, will be to your hurt.  Whatever polls
+are broken will not save any man Jack of you a hanging.  I summon you
+to put down your weapons, and the women shall go free.  But I arrest
+every man of you in the name of the High Sheriff for stealing sheep."
+
+The reply of the sheep-stealers was brief enough in all conscience.
+
+"Take that!" cried the old woman, flinging her boot at the speaker's
+head.
+
+It was the signal for the battle to begin.  My friend the flute-player
+followed up the boot by hitting the spokesman of the law full in the
+face with his fist.  Thereon blows fell thick and fast and furious on
+every side.  The Sheriff's men closed up, nor did the gypsies budge an
+inch.  Without a weapon of any sort, as I was, I had to bear my part
+perforce, since there was no opportunity to explain that I was neither
+a gypsy nor a stealer of sheep.  But even had it offered, I could never
+have embraced it.  Just as a man may be known by the company he keeps,
+he is at the same time laid under the obligation to defend his friends.
+
+My first care, of course, was for Cynthia.  As the Sheriff's men were
+not likely to molest her should she run away out of reach of harm, I
+insisted on her doing so.  I had to be firm with her too, since she was
+by no means disposed to separate from me in this pass.  She would
+either have me come with her or she would stay where she was.  The
+first alternative was impracticable even had I wished to embrace it.
+The enemy were all about us by now, and I should not have been
+permitted to go; and the second put her personal safety into such a
+jeopardy that I had to be very stern.  Thereon she unwillingly complied.
+
+No sooner had she gone than I slipped the flute in my pocket and
+prepared to take a hand in the defence.  As I had no other weapons I
+had to employ my hands.  Had the conditions been equal I could have
+wished no better.  But they were little likely to prevail against
+superior numbers, armed with staves.  Indeed, from the first,
+submission would have been the wiser course for us all, as the gypsies
+were at such a disadvantage that they had no chance.  Yet blows were
+dealt with mighty goodwill on both sides; sometimes the upholders of
+the law went down, but more often the breakers of it.  Presently two
+fellows with cudgels in their hands made lo seize me by the collar,
+whereon I dealt the most assiduous of the twain so shrewd a crack on
+the point of the jawbone as laid him low.  The other fellow came at me
+furiously with his stave, and I had barely time to whisk my head aside
+and so get it clear of the blow that was aimed at it.  I was hastening
+to follow up this delicate attention with a few of my own, when a third
+adversary unseen came behind me, and gave me such a tap at the side of
+the head as brought me to the ground bleeding and half insensible.
+
+Before I could make any attempt to gather myself again, a pair of knees
+were in the middle of my chest, and a strong hand half choked the life
+out of my throat.  I was in no condition to kick or struggle much; but
+whatever the philosophy of my temper in the piping times of peace,
+devil a bit did I exercise of it now.  Bleeding and breathless as I
+was, I resisted with what was in the circumstances an absurd tenacity;
+and it was some little time, after a great display of energy on both
+sides that two or three of my enemies ultimately secured me, bound my
+hands and raised me to my feet.  And I hope the reader will observe
+that I again insist that it took two or three persons to conclude this
+unfortunate business, as it did to inaugurate it.  I know not what vain
+glory it is in a man that makes him so punctilious in matters of this
+sort.
+
+By the time I had been overcome and raised on to my feet in fetters,
+the affair was almost decided.  There could be but one ending; and very
+soon the unfortunate gypsies were all of them captive too, with cords
+round their wrists, and most of them bloody of bearing.  No time was
+lost in marching us away to the nearest magistrate.  There seemed about
+a score of armed men to take the custody of us.  In the haste with
+which everything was carried out, in the uncertain moonlight, and in
+the dull vague condition of mind that the shock of events, to name only
+one cause, had induced, I had not the smallest opportunity of taking
+farewell of Cynthia.  Nor had she any means of approaching me, seeing
+how sedulously we were guarded, and how promptly we were marched away.
+
+The whole thing was begun and ended so swiftly that this very
+grandiloquent and self-important quill-pen hath made, I find, an
+incomparably greater business of it than ever it was in itself.  It can
+never bring its dignity down to the subordinate office of the relation
+of a plain piece of history, but is all for the frills and the
+trimmings.  Do not be deceived into thinking, therefore, that this
+country brawl was as great as the battle of Marathon.  But at least, at
+the time the consequences were to me very poignant.  As we were dragged
+along over the stubble and through the moonlight, we knew not whither,
+I was more stunned by my evil fortune than by the blow I had come by in
+the argument, notwithstanding that as I walked the blood trickled in a
+thin warm stream on to my coat.  For a person in my circumstances to
+fall into the hands of the law in a hedge scuffle in an alien quarrel,
+was about as scurvy an accident as could possibly happen.  I was truly
+between the devil and the deep sea.  To clear myself of the charge of
+being a gypsy and a sheep-stealer, I should be compelled to expose my
+identity, and in doing so should but fall out of the frying-pan into
+the fire.
+
+There was another side to the matter, equally black.  Whatever would
+happen to Cynthia?  Was she not left utterly destitute, without a
+friend, in a foreign country?  Even in the extreme unlikelihood of my
+regaining my freedom, neither of us would know where to seek the other,
+and thus at a time when it was so imperative that we should be
+together, we should be wrenched apart.  Look at the case as I might, I
+could derive no crumb of comfort from it.
+
+It was in a great depression of spirit then that I was haled, weak,
+bleeding, and encumbered along the country lanes to meet my fate.  What
+it was likely to be I did not exactly know, but look at the matter how
+I would, there seemed to be but one natural ending to it.  I was parted
+from my poor little wife, doubtless for ever; and if I did not come to
+the gallows for murder or stealing sheep, I must perforce end my days
+in a debtor's prison.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY
+
+We had marched along for what seemed to me in my unhappy state an
+intolerable period, although I suppose actually the time was less than
+an hour, when we passed through the gates of a great house.  When the
+porter came out of his lodge to let us through, and held his lantern
+against the iron-work, I observed that the device of the family wrought
+therein had a strangely familiar appearance.  There was something about
+the porter too that awoke all sorts of remote recollections in my mind.
+As we went along the paths, even the situation of the trees that
+skirted them added to this impression.  And when we came at last on to
+the lawn, and the house itself was clearly exposed in the moonlight, a
+cry of surprise almost escaped my lips, for the place had once been my
+own.
+
+It was a house in which a great part of my boyhood had been spent, and
+one that I had inherited at my father's death.  It was but a little
+while that it remained in my hands, however, for one night, having lost
+much more than I cared about over a game of piquet, I think it was, in
+a desperate attempt to retrieve my fortunes, I staked this precious
+house upon the cards and lost it also, to a fellow as reckless as
+myself.  It is impossible to say, therefore, what my emotions were at
+this my strange return to the home of my childhood, and the seat for
+many a generation of those whose name I bore.  But I think that the
+first moment of recognition over, my tendency was towards laughter, for
+could anything have been more comical than that I should be brought in
+such a company, and on such a charge, to this of all the places in the
+world?
+
+Even the fellow who replied to the summons on the great hall-door, I
+remembered nearly as well as my own father, for I ought to tell you
+that servants, furniture and plate had passed over with the property.
+We were kept waiting without whilst the head-constable or chief officer
+among our captors went in to confer with the magistrate.  In the end it
+was decided that we should be brought before the justice in person.  He
+was said to have been a prime mover in the matter from the first, and
+was highly incensed against the unfortunate gypsies.
+
+"We could not have come to a worse place," said my friend the
+flute-player, who stood beside me.  "This is the house of Sir Thomas
+Wheatley, a hard man, and the biggest enemy to us poor folk of any one
+about.  If his name and interest count for anything, we shall all of us
+infallibly be hanged."
+
+There were eight of us prisoners, and we were presently led into Sir
+Thomas's presence.  When we were brought into the fine dining-room that
+I knew so well, every inch of which was so familiar to me, in which
+every object of vertu and article of furniture was a thing so well
+recollected that even in this predicament I could not refrain from
+regarding them with pride and affection, how can I indicate the flood
+of emotions that surged in my head?  After all, a man in the depths of
+his abandonment is something more than a piece of wood.
+
+The justice was a common type of person enough; a man in middle life,
+who doubtless lived well and drank much, to judge by his purple cheeks
+and the somewhat puffed appearance of his body.  He was a middling sort
+of man in every way; middling in his stature, in his mind and in his
+character, and more especially so, as we were to discover, in his
+thoughts and ideas.  He affected the very nicest style of the squire in
+his dress, was highly formal in his deportment; and he sat playing
+cards with another fellow, apparently not so much for the amusement of
+himself or the entertainment of his friend, but rather as one who
+followed a dignified occupation in a dignified way.  In his every word,
+gesture and motion he had an indescribable air of one sitting for his
+picture.  He was in a towering rage, it is true, but it was a rage that
+appeared not to spring from the heat of his blood, for he was of that
+lethargic habit, which does not rise to heats of any sort.  He was in a
+towering rage, because it was expected of one of his position and
+sentiments to be in one at such a time.  Therefore, when we poor
+prisoners had been ranged along the wall, he put down his cards with
+great deliberation, slowly wheeled his chair round towards us, put
+together his thumbs, and looked us all over with a noble indignation.
+
+"Soh!" says the justice, counting us carefully.  "One, two,
+three--eight of you fairly taken; eight cut-throat rogues that most
+richly merit a hanging.  And a hanging you shall get if there is any
+law left in the country.  I will commit you at once, so help me I will!
+Fetch me pen and ink somebody, and I'll fill in the mittimus.  I hope
+you are mightily ashamed of yourselves, you wicked, blackamoor
+villains."
+
+"Can you not see that they are, good Tommie?" says the man with whom he
+was playing at cards.  "They are as ashamed as the devil was when he
+singed the hairs on his tail through overheating his parlour."
+
+The solemn justice was somewhat shocked at this piece of levity.  He
+frowned at his companion, and coughed to cover his annoyance.  The man
+who had spoken to this disconcerting tenor appeared rather a singular
+fellow.  It was difficult to say who or what he might be.  Of a rather
+massive frame, he had a countenance that recommended him to the
+curious.  His features were large and bold, with an aquiline nose, a
+devil of a chin, and a short upper lip.  His face shone with wassail
+and intemperate excess; there was a deal of sensuality in it, and more
+than a suggestion of coarseness, but it was for none of these things
+that it was remarkable.  There was something besides that was baffling
+and indescribable to a degree, that drew one's attention to it again
+and again.  It was a face of marvellous humorous animation, with the
+mockery of a devil and the candour of a saint.  It was as prodigal of
+wit as it was of appetite; of majesty and mischief; of impudence and
+nobility.  It was the face of a poet and a sot.  Here, apparently, was
+a great heart, a humane spirit overlaid with flesh and infirmities.  I
+think I was never so arrested by a countenance before, and certainly
+never more puzzled by one.
+
+"Why do you propose to hang these gentlemen, Tommie?" says this
+whimsical fellow, with a mockery in his eyes and a curl of the lip that
+made the justice more uncomfortable than ever.  "Have they picked a few
+hazel-twigs off your honour's footpaths?"
+
+"Oh lord, Harry, I pray you be a little serious," says the justice.
+"These are gypsies and sheep-stealers; villains and rascals all."
+
+"They are beyond our prayers then," says Harry.  "The law must take its
+course.  Even if it could overlook the rape of the mutton, it could
+never condone the colour of their hair.  _Lex citius tolerare vult
+privatum damnum quam publicum malum_.  There you are as pat and
+pragmatical as Marcus Tullius Cicero.  I tell you, Tommie, the world
+lost a great lawyer when I became a hackney writer."
+
+While this was going forward I had collected a few of my wits and had
+determined on the course to pursue.  Unless by hook or by crook I could
+seize these precious moments prior to our committal to prison in which
+to put myself right or regain my freedom, all chance would be gone.
+Jack Tiverton was as dear to the law as a sheep-stealing gypsy, and
+once before a judge I must prove myself to be the one before I could
+prove I was not the other.  Therefore I boldly seized the occasion.
+
+"I beg your worship's pardon," says I, humbly; "but surely you will not
+commit a man without evidence?  And there is not a tittle of evidence
+against me.  I am neither a gypsy nor a sheep-stealer."
+
+I was several times interrupted in the course of this little address by
+one of our custodians, who continued to pluck at my sleeve, and
+enjoined me in audible whispers to hold my impertinent tongue.  The
+justice was astounded by my audacity in daring to address him, and grew
+as red and pompous as a turkey-cock.
+
+"How dare you, fellow, talk to me?" says he.  "If I had the power I
+would commit you twice over for your insolent presumption, yes I would,
+so help me."
+
+"Yes, Tommie, you would, so help you," says his friend.  "The spirit of
+Hector; ye speak like Priam's son.  How dare the fellow ask to hear the
+evidence when you have had the magnanimity to commit him without it?
+Does he forget too that when innocence ceases to suffer it will no
+longer be the highest wisdom to be a rogue?"
+
+I was likely to profit nothing by these protestations of my innocence.
+This justice was evidently of the worst type of magistrate.  He was too
+high and mighty to imperil his preconceived opinions by entering into
+the merits of the matter.  He was too lofty to argue; too swollen with
+self-esteem to be affronted with facts.  All persons who were brought
+before him must be guilty of some crime or other, otherwise they would
+not have come there; and he held that he had discharged his office with
+credit to himself and with profit to his country when he had
+impartially committed them to gaol.  I soon came to the conclusion
+therefore that it would be impossible to prevail on a man of this mould
+with a simple relation of the case, or expect to meet with any
+suggestion of justice at his hands.  I must try a more uncompromising
+method; and that an exceedingly bold one.  I must prove to him beyond
+all doubt that I was far other than an ignorant gypsy, taking the risk
+of the revelation of my true identity, and any consequences that might
+ensue.  For that matter if I must go to gaol, I might just as well go
+there in the role of the defaulting nobleman as in that of the
+larcenous vagabond.
+
+Disregarding all attempts on the part of the officers of the law to
+restrain me, I gazed about the spacious apartment with the air I might
+have worn had it still belonged to me, and says: "The old place is just
+as it was, I see.  But, my good Sir Thomas, it grieves me to observe
+that you have put your fat aunt by the side of a Rubens; and that you
+have not scrupled to set a pompous citizen in a tie-wig, who, to judge
+by a certain consanguinity of expression and countenance, was the
+illustrous man your father and a cheesemonger at that, cheek by jowl
+with one of Vandyck's gentlemen."
+
+The justice was too incensed by this audacious speech to find words
+with which to reply to it.  He spluttered and stuttered himself to the
+verge of an apoplexy.  His friend took it far otherwise, however.
+
+"A hit, a palpable hit," says he, laughing heartily.  "I never heard a
+ripe thought better expressed.  And, damn it, Tommie, you deserve it
+too.  Your fat aunt, and your illustrious father the cheesemonger in a
+tie-wig, ha, ha, ha!  Our friend of the black eye and the bloody
+countenance is an amateur of the arts, a lover of the beautiful."
+
+"Remove the prisoners out of my presence," says the justice in a fury.
+
+"No, no, Tommie," says his companion, "you go too fast.  Our friend is
+so monstrous good that I vow and I protest he must drink a glass of
+claret."
+
+Thereupon he countermanded the justice's order with a certain easy air
+of authority that was natural to him, which carried more weight than
+all the assumption of the magistrate.  This strange fellow, still
+chuckling, poured out a glass of wine from one of several bottles that
+adorned the table, and leaving his seat carried it over to me, despite
+the fact that he hobbled very badly with the gout.  When he stood up he
+was wonderfully imposing, being more than six feet tall, with an
+appearance of perfect breeding and majesty, for all his profligate
+looks and his free, laughing, jovial, devil-may-care manners.  As he
+offered me the glass of claret with a charming grace, I looked down at
+the cords that so tightly secured my wrists with an air of humorous
+deprecation.
+
+"Here, hold this, and keep your long nose clear of the rim," says he,
+putting the wine into the hands of the astonished head-constable.  He
+then drew a knife from his pocket, and without more ado cut off my
+fetters.  As he did so an honest indignation seemed to run in him
+suddenly.
+
+"What a dirty way to treat a gentleman!" he said.  "But you must excuse
+these low fellows; they are not to blame.  They have no discretion but
+simply to follow their calling.  They only know a hog by his bristles."
+
+"As a former _custos rotulorum_ for the county of Wilts, none knows
+that better than I, sir.  But I am vastly obliged to you, vastly
+obliged."
+
+Thereupon I drank the glass he so kindly handed to me.
+
+"My dear sir," says he, with another great laugh, "that was not the
+work of a tyro.  There was a neatness and a deftness in the manner of
+it that must have cost you at least ten thousand liftings of the elbow
+to acquire.  You are as good to drink with as to talk to.  I'faith you
+must do me the honour of sitting at table, for you are a three-bottle
+man, or I have never seen one in the world."
+
+You may be sure that I was nothing loth to accept an invitation that
+was as unexpected as it was desirable.  The bewilderment of the
+justice, the constable and his men, and the poor gypsies too, was
+boundless as I briskly followed this extraordinary gentleman when he
+hobbled back to his chair, and promptly ensconced my disreputable self
+in one of the high-backed oaken seats of my forefathers, now so
+courteously placed at my disposal.  While he proceeded to refill my
+glass and his own too, the scandalized magistrate very naturally
+expostulated in the most vehement manner.
+
+"Why, Harry, God save us all!" he cried, "have you gone horn-mad?  It
+is the most outrageous thing that ever was perpetrated.  I vow and
+protest, Harry, that you are gone stark mad to bring a thief and a
+gypsy to my table to share your cups.  It is unbearable, Harry, and
+'fore God I will not have it.  When this gets wind in the county they
+will deride me to death.  Lord, I shall get struck off the
+justice-roll."
+
+"Your petitioner will ever pray," says Harry, while simultaneously we
+raised the distraught justice's good claret to our lips.
+
+Taking my cue from the familiarity of my entertainer, I threw aside
+restraint and adopted the attitude of a guest in lieu of the humbler
+one of a prisoner.  Continuing to gaze about completely at my ease,
+says I, with that frank criticism that had been formerly so effective:
+
+"Things are no longer what they were.  This place hath deteriorated
+since I was in it last.  The city creeps into the ancestral hall;
+cheesemongery obtrudes itself.  Where formerly there were Old Masters
+and French Tales, there are now Bibles and bad prints.  But I rejoice
+to see that some few of my ancestors are still faithful to their
+old-time haunt.  My parents, my grand parents, my uncles, my cousins
+and my aunts, Vandycks, Lelys, and Knellers, and the devil knows who,
+are still assembled here, even to the replica of Sir Peter's picture of
+that nobleman, most illustrious of his race, who made a Commentary on
+the _Analects of Confucius_, the original of which I last saw in the
+shop of a Jew dealer the other day."
+
+My singular acquaintance with the contents of his dining-room,
+evidently far more extensive than his own, was not without its effect
+on the justice.
+
+"What is the meaning of all this, Harry?" he asked of my benefactor.
+"What is the fel----what is the man talking of?  What does the man mean
+by his ancestors?  Who ever heard such impudence, such effrontery?"
+
+"Well, Tommie," says his frank friend, "I'll lay my last guinea that he
+hath more right to call them his ancestors than their present owner."
+
+"A murrain take you," says the justice, more purple than before, for
+this was a stab in a tender place.  "Will you never learn to control
+your infernally long tongue?  And yet again must I ask you not to
+address me as Tommie when I am in the exercise of my high functions.
+Thomas if you like, or my full title would be still better on these
+occasions.  The King would not have conferred it upon me, were it not
+designed for use, and that he desired I should profit by it."
+
+His friend nearly choked himself with laughter long before the justice
+had come through this solemn homily.  Indeed he could not recover his
+breath until he had poured himself out another glass of wine, and had
+refilled mine.
+
+"You will kill me of laughing, Tommie, one of these days," says he.
+"If it were not that your claret is as good as any for thirty miles
+round London, I would never come near you.  How a man can keep such a
+good table and yet such a poor understanding is a thing I have never
+fathomed.  But I protest you will certainly kill me if you do not amend
+your mind a little."
+
+"Harry," says the justice sternly.  "I can never understand how it is
+that a grandson of the Earl of Denbigh, and a person of undeniable
+family and descent, should have such ungenteel manners."
+
+"Damn the Earl of Denbigh," says Harry, banging his fist on the table,
+"and you too, Tommie.  You can no more keep that fly out of the
+ointment, than a pig can his snout out of the muck."
+
+"What, sir," says I eagerly, "are you also cursed with a grandfather?"
+
+"Aye, to be sure I am," says he.  "Though I'll thank no man that names
+him.  If it were not for my grandfather I could go to the devil in my
+own way."
+
+"Why, my dear sir," says I, "never were there two such brothers in
+misfortune.  Your case is the very counterpart of mine."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE
+
+While all this was going forward very eloquent glances were repeatedly
+exchanged between the justice and the head-constable.  They were both
+equally at a loss to know what to do in the matter.  Their plain duty
+was to have me removed in custody.  But this they could not very well
+do, seeing on what terms of intimacy I had already been placed.  There
+must be a grave mistake somewhere.  What it was they were too greatly
+puzzled to say, but the end of it all was that my fellow-prisoners were
+removed into the stables against the next morning, when they could be
+more conveniently taken to prison, whilst I for the nonce was allowed
+to remain seated at the table in the society of my whimsical friend.
+
+Sir Thomas's composure had been so rudely shaken that for a long time
+he could hardly venture on another word.  He sat watching us with a
+kind of stupefied horror, whilst we made short work of several bottles
+of his most excellent claret.
+
+"The true Falernian," says my companion, smacking his lips.  "I would
+that Roman fellow were here in the room of Tommie, who sits like a dead
+dog in a dry ditch.  I have remarked it before, and I remark it again,
+that I can never understand how it is that a man who can keep such a
+full-bodied, generous wine in his cellar should yet keep such a lean,
+ill-liberal heart in his body.  It is an internal paradox on which I
+break my brains anew.  You would think that one would cry out upon the
+other, and that they could live together no better than a keg of
+gunpowder and a live coal.  And how in the first place they ever came
+to be associated passes me.  Ring the bell, Tommie, and tell 'em to
+bring us up another bottle a-piece."
+
+While Sir Thomas did so with the mechanical meekness of one well
+accustomed to obey, says I:
+
+"I think I can give you ease on this last matter, sir.  Hath it never
+struck you that our host may have bought his cellar at the same shop
+that he bought his ancestors?  It sticks in my mind that I have met
+both his forebears and his vintages before.  Indeed, to come down to
+the details of this odd matter, I believe at the period of which I
+speak they may have had my name appended to them."
+
+"Shrewdly said, sir," says my companion; and then going on to another
+matter which I had sedulously been leading up to, for I had come to the
+conclusion that my one chance of ultimate escape lay in betraying
+myself entirely, continued: "You begin to interest me vastly.  I
+confess you are a man after my own heart.  I like your talk, I like
+your manner, the colour of your eye, the cock of your old beak,
+i'faith, I like you altogether.  You are the very perfect gentle guest;
+you abuse your host and drink his wine with the same impartial spirit.
+You bear the same relation to a gypsy as our club-footed Thomas does to
+the herald Mercury.  No, no, my good sir, it will not do; _ex ungue
+leonem_."
+
+"Your compliments charm me," says I, raising the glass to my lips
+again, "but I could have wished, sir, that you had not nosed out my
+_incognito_.  It may be the source of a greater inconvenience than I
+care to think about, if it and I part company."
+
+"The blame is entirely your own, sir," says the other.  "Hercules
+should not try to hide behind an arbutus tree.  But no man ever had
+aught to fear from me, unless that man was myself.  To him, it is true,
+I have been a great enemy.  Yet I'll swear on my life that even that
+poor unlucky young man whose name is proscribed in this morning's
+news-letter would never be a penny the worse for revealing himself to
+such a rough fellow as me.  As for Tommie, I will answer for Tommie
+too.  It is true that Tommie hath weaknesses, but they are on the
+surface mostly.  If he can never forget that Nature had a hand in the
+fashioning of Sir T. Wheatley, Knight, and Justice of the Peace, and is
+in a sense a self-made man therefore, he nevertheless hath a very good
+heart.  I can answer for Tommie as for myself."
+
+When he came to mention the "poor unlucky young man," I suppose I must
+have winced or blinked a little, or he was a marvellously subtle and
+keen observer, for after looking into my eyes, he slapped his hand on
+his thigh, and cried:
+
+"By God, can it be?  Surely it is too whimsical, too fantastical.
+These things do not happen outside the story books."
+
+"Such a coincidence is a little after the manner of _Tom Jones_, to be
+sure, sir," says I.
+
+I suppose it was the word "story books" that led to my mentioning that
+immortal novel which at that moment held all the town in a spell of
+wonder and delight.  But no sooner had I uttered the magic name of _Tom
+Jones_ than I thought I saw my companion's flushed face flush deeper
+than ever, and at the same instant my mind was assailed with a dozen
+points of recognition.  In a flash I jumped to the conclusion that I
+was being entertained by the author of that inimitable work.  For a
+moment we sat regarding one another with the frankest amusement.  Then
+my companion took up his glass, and lifting it slowly to his lips, says:
+
+"Lord Tiverton."
+
+Thereupon I followed his polite example; and when the glass was at my
+lips, says I:
+
+"Mr. Henry Fielding."
+
+Upon that we fell a-laughing wildly, and wrung one another warmly by
+the hand.  Now that the murder was out we grew closer in
+good-fellowship.  Had we not shown proofs of an admirable sagacity in
+our previous respect for one another?  The magistrate, however, was
+aghast.  No sooner was he acquainted with my name than he was beset
+with his manifest duty as a justice of the peace.
+
+"As you are a refugee from the law, my lord," says he, looking
+anxiously at me and then at Fielding, "I fear that I have no
+alternative other than to hand you over to the proper authorities.  You
+see, as one holding his Majesty's commission of the peace for this
+county, I am precluded from giving way to any private feelings I might
+entertain in the matter, but must do my plain and obvious duty, however
+it be opposed to the dictates of my heart."
+
+The dignity and the rather florid effect of this speech, which I will
+do Sir Thomas the justice of saying was very well meant, was utterly
+spoiled by Mr. Fielding's reception of it.
+
+"Come down off the high horse, Tommie, if you love me," says he.  "Be
+damned to the dictates of your heart and your duty too.  Do strive to
+be natural, Tommie; if you would but be content to be natural I would
+suffer you gladly, for at bottom you are as good a fellow as I know.
+But when you get on these magisterial airs of yours a common mortal
+cannot touch you with a six-foot pole."
+
+"That is all very well, Harry," says Sir Thomas, "but you forget my
+responsibilities."
+
+"There you go again," says Fielding.  "Be damned to your
+responsibilities.  Come and drink a glass of good claret with us and
+forget yourself, your office, your dignity, your wig, your knighthood,
+and your laced coat for a brief five minutes.  Perpend, Tommie,
+perpend; and for the nonce consent to be a human being."
+
+"Would you have me, then," says the magistrate, "sit down with a man in
+my own house, knowing him to be a great criminal?  How can I possibly
+entertain such a person?  Were I to do so I should be altogether
+unworthy of the high trust that hath been reposed in me."
+
+Mr. Fielding scratched his wig.
+
+"A very moral sentiment," says he, "but all the morality in the world
+is not worth a penn'orth of humanity."
+
+"Sir," says I warmly, "I am grateful to you.  You can scarcely know how
+an example such as yours helps a drowning man to keep his head above
+the flood that is like to overwhelm him.  But I think I owe it to
+myself to lessen the weight of Sir Thomas's responsibilities, by
+assuring you that I am innocent of the horrid crime with which I am
+charged.  The poor fellow came by his end in a fair fight; and
+therefore if you can only overlook the sums I owe my creditors, you may
+relieve your scruples."
+
+"I am more than glad of these assurances," says the justice.  "A great
+load is taken off my mind."
+
+"On the contrary," says Mr. Fielding, "they make not a farthingworth of
+difference to me.  I care not if you are the most long-suffering peer
+that ever went to the dogs, or if you are the greatest villain that
+ever tried to dodge the gallows.  What's the odds?  You are a proper
+enough fellow for all rational purposes.  Certainly I would not choose
+to meet Mr. Jack Sheppard in a lonely lane on a dark night, but I would
+as willingly drink a bottle with a lad of his mettle just as well as
+with another.  If a man shall bear himself gallantly at table, with a
+merry courage and a kindling eye, who am I that shall ask uncivil
+questions of him?"
+
+Whatever Mr. Henry Fielding's philosophy, and it seemed to have a
+savour of that of the late eminent Sir John Falstaff, Knight, he was a
+fine merry companion, who asked no better of the hour and the company
+in which he sat than that they should consort with his humour.  After a
+while his wit, his gallant spirits, and his brave bearing before the
+bottle did not fail of their effect upon the justice too.  That staid
+and pompous fellow resisted them for a time, but as first one and then
+another bottle was numbered among the slain, and our tongues grew
+looser as our brains grew warm, he fell at last from his high estate
+and was seduced into a course that ill consisted with his sentiments.
+When he had accepted several glasses from Mr. Fielding's own fair hands
+he began to grow rather thicker in his speech, weighed his words less,
+and showed several signs of having departed from his usual habit.
+
+"You can see," says Mr. Fielding, winking at me, "that our gallant
+Tommie hath been nurtured on cinnamon-water and Dr. Akenside's sermons.
+I should say that four glasses are about the limit of him; five, and he
+goes over the verge."
+
+Although both Mr. Fielding and I had already accommodated a far greater
+quantity than the magistrate, we had served such a much longer
+apprenticeship to this business (the shame is our own) that whereas we
+were scarcely conscious as yet of what we had drunk, the square-toed
+Sir Thomas was already hanging out his evidences.  Now no sooner did I
+observe this disposition in him than I was taken with a scheme by which
+my poor fellow-prisoners incarcerated in the stables outside were to
+profit.  Whatever my shortcomings, I would never have it said of me
+that I left a friend in the lurch.  These poor gypsies had given us of
+their hospitality; that in itself therefore was enough of a reason why
+I should endeavour to spare them a hanging.  Therefore I suggested the
+matter to my companion.
+
+"Do you think, sir," says I, "that we can get our good magistrate drunk
+enough to be worked on to give the order for the release of my poor
+friends the gypsies?  It is like to go very hard with them, I fear,
+unless we can find some such way as this to aid them."
+
+"It is very well thought on," says this truly humane fellow, without so
+much as pausing to consider the matter.  "Leave this jocund old
+justicer to me, and I'll answer for it that the king's enemies shall
+get a free pardon.  Now then, Tommie, by your leave I'll name a toast.
+We will drink to Law and Order.  Fill up, Tommie, and no heel-taps."
+
+So thoroughly did Mr. Fielding enter into this plan, that very soon Sir
+Thomas began to babble in his talk with a most unwonted levity, and
+even essayed to sing a song.  With such assiduity was he plied, that he
+presently advanced stage by stage, until my companion considered him to
+be sufficiently primed for this business.  Thereon Fielding rang the
+bell and ordered the head-constable, who with his men was keeping guard
+over the premises, to be brought to him.  When that worthy presented
+himself, Mr. Fielding says with an inimitable glib audacity:
+
+"Sir Thomas, after much weighing of the merits of this case, hath come
+to the conclusion that the evidence is not sufficient to send these
+prisoners for trial.  He is sensibly fearful of some miscarriage of
+justice, the more particularly as one of their number that you brought
+before him hath turned out on an examination to be anything but what he
+was represented.  Therefore Sir Thomas bids me to inform you that he
+hath decided to remit these charges.  And he would have you release
+these people at once, that they may go about their business.  And when
+you have done this, you are to take your men to the kitchen, where they
+are to have a good supper of beef and ale, and they can then repair to
+their homes.  And at least this course, this somewhat extreme course I
+may say, that Sir Thomas hath decided on will save you all from a long
+and weary vigil in the night air."
+
+However surprised the head-constable was at this unexpected turn of
+events, he was by no means disposed to cavil at it, since the only way
+in which the fate of the gypsies could affect himself was the one that
+Mr. Fielding had so adroitly indicated.  Not so the scandalized
+justice.  Fuddled as he was, he had enough wit left to apprehend what
+was going forward.  But he had not enough, however, to interpose his
+authority in a way that was at all likely to take effect.  At all his
+thick and nearly inarticulate protests, his friend Mr. Fielding kept
+hushing and soothing him down, with highly eloquent and imploring
+gestures.
+
+"Oh lord, Tommie," he would say, "I pray you have a care.  Here am I
+trying to conceal the fact that you are abominably drunk, and yet you
+will flaunt it and advertise it, before the servants too.  Think of
+your own dignity, Tommie, I beseech you."
+
+Whereon the head-constable would rub his coat-sleeve across his face to
+conceal his laughter.  Sir Thomas would grunt and wriggle and writhe
+his tipsy protests, and his friend, Mr. Fielding, with the oddest
+mingling of sorrow, amusement, and solemnity, apparently struggled to
+put the best face he could on the justice's scandalous behaviour.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME
+
+It was in this agreeable fashion that my unlucky friends obtained their
+release.  The justice was in no condition to cope with Mr. Fielding's
+peremptory ways; and the constable, seeing and caring nothing beyond
+the advantage to his own personal comfort, was not at all disposed to
+wait until the magistrate was in a better condition to express his
+opinions and good pleasure.  Thus he bowed to Sir Thomas whilst that
+inarticulate gentleman was still wrestling with his thick speech,
+assured him his will should be obeyed, and that he would see to it that
+his officers made a good supper in the kitchen, and took his departure
+without any reluctance whatever.
+
+"So much for that matter," says Mr. Fielding, highly pleased with the
+success of his own ingenuity.  "We have robbed the gallows of eight
+good necks and true, which is, I think, a pretty liberal evening's
+work.  Yet as this is a night for good works, let us spend it
+fittingly.  Ring the bell, Tommie, ring the bell.  The last of these
+bottles died a full two minutes ago."
+
+Unfortunately Sir Thomas was in no condition at this stage to comply
+with such a request, and Mr. Fielding had perforce to perform that
+office himself.  A fresh relay of wine was brought, and our glasses
+were filled up again.  Sitting here in the midst of these insidious
+allurements, well found in all bodily comfort and good companionship,
+it needed but a corresponding ease of mind to be as perfectly content
+as Mr. Fielding himself.  I had been most providentially delivered from
+a very real and immediate peril, had contributed to the saving of eight
+poor people from the gallows, and had exchanged the cold night for a
+far happier sanctuary; but with all this, I was nearly at the verge of
+despair.  Where was Cynthia?  What had happened to that poor child, and
+how could we hope to come together again!  Neither of us knew in which
+direction the other had gone; and to search for each other in that dark
+night was clearly impossible, seeing how complete was our ignorance of
+the neighbouring country.
+
+In my distraught state I mentioned my unhappy case to Mr. Fielding.
+He, with the sanguine temper that seemed to be so strangely
+characteristic of him, pooh-poohed my fears, and swore that all would
+come right by the morning.
+
+"I will wager you the last guinea I have got in the world," says he,
+"which by the way I borrowed from Tommie to bear me back to Fleet
+Street to-morrow, that you will see her pretty face in this parlour
+before you are prepared to leave it.  Why, man, if she hath any wit at
+all she will remain with the gypsies until they discover whither you
+have been taken, and then she will come to Tommie with a mighty long
+tale and a mighty heart-moving countenance.  I suppose it is that my
+wit runs wonderfully clear to-night, for I confess I can see the whole
+course of this matter as plain as the back of my hand."
+
+Mr. Fielding declared his opinions with such an energy, that in spite
+of myself I half subscribed to them.  Indeed, as he pointed out,
+nothing could be done by repining.  But as he followed up this last
+sage reflection in a manner peculiarly his own, no less than by the
+opening of a new bottle, I am not sure that the occasion itself was not
+the source of his wisdom.  "_Vino diffigiunt mordaces cur�_," says he,
+"an old, old tag, but a monstrous good one.  Come, my dear fellow, do
+not spoil the excellent impression you have already made.  I am sure to
+mump and moan is not in you; besides, you would be the last to have
+yourself numbered among the Tommies of the world, the half-bottle men.
+You are capable to bear me company for many an hour yet.  Come, let us
+grapple with melancholy and put him to sleep."
+
+I was in such a state of maudlin misery by this, thanks to the wine I
+had already drunk, and my dubious speculation in regard to Cynthia,
+that I soon fell a-prey to Mr. Fielding's importuning.  That lusty
+full-blooded fellow was not to be denied.  As I accepted glass after
+glass of the insidious liquor from his hands, I felt my resolution
+weaken as of old, and that same sense of large content and utter
+heedlessness of the morrow steal upon me.  As my brain grew hotter and
+heavier and less capable of thinking and doing, Cynthia's absence grew
+less poignant to it, and my own situation of the moment more perfectly
+acceptable.  It was truly Elysian to sit in this warm room and in this
+mellow society, after having been without a roof to one's head and in
+such peril for so many hours.  The sense of abandoning oneself by slow
+degrees and against one's proper judgment to this forbidden pleasure,
+was fraught with a delight that it is only in the power of the illicit
+to bestow.  At the same time that I knew Mr. Fielding's point of view
+was specious and worthless, _vide_ the teachings of a bitter
+experience, I could hardly find it in my heart to resist his wit, the
+compliment of his good-fellowship, his whole-hearted gaiety.  He was
+such a lovable spirit that he would have seduced the first of the
+Pharisees to hang with him at Tyburn, for the sake of the
+companionship.  It would have taken sterner stuff than was ever in me
+to deny or resist him.
+
+It was not long before the justice was so overcome by the contents of
+his cellar that he drooped his head on the table and straightway fell
+fast asleep.  Mr. Fielding, who was himself so seasoned that his face
+hardly shone as yet, laughed, and says with a kind of kingly pity:
+
+"What a penny-halfpenny haberdasher of a man it is!  _C'est un vrai
+�picier_.  Strip him of his paunch, his purse, and his knighthood, and
+there remains one who hath no more parts than a Presbyterian.  If I
+were old Sir John, I would undertake to make a better man out of a
+cheese paring.  It is a pretty behaviour in him, when we are sitting at
+this table, bearing ourselves so gallantly before his claret.  But
+after all, I would prefer that his honour should speak with his nose
+rather than with his mouth.  Both organs are equally witty; and we are
+under no obligation to answer his lustiest performances in that style."
+
+It was not long before I began to feel some inklings of a disposition
+to imitate Sir Thomas.  Fortunately Mr. Fielding did not observe it in
+me; and he on his side was so brisk and jovial-hearted that he easily
+found enough of conversation for us both.  And he was so prolific that
+I am sure he would have been the last to notice it.  My bosom was no
+longer torn with the same pain when my thoughts reverted to Cynthia.
+My wits were so deadened that I had a sort of sweet sorrow instead; the
+sorrow whose expression is an amiable snuffling melancholy, and a
+tender reflection on the days that are past.  I was fast sinking into
+the depths of this maudlin condition, when a diversion occurred that
+mercifully kept me from it, even as my mind tottered on the brink.  A
+servant entered with the information that a woman was at the hall door
+demanding to see the justice on a most particular business.  In an
+instant a great possibility possessed me completely, and startled me
+out of the bibulous lassitude that was creeping upon me.
+
+"What kind of a woman?" I asked eagerly, "A very beautiful woman, a
+most adorably beautiful woman, with the voice of a nightingale and as
+dainty in her carriage as, as----  Fielding, an you love me, give me a
+simile--as dainty as----"
+
+"The swift Camilla," says he instantly, "the virgin Volscian queen, as
+she
+
+  'Flies o'er th' unbending corn, or skims along the main,'
+
+in the crude language of the crookbacked Twickenham bard.  If you were
+not so drunk I would give it you in Virgil's eleganter tongue."
+
+"I don't know what the female's like in her carriage," says the fellow,
+regarding us both with a very natural bewilderment, "for she's not come
+in no carriage, do you see.  She's come afoot.  But she's a shortish
+wench, with a pert tongue, and she's a-crying like fun."
+
+Prosaic as this description was, and sensibly differing as it did from
+the one I had furnished, I was sure that the female was no other than
+Cynthia.  That there could be other shortish wenches in the world with
+pert tongues, who were capable of crying like fun, never entered my
+head.  It may have been that I had so continually brooded on her fate,
+or the guilt of my conscience was so keen as to lead me to this
+conclusion on such slender grounds.  Relieved as I was, I yet had some
+twinges of contrition.  Despite my heavy-witted state I was fully alive
+to it, and mightily uneasy as to the figure I must make in her eyes.
+
+"A pretty kettle of fish," says I, "that I should be as drunk----"
+
+"As a lord," suggested Mr. Fielding.
+
+"As drunk as a lord on our wedding-day.  I pray you have pity on my
+state, sir, and help me out as much as you can."
+
+"My dear fellow," says Mr. Fielding, "this is no sort of talk.  It is
+unworthy of you.  Why, nothing could have been better contrived, sir.
+Can anything be more commendable than that a man should begin as he
+means to go on.  One cannot begin too soon to bring up one's wife
+properly."
+
+"Poor little toad," says I.  "When she sees me like this I am sure she
+will weep more bitterly."
+
+"Hath she never seen you drunk before?" says Fielding.
+
+"Never," says I.
+
+"It is time she did then," says he.  "But after all, as it is your
+wedding-day there may be some little reason for your perturbation.  She
+is still the first woman in Christendom, I suppose, and you are still
+the true prince.  It can contribute nothing to the welfare of either
+for you to be seen at such little advantage.  Get thee behind the
+screen there and leave this to me."
+
+Having still enough wit to be fully aware of my unfortunate condition;
+and being at the same time assailed with many pangs for having so
+callously sat down to my ease before the bottle, whilst I was seemingly
+content to allow her to roam the night to find me, I felt truly
+shamefaced and hangdog.  I was but too ready therefore to embrace any
+proposal that might alleviate my position.  Certainly Mr. Fielding had
+a much better command of himself than I had, and was therefore much
+more fitted to receive her.  Besides, I was so deeply imbued with my
+desperate case that I counted on his ready wit to shield me from an
+exposure.
+
+Therefore I stumbled into concealment behind the screen, and drunk as I
+was, I was sufficiently sober to follow and to keenly appreciate the
+whimsical scene that was enacted before my eyes.  Sir Thomas being
+hopelessly surrendered to Morpheus, Mr. Fielding profanely assumed his
+character.  But at least the mad rogue played it with a far finer
+spirit and _abandon_ than the justice could have done.  When my poor
+little Cynthia was ushered in, for she it was undoubtedly, he rose,
+gout and all, to greet her, and bowed very low.
+
+"Pray take a seat, madam, pray take a seat," says he, with an
+inimitable gesture of politeness.  "And if there is any small service
+that you would have me render you you have only to put a name to it,
+and you may consider it rendered."
+
+My poor little one, who was very pale and trembled with apprehension,
+peered out of the hood of her cloak with the tears still in her eyes.
+Despite Mr. Fielding's obvious gallantry she gazed at him with a dim
+distrust, and then cast a look of downright fearfulness in the
+direction of the heavy-slumbering Sir Thomas.  It was the first time I
+had been in a situation to observe these feminine timidities in her,
+and methought they enhanced her a hundredfold.
+
+"I would not have you regard that fuddle-witted fellow, madam," says
+Mr. Fielding, mad wag as he was.  "He is but a common hackney writer of
+a man, Henry Fielding by name, who hath come out of Grub Street to take
+the country air.  And the country air hath proved too strong for him,
+do you see.  Do not regard that fellow, madam: believe me he is quite
+unworthy of your attention."
+
+The excess of chivalry with which this was uttered did something to
+compose poor Cynthia; though why such flummery should have imposed upon
+her I cannot tell.  Even a parcel of lies, if it is made up into the
+semblance of a delicate attention, can do a great work with that sex,
+apparently.  Anyhow, Cynthia sufficiently overcame her trepidation to
+find the courage to ask:
+
+"Are you Sir Thomas Wheatley, sir?"
+
+"You can call me that, madam," says Mr. Fielding.
+
+"Then do you know anything of my--my husband?" says Cynthia.
+
+"Your husband, madam," says he.  "I did not know that you had a
+husband.  Since when have you had a husband, madam?"
+
+At this point Cynthia blushed divinely.  All her proverbial pertness
+was fled.  The situation was too great for the foibles she had
+acquired.  She stood forth in her strange predicament just a simple
+rustic maid, who longed to express her misery in tears, but was too
+proud to do so.  Thus, with an ingenuousness that I had never observed
+in her before, she faltered:
+
+"Since--since this morning, sir."
+
+"Since this morning, madam," says Fielding, "and you have lost him
+already.  Is it credible?  He did not leave you at the church door, I
+hope."
+
+"He did not leave me at all, sir," says Cynthia.
+
+"Then if he did not leave you at all, madam, why is he not with you
+now?" says Mr. Fielding.
+
+Little by little, with numberless hesitations and small attempts at
+concealment on her part, and many sly quips and verbal quibbles on his
+own, the roguish fellow drew out of her a fair account of the state of
+the case.  Cynthia's anxiety to conceal her husband's name and how he
+came to be placed in such an unhappy pass, afforded Mr. Fielding a
+great deal of pleasure.  He was continually springing awkward questions
+upon her with a wonderful appearance of judicial innocence; and to
+observe the unfortunate chit wriggle and contort herself out of many an
+awkward corner was as good as a play.  It was a cruel sport, perhaps,
+and I half thought it so at the time; but I am sure Fielding did not
+hold it to be such, for I do not think it was in him wittingly to give
+pain to anyone.  This whimsical by-play was really directed against me,
+for when he had got her into a more than usually tight corner he would
+look at me, as I frowned at him from my hiding-place, with a face that
+dared me to intervene.
+
+"I am afraid, madam," says Fielding, "you are not dealing with me quite
+fairly.  I must really assure you that this repeated and noticeable
+concealment--I can use no less explicit term--of your husband's name is
+most embarrassing.  With the best will in the world to serve your
+interests, and to aid you to the extent of my poor ability, how can I
+give you any information about your husband if you will not take me far
+enough into your confidence to vouchsafe me his name?  Even though I am
+a justice of the peace, I do not pretend to any supernatural knowledge.
+I am no mystery-reader, nor a worker of miracles."
+
+Poor Cynthia's dilemma was desperate.  She did not know how to act.  I
+shook my fist at the wicked wag, and began to wish heartily that I had
+not added to my other weaknesses by shirking the consequences of them.
+I longed to come to her aid.  But I had less desire than ever to expose
+myself now; and after all here was a very pretty comedy.
+
+"Come, come, madam," says Mr. Fielding.  "I would not have you trifle
+with justice in this manner.  What is your husband's name?"
+
+"His name is Smith," says she at last, taking the name we had been
+married in.
+
+The pseudo-justice expressed his disappointment.  He grieved to say
+that to the best of his knowledge no person of that name had called
+upon him that evening.
+
+"But he was among the gypsies that were brought to your house this
+evening," Cynthia persisted.  "What is become of them?"
+
+"Is your husband a gypsy, madam?" says he.  "I should have thought it
+not at all likely, to judge by the appearance of his wife?"
+
+"No, he is not," says she.
+
+"Then why is he concerned with gypsies in such a scandalous charge?"
+
+At every turn the mischievous fellow contrived some new means of
+embarrassing her story; and at the same time he embarrassed my patience
+also, as he very well knew.  But it was quite in vain for me to publish
+my threats from behind the screen.  Both of us were delivered into his
+hands.
+
+"I am disappointed that he was among the gypsies, madam," says he,
+"since they were discharged and sent away several hours ago."
+
+"Oh," says Cynthia eagerly, "how glad I am to hear that!"  But then her
+face fell.  "How may I find him?" she says, very anxiously.
+
+"Nay, madam," says Fielding, "that is more than I can tell.  But I am
+disappointed to hear that his name is Smith.  You are sure his name is
+Smith, madam?"
+
+Cynthia hesitated between hope and fear.  Could it be possible that my
+true name had been discovered, and that concealment was no longer
+desirable or necessary?
+
+"It is most strange, madam," says her relentless persecutor, "that you
+should not be certain of the name of your own husband.  I suppose you
+could not by any chance have made a mistake in regard to the name of
+him?"
+
+"I might have done," poor Cynthia faltered; whilst I felt such an
+overpowering desire to execute a prompt vengeance on the wretch that it
+was as much as I could do to remain in my seclusion.
+
+"Well, if you might have done," says he, "his name could not by any
+chance have begun with a 'T.'  Could his name be something like 'Tivy,'
+or 'Tantivy'?"
+
+Poor Mrs. Cynthia had completely lost her bearings by this.  She was
+utterly nonplussed, and looked at the wicked Fielding as helplessly as
+a child.  She was still unable to overcome her scruples about revealing
+my real name.  To do so to a justice of the peace of all people in the
+world was like to be a most imprudent act.  But at the same time she
+could not rid her mind of the thought that he already knew more than he
+would tell.
+
+"Tivy or Trivy or Tantivy," says Mr. Fielding; "you are sure his name
+is nothing of that sort?  Now could it by any chance be Tiverton?"
+
+At this mention of my name Cynthia was unable to go further with her
+imposture.  With a face of much confusion and distress she made the
+confession.
+
+"Well, madam," says Mr. Fielding reproachfully, "why could you not have
+said so at once without so much beating about the bush?  Really the
+name of Smith was too facile, too obvious.  Now as it happens, I am in
+a position to know where my Lord Tiverton is."
+
+"Oh, sir," says Cynthia, clasping her hands, "I beseech you to tell me
+of his whereabouts."
+
+"Yes, my dear madam," says Mr. Fielding, "that I will, on one
+condition."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia eagerly asked it.
+
+"That you give me a kiss," says Mr. Fielding.  "I vow and protest,
+madam, I never saw a creature more divinely handsome."
+
+My breath was almost taken away by the audacity of the villain, as I
+fear he had intended that it should be.  But what could I contribute to
+the situation beyond a few impotent threats, made in dumb show?  I was
+never had at a greater disadvantage in my life?  It was in vain that
+Cynthia evaded the demand, and besought him by the name of humanity to
+tell her where I lay.  The spirit of mischief in the fellow, inflamed
+by the quantity of wine he had drunk, caused him to brook no denial.
+
+"Come, my dear madam," says he, "one kiss from those dainty lips is all
+I seek.  Then i'faith shall you know where your husband lies."
+
+"You are no gentleman, sir," says Cynthia, with more spirit than she
+had yet shown.
+
+"No, only a justice of the peace," says he.
+
+"It is cruel of you," says Cynthia, flaming, "to drive such a bargain
+in these circumstances.  You know it is not in my power to say you nay
+when so much is at stake."
+
+"To be sure I do," says he, favouring me with a triumphing look.  "And
+as for the cruelty of it, surely the onus of that matter lies with you.
+Is it not your adorable sex that provokes that which it denies?  It is
+ever a point with me that if I can ever take any little revenge upon
+you, I take it with an easy conscience, knowing full well that you
+beauteous ladies have scored up such a heavy tally of cruelties as can
+never be expunged.  Besides, madam, where is this cruelty you speak of?
+Am I not at least as well favoured as this ugly profligate Lord
+Tiverton of yours; and is there not the additional advantage of my not
+being your lawful wedded husband?"
+
+"I would that Lord Tiverton were here to hear you say this," says
+Cynthia indignantly.
+
+"Bah," says Mr. Fielding, "the water-blooded fellow, I would that he
+were too, then I with five pints of good claret in me would prove upon
+his miserable person how mean a figure he doth cut."
+
+It was with the utmost difficulty that I could hold back at this
+challenge.  I might be very drunk, and therefore doubly disposed to
+resent such wanton insults; but I was also sober enough to be aware
+that they were not prompted by ill-nature.  It was a piece of mischief
+merely.  We were entirely at his mercy, and he proposed to torment us
+to death.  Could a fourth person have witnessed this play, he would
+have found it a truly diverting affair.  First Cynthia was made to
+writhe, and then I; and then both of us together; yet at the same time
+each quite unknown to the other; whilst the audacious rogue of a fellow
+mocked at us both, and defied us to prevent ourselves being made
+ridiculous.  The unfortunate Cynthia was led on by his disparagement of
+me to take up the cudgels warmly on my behalf.  The sly look of
+satisfaction that shone in him when she did so, was proof enough, if
+any were needed, that she was still ministering to his diversion.
+
+"I give you the lie there, sir," says she angrily.  "How dare you
+presume to malign such a noble brave gentleman!  You utter behind his
+back that which you dare not utter to his face."
+
+"Good a thousand times," says Mr. Fielding.  "This is delightful.
+Harkee, my noble, brave gentleman, and tell me if I do not utter it to
+your face!"
+
+I clenched my fists; I vowed to myself I would not suffer this impudent
+sport another minute.  But then there was no gainsaying that I was
+abominably drunk; that my pretty innocent was but a child; and that it
+was our wedding-day.  Come what may, I must bear with the fellow's mad
+humour for the present, and requite him in a more seasonable hour.
+
+Cynthia might be angry and I extremely discomposed, but Mr. Fielding
+still pressed his jest.
+
+"No, madam, I will not be put off with your arrogance," says he.  "I
+demand one token from those charming lips as the price of the
+satisfaction that you seek."
+
+Covered with a modest confusion, Cynthia was preparing to comply with
+this demand unwillingly enough, when I was no longer able to contain my
+just resentment.  Whatever the consequences, we should not be flouted
+so.  Therefore as the impudent fellow was in the very act of forcing
+this concession from her, I threw caution to the winds, and sprang
+forth from my concealment in a violent rage.  I aimed a mighty blow at
+Mr. Fielding's head; but what with my impetuosity, combined with my
+drunken condition, I miscalculated the distance sadly, and instead of
+getting home on that audacious person, missed him entirely, and fell
+full length at Cynthia's feet.
+
+Between her distressed exclamations and Mr. Fielding's immoderate
+laughter I was got up again, to find myself a little sobered by the
+fall.  With a joyful recognition of me, and a truly withering glance of
+contempt for Mr. Fielding, neither of which I can positively depict,
+Cynthia fell into my arms, and showered upon me those salutes Mr.
+Fielding had been so importunate to obtain.  But I must confess that I
+received them with a great deal more of shame than pleasure; for Mr.
+Fielding regarded us with such a degree of boisterousness, that the
+bitter fact suddenly came upon me that in my guilt I had committed her
+to the tender mercies of a person even more drunk than I was myself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+AMANTIUM IR�
+
+"Curse my jacket," says the drunken fellow, "if this is not the first
+time I have kissed a wife in the presence of her husband."
+
+"It shall be the last, sir," I hiccoughed furiously.
+
+"What words are these to use before a lady?" says Mr. Fielding, amiably
+measuring out glasses of wine for the three of us.  "If I were not the
+most easy man in the world, I vow and protest it should be coffee and
+pistols at five."
+
+"By God, sir, it shall be whatever you are," says I, holding on by the
+table.  "I swear I will pup--punish you for this."
+
+"Well, as you are determined to pup--punish me," says he, "here is
+another glass of Tommie's claret, another hair of the dog that bit you,
+to confirm you in that meritorious resolve."
+
+As he laughingly offered me the glass of wine, Cynthia came forward and
+took it from him.  But instead of giving it to me, she flung both the
+wine and the glass in his face.  Whereon he stood with the claret
+dripping from his features, and the blood too where the broken glass
+had cut his forehead, so that he made the very picture of his own
+Parson Adams, when he was assailed in a similar way by the hostess of
+the inn with the pan of hog's blood.
+
+Poor Cynthia stood white and trembling, but she never once looked at me
+for counsel or countenance.  The tears were in her eyes too, but she
+never uttered so much as a word of reproach, although I am sure her
+misery was very great.  I never felt such a mean villain and coward in
+my life as I did then.
+
+"Come," says she, "let us leave these--these people."
+
+Here she threw such a glance at the sleeping justice that must have
+pierced him to the marrow had he but been conscious of it.  By this,
+however, Mr. Fielding with the aid of his silk handkerchief had wiped a
+good deal of the wine and blood from his features, and stood staunching
+the wound on his forehead.  A more truly whimsical expression I never
+observed in any man before.  There was a highly comic look of
+contrition, humility, and self-abnegation in him, and withal an air of
+the most perfect good-breeding, that could not possibly have been more
+contrary to his appearance.  Although Cynthia was white and speechless
+with anger, and she had made what might easily have been construed into
+a very unprovoked attack on a benefactor, Mr. Fielding behaved,
+whatever his faults, as only a true gentleman could have done.
+Cynthia's act had brought him to his senses; he saw that he had pushed
+the matter too far; but after all he did not apprehend, as I more
+shrewdly did, that the head and front of his offending lay, not so much
+in his own conduct, as in that he had been the inspirer of mine.
+
+"I crave a thousand pardons of you, madam," says he, "if I have been so
+unlucky as to carry a jest farther than a jest should go.  Perchance it
+was not conceived in quite the best taste at the outset; but at least I
+make you all amends.  I am sure I am your duteous humble servant,
+madam, if you will but permit me to be so."
+
+Only a person with the instincts of a true gentleman could have shown
+such a punctilious regard for the feelings of another, and such a
+disregard for his own.  For in a sense he had been deeply provoked, and
+had suffered more indignity on his own part than any that he had
+inflicted on Mrs. Cynthia.  But no, my little madam refused to be
+mollified by his humble demeanour.  She looked steadily past him, as
+though he had ceased to be there at all.  Upon that my own brief spirit
+of anger cooled down immediately; for certainly I thought, considering
+his unhappy plight, poor Fielding was playing a very gallant part.
+
+"I think there is enough said, sir," says I, striving to speak as
+articulately as possible.  "I am sure you do very well; and I am
+equally sure that the apologies should not be all on your side."
+
+Whereon we grasped the hand of one another, and were sworn friends
+again.  Yet although Cynthia would not deign to notice my behaviour one
+way or the other, on the other hand, greatly to Mr. Fielding's
+distress, she would not condone the conduct of that honest fellow.  Her
+imperviousness hurt him the more, I think, because he did not apprehend
+the true reason for it.  She could have forgiven his having smoked her
+so badly, but what she could not forgive was that he had made her
+husband drunk.  I dare say it was that she was acting on the invariable
+principle that a woman will never own her lord and master in the wrong
+to a third person.  And as she must vent her anger on some one, and she
+could not very well vent it on me, the true culprit, Mr. Fielding was
+made to suffer vicariously.
+
+"Come, Jack," says she haughtily, disdaining Mr. Fielding's repeated
+solicitude; "let us wipe the foulness of this disgraceful place off our
+feet.  If daylight came and caught us in it, I could never respect
+myself again."
+
+The stress of these events had done a great deal for my sobriety.  I
+was still acutely conscious of my condition, but I had recovered enough
+of my wits to be able to battle with it successfully.  That being the
+case, I clearly saw that my little one was like to do a great injustice
+to Mr. Fielding.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I conceive you do not know what we owe to the
+generosity of this gentleman.  Had it not been for his friendly offices
+I should have been still in the hands of the constables."
+
+"I had rather you had," says she cruelly, "than that you should have
+passed into his."
+
+Not only was I hurt by such arbitrary behaviour; I was angered by it
+too.  It seemed monstrous that so small a fault in a liberal character
+should be allowed to outweigh the essential goodness of it.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I trust you will not refer to our benefactor in
+these terms.  He is far too good a friend of ours to merit your
+reproaches."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia lifted her chin again, and disdained to reply.
+
+"Come," says I, "I would have you take back the expressions you have
+used towards him.  For I am sure no man merited them less."
+
+"Never," says she.
+
+"The lady is overwrought a little," says Mr. Fielding, coming gallantly
+if somewhat unwisely to my aid.  "Is she not weary and distrest?  Sir
+Thomas, were he not otherwise engaged, would be delighted to place a
+chamber at madam's disposal for the remainder of this evening.  May I
+have the honour to do so in his name, for I am sure she is in a great
+need of repose?"
+
+"I thank you, sir," says Cynthia coldly, "but I am surprised that you
+should presume to propose a service that you must know, after what hath
+passed, must be highly distasteful to me."
+
+"You do the gentleman a great wrong," says I, with some heat.  "And I
+am sure, madam, when you look at this matter more reasonably, you will
+be the first to acknowledge it.  I thank you, sir, from the bottom of
+my heart for this kind offer, also for those other services you have
+rendered to us; and I beg to accept it of you, sir, in the name of my
+wife, in the spirit in which it is given."
+
+I thought that some such speech was no more than Mr. Fielding's due,
+but the effect of it was greatly marred by Cynthia's unreasonable
+conduct.  Drawing herself up into all the majesty of her five feet
+nothing, she bowed to us both in an imperious manner.
+
+"I wish you a good evening, Mr.----, I did not catch your name," says
+she.  "You also, my lord, as you choose to remain."
+
+Before we could reply, or any attempt could be made to detain her, she
+turned on her heel and swept forth of the room, straight out of the
+house into the black midnight.  There was no other course open to me
+but to follow her.  But ere I did so, I clasped Mr. Fielding warmly by
+the hand, again thanked him for his generous behaviour, and made some
+sort of an apology for that of Cynthia.  He, good fellow, although
+evidently perturbed that he should have so distrest her, was yet very
+warm on his part too, and as I was going out, slipped the only guinea
+he had in the world into my hand.  I protested strongly and refused to
+take it.
+
+"My dear fellow," says he, "you are ill-advised to refuse it.  I know
+what even that sum must mean to one in your condition, when the hand of
+every man is against you.  To be sure by accepting it you will be a
+guinea better off than your benefactor.  But at least I have a few
+friends left, however little I may merit them; and although it be ever
+my fate to have my character judged by those foibles that I am least
+willing to have it judged by."
+
+Indeed he so insisted on my accepting this highly desirable guinea,
+that there was no other course than to take it, however reluctantly;
+for to have refused it might have seemed churlish.  And Heaven knows
+that it is the last thing I would have risked after what had happened.
+
+"Sir," says I, "I can wish no better than that we should meet again,
+and in happier circumstances.  You have been a true friend, and I hope
+I may live to requite you.  And I hope, sir, you will think no more of
+the humours of my poor little wife; you who have shown such a knowledge
+of the ways of her adorable sex will be the first to condone them in
+her.  You will not forget, sir, that she hath lately been called on to
+endure a great deal."
+
+"More than enough of that matter, my dear fellow," says he heartily.
+
+I am sure he must have been hurt, but he was by far too true-bred a
+gentleman to betray as much.  I fear we were both still a little drunk,
+but I do not think the fervour of our leave-takings owed anything to
+the heat of our brains.  To this day I have always thought of this fine
+spirit, this great master of the science of human nature, with the same
+degree of affection.  As for him, I do not suppose he ever gave me a
+second thought, or if he did, I could be nothing more than a whimsical
+circumstance, a piece of romantical history.  But at the time of our
+parting, his pitiful, generous heart enabled him to feel a very real
+concern for my welfare, and also for that of my wayward little one who
+had treated him so harshly.
+
+No sooner had I left Mr. Fielding waving his frank good-bye from the
+steps of the house, than I set off running in hot pursuit of Cynthia.
+The gate of the porter's lodge at the end of the long dark avenue of
+overhanging trees was just closing upon her, when I overtook her.  She
+was in too proud and defiant a mood to pay any attention to the fact
+that I had done so, and that I was walking greatly out of breath by her
+side.
+
+I followed her implicitly into the weary darkness.  I did not dare to
+break the dogged silence she maintained, and therefore maintained one
+too.  For I had not walked a mile in the cool night air before I was as
+sober as any man could be.  And perfect sobriety brought a new shame
+and a fuller measure of repentance.  Lord knows, I had been drunk often
+enough before; more completely and uproariously so; I had committed far
+greater excesses in that state than any I had been guilty of that
+evening; and yet now for almost the first time I conceived a disgust
+for such a folly.  Lord knows, I am so little of a pietist that the
+sense of humiliation which came upon me as I walked by the side of the
+silent Cynthia was so foreign to my character, that I almost laughed at
+myself for suffering it.  Yet at the same time I was bitterly angry
+with myself.  No man's weaknesses could have led him to play a more
+unworthy part.
+
+As we walked mile upon mile on the dark, tree-shadowed highway that led
+to anywhere, everywhere, and nowhere, there never was so moral a person
+as I outside the moral pages of Mr. Richardson.  Self-abasement creaked
+out of my boots, self-reproach fluttered out of my brains,
+self-abnegation beat out of my heart.  I forget the name of the Moral
+Muse; indeed, now I come to think of it, there is most probably none
+such among them, for I fear they are baggages all.  But in the name of
+the righteous lady, whoever she be, was there ever such a hang-dog
+rogue as I?--such a whipt cur with his tail between his legs?
+
+Hours came and hours went, the steeples of neighbouring village
+churches chimed two o'clock, three and four, but still we wandered on,
+while never a word passed from one to the other.  At times I feared my
+poor little one was crying softly to herself, but I had not the courage
+to attempt to find out if that were so.  Instead, my fingers would
+tighten on Mr. Fielding's guinea, whereon such a poignancy would be
+added to my sufferings that I was tempted at times to cast his money
+incontinently to the road, as a heroic but not very intelligible
+concession to them, in the hope that I might purchase at that price a
+moment's surcease to my pains.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS
+
+The measure of Cynthia's resentment might be inferred from that of her
+endurance.  The weary silent miles she trudged along must have called
+forth a great impetus from within, for without that stimulus the poor
+little creature must have drooped and flagged upon the dark road long
+ere she did.  It was not until the birds began to chirp in the trees,
+and the grey face of the dawn began to speckle the darkness that she
+abated her defiant paces.  But once she had begun to do so, the
+weakness grew rapidly upon her.
+
+Presently she stumbled and nearly fell.  Then it was I took the courage
+to venture on the first of my penitent advances.  I lightly touched her
+shoulder to support her.  Finding that she had not the strength, I
+hardly dare say the inclination, to resist, I took her at last by the
+arm, very tenderly at first, but then a little more firmly, and then
+more firmly still.  Thus, without a word passing on the side of either,
+the sense of our comradeship was re-established.  If I could not feel
+that I was forgiven, I might take the comfort to myself that I was
+suffered.
+
+It soon grew apparent, now that the meridian of poor Cynthia's wrath
+was overpast, that the child would have to pay the price of it.  She
+became a very weight in my arms, and with the first beams of daylight
+was ready to faint with fatigue.  In the reaction of her mood she
+yielded herself to my will as readily and completely as ever.
+Therefore, to spare her as much as I could, I seized the first occasion
+to give her a place of rest.
+
+In the little light there were no houses to be seen, and even had there
+been, it was too early to hope to gain sanctuary in them.  There was a
+wood, however, close at hand, whither I partly led and partly carried
+her.  Within its warm and dry recesses, I selected a couch of green
+earth for her underneath a great tree, whose rough bark made something
+of a pillow for her head.  First, I took off my great-coat and spread
+it on the ground as comfortably as I could, placed her upon it, and
+then divesting myself of my thick, rough jacket wrapped her snugly in
+it.  The poor child was no sooner fixed in a position of some little
+comfort than she fell fast asleep.
+
+While she was very mercifully occupied thus, I spent several hours in
+pacing up and down the glades of the wood to keep myself warm, for,
+after all, in the air of the dawn, the sleeves of one's shirt are no
+very adequate protection.  To diversify this occupation I hunted an
+occasional squirrel, but with no prospect of catching one; and lay in
+wait, stone in hand, for many a white-tailed rabbit, but did so in
+vain.  Indeed, the only good fortune that fell to me in these nefarious
+pursuits was the discovery of a bird's-nest with several fine eggs in
+it.  But somehow I had not the heart to disturb those exquisite things;
+it may have been, especially as a small piece of sentiment may not come
+amiss even to the sworn enemies of it on an occasion of this kind, that
+the distrest birds and the distrest Cynthia had something in common.
+
+Any lingering fumes of wine being long since out of my head, thanks to
+the operations of the wholesome open air, I grew conscious of a very
+distinct craving for food about eight of the clock.  It was then that
+the thought of the generous Mr. Fielding's guinea proved such a source
+of solid comfort.  One must be a vagrant by the wayside, dependent on
+chance for one's crusts of bread, to experience what the contemplation
+of twenty-one shillings sterling means, when that contemplation is
+sharpened and assisted by a biting hunger.  In the days of my material
+greatness, not my houses, lands, revenues, not all my precious
+possessions had the power to bestow upon me that inexpressible sense of
+delightful anticipation which Mr. Fielding's guinea was able to do.  A
+whole guinea to a desperately hungry mortal who for two days had begged
+his bread!  What would it not purchase?  How much sheer honest feeding
+did it represent!  It would permit of delicate feeding, too, for
+Cynthia.  A fine lusty mutton-pasty for the earl; and a bowl of
+cream-covered milk, flanked with the whitest bread and the purest
+butter, for his countess.
+
+Cynthia still slept so soundly that I could not find it in my heart to
+rouse her.  Quite a long time I debated within myself whether to leave
+her thus whilst I betook myself to the nearest house in quest of food.
+At last, as she showed no signs of waking yet, I determined to do so.
+Fixing the spot with particular care in my mind where she lay, I went
+off briskly on my errand.  Happily a farm-house of goodly size was but
+a little distant; and here, by the aid of the magic guinea, was I
+accommodated, though, to be sure, without any special degree of favour.
+And at least my appearance could not be said to merit it.  I was
+without my coat, my clothes were coarse, and the worse for travel, I
+still bore a black eye, and the small wound at the side of my head was
+still rendered visible by the blood that had dried about it.  But as I
+had promised myself I got a draught of most excellent ale, a
+mutton-pasty too, which I bore along with me to eat at my leisure;
+whilst I procured for Cynthia a jug of warm milk, and fresh butter
+spread on some dainty slices of bread.
+
+As soon as I returned to the place where Cynthia lay, she awoke,
+wonderfully refreshed and with no trace of the distresses of the
+previous night about her.  She gave expression to her delight when I
+proudly produced her breakfast; whereon I redonned my coat.  And no
+sooner did she observe the use to which it had been put, than she
+upbraided me for discarding it.  Seating myself beside her, we made a
+perfectly admirable meal, but perhaps it was not after all our keen
+hunger that made the best sauce to it, but rather the fact that we were
+both in our natural minds again, and that our differences were
+forgotten.  All the same, I devoutly hoped that my dear Cynthia would
+not pause to inquire from what source the royal breakfast sprang.  I
+had no wish, you may be sure, to associate it with Mr. Fielding,
+however black the ingratitude.  Happily the question was not asked.
