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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/354-h.zip b/354-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..abe8ec7 --- /dev/null +++ b/354-h.zip diff --git a/354-h/354-h.htm b/354-h/354-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e1385f6 --- /dev/null +++ b/354-h/354-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,9552 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="us-ascii"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Story of a Pioneer, by Anna Howard Shaw + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Story of a Pioneer, by Anna Howard Shaw + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Story of a Pioneer + With The Collaboration Of Elizabeth Jordan + +Author: Anna Howard Shaw + +Release Date: July 11, 2008 [EBook #354] +Last Updated: February 6, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STORY OF A PIONEER *** + + + + +Produced by Mike Lough, and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE STORY OF A PIONEER + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Anna Howard Shaw, D.D., M.D. + </h2> + <h3> + With The Collaboration Of Elizabeth Jordan + </h3> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h3> + TO THE WOMEN PIONEERS OF AMERICA + </h3> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + They cut a path through tangled underwood + Of old traditions, out to broader ways. + They lived to here their work called brave and good, + But oh! the thorns before the crown of bays. + The world gives lashes to its Pioneers + Until the goal is reached—then deafening cheers. + + Adapted by ANNA HOWARD SHAW. +</pre> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <blockquote> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> <big><b>THE STORY OF A PIONEER</b></big> </a> + </p> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> I. FIRST MEMORIES </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> II. IN THE WILDERNESS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0007"> V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0008"> VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0009"> VII. THE GREAT CAUSE </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0010"> VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE-FIELD </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0011"> IX. "AUNT SUSAN" </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0012"> X. THE PASSING OF "AUNT SUSAN" </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0013"> XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0014"> XII. BUILDING A HOME </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0015"> XIII. PRESIDENT OF "THE NATIONAL" </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0016"> XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0017"> XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0018"> XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0019"> XVII. VALE! </a> + </p> + </blockquote> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <h2> + THE STORY OF A PIONEER + </h2> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I. FIRST MEMORIES + </h2> + <p> + My father's ancestors were the Shaws of Rothiemurchus, in Scotland, and + the ruins of their castle may still be seen on the island of + Loch-an-Eilan, in the northern Highlands. It was never the picturesque + castle of song and story, this home of the fighting Shaws, but an austere + fortress, probably built in Roman times; and even to-day the crumbling + walls which alone are left of it show traces of the relentless assaults + upon them. Of these the last and the most successful were made in the + seventeenth century by the Grants and Rob Roy; and it was into the hands + of the Grants that the Shaw fortress finally fell, about 1700, after + almost a hundred years of ceaseless warfare. + </p> + <p> + It gives me no pleasure to read the grisly details of their struggles, but + I confess to a certain satisfaction in the knowledge that my ancestors + made a good showing in the defense of what was theirs. Beyond doubt they + were brave fighters and strong men. There were other sides to their + natures, however, which the high lights of history throw up less + appealingly. As an instance, we have in the family chronicles the + blood-stained page of Allen Shaw, the oldest son of the last Lady Shaw who + lived in the fortress. It appears that when the father of this young man + died, about 1560, his mother married again, to the intense disapproval of + her son. For some time after the marriage he made no open revolt against + the new-comer in the domestic circle; but finally, on the pretext that his + dog had been attacked by his stepfather, he forced a quarrel with the + older man and the two fought a duel with swords, after which the + victorious Allen showed a sad lack of chivalry. He not only killed his + stepfather, but he cut off that gentleman's head and bore it to his mother + in her bedchamber—an action which was considered, even in that + tolerant age, to be carrying filial resentment too far. + </p> + <p> + Probably Allen regretted it. Certainly he paid a high penalty for it, and + his clan suffered with him. He was outlawed and fled, only to be hunted + down for months, and finally captured and executed by one of the Grants, + who, in further virtuous disapproval of Allen's act, seized and held the + Shaw stronghold. The other Shaws of the clan fought long and ably for its + recovery, but though they were helped by their kinsmen, the Mackintoshes, + and though good Scotch blood dyed the gray walls of the fortress for many + generations, the castle never again came into the hands of the Shaws. It + still entails certain obligations for the Grants, however, and one of + these is to give the King of England a snowball whenever he visits + Loch-an-Eilan! + </p> + <p> + As the years passed the Shaw clan scattered. Many Shaws are still to be + found in the Mackintosh country and throughout southern Scotland. Others + went to England, and it was from this latter branch that my father sprang. + His name was Thomas Shaw, and he was the younger son of a gentleman—a + word which in those days seemed to define a man who devoted his time + largely to gambling and horse-racing. My grandfather, like his father + before him, was true to the traditions of his time and class. Quite + naturally and simply he squandered all he had, and died abruptly, leaving + his wife and two sons penniless. They were not, however, a helpless band. + They, too, had their traditions, handed down by the fighting Shaws. Peter, + the older son, became a soldier, and died bravely in the Crimean War. My + father, through some outside influence, turned his attention to trade, + learning to stain and emboss wallpaper by hand, and developing this work + until he became the recognized expert in his field. Indeed, he progressed + until he himself checked his rise by inventing a machine that made his + handwork unnecessary. His employer at once claimed and utilized this + invention, to which, by the laws of those days, he was entitled, and thus + the cornerstone on which my father had expected to build a fortune proved + the rock on which his career was wrecked. But that was years later, in + America, and many other things had happened first. + </p> + <p> + For one, he had temporarily dropped his trade and gone into the + flour-and-grain business; and, for another, he had married my mother. She + was the daughter of a Scotch couple who had come to England and settled in + Alnwick, in Northumberland County. Her father, James Stott, was the driver + of the royal-mail stage between Alnwick and Newcastle, and his accidental + death while he was still a young man left my grandmother and her eight + children almost destitute. She was immediately given a position in the + castle of the Duke of Northumberland, and her sons were educated in the + duke's school, while her daughters were entered in the school of the + duchess. + </p> + <p> + My thoughts dwell lovingly on this grandmother, Nicolas Grant Stott, for + she was a remarkable woman, with a dauntless soul and progressive ideas + far in advance of her time. She was one of the first Unitarians in + England, and years before any thought of woman suffrage entered the minds + of her country-women she refused to pay tithes to the support of the + Church of England—an action which precipitated a long-drawn-out + conflict between her and the law. In those days it was customary to assess + tithes on every pane of glass in a window, and a portion of the money thus + collected went to the support of the Church. Year after year my intrepid + grandmother refused to pay these assessments, and year after year she sat + pensively upon her door-step, watching articles of her furniture being + sold for money to pay her tithes. It must have been an impressive picture, + and it was one with which the community became thoroughly familiar, as the + determined old lady never won her fight and never abandoned it. She had at + least the comfort of public sympathy, for she was by far the most popular + woman in the countryside. Her neighbors admired her courage; perhaps they + appreciated still more what she did for them, for she spent all her + leisure in the homes of the very poor, mending their clothing and teaching + them to sew. Also, she left behind her a path of cleanliness as definite + as the line of foam that follows a ship; for it soon became known among + her protegees that Nicolas Stott was as much opposed to dirt as she was to + the payment of tithes. + </p> + <p> + She kept her children in the schools of the duke and duchess until they + had completed the entire course open to them. A hundred times, and among + many new scenes and strange people, I have heard my mother describe her + own experiences as a pupil. All the children of the dependents of the + castle were expected to leave school at fourteen years of age. During + their course they were not allowed to study geography, because, in the + sage opinion of their elders, knowledge of foreign lands might make them + discontented and inclined to wander. Neither was composition encouraged—that + might lead to the writing of love-notes! But they were permitted to absorb + all the reading and arithmetic their little brains could hold, while the + art of sewing was not only encouraged, but proficiency in it was + stimulated by the award of prizes. My mother, being a rather precocious + young person, graduated at thirteen and carried off the first prize. The + garment she made was a linen chemise for the duchess, and the little + needlewoman had embroidered on it, with her own hair, the august lady's + coat of arms. The offering must have been appreciated, for my mother's + story always ended with the same words, uttered with the same air of + gentle pride, "And the duchess gave me with her own hands my Bible and my + mug of beer!" She never saw anything amusing in this association of gifts, + and I always stood behind her when she told the incident, that she might + not see the disrespectful mirth it aroused in me. + </p> + <p> + My father and mother met in Alnwick, and were married in February, 1835. + Ten years after his marriage father was forced into bankruptcy by the + passage of the corn law, and to meet the obligations attending his failure + he and my mother sold practically everything they possessed—their + home, even their furniture. Their little sons, who were away at school, + were brought home, and the family expenses were cut down to the barest + margin; but all these sacrifices paid only part of the debts. My mother, + finding that her early gift had a market value, took in sewing. Father + went to work on a small salary, and both my parents saved every penny they + could lay aside, with the desperate determination to pay their remaining + debts. It was a long struggle and a painful one, but they finally won it. + Before they had done so, however, and during their bleakest days, their + baby died, and my mother, like her mother before her, paid the penalty of + being outside the fold of the Church of England. She, too, was a + Unitarian, and her baby, therefore, could not be laid in any consecrated + burial-ground in her neighborhood. She had either to bury it in the + Potter's Field, with criminals, suicides, and paupers, or to take it by + stage-coach to Alnwick, twenty miles away, and leave it in the little + Unitarian churchyard where, after her strenuous life, Nicolas Stott now + lay in peace. She made the dreary journey alone, with the dear burden + across her lap. + </p> + <p> + In 1846, my parents went to London. There they did not linger long, for + the big, indifferent city had nothing to offer them. They moved to + Newcastle-on-Tyne, and here I was born, on the fourteenth day of February, + in 1847. Three boys and two girls had preceded me in the family circle, + and when I was two years old my younger sister came. We were little better + off in Newcastle than in London, and now my father began to dream the + great dream of those days. He would go to America. Surely, he felt, in + that land of infinite promise all would be well with him and his. He + waited for the final payment of his debts and for my younger sister's + birth. Then he bade us good-by and sailed away to make an American home + for us; and in the spring of 1851 my mother followed him with her six + children, starting from Liverpool in a sailing-vessel, the John Jacob + Westervelt. + </p> + <p> + I was then little more than four years old, and the first vivid memory I + have is that of being on shipboard and having a mighty wave roll over me. + I was lying on what seemed to be an enormous red box under a hatchway, and + the water poured from above, almost drowning me. This was the beginning of + a storm which raged for days, and I still have of it a confused memory, a + sort of nightmare, in which strange horrors figure, and which to this day + haunts me at intervals when I am on the sea. The thing that stands out + most strongly during that period is the white face of my mother, ill in + her berth. We were with five hundred emigrants on the lowest deck of the + ship but one, and as the storm grew wilder an unreasoning terror filled + our fellow-passengers. Too ill to protect her helpless brood, my mother + saw us carried away from her for hours at a time, on the crests of waves + of panic that sometimes approached her and sometimes receded, as they + swept through the black hole in which we found ourselves when the hatches + were nailed down. No madhouse, I am sure, could throw more hideous + pictures on the screen of life than those which met our childish eyes + during the appalling three days of the storm. Our one comfort was the + knowledge that our mother was not afraid. She was desperately ill, but + when we were able to reach her, to cling close to her for a blessed + interval, she was still the sure refuge she had always been. + </p> + <p> + On the second day the masts went down, and on the third day the disabled + ship, which now had sprung a leak and was rolling helplessly in the trough + of the sea, was rescued by another ship and towed back to Queenstown, the + nearest port. The passengers, relieved of their anxieties, went from their + extreme of fear to an equal extreme of drunken celebration. They laughed, + sang, and danced, but when we reached the shore many of them returned to + the homes they had left, declaring that they had had enough of the ocean. + We, however, remained on the ship until she was repaired, and then sailed + on her again. We were too poor to return home; indeed, we had no home to + which we could return. We were even too poor to live ashore. But we made + some penny excursions in the little boats that plied back and forth, and + to us children at least the weeks of waiting were not without interest. + Among other places we visited Spike Island, where the convicts were, and + for hours we watched the dreary shuttle of labor swing back and forth as + the convicts carried pails of water from one side of the island, only to + empty them into the sea at the other side. It was merely "busy work," to + keep them occupied at hard labor; but even then I must have felt some dim + sense of the irony of it, for I have remembered it vividly all these + years. + </p> + <p> + Our second voyage on the John Jacob Westervelt was a very different + experience from the first. By day a glorious sun shone overhead; by night + we had the moon and stars, as well as the racing waves we never wearied of + watching. For some reason, probably because of my intense admiration for + them, which I showed with unmaidenly frankness, I became the special pet + of the sailors. They taught me to sing their songs as they hauled on their + ropes, and I recall, as if I had learned it yesterday, one pleasing ditty: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Haul on the bow-line, + Kitty is my darling, + Haul on the bow-line, + The bow-line—HAUL! +</pre> + <p> + When I sang "haul" all the sailors pulled their hardest, and I had an + exhilarating sense of sharing in their labors. As a return for my service + of song the men kept my little apron full of ship sugar—very black + stuff and probably very bad for me; but I ate an astonishing amount of it + during that voyage, and, so far as I remember, felt no ill effects. + </p> + <p> + The next thing I recall is being seriously scalded. I was at the foot of a + ladder up which a sailor was carrying a great pot of hot coffee. He + slipped, and the boiling liquid poured down on me. I must have had some + bad days after that, for I was terribly burned, but they are mercifully + vague. My next vivid impression is of seeing land, which we sighted at + sunset, and I remember very distinctly just how it looked. It has never + looked the same since. The western sky was a mass of crimson and gold + clouds, which took on the shapes of strange and beautiful things. To me it + seemed that we were entering heaven. I remember also the doctors coming on + board to examine us, and I can still see a line of big Irishmen standing + very straight and holding out their tongues for inspection. To a little + girl only four years old their huge, open mouths looked appalling. + </p> + <p> + On landing a grievous disappointment awaited us; my father did not meet + us. He was in New Bedford, Massachusetts, nursing his grief and preparing + to return to England, for he had been told that the John Jacob Westervelt + had been lost at sea with every soul on board. One of the missionaries who + met the ship took us under his wing and conducted us to a little hotel, + where we remained until father had received his incredible news and rushed + to New York. He could hardly believe that we were really restored to him; + and even now, through the mists of more than half a century, I can still + see the expression in his wet eyes as he picked me up and tossed me into + the air. + </p> + <p> + I can see, too, the toys he brought me—a little saw and a hatchet, + which became the dearest treasures of my childish days. They were + fatidical gifts, that saw and hatchet; in the years ahead of me I was to + use tools as well as my brothers did, as I proved when I helped to build + our frontier home. + </p> + <p> + We went to New Bedford with father, who had found work there at his old + trade; and here I laid the foundations of my first childhood friendship, + not with another child, but with my next-door neighbor, a ship-builder. + Morning after morning this man swung me on his big shoulder and took me to + his shipyard, where my hatchet and saw had violent exercise as I imitated + the workers around me. Discovering that my tiny petticoats were in my way, + my new friend had a little boy's suit made for me; and thus emancipated, + at this tender age, I worked unwearyingly at his side all day long and day + after day. No doubt it was due to him that I did not casually saw off a + few of my toes and fingers. Certainly I smashed them often enough with + blows of my dull but active hatchet. I was very, very busy; and I have + always maintained that I began to earn my share of the family's living at + the age of five—for in return for the delights of my society, which + seemed never to pall upon him, my new friend allowed my brothers to carry + home from the shipyard all the wood my mother could use. + </p> + <p> + We remained in New Bedford less than a year, for in the spring of 1852 my + father made another change, taking his family to Lawrence, Massachusetts, + where we lived until 1859. The years in Lawrence were interesting and + formative ones. At the tender age of nine and ten I became interested in + the Abolition movement. We were Unitarians, and General Oliver and many of + the prominent citizens of Lawrence belonged to the Unitarian Church. We + knew Robert Shaw, who led the first negro regiment, and Judge Storrow, one + of the leading New England judges of his time, as well as the Cabots and + George A. Walton, who was the author of Walton's Arithmetic and head of + the Lawrence schools. Outbursts of war talk thrilled me, and occasionally + I had a little adventure of my own, as when one day, in visiting our + cellar, I heard a noise in the coal-bin. I investigated and discovered a + negro woman concealed there. I had been reading Uncle Tom's Cabin, as well + as listening to the conversation of my elders, so I was vastly stirred + over the negro question. I raced up-stairs in a condition of awe-struck + and quivering excitement, which my mother promptly suppressed by sending + me to bed. No doubt she questioned my youthful discretion, for she almost + convinced me that I had seen nothing at all—almost, but not quite; + and she wisely kept me close to her for several days, until the escaped + slave my father was hiding was safely out of the house and away. Discovery + of this serious offense might have borne grave results for him. + </p> + <p> + It was in Lawrence, too, that I received and spent my first twenty-five + cents. I used an entire day in doing this, and the occasion was one of the + most delightful and memorable of my life. It was the Fourth of July, and I + was dressed in white and rode in a procession. My sister Mary, who also + graced the procession, had also been given twenty-five cents; and during + the parade, when, for obvious reasons, we were unable to break ranks and + spend our wealth, the consciousness of it lay heavily upon us. When we + finally began our shopping the first place we visited was a candy store, + and I recall distinctly that we forced the weary proprietor to take down + and show us every jar in the place before we spent one penny. The first + banana I ever ate was purchased that day, and I hesitated over it a long + time. Its cost was five cents, and in view of that large expenditure, the + eating of the fruit, I was afraid, would be too brief a joy. I bought it, + however, and the experience developed into a tragedy, for, not knowing + enough to peel the banana, I bit through skin and pulp alike, as if I were + eating an apple, and then burst into ears of disappointment. The beautiful + conduct of my sister Mary shines down through the years. She, wise child, + had taken no chances with the unknown; but now, moved by my despair, she + bought half of my banana, and we divided the fruit, the loss, and the + lesson. Fate, moreover, had another turn of the screw for us, for, after + Mary had taken a bite of it, we gave what was left of the banana to a boy + who stood near us and who knew how to eat it; and not even the large + amount of candy in our sticky hands enabled us to regard with calmness the + subsequent happiness of that little boy. + </p> + <p> + Another experience with fruit in Lawrence illustrates the ideas of my + mother and the character of the training she gave her children. Our + neighbors, the Cabots, were one day giving a great garden party, and my + sister was helping to pick strawberries for the occasion. When I was going + home from school I passed the berry-patches and stopped to speak to my + sister, who at once presented me with two strawberries. She said Mrs. + Cabot had told her to eat all she wanted, but that she would eat two less + than she wanted and give those two to me. To my mind, the suggestion was + generous and proper; in my life strawberries were rare. I ate one berry, + and then, overcome by an ambition to be generous also, took the other + berry home to my mother, telling her how I had got it. To my chagrin, + mother was deeply shocked. She told me that the transaction was all wrong, + and she made me take back the berry and explain the matter to Mrs. Cabot. + By the time I reached that generous lady the berry was the worse for its + journey, and so was I. I was only nine years old and very sensitive. It + was clear to me that I could hardly live through the humiliation of the + confession, and it was indeed a bitter experience the worst, I think, in + my young life, though Mrs. Cabot was both sympathetic and understanding. + She kissed me, and sent a quart of strawberries to my mother; but for a + long time afterward I could not meet her kind eyes, for I believed that in + her heart she thought me a thief. + </p> + <p> + My second friendship, and one which had a strong influence on my + after-life, was formed in Lawrence. I was not more than ten years old when + I met this new friend, but the memory of her in after-years, and the + impression she had made on my susceptible young mind, led me first into + the ministry, next into medicine, and finally into suffrage-work. Living + next door to us, on Prospect Hill, was a beautiful and mysterious woman. + All we children knew of her was that she was a vivid and romantic figure, + who seemed to have no friends and of whom our elders spoke in whispers or + not at all. To me she was a princess in a fairy-tale, for she rode a white + horse and wore a blue velvet riding-habit with a blue velvet hat and a + picturesquely drooping white plume. I soon learned at what hours she went + forth to ride, and I used to hover around our gate for the joy of seeing + her mount and gallop away. I realized that there was something unusual + about her house, and I had an idea that the prince was waiting for her + somewhere in the far distance, and that for the time at least she had + escaped the ogre in the castle she left behind. I was wrong about the + prince, but right about the ogre. It was only when my unhappy lady left + her castle that she was free. + </p> + <p> + Very soon she noticed me. Possibly she saw the adoration in my childish + eyes. She began to nod and smile at me, and then to speak to me, but at + first I was almost afraid to answer her. There were stories now among the + children that the house was haunted, and that by night a ghost walked + there and in the grounds. I felt an extraordinary interest in the ghost, + and I spent hours peering through our picket fence, trying to catch a + glimpse of it; but I hesitated to be on terms of neighborly intimacy with + one who dwelt with ghosts. + </p> + <p> + One day the mysterious lady bent and kissed me. Then, straightening up, + she looked at me queerly and said: "Go and tell your mother I did that." + There was something very compelling in her manner. I knew at once that I + must tell my mother what she had done, and I ran into our house and did + so. While my mother was considering the problem the situation presented, + for she knew the character of the house next door, a note was handed in to + her—a very pathetic little note from my mysterious lady, asking my + mother to let me come and see her. Long afterward mother showed it to me. + It ended with the words: "She will see no one but me. No harm shall come + to her. Trust me." + </p> + <p> + That night my parents talked the matter over and decided to let me go. + Probably they felt that the slave next door was as much to be pitied as + the escaped-negro slaves they so often harbored in our home. I made my + visit, which was the first of many, and a strange friendship began and + developed between the woman of the town and the little girl she loved. + Some of those visits I remember as vividly as if I had made them + yesterday. There was never the slightest suggestion during any of them of + things I should not see or hear, for while I was with her my hostess + became a child again, and we played together like children. She had + wonderful toys for me, and pictures and books; but the thing I loved best + of all and played with for hours was a little stuffed hen which she told + me had been her dearest treasure when she was a child at home. She had + also a stuffed puppy, and she once mentioned that those two things alone + were left of her life as a little girl. Besides the toys and books and + pictures, she gave me ice-cream and cake, and told me fairy-tales. She had + a wonderful understanding of what a child likes. There were half a dozen + women in the house with her, but I saw none of them nor any of the men who + came. + </p> + <p> + Once, when we had become very good friends indeed and my early shyness had + departed, I found courage to ask her where the ghost was—the ghost + that haunted her house. I can still see the look in her eyes as they met + mine. She told me the ghost lived in her heart, and that she did not like + to talk about it, and that we must not speak of it again. After that I + never mentioned it, but I was more deeply interested than ever, for a + ghost that lived in a heart was a new kind of ghost to me at that time, + though I have met many of them since then. During all our intercourse my + mother never entered the house next door, nor did my mysterious lady enter + our home; but she constantly sent my mother secret gifts for the poor and + the sick of the neighborhood, and she was always the first to offer help + for those who were in trouble. Many years afterward mother told me she was + the most generous woman she had ever known, and that she had a rarely + beautiful nature. Our departure for Michigan broke up the friendship, but + I have never forgotten her; and whenever, in my later work as minister, + physician, and suffragist, I have been able to help women of the class to + which she belonged, I have mentally offered that help for credit in the + tragic ledger of her life, in which the clean and the blotted pages were + so strange a contrast. + </p> + <p> + One more incident of Lawrence I must describe before I leave that city + behind me, as we left it for ever in 1859. While we were still there a + number of Lawrence men decided to go West, and amid great public + excitement they departed in a body for Kansas, where they founded the town + of Lawrence in that state. I recall distinctly the public interest which + attended their going, and the feeling every one seemed to have that they + were passing forever out of the civilized world. Their farewells to their + friends were eternal; no one expected to see them again, and my small + brain grew dizzy as I tried to imagine a place so remote as their + destination. It was, I finally decided, at the uttermost ends of the + earth, and it seemed quite possible that the brave adventurers who reached + it might then drop off into space. Fifty years later I was talking to a + California girl who complained lightly of the monotony of a climate where + the sun shone and the flowers bloomed all the year around. "But I had a + delightful change last year," she added, with animation. "I went East for + the winter." + </p> + <p> + "To New York?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "No," corrected the California girl, easily, "to Lawrence, Kansas." + </p> + <p> + Nothing, I think, has ever made me feel quite so old as that remark. That + in my life, not yet, to me at least, a long one, I should see such an arc + described seemed actually oppressive until I realized that, after all, the + arc was merely a rainbow of time showing how gloriously realized were the + hopes of the Lawrence pioneers. + </p> + <p> + The move to Michigan meant a complete upheaval in our lives. In Lawrence + we had around us the fine flower of New England civilization. We children + went to school; our parents, though they were in very humble + circumstances, were associated with the leading spirits and the big + movements of the day. When we went to Michigan we went to the wilderness, + to the wild pioneer life of those times, and we were all old enough to + keenly feel the change. + </p> + <p> + My father was one of a number of Englishmen who took up tracts in the + northern forests of Michigan, with the old dream of establishing a colony + there. None of these men had the least practical knowledge of farming. + They were city men or followers of trades which had no connection with + farm life. They went straight into the thick timber-land, instead of going + to the rich and waiting prairies, and they crowned this initial mistake by + cutting down the splendid timber instead of letting it stand. Thus + bird's-eye maple and other beautiful woods were used as fire-wood and in + the construction of rude cabins, and the greatest asset of the pioneers + was ignored. + </p> + <p> + Father preceded us to the Michigan woods, and there, with his oldest son, + James, took up a claim. They cleared a space in the wilderness just large + enough for a log cabin, and put up the bare walls of the cabin itself. + Then father returned to Lawrence and his work, leaving James behind. A few + months later (this was in 1859), my mother, my two sisters, Eleanor and + Mary, my youngest brother, Henry, eight years of age, and I, then twelve, + went to Michigan to work on and hold down the claim while father, for + eighteen months longer, stayed on in Lawrence, sending us such remittances + as he could. His second and third sons, John and Thomas, remained in the + East with him. + </p> + <p> + Every detail of our journey through the wilderness is clear in my mind. At + that time the railroad terminated at Grand Rapids, Michigan, and we + covered the remaining distance—about one hundred miles—by + wagon, riding through a dense and often trackless forest. My brother James + met us at Grand Rapids with what, in those days, was called a + lumber-wagon, but which had a horrible resemblance to a vehicle from the + health department. My sisters and I gave it one cold look and turned from + it; we were so pained by its appearance that we refused to ride in it + through the town. Instead, we started off on foot, trying to look as if we + had no association with it, and we climbed into the unwieldy vehicle only + when the city streets were far behind us. Every available inch of space in + the wagon was filled with bedding and provisions. As yet we had no + furniture; we were to make that for ourselves when we reached our cabin; + and there was so little room for us to ride that we children walked by + turns, while James, from the beginning of the journey to its end, seven + days later, led our weary horses. + </p> + <p> + To my mother, who was never strong, the whole experience must have been a + nightmare of suffering and stoical endurance. For us children there were + compensations. The expedition took on the character of a high adventure, + in which we sometimes had shelter and sometimes failed to find it, + sometimes were fed, but often went hungry. We forded innumerable streams, + the wheels of the heavy wagon sinking so deeply into the stream-beds that + we often had to empty our load before we could get them out again. Fallen + trees lay across our paths, rivers caused long detours, while again and + again we lost our way or were turned aside by impenetrable forest tangles. + </p> + <p> + Our first day's journey covered less than eight miles, and that night we + stopped at a farm-house which was the last bit of civilization we saw. + Early the next morning we were off again, making the slow progress due to + the rough roads and our heavy load. At night we stopped at a place called + Thomas's Inn, only to be told by the woman who kept it that there was + nothing in the house to eat. Her husband, she said, had gone "outside" (to + Grand Rapids) to get some flour, and had not returned—but she added + that we could spend the night, if we chose, and enjoy shelter, if not + food. We had provisions in our wagon, so we wearily entered, after my + brother had got out some of our pork and opened a barrel of flour. With + this help the woman made some biscuits, which were so green that my poor + mother could not eat them. She had admitted to us that the one thing she + had in the house was saleratus, and she had used this ingredient with an + unsparing hand. When the meal was eaten she broke the further news that + there were no beds. + </p> + <p> + "The old woman can sleep with me," she suggested, "and the girls can sleep + on the floor. The boys will have to go to the barn." She and her bed were + not especially attractive, and mother decided to lie on the floor with us. + We had taken our bedding from the wagon, and we slept very well; but + though she was usually superior to small annoyances, I think my mother + resented being called an "old woman." She must have felt like one that + night, but she was only about forty-eight years of age. + </p> + <p> + At dawn the next morning we resumed our journey, and every day after that + we were able to cover the distance demanded by the schedule arranged + before we started. This meant that some sort of shelter usually awaited us + at night. But one day we knew there would be no houses between the place + we left in the morning and that where we were to sleep. The distance was + about twenty miles, and when twilight fell we had not made it. In the back + of the wagon my mother had a box of little pigs, and during the afternoon + these had broken loose and escaped into the woods. We had lost much time + in finding them, and we were so exhausted that when we came to a hut made + of twigs and boughs we decided to camp in it for the night, though we knew + nothing about it. My brother had unharnessed the horses, and my mother and + sister were cooking dough-god—a mixture of flour, water, and soda, + fried in a pan-when two men rode up on horseback and called my brother to + one side. Immediately after the talk which followed James harnessed his + horses again and forced us to go on, though by that time darkness had + fallen. He told mother, but did not tell us children until long afterward, + that a man had been murdered in the hut only the night before. The + murderer was still at large in the woods, and the new-comers were members + of a posse who were searching for him. My brother needed no urging to put + as many miles as he could between us and the sinister spot. + </p> + <p> + In that fashion we made our way to our new home. The last day, like the + first, we traveled only eight miles, but we spent the night in a house I + shall never forget. It was beautifully clean, and for our evening meal its + mistress brought out loaves of bread which were the largest we had ever + seen. She cut great slices of this bread for us and spread maple sugar on + them, and it seemed to us that never before had anything tasted so good. + </p> + <p> + The next morning we made the last stage of our journey, our hearts filled + with the joy of nearing our new home. We all had an idea that we were + going to a farm, and we expected some resemblance at least to the + prosperous farms we had seen in New England. My mother's mental picture + was, naturally, of an English farm. Possibly she had visions of red barns + and deep meadows, sunny skies and daisies. What we found awaiting us were + the four walls and the roof of a good-sized log-house, standing in a small + cleared strip of the wilderness, its doors and windows represented by + square holes, its floor also a thing of the future, its whole effect + achingly forlorn and desolate. It was late in the afternoon when we drove + up to the opening that was its front entrance, and I shall never forget + the look my mother turned upon the place. Without a word she crossed its + threshold, and, standing very still, looked slowly around her. Then + something within her seemed to give way, and she sank upon the ground. She + could not realize even then, I think, that this was really the place + father had prepared for us, that here he expected us to live. When she + finally took it in she buried her face in her hands, and in that way she + sat for hours without moving or speaking. For the first time in her life + she had forgotten us; and we, for our part, dared not speak to her. We + stood around her in a frightened group, talking to one another in + whispers. Our little world had crumbled under our feet. Never before had + we seen our mother give way to despair. + </p> + <p> + Night began to fall. The woods became alive with night creatures, and the + most harmless made the most noise. The owls began to hoot, and soon we + heard the wildcat, whose cry—a screech like that of a lost and + panic-stricken child—is one of the most appalling sounds of the + forest. Later the wolves added their howls to the uproar, but though + darkness came and we children whimpered around her, our mother still sat + in her strange lethargy. + </p> + <p> + At last my brother brought the horses close to the cabin and built fires + to protect them and us. He was only twenty, but he showed himself a man + during those early pioneer days. While he was picketing the horses and + building his protecting fires my mother came to herself, but her face when + she raised it was worse than her silence had been. She seemed to have died + and to have returned to us from the grave, and I am sure she felt that she + had done so. From that moment she took up again the burden of her life, a + burden she did not lay down until she passed away; but her face never lost + the deep lines those first hours of her pioneer life had cut upon it. + </p> + <p> + That night we slept on boughs spread on the earth inside the cabin walls, + and we put blankets before the holes which represented our doors and + windows, and kept our watch-fires burning. Soon the other children fell + asleep, but there was no sleep for me. I was only twelve years old, but my + mind was full of fancies. Behind our blankets, swaying in the night wind, + I thought I saw the heads and pushing shoulders of animals and heard their + padded footfalls. Later years brought familiarity with wild things, and + with worse things than they. But to-night that which I most feared was + within, not outside of, the cabin. In some way which I did not understand + the one sure refuge in our new world had been taken from us. I hardly knew + the silent woman who lay near me, tossing from side to side and staring + into the darkness; I felt that we had lost our mother. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II. IN THE WILDERNESS + </h2> + <p> + Like most men, my dear father should never have married. Though his nature + was one of the sweetest I have ever known, and though he would at any call + give his time to or risk his life for others, in practical matters he + remained to the end of his days as irresponsible as a child. If his mind + turned to practical details at all, it was solely in their bearing toward + great developments of the future. To him an acorn was not an acorn, but a + forest of young oaks. + </p> + <p> + Thus, when he took up his claim of three hundred and sixty acres of land + in the wilderness of northern Michigan, and sent my mother and five young + children to live there alone until he could join us eighteen months later, + he gave no thought to the manner in which we were to make the struggle and + survive the hardships before us. He had furnished us with land and the + four walls of a log cabin. Some day, he reasoned, the place would be a + fine estate, which his sons would inherit and in the course of time pass + on to their sons—always an Englishman's most iridescent dream. That + for the present we were one hundred miles from a railroad, forty miles + from the nearest post-office, and half a dozen miles from any neighbors + save Indians, wolves, and wildcats; that we were wholly unlearned in the + ways of the woods as well as in the most primitive methods of farming; + that we lacked not only every comfort, but even the bare necessities of + life; and that we must begin, single-handed and untaught, a struggle for + existence in which some of the severest forces of nature would be arrayed + against us—these facts had no weight in my father's mind. Even if he + had witnessed my mother's despair on the night of our arrival in our new + home, he would not have understood it. From his viewpoint, he was doing a + man's duty. He was working steadily in Lawrence, and, incidentally, giving + much time to the Abolition cause and to other big public movements of his + day which had his interest and sympathy. He wrote to us regularly and sent + us occasional remittances, as well as a generous supply of improving + literature for our minds. It remained for us to strengthen our bodies, to + meet the conditions in which he had placed us, and to survive if we could. + </p> + <p> + We faced our situation with clear and unalarmed eyes the morning after our + arrival. The problem of food, we knew, was at least temporarily solved. We + had brought with us enough coffee, pork, and flour to last for several + weeks; and the one necessity father had put inside the cabin walls was a + great fireplace, made of mud and stones, in which our food could be + cooked. The problem of our water-supply was less simple, but my brother + James solved it for the time by showing us a creek a long distance from + the house; and for months we carried from this creek, in pails, every drop + of water we used, save that which we caught in troughs when the rain fell. + </p> + <p> + We held a family council after breakfast, and in this, though I was only + twelve, I took an eager and determined part. I loved work—it has + always been my favorite form of recreation—and my spirit rose to the + opportunities of it which smiled on us from every side. Obviously the + first thing to do was to put doors and windows into the yawning holes + father had left for them, and to lay a board flooring over the earth + inside our cabin walls, and these duties we accomplished before we had + occupied our new home a fortnight. There was a small saw-mill nine miles + from our cabin, on the spot that is now Big Rapids, and there we bought + our lumber. The labor we supplied ourselves, and though we put our hearts + into it and the results at the time seemed beautiful to our partial eyes, + I am forced to admit, in looking back upon them, that they halted this + side of perfection. We began by making three windows and two doors; then, + inspired by these achievements, we ambitiously constructed an attic and + divided the ground floor with partitions, which gave us four rooms. + </p> + <p> + The general effect was temperamental and sketchy. The boards which formed + the floor were never even nailed down; they were fine, wide planks without + a knot in them, and they looked so well that we merely fitted them + together as closely as we could and lightheartedly let them go at that. + Neither did we properly chink the house. Nothing is more comfortable than + a log cabin which has been carefully built and finished; but for some + reason—probably because there seemed always a more urgent duty + calling to us around the corner—we never plastered our house at all. + The result was that on many future winter mornings we awoke to find + ourselves chastely blanketed by snow, while the only warm spot in our + living-room was that directly in front of the fireplace, where great logs + burned all day. Even there our faces scorched while our spines slowly + congealed, until we learned to revolve before the fire like a bird upon a + spit. No doubt we would have worked more thoroughly if my brother James, + who was twenty years old and our tower of strength, had remained with us; + but when we had been in our new home only a few months he fell and was + forced to go East for an operation. He was never able to return to us, and + thus my mother, we three young girls, and my youngest brother—Harry, + who was only eight years old—made our fight alone until father came + to us, more than a year later. + </p> + <p> + Mother was practically an invalid. She had a nervous affection which made + it impossible for her to stand without the support of a chair. But she + sewed with unusual skill, and it was due to her that our clothes, + notwithstanding the strain to which we subjected them, were always in good + condition. She sewed for hours every day, and she was able to move about + the house, after a fashion, by pushing herself around on a stool which + James made for her as soon as we arrived. He also built for her a more + comfortable chair with a high back. + </p> + <p> + The division of labor planned at the first council was that mother should + do our sewing, and my older sisters, Eleanor and Mary, the housework, + which was far from taxing, for of course we lived in the simplest manner. + My brothers and I were to do the work out of doors, an arrangement that + suited me very well, though at first, owing to our lack of experience, our + activities were somewhat curtailed. It was too late in the season for + plowing or planting, even if we had possessed anything with which to plow, + and, moreover, our so-called "cleared" land was thick with sturdy + tree-stumps. Even during the second summer plowing was impossible; we + could only plant potatoes and corn, and follow the most primitive method + in doing even this. We took an ax, chopped up the sod, put the seed under + it, and let the seed grow. The seed did grow, too—in the most + gratifying and encouraging manner. Our green corn and potatoes were the + best I have ever eaten. But for the present we lacked these luxuries. + </p> + <p> + We had, however, in their place, large quantities of wild fruit—gooseberries, + raspberries, and plums—which Harry and I gathered on the banks of + our creek. Harry also became an expert fisherman. We had no hooks or + lines, but he took wires from our hoop-skirts and made snares at the ends + of poles. My part of this work was to stand on a log and frighten the fish + out of their holes by making horrible sounds, which I did with impassioned + earnestness. When the fish hurried to the surface of the water to + investigate the appalling noises they had heard, they were easily snared + by our small boy, who was very proud of his ability to contribute in this + way to the family table. + </p> + <p> + During our first winter we lived largely on cornmeal, making a little + journey of twenty miles to the nearest mill to buy it; but even at that we + were better off than our neighbors, for I remember one family in our + region who for an entire winter lived solely on coarse-grained yellow + turnips, gratefully changing their diet to leeks when these came in the + spring. + </p> + <p> + Such furniture as we had we made ourselves. In addition to my mother's two + chairs and the bunks which took the place of beds, James made a settle for + the living-room, as well as a table and several stools. At first we had + our tree-cutting done for us, but we soon became expert in this gentle + art, and I developed such skill that in later years, after father came, I + used to stand with him and "heart" a log. + </p> + <p> + On every side, and at every hour of the day, we came up against the + relentless limitations of pioneer life. There was not a team of horses in + our entire region. The team with which my brother had driven us through + the wilderness had been hired at Grand Rapids for that occasion, and, of + course, immediately returned. Our lumber was delivered by ox-teams, and + the absolutely essential purchases we made "outside" (at the nearest + shops, forty miles away) were carried through the forest on the backs of + men. Our mail was delivered once a month by a carrier who made the journey + in alternate stages of horseback riding and canoeing. But we had health, + youth, enthusiasm, good appetites, and the wherewithal to satisfy them, + and at night in our primitive bunks we sank into abysses of dreamless + slumber such as I have never known since. Indeed, looking back upon them, + those first months seem to have been a long-drawn-out and glorious picnic, + interrupted only by occasional hours of pain or panic, when we were hurt + or frightened. + </p> + <p> + Naturally, our two greatest menaces were wild animals and Indians, but as + the days passed the first of these lost the early terrors with which we + had associated them. We grew indifferent to the sounds that had made our + first night a horror to us all—there was even a certain homeliness + in them—while we regarded with accustomed, almost blase eyes the + various furred creatures of which we caught distant glimpses as they slunk + through the forest. Their experience with other settlers had taught them + caution; it soon became clear that they were as eager to avoid us as we + were to shun them, and by common consent we gave each other ample + elbow-room. But the Indians were all around us, and every settler had a + collection of hair-raising tales to tell of them. It was generally agreed + that they were dangerous only when they were drunk; but as they were drunk + whenever they could get whisky, and as whisky was constantly given them in + exchange for pelts and game, there was a harrowing doubt in our minds + whenever they approached us. + </p> + <p> + In my first encounter with them I was alone in the woods at sunset with my + small brother Harry. We were hunting a cow James had bought, and our young + eyes were peering eagerly among the trees, on the alert for any moving + object. Suddenly, at a little distance, and coming directly toward us, we + saw a party of Indians. There were five of them, all men, walking in + single file, as noiselessly as ghosts, their moccasined feet causing not + even a rustle among the dry leaves that carpeted the woods. All the + horrible stories we had heard of Indian cruelty flashed into our minds, + and for a moment we were dumb with terror. Then I remembered having been + told that the one thing one must not do before them is to show fear. Harry + was carrying a rope with which we had expected to lead home our reluctant + cow, and I seized one end of it and whispered to him that we would "play + horse," pretending he was driving me. We pranced toward the Indians on + feet that felt like lead, and with eyes so glazed by terror that we could + see nothing save a line of moving figures; but as we passed them they did + not give to our little impersonation of care-free children even the + tribute of a side-glance. They were, we realized, headed straight for our + home; and after a few moments we doubled on our tracks and, keeping at a + safe distance from them among the trees, ran back to warn our mother that + they were coming. + </p> + <p> + As it happened, James was away, and mother had to meet her unwelcome + guests supported only by her young children. She at once prepared a meal, + however, and when they arrived she welcomed them calmly and gave them the + best she had. After they had eaten they began to point at and demand + objects they fancied in the room—my brother's pipe, some tobacco, a + bowl, and such trifles—and my mother, who was afraid to annoy them + by refusal, gave them what they asked. They were quite sober, and though + they left without expressing any appreciation of her hospitality, they + made her a second visit a few months later, bringing a large quantity of + venison and a bag of cranberries as a graceful return. These Indians were + Ottawas; and later we became very friendly with them and their tribe, even + to the degree of attending one of their dances, which I shall describe + later. + </p> + <p> + Our second encounter with Indians was a less agreeable experience. There + were seven "Marquette warriors" in the next group of callers, and they + were all intoxicated. Moreover, they had brought with them several jugs of + bad whisky—the raw and craze-provoking product supplied them by the + fur-dealers—and it was clear that our cabin was to be the scene of + an orgy. Fortunately, my brother James was at home on this occasion, and + as the evening grew old and the Indians, grouped together around the fire, + became more and more irresponsible, he devised a plan for our safety. Our + attic was finished, and its sole entrance was by a ladder through a + trap-door. At James's whispered command my sister Eleanor slipped up into + the attic, and from the back window let down a rope, to which he tied all + the weapons we had—his gun and several axes. These Eleanor drew up + and concealed in one of the bunks. My brother then directed that as + quietly as possible, and at long intervals, one member of the family after + another was to slip up the ladder and into the attic, going quite + casually, that the Indians might not realize what we were doing. Once + there, with the ladder drawn up after us and the trap-door closed, we + would be reasonably safe, unless our guests decided to burn the cabin. + </p> + <p> + The evening seemed endless, and was certainly nerve-racking. The Indians + ate everything in the house, and from my seat in a dim corner I watched + them while my sisters waited on them. I can still see the tableau they + made in the firelit room and hear the unfamiliar accents of their speech + as they talked together. Occasionally one of them would pull a hair from + his head, seize his scalping-knife; and cut the hair with it—a most + unpleasant sight! When either of my sisters approached them some of the + Indians would make gestures, as if capturing and scalping her. Through it + all, however, the whisky held their close attention, and it was due to + this that we succeeded in reaching the attic unobserved, James coming last + of all and drawing the ladder after him. Mother and the children were then + put to bed; but through that interminable night James and Eleanor lay flat + upon the floor, watching through the cracks between the boards the revels + of the drunken Indians, which grew wilder with every hour that crawled + toward sunrise. There was no knowing when they would miss us or how soon + their mood might change. At any moment they might make an attack upon us + or set fire to the cabin. By dawn, however, their whisky was all gone, and + they were in so deep a stupor that, one after the other, the seven fell + from their chairs to the floor, where they sprawled unconscious. When they + awoke they left quietly and without trouble of any kind. They seemed a + strangely subdued and chastened band; probably they were wretchedly ill + after their debauch on the adulterated whisky the traders had given them. + </p> + <p> + That autumn the Ottawa tribe had a great corn celebration, to which we and + the other settlers were invited. James and my older sisters attended it, + and I went with them, by my own urgent invitation. It seemed to me that as + I was sharing the work and the perils of our new environment, I might as + well share its joys; and I finally succeeded in making my family see the + logic of this position. The central feature of the festivity was a huge + kettle, many feet in circumference, into which the Indians dropped the + most extraordinary variety of food we had ever seen combined. Deer heads + went into it whole, as well as every kind of meat and vegetable the + members of the tribe could procure. We all ate some of this agreeable + mixture, and later, with one another, and even with the Indians, we danced + gaily to the music of a tom-tom and a drum. The affair was extremely + interesting until the whisky entered and did its unpleasant work. When our + hosts began to fall over in the dance and slumber where they lay, and when + the squaws began to show the same ill effects of their refreshments, we + unostentatiously slipped away. + </p> + <p> + During the winter life offered us few diversions and many hardships. Our + creek froze over, and the water problem became a serious one, which we met + with increasing difficulty as the temperature steadily fell. We melted + snow and ice, and existed through the frozen months, but with an amount of + discomfort which made us unwilling to repeat at least that special phase + of our experience. In the spring, therefore, I made a well. Long before + this, James had gone, and Harry and I were now the only outdoor members of + our working-force. Harry was still too small to help with the well; but a + young man, who had formed the neighborly habit of riding eighteen miles to + call on us, gave me much friendly aid. We located the well with a switch, + and when we had dug as far as we could reach with our spades, my assistant + descended into the hole and threw the earth up to the edge, from which I + in turn removed it. As the well grew deeper we made a half-way shelf, on + which I stood, he throwing the earth on the shelf, and I shoveling it up + from that point. Later, as he descended still farther into the hole we + were making, he shoveled the earth into buckets and passed them up to me, + I passing them on to my sister, who was now pressed into service. When the + excavation was deep enough we made the wall of slabs of wood, roughly + joined together. I recall that well with calm content. It was not a thing + of beauty, but it was a thoroughly practical well, and it remained the + only one we had during the twelve years the family occupied the cabin. + </p> + <p> + During our first year there was no school within ten miles of us, but this + lack failed to sadden Harry or me. We had brought with us from Lawrence a + box of books, in which, in winter months, when our outdoor work was + restricted, we found much comfort. They were the only books in that part + of the country, and we read them until we knew them all by heart. + Moreover, father sent us regularly the New York Independent, and with this + admirable literature, after reading it, we papered our walls. Thus, on + stormy days, we could lie on the settle or the floor and read the + Independent over again with increased interest and pleasure. + </p> + <p> + Occasionally father sent us the Ledger, but here mother drew a definite + line. She had a special dislike for that periodical, and her severest + comment on any woman was that she was the type who would "keep a dog, make + saleratus biscuit, and read the New York Ledger in the daytime." Our + modest library also contained several histories of Greece and Rome, which + must have been good ones, for years later, when I entered college, I + passed my examination in ancient history with no other preparation than + this reading. There were also a few arithmetics and algebras, a historical + novel or two, and the inevitable copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, whose pages I + had freely moistened with my tears. + </p> + <p> + When the advantages of public education were finally extended to me, at + thirteen, by the opening of a school three miles from our home, I accepted + them with growing reluctance. The teacher was a spinster forty-four years + of age and the only genuine "old maid" I have ever met who was not a + married woman or a man. She was the real thing, and her name, Prudence + Duncan, seemed the fitting label for her rigidly uncompromising + personality. I graced Prudence's school for three months, and then left it + at her fervid request. I had walked six miles a day through trackless + woods and Western blizzards to get what she could give me, but she had + little to offer my awakened and critical mind. My reading and my Lawrence + school-work had already taught me more than Prudence knew—a fact we + both inwardry—admitted and fiercely resented from our different + viewpoints. Beyond doubt I was a pert and trying young person. I lost no + opportunity to lead Prudence beyond her intellectual depth and leave her + there, and Prudence vented her chagrin not alone upon me, but upon my + little brother. I became a thorn in her side, and one day, after an + especially unpleasant episode in which Harry also figured, she plucked me + out, as it were, and cast me for ever from her. From that time I studied + at home, where I was a much more valuable economic factor than I had been + in school. + </p> + <p> + The second spring after our arrival Harry and I extended our operations by + tapping the sugar-bushes, collecting all the sap, and carrying it home in + pails slung from our yoke-laden shoulders. Together we made one hundred + and fifty pounds of sugar and a barrel of syrup, but here again, as + always, we worked in primitive ways. To get the sap we chopped a gash in + the tree and drove in a spile. Then we dug out a trough to catch the sap. + It was no light task to lift these troughs full of sap and empty the sap + into buckets, but we did it successfully, and afterward built fires and + boiled it down. By this time we had also cleared some of our ground, and + during the spring we were able to plow, dividing the work in a way that + seemed fair to us both. These were strenuous occupations for a boy of nine + and a girl of thirteen, but, though we were not inordinately good + children, we never complained; we found them very satisfactory substitutes + for more normal bucolic joys. Inevitably, we had our little tragedies. Our + cow died, and for an entire winter we went without milk. Our coffee soon + gave out, and as a substitute we made and used a mixture of browned peas + and burnt rye. In the winter we were always cold, and the water problem, + until we had built our well, was ever with us. + </p> + <p> + Father joined us at the end of eighteen months, but though his presence + gave us pleasure and moral support, he was not an addition to our + executive staff. He brought with him a rocking-chair for mother and a new + supply of books, on which I fell as a starving man falls upon food. Father + read as eagerly as I, but much more steadily. His mind was always busy + with problems, and if, while he was laboring in the field, a new problem + presented itself to him, the imperishable curiosity that was in him made + him scurry at once to the house to solve it. I have known him to spend a + planting season in figuring on the production of a certain number of + kernels of corn, instead of planting the corn and raising it. In the + winter he was supposed to spend his time clearing land for orchards and + the like, but instead he pored over his books and problems day after day + and often half the night as well. It soon became known among our + neighbors, who were rapidly increasing in number, that we had books and + that father like to read aloud, and men walked ten miles or more to spend + the night with us and listen to his reading. Often, as his fame grew, ten + or twelve men would arrive at our cabin on Saturday and remain over + Sunday. When my mother once tried to check this influx of guests by mildly + pointing out, among other things, the waste of candles represented by + frequent all-night readings, every man humbly appeared again on the + following Saturday with a candle in each hand. They were not sensitive; + and, as they had brought their candles, it seemed fitting to them and to + father that we girls should cook for them and supply them with food. + </p> + <p> + Father's tolerance of idleness in others, however, did not extend to + tolerance of idleness in us, and this led to my first rebellion, which + occurred when I was fourteen. For once, I had been in the woods all day, + buried in my books; and when I returned at night, still in the dream world + these books had opened to me, father was awaiting my coming with a brow + dark with disapproval. As it happened, mother had felt that day some + special need of me, and father reproached me bitterly for being beyond + reach—an idler who wasted time while mother labored. He ended a long + arraignment by predicting gloomily that with such tendencies I would make + nothing of my life. + </p> + <p> + The injustice of the criticism cut deep; I knew I had done and was doing + my share for the family, and already, too, I had begun to feel the call of + my career. For some reason I wanted to preach—to talk to people, to + tell them things. Just why, just what, I did not yet know—but I had + begun to preach in the silent woods, to stand up on stumps and address the + unresponsive trees, to feel the stir of aspiration within me. + </p> + <p> + When my father had finished all he wished to say, I looked at him and + answered, quietly, "Father, some day I am going to college." + </p> + <p> + I can still see his slight, ironical smile. It drove me to a second + prediction. I was young enough to measure success by material results, so + I added, recklessly: + </p> + <p> + "And before I die I shall be worth ten thousand dollars!" + </p> + <p> + The amount staggered me even as it dropped from my lips. It was the + largest fortune my imagination could conceive, and in my heart I believed + that no woman ever had possessed or would possess so much. So far as I + knew, too, no woman had gone to college. But now that I had put my secret + hopes into words, I was desperately determined to make those hopes come + true. After I became a wage-earner I lost my desire to make a fortune, but + the college dream grew with the years; and though my college career seemed + as remote as the most distant star, I hitched my little wagon to that star + and never afterward wholly lost sight of its friendly gleam. + </p> + <p> + When I was fifteen years old I was offered a situation as school-teacher. + By this time the community was growing around us with the rapidity + characteristic of these Western settlements, and we had nearer neighbors + whose children needed instruction. I passed an examination before a + schoolboard consisting of three nervous and self-conscious men whose + certificate I still hold, and I at once began my professional career on + the modest salary of two dollars a week and my board. The school was four + miles from my home, so I "boarded round" with the families of my pupils, + staying two weeks in each place, and often walking from three to six miles + a day to and from my little log school-house in every kind of weather. + During the first year I had about fourteen pupils, of varying ages, sizes, + and temperaments, and there was hardly a book in the school-room except + those I owned. One little girl, I remember, read from an almanac, while a + second used a hymn-book. + </p> + <p> + In winter the school-house was heated by a woodstove, to which the teacher + had to give close personal attention. I could not depend on my pupils to + make the fires or carry in the fuel; and it was often necessary to fetch + the wood myself, sometimes for long distances through the forest. Again + and again, after miles of walking through winter storms, I reached the + school-house with my clothing wet through, and in these soaked garments I + taught during the day. In "boarding round" I often found myself in + one-room cabins, with bunks at the end and the sole partition a sheet or a + blanket, behind which I slept with one or two of the children. It was the + custom on these occasions for the man of the house to delicately retire to + the barn while we women got to bed, and to disappear again in the morning + while we dressed. In some places the meals were so badly cooked that I + could not eat them, and often the only food my poor little pupils brought + to school for their noonday meal was a piece of bread or a bit of raw + pork. + </p> + <p> + I earned my two dollars a week that year, but I had to wait for my wages + until the dog tax was collected in the spring. When the money was thus + raised, and the twenty-six dollars for my thirteen weeks of teaching were + graciously put into my hands, I went "outside" to the nearest shop and + joyously spent almost the entire amount for my first "party dress." The + gown I bought was, I considered, a beautiful creation. In color it was a + rich magenta, and the skirt was elaborately braided with black cable-cord. + My admiration for it was justified, for it did all a young girl's eager + heart could ask of any gown—it led to my first proposal. + </p> + <p> + The youth who sought my hand was about twenty years old, and by an unhappy + chance he was also the least attractive young person in the countryside—the + laughing-stock of the neighbors, the butt of his associates. The night he + came to offer me his heart there were already two young men at our home + calling on my sisters, and we were all sitting around the fire in the + living-room when my suitor appeared. His costume, like himself, left much + to be desired. He wore a blue flannel shirt and a pair of trousers made of + flour-bags. Such trousers were not uncommon in our region, and the boy's + mother, who had made them for him, had thoughtfully selected a nice clean + pair of sacks. But on one leg was the name of the firm that made the flour—A. + and G. W. Green—and by a charming coincidence A. and G. W. Green + happened to be the two young men who were calling on my sisters! On the + back of the bags, directly in the rear of the wearer, was the simple + legend, "96 pounds"; and the striking effect of the young man's costume + was completed by a bright yellow sash which held his trousers in place. + </p> + <p> + The vision fascinated my sisters and their two guests. They gave it their + entire attention, and when the new-comer signified with an eloquent + gesture that he was calling on me, and beckoned me into an inner room, the + quartet arose as one person and followed us to the door. Then, as we + inhospitably closed the door, they fastened their eyes to the cracks in + the living-room wall, that they might miss none of the entertainment. When + we were alone my guest and I sat down in facing chairs and in depressed + silence. The young man was nervous, and I was both frightened and annoyed. + I had heard suppressed giggles on the other side of the wall, and I + realized, as my self-centered visitor failed to do, that we were not + enjoying the privacy the situation seemed to demand. At last the youth + informed me that his "dad" had just given him a cabin, a yoke of steers, a + cow, and some hens. When this announcement had produced its full effect, + he straightened up in his chair and asked, solemnly, "Will ye have me?" + </p> + <p> + An outburst of chortles from the other side of the wall greeted the + proposal, but the ardent youth ignored it, if indeed he heard it. With + eyes staring straight ahead, he sat rigid, waiting for my answer; and I, + anxious only to get rid of him and to end the strain of the moment, said + the first thing that came into my head. "I can't," I told him. "I'm sorry, + but—but—I'm engaged." + </p> + <p> + He rose quickly, with the effect of a half-closed jack-knife that is + suddenly opened, and for an instant stood looking down upon me. He was six + feet two inches tall, and extremely thin. I am very short, and, as I + looked up, his flour-bag trousers seemed to join his yellow sash somewhere + near the ceiling of the room. He put both hands into his pockets and + slowly delivered his valedictory. "That's darned disappointing to a + fellow," he said, and left the house. After a moment devoted to regaining + my maidenly composure I returned to the living-room, where I had the + privilege of observing the enjoyment of my sisters and their visitors. + Helpless with mirth and with tears of pleasure on their cheeks, the four + rocked and shrieked as they recalled the picture my gallant had presented. + For some time after that incident I felt a strong distaste for sentiment. + </p> + <p> + Clad royally in the new gown, I attended my first ball in November, going + with a party of eight that included my two sisters, another girl, and four + young men. The ball was at Big Rapids, which by this time had grown to be + a thriving lumber town. It was impossible to get a team of horses or even + a yoke of oxen for the journey, so we made a raft and went down the river + on that, taking our party dresses with us in trunks. Unfortunately, the + raft "hung up" in the stream, and the four young men had to get out into + the icy water and work a long time before they could detach it from the + rocks. Naturally, they were soaked and chilled through, but they all bore + the experience with a gay philosophy. + </p> + <p> + When we reached Big Rapids we dressed for the ball, and, as in those days + it was customary to change one's gown again at midnight, I had an + opportunity to burst on the assemblage in two costumes—the second + made of bedroom chintz, with a low neck and short sleeves. We danced the + "money musk," and the "Virginia reel," "hoeing her down" (which means + changing partners) in true pioneer style. I never missed a dance at this + or any subsequent affair, and I was considered the gayest and the most + tireless young person at our parties until I became a Methodist minister + and dropped such worldly vanities. The first time I preached in my home + region all my former partners came to hear me, and listened with wide, + understanding, reminiscent smiles which made it very hard for me to keep + soberly to my text. + </p> + <p> + In the near future I had reason to regret the extravagant expenditure of + my first earnings. For my second year of teaching, in the same school, I + was to receive five dollars a week and to pay my own board. I selected a + place two miles and a half from the school-house, and was promptly asked + by my host to pay my board in advance. This, he explained, was due to no + lack of faith in me; the money would enable him to go "outside" to work, + leaving his family well supplied with provisions. I allowed him to go to + the school committee and collect my board in advance, at the rate of three + dollars a week for the season. When I presented myself at my new + boarding-place, however, two days later, I found the house nailed up and + deserted; the man and his family had departed with my money, and I was + left, as my committeemen sympathetically remarked, "high and dry." There + were only two dollars a week coming to me after that, so I walked back and + forth between my home and my school, almost four miles, twice a day; and + during this enforced exercise there was ample opportunity to reflect on + the fleeting joy of riches. + </p> + <p> + In the mean time war had been declared. When the news came that Fort + Sumter had been fired on, and that Lincoln had called for troops, our men + were threshing. There was only one threshing-machine in the region at that + time, and it went from place to place, the farmers doing their threshing + whenever they could get the machine. I remember seeing a man ride up on + horseback, shouting out Lincoln's demand for troops and explaining that a + regiment was being formed at Big Rapids. Before he had finished speaking + the men on the machine had leaped to the ground and rushed off to enlist, + my brother Jack, who had recently joined us, among them. In ten minutes + not one man was left in the field. A few months later my brother Tom + enlisted as a bugler—he was a mere boy at the time—and not + long after that my father followed the example of his sons and served + until the war was ended. He had entered on the twenty-ninth of August, + 1862, as an army steward; he came back to us with the rank of lieutenant + and assistant surgeon of field and staff. + </p> + <p> + Between those years I was the principal support of our family, and life + became a strenuous and tragic affair. For months at a time we had no news + from the front. The work in our community, if it was done at all, was done + by despairing women whose hearts were with their men. When care had become + our constant guest, Death entered our home as well. My sister Eleanor had + married, and died in childbirth, leaving her baby to me; and the blackest + hours of those black years were the hours that saw her passing. I can see + her still, lying in a stupor from which she roused herself at intervals to + ask about her child. She insisted that our brother Tom should name the + baby, but Tom was fighting for his country, unless he had already preceded + Eleanor through the wide portal that was opening before her. I could only + tell her that I had written to him; but before the assurance was an hour + old she would climb up from the gulf of unconsciousness with infinite + effort to ask if we had received his reply. At last, to calm her, I told + her it had come, and that Tom had chosen for her little son the name of + Arthur. She smiled at this and drew a deep breath; then, still smiling, + she passed away. Her baby slipped into her vacant place and almost filled + our heavy hearts, but only for a short time; for within a few months after + his mother's death his father married again and took him from me, and it + seemed that with his going we had lost all that made life worth while. + </p> + <p> + The problem of living grew harder with everyday. We eked out our little + income in every way we could, taking as boarders the workers in the + logging-camps, making quilts, which we sold, and losing no chance to earn + a penny in any legitimate manner. Again my mother did such outside sewing + as she could secure, yet with every month of our effort the gulf between + our income and our expenses grew wider, and the price of the bare + necessities of exisence{sic} climbed up and up. The largest amount I could + earn at teaching was six dollars a week, and our school year included only + two terms of thirteen weeks each. It was an incessant struggle to keep our + land, to pay our taxes, and to live. Calico was selling at fifty cents a + yard. Coffee was one dollar a pound. There were no men left to grind our + corn, to get in our crops, or to care for our live stock; and all around + us we saw our struggle reflected in the lives of our neighbors. + </p> + <p> + At long intervals word came to us of battles in which my father's regiment—the + Tenth Michigan Cavalry Volunteers—or those of my brothers were + engaged, and then longer intervals followed in which we heard no news. + After Eleanor's death my brother Tom was wounded, and for months we lived + in terror of worse tidings, but he finally recovered. I was walking seven + and eight miles a day, and doing extra work before and after school hours, + and my health began to fail. Those were years I do not like to look back + upon—years in which life had degenerated into a treadmill whose + monotony was broken only by the grim messages from the front. My sister + Mary married and went to Big Rapids to live. I had no time to dream my + dream, but the star of my one purpose still glowed in my dark horizon. It + seemed that nothing short of a miracle could lift my feet from their + plodding way and set them on the wider path toward which my eyes were + turned, but I never lost faith that in some manner the miracle would come + to pass. As certainly as I have ever known anything, I KNEW that I was + going to college! + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + </h2> + <p> + The end of the Civil War brought freedom to me, too. When peace was + declared my father and brothers returned to the claim in the wilderness + which we women of the family had labored so desperately to hold while they + were gone. To us, as to others, the final years of the war had brought + many changes. My sister Eleanor's place was empty. Mary, as I have said, + had married and gone to live in Big Rapids, and my mother and I were alone + with my brother Harry, now a boy of fourteen. After the return of our men + it was no longer necessary to devote every penny of my earnings to the + maintenance of our home. For the first time I could begin to save a + portion of my income toward the fulfilment of my college dream, but even + yet there was a long, arid stretch ahead of me before the college doors + came even distantly into sight. + </p> + <p> + The largest salary I could earn by teaching in our Northern woods was one + hundred and fifty-six dollars a year, for two terms of thirteen weeks + each; and from this, of course, I had to deduct the cost of my board and + clothing—the sole expenditure I allowed myself. The dollars for an + education accumulated very, very slowly, until at last, in desperation, + weary of seeing the years of my youth rush past, bearing my hopes with + them, I took a sudden and radical step. I gave up teaching, left our cabin + in the woods, and went to Big Rapids to live with my sister Mary, who had + married a successful man and who generously offered me a home. There, I + had decided, I would learn a trade of some kind, of any kind; it did not + greatly matter what it was. The sole essential was that it should be a + money-making trade, offering wages which would make it possible to add + more rapidly to my savings. In those days, almost fifty years ago, and in + a small pioneer town, the fields open to women were few and unfruitful. + The needle at once presented itself, but at first I turned with loathing + from it. I would have preferred the digging of ditches or the shoveling of + coal; but the needle alone persistently pointed out my way, and I was + finally forced to take it. + </p> + <p> + Fate, however, as if weary at last of seeing me between her paws, suddenly + let me escape. Before I had been working a month at my uncongenial trade + Big Rapids was favored by a visit from a Universalist woman minister, the + Reverend Marianna Thompson, who came there to preach. Her sermon was + delivered on Sunday morning, and I was, I think, almost the earliest + arrival of the great congregation which filled the church. It was a + wonderful moment when I saw my first woman minister enter her pulpit; and + as I listened to her sermon, thrilled to the soul, all my early + aspirations to become a minister myself stirred in me with cumulative + force. After the services I hung for a time on the fringe of the group + that surrounded her, and at last, when she was alone and about to leave, I + found courage to introduce myself and pour forth the tale of my ambition. + Her advice was as prompt as if she had studied my problem for years. + </p> + <p> + "My child," she said, "give up your foolish idea of learning a trade, and + go to school. You can't do anything until you have an education. Get it, + and get it NOW." + </p> + <p> + Her suggestion was much to my liking, and I paid her the compliment of + acting on it promptly, for the next morning I entered the Big Rapids High + School, which was also a preparatory school for college. There I would + study, I determined, as long as my money held out, and with the optimism + of youth I succeeded in confining my imagination to this side of that + crisis. My home, thanks to Mary, was assured; the wardrobe I had brought + from the woods covered me sufficiently; to one who had walked five and six + miles a day for years, walking to school held no discomfort; and as for + pleasure, I found it, like a heroine of fiction, in my studies. For the + first time life was smiling at me, and with all my young heart I smiled + back. + </p> + <p> + The preceptress of the high school was Lucy Foot, a college graduate and a + remarkable woman. I had heard much of her sympathy and understanding; and + on the evening following my first day in school I went to her and repeated + the confidences I had reposed in the Reverend Marianna Thompson. My trust + in her was justified. She took an immediate interest in me, and proved it + at once by putting me into the speaking and debating classes, where I was + given every opportunity to hold forth to helpless classmates when the + spirit of eloquence moved me. + </p> + <p> + As an aid to public speaking I was taught to "elocute," and I remember in + every mournful detail the occasion on which I gave my first recitation. We + were having our monthly "public exhibition night," and the audience + included not only my classmates, but their parents and friends as well. + The selection I intended to recite was a poem entitled "No Sects in + Heaven," but when I faced my audience I was so appalled by its size and by + the sudden realization of my own temerity that I fainted during the + delivery of the first verse. Sympathetic classmates carried me into an + anteroom and revived me, after which they naturally assumed that the + entertainment I furnished was over for the evening. I, however, felt that + if I let that failure stand against me I could never afterward speak in + public; and within ten minutes, notwithstanding the protests of my + friends, I was back in the hall and beginning my recitation a second time. + The audience gave me its eager attention. Possibly it hoped to see me + topple off the platform again, but nothing of the sort occurred. I went + through the recitation with self-possession and received some friendly + applause at the end. Strangely enough, those first sensations of "stage + fright" have been experienced, in a lesser degree, in connection with each + of the thousands of public speeches I have made since that time. I have + never again gone so far as to faint in the presence of an audience; but I + have invariably walked out on the platform feeling the sinking sensation + at the pit of the stomach, the weakness of the knees, that I felt in the + hour of my debut. Now, however, the nervousness passes after a moment or + two. + </p> + <p> + From that night Miss Foot lost no opportunity of putting me into the + foreground of our school affairs. I took part in all our debates, recited + yards of poetry to any audience we could attract, and even shone mildly in + our amateur theatricals. It was probably owing to all this activity that I + attracted the interest of the presiding elder of our district—Dr. + Peck, a man of progressive ideas. There was at that time a movement on + foot to license women to preach in the Methodist Church, and Dr. Peck was + ambitious to be the first presiding elder to have a woman ordained for the + Methodist ministry. He had urged Miss Foot to be this pioneer, but her + ambitions did not turn in that direction. Though she was a very devout + Methodist, she had no wish to be the shepherd of a religious flock. She + loved her school-work, and asked nothing better than to remain in it. + Gently but persistently she directed the attention of Dr. Peck to me, and + immediately things began to happen. + </p> + <p> + Without telling me to what it might lead, Miss Foot finally arranged a + meeting at her home by inviting Dr. Peck and me to dinner. Being + unconscious of any significance in the occasion, I chatted light-heartedly + about the large issues of life and probably settled most of them to my + personal satisfaction. Dr. Peck drew me out and led me on, listened and + smiled. When the evening was over and we rose to go, he turned to me with + sudden seriousness: + </p> + <p> + "My quarterly meeting will be held at Ashton," he remarked, casually. "I + would like you to preach the quarterly sermon." + </p> + <p> + For a moment the earth seemed to slip away from my feet. I stared at him + in utter stupefaction. Then slowly I realized that, incredible as it + seemed, the man was in earnest. + </p> + <p> + "Why," I stammered, "<i>I</i> can't preach a sermon!" + </p> + <p> + Dr. Peck smiled at me. "Have you ever tried?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + I started to assure him vehemently that I never had. Then, as if Time had + thrown a picture on a screen before me, I saw myself as a little girl + preaching alone in the forest, as I had so often preached to a + congregation of listening trees. I qualified my answer. + </p> + <p> + "Never," I said, "to human beings." + </p> + <p> + Dr. Peck smiled again. "Well," he told me, "the door is open. Enter or + not, as you wish." + </p> + <p> + He left the house, but I remained to discuss his overwhelming proposition + with Miss Foot. A sudden sobering thought had come to me. + </p> + <p> + "But," I exclaimed, "I've never been converted. How can I preach to any + one?" + </p> + <p> + We both had the old-time idea of conversion, which now seems so mistaken. + We thought one had to struggle with sin and with the Lord until at last + the heart opened, doubts were dispersed, and the light poured in. Miss + Foot could only advise me to put the matter before the Lord, to wrestle + and to pray; and thereafter, for hours at a time, she worked and prayed + with me, alternately urging, pleading, instructing, and sending up + petitions in my behalf. Our last session was a dramatic one, which took up + the entire night. Long before it was over we were both worn out; but + toward morning, either from exhaustion of body or exaltation of soul, I + seemed to see the light, and it made me very happy. With all my heart I + wanted to preach, and I believed that now at last I had my call. The + following day we sent word to Dr. Peck that I would preach the sermon at + Ashton as he had asked, but we urged him to say nothing of the matter for + the present, and Miss Foot and I also kept the secret locked in our + breasts. I knew only too well what view my family and my friends would + take of such a step and of me. To them it would mean nothing short of + personal disgrace and a blotted page in the Shaw record. + </p> + <p> + I had six weeks in which to prepare my sermon, and I gave it most of my + waking hours as well as those in which I should have been asleep. I took + for my text: "And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even + so must the Son of Man be lifted up; that whosoever believeth in Him + should not perish, but have eternal life." + </p> + <p> + It was not until three days before I preached the sermon that I found + courage to confide my purpose to my sister Mary, and if I had confessed my + intention to commit a capital crime she could not have been more + disturbed. We two had always been very close, and the death of Eleanor, to + whom we were both devoted, had drawn us even nearer to each other. Now + Mary's tears and prayers wrung my heart and shook my resolution. But, + after all, she was asking me to give up my whole future, to close my ears + to my call, and I felt that I could not do it. My decision caused an + estrangement between us which lasted for years. On the day preceding the + delivery of my sermon I left for Ashton on the afternoon train; and in the + same car, but as far away from me as she could get, Mary sat alone and + wept throughout the journey. She was going to my mother, but she did not + speak to me; and I, for my part, facing both alienation from her and the + ordeal before me, found my one comfort in Lucy Foot's presence and + understanding sympathy. + </p> + <p> + There was no church in Ashton, so I preached my sermon in its one little + school-house, which was filled with a curious crowd, eager to look at and + hear the girl who was defying all conventions by getting out of the pew + and into the pulpit. There was much whispering and suppressed excitement + before I began, but when I gave out my text silence fell upon the room, + and from that moment until I had finished my hearers listened quietly. A + kerosene-lamp stood on a stand at my elbow, and as I preached I trembled + so violently that the oil shook in its glass globe; but I finished without + breaking down, and at the end Dr. Peck, who had his own reasons for + nervousness, handsomely assured me that my first sermon was better than + his maiden effort had been. It was evidently not a failure, for the next + day he invited me to follow him around in his circuit, which included + thirty-six appointments; he wished me to preach in each of the thirty-six + places, as it was desirable to let the various ministers hear and know me + before I applied for my license as a local preacher. + </p> + <p> + The sermon also had another result, less gratifying. It brought out, on + the following morning, the first notice of me ever printed in a newspaper. + This was instigated by my brother-in-law, and it was brief but pointed. It + read: + </p> + <p> + A young girl named Anna Shaw, seventeen years old, <a href="#linknote-1" + name="linknoteref-1" id="linknoteref-1"><small>1</small></a> preached at + Ashton yesterday. Her real friends deprecate the course she is pursuing. + </p> + <p> + <a name="linknote-1" id="linknote-1"> + <!-- Note --></a> + </p> + <p class="foot"> + 1 (<a href="#linknoteref-1">return</a>)<br /> [ A misstatement by the + brother-in-law. Dr. Shaw was at this time twenty-three years old.—E. + J.] + </p> + <p> + The little notice had something of the effect of a lighted match applied + to gunpowder. An explosion of public sentiment followed it, the entire + community arose in consternation, and I became a bone of contention over + which friends and strangers alike wrangled until they wore themselves out. + The members of my family, meeting in solemn council, sent for me, and I + responded. They had a proposition to make, and they lost no time in + putting it before me. If I gave up my preaching they would send me to + college and pay for my entire course. They suggested Ann Arbor, and Ann + Arbor tempted me sorely; but to descend from the pulpit I had at last + entered—the pulpit I had visualized in all my childish dreams—was + not to be considered. We had a long evening together, and it was a very + unhappy one. At the end of it I was given twenty-four hours in which to + decide whether I would choose my people and college, or my pulpit and the + arctic loneliness of a life that held no family-circle. It did not require + twenty-four hours of reflection to convince me that I must go my solitary + way. + </p> + <p> + That year I preached thirty-six times, at each of the presiding elder's + appointments; and the following spring, at the annual Methodist Conference + of our district, held at Big Rapids, my name was presented to the + assembled ministers as that of a candidate for a license to preach. There + was unusual interest in the result, and my father was among those who came + to the Conference to see the vote taken. During these Conferences a + minister voted affirmatively on a question by holding up his hand, and + negatively by failing to do so. When the question of my license came up + the majority of the ministers voted by raising both hands, and in the + pleasant excitement which followed my father slipped away. Those who saw + him told me he looked pleased; but he sent me no message showing a change + of viewpoint, and the gulf between the family and its black sheep remained + unbridged. Though the warmth of Mary's love for me had become a memory, + the warmth of her hearthstone was still offered me. I accepted it, + perforce, and we lived together like shadows of what we had been. Two + friends alone of all I had made stood by me without qualification—Miss + Foot and Clara Osborn, the latter my "chum" at Big Rapids and a dweller in + my heart to this day. + </p> + <p> + In the mean time my preaching had not interfered with my studies. I was + working day and night, but life was very difficult; for among my + schoolmates, too, there were doubts and much head-shaking over this choice + of a career. I needed the sound of friendly voices, for I was very lonely; + and suddenly, when the pressure from all sides was strongest and I was + going down physically under it, a voice was raised that I had never dared + to dream would speak for me. Mary A. Livermore came to Big Rapids, and as + she was then at the height of her career, the entire countryside poured in + to hear her. Far back in the crowded hall I sat alone and listened to her, + thrilled by the lecture and tremulous with the hope of meeting the + lecturer. When she had finished speaking I joined the throng that surged + forward from the body of the hall, and as I reached her and felt the grasp + of her friendly hand I had a sudden conviction that the meeting was an + epoch in my life. I was right. Some one in the circle around us told her + that I wanted to preach, and that I was meeting tremendous opposition. She + was interested at once. She looked at me with quickening sympathy, and + then, suddenly putting an arm around me, drew me close to her side. + </p> + <p> + "My dear," she said, quietly, "if you want to preach, go on and preach. + Don't let anybody stop you. No matter what people say, don't let them stop + you!" + </p> + <p> + For a moment I was too overcome to answer her. These were almost my first + encouraging words, and the morning stars singing together could not have + made sweeter music for my ears. Before I could recover a woman within + hearing spoke up. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Mrs. Livermore," she exclaimed, "don't say that to her! We're all + trying to stop her. Her people are wretched over the whole thing. And + don't you see how ill she is? She has one foot in the grave and the other + almost there!" + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Livermore turned upon me a long and deeply thoughtful look. "Yes," + she said at last, "I see she has. But it is better that she should die + doing the thing she wants to do than that she should die because she can't + do it." + </p> + <p> + Her words were a tonic which restored my voice. "So they think I'm going + to die!" I cried. "Well, I'm not! I'm going to live and preach!" + </p> + <p> + I have always felt since then that without the inspiration of Mrs. + Livermore's encouragement I might not have continued my fight. Her + sanction was a shield, however, from which the criticisms of the world + fell back. Fate's more friendly interest in my affairs that year was shown + by the fact that she sent Mrs. Livermore into my life before I had met + Anna Dickinson. Miss Dickinson came to us toward spring and lectured on + Joan of Arc. Never before or since have I been more deeply moved by a + speaker. When she had finished her address I made my happy way to the + front of the hall with the others who wished to meet the distinguished + guest. It was our local manager who introduced me, and he said, "This is + our Anna Shaw. She is going to be a lecturer, too." + </p> + <p> + I looked up at the brilliant Miss Dickinson with the trustfulness of youth + in my eyes. I remembered Mrs. Livermore and I thought all great women were + like her, but I was now to experience a bitter disillusionment. Miss + Dickinson barely touched the tips of my fingers as she looked + indifferently past the side of my face. "Ah," she said, icily, and turned + away. In later years I learned how impossible it is for a public speaker + to leave a gracious impression on every life that for a moment touches her + own; but I have never ceased to be thankful that I met Mrs. Livermore + before I met Miss Dickinson at the crisis in my career. + </p> + <p> + In the autumn of 1873 I entered Albion College, in Albion, Michigan. I was + twenty-five years of age, but I looked much younger—probably not + more than eighteen to the casual glance. Though I had made every effort to + save money, I had not been successful, for my expenses constantly outran + my little income, and my position as preacher made it necessary for me to + have a suitable wardrobe. When the time came to enter college I had + exactly eighteen dollars in the world, and I started for Albion with this + amount in my purse and without the slightest notion of how I was to add to + it. The money problem so pressed upon me, in fact, that when I reached my + destination at midnight and discovered that it would cost fifty cents to + ride from the station to the college, I saved that amount by walking the + entire distance on the railroad tracks, while my imagination busied itself + pleasantly with pictures of the engine that might be thundering upon me in + the rear. I had chosen Albion because Miss Foot had been educated there, + and I was encouraged by an incident that happened the morning after my + arrival. I was on the campus, walking toward the main building, when I saw + a big copper penny lying on the ground, and, on picking it up, I + discovered that it bore the year of my birth. That seemed a good omen, and + it was emphatically underlined by the finding of two exactly similar + pennies within a week. Though there have been days since then when I was + sorely tempted to spend them, I have those three pennies still, and I + confess to a certain comfort in their possession! + </p> + <p> + As I had not completed my high-school course, my first days at Albion were + spent in strenuous preparation for the entrance examinations; and one + morning, as I was crossing the campus with a History of the United States + tucked coyly under my arm, I met the president of the college, Dr. + Josclyn. He stopped for a word of greeting, during which I betrayed the + fact that I had never studied United States history. Dr. Josclyn at once + invited me into his office with, I am quite sure, the purpose of + explaining as kindly as he could that my preparation for college was + insufficient. As an opening to the subject he began to talk of history, + and we talked and talked on, while unheeded hours were born and died. We + discussed the history of the United States, the governments of the world, + the causes which led to the influence of one nation on another, the + philosophical basis of the different national movements westward, and the + like. It was the longest and by far the most interesting talk I have ever + had with a highly educated man, and during it I could actually feel my + brain expand. When I rose to go President Josclyn stopped me. + </p> + <p> + "I have something to give you," he said, and he wrote a few words on a + slip of paper and handed the slip to me. When, on reaching the dormitory, + I opened it, I found that the president had passed me in the history of + the entire college course! This, moreover, was not the only pleasant + result of our interview, for within a few weeks President and Mrs. + Josclyn, whose daughter had recently died, invited me to board with them, + and I made my home with them during my first year at Albion. + </p> + <p> + My triumph in history was followed by the swift and chastening discovery + that I was behind my associates in several other branches. Owing to my + father's early help, I was well up in mathematics, but I had much to learn + of philosophy and the languages, and to these I devoted many midnight + candles. + </p> + <p> + Naturally, I soon plunged into speaking, and my first public speech at + college was a defense of Xantippe. I have always felt that the poor lady + was greatly abused, and that Socrates deserved all he received from her, + and more. I was glad to put myself on record as her champion, and my + fellow-students must soon have felt that my admiration for Xantippe was + based on similarities of temperament, for within a few months I was + leading the first college revolt against the authority of the men + students. + </p> + <p> + Albion was a coeducational institution, and the brightest jewels in its + crown were its three literary societies—the first composed of men + alone, the second of women alone, and the third of men and women together. + Each of the societies made friendly advances to new students, and for some + time I hesitated on the brink of the new joys they offered, uncertain + which to choose. A representative of the mixed society, who was putting + its claims before me, unconsciously helped me to make up my mind. + </p> + <p> + "Women," he pompously assured me, "need to be associated with men, because + they don't know how to manage meetings." + </p> + <p> + On the instant the needle of decision swung around to the women's society + and remained there, fixed. + </p> + <p> + "If they don't," I told the pompous young man, "it's high time they + learned. I shall join the women, and we'll master the art." + </p> + <p> + I did join the women's society, and I had not been a member very long + before I discovered that when there was an advantage of any kind to be + secured the men invariably got it. While I was brooding somberly upon this + wrong an opportunity came to make a formal and effective protest against + the men's high-handed methods. The Quinquennial reunion of all the + societies was about to be held, and the special feature of this festivity + was always an oration. The simple method of selecting the orator which had + formerly prevailed had been for the young men to decide upon the speaker + and then announce his name to the women, who humbly confirmed it. On this + occasion, however, when the name came in to us, I sent a message to our + brother society to the effect that we, too, intended to make a nomination + and to send in a name. + </p> + <p> + At such unprecedented behavior the entire student body arose in + excitement, which, among the girls, was combined with equal parts of + exhilaration and awe. The men refused to consider our nominee, and as a + friendly compromise we suggested that we have a joint meeting of all the + societies and elect the speaker at this gathering; but this plan also the + men at first refused, giving in only after weeks of argument, during which + no one had time for the calmer pleasures of study. When the joint meeting + was finally held, nothing was accomplished; we girls had one more member + than the boys had, and we promptly re-elected our candidate, who was as + promptly declined by the boys. Two of our girls were engaged to two of the + boys, and it was secretly planned by our brother society that during a + second joint meeting these two men should take the girls out for a drive + and then slip back to vote, leaving the girls at some point sufficiently + remote from college. We discovered the plot, however, in time to thwart + it, and at last, when nothing but the unprecedented tie-up had been + discussed for months, the boys suddenly gave up their candidate and + nominated me for orator. + </p> + <p> + This was not at all what I wanted, and I immediately declined to serve. We + girls then nominated the young man who had been first choice of our + brother society, but he haughtily refused to accept the compliment. The + reunion was only a fortnight away, and the programme had not been printed, + so now the president took the situation in hand and peremptorily ordered + me to accept the nomination or be suspended. This was a wholly unexpected + boomerang. I had wished to make a good fight for equal rights for the + girls, and to impress the boys with the fact of our existence as a + society; but I had not desired to set the entire student body by the ears + nor to be forced to prepare and deliver an oration at the eleventh hour. + Moreover, I had no suitable gown to wear on so important an occasion. One + of my classmates, however, secretly wrote to my sister, describing my + blushing honors and explaining my need, and my family rallied to the call. + My father bought the material, and my mother and Mary paid for the making + of the gown. It was a white alpaca creation, trimmed with satin, and the + consciousness that it was extremely becoming sustained me greatly during + the mental agony of preparing and delivering my oration. To my family that + oration was the redeeming episode of my early career. For the moment it + almost made them forget my crime of preaching. + </p> + <p> + My original fund of eighteen dollars was now supplemented by the proceeds + of a series of lectures I gave on temperance. The temperance women were + not yet organized, but they had their speakers, and I was occasionally + paid five dollars to hold forth for an hour or two in the little country + school-houses of our region. As a licensed preacher I had no tuition fees + to pay at college; but my board, in the home of the president and his + wife, was costing me four dollars a week, and this was the limit of my + expenses, as I did my own laundry-work. During my first college year the + amount I paid for amusement was exactly fifty cents; that went for a + lecture. The mental strain of the whole experience was rather severe, for + I never knew how much I would be able to earn; and I was beginning to feel + the effects of this when Christmas came and brought with it a gift of + ninety-two dollars, which Miss Foot had collected among my Big Rapids + friends. That, with what I could earn, carried me through the year. + </p> + <p> + The following spring our brother James, who was now living in St. + Johnsbury, Vermont, invited my sister Mary and me to spend the summer with + him, and Mary and I finally dug a grave for our little hatchet and went + East together with something of our old-time joy in each other's society. + We reached St. Johnsbury one Saturday, and within an hour of our arrival + learned that my brother had arranged for me to preach in a local church + the following day. That threatened to spoil the visit for Mary and even to + disinter the hatchet! At first she positively refused to go to hear me, + but after a few hours of reflection she announced gloomily that if she did + not go I would not have my hair arranged properly or get my hat on + straight. Moved by this conviction, she joined the family parade to the + church, and later, in the sacristy, she pulled me about and pinned me up + to her heart's content. Then, reluctantly, she went into the church and + heard me preach. She offered no tributes after our return to the house, + but her protests ceased from that time, and we gave each other the love + and understanding which had marked our girlhood days. The change made me + very happy; for Mary was the salt of the earth, and next only to my + longing for my mother, I had longed for her in the years of our + estrangement. + </p> + <p> + Every Sunday that summer I preached in or near St. Johnsbury, and toward + autumn we had a big meeting which the ministers of all the surrounding + churches attended. I was asked to preach the sermon—a high + compliment—and I chose that important day to make a mistake in + quoting a passage from Scripture. I asked, "Can the Ethiopian change his + spots or the leopard his skin?" I realized at once that I had transposed + the words, and no doubt a look of horror dawned in my eyes; but I went on + without correcting myself and without the slightest pause. Later, one of + the ministers congratulated me on this presence of mind. + </p> + <p> + "If you had corrected yourself," he said, "all the young people would have + been giggling yet over the spotted nigger. Keep to your rule of going + right ahead!" + </p> + <p> + At the end of the summer the various churches in which I had preached gave + me a beautiful gold watch and one hundred dollars in money, and with an + exceedingly light heart I went back to college to begin my second year of + work. + </p> + <p> + From that time life was less complex. I had enough temperance-work and + preaching in the country school-houses and churches to pay my college + expenses, and, now that my financial anxieties were relieved, my health + steadily improved. Several times I preached to the Indians, and these + occasions were among the most interesting of my experiences. The squaws + invariably brought their babies with them, but they had a simple and + effective method of relieving themselves of the care of the infants as + soon as they reached the church. The papooses, who were strapped to their + boards, were hung like a garment on the back wall of the building by a + hole in the top of the board, which projected above their heads. Each + papoose usually had a bit of fat pork tied to the end of a string fastened + to its wrist, and with these sources of nourishment the infants occupied + themselves pleasantly while the sermon was in progress. Frequently the + pork slipped down the throat of the papoose, but the struggle of the child + and the jerking of its hands in the strangulation that followed pulled the + piece safely out again. As I faced the congregation I also faced the + papooses, to whom the indifferent backs of their mothers were presented; + it seemed to me there was never a time when some papoose was not choking, + but no matter how much excitement or discomfort was going on among the + babies, not one squaw turned her head to look back at them. In that + assemblage the emotions were not allowed to interrupt the calm + intellectual enjoyment of the sermon. + </p> + <p> + My most dramatic experience during this period occurred in the summer of + 1874, when I went to a Northern lumber-camp to preach in the pulpit of a + minister who was away on his honeymoon. The stage took me within + twenty-two miles of my destination, to a place called Seberwing. To my + dismay, however, when I arrived at Seberwing, Saturday evening, I found + that the rest of the journey lay through a dense woods, and that I could + reach my pulpit in time the next morning only by having some one drive me + through the woods that night. It was not a pleasant prospect, for I had + heard appalling tales of the stockades in this region and of the women who + were kept prisoners there. But to miss the engagement was not to be + thought of, and when, after I had made several vain efforts to find a + driver, a man appeared in a two-seated wagon and offered to take me to my + destination, I felt that I had to go with him, though I did not like his + appearance. He was a huge, muscular person, with a protruding jaw and a + singularly evasive eye; but I reflected that his forbidding expression + might be due, in part at least, to the prospect of the long night drive + through the woods, to which possibly he objected as much as I did. + </p> + <p> + It was already growing dark when we started, and within a few moments we + were out of the little settlement and entering the woods. With me I had a + revolver I had long since learned to use, but which I very rarely carried. + I had hesitated to bring it now—had even left home without it; and + then, impelled by some impulse I never afterward ceased to bless, had + returned for it and dropped it into my hand-bag. + </p> + <p> + I sat on the back seat of the wagon, directly behind the driver, and for a + time, as we entered the darkening woods, his great shoulders blotted out + all perspective as he drove on in stolid silence. Then, little by little, + they disappeared like a rapidly fading negative. The woods were filled + with Norway pines, hemlocks, spruce, and tamaracks-great, somber trees + that must have shut out the light even on the brightest days. To-night the + heavens held no lamps aloft to guide us, and soon the darkness folded + around us like a garment. I could see neither the driver nor his horses. I + could hear only the sibilant whisper of the trees and the creak of our + slow wheels in the rough forest road. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly the driver began to talk, and at first I was glad to hear the + reassuring human tones, for the experience had begun to seem like a bad + dream. I replied readily, and at once regretted that I had done so, for + the man's choice of topics was most unpleasant. He began to tell me + stories of the stockades—grim stories with horrible details, + repeated so fully and with such gusto that I soon realized he was + deliberately affronting my ears. I checked him and told him I could not + listen to such talk. + </p> + <p> + He replied with a series of oaths and shocking vulgarities, stopping his + horses that he might turn and fling the words into my face. He ended by + snarling that I must think him a fool to imagine he did not know the kind + of woman I was. What was I doing in that rough country, he demanded, and + why was I alone with him in those black woods at night? + </p> + <p> + Though my heart missed a beat just then, I tried to answer him calmly. + </p> + <p> + "You know perfectly well who I am," I reminded him. "And you understand + that I am making this journey to-night because I am to preach to-morrow + morning and there is no other way to keep my appointment." + </p> + <p> + He uttered a laugh which was a most unpleasant sound. + </p> + <p> + "Well," he said, coolly, "I'm damned if I'll take you. I've got you here, + and I'm going to keep you here!" + </p> + <p> + I slipped my hand into the satchel in my lap, and it touched my revolver. + No touch of human fingers ever brought such comfort. With a deep breath of + thanksgiving I drew it out and cocked it, and as I did so he recognized + the sudden click. + </p> + <p> + "Here! What have you got there?" he snapped. + </p> + <p> + "I have a revolver," I replied, as steadily as I could. "And it is cocked + and aimed straight at your back. Now drive on. If you stop again, or + speak, I'll shoot you." + </p> + <p> + For an instant or two he blustered. + </p> + <p> + "By God," he cried, "you wouldn't dare." + </p> + <p> + "Wouldn't I?" I asked. "Try me by speaking just once more." + </p> + <p> + Even as I spoke I felt my hair rise on my scalp with the horror of the + moment, which seemed worse than any nightmare a woman could experience. + But the man was conquered by the knowledge of the waiting, willing weapon + just behind him. He laid his whip savagely on the backs of his horses and + they responded with a leap that almost knocked me out of the wagon. + </p> + <p> + The rest of the night was a black terror I shall never forget. He did not + speak again, nor stop, but I dared not relax my caution for an instant. + Hour after hour crawled toward day, and still I sat in the unpierced + darkness, the revolver ready. I knew he was inwardly raging, and that at + any instant he might make a sudden jump and try to get the revolver away + from me. I decided that at his slightest movement I must shoot. But dawn + came at last, and just as its bluish light touched the dark tips of the + pines we drove up to the log hotel in the settlement that was our + destination. Here my driver spoke. + </p> + <p> + "Get down," he said, gruffly. "This is the place." + </p> + <p> + I sat still. Even yet I dared not trust him. Moreover, I was so stiff + after my vigil that I was not sure I could move. + </p> + <p> + "You get down," I directed, "and wake up the landlord. Bring him out + here." + </p> + <p> + He sullenly obeyed and aroused the hotel-owner, and when the latter + appeared I climbed out of the wagon with some effort but without + explanation. That morning I preached in my friend's pulpit as I had + promised to do, and the rough building was packed to its doors with + lumbermen who had come in from the neighboring camp. Their appearance + caused great surprise, as they had never attended a service before. They + formed a most picturesque congregation, for they all wore brilliant + lumber-camp clothing—blue or red shirts with yellow scarfs twisted + around their waists, and gay-colored jackets and logging-caps. There were + forty or fifty of them, and when we took up our collection they responded + with much liberality and cheerful shouts to one another. + </p> + <p> + "Put in fifty cents!" they yelled across the church. "Give her a dollar!" + </p> + <p> + The collection was the largest that had been taken up in the history of + the settlement, but I soon learned that it was not the spiritual comfort I + offered which had appealed to the lumber-men. My driver of the night + before, who was one of their number, had told his pals of his experience, + and the whole camp had poured into town to see the woman minister who + carried a revolver. + </p> + <p> + "Her sermon?" said one of them to my landlord, after the meeting. "Huh! I + dunno what she preached. But, say, don't make no mistake about one thing: + the little preacher has sure got grit!" + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + </h2> + <p> + When I returned to Albion College in the autumn of 1875 I brought with me + a problem which tormented me during my waking hours and chattered on my + pillow at night. Should I devote two more years of my vanishing youth to + the completion of my college course, or, instead, go at once to Boston + University, enter upon my theological studies, take my degree, and be + about my Father's business? + </p> + <p> + I was now twenty-seven years old, and I had been a licensed preacher for + three years. My reputation in the Northwest was growing, and by sermons + and lectures I could certainly earn enough to pay the expenses of the full + college course. On the other hand, Boston was a new world. There I would + be alone and practically penniless, and the opportunities for work might + be limited. Quite possibly in my final two years at Albion I could even + save enough money to make the experience in Boston less difficult, and the + clear common sense I had inherited from my mother reminded me that in this + course lay wisdom. Possibly it was some inheritance from my visionary + father which made me, at the end of three months, waive these sage + reflections, pack my few possessions, and start for Boston, where I + entered the theological school of the university in February, 1876. + </p> + <p> + It was an instance of stepping off a solid plank and into space; and + though there is exhilaration in the sensation, as I discovered then and at + later crises in life when I did the same thing, there was also an amount + of subsequent discomfort for which even my lively imagination had not + prepared me. I went through some grim months in Boston—months during + which I learned what it was to go to bed cold and hungry, to wake up cold + and hungry, and to have no knowledge of how long these conditions might + continue. But not more than once or twice during the struggle there, and + then only for an hour or two in the physical and mental depression + attending malnutrition, did I regret coming. At that period of my life I + believed that the Lord had my small personal affairs very much on His + mind. If I starved and froze it was His test of my worthiness for the + ministry, and if He had really chosen me for one of His servants, He would + see me through. The faith that sustained me then has still a place in my + life, and existence without it would be an infinitely more dreary affair + than it is. But I admit that I now call upon the Lord less often and less + imperatively than I did before the stern years taught me my unimportance + in the great scheme of things. + </p> + <p> + My class at the theological school was composed of forty-two young men and + my unworthy self, and before I had been a member of it an hour I realized + that women theologians paid heavily for the privilege of being women. The + young men of my class who were licensed preachers were given free + accommodations in the dormitory, and their board, at a club formed for + their assistance, cost each of them only one dollar and twenty-five cents + a week. For me no such kindly provision was made. I was not allowed a + place in the dormitory, but instead was given two dollars a week to pay + the rent of a room outside. Neither was I admitted to the economical + comforts of the club, but fed myself according to my income, a plan which + worked admirably when there was an income, but left an obvious void when + there was not. + </p> + <p> + With characteristic optimism, however, I hired a little attic room on + Tremont Street and established myself therein. In lieu of a window the + room offered a pale skylight to the February storms, and there was neither + heat in it nor running water; but its possession gave me a pleasant sense + of proprietorship, and the whole experience seemed a high adventure. I at + once sought opportunities to preach and lecture, but these were even rarer + than firelight and food. In Albion I had been practically the only + licensed preacher available for substitute and special work. In Boston + University's three theological classes there were a hundred men, each + snatching eagerly at the slightest possibility of employment; and when, + despite this competition, I received and responded to an invitation to + preach, I never knew whether I was to be paid for my services in cash or + in compliments. If, by a happy chance, the compensation came in cash, the + amount was rarely more than five dollars, and never more than ten. There + was no help in sight from my family, whose early opposition to my career + as a minister had hotly flamed forth again when I started East. I lived, + therefore, on milk and crackers, and for weeks at a time my hunger was + never wholly satisfied. In my home in the wilderness I had often heard the + wolves prowling around our door at night. Now, in Boston, I heard them + even at high noon. + </p> + <p> + There is a special and almost indescribable depression attending such + conditions. No one who has not experienced the combination of continued + cold, hunger, and loneliness in a great, strange, indifferent city can + realize how it undermines the victim's nerves and even tears at the moral + fiber. The self-humiliation I experienced was also intense. I had worked + my way in the Northwest; why could I not work my way in Boston? Was there, + perhaps, some lack in me and in my courage? Again and again these + questions rose in my mind and poisoned my self-confidence. The one comfort + I had in those black days was the knowledge that no one suspected the + depth of the abyss in which I dwelt. We were all struggling; to the + indifferent glance—and all glances were indifferent—my + struggle was no worse than that of my classmates whose rooms and frugal + meals were given them. + </p> + <p> + After a few months of this existence I was almost ready to believe that + the Lord's work for me lay outside of the ministry, and while this fear + was gripping me a serious crisis came in my financial affairs. The day + dawned when I had not a cent, nor any prospect of earning one. My stock of + provisions consisted of a box of biscuit, and my courage was flowing from + me like blood from an opened vein. Then came one of the quick turns of the + wheel of chance which make for optimism. Late in the afternoon I was asked + to do a week of revival work with a minister in a local church, and when I + accepted his invitation I mentally resolved to let that week decide my + fate. My shoes had burst open at the sides; for lack of car-fare I had to + walk to and from the scene of my meetings, though I had barely strength + for the effort. If my week of work brought me enough to buy a pair of + cheap shoes and feed me for a few days I would, I decided, continue my + theological course. If it did not, I would give up the fight. + </p> + <p> + Never have I worked harder or better than during those seven days, when I + put into the effort not only my heart and soul, but the last flame of my + dying vitality, We had a rousing revival—one of the good old-time + affairs when the mourners' benches were constantly filled and the air + resounded with alleluias. The excitement and our success, mildly aided by + the box of biscuit, sustained me through the week, and not until the last + night did I realize how much of me had gone into this final desperate + charge of mine. Then, the service over and the people departed, I sank, + weak and trembling, into a chair, trying to pull myself together before + hearing my fate in the good-night words of the minister I had assisted. + When he came to me and began to compliment me on the work I had done, I + could not rise. I sat still and listened with downcast eyes, afraid to + lift them lest he read in them something of my need and panic in this + moment when my whole future seemed at stake. + </p> + <p> + At first his words rolled around the empty church as if they were trying + to get away from me, but at last I began to catch them. I was, it seemed, + a most desirable helper. It had been a privilege and a pleasure to be + associated with me. Beyond doubt, I would go far in my career. He heartily + wished that he could reward me adequately. I deserved fifty dollars. + </p> + <p> + My tired heart fluttered at this. Probably my empty stomach fluttered, + too; but in the next moment something seemed to catch my throat and stop + my breath. For it appeared that, notwithstanding the enthusiasm and the + spiritual uplift of the week, the collections had been very disappointing + and the expenses unusually heavy. He could not give me fifty dollars. He + could not give me anything at all. He thanked me warmly and wished me good + night. + </p> + <p> + I managed to answer him and to get to my feet, but that journey down the + aisle from my chair to the church door was the longest journey I have ever + made. During it I felt not only the heart-sick disappointment of the + moment, but the cumulative unhappiness of the years to come. I was + friendless, penniless, and starving, but it was not of these conditions + that I thought then. The one overwhelming fact was that I had been weighed + and found wanting. I was not worthy. + </p> + <p> + I stumbled along, passing blindly a woman who stood on the street near the + church entrance. She stopped me, timidly, and held out her hand. Then + suddenly she put her arms around me and wept. She was an old lady, and I + did not know her, but it seemed fitting that she should cry just then, as + it would have seemed fitting to me if at that black moment all the people + on the earth had broken into sudden wailing. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Miss Shaw," she said, "I'm the happiest woman in the world, and I owe + my happiness to you. To-night you have converted my grandson. He's all I + have left, but he has been a wild boy, and I've prayed over him for years. + Hereafter he is going to lead a different life. He has just given me his + promise on his knees." + </p> + <p> + Her hand fumbled in her purse. + </p> + <p> + "I am a poor woman," she went on, "but I have enough, and I want to make + you a little present. I know how hard life is for you young students." + </p> + <p> + She pressed a bill into my fingers. "It's very little," she said, humbly; + "it is only five dollars." + </p> + <p> + I laughed, and in that exultant moment I seemed to hear life laughing with + me. With the passing of the bill from her hand to mine existence had + become a new experience, wonderful and beautiful. + </p> + <p> + "It's the biggest gift I have ever had," I told her. "This little bill is + big enough to carry my future on its back!" + </p> + <p> + I had a good meal that night, and I bought the shoes the next morning. + Infinitely more sustaining than the food, however, was the conviction that + the Lord was with me and had given me a sign of His approval. The + experience was the turning-point of my theological career. When the money + was gone I succeeded in obtaining more work from time to time—and + though the grind was still cruelly hard, I never again lost hope. The + theological school was on Bromfield Street, and we students climbed three + flights of stairs to reach our class-rooms. Through lack of proper food I + had become too weak to ascend these stairs without sitting down once or + twice to rest, and within a month after my experience with the + appreciative grandmother I was discovered during one of these resting + periods by Mrs. Barrett, the superintendent of the Woman's Foreign + Missionary Society, which had offices in our building. She stopped, looked + me over, and then invited me into her room, where she asked me if I felt + ill. I assured her that I did not. She asked a great many additional + questions and, little by little, under the womanly sympathy of them, my + reserve broke down and she finally got at the truth, which until that hour + I had succeeded in concealing. She let me leave without much comment, but + the next day she again invited me into her office and came directly to the + purpose of the interview. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Shaw," she said, "I have been talking to a friend of mine about you, + and she would like to make a bargain with you. She thinks you are working + too hard. She will pay you three dollars and a half a week for the rest of + this school year if you will promise to give up your preaching. She wants + you to rest, study, and take care of your health." + </p> + <p> + I asked the name of my unknown friend, but Mrs. Barrett said that was to + remain a secret. She had been given a check for seventy-eight dollars, and + from this, she explained, my allowance would be paid in weekly + instalments. I took the money very gratefully, and a few years later I + returned the amount to the Missionary Society; but I never learned the + identity of my benefactor. Her three dollars and a half a week, added to + the weekly two dollars I was allowed for room rent, at once solved the + problem of living; and now that meal-hours had a meaning in my life, my + health improved and my horizon brightened. I spent most of my evenings in + study, and my Sundays in the churches of Phillips Brooks and James Freeman + Clark, my favorite ministers. Also, I joined the university's praying-band + of students, and took part in the missionary-work among the women of the + streets. I had never forgotten my early friend in Lawrence, the beautiful + "mysterious lady" who had loved me as a child, and, in memory of her, I + set earnestly about the effort to help unfortunates of her class. I went + into the homes of these women, followed them to the streets and the + dance-halls, talked to them, prayed with them, and made friends among + them. Some of them I was able to help, but many were beyond help; and I + soon learned that the effective work in that field is the work which is + done for women before, not after, they have fallen. + </p> + <p> + During my vacation in the summer of 1876 I went to Cape Cod and earned my + expenses by substituting in local pulpits. Here, at East Dennis, I formed + the friendship which brought me at once the greatest happiness and the + deepest sorrow of that period of my life. My new friend was a widow whose + name was Persis Addy, and she was also the daughter of Captain Prince + Crowell, then the most prominent man in the Cape Cod community—a + bank president, a railroad director, and a citizen of wealth, as wealth + was rated in those days. When I returned to the theological school in the + autumn Mrs. Addy came to Boston with me, and from that time until her + death, two years later, we lived together. She was immensely interested in + my work, and the friendly part she took in it diverted her mind from the + bereavement over which she had brooded for years, while to me her coming + opened windows into a new world. I was no longer lonely; and though in my + life with her I paid my way to the extent of my small income, she gave me + my first experience of an existence in which comfort and culture, + recreation, and leisurely reading were cheerful commonplaces. For the + first time I had some one to come home to, some one to confide in, some + one to talk to, listen to, and love. We read together and went to concerts + together; and it was during this winter that I attended my first + theatrical performance. The star was Mary Anderson, in "Pygmalion and + Galatea," and play and player charmed me so utterly that I saw them every + night that week, sitting high in the gallery and enjoying to the utmost + the unfolding of this new delight. It was so glowing a pleasure that I + longed to make some return to the giver of it; but not until many years + afterward, when I met Madame Navarro in London, was I able to tell her + what the experience had been and to thank her for it. + </p> + <p> + I did not long enjoy the glimpses into my new world, for soon, and most + tragically, it was closed to me. In the spring following our first Boston + winter together Mrs. Addy and I went to Hingham, Massachusetts, where I + had been appointed temporary pastor of the Methodist Church. There Mrs. + Addy was taken ill, and as she grew steadily worse we returned to Boston + to live near the best available physicians, who for months theorized over + her malady without being able to diagnose it. At last her father, Captain + Crowell, sent to Paris for Dr. Brown-Sequard, then the most distinguished + specialist of his day, and Dr. Brown-Sequard, when he arrived and examined + his patient, discovered that she had a tumor on the brain. She had had a + great shock in her life—the tragic death of her husband at sea + during their wedding tour around the world—and it was believed that + her disease dated from that time. Nothing could be done for her, and she + failed daily during our second year together, and died in March, 1878, + just before I finished my theological course and while I was still + temporary pastor of the church at Hingham. Every moment I could take from + my parish and my studies I spent with her, and those were sorrowful + months. In her poor, tortured brain the idea formed that I, not she, was + the sick person in our family of two, and when we were at home together + she insisted that I must lie down and let her nurse me; then for hours she + brooded over me, trying to relieve the agony she believed I was + experiencing. When at last she was at peace her father and I took her home + to Cape Cod and laid her in the graveyard of the little church where we + had met at the beginning of our brief and beautiful friendship; and the + subsequent loneliness I felt was far greater than any I had ever suffered + in the past, for now I had learned the meaning of companionship. + </p> + <p> + Three months after Mrs. Addy's death I graduated. She had planned to take + me abroad, and during our first winter together we had spent countless + hours talking and dreaming of our European wanderings. When she found that + she must die she made her will and left me fifteen hundred dollars for the + visit to Europe, insisting that I must carry out the plan we had made; and + during her conscious periods she constantly talked of this and made me + promise that I would go. After her death it seemed to me that to go + without her was impossible. Everything of beauty I looked upon would hold + memories of her, keeping fresh my sorrow and emphasizing my loneliness; + but it was her last expressed desire that I should go, and I went. + </p> + <p> + First, however, I had graduated—clad in a brandnew black silk gown, + and with five dollars in my pocket, which I kept there during the + graduation exercises. I felt a special satisfaction in the possession of + that money, for, notwithstanding the handicap of being a woman, I was said + to be the only member of my class who had worked during the entire course, + graduated free from debt, and had a new outfit as well as a few dollars in + cash. + </p> + <p> + I graduated without any special honors. Possibly I might have won some if + I had made the effort, but my graduation year, as I have just explained, + had been very difficult. As it was, I was merely a good average student, + feeling my isolation as the only woman in my class, but certainly not + spurring on my men associates by the display of any brilliant gifts. + Naturally, I missed a great deal of class fellowship and class support, + and throughout my entire course I rarely entered my class-room without the + abysmal conviction that I was not really wanted there. But some of the men + were goodhumoredly cordial, and several of them are among my friends + to-day. Between myself and my family there still existed the breach I had + created when I began to preach. With the exception of Mary and James, my + people openly regarded me, during my theological course, as a dweller in + outer darkness, and even my mother's love was clouded by what she felt to + be my deliberate and persistent flouting of her wishes. + </p> + <p> + Toward the end of my university experience, however, an incident occurred + which apparently changed my mother's viewpoint. She was now living with my + sister Mary, in Big Rapids, Michigan, and, on the occasion of one of my + rare and brief visits to them I was invited to preach in the local church. + Here, for the first time, my mother heard me. Dutifully escorted by one of + my brothers, she attended church that morning in a state of shivering + nervousness. I do not know what she expected me to do or say, but toward + the end of the sermon it became clear that I had not justified her fears. + The look of intense apprehension left her eyes, her features relaxed into + placidity, and later in the day she paid me the highest compliment I had + yet received from a member of my family. + </p> + <p> + "I liked the sermon very much," she peacefully told my brother. "Anna + didn't say anything about hell, or about anything else!" + </p> + <p> + When we laughed at this handsome tribute, she hastened to qualify it. + </p> + <p> + "What I mean," she explained, "is that Anna didn't say anything + objectionable in the pulpit!" And with this recognition I was content. + </p> + <p> + Between the death of my friend and my departure for Europe I buried myself + in the work of the university and of my little church; and as if in answer + to the call of my need, Mary E. Livermore, who had given me the first + professional encouragement I had ever received, re-entered my life. Her + husband, like myself, was pastor of a church in Hingham, and whenever his + finances grew low, or there was need of a fund for some special purpose—conditions + that usually exist in a small church—his brilliant wife came to his + assistance and raised the money, while her husband retired modestly to the + background and regarded her with adoring eyes. On one of these occasions, + I remember, when she entered the pulpit to preach her sermon, she dropped + her bonnet and coat on an unoccupied chair. A little later there was need + of this chair, and Mr. Livermore, who sat under the pulpit, leaned + forward, picked up the garments, and, without the least trace of + selfconsciousness, held them in his lap throughout the sermon. One of the + members of the church, who appeared to be irritated by the incident, later + spoke of it to him and added, sardonically, "How does it feel to be merely + 'Mrs. Livermore's husband'?" + </p> + <p> + In reply Mr. Livermore flashed on him one of his charming smiles. "Why, + I'm very proud of it," he said, with the utmost cheerfulness. "You see, + I'm the only man in the world who has that distinction." + </p> + <p> + They were a charming couple, the Livermores, and they deserved far more + than they received from a world to which they gave so freely and so + richly. To me, as to others, they were more than kind; and I never recall + them without a deep feeling of gratitude and an equally deep sense of loss + in their passing. + </p> + <p> + It was during this period, also, that I met Frances E. Willard. There was + a great Moody revival in progress in Boston, and Miss Willard was the + righthand assistant of Mr. Moody. To her that revival must have been + marked with a star, for during it she met for the first time Miss Anna + Gordon, who became her life-long friend and her biographer. The meetings + also laid the foundation of our friendship, and for many years Miss + Willard and I were closely associated in work and affection. + </p> + <p> + On the second or third night of the revival, during one of the "mixed + meetings," attended by both women and men, Mr. Moody invited those who + were willing to talk to sinners to come to the front. I went down the + aisle with others, and found a seat near Miss Willard, to whom I was then + introduced by some one who knew us both. I wore my hair short in those + days, and I had a little fur cap on my head. Though I had been preaching + for several years, I looked absurdly young—far too young, it soon + became evident, to interest Mr. Moody. He was already moving about among + the men and women who had responded to his invitation, and one by one he + invited them to speak, passing me each time until at last I was left + alone. Then he took pity on me and came to my side to whisper kindly that + I had misunderstood his invitation. He did not want young girls to talk to + his people, he said, but mature women with worldly experience. He advised + me to go home to my mother, adding, to soften the blow, that some time in + the future when there were young girls at the meeting I could come and + talk to them. + </p> + <p> + I made no explanations to him, but started to leave, and Miss Willard, who + saw me departing, followed and stopped me. She asked why I was going, and + I told her that Mr. Moody had sent me home to grow. Frances Willard had a + keen sense of humor, and she enjoyed the joke so thoroughly that she + finally convinced me it was amusing, though at first the humor of it had + escaped me. She took me back to Mr. Moody and explained the situation to + him, and he apologized and put me to work. He said he had thought I was + about sixteen. After that I occasionally helped him in the intervals of my + other work. + </p> + <p> + The time had come to follow Mrs. Addy's wishes and go to Europe, and I + sailed in the month of June following my graduation, and traveled for + three months with a party of tourists under the direction of Eben Tourgee, + of the Boston Conservatory of Music. We landed in Glasgow, and from there + went to England, Belgium, Holland, Germany, France, and last of all to + Italy. Our company included many clergymen and a never-to-be-forgotten + widow whose light-hearted attitude toward the memory of her departed + spouse furnished the comedy of our first voyage. It became a pet diversion + to ask her if her husband still lived, for she always answered the + question in the same mournful words, and with the same manner of + irrepressible gaiety. + </p> + <p> + "Oh no!" she would chirp. "My dear departed has been in our Heavenly + Father's house for the past eight years!" + </p> + <p> + At its best, the vacation without my friend was tragically incomplete, and + only a few of its incidents stand out with clearness across the forty-six + years that have passed since then. One morning, I remember, I preached an + impromptu sermon in the Castle of Heidelberg before a large gathering; and + a little later, in Genoa, I preached a very different sermon to a wholly + different congregation. There was a gospel-ship in the harbor, and one + Saturday the pastor of it came ashore to ask if some American clergyman in + our party would preach on his ship the next morning. He was an old-time, + orthodox Presbyterian, and from the tips of his broad-soled shoes to the + severe part in the hair above his sanctimonious brow he looked the type. I + was not present when he called at our hotel, and my absence gave my + fellow-clergymen an opportunity to play a joke on the gentleman from the + gospel-ship. They assured him that "Dr. Shaw" would preach for him, and + the pastor returned to his post greatly pleased. When they told me of his + invitation, however, they did not add that they had neglected to tell him + Dr. Shaw was a woman, and I was greatly elated by the compliment I thought + had been paid me. + </p> + <p> + Our entire party of thirty went out to the gospelship the next morning, + and when the pastor came to meet us, lank and forbidding, his austere lips + vainly trying to curve into a smile of welcome, they introduced me to him + as the minister who was to deliver the sermon. He had just taken my hand; + he dropped it as if it had burned his own. For a moment he had no words to + meet the crisis. Then he stuttered something to the effect that the + situation was impossible that his men would not listen to a woman, that + they would mob her, that it would be blasphemous for a woman to preach. My + associates, who had so light-heartedly let me in for this unpleasant + experience, now realized that they must see me through it. They persuaded + him to allow me to preach the sermon. + </p> + <p> + With deep reluctance the pastor finally accepted me and the situation; but + when the moment came to introduce me, he devoted most of his time to + heartfelt apologies for my presence. He explained to the sailors that I + was a woman, and fervidly assured them that he himself was not responsible + for my appearance there. With every word he uttered he put a brick in the + wall he was building between me and the crew, until at last I felt that I + could never get past it. I was very unhappy, very lonely, very homesick; + and suddenly the thought came to me that these men, notwithstanding their + sullen eyes and forbidding faces, might be lonely and homesick, too. I + decided to talk to them as a woman and not as a minister, and I came down + from the pulpit and faced them on their own level, looking them over and + mentally selecting the hardest specimens of the lot as the special objects + of my appeal. One old fellow, who looked like a pirate with his red-rimmed + eyes, weather-beaten skin, and fimbriated face, grinned up at me in such + sardonic challenge that I walked directly in front of him and began to + speak. I said: + </p> + <p> + "My friends, I hope you will forget everything Dr. Blank has just said. It + is true that I am a minister, and that I came here to preach. But now I do + not intend to preach—only to have a friendly talk, on a text which + is not in the Bible. I am very far from home, and I feel as homesick as + some of you men look. So my text is, 'Blessed are the homesick, for they + shall go home.'" + </p> + <p> + In my summers at Cape Cod I had learned something about sailors. I knew + that in the inprepossessing congregation before me there were many boys + who had run away from home, and men who had left home because of family + troubles. I talked to the young men first, to those who had forgotten + their mothers and thought their mothers had forgotten them, and I told of + my experiences with waiting, heavy-hearted mothers who had sons at sea. + Some heads went down at that, and here and there I saw a boy gulp, but the + old fellow I was particularly anxious to move still grinned up at me like + a malicious monkey. Then I talked of the sailor's wife, and of her double + burden of homemaking and anxiety, and soon I could pick out some of the + husbands by their softened faces. But still my old man grinned and + squinted. Last of all I described the whalers who were absent from home + for years, and who came back to find their children and their + grandchildren waiting for them. I told how I had seen them, in our New + England coast towns, covered, as a ship is covered with barnacles, by + grandchildren who rode on their shoulders and sat astride of their necks + as they walked down the village streets. And now at last the sneer left my + old man's loose lips. He had grandchildren somewhere. He twisted uneasily + in his seat, coughed, and finally took out a big red handkerchief and + wiped his eyes. The episode encouraged me. + </p> + <p> + "When I came here," I added, "I intended to preach a sermon on 'The + Heavenly Vision.' Now I want to give you a glimpse of that in addition to + the vision we have had of home." + </p> + <p> + I ended with a bit of the sermon and a prayer, and when I raised my head + the old man of the sardonic grin was standing before me. + </p> + <p> + "Missus," he said in a husky whisper, "I'd like to shake your hand." + </p> + <p> + I took his hard old fist, and then, seeing that many of the other sailors + were beginning to move hospitably but shyly toward me, I said: + </p> + <p> + "I would like to shake hands with every man here." + </p> + <p> + At the words they surged forward, and the affair became a reception, + during which I shook hands with every sailor of my congregation. The next + day my hand was swollen out of shape, for the sailors had gripped it as if + they were hauling on a hawser; but the experience was worth the + discomfort. The best moment of the morning came, however, when the pastor + of the ship faced me, goggle-eyed and marveling. + </p> + <p> + "I wouldn't have believed it," was all he could say. "I thought the men + would mob you." + </p> + <p> + "Why should they mob me?" I wanted to know. + </p> + <p> + "Why," he stammered, "because the thing is so—so—unnatural." + </p> + <p> + "Well," I said, "if it is unnatural for women to talk to men, we have been + living in an unnatural world for a long time. Moreover, if it is + unnatural, why did Jesus send a woman out as the first preacher?" + </p> + <p> + He waived a discussion of that question by inviting us all to his cabin to + drink wine with him—and as we were "total abstainers," it seemed as + unnatural to us to have him offer us wine as a woman's preaching had + seemed to him. + </p> + <p> + The next European incident on which memory throws a high-light was our + audience with Pope Leo XIII. As there were several distinguished Americans + in our party, a private audience was arranged for us, and for days before + the time appointed we nervously rehearsed the etiquette of the occasion. + When we reached the Vatican we were marched between rows of Swiss Guards + to the Throne Room, only to learn there that we were to be received in the + Tapestry Room. Here we found a very impressive assemblage of cardinals and + Vatican officials, and while we were still lost in the beauty of the + picture they made against the room's superb background, the approach of + the Pope was announced. Every one immediately knelt, except a few persons + who tried to show their democracy by standing; but I am sure that even + these individuals felt a thrill when the slight, exquisite figure appeared + at the door and gave us a general benediction. Then the Pope passed slowly + down the line, offering his hand to each of us, and radiating a charm so + gracious and so human that few failed to respond to the appeal of his + engaging personality. There was nothing fleshly about Leo XIII. His body + was so frail, so wraithlike, that one almost expected to see through it + the magnificent tapestries on the walls. But from the moment he appeared + every eye clung to him, every thought was concentrated upon him. This + effect I think he would have produced even if he had come among us + unrecognized, for through the thin shell that housed it shone the steady + flame of a wonderful spirit. + </p> + <p> + I had previously remarked to my friends that kissing the Pope's ring after + so many other lips had touched it did not appeal to me as hygienic, and + that I intended to kiss his hand instead. When my opportunity came I kept + my word; but after I had kissed the venerable hand I remained kneeling for + an instant with bowed head, a little aghast at my daring. The gentle + Father thought, however, that I was waiting for a special blessing. He + gave it to me gravely and passed on, and I devoted the next few hours to + ungodly crowing over the associates who had received no such individual + attention. + </p> + <p> + In Venice we attended the great fete celebrating the first visit of King + Humbert and Queen Margherita. It was also the first time Venice had + entertained a queen since the Italian union, and the sea-queen of the + Adriatic outdid herself in the gorgeousness and the beauty of her + preparations. The Grand Canal was like a flowing rainbow, reflecting the + brilliant decorations on every side, and at night the moonlight, the + music, the chiming church-bells, the colored lanterns, the gay voices, the + lapping waters against the sides of countless gondolas made the experience + seem like a dream of a new and unbelievably beautiful world. Forty + thousand persons were gathered in the Square of St. Mark and in front of + the Palace, and I recall a pretty incident in which the gracious Queen and + a little street urchin figured. The small, ragged boy had crept as close + to the royal balcony as he dared, and then, unobserved, had climbed up one + of its pillars. At the moment when a sudden hush had fallen on the crowd + this infant, overcome by patriotism and a glimpse of the royal lady on the + balcony above him, suddenly piped up shrilly in the silence. "Long live + the Queen!" he cried. "Long live the Queen!" + </p> + <p> + The gracious Margherita heard the childish voice, and, amused and + interested, leaned over the balcony to see where it came from. What she + saw doubtless touched the mother-heart in her. She caught the eye of the + tattered urchin clinging to the pillar, and radiantly smiled on him. Then, + probably thinking that the King was absorbing the attention of the great + assemblage, she indulged in a little diversion. Leaning far forward, she + kissed the tip of her lace handkerchief and swept it caressingly across + the boy's brown cheek, smiling down at him as unconsciously as if she and + the enraptured youngster were alone together in the world. The next + instant she had straightened up and flushed, for the watchful crowd had + seen the episode and was wild with enthusiasm. For ten minutes the people + cheered the Queen without ceasing, and for the next few days they talked + of little but the spontaneous, girlish action which had delighted them + all. + </p> + <p> + One more sentimental record, and I shall have reached another mile-stone. + As I have said, my friend Mrs. Addy left me in her will fifteen hundred + dollars for my visit to Europe, and before I sailed her father, who was + one of the best friends I have ever had, made a characteristically kind + proposition in connection with the little fund. Instead of giving me the + money, he gave me two railroad bonds, one for one thousand dollars, the + other for five hundred dollars, and each drawing seven per cent. interest. + He suggested that I deposit these bonds in the bank of which he was + president, and borrow from the bank the money to go abroad. Then, when I + returned and went into my new parish, I could use some of my salary every + month toward repaying the loan. These monthly payments, he explained, + could be as small as I wished, but each month the interest on the amount I + paid would cease. I gladly took his advice and borrowed seven hundred + dollars. After I returned from Europe I repaid the loan in monthly + instalments, and eventually got my bonds, which I still own. They will + mature in 1916. I have had one hundred and five dollars a year from them, + in interest, ever since I received them in 1878—more than twice as + much interest as their face value—and every time I have gone abroad + I have used this interest toward paying my passage. Thus my friend has had + a share in each of the many visits I have made to Europe, and in all of + them her memory has been vividly with me. + </p> + <p> + With my return from Europe my real career as a minister began. The year in + the pulpit at Hingham had been merely tentative, and though I had + succeeded in building up the church membership to four times what it had + been when I took charge, I was not reappointed. I had paid off a small + church debt, and had had the building repaired, painted, and carpeted. Now + that it was out of its difficulties it offered some advantages to the + occupant of its pulpit, and of these my successor, a man, received the + benefit. I, however, had small ground for complaint, for I was at once + offered and accepted the pastorate of a church at East Dennis, Cape Cod. + Here I went in October, 1878, and here I spent seven of the most + interesting years of my life. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0007" id="link2H_4_0007"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + </h2> + <p> + On my return from Europe, as I have said, I took up immediately and most + buoyantly the work of my new parish. My previous occupation of various + pulpits, whether long or short, had always been in the role of a + substitute. Now, for the first time, I had a church of my own, and was to + stand or fall by the record made in it. The ink was barely dry on my + diploma from the Boston Theological School, and, as it happened, the + little church to which I was called was in the hands of two warring + factions, whose battles furnished the most fervid interest of the Cape Cod + community. But my inexperience disturbed me not at all, and I was + blissfully ignorant of the division in the congregation. So I entered my + new field as trustfully as a child enters a garden; and though I was in + trouble from the beginning, and resigned three times in startling + succession, I ended by remaining seven years. + </p> + <p> + My appointment did not cause even a lull in the warfare among my + parishioners. Before I had crossed the threshold of my church I was made + to realize that I was shepherd of a divided flock. Exactly what had caused + the original breach I never learned; but it had widened with time, until + it seemed that no peacemaker could build a bridge large enough to span it. + As soon as I arrived in East Dennis each faction tried to pour into my + ears its bitter criticisms of the other, but I made and consistently + followed the safe rule of refusing to listen to either side, I announced + publicly that I would hear no verbal charges whatever, but that if my two + flocks would state their troubles in writing I would call a board meeting + to discuss and pass upon them. This they both resolutely refused to do (it + was apparently the first time they had ever agreed on any point); and as I + steadily declined to listen to complaints, they devised an original method + of putting them before me. + </p> + <p> + During the regular Thursday-night prayer-meeting, held about two weeks + after my arrival, and at which, of course, I presided, they voiced their + difficulties in public prayer, loudly and urgently calling upon the Lord + to pardon such and such a liar, mentioning the gentleman by name, and such + and such a slanderer, whose name was also submitted. By the time the + prayers were ended there were few untarnished reputations in the + congregation, and I knew, perforce, what both sides had to say. + </p> + <p> + The following Thursday night they did the same thing, filling their + prayers with intimate and surprising details of one another's history, and + I endured the situation solely because I did not know how to meet it. I + was still young, and my theological course had set no guide-posts on roads + as new as these. To interfere with souls in their communion with God + seemed impossible; to let them continue to utter personal attacks in + church, under cover of prayer, was equally impossible. Any course I could + follow seemed to lead away from my new parish, yet both duty and pride + made prompt action necessary. By the time we gathered for the third + prayermeeting I had decided what to do, and before the services began I + rose and addressed my erring children. I explained that the character of + the prayers at our recent meetings was making us the laughingstock of the + community, that unbelievers were ridiculing our religion, and that the + discipline of the church was being wrecked; and I ended with these words, + each of which I had carefully weighed: + </p> + <p> + "Now one of two things must happen. Either you will stop this kind of + praying, or you will remain away from our meetings. We will hold + prayermeetings on another night, and I shall refuse admission to any among + you who bring personal criticisms into your public prayers." + </p> + <p> + As I had expected it to do, the announcement created an immediate uproar. + Both factions sprang to their feet, trying to talk at once. The storm + raged until I dismissed the congregation, telling the members that their + conduct was an insult to the Lord, and that I would not listen to either + their protests or their prayers. They went unwillingly, but they went; and + the excitement the next day raised the sick from their beds to talk of it, + and swept the length and breadth of Cape Cod. The following Sunday the + little church held the largest attendance in its history. Seemingly, every + man and woman in town had come to hear what more I would say about the + trouble, but I ignored the whole matter. I preached the sermon I had + prepared, the subject of which was as remote from church quarrels as our + atmosphere was remote from peace, and my congregation dispersed with + expressions of such artless disappointment that it was all I could do to + preserve a dignified gravity. + </p> + <p> + That night, however, the war was brought into my camp. At the evening + meeting the leader of one of the factions rose to his feet with the + obvious purpose of starting trouble. He was a retired sea-captain, of the + ruthless type that knocks a man down with a belaying-pin, and he made his + attack on me in a characteristically "straight from the shoulder" fashion. + He began with the proposition that my morning sermon had been "entirely + contrary to the Scriptures," and for ten minutes he quoted and misquoted + me, hammering in his points. I let him go on without interruption. Then he + added: + </p> + <p> + "And this gal comes to this church and undertakes to tell us how we shall + pray. That's a highhanded measure, and I, for one, ain't goin' to stand + it. I want to say right here that I shall pray as I like, when I like, and + where I like. I have prayed in this heavenly way for fifty years before + that gal was born, and she can't dictate to me now!" + </p> + <p> + By this time the whole congregation was aroused, and cries of "Sit down!" + "Sit down!" came from every side of the church. It was a hard moment, but + I was able to rise with some show of dignity. I was hurt through and + through, but my fighting blood was stirring. + </p> + <p> + "No," I said, "Captain Sears has the floor. Let him say now all he wishes + to say, for it is the last time he will ever speak at one of our + meetings." + </p> + <p> + Captain Sears, whose exertions had already made him apoplectic, turned a + darker purple. "What's that?" he shouted. "What d'ye mean?" + </p> + <p> + "I mean," I replied, "that I do not intend to allow you or anybody else to + interfere with my meetings. You are a sea-captain. What would you do to me + if I came on board your ship and started a mutiny in your crew, or tried + to give you orders?" + </p> + <p> + Captain Sears did not reply. He stood still, with his legs far apart and + braced, as he always stood when talking, but his eyes shifted a little. I + answered my own question. + </p> + <p> + "You would put me ashore or in irons," I reminded him. "Now, Captain + Sears, I intend to put you ashore. I am the master of this ship. I have + set my course, and I mean to follow it. If you rebel, either you will get + out or I will. But until the board asks for my resignation, I am in + command." + </p> + <p> + As it happened, I had put my ultimatum in the one form the old man could + understand. He sat down without a word and stared at me. We sang the + Doxology, and I dismissed the meeting. Again we had omitted prayers. The + next day Captain Sears sent me a letter recalling his subscription toward + the support of the church; and for weeks he remained away from our + services, returning under conditions I will mention later. Even at the + time, however, his attack helped rather than hurt me. At the regular + meeting the following Thursday night no personal criticisms were included + in the prayers, and eventually we had peace. But many battles were lost + and won before that happy day arrived. + </p> + <p> + Captain Sears's vacant place among us was promptly taken by another + captain in East Dennis, whose name was also Sears. A few days after my + encounter with the first captain I met the second on the street. He had + never come to church, and I stopped and invited him to do so. He replied + with simple candor. + </p> + <p> + "I ain't comin'," he told me. "There ain't no gal that can teach me + nothin'." + </p> + <p> + "Perhaps you are wrong, Captain Sears," I replied. "I might teach you + something." + </p> + <p> + "What?" demanded the captain, with chilling distrust. + </p> + <p> + "Oh," I said, cheerfully, "let us say tolerance, for one thing." + </p> + <p> + "Humph!" muttered the old man. "The Lord don't want none of your + tolerance, and neither do I." + </p> + <p> + I laughed. "He doesn't object to tolerance," I said. "Come to church. You + can talk, too; and the Lord will listen to us both." + </p> + <p> + To my surprise, the captain came the following Sunday, and during the + seven years I remained in the church he was one of my strongest supporters + and friends. I needed friends, for my second battle was not slow in + following my first. There was, indeed, barely time between in which to + care for the wounded. + </p> + <p> + We had in East Dennis what was known as the "Free Religious Group," and + when some of the members of my congregation were not wrangling among + themselves, they were usually locking horns with this group. For years, I + was told, one of the prime diversions of the "Free Religious" faction was + to have a dance in our town hall on the night when we were using it for + our annual church fair. The rules of the church positively prohibited + dancing, so the worldly group took peculiar pleasure in attending the + fair, and during the evening in getting up a dance and whirling about + among us, to the horror of our members. Then they spent the remainder of + the year boasting of the achievement. It came to my ears that they had + decided to follow this pleasing programme at our Christmas church + celebration, so I called the church trustees together and put the + situation to them. + </p> + <p> + "We must either enforce our discipline," I said, "or give it up. + Personally I do not object to dancing, but, as the church has ruled + against it, I intend to uphold the church. To allow these people to make + us ridiculous year after year is impossible. Let us either tell them that + they may dance or that they may not dance; but whatever we tell them, let + us make them obey our ruling." + </p> + <p> + The trustees were shocked at the mere suggestion of letting them dance. + </p> + <p> + "Very well," I ended. "Then they shall not dance. That is understood." + </p> + <p> + Captain Crowell, the father of my dead friend Mrs. Addy, and himself my + best man friend, was a strong supporter of the Free Religious Group. When + its members raced to him with the news that I had said they could not + dance at the church's Christmas party, Captain Crowell laughed + goodhumoredly and told them to dance as much as they pleased, cheerfully + adding that he would get them out of any trouble they got into. Knowing my + friendship for him, and that I even owed my church appointment to him, the + Free Religious people were certain that I would never take issue with him + on dancing or on any other point. They made all their preparations for the + dance, therefore, with entire confidence, and boasted that the affair + would be the gayest they had ever arranged. My people began to look at me + with sympathy, and for a time I felt very sorry for myself. It seemed + sufficiently clear that "the gal" was to have more trouble. + </p> + <p> + On the night of the party things went badly from the first. There was an + evident intention among the worst of the Free Religious Group to embarrass + us at every turn. We opened the exercises with the Lord's Prayer, which + this element loudly applauded. A live kitten was hung high on the + Christmas tree, where it squalled mournfully beyond reach of rescue, and + the young men of the outside group threw cake at one another across the + hall. Finally tiring of these innocent diversions, they began to prepare + for their dance, and I protested. The spokesman of the group waved me to + one side. + </p> + <p> + "Captain Crowell said we could," he remarked, airily. + </p> + <p> + "Captain Crowell," I replied, "has no authority whatever in this matter. + The church trustees have decided that you cannot dance here, and I intend + to enforce their ruling." + </p> + <p> + It was interesting to observe how rapidly the men of my congregation + disappeared from that hall. Like shadows they crept along the walls and + vanished through the doors. But the preparations for the dance went + merrily on. I walked to the middle of the room and raised my voice. I was + always listened to, for my hearers always had the hope, usually realized, + that I was about to get into more trouble. + </p> + <p> + "You are determined to dance," I began. "I cannot keep you from doing so. + But I can and will make you regret that you have done so. The law of the + State of Massachusetts is very definite in regard to religious meetings + and religious gatherings. This hall was engaged and paid for by the + Wesleyan Methodist Church, of which I am pastor, and we have full control + of it to-night. Every man and woman who interrupts our exercises by + attempting to dance, or by creating a disturbance of any kind, will be + arrested to-morrow morning." + </p> + <p> + Surprise at first, then consternation, swept through the ranks of the Free + Religious Group. They denied the existence of such a law as I had + mentioned, and I promptly read it aloud to them. The leaders went off into + a corner and consulted. By this time not one man in my parish was left in + the hall. As a result of the consultation in the corner, a committee of + the would-be dancers came to me and suggested a compromise. + </p> + <p> + "Will you agree to arrest the men only?" they wanted to know. + </p> + <p> + "No," I declared. "On the contrary, I shall have the women arrested first! + For the women ought to be standing with me now in the support of law and + order, instead of siding with the hoodlum element you represent." + </p> + <p> + That settled it. No girl or woman dared to go on the dancing-floor, and no + man cared to revolve merrily by himself. A whisper went round, however, + that the dance would begin when I had left. When the clock struck twelve, + at which hour, according to the town rule, the hall had to be closed, I + was the last person to leave it. Then I locked the door myself, and + carried the key away with me. There had been no Free Religious dance that + night. + </p> + <p> + On the following Sunday morning the attendance at my church broke all + previous records. Every seat was occupied and every aisle was filled. Men + and women came from surrounding towns, and strange horses were tied to all + the fences in East Dennis. Every person in that church was looking for + excitement, and this time my congregation got what it expected. Before I + began my sermon I read my resignation, to take effect at the discretion of + the trustees. Then, as it was presumably my last chance to tell the people + and the place what I thought of them, I spent an hour and a half in + fervidly doing so. In my study of English I had acquired a fairly large + vocabulary. I think I used it all that morning—certainly I tried to. + If ever an erring congregation and community saw themselves as they really + were, mine did on that occasion. I was heartsick, discouraged, and full of + resentment and indignation, which until then had been pent up. Under the + arraignment my people writhed and squirmed. I ended: + </p> + <p> + "What I am saying hurts you, but in your hearts you know you deserve every + word of it. It is high time you saw yourselves as you are—a disgrace + to the religion you profess and to the community you live in." + </p> + <p> + I was not sure the congregation would let me finish, but it did. My + hearers seemed torn by conflicting sentiments, in which anger and + curiosity led opposing sides. Many of them left the church in a white + fury, but others—more than I had expected—remained to speak to + me and assure me of their sympathy. Once on the streets, different groups + formed and mingled, and all day the little town rocked with arguments for + and against "the gal." + </p> + <p> + Night brought another surprisingly large attendance. I expected more + trouble, and I faced it with difficulty, for I was very tired. Just as I + took my place in the pulpit, Captain Sears entered the church and walked + down the aisle—the Captain Sears who had left us at my invitation + some weeks before and had not since attended a church service. I was sure + he was there to make another attack on me while I was down, and, expecting + the worst, I wearily gave him his opportunity. The big old fellow stood + up, braced himself on legs far apart, as if he were standing on a slippery + deck during a high sea, and gave the congregation its biggest surprise of + the year. + </p> + <p> + He said he had come to make a confession. He had been angry with "the gal" + in the past, as they all knew. But he had heard about the sermon she had + preached that morning, and this time she was right. It was high time + quarreling and backbiting were stopped. They had been going on too long, + and no good could come of them. Moreover, in all the years he had been a + member of that congregation he had never until now seen the pulpit + occupied by a minister with enough backbone to uphold the discipline of + the church. "I've come here to say I'm with the gal," he ended. "Put me + down for my original subscription and ten dollars extra!" + </p> + <p> + So we had the old man back again. He was a tower of strength, and he stood + by me faithfully until he died. The trustees would not accept my + resignation (indeed, they refused to consider it at all), and the + congregation, when it had thought things over, apparently decided that + there might be worse things in the pulpit than "the gal." It was even + known to brag of what it called my "spunk," and perhaps it was this + quality, rather than any other, which I most needed in that particular + parish at that time. As for me, when the fight was over I dropped it from + my mind, and it had not entered my thoughts for years, until I began to + summon these memories. + </p> + <p> + At the end of my first six months in East Dennis I was asked to take on, + also, the temporary charge of the Congregational Church at Dennis, two + miles and a half away. I agreed to do this until a permanent pastor could + be found, on condition that I should preach at Dennis on Sunday + afternoons, using the same sermon I preached in my own pulpit in the + morning. The arrangement worked so well that it lasted for six and a half + years—until I resigned from my East Dennis church. During that + period, moreover, I not only carried the two churches on my shoulders, + holding three meetings each Sunday, but I entered upon and completed a + course in the Boston Medical School, winning my M.D. in 1885, and I also + lectured several times a month during the winter seasons. These were, + therefore, among the most strenuous as well as the most interesting years + of my existence, and I mention the strain of them only to prove my + life-long contention, that congenial work, no matter how much there is of + it, has never yet killed any one! + </p> + <p> + After my battle with the Free Religious Group things moved much more + smoothly in the parish. Captain Crowell, instead of resenting my defiance + of his ruling, helped to reconcile the divided factions in the church; and + though, as I have said, twice afterward I submitted my resignation, in + each case the fight I was making was for a cause which I firmly believed + in and eventually won. My second resignation was brought about by the + unwillingness of the church to have me exchange pulpits with the one + minister on Cape Cod broad-minded enough to invite me to preach in his + pulpit. I had done so, and had then sent him a return invitation. He was a + gentleman and a scholar, but he was also a Unitarian; and though my people + were willing to let me preach in his church, they were loath to let him + preach in mine. After a surprising amount of discussion my resignation put + a different aspect on the matter; it also led to the satisfactory ruling + that I could exchange pulpits not only with this minister, but with any + other in good standing in his own church. + </p> + <p> + My third resignation went before the trustees in consequence of my protest + from the pulpit against a small drinking and gambling saloon in East + Dennis; which was rapidly demoralizing our boys. Theoretically, only "soft + drinks" were sold, but the gambling was open, and the resort was + constantly filled with boys of all ages. There were influences back of + this place which tried to protect it, and its owner was very popular in + the town. After my first sermon I was waited upon by a committee, that + warmly advised me to "let East Dennis alone" and confine my criticisms "to + saloons in Boston and other big towns." As I had nothing to do with + Boston, and much to do with East Dennis, I preached on that place three + Sundays in succession, and feeling became so intense that I handed in my + resignation and prepared to depart. Then my friends rallied and the resort + was suppressed. + </p> + <p> + That was my last big struggle. During the remaining five years of my + pastorate on Cape Cod the relations between my people and myself were + wholly harmonious and beautiful. If I have seemed to dwell too much on + these small victories, it must be remembered that I find in them such + comfort as I can. I have not yet won the great and vital fight of my life, + to which I have given myself, heart and soul, for the past thirty years—the + campaign for woman suffrage. I have seen victories here and there, and + shall see more. But when the ultimate triumph comes—when American + women in every state cast their ballots as naturally as their husbands do—I + may not be in this world to rejoice over it. + </p> + <p> + It is interesting to remember that during the strenuous period of the + first few months in East Dennis, and notwithstanding the division in the + congregation, we women of the church got together and repainted and + refurnished the building, raising all the money and doing much of the work + ourselves, as the expense of having it done was prohibitive. We painted + the church, and even cut down and modernized the pulpit. The total cost of + material and furniture was not half so great as the original estimate had + indicated, and we had learned a valuable lesson. After this we spent very + little money for labor, but did our own cleaning, carpet-laying, and the + like; and our little church, if I may be allowed to say so, was a model of + neatness and good taste. + </p> + <p> + I have said that at the end of two years from the time of my appointment + the long-continued warfare in the church was ended. I was not immediately + allowed, however, to bask in an atmosphere of harmony, for in October, + 1880, the celebrated contest over my ordination took place at the + Methodist Protestant Conference in Tarrytown, New York; and for three days + I was a storm-center around which a large number of truly good and wholly + sincere men fought the fight of their religious lives. Many of them + strongly believed that women were out of place in the ministry. I did not + blame them for this conviction. But I was in the ministry, and I was + greatly handicapped by the fact that, although I was a licensed preacher + and a graduate of the Boston Theological School, I could not, until I had + been regularly ordained, meet all the functions of my office. I could + perform the marriage service, but I could not baptize. I could bury the + dead, but I could not take members into my church. That had to be done by + the presiding elder or by some other minister. I could not administer the + sacraments. So at the New England Spring Conference of the Methodist + Episcopal Church, held in Boston in 1880, I formally applied for + ordination. At the same time application was made by another woman—Miss + Anna Oliver—and as a preliminary step we were both examined by the + Conference board, and were formally reported by that board as fitted for + ordination. Our names were therefore presented at the Conference, over + which Bishop Andrews presided, and he immediately refused to accept them. + Miss Oliver and I were sitting together in the gallery of the church when + the bishop announced his decision, and, while it staggered us, it did not + really surprise us. We had been warned of this gentleman's deep-seated + prejudice against women in the ministry. + </p> + <p> + After the services were over Miss Oliver and I called on him and asked him + what we should do. He told us calmly that there was nothing for us to do + but to get out of the Church. We reminded him of our years of study and + probation, and that I had been for two years in charge of two churches. He + set his thin lips and replied that there was no place for women in the + ministry, and, as he then evidently considered the interview ended, we + left him with heavy hearts. While we were walking slowly away, Miss Oliver + confided to me that she did not intend to leave the Church. Instead, she + told me, she would stay in and fight the matter of her ordination to a + finish. I, however, felt differently. I had done considerable fighting + during the past two years, and my heart and soul were weary. I said: "I + shall get out, I am no better and no stronger than a man, and it is all a + man can do to fight the world, the flesh, and the devil, without fighting + his Church as well. I do not intend to fight my Church. But I am called to + preach the gospel; and if I cannot preach it in my own Church, I will + certainly preach it in some other Church!" + </p> + <p> + As if in response to this outburst, a young minister named Mark Trafton + soon called to see me. He had been present at our Conference, he had seen + my Church refuse to ordain me, and he had come to suggest that I apply for + ordination in his Church—the Methodist Protestant. To leave my + Church, even though urged to do so by its appointed spokesman, seemed a + radical step. Before taking this I appealed from the decision of the + Conference to the General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church, + which held its session that year in Cincinnati, Ohio. Miss Oliver also + appealed, and again we were both refused ordination, the General + Conference voting to sustain Bishop Andrews in his decision. Not content + with this achievement, the Conference even took a backward step. It + deprived us of the right to be licensed as local preachers. After this + blow I recalled with gratitude the Reverend Mark Trafton's excellent + advice, and I immediately applied for ordination in the Methodist + Protestant Church. My name was presented at the Conference held in + Tarrytown in October, 1880, and the fight was on. + </p> + <p> + During these Conferences it is customary for each candidate to retire + while the discussion of his individual fitness for ordination is in + progress. When my name came up I was asked, as my predecessors had been, + to leave the room for a few moments. I went into an anteroom and waited—a + half-hour, an hour, all afternoon, all evening, and still the battle + raged. I varied the monotony of sitting in the anteroom by strolls around + Tarrytown, and I think I learned to know its every stone and turn. The + next day passed in the same way. At last, late on Saturday night, it was + suddenly announced by my opponents that I was not even a member of the + Church in which I had applied for ordination. The statement created + consternation among my friends. None of us had thought of that! The bomb, + timed to explode at the very end of the session, threatened to destroy all + my hopes. Of course, my opponents had reasoned, it would be too late for + me to do anything, and my name would be dropped. + </p> + <p> + But it was not too late. Dr. Lyman Davis, the pastor of the Methodist + Protestant Church in Tarrytown, was very friendly toward me and my + ordination, and he proved his friendship in a singularly prompt and + efficient fashion. Late as it was, he immediately called together the + trustees of his church, and they responded. To them I made my application + for church membership, which they accepted within five minutes. I was now + a member of the Church, but it was too late to obtain any further action + from the Conference. The next day, Sunday, all the men who had applied for + ordination were ordained, and I was left out. + </p> + <p> + On Monday morning, however, when the Conference met in its final business + session, my case was reopened, and I was eventually called before the + members to answer questions. Some of these were extremely interesting, and + several of the episodes that occurred were very amusing. One old gentleman + I can see as I write. He was greatly excited, and he led the opposition by + racing up and down the aisles, quoting from the Scriptures to prove his + case against women ministers. As he ran about he had a trick of putting + his arms under the back of his coat, making his coat-tails stand out like + wings and incidentally revealing two long white tapestrings belonging to a + flannel undergarment. Even in the painful stress of those hours I observed + with interest how beautifully those tape-strings were ironed! + </p> + <p> + I was there to answer any questions that were asked of me, and the + questions came like hailstones in a sudden summer storm. + </p> + <p> + "Paul said, 'Wives, obey your husbands,'" shouted my old man of the + coat-tails. "Suppose your husband should refuse to allow you to preach? + What then?" + </p> + <p> + "In the first place," I answered, "Paul did not say so, according to the + Scriptures. But even if he did, it would not concern me, for I am a + spinster." + </p> + <p> + The old man looked me over. "You might marry some day," he predicted, + cautiously. + </p> + <p> + "Possibly," I admitted. "Wiser women than I am have married. But it is + equally possible that I might marry a man who would command me to preach; + and in that case I want to be all ready to obey him." + </p> + <p> + At this another man, a bachelor, also began to draw from the Scriptures. + "An elder," he quoted, "shall be the husband of one wife." And he + demanded, triumphantly, "How is it possible for you to be the husband of a + wife?" + </p> + <p> + In response to that I quoted a bit myself. "Paul said, 'Anathema unto him + who addeth to or taketh from the Scriptures,'" I reminded this gentleman; + and added that a twisted interpretation of the Scriptures was as bad as + adding to or taking from them, and that no one doubted that Paul was + warning the elders against polygamy. Then I went a bit further, for by + this time the absurd character of the questions was getting on my nerves. + </p> + <p> + "Even if my good brother's interpretation is correct," I said, "he has + overlooked two important points. Though he is an elder, he is also a + bachelor; so I am as much of a husband as he is!" + </p> + <p> + A good deal of that sort of thing went on. The most satisfactory episode + of the session, to me, was the downfall of three pert young men who in + turn tried to make it appear that as the duty of the Conference was to + provide churches for all its pastors, I might become a burden to the + Church if it proved impossible to provide a pastorate for me. At that, one + of my friends in the council rose to his feet. + </p> + <p> + "I have had official occasion to examine into the matter of Miss Shaw's + parish and salary," he said, "and I know what salaries the last three + speakers are drawing. It may interest the Conference to know that Miss + Shaw's present salary equals the combined salaries of the three young men + who are so afraid she will be a burden to the Church. If, before being + ordained, she can earn three times as much as they now earn after being + ordained, it seems fairly clear that they will never have to support her. + We can only hope that she will never have to support them." + </p> + <p> + The three young ministers subsided into their seats with painful + abruptness, and from that time my opponents were more careful in their + remarks. Still, many unpleasant things were said, and too much warmth was + shown by both sides. We gained ground through the day, however, and at the + end of the session the Conference, by a large majority, voted to ordain + me. + </p> + <p> + The ordination service was fixed for the following evening, and even the + gentlemen who had most vigorously opposed me were not averse to making the + occasion a profitable one. The contention had already enormously + advertised the Conference, and the members now helped the good work along + by sending forth widespread announcements of the result. They also decided + that, as the attendance at the service would be very large, they would + take up a collection for the support of superannuated ministers. The three + young men who had feared I would become a burden were especially active in + the matter of this collection; and, as they had no sense of humor, it did + not seem incongruous to them to use my ordination as a means of raising + money for men who had already become burdens to the Church. + </p> + <p> + When the great night came (on October 12, 1880), the expected crowd came + also. And to the credit of my opponents I must add that, having lost their + fight, they took their defeat in good part and gracefully assisted in the + services. Sitting in one of the front pews was Mrs. Stiles, the wife of + Dr. Stiles, who was superintendent of the Conference. She was a dear + little old lady of seventy, with a big, maternal heart; and when she saw + me rise to walk up the aisle alone, she immediately rose, too, came to my + side, offered me her arm, and led me to the altar. + </p> + <p> + The ordination service was very impressive and beautiful. Its peace and + dignity, following the battle that had raged for days, moved me so deeply + that I was nearly overcome. Indeed, I was on the verge of a breakdown when + I was mercifully saved by the clause in the discipline calling for the + pledge all ministers had to make—that I would not indulge in the use + of tobacco. When this vow fell from my lips a perceptible ripple ran over + the congregation. + </p> + <p> + I was homesick for my Cape Cod parish, and I returned to East Dennis + immediately after my ordination, arriving there on Saturday night. I knew + by the suppressed excitement of my friends that some surprise awaited me, + but I did not learn what it was until I entered my dear little church the + following morning. There I found the communion-table set forth with a + beautiful new communion-service. This had been purchased during my + absence, that I might dedicate it that day and for the first time + administer the sacrament to my people. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0008" id="link2H_4_0008"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES + </h2> + <p> + Looking back now upon those days, I see my Cape Cod friends as clearly as + if the intervening years had been wiped out and we were again together. + Among those I most loved were two widely differing types—Captain + Doane, a retired sea-captain, and Relief Paine, an invalid chained to her + couch, but whose beautiful influence permeated the community like an + atmosphere. Captain Doane was one of the finest men I have ever known—highminded, + tolerant, sympathetic, and full of understanding, He was not only my + friend, but my church barometer. He occupied a front pew, close to the + pulpit; and when I was preaching without making much appeal he sat looking + me straight in the face, listening courteously, but without interest. When + I got into my subject, he would lean forward—the angle at which he + sat indicating the degree of attention I had aroused—and when I was + strongly holding my congregation Brother Doane would bend toward me, + following every word I uttered with corresponding motions of his lips. + When I resigned we parted with deep regret, but it was not until I visited + the church several years afterward that he overcame his reserve enough to + tell me how much he had felt my going. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, did you?" I asked, greatly touched. "You're not saying that merely to + please me?" + </p> + <p> + The old man's hand fell on my shoulder. "I miss you," he said, simply. "I + miss you all the time. You see, I love you." Then, with precipitate + selfconsciousness, he closed the door of his New England heart, and from + some remote corner of it sent out his cautious after-thought. "I love + you," he repeated, primly, "as a sister in the Lord." + </p> + <p> + Relief Paine lived in Brewster. Her name seemed prophetic, and she once + told me that she had always considered it so. Her brother-in-law was my + Sunday-school superintendent, and her family belonged to my church. Very + soon after my arrival in East Dennis I went to see her, and found her, as + she always was, dressed in white and lying on a tiny white bed covered + with pansies, in a room whose windows overlooked the sea. I shall never + forget the picture she made. Over her shoulders was an exquisite white + lace shawl brought from the other side of the world by some seafaring + friend, and against her white pillow her hair seemed the blackest I had + ever seen. When I entered she turned and looked toward me with wonderful + dark eyes that were quite blind, and as she talked her hands played with + the pansies around her. She loved pansies as she loved few human beings, + and she knew their colors by touching them. She was then a little more + than thirty years of age. At sixteen she had fallen downstairs in the + dark, receiving an injury that paralyzed her, and for fifteen years she + had lain on one side, perfectly still, the Stella Maris of the Cape. All + who came to her, and they were many, went away the better for the visit, + and the mere mention of her name along the coast softened eyes that had + looked too bitterly on life. + </p> + <p> + Relief and I became close friends. I was greatly drawn to her, and deeply + moved by the tragedy of her situation, as well as by the beautiful spirit + with which she bore it. During my first visit I regaled her with stories + of the community and of my own experiences, and when I was leaving it + occurred to me that possibly I had been rather frivolous. So I said: + </p> + <p> + "I am coming to see you often, and when I come I want to do whatever will + interest you most. Shall I bring some books and read to you?" + </p> + <p> + Relief smiled—the gay, mischievous little smile I was soon to know + so well, but which at first seemed out of place on the tragic mask of her + face. + </p> + <p> + "No, don't read to me," she decided. "There are enough ready to do that. + Talk to me. Tell me about our life and our people here, as they strike + you." And she added, slowly: "You are a queer minister. You have not + offered to pray with me!" + </p> + <p> + "I feel," I told her, "more like asking you to pray for me." + </p> + <p> + Relief continued her analysis. "You have not told me that my affliction + was a visitation from God," she added; "that it was discipline and well + for me I had it." + </p> + <p> + "I don't believe it was from God," I said. "I don't believe God had + anything to do with it. And I rejoice that you have not let it wreck your + life." + </p> + <p> + She pressed my hand. "Thank you for saying that," she murmured. "If I + thought God did it I could not love Him, and if I did not love Him I could + not live. Please come and see me VERY often—and tell me stories!" + </p> + <p> + After that I collected stories for Relief. One of those which most amused + her, I remember, was about my horse, and this encourages me to repeat it + here. In my life in East Dennis I did not occupy the lonely little + parsonage connected with my church, but instead boarded with a friend—a + widow named Crowell. (There seemed only two names in Cape Cod: Sears and + Crowell.) To keep in touch with my two churches, which were almost three + miles apart, it became necessary to have a horse. As Mrs. Crowell needed + one, too, we decided to buy the animal in partnership, and Miss Crowell, + the daughter of the widow, who knew no more about horses than I did, + undertook to lend me the support of her presence and advice during the + purchase. We did not care to have the entire community take a passionate + interest in the matter, as it would certainly have done if it had heard of + our intention; so my friend and I departed somewhat stealthily for a + neighboring town, where, we had heard, a very good horse was offered for + sale. We saw the animal and liked it; but before closing the bargain we + cannily asked the owner if the horse was perfectly sound, and if it was + gentle with women. He assured us that it was both sound and gentle with + women, and to prove the latter point he had his wife harness it to the + buggy and drive it around the stable-yard. The animal behaved beautifully. + After it had gone through its paces, Miss Crowell and I leaned confidingly + against its side, patting it and praising its beauty, and the horse seemed + to enjoy our attentions. We bought it then and there, drove it home, and + put it in our barn; and the next morning we hired a man in the + neighborhood to come over and take care of it. + </p> + <p> + He arrived. Five minutes later a frightful racket broke out in the barn—sounds + of stamping, kicking, and plunging, mingled with loud shouts. We ran to + the scene of the trouble, and found our "hired man" rushing breathlessly + toward the house. When he was able to speak he informed us that we had "a + devil in there," pointing back to the barn, and that the new horse's legs + were in the air, all four of them at once, the minute he went near her. We + insisted that he must have frightened or hurt her, but, solemnly and with + anxious looks behind, he protested that he had not. Finally Miss Crowell + and I went into the barn, and received a dignified welcome from the new + horse, which seemed pleased by our visit. Together we harnessed her and, + without the least difficulty, drove her out into the yard. As soon as our + man took the reins, however, she reared, kicked, and smashed our brand-new + buggy. We changed the man and had the buggy repaired, but by the end of + the week the animal had smashed the buggy again. Then, with some natural + resentment, we made a second visit to the man from whom we had bought her, + and asked him why he had sold us such a horse. + </p> + <p> + He said he had told us the exact truth. The horse WAS sound and she WAS + extremely gentle with women, but—and this point he had seen no + reason to mention, as we had not asked about it—she would not let a + man come near her. He firmly refused to take her back, and we had to make + the best of the bargain. As it was impossible to take care of her + ourselves, I gave some thought to the problem she presented, and finally + devised a plan which worked very well. I hired a neighbor who was a small, + slight man to take care of her, and made him wear his wife's sunbonnet and + waterproof cloak whenever he approached the horse. The picture he + presented in these garments still stands out pleasantly against the + background of my Cape Cod memories. The horse, however, did not share our + appreciation of it. She was suspicious, and for a time she shied whenever + the man and his sunbonnet and cloak appeared; but we stood by until she + grew accustomed to them and him; and as he was both patient and gentle, + she finally allowed him to harness and unharness her. But no man could + drive her, and when I drove to church I was forced to hitch and unhitch + her myself. No one else could do it, though many a gallant and + subsequently resentful man attempted the feat. + </p> + <p> + On one occasion a man I greatly disliked, and who I had reason to know + disliked me, insisted that he could unhitch her, and started to do so, + notwithstanding my protests and explanations. At his approach she rose on + her hind-legs, and when he grasped her bridle she lifted him off his feet. + His expression as he hung in mid-air was an extraordinary mixture of + surprise and regret. The moment I touched her, however, she quieted down, + and when I got into the buggy and gathered up the reins she walked off + like a lamb, leaving the man staring after her with his eyes starting from + his head. + </p> + <p> + The previous owner had called the horse Daisy, and we never changed the + name, though it always seemed sadly inappropriate. Time proved, however, + that there were advantages in the ownership of Daisy. No man would allow + his wife or daughter to drive behind her, and no one wanted to borrow her. + If she had been a different kind of animal she would have been used by the + whole community, We kept Daisy for seven years, and our acquaintance + ripened into a pleasant friendship. + </p> + <p> + Another Cape Cod resident to whose memory I must offer tribute in these + pages was Polly Ann Sears—one of the dearest and best of my + parishioners. She had six sons, and when five had gone to sea she insisted + that the sixth must remain at home. In vain the boy begged her to let him + follow his brothers. She stood firm. The sea, she said, should not swallow + all her boys; she had given it five—she must keep one. + </p> + <p> + As it happened, the son she kept at home was the only one who was drowned. + He was caught in a fish-net and dragged under the waters of the bay near + his home; and when I went to see his mother to offer such comfort as I + could, she showed that she had learned the big lesson of the experience. + </p> + <p> + "I tried to be a special Providence," she moaned, "and the one boy I kept + home was the only boy I lost. I ain't a-goin' to be a Providence no more." + </p> + <p> + The number of funerals on Cape Cod was tragically large. I was in great + demand on these occasions, and went all over the Cape, conducting funeral + services—which seemed to be the one thing people thought I could do—and + preaching funeral sermons. Besides the victims of the sea, many of the + residents who had drifted away were brought back to sleep their last sleep + within sound of the waves. Once I asked an old sea-captain why so many + Cape Cod men and women who had been gone for years asked to be buried near + their old homes, and his reply still lingers in my memory. He poked his + toe in the sand for a moment and then said, slowly: + </p> + <p> + "Wal, I reckon it's because the Cape has such warm, comfortable sand to + lie down in." + </p> + <p> + My friend Mrs. Addy lay in the Crowell family lot, and during my pastorate + at East Dennis I preached the funeral sermon of her father, and later of + her mother. Long after I had left Cape Cod I was frequently called back to + say the last words over the coffins of my old friends, and the saddest of + those journeys was the one I made in response to a telegram from the + mother of Relief Paine. When I had arrived and we stood together beside + the exquisite figure that seemed hardly more quiet in death than in life, + Mrs. Paine voiced in her few words the feeling of the whole community—"Where + shall we get our comfort and our inspiration, now that Relief is gone?" + </p> + <p> + The funeral which took all my courage from me, however, was that of my + sister Mary. In its suddenness, Mary's death, in 1883, was as a + thunderbolt from the blue; for she had been in perfect health three days + before she passed away. I was still in charge of my two parishes in Cape + Cod, but, as it mercifully happened, before she was stricken I had started + West to visit Mary in her home at Big Rapids. When I arrived on the second + day of her illness, knowing nothing of it until I reached her, I found her + already past hope. Her disease was pneumonia, but she was conscious to the + end, and her greatest desire seemed to be to see me christen her little + daughter and her husband before she left them. This could not be realized, + for my brotherin-law was absent on business, and with all his haste in + returning did not reach his wife's side until after her death. As his one + thought then was to carry out her last wishes, I christened him and his + little girl just before the funeral; and during the ceremony we all + experienced a deep conviction that Mary knew and was content. + </p> + <p> + She had become a power in her community, and was so dearly loved that on + the day her body was borne to its last resting-place all the business + houses in Big Rapids were closed, and the streets were filled with men who + stood with bent, uncovered heads as the funeral procession went by. My + father and mother, also, to whom she had given a home after they left the + log-cabin where they had lived so long, had made many friends in their new + environment and were affectionately known throughout the whole region as + "Grandma and Grandpa Shaw." + </p> + <p> + When I returned to East Dennis I brought my mother and Mary's three + children with me, and they remained throughout the spring and summer. I + had hoped that they would remain permanently, and had rented and furnished + a home for them with that end in view; but, though they enjoyed their + visit, the prospect of the bleak winters of Cape Cod disturbed my mother, + and they all returned to Big Rapids late in the autumn. Since entering + upon my parish work it had been possible for me to help my father and + mother financially; and from the time of Mary's death I had the privilege, + a very precious one, of seeing that they were well cared for and + contented. They were always appreciative, and as time passed they became + more reconciled to the career I had chosen, and which in former days had + filled them with such dire forebodings. + </p> + <p> + After I had been in East Dennis four years I began to feel that I was + getting into a rut. It seemed to me that all I could do in that particular + field had been done. My people wished me to remain, however, and so, + partly as an outlet for my surplus energy, but more especially because I + realized the splendid work women could do as physicians, I began to study + medicine. The trustees gave me permission to go to Boston on certain days + of each week, and we soon found that I could carry on my work as a medical + student without in the least neglecting my duty toward my parish. + </p> + <p> + I entered the Boston Medical School in 1882, and obtained my diploma as a + full-fledged physician in 1885. During this period I also began to lecture + for the Massachusetts Woman Suffrage Association, of which Lucy Stone was + president. Henry Blackwell was associated with her, and together they + developed in me a vital interest in the suffrage cause, which grew + steadily from that time until it became the dominating influence in my + life. I preached it in the pulpit, talked it to those I met outside of the + church, lectured on it whenever I had an opportunity, and carried it into + my medical work in the Boston slums when I was trying my prentice hand on + helpless pauper patients. + </p> + <p> + Here again, in my association with the women of the streets, I realized + the limitations of my work in the ministry and in medicine. As minister to + soul and body one could do little for these women. For such as them, one's + efforts must begin at the very foundation of the social structure. Laws + for them must be made and enforced, and some of those laws could only be + made and enforced by women. So many great avenues of life were opening up + before me that my Cape Cod environment seemed almost a prison where I was + held with tender force. I loved my people and they loved me—but the + big outer world was calling, and I could not close my ears to its summons. + The suffrage lectures helped to keep me contented, however, and I was + certainly busy enough to find happiness in my work. + </p> + <p> + I was in Boston three nights a week, and during these nights subject to + sick calls at any hour. My favorite associates were Dr. Caroline Hastings, + our professor of anatomy, and little Dr. Mary Safford, a mite of a woman + with an indomitable soul. Dr. Safford was especially prominent in + philanthropic work in Massachusetts, and it was said of her that at any + hour of the day or night she could be found working in the slums of + Boston. I, too, could frequently be found there—often, no doubt, to + the disadvantage of my patients. I was quite famous in three Boston alleys—Maiden's + Lane, Fellows Court, and Andrews Court. It most fortunately happened that + I did not lose a case in those alleys, though I took all kinds, as I had + to treat a certain number of surgical and obstetrical cases in my course. + No doubt my patients and I had many narrow escapes of which we were + blissfully ignorant, but I remember two which for a long time afterward + continued to be features of my most troubled dreams. + </p> + <p> + The first was that of a big Irishman who had pneumonia. When I looked him + over I was as much frightened as he was. I had got as far as pneumonia in + my course, and I realized that here was a bad case of it. I knew what to + do. The patient must be carefully packed in towels wrung out of cold + water. When I called for towels I found that there was nothing in the + place but a dish-towel, which I washed with portentous gravity. The man + owned but one shirt, and, in deference to my visit, his wife had removed + that to wash it. I packed the patient in the dish-towel, wrapped him in a + piece of an old shawl, and left after instructing his wife to repeat the + process. When I reached home I remembered that the patient must be packed + "carefully," and I knew that his wife would do it carelessly. That meant + great risk to the man's life. My impulse was to rush back to him at once, + but this would never do. It would destroy all confidence in the doctor. I + walked the floor for three hours, and then casually strolled in upon my + patient, finding him, to my great relief, better than I had left him. As I + was leaving, a child rushed into the room, begging me to come to an upper + floor in the same building. + </p> + <p> + "The baby's got the croup," she gasped, "an' he's chokin' to death." + </p> + <p> + We had not reached croup in our course, and I had no idea what to do, but + I valiantly accompanied the little girl. As we climbed the long flights of + stairs to the top floor I remembered a conversation I had overheard + between two medical students. One of them had said: "If the child is + strangling when it inhales, as if it were breathing through a sponge, then + give it spongia; but if it is strangling when it breathes out, give it + aconite." + </p> + <p> + When I reached the baby I listened, but could not tell which way it was + strangling. However, I happened to have both medicines with me, so I + called for two glasses and mixed the two remedies, each in its own glass. + I gave them both to the mother, and told her to use them alternately, + every fifteen minutes, until the baby was better. The baby got well; but + whether its recovery was due to the spongia or to the aconite I never + knew. + </p> + <p> + In my senior year I fell in love with an infant of three, named Patsy. He + was one of nine children when I was called to deliver his mother of her + tenth child. She was drunk when I reached her, and so were two men who lay + on the floor in the same room. I had them carried out, and after the + mother and baby had been attended to I noticed Patsy. He was the most + beautiful child I had ever seen—with eyes like Italian skies and + yellow hair in tight curls over his adorable little head; but he was + covered with filthy rags. I borrowed him, took him home with me, and fed + and bathed him, and the next day fitted him out with new clothes. Every + hour I had him tightened his hold on my heart-strings. I went to his + mother and begged her to let me keep him, but she refused, and after a + great deal of argument and entreaty I had to return him to her. When I + went to see him a few days later I found him again in his horrible rags. + His mother had pawned his new clothes for drink, and she was deeply under + its influence. But no pressure I could exert then or later would make her + part with Patsy. Finally, for my own peace of mind, I had to give up hope + of getting him—but I have never ceased to regret the little adopted + son I might have had. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0009" id="link2H_4_0009"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VII. THE GREAT CAUSE + </h2> + <p> + There is a theory that every seven years each human being undergoes a + complete physical reconstruction, with corresponding changes in his mental + and spiritual make-up. Possibly it was due to this reconstruction that, at + the end of seven years on Cape Cod, my soul sent forth a sudden call to + arms. I was, it reminded me, taking life too easily; I was in danger of + settling into an agreeable routine. The work of my two churches made + little drain on my superabundant vitality, and not even the winning of a + medical degree and the increasing demands of my activities on the lecture + platform wholly eased my conscience. I was happy, for I loved my people + and they seemed to love me. It would have been pleasant to go on almost + indefinitely, living the life of a country minister and telling myself + that what I could give to my flock made such a life worth while. + </p> + <p> + But all the time, deep in my heart, I realized the needs of the outside + world, and heard its prayer for workers. My theological and medical + courses in Boston, with the experiences that accompanied them, had greatly + widened my horizon. Moreover, at my invitation, many of the noble women of + the day were coming to East Dennis to lecture, bringing with them the + stirring atmosphere of the conflicts they were waging. One of the first of + these was my friend Mary A. Livermore; and after her came Julia Ward Howe, + Anna Garlin Spencer, Lucy Stone, Mary F. Eastman, and many others, each + charged with inspiration for my people and with a special message for me, + which she sent forth unknowingly and which I alone heard. They were + fighting great battles, these women—for suffrage, for temperance, + for social purity—and in every word they uttered I heard a + rallying-cry. So it was that, in 1885, I suddenly pulled myself up to a + radical decision and sent my resignation to the trustees of the two + churches whose pastor I had been since 1878. + </p> + <p> + The action caused a demonstration of regret which made it hard to keep to + my resolution and leave these men and women whose friendship was among the + dearest of my possessions. But when we had all talked things over, many of + them saw the situation as I did. No doubt there were those, too, who felt + that a change of ministry would be good for the churches. During the weeks + that followed my resignation I received many odd tributes, and of these + one of the most amusing came from a young girl in the parish, who broke + into loud protests when she heard that I was going away. To comfort her I + predicted that she would now have a man minister—doubtless a very + nice man. But the young person continued to sniffle disconsolately. + </p> + <p> + "I don't want a man," she wailed. "I don't like to see men in pulpits. + They look so awkward." Her grief culminated in a final outburst. "They're + all arms and legs!" she sobbed. + </p> + <p> + When my resignation was finally accepted, and the time of my departure + drew near, the men of the community spent much of their leisure in + discussing it and me. The social center of East Dennis was a certain + grocery, to which almost every man in town regularly wended his way, and + from which all the gossip of the town emanated. Here the men sat for + hours, tilted back in their chairs, whittling the rungs until they nearly + cut the chairs from under them, and telling one another all they knew or + had heard about their fellow-townsmen. Then, after each session, they + would return home and repeat the gossip to their wives. I used to say that + I would give a dollar to any woman in East Dennis who could quote a bit of + gossip which did not come from the men at that grocery. Even my old friend + Captain Doane, fine and high-minded citizen though he was, was not above + enjoying the mild diversion of these social gatherings, and on one + occasion at least he furnished the best part of the entertainment. The + departing minister was, it seemed, the topic of the day's discussion, and, + to tease Captain Doane one young man who knew the strength of his + friendship for me suddenly began to speak, then pursed up his lips and + looked eloquently mysterious. As he had expected, Captain Doane + immediately pounced on him. + </p> + <p> + "What's the matter with you?" demanded the old man. "Hev you got anything + agin Miss Shaw?" + </p> + <p> + The young man sighed and murmured that if he wished he could repeat a + charge never before made against a Cape Cod minister, but—and he + shut his lips more obviously. The other men, who were in the plot, + grinned, and this added the last touch to Captain Doane's indignation. He + sprang to his feet. One of his peculiarities was a constant misuse of + words, and now, in his excitement, he outdid himself. + </p> + <p> + "You've made an incineration against Miss Shaw," he shouted. "Do you hear—AN + INCINERATION! Take it back or take a lickin'!" + </p> + <p> + The young man decided that the joke had gone far enough, so he answered, + mildly: "Well, it is said that all the women in town are in love with Miss + Shaw. Has that been charged against any other minister here?" + </p> + <p> + The men roared with laughter, and Captain Doane sat down, looking + sheepish. + </p> + <p> + "All I got to say is this," he muttered: "That gal has been in this + community for seven years, and she 'ain't done a thing during the hull + seven years that any one kin lay a finger on!" + </p> + <p> + The men shouted again at this back-handed tribute, and the old fellow left + the grocery in a huff. Later I was told of the "incineration" and his + eloquent defense of me, and I thanked him for it. But I added: + </p> + <p> + "I hear you said I haven't done a thing in seven years that any one can + lay a finger on?" + </p> + <p> + "I said it," declared the Captain, "and I'll stand by it." + </p> + <p> + "Haven't I done any good?" I asked. + </p> + <p> + "Sartin you have," he assured me, heartily. "Lots of good." + </p> + <p> + "Well," I said, "can't you put your finger on that?" + </p> + <p> + The Captain looked startled. "Why—why—Sister Shaw," he + stammered, "you know I didn't mean THAT! What I meant," he repeated, + slowly and solemnly, "was that the hull time you been here you ain't done + nothin' anybody could put a finger on!" + </p> + <p> + Captain Doane apparently shared my girl parishioner's prejudice against + men in the pulpit, for long afterward, on one of my visits to Cape Cod, he + admitted that he now went to church very rarely. + </p> + <p> + "When I heard you preach," he explained, "I gen'ally followed you through + and I knowed where you was a-comin' out. But these young fellers that come + from the theological school—why, Sister Shaw, the Lord Himself don't + know where they're comin' out!" + </p> + <p> + For a moment he pondered. Then he uttered a valedictory which I have + always been glad to recall as his last message, for I never saw him again. + </p> + <p> + "When you fust come to us," he said, "you had a lot of crooked places, an' + we had a lot of crooked places; and we kind of run into each other, all of + us. But before you left, Sister Shaw, why, all the crooked places was wore + off and everything was as smooth as silk." + </p> + <p> + "Yes," I agreed, "and that was the time to leave—when everything was + running smoothly." + </p> + <p> + All is changed on Cape Cod since those days, thirty years ago. The old + families have died or moved away, and those who replaced them were of a + different type. I am happy in having known and loved the Cape as it was, + and in having gathered there a store of delightful memories. In later + strenuous years it has rested me merely to think of the place, and long + afterward I showed my continued love of it by building a home there, which + I still possess. But I had little time to rest in this or in my Moylan + home, of which I shall write later, for now I was back in Boston, living + my new life, and each crowded hour brought me more to do. + </p> + <p> + We were entering upon a deeply significant period. For the first time + women were going into industrial competition with men, and already men + were intensely resenting their presence. Around me I saw women overworked + and underpaid, doing men's work at half men's wages, not because their + work was inferior, but because they were women. Again, too, I studied the + obtrusive problems of the poor and of the women of the streets; and, + looking at the whole social situation from every angle, I could find but + one solution for women—the removal of the stigma of + disfranchisement. As man's equal before the law, woman could demand her + rights, asking favors from no one. With all my heart I joined in the + crusade of the men and women who were fighting for her. My real work had + begun. + </p> + <p> + Naturally, at this period, I frequently met the members of Boston's most + inspiring group—the Emersons and John Greenleaf Whittier, James + Freeman Clark, Reverend Minot Savage, Bronson Alcott and his daughter + Louisa, Wendell Phillips, William Lloyd Garrison, Stephen Foster, Theodore + Weld, and the rest. Of them all, my favorite was Whittier. He had been + present at my graduation from the theological school, and now he often + attended our suffrage meetings. He was already an old man, nearing the end + of his life; and I recall him as singularly tall and thin, almost gaunt, + bending forward as he talked, and wearing an expression of great serenity + and benignity. I once told Susan B. Anthony that if I needed help in a + crowd of strangers that included her, I would immediately turn to her, + knowing from her face that, whatever I had done, she would understand and + assist me. I could have offered the same tribute to Whittier. At our + meetings he was like a vesper-bell chiming above a battle-field. Garrison + always became excited during our discussions, and the others frequently + did; but Whittier, in whose big heart the love of his fellow-man burned as + unquenchably as in any heart there, always preserved his exquisite + tranquillity. + </p> + <p> + Once, I remember, Stephen Foster insisted on having the word "tyranny" put + into a resolution, stating that women were deprived of suffrage by the + TYRANNY of men. Mr. Garrison objected, and the debate that followed was + the most exciting I have ever heard. The combatants actually had to + adjourn before they could calm down sufficiently to go on with their + meeting. Knowing the stimulating atmosphere to which he had grown + accustomed, I was not surprised to have Theodore Weld explain to me; long + afterward, why he no longer attended suffrage meetings. + </p> + <p> + "Oh," he said, "why should I go? There hasn't been any one mobbed in + twenty years!" + </p> + <p> + The Ralph Waldo Emersons occasionally attended our meetings, and Mr. + Emerson, at first opposed to woman suffrage, became a convert to it during + the last years of his life—a fact his son and daughter omitted to + mention in his biography. After his death I gave two suffrage lectures in + Concord, and each time Mrs. Emerson paid for the hall. At these lectures + Louisa M. Alcott graced the assembly with her splendid, wholesome + presence, and on both occasions she was surrounded by a group of boys. She + frankly cared much more for boys than for girls, and boys inevitably + gravitated to her whenever she entered a place where they were. When women + were given school suffrage in Massachusetts, Miss Alcott was the first + woman to vote in Concord, and she went to the polls accompanied by a group + of her boys, all ardently "for the Cause." My general impression of her + was that of a fresh breeze blowing over wide moors. She was as different + as possible from exquisite little Mrs. Emerson, who, in her daintiness and + quiet charm, suggested an old New England garden. + </p> + <p> + Of Abby May and Edna Cheney I retain a general impression of "bagginess"—of + loose jackets over loose waistbands, of escaping locks of hair, of bodies + seemingly one size from the neck down. Both women were utterly indifferent + to the details of their appearance, but they were splendid workers and + leading spirits in the New England Woman's Club. It was said to be the + trouble between Abby May and Kate Gannett Wells, both of whom stood for + the presidency of the club, that led to the beginning of the anti-suffrage + movement in Boston. Abby May was elected president, and all the + suffragists voted for her. Subsequently Kate Gannett Wells began her + anti-suffrage campaign. Mrs. Wells was the first anti-suffragist I ever + knew in this country. Before her there had been Mrs. Dahlgren, wife of + Admiral Dahlgren, and Mrs. William Tecumseh Sherman. On one occasion + Elizabeth Cady Stanton challenged Mrs. Dahlgren to a debate on woman + suffrage, and in the light of later events Mrs. Dahlgren's reply is + amusing. She declined the challenge, explaining that for anti-suffragists + to appear upon a public platform would be a direct violation of the + principle for which they stood—which was the protection of female + modesty! Recalling this, and the present hectic activity of the + anti-suffragists, one must feel that they have either abandoned their + principle or widened their views. For Julia Ward Howe I had an immense + admiration; but, though from first to last I saw much of her, I never felt + that I really knew her. She was a woman of the widest culture, interested + in every progressive movement. With all her big heart she tried to be a + democrat, but she was an aristocrat to the very core of her, and, despite + her wonderful work for others, she lived in a splendid isolation. Once + when I called on her I found her resting her mind by reading Greek, and + she laughingly admitted that she was using a Latin pony, adding that she + was growing "rusty." She seemed a little embarrassed by being caught with + the pony, but she must have been reassured by my cheerful confession that + if <i>I</i> tried to read either Latin or Greek I should need an English + pony. + </p> + <p> + Of Frances E. Willard, who frequently came to Boston, I saw a great deal, + and we soon became closely associated in our work. Early in our + friendship, and at Miss Willard's suggestion, we made a compact that once + a week each of us would point out to the other her most serious faults, + and thereby help her to remedy them; but we were both too sane to do + anything of the kind, and the project soon died a natural death. The + nearest I ever came to carrying it out was in warning Miss Willard that + she was constantly defying all the laws of personal hygiene. She never + rested, rarely seemed to sleep, and had to be reminded at the table that + she was there for the purpose of eating food. She was always absorbed in + some great interest, and oblivious to anything else, I never knew a woman + who could grip an audience and carry it with her as she could. She was + intensely emotional, and swayed others by their emotions rather than by + logic; yet she was the least conscious of her physical existence of any + one I ever knew, with the exception of Susan B. Anthony. Like "Aunt + Susan," Miss Willard paid no heed to cold or heat or hunger, to privation + or fatigue. In their relations to such trifles both women were disembodied + spirits. + </p> + <p> + Another woman doing wonderful work at this time was Mrs. Quincy Shaw, who + had recently started her day nurseries for the care of tenement children + whose mothers labored by the day. These nurseries were new in Boston, as + was the kindergarten system she also established. I saw the effect of her + work in the lives of the people, and it strengthened my growing conviction + that little could be done for the poor in a spiritual or educational way + until they were given a certain amount of physical comfort, and until more + time was devoted to the problem of prevention. Indeed, the more I studied + economic issues, the more strongly I felt that the position of most + philanthropists is that of men who stand at the bottom of a precipice + gathering up and trying to heal those who fall into it, instead of + guarding the top and preventing them from going over. + </p> + <p> + Of course I had to earn my living; but, though I had taken my medical + degree only a few months before leaving Cape Cod, I had no intention of + practising medicine. I had merely wished to add a certain amount of + medical knowledge to my mental equipment. The Massachusetts Woman Suffrage + Association, of which Lucy Stone was president, had frequently employed me + as a lecturer during the last two years of my pastorate. Now it offered me + a salary of one hundred dollars a month as a lecturer and organizer. + Though I may not have seemed so in these reminiscences, in which I have + written as freely of my small victories as of my struggles and failures, I + was a modest young person. The amount seemed too large, and I told Mrs. + Stone as much, after which I humbly fixed my salary at fifty dollars a + month. At the end of a year of work I felt that I had "made good"; then I + asked for and received the one hundred dollars a month originally offered + me. + </p> + <p> + During my second year Miss Cora Scott Pond and I organized and carried + through in Boston a great suffrage bazaar, clearing six thousand dollars + for the association—a large amount in those days. Elated by my share + in this success, I asked that my salary should be increased to one hundred + and twenty-five dollars a month—but this was not done. Instead, I + received a valuable lesson. It was freely admitted that my work was worth + one hundred and twenty-five dollars, but I was told that one hundred was + the limit which could be paid, and I was reminded that this was a good + salary for a woman. + </p> + <p> + The time seemed to have come to make a practical stand in defense of my + principles, and I did so by resigning and arranging an independent lecture + tour. The first month after my resignation I earned three hundred dollars. + Later I frequently earned more than that, and very rarely less. Eventually + I lectured under the direction of the Slaton Lecture Bureau of Chicago, + and later still for the Redpath Bureau of Boston. My experience with the + Redpath people was especially gratifying. Mrs. Livermore, who was their + only woman lecturer, was growing old and anxious to resign her work. She + saw in me a possible successor, and asked them to take me on their list. + They promptly refused, explaining that I must "make a reputation" before + they could even consider me. A year later they wrote me, making a very + good offer, which I accepted. It may be worth while to mention here that + through my lecture-work at this period I earned all the money I have ever + saved. I lectured night after night, week after week, month after month, + in "Chautauquas" in the summer, all over the country in the winter, + earning a large income and putting aside at that time the small surplus I + still hold in preparation for the "rainy day" every working-woman inwardly + fears. + </p> + <p> + I gave the public at least a fair equivalent for what it gave me, for I + put into my lectures all my vitality, and I rarely missed an engagement, + though again and again I risked my life to keep one. My special subjects, + of course, were the two I had most at heart-suffrage and temperance. For + Frances Willard, then President of the Woman's Christian Temperance Union, + had persuaded me to head the Franchise Department of that organization, + succeeding Ziralda Wallace, the mother of Gen. Lew Wallace; and Miss Susan + B. Anthony, who was beginning to study me closely, soon swung me into + active work with her, of which, later, I shall have much to say. But + before taking up a subject as absorbing to me as my friendship for and + association with the most wonderful woman I have ever known, it may be + interesting to record a few of my pioneer experiences in the + lecture-field. + </p> + <p> + In those days—thirty years ago—the lecture bureaus were wholly + regardless of the comfort of their lecturers. They arranged a schedule of + engagements with exactly one idea in mind—to get the lecturer from + one lecture-point to the next, utterly regardless of whether she had time + between for rest or food or sleep. So it happened that all-night journeys + in freight-cars, engines, and cabooses were casual commonplaces, while + thirty and forty mile drives across the country in blizzards and bitter + cold were equally inevitable. Usually these things did not trouble me. + They were high adventures which I enjoyed at the time and afterward loved + to recall. But there was an occasional hiatus in my optimism. + </p> + <p> + One night, for example, after lecturing in a town in Ohio, it was + necessary to drive eight miles across country to a tiny railroad station + at which a train, passing about two o'clock in the morning, was to be + flagged for me. When we reached the station it was closed, but my driver + deposited me on the platform and drove away, leaving me alone. The night + was cold and very dark. All day I had been feeling ill and in the evening + had suffered so much pain that I had finished my lecture with great + difficulty. Now toward midnight, in this desolate spot, miles from any + house, I grew alarmingly worse. I am not easily frightened, but that time + I was sure I was going to die. Off in the darkness, very far away, as it + seemed, I saw a faint light, and with infinite effort I dragged myself + toward it. To walk, even to stand, was impossible; I crawled along the + railroad track, collapsing, resting, going on again, whipping my will + power to the task of keeping my brain clear, until after a nightmare that + seemed to last through centuries I lay across the door of the switch-tower + in which the light was burning. The switchman stationed there heard the + cry I was able to utter, and came to my assistance. He carried me up to + his signal-room and laid me on the floor by the stove; he had nothing to + give me except warmth and shelter; but these were now all I asked. I sank + into a comatose condition shot through with pain. Toward two o'clock in + the morning he waked me and told me my train was coming, asking if I felt + able to take it. I decided to make the effort. He dared not leave his post + to help me, but he signaled to the train, and I began my progress back to + the station. I never clearly remembered how I got there; but I arrived and + was helped into a car by a brakeman. About four o'clock in the morning I + had to change again, but this time I was left at the station of a town, + and was there met by a man whose wife had offered me hospitality. He drove + me to their home, and I was cared for. What I had, it developed, was a + severe case of ptomaine poisoning, and I soon recovered; but even after + all these years I do not like to recall that night. + </p> + <p> + To be "snowed in" was a frequent experience. Once, in Minnesota, I was one + of a dozen travelers who were driven in an omnibus from a country hotel to + the nearest railroad station, about two miles away. It was snowing hard, + and the driver left us on the station platform and departed. Time passed, + but the train we were waiting for did not come. A true Western blizzard, + growing wilder every moment, had set in, and we finally realized that the + train was not coming, and that, moreover, it was now impossible to get + back to the hotel. The only thing we could do was to spend the night in + the railroad station. I was the only woman in the group, and my + fellow-passengers were cattlemen who whiled away the hours by smoking, + telling stories, and exchanging pocket flasks. The station had a telegraph + operator who occupied a tiny box by himself, and he finally invited me to + share the privacy of his microscopic quarters. I entered them very + gratefully, and he laid a board on the floor, covered it with an overcoat + made of buffalo-skins, and cheerfully invited me to go to bed. I went, and + slept peacefully until morning. Then we all returned to the hotel, the men + going ahead and shoveling a path. + </p> + <p> + Again, one Sunday, I was snowbound in a train near Faribault, and this + time also I was the only woman among a number of cattlemen. They were an + odoriferous lot, who smoked diligently and played cards without ceasing, + but in deference to my presence they swore only mildly and under their + breath. At last they wearied of their game, and one of them rose and came + to me. + </p> + <p> + "I heard you lecture the other night," he said, awkwardly, "and I've bin + tellin' the fellers about it. We'd like to have a lecture now." + </p> + <p> + Their card-playing had seemed to me a sinful thing (I was stricter in my + views then than I am to-day), and I was glad to create a diversion. I + agreed to give them a lecture, and they went through the train, which + consisted of two day coaches, and brought in the remaining passengers. A + few of them could sing, and we began with a Moody and Sankey hymn or two + and the appealing ditty, "Where is my wandering boy to-night?" in which + they all joined with special zest. Then I delivered the lecture, and they + listened attentively. When I had finished they seemed to think that some + slight return was in order, so they proceeded to make a bed for me. They + took the bottoms out of two seats, arranged them crosswise, and one man + folded his overcoat into a pillow. Inspired by this, two others + immediately donated their fur overcoats for upper and lower coverings. + When the bed was ready they waved me toward it with a most hospitable air, + and I crept in between the overcoats and slumbered sweetly until I was + aroused the next morning by the welcome music of a snow-plow which had + been sent from St. Paul to our rescue. To drive fifty or sixty miles in a + day to meet a lecture engagement was a frequent experience. I have been + driven across the prairies in June when they were like a mammoth + flower-bed, and in January when they seemed one huge snow-covered grave—my + grave, I thought, at times. Once during a thirty-mile drive, when the + thermometer was twenty degrees below zero, I suddenly realized that my + face was freezing. I opened my satchel, took out the tissue-paper that + protected my best gown, and put the paper over my face as a veil, tucking + it inside of my bonnet. When I reached my destination the tissue was a + perfect mask, frozen stiff, and I had to be lifted from the sleigh. I was + due on the lecture platform in half an hour, so I drank a huge bowl of + boiling ginger tea and appeared on time. That night I went to bed + expecting an attack of pneumonia as a result of the exposure, but I awoke + next morning in superb condition. I possess what is called "an iron + constitution," and in those days I needed it. + </p> + <p> + That same winter, in Kansas, I was chased by wolves, and though I had been + more or less intimately associated with wolves in my pioneer life in the + Michigan woods, I found the occasion extremely unpleasant. During the long + winters of my girlhood wolves had frequently slunk around our log cabin, + and at times in the lumber-camps we had even heard them prowling on the + roofs. But those were very different creatures from the two huge, + starving, tireless animals that hour after hour loped behind the cutter in + which I sat with another woman, who, throughout the whole experience, + never lost her head nor her control of our frantic horses. They were mad + with terror, for, try as they would, they could not outrun the grim things + that trailed us, seemingly not trying to gain on us, but keeping always at + the same distance, with a patience that was horrible. From time to time I + turned to look at them, and the picture they made as they came on and on + is one I shall never forget. They were so near that I could see their eyes + and slavering jaws, and they were as noiseless as things in a dream. At + last, little by little, they began to gain on us, and they were almost + within striking distance of the whip, which was our only weapon, when we + reached the welcome outskirts of a town and they fell back. + </p> + <p> + Some of the memories of those days have to do with personal encounters, + brief but poignant. Once when I was giving a series of Chautauqua + lectures, I spoke at the Chautauqua in Pontiac, Illinois. The State + Reformatory for Boys was situated in that town, and, after the lecture the + superintendent of the Reformatory invited me to visit it and say a few + words to the inmates. I went and spoke for half an hour, carrying away a + memory of the place and of the boys which haunted me for months. A year + later, while I was waiting for a train in the station at Shelbyville, a + lad about sixteen years old passed me and hesitated, looking as if he knew + me. I saw that he wanted to speak and dared not, so I nodded to him. + </p> + <p> + "You think you know me, don't you?" I asked, when he came to my side. + </p> + <p> + "Yes'm, I do know you," he told me, eagerly. "You are Miss Shaw, and you + talked to us boys at Pontiac last year. I'm out on parole now, but I + 'ain't forgot. Us boys enjoyed you the best of any show we ever had!" + </p> + <p> + I was touched by this artless compliment, and anxious to know how I had + won it, so I asked, "What did I say that the boys liked?" + </p> + <p> + The lad hesitated. Then he said, slowly, "Well, you didn't talk as if you + thought we were all bad." + </p> + <p> + "My boy," I told him, "I don't think you are all bad. I know better!" + </p> + <p> + As if I had touched a spring in him, the lad dropped into the seat by my + side; then, leaning toward me, he said, impulsively, but almost in a + whisper: + </p> + <p> + "Say, Miss Shaw, SOME OF US BOYS SAYS OUR PRAYERS!" + </p> + <p> + Rarely have I had a tribute that moved me more than that shy confidence; + and often since then, in hours of discouragement or failure, I have + reminded myself that at least there must have been something in me once to + make a lad of that age so open up his heart. We had a long and intimate + talk, from which grew the abiding interest I feel in boys today. + </p> + <p> + Naturally I was sometimes inconvenienced by slight misunderstandings + between local committees and myself as to the subjects of my lectures, and + the most extreme instance of this occurred in a town where I arrived to + find myself widely advertised as "Mrs. Anna Shaw, who whistled before + Queen Victoria"! Transfixed, I gaped before the billboards, and by reading + their additional lettering discovered the gratifying fact that at least I + was not expected to whistle now. Instead, it appeared, I was to lecture on + "The Missing Link." + </p> + <p> + As usual, I had arrived in town only an hour or two before the time fixed + for my lecture; there was the briefest interval in which to clear up these + painful misunderstandings. I repeatedly tried to reach the chairman who + was to preside at the entertainment, but failed. At last I went to the + hall at the hour appointed, and found the local committee there, + graciously waiting to receive me. Without wasting precious minutes in + preliminaries, I asked why they had advertised me as the woman who had + "whistled before Queen Victoria." + </p> + <p> + "Why, didn't you whistle before her?" they exclaimed in grieved surprise. + </p> + <p> + "I certainly did not," I explained. "Moreover, I was never called 'The + American Nightingale,' and I have never lectured on 'The Missing Link.' + Where DID you get that subject? It was not on the list I sent you." + </p> + <p> + The members of the committee seemed dazed. They withdrew to a corner and + consulted in whispers. Then, with clearing brow, the spokesman returned. + </p> + <p> + "Why," he said, cheerfully, "it's simple enough! We mixed you up with a + Shaw lady that whistles; and we've been discussing the missing link in our + debating society, so our citizens want to hear your views." + </p> + <p> + "But I don't know anything about the missing link," I protested, "and I + can't speak on it." + </p> + <p> + "Now, come," they begged. "Why, you'll have to! We've sold all our tickets + for that lecture. The whole town has turned out to hear it." + </p> + <p> + Then, as I maintained a depressed silence, one of them had a bright idea. + </p> + <p> + "I'll tell you how to fix it!" he cried. "Speak on any subject you please, + but bring in something about the missing link every few minutes. That will + satisfy 'em." + </p> + <p> + "Very well," I agreed, reluctantly. "Open the meeting with a song. Get the + audience to sing 'America' or 'The Star-spangled Banner.' That will give + me a few minutes to think, and I will see what can be done." + </p> + <p> + Led by a very nervous chairman, the big audience began to sing, and under + the inspiration of the music the solution of our problem flashed into my + mind. + </p> + <p> + "It is easy," I told myself. "Woman is the missing link in our government. + I'll give them a suffrage speech along that line." + </p> + <p> + When the song ended I began my part of the entertainment with a portion of + my lecture on "The Fate of Republics," tracing their growth and decay, and + pointing out that what our republic needed to give it a stable government + was the missing link of woman suffrage. I got along admirably, for every + five minutes I mentioned "the missing link," and the audience sat content + and apparently interested, while the members of the committee burst into + bloom on the platform. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0010" id="link2H_4_0010"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE-FIELD + </h2> + <p> + My most dramatic experience occurred in a city in Michigan, where I was + making a temperance campaign. It was an important lumber and shipping + center, and it harbored much intemperance. The editor of the leading + newspaper was with the temperance-workers in our fight there, and he had + warned me that the liquor people threatened to "burn the building over my + head" if I attempted to lecture. We were used to similar threats, so I + proceeded with my preparations and held the meeting in the town + skating-rink—a huge, bare, wooden structure. + </p> + <p> + Lectures were rare in that city, and rumors of some special excitement on + this occasion had been circulated; every seat in the rink was filled, and + several hundred persons stood in the aisles and at the back of the + building. Just opposite the speaker's platform was a small gallery, and + above that, in the ceiling, was a trap-door. Before I had been speaking + ten minutes I saw a man drop through this trap-door to the balcony and + climb from there to the main floor. As he reached the floor he shouted + "Fire!" and rushed out into the street. The next instant every person in + the rink was up and a panic had started. I was very sure there was no + fire, but I knew that many might be killed in the rush which was + beginning. So I sprang on a chair and shouted to the people with the full + strength of my lungs: + </p> + <p> + "There is no fire! It's only a trick! Sit down! Sit down!" + </p> + <p> + The cooler persons in the crowd at once began to help in this calming + process. + </p> + <p> + "Sit down!" they repeated. "It's all right! There's no fire! Sit down!" + </p> + <p> + It looked as if we had the situation in hand, for the people hesitated, + and most of them grew quiet; but just then a few words were hissed up to + me that made my heart stop beating. A member of our local committee was + standing beside my chair, speaking in a terrified whisper: + </p> + <p> + "There IS a fire, Miss Shaw," he said. "For God's sake get the people out—QUICKLY!" + </p> + <p> + The shock was so unexpected that my knees almost gave way. The people were + still standing, wavering, looking uncertainly toward us. I raised my voice + again, and if it sounded unnatural my hearers probably thought it was + because I was speaking so loudly. + </p> + <p> + "As we are already standing," I cried, "and are all nervous, a little + exercise will do us good. So march out, singing. Keep time to the music! + Later you can come back and take your seats!" + </p> + <p> + The man who had whispered the warning jumped into the aisle and struck up + "Jesus, Lover of My Soul." Then he led the march down to the door, while + the big audience swung into line and followed him, joining in the song. I + remained on the chair, beating time and talking to the people as they + went; but when the last of them had left the building I almost collapsed; + for the flames had begun to eat through the wooden walls and the clang of + the fire-engines was heard outside. + </p> + <p> + As soon as I was sure every one was safe, however, I experienced the most + intense anger I had yet known. My indignation against the men who had + risked hundreds of lives by setting fire to a crowded building made me + "see red"; it was clear that they must be taught a lesson then and there. + As soon as I was outside the rink I called a meeting, and the + Congregational minister, who was in the crowd, lent us his church and led + the way to it. Most of the audience followed us, and we had a wonderful + meeting, during which we were able at last to make clear to the people of + that town the character of the liquor interests we were fighting. That + episode did the temperance cause more good than a hundred ordinary + meetings. Men who had been indifferent before became our friends and + supporters, and at the following election we carried the town for + prohibition by a big majority. + </p> + <p> + There have been other occasions when our opponents have not fought us + fairly. Once, in an Ohio town, a group of politicians, hearing that I was + to lecture on temperance in the court-house on a certain night, took + possession of the building early in the evening, on the pretense of + holding a meeting, and held it against us. When, escorted by a committee + of leading women, I reached the building and tried to enter, we found that + the men had locked us out. Our audience was gathering and filling the + street, and we finally sent a courteous message to the men, assuming that + they had forgotten us and reminding them of our position. The messenger + reported that the men would leave "about eight," but that the room was + "black with smoke and filthy with tobacco-juice." We waited patiently + until eight o'clock, holding little outside meetings in groups, as our + audience waited with us. At eight we again sent our messenger into the + hall, and he brought back word that the men were "not through, didn't know + when they would be through, and had told the women not to wait." + </p> + <p> + Naturally, the waiting townswomen were deeply chagrined by this. So were + many men in the outside crowd. We asked if there was no other entrance to + the hall except through the locked front doors, and were told that the + judge's private room opened into it, and that one of our committee had the + key, as she had planned to use this room as a dressing and retiring room + for the speakers. After some discussion we decided to storm the hall and + take possession. Within five minutes all the women had formed in line and + were crowding up the back stairs and into the judge's room. There we + unlocked the door, again formed in line, and marched into the hall, + singing "Onward, Christian Soldiers!" + </p> + <p> + There were hundreds of us, and we marched directly to the platform, where + the astonished men got up to stare at us. More and more women entered, + coming up the back stairs from the street and filling the hall; and when + the men realized what it all meant, and recognized their wives, sisters, + and women friends in the throng, they sheepishly unlocked the front doors + and left us in possession, though we politely urged them to remain. We had + a great meeting that night! + </p> + <p> + Another reminiscence may not be out of place. We were working for a + prohibition amendment in the state of Pennsylvania, and the night before + election I reached Coatesville. I had just completed six weeks of + strenuous campaigning, and that day I had already conducted and spoken at + two big outdoor meetings. When I entered the town hall of Coatesville I + found it filled with women. Only a few men were there; the rest were + celebrating and campaigning in the streets. So I arose and said: + </p> + <p> + "I would like to ask how many men there are in the audience who intend to + vote for the amendment to-morrow?" + </p> + <p> + Every man in the hall stood up. + </p> + <p> + "I thought so," I said. "Now I intend to ask your indulgence. As you are + all in favor of the amendment, there is no use in my setting its claims + before you; and, as I am utterly exhausted, I suggest that we sing the + Doxology and go home!" + </p> + <p> + The audience saw the common sense of my position, so the people laughed + and sang the Doxology and departed. As we were leaving the hall one of + Coatesville's prominent citizens stopped me. + </p> + <p> + "I wish you were a man," he said. "The town was to have a big outdoor + meeting to-night, and the orator has failed us. There are thousands of men + in the streets waiting for the speech, and the saloons are sending them + free drinks to get them drunk and carry the town to-morrow." + </p> + <p> + "Why," I said, "I'll talk to them if you wish." + </p> + <p> + "Great Scott!" he gasped. "I'd be afraid to let you. Something might + happen!" + </p> + <p> + "If anything happens, it will be in a good cause," I reminded him. "Let us + go." + </p> + <p> + Down-town we found the streets so packed with men that the cars could not + get through, and with the greatest difficulty we reached the stand which + had been erected for the speaker. It was a gorgeous affair. There were + flaring torches all around it, and a "bull's-eye," taken from the head of + a locomotive, made an especially brilliant patch of light. The stand had + been erected at a point where the city's four principal streets meet, and + as far as I could see there were solid masses of citizens extending into + these streets. A glee-club was doing its best to help things along, and + the music of an organette, an instrument much used at the time in campaign + rallies, swelled the joyful tumult. As I mounted the platform the crowd + was singing "Vote for Betty and the Baby," and I took that song for my + text, speaking of the helplessness of women and children in the face of + intemperance, and telling the crowd the only hope of the Coatesville women + lay in the vote cast by their men the next day. + </p> + <p> + Directly in front of me stood a huge and extraordinarily repellent-looking + negro. A glance at him almost made one shudder, but before I had finished + my first sentence he raised his right arm straight above him and shouted, + in a deep and wonderfully rich bass voice, "Hallelujah to the Lamb!" From + that point on he punctuated my speech every few moments with good, + old-fashioned exclamations of salvation which helped to inspire the crowd. + I spoke for almost an hour. Three times in my life, and only three times, + I have made speeches that have satisfied me to the degree, that is, of + making me feel that at least I was giving the best that was in me. The + speech at Coatesville was one of those three. At the end of it the + good-natured crowd cheered for ten minutes. The next day Coatesville voted + for prohibition, and, rightly or wrongly, I have always believed that I + helped to win that victory. + </p> + <p> + Here, by the way, I may add that of the two other speeches which satisfied + me one was made in Chicago, during the World's Fair, in 1893, and the + other in Stockholm, Sweden, in 1912. The International Council of Women, + it will be remembered, met in Chicago during the Fair, and I was invited + to preach the sermon at the Sunday-morning session. The occasion was a + very important one, bringing together at least five thousand persons, + including representative women from almost every country in Europe, and a + large number of women ministers. These made an impressive group, as they + all wore their ministerial robes; and for the first time I preached in a + ministerial robe, ordered especially for that day. It was made of black + crepe de Chine, with great double flowing sleeves, white silk + undersleeves, and a wide white silk underfold down the front; and I may + mention casually that it looked very much better than I felt, for I was + very nervous. My father had come on to Chicago especially to hear my + sermon, and had been invited to sit on the platform. Even yet he was not + wholly reconciled to my public work, but he was beginning to take a deep + interest in it. I greatly desired to please him and to satisfy Miss + Anthony, who was extremely anxious that on that day of all days I should + do my best. + </p> + <p> + I gave an unusual amount of time and thought to that sermon, and at last + evolved what I modestly believed to be a good one. I never write out a + sermon in advance, but I did it this time, laboriously, and then memorized + the effort. The night before the sermon was to be delivered Miss Anthony + asked me about it, and when I realized how deeply interested she was I + delivered it to her then and there as a rehearsal. It was very late, and I + knew we would not be interrupted. As she listened her face grew longer and + longer and her lips drooped at the corners. Her disappointment was so + obvious that I had difficulty in finishing my recitation; but I finally + got through it, though rather weakly toward the end, and waited to hear + what she would say, hoping against hope that she had liked it better than + she seemed to. But Susan B. Anthony was the frankest as well as the + kindest of women. Resolutely she shook her head. + </p> + <p> + "It's no good, Anna," she said; firmly. "You'll have to do better. You've + polished and repolished that sermon until there's no life left in it. It's + dead. Besides, I don't care for your text." + </p> + <p> + "Then give me a text," I demanded, gloomily. + </p> + <p> + "I can't," said Aunt Susan. + </p> + <p> + I was tired and bitterly disappointed, and both conditions showed in my + reply. + </p> + <p> + "Well," I asked, somberly, "if you can't even supply a text, how do you + suppose I'm going to deliver a brand-new sermon at ten o'clock to-morrow + morning?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh," declared Aunt Susan, blithely, "you'll find a text." + </p> + <p> + I suggested several, but she did not like them. At last I said, "I have it—'Let + no man take thy crown.'" + </p> + <p> + "That's it!" exclaimed Miss Anthony. "Give us a good sermon on that text." + </p> + <p> + She went to her room to sleep the sleep of the just and the untroubled, + but I tossed in my bed the rest of the night, planning the points of the + new sermon. After I had delivered it the next morning I went to my father + to assist him from the platform. He was trembling, and his eyes were full + of tears. He seized my arm and pressed it. + </p> + <p> + "Now I am ready to die," was all he said. + </p> + <p> + I was so tired that I felt ready to die, too; but his satisfaction and a + glance at Aunt Susan's contented face gave me the tonic I needed. Father + died two years later, and as I was campaigning in California I was not + with him at the end. It was a comfort to remember, however, that in the + twilight of his life he had learned to understand his most difficult + daughter, and to give her credit for earnestness of purpose, at least, in + following the life that had led her away from him. After his death, and + immediately upon my return from California, I visited my mother, and it + was well indeed that I did, for within a few months she followed father + into the other world for which all of her unselfish life had been a + preparation. + </p> + <p> + Our last days together were perfect. Her attitude was one of serene and + cheerful expectancy, and I always think of her as sitting among the + primroses and bluebells she loved, which seemed to bloom unceasingly in + the windows of her room. I recall, too, with gratitude, a trifle which + gave her a pleasure out of all proportion to what I had dreamed it would + do. She had expressed a longing for some English heather, "not the + hot-house variety, but the kind that blooms on the hills," and I had + succeeded in getting a bunch for her by writing to an English friend. + </p> + <p> + Its possession filled her with joy, and from the time it came until the + day her eyes closed in their last sleep it was rarely beyond reach of her + hand. At her request, when she was buried we laid the heather on her heart—the + heart of a true and loyal woman, who, though her children had not known + it, must have longed without ceasing throughout her New World life for the + Old World of her youth. + </p> + <p> + The Scandinavian speech was an even more vital experience than the Chicago + one, for in Stockholm I delivered the first sermon ever preached by a + woman in the State Church of Sweden, and the event was preceded by an + amount of political and journalistic opposition which gave it an + international importance. I had also been invited by the Norwegian women + to preach in the State Church of Norway, but there we experienced + obstacles. By the laws of Norway women are permitted to hold all public + offices except those in the army, navy, and church—a rather + remarkable militant and spiritual combination. As a woman, therefore, I + was denied the use of the church by the Minister of Church Affairs. + </p> + <p> + The decision created great excitement and much delving into the law. It + then appeared that if the use of a State Church is desired for a minister + of a foreign country the government can give such permission. It was + thought that I might slip in through this loophole, and application was + made to the government. The reply came that permission could be received + only from the entire Cabinet; and while the Cabinet gentlemen were + feverishly discussing the important issue, the Norwegian press became + active, pointing out that the Minister of Church Affairs had arrogantly + assumed the right of the entire Cabinet in denying the application. The + charge was taken up by the party opposed to the government party in + Parliament, and the Minister of Church Affairs swiftly turned the whole + matter over to his conferees. + </p> + <p> + The Cabinet held a session, and by a vote of four to three decided NOT to + allow a woman to preach in the State Church. I am happy to add that of the + three who voted favorably on the question one was the Premier of Norway. + Again the newspapers grasped their opportunity—especially the organs + of the opposition party. My rooms were filled with reporters, while daily + the excitement grew. The question was brought up in Parliament, and I was + invited to attend and hear the discussion there. By this time every + newspaper in Scandinavia was for or against me; and the result of the + whole matter was that, though the State Church of Norway was not opened to + me, a most unusual interest had been aroused in my sermon in the State + Church of Sweden. When I arrived there to keep my engagement, not only was + the wonderful structure packed to its walls, but the waiting crowds in the + street were so large that the police had difficulty in opening a way for + our party. + </p> + <p> + I shall never forget my impression of the church itself when I entered it. + It will always stand forth in my memory as one of the most beautiful + churches I have ever visited. On every side were monuments of dead heroes + and statesmen, and the high, vaulted blue dome seemed like the open sky + above our heads. Over us lay a light like a soft twilight, and the great + congregation filled not only all the pews, but the aisles, the platform, + and even the steps of the pulpit. The ushers were young women from the + University of Upsala, wearing white university caps with black vizors, and + sashes in the university colors. The anthem was composed especially for + the occasion by the first woman cathedral organist in Sweden—the + organist of the cathedral in Gothenburg—and she had brought with her + thirty members of her choir, all of them remarkable singers. + </p> + <p> + The whole occasion was indescribably impressive, and I realized in every + fiber the necessity of being worthy of it. Also, I experienced a sensation + such as I had never known before, and which I can only describe as a + seeming complete separation of my physical self from my spiritual self. It + was as if my body stood aside and watched my soul enter that pulpit. There + was no uncertainty, no nervousness, though usually I am very nervous when + I begin to speak; and when I had finished I knew that I had done my best. + </p> + <p> + But all this is a long way from the early days I was discussing, when I + was making my first diffident bows to lecture audiences and learning the + lessons of the pioneer in the lecture-field. I was soon to learn more, for + in 1888 Miss Anthony persuaded me to drop my temperance work and + concentrate my energies on the suffrage cause. For a long time I + hesitated. I was very happy in my connection with the Woman's Christian + Temperance Union, and I knew that Miss Willard was depending on me to + continue it. But Miss Anthony's arguments were irrefutable, and she was + herself, as always, irresistible. + </p> + <p> + "You can't win two causes at once," she reminded me. "You're merely + scattering your energies. Begin at the beginning. Win suffrage for women, + and the rest will follow." As an added argument, she took me with her on + her Kansas campaign, and after that no further arguments were needed. From + then until her death, eighteen years later, Miss Anthony and I worked + shoulder to shoulder. + </p> + <p> + The most interesting lecture episode of our first Kansas campaign was my + debate with Senator John J. Ingalls. Before this, however, on our arrival + at Atchison, Mrs. Ingalls gave a luncheon for Miss Anthony, and Rachel + Foster Avery and I were also invited. Miss Anthony sat at the right of + Senator Ingalls, and I at his left, while Mrs. Ingalls, of course, adorned + the opposite end of her table. Mrs. Avery and I had just been entertained + for several days at the home of a vegetarian friend who did not know how + to cook vegetables, and we were both half starved. When we were invited to + the Ingalls home we had uttered in unison a joyous cry, "Now we shall have + something to eat!" At the luncheon, however, Senator Ingalls kept Miss + Anthony and me talking steadily. He was not in favor of suffrage for + women, but he wished to know all sorts of things about the Cause, and we + were anxious to have him know them. The result was that I had time for + only an occasional mouthful, while down at the end of the table Mrs. Avery + ate and ate, pausing only to send me glances of heartfelt sympathy. Also, + whenever she had an especially toothsome morsel on the end of her fork she + wickedly succeeded in catching my eye and thus adding the last sybaritic + touch to her enjoyment. + </p> + <p> + Notwithstanding the wealth of knowledge we had bestowed upon him, or + perhaps because of it, the following night Senator Ingalls made his famous + speech against suffrage, and it fell to my lot to answer him. In the + course of his remarks he asked this question: "Would you like to add three + million illiterate voters to the large body of illiterate voters we have + in America to-day?" The audience applauded light-heartedly, but I was + disturbed by the sophistry of the question. One of Senator Ingalls's most + discussed personal peculiarities was the parting of his hair in the + middle. Cartoonists and newspaper writers always made much of this, so + when I rose to reply I felt justified in mentioning it. + </p> + <p> + "Senator Ingalls," I began, "parts his hair in the middle, as we all know, + but he makes up for it by parting his figures on one side. Last night he + gave you the short side of his figures. At the present time there are in + the United States about eighteen million women of voting age. When the + Senator asked whether you wanted three million additional illiterate women + voters, he forgot to ask also if you didn't want fifteen million + additional intelligent women voters! We will grant that it will take the + votes of three million intelligent women to wipe out the votes of three + million illiterate women. But don't forget that that would still leave us + twelve million intelligent votes to the good!" + </p> + <p> + The audience applauded as gaily as it had applauded Senator Ingalls when + he spoke on the other side, and I continued: + </p> + <p> + "Now women have always been generous to men. So of our twelve million + intelligent voters we will offer four million to offset the votes of the + four million illiterate men in this country—and then we will still + have eight million intelligent votes to add to the other intelligent votes + which are cast." The audience seemed to enjoy this. + </p> + <p> + "The anti-suffragists are fairly safe," I ended, "as long as they remain + on the plane of prophecy. But as soon as they tackle mathematics they get + into trouble!" + </p> + <p> + Miss Anthony was much pleased by the wide publicity given to this debate, + but Senator Ingalls failed to share her enthusiasm. + </p> + <p> + It was shortly after this encounter that I had two traveling experiences + which nearly cost me my life. One of them occurred in Ohio at the time of + a spring freshet. I know of no state that can cover itself with water as + completely as Ohio can, and for no apparent reason. On this occasion it + was breaking its own record. We had driven twenty miles across country in + a buggy which was barely out of the water, and behind horses that at times + were almost forced to swim, and when we got near the town where I was to + lecture, though still on the opposite side of the river from it, we + discovered that the bridge was gone. We had a good view of the town, + situated high and dry on a steep bank; but the river which rolled between + us and that town was a roaring, boiling stream, and the only possible way + to cross it, I found, was to walk over a railroad trestle, already + trembling under the force of the water. + </p> + <p> + There were hundreds of men on the river-bank watching the flood, and when + they saw me start out on the empty trestle they set up a cheer that nearly + threw me off. The river was wide and the ties far apart, and the roar of + the stream below was far from reassuring; but in some way I reached the + other side, and was there helped off the trestle by what the newspapers + called "strong and willing hands." + </p> + <p> + Another time, in a desperate resolve to meet a lecture engagement, I + walked across the railroad trestle at Elmira, New York, and when I was + halfway over I heard shouts of warning to turn back, as a train was + coming. The trestle was very high at that point, and I realized that if I + turned and faced an oncoming train I would undoubtedly lose my nerve and + fall. So I kept on, as rapidly as I could, accompanied by the shrieks of + those who objected to witnessing a violent death, and I reached the end of + the trestle just as an express-train thundered on the beginning of it. The + next instant a policeman had me by the shoulders and was shaking me as if + I had been a bad child. + </p> + <p> + "If you ever do such a thing again," he thundered, "I'll lock you up!" + </p> + <p> + As soon as I could speak I assured him fervently that I never would; one + such experience was all I desired. + </p> + <p> + Occasionally a flash of humor, conscious or unconscious, lit up the gloom + of a trying situation. Thus, in Parkersburg, West Virginia, the train I + was on ran into a coal-car. I was sitting in a sleeper, leaning back + comfortably with my feet on the seat in front of me, and the force of the + collision lifted me up, turned me completely over, and deposited me, head + first, two seats beyond. On every side I heard cries and the crash of + human bodies against unyielding substances as my fellow-passengers flew + through the air, while high and clear above the tumult rang the voice of + the conductor: + </p> + <p> + "Keep your seats!" he yelled. "KEEP YOUR SEATS!" + </p> + <p> + Nobody in our car was seriously hurt; but, so great is the power of vested + authority, no one smiled over that order but me. + </p> + <p> + Many times my medical experience was useful. Once I was on a train which + ran into a buggy and killed the woman in it. Her little daughter, who was + with her, was badly hurt, and when the train had stopped the crew lifted + the dead woman and the injured child on board, to take them to the next + station. As I was the only doctor among the passengers, the child was + turned over to me. I made up a bed on the seats and put the little patient + there, but no woman in the car was able to assist me. The tragedy had made + them hysterical, and on every side they were weeping and nerveless. The + men were willing but inefficient, with the exception of one uncouth + woodsman whose trousers were tucked into his boots and whose hands were + phenomenally big and awkward. But they were also very gentle, as I + realized when he began to help me. I knew at once that he was the man I + needed, notwithstanding his unkempt hair, his general ungainliness, the + hat he wore on the back of his head, and the pink carnation in his + buttonhole, which, by its very incongruity, added the final accent to his + unprepossessing appearance. Together we worked over the child, making it + as comfortable as we could. It was hardly necessary to tell my aide what I + wanted done; he seemed to know and even to anticipate my efforts. + </p> + <p> + When we reached the next station the dead woman was taken out and laid on + the platform, and a nurse and doctor who had been telegraphed for were + waiting to care for the little girl. She was conscious by this time, and + with the most exquisite gentleness my rustic Bayard lifted her in his arms + to carry her off the train. Quite unnecessarily I motioned to him not to + let her see her dead mother. He was not the sort who needed that warning; + he had already turned her face to his shoulder, and, with head bent low + above her, was safely skirting the spot where the long, covered figure + lay. + </p> + <p> + Evidently the station was his destination, too, for he remained there; but + just as the train pulled out he came hurrying to my window, took the + carnation from his buttonhole, and without a word handed it to me. And + after the tragic hour in which I had learned to know him the crushed + flower, from that man, seemed the best fee I had ever received. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0011" id="link2H_4_0011"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IX. "AUNT SUSAN" + </h2> + <p> + In The Life of Susan B. Anthony it is mentioned that 1888 was a year of + special recognition of our great leader's work, but that it was also the + year in which many of her closest friends and strongest supporters were + taken from her by death. A. Bronson Alcott was among these, and Louisa M. + Alcott, as well as Dr. Lozier; and special stress is laid on Miss + Anthony's sense of loss in the diminishing circle of her friends—a + loss which new friends and workers came forward, eager to supply. + </p> + <p> + "Chief among these," adds the record, "was Anna Shaw, who, from the time + of the International Council in '88, gave her truest allegiance to Miss + Anthony." + </p> + <p> + It is true that from that year until Miss Anthony's death in 1906 we two + were rarely separated; and I never read the paragraph I have just quoted + without seeing, as in a vision, the figure of "Aunt Susan" as she slipped + into my hotel room in Chicago late one night after an evening meeting of + the International Council. I had gone to bed—indeed, I was almost + asleep when she came, for the day had been as exhausting as it was + interesting. But notwithstanding the lateness of the hour, "Aunt Susan," + then nearing seventy, was still as fresh and as full of enthusiasm as a + young girl. She had a great deal to say, she declared, and she proceeded + to say it—sitting in a big easy-chair near the bed, with a rug + around her knees, while I propped myself up with pillows and listened. + </p> + <p> + Hours passed and the dawn peered wanly through the windows, but still Miss + Anthony talked of the Cause always of the Cause—and of what we two + must do for it. The previous evening she had been too busy to eat any + dinner, and I greatly doubt whether she had eaten any luncheon at noon. + She had been on her feet for hours at a time, and she had held numerous + discussions with other women she wished to inspire to special effort. Yet, + after it all, here she was laying out our campaigns for years ahead, + foreseeing everything, forgetting nothing, and sweeping me with her in her + flight toward our common goal, until I, who am not easily carried off my + feet, experienced an almost dizzy sense of exhilaration. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly she stopped, looked at the gas-jets paling in the morning light + that filled the room, and for a fleeting instant seemed surprised. In the + next she had dismissed from her mind the realization that we had talked + all night. Why should we not talk all night? It was part of our work. She + threw off the enveloping rug and rose. + </p> + <p> + "I must dress now," she said, briskly. "I've called a committee meeting + before the morning session." + </p> + <p> + On her way to the door nature smote her with a rare reminder, but even + then she did not realize that it was personal. "Perhaps," she remarked, + tentatively, "you ought to have a cup of coffee." + </p> + <p> + That was "Aunt Susan." And in the eighteen years which followed I had + daily illustrations of her superiority to purely human weaknesses. To her + the hardships we underwent later, in our Western campaigns for woman + suffrage, were as the airiest trifles. Like a true soldier, she could + snatch a moment of sleep or a mouthful of food where she found it, and if + either was not forthcoming she did not miss it. To me she was an unceasing + inspiration—the torch that illumined my life. We went through some + difficult years together—years when we fought hard for each inch of + headway we gained—but I found full compensation for every effort in + the glory of working with her for the Cause that was first in both our + hearts, and in the happiness of being her friend. Later I shall describe + in more detail the suffrage campaigns and the National and International + councils in which we took part; now it is of her I wish to write—of + her bigness, her many-sidedness, her humor, her courage, her quickness, + her sympathy, her understanding, her force, her supreme common-sense, her + selflessness; in short, of the rare beauty of her nature as I learned to + know it. + </p> + <p> + Like most great leaders, she took one's best work for granted, and was + chary with her praise; and even when praise was given it usually came by + indirect routes. I recall with amusement that the highest compliment she + ever paid me in public involved her in a tangle from which, later, only + her quick wit extricated her. We were lecturing in an especially pious + town which I shall call B——, and just before I went on the + platform Miss Anthony remarked, peacefully: + </p> + <p> + "These people have always claimed that I am irreligious. They will not + accept the fact that I am a Quaker—or, rather, they seem to think a + Quaker is an infidel. I am glad you are a Methodist, for now they cannot + claim that we are not orthodox." + </p> + <p> + She was still enveloped in the comfort of this reflection when she + introduced me to our audience, and to impress my qualifications upon my + hearers she made her introduction in these words: + </p> + <p> + "It is a pleasure to introduce Miss Shaw, who is a Methodist minister. And + she is not only orthodox of the orthodox, but she is also my right bower!" + </p> + <p> + There was a gasp from the pious audience, and then a roar of laughter from + irreverent men, in which, I must confess, I light-heartedly joined. For + once in her life Miss Anthony lost her presence of mind; she did not know + how to meet the situation, for she had no idea what had caused the + laughter. It bubbled forth again and again during the evening, and each + time Miss Anthony received the demonstration with the same air of puzzled + surprise. When we had returned to our hotel rooms I explained the matter + to her. I do not remember now where I had acquired my own sinful + knowledge, but that night I faced "Aunt Susan" from the pedestal of a + sophisticated worldling. + </p> + <p> + "Don't you know what a right bower is?" I demanded, sternly. + </p> + <p> + "Of course I do," insisted "Aunt Susan." "It's a right-hand man—the + kind one can't do without." + </p> + <p> + "It is a card," I told her, firmly—"a leading card in a game called + euchre." + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Susan" was dazed. "I didn't know it had anything to do with cards," + she mused, mournfully. "What must they think of me?" + </p> + <p> + What they thought became quite evident. The newspapers made countless + jokes at our expense, and there were significant smiles on the faces in + the audience that awaited us the next night. When Miss Anthony walked upon + the platform she at once proceeded to clear herself of the tacit charge + against her. + </p> + <p> + "When I came to your town," she began, cheerfully, "I had been warned that + you were a very religious lot of people. I wanted to impress upon you the + fact that Miss Shaw and I are religious, too. But I admit that when I told + you she was my right bower I did not know what a right bower was. I have + learned that, since last night." + </p> + <p> + She waited until the happy chortles of her hearers had subsided, and then + went on. + </p> + <p> + "It interests me very much, however," she concluded, "to realize that + every one of you seemed to know all about a right bower, and that I had to + come to your good, orthodox town to get the information." + </p> + <p> + That time the joke was on the audience. Miss Anthony's home was in + Rochester, New York, and it was said by our friends that on the rare + occasions when we were not together, and I was lecturing independently, + "all return roads led through Rochester." I invariably found some excuse + to go there and report to her. Together we must have worn out many + Rochester pavements, for "Aunt Susan's" pet recreation was walking, and + she used to walk me round and round the city squares, far into the night, + and at a pace that made policemen gape at us as we flew by. Some disrespectful + youth once remarked that on these occasions we suggested a race between a + ruler and a rubber ball—for she was very tall and thin, while I am + short and plump. To keep up with her I literally bounded at her side. + </p> + <p> + A certain amount of independent lecturing was necessary for me, for I had + to earn my living. The National American Woman Suffrage Association has + never paid salaries to its officers, so, when I became vice-president and + eventually, in 1904, president of the association, I continued to work + gratuitously for the Cause in these positions. Even Miss Anthony received + not one penny of salary for all her years of unceasing labor, and she was + so poor that she did not have a home of her own until she was + seventy-five. Then it was a very simple one, and she lived with the utmost + economy. I decided that I could earn my bare expenses by making one brief + lecture tour each year, and I made an arrangement with the Redpath Bureau + which left me fully two-thirds of my time for the suffrage work I loved. + </p> + <p> + This was one result of my all-night talk with Miss Anthony in Chicago, and + it enabled me to carry out her plan that I should accompany her in most of + the campaigns in which she sought to arouse the West to the need of + suffrage for women. From that time on we traveled and lectured together so + constantly that each of us developed an almost uncanny knowledge of the + other's mental processes. At any point of either's lecture the other could + pick it up and carry it on—a fortunate condition, as it sometimes + became necessary to do this. Miss Anthony was subject to contractions of + the throat, which for the moment caused a slight strangulation. On such + occasions—of which there were several—she would turn to me and + indicate her helplessness. Then I would repeat her last sentence, complete + her speech, and afterward make my own. + </p> + <p> + The first time this happened we were in Washington, and "Aunt Susan" + stopped in the middle of a word. She could not speak; she merely motioned + to me to continue for her, and left the stage. At the end of the evening a + prominent Washington man who had been in our audience remarked to me, + confidentially: + </p> + <p> + "That was a nice little play you and Miss Anthony made to-night—very + effective indeed." + </p> + <p> + For an instant I did not catch his meaning, nor the implication in his + knowing smile. + </p> + <p> + "Very clever, that strangling bit, and your going on with the speech," he + repeated. "It hit the audience hard." + </p> + <p> + "Surely," I protested, "you don't think it was a deliberate thing—that + we planned or rehearsed it." + </p> + <p> + He stared at me incredulously. "Are you going to pretend," he demanded, + "that it wasn't a put-up job?" + </p> + <p> + I told him he had paid us a high compliment, and that we must really have + done very well if we had conveyed that impression; and I finally convinced + him that we not only had not rehearsed the episode, but that neither of us + had known what the other meant to say. We never wrote out our speeches, + but our subject was always suffrage or some ramification of suffrage, and, + naturally, we had thoroughly digested each other's views. + </p> + <p> + It is said by my friends that I write my speeches on the tips of my + fingers—for I always make my points on my fingers and have my + fingers named for points. When I plan a speech I decide how many points I + wish to make and what those points shall be. My mental preparation + follows. Miss Anthony's method was much the same; but very frequently both + of us threw over all our plans at the last moment and spoke + extemporaneously on some theme suggested by the atmosphere of the + gathering or by the words of another speaker. + </p> + <p> + From Miss Anthony, more than from any one else, I learned to keep cool in + the face of interruptions and of the small annoyances and disasters + inevitable in campaigning. Often we were able to help each other out of + embarrassing situations, and one incident of this kind occurred during our + campaign in South Dakota. We were holding a meeting on the hottest Sunday + of the hottest month in the year—August—and hundreds of the + natives had driven twenty, thirty, and even forty miles across the country + to hear us. We were to speak in a sod church, but it was discovered that + the structure would not hold half the people who were trying to enter it, + so we decided that Miss Anthony should speak from the door, in order that + those both inside and outside might hear her. To elevate her above her + audience, she was given an empty dry-goods box to stand on. + </p> + <p> + This makeshift platform was not large, and men, women, and children were + seated on the ground around it, pressing up against it, as close to the + speaker as they could get. Directly in front of Miss Anthony sat a woman + with a child about two years old—a little boy; and this infant, like + every one else in the packed throng, was dripping with perspiration and + suffering acutely under the blazing sun. Every woman present seemed to + have brought children with her, doubtless because she could not leave them + alone at home; and babies were crying and fretting on all sides. The + infant nearest Miss Anthony fretted most strenuously; he was a sturdy + little fellow with a fine pair of lungs, and he made it very difficult for + her to lift her voice above his dismal clamor. Suddenly, however, he + discovered her feet on the drygoods box, about on a level with his head. + They were clad in black stockings and low shoes; they moved about oddly; + they fascinated him. With a yelp of interest he grabbed for them and began + pinching them to see what they were. His howls ceased; he was happy. + </p> + <p> + Miss Anthony was not. But it was a great relief to have the child quiet, + so she bore the infliction of the pinching as long as she could. When + endurance had found its limit she slipped back out of reach, and as his + new plaything receded the boy uttered shrieks of disapproval. There was + only one way to stop his noise; Miss Anthony brought her feet forward + again, and he resumed the pinching of her ankles, while his yelps subsided + to contented murmurs. The performance was repeated half a dozen times. + Each time the ankles retreated the baby yelled. Finally, for once at the + end of her patience, "Aunt Susan" leaned forward and addressed the mother, + whose facial expression throughout had shown a complete mental detachment + from the situation. + </p> + <p> + "I think your little boy is hot and thirsty," she said, gently. "If you + would take him out of the crowd and give him a drink of water and unfasten + his clothes, I am sure he would be more comfortable." Before she had + finished speaking the woman had sprung to her feet and was facing her with + fierce indignation. + </p> + <p> + "This is the first time I have ever been insulted as a mother," she cried; + "and by an old maid at that!" Then she grasped the infant and left the + scene, amid great confusion. The majority of those in the audience seemed + to sympathize with her. They had not seen the episode of the feet, and + they thought Miss Anthony was complaining of the child's crying. Their + children were crying, too, and they felt that they had all been + criticized. Other women rose and followed the irate mother, and many men + gallantly followed them. It seemed clear that motherhood had been + outraged. + </p> + <p> + Miss Anthony was greatly depressed by the episode, and she was not + comforted by a prediction one man made after the meeting. + </p> + <p> + "You've lost at least twenty votes by that little affair," he told her. + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Susan" sighed. "Well," she said, "if those men knew how my ankles + felt I would have won twenty votes by enduring the torture as long as I + did." + </p> + <p> + The next day we had a second meeting. Miss Anthony made her speech early + in the evening, and by the time it was my turn to begin all the children + in the audience—and there were many—were both tired and + sleepy. At least half a dozen of them were crying, and I had to shout to + make my voice heard above their uproar. Miss Anthony remarked afterward + that there seemed to be a contest between me and the infants to see which + of us could make more noise. The audience was plainly getting restless + under the combined effect, and finally a man in the rear rose and added + his voice to the tumult. + </p> + <p> + "Say, Miss Shaw," he yelled, "don't you want these children put out?" + </p> + <p> + It was our chance to remove the sad impression of yesterday, and I grasped + it. + </p> + <p> + "No, indeed," I yelled back. "Nothing inspires me like the voice of a + child!" + </p> + <p> + A handsome round of applause from mothers and fathers greeted this noble + declaration, after which the blessed babies and I resumed our joint vocal + efforts. When the speech was finished and we were alone together, Miss + Anthony put her arm around my shoulder and drew me to her side. + </p> + <p> + "Well, Anna," she said, gratefully, "you've certainly evened us up on + motherhood this time." + </p> + <p> + That South Dakota campaign was one of the most difficult we ever made. It + extended over nine months; and it is impossible to describe the poverty + which prevailed throughout the whole rural community of the State. There + had been three consecutive years of drought. The sand was like powder, so + deep that the wheels of the wagons in which we rode "across country" sank + half-way to the hubs; and in the midst of this dry powder lay withered + tangles that had once been grass. Every one had the forsaken, desperate + look worn by the pioneer who has reached the limit of his endurance, and + the great stretches of prairie roads showed innumerable canvas-covered + wagons, drawn by starved horses, and followed by starved cows, on their + way "Back East." Our talks with the despairing drivers of these wagons are + among my most tragic memories. They had lost everything except what they + had with them, and they were going East to leave "the woman" with her + father and try to find work. Usually, with a look of disgust at his wife, + the man would say: "I wanted to leave two years ago, but the woman kept + saying, 'Hold on a little longer.'" + </p> + <p> + Both Miss Anthony and I gloried in the spirit of these pioneer women, and + lost no opportunity to tell them so; for we realized what our nation owes + to the patience and courage of such as they were. We often asked them what + was the hardest thing to bear in their pioneer life, and we usually + received the same reply: + </p> + <p> + "To sit in our little adobe or sod houses at night and listen to the + wolves howl over the graves of our babies. For the howl of the wolf is + like the cry of a child from the grave." + </p> + <p> + Many days, and in all kinds of weather, we rode forty and fifty miles in + uncovered wagons. Many nights we shared a one-room cabin with all the + members of the family. But the greatest hardship we suffered was the lack + of water. There was very little good water in the state, and the purest + water was so brackish that we could hardly drink it. The more we drank the + thirstier we became, and when the water was made into tea it tasted worse + than when it was clear. A bath was the rarest of luxuries. The only + available fuel was buffalo manure, of which the odor permeated all our + food. But despite these handicaps we were happy in our work, for we had + some great meetings and many wonderful experiences. + </p> + <p> + When we reached the Black Hills we had more of this genuine campaigning. + We traveled over the mountains in wagons, behind teams of horses, visiting + the mining-camps; and often the gullies were so deep that when our horses + got into them it was almost impossible to get them out. I recall with + special clearness one ride from Hill City to Custer City. It was only a + matter of thirty miles, but it was thoroughly exhausting; and after our + meeting that same night we had to drive forty miles farther over the + mountains to get the early morning train from Buffalo Gap. The trail from + Custer City to Buffalo Gap was the one the animals had originally made in + their journeys over the pass, and the drive in that wild region, + throughout a cold, piercing October night, was an unforgetable experience. + Our host at Custer City lent Miss Anthony his big buffalo overcoat, and + his wife lent hers to me. They also heated blocks of wood for our feet, + and with these protections we started. A full moon hung in the sky. The + trees were covered with hoar-frost, and the cold, still air seemed to + sparkle in the brilliant light. Again Miss Anthony talked to me throughout + the night—of the work, always of the work, and of what it would mean + to the women who followed us; and again she fired my soul with the flame + that burned so steadily in her own. + </p> + <p> + It was daylight when we reached the little station at Buffalo Gap where we + were to take the train. This was not due, however, for half an hour, and + even then it did not come. The station was only large enough to hold the + stove, the ticket-office, and the inevitable cuspidor. There was barely + room in which to walk between these and the wall. Miss Anthony sat down on + the floor. I had a few raisins in my bag, and we divided them for + breakfast. An hour passed, and another, and still the train did not come. + Miss Anthony, her back braced against the wall, buried her face in her + hands and dropped into a peaceful abyss of slumber, while I walked + restlessly up and down the platform. The train arrived four hours late, + and when eventually we had reached our destination we learned that the + ministers of the town had persuaded the women to give up the suffrage + meeting scheduled for that night, as it was Sunday. + </p> + <p> + This disappointment, following our all-day and all-night drive to keep our + appointment, aroused Miss Anthony's fighting spirit. She sent me out to + rent the theater for the evening, and to have some hand-bills printed and + distributed, announcing that we would speak. At three o'clock she made the + concession to her seventy years of lying down for an hour's rest. I was + young and vigorous, so I trotted around town to get somebody to preside, + somebody to introduce us, somebody to take up the collection, and somebody + who would provide music—in short, to make all our preparations for + the night meeting. + </p> + <p> + When evening came the crowd which had assembled was so great that men and + women sat in the windows and on the stage, and stood in the flies. Night + attractions were rare in that Dakota town, and here was something new. + Nobody went to church, so the churches were forced to close. We had a + glorious meeting. Both Miss Anthony and I were in excellent fighting trim, + and Miss Anthony remarked that the only thing lacking to make me do my + best was a sick headache. The collection we took up paid all our expenses, + the church singers sang for us, the great audience was interested, and the + whole occasion was an inspiring success. + </p> + <p> + The meeting ended about half after ten o'clock, and I remember taking Miss + Anthony to our hotel and escorting her to her room. I also remember that + she followed me to the door and made some laughing remark as I left for my + own room; but I recall nothing more until the next morning when she stood + beside me telling me it was time for breakfast. She had found me lying on + the cover of my bed, fully clothed even to my bonnet and shoes. I had + fallen there, utterly exhausted, when I entered my room the night before, + and I do not think I had even moved from that time until the moment—nine + hours later—when I heard her voice and felt her hand on my shoulder. + </p> + <p> + After all our work, we did not win Dakota that year, but Miss Anthony bore + the disappointment with the serenity she always showed. To her a failure + was merely another opportunity, and I mention our experience here only to + show of what she was capable in her gallant seventies. But I should + misrepresent her if I did not show her human and sentimental side as well. + With all her detachment from human needs she had emotional moments, and of + these the most satisfying came when she was listening to music. She knew + nothing whatever about music, but was deeply moved by it; and I remember + vividly one occasion when Nordica sang for her, at an afternoon reception + given by a Chicago friend in "Aunt Susan's" honor. As it happened, she had + never heard Nordica sing until that day; and before the music began the + great artiste and the great leader met, and in the moment of meeting + became friends. When Nordica sang, half an hour later, she sang directly + to Miss Anthony, looking into her eyes; and "Aunt Susan" listened with her + own eyes full of tears. When the last notes had been sung she went to the + singer and put both arms around her. The music had carried her back to her + girlhood and to the sentiment of sixteen. + </p> + <p> + "Oh, Nordica," she sighed, "I could die listening to such singing!" + </p> + <p> + Another example of her unquenchable youth has also a Chicago setting. + During the World's Fair a certain clergyman made an especially violent + stand in favor of closing the Fair grounds on Sunday. Miss Anthony took + issue with him. + </p> + <p> + "If I had charge of a young man in Chicago at this time," she told the + clergyman, "I would much rather have him locked inside the Fair grounds on + Sunday or any other day than have him going about on the outside." + </p> + <p> + The clergyman was horrified. "Would you like to have a son of yours go to + Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show on Sunday?" he demanded. + </p> + <p> + "Of course I would," admitted Miss Anthony. "In fact, I think he would + learn more there than from the sermons preached in some churches." + </p> + <p> + Later this remark was repeated to Colonel Cody ("Buffalo Bill"), who, of + course, was delighted with it. He at once wrote to Miss Anthony, thanking + her for the breadth of her views, and offering her a box for his "Show." + She had no strong desire to see the performance, but some of us urged her + to accept the invitation and to take us with her. She was always ready to + do anything that would give us pleasure, so she promised that we should go + the next afternoon. Others heard of the jaunt and begged to go also, and + Miss Anthony blithely took every applicant under her wing, with the result + that when we arrived at the box-office the next day there were twelve of + us in the group. When she presented her note and asked for a box, the + local manager looked doubtfully at the delegation. + </p> + <p> + "A box only holds six," he objected, logically. Miss Anthony, who had + given no thought to that slight detail, looked us over and smiled her + seraphic smile. + </p> + <p> + "Why, in that case," she said, cheerfully, "you'll have to give us two + boxes, won't you?" + </p> + <p> + The amused manager decided that he would, and handed her the tickets; and + she led her band to their places in triumph. When the performance began + Colonel Cody, as was his custom, entered the arena from the far end of the + building, riding his wonderful horse and bathed, of course, in the + effulgence of his faithful spot-light. He rode directly to our boxes, + reined his horse in front of Miss Anthony, rose in his stirrups, and with + his characteristic gesture swept his slouch-hat to his saddle-bow in + salutation. "Aunt Susan" immediately rose, bowed in her turn and, for the + moment as enthusiastic as a girl, waved her handkerchief at him, while the + big audience, catching the spirit of the scene, wildly applauded. It was a + striking picture this meeting of the pioneer man and woman; and, poor as I + am, I would give a hundred dollars for a snapshot of it. + </p> + <p> + On many occasions I saw instances of Miss Anthony's prescience—and + one of these was connected with the death of Frances E. Willard. "Aunt + Susan" had called on Miss Willard, and, coming to me from the sick-room, + had walked the floor, beating her hands together as she talked of the + visit. + </p> + <p> + "Frances Willard is dying," she exclaimed, passionately. "She is dying, + and she doesn't know it, and no one around her realizes it. She is lying + there, seeing into two worlds, and making more plans than a thousand women + could carry out in ten years. Her brain is wonderful. She has the most + extraordinary clearness of vision. There should be a stenographer in that + room, and every word she utters should be taken down, for every word is + golden. But they don't understand. They can't realize that she is going. I + told Anna Gordon the truth, but she won't believe it." + </p> + <p> + Miss Willard died a few days later, with a suddenness which seemed to be a + terrible shock to those around her. + </p> + <p> + Of "Aunt Susan's" really remarkable lack of selfconsciousness we who + worked close to her had a thousand extraordinary examples. Once, I + remember, at the New Orleans Convention, she reached the hall a little + late, and as she entered the great audience already assembled gave her a + tremendous reception. The exercises of the day had not yet begun, and Miss + Anthony stopped short and looked around for an explanation of the + outburst. It never for a moment occurred to her that the tribute was to + her. + </p> + <p> + "What has happened, Anna?" she asked at last. + </p> + <p> + "You happened, Aunt Susan," I had to explain. + </p> + <p> + Again, on the great "College Night" of the Baltimore Convention, when + President M. Carey Thomas of Bryn Mawr College had finished her wonderful + tribute to Miss Anthony, the audience, carried away by the speech and also + by the presence of the venerable leader on the platform, broke into a + whirlwind of applause. In this "Aunt Susan" artlessly joined, clapping her + hands as hard as she could. "This is all for you, Aunt Susan," I + whispered, "so it isn't your time to applaud." + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Susan" continued to clap. "Nonsense," she said, briskly. "It's not + for me. It's for the Cause—the Cause!" + </p> + <p> + Miss Anthony told me in 1904 that she regarded her reception in Berlin, + during the meeting of the International Council of Women that year, as the + climax of her career. She said it after the unexpected and wonderful + ovation she had received from the German people, and certainly throughout + her inspiring life nothing had happened that moved her more deeply. + </p> + <p> + For some time Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt, of whose splendid work for the + Cause I shall later have more to say, had cherished the plan of forming an + International Suffrage Alliance. She believed the time had come when the + suffragists of the entire world could meet to their common benefit; and + Miss Anthony, always Mrs. Catt's devoted friend and admirer, agreed with + her. A committee was appointed to meet in Berlin in 1904, just before the + meeting of the International Council of Women, and Miss Anthony was + appointed chairman of the committee. At first the plan of the committee + was not welcomed by the International Council; there was even a suspicion + that its purpose was to start a rival organization. But it met, a + constitution was framed, and officers were elected, Mrs. Catt—the + ideal choice for the place—being made president. As a climax to the + organization, a great public mass-meeting had been arranged by the German + suffragists, but at the special plea of the president of the International + Council Miss Anthony remained away from this meeting. It was represented + to her that the interests of the Council might suffer if she and other of + its leading speakers were also leaders in the suffrage movement. In the + interest of harmony, there fore, she followed the wishes of the Council's + president—to my great unhappiness and to that of other suffragists. + </p> + <p> + When the meeting was opened the first words of the presiding officer were, + "Where is Susan B. Anthony?" and the demonstration that followed the + question was the most unexpected and overwhelming incident of the + gathering. The entire audience rose, men jumped on their chairs, and the + cheering continued without a break for ten minutes. Every second of that + time I seemed to see Miss Anthony, alone in her hotel room, longing with + all her big heart to be with us, as we longed to have her. I prayed that + the loss of a tribute which would have meant so much might be made up to + her, and it was. Afterward, when we burst in upon her and told her of the + great demonstration the mere mention of her name had caused, her lips + quivered and her brave old eyes filled with tears. As we looked at her I + think we all realized anew that what the world called stoicism in Susan B. + Anthony throughout the years of her long struggle had been, instead, the + splendid courage of an indomitable soul—while all the time the + woman's heart had longed for affection and recognition. The next morning + the leading Berlin newspaper, in reporting the debate and describing the + spontaneous tribute to Miss Anthony, closed with these sentences: "The + Americans call her 'Aunt Susan.' She is our 'Aunt Susan,' too!" + </p> + <p> + Throughout the remainder of Miss Anthony's visit she was the most honored + figure at the International Council. Every time she entered the great + convention-hall the entire audience rose and remained standing until she + was seated; each mention of her name was punctuated by cheers; and the + enthusiasm when she appeared on the platform to say a few words was beyond + bounds. When the Empress of Germany gave her reception to the officers of + the Council, she crowned the hospitality of her people in a + characteristically gracious way. As soon as Miss Anthony was presented to + her the Empress invited her to be seated, and to remain seated, although + every one else, including the august lady herself, was standing. A little + later, seeing the intrepid warrior of eighty-four on her feet with the + other delegates, the Empress sent one of her aides across the room with + this message: "Please tell my friend Miss Anthony that I especially wish + her to be seated. We must not let her grow weary." + </p> + <p> + In her turn, Miss Anthony was fascinated by the Empress. She could not + keep her eyes off that charming royal lady. Probably the thing that most + impressed her was the ability of her Majesty as a linguist. Receiving + women from every civilized country on the globe, the Empress seemed to + address each in her own tongue-slipping from one language into the next as + easily as from one topic to another. + </p> + <p> + "And here I am," mourned "Aunt Susan," "speaking only one language, and + that not very well." + </p> + <p> + At this Berlin quinquennial, by the way, I preached the Council sermon, + and the occasion gained a certain interest from the fact that I was the + first ordained woman to preach in a church in Germany. It then took on a + tinge of humor from the additional fact that, according to the German law, + as suddenly revealed to us by the police, no clergyman was permitted to + preach unless clothed in clerical robes in the pulpit. It happened that I + had not taken my clerical robes with me—I am constantly forgetting + those clerical robes!—so the pastor of the church kindly offered me + his robes. + </p> + <p> + Now the pastor was six feet tall and broad in proportion, and I, as I have + already confessed, am very short. His robes transformed me into such an + absurd caricature of a preacher that it was quite impossible for me to + wear them. What, then, were we to do? Lacking clerical robes, the police + would not allow me to utter six words. It was finally decided that the + clergyman should meet the letter of the law by entering the pulpit in his + robes and standing by my side while I delivered my sermon. The law soberly + accepted this solution of the problem, and we offered the congregation the + extraordinary tableau of a pulpit combining a large and impressive pastor + standing silently beside a small and inwardly convulsed woman who had all + she could do to deliver her sermon with the solemnity the occasion + required. + </p> + <p> + At this same conference I made one of the few friendships I enjoy with a + member of a European royal family, for I met the Princess Blank of Italy, + who overwhelmed me with attention during my visit, and from whom I still + receive charming letters. She invited me to visit her in her castle in + Italy, and to accompany her to her mother's castle in Austria, and she + finally insisted on knowing exactly why I persistently refused both + invitations. + </p> + <p> + "Because, my dear Princess," I explained, "I am a working-woman." + </p> + <p> + "Nobody need KNOW that," murmured the Princess, calmly. + </p> + <p> + "On the contrary," I assured her, "it is the first thing I should + explain." + </p> + <p> + "But why?" the Princess wanted to know. + </p> + <p> + I studied her in silence for a moment. She was a new and interesting type + to me, and I was glad to exchange viewpoints with her. + </p> + <p> + "You are proud of your family, are you not?" I asked. "You are proud of + your great line?" + </p> + <p> + The Princess drew herself up. "Assuredly," she said. + </p> + <p> + "Very well," I continued. "I am proud, too. What I have done I have done + unaided, and, to be frank with you, I rather approve of it. My work is my + patent of nobility, and I am not willing to associate with those from whom + it would have to be concealed or with those who would look down upon it." + </p> + <p> + The Princess sighed. I was a new type to her, too, as new as she was to + me; but I had the advantage of her, for I could understand her point of + view, whereas she apparently could not follow mine. She was very gracious + to me, however, showing me kindness and friendship in a dozen ways, giving + me an immense amount of her time and taking rather more of my time than I + could spare, but never forgetting for a moment that her blood was among + the oldest in Europe, and that all her traditions were in keeping with its + honorable age. + </p> + <p> + After the Berlin meeting Miss Anthony and I were invited to spend a + week-end at the home of Mrs. Jacob Bright, that "Aunt Susan" might renew + her acquaintance with Annie Besant. This visit is among my most vivid + memories. Originally "Aunt Susan" had greatly admired Mrs. Besant, and had + openly lamented the latter's concentration on theosophical interests—when, + as Miss Anthony put it, "there are so many live problems here in this + world." Now she could not conceal her disapproval of the + "other-worldliness" of Mrs. Besant, Mrs. Bright, and her daughter. Some + remarkable and, to me, most amusing discussions took place among the + three; but often, during Mrs. Besant's most sustained oratorical flights, + Miss Anthony's interest would wander, and she would drop a remark that + showed she had not heard a word. She had a great admiration for Mrs. + Besant's intellect; but she disapproved of her flowing and picturesque + white robes, of her bare feet, of her incessant cigarette-smoking; above + all, of her views. At last, one day.{sic} the climax of the discussions + came. + </p> + <p> + "Annie," demanded "Aunt Susan," "why don't you make that aura of yours do + its gallivanting in this world, looking up the needs of the oppressed, and + investigating the causes of present wrongs? Then you could reveal to us + workers just what we should do to put things right, and we could be about + it." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Besant sighed and said that life was short and aeons were long, and + that while every one would be perfected some time, it was useless to deal + with individuals here. + </p> + <p> + "But, Annie!" exclaimed Miss Anthony, pathetically. "We ARE here! Our + business is here! It's our duty to do what we can here." + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Besant seemed not to hear her. She was in a trance, gazing into the + aeons. + </p> + <p> + "I'd rather have one year of your ability, backed up with common sense, + for the work of making this world better," cried the exasperated "Aunt + Susan," "than a million aeons in the hereafter!" + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Besant sighed again. It was plain that she could not bring herself + back from the other world, so Miss Anthony, perforce, accompanied her to + it. + </p> + <p> + "When your aura goes visiting in the other world," she asked, curiously, + "does it ever meet your old friend Charles Bradlaugh?