+
+When we had made our meal in this happy fashion, we repaired to the
+farm-house from which it had been obtained, to crave permission to
+perform our ablutions.  By paying for the same, we were able to make
+them in some comfort.  Like the arrant spendthrifts that we were, money
+was no object to us so long as our fortune lasted.  This accomplished,
+we set off again wonderfully refreshed in mind and body.  It was a
+sweetly fair spring morning, that made us step forth blithely.  It
+takes a very old and hardened cynic to resist nature at her vernal
+period.  And I think our reconciliation added to our happiness,
+although not once did we allude to the unlucky events of the night
+before.  But we exhibited such a fine consideration for one another
+now, and were so scrupulous of every little detail of our demeanour one
+towards the other, as plainly showed that the articles of peace were
+being heartily subscribed to by us both.  All the way it was, "Let me
+carry thy coat, my pretty one," or "Darling, walk this side of me in
+the shade lest the sun should overpower you," or "I do hope this bright
+sunshine will not affect your poor, broken pate."
+
+Sedulously avoiding all places of any size, lest our enemies should be
+lurking in them, we selected a modest roadside inn, in which to rest at
+mid-day, having left, I think, the town of Guildford some two miles to
+our right.  Here we ate and drank again with a degree of comfort that,
+considering our low estate, was quite luxurious.  So discreetly had we
+ordered the reckoning too, that there would be means enough left to us
+to furnish us with supper and a bed at some similar unpretentious inn
+when evening came.  You may believe me, or believe me not, but merely
+to think of sleeping once again on a bed of feathers, after having
+passed the best part of the two previous nights and days afoot, was
+almost a distracting pleasure.  I suppose a beggar's happiness consists
+solely in his belly and his bones; and even if it is not of the highest
+kind, what can be so intimate and full of zest?
+
+The evening came without any adventure worthy to be recorded.  We still
+kept well off the beaten tracks and were therefore so happy as not to
+encounter runners from Bow Street, indignant parents, nor scheming
+rivals.  The inn we selected was an ungenteel one enough in a remote
+village; and that night we supped and lay in it in conscious state, and
+royally spent the last of Mr. Fielding's guinea on a breakfast the
+following morning.  It was wanton in us, I dare say, to spend such a
+sum in a fashion so prodigal, but as yet our extremity had taught us no
+measure of prudence.  Besides, when we had not the wherewithal, were we
+not imbued with the excitements of those hunters who pursue for their
+needs?  It is an incomparable kind of sport to seek for food and
+lodging with devil a farthing to purchase it.
+
+With every penny of our late fortune squandered, we were again reduced
+to this employ.  It was then I bethought me of the gypsy's flute.  I
+bore it still in the pocket of my cloak; and had improvised several
+melodies already upon it to cheer our lonely way.  Thus, when we came
+to a village about noon, wanting refreshment and even a penny to
+furnish it, I boldly took forth the instrument and blew it for all I
+was worth as we walked slowly along the principal street.  Probably my
+notes were lustier and in better tune than is ordinary with others of
+this profession; or again, even an itinerant musician may have been a
+strange bird in this out-of-the-way place; for be it known that when
+Cynthia holding my hat in her hand sweetly importuned every staring
+yokel and every opened window with her daintiest smile and her
+gracefullest curtesy, we had acquired the sum of fourpence, mostly in
+halfpence, by the time we had come to the village alehouse.  Thither we
+repaired to invest this reward of our toil in as good a repast of bread
+and cheese and ale as could be obtained for the money.  We seasoned it
+by a fine argument as to whom the credit of it belonged.  I vowed it
+was my fine playing that was alone responsible for it; whilst Cynthia
+was equally firm in her conviction that it was entirely due to the
+elegance of her solicitations.
+
+We were mightily pleased with a prospect that offered a new source of
+revenue.  But ere long we were doomed to discover that it was not fair
+as we had supposed, and that it had its drawbacks.  This melancholy
+incident happened the very next time we put it in practice.  The scene
+of it was a somewhat larger village than the first, and we attracted
+such an amount of attention that I believe Cynthia collected as much as
+sevenpence in a very little while.  And so encouraged were we by the
+amount of favour with which we were received that we were emboldened to
+give a kind of set performance in front of the village ale-house.  It
+had even been decided that Cynthia should sing a love ballad, for she
+had a very sweet voice and was prettily accomplished in the use of it.
+
+Everything prospered with us admirably well for some time.  An audience
+gathered about us; and although a little inclined to be abashed at
+first, we overcame those feelings very soon and gave our singing and
+music with great spirit.  But just before we had come to the conclusion
+of the last piece, the throng was invaded by several stalwart fellows,
+amongst whom were the beadle of the parish and the squire of the place,
+both highly indignant to be sure.  The latter was red and fat and full
+of choler.
+
+"Take 'em both, Thomas," says he, wonderfully angry and stern, "and
+they shall be clapt into the stocks, sink me so they shall.  The idea
+of two vagrant wretches daring to affront me thus under my very nose.
+There shall be no playing of profane tricks and loud music in this
+parish, curse me if there shall be."
+
+Meanwhile the beadle, in the exercise of his authority, had twice set
+his dirty hands on my coat, and twice had I gently but firmly removed
+them.
+
+"I will venture to say we are doing no harm to any one, sir," says I to
+the squire, controlling my resentment as well as I could, and striving
+to ape a humility I did not feel.  "And surely, sir, you will not be
+too hard on poor people."
+
+This fellow, however, was plainly of that tribe that loves to exult
+over the weak.  It was his pleasure to display a greater and more
+despotic authority the less occasion there was for its exercise.  The
+meeker he found us the more unbending was his indignation.
+
+"How dare you venture to address me, you wandering vagabond?" says he.
+"Your damnable impertinence does but aggravate your offence.  I will
+see whether you will defy me, I will so.  You shall go to the stocks at
+once, and you may bless your fortune it is not the house of correction."
+
+It needed but a glance to assure us that to resist would be vain.  Not
+only the beadle, but several other persons under the immediate eye of
+this despot, were but too ready to curry favour with him by doing his
+bidding.  In fact, one and all of those present seemed to conceive a
+mighty admiration of his rage.  They felt such a display of anger and
+unfettered will to be sublime.  Therefore, we were pushed and hustled
+with many unnecessary indignities, all the throng following to the
+village green, and were set side by side in the stocks forthwith.  When
+we had been duly affixed in this place of humiliation, the squire made
+us quite a lengthy harangue, not so much I suspect for our edification
+as for the glory of himself.  His anger against us inoffensive
+creatures who answered him not a word, mounted higher and higher till
+it grew truly magnificent.  He stamped and raved and swore; he had a
+mind to do this, and a mind to do that, and 'fore God he would if it
+were not for the abominable leniency of his character.  The beadle kept
+nodding his head, and fretted himself into a kind of ecstasy of
+admiration of the squire's remarks; whilst the villagers could be heard
+to say to one another: "Lord, an't squire noble angry-like to be sure."
+But neither of us retorted on the fellow by so much as a word, and I
+think we were well advised not to do so, for had we but unbosomed
+ourselves of a very small part of what was in our hearts he might have
+had a real grievance to set against us.
+
+Therefore we both regarded him in silence, and strove to maintain a
+demeanour of the coldest disdain.  It was not very easy, to be sure, in
+that posture, with jeers and humiliation besetting us on every side.
+Yet we persevered in it so well that presently it did not fail in its
+effect.  For our persecutor was such a poltroon at heart that although
+we were secured and quite at his mercy, he no sooner observed that we
+scorned him, than the torrent of his eloquence grew sensibly less.  So
+long as we were humble and appeared to shrink and tremble before him,
+his rage knew no bounds.  But the moment we called in a little disdain
+to our aid, he grew less certain of himself, and was so baffled and
+held in check by it, that at last he bethought himself that he would
+best serve his dignity by taking himself off.  His parasite the beadle
+went with him, but a considerable number of the yokels stayed to keep
+us company.  Their disposition was to make sport of our misfortune.
+But how true is that old saw--so the master, so the man.
+
+For with a good deal of difficulty, as you may guess, we managed to
+preserve an appearance of mighty dignified unconcern, however far we
+might be from feeling it, and contrived to converse one with another in
+a perfectly natural and amiable manner, for all the world as though we
+were not sitting in the stocks at all, but in the village alehouse.  In
+the face of such a fine contempt the spectators were just as much at a
+loss as ever the squire had been.  They were there to bully and bait
+us, but under our unwavering eyes had not the courage to do so.  Indeed
+it seemed to involve such a degree of initiative on their part to kick
+two persons who after all were not thoroughly and effectually knocked
+down, that one by one they followed the example of the squire and slunk
+away.
+
+When the best part of these idle and mischievous persons had departed,
+and our admirers were diminished to about a score of the village
+urchins who were not to be so easily daunted, says I to my little
+companion, who to be sure had been wonderfully steadfast through all
+our misfortunes:
+
+"I think, your ladyship, we shall best forget the distresses of our
+present situation by arrogating to ourselves the grandeur of our former
+state.  How was the dear queen when you saw her last?  Had she quite
+recovered of her whooping-cough?"
+
+"Oh yes, I thank your lordship," says Cynthia glibly.  "But surely your
+lordship was at the lev�e last Tuesday month?"
+
+"No, rat me if I was," says I, with a languid air.  "The fact of the
+matter is, I have not the taste for these routs and drums and crushes
+and assemblies.  My father, the late lord, I have heard boast that he
+never missed above three in thirty years.  But I think your ladyship
+will be the first to own that in these days the _haut ton_ is not so
+vastly energetic as it once was.  For myself, I would be the first to
+confess that the practices and observances of the genteel and polite
+world weary me to distraction.  I never get into my Court suit but what
+I die of fatigue in the operation!"
+
+"His Grace of Middlesex I have heard speak to the same tenor," says
+Cynthia; "and often enough have I heard her grace the duchess reprove
+it in him."
+
+"I think," says I, "it was a fashion that first obtruded itself in the
+Prince of Wales."
+
+"Ah, the dear prince!" says she.  "How like his poor dear Royal
+Highness it is, to be sure!  I hope your lordship was not with him at
+that particular drawing-room where he took off so many of the gentlemen
+to play a game at basset or hazard or what not in the antechamber."
+
+"Primero, your ladyship," says I gravely.
+
+It was in this edifying fashion that we supported ourselves in our
+present trials.  Our conversation was carried to the very heights of
+the genteel, and was chiefly concerned with the Royal Family.  We
+mentioned nobody under a peer, and contrived to bring in those great
+persons in a highly inept and fashionable manner.  Had any one heard
+our conversation they must have marvelled to know how two people so
+vastly polite and who moved in such exalted circles could ever have
+come in that place.  The smack of humour in the thing was undeniable,
+but I am not sure that we did not retail those details, anecdotes, and
+reminiscences in the mincing, clipping tone of St. James's as much for
+a vindication of ourselves and a salve for our wounded feelings as for
+the whimsicality of the occupation.
+
+We were still beguiling the time in this way when the beadle came to
+release us.  In the performance of this office he gave us a great deal
+of advice that we could very well have dispensed with.  He was also
+charged with a message from the squire as to how much more serious the
+consequences would be if either of us were caught in those parts again.
+Having at last obtained our freedom, we were not long in shaking the
+dust of this unlucky parish off our feet.
+
+As we went away we were a good deal disconcerted by the turn our
+affairs were taking.  It was already growing dark, and sensibly colder,
+and worse, it was coming on to rain.  And we had but a matter of
+sevenpence to provide us with the supper that we should soon be greatly
+in need of, and a protection from the night's inclemency.  To have had
+recourse to the flute once more, and I gravely doubt after what had
+happened whether we should have had the stomach to have done so, would
+not have served us.  We were a long way from the next village, and the
+evening had already come.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS
+
+Hand-in-hand we trudged along valiantly.  The rain came, at first a
+thin, hesitating haze, then with a quicker patter and a brisker
+resolution, which presently settled into a steady sullen all-night
+down-pour.  We were very well shod, happily, and we drew our cloaks
+tightly about us, and turned our faces to the deluge.  To pass the
+night in the open air in weather of this sort was impossible, but we
+were like to be in the predicament of that first evening out of London.
+Once more were we wholly ignorant of the way, were in great discomfort
+of body, and had no wherewithal by which we could relieve it.  We were
+again called on to endure all the discomforts inseparable from our lot.
+The only sound from the great darkness that covered the land was the
+squish of the water under our feet, and the ceaseless twitter of the
+rain on the road.  Although our clothes were a steaming burden, and
+clung about us in a sop, we tried not to be daunted.  We pursued our
+way through mud and puddles, resisting the hunger and weariness that
+crept so insidiously upon us.  And whatever the outward conditions of
+our state I don't think we minded greatly.  The example of one another
+kept us from flagging, even as the possession of one another kept us
+from complaining.
+
+At last, having dragged our weary limbs up a steep hill, and having
+crested the brow, we saw all at once quite a number of lights gleaming
+below in the valley.  It was plainly a considerable place, to judge by
+them; and though it was in our best interests to keep away from all
+towns and villages of any size and importance, on this occasion we did
+not pay much heed to these scruples, but went boldly and gladly towards
+it.
+
+"But what shall we profit when we get there?" says Cynthia.  "We have
+but a matter of sevenpence between us, which will avail us little
+enough for food and a lodging.  And I am sure there will be nobody to
+be found who will extend their charity to such a pair of drenched
+beggars as we are.  Oh, what can we possibly do!"
+
+I pondered on this hard problem for a full minute.  Cynthia's gloomy
+views were hopelessly right.  We were indeed a pair of beggars,
+homeless and destitute.  But we could not walk about all through that
+wretched wet night on the open road.  We must find some asylum for our
+weariness, if only a cow-hovel as it had been formerly.  This night,
+however, put us in no mind for that kind of thing.  We longed for the
+luxuries of a bright fire at which to dry our clothes, a warm supper at
+which to defeat the dismal weather, and a snug bed afterwards.  But how
+could we make sevenpence go so far?  Beat my brains as I might, I could
+find no solution to this hard problem.  Yet we both yearned for these
+comforts so keenly, that at last we came to the resolve that we would
+obtain them by hook or by crook, if not by fair means, by those more
+desperate, and be hanged to the consequences!  Accordingly, when we
+arrived at the first house in the place, I thrilled Cynthia by boldly
+knocking on the door, and thrilled her further by more boldly asking
+the title of the principal inn.  As it bore the promising name of the
+Angel, and was less than half-a-mile along that very road, and was said
+to be a remarkably good inn, we were encouraged to push on in search of
+it.
+
+"Oh, Jack," says poor Cynthia nervously, "whatever will the
+consequences be?  It must be quite a public place; the landlord will
+certainly ask to see our money before he serves us, such a poor vagrant
+pair must we seem in the eyes of everybody; some of those horrid Bow
+Street runners may be there too, or possibly my father.  And if we take
+that for which we are unable to pay, we may get sent to prison, or----"
+
+"Put in the stocks," says I.
+
+Cynthia shuddered, and then laughed a little.
+
+"I don't think," says she, "we shall ever fear that indignity again.
+At least we came triumphantly through that ordeal."
+
+"Merely by being bold," says I, "and the exercise of our sense of
+mirth.  And that is what will be demanded of us in the adventure that
+is before us.  Let us play our parts as bravely here, and I am
+convinced that we shall come out of it just as successfully.  Let us be
+bold and take our courage in our hands, and I'll answer for it we'll
+get a supper, a fire, a bottle, and a bed, and no questions asked.  But
+only a sufficient hardihood can do it, do you understand?  We must not
+bear ourselves as a pair of beggars at this inn, but rather as persons
+of consideration and great place.  You must be daughter to the duke, my
+prettiness, and I will be a devil of a peer."
+
+"That is all very fine, Jack," says Cynthia, who on occasion could be
+very shrewd, "but how are we to reconcile our lost and destitute state
+with our exalted degree?
+
+"A most happy idea," says I, suddenly seized with the same.  "I have it
+exactly.  We must be a pair of travellers who have been set on by a
+highwayman, turned out of our carriage, and robbed of all our money and
+valuables."
+
+"Yes," urged Cynthia, "but what carriage can we have to show?"
+
+"We can provide for that too," says I, in the throes of invention.
+"Our servants were so affrighted at the highwayman's appearance, that
+they made off pell-mell, carriage and all, without once stopping to
+look behind them."
+
+"A not very plausible story," urged Cynthia again.
+
+"I agree with you there," says I, "but we must strengthen any defects
+in our tale by the vigour and sincerity of its narration.  We must play
+our parts at the very height of our ability, and the landlord, whoever
+he is, shall be put to it very hard to catch us tripping.  A bold
+demeanour and a loud voice go a long way in these days.  I can smell
+that supper already, and I feel my feet to be toasting before the warm
+blaze.  And here we are to be sure under the very sign of the house, as
+goodly a country hostel i'faith as I ever saw, at which to arrive on a
+pouring wet night."
+
+Forsooth we were already come to the door.  By its substantial,
+well-lit, comfortable look, and the space in front of it, it had the
+appearance of a coaching inn.  And for that matter it did not call for
+much observation to prove such to be the case.  It stood at the
+junction of four roads.  The one that had carried us thither was a
+by-road, running at this point across one of the main coaching
+highways.  When we discovered this to be the case we paused a moment.
+There was a degree of publicity about such a hostelry that we could
+have very well done without.  We were certainly taking a great risk
+lest our enemies should enter it; and again, the charges were likely to
+be high.  Yet it took only a brief reflection to decide us.  We were
+utterly cold, hungry and jaded, our cloaks were soaked with rain, and
+the mud rose above our ankles.  Therefore leaving discretion outside in
+the rain, we entered boldly.
+
+The chamber we found ourselves in was in singular and delightful
+contrast to the conditions from which we had emerged.  It was brightly
+lit, a rare wood fire crackled and sputtered on the hearth, and threw
+its shadows on the oaken panellings.  An incomparable smell of cookery
+pervaded it, and a table was laid for supper.  The whole apartment was
+spotlessly clean, replete with comfort, and altogether was a model of
+what such a room should be in an inn of the better sort.
+
+The room had only one occupant; he, a gentleman who sat at his ease,
+waiting for his supper in a chair by the brisk fire.  He was a
+wonderfully handsome man, young, bold-eyed, and with a look of gay
+impudence more winning than displeasing.  He threw up his eyes as soon
+as we entered and frankly took our measure.  He went over us from top
+to toe with the frank audacity of a pretty woman or a child.  He was
+plainly a little puzzled by us.  He could not reconcile our appearance
+with our address.  We must indeed have looked to a stranger at that
+moment the most draggle-tailed couple that ever came out of Bridewell.
+But we had got all our best town airs about us too, and the contrast
+between our state and our address must have been ludicrous, truly.
+
+We had hardly got in to the room ere the landlord came bustling
+forward.  His mode of assessing the character of his guests was more
+peremptory.  We were in a wretched plight, and had come afoot without
+baggage and unattended.  He gave us one shrewd contemptuous glance and
+says:
+
+"You are come to the wrong house, are you not, master?  The Chequers, a
+bit further along the road to your left, is more in your style, I'm
+thinking.  The quality comes to this house, dy'e see?"
+
+"God bless my soul," I roared, "was there ever such effrontery!  Why,
+you pot-bellied ruffian, I would knock you down as flat as your own ale
+were it not for fatigue and the presence of a lady.  The wrong house,
+is it?  Do you take us for a pair of pickers and stealers then, you
+beer-barrel!  Call a chambermaid this minute and have her ladyship
+taken to the best bedroom you have got in the place, or I will rub my
+boots into the small of your fat back, upon mine honour so I will."
+
+A less forcible method of address might have permitted of a
+controversy, in which we should have everything to lose and nothing
+whatever to gain.  But this fine assault, this taking of the landlord
+by storm, completely disarmed him.  In an instant his demeanour
+completely changed, as is usual with those of his kidney.  From the
+contemptuous critic he was transformed into the grovelling lackey.  On
+the instant he was ours to command.  With many bows and congees he was
+soon inquiring what we would have for supper, and which wine we would
+prefer.  He also presumed that our luggage and attendants would
+presently arrive.
+
+"Devil a bit of it," says I.  "Neither one nor the other will you see
+this night.  Our wretched rogues have had such a fright that I will bet
+my leg they never draw rein until they make the blessed town o' London.
+A murrain upon them, and may they die of a vertigo!"
+
+The landlord clasped his palms in a fine attitude of humility,
+curiosity and awe.
+
+"Lord save us!" says he, "what can have happened to your lordship?"
+
+"Why, something that is always happening to us, of course," says I,
+with a great air of a glib matter of fact.  "One of these pestilential
+highwaymen stopped us and tried us on this very road, not five miles
+off.  Cocked his ugly mug through the carriage-window as cool as a
+church, and had us step out of our cushions into the pouring rain.
+Took our money and jewels off us before you could say your prayers.
+And not content with all this, burn me for a heretick! if out of pure
+wantonness this villain did not discharge his barker across the nose of
+the leader, and away they flew downhill to the devil before we could
+jump in again.  They are miles away ere this, and lord knows how we
+shall contrive to return to town."
+
+I suppose there must have been a nice tone of verisimilitude in this
+tissue of lies, or a ring of truth in my tone, or an expression of
+perfect veracity in my eyes, for the landlord put never another
+question to us upon that matter, but accepted my heart-moving tale with
+a mien of deep solicitude.  I think I must be unusually gifted in this
+particular, since this bold story worked on his credulity to such a
+remarkable degree.  And either our supposed misadventures or my command
+of great oaths must have invested us in the landlord's mind with the
+indisputable evidences of high quality, for his obeisances grew
+profounder for the recital, and though by our own confession we had not
+a penny about us with which to requite him, he proposed to entertain us
+to the utmost of his capacity.
+
+"Your lordship and your ladyship will doubtless prefer an entirely
+private apartment in which to sup," says he.  "If you will very kindly
+bear with this one while a fire is lighted in another, I will go about
+it at once, and also prepare you as good a meal as it is in the power
+of this poor place to furnish."
+
+However, as I was rather taken than otherwise with the appearance of
+the solitary occupant of this room, and even more so by the rare warmth
+and comfort of it, I was fain to suggest that if our company was not
+disagreeable to the present occupant, we should be well content to stay
+where we were, and take our supper in his society.  And, indeed, the
+frank, amused, wonderfully na�ve countenance he turned on the
+innkeeper, and the air of perfect good-breeding with which he asked the
+honour of our company at his table, promised excellent companionship to
+follow.  I having gratefully accepted his offer, he very politely
+insisted that I should choose the wine, adding that our host kept a
+very tolerable cellar, and paid a particular compliment to the Burgundy.
+
+In a variety of amiable ways we were very well advanced in a
+companionship long before supper was served.  Our friend, in addition
+to his handsome looks and elegant manners, appeared to have a good deal
+of knowledge of the world.  His tastes, too, seemed extremely refined.
+He was well versed in Dryden, Virgil, and Shakespeare, and passed the
+highest encomiums on the genius of Mr. Henry Fielding.  He contributed
+some excellently apposite remarks to the long-standing controversy
+respecting the merits of the author of _Tom Jones_ in comparison with
+those of the author of _Clarissa_.  To my extreme gratification he
+declared strongly for the former, whereon Mrs. Cynthia, following the
+fashion of her sex, took up the cudgels very warmly for the latter.
+
+"My dear madam," says our friend, laughing in his musical tones, "the
+difference between those two authors is that between honest, searching
+brandy punch and tea twice watered with a good deal of sugar in it."
+
+"That is doubtless the case," says Cynthia.  "But whereas the one may
+degrade a man to the level of a beast,"--I will do her the justice of
+saying she laid no particular stress on this simile, neither did she
+look at me, greatly to my relief--"the other is perfectly harmless,
+wholesome and stimulating.  Mr. Richardson's morality hath never been
+impeached, but Mr. Fielding's hath never been defended."
+
+"It is not always the person who lifts up his voice the loudest, madam,
+who is the most worthy to be heard," says our friend gravely.  "Nor is
+it he who makes the best parade of his virtue who is invariably the
+most valuable member of society.  I dare say Mr. Fielding would blush
+as much to be found out in a good act as Mr. Richardson would to be
+caught in a bad one; but for all that I would prefer to recommend
+myself to the author of the so-called loose and scandalous _Tom Jones_,
+than he of the so-called high-toned _Clarissa_, were I in need of a
+dinner and a guinea."
+
+"Sir," says I, "you have put the gist of the matter excellently.  You
+are one of the very few persons I have met who hath had the wit to draw
+this essential distinction between the characters of two such diverse
+writers.  What the world is for ever failing to apprehend is that true
+morality, like true religion, has nothing to do with the profession of
+it; and that man who as often as not best serves his species is he who
+least pretends to do so."
+
+Yet no sooner had I ventured to confirm the wisdom of my friend with my
+own opinion, than my dear Mrs. Cynthia began to take my interference as
+a personal matter aimed at her rather than at the argument.  Thus in a
+truly feminine fashion she got upon her dignity and invested her
+championship of Mr. Richardson, and more especially her animadversion
+of Mr. Fielding, with several palpable references to my recent
+behaviour in his company.  At least the unease of my conscience put
+this construction upon her replies, although when I reflected upon the
+matter afterwards I could find no grounds except those of my own guilty
+knowledge for supposing that she was at all acquainted with our meeting.
+
+It was a real relief none the less when our heated discourse on
+morality was at last interrupted by the arrival of the first dish, a
+highly delectable loin of pork flanked with sage and onions.  We sat
+down in much comfort and did ample justice to the fare.  Our friend's
+manners at the table had all the elegance of good-breeding, whilst his
+conversation under the benign influences of excellent dishes and good
+wine was as entertaining and various as any one need listen to.  He was
+at a loss on no subject whatever; and there was such an easy air of
+gallantry about him, too, as commended him extremely to the susceptible
+Cynthia, however they might differ in their opinions on the subject of
+morality.  Indeed his mien was so winning and so perfectly acceptable
+withal to her ladyship, that I could have wished he had less of those
+graces to recommend him.  For I'll swear that her eyes shone to his
+speeches, and there was a fine colour in her cheeks, however
+indignantly she may be moved to deny it.  There was a sly humour in the
+fellow too, which as the meal wore on and the excellence of the fare
+warmed his heart, he manifested in various ways.  To start with, he
+made more than one allusion to our supposed misfortune.  What kind of a
+person was the highwayman, he asked in a tone equally pregnant with
+mischief and concern.
+
+"Oh, pretty tallish," says I, with admirable vagueness and promptitude.
+
+Thereupon he put a vast number of questions all bearing on the
+appearance of our assailant.  Had he a cast in his eye? a scar on his
+lip?  Did he speak with a west country burr? and so forth.  These were
+but a few.  For strive as we would to turn the topic towards something
+that might disconcert us less, he persisted in returning again and
+again to our supposed adventure on the road.  The theme seemed to have
+a kind of fascination for him.  At last it grew too plain that his
+pertinacity had serious purpose behind it.  Either my fencing grew too
+obvious or his queries grew too direct, for I was presently led to see
+that he had formed his own opinion on the matter, and that he proposed
+to convict us out of our own mouths.  It was with an effort therefore
+that I retained my politeness, since the deeper one is in the wrong the
+more is one inclined to resent its being proved against one.
+
+"I should be obliged, sir," says I, "if you will do us the favour of
+forgetting this unfortunate circumstance.  We have already come to
+regard our property as lost, and having made up our minds upon that we
+cease to regret it.  Indeed, we had already dismissed so trivial a
+matter from our minds, and should not have thought fit to recall it,
+had not the predicament of our penury, and the obstinate importunities
+of this fellow the landlord, compelled us to allude to it again.  You
+will vastly oblige me, sir, by ceasing to mention it."
+
+"You are very well schooled in the art of evasion, sir," says the
+other.  "But I am much too greatly interested in this affair to consent
+to its stopping at this.  The manner of the appearance of your adorable
+companion and yourself here in this place this evening perplexes and
+surprises me beyond measure.  I humbly crave your pardon if I may seem
+to transgress the bounds of good taste, sir, but might I venture to ask
+whether you were coming from London or were you going there?"
+
+"Going there," says I incautiously.
+
+"Then I confess," says he smoothly, "my perplexity increases.  If you
+were going to London, how could it happen that you were descending,
+instead of mounting Marling Hill?"
+
+I plainly saw that the fellow had lured me into a trap.
+
+"Really, sir," says I, with some show of heat, "I am sorry that you
+cannot see fit to respect my protests.  You will do me a real service,
+sir, if you will cease to pursue this disagreeable subject."
+
+"I do not doubt you on that last point, sir," says the other.  "And I
+wonder if I might make so bold as to inquire how it befalls that two
+persons who are presumably of the first quality, or at least of great
+gentility, are to be found travelling the country in an attire that the
+meanest of their servants would think twice before they affected?"
+
+"This is insufferable, this is intolerable," says I.  "I decline
+peremptorily to answer such questions.  They are impertinent, sir,
+impertinent; and it grieves me to think that a gentleman of your taste
+and discretion could have thought fit to put them."
+
+However, my annoyance could restrain him no better than my persuasion.
+He laughed openly, and then suddenly cast off the veil.  With a curl at
+his lips, and an unmistakable impudence in his eyes, says he:
+
+"I think the time is come, sir, when we might with profit understand
+one another a little better.  Might we not deal a little more frankly
+with one another, do you not think?  For instance, if you are prepared
+to confess that you have been beset by no highwayman whatever, and the
+whole invention of him, the coach, the valuables, the servants, and the
+horses is a cock-and-bull story intended to divert the attention of our
+honest host from your destitute condition, I am just as prepared to
+accept that statement."
+
+"Sir," says I, "I fear that you forget yourself.  You insult me
+wantonly."
+
+However difficult it may be to condone the truth when it is so
+unblushingly expressed, I was hardly in a position to punish him for
+the publication of it.  Not that it was any sneaking respect for the
+truth that restrained me.  It was rather that I had arrived at years of
+a certain discretion.  Was there not everything in the world to lose
+and nothing whatever to gain by indulging in open passages with a total
+stranger?  Cynthia was at my side, and wholly dependent upon me.  And
+it was her presence and that thought which enabled me to keep so tight
+a rein on my furious inclination.  Meanwhile this person had turned
+such a cool impudent scrutiny upon me that it seemed as though he
+calmly spelt out every phase of thought through which I was at that
+moment passing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION
+
+I was by now worked up to a pretty rage.  The stranger regarded it,
+however, with perfect calmness, not to say enjoyment.
+
+"In your own particular branch of the profession, sir," says he,
+laughing, "I am the first to admit that you do remarkably well.  A good
+carriage, a refined appearance, an excellent address, and a quite
+singular degree of assurance, there is but little wanting to your
+success.  The lady, your fair companion, is wholly admirable.  She hath
+the very look and air of a gentlewoman.  She is vastly engaging too,
+and hath some sweet looks of her own; and I am prepared to say that she
+would reassure the most suspicious of landlords and the most
+incredulous of travellers."
+
+"I protest, sir," says I, "that I do not follow you in the least."
+
+"I think between friends, sir," says the other, "you might reasonably
+drop the high tone.  I am not at all imposed on by it.  Besides, where
+is the need?  Believe me, I am the last man in the world to betray a
+brother in the pursuit of his calling.  I have some few gifts myself,
+and my name for some years past hath been considered an ornament to the
+profession; but whatever my vanity, I am ever foremost in recognizing
+true merit in others.  I have never had the pleasure of meeting you
+before, sir, but the very real talent you have already evinced will
+make William Sadler proud to be numbered among your friends."
+
+Although Mr. William Sadler, whoever he might be, pronounced his name
+in the manner of one who is accustomed to have it greeted with
+flattering recognition, as this was the first time I had happened to
+hear of so exalted a personage, I was unable to pay it the homage I
+think he expected from me.
+
+"You must really pardon me, sir," says I, "but who you are or what your
+name is does not particularly interest me.  I do not remember to have
+heard it before, and certainly as you appear to entertain such strange
+views as to the manner in which friendship is to be conducted, I have
+no very burning desire to hear it again."
+
+At last it seemed I had found in him a tender spot.  The purple
+deepened in his cheeks, and there was a brightness of anger in his
+eyes.  It was plain that to be ignorant of the name of Mr. William
+Sadler was to be guilty of a grave solecism.  But his chagrin was only
+momentary, for he had an admirable command of himself, and at once
+resumed the control of his feelings.
+
+"It strikes me as something of an affectation, sir," says he, "that one
+who practises a very similar calling should yet profess an ignorance of
+a name, which I may say, without making a boast of it, stands foremost
+in a kindred profession, and hath ever been reckoned an honour and an
+embellishment to it.  The name of William Sadler, sir, is known and
+reverenced wherever gentlemen of the pad of all shades and degrees do
+congregate or hold their intercourse.  It grieves me, sir, that such a
+fine example of our calling at its best, as is to be seen in the person
+of yourself, sir, and in that of your fair companion, should yet deny
+the smallest recognition to one who hath been allowed by the ablest
+practitioners of the time, and by publick opinion also, to be worthy of
+his meed of praise."
+
+I confess I was getting out of my depth.  My companion was wholly
+unintelligible to me.  What he meant by his allusions to our kindred
+professions, his own celebrity, and my own skill in an art of which I
+did not even know the name, gravelled me completely.  In his smooth,
+even tones, it was impossible not to find a genuine regret.  But
+methought there was even more of irony in it too, a very delicate irony
+that seemed entirely to consist with his cultivated and polished
+character.  Indeed the man was an enigma altogether.  His manner, his
+appearance, his address were those of a gentleman.  He was an elegant,
+well-informed, well-equipped man of the world, capable of exciting the
+admiration of a lady of quality, as many a time I have been fain to
+acquaint Mrs. Cynthia subsequently.  But who he might be passed me
+altogether.  He could not be a great author like Mr. Fielding.  In that
+case I should have been more familiar with his name.  He could not be a
+man of the first fashion, for the same reason.  Neither was he foremost
+in Parliament, in the King's service, in the Queen's favour, nor was he
+a virtuoso in the arts.  In what manner was he celebrated then?  I
+could not forbear from putting the question to him.  As it happened,
+our host was fussing about the supper-table at that moment with the
+pudding.
+
+"I refer you, sir," says he, "to our worthy Boniface, our excellent Mr.
+Jim Grundy, for the panegyric of my character."
+
+Upon this the innkeeper looked from one to the other of us with a great
+deal of unction, and involved his rosy countenance in such a number of
+nods and winks as conferred a great air of mystery on a simple question.
+
+"Come, my good Grundy," says our companion, "inform the lady and
+gentleman who Mr. William Sadler is."
+
+"They don't know who Mr. William Sadler is," says the landlord.  "Who
+ever heard the like of it!  He, he, he!"
+
+Instead of giving us any precise information on this point, the
+landlord laughed and laughed again.  Once or twice he seemed to brace
+himself to break the important news to us, yet on each occasion as he
+was about to open his mouth to do so, a fresh gust of mirth nearly
+choked him into a fit.  Indeed, he was wholly incapable of getting
+farther than:
+
+"Not know who Mr. Will Sadler is; well, I call that a good 'un."
+
+And I suppose we might have still remained in ignorance of the identity
+of our companion to this hour, for apparently Mr. William Sadler was
+too proud to exhibit his claims to notoriety, and the innkeeper was
+physically incapable of doing so, had it not been for a whimsical
+occurrence that presently befell.  Amity had been in a great measure
+restored, and we had nearly finished our supper in peace, having at the
+same time behaved very creditably by the wine and the victuals, when
+the landlord suddenly burst in upon us again with a very agitated face.
+"Oh, Mr. William," cries he to our friend, "whatever shall we do?  A
+sheriff's posse is coming along, and I fear it is you they are seeking
+hot-foot.  They will be here in a minute, and I do not see that you can
+possibly get out in time."
+
+Words of this nature vastly interested us, you may be sure.  We noted
+that despite the shaken condition of the landlord, Mr. Sadler was
+perfectly cool.
+
+"Hold 'em as long as you can in talk," says he, "and I will play 'em my
+old trick.  But, my dear fellow, let me beg of you to compose yourself
+a little.  Such a face as you are wearing is enough to betray the
+cunningest knight in the country, and I must also crave the indulgence
+of my two friends here.  I am sure their true sporting instincts, to
+say nothing of a professional fellow-feeling, will enable them to give
+me any small assistance I may be in need of."
+
+While he was speaking in this singular manner, he was occupying himself
+in one no less remarkable.  He casually produced a fresh wig from one
+of the huge pockets of the riding-coat that hung on the back of a chair
+near his elbow, and having shook it out, discarded the modest tie wig
+he was wearing in favour of this much grander one, which he placed on
+his head with absolute nicety and correctness.  Having got as far as
+this, the landlord apprehended which line he was going to take.  Armed
+with that knowledge, the host accordingly moved to the threshold to
+greet the sheriff's posse, whilst Mr. Sadler went on with his toilet.
+This consisted in attaching a grey beard to his chin, a pair of
+moustachios to his upper lip, and a formidable pair of horn spectacles
+to his eyes.  All of these he produced from the same pocket as the wig.
+The consequence was a complete and effectual transformation; and had we
+not been witnesses of the process itself, we could not possibly have
+identified our companion of the previous moment in this venerable sage.
+
+This strange play which was passing in front of our eyes was so
+bewildering that at first we could hardly realize what was taking
+place, or gauge the singular situation in which we found ourselves.
+But hearing the lusty demanding voices of the persons who even at that
+moment were at the threshold of the inn, the whole meaning of this odd
+matter suddenly flashed into my mind.  Our elegant companion was a
+professional breaker of laws, a highwayman most probably, and the
+sheriff's men were hot on his track.  Yet as I looked at the venerable
+figure before me, the embodiment of stately grace and honoured age, I
+could not forbear from laughing at him.
+
+"An excellent jest," says he, in a voice that so utterly differed from
+his natural one as to bestow the last and crowning touch to his altered
+character.  "But it is one that I have played so often in one form or
+another upon these and similar people that I begin to fear it may grow
+a little worn-out.  However, I must trust to my proverbial luck, and
+your kind co-operation."
+
+He had no time to say anything more before these unwelcome visitors
+came into the room with the landlord at their head.
+
+"You can really take my word for it, gentlemen I assure you," he said
+positively, protesting, "I have seen no such person as you describe.
+Nor is it at all likely that my house, which has ever been famous for
+its high respectability, would harbour such a desperate ruffian.  You
+say that His Majesty's mail has been stopped and tried this evening by
+Will Sadler not five miles off, and that booty exceeding four thousand
+pounds hath been taken.  Lord defend us, gentlemen, whoever heard the
+like!  It is incredible; can this be the eighteenth century?"
+
+By this about half a-dozen dirty, rain-soaked ruffians, comprising the
+sheriff's posse, had come into the room.  And at the head of them, if
+you please, was that very despotic justice, the squire of the
+neighbouring parish, who that afternoon had clapt us in the stocks.
+His appearance certainly complicated matters a good deal, and was like
+to make them vastly more awkward for us.  Yet the fellow at this time
+was in such an excited state of mind, due to the recent terrible event
+and his high sense of what he was pleased to call his public duty, that
+he gave neither Cynthia nor myself the slightest recognition.  Indeed,
+he had most probably forgotten our recent encounter.
+
+I had hardly on my side recognized the justice ere my decision was
+taken.  It may be to my lasting discredit as a good citizen and true
+subject that I hardly so much as gave a thought to betraying the
+desperate fellow who was so completely delivered into our hands.  One
+word from either of us, and his last exploit would have been
+perpetrated.  But it would have called for a greater humanity or a
+less, sure I know not which, and a deeper instinct of the public weal
+than either of us appeared to possess, to deliver up Mr. Sadler in cold
+blood to the tender mercies of the law.  Accordingly I took a bold
+course, perhaps as much to assist the disguise of our companion as to
+preserve our own impunity.
+
+Swinging round on the justice and the inn-keeper, I exhibited a degree
+of excitement at the news by no means inferior to their own.
+
+"Zounds!" I cried, "what are you saying, landlord?  King's mail, four
+thousand pounds, villain escaped.  Whenever did I hear the like?  He
+must be pursued; we must leave no stone unturned.  Do I understand that
+he is on these premises?"
+
+The stress of my concern and the degree of authority I contrived to
+insinuate into it, stood me in good stead with the squire, who saw in
+me a person as law-abiding as himself.  Indeed, the number of
+breathless questions I pestered him with concerning how the matter
+happened, when it happened, who could be made responsible for it, and
+what steps could be taken to prevent it happening again, all of which
+were so futile and worth so little, as presently suggested to the
+squire that he might conceivably be in the company of a brother justice.
+
+"Are you in the commission, may I ask, sir?" says he.
+
+"Aye, that I am, sir," says I, "for the county of Wilts.  I never was
+more distressed by anything than the news of this grievous affair."
+
+"Very pleased to meet you, sir," says the squire.  "I am in the
+commission too, sir, and I quite agree with every word you have thought
+fit to utter.  Every word, I do upon my word, sir."
+
+It was remarkable how the fact that I was a justice of the peace as
+well as himself affected his demeanour.  He developed a sudden
+affability towards me, and used a special tone in which to address me.
+He discovered such a respect for my opinion, showed so many marks of
+his consideration for me, and generally endeavoured to ingratiate
+himself into my esteem in a way that allowed it to be clearly
+understood that to his mind the office of a magistrate had lifted me at
+once out of the ruck of common men.  I was one who, like himself, had
+been as it were initiated into the Eleusinian mysteries.  My look, my
+lightest word, was to him of vastly more importance than even the
+business he had come upon.  Indeed he was quite overjoyed to find
+himself in the society of a person who was of his own rank in life, and
+one with whom he might converse without imperilling his own uneasy
+dignity.  It was delightful to observe how my presence unfitted him to
+pay the slightest attention to any one other than myself.  He could
+hardly bring himself to address the innkeeper or his attendants in the
+presence of a brother magistrate.  And to such an extent was he worked
+upon that even the business that had brought him thither paled into
+insignificance before so felicitous a meeting.
+
+After a full five minutes had been spent on his affable reception of
+me, and he had repeated again and again how pleased and honoured he was
+to meet me; and he had asked me how long I had been in the commission,
+and had told me how long he had been in it, and how long his father had
+been in it before him; with other matters of the first importance, and
+all mightily pertinent to the robbery of the royal mail, one of his men
+had the temerity to make a suggestion.
+
+"Begging your honour's pardon," says he, politely touching his hat,
+"but what does your honour think we had better do, seeing as how the
+man don't seem to be here?"
+
+"Do," says the squire, taking him up angrily.  "Burn me, was there ever
+such insolence?  Are you not aware that I am at present engaged with
+your betters, and yet you have the damnable impertinence to ask me what
+you shall do."
+
+"But the highwayman, if you please, your honour," says the other, who
+was rather a stubborn fellow.
+
+"Oh, the highwayman," says the squire.  "How dare you intrude a person
+of that low character when I am engaged with a brother magistrate?  Let
+the highwayman go to the devil too."
+
+"In short," says I, reading the squire's disposition, "you can all go
+to the devil, the sooner the better.  Do you think the meeting of two
+gentlemen can be disturbed by such a petty matter?  I am about to ask
+the honour of the company of my brother justice over a bottle.
+Landlord, have the goodness to bring up some more of your excellent
+Burgundy, and also do us the service of sending these dirty rascals
+about their business.  There are no highwaymen here, and if there were,
+do you suppose that gentlemen are to be put to inconvenience by them?"
+
+Hereupon the squire, finding himself received in such high favour,
+hastened to second my proposal.  The posse was sent packing into the
+wind and rain to continue the pursuit of Mr. William Sadler, although
+they evidently had not the least idea as to which direction he might be
+in; whilst the magistrate proposed to take his ease in his inn, in the
+society of the very rogue his men had gone forth to seek.
+
+The host soon returned with the wine, and we settled ourselves to
+good-fellowship.  To judge by the sly satisfaction that appeared at
+intervals in Mr. Sadler's venerable countenance, he was very well
+pleased with the arrangement; whilst I am sure the squire was vastly
+so.  As for Cynthia and myself, I think we both had some share in this
+satisfaction also.  We figured to ourselves the eventuality of being
+able to repay this numscull fellow in his own coin, by putting upon him
+some of the indignity he had been so prompt to put upon us that
+afternoon.
+
+In a person of a better capacity it might have been a matter of
+surprise that we should have gone unrecognized.  But this squire was
+but a poor apology of a fellow, with probably as many wits as a rabbit,
+and as great a discernment as a mole.  And in my case there may have
+been some little excuse, for after all one man is very much like
+another, and differs not so much in his appearance as in his
+circumstances.  In the parlour of a tavern it is as easy to pass for a
+justice of the peace as it is in the stocks to pass for a rogue.
+Perhaps in Cynthia's case an even better excuse could be found for him.
+Instead of a dejected and bedraggled creature (madam hath twice already
+blotted this sentence out!) trudging at the side of a forlorn
+musicianer that blew the flute, here was a very different person.  Her
+muddy cloak had been discarded to disclose a very tolerable travelling
+attire beneath, which, laced as it was, could pass very well in the
+country for the first fashion.  Besides, in some impalpable feminine
+way, by some cunning trick of the sex, she had added here and there a
+touch to her hair and her person, till she shone forth as fair and trim
+in the glow of the fire and the candles as Herrick's Julia.  She was no
+longer the wandering female (saving her presence!), but the lady of
+quality, holding her court of three.  The brightness of the place was
+communicated to her cheeks and her eyes.  The dainty malice, the grave
+insolence, the superb disdain, the assurance and yet the solicitude of
+fashion wedded to beauty, youth to breeding, was a sufficient masque to
+the draggle-tailed little creature of the afternoon.  If it may be said
+of men that they are the victims of their circumstances, and cut their
+figure in the world according to them, how much more truly may the same
+be said of women, for are they not chameleons that receive their hue
+from their surroundings?
+
+Being completely confident that we ran no risk of discovery from any
+exercise the squire might make of his natural faculties, I had no
+compunction about introducing Mrs. Cynthia and Mr. Sadler, that the
+feast of reason and the flow of soul might be unimpeded.  Thoroughly
+alive to the whimsicality of the passages that were like to ensue from
+such ill-assorted company sitting down together, I mischievously
+determined to give the thing a more extravagant touch if possible, by
+sailing as near to the truth as I could.  Therefore, fully aware of the
+delicious savour of the whole affair, Mrs. Cynthia was presented as my
+wife, the Countess of Tiverton, and our friend Mr. Sadler, the
+highwayman and lord knows what besides, as her ladyship's choleric
+papa, his grace of Salop.
+
+Never, I vow, was a man so overcome with the society in which he found
+himself as this rustical clown of a justice.  Having plainly been used
+to no better all his life than that of his pigs, his sheep, his cows,
+his horses, the village beadle, and the worthies of the village
+ale-house, he had no higher sense of rendering what he conceived was
+due to our superior dignity, than they had in rendering the same to
+his.  His bows, his smirks, his grimaces, his gross flatteries, would
+have excited our pity had he deserved any.  They were so grotesque that
+even Mr. Sadler grinned through his great beard.
+
+The landlord too fell in very sagaciously with the whole thing.
+Whatever opinion he might entertain on his own part of our figure in
+the world, the fact that we had been admitted to the friendship of Mr.
+Sadler was a sufficient guarantee of his not going unrequited.  Armed
+with this assurance he produced some really excellent wine in liberal
+quantities, and furnished us with the fullest meed of his respectful
+service; though it is gravely to be doubted whether he considered we
+had any better right to enjoy our titles than had Mr. Sadler.  But I
+will go bail for the justice, who rejoiced in the name of Hodgkin, that
+no such doubts invaded his mind.  He was simply happy.  His wildest
+dreams were realized.  His loftiest ambitions were fulfilled.  Was he
+not hobnobbing with the great at their own table on terms of perfect
+equality?  He never addressed any of us without bringing in our titles
+somehow, either as the prologue or the epilogue of what he had to say,
+sometimes as both, and in the middle too.  And just as a duke is a
+personage of more consideration than an earl, even if he be a justice
+of the peace, or a countess if she be young and fair, so did our
+squire, after he had felt his way a bit, had drunk a glass or two and
+got used to such unaccustomed company, direct the main of his attention
+to his grace of Salop.  Indeed such advances did he presently make in
+the good esteem of that venerable nobleman that he was fain to direct
+nearly the whole of his discourse to him.  He played him, and ogled
+him, your grace'd him this, and your grace'd him that, until he felt he
+had ingratiated himself into the highest favour.  And having attained
+to this good fortune, he could hardly bring himself to so much as look
+at Cynthia and me.  As in the case of his rustics and the inn-keeper,
+we, as it were, presently discovered him engaged with our betters; and
+he clearly hoped we should understand that to be the case.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+
+It was truly a novel kind of amusement to enjoy the patronage of such a
+clodhopper; but it was one infinitely rich in the comic.  The
+highwayman fell in exactly with the spirit of this comedy.  He seemed
+to take an almost diabolical pleasure in causing this pitiful specimen
+of human nature to reveal the weakness and sterility of his mind.  And
+I fear that this pleasure was communicated to Cynthia and myself.
+Could we have forgotten the persecution endured at the hands of the
+fellow that afternoon, we must have found it in our hearts to pity him
+in his fool's paradise.  But with the sense of our late indignities yet
+abiding within us, we followed the course of the play with the keenness
+and zest of the leading actor in it.  It was our revenge, and a very
+ample and satisfying one we felt it to be, although in the tameness of
+print it may not appear to possess the solid satisfaction of one
+administered with a cudgel or a pair of resolute fists.
+
+When at last the squire proposed to depart, he vowed that never had he
+spent an evening with such profit and enjoyment.  It far exceeded, he
+was good enough to say, the memorable one he had once had the honour to
+pass in the society of Colonel Musket of Barker's Hill.  He swore he
+would cherish the memory of it to his last day; and having humbly
+thanked his grace for his condescension and his affability; and having
+given a curt nod to Cynthia and myself, since the boon companion of a
+duke is surely entitled to dispense his patronage, our justice stumbled
+out into the rainy night, with more good wine in him than he deserved,
+and certainly more than he could decently carry.
+
+"Ships, pegs, coos and 'osses," says the highwayman, breaking out into
+laughter as soon as our guest had lurched into the rain.  "Let a man
+live with them long enough, and they shall reduce his wit and
+understanding to the level of their own.  Was there ever such a pitiful
+cheese of a fellow in the world before?  If it were not such a foul
+night, and I lay less snug in my corner, I would go after him, drub him
+soundly, and fling him into the kennel.  But at least we have had an
+entertainment, and I have thought well to exact a ransom of him for his
+own."
+
+Here to our surprise our strange companion pulled forth a purse which a
+few minutes since had been the squire's.  The justice had been seated
+next the venerable duke, and had paid for the high privilege.  Besides,
+is it not an axiom among the great that they never condescend unless
+they are in need of a service, or can get something by their
+condescension?  His grace's exaction was the latter.  Neither Cynthia
+nor I could find it in our hearts to blame the highwayman for his
+trick.  Nay, I do not know that in one sense we were not secretly glad
+that a tangible and material punishment had been inflicted upon the
+fellow.  When the purse was opened it was found to contain the sum of
+nineteen pounds and a few odd shillings.  The highwayman, after a
+careful mental calculation, doled the money out into three heaps of
+equal value, and having slipped one portion, some six pounds twelve
+shillings, into his fob, pushed the two remaining portions over to us,
+insisting that in this adventure it was share and share alike.
+
+Of course we could not bring ourselves to accept of our friend's
+somewhat embarrassing generosity.  But the sight of such a fortune to
+people in our penurious state, who had already partaken of much more
+than they could pay for, was temptation indeed.  Although we refused
+the gifts with the same courtesy with which they were offered, I fear
+that our eyes shone with a singular lust, and our minds rebelled as we
+did so.  The highwayman himself was astonished by our scruples.
+
+"My dear friends," says he.  "I confess I have never observed such
+reluctancy in persons of your kidney before.  You baffle me.  I cannot
+hold it to be generosity in you, since there can be little doubt that
+William Sadler makes a fatter living than you do with all your talents.
+Why then should you refuse a gift from a brother of your calling?  And
+it cannot be pride either, for if we come down to plain terms it is not
+a gift at all.  By all those unwritten laws that obtain amongst the
+brethren of our profession, you are each honourably entitled to take a
+share with me.  Come, my friends, pocket the affront and let no more be
+said."
+
+The highwayman's high sense of right and wrong in regard to those he
+was pleased to call "the brethren of our profession" was really
+touching.  Nothing in the first place could convince him that we were
+not in that sense his brethren, and that we did not earn our livelihood
+by his uncompromising methods.  We had entered the inn by the aid of
+false protestations; we had ordered a meal that he was sure we had no
+means of paying for; we had connived at the escape of a desperate
+malefactor, and had committed a gross fraud on a justice of the peace;
+therefore he had every good reason to stand firm in his estimate of our
+character.  To my rejoinder that we hoped he would not pursue the
+matter, as we were anything but what we appeared to be, and were
+debarred by circumstances that had recently befallen us from publishing
+our true condition to him or to any one else, he replied with laughter
+of the most immoderate sort.
+
+"Rat me," says he, "this is no new tale.  I wonder how many times in a
+twelvemonth it does duty at Old Bailey!  But I do not like to be
+baffled by anybody, and I must say your behaviour is inexplicable.  It
+is Quixotic, my friends, it is Quixotic.  I cannot possibly let it
+pass.  I must beg you to accept these small monies as a token of my
+gratitude."
+
+He had the devil for his advocate too.  It truly was Quixotic.  It was
+wealth untold to persons in our condition; persons condemned to blow
+the flute from place to place for a livelihood.  We were reminded of
+nights in the rain; of empty bellies; of fainting limbs; of rags,
+misery and mud, and the hundred other ills that attend on a bitter
+poverty.  We had sevenpence in our pockets with which to discharge a
+score that would be reckoned in pounds.  What wonder that we felt our
+resolution falter before the lure that was laid before us?  Together,
+however, we prevailed where one of us singly might have given way.
+
+The highwayman vented his perplexity in various ways.  He put forth a
+dozen theories that would cover our irreconcilable conduct.  But all of
+them were equally wide of the mark.  To all sources but the true one
+did he trace our demeanour.  That we were striving to be as honest as
+our circumstances would permit, never entered his head.  And when at
+last we gave him a cordial good-night prior to retiring to the chamber
+that had been prepared for us, he was fain to acknowledge that he was
+never so completely beaten by anything as by our behaviour.
+
+"Smart you are, the pair of you," says he, "there's no manner of use in
+denying that.  But I'm damned if I can make head or tail of you.  Never
+heard of such a thing in my life as two pads on the road refusing their
+share of the booty.  But I like you none the less.  You are a
+well-favoured well-mannered pair, with rare good heads on your
+shoulders.  I'faith you are endowed with a most excellent presence.
+You are bound to succeed in the line you have adopted; but if you are
+not above taking a piece of advice from one who hath had a pretty long
+apprenticeship on the road, you will dress a trifle better.  Clothes go
+for a great deal.  A lord in rags counts for less than a postilion in
+ruffles and a laced coat.  You will not forget now; it is sure to mean
+such and such a sum per annum to you.  And harkee, here's a proposal.
+I've got such a fancy for you both, that if you like to take up with
+me, we will do the country in company and share the profits; and this I
+may tell you is an offer not to be blinked at, when it is made by
+William Sadler.  Little madam there shall be the decoy, and you and I,
+my lad, shall lift the blunt and generally attend to the practical
+matters.  Come now, I can't speak fairer; what do you say!"
+
+Much to Mr. Sadler's disappointment, and I believe to his astonishment
+too, I politely declined this liberal proposal.  It was almost
+incredible to him that a gentleman of his eminence and success could
+meet with a refusal.  It was like two green apprentices declining to
+enter into partnership with a master of the highest credit!
+
+"I confess you pass me altogether," says he in despair.
+
+The last glimpse we had of this strange, whimsical, and in a sense
+gifted man, was his sitting at the table, with his wig, his spectacles
+and false whiskers removed, waving his good-night in the most cordial
+fashion.  He was as handsome and intelligent a fellow as I ever
+encountered; and I can readily believe what was asserted of him at the
+time of his hanging less than a year from this date, that he was a
+cadet of a noble family.  Certainly in his gaiety, generosity, and
+gallant good humour, he was the very type of man to win the great fame
+of the public that I believe was his.  Strange as it may appear, there
+was not one trace of vulgarity that I could discern in him; and leaving
+his peculiar ideas in regard to _meum_ and _tuum_ out of the question,
+in all other particulars he was a charming gentleman.  And if I am one
+day burnt for the heresy, I shall be ever the first to admit that in my
+short acquaintance of this wicked rogue that so richly came to be
+hanged on the Tree, I discovered better parts, a more chivalrous heart,
+and vastly more liberal talents than in half the persons of high
+consideration and great place, whose intimacy it has been my misfortune
+to submit to for a longer period.
+
+As for Cynthia, the first thing she did in the privacy of our chamber
+was to burst into tears.
+
+"Oh," she sobbed, "to think that a man like that should be such a
+villain.  Oh, I am sure I cannot believe it of him."
+
+"Then why weep for him?" says I.  "But what a pity it is that these
+villains are so delectable.  Even a man like your husband if he gets
+his deserts will come to be hanged.  Can you tell me, my dear, why it
+is that virtue never walks in these radiant colours?  Can it be that
+you strait-laced madams secretly lean to the wicked?"
+
+Poor Cynthia sobbed louder than ever.
+
+"Oh, I cannot, I will not believe it of such a dear fine gentleman!"
+says she.
+
+The next morning found us heavy of heart.  In what manner we could meet
+the landlord's charges we did not know.  Although we were both too
+proud to say so, I am sure we should have been greatly thankful could
+we have had our share of the highwayman's booty to comfort us.  After
+all it was a queer kind of scruple that preferred to rob the innkeeper
+rather than the squire.  For it was plain that he, poor fellow, must go
+unpaid.  Honesty, I take it, is largely a question of terms; and why we
+should hold it to be more venial to rob the one than the other I cannot
+tell.  We breakfasted over the hard problem of what to do.  We had no
+other course, we decided, than to persevere in the original fiction of
+our misfortunes on the road at the hands of a highwayman, and defer the
+settlement of the landlord's account against the time when our affairs
+had assumed a more prosperous shape.
+
+As it happened, our misgivings and searchings of conscience were in
+vain.  The highwayman, who had ridden away in the small hours of the
+morning, had insisted unknown to us in giving at least some token of
+his gratitude.  He had discharged our score and his own in a handsome
+manner, the innkeeper said.  Perchance it was he held that our host
+merited some sort of reward for his behaviour too; and he doubtless
+held in the shrewd opinion he had formed of our condition, that it was
+little enough he was likely to receive at our hands.
+
+In this fortunate manner we were able to go forth into the world again.
+Our hunger and weariness had been amply refreshed and our debts paid.
+We did not pause to consider that these happy contingencies had been
+brought about by the very means that we had so loftily disdained.  It
+was the squire's purse after all that had paid our charges.  Honesty,
+as I have said, is largely a question of terms.
+
+To the downpour of the night had succeeded a sullen morning.  The
+lowering sky promised more misery to follow.  The air was wet with
+mists; the trees dripped incessantly; every blade of grass shone with
+the dankness that clung to it, and the state of the deep-rutted, rude,
+uneven roads was terrible.  But even all these things together, and the
+fact that we had to plough our way, step by step, slowly through seas
+of mud could not entirely depress our spirits.  We felt ourselves in
+the society of one another, to be in spite of everything, invincible in
+our common courage, unconquerable in our common resolution.  The one
+sustained the other in these adventures.
+
+"My prettiness," says I, "it is under embarrassing conditions such as
+these that we should endeavour to sustain ourselves with a few tender,
+amorous passages of love.  I think I will pay you a compliment or two
+upon your beauty, if you will give me but a minute's time in which to
+rack my mind to find them."
+
+"For your pretty speeches to be sincere, sir," says Cynthia, "they
+should be quite spontaneous."
+
+"Here is one," says I.  "The sunshine of your countenance lights up the
+morning's gloom."
+
+"A common enough figure, I confess," says she, "which a hundred poets
+have better exprest."
+
+"Here is another, then," says I, undaunted.  "The solace of your
+companionship sweetens the bitter miles."
+
+"Nay," says she, "I think no better of that trope than the first.  It
+wants a poet to give an originality, a point and grace, to things of
+this sort."
+
+"But every lover is a poet," says I triumphantly.
+
+"I am deluded then," says Cynthia, "for if your love is measured by
+your poetry I am like to die of a broken heart.  But after all, that
+last glib phrase of yours is but a poor sort of speech for a man to
+make to his mistress.  A poet, as all the world knows, is but an
+embellisher of common things."
+
+"A poet is more than that," says I.  "A thousand times more.  A poet
+is----  A poet is----"
+
+"A poet is?" says Cynthia archly.
+
+"The human mind cannot express what a poet is," says I.  "He is all,
+and he is nothing.  He weaves a sovereign spell about material things.
+He can put a new glamour in the stars, although he cannot hold a candle
+to the sun.  He is the airy nothing that can reveal the face of God to
+simple men."
+
+"But what hath all this to do with Love?" says Cynthia.  "And I confess
+I never suspected this phase to your character.  I always held you for
+a common four-square kind of a fellow enough, by no means given to
+these sudden heats and violences, these sudden whimsies and
+nonsensicals."
+
+"No more did I," says I ruefully.  "But it is so like this wretched
+passion to take us in our weakest part, which in me, as you are ever
+the first to remind me, is the head."
+
+"It is not such a wretched passion neither," says Cynthia, "if it is
+but left to itself.  It is these low poets and people that debase it.
+Love is the noblest thing in the world, until your puny twopenny poets
+and the like sing of it, and prate of it, and write an advertisement of
+it, that they may earn enough to spend at the nearest tavern."
+
+"Alas! mistress," says I, "you are too severe on the muse.  There have
+been elegies composed to Love that could dignify even that sacred
+passion."
+
+"All of which the sacred passion could very well have done without,"
+says my didactic miss.  "There is not a painter in the world, be he
+never so cunning, that can put a new colour in the sunset, nor is there
+an author of them all that can add a new rapture to a kiss."
+
+"Body o' me," says I, "you are not a little right there."
+
+If there is any vindication needed of the sex's incontestable
+prerogative to enjoy the last word in any argument, be it of the nature
+of metaphysics, reason or common practice, here is it to be found.  We
+stopped in the middle of the road and concluded our discourse with a
+chaste salute.  And I think there was a strain of poetry in us both as
+we did so.  The weeping heavens smiled upon us; all the wet verdure of
+the spring was a sparkling face that laughed and greeted us.  We went
+along refreshed and more cheerful of heart.
+
+Yet it was a toilsome journey.  The mud clogged our feet, the damp
+pervaded our clothes, and our unaccustomed fatigues of the last few
+days were beginning to tell upon us terribly.  Never in all our lives
+had we given our feet such exercise.  We had not walked much beyond an
+hour this morning before I noticed with something of a sinking heart
+that poor Cynthia was limping.  At first these symptoms were hardly to
+be discerned, and when I taxed her with them, she denied them stoutly.
+But too soon were they revealed beyond a doubt.  It was getting towards
+noon before my proud little miss would in any wise admit this to be the
+case, though.  By then, however, she was so footsore that she could
+scarce drag one foot behind the other.  Chancing to pass near a
+handrail bridge a little later, that spanned a small clear stream
+running over long floating moss and stones, nothing would content me
+but she should go and sit upon it, take off her shoes and stockings,
+and bathe her bruised feet by dangling them over the side.  A little
+cottage nestling close at hand, fenced with box in front and
+apple-trees behind, thither I repaired to beg clean linen rags to wrap
+them in.
+
+The cottage door was opened at my knock by a smiling, buxom housewife,
+who stood out upon a background of crowing babes.  No sooner had I made
+my request than with cheerful energy, says she:
+
+"Oh yes, sir, to be sure I can," and feeling that we were like to find
+a true friend in her, no sooner had I explained the occasion for it
+than she proved a friend indeed.  Having procured these requisites with
+a bustling promptitude, she carried them to Cynthia and found her
+seated on the bridge as I had left her, bathing her toes in the cool
+sweetness of the stream.  With many a "poor lamb!" and many a "deary,
+deary me!" she played the good Samaritan to my unlucky little one.  She
+dried them, comforted them, and bound them up with all the honest grace
+of her great good nature.  Never did I see a woman so brisk and
+motherly, and certainly never one so overflowing with true charity.
+When she had fulfilled her tender offices, and having kissed poor
+Cynthia on both cheeks in a most resounding manner, "because she was
+such a little beauty," she had us both go back with her to the cottage,
+that we might eat a bowl of curds and whey in the arbour cut in the
+laurel bushes, next the well, at the bottom of the garden.
+
+Looking back on the scenes of our itinerary, this bustling, kindly
+housewife makes the fairest picture of them all.  Can the great who
+dwell in palaces conceive the degree of simple happiness it is in the
+power of such a creature to bestow?  Whenever subsequently, in an hour
+of gloom, I may have been led to doubt the essential goodness that lies
+buried in the hearts of our human kind, I insensibly recall the conduct
+of this honest woman on that wet spring morning when we came to her
+door afflicted of mind and body.
+
+By gentle walking we were able to make many more miles that day.  But a
+shadow had come over us.  We had no longer the joyous intrepidity with
+which we had set out less than a week ago.  A foreboding had come upon
+us.  We could not hope to go much farther by our present mode.  My
+little companion, strive as she might to conceal the dire fact, was
+rapidly being overcome.  Her boots were wearing thin, she was already
+suffering much pain, and there was the sum of sevenpence left to us by
+which she could obtain her ease.  We had not the heart to endeavour to
+increase it by blowing further on the flute.  Besides, if the truth of
+that matter must be told, the stocks had given us a particular distaste
+for the gentle instrument.  As the slow, cloud-laden hours passed to
+the occasional accompaniment of rain, with no glint of sunshine to
+relieve their drab monotony, it called for all the courage of which we
+had made a boast that morning to keep us from repining.  The nearer we
+approached the evening the greater was our gloom.  There was the
+eternal problem of food and shelter to be solved.  The previous night
+our audacity had solved it for us.  But in our present state we both
+felt quite incapable of furnishing the necessary spirit and effrontery
+for a repetition of that bold trick.  Alas! our one desire was to be
+wafted by some magic into warmth and plenty that we might sup and fall
+asleep.
+
+We spent our last pence at a hedge inn on our habitual repast of bread
+and cheese and ale.  But the longer we lingered, the cheerless,
+wretched place appeared to heighten our dejection, so that we hailed
+the wet countryside as a relief when we walked out again upon it.  But
+I cannot tell you how we dreaded the coming of night.  The barren
+character of the landscape, and the few people and the fewer
+habitations that we came upon probably increased the depression of our
+spirits.  Indeed, towards evening, the only human being that we
+encountered in several miles was a travelling tinker singing on a
+stile, and I think we could have wished to have been spared this
+meeting.  In our forlorn state we regarded such an irresponsible gaiety
+in the light of a personal affront.  But the dirty rogue had such a
+cheerful, jolly look that I was fain to accost him with my curiosity.
+
+"I beg your pardon, sir," says I, "but why do you uplift your soul in
+merriment on such a dismal afternoon?"
+
+The tinker looked at me suspiciously, and then at his bundle reposing
+at his feet.  He evidently speculated as to what designs I could have
+upon it.
+
+"It is a good world, my lad, that is why I sing," says he, "and you'd
+be singing too, I fancy, if this was your first day out o' jail."
+
+However that might be I am sure we both envied the tinker his frame of
+mind.  Our own was desperate indeed.  There was nothing for it but to
+push on relentlessly, and to hope against hope for some happy chance.
+We were both utterly wearied and dispirited by this; no houses were
+near at hand; and the night was closing in.  We were consoled in a
+slight degree with the thought that we were on a high road and that a
+shelter of one sort or another should not be far to seek.  By what
+means we should be able to avail ourselves of it in our destitute state
+was another question.
+
+In the very height of our distresses we suddenly came upon a wayside
+inn, and a scene of a violent and singular character was being enacted
+on the threshold.  Two persons, a man and a woman of mean appearance,
+had evidently just been ejected from it, since they stood resentfully
+in the middle of the road with divers bundles containing their goods
+and chattels scattered around them.  The landlord stood at the inn
+door, shaking his fist and declaiming his great indignation, whilst his
+wife, standing in a haven of security behind him, was giving rein to
+her own sentiments with neither hesitation nor uncertainty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER
+
+It seemed that the man and woman in the middle of the road were the
+ostler and chambermaid to the inn, who had just been convicted of a
+grave misdemeanour.  The language in which it was designated and
+described by the host and hostess, energetic in form and warm in colour
+as it was, could not, I fear, be reproduced in this chaste narrative.
+It must suffice to say that the guilty persons had been discharged at a
+moment's notice.  They were now resenting this extreme course from
+their station in the middle of the road; and whatever were the colours
+in which their own conduct had been depicted, it is greatly to be
+doubted, whether they could possibly have been more vivid than those
+applied to that of their late master and mistress.
+
+To these people in the midst of their altercation came Cynthia and I.
+Almost at the same instant a similar thought entered the minds of us
+both.  Why should we not apply for these vacated situations?  We had
+had no experience of such duties, it was true.  Our lot indeed would be
+arduous.  But we should at least be provided with a shelter for the
+night; and we could relinquish our unaccustomed tasks the moment we
+might feel ourselves better served by doing so.  A brief whispered
+conference as we stood apart in the road, and we decided to make
+application.  Never for an instant did the idea cross our minds that
+such a highly superior ostler and chambermaid could be anything but
+acceptable to the good people of the inn.  Yet when taking our courage
+in our hands we came up to the door, and I put forward my suggestion
+with a becoming modesty, the landlord seemed by no means so eager to
+close with this tempting offer as I had fully expected he would be.
+
+"Have you a character?" says he sharply.
+
+"Oh yes, I think I have a very good character," says I.
+
+"Humph," says he, "you think you have a very good character, do you?
+Well, my lad, I should like to see it."
+
+"Well," says I, "a character is not very easy to see, unless there is
+something to show it by."
+
+"I am quite aware of that," says the landlord sharply.  "However, we
+will leave this precious pair and go inside, light a candle and look at
+it."
+
+With that, man and wife led the way within, and we followed meekly,
+leaving the discharged couple in the road to pursue their own devices.
+In what way a candle would enable them to discern our characters we
+could not tell, although we were half inclined to think that the common
+phrase "to hold a candle to" might have in fact a more literal
+significance than any we had dreamt of.  The inn kitchen presented a
+rosy fire and a cosy appearance.  The sight of it seemed to increase
+the sense of our unhappy plight, and I think we both anxiously awaited
+the landlord's judgment, for it was impossible to contemplate being
+turned out into the night again with equanimity.
+
+"Now then, my lad," says the landlord, "I will thank you to let me see
+your character."
+
+"I do not know how I can show you my character, sir," I ventured to
+say, "until I have been some little time in your service."
+
+"Come, that won't do, my lad," says the landlord, "I must either see
+your character or out you go."
+
+Filled with misgiving, I was about to ask the landlord for an
+explanation of this odd demand, when it suddenly occurred to me that he
+wished to have it in writing, like any other master who was about to
+engage a servant.  I had to confess that I had not a character.
+
+"Ha," says the landlord keenly.  "Then why did you leave your last
+place?"
+
+I had to confess that I had never had a last place.
+
+"You don't mean to tell me," says the landlord, "that you have had the
+impidence to apply to me when you have never had no experience of the
+dooties?"
+
+I had to explain that such was the case, but earnestly stated that
+whatever I might lack in knowledge I would certainly make up in zeal.
+For all that it was like to have gone hard with our engagement had it
+not been for the intervention of the landlord's wife.  It may have been
+that vanity which is inseparable from the male character, but it did
+seem to me that from the first the good woman had been disposed to
+regard me with favour.
+
+"Well, Joseph," says she at this critical moment, "he is a very proper
+looking young man, I am sure, and as honest looking as the day.  I am
+sure he will do his best if he says he will.  Besides, they are man and
+wife, which is a very main thing."
+
+This reference to the pair of us had the effect of diverting the worthy
+landlord's attention to Cynthia.  No sooner did he observe her than his
+objections became sensibly less formidable than they had been.  And I
+am afraid it was my little madam's _beaux yeux_ and not our
+qualifications and accomplishments that got us the situation.  Yet even
+when we had been duly engaged at four pounds a year and our keep, there
+was like to have been a hitch.  The landlady's closer inspection of us
+revealed the fact that although I might, as she had been good enough to
+say be "a very proper-looking young man," Cynthia in her opinion was
+vastly too fine-looking a young woman.  She even went the length of
+describing her as "a blue-eyed slut."  Whatever the force of her
+objections, however, as she herself was entirely responsible for the
+engagement of the ostler, she could hardly have gainsaid, much as she
+could have wished to have done so, her husband's right to engage the
+chambermaid.
+
+It was in this singular but fortunate fashion then that we found
+ourselves once more provided for.  The inn being on a coaching road was
+not such a mean one as we had at first supposed.  The host and hostess
+of it did not seem to be such bad people either, and as they did not
+except to have company in the place until later in the evening, and
+observing that our travels had left us in a sorry condition, they
+allowed us to make a rough meal, and afterwards to sit by the fire a
+bit.
+
+It went to my heart that my poor little companion should be brought to
+this pass, but she acquiesced in it so cheerfully, and with such a
+merry sense of the occasion as did a great deal to diminish my concern.
+She was indeed a courageous little creature; and there was something
+about her new duties that seemed to amuse her, for she went about them
+with a humorous zest as though she was laughing at herself while she
+did so.  All the same we were genuinely glad when at last the hour came
+for our retirement.  We were thoroughly wearied and footsore too.
+
+We rose in much better heart betimes on the following morning, and set
+about our unaccustomed tasks with a vigour that compensated for our
+inexperience.  After all, they were of an elementary character, not at
+all difficult to learn.  To be sure it was more than a little strange
+at first to find ourselves engaged in such lowly capacities, but when
+after an hour or two the singularity had worn off, they became by no
+means irksome.  Indeed, the novelty of the thing might be said to pass
+the time pleasantly.  But as it happened, we were to be startled out of
+these pursuits in the rudest manner.
+
+It chanced that about noon I had led the horse of a gentleman, who had
+passed the previous night at the inn, out of the stable round to the
+front door.  And while I was holding its head against its master's
+departure there arose a clatter of wheels on the road.  In a minute, or
+less, a chaise drew up at the door.  No glance was needed at its
+occupants to tell me to whom it belonged.  The peculiar shape and
+colour were quite sufficient to advertise me of that matter.  It was
+the Duke in person, accompanied by the indefatigable Mr. Waring.  His
+Grace lost no time in relinquishing the reins, and together they
+stepped from the vehicle to ease their legs somewhat, and entered the
+inn in quest of any little refreshment it might afford them.  Happily
+neither paid much heed to me.  Indeed beyond an order to give an eye to
+the horses and to fetch them a drink of water, I claimed no share of
+their attention.
+
+No sooner had they entered the inn, however, than in the midst of some
+self-congratulation on my present impunity from discovery, I was beset
+with a sudden fear of Cynthia.  What more likely than that they should
+directly encounter her, unless she could be apprised of their
+proximity?  She must be warned at all costs.  Fortunately at that
+moment the owner of the horse, whose head I was holding, appeared and
+relieved me of its charge.  Thereupon I hastily entered to advise
+Cynthia of her danger.  Yet I did so only to find that the worst had
+happened already.
+
+From the parlour the Duke's voice issued in a tremendous key.  There
+could be no doubt that it was as I feared.  I lost no time in hastening
+to my poor little one's assistance, if only to divert a portion of her
+father's wrath.  The scene that confronted me when I entered the inn
+parlour would not by any means have been devoid of a certain
+whimsicality had it not had so sinister a bearing on our fortunes.  The
+innkeeper and his wife stood aghast.  Mr. Waring was languidly helping
+himself to a pinch of snuff with an air of the frankest amusement.
+Cynthia was in a dreadful taking, and weeping bitterly.  The Duke, her
+father, was hopping about like a pea on a hot plate, and threatening to
+go off any minute into an apoplexy.  At my appearance he very nearly
+did so.
+
+"You villain," he squeaked, shaking his fist in my face, and dancing
+round me, "you impudent, unblushing villain!  Have I routed you out at
+last?  Have I run you to earth, you damned young scoundrel?  By God,
+you shall pay a price; yes, you shall, so help me.  Your purse may be
+bankrupt, but you shall pay this account with the last drop of blood
+that is left in your black heart.  Pass your box, Humphrey."
+
+Mr. Waring passed his box with a grim chuckling countenance; and his
+Grace paused in the midst of his violent denunciation to make use of
+it.  It appeared to lend him succour, whereon he continued with renewed
+vigour.  I would not like to set down here the number of hard names he
+put his tongue to, every one of which was levelled at my devoted head.
+To be sure I had used him pretty badly, but I fear that I was not in
+the least repentant.  I listened to his passionate abuse which he
+delivered in a curious senile staccato, with an amusement possibly as
+great as Mr. Waring's own, and certainly more cynical.  I don't think
+at the moment I cared much about the pass I was come to.  I was utterly
+desperate.
+
+Poor little Cynthia, bitterly frightened as she was, and despite the
+tears that streamed from her eyes, was still very brave.  She could not
+bear to hear my name degraded in this manner.  In the face of her
+father's wrath she came to my side and took my hand, and I loved her
+the better for the deed.
+
+"Landlord," says his Grace, "don't stand gaping there like a pig on a
+spit.  Just have the goodness to bestir yourself, and fetch the
+constables.  This young scoundrel shall not go out of my sight, except
+in custody.  The law hath wanted him long, and as I'm a person, it
+shall have him, too."
+
+It was somewhere about this point in the scene, I think, that a bold
+expedient came unexpectedly into my head.  It had a full measure of
+audacity befitting the occasion.  If only we could make a dash out into
+the road and gain possession of the chaise one short instant before our
+enemies, all was not lost even now.  It was truly a remote chance, yet
+it was the only one that offered.  Therefore no sooner had it entered
+my mind than I set my will to work to put it in practice.  With this
+end in view I gave a furtive eye to the position of the parlour door.
+I found myself even now the nearest person to it.  I must contrive to
+get still nearer and acquaint Cynthia of the nature of my desperate
+design without arousing the suspicions of our furious papa or the
+languid Mr. Waring.
+
+As the landlord stood hesitating as to which course he should adopt,
+the Duke directed some attention to him, and gave him freely of his
+orders.  It was while our papa was thus engaged that I bent down to
+Cynthia and whispered my audacious plan into her ear.  From that moment
+we turned all our energies towards getting closer to the door without
+being suspected of doing so.  Every step we could encroach might
+presently be of the greatest possible service.  Unfortunately the fact
+that the parlour-door was closed was a great barrier.  We should not
+have time to open it and get away.
+
+The Duke having at last prevailed on the landlord to go for the
+constables, it was with inexpressible anxiety that we watched him go
+out of the room.  If he would but leave that door unlatched we had just
+a chance of getting to the chaise in time.  With a thrill of
+satisfaction we saw him go out, leaving the door wide open behind him.
+The Duke and Mr. Waring were apart at the other end of the room, quite
+oblivious of any scheme we might be evolving.  They had forgotten
+apparently that a chaise and a pair of horses stood outside the door.
+Carefully noting the actions of our enemies and the degree of attention
+they thought fit to pay us, we sidled nearer and nearer, an inch at a
+time, to the parlour-door.  And at last, having concluded that the
+landlord had got well clear of the premises, and was therefore not
+likely to present any obstacle, I decided that now or never was the
+moment.  I whispered my last brief instructions to my little companion;
+and then taking our careless captors entirely unawares, she darted out
+through the door, and I as swiftly followed her.
+
+The scheme had been thoroughly matured in my mind.  To allow Cynthia
+time to run on and gain access to the chaise, a proper control of the
+reins, and to set the horses in motion, I did not follow her at once,
+but preferred to bang the parlour-door in the face of our pursuers, and
+clung with both hands to the handle that they might be impeded as much
+as possible.  Once aroused to their danger, they lost not a second of
+time in besieging the door, but with my back firmly planted against the
+opposite wall I was quite a match for them in the matter of hauling.  I
+was able to detain them the wrong side therefore, until a cry from
+Cynthia informed me that she had fulfilled her part of the business.
+Thereon I suddenly released the handle, and our enemies found
+themselves so unexpectedly in possession, that they fell back one upon
+another, whilst I ran forth to the chaise.
+
+It was already starting briskly down the road.  I was able to overtake
+it and get in by the time the Duke and his friend showed at the door;
+and though they ran after us for a few yards they soon came to the
+conclusion, with the horses fleeing faster and faster, that immediate
+pursuit was hopeless, and relinquished the chase accordingly.  We had
+not gone very far, however, when we overtook the landlord on his way to
+fetch the constables.  That puzzled fellow made no effort to detain us,
+and in that I think he was well advised.
+
+It was some little time before we could get the excitement engendered
+by these events out of our minds, and realize that we were still in
+possession of our freedom, that most cherished thing, for which we were
+doing and suffering so much.  We had a chaise and a pair of horses too.
+But I do not think that any two persons could have looked so little in
+their places in such a handsome vehicle.  The appearance we presented
+must have been highly ridiculous.  Neither of us had cloaks or
+coverings for our heads, whilst I, in the pursuit of my late
+occupation, had divested myself of my coat in addition.  We were thus
+in absurd contrast to our fine manner of procedure.  Having put an
+honest mile between us and the inn, we began to examine the contents of
+the chaise with an eager curiosity, not unmingled with anxiety.  The
+first articles to rejoice our hearts were several thick rugs, which we
+lost no time in putting to use.  There was a case of pistols, too; and
+over and above these things we discovered to our supreme satisfaction a
+couple of travelling valises, the property of Mr. Waring and his Grace.
+
+Our straits were much too dire for our minds to be greatly oppressed
+with the morality of things.  To us it seemed as though these
+travelling valises had come from heaven.  Robinson Crusoe on his island
+could not have had a devouter thankfulness when he recovered the
+articles from the wreck than we had in the contemplation of our
+treasure.  We experienced an exquisite curiosity as we speculated on
+what they might contain.  However, we deferred the opening of them,
+partly because the time and place would for the present be ill-chosen
+(we must put many more miles between us and the enemy before we could
+venture to draw rein) and again, because we desired, like a pair of
+children, to draw out to the outmost the pains of our delicious
+expectation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES
+
+In this rapt condition of mind, and in this remarkable fashion did we
+proceed along the road.  Through villages and hamlets, past churches
+and inns, up hill and down we took our gallant way.  The sense of rapid
+motion made without the least inconvenience to our own jaded limbs,
+coming after hours of arduous travelling by their painful exercise, was
+incomparable, unless it be likened to what the soul must feel when
+wafted to Elysium on a cloud, after suffering the slow agonies of
+death.  The exhilaration of our progress was wonderful indeed.
+Steaming along the highways in an elegant equipage, the late oppression
+fell off our spirits and gaiety came out in us once again.  We did not
+know whither we were going, to be sure; it was sufficient that we were
+fortified with ways and means once more, and that we had so audaciously
+contrived to leave our pursuers in the lurch.
+
+"I wonder what are the contents of these boxes," says I, indulging a
+delightful speculation as we sped along.
+
+"I suppose we ought not to touch them, whatever they are," says Cynthia
+nervously.
+
+"In that case," says I, "we must not open them."
+
+"Oh, I think we might safely do that," says Cynthia in a voice of the
+deepest disappointment.  "Although they are not ours, that is no
+reason, as far as I can see, why we should not have just one peep at
+what they are.  That will be doing harm to no one, will it?"
+
+"I fear it will be otherwise," says I mischievously.  "For if we get so
+far as the opening of the boxes I am sure we shall not be content with
+a mere inspection of the contents."
+
+"Oh, Jack," says the indignant Cynthia, "how can you talk so.  I am
+sure you cannot mean to infer that we should be guilty of anything--of
+anything we ought not to be guilty of."
+
+"Of appropriating articles that belong to others, for example."
+
+"Yes," says she, "that is what I meant."
+
+"Well," says I, "is there not the melancholy case of our refusing the
+highwayman's booty in one form and accepting it in another?"
+
+"That I am sure we did not," says Mistress Virtue.  "We did not ask him
+to pay our bill."
+
+"To be sure we did not," says I, "but he paid it, none the less.  Now,
+had we acted in that matter according to your fine ideas, we should, in
+the first place, have delivered that highwayman up to the King's
+justice; then the rape of the squire's guineas would never have been
+committed, and the landlord's bill would not have been paid at all.
+That is why one is ever so perplexed by these high principles of
+conduct.  Why draw the line in one place and not in another?  Do we not
+make these arbitrary distinctions and often deny ourselves all manner
+of things thereby, when we can least afford to do without them, and yet
+there is not a day that passes but what we commit offences against our
+codes of honour with a cheerful heart.  So much depends upon the title
+by which an act is dignified.  Persons in our degree of life refer to
+certain sources of their emolument as privilege and monopoly, whereas
+if they were enjoyed by those in a humbler sphere, who would hesitate
+to denounce them as robbery and fraud?  Now these boxes being in our
+possession, and as we are quite destitute of means, is not there a
+hundred ways by which we can prevail upon our consciences to permit us
+to enjoy their contents?"
+
+Cynthia stoutly denied this specious reasoning at the time.  But after
+awhile, when the horses began to flag, and hunger, our ancient dogged
+enemy, began once more to assert himself, she was inclined to look at
+the matter in a rather more lenient light.
+
+"We must incontinently perish of starvation by the way," says I,
+"unless these chests of Mr. Waring and his Grace, your papa, can help
+us.  Now which course shall we adopt?  And we to take the articles
+therein as a loan, fully intending to recompense their owners at a more
+fortunate season? or shall we simply take them without any reservation
+whatever, as lawful prizes won from the enemy in open fight?"
+
+"I think I like the idea of the 'borrowing' best," says the scrupulous
+Cynthia.
+
+"Very well, then, we will effect a loan," says I.
+
+We could hardly venture to pull up at the door of any reputable inn in
+our present state.  We were the beggars no longer, but a lady and
+gentleman of quality.  Persons who drive about the country a pair of
+fine horses and a chariot of the first fashion are compelled to support
+their responsibilities.  That is ever the eternal drawback.  I, clad in
+the meanest of garments, divested of my coat and hat, would have been
+entirely at ease in my former mean character, and should have passed
+unnoticed in it.  But once I drove to the inn door in the Duke's
+chaise, attired in that fashion, I should be the talk of the place.
+Therefore I brought the horses to a halt, in a secluded part of the
+road, and proceeded to investigate the nature of the articles in the
+chests, in order to see if they could afford an embellishment to our
+present unfortunate garb.  We hoped to discover some money, too, for we
+had not so much as a penny between us.
+
+However, no sooner did we try to open these valises, than we received a
+serious set back.  They were both securely locked.  Search as we might
+among the cushions of the chaise, we could find, as we anticipated,
+never a trace of the keys.  We were greatly dashed, but still it was an
+opportunity for the display of our resources.  I got out of the
+vehicle, and after much poking about in a ditch at the side of the
+road, discovered a heavy stone.  Armed with this, I attempted to knock
+off the fastenings from Mr. Waring's box.  It was a tedious, weary
+business, for they were stout indeed, but at last patience, if not
+virtue, met with its reward.  The lid flew open and disclosed the
+precious contents.
+
+Conscious of our ragged, penniless condition, we enjoyed every thrill
+that such treasure trove could afford us.  To prolong our pleasure we
+refrained from all reckless rummaging, but drew forth and duly examined
+each article in the order in which it was packed.  First came a suit of
+clothes, and then silk stockings, shoes, another suit of clothes,
+handkerchiefs, a razor, brushes, a cocked hat, and all the details that
+go to make up the masculine attire.
+
+But although we delved to the bottom of the box and searched every inch
+of it, we could not discover so much as a copper piece in money.  This
+was a severe disappointment, and we addressed ourselves fearfully to
+the opening of the Duke's box, for should that prove barren of it too,
+our pass would be indeed a sore one.
+
+It was no easier matter to force this box than it had been the other,
+but at last our task was accomplished and the thing stood open before
+us.  The articles within it bore a striking resemblance to those in the
+other, only that they were not so elegant and costly.  They began with
+a shirt and a white cotton night-cap, and below we came upon a wig and
+a dressing-gown, but although our hearts might beat never so wildly it
+was in vain that we looked for money.  Indeed, the only things that we
+might regard as a substitute for it were a few trifling articles of
+jewellery, such as a solitaire and a gold pin or two for the Duke's
+neckcloth, a pearl button, and a pair of shoes with silver buckles.
+
+"Oh," says I, bitterly, "never again will I be at the trouble of
+picking his Grace's baggage if this be the manner of his travelling.
+One would have thought that a duke of all people would have gone
+equipped handsomely.  I expected to find guineas galore; or, allowing
+his Grace to be a thrifty soul, and that he preferred to carry them in
+his boots or next his heart, I had certainly looked for a profusion of
+gold diamond ornaments.  Why, curse it all, never one of his toilet
+requisites hath so much as a pearl or silver handle.  Why, even his
+night-cap, which should be studded with precious stones, like the fez
+of the Shah of Persia, is but a common affair of white cotton.  A Duke
+is not alive to the responsibilities of his position who goes about
+with these mean accompaniments."
+
+"Poor papa," says Cynthia, sadly, "I confess that I ought to have known
+that we must go wanting should we rely on him.  It was ever his chief
+foible to make a halfpenny go as far as two farthings possibly could.
+Even the solitaire surprises me.  I am sure he must be proposing to
+break his journey at the house of the rich widow at Bath, to whom he
+hath been paying his addresses this twelvemonth, else he would never
+have encumbered himself with such an extravagant finery."
+
+We were, indeed, bitterly disappointed.  Here we were, two persons of
+quality, with our own horses and chariot, with two boxes of luggage and
+a case of pistols, and not a grey groat piece to the two of us.  This
+fact seemed to acquire a new irony from our otherwise liberal
+circumstances.  Whatever could we do?  Cynthia suggested that we should
+sell one of the horses, as two were not essential.  However, I was firm
+in the opinion that so long as we retained the chaise we must have two
+horses to draw it, for the Duke was certain to lose not an instant in
+pursuing us in the hottest manner.  I then proposed that we should part
+with the vehicle itself and both the horses, and resume our wandering
+nomad life once more.
+
+Cynthia shuddered at this.  She had plainly no zest now for our former
+mode, nor could it be wondered at, poor child, when her trials and
+exertions came to be considered.  Had there only been me in the case I
+should not have hesitated to try to find a purchaser for our equipage,
+difficult as the matter might have proved.  For I was convinced that we
+were really in a more unsafe situation now than ever before.  It would
+be impossible to avoid publicity; and at every inn we came to we should
+be the objects of conjecture, and everything pertaining to us would be
+discussed and commented on.  Besides, we could no longer sleep where we
+listed.  The horses would require rest and succour whatever the
+deprivations of their masters.
+
+After addressing and re-addressing ourselves to the great problem of
+how to obtain the service of innkeepers without paying for the same, we
+came to the conclusion that we could best hope to do so by adopting a
+former expedient, which was attended with not unhappy results.  In lieu
+of hard cash we must present them with a grievous tale of being stopped
+by a highwayman, who had taken our last penny.  To do this with the
+best effect, however, we must neglect no opportunity of maintaining in
+our own persons the status of our chaise and horses.  My own attire did
+well enough for an ostler, but as our friend Mr. Sadler had pointed
+out, it was likely to detract from the story we had to tell.
+Therefore, I decided to exchange my raiment for the more appropriate
+clothes of Mr. Waring.  I did not apprehend any difficulty in regard to
+the fit, as we were greatly alike in stature.
+
+With this end in view I selected the necessary articles of apparel from
+the box, and left Cynthia to take care of our vehicle, whilst I retired
+into the shelter of a neighbouring hedge and made a complete
+transformation of my outward semblance.  Mrs. Cynthia was hugely
+delighted at the result.  She had never quite been able to acquiesce in
+my late style, and her feelings on the subject were pretty clearly
+indicated by her immense satisfaction now.
+
+"Shoes, and silk stockings too," says she with a childlike pleasure.
+"And what a dear laced coat, and what nice white ruffles!  I am certain
+you make a far more perfect gentleman than you do an ostler, though to
+be sure you are greatly lacking a shave."
+
+"It is ever so," says I.  "The moment one goes up in the world one's
+responsibilities multiply.  When I was an ostler my unrazored chin
+passed without comment; but the moment I improve my condition I must
+shave every morning, or else be more miserable than ever I was in my
+former station."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia was too preoccupied with my appearance to chide me for
+long-winded truisms of this sort.  I must not omit to state that during
+my absence she had supplied the deficiencies in her own attire by
+taking a smart three-cornered hat of Mr. Waring's which, though greatly
+too large for her, she had contrived artfully to adjust on the back of
+her head, and thereby gained a sweetly rakish appearance from it; and
+further supplied her lack of a cloak in a no less skilful fashion by
+draping one of the rugs about her in a way that simulated such an
+article.
+
+We came to an inn with our pitiful tale.  We had it all most
+wonderfully pat, having rehearsed it carefully, until we were able to
+pour it forth with an infinity of detail.  If the distressed condition
+of the horses, and our own evident sincerity were not enough, there
+were the boxes all tumbled and ransacked to add weight to the evidence.
+Our imposition being so well received, and the attitude of the landlord
+seeming so friendly, we determined to run the risk of being overtaken,
+and break our journey here for an hour while we made a meal, and the
+horses were fed and rested.  Whether it was that the landlord was a man
+of a most tender heart, or that our address was so truly excellent, I
+cannot say, but certainly the honest fellow did not hesitate to take us
+at our own valuation.  If there was any small particular in which he
+could serve the earl and countess he should be more than happy.  The
+small particular in which he was able to do so was by remitting the
+amount of our charges against a future occasion, and by lending us a
+guinea or two on no better security than the possession of our pleasant
+manners and a chaise and a pair of horses.
+
+We went our way in much better heart.  We were fortified indeed by such
+a generous confidence.  And so susceptible is the mind to the opinion
+of others, that on the strength of the landlord's disposition, we began
+to hold up our heads again in the world, and to take a rose-coloured
+view of our affairs.  All was not lost yet by a good deal.  With our
+admirable equipage we had resources of a sort; and we were still in the
+complete possession of our freedom.  It remained for us to utilize it
+to the full.
+
+It was while we were engaged with this train of speculation that a
+concrete and definite idea came into my head.  Why not make for the
+port of Bristol and flee the country?  Why not indeed?
+
+"A brave plan, truly," Cynthia says, "but we cannot do it without
+money."
+
+"We will sell our horses and chariot to some honest vintner of Bristol
+city," says I, "and the proceeds should easily suffice to take us to
+the Americas."
+
+Although Mrs. Cynthia shook her head and deprecated it as a wild-goose
+scheme, she was compelled to admit that it was the best that offered.
+Her protests were not unmingled with regret, for she could not be got
+to consider it so light a thing to renounce her country.  For my part I
+must confess that I was troubled with no such scruples.  Like all
+persons who serve it scurvily, and who are least of an ornament to it,
+I held myself to be as ill-used by it as ever it had been by me.  I
+felt that I could renounce it for ever without a pang.
+
+After some little meditation I became immeasurably taken with this
+scheme.  There was no reason why with one bold stroke we should not
+renounce our liabilities and put away our dangers.  Every hour we spent
+in England now was at our peril.  But let us reach the port of Bristol
+and turn our chaise and horses into ready money sufficient to defray
+the expenses of the voyage, and once again should we be able to breathe
+the air of freedom.  Seeing me more than ever possessed with the
+notion, Mrs. Cynthia, like a dutiful wife, began presently to yield to
+it.  She owned at least that a life over seas could not be much more
+precarious than the one we were at present enjoying, and it might
+conceivably be less so.
+
+"But I could wish," says she, "that we had more to found our fortunes
+on.  How can we support ourselves when we get to--to
+what-d'ye-call-'em?"
+
+"You will spin, my dear," says I, "and I shall delve, in some lone wood
+cabin on the prairie."
+
+"But we shall perish of the dulness in a twelve-month."
+
+"Oh no, my dear," says I, "there will be wild beasts and Red Indians to
+provide us with more than enough of relaxation."
+
+By slow degrees I brought her so entirely to my way of thinking, that
+she became as keen to make the port of Bristol as ever I could be.
+Indeed, so much were we put in mind of this that we began to make
+inquiries of our whereabouts, that we might set our faces thither at
+the earliest moment.  We lay that night at an honest, comfortable inn,
+and learned to our surprise that our wanderings had brought us to
+within a day's journey of Exeter.  We had certainly not supposed that
+we had come so far from town, nor that we had penetrated so far into
+the country of the enemy.  For, as Cynthia excitedly exclaimed, in the
+near neighbourhood of Exeter was her father's seat.  This unexpected
+circumstance wrought upon her in a singular way.
+
+"I would dearly love to look on the old place for the last time," she
+said.
+
+Although her father's house had in itself so slight a hold on her
+affection that she had renounced its advantages for ever, despite all
+the desperate consequences of such an act, its proximity had still the
+power to kindle a sentiment in her heart.  Besides, as a little later
+she pointed out, there was a certain expedience in going thither.
+There were some small pieces of her personal property that she had left
+behind in the sudden recklessness of her flight, which could be easily
+retrieved and would add materially to our resources.  This to my mind
+was something like an argument.  I had no longer that fine disregard
+for ways and means with which I had set out on our pilgrimage.  Money
+was a base consideration enough, but it seemed a mighty difficult
+matter to do without it.  Cynthia's few jewels and trinkets were likely
+to serve us too well, even in the Americas, for us to afford to
+disregard them.
+
+Here then was an end to all my objects.  We would diverge a little out
+of the straight road to Bristol, and pay a visit to Cynthia's home in
+the absence of her papa.  We counted for our safety on the fact that we
+must be some hours ahead of that irate old gentleman.  All the same, we
+were taking a considerable risk.  Much depended on how soon our papa
+had been able to replace the chaise and horses we had stolen from him.
+But I do not think we hesitated an instant on this account, having once
+committed ourselves to this daring course.  Besides, there was a
+certain savour of humour in paying a call on his Grace in these
+circumstances, which did a great deal to reconcile us to the
+inconvenience.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY
+
+The whimsical plan fixed in our minds, we began at once to conceive a
+keener rest for our affairs.  Notwithstanding the urgency of our
+travelling, we had not exchanged the Duke's horses at any of the
+posting-houses we had passed.  Poverty had taught us a fine economic
+prudence.  Whatever we might gain in speed we should lose in momentary
+value, for his Grace's animals were an admirable pair, on which the
+best part of our fortune depended at Bristol.  The continuous strain
+was already telling on them, however, and they flagged a good deal
+during the day.
+
+The evening had already come when we approached our destination.  Among
+the country lanes in the twilight it called for all Cynthia's intimate
+knowledge of the neighbourhood to enable us to pursue the direct path
+to her father's house.  The moon was showing over the trees, and we
+were within a mile of the place, according to madam's account, when we
+were startled by a disconcerting incident.  A sudden clatter of horses'
+hoofs arose in the lane.  From whence they came we could not tell; but
+before we had time to think much about them, a horseman was riding
+beside us, with a particularly sinister-looking pistol presented at our
+faces.
+
+My poor little madam nestled to me in a great deal of terror; but for
+my own part I must confess that I was more annoyed than daunted by such
+an unwarrantable intrusion.
+
+"My dear fellow," I protested, "you are but wasting your time; and you
+are wasting ours too, which just now I am inclined to think is the more
+valuable.  We have not a guinea in the world.  Had we one we should be
+only too happy to present it to you."
+
+The highwayman laughed in a familiar voice.
+
+"Why," says he, putting a pair of mischievous eyes into the chaise, "is
+it not my friend, Lord What's-his-name?"
+
+"My love," says I to the trembling Cynthia, "here is your papa."
+
+"Of course," says the highwayman, "you mean the Duke of Thing-em-bob."
+
+"To be sure I do," says I.  "We are very well met, I think."
+
+By this our chaise had stopped, and Mr. Sadler had pulled his horse up
+too.  I was not at all displeased by this interruption, for in any
+circumstances the sight of this merry, cheerful fellow was welcome.  He
+was one of those rare persons whose voice alone had the power to charm.
+He was a genial rogue indeed; an engaging spirit whom to meet was to
+ask to dinner.  We were already the better for his society.
+
+Therefore, as we had but a mile to go to the Duke's house--Hurley Place
+was the name of it--I proposed that we should carry him along with us,
+and enjoy his company at dinner.  Mr. Sadler was nothing loth.
+
+Wherefore it fell out that the Lady Cynthia returned to her ancestral
+home in the company of a notorious highwayman, and a bankrupt, a
+discredited peer.  What a suppressed excitement there was to be sure
+when we drove up to the door, and it became known among the servants
+that the Lady Cynthia had returned of her own free will!  More than one
+aged servitor, who had grown old in the service of the Duke, was so
+affected by the erring child's return that he shed a silent tear.
+Inquiry elicited the fact that there was no reason to expect our papa
+at present: and that not a word had been heard of his Grace since he
+had left the house in pursuit of his naughty daughter.
+
+Nothing could have been more delightful than the sensations we
+experienced on our brief re-entry into civilization.  What luxuries in
+the matter of washing, shaving, and polishing generally were we able to
+enjoy after the discomforts of our itinerary!
+
+Cynthia had her own maid to dress her; Mr. Sadler was provided with a
+valet of the Duke's, and another man was found for me.  Orders were
+given to the butler that the best dinner for three persons the cook
+could devise was to be served in an hour, and in the meantime we
+arrayed ourselves in our choicest garments to do justice to it.  It was
+the last evening of luxury we were likely to spend; and we were
+determined that we would neglect no opportunity of making the most of
+it.
+
+The contents of Mr. Waring's valise were a material assistance to my
+wardrobe, and for that matter to Mr. Sadler's too.  His silk stockings
+and breeches, brocaded vests, and laced coats, served us admirably.  We
+took advantage of them, chiefly, I think, for the laudable reason that
+we might do the more honour to Cynthia and the dinner.  And I at least
+am free to confess that the sensation of having once again clean smart
+clothes upon my person gave a wonderful impetus to my self-esteem.  I
+felt that I could look the world in the face once more, and that I was
+again my own man.  I never was a scoffer at the virtues of fine
+clothes, and distrust him that is.  So long as one is sure of one's
+tailor, one's soul may take care of itself.  The grace of a good coat
+is communicated to the wearer.
+
+Although Mr. Sadler and I were attired as near the first fashion as our
+borrowed plumes would permit, we were as nothing to Mrs. Cynthia.  When
+she joined us in the room where the dinner was laid, my friend, the
+highwayman, _blas�_ as he was, could not repress his admiration.  She
+did indeed appear to perfection not only in the cunning of her gown,
+but in the sparkling animation of her face, her lively colour, and the
+mocking intrepidity lurking in her eyes.
+
+Her mood was a match for the occasion.  She clearly recognized the
+extravagant whimsicality of sitting down to dinner in such company, at
+such a season, and in such a place.  It was a piece of mad folly, of
+cynical bravado; and she took her seat at the table with an air of
+reckless mischief that was wholly adorable.  She played the game.
+To-morrow we must leave our native land for ever, but that night we
+contrived to forget everything--our perilous situation, our destitution
+and our desperate case, in quips and jests, good wine and boisterous
+laughter.
+
+Mr. Sadler afterwards, very deservedly I do not doubt, came to be
+hanged.  But it was sound judgment in me to invite him to our last
+dinner.  What a fine merry rogue he was, to be sure!  What an instinct
+he betrayed for goodfellowship!  He came to be hanged, it is true, but
+that night his laugh rang the loudest and frankest, his jests had the
+keenest edge, and it was from his eyes that the most whole-hearted
+humour beaconed.  He was as merry a rascal as any with whom I ever had
+the honour to drain a glass.  But he was a man of true breeding too, so
+that he neither embarrassed Mrs. Cynthia as a highwayman less of a
+gentleman doubtless would have done in such singular circumstances; nor
+did he once arouse anger or jealousy in me.
+
+"To your eyes, your ladyship, and to your lordship's nose," so far from
+provoking offence, became a source of mirth from the frank jovial tones
+with which it was uttered, and the inimitable gestures by which it was
+accompanied.  For his own part, Mr. Sadler admitted that this meeting
+was highly piquant to him, since on a former occasion he had solemnly
+written us down in his own mind as a pair of cheats and impostors.  It
+struck him as an entirely remarkable circumstance that after all we
+should prove to be the very persons we had purported to be; and as one
+no less so, that he should ever have presumed us to be otherwise.  But
+as I pointed out to him, after all, his error was not so surprising.
+The judgment of the world is at the mercy of the obvious.  It prefers
+to appraise a picture by its frame.  Were it otherwise, our very
+titles, and material distinctions of that kind, would cease to have a
+meaning.
+
+Oblivious of everything, we continued to cat and drink, and be of good
+cheer.  In the audacity of our mood neither Cynthia nor I gave a
+thought to our pursuers.  We did not consider that we were in the house
+of the enemy, and that it could be by no means unexpected that we
+should be surprised at any hour.  And I am not sure that we were
+prepared greatly to care should aught so untoward happen.  By this I
+believe we were utterly desperate.  A reaction had come upon us.  We,
+who had been so excessively solicitous for the well-being of our skins
+and the preservation of our perfect liberty, were at this moment unable
+to muster much interest in these matters.  We were in a warm room, in a
+congenial society, snug, well fed, and mighty well content.  No two
+persons could have been in a happier case in which to confront the
+worst.  Let the devil walk in if he chose.  For once we were in a
+condition to beard him.  Our cheeks burnt; our eyes shone; our hearts
+were overflowing and generous.
+
+Such was the state of our minds, when without a solitary note of
+warning, and as a wholly natural consequence, the devil walked in.  In
+the very height of our cheerful rattle, of our foolish talk that
+hallowed by the bottle was so witty, the door opened suddenly, and the
+oath that sprang to my lips involuntarily to greet the servant who had
+so unceremoniously obtruded himself upon our familiar gaiety, was
+stifled before it was uttered.  The little Duke hopped in, purple, and
+gobbling like a turkey.  The cool and smiling Mr. Humphrey Waring,
+chewing his eternal wisp of straw, followed at his heels at a more
+elegant leisure.
+
+I suppose their sudden unheralded appearance was to us in the nature of
+a thunderbolt.  Yet after all it was so little unexpected as not to
+astonish us.  And, speaking for myself, now that I was fairly cornered,
+my last card played, the old recklessness returned, and instead of
+faltering before this outraged old gentleman, I rose, bowed, and
+greeted him with the completest self possession.  And as I did so,
+whether by virtue of the noble wine of his Grace's cellar, or as
+probably by an ecstasy of desperation, I conceived a kind of joy of our
+meeting.
+
+Between his alternate gobblings and hoppings and gaspings for breath,
+the old gentleman must have come perilously close to his inevitable
+apoplexy.  At first in his inarticulate fury he could neither speak nor
+act; and I found myself awaiting his good pleasure quite a long time,
+with a smile of greeting on my lips, and my hand on my heart.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+THE LAST
+
+In the end it was neither his Grace nor I who broke the spell.  Mr.
+Waring took the wisp of straw from his teeth, and says:
+
+"Tiverton, my dear fellow, you amuse me."
+
+"I rather amuse myself," says I, a little wearily.  "We are come to the
+last act in this somewhat pitiful poor-hearted sort of farce, and I
+suppose we must continue furiously to laugh until the curtain is rung
+down."
+
+"Of course, my dear fellow, of course," says Waring.  "But before we do
+so, would it not be as well if we had a few brief explanations in the
+true stage manner?  In the first place, may I ask why you so
+persistently shun the society of the one person who is the most likely
+to contribute something towards setting you right in the eyes of the
+world?"
+
+"I confess I do not understand you," says I.
+
+"Then I am sorry for it," says my rival, with a strange frank smile.
+"For, after all, the person I refer to is myself."
+
+"You?" says I.
+
+The incredulity in my voice caused the man to open his snuff-box very
+deliberately, and to offer its contents to me.
+
+"Perhaps, after all," says he, "there is no particular reason why you
+should take my meaning.  For you have doubtless forgotten that I am the
+only person now alive who was privileged to witness a certain incident.
+But that of course may be a fact you may wish to forget; or the
+incident in question may be too trifling for your recollection.  In any
+case I ask your pardon if I weary you."
+
+"On the contrary," says I coldly, "you interest me vastly."
+
+"The topic is one I should crave your pardon for mentioning," says the
+other, with his baffling air; "were not your interest so greatly at
+stake.  I presume you are not unacquainted with the construction the
+world hath already put upon this matter?"
+
+"I am not," says I curtly.
+
+"Then I hope, my dear fellow," says Waring, "you will accept a service,
+however slight, at my hands.  My testimony may be of some little value
+to you before a jury of your peers."
+
+My rival held out his hand with a jovial grace.  I stood looking at it,
+groping, with the wine still in my brain.  For the candour sparkling in
+the fellow's eyes was a thing I had never seen in that place before;
+the winning earnestness of it was so hard to realize that it
+overwhelmed me.  The bitter truth suddenly poured into my heart like a
+torrent.
+
+"My God," says I, "all this time I have been weighing your character by
+the measure of my own.  Is it not ever the fate of the mean and the
+little to do so?  You have been the phantom, from whom we have fled.
+The phantom, however, was not in a chaise and pair, but in our own
+hearts!"
+
+"The old fault, Tiverton, I protest," says Waring.  "What a trite,
+pragmatical, moralizing fellow it is!  I do hope you will not, like
+your damned old ancestor, lay a burden on an unprovoking posterity and
+write a book."
+
+"Ecod, I will," says I, "one day.  I will take a revenge of my mean
+mind by exhibiting it naked to the sneers of the world.  But in the
+meantime, Waring, I must show you in your true colours to my little
+Cynthia.  Even her feminine penetration had not divined them."
+
+It was a light word, lightly uttered; and I cursed myself.  The man was
+as pale as his neckcloth, and the old mocking whimsicality--alas!  I
+had nearly writ ugliness--was in his eyes.  There was but an instant in
+which this was to be observed, however, for with shaking fingers he
+opened his snuff-box, and regained possession of himself.
+
+I offered him my hand.
+
+"Waring," says I, "we cannot ever be friends.  You will continue to
+loathe me as you would a thief; and I on my part shall continue to hate
+you for the consummate hypocrite and charlatan you are.  But, curse my
+jacket, sir! as a dilettante in the arts, as a lover of the beautiful,
+I shall reverence for ever your singularly noble character."
+
+"Then I am repaid," says this cynical, candid devil.  "'Tis the reward
+I had looked for, my good Tiverton, that you, robber and ruffian as you
+are, whose foremost desire will ever be to put an inch of steel in my
+heart, should yet be condemned to lay your neck in the dust while
+Humphrey Waring walks upon it.  I do not think I could desire a
+prettier revenge.  'Tis a dear pretty chit, though."
+
+Involuntarily his eyes wandered across the room to Cynthia.  Mine
+followed them, in spite of myself, jealously.  It was then I saw that a
+strange thing had happened.  Father and daughter were seated together,
+tears streaming down their faces, locked in one another's arms.
+
+"Your victory is completer than I had supposed," says my rival coolly.
+
+At the moment I did not perceive the full force of his meaning.  An
+instant later, however, I had that felicity.  The old man in a broken
+voice called me over to him.  The tears still streamed down his cheeks.
+
+"I am a foolish, fond old man," says his Grace.  "Curse it all, was
+there ever such a damned, snuffling, weak old fool as I am!  Ecod, I
+must be very old.  How old am I, Humphrey?"
+
+"Eighty-two in December, Duke."
+
+"Curse me, so I am," says his Grace.  "If I hadn't been so old--if I
+had been eighty now, if I had been eighty--I would 'a broken a stick
+across your shoulders, miss, and I would 'a peppered your hide with
+lead, young what's-your-name.  But as I'm so old, 'od's lud!  I suppose
+I must be benevolent.  Miss says she loves you, young man--don't you,
+my pretty pet?--And she says you love her, so I suppose you had better
+marry her.  Humphrey won't mind; will you, Humphrey?  You be an old
+bachelor, and don't be plagued with daughters.  But I forget the
+fellow's name; what's his name, Humphrey?"
+
+"Tiverton," says Humphrey.
+
+"Of course," says the Duke.  "Knew your father, young man; thin man
+with a bald head and no chin; used to stutter when he got excited.
+Knew your grandfather too.  Of course I knew your grandfather, he, he,
+he!  Was at Eton with him.  Great man, your grandfather; writ a
+pamphlet or something.  Dirty little varlet at Eton; had red hair.
+What is the amount of your debts, young man?  I suppose I must pay 'em,
+though why I don't know.  But we'll go into it to-morrow, young
+Tiverton.  I must go to bed.  Give me your shoulder, Humphrey."
+
+Here is the end of my prosaic history.  The Duke's credit and
+influence, and Mr. Waring's testimony averted those calamities that had
+been such a nightmare to us.  We also had the banns cried; and were
+married all over again by Parson Scriven, lest any irregularities in
+regard to the union of Jane Smith and John Jones, or Jane Jones and
+John Smith, should recoil on their heirs.  Mr. Waring lives on his
+property in Ireland, troubles Saint James's little, and Devonshire
+less.  Mr. Sadler, as I have said, came to be hanged.  No man of the
+world was more courteous and polite than he; no man was more genial;
+yet I should be the last to deny that his fate was richly merited.
+Even in the very moment of our reconciliation on that eventful night,
+he stole away.  A pair of cameos of great price went with him, I grieve
+to say.  It may, of course, have been his boast that he too was a lover
+of the beautiful.
+
+
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+LONDON: WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED.
+
+
+
+
+WARD, LOCK & CO.'S
+
+Sevenpenny Net Novels
+
+_Cloth Gilt.  With frontispiece, and attractive coloured wrapper_, 7_d.
+net_.
+
+
+Fiction-lovers have welcomed the appearance in this dainty and
+attractive form of some of the best work of leading modern novelists.
+All the stories included are copyright and of proved popularity.  The
+type is large and readable, and the neat cloth binding renders the
+volumes worthy of permanent preservation.
+
+
+THE GARDEN OF LIES.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN
+
+The novel with which Mr. Forman attained popularity.  A real romance,
+full of vigour, passion and charm.
+
+
+ANNA, THE ADVENTURESS.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM
+
+Mr. Oppenheim excels himself in this story, which has been the most
+successful of all his novels.
+
+
+RAINBOW ISLAND.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+"Should be hailed with joyous shouts of welcome."--_The Literary World_.
+
+
+THE IMPOSTOR.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+Will live and always rank as its author's most powerful and engrossing
+work.
+
+
+THE MOTHER.
+
+EDEN PHILLPOTTS.
+
+"This is Mr. Phillpotts' best book," said _The Daily Telegraph_.
+
+
+A STUDY IN SCARLET.
+
+(The first book about Sherlock Holmes.)
+
+A. CONAN DOYLE.
+
+"One of the cleverest and best detective stories we have
+seen."--_London Quarterly Review_.
+
+
+A MAKER OF HISTORY.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+Mr. Oppenheim's skill has never been displayed to better advantage.
+
+
+BUCHANAN'S WIFE.
+
+JUSTUS M. FORMAN.
+
+A thoroughly fine book from start to finish.
+
+
+THE PILLAR OF LIGHT.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+A wonderfully fascinating and breathlessly exciting story, told in Mr.
+Tracy's best style.
+
+
+A BID FOR FORTUNE.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+The first and best of all the exciting adventures of Dr. Nikola.
+
+
+THE DAY OF TEMPTATION.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+An enthralling mystery tale.
+
+
+THE BEAUTIFUL WHITE DEVIL.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A more exciting romance no man could reasonably ask for.
+
+
+WHEN I WAS CZAR.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+A really brilliant novel, full of dramatic incident and smart dialogue.
+
+
+THE CRIMSON BLIND.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+One of the most ingeniously conceived detective stories ever written.
+
+
+THE LODESTAR.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+
+A fine and distinguished romance.
+
+
+IN WHITE RAIMENT.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+Absolutely the most puzzling and enthralling of Mr. Le Queux's many
+popular romances.
+
+
+NOT PROVEN.
+
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+
+The finest emotional and entertaining story these authors have written.
+
+
+YOUNG LORD STRANLEIGH.
+
+ROBERT BARR.
+
+"The most amusing and at the same time the most exciting novel of the
+year."--_Manchester Courier_.
+
+
+THE DUST OF CONFLICT.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+Another excellent story of adventure comparable to its Author's great
+success "The Impostor."
+
+
+TWO BAD BLUE EYES.
+
+"RITA."
+
+A delightfully charming and exciting story of strong human interest.
+
+
+MR WINGRAVE, MILLIONAIRE.
+
+E. P. OPPENHEIM.
+
+A rattling good novel of remarkable power and fascination.
+
+
+THE CORNER HOUSE.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+Crammed with sensation and mystery--an excellent romance that will be
+eagerly read.
+
+
+IN STRANGE COMPANY.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A capital novel of the sensational-adventurous order.
+
+
+THE SPORTING CHANCE.
+
+A. AND C. ASKEW.
+
+A bright and alluring story that is well worth reading.
+
+
+THE GOLD WOLF.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+
+Throbbing with interest and excitement from start to finish.
+
+
+THE SECRET.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+"One of the most engrossing stories we have read."--_Daily Telegraph_.
+
+
+A DAMAGED REPUTATION.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+"Once more we repeat that Mr. Bindloss has stepped into the shoes of
+the late Seton Merriman."--_Daily Mail_.
+
+
+THE SOUL OF GOLD.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+
+This story has been acclaimed by _The Daily Telegraph_ as worthy of
+much praise and cleverly worked out.
+
+
+THE MARRIAGE OF ESTHER.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A story full of action, life, and dramatic interest.
+
+
+LADY BARBARITY.
+
+J. C. SNAITH.
+
+"'Lady Barbarity' would cheer a pessimist in a November fog."--_Black
+and White_.
+
+
+BY WIT OF WOMAN.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+The ingenuity of this exciting story positively takes one's breath away.
+
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+THE WHEEL O' FORTUNE.
+
+A bright and breezy adventure story.
+
+
+THE SLAVE OF SILENCE.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+Plot and counterplot, mystery and excitement, sentiment and
+romance--all skilfully blended.
+
+
+DARBY AND JOAN.
+
+"RITA."
+
+One of Rita's most enthralling tales.
+
+
+THE RED CHANCELLOR.
+
+SIR WILLIAM MAGNAY.
+
+A romantic and breathlessly exciting yarn.
+
+
+THE TEMPTRESS.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+A fascinating mystery story of holding interest.
+
+
+PRO PATRIA.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON
+
+Shows Mr. Pemberton at his best.
+
+
+THE FASCINATION OF THE KING.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+Fairly bristles with thrilling passages, exciting adventures, and
+hairbreadth escapes.
+
+
+WILD SHEBA.
+
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+
+Brimful of life and amusement.
+
+
+BY SNARE OF LOVE.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+One of the most rousing romances of modern times.
+
+
+BENEATH HER STATION.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+A powerful and well written story of hardihood, love and adventure.
+
+
+HOPE MY WIFE.
+
+L. G. MOBERLY.
+
+Provides much sentiment and pathos.
+
+
+THE MISSIONER.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+Deeply engrossing as a novel, pure in style, and practically faultless
+as a literary work.
+
+
+THE MESSAGE OF FATE.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+Written in a clear and crisp style, the story abounds with thrilling
+situations, in which love, jealousy, intrigue and mystery play an
+important part.
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS.
+
+J. C. SNAITH.
+
+Pulsing with strong healthy life, and brimming over with incident.
+
+
+TOMMY CARTERET.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+
+Another triumph from the pen of the author of "The Garden of Lies,"
+"Buchanan's Wife," etc.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wayfarers, by J. C. Snaith
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS ***
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wayfarers, by J. C. Snaith
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Wayfarers
+
+Author: J. C. Snaith
+
+Release Date: December 28, 2010 [EBook #34776]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WAYFARERS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Al Haines
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+[Frontispiece: "'It is most strange, madam ... that you should not be
+certain of the name of your husband.'" (Chapter XIII.)]
+
+
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS
+
+
+BY
+
+J. C. SNAITH
+
+
+Author of "Mistress Dorothy Marvin," "Fierceheart, the Soldier," "Lady
+Barbarity," etc
+
+
+
+
+WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED
+
+LONDON, MELBOURNE AND TORONTO
+
+1902
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+CHAP.
+
+     I  THE DEVIL TO PAY
+    II  LADY CYNTHIA CAREW
+   III  INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW
+    IV  WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE
+     V  I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER.
+    VI  CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+   VII  AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE
+        LEARNING IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS
+  VIII  WE GET US TO CHURCH
+    IX  WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR
+     X  WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE
+    XI  I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY
+   XII  I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE
+  XIII  I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME
+   XIV  AMANTIUM IRAE
+    XV  AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS
+   XVI  WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS
+  XVII  WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION
+ XVIII  CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+   XIX  WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER
+    XX  DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES
+   XXI  WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY
+  XXII  THE LAST
+
+
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER I
+
+THE DEVIL TO PAY
+
+When I opened my eyes it was one o'clock in the day.  The cards lay on
+the table in a heap, and on the carpet in a greater one, the dead
+bottles in their midst.  The candles were burnt out; their holders were
+foul with smoke and grease.  As I sat up on the couch on which I had
+thrown myself at nine o clock in the morning in the desperation of
+fatigue, and stretched the sleep out of my limbs and rubbed it out of
+my brain the afternoon strove through the drawn blinds palely.  The
+half-light gave such a sombre and appropriate touch to the profligate
+scene that it would have moved a moralist to a disquisition of five
+pages.  But whatever my errors, that accusation was never urged against
+me, even by my friends.  You may continue in your reading, therefore,
+in no immediate peril.  The ashes were long since grey in the grate;
+there was an intolerable reek of wine-dregs and stale tobacco in the
+air; and the condition of the furniture, stained and broken and tumbled
+in all directions contributed the final disorder to the room.  Indeed
+the only article in it, allowing no exception to myself, that had
+emerged from the orgy of the night without an impediment to its dignity
+was the picture of my grandfather, that pious, learned nobleman,
+hanging above the mantelpiece.  A chip off a corner of his frame might
+be urged even against him; but what was that in comparison with the
+philosophical severity with which he gazed upon the scene?  In the
+grave eyes, the grim mouth, the great nose of his family, he retained
+the contemplative grandeur which had enabled him to give to the world
+in ten ponderous tomes a Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_.
+The space they had occupied on my book-shelf, between the _Newgate
+Calendar_ and the _History of Jonathan Wild the Great_, was now
+unfilled, since these memorials of the great mind of my ancestor had
+lain three weeks with the Jews.
+
+By the time my wits had returned I was able to recall the fact that the
+previous night, whose evidences I now regarded, was the last I should
+enjoy.  It was the extravagant ending to a raffish comedy.  Finis was
+already written in my history.  As I sat yawning on my couch I was a
+thing of the past; I had ceased to be; to-morrow at this hour I should
+be forgotten by the world.  I had had my chin off the bridle for ten
+years, and had used that period to whirl my heels without regard to the
+consequences.  I had played high, drunk deep, paid my court to Venus,
+gained the notoriety of the intrigue and the duel--in fact, I had taken
+every degree in rakishness with the highest honours.  I had spent or
+lost every penny of my patrimony, and fourteen thousand pounds besides;
+I could no longer hold my creditors at bay; various processes were out
+against me; the Jews had my body, as surely as the devil had my soul.
+But it was more particularly a stroke of ill-fortune that had hastened
+on the evil day.  The single hair whereon the sword over my head had
+been suspended must have been severed sooner or later, even had it not
+suddenly snapped at four of the clock of the previous afternoon.  At
+that hour I had killed a cornet of the Blues within a hundred yards of
+the Cocoa Tree, in the presence of my greatest enemy.  Lord knows it
+was in fair fight, marred it is true by a little heat on the side of
+both; but the only witness of the deed, and he an accidental one, was
+Humphrey Waring, my rival and my enemy.  He of all men was best able to
+turn such a misadventure on my part to account.  The moment poor
+Burdock sank sobbing to death in Waring's arms, and he cried with his
+grim laugh, "You will need to run pretty swift, my lord, to prove your
+_alibi_," I knew that fate had reserved for the last the cruellest
+trick of all she had it in her power to play.
+
+Possessed by the knowledge that I must inevitably perish in a rope, or
+less fortunately in a debtor's jail, for the instant the hand of the
+law was laid on my coat, the state of my affairs would never permit it
+to be removed.  I went home and hastily summoned a few choice spirits
+to my lodgings in Jermyn Street that evening; and I spent the last
+night of my freedom in that society, expecting at every cast of the
+cards and every clink of the bottle to hear the boots of the "traps"
+from Bow Street upon the stairs.  Yet all night long they never came,
+and here it was one o'clock in the afternoon, and I still in the
+enjoyment of my liberty.  And now, as I sat in the sanity of daylight,
+refreshed by an excellent sleep, I felt myself still to be my own man.
+Therefore I called to Francois my valet to draw up the window-blinds,
+and to have the goodness to bring me a bottle of wine.
+
+This blackguard of an Irishman bore in baptism the name of Terence, but
+I called him Francois, because one holds that to be as indubitably the
+name of a valet as Dick of an ostler, and Thomas of a clergyman.
+Besides, I have such an hereditary instinct for polite letters, that I
+would as lief have called him after his own honoured patronymic as by
+that of our excellent Flaccus himself.  Francois waded through the
+kings and queens and aces on the carpet, let the daylight in, and then
+withdrew to fetch a clean glass and a bottle of Tokay.
+
+"The last bottle, me lord," says he.
+
+"We drain the last bottle on the last day," says I.  "Can aught be more
+fitting?  _Finis coronal opus_!"
+
+As this was the last time I should take the cup of pleasure to my lips,
+I made the utmost of it; sipped it carefully, turned it over on my
+tongue, held the glass up to the light, meditated on my past a little,
+on my present case, and what lay before me.  I suppose it was a
+particular generous quality of the wine that kindled a new warmth in my
+spirit.  Why, I asked myself, should I sit here, tamely waiting on my
+fate?  Why should I be content to have my person contaminated with the
+dirty hands that would hale it to an ignominious death, or a thing less
+bearable?  Why should I not cheat the Jews and my evil fortune in this
+last hour?  Nothing could be easier than to leave the law in the lurch.
+
+This course was so consonant to the desperation of my temper and
+affairs, that I had no sooner entered on the second glass of this last
+bottle, than I was fully convinced of its propriety.  It was surely
+more fitting that a gentleman should select the hour and the manner of
+his exit from the world, than submit like a common ruffian to the
+dictation of the law in these important matters.  To die by the hand of
+oneself is not the highest sort of death, it is true; but I am one who
+would advance, although the ancient and best writers are against me in
+this matter, that there are occasions when a man may best serve his
+dignity by renouncing that which has ceased to be a cherished object to
+him.  In this, at least, I have Cato the younger with me.
+
+Indeed I had already taken this resolve rather than submit my pride to
+those inconveniences that so depress the spirit, when a third glass of
+wine put me in mind of a thing the most importunate of any.  There was
+a certain lady.  Nothing can be more ludicrous than to consider of a
+ruined gamester broken by Fortune on her wheel, pausing in his last
+extremity for such a reason.  But there it was.  I could have wished to
+see the tears of defiance once again on her cheeks.  In spite of the
+world, in spite of her family, of my evil history, of my cunning,
+plausible enemy, she had given me her proud little heart.  She was the
+one person I might have turned to in this black hour, who would not
+have requited me with a sneer or a cold glance.  Her stern old father
+had no sooner discovered how her affections stood committed towards me,
+and had learned the colour of my reputation, than he had whisked her
+away from town to his seat in the remote west country, and had vowed
+upon his soul to have me ducked in a ditch if I so much as showed my
+nose in those parts.
+
+These thoughts of dear, insolent little Cynthia had induced reflections
+that I could well have done without.  It was plain that this last cast
+of the cards had left the game in the hands of Mr. Humphrey Waring.  He
+had long had the ear of the old duke, Cynthia's father, and no man knew
+better how to push the advantages my misfortunes had given him over me.
+He would marry the greatest heiress in the west country, hate him as
+she might, whilst Jack Tiverton, the worthless rogue on whom she doted,
+or, if it please you better, the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John
+Plowden-Pleydell, fifth Earl of Tiverton, that ill-fated nobleman,
+rotted in durance, or writhed in a rope at Tyburn, or spilt his brains
+on the carpet of his lodgings.  But for all that I had a mind to
+attempt a little more mischief before I perished.  Why not go to poor
+little town-bred Cynthia, immured in the country like a bird in a cage,
+and throw her obstinate old father and her cunning suitor into such a
+fright as they would not be likely to forget?  Indeed, why not?
+
+However, when I came to reflect on this scheme more carefully, I found
+that I had hardly zest enough for it.  My ruin was too complete.
+Besides, it might cost Cynthia dear.  I should have been well pleased
+to look on my pretty young miss once again and watch the tears course
+down her cheeks in the stress of our farewell, for I would have you
+know that I am a man of sentiment when in the humour.  But it would be
+a hollow business and little of a kindness to the child to have her
+weep for such a broken profligate.  I should purchase the discomfort of
+my enemies at too high a price.
+
+Yet I must come to a decision speedily.  Every instant I expected to
+hear the law upon the stairs.  Should I spare it any further trouble
+there and then, or make an attempt to break out of town and lead it a
+dance across the country?  The drawback in the first course was its
+somewhat arbitrary nature.  It was so final and so certain that chance
+would have no opportunity.  The drawback to the second was that I had
+not a guinea in the world.  That morning I had staked my last and lost
+it.  However, as I weighed the pros and cons with a whimsical
+deliberation I was taken with a fortunate expedient.  Chance had been
+the ruling passion of my life.  It had brought me to this pass.  Why
+should I not employ it to solve this problem?  I summoned M. Francois.
+
+"Take two pistols," I said, "into the next chamber, but load one only.
+Cock them both, however, but use particular care that nothing shall
+suggest which is charged and which is not.  Then bring them here and
+lay them side by side upon this table, still remembering not to betray
+the fatal one."
+
+M. Francois bowed, and solemnly carried away the weapons from the
+sideboard.  I awaited his return with an emotion akin to pleasure.  I
+had tasted most of the delights that chance could afford me; but even
+I, who had staked houses, lands, servants, furniture, and every guinea
+of my fortune, had not yet gambled with my life.  Thus, when I came to
+play the greatest stake that is in the power of any man to play, it was
+but fitting that I should enjoy some little exhilaration in that act.
+
+M. Francois returned in rather more than two minutes with the pistols,
+and set them on the table on the top of the cards.  They were both
+cocked, and it was impossible to distinguish one from the other.  M.
+Francis coughed in his well-bred manner, and then sighed deeply.
+
+"I beg your pardon, my lord," he said, at the verge of tears, "and I am
+sure your lordship will overlook the liberty on an occasion--on an
+occasion that is not likely to occur again.  But may I say, my lord,
+with what deep regret I take farewell of your lordship?  I am sure
+there could not have been a better, kinder master."
+
+"Francois, I subscribe heartily to that," says I, "and I am sure there
+could not have been a bigger blackguard of a servant.  And may I say,
+Francois, that I never took a deeper pleasure in anything than in
+parting with you; and I may even add that if a minute hence I am called
+elsewhere, I go with the less irresolution, because I am firm in the
+opinion that wherever it may be, I cannot be worse served than I have
+been at your hands."
+
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says Francois humbly.
+
+"No thanks, I beg," says I.  "But, Francois, if chance, who hath served
+me nearly as ill as you have and for a rather longer period, sees fit
+to arrange that I shall perish by my own hand, I do not doubt that you
+will desire some small memento, some small souvenir of so fortunate an
+occasion."
+
+"Your lordship is more than kind," says Francois, more humbly than
+before.
+
+"You overwhelm me, Francois," says I.  "If there is any little
+knick-knack your fancy turns to, you have only to mention it.  The Jews
+will but claim it otherwise, and I would almost as lief it fell into
+your hands as into theirs."
+
+"As your lordship so emboldens me," says M. Francois, "I should most
+greatly cherish the picture of your grandfather, that wise good
+nobleman, that hangs above the mantelpiece, for I am sure I could
+devise no more fitting memorial of his grandson."
+
+"Francois," says I, "would I did not know you for a rogue, for the
+chastity of your taste does you so much honour it honours me.  But
+would you bereave me of the last badge of my respectability?  Friends,
+fortune, estate, the consideration of the world, all are gone, and you
+would now deny me the solace of my heritage.  Yet I commend your wisdom
+even here, since if you rob others as you have robbed myself, you will
+presently be able to purchase half the kingdom of Ireland, and set up
+among the landed gentry.  You will then, I doubt not, find an ancestor
+or two come not amiss.  And if of my grandfather's pattern so much the
+better, for their virtue will purchase you more credit than any of your
+own.  But I would recommend myself that you took a few ancestors over
+with the property.  They would cost less in a lump.  Besides, they tell
+me they are cheaper in Ireland than anywhere else, except France, where
+they are even more common than matrimony."
+
+M.  Francois was gathering himself to make a proper reply to this
+harangue, when suddenly we both heard the long-expected footfalls on
+the stairs.
+
+"Secure that door," said I.  "I will not be taken until chance hath
+arbitrated on my destination."
+
+Saying this, without the hesitation of an instant I picked up one of
+the pistols lying side by side among the cards.  Francois slipped to
+the door and turned the key.  Then he went to the mantelpiece, took
+down the picture, and placed it under his arm.
+
+"Farewell, my lord," he said, "I leave you with inexpressible regret."
+
+He ran to the window, cast it open, and with the most astonishing skill
+and agility, squeezed himself through the opening, my grandfather and
+all; and the roof being well within his reach, he first laid the
+picture on the tiles, then drew himself up after it, and showed the
+cleanest pair of heels to the law as ever I saw.  And I was so taken
+with the ready wit and contrivance of the rogue, that although I had
+the cocked pistol pressed to my temple, I could not pull the trigger
+for the life of me.  For I stood all a-shake with very laughter, so
+that the cold muzzle of the weapon tapped now against my forehead, now
+against my nose, now against my cheekbone, till I vow it was a miracle
+the hammer did not descend.  But in the middle of all this the door was
+tried and shaken, followed by a fierce tap on the panel, and then came
+the clear tones of a woman.
+
+"Open--open the door.  Jack, it is I!"
+
+At the sound of that voice the pistol fell from my hands altogether.
+Striking the carpet with a thud, it exploded under my feet and knocked
+a great hole in the wainscot.  For an instant the room was full of
+smoke, gunpowder, and a mighty noise; but the moment I recovered my
+courage I unfastened the door and confronted the cause of it--Cynthia
+Carew!  She too was the victim of a not unnatural bewilderment, and as
+pale as linen.
+
+"Ods sputterkins!" she cried.  "What a taking you have put me in!  I am
+all of a twitter.  Whose brains have you spilt?  Not your own, I'll
+warrant me, for you never had any.  Give me a kiss now, and get me some
+ratafia to compose me, and we'll let it pass."
+
+"Cynthia," I gasped, but giving her the first of these requisites, "how
+came you here, in heaven's name?
+
+"Ratafia!" she cried, "ratafia, or I perish."
+
+"There's never a drop in the place," says I.  "No, nor cherry-brandy,
+nor aromatic vinegar neither."
+
+"Another kiss then," says Cynthia, pressing her white cheek against me,
+and casting her arms about my neck.
+
+I led her within and set her down on the couch.  She bore all the
+evidences of having made a long journey.  So far from being dressed in
+the modishness that was wont to charm St. James's Park, she was covered
+by a long, dun-coloured cloak, wore a country hat, if I'm a judge of
+'em, in which the feathers were crumpled; her shoes were muddy, and she
+carried a strange look of fear and uneasiness that I had never seen
+about her before.  I procured a clean glass and filled it with wine
+from the last bottle and made her drain it, for she looked so pale and
+overborne.
+
+"Now," says I, "how came you here? and what brings you?"
+
+"Oh, Jack," says she, "I am run away."  She suddenly broke forth into a
+flood of tears.
+
+"The devil you are!" says I.
+
+"Yes," says she, sobbing as though her heart would break, "and I'm not
+sorry neither."
+
+"You wouldn't confess it an you were," says I.
+
+"No, I wouldn't," she sobbed.
+
+I must admit that the sight of the sweet chit was the one thing in all
+the world that had the power to please me at that hour, yet there was
+not a thing that could have happened to leave me in so sore a case.
+Here had my prettiness come and thrown herself on my protection--on the
+protection of a man utterly ruined, whom the law was already dogging
+for his liberty, if not his life.  In sooth I must send her back again.
+It was no sort of a reception, especially when one fell to consider the
+heroical fashion of her coming to me.  But what else was one to do?  I
+was at my last gasp, without so much as a guinea, or a roof for my
+head, since to stay in that house was to court arrest, nor had I a
+friend in the world to whom I would dare to recommend her.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I dote upon the sight of you; I am filled with joy
+to see you sitting there, but--but----"
+
+How could I tell the child!
+
+"But--but?"  She sobbed no more.  Mopping her tears, she crumpled the
+sopping handkerchief in her little fist, sat perfectly upright in her
+seat, and stared so straight at me that I felt the blood hum in my ears.
+
+"But--but!" says I again--devil take me if I could tell her.
+
+"But--but?" says she on her part; and it was wonderful to see her blue
+eyes come open and her proud lips spring together like the snap of a
+watch-case.
+
+"Well, Cynthia, dear, it is simply this," says I, going headlong into
+it.  "You find me a ruined gamester, without a friend or a guinea in
+the world, who even at this moment is being hunted for his debts, and,
+if I dared say it to you, something worse.  Now there is but one way
+out of it.  You cannot stay here; there is not a friend to whom I may
+confide you; child, you must go back to your father."
+
+Instead of growing red, the colour that shone I am sure in my face, she
+grew as pale as snow, and her eyes sparkled with a grim beauty that
+discomposed me more than it charmed me.  She rose from the couch,
+lifted her chin out of her white throat, and kicked the kings and
+queens and knaves on the carpet in all directions.
+
+"Never," she cried.  "I will not go back to my father.  I said I would
+not marry this Mr. Waring; whereon my lord said he would lock me in my
+room until I was of another mind.  And he did lock me in it; and I
+broke out of it; and I will not go back, no, not if I must subsist on
+crusts picked from the kennel, and the clothes rot off my body, and I
+sleep o' nights in a dry ditch or the porch of a church."
+
+"Faith!" says I, "that's well spoke, monstrous well spoke."
+
+"I hate this Mr. Waring," says the little fury.  "May I be crost in
+love, if I do not."
+
+"And if I do not too," says I, "may my heart smoke in purgatory.  But
+come tell me, is it for himself you hate him, or is it for love of me?"
+
+"A plague take all catechisms," says she.  "But I will tell you for
+another kiss."
+
+I think two persons in love could never have been in a worse plight
+than Cynthia and I.  There seemed no course open to us, other than to
+flee together, we knew not whither.  Before even this could be
+considered, however, we had to find the means.
+
+"What money have you left in your poke?" I asked her.
+
+"Twelvepence exactly and a halfpenny over."
+
+I whistled long and shrill.  "Which is twelve-pence exactly and a
+halfpenny more than there is in mine.  At nine o'clock this morning I
+staked my all, including three periwigs, nine pairs of silk breeches,
+stockings, five cambric brocaded waistcoats, silver-buckled shoes,
+sword, duelling pistols, house and furniture, the Odes of Horace, and
+my man-cook--staked 'em on the queen of hearts and lost 'em.  Think on
+it, my pretty--lost 'em on the queen of hearts."
+
+"I care not for that," says Cynthia.  "I will not go back, and so you
+must make the best of me."
+
+"But, child, what can I do when I'm taken?"
+
+"You must not be taken."
+
+"In that case," says I, "the only chance we have is to get away from
+here at once, furnished with the clothes we stand in, and the sum of
+twelve-pence halfpenny."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER II
+
+LADY CYNTHIA CAREW
+
+Having come to this odd resolve, it behoved us to lose no time.  But
+whither we should go, neither of us knew.  North, south, east, or west,
+one latitude was as good as another.  We should be equally served in
+each.  As for the means at our disposal, we had the sum of twelve-pence
+halfpenny sterling.  I am sure that much the same thoughts were
+uppermost in the minds of us both, for the moment I looked at little
+Cynthia sitting on the couch with a tight mouth and ratter quizzical
+eyes, I broke forth into a shout of laughter, which she returned so
+promptly that it became a question as to whom the honour of the first
+peal belonged.
+
+In the midst of this pleasantry I walked to the door of the room and
+locked it again.  I had no mind to be taken unawares by the enemy; and
+provided I was not, Francois' example had shown that a way of escape
+was always open.