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh yes," declared Mrs. Besant. "Frequently." + </p> + <p> + "Wasn't he very much surprised," demanded Miss Anthony, with growing + interest, "to discover that he was not dead?" + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Besant did not seem to know what emotion Mr. Bradlaugh had + experienced when that revelation came. + </p> + <p> + "Well," mused "Aunt Susan," "I should think he would have been surprised. + He was so certain he was going to be dead that it must have been + astounding to discover he wasn't. What was he doing in the other world?" + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Besant heaved a deeper sigh. "I am very much discouraged over Mr. + Bradlaugh," she admitted, wanly. "He is hovering too near this world. He + cannot seem to get away from his mundane interests. He is as much + concerned with parliamentary affairs now as when he was on this plane." + </p> + <p> + "Humph!" said Miss Anthony; "that's the most sensible thing I've heard yet + about the other world. It encourages me. I've always felt sure that if I + entered the other life before women were enfranchised nothing in the + glories of heaven would interest me so much as the work for women's + freedom on earth. Now," she ended, "I shall be like Mr. Bradlaugh. I shall + hover round and continue my work here." + </p> + <p> + When Mrs. Besant had left the room Mrs. Bright felt that it was her duty + to admonish "Aunt Susan" to be more careful in what she said. + </p> + <p> + "You are making too light of her creed," she expostulated. "You do not + realize the important position Mrs. Besant holds. Why, in India, when she + walks from her home to her school all those she meets prostrate + themselves. Even the learned men prostrate themselves and put their faces + on the ground as she goes by." + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Susan's" voice, when she replied, took on the tones of one who is + sorely tried. "But why in Heaven's name does any sensible Englishwoman + want a lot of heathen to prostrate themselves as she goes up the street?" + she demanded, wearily. "It's the most foolish thing I ever heard." + </p> + <p> + The effort to win Miss Anthony over to the theosophical doctrine was + abandoned. That night, after we had gone to our rooms, "Aunt Susan" summed + up her conclusions on the interview: + </p> + <p> + "It's a good thing for the world," she declared, "that some of us don't + know so much. And it's a better thing for this world that some of us think + a little earthly common sense is more valuable than too much heavenly + knowledge." + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0012" id="link2H_4_0012"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + X. THE PASSING OF "AUNT SUSAN" + </h2> + <p> + On one occasion Miss Anthony had the doubtful pleasure of reading her own + obituary notices, and her interest in them was characteristically naive. + She had made a speech at Lakeside, Ohio, during which, for the first time + in her long experience, she fainted on the platform. I was not with her at + the time, and in the excitement following her collapse it was rumored that + she had died. Immediately the news was telegraphed to the Associated Press + of New York, and from there flashed over the country. At Miss Anthony's + home in Rochester a reporter rang the bell and abruptly informed her + sister, Miss Mary Anthony, who came to the door, that "Aunt Susan" was + dead. Fortunately Miss Mary had a cool head. + </p> + <p> + "I think," she said, "that if my sister had died I would have heard about + it. Please have your editors telegraph to Lakeside." + </p> + <p> + The reporter departed, but came back an hour later to say that his + newspaper had sent the telegram and the reply was that Susan B. Anthony + was dead. + </p> + <p> + "I have just received a better telegram than that," remarked Mary Anthony. + "Mine is from my sister; she tells me that she fainted to-night, but soon + recovered and will be home to-morrow." + </p> + <p> + Nevertheless, the next morning the American newspapers gave much space to + Miss Anthony's obituary notices, and "Aunt Susan" spent some interesting + hours reading them. One that pleased her vastly was printed in the Wichita + Eagle, whose editor, Mr. Murdock, had been almost her bitterest opponent. + He had often exhausted his brilliant vocabulary in editorial denunciations + of suffrage and suffragists, and Miss Anthony had been the special target + of his scorn. But the news of her death seemed to be a bitter blow to him; + and of all the tributes the American press gave to Susan B. Anthony dead, + few equaled in beauty and appreciation the one penned by Mr. Murdock and + published in the Eagle. He must have been amused when, a few days later, + he received a letter from "Aunt Susan" herself, thanking him warmly for + his changed opinion of her and hoping that it meant the conversion of his + soul to our Cause. It did not, and Mr. Murdock, though never again quite + as bitter as he had been, soon resumed the free editorial expression of + his antisuffrage sentiments. Times have changed, however, and to-day his + son, now a member of Congress, is one of our strongest supporters in that + body. + </p> + <p> + In 1905 it became plain that Miss Anthony's health was failing. Her visits + to Germany and England the previous year, triumphant though they had been, + had also proved a drain on her vitality; and soon after her return to + America she entered upon a task which helped to exhaust her remaining + strength. She had been deeply interested in securing a fund of $50,000 to + enable women to enter Rochester University, and, one morning, just after + we had held a session of our executive committee in her Rochester home, + she read a newspaper announcement to the effect that at four o'clock that + afternoon the opportunity to admit women to the university would expire, + as the full fifty thousand dollars had not been raised. The sum of eight + thousand dollars was still lacking. + </p> + <p> + With characteristic energy, Miss Anthony undertook to save the situation + by raising this amount within the time limit. Rushing to the telephone, + she called a cab and prepared to go forth on her difficult quest; but + first, while she was putting on her hat and coat, she insisted that her + sister, Mary Anthony, should start the fund by contributing one thousand + dollars from her meager savings, and this Miss Mary did. "Aunt Susan" made + every second count that day, and by half after three o'clock she had + secured the necessary pledges. Several of the trustees of the university, + however, had not seemed especially anxious to have the fund raised, and at + the last moment they objected to one pledge for a thousand dollars, on the + ground that the man who had given it was very old and might die before the + time set to pay it; then his family, they feared, might repudiate the + obligation. Without a word Miss Anthony seized the pledge and wrote her + name across it as an indorsement. "I am good for it," she then said, + quietly, "if the gentleman who signed it is not." + </p> + <p> + That afternoon she returned home greatly fatigued. A few hours later the + girl students who had been waiting admission to the university came to + serenade her in recognition of her successful work for them, but she was + too ill to see them. She was passing through the first stage of what + proved to be her final breakdown. + </p> + <p> + In 1906, when the date of the annual convention of the National American + Woman Suffrage Association in Baltimore was drawing near, she became + convinced that it would be her last convention. She was right. She showed + a passionate eagerness to make it one of the greatest conventions ever + held in the history of the movement; and we, who loved her and saw that + the flame of her life was burning low, also bent all our energies to the + task of realizing her hopes. In November preceding the convention she + visited me and her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, in our home in Mount Airy, + Philadelphia, and it was clear that her anxiety over the convention was + weighing heavily upon her. She visibly lost strength from day to day. One + morning she said abruptly, "Anna, let's go and call on President M. Carey + Thomas, of Bryn Mawr." + </p> + <p> + I wrote a note to Miss Thomas, telling her of Miss Anthony's desire to see + her, and received an immediate reply inviting us to luncheon the following + day. We found Miss Thomas deep in the work connected with her new college + buildings, over which she showed us with much pride. Miss Anthony, of + course, gloried in the splendid results Miss Thomas had achieved, but she + was, for her, strangely silent and preoccupied. At luncheon she said: + </p> + <p> + "Miss Thomas, your buildings are beautiful; your new library is a marvel; + but they are not the cause of our presence here." + </p> + <p> + "No," Miss Thomas said; "I know you have something on your mind. I am + waiting for you to tell me what it is." + </p> + <p> + "We want your co-operation, and that of Miss Garrett," began Miss Anthony, + promptly, "to make our Baltimore Convention a success. We want you to + persuade the Arundel Club of Baltimore, the most fashionable club in the + city, to give a reception to the delegates; and we want you to arrange a + college night on the programme—a great college night, with the best + college speakers ever brought together." + </p> + <p> + These were large commissions for two extremely busy women, but both Miss + Thomas and Miss Garrett—realizing Miss Anthony's intense earnestness—promised + to think over the suggestions and see what they could do. The next morning + we received a telegram from them stating that Miss Thomas would arrange + the college evening, and that Miss Garrett would reopen her Baltimore + home, which she had closed, during the convention. She also invited Miss + Anthony and me to be her guests there, and added that she would try to + arrange the reception by the Arundel Club. + </p> + <p> + "Aunt Susan" was overjoyed. I have never seen her happier than she was + over the receipt of that telegram. She knew that whatever Miss Thomas and + Miss Garrett undertook would be accomplished, and she rightly regarded the + success of the convention as already assured. Her expectations were more + than realized. The college evening was undoubtedly the most brilliant + occasion of its kind ever arranged for a convention. President Ira Remsen + of Johns Hopkins University presided, and addresses were made by President + Mary E. Woolley of Mount Holyoke, Professor Lucy Salmon of Vassar, + Professor Mary Jordan of Smith, President Thomas herself, and many others. + </p> + <p> + From beginning to end the convention was probably the most notable yet + held in our history. Julia Ward Howe and her daughter, Florence Howe Hall, + were also guests of Miss Garrett, who, moreover, entertained all the + speakers of "College Night." Miss Anthony, now eighty-six, arrived in + Baltimore quite ill, and Mrs. Howe, who was ninety, was taken ill soon + after she reached there. The two great women made a dramatic exchange on + the programme, for on the first night, when Miss Anthony was unable to + speak, Mrs. Howe took her place, and on the second night, when Mrs. Howe + had succumbed, Miss Anthony had recovered sufficiently to appear for her. + Clara Barton was also an honored figure at the convention, and Miss + Anthony's joy in the presence of all these old and dear friends was + overflowing. With them, too, were the younger women, ready to take up and + carry on the work the old leaders were laying down; and "Aunt Susan," as + she surveyed them all, felt like a general whose superb army is passing in + review before him. At the close of the college programme, when the final + address had been made by Miss Thomas, Miss Anthony rose and in a few words + expressed her feeling that her life-work was done, and her consciousness + of the near approach of the end. After that night she was unable to + appear, and was indeed so ill that she was confined to her bed in Miss + Garrett's most hospitable home. Nothing could have been more thoughtful or + more beautiful than the care Miss Garrett and Miss Thomas bestowed on her. + They engaged for her one of the best physicians in Baltimore, who, in + turn, consulted with the leading specialists of Johns Hopkins, and they + also secured a trained nurse. This final attention required special tact, + for Miss Anthony's fear of "giving trouble" was so great that she was not + willing to have a nurse. The nurse, therefore, wore a housemaid's uniform, + and "Aunt Susan" remained wholly unconscious that she was being cared for + by one of the best nurses in the famous hospital. + </p> + <p> + Between sessions of the convention I used to sit by "Aunt Susan's" bed and + tell her what was going on. She was triumphant over the immense success of + the convention, but it was clear that she was still worrying over the + details of future work. One day at luncheon Miss Thomas asked me, + casually: + </p> + <p> + "By the way, how do you raise the money to carry on your work?" + </p> + <p> + When I told her the work was wholly dependent on voluntary contributions + and on the services of those who were willing to give themselves + gratuitously to it, Miss Thomas was greatly surprised. She and Miss + Garrett asked a number of practical questions, and at the end of our talk + they looked at each other. + </p> + <p> + "I don't think," said Miss Thomas, "that we have quite done our duty in + this matter." + </p> + <p> + The next day they invited a number of us to dinner, to again discuss the + situation; and they admitted that they had sat up throughout the previous + night, talking the matter over and trying to find some way to help us. + They had also discussed the situation with Miss Anthony, to her vast + content, and had finally decided that they would try to raise a fund of + $60,000, to be paid in yearly instalments of $12,000 for five years—part + of these annual instalments to be used as salaries for the active + officers. The mere mention of so large a fund startled us all. We feared + that it could not possibly be raised. But Miss Anthony plainly believed + that now the last great wish of her life had been granted. She was + convinced that Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett could accomplish anything—even + the miracle of raising $60,000 for the suffrage cause—and they did, + though "Aunt Susan" was not here to glory over the result when they had + achieved it. + </p> + <p> + On the 15th of February we left Baltimore for Washington, where Miss + Anthony was to celebrate her eighty-sixth birthday. For many years the + National American Woman Suffrage Association had celebrated our birthdays + together, as hers came on the 15th of the month and mine on the 14th. + There had been an especially festive banquet when she was seventy-four and + I was forty-seven, and our friends had decorated the table with floral + "4's" and "7's"—the centerpiece representing "74" during the first + half of the banquet, and "47" the latter half. This time "Aunt Susan" + should not have attempted the Washington celebration, for she was still + ill and exhausted by the strain of the convention. But notwithstanding her + sufferings and the warnings of her physicians, she insisted on being + present; so Miss Garrett sent the trained nurse to Washington with her, + and we all tried to make the journey the least possible strain on the + patient's vitality. + </p> + <p> + On our arrival in Washington we went to the Shoreham, where, as always, + the proprietor took pains to give Miss Anthony a room with a view of the + Washington monument, which she greatly admired. When I entered her room a + little later I found her standing at a window, holding herself up with + hands braced against the casement on either side, and so absorbed in the + view that she did not hear my approach. When I spoke to her she answered + without turning her head. + </p> + <p> + "That," she said, softly, "is the most beautiful monument in the world." + </p> + <p> + I stood by her side, and together we looked at it in silence I realizing + with a sick heart that "Aunt Susan" knew she was seeing it for the last + time. + </p> + <p> + The birthday celebration that followed our executive meeting was an + impressive one. It was held in the Church of Our Father, whose pastor, the + Rev. John Van Schaick, had always been exceedingly kind to Miss Anthony. + Many prominent men spoke. President Roosevelt and other statesmen sent + most friendly letters, and William H. Taft had promised to be present. He + did not come, nor did he, then or later, send any excuse for not coming—an + omission that greatly disappointed Miss Anthony, who had always admired + him. I presided at the meeting, and though we all did our best to make it + gay, a strange hush hung over the assemblage a solemn stillness, such as + one feels in the presence of death. We became more and more conscious that + Miss Anthony was suffering, and we hastened the exercises all we could. + When I read President Roosevelt's long tribute to her, Miss Anthony rose + to comment on it. + </p> + <p> + "One word from President Roosevelt in his message to Congress," she said, + a little wearily, "would be worth a thousand eulogies of Susan B. Anthony. + When will men learn that what we ask is not praise, but justice?" + </p> + <p> + At the close of the meeting, realizing how weak she was, I begged her to + let me speak for her. But she again rose, rested her hand on my shoulder, + and, standing by my side, uttered the last words she ever spoke in public, + pleading with women to consecrate themselves to the Cause, assuring them + that no power could prevent its ultimate success, but reminding them also + that the time of its coming would depend wholly on their work and their + loyalty. She ended with three words—very fitting words from her + lips, expressing as they did the spirit of her life-work—"FAILURE IS + IMPOSSIBLE." + </p> + <p> + The next morning she was taken to her home in Rochester, and one month + from that day we conducted her funeral services. The nurse who had + accompanied her from Baltimore remained with her until two others had been + secured to take her place, and every care that love or medical science + could suggest was lavished on the patient. But from the first it was plain + that, as she herself had foretold, "Aunt Susan's" soul was merely waiting + for the hour of its passing. + </p> + <p> + One of her characteristic traits was a dislike to being seen, even by + those nearest to her, when she was not well. During the first three weeks + of her last illness, therefore, I did what she wished me to do—I + continued our work, trying to do hers as well as my own. But all the time + my heart was in her sick-room, and at last the day came when I could no + longer remain away from her. I had awakened in the morning with a strong + conviction that she needed me, and at the breakfast-table I announced to + her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, the friend who for years has shared my home, + that I was going at once to "Aunt Susan." + </p> + <p> + "I shall not even wait to telegraph," I declared. "I am sure she has sent + for me; I shall take the first train." + </p> + <p> + The journey brought me very close to death. As we were approaching + Wilkes-Barre our train ran into a wagon loaded with powder and dynamite, + which had been left on the track. The horses attached to it had been + unhitched by their driver, who had spent his time in this effort, when he + saw the train coming, instead of in signaling to the engineer. I was on my + way to the dining-car when the collision occurred, and, with every one + else who happened to be standing, I was hurled to the floor by the impact; + flash after flash of blinding light outside, accompanied by a terrific + roar, added to the panic of the passengers. When the train stopped we + learned how narrow had been our escape from an especially unpleasant form + of death. The dynamite in the wagon was frozen, and therefore had not + exploded; it was the explosion of the powder that had caused the flashes + and the din. The dark-green cars were burned almost white, and as we stood + staring at them, a silent, stunned group, our conductor said, quietly, + "You will never be as near death again, and escape, as you have been + to-day." + </p> + <p> + The accident caused a long delay, and it was ten o'clock at night when I + reached Rochester and Miss Anthony's home. As I entered the house Miss + Mary Anthony rose in surprise to greet me. + </p> + <p> + "How did you get here so soon?" she cried. And then: "We sent for you this + afternoon. Susan has been asking for you all day." + </p> + <p> + When I reached my friend's bedside one glance at her face showed me the + end was near; and from that time until it came, almost a week later, I + remained with her; while again, as always, she talked of the Cause, and of + the life-work she must now lay down. The first thing she spoke of was her + will, which she had made several years before, and in which she had left + the small property she possessed to her sister Mary, her niece Lucy, and + myself, with instructions as to the use we three were to make of it. Now + she told me we were to pay no attention to these instructions, but to give + every dollar of her money to the $60,000 fund Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett + were trying to raise. She was vitally interested in this fund, as its + success meant that for five years the active officers of the National + American Woman Suffrage Association, including myself as president, would + for the first time receive salaries for our work. When she had given her + instructions on this point she still seemed depressed. + </p> + <p> + "I wish I could live on," she said, wistfully. "But I cannot. My spirit is + eager and my heart is as young as it ever was, but my poor old body is + worn out. Before I go I want you to give me a promise: Promise me that you + will keep the presidency of the association as long as you are well enough + to do the work." + </p> + <p> + "But how can I promise that?" I asked. "I can keep it only as long as + others wish me to keep it." + </p> + <p> + "Promise to make them wish you to keep it," she urged. "Just as I wish you + to keep it." + </p> + <p> + I would have promised her anything then. So, though I knew that to hold + the presidency would tie me to a position that brought in no living + income, and though for several years past I had already drawn alarmingly + upon my small financial reserve, I promised her that I would hold the + office as long as the majority of the women in the association wished me + to do so. "But," I added, "if the time comes when I believe that some one + else can do better work in the presidency than I, then let me feel at + liberty to resign it." + </p> + <p> + This did not satisfy her. + </p> + <p> + "No, no," she objected. "You cannot be the judge of that. Promise me you + will remain until the friends you most trust tell you it is time to + withdraw, or make you understand that it is time. Promise me that." + </p> + <p> + I made the promise. She seemed content, and again began to talk of the + future. + </p> + <p> + "You will not have an easy path," she warned me. "In some ways it will be + harder for you than it has ever been for me. I was so much older than the + rest of you, and I had been president so long, that you girls have all + been willing to listen to me. It will be different with you. Other women + of your own age have been in the work almost as long as you have been; you + do not stand out from them by age or length of service, as I did. There + will be inevitable jealousies and misunderstandings; there will be all + sorts of criticism and misrepresentation. My last word to you is this: No + matter what is done or is not done, how you are criticized or + misunderstood, or what efforts are made to block your path, remember that + the only fear you need have is the fear of not standing by the thing you + believe to be right. Take your stand and hold it; then let come what will, + and receive blows like a good soldier." + </p> + <p> + I was too much overcome to answer her; and after a moment of silence she, + in her turn, made me a promise. + </p> + <p> + "I do not know anything about what comes to us after this life ends," she + said. "But if there is a continuance of life beyond it, and if I have any + conscious knowledge of this world and of what you are doing, I shall not + be far away from you; and in times of need I will help you all I can. Who + knows? Perhaps I may be able to do more for the Cause after I am gone than + while I am here." + </p> + <p> + Nine years have passed since then, and in each day of them all it seems to + me, in looking back, I have had some occasion to recall her words. When + they were uttered I did not fully comprehend all they meant, or the + clearness of the vision that had suggested them. It seemed to me that no + position I could hold would be of sufficient importance to attract + jealousy or personal attacks. The years have brought more wisdom; I have + learned that any one who assumes leadership, or who, like myself, has had + leadership forced upon her, must expect to bear many things of which the + world knows nothing. But with this knowledge, too, has come the memory of + "Aunt Susan's" last promise, and again and yet again in hours of + discouragement and despair I have been helped by the blessed conviction + that she was keeping it. + </p> + <p> + During the last forty-eight hours of her life she was unwilling that I + should leave her side. So day and night I knelt by her bed, holding her + hand and watching the flame of her wonderful spirit grow dim. At times, + even then, it blazed up with startling suddenness. On the last afternoon + of her life, when she had lain quiet for hours, she suddenly began to + utter the names of the women who had worked with her, as if in a final + roll-call. Many of them had preceded her into the next world; others were + still splendidly active in the work she was laying down. But young or old, + living or dead, they all seemed to file past her dying eyes that day in an + endless, shadowy review, and as they went by she spoke to each of them. + </p> + <p> + Not all the names she mentioned were known in suffrage ranks; some of + these women lived only in the heart of Susan B. Anthony, and now, for the + last time, she was thanking them for what they had done. Here was one who, + at a moment of special need, had given her small savings; here was another + who had won valuable recruits to the Cause; this one had written a strong + editorial; that one had made a stirring speech. In these final hours it + seemed that not a single sacrifice or service, however small, had been + forgotten by the dying leader. Last of all, she spoke to the women who had + been on her board and had stood by her loyally so long—Rachel Foster + Avery, Alice Stone Blackwell, Carrie Chapman Catt, Mrs. Upton, Laura Clay, + and others. Then, after lying in silence for a long time with her cheek on + my hand, she murmured: "They are still passing before me—face after + face, hundreds and hundreds of them, representing all the efforts of fifty + years. I know how hard they have worked I know the sacrifices they have + made. But it has all been worth while!" + </p> + <p> + Just before she lapsed into unconsciousness she seemed restless and + anxious to say something, searching my face with her dimming eyes. + </p> + <p> + "Do you want me to repeat my promise?" I asked, for she had already made + me do so several times. She made a sign of assent, and I gave her the + assurance she desired. As I did so she raised my hand to her lips and + kissed it—her last conscious action. For more than thirty hours + after that I knelt by her side, but though she clung to my hand until her + own hand grew cold, she did not speak again. + </p> + <p> + She had told me over and over how much our long friendship and association + had meant to her, and the comfort I had given her. But whatever I may have + been to her, it was as nothing compared with what she was to me. Kneeling + close to her as she passed away, I knew that I would have given her a + dozen lives had I had them, and endured a thousand times more hardship + than we had borne together, for the inspiration of her companionship and + the joy of her affection. They were the greatest blessings I have had in + all my life, and I cherish as my dearest treasure the volume of her + History of Woman Suffrage on the fly-leaf of which she had written this + inscription: + </p> + <p> + REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW: + </p> + <p> + This huge volume IV I present to you with the love that a mother beareth, + and I hope you will find in it the facts about women, for you will find + them nowhere else. Your part will be to see that the four volumes are duly + placed in the libraries of the country, where every student of history may + have access to them. + </p> + <p> + With unbounded love and faith, + </p> + <p> + SUSAN B. ANTHONY. + </p> + <p> + That final line is still my greatest comfort. When I am misrepresented or + misunderstood, when I am accused of personal ambition or of working for + personal ends, I turn to it and to similar lines penned by the same hand, + and tell myself that I should not allow anything to interfere with the + serenity of my spirit or to disturb me in my work. At the end of eighteen + years of the most intimate companionship, the leader of our Cause, the + greatest woman I have ever known, still felt for me "unbounded love and + faith." Having had that, I have had enough. + </p> + <p> + For two days after "Aunt Susan's" death she lay in her own home, as if in + restful slumber, her face wearing its most exquisite look of peaceful + serenity; and here her special friends, the poor and the unfortunate of + the city, came by hundreds to pay their last respects. On the third day + there was a public funeral, held in the Congregational church, and, though + a wild blizzard was raging, every one in Rochester seemed included in the + great throng of mourners who came to her bier in reverence and left it in + tears. The church services were conducted by the pastor, the Rev. C. C. + Albertson, a lifelong friend of Miss Anthony's, assisted by the Rev. + William C. Gannett. James G. Potter, the Mayor of the city, and Dr. Rush + Rhees, president of Rochester University, occupied prominent places among + the distinguished mourners, and Mrs. Jerome Jeffries, the head of a + colored school, spoke in behalf of the negro race and its recognition of + Miss Anthony's services. College clubs, medical societies, and reform + groups were represented by delegates sent from different states, and Miss + Anna Gordon had come on from Illinois to represent the Woman's National + Christian Temperance Union. Mrs. Catt delivered a eulogy in which she + expressed the love and recognition of the organized suffrage women of the + world for Miss Anthony, as the one to whom they had all looked as their + leader. William Lloyd Garrison spoke of Miss Anthony's work with his + father and other antislavery leaders, and Mrs. Jean Brooks Greenleaf spoke + in behalf of the New York State Suffrage Association. Then, as "Aunt + Susan" had requested, I made the closing address. She had asked me to do + this and to pronounce the benediction, as well as to say the final words + at her grave. + </p> + <p> + It was estimated that more than ten thousand persons were assembled in and + around the church, and after the benediction those who had been patiently + waiting out in the storm were permitted to pass inside in single file for + a last look at their friend. They found the coffin covered by a large + American flag, on which lay a wreath of laurel and palms; around it stood + a guard of honor composed of girl students of Rochester University in + their college caps and gowns. All day students had mounted guard, + relieving one another at intervals. On every side there were flowers and + floral emblems sent by various organizations, and just over "Aunt Susan's" + head floated the silk flag given to her by the women of Colorado. It + contained four gold stars, representing the four enfranchised states, + while the other stars were in silver. On her breast was pinned the jeweled + flag given to her on her eightieth birthday by the women of Wyoming—the + first place in the world where in the constitution of the state women were + given equal political rights with men. Here the four stars representing + the enfranchised states were made of diamonds, the others of silver + enamel. Just before the lid was fastened on the coffin this flag was + removed and handed to Mary Anthony, who presented it to me. From that day + I have worn it on every occasion of importance to our Cause, and each time + a state is won for woman suffrage I have added a new diamond star. At the + time I write this—in 1914—there are twelve. + </p> + <p> + As the funeral procession went through the streets of Rochester it was + seen that all the city flags were at half-mast, by order of the City + Council. Many houses were draped in black, and the grief of the citizens + manifested itself on every side. All the way to Mount Hope Cemetery the + snow whirled blindingly around us, while the masses that had fallen + covered the earth as far as we could see a fitting winding-sheet for the + one who had gone. Under the fir-trees around her open grave I obeyed "Aunt + Susan's" wish that I should utter the last words spoken over her body as + she was laid to rest: + </p> + <p> + "Dear friend," I said, "thou hast tarried with us long. Now thou hast gone + to thy well-earned rest. We beseech the Infinite Spirit Who has upheld + thee to make us worthy to follow in thy steps and to carry on thy work. + Hail and farewell." + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0013" id="link2H_4_0013"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + </h2> + <p> + In my chapters on Miss Anthony I bridged the twenty years between 1886 and + 1906, omitting many of the stirring suffrage events of that long period, + in my desire to concentrate on those which most vitally concerned her. I + must now retrace my steps along the widening suffrage stream and describe, + consecutively at least, and as fully as these incomplete reminiscences + will permit, other incidents that occurred on its banks. + </p> + <p> + Of these the most important was the union in 1889 of the two great + suffrage societies—the American Association, of which Lucy Stone was + the president, and the National Association, headed by Susan B. Anthony + and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. At a convention held in Washington these + societies were merged as The National American Woman Suffrage Association—the + name our association still bears—and Mrs. Stanton was elected + president. She was then nearly eighty and past active work, but she made a + wonderful presiding officer at our subsequent meetings, and she was as + picturesque as she was efficient. + </p> + <p> + Miss Anthony, who had an immense admiration for her and a great personal + pride in her, always escorted her to the capital, and, having worked her + utmost to make the meeting a success, invariably gave Mrs. Stanton credit + for all that was accomplished. She often said that Mrs. Stanton was the + brains of the new association, while she herself was merely its hands and + feet; but in truth the two women worked marvelously together, for Mrs. + Stanton was a master of words and could write and speak to perfection of + the things Susan B. Anthony saw and felt but could not herself express. + Usually Miss Anthony went to Mrs. Stanton's house and took charge of it + while she stimulated the venerable president to the writing of her annual + address. Then, at the subsequent convention, she would listen to the + report with as much delight and pleasure as if each word of it had been + new to her. Even after Mrs. Stanton's resignation from the presidency—at + the end, I think, of three years—and Miss Anthony's election as her + successor, "Aunt Susan" still went to her old friend whenever an important + resolution was to be written, and Mrs. Stanton loyally drafted it for her. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Stanton was the most brilliant conversationalist I have ever known; + and the best talk I have heard anywhere was that to which I used to listen + in the home of Mrs. Eliza Wright Osborne, in Auburn, New York, when Mrs. + Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Emily Howland, Elizabeth Smith Miller, Ida + Husted Harper, Miss Mills, and I were gathered there for our occasional + week-end visits. Mrs. Osborne inherited her suffrage sympathies, for she + was the daughter of Martha Wright, who, with Mrs. Stanton and Lucretia + Mott, called the first suffrage convention in Seneca Falls, New York. I + must add in passing that her son, Thomas Mott Osborne, who is doing such + admirable work in prison reform at Sing Sing, has shown himself worthy of + the gifted and high-minded mother who gave him to the world. + </p> + <p> + Most of the conversation in Mrs. Osborne's home was contributed by Mrs. + Stanton and Miss Anthony, while the rest of us sat, as it were, at their + feet. Many human and feminine touches brightened the lofty discussions + that were constantly going on, and the varied characteristics of our + leaders cropped up in amusing fashion. Mrs. Stanton, for example, was + rarely accurate in giving figures or dates, while Miss Anthony was always + very exact in such matters. She frequently corrected Mrs. Stanton's + statements, and Mrs. Stanton usually took the interruption in the best + possible spirit, promptly admitting that "Aunt Susan" knew best. On one + occasion I recall, however, she held fast to her opinion that she was + right as to the month in which a certain incident had occurred. + </p> + <p> + "No, Susan," she insisted, "you're wrong for once. I remember perfectly + when that happened, for it was at the time I was beginning to wean + Harriet." + </p> + <p> + Aunt Susan, though somewhat staggered by the force of this testimony, + still maintained that Mrs. Stanton must be mistaken, whereupon the latter + repeated, in exasperation, "I tell you it happened when I was weaning + Harriet." And she added, scornfully, "What event have you got to reckon + from?" + </p> + <p> + Miss Anthony meekly subsided. + </p> + <p> + Mrs. Stanton had wonderful blue eyes, which held to the end of her life an + expression of eternal youth. During our conventions she usually took a + little nap in the afternoon, and when she awoke her blue eyes always had + an expression of pleased and innocent surprise, as if she were gazing on + the world for the first time—the round, unwinking, interested look a + baby's eyes have when something attractive is held up before them. + </p> + <p> + Let me give in a paragraph, before I swing off into the bypaths that + always allure me, the consecutive suffrage events of the past quarter of a + century. Having done this, I can dwell on each as casually as I choose, + for it is possible to describe only a few incidents here and there; and I + shall not be departing from the story of my life, for my life had become + merged in the suffrage cause. + </p> + <p> + Of the preliminary suffrage campaigns in Kansas, made in company with + "Aunt Susan," I have already written, and it remains only to say that + during the second Kansas campaign yellow was adopted as the suffrage + color. In 1890, '92, and '93 we again worked in Kansas and in South + Dakota, with such indefatigable and brilliant speakers as Mrs. Catt (to + whose efforts also were largely due the winning of Colorado in '93), Mrs. + Laura Johns of Kansas, Mrs. Julia Nelson, Henry B. Blackwell, Dr. Helen V. + Putnam of Dakota, Mrs. Emma Smith DeVoe, Rev. Olympia Browne of Wisconsin, + and Dr. Mary Seymour Howell of New York. In '94, '95, and '96 special + efforts were devoted to Idaho, Utah, California, and Washington, and from + then on our campaigns were waged steadily in the Western states. + </p> + <p> + The Colorado victory gave us two full suffrage states, for in 1869 the + Territory of Wyoming had enfranchised women under very interesting + conditions, not now generally remembered. The achievement was due to the + influence of one woman, Esther Morris, a pioneer who was as good a + neighbor as she was a suffragist. In those early days, in homes far from + physicians and surgeons, the women cared for one another in sickness, and + Esther Morris, as it happened, once took full and skilful charge of a + neighbor during the difficult birth of the latter's child. She had done + the same thing for many other women, but this woman's husband was + especially grateful. He was also a member of the Legislature, and he told + Mrs. Morris that if there was any measure she wished put through for the + women of the territory he would be glad to introduce it. She immediately + took him at his word by asking him to introduce a bill enfranchising + women, and he promptly did so. + </p> + <p> + The Legislature was Democratic, and it pounced upon the measure as a huge + joke. With the amiable purpose of embarrassing the Governor of the + territory, who was a Republican and had been appointed by the President, + the members passed the bill and put it up to him to veto. To their + combined horror and amazement, the young Governor did nothing of the kind. + He had come, as it happened, from Salem, Ohio, one of the first towns in + the United States in which a suffrage convention was held. There, as a + boy, he had heard Susan B. Anthony make a speech, and he had carried into + the years the impression it made upon him. He signed that bill; and, as + the Legislature could not get a two-thirds vote to kill it, the disgusted + members had to make the best of the matter. The following year a Democrat + introduced a bill to repeal the measure, but already public sentiment had + changed and he was laughed down. After that no further effort was ever + made to take the ballot away from the women of Wyoming. + </p> + <p> + When the territory applied for statehood, it was feared that the + woman-suffrage clause in the constitution might injure its chance of + admission, and the women sent this telegram to Joseph M. Carey: + </p> + <p> + "Drop us if you must. We can trust the men of Wyoming to enfranchise us + after our territory becomes a state." + </p> + <p> + Mr. Carey discussed this telegram with the other men who were urging upon + Congress the admission of their territory, and the following reply went + back: + </p> + <p> + "We may stay out of the Union a hundred years, but we will come in with + our women." + </p> + <p> + There is great inspiration in those two messages—and a great lesson, + as well. + </p> + <p> + In 1894 we conducted a campaign in New York, when an effort was made to + secure a clause to enfranchise women in the new state constitution; and + for the first time in the history of the woman-suffrage movement many of + the influential women in the state and city of New York took an active + part in the work. Miss Anthony was, as always, our leader and greatest + inspiration. Mrs. John Brooks Greenleaf was state president, and Miss Mary + Anthony was the most active worker in the Rochester headquarters. Mrs. + Lily Devereaux Blake had charge of the campaign in New York City, and Mrs. + Marianna Chapman looked after the Brooklyn section, while a most + stimulating sign of the times was the organization of a committee of New + York women of wealth and social influence, who established their + headquarters at Sherry's. Among these were Mrs. Josephine Shaw Lowell, + Mrs. Joseph H. Choate, Dr. Mary Putnam Jacobi, Mrs. J. Warren Goddard, and + Mrs. Robert Abbe. Miss Anthony, then in her seventy-fifth year, spoke in + every county of the state sixty in all. I spoke in forty, and Mrs. Catt, + as always, made a superb record. Miss Harriet May Mills, a graduate of + Cornell, and Miss Mary G. Hay, did admirable organization work in the + different counties. Our disappointment over the result was greatly soothed + by the fact that only two years later both Idaho and Utah swung into line + as full suffrage states, though California, in which we had labored with + equal zeal, waited fifteen years longer. + </p> + <p> + Among these campaigns, and overlapping them, were our annual conventions—each + of which I attended from 1888 on—and the national and international + councils, to a number of which, also, I have given preliminary mention. + When Susan B. Anthony died in 1906, four American states had granted + suffrage to woman. At the time I write—1914—the result of the + American women's work for suffrage may be briefly tabulated thus: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SUFFRAGE STATUS + + FULL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + + Number of + State Year Won Electoral Votes + Wyoming 1869 3 + Colorado 1893 6 + Idaho 1896 4 + Utah 1896 4 + Washington 1910 7 + California 1911 13 + Arizona 1912 3 + Kansas 1912 10 + Oregon 1912 5 + Alaska 1913 — + Nevada 1914 3 + Montana 1914 4 +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + PRESIDENTIAL AND MUNICIPAL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + Number of + State Year Won Electoral Votes + + Illinois 1913 29 +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + STATES WHERE AMENDMENT HAS PASSED ONE LEGISLATURE AND + MUST PASS ANOTHER + + Number Goes to + State House Senate Voters Electoral Votes + Iowa 81-26 31-15 1916 13 + Massachusetts 169-39 34-2 1915 18 + New Jersey 49-4 15-3 1915 14 + New York 125-5 40-2 1915 45 + North Dakota 77-29 31-19 1916 5 + Pennsylvania 131-70 26-22 1915 38 +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + To tabulate the wonderful work done by the + conventions and councils is not possible, but a con + secutive list of the meetings would run like this: +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + First National Convention, Washington, D.C., 1887. + First International Council of Women, Washington, D.C., 1888. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1889. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1890. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1891. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1892. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1893. + International Council, Chicago, 1893. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1894. + National Suffrage Convention, Atlanta, Ga., 1895. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1896. + National Suffrage Convention, Des Moines, Iowa, 1897. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1898. + National Suffrage Convention, Grand Rapids, Mich., 1899. + International Council, London, England, 1899. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1900. + National Suffrage Convention, Minneapolis, Minn., 1901. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1902. + National Suffrage Convention, New Orleans, La., 1903. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1904. + International Council of Women, Berlin, Germany, 1904. + Formation of Intern'l Suffrage Alliance, Berlin, Germany, 1904. + National Suffrage Convention, Portland, Oregon, 1905. + National Suffrage Convention, Baltimore, Md., 1906. + International Suffrage Alliance, Copenhagen, Denmark, 1906. + National Suffrage Convention, Chicago, III., 1907. + International Suffrage Alliance, Amsterdam, Holland, 1908. + National Suffrage Convention, Buffalo, N. Y., 1908. + New York Headquarters established, 1909. + National Suffrage Convention, Seattle, Wash., 1909. + International Suffrage Alliance, London, England, 1909. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1910. + International Council, Genoa, Italy, 1911. + National Suffrage Convention, Louisville, Ky., 1911. + International Suffrage Alliance, Stockholm, Sweden, 1911. + National Suffrage Convention, Philadelphia, Pa., 1912. + International Council, The Hague, Holland, 1913 + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C.; 1913. + International Suffrage Alliance, Budapest, Hungary, 1913. + National Suffrage Convention, Nashville, Tenn., 1914. + International Council, Rome, Italy, 1914. +</pre> + <p> + The winning of the suffrage states, the work in the states not yet won, + the conventions, gatherings, and international councils in which women of + every nation have come together, have all combined to make this quarter of + a century the most brilliant period for women in the history of the world. + I have set forth the record baldly and without comment, because the bare + facts are far more eloquent than words. It must not be forgotten, too, + that these great achievements of the progressive women of to-day have been + accomplished against the opposition of a large number of their own sex—who, + while they are out in the world's arena fighting against progress for + their sisters, still shatter the ear-drum with their incongruous war-cry, + "Woman's place is in the home!" here: We were attending the Republican + state nominating convention at Mitchell—Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, + other leaders, and myself—having been told that it would be at once + the largest and the most interesting gathering ever held in the state as + it proved to be. All the leading politicians of the state were there, and + in the wake of the white men had come tribes of Indians with their camp + outfits, their wives and their children—the groups forming a + picturesque circle of tents and tepees around the town. It was a great + occasion for them, an Indian powwow, for by the law all Indians who had + lands in severalty were to be permitted to vote the following year. They + were present, therefore, to study the ways of the white man, and an + edifying exhibition of these was promptly offered them. + </p> + <p> + The crowd was so great that it was only through the courtesy of Major + Pickler, a member of Congress and a devoted believer in suffrage, that + Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and the rest of us were able to secure passes to + the convention, and when we reached the hall we were escorted to the last + row of seats on the crowded platform. As the space between us and the + speakers was filled by rows upon rows of men, as well as by the band and + their instruments, we could see very little that took place. Some of our + friends pointed out this condition to the local committee and asked that + we be given seats on the floor, but received the reply that there was + "absolutely no room on the floor except for delegates and distinguished + visitors." Our persistent friends then suggested that at least a front + seat should be given to Miss Anthony, who certainly came under the head of + a "distinguished visitor"; but this was not done—probably because a + large number of the best seats were filled by Russian laborers wearing + badges inscribed "Against Woman Suffrage and Susan B. Anthony." We + remained, perforce, in our rear seats, finding such interest as we could + in the back view of hundreds of heads. + </p> + <p> + Just before the convention was called to order it was announced that a + delegation of influential Indians was waiting outside, and a motion to + invite the red men into the hall was made and carried with great + enthusiasm. A committee of leading citizens was appointed to act as + escort, and these gentlemen filed out, returning a few moments later with + a party of Indian warriors in full war regalia, even to their gay + blankets, their feathered head-dresses, and their paint. When they + appeared the band struck up a stirring march of welcome, and the entire + audience cheered while the Indians, flanked by the admiring committee, + stalked solemnly down the aisle and were given seats of honor directly in + front of the platform. + </p> + <p> + All we could see of them were the brilliant feathers of their war-bonnets, + but we got the full effect of their reception in the music and the cheers. + I dared not look at Miss Anthony during this remarkable scene, and she, + craning her venerable neck to get a glimpse of the incident from her + obscure corner, made no comment to me; but I knew what she was thinking. + The following year these Indians would have votes. Courtesy, therefore, + must be shown them. But the women did not matter, the politicians + reasoned, for even if they were enfranchised they would never support the + element represented at that convention. It was not surprising that, + notwithstanding our hard work, we did not win the state, though all the + conditions had seemed most favorable; for the state was new, the men and + women were working side by side in the fields, and there was discontent in + the ranks of the political parties. + </p> + <p> + After the election, when we analyzed the vote county by county, we + discovered that in every county whose residents were principally Americans + the amendment was carried, whereas in all counties populated largely by + foreigners it was lost. In certain counties—those inhabited by + Russian Jews—the vote was almost solidly against us, and this + notwithstanding the fact that the wives of these Russian voters were doing + a man's work on their farms in addition to the usual women's work in their + homes. The fact that our Cause could be defeated by ignorant laborers + newly come to our country was a humiliating one to accept; and we realized + more forcibly than ever before the difficulty of the task we had assumed—a + task far beyond any ever undertaken by a body of men in the history of + democratic government throughout the world. We not only had to bring + American men back to a belief in the fundamental principles of republican + government, but we had also to educate ignorant immigrants, as well as our + own Indians, whose degree of civilization was indicated by their war-paint + and the flaunting feathers of their head-dresses. + </p> + <p> + The Kansas campaign, which Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, Mrs. Johns, and I + conducted in 1894, held a special interest, due to the Populist movement. + There were so many problems before the people—prohibition, free + silver, and the Populist propaganda—that we found ourselves involved + in the bitterest campaign ever fought out in the state. Our desire, of + course, was to get the indorsement of the different political parties and + religious bodies, We succeeded in obtaining that of three out of four of + the Methodist Episcopal conferences—the Congregational, the Epworth + League, and the Christian Endeavor League—as well as that of the + State Teachers' Association, the Woman's Christian Temperance Union, and + various other religious and philanthropic societies. To obtain the + indorsement of the political parties was much more difficult, and we were + facing conditions in which partial success was worse than complete + failure. It had long been an unwritten law before it became a written law + in our National Association that we must not take partisan action or line + up with any one political party. It was highly important, therefore, that + either all parties should support us or that none should. + </p> + <p> + The Populist convention was held in Topeka before either the Democratic or + Republican convention, and after two days of vigorous fighting, led by + Mrs. Anna Diggs and other prominent Populist women, a suffrage plank was + added to the platform. The Populist party invited me, as a minister, to + open the convention with prayer. This was an innovation, and served as a + wedge for the admission of women representatives of the Suffrage + Association to address the convention. We all did so, Miss Anthony + speaking first, Mrs. Catt second, and I last; after which, for the first + time in history, the Doxology was sung at a political convention. + </p> + <p> + At the Democratic convention we made the same appeal, and were refused. + Instead of indorsing us, the Democrats put an anti-suffrage plank in their + platform—but this, as the party had little standing in Kansas, + probably did us more good than harm. Trouble came thick and fast, however, + when the Republicans, the dominant party in the state, held their + convention; and a mighty struggle began over the admission of a suffrage + plank. There was a Woman's Republican Club in Kansas, which held its + convention in Topeka at the same time the Republicans were holding theirs. + There was also a Mrs. Judith Ellen Foster, who, by stirring up opposition + in this Republican Club against the insertion of a suffrage plank, caused + a serious split in the convention. Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and I, of + course, urged the Republican women to stand by their sex, and to give + their support to the Republicans only on condition that the latter added + suffrage to their platform. At no time, and in no field of work, have I + ever seen a more bitter conflict in progress than that which raged for two + days during this Republican women's convention. Liquor-dealers, + joint-keepers, "boot-leggers," and all the lawless element of Kansas swung + into line at a special convention held under the auspices of the Liquor + League of Kansas City, and cast their united weight against suffrage by + threatening to deny their votes to any candidate or political party + favoring our Cause. The Republican women's convention finally adjourned + with nothing accomplished except the passing of a resolution mildly + requesting the Republican party to indorse woman suffrage. The result was, + of course, that it was not indorsed by the Republican convention, and that + it was defeated at the following election. + </p> + <p> + It was at the time of these campaigns that I was elected Vice-President of + the National Association and Lecturer at Large, and the latter office + brought in its train a glittering variety of experiences. On one occasion + an episode occurred which "Aunt Susan" never afterward wearied of + describing. There was a wreck somewhere on the road on which I was to + travel to meet a lecture engagement, and the trains going my way were not + running. Looking up the track, however, I saw a train coming from the + opposite direction. I at once grasped my hand-luggage and started for it. + </p> + <p> + "Wait! Wait!" cried Miss Anthony. "That train's going the wrong way!" + </p> + <p> + "At least it's going SOMEWHERE!" I replied, tersely, as the train stopped, + and I climbed the steps. + </p> + <p> + Looking back when the train had started again, I saw "Aunt Susan" standing + in the same spot on the platform and staring after it with incredulous + eyes; but I was right, for I discovered that by going up into another + state I could get a train which would take me to my destination in time + for the lecture that night. It was a fine illustration of my pet theory + that if one intends to get somewhere it is better to start, even in the + wrong direction, than to stand still. + </p> + <p> + Again and again in our work we had occasion to marvel over men's lack of + understanding of the views of women, even of those nearest and dearest to + them; and we had an especially striking illustration of this at one of our + hearings in Washington. A certain distinguished gentleman (we will call + him Mr. H——) was chairman of the Judiciary, and after we had + said what we wished to say, he remarked: + </p> + <p> + "Your arguments are logical. Your cause is just. The trouble is that women + don't want suffrage. My wife doesn't want it. I don't know a single woman + who does want it." + </p> + <p> + As it happened for this unfortunate gentleman, his wife was present at the + hearing and sitting beside Miss Anthony. She listened to his words with + surprise, and then whispered to "Aunt Susan": + </p> + <p> + "How CAN he say that? <i>I</i> want suffrage, and I've told him so a + hundred times in the last twenty years." + </p> + <p> + "Tell him again NOW," urged Miss Anthony. "Here's your chance to impress + it on his memory." + </p> + <p> + "Here!" gasped the wife. "Oh, I wouldn't dare." + </p> + <p> + "Then may I tell him?" + </p> + <p> + "Why—yes! He can think what he pleases, but he has no right to + publicly misrepresent me." + </p> + <p> + The assent, hesitatingly begun, finished on a sudden note of firmness. + Miss Anthony stood up. + </p> + <p> + "It may interest Mr. H——," she said, "to know that his wife + DOES wish to vote, and that for twenty years she has wished to vote, and + has often told him so, though he has evidently forgotten it. She is here + beside me, and has just made this explanation." + </p> + <p> + Mr. H—— stammered and hesitated, and finally decided to laugh. + But there was no mirth in the sound he made, and I am afraid his wife had + a bad quarter of an hour when they met a little later in the privacy of + their home. + </p> + <p> + Among other duties that fell to my lot at this period were numerous + suffrage debates with prominent opponents of the Cause. I have already + referred to the debate in Kansas with Senator Ingalls. Equaling this in + importance was a bout with Dr. Buckley, the distinguished Methodist + debater, which had been arranged for us at Chautauqua by Bishop Vincent of + the Methodist Church. The bishop was not a believer in suffrage, nor was + he one of my admirers. I had once aroused his ire by replying to a sermon + he had delivered on "God's Women," and by proving, to my own satisfaction + at least, that the women he thought were God's women had done very little, + whereas the work of the world had been done by those he believed were not + "God's Women." There was considerable interest, therefore, in the + Buckley-Shaw debate he had arranged; we all knew he expected Dr. Buckley + to wipe out that old score, and I was determined to make it as difficult + as possible for the distinguished gentleman to do so. We held the debate + on two succeeding days, I speaking one afternoon and Dr. Buckley replying + the following day. On the evening before I spoke, however, Dr. Buckley + made an indiscreet remark, which, blown about Chautauqua on the light + breeze of gossip, was generally regarded as both unchivalrous and unfair. + </p> + <p> + As the hall in which we were to speak was enormous, he declared that one + of two things would certainly happen. Either I would scream in order to be + heard by my great audience, or I would be unable to make myself heard at + all. If I screamed it would be a powerful argument against women as public + speakers; if I could not be heard, it would be an even better argument. In + either case, he summed up, I was doomed to failure. Following out this + theory, he posted men in the extreme rear of the great hall on the day of + my lecture, to report to him whether my words reached them, while he + himself graciously occupied a front seat. Bishop Vincent's antagonistic + feeling was so strong, however, that though, as the presiding officer of + the occasion, he introduced me to the audience, he did not wait to hear my + speech, but immediately left the hall—and this little slight added + to the public's interest in the debate. It was felt that the two gentlemen + were not quite "playing fair," and the champions of the Cause were + especially enthusiastic in their efforts to make up for these failures in + courtesy. My friends turned out in force to hear the lecture, and on the + breast of every one of them flamed the yellow bow that stood for suffrage, + giving to the vast hall something of the effect of a field of yellow + tulips in full bloom. + </p> + <p> + When Dr. Buckley rose to reply the next day these friends were again + awaiting him with an equally jocund display of the suffrage color, and + this did not add to his serenity. During his remarks he made the serious + mistake of losing his temper; and, unfortunately for him, he directed his + wrath toward a very old man who had thoughtlessly applauded by pounding on + the floor with his cane when Dr. Buckley quoted a point I had made. The + doctor leaned forward and shook his fist at him. + </p> + <p> + "Think she's right, do you?" he asked. + </p> + <p> + "Yes," admitted the venerable citizen, briskly, though a little startled + by the manner of the question. + </p> + <p> + "Old man," shouted Dr. Buckley, "I'll make you take that back if you've + got a grain of sense in your head!" + </p> + <p> + The insult cost him his audience. When he realized this he lost all his + self-possession, and, as the Buffalo Courier put it the next day, "went up + and down the platform raving like a Billingsgate fishwife." He lost the + debate, and the supply of yellow ribbon left in the surrounding counties + was purchased that night to be used in the suffrage celebration that + followed. My friends still refer to the occasion as "the day we wiped up + the earth with Dr. Buckley"; but I do not deserve the implied tribute, for + Dr. Buckley would have lost his case without a word from me. What really + gave me some satisfaction, however, was the respective degree of freshness + with which he and I emerged from our combat. After my speech Miss Anthony + and I were given a reception, and stood for hours shaking hands with + hundreds of men and women. Later in the evening we had a dinner and + another reception, which, lasting, as they did, until midnight, kept us + from our repose. Dr. Buckley, poor gentleman, had to be taken to his hotel + immediately after his speech, given a hot bath, rubbed down, and put + tenderly to bed; and not even the sympathetic heart of Susan B. Anthony + yearned over him when she heard of his exhaustion. + </p> + <p> + It was also at Chautauqua, by the way, though a number of years earlier, + that I had my much misquoted encounter with the minister who deplored the + fashion I followed in those days of wearing my hair short. This young man, + who was rather a pompous person, saw fit to take me to task at a table + where a number of us were dining together. + </p> + <p> + "Miss Shaw," he said, abruptly, "I have been asked very often why you wear + your hair short, and I have not been able to explain. Of course"—this + kindly—"I know there is some good reason. I ventured to advance the + theory that you have been ill and that your hair has fallen out. Is that + it?" + </p> + <p> + "No," I told him. "There is a reason, as you suggest. But it is not that + one." + </p> + <p> + "Then why—" he insisted. + </p> + <p> + "I am rather sensitive about it," I explained. "I don't know that I care + to discuss the subject." + </p> + <p> + The young minister looked pained. "But among friends—" he protested. + </p> + <p> + "True," I conceded. "Well, then, among friends, I will admit frankly that + it is a birthmark. I was born with short hair." + </p> + <p> + That was the last time my short hair was criticized in my presence, but + the young minister was right in his disapproval and I was wrong, as I + subsequently realized. A few years later I let my hair grow long, for I + had learned that no woman in public life can afford to make herself + conspicuous by any eccentricity of dress or appearance. If she does so she + suffers for it herself, which may not disturb her, and to a greater or + less degree she injures the cause she represents, which should disturb her + very much. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0014" id="link2H_4_0014"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XII. BUILDING A HOME + </h2> + <p> + It is not generally known that the meeting of the International Council of + Women held in Chicago during the World's Fair was suggested by Miss + Anthony, as was also the appointment of the Exposition's "Board of Lady + Managers." "Aunt Susan" kept her name in the background, that she might + not array against these projects the opposition of those prejudiced + against woman suffrage. We both spoke at the meetings, however, as I have + already explained, and one of our most chastening experiences occurred on + "Actress Night." There was a great demand for tickets for this occasion, + as every one seemed anxious to know what kind of speeches our leading + women of the stage would make; and the programme offered such magic names + as Helena Modjeska, Julia Marlowe, Georgia Cayvan, Clara Morris, and + others of equal appeal. The hall was soon filled, and to keep out the + increasing throng the doors were locked and the waiting crowd was directed + to a second hall for an overflow meeting. + </p> + <p> + As it happened, Miss Anthony and I were among the earliest arrivals at the + main hall. It was the first evening we had been free to do exactly as we + pleased, and we were both in high spirits, looking forward to the + speeches, congratulating each other on the good seats we had been given on + the platform, and rallying the speakers on their stage fright; for, much + to our amusement, we had found them all in mortal terror of their + audience. Georgia Cayvan, for example, was so nervous that she had to be + strengthened with hot milk before she could speak, and Julia Marlowe + admitted freely that her knees were giving way beneath her. They really + had something of an ordeal before them, for it was decided that each + actress must speak twice going immediately from the hall to the overflow + meeting and repeating there the speech she had just made. But in the mean + time some one had to hold the impatient audience in the second hall, and + as it was a duty every one else promptly repudiated, a row of suddenly + imploring faces turned toward Miss Anthony and me. I admit that we + responded to the appeal with great reluctance. We were SO comfortable + where we were—and we were also deeply interested in the first + intimate glimpse we were having of these stars in the dramatic sky. We saw + our duty, however, and with deep sighs we rose and departed for the second + hall, where a glance at the waiting throng did not add to our pleasure in + the prospect before us. + </p> + <p> + When I walked upon the stage I found myself facing an actually hostile + audience. They had come to look at and listen to the actresses who had + been promised them, and they thought they were being deprived of that + privilege by an interloper. Never before had I gazed out on a mass of such + unresponsive faces or looked into so many angry eyes. They were exchanging + views on their wrongs, and the general buzz of conversation continued when + I appeared. For some moments I stood looking at them, my hands behind my + back. If I had tried to speak they would undoubtedly have gone on talking; + my silence attracted their attention and they began to wonder what I + intended to do. When they had stopped whispering and moving about, I spoke + to them with the frankness of an overburdened heart. + </p> + <p> + "I think," I said, slowly and distinctly, "that you are the most + disagreeable audience I ever faced in my life." + </p> + <p> + They gasped and stared, almost open-mouthed in their surprise. + </p> + <p> + "Never," I went on, "have I seen a gathering of people turn such ugly + looks upon a speaker who has sacrificed her own enjoyment to come and talk + to them. Do you think I want to talk to you?" I demanded, warming to my + subject. "I certainly do not. Neither does Miss Anthony want to talk to + you, and the lady who spoke to you a few moments ago, and whom you treated + so rudely, did not wish to be here. We would all much prefer to be in the + other hall, listening to the speakers from our comfortable seats on the + stage. To entertain you we gave up our places and came here simply because + the committee begged us to do so. I have only one thing more to say. If + you care to listen to me courteously I am willing to waste time on you; + but don't imagine that I will stand here and wait while you criticize the + management." + </p> + <p> + By this time I felt as if I had a child across my knee to whom I was + administering maternal chastisement, and the uneasiness of my audience + underlined the impression. They listened rather sulkily at first; then a + few of the best-natured among them laughed, and the laugh grew and + developed into applause. The experience had done them good, and they were + a chastened band when Clara Morris appeared, and I gladly yielded the + floor to her. + </p> + <p> + All the actresses who spoke that night delivered admirable addresses, but + no one equaled Madame Modjeska, who delivered exquisitely a speech + written, not by herself, but by a friend and countrywoman, on the + condition of Polish women under the regime of Russia. We were all charmed + as we listened, but none of us dreamed what that address would mean to + Modjeska. It resulted in her banishment from Poland, her native land, + which she was never again permitted to enter. But though she paid so heavy + a price for the revelation, I do not think she ever really regretted + having given to America the facts in that speech. + </p> + <p> + During this same period I embarked upon a high adventure. I had always + longed for a home, and my heart had always been loyal to Cape Cod. Now I + decided to have a home at Wianno, across the Cape from my old parish at + East Dennis. Deep-seated as my home-making aspiration had been, it was + realized largely as the result of chance. A special hobby of mine has + always been auction sales. I dearly love to drop into auction-rooms while + sales are in progress, and bid up to the danger-point, taking care to stop + just in time to let some one else get the offered article. But of course I + sometimes failed to stop at the psychological moment, and the result was a + sudden realization that, in the course of the years, I had accumulated an + extraordinary number of articles for which I had no shelter and no + possible use. + </p> + <p> + The crown jewel of the collection was a bedroom set I had picked up in + Philadelphia. Usually, cautious friends accompanied me on my auction-room + expeditions and restrained my ardor; but this time I got away alone and + found myself bidding at the sale of a solid bog-wood bedroom set which had + been exhibited as a show-piece at the World's Fair, and was now, in the + words of the auctioneer, "going for a song." I sang the song. I offered + twenty dollars, thirty dollars, forty dollars, and other excited voices + drowned mine with higher bids. It was very thrilling. I offered fifty + dollars, and there was a horrible silence, broken at last by the + auctioneer's final, "Going, going, GONE!" I was mistress of the bog-wood + bedroom set—a set wholly out of harmony with everything else I + possessed, and so huge and massive that two men were required to lift the + head-board alone. Like many of the previous treasures I had acquired, this + was a white elephant; but, unlike some of them, it was worth more than I + had paid for it. I was offered sixty dollars for one piece alone, but I + coldly refused to sell it, though the tribute to my judgment warmed my + heart. I had not the faintest idea what to do with the set, however, and + at last I confided my dilemma to my friend, Mrs. Ellen Dietrick, who + sagely advised me to build a house for it. The idea intrigued me. The + bog-wood furniture needed a home, and so did I. + </p> + <p> + The result of our talk was that Mrs. Dietrick promised to select a lot for + me at Wianno, where she herself lived, and even promised to supervise the + building of my cottage, and to attend to all the other details connected + with it. Thus put, the temptation was irresistible. Besides Mrs. Dietrick, + many other delightful friends lived at Wianno—the Garrisons, the + Chases of Rhode Island, the Wymans, the Wellingtons—a most charming + community. I gave Mrs. Dietrick full authority to use her judgment in + every detail connected with the undertaking, and the cottage was built. + Having put her hand to this plow of friendship, Mrs. Dietrick did the work + with characteristic thoroughness. I did not even visit Wianno to look at + my land. She selected it, bought it, engaged a woman architect—Lois + Howe of Boston—and followed the latter's work from beginning to end. + The only stipulation I made was that the cottage must be far up on the + beach, out of sight of everybody—really in the woods; and this was + easily met, for along that coast the trees came almost to the water's + edge. + </p> + <p> + The cottage was a great success, and for many years I spent my vacations + there, filling the place with young people. From the time of my sister + Mary's death I had had the general oversight of her two daughters, Lola + and Grace, as well as of Nicolas and Eleanor, the two motherless daughters + of my brother John. They were all with me every summer in the new home, + together with Lucy Anthony, her sister and brother, Mrs. Rachel Foster + Avery, and other friends. We had special fishing costumes made, and wore + them much of the time. My nieces wore knickerbockers, and I found vast + contentment in short, heavy skirts over bloomers. We lived out of doors, + boating, fishing, and clamming all day long, and, as in my early pioneer + days in Michigan, my part of the work was in the open. I chopped all the + wood, kept the fires going, and looked after the grounds. + </p> + <p> + Rumors of our care-free and unconventional life began to circulate, and + presently our Eden was invaded by the only serpent I have ever found in + the newspaper world—a girl reporter from Boston. She telegraphed + that she was coming to see us; and though, when she came, we had been + warned of her propensities and received her in conventional attire, + formally entertaining her with tea on the veranda, she went away and gave + free play to a hectic fancy. She wrote a sensational full-page article for + a Sunday newspaper, illustrated with pictures showing us all in + knickerbockers. In this striking work of art I carried a fish net and pole + and wore a handkerchief tied over my head. The article, which was headed + THE ADAMLESS EDEN, was almost libelous, and I admit that for a long time + it dimmed our enjoyment of our beloved retreat. Then, gradually, my old + friends died, Mrs. Dietrick among the first; others moved away; and the + character of the entire region changed. It became fashionable, privacy was + no longer to be found there, and we ceased to visit it. For five years I + have not even seen the cottage. + </p> + <p> + In 1908 I built the house I now occupy (in Moylan, Pennsylvania), which is + the realization of a desire I have always had—to build on a tract + which had a stream, a grove of trees, great boulders and rocks, and a hill + site for the house with a broad outlook, and a railroad station + conveniently near. The friend who finally found the place for me had begun + his quest with the pessimistic remark that I would better wait for it + until I got to Paradise; but two years later he telegraphed me that he had + discovered it on this planet, and he was right. I have only eight acres of + land, but no one could ask a more ideal site for a cottage; and on the + place is my beloved forest, including a grove of three hundred firs. From + every country I have visited I have brought back a tiny tree for this + little forest, and now it is as full of memories as of beauty. + </p> + <p> + To the surprise of my neighbors, I built my house with its back toward the + public road, facing the valley and the stream. "But you will never see + anybody go by," they protested. I answered that the one person in the + house who was necessarily interested in passers-by was my maid, and she + could see them perfectly from the kitchen, which faced the road. I enjoy + my views from the broad veranda that overlooks the valley, the stream, and + the country for miles around. + </p> + <p> + Every suffragist I have ever met has been a lover of home; and only the + conviction that she is fighting for her home, her children, for other + women, or for all of these, has sustained her in her public work. Looking + back on many campaign experiences, I am forced to admit that it is not + always the privations we endure which make us think most tenderly of home. + Often we are more overcome by the attentions of well-meaning friends. As + an example of this I recall an incident of one Oregon campaign. I was to + speak in a small city in the southern part of the state, and on reaching + the station, hot, tired, and covered with the grime of a midsummer + journey, I found awaiting me a delegation of citizens, a brass-band, and a + white carriage drawn by a pair of beautiful white horses. In this + carriage, and devotedly escorted by the citizens and the band, the latter + playing its hardest, I was driven to the City Hall and there met by the + mayor, who delivered an address, after which I was crowned with a laurel + wreath. Subsequently, with this wreath still resting upon my perspiring + brow, I was again driven through the streets of the city; and if ever a + woman felt that her place was in the home and longed to be in her place, I + felt it that day. + </p> + <p> + An almost equally trying occasion had San Francisco for its setting. The + city had arranged a Fourth of July celebration, at which Miss Anthony and + I were to speak. Here we rode in a carriage decorated with flowers—yellow + roses—while just in front of us was the mayor in a carriage + gorgeously festooned with purple blossoms. Behind us, for more than a + mile, stretched a procession of uniformed policemen, soldiers, and + citizens, while the sidewalks were lined with men and women whose + enthusiastic greetings came to Miss Anthony from every side. She was + enchanted over the whole experience, for to her it meant, as always, not a + personal tribute, but a triumph of the Cause. But I sat by her side + acutely miserable; for across my shoulders and breast had been draped a + huge sash with the word "Orator" emblazoned on it, and this was further + embellished by a striking rosette with streamers which hung nearly to the + bottom of my gown. It is almost unnecessary to add that this remarkable + decoration was furnished by a committee of men, and was also worn by all + the men speakers of the day. Possibly I was overheated by the sash, or by + the emotions the sash aroused in me, for I was stricken with pneumonia the + following day and experienced my first serious illness, from which, + however, I soon recovered. + </p> + <p> + On our way to California in 1895 Miss Anthony and I spent a day at + Cheyenne, Wyoming, as the guests of Senator and Mrs. Carey, who gave a + dinner for us. At the table I asked Senator Carey what he considered the + best result of the enfranchisement of Wyoming women, and even after the + lapse of twenty years I am able to give his reply almost word for word, + for it impressed me deeply at the time and I have since quoted it again + and again. + </p> + <p> + "There have been many good results," he said, "but the one I consider + above all the others is the great change for the better in the character + of our candidates for office. Consider this for a moment: Since our women + have voted there has never been an embezzlement of public funds, or a + scandalous misuse of public funds, or a disgraceful condition of graft. I + attribute the better character of our public officials almost entirely to + the votes of the women." + </p> + <p> + "Those are inspiring facts," I conceded, "but let us be just. There are + three men in Wyoming to every woman, and no candidate for office could be + elected unless the men voted for him, too. Why, then, don't they deserve + as much credit for his election as the women?" + </p> + <p> + "Because," explained Senator Carey, promptly, "women are politically an + uncertain factor. We can go among men and learn beforehand how they are + going to vote, but we can't do that with women; they keep us guessing. In + the old days, when we went into the caucus we knew what resolutions put + into our platforms would win the votes of the ranchmen, what would win the + miners, what would win the men of different nationalities; but we did not + know how to win the votes of the women until we began to nominate our + candidates. Then we immediately discovered that if the Democrats nominated + a man of immoral character for office, the women voted for his Republican + opponent, and we learned our first big lesson—that whatever a + candidate's other qualifications for office may be, he must first of all + have a clean record. In the old days, when we nominated a candidate we + asked, 'Can he hold the saloon vote?' Now we ask, 'Can he hold the women's + vote?' Instead of bidding down to the saloon, we bid up to the home." + </p> + <p> + Following the dinner there was a large public meeting, at which Miss + Anthony and I were to speak. Mrs. Jenkins, who was president of the + Suffrage Association of the state, presided and introduced us to the + assemblage. Then she added: "I have introduced you ladies to your + audience. Now I would like to introduce your audience to you." She began + with the two Senators and the member of Congress, then introduced the + Governor, the Lieutenant-Governor, the state Superintendent of Education, + and numerous city and state officials. As she went on Miss Anthony grew + more and more excited, and when the introductions were over, she said: + "This is the first time I have ever seen an audience assembled for woman + suffrage made up of the public officials of a state. No one can ever + persuade me now that men respect women without political power as much as + they respect women who have it; for certainly in no other state in the + Union would it be possible to gather so many public officials under one + roof to listen to the addresses of women." + </p> + <p> + The following spring we again went West, with Mrs. Catt, Lucy Anthony, + Miss Hay and Miss Sweet, her secretary, to carry on the Pacific coast + campaign of '96, arranged by Mrs. Cooper and her daughter Harriet, of + Oakland—both women of remarkable executive ability. Headquarters + were secured in San Francisco, and Miss Hay was put in charge, associated + with a large group of California women. It was the second time in the + history of campaigns—the first being in New York—that all the + money to carry on the work was raised by the people of the state. + </p> + <p> + The last days of the campaign were extremely interesting, and one of their + important events was that the Hon. Thomas Reed, then Speaker of the House + of Representatives, for the first time came out publicly for suffrage. Mr. + Reed had often expressed himself privately as in favor of the Cause—but + he had never made a public statement for us. At Oakland, one day, the + indefatigable and irresistible "Aunt Susan" caught him off his guard by + persuading his daughter, Kitty Reed, who was his idol, to ask him to say + just one word in favor of our amendment. When he arose we did not know + whether he had promised what she asked, and as his speech progressed our + hearts sank lower and lower, for all he said was remote from our Cause. + But he ended with these words: + </p> + <p> + "There is an amendment of the constitution pending, granting suffrage to + women. The women of California ought to have suffrage. The men of + California ought to give it to them—and the next speaker, Dr. Shaw, + will tell you why." + </p> + <p> + The word was spoken. And though it was not a very strong word, it came + from a strong man, and therefore helped us. + </p> + <p> + Election day, as usual, brought its surprises and revelations. Mrs. Cooper + asked her Chinese cook how the Chinese were voting—i. e., the + native-born Chinamen who were entitled to vote—and he replied, + blithely, "All Chinamen vote for Billy McKee and 'NO' to women!" It is an + interesting fact that every Chinese vote was cast against us. + </p> + <p> + All day we went from one to another of the polling-places, and I shall + always remember the picture of Miss Anthony and the wife of Senator + Sargent wandering around the polls arm in arm at eleven o'clock at night, + their tired faces taking on lines of deeper depression with every minute; + for the count was against us. However, we made a fairly good showing. When + the final counts came in we found that we had won the state from the north + down to Oakland, and from the south up to San Francisco; but there was not + a sufficient majority to overcome the adverse votes of San Francisco and + Oakland. With more than 230,000 votes cast, we were defeated by only + 10,000 majority. In San Francisco the saloon element and the most + aristocratic section of the city made an equal showing against us, while + the section occupied by the middle working-class was largely in favor of + our amendment. I dwell especially on this campaign, partly because such + splendid work was done by the women of California, and also because, + during the same election, Utah and Idaho granted full suffrage to women. + This gave us four suffrage states—Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, and Idaho—and + we prepared for future struggles with very hopeful hearts. + </p> + <p> + It was during this California campaign, by the way, that I unwittingly + caused much embarrassment to a worthy young man. At a mass-meeting held in + San Francisco, Rabbi Vorsanger, who was not in favor of suffrage for + women, advanced the heartening theory that in a thousand years more they + might possibly be ready for it. After a thousand years of education for + women, of physically developed women, of uncorseted women, he said, we + might have the ideal woman, and could then begin to talk about freedom for + her. + </p> + <p> + When the rabbi sat down there was a shout from the audience for me to + answer him, but all I said was that the ideal woman would be rather + lonely, as it would certainly take another thousand years to develop an + ideal man capable of being a mate for her. On the following night Prof. + Howard Griggs, of Stanford University, made a speech on the modern woman—a + speech so admirably thought out and delivered that we were all delighted + with it. When he had finished the audience again called on me, and I rose + and proceeded to make what my friends frankly called "the worst break" of + my experience. Rabbi Vorsanger's ideal woman was still in my mind, and I + had been rather hard on the men in my reply to the rabbi the night before; + so now I hastened to give this clever young man his full due. I said that + though the rabbi thought it would take a thousand years to make an ideal + woman, I believed that, after all, it might not take as long to make the + ideal man. We had something very near it in a speaker who could reveal + such ability, such chivalry, and such breadth of view as Professor Griggs + had just shown that he possessed. + </p> + <p> + That night I slept the sleep of the just and the well-meaning, and it was + fortunate I did, for the morning newspapers had a surprise for me that + called for steady nerves and a sense of humor. Across the front page of + every one of them ran startling head-lines to this effect: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + DR. SHAW HAS FOUND HER IDEAL MAN + The Prospects Are That She Will + Remain in California +</pre> + <p> + Professor Griggs was young enough to be my son, and he was already married + and the father of two beautiful children; but these facts were not + permitted to interfere with the free play of fancy in journalistic minds. + For a week the newspapers were filled with all sorts of articles, + caricatures, and editorials on my ideal man, which caused me much + annoyance and some amusement, while they plunged Professor Griggs into an + abysmal gloom. In the end, however, the experience proved an excellent one + for him, for the publicity attending his speech made him decide to take up + lecturing as a profession, which he eventually did with great success. But + neither of us has yet heard the last of the Ideal Man episode. Only a few + years ago, on his return to California after a long absence, one of the + leading Sunday newspapers of the state heralded Professor Griggs's arrival + by publishing a full-page article bearing his photograph and mine and this + flamboyant heading: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + SHE MADE HIM + And Dr. Shaw's Ideal Man Became the + Idol of American Women and + Earns $30,000 a Year +</pre> + <p> + We had other unusual experiences in California, and the display of + affluence on every side was not the least impressive of them. In one town, + after a heavy rain, I remember seeing a number of little boys scraping the + dirt from the gutters, washing it, and finding tiny nuggets of gold. We + learned that these boys sometimes made two or three dollars a day in this + way, and that the streets of the town—I think it was Marysville—contained + so much gold that a syndicate offered to level the whole town and repave + the streets in return for the right to wash out the gold. This sounds like + the kind of thing Americans tell to trustful visitors from foreign lands, + but it is quite true. Nuggets, indeed, were so numerous that at one of our + meetings, when we were taking up a collection, I cheerfully suggested that + our audience drop a few into the box, as we had not had a nugget since we + reached the state. There were no nuggets in the subsequent collection, but + there was a note which read: "If Dr. Shaw will accept a gold nugget, I + will see that she does not leave town without one." I read this aloud, and + added, "I have never refused a gold nugget in my life." + </p> + <p> + The following day brought me a pin made of a very beautiful gold nugget, + and a few days later another Californian produced a cluster of smaller + nuggets which he had washed out of a panful of earth and insisted on my + accepting half of them. I was not accustomed to this sort of generosity, + but it was characteristic of the spirit of the state. Nowhere else, during + our campaign experiences, were we so royally treated in every way. As a + single example among many, I may mention that Mrs. Leland Stanford once + happened to be on a train with us and to meet Miss Anthony. As a result of + this chance encounter she gave our whole party passes on all the lines of + the Southern Pacific Railroad, for use during the entire campaign. Similar + generosity was shown us on every side, and the question of finance did not + burden us from the beginning to the end of the California work. + </p> + <p> + In our Utah and Idaho campaigns we had also our full share of new + experiences, and of these perhaps the most memorable to me was the sermon + I preached in the Mormon Tabernacle at Salt Lake City. Before I left New + York the Mormon women had sent me the invitation to preach this sermon, + and when I reached Salt Lake City and the so-called "Gentile" women heard + of the plan, they at once invited me to preach to the "Gentiles" on the + evening of the same Sunday, in the Salt Lake City Opera House. + </p> + <p> + On the morning of the sermon I approached the Mormon Tabernacle with much + more trepidation than I usually experienced before entering a pulpit. I + was not sure what particular kind of trouble I would get into, but I had + an abysmal suspicion that trouble of some sort lay in wait for me, and I + shivered in the anticipation of it. Fortunately, my anxiety was not long + drawn out. I arrived only a few moments before the hour fixed for the + sermon, and found the congregation already assembled and the Tabernacle + filled with the beautiful music of the great organ. On the platform, to + which I was escorted by several leading dignitaries of the church, was the + characteristic Mormon arrangement of seats. The first row was occupied by + the deacons, and in the center of these was the pulpit from which the + deacons preach. Above these seats was a second row, occupied by ordained + elders, and there they too had their own pulpit. The third row was + occupied by, the bishops and the highest dignitaries of the church, with + the pulpit from which the bishops preach; and behind them all, an + effective human frieze, was the really wonderful Mormon choir. + </p> + <p> + As I am an ordained elder in my church, I occupied the pulpit in the + middle row of seats, with the deacons below me and the bishops just + behind. Scattered among the congregation were hundreds of "Gentiles" ready + to leap mentally upon any concession I might make to the Mormon faith; + while the Mormons were equally on the alert for any implied criticism of + them and their church. The problem of preaching a sermon which should + offer some appeal to both classes, without offending either, was a + perplexing one, and I solved it to the best of my ability by delivering a + sermon I had once given in my own church to my own people. When I had + finished I was wholly uncertain of its effect, but at the end of the + services one of the bishops leaned toward me from his place in the rear, + and, to my mingled horror and amusement, offered me this tribute, "That is + one of the best Mormon sermons ever preached in this Tabernacle." + </p> + <p> + I thanked him, but inwardly I was aghast. What had I said to give him such + an impression? I racked my brain, but could recall nothing that justified + it. I passed the day in a state of nervous apprehension, fully expecting + some frank criticism from the "Gentiles" on the score of having delivered + a Mormon sermon to ingratiate myself into the favor of the Mormons and + secure their votes for the constitutional amendment. But nothing of the + kind was said. That evening, after the sermon to the "Gentiles," a + reception was given to our party, and I drew my first deep breath when the + wife of a well-known clergyman came to me and introduced herself in these + words: + </p> + <p> + "My husband could not come here to-night, but he heard your sermon this + morning. He asked me to tell you how glad he was that under such unusual + conditions you held so firmly to the teachings of Christ." + </p> + <p> + The next day I was still more reassured. A reception was given us at the + home of one of Brigham Young's daughters, and the receiving-line was + graced by the presiding elder of the Methodist Episcopal Church. He was a + bluff and jovial gentleman, and when he took my hand he said, warmly, + "Well, Sister Shaw, you certainly gave our Mormon friends the biggest dose + of Methodism yesterday that they ever got in their lives." + </p> + <p> + After this experience I reminded myself again that what Frances Willard so + frequently said is true; All truth is our truth when it has reached our + hearts; we merely rechristen it according to our individual creeds. + </p> + <p> + During the visit I had an interesting conversation with a number of the + younger Mormon women. I was to leave the city on a midnight train, and + about twenty of them, including four daughters of Brigham Young, came to + my hotel to remain with me until it was time to go to the station. They + filled the room, sitting around in school-girl fashion on the floor and + even on the bed. It was an unusual opportunity to learn some things I + wished to know, and I could not resist it. + </p> + <p> + "There are some questions I would like to ask you," I began, "and one or + two of them may seem impertinent. But they won't be asked in that spirit—and + please don't answer any that embarrass you." + </p> + <p> + They exchanged glances, and then told me to ask as many questions as I + wished. + </p> + <p> + "First of all," I said, "I would like to know the real attitude toward + polygamy of the present generation of Mormon women. Do you all believe in + it?" + </p> + <p> + They assured me that they did. + </p> + <p> + "How many of you," I then asked, "are polygamous wives?" + </p> + <p> + There was not one in the group. "But," I insisted, "if you really believe + in polygamy, why is it that some of your husbands have not taken more than + one wife?" + </p> + <p> + There was a moment of silence, while each woman looked around as if + waiting for another to answer. At last one of them said, slowly: + </p> + <p> + "In my case, I alone was to blame. For years I could not force myself to + consent to my husband's taking another wife, though I tried hard. By the + time I had overcome my objection the law was passed prohibiting polygamy." + </p> + <p> + A second member of the group hastened to tell her story. She had had a + similar spiritual struggle, and just as she reached the point where she + was willing to have her husband take another wife, he died. And now the + room was filled with eager voices. Four or five women were telling at once + that they, too, had been reluctant in the beginning, and that when they + had reached the point of consent this, that, or another cause had kept the + husbands from marrying again. They were all so passionately in earnest + that they stared at me in puzzled wonder when I broke into the sudden + laughter I could not restrain. + </p> + <p> + "What fortunate women you all were!" I exclaimed, teasingly. "Not one of + you arrived at the point of consenting to the presence of a second wife in + your home until it was impossible for your husband to take her." + </p> + <p> + They flushed a little at that, and then laughed with me; but they did not + defend themselves against the tacit charge, and I turned the conversation + into less personal channels. I learned that many of the Mormon young men + were marrying girls outside of the Church, and that two sons of a leading + Mormon elder had married and were living very happily with Catholic girls. + </p> + <p> + At this time the Mormon candidate for Congress (a man named Roberts) was a + bitter opponent of woman suffrage. The Mormon women begged me to challenge + him to a debate on the subject, which I did, but Mr. Roberts declined the + challenge. The ground of his refusal, which he made public through the + newspapers, was chastening to my spirit. He explained that he would not + debate with me because he was not willing to lower himself to the + intellectual plane of a woman. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0015" id="link2H_4_0015"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIII. PRESIDENT OF "THE NATIONAL" + </h2> + <p> + In 1900 Miss Anthony, then over eighty, decided that she must resign the + presidency of our National Association, and the question of the successor + she would choose became an important one. It was conceded that there were + only two candidates in her mind—Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt and myself—and + for several months we gave the suffrage world the unusual spectacle of + rivals vigorously pushing each other's claims. Miss Anthony was devoted to + us both, and I think the choice was a hard one for her to make. On the one + hand, I had been vice-president at large and her almost constant companion + for twelve years, and she had grown accustomed to think of me as her + successor. On the other hand, Mrs. Catt had been chairman of the + organization committee, and through her splendid executive ability had + built up our organization in many states. From Miss Anthony down, we all + recognized her steadily growing powers; she had, moreover, abundant means, + which I had not. + </p> + <p> + In my mind there was no question of her superior qualification for the + presidency. She seemed to me the logical and indeed the only possible + successor to Miss Anthony; and I told "Aunt Susan" so with all the + eloquence I could command, while simultaneously Mrs. Catt was pouring into + Miss Anthony's other ear a series of impassioned tributes to me. It was an + unusual situation and a very pleasant one, and it had two excellent + results: it simplified "Aunt Susan's" problem by eliminating the element + of personal ambition, and it led to her eventual choice of Mrs. Catt as + her successor. + </p> + <p> + I will admit here for the first time that in urging Mrs. Catt's fitness + for the office I made the greatest sacrifice of my life. My highest + ambition had been to succeed Miss Anthony, for no one who knew her as I + did could underestimate the honor of being chosen by her to carry on her + work. + </p> + <p> + At the convention in Washington that year she formally refused the + nomination for re-election, as we had all expected, and then, on being + urged to choose her own successor, she stepped forward to do so. It was a + difficult hour, for her fiery soul resented the limitations imposed by her + worn-out body, and to such a worker the most poignant experience in life + is to be forced to lay down one's work at the command of old age. On this + she touched briefly, but in a trembling voice; and then, in furtherance of + the understanding between the three of us, she presented the name of Mrs. + Catt to the convention with all the pride and hope a mother could feel in + the presentation of a daughter. + </p> + <p> + Her faith was fully justified. Mrs. Catt made an admirable president, and + during every moment of the four years she held the office she had Miss + Anthony's whole-hearted and enthusiastic support, while I, too, in my + continued office of vice-president, did my utmost to help her in every + way. In 1904, however, Mrs. Catt was elected president of the + International Suffrage Alliance, as I have mentioned before, and that same + year she resigned the presidency of our National Association, as her + health was not equal to the strain of carrying the two offices. + </p> + <p> + Miss Anthony immediately urged me to accept the presidency of the National + Association, which I was now most unwilling to do; I had lost my ambition + to be president, and there were other reasons, into which I need not go + again, why I felt that I could not accept the post. At last, however, Miss + Anthony actually commanded me to take the place, and there was nothing to + do but obey her. She was then eighty-four, and, as it proved, within two + years of her death. It was no time for me to rebel against her wishes; but + I yielded with the heaviest heart I have ever carried, and after my + election to the presidency at the national convention in Washington I left + the stage, went into a dark corner of the wings, and for the first time + since my girlhood "cried myself sick." + </p> + <p> + In the work I now took up I found myself much alone. Mrs. Catt was really + ill, and the strength of "Aunt Susan" must be saved in every way. Neither + could give me much help, though each did all she should have done, and + more. Mrs. Catt, whose husband had recently died, was in a deeply + despondent frame of mind, and seemed to feel that the future was + hopelessly dark. My own panacea for grief is work, and it seemed to me + that both physically and mentally she would be helped by a wise + combination of travel and effort. During my lifetime I have cherished two + ambitions, and only two: the first, as I have already confessed, had been + to succeed Miss Anthony as president of our association; the second was to + go around the world, carrying the woman-suffrage ideal to every country, + and starting in each a suffrage society. Long before the inception of the + International Suffrage Alliance I had dreamed this dream; and, though it + had receded as I followed it through life, I had never wholly lost sight + of it. Now I realized that for me it could never be more than a dream. I + could never hope to have enough money at my disposal to carry it out, and + it occurred to me that if Mrs. Catt undertook it as president of the + International Suffrage Alliance the results would be of the greatest + benefit to the Cause and to her. + </p> + <p> + In my first visit to her after her husband's death I suggested this plan, + but she replied that it was impossible for her to consider it. I did not + lose thought of it, however, and at the next International Conference, + held in Copenhagen in 1907, I suggested to some of the delegates that we + introduce the matter as a resolution, asking Mrs. Catt to go around the + world in behalf of woman suffrage. They approved the suggestion so + heartily that I followed it up with a speech setting forth the whole plan + and Mrs. Catt's peculiar fitness for the work. Several months later Mrs. + Catt and Dr. Aletta Jacobs, president of the Holland Suffrage Association, + started on their world tour; and not until after they had gone did I fully + realize that the two great personal ambitions of my life had been + realized, not by me, but by another, and in each case with my enthusiastic + co-operation. + </p> + <p> + In 1904, following my election to the presidency, a strong appeal came + from the Board of Managers of the exposition to be held in Portland, + Oregon, urging us to hold our next annual convention there during the + exposition. It was the first time an important body of men had recognized + us in this manner, and we gladly responded. So strong a political factor + did the men of Oregon recognize us to be that every political party in the + state asked to be represented on our platform; and one entire evening of + the convention was given over to the representatives chosen by the various + parties to indorse the suffrage movement. Thus we began in Oregon the good + work we continued in 1906, and of which we reaped the harvest in 1912. + </p> + <p> + Next to "Suffrage Night," the most interesting feature of the exposition + to us was the unveiling of the statue of Saccawagea, the young Indian girl + who led the Lewis and Clark expedition through the dangerous passes of the + mountain ranges of the Northwest until they reached the Pacific coast. + This statue, presented to the exposition by the women of Oregon, is the + belated tribute of the state to its most dauntless pioneer; and no one can + look upon the noble face of the young squaw, whose outstretched hand + points to the ocean, without marveling over the ingratitude of the nation + that ignored her supreme service. To Saccawagea is due the opening up of + the entire western country. There was no one to guide Lewis and Clark + except this Indian, who alone knew the way; and she led the whole party, + carrying her papoose on her back. She was only sixteen, but she brought + every man safely through an experience of almost unparalleled hardship and + danger, nursing them in sickness and setting them an example of + unfaltering courage and endurance, until she stood at last on the Pacific + coast, where her statue stands now, pointing to the wide sweep of the + Columbia River as it flows into the sea. + </p> + <p> + This recognition by women is the only recognition she ever received. Both + Lewis and Clark were sincerely grateful to her and warmly recommended her + to the government for reward; but the government allowed her absolutely + nothing, though each man in the party she had led was given a large tract + of land. Tradition says that she was bitterly disappointed, as well she + might have been, and her Indian brain must have been sadly puzzled. But + she was treated little worse than thousands of the white pioneer women who + have followed her; and standing: there to-day on the bank of her river, + she still seems sorrowfully reflective over the strange ways of the nation + she so nobly served. + </p> + <p> + The Oregon campaign of 1906 was the carrying out of one of Miss Anthony's + dearest wishes, and we who loved her set about this work soon after her + death. In the autumn preceding her passing, headquarters had been + established in Oregon, and Miss Laura Gregg had been placed in charge, + with Miss Gale Laughlin as her associate. As the money for this effort was + raised by the National Association, it was decided, after some discussion, + to let the National Association develop the work in Oregon, which was + admittedly a hard state to carry and full of possible difficulties which + soon became actual ones. + </p> + <p> + As a beginning, the Legislature had failed to submit an amendment; but as + the initiative and referendum was the law in Oregon, the amendment was + submitted through initiative patent. The task of securing the necessary + signatures was not an easy one, but at last a sufficient number of + signatures were secured and verified, and the authorities issued the + necessary proclamation for the vote, which was to take place at a special + election held on the 5th of June. Our campaign work had been carried on as + extensively as possible, but the distances were great and the workers few, + and as a result of the strain upon her Miss Gregg's health soon failed + alarmingly. + </p> + <p> + All this was happening during Miss Anthony's last illness, and it added + greatly to our anxieties. + </p> + <p> + She instructed me to go to Oregon immediately after her death and to take + her sister Mary and her niece Lucy with me, and we followed these orders + within a week of her funeral, arriving in Portland on the third day of + April. I had attempted too much, however, and I proved it by fainting as I + got off the train, to the horror of the friendly delegation waiting to + receive us. The Portland women took very tender care of me, and in a few + days I was ready for work, but we found conditions even worse than we had + expected. Miss Gregg had collapsed utterly and was unable to give us any + information as to what had been done or planned, and we had to make a new + foundation. Miss Laura Clay, who had been in the Portland work for a few + weeks, proved a tower of strength, and we were soon aided further by Ida + Porter Boyer, who came on to take charge of the publicity department. + During the final six weeks of the campaign Alice Stone Blackwell, of + Boston, was also with us, while Kate Gordon took under her special charge + the organization of the city of Portland and the parlor-meeting work. Miss + Clay went into the state, where Emma Smith DeVoe and other speakers were + also working, and I spent my time between the office headquarters and "the + road," often working at my desk until it was time to rush off and take a + train for some town where I was to hold a night meeting. Miss Mary and + Miss Lucy Anthony confined themselves to office-work in the Portland + headquarters, where they gave us very valuable assistance. I have always + believed that we would have carried Oregon that year if the disaster of + the California earthquake had not occurred to divert the minds of Western + men from interest in anything save that great catastrophe. + </p> + <p> + On election day it seemed as if the heavens had opened to pour floods upon + us. Never before or since have I seen such incessant, relentless rain. + Nevertheless, the women of Portland turned out in force, led by Mrs. Sarah + Evans, president of the Oregon State Federation of Women's Clubs, while + all day long Dr. Pohl took me in her automobile from one polling-place to + another. At each we found representative women patiently enduring the + drenching rain while they tried to persuade men to vote for us. We + distributed sandwiches, courage, and inspiration among them, and tried to + cheer in the same way the women watchers, whose appointment we had secured + that year for the first time. Two women had been admitted to every + polling-place—but the way in which we had been able to secure their + presence throws a high-light on the difficulties we were meeting. We had + to persuade men candidates to select these women as watchers; and the only + men who allowed themselves to be persuaded were those running on minority + tickets and hopeless of election—the prohibitionists, the + socialists, and the candidates of the labor party. + </p> + <p> + The result of the election taught us several things. We had been told that + all the prohibitionists and socialists would vote for us. Instead, we + discovered that the percentage of votes for woman suffrage was about the + same in every party, and that whenever the voter had cast a straight vote, + without independence enough to "scratch" his ticket, that vote was usually + against us. On the other hand, when the ticket was "scratched" the vote + was usually in our favor, whatever political party the man belonged to. + </p> + <p> + Another interesting discovery was that the early morning vote was + favorable to our Cause the vote cast by working-men on their way to their + employment. During the middle of the forenoon and afternoon, when the idle + class was at the polls, the vote ran against us. The late vote, cast as + men were returning from their work, was again largely in our favor—and + we drew some conclusions from this. + </p> + <p> + Also, for the first time in the history of any campaign, the + anti-suffragists had organized against us. Portland held a small body of + women with antisuffrage sentiments, and there were others in the state who + formed themselves into an anti-suffrage society and carried on a more or + less active warfare. In this campaign, for the first time, obscene cards + directed against the suffragists were circulated at the polls; and while I + certainly do not accuse the Oregon anti-suffragists of circulating them, + it is a fact that the cards were distributed as coming from the + anti-suffragists—undoubtedly by some vicious element among the men + which had its own good reason for opposing us. The "antis" also suffered + in this campaign from the "pernicious activity" of their spokesman—a + lawyer with an unenviable reputation. After the campaign was over this man + declared that it had cost the opponents of our measure $300,000. + </p> + <p> + In 1907 Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont began to show an interest in suffrage work, + and through the influence of several leaders in the movement, notably that + of Mrs. Ida Husted Harper, she decided to assist in the establishment of + national headquarters in the State of New York. For a long time the + association's headquarters had been in Warren, Ohio, the home of Mrs. + Harriet Taylor Upton, then national treasurer, and it was felt that their + removal to a larger city would have a great influence in developing the + work. In 1909 Mrs. Belmont attended as a delegate the meeting of the + International Suffrage Alliance in London, and her interest in the Cause + deepened. She became convinced that the headquarters of the association + should be in New York City, and at our Seattle convention that same year I + presented to the delegates her generous offer to pay the rent and maintain + a press department for two years, on condition that our national + headquarters were established in New York. + </p> + <p> + This proposition was most gratefully accepted, and we promptly secured + headquarters in one of the most desirable buildings on Fifth Avenue. The + wisdom of the change was demonstrated at once by the extraordinary growth + of the work. During our last year in Warren, for example, the proceeds + from the sale of our literature were between $1,200 and $1,300. During the + first year in New York our returns from such sales were between $13,000 + and $14,000, and an equal growth was evident in our other departments. + </p> + <p> + At the end of two years Mrs. Belmont ceased to support the press + department or to pay the rent, but her timely aid had put us on our feet, + and we were able to continue our splendid progress and to meet our + expenses. + </p> + <p> + The special event of 1908 was the successful completion of the fund + President M. Carey Thomas of Bryn Mawr and Miss Mary Garrett had promised + in 1906 to raise for the Cause. For some time after Miss Anthony's death + nothing more was said of this, but I knew those two indefatigable friends + were not idle, and "Aunt Susan" had died in the blessed conviction that + their success was certain. In 1907 I received a letter from Miss Thomas + telling me that the project was progressing; and later she sent an outline + of her plan, which was to ask a certain number of wealthy persons to give + five hundred dollars a year each for a term of years. In all, a fund of + $60,000 was to be raised, of which we were to have $12,000 a year for five + years; $4,500 of the $12,000 was to be paid in salaries to three active + officers, and the remaining $7,500 was to go toward the work of the + association. The entire fund was to be raised by May 1, 1908, she added, + or the plan would be dropped. + </p> + <p> + I was on a lecture tour in Ohio in April, 1908, when one night, as I was + starting for the hall where the lecture was to be given, my telephone bell + rang. "Long distance wants you," the operator said, and the next minute a + voice I recognized as that of Miss Thomas was offering congratulations. + "The last dollar of the $60,000," she added, "was pledged at four o'clock + this afternoon." + </p> + <p> + I was so overcome by the news that I dropped the receiver and shook in a + violent nervous attack, and this trembling continued throughout my + lecture. It had not seemed possible that such a burden could be lifted + from my shoulders; $7,500 a year would greatly aid our work, and $4,500 a + year, even though divided among three officers, would be a most welcome + help to each. As subsequently arranged, the salaries did not come to us + through the National Association treasury; they were paid directly by Miss + Thomas and Miss Garrett as custodians of the fund. So it is quite correct + to say that no salaries have ever been paid by the National Association to + its officers. + </p> + <p> + Three years later, in 1911, another glorious surprise came to me in a very + innocent-looking letter. It was one of many in a heavy mail, and I opened + it absent-mindedly, for the day had been problem-filled. + </p> + <p> + The writer stated very simply that she wished to put a large amount into + my hands to invest, to draw on, and to use for the Cause as I saw fit. The + matter was to be a secret between us, and she wished no subsequent + accounting, as she had entire faith in my ability to put the money to the + best possible use. + </p> + <p> + The proposition rather dazed me, but I rallied my forces and replied that + I was infinitely grateful, but that the amount she mentioned was a large + one and I would much prefer to share the responsibility of disbursing it. + Could she not select one more person, at least, to share the secret and + act with me? She replied, telling me to make the selection, if I insisted + on having a confidante, and I sent her the names of Miss Thomas and Miss + Garrett, suggesting that as Miss Thomas had done so much of the work in + connection with the $60,000 fund, Miss Garrett might be willing to accept + the detail work of this fund. My friend replied that either of these + ladies would be perfectly satisfactory to her. She knew them both, she + said, and I was to arrange the matter as I chose, as it rested wholly in + my hands. + </p> + <p> + I used this money in subsequent state campaigns, and I am very sure that + to it was largely due the winning of Arizona, Kansas, and Oregon in 1912, + and of Montana and Nevada in 1914. It enabled us for the first time to + establish headquarters, secure an office force, and engage campaign + speakers. I also spent some of it in the states we lost then but will win + later—Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan—using in all more than + fifteen thousand dollars. In September, 1913, I received another check + from the same friend, showing that she at least was satisfied with the + results we had achieved. + </p> + <p> + "It goes to you with my love," she wrote, "and my earnest hopes for + further success—not the least of this a crowning of your faithful, + earnest, splendid work for our beloved Cause. How blessed it is that you + are our president and leader!" + </p> + <p> + I had talked to this woman only twice in my life, and I had not seen her + for years when her first check came; so her confidence in me was an even + greater gift than her royal donation toward our Cause. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0016" id="link2H_4_0016"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS + </h2> + <p> + The interval between the winning of Idaho and Utah in 1896 and that of + Washington in 1910 seemed very long to lovers of the Cause. We were + working as hard as ever—harder, indeed, for the opposition against + us was growing stronger as our opponents realized what triumphant woman + suffrage would mean to the underworld, the grafters, and the whited + sepulchers in public office. But in 1910 we were cheered by our Washington + victory, followed the next year by the winning of California. Then, with + our splendid banner year of 1912 came the winning of three states—Arizona, + Kansas, and Oregon—preceded by a campaign so full of vim and + interest that it must have its brief chronicle here. + </p> + <p> + To begin, we conducted in 1912 the largest number of campaigns we had ever + undertaken, working in six states in which constitutional amendments were + pending—Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Oregon, Arizona, and Kansas. + Personally, I began my work in Ohio in August, with the modest aspiration + of speaking in each of the principal towns in every one of these states. + In Michigan I had the invaluable assistance of Mrs. Lawrence Lewis, of + Philadelphia, and I visited at this time the region of my old home, + greatly changed since the days of my girlhood, and talked to the old + friends and neighbors who had turned out in force to welcome me. They + showed their further interest in the most satisfactory way, by carrying + the amendment in their part of the state. + </p> + <p> + At least four and five speeches a day were expected, and as usual we + traveled in every sort of conveyance, from freight-cars to eighty + horse-power French automobiles. In Eau Clair, Wisconsin, I spoke at the + races immediately after the passing of a procession of cattle. At the end + of the procession rode a woman in an ox-cart, to represent pioneer days. + She wore a calico gown and a sunbonnet, and drove her ox-team with genuine + skill; and the last touch to the picture she made was furnished by the + presence of a beautiful biplane which whirred lightly in the air above + her. The obvious comparison was too good to ignore, so I told my hearers + that their women to-day were still riding in ox-teams while the men soared + in the air, and that women's work in the world's service could be properly + done only when they too were allowed to fly. + </p> + <p> + In Oregon we were joined by Miss Lucy Anthony. There, at Pendleton, I + spoke during the great "round up," holding the meeting at night on the + street, in which thousands of horsemen—cowboys, Indians, and + ranchmen—were riding up and down, blowing horns, shouting, and + singing. It seemed impossible to interest an audience under such + conditions, but evidently the men liked variety, for when we began to + speak they quieted down and closed around us until we had an audience that + filled the streets in every direction and as far as our voices could + reach. Never have we had more courteous or enthusiastic listeners than + those wild and happy horsemen. Best of all, they not only cheered our + sentiments, but they followed up their cheers with their votes. I spoke + from an automobile, and when I had finished one of the cowboys rode close + to me and asked for my New York address. "You will hear from me later," he + said, when he had made a note of it. In time I received a great linen + banner, on which he had made a superb pen-and-ink sketch of himself and + his horse, and in every corner sketches of scenes in the different states + where women voted, together with drawings of all the details of cowboy + equipment. Over these were drawn the words: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + WOMAN SUFFRAGE—WE ARE ALL FOR IT. +</pre> + <p> + The banner hangs to-day in the National Headquarters. + </p> + <p> + In California Mr. Edwards presented me with the money to purchase the + diamond in Miss Anthony's flag pin representing the victory of his state + the preceding year; and in Arizona one of the highlights of the campaign + was the splendid effort of Mrs. Frances Munds, the state president, and + Mrs. Alice Park, of Palo Alto, California, who were carrying on the work + in their headquarters with tremendous courage, and, as it seemed to me, + almost unaided. Mrs. Park's specialty was the distribution of suffrage + literature, which she circulated with remarkable judgment. The Governor of + Arizona was in favor of our Cause, but there were so few active workers + available that to me, at least, the winning of the state was a happy + surprise. + </p> + <p> + In Kansas we stole some of the prestige of Champ Clark, who was making + political speeches in the same region. At one station a brass-band and a + great gathering were waiting for Mr. Clark's train just as our train drew + in; so the local suffragists persuaded the band to play for us, too, and I + made a speech to the inspiring accompaniment of "Hail to the Chief." The + passengers on our train were greatly impressed, thinking it was all for + us; the crowd at the station were glad to be amused until the great man + came, and I was glad of the opportunity to talk to so many representative + men—so we were all happy. + </p> + <p> + In the Soldiers' Home at Leavenworth I told the old men of the days when + my father and brothers left us in the wilderness, and my mother and I + cared for the home while they fought at the front—and I have always + believed that much of the large vote we received at Leavenworth was cast + by those old soldiers. + </p> + <p> + No one who knows the conditions doubts that we really won Michigan that + year as well as the three other states, but strange things were done in + the count. For example, in one precinct in Detroit forty more votes were + counted against our amendment than there were voters in the district. In + other districts there were seven or eight more votes than voters. Under + these conditions it is not surprising that, after the vigorous recounting + following the first wide-spread reports of our success, Michigan was + declared lost to us. + </p> + <p> + The campaign of 1914, in which we won Montana and Nevada, deserves special + mention here. I must express also my regret that as this book will be on + the presses before the campaign of 1915 is ended, I cannot include in + these reminiscences the results of our work in New York and other states. + </p> + <p> + As a beginning of the 1914 campaign I spent a day in Chicago, on the way + to South Dakota, to take my part in a moving-picture suffrage play. It was + my first experience as an actress, and I found it a taxing one. As a + modest beginning I was ordered to make a speech in thirty-three seconds—something + of a task, as my usual time allowance for a speech is one hour. The + manager assured me, however, that a speech of thirty-three seconds made + twenty-seven feet of film—enough, he thought, to convert even a + lieutenant-governor! + </p> + <p> + The Dakota campaigns, as usual, resolved themselves largely into feats of + physical endurance, in which I was inspired by the fine example of the + state presidents—Mrs. John Pyle of South Dakota and Mrs. Clara V. + Darrow of North Dakota. Every day we made speeches from the rear platform + of the trains on which we were traveling—sometimes only two or + three, sometimes half a dozen. One day I rode one hundred miles in an + automobile and spoke in five different towns. Another day I had to make a + journey in a freight-car. It was, with a few exceptions, the roughest + traveling I had yet known, and it took me six hours to reach my + destination. While I was gathering up hair-pins and pulling myself + together to leave the car at the end of the ride I asked the conductor how + far we had traveled. + </p> + <p> + "Forty miles," said he, tersely. + </p> + <p> + "That means forty miles AHEAD," I murmured. "How far up and down?" + </p> + <p> + "Oh, a hundred miles up and down," grinned the conductor, and the exchange + of persiflage cheered us both. + </p> + <p> + Though we did not win, I have very pleasant memories of North Dakota, for + Mrs. Darrow accompanied me during the entire campaign, and took every + burden from my shoulders so efficiently that I had nothing to do but make + speeches. + </p> + <p> + In Montana our most interesting day was that of the State Fair, which + ended with a suffrage parade that I was invited to lead. On this occasion + the suffragists wished me to wear my cap and gown and my doctor's hood, + but as I had not brought those garments with me, we borrowed and I proudly + wore the cap and gown of the Unitarian minister. It was a small but really + beautiful parade, and all the costumes for it were designed by the state + president, Miss Jeannette Rankin, to whose fine work, by the way, combined + with the work of her friends, the winning of Montana was largely due. + </p> + <p> + In Butte the big strike was on, and the town was under martial law. A + large banquet was given us there, and when we drove up to the club-house + where this festivity was to be held we were stopped by two armed guards + who confronted us with stern faces and fixed bayonets. The situation + seemed so absurd that I burst into happy laughter, and thus deeply + offended the earnest young guards who were grasping the fixed bayonets. + This sad memory was wiped out, however, by the interest of the banquet—a + very delightful affair, attended by the mayor of Butte and other local + dignitaries. + </p> + <p> + In Nevada the most interesting feature of the campaign was the splendid + work of the women. In each of the little towns there was the same spirit + of ceaseless activity and determination. The president of the State + Association, Miss Anne Martin, who was at the head of the campaign work, + accompanied me one Sunday when we drove seventy miles in a motor and spoke + four times, and she was also my companion in a wonderful journey over the + mountains. Miss Martin was a tireless and worthy leader of the fine + workers in her state. + </p> + <p> + In Missouri, under the direction of Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, and in + Nebraska, where Mrs. E. Draper Smith was managing the campaign, we had + some inspiring meetings. At Lincoln Mrs. William Jennings Bryan introduced + me to the biggest audience of the year, and the programme took on a + special interest from the fact that it included Mrs. Bryan's debut as a + speaker for suffrage. She is a tall and attractive woman with an extremely + pleasant voice, and she made an admirable speech—clear, terse, and + much to the point, putting herself on record as a strong supporter of the + woman-suffrage movement. There was also an amusing aftermath of this + occasion, which Secretary Bryan himself confided to me several months + later when I met him in Atlantic City. He assured me, with the deep + sincerity he assumes so well, that for five nights after my speech in + Lincoln his wife had kept him awake listening to her report of it—and + he added, solemnly, that he now knew it "by heart." + </p> + <p> + A less pleasing memory of Nebraska is that I lost my voice there and my + activities were sadly interrupted. But I was taken to the home of Mr. and + Mrs. Francis A. Brogan, of Omaha, and supplied with a trained nurse, a + throat specialist, and such care and comfort that I really enjoyed the + enforced rest—knowing, too, that the campaign committee was carrying + on our work with great enthusiasm. + </p> + <p> + In Missouri one of our most significant meetings was in Bowling Green, the + home of Champ Clark, Speaker of the House. Mrs. Clark gave a reception, + made a speech, and introduced me at the meeting, as Mrs. Bryan had done in + Lincoln. She is one of the brightest memories of my Missouri experience, + for, with few exceptions, she is the most entertaining woman I have ever + met. Subsequently we had an all-day motor journey together, during which + Mrs. Clark rarely stopped talking and I even more rarely stopped laughing. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0017" id="link2H_4_0017"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS + </h2> + <p> + From 1887 to 1914 we had a suffrage convention every year, and I attended + each of them. In preceding chapters I have mentioned various convention + episodes of more or less importance. Now, looking back over them all as I + near the end of these reminiscences, I recall a few additional incidents + which had a bearing on later events. There was, for example, the + much-discussed attack on suffrage during the Atlanta convention of 1895, + by a prominent clergyman of that city whose name I mercifully withhold. On + the Sunday preceding our arrival this gentleman preached a sermon warning + every one to keep away from our meetings, as our effort was not to secure + the franchise for women, but to encourage the intermarriage of the black + and white races. Incidentally he declared that the suffragists were trying + to break up the homes of America and degrade the morals of women, and that + we were all infidels and blasphemers. He ended with a personal attack on + me, saying that on the previous Sunday I had preached in the Epworth + Memorial Methodist Church of Cleveland, Ohio, a sermon which was of so + blasphemous a nature that nothing could purify the church after it except + to burn it down. + </p> + <p> + As usual at our conventions, I had been announced to preach the sermon at + our Sunday conference, and I need hardly point out that the reverend + gentleman's charge created a deep public interest in this effort. I had + already selected a text, but I immediately changed my plans and announced + that I would repeat the sermon I had delivered in Cleveland and which the + Atlanta minister considered so blasphemous. The announcement brought out + an audience which filled the Opera House and called for a squad of police + officers to keep in order the street crowd that could not secure entrance. + The assemblage had naturally expected that I would make some reply to the + clergyman's attack, but I made no reference whatever to him. I merely + repeated, with emphasis, the sermon I had delivered in Cleveland. + </p> + <p> + At the conclusion of the service one of the trustees of my reverend + critic's church came and apologized for his pastor. He had a high regard + for him, the trustee said, but in this instance there could be no doubt in + the mind of any one who had heard both sermons that of the two mine was + the tolerant, the reverent, and the Christian one. The attack made many + friends for us, first because of its injustice, and next because of the + good-humored tolerance with which the suffragists accepted it. + </p> + <p> + The Atlanta convention, by the way, was arranged and largely financed by + the Misses Howard—three sisters living in Columbus, Georgia, and + each an officer of the Georgia Woman Suffrage Association. It is a + remarkable fact that in many of our Southern states the suffrage movement + has been led by three sisters. In Kentucky the three Clay sisters were for + many years leaders in the work. In Texas the three Finnegan sisters did + splendid work; in Louisiana the Gordon sisters were our stanchest allies, + while in Virginia we had the invaluable aid of Mary Johnston, the + novelist, and her two sisters. We used to say, laughingly, if there was a + failure to organize any state in the South, that it must be due to the + fact that no family there had three sisters to start the movement. + </p> + <p> + From the Atlanta convention we went directly to Washington to attend the + convention of the National Council of Women, and on the first day of this + council Frederick Douglass came to the meeting. Mr. Douglass had a special + place in the hearts of suffragists, for the reason that at the first + convention ever held for woman suffrage in the United States (at Seneca + Falls, New York) he was the only person present who stood by Elizabeth + Cady Stanton when she presented her resolution in favor of votes for + women. Even Lucretia Mott was startled by this radical step, and privately + breathed into the ear of her friend, "Elizabeth, thee is making us + ridiculous!" Frederick Douglass, however, took the floor in defense of + Mrs. Stanton's motion, a service we suffragists never forgot. + </p> + <p> + Therefore, when the presiding officer of the council, Mrs. May Wright + Sewall, saw Mr. Douglass enter the convention hall in Washington on this + particular morning, she appointed Susan B. Anthony and me a committee to + escort him to a seat on the platform, which we gladly did. Mr. Douglass + made a short speech and then left the building, going directly to his + home. There, on entering his hall, he had an attack of heart failure and + dropped dead as he was removing his overcoat. His death cast a gloom over + the convention, and his funeral, which took place three days later, was + attended by many prominent men and women who were among the delegates. + Miss Anthony and I were invited to take part in the funeral services, and + she made a short address, while I offered a prayer. + </p> + <p> + The event had an aftermath in Atlanta, for it led our clerical enemy to + repeat his charges against us, and to offer the funeral of Frederick + Douglass as proof that we were hand in glove with the negro race. + </p> + <p> + Under the gracious direction of Miss Kate Gordon and the Louisiana Woman + Suffrage Association, we held an especially inspiring convention in New + Orleans in 1903. In no previous convention were arrangements more perfect, + and certainly nowhere else did the men of a community co-operate more + generously with the women in entertaining us. A club of men paid the rent + of our hall, chartered a steamboat and gave us a ride on the Mississippi, + and in many other ways helped to make the occasion a success. Miss Gordon, + who was chairman of the programme committee, introduced the innovation of + putting me before the audience for twenty minutes every evening, at the + close of the regular session, as a target for questions. Those present + were privileged to ask any questions they pleased, and I answered them—if + I could. + </p> + <p> + We were all conscious of the dangers attending a discussion of the negro + question, and it was understood among the Northern women that we must take + every precaution to avoid being led into such discussion. It had not been + easy to persuade Miss Anthony of the wisdom of this course; her way was to + face issues squarely and out in the open. But she agreed that we must + respect the convictions of the Southern men and women who were + entertaining us so hospitably. + </p> + <p> + On the opening night, as I took my place to answer questions, almost the + first slip passed up bore these words: + </p> + <p> + What is your purpose in bringing your convention to the South? Is it the + desire of suffragists to force upon us the social equality of black and + white women? Political equality lays the foundation for social equality. + If you give the ballot to women, won't you make the black and white woman + equal politically and therefore lay the foundation for a future claim of + social equality? + </p> + <p> + I laid the paper on one side and did not answer the question. The second + night it came to me again, put in the same words, and again I ignored it. + The third night it came with this addition: + </p> + <p> + Evidently you do not dare to answer this question. Therefore our + conclusion is that this is your purpose. + </p> + <p> + When I had read this I went to the front of the platform. + </p> + <p> + "Here," I said, "is a question which has been asked me on three successive + nights. I have not answered it because we Northern women had decided not + to enter into any discussion of the race question. But now I am told by + the writer of this note that we dare not answer it. I wish to say that we + dare to answer it if you dare to have it answered—and I leave it to + you to decide whether I shall answer it or not." + </p> + <p> + I read the question aloud. Then the audience called for the answer, and I + gave it in these words, quoted as accurately as I can remember them: + </p> + <p> + "If political equality is the basis of social equality, and if by granting + political equality you lay the foundation for a claim of social equality, + I can only answer that you have already laid that claim. You did not wait + for woman suffrage, but disfranchised both your black and your white + women, thus making them politically equal. But you have done more than + that. You have put the ballot into the hands of your black men, thus + making them the political superiors of your white women. Never before in + the history of the world have men made former slaves the political masters + of their former mistresses!" + </p> + <p> + The point went home and it went deep. I drove it in a little further. + </p> + <p> + "The women of the South are not alone," I said, "in their humiliation. All + the women of America share it with them. There is no other nation in the + world in which women hold the position of political degradation our + American women hold to-day. German women are governed by German men; + French women are governed by French men. But in these United States + American women are governed by every race of men under the light of the + sun. There is not a color from white to black, from red to yellow, there + is not a nation from pole to pole, that does not send its contingent to + govern American women. If American men are willing to leave their women in + a position as degrading as this they need not be surprised when American + women resolve to lift themselves out of it." + </p> + <p> + For a full moment after I had finished there was absolute silence in the + audience. We did not know what would happen. Then, suddenly, as the truth + of the statement struck them, the men began to applaud—and the + danger of that situation was over. + </p> + <p> + Another episode had its part in driving the suffrage lesson home to + Southern women. The Legislature had passed a bill permitting tax-paying + women to vote at any election where special taxes were to be imposed for + improvements, and the first election following the passage of this bill + was one in New Orleans, in which the question of better drainage for the + city was before the public. Miss Gordon and the suffrage association known + as the Era Club entered enthusiastically into the fight for good drainage. + According to the law women could vote by proxy if they preferred, instead + of in person, so Miss Gordon drove to the homes of the old conservative + Creole families and other families whose women were unwilling to vote in + public, and she collected their proxies while incidentally she showed them + what position they held under the law. + </p> + <p> + With each proxy it was necessary to have the signature of a witness, but + according to the Louisiana law no woman could witness a legal document. + Miss Gordon was driven from place to place by her colored coachman, and + after she had secured the proxy of her temporary hostess it was usually + discovered that there was no man around the place to act as a witness. + This was Miss Gordon's opportunity. With a smile of great sweetness she + would say, "I will have Sam come in and help us out"; and the colored + coachman would get down from his box, and by scrawling his signature on + the proxy of the aristocratic lady he would give it the legal value it + lacked. In this way Miss Gordon secured three hundred proxies, and three + hundred very conservative women had an opportunity to compare their legal + standing with Sam's. The drainage bill was carried and interest in woman + suffrage developed steadily. + </p> + <p> + The special incident of the Buffalo convention of 1908 was the receipt of + a note which was passed up to me as I sat on the platform. When I opened + it a check dropped out—a check so large that I was sure it had been + sent by mistake. However, after asking one or two friends on the platform + if I had read it correctly, I announced to the audience that if a certain + amount were subscribed immediately I would reveal a secret—a very + interesting secret. Audiences are as curious as individuals. The amount + was at once subscribed. Then I held up a check for $10,000, given for our + campaign work by Mrs. George Howard Lewis, in memory of Susan B. Anthony, + and I read to the audience the charming letter that accompanied it. The + money was used during the campaigns of the following year—part of it + in Washington, where an amendment was already submitted. + </p> + <p> + In a previous chapter I have described the establishment of our New York + headquarters as a result of the generous offer of Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont at + the Seattle convention in 1909. During our first year in these beautiful + Fifth Avenue rooms Mrs. Pankhurst made her first visit to America, and we + gave her a reception there. This, however, was before the adoption of the + destructive methods which have since marked the activities of the band of + militant suffragists of which Mrs. Pankhurst is president. There has never + been any sympathy among American suffragists for the militant suffrage + movement in England, and personally I am wholly opposed to it. I do not + believe in war in any form; and if violence on the part of men is + undesirable in achieving their ends, it is much more so on the part of + women; for women never appear to less advantage than in physical combats + with men. As for militancy in America, no generation that attempted it + could win. No victory could come to us in any state where militant methods + were tried. They are undignified, unworthy—in other words, + un-American. + </p> + <p> + The Washington convention of 1910 was graced by the presence of President + Taft, who, at the invitation of Mrs. Rachel Foster Avery, made an address. + It was understood, of course, that he was to come out strongly for woman + suffrage; but, to our great disappointment, the President, a most charming + and likable gentleman, seemed unable to grasp the significance of the + occasion. He began his address with fulsome praise of women, which was + accepted in respectful silence. Then he got round to woman suffrage, + floundered helplessly, became confused, and ended with the most + unfortunately chosen words he could have uttered: "I am opposed," he said, + "to the extension of suffrage to women not fitted to vote. You would + hardly expect to put the ballot into the hands of barbarians or savages in + the jungle!" + </p> + <p> + The dropping of these remarkable words into a suffrage convention was + naturally followed by an oppressive silence, which Mr. Taft, now wholly + bereft of his self-possession, broke by saying that the best women would + not vote and the worst women would. + </p> + <p> + In his audience were many women from suffrage states—high-minded + women, wives and mothers, who had voted for Mr. Taft. The remarks to which + they had just listened must have seemed to them a poor return. Some one + hissed—some man, some woman—no one knows which except the + culprit—and a demonstration started which I immediately silenced. + Then the President finished his address. He was very gracious to us when + he left, shaking hands with many of us, and being especially cordial to + Senator Owens's aged mother, who had come to the convention to hear him + make his maiden speech on woman suffrage. I have often wondered what he + thought of that speech as he drove back to the White House. Probably he + regretted as earnestly as we did that he had made it. + </p> + <p> + In 1912, at an official board meeting at Bryn Mawr, Mrs. Stanley McCormack + was appointed to fill a vacancy on the National Board. Subsequently she + contributed $6,000 toward the payment of debts incident to our temporary + connection with the Woman's Journal of Boston, and did much efficient work + for us, To me, personally, the entrance of Mrs. Stanley McCormack into our + work has been a source of the deepest gratification and comfort. I can + truly say of her what Susan B. Anthony said of me, "She is my right + bower." At Nashville, in 1914, she was elected first vice-president, and + to a remarkable degree she has since relieved me of the burden of the + technical work of the presidency, including the oversight of the work at + headquarters. To this she gives all her time, aided by an executive + secretary who takes charge of the routine work of the association. She has + thus made it possible for me to give the greater part of my time to the + field in which such inspiring opportunities still confront us—campaign + work in the various states. + </p> + <p> + To Mrs. Medill McCormack also we are indebted for most admirable work and + enthusiastic support. At the Washington (D.C.) convention in 1913 she was + made the chairman of the Congressional Committee, with Mrs. Antoinette + Funk, Mrs. Helen Gardner of Washington, and Mrs. Booth of Chicago as her + assistants. The results they achieved were so brilliant that they were + unanimously re-elected to the same positions this year, with the addition + of Miss Jeannette Rankin, whose energy and service had helped to win for + us the state of Montana. + </p> + <p> + It was largely due to the work of this Congressional Committee, supported + by the large number of states which had been won for suffrage, that we + secured such an excellent vote in the Lower House of Congress on the bill + to amend the national Constitution granting suffrage to the women of the + United States. This measure, known as the Susan B. Anthony bill, had been + introduced into every Congress for forty-three years by the National Woman + Suffrage Association. In 1914, for the first time, it was brought out of + committee, debated, and voted upon in the Lower House. We received 174 + votes in favor of it to 204 against it. The previous spring, in the same + Congress, the same bill passed the Senate by 35 votes for it to 33 votes + against it. + </p> + <p> + The most interesting features of the Washington convention of 1913 were + the labor mass-meetings led by Jane Addams and the hearing before the + Rules Committee of the Lower House of Congress—the latter the first + hearing ever held before this Committee for the purpose of securing a + Committee on Suffrage in the Lower House to correspond with a similar + committee in the Senate. For many years we had had hearings before the + Judiciary Committee of the Lower House, which was such a busy committee + that it had neither time nor interest to give to our measure. We therefore + considered it necessary to have a special committee of our own. The + hearing began on the morning of Wednesday, the third of December, and + lasted for two hours. Then the anti-suffragists were given time, and their + hearing began the following day, continued throughout that day and during + the morning of the next day, when our National Association was given an + opportunity for rebuttal argument in the afternoon. It was the longest + hearing in the history of the suffrage movement, and one of the most + important. + </p> + <p> + During the session of Congress in 1914 another strenuous effort was made + to secure the appointment of a special suffrage committee in the Lower + House. But when success began to loom large before us the Democrats were + called in caucus by the minority leader, Mr. Underwood, of Alabama, and + they downed our measure by a vote of 127 against it to 58 for it. This was + evidently done by the Democrats because of the fear that the united votes + of Republican and Progressive members, with those of certain Democratic + members, would carry the measure; whereas if this caucus were called, and + an unfavorable vote taken, "the gentlemen's agreement" which controls + Democratic party action in Congress would force Democrats in favor of + suffrage to vote against the appointment of the committee, which of course + would insure its defeat. + </p> + <p> + The caucus blocked the appointment of the committee, but it gave great + encouragement to the suffragists of the country, for they knew it to be a + tacit admission that the measure would receive a favorable vote if it came + before Congress unhampered. + </p> + <p> + Another feature of the 1913 convention was the new method of electing + officers, by which a primary vote was taken on nominations, and afterward + a regular ballot was cast; one officer was added to the members of the + official board, making nine instead of eight, the former number. The new + officers elected were Mrs. Breckenridge of Kentucky, the + great-granddaughter of Henry Clay, and Mrs. Catherine Ruutz-Rees of + Greenwich, Connecticut. The old officers were re-elected—Miss Jane + Addams as first vice-president, Mrs. Breckenridge and Mrs. Ruutz-Rees as + second and third vice-presidents, Mrs. Mary Ware Dennett as corresponding + secretary, Mrs. Susan Fitzgerald as recording secretary, Mrs. Stanley + McCormack as treasurer, Mrs. Joseph Bowen of Chicago and Mrs. James Lees + Laidlaw of New York City as auditors. + </p> + <p> + It would be difficult to secure a group of women of more marked ability, + or better-known workers in various lines of philanthropic and educational + work, than the members composing this admirable board. At the convention + of 1914, held in Nashville, several of them resigned, and at present (in + 1914) the "National's" affairs are in the hands of this inspiring group, + again headed by the much-criticized and chastened writer of these + reminiscences: + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Mrs. Stanley McCormack, first vice-president. + Mrs. Desha Breckenridge, second vice-president. + Dr. Katharine B. Davis, third vice-president. + Mrs. Henry Wade Rogers, treasurer. + Mrs. John Clark, corresponding secretary. + Mrs. Susan Walker Fitzgerald, recording secretary. + Mrs. Medill McCormack, } + } Auditors + Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, of Missouri } +</pre> + <p> + In a book of this size, and covering the details of my own life as well as + the development of the great Cause, it is, of course, impossible to + mention by name each woman who has worked for us—though, indeed, I + would like to make a roll of honor and give them all their due. In looking + back I am surprised to see how little I have said about many women with + whom I have worked most closely—Rachel Foster Avery, for example, + with whom I lived happily for several years; Ida Husted Harper, the + historian of the suffrage movement and the biographer of Miss Anthony, + with whom I made many delightful voyages to Europe; Alice Stone Blackwell, + Rev. Mary Saffard, Jane Addams, Katharine Waugh McCullough, Ella Stewart, + Mrs. Mary Wood Swift, Mrs. Mary S. Sperry, Mary Cogshall, Florence Kelly, + Mrs. Ogden Mills Reid and Mrs. Norman Whitehouse (to mention only two of + the younger "live wires" in our New York work), Sophonisba Breckenridge, + Mrs. Clara B. Arthur, Rev. Caroline Bartlett Crane, Mrs. James Lees + Laidlaw, Mrs. Raymond Brown, the splendidly executive president of our New + York State Suffrage Association, and my benefactress, Mrs. George Howard + Lewis of Buffalo. To all of them, and to thousands of others, I make my + grateful acknowledgment of indebtedness for friendship and for help. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0018" id="link2H_4_0018"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES + </h2> + <p> + I have said much of the interest attending the international meetings held + in Chicago, London, Berlin, and Stockholm. That I have said less about + those in Copenhagen, Geneva, The Hague, Budapest, and other cities does + not mean that these were less important, and certainly the wonderful women + leaders of Europe who made them so brilliant must not be passed over in + silence. + </p> + <p> + First, however, the difference between the Suffrage Alliance meetings and + the International Council meetings should be explained. The Council + meetings are made up of societies from the various nations which are + auxiliary to the International Council—these societies representing + all lines of women's activities, whether educational, industrial, or + social, while the membership, including more than eleven million women, + represents probably the largest organization of women in the world. The + International Suffrage Alliance represents the suffrage interest + primarily, whereas the International Council has only a suffrage + department. So popular did this International Alliance become after its + formation in Berlin by Mrs. Catt, in 1904, that at the Copenhagen meeting, + only three years later, more than sixteen different nations were + represented by regular delegates. + </p> + <p> + It was unfortunate, therefore, that I chose this occasion to make a + spectacular personal failure in the pulpit. I had been invited to preach + the convention sermon, and for the first time in my life I had an + interpreter. Few experiences, I believe, can be more unpleasant than to + stand up in a pulpit, utter a remark, and then wait patiently while it is + repeated in a tongue one does not understand, by a man who is putting its + gist in his own words and quite possibly giving it his own interpretative + twist. I was very unhappy, and I fear I showed it, for I felt, as I looked + at the faces of those friends who understood Danish, that they were not + getting what I was giving them. Nor were they, for I afterward learned + that the interpreter, a good orthodox brother, had given the sermon an + ultra-orthodox bias which those who knew my creed certainly did not + recognize. The whole experience greatly disheartened me, but no doubt it + was good for my soul. + </p> + <p> + During the Copenhagen meeting we were given a banquet by the City Council, + and in the course of his speech of welcome one of the city fathers airily + remarked that he hoped on our next visit to Copenhagen there would be + women members in the Council to receive us. At the time this seemed merely + a pleasant jest, but two years from that day a bill was enacted by + Parliament granting municipal suffrage to the women of Denmark, and seven + women were elected to the City Council of Copenhagen. So rapidly does the + woman suffrage movement grow in these inspiring days! + </p> + <p> + Recalling the International Council of 1899 in London, one of my most + vivid pictures has Queen Victoria for its central figure. The English + court was in mourning at the time and no public audiences were being held; + but we were invited to Windsor with the understanding that, although the + Queen could not formally receive us, she would pass through our lines, + receiving Lady Aberdeen and giving the rest of us an opportunity to + courtesy and obtain Her Majesty's recognition of the Cause. The Queen + arranged with her chamberlain that we should be given tea and a collation; + but before this refreshment was served, indeed immediately after our + arrival, she entered her familiar little pony-cart and was driven slowly + along lines of bowing women who must have looked like a wheat-field in a + high wind. + </p> + <p> + Among us was a group of Indian women, and these, dressed in their native + costumes, contributed a picturesque bit of brilliant color to the scene as + they deeply salaamed. They arrested the eye of the Queen, who stopped and + spoke a few cordial words to them. This gave the rest of us an excellent + opportunity to observe her closely, and I admit that my English blood + stirred in me suddenly and loyally as I studied the plump little figure. + She was dressed entirely and very simply in black, with a quaint flat + black hat and a black cape. The only bit of color about her was a + black-and-white parasol with a gold handle. It was, however, her face + which held me, for it gave me a wholly different impression of the Queen + from those I had received from her photographs. Her pictured eyes were + always rather cold, and her pictured face rather haughty; but there was a + very sweet and winning softness in the eyes she turned upon the Indian + women, and her whole expression was unexpectedly gentle and benignant. + Behind her, as a personal attendant, strode an enormous East-Indian in + full native costume, and closely surrounding her were gentlemen of her + household, each in uniform. + </p> + <p> + By this time my thoughts were on my courtesy, which I desired to make + conventional if not graceful; but nature has not made it easy for me to + double to the earth as Lady Aberdeen and the Indian women were doing, and + I fear I accomplished little save an exhibition of good intentions. The + Queen, however, was getting into the spirit of the occasion. She stopped + to speak to a Canadian representative, and she would, I think, have ended + by talking to many others; but, just at the psychological moment, a woman + rushed out of the line, seized Her Majesty's hand and kissed it—and + Victoria, startled and possibly fearing a general onslaught, hurriedly + passed on. + </p> + <p> + Another picture I recall was made by the Duchess of Sutherland, the + Countess of Aberdeen, and the Countess of Warwick standing together to + receive us at the foot of the marble stairway in Sutherland House. All of + them literally blazed with jewels, and the Countess of Aberdeen wore the + famous Aberdeen emerald. At Lady Battersea's reception I had my first + memorial meeting with Mary Anderson Navarro, and was able to thank her for + the pleasure she had given me in Boston so long ago. Then I reproached her + mildly for taking herself away from us, pointing out that a great gift had + been given her which she should have continued to share with the world. + </p> + <p> + "Come and see my baby," laughed Madame Navarro. "That's the best argument + I can offer to refute yours." + </p> + <p> + At the same reception I had an interesting talk with James Bryce. He had + recently written his American Commonwealth, and I had just read it. It + was, therefore, the first subject I introduced in our conversation. Mr. + Bryce's comment amused me. He told me he had quite changed his opinion + toward the suffrage aspirations of women, because so many women had read + his book that he really believed they were intelligent, and he had come to + feel much more kindly toward them. These were not his exact words, but his + meaning was unmistakable and his mental attitude artlessly sincere. And, + on reflection, I agree with him that the American Commonwealth is + something of an intellectual hurdle for the average human mind. + </p> + <p> + In 1908 the International Council was held in Geneva, and here, for the + first time, we were shown, as entertainment, the dances of a country—the + scene being an especially brilliant one, as all the dancers wore their + native costumes. Also, for the first time in the history of Geneva, the + buildings of Parliament were opened to women and a woman's organization + was given the key to the city. At that time the Swiss women were making + their fight for a vote in church matters, and we helped their cause as + much as we could. To-day many Swiss women are permitted to exercise this + right—the first political privilege free Switzerland has given them. + </p> + <p> + The International Alliance meeting in Amsterdam in 1909 was the largest + held up to that time, and much of its success was due to Dr. Aletta + Jacobs, the president of the National Suffrage Association of Holland. Dr. + Jacobs had some wonderful helpers among the women of her country, and she + herself was an ideal leader—patient, enthusiastic, and tireless. + That year the governments of Australia, Norway, and Finland paid the + expenses of the delegates from those countries—a heartening + innovation. One of the interesting features of the meeting was a cantata + composed for the occasion and given by the Queen's Royal Band, under the + direction of a woman—Catharine van Rennes, one of the most + distinguished composers and teachers in Holland. She wrote both words and + music of her cantata and directed it admirably; and the musicians of the + Queen's Band entered fully into its spirit and played like men inspired. + That night we had more music, as well as a never-to-be-forgotten + exhibition of folk-dancing. + </p> + <p> + The same year, in June, we held the meeting of the International Council + in Toronto, and, as Canada has never been eagerly interested in suffrage, + an unsuccessful effort was made to exclude this subject from the + programme. I was asked to preside at the suffrage meetings on the artless + and obvious theory that I would thus be kept too busy to say much. I had + hoped that the Countess of Aberdeen, who was the president of the + International Council, would take the chair; but she declined to do this, + or even to speak, as the Earl of Aberdeen had recently been appointed + Viceroy of Ireland, and she desired to spare him any embarrassment which + might be caused by her public activities. We recognized the wisdom of her + decision, but, of course, regretted it; and I was therefore especially + pleased when, on suffrage night, the countess, accompanied by her aides in + their brilliant uniforms, entered the hall. We had not been sure that she + would be with us, but she entered in her usual charming and gracious + manner, took a seat beside me on the platform, and showed a deep interest + in the programme and the great gathering before us. + </p> + <p> + As the meeting went on I saw that she was growing more and more + enthusiastic, and toward the end of the evening I quietly asked her if she + did not wish to say a few words. She said she would say a very few. I had + put myself at the end of the programme, intending to talk about twenty + minutes; but before beginning my speech I introduced the countess, and by + this time she was so enthusiastic that, to my great delight, she used up + my twenty minutes in a capital speech in which she came out vigorously for + woman suffrage. It gave us the best and timeliest help we could have had, + and was a great impetus to the movement. + </p> + <p> + In London, at the Alliance Council of 1911, we were entertained for the + first time by a suffrage organization of men, and by the organized + actresses of the nation, as well as by the authors. + </p> + <p> + In Stockholm, the following year, we listened to several of the most + interesting women speakers in the world—Selma Lagerlof, who had just + received the Nobel prize, Rosica Schwimmer of Hungary, Dr. Augsburg of + Munich, and Mrs. Philip Snowden of England. Miss Schwimmer and Mrs. + Snowden have since become familiar to American audiences, but until that + time I had not heard either of them, and I was immensely impressed by + their ability and their different methods—Miss Schwimmer being all + force and fire, alive from her feet to her finger-tips, Mrs. Snowden all + quiet reserve and dignity. Dr. Augsburg wore her hair short and dressed in + a most eccentric manner; but we forgot her appearance as we listened to + her, for she was an inspired speaker. + </p> + <p> + Selma Lagerlof's speech made the great audience weep. Men as well as women + openly wiped their eyes as she described the sacrifice and suffering of + Swedish women whose men had gone to America to make a home there, and who, + when they were left behind, struggled alone, waiting and hoping for the + message to join their husbands, which too often never came. The speech + made so great an impression that we had it translated and distributed + among the Swedes of the United States wherever we held meetings in Swedish + localities. + </p> + <p> + Miss Lagerlof interested me extremely, and I was delighted by an + invitation to breakfast with her one morning. At our first meeting she had + seemed rather cold and shy—a little "difficult," as we say; but when + we began to talk I found her frank, cordial, and full of magnetism. She is + self-conscious about her English, but really speaks our language very + well. Her great interest at the time was in improving the condition of the + peasants near her home. She talked of this work and of her books and of + the Council programme with such friendly intimacy that when we parted I + felt that I had always known her. + </p> + <p> + At the Hague Council in 1913 I was the guest of Mrs. Richard Halter, to + whom I am also indebted for a beautiful and wonderful motor journey from + end to end of Holland, bringing up finally in Amsterdam at the home of Dr. + Aletta Jacobs. Here we met two young Holland women, Miss Boissevain and + Rosa Manus, both wealthy, both anxious to help their countrywomen, but + still a little uncertain as to the direction of their efforts. They came + to Mrs. Catt and me and asked our advice as to what they should do, with + the result that later they organized and put through, largely unaided, a + national exposition showing the development of women's work from 1813 to + 1913. The suffrage-room at this exposition showed the progress of suffrage + in all parts of the world; but when the Queen of Holland visited the + building she expressed a wish not to be detained in this room, as she was + not interested in suffrage. The Prince Consort, however, spent much time + in it, and wanted the whole suffrage movement explained to him, which was + done cheerfully and thoroughly by Miss Boissevain and Miss Manus. The + following winter, when the Queen read her address from the throne, she + expressed an interest in so changing the Constitution of Holland that + suffrage might possibly be extended to women. We felt that this change of + heart was due to the suffrage-room arranged by our two young friends—aided, + probably, by a few words from the Prince Consort! + </p> + <p> + Immediately after these days at Amsterdam we started for Budapest to + attend the International Alliance Convention there, and incidentally we + indulged in a series of two-day conventions en route—one at Berlin, + one at Dresden, one at Prague, and one at Vienna. At Prague I disgraced + myself by being in my hotel room in a sleep of utter exhaustion at the + hour when I was supposed to be responding to an address of welcome by the + mayor; and the high-light of the evening session in that city falls on the + intellectual brow of a Bohemian lady who insisted on making her address in + the Czech language, which she poured forth for exactly one hour and + fifteen minutes. I began my address at a quarter of twelve and left the + hall at midnight. Later I learned that the last speaker began her remarks + at a quarter past one in the morning. + </p> + <p> + It may be in order to add here that Vienna did for me what Berlin had done + for Susan B. Anthony—it gave me the ovation of my life. At the + conclusion of my speech the great audience rose and, still standing, + cheered for many minutes. I was immensely surprised and deeply touched by + the unexpected tribute; but any undue elation I might have experienced was + checked by the memory of the skeptical snort with which one of my auditors + had received me. He was very German, and very, very frank. After one + pained look at me he rose to leave the hall. + </p> + <p> + "THAT old woman!" he exclaimed. "She cannot make herself heard." + </p> + <p> + He was half-way down the aisle when the opening words of my address caught + up with him and stopped him. Whatever their meaning may have been, it was + at least carried to the far ends of that great hall, for the old fellow + had piqued me a bit and I had given my voice its fullest volume. He + crowded into an already over-occupied pew and stared at me with goggling + eyes. + </p> + <p> + "Mein Gott!" he gasped. "Mein Gott, she could be heard ANYWHERE." + </p> + <p> + The meeting at Budapest was a great personal triumph for Mrs. Catt. No + one, I am sure, but the almost adored president of the International + Suffrage Alliance could have controlled a convention made up of women of + so many different nationalities, with so many different viewpoints, while + the confusion of languages made a general understanding seem almost + hopeless. But it was a great success in every way—and a delightful + feature of it was the hospitality of the city officials and, indeed, of + the whole Hungarian people. After the convention I spent a week with the + Contessa Iska Teleki in her chateau in the Tatra Mountains, and a + friendship was there formed which ever since has been a joy to me. + Together we walked miles over the mountains and along the banks of + wonderful streams, while the countess, who knows all the folk-lore of her + land, told me stories and answered my innumerable questions. When I left + for Vienna I took with me a basket of tiny fir-trees from the tops of the + Tatras; and after carrying the basket to and around Vienna, Florence, and + Genoa, I finally got the trees home in good condition and proudly added + them to the "Forest of Arden" on my place at Moylan. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0019" id="link2H_4_0019"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + XVII. VALE! + </h2> + <p> + In looking back over the ten years of my administration as president of + the National American Woman Suffrage Association, there can be no feeling + but gratitude and elation over the growth of the work. Our membership has + grown from 17,000 women to more than 200,000, and the number of auxiliary + societies has increased in proportion. + </p> + <p> + Instead of the old-time experience of one campaign in ten years, we now + have from five to ten campaigns each year. From an original yearly + expenditure of $14,000 or $15,000 in our campaign work, we now expend from + $40,000 to $50,000. In New York, in 1915, we have already received pledges + of $150,000 for the New York State campaign alone, while Pennsylvania, + Massachusetts, and New Jersey have made pledges in proportion. + </p> + <p> + In 1906 full suffrage prevailed in four states; we now have it in twelve. + Our movement has advanced from its academic stage until it has become a + vital political factor; no reform in the country is more heralded by the + press or receives more attention from the public. It has become an issue + which engages the attention of the entire nation—and toward this + result every woman working for the Cause has contributed to an inspiring + degree. Splendid team-work, and that alone, has made our present success + possible and our eventual triumph in every state inevitable. Every officer + in our organization, every leader in our campaigns, every speaker, every + worker in the ranks, however humble, has done her share. + </p> + <p> + I do not claim anything so fantastic and Utopian as universal harmony + among us. We have had our troubles and our differences. I have had mine. + At every annual convention since the one at Washington in 1910 there has + been an effort to depose me from the presidency. There have been some + splendid fighters among my opponents—fine and high-minded women who + sincerely believe that at sixty-eight I am getting too old for my big job. + Possibly I am. Certainly I shall resign it with alacrity when the majority + of women in the organization wish me to do so. At present a large majority + proves annually that it still has faith in my leadership, and with this + assurance I am content to work on. + </p> + <p> + Looking back over the period covered by these reminiscences, I realize + that there is truth in the grave charge that I am no longer young; and + this truth was once voiced by one of my little nieces in a way that + brought it strongly home to me. She and her small sister of six had + declared themselves suffragettes, and as the first result of their + conversion to the Cause both had been laughed at by their schoolmates. The + younger child came home after this tragic experience, weeping bitterly and + declaring that she did not wish to be a suffragette any more—an + exhibition of apostasy for which her wise sister of eight took her roundly + to task. + </p> + <p> + "Aren't you ashamed of yourself," she demanded, "to stop just because you + have been laughed at once? Look at Aunt Anna! SHE has been laughed at for + hundreds of years!" + </p> + <p> + I sometimes feel that it has indeed been hundreds of years since my work + began; and then again it seems so brief a time that, by listening for a + moment, I fancy I can hear the echo of my childish-voice preaching to the + trees in the Michigan woods. + </p> + <p> + But long or short, the one sure thing is that, taking it all in all, the + struggles, the discouragements, the failures, and the little victories, + the fight has been, as Susan B. Anthony said in her last hours, "worth + while." Nothing bigger can come to a human being than to love a great + Cause more than life itself, and to have the privilege throughout life of + working for that Cause. + </p> + <p> + As for life's other gifts, I have had some of them, too. I have made many + friendships; I have looked upon the beauty of many lands; I have the + assurance of the respect and affection of thousands of men and women I + have never even met. Though I have given all I had, I have received a + thousand times more than I have given. Neither the world nor my Cause is + indebted to me but from the depths of a full and very grateful heart I + acknowledge my lasting indebtedness to them both. + </p> + <p> + THE END <br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Story of a Pioneer, by Anna Howard Shaw + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STORY OF A PIONEER *** + +***** This file should be named 354-h.htm or 354-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/354/ + +Produced by Mike Lough, and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Story of a Pioneer + With The Collaboration Of Elizabeth Jordan + +Author: Anna Howard Shaw + +Posting Date: July 11, 2008 [EBook #354] +Release Date: November 12, 1995 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STORY OF A PIONEER *** + + + + +Produced by Mike Lough + + + + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER + +By Anna Howard Shaw, D.D., M.D. + +With The Collaboration Of Elizabeth Jordan + + +TO THE WOMEN PIONEERS OF AMERICA + + They cut a path through tangled underwood + Of old traditions, out to broader ways. + They lived to here their work called brave and good, + But oh! the thorns before the crown of bays. + The world gives lashes to its Pioneers + Until the goal is reached--then deafening cheers. + + Adapted by ANNA HOWARD SHAW. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +I. FIRST MEMORIES + +II. IN THE WILDERNESS + +III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES + +VII. THE GREAT CAUSE + +VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE FIELD + +IX. "AUNT SUSAN" + +X. THE PASSING OF "AUNT SUSAN" + +XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +XII. BUILDING A HOME + +XIII. PRESIDENT OF "THE NATIONAL" + +XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES + +XVII. VALE! + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW IN HER PULPIT ROBES + +LOCH-AN-EILAN CASTLE + +DR SHAW'S MOTHER, NICOLAS SHAW, AT SEVENTEEN + +ALNWICK CASTLE + +DR. SHAW AT THIRTY-TWO + +DR. SHAW AT FIFTY + +DR. SHAW AND "HER BABY"--THE DAUGHTER OF RACHEL FOSTER AVERY + +DR. SHAW'S MOTHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S FATHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S SISTER MARY, WHO DIED IN 1883 + +LUCY E. ANTHONY, DR. SHAW S FRIEND AND "AUNT SUSAN'S" +FAVORITE NIECE + +THE WOOD ROAD NEAR DR. SHAW'S CAPE COD HOME, THE HAVEN + +DR. SHAW'S COTTAGE, THE HAVEN, AT WIANNO, CAPE +COD--THE FIRST HOME SHE BUILT + +GATE ENTRANCE TO DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +THE SECOND HOUSE THAT DR. SHAW BUILT + +SUSAN B. ANTHONY + +MISS MARY GARRETT, THE LIFE-LONG FRIEND OF MISS THOMAS + +MISS M. CAREY THOMAS, PRESIDENT OF BRYN MAWR COLLEGE + +ELIZABETH CADY STANTON + +CARRIE CHAPMAN CATT + +LUCY STONE + +MARY A. LIVERMORE + +FOUR PIONEERS IN THE SUFFRAGE MOVEMENT + +FIREPLACE IN THE LIVING-ROOM, SHOWING AUNT +SUSAN'S" CHAIR + +HALLWAY IN DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +DR. SHAW'S HOME (ALNWICK LODGE) AND HER TWO OAKS + +THE VERANDA AT ALNWICK LODGE + +SACCAWAGEA + +ALNWICK LODGE, DR. SHAW'S HOME + +THE ROCK-BORDERED BROOK WHICH DR. SHAW LOVES + + + + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER + + + + +I. FIRST MEMORIES + +My father's ancestors were the Shaws of Rothiemurchus, in Scotland, +and the ruins of their castle may still be seen on the island of +Loch-an-Eilan, in the northern Highlands. It was never the picturesque +castle of song and story, this home of the fighting Shaws, but an +austere fortress, probably built in Roman times; and even to-day the +crumbling walls which alone are left of it show traces of the relentless +assaults upon them. Of these the last and the most successful were made +in the seventeenth century by the Grants and Rob Roy; and it was into +the hands of the Grants that the Shaw fortress finally fell, about 1700, +after almost a hundred years of ceaseless warfare. + +It gives me no pleasure to read the grisly details of their struggles, +but I confess to a certain satisfaction in the knowledge that my +ancestors made a good showing in the defense of what was theirs. Beyond +doubt they were brave fighters and strong men. There were other sides to +their natures, however, which the high lights of history throw up +less appealingly. As an instance, we have in the family chronicles the +blood-stained page of Allen Shaw, the oldest son of the last Lady Shaw +who lived in the fortress. It appears that when the father of this +young man died, about 1560, his mother married again, to the intense +disapproval of her son. For some time after the marriage he made no open +revolt against the new-comer in the domestic circle; but finally, on the +pretext that his dog had been attacked by his stepfather, he forced a +quarrel with the older man and the two fought a duel with swords, after +which the victorious Allen showed a sad lack of chivalry. He not only +killed his stepfather, but he cut off that gentleman's head and bore it +to his mother in her bedchamber--an action which was considered, even in +that tolerant age, to be carrying filial resentment too far. + +Probably Allen regretted it. Certainly he paid a high penalty for it, +and his clan suffered with him. He was outlawed and fled, only to be +hunted down for months, and finally captured and executed by one of the +Grants, who, in further virtuous disapproval of Allen's act, seized and +held the Shaw stronghold. The other Shaws of the clan fought long and +ably for its recovery, but though they were helped by their kinsmen, the +Mackintoshes, and though good Scotch blood dyed the gray walls of the +fortress for many generations, the castle never again came into the +hands of the Shaws. It still entails certain obligations for the Grants, +however, and one of these is to give the King of England a snowball +whenever he visits Loch-an-Eilan! + +As the years passed the Shaw clan scattered. Many Shaws are still to be +found in the Mackintosh country and throughout southern Scotland. Others +went to England, and it was from this latter branch that my father +sprang. His name was Thomas Shaw, and he was the younger son of a +gentleman--a word which in those days seemed to define a man who devoted +his time largely to gambling and horse-racing. My grandfather, like his +father before him, was true to the traditions of his time and class. +Quite naturally and simply he squandered all he had, and died abruptly, +leaving his wife and two sons penniless. They were not, however, a +helpless band. They, too, had their traditions, handed down by the +fighting Shaws. Peter, the older son, became a soldier, and died bravely +in the Crimean War. My father, through some outside influence, turned +his attention to trade, learning to stain and emboss wallpaper by hand, +and developing this work until he became the recognized expert in +his field. Indeed, he progressed until he himself checked his rise by +inventing a machine that made his handwork unnecessary. His employer at +once claimed and utilized this invention, to which, by the laws of those +days, he was entitled, and thus the cornerstone on which my father had +expected to build a fortune proved the rock on which his career was +wrecked. But that was years later, in America, and many other things had +happened first. + +For one, he had temporarily dropped his trade and gone into the +flour-and-grain business; and, for another, he had married my mother. +She was the daughter of a Scotch couple who had come to England and +settled in Alnwick, in Northumberland County. Her father, James Stott, +was the driver of the royal-mail stage between Alnwick and Newcastle, +and his accidental death while he was still a young man left my +grandmother and her eight children almost destitute. She was immediately +given a position in the castle of the Duke of Northumberland, and +her sons were educated in the duke's school, while her daughters were +entered in the school of the duchess. + +My thoughts dwell lovingly on this grandmother, Nicolas Grant Stott, for +she was a remarkable woman, with a dauntless soul and progressive ideas +far in advance of her time. She was one of the first Unitarians in +England, and years before any thought of woman suffrage entered the +minds of her country-women she refused to pay tithes to the support of +the Church of England--an action which precipitated a long-drawn-out +conflict between her and the law. In those days it was customary to +assess tithes on every pane of glass in a window, and a portion of the +money thus collected went to the support of the Church. Year after year +my intrepid grandmother refused to pay these assessments, and year after +year she sat pensively upon her door-step, watching articles of her +furniture being sold for money to pay her tithes. It must have been +an impressive picture, and it was one with which the community became +thoroughly familiar, as the determined old lady never won her fight and +never abandoned it. She had at least the comfort of public sympathy, for +she was by far the most popular woman in the countryside. Her neighbors +admired her courage; perhaps they appreciated still more what she did +for them, for she spent all her leisure in the homes of the very poor, +mending their clothing and teaching them to sew. Also, she left behind +her a path of cleanliness as definite as the line of foam that follows +a ship; for it soon became known among her protegees that Nicolas Stott +was as much opposed to dirt as she was to the payment of tithes. + +She kept her children in the schools of the duke and duchess until they +had completed the entire course open to them. A hundred times, and among +many new scenes and strange people, I have heard my mother describe her +own experiences as a pupil. All the children of the dependents of the +castle were expected to leave school at fourteen years of age. During +their course they were not allowed to study geography, because, in the +sage opinion of their elders, knowledge of foreign lands might make +them discontented and inclined to wander. Neither was composition +encouraged--that might lead to the writing of love-notes! But they were +permitted to absorb all the reading and arithmetic their little brains +could hold, while the art of sewing was not only encouraged, but +proficiency in it was stimulated by the award of prizes. My mother, +being a rather precocious young person, graduated at thirteen and +carried off the first prize. The garment she made was a linen chemise +for the duchess, and the little needlewoman had embroidered on it, with +her own hair, the august lady's coat of arms. The offering must have +been appreciated, for my mother's story always ended with the same +words, uttered with the same air of gentle pride, "And the duchess +gave me with her own hands my Bible and my mug of beer!" She never saw +anything amusing in this association of gifts, and I always stood behind +her when she told the incident, that she might not see the disrespectful +mirth it aroused in me. + +My father and mother met in Alnwick, and were married in February, 1835. +Ten years after his marriage father was forced into bankruptcy by the +passage of the corn law, and to meet the obligations attending +his failure he and my mother sold practically everything they +possessed--their home, even their furniture. Their little sons, who were +away at school, were brought home, and the family expenses were cut down +to the barest margin; but all these sacrifices paid only part of the +debts. My mother, finding that her early gift had a market value, took +in sewing. Father went to work on a small salary, and both my parents +saved every penny they could lay aside, with the desperate determination +to pay their remaining debts. It was a long struggle and a painful one, +but they finally won it. Before they had done so, however, and during +their bleakest days, their baby died, and my mother, like her mother +before her, paid the penalty of being outside the fold of the Church of +England. She, too, was a Unitarian, and her baby, therefore, could not +be laid in any consecrated burial-ground in her neighborhood. She had +either to bury it in the Potter's Field, with criminals, suicides, and +paupers, or to take it by stage-coach to Alnwick, twenty miles away, and +leave it in the little Unitarian churchyard where, after her strenuous +life, Nicolas Stott now lay in peace. She made the dreary journey alone, +with the dear burden across her lap. + +In 1846, my parents went to London. There they did not linger long, +for the big, indifferent city had nothing to offer them. They moved +to Newcastle-on-Tyne, and here I was born, on the fourteenth day of +February, in 1847. Three boys and two girls had preceded me in the +family circle, and when I was two years old my younger sister came. We +were little better off in Newcastle than in London, and now my father +began to dream the great dream of those days. He would go to America. +Surely, he felt, in that land of infinite promise all would be well with +him and his. He waited for the final payment of his debts and for my +younger sister's birth. Then he bade us good-by and sailed away to make +an American home for us; and in the spring of 1851 my mother followed +him with her six children, starting from Liverpool in a sailing-vessel, +the John Jacob Westervelt. + +I was then little more than four years old, and the first vivid memory +I have is that of being on shipboard and having a mighty wave roll +over me. I was lying on what seemed to be an enormous red box under a +hatchway, and the water poured from above, almost drowning me. This was +the beginning of a storm which raged for days, and I still have of it a +confused memory, a sort of nightmare, in which strange horrors figure, +and which to this day haunts me at intervals when I am on the sea. The +thing that stands out most strongly during that period is the white face +of my mother, ill in her berth. We were with five hundred emigrants on +the lowest deck of the ship but one, and as the storm grew wilder an +unreasoning terror filled our fellow-passengers. Too ill to protect her +helpless brood, my mother saw us carried away from her for hours at a +time, on the crests of waves of panic that sometimes approached her +and sometimes receded, as they swept through the black hole in which +we found ourselves when the hatches were nailed down. No madhouse, I am +sure, could throw more hideous pictures on the screen of life than +those which met our childish eyes during the appalling three days of the +storm. Our one comfort was the knowledge that our mother was not afraid. +She was desperately ill, but when we were able to reach her, to cling +close to her for a blessed interval, she was still the sure refuge she +had always been. + +On the second day the masts went down, and on the third day the disabled +ship, which now had sprung a leak and was rolling helplessly in the +trough of the sea, was rescued by another ship and towed back to +Queenstown, the nearest port. The passengers, relieved of their +anxieties, went from their extreme of fear to an equal extreme of +drunken celebration. They laughed, sang, and danced, but when we reached +the shore many of them returned to the homes they had left, declaring +that they had had enough of the ocean. We, however, remained on the ship +until she was repaired, and then sailed on her again. We were too poor +to return home; indeed, we had no home to which we could return. We were +even too poor to live ashore. But we made some penny excursions in the +little boats that plied back and forth, and to us children at least +the weeks of waiting were not without interest. Among other places we +visited Spike Island, where the convicts were, and for hours we watched +the dreary shuttle of labor swing back and forth as the convicts carried +pails of water from one side of the island, only to empty them into the +sea at the other side. It was merely "busy work," to keep them occupied +at hard labor; but even then I must have felt some dim sense of the +irony of it, for I have remembered it vividly all these years. + +Our second voyage on the John Jacob Westervelt was a very different +experience from the first. By day a glorious sun shone overhead; by +night we had the moon and stars, as well as the racing waves we never +wearied of watching. For some reason, probably because of my intense +admiration for them, which I showed with unmaidenly frankness, I became +the special pet of the sailors. They taught me to sing their songs +as they hauled on their ropes, and I recall, as if I had learned it +yesterday, one pleasing ditty: + + Haul on the bow-line, + Kitty is my darling, + Haul on the bow-line, + The bow-line--HAUL! + +When I sang "haul" all the sailors pulled their hardest, and I had +an exhilarating sense of sharing in their labors. As a return for my +service of song the men kept my little apron full of ship sugar--very +black stuff and probably very bad for me; but I ate an astonishing +amount of it during that voyage, and, so far as I remember, felt no ill +effects. + +The next thing I recall is being seriously scalded. I was at the foot +of a ladder up which a sailor was carrying a great pot of hot coffee. He +slipped, and the boiling liquid poured down on me. I must have had some +bad days after that, for I was terribly burned, but they are mercifully +vague. My next vivid impression is of seeing land, which we sighted at +sunset, and I remember very distinctly just how it looked. It has never +looked the same since. The western sky was a mass of crimson and gold +clouds, which took on the shapes of strange and beautiful things. To +me it seemed that we were entering heaven. I remember also the doctors +coming on board to examine us, and I can still see a line of big +Irishmen standing very straight and holding out their tongues for +inspection. To a little girl only four years old their huge, open mouths +looked appalling. + +On landing a grievous disappointment awaited us; my father did not +meet us. He was in New Bedford, Massachusetts, nursing his grief and +preparing to return to England, for he had been told that the John Jacob +Westervelt had been lost at sea with every soul on board. One of the +missionaries who met the ship took us under his wing and conducted us +to a little hotel, where we remained until father had received his +incredible news and rushed to New York. He could hardly believe that +we were really restored to him; and even now, through the mists of more +than half a century, I can still see the expression in his wet eyes as +he picked me up and tossed me into the air. + +I can see, too, the toys he brought me--a little saw and a hatchet, +which became the dearest treasures of my childish days. They were +fatidical gifts, that saw and hatchet; in the years ahead of me I was to +use tools as well as my brothers did, as I proved when I helped to build +our frontier home. + +We went to New Bedford with father, who had found work there at his old +trade; and here I laid the foundations of my first childhood friendship, +not with another child, but with my next-door neighbor, a ship-builder. +Morning after morning this man swung me on his big shoulder and took +me to his shipyard, where my hatchet and saw had violent exercise as I +imitated the workers around me. Discovering that my tiny petticoats were +in my way, my new friend had a little boy's suit made for me; and thus +emancipated, at this tender age, I worked unwearyingly at his side all +day long and day after day. No doubt it was due to him that I did not +casually saw off a few of my toes and fingers. Certainly I smashed them +often enough with blows of my dull but active hatchet. I was very, very +busy; and I have always maintained that I began to earn my share of the +family's living at the age of five--for in return for the delights of my +society, which seemed never to pall upon him, my new friend allowed my +brothers to carry home from the shipyard all the wood my mother could +use. + +We remained in New Bedford less than a year, for in the spring of +1852 my father made another change, taking his family to Lawrence, +Massachusetts, where we lived until 1859. The years in Lawrence were +interesting and formative ones. At the tender age of nine and ten I +became interested in the Abolition movement. We were Unitarians, and +General Oliver and many of the prominent citizens of Lawrence belonged +to the Unitarian Church. We knew Robert Shaw, who led the first negro +regiment, and Judge Storrow, one of the leading New England judges of +his time, as well as the Cabots and George A. Walton, who was the author +of Walton's Arithmetic and head of the Lawrence schools. Outbursts of +war talk thrilled me, and occasionally I had a little adventure of my +own, as when one day, in visiting our cellar, I heard a noise in the +coal-bin. I investigated and discovered a negro woman concealed there. +I had been reading Uncle Tom's Cabin, as well as listening to the +conversation of my elders, so I was vastly stirred over the negro +question. I raced up-stairs in a condition of awe-struck and quivering +excitement, which my mother promptly suppressed by sending me to bed. No +doubt she questioned my youthful discretion, for she almost convinced +me that I had seen nothing at all--almost, but not quite; and she wisely +kept me close to her for several days, until the escaped slave my father +was hiding was safely out of the house and away. Discovery of this +serious offense might have borne grave results for him. + +It was in Lawrence, too, that I received and spent my first twenty-five +cents. I used an entire day in doing this, and the occasion was one of +the most delightful and memorable of my life. It was the Fourth of July, +and I was dressed in white and rode in a procession. My sister Mary, who +also graced the procession, had also been given twenty-five cents; and +during the parade, when, for obvious reasons, we were unable to break +ranks and spend our wealth, the consciousness of it lay heavily upon +us. When we finally began our shopping the first place we visited was a +candy store, and I recall distinctly that we forced the weary proprietor +to take down and show us every jar in the place before we spent one +penny. The first banana I ever ate was purchased that day, and I +hesitated over it a long time. Its cost was five cents, and in view of +that large expenditure, the eating of the fruit, I was afraid, would be +too brief a joy. I bought it, however, and the experience developed into +a tragedy, for, not knowing enough to peel the banana, I bit through +skin and pulp alike, as if I were eating an apple, and then burst into +ears of disappointment. The beautiful conduct of my sister Mary shines +down through the years. She, wise child, had taken no chances with the +unknown; but now, moved by my despair, she bought half of my banana, +and we divided the fruit, the loss, and the lesson. Fate, moreover, had +another turn of the screw for us, for, after Mary had taken a bite of +it, we gave what was left of the banana to a boy who stood near us and +who knew how to eat it; and not even the large amount of candy in our +sticky hands enabled us to regard with calmness the subsequent happiness +of that little boy. + +Another experience with fruit in Lawrence illustrates the ideas of my +mother and the character of the training she gave her children. Our +neighbors, the Cabots, were one day giving a great garden party, and +my sister was helping to pick strawberries for the occasion. When I was +going home from school I passed the berry-patches and stopped to speak +to my sister, who at once presented me with two strawberries. She said +Mrs. Cabot had told her to eat all she wanted, but that she would eat +two less than she wanted and give those two to me. To my mind, the +suggestion was generous and proper; in my life strawberries were rare. +I ate one berry, and then, overcome by an ambition to be generous also, +took the other berry home to my mother, telling her how I had got it. To +my chagrin, mother was deeply shocked. She told me that the transaction +was all wrong, and she made me take back the berry and explain the +matter to Mrs. Cabot. By the time I reached that generous lady the berry +was the worse for its journey, and so was I. I was only nine years old +and very sensitive. It was clear to me that I could hardly live through +the humiliation of the confession, and it was indeed a bitter experience +the worst, I think, in my young life, though Mrs. Cabot was both +sympathetic and understanding. She kissed me, and sent a quart of +strawberries to my mother; but for a long time afterward I could not +meet her kind eyes, for I believed that in her heart she thought me a +thief. + +My second friendship, and one which had a strong influence on my +after-life, was formed in Lawrence. I was not more than ten years old +when I met this new friend, but the memory of her in after-years, and +the impression she had made on my susceptible young mind, led me first +into the ministry, next into medicine, and finally into suffrage-work. +Living next door to us, on Prospect Hill, was a beautiful and mysterious +woman. All we children knew of her was that she was a vivid and romantic +figure, who seemed to have no friends and of whom our elders spoke in +whispers or not at all. To me she was a princess in a fairy-tale, for +she rode a white horse and wore a blue velvet riding-habit with a blue +velvet hat and a picturesquely drooping white plume. I soon learned at +what hours she went forth to ride, and I used to hover around our gate +for the joy of seeing her mount and gallop away. I realized that there +was something unusual about her house, and I had an idea that the prince +was waiting for her somewhere in the far distance, and that for the time +at least she had escaped the ogre in the castle she left behind. I was +wrong about the prince, but right about the ogre. It was only when my +unhappy lady left her castle that she was free. + +Very soon she noticed me. Possibly she saw the adoration in my childish +eyes. She began to nod and smile at me, and then to speak to me, but at +first I was almost afraid to answer her. There were stories now among +the children that the house was haunted, and that by night a ghost +walked there and in the grounds. I felt an extraordinary interest in +the ghost, and I spent hours peering through our picket fence, trying +to catch a glimpse of it; but I hesitated to be on terms of neighborly +intimacy with one who dwelt with ghosts. + +One day the mysterious lady bent and kissed me. Then, straightening up, +she looked at me queerly and said: "Go and tell your mother I did that." +There was something very compelling in her manner. I knew at once that I +must tell my mother what she had done, and I ran into our house and did +so. While my mother was considering the problem the situation presented, +for she knew the character of the house next door, a note was handed in +to her--a very pathetic little note from my mysterious lady, asking my +mother to let me come and see her. Long afterward mother showed it to +me. It ended with the words: "She will see no one but me. No harm shall +come to her. Trust me." + +That night my parents talked the matter over and decided to let me go. +Probably they felt that the slave next door was as much to be pitied as +the escaped-negro slaves they so often harbored in our home. I made my +visit, which was the first of many, and a strange friendship began and +developed between the woman of the town and the little girl she loved. +Some of those visits I remember as vividly as if I had made them +yesterday. There was never the slightest suggestion during any of them +of things I should not see or hear, for while I was with her my hostess +became a child again, and we played together like children. She had +wonderful toys for me, and pictures and books; but the thing I loved +best of all and played with for hours was a little stuffed hen which she +told me had been her dearest treasure when she was a child at home. She +had also a stuffed puppy, and she once mentioned that those two things +alone were left of her life as a little girl. Besides the toys and books +and pictures, she gave me ice-cream and cake, and told me fairy-tales. +She had a wonderful understanding of what a child likes. There were half +a dozen women in the house with her, but I saw none of them nor any of +the men who came. + +Once, when we had become very good friends indeed and my early shyness +had departed, I found courage to ask her where the ghost was--the ghost +that haunted her house. I can still see the look in her eyes as they +met mine. She told me the ghost lived in her heart, and that she did +not like to talk about it, and that we must not speak of it again. After +that I never mentioned it, but I was more deeply interested than ever, +for a ghost that lived in a heart was a new kind of ghost to me at +that time, though I have met many of them since then. During all our +intercourse my mother never entered the house next door, nor did my +mysterious lady enter our home; but she constantly sent my mother secret +gifts for the poor and the sick of the neighborhood, and she was always +the first to offer help for those who were in trouble. Many years +afterward mother told me she was the most generous woman she had ever +known, and that she had a rarely beautiful nature. Our departure for +Michigan broke up the friendship, but I have never forgotten her; and +whenever, in my later work as minister, physician, and suffragist, I +have been able to help women of the class to which she belonged, I have +mentally offered that help for credit in the tragic ledger of her life, +in which the clean and the blotted pages were so strange a contrast. + +One more incident of Lawrence I must describe before I leave that city +behind me, as we left it for ever in 1859. While we were still there +a number of Lawrence men decided to go West, and amid great public +excitement they departed in a body for Kansas, where they founded the +town of Lawrence in that state. I recall distinctly the public interest +which attended their going, and the feeling every one seemed to have +that they were passing forever out of the civilized world. Their +farewells to their friends were eternal; no one expected to see them +again, and my small brain grew dizzy as I tried to imagine a place so +remote as their destination. It was, I finally decided, at the +uttermost ends of the earth, and it seemed quite possible that the brave +adventurers who reached it might then drop off into space. Fifty years +later I was talking to a California girl who complained lightly of the +monotony of a climate where the sun shone and the flowers bloomed all +the year around. "But I had a delightful change last year," she added, +with animation. "I went East for the winter." + +"To New York?" I asked. + +"No," corrected the California girl, easily, "to Lawrence, Kansas." + +Nothing, I think, has ever made me feel quite so old as that remark. +That in my life, not yet, to me at least, a long one, I should see such +an arc described seemed actually oppressive until I realized that, +after all, the arc was merely a rainbow of time showing how gloriously +realized were the hopes of the Lawrence pioneers. + +The move to Michigan meant a complete upheaval in our lives. In Lawrence +we had around us the fine flower of New England civilization. We +children went to school; our parents, though they were in very humble +circumstances, were associated with the leading spirits and the +big movements of the day. When we went to Michigan we went to the +wilderness, to the wild pioneer life of those times, and we were all old +enough to keenly feel the change. + +My father was one of a number of Englishmen who took up tracts in the +northern forests of Michigan, with the old dream of establishing a +colony there. None of these men had the least practical knowledge +of farming. They were city men or followers of trades which had +no connection with farm life. They went straight into the thick +timber-land, instead of going to the rich and waiting prairies, and they +crowned this initial mistake by cutting down the splendid timber instead +of letting it stand. Thus bird's-eye maple and other beautiful woods +were used as fire-wood and in the construction of rude cabins, and the +greatest asset of the pioneers was ignored. + +Father preceded us to the Michigan woods, and there, with his oldest +son, James, took up a claim. They cleared a space in the wilderness just +large enough for a log cabin, and put up the bare walls of the cabin +itself. Then father returned to Lawrence and his work, leaving James +behind. A few months later (this was in 1859), my mother, my two +sisters, Eleanor and Mary, my youngest brother, Henry, eight years of +age, and I, then twelve, went to Michigan to work on and hold down the +claim while father, for eighteen months longer, stayed on in Lawrence, +sending us such remittances as he could. His second and third sons, John +and Thomas, remained in the East with him. + +Every detail of our journey through the wilderness is clear in my mind. +At that time the railroad terminated at Grand Rapids, Michigan, and +we covered the remaining distance--about one hundred miles--by wagon, +riding through a dense and often trackless forest. My brother James met +us at Grand Rapids with what, in those days, was called a lumber-wagon, +but which had a horrible resemblance to a vehicle from the health +department. My sisters and I gave it one cold look and turned from +it; we were so pained by its appearance that we refused to ride in it +through the town. Instead, we started off on foot, trying to look as if +we had no association with it, and we climbed into the unwieldy vehicle +only when the city streets were far behind us. Every available inch of +space in the wagon was filled with bedding and provisions. As yet we +had no furniture; we were to make that for ourselves when we reached +our cabin; and there was so little room for us to ride that we children +walked by turns, while James, from the beginning of the journey to its +end, seven days later, led our weary horses. + +To my mother, who was never strong, the whole experience must have been +a nightmare of suffering and stoical endurance. For us children there +were compensations. The expedition took on the character of a high +adventure, in which we sometimes had shelter and sometimes failed +to find it, sometimes were fed, but often went hungry. We forded +innumerable streams, the wheels of the heavy wagon sinking so deeply +into the stream-beds that we often had to empty our load before we could +get them out again. Fallen trees lay across our paths, rivers caused +long detours, while again and again we lost our way or were turned aside +by impenetrable forest tangles. + +Our first day's journey covered less than eight miles, and that night we +stopped at a farm-house which was the last bit of civilization we saw. +Early the next morning we were off again, making the slow progress due +to the rough roads and our heavy load. At night we stopped at a place +called Thomas's Inn, only to be told by the woman who kept it that +there was nothing in the house to eat. Her husband, she said, had gone +"outside" (to Grand Rapids) to get some flour, and had not returned--but +she added that we could spend the night, if we chose, and enjoy shelter, +if not food. We had provisions in our wagon, so we wearily entered, +after my brother had got out some of our pork and opened a barrel of +flour. With this help the woman made some biscuits, which were so green +that my poor mother could not eat them. She had admitted to us that +the one thing she had in the house was saleratus, and she had used this +ingredient with an unsparing hand. When the meal was eaten she broke the +further news that there were no beds. + +"The old woman can sleep with me," she suggested, "and the girls can +sleep on the floor. The boys will have to go to the barn." She and her +bed were not especially attractive, and mother decided to lie on the +floor with us. We had taken our bedding from the wagon, and we slept +very well; but though she was usually superior to small annoyances, I +think my mother resented being called an "old woman." She must have felt +like one that night, but she was only about forty-eight years of age. + +At dawn the next morning we resumed our journey, and every day after +that we were able to cover the distance demanded by the schedule +arranged before we started. This meant that some sort of shelter usually +awaited us at night. But one day we knew there would be no houses +between the place we left in the morning and that where we were to +sleep. The distance was about twenty miles, and when twilight fell we +had not made it. In the back of the wagon my mother had a box of little +pigs, and during the afternoon these had broken loose and escaped +into the woods. We had lost much time in finding them, and we were so +exhausted that when we came to a hut made of twigs and boughs we decided +to camp in it for the night, though we knew nothing about it. My brother +had unharnessed the horses, and my mother and sister were cooking +dough-god--a mixture of flour, water, and soda, fried in a pan-when two +men rode up on horseback and called my brother to one side. Immediately +after the talk which followed James harnessed his horses again and +forced us to go on, though by that time darkness had fallen. He told +mother, but did not tell us children until long afterward, that a man +had been murdered in the hut only the night before. The murderer was +still at large in the woods, and the new-comers were members of a posse +who were searching for him. My brother needed no urging to put as many +miles as he could between us and the sinister spot. + +In that fashion we made our way to our new home. The last day, like the +first, we traveled only eight miles, but we spent the night in a house +I shall never forget. It was beautifully clean, and for our evening meal +its mistress brought out loaves of bread which were the largest we had +ever seen. She cut great slices of this bread for us and spread maple +sugar on them, and it seemed to us that never before had anything tasted +so good. + +The next morning we made the last stage of our journey, our hearts +filled with the joy of nearing our new home. We all had an idea that we +were going to a farm, and we expected some resemblance at least to the +prosperous farms we had seen in New England. My mother's mental picture +was, naturally, of an English farm. Possibly she had visions of red +barns and deep meadows, sunny skies and daisies. What we found awaiting +us were the four walls and the roof of a good-sized log-house, standing +in a small cleared strip of the wilderness, its doors and windows +represented by square holes, its floor also a thing of the future, its +whole effect achingly forlorn and desolate. It was late in the afternoon +when we drove up to the opening that was its front entrance, and I shall +never forget the look my mother turned upon the place. Without a word +she crossed its threshold, and, standing very still, looked slowly +around her. Then something within her seemed to give way, and she sank +upon the ground. She could not realize even then, I think, that this was +really the place father had prepared for us, that here he expected us to +live. When she finally took it in she buried her face in her hands, and +in that way she sat for hours without moving or speaking. For the first +time in her life she had forgotten us; and we, for our part, dared not +speak to her. We stood around her in a frightened group, talking to one +another in whispers. Our little world had crumbled under our feet. Never +before had we seen our mother give way to despair. + +Night began to fall. The woods became alive with night creatures, and +the most harmless made the most noise. The owls began to hoot, and +soon we heard the wildcat, whose cry--a screech like that of a lost and +panic-stricken child--is one of the most appalling sounds of the forest. +Later the wolves added their howls to the uproar, but though darkness +came and we children whimpered around her, our mother still sat in her +strange lethargy. + +At last my brother brought the horses close to the cabin and built fires +to protect them and us. He was only twenty, but he showed himself a man +during those early pioneer days. While he was picketing the horses and +building his protecting fires my mother came to herself, but her face +when she raised it was worse than her silence had been. She seemed to +have died and to have returned to us from the grave, and I am sure she +felt that she had done so. From that moment she took up again the burden +of her life, a burden she did not lay down until she passed away; but +her face never lost the deep lines those first hours of her pioneer life +had cut upon it. + +That night we slept on boughs spread on the earth inside the cabin +walls, and we put blankets before the holes which represented our doors +and windows, and kept our watch-fires burning. Soon the other children +fell asleep, but there was no sleep for me. I was only twelve years old, +but my mind was full of fancies. Behind our blankets, swaying in the +night wind, I thought I saw the heads and pushing shoulders of animals +and heard their padded footfalls. Later years brought familiarity with +wild things, and with worse things than they. But to-night that which I +most feared was within, not outside of, the cabin. In some way which I +did not understand the one sure refuge in our new world had been taken +from us. I hardly knew the silent woman who lay near me, tossing from +side to side and staring into the darkness; I felt that we had lost our +mother. + + + + +II. IN THE WILDERNESS + +Like most men, my dear father should never have married. Though his +nature was one of the sweetest I have ever known, and though he would +at any call give his time to or risk his life for others, in practical +matters he remained to the end of his days as irresponsible as a child. +If his mind turned to practical details at all, it was solely in their +bearing toward great developments of the future. To him an acorn was not +an acorn, but a forest of young oaks. + +Thus, when he took up his claim of three hundred and sixty acres of +land in the wilderness of northern Michigan, and sent my mother and +five young children to live there alone until he could join us eighteen +months later, he gave no thought to the manner in which we were to make +the struggle and survive the hardships before us. He had furnished us +with land and the four walls of a log cabin. Some day, he reasoned, the +place would be a fine estate, which his sons would inherit and in +the course of time pass on to their sons--always an Englishman's most +iridescent dream. That for the present we were one hundred miles from +a railroad, forty miles from the nearest post-office, and half a dozen +miles from any neighbors save Indians, wolves, and wildcats; that we +were wholly unlearned in the ways of the woods as well as in the most +primitive methods of farming; that we lacked not only every comfort, but +even the bare necessities of life; and that we must begin, single-handed +and untaught, a struggle for existence in which some of the severest +forces of nature would be arrayed against us--these facts had no weight +in my father's mind. Even if he had witnessed my mother's despair on the +night of our arrival in our new home, he would not have understood it. +From his viewpoint, he was doing a man's duty. He was working steadily +in Lawrence, and, incidentally, giving much time to the Abolition cause +and to other big public movements of his day which had his interest and +sympathy. He wrote to us regularly and sent us occasional remittances, +as well as a generous supply of improving literature for our minds. +It remained for us to strengthen our bodies, to meet the conditions in +which he had placed us, and to survive if we could. + +We faced our situation with clear and unalarmed eyes the morning after +our arrival. The problem of food, we knew, was at least temporarily +solved. We had brought with us enough coffee, pork, and flour to last +for several weeks; and the one necessity father had put inside the cabin +walls was a great fireplace, made of mud and stones, in which our food +could be cooked. The problem of our water-supply was less simple, but +my brother James solved it for the time by showing us a creek a long +distance from the house; and for months we carried from this creek, in +pails, every drop of water we used, save that which we caught in troughs +when the rain fell. + +We held a family council after breakfast, and in this, though I was only +twelve, I took an eager and determined part. I loved work--it has +always been my favorite form of recreation--and my spirit rose to the +opportunities of it which smiled on us from every side. Obviously the +first thing to do was to put doors and windows into the yawning holes +father had left for them, and to lay a board flooring over the earth +inside our cabin walls, and these duties we accomplished before we had +occupied our new home a fortnight. There was a small saw-mill nine miles +from our cabin, on the spot that is now Big Rapids, and there we bought +our lumber. The labor we supplied ourselves, and though we put our +hearts into it and the results at the time seemed beautiful to our +partial eyes, I am forced to admit, in looking back upon them, that they +halted this side of perfection. We began by making three windows and two +doors; then, inspired by these achievements, we ambitiously constructed +an attic and divided the ground floor with partitions, which gave us +four rooms. + +The general effect was temperamental and sketchy. The boards which +formed the floor were never even nailed down; they were fine, wide +planks without a knot in them, and they looked so well that we merely +fitted them together as closely as we could and lightheartedly let them +go at that. Neither did we properly chink the house. Nothing is +more comfortable than a log cabin which has been carefully built and +finished; but for some reason--probably because there seemed always a +more urgent duty calling to us around the corner--we never plastered +our house at all. The result was that on many future winter mornings we +awoke to find ourselves chastely blanketed by snow, while the only warm +spot in our living-room was that directly in front of the fireplace, +where great logs burned all day. Even there our faces scorched while +our spines slowly congealed, until we learned to revolve before the fire +like a bird upon a spit. No doubt we would have worked more thoroughly +if my brother James, who was twenty years old and our tower of strength, +had remained with us; but when we had been in our new home only a few +months he fell and was forced to go East for an operation. He was never +able to return to us, and thus my mother, we three young girls, and my +youngest brother--Harry, who was only eight years old--made our fight +alone until father came to us, more than a year later. + +Mother was practically an invalid. She had a nervous affection which +made it impossible for her to stand without the support of a chair. But +she sewed with unusual skill, and it was due to her that our clothes, +notwithstanding the strain to which we subjected them, were always in +good condition. She sewed for hours every day, and she was able to move +about the house, after a fashion, by pushing herself around on a stool +which James made for her as soon as we arrived. He also built for her a +more comfortable chair with a high back. + +The division of labor planned at the first council was that mother +should do our sewing, and my older sisters, Eleanor and Mary, the +housework, which was far from taxing, for of course we lived in the +simplest manner. My brothers and I were to do the work out of doors, an +arrangement that suited me very well, though at first, owing to our lack +of experience, our activities were somewhat curtailed. It was too late +in the season for plowing or planting, even if we had possessed anything +with which to plow, and, moreover, our so-called "cleared" land was +thick with sturdy tree-stumps. Even during the second summer plowing was +impossible; we could only plant potatoes and corn, and follow the most +primitive method in doing even this. We took an ax, chopped up the sod, +put the seed under it, and let the seed grow. The seed did grow, too--in +the most gratifying and encouraging manner. Our green corn and potatoes +were the best I have ever eaten. But for the present we lacked these +luxuries. + +We had, however, in their place, large quantities of wild +fruit--gooseberries, raspberries, and plums--which Harry and I gathered +on the banks of our creek. Harry also became an expert fisherman. We +had no hooks or lines, but he took wires from our hoop-skirts and made +snares at the ends of poles. My part of this work was to stand on a +log and frighten the fish out of their holes by making horrible sounds, +which I did with impassioned earnestness. When the fish hurried to the +surface of the water to investigate the appalling noises they had heard, +they were easily snared by our small boy, who was very proud of his +ability to contribute in this way to the family table. + +During our first winter we lived largely on cornmeal, making a little +journey of twenty miles to the nearest mill to buy it; but even at that +we were better off than our neighbors, for I remember one family in our +region who for an entire winter lived solely on coarse-grained yellow +turnips, gratefully changing their diet to leeks when these came in the +spring. + +Such furniture as we had we made ourselves. In addition to my mother's +two chairs and the bunks which took the place of beds, James made a +settle for the living-room, as well as a table and several stools. At +first we had our tree-cutting done for us, but we soon became expert in +this gentle art, and I developed such skill that in later years, after +father came, I used to stand with him and "heart" a log. + +On every side, and at every hour of the day, we came up against the +relentless limitations of pioneer life. There was not a team of horses +in our entire region. The team with which my brother had driven us +through the wilderness had been hired at Grand Rapids for that occasion, +and, of course, immediately returned. Our lumber was delivered by +ox-teams, and the absolutely essential purchases we made "outside" (at +the nearest shops, forty miles away) were carried through the forest on +the backs of men. Our mail was delivered once a month by a carrier who +made the journey in alternate stages of horseback riding and canoeing. +But we had health, youth, enthusiasm, good appetites, and the +wherewithal to satisfy them, and at night in our primitive bunks we +sank into abysses of dreamless slumber such as I have never known since. +Indeed, looking back upon them, those first months seem to have been a +long-drawn-out and glorious picnic, interrupted only by occasional hours +of pain or panic, when we were hurt or frightened. + +Naturally, our two greatest menaces were wild animals and Indians, but +as the days passed the first of these lost the early terrors with which +we had associated them. We grew indifferent to the sounds that had made +our first night a horror to us all--there was even a certain homeliness +in them--while we regarded with accustomed, almost blase eyes the +various furred creatures of which we caught distant glimpses as they +slunk through the forest. Their experience with other settlers had +taught them caution; it soon became clear that they were as eager to +avoid us as we were to shun them, and by common consent we gave each +other ample elbow-room. But the Indians were all around us, and every +settler had a collection of hair-raising tales to tell of them. It was +generally agreed that they were dangerous only when they were drunk; +but as they were drunk whenever they could get whisky, and as whisky +was constantly given them in exchange for pelts and game, there was a +harrowing doubt in our minds whenever they approached us. + +In my first encounter with them I was alone in the woods at sunset with +my small brother Harry. We were hunting a cow James had bought, and our +young eyes were peering eagerly among the trees, on the alert for any +moving object. Suddenly, at a little distance, and coming directly +toward us, we saw a party of Indians. There were five of them, all men, +walking in single file, as noiselessly as ghosts, their moccasined feet +causing not even a rustle among the dry leaves that carpeted the woods. +All the horrible stories we had heard of Indian cruelty flashed into +our minds, and for a moment we were dumb with terror. Then I remembered +having been told that the one thing one must not do before them is to +show fear. Harry was carrying a rope with which we had expected to lead +home our reluctant cow, and I seized one end of it and whispered to him +that we would "play horse," pretending he was driving me. We pranced +toward the Indians on feet that felt like lead, and with eyes so glazed +by terror that we could see nothing save a line of moving figures; +but as we passed them they did not give to our little impersonation +of care-free children even the tribute of a side-glance. They were, +we realized, headed straight for our home; and after a few moments we +doubled on our tracks and, keeping at a safe distance from them among +the trees, ran back to warn our mother that they were coming. + +As it happened, James was away, and mother had to meet her unwelcome +guests supported only by her young children. She at once prepared a +meal, however, and when they arrived she welcomed them calmly and gave +them the best she had. After they had eaten they began to point at +and demand objects they fancied in the room--my brother's pipe, some +tobacco, a bowl, and such trifles--and my mother, who was afraid to +annoy them by refusal, gave them what they asked. They were quite +sober, and though they left without expressing any appreciation of her +hospitality, they made her a second visit a few months later, bringing a +large quantity of venison and a bag of cranberries as a graceful return. +These Indians were Ottawas; and later we became very friendly with them +and their tribe, even to the degree of attending one of their dances, +which I shall describe later. + +Our second encounter with Indians was a less agreeable experience. There +were seven "Marquette warriors" in the next group of callers, and they +were all intoxicated. Moreover, they had brought with them several jugs +of bad whisky--the raw and craze-provoking product supplied them by the +fur-dealers--and it was clear that our cabin was to be the scene of an +orgy. Fortunately, my brother James was at home on this occasion, and as +the evening grew old and the Indians, grouped together around the fire, +became more and more irresponsible, he devised a plan for our safety. +Our attic was finished, and its sole entrance was by a ladder through +a trap-door. At James's whispered command my sister Eleanor slipped up +into the attic, and from the back window let down a rope, to which he +tied all the weapons we had--his gun and several axes. These Eleanor +drew up and concealed in one of the bunks. My brother then directed that +as quietly as possible, and at long intervals, one member of the family +after another was to slip up the ladder and into the attic, going quite +casually, that the Indians might not realize what we were doing. Once +there, with the ladder drawn up after us and the trap-door closed, we +would be reasonably safe, unless our guests decided to burn the cabin. + +The evening seemed endless, and was certainly nerve-racking. The Indians +ate everything in the house, and from my seat in a dim corner I watched +them while my sisters waited on them. I can still see the tableau they +made in the