+
+"Now, my dear," says I, "we have no time to lose; let us be putting our
+few affairs in order.  Look round this despoiled chamber, and tell me
+if you observe any article in it that could be turned into money at a
+pawnshop, or is likely otherwise to serve us on our journey.  I am
+sorry to say that every object of _vertu_ that I ever possessed upon
+which we might at a pinch have raised a seven-shilling piece has
+already been called upon to perform that office.  There is one
+exception even to these, it is true, but that cannot help us now, and I
+rejoice to think so.  For five minutes before your arrival I gave away
+to a connoisseur, a dilettante, a lover of the beautiful, Sir Godfrey
+Kneller's picture of my famous grandfather.  I think I could never have
+held up my head again had I given up that eminent nobleman to the
+ignoble usages I have suggested.  I foresaw this calamity; let me take
+the credit therefore of its aversion."
+
+"You gave it away without receiving a farthing for it!" cries Cynthia
+aghast.  "Oh, what a folly, Jack!  Had we it now we could make thirty
+shillings of it at any dealer's."
+
+"I know, I know!" says I triumphantly, "I grant that; therefore do you
+not more clearly see how finely I have acted by my grandfather?"
+
+"Burn me if I do," says Cynthia.  "Jack, what a fool thou art!  For I
+see never a thing of value left in the place; or stay, we might put
+that pair of old iron pistols in a case and raise a loaf of bread on
+them.  I suppose that on the floor is the one with which you tried to
+take your life, and as the one other's cocked, I suppose that's loaded
+too."
+
+"Tried to take my life," says I.  "Cynthia, what words are these?"
+
+"A truce to dissimulation, if you please," says Cynthia tartly, "for
+feather-headed fellow that you are, yet do no better at it than any of
+the other arts and sciences at which you have tried and failed."
+
+I turned to the table and began sorting a handful of cards to cover my
+confusion.  A clever woman is the devil!  Cynthia, to add a sting to
+her speech, picked up the discharged pistol from the carpet,
+ostentatiously searched for its case, and put it in.  She then took up
+the other.
+
+"Is this loaded, or is it not?" she asked.
+
+"No, it's not loaded," says I.  "Pull down the trigger and put it in
+too."
+
+"Then, if it's not loaded, why was it cocked?"  The question was
+decidedly disconcerting.  I was by no means willing to go into the
+details of that matter, and therefore hesitated to find a reason.
+
+"You don't know whether it's loaded or not," says Cynthia, sternly.
+
+"Most certainly I do.  Have I not said that it is not loaded?"
+
+"And have I not said," says the impudent Cynthia, "that you don't know
+whether it's loaded or not?"
+
+"But, my dear child," says I, "have I not positively said that the
+thing's not loaded?"
+
+"Oh yes, I admit that," says the provoking creature.  "But you must
+admit too, sir, that I have more faith in my own judgment than I have
+in yours.  I say again that you don't know whether that pistol is
+loaded or whether it is not."
+
+"I'll lay you two to one in hundreds that I do," says I hotly.
+
+"Would not a case of iron pistols against the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny be more appropriate in the circumstances?" says Cynthia.
+
+"I believe you are right there," says I.
+
+Cynthia then presented the pistol at the wall and a strange thing
+happened.  The room was filled with a reverberating crash, and when the
+smoke that arose had lifted a little it was discovered that a large
+mirror had been shivered into a thousand pieces.
+
+"There," says Cynthia triumphantly.
+
+As for me, I stood aghast for a moment, perfectly at a loss to explain
+the pistol's strange behaviour.  Then I suddenly broke out into a fit
+of uncontrollable laughter; the admirable Francois had loaded them both.
+
+It was then the turn of Cynthia to stand aghast.
+
+"I hope your misfortunes have not deprived you of your reason," says
+she, more tartly than ever; and added, "I knew all along that you
+didn't know whether it was loaded or not."
+
+"Come, come!" says I, keenly anxious, you may be sure, to change the
+topic.  "We have already tarried here over-long.  I will tell you the
+whole story in a more convenient place and season.  If we don't go at
+once, I am afraid we shall not go at all."
+
+"True," says Cynthia, seating herself again on the couch with the most
+deliberate and provoking coolness.
+
+"What new whimsey is this?" says I, utterly nonplussed.
+
+"I think, my Lord Tiverton," says Cynthia, with remarkable gravity,
+"that you have overlooked an important particular."
+
+"Which?  What?" says I.
+
+"Nay, my lord," says she, "I am the last person in the world to remind
+you."
+
+That might be true enough so far as it went, but the pretty roguish
+chit composed her features and her person into such an affectation of
+solemnity, and there was such a saucy twinkle in her eyes too, that all
+the words in the English tongue could not have spoken more plainly than
+she did without uttering any.  It is, I suppose, one of the highest
+gifts of her sex, though to be sure, would it were exercised more!
+
+"Dammy," says I, "you mean--er--er; you mean that I must ask you to
+marry me."
+
+Instead of replying at once, she bent down and picked up half-a-dozen
+cards from the floor, arranged them in the shape of a fan, and held
+them in front of her eyes.
+
+"La," says she, "your lordship is too kind.  Pray ascribe my blushes to
+my country breeding."
+
+"Pah!" says I, "we have not the time for play-acting now.  The moment
+is very ill-chosen."
+
+"Oh, I grant you that," says she, "but as you will allow that it was
+none of my choosing, why should I forego the peculiar privileges that
+my sex have ever derived from this position?  No, as I'm a woman, I
+will have this thing carried through in the most proper and approved
+manner.  Ods lud, sir! what notions have you got!  I will be coy if I
+choose, or haughty, or easy, or gracious, or mocking, or disdainful,
+just as my mood is and as I've a mind to be.  Now then, my lord, down
+on to your noble knees, and pour forth your foolish speeches that are
+meant to be so grand, which you must forget in the middle, whereon you
+will descend out of a rather turgid poetry into a bald and somewhat
+blasphemous prose.  For I will have your lordship to know that I will
+be wooed as a woman, else I will not be wooed at all.  Down, down on to
+your knees, my lord, and up, up with your apostrophes."
+
+"What a consummate folly is this," says I, "when at any moment we may
+be ta'en."
+
+But the pretty little fool sat as demure as a mouse, not relaxing a lip
+or twitching an eyebrow, i' faith as adorable a picture of a person as
+any I've seen off a painted canvas.  There was that tantalizing air
+about her which at once invited, yet forbade; that aroused that which
+it denied.  I vow nothing could have been more taking than the sight of
+little Cynthia sitting there as straight as any arrow that ever Cupid
+shot, her knees and heels together, and her hands spread out with the
+palms turned down, and her dainty toes peeping from underneath her
+petticoat.  Indeed, so was I worked on by her graces and airs that I
+was like to forget the grim pass in which we were involved.  Nay, I
+gradually began to solicit her in a formal manner; a piece of behaviour
+that contributed as much to her whimsical pleasure as it did to my
+embarrassment.  And when in accents of undying regard, I came to ask
+for her hand in exchange for my heart and fortune, she was so charmed
+with the natural fervour with which I did it, that she stopped me
+imperiously, in the middle of much passion, and says: "I would have
+your lordship go over again that splendid passage that you have just
+uttered, that hath the fine swearing and the great humility in it.  I
+never heard anything choicer; Mr. Betterton never surpassed it."
+
+And when I had humoured her as much as she wished and that was not
+until I was thirsty and hot, and she was somewhat weary of keeping the
+strict attitude that she thought best suited to receive my addresses
+in, says she: "I declare, sir, you have pleased me vastly.  You are as
+good a suitor as any of them all.  Mr. Waring never wooed me half so
+well.  As for Mr. Stokes, and Colonel Regan, and Sir John Dufty, and my
+lord Viscount Brighouse, you compare very well with them too.  You have
+not the fine brawny pease-and-bacon appearance of Sir John, it is true,
+nor is your voice so rich and noble as the Colonel's, begorra, nor is
+your nose so well curved as Mr. Stoke's, nor have you a pretty little
+lisp like my lord Viscount, but in the sum-total of your attributes you
+do very fairly well.  And therefore as your lordship's fortune is so
+considerable, and you have already gained the approbation of my father,
+I think the only course open to me--Oh, Jack, listen!  What in the name
+of heaven is that?"
+
+"You may well ask," says I.  "One, two, three, four, five probably or
+more, according to their boots on the stairs, gentlemen from Bow Street
+come to wait upon us."
+
+"Oh, what shall we do!" says poor Cynthia, clapping her hands.
+
+"Keep very calm, child, and carefully heed what I say.  They will not
+molest you; I am their game.  But I doubt gravely whether I shall fall
+to them at present.  My way lies through that window and along the
+tiles, and whilst they follow, you will simply go downstairs and walk
+out at the front door.  Go as swiftly as you can down to Piccadilly to
+the gates of Hyde Park.  And if I am not already come there before you,
+wait till I arrive.  It is to be considered, of course, that I may have
+more difficulty than I apprehend in slipping these fellows."
+
+Here the door was roughly taken and the next instant so heavy a blow
+was delivered against it as partly drove in one of the panels.  I had
+just time to run into the adjoining chamber for a hat and a
+riding-cloak, to plant a kiss between brave little Cynthia's brows, and
+abjure her not to be afraid, when the door was driven in, and three or
+four ugly wretches came tumbling one upon another pell-mell into the
+room.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER III
+
+INTRODUCES A MERITORIOUS HEBREW
+
+I had hardly time to open the window ere they were recovered of their
+entry and on their feet.  Seeing what I was about to attempt they made
+a rush, but I did not bear youth and vigour in my limbs for nothing.
+With a quickness that I'll warrant would have done no discredit to a
+cat, I had poised myself on the precarious sill, and had twisted myself
+into a favourable position for reaching the roof.  It was easily in
+reach, as this chamber very happily was at the top of the house.  I had
+barely taken a firm hold on the iron gutter that ran along the edge of
+the tiles, before I had drawn up one knee, and was in the act of
+dragging up the other as fast as I could, when it was seized by a hand
+from the room below.  Luckily for me, I had a firm enough hold of the
+roof to get some little purchase for my imprisoned leg, whereby I was
+enabled to deal my adversary a pretty smart kick in the teeth, which
+sent him cursing back into the room.  Thereupon I scrambled
+willy-nilly, hands and knees, on to the tiles.  Not one moment too
+soon, however.  My pursuers evidently numbered fleet and active fellows
+among them.  Their blood was up too.  For scarcely had I gone ten yards
+along the edge of the tiles, moving on all-fours for safety, ere
+another fellow was also in possession of the roof.  This was not at all
+to my liking, and a good deal outside my calculations, since I had not
+expected that these clumsy Bow Street runners would attempt to follow
+me in this fashion.
+
+My pursuer gave a view-halloa and followed me so fast that I realized
+at once that at this game Jack was like to be as good as his master.
+Perchance the fellow was better schooled in this mode of procedure than
+I, for he was clattering behind me, preparing to grab my heels before I
+could take my bearings.  I did not know where I was, and had not the
+least idea as to how I should get away.  But one thing was plain.  I
+had embarked on so bold a course that the moment there was a limit to
+my daring all would be lost.  Therefore, hearing the Bow Street
+gentleman wheezing and grunting a yard or two behind me, I stopped and
+rose to my feet, and turned round so suddenly as considerably to
+endanger my own safety and to take him entirely unawares.  And I sent
+my fist such a crack in his eye, that only a miracle saved him from
+toppling over the parapet into the middle of Jermyn Street, twenty feet
+beneath.
+
+While Mr. Catchpole sprawled and wallowed with his arms and legs
+outstretched striving to save himself from falling over the brink, and
+howling to his mates, whose heads were just showing above the gutter,
+to come to his assistance, I took the occasion to alter my tactics.
+Instead of crawling along the edge, I began climbing up in a vertical
+direction.  And my pursuer being but a runner from Bow Street after
+all, had been considerably cooled in his zeal, and accordingly allowed
+me rather more of elbow room, whilst his companions, of whom two more
+had now come upon the top, observing the nature of his accident, were
+in no such hurry as he had been to come by one themselves.
+
+I mounted painfully enough as high as the chimney pots, not without
+some damage to the skin of my hands and knees, and a good deal of
+slipping and sliding.  A game of hide-and-seek followed.  Reaching the
+opposite slope of the roofs, which concealed me and put me farthest
+away from the enemy, I crept as swiftly as I could from chimney-stack
+to chimney-stack with ever a keen eye for a means of getting down again
+into the street.  Some yards ahead I saw that the straight line of the
+tiles was broken by a dormer window.  I made to this for here was the
+very chance that I desired.  Alas! when I reached it I found it secured
+from within.  I had no time in which to break a pane of glass in the
+hope that I might put my hand through and discover the fastenings.  A
+couple of the traps had already found out in which direction I had
+gone, and were even now standing on the apex, and beckoning to the
+others.  I moved away to another dormer window a few yards further on.
+It too was fast, but looking ahead I saw, greatly to my relief, that a
+third was standing open.  My satisfaction had a short life, however.
+For scarcely had I made two yards towards it ere I observed a thing
+that in my haste I had overlooked.  The line of the houses ended
+abruptly; the open window belonged to another row.  Between ran an
+alley or a narrow street, wide enough to make me pause in my career.
+Hard pressed as I was, I must confess that I had no fancy to attempt a
+leap so precarious.  I turned to go back, but the enemy had followed so
+smartly on my heels that I saw in a glance that there was no chance of
+retreating by the way I had come.  My only hope lay in a forward
+direction; I could not possibly retire.  Nor must I hesitate an instant
+either.  The closer I came to this gulf in the houses the more
+desperate it looked, but my resolve was already taken.  A drowning man
+clutches at a straw.
+
+Impeded as I was with a cumbersome riding-coat, I could not hope to
+make the leap successfully.  Hastily pulling it off, therefore, I
+folded it up in some rude fashion, for I could not afford to lose it,
+and pitched it over a space between the houses.  It landed in safety
+well over the immediate brink.  The traps, apprehending the nature of
+the feat I was about to attempt, were coming along the roof with
+wonderful expedition.  Indeed, they are almost within an arm's-length
+of me when I started on the run to make the leap.  With teeth set, and
+it must be confessed some little sickness of anticipation in my spirit,
+I ran as hard as I could, and hurled myself into the air with a
+despairing energy.  That I covered the gulf and landed with my knees on
+the coat I had cast across, I have always ascribed to that benevolent
+Providence that hath such a jealous regard for the worthless.  And in
+sooth when I had actually arrived there it was one of the greatest
+wonders in the world that I did not fall back again in the recoil, or
+did not begin to roll sideways and so tumble over the lower edge.  But
+somehow I recovered my balance before either of these calamities
+happened.  Then I felt that I might breathe again.
+
+There was precious little to fear that the men from Bow Street would be
+bold enough to follow me.  For when I came to contemplate, now as you
+may believe with no little satisfaction, the magnitude of the hazard
+intervening between us, it cost me a shudder in despite of my
+complacency.  And as in their case it was not a life and death matter
+on which line of the roofs they happened to stand, and they had no
+thoughts of adorable little Cynthia to spur them on to these great
+risks, I think they may be pardoned for giving back before that which I
+with so many sweats and misgivings had accomplished.  Nor do I lay any
+unction to myself, since I am sure that had I stood in their shoes, or
+had I played for a lesser stake, I would have had none of such risks
+either.  Nay, I am not altogether clear in my mind that had I not been
+heated by the fine excitements of the hue and cry I should have been
+wrought up to do it as it was.  There can be little doubt, I think,
+that the chase makes a much nobler and more adventurous creature of the
+fox than ever consists with his vulgar and common character.
+
+Seeing my pursuers had halted on the opposite brink, and were
+presenting such a helpless and bewildered appearance as plainly showed
+they had no stomach for a similar deed, I was able to resume my riding
+coat at my ease, and even to engage in a few words of conversation as I
+did so.  Says I:
+
+"Certainly, gentlemen, I think you are well advised in not seeking to
+come over.  'Pon my soul I would not have come over myself had you not
+pressed me so hard!  Here is a guinea to drink my health, and now I
+will wish you good afternoon!"
+
+Such is the power of habit that I fumbled in several pockets in search
+of a gold piece to toss them, ere I recollected the bankrupt condition
+in which I stood.  Perforce I had to be content with a bow and a
+lifting of the hat, whereupon I went my way along the roof while they
+were left at the end of their wits to discover a means by which they
+might circumvent me.
+
+I had not an instant of time to lose, however, if I was to make good my
+escape.  There were doubtless persons in the street below who had had a
+keen eye for these proceedings.  No sooner would they see in which
+direction the cat was to jump than they would act accordingly.
+Therefore it behoved me to be as bold and as quick as ever.  The open
+dormer window offered the readiest mode of egress.  I made to it at
+once, and peering within saw that the chamber, a bedroom, was very
+happily empty.  I had no difficulty in squeezing my body through the
+narrow opening and so came into the room.  Having done this, I securely
+fastened the window to present a further obstacle to my enemies.  The
+great thing that lay before me now was to make my way downstairs as
+cautiously as I could, and to slip out of the house without attracting
+the attention of its occupants, or of those of my foes who might be
+lurking about in the street.  But much address was required to perform
+all this successfully, as you will readily understand.
+
+First I opened the door of the bed-chamber with noiseless care, and
+then groped my way through the gloom and strangeness of the place to
+the stairs.  And mighty rickety and full of noises they were when I
+found them.  They began so sheer and abruptly, and so close to the
+bed-room door, that in spite of my caution, I was on them long ere I
+thought I was, and as a consequence nearly pitched headlong down their
+whole length.  Mercifully I recovered my balance in the nick of time,
+but not before, as it seemed to my nervous ears, I had set up an
+intolerable clatter that appeared to echo and re-echo through every
+room of the house.  Step by step, I crept down the stairs, and paused
+to listen on every one.  It was so dark that I had to be very tenacious
+of the walls.  But fortune was still on my side.  There seemed not a
+soul in all the house, nor could I hear a sound.  Yet every step I
+descended the place grew darker and darker; there was not so much as a
+glimmer of light from a door or a window to be discerned; while the
+walls were so close about me that when I stretched out my hands I could
+feel them on either side.  Presently I ceased to descend, whereon much
+shuffling of my feet ensued, and I concluded that this was some kind of
+a landing.  More shuffling and gingerly manoeuvring followed, and then
+the stairs began again, and the place grew darker than ever.  The
+darkness became so great that I could not see my hand before my face;
+and as I had not the means about me to procure a light, nor would have
+dared to employ them had they been in my possession, I began to marvel
+where in the world I was coming to.
+
+At last the stairs ended altogether, and on pushing carefully forward,
+my nose suddenly came against an unexpected obstacle.  Running my hands
+over it, I judged it to be a door.  I put my ear to the wood, but
+listen as I might I could hear no sound.  Whither it led or what lay
+behind it I had not the vaguest notion, nor was there a speck of light
+by which I might make a guess.  But when the handle of the door came
+into my fist, I decided not to flinch the situation whatever it might
+present.  A bold course had been my salvation hitherto; come what might
+I would continue in it.  Therefore, I cautiously turned the handle, and
+opened the door an inch at a time, I daresay I had got it about five
+inches apart when it was rudely grasped from the other side, and flung
+wide open in my face.  A Jew stood before me, as true a child of Israel
+as ever I set eyes on.  He cast up his hands and gurgled in his anger
+and surprise.
+
+"Why, what the deffil!" says he at last.
+
+"How do you do, sir," says I, cordially holding out my hand.  "Proud to
+meet you, sir, infernally proud to meet you."
+
+Although I had hoped that my air and tone were the very pattern of
+affability, I doubt if this Hebrew thought them so; or even if he did,
+he hardly seemed to think they became me in the circumstances as
+handsomely as I had hoped they would.  For he gurgled and cackled, his
+tawny countenance grew redder and redder, his hands trembled, and he
+contorted his body into a truly fantastic shape.  Meantime I gazed past
+him to see whence he had emerged, in the hope that I might get some
+clue as to what would be the best line of conduct to adopt.  To my
+infinite pleasure I saw that I had come upon the threshold of a
+pawnbroker's shop, since a truly miscellaneous collection of articles
+lay scattered about it, whilst the character and nation of my
+inquisitor alone warranted the theory.  Yet in an instant was my
+satisfaction turned to anger, for there, staring into my very eyes with
+all the meditative grandeur he had of yore, was that learned nobleman,
+my grandfather.  It was well for M. Francois that he was not at that
+moment within my reach.
+
+"What do you do here?" says the Jew, having discovered his tongue at
+last.  "Do you think I do not know?  You haf come to rob my house.
+Benjamin, bring your blunderbush.  In broad daylight, too.  O heaven,
+what effrontery!"
+
+"My dear Mr. Moses," says I winningly, "what words are these?
+Effrontery--rob your house; to conceive that I, the best friend your
+tribe ever had or for that matter ever will have, should be thus
+accosted by you!  I am here as a client, sir; and to conceive that you
+of all men should deny a client when he takes these monstrous pains to
+come to you in privacy!"
+
+Mr. Moses was a good deal reassured by my address.  But after all his
+race are a good deal too tenacious to be put off so lightly.  He
+demanded to know in what manner I had come there and he did it so
+boisterously too, and in a fashion so calculated to attract the
+attention of persons in the street that I judged it wisest to make a
+clean breast of how matters stood with me.
+
+"Well, Mr. Moses," says I, "if you must know I am that great benefactor
+of your tribe, Lord Tiverton.  My lodgings are about six doors up the
+street, and they have been visited this afternoon by the dirtiest set
+of minions from Bow Street as ever I saw.  And so hard was I put to it
+to clear them that I took to the housetops, whereupon, seeing your
+dormer window open, I gave them the slip by climbing into it, and here
+I am.  And mark you, my dear Mr. Moses, I would not so honour the
+dormer windows of all and sundry, no, rabbit me an I would.  For I am
+mighty particular as to whose hands I would accept an obligation from.
+But if a friend cannot take a benefaction from a friend, then who in
+all the world is one to take it from?  As Flaccus himself has said."
+
+Mr. Moses, you may be sure, was mollified indeed.
+
+"I am sure I beg your lordship's pardon," says he.  "A thousand times
+most humbly I am sure I do.  Benjamin, put by your blunderbush; and
+withdraw the curtains across the window, sirrah, for I have seen the
+traps walking up and down the street, and peering here and there and
+everywhere this last ten minutes; yes, that I have.  Is there any
+particular in which I can serve your lordship?"
+
+"Yes, by thunder, that you can!" says I.  "I must get away from here
+unknown as quickly as you might count ten.  The traps are still about
+in the street you say?"
+
+"See, my lord, there is one going past the window now."
+
+As he spoke I took the precaution of drawing farther back into the
+shadow of the stairs, for it was even as he said.  The next instant Mr.
+Moses pushed the door to in my face, and as he did so, wheeled round to
+confront (as I guessed) two or three of the traps who were coming into
+the shop.
+
+"A sheeny, by the Lord!" I heard one say, in a voice so coarse that it
+set my teeth on edge.
+
+"What is your pleasure, good gentlemans?" says Mr. Moses in a tone of
+incredible politeness.  "If I, a poor old clo'es-dealer as I am, can be
+of service to you, I cannot tell you how happy you will make me."
+
+"Well, ole Father Abraham," says the foremost man, "we're on the 'eels
+of a hearl, d'ye see.  We've been a-chasing of him on the 'ouse-tops,
+we have so, and he's just a-been a-squeedgin' of himself through your
+dormer window, and he's left us in the lurch, d'ye see.  He's in your
+bed-room, you can wager, and we're a-going up to rout him out."
+
+"Is he so?" says Mr. Moses.  "God-a-mercy! is it possible?  Benjamin,
+get your blunderbush, and go and bring him down."
+
+I was so charmed with the comedy that was being played, that at some
+little risk I had opened just a small crevice in the door, in order
+that I might peer through upon the actors.  Benjamin, a youth about as
+tall as the counter, but wonderfully keen and sharp of feature, put
+himself in possession of an antiquated fire-arm, probably the most
+obsolete weapon ever handed down from early times.
+
+"Be damned to Benjamin," says the man from Bow Street, "and be damned
+to his blunderbush; we're a-going up to look ourselves."
+
+"And wherefore, gentlemans," says Moses in a tone like silk, it was so
+soft, "should Benjamin and his blunderbush be damned?  Benjamin is a
+good boy, and his blunderbush is a good weapon.  If this earl is in my
+chamber, depend upon it one or the other shall bring him down."
+
+"No; we'll go up ourselves, ole Shylock," says the other, "for this
+hearl is so full of hell, that as likely as not he'd beat Benjamin to
+death with his own blunderbush, crikey-likey! he would so."
+
+"Nay, that he would not," says Mr. Moses, "for Benjamin would blow the
+heart out of him, if he but advanced one step upon him."
+
+Mr. Moses was evidently a master of fence, and determined as my enemies
+might show themselves, they could make nothing of his subtle, cringing
+ways.  They might have excellent reasons for overhauling the house, and
+going upstairs, as indeed they had, yet they had not the wit to enforce
+them.  For every additional argument he had a new excuse to advance,
+which at least if it contributed nothing whatever to the case in point,
+yet served to obscure the issue and to distract and confound those
+concerned in it.  It was truly remarkable how he managed to lure and
+cheat them with the most specious words that could mean nothing
+whatever; and yet at the same time, and therein lay his art, they
+listened to him and never once seemed to doubt his sincerity.  And it
+seemed too that this cunning Hebrew had something of a trump card to
+play, and this he had reserved for the last.
+
+"An earl did ye say, sirs?" says he, with a vast air of reflection.
+"It could not have been by any chance the Earl of Tiverton?"
+
+"Yes, by thunder," they cried together, "the man himself."
+
+"Well now, I call that whimsical," says he, "seeing as how I see his
+lordship running at the top of his legs past this window not five
+minutes before you came here."
+
+"You did that," says one of my enemies, "then why in thunder couldn't
+you say so before, instead o' keepin' us argle-hargling here, you piece
+o' pork, you hedge-pig!"
+
+With a stream of oaths and vituperation they tumbled out into the
+street, whilst Mr. Moses, with his hands outspread and a cringing,
+shrugging, smiling yet deprecating aspect, looked the picture of a
+highly ingenuous bewilderment.  No sooner had they passed away in the
+hot pursuit of some phantom of myself, than Mr. Moses opened the door
+he had pushed so lately upon me, and informed me that the immediate
+danger was overpast.  He waved away the thanks I offered him, with a
+great deal of politeness, assuring me that he was more than repaid by
+the happiness he took for having been of some slight service to so fine
+a specimen of the nobility as myself.
+
+"But if there is any leetle thing in the way of pizness," says he, "I
+am the man, your lordship."
+
+"Yes, Mr. Moses, I have been thinking of it," says I, and indeed I had.
+"Now you see I am very tolerably attired."  I unbuttoned my riding-coat
+and threw it open to display as elegant a costume as ever I had from
+Tracy.  "Unhappily I have not a guinea in the world"--let me do Mr.
+Moses the justice of recording that in the face of this announcement he
+retained his countenance wonderfully well.--"But I will barter
+breeches, coat, waistcoat, ruffles, stockings, buckled shoes, for a
+plain drab shoddy suit, some common hose, and a pair of hob-nailed
+boots.  By this exchange I think we shall both be gratified; you on
+your side by receiving things of about twelve times the value of what
+you give away; and I on mine by obtaining a tolerable disguise to my
+condition when I start on my itinerary, for I hardly think I should
+recognize myself in such a uniform, whilst as for my mamma, dear
+sainted buckram lady! if at the end of all the journeying that is
+before me I come before the gates of Heaven in it, she will hold a
+bottle of vinegar before her fine-cut nose, and say _c'est un faux
+pas!_ and get me denied the _entree_.  She will ecod! for I would have
+you to know, my dear Mr. Moses, I am of a devilish stiff-backed family.
+Look at my grandfather.  What a majestical old gentleman it is, even as
+in his declining years he takes his ease in his pop-shop, with
+christening mugs and dirty candlesticks about him on the one hand, and
+saving your presence, Mr. Moses, a Jew dealer on the other.  But there,
+my good fellow, we will not talk about it."
+
+Mr. Moses, seeing his advantage in this proposal--indeed he was so
+excellent a fellow that had he not done so, I do not doubt he would
+still have tried to accommodate me--fully entered into this idea, and
+did his best to fish this chaste wardrobe out of the varied contents of
+his shop.  Indeed such hidden stores did it contain, that after the
+contents of divers boxes, and cupboards, and back parlours, and
+mysterious receptacles had been examined, the necessary articles were
+forthcoming, and I was shown into one of the chambers leading from the
+shop, in order to effect this change in my attire.
+
+It would have made you laugh to see the figure I cut--my snuff-coloured
+coat and pantaloons, fitting in most places where they touched, gave me
+such a rustical appearance that an ostler or a tapster became a
+gentleman by the comparison.  The hose was rather better, however, but
+the boots were not only the thickest and clumsiest as ever I saw, but
+were much too big into the bargain.  A hat was also found for me that
+matched very well indeed with this startling change in my condition;
+and a thick, coarse brown cover-all in lieu of the smart riding-coat I
+had set out with.  Mr. Moses certainly had as good a bargain as he
+could have wished, but certainly not a better one than his merits
+deserved; whilst I had come by the most effectual disguise to my
+station, and one well calculated to mislead Sheriff's officers and Bow
+Street runners, for in all my extended experience of the tribe they
+have ever been clumsy fellows, blind of eye and thick of understanding,
+incapable of seeing beyond the noses on their faces.  With mutual
+respect and pleasure, therefore, and many pious hopes for the welfare
+of my grandfather, whom I was moved to say could not have been left in
+more worthy hands, I took my leave of Mr. Moses.  And seeing he was a
+Jew, I must say that he was the best conditioned Jew as ever I met.
+
+I took my way very cautiously on leaving the shop of my friend the
+Hebrew.  At first I kept well in the shadow of the houses and peered
+carefully about.  My enemies, however, appeared to be still away on the
+false scent.  The twilight of the autumn afternoon was gathering in as
+I pursued my way towards little Cynthia.  She was to have met me at the
+gates of Hyde Park nearly an hour ago.  As I turned into Piccadilly
+without meeting with a sign of my enemies, for no reason whatever I was
+suddenly stabbed with the pain of a most bitter speculation.  Suppose
+my little Cynthia was not there to meet me after all!  Suppose I had
+tarried so long that, fearing I was taken, she had gone from the
+rendezvous!  Suppose something unforeseen and mysterious had befallen
+her, as such accidents occasionally do!  In a flash I realized how
+dear, how inexpressibly dear she was to me.  If aught bereft me of her
+now, she, the one friend I had, the one creature who believed in me,
+worthless ruined fellow as I was, the one person who would dare to
+stand at my side and face the sneers and the scorn of the world, life
+would indeed have no savour left in it.  I should neither have the
+heart nor the desire to continue in that which would become a burden
+and a mockery.  And in sooth so did this terrible thought take hold of
+me, that a kind of fatality came upon me.  I began to have a sense of
+foreboding, as they say one may have in a dream; I felt the blood grow
+slow and thin in my limbs; I was taken with a cold shivering; and my
+spirit flagged so low that I would have wagered a kingdom at that
+moment that some dire circumstance had happened to my love, and even
+more particularly to me.
+
+In the very height of this fever of insane fears, I came to the end of
+Piccadilly, and there in the increasing gloom of the evening were the
+gates of Hyde Park.  And there too, like a sentinel on guard, so proud
+and strict she was of outline, was my little Cynthia.  She stood there
+all unconscious of the fact that the simple sight of her was enough in
+itself to reconcile a ruined man to his empty life.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IV
+
+WE START UPON OUR PILGRIMAGE
+
+All the way I had come I had heightened my disguise by mouching along
+with my hat low down over my eyes, the collar of my coat turned up to
+my ears, and my hands stuck deep in my pockets.  And so effectual was
+this mode, that though Cynthia was awaiting me in fear and impatience,
+I had walked right up to her and taken her by the arm ere she knew I
+was so near.
+
+"Oh, Jack," she sobbed, "I--I am so glad.  S--something s--seemed to
+tell me that you would never return.  I was certain you were ta'en, and
+that I should never see you again, except between the iron bars of a
+prison."
+
+I kissed her.
+
+"Foolish child," says I, with dignified forgetfulness, "to entertain
+such silly fears.  Alas, you women, that you should give way to
+weaknesses of this sort!  What would you say of us men now, if we were
+so easily afflicted?"
+
+It was fine the way in which I wielded my advantage, and clearly showed
+to the shrinking little creature how ill the poor weak female character
+compared with the hardy, resolute male.  But as this instance goes to
+show, I do not really think that the masculine character is so much
+sterner than the feminine; for is not its pre-eminence largely a matter
+of assumption?  A man scorns and conceals the weaknesses a woman
+flaunts and cherishes.
+
+The twilight was deepening rapidly and giving way to an evening of
+heavy clouds and rainy wind, when arm-in-arm we started to walk we knew
+not where.  We started to walk into the night and the country places,
+away from our enemies, and from those who would sever or deter us.  We
+had not the faintest idea as to the place we were bound for.  One spot
+was as good as another.  Involuntarily we turned into the park,
+although we knew not why we should.  But I suppose we felt that every
+step we took into this mysterious nowhere of our destination, we were
+leaving the law behind, and that together, friendless and resourceless,
+but ever hand-in-hand, we were beginning our lives anew.
+
+We moved away at a brisk round pace, possessed with the thought of
+putting a long distance between us and our foes.  And in the pleasure
+of having come together again we walked lightly and easily for long
+enough, not heeding the way, nor the wind, nor the threat of the
+rainclouds and the dark evening.  We rejoiced in the exquisite sense of
+our comradeship, and in the thought that every step we took together
+was a contribution to our freedom.  We came out of the park again, and
+went on and on, past the houses of Kensington, and then past straggling
+and remoter places, the names of which I did not know.
+
+In a surprisingly little while, as it seemed to us, sunk in the
+obsession of our companionship, we were groping in the unlit darkness
+of the country lanes, with the lights of the town we had left fading
+away behind us.  But we must have been walking considerably more than
+two hours, and at a smart pace, to judge by the distance we had made.
+It was then that I pressed Cynthia's hand and says:
+
+"Are you not tired, little one?"
+
+"Nay," says she, "my feet are slipping by so light, I do not know that
+I am walking.  I could journey on all night in this way."
+
+I was vastly gratified by this brave speech.  But for myself, although
+I too had no weariness, and to be sure I could not have confessed to it
+if I had, I was yet being bitten very severely by the pangs of hunger.
+All day I had taken nothing beyond a glass or two of wine.  Therefore I
+now felt a pressing need.
+
+"At least," says I, "I hope you are hungry?"
+
+"Well, since you mention it," says she, "I think I am."
+
+"That is well," says I, "for I am most abominably so.  I believe I
+never was so hungry in my life before; and I am sure I never had
+scantier means of appeasing it.  Only conceive of twelvepence halfpenny
+to the two of us for our board and lodging."
+
+It now became our business to find an inn of the meaner sort, in which
+we might invest this munificent sum.  But as we had long since left the
+bricks and mortar of the town behind, a house for our entertainment was
+not so easily come by.
+
+We walked on and on, but still no welcome inn appeared; and presently
+the lamps of the great city itself had vanished, till we were left in
+the utter darkness of the country lanes.  There was no evidence of a
+human habitation anywhere about, and we knew not where we were.
+
+By this time both of us were tired as well as most bitterly hungry.
+Poor little Cynthia hung so heavily on my arm, that I knew fatigue had
+mastered her.  Yet so brave she was, that despite all the pains and
+difficulties she endured, she would not admit that she was weary.
+Indeed, when I asked her to confess it, says she: "Nay, not I," as
+stoutly as she would have done three hours before.  Yet when we came to
+a bank of earth beside the way, and I bade her rest upon it for a
+little while she could raise no very great objection.
+
+I suppose two persons could never have taken their repose with more
+singular feelings than did we upon that bank of earth.  Whither we were
+going that night, and what was to become of us we did not know.  There
+was the sum of twelvepence halfpenny between us and destitution, but
+even this could not avail us in such a solitary darkness, in the
+absence of a house and human aid.  Happily the night was wonderfully
+mild, and we in our coats and stout boots were warmly clad.  Otherwise
+we might have perished where we sat.  The pains of fatigue, allied to
+the pangs of hunger, had bereft us of both the energy and the
+inclination to proceed.  We must have tarried on that bank considerably
+beyond an hour, mutually consoling one another.  For my part little
+Cynthia's courage almost reconciled me to these present circumstances,
+but you may be sure I was bitterly distressed for her.  I had admitted
+her into my care, foolishly no doubt, and because there was scarcely an
+alternative; and this was the sort of provision I had to offer.  Come
+what may, something must be done.  The child could never be left to
+suffer thus.  I must find food and a sanctuary of some sort for her.
+
+However, even as I pondered on our case, hunger and weariness did their
+worst.
+
+For some time I had known by Cynthia's failing answers and the
+heaviness with which she leant against me, that she was becoming more
+and more completely overborne.  And I'll swear so monstrous brave she
+was that never a word of complaint passed her lips, nor yet a tear
+escaped her.  And then her little head nestled up to my coat-sleeve,
+and the next moment she sighed and was dead asleep upon it.  In spite
+of her resolution, the excitements, the distresses and the pains of
+that long day had overpowered her.  Yet I dare not have her pass the
+night in this exposure on a moist bank of earth, with the night-wind
+playing on her face, and the clouds that had banked themselves over the
+moon for ever increasing and threatening to descend upon us in a
+drenching rain.  Therefore, dire as my own case was, I roused myself to
+a desperate attempt to discover a meal and a lodging for the night.
+
+I had not the heart to try to arouse the poor child, as you may
+suppose; wherefore, disturbing her as little as I could, I gathered her
+in my arms, for after all her fine spirit she was but a feather of a
+thing, and carried her before me along the lane.  It was an effort of
+despair, for the never-ending darkness revealed no glimpse of what I
+sought.  Every now and then the wind brought a spatter of the expected
+rain; but this, when it came upon my lips, carried a kind of
+refreshment in it.  I doggedly set my teeth and marched along with my
+warm burden, and I think the weight of responsibility that was in my
+arms, added to the one upon my heart, fostered a grim determination in
+me to succeed in my search at any cost.  The lanes seemed interminable,
+and every one the same.  All my limbs were one strange, numb ache; I
+had become so faint with hunger that I moved in a kind of delirium; and
+in the end every step I took became so mechanical a thing as to be an
+effort of the will without the co-operation of the senses.
+
+Heaven knows what the hour was when one of these lanes I had been
+eternally taking all night long ended in a partly-unhinged gate.  My
+first instinct was to snatch an instant's rest upon it; but this I
+dared not do.  I could never have set my paralysed limbs in motion
+again had I done so.  Indeed it was but the presence of poor little
+Cynthia in my arms that prevented my sinking to the earth as I stood.
+But looking beyond the gate I could indistinctly define various dull
+masses that I believed to be the outline of haystacks or farm
+buildings.  Brushing through the rickety gate with an accession of new
+strength that the idea had lent me, I had not proceeded many yards in
+the stubble-field beyond ere I knew that at last I had come to a
+farmstead.  There was not a glimmer of light to be seen anywhere, nor
+could I make out in the total darkness which was the house itself.
+Approaching nearer it grew plain that these were farm buildings.
+Considering, however, my exhausted condition, the lateness of the hour,
+and the probability that the house was some distance off, I decided to
+make the best of what lay before me.  No sooner had I taken this
+resolve, than the moon, as if in recognition of it, showed itself
+suddenly for the first time that night from out of its wrack of rain
+clouds.  By its aid and the smell issuing from within I was made aware
+that I stood before the entrance to a cow-hovel.
+
+There was no door to it, therefore I was able to carry Cynthia straight
+in.  The cows in their various stalls paid us hardly any attention as I
+groped my way past them.  The place was of a somewhat considerable
+extent, and coming to the end of it, I discovered a space in the far
+corner where the clean straw was stored.  Dispersing a bundle of it
+with my feet, I deposited my poor little one very gently into the warm
+bed thereby made.  Careful as I had been not to disturb her, the change
+in her position had its effect.  She gave the same sigh with which she
+had gone to sleep, and says:
+
+"Jack, Jack, where are you?  I do believe I've been to sleep."
+
+"Then go to sleep again, my prettiness," says I.
+
+"But what is this?" says she.  "This is surely not the bank of moist
+earth in the lane I went to sleep on.  Where are we then?  What place
+is this so warm and snug?"  A rustle.  "Straw!"  A sniff.  "A cow-shed!
+Oh dear, I am----!  Oh, could we----! and, oh, Jack, dear, how did we
+get here?"
+
+The sound of Cynthia's voice and the knowledge that there was a roof
+for her head and a couch for her body at last, however mean they might
+be, did much to lift me out of my own sorry predicament.  Faint and
+numb as I still was, my brain seemed to have its capacity restored.
+And at least I could gauge by my own sufferings those which Cynthia
+strove so valiantly to conceal.
+
+"Are you not hungry, little one?" says I.
+
+"Are you?" says she.
+
+"Most damnably so," says I.
+
+"Then I am too."
+
+Now I would have you mark that hunger is a great wit.  Cynthia sniffed
+a second time.  "Cows," says she.  "Oh, what good fortune!"
+
+"But my dearest prettiness," says I, "hungry as we are I do not exactly
+see how these cows can help us.  Although to be sure I will undertake
+to knock one down and skin it, and make the fire and such like menial
+offices, if you will cut it up and cook it."
+
+"Goose that you are," says Cynthia.  "You almost deserve to perish of
+your emptiness.  What about the milk?"
+
+"Odslife!" cries I, "to think that I should not have thought of that.
+Ye gods and little fishes, I must go find a pot, or a pail, or a pan to
+hold it in!"
+
+The happy prospect of such sustenance endowed us both with new vigour.
+Without more ado I began groping about in this moonlit hovel to
+discover these utensils.  But it was no such easy matter.  Look where I
+might, inside the place and outside of it, amongst the straw and
+fodder, or among the cows themselves, there was devil a pail that I
+could see.  Yet so insistent was our case that we could not be put off
+by any small detail of this sort.  We were both of us thoroughly awake
+by now and fully bent on assuaging our distresses.  And Cynthia in
+particular showed her good resources.
+
+"Jack," says she, "give me your hat.  It is bigger than mine."
+
+"To be sure," says I.  "I had not thought of that.  But I will go and
+do the milking.  I do not choose that you undertake these menial
+offices, my pretty, like a common dairymaid."
+
+"I am afraid you can have no choice in the matter," says Cynthia, now
+thoroughly awakened and full of importance at the prospect.  "You speak
+as though it were indeed the simplest thing in the world to milk a cow.
+'Pon my word, sir, I would vastly like to see you at that exercise.  It
+requires a mighty long apprenticeship, I would have you to know; and
+luckily I have had it during the time I have lived in Devonshire.  Were
+it to be left to you, I am thinking we should come by precious little
+else than your good intentions."
+
+I bent my head in silence under this merited reproof.  Our resolve was
+a brave one, for in the darkness and strangeness of the place it was
+not easy to carry it out.  However, Cynthia, armed with my hat, if you
+please, was not the person to stick at trifles.  She groped her way
+among the cows in a most valiant manner, and presently, having the good
+fortune to find one with a calf by its side, her task was made lighter
+than it might have been otherwise.  I encumbered her with my
+assistance.  The assistance in question consisted in holding the hat,
+while she performed the more delicate operation.  And I could not help
+remarking that for a town miss, who in Saint James's Park or Bloomsbury
+had quite enough of airs, affectation and incapacity to pass as a
+person of the finest _ton_, she showed a degree of aptitude quite
+foreign to her quality.
+
+"It is rarely done," says I, as the hat grew weightier and weightier.
+"And I protest that you astonish me.  It is as unmodish a performance
+as ever I saw.  I wish some of your friends could see you now."
+
+"Oh, Lord," says Cynthia, in great terror from beneath the udder, "I
+would not have them see me for the world.  I vow if they did I should
+die of it."
+
+"I believe you would," says I; "and I believe they would also."
+
+Cynthia had the first drink from the hat, which, being of a good, stiff
+felt quality, and being pretty commodious too, for its business as you
+know was to enclose a great brain, it made an admirable receptacle.
+But to drink from it without spilling the milk was not by any means a
+simple performance.  Great address was required, but the expert Mrs.
+Cynthia contrived it somehow.  And when she fitted her lips to the
+brim, there was never a drop that left this quaint vessel but it went
+to its right destination.
+
+"How warm and delicious it is!" says she, after bibbing a most
+immoderate quantity.  "How refreshed I feel!"
+
+Shaking with laughter, I followed her example.  Yet the vigour with
+which I did it, combined with my clumsier masculine methods, had
+unfortunate consequences.  I choked and sputtered and turned a good
+deal down my coat ere I was able to get any satisfaction out of my
+labours.  However, when I had learned to control my impatience, and had
+found the true knack of drinking hot milk out of my own hat, it was
+almost worth enduring the pangs of so shrewd a hunger to have such an
+exquisite recompense.  One hatful did not suffice us either.  We
+returned to the cow again and again; and with such excellent
+consequences, that for the nonce, we were both strongly agreed that no
+meal of rare dishes served on silver with powdered servants behind our
+chairs had ever given us any pleasure to approach our present one.
+Indeed, so delicately satisfied did we feel within, and such a sense of
+sweet lassitude was stealing over us, as made the thoughts of our couch
+of straw a thousand times more delectable than any pillows and lavender
+sheets we had ever slept in--nay, we really marvelled that if this was
+a state of mind incident to a vagabond roving life, how any one could
+ever do aught else but adopt it?  Truly it must be the ignorance of the
+world.  People could not know of these Arcadian delights.  Who would
+trouble else to be a peer, for ever sweating and fuming in the toils of
+one's position, spending one's days in contriving fresh devices for the
+defeat of weariness and in the excitement of new appetites?  Who would
+game and drink every night in order to forget the _ennui_ of the world,
+only to find day by day that instead of forgetting it, the intolerable
+oppression of it did increase?
+
+After shaking down several bundles of sweet-smelling hay and making of
+it a rare soft bed, I was about to lie in it, when the propriety of the
+feminine character was most excellently manifested.  With a good deal
+of confusion in her voice, and I'll swear in her face too, though
+unhappily the darkness of this far corner was so great I could not
+observe it, my companion intimated her modest doubts.  It seemed we had
+not yet been through the hands of the clergyman.  Be sure that this
+marvellously bashful proper miss did not use words of this rude
+character.  In faith, I hardly think that she used words at all; and if
+she did, certainly not more than three at a time, and even they were of
+such a nature that taken by themselves they could have no meaning
+whatever.  But so evident were the poor child's modest distresses, and
+so keen her desire not to act in anywise contrary to the conventions of
+that propriety in which her sex has ever been foremost, that I nearly
+cracked a rib with my vulgar mirth.
+
+"So be it, Mrs. Puritan," says I.  "But upon my soul more _bourgeois_
+reasons I never heard.  'Fore Gad, though, a most meritorious
+respectability."
+
+Little Cynthia, however, was not to be smoked out of her demeanour.
+She persevered in it in the most straight-laced manner, and in the end
+I was fain to erect a barrier of hay between us, and build up a second
+couch for myself.  Thus we might at a pinch be said to occupy separate
+chambers, though to be sure the partition between us was not stout
+enough to prevent us conversing as we lay in our separate beds.  But it
+was little talk that passed between us.  We were so delightfully weary
+that it began and ended in "Good-night!"  The next minute an
+unmistakable indication came from Mrs. Cynthia's apartment, and a
+minute afterwards I was sunk in the honestest and therefore the most
+delicious sleep I had enjoyed for many a year.  I neither dreamt nor
+wandered, but just dropt into a profound insensibility which was
+continued well into the daylight of the morning.  This rare refreshment
+was destined to end in a somewhat peremptory fashion.
+
+I think it must have been a kick or a blow that waked me.  For I came
+to my senses with an unnatural suddenness and a curse on my tongue.  It
+was broad day, and the misty morning sun was struggling in through
+numerous chinks in the roof and walls of the hovel.  A farmer with a
+pitchfork in his hand was standing before me.  He was almost
+inarticulate with rage.  As I opened my eyes he burst out into a
+violent Doric that I hope these pages are much too chaste to adequately
+reproduce.
+
+"Well I nivver in all my born days," says he, stamping his feet, and
+then rounding his period with a most ferocious kick on my shin.
+
+"Get up, ye impident scoundrel, and I'll beat ye to purpose so I will.
+In my own barn, in broad daylight too.  O the impidence, the domned
+impidence of it!"
+
+The kick had greatly helped me to realize the state of the case.  We
+had been discovered by the owner of the cow-house, and he, with true
+British respect for the rights of property, was not unnaturally
+incensed that two persons were so calmly infringing them.  For by this
+he had discovered poor little Cynthia, whom I was able to observe
+through the frail portion of hay between us, sitting up in her bed with
+a very woeful, frightened countenance.
+
+"Whoy theer's a woman too," says the farmer.  "Well if this doan't beat
+all I ivver heard.  O you impident hussy."
+
+"My good fellow," says I, fearing lest he should deal Cynthia a kick
+also, "I am afraid you are under some misapprehension in this matter.
+Allow me to explain."
+
+I thought it to be an occasion when the very nicest suavity of tone and
+manner was required, for the consequences were like to be uncommonly
+ruffling else.  Therefore I could not have been more careful of my
+courtesy had I been addressing my remarks to the King.  But all I got
+for my pains was the sight of a great bewilderment that suddenly ran in
+the farmer's purple face.
+
+"Whoy, a dom'd foreigner," says he.  "That makes it wuss, an hundred
+times wuss, that it do.  I'll give you foreigner, I will too.  A
+foreigner in my plaace, among my cows, lying in my hay.  Come out o' it
+and I'll break your yedd in two plazen; once for yersen, and once for
+t' little witch with the blue eyes.  How d'ye like that, Mister
+Foreigner?"
+
+Crack came the blunt end of the pitchfork at me so smartly, that it was
+only the fact that I was expecting some small manifestation of the kind
+that enabled me to get up my arm quick enough to save my head.
+
+As my attempt at a polite argument had had such an unfortunate effect
+upon him, I judged that I should best serve my skin by advancing a less
+formal sort of rejoinder, but one that might more directly appeal to
+his rustic character.
+
+"Enough of this, sir," says I, "But just lay down your pitchfork, take
+off your jacket and step outside, and you shall be the judge as to
+whether I am a foreigner, or as good an Englishman as you are yourself."
+
+The effect upon him was excellent.  His anger melted at once at this
+proposal, so clearly was it after his own mind.
+
+"'Tis fair speaking anyway," says he.  "I could not have spoken it
+better myself.  Come on this way, my lad, we'll soon set this matter to
+rights."
+
+Cynthia was terribly frightened.  She clung to my arms, and refused to
+let me follow the farmer into the yard.
+
+"Much as I admire your solicitude, my prettiness," says I, "it is most
+highly inconvenient.  For do you not see that this is as much an affair
+of honour as an appointment at Lincoln's Inn Fields?  Mr. Chawbacon has
+suffered an injury at our hands, and you who milked his cow last night
+should be the last to deny it.  Wherefore should he not have the
+satisfaction that he desires?  You would not, I am sure, have me put
+off my gentility now that I cease to wear its livery.  It is the only
+reparation that I can make to Mr. Chawbacon, and if I denied it to the
+honest fellow I should cease to respect myself."
+
+Poor little Cynthia having no substantial argument to advance against
+this--indeed how could she have?--had recourse to a flood of tears, at
+once the most natural, formidable and convincing one her sex can set
+up.  But greatly as her behaviour embarrassed me, I was committed with
+the farmer, and I have such an instinct in these matters, that
+notwithstanding Cynthia's very real distress, I could not possibly have
+backed out of my position with any shred of credit.  Therefore taking
+off my great-coat I bade the poor frightened child wrap herself in it
+up to her ears and to stay where she was, that she might neither hear
+nor observe that which was going forward.  She obeyed me in this, and
+lay sobbing softly to herself while I went forth to do battle with my
+friend the farmer.
+
+On stepping out of the hovel into the yard I found my antagonist was
+surrounded by three or four of the farm yokels, and moreover was
+stripped to the waist.  To judge by his expression he was plainly
+animated by the highest intentions towards me, and was prepared to give
+quite as much or even more than he was likely to receive.
+
+"Now then, my lad," he says briskly, "I'm a-going to do as well by you
+as Tench did last week by the Fightin' Tinman.  Now then, Joe Barker,
+and you, Bill Blagg, come on with them there pails and moppses."
+
+To my infinite delight I saw that the two children of the soil in
+question were bearing two buckets of water towards us with a sponge
+floating on the top of each.
+
+"We can't have this done in due and proper form according to the
+reggerlations," says this sportsman of a farmer in an apologetic voice,
+"because you see we've got no judge, and none o' these men o' mine
+could be trusted with the dooties.  I wish Squire was here, I do so.
+We _could_ have it all done proper then accordin' to the reggerlations.
+Squire was Tench's backer down Putney way last week, and knows all the
+reggerlations off by heart, does Squire.  He only lives just across the
+road, and if you'll wait a minute I'll have him fetched."
+
+"No, my good man," says I hastily, "we'll have no squires if you
+please.  We can trust one another, I suppose.  Let me suggest that a
+knock-down ends the round, and that we set-to again when we feel able."
+
+"That seems fair," says the farmer.  "But I should a-liked Squire to
+ha' been here all the same, and I'm thinking he'd a-liked to ha' been
+here too.  He's the best sporting man in Surrey, is the Squire, and
+fair death on the reggerlations."
+
+Having fixed up all the preliminaries of an encounter in this
+expeditious fashion, I proceeded to prepare for the fray.  I imitated
+the farmer's excellent example, divested myself of coat, waistcoat and
+shirt, and bound up my breeches with a leathern belt I was able to
+borrow from a flattered and delighted yokel.  It was in this negligent
+attire that I regarded my antagonist, and devoutly hoped the while that
+my little Cynthia was still sobbing among the hay in the hovel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER V
+
+I VINDICATE THE NATIONAL CHARACTER
+
+The farmer held out his hand with a grin, but quite in the approved
+manner, and I seized the occasion of shaking it briefly to run over his
+points.  He was extremely broad: a hard-looking, powerful fellow,
+apparently capable of taking a deal of punishment.  But his years were
+against him.  He was considerably on the wrong side of fifty to judge
+by his looks, and in height I had the advantage of a full four inches.
+To judge by the attitude in which he set himself, I doubted whether,
+whatever his experience of these encounters, he had much science to
+recommend him.  For myself I must confess I was hugely delighted with
+the whole thing, and entered into it with the spirit of a boy.  A match
+or a contest or a wager of any kind has ever been peculiarly acceptable
+to me.  Indeed was it not this fondness, amounting almost to a passion,
+that had so largely contributed to my present position?  I had always,
+I think, been pretty ready with my hands; had had some little practice
+in night affrays with footpads and persons of that kidney; had
+witnessed more than one set-to in the ring; whilst as for the matter of
+science, I had in my younger days taken so keen an interest in this
+invaluable art, as to put myself under the tutelage of acknowledged
+masters of it.  Therefore I was not without a certain confidence in
+myself, although there was a grim determination about the mien and air
+of the farmer that was not to be despised.  He was unmistakably game
+and full of the true fighting instinct, but his years were no friends
+of his intrepidity.
+
+Disregarding all subtleties and finesse, as well became his blunt,
+rustical, honest character, we had no sooner greeted one another and
+got our hands up, than the farmer came at me both hands pell-mell, with
+his head down, like a bull at a gate.  His onset was so fierce and
+sudden, that I was by no means prepared to receive it, and he had me at
+a decided disadvantage.  He had rained in a full dozen of short-armed
+blows, right and left, left and right at my face, at my ribs, at my
+chest, ere I could even so much as find my fighting legs, or bring into
+action any little skill that I might possess.  My long-unpractised ward
+could not prevail at all against such an onslaught.  I received
+half-parried blows on the mouth, which cut my lip and broke a tooth, on
+the right eye which partially closed it up, and a full one in the ribs.
+This last was the worst of all, as for a time it deprived me somewhat
+of my wind and made me sob to catch my breath.  And while I was meeting
+with these misfortunes, the bystanding yokels, whose sympathies were
+all on one side and that not mine, as you may suppose, were dancing
+with delight, and shrieking their hoarse encouragement.
+
+"Go it, varmer.  Give un pepper, give un snuff!"
+
+However, by this I had pulled myself together somewhat, and had found a
+means of coping with this hand-over-hand style of fighting.  There was
+plenty of room to dodge in.  This I began to make use of.  Indeed it
+was the only chance I had of protecting myself, for I was quite
+incapable of standing up to the farmer's terrible blows.  But as soon
+as I could find myself sufficiently to begin dancing out of his reach,
+the game turned at once in my favour.  There was devil a bit of guile
+or finesse in the heart of my honest adversary.  The moment I gave
+ground, he pursued me, hitting the air.  Happily for me he was much too
+slow and heavy in this kind of warfare ever to get his knuckles near
+the place he desired.
+
+In a little while his great jowl grew inflamed, the sweat poured off
+his forehead into his eyes, his breath came short and thick, and his
+hitting grew gradually weaker and less sustained.  It was not yet that
+I went in, however.  I continued to prance round and round him, there
+being plenty of room in which to do so; and at every futile blow he
+grew more unsteady.  But all this while I had a keen eye for my
+opportunity.  It was coming slowly but surely, for I was well enough
+versed in the matter to know better than to go so much as an inch to
+meet it.  I waited then with a wary patience, sometimes letting him get
+nearer than I need have done to encourage him in his course.  Not that
+this was necessary, for the old fellow was as game as any pet of the
+"fancy" that ever buffed in the ring.  But not again did I allow him to
+get his "ten commandments" home on me; I had had enough of that.  And
+at last having allowed him to spend himself entirely, I quickly
+selected the moment of my advantage, even deliberated on it to make
+quite sure, and then stiffened every muscle into trim.  I made a
+pretence of closing up with him.  This had the effect of luring him
+into another futile rush.  As he came hitting blindly, I feinted, and
+as he went past, my right went out at the most correct fraction of an
+instant, and down went the gallant farmer into the muck of his own
+barton.  The Fighting Tinker himself could not have done it more
+neatly, I'll vow.  But the old fellow was of a rare British mettle.  He
+was no sooner down than he was up again.  Apparently he was ashamed to
+be seen in such a humiliating posture.
+
+I, for my part, had barely time to wipe away the blood that was oozing
+from my broken lip, ere the farmer was up and at me again.  But I was
+not to be caught napping a second time.  By this I was perfectly calm
+and sure of myself, for I felt that I enjoyed a command of the methods
+that were likely to bring me success.  Instead of dodging from my
+opponent on this occasion I allowed him to come right up and literally
+hurl himself on his own undoing.  For again at the exact instant I got
+a beautiful lead on to his point, and stunned as much by the unexpected
+check to his own impetus as by the blow itself, he fell flat on his
+back.  This time he lay half stunned.  He made several attempts to rise
+immediately, but was quite unable to do so.
+
+Seeing him to be somewhat the worse, his yokels ran to him, whilst I
+went too, and rendered him all the assistance that lay in my power.  He
+lay puffing and panting in the mire of the yard, half-dazed by his
+disaster, otherwise apparently not a penny the worse.  He was still
+full of fighting courage; but unfortunately he lay as weak as a child
+from the shock of the blow and the fall.  Strive as he might he was
+quite unable to rise.  His yokels of course were at a loss to know what
+to do in the circumstances, but I did what I could by propping his head
+on my knee, and dispatching one of the men to the house for some
+brandy.  And at this moment who should arrive but little Cynthia with a
+very white face indeed, and in such a quiver of distress as plainly
+said that she had witnessed the whole affair from the seclusion of the
+cowhouse.
+
+"Oh," says she, taking charge of the farmer at once, and sponging his
+face and his breast with the cold water, "you are neither of you
+killed, I hope.  Oh, you pair of ruffian wretches!  Have you much pain,
+poor farmer?  Lean your head on Jack, and take things gently a little.
+And do you, What's-your-name? bring his coat and put over the poor
+man's shoulders."
+
+While these delicate attentions were going forward, my sturdy adversary
+was recovering remarkably.
+
+"I'm all right, my wench," says he.  "But I'm dom'd if I can stand up
+again, much as I should like.  Your mate's done me fair for once, and I
+can tell you he's the only man hereabouts that ivver gave Joe Headish
+his bellyful.  Dom'd if I don't go at 'im again.  Here, let be; let me
+get up."
+
+By a sudden effort he tried to rise, but immediately fell back again in
+a still more dilapidated state.  But the arrival of the brandy did a
+good deal to restore him, and a little afterwards he was on his legs.
+Feeling himself in no condition to continue, reluctant as he was to
+admit the fact, he held out his hand, and we both subscribed to the
+articles of peace.
+
+By the time I had donned my clothes in the seclusion of the hovel, and
+had emerged forth again in all the respectability of my great-coat,
+coat, waistcoat, and shirt, the farmer was thoroughly recovered and
+talking to Cynthia in the most friendly spirit.  At my appearance, says
+he:
+
+"I don't know who you are, young man; I don't know you from Adam, that
+I don't, but I respect you.  You're of the right stuff, my lad, and
+pretty handy with your mauleys.  I ax pardon for calling you a
+foreigner.  Whatever part you come from, and whatever your occipation
+may be, dom'd if you're not as true-blood an Englishman as I am mysen.
+And I don't care who hears me say it."
+
+"I thank you, sir," says I gravely.  "But I am sure the apology should
+come from me.  I on my side ask your pardon for using your cowhouse and
+using your milk in the small hours of the morning."
+
+"Don't name it," says the farmer.  "You're quite welcome to the best
+I've got.  And dom me if it comes to that you shall have it too.  You
+come along with me, and bring the little wench as well.  Purty a little
+wench as ivver I see, she is so!"
+
+I suppose it was the rudest and coarsest invitation either of us had
+ever had in our lives, but it was certainly the heartiest; and this
+I'll vow, there never was an invitation in this world more promptly and
+thankfully accepted.  Indeed at the first hint of it our hearts almost
+leapt with joy, and then a tear sparkled in Cynthia's eyes as she
+curtsied to the farmer.  It was really fine to observe the behaviour of
+the honest fellow.  There was not a spark of animosity in him.  He had
+arbitrated on the merits of the case in his own fashion, and he now
+acquiesced in the result with the same game spirit with which he had
+arrived at it.  And I am perfectly certain for my part that there was
+more wisdom in the man's instincts of justice than may at the first
+sight appear.  If all the world would recognize his as the accepted
+manner of adjudicating on its private and individual grievances, it
+would be found the best method, the one least likely to breed bad
+blood, and the one most calculated to engender a mutual respect in the
+parties concerned.  And now having delivered this superior sentiment as
+a sort of grace before meat, let us follow our good farmer to his
+dwelling with the cheerful expedition that we did on the occasion
+itself.
+
+The excellent man, although evidently puzzled as to who we might
+be--our mode of life was certainly such as to justify his gravest
+suspicions--was at great pains to conceal any doubts of our character
+and occupation that he might entertain.  But the moment we entered the
+ample food-smelling kitchen of the farm, the ceiling hung if you please
+with hams, a rare dish of bacon frizzling before the fire, and a
+breakfast table that to our charmed eyes was almost overborne with good
+homely and appetizing things, we had to run the gauntlet of the
+farmer's wife.  She was a little, keen-featured, hard-faced woman,
+with, as we were soon to discover, the devil of a sharp tongue.  She
+ruffled her feathers as soon as she saw us.
+
+"Lork-a-mercy!" says she, "I didn't know, Joseph, as 'ow you was
+a-bringing of company to breakfast."
+
+"I didn't know mysen," says Joseph complacently.  Then followed a
+moment of embarrassment.  It was plainly the good man's duty to present
+us to his wife.  She very properly expected it of him.  But as in his
+own phrase he did not know us from Adam himself, he was at a loss to
+know in what terms to represent us.  Nor did the pause that ensued help
+matters at all.  The farmer's wife had from the first, as her manner
+showed, been by no means disposed to view us favourably.  There was
+evidently something in our appearance that had caused her to take a
+strong prejudice against us.  One cannot be surprised that this was the
+case, however, seeing that we were both unwashed, and as unkempt as we
+possibly could be, whilst to add a final touch to the picture we
+presented, I was embellished with a puffy and discoloured eye, and a
+bloodied lip.  These misfortunes, when her good man had made
+appearances ten times more unfortunate by his hesitation, his wife was
+only too ready to take as a confirmation of her suspicions.  We were a
+pair of worthless persons, and Joseph was unable to account for the
+sudden impulse that had led him to bring us into that respectable
+abode.  For if we were persons of some credit, why did not Joseph say
+so at once?  His wife sniffed, and after gazing at us in a most
+disconcerting manner, was moved to say:
+
+"Joseph, I'm surprised at you.  I'll have no wicked vagabond
+play-actors here.  I've always done my best to keep this house
+respectable, and, please God, it shall always be so.  How dare you
+bring such people here?  I'll be bound you found them sleeping in your
+barn, and then, soft-hearted fool that you are, you bring them in to
+breakfast.  Oh, I know; you can't deceive me.  It is not enough then
+that they should trespass on your premises, lie on your hay, and rob
+your hen-roosts, but you must encourage 'em in it into the bargain, and
+bring them into this clean, wholesome kitchen that you know I've always
+took such a pride in."
+
+The farmer turned as red as a cabbage.  In his heart he was bound to
+admit that every word his wife uttered was true in substance.  But he
+was a very honest fellow; and though he might feel that he was greatly
+to blame for taking a couple of vagrants so much under his wing, he was
+not the man to go back on his hospitality.  He stood by us nobly.
+
+"Wife," says he, "what words be these?  If I choose to ask a lady and
+gentleman to come and sit at table with me, shall my own wife insult
+them lo their faces?"
+
+"Lady and gentleman!" says the redoubtable wife.  "A pretty sort of
+lady and gentleman, ain't they?  A brazen madam with a hat on.  Oh, and
+curls too!  Lord, look at her!  If she's not a play-actress I've never
+seen one.  And what a bully of a rogue she has got with her, too.  Hath
+he not the very visnomy of a footpad?  He's lately escaped from Newgate
+Gaol, I'll take my oath on't."
+
+There could be no doubt that this good lady was blest with a tongue of
+the sharpest kind.  Her husband was terribly put out by it.  Poor
+little Cynthia was, too.  For all her high breeding and her modish
+London insolence, which in circumstances favourable to it was wont to
+sit so charmingly upon her, she could hardly restrain her tears.  I
+suppose it is that a woman can never bear to be ridiculed, or abused,
+or put in a false position.  The poor child trembled and clung to my
+arm, while her face grew pink and white by turns.
+
+"Oh, Jack," she whispered, "do say something that will put us right.
+Tell them who we are.  I cannot bear to be spoken to like this."
+
+"You surely would not have me spoil the comedy just now?" says I.  "I
+am enjoying it vastly."
+
+In sooth I was.  I dare say it is that I am always keenly alive to
+these odd passages in life, and that I am more prone to seize the
+whimsicality of a matter than is a person of a better gravity.  I vow
+it was finer than a play to me to witness a highly rustical farmer and
+his spouse violently quarrelling because Mr. Chawbacon had degraded his
+rural abode by bringing a duke's daughter into it.  And here was the
+storm growing shriller, the farmer redder and angrier, and poor little
+Cynthia ready to faint with the humiliation of it all.
+
+The state of the case was not improved when the farmer turned his back
+on his wife in the middle of her invective.  And doubtless to define
+his opinion of her behaviour and to show that he was determined to
+stand by us, come what might, he very civilly asked us whether we would
+care to have some hot water from the kettle and go upstairs and perform
+our ablutions.  You may guess with what alacrity we accepted this
+invitation; indeed nothing could have better accorded with our needs
+and our wishes.  But no sooner had the farmer spoken to this tenor than
+Mistress Headish broke out shriller than before:
+
+"What can you be thinking of, Joseph Headish?" says she.  "Do you think
+I would trust two such rapscallion persons out of my sight in our clean
+upper chambers, and so many things to tempt their honesty in them, too?
+No; if they want to wash themselves, they must do it at the pump in the
+yard, as their betters have had to do often enough.  And why people
+like that, leading the vagrant, masterless life they do, should require
+to wash themselves at all, I don't know.  And as you have promised them
+a bite to eat, they shall have it, after they have washed themselves.
+But not in my nice clean kitchen.  I'll send 'em out half a loaf of
+bread and a piece of cold bacon, and a mug of my good October ale, and
+they can take it sitting on the pump, and think themselves lucky to get
+it too."
+
+"Peace, woman," says the farmer, in a voice of such dudgeon as did him
+the highest credit.  "Are you the master in this house, or am I?"
+
+To emphasize the inquiry he brought his hand down with such a force
+upon the breakfast-table as set the dishes rattling; whilst he
+indicated the answer by peremptorily bidding us follow him upstairs.
+This we were in something of a hurry to do, and we soon found ourselves
+in a spacious bed-chamber, which smelt of cleanliness to such an extent
+that, knowing how very ill our own persons must consort with it, we
+began to feel that the farmer's wife was justified of her grievances.
+That worthy shrew, having thoroughly aroused her honest husband, did
+not think fit to interpose any active resistance to his commands, but
+contented herself by staying below, and in delivering a shrill
+monologue from the foot of the stairs.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VI
+
+CONTAINS A FEW TRITE UTTERANCES ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+
+We had to wait a minute for the hot water and fresh towels which our
+host had had the forethought to order for us.  These were presently
+brought by a strapping servant lass, whose ill-repressed grins proved
+that she had been a spectator of these incidents.  While we waited, the
+good man's apologies for his wife were truly comic.  He chivalrously
+made it clear to us that her defects sprang from the very excess of
+excellencies in her character.
+
+"A notable good woman," says he, while her voice continued to shrill up
+the stairs.  "A fine, honest, energetic woman--a woman in a thousand.
+Always strivin', savin', and cleanin' she is, the very model of what a
+housewife should be.  If she's got a fault, it is her over-anxiousness.
+She will look on the dark side of things; and she's that dreadful
+suspicious, all in the interest of her household, that if a stranger is
+seen with his head over the fence, she can't sleep for a week after it,
+being so certain in her mind that the hayricks are going to be fired,
+the stock taken, the farmstead broken into, and our throats cut as we
+lie in bed.  But I know you'll overlook it; she don't mean nothing by
+it, as you can see with half an eye.  She's a rare good woman as ivver
+I see; it's only her worritin' frettishness for the welfare o' the
+farm; you do understand that, don't you?"
+
+"Perfectly," we said together, an assurance that relieved the good man
+mightily.
+
+"You know, what upsets her most," says he, "is that I can't put a name
+to ye.  For myself, although I came by you promiscuous like at the
+onset, I likes you and I believes in you.  I think you're the right
+sort, only a bit down in the world.  But of course she don't know that.
+She's not seen you use your ten commandments, young man; and she don't
+know what pretty little ways your nice little wife 'ave."  Cynthia
+blushed such a brilliant colour at this complimentary reference that
+the farmer paused to chuckle.  "Begs your pardon, I'm sure, my dear,"
+says he, "if I've put my big foot in it.  Not his wife.  Well, well, I
+thinks none the worse o' 'im for that, I don't; but if I was you I
+would not let the mistress know it.  Her virtue makes her that
+disagreeable sometimes as you wouldn't believe.  Now if you can give me
+a name by which I can introjuice you by, fair and square, as though you
+was friends o' mine, it'll make things easier, do you see, when we sits
+down to breakfast."
+
+"Well," says I, "since you ask it of us, this lady is the Lady Cynthia
+Carew, daughter to the Duke of Salop, and you can call me the Earl of
+Tiverton."
+
+Instead of betraying any surprise at finding us in the possession of
+dignities which, to say the least, he could not have expected us to
+enjoy, the farmer betrayed not a whit of it, but broke into a fit of
+laughter and clapped me upon the shoulder.
+
+"Oh, if it comes to that," says he, "you can call me the Cham of
+Tartary and my old missis the Queen of Sheba."
+
+Nor would he, in spite of the solemn assurances that I rather delighted
+to give him, be convinced of our true condition.
+
+"No, my lad," says he, still laughing at the humour of it, "you may be
+pretty handy with your mauleys, and I would be the last to be denying
+that, but you're no more the pattern of a nobleman than I am.  You
+should try this game on with a greener chap than me.  You must not
+think because I'm a plain farmer that I can't recognize the real
+slap-up nobility when I meets them.  Now if you allowed yourself to be
+some sturdy vagabond that's too idle to work for his livelihood, or a
+strolling actor that is a peddling along the country with his
+puppet-show, or an incorrigible rogue that's lately out of the stocks
+for robbing hen-roosts, and was lying last night in my cowhouse to take
+more than his lodging, I wouldn't disbelieve you.  But an earl!--no,
+you've overshot the mark a bit, my lad.  Say a bart now--be satisfied
+with just a blessed bart--and we'll let it pass at that."
+
+"No, rat me if I will," says I, pretending to be angry.  "I'll have my
+earldom, or I'll have nothing at all."
+
+"But surely a bart's good enough for anybody," says the farmer, fully
+entering, as he supposed, into the humour of the thing.  "Why, I
+wouldn't mind being a bart mysen.  Come, let it go at a bart, my lad.
+Yes, I'll pass you at a bart out of respect for your fisticuffs, but
+between you and me I don't think my old mis'ess will."
+
+"No," says I, "'od's blood!  I will not be a bart as you call it.  I
+will be the Right Honourable Anthony Gervas John Plowden-Pleydell,
+Fifth Earl of Tiverton, Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter,
+or I will be nothing at all."
+
+"Very well, then," says the farmer perfunctorily, "since that is your
+humour, we'll have it at that.  But wait till I announce your title to
+my old mis'ess, and hear what she's got to say about it.  And this
+little wench--pretty little wench, I'll allow--she's daughter to my
+lord the Duke of who?"
+
+"To my lord the Duke of Salop," says I, importantly, dwelling on each
+syllable of her title for the jest's sake, "and you can call her my
+Lady Cynthia Mary Jane Carew."
+
+"Dom'd if I don't then," says he.  "And here come the clean clouts and
+the warm water.  Here, Jenny, put them down there for his lordship and
+her ladyship.  And we'll leave his lordship and her ladyship to do
+their dressing, and then they'll please condescend to honour our humble
+meal.  Now, then, my girl, off with you below; and how dare you have
+the impertinence to stand grinning there like a Cheshire cat, before my
+lord and my lady, too!"
+
+With a great guffaw for the honour of his own wit, the farmer left us
+to our much-needed toilets.  The reflections with which we made them
+would have served a philosopher of the kidney of my grandfather, for
+instance, for a monstrous fine homily on the true value of rank and
+title.  What were they worth when enclosed in a suit of homespun?  They
+required all the appurtenances with which they are hedged about in the
+public mind to be of any value whatever.  It seemed that a lord derived
+the consideration of the world from his silk stockings and the congees
+of his servants--not from any intrinsic merits within himself; and it
+was with this trite reflection that I looked in the hand-glass, and
+smiled in something of a cynical manner at the unredeemed villainy of
+the countenance that I found there.  A lively scrubbing did a little
+for it, it is true, but that could not obliterate the traces of my
+recent bout with the farmer, nor the growth of beard upon my chin, nor
+enhance the rude, ill-fitting clothes in which my friend the Jew had,
+as it seemed, so effectually disguised me.  Cynthia, however, who had
+the true feminine ingenuity in these matters, having washed her face
+and trimmed up her curls a little--Lord knows how!--contrived to make a
+very much better appearance in the role of the duke's daughter than
+ever I was like to do in that of the noble wearer of the Order of the
+Garter.  When we were sufficiently furbished to think of going down to
+that delicious meal, in which the greater part of our thoughts were
+centred, says I as we descended:
+
+"Remember now, we are under no alias whatever.  I am my lord, and you
+are my lady."
+
+"But surely," says Cynthia, who in so many ways had the true feminine
+imperviousness to the whimsicality of things, "is this not the very
+height of imprudency?  If we leave evidences behind us at every place
+at which we tarry we shall be certainly taken in three days."
+
+"Rest content," says I, "they will never inquire in out-of-the-way
+places of this sort.  In dangerous places we can still be incognito.
+But do you not see the cream of this affair is that our real names are
+the best disguises we can wish to have?  We are far less likely to be
+recognized by them than any we might adopt."
+
+It was with this conviction that we came in to breakfast, and
+confronted the farmer and his wife.  Determined to play up to my part,
+I bowed to the farmer's wife with a most sweeping air, as though she
+were a woman of the first fashion, and I made her as gracious a speech
+as I could possibly make.  There were a thousand apologies in it, and a
+great many compliments to her, her husband, her kitchen, and more
+sincerely, the hot meal we were dying to partake of.  I did it with all
+the breeding I could summon, and to see such ceremony issuing from so
+common not to say low a person, dumbfounded the good wife so
+completely, that even her powers of speech forsook her.  She blinked,
+and nodded her head, and fidgeted this way and that; and when little
+Cynthia, taking her cue from me, curtsied to her with the best grace of
+a lady-in-waiting to her most gracious Majesty, as indeed the naughty
+miss was destined to be, the poor goodwife was so taken by confusion
+that she trod on the cat, and the cat I doubt not would have knocked
+over the dish of bacon on the hearth in its fright, had not I, in
+anticipation of some such disaster, very gallantly interposed between
+them.
+
+The farmer himself, although equally at a loss to reconcile our manners
+with our appearance and presence in that place, was evidently too much
+of a lover of his joke to let the occasion pass.
+
+"Oh, I forgot to tell you, wife," says he, "that these are a lady and
+gentleman of the first nobility.  You would run on so when they first
+came in that you gave me no chance of saying who they were.  Just tell
+the mis'ess, my lord, who your lordship and her ladyship may be, for I
+domm'd if I don't forget."
+
+This I did with a good deal of unction, for seeing what a comic effect
+our manners had had on the good woman, our names in all probability
+would have one still more singular.  This proved to be the case, for no
+sooner had I, with much apologetic modesty for the circumstances which
+had impelled me to it, played the herald to my fair companion and
+myself, than our hostess became the victim of an even more remarkable
+nervousness, and grew as apologetic on her part as she had been
+cross-grained before.
+
+"La," says she, "I can never forgive my husband for not having told me.
+To think you should honour us by sitting down in our humble
+farm-kitchen to our humble fare, and you should be treated so unseemly!
+But it is so like my husband not to have told me.  La, will your
+lordship have ale, or does your lordship prefer to take a little
+claret-wine of a morning?  We have it, although it is not on the table.
+Jenny, go this minute and fetch the claret-wine for his lordship."
+
+It seemed that our hostess having got over the first shock of our
+identity, proposed to match our breeding with some of her own.  She
+began to use a high clipping tone that she evidently kept for company,
+and became so assiduous in the attentions she paid us, and so heedful
+of our wants, that we profited vastly by her credulity, if that is the
+right name to apply to it.  Her husband, however, was not so lightly to
+be imposed upon, as he was at pains to show.  At every polite effort
+put forward by his wife, he counteracted it by a wink or a cough, or a
+chuckle, or a snigger.  And he put the handles to our names in such a
+voice of banter as greatly distressed his wife, who continued to
+overpower us with her civilities.  At last, says she:
+
+"Your lordship and your ladyship must really excuse my husband.  He is
+a very good honest man to be sure," here she sank her voice to a
+mysterious whisper, "but he is a little vulgar and low-bred in these
+things, although," with a still lower voice and more mystery, "I would
+not have him hear me say it for the world.  You see he is not come of
+so good a family as I am.  His folk were a little vulgar and low-bred
+too, and people said at the time that for all his farm and his prize
+heifers it was the last thing to be expected that a person like me
+would ever marry him.  Ah, well, I suppose it is always a mistake to
+marry out of one's station, although to be sure no one could have a
+kinder, better husband.  But your lordship and your ladyship follow me,
+do you not?  He almost makes me blush for his manners, that he do."
+
+"My dear madam," says I, "I am sure we both feel for you from the
+bottom of our hearts, and understand the occasion perfectly."
+
+And could there have been a prettier comedy?  First we had had the
+husband apologizing for the wife, and now we had the wife apologizing
+for the husband.  Lord knows whether she allowed us to be what we were
+or not, but she certainly entertained us to a royal breakfast.  Two
+famished people never sat down to a finer meal in this world than the
+one we partook of.  And when we left our honest but wonderfully
+ill-assorted host and hostess, about nine of the clock in the morning
+to continue on our way, we were most handsomely fortified in mind and
+body.
+
+As we passed from the farmyard and struck into the fields the sun was
+showing handsomely, and the thrushes were singing their lusty notes.
+It was as fine a spring morning as the heart could desire.  The
+virginal airs played on our faces; the birds called to one another from
+hedge to tree; the little lambs frisked among the white daisies in the
+meads, as hand-in-hand we took our way again.  We still had no clear
+idea as to whither we were going.  But we were mightily content
+wherever our way might lead.  The sense we had of our liberty was a
+something we had never tasted before.  Had we not cast off the trammels
+of the world?  We could begin life again; and be whom we chose.  We
+were a pair of unknown persons, moving among unknown people in unknown
+places.  Every hour we passed in these solitudes of nature had
+something of the glamour of romance invested in it.  For we did not
+know how our next meal would be come by, or what would be the next
+shelter for our weary heads when nightfall overtook us.  But we cared
+not.  We were in the crisp, free, open air, snuffing the sunshine, and
+trampling across a carpet of flowers over hill and dale, while the
+spring birds sang.
+
+I think we were too desperately happy to talk much.  Cynthia was
+radiant, and as light of foot and heart as the birds that called to us
+from the green hedges.  The words of an appropriate ballad were on her
+lips:
+
+  When Strephon wooed his Chloe dear,
+  All in the springtime of the year.
+
+And I took the infection of her spirits also, I was sensible, ere we
+had walked a mile, of a frank, jovial, devil-may-care lightheartedness,
+not so fresh and buoyant as my little one's perhaps, since I had lived
+a little longer, had therefore had the brightness of my youth more
+overlaid with the rust of the world, and had a greater weight of
+responsibility, more particularly for her, upon my shoulders.  It was
+little I felt it, however.  For suddenly as we walked in these sweet
+fields, an idea was born in my mind that banished everything except the
+thrill of joy it brought.
+
+"My prettiness," says I, "we could not wish for a perfecter wedding
+morning."
+
+"That we could not," says she, so promptly that it struck me she had
+been expecting some such suggestion from me.  Her blushes were
+adorable, it is true, but I believe they were more a matter of instinct
+than the offspring of any particular commotion in her bosom.
+
+"Wilt marry me, pretty one," says I, "at the first church we come to,
+that hath a snug parsonage sitting in honeysuckle beside it?"
+
+"Ay, that I will," says she, cocking up her thin with an archness of
+invitation that was not to be denied.
+
+I suppose it was that the adventures we had already had together had
+given us the most perfect understanding of one another.  There was a
+feeling of proprietorship between us; and had not each given up
+everything in life for the other's sake?
+
+"My dear," says I, feeling that a little sentiment would not come amiss
+this rare spring morning, "I hope you have realized what I have to
+offer you.  I have but my blasted reputation, my destitute condition,
+my debts, my crimes, my prostituted name.  This is all the estate that
+a very humble, constant heart is endowed with."
+
+"They will serve," says Cynthia simply.  "If you were the wickedest man
+in England, and by your own account you are not far removed from that
+state, it would be the same.  It is not for what you be that I like
+you; it is for what I think you to be."
+
+"If it comes to that," says I, "I don't suppose it is me at all you
+care for.  It is not myself you are in love with, nor my virtues, nor
+my vices, nor my hair, my eyes, my clothes, my understanding, nor
+anything that is mine.  You are at that romantical instant of your
+womanhood when you have fallen in love with the name of love.  If
+instead of a man I were a tame white mouse, or a bob-tailed rabbit, or
+a bull-calf you would invest me with all the pretty fancies that are
+running in your head, so that the reflection in your mind would yet be
+the one that you most wished to see.  But a truce to philosophy, let us
+to church."
+
+Cynthia was so evidently of my mind in this last particular that she
+laughed, and resumed the singing of her ballad, as we strode out the
+brisker for our intercourse.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VII
+
+AN INSTRUCTIVE CHAPTER; IN WHICH IT IS SHOWN THAT IF A LITTLE LEARNING
+IS DANGEROUS, MUCH MAY BE CALAMITOUS.
+
+As we took our way through the grass of a most charming flower-coated
+country, there was a kind of rivalry between us as to who should be the
+first to spy a church.  The honour of doing so had not fallen to either
+of us, when Cynthia suddenly darted from the path to pick some white
+violets out of a hedge.
+
+"Why," says she, in the delight of finding them, "we will make
+ourselves a posy apiece to carry with us to church, as it is our
+wedding morning.  Oh, look at the marsh-marigolds at the side of the
+brook there!"
+
+She gave me the violets to hold, with some injunction as to the correct
+manner of holding them, for my handling of them was much too crude to
+please her, and ran away again to fetch the pretty yellow flowers.  All
+sorts of things she gathered for our nosegays, lady-smocks all silver
+white from the meadow, and daisies pied and violets blue, cowslips and
+even a blue-bell.  Nothing would content her but that we should make
+them up into posies there and then; which we did, and bound them round
+with grasses.  But hardly had we finished this pastoral employment and
+continued on our way, when we became the victims of a singular
+diversion.  We passed out of one meadow over a stile into another of a
+similar kind.  But in the second a few cows were browsing.  To these we
+paid no heed, but walked jauntily enough through the pasture,
+apprehending no danger; but by the time we had come perhaps to the
+middle of the field we were startled by a commotion behind us.  Turning
+round to discover whence it arose, we were horrified to find what the
+source of it was.  A young bull with its head grounded and its tail in
+the air was charging down upon us.  A single exclamation and a
+frightened instant of hesitation in which to take our bearings, and
+evolve a mode of escape, was all we had time for.  The bull was coming
+so furiously that it was almost upon us, yet we were stranded full in
+the middle of the field, with no chance whatever of taking refuge in
+flight.  But happily my eye lit on a tree, a sturdy young sapling a
+yard or two off.  Thither I pushed the terrified Cynthia, and literally
+lifted her into one of the lower branches, whilst she, with an
+admirable conception of the case and how to act in it, scrambled with a
+mighty rending of her garments into the boughs above.  I clambered
+after her madly, not a second too soon.  The vigorous snorting young
+bull crashed his horns against the tree with great force.  He was so
+near to my leg that I instinctively felt it to be gashed wide open;
+whilst such a mighty shake did its impact give to our place of refuge
+that it was indeed a mercy we were not both of us thrown on to the
+ground to be gored and trampled on.  But despite our fright we were
+able to cling to the branches; and when at last I was able to get a
+glimpse of my leg, I found to my relief that I had been the victim of
+my imagination.
+
+The bellowing beast made divers onslaughts against the bark of the
+tree, whilst we very fearfully hurried up higher and higher, dreading
+at each stroke of our enemy to feel ourselves flying through the air.
+Providentially, however, by clinging with rare tenacity to our vantage
+place we were able to maintain ourselves in the security of the highest
+branches of all.  And presently our adversary having wreaked a good
+deal of his fury on the offending tree, desisted from an occupation
+that brought him so little profit, and having walked off a yard or two,
+proceeded to regard us morosely.  He seemed prepared to stay in that
+employment too for an indefinite period.  But feeling our position,
+snug as it was and safe for the time being, to be yet highly
+precarious, since the very boughs on which we sat swayed and cracked
+and creaked in a truly alarming fashion, I determined to play a coup,
+ere any melancholy thing should happen which would put it out of my
+power to play one.
+
+Divesting myself with much difficulty of my cloak, although Cynthia
+rather audaciously, considering her own position at the time, lent me a
+hand, I committed that garment to her charge, and proceeded to select
+the most favourable moment for a speedy flight to the nearest hedge.
+Keeping perfectly motionless in our unhappy posture, we presently
+contrived to lull the unsuspecting bull into a state of quiescence
+which I am sure he would have been the first to admit, had he but
+known, the circumstances hardly warranted.  For suddenly taking an
+advantage of his sleeping vigilance, I made a leap off the tree as far
+as possible from the spot on which he stood watching.  It was then a
+case of run devil, run baker.  I'm sure no poor devil ever ran more
+fleetly than I did then; whilst I am equally sure that there never was
+a baker in this world that ran more swiftly than that roaring,
+rampageous bullock.  Luckily for my precious bones I had a fair good
+start of the fellow, and the distance to the hedge was less than a
+hundred yards.  Had it been otherwise this history had never been
+written else, for not for a moment do I think Cynthia would ever have
+troubled to write it; nor between ourselves, do I think she would ever
+have been capable of doing so, even had her ambition jumped in that
+direction.  Running pell-mell, my heart beating holes in my ribs, and
+the clear tones of Mrs. Cynthia issuing from the topmost branches of
+the tree in words of lusty encouragement such as: "Bravo, lad, bravo!
+Mightily done!" I panted to the hedge with the bull ever at my heels,
+and had just the strength to take a second leap at the green brambles,
+and half jump, half scramble through their tenacious barriers, and so
+into the neighbouring field, while the bull, foiled for the second
+time, raged and vented his disappointment from the other side.
+
+Meanwhile little Cynthia, with a delightful intrepidity, also took
+advantage of our enemy.  While Mr. Bull continued to thrust his head at
+the hedge in his mighty rage, and roared forth his threats,
+high-couraged little Cynthia, if you please, very simply and
+dexterously dropped down my cloak out of the tree, neatly dropped down
+after it, and then with the most gallant coolness gathered herself up
+again, the cloak too, and even stayed to recover our late discarded
+posies, which the bull had evidently thought too mean to be worthy of
+his regard.  With these articles tucked away in one hand, she gathered
+her skirts in the other, and away scudded her dainty ankles through the
+grass to the opposite fence.  All this time the bull, foiled and
+nonplussed as he was, continued to fume and rush at the fence that kept
+him from me, but never for an instant did he guess that Cynthia was in
+the act of cheating him too.
+
+Convinced by this that my little one had made good her escape, I could
+not restrain my joy.  I began to jump and clap my hands, and bellow out
+hearty encouragements and applause to her across the field.  This
+behaviour so surprised the bull, that he whisked angrily round to
+discover the cause of it.  He beheld Cynthia in the very height of her
+rapid victorious transit.  Away he dashed, head down, in pursuit of
+her, but she was much too well advanced in her flight to have any fear
+of him whatever.  By the time he had come level with the tree, Cynthia
+was calmly climbing into security over the stile; and when the
+outwitted animal rushed up and thrust his nose over it, she tauntingly,
+if a trifle vain-gloriously, shook the cloak and the posies at him.
+Never, I think, did I see an act more neatly or more bravely performed.
+
+When we came presently together again in the middle of an adjoining
+field, a sort of half-way house from where the bull had respectively
+left us, we were both in high feather and mightily pleased with
+ourselves and one another.
+
+"I declare," says I, "that hunting the fox becomes a tame and foolish
+sport by comparison.  In all my amusements, from cards to
+cudgel-playing, I was never furnished, I'll swear, with so entertaining
+an episode.  Besides, I am vastly proud of your conduct this morning,
+my prettiness.  Come, let us waste not a moment; I am dying to get
+married at once."
+
+The deep crimson in Cynthia's cheeks, that her late eminent exertions
+had induced, lent her even more of an adorable appearance than even I
+had ever observed in her.  And when she tossed me my cloak, and gravely
+gave one of the posies into my hands, I think I never saw the eyes of a
+woman beam with such mirth and high spirits.  Flushed and breathless as
+we were, no two human persons could possibly have been happier.
+Already our haphazard, vagrant life had proved the antidote of that
+weariness of the world, that fatigue of mind and body, the chains of
+polite life had induced.  Already we had come to take a fraternal
+pride, as it were, in one another.  We no longer had to apprehend how
+we should get through the day without perishing of weariness, but
+rather how to pass it without perishing of hunger and violence.  And we
+were revealing such unexpected qualities to ourselves and each other in
+overcoming these calamities that we were falling in love anew with our
+own heroic attributes, and were already prepared to vow to one another
+that we were a monstrous well-assorted pair.  Indeed, the foolish bull
+had given us such a fine conceit of ourselves, that on the score of the
+hour of high-wrought happiness he brought us, he must, I am sure, be
+allowed after all to be our friend.
+
+A good deal of walking through the blossoming fields brought us at last
+on to a good broad highway, and a little later having climbed up a
+hill, we saw from the top of it the thing we were seeking.  A village
+nestled below, and very properly the tallest roof among the collection
+that clustered there together, and by far the most imposing object of
+them all, was a sweet little country church, grey with age, surrounded
+by a low stone wall whose crannies were filled with moss.  Approaching
+it we were overjoyed to find that a pretty little parsonage stood
+beside it, which in every particular matched the quaint and venerable
+appearance of the church itself.  But no sooner had we come to the
+latticed gate of the parson's house than our pleasure fled suddenly
+away.  We had been bold enough in the contemplation of the deed, and
+had even been disposed to treat it airily.  Yet when our fingers fell
+on the parson's latch, we were suddenly confronted with its magnitude.
+We were going to be married!
+
+Now although I had started from town not twelve hours before as cynical
+and desperate a character as any to be found, the humane influences
+that had been brought to bear upon me, even in that short period, had
+not been without their effect.  I began to see things in their true
+relation once again, and even to be sensible of feelings I had so long
+outlived that I almost forgot that I had ever known them.  For
+instance, the emotion of timidity that overtook me at the parson's
+gate, I could have sworn I had never met with before in my life.  The
+uncomfortable sense of the bashful business to follow caused me to
+falter with my hand still at the latch, and to parley with Cynthia.
+
+"I think you had better go first, my prettiness," says I seductively,
+"I don't doubt that you will make a better hand of it than I, and you
+will have a better knowledge of how to talk to the parson.  I am so
+devilish unused to talking to parsons, d'ye see."
+
+"Oh, yes, I quite see that," says Cynthia significantly, "and I also
+see that you are afraid."
+
+"I dare say you might have shot wider of the truth," says I.  "It is
+the first time I have been called on to smell this kind of powder, and
+burn me! if ever I want to be called on again."
+
+"I hope you won't be," says Cynthia.
+
+She herself, I must confess, was as cool as a cucumber.  Her colour was
+a little high perhaps, and the animation in her eyes was, I think, more
+than usually fine.  But take her altogether, she seemed to have all the
+calmness and assurance of an old campaigner, whilst I was wincing and
+starting like a raw recruit.  They say that all women are alike in
+this.  They go to church as complacently as they go to Ranelagh, and
+take as keen an enjoyment from the reading of the marriage service as
+they do in the performance of the Italian dancers at the theatre in
+Covent Garden.  And it is said again that never a man of us all,
+whatever his years, disposition and ideas, comes to this ceremony but
+what he is beset with those same qualms that fastened upon me so
+unexpectedly at the parson's gate.
+
+When we walked up the pretty garden and came to the door of the
+parson's house, it was Cynthia who unhesitatingly knocked upon it.  But
+the operation had to be repeated ere it was replied to.  And when at
+last the door was drawn back from within we were confronted by a stout,
+red-faced woman in a gown of printed calico.  Her sleeves were rolled
+up above the elbow, her cap and apron were awry, and there was a look
+of industrious ill-temper about her that contributed nothing to our
+encouragement.  She stuck her hands on her hips, filled the whole of
+the doorway with her defiant presence, very like the dragon in the
+fable that barred the way to the princess in the enchanted palace, and
+surveyed us in a grimly critical fashion from top to toe.
+
+"Is the parson at home?" says the audacious Cynthia.
+
+"He be!" says the woman in a loud, harsh voice.
+
+"We wish to see him then, if you please," says Cynthia.
+
+"What might your business be?" says the woman, looking us all over with
+a really disconcerting keenness.
+
+"I think we must explain that to the parson himself," says Cynthia.
+
+"Then I think you will not then," says the woman, mighty uncivilly.
+"I've formed my own opinion of you.  You shall not see the master, not
+if I know it.  He's got such a character for softness of heart all
+about the countryside that you vagrant beggars come for miles to get
+what you can out of him.  It's mortal lucky he's got me to look after
+him, or he would have given away the shirt off his back this many a
+year ago."
+
+It was impossible to deny that the good woman's estimate of our station
+and business was shrewd enough.  We were certainly a pair of vagrants,
+if ever there was a pair in the world, and were certainly come to get
+something of the parson that we had no means of requiting him for.  And
+I am sure neither of us, singly or together, would have stood a chance
+of melting that adamantine bosom, since everything we said seemed more
+clearly to reveal our humble not to say destitute condition; indeed we
+had come to the point where this clergyman's uncompromising guardian
+was about to bang the door in our faces, when the parson himself made a
+very welcome intervention.
+
+He came shuffling along the path from some remote part of the vicarage
+garden, in a pair of old down-trodden carpet slippers, wearing over an
+old-fashioned wig a beaver grotesquely battered and green with age.
+His cassock hung in tatters at his heels, and he made about as unkempt
+and disreputable a figure of a clergyman as it was possible to
+conceive.  Besides, he was a very small and insignificant rat of a
+fellow, and had a strange odd way of peering through his horn
+spectacles.  But the moment he began to speak such a pleasant twinkle
+of courtesy came into his ugly countenance--by itself it was plain to
+the point of ugliness, although to this day Cynthia will never allow it
+to be so--and his voice was so wondrous musical, that straightway we
+forgot that he had such a singular appearance, and fell in love with
+him.
+
+"A very good morning to you," says he.  "I hope you are drinking in
+this golden morning that God hath sent us.  Hey, what a thing it is to
+be a human being!"
+
+As he came up and observed Cynthia more closely, he, bowed with a
+wonderful grave dignity, and took off his hat with a flourish that
+became him most inimitably well.  Such courtesy from an appearance so
+discourteous never was seen.
+
+"La, master, what be you at?" says the woman, highly scandalized by so
+polite a demeanour.  "Do you not see these are an arrant pair of
+vagrant beggars?  I must get you more artful spectacles if you will
+stay so close at your book-reading."
+
+"Peace, my good Blodgett," says the parson.  "Do you think I do not
+know breeding when I see it?  It is a rare possession that nothing can
+disguise.  There is sensibility here, in this fair countenance, and
+pride and candour, and the features are almost highly classical in
+their outline.  A little too full in the lips perhaps, yes, I think a
+little too full, or this would have been the countenance of Minerva
+with the animation of Diana in it.  I must remind you again, my good
+Blodgett, that appearances are apt to deceive; _non semper ea sunt quae
+videntur_, as the excellent Phaedrus has so wisely said.  You will do me
+the honour, I hope, my dear young lady, of entering my house and
+partaking of a glass of my gooseberry-wine and of eating a piece of
+Banbury cake.  And you, sir, also, I hope and trust; although in your
+case the credentials you bear in your countenance are nothing like so
+noteworthy.  But as Plautus very pertinently asks, _non soles respicere
+te_, to look at oneself ere one abuses another, the less said the
+sooner we shall mend it, _tulum silentii praemium_.  Come this way, I
+beg you."
+
+During this peroration poor Blodgett wrung her hands and shook her
+head, and kept repeating some such mystical phrase as:
+
+"He is off at the top again!  He is off at the top again!"
+
+However, this strange old parson, all unconscious of the distress of
+mind he was occasioning his handmaid or housekeeper, or whatever she
+might call herself, flowed on and on in his extraordinary monologue,
+and led us indoors into a spacious room full of a remarkable disorder
+of books, which doubtless composed his library.  Books open and shut,
+piled up and overlaid, were on the table, and under the table, on the
+chairs, and on the floor.  Any square inch of space wherein a book
+might insinuate itself, there was a book to be found.  Dusty,
+black-letter, grimy Aldine, foxed Elzevir, any folio, quarto, or
+octavo, providing it was old enough and dirty enough, was assembled
+there.  Those that lay open seemed to be annotated and scored under,
+and embellished with marginal notes in a delicate minute handwriting,
+on every page.  And among all these tomes there was never a one that
+was in a new dress, or done in a reasonable easy print, nor one written
+by a reasonably modern author.  To observe the _Paradise Lost_, with
+the imprint of Jacob Tonson upon it, was to be startled with that sense
+of gratified surprise that one would experience at unexpectedly meeting
+with a personal friend in a foreign country.
+
+The parson was an odd match to his books.  His conversation was as
+musty, learned and interminable as themselves.  He talked of all topics
+but those that could have been of the least interest to anybody.  He
+never thought to ask who we were, or what business had brought us
+thither, but having lured us into his library, he very vigorously began
+to engage us with matters at least a thousand years old.  We were very
+polite at first, and nodded our heads in deep interest at the mention
+of the first Punic war, and kept saying, "Ah, to be sure!" and
+inserting "yes" and "oh yes" whenever we found half a chance to get in
+so much in the middle of some animadversions he thought fit to make on
+the behaviour of the Carthaginians generally.  But when proceeding to
+move with an air of great mystery and consequence to topics of the most
+inconsequent character, and presently to prove to us that in his
+opinion the battle of Cannae, or it may have been Marathon, or the siege
+of Troy for aught we knew or cared, was not so important and decisive
+an affair as the historians of these times had represented, our
+observance of a polite interest showed signs of giving out.
+
+We might shuffle, however, and shift our stations, and cough, and take
+our weight off our right leg and lean it on our left, but it never made
+one bit of difference to this terrible monologue.  The old parson, with
+his eyes half closed and his hands spread forth, poured out the finest
+prose in his mellifluous voice, with every period rounded to such a
+perfection that had he been a historian and his speech a printed page
+the world could never have sufficiently admired his attainments.  And
+every emphasis and quantity seemed so indubitably exact in the
+classical tongues he so freely quoted, as must have made him the envy
+of pedagogues and the paragon among them all.  And all this time we
+were striving to maintain our well-bred interest as best we might, and
+inwardly cursed Rome and Greece and the whole race of poets, historians
+and soldiers that ever sprang from them.
+
+His mind was filled with a vast deal of knowledge of a recondite sort.
+It could have been of no possible service to anybody, least of all to
+himself.  Yet he moved lightly and easily from one antediluvian topic
+to others more antediluvian still.  He was armed with a great array of
+theories of no moment at all, and a matchless sheaf of facts that
+proved and disproved and proved them over again.  How weary we became!
+How we fidgeted and looked at one another in our despair, for he grew
+more minute as he proceeded, and called up, extempore, authority upon
+authority to show that Lais was a woman of virtue, and that Virgil did
+not write his own works.  He split straws with Aristotle, and picked
+holes in his Ethics.  He said that Cicero was a windbag, and that Plato
+was a dunce.  He said that Herodotus was loose in his facts, and no
+more worthy of credence than Plutarch, and that Plutarch was not a whit
+better than Herodotus neither.  He said that Homer was the biggest
+impostor in history.  He had nothing to do with the _Iliad_, whilst as
+for the _Odyssey_, he had long come at the truth that it was by a
+female hand, most probably one of the Hesperides, though to be sure he
+had not quite satisfied himself as to which, just as the plays of the
+poet Shakespeare would one day be allowed to be the handiwork of Lord
+Bacon, the eminent lawyer and philosopher; and again, as the world,
+purblind as it was, would one day discover that Mr. Fielding's
+so-called novel of _Joseph Andrews_ had sprung from the fertile brain
+of Mr. Colley Gibber.  Indeed I was so fearful lest he should take
+steps to disprove my grandfather's claims to have produced his
+celebrated Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_, that I became
+quite desperate, and determined to put a stop to the unceasing current
+of his talk, even at the risk of making a hole in my good manners.
+Having reached a point in his discourse wherein he showed that Caesar
+did not cross the Rubicon, I slapped my hand on the table with a vigour
+that knocked down half-a-score of tomes and startled everything and
+everybody but the speaker himself; and, says I, at the top of my
+heartiest voice:
+
+"I quite agree with you there, sir; I do indeed."
+
+"I presume, sir," says the parson, "you know the authorities there are
+against us, and what adversaries of weight, Caesar himself, Suetonius,
+and Plutarch, to name only three, that we have to face."
+
+"I care not if there are three thousand," says I valiantly, "in this
+matter I am entirely of your mind."
+
+The parson, whose simplicity was as great as his learning, grasped my
+hand with the utmost fervour.
+
+"My dear sir," says he, "I can never sufficiently extol your spirit.
+It is excellently said, sir, excellently said.  Would that there were
+more persons like you in the world.  I can but offer you some
+gooseberry-wine and a piece of Banbury cake, but I am sure you are very
+welcome.  I do declare that Blodgett has forgotten them; I will go and
+see about them myself."
+
+At last in the very height of our sufferings we obtained in this truly
+unexpected, not to say whimsical fashion, a brief instant of relief.
+It was plain that this learned wight was possessed of a mind of the
+most singular simplicity and inconsequence.  Everything that was told
+him he took for gospel.  He had the faith of a child.  Everything that
+had the least interest for himself he felt that all men were
+languishing to hear of.  With him evidently to think was to act; he was
+the slave of his own whims; no sooner did he mention a thing than he
+went straightway and performed it.
+
+The prospects of being united in the bonds of wedlock by so
+extraordinary a gentleman were indeed remote; but armed with the
+knowledge of his character we had already gained, we concluded that if
+we beat about the bush at all, he would be quite content for his own
+part to detain us a "month of Sundays" in his library, while he
+unfolded his facts and propounded his theories.  On his own initiative
+he would not be in the least likely to surrender a single moment to our
+affairs.  We must be bold and decisive, and grapple firmly with him.
+
+Therefore when the good parson returned, preceding the umbrageous
+Blodgett, who bore the Banbury cakes and the gooseberry-wine on a tray,
+before he had the chance to open his mouth to take up his discourse,
+says I, in a truly dramatic manner:
+
+"If it pleases you, sir, we are here, this lady and I, to ask you to
+marry us."
+
+"Marry you," says he, without a moment's reflection.  "I shall be
+delighted.  Blodgett, have the goodness to set down the tray on the top
+of the _De Imitatione_ there and go and find the clerk, and tell him to
+open the church.  And tut, tut! my good woman, how often must I beseech
+you not to dust my books with your sacrilegious apron."
+
+While Mrs. Blodgett flounced out to find the clerk, and the good parson
+in the height of his courtesy poured out the gooseberry-wine and served
+us with it, Cynthia and I fell to talking at the top of our voices
+about nothing at all, since we were certain that as soon as the parson
+got an opportunity he would furnish us with a criticism of Strabo's
+geographies, which, however damaging to that worthy ancient, would be
+even more so to us; or prove that it was a vulgar error to speak of
+Castor as the twin of Pollux; and proceed to demonstrate that Achilles
+was vulnerable in other places than his heel.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER VIII
+
+WE GET US TO CHURCH
+
+By the time the parson had served us solemnly with our refection, I
+deemed it proper to give him some relation of our circumstances.  I was
+emboldened to do so because his simple, honest character made him easy
+to talk to; it was also essential that he should be let some little way
+into the state of our affairs, since we had but the sum of twelvepence
+halfpenny with which to requite him for his services and to vail the
+clerk.  And again I talked to him the more readily because while he was
+engaged with these matters, he was not so likely to revert to those
+that concerned us less.
+
+He received the confessions of our bankrupt condition with a breadth of
+generosity that was truly noble in its magnitude.
+
+"I am grieved that you should have thought fit to name that matter,"
+says he.  "What a world it is for pounds, shillings, and pence, to be
+sure!  One cannot come into it, nor go out of it, nor even enter into a
+highly natural and commendable contract for its advantage, but what
+somebody has to be feed.  And I blush to say that that somebody is
+generally some old rogue of a parson; but I hope, sir, you agree with
+Tully when he says----"
+
+"Yes, sir," says I hastily, "I quite agree with Tully, I have ever been
+of Tully's opinion.  And, sir, let me say that we are overcome with
+your generosity.  But there is yet another matter that irks us; we have
+no ring by which we can be wed into matrimony."
+
+"An even more trivial thing," says the parson, "the good Blodgett,
+honest widow that she is, shall lend you hers."
+
+It was bravely resolved of the parson, but I dare swear we both
+shuddered at the same instant, when we conceived of the courage
+required to put it into practice.  To think of us "vagrant beggars"
+summoning that redoubtable dragon to deliver up her marriage ring!  It
+would be perilously like commanding an ogre to cut off his own head.
+I'll vow that Cynthia trembled a little; whilst she goes even farther
+and says I grew as pale as death.
+
+"Do you think, sir," said Cynthia fearfully, "that good Mrs. Blodgett
+will be so kind?"
+
+"She will be delighted, my dear madam," says the parson.  "She will be
+delighted!"
+
+We were still wrestling with our honest doubts on the score of Mrs.
+Blodgett's delight, when lo and behold! that formidable fair burst into
+the room, redder in the face than ever, for she was out of breath.  She
+had seen the clerk, and he had gone that minute to open the door of the
+church.  And she conveyed this piece of news in such a brisk and
+important tone as seemed a good deal out of keeping with her severity
+of character.  She had an air of interest which we had certainly not
+expected her to betray in our humble affairs.  And when the parson
+without a word of preface had the audacity to prefer his proposal in
+regard to the ring she bore on her finger, an audacity that caused us
+both to hold our breaths, since we were fully persuaded that Blodgett
+would at least break into a most violent diatribe against the impudence
+of some people, drawing an affecting parallel with the late departed
+saint whose relict she was, and how wild horses should not tear her and
+this venerable sanctified token of their marital harmony apart, to our
+surprise her reply was mercifully brief.
+
+"Humph!" says she.  Having glanced at us for a very embarrassing
+period, during which time a good deal of perplexity distorted her harsh
+features, says she: "Well, I never did!  Is it a runaway?"
+
+"You can take it at that," says I.
+
+A very singular change was being wrought in this stern matron.  Where
+is the female bosom that can resist a wedding, or a touch of the
+romantical?  Not even that of the Spartan Blodgett.  The more she
+pondered the matter in hand the less terrible she became.  She began to
+ask a dozen questions of us in a greatly mollified voice.  Nay, the
+tone she used to Cynthia might even be called indulgent.
+
+"Well," says she, "seeing as how it is an emergency, you shall have my
+ring this once, but it goes against my conscience, I am sure.  You are
+doing a very wicked thing, young woman.  To think of a little chit like
+you running away to get married!  I am sure I ought not to countenance
+it.  Oh, what will your mother say?"
+
+"I have not a mother," says Cynthia, putting her hands to her eyes, and
+smiling at me through her fingers.
+
+This admission seemed considerably to ease the mind of Mrs. Blodgett,
+and forthwith she began wrestling with the wedding-ring on her fat
+finger.  In the meantime her master was very fortunately engrossed in
+another matter, and we were therefore spared his comments.
+
+It seemed that Blodgett had brought him that day's _London Gazette_,
+which had been left by the coach at the village alehouse.  It was the
+newspaper that claimed the parson's attention while his housekeeper
+struggled with her wedding-ring.  I vow it was as whimsical a sight as
+ever was seen to witness the good lady growing redder and redder in her
+face, and puffing, grunting, and twisting her countenance into the most
+fantastical shapes, while she freely "dratted the thing," and called
+down a murrain upon it.  But strive as she might, the precious ring
+still clung faithfully to her finger.  Presently Cynthia was fain to
+take a hand at hauling it off, but she fared not a whit better than
+Mrs. Blodgett.  Whereon I was called on, and after several very natural
+and becoming protestations on my part as to my inability and so forth,
+even I was pressed into the service.  I tugged and hauled away with
+what gravity I might, but never an inch would that wretched ring budge.
+In the height of this deadlock, I was seized with a brilliant expedient.
+
+"One of the rings round the curtain-pole," says I.  "Surely one of them
+will do most admirably well, and at least there will be no difficulty
+about getting it off, nor on neither."
+
+Now when I proffered this suggestion Mrs. Cynthia blushed such a colour
+and looked so ill at ease, that I half began to doubt whether this idea
+was so fine after all.  And indeed, Blodgett took me up warmly.
+
+"Wedded in a curtain-ring indeed!" says she.  "I'facks, that she never
+shall be.  Who ever heard of such a thing!  Has the man no decency!
+Rather than that, my dear, I will run to neighbour Hodge's and borrow
+hers.  As she's a thin body it should slip off easy."
+
+There and then the scandalized Blodgett was as good as her word.
+Favouring me with a glance of such scorn and contempt that a person
+more impressionable would have been rooted to the spot, she flounced
+out of the room all in a moment, and directly afterwards passed by the
+library window, running quite excitedly down the garden path.  Surely a
+whole chapter of dissertation might be written on the metamorphosis of
+Mrs. Blodgett.  From openly deriding Cynthia she had passed to an
+almost motherly tenderness towards her.  She had become as concerned
+for her as though she had been her own daughter.  She was no longer
+"wench," or "vagrant beggar," nay nor even "young woman," but just "my
+dear."  And why was this?  Do you think it was because she had suddenly
+lighted on some latent virtues in my little madam, some strain of moral
+loveliness, some unexpected beauty in her mind and heart?  I am sure I
+crave the pardon of her ladyship, but it was devil a one of these
+things that had such a magic effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  It was simply
+that she had run away to get married, and that this was her wedding
+morning.  Oh, woman, woman! where is the daughter among you that can
+resist the blandishments of Hymen?
+
+While this was going forward, and we were congratulating ourselves in
+secret on the most fortunate course this portentous affair was like to
+take, an incident happened that shook me dreadfully, and recalled to my
+mind much more sharply than I cared, the kind of fortune I was about to
+endow my bride with.  For the time being I had forgotten the colour of
+my reputation, the character of my past, and my black prospects for the
+future, in the cheerful topsy-turvy madness of the last twelve hours.
+But now all of a sudden, in the least expected fashion, I was reminded
+as to who I was, and what I was.  The parson, who all the time had been
+deeply involved in his news-sheet, suddenly cast it down, uttered a
+loud exclamation, and with tears in his honest eyes began striding down
+in his agitation, and knocked down many an unoffending book.
+
+"_O tempera!  O mores!_" says he, "In what degenerate days do we live!
+To think that this should be the grandson of such a grandsire!  No; I
+cannot believe it of him; nay, I will not believe it of him."
+
+You may guess that as there was a grandfather in the case I pricked up
+my ears at once, and on looking at the newspaper saw that which
+confirmed my premonition.  There was a paragraph in the column of
+"Newest Intelligence" that ran in this wise:
+
+"On Tuesday evening in the near neighbourhood of divers well-known
+coffee-and-chocolate-houses in Saint James's Street, Piccadilly, was
+found the body of Mr. Richard Burdock, of His Majesty's 4th Regiment of
+Horse Guards.  The unfortunate gentleman had been done to death by a
+sword-wound in the upper part of the chest.  Precisely in what manner
+the deceased came by his end is not at present known, but we are
+informed that on the following day an information was laid against the
+Earl of Tiverton, a nobleman whose name has been most unhappily
+notorious of late.  A warrant was at once procured for the arrest of
+Lord Tiverton, and on an attempt being made to put it in force at his
+lordship's residence later in the day, a most desperate struggle
+ensued, and his lordship with the assistance of his household succeeded
+in effecting, for the time being, his escape.  We learn, however, that
+the celebrated Mr. John Jeremy of Bow Street has the matter in hand;
+that Mr. Jeremy with his world-famed acumen is in possession of a clue
+as to Lord Tiverton's whereabouts; that Mr. Jeremy is already actively
+following up the same, and that presently an event may transpire that
+shall set all the town by the ears."
+
+I directed Cynthia's attention to this account, and she was so startled
+by it that she changed colour, and offered so many visible evidences of
+her distress, that I feared she would have excited the suspicions of
+the parson, yet after all that must have been an impossible feat, for I
+am sure the honest parson was a man so utterly without guile, that he
+was incapable of harbouring any sort of suspicion against a
+fellow-creature.  Besides he was still fully occupied in lamenting the
+low repute into which our name had fallen, with a grief so genuine that
+I did not know whether to be touched or amused by it.
+
+However, I could not pay much heed to the parson at that minute, being
+deeply concerned for little Cynthia.  I began to fear that I had done
+an ill-considered thing in allowing her to see the news-sheet.  I had
+never tried to find out how far she was acquainted with my history of
+the past few years--my gaming, duels, intrigues and debts.  That she
+must have known of it to some extent was certain.  She had heard of
+them from my own lips in a haphazard sort of way; and again, they were
+too well known to be suppressed, as witness the conduct of her father
+in the matter of my suit.  At his hands, and those of my friends, and
+of my rival too, they would certainly lose nothing of their magnitude.
+Whatever she had heard of me, she had been able to condone.  But now
+confronted with a more circumstantial charge against me, clothed in all
+the authority of black and white, a charge of the most terrible
+character that can be preferred against any person, it came on her with
+a cruel force that almost crushed her down.  She stood faltering, with
+the newspaper still clutched in her hands; her lips trembled, and the
+tears gathered slowly in her eyes.
+
+"I don't believe it," said she, in a low, shaking voice.
+
+She held out her hand, and I, despite the presence of the parson, took
+it to my lips with the same passion with which she had extended it to
+me.  If a man in the midst of all the contumely and detraction of the
+world, can yet get one woman to believe in him, it is enough!
+
+Meantime the parson, whatever he may have thought of our behaviour, not
+that it is altogether certain that he happened to witness it, was so
+strangely ingenuous that he took my little one's distress to spring
+from the same source as his own.  He laid it all to that precious
+Commentary on the _Analects of Confucius_!
+
+"Your grief does you honour, my dear madam, allow me to say," says he,
+wiping the memorials of his own from his red eyes.  "It honours you
+vastly.  It is something in this benighted age to know that the
+reverence for polite letters has not yet died out amongst us.  And I,
+on my part, will never be persuaded that the descendant of so noble and
+learned a gentleman, whatever the errors of his youth, could fall into
+an act of such a hideous kind.  I blame the publick press too for
+disseminating such a story.  If it is false, as I believe it to be, oh,
+the pity of it!  But if it should be true, the pity is the greater.
+With your permission, I will destroy this newspaper, lest this
+scandalous thing it contains should come under the eye of Blodgett, and
+she should spread it amongst the village folk."
+
+I protest with all my settled views on life, and my arbitrary way of
+looking at things, I did not know whether to burst out into a shout of
+laughter, or fall a-weeping too, for, ecod! there was an affecting side
+to the affair when our simple old parson tore up the offending
+newspaper in a hundred pieces, all to preserve the fair name of that
+philosopher who had perished of the gout a full thirty years ago.
+
+Cynthia was so greatly shaken, that to defend her from his observation
+I was even moved to indulge in the parson's fondness for the dead
+languages and abstruse theories.  However, I had just induced him to
+quarrel with Cicero on the strength of something that Cicero ought to
+have said and yet had not said at all, when Blodgett returned, bearing
+the ring.
+
+That redoubtable lady observed Cynthia's distress at once, but did not
+put the same construction on it that her master had.
+
+"Very natural to be sure," says she.  "Weddings are strange, exciting
+things, and apt to upset the strongest of us.  I remember the first
+time I went through the ceremony.  I was mortal worried by it."
+
+Mrs. Blodgett having by this time fully entered into the affair, took
+Cynthia in hand.  She insisted that Cynthia should go with her
+upstairs, "to tidy herself like," and be accomplished generally in a
+manner more befitting the occasion.  Indeed so enthusiastic had the
+housekeeper become about it that she even proposed to search for some
+of her own discarded nuptial garments, which she ventured to say with a
+bit of fettling and contriving, a pleat here and a tuck there, Cynthia
+after all might not lack for a wedding-gown.  The conceit of a young
+lady who a week ago had been of the first fashion, appearing as a bride
+in a gown that had once done duty for the admirable Blodgett, convulsed
+me with laughter.  And this behaviour was heightened rather than
+depressed when I recollected that such an attire would consort very
+aptly with the hobnailed appearance of the bridegroom.
+
+During the absence of the ladies upstairs, the parson had the
+forethought to give me a two-shilling-bit, for the purpose of feeing
+the clerk.  I was so struck by this further instance of his generous
+courtesy, that I asked the name of my benefactor, for I swore that I
+would not rest content until I had repaid him.  It seemed that this
+obscure country clergyman bore the name of Scriven.  It is a name as
+far as I can make out, that has not yet come to any eminence in letters
+or the humane arts; nor has it attained to any signal preferment in
+that Church of which it is so true an ornament.  His great learning,
+his simple ingenuous character, his notable generosity, his tenderness
+of heart, his implicit courtesy have never advanced him one step, so
+far as I can gather, in the world's opinion.  For aught I know he is
+still the country parson on his forty pounds or so a year, whilst many
+a sleek old worldling with half of his learning and a tithe of his
+humanity is my lord Bishop riding by in his gilt coach with footmen
+behind it, the recipient of a hundred times more kudos and emolument.
+
+When Cynthia came down again she looked wonderfully spic and span.  Her
+hair had been done into a becoming rustic mode, most admirably neat,
+and showed off its qualities of abundance, gloss and curliness to true
+advantage.  She had not thought fit to call in the aid of Mrs.
+Blodgett's gown it is true, but her own became her as well as another,
+and happily at the same time afforded no index to her degree.  It was a
+plain and simple country dress, sober in hue and severe in its style.
+Yet it fell so exactly into the exquisite lines of her shape, that she
+and the dress became one as it were; and if there was a woman's tailor
+who could have exhibited a lovely figure more artfully than that, she
+must have been good Mrs. Nature herself.  Cynthia, for all her country
+clothes, looked so sweet, arch and dainty too, so much the gentlewoman
+without the affectations that go with _ton_ and "fine," that by their
+absence the breeding that lurked in every inch of her, the carriage of
+her person, slender and small as it was, the set of her head, and the
+cast of her features became more apparent.
+
+These evidences had even an effect on Mrs. Blodgett.  She was mightily
+pleased with her _protegee_.
+
+"I don't know who _you_ are, young man," says she, "and I won't say all
+that's in my mind about you, but I hope you know that you are taking a
+real born lady to wife.  Such white hands I never did see, and such
+pretty ways, saving her presence, as she 'ave too.  You are not a
+quarter good enough, young man, for the likes of her, and just keep
+that in your mind and live up to it.  But I gravely misdoubt me as to
+whether you will, for take you all round you are about as disreppitable
+and low a fellow as ever I saw.  To think that such as you should have
+lured the pretty lamb from her father's house.  But as I've told her,
+it is not yet too late for her to go back again."
+
+Although neither Cynthia nor I was greatly inconvenienced by this crude
+statement of the case, except in the matter of the smiles we strove in
+vain to control, the parson, good, honest man, was not a little
+disconcerted by it.
+
+"Tut, tut!" says he, "my good Blodgett, your tongue runs too fast.
+However excellent the motives may be that inspire you, I could wish you
+had a somewhat less direct manner of expressing them.  I really cannot
+have you intervene between plighted lovers, at the very steps of the
+altar.  And whatever the personality of our young lady, if truth
+compels us to admit that our young gentleman is scarcely so fortunate
+in his physical semblance, I am sure he hath a very nice mind."
+
+With these panegyrics we ultimately got us to church.  Now it is not to
+be expected, I hope, that a man should describe his own nuptials.  If
+there are three acts in his life on which he is the least qualified to
+speak, are not those his birth, his marriage, and his burial?  For in
+not one of them can he testify with any certainty as to whether he went
+through them on his heels or his head.  Besides, I am one who holds
+that there should be a becoming reticence in these things.
+
+I can recall perhaps an empty, musty-smelling church, and the clerk, a
+solemn, unctuous man, with a graveyard cough.  Some little wind of the
+affair had evidently got abroad in the village, owing to the exertions
+of Mrs. Blodgett in quest of the wedding-ring.  Thus the ceremony was
+not so entirely private as we could have wished.  A few women in
+aprons, and some with babes in their arms kept the porch and the
+immediate interior of the church.  It seemed that they did not venture
+to go further owing to their awe of the clerk.  Various ragamuffin
+children of tender years played hide-and-seek round the gravestones and
+their mothers' gowns.  When however the wedding party came along in a
+kind of little procession, they desisted for a minute, and having
+safely seen the parson precede us into the sacred edifice, they put out
+their tongues at Cynthia and myself, and made several references of a
+nature uncomplimentary to us couched in the form of rustic wit.
+
+Mrs. Blodgett had undertaken the office of chief bridesmaid.  She would
+have undertaken that of groomsman too, had I given her the least
+encouragement.  She made an impressive figure at the altar rails, clad
+in a severe black hood; whilst she was quite conscious of her
+conspicuous position, and stood calm and erect in the dignity of her
+infinite experience.  What whispered but animated counsel she proffered
+to Cynthia during the brief period in which we waited for the parson to
+emerge from the vestry, I know not, but I would have given a good deal
+to have been a party to it, for I am sure that if the look on Mrs.
+Cynthia's countenance was any index to its character, it would well
+have been worth setting down in this place.
+
+At the last moment when the tension of our minds was very great, the
+clerk became obstreperous.  He asked parson Scriven in a significant
+undertone for the special licence that was to marry us, as the banns
+had not been put up and cried in church.  Of course we were not
+furnished with anything of the kind.
+
+Parson Scriven, as became his amiable casual character, was not at all
+disconcerted by such an informality.
+
+"Pooh and faugh!" says he.  "Banns and licence, John, stuff and
+nonsense!  Why should an honest couple be hedged about in this way?  If
+they have no licence, upon my soul I will marry them without."
+
+The clerk was scandalized.  The parson, however, would hear no
+argument.  He was not the person to allow his head to interfere with
+the dictates of his heart.
+
+"Parson's main obstinate," said the clerk, scratching his head.  "And I
+do believe he cares no more for law an' regulation than the gypsies on
+the common.  It won't be legal, this won't, but bless you what'll
+parson care!"
+
+So long as we could get this awkward business over we cared as little
+for law and regulation as this singular old clergyman.  Therefore, when
+he disdained the opinions of the clerk, and reiterated his intention to
+marry us, we breathed again.
+
+At last all was ready, and the parson came out of the vestry with his
+book and his gown, and smiled upon us with benevolent self-possession.
+We strung ourselves for the great ordeal.  Yet as a preliminary we were
+confronted with one that we found vastly the more awkward of the two,
+and one that we had not anticipated either.  How we both came to
+overlook it, I know not, unless the palpitation that our minds were in
+was the secret of it.  It had never occurred to us that the parson
+could not marry us unless he was informed of our names.  But when he
+made that very obvious and natural stipulation it came upon us as a
+thunderbolt.  What a pair of arrant fools we were, not to have thought
+of that contingency, and to have provided for it!
+
+When the parson bluntly demanded this of us, we stood staring
+open-mouthed at one another, a pair of zanies.  I pursued a bold
+course, however.  To give our own was out of the question in that
+public place, and more particularly as the newspaper had just
+acquainted the reverend gentleman of my black history.  Therefore, says
+I, with an impudent assurance:
+
+"John Smith and Jane Jones."
+
+"How truly national!" says the officiating clergyman in a rapture of
+sentiment.  "How exquisitely English are these names, to be sure!"
+
+I durst not look at my poor little Cynthia.  But somehow I felt that
+she was trembling and deadly pale, and ready to sink to the ground
+under this humiliation to her native delicacy.  I fear that I was of a
+much coarser grain.  I had suffered too much from the world already to
+be easily bowed with a sense of shame.  "Needs must when the devil
+drives," was a good enough motto for me.  We were in a pretty tight
+corner, and if we ever came out of it at all, we must expect to lose a
+little of our tender skins in doing so.
+
+My little one was most monstrous brave.  Having recovered the
+possession of herself, she set her teeth and went through the thing
+gallantly.  I'faith she was of a good mettle.  In spite of Mrs.
+Blodgett's opinion of my worth, my little miss answered the
+all-important query in such a clear affirmative voice as never was
+heard, and entered into vows of a sort that argued some degree of
+rashness on her part.  Even at the time I was inclined to raise a doubt
+of her ability to be the equal of them.  Nor hath aught subsequently
+transpired to cause me to forego this estimate of the matter.  When we
+had been duly put through these trials, we were led into the vestry to
+write our names in the marriage register.
+
+"Oh, Jack," whispers Cynthia, as we went, "whatever shall we do?  I am
+sure it cannot be legal."
+
+"I am sure I don't know," says I.  "What a folly of mine not to have
+thought of it sooner!"
+
+"It was my place to think of it," says Cynthia.  "The folly is mine."
+
+"No, not at all," says I.  "What have you to do with it, a chit as you
+are?  The folly is mine, I tell you."
+
+"Then I tell you it's not," says Cynthia flatly, and stamping her
+petulant shoe on the very steps of the altar.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER IX
+
+WE GO UPON OUR WEDDING TOUR
+
+I am sure it is expected of me to improve this occasion with a few sage
+remarks, for could anything have been more ominous to the prosperity of
+our married life?  But I hope I have too much chivalry in me to say to
+what extent this evil presage has been borne out since, and I dare Mrs.
+Cynthia to do so.  _Revenons a nos moutons_, a phrase I think that
+always looks better in French.  We got through all these important
+matters at last, even to the forging of the honoured names of Jane
+Jones and John Smith, or Jane Smith and John Jones, I forget precisely
+which, in the parish register.  Then having vailed the clerk with the
+parson's two-shilling-bit, and having thanked and bid farewell to our
+kind benefactors, we moved out of the church amid the acclamation of
+the whole female and juvenile population of the village, and got us
+with some speed upon our wedding-tour.
+
+Now we had made about half-a-mile along the highway at a round pace,
+when Cynthia to her great concern discovered that she had carried away
+upon her finger the ring that Mrs. Blodgett had borrowed from a
+neighbour.
+
+"Oh, this will never do," says she.  "We can never rob such kind honest
+people."
+
+"I suppose we cannot," says I, "but the value of that ring will come in
+wonderfully apt this evening when we desire a lodging for our
+weariness."
+
+"Oh, Jack, how can you!" says she.  "We must take it back at once."
+
+And willy-nilly with never another word my pretty one, with a fine
+indignant colour in her face, turned about and set her nose straight
+back to the parson's door.  And taking a material view of the matter,
+honesty was just as good a policy in this case as any other, for when
+we had come to the parson and Cynthia had got her mission off her lips
+and the ring off her finger, all in due time, the kind man was so
+pleased by our worthy behaviour, that says he to Mrs. Blodgett: "There,
+there, what did I say?  I knew you judged them too harshly," and
+straightway invited us to an excellent repast of potherbs and boiled
+mutton, that even then was smoking on the table.
+
+It was about two o'clock in the afternoon when we set out again on our
+travels.  We took the highway, and followed it mile upon mile, through
+pretty hamlets, past inviting inns, lush green meadows, and here and
+there a shady little copse.  Up hill and down dale we went, and always
+in something of a joyful spirit, for no two people could be more happy
+in their freedom, or more careless of what might befall.  The moment
+was enough for us.  We were sound in limb and spirit, stout of heart,
+too, I ween, and my little wife had the sum of twelvepence half penny
+in her pocket.  An avenging law was doubtless pursuing me, and a stern
+parent was most probably pursuing her, but we were so taken up with one
+another that we could think only of our present happiness.  Avaunt dull
+care, it was our wedding journey.
+
+Who could help being happy in the soft airs of the spring afternoon?
+They were so generous, and the sun was so mild and pleasant, that we
+discarded our cloaks, and I bore them both over my arm.  But we were
+not allowed to remain in this paradise very long without being rudely
+reminded of its insecurity.  After awhile, growing hot with our
+exertions and a little weary also, we began to desire a cool shady
+place in which to rest.  A hill more than usually steep lay before us,
+and having toiled to the top, at considerably less of a pace than the
+one at which we had started, found there the spot we were in need of.
+Seating ourselves under a tree covered with snowy blossom we proceeded
+to take our earned repose.  And we had been in this occupation perhaps
+five minutes or so, when our attention was directed to the sound of
+wheels at the foot of the hill we had just overcome.  A pair-horse
+chaise was coming up at a round pace.  It was occupied by two persons,
+and was so striking in colour and design that it was in the distance
+likely to be recognized sooner than the people in it.  This proved to
+be the case.  No sooner had it come into view than Cynthia clutched at
+my arm in a quick, frightened manner.
+
+"Look, look!" says she.  "Oh, what shall we do?  'Tis papa's curricle
+coming up the hill, and on my life, it is papa within it."
+
+I needed no second exhortation.  There was an instant of time in which
+we both looked wildly about us, backwards and forwards, only to
+discover that it was impossible to get away from our present place
+without being caught in the act of doing so.  A hedge was at our back,
+another was on the opposite side of the way, and in front stretched the
+long level surface of the road.  Yet there was just one chance of our
+passing unnoticed, though heaven knows a precarious and remote one!
+There was a slight declivity running under the hedge at our backs.  It
+was a kind of dry ditch, but the bed of it was so shallow that it could
+hardly be dignified by the name of ditch at all.  I commanded Cynthia
+to lie perfectly flat in this, face downwards, and to squeeze herself
+as far into the earth as she could get, whilst I did the same, though
+in regard to the last particular I fear my precept was higher than my
+resolution.  Meantime the chaise came grinding and grunting up the
+hill, at the same smart pace, while we lay in our ridiculously
+inadequate hiding-place, perfectly convinced in our own minds that we
+must be discovered.  What an agony of suspense we lay in, stretched
+full length, Cynthia's head pressed firmly against my heel, and our
+noses nestling in the dry earth!  We durst hardly breathe as the
+carriage came nearer and nearer.
+
+How it was its occupants failed to see us I cannot understand, for we
+could have been scarcely shielded at all from their observation.  But
+sure enough the curricle went past us, and as it did so we could even
+detect the familiar voices issuing out of it, above the noise of the
+horses and the vehicle.  One belonged to my lord the Duke, Mrs.
+Cynthia's papa, a terribly irascible loud-toned voice to be sure;
+whilst the other, smooth, polished and elegant, was that of Mr.
+Humphrey Waring.
+
+When at last they had fairly passed us by at a deuce of a rattle, we
+were able to sit up from our tight positions and show our noses again.
+We gazed at one another solemnly, and then broke into a peal of
+laughter apiece.
+
+"Phew!" says I, "it was as bad a two minutes as ever I've had.  I
+thought papa sounded very angry too."
+
+"Poor papa!" says Cynthia, with a very odd mingling of sorrow and mirth
+in her face.  "I wouldn't have given much for you, sir, had he spied
+us; and for that matter I would have given even less for myself."
+
+"I suppose he is in full pursuit of us?" says I.
+
+"There cannot be a doubt of it," says his daughter.  "And if I know
+anything of his Grace, he'll hardly sleep in his bed again until he
+hath tracked us down.  He's a terrible implacable man when he's
+aroused.  He'll be hunting us night and day, and he'll spend his last
+penny sooner than he'll be baulked by us, now that he hath seen fit to
+start on this business."
+
+"Humph!" says I, "a nice energetic old gentleman to have for a
+father-in-law, to be sure.  And that smooth villain Waring too.  Did
+you not catch his voice also?"
+
+"Yes," says Cynthia, flaming, "the wicked, wretched, contriving
+villain.  What can he hope to get by it all?"
+
+"A wife," says I.
+
+"He's like to go empty-handed there at least," says Cynthia.  "What a
+mercy it was we were married this morning!"
+
+"I doubt whether we were," says I.  "I do not know that the ceremony
+will hold in the sight of the law."
+
+"Then," says Cynthia, "we will be married over again in our real names
+and with a proper licence at the first church we can."
+
+"Nor will that avail you," says I, "when he hath got me hanged."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia grew thoughtful, but says she after a moment's reflection:
+
+"When he does that I will put an ounce of lead into his heart, then I
+can be hanged beside you."
+
+At this perforce I had to capitulate before her ingenuity.
+
+We resumed our way somewhat chastened in spirit.  We looked keenly
+ahead of us along the road as we went, for any sign of the vehicle that
+had lately overtaken us.  Any inn or alehouse that happened to lie at
+the roadside we passed with particular caution, lest our papa and his
+companion should have broken their journey there.  As time went by, and
+we had begun to forget the excellent repast of boiled mutton and
+potherbs with which we had been regaled by parson Scriven, we cast our
+eyes on these wayside places of entertainment with another end in view.
+We were growing honestly tired and hungry.  Coming to one that wore an
+air of unobtrusive respectability and general cleanliness, we
+determined to part with half of our fortune in exchange for some bread
+and cheese and ale.
+
+Having first been at the precaution to convince ourselves that his
+Grace's curricle lingered nowhere about the house, we went in and
+called for our modest refreshment.  And we were engaged in doing
+justice to it with a good deal of zest, when to our great fear we heard
+the sound of wheels on the road, and by the time we could turn round
+and look out of the inn-window a chaise had come to a stand in front of
+the door.  It needed but a glance to tell us that we might have been
+spared our alarm, since it was not the one belonging to Mrs. Cynthia's
+papa.  This was a much less imposing carriage, of a prim colour and
+cast that was designed not to attract any attention.  It contained two
+persons.  The first who alighted from it was a middling drab-coated
+kind of a fellow, smug of countenance, and not to be looked at twice.
+He was doubtless the unliveried servant of a well-to-do tradesman; an
+estimate that was borne out by the deferential, not to say obsequious
+air with which he stood at the side of the vehicle, and assisted the
+second occupant to get out.  This was a vastly more imposing person.
+He was a great fat, heavy-featured man, with an almost overpowering
+consequentialness about him.  He moved with a slow but dignified strut,
+spoke in a very loud voice, and yet there was a tone of affable
+condescension about him too that was very baffling.  He might be the
+mayor or an alderman of some provincial town, some local big-wig, or
+even a pursy magnate of commerce.
+
+By the time he had moved in his heavy dignity into the room in which
+Cynthia and I were seated at our bread and cheese, the landlord had
+taken note of his visitor, and had come forward to greet him with all
+the respectful familiarity of one who was happy to meet again an old
+and cherished and highly-valued client.
+
+"No other than Mr. John Jeremy, by all that's wonderful," says the
+landlord, bowing and smiling.  "_The_ Mr. John Jeremy, as I'm a
+licensed victualler."
+
+No sooner had the landlord uttered the name than I looked hastily at
+Cynthia, and she looked hastily at me.  Where had we heard that name so
+recently, and in what connexion?  Suddenly the same flash of
+recollection illuminated the minds of us both.  It was the name of the
+celebrated Bow Street runner, as given in the _London Gazette_.  I
+think we both went hot and then cold.  But when the first emotion of
+surprise was overpast, a dogged resolution succeeded to it and with it
+a determination to put, if need be, as bold a face upon the matter as
+we could.  After all there was nothing about us by which we could be
+identified.  Appearances were certainly in our favour; and the black
+eye I had that morning received from the farmer was not the least
+likely thing of all to stand me in good stead.
+
+"Sit tight," I whispered to her, "and we'll keep asipping out of the
+same pot as unconcerned as possible."
+
+Mr. Jeremy having seated himself with majestic negligence at a table
+immediately opposite us, turned to his companion and says:
+
+"Wattle you 'ave, Willum?"
+
+"Make it porter," says Willum, in a voice of extreme melancholy.
+
+"Wattle you 'ave, Mr. Johnson?" says Mr. Jeremy, addressing the host, a
+reel-faced worthy of simple ways, who seemed pleased with himself and
+all the world.
+
+"Make it porter, Mr. Jeremy, as you're so haffable," says he; "and what
+might be your own?"
+
+"If you 'ave any of that there sloe-gin, mine's sloe-gin," says Mr.
+Jeremy.
+
+These preliminaries being arranged to the satisfaction of all
+concerned, and the host having retired to fetch the refreshment, Mr.
+Jeremy remarked to his companion with a wonderful air of reflection:
+"Honest, unassooming feller."
+
+"Very," says the other, more gloomily than ever.
+
+Mr. Jeremy then observed us for the first time.  We returned his gaze
+with one of the most simple unconcern.
+
+"Nice day," says he.
+
+"Very," says I heartily.
+
+Here the host returned with the refreshment, and having pledged each
+other, they drank solemnly and copiously.
+
+"Well, Mr. Jeremy," says the host, "what are you after this time?  It's
+a murder, I know, for you to be taking it on.  You never do nothing
+under a murder, you don't, as I've heard you say."
+
+"You don't mean to say as you 'aven't 'eard?" says Mr. Jeremy.  "The
+whole case was printed in this morning's _Gazette_.  It's no small
+thing, this isn't, I can tell you.  The quality's in it, to start with."
+
+"Ha!" says the landlord, with breathless interest.  "Is it a hanging
+matter?"
+
+"Of course," says Mr. Jeremy.  "And a hearl, and a thorough bad lot
+too.  A thorough wicked feller with a record as black as your hat.  I
+always say when one of that sort goes wrong he's much worse than
+ord'nary."
+
+"If it's you that says it, Mr. Jeremy, there can be no manner of doubt
+about it," says the landlord.