firelit room and hear the unfamiliar accents of their speech +as they talked together. Occasionally one of them would pull a hair from +his head, seize his scalping-knife; and cut the hair with it--a most +unpleasant sight! When either of my sisters approached them some of the +Indians would make gestures, as if capturing and scalping her. Through +it all, however, the whisky held their close attention, and it was due +to this that we succeeded in reaching the attic unobserved, James coming +last of all and drawing the ladder after him. Mother and the children +were then put to bed; but through that interminable night James and +Eleanor lay flat upon the floor, watching through the cracks between the +boards the revels of the drunken Indians, which grew wilder with every +hour that crawled toward sunrise. There was no knowing when they would +miss us or how soon their mood might change. At any moment they might +make an attack upon us or set fire to the cabin. By dawn, however, their +whisky was all gone, and they were in so deep a stupor that, one after +the other, the seven fell from their chairs to the floor, where they +sprawled unconscious. When they awoke they left quietly and without +trouble of any kind. They seemed a strangely subdued and chastened band; +probably they were wretchedly ill after their debauch on the adulterated +whisky the traders had given them. + +That autumn the Ottawa tribe had a great corn celebration, to which we +and the other settlers were invited. James and my older sisters attended +it, and I went with them, by my own urgent invitation. It seemed to me +that as I was sharing the work and the perils of our new environment, +I might as well share its joys; and I finally succeeded in making +my family see the logic of this position. The central feature of the +festivity was a huge kettle, many feet in circumference, into which the +Indians dropped the most extraordinary variety of food we had ever seen +combined. Deer heads went into it whole, as well as every kind of meat +and vegetable the members of the tribe could procure. We all ate some of +this agreeable mixture, and later, with one another, and even with +the Indians, we danced gaily to the music of a tom-tom and a drum. The +affair was extremely interesting until the whisky entered and did its +unpleasant work. When our hosts began to fall over in the dance and +slumber where they lay, and when the squaws began to show the same ill +effects of their refreshments, we unostentatiously slipped away. + +During the winter life offered us few diversions and many hardships. Our +creek froze over, and the water problem became a serious one, which +we met with increasing difficulty as the temperature steadily fell. We +melted snow and ice, and existed through the frozen months, but with +an amount of discomfort which made us unwilling to repeat at least that +special phase of our experience. In the spring, therefore, I made a +well. Long before this, James had gone, and Harry and I were now the +only outdoor members of our working-force. Harry was still too small to +help with the well; but a young man, who had formed the neighborly habit +of riding eighteen miles to call on us, gave me much friendly aid. We +located the well with a switch, and when we had dug as far as we could +reach with our spades, my assistant descended into the hole and threw +the earth up to the edge, from which I in turn removed it. As the well +grew deeper we made a half-way shelf, on which I stood, he throwing the +earth on the shelf, and I shoveling it up from that point. Later, as he +descended still farther into the hole we were making, he shoveled the +earth into buckets and passed them up to me, I passing them on to my +sister, who was now pressed into service. When the excavation was deep +enough we made the wall of slabs of wood, roughly joined together. I +recall that well with calm content. It was not a thing of beauty, but +it was a thoroughly practical well, and it remained the only one we had +during the twelve years the family occupied the cabin. + +During our first year there was no school within ten miles of us, but +this lack failed to sadden Harry or me. We had brought with us from +Lawrence a box of books, in which, in winter months, when our outdoor +work was restricted, we found much comfort. They were the only books +in that part of the country, and we read them until we knew them all by +heart. Moreover, father sent us regularly the New York Independent, and +with this admirable literature, after reading it, we papered our walls. +Thus, on stormy days, we could lie on the settle or the floor and read +the Independent over again with increased interest and pleasure. + +Occasionally father sent us the Ledger, but here mother drew a definite +line. She had a special dislike for that periodical, and her severest +comment on any woman was that she was the type who would "keep a dog, +make saleratus biscuit, and read the New York Ledger in the daytime." +Our modest library also contained several histories of Greece and Rome, +which must have been good ones, for years later, when I entered college, +I passed my examination in ancient history with no other preparation +than this reading. There were also a few arithmetics and algebras, a +historical novel or two, and the inevitable copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, +whose pages I had freely moistened with my tears. + +When the advantages of public education were finally extended to me, +at thirteen, by the opening of a school three miles from our home, +I accepted them with growing reluctance. The teacher was a spinster +forty-four years of age and the only genuine "old maid" I have ever met +who was not a married woman or a man. She was the real thing, and +her name, Prudence Duncan, seemed the fitting label for her rigidly +uncompromising personality. I graced Prudence's school for three months, +and then left it at her fervid request. I had walked six miles a day +through trackless woods and Western blizzards to get what she could +give me, but she had little to offer my awakened and critical mind. +My reading and my Lawrence school-work had already taught me more than +Prudence knew--a fact we both inwardry--admitted and fiercely resented +from our different viewpoints. Beyond doubt I was a pert and trying +young person. I lost no opportunity to lead Prudence beyond her +intellectual depth and leave her there, and Prudence vented her chagrin +not alone upon me, but upon my little brother. I became a thorn in her +side, and one day, after an especially unpleasant episode in which Harry +also figured, she plucked me out, as it were, and cast me for ever from +her. From that time I studied at home, where I was a much more valuable +economic factor than I had been in school. + +The second spring after our arrival Harry and I extended our operations +by tapping the sugar-bushes, collecting all the sap, and carrying it +home in pails slung from our yoke-laden shoulders. Together we made one +hundred and fifty pounds of sugar and a barrel of syrup, but here again, +as always, we worked in primitive ways. To get the sap we chopped a gash +in the tree and drove in a spile. Then we dug out a trough to catch the +sap. It was no light task to lift these troughs full of sap and empty +the sap into buckets, but we did it successfully, and afterward built +fires and boiled it down. By this time we had also cleared some of our +ground, and during the spring we were able to plow, dividing the work in +a way that seemed fair to us both. These were strenuous occupations +for a boy of nine and a girl of thirteen, but, though we were not +inordinately good children, we never complained; we found them very +satisfactory substitutes for more normal bucolic joys. Inevitably, we +had our little tragedies. Our cow died, and for an entire winter we went +without milk. Our coffee soon gave out, and as a substitute we made +and used a mixture of browned peas and burnt rye. In the winter we were +always cold, and the water problem, until we had built our well, was +ever with us. + +Father joined us at the end of eighteen months, but though his presence +gave us pleasure and moral support, he was not an addition to our +executive staff. He brought with him a rocking-chair for mother and a +new supply of books, on which I fell as a starving man falls upon food. +Father read as eagerly as I, but much more steadily. His mind was always +busy with problems, and if, while he was laboring in the field, a new +problem presented itself to him, the imperishable curiosity that was in +him made him scurry at once to the house to solve it. I have known him +to spend a planting season in figuring on the production of a certain +number of kernels of corn, instead of planting the corn and raising +it. In the winter he was supposed to spend his time clearing land for +orchards and the like, but instead he pored over his books and problems +day after day and often half the night as well. It soon became known +among our neighbors, who were rapidly increasing in number, that we had +books and that father like to read aloud, and men walked ten miles or +more to spend the night with us and listen to his reading. Often, as his +fame grew, ten or twelve men would arrive at our cabin on Saturday and +remain over Sunday. When my mother once tried to check this influx of +guests by mildly pointing out, among other things, the waste of candles +represented by frequent all-night readings, every man humbly appeared +again on the following Saturday with a candle in each hand. They were +not sensitive; and, as they had brought their candles, it seemed fitting +to them and to father that we girls should cook for them and supply them +with food. + +Father's tolerance of idleness in others, however, did not extend to +tolerance of idleness in us, and this led to my first rebellion, which +occurred when I was fourteen. For once, I had been in the woods all day, +buried in my books; and when I returned at night, still in the dream +world these books had opened to me, father was awaiting my coming with +a brow dark with disapproval. As it happened, mother had felt that day +some special need of me, and father reproached me bitterly for being +beyond reach--an idler who wasted time while mother labored. He ended +a long arraignment by predicting gloomily that with such tendencies I +would make nothing of my life. + +The injustice of the criticism cut deep; I knew I had done and was doing +my share for the family, and already, too, I had begun to feel the call +of my career. For some reason I wanted to preach--to talk to people, +to tell them things. Just why, just what, I did not yet know--but I had +begun to preach in the silent woods, to stand up on stumps and address +the unresponsive trees, to feel the stir of aspiration within me. + +When my father had finished all he wished to say, I looked at him and +answered, quietly, "Father, some day I am going to college." + +I can still see his slight, ironical smile. It drove me to a second +prediction. I was young enough to measure success by material results, +so I added, recklessly: + +"And before I die I shall be worth ten thousand dollars!" + +The amount staggered me even as it dropped from my lips. It was the +largest fortune my imagination could conceive, and in my heart I +believed that no woman ever had possessed or would possess so much. So +far as I knew, too, no woman had gone to college. But now that I had put +my secret hopes into words, I was desperately determined to make those +hopes come true. After I became a wage-earner I lost my desire to make +a fortune, but the college dream grew with the years; and though my +college career seemed as remote as the most distant star, I hitched my +little wagon to that star and never afterward wholly lost sight of its +friendly gleam. + +When I was fifteen years old I was offered a situation as +school-teacher. By this time the community was growing around us with +the rapidity characteristic of these Western settlements, and we +had nearer neighbors whose children needed instruction. I passed +an examination before a schoolboard consisting of three nervous and +self-conscious men whose certificate I still hold, and I at once began +my professional career on the modest salary of two dollars a week and my +board. The school was four miles from my home, so I "boarded round" with +the families of my pupils, staying two weeks in each place, and +often walking from three to six miles a day to and from my little log +school-house in every kind of weather. During the first year I had about +fourteen pupils, of varying ages, sizes, and temperaments, and there was +hardly a book in the school-room except those I owned. One little girl, +I remember, read from an almanac, while a second used a hymn-book. + +In winter the school-house was heated by a woodstove, to which the +teacher had to give close personal attention. I could not depend on +my pupils to make the fires or carry in the fuel; and it was often +necessary to fetch the wood myself, sometimes for long distances through +the forest. Again and again, after miles of walking through winter +storms, I reached the school-house with my clothing wet through, and +in these soaked garments I taught during the day. In "boarding round" +I often found myself in one-room cabins, with bunks at the end and the +sole partition a sheet or a blanket, behind which I slept with one or +two of the children. It was the custom on these occasions for the man +of the house to delicately retire to the barn while we women got to bed, +and to disappear again in the morning while we dressed. In some places +the meals were so badly cooked that I could not eat them, and often the +only food my poor little pupils brought to school for their noonday meal +was a piece of bread or a bit of raw pork. + +I earned my two dollars a week that year, but I had to wait for my wages +until the dog tax was collected in the spring. When the money was thus +raised, and the twenty-six dollars for my thirteen weeks of teaching +were graciously put into my hands, I went "outside" to the nearest shop +and joyously spent almost the entire amount for my first "party dress." +The gown I bought was, I considered, a beautiful creation. In color it +was a rich magenta, and the skirt was elaborately braided with black +cable-cord. My admiration for it was justified, for it did all a young +girl's eager heart could ask of any gown--it led to my first proposal. + +The youth who sought my hand was about twenty years old, and by an +unhappy chance he was also the least attractive young person in the +countryside--the laughing-stock of the neighbors, the butt of his +associates. The night he came to offer me his heart there were already +two young men at our home calling on my sisters, and we were all sitting +around the fire in the living-room when my suitor appeared. His costume, +like himself, left much to be desired. He wore a blue flannel shirt and +a pair of trousers made of flour-bags. Such trousers were not uncommon +in our region, and the boy's mother, who had made them for him, had +thoughtfully selected a nice clean pair of sacks. But on one leg was +the name of the firm that made the flour--A. and G. W. Green--and by a +charming coincidence A. and G. W. Green happened to be the two young men +who were calling on my sisters! On the back of the bags, directly in the +rear of the wearer, was the simple legend, "96 pounds"; and the striking +effect of the young man's costume was completed by a bright yellow sash +which held his trousers in place. + +The vision fascinated my sisters and their two guests. They gave +it their entire attention, and when the new-comer signified with an +eloquent gesture that he was calling on me, and beckoned me into an +inner room, the quartet arose as one person and followed us to the door. +Then, as we inhospitably closed the door, they fastened their eyes to +the cracks in the living-room wall, that they might miss none of the +entertainment. When we were alone my guest and I sat down in facing +chairs and in depressed silence. The young man was nervous, and I was +both frightened and annoyed. I had heard suppressed giggles on the other +side of the wall, and I realized, as my self-centered visitor failed +to do, that we were not enjoying the privacy the situation seemed to +demand. At last the youth informed me that his "dad" had just given him +a cabin, a yoke of steers, a cow, and some hens. When this announcement +had produced its full effect, he straightened up in his chair and asked, +solemnly, "Will ye have me?" + +An outburst of chortles from the other side of the wall greeted the +proposal, but the ardent youth ignored it, if indeed he heard it. With +eyes staring straight ahead, he sat rigid, waiting for my answer; and I, +anxious only to get rid of him and to end the strain of the moment, +said the first thing that came into my head. "I can't," I told him. "I'm +sorry, but--but--I'm engaged." + +He rose quickly, with the effect of a half-closed jack-knife that is +suddenly opened, and for an instant stood looking down upon me. He was +six feet two inches tall, and extremely thin. I am very short, and, as +I looked up, his flour-bag trousers seemed to join his yellow sash +somewhere near the ceiling of the room. He put both hands into +his pockets and slowly delivered his valedictory. "That's darned +disappointing to a fellow," he said, and left the house. After a +moment devoted to regaining my maidenly composure I returned to the +living-room, where I had the privilege of observing the enjoyment of +my sisters and their visitors. Helpless with mirth and with tears of +pleasure on their cheeks, the four rocked and shrieked as they recalled +the picture my gallant had presented. For some time after that incident +I felt a strong distaste for sentiment. + +Clad royally in the new gown, I attended my first ball in November, +going with a party of eight that included my two sisters, another girl, +and four young men. The ball was at Big Rapids, which by this time had +grown to be a thriving lumber town. It was impossible to get a team of +horses or even a yoke of oxen for the journey, so we made a raft and +went down the river on that, taking our party dresses with us in trunks. +Unfortunately, the raft "hung up" in the stream, and the four young men +had to get out into the icy water and work a long time before they +could detach it from the rocks. Naturally, they were soaked and chilled +through, but they all bore the experience with a gay philosophy. + +When we reached Big Rapids we dressed for the ball, and, as in those +days it was customary to change one's gown again at midnight, I had an +opportunity to burst on the assemblage in two costumes--the second made +of bedroom chintz, with a low neck and short sleeves. We danced the +"money musk," and the "Virginia reel," "hoeing her down" (which means +changing partners) in true pioneer style. I never missed a dance at this +or any subsequent affair, and I was considered the gayest and the most +tireless young person at our parties until I became a Methodist minister +and dropped such worldly vanities. The first time I preached in my home +region all my former partners came to hear me, and listened with wide, +understanding, reminiscent smiles which made it very hard for me to keep +soberly to my text. + +In the near future I had reason to regret the extravagant expenditure of +my first earnings. For my second year of teaching, in the same school, I +was to receive five dollars a week and to pay my own board. I selected a +place two miles and a half from the school-house, and was promptly asked +by my host to pay my board in advance. This, he explained, was due to no +lack of faith in me; the money would enable him to go "outside" to work, +leaving his family well supplied with provisions. I allowed him to go +to the school committee and collect my board in advance, at the rate of +three dollars a week for the season. When I presented myself at my new +boarding-place, however, two days later, I found the house nailed up and +deserted; the man and his family had departed with my money, and I was +left, as my committeemen sympathetically remarked, "high and dry." There +were only two dollars a week coming to me after that, so I walked back +and forth between my home and my school, almost four miles, twice a day; +and during this enforced exercise there was ample opportunity to reflect +on the fleeting joy of riches. + +In the mean time war had been declared. When the news came that Fort +Sumter had been fired on, and that Lincoln had called for troops, our +men were threshing. There was only one threshing-machine in the region +at that time, and it went from place to place, the farmers doing their +threshing whenever they could get the machine. I remember seeing a +man ride up on horseback, shouting out Lincoln's demand for troops and +explaining that a regiment was being formed at Big Rapids. Before he had +finished speaking the men on the machine had leaped to the ground and +rushed off to enlist, my brother Jack, who had recently joined us, among +them. In ten minutes not one man was left in the field. A few months +later my brother Tom enlisted as a bugler--he was a mere boy at the +time--and not long after that my father followed the example of his sons +and served until the war was ended. He had entered on the twenty-ninth +of August, 1862, as an army steward; he came back to us with the rank of +lieutenant and assistant surgeon of field and staff. + +Between those years I was the principal support of our family, and life +became a strenuous and tragic affair. For months at a time we had no +news from the front. The work in our community, if it was done at all, +was done by despairing women whose hearts were with their men. When care +had become our constant guest, Death entered our home as well. My sister +Eleanor had married, and died in childbirth, leaving her baby to me; +and the blackest hours of those black years were the hours that saw her +passing. I can see her still, lying in a stupor from which she roused +herself at intervals to ask about her child. She insisted that our +brother Tom should name the baby, but Tom was fighting for his country, +unless he had already preceded Eleanor through the wide portal that was +opening before her. I could only tell her that I had written to him; but +before the assurance was an hour old she would climb up from the gulf +of unconsciousness with infinite effort to ask if we had received his +reply. At last, to calm her, I told her it had come, and that Tom had +chosen for her little son the name of Arthur. She smiled at this and +drew a deep breath; then, still smiling, she passed away. Her baby +slipped into her vacant place and almost filled our heavy hearts, but +only for a short time; for within a few months after his mother's death +his father married again and took him from me, and it seemed that with +his going we had lost all that made life worth while. + +The problem of living grew harder with everyday. We eked out our little +income in every way we could, taking as boarders the workers in the +logging-camps, making quilts, which we sold, and losing no chance to +earn a penny in any legitimate manner. Again my mother did such outside +sewing as she could secure, yet with every month of our effort the gulf +between our income and our expenses grew wider, and the price of the +bare necessities of exisence{sic} climbed up and up. The largest amount +I could earn at teaching was six dollars a week, and our school year +included only two terms of thirteen weeks each. It was an incessant +struggle to keep our land, to pay our taxes, and to live. Calico was +selling at fifty cents a yard. Coffee was one dollar a pound. There were +no men left to grind our corn, to get in our crops, or to care for our +live stock; and all around us we saw our struggle reflected in the lives +of our neighbors. + +At long intervals word came to us of battles in which my father's +regiment--the Tenth Michigan Cavalry Volunteers--or those of my brothers +were engaged, and then longer intervals followed in which we heard no +news. After Eleanor's death my brother Tom was wounded, and for months +we lived in terror of worse tidings, but he finally recovered. I was +walking seven and eight miles a day, and doing extra work before and +after school hours, and my health began to fail. Those were years I do +not like to look back upon--years in which life had degenerated into a +treadmill whose monotony was broken only by the grim messages from the +front. My sister Mary married and went to Big Rapids to live. I had no +time to dream my dream, but the star of my one purpose still glowed in +my dark horizon. It seemed that nothing short of a miracle could lift my +feet from their plodding way and set them on the wider path toward which +my eyes were turned, but I never lost faith that in some manner the +miracle would come to pass. As certainly as I have ever known anything, +I KNEW that I was going to college! + + + + +III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +The end of the Civil War brought freedom to me, too. When peace was +declared my father and brothers returned to the claim in the wilderness +which we women of the family had labored so desperately to hold while +they were gone. To us, as to others, the final years of the war had +brought many changes. My sister Eleanor's place was empty. Mary, as I +have said, had married and gone to live in Big Rapids, and my mother +and I were alone with my brother Harry, now a boy of fourteen. After the +return of our men it was no longer necessary to devote every penny of +my earnings to the maintenance of our home. For the first time I could +begin to save a portion of my income toward the fulfilment of my college +dream, but even yet there was a long, arid stretch ahead of me before +the college doors came even distantly into sight. + +The largest salary I could earn by teaching in our Northern woods was +one hundred and fifty-six dollars a year, for two terms of thirteen +weeks each; and from this, of course, I had to deduct the cost of my +board and clothing--the sole expenditure I allowed myself. The dollars +for an education accumulated very, very slowly, until at last, in +desperation, weary of seeing the years of my youth rush past, bearing my +hopes with them, I took a sudden and radical step. I gave up teaching, +left our cabin in the woods, and went to Big Rapids to live with my +sister Mary, who had married a successful man and who generously offered +me a home. There, I had decided, I would learn a trade of some kind, of +any kind; it did not greatly matter what it was. The sole essential was +that it should be a money-making trade, offering wages which would make +it possible to add more rapidly to my savings. In those days, almost +fifty years ago, and in a small pioneer town, the fields open to women +were few and unfruitful. The needle at once presented itself, but at +first I turned with loathing from it. I would have preferred the digging +of ditches or the shoveling of coal; but the needle alone persistently +pointed out my way, and I was finally forced to take it. + +Fate, however, as if weary at last of seeing me between her paws, +suddenly let me escape. Before I had been working a month at my +uncongenial trade Big Rapids was favored by a visit from a Universalist +woman minister, the Reverend Marianna Thompson, who came there to +preach. Her sermon was delivered on Sunday morning, and I was, I think, +almost the earliest arrival of the great congregation which filled the +church. It was a wonderful moment when I saw my first woman minister +enter her pulpit; and as I listened to her sermon, thrilled to the soul, +all my early aspirations to become a minister myself stirred in me with +cumulative force. After the services I hung for a time on the fringe of +the group that surrounded her, and at last, when she was alone and about +to leave, I found courage to introduce myself and pour forth the tale of +my ambition. Her advice was as prompt as if she had studied my problem +for years. + +"My child," she said, "give up your foolish idea of learning a trade, +and go to school. You can't do anything until you have an education. Get +it, and get it NOW." + +Her suggestion was much to my liking, and I paid her the compliment of +acting on it promptly, for the next morning I entered the Big Rapids +High School, which was also a preparatory school for college. There I +would study, I determined, as long as my money held out, and with the +optimism of youth I succeeded in confining my imagination to this side +of that crisis. My home, thanks to Mary, was assured; the wardrobe I had +brought from the woods covered me sufficiently; to one who had +walked five and six miles a day for years, walking to school held no +discomfort; and as for pleasure, I found it, like a heroine of fiction, +in my studies. For the first time life was smiling at me, and with all +my young heart I smiled back. + +The preceptress of the high school was Lucy Foot, a college graduate and +a remarkable woman. I had heard much of her sympathy and understanding; +and on the evening following my first day in school I went to her +and repeated the confidences I had reposed in the Reverend Marianna +Thompson. My trust in her was justified. She took an immediate interest +in me, and proved it at once by putting me into the speaking and +debating classes, where I was given every opportunity to hold forth to +helpless classmates when the spirit of eloquence moved me. + +As an aid to public speaking I was taught to "elocute," and I remember +in every mournful detail the occasion on which I gave my first +recitation. We were having our monthly "public exhibition night," and +the audience included not only my classmates, but their parents and +friends as well. The selection I intended to recite was a poem entitled +"No Sects in Heaven," but when I faced my audience I was so appalled by +its size and by the sudden realization of my own temerity that I fainted +during the delivery of the first verse. Sympathetic classmates carried +me into an anteroom and revived me, after which they naturally assumed +that the entertainment I furnished was over for the evening. I, however, +felt that if I let that failure stand against me I could never afterward +speak in public; and within ten minutes, notwithstanding the protests of +my friends, I was back in the hall and beginning my recitation a second +time. The audience gave me its eager attention. Possibly it hoped to see +me topple off the platform again, but nothing of the sort occurred. +I went through the recitation with self-possession and received some +friendly applause at the end. Strangely enough, those first sensations +of "stage fright" have been experienced, in a lesser degree, in +connection with each of the thousands of public speeches I have made +since that time. I have never again gone so far as to faint in the +presence of an audience; but I have invariably walked out on the +platform feeling the sinking sensation at the pit of the stomach, +the weakness of the knees, that I felt in the hour of my debut. Now, +however, the nervousness passes after a moment or two. + +From that night Miss Foot lost no opportunity of putting me into the +foreground of our school affairs. I took part in all our debates, +recited yards of poetry to any audience we could attract, and even shone +mildly in our amateur theatricals. It was probably owing to all this +activity that I attracted the interest of the presiding elder of our +district--Dr. Peck, a man of progressive ideas. There was at that time a +movement on foot to license women to preach in the Methodist Church, and +Dr. Peck was ambitious to be the first presiding elder to have a woman +ordained for the Methodist ministry. He had urged Miss Foot to be this +pioneer, but her ambitions did not turn in that direction. Though she +was a very devout Methodist, she had no wish to be the shepherd of a +religious flock. She loved her school-work, and asked nothing better +than to remain in it. Gently but persistently she directed the attention +of Dr. Peck to me, and immediately things began to happen. + +Without telling me to what it might lead, Miss Foot finally arranged +a meeting at her home by inviting Dr. Peck and me to dinner. +Being unconscious of any significance in the occasion, I chatted +light-heartedly about the large issues of life and probably settled most +of them to my personal satisfaction. Dr. Peck drew me out and led me +on, listened and smiled. When the evening was over and we rose to go, he +turned to me with sudden seriousness: + +"My quarterly meeting will be held at Ashton," he remarked, casually. "I +would like you to preach the quarterly sermon." + +For a moment the earth seemed to slip away from my feet. I stared at +him in utter stupefaction. Then slowly I realized that, incredible as it +seemed, the man was in earnest. + +"Why," I stammered, "_I_ can't preach a sermon!" + +Dr. Peck smiled at me. "Have you ever tried?" he asked. + +I started to assure him vehemently that I never had. Then, as if Time +had thrown a picture on a screen before me, I saw myself as a little +girl preaching alone in the forest, as I had so often preached to a +congregation of listening trees. I qualified my answer. + +"Never," I said, "to human beings." + +Dr. Peck smiled again. "Well," he told me, "the door is open. Enter or +not, as you wish." + +He left the house, but I remained to discuss his overwhelming +proposition with Miss Foot. A sudden sobering thought had come to me. + +"But," I exclaimed, "I've never been converted. How can I preach to any +one?" + +We both had the old-time idea of conversion, which now seems so +mistaken. We thought one had to struggle with sin and with the Lord +until at last the heart opened, doubts were dispersed, and the light +poured in. Miss Foot could only advise me to put the matter before the +Lord, to wrestle and to pray; and thereafter, for hours at a time, she +worked and prayed with me, alternately urging, pleading, instructing, +and sending up petitions in my behalf. Our last session was a dramatic +one, which took up the entire night. Long before it was over we were +both worn out; but toward morning, either from exhaustion of body or +exaltation of soul, I seemed to see the light, and it made me very +happy. With all my heart I wanted to preach, and I believed that now at +last I had my call. The following day we sent word to Dr. Peck that I +would preach the sermon at Ashton as he had asked, but we urged him to +say nothing of the matter for the present, and Miss Foot and I also +kept the secret locked in our breasts. I knew only too well what view +my family and my friends would take of such a step and of me. To them it +would mean nothing short of personal disgrace and a blotted page in the +Shaw record. + +I had six weeks in which to prepare my sermon, and I gave it most of my +waking hours as well as those in which I should have been asleep. I took +for my text: "And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even +so must the Son of Man be lifted up; that whosoever believeth in Him +should not perish, but have eternal life." + +It was not until three days before I preached the sermon that I found +courage to confide my purpose to my sister Mary, and if I had confessed +my intention to commit a capital crime she could not have been more +disturbed. We two had always been very close, and the death of Eleanor, +to whom we were both devoted, had drawn us even nearer to each other. +Now Mary's tears and prayers wrung my heart and shook my resolution. +But, after all, she was asking me to give up my whole future, to close +my ears to my call, and I felt that I could not do it. My decision +caused an estrangement between us which lasted for years. On the day +preceding the delivery of my sermon I left for Ashton on the afternoon +train; and in the same car, but as far away from me as she could get, +Mary sat alone and wept throughout the journey. She was going to my +mother, but she did not speak to me; and I, for my part, facing both +alienation from her and the ordeal before me, found my one comfort in +Lucy Foot's presence and understanding sympathy. + +There was no church in Ashton, so I preached my sermon in its one little +school-house, which was filled with a curious crowd, eager to look at +and hear the girl who was defying all conventions by getting out of +the pew and into the pulpit. There was much whispering and suppressed +excitement before I began, but when I gave out my text silence fell upon +the room, and from that moment until I had finished my hearers listened +quietly. A kerosene-lamp stood on a stand at my elbow, and as I preached +I trembled so violently that the oil shook in its glass globe; but I +finished without breaking down, and at the end Dr. Peck, who had his own +reasons for nervousness, handsomely assured me that my first sermon was +better than his maiden effort had been. It was evidently not a failure, +for the next day he invited me to follow him around in his circuit, +which included thirty-six appointments; he wished me to preach in +each of the thirty-six places, as it was desirable to let the various +ministers hear and know me before I applied for my license as a local +preacher. + +The sermon also had another result, less gratifying. It brought out, +on the following morning, the first notice of me ever printed in a +newspaper. This was instigated by my brother-in-law, and it was brief +but pointed. It read: + + +A young girl named Anna Shaw, seventeen years old, [1] preached at Ashton +yesterday. Her real friends deprecate the course she is pursuing. + +[Footnote 1: A misstatement by the brother-in-law. Dr. Shaw was at +this time twenty-three years old.--E. J.] + +The little notice had something of the effect of a lighted match applied +to gunpowder. An explosion of public sentiment followed it, the entire +community arose in consternation, and I became a bone of contention over +which friends and strangers alike wrangled until they wore themselves +out. The members of my family, meeting in solemn council, sent for me, +and I responded. They had a proposition to make, and they lost no time +in putting it before me. If I gave up my preaching they would send me to +college and pay for my entire course. They suggested Ann Arbor, and Ann +Arbor tempted me sorely; but to descend from the pulpit I had at last +entered--the pulpit I had visualized in all my childish dreams--was +not to be considered. We had a long evening together, and it was a very +unhappy one. At the end of it I was given twenty-four hours in which to +decide whether I would choose my people and college, or my pulpit and +the arctic loneliness of a life that held no family-circle. It did not +require twenty-four hours of reflection to convince me that I must go my +solitary way. + +That year I preached thirty-six times, at each of the presiding +elder's appointments; and the following spring, at the annual Methodist +Conference of our district, held at Big Rapids, my name was presented to +the assembled ministers as that of a candidate for a license to preach. +There was unusual interest in the result, and my father was among +those who came to the Conference to see the vote taken. During these +Conferences a minister voted affirmatively on a question by holding up +his hand, and negatively by failing to do so. When the question of my +license came up the majority of the ministers voted by raising both +hands, and in the pleasant excitement which followed my father slipped +away. Those who saw him told me he looked pleased; but he sent me no +message showing a change of viewpoint, and the gulf between the family +and its black sheep remained unbridged. Though the warmth of Mary's +love for me had become a memory, the warmth of her hearthstone was still +offered me. I accepted it, perforce, and we lived together like shadows +of what we had been. Two friends alone of all I had made stood by me +without qualification--Miss Foot and Clara Osborn, the latter my "chum" +at Big Rapids and a dweller in my heart to this day. + +In the mean time my preaching had not interfered with my studies. I +was working day and night, but life was very difficult; for among my +schoolmates, too, there were doubts and much head-shaking over this +choice of a career. I needed the sound of friendly voices, for I +was very lonely; and suddenly, when the pressure from all sides was +strongest and I was going down physically under it, a voice was raised +that I had never dared to dream would speak for me. Mary A. Livermore +came to Big Rapids, and as she was then at the height of her career, the +entire countryside poured in to hear her. Far back in the crowded hall +I sat alone and listened to her, thrilled by the lecture and tremulous +with the hope of meeting the lecturer. When she had finished speaking I +joined the throng that surged forward from the body of the hall, and +as I reached her and felt the grasp of her friendly hand I had a sudden +conviction that the meeting was an epoch in my life. I was right. Some +one in the circle around us told her that I wanted to preach, and that +I was meeting tremendous opposition. She was interested at once. She +looked at me with quickening sympathy, and then, suddenly putting an arm +around me, drew me close to her side. + +"My dear," she said, quietly, "if you want to preach, go on and preach. +Don't let anybody stop you. No matter what people say, don't let them +stop you!" + +For a moment I was too overcome to answer her. These were almost my +first encouraging words, and the morning stars singing together could +not have made sweeter music for my ears. Before I could recover a woman +within hearing spoke up. + +"Oh, Mrs. Livermore," she exclaimed, "don't say that to her! We're all +trying to stop her. Her people are wretched over the whole thing. And +don't you see how ill she is? She has one foot in the grave and the +other almost there!" + +Mrs. Livermore turned upon me a long and deeply thoughtful look. "Yes," +she said at last, "I see she has. But it is better that she should die +doing the thing she wants to do than that she should die because she +can't do it." + +Her words were a tonic which restored my voice. "So they think I'm going +to die!" I cried. "Well, I'm not! I'm going to live and preach!" + +I have always felt since then that without the inspiration of Mrs. +Livermore's encouragement I might not have continued my fight. Her +sanction was a shield, however, from which the criticisms of the world +fell back. Fate's more friendly interest in my affairs that year was +shown by the fact that she sent Mrs. Livermore into my life before I had +met Anna Dickinson. Miss Dickinson came to us toward spring and lectured +on Joan of Arc. Never before or since have I been more deeply moved by +a speaker. When she had finished her address I made my happy way to the +front of the hall with the others who wished to meet the distinguished +guest. It was our local manager who introduced me, and he said, "This is +our Anna Shaw. She is going to be a lecturer, too." + +I looked up at the brilliant Miss Dickinson with the trustfulness of +youth in my eyes. I remembered Mrs. Livermore and I thought all +great women were like her, but I was now to experience a bitter +disillusionment. Miss Dickinson barely touched the tips of my fingers +as she looked indifferently past the side of my face. "Ah," she said, +icily, and turned away. In later years I learned how impossible it is +for a public speaker to leave a gracious impression on every life that +for a moment touches her own; but I have never ceased to be thankful +that I met Mrs. Livermore before I met Miss Dickinson at the crisis in +my career. + +In the autumn of 1873 I entered Albion College, in Albion, Michigan. I +was twenty-five years of age, but I looked much younger--probably not +more than eighteen to the casual glance. Though I had made every effort +to save money, I had not been successful, for my expenses constantly +outran my little income, and my position as preacher made it necessary +for me to have a suitable wardrobe. When the time came to enter college +I had exactly eighteen dollars in the world, and I started for Albion +with this amount in my purse and without the slightest notion of how I +was to add to it. The money problem so pressed upon me, in fact, that +when I reached my destination at midnight and discovered that it would +cost fifty cents to ride from the station to the college, I saved that +amount by walking the entire distance on the railroad tracks, while my +imagination busied itself pleasantly with pictures of the engine that +might be thundering upon me in the rear. I had chosen Albion because +Miss Foot had been educated there, and I was encouraged by an incident +that happened the morning after my arrival. I was on the campus, walking +toward the main building, when I saw a big copper penny lying on the +ground, and, on picking it up, I discovered that it bore the year of my +birth. That seemed a good omen, and it was emphatically underlined by +the finding of two exactly similar pennies within a week. Though there +have been days since then when I was sorely tempted to spend them, I +have those three pennies still, and I confess to a certain comfort in +their possession! + +As I had not completed my high-school course, my first days at Albion +were spent in strenuous preparation for the entrance examinations; and +one morning, as I was crossing the campus with a History of the United +States tucked coyly under my arm, I met the president of the college, +Dr. Josclyn. He stopped for a word of greeting, during which I betrayed +the fact that I had never studied United States history. Dr. Josclyn at +once invited me into his office with, I am quite sure, the purpose of +explaining as kindly as he could that my preparation for college was +insufficient. As an opening to the subject he began to talk of history, +and we talked and talked on, while unheeded hours were born and died. +We discussed the history of the United States, the governments of the +world, the causes which led to the influence of one nation on another, +the philosophical basis of the different national movements westward, +and the like. It was the longest and by far the most interesting talk I +have ever had with a highly educated man, and during it I could actually +feel my brain expand. When I rose to go President Josclyn stopped me. + +"I have something to give you," he said, and he wrote a few words on +a slip of paper and handed the slip to me. When, on reaching the +dormitory, I opened it, I found that the president had passed me in the +history of the entire college course! This, moreover, was not the only +pleasant result of our interview, for within a few weeks President and +Mrs. Josclyn, whose daughter had recently died, invited me to board with +them, and I made my home with them during my first year at Albion. + +My triumph in history was followed by the swift and chastening discovery +that I was behind my associates in several other branches. Owing to my +father's early help, I was well up in mathematics, but I had much to +learn of philosophy and the languages, and to these I devoted many +midnight candles. + +Naturally, I soon plunged into speaking, and my first public speech at +college was a defense of Xantippe. I have always felt that the poor lady +was greatly abused, and that Socrates deserved all he received from her, +and more. I was glad to put myself on record as her champion, and my +fellow-students must soon have felt that my admiration for Xantippe was +based on similarities of temperament, for within a few months I was +leading the first college revolt against the authority of the men +students. + +Albion was a coeducational institution, and the brightest jewels in +its crown were its three literary societies--the first composed of +men alone, the second of women alone, and the third of men and women +together. Each of the societies made friendly advances to new students, +and for some time I hesitated on the brink of the new joys they offered, +uncertain which to choose. A representative of the mixed society, who +was putting its claims before me, unconsciously helped me to make up my +mind. + +"Women," he pompously assured me, "need to be associated with men, +because they don't know how to manage meetings." + +On the instant the needle of decision swung around to the women's +society and remained there, fixed. + +"If they don't," I told the pompous young man, "it's high time they +learned. I shall join the women, and we'll master the art." + +I did join the women's society, and I had not been a member very long +before I discovered that when there was an advantage of any kind to be +secured the men invariably got it. While I was brooding somberly upon +this wrong an opportunity came to make a formal and effective protest +against the men's high-handed methods. The Quinquennial reunion of all +the societies was about to be held, and the special feature of this +festivity was always an oration. The simple method of selecting the +orator which had formerly prevailed had been for the young men to decide +upon the speaker and then announce his name to the women, who humbly +confirmed it. On this occasion, however, when the name came in to us, +I sent a message to our brother society to the effect that we, too, +intended to make a nomination and to send in a name. + +At such unprecedented behavior the entire student body arose in +excitement, which, among the girls, was combined with equal parts of +exhilaration and awe. The men refused to consider our nominee, and as a +friendly compromise we suggested that we have a joint meeting of all the +societies and elect the speaker at this gathering; but this plan also +the men at first refused, giving in only after weeks of argument, during +which no one had time for the calmer pleasures of study. When the joint +meeting was finally held, nothing was accomplished; we girls had one +more member than the boys had, and we promptly re-elected our candidate, +who was as promptly declined by the boys. Two of our girls were engaged +to two of the boys, and it was secretly planned by our brother society +that during a second joint meeting these two men should take the girls +out for a drive and then slip back to vote, leaving the girls at some +point sufficiently remote from college. We discovered the plot, however, +in time to thwart it, and at last, when nothing but the unprecedented +tie-up had been discussed for months, the boys suddenly gave up their +candidate and nominated me for orator. + +This was not at all what I wanted, and I immediately declined to serve. +We girls then nominated the young man who had been first choice of our +brother society, but he haughtily refused to accept the compliment. +The reunion was only a fortnight away, and the programme had not +been printed, so now the president took the situation in hand and +peremptorily ordered me to accept the nomination or be suspended. This +was a wholly unexpected boomerang. I had wished to make a good fight for +equal rights for the girls, and to impress the boys with the fact of our +existence as a society; but I had not desired to set the entire student +body by the ears nor to be forced to prepare and deliver an oration +at the eleventh hour. Moreover, I had no suitable gown to wear on so +important an occasion. One of my classmates, however, secretly wrote to +my sister, describing my blushing honors and explaining my need, and my +family rallied to the call. My father bought the material, and my +mother and Mary paid for the making of the gown. It was a white +alpaca creation, trimmed with satin, and the consciousness that it +was extremely becoming sustained me greatly during the mental agony of +preparing and delivering my oration. To my family that oration was the +redeeming episode of my early career. For the moment it almost made them +forget my crime of preaching. + +My original fund of eighteen dollars was now supplemented by the +proceeds of a series of lectures I gave on temperance. The temperance +women were not yet organized, but they had their speakers, and I was +occasionally paid five dollars to hold forth for an hour or two in the +little country school-houses of our region. As a licensed preacher I +had no tuition fees to pay at college; but my board, in the home of the +president and his wife, was costing me four dollars a week, and this was +the limit of my expenses, as I did my own laundry-work. During my first +college year the amount I paid for amusement was exactly fifty cents; +that went for a lecture. The mental strain of the whole experience was +rather severe, for I never knew how much I would be able to earn; and +I was beginning to feel the effects of this when Christmas came and +brought with it a gift of ninety-two dollars, which Miss Foot had +collected among my Big Rapids friends. That, with what I could earn, +carried me through the year. + +The following spring our brother James, who was now living in St. +Johnsbury, Vermont, invited my sister Mary and me to spend the summer +with him, and Mary and I finally dug a grave for our little hatchet and +went East together with something of our old-time joy in each other's +society. We reached St. Johnsbury one Saturday, and within an hour of +our arrival learned that my brother had arranged for me to preach in a +local church the following day. That threatened to spoil the visit for +Mary and even to disinter the hatchet! At first she positively refused +to go to hear me, but after a few hours of reflection she announced +gloomily that if she did not go I would not have my hair arranged +properly or get my hat on straight. Moved by this conviction, she joined +the family parade to the church, and later, in the sacristy, she pulled +me about and pinned me up to her heart's content. Then, reluctantly, she +went into the church and heard me preach. She offered no tributes after +our return to the house, but her protests ceased from that time, and we +gave each other the love and understanding which had marked our girlhood +days. The change made me very happy; for Mary was the salt of the earth, +and next only to my longing for my mother, I had longed for her in the +years of our estrangement. + +Every Sunday that summer I preached in or near St. Johnsbury, and toward +autumn we had a big meeting which the ministers of all the surrounding +churches attended. I was asked to preach the sermon--a high +compliment--and I chose that important day to make a mistake in quoting +a passage from Scripture. I asked, "Can the Ethiopian change his spots +or the leopard his skin?" I realized at once that I had transposed the +words, and no doubt a look of horror dawned in my eyes; but I went on +without correcting myself and without the slightest pause. Later, one of +the ministers congratulated me on this presence of mind. + +"If you had corrected yourself," he said, "all the young people would +have been giggling yet over the spotted nigger. Keep to your rule of +going right ahead!" + +At the end of the summer the various churches in which I had preached +gave me a beautiful gold watch and one hundred dollars in money, and +with an exceedingly light heart I went back to college to begin my +second year of work. + +From that time life was less complex. I had enough temperance-work and +preaching in the country school-houses and churches to pay my college +expenses, and, now that my financial anxieties were relieved, my health +steadily improved. Several times I preached to the Indians, and these +occasions were among the most interesting of my experiences. The squaws +invariably brought their babies with them, but they had a simple and +effective method of relieving themselves of the care of the infants +as soon as they reached the church. The papooses, who were strapped to +their boards, were hung like a garment on the back wall of the building +by a hole in the top of the board, which projected above their heads. +Each papoose usually had a bit of fat pork tied to the end of a string +fastened to its wrist, and with these sources of nourishment the +infants occupied themselves pleasantly while the sermon was in progress. +Frequently the pork slipped down the throat of the papoose, but the +struggle of the child and the jerking of its hands in the strangulation +that followed pulled the piece safely out again. As I faced the +congregation I also faced the papooses, to whom the indifferent backs +of their mothers were presented; it seemed to me there was never a time +when some papoose was not choking, but no matter how much excitement or +discomfort was going on among the babies, not one squaw turned her head +to look back at them. In that assemblage the emotions were not allowed +to interrupt the calm intellectual enjoyment of the sermon. + +My most dramatic experience during this period occurred in the summer of +1874, when I went to a Northern lumber-camp to preach in the pulpit of +a minister who was away on his honeymoon. The stage took me within +twenty-two miles of my destination, to a place called Seberwing. To my +dismay, however, when I arrived at Seberwing, Saturday evening, I found +that the rest of the journey lay through a dense woods, and that I could +reach my pulpit in time the next morning only by having some one drive +me through the woods that night. It was not a pleasant prospect, for +I had heard appalling tales of the stockades in this region and of the +women who were kept prisoners there. But to miss the engagement was not +to be thought of, and when, after I had made several vain efforts to +find a driver, a man appeared in a two-seated wagon and offered to take +me to my destination, I felt that I had to go with him, though I did not +like his appearance. He was a huge, muscular person, with a protruding +jaw and a singularly evasive eye; but I reflected that his forbidding +expression might be due, in part at least, to the prospect of the long +night drive through the woods, to which possibly he objected as much as +I did. + +It was already growing dark when we started, and within a few moments we +were out of the little settlement and entering the woods. With me I +had a revolver I had long since learned to use, but which I very rarely +carried. I had hesitated to bring it now--had even left home without it; +and then, impelled by some impulse I never afterward ceased to bless, +had returned for it and dropped it into my hand-bag. + +I sat on the back seat of the wagon, directly behind the driver, and for +a time, as we entered the darkening woods, his great shoulders blotted +out all perspective as he drove on in stolid silence. Then, little by +little, they disappeared like a rapidly fading negative. The woods were +filled with Norway pines, hemlocks, spruce, and tamaracks-great, somber +trees that must have shut out the light even on the brightest days. +To-night the heavens held no lamps aloft to guide us, and soon the +darkness folded around us like a garment. I could see neither the driver +nor his horses. I could hear only the sibilant whisper of the trees and +the creak of our slow wheels in the rough forest road. + +Suddenly the driver began to talk, and at first I was glad to hear the +reassuring human tones, for the experience had begun to seem like a bad +dream. I replied readily, and at once regretted that I had done so, +for the man's choice of topics was most unpleasant. He began to tell me +stories of the stockades--grim stories with horrible details, repeated +so fully and with such gusto that I soon realized he was deliberately +affronting my ears. I checked him and told him I could not listen to +such talk. + +He replied with a series of oaths and shocking vulgarities, stopping his +horses that he might turn and fling the words into my face. He ended +by snarling that I must think him a fool to imagine he did not know +the kind of woman I was. What was I doing in that rough country, he +demanded, and why was I alone with him in those black woods at night? + +Though my heart missed a beat just then, I tried to answer him calmly. + +"You know perfectly well who I am," I reminded him. "And you understand +that I am making this journey to-night because I am to preach to-morrow +morning and there is no other way to keep my appointment." + +He uttered a laugh which was a most unpleasant sound. + +"Well," he said, coolly, "I'm damned if I'll take you. I've got you +here, and I'm going to keep you here!" + +I slipped my hand into the satchel in my lap, and it touched my +revolver. No touch of human fingers ever brought such comfort. With a +deep breath of thanksgiving I drew it out and cocked it, and as I did so +he recognized the sudden click. + +"Here! What have you got there?" he snapped. + +"I have a revolver," I replied, as steadily as I could. "And it is +cocked and aimed straight at your back. Now drive on. If you stop again, +or speak, I'll shoot you." + +For an instant or two he blustered. + +"By God," he cried, "you wouldn't dare." + +"Wouldn't I?" I asked. "Try me by speaking just once more." + +Even as I spoke I felt my hair rise on my scalp with the horror of the +moment, which seemed worse than any nightmare a woman could experience. +But the man was conquered by the knowledge of the waiting, willing +weapon just behind him. He laid his whip savagely on the backs of his +horses and they responded with a leap that almost knocked me out of the +wagon. + +The rest of the night was a black terror I shall never forget. He did +not speak again, nor stop, but I dared not relax my caution for an +instant. Hour after hour crawled toward day, and still I sat in the +unpierced darkness, the revolver ready. I knew he was inwardly raging, +and that at any instant he might make a sudden jump and try to get the +revolver away from me. I decided that at his slightest movement I must +shoot. But dawn came at last, and just as its bluish light touched the +dark tips of the pines we drove up to the log hotel in the settlement +that was our destination. Here my driver spoke. + +"Get down," he said, gruffly. "This is the place." + +I sat still. Even yet I dared not trust him. Moreover, I was so stiff +after my vigil that I was not sure I could move. + +"You get down," I directed, "and wake up the landlord. Bring him out +here." + +He sullenly obeyed and aroused the hotel-owner, and when the latter +appeared I climbed out of the wagon with some effort but without +explanation. That morning I preached in my friend's pulpit as I had +promised to do, and the rough building was packed to its doors with +lumbermen who had come in from the neighboring camp. Their appearance +caused great surprise, as they had never attended a service before. +They formed a most picturesque congregation, for they all wore brilliant +lumber-camp clothing--blue or red shirts with yellow scarfs twisted +around their waists, and gay-colored jackets and logging-caps. There +were forty or fifty of them, and when we took up our collection they +responded with much liberality and cheerful shouts to one another. + +"Put in fifty cents!" they yelled across the church. "Give her a +dollar!" + +The collection was the largest that had been taken up in the history of +the settlement, but I soon learned that it was not the spiritual comfort +I offered which had appealed to the lumber-men. My driver of the +night before, who was one of their number, had told his pals of his +experience, and the whole camp had poured into town to see the woman +minister who carried a revolver. + +"Her sermon?" said one of them to my landlord, after the meeting. "Huh! +I dunno what she preached. But, say, don't make no mistake about one +thing: the little preacher has sure got grit!" + + + + +IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +When I returned to Albion College in the autumn of 1875 I brought with +me a problem which tormented me during my waking hours and chattered on +my pillow at night. Should I devote two more years of my vanishing +youth to the completion of my college course, or, instead, go at once +to Boston University, enter upon my theological studies, take my degree, +and be about my Father's business? + +I was now twenty-seven years old, and I had been a licensed preacher for +three years. My reputation in the Northwest was growing, and by sermons +and lectures I could certainly earn enough to pay the expenses of the +full college course. On the other hand, Boston was a new world. There I +would be alone and practically penniless, and the opportunities for work +might be limited. Quite possibly in my final two years at Albion I could +even save enough money to make the experience in Boston less difficult, +and the clear common sense I had inherited from my mother reminded me +that in this course lay wisdom. Possibly it was some inheritance from my +visionary father which made me, at the end of three months, waive these +sage reflections, pack my few possessions, and start for Boston, where I +entered the theological school of the university in February, 1876. + +It was an instance of stepping off a solid plank and into space; and +though there is exhilaration in the sensation, as I discovered then and +at later crises in life when I did the same thing, there was also an +amount of subsequent discomfort for which even my lively imagination +had not prepared me. I went through some grim months in Boston--months +during which I learned what it was to go to bed cold and hungry, to +wake up cold and hungry, and to have no knowledge of how long these +conditions might continue. But not more than once or twice during the +struggle there, and then only for an hour or two in the physical and +mental depression attending malnutrition, did I regret coming. At that +period of my life I believed that the Lord had my small personal affairs +very much on His mind. If I starved and froze it was His test of my +worthiness for the ministry, and if He had really chosen me for one of +His servants, He would see me through. The faith that sustained me +then has still a place in my life, and existence without it would be an +infinitely more dreary affair than it is. But I admit that I now call +upon the Lord less often and less imperatively than I did before the +stern years taught me my unimportance in the great scheme of things. + +My class at the theological school was composed of forty-two young men +and my unworthy self, and before I had been a member of it an hour I +realized that women theologians paid heavily for the privilege of being +women. The young men of my class who were licensed preachers were given +free accommodations in the dormitory, and their board, at a club formed +for their assistance, cost each of them only one dollar and twenty-five +cents a week. For me no such kindly provision was made. I was not +allowed a place in the dormitory, but instead was given two dollars a +week to pay the rent of a room outside. Neither was I admitted to the +economical comforts of the club, but fed myself according to my income, +a plan which worked admirably when there was an income, but left an +obvious void when there was not. + +With characteristic optimism, however, I hired a little attic room on +Tremont Street and established myself therein. In lieu of a window +the room offered a pale skylight to the February storms, and there +was neither heat in it nor running water; but its possession gave me a +pleasant sense of proprietorship, and the whole experience seemed a high +adventure. I at once sought opportunities to preach and lecture, but +these were even rarer than firelight and food. In Albion I had been +practically the only licensed preacher available for substitute and +special work. In Boston University's three theological classes there +were a hundred men, each snatching eagerly at the slightest possibility +of employment; and when, despite this competition, I received and +responded to an invitation to preach, I never knew whether I was to be +paid for my services in cash or in compliments. If, by a happy chance, +the compensation came in cash, the amount was rarely more than five +dollars, and never more than ten. There was no help in sight from my +family, whose early opposition to my career as a minister had hotly +flamed forth again when I started East. I lived, therefore, on milk and +crackers, and for weeks at a time my hunger was never wholly satisfied. +In my home in the wilderness I had often heard the wolves prowling +around our door at night. Now, in Boston, I heard them even at high +noon. + +There is a special and almost indescribable depression attending such +conditions. No one who has not experienced the combination of continued +cold, hunger, and loneliness in a great, strange, indifferent city can +realize how it undermines the victim's nerves and even tears at the +moral fiber. The self-humiliation I experienced was also intense. I had +worked my way in the Northwest; why could I not work my way in Boston? +Was there, perhaps, some lack in me and in my courage? Again and again +these questions rose in my mind and poisoned my self-confidence. The +one comfort I had in those black days was the knowledge that no +one suspected the depth of the abyss in which I dwelt. We were +all struggling; to the indifferent glance--and all glances were +indifferent--my struggle was no worse than that of my classmates whose +rooms and frugal meals were given them. + +After a few months of this existence I was almost ready to believe that +the Lord's work for me lay outside of the ministry, and while this fear +was gripping me a serious crisis came in my financial affairs. The day +dawned when I had not a cent, nor any prospect of earning one. My stock +of provisions consisted of a box of biscuit, and my courage was flowing +from me like blood from an opened vein. Then came one of the quick turns +of the wheel of chance which make for optimism. Late in the afternoon +I was asked to do a week of revival work with a minister in a local +church, and when I accepted his invitation I mentally resolved to let +that week decide my fate. My shoes had burst open at the sides; for lack +of car-fare I had to walk to and from the scene of my meetings, though I +had barely strength for the effort. If my week of work brought me enough +to buy a pair of cheap shoes and feed me for a few days I would, I +decided, continue my theological course. If it did not, I would give up +the fight. + +Never have I worked harder or better than during those seven days, when +I put into the effort not only my heart and soul, but the last flame of +my dying vitality, We had a rousing revival--one of the good old-time +affairs when the mourners' benches were constantly filled and the air +resounded with alleluias. The excitement and our success, mildly aided +by the box of biscuit, sustained me through the week, and not until +the last night did I realize how much of me had gone into this final +desperate charge of mine. Then, the service over and the people +departed, I sank, weak and trembling, into a chair, trying to pull +myself together before hearing my fate in the good-night words of the +minister I had assisted. When he came to me and began to compliment me +on the work I had done, I could not rise. I sat still and listened with +downcast eyes, afraid to lift them lest he read in them something of my +need and panic in this moment when my whole future seemed at stake. + +At first his words rolled around the empty church as if they were +trying to get away from me, but at last I began to catch them. I was, it +seemed, a most desirable helper. It had been a privilege and a pleasure +to be associated with me. Beyond doubt, I would go far in my career. +He heartily wished that he could reward me adequately. I deserved fifty +dollars. + +My tired heart fluttered at this. Probably my empty stomach fluttered, +too; but in the next moment something seemed to catch my throat and stop +my breath. For it appeared that, notwithstanding the enthusiasm and +the spiritual uplift of the week, the collections had been very +disappointing and the expenses unusually heavy. He could not give me +fifty dollars. He could not give me anything at all. He thanked me +warmly and wished me good night. + +I managed to answer him and to get to my feet, but that journey down the +aisle from my chair to the church door was the longest journey I have +ever made. During it I felt not only the heart-sick disappointment of +the moment, but the cumulative unhappiness of the years to come. I was +friendless, penniless, and starving, but it was not of these conditions +that I thought then. The one overwhelming fact was that I had been +weighed and found wanting. I was not worthy. + +I stumbled along, passing blindly a woman who stood on the street near +the church entrance. She stopped me, timidly, and held out her hand. +Then suddenly she put her arms around me and wept. She was an old lady, +and I did not know her, but it seemed fitting that she should cry just +then, as it would have seemed fitting to me if at that black moment all +the people on the earth had broken into sudden wailing. + +"Oh, Miss Shaw," she said, "I'm the happiest woman in the world, and I +owe my happiness to you. To-night you have converted my grandson. He's +all I have left, but he has been a wild boy, and I've prayed over him +for years. Hereafter he is going to lead a different life. He has just +given me his promise on his knees." + +Her hand fumbled in her purse. + +"I am a poor woman," she went on, "but I have enough, and I want to make +you a little present. I know how hard life is for you young students." + +She pressed a bill into my fingers. "It's very little," she said, +humbly; "it is only five dollars." + +I laughed, and in that exultant moment I seemed to hear life laughing +with me. With the passing of the bill from her hand to mine existence +had become a new experience, wonderful and beautiful. + +"It's the biggest gift I have ever had," I told her. "This little bill +is big enough to carry my future on its back!" + +I had a good meal that night, and I bought the shoes the next morning. +Infinitely more sustaining than the food, however, was the conviction +that the Lord was with me and had given me a sign of His approval. The +experience was the turning-point of my theological career. When the +money was gone I succeeded in obtaining more work from time to time--and +though the grind was still cruelly hard, I never again lost hope. The +theological school was on Bromfield Street, and we students climbed +three flights of stairs to reach our class-rooms. Through lack of proper +food I had become too weak to ascend these stairs without sitting down +once or twice to rest, and within a month after my experience with the +appreciative grandmother I was discovered during one of these resting +periods by Mrs. Barrett, the superintendent of the Woman's Foreign +Missionary Society, which had offices in our building. She stopped, +looked me over, and then invited me into her room, where she asked me +if I felt ill. I assured her that I did not. She asked a great many +additional questions and, little by little, under the womanly sympathy +of them, my reserve broke down and she finally got at the truth, which +until that hour I had succeeded in concealing. She let me leave without +much comment, but the next day she again invited me into her office and +came directly to the purpose of the interview. + +"Miss Shaw," she said, "I have been talking to a friend of mine about +you, and she would like to make a bargain with you. She thinks you are +working too hard. She will pay you three dollars and a half a week +for the rest of this school year if you will promise to give up your +preaching. She wants you to rest, study, and take care of your health." + +I asked the name of my unknown friend, but Mrs. Barrett said that was to +remain a secret. She had been given a check for seventy-eight dollars, +and from this, she explained, my allowance would be paid in weekly +instalments. I took the money very gratefully, and a few years later I +returned the amount to the Missionary Society; but I never learned the +identity of my benefactor. Her three dollars and a half a week, added to +the weekly two dollars I was allowed for room rent, at once solved the +problem of living; and now that meal-hours had a meaning in my life, my +health improved and my horizon brightened. I spent most of my evenings +in study, and my Sundays in the churches of Phillips Brooks and James +Freeman Clark, my favorite ministers. Also, I joined the university's +praying-band of students, and took part in the missionary-work among the +women of the streets. I had never forgotten my early friend in Lawrence, +the beautiful "mysterious lady" who had loved me as a child, and, in +memory of her, I set earnestly about the effort to help unfortunates of +her class. I went into the homes of these women, followed them to the +streets and the dance-halls, talked to them, prayed with them, and +made friends among them. Some of them I was able to help, but many were +beyond help; and I soon learned that the effective work in that field is +the work which is done for women before, not after, they have fallen. + +During my vacation in the summer of 1876 I went to Cape Cod and earned +my expenses by substituting in local pulpits. Here, at East Dennis, I +formed the friendship which brought me at once the greatest happiness +and the deepest sorrow of that period of my life. My new friend was +a widow whose name was Persis Addy, and she was also the daughter of +Captain Prince Crowell, then the most prominent man in the Cape Cod +community--a bank president, a railroad director, and a citizen of +wealth, as wealth was rated in those days. When I returned to the +theological school in the autumn Mrs. Addy came to Boston with me, and +from that time until her death, two years later, we lived together. She +was immensely interested in my work, and the friendly part she took in +it diverted her mind from the bereavement over which she had brooded for +years, while to me her coming opened windows into a new world. I was +no longer lonely; and though in my life with her I paid my way to +the extent of my small income, she gave me my first experience of +an existence in which comfort and culture, recreation, and leisurely +reading were cheerful commonplaces. For the first time I had some one +to come home to, some one to confide in, some one to talk to, listen +to, and love. We read together and went to concerts together; and it was +during this winter that I attended my first theatrical performance. The +star was Mary Anderson, in "Pygmalion and Galatea," and play and player +charmed me so utterly that I saw them every night that week, sitting +high in the gallery and enjoying to the utmost the unfolding of this new +delight. It was so glowing a pleasure that I longed to make some return +to the giver of it; but not until many years afterward, when I met +Madame Navarro in London, was I able to tell her what the experience had +been and to thank her for it. + +I did not long enjoy the glimpses into my new world, for soon, and +most tragically, it was closed to me. In the spring following our first +Boston winter together Mrs. Addy and I went to Hingham, Massachusetts, +where I had been appointed temporary pastor of the Methodist Church. +There Mrs. Addy was taken ill, and as she grew steadily worse we +returned to Boston to live near the best available physicians, who for +months theorized over her malady without being able to diagnose it. At +last her father, Captain Crowell, sent to Paris for Dr. Brown-Sequard, +then the most distinguished specialist of his day, and Dr. +Brown-Sequard, when he arrived and examined his patient, discovered that +she had a tumor on the brain. She had had a great shock in her life--the +tragic death of her husband at sea during their wedding tour around +the world--and it was believed that her disease dated from that time. +Nothing could be done for her, and she failed daily during our second +year together, and died in March, 1878, just before I finished my +theological course and while I was still temporary pastor of the church +at Hingham. Every moment I could take from my parish and my studies I +spent with her, and those were sorrowful months. In her poor, tortured +brain the idea formed that I, not she, was the sick person in our family +of two, and when we were at home together she insisted that I must lie +down and let her nurse me; then for hours she brooded over me, trying to +relieve the agony she believed I was experiencing. When at last she was +at peace her father and I took her home to Cape Cod and laid her in the +graveyard of the little church where we had met at the beginning of our +brief and beautiful friendship; and the subsequent loneliness I felt +was far greater than any I had ever suffered in the past, for now I had +learned the meaning of companionship. + +Three months after Mrs. Addy's death I graduated. She had planned +to take me abroad, and during our first winter together we had spent +countless hours talking and dreaming of our European wanderings. When +she found that she must die she made her will and left me fifteen +hundred dollars for the visit to Europe, insisting that I must carry out +the plan we had made; and during her conscious periods she constantly +talked of this and made me promise that I would go. After her death it +seemed to me that to go without her was impossible. Everything of beauty +I looked upon would hold memories of her, keeping fresh my sorrow and +emphasizing my loneliness; but it was her last expressed desire that I +should go, and I went. + +First, however, I had graduated--clad in a brandnew black silk gown, and +with five dollars in my pocket, which I kept there during the graduation +exercises. I felt a special satisfaction in the possession of that +money, for, notwithstanding the handicap of being a woman, I was said to +be the only member of my class who had worked during the entire course, +graduated free from debt, and had a new outfit as well as a few dollars +in cash. + +I graduated without any special honors. Possibly I might have won +some if I had made the effort, but my graduation year, as I have just +explained, had been very difficult. As it was, I was merely a good +average student, feeling my isolation as the only woman in my class, +but certainly not spurring on my men associates by the display of any +brilliant gifts. Naturally, I missed a great deal of class fellowship +and class support, and throughout my entire course I rarely entered my +class-room without the abysmal conviction that I was not really wanted +there. But some of the men were goodhumoredly cordial, and several of +them are among my friends to-day. Between myself and my family there +still existed the breach I had created when I began to preach. With the +exception of Mary and James, my people openly regarded me, during my +theological course, as a dweller in outer darkness, and even my mother's +love was clouded by what she felt to be my deliberate and persistent +flouting of her wishes. + +Toward the end of my university experience, however, an incident +occurred which apparently changed my mother's viewpoint. She was +now living with my sister Mary, in Big Rapids, Michigan, and, on the +occasion of one of my rare and brief visits to them I was invited to +preach in the local church. Here, for the first time, my mother heard +me. Dutifully escorted by one of my brothers, she attended church that +morning in a state of shivering nervousness. I do not know what she +expected me to do or say, but toward the end of the sermon it +became clear that I had not justified her fears. The look of intense +apprehension left her eyes, her features relaxed into placidity, and +later in the day she paid me the highest compliment I had yet received +from a member of my family. + +"I liked the sermon very much," she peacefully told my brother. "Anna +didn't say anything about hell, or about anything else!" + +When we laughed at this handsome tribute, she hastened to qualify it. + +"What I mean," she explained, "is that Anna didn't say anything +objectionable in the pulpit!" And with this recognition I was content. + +Between the death of my friend and my departure for Europe I buried +myself in the work of the university and of my little church; and as if +in answer to the call of my need, Mary E. Livermore, who had given me +the first professional encouragement I had ever received, re-entered my +life. Her husband, like myself, was pastor of a church in Hingham, and +whenever his finances grew low, or there was need of a fund for some +special purpose--conditions that usually exist in a small church--his +brilliant wife came to his assistance and raised the money, while her +husband retired modestly to the background and regarded her with adoring +eyes. On one of these occasions, I remember, when she entered the pulpit +to preach her sermon, she dropped her bonnet and coat on an unoccupied +chair. A little later there was need of this chair, and Mr. Livermore, +who sat under the pulpit, leaned forward, picked up the garments, and, +without the least trace of selfconsciousness, held them in his lap +throughout the sermon. One of the members of the church, who appeared +to be irritated by the incident, later spoke of it to him and added, +sardonically, "How does it feel to be merely 'Mrs. Livermore's +husband'?" + +In reply Mr. Livermore flashed on him one of his charming smiles. "Why, +I'm very proud of it," he said, with the utmost cheerfulness. "You see, +I'm the only man in the world who has that distinction." + +They were a charming couple, the Livermores, and they deserved far more +than they received from a world to which they gave so freely and so +richly. To me, as to others, they were more than kind; and I never +recall them without a deep feeling of gratitude and an equally deep +sense of loss in their passing. + +It was during this period, also, that I met Frances E. Willard. There +was a great Moody revival in progress in Boston, and Miss Willard was +the righthand assistant of Mr. Moody. To her that revival must have been +marked with a star, for during it she met for the first time Miss Anna +Gordon, who became her life-long friend and her biographer. The meetings +also laid the foundation of our friendship, and for many years Miss +Willard and I were closely associated in work and affection. + +On the second or third night of the revival, during one of the "mixed +meetings," attended by both women and men, Mr. Moody invited those who +were willing to talk to sinners to come to the front. I went down the +aisle with others, and found a seat near Miss Willard, to whom I was +then introduced by some one who knew us both. I wore my hair short in +those days, and I had a little fur cap on my head. Though I had been +preaching for several years, I looked absurdly young--far too young, it +soon became evident, to interest Mr. Moody. He was already moving about +among the men and women who had responded to his invitation, and one by +one he invited them to speak, passing me each time until at last I +was left alone. Then he took pity on me and came to my side to whisper +kindly that I had misunderstood his invitation. He did not want young +girls to talk to his people, he said, but mature women with worldly +experience. He advised me to go home to my mother, adding, to soften the +blow, that some time in the future when there were young girls at the +meeting I could come and talk to them. + +I made no explanations to him, but started to leave, and Miss Willard, +who saw me departing, followed and stopped me. She asked why I was +going, and I told her that Mr. Moody had sent me home to grow. +Frances Willard had a keen sense of humor, and she enjoyed the joke so +thoroughly that she finally convinced me it was amusing, though at +first the humor of it had escaped me. She took me back to Mr. Moody and +explained the situation to him, and he apologized and put me to work. +He said he had thought I was about sixteen. After that I occasionally +helped him in the intervals of my other work. + +The time had come to follow Mrs. Addy's wishes and go to Europe, and I +sailed in the month of June following my graduation, and traveled +for three months with a party of tourists under the direction of Eben +Tourgee, of the Boston Conservatory of Music. We landed in Glasgow, and +from there went to England, Belgium, Holland, Germany, France, and +last of all to Italy. Our company included many clergymen and a +never-to-be-forgotten widow whose light-hearted attitude toward the +memory of her departed spouse furnished the comedy of our first voyage. +It became a pet diversion to ask her if her husband still lived, for she +always answered the question in the same mournful words, and with the +same manner of irrepressible gaiety. + +"Oh no!" she would chirp. "My dear departed has been in our Heavenly +Father's house for the past eight years!" + +At its best, the vacation without my friend was tragically incomplete, +and only a few of its incidents stand out with clearness across the +forty-six years that have passed since then. One morning, I remember, I +preached an impromptu sermon in the Castle of Heidelberg before a large +gathering; and a little later, in Genoa, I preached a very different +sermon to a wholly different congregation. There was a gospel-ship in +the harbor, and one Saturday the pastor of it came ashore to ask if +some American clergyman in our party would preach on his ship the next +morning. He was an old-time, orthodox Presbyterian, and from the tips +of his broad-soled shoes to the severe part in the hair above his +sanctimonious brow he looked the type. I was not present when he called +at our hotel, and my absence gave my fellow-clergymen an opportunity to +play a joke on the gentleman from the gospel-ship. They assured him that +"Dr. Shaw" would preach for him, and the pastor returned to his post +greatly pleased. When they told me of his invitation, however, they did +not add that they had neglected to tell him Dr. Shaw was a woman, and I +was greatly elated by the compliment I thought had been paid me. + +Our entire party of thirty went out to the gospelship the next morning, +and when the pastor came to meet us, lank and forbidding, his austere +lips vainly trying to curve into a smile of welcome, they introduced me +to him as the minister who was to deliver the sermon. He had just taken +my hand; he dropped it as if it had burned his own. For a moment he had +no words to meet the crisis. Then he stuttered something to the effect +that the situation was impossible that his men would not listen to a +woman, that they would mob her, that it would be blasphemous for a woman +to preach. My associates, who had so light-heartedly let me in for this +unpleasant experience, now realized that they must see me through it. +They persuaded him to allow me to preach the sermon. + +With deep reluctance the pastor finally accepted me and the situation; +but when the moment came to introduce me, he devoted most of his time to +heartfelt apologies for my presence. He explained to the sailors that +I was a woman, and fervidly assured them that he himself was not +responsible for my appearance there. With every word he uttered he put a +brick in the wall he was building between me and the crew, until at last +I felt that I could never get past it. I was very unhappy, very lonely, +very homesick; and suddenly the thought came to me that these men, +notwithstanding their sullen eyes and forbidding faces, might be lonely +and homesick, too. I decided to talk to them as a woman and not as a +minister, and I came down from the pulpit and faced them on their own +level, looking them over and mentally selecting the hardest specimens of +the lot as the special objects of my appeal. One old fellow, who +looked like a pirate with his red-rimmed eyes, weather-beaten skin, +and fimbriated face, grinned up at me in such sardonic challenge that I +walked directly in front of him and began to speak. I said: + +"My friends, I hope you will forget everything Dr. Blank has just said. +It is true that I am a minister, and that I came here to preach. But now +I do not intend to preach--only to have a friendly talk, on a text which +is not in the Bible. I am very far from home, and I feel as homesick as +some of you men look. So my text is, 'Blessed are the homesick, for they +shall go home.'" + +In my summers at Cape Cod I had learned something about sailors. I knew +that in the inprepossessing congregation before me there were many boys +who had run away from home, and men who had left home because of family +troubles. I talked to the young men first, to those who had forgotten +their mothers and thought their mothers had forgotten them, and I told +of my experiences with waiting, heavy-hearted mothers who had sons at +sea. Some heads went down at that, and here and there I saw a boy gulp, +but the old fellow I was particularly anxious to move still grinned up +at me like a malicious monkey. Then I talked of the sailor's wife, and +of her double burden of homemaking and anxiety, and soon I could pick +out some of the husbands by their softened faces. But still my old +man grinned and squinted. Last of all I described the whalers who were +absent from home for years, and who came back to find their children and +their grandchildren waiting for them. I told how I had seen them, in our +New England coast towns, covered, as a ship is covered with barnacles, +by grandchildren who rode on their shoulders and sat astride of their +necks as they walked down the village streets. And now at last the sneer +left my old man's loose lips. He had grandchildren somewhere. He +twisted uneasily in his seat, coughed, and finally took out a big red +handkerchief and wiped his eyes. The episode encouraged me. + +"When I came here," I added, "I intended to preach a sermon on 'The +Heavenly Vision.' Now I want to give you a glimpse of that in addition +to the vision we have had of home." + +I ended with a bit of the sermon and a prayer, and when I raised my head +the old man of the sardonic grin was standing before me. + +"Missus," he said in a husky whisper, "I'd like to shake your hand." + +I took his hard old fist, and then, seeing that many of the other +sailors were beginning to move hospitably but shyly toward me, I said: + +"I would like to shake hands with every man here." + +At the words they surged forward, and the affair became a reception, +during which I shook hands with every sailor of my congregation. The +next day my hand was swollen out of shape, for the sailors had gripped +it as if they were hauling on a hawser; but the experience was worth +the discomfort. The best moment of the morning came, however, when the +pastor of the ship faced me, goggle-eyed and marveling. + +"I wouldn't have believed it," was all he could say. "I thought the men +would mob you." + +"Why should they mob me?" I wanted to know. + +"Why," he stammered, "because the thing is so--so--unnatural." + +"Well," I said, "if it is unnatural for women to talk to men, we have +been living in an unnatural world for a long time. Moreover, if it is +unnatural, why did Jesus send a woman out as the first preacher?" + +He waived a discussion of that question by inviting us all to his cabin +to drink wine with him--and as we were "total abstainers," it seemed +as unnatural to us to have him offer us wine as a woman's preaching had +seemed to him. + +The next European incident on which memory throws a high-light was +our audience with Pope Leo XIII. As there were several distinguished +Americans in our party, a private audience was arranged for us, and for +days before the time appointed we nervously rehearsed the etiquette of +the occasion. When we reached the Vatican we were marched between rows +of Swiss Guards to the Throne Room, only to learn there that we were +to be received in the Tapestry Room. Here we found a very impressive +assemblage of cardinals and Vatican officials, and while we were still +lost in the beauty of the picture they made against the room's +superb background, the approach of the Pope was announced. Every +one immediately knelt, except a few persons who tried to show their +democracy by standing; but I am sure that even these individuals felt a +thrill when the slight, exquisite figure appeared at the door and gave +us a general benediction. Then the Pope passed slowly down the line, +offering his hand to each of us, and radiating a charm so gracious +and so human that few failed to respond to the appeal of his engaging +personality. There was nothing fleshly about Leo XIII. His body was so +frail, so wraithlike, that one almost expected to see through it the +magnificent tapestries on the walls. But from the moment he appeared +every eye clung to him, every thought was concentrated upon him. This +effect I think he would have produced even if he had come among us +unrecognized, for through the thin shell that housed it shone the steady +flame of a wonderful spirit. + +I had previously remarked to my friends that kissing the Pope's +ring after so many other lips had touched it did not appeal to me +as hygienic, and that I intended to kiss his hand instead. When my +opportunity came I kept my word; but after I had kissed the venerable +hand I remained kneeling for an instant with bowed head, a little aghast +at my daring. The gentle Father thought, however, that I was waiting +for a special blessing. He gave it to me gravely and passed on, and I +devoted the next few hours to ungodly crowing over the associates who +had received no such individual attention. + +In Venice we attended the great fete celebrating the first visit of +King Humbert and Queen Margherita. It was also the first time Venice had +entertained a queen since the Italian union, and the sea-queen of +the Adriatic outdid herself in the gorgeousness and the beauty of her +preparations. The Grand Canal was like a flowing rainbow, reflecting +the brilliant decorations on every side, and at night the moonlight, the +music, the chiming church-bells, the colored lanterns, the gay voices, +the lapping waters against the sides of countless gondolas made the +experience seem like a dream of a new and unbelievably beautiful world. +Forty thousand persons were gathered in the Square of St. Mark and +in front of the Palace, and I recall a pretty incident in which the +gracious Queen and a little street urchin figured. The small, ragged +boy had crept as close to the royal balcony as he dared, and then, +unobserved, had climbed up one of its pillars. At the moment when a +sudden hush had fallen on the crowd this infant, overcome by patriotism +and a glimpse of the royal lady on the balcony above him, suddenly piped +up shrilly in the silence. "Long live the Queen!" he cried. "Long live +the Queen!" + +The gracious Margherita heard the childish voice, and, amused and +interested, leaned over the balcony to see where it came from. What she +saw doubtless touched the mother-heart in her. She caught the eye of +the tattered urchin clinging to the pillar, and radiantly smiled on him. +Then, probably thinking that the King was absorbing the attention of +the great assemblage, she indulged in a little diversion. Leaning +far forward, she kissed the tip of her lace handkerchief and swept +it caressingly across the boy's brown cheek, smiling down at him as +unconsciously as if she and the enraptured youngster were alone together +in the world. The next instant she had straightened up and flushed, for +the watchful crowd had seen the episode and was wild with enthusiasm. +For ten minutes the people cheered the Queen without ceasing, and for +the next few days they talked of little but the spontaneous, girlish +action which had delighted them all. + +One more sentimental record, and I shall have reached another +mile-stone. As I have said, my friend Mrs. Addy left me in her will +fifteen hundred dollars for my visit to Europe, and before I sailed +her father, who was one of the best friends I have ever had, made a +characteristically kind proposition in connection with the little fund. +Instead of giving me the money, he gave me two railroad bonds, one +for one thousand dollars, the other for five hundred dollars, and each +drawing seven per cent. interest. He suggested that I deposit these +bonds in the bank of which he was president, and borrow from the bank +the money to go abroad. Then, when I returned and went into my new +parish, I could use some of my salary every month toward repaying the +loan. These monthly payments, he explained, could be as small as I +wished, but each month the interest on the amount I paid would cease. +I gladly took his advice and borrowed seven hundred dollars. After +I returned from Europe I repaid the loan in monthly instalments, and +eventually got my bonds, which I still own. They will mature in 1916. +I have had one hundred and five dollars a year from them, in interest, +ever since I received them in 1878--more than twice as much interest +as their face value--and every time I have gone abroad I have used this +interest toward paying my passage. Thus my friend has had a share in +each of the many visits I have made to Europe, and in all of them her +memory has been vividly with me. + +With my return from Europe my real career as a minister began. The year +in the pulpit at Hingham had been merely tentative, and though I had +succeeded in building up the church membership to four times what it had +been when I took charge, I was not reappointed. I had paid off a small +church debt, and had had the building repaired, painted, and carpeted. +Now that it was out of its difficulties it offered some advantages to +the occupant of its pulpit, and of these my successor, a man, received +the benefit. I, however, had small ground for complaint, for I was at +once offered and accepted the pastorate of a church at East Dennis, Cape +Cod. Here I went in October, 1878, and here I spent seven of the most +interesting years of my life. + + + + +V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +On my return from Europe, as I have said, I took up immediately and most +buoyantly the work of my new parish. My previous occupation of various +pulpits, whether long or short, had always been in the role of a +substitute. Now, for the first time, I had a church of my own, and was +to stand or fall by the record made in it. The ink was barely dry on +my diploma from the Boston Theological School, and, as it happened, +the little church to which I was called was in the hands of two warring +factions, whose battles furnished the most fervid interest of the Cape +Cod community. But my inexperience disturbed me not at all, and I was +blissfully ignorant of the division in the congregation. So I entered my +new field as trustfully as a child enters a garden; and though I was +in trouble from the beginning, and resigned three times in startling +succession, I ended by remaining seven years. + +My appointment did not cause even a lull in the warfare among my +parishioners. Before I had crossed the threshold of my church I was +made to realize that I was shepherd of a divided flock. Exactly what +had caused the original breach I never learned; but it had widened with +time, until it seemed that no peacemaker could build a bridge large +enough to span it. As soon as I arrived in East Dennis each faction +tried to pour into my ears its bitter criticisms of the other, but I +made and consistently followed the safe rule of refusing to listen to +either side, I announced publicly that I would hear no verbal charges +whatever, but that if my two flocks would state their troubles in +writing I would call a board meeting to discuss and pass upon them. This +they both resolutely refused to do (it was apparently the first time +they had ever agreed on any point); and as I steadily declined to listen +to complaints, they devised an original method of putting them before +me. + +During the regular Thursday-night prayer-meeting, held about two weeks +after my arrival, and at which, of course, I presided, they voiced their +difficulties in public prayer, loudly and urgently calling upon the Lord +to pardon such and such a liar, mentioning the gentleman by name, and +such and such a slanderer, whose name was also submitted. By the time +the prayers were ended there were few untarnished reputations in the +congregation, and I knew, perforce, what both sides had to say. + +The following Thursday night they did the same thing, filling their +prayers with intimate and surprising details of one another's history, +and I endured the situation solely because I did not know how to meet +it. I was still young, and my theological course had set no guide-posts +on roads as new as these. To interfere with souls in their communion +with God seemed impossible; to let them continue to utter personal +attacks in church, under cover of prayer, was equally impossible. Any +course I could follow seemed to lead away from my new parish, yet both +duty and pride made prompt action necessary. By the time we gathered +for the third prayermeeting I had decided what to do, and before the +services began I rose and addressed my erring children. I explained that +the character of the prayers at our recent meetings was making us the +laughingstock of the community, that unbelievers were ridiculing our +religion, and that the discipline of the church was being wrecked; and I +ended with these words, each of which I had carefully weighed: + +"Now one of two things must happen. Either you will stop this kind +of praying, or you will remain away from our meetings. We will hold +prayermeetings on another night, and I shall refuse admission to any +among you who bring personal criticisms into your public prayers." + +As I had expected it to do, the announcement created an immediate +uproar. Both factions sprang to their feet, trying to talk at once. The +storm raged until I dismissed the congregation, telling the members that +their conduct was an insult to the Lord, and that I would not listen to +either their protests or their prayers. They went unwillingly, but they +went; and the excitement the next day raised the sick from their beds to +talk of it, and swept the length and breadth of Cape Cod. The following +Sunday the little church held the largest attendance in its history. +Seemingly, every man and woman in town had come to hear what more I +would say about the trouble, but I ignored the whole matter. I preached +the sermon I had prepared, the subject of which was as remote from +church quarrels as our atmosphere was remote from peace, and my +congregation dispersed with expressions of such artless disappointment +that it was all I could do to preserve a dignified gravity. + +That night, however, the war was brought into my camp. At the evening +meeting the leader of one of the factions rose to his feet with the +obvious purpose of starting trouble. He was a retired sea-captain, of +the ruthless type that knocks a man down with a belaying-pin, and +he made his attack on me in a characteristically "straight from the +shoulder" fashion. He began with the proposition that my morning sermon +had been "entirely contrary to the Scriptures," and for ten minutes +he quoted and misquoted me, hammering in his points. I let him go on +without interruption. Then he added: + +"And this gal comes to this church and undertakes to tell us how we +shall pray. That's a highhanded measure, and I, for one, ain't goin' to +stand it. I want to say right here that I shall pray as I like, when +I like, and where I like. I have prayed in this heavenly way for fifty +years before that gal was born, and she can't dictate to me now!" + +By this time the whole congregation was aroused, and cries of "Sit +down!" "Sit down!" came from every side of the church. It was a hard +moment, but I was able to rise with some show of dignity. I was hurt +through and through, but my fighting blood was stirring. + +"No," I said, "Captain Sears has the floor. Let him say now all he +wishes to say, for it is the last time he will ever speak at one of our +meetings." + +Captain Sears, whose exertions had already made him apoplectic, turned a +darker purple. "What's that?" he shouted. "What d'ye mean?" + +"I mean," I replied, "that I do not intend to allow you or anybody else +to interfere with my meetings. You are a sea-captain. What would you do +to me if I came on board your ship and started a mutiny in your crew, or +tried to give you orders?" + +Captain Sears did not reply. He stood still, with his legs far apart and +braced, as he always stood when talking, but his eyes shifted a little. +I answered my own question. + +"You would put me ashore or in irons," I reminded him. "Now, Captain +Sears, I intend to put you ashore. I am the master of this ship. I have +set my course, and I mean to follow it. If you rebel, either you will +get out or I will. But until the board asks for my resignation, I am in +command." + +As it happened, I had put my ultimatum in the one form the old man could +understand. He sat down without a word and stared at me. We sang the +Doxology, and I dismissed the meeting. Again we had omitted prayers. +The next day Captain Sears sent me a letter recalling his subscription +toward the support of the church; and for weeks he remained away from +our services, returning under conditions I will mention later. Even at +the time, however, his attack helped rather than hurt me. At the +regular meeting the following Thursday night no personal criticisms were +included in the prayers, and eventually we had peace. But many battles +were lost and won before that happy day arrived. + +Captain Sears's vacant place among us was promptly taken by another +captain in East Dennis, whose name was also Sears. A few days after my +encounter with the first captain I met the second on the street. He had +never come to church, and I stopped and invited him to do so. He replied +with simple candor. + +"I ain't comin'," he told me. "There ain't no gal that can teach me +nothin'." + +"Perhaps you are wrong, Captain Sears," I replied. "I might teach you +something." + +"What?" demanded the captain, with chilling distrust. + +"Oh," I said, cheerfully, "let us say tolerance, for one thing." + +"Humph!" muttered the old man. "The Lord don't want none of your +tolerance, and neither do I." + +I laughed. "He doesn't object to tolerance," I said. "Come to church. +You can talk, too; and the Lord will listen to us both." + +To my surprise, the captain came the following Sunday, and during +the seven years I remained in the church he was one of my strongest +supporters and friends. I needed friends, for my second battle was not +slow in following my first. There was, indeed, barely time between in +which to care for the wounded. + +We had in East Dennis what was known as the "Free Religious Group," and +when some of the members of my congregation were not wrangling among +themselves, they were usually locking horns with this group. For years, +I was told, one of the prime diversions of the "Free Religious" faction +was to have a dance in our town hall on the night when we were using +it for our annual church fair. The rules of the church positively +prohibited dancing, so the worldly group took peculiar pleasure in +attending the fair, and during the evening in getting up a dance and +whirling about among us, to the horror of our members. Then they spent +the remainder of the year boasting of the achievement. It came to my +ears that they had decided to follow this pleasing programme at our +Christmas church celebration, so I called the church trustees together +and put the situation to them. + +"We must either enforce our discipline," I said, "or give it up. +Personally I do not object to dancing, but, as the church has ruled +against it, I intend to uphold the church. To allow these people to make +us ridiculous year after year is impossible. Let us either tell them +that they may dance or that they may not dance; but whatever we tell +them, let us make them obey our ruling." + +The trustees were shocked at the mere suggestion of letting them dance. + +"Very