+
+He appeared to hang on every word that the man from Bow Street uttered.
+That worthy gentleman who was by no means unaware of the impression he
+created, was at pains in a dozen little ways to heighten it.  Now and
+then he would halt in a mysterious manner, wink and nod, and then
+continue in a truly oracular way.  It was plain that he felt himself to
+be a man of a great reputation, and it would certainly be no fault of
+his if he failed to sustain it.  Nor was he content to work on the mind
+of the landlord, but continually looked across at us to see what effect
+he was having on our susceptibilities.  Observing this, I began at once
+to betray an interest in all he thought fit to say and do; an interest
+more exaggerated than the landlord's even, and certainly less sincere.
+
+"Are you the great Mr. John Jeremy from Bow Street, sir?" says I at the
+first opportunity.  I asked it in a voice of as much timidity as I
+could summon, as one astonished at his boldness.
+
+Instead of replying, the gentleman from Bow Street closed his eyes in
+exquisite self-satisfaction, threw his head back against the wall and
+folded his arms across his chest.
+
+"How can you ask?" says the landlord, replying for him.  "Who else can
+he be?  I should ha' thought your eyes would ha' told you that with one
+look at him."
+
+"I am very proud to meet you, sir," says I, and added, turning to
+Cynthia: "Who would have thought it, Betsy, that you and I of all
+people would ever have met the great Mr. Jeremy from Bow Street in
+London."
+
+"Don't mention it," says Mr. Jeremy, opening his eyes with vast
+condescension.
+
+"Oh, Mr. Jeremy," says my little Cynthia, playing up to her part in the
+comedy with admirable instinct, "would you--could you let me have a
+peep at the--at the handcuffs?"
+
+Mr. Jeremy needed no second invitation to exhibit the badges of his
+office.  He took them from his pocket and laid them on the table with
+an air.  And nothing would content Cynthia but she must rise from her
+seat, go over to the gentleman from Bow Street, and have the manacles
+clapped upon her wrists to see how they felt.  Her curiosity was very
+prettily and justly simulated.  It was done to the life, and no one
+could have been more pleased by it than Mr. Jeremy.
+
+Not content with thrilling Cynthia with the handcuffs, the gentleman
+from Bow Street was anxious to impress everybody else.  He presently
+produced the warrant for the wicked earl's arrest; also a handbill
+offering one hundred pounds reward for any information that should lead
+to the apprehension of the person whose full description was contained
+therein.
+
+"But that's only a matter of form, you know," says Mr. Jeremy.  "I've
+already got all the information that I want in this 'ere," Mr. Jeremy
+solemnly tapped his forehead.  "It's only a work of time.  We knows
+everything about him: his age, his height, his complexion, his general
+appearance, how he was drest, and his religious views.  All there is to
+know of him we knows.  I wouldn't give a snap of the fingers for that
+man, no that I wouldn't, not if you paid me to do it."
+
+"Wonderful!" says the landlord, his eyes dilated with admiration.
+"Wonderful smart!  What a mind you must have, sir."
+
+"_I_ didn't say so," says Mr. Jeremy, "Though I wouldn't contradict you
+there.  A feller's got to have a mind for our perfession.  A numscull
+can't make head or tail of it, can't a numscull.  It's observation that
+does it, d'ye see?  You've got to put two and two together, and to know
+how many beans make five.  Now in the case of this 'ere hearl, I've
+made such a liberal use o' my faculties that the noose is as good as
+round his neck.  Pore feller, I'm sorry for him."
+
+Mr. Jeremy's sorrow was reproduced in the face of each one of his
+hearers.  In that of his man and the innkeeper it was sincere enough,
+and at least in mine and Cynthia's it was very well simulated.  One and
+all professed the greatest admiration for the gentleman's genius.  To
+be sure, in what way it had been manifested was not very clear; but as
+his speech, his behaviour, and the airs he gave himself furnished
+incontestable proofs of its possession, how could we help doing homage
+to it?  He sat like a potentate, and received the court we paid to him
+as by no means more than his due.  But he was generous as well as
+great, for having ordered his own glass to be replenished, he asked us
+all to name our tipple, wherein we had the privilege of drinking his
+health.
+
+As soon as we felt that we could slip off without attracting any
+particular attention to our going, we took the road again.  Yet in the
+precautions we were at to get away as little observed as might be, we
+were more ill-served than by an ostentatious departure.  For our one
+object being to retire quickly and privily, we discovered when we had
+gone a few yards on the road that we had not paid our reckoning.  Thus
+when the landlord awoke to this fact, we should be much more freely
+discussed and commented on than by paying our score and effecting our
+retirement at our leisure.  Cynthia, who had a wonderful itch of
+honesty, was mightily put out, and was all for going back and for
+requiting the landlord at any cost.  But I demurred to this strongly.
+The sooner we put a few country miles between ourselves and Mr. Jeremy
+the better, said I.  Yet Cynthia argued more subtly, and more justly,
+as I was fain to allow.  Mr. Jeremy and the innkeeper had taken no
+suspicion of us to the time of our leaving the inn, said she, and if we
+were at the trouble to go back again, frankly admit our lapse of
+memory, and even go out of our way to behave honestly, we should be far
+more likely to continue in their good graces, than if we left them in
+the lurch as I proposed.  In that event we should infallibly get
+ourselves and our concerns talked about.
+
+Admitting the justness of this reasoning, I consented after a brief
+argument to our going back.  Mrs. Cynthia was pleased indeed, partly
+because this course was such a tribute to her wisdom, and again because
+she would not have to carry on her nice conscience an act that fretted
+it.  When we re-entered the inn it seemed that the landlord had already
+discovered his loss, and was in the very act of calling us harsh names.
+Indeed he was so occupied with this and was expressing himself so
+fervently, whilst Mr. Jeremy laughed at him in a humorous key, that he
+was not conscious of the fact that we stood behind him, until I said:
+
+"I quite agree with you, host, in all you have said, if such was our
+intention.  But as it happens, nothing could be farther from it.  The
+moment we discovered our omission, we returned to rectify it."
+
+The landlord was in a great taking when he heard my voice at his back.
+Having listened to his apologies that were no less fervent than his
+previous abuse, and having taken them in very good part, I demanded to
+know the amount of the score, and smiled at Mr. Jeremy while I did so,
+in an intimate way, for I judged a display of some little familiarity
+towards him was the most calculated to propitiate that gentleman.
+
+Eightpence was the score, a sum fortunately well within our truly
+modest means.  But judge of our desperate chagrin an instant later when
+Cynthia, the custodian of our poor fortune, having felt in all her
+pockets, declared that the purse which contained it was not to be
+found.  Search as she might, there was never a trace of it.  We stared
+at one another blankly, and then at the landlord, and then at Mr.
+Jeremy.  It was this last good gentleman who saved the situation for
+us, since he burst out a-laughing.  Thereon I broke into a roar; and
+presently Cynthia, Willum, and the landlord were roaring too.  And
+could anything have been more ludicrous than two persons leaving an inn
+without paying the reckoning, and wending all the way back again for
+the purpose of rectifying the error with devil a penny between them
+with which to do so!
+
+Under cover of the commotion that this discovery provoked, I racked my
+wits to find an excuse for our behaviour.
+
+"You may laugh, gentlemen," says I, with a sudden gravity, "but it is
+no laughing matter for us, let me tell you.  My wife's pocket hath been
+picked, and how we are to get back home with not so much as a penny
+between us, strike me dead if I can say!"
+
+"Why, 'tis a case for Mr. Jeremy's genius," says Cynthia, smiling at
+that flattered person in a most bewitching manner.  "He must devise us
+a means out of his infinite wit."
+
+"Peace, woman," says I, angrily.  "Is it not enough then that you
+should lose all our travelling money and bring us into disgrace with
+our honest host, whom we are unable to requite for his hospitality, but
+you must lose the control of that unlucky tongue too, and let it grow
+so familiar with the name and attainments of one of the foremost
+persons of his age that it brings us into disrepute with him also?"
+
+I spoke with my tongue in my cheek to be sure, and Cynthia more than
+once had to bite her lips to restrain her merriment.  But Mr. Jeremy
+nodded his head delightedly all the time, and purred with satisfaction.
+
+"No offence, no offence," says that gentleman.  "Don't mind me, my
+pretty one.  But since you ask my opinion as to 'ow you shall get back
+home again, I think after carefully considering all the circumstances,
+the only means I can discover is 'Shanks's mare.'"
+
+"Ha ha! he he!" we all laughed at this desperate piece of wit.
+
+The upshot was that we were allowed to depart indebted to the innkeeper
+in the sum of eightpence.  The loss of our money was a blow.  Why it
+should have been I cannot tell, for after all it was very little the
+right side of destitution.  Cynthia was quite unable to say in what
+manner she had lost it, and when I came to put a few shrewd questions
+to her on the subject, she was so vague in her ideas and so uncertain
+in her answers, that it became a moot point at last whether her fortune
+of twelvepence halfpenny had not existed from the first in her
+imagination only.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER X
+
+WE ARE BESET BY A HEAVY MISFORTUNE
+
+It was about sundown now.  We had not so much as a penny to purchase a
+loaf of bread.  Night was coming on; there were no friends to whom we
+might recommend ourselves; and at least two parties of persons were
+engaged in hunting us down in that vicinity.  To set against these
+inconveniences we had only our liberty and our comradeship; and
+although our bellies were like to go empty, and our heads unpillowed
+that night, and for full many a weary one to come, we did not rail
+against our lot.  We were as free as the air and could defy the polite
+conventions.  Lest we should fall in again with Mr. Waring and our
+papa, or less dangerously with Mr. Jeremy, we decided to forsake the
+high road and its publicity, and take to the fields.  All ways were
+alike to us; north, south, east, and west, it did not matter.
+
+We had not gone far across the country when the twilight overtook us.
+We did not view it with the least apprehension, however.  The night
+promised to be so mild, and we were so warmly found against it with our
+cloaks and thick clothes, that another evening couch in a barn or a
+cowhouse would not greatly daunt us.  Indeed we had already made up our
+minds to this, unless Providence should throw a more luxurious one in
+our path.  In the event this proved to be the case, for after awhile
+our wanderings brought us to a kind of common, across which smoke was
+seen to be rising.  It came from a fire of sticks as we presently
+found, and on coming to it, we discovered ourselves in the midst of a
+gypsy encampment.
+
+Four or five persons of a dirty, ragged and uncouth sort, were busying
+themselves about the fire in various ways.  One was tending it with
+fuel, another was adjusting a great cooking-pot that sat in the midst
+of the embers, a third was cleaning a clasp-knife with a piece of rag
+and a tuft of grass, a fourth had two parts of a flute in his hand and
+was striving to fix them together; an old woman sat staring into the
+blaze with her hands on her knees, smoking a pipe; and a young woman,
+by no means destitute of a swarthy beauty, sat beside her with a child
+at her breast.
+
+The reception we met with at the hands of these simple strange people
+was at first reserved and suspicious to a degree.  One of the men
+addressed us in a barbarous tongue, the like of which I have neither
+heard before nor since.  I could not make a word out of it.  Showing
+plainly that we were at a loss in this language, the man translated it
+into good if a trifle rustic English:
+
+"What do you want?" says he roughly.
+
+"Leave to sit down by your cheerful fire a little," I replied.  They
+were in no hurry to extend this permission to us, but by the time that
+Cynthia with excellent tact had greatly admired the babe in its
+mother's arms, and I, who amongst my accomplishments pride myself as
+being somewhat of an amateur of the flute, had pieced that instrument
+together, for its owner did not appear to understand much about it, and
+had been at pains to make ourselves agreeable to our company in several
+ways, their gruff reserve grew sensibly less.  And shortly, so much did
+our addresses have their effect, that we found ourselves seated around
+the fire, with a pleasant odour of cookery tickling our noses.  For
+after all bread and cheese and ale, although excellent in themselves to
+be sure, do not form a very enduring diet.
+
+By the time the meal was ready the moon had risen.  Sitting in the
+midst of these strange gypsy people, beside a bright fire that threw up
+its flames to the open fields, and clothed trees and hedges and the sky
+itself with a vagueness and mystery that we had never noticed in them
+before, we became possessed with a sense of the weirdness of the shapes
+about us.  They made the folk we had come amongst seem more singular
+than they might otherwise have appeared.  However, the meal we
+presently partook of in their company did much to alleviate this
+feeling of strangeness.  When the lid was taken off the hissing
+cauldron, and platters, spoons and knives were produced, the circle
+about the fire was increased by the arrival of other gypsies of various
+ages and both sexes.
+
+As their guests, they had the courtesy to serve us first.  From the pot
+was produced a hot and grateful mess, that to persons with appetites
+sharpened to the degree that ours were, was deliriously palatable.  It
+appeared to consist of fowls, mutton, hares, onions, and potatoes, and
+probably other meats and vegetables not so easy to detect.  We were
+also given some excellent ale in a great horn tumbler, and a hunch of
+barley bread apiece.  We feasted indeed on the liberal fare, and were
+fain to pay a second visit to the cauldron.
+
+It was to be remarked that our entertainers were much better disposed
+toward us after supper than before.  Their suspicion and reserve melted
+more and more, and instead of using the Romany language, ordered their
+conversation in ours, that we might take some profit of their
+intercourse.  They all showed this amenable disposition with the
+exception of the old crone, who had supped only on tobacco, preferring
+her pipe to the lustier fare of the cauldron.  She would have none of
+us.  We could clearly see the expression of her lowering, tawny face,
+since she sat opposite to us, full in the glare of the fire.  This
+indifference to us was more than passive.  We discerned with some
+uneasiness that it amounted to positive dislike.  She would stare at us
+whole minutes together, while a concentrated malignity came into her
+already sufficiently ugly face.  She would then mutter incoherently
+under her breath.  Once she spat venomously into the fire.  At last,
+after staring at us longer and more resentfully than usual, she
+clutched a fellow who sat beside her fiercely by the arm.  She talked
+to him with great energy, and ended with something that sounded of the
+nature of an imprecation.  As she did so she shook her finger at our
+faces.  Whatever her communication was, the man was much discomposed by
+it.  He nodded, infused a certain malignity too in the look with which
+he regarded us, and then addressed several of his companions very much
+in the manner that the old woman had addressed him.
+
+Cynthia, who had observed these signs as keenly as I had, grew alarmed.
+Nor was this unreasonable in her, for such were the weight of the old
+crone's objections to us, whatever their nature, that before long they
+had spread to the whole community.  Thus we soon found ourselves in the
+unpleasant position of being the cynosure of all their eyes, the
+objects at which their fingers were wagged, and against whom their
+passionate talk was directed.  But we suffered from the additional
+misfortune of being unable to understand a single word, and were thus
+quite at a loss to know wherein we had offended.  It was the man with
+the flute who presently enlightened us.  Probably his devotion to
+music, one of the liberal arts, gave him a more humane cast than his
+brethren.  Indeed at this moment he alone seemed friendly towards us.
+
+"Old Goody does not like the set o' ye," says he.  "You will bring
+ill-luck upon us wandering folk, she thinks."
+
+"What does she object to in us?"
+
+"Nay," says he, "that is more than I can say.  She is as full of
+prediction, whimsies, and foreboding as a dog-fox is of cunning.  She
+has lived a long while, d'ye see, and can read the signs.  She has
+forseen many a corpse, by looking at the moon.  Many's the man-child
+she's brought into the world.  And only last year when she heard the
+wind soughing through the branches, she told not only the day but the
+very hour that Jerry Boswell came to be hanged."
+
+This sinister reference did nothing to ease us.  Looking around, the
+cunning and superstition that was everywhere about us took a direr
+significance.  As their resentment in no wise abated, it struck us that
+we should do well to resume our way.  But the man with the flute
+assured us that we were under no necessity, for since we had sat at
+meat with them, the mischief, if any, was already done.  He said
+besides that his people were the civillest in the world, and whatever
+their fear of us, they would be the last to visit their dislike upon
+us.  As the fire was so bright and genial, and our present position,
+despite any little inconveniences that might arise therefrom, was so
+much more to be desired than any other we were likely to lie in that
+night, we were seduced to remain.  It may have been against our better
+judgment that we took this course, or like the gypsies themselves, we
+may have had an instinct of something impending, for in the end we were
+to rue it bitterly.
+
+Our friend with the flute, doubtless to compose the minds of his more
+nervous brethren, began a strange sort of melody.  It was played not
+very well to be sure, but they gave an alert attention to it that
+furnished an instance of the power of music on untutored minds.
+Presently one of the women broke into a song to match the air.  It was
+in the gypsy language, and though sung in a low crooning voice and a
+primitive fashion, it was by no means unpleasing, whilst its weird
+character was highly appropriate to the place in which it was
+performed.  The rude audience was vastly soothed by it too; their
+fierce looks grew softer; and soon they fell to regarding the music
+entirely instead of Cynthia and myself.
+
+When the flute-player had given his melody, he politely handed the
+instrument to me, with the request that if I had any skill in the art I
+should give one also.  Being as I have said an amateur of the flute,
+and being like all other amateurs as I have observed, never in any
+situation averse to display my poor aptitude, I struck up a ranting air
+from the _Beggar's Opera_.  I was surprised to find how excellent the
+instrument was, and was therefore able to enter into the performance as
+much for my own gratification as for theirs.  When I had finished I was
+agreeably surprised to find how warmly my efforts were received.  The
+former player wrung my hand, and, strange as it may appear, many eyes
+shone about me with pleasure and admiration.  Nothing would content
+them but I must play again.  Mightily pleased with my success, as every
+person who seeks the approbation of the public invariably is, I needed
+no second invitation, but ventured on a more ambitious piece.  With
+many a spring and trill and roulade I ranted it into their ears.  They
+followed me with rapt attention, and again and again would have me
+play.  How long I continued to do so I do not know.  For seeing the
+singular pleasure they took from it, I should have been a churl indeed
+not to gratify such hospitable and simple people.  Therefore I poured
+out all the tunes I knew for their behoof.
+
+Little did we reck however of the calamity that was about to befall us.
+The old woman, it is true, had had a premonition of something
+impending.  Had it been concerned with the effect as well as the cause
+much might have been spared us.  As it was, no catastrophe could have
+come more swiftly, unexpectedly, or completely.  I was still in the
+height of my music, and the group around the fire were absorbed in it
+wholly, when this unhappy interruption came.  Without a sound of
+warning a dozen forms or more suddenly sprang into being out of a ditch
+hard by, and rushed into our midst.  By the light of the moon we could
+observe enough of them as they came to see that they were armed with
+formidable staves, and clearly meant mischief.
+
+We had only just time to spring to our feet before they were upon us.
+What their business was we did not stay to inquire; indeed, it was soon
+evident that my friends, the gypsies, were only too intimately
+acquainted with it.  Without passing a word they resisted this
+onslaught with all the vigour they could summon.  One or two ran into
+the tents close at hand to procure weapons of defence; others produced
+their knives; whilst the old crone, who along among the gypsy women was
+not barefooted snatched off one of her boots and brandished it
+fiercely.  As for Cynthia and I, we were so taken aback by this strange
+situation that we did not know what course to pursue.  We had neither
+art nor part in this quarrel whatever its nature.  Besides, we were
+weaponless and utterly at a loss to understand whether submission or
+resistance might serve us the better.
+
+The aggressors, whatever their impetuosity, stopped short at first of
+actual violence.  Seeing the uncompromising attitude of the gypsies,
+the foremost man, a fine strapping fellow as ever I saw, halted a few
+yards off, put up his hand to speak, and said with a great air of
+authority:
+
+"Now, you Egyptians, let me give you a word of advice before we come to
+blows.  You have no chance at all.  You are outnumbered by three to
+one, and whatever blood is shed, will be to your hurt.  Whatever polls
+are broken will not save any man Jack of you a hanging.  I summon you
+to put down your weapons, and the women shall go free.  But I arrest
+every man of you in the name of the High Sheriff for stealing sheep."
+
+The reply of the sheep-stealers was brief enough in all conscience.
+
+"Take that!" cried the old woman, flinging her boot at the speaker's
+head.
+
+It was the signal for the battle to begin.  My friend the flute-player
+followed up the boot by hitting the spokesman of the law full in the
+face with his fist.  Thereon blows fell thick and fast and furious on
+every side.  The Sheriff's men closed up, nor did the gypsies budge an
+inch.  Without a weapon of any sort, as I was, I had to bear my part
+perforce, since there was no opportunity to explain that I was neither
+a gypsy nor a stealer of sheep.  But even had it offered, I could never
+have embraced it.  Just as a man may be known by the company he keeps,
+he is at the same time laid under the obligation to defend his friends.
+
+My first care, of course, was for Cynthia.  As the Sheriff's men were
+not likely to molest her should she run away out of reach of harm, I
+insisted on her doing so.  I had to be firm with her too, since she was
+by no means disposed to separate from me in this pass.  She would
+either have me come with her or she would stay where she was.  The
+first alternative was impracticable even had I wished to embrace it.
+The enemy were all about us by now, and I should not have been
+permitted to go; and the second put her personal safety into such a
+jeopardy that I had to be very stern.  Thereon she unwillingly complied.
+
+No sooner had she gone than I slipped the flute in my pocket and
+prepared to take a hand in the defence.  As I had no other weapons I
+had to employ my hands.  Had the conditions been equal I could have
+wished no better.  But they were little likely to prevail against
+superior numbers, armed with staves.  Indeed, from the first,
+submission would have been the wiser course for us all, as the gypsies
+were at such a disadvantage that they had no chance.  Yet blows were
+dealt with mighty goodwill on both sides; sometimes the upholders of
+the law went down, but more often the breakers of it.  Presently two
+fellows with cudgels in their hands made lo seize me by the collar,
+whereon I dealt the most assiduous of the twain so shrewd a crack on
+the point of the jawbone as laid him low.  The other fellow came at me
+furiously with his stave, and I had barely time to whisk my head aside
+and so get it clear of the blow that was aimed at it.  I was hastening
+to follow up this delicate attention with a few of my own, when a third
+adversary unseen came behind me, and gave me such a tap at the side of
+the head as brought me to the ground bleeding and half insensible.
+
+Before I could make any attempt to gather myself again, a pair of knees
+were in the middle of my chest, and a strong hand half choked the life
+out of my throat.  I was in no condition to kick or struggle much; but
+whatever the philosophy of my temper in the piping times of peace,
+devil a bit did I exercise of it now.  Bleeding and breathless as I
+was, I resisted with what was in the circumstances an absurd tenacity;
+and it was some little time, after a great display of energy on both
+sides that two or three of my enemies ultimately secured me, bound my
+hands and raised me to my feet.  And I hope the reader will observe
+that I again insist that it took two or three persons to conclude this
+unfortunate business, as it did to inaugurate it.  I know not what vain
+glory it is in a man that makes him so punctilious in matters of this
+sort.
+
+By the time I had been overcome and raised on to my feet in fetters,
+the affair was almost decided.  There could be but one ending; and very
+soon the unfortunate gypsies were all of them captive too, with cords
+round their wrists, and most of them bloody of bearing.  No time was
+lost in marching us away to the nearest magistrate.  There seemed about
+a score of armed men to take the custody of us.  In the haste with
+which everything was carried out, in the uncertain moonlight, and in
+the dull vague condition of mind that the shock of events, to name only
+one cause, had induced, I had not the smallest opportunity of taking
+farewell of Cynthia.  Nor had she any means of approaching me, seeing
+how sedulously we were guarded, and how promptly we were marched away.
+
+The whole thing was begun and ended so swiftly that this very
+grandiloquent and self-important quill-pen hath made, I find, an
+incomparably greater business of it than ever it was in itself.  It can
+never bring its dignity down to the subordinate office of the relation
+of a plain piece of history, but is all for the frills and the
+trimmings.  Do not be deceived into thinking, therefore, that this
+country brawl was as great as the battle of Marathon.  But at least, at
+the time the consequences were to me very poignant.  As we were dragged
+along over the stubble and through the moonlight, we knew not whither,
+I was more stunned by my evil fortune than by the blow I had come by in
+the argument, notwithstanding that as I walked the blood trickled in a
+thin warm stream on to my coat.  For a person in my circumstances to
+fall into the hands of the law in a hedge scuffle in an alien quarrel,
+was about as scurvy an accident as could possibly happen.  I was truly
+between the devil and the deep sea.  To clear myself of the charge of
+being a gypsy and a sheep-stealer, I should be compelled to expose my
+identity, and in doing so should but fall out of the frying-pan into
+the fire.
+
+There was another side to the matter, equally black.  Whatever would
+happen to Cynthia?  Was she not left utterly destitute, without a
+friend, in a foreign country?  Even in the extreme unlikelihood of my
+regaining my freedom, neither of us would know where to seek the other,
+and thus at a time when it was so imperative that we should be
+together, we should be wrenched apart.  Look at the case as I might, I
+could derive no crumb of comfort from it.
+
+It was in a great depression of spirit then that I was haled, weak,
+bleeding, and encumbered along the country lanes to meet my fate.  What
+it was likely to be I did not exactly know, but look at the matter how
+I would, there seemed to be but one natural ending to it.  I was parted
+from my poor little wife, doubtless for ever; and if I did not come to
+the gallows for murder or stealing sheep, I must perforce end my days
+in a debtor's prison.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XI
+
+I COME A PRISONER TO A FAMILIAR HOUSE, AND FIND STRANGE COMPANY
+
+We had marched along for what seemed to me in my unhappy state an
+intolerable period, although I suppose actually the time was less than
+an hour, when we passed through the gates of a great house.  When the
+porter came out of his lodge to let us through, and held his lantern
+against the iron-work, I observed that the device of the family wrought
+therein had a strangely familiar appearance.  There was something about
+the porter too that awoke all sorts of remote recollections in my mind.
+As we went along the paths, even the situation of the trees that
+skirted them added to this impression.  And when we came at last on to
+the lawn, and the house itself was clearly exposed in the moonlight, a
+cry of surprise almost escaped my lips, for the place had once been my
+own.
+
+It was a house in which a great part of my boyhood had been spent, and
+one that I had inherited at my father's death.  It was but a little
+while that it remained in my hands, however, for one night, having lost
+much more than I cared about over a game of piquet, I think it was, in
+a desperate attempt to retrieve my fortunes, I staked this precious
+house upon the cards and lost it also, to a fellow as reckless as
+myself.  It is impossible to say, therefore, what my emotions were at
+this my strange return to the home of my childhood, and the seat for
+many a generation of those whose name I bore.  But I think that the
+first moment of recognition over, my tendency was towards laughter, for
+could anything have been more comical than that I should be brought in
+such a company, and on such a charge, to this of all the places in the
+world?
+
+Even the fellow who replied to the summons on the great hall-door, I
+remembered nearly as well as my own father, for I ought to tell you
+that servants, furniture and plate had passed over with the property.
+We were kept waiting without whilst the head-constable or chief officer
+among our captors went in to confer with the magistrate.  In the end it
+was decided that we should be brought before the justice in person.  He
+was said to have been a prime mover in the matter from the first, and
+was highly incensed against the unfortunate gypsies.
+
+"We could not have come to a worse place," said my friend the
+flute-player, who stood beside me.  "This is the house of Sir Thomas
+Wheatley, a hard man, and the biggest enemy to us poor folk of any one
+about.  If his name and interest count for anything, we shall all of us
+infallibly be hanged."
+
+There were eight of us prisoners, and we were presently led into Sir
+Thomas's presence.  When we were brought into the fine dining-room that
+I knew so well, every inch of which was so familiar to me, in which
+every object of vertu and article of furniture was a thing so well
+recollected that even in this predicament I could not refrain from
+regarding them with pride and affection, how can I indicate the flood
+of emotions that surged in my head?  After all, a man in the depths of
+his abandonment is something more than a piece of wood.
+
+The justice was a common type of person enough; a man in middle life,
+who doubtless lived well and drank much, to judge by his purple cheeks
+and the somewhat puffed appearance of his body.  He was a middling sort
+of man in every way; middling in his stature, in his mind and in his
+character, and more especially so, as we were to discover, in his
+thoughts and ideas.  He affected the very nicest style of the squire in
+his dress, was highly formal in his deportment; and he sat playing
+cards with another fellow, apparently not so much for the amusement of
+himself or the entertainment of his friend, but rather as one who
+followed a dignified occupation in a dignified way.  In his every word,
+gesture and motion he had an indescribable air of one sitting for his
+picture.  He was in a towering rage, it is true, but it was a rage that
+appeared not to spring from the heat of his blood, for he was of that
+lethargic habit, which does not rise to heats of any sort.  He was in a
+towering rage, because it was expected of one of his position and
+sentiments to be in one at such a time.  Therefore, when we poor
+prisoners had been ranged along the wall, he put down his cards with
+great deliberation, slowly wheeled his chair round towards us, put
+together his thumbs, and looked us all over with a noble indignation.
+
+"Soh!" says the justice, counting us carefully.  "One, two,
+three--eight of you fairly taken; eight cut-throat rogues that most
+richly merit a hanging.  And a hanging you shall get if there is any
+law left in the country.  I will commit you at once, so help me I will!
+Fetch me pen and ink somebody, and I'll fill in the mittimus.  I hope
+you are mightily ashamed of yourselves, you wicked, blackamoor
+villains."
+
+"Can you not see that they are, good Tommie?" says the man with whom he
+was playing at cards.  "They are as ashamed as the devil was when he
+singed the hairs on his tail through overheating his parlour."
+
+The solemn justice was somewhat shocked at this piece of levity.  He
+frowned at his companion, and coughed to cover his annoyance.  The man
+who had spoken to this disconcerting tenor appeared rather a singular
+fellow.  It was difficult to say who or what he might be.  Of a rather
+massive frame, he had a countenance that recommended him to the
+curious.  His features were large and bold, with an aquiline nose, a
+devil of a chin, and a short upper lip.  His face shone with wassail
+and intemperate excess; there was a deal of sensuality in it, and more
+than a suggestion of coarseness, but it was for none of these things
+that it was remarkable.  There was something besides that was baffling
+and indescribable to a degree, that drew one's attention to it again
+and again.  It was a face of marvellous humorous animation, with the
+mockery of a devil and the candour of a saint.  It was as prodigal of
+wit as it was of appetite; of majesty and mischief; of impudence and
+nobility.  It was the face of a poet and a sot.  Here, apparently, was
+a great heart, a humane spirit overlaid with flesh and infirmities.  I
+think I was never so arrested by a countenance before, and certainly
+never more puzzled by one.
+
+"Why do you propose to hang these gentlemen, Tommie?" says this
+whimsical fellow, with a mockery in his eyes and a curl of the lip that
+made the justice more uncomfortable than ever.  "Have they picked a few
+hazel-twigs off your honour's footpaths?"
+
+"Oh lord, Harry, I pray you be a little serious," says the justice.
+"These are gypsies and sheep-stealers; villains and rascals all."
+
+"They are beyond our prayers then," says Harry.  "The law must take its
+course.  Even if it could overlook the rape of the mutton, it could
+never condone the colour of their hair.  _Lex citius tolerare vult
+privatum damnum quam publicum malum_.  There you are as pat and
+pragmatical as Marcus Tullius Cicero.  I tell you, Tommie, the world
+lost a great lawyer when I became a hackney writer."
+
+While this was going forward I had collected a few of my wits and had
+determined on the course to pursue.  Unless by hook or by crook I could
+seize these precious moments prior to our committal to prison in which
+to put myself right or regain my freedom, all chance would be gone.
+Jack Tiverton was as dear to the law as a sheep-stealing gypsy, and
+once before a judge I must prove myself to be the one before I could
+prove I was not the other.  Therefore I boldly seized the occasion.
+
+"I beg your worship's pardon," says I, humbly; "but surely you will not
+commit a man without evidence?  And there is not a tittle of evidence
+against me.  I am neither a gypsy nor a sheep-stealer."
+
+I was several times interrupted in the course of this little address by
+one of our custodians, who continued to pluck at my sleeve, and
+enjoined me in audible whispers to hold my impertinent tongue.  The
+justice was astounded by my audacity in daring to address him, and grew
+as red and pompous as a turkey-cock.
+
+"How dare you, fellow, talk to me?" says he.  "If I had the power I
+would commit you twice over for your insolent presumption, yes I would,
+so help me."
+
+"Yes, Tommie, you would, so help you," says his friend.  "The spirit of
+Hector; ye speak like Priam's son.  How dare the fellow ask to hear the
+evidence when you have had the magnanimity to commit him without it?
+Does he forget too that when innocence ceases to suffer it will no
+longer be the highest wisdom to be a rogue?"
+
+I was likely to profit nothing by these protestations of my innocence.
+This justice was evidently of the worst type of magistrate.  He was too
+high and mighty to imperil his preconceived opinions by entering into
+the merits of the matter.  He was too lofty to argue; too swollen with
+self-esteem to be affronted with facts.  All persons who were brought
+before him must be guilty of some crime or other, otherwise they would
+not have come there; and he held that he had discharged his office with
+credit to himself and with profit to his country when he had
+impartially committed them to gaol.  I soon came to the conclusion
+therefore that it would be impossible to prevail on a man of this mould
+with a simple relation of the case, or expect to meet with any
+suggestion of justice at his hands.  I must try a more uncompromising
+method; and that an exceedingly bold one.  I must prove to him beyond
+all doubt that I was far other than an ignorant gypsy, taking the risk
+of the revelation of my true identity, and any consequences that might
+ensue.  For that matter if I must go to gaol, I might just as well go
+there in the role of the defaulting nobleman as in that of the
+larcenous vagabond.
+
+Disregarding all attempts on the part of the officers of the law to
+restrain me, I gazed about the spacious apartment with the air I might
+have worn had it still belonged to me, and says: "The old place is just
+as it was, I see.  But, my good Sir Thomas, it grieves me to observe
+that you have put your fat aunt by the side of a Rubens; and that you
+have not scrupled to set a pompous citizen in a tie-wig, who, to judge
+by a certain consanguinity of expression and countenance, was the
+illustrous man your father and a cheesemonger at that, cheek by jowl
+with one of Vandyck's gentlemen."
+
+The justice was too incensed by this audacious speech to find words
+with which to reply to it.  He spluttered and stuttered himself to the
+verge of an apoplexy.  His friend took it far otherwise, however.
+
+"A hit, a palpable hit," says he, laughing heartily.  "I never heard a
+ripe thought better expressed.  And, damn it, Tommie, you deserve it
+too.  Your fat aunt, and your illustrious father the cheesemonger in a
+tie-wig, ha, ha, ha!  Our friend of the black eye and the bloody
+countenance is an amateur of the arts, a lover of the beautiful."
+
+"Remove the prisoners out of my presence," says the justice in a fury.
+
+"No, no, Tommie," says his companion, "you go too fast.  Our friend is
+so monstrous good that I vow and I protest he must drink a glass of
+claret."
+
+Thereupon he countermanded the justice's order with a certain easy air
+of authority that was natural to him, which carried more weight than
+all the assumption of the magistrate.  This strange fellow, still
+chuckling, poured out a glass of wine from one of several bottles that
+adorned the table, and leaving his seat carried it over to me, despite
+the fact that he hobbled very badly with the gout.  When he stood up he
+was wonderfully imposing, being more than six feet tall, with an
+appearance of perfect breeding and majesty, for all his profligate
+looks and his free, laughing, jovial, devil-may-care manners.  As he
+offered me the glass of claret with a charming grace, I looked down at
+the cords that so tightly secured my wrists with an air of humorous
+deprecation.
+
+"Here, hold this, and keep your long nose clear of the rim," says he,
+putting the wine into the hands of the astonished head-constable.  He
+then drew a knife from his pocket, and without more ado cut off my
+fetters.  As he did so an honest indignation seemed to run in him
+suddenly.
+
+"What a dirty way to treat a gentleman!" he said.  "But you must excuse
+these low fellows; they are not to blame.  They have no discretion but
+simply to follow their calling.  They only know a hog by his bristles."
+
+"As a former _custos rotulorum_ for the county of Wilts, none knows
+that better than I, sir.  But I am vastly obliged to you, vastly
+obliged."
+
+Thereupon I drank the glass he so kindly handed to me.
+
+"My dear sir," says he, with another great laugh, "that was not the
+work of a tyro.  There was a neatness and a deftness in the manner of
+it that must have cost you at least ten thousand liftings of the elbow
+to acquire.  You are as good to drink with as to talk to.  I'faith you
+must do me the honour of sitting at table, for you are a three-bottle
+man, or I have never seen one in the world."
+
+You may be sure that I was nothing loth to accept an invitation that
+was as unexpected as it was desirable.  The bewilderment of the
+justice, the constable and his men, and the poor gypsies too, was
+boundless as I briskly followed this extraordinary gentleman when he
+hobbled back to his chair, and promptly ensconced my disreputable self
+in one of the high-backed oaken seats of my forefathers, now so
+courteously placed at my disposal.  While he proceeded to refill my
+glass and his own too, the scandalized magistrate very naturally
+expostulated in the most vehement manner.
+
+"Why, Harry, God save us all!" he cried, "have you gone horn-mad?  It
+is the most outrageous thing that ever was perpetrated.  I vow and
+protest, Harry, that you are gone stark mad to bring a thief and a
+gypsy to my table to share your cups.  It is unbearable, Harry, and
+'fore God I will not have it.  When this gets wind in the county they
+will deride me to death.  Lord, I shall get struck off the
+justice-roll."
+
+"Your petitioner will ever pray," says Harry, while simultaneously we
+raised the distraught justice's good claret to our lips.
+
+Taking my cue from the familiarity of my entertainer, I threw aside
+restraint and adopted the attitude of a guest in lieu of the humbler
+one of a prisoner.  Continuing to gaze about completely at my ease,
+says I, with that frank criticism that had been formerly so effective:
+
+"Things are no longer what they were.  This place hath deteriorated
+since I was in it last.  The city creeps into the ancestral hall;
+cheesemongery obtrudes itself.  Where formerly there were Old Masters
+and French Tales, there are now Bibles and bad prints.  But I rejoice
+to see that some few of my ancestors are still faithful to their
+old-time haunt.  My parents, my grand parents, my uncles, my cousins
+and my aunts, Vandycks, Lelys, and Knellers, and the devil knows who,
+are still assembled here, even to the replica of Sir Peter's picture of
+that nobleman, most illustrious of his race, who made a Commentary on
+the _Analects of Confucius_, the original of which I last saw in the
+shop of a Jew dealer the other day."
+
+My singular acquaintance with the contents of his dining-room,
+evidently far more extensive than his own, was not without its effect
+on the justice.
+
+"What is the meaning of all this, Harry?" he asked of my benefactor.
+"What is the fel----what is the man talking of?  What does the man mean
+by his ancestors?  Who ever heard such impudence, such effrontery?"
+
+"Well, Tommie," says his frank friend, "I'll lay my last guinea that he
+hath more right to call them his ancestors than their present owner."
+
+"A murrain take you," says the justice, more purple than before, for
+this was a stab in a tender place.  "Will you never learn to control
+your infernally long tongue?  And yet again must I ask you not to
+address me as Tommie when I am in the exercise of my high functions.
+Thomas if you like, or my full title would be still better on these
+occasions.  The King would not have conferred it upon me, were it not
+designed for use, and that he desired I should profit by it."
+
+His friend nearly choked himself with laughter long before the justice
+had come through this solemn homily.  Indeed he could not recover his
+breath until he had poured himself out another glass of wine, and had
+refilled mine.
+
+"You will kill me of laughing, Tommie, one of these days," says he.
+"If it were not that your claret is as good as any for thirty miles
+round London, I would never come near you.  How a man can keep such a
+good table and yet such a poor understanding is a thing I have never
+fathomed.  But I protest you will certainly kill me if you do not amend
+your mind a little."
+
+"Harry," says the justice sternly.  "I can never understand how it is
+that a grandson of the Earl of Denbigh, and a person of undeniable
+family and descent, should have such ungenteel manners."
+
+"Damn the Earl of Denbigh," says Harry, banging his fist on the table,
+"and you too, Tommie.  You can no more keep that fly out of the
+ointment, than a pig can his snout out of the muck."
+
+"What, sir," says I eagerly, "are you also cursed with a grandfather?"
+
+"Aye, to be sure I am," says he.  "Though I'll thank no man that names
+him.  If it were not for my grandfather I could go to the devil in my
+own way."
+
+"Why, my dear sir," says I, "never were there two such brothers in
+misfortune.  Your case is the very counterpart of mine."
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XII
+
+I DISCOVER A GREAT AUTHOR WHERE I LEAST EXPECT TO FIND ONE
+
+While all this was going forward very eloquent glances were repeatedly
+exchanged between the justice and the head-constable.  They were both
+equally at a loss to know what to do in the matter.  Their plain duty
+was to have me removed in custody.  But this they could not very well
+do, seeing on what terms of intimacy I had already been placed.  There
+must be a grave mistake somewhere.  What it was they were too greatly
+puzzled to say, but the end of it all was that my fellow-prisoners were
+removed into the stables against the next morning, when they could be
+more conveniently taken to prison, whilst I for the nonce was allowed
+to remain seated at the table in the society of my whimsical friend.
+
+Sir Thomas's composure had been so rudely shaken that for a long time
+he could hardly venture on another word.  He sat watching us with a
+kind of stupefied horror, whilst we made short work of several bottles
+of his most excellent claret.
+
+"The true Falernian," says my companion, smacking his lips.  "I would
+that Roman fellow were here in the room of Tommie, who sits like a dead
+dog in a dry ditch.  I have remarked it before, and I remark it again,
+that I can never understand how it is that a man who can keep such a
+full-bodied, generous wine in his cellar should yet keep such a lean,
+ill-liberal heart in his body.  It is an internal paradox on which I
+break my brains anew.  You would think that one would cry out upon the
+other, and that they could live together no better than a keg of
+gunpowder and a live coal.  And how in the first place they ever came
+to be associated passes me.  Ring the bell, Tommie, and tell 'em to
+bring us up another bottle a-piece."
+
+While Sir Thomas did so with the mechanical meekness of one well
+accustomed to obey, says I:
+
+"I think I can give you ease on this last matter, sir.  Hath it never
+struck you that our host may have bought his cellar at the same shop
+that he bought his ancestors?  It sticks in my mind that I have met
+both his forebears and his vintages before.  Indeed, to come down to
+the details of this odd matter, I believe at the period of which I
+speak they may have had my name appended to them."
+
+"Shrewdly said, sir," says my companion; and then going on to another
+matter which I had sedulously been leading up to, for I had come to the
+conclusion that my one chance of ultimate escape lay in betraying
+myself entirely, continued: "You begin to interest me vastly.  I
+confess you are a man after my own heart.  I like your talk, I like
+your manner, the colour of your eye, the cock of your old beak,
+i'faith, I like you altogether.  You are the very perfect gentle guest;
+you abuse your host and drink his wine with the same impartial spirit.
+You bear the same relation to a gypsy as our club-footed Thomas does to
+the herald Mercury.  No, no, my good sir, it will not do; _ex ungue
+leonem_."
+
+"Your compliments charm me," says I, raising the glass to my lips
+again, "but I could have wished, sir, that you had not nosed out my
+_incognito_.  It may be the source of a greater inconvenience than I
+care to think about, if it and I part company."
+
+"The blame is entirely your own, sir," says the other.  "Hercules
+should not try to hide behind an arbutus tree.  But no man ever had
+aught to fear from me, unless that man was myself.  To him, it is true,
+I have been a great enemy.  Yet I'll swear on my life that even that
+poor unlucky young man whose name is proscribed in this morning's
+news-letter would never be a penny the worse for revealing himself to
+such a rough fellow as me.  As for Tommie, I will answer for Tommie
+too.  It is true that Tommie hath weaknesses, but they are on the
+surface mostly.  If he can never forget that Nature had a hand in the
+fashioning of Sir T. Wheatley, Knight, and Justice of the Peace, and is
+in a sense a self-made man therefore, he nevertheless hath a very good
+heart.  I can answer for Tommie as for myself."
+
+When he came to mention the "poor unlucky young man," I suppose I must
+have winced or blinked a little, or he was a marvellously subtle and
+keen observer, for after looking into my eyes, he slapped his hand on
+his thigh, and cried:
+
+"By God, can it be?  Surely it is too whimsical, too fantastical.
+These things do not happen outside the story books."
+
+"Such a coincidence is a little after the manner of _Tom Jones_, to be
+sure, sir," says I.
+
+I suppose it was the word "story books" that led to my mentioning that
+immortal novel which at that moment held all the town in a spell of
+wonder and delight.  But no sooner had I uttered the magic name of _Tom
+Jones_ than I thought I saw my companion's flushed face flush deeper
+than ever, and at the same instant my mind was assailed with a dozen
+points of recognition.  In a flash I jumped to the conclusion that I
+was being entertained by the author of that inimitable work.  For a
+moment we sat regarding one another with the frankest amusement.  Then
+my companion took up his glass, and lifting it slowly to his lips, says:
+
+"Lord Tiverton."
+
+Thereupon I followed his polite example; and when the glass was at my
+lips, says I:
+
+"Mr. Henry Fielding."
+
+Upon that we fell a-laughing wildly, and wrung one another warmly by
+the hand.  Now that the murder was out we grew closer in
+good-fellowship.  Had we not shown proofs of an admirable sagacity in
+our previous respect for one another?  The magistrate, however, was
+aghast.  No sooner was he acquainted with my name than he was beset
+with his manifest duty as a justice of the peace.
+
+"As you are a refugee from the law, my lord," says he, looking
+anxiously at me and then at Fielding, "I fear that I have no
+alternative other than to hand you over to the proper authorities.  You
+see, as one holding his Majesty's commission of the peace for this
+county, I am precluded from giving way to any private feelings I might
+entertain in the matter, but must do my plain and obvious duty, however
+it be opposed to the dictates of my heart."
+
+The dignity and the rather florid effect of this speech, which I will
+do Sir Thomas the justice of saying was very well meant, was utterly
+spoiled by Mr. Fielding's reception of it.
+
+"Come down off the high horse, Tommie, if you love me," says he.  "Be
+damned to the dictates of your heart and your duty too.  Do strive to
+be natural, Tommie; if you would but be content to be natural I would
+suffer you gladly, for at bottom you are as good a fellow as I know.
+But when you get on these magisterial airs of yours a common mortal
+cannot touch you with a six-foot pole."
+
+"That is all very well, Harry," says Sir Thomas, "but you forget my
+responsibilities."
+
+"There you go again," says Fielding.  "Be damned to your
+responsibilities.  Come and drink a glass of good claret with us and
+forget yourself, your office, your dignity, your wig, your knighthood,
+and your laced coat for a brief five minutes.  Perpend, Tommie,
+perpend; and for the nonce consent to be a human being."
+
+"Would you have me, then," says the magistrate, "sit down with a man in
+my own house, knowing him to be a great criminal?  How can I possibly
+entertain such a person?  Were I to do so I should be altogether
+unworthy of the high trust that hath been reposed in me."
+
+Mr. Fielding scratched his wig.
+
+"A very moral sentiment," says he, "but all the morality in the world
+is not worth a penn'orth of humanity."
+
+"Sir," says I warmly, "I am grateful to you.  You can scarcely know how
+an example such as yours helps a drowning man to keep his head above
+the flood that is like to overwhelm him.  But I think I owe it to
+myself to lessen the weight of Sir Thomas's responsibilities, by
+assuring you that I am innocent of the horrid crime with which I am
+charged.  The poor fellow came by his end in a fair fight; and
+therefore if you can only overlook the sums I owe my creditors, you may
+relieve your scruples."
+
+"I am more than glad of these assurances," says the justice.  "A great
+load is taken off my mind."
+
+"On the contrary," says Mr. Fielding, "they make not a farthingworth of
+difference to me.  I care not if you are the most long-suffering peer
+that ever went to the dogs, or if you are the greatest villain that
+ever tried to dodge the gallows.  What's the odds?  You are a proper
+enough fellow for all rational purposes.  Certainly I would not choose
+to meet Mr. Jack Sheppard in a lonely lane on a dark night, but I would
+as willingly drink a bottle with a lad of his mettle just as well as
+with another.  If a man shall bear himself gallantly at table, with a
+merry courage and a kindling eye, who am I that shall ask uncivil
+questions of him?"
+
+Whatever Mr. Henry Fielding's philosophy, and it seemed to have a
+savour of that of the late eminent Sir John Falstaff, Knight, he was a
+fine merry companion, who asked no better of the hour and the company
+in which he sat than that they should consort with his humour.  After a
+while his wit, his gallant spirits, and his brave bearing before the
+bottle did not fail of their effect upon the justice too.  That staid
+and pompous fellow resisted them for a time, but as first one and then
+another bottle was numbered among the slain, and our tongues grew
+looser as our brains grew warm, he fell at last from his high estate
+and was seduced into a course that ill consisted with his sentiments.
+When he had accepted several glasses from Mr. Fielding's own fair hands
+he began to grow rather thicker in his speech, weighed his words less,
+and showed several signs of having departed from his usual habit.
+
+"You can see," says Mr. Fielding, winking at me, "that our gallant
+Tommie hath been nurtured on cinnamon-water and Dr. Akenside's sermons.
+I should say that four glasses are about the limit of him; five, and he
+goes over the verge."
+
+Although both Mr. Fielding and I had already accommodated a far greater
+quantity than the magistrate, we had served such a much longer
+apprenticeship to this business (the shame is our own) that whereas we
+were scarcely conscious as yet of what we had drunk, the square-toed
+Sir Thomas was already hanging out his evidences.  Now no sooner did I
+observe this disposition in him than I was taken with a scheme by which
+my poor fellow-prisoners incarcerated in the stables outside were to
+profit.  Whatever my shortcomings, I would never have it said of me
+that I left a friend in the lurch.  These poor gypsies had given us of
+their hospitality; that in itself therefore was enough of a reason why
+I should endeavour to spare them a hanging.  Therefore I suggested the
+matter to my companion.
+
+"Do you think, sir," says I, "that we can get our good magistrate drunk
+enough to be worked on to give the order for the release of my poor
+friends the gypsies?  It is like to go very hard with them, I fear,
+unless we can find some such way as this to aid them."
+
+"It is very well thought on," says this truly humane fellow, without so
+much as pausing to consider the matter.  "Leave this jocund old
+justicer to me, and I'll answer for it that the king's enemies shall
+get a free pardon.  Now then, Tommie, by your leave I'll name a toast.
+We will drink to Law and Order.  Fill up, Tommie, and no heel-taps."
+
+So thoroughly did Mr. Fielding enter into this plan, that very soon Sir
+Thomas began to babble in his talk with a most unwonted levity, and
+even essayed to sing a song.  With such assiduity was he plied, that he
+presently advanced stage by stage, until my companion considered him to
+be sufficiently primed for this business.  Thereon Fielding rang the
+bell and ordered the head-constable, who with his men was keeping guard
+over the premises, to be brought to him.  When that worthy presented
+himself, Mr. Fielding says with an inimitable glib audacity:
+
+"Sir Thomas, after much weighing of the merits of this case, hath come
+to the conclusion that the evidence is not sufficient to send these
+prisoners for trial.  He is sensibly fearful of some miscarriage of
+justice, the more particularly as one of their number that you brought
+before him hath turned out on an examination to be anything but what he
+was represented.  Therefore Sir Thomas bids me to inform you that he
+hath decided to remit these charges.  And he would have you release
+these people at once, that they may go about their business.  And when
+you have done this, you are to take your men to the kitchen, where they
+are to have a good supper of beef and ale, and they can then repair to
+their homes.  And at least this course, this somewhat extreme course I
+may say, that Sir Thomas hath decided on will save you all from a long
+and weary vigil in the night air."
+
+However surprised the head-constable was at this unexpected turn of
+events, he was by no means disposed to cavil at it, since the only way
+in which the fate of the gypsies could affect himself was the one that
+Mr. Fielding had so adroitly indicated.  Not so the scandalized
+justice.  Fuddled as he was, he had enough wit left to apprehend what
+was going forward.  But he had not enough, however, to interpose his
+authority in a way that was at all likely to take effect.  At all his
+thick and nearly inarticulate protests, his friend Mr. Fielding kept
+hushing and soothing him down, with highly eloquent and imploring
+gestures.
+
+"Oh lord, Tommie," he would say, "I pray you have a care.  Here am I
+trying to conceal the fact that you are abominably drunk, and yet you
+will flaunt it and advertise it, before the servants too.  Think of
+your own dignity, Tommie, I beseech you."
+
+Whereon the head-constable would rub his coat-sleeve across his face to
+conceal his laughter.  Sir Thomas would grunt and wriggle and writhe
+his tipsy protests, and his friend, Mr. Fielding, with the oddest
+mingling of sorrow, amusement, and solemnity, apparently struggled to
+put the best face he could on the justice's scandalous behaviour.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIII
+
+I FIND OUT CYNTHIA: CYNTHIA FINDS OUT ME
+
+It was in this agreeable fashion that my unlucky friends obtained their
+release.  The justice was in no condition to cope with Mr. Fielding's
+peremptory ways; and the constable, seeing and caring nothing beyond
+the advantage to his own personal comfort, was not at all disposed to
+wait until the magistrate was in a better condition to express his
+opinions and good pleasure.  Thus he bowed to Sir Thomas whilst that
+inarticulate gentleman was still wrestling with his thick speech,
+assured him his will should be obeyed, and that he would see to it that
+his officers made a good supper in the kitchen, and took his departure
+without any reluctance whatever.
+
+"So much for that matter," says Mr. Fielding, highly pleased with the
+success of his own ingenuity.  "We have robbed the gallows of eight
+good necks and true, which is, I think, a pretty liberal evening's
+work.  Yet as this is a night for good works, let us spend it
+fittingly.  Ring the bell, Tommie, ring the bell.  The last of these
+bottles died a full two minutes ago."
+
+Unfortunately Sir Thomas was in no condition at this stage to comply
+with such a request, and Mr. Fielding had perforce to perform that
+office himself.  A fresh relay of wine was brought, and our glasses
+were filled up again.  Sitting here in the midst of these insidious
+allurements, well found in all bodily comfort and good companionship,
+it needed but a corresponding ease of mind to be as perfectly content
+as Mr. Fielding himself.  I had been most providentially delivered from
+a very real and immediate peril, had contributed to the saving of eight
+poor people from the gallows, and had exchanged the cold night for a
+far happier sanctuary; but with all this, I was nearly at the verge of
+despair.  Where was Cynthia?  What had happened to that poor child, and
+how could we hope to come together again!  Neither of us knew in which
+direction the other had gone; and to search for each other in that dark
+night was clearly impossible, seeing how complete was our ignorance of
+the neighbouring country.
+
+In my distraught state I mentioned my unhappy case to Mr. Fielding.
+He, with the sanguine temper that seemed to be so strangely
+characteristic of him, pooh-poohed my fears, and swore that all would
+come right by the morning.
+
+"I will wager you the last guinea I have got in the world," says he,
+"which by the way I borrowed from Tommie to bear me back to Fleet
+Street to-morrow, that you will see her pretty face in this parlour
+before you are prepared to leave it.  Why, man, if she hath any wit at
+all she will remain with the gypsies until they discover whither you
+have been taken, and then she will come to Tommie with a mighty long
+tale and a mighty heart-moving countenance.  I suppose it is that my
+wit runs wonderfully clear to-night, for I confess I can see the whole
+course of this matter as plain as the back of my hand."
+
+Mr. Fielding declared his opinions with such an energy, that in spite
+of myself I half subscribed to them.  Indeed, as he pointed out,
+nothing could be done by repining.  But as he followed up this last
+sage reflection in a manner peculiarly his own, no less than by the
+opening of a new bottle, I am not sure that the occasion itself was not
+the source of his wisdom.  "_Vino diffigiunt mordaces curae_," says he,
+"an old, old tag, but a monstrous good one.  Come, my dear fellow, do
+not spoil the excellent impression you have already made.  I am sure to
+mump and moan is not in you; besides, you would be the last to have
+yourself numbered among the Tommies of the world, the half-bottle men.
+You are capable to bear me company for many an hour yet.  Come, let us
+grapple with melancholy and put him to sleep."
+
+I was in such a state of maudlin misery by this, thanks to the wine I
+had already drunk, and my dubious speculation in regard to Cynthia,
+that I soon fell a-prey to Mr. Fielding's importuning.  That lusty
+full-blooded fellow was not to be denied.  As I accepted glass after
+glass of the insidious liquor from his hands, I felt my resolution
+weaken as of old, and that same sense of large content and utter
+heedlessness of the morrow steal upon me.  As my brain grew hotter and
+heavier and less capable of thinking and doing, Cynthia's absence grew
+less poignant to it, and my own situation of the moment more perfectly
+acceptable.  It was truly Elysian to sit in this warm room and in this
+mellow society, after having been without a roof to one's head and in
+such peril for so many hours.  The sense of abandoning oneself by slow
+degrees and against one's proper judgment to this forbidden pleasure,
+was fraught with a delight that it is only in the power of the illicit
+to bestow.  At the same time that I knew Mr. Fielding's point of view
+was specious and worthless, _vide_ the teachings of a bitter
+experience, I could hardly find it in my heart to resist his wit, the
+compliment of his good-fellowship, his whole-hearted gaiety.  He was
+such a lovable spirit that he would have seduced the first of the
+Pharisees to hang with him at Tyburn, for the sake of the
+companionship.  It would have taken sterner stuff than was ever in me
+to deny or resist him.
+
+It was not long before the justice was so overcome by the contents of
+his cellar that he drooped his head on the table and straightway fell
+fast asleep.  Mr. Fielding, who was himself so seasoned that his face
+hardly shone as yet, laughed, and says with a kind of kingly pity:
+
+"What a penny-halfpenny haberdasher of a man it is!  _C'est un vrai
+epicier_.  Strip him of his paunch, his purse, and his knighthood, and
+there remains one who hath no more parts than a Presbyterian.  If I
+were old Sir John, I would undertake to make a better man out of a
+cheese paring.  It is a pretty behaviour in him, when we are sitting at
+this table, bearing ourselves so gallantly before his claret.  But
+after all, I would prefer that his honour should speak with his nose
+rather than with his mouth.  Both organs are equally witty; and we are
+under no obligation to answer his lustiest performances in that style."
+
+It was not long before I began to feel some inklings of a disposition
+to imitate Sir Thomas.  Fortunately Mr. Fielding did not observe it in
+me; and he on his side was so brisk and jovial-hearted that he easily
+found enough of conversation for us both.  And he was so prolific that
+I am sure he would have been the last to notice it.  My bosom was no
+longer torn with the same pain when my thoughts reverted to Cynthia.
+My wits were so deadened that I had a sort of sweet sorrow instead; the
+sorrow whose expression is an amiable snuffling melancholy, and a
+tender reflection on the days that are past.  I was fast sinking into
+the depths of this maudlin condition, when a diversion occurred that
+mercifully kept me from it, even as my mind tottered on the brink.  A
+servant entered with the information that a woman was at the hall door
+demanding to see the justice on a most particular business.  In an
+instant a great possibility possessed me completely, and startled me
+out of the bibulous lassitude that was creeping upon me.
+
+"What kind of a woman?" I asked eagerly, "A very beautiful woman, a
+most adorably beautiful woman, with the voice of a nightingale and as
+dainty in her carriage as, as----  Fielding, an you love me, give me a
+simile--as dainty as----"
+
+"The swift Camilla," says he instantly, "the virgin Volscian queen, as
+she
+
+  'Flies o'er th' unbending corn, or skims along the main,'
+
+in the crude language of the crookbacked Twickenham bard.  If you were
+not so drunk I would give it you in Virgil's eleganter tongue."
+
+"I don't know what the female's like in her carriage," says the fellow,
+regarding us both with a very natural bewilderment, "for she's not come
+in no carriage, do you see.  She's come afoot.  But she's a shortish
+wench, with a pert tongue, and she's a-crying like fun."
+
+Prosaic as this description was, and sensibly differing as it did from
+the one I had furnished, I was sure that the female was no other than
+Cynthia.  That there could be other shortish wenches in the world with
+pert tongues, who were capable of crying like fun, never entered my
+head.  It may have been that I had so continually brooded on her fate,
+or the guilt of my conscience was so keen as to lead me to this
+conclusion on such slender grounds.  Relieved as I was, I yet had some
+twinges of contrition.  Despite my heavy-witted state I was fully alive
+to it, and mightily uneasy as to the figure I must make in her eyes.
+
+"A pretty kettle of fish," says I, "that I should be as drunk----"
+
+"As a lord," suggested Mr. Fielding.
+
+"As drunk as a lord on our wedding-day.  I pray you have pity on my
+state, sir, and help me out as much as you can."
+
+"My dear fellow," says Mr. Fielding, "this is no sort of talk.  It is
+unworthy of you.  Why, nothing could have been better contrived, sir.
+Can anything be more commendable than that a man should begin as he
+means to go on.  One cannot begin too soon to bring up one's wife
+properly."
+
+"Poor little toad," says I.  "When she sees me like this I am sure she
+will weep more bitterly."
+
+"Hath she never seen you drunk before?" says Fielding.
+
+"Never," says I.
+
+"It is time she did then," says he.  "But after all, as it is your
+wedding-day there may be some little reason for your perturbation.  She
+is still the first woman in Christendom, I suppose, and you are still
+the true prince.  It can contribute nothing to the welfare of either
+for you to be seen at such little advantage.  Get thee behind the
+screen there and leave this to me."
+
+Having still enough wit to be fully aware of my unfortunate condition;
+and being at the same time assailed with many pangs for having so
+callously sat down to my ease before the bottle, whilst I was seemingly
+content to allow her to roam the night to find me, I felt truly
+shamefaced and hangdog.  I was but too ready therefore to embrace any
+proposal that might alleviate my position.  Certainly Mr. Fielding had
+a much better command of himself than I had, and was therefore much
+more fitted to receive her.  Besides, I was so deeply imbued with my
+desperate case that I counted on his ready wit to shield me from an
+exposure.
+
+Therefore I stumbled into concealment behind the screen, and drunk as I
+was, I was sufficiently sober to follow and to keenly appreciate the
+whimsical scene that was enacted before my eyes.  Sir Thomas being
+hopelessly surrendered to Morpheus, Mr. Fielding profanely assumed his
+character.  But at least the mad rogue played it with a far finer
+spirit and _abandon_ than the justice could have done.  When my poor
+little Cynthia was ushered in, for she it was undoubtedly, he rose,
+gout and all, to greet her, and bowed very low.
+
+"Pray take a seat, madam, pray take a seat," says he, with an
+inimitable gesture of politeness.  "And if there is any small service
+that you would have me render you you have only to put a name to it,
+and you may consider it rendered."
+
+My poor little one, who was very pale and trembled with apprehension,
+peered out of the hood of her cloak with the tears still in her eyes.
+Despite Mr. Fielding's obvious gallantry she gazed at him with a dim
+distrust, and then cast a look of downright fearfulness in the
+direction of the heavy-slumbering Sir Thomas.  It was the first time I
+had been in a situation to observe these feminine timidities in her,
+and methought they enhanced her a hundredfold.
+
+"I would not have you regard that fuddle-witted fellow, madam," says
+Mr. Fielding, mad wag as he was.  "He is but a common hackney writer of
+a man, Henry Fielding by name, who hath come out of Grub Street to take
+the country air.  And the country air hath proved too strong for him,
+do you see.  Do not regard that fellow, madam: believe me he is quite
+unworthy of your attention."
+
+The excess of chivalry with which this was uttered did something to
+compose poor Cynthia; though why such flummery should have imposed upon
+her I cannot tell.  Even a parcel of lies, if it is made up into the
+semblance of a delicate attention, can do a great work with that sex,
+apparently.  Anyhow, Cynthia sufficiently overcame her trepidation to
+find the courage to ask:
+
+"Are you Sir Thomas Wheatley, sir?"
+
+"You can call me that, madam," says Mr. Fielding.
+
+"Then do you know anything of my--my husband?" says Cynthia.
+
+"Your husband, madam," says he.  "I did not know that you had a
+husband.  Since when have you had a husband, madam?"
+
+At this point Cynthia blushed divinely.  All her proverbial pertness
+was fled.  The situation was too great for the foibles she had
+acquired.  She stood forth in her strange predicament just a simple
+rustic maid, who longed to express her misery in tears, but was too
+proud to do so.  Thus, with an ingenuousness that I had never observed
+in her before, she faltered:
+
+"Since--since this morning, sir."
+
+"Since this morning, madam," says Fielding, "and you have lost him
+already.  Is it credible?  He did not leave you at the church door, I
+hope."
+
+"He did not leave me at all, sir," says Cynthia.
+
+"Then if he did not leave you at all, madam, why is he not with you
+now?" says Mr. Fielding.
+
+Little by little, with numberless hesitations and small attempts at
+concealment on her part, and many sly quips and verbal quibbles on his
+own, the roguish fellow drew out of her a fair account of the state of
+the case.  Cynthia's anxiety to conceal her husband's name and how he
+came to be placed in such an unhappy pass, afforded Mr. Fielding a
+great deal of pleasure.  He was continually springing awkward questions
+upon her with a wonderful appearance of judicial innocence; and to
+observe the unfortunate chit wriggle and contort herself out of many an
+awkward corner was as good as a play.  It was a cruel sport, perhaps,
+and I half thought it so at the time; but I am sure Fielding did not
+hold it to be such, for I do not think it was in him wittingly to give
+pain to anyone.  This whimsical by-play was really directed against me,
+for when he had got her into a more than usually tight corner he would
+look at me, as I frowned at him from my hiding-place, with a face that
+dared me to intervene.
+
+"I am afraid, madam," says Fielding, "you are not dealing with me quite
+fairly.  I must really assure you that this repeated and noticeable
+concealment--I can use no less explicit term--of your husband's name is
+most embarrassing.  With the best will in the world to serve your
+interests, and to aid you to the extent of my poor ability, how can I
+give you any information about your husband if you will not take me far
+enough into your confidence to vouchsafe me his name?  Even though I am
+a justice of the peace, I do not pretend to any supernatural knowledge.
+I am no mystery-reader, nor a worker of miracles."
+
+Poor Cynthia's dilemma was desperate.  She did not know how to act.  I
+shook my fist at the wicked wag, and began to wish heartily that I had
+not added to my other weaknesses by shirking the consequences of them.
+I longed to come to her aid.  But I had less desire than ever to expose
+myself now; and after all here was a very pretty comedy.
+
+"Come, come, madam," says Mr. Fielding.  "I would not have you trifle
+with justice in this manner.  What is your husband's name?"
+
+"His name is Smith," says she at last, taking the name we had been
+married in.
+
+The pseudo-justice expressed his disappointment.  He grieved to say
+that to the best of his knowledge no person of that name had called
+upon him that evening.
+
+"But he was among the gypsies that were brought to your house this
+evening," Cynthia persisted.  "What is become of them?"
+
+"Is your husband a gypsy, madam?" says he.  "I should have thought it
+not at all likely, to judge by the appearance of his wife?"
+
+"No, he is not," says she.
+
+"Then why is he concerned with gypsies in such a scandalous charge?"
+
+At every turn the mischievous fellow contrived some new means of
+embarrassing her story; and at the same time he embarrassed my patience
+also, as he very well knew.  But it was quite in vain for me to publish
+my threats from behind the screen.  Both of us were delivered into his
+hands.
+
+"I am disappointed that he was among the gypsies, madam," says he,
+"since they were discharged and sent away several hours ago."
+
+"Oh," says Cynthia eagerly, "how glad I am to hear that!"  But then her
+face fell.  "How may I find him?" she says, very anxiously.
+
+"Nay, madam," says Fielding, "that is more than I can tell.  But I am
+disappointed to hear that his name is Smith.  You are sure his name is
+Smith, madam?"
+
+Cynthia hesitated between hope and fear.  Could it be possible that my
+true name had been discovered, and that concealment was no longer
+desirable or necessary?
+
+"It is most strange, madam," says her relentless persecutor, "that you
+should not be certain of the name of your own husband.  I suppose you
+could not by any chance have made a mistake in regard to the name of
+him?"
+
+"I might have done," poor Cynthia faltered; whilst I felt such an
+overpowering desire to execute a prompt vengeance on the wretch that it
+was as much as I could do to remain in my seclusion.
+
+"Well, if you might have done," says he, "his name could not by any
+chance have begun with a 'T.'  Could his name be something like 'Tivy,'
+or 'Tantivy'?"
+
+Poor Mrs. Cynthia had completely lost her bearings by this.  She was
+utterly nonplussed, and looked at the wicked Fielding as helplessly as
+a child.  She was still unable to overcome her scruples about revealing
+my real name.  To do so to a justice of the peace of all people in the
+world was like to be a most imprudent act.  But at the same time she
+could not rid her mind of the thought that he already knew more than he
+would tell.
+
+"Tivy or Trivy or Tantivy," says Mr. Fielding; "you are sure his name
+is nothing of that sort?  Now could it by any chance be Tiverton?"
+
+At this mention of my name Cynthia was unable to go further with her
+imposture.  With a face of much confusion and distress she made the
+confession.
+
+"Well, madam," says Mr. Fielding reproachfully, "why could you not have
+said so at once without so much beating about the bush?  Really the
+name of Smith was too facile, too obvious.  Now as it happens, I am in
+a position to know where my Lord Tiverton is."
+
+"Oh, sir," says Cynthia, clasping her hands, "I beseech you to tell me
+of his whereabouts."
+
+"Yes, my dear madam," says Mr. Fielding, "that I will, on one
+condition."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia eagerly asked it.
+
+"That you give me a kiss," says Mr. Fielding.  "I vow and protest,
+madam, I never saw a creature more divinely handsome."
+
+My breath was almost taken away by the audacity of the villain, as I
+fear he had intended that it should be.  But what could I contribute to
+the situation beyond a few impotent threats, made in dumb show?  I was
+never had at a greater disadvantage in my life?  It was in vain that
+Cynthia evaded the demand, and besought him by the name of humanity to
+tell her where I lay.  The spirit of mischief in the fellow, inflamed
+by the quantity of wine he had drunk, caused him to brook no denial.
+
+"Come, my dear madam," says he, "one kiss from those dainty lips is all
+I seek.  Then i'faith shall you know where your husband lies."
+
+"You are no gentleman, sir," says Cynthia, with more spirit than she
+had yet shown.
+
+"No, only a justice of the peace," says he.
+
+"It is cruel of you," says Cynthia, flaming, "to drive such a bargain
+in these circumstances.  You know it is not in my power to say you nay
+when so much is at stake."
+
+"To be sure I do," says he, favouring me with a triumphing look.  "And
+as for the cruelty of it, surely the onus of that matter lies with you.
+Is it not your adorable sex that provokes that which it denies?  It is
+ever a point with me that if I can ever take any little revenge upon
+you, I take it with an easy conscience, knowing full well that you
+beauteous ladies have scored up such a heavy tally of cruelties as can
+never be expunged.  Besides, madam, where is this cruelty you speak of?
+Am I not at least as well favoured as this ugly profligate Lord
+Tiverton of yours; and is there not the additional advantage of my not
+being your lawful wedded husband?"
+
+"I would that Lord Tiverton were here to hear you say this," says
+Cynthia indignantly.
+
+"Bah," says Mr. Fielding, "the water-blooded fellow, I would that he
+were too, then I with five pints of good claret in me would prove upon
+his miserable person how mean a figure he doth cut."
+
+It was with the utmost difficulty that I could hold back at this
+challenge.  I might be very drunk, and therefore doubly disposed to
+resent such wanton insults; but I was also sober enough to be aware
+that they were not prompted by ill-nature.  It was a piece of mischief
+merely.  We were entirely at his mercy, and he proposed to torment us
+to death.  Could a fourth person have witnessed this play, he would
+have found it a truly diverting affair.  First Cynthia was made to
+writhe, and then I; and then both of us together; yet at the same time
+each quite unknown to the other; whilst the audacious rogue of a fellow
+mocked at us both, and defied us to prevent ourselves being made
+ridiculous.  The unfortunate Cynthia was led on by his disparagement of
+me to take up the cudgels warmly on my behalf.  The sly look of
+satisfaction that shone in him when she did so, was proof enough, if
+any were needed, that she was still ministering to his diversion.
+
+"I give you the lie there, sir," says she angrily.  "How dare you
+presume to malign such a noble brave gentleman!  You utter behind his
+back that which you dare not utter to his face."
+
+"Good a thousand times," says Mr. Fielding.  "This is delightful.
+Harkee, my noble, brave gentleman, and tell me if I do not utter it to
+your face!"
+
+I clenched my fists; I vowed to myself I would not suffer this impudent
+sport another minute.  But then there was no gainsaying that I was
+abominably drunk; that my pretty innocent was but a child; and that it
+was our wedding-day.  Come what may, I must bear with the fellow's mad
+humour for the present, and requite him in a more seasonable hour.
+
+Cynthia might be angry and I extremely discomposed, but Mr. Fielding
+still pressed his jest.
+
+"No, madam, I will not be put off with your arrogance," says he.  "I
+demand one token from those charming lips as the price of the
+satisfaction that you seek."
+
+Covered with a modest confusion, Cynthia was preparing to comply with
+this demand unwillingly enough, when I was no longer able to contain my
+just resentment.  Whatever the consequences, we should not be flouted
+so.  Therefore as the impudent fellow was in the very act of forcing
+this concession from her, I threw caution to the winds, and sprang
+forth from my concealment in a violent rage.  I aimed a mighty blow at
+Mr. Fielding's head; but what with my impetuosity, combined with my
+drunken condition, I miscalculated the distance sadly, and instead of
+getting home on that audacious person, missed him entirely, and fell
+full length at Cynthia's feet.
+
+Between her distressed exclamations and Mr. Fielding's immoderate
+laughter I was got up again, to find myself a little sobered by the
+fall.  With a joyful recognition of me, and a truly withering glance of
+contempt for Mr. Fielding, neither of which I can positively depict,
+Cynthia fell into my arms, and showered upon me those salutes Mr.
+Fielding had been so importunate to obtain.  But I must confess that I
+received them with a great deal more of shame than pleasure; for Mr.
+Fielding regarded us with such a degree of boisterousness, that the
+bitter fact suddenly came upon me that in my guilt I had committed her
+to the tender mercies of a person even more drunk than I was myself.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIV
+
+AMANTIUM IRAE
+
+"Curse my jacket," says the drunken fellow, "if this is not the first
+time I have kissed a wife in the presence of her husband."
+
+"It shall be the last, sir," I hiccoughed furiously.
+
+"What words are these to use before a lady?" says Mr. Fielding, amiably
+measuring out glasses of wine for the three of us.  "If I were not the
+most easy man in the world, I vow and protest it should be coffee and
+pistols at five."
+
+"By God, sir, it shall be whatever you are," says I, holding on by the
+table.  "I swear I will pup--punish you for this."
+
+"Well, as you are determined to pup--punish me," says he, "here is
+another glass of Tommie's claret, another hair of the dog that bit you,
+to confirm you in that meritorious resolve."
+
+As he laughingly offered me the glass of wine, Cynthia came forward and
+took it from him.  But instead of giving it to me, she flung both the
+wine and the glass in his face.  Whereon he stood with the claret
+dripping from his features, and the blood too where the broken glass
+had cut his forehead, so that he made the very picture of his own
+Parson Adams, when he was assailed in a similar way by the hostess of
+the inn with the pan of hog's blood.
+
+Poor Cynthia stood white and trembling, but she never once looked at me
+for counsel or countenance.  The tears were in her eyes too, but she
+never uttered so much as a word of reproach, although I am sure her
+misery was very great.  I never felt such a mean villain and coward in
+my life as I did then.
+
+"Come," says she, "let us leave these--these people."
+
+Here she threw such a glance at the sleeping justice that must have
+pierced him to the marrow had he but been conscious of it.  By this,
+however, Mr. Fielding with the aid of his silk handkerchief had wiped a
+good deal of the wine and blood from his features, and stood staunching
+the wound on his forehead.  A more truly whimsical expression I never
+observed in any man before.  There was a highly comic look of
+contrition, humility, and self-abnegation in him, and withal an air of
+the most perfect good-breeding, that could not possibly have been more
+contrary to his appearance.  Although Cynthia was white and speechless
+with anger, and she had made what might easily have been construed into
+a very unprovoked attack on a benefactor, Mr. Fielding behaved,
+whatever his faults, as only a true gentleman could have done.
+Cynthia's act had brought him to his senses; he saw that he had pushed
+the matter too far; but after all he did not apprehend, as I more
+shrewdly did, that the head and front of his offending lay, not so much
+in his own conduct, as in that he had been the inspirer of mine.
+
+"I crave a thousand pardons of you, madam," says he, "if I have been so
+unlucky as to carry a jest farther than a jest should go.  Perchance it
+was not conceived in quite the best taste at the outset; but at least I
+make you all amends.  I am sure I am your duteous humble servant,
+madam, if you will but permit me to be so."
+
+Only a person with the instincts of a true gentleman could have shown
+such a punctilious regard for the feelings of another, and such a
+disregard for his own.  For in a sense he had been deeply provoked, and
+had suffered more indignity on his own part than any that he had
+inflicted on Mrs. Cynthia.  But no, my little madam refused to be
+mollified by his humble demeanour.  She looked steadily past him, as
+though he had ceased to be there at all.  Upon that my own brief spirit
+of anger cooled down immediately; for certainly I thought, considering
+his unhappy plight, poor Fielding was playing a very gallant part.
+
+"I think there is enough said, sir," says I, striving to speak as
+articulately as possible.  "I am sure you do very well; and I am
+equally sure that the apologies should not be all on your side."
+
+Whereon we grasped the hand of one another, and were sworn friends
+again.  Yet although Cynthia would not deign to notice my behaviour one
+way or the other, on the other hand, greatly to Mr. Fielding's
+distress, she would not condone the conduct of that honest fellow.  Her
+imperviousness hurt him the more, I think, because he did not apprehend
+the true reason for it.  She could have forgiven his having smoked her
+so badly, but what she could not forgive was that he had made her
+husband drunk.  I dare say it was that she was acting on the invariable
+principle that a woman will never own her lord and master in the wrong
+to a third person.  And as she must vent her anger on some one, and she
+could not very well vent it on me, the true culprit, Mr. Fielding was
+made to suffer vicariously.
+
+"Come, Jack," says she haughtily, disdaining Mr. Fielding's repeated
+solicitude; "let us wipe the foulness of this disgraceful place off our
+feet.  If daylight came and caught us in it, I could never respect
+myself again."
+
+The stress of these events had done a great deal for my sobriety.  I
+was still acutely conscious of my condition, but I had recovered enough
+of my wits to be able to battle with it successfully.  That being the
+case, I clearly saw that my little one was like to do a great injustice
+to Mr. Fielding.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I conceive you do not know what we owe to the
+generosity of this gentleman.  Had it not been for his friendly offices
+I should have been still in the hands of the constables."
+
+"I had rather you had," says she cruelly, "than that you should have
+passed into his."
+
+Not only was I hurt by such arbitrary behaviour; I was angered by it
+too.  It seemed monstrous that so small a fault in a liberal character
+should be allowed to outweigh the essential goodness of it.
+
+"Cynthia," says I, "I trust you will not refer to our benefactor in
+these terms.  He is far too good a friend of ours to merit your
+reproaches."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia lifted her chin again, and disdained to reply.
+
+"Come," says I, "I would have you take back the expressions you have
+used towards him.  For I am sure no man merited them less."
+
+"Never," says she.
+
+"The lady is overwrought a little," says Mr. Fielding, coming gallantly
+if somewhat unwisely to my aid.  "Is she not weary and distrest?  Sir
+Thomas, were he not otherwise engaged, would be delighted to place a
+chamber at madam's disposal for the remainder of this evening.  May I
+have the honour to do so in his name, for I am sure she is in a great
+need of repose?"
+
+"I thank you, sir," says Cynthia coldly, "but I am surprised that you
+should presume to propose a service that you must know, after what hath
+passed, must be highly distasteful to me."
+
+"You do the gentleman a great wrong," says I, with some heat.  "And I
+am sure, madam, when you look at this matter more reasonably, you will
+be the first to acknowledge it.  I thank you, sir, from the bottom of
+my heart for this kind offer, also for those other services you have
+rendered to us; and I beg to accept it of you, sir, in the name of my
+wife, in the spirit in which it is given."
+
+I thought that some such speech was no more than Mr. Fielding's due,
+but the effect of it was greatly marred by Cynthia's unreasonable
+conduct.  Drawing herself up into all the majesty of her five feet
+nothing, she bowed to us both in an imperious manner.
+
+"I wish you a good evening, Mr.----, I did not catch your name," says
+she.  "You also, my lord, as you choose to remain."
+
+Before we could reply, or any attempt could be made to detain her, she
+turned on her heel and swept forth of the room, straight out of the
+house into the black midnight.  There was no other course open to me
+but to follow her.  But ere I did so, I clasped Mr. Fielding warmly by
+the hand, again thanked him for his generous behaviour, and made some
+sort of an apology for that of Cynthia.  He, good fellow, although
+evidently perturbed that he should have so distrest her, was yet very
+warm on his part too, and as I was going out, slipped the only guinea
+he had in the world into my hand.  I protested strongly and refused to
+take it.
+
+"My dear fellow," says he, "you are ill-advised to refuse it.  I know
+what even that sum must mean to one in your condition, when the hand of
+every man is against you.  To be sure by accepting it you will be a
+guinea better off than your benefactor.  But at least I have a few
+friends left, however little I may merit them; and although it be ever
+my fate to have my character judged by those foibles that I am least
+willing to have it judged by."
+
+Indeed he so insisted on my accepting this highly desirable guinea,
+that there was no other course than to take it, however reluctantly;
+for to have refused it might have seemed churlish.  And Heaven knows
+that it is the last thing I would have risked after what had happened.
+
+"Sir," says I, "I can wish no better than that we should meet again,
+and in happier circumstances.  You have been a true friend, and I hope
+I may live to requite you.  And I hope, sir, you will think no more of
+the humours of my poor little wife; you who have shown such a knowledge
+of the ways of her adorable sex will be the first to condone them in
+her.  You will not forget, sir, that she hath lately been called on to
+endure a great deal."
+
+"More than enough of that matter, my dear fellow," says he heartily.
+
+I am sure he must have been hurt, but he was by far too true-bred a
+gentleman to betray as much.  I fear we were both still a little drunk,
+but I do not think the fervour of our leave-takings owed anything to
+the heat of our brains.  To this day I have always thought of this fine
+spirit, this great master of the science of human nature, with the same
+degree of affection.  As for him, I do not suppose he ever gave me a
+second thought, or if he did, I could be nothing more than a whimsical
+circumstance, a piece of romantical history.  But at the time of our
+parting, his pitiful, generous heart enabled him to feel a very real
+concern for my welfare, and also for that of my wayward little one who
+had treated him so harshly.
+
+No sooner had I left Mr. Fielding waving his frank good-bye from the
+steps of the house, than I set off running in hot pursuit of Cynthia.
+The gate of the porter's lodge at the end of the long dark avenue of
+overhanging trees was just closing upon her, when I overtook her.  She
+was in too proud and defiant a mood to pay any attention to the fact
+that I had done so, and that I was walking greatly out of breath by her
+side.
+
+I followed her implicitly into the weary darkness.  I did not dare to
+break the dogged silence she maintained, and therefore maintained one
+too.  For I had not walked a mile in the cool night air before I was as
+sober as any man could be.  And perfect sobriety brought a new shame
+and a fuller measure of repentance.  Lord knows, I had been drunk often
+enough before; more completely and uproariously so; I had committed far
+greater excesses in that state than any I had been guilty of that
+evening; and yet now for almost the first time I conceived a disgust
+for such a folly.  Lord knows, I am so little of a pietist that the
+sense of humiliation which came upon me as I walked by the side of the
+silent Cynthia was so foreign to my character, that I almost laughed at
+myself for suffering it.  Yet at the same time I was bitterly angry
+with myself.  No man's weaknesses could have led him to play a more
+unworthy part.
+
+As we walked mile upon mile on the dark, tree-shadowed highway that led
+to anywhere, everywhere, and nowhere, there never was so moral a person
+as I outside the moral pages of Mr. Richardson.  Self-abasement creaked
+out of my boots, self-reproach fluttered out of my brains,
+self-abnegation beat out of my heart.  I forget the name of the Moral
+Muse; indeed, now I come to think of it, there is most probably none
+such among them, for I fear they are baggages all.  But in the name of
+the righteous lady, whoever she be, was there ever such a hang-dog
+rogue as I?--such a whipt cur with his tail between his legs?
+
+Hours came and hours went, the steeples of neighbouring village
+churches chimed two o'clock, three and four, but still we wandered on,
+while never a word passed from one to the other.  At times I feared my
+poor little one was crying softly to herself, but I had not the courage
+to attempt to find out if that were so.  Instead, my fingers would
+tighten on Mr. Fielding's guinea, whereon such a poignancy would be
+added to my sufferings that I was tempted at times to cast his money
+incontinently to the road, as a heroic but not very intelligible
+concession to them, in the hope that I might purchase at that price a
+moment's surcease to my pains.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XV
+
+AMORIS INTEGRATIO: WE ARE CLAPT IN THE STOCKS
+
+The measure of Cynthia's resentment might be inferred from that of her
+endurance.  The weary silent miles she trudged along must have called
+forth a great impetus from within, for without that stimulus the poor
+little creature must have drooped and flagged upon the dark road long
+ere she did.  It was not until the birds began to chirp in the trees,
+and the grey face of the dawn began to speckle the darkness that she
+abated her defiant paces.  But once she had begun to do so, the
+weakness grew rapidly upon her.
+
+Presently she stumbled and nearly fell.  Then it was I took the courage
+to venture on the first of my penitent advances.  I lightly touched her
+shoulder to support her.  Finding that she had not the strength, I
+hardly dare say the inclination, to resist, I took her at last by the
+arm, very tenderly at first, but then a little more firmly, and then
+more firmly still.  Thus, without a word passing on the side of either,
+the sense of our comradeship was re-established.  If I could not feel
+that I was forgiven, I might take the comfort to myself that I was
+suffered.
+
+It soon grew apparent, now that the meridian of poor Cynthia's wrath
+was overpast, that the child would have to pay the price of it.  She
+became a very weight in my arms, and with the first beams of daylight
+was ready to faint with fatigue.  In the reaction of her mood she
+yielded herself to my will as readily and completely as ever.
+Therefore, to spare her as much as I could, I seized the first occasion
+to give her a place of rest.
+
+In the little light there were no houses to be seen, and even had there
+been, it was too early to hope to gain sanctuary in them.  There was a
+wood, however, close at hand, whither I partly led and partly carried
+her.  Within its warm and dry recesses, I selected a couch of green
+earth for her underneath a great tree, whose rough bark made something
+of a pillow for her head.  First, I took off my great-coat and spread
+it on the ground as comfortably as I could, placed her upon it, and
+then divesting myself of my thick, rough jacket wrapped her snugly in
+it.  The poor child was no sooner fixed in a position of some little
+comfort than she fell fast asleep.
+
+While she was very mercifully occupied thus, I spent several hours in
+pacing up and down the glades of the wood to keep myself warm, for,
+after all, in the air of the dawn, the sleeves of one's shirt are no
+very adequate protection.  To diversify this occupation I hunted an
+occasional squirrel, but with no prospect of catching one; and lay in
+wait, stone in hand, for many a white-tailed rabbit, but did so in
+vain.  Indeed, the only good fortune that fell to me in these nefarious
+pursuits was the discovery of a bird's-nest with several fine eggs in
+it.  But somehow I had not the heart to disturb those exquisite things;
+it may have been, especially as a small piece of sentiment may not come
+amiss even to the sworn enemies of it on an occasion of this kind, that
+the distrest birds and the distrest Cynthia had something in common.
+
+Any lingering fumes of wine being long since out of my head, thanks to
+the operations of the wholesome open air, I grew conscious of a very
+distinct craving for food about eight of the clock.  It was then that
+the thought of the generous Mr. Fielding's guinea proved such a source
+of solid comfort.  One must be a vagrant by the wayside, dependent on
+chance for one's crusts of bread, to experience what the contemplation
+of twenty-one shillings sterling means, when that contemplation is
+sharpened and assisted by a biting hunger.  In the days of my material
+greatness, not my houses, lands, revenues, not all my precious
+possessions had the power to bestow upon me that inexpressible sense of
+delightful anticipation which Mr. Fielding's guinea was able to do.  A
+whole guinea to a desperately hungry mortal who for two days had begged
+his bread!  What would it not purchase?  How much sheer honest feeding
+did it represent!  It would permit of delicate feeding, too, for
+Cynthia.  A fine lusty mutton-pasty for the earl; and a bowl of
+cream-covered milk, flanked with the whitest bread and the purest
+butter, for his countess.
+
+Cynthia still slept so soundly that I could not find it in my heart to
+rouse her.  Quite a long time I debated within myself whether to leave
+her thus whilst I betook myself to the nearest house in quest of food.
+At last, as she showed no signs of waking yet, I determined to do so.
+Fixing the spot with particular care in my mind where she lay, I went
+off briskly on my errand.  Happily a farm-house of goodly size was but
+a little distant; and here, by the aid of the magic guinea, was I
+accommodated, though, to be sure, without any special degree of favour.
+And at least my appearance could not be said to merit it.  I was
+without my coat, my clothes were coarse, and the worse for travel, I
+still bore a black eye, and the small wound at the side of my head was
+still rendered visible by the blood that had dried about it.  But as I
+had promised myself I got a draught of most excellent ale, a
+mutton-pasty too, which I bore along with me to eat at my leisure;
+whilst I procured for Cynthia a jug of warm milk, and fresh butter
+spread on some dainty slices of bread.
+
+As soon as I returned to the place where Cynthia lay, she awoke,
+wonderfully refreshed and with no trace of the distresses of the
+previous night about her.  She gave expression to her delight when I
+proudly produced her breakfast; whereon I redonned my coat.  And no
+sooner did she observe the use to which it had been put, than she
+upbraided me for discarding it.  Seating myself beside her, we made a
+perfectly admirable meal, but perhaps it was not after all our keen
+hunger that made the best sauce to it, but rather the fact that we were
+both in our natural minds again, and that our differences were
+forgotten.  All the same, I devoutly hoped that my dear Cynthia would
+not pause to inquire from what source the royal breakfast sprang.  I
+had no wish, you may be sure, to associate it with Mr. Fielding,
+however black the ingratitude.  Happily the question was not asked.
+
+When we had made our meal in this happy fashion, we repaired to the
+farm-house from which it had been obtained, to crave permission to
+perform our ablutions.  By paying for the same, we were able to make
+them in some comfort.  Like the arrant spendthrifts that we were, money
+was no object to us so long as our fortune lasted.  This accomplished,
+we set off again wonderfully refreshed in mind and body.  It was a
+sweetly fair spring morning, that made us step forth blithely.  It
+takes a very old and hardened cynic to resist nature at her vernal
+period.  And I think our reconciliation added to our happiness,
+although not once did we allude to the unlucky events of the night
+before.  But we exhibited such a fine consideration for one another
+now, and were so scrupulous of every little detail of our demeanour one
+towards the other, as plainly showed that the articles of peace were
+being heartily subscribed to by us both.  All the way it was, "Let me
+carry thy coat, my pretty one," or "Darling, walk this side of me in
+the shade lest the sun should overpower you," or "I do hope this bright
+sunshine will not affect your poor, broken pate."
+
+Sedulously avoiding all places of any size, lest our enemies should be
+lurking in them, we selected a modest roadside inn, in which to rest at
+mid-day, having left, I think, the town of Guildford some two miles to
+our right.  Here we ate and drank again with a degree of comfort that,
+considering our low estate, was quite luxurious.  So discreetly had we
+ordered the reckoning too, that there would be means enough left to us
+to furnish us with supper and a bed at some similar unpretentious inn
+when evening came.  You may believe me, or believe me not, but merely
+to think of sleeping once again on a bed of feathers, after having
+passed the best part of the two previous nights and days afoot, was
+almost a distracting pleasure.  I suppose a beggar's happiness consists
+solely in his belly and his bones; and even if it is not of the highest
+kind, what can be so intimate and full of zest?
+
+The evening came without any adventure worthy to be recorded.  We still
+kept well off the beaten tracks and were therefore so happy as not to
+encounter runners from Bow Street, indignant parents, nor scheming
+rivals.  The inn we selected was an ungenteel one enough in a remote
+village; and that night we supped and lay in it in conscious state, and
+royally spent the last of Mr. Fielding's guinea on a breakfast the
+following morning.  It was wanton in us, I dare say, to spend such a
+sum in a fashion so prodigal, but as yet our extremity had taught us no
+measure of prudence.  Besides, when we had not the wherewithal, were we
+not imbued with the excitements of those hunters who pursue for their
+needs?  It is an incomparable kind of sport to seek for food and
+lodging with devil a farthing to purchase it.
+
+With every penny of our late fortune squandered, we were again reduced
+to this employ.  It was then I bethought me of the gypsy's flute.  I
+bore it still in the pocket of my cloak; and had improvised several
+melodies already upon it to cheer our lonely way.  Thus, when we came
+to a village about noon, wanting refreshment and even a penny to
+furnish it, I boldly took forth the instrument and blew it for all I
+was worth as we walked slowly along the principal street.  Probably my
+notes were lustier and in better tune than is ordinary with others of
+this profession; or again, even an itinerant musician may have been a
+strange bird in this out-of-the-way place; for be it known that when
+Cynthia holding my hat in her hand sweetly importuned every staring
+yokel and every opened window with her daintiest smile and her
+gracefullest curtesy, we had acquired the sum of fourpence, mostly in
+halfpence, by the time we had come to the village alehouse.  Thither we
+repaired to invest this reward of our toil in as good a repast of bread
+and cheese and ale as could be obtained for the money.  We seasoned it
+by a fine argument as to whom the credit of it belonged.  I vowed it
+was my fine playing that was alone responsible for it; whilst Cynthia
+was equally firm in her conviction that it was entirely due to the
+elegance of her solicitations.
+
+We were mightily pleased with a prospect that offered a new source of
+revenue.  But ere long we were doomed to discover that it was not fair
+as we had supposed, and that it had its drawbacks.  This melancholy
+incident happened the very next time we put it in practice.  The scene
+of it was a somewhat larger village than the first, and we attracted
+such an amount of attention that I believe Cynthia collected as much as
+sevenpence in a very little while.  And so encouraged were we by the
+amount of favour with which we were received that we were emboldened to
+give a kind of set performance in front of the village ale-house.  It
+had even been decided that Cynthia should sing a love ballad, for she
+had a very sweet voice and was prettily accomplished in the use of it.
+
+Everything prospered with us admirably well for some time.  An audience
+gathered about us; and although a little inclined to be abashed at
+first, we overcame those feelings very soon and gave our singing and
+music with great spirit.  But just before we had come to the conclusion
+of the last piece, the throng was invaded by several stalwart fellows,
+amongst whom were the beadle of the parish and the squire of the place,
+both highly indignant to be sure.  The latter was red and fat and full
+of choler.
+
+"Take 'em both, Thomas," says he, wonderfully angry and stern, "and
+they shall be clapt into the stocks, sink me so they shall.  The idea
+of two vagrant wretches daring to affront me thus under my very nose.
+There shall be no playing of profane tricks and loud music in this
+parish, curse me if there shall be."
+
+Meanwhile the beadle, in the exercise of his authority, had twice set
+his dirty hands on my coat, and twice had I gently but firmly removed
+them.
+
+"I will venture to say we are doing no harm to any one, sir," says I to
+the squire, controlling my resentment as well as I could, and striving
+to ape a humility I did not feel.  "And surely, sir, you will not be
+too hard on poor people."
+
+This fellow, however, was plainly of that tribe that loves to exult
+over the weak.  It was his pleasure to display a greater and more
+despotic authority the less occasion there was for its exercise.  The
+meeker he found us the more unbending was his indignation.
+
+"How dare you venture to address me, you wandering vagabond?" says he.
+"Your damnable impertinence does but aggravate your offence.  I will
+see whether you will defy me, I will so.  You shall go to the stocks at
+once, and you may bless your fortune it is not the house of correction."
+
+It needed but a glance to assure us that to resist would be vain.  Not
+only the beadle, but several other persons under the immediate eye of
+this despot, were but too ready to curry favour with him by doing his
+bidding.  In fact, one and all of those present seemed to conceive a
+mighty admiration of his rage.  They felt such a display of anger and
+unfettered will to be sublime.  Therefore, we were pushed and hustled
+with many unnecessary indignities, all the throng following to the
+village green, and were set side by side in the stocks forthwith.  When
+we had been duly affixed in this place of humiliation, the squire made
+us quite a lengthy harangue, not so much I suspect for our edification
+as for the glory of himself.  His anger against us inoffensive
+creatures who answered him not a word, mounted higher and higher till
+it grew truly magnificent.  He stamped and raved and swore; he had a
+mind to do this, and a mind to do that, and 'fore God he would if it
+were not for the abominable leniency of his character.  The beadle kept
+nodding his head, and fretted himself into a kind of ecstasy of
+admiration of the squire's remarks; whilst the villagers could be heard
+to say to one another: "Lord, an't squire noble angry-like to be sure."
+But neither of us retorted on the fellow by so much as a word, and I
+think we were well advised not to do so, for had we but unbosomed
+ourselves of a very small part of what was in our hearts he might have
+had a real grievance to set against us.
+
+Therefore we both regarded him in silence, and strove to maintain a
+demeanour of the coldest disdain.  It was not very easy, to be sure, in
+that posture, with jeers and humiliation besetting us on every side.
+Yet we persevered in it so well that presently it did not fail in its
+effect.  For our persecutor was such a poltroon at heart that although
+we were secured and quite at his mercy, he no sooner observed that we
+scorned him, than the torrent of his eloquence grew sensibly less.  So
+long as we were humble and appeared to shrink and tremble before him,
+his rage knew no bounds.  But the moment we called in a little disdain
+to our aid, he grew less certain of himself, and was so baffled and
+held in check by it, that at last he bethought himself that he would
+best serve his dignity by taking himself off.  His parasite the beadle
+went with him, but a considerable number of the yokels stayed to keep
+us company.  Their disposition was to make sport of our misfortune.
+But how true is that old saw--so the master, so the man.
+
+For with a good deal of difficulty, as you may guess, we managed to
+preserve an appearance of mighty dignified unconcern, however far we
+might be from feeling it, and contrived to converse one with another in
+a perfectly natural and amiable manner, for all the world as though we
+were not sitting in the stocks at all, but in the village alehouse.  In
+the face of such a fine contempt the spectators were just as much at a
+loss as ever the squire had been.  They were there to bully and bait
+us, but under our unwavering eyes had not the courage to do so.  Indeed
+it seemed to involve such a degree of initiative on their part to kick
+two persons who after all were not thoroughly and effectually knocked
+down, that one by one they followed the example of the squire and slunk
+away.
+
+When the best part of these idle and mischievous persons had departed,
+and our admirers were diminished to about a score of the village
+urchins who were not to be so easily daunted, says I to my little
+companion, who to be sure had been wonderfully steadfast through all
+our misfortunes:
+
+"I think, your ladyship, we shall best forget the distresses of our
+present situation by arrogating to ourselves the grandeur of our former
+state.  How was the dear queen when you saw her last?  Had she quite
+recovered of her whooping-cough?"
+
+"Oh yes, I thank your lordship," says Cynthia glibly.  "But surely your
+lordship was at the levee last Tuesday month?"
+
+"No, rat me if I was," says I, with a languid air.  "The fact of the
+matter is, I have not the taste for these routs and drums and crushes
+and assemblies.  My father, the late lord, I have heard boast that he
+never missed above three in thirty years.  But I think your ladyship
+will be the first to own that in these days the _haut ton_ is not so
+vastly energetic as it once was.  For myself, I would be the first to
+confess that the practices and observances of the genteel and polite
+world weary me to distraction.  I never get into my Court suit but what
+I die of fatigue in the operation!"
+
+"His Grace of Middlesex I have heard speak to the same tenor," says
+Cynthia; "and often enough have I heard her grace the duchess reprove
+it in him."
+
+"I think," says I, "it was a fashion that first obtruded itself in the
+Prince of Wales."
+
+"Ah, the dear prince!" says she.  "How like his poor dear Royal
+Highness it is, to be sure!  I hope your lordship was not with him at
+that particular drawing-room where he took off so many of the gentlemen
+to play a game at basset or hazard or what not in the antechamber."
+
+"Primero, your ladyship," says I gravely.
+
+It was in this edifying fashion that we supported ourselves in our
+present trials.  Our conversation was carried to the very heights of
+the genteel, and was chiefly concerned with the Royal Family.  We
+mentioned nobody under a peer, and contrived to bring in those great
+persons in a highly inept and fashionable manner.  Had any one heard
+our conversation they must have marvelled to know how two people so
+vastly polite and who moved in such exalted circles could ever have
+come in that place.  The smack of humour in the thing was undeniable,
+but I am not sure that we did not retail those details, anecdotes, and
+reminiscences in the mincing, clipping tone of St. James's as much for
+a vindication of ourselves and a salve for our wounded feelings as for
+the whimsicality of the occupation.
+
+We were still beguiling the time in this way when the beadle came to
+release us.  In the performance of this office he gave us a great deal
+of advice that we could very well have dispensed with.  He was also
+charged with a message from the squire as to how much more serious the
+consequences would be if either of us were caught in those parts again.
+Having at last obtained our freedom, we were not long in shaking the
+dust of this unlucky parish off our feet.
+
+As we went away we were a good deal disconcerted by the turn our
+affairs were taking.  It was already growing dark, and sensibly colder,
+and worse, it was coming on to rain.  And we had but a matter of
+sevenpence to provide us with the supper that we should soon be greatly
+in need of, and a protection from the night's inclemency.  To have had
+recourse to the flute once more, and I gravely doubt after what had
+happened whether we should have had the stomach to have done so, would
+not have served us.  We were a long way from the next village, and the
+evening had already come.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVI
+
+WE ARE SO SORELY TRIED THAT WE FAIN HAVE RECOURSE TO OUR WITS
+
+Hand-in-hand we trudged along valiantly.  The rain came, at first a
+thin, hesitating haze, then with a quicker patter and a brisker
+resolution, which presently settled into a steady sullen all-night
+down-pour.  We were very well shod, happily, and we drew our cloaks
+tightly about us, and turned our faces to the deluge.  To pass the
+night in the open air in weather of this sort was impossible, but we
+were like to be in the predicament of that first evening out of London.
+Once more were we wholly ignorant of the way, were in great discomfort
+of body, and had no wherewithal by which we could relieve it.  We were
+again called on to endure all the discomforts inseparable from our lot.
+The only sound from the great darkness that covered the land was the
+squish of the water under our feet, and the ceaseless twitter of the
+rain on the road.  Although our clothes were a steaming burden, and
+clung about us in a sop, we tried not to be daunted.  We pursued our
+way through mud and puddles, resisting the hunger and weariness that
+crept so insidiously upon us.  And whatever the outward conditions of
+our state I don't think we minded greatly.  The example of one another
+kept us from flagging, even as the possession of one another kept us
+from complaining.
+
+At last, having dragged our weary limbs up a steep hill, and having
+crested the brow, we saw all at once quite a number of lights gleaming
+below in the valley.  It was plainly a considerable place, to judge by
+them; and though it was in our best interests to keep away from all
+towns and villages of any size and importance, on this occasion we did
+not pay much heed to these scruples, but went boldly and gladly towards
+it.
+
+"But what shall we profit when we get there?" says Cynthia.  "We have
+but a matter of sevenpence between us, which will avail us little
+enough for food and a lodging.  And I am sure there will be nobody to
+be found who will extend their charity to such a pair of drenched
+beggars as we are.  Oh, what can we possibly do!"
+
+I pondered on this hard problem for a full minute.  Cynthia's gloomy
+views were hopelessly right.  We were indeed a pair of beggars,
+homeless and destitute.  But we could not walk about all through that
+wretched wet night on the open road.  We must find some asylum for our
+weariness, if only a cow-hovel as it had been formerly.  This night,
+however, put us in no mind for that kind of thing.  We longed for the
+luxuries of a bright fire at which to dry our clothes, a warm supper at
+which to defeat the dismal weather, and a snug bed afterwards.  But how
+could we make sevenpence go so far?  Beat my brains as I might, I could
+find no solution to this hard problem.  Yet we both yearned for these
+comforts so keenly, that at last we came to the resolve that we would
+obtain them by hook or by crook, if not by fair means, by those more
+desperate, and be hanged to the consequences!  Accordingly, when we
+arrived at the first house in the place, I thrilled Cynthia by boldly
+knocking on the door, and thrilled her further by more boldly asking
+the title of the principal inn.  As it bore the promising name of the
+Angel, and was less than half-a-mile along that very road, and was said
+to be a remarkably good inn, we were encouraged to push on in search of
+it.
+
+"Oh, Jack," says poor Cynthia nervously, "whatever will the
+consequences be?  It must be quite a public place; the landlord will
+certainly ask to see our money before he serves us, such a poor vagrant
+pair must we seem in the eyes of everybody; some of those horrid Bow
+Street runners may be there too, or possibly my father.  And if we take
+that for which we are unable to pay, we may get sent to prison, or----"
+
+"Put in the stocks," says I.
+
+Cynthia shuddered, and then laughed a little.
+
+"I don't think," says she, "we shall ever fear that indignity again.
+At least we came triumphantly through that ordeal."
+
+"Merely by being bold," says I, "and the exercise of our sense of
+mirth.  And that is what will be demanded of us in the adventure that
+is before us.  Let us play our parts as bravely here, and I am
+convinced that we shall come out of it just as successfully.  Let us be
+bold and take our courage in our hands, and I'll answer for it we'll
+get a supper, a fire, a bottle, and a bed, and no questions asked.  But
+only a sufficient hardihood can do it, do you understand?  We must not
+bear ourselves as a pair of beggars at this inn, but rather as persons
+of consideration and great place.  You must be daughter to the duke, my
+prettiness, and I will be a devil of a peer."
+
+"That is all very fine, Jack," says Cynthia, who on occasion could be
+very shrewd, "but how are we to reconcile our lost and destitute state
+with our exalted degree?
+
+"A most happy idea," says I, suddenly seized with the same.  "I have it
+exactly.  We must be a pair of travellers who have been set on by a
+highwayman, turned out of our carriage, and robbed of all our money and
+valuables."
+
+"Yes," urged Cynthia, "but what carriage can we have to show?"
+
+"We can provide for that too," says I, in the throes of invention.
+"Our servants were so affrighted at the highwayman's appearance, that
+they made off pell-mell, carriage and all, without once stopping to
+look behind them."
+
+"A not very plausible story," urged Cynthia again.
+
+"I agree with you there," says I, "but we must strengthen any defects
+in our tale by the vigour and sincerity of its narration.  We must play
+our parts at the very height of our ability, and the landlord, whoever
+he is, shall be put to it very hard to catch us tripping.  A bold
+demeanour and a loud voice go a long way in these days.  I can smell
+that supper already, and I feel my feet to be toasting before the warm
+blaze.  And here we are to be sure under the very sign of the house, as
+goodly a country hostel i'faith as I ever saw, at which to arrive on a
+pouring wet night."
+
+Forsooth we were already come to the door.  By its substantial,
+well-lit, comfortable look, and the space in front of it, it had the
+appearance of a coaching inn.  And for that matter it did not call for
+much observation to prove such to be the case.  It stood at the
+junction of four roads.  The one that had carried us thither was a
+by-road, running at this point across one of the main coaching
+highways.  When we discovered this to be the case we paused a moment.
+There was a degree of publicity about such a hostelry that we could
+have very well done without.  We were certainly taking a great risk
+lest our enemies should enter it; and again, the charges were likely to
+be high.  Yet it took only a brief reflection to decide us.  We were
+utterly cold, hungry and jaded, our cloaks were soaked with rain, and
+the mud rose above our ankles.  Therefore leaving discretion outside in
+the rain, we entered boldly.
+
+The chamber we found ourselves in was in singular and delightful
+contrast to the conditions from which we had emerged.  It was brightly
+lit, a rare wood fire crackled and sputtered on the hearth, and threw
+its shadows on the oaken panellings.  An incomparable smell of cookery
+pervaded it, and a table was laid for supper.  The whole apartment was
+spotlessly clean, replete with comfort, and altogether was a model of
+what such a room should be in an inn of the better sort.
+
+The room had only one occupant; he, a gentleman who sat at his ease,
+waiting for his supper in a chair by the brisk fire.  He was a
+wonderfully handsome man, young, bold-eyed, and with a look of gay
+impudence more winning than displeasing.  He threw up his eyes as soon
+as we entered and frankly took our measure.  He went over us from top
+to toe with the frank audacity of a pretty woman or a child.  He was
+plainly a little puzzled by us.  He could not reconcile our appearance
+with our address.  We must indeed have looked to a stranger at that
+moment the most draggle-tailed couple that ever came out of Bridewell.
+But we had got all our best town airs about us too, and the contrast
+between our state and our address must have been ludicrous, truly.
+
+We had hardly got in to the room ere the landlord came bustling
+forward.  His mode of assessing the character of his guests was more
+peremptory.  We were in a wretched plight, and had come afoot without
+baggage and unattended.  He gave us one shrewd contemptuous glance and
+says:
+
+"You are come to the wrong house, are you not, master?  The Chequers, a
+bit further along the road to your left, is more in your style, I'm
+thinking.  The quality comes to this house, dy'e see?"
+
+"God bless my soul," I roared, "was there ever such effrontery!  Why,
+you pot-bellied ruffian, I would knock you down as flat as your own ale
+were it not for fatigue and the presence of a lady.  The wrong house,
+is it?  Do you take us for a pair of pickers and stealers then, you
+beer-barrel!  Call a chambermaid this minute and have her ladyship
+taken to the best bedroom you have got in the place, or I will rub my
+boots into the small of your fat back, upon mine honour so I will."
+
+A less forcible method of address might have permitted of a
+controversy, in which we should have everything to lose and nothing
+whatever to gain.  But this fine assault, this taking of the landlord
+by storm, completely disarmed him.  In an instant his demeanour
+completely changed, as is usual with those of his kidney.  From the
+contemptuous critic he was transformed into the grovelling lackey.  On
+the instant he was ours to command.  With many bows and congees he was
+soon inquiring what we would have for supper, and which wine we would
+prefer.  He also presumed that our luggage and attendants would
+presently arrive.
+
+"Devil a bit of it," says I.  "Neither one nor the other will you see
+this night.  Our wretched rogues have had such a fright that I will bet
+my leg they never draw rein until they make the blessed town o' London.
+A murrain upon them, and may they die of a vertigo!"
+
+The landlord clasped his palms in a fine attitude of humility,
+curiosity and awe.
+
+"Lord save us!" says he, "what can have happened to your lordship?"
+
+"Why, something that is always happening to us, of course," says I,
+with a great air of a glib matter of fact.  "One of these pestilential
+highwaymen stopped us and tried us on this very road, not five miles
+off.  Cocked his ugly mug through the carriage-window as cool as a
+church, and had us step out of our cushions into the pouring rain.
+Took our money and jewels off us before you could say your prayers.
+And not content with all this, burn me for a heretick! if out of pure
+wantonness this villain did not discharge his barker across the nose of
+the leader, and away they flew downhill to the devil before we could
+jump in again.  They are miles away ere this, and lord knows how we
+shall contrive to return to town."
+
+I suppose there must have been a nice tone of verisimilitude in this
+tissue of lies, or a ring of truth in my tone, or an expression of
+perfect veracity in my eyes, for the landlord put never another
+question to us upon that matter, but accepted my heart-moving tale with
+a mien of deep solicitude.  I think I must be unusually gifted in this
+particular, since this bold story worked on his credulity to such a
+remarkable degree.  And either our supposed misadventures or my command
+of great oaths must have invested us in the landlord's mind with the
+indisputable evidences of high quality, for his obeisances grew
+profounder for the recital, and though by our own confession we had not
+a penny about us with which to requite him, he proposed to entertain us
+to the utmost of his capacity.
+
+"Your lordship and your ladyship will doubtless prefer an entirely
+private apartment in which to sup," says he.  "If you will very kindly
+bear with this one while a fire is lighted in another, I will go about
+it at once, and also prepare you as good a meal as it is in the power
+of this poor place to furnish."
+
+However, as I was rather taken than otherwise with the appearance of
+the solitary occupant of this room, and even more so by the rare warmth
+and comfort of it, I was fain to suggest that if our company was not
+disagreeable to the present occupant, we should be well content to stay
+where we were, and take our supper in his society.  And, indeed, the
+frank, amused, wonderfully naive countenance he turned on the
+innkeeper, and the air of perfect good-breeding with which he asked the
+honour of our company at his table, promised excellent companionship to
+follow.  I having gratefully accepted his offer, he very politely
+insisted that I should choose the wine, adding that our host kept a
+very tolerable cellar, and paid a particular compliment to the Burgundy.
+
+In a variety of amiable ways we were very well advanced in a
+companionship long before supper was served.  Our friend, in addition
+to his handsome looks and elegant manners, appeared to have a good deal
+of knowledge of the world.  His tastes, too, seemed extremely refined.
+He was well versed in Dryden, Virgil, and Shakespeare, and passed the
+highest encomiums on the genius of Mr. Henry Fielding.  He contributed
+some excellently apposite remarks to the long-standing controversy
+respecting the merits of the author of _Tom Jones_ in comparison with
+those of the author of _Clarissa_.  To my extreme gratification he
+declared strongly for the former, whereon Mrs. Cynthia, following the
+fashion of her sex, took up the cudgels very warmly for the latter.
+
+"My dear madam," says our friend, laughing in his musical tones, "the
+difference between those two authors is that between honest, searching
+brandy punch and tea twice watered with a good deal of sugar in it."
+
+"That is doubtless the case," says Cynthia.  "But whereas the one may
+degrade a man to the level of a beast,"--I will do her the justice of
+saying she laid no particular stress on this simile, neither did she
+look at me, greatly to my relief--"the other is perfectly harmless,
+wholesome and stimulating.  Mr. Richardson's morality hath never been
+impeached, but Mr. Fielding's hath never been defended."
+
+"It is not always the person who lifts up his voice the loudest, madam,
+who is the most worthy to be heard," says our friend gravely.  "Nor is
+it he who makes the best parade of his virtue who is invariably the
+most valuable member of society.  I dare say Mr. Fielding would blush
+as much to be found out in a good act as Mr. Richardson would to be
+caught in a bad one; but for all that I would prefer to recommend
+myself to the author of the so-called loose and scandalous _Tom Jones_,
+than he of the so-called high-toned _Clarissa_, were I in need of a
+dinner and a guinea."
+
+"Sir," says I, "you have put the gist of the matter excellently.  You
+are one of the very few persons I have met who hath had the wit to draw
+this essential distinction between the characters of two such diverse
+writers.  What the world is for ever failing to apprehend is that true
+morality, like true religion, has nothing to do with the profession of
+it; and that man who as often as not best serves his species is he who
+least pretends to do so."
+
+Yet no sooner had I ventured to confirm the wisdom of my friend with my
+own opinion, than my dear Mrs. Cynthia began to take my interference as
+a personal matter aimed at her rather than at the argument.  Thus in a
+truly feminine fashion she got upon her dignity and invested her
+championship of Mr. Richardson, and more especially her animadversion
+of Mr. Fielding, with several palpable references to my recent
+behaviour in his company.  At least the unease of my conscience put
+this construction upon her replies, although when I reflected upon the
+matter afterwards I could find no grounds except those of my own guilty
+knowledge for supposing that she was at all acquainted with our meeting.
+
+It was a real relief none the less when our heated discourse on
+morality was at last interrupted by the arrival of the first dish, a
+highly delectable loin of pork flanked with sage and onions.  We sat
+down in much comfort and did ample justice to the fare.  Our friend's
+manners at the table had all the elegance of good-breeding, whilst his
+conversation under the benign influences of excellent dishes and good
+wine was as entertaining and various as any one need listen to.  He was
+at a loss on no subject whatever; and there was such an easy air of
+gallantry about him, too, as commended him extremely to the susceptible
+Cynthia, however they might differ in their opinions on the subject of
+morality.  Indeed his mien was so winning and so perfectly acceptable
+withal to her ladyship, that I could have wished he had less of those
+graces to recommend him.  For I'll swear that her eyes shone to his
+speeches, and there was a fine colour in her cheeks, however
+indignantly she may be moved to deny it.  There was a sly humour in the
+fellow too, which as the meal wore on and the excellence of the fare
+warmed his heart, he manifested in various ways.  To start with, he
+made more than one allusion to our supposed misfortune.  What kind of a
+person was the highwayman, he asked in a tone equally pregnant with
+mischief and concern.
+
+"Oh, pretty tallish," says I, with admirable vagueness and promptitude.
+
+Thereupon he put a vast number of questions all bearing on the
+appearance of our assailant.  Had he a cast in his eye? a scar on his
+lip?  Did he speak with a west country burr? and so forth.  These were
+but a few.  For strive as we would to turn the topic towards something
+that might disconcert us less, he persisted in returning again and
+again to our supposed adventure on the road.  The theme seemed to have
+a kind of fascination for him.  At last it grew too plain that his
+pertinacity had serious purpose behind it.  Either my fencing grew too
+obvious or his queries grew too direct, for I was presently led to see
+that he had formed his own opinion on the matter, and that he proposed
+to convict us out of our own mouths.  It was with an effort therefore
+that I retained my politeness, since the deeper one is in the wrong the
+more is one inclined to resent its being proved against one.
+
+"I should be obliged, sir," says I, "if you will do us the favour of
+forgetting this unfortunate circumstance.  We have already come to
+regard our property as lost, and having made up our minds upon that we
+cease to regret it.  Indeed, we had already dismissed so trivial a
+matter from our minds, and should not have thought fit to recall it,
+had not the predicament of our penury, and the obstinate importunities
+of this fellow the landlord, compelled us to allude to it again.  You
+will vastly oblige me, sir, by ceasing to mention it."
+
+"You are very well schooled in the art of evasion, sir," says the
+other.  "But I am much too greatly interested in this affair to consent
+to its stopping at this.  The manner of the appearance of your adorable
+companion and yourself here in this place this evening perplexes and
+surprises me beyond measure.  I humbly crave your pardon if I may seem
+to transgress the bounds of good taste, sir, but might I venture to ask
+whether you were coming from London or were you going there?"
+
+"Going there," says I incautiously.
+
+"Then I confess," says he smoothly, "my perplexity increases.  If you
+were going to London, how could it happen that you were descending,
+instead of mounting Marling Hill?"
+
+I plainly saw that the fellow had lured me into a trap.
+
+"Really, sir," says I, with some show of heat, "I am sorry that you
+cannot see fit to respect my protests.  You will do me a real service,
+sir, if you will cease to pursue this disagreeable subject."
+
+"I do not doubt you on that last point, sir," says the other.  "And I
+wonder if I might make so bold as to inquire how it befalls that two
+persons who are presumably of the first quality, or at least of great
+gentility, are to be found travelling the country in an attire that the
+meanest of their servants would think twice before they affected?"
+
+"This is insufferable, this is intolerable," says I.  "I decline
+peremptorily to answer such questions.  They are impertinent, sir,
+impertinent; and it grieves me to think that a gentleman of your taste
+and discretion could have thought fit to put them."
+
+However, my annoyance could restrain him no better than my persuasion.
+He laughed openly, and then suddenly cast off the veil.  With a curl at
+his lips, and an unmistakable impudence in his eyes, says he:
+
+"I think the time is come, sir, when we might with profit understand
+one another a little better.  Might we not deal a little more frankly
+with one another, do you not think?  For instance, if you are prepared
+to confess that you have been beset by no highwayman whatever, and the
+whole invention of him, the coach, the valuables, the servants, and the
+horses is a cock-and-bull story intended to divert the attention of our
+honest host from your destitute condition, I am just as prepared to
+accept that statement."
+
+"Sir," says I, "I fear that you forget yourself.  You insult me
+wantonly."
+
+However difficult it may be to condone the truth when it is so
+unblushingly expressed, I was hardly in a position to punish him for
+the publication of it.  Not that it was any sneaking respect for the
+truth that restrained me.  It was rather that I had arrived at years of
+a certain discretion.  Was there not everything in the world to lose
+and nothing whatever to gain by indulging in open passages with a total
+stranger?  Cynthia was at my side, and wholly dependent upon me.  And
+it was her presence and that thought which enabled me to keep so tight
+a rein on my furious inclination.  Meanwhile this person had turned
+such a cool impudent scrutiny upon me that it seemed as though he
+calmly spelt out every phase of thought through which I was at that
+moment passing.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVII
+
+WE MAKE ACQUAINTANCE WITH A PERSON OF DISTINCTION
+
+I was by now worked up to a pretty rage.  The stranger regarded it,
+however, with perfect calmness, not to say enjoyment.
+
+"In your own particular branch of the profession, sir," says he,
+laughing, "I am the first to admit that you do remarkably well.  A good
+carriage, a refined appearance, an excellent address, and a quite
+singular degree of assurance, there is but little wanting to your
+success.  The lady, your fair companion, is wholly admirable.  She hath
+the very look and air of a gentlewoman.  She is vastly engaging too,
+and hath some sweet looks of her own; and I am prepared to say that she
+would reassure the most suspicious of landlords and the most
+incredulous of travellers."
+
+"I protest, sir," says I, "that I do not follow you in the least."
+
+"I think between friends, sir," says the other, "you might reasonably
+drop the high tone.  I am not at all imposed on by it.  Besides, where
+is the need?  Believe me, I am the last man in the world to betray a
+brother in the pursuit of his calling.  I have some few gifts myself,
+and my name for some years past hath been considered an ornament to the
+profession; but whatever my vanity, I am ever foremost in recognizing
+true merit in others.  I have never had the pleasure of meeting you
+before, sir, but the very real talent you have already evinced will
+make William Sadler proud to be numbered among your friends."
+
+Although Mr. William Sadler, whoever he might be, pronounced his name
+in the manner of one who is accustomed to have it greeted with
+flattering recognition, as this was the first time I had happened to
+hear of so exalted a personage, I was unable to pay it the homage I
+think he expected from me.
+
+"You must really pardon me, sir," says I, "but who you are or what your
+name is does not particularly interest me.  I do not remember to have
+heard it before, and certainly as you appear to entertain such strange
+views as to the manner in which friendship is to be conducted, I have
+no very burning desire to hear it again."
+
+At last it seemed I had found in him a tender spot.  The purple
+deepened in his cheeks, and there was a brightness of anger in his
+eyes.  It was plain that to be ignorant of the name of Mr. William
+Sadler was to be guilty of a grave solecism.  But his chagrin was only
+momentary, for he had an admirable command of himself, and at once
+resumed the control of his feelings.
+
+"It strikes me as something of an affectation, sir," says he, "that one
+who practises a very similar calling should yet profess an ignorance of
+a name, which I may say, without making a boast of it, stands foremost
+in a kindred profession, and hath ever been reckoned an honour and an
+embellishment to it.  The name of William Sadler, sir, is known and
+reverenced wherever gentlemen of the pad of all shades and degrees do
+congregate or hold their intercourse.  It grieves me, sir, that such a
+fine example of our calling at its best, as is to be seen in the person
+of yourself, sir, and in that of your fair companion, should yet deny
+the smallest recognition to one who hath been allowed by the ablest
+practitioners of the time, and by publick opinion also, to be worthy of
+his meed of praise."
+
+I confess I was getting out of my depth.  My companion was wholly
+unintelligible to me.  What he meant by his allusions to our kindred
+professions, his own celebrity, and my own skill in an art of which I
+did not even know the name, gravelled me completely.  In his smooth,
+even tones, it was impossible not to find a genuine regret.  But
+methought there was even more of irony in it too, a very delicate irony
+that seemed entirely to consist with his cultivated and polished
+character.  Indeed the man was an enigma altogether.  His manner, his
+appearance, his address were those of a gentleman.  He was an elegant,
+well-informed, well-equipped man of the world, capable of exciting the
+admiration of a lady of quality, as many a time I have been fain to
+acquaint Mrs. Cynthia subsequently.  But who he might be passed me
+altogether.  He could not be a great author like Mr. Fielding.  In that
+case I should have been more familiar with his name.  He could not be a
+man of the first fashion, for the same reason.  Neither was he foremost
+in Parliament, in the King's service, in the Queen's favour, nor was he
+a virtuoso in the arts.  In what manner was he celebrated then?  I
+could not forbear from putting the question to him.  As it happened,
+our host was fussing about the supper-table at that moment with the
+pudding.
+
+"I refer you, sir," says he, "to our worthy Boniface, our excellent Mr.
+Jim Grundy, for the panegyric of my character."
+
+Upon this the innkeeper looked from one to the other of us with a great
+deal of unction, and involved his rosy countenance in such a number of
+nods and winks as conferred a great air of mystery on a simple question.
+
+"Come, my good Grundy," says our companion, "inform the lady and
+gentleman who Mr. William Sadler is."
+
+"They don't know who Mr. William Sadler is," says the landlord.  "Who
+ever heard the like of it!  He, he, he!"
+
+Instead of giving us any precise information on this point, the
+landlord laughed and laughed again.  Once or twice he seemed to brace
+himself to break the important news to us, yet on each occasion as he
+was about to open his mouth to do so, a fresh gust of mirth nearly
+choked him into a fit.  Indeed, he was wholly incapable of getting
+farther than:
+
+"Not know who Mr. Will Sadler is; well, I call that a good 'un."
+
+And I suppose we might have still remained in ignorance of the identity
+of our companion to this hour, for apparently Mr. William Sadler was
+too proud to exhibit his claims to notoriety, and the innkeeper was
+physically incapable of doing so, had it not been for a whimsical
+occurrence that presently befell.  Amity had been in a great measure
+restored, and we had nearly finished our supper in peace, having at the
+same time behaved very creditably by the wine and the victuals, when
+the landlord suddenly burst in upon us again with a very agitated face.
+"Oh, Mr. William," cries he to our friend, "whatever shall we do?  A
+sheriff's posse is coming along, and I fear it is you they are seeking
+hot-foot.  They will be here in a minute, and I do not see that you can
+possibly get out in time."
+
+Words of this nature vastly interested us, you may be sure.  We noted
+that despite the shaken condition of the landlord, Mr. Sadler was
+perfectly cool.
+
+"Hold 'em as long as you can in talk," says he, "and I will play 'em my
+old trick.  But, my dear fellow, let me beg of you to compose yourself
+a little.  Such a face as you are wearing is enough to betray the
+cunningest knight in the country, and I must also crave the indulgence
+of my two friends here.  I am sure their true sporting instincts, to
+say nothing of a professional fellow-feeling, will enable them to give
+me any small assistance I may be in need of."
+
+While he was speaking in this singular manner, he was occupying himself
+in one no less remarkable.  He casually produced a fresh wig from one
+of the huge pockets of the riding-coat that hung on the back of a chair
+near his elbow, and having shook it out, discarded the modest tie wig
+he was wearing in favour of this much grander one, which he placed on
+his head with absolute nicety and correctness.  Having got as far as
+this, the landlord apprehended which line he was going to take.  Armed
+with that knowledge, the host accordingly moved to the threshold to
+greet the sheriff's posse, whilst Mr. Sadler went on with his toilet.
+This consisted in attaching a grey beard to his chin, a pair of
+moustachios to his upper lip, and a formidable pair of horn spectacles
+to his eyes.  All of these he produced from the same pocket as the wig.
+The consequence was a complete and effectual transformation; and had we
+not been witnesses of the process itself, we could not possibly have
+identified our companion of the previous moment in this venerable sage.
+
+This strange play which was passing in front of our eyes was so
+bewildering that at first we could hardly realize what was taking
+place, or gauge the singular situation in which we found ourselves.
+But hearing the lusty demanding voices of the persons who even at that
+moment were at the threshold of the inn, the whole meaning of this odd
+matter suddenly flashed into my mind.  Our elegant companion was a
+professional breaker of laws, a highwayman most probably, and the
+sheriff's men were hot on his track.  Yet as I looked at the venerable
+figure before me, the embodiment of stately grace and honoured age, I
+could not forbear from laughing at him.
+
+"An excellent jest," says he, in a voice that so utterly differed from
+his natural one as to bestow the last and crowning touch to his altered
+character.  "But it is one that I have played so often in one form or
+another upon these and similar people that I begin to fear it may grow
+a little worn-out.  However, I must trust to my proverbial luck, and
+your kind co-operation."
+
+He had no time to say anything more before these unwelcome visitors
+came into the room with the landlord at their head.
+
+"You can really take my word for it, gentlemen I assure you," he said
+positively, protesting, "I have seen no such person as you describe.
+Nor is it at all likely that my house, which has ever been famous for
+its high respectability, would harbour such a desperate ruffian.  You
+say that His Majesty's mail has been stopped and tried this evening by
+Will Sadler not five miles off, and that booty exceeding four thousand
+pounds hath been taken.  Lord defend us, gentlemen, whoever heard the
+like!  It is incredible; can this be the eighteenth century?"
+
+By this about half a-dozen dirty, rain-soaked ruffians, comprising the
+sheriff's posse, had come into the room.  And at the head of them, if
+you please, was that very despotic justice, the squire of the
+neighbouring parish, who that afternoon had clapt us in the stocks.
+His appearance certainly complicated matters a good deal, and was like
+to make them vastly more awkward for us.  Yet the fellow at this time
+was in such an excited state of mind, due to the recent terrible event
+and his high sense of what he was pleased to call his public duty, that
+he gave neither Cynthia nor myself the slightest recognition.  Indeed,
+he had most probably forgotten our recent encounter.
+
+I had hardly on my side recognized the justice ere my decision was
+taken.  It may be to my lasting discredit as a good citizen and true
+subject that I hardly so much as gave a thought to betraying the
+desperate fellow who was so completely delivered into our hands.  One
+word from either of us, and his last exploit would have been
+perpetrated.  But it would have called for a greater humanity or a
+less, sure I know not which, and a deeper instinct of the public weal
+than either of us appeared to possess, to deliver up Mr. Sadler in cold
+blood to the tender mercies of the law.  Accordingly I took a bold
+course, perhaps as much to assist the disguise of our companion as to
+preserve our own impunity.
+
+Swinging round on the justice and the inn-keeper, I exhibited a degree
+of excitement at the news by no means inferior to their own.
+
+"Zounds!" I cried, "what are you saying, landlord?  King's mail, four
+thousand pounds, villain escaped.  Whenever did I hear the like?  He
+must be pursued; we must leave no stone unturned.  Do I understand that
+he is on these premises?"
+
+The stress of my concern and the degree of authority I contrived to
+insinuate into it, stood me in good stead with the squire, who saw in
+me a person as law-abiding as himself.  Indeed, the number of
+breathless questions I pestered him with concerning how the matter
+happened, when it happened, who could be made responsible for it, and
+what steps could be taken to prevent it happening again, all of which
+were so futile and worth so little, as presently suggested to the
+squire that he might conceivably be in the company of a brother justice.
+
+"Are you in the commission, may I ask, sir?" says he.
+
+"Aye, that I am, sir," says I, "for the county of Wilts.  I never was
+more distressed by anything than the news of this grievous affair."
+
+"Very pleased to meet you, sir," says the squire.  "I am in the
+commission too, sir, and I quite agree with every word you have thought
+fit to utter.  Every word, I do upon my word, sir."
+
+It was remarkable how the fact that I was a justice of the peace as
+well as himself affected his demeanour.  He developed a sudden
+affability towards me, and used a special tone in which to address me.
+He discovered such a respect for my opinion, showed so many marks of
+his consideration for me, and generally endeavoured to ingratiate
+himself into my esteem in a way that allowed it to be clearly
+understood that to his mind the office of a magistrate had lifted me at
+once out of the ruck of common men.  I was one who, like himself, had
+been as it were initiated into the Eleusinian mysteries.  My look, my
+lightest word, was to him of vastly more importance than even the
+business he had come upon.  Indeed he was quite overjoyed to find
+himself in the society of a person who was of his own rank in life, and
+one with whom he might converse without imperilling his own uneasy
+dignity.  It was delightful to observe how my presence unfitted him to
+pay the slightest attention to any one other than myself.  He could
+hardly bring himself to address the innkeeper or his attendants in the
+presence of a brother magistrate.  And to such an extent was he worked
+upon that even the business that had brought him thither paled into
+insignificance before so felicitous a meeting.
+
+After a full five minutes had been spent on his affable reception of
+me, and he had repeated again and again how pleased and honoured he was
+to meet me; and he had asked me how long I had been in the commission,
+and had told me how long he had been in it, and how long his father had
+been in it before him; with other matters of the first importance, and
+all mightily pertinent to the robbery of the royal mail, one of his men
+had the temerity to make a suggestion.
+
+"Begging your honour's pardon," says he, politely touching his hat,
+"but what does your honour think we had better do, seeing as how the
+man don't seem to be here?"
+
+"Do," says the squire, taking him up angrily.  "Burn me, was there ever
+such insolence?  Are you not aware that I am at present engaged with
+your betters, and yet you have the damnable impertinence to ask me what
+you shall do."
+
+"But the highwayman, if you please, your honour," says the other, who
+was rather a stubborn fellow.
+
+"Oh, the highwayman," says the squire.  "How dare you intrude a person
+of that low character when I am engaged with a brother magistrate?  Let
+the highwayman go to the devil too."
+
+"In short," says I, reading the squire's disposition, "you can all go
+to the devil, the sooner the better.  Do you think the meeting of two
+gentlemen can be disturbed by such a petty matter?  I am about to ask
+the honour of the company of my brother justice over a bottle.
+Landlord, have the goodness to bring up some more of your excellent
+Burgundy, and also do us the service of sending these dirty rascals
+about their business.  There are no highwaymen here, and if there were,
+do you suppose that gentlemen are to be put to inconvenience by them?"
+
+Hereupon the squire, finding himself received in such high favour,
+hastened to second my proposal.  The posse was sent packing into the
+wind and rain to continue the pursuit of Mr. William Sadler, although
+they evidently had not the least idea as to which direction he might be
+in; whilst the magistrate proposed to take his ease in his inn, in the
+society of the very rogue his men had gone forth to seek.
+
+The host soon returned with the wine, and we settled ourselves to
+good-fellowship.  To judge by the sly satisfaction that appeared at
+intervals in Mr. Sadler's venerable countenance, he was very well
+pleased with the arrangement; whilst I am sure the squire was vastly
+so.  As for Cynthia and myself, I think we both had some share in this
+satisfaction also.  We figured to ourselves the eventuality of being
+able to repay this numscull fellow in his own coin, by putting upon him
+some of the indignity he had been so prompt to put upon us that
+afternoon.
+
+In a person of a better capacity it might have been a matter of
+surprise that we should have gone unrecognized.  But this squire was
+but a poor apology of a fellow, with probably as many wits as a rabbit,
+and as great a discernment as a mole.  And in my case there may have
+been some little excuse, for after all one man is very much like
+another, and differs not so much in his appearance as in his
+circumstances.  In the parlour of a tavern it is as easy to pass for a
+justice of the peace as it is in the stocks to pass for a rogue.
+Perhaps in Cynthia's case an even better excuse could be found for him.
+Instead of a dejected and bedraggled creature (madam hath twice already
+blotted this sentence out!) trudging at the side of a forlorn
+musicianer that blew the flute, here was a very different person.  Her
+muddy cloak had been discarded to disclose a very tolerable travelling
+attire beneath, which, laced as it was, could pass very well in the
+country for the first fashion.  Besides, in some impalpable feminine
+way, by some cunning trick of the sex, she had added here and there a
+touch to her hair and her person, till she shone forth as fair and trim
+in the glow of the fire and the candles as Herrick's Julia.  She was no
+longer the wandering female (saving her presence!), but the lady of
+quality, holding her court of three.  The brightness of the place was
+communicated to her cheeks and her eyes.  The dainty malice, the grave
+insolence, the superb disdain, the assurance and yet the solicitude of
+fashion wedded to beauty, youth to breeding, was a sufficient masque to
+the draggle-tailed little creature of the afternoon.  If it may be said
+of men that they are the victims of their circumstances, and cut their
+figure in the world according to them, how much more truly may the same
+be said of women, for are they not chameleons that receive their hue
+from their surroundings?
+
+Being completely confident that we ran no risk of discovery from any
+exercise the squire might make of his natural faculties, I had no
+compunction about introducing Mrs. Cynthia and Mr. Sadler, that the
+feast of reason and the flow of soul might be unimpeded.  Thoroughly
+alive to the whimsicality of the passages that were like to ensue from
+such ill-assorted company sitting down together, I mischievously
+determined to give the thing a more extravagant touch if possible, by
+sailing as near to the truth as I could.  Therefore, fully aware of the
+delicious savour of the whole affair, Mrs. Cynthia was presented as my
+wife, the Countess of Tiverton, and our friend Mr. Sadler, the
+highwayman and lord knows what besides, as her ladyship's choleric
+papa, his grace of Salop.
+
+Never, I vow, was a man so overcome with the society in which he found
+himself as this rustical clown of a justice.  Having plainly been used
+to no better all his life than that of his pigs, his sheep, his cows,
+his horses, the village beadle, and the worthies of the village
+ale-house, he had no higher sense of rendering what he conceived was
+due to our superior dignity, than they had in rendering the same to
+his.  His bows, his smirks, his grimaces, his gross flatteries, would
+have excited our pity had he deserved any.  They were so grotesque that
+even Mr. Sadler grinned through his great beard.
+
+The landlord too fell in very sagaciously with the whole thing.
+Whatever opinion he might entertain on his own part of our figure in
+the world, the fact that we had been admitted to the friendship of Mr.
+Sadler was a sufficient guarantee of his not going unrequited.  Armed
+with this assurance he produced some really excellent wine in liberal
+quantities, and furnished us with the fullest meed of his respectful
+service; though it is gravely to be doubted whether he considered we
+had any better right to enjoy our titles than had Mr. Sadler.  But I
+will go bail for the justice, who rejoiced in the name of Hodgkin, that
+no such doubts invaded his mind.  He was simply happy.  His wildest
+dreams were realized.  His loftiest ambitions were fulfilled.  Was he
+not hobnobbing with the great at their own table on terms of perfect
+equality?  He never addressed any of us without bringing in our titles
+somehow, either as the prologue or the epilogue of what he had to say,
+sometimes as both, and in the middle too.  And just as a duke is a
+personage of more consideration than an earl, even if he be a justice
+of the peace, or a countess if she be young and fair, so did our
+squire, after he had felt his way a bit, had drunk a glass or two and
+got used to such unaccustomed company, direct the main of his attention
+to his grace of Salop.  Indeed such advances did he presently make in
+the good esteem of that venerable nobleman that he was fain to direct
+nearly the whole of his discourse to him.  He played him, and ogled
+him, your grace'd him this, and your grace'd him that, until he felt he
+had ingratiated himself into the highest favour.  And having attained
+to this good fortune, he could hardly bring himself to so much as look
+at Cynthia and me.  As in the case of his rustics and the inn-keeper,
+we, as it were, presently discovered him engaged with our betters; and
+he clearly hoped we should understand that to be the case.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XVIII
+
+CONTAINS A PANEGYRIC ON THE GENTLE PASSION
+
+It was truly a novel kind of amusement to enjoy the patronage of such a
+clodhopper; but it was one infinitely rich in the comic.  The
+highwayman fell in exactly with the spirit of this comedy.  He seemed
+to take an almost diabolical pleasure in causing this pitiful specimen
+of human nature to reveal the weakness and sterility of his mind.  And
+I fear that this pleasure was communicated to Cynthia and myself.
+Could we have forgotten the persecution endured at the hands of the
+fellow that afternoon, we must have found it in our hearts to pity him
+in his fool's paradise.  But with the sense of our late indignities yet
+abiding within us, we followed the course of the play with the keenness
+and zest of the leading actor in it.  It was our revenge, and a very
+ample and satisfying one we felt it to be, although in the tameness of
+print it may not appear to possess the solid satisfaction of one
+administered with a cudgel or a pair of resolute fists.
+
+When at last the squire proposed to depart, he vowed that never had he
+spent an evening with such profit and enjoyment.  It far exceeded, he
+was good enough to say, the memorable one he had once had the honour to
+pass in the society of Colonel Musket of Barker's Hill.  He swore he
+would cherish the memory of it to his last day; and having humbly
+thanked his grace for his condescension and his affability; and having
+given a curt nod to Cynthia and myself, since the boon companion of a
+duke is surely entitled to dispense his patronage, our justice stumbled
+out into the rainy night, with more good wine in him than he deserved,
+and certainly more than he could decently carry.
+
+"Ships, pegs, coos and 'osses," says the highwayman, breaking out into
+laughter as soon as our guest had lurched into the rain.  "Let a man
+live with them long enough, and they shall reduce his wit and
+understanding to the level of their own.  Was there ever such a pitiful
+cheese of a fellow in the world before?  If it were not such a foul
+night, and I lay less snug in my corner, I would go after him, drub him
+soundly, and fling him into the kennel.  But at least we have had an
+entertainment, and I have thought well to exact a ransom of him for his
+own."