well," I ended. "Then they shall not dance. That is understood." + +Captain Crowell, the father of my dead friend Mrs. Addy, and himself +my best man friend, was a strong supporter of the Free Religious Group. +When its members raced to him with the news that I had said they could +not dance at the church's Christmas party, Captain Crowell laughed +goodhumoredly and told them to dance as much as they pleased, cheerfully +adding that he would get them out of any trouble they got into. Knowing +my friendship for him, and that I even owed my church appointment to +him, the Free Religious people were certain that I would never take +issue with him on dancing or on any other point. They made all their +preparations for the dance, therefore, with entire confidence, and +boasted that the affair would be the gayest they had ever arranged. My +people began to look at me with sympathy, and for a time I felt very +sorry for myself. It seemed sufficiently clear that "the gal" was to +have more trouble. + +On the night of the party things went badly from the first. There was +an evident intention among the worst of the Free Religious Group to +embarrass us at every turn. We opened the exercises with the Lord's +Prayer, which this element loudly applauded. A live kitten was hung +high on the Christmas tree, where it squalled mournfully beyond reach of +rescue, and the young men of the outside group threw cake at one another +across the hall. Finally tiring of these innocent diversions, they began +to prepare for their dance, and I protested. The spokesman of the group +waved me to one side. + +"Captain Crowell said we could," he remarked, airily. + +"Captain Crowell," I replied, "has no authority whatever in this matter. +The church trustees have decided that you cannot dance here, and I +intend to enforce their ruling." + +It was interesting to observe how rapidly the men of my congregation +disappeared from that hall. Like shadows they crept along the walls +and vanished through the doors. But the preparations for the dance went +merrily on. I walked to the middle of the room and raised my voice. +I was always listened to, for my hearers always had the hope, usually +realized, that I was about to get into more trouble. + +"You are determined to dance," I began. "I cannot keep you from doing +so. But I can and will make you regret that you have done so. The law +of the State of Massachusetts is very definite in regard to religious +meetings and religious gatherings. This hall was engaged and paid for +by the Wesleyan Methodist Church, of which I am pastor, and we have full +control of it to-night. Every man and woman who interrupts our exercises +by attempting to dance, or by creating a disturbance of any kind, will +be arrested to-morrow morning." + +Surprise at first, then consternation, swept through the ranks of the +Free Religious Group. They denied the existence of such a law as I had +mentioned, and I promptly read it aloud to them. The leaders went off +into a corner and consulted. By this time not one man in my parish +was left in the hall. As a result of the consultation in the corner, a +committee of the would-be dancers came to me and suggested a compromise. + +"Will you agree to arrest the men only?" they wanted to know. + +"No," I declared. "On the contrary, I shall have the women arrested +first! For the women ought to be standing with me now in the support +of law and order, instead of siding with the hoodlum element you +represent." + +That settled it. No girl or woman dared to go on the dancing-floor, +and no man cared to revolve merrily by himself. A whisper went round, +however, that the dance would begin when I had left. When the clock +struck twelve, at which hour, according to the town rule, the hall had +to be closed, I was the last person to leave it. Then I locked the +door myself, and carried the key away with me. There had been no Free +Religious dance that night. + +On the following Sunday morning the attendance at my church broke all +previous records. Every seat was occupied and every aisle was filled. +Men and women came from surrounding towns, and strange horses were +tied to all the fences in East Dennis. Every person in that church +was looking for excitement, and this time my congregation got what it +expected. Before I began my sermon I read my resignation, to take effect +at the discretion of the trustees. Then, as it was presumably my last +chance to tell the people and the place what I thought of them, I spent +an hour and a half in fervidly doing so. In my study of English I +had acquired a fairly large vocabulary. I think I used it all that +morning--certainly I tried to. If ever an erring congregation and +community saw themselves as they really were, mine did on that occasion. +I was heartsick, discouraged, and full of resentment and indignation, +which until then had been pent up. Under the arraignment my people +writhed and squirmed. I ended: + +"What I am saying hurts you, but in your hearts you know you deserve +every word of it. It is high time you saw yourselves as you are--a +disgrace to the religion you profess and to the community you live in." + +I was not sure the congregation would let me finish, but it did. My +hearers seemed torn by conflicting sentiments, in which anger and +curiosity led opposing sides. Many of them left the church in a white +fury, but others--more than I had expected--remained to speak to me +and assure me of their sympathy. Once on the streets, different groups +formed and mingled, and all day the little town rocked with arguments +for and against "the gal." + +Night brought another surprisingly large attendance. I expected more +trouble, and I faced it with difficulty, for I was very tired. Just as I +took my place in the pulpit, Captain Sears entered the church and walked +down the aisle--the Captain Sears who had left us at my invitation some +weeks before and had not since attended a church service. I was sure he +was there to make another attack on me while I was down, and, expecting +the worst, I wearily gave him his opportunity. The big old fellow +stood up, braced himself on legs far apart, as if he were standing on a +slippery deck during a high sea, and gave the congregation its biggest +surprise of the year. + +He said he had come to make a confession. He had been angry with "the +gal" in the past, as they all knew. But he had heard about the sermon +she had preached that morning, and this time she was right. It was high +time quarreling and backbiting were stopped. They had been going on too +long, and no good could come of them. Moreover, in all the years he +had been a member of that congregation he had never until now seen +the pulpit occupied by a minister with enough backbone to uphold the +discipline of the church. "I've come here to say I'm with the gal," he +ended. "Put me down for my original subscription and ten dollars extra!" + +So we had the old man back again. He was a tower of strength, and he +stood by me faithfully until he died. The trustees would not accept +my resignation (indeed, they refused to consider it at all), and the +congregation, when it had thought things over, apparently decided that +there might be worse things in the pulpit than "the gal." It was even +known to brag of what it called my "spunk," and perhaps it was this +quality, rather than any other, which I most needed in that particular +parish at that time. As for me, when the fight was over I dropped it +from my mind, and it had not entered my thoughts for years, until I +began to summon these memories. + +At the end of my first six months in East Dennis I was asked to take on, +also, the temporary charge of the Congregational Church at Dennis, two +miles and a half away. I agreed to do this until a permanent pastor +could be found, on condition that I should preach at Dennis on Sunday +afternoons, using the same sermon I preached in my own pulpit in the +morning. The arrangement worked so well that it lasted for six and a +half years--until I resigned from my East Dennis church. During that +period, moreover, I not only carried the two churches on my shoulders, +holding three meetings each Sunday, but I entered upon and completed a +course in the Boston Medical School, winning my M.D. in 1885, and I also +lectured several times a month during the winter seasons. These were, +therefore, among the most strenuous as well as the most interesting +years of my existence, and I mention the strain of them only to prove my +life-long contention, that congenial work, no matter how much there is +of it, has never yet killed any one! + +After my battle with the Free Religious Group things moved much more +smoothly in the parish. Captain Crowell, instead of resenting my +defiance of his ruling, helped to reconcile the divided factions in +the church; and though, as I have said, twice afterward I submitted my +resignation, in each case the fight I was making was for a cause which I +firmly believed in and eventually won. My second resignation was brought +about by the unwillingness of the church to have me exchange pulpits +with the one minister on Cape Cod broad-minded enough to invite me to +preach in his pulpit. I had done so, and had then sent him a return +invitation. He was a gentleman and a scholar, but he was also a +Unitarian; and though my people were willing to let me preach in his +church, they were loath to let him preach in mine. After a surprising +amount of discussion my resignation put a different aspect on the +matter; it also led to the satisfactory ruling that I could exchange +pulpits not only with this minister, but with any other in good standing +in his own church. + +My third resignation went before the trustees in consequence of my +protest from the pulpit against a small drinking and gambling saloon +in East Dennis; which was rapidly demoralizing our boys. Theoretically, +only "soft drinks" were sold, but the gambling was open, and the resort +was constantly filled with boys of all ages. There were influences back +of this place which tried to protect it, and its owner was very popular +in the town. After my first sermon I was waited upon by a committee, +that warmly advised me to "let East Dennis alone" and confine my +criticisms "to saloons in Boston and other big towns." As I had nothing +to do with Boston, and much to do with East Dennis, I preached on that +place three Sundays in succession, and feeling became so intense that I +handed in my resignation and prepared to depart. Then my friends rallied +and the resort was suppressed. + +That was my last big struggle. During the remaining five years of my +pastorate on Cape Cod the relations between my people and myself were +wholly harmonious and beautiful. If I have seemed to dwell too much on +these small victories, it must be remembered that I find in them such +comfort as I can. I have not yet won the great and vital fight of my +life, to which I have given myself, heart and soul, for the past thirty +years--the campaign for woman suffrage. I have seen victories here and +there, and shall see more. But when the ultimate triumph comes--when +American women in every state cast their ballots as naturally as their +husbands do--I may not be in this world to rejoice over it. + +It is interesting to remember that during the strenuous period of the +first few months in East Dennis, and notwithstanding the division in +the congregation, we women of the church got together and repainted and +refurnished the building, raising all the money and doing much of the +work ourselves, as the expense of having it done was prohibitive. We +painted the church, and even cut down and modernized the pulpit. The +total cost of material and furniture was not half so great as the +original estimate had indicated, and we had learned a valuable lesson. +After this we spent very little money for labor, but did our own +cleaning, carpet-laying, and the like; and our little church, if I may +be allowed to say so, was a model of neatness and good taste. + +I have said that at the end of two years from the time of my appointment +the long-continued warfare in the church was ended. I was not +immediately allowed, however, to bask in an atmosphere of harmony, for +in October, 1880, the celebrated contest over my ordination took place +at the Methodist Protestant Conference in Tarrytown, New York; and for +three days I was a storm-center around which a large number of truly +good and wholly sincere men fought the fight of their religious lives. +Many of them strongly believed that women were out of place in the +ministry. I did not blame them for this conviction. But I was in the +ministry, and I was greatly handicapped by the fact that, although I was +a licensed preacher and a graduate of the Boston Theological School, I +could not, until I had been regularly ordained, meet all the functions +of my office. I could perform the marriage service, but I could not +baptize. I could bury the dead, but I could not take members into my +church. That had to be done by the presiding elder or by some other +minister. I could not administer the sacraments. So at the New England +Spring Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church, held in Boston in +1880, I formally applied for ordination. At the same time application +was made by another woman--Miss Anna Oliver--and as a preliminary +step we were both examined by the Conference board, and were formally +reported by that board as fitted for ordination. Our names were +therefore presented at the Conference, over which Bishop Andrews +presided, and he immediately refused to accept them. Miss Oliver and +I were sitting together in the gallery of the church when the bishop +announced his decision, and, while it staggered us, it did not really +surprise us. We had been warned of this gentleman's deep-seated +prejudice against women in the ministry. + +After the services were over Miss Oliver and I called on him and asked +him what we should do. He told us calmly that there was nothing for +us to do but to get out of the Church. We reminded him of our years of +study and probation, and that I had been for two years in charge of two +churches. He set his thin lips and replied that there was no place +for women in the ministry, and, as he then evidently considered the +interview ended, we left him with heavy hearts. While we were walking +slowly away, Miss Oliver confided to me that she did not intend to leave +the Church. Instead, she told me, she would stay in and fight the matter +of her ordination to a finish. I, however, felt differently. I had done +considerable fighting during the past two years, and my heart and soul +were weary. I said: "I shall get out, I am no better and no stronger +than a man, and it is all a man can do to fight the world, the flesh, +and the devil, without fighting his Church as well. I do not intend to +fight my Church. But I am called to preach the gospel; and if I cannot +preach it in my own Church, I will certainly preach it in some other +Church!" + +As if in response to this outburst, a young minister named Mark Trafton +soon called to see me. He had been present at our Conference, he had +seen my Church refuse to ordain me, and he had come to suggest that I +apply for ordination in his Church--the Methodist Protestant. To leave +my Church, even though urged to do so by its appointed spokesman, seemed +a radical step. Before taking this I appealed from the decision of the +Conference to the General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church, +which held its session that year in Cincinnati, Ohio. Miss Oliver +also appealed, and again we were both refused ordination, the General +Conference voting to sustain Bishop Andrews in his decision. Not content +with this achievement, the Conference even took a backward step. It +deprived us of the right to be licensed as local preachers. After this +blow I recalled with gratitude the Reverend Mark Trafton's excellent +advice, and I immediately applied for ordination in the Methodist +Protestant Church. My name was presented at the Conference held in +Tarrytown in October, 1880, and the fight was on. + +During these Conferences it is customary for each candidate to retire +while the discussion of his individual fitness for ordination is in +progress. When my name came up I was asked, as my predecessors had +been, to leave the room for a few moments. I went into an anteroom and +waited--a half-hour, an hour, all afternoon, all evening, and still +the battle raged. I varied the monotony of sitting in the anteroom by +strolls around Tarrytown, and I think I learned to know its every stone +and turn. The next day passed in the same way. At last, late on Saturday +night, it was suddenly announced by my opponents that I was not even +a member of the Church in which I had applied for ordination. The +statement created consternation among my friends. None of us had thought +of that! The bomb, timed to explode at the very end of the session, +threatened to destroy all my hopes. Of course, my opponents had +reasoned, it would be too late for me to do anything, and my name would +be dropped. + +But it was not too late. Dr. Lyman Davis, the pastor of the Methodist +Protestant Church in Tarrytown, was very friendly toward me and my +ordination, and he proved his friendship in a singularly prompt and +efficient fashion. Late as it was, he immediately called together +the trustees of his church, and they responded. To them I made my +application for church membership, which they accepted within five +minutes. I was now a member of the Church, but it was too late to obtain +any further action from the Conference. The next day, Sunday, all the +men who had applied for ordination were ordained, and I was left out. + +On Monday morning, however, when the Conference met in its final +business session, my case was reopened, and I was eventually called +before the members to answer questions. Some of these were extremely +interesting, and several of the episodes that occurred were very +amusing. One old gentleman I can see as I write. He was greatly excited, +and he led the opposition by racing up and down the aisles, quoting +from the Scriptures to prove his case against women ministers. As he +ran about he had a trick of putting his arms under the back of his coat, +making his coat-tails stand out like wings and incidentally revealing +two long white tapestrings belonging to a flannel undergarment. Even +in the painful stress of those hours I observed with interest how +beautifully those tape-strings were ironed! + +I was there to answer any questions that were asked of me, and the +questions came like hailstones in a sudden summer storm. + +"Paul said, 'Wives, obey your husbands,'" shouted my old man of the +coat-tails. "Suppose your husband should refuse to allow you to preach? +What then?" + +"In the first place," I answered, "Paul did not say so, according to +the Scriptures. But even if he did, it would not concern me, for I am a +spinster." + +The old man looked me over. "You might marry some day," he predicted, +cautiously. + +"Possibly," I admitted. "Wiser women than I am have married. But it +is equally possible that I might marry a man who would command me to +preach; and in that case I want to be all ready to obey him." + +At this another man, a bachelor, also began to draw from the Scriptures. +"An elder," he quoted, "shall be the husband of one wife." And he +demanded, triumphantly, "How is it possible for you to be the husband of +a wife?" + +In response to that I quoted a bit myself. "Paul said, 'Anathema unto +him who addeth to or taketh from the Scriptures,'" I reminded this +gentleman; and added that a twisted interpretation of the Scriptures was +as bad as adding to or taking from them, and that no one doubted that +Paul was warning the elders against polygamy. Then I went a bit further, +for by this time the absurd character of the questions was getting on my +nerves. + +"Even if my good brother's interpretation is correct," I said, "he has +overlooked two important points. Though he is an elder, he is also a +bachelor; so I am as much of a husband as he is!" + +A good deal of that sort of thing went on. The most satisfactory episode +of the session, to me, was the downfall of three pert young men who in +turn tried to make it appear that as the duty of the Conference was to +provide churches for all its pastors, I might become a burden to the +Church if it proved impossible to provide a pastorate for me. At that, +one of my friends in the council rose to his feet. + +"I have had official occasion to examine into the matter of Miss Shaw's +parish and salary," he said, "and I know what salaries the last three +speakers are drawing. It may interest the Conference to know that Miss +Shaw's present salary equals the combined salaries of the three young +men who are so afraid she will be a burden to the Church. If, before +being ordained, she can earn three times as much as they now earn after +being ordained, it seems fairly clear that they will never have to +support her. We can only hope that she will never have to support them." + +The three young ministers subsided into their seats with painful +abruptness, and from that time my opponents were more careful in their +remarks. Still, many unpleasant things were said, and too much warmth +was shown by both sides. We gained ground through the day, however, and +at the end of the session the Conference, by a large majority, voted to +ordain me. + +The ordination service was fixed for the following evening, and even the +gentlemen who had most vigorously opposed me were not averse to making +the occasion a profitable one. The contention had already enormously +advertised the Conference, and the members now helped the good work +along by sending forth widespread announcements of the result. They also +decided that, as the attendance at the service would be very large, they +would take up a collection for the support of superannuated ministers. +The three young men who had feared I would become a burden were +especially active in the matter of this collection; and, as they had no +sense of humor, it did not seem incongruous to them to use my ordination +as a means of raising money for men who had already become burdens to +the Church. + +When the great night came (on October 12, 1880), the expected crowd came +also. And to the credit of my opponents I must add that, having lost +their fight, they took their defeat in good part and gracefully assisted +in the services. Sitting in one of the front pews was Mrs. Stiles, the +wife of Dr. Stiles, who was superintendent of the Conference. She was +a dear little old lady of seventy, with a big, maternal heart; and when +she saw me rise to walk up the aisle alone, she immediately rose, too, +came to my side, offered me her arm, and led me to the altar. + +The ordination service was very impressive and beautiful. Its peace +and dignity, following the battle that had raged for days, moved me +so deeply that I was nearly overcome. Indeed, I was on the verge of a +breakdown when I was mercifully saved by the clause in the discipline +calling for the pledge all ministers had to make--that I would not +indulge in the use of tobacco. When this vow fell from my lips a +perceptible ripple ran over the congregation. + +I was homesick for my Cape Cod parish, and I returned to East Dennis +immediately after my ordination, arriving there on Saturday night. +I knew by the suppressed excitement of my friends that some surprise +awaited me, but I did not learn what it was until I entered my dear +little church the following morning. There I found the communion-table +set forth with a beautiful new communion-service. This had been +purchased during my absence, that I might dedicate it that day and for +the first time administer the sacrament to my people. + + + + +VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES + +Looking back now upon those days, I see my Cape Cod friends as clearly +as if the intervening years had been wiped out and we were again +together. Among those I most loved were two widely differing +types--Captain Doane, a retired sea-captain, and Relief Paine, an +invalid chained to her couch, but whose beautiful influence permeated +the community like an atmosphere. Captain Doane was one of the finest +men I have ever known--highminded, tolerant, sympathetic, and full of +understanding, He was not only my friend, but my church barometer. He +occupied a front pew, close to the pulpit; and when I was preaching +without making much appeal he sat looking me straight in the face, +listening courteously, but without interest. When I got into my subject, +he would lean forward--the angle at which he sat indicating the +degree of attention I had aroused--and when I was strongly holding my +congregation Brother Doane would bend toward me, following every word +I uttered with corresponding motions of his lips. When I resigned we +parted with deep regret, but it was not until I visited the church +several years afterward that he overcame his reserve enough to tell me +how much he had felt my going. + +"Oh, did you?" I asked, greatly touched. "You're not saying that merely +to please me?" + +The old man's hand fell on my shoulder. "I miss you," he said, simply. +"I miss you all the time. You see, I love you." Then, with precipitate +selfconsciousness, he closed the door of his New England heart, and from +some remote corner of it sent out his cautious after-thought. "I love +you," he repeated, primly, "as a sister in the Lord." + +Relief Paine lived in Brewster. Her name seemed prophetic, and she once +told me that she had always considered it so. Her brother-in-law was my +Sunday-school superintendent, and her family belonged to my church. Very +soon after my arrival in East Dennis I went to see her, and found +her, as she always was, dressed in white and lying on a tiny white bed +covered with pansies, in a room whose windows overlooked the sea. I +shall never forget the picture she made. Over her shoulders was an +exquisite white lace shawl brought from the other side of the world by +some seafaring friend, and against her white pillow her hair seemed the +blackest I had ever seen. When I entered she turned and looked toward +me with wonderful dark eyes that were quite blind, and as she talked her +hands played with the pansies around her. She loved pansies as she loved +few human beings, and she knew their colors by touching them. She was +then a little more than thirty years of age. At sixteen she had fallen +downstairs in the dark, receiving an injury that paralyzed her, and +for fifteen years she had lain on one side, perfectly still, the Stella +Maris of the Cape. All who came to her, and they were many, went away +the better for the visit, and the mere mention of her name along the +coast softened eyes that had looked too bitterly on life. + +Relief and I became close friends. I was greatly drawn to her, and +deeply moved by the tragedy of her situation, as well as by the +beautiful spirit with which she bore it. During my first visit I regaled +her with stories of the community and of my own experiences, and when I +was leaving it occurred to me that possibly I had been rather frivolous. +So I said: + +"I am coming to see you often, and when I come I want to do whatever +will interest you most. Shall I bring some books and read to you?" + +Relief smiled--the gay, mischievous little smile I was soon to know so +well, but which at first seemed out of place on the tragic mask of her +face. + +"No, don't read to me," she decided. "There are enough ready to do that. +Talk to me. Tell me about our life and our people here, as they strike +you." And she added, slowly: "You are a queer minister. You have not +offered to pray with me!" + +"I feel," I told her, "more like asking you to pray for me." + +Relief continued her analysis. "You have not told me that my affliction +was a visitation from God," she added; "that it was discipline and well +for me I had it." + +"I don't believe it was from God," I said. "I don't believe God had +anything to do with it. And I rejoice that you have not let it wreck +your life." + +She pressed my hand. "Thank you for saying that," she murmured. "If I +thought God did it I could not love Him, and if I did not love Him I +could not live. Please come and see me VERY often--and tell me stories!" + +After that I collected stories for Relief. One of those which most +amused her, I remember, was about my horse, and this encourages me to +repeat it here. In my life in East Dennis I did not occupy the lonely +little parsonage connected with my church, but instead boarded with a +friend--a widow named Crowell. (There seemed only two names in Cape Cod: +Sears and Crowell.) To keep in touch with my two churches, which were +almost three miles apart, it became necessary to have a horse. As Mrs. +Crowell needed one, too, we decided to buy the animal in partnership, +and Miss Crowell, the daughter of the widow, who knew no more about +horses than I did, undertook to lend me the support of her presence and +advice during the purchase. We did not care to have the entire community +take a passionate interest in the matter, as it would certainly have +done if it had heard of our intention; so my friend and I departed +somewhat stealthily for a neighboring town, where, we had heard, a very +good horse was offered for sale. We saw the animal and liked it; but +before closing the bargain we cannily asked the owner if the horse was +perfectly sound, and if it was gentle with women. He assured us that it +was both sound and gentle with women, and to prove the latter point +he had his wife harness it to the buggy and drive it around the +stable-yard. The animal behaved beautifully. After it had gone through +its paces, Miss Crowell and I leaned confidingly against its side, +patting it and praising its beauty, and the horse seemed to enjoy our +attentions. We bought it then and there, drove it home, and put it in +our barn; and the next morning we hired a man in the neighborhood to +come over and take care of it. + +He arrived. Five minutes later a frightful racket broke out in the +barn--sounds of stamping, kicking, and plunging, mingled with loud +shouts. We ran to the scene of the trouble, and found our "hired man" +rushing breathlessly toward the house. When he was able to speak he +informed us that we had "a devil in there," pointing back to the barn, +and that the new horse's legs were in the air, all four of them at once, +the minute he went near her. We insisted that he must have frightened or +hurt her, but, solemnly and with anxious looks behind, he protested that +he had not. Finally Miss Crowell and I went into the barn, and received +a dignified welcome from the new horse, which seemed pleased by our +visit. Together we harnessed her and, without the least difficulty, +drove her out into the yard. As soon as our man took the reins, however, +she reared, kicked, and smashed our brand-new buggy. We changed the man +and had the buggy repaired, but by the end of the week the animal had +smashed the buggy again. Then, with some natural resentment, we made a +second visit to the man from whom we had bought her, and asked him why +he had sold us such a horse. + +He said he had told us the exact truth. The horse WAS sound and she WAS +extremely gentle with women, but--and this point he had seen no reason +to mention, as we had not asked about it--she would not let a man come +near her. He firmly refused to take her back, and we had to make the +best of the bargain. As it was impossible to take care of her ourselves, +I gave some thought to the problem she presented, and finally devised a +plan which worked very well. I hired a neighbor who was a small, slight +man to take care of her, and made him wear his wife's sunbonnet and +waterproof cloak whenever he approached the horse. The picture he +presented in these garments still stands out pleasantly against the +background of my Cape Cod memories. The horse, however, did not share +our appreciation of it. She was suspicious, and for a time she shied +whenever the man and his sunbonnet and cloak appeared; but we stood by +until she grew accustomed to them and him; and as he was both patient +and gentle, she finally allowed him to harness and unharness her. But +no man could drive her, and when I drove to church I was forced to hitch +and unhitch her myself. No one else could do it, though many a gallant +and subsequently resentful man attempted the feat. + +On one occasion a man I greatly disliked, and who I had reason to know +disliked me, insisted that he could unhitch her, and started to do so, +notwithstanding my protests and explanations. At his approach she rose +on her hind-legs, and when he grasped her bridle she lifted him off his +feet. His expression as he hung in mid-air was an extraordinary mixture +of surprise and regret. The moment I touched her, however, she quieted +down, and when I got into the buggy and gathered up the reins she +walked off like a lamb, leaving the man staring after her with his eyes +starting from his head. + +The previous owner had called the horse Daisy, and we never changed the +name, though it always seemed sadly inappropriate. Time proved, however, +that there were advantages in the ownership of Daisy. No man would allow +his wife or daughter to drive behind her, and no one wanted to borrow +her. If she had been a different kind of animal she would have been +used by the whole community, We kept Daisy for seven years, and our +acquaintance ripened into a pleasant friendship. + +Another Cape Cod resident to whose memory I must offer tribute in +these pages was Polly Ann Sears--one of the dearest and best of my +parishioners. She had six sons, and when five had gone to sea she +insisted that the sixth must remain at home. In vain the boy begged +her to let him follow his brothers. She stood firm. The sea, she said, +should not swallow all her boys; she had given it five--she must keep +one. + +As it happened, the son she kept at home was the only one who was +drowned. He was caught in a fish-net and dragged under the waters of +the bay near his home; and when I went to see his mother to offer such +comfort as I could, she showed that she had learned the big lesson of +the experience. + +"I tried to be a special Providence," she moaned, "and the one boy I +kept home was the only boy I lost. I ain't a-goin' to be a Providence no +more." + +The number of funerals on Cape Cod was tragically large. I was in +great demand on these occasions, and went all over the Cape, conducting +funeral services--which seemed to be the one thing people thought I +could do--and preaching funeral sermons. Besides the victims of the sea, +many of the residents who had drifted away were brought back to +sleep their last sleep within sound of the waves. Once I asked an old +sea-captain why so many Cape Cod men and women who had been gone for +years asked to be buried near their old homes, and his reply still +lingers in my memory. He poked his toe in the sand for a moment and then +said, slowly: + +"Wal, I reckon it's because the Cape has such warm, comfortable sand to +lie down in." + +My friend Mrs. Addy lay in the Crowell family lot, and during my +pastorate at East Dennis I preached the funeral sermon of her father, +and later of her mother. Long after I had left Cape Cod I was frequently +called back to say the last words over the coffins of my old friends, +and the saddest of those journeys was the one I made in response to +a telegram from the mother of Relief Paine. When I had arrived and we +stood together beside the exquisite figure that seemed hardly more quiet +in death than in life, Mrs. Paine voiced in her few words the feeling +of the whole community--"Where shall we get our comfort and our +inspiration, now that Relief is gone?" + +The funeral which took all my courage from me, however, was that of +my sister Mary. In its suddenness, Mary's death, in 1883, was as a +thunderbolt from the blue; for she had been in perfect health three days +before she passed away. I was still in charge of my two parishes in +Cape Cod, but, as it mercifully happened, before she was stricken I had +started West to visit Mary in her home at Big Rapids. When I arrived +on the second day of her illness, knowing nothing of it until I reached +her, I found her already past hope. Her disease was pneumonia, but she +was conscious to the end, and her greatest desire seemed to be to see me +christen her little daughter and her husband before she left them. This +could not be realized, for my brotherin-law was absent on business, +and with all his haste in returning did not reach his wife's side until +after her death. As his one thought then was to carry out her last +wishes, I christened him and his little girl just before the funeral; +and during the ceremony we all experienced a deep conviction that Mary +knew and was content. + +She had become a power in her community, and was so dearly loved that +on the day her body was borne to its last resting-place all the business +houses in Big Rapids were closed, and the streets were filled with men +who stood with bent, uncovered heads as the funeral procession went by. +My father and mother, also, to whom she had given a home after they left +the log-cabin where they had lived so long, had made many friends in +their new environment and were affectionately known throughout the whole +region as "Grandma and Grandpa Shaw." + +When I returned to East Dennis I brought my mother and Mary's three +children with me, and they remained throughout the spring and summer. +I had hoped that they would remain permanently, and had rented and +furnished a home for them with that end in view; but, though they +enjoyed their visit, the prospect of the bleak winters of Cape Cod +disturbed my mother, and they all returned to Big Rapids late in the +autumn. Since entering upon my parish work it had been possible for me +to help my father and mother financially; and from the time of Mary's +death I had the privilege, a very precious one, of seeing that they were +well cared for and contented. They were always appreciative, and as time +passed they became more reconciled to the career I had chosen, and which +in former days had filled them with such dire forebodings. + + +After I had been in East Dennis four years I began to feel that I +was getting into a rut. It seemed to me that all I could do in that +particular field had been done. My people wished me to remain, however, +and so, partly as an outlet for my surplus energy, but more especially +because I realized the splendid work women could do as physicians, I +began to study medicine. The trustees gave me permission to go to Boston +on certain days of each week, and we soon found that I could carry on my +work as a medical student without in the least neglecting my duty toward +my parish. + +I entered the Boston Medical School in 1882, and obtained my diploma +as a full-fledged physician in 1885. During this period I also began to +lecture for the Massachusetts Woman Suffrage Association, of which +Lucy Stone was president. Henry Blackwell was associated with her, and +together they developed in me a vital interest in the suffrage cause, +which grew steadily from that time until it became the dominating +influence in my life. I preached it in the pulpit, talked it to those I +met outside of the church, lectured on it whenever I had an opportunity, +and carried it into my medical work in the Boston slums when I was +trying my prentice hand on helpless pauper patients. + +Here again, in my association with the women of the streets, I realized +the limitations of my work in the ministry and in medicine. As minister +to soul and body one could do little for these women. For such as them, +one's efforts must begin at the very foundation of the social structure. +Laws for them must be made and enforced, and some of those laws could +only be made and enforced by women. So many great avenues of life were +opening up before me that my Cape Cod environment seemed almost a prison +where I was held with tender force. I loved my people and they loved +me--but the big outer world was calling, and I could not close my ears +to its summons. The suffrage lectures helped to keep me contented, +however, and I was certainly busy enough to find happiness in my work. + +I was in Boston three nights a week, and during these nights subject +to sick calls at any hour. My favorite associates were Dr. Caroline +Hastings, our professor of anatomy, and little Dr. Mary Safford, a +mite of a woman with an indomitable soul. Dr. Safford was especially +prominent in philanthropic work in Massachusetts, and it was said of her +that at any hour of the day or night she could be found working in the +slums of Boston. I, too, could frequently be found there--often, no +doubt, to the disadvantage of my patients. I was quite famous in three +Boston alleys--Maiden's Lane, Fellows Court, and Andrews Court. It most +fortunately happened that I did not lose a case in those alleys, though +I took all kinds, as I had to treat a certain number of surgical and +obstetrical cases in my course. No doubt my patients and I had many +narrow escapes of which we were blissfully ignorant, but I remember +two which for a long time afterward continued to be features of my most +troubled dreams. + +The first was that of a big Irishman who had pneumonia. When I looked +him over I was as much frightened as he was. I had got as far as +pneumonia in my course, and I realized that here was a bad case of it. +I knew what to do. The patient must be carefully packed in towels wrung +out of cold water. When I called for towels I found that there was +nothing in the place but a dish-towel, which I washed with portentous +gravity. The man owned but one shirt, and, in deference to my visit, +his wife had removed that to wash it. I packed the patient in the +dish-towel, wrapped him in a piece of an old shawl, and left after +instructing his wife to repeat the process. When I reached home I +remembered that the patient must be packed "carefully," and I knew that +his wife would do it carelessly. That meant great risk to the man's +life. My impulse was to rush back to him at once, but this would never +do. It would destroy all confidence in the doctor. I walked the floor +for three hours, and then casually strolled in upon my patient, finding +him, to my great relief, better than I had left him. As I was leaving, a +child rushed into the room, begging me to come to an upper floor in the +same building. + +"The baby's got the croup," she gasped, "an' he's chokin' to death." + +We had not reached croup in our course, and I had no idea what to do, +but I valiantly accompanied the little girl. As we climbed the long +flights of stairs to the top floor I remembered a conversation I had +overheard between two medical students. One of them had said: "If the +child is strangling when it inhales, as if it were breathing through a +sponge, then give it spongia; but if it is strangling when it breathes +out, give it aconite." + +When I reached the baby I listened, but could not tell which way it was +strangling. However, I happened to have both medicines with me, so +I called for two glasses and mixed the two remedies, each in its +own glass. I gave them both to the mother, and told her to use them +alternately, every fifteen minutes, until the baby was better. The baby +got well; but whether its recovery was due to the spongia or to the +aconite I never knew. + +In my senior year I fell in love with an infant of three, named Patsy. +He was one of nine children when I was called to deliver his mother of +her tenth child. She was drunk when I reached her, and so were two men +who lay on the floor in the same room. I had them carried out, and after +the mother and baby had been attended to I noticed Patsy. He was the +most beautiful child I had ever seen--with eyes like Italian skies and +yellow hair in tight curls over his adorable little head; but he was +covered with filthy rags. I borrowed him, took him home with me, and fed +and bathed him, and the next day fitted him out with new clothes. Every +hour I had him tightened his hold on my heart-strings. I went to his +mother and begged her to let me keep him, but she refused, and after a +great deal of argument and entreaty I had to return him to her. When I +went to see him a few days later I found him again in his horrible rags. +His mother had pawned his new clothes for drink, and she was deeply +under its influence. But no pressure I could exert then or later would +make her part with Patsy. Finally, for my own peace of mind, I had +to give up hope of getting him--but I have never ceased to regret the +little adopted son I might have had. + + + + +VII. THE GREAT CAUSE + +There is a theory that every seven years each human being undergoes +a complete physical reconstruction, with corresponding changes in his +mental and spiritual make-up. Possibly it was due to this reconstruction +that, at the end of seven years on Cape Cod, my soul sent forth a sudden +call to arms. I was, it reminded me, taking life too easily; I was +in danger of settling into an agreeable routine. The work of my two +churches made little drain on my superabundant vitality, and not +even the winning of a medical degree and the increasing demands of my +activities on the lecture platform wholly eased my conscience. I was +happy, for I loved my people and they seemed to love me. It would have +been pleasant to go on almost indefinitely, living the life of a country +minister and telling myself that what I could give to my flock made such +a life worth while. + +But all the time, deep in my heart, I realized the needs of the outside +world, and heard its prayer for workers. My theological and medical +courses in Boston, with the experiences that accompanied them, had +greatly widened my horizon. Moreover, at my invitation, many of the +noble women of the day were coming to East Dennis to lecture, bringing +with them the stirring atmosphere of the conflicts they were waging. +One of the first of these was my friend Mary A. Livermore; and after her +came Julia Ward Howe, Anna Garlin Spencer, Lucy Stone, Mary F. Eastman, +and many others, each charged with inspiration for my people and with +a special message for me, which she sent forth unknowingly and which +I alone heard. They were fighting great battles, these women--for +suffrage, for temperance, for social purity--and in every word they +uttered I heard a rallying-cry. So it was that, in 1885, I suddenly +pulled myself up to a radical decision and sent my resignation to the +trustees of the two churches whose pastor I had been since 1878. + +The action caused a demonstration of regret which made it hard to keep +to my resolution and leave these men and women whose friendship was +among the dearest of my possessions. But when we had all talked things +over, many of them saw the situation as I did. No doubt there were +those, too, who felt that a change of ministry would be good for the +churches. During the weeks that followed my resignation I received many +odd tributes, and of these one of the most amusing came from a young +girl in the parish, who broke into loud protests when she heard that I +was going away. To comfort her I predicted that she would now have a man +minister--doubtless a very nice man. But the young person continued to +sniffle disconsolately. + +"I don't want a man," she wailed. "I don't like to see men in pulpits. +They look so awkward." Her grief culminated in a final outburst. +"They're all arms and legs!" she sobbed. + +When my resignation was finally accepted, and the time of my departure +drew near, the men of the community spent much of their leisure in +discussing it and me. The social center of East Dennis was a certain +grocery, to which almost every man in town regularly wended his way, +and from which all the gossip of the town emanated. Here the men sat +for hours, tilted back in their chairs, whittling the rungs until they +nearly cut the chairs from under them, and telling one another all they +knew or had heard about their fellow-townsmen. Then, after each session, +they would return home and repeat the gossip to their wives. I used to +say that I would give a dollar to any woman in East Dennis who could +quote a bit of gossip which did not come from the men at that grocery. +Even my old friend Captain Doane, fine and high-minded citizen though +he was, was not above enjoying the mild diversion of these social +gatherings, and on one occasion at least he furnished the best part of +the entertainment. The departing minister was, it seemed, the topic of +the day's discussion, and, to tease Captain Doane one young man who +knew the strength of his friendship for me suddenly began to speak, then +pursed up his lips and looked eloquently mysterious. As he had expected, +Captain Doane immediately pounced on him. + +"What's the matter with you?" demanded the old man. "Hev you got +anything agin Miss Shaw?" + +The young man sighed and murmured that if he wished he could repeat a +charge never before made against a Cape Cod minister, but--and he shut +his lips more obviously. The other men, who were in the plot, grinned, +and this added the last touch to Captain Doane's indignation. He sprang +to his feet. One of his peculiarities was a constant misuse of words, +and now, in his excitement, he outdid himself. + +"You've made an incineration against Miss Shaw," he shouted. "Do you +hear--AN INCINERATION! Take it back or take a lickin'!" + +The young man decided that the joke had gone far enough, so he answered, +mildly: "Well, it is said that all the women in town are in love with +Miss Shaw. Has that been charged against any other minister here?" + +The men roared with laughter, and Captain Doane sat down, looking +sheepish. + +"All I got to say is this," he muttered: "That gal has been in this +community for seven years, and she 'ain't done a thing during the hull +seven years that any one kin lay a finger on!" + +The men shouted again at this back-handed tribute, and the old fellow +left the grocery in a huff. Later I was told of the "incineration" and +his eloquent defense of me, and I thanked him for it. But I added: + +"I hear you said I haven't done a thing in seven years that any one can +lay a finger on?" + +"I said it," declared the Captain, "and I'll stand by it." + +"Haven't I done any good?" I asked. + +"Sartin you have," he assured me, heartily. "Lots of good." + +"Well," I said, "can't you put your finger on that?" + +The Captain looked startled. "Why--why--Sister Shaw," he stammered, +"you know I didn't mean THAT! What I meant," he repeated, slowly and +solemnly, "was that the hull time you been here you ain't done nothin' +anybody could put a finger on!" + +Captain Doane apparently shared my girl parishioner's prejudice against +men in the pulpit, for long afterward, on one of my visits to Cape Cod, +he admitted that he now went to church very rarely. + +"When I heard you preach," he explained, "I gen'ally followed you +through and I knowed where you was a-comin' out. But these young fellers +that come from the theological school--why, Sister Shaw, the Lord +Himself don't know where they're comin' out!" + +For a moment he pondered. Then he uttered a valedictory which I have +always been glad to recall as his last message, for I never saw him +again. + +"When you fust come to us," he said, "you had a lot of crooked places, +an' we had a lot of crooked places; and we kind of run into each other, +all of us. But before you left, Sister Shaw, why, all the crooked places +was wore off and everything was as smooth as silk." + +"Yes," I agreed, "and that was the time to leave--when everything was +running smoothly." + +All is changed on Cape Cod since those days, thirty years ago. The old +families have died or moved away, and those who replaced them were of a +different type. I am happy in having known and loved the Cape as it was, +and in having gathered there a store of delightful memories. In later +strenuous years it has rested me merely to think of the place, and long +afterward I showed my continued love of it by building a home there, +which I still possess. But I had little time to rest in this or in my +Moylan home, of which I shall write later, for now I was back in Boston, +living my new life, and each crowded hour brought me more to do. + +We were entering upon a deeply significant period. For the first time +women were going into industrial competition with men, and already +men were intensely resenting their presence. Around me I saw women +overworked and underpaid, doing men's work at half men's wages, not +because their work was inferior, but because they were women. Again, +too, I studied the obtrusive problems of the poor and of the women +of the streets; and, looking at the whole social situation from every +angle, I could find but one solution for women--the removal of the +stigma of disfranchisement. As man's equal before the law, woman could +demand her rights, asking favors from no one. With all my heart I joined +in the crusade of the men and women who were fighting for her. My real +work had begun. + +Naturally, at this period, I frequently met the members of Boston's most +inspiring group--the Emersons and John Greenleaf Whittier, James Freeman +Clark, Reverend Minot Savage, Bronson Alcott and his daughter Louisa, +Wendell Phillips, William Lloyd Garrison, Stephen Foster, Theodore Weld, +and the rest. Of them all, my favorite was Whittier. He had been present +at my graduation from the theological school, and now he often attended +our suffrage meetings. He was already an old man, nearing the end of +his life; and I recall him as singularly tall and thin, almost gaunt, +bending forward as he talked, and wearing an expression of great +serenity and benignity. I once told Susan B. Anthony that if I needed +help in a crowd of strangers that included her, I would immediately +turn to her, knowing from her face that, whatever I had done, she would +understand and assist me. I could have offered the same tribute to +Whittier. At our meetings he was like a vesper-bell chiming above a +battle-field. Garrison always became excited during our discussions, and +the others frequently did; but Whittier, in whose big heart the love +of his fellow-man burned as unquenchably as in any heart there, always +preserved his exquisite tranquillity. + +Once, I remember, Stephen Foster insisted on having the word "tyranny" +put into a resolution, stating that women were deprived of suffrage by +the TYRANNY of men. Mr. Garrison objected, and the debate that followed +was the most exciting I have ever heard. The combatants actually had +to adjourn before they could calm down sufficiently to go on with +their meeting. Knowing the stimulating atmosphere to which he had grown +accustomed, I was not surprised to have Theodore Weld explain to me; +long afterward, why he no longer attended suffrage meetings. + +"Oh," he said, "why should I go? There hasn't been any one mobbed in +twenty years!" + +The Ralph Waldo Emersons occasionally attended our meetings, and Mr. +Emerson, at first opposed to woman suffrage, became a convert to it +during the last years of his life--a fact his son and daughter omitted +to mention in his biography. After his death I gave two suffrage +lectures in Concord, and each time Mrs. Emerson paid for the hall. At +these lectures Louisa M. Alcott graced the assembly with her splendid, +wholesome presence, and on both occasions she was surrounded by a group +of boys. She frankly cared much more for boys than for girls, and boys +inevitably gravitated to her whenever she entered a place where they +were. When women were given school suffrage in Massachusetts, Miss +Alcott was the first woman to vote in Concord, and she went to the polls +accompanied by a group of her boys, all ardently "for the Cause." My +general impression of her was that of a fresh breeze blowing over wide +moors. She was as different as possible from exquisite little Mrs. +Emerson, who, in her daintiness and quiet charm, suggested an old New +England garden. + +Of Abby May and Edna Cheney I retain a general impression of +"bagginess"--of loose jackets over loose waistbands, of escaping locks +of hair, of bodies seemingly one size from the neck down. Both women +were utterly indifferent to the details of their appearance, but they +were splendid workers and leading spirits in the New England Woman's +Club. It was said to be the trouble between Abby May and Kate Gannett +Wells, both of whom stood for the presidency of the club, that led to +the beginning of the anti-suffrage movement in Boston. Abby May was +elected president, and all the suffragists voted for her. Subsequently +Kate Gannett Wells began her anti-suffrage campaign. Mrs. Wells was the +first anti-suffragist I ever knew in this country. Before her there had +been Mrs. Dahlgren, wife of Admiral Dahlgren, and Mrs. William Tecumseh +Sherman. On one occasion Elizabeth Cady Stanton challenged Mrs. Dahlgren +to a debate on woman suffrage, and in the light of later events Mrs. +Dahlgren's reply is amusing. She declined the challenge, explaining that +for anti-suffragists to appear upon a public platform would be a +direct violation of the principle for which they stood--which was the +protection of female modesty! Recalling this, and the present hectic +activity of the anti-suffragists, one must feel that they have either +abandoned their principle or widened their views. For Julia Ward Howe I +had an immense admiration; but, though from first to last I saw much of +her, I never felt that I really knew her. She was a woman of the widest +culture, interested in every progressive movement. With all her big +heart she tried to be a democrat, but she was an aristocrat to the very +core of her, and, despite her wonderful work for others, she lived in +a splendid isolation. Once when I called on her I found her resting her +mind by reading Greek, and she laughingly admitted that she was using +a Latin pony, adding that she was growing "rusty." She seemed a little +embarrassed by being caught with the pony, but she must have been +reassured by my cheerful confession that if _I_ tried to read either +Latin or Greek I should need an English pony. + +Of Frances E. Willard, who frequently came to Boston, I saw a great +deal, and we soon became closely associated in our work. Early in our +friendship, and at Miss Willard's suggestion, we made a compact that +once a week each of us would point out to the other her most serious +faults, and thereby help her to remedy them; but we were both too sane +to do anything of the kind, and the project soon died a natural death. +The nearest I ever came to carrying it out was in warning Miss Willard +that she was constantly defying all the laws of personal hygiene. She +never rested, rarely seemed to sleep, and had to be reminded at the +table that she was there for the purpose of eating food. She was always +absorbed in some great interest, and oblivious to anything else, I never +knew a woman who could grip an audience and carry it with her as she +could. She was intensely emotional, and swayed others by their emotions +rather than by logic; yet she was the least conscious of her physical +existence of any one I ever knew, with the exception of Susan B. +Anthony. Like "Aunt Susan," Miss Willard paid no heed to cold or heat or +hunger, to privation or fatigue. In their relations to such trifles both +women were disembodied spirits. + +Another woman doing wonderful work at this time was Mrs. Quincy Shaw, +who had recently started her day nurseries for the care of tenement +children whose mothers labored by the day. These nurseries were new in +Boston, as was the kindergarten system she also established. I saw the +effect of her work in the lives of the people, and it strengthened my +growing conviction that little could be done for the poor in a spiritual +or educational way until they were given a certain amount of physical +comfort, and until more time was devoted to the problem of prevention. +Indeed, the more I studied economic issues, the more strongly I felt +that the position of most philanthropists is that of men who stand at +the bottom of a precipice gathering up and trying to heal those who +fall into it, instead of guarding the top and preventing them from going +over. + +Of course I had to earn my living; but, though I had taken my medical +degree only a few months before leaving Cape Cod, I had no intention +of practising medicine. I had merely wished to add a certain amount +of medical knowledge to my mental equipment. The Massachusetts Woman +Suffrage Association, of which Lucy Stone was president, had frequently +employed me as a lecturer during the last two years of my pastorate. Now +it offered me a salary of one hundred dollars a month as a lecturer and +organizer. Though I may not have seemed so in these reminiscences, in +which I have written as freely of my small victories as of my struggles +and failures, I was a modest young person. The amount seemed too large, +and I told Mrs. Stone as much, after which I humbly fixed my salary at +fifty dollars a month. At the end of a year of work I felt that I had +"made good"; then I asked for and received the one hundred dollars a +month originally offered me. + +During my second year Miss Cora Scott Pond and I organized and carried +through in Boston a great suffrage bazaar, clearing six thousand dollars +for the association--a large amount in those days. Elated by my share in +this success, I asked that my salary should be increased to one hundred +and twenty-five dollars a month--but this was not done. Instead, I +received a valuable lesson. It was freely admitted that my work was +worth one hundred and twenty-five dollars, but I was told that one +hundred was the limit which could be paid, and I was reminded that this +was a good salary for a woman. + +The time seemed to have come to make a practical stand in defense of +my principles, and I did so by resigning and arranging an independent +lecture tour. The first month after my resignation I earned three +hundred dollars. Later I frequently earned more than that, and very +rarely less. Eventually I lectured under the direction of the Slaton +Lecture Bureau of Chicago, and later still for the Redpath Bureau of +Boston. My experience with the Redpath people was especially gratifying. +Mrs. Livermore, who was their only woman lecturer, was growing old and +anxious to resign her work. She saw in me a possible successor, and +asked them to take me on their list. They promptly refused, explaining +that I must "make a reputation" before they could even consider me. A +year later they wrote me, making a very good offer, which I accepted. It +may be worth while to mention here that through my lecture-work at this +period I earned all the money I have ever saved. I lectured night after +night, week after week, month after month, in "Chautauquas" in the +summer, all over the country in the winter, earning a large income and +putting aside at that time the small surplus I still hold in preparation +for the "rainy day" every working-woman inwardly fears. + +I gave the public at least a fair equivalent for what it gave me, for I +put into my lectures all my vitality, and I rarely missed an engagement, +though again and again I risked my life to keep one. My special +subjects, of course, were the two I had most at heart-suffrage and +temperance. For Frances Willard, then President of the Woman's Christian +Temperance Union, had persuaded me to head the Franchise Department of +that organization, succeeding Ziralda Wallace, the mother of Gen. +Lew Wallace; and Miss Susan B. Anthony, who was beginning to study me +closely, soon swung me into active work with her, of which, later, I +shall have much to say. But before taking up a subject as absorbing to +me as my friendship for and association with the most wonderful woman +I have ever known, it may be interesting to record a few of my pioneer +experiences in the lecture-field. + +In those days--thirty years ago--the lecture bureaus were wholly +regardless of the comfort of their lecturers. They arranged a schedule +of engagements with exactly one idea in mind--to get the lecturer from +one lecture-point to the next, utterly regardless of whether she had +time between for rest or food or sleep. So it happened that +all-night journeys in freight-cars, engines, and cabooses were casual +commonplaces, while thirty and forty mile drives across the country in +blizzards and bitter cold were equally inevitable. Usually these things +did not trouble me. They were high adventures which I enjoyed at the +time and afterward loved to recall. But there was an occasional hiatus +in my optimism. + +One night, for example, after lecturing in a town in Ohio, it was +necessary to drive eight miles across country to a tiny railroad station +at which a train, passing about two o'clock in the morning, was to be +flagged for me. When we reached the station it was closed, but my driver +deposited me on the platform and drove away, leaving me alone. The +night was cold and very dark. All day I had been feeling ill and in the +evening had suffered so much pain that I had finished my lecture with +great difficulty. Now toward midnight, in this desolate spot, miles from +any house, I grew alarmingly worse. I am not easily frightened, but that +time I was sure I was going to die. Off in the darkness, very far away, +as it seemed, I saw a faint light, and with infinite effort I dragged +myself toward it. To walk, even to stand, was impossible; I crawled +along the railroad track, collapsing, resting, going on again, whipping +my will power to the task of keeping my brain clear, until after a +nightmare that seemed to last through centuries I lay across the door of +the switch-tower in which the light was burning. The switchman stationed +there heard the cry I was able to utter, and came to my assistance. He +carried me up to his signal-room and laid me on the floor by the stove; +he had nothing to give me except warmth and shelter; but these were now +all I asked. I sank into a comatose condition shot through with pain. +Toward two o'clock in the morning he waked me and told me my train was +coming, asking if I felt able to take it. I decided to make the effort. +He dared not leave his post to help me, but he signaled to the train, +and I began my progress back to the station. I never clearly remembered +how I got there; but I arrived and was helped into a car by a brakeman. +About four o'clock in the morning I had to change again, but this time I +was left at the station of a town, and was there met by a man whose wife +had offered me hospitality. He drove me to their home, and I was cared +for. What I had, it developed, was a severe case of ptomaine poisoning, +and I soon recovered; but even after all these years I do not like to +recall that night. + +To be "snowed in" was a frequent experience. Once, in Minnesota, I was +one of a dozen travelers who were driven in an omnibus from a country +hotel to the nearest railroad station, about two miles away. It was +snowing hard, and the driver left us on the station platform and +departed. Time passed, but the train we were waiting for did not come. +A true Western blizzard, growing wilder every moment, had set in, and we +finally realized that the train was not coming, and that, moreover, it +was now impossible to get back to the hotel. The only thing we could do +was to spend the night in the railroad station. I was the only woman in +the group, and my fellow-passengers were cattlemen who whiled away the +hours by smoking, telling stories, and exchanging pocket flasks. The +station had a telegraph operator who occupied a tiny box by himself, and +he finally invited me to share the privacy of his microscopic quarters. +I entered them very gratefully, and he laid a board on the floor, +covered it with an overcoat made of buffalo-skins, and cheerfully +invited me to go to bed. I went, and slept peacefully until morning. +Then we all returned to the hotel, the men going ahead and shoveling a +path. + +Again, one Sunday, I was snowbound in a train near Faribault, and this +time also I was the only woman among a number of cattlemen. They were an +odoriferous lot, who smoked diligently and played cards without ceasing, +but in deference to my presence they swore only mildly and under their +breath. At last they wearied of their game, and one of them rose and +came to me. + +"I heard you lecture the other night," he said, awkwardly, "and I've bin +tellin' the fellers about it. We'd like to have a lecture now." + +Their card-playing had seemed to me a sinful thing (I was stricter in +my views then than I am to-day), and I was glad to create a diversion. +I agreed to give them a lecture, and they went through the train, which +consisted of two day coaches, and brought in the remaining passengers. A +few of them could sing, and we began with a Moody and Sankey hymn or two +and the appealing ditty, "Where is my wandering boy to-night?" in which +they all joined with special zest. Then I delivered the lecture, and +they listened attentively. When I had finished they seemed to think that +some slight return was in order, so they proceeded to make a bed for me. +They took the bottoms out of two seats, arranged them crosswise, and +one man folded his overcoat into a pillow. Inspired by this, two others +immediately donated their fur overcoats for upper and lower coverings. +When the bed was ready they waved me toward it with a most hospitable +air, and I crept in between the overcoats and slumbered sweetly until I +was aroused the next morning by the welcome music of a snow-plow which +had been sent from St. Paul to our rescue. To drive fifty or sixty miles +in a day to meet a lecture engagement was a frequent experience. I have +been driven across the prairies in June when they were like a mammoth +flower-bed, and in January when they seemed one huge snow-covered +grave--my grave, I thought, at times. Once during a thirty-mile drive, +when the thermometer was twenty degrees below zero, I suddenly +realized that my face was freezing. I opened my satchel, took out the +tissue-paper that protected my best gown, and put the paper over my face +as a veil, tucking it inside of my bonnet. When I reached my destination +the tissue was a perfect mask, frozen stiff, and I had to be lifted +from the sleigh. I was due on the lecture platform in half an hour, so I +drank a huge bowl of boiling ginger tea and appeared on time. That +night I went to bed expecting an attack of pneumonia as a result of the +exposure, but I awoke next morning in superb condition. I possess what +is called "an iron constitution," and in those days I needed it. + +That same winter, in Kansas, I was chased by wolves, and though I had +been more or less intimately associated with wolves in my pioneer life +in the Michigan woods, I found the occasion extremely unpleasant. During +the long winters of my girlhood wolves had frequently slunk around +our log cabin, and at times in the lumber-camps we had even heard them +prowling on the roofs. But those were very different creatures from the +two huge, starving, tireless animals that hour after hour loped behind +the cutter in which I sat with another woman, who, throughout the whole +experience, never lost her head nor her control of our frantic horses. +They were mad with terror, for, try as they would, they could not outrun +the grim things that trailed us, seemingly not trying to gain on us, but +keeping always at the same distance, with a patience that was horrible. +From time to time I turned to look at them, and the picture they made as +they came on and on is one I shall never forget. They were so near that +I could see their eyes and slavering jaws, and they were as noiseless as +things in a dream. At last, little by little, they began to gain on us, +and they were almost within striking distance of the whip, which was our +only weapon, when we reached the welcome outskirts of a town and they +fell back. + +Some of the memories of those days have to do with personal encounters, +brief but poignant. Once when I was giving a series of Chautauqua +lectures, I spoke at the Chautauqua in Pontiac, Illinois. The State +Reformatory for Boys was situated in that town, and, after the lecture +the superintendent of the Reformatory invited me to visit it and say a +few words to the inmates. I went and spoke for half an hour, carrying +away a memory of the place and of the boys which haunted me for +months. A year later, while I was waiting for a train in the station +at Shelbyville, a lad about sixteen years old passed me and hesitated, +looking as if he knew me. I saw that he wanted to speak and dared not, +so I nodded to him. + +"You think you know me, don't you?" I asked, when he came to my side. + +"Yes'm, I do know you," he told me, eagerly. "You are Miss Shaw, and +you talked to us boys at Pontiac last year. I'm out on parole now, but I +'ain't forgot. Us boys enjoyed you the best of any show we ever had!" + +I was touched by this artless compliment, and anxious to know how I had +won it, so I asked, "What did I say that the boys liked?" + +The lad hesitated. Then he said, slowly, "Well, you didn't talk as if +you thought we were all bad." + +"My boy," I told him, "I don't think you are all bad. I know better!" + +As if I had touched a spring in him, the lad dropped into the seat by +my side; then, leaning toward me, he said, impulsively, but almost in a +whisper: + +"Say, Miss Shaw, SOME OF US BOYS SAYS OUR PRAYERS!" + +Rarely have I had a tribute that moved me more than that shy confidence; +and often since then, in hours of discouragement or failure, I have +reminded myself that at least there must have been something in me +once to make a lad of that age so open up his heart. We had a long +and intimate talk, from which grew the abiding interest I feel in boys +today. + +Naturally I was sometimes inconvenienced by slight misunderstandings +between local committees and myself as to the subjects of my lectures, +and the most extreme instance of this occurred in a town where I arrived +to find myself widely advertised as "Mrs. Anna Shaw, who whistled before +Queen Victoria"! Transfixed, I gaped before the billboards, and by +reading their additional lettering discovered the gratifying fact that +at least I was not expected to whistle now. Instead, it appeared, I was +to lecture on "The Missing Link." + +As usual, I had arrived in town only an hour or two before the time +fixed for my lecture; there was the briefest interval in which to clear +up these painful misunderstandings. I repeatedly tried to reach the +chairman who was to preside at the entertainment, but failed. At last +I went to the hall at the hour appointed, and found the local committee +there, graciously waiting to receive me. Without wasting precious +minutes in preliminaries, I asked why they had advertised me as the +woman who had "whistled before Queen Victoria." + +"Why, didn't you whistle before her?" they exclaimed in grieved +surprise. + +"I certainly did not," I explained. "Moreover, I was never called 'The +American Nightingale,' and I have never lectured on 'The Missing Link.' +Where DID you get that subject? It was not on the list I sent you." + +The members of the committee seemed dazed. They withdrew to a corner and +consulted in whispers. Then, with clearing brow, the spokesman returned. + +"Why," he said, cheerfully, "it's simple enough! We mixed you up with a +Shaw lady that whistles; and we've been discussing the missing link in +our debating society, so our citizens want to hear your views." + +"But I don't know anything about the missing link," I protested, "and I +can't speak on it." + +"Now, come," they begged. "Why, you'll have to! We've sold all our +tickets for that lecture. The whole town has turned out to hear it." + +Then, as I maintained a depressed silence, one of them had a bright +idea. + +"I'll tell you how to fix it!" he cried. "Speak on any subject you +please, but bring in something about the missing link every few minutes. +That will satisfy 'em." + +"Very well," I agreed, reluctantly. "Open the meeting with a song. Get +the audience to sing 'America' or 'The Star-spangled Banner.' That will +give me a few minutes to think, and I will see what can be done." + +Led by a very nervous chairman, the big audience began to sing, and +under the inspiration of the music the solution of our problem flashed +into my mind. + +"It is easy," I told myself. "Woman is the missing link in our +government. I'll give them a suffrage speech along that line." + +When the song ended I began my part of the entertainment with a portion +of my lecture on "The Fate of Republics," tracing their growth and +decay, and pointing out that what our republic needed to give it a +stable government was the missing link of woman suffrage. I got along +admirably, for every five minutes I mentioned "the missing link," and +the audience sat content and apparently interested, while the members of +the committee burst into bloom on the platform. + + + + +VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE-FIELD + +My most dramatic experience occurred in a city in Michigan, where I was +making a temperance campaign. It was an important lumber and shipping +center, and it harbored much intemperance. The editor of the leading +newspaper was with the temperance-workers in our fight there, and he had +warned me that the liquor people threatened to "burn the building over +my head" if I attempted to lecture. We were used to similar threats, +so I proceeded with my preparations and held the meeting in the town +skating-rink--a huge, bare, wooden structure. + +Lectures were rare in that city, and rumors of some special excitement +on this occasion had been circulated; every seat in the rink was filled, +and several hundred persons stood in the aisles and at the back of the +building. Just opposite the speaker's platform was a small gallery, and +above that, in the ceiling, was a trap-door. Before I had been speaking +ten minutes I saw a man drop through this trap-door to the balcony and +climb from there to the main floor. As he reached the floor he shouted +"Fire!" and rushed out into the street. The next instant every person +in the rink was up and a panic had started. I was very sure there was +no fire, but I knew that many might be killed in the rush which was +beginning. So I sprang on a chair and shouted to the people with the +full strength of my lungs: + +"There is no fire! It's only a trick! Sit down! Sit down!" + +The cooler persons in the crowd at once began to help in this calming +process. + +"Sit down!" they repeated. "It's all right! There's no fire! Sit down!" + +It looked as if we had the situation in hand, for the people hesitated, +and most of them grew quiet; but just then a few words were hissed up to +me that made my heart stop beating. A member of our local committee was +standing beside my chair, speaking in a terrified whisper: + +"There IS a fire, Miss Shaw," he said. "For God's sake get the people +out--QUICKLY!" + +The shock was so unexpected that my knees almost gave way. The people +were still standing, wavering, looking uncertainly toward us. I raised +my voice again, and if it sounded unnatural my hearers probably thought +it was because I was speaking so loudly. + +"As we are already standing," I cried, "and are all nervous, a little +exercise will do us good. So march out, singing. Keep time to the music! +Later you can come back and take your seats!" + +The man who had whispered the warning jumped into the aisle and struck +up "Jesus, Lover of My Soul." Then he led the march down to the door, +while the big audience swung into line and followed him, joining in the +song. I remained on the chair, beating time and talking to the people +as they went; but when the last of them had left the building I almost +collapsed; for the flames had begun to eat through the wooden walls and +the clang of the fire-engines was heard outside. + +As soon as I was sure every one was safe, however, I experienced the +most intense anger I had yet known. My indignation against the men who +had risked hundreds of lives by setting fire to a crowded building made +me "see red"; it was clear that they must be taught a lesson then and +there. As soon as I was outside the rink I called a meeting, and the +Congregational minister, who was in the crowd, lent us his church +and led the way to it. Most of the audience followed us, and we had a +wonderful meeting, during which we were able at last to make clear to +the people of that town the character of the liquor interests we were +fighting. That episode did the temperance cause more good than a hundred +ordinary meetings. Men who had been indifferent before became our +friends and supporters, and at the following election we carried the +town for prohibition by a big majority. + +There have been other occasions when our opponents have not fought us +fairly. Once, in an Ohio town, a group of politicians, hearing that I +was to lecture on temperance in the court-house on a certain night, +took possession of the building early in the evening, on the pretense of +holding a meeting, and held it against us. When, escorted by a committee +of leading women, I reached the building and tried to enter, we found +that the men had locked us out. Our audience was gathering and filling +the street, and we finally sent a courteous message to the men, assuming +that they had forgotten us and reminding them of our position. The +messenger reported that the men would leave "about eight," but that the +room was "black with smoke and filthy with tobacco-juice." We waited +patiently until eight o'clock, holding little outside meetings in +groups, as our audience waited with us. At eight we again sent our +messenger into the hall, and he brought back word that the men were "not +through, didn't know when they would be through, and had told the women +not to wait." + +Naturally, the waiting townswomen were deeply chagrined by this. So were +many men in the outside crowd. We asked if there was no other entrance +to the hall except through the locked front doors, and were told that +the judge's private room opened into it, and that one of our committee +had the key, as she had planned to use this room as a dressing and +retiring room for the speakers. After some discussion we decided to +storm the hall and take possession. Within five minutes all the women +had formed in line and were crowding up the back stairs and into the +judge's room. There we unlocked the door, again formed in line, and +marched into the hall, singing "Onward, Christian Soldiers!" + +There were hundreds of us, and we marched directly to the platform, +where the astonished men got up to stare at us. More and more women +entered, coming up the back stairs from the street and filling the hall; +and when the men realized what it all meant, and recognized their wives, +sisters, and women friends in the throng, they sheepishly unlocked the +front doors and left us in possession, though we politely urged them to +remain. We had a great meeting that night! + +Another reminiscence may not be out of place. We were working for a +prohibition amendment in the state of Pennsylvania, and the night +before election I reached Coatesville. I had just completed six weeks of +strenuous campaigning, and that day I had already conducted and spoken +at two big outdoor meetings. When I entered the town hall of Coatesville +I found it filled with women. Only a few men were there; the rest were +celebrating and campaigning in the streets. So I arose and said: + +"I would like to ask how many men there are in the audience who intend +to vote for the amendment to-morrow?" + +Every man in the hall stood up. + +"I thought so," I said. "Now I intend to ask your indulgence. As you are +all in favor of the amendment, there is no use in my setting its claims +before you; and, as I am utterly exhausted, I suggest that we sing the +Doxology and go home!" + +The audience saw the common sense of my position, so the people laughed +and sang the Doxology and departed. As we were leaving the hall one of +Coatesville's prominent citizens stopped me. + +"I wish you were a man," he said. "The town was to have a big outdoor +meeting to-night, and the orator has failed us. There are thousands of +men in the streets waiting for the speech, and the saloons are sending +them free drinks to get them drunk and carry the town to-morrow." + +"Why," I said, "I'll talk to them if you wish." + +"Great Scott!" he gasped. "I'd be afraid to let you. Something might +happen!" + +"If anything happens, it will be in a good cause," I reminded him. "Let +us go." + +Down-town we found the streets so packed with men that the cars could +not get through, and with the greatest difficulty we reached the stand +which had been erected for the speaker. It was a gorgeous affair. There +were flaring torches all around it, and a "bull's-eye," taken from the +head of a locomotive, made an especially brilliant patch of light. +The stand had been erected at a point where the city's four principal +streets meet, and as far as I could see there were solid masses of +citizens extending into these streets. A glee-club was doing its best +to help things along, and the music of an organette, an instrument much +used at the time in campaign rallies, swelled the joyful tumult. As +I mounted the platform the crowd was singing "Vote for Betty and the +Baby," and I took that song for my text, speaking of the helplessness +of women and children in the face of intemperance, and telling the crowd +the only hope of the Coatesville women lay in the vote cast by their men +the next day. + +Directly in front of me stood a huge and extraordinarily +repellent-looking negro. A glance at him almost made one shudder, but +before I had finished my first sentence he raised his right arm straight +above him and shouted, in a deep and wonderfully rich bass voice, +"Hallelujah to the Lamb!" From that point on he punctuated my speech +every few moments with good, old-fashioned exclamations of salvation +which helped to inspire the crowd. I spoke for almost an hour. Three +times in my life, and only three times, I have made speeches that have +satisfied me to the degree, that is, of making me feel that at least I +was giving the best that was in me. The speech at Coatesville was one +of those three. At the end of it the good-natured crowd cheered for ten +minutes. The next day Coatesville voted for prohibition, and, rightly or +wrongly, I have always believed that I helped to win that victory. + +Here, by the way, I may add that of the two other speeches which +satisfied me one was made in Chicago, during the World's Fair, in 1893, +and the other in Stockholm, Sweden, in 1912. The International Council +of Women, it will be remembered, met in Chicago during the Fair, and +I was invited to preach the sermon at the Sunday-morning session. The +occasion was a very important one, bringing together at least five +thousand persons, including representative women from almost every +country in Europe, and a large number of women ministers. These made an +impressive group, as they all wore their ministerial robes; and for the +first time I preached in a ministerial robe, ordered especially for +that day. It was made of black crepe de Chine, with great double flowing +sleeves, white silk undersleeves, and a wide white silk underfold down +the front; and I may mention casually that it looked very much better +than I felt, for I was very nervous. My father had come on to Chicago +especially to hear my sermon, and had been invited to sit on the +platform. Even yet he was not wholly reconciled to my public work, but +he was beginning to take a deep interest in it. I greatly desired to +please him and to satisfy Miss Anthony, who was extremely anxious that +on that day of all days I should do my best. + +I gave an unusual amount of time and thought to that sermon, and at last +evolved what I modestly believed to be a good one. I never write out +a sermon in advance, but I did it this time, laboriously, and then +memorized the effort. The night before the sermon was to be delivered +Miss Anthony asked me about it, and when I realized how deeply +interested she was I delivered it to her then and there as a rehearsal. +It was very late, and I knew we would not be interrupted. As she +listened her face grew longer and longer and her lips drooped at the +corners. Her disappointment was so obvious that I had difficulty in +finishing my recitation; but I finally got through it, though rather +weakly toward the end, and waited to hear what she would say, hoping +against hope that she had liked it better than she seemed to. But Susan +B. Anthony was the frankest as well as the kindest of women. Resolutely +she shook her head. + +"It's no good, Anna," she said; firmly. "You'll have to do better. +You've polished and repolished that sermon until there's no life left in +it. It's dead. Besides, I don't care for your text." + +"Then give me a text," I demanded, gloomily. + +"I can't," said Aunt Susan. + +I was tired and bitterly disappointed, and both conditions showed in my +reply. + +"Well," I asked, somberly, "if you can't even supply a text, how do you +suppose I'm going to deliver a brand-new sermon at ten o'clock to-morrow +morning?" + +"Oh," declared Aunt Susan, blithely, "you'll find a text." + +I suggested several, but she did not like them. At last I said, "I have +it--'Let no man take thy crown.'" + +"That's it!" exclaimed Miss Anthony. "Give us a good sermon on that +text." + +She went to her room to sleep the sleep of the just and the untroubled, +but I tossed in my bed the rest of the night, planning the points of +the new sermon. After I had delivered it the next morning I went to my +father to assist him from the platform. He was trembling, and his eyes +were full of tears. He seized my arm and pressed it. + +"Now I am ready to die," was all he said. + +I was so tired that I felt ready to die, too; but his satisfaction and a +glance at Aunt Susan's contented face gave me the tonic I needed. Father +died two years later, and as I was campaigning in California I was not +with him at the end. It was a comfort to remember, however, that in the +twilight of his life he had learned to understand his most difficult +daughter, and to give her credit for earnestness of purpose, at least, +in following the life that had led her away from him. After his death, +and immediately upon my return from California, I visited my mother, +and it was well indeed that I did, for within a few months she followed +father into the other world for which all of her unselfish life had been +a preparation. + +Our last days together were perfect. Her attitude was one of serene +and cheerful expectancy, and I always think of her as sitting among the +primroses and bluebells she loved, which seemed to bloom unceasingly in +the windows of her room. I recall, too, with gratitude, a trifle which +gave her a pleasure out of all proportion to what I had dreamed it +would do. She had expressed a longing for some English heather, "not +the hot-house variety, but the kind that blooms on the hills," and I had +succeeded in getting a bunch for her by writing to an English friend. + +Its possession filled her with joy, and from the time it came until the +day her eyes closed in their last sleep it was rarely beyond reach of +her hand. At her request, when she was buried we laid the heather on her +heart--the heart of a true and loyal woman, who, though her children had +not known it, must have longed without ceasing throughout her New World +life for the Old World of her youth. + +The Scandinavian speech was an even more vital experience than the +Chicago one, for in Stockholm I delivered the first sermon ever preached +by a woman in the State Church of Sweden, and the event was preceded +by an amount of political and journalistic opposition which gave it an +international importance. I had also been invited by the Norwegian +women to preach in the State Church of Norway, but there we experienced +obstacles. By the laws of Norway women are permitted to hold all public +offices except those in the army, navy, and church--a rather remarkable +militant and spiritual combination. As a woman, therefore, I was denied +the use of the church by the Minister of Church Affairs. + +The decision created great excitement and much delving into the law. +It then appeared that if the use of a State Church is desired for a +minister of a foreign country the government can give such permission. +It was thought that I might slip in through this loophole, and +application was made to the government. The reply came that permission +could be received only from the entire Cabinet; and while the Cabinet +gentlemen were feverishly discussing the important issue, the Norwegian +press became active, pointing out that the Minister of Church Affairs +had arrogantly assumed the right of the entire Cabinet in denying +the application. The charge was taken up by the party opposed to the +government party in Parliament, and the Minister of Church Affairs +swiftly turned the whole matter over to his conferees. + +The Cabinet held a session, and by a vote of four to three decided NOT +to allow a woman to preach in the State Church. I am happy to add that +of the three who voted favorably on the question one was the Premier of +Norway. Again the newspapers grasped their opportunity--especially the +organs of the opposition party. My rooms were filled with reporters, +while daily the excitement grew. The question was brought up in +Parliament, and I was invited to attend and hear the discussion there. +By this time every newspaper in Scandinavia was for or against me; and +the result of the whole matter was that, though the State Church of +Norway was not opened to me, a most unusual interest had been aroused in +my sermon in the State Church of Sweden. When I arrived there to keep +my engagement, not only was the wonderful structure packed to its walls, +but the waiting crowds in the street were so large that the police had +difficulty in opening a way for our party. + +I shall never forget my impression of the church itself when I entered +it. It will always stand forth in my memory as one of the most beautiful +churches I have ever visited. On every side were monuments of dead +heroes and statesmen, and the high, vaulted blue dome seemed like the +open sky above our heads. Over us lay a light like a soft twilight, and +the great congregation filled not only all the pews, but the aisles, the +platform, and even the steps of the pulpit. The ushers were young women +from the University of Upsala, wearing white university caps with black +vizors, and sashes in the university colors. The anthem was composed +especially for the occasion by the first woman cathedral organist in +Sweden--the organist of the cathedral in Gothenburg--and she had brought +with her thirty members of her choir, all of them remarkable singers. + +The whole occasion was indescribably impressive, and I realized in +every fiber the necessity of being worthy of it. Also, I experienced +a sensation such as I had never known before, and which I can only +describe as a seeming complete separation of my physical self from my +spiritual self. It was as if my body stood aside and watched my soul +enter that pulpit. There was no uncertainty, no nervousness, though +usually I am very nervous when I begin to speak; and when I had finished +I knew that I had done my best. + +But all this is a long way from the early days I was discussing, when I +was making my first diffident bows to lecture audiences and learning the +lessons of the pioneer in the lecture-field. I was soon to learn more, +for in 1888 Miss Anthony persuaded me to drop my temperance work +and concentrate my energies on the suffrage cause. For a long time I +hesitated. I was very happy in my connection with the Woman's Christian +Temperance Union, and I knew that Miss Willard was depending on me to +continue it. But Miss Anthony's arguments were irrefutable, and she was +herself, as always, irresistible. + +"You can't win two causes at once," she reminded me. "You're merely +scattering your energies. Begin at the beginning. Win suffrage for +women, and the rest will follow." As an added argument, she took me with +her on her Kansas campaign, and after that no further arguments were +needed. From then until her death, eighteen years later, Miss Anthony +and I worked shoulder to shoulder. + +The most interesting lecture episode of our first Kansas campaign was +my debate with Senator John J. Ingalls. Before this, however, on our +arrival at Atchison, Mrs. Ingalls gave a luncheon for Miss Anthony, and +Rachel Foster Avery and I were also invited. Miss Anthony sat at the +right of Senator Ingalls, and I at his left, while Mrs. Ingalls, of +course, adorned the opposite end of her table. Mrs. Avery and I had just +been entertained for several days at the home of a vegetarian friend who +did not know how to cook vegetables, and we were both half starved. When +we were invited to the Ingalls home we had uttered in unison a joyous +cry, "Now we shall have something to eat!" At the luncheon, however, +Senator Ingalls kept Miss Anthony and me talking steadily. He was not in +favor of suffrage for women, but he wished to know all sorts of things +about the Cause, and we were anxious to have him know them. The result +was that I had time for only an occasional mouthful, while down at the +end of the table Mrs. Avery ate and ate, pausing only to send me glances +of heartfelt sympathy. Also, whenever she had an especially toothsome +morsel on the end of her fork she wickedly succeeded in catching my eye +and thus adding the last sybaritic touch to her enjoyment. + +Notwithstanding the wealth of knowledge we had bestowed upon him, or +perhaps because of it, the following night Senator Ingalls made his +famous speech against suffrage, and it fell to my lot to answer him. In +the course of his remarks he asked this question: "Would you like to add +three million illiterate voters to the large body of illiterate voters +we have in America to-day?" The audience applauded light-heartedly, +but I was disturbed by the sophistry of the question. One of Senator +Ingalls's most discussed personal peculiarities was the parting of his +hair in the middle. Cartoonists and newspaper writers always made much +of this, so when I rose to reply I felt justified in mentioning it. + +"Senator Ingalls," I began, "parts his hair in the middle, as we all +know, but he makes up for it by parting his figures on one side. Last +night he gave you the short side of his figures. At the present time +there are in the United States about eighteen million women of voting +age. When the Senator asked whether you wanted three million additional +illiterate women voters, he forgot to ask also if you didn't want +fifteen million additional intelligent women voters! We will grant that +it will take the votes of three million intelligent women to wipe out +the votes of three million illiterate women. But don't forget that that +would still leave us twelve million intelligent votes to the good!" + +The audience applauded as gaily as it had applauded Senator Ingalls when +he spoke on the other side, and I continued: + +"Now women have always been generous to men. So of our twelve million +intelligent voters we will offer four million to offset the votes of the +four million illiterate men in this country--and then we will still have +eight million intelligent votes to add to the other intelligent votes +which are cast." The audience seemed to enjoy this. + +"The anti-suffragists are fairly safe," I ended, "as long as they remain +on the plane of prophecy. But as soon as they tackle mathematics they +get into trouble!" + +Miss Anthony was much pleased by the wide publicity given to this +debate, but Senator Ingalls failed to share her enthusiasm. + +It was shortly after this encounter that I had two traveling experiences +which nearly cost me my life. One of them occurred in Ohio at the time +of a spring freshet. I know of no state that can cover itself with water +as completely as Ohio can, and for no apparent reason. On this occasion +it was breaking its own record. We had driven twenty miles across +country in a buggy which was barely out of the water, and behind horses +that at times were almost forced to swim, and when we got near the town +where I was to lecture, though still on the opposite side of the river +from it, we discovered that the bridge was gone. We had a good view of +the town, situated high and dry on a steep bank; but the river which +rolled between us and that town was a roaring, boiling stream, and the +only possible way to cross it, I found, was to walk over a railroad +trestle, already trembling under the force of the water. + +There were hundreds of men on the river-bank watching the flood, and +when they saw me start out on the empty trestle they set up a cheer that +nearly threw me off. The river was wide and the ties far apart, and +the roar of the stream below was far from reassuring; but in some way I +reached the other side, and was there helped off the trestle by what the +newspapers called "strong and willing hands." + +Another time, in a desperate resolve to meet a lecture engagement, I +walked across the railroad trestle at Elmira, New York, and when I was +halfway over I heard shouts of warning to turn back, as a train was +coming. The trestle was very high at that point, and I realized that if +I turned and faced an oncoming train I would undoubtedly lose my nerve +and fall. So I kept on, as rapidly as I could, accompanied by the +shrieks of those who objected to witnessing a violent death, and I +reached the end of the trestle just as an express-train thundered on the +beginning of it. The next instant a policeman had me by the shoulders +and was shaking me as if I had been a bad child. + +"If you ever do such a thing again," he thundered, "I'll lock you up!" + +As soon as I could speak I assured him fervently that I never would; one +such experience was all I desired. + +Occasionally a flash of humor, conscious or unconscious, lit up the +gloom of a trying situation. Thus, in Parkersburg, West Virginia, the +train I was on ran into a coal-car. I was sitting in a sleeper, leaning +back comfortably with my feet on the seat in front of me, and the force +of the collision lifted me up, turned me completely over, and deposited +me, head first, two seats beyond. On every side I heard cries and +the crash of human bodies against unyielding substances as my +fellow-passengers flew through the air, while high and clear above the +tumult rang the voice of the conductor: + +"Keep your seats!" he yelled. "KEEP YOUR SEATS!" + +Nobody in our car was seriously hurt; but, so great is the power of +vested authority, no one smiled over that order but me. + +Many times my medical experience was useful. Once I was on a train which +ran into a buggy and killed the woman in it. Her little daughter, who +was with her, was badly hurt, and when the train had stopped the crew +lifted the dead woman and the injured child on board, to take them to +the next station. As I was the only doctor among the passengers, the +child was turned over to me. I made up a bed on the seats and put the +little patient there, but no woman in the car was able to assist me. The +tragedy had made them hysterical, and on every side they were weeping +and nerveless. The men were willing but inefficient, with the exception +of one uncouth woodsman whose trousers were tucked into his boots and +whose hands were phenomenally big and awkward. But they were also very +gentle, as I realized when he began to help me. I knew at once that +he was the man I needed, notwithstanding his unkempt hair, his general +ungainliness, the hat he wore on the back of his head, and the pink +carnation in his buttonhole, which, by its very incongruity, added the +final accent to his unprepossessing appearance. Together we worked over +the child, making it as comfortable as we could. It was hardly necessary +to tell my aide what I wanted done; he seemed to know and even to +anticipate my efforts. + +When we reached the next station the dead woman was taken out and laid +on the platform, and a nurse and doctor who had been telegraphed for +were waiting to care for the little girl. She was conscious by this +time, and with the most exquisite gentleness my rustic Bayard lifted her +in his arms to carry her off the train. Quite unnecessarily I motioned +to him not to let her see her dead mother. He was not the sort who +needed that warning; he had already turned her face to his shoulder, +and, with head bent low above her, was safely skirting the spot where +the long, covered figure lay. + +Evidently the station was his destination, too, for he remained there; +but just as the train pulled out he came hurrying to my window, took the +carnation from his buttonhole, and without a word handed it to me. And +after the tragic hour in which I had learned to know him the crushed +flower, from that man, seemed the best fee I had ever received. + + + + +IX. "AUNT SUSAN" + +In The Life of Susan B. Anthony it is mentioned that 1888 was a year of +special recognition of our great leader's work, but that it was also the +year in which many of her closest friends and strongest supporters were +taken from her by death. A. Bronson Alcott was among these, and Louisa +M. Alcott, as well as Dr. Lozier; and special stress is laid on Miss +Anthony's sense of loss in the diminishing circle of her friends--a loss +which new friends and workers came forward, eager to supply. + +"Chief among these," adds the record, "was Anna Shaw, who, from the time +of the International Council in '88, gave her truest allegiance to Miss +Anthony." + +It is true that from that year until Miss Anthony's death in 1906 we two +were rarely separated; and I never read the paragraph I have just +quoted without seeing, as in a vision, the figure of "Aunt Susan" as she +slipped into my hotel room in Chicago late one night after an evening +meeting of the International Council. I had gone to bed--indeed, I was +almost asleep when she came, for the day had been as exhausting as it +was interesting. But notwithstanding the lateness of the hour, "Aunt +Susan," then nearing seventy, was still as fresh and as full of +enthusiasm as a young girl. She had a great deal to say, she declared, +and she proceeded to say it--sitting in a big easy-chair near the bed, +with a rug around her knees, while I propped myself up with pillows and +listened. + +Hours passed and the dawn peered wanly through the windows, but still +Miss Anthony talked of the Cause always of the Cause--and of what we two +must do for it. The previous evening she had been too busy to eat any +dinner, and I greatly doubt whether she had eaten any luncheon at noon. +She had been on her feet for hours at a time, and she had held numerous +discussions with other women she wished to inspire to special effort. +Yet, after it all, here she was laying out our campaigns for years +ahead, foreseeing everything, forgetting nothing, and sweeping me with +her in her flight toward our common goal, until I, who am not easily +carried off my feet, experienced an almost dizzy sense of exhilaration. + +Suddenly she stopped, looked at the gas-jets paling in the morning light +that filled the room, and for a fleeting instant seemed surprised. In +the next she had dismissed from her mind the realization that we had +talked all night. Why should we not talk all night? It was part of our +work. She threw off the enveloping rug and rose. + +"I must dress now," she said, briskly. "I've called a committee meeting +before the morning session." + +On her way to the door nature smote her with a rare reminder, but even +then she did not realize that it was personal. "Perhaps," she remarked, +tentatively, "you ought to have a cup of coffee." + +That was "Aunt Susan." And in the eighteen years which followed I had +daily illustrations of her superiority to purely human weaknesses. To +her the hardships we underwent later, in our Western campaigns for woman +suffrage, were as the airiest trifles. Like a true soldier, she could +snatch a moment of sleep or a mouthful of food where she found it, and +if either was not forthcoming she did not miss it. To me she was an +unceasing inspiration--the torch that illumined my life. We went through +some difficult years together--years when we fought hard for each inch +of headway we gained--but I found full compensation for every effort in +the glory of working with her for the Cause that was first in both our +hearts, and in the happiness of being her friend. Later I shall describe +in more detail the suffrage campaigns and the National and International +councils in which we took part; now it is of her I wish to write--of her +bigness, her many-sidedness, her humor, her courage, her quickness, her +sympathy, her understanding, her force, her supreme common-sense, her +selflessness; in short, of the rare beauty of her nature as I learned to +know it. + +Like most great leaders, she took one's best work for granted, and was +chary with her praise; and even when praise was given it usually came by +indirect routes. I recall with amusement that the highest compliment she +ever paid me in public involved her in a tangle from which, later, only +her quick wit extricated her. We were lecturing in an especially pious +town which I shall call B----, and just before I went on the platform +Miss Anthony remarked, peacefully: + +"These people have always claimed that I am irreligious. They will not +accept the fact that I am a Quaker--or, rather, they seem to think a +Quaker is an infidel. I am glad you are a Methodist, for now they cannot +claim that we are not orthodox." + +She was still enveloped in the comfort of this reflection when she +introduced me to our audience, and to impress my qualifications upon my +hearers she made her introduction in these words: + +"It is a pleasure to introduce Miss Shaw, who is a Methodist minister. +And she is not only orthodox of the orthodox, but she is also my right +bower!" + +There was a gasp from the pious audience, and then a roar of laughter +from irreverent men, in which, I must confess, I light-heartedly joined. +For once in her life Miss Anthony lost her presence of mind; she did not +know how to meet the situation, for she had no idea what had caused the +laughter. It bubbled forth again and again during the evening, and +each time Miss Anthony received the demonstration with the same air of +puzzled surprise. When we had returned to our hotel rooms I explained +the matter to her. I do not remember now where I had acquired my own +sinful knowledge, but that night I faced "Aunt Susan" from the pedestal +of a sophisticated worldling. + +"Don't you know what a right bower is?" I demanded, sternly. + +"Of course I do," insisted "Aunt Susan." "It's a right-hand man--the +kind one can't do without." + +"It is a card," I told her, firmly--"a leading card in a game called +euchre." + +"Aunt Susan" was dazed. "I didn't know it had anything to do with +cards," she mused, mournfully. "What must they think of me?" + +What they thought became quite evident. The newspapers made countless +jokes at our expense, and there were significant smiles on the faces in +the audience that awaited us the next night. When Miss Anthony walked +upon the platform she at once proceeded to clear herself of the tacit +charge against her. + +"When I came to your town," she began, cheerfully, "I had been warned +that you were a very religious lot of people. I wanted to impress upon +you the fact that Miss Shaw and I are religious, too. But I admit that +when I told you she was my right bower I did not know what a right bower +was. I have learned that, since last night." + +She waited until the happy chortles of her hearers had subsided, and +then went on. + +"It interests me very much, however," she concluded, "to realize that +every one of you seemed to know all about a right bower, and that I had +to come to your good, orthodox town to get the information." + +That time the joke was on the audience. Miss Anthony's