+
+Here to our surprise our strange companion pulled forth a purse which a
+few minutes since had been the squire's.  The justice had been seated
+next the venerable duke, and had paid for the high privilege.  Besides,
+is it not an axiom among the great that they never condescend unless
+they are in need of a service, or can get something by their
+condescension?  His grace's exaction was the latter.  Neither Cynthia
+nor I could find it in our hearts to blame the highwayman for his
+trick.  Nay, I do not know that in one sense we were not secretly glad
+that a tangible and material punishment had been inflicted upon the
+fellow.  When the purse was opened it was found to contain the sum of
+nineteen pounds and a few odd shillings.  The highwayman, after a
+careful mental calculation, doled the money out into three heaps of
+equal value, and having slipped one portion, some six pounds twelve
+shillings, into his fob, pushed the two remaining portions over to us,
+insisting that in this adventure it was share and share alike.
+
+Of course we could not bring ourselves to accept of our friend's
+somewhat embarrassing generosity.  But the sight of such a fortune to
+people in our penurious state, who had already partaken of much more
+than they could pay for, was temptation indeed.  Although we refused
+the gifts with the same courtesy with which they were offered, I fear
+that our eyes shone with a singular lust, and our minds rebelled as we
+did so.  The highwayman himself was astonished by our scruples.
+
+"My dear friends," says he.  "I confess I have never observed such
+reluctancy in persons of your kidney before.  You baffle me.  I cannot
+hold it to be generosity in you, since there can be little doubt that
+William Sadler makes a fatter living than you do with all your talents.
+Why then should you refuse a gift from a brother of your calling?  And
+it cannot be pride either, for if we come down to plain terms it is not
+a gift at all.  By all those unwritten laws that obtain amongst the
+brethren of our profession, you are each honourably entitled to take a
+share with me.  Come, my friends, pocket the affront and let no more be
+said."
+
+The highwayman's high sense of right and wrong in regard to those he
+was pleased to call "the brethren of our profession" was really
+touching.  Nothing in the first place could convince him that we were
+not in that sense his brethren, and that we did not earn our livelihood
+by his uncompromising methods.  We had entered the inn by the aid of
+false protestations; we had ordered a meal that he was sure we had no
+means of paying for; we had connived at the escape of a desperate
+malefactor, and had committed a gross fraud on a justice of the peace;
+therefore he had every good reason to stand firm in his estimate of our
+character.  To my rejoinder that we hoped he would not pursue the
+matter, as we were anything but what we appeared to be, and were
+debarred by circumstances that had recently befallen us from publishing
+our true condition to him or to any one else, he replied with laughter
+of the most immoderate sort.
+
+"Rat me," says he, "this is no new tale.  I wonder how many times in a
+twelvemonth it does duty at Old Bailey!  But I do not like to be
+baffled by anybody, and I must say your behaviour is inexplicable.  It
+is Quixotic, my friends, it is Quixotic.  I cannot possibly let it
+pass.  I must beg you to accept these small monies as a token of my
+gratitude."
+
+He had the devil for his advocate too.  It truly was Quixotic.  It was
+wealth untold to persons in our condition; persons condemned to blow
+the flute from place to place for a livelihood.  We were reminded of
+nights in the rain; of empty bellies; of fainting limbs; of rags,
+misery and mud, and the hundred other ills that attend on a bitter
+poverty.  We had sevenpence in our pockets with which to discharge a
+score that would be reckoned in pounds.  What wonder that we felt our
+resolution falter before the lure that was laid before us?  Together,
+however, we prevailed where one of us singly might have given way.
+
+The highwayman vented his perplexity in various ways.  He put forth a
+dozen theories that would cover our irreconcilable conduct.  But all of
+them were equally wide of the mark.  To all sources but the true one
+did he trace our demeanour.  That we were striving to be as honest as
+our circumstances would permit, never entered his head.  And when at
+last we gave him a cordial good-night prior to retiring to the chamber
+that had been prepared for us, he was fain to acknowledge that he was
+never so completely beaten by anything as by our behaviour.
+
+"Smart you are, the pair of you," says he, "there's no manner of use in
+denying that.  But I'm damned if I can make head or tail of you.  Never
+heard of such a thing in my life as two pads on the road refusing their
+share of the booty.  But I like you none the less.  You are a
+well-favoured well-mannered pair, with rare good heads on your
+shoulders.  I'faith you are endowed with a most excellent presence.
+You are bound to succeed in the line you have adopted; but if you are
+not above taking a piece of advice from one who hath had a pretty long
+apprenticeship on the road, you will dress a trifle better.  Clothes go
+for a great deal.  A lord in rags counts for less than a postilion in
+ruffles and a laced coat.  You will not forget now; it is sure to mean
+such and such a sum per annum to you.  And harkee, here's a proposal.
+I've got such a fancy for you both, that if you like to take up with
+me, we will do the country in company and share the profits; and this I
+may tell you is an offer not to be blinked at, when it is made by
+William Sadler.  Little madam there shall be the decoy, and you and I,
+my lad, shall lift the blunt and generally attend to the practical
+matters.  Come now, I can't speak fairer; what do you say!"
+
+Much to Mr. Sadler's disappointment, and I believe to his astonishment
+too, I politely declined this liberal proposal.  It was almost
+incredible to him that a gentleman of his eminence and success could
+meet with a refusal.  It was like two green apprentices declining to
+enter into partnership with a master of the highest credit!
+
+"I confess you pass me altogether," says he in despair.
+
+The last glimpse we had of this strange, whimsical, and in a sense
+gifted man, was his sitting at the table, with his wig, his spectacles
+and false whiskers removed, waving his good-night in the most cordial
+fashion.  He was as handsome and intelligent a fellow as I ever
+encountered; and I can readily believe what was asserted of him at the
+time of his hanging less than a year from this date, that he was a
+cadet of a noble family.  Certainly in his gaiety, generosity, and
+gallant good humour, he was the very type of man to win the great fame
+of the public that I believe was his.  Strange as it may appear, there
+was not one trace of vulgarity that I could discern in him; and leaving
+his peculiar ideas in regard to _meum_ and _tuum_ out of the question,
+in all other particulars he was a charming gentleman.  And if I am one
+day burnt for the heresy, I shall be ever the first to admit that in my
+short acquaintance of this wicked rogue that so richly came to be
+hanged on the Tree, I discovered better parts, a more chivalrous heart,
+and vastly more liberal talents than in half the persons of high
+consideration and great place, whose intimacy it has been my misfortune
+to submit to for a longer period.
+
+As for Cynthia, the first thing she did in the privacy of our chamber
+was to burst into tears.
+
+"Oh," she sobbed, "to think that a man like that should be such a
+villain.  Oh, I am sure I cannot believe it of him."
+
+"Then why weep for him?" says I.  "But what a pity it is that these
+villains are so delectable.  Even a man like your husband if he gets
+his deserts will come to be hanged.  Can you tell me, my dear, why it
+is that virtue never walks in these radiant colours?  Can it be that
+you strait-laced madams secretly lean to the wicked?"
+
+Poor Cynthia sobbed louder than ever.
+
+"Oh, I cannot, I will not believe it of such a dear fine gentleman!"
+says she.
+
+The next morning found us heavy of heart.  In what manner we could meet
+the landlord's charges we did not know.  Although we were both too
+proud to say so, I am sure we should have been greatly thankful could
+we have had our share of the highwayman's booty to comfort us.  After
+all it was a queer kind of scruple that preferred to rob the innkeeper
+rather than the squire.  For it was plain that he, poor fellow, must go
+unpaid.  Honesty, I take it, is largely a question of terms; and why we
+should hold it to be more venial to rob the one than the other I cannot
+tell.  We breakfasted over the hard problem of what to do.  We had no
+other course, we decided, than to persevere in the original fiction of
+our misfortunes on the road at the hands of a highwayman, and defer the
+settlement of the landlord's account against the time when our affairs
+had assumed a more prosperous shape.
+
+As it happened, our misgivings and searchings of conscience were in
+vain.  The highwayman, who had ridden away in the small hours of the
+morning, had insisted unknown to us in giving at least some token of
+his gratitude.  He had discharged our score and his own in a handsome
+manner, the innkeeper said.  Perchance it was he held that our host
+merited some sort of reward for his behaviour too; and he doubtless
+held in the shrewd opinion he had formed of our condition, that it was
+little enough he was likely to receive at our hands.
+
+In this fortunate manner we were able to go forth into the world again.
+Our hunger and weariness had been amply refreshed and our debts paid.
+We did not pause to consider that these happy contingencies had been
+brought about by the very means that we had so loftily disdained.  It
+was the squire's purse after all that had paid our charges.  Honesty,
+as I have said, is largely a question of terms.
+
+To the downpour of the night had succeeded a sullen morning.  The
+lowering sky promised more misery to follow.  The air was wet with
+mists; the trees dripped incessantly; every blade of grass shone with
+the dankness that clung to it, and the state of the deep-rutted, rude,
+uneven roads was terrible.  But even all these things together, and the
+fact that we had to plough our way, step by step, slowly through seas
+of mud could not entirely depress our spirits.  We felt ourselves in
+the society of one another, to be in spite of everything, invincible in
+our common courage, unconquerable in our common resolution.  The one
+sustained the other in these adventures.
+
+"My prettiness," says I, "it is under embarrassing conditions such as
+these that we should endeavour to sustain ourselves with a few tender,
+amorous passages of love.  I think I will pay you a compliment or two
+upon your beauty, if you will give me but a minute's time in which to
+rack my mind to find them."
+
+"For your pretty speeches to be sincere, sir," says Cynthia, "they
+should be quite spontaneous."
+
+"Here is one," says I.  "The sunshine of your countenance lights up the
+morning's gloom."
+
+"A common enough figure, I confess," says she, "which a hundred poets
+have better exprest."
+
+"Here is another, then," says I, undaunted.  "The solace of your
+companionship sweetens the bitter miles."
+
+"Nay," says she, "I think no better of that trope than the first.  It
+wants a poet to give an originality, a point and grace, to things of
+this sort."
+
+"But every lover is a poet," says I triumphantly.
+
+"I am deluded then," says Cynthia, "for if your love is measured by
+your poetry I am like to die of a broken heart.  But after all, that
+last glib phrase of yours is but a poor sort of speech for a man to
+make to his mistress.  A poet, as all the world knows, is but an
+embellisher of common things."
+
+"A poet is more than that," says I.  "A thousand times more.  A poet
+is----  A poet is----"
+
+"A poet is?" says Cynthia archly.
+
+"The human mind cannot express what a poet is," says I.  "He is all,
+and he is nothing.  He weaves a sovereign spell about material things.
+He can put a new glamour in the stars, although he cannot hold a candle
+to the sun.  He is the airy nothing that can reveal the face of God to
+simple men."
+
+"But what hath all this to do with Love?" says Cynthia.  "And I confess
+I never suspected this phase to your character.  I always held you for
+a common four-square kind of a fellow enough, by no means given to
+these sudden heats and violences, these sudden whimsies and
+nonsensicals."
+
+"No more did I," says I ruefully.  "But it is so like this wretched
+passion to take us in our weakest part, which in me, as you are ever
+the first to remind me, is the head."
+
+"It is not such a wretched passion neither," says Cynthia, "if it is
+but left to itself.  It is these low poets and people that debase it.
+Love is the noblest thing in the world, until your puny twopenny poets
+and the like sing of it, and prate of it, and write an advertisement of
+it, that they may earn enough to spend at the nearest tavern."
+
+"Alas! mistress," says I, "you are too severe on the muse.  There have
+been elegies composed to Love that could dignify even that sacred
+passion."
+
+"All of which the sacred passion could very well have done without,"
+says my didactic miss.  "There is not a painter in the world, be he
+never so cunning, that can put a new colour in the sunset, nor is there
+an author of them all that can add a new rapture to a kiss."
+
+"Body o' me," says I, "you are not a little right there."
+
+If there is any vindication needed of the sex's incontestable
+prerogative to enjoy the last word in any argument, be it of the nature
+of metaphysics, reason or common practice, here is it to be found.  We
+stopped in the middle of the road and concluded our discourse with a
+chaste salute.  And I think there was a strain of poetry in us both as
+we did so.  The weeping heavens smiled upon us; all the wet verdure of
+the spring was a sparkling face that laughed and greeted us.  We went
+along refreshed and more cheerful of heart.
+
+Yet it was a toilsome journey.  The mud clogged our feet, the damp
+pervaded our clothes, and our unaccustomed fatigues of the last few
+days were beginning to tell upon us terribly.  Never in all our lives
+had we given our feet such exercise.  We had not walked much beyond an
+hour this morning before I noticed with something of a sinking heart
+that poor Cynthia was limping.  At first these symptoms were hardly to
+be discerned, and when I taxed her with them, she denied them stoutly.
+But too soon were they revealed beyond a doubt.  It was getting towards
+noon before my proud little miss would in any wise admit this to be the
+case, though.  By then, however, she was so footsore that she could
+scarce drag one foot behind the other.  Chancing to pass near a
+handrail bridge a little later, that spanned a small clear stream
+running over long floating moss and stones, nothing would content me
+but she should go and sit upon it, take off her shoes and stockings,
+and bathe her bruised feet by dangling them over the side.  A little
+cottage nestling close at hand, fenced with box in front and
+apple-trees behind, thither I repaired to beg clean linen rags to wrap
+them in.
+
+The cottage door was opened at my knock by a smiling, buxom housewife,
+who stood out upon a background of crowing babes.  No sooner had I made
+my request than with cheerful energy, says she:
+
+"Oh yes, sir, to be sure I can," and feeling that we were like to find
+a true friend in her, no sooner had I explained the occasion for it
+than she proved a friend indeed.  Having procured these requisites with
+a bustling promptitude, she carried them to Cynthia and found her
+seated on the bridge as I had left her, bathing her toes in the cool
+sweetness of the stream.  With many a "poor lamb!" and many a "deary,
+deary me!" she played the good Samaritan to my unlucky little one.  She
+dried them, comforted them, and bound them up with all the honest grace
+of her great good nature.  Never did I see a woman so brisk and
+motherly, and certainly never one so overflowing with true charity.
+When she had fulfilled her tender offices, and having kissed poor
+Cynthia on both cheeks in a most resounding manner, "because she was
+such a little beauty," she had us both go back with her to the cottage,
+that we might eat a bowl of curds and whey in the arbour cut in the
+laurel bushes, next the well, at the bottom of the garden.
+
+Looking back on the scenes of our itinerary, this bustling, kindly
+housewife makes the fairest picture of them all.  Can the great who
+dwell in palaces conceive the degree of simple happiness it is in the
+power of such a creature to bestow?  Whenever subsequently, in an hour
+of gloom, I may have been led to doubt the essential goodness that lies
+buried in the hearts of our human kind, I insensibly recall the conduct
+of this honest woman on that wet spring morning when we came to her
+door afflicted of mind and body.
+
+By gentle walking we were able to make many more miles that day.  But a
+shadow had come over us.  We had no longer the joyous intrepidity with
+which we had set out less than a week ago.  A foreboding had come upon
+us.  We could not hope to go much farther by our present mode.  My
+little companion, strive as she might to conceal the dire fact, was
+rapidly being overcome.  Her boots were wearing thin, she was already
+suffering much pain, and there was the sum of sevenpence left to us by
+which she could obtain her ease.  We had not the heart to endeavour to
+increase it by blowing further on the flute.  Besides, if the truth of
+that matter must be told, the stocks had given us a particular distaste
+for the gentle instrument.  As the slow, cloud-laden hours passed to
+the occasional accompaniment of rain, with no glint of sunshine to
+relieve their drab monotony, it called for all the courage of which we
+had made a boast that morning to keep us from repining.  The nearer we
+approached the evening the greater was our gloom.  There was the
+eternal problem of food and shelter to be solved.  The previous night
+our audacity had solved it for us.  But in our present state we both
+felt quite incapable of furnishing the necessary spirit and effrontery
+for a repetition of that bold trick.  Alas! our one desire was to be
+wafted by some magic into warmth and plenty that we might sup and fall
+asleep.
+
+We spent our last pence at a hedge inn on our habitual repast of bread
+and cheese and ale.  But the longer we lingered, the cheerless,
+wretched place appeared to heighten our dejection, so that we hailed
+the wet countryside as a relief when we walked out again upon it.  But
+I cannot tell you how we dreaded the coming of night.  The barren
+character of the landscape, and the few people and the fewer
+habitations that we came upon probably increased the depression of our
+spirits.  Indeed, towards evening, the only human being that we
+encountered in several miles was a travelling tinker singing on a
+stile, and I think we could have wished to have been spared this
+meeting.  In our forlorn state we regarded such an irresponsible gaiety
+in the light of a personal affront.  But the dirty rogue had such a
+cheerful, jolly look that I was fain to accost him with my curiosity.
+
+"I beg your pardon, sir," says I, "but why do you uplift your soul in
+merriment on such a dismal afternoon?"
+
+The tinker looked at me suspiciously, and then at his bundle reposing
+at his feet.  He evidently speculated as to what designs I could have
+upon it.
+
+"It is a good world, my lad, that is why I sing," says he, "and you'd
+be singing too, I fancy, if this was your first day out o' jail."
+
+However that might be I am sure we both envied the tinker his frame of
+mind.  Our own was desperate indeed.  There was nothing for it but to
+push on relentlessly, and to hope against hope for some happy chance.
+We were both utterly wearied and dispirited by this; no houses were
+near at hand; and the night was closing in.  We were consoled in a
+slight degree with the thought that we were on a high road and that a
+shelter of one sort or another should not be far to seek.  By what
+means we should be able to avail ourselves of it in our destitute state
+was another question.
+
+In the very height of our distresses we suddenly came upon a wayside
+inn, and a scene of a violent and singular character was being enacted
+on the threshold.  Two persons, a man and a woman of mean appearance,
+had evidently just been ejected from it, since they stood resentfully
+in the middle of the road with divers bundles containing their goods
+and chattels scattered around them.  The landlord stood at the inn
+door, shaking his fist and declaiming his great indignation, whilst his
+wife, standing in a haven of security behind him, was giving rein to
+her own sentiments with neither hesitation nor uncertainty.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XIX
+
+WE APPEAR IN A NEW CHARACTER
+
+It seemed that the man and woman in the middle of the road were the
+ostler and chambermaid to the inn, who had just been convicted of a
+grave misdemeanour.  The language in which it was designated and
+described by the host and hostess, energetic in form and warm in colour
+as it was, could not, I fear, be reproduced in this chaste narrative.
+It must suffice to say that the guilty persons had been discharged at a
+moment's notice.  They were now resenting this extreme course from
+their station in the middle of the road; and whatever were the colours
+in which their own conduct had been depicted, it is greatly to be
+doubted, whether they could possibly have been more vivid than those
+applied to that of their late master and mistress.
+
+To these people in the midst of their altercation came Cynthia and I.
+Almost at the same instant a similar thought entered the minds of us
+both.  Why should we not apply for these vacated situations?  We had
+had no experience of such duties, it was true.  Our lot indeed would be
+arduous.  But we should at least be provided with a shelter for the
+night; and we could relinquish our unaccustomed tasks the moment we
+might feel ourselves better served by doing so.  A brief whispered
+conference as we stood apart in the road, and we decided to make
+application.  Never for an instant did the idea cross our minds that
+such a highly superior ostler and chambermaid could be anything but
+acceptable to the good people of the inn.  Yet when taking our courage
+in our hands we came up to the door, and I put forward my suggestion
+with a becoming modesty, the landlord seemed by no means so eager to
+close with this tempting offer as I had fully expected he would be.
+
+"Have you a character?" says he sharply.
+
+"Oh yes, I think I have a very good character," says I.
+
+"Humph," says he, "you think you have a very good character, do you?
+Well, my lad, I should like to see it."
+
+"Well," says I, "a character is not very easy to see, unless there is
+something to show it by."
+
+"I am quite aware of that," says the landlord sharply.  "However, we
+will leave this precious pair and go inside, light a candle and look at
+it."
+
+With that, man and wife led the way within, and we followed meekly,
+leaving the discharged couple in the road to pursue their own devices.
+In what way a candle would enable them to discern our characters we
+could not tell, although we were half inclined to think that the common
+phrase "to hold a candle to" might have in fact a more literal
+significance than any we had dreamt of.  The inn kitchen presented a
+rosy fire and a cosy appearance.  The sight of it seemed to increase
+the sense of our unhappy plight, and I think we both anxiously awaited
+the landlord's judgment, for it was impossible to contemplate being
+turned out into the night again with equanimity.
+
+"Now then, my lad," says the landlord, "I will thank you to let me see
+your character."
+
+"I do not know how I can show you my character, sir," I ventured to
+say, "until I have been some little time in your service."
+
+"Come, that won't do, my lad," says the landlord, "I must either see
+your character or out you go."
+
+Filled with misgiving, I was about to ask the landlord for an
+explanation of this odd demand, when it suddenly occurred to me that he
+wished to have it in writing, like any other master who was about to
+engage a servant.  I had to confess that I had not a character.
+
+"Ha," says the landlord keenly.  "Then why did you leave your last
+place?"
+
+I had to confess that I had never had a last place.
+
+"You don't mean to tell me," says the landlord, "that you have had the
+impidence to apply to me when you have never had no experience of the
+dooties?"
+
+I had to explain that such was the case, but earnestly stated that
+whatever I might lack in knowledge I would certainly make up in zeal.
+For all that it was like to have gone hard with our engagement had it
+not been for the intervention of the landlord's wife.  It may have been
+that vanity which is inseparable from the male character, but it did
+seem to me that from the first the good woman had been disposed to
+regard me with favour.
+
+"Well, Joseph," says she at this critical moment, "he is a very proper
+looking young man, I am sure, and as honest looking as the day.  I am
+sure he will do his best if he says he will.  Besides, they are man and
+wife, which is a very main thing."
+
+This reference to the pair of us had the effect of diverting the worthy
+landlord's attention to Cynthia.  No sooner did he observe her than his
+objections became sensibly less formidable than they had been.  And I
+am afraid it was my little madam's _beaux yeux_ and not our
+qualifications and accomplishments that got us the situation.  Yet even
+when we had been duly engaged at four pounds a year and our keep, there
+was like to have been a hitch.  The landlady's closer inspection of us
+revealed the fact that although I might, as she had been good enough to
+say be "a very proper-looking young man," Cynthia in her opinion was
+vastly too fine-looking a young woman.  She even went the length of
+describing her as "a blue-eyed slut."  Whatever the force of her
+objections, however, as she herself was entirely responsible for the
+engagement of the ostler, she could hardly have gainsaid, much as she
+could have wished to have done so, her husband's right to engage the
+chambermaid.
+
+It was in this singular but fortunate fashion then that we found
+ourselves once more provided for.  The inn being on a coaching road was
+not such a mean one as we had at first supposed.  The host and hostess
+of it did not seem to be such bad people either, and as they did not
+except to have company in the place until later in the evening, and
+observing that our travels had left us in a sorry condition, they
+allowed us to make a rough meal, and afterwards to sit by the fire a
+bit.
+
+It went to my heart that my poor little companion should be brought to
+this pass, but she acquiesced in it so cheerfully, and with such a
+merry sense of the occasion as did a great deal to diminish my concern.
+She was indeed a courageous little creature; and there was something
+about her new duties that seemed to amuse her, for she went about them
+with a humorous zest as though she was laughing at herself while she
+did so.  All the same we were genuinely glad when at last the hour came
+for our retirement.  We were thoroughly wearied and footsore too.
+
+We rose in much better heart betimes on the following morning, and set
+about our unaccustomed tasks with a vigour that compensated for our
+inexperience.  After all, they were of an elementary character, not at
+all difficult to learn.  To be sure it was more than a little strange
+at first to find ourselves engaged in such lowly capacities, but when
+after an hour or two the singularity had worn off, they became by no
+means irksome.  Indeed, the novelty of the thing might be said to pass
+the time pleasantly.  But as it happened, we were to be startled out of
+these pursuits in the rudest manner.
+
+It chanced that about noon I had led the horse of a gentleman, who had
+passed the previous night at the inn, out of the stable round to the
+front door.  And while I was holding its head against its master's
+departure there arose a clatter of wheels on the road.  In a minute, or
+less, a chaise drew up at the door.  No glance was needed at its
+occupants to tell me to whom it belonged.  The peculiar shape and
+colour were quite sufficient to advertise me of that matter.  It was
+the Duke in person, accompanied by the indefatigable Mr. Waring.  His
+Grace lost no time in relinquishing the reins, and together they
+stepped from the vehicle to ease their legs somewhat, and entered the
+inn in quest of any little refreshment it might afford them.  Happily
+neither paid much heed to me.  Indeed beyond an order to give an eye to
+the horses and to fetch them a drink of water, I claimed no share of
+their attention.
+
+No sooner had they entered the inn, however, than in the midst of some
+self-congratulation on my present impunity from discovery, I was beset
+with a sudden fear of Cynthia.  What more likely than that they should
+directly encounter her, unless she could be apprised of their
+proximity?  She must be warned at all costs.  Fortunately at that
+moment the owner of the horse, whose head I was holding, appeared and
+relieved me of its charge.  Thereupon I hastily entered to advise
+Cynthia of her danger.  Yet I did so only to find that the worst had
+happened already.
+
+From the parlour the Duke's voice issued in a tremendous key.  There
+could be no doubt that it was as I feared.  I lost no time in hastening
+to my poor little one's assistance, if only to divert a portion of her
+father's wrath.  The scene that confronted me when I entered the inn
+parlour would not by any means have been devoid of a certain
+whimsicality had it not had so sinister a bearing on our fortunes.  The
+innkeeper and his wife stood aghast.  Mr. Waring was languidly helping
+himself to a pinch of snuff with an air of the frankest amusement.
+Cynthia was in a dreadful taking, and weeping bitterly.  The Duke, her
+father, was hopping about like a pea on a hot plate, and threatening to
+go off any minute into an apoplexy.  At my appearance he very nearly
+did so.
+
+"You villain," he squeaked, shaking his fist in my face, and dancing
+round me, "you impudent, unblushing villain!  Have I routed you out at
+last?  Have I run you to earth, you damned young scoundrel?  By God,
+you shall pay a price; yes, you shall, so help me.  Your purse may be
+bankrupt, but you shall pay this account with the last drop of blood
+that is left in your black heart.  Pass your box, Humphrey."
+
+Mr. Waring passed his box with a grim chuckling countenance; and his
+Grace paused in the midst of his violent denunciation to make use of
+it.  It appeared to lend him succour, whereon he continued with renewed
+vigour.  I would not like to set down here the number of hard names he
+put his tongue to, every one of which was levelled at my devoted head.
+To be sure I had used him pretty badly, but I fear that I was not in
+the least repentant.  I listened to his passionate abuse which he
+delivered in a curious senile staccato, with an amusement possibly as
+great as Mr. Waring's own, and certainly more cynical.  I don't think
+at the moment I cared much about the pass I was come to.  I was utterly
+desperate.
+
+Poor little Cynthia, bitterly frightened as she was, and despite the
+tears that streamed from her eyes, was still very brave.  She could not
+bear to hear my name degraded in this manner.  In the face of her
+father's wrath she came to my side and took my hand, and I loved her
+the better for the deed.
+
+"Landlord," says his Grace, "don't stand gaping there like a pig on a
+spit.  Just have the goodness to bestir yourself, and fetch the
+constables.  This young scoundrel shall not go out of my sight, except
+in custody.  The law hath wanted him long, and as I'm a person, it
+shall have him, too."
+
+It was somewhere about this point in the scene, I think, that a bold
+expedient came unexpectedly into my head.  It had a full measure of
+audacity befitting the occasion.  If only we could make a dash out into
+the road and gain possession of the chaise one short instant before our
+enemies, all was not lost even now.  It was truly a remote chance, yet
+it was the only one that offered.  Therefore no sooner had it entered
+my mind than I set my will to work to put it in practice.  With this
+end in view I gave a furtive eye to the position of the parlour door.
+I found myself even now the nearest person to it.  I must contrive to
+get still nearer and acquaint Cynthia of the nature of my desperate
+design without arousing the suspicions of our furious papa or the
+languid Mr. Waring.
+
+As the landlord stood hesitating as to which course he should adopt,
+the Duke directed some attention to him, and gave him freely of his
+orders.  It was while our papa was thus engaged that I bent down to
+Cynthia and whispered my audacious plan into her ear.  From that moment
+we turned all our energies towards getting closer to the door without
+being suspected of doing so.  Every step we could encroach might
+presently be of the greatest possible service.  Unfortunately the fact
+that the parlour-door was closed was a great barrier.  We should not
+have time to open it and get away.
+
+The Duke having at last prevailed on the landlord to go for the
+constables, it was with inexpressible anxiety that we watched him go
+out of the room.  If he would but leave that door unlatched we had just
+a chance of getting to the chaise in time.  With a thrill of
+satisfaction we saw him go out, leaving the door wide open behind him.
+The Duke and Mr. Waring were apart at the other end of the room, quite
+oblivious of any scheme we might be evolving.  They had forgotten
+apparently that a chaise and a pair of horses stood outside the door.
+Carefully noting the actions of our enemies and the degree of attention
+they thought fit to pay us, we sidled nearer and nearer, an inch at a
+time, to the parlour-door.  And at last, having concluded that the
+landlord had got well clear of the premises, and was therefore not
+likely to present any obstacle, I decided that now or never was the
+moment.  I whispered my last brief instructions to my little companion;
+and then taking our careless captors entirely unawares, she darted out
+through the door, and I as swiftly followed her.
+
+The scheme had been thoroughly matured in my mind.  To allow Cynthia
+time to run on and gain access to the chaise, a proper control of the
+reins, and to set the horses in motion, I did not follow her at once,
+but preferred to bang the parlour-door in the face of our pursuers, and
+clung with both hands to the handle that they might be impeded as much
+as possible.  Once aroused to their danger, they lost not a second of
+time in besieging the door, but with my back firmly planted against the
+opposite wall I was quite a match for them in the matter of hauling.  I
+was able to detain them the wrong side therefore, until a cry from
+Cynthia informed me that she had fulfilled her part of the business.
+Thereon I suddenly released the handle, and our enemies found
+themselves so unexpectedly in possession, that they fell back one upon
+another, whilst I ran forth to the chaise.
+
+It was already starting briskly down the road.  I was able to overtake
+it and get in by the time the Duke and his friend showed at the door;
+and though they ran after us for a few yards they soon came to the
+conclusion, with the horses fleeing faster and faster, that immediate
+pursuit was hopeless, and relinquished the chase accordingly.  We had
+not gone very far, however, when we overtook the landlord on his way to
+fetch the constables.  That puzzled fellow made no effort to detain us,
+and in that I think he was well advised.
+
+It was some little time before we could get the excitement engendered
+by these events out of our minds, and realize that we were still in
+possession of our freedom, that most cherished thing, for which we were
+doing and suffering so much.  We had a chaise and a pair of horses too.
+But I do not think that any two persons could have looked so little in
+their places in such a handsome vehicle.  The appearance we presented
+must have been highly ridiculous.  Neither of us had cloaks or
+coverings for our heads, whilst I, in the pursuit of my late
+occupation, had divested myself of my coat in addition.  We were thus
+in absurd contrast to our fine manner of procedure.  Having put an
+honest mile between us and the inn, we began to examine the contents of
+the chaise with an eager curiosity, not unmingled with anxiety.  The
+first articles to rejoice our hearts were several thick rugs, which we
+lost no time in putting to use.  There was a case of pistols, too; and
+over and above these things we discovered to our supreme satisfaction a
+couple of travelling valises, the property of Mr. Waring and his Grace.
+
+Our straits were much too dire for our minds to be greatly oppressed
+with the morality of things.  To us it seemed as though these
+travelling valises had come from heaven.  Robinson Crusoe on his island
+could not have had a devouter thankfulness when he recovered the
+articles from the wreck than we had in the contemplation of our
+treasure.  We experienced an exquisite curiosity as we speculated on
+what they might contain.  However, we deferred the opening of them,
+partly because the time and place would for the present be ill-chosen
+(we must put many more miles between us and the enemy before we could
+venture to draw rein) and again, because we desired, like a pair of
+children, to draw out to the outmost the pains of our delicious
+expectation.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XX
+
+DISADVANTAGES OF A CHAISE AND A PAIR OF HORSES
+
+In this rapt condition of mind, and in this remarkable fashion did we
+proceed along the road.  Through villages and hamlets, past churches
+and inns, up hill and down we took our gallant way.  The sense of rapid
+motion made without the least inconvenience to our own jaded limbs,
+coming after hours of arduous travelling by their painful exercise, was
+incomparable, unless it be likened to what the soul must feel when
+wafted to Elysium on a cloud, after suffering the slow agonies of
+death.  The exhilaration of our progress was wonderful indeed.
+Steaming along the highways in an elegant equipage, the late oppression
+fell off our spirits and gaiety came out in us once again.  We did not
+know whither we were going, to be sure; it was sufficient that we were
+fortified with ways and means once more, and that we had so audaciously
+contrived to leave our pursuers in the lurch.
+
+"I wonder what are the contents of these boxes," says I, indulging a
+delightful speculation as we sped along.
+
+"I suppose we ought not to touch them, whatever they are," says Cynthia
+nervously.
+
+"In that case," says I, "we must not open them."
+
+"Oh, I think we might safely do that," says Cynthia in a voice of the
+deepest disappointment.  "Although they are not ours, that is no
+reason, as far as I can see, why we should not have just one peep at
+what they are.  That will be doing harm to no one, will it?"
+
+"I fear it will be otherwise," says I mischievously.  "For if we get so
+far as the opening of the boxes I am sure we shall not be content with
+a mere inspection of the contents."
+
+"Oh, Jack," says the indignant Cynthia, "how can you talk so.  I am
+sure you cannot mean to infer that we should be guilty of anything--of
+anything we ought not to be guilty of."
+
+"Of appropriating articles that belong to others, for example."
+
+"Yes," says she, "that is what I meant."
+
+"Well," says I, "is there not the melancholy case of our refusing the
+highwayman's booty in one form and accepting it in another?"
+
+"That I am sure we did not," says Mistress Virtue.  "We did not ask him
+to pay our bill."
+
+"To be sure we did not," says I, "but he paid it, none the less.  Now,
+had we acted in that matter according to your fine ideas, we should, in
+the first place, have delivered that highwayman up to the King's
+justice; then the rape of the squire's guineas would never have been
+committed, and the landlord's bill would not have been paid at all.
+That is why one is ever so perplexed by these high principles of
+conduct.  Why draw the line in one place and not in another?  Do we not
+make these arbitrary distinctions and often deny ourselves all manner
+of things thereby, when we can least afford to do without them, and yet
+there is not a day that passes but what we commit offences against our
+codes of honour with a cheerful heart.  So much depends upon the title
+by which an act is dignified.  Persons in our degree of life refer to
+certain sources of their emolument as privilege and monopoly, whereas
+if they were enjoyed by those in a humbler sphere, who would hesitate
+to denounce them as robbery and fraud?  Now these boxes being in our
+possession, and as we are quite destitute of means, is not there a
+hundred ways by which we can prevail upon our consciences to permit us
+to enjoy their contents?"
+
+Cynthia stoutly denied this specious reasoning at the time.  But after
+awhile, when the horses began to flag, and hunger, our ancient dogged
+enemy, began once more to assert himself, she was inclined to look at
+the matter in a rather more lenient light.
+
+"We must incontinently perish of starvation by the way," says I,
+"unless these chests of Mr. Waring and his Grace, your papa, can help
+us.  Now which course shall we adopt?  And we to take the articles
+therein as a loan, fully intending to recompense their owners at a more
+fortunate season? or shall we simply take them without any reservation
+whatever, as lawful prizes won from the enemy in open fight?"
+
+"I think I like the idea of the 'borrowing' best," says the scrupulous
+Cynthia.
+
+"Very well, then, we will effect a loan," says I.
+
+We could hardly venture to pull up at the door of any reputable inn in
+our present state.  We were the beggars no longer, but a lady and
+gentleman of quality.  Persons who drive about the country a pair of
+fine horses and a chariot of the first fashion are compelled to support
+their responsibilities.  That is ever the eternal drawback.  I, clad in
+the meanest of garments, divested of my coat and hat, would have been
+entirely at ease in my former mean character, and should have passed
+unnoticed in it.  But once I drove to the inn door in the Duke's
+chaise, attired in that fashion, I should be the talk of the place.
+Therefore I brought the horses to a halt, in a secluded part of the
+road, and proceeded to investigate the nature of the articles in the
+chests, in order to see if they could afford an embellishment to our
+present unfortunate garb.  We hoped to discover some money, too, for we
+had not so much as a penny between us.
+
+However, no sooner did we try to open these valises, than we received a
+serious set back.  They were both securely locked.  Search as we might
+among the cushions of the chaise, we could find, as we anticipated,
+never a trace of the keys.  We were greatly dashed, but still it was an
+opportunity for the display of our resources.  I got out of the
+vehicle, and after much poking about in a ditch at the side of the
+road, discovered a heavy stone.  Armed with this, I attempted to knock
+off the fastenings from Mr. Waring's box.  It was a tedious, weary
+business, for they were stout indeed, but at last patience, if not
+virtue, met with its reward.  The lid flew open and disclosed the
+precious contents.
+
+Conscious of our ragged, penniless condition, we enjoyed every thrill
+that such treasure trove could afford us.  To prolong our pleasure we
+refrained from all reckless rummaging, but drew forth and duly examined
+each article in the order in which it was packed.  First came a suit of
+clothes, and then silk stockings, shoes, another suit of clothes,
+handkerchiefs, a razor, brushes, a cocked hat, and all the details that
+go to make up the masculine attire.
+
+But although we delved to the bottom of the box and searched every inch
+of it, we could not discover so much as a copper piece in money.  This
+was a severe disappointment, and we addressed ourselves fearfully to
+the opening of the Duke's box, for should that prove barren of it too,
+our pass would be indeed a sore one.
+
+It was no easier matter to force this box than it had been the other,
+but at last our task was accomplished and the thing stood open before
+us.  The articles within it bore a striking resemblance to those in the
+other, only that they were not so elegant and costly.  They began with
+a shirt and a white cotton night-cap, and below we came upon a wig and
+a dressing-gown, but although our hearts might beat never so wildly it
+was in vain that we looked for money.  Indeed, the only things that we
+might regard as a substitute for it were a few trifling articles of
+jewellery, such as a solitaire and a gold pin or two for the Duke's
+neckcloth, a pearl button, and a pair of shoes with silver buckles.
+
+"Oh," says I, bitterly, "never again will I be at the trouble of
+picking his Grace's baggage if this be the manner of his travelling.
+One would have thought that a duke of all people would have gone
+equipped handsomely.  I expected to find guineas galore; or, allowing
+his Grace to be a thrifty soul, and that he preferred to carry them in
+his boots or next his heart, I had certainly looked for a profusion of
+gold diamond ornaments.  Why, curse it all, never one of his toilet
+requisites hath so much as a pearl or silver handle.  Why, even his
+night-cap, which should be studded with precious stones, like the fez
+of the Shah of Persia, is but a common affair of white cotton.  A Duke
+is not alive to the responsibilities of his position who goes about
+with these mean accompaniments."
+
+"Poor papa," says Cynthia, sadly, "I confess that I ought to have known
+that we must go wanting should we rely on him.  It was ever his chief
+foible to make a halfpenny go as far as two farthings possibly could.
+Even the solitaire surprises me.  I am sure he must be proposing to
+break his journey at the house of the rich widow at Bath, to whom he
+hath been paying his addresses this twelvemonth, else he would never
+have encumbered himself with such an extravagant finery."
+
+We were, indeed, bitterly disappointed.  Here we were, two persons of
+quality, with our own horses and chariot, with two boxes of luggage and
+a case of pistols, and not a grey groat piece to the two of us.  This
+fact seemed to acquire a new irony from our otherwise liberal
+circumstances.  Whatever could we do?  Cynthia suggested that we should
+sell one of the horses, as two were not essential.  However, I was firm
+in the opinion that so long as we retained the chaise we must have two
+horses to draw it, for the Duke was certain to lose not an instant in
+pursuing us in the hottest manner.  I then proposed that we should part
+with the vehicle itself and both the horses, and resume our wandering
+nomad life once more.
+
+Cynthia shuddered at this.  She had plainly no zest now for our former
+mode, nor could it be wondered at, poor child, when her trials and
+exertions came to be considered.  Had there only been me in the case I
+should not have hesitated to try to find a purchaser for our equipage,
+difficult as the matter might have proved.  For I was convinced that we
+were really in a more unsafe situation now than ever before.  It would
+be impossible to avoid publicity; and at every inn we came to we should
+be the objects of conjecture, and everything pertaining to us would be
+discussed and commented on.  Besides, we could no longer sleep where we
+listed.  The horses would require rest and succour whatever the
+deprivations of their masters.
+
+After addressing and re-addressing ourselves to the great problem of
+how to obtain the service of innkeepers without paying for the same, we
+came to the conclusion that we could best hope to do so by adopting a
+former expedient, which was attended with not unhappy results.  In lieu
+of hard cash we must present them with a grievous tale of being stopped
+by a highwayman, who had taken our last penny.  To do this with the
+best effect, however, we must neglect no opportunity of maintaining in
+our own persons the status of our chaise and horses.  My own attire did
+well enough for an ostler, but as our friend Mr. Sadler had pointed
+out, it was likely to detract from the story we had to tell.
+Therefore, I decided to exchange my raiment for the more appropriate
+clothes of Mr. Waring.  I did not apprehend any difficulty in regard to
+the fit, as we were greatly alike in stature.
+
+With this end in view I selected the necessary articles of apparel from
+the box, and left Cynthia to take care of our vehicle, whilst I retired
+into the shelter of a neighbouring hedge and made a complete
+transformation of my outward semblance.  Mrs. Cynthia was hugely
+delighted at the result.  She had never quite been able to acquiesce in
+my late style, and her feelings on the subject were pretty clearly
+indicated by her immense satisfaction now.
+
+"Shoes, and silk stockings too," says she with a childlike pleasure.
+"And what a dear laced coat, and what nice white ruffles!  I am certain
+you make a far more perfect gentleman than you do an ostler, though to
+be sure you are greatly lacking a shave."
+
+"It is ever so," says I.  "The moment one goes up in the world one's
+responsibilities multiply.  When I was an ostler my unrazored chin
+passed without comment; but the moment I improve my condition I must
+shave every morning, or else be more miserable than ever I was in my
+former station."
+
+Mrs. Cynthia was too preoccupied with my appearance to chide me for
+long-winded truisms of this sort.  I must not omit to state that during
+my absence she had supplied the deficiencies in her own attire by
+taking a smart three-cornered hat of Mr. Waring's which, though greatly
+too large for her, she had contrived artfully to adjust on the back of
+her head, and thereby gained a sweetly rakish appearance from it; and
+further supplied her lack of a cloak in a no less skilful fashion by
+draping one of the rugs about her in a way that simulated such an
+article.
+
+We came to an inn with our pitiful tale.  We had it all most
+wonderfully pat, having rehearsed it carefully, until we were able to
+pour it forth with an infinity of detail.  If the distressed condition
+of the horses, and our own evident sincerity were not enough, there
+were the boxes all tumbled and ransacked to add weight to the evidence.
+Our imposition being so well received, and the attitude of the landlord
+seeming so friendly, we determined to run the risk of being overtaken,
+and break our journey here for an hour while we made a meal, and the
+horses were fed and rested.  Whether it was that the landlord was a man
+of a most tender heart, or that our address was so truly excellent, I
+cannot say, but certainly the honest fellow did not hesitate to take us
+at our own valuation.  If there was any small particular in which he
+could serve the earl and countess he should be more than happy.  The
+small particular in which he was able to do so was by remitting the
+amount of our charges against a future occasion, and by lending us a
+guinea or two on no better security than the possession of our pleasant
+manners and a chaise and a pair of horses.
+
+We went our way in much better heart.  We were fortified indeed by such
+a generous confidence.  And so susceptible is the mind to the opinion
+of others, that on the strength of the landlord's disposition, we began
+to hold up our heads again in the world, and to take a rose-coloured
+view of our affairs.  All was not lost yet by a good deal.  With our
+admirable equipage we had resources of a sort; and we were still in the
+complete possession of our freedom.  It remained for us to utilize it
+to the full.
+
+It was while we were engaged with this train of speculation that a
+concrete and definite idea came into my head.  Why not make for the
+port of Bristol and flee the country?  Why not indeed?
+
+"A brave plan, truly," Cynthia says, "but we cannot do it without
+money."
+
+"We will sell our horses and chariot to some honest vintner of Bristol
+city," says I, "and the proceeds should easily suffice to take us to
+the Americas."
+
+Although Mrs. Cynthia shook her head and deprecated it as a wild-goose
+scheme, she was compelled to admit that it was the best that offered.
+Her protests were not unmingled with regret, for she could not be got
+to consider it so light a thing to renounce her country.  For my part I
+must confess that I was troubled with no such scruples.  Like all
+persons who serve it scurvily, and who are least of an ornament to it,
+I held myself to be as ill-used by it as ever it had been by me.  I
+felt that I could renounce it for ever without a pang.
+
+After some little meditation I became immeasurably taken with this
+scheme.  There was no reason why with one bold stroke we should not
+renounce our liabilities and put away our dangers.  Every hour we spent
+in England now was at our peril.  But let us reach the port of Bristol
+and turn our chaise and horses into ready money sufficient to defray
+the expenses of the voyage, and once again should we be able to breathe
+the air of freedom.  Seeing me more than ever possessed with the
+notion, Mrs. Cynthia, like a dutiful wife, began presently to yield to
+it.  She owned at least that a life over seas could not be much more
+precarious than the one we were at present enjoying, and it might
+conceivably be less so.
+
+"But I could wish," says she, "that we had more to found our fortunes
+on.  How can we support ourselves when we get to--to
+what-d'ye-call-'em?"
+
+"You will spin, my dear," says I, "and I shall delve, in some lone wood
+cabin on the prairie."
+
+"But we shall perish of the dulness in a twelve-month."
+
+"Oh no, my dear," says I, "there will be wild beasts and Red Indians to
+provide us with more than enough of relaxation."
+
+By slow degrees I brought her so entirely to my way of thinking, that
+she became as keen to make the port of Bristol as ever I could be.
+Indeed, so much were we put in mind of this that we began to make
+inquiries of our whereabouts, that we might set our faces thither at
+the earliest moment.  We lay that night at an honest, comfortable inn,
+and learned to our surprise that our wanderings had brought us to
+within a day's journey of Exeter.  We had certainly not supposed that
+we had come so far from town, nor that we had penetrated so far into
+the country of the enemy.  For, as Cynthia excitedly exclaimed, in the
+near neighbourhood of Exeter was her father's seat.  This unexpected
+circumstance wrought upon her in a singular way.
+
+"I would dearly love to look on the old place for the last time," she
+said.
+
+Although her father's house had in itself so slight a hold on her
+affection that she had renounced its advantages for ever, despite all
+the desperate consequences of such an act, its proximity had still the
+power to kindle a sentiment in her heart.  Besides, as a little later
+she pointed out, there was a certain expedience in going thither.
+There were some small pieces of her personal property that she had left
+behind in the sudden recklessness of her flight, which could be easily
+retrieved and would add materially to our resources.  This to my mind
+was something like an argument.  I had no longer that fine disregard
+for ways and means with which I had set out on our pilgrimage.  Money
+was a base consideration enough, but it seemed a mighty difficult
+matter to do without it.  Cynthia's few jewels and trinkets were likely
+to serve us too well, even in the Americas, for us to afford to
+disregard them.
+
+Here then was an end to all my objects.  We would diverge a little out
+of the straight road to Bristol, and pay a visit to Cynthia's home in
+the absence of her papa.  We counted for our safety on the fact that we
+must be some hours ahead of that irate old gentleman.  All the same, we
+were taking a considerable risk.  Much depended on how soon our papa
+had been able to replace the chaise and horses we had stolen from him.
+But I do not think we hesitated an instant on this account, having once
+committed ourselves to this daring course.  Besides, there was a
+certain savour of humour in paying a call on his Grace in these
+circumstances, which did a great deal to reconcile us to the
+inconvenience.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXI
+
+WE REAP THE FRUITS OF OUR AUDACITY
+
+The whimsical plan fixed in our minds, we began at once to conceive a
+keener rest for our affairs.  Notwithstanding the urgency of our
+travelling, we had not exchanged the Duke's horses at any of the
+posting-houses we had passed.  Poverty had taught us a fine economic
+prudence.  Whatever we might gain in speed we should lose in momentary
+value, for his Grace's animals were an admirable pair, on which the
+best part of our fortune depended at Bristol.  The continuous strain
+was already telling on them, however, and they flagged a good deal
+during the day.
+
+The evening had already come when we approached our destination.  Among
+the country lanes in the twilight it called for all Cynthia's intimate
+knowledge of the neighbourhood to enable us to pursue the direct path
+to her father's house.  The moon was showing over the trees, and we
+were within a mile of the place, according to madam's account, when we
+were startled by a disconcerting incident.  A sudden clatter of horses'
+hoofs arose in the lane.  From whence they came we could not tell; but
+before we had time to think much about them, a horseman was riding
+beside us, with a particularly sinister-looking pistol presented at our
+faces.
+
+My poor little madam nestled to me in a great deal of terror; but for
+my own part I must confess that I was more annoyed than daunted by such
+an unwarrantable intrusion.
+
+"My dear fellow," I protested, "you are but wasting your time; and you
+are wasting ours too, which just now I am inclined to think is the more
+valuable.  We have not a guinea in the world.  Had we one we should be
+only too happy to present it to you."
+
+The highwayman laughed in a familiar voice.
+
+"Why," says he, putting a pair of mischievous eyes into the chaise, "is
+it not my friend, Lord What's-his-name?"
+
+"My love," says I to the trembling Cynthia, "here is your papa."
+
+"Of course," says the highwayman, "you mean the Duke of Thing-em-bob."
+
+"To be sure I do," says I.  "We are very well met, I think."
+
+By this our chaise had stopped, and Mr. Sadler had pulled his horse up
+too.  I was not at all displeased by this interruption, for in any
+circumstances the sight of this merry, cheerful fellow was welcome.  He
+was one of those rare persons whose voice alone had the power to charm.
+He was a genial rogue indeed; an engaging spirit whom to meet was to
+ask to dinner.  We were already the better for his society.
+
+Therefore, as we had but a mile to go to the Duke's house--Hurley Place
+was the name of it--I proposed that we should carry him along with us,
+and enjoy his company at dinner.  Mr. Sadler was nothing loth.
+
+Wherefore it fell out that the Lady Cynthia returned to her ancestral
+home in the company of a notorious highwayman, and a bankrupt, a
+discredited peer.  What a suppressed excitement there was to be sure
+when we drove up to the door, and it became known among the servants
+that the Lady Cynthia had returned of her own free will!  More than one
+aged servitor, who had grown old in the service of the Duke, was so
+affected by the erring child's return that he shed a silent tear.
+Inquiry elicited the fact that there was no reason to expect our papa
+at present: and that not a word had been heard of his Grace since he
+had left the house in pursuit of his naughty daughter.
+
+Nothing could have been more delightful than the sensations we
+experienced on our brief re-entry into civilization.  What luxuries in
+the matter of washing, shaving, and polishing generally were we able to
+enjoy after the discomforts of our itinerary!
+
+Cynthia had her own maid to dress her; Mr. Sadler was provided with a
+valet of the Duke's, and another man was found for me.  Orders were
+given to the butler that the best dinner for three persons the cook
+could devise was to be served in an hour, and in the meantime we
+arrayed ourselves in our choicest garments to do justice to it.  It was
+the last evening of luxury we were likely to spend; and we were
+determined that we would neglect no opportunity of making the most of
+it.
+
+The contents of Mr. Waring's valise were a material assistance to my
+wardrobe, and for that matter to Mr. Sadler's too.  His silk stockings
+and breeches, brocaded vests, and laced coats, served us admirably.  We
+took advantage of them, chiefly, I think, for the laudable reason that
+we might do the more honour to Cynthia and the dinner.  And I at least
+am free to confess that the sensation of having once again clean smart
+clothes upon my person gave a wonderful impetus to my self-esteem.  I
+felt that I could look the world in the face once more, and that I was
+again my own man.  I never was a scoffer at the virtues of fine
+clothes, and distrust him that is.  So long as one is sure of one's
+tailor, one's soul may take care of itself.  The grace of a good coat
+is communicated to the wearer.
+
+Although Mr. Sadler and I were attired as near the first fashion as our
+borrowed plumes would permit, we were as nothing to Mrs. Cynthia.  When
+she joined us in the room where the dinner was laid, my friend, the
+highwayman, _blase_ as he was, could not repress his admiration.  She
+did indeed appear to perfection not only in the cunning of her gown,
+but in the sparkling animation of her face, her lively colour, and the
+mocking intrepidity lurking in her eyes.
+
+Her mood was a match for the occasion.  She clearly recognized the
+extravagant whimsicality of sitting down to dinner in such company, at
+such a season, and in such a place.  It was a piece of mad folly, of
+cynical bravado; and she took her seat at the table with an air of
+reckless mischief that was wholly adorable.  She played the game.
+To-morrow we must leave our native land for ever, but that night we
+contrived to forget everything--our perilous situation, our destitution
+and our desperate case, in quips and jests, good wine and boisterous
+laughter.
+
+Mr. Sadler afterwards, very deservedly I do not doubt, came to be
+hanged.  But it was sound judgment in me to invite him to our last
+dinner.  What a fine merry rogue he was, to be sure!  What an instinct
+he betrayed for goodfellowship!  He came to be hanged, it is true, but
+that night his laugh rang the loudest and frankest, his jests had the
+keenest edge, and it was from his eyes that the most whole-hearted
+humour beaconed.  He was as merry a rascal as any with whom I ever had
+the honour to drain a glass.  But he was a man of true breeding too, so
+that he neither embarrassed Mrs. Cynthia as a highwayman less of a
+gentleman doubtless would have done in such singular circumstances; nor
+did he once arouse anger or jealousy in me.
+
+"To your eyes, your ladyship, and to your lordship's nose," so far from
+provoking offence, became a source of mirth from the frank jovial tones
+with which it was uttered, and the inimitable gestures by which it was
+accompanied.  For his own part, Mr. Sadler admitted that this meeting
+was highly piquant to him, since on a former occasion he had solemnly
+written us down in his own mind as a pair of cheats and impostors.  It
+struck him as an entirely remarkable circumstance that after all we
+should prove to be the very persons we had purported to be; and as one
+no less so, that he should ever have presumed us to be otherwise.  But
+as I pointed out to him, after all, his error was not so surprising.
+The judgment of the world is at the mercy of the obvious.  It prefers
+to appraise a picture by its frame.  Were it otherwise, our very
+titles, and material distinctions of that kind, would cease to have a
+meaning.
+
+Oblivious of everything, we continued to cat and drink, and be of good
+cheer.  In the audacity of our mood neither Cynthia nor I gave a
+thought to our pursuers.  We did not consider that we were in the house
+of the enemy, and that it could be by no means unexpected that we
+should be surprised at any hour.  And I am not sure that we were
+prepared greatly to care should aught so untoward happen.  By this I
+believe we were utterly desperate.  A reaction had come upon us.  We,
+who had been so excessively solicitous for the well-being of our skins
+and the preservation of our perfect liberty, were at this moment unable
+to muster much interest in these matters.  We were in a warm room, in a
+congenial society, snug, well fed, and mighty well content.  No two
+persons could have been in a happier case in which to confront the
+worst.  Let the devil walk in if he chose.  For once we were in a
+condition to beard him.  Our cheeks burnt; our eyes shone; our hearts
+were overflowing and generous.
+
+Such was the state of our minds, when without a solitary note of
+warning, and as a wholly natural consequence, the devil walked in.  In
+the very height of our cheerful rattle, of our foolish talk that
+hallowed by the bottle was so witty, the door opened suddenly, and the
+oath that sprang to my lips involuntarily to greet the servant who had
+so unceremoniously obtruded himself upon our familiar gaiety, was
+stifled before it was uttered.  The little Duke hopped in, purple, and
+gobbling like a turkey.  The cool and smiling Mr. Humphrey Waring,
+chewing his eternal wisp of straw, followed at his heels at a more
+elegant leisure.
+
+I suppose their sudden unheralded appearance was to us in the nature of
+a thunderbolt.  Yet after all it was so little unexpected as not to
+astonish us.  And, speaking for myself, now that I was fairly cornered,
+my last card played, the old recklessness returned, and instead of
+faltering before this outraged old gentleman, I rose, bowed, and
+greeted him with the completest self possession.  And as I did so,
+whether by virtue of the noble wine of his Grace's cellar, or as
+probably by an ecstasy of desperation, I conceived a kind of joy of our
+meeting.
+
+Between his alternate gobblings and hoppings and gaspings for breath,
+the old gentleman must have come perilously close to his inevitable
+apoplexy.  At first in his inarticulate fury he could neither speak nor
+act; and I found myself awaiting his good pleasure quite a long time,
+with a smile of greeting on my lips, and my hand on my heart.
+
+
+
+
+CHAPTER XXII
+
+THE LAST
+
+In the end it was neither his Grace nor I who broke the spell.  Mr.
+Waring took the wisp of straw from his teeth, and says:
+
+"Tiverton, my dear fellow, you amuse me."
+
+"I rather amuse myself," says I, a little wearily.  "We are come to the
+last act in this somewhat pitiful poor-hearted sort of farce, and I
+suppose we must continue furiously to laugh until the curtain is rung
+down."
+
+"Of course, my dear fellow, of course," says Waring.  "But before we do
+so, would it not be as well if we had a few brief explanations in the
+true stage manner?  In the first place, may I ask why you so
+persistently shun the society of the one person who is the most likely
+to contribute something towards setting you right in the eyes of the
+world?"
+
+"I confess I do not understand you," says I.
+
+"Then I am sorry for it," says my rival, with a strange frank smile.
+"For, after all, the person I refer to is myself."
+
+"You?" says I.
+
+The incredulity in my voice caused the man to open his snuff-box very
+deliberately, and to offer its contents to me.
+
+"Perhaps, after all," says he, "there is no particular reason why you
+should take my meaning.  For you have doubtless forgotten that I am the
+only person now alive who was privileged to witness a certain incident.
+But that of course may be a fact you may wish to forget; or the
+incident in question may be too trifling for your recollection.  In any
+case I ask your pardon if I weary you."
+
+"On the contrary," says I coldly, "you interest me vastly."
+
+"The topic is one I should crave your pardon for mentioning," says the
+other, with his baffling air; "were not your interest so greatly at
+stake.  I presume you are not unacquainted with the construction the
+world hath already put upon this matter?"
+
+"I am not," says I curtly.
+
+"Then I hope, my dear fellow," says Waring, "you will accept a service,
+however slight, at my hands.  My testimony may be of some little value
+to you before a jury of your peers."
+
+My rival held out his hand with a jovial grace.  I stood looking at it,
+groping, with the wine still in my brain.  For the candour sparkling in
+the fellow's eyes was a thing I had never seen in that place before;
+the winning earnestness of it was so hard to realize that it
+overwhelmed me.  The bitter truth suddenly poured into my heart like a
+torrent.
+
+"My God," says I, "all this time I have been weighing your character by
+the measure of my own.  Is it not ever the fate of the mean and the
+little to do so?  You have been the phantom, from whom we have fled.
+The phantom, however, was not in a chaise and pair, but in our own
+hearts!"
+
+"The old fault, Tiverton, I protest," says Waring.  "What a trite,
+pragmatical, moralizing fellow it is!  I do hope you will not, like
+your damned old ancestor, lay a burden on an unprovoking posterity and
+write a book."
+
+"Ecod, I will," says I, "one day.  I will take a revenge of my mean
+mind by exhibiting it naked to the sneers of the world.  But in the
+meantime, Waring, I must show you in your true colours to my little
+Cynthia.  Even her feminine penetration had not divined them."
+
+It was a light word, lightly uttered; and I cursed myself.  The man was
+as pale as his neckcloth, and the old mocking whimsicality--alas!  I
+had nearly writ ugliness--was in his eyes.  There was but an instant in
+which this was to be observed, however, for with shaking fingers he
+opened his snuff-box, and regained possession of himself.
+
+I offered him my hand.
+
+"Waring," says I, "we cannot ever be friends.  You will continue to
+loathe me as you would a thief; and I on my part shall continue to hate
+you for the consummate hypocrite and charlatan you are.  But, curse my
+jacket, sir! as a dilettante in the arts, as a lover of the beautiful,
+I shall reverence for ever your singularly noble character."
+
+"Then I am repaid," says this cynical, candid devil.  "'Tis the reward
+I had looked for, my good Tiverton, that you, robber and ruffian as you
+are, whose foremost desire will ever be to put an inch of steel in my
+heart, should yet be condemned to lay your neck in the dust while
+Humphrey Waring walks upon it.  I do not think I could desire a
+prettier revenge.  'Tis a dear pretty chit, though."
+
+Involuntarily his eyes wandered across the room to Cynthia.  Mine
+followed them, in spite of myself, jealously.  It was then I saw that a
+strange thing had happened.  Father and daughter were seated together,
+tears streaming down their faces, locked in one another's arms.
+
+"Your victory is completer than I had supposed," says my rival coolly.
+
+At the moment I did not perceive the full force of his meaning.  An
+instant later, however, I had that felicity.  The old man in a broken
+voice called me over to him.  The tears still streamed down his cheeks.
+
+"I am a foolish, fond old man," says his Grace.  "Curse it all, was
+there ever such a damned, snuffling, weak old fool as I am!  Ecod, I
+must be very old.  How old am I, Humphrey?"
+
+"Eighty-two in December, Duke."
+
+"Curse me, so I am," says his Grace.  "If I hadn't been so old--if I
+had been eighty now, if I had been eighty--I would 'a broken a stick
+across your shoulders, miss, and I would 'a peppered your hide with
+lead, young what's-your-name.  But as I'm so old, 'od's lud!  I suppose
+I must be benevolent.  Miss says she loves you, young man--don't you,
+my pretty pet?--And she says you love her, so I suppose you had better
+marry her.  Humphrey won't mind; will you, Humphrey?  You be an old
+bachelor, and don't be plagued with daughters.  But I forget the
+fellow's name; what's his name, Humphrey?"
+
+"Tiverton," says Humphrey.
+
+"Of course," says the Duke.  "Knew your father, young man; thin man
+with a bald head and no chin; used to stutter when he got excited.
+Knew your grandfather too.  Of course I knew your grandfather, he, he,
+he!  Was at Eton with him.  Great man, your grandfather; writ a
+pamphlet or something.  Dirty little varlet at Eton; had red hair.
+What is the amount of your debts, young man?  I suppose I must pay 'em,
+though why I don't know.  But we'll go into it to-morrow, young
+Tiverton.  I must go to bed.  Give me your shoulder, Humphrey."
+
+Here is the end of my prosaic history.  The Duke's credit and
+influence, and Mr. Waring's testimony averted those calamities that had
+been such a nightmare to us.  We also had the banns cried; and were
+married all over again by Parson Scriven, lest any irregularities in
+regard to the union of Jane Smith and John Jones, or Jane Jones and
+John Smith, should recoil on their heirs.  Mr. Waring lives on his
+property in Ireland, troubles Saint James's little, and Devonshire
+less.  Mr. Sadler, as I have said, came to be hanged.  No man of the
+world was more courteous and polite than he; no man was more genial;
+yet I should be the last to deny that his fate was richly merited.
+Even in the very moment of our reconciliation on that eventful night,
+he stole away.  A pair of cameos of great price went with him, I grieve
+to say.  It may, of course, have been his boast that he too was a lover
+of the beautiful.
+
+
+
+
+THE END
+
+
+
+
+LONDON: WARD, LOCK & CO., LIMITED.
+
+
+
+
+WARD, LOCK & CO.'S
+
+Sevenpenny Net Novels
+
+_Cloth Gilt.  With frontispiece, and attractive coloured wrapper_, 7_d.
+net_.
+
+
+Fiction-lovers have welcomed the appearance in this dainty and
+attractive form of some of the best work of leading modern novelists.
+All the stories included are copyright and of proved popularity.  The
+type is large and readable, and the neat cloth binding renders the
+volumes worthy of permanent preservation.
+
+
+THE GARDEN OF LIES.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN
+
+The novel with which Mr. Forman attained popularity.  A real romance,
+full of vigour, passion and charm.
+
+
+ANNA, THE ADVENTURESS.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM
+
+Mr. Oppenheim excels himself in this story, which has been the most
+successful of all his novels.
+
+
+RAINBOW ISLAND.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+"Should be hailed with joyous shouts of welcome."--_The Literary World_.
+
+
+THE IMPOSTOR.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+Will live and always rank as its author's most powerful and engrossing
+work.
+
+
+THE MOTHER.
+
+EDEN PHILLPOTTS.
+
+"This is Mr. Phillpotts' best book," said _The Daily Telegraph_.
+
+
+A STUDY IN SCARLET.
+
+(The first book about Sherlock Holmes.)
+
+A. CONAN DOYLE.
+
+"One of the cleverest and best detective stories we have
+seen."--_London Quarterly Review_.
+
+
+A MAKER OF HISTORY.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+Mr. Oppenheim's skill has never been displayed to better advantage.
+
+
+BUCHANAN'S WIFE.
+
+JUSTUS M. FORMAN.
+
+A thoroughly fine book from start to finish.
+
+
+THE PILLAR OF LIGHT.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+A wonderfully fascinating and breathlessly exciting story, told in Mr.
+Tracy's best style.
+
+
+A BID FOR FORTUNE.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+The first and best of all the exciting adventures of Dr. Nikola.
+
+
+THE DAY OF TEMPTATION.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+An enthralling mystery tale.
+
+
+THE BEAUTIFUL WHITE DEVIL.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A more exciting romance no man could reasonably ask for.
+
+
+WHEN I WAS CZAR.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+A really brilliant novel, full of dramatic incident and smart dialogue.
+
+
+THE CRIMSON BLIND.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+One of the most ingeniously conceived detective stories ever written.
+
+
+THE LODESTAR.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+
+A fine and distinguished romance.
+
+
+IN WHITE RAIMENT.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+Absolutely the most puzzling and enthralling of Mr. Le Queux's many
+popular romances.
+
+
+NOT PROVEN.
+
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+
+The finest emotional and entertaining story these authors have written.
+
+
+YOUNG LORD STRANLEIGH.
+
+ROBERT BARR.
+
+"The most amusing and at the same time the most exciting novel of the
+year."--_Manchester Courier_.
+
+
+THE DUST OF CONFLICT.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+Another excellent story of adventure comparable to its Author's great
+success "The Impostor."
+
+
+TWO BAD BLUE EYES.
+
+"RITA."
+
+A delightfully charming and exciting story of strong human interest.
+
+
+MR WINGRAVE, MILLIONAIRE.
+
+E. P. OPPENHEIM.
+
+A rattling good novel of remarkable power and fascination.
+
+
+THE CORNER HOUSE.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+Crammed with sensation and mystery--an excellent romance that will be
+eagerly read.
+
+
+IN STRANGE COMPANY.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A capital novel of the sensational-adventurous order.
+
+
+THE SPORTING CHANCE.
+
+A. AND C. ASKEW.
+
+A bright and alluring story that is well worth reading.
+
+
+THE GOLD WOLF.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON.
+
+Throbbing with interest and excitement from start to finish.
+
+
+THE SECRET.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+"One of the most engrossing stories we have read."--_Daily Telegraph_.
+
+
+A DAMAGED REPUTATION.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+"Once more we repeat that Mr. Bindloss has stepped into the shoes of
+the late Seton Merriman."--_Daily Mail_.
+
+
+THE SOUL OF GOLD.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+
+This story has been acclaimed by _The Daily Telegraph_ as worthy of
+much praise and cleverly worked out.
+
+
+THE MARRIAGE OF ESTHER.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+A story full of action, life, and dramatic interest.
+
+
+LADY BARBARITY.
+
+J. C. SNAITH.
+
+"'Lady Barbarity' would cheer a pessimist in a November fog."--_Black
+and White_.
+
+
+BY WIT OF WOMAN.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+The ingenuity of this exciting story positively takes one's breath away.
+
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+THE WHEEL O' FORTUNE.
+
+A bright and breezy adventure story.
+
+
+THE SLAVE OF SILENCE.
+
+FRED M. WHITE.
+
+Plot and counterplot, mystery and excitement, sentiment and
+romance--all skilfully blended.
+
+
+DARBY AND JOAN.
+
+"RITA."
+
+One of Rita's most enthralling tales.
+
+
+THE RED CHANCELLOR.
+
+SIR WILLIAM MAGNAY.
+
+A romantic and breathlessly exciting yarn.
+
+
+THE TEMPTRESS.
+
+WILLIAM LE QUEUX.
+
+A fascinating mystery story of holding interest.
+
+
+PRO PATRIA.
+
+MAX PEMBERTON
+
+Shows Mr. Pemberton at his best.
+
+
+THE FASCINATION OF THE KING.
+
+GUY BOOTHBY.
+
+Fairly bristles with thrilling passages, exciting adventures, and
+hairbreadth escapes.
+
+
+WILD SHEBA.
+
+ALICE AND CLAUDE ASKEW.
+
+Brimful of life and amusement.
+
+
+BY SNARE OF LOVE.
+
+A. W. MARCHMONT.
+
+One of the most rousing romances of modern times.
+
+
+BENEATH HER STATION.
+
+HAROLD BINDLOSS.
+
+A powerful and well written story of hardihood, love and adventure.
+
+
+HOPE MY WIFE.
+
+L. G. MOBERLY.
+
+Provides much sentiment and pathos.
+
+
+THE MISSIONER.
+
+E. PHILLIPS OPPENHEIM.
+
+Deeply engrossing as a novel, pure in style, and practically faultless
+as a literary work.
+
+
+THE MESSAGE OF FATE.
+
+LOUIS TRACY.
+
+Written in a clear and crisp style, the story abounds with thrilling
+situations, in which love, jealousy, intrigue and mystery play an
+important part.
+
+
+THE WAYFARERS.
+
+J. C. SNAITH.
+
+Pulsing with strong healthy life, and brimming over with incident.
+
+
+TOMMY CARTERET.
+
+JUSTUS MILES FORMAN.
+
+Another triumph from the pen of the author of "The Garden of Lies,"
+"Buchanan's Wife," etc.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wayfarers, by J. C. Snaith
+
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