home was in +Rochester, New York, and it was said by our friends that on the rare +occasions when we were not together, and I was lecturing independently, +"all return roads led through Rochester." I invariably found some excuse +to go there and report to her. Together we must have worn out many +Rochester pavements, for "Aunt Susan's" pet recreation was walking, +and she used to walk me round and round the city squares, far into the +night, and at a pace that made policemen gape at us as we flew by. Some +disrespectful youth once remarked that on these occasions we suggested a +race between a ruler and a rubber ball--for she was very tall and thin, +while I am short and plump. To keep up with her I literally bounded at +her side. + +A certain amount of independent lecturing was necessary for me, for I +had to earn my living. The National American Woman Suffrage +Association has never paid salaries to its officers, so, when I became +vice-president and eventually, in 1904, president of the association, +I continued to work gratuitously for the Cause in these positions. +Even Miss Anthony received not one penny of salary for all her years of +unceasing labor, and she was so poor that she did not have a home of her +own until she was seventy-five. Then it was a very simple one, and +she lived with the utmost economy. I decided that I could earn my bare +expenses by making one brief lecture tour each year, and I made an +arrangement with the Redpath Bureau which left me fully two-thirds of my +time for the suffrage work I loved. + +This was one result of my all-night talk with Miss Anthony in Chicago, +and it enabled me to carry out her plan that I should accompany her in +most of the campaigns in which she sought to arouse the West to the +need of suffrage for women. From that time on we traveled and lectured +together so constantly that each of us developed an almost uncanny +knowledge of the other's mental processes. At any point of either's +lecture the other could pick it up and carry it on--a fortunate +condition, as it sometimes became necessary to do this. Miss Anthony +was subject to contractions of the throat, which for the moment caused +a slight strangulation. On such occasions--of which there were +several--she would turn to me and indicate her helplessness. Then I +would repeat her last sentence, complete her speech, and afterward make +my own. + +The first time this happened we were in Washington, and "Aunt Susan" +stopped in the middle of a word. She could not speak; she merely +motioned to me to continue for her, and left the stage. At the end of +the evening a prominent Washington man who had been in our audience +remarked to me, confidentially: + +"That was a nice little play you and Miss Anthony made to-night--very +effective indeed." + +For an instant I did not catch his meaning, nor the implication in his +knowing smile. + +"Very clever, that strangling bit, and your going on with the speech," +he repeated. "It hit the audience hard." + +"Surely," I protested, "you don't think it was a deliberate thing--that +we planned or rehearsed it." + +He stared at me incredulously. "Are you going to pretend," he demanded, +"that it wasn't a put-up job?" + +I told him he had paid us a high compliment, and that we must really +have done very well if we had conveyed that impression; and I finally +convinced him that we not only had not rehearsed the episode, but that +neither of us had known what the other meant to say. We never wrote out +our speeches, but our subject was always suffrage or some ramification +of suffrage, and, naturally, we had thoroughly digested each other's +views. + +It is said by my friends that I write my speeches on the tips of my +fingers--for I always make my points on my fingers and have my fingers +named for points. When I plan a speech I decide how many points I wish +to make and what those points shall be. My mental preparation follows. +Miss Anthony's method was much the same; but very frequently both of us +threw over all our plans at the last moment and spoke extemporaneously +on some theme suggested by the atmosphere of the gathering or by the +words of another speaker. + +From Miss Anthony, more than from any one else, I learned to keep cool +in the face of interruptions and of the small annoyances and disasters +inevitable in campaigning. Often we were able to help each other out of +embarrassing situations, and one incident of this kind occurred during +our campaign in South Dakota. We were holding a meeting on the hottest +Sunday of the hottest month in the year--August--and hundreds of the +natives had driven twenty, thirty, and even forty miles across the +country to hear us. We were to speak in a sod church, but it was +discovered that the structure would not hold half the people who were +trying to enter it, so we decided that Miss Anthony should speak from +the door, in order that those both inside and outside might hear her. To +elevate her above her audience, she was given an empty dry-goods box to +stand on. + +This makeshift platform was not large, and men, women, and children were +seated on the ground around it, pressing up against it, as close to the +speaker as they could get. Directly in front of Miss Anthony sat a woman +with a child about two years old--a little boy; and this infant, like +every one else in the packed throng, was dripping with perspiration and +suffering acutely under the blazing sun. Every woman present seemed to +have brought children with her, doubtless because she could not leave +them alone at home; and babies were crying and fretting on all sides. +The infant nearest Miss Anthony fretted most strenuously; he was a +sturdy little fellow with a fine pair of lungs, and he made it very +difficult for her to lift her voice above his dismal clamor. Suddenly, +however, he discovered her feet on the drygoods box, about on a level +with his head. They were clad in black stockings and low shoes; they +moved about oddly; they fascinated him. With a yelp of interest he +grabbed for them and began pinching them to see what they were. His +howls ceased; he was happy. + +Miss Anthony was not. But it was a great relief to have the child quiet, +so she bore the infliction of the pinching as long as she could. When +endurance had found its limit she slipped back out of reach, and as his +new plaything receded the boy uttered shrieks of disapproval. There was +only one way to stop his noise; Miss Anthony brought her feet forward +again, and he resumed the pinching of her ankles, while his yelps +subsided to contented murmurs. The performance was repeated half a dozen +times. Each time the ankles retreated the baby yelled. Finally, for once +at the end of her patience, "Aunt Susan" leaned forward and addressed +the mother, whose facial expression throughout had shown a complete +mental detachment from the situation. + +"I think your little boy is hot and thirsty," she said, gently. "If +you would take him out of the crowd and give him a drink of water and +unfasten his clothes, I am sure he would be more comfortable." Before +she had finished speaking the woman had sprung to her feet and was +facing her with fierce indignation. + +"This is the first time I have ever been insulted as a mother," she +cried; "and by an old maid at that!" Then she grasped the infant and +left the scene, amid great confusion. The majority of those in the +audience seemed to sympathize with her. They had not seen the episode of +the feet, and they thought Miss Anthony was complaining of the child's +crying. Their children were crying, too, and they felt that they had +all been criticized. Other women rose and followed the irate mother, and +many men gallantly followed them. It seemed clear that motherhood had +been outraged. + +Miss Anthony was greatly depressed by the episode, and she was not +comforted by a prediction one man made after the meeting. + +"You've lost at least twenty votes by that little affair," he told her. + +"Aunt Susan" sighed. "Well," she said, "if those men knew how my ankles +felt I would have won twenty votes by enduring the torture as long as I +did." + +The next day we had a second meeting. Miss Anthony made her speech early +in the evening, and by the time it was my turn to begin all the children +in the audience--and there were many--were both tired and sleepy. At +least half a dozen of them were crying, and I had to shout to make my +voice heard above their uproar. Miss Anthony remarked afterward that +there seemed to be a contest between me and the infants to see which +of us could make more noise. The audience was plainly getting restless +under the combined effect, and finally a man in the rear rose and added +his voice to the tumult. + +"Say, Miss Shaw," he yelled, "don't you want these children put out?" + +It was our chance to remove the sad impression of yesterday, and I +grasped it. + +"No, indeed," I yelled back. "Nothing inspires me like the voice of a +child!" + +A handsome round of applause from mothers and fathers greeted this noble +declaration, after which the blessed babies and I resumed our joint +vocal efforts. When the speech was finished and we were alone together, +Miss Anthony put her arm around my shoulder and drew me to her side. + +"Well, Anna," she said, gratefully, "you've certainly evened us up on +motherhood this time." + +That South Dakota campaign was one of the most difficult we ever made. +It extended over nine months; and it is impossible to describe the +poverty which prevailed throughout the whole rural community of the +State. There had been three consecutive years of drought. The sand was +like powder, so deep that the wheels of the wagons in which we rode +"across country" sank half-way to the hubs; and in the midst of this dry +powder lay withered tangles that had once been grass. Every one had the +forsaken, desperate look worn by the pioneer who has reached the limit +of his endurance, and the great stretches of prairie roads showed +innumerable canvas-covered wagons, drawn by starved horses, and followed +by starved cows, on their way "Back East." Our talks with the despairing +drivers of these wagons are among my most tragic memories. They had lost +everything except what they had with them, and they were going East to +leave "the woman" with her father and try to find work. Usually, with a +look of disgust at his wife, the man would say: "I wanted to leave two +years ago, but the woman kept saying, 'Hold on a little longer.'" + +Both Miss Anthony and I gloried in the spirit of these pioneer women, +and lost no opportunity to tell them so; for we realized what our nation +owes to the patience and courage of such as they were. We often asked +them what was the hardest thing to bear in their pioneer life, and we +usually received the same reply: + +"To sit in our little adobe or sod houses at night and listen to the +wolves howl over the graves of our babies. For the howl of the wolf is +like the cry of a child from the grave." + +Many days, and in all kinds of weather, we rode forty and fifty miles +in uncovered wagons. Many nights we shared a one-room cabin with all +the members of the family. But the greatest hardship we suffered was the +lack of water. There was very little good water in the state, and the +purest water was so brackish that we could hardly drink it. The more we +drank the thirstier we became, and when the water was made into tea it +tasted worse than when it was clear. A bath was the rarest of luxuries. +The only available fuel was buffalo manure, of which the odor permeated +all our food. But despite these handicaps we were happy in our work, for +we had some great meetings and many wonderful experiences. + +When we reached the Black Hills we had more of this genuine campaigning. +We traveled over the mountains in wagons, behind teams of horses, +visiting the mining-camps; and often the gullies were so deep that when +our horses got into them it was almost impossible to get them out. I +recall with special clearness one ride from Hill City to Custer City. It +was only a matter of thirty miles, but it was thoroughly exhausting; and +after our meeting that same night we had to drive forty miles farther +over the mountains to get the early morning train from Buffalo Gap. +The trail from Custer City to Buffalo Gap was the one the animals had +originally made in their journeys over the pass, and the drive in +that wild region, throughout a cold, piercing October night, was an +unforgetable experience. Our host at Custer City lent Miss Anthony his +big buffalo overcoat, and his wife lent hers to me. They also heated +blocks of wood for our feet, and with these protections we started. A +full moon hung in the sky. The trees were covered with hoar-frost, and +the cold, still air seemed to sparkle in the brilliant light. Again Miss +Anthony talked to me throughout the night--of the work, always of the +work, and of what it would mean to the women who followed us; and again +she fired my soul with the flame that burned so steadily in her own. + +It was daylight when we reached the little station at Buffalo Gap where +we were to take the train. This was not due, however, for half an hour, +and even then it did not come. The station was only large enough to hold +the stove, the ticket-office, and the inevitable cuspidor. There was +barely room in which to walk between these and the wall. Miss Anthony +sat down on the floor. I had a few raisins in my bag, and we divided +them for breakfast. An hour passed, and another, and still the train +did not come. Miss Anthony, her back braced against the wall, buried her +face in her hands and dropped into a peaceful abyss of slumber, while I +walked restlessly up and down the platform. The train arrived four hours +late, and when eventually we had reached our destination we learned +that the ministers of the town had persuaded the women to give up the +suffrage meeting scheduled for that night, as it was Sunday. + +This disappointment, following our all-day and all-night drive to keep +our appointment, aroused Miss Anthony's fighting spirit. She sent me out +to rent the theater for the evening, and to have some hand-bills printed +and distributed, announcing that we would speak. At three o'clock she +made the concession to her seventy years of lying down for an hour's +rest. I was young and vigorous, so I trotted around town to get +somebody to preside, somebody to introduce us, somebody to take up the +collection, and somebody who would provide music--in short, to make all +our preparations for the night meeting. + +When evening came the crowd which had assembled was so great that men +and women sat in the windows and on the stage, and stood in the flies. +Night attractions were rare in that Dakota town, and here was something +new. Nobody went to church, so the churches were forced to close. We had +a glorious meeting. Both Miss Anthony and I were in excellent fighting +trim, and Miss Anthony remarked that the only thing lacking to make me +do my best was a sick headache. The collection we took up paid all +our expenses, the church singers sang for us, the great audience was +interested, and the whole occasion was an inspiring success. + +The meeting ended about half after ten o'clock, and I remember taking +Miss Anthony to our hotel and escorting her to her room. I also remember +that she followed me to the door and made some laughing remark as I left +for my own room; but I recall nothing more until the next morning when +she stood beside me telling me it was time for breakfast. She had found +me lying on the cover of my bed, fully clothed even to my bonnet and +shoes. I had fallen there, utterly exhausted, when I entered my room the +night before, and I do not think I had even moved from that time until +the moment--nine hours later--when I heard her voice and felt her hand +on my shoulder. + +After all our work, we did not win Dakota that year, but Miss Anthony +bore the disappointment with the serenity she always showed. To her a +failure was merely another opportunity, and I mention our experience +here only to show of what she was capable in her gallant seventies. But +I should misrepresent her if I did not show her human and sentimental +side as well. With all her detachment from human needs she had emotional +moments, and of these the most satisfying came when she was listening +to music. She knew nothing whatever about music, but was deeply moved by +it; and I remember vividly one occasion when Nordica sang for her, at an +afternoon reception given by a Chicago friend in "Aunt Susan's" honor. +As it happened, she had never heard Nordica sing until that day; and +before the music began the great artiste and the great leader met, and +in the moment of meeting became friends. When Nordica sang, half an hour +later, she sang directly to Miss Anthony, looking into her eyes; and +"Aunt Susan" listened with her own eyes full of tears. When the last +notes had been sung she went to the singer and put both arms around her. +The music had carried her back to her girlhood and to the sentiment of +sixteen. + +"Oh, Nordica," she sighed, "I could die listening to such singing!" + +Another example of her unquenchable youth has also a Chicago setting. +During the World's Fair a certain clergyman made an especially violent +stand in favor of closing the Fair grounds on Sunday. Miss Anthony took +issue with him. + +"If I had charge of a young man in Chicago at this time," she told the +clergyman, "I would much rather have him locked inside the Fair grounds +on Sunday or any other day than have him going about on the outside." + +The clergyman was horrified. "Would you like to have a son of yours go +to Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show on Sunday?" he demanded. + +"Of course I would," admitted Miss Anthony. "In fact, I think he would +learn more there than from the sermons preached in some churches." + +Later this remark was repeated to Colonel Cody ("Buffalo Bill"), who, +of course, was delighted with it. He at once wrote to Miss Anthony, +thanking her for the breadth of her views, and offering her a box for +his "Show." She had no strong desire to see the performance, but some of +us urged her to accept the invitation and to take us with her. She was +always ready to do anything that would give us pleasure, so she promised +that we should go the next afternoon. Others heard of the jaunt and +begged to go also, and Miss Anthony blithely took every applicant under +her wing, with the result that when we arrived at the box-office the +next day there were twelve of us in the group. When she presented her +note and asked for a box, the local manager looked doubtfully at the +delegation. + +"A box only holds six," he objected, logically. Miss Anthony, who had +given no thought to that slight detail, looked us over and smiled her +seraphic smile. + +"Why, in that case," she said, cheerfully, "you'll have to give us two +boxes, won't you?" + +The amused manager decided that he would, and handed her the tickets; +and she led her band to their places in triumph. When the performance +began Colonel Cody, as was his custom, entered the arena from the far +end of the building, riding his wonderful horse and bathed, of course, +in the effulgence of his faithful spot-light. He rode directly to our +boxes, reined his horse in front of Miss Anthony, rose in his stirrups, +and with his characteristic gesture swept his slouch-hat to his +saddle-bow in salutation. "Aunt Susan" immediately rose, bowed in +her turn and, for the moment as enthusiastic as a girl, waved her +handkerchief at him, while the big audience, catching the spirit of the +scene, wildly applauded. It was a striking picture this meeting of the +pioneer man and woman; and, poor as I am, I would give a hundred dollars +for a snapshot of it. + +On many occasions I saw instances of Miss Anthony's prescience--and +one of these was connected with the death of Frances E. Willard. "Aunt +Susan" had called on Miss Willard, and, coming to me from the sick-room, +had walked the floor, beating her hands together as she talked of the +visit. + +"Frances Willard is dying," she exclaimed, passionately. "She is dying, +and she doesn't know it, and no one around her realizes it. She is lying +there, seeing into two worlds, and making more plans than a thousand +women could carry out in ten years. Her brain is wonderful. She has the +most extraordinary clearness of vision. There should be a stenographer +in that room, and every word she utters should be taken down, for every +word is golden. But they don't understand. They can't realize that she +is going. I told Anna Gordon the truth, but she won't believe it." + +Miss Willard died a few days later, with a suddenness which seemed to be +a terrible shock to those around her. + +Of "Aunt Susan's" really remarkable lack of selfconsciousness we who +worked close to her had a thousand extraordinary examples. Once, I +remember, at the New Orleans Convention, she reached the hall a little +late, and as she entered the great audience already assembled gave her +a tremendous reception. The exercises of the day had not yet begun, and +Miss Anthony stopped short and looked around for an explanation of the +outburst. It never for a moment occurred to her that the tribute was to +her. + +"What has happened, Anna?" she asked at last. + +"You happened, Aunt Susan," I had to explain. + +Again, on the great "College Night" of the Baltimore Convention, +when President M. Carey Thomas of Bryn Mawr College had finished her +wonderful tribute to Miss Anthony, the audience, carried away by the +speech and also by the presence of the venerable leader on the platform, +broke into a whirlwind of applause. In this "Aunt Susan" artlessly +joined, clapping her hands as hard as she could. "This is all for you, +Aunt Susan," I whispered, "so it isn't your time to applaud." + +"Aunt Susan" continued to clap. "Nonsense," she said, briskly. "It's not +for me. It's for the Cause--the Cause!" + +Miss Anthony told me in 1904 that she regarded her reception in Berlin, +during the meeting of the International Council of Women that year, as +the climax of her career. She said it after the unexpected and +wonderful ovation she had received from the German people, and certainly +throughout her inspiring life nothing had happened that moved her more +deeply. + +For some time Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt, of whose splendid work for the +Cause I shall later have more to say, had cherished the plan of forming +an International Suffrage Alliance. She believed the time had come when +the suffragists of the entire world could meet to their common benefit; +and Miss Anthony, always Mrs. Catt's devoted friend and admirer, agreed +with her. A committee was appointed to meet in Berlin in 1904, just +before the meeting of the International Council of Women, and Miss +Anthony was appointed chairman of the committee. At first the plan of +the committee was not welcomed by the International Council; there was +even a suspicion that its purpose was to start a rival organization. +But it met, a constitution was framed, and officers were elected, Mrs. +Catt--the ideal choice for the place--being made president. As a climax +to the organization, a great public mass-meeting had been arranged by +the German suffragists, but at the special plea of the president of the +International Council Miss Anthony remained away from this meeting. It +was represented to her that the interests of the Council might suffer if +she and other of its leading speakers were also leaders in the suffrage +movement. In the interest of harmony, there fore, she followed the +wishes of the Council's president--to my great unhappiness and to that +of other suffragists. + +When the meeting was opened the first words of the presiding officer +were, "Where is Susan B. Anthony?" and the demonstration that followed +the question was the most unexpected and overwhelming incident of the +gathering. The entire audience rose, men jumped on their chairs, and the +cheering continued without a break for ten minutes. Every second of that +time I seemed to see Miss Anthony, alone in her hotel room, longing with +all her big heart to be with us, as we longed to have her. I prayed that +the loss of a tribute which would have meant so much might be made up +to her, and it was. Afterward, when we burst in upon her and told her +of the great demonstration the mere mention of her name had caused, her +lips quivered and her brave old eyes filled with tears. As we looked at +her I think we all realized anew that what the world called stoicism +in Susan B. Anthony throughout the years of her long struggle had been, +instead, the splendid courage of an indomitable soul--while all the time +the woman's heart had longed for affection and recognition. The next +morning the leading Berlin newspaper, in reporting the debate and +describing the spontaneous tribute to Miss Anthony, closed with these +sentences: "The Americans call her 'Aunt Susan.' She is our 'Aunt +Susan,' too!" + +Throughout the remainder of Miss Anthony's visit she was the most +honored figure at the International Council. Every time she entered the +great convention-hall the entire audience rose and remained standing +until she was seated; each mention of her name was punctuated by cheers; +and the enthusiasm when she appeared on the platform to say a few words +was beyond bounds. When the Empress of Germany gave her reception to the +officers of the Council, she crowned the hospitality of her people in a +characteristically gracious way. As soon as Miss Anthony was presented +to her the Empress invited her to be seated, and to remain seated, +although every one else, including the august lady herself, was +standing. A little later, seeing the intrepid warrior of eighty-four +on her feet with the other delegates, the Empress sent one of her aides +across the room with this message: "Please tell my friend Miss Anthony +that I especially wish her to be seated. We must not let her grow +weary." + +In her turn, Miss Anthony was fascinated by the Empress. She could not +keep her eyes off that charming royal lady. Probably the thing that most +impressed her was the ability of her Majesty as a linguist. Receiving +women from every civilized country on the globe, the Empress seemed to +address each in her own tongue-slipping from one language into the next +as easily as from one topic to another. + +"And here I am," mourned "Aunt Susan," "speaking only one language, and +that not very well." + +At this Berlin quinquennial, by the way, I preached the Council sermon, +and the occasion gained a certain interest from the fact that I was the +first ordained woman to preach in a church in Germany. It then took on +a tinge of humor from the additional fact that, according to the +German law, as suddenly revealed to us by the police, no clergyman was +permitted to preach unless clothed in clerical robes in the pulpit. It +happened that I had not taken my clerical robes with me--I am constantly +forgetting those clerical robes!--so the pastor of the church kindly +offered me his robes. + +Now the pastor was six feet tall and broad in proportion, and I, as I +have already confessed, am very short. His robes transformed me into +such an absurd caricature of a preacher that it was quite impossible for +me to wear them. What, then, were we to do? Lacking clerical robes, the +police would not allow me to utter six words. It was finally decided +that the clergyman should meet the letter of the law by entering the +pulpit in his robes and standing by my side while I delivered my sermon. +The law soberly accepted this solution of the problem, and we offered +the congregation the extraordinary tableau of a pulpit combining a large +and impressive pastor standing silently beside a small and inwardly +convulsed woman who had all she could do to deliver her sermon with the +solemnity the occasion required. + +At this same conference I made one of the few friendships I enjoy with +a member of a European royal family, for I met the Princess Blank of +Italy, who overwhelmed me with attention during my visit, and from whom +I still receive charming letters. She invited me to visit her in her +castle in Italy, and to accompany her to her mother's castle in Austria, +and she finally insisted on knowing exactly why I persistently refused +both invitations. + +"Because, my dear Princess," I explained, "I am a working-woman." + +"Nobody need KNOW that," murmured the Princess, calmly. + +"On the contrary," I assured her, "it is the first thing I should +explain." + +"But why?" the Princess wanted to know. + +I studied her in silence for a moment. She was a new and interesting +type to me, and I was glad to exchange viewpoints with her. + +"You are proud of your family, are you not?" I asked. "You are proud of +your great line?" + +The Princess drew herself up. "Assuredly," she said. + +"Very well," I continued. "I am proud, too. What I have done I have done +unaided, and, to be frank with you, I rather approve of it. My work is +my patent of nobility, and I am not willing to associate with those from +whom it would have to be concealed or with those who would look down +upon it." + +The Princess sighed. I was a new type to her, too, as new as she was to +me; but I had the advantage of her, for I could understand her point +of view, whereas she apparently could not follow mine. She was very +gracious to me, however, showing me kindness and friendship in a dozen +ways, giving me an immense amount of her time and taking rather more of +my time than I could spare, but never forgetting for a moment that her +blood was among the oldest in Europe, and that all her traditions were +in keeping with its honorable age. + +After the Berlin meeting Miss Anthony and I were invited to spend a +week-end at the home of Mrs. Jacob Bright, that "Aunt Susan" might renew +her acquaintance with Annie Besant. This visit is among my most vivid +memories. Originally "Aunt Susan" had greatly admired Mrs. Besant, +and had openly lamented the latter's concentration on theosophical +interests--when, as Miss Anthony put it, "there are so many live +problems here in this world." Now she could not conceal her disapproval +of the "other-worldliness" of Mrs. Besant, Mrs. Bright, and her +daughter. Some remarkable and, to me, most amusing discussions took +place among the three; but often, during Mrs. Besant's most sustained +oratorical flights, Miss Anthony's interest would wander, and she would +drop a remark that showed she had not heard a word. She had a great +admiration for Mrs. Besant's intellect; but she disapproved of her +flowing and picturesque white robes, of her bare feet, of her incessant +cigarette-smoking; above all, of her views. At last, one day.{sic} the +climax of the discussions came. + +"Annie," demanded "Aunt Susan," "why don't you make that aura of +yours do its gallivanting in this world, looking up the needs of the +oppressed, and investigating the causes of present wrongs? Then you +could reveal to us workers just what we should do to put things right, +and we could be about it." + +Mrs. Besant sighed and said that life was short and aeons were long, +and that while every one would be perfected some time, it was useless to +deal with individuals here. + +"But, Annie!" exclaimed Miss Anthony, pathetically. "We ARE here! Our +business is here! It's our duty to do what we can here." + +Mrs. Besant seemed not to hear her. She was in a trance, gazing into the +aeons. + +"I'd rather have one year of your ability, backed up with common sense, +for the work of making this world better," cried the exasperated "Aunt +Susan," "than a million aeons in the hereafter!" + +Mrs. Besant sighed again. It was plain that she could not bring herself +back from the other world, so Miss Anthony, perforce, accompanied her to +it. + +"When your aura goes visiting in the other world," she asked, curiously, +"does it ever meet your old friend Charles Bradlaugh?" + +"Oh yes," declared Mrs. Besant. "Frequently." + +"Wasn't he very much surprised," demanded Miss Anthony, with growing +interest, "to discover that he was not dead?" + +Mrs. Besant did not seem to know what emotion Mr. Bradlaugh had +experienced when that revelation came. + +"Well," mused "Aunt Susan," "I should think he would have been +surprised. He was so certain he was going to be dead that it must have +been astounding to discover he wasn't. What was he doing in the other +world?" + +Mrs. Besant heaved a deeper sigh. "I am very much discouraged over Mr. +Bradlaugh," she admitted, wanly. "He is hovering too near this world. +He cannot seem to get away from his mundane interests. He is as much +concerned with parliamentary affairs now as when he was on this plane." + +"Humph!" said Miss Anthony; "that's the most sensible thing I've heard +yet about the other world. It encourages me. I've always felt sure that +if I entered the other life before women were enfranchised nothing in +the glories of heaven would interest me so much as the work for women's +freedom on earth. Now," she ended, "I shall be like Mr. Bradlaugh. I +shall hover round and continue my work here." + +When Mrs. Besant had left the room Mrs. Bright felt that it was her duty +to admonish "Aunt Susan" to be more careful in what she said. + +"You are making too light of her creed," she expostulated. "You do not +realize the important position Mrs. Besant holds. Why, in India, when +she walks from her home to her school all those she meets prostrate +themselves. Even the learned men prostrate themselves and put their +faces on the ground as she goes by." + +"Aunt Susan's" voice, when she replied, took on the tones of one who is +sorely tried. "But why in Heaven's name does any sensible Englishwoman +want a lot of heathen to prostrate themselves as she goes up the +street?" she demanded, wearily. "It's the most foolish thing I ever +heard." + +The effort to win Miss Anthony over to the theosophical doctrine was +abandoned. That night, after we had gone to our rooms, "Aunt Susan" +summed up her conclusions on the interview: + +"It's a good thing for the world," she declared, "that some of us don't +know so much. And it's a better thing for this world that some of us +think a little earthly common sense is more valuable than too much +heavenly knowledge." + + + + +X. THE PASSING OF "AUNT SUSAN" + + +On one occasion Miss Anthony had the doubtful pleasure of reading her +own obituary notices, and her interest in them was characteristically +naive. She had made a speech at Lakeside, Ohio, during which, for the +first time in her long experience, she fainted on the platform. I was +not with her at the time, and in the excitement following her collapse +it was rumored that she had died. Immediately the news was telegraphed +to the Associated Press of New York, and from there flashed over the +country. At Miss Anthony's home in Rochester a reporter rang the bell +and abruptly informed her sister, Miss Mary Anthony, who came to the +door, that "Aunt Susan" was dead. Fortunately Miss Mary had a cool head. + +"I think," she said, "that if my sister had died I would have heard +about it. Please have your editors telegraph to Lakeside." + +The reporter departed, but came back an hour later to say that his +newspaper had sent the telegram and the reply was that Susan B. Anthony +was dead. + +"I have just received a better telegram than that," remarked Mary +Anthony. "Mine is from my sister; she tells me that she fainted +to-night, but soon recovered and will be home to-morrow." + +Nevertheless, the next morning the American newspapers gave much +space to Miss Anthony's obituary notices, and "Aunt Susan" spent some +interesting hours reading them. One that pleased her vastly was printed +in the Wichita Eagle, whose editor, Mr. Murdock, had been almost her +bitterest opponent. He had often exhausted his brilliant vocabulary in +editorial denunciations of suffrage and suffragists, and Miss Anthony +had been the special target of his scorn. But the news of her death +seemed to be a bitter blow to him; and of all the tributes the +American press gave to Susan B. Anthony dead, few equaled in beauty and +appreciation the one penned by Mr. Murdock and published in the Eagle. +He must have been amused when, a few days later, he received a letter +from "Aunt Susan" herself, thanking him warmly for his changed opinion +of her and hoping that it meant the conversion of his soul to our Cause. +It did not, and Mr. Murdock, though never again quite as bitter as he +had been, soon resumed the free editorial expression of his antisuffrage +sentiments. Times have changed, however, and to-day his son, now a +member of Congress, is one of our strongest supporters in that body. + +In 1905 it became plain that Miss Anthony's health was failing. Her +visits to Germany and England the previous year, triumphant though they +had been, had also proved a drain on her vitality; and soon after her +return to America she entered upon a task which helped to exhaust her +remaining strength. She had been deeply interested in securing a fund of +$50,000 to enable women to enter Rochester University, and, one morning, +just after we had held a session of our executive committee in her +Rochester home, she read a newspaper announcement to the effect that +at four o'clock that afternoon the opportunity to admit women to the +university would expire, as the full fifty thousand dollars had not been +raised. The sum of eight thousand dollars was still lacking. + +With characteristic energy, Miss Anthony undertook to save the situation +by raising this amount within the time limit. Rushing to the telephone, +she called a cab and prepared to go forth on her difficult quest; but +first, while she was putting on her hat and coat, she insisted that her +sister, Mary Anthony, should start the fund by contributing one thousand +dollars from her meager savings, and this Miss Mary did. "Aunt Susan" +made every second count that day, and by half after three o'clock +she had secured the necessary pledges. Several of the trustees of the +university, however, had not seemed especially anxious to have the +fund raised, and at the last moment they objected to one pledge for a +thousand dollars, on the ground that the man who had given it was very +old and might die before the time set to pay it; then his family, they +feared, might repudiate the obligation. Without a word Miss Anthony +seized the pledge and wrote her name across it as an indorsement. "I am +good for it," she then said, quietly, "if the gentleman who signed it is +not." + +That afternoon she returned home greatly fatigued. A few hours later the +girl students who had been waiting admission to the university came to +serenade her in recognition of her successful work for them, but she +was too ill to see them. She was passing through the first stage of what +proved to be her final breakdown. + +In 1906, when the date of the annual convention of the National American +Woman Suffrage Association in Baltimore was drawing near, she became +convinced that it would be her last convention. She was right. She +showed a passionate eagerness to make it one of the greatest conventions +ever held in the history of the movement; and we, who loved her and saw +that the flame of her life was burning low, also bent all our energies +to the task of realizing her hopes. In November preceding the convention +she visited me and her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, in our home in +Mount Airy, Philadelphia, and it was clear that her anxiety over the +convention was weighing heavily upon her. She visibly lost strength from +day to day. One morning she said abruptly, "Anna, let's go and call on +President M. Carey Thomas, of Bryn Mawr." + +I wrote a note to Miss Thomas, telling her of Miss Anthony's desire to +see her, and received an immediate reply inviting us to luncheon the +following day. We found Miss Thomas deep in the work connected with her +new college buildings, over which she showed us with much pride. Miss +Anthony, of course, gloried in the splendid results Miss Thomas had +achieved, but she was, for her, strangely silent and preoccupied. At +luncheon she said: + +"Miss Thomas, your buildings are beautiful; your new library is a +marvel; but they are not the cause of our presence here." + +"No," Miss Thomas said; "I know you have something on your mind. I am +waiting for you to tell me what it is." + +"We want your co-operation, and that of Miss Garrett," began Miss +Anthony, promptly, "to make our Baltimore Convention a success. We want +you to persuade the Arundel Club of Baltimore, the most fashionable club +in the city, to give a reception to the delegates; and we want you to +arrange a college night on the programme--a great college night, with +the best college speakers ever brought together." + +These were large commissions for two extremely busy women, but both +Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett--realizing Miss Anthony's intense +earnestness--promised to think over the suggestions and see what they +could do. The next morning we received a telegram from them stating that +Miss Thomas would arrange the college evening, and that Miss Garrett +would reopen her Baltimore home, which she had closed, during the +convention. She also invited Miss Anthony and me to be her guests there, +and added that she would try to arrange the reception by the Arundel +Club. + +"Aunt Susan" was overjoyed. I have never seen her happier than she was +over the receipt of that telegram. She knew that whatever Miss Thomas +and Miss Garrett undertook would be accomplished, and she rightly +regarded the success of the convention as already assured. Her +expectations were more than realized. The college evening was +undoubtedly the most brilliant occasion of its kind ever arranged for a +convention. President Ira Remsen of Johns Hopkins University presided, +and addresses were made by President Mary E. Woolley of Mount Holyoke, +Professor Lucy Salmon of Vassar, Professor Mary Jordan of Smith, +President Thomas herself, and many others. + +From beginning to end the convention was probably the most notable yet +held in our history. Julia Ward Howe and her daughter, Florence Howe +Hall, were also guests of Miss Garrett, who, moreover, entertained all +the speakers of "College Night." Miss Anthony, now eighty-six, arrived +in Baltimore quite ill, and Mrs. Howe, who was ninety, was taken ill +soon after she reached there. The two great women made a dramatic +exchange on the programme, for on the first night, when Miss Anthony was +unable to speak, Mrs. Howe took her place, and on the second night, +when Mrs. Howe had succumbed, Miss Anthony had recovered sufficiently +to appear for her. Clara Barton was also an honored figure at the +convention, and Miss Anthony's joy in the presence of all these old and +dear friends was overflowing. With them, too, were the younger women, +ready to take up and carry on the work the old leaders were laying down; +and "Aunt Susan," as she surveyed them all, felt like a general whose +superb army is passing in review before him. At the close of the college +programme, when the final address had been made by Miss Thomas, Miss +Anthony rose and in a few words expressed her feeling that her life-work +was done, and her consciousness of the near approach of the end. After +that night she was unable to appear, and was indeed so ill that she +was confined to her bed in Miss Garrett's most hospitable home. Nothing +could have been more thoughtful or more beautiful than the care Miss +Garrett and Miss Thomas bestowed on her. They engaged for her one of the +best physicians in Baltimore, who, in turn, consulted with the leading +specialists of Johns Hopkins, and they also secured a trained nurse. +This final attention required special tact, for Miss Anthony's fear of +"giving trouble" was so great that she was not willing to have a nurse. +The nurse, therefore, wore a housemaid's uniform, and "Aunt Susan" +remained wholly unconscious that she was being cared for by one of the +best nurses in the famous hospital. + +Between sessions of the convention I used to sit by "Aunt Susan's" bed +and tell her what was going on. She was triumphant over the immense +success of the convention, but it was clear that she was still worrying +over the details of future work. One day at luncheon Miss Thomas asked +me, casually: + +"By the way, how do you raise the money to carry on your work?" + +When I told her the work was wholly dependent on voluntary contributions +and on the services of those who were willing to give themselves +gratuitously to it, Miss Thomas was greatly surprised. She and Miss +Garrett asked a number of practical questions, and at the end of our +talk they looked at each other. + +"I don't think," said Miss Thomas, "that we have quite done our duty in +this matter." + +The next day they invited a number of us to dinner, to again discuss +the situation; and they admitted that they had sat up throughout the +previous night, talking the matter over and trying to find some way to +help us. They had also discussed the situation with Miss Anthony, to +her vast content, and had finally decided that they would try to raise +a fund of $60,000, to be paid in yearly instalments of $12,000 for five +years--part of these annual instalments to be used as salaries for the +active officers. The mere mention of so large a fund startled us all. +We feared that it could not possibly be raised. But Miss Anthony plainly +believed that now the last great wish of her life had been granted. +She was convinced that Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett could accomplish +anything--even the miracle of raising $60,000 for the suffrage +cause--and they did, though "Aunt Susan" was not here to glory over the +result when they had achieved it. + +On the 15th of February we left Baltimore for Washington, where Miss +Anthony was to celebrate her eighty-sixth birthday. For many years +the National American Woman Suffrage Association had celebrated our +birthdays together, as hers came on the 15th of the month and mine on +the 14th. There had been an especially festive banquet when she was +seventy-four and I was forty-seven, and our friends had decorated the +table with floral "4's" and "7's"--the centerpiece representing "74" +during the first half of the banquet, and "47" the latter half. This +time "Aunt Susan" should not have attempted the Washington celebration, +for she was still ill and exhausted by the strain of the convention. But +notwithstanding her sufferings and the warnings of her physicians, she +insisted on being present; so Miss Garrett sent the trained nurse to +Washington with her, and we all tried to make the journey the least +possible strain on the patient's vitality. + +On our arrival in Washington we went to the Shoreham, where, as always, +the proprietor took pains to give Miss Anthony a room with a view of the +Washington monument, which she greatly admired. When I entered her room +a little later I found her standing at a window, holding herself up with +hands braced against the casement on either side, and so absorbed in the +view that she did not hear my approach. When I spoke to her she answered +without turning her head. + +"That," she said, softly, "is the most beautiful monument in the world." + +I stood by her side, and together we looked at it in silence I realizing +with a sick heart that "Aunt Susan" knew she was seeing it for the last +time. + +The birthday celebration that followed our executive meeting was an +impressive one. It was held in the Church of Our Father, whose pastor, +the Rev. John Van Schaick, had always been exceedingly kind to Miss +Anthony. Many prominent men spoke. President Roosevelt and other +statesmen sent most friendly letters, and William H. Taft had promised +to be present. He did not come, nor did he, then or later, send any +excuse for not coming--an omission that greatly disappointed Miss +Anthony, who had always admired him. I presided at the meeting, and +though we all did our best to make it gay, a strange hush hung over +the assemblage a solemn stillness, such as one feels in the presence +of death. We became more and more conscious that Miss Anthony was +suffering, and we hastened the exercises all we could. When I read +President Roosevelt's long tribute to her, Miss Anthony rose to comment +on it. + +"One word from President Roosevelt in his message to Congress," she +said, a little wearily, "would be worth a thousand eulogies of Susan +B. Anthony. When will men learn that what we ask is not praise, but +justice?" + +At the close of the meeting, realizing how weak she was, I begged her +to let me speak for her. But she again rose, rested her hand on my +shoulder, and, standing by my side, uttered the last words she ever +spoke in public, pleading with women to consecrate themselves to the +Cause, assuring them that no power could prevent its ultimate success, +but reminding them also that the time of its coming would depend wholly +on their work and their loyalty. She ended with three words--very +fitting words from her lips, expressing as they did the spirit of her +life-work--"FAILURE IS IMPOSSIBLE." + +The next morning she was taken to her home in Rochester, and one month +from that day we conducted her funeral services. The nurse who had +accompanied her from Baltimore remained with her until two others had +been secured to take her place, and every care that love or medical +science could suggest was lavished on the patient. But from the first +it was plain that, as she herself had foretold, "Aunt Susan's" soul was +merely waiting for the hour of its passing. + +One of her characteristic traits was a dislike to being seen, even by +those nearest to her, when she was not well. During the first three +weeks of her last illness, therefore, I did what she wished me to do--I +continued our work, trying to do hers as well as my own. But all the +time my heart was in her sick-room, and at last the day came when I +could no longer remain away from her. I had awakened in the morning with +a strong conviction that she needed me, and at the breakfast-table I +announced to her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, the friend who for years has +shared my home, that I was going at once to "Aunt Susan." + +"I shall not even wait to telegraph," I declared. "I am sure she has +sent for me; I shall take the first train." + +The journey brought me very close to death. As we were approaching +Wilkes-Barre our train ran into a wagon loaded with powder and dynamite, +which had been left on the track. The horses attached to it had been +unhitched by their driver, who had spent his time in this effort, when +he saw the train coming, instead of in signaling to the engineer. I was +on my way to the dining-car when the collision occurred, and, with every +one else who happened to be standing, I was hurled to the floor by the +impact; flash after flash of blinding light outside, accompanied by +a terrific roar, added to the panic of the passengers. When the train +stopped we learned how narrow had been our escape from an especially +unpleasant form of death. The dynamite in the wagon was frozen, and +therefore had not exploded; it was the explosion of the powder that had +caused the flashes and the din. The dark-green cars were burned almost +white, and as we stood staring at them, a silent, stunned group, our +conductor said, quietly, "You will never be as near death again, and +escape, as you have been to-day." + +The accident caused a long delay, and it was ten o'clock at night when +I reached Rochester and Miss Anthony's home. As I entered the house Miss +Mary Anthony rose in surprise to greet me. + +"How did you get here so soon?" she cried. And then: "We sent for you +this afternoon. Susan has been asking for you all day." + +When I reached my friend's bedside one glance at her face showed me the +end was near; and from that time until it came, almost a week later, I +remained with her; while again, as always, she talked of the Cause, and +of the life-work she must now lay down. The first thing she spoke of was +her will, which she had made several years before, and in which she +had left the small property she possessed to her sister Mary, her niece +Lucy, and myself, with instructions as to the use we three were to +make of it. Now she told me we were to pay no attention to these +instructions, but to give every dollar of her money to the $60,000 +fund Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett were trying to raise. She was vitally +interested in this fund, as its success meant that for five years the +active officers of the National American Woman Suffrage Association, +including myself as president, would for the first time receive salaries +for our work. When she had given her instructions on this point she +still seemed depressed. + +"I wish I could live on," she said, wistfully. "But I cannot. My spirit +is eager and my heart is as young as it ever was, but my poor old body +is worn out. Before I go I want you to give me a promise: Promise me +that you will keep the presidency of the association as long as you are +well enough to do the work." + +"But how can I promise that?" I asked. "I can keep it only as long as +others wish me to keep it." + +"Promise to make them wish you to keep it," she urged. "Just as I wish +you to keep it." + +I would have promised her anything then. So, though I knew that to hold +the presidency would tie me to a position that brought in no living +income, and though for several years past I had already drawn alarmingly +upon my small financial reserve, I promised her that I would hold the +office as long as the majority of the women in the association wished +me to do so. "But," I added, "if the time comes when I believe that some +one else can do better work in the presidency than I, then let me feel +at liberty to resign it." + +This did not satisfy her. + +"No, no," she objected. "You cannot be the judge of that. Promise me +you will remain until the friends you most trust tell you it is time to +withdraw, or make you understand that it is time. Promise me that." + +I made the promise. She seemed content, and again began to talk of the +future. + +"You will not have an easy path," she warned me. "In some ways it will +be harder for you than it has ever been for me. I was so much older than +the rest of you, and I had been president so long, that you girls have +all been willing to listen to me. It will be different with you. Other +women of your own age have been in the work almost as long as you have +been; you do not stand out from them by age or length of service, as I +did. There will be inevitable jealousies and misunderstandings; there +will be all sorts of criticism and misrepresentation. My last word +to you is this: No matter what is done or is not done, how you are +criticized or misunderstood, or what efforts are made to block your +path, remember that the only fear you need have is the fear of not +standing by the thing you believe to be right. Take your stand and hold +it; then let come what will, and receive blows like a good soldier." + +I was too much overcome to answer her; and after a moment of silence +she, in her turn, made me a promise. + +"I do not know anything about what comes to us after this life ends," +she said. "But if there is a continuance of life beyond it, and if I +have any conscious knowledge of this world and of what you are doing, I +shall not be far away from you; and in times of need I will help you all +I can. Who knows? Perhaps I may be able to do more for the Cause after I +am gone than while I am here." + +Nine years have passed since then, and in each day of them all it seems +to me, in looking back, I have had some occasion to recall her words. +When they were uttered I did not fully comprehend all they meant, or the +clearness of the vision that had suggested them. It seemed to me that +no position I could hold would be of sufficient importance to attract +jealousy or personal attacks. The years have brought more wisdom; I have +learned that any one who assumes leadership, or who, like myself, has +had leadership forced upon her, must expect to bear many things of which +the world knows nothing. But with this knowledge, too, has come the +memory of "Aunt Susan's" last promise, and again and yet again in +hours of discouragement and despair I have been helped by the blessed +conviction that she was keeping it. + +During the last forty-eight hours of her life she was unwilling that I +should leave her side. So day and night I knelt by her bed, holding her +hand and watching the flame of her wonderful spirit grow dim. At times, +even then, it blazed up with startling suddenness. On the last afternoon +of her life, when she had lain quiet for hours, she suddenly began to +utter the names of the women who had worked with her, as if in a final +roll-call. Many of them had preceded her into the next world; others +were still splendidly active in the work she was laying down. But young +or old, living or dead, they all seemed to file past her dying eyes that +day in an endless, shadowy review, and as they went by she spoke to each +of them. + +Not all the names she mentioned were known in suffrage ranks; some of +these women lived only in the heart of Susan B. Anthony, and now, for +the last time, she was thanking them for what they had done. Here was +one who, at a moment of special need, had given her small savings; here +was another who had won valuable recruits to the Cause; this one had +written a strong editorial; that one had made a stirring speech. In +these final hours it seemed that not a single sacrifice or service, +however small, had been forgotten by the dying leader. Last of all, +she spoke to the women who had been on her board and had stood by her +loyally so long--Rachel Foster Avery, Alice Stone Blackwell, Carrie +Chapman Catt, Mrs. Upton, Laura Clay, and others. Then, after lying in +silence for a long time with her cheek on my hand, she murmured: "They +are still passing before me--face after face, hundreds and hundreds of +them, representing all the efforts of fifty years. I know how hard they +have worked I know the sacrifices they have made. But it has all been +worth while!" + +Just before she lapsed into unconsciousness she seemed restless and +anxious to say something, searching my face with her dimming eyes. + +"Do you want me to repeat my promise?" I asked, for she had already made +me do so several times. She made a sign of assent, and I gave her the +assurance she desired. As I did so she raised my hand to her lips and +kissed it--her last conscious action. For more than thirty hours after +that I knelt by her side, but though she clung to my hand until her own +hand grew cold, she did not speak again. + +She had told me over and over how much our long friendship and +association had meant to her, and the comfort I had given her. But +whatever I may have been to her, it was as nothing compared with what +she was to me. Kneeling close to her as she passed away, I knew that +I would have given her a dozen lives had I had them, and endured +a thousand times more hardship than we had borne together, for the +inspiration of her companionship and the joy of her affection. They were +the greatest blessings I have had in all my life, and I cherish as my +dearest treasure the volume of her History of Woman Suffrage on the +fly-leaf of which she had written this inscription: + + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW: + +This huge volume IV I present to you with the love that a mother +beareth, and I hope you will find in it the facts about women, for you +will find them nowhere else. Your part will be to see that the four +volumes are duly placed in the libraries of the country, where every +student of history may have access to them. + +With unbounded love and faith, + +SUSAN B. ANTHONY. + + +That final line is still my greatest comfort. When I am misrepresented +or misunderstood, when I am accused of personal ambition or of working +for personal ends, I turn to it and to similar lines penned by the same +hand, and tell myself that I should not allow anything to interfere with +the serenity of my spirit or to disturb me in my work. At the end of +eighteen years of the most intimate companionship, the leader of +our Cause, the greatest woman I have ever known, still felt for me +"unbounded love and faith." Having had that, I have had enough. + +For two days after "Aunt Susan's" death she lay in her own home, as if +in restful slumber, her face wearing its most exquisite look of peaceful +serenity; and here her special friends, the poor and the unfortunate of +the city, came by hundreds to pay their last respects. On the third +day there was a public funeral, held in the Congregational church, +and, though a wild blizzard was raging, every one in Rochester seemed +included in the great throng of mourners who came to her bier in +reverence and left it in tears. The church services were conducted +by the pastor, the Rev. C. C. Albertson, a lifelong friend of Miss +Anthony's, assisted by the Rev. William C. Gannett. James G. Potter, +the Mayor of the city, and Dr. Rush Rhees, president of Rochester +University, occupied prominent places among the distinguished mourners, +and Mrs. Jerome Jeffries, the head of a colored school, spoke in behalf +of the negro race and its recognition of Miss Anthony's services. +College clubs, medical societies, and reform groups were represented by +delegates sent from different states, and Miss Anna Gordon had come on +from Illinois to represent the Woman's National Christian Temperance +Union. Mrs. Catt delivered a eulogy in which she expressed the love +and recognition of the organized suffrage women of the world for Miss +Anthony, as the one to whom they had all looked as their leader. William +Lloyd Garrison spoke of Miss Anthony's work with his father and other +antislavery leaders, and Mrs. Jean Brooks Greenleaf spoke in behalf +of the New York State Suffrage Association. Then, as "Aunt Susan" had +requested, I made the closing address. She had asked me to do this and +to pronounce the benediction, as well as to say the final words at her +grave. + +It was estimated that more than ten thousand persons were assembled +in and around the church, and after the benediction those who had been +patiently waiting out in the storm were permitted to pass inside in +single file for a last look at their friend. They found the coffin +covered by a large American flag, on which lay a wreath of laurel and +palms; around it stood a guard of honor composed of girl students of +Rochester University in their college caps and gowns. All day students +had mounted guard, relieving one another at intervals. On every side +there were flowers and floral emblems sent by various organizations, and +just over "Aunt Susan's" head floated the silk flag given to her by the +women of Colorado. It contained four gold stars, representing the four +enfranchised states, while the other stars were in silver. On her breast +was pinned the jeweled flag given to her on her eightieth birthday +by the women of Wyoming--the first place in the world where in the +constitution of the state women were given equal political rights with +men. Here the four stars representing the enfranchised states were +made of diamonds, the others of silver enamel. Just before the lid was +fastened on the coffin this flag was removed and handed to Mary Anthony, +who presented it to me. From that day I have worn it on every occasion +of importance to our Cause, and each time a state is won for woman +suffrage I have added a new diamond star. At the time I write this--in +1914--there are twelve. + +As the funeral procession went through the streets of Rochester it was +seen that all the city flags were at half-mast, by order of the City +Council. Many houses were draped in black, and the grief of the citizens +manifested itself on every side. All the way to Mount Hope Cemetery +the snow whirled blindingly around us, while the masses that had fallen +covered the earth as far as we could see a fitting winding-sheet for +the one who had gone. Under the fir-trees around her open grave I obeyed +"Aunt Susan's" wish that I should utter the last words spoken over her +body as she was laid to rest: + +"Dear friend," I said, "thou hast tarried with us long. Now thou hast +gone to thy well-earned rest. We beseech the Infinite Spirit Who has +upheld thee to make us worthy to follow in thy steps and to carry on thy +work. Hail and farewell." + + + + +XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +In my chapters on Miss Anthony I bridged the twenty years between 1886 +and 1906, omitting many of the stirring suffrage events of that +long period, in my desire to concentrate on those which most vitally +concerned her. I must now retrace my steps along the widening suffrage +stream and describe, consecutively at least, and as fully as these +incomplete reminiscences will permit, other incidents that occurred on +its banks. + +Of these the most important was the union in 1889 of the two great +suffrage societies--the American Association, of which Lucy Stone was +the president, and the National Association, headed by Susan B. Anthony +and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. At a convention held in Washington +these societies were merged as The National American Woman Suffrage +Association--the name our association still bears--and Mrs. Stanton was +elected president. She was then nearly eighty and past active work, but +she made a wonderful presiding officer at our subsequent meetings, and +she was as picturesque as she was efficient. + +Miss Anthony, who had an immense admiration for her and a great personal +pride in her, always escorted her to the capital, and, having worked +her utmost to make the meeting a success, invariably gave Mrs. Stanton +credit for all that was accomplished. She often said that Mrs. Stanton +was the brains of the new association, while she herself was merely its +hands and feet; but in truth the two women worked marvelously together, +for Mrs. Stanton was a master of words and could write and speak to +perfection of the things Susan B. Anthony saw and felt but could not +herself express. Usually Miss Anthony went to Mrs. Stanton's house and +took charge of it while she stimulated the venerable president to the +writing of her annual address. Then, at the subsequent convention, she +would listen to the report with as much delight and pleasure as if each +word of it had been new to her. Even after Mrs. Stanton's resignation +from the presidency--at the end, I think, of three years--and Miss +Anthony's election as her successor, "Aunt Susan" still went to her +old friend whenever an important resolution was to be written, and Mrs. +Stanton loyally drafted it for her. + +Mrs. Stanton was the most brilliant conversationalist I have ever known; +and the best talk I have heard anywhere was that to which I used to +listen in the home of Mrs. Eliza Wright Osborne, in Auburn, New York, +when Mrs. Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Emily Howland, Elizabeth Smith +Miller, Ida Husted Harper, Miss Mills, and I were gathered there for +our occasional week-end visits. Mrs. Osborne inherited her suffrage +sympathies, for she was the daughter of Martha Wright, who, with Mrs. +Stanton and Lucretia Mott, called the first suffrage convention in +Seneca Falls, New York. I must add in passing that her son, Thomas Mott +Osborne, who is doing such admirable work in prison reform at Sing Sing, +has shown himself worthy of the gifted and high-minded mother who gave +him to the world. + +Most of the conversation in Mrs. Osborne's home was contributed by Mrs. +Stanton and Miss Anthony, while the rest of us sat, as it were, at their +feet. Many human and feminine touches brightened the lofty discussions +that were constantly going on, and the varied characteristics of our +leaders cropped up in amusing fashion. Mrs. Stanton, for example, was +rarely accurate in giving figures or dates, while Miss Anthony was +always very exact in such matters. She frequently corrected Mrs. +Stanton's statements, and Mrs. Stanton usually took the interruption +in the best possible spirit, promptly admitting that "Aunt Susan" knew +best. On one occasion I recall, however, she held fast to her opinion +that she was right as to the month in which a certain incident had +occurred. + +"No, Susan," she insisted, "you're wrong for once. I remember perfectly +when that happened, for it was at the time I was beginning to wean +Harriet." + +Aunt Susan, though somewhat staggered by the force of this testimony, +still maintained that Mrs. Stanton must be mistaken, whereupon the +latter repeated, in exasperation, "I tell you it happened when I was +weaning Harriet." And she added, scornfully, "What event have you got to +reckon from?" + +Miss Anthony meekly subsided. + +Mrs. Stanton had wonderful blue eyes, which held to the end of her life +an expression of eternal youth. During our conventions she usually took +a little nap in the afternoon, and when she awoke her blue eyes always +had an expression of pleased and innocent surprise, as if she were +gazing on the world for the first time--the round, unwinking, interested +look a baby's eyes have when something attractive is held up before +them. + +Let me give in a paragraph, before I swing off into the bypaths that +always allure me, the consecutive suffrage events of the past quarter +of a century. Having done this, I can dwell on each as casually as I +choose, for it is possible to describe only a few incidents here and +there; and I shall not be departing from the story of my life, for my +life had become merged in the suffrage cause. + +Of the preliminary suffrage campaigns in Kansas, made in company with +"Aunt Susan," I have already written, and it remains only to say that +during the second Kansas campaign yellow was adopted as the suffrage +color. In 1890, '92, and '93 we again worked in Kansas and in South +Dakota, with such indefatigable and brilliant speakers as Mrs. Catt (to +whose efforts also were largely due the winning of Colorado in '93), +Mrs. Laura Johns of Kansas, Mrs. Julia Nelson, Henry B. Blackwell, Dr. +Helen V. Putnam of Dakota, Mrs. Emma Smith DeVoe, Rev. Olympia Browne of +Wisconsin, and Dr. Mary Seymour Howell of New York. In '94, '95, and '96 +special efforts were devoted to Idaho, Utah, California, and Washington, +and from then on our campaigns were waged steadily in the Western +states. + +The Colorado victory gave us two full suffrage states, for in 1869 +the Territory of Wyoming had enfranchised women under very interesting +conditions, not now generally remembered. The achievement was due to +the influence of one woman, Esther Morris, a pioneer who was as good a +neighbor as she was a suffragist. In those early days, in homes far from +physicians and surgeons, the women cared for one another in sickness, +and Esther Morris, as it happened, once took full and skilful charge +of a neighbor during the difficult birth of the latter's child. She had +done the same thing for many other women, but this woman's husband was +especially grateful. He was also a member of the Legislature, and he +told Mrs. Morris that if there was any measure she wished put through +for the women of the territory he would be glad to introduce it. She +immediately took him at his word by asking him to introduce a bill +enfranchising women, and he promptly did so. + +The Legislature was Democratic, and it pounced upon the measure as a +huge joke. With the amiable purpose of embarrassing the Governor of the +territory, who was a Republican and had been appointed by the President, +the members passed the bill and put it up to him to veto. To their +combined horror and amazement, the young Governor did nothing of the +kind. He had come, as it happened, from Salem, Ohio, one of the first +towns in the United States in which a suffrage convention was held. +There, as a boy, he had heard Susan B. Anthony make a speech, and he had +carried into the years the impression it made upon him. He signed that +bill; and, as the Legislature could not get a two-thirds vote to kill it, +the disgusted members had to make the best of the matter. The following +year a Democrat introduced a bill to repeal the measure, but already +public sentiment had changed and he was laughed down. After that no +further effort was ever made to take the ballot away from the women of +Wyoming. + +When the territory applied for statehood, it was feared that the +woman-suffrage clause in the constitution might injure its chance of +admission, and the women sent this telegram to Joseph M. Carey: + +"Drop us if you must. We can trust the men of Wyoming to enfranchise us +after our territory becomes a state." + +Mr. Carey discussed this telegram with the other men who were urging +upon Congress the admission of their territory, and the following reply +went back: + +"We may stay out of the Union a hundred years, but we will come in with +our women." + +There is great inspiration in those two messages--and a great lesson, as +well. + +In 1894 we conducted a campaign in New York, when an effort was made to +secure a clause to enfranchise women in the new state constitution; and +for the first time in the history of the woman-suffrage movement many of +the influential women in the state and city of New York took an active +part in the work. Miss Anthony was, as always, our leader and greatest +inspiration. Mrs. John Brooks Greenleaf was state president, and Miss +Mary Anthony was the most active worker in the Rochester headquarters. +Mrs. Lily Devereaux Blake had charge of the campaign in New York City, +and Mrs. Marianna Chapman looked after the Brooklyn section, while a +most stimulating sign of the times was the organization of a committee +of New York women of wealth and social influence, who established their +headquarters at Sherry's. Among these were Mrs. Josephine Shaw Lowell, +Mrs. Joseph H. Choate, Dr. Mary Putnam Jacobi, Mrs. J. Warren Goddard, +and Mrs. Robert Abbe. Miss Anthony, then in her seventy-fifth year, +spoke in every county of the state sixty in all. I spoke in forty, and +Mrs. Catt, as always, made a superb record. Miss Harriet May Mills, a +graduate of Cornell, and Miss Mary G. Hay, did admirable organization +work in the different counties. Our disappointment over the result was +greatly soothed by the fact that only two years later both Idaho and +Utah swung into line as full suffrage states, though California, in +which we had labored with equal zeal, waited fifteen years longer. + +Among these campaigns, and overlapping them, were our annual +conventions--each of which I attended from 1888 on--and the national +and international councils, to a number of which, also, I have given +preliminary mention. When Susan B. Anthony died in 1906, four American +states had granted suffrage to woman. At the time I write--1914--the +result of the American women's work for suffrage may be briefly +tabulated thus: + + SUFFRAGE STATUS + + FULL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + + Number of + State Year Won Electoral Votes + Wyoming 1869 3 + Colorado 1893 6 + Idaho 1896 4 + Utah 1896 4 + Washington 1910 7 + California 1911 13 + Arizona 1912 3 + Kansas 1912 10 + Oregon 1912 5 + Alaska 1913 -- + Nevada 1914 3 + Montana 1914 4 + + + PRESIDENTIAL AND MUNICIPAL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + Number of + State Year Won Electoral Votes + + Illinois 1913 29 + + + STATES WHERE AMENDMENT HAS PASSED ONE LEGISLATURE AND + MUST PASS ANOTHER + + Number Goes to + State House Senate Voters Electoral Votes + Iowa 81-26 31-15 1916 13 + Massachusetts 169-39 34-2 1915 18 + New Jersey 49-4 15-3 1915 14 + New York 125-5 40-2 1915 45 + North Dakota 77-29 31-19 1916 5 + Pennsylvania 131-70 26-22 1915 38 + + + + To tabulate the wonderful work done by the + conventions and councils is not possible, but a con + secutive list of the meetings would run like this: + + + First National Convention, Washington, D.C., 1887. + First International Council of Women, Washington, D.C., 1888. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1889. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1890. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1891. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1892. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1893. + International Council, Chicago, 1893. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1894. + National Suffrage Convention, Atlanta, Ga., 1895. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1896. + National Suffrage Convention, Des Moines, Iowa, 1897. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1898. + National Suffrage Convention, Grand Rapids, Mich., 1899. + International Council, London, England, 1899. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1900. + National Suffrage Convention, Minneapolis, Minn., 1901. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1902. + National Suffrage Convention, New Orleans, La., 1903. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1904. + International Council of Women, Berlin, Germany, 1904. + Formation of Intern'l Suffrage Alliance, Berlin, Germany, 1904. + National Suffrage Convention, Portland, Oregon, 1905. + National Suffrage Convention, Baltimore, Md., 1906. + International Suffrage Alliance, Copenhagen, Denmark, 1906. + National Suffrage Convention, Chicago, III., 1907. + International Suffrage Alliance, Amsterdam, Holland, 1908. + National Suffrage Convention, Buffalo, N. Y., 1908. + New York Headquarters established, 1909. + National Suffrage Convention, Seattle, Wash., 1909. + International Suffrage Alliance, London, England, 1909. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1910. + International Council, Genoa, Italy, 1911. + National Suffrage Convention, Louisville, Ky., 1911. + International Suffrage Alliance, Stockholm, Sweden, 1911. + National Suffrage Convention, Philadelphia, Pa., 1912. + International Council, The Hague, Holland, 1913 + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C.; 1913. + International Suffrage Alliance, Budapest, Hungary, 1913. + National Suffrage Convention, Nashville, Tenn., 1914. + International Council, Rome, Italy, 1914. + + +The winning of the suffrage states, the work in the states not yet won, +the conventions, gatherings, and international councils in which women +of every nation have come together, have all combined to make this +quarter of a century the most brilliant period for women in the history +of the world. I have set forth the record baldly and without comment, +because the bare facts are far more eloquent than words. It must not be +forgotten, too, that these great achievements of the progressive women +of to-day have been accomplished against the opposition of a large +number of their own sex--who, while they are out in the world's arena +fighting against progress for their sisters, still shatter the ear-drum +with their incongruous war-cry, "Woman's place is in the home!" + here: We were attending the Republican state nominating convention at +Mitchell--Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, other leaders, and myself--having +been told that it would be at once the largest and the most interesting +gathering ever held in the state as it proved to be. All the leading +politicians of the state were there, and in the wake of the white men +had come tribes of Indians with their camp outfits, their wives and +their children--the groups forming a picturesque circle of tents and +tepees around the town. It was a great occasion for them, an Indian +powwow, for by the law all Indians who had lands in severalty were to be +permitted to vote the following year. They were present, therefore, to +study the ways of the white man, and an edifying exhibition of these was +promptly offered them. + +The crowd was so great that it was only through the courtesy of Major +Pickler, a member of Congress and a devoted believer in suffrage, that +Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and the rest of us were able to secure passes +to the convention, and when we reached the hall we were escorted to the +last row of seats on the crowded platform. As the space between us and +the speakers was filled by rows upon rows of men, as well as by the band +and their instruments, we could see very little that took place. Some of +our friends pointed out this condition to the local committee and asked +that we be given seats on the floor, but received the reply that +there was "absolutely no room on the floor except for delegates and +distinguished visitors." Our persistent friends then suggested that at +least a front seat should be given to Miss Anthony, who certainly +came under the head of a "distinguished visitor"; but this was not +done--probably because a large number of the best seats were filled by +Russian laborers wearing badges inscribed "Against Woman Suffrage and +Susan B. Anthony." We remained, perforce, in our rear seats, finding +such interest as we could in the back view of hundreds of heads. + +Just before the convention was called to order it was announced that a +delegation of influential Indians was waiting outside, and a motion +to invite the red men into the hall was made and carried with great +enthusiasm. A committee of leading citizens was appointed to act as +escort, and these gentlemen filed out, returning a few moments later +with a party of Indian warriors in full war regalia, even to their +gay blankets, their feathered head-dresses, and their paint. When they +appeared the band struck up a stirring march of welcome, and the entire +audience cheered while the Indians, flanked by the admiring committee, +stalked solemnly down the aisle and were given seats of honor directly +in front of the platform. + +All we could see of them were the brilliant feathers of their +war-bonnets, but we got the full effect of their reception in the music +and the cheers. I dared not look at Miss Anthony during this remarkable +scene, and she, craning her venerable neck to get a glimpse of the +incident from her obscure corner, made no comment to me; but I knew what +she was thinking. The following year these Indians would have votes. +Courtesy, therefore, must be shown them. But the women did not matter, +the politicians reasoned, for even if they were enfranchised they would +never support the element represented at that convention. It was not +surprising that, notwithstanding our hard work, we did not win the +state, though all the conditions had seemed most favorable; for the +state was new, the men and women were working side by side in the +fields, and there was discontent in the ranks of the political parties. + +After the election, when we analyzed the vote county by county, we +discovered that in every county whose residents were principally +Americans the amendment was carried, whereas in all counties populated +largely by foreigners it was lost. In certain counties--those inhabited +by Russian Jews--the vote was almost solidly against us, and this +notwithstanding the fact that the wives of these Russian voters were +doing a man's work on their farms in addition to the usual women's work +in their homes. The fact that our Cause could be defeated by ignorant +laborers newly come to our country was a humiliating one to accept; and +we realized more forcibly than ever before the difficulty of the task we +had assumed--a task far beyond any ever undertaken by a body of men in +the history of democratic government throughout the world. We not only +had to bring American men back to a belief in the fundamental +principles of republican government, but we had also to educate ignorant +immigrants, as well as our own Indians, whose degree of civilization +was indicated by their war-paint and the flaunting feathers of their +head-dresses. + +The Kansas campaign, which Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, Mrs. Johns, and +I conducted in 1894, held a special interest, due to the Populist +movement. There were so many problems before the people--prohibition, +free silver, and the Populist propaganda--that we found ourselves +involved in the bitterest campaign ever fought out in the state. Our +desire, of course, was to get the indorsement of the different political +parties and religious bodies, We succeeded in obtaining that of three +out of four of the Methodist Episcopal conferences--the Congregational, +the Epworth League, and the Christian Endeavor League--as well as that +of the State Teachers' Association, the Woman's Christian Temperance +Union, and various other religious and philanthropic societies. To +obtain the indorsement of the political parties was much more difficult, +and we were facing conditions in which partial success was worse than +complete failure. It had long been an unwritten law before it became a +written law in our National Association that we must not take partisan +action or line up with any one political party. It was highly important, +therefore, that either all parties should support us or that none +should. + +The Populist convention was held in Topeka before either the Democratic +or Republican convention, and after two days of vigorous fighting, led +by Mrs. Anna Diggs and other prominent Populist women, a suffrage plank +was added to the platform. The Populist party invited me, as a minister, +to open the convention with prayer. This was an innovation, and served +as a wedge for the admission of women representatives of the Suffrage +Association to address the convention. We all did so, Miss Anthony +speaking first, Mrs. Catt second, and I last; after which, for the first +time in history, the Doxology was sung at a political convention. + +At the Democratic convention we made the same appeal, and were refused. +Instead of indorsing us, the Democrats put an anti-suffrage plank in +their platform--but this, as the party had little standing in Kansas, +probably did us more good than harm. Trouble came thick and fast, +however, when the Republicans, the dominant party in the state, held +their convention; and a mighty struggle began over the admission of a +suffrage plank. There was a Woman's Republican Club in Kansas, which +held its convention in Topeka at the same time the Republicans were +holding theirs. There was also a Mrs. Judith Ellen Foster, who, by +stirring up opposition in this Republican Club against the insertion +of a suffrage plank, caused a serious split in the convention. Miss +Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and I, of course, urged the Republican women to +stand by their sex, and to give their support to the Republicans only on +condition that the latter added suffrage to their platform. At no time, +and in no field of work, have I ever seen a more bitter conflict in +progress than that which raged for two days during this Republican +women's convention. Liquor-dealers, joint-keepers, "boot-leggers," +and all the lawless element of Kansas swung into line at a special +convention held under the auspices of the Liquor League of Kansas City, +and cast their united weight against suffrage by threatening to deny +their votes to any candidate or political party favoring our Cause. +The Republican women's convention finally adjourned with nothing +accomplished except the passing of a resolution mildly requesting the +Republican party to indorse woman suffrage. The result was, of course, +that it was not indorsed by the Republican convention, and that it was +defeated at the following election. + +It was at the time of these campaigns that I was elected Vice-President +of the National Association and Lecturer at Large, and the latter +office brought in its train a glittering variety of experiences. On one +occasion an episode occurred which "Aunt Susan" never afterward wearied +of describing. There was a wreck somewhere on the road on which I was +to travel to meet a lecture engagement, and the trains going my way were +not running. Looking up the track, however, I saw a train coming from +the opposite direction. I at once grasped my hand-luggage and started +for it. + +"Wait! Wait!" cried Miss Anthony. "That train's going the wrong way!" + +"At least it's going SOMEWHERE!" I replied, tersely, as the train +stopped, and I climbed the steps. + +Looking back when the train had started again, I saw "Aunt Susan" +standing in the same spot on the platform and staring after it with +incredulous eyes; but I was right, for I discovered that by going +up into another state I could get a train which would take me to +my destination in time for the lecture that night. It was a fine +illustration of my pet theory that if one intends to get somewhere it is +better to start, even in the wrong direction, than to stand still. + +Again and again in our work we had occasion to marvel over men's lack of +understanding of the views of women, even of those nearest and dearest +to them; and we had an especially striking illustration of this at one +of our hearings in Washington. A certain distinguished gentleman (we +will call him Mr. H----) was chairman of the Judiciary, and after we had +said what we wished to say, he remarked: + +"Your arguments are logical. Your cause is just. The trouble is that +women don't want suffrage. My wife doesn't want it. I don't know a +single woman who does want it." + +As it happened for this unfortunate gentleman, his wife was present at +the hearing and sitting beside Miss Anthony. She listened to his words +with surprise, and then whispered to "Aunt Susan": + +"How CAN he say that? _I_ want suffrage, and I've told him so a hundred +times in the last twenty years." + +"Tell him again NOW," urged Miss Anthony. "Here's your chance to impress +it on his memory." + +"Here!" gasped the wife. "Oh, I wouldn't dare." + +"Then may I tell him?" + +"Why--yes! He can think what he pleases, but he has no right to publicly +misrepresent me." + +The assent, hesitatingly begun, finished on a sudden note of firmness. +Miss Anthony stood up. + +"It may interest Mr. H----," she said, "to know that his wife DOES wish +to vote, and that for twenty years she has wished to vote, and has often +told him so, though he has evidently forgotten it. She is here beside +me, and has just made this explanation." + +Mr. H---- stammered and hesitated, and finally decided to laugh. But +there was no mirth in the sound he made, and I am afraid his wife had +a bad quarter of an hour when they met a little later in the privacy of +their home. + +Among other duties that fell to my lot at this period were numerous +suffrage debates with prominent opponents of the Cause. I have already +referred to the debate in Kansas with Senator Ingalls. Equaling this +in importance was a bout with Dr. Buckley, the distinguished Methodist +debater, which had been arranged for us at Chautauqua by Bishop Vincent +of the Methodist Church. The bishop was not a believer in suffrage, nor +was he one of my admirers. I had once aroused his ire by replying to +a sermon he had delivered on "God's Women," and by proving, to my own +satisfaction at least, that the women he thought were God's women had +done very little, whereas the work of the world had been done by those +he believed were not "God's Women." There was considerable interest, +therefore, in the Buckley-Shaw debate he had arranged; we all knew he +expected Dr. Buckley to wipe out that old score, and I was determined to +make it as difficult as possible for the distinguished gentleman to do +so. We held the debate on two succeeding days, I speaking one afternoon +and Dr. Buckley replying the following day. On the evening before I +spoke, however, Dr. Buckley made an indiscreet remark, which, blown +about Chautauqua on the light breeze of gossip, was generally regarded +as both unchivalrous and unfair. + +As the hall in which we were to speak was enormous, he declared that one +of two things would certainly happen. Either I would scream in order to +be heard by my great audience, or I would be unable to make myself heard +at all. If I screamed it would be a powerful argument against women as +public speakers; if I could not be heard, it would be an even better +argument. In either case, he summed up, I was doomed to failure. +Following out this theory, he posted men in the extreme rear of the +great hall on the day of my lecture, to report to him whether my words +reached them, while he himself graciously occupied a front seat. Bishop +Vincent's antagonistic feeling was so strong, however, that though, as +the presiding officer of the occasion, he introduced me to the audience, +he did not wait to hear my speech, but immediately left the hall--and +this little slight added to the public's interest in the debate. It +was felt that the two gentlemen were not quite "playing fair," and the +champions of the Cause were especially enthusiastic in their efforts to +make up for these failures in courtesy. My friends turned out in force +to hear the lecture, and on the breast of every one of them flamed the +yellow bow that stood for suffrage, giving to the vast hall something of +the effect of a field of yellow tulips in full bloom. + +When Dr. Buckley rose to reply the next day these friends were again +awaiting him with an equally jocund display of the suffrage color, and +this did not add to his serenity. During his remarks he made the serious +mistake of losing his temper; and, unfortunately for him, he directed +his wrath toward a very old man who had thoughtlessly applauded by +pounding on the floor with his cane when Dr. Buckley quoted a point I +had made. The doctor leaned forward and shook his fist at him. + +"Think she's right, do you?" he asked. + +"Yes," admitted the venerable citizen, briskly, though a little startled +by the manner of the question. + +"Old man," shouted Dr. Buckley, "I'll make you take that back if you've +got a grain of sense in your head!" + +The insult cost him his audience. When he realized this he lost all his +self-possession, and, as the Buffalo Courier put it the next day, "went +up and down the platform raving like a Billingsgate fishwife." He lost +the debate, and the supply of yellow ribbon left in the surrounding +counties was purchased that night to be used in the suffrage celebration +that followed. My friends still refer to the occasion as "the day we +wiped up the earth with Dr. Buckley"; but I do not deserve the implied +tribute, for Dr. Buckley would have lost his case without a word from +me. What really gave me some satisfaction, however, was the respective +degree of freshness with which he and I emerged from our combat. After +my speech Miss Anthony and I were given a reception, and stood for hours +shaking hands with hundreds of men and women. Later in the evening we +had a dinner and another reception, which, lasting, as they did, until +midnight, kept us from our repose. Dr. Buckley, poor gentleman, had to +be taken to his hotel immediately after his speech, given a hot bath, +rubbed down, and put tenderly to bed; and not even the sympathetic heart +of Susan B. Anthony yearned over him when she heard of his exhaustion. + +It was also at Chautauqua, by the way, though a number of years earlier, +that I had my much misquoted encounter with the minister who deplored +the fashion I followed in those days of wearing my hair short. This +young man, who was rather a pompous person, saw fit to take me to task +at a table where a number of us were dining together. + +"Miss Shaw," he said, abruptly, "I have been asked very often why +you wear your hair short, and I have not been able to explain. Of +course"--this kindly--"I know there is some good reason. I ventured to +advance the theory that you have been ill and that your hair has fallen +out. Is that it?" + +"No," I told him. "There is a reason, as you suggest. But it is not that +one." + +"Then why--" he insisted. + +"I am rather sensitive about it," I explained. "I don't know that I care +to discuss the subject." + +The young minister looked pained. "But among friends--" he protested. + +"True," I conceded. "Well, then, among friends, I will admit frankly +that it is a birthmark. I was born with short hair." + +That was the last time my short hair was criticized in my presence, but +the young minister was right in his disapproval and I was wrong, as I +subsequently realized. A few years later I let my hair grow long, for +I had learned that no woman in public life can afford to make herself +conspicuous by any eccentricity of dress or appearance. If she does so +she suffers for it herself, which may not disturb her, and to a greater +or less degree she injures the cause she represents, which should +disturb her very much. + + + + +XII. BUILDING A HOME + +It is not generally known that the meeting of the International Council +of Women held in Chicago during the World's Fair was suggested by Miss +Anthony, as was also the appointment of the Exposition's "Board of Lady +Managers." "Aunt Susan" kept her name in the background, that she might +not array against these projects the opposition of those prejudiced +against woman suffrage. We both spoke at the meetings, however, as +I have already explained, and one of our most chastening experiences +occurred on "Actress Night." There was a great demand for tickets for +this occasion, as every one seemed anxious to know what kind of speeches +our leading women of the stage would make; and the programme offered +such magic names as Helena Modjeska, Julia Marlowe, Georgia Cayvan, +Clara Morris, and others of equal appeal. The hall was soon filled, and +to keep out the increasing throng the doors were locked and the waiting +crowd was directed to a second hall for an overflow meeting. + +As it happened, Miss Anthony and I were among the earliest arrivals at +the main hall. It was the first evening we had been free to do exactly +as we pleased, and we were both in high spirits, looking forward to the +speeches, congratulating each other on the good seats we had been given +on the platform, and rallying the speakers on their stage fright; for, +much to our amusement, we had found them all in mortal terror of their +audience. Georgia Cayvan, for example, was so nervous that she had to +be strengthened with hot milk before she could speak, and Julia Marlowe +admitted freely that her knees were giving way beneath her. They really +had something of an ordeal before them, for it was decided that each +actress must speak twice going immediately from the hall to the overflow +meeting and repeating there the speech she had just made. But in the +mean time some one had to hold the impatient audience in the second +hall, and as it was a duty every one else promptly repudiated, a row of +suddenly imploring faces turned toward Miss Anthony and me. I admit that +we responded to the appeal with great reluctance. We were SO comfortable +where we were--and we were also deeply interested in the first intimate +glimpse we were having of these stars in the dramatic sky. We saw our +duty, however, and with deep sighs we rose and departed for the second +hall, where a glance at the waiting throng did not add to our pleasure +in the prospect before us. + +When I walked upon the stage I found myself facing an actually hostile +audience. They had come to look at and listen to the actresses who had +been promised them, and they thought they were being deprived of that +privilege by an interloper. Never before had I gazed out on a mass of +such unresponsive faces or looked into so many angry eyes. They were +exchanging views on their wrongs, and the general buzz of conversation +continued when I appeared. For some moments I stood looking at them, +my hands behind my back. If I had tried to speak they would undoubtedly +have gone on talking; my silence attracted their attention and they +began to wonder what I intended to do. When they had stopped whispering +and moving about, I spoke to them with the frankness of an overburdened +heart. + +"I think," I said, slowly and distinctly, "that you are the most +disagreeable audience I ever faced in my life." + +They gasped and stared, almost open-mouthed in their surprise. + +"Never," I went on, "have I seen a gathering of people turn such ugly +looks upon a speaker who has sacrificed her own enjoyment to come and +talk to them. Do you think I want to talk to you?" I demanded, warming +to my subject. "I certainly do not. Neither does Miss Anthony want to +talk to you, and the lady who spoke to you a few moments ago, and whom +you treated so rudely, did not wish to be here. We would all much prefer +to be in the other hall, listening to the speakers from our comfortable +seats on the stage. To entertain you we gave up our places and came here +simply because the committee begged us to do so. I have only one thing +more to say. If you care to listen to me courteously I am willing to +waste time on you; but don't imagine that I will stand here and wait +while you criticize the management." + +By this time I felt as if I had a child across my knee to whom I was +administering maternal chastisement, and the uneasiness of my audience +underlined the impression. They listened rather sulkily at first; then +a few of the best-natured among them laughed, and the laugh grew and +developed into applause. The experience had done them good, and they +were a chastened band when Clara Morris appeared, and I gladly yielded +the floor to her. + +All the actresses who spoke that night delivered admirable addresses, +but no one equaled Madame Modjeska, who delivered exquisitely a speech +written, not by herself, but by a friend and countrywoman, on the +condition of Polish women under the regime of Russia. We were all +charmed as we listened, but none of us dreamed what that address would +mean to Modjeska. It resulted in her banishment from Poland, her native +land, which she was never again permitted to enter. But though she paid +so heavy a price for the revelation, I do not think she ever really +regretted having given to America the facts in that speech. + +During this same period I embarked upon a high adventure. I had always +longed for a home, and my heart had always been loyal to Cape Cod. Now I +decided to have a home at Wianno, across the Cape from my old parish at +East Dennis. Deep-seated as my home-making aspiration had been, it was +realized largely as the result of chance. A special hobby of mine has +always been auction sales. I dearly love to drop into auction-rooms +while sales are in progress, and bid up to the danger-point, taking care +to stop just in time to let some one else get the offered article. But +of course I sometimes failed to stop at the psychological moment, and +the result was a sudden realization that, in the course of the years, I +had accumulated an extraordinary number of articles for which I had no +shelter and no possible use. + +The crown jewel of the collection was a bedroom set I had picked up in +Philadelphia. Usually, cautious friends accompanied me on my auction-room +expeditions and restrained my ardor; but this time I got away alone and +found myself bidding at the sale of a solid bog-wood bedroom set which +had been exhibited as a show-piece at the World's Fair, and was now, +in the words of the auctioneer, "going for a song." I sang the song. I +offered twenty dollars, thirty dollars, forty dollars, and other excited +voices drowned mine with higher bids. It was very thrilling. I offered +fifty dollars, and there was a horrible silence, broken at last by the +auctioneer's final, "Going, going, GONE!" I was mistress of the +bog-wood bedroom set--a set wholly out of harmony with everything else +I possessed, and so huge and massive that two men were required to +lift the head-board alone. Like many of the previous treasures I had +acquired, this was a white elephant; but, unlike some of them, it was +worth more than I had paid for it. I was offered sixty dollars for one +piece alone, but I coldly refused to sell it, though the tribute to my +judgment warmed my heart. I had not the faintest idea what to do with +the set, however, and at last I confided my dilemma to my friend, Mrs. +Ellen Dietrick, who sagely advised me to build a house for it. The idea +intrigued me. The bog-wood furniture needed a home, and so did I. + +The result of our talk was that Mrs. Dietrick promised to select a +lot for me at Wianno, where she herself lived, and even promised to +supervise the building of my cottage, and to attend to all the other +details connected with it. Thus put, the temptation was irresistible. +Besides Mrs. Dietrick, many other delightful friends lived at +Wianno--the Garrisons, the Chases of Rhode Island, the Wymans, the +Wellingtons--a most charming community. I gave Mrs. Dietrick full +authority to use her judgment in every detail connected with the +undertaking, and the cottage was built. Having put her hand to this +plow of friendship, Mrs. Dietrick did the work with characteristic +thoroughness. I did not even visit Wianno to look at my land. She +selected it, bought it, engaged a woman architect--Lois Howe of +Boston--and followed the latter's work from beginning to end. The only +stipulation I made was that the cottage must be far up on the beach, out +of sight of everybody--really in the woods; and this was easily met, for +along that coast the trees came almost to the water's edge. + +The cottage was a great success, and for many years I spent my vacations +there, filling the place with young people. From the time of my sister +Mary's death I had had the general oversight of her two daughters, +Lola and Grace, as well as of Nicolas and Eleanor, the two motherless +daughters of my brother John. They were all with me every summer in +the new home, together with Lucy Anthony, her sister and brother, Mrs. +Rachel Foster Avery, and other friends. We had special fishing costumes +made, and wore them much of the time. My nieces wore knickerbockers, and +I found vast contentment in short, heavy skirts over bloomers. We lived +out of doors, boating, fishing, and clamming all day long, and, as in my +early pioneer days in Michigan, my part of the work was in the open. +I chopped all the wood, kept the fires going, and looked after the +grounds. + +Rumors of our care-free and unconventional life began to circulate, and +presently our Eden was invaded by the only serpent I have ever found in +the newspaper world--a girl reporter from Boston. She telegraphed that +she was coming to see us; and though, when she came, we had been warned +of her propensities and received her in conventional attire, formally +entertaining her with tea on the veranda, she went away and gave free +play to a hectic fancy. She wrote a sensational full-page article for +a Sunday newspaper, illustrated with pictures showing us all in +knickerbockers. In this striking work of art I carried a fish net and +pole and wore a handkerchief tied over my head. The article, which was +headed THE ADAMLESS EDEN, was almost libelous, and I admit that for +a long time it dimmed our enjoyment of our beloved retreat. Then, +gradually, my old friends died, Mrs. Dietrick among the first; others +moved away; and the character of the entire region changed. It became +fashionable, privacy was no longer to be found there, and we ceased to +visit it. For five years I have not even seen the cottage. + +In 1908 I built the house I now occupy (in Moylan, Pennsylvania), which +is the realization of a desire I have always had--to build on a tract +which had a stream, a grove of trees, great boulders and rocks, and a +hill site for the house with a broad outlook, and a railroad station +conveniently near. The friend who finally found the place for me had +begun his quest with the pessimistic remark that I would better wait for +it until I got to Paradise; but two years later he telegraphed me that +he had discovered it on this planet, and he was right. I have only eight +acres of land, but no one could ask a more ideal site for a cottage; and +on the place is my beloved forest, including a grove of three hundred +firs. From every country I have visited I have brought back a tiny tree +for this little forest, and now it is as full of memories as of beauty. + +To the surprise of my neighbors, I built my house with its back toward +the public road, facing the valley and the stream. "But you will never +see anybody go by," they protested. I answered that the one person in +the house who was necessarily interested in passers-by was my maid, and +she could see them perfectly from the kitchen, which faced the road. +I enjoy my views from the broad veranda that overlooks the valley, the +stream, and the country for miles around. + +Every suffragist I have ever met has been a lover of home; and only the +conviction that she is fighting for her home, her children, for other +women, or for all of these, has sustained her in her public work. +Looking back on many campaign experiences, I am forced to admit that it +is not always the privations we endure which make us think most tenderly +of home. Often we are more overcome by the attentions of well-meaning +friends. As an example of this I recall an incident of one Oregon +campaign. I was to speak in a small city in the southern part of the +state, and on reaching the station, hot, tired, and covered with the +grime of a midsummer journey, I found awaiting me a delegation of +citizens, a brass-band, and a white carriage drawn by a pair of +beautiful white horses. In this carriage, and devotedly escorted by the +citizens and the band, the latter playing its hardest, I was driven +to the City Hall and there met by the mayor, who delivered an address, +after which I was crowned with a laurel wreath. Subsequently, with this +wreath still resting upon my perspiring brow, I was again driven through +the streets of the city; and if ever a woman felt that her place was in +the home and longed to be in her place, I felt it that day. + +An almost equally trying occasion had San Francisco for its setting. The +city had arranged a Fourth of July celebration, at which Miss Anthony +and I were to speak. Here we rode in a carriage decorated with +flowers--yellow roses--while just in front of us was the mayor in a +carriage gorgeously festooned with purple blossoms. Behind us, for more +than a mile, stretched a procession of uniformed policemen, soldiers, +and citizens, while the sidewalks were lined with men and women whose +enthusiastic greetings came to Miss Anthony from every side. She was +enchanted over the whole experience, for to her it meant, as always, not +a personal tribute, but a triumph of the Cause. But I sat by her side +acutely miserable; for across my shoulders and breast had been draped a +huge sash with the word "Orator" emblazoned on it, and this was further +embellished by a striking rosette with streamers which hung nearly +to the bottom of my gown. It is almost unnecessary to add that this +remarkable decoration was furnished by a committee of men, and was also +worn by all the men speakers of the day. Possibly I was overheated by +the sash, or by the emotions the sash aroused in me, for I was stricken +with pneumonia the following day and experienced my first serious +illness, from which, however, I soon recovered. + +On our way to California in 1895 Miss Anthony and I spent a day at +Cheyenne, Wyoming, as the guests of Senator and Mrs. Carey, who gave a +dinner for us. At the table I asked Senator Carey what he considered the +best result of the enfranchisement of Wyoming women, and even after the +lapse of twenty years I am able to give his reply almost word for word, +for it impressed me deeply at the time and I have since quoted it again +and again. + +"There have been many good results," he said, "but the one I consider +above all the others is the great change for the better in the character +of our candidates for office. Consider this for a moment: Since our +women have voted there has never been an embezzlement of public funds, +or a scandalous misuse of public funds, or a disgraceful condition of +graft. I attribute the better character of our public officials almost +entirely to the votes of the women." + +"Those are inspiring facts," I conceded, "but let us be just. There are +three men in Wyoming to every woman, and no candidate for office could +be elected unless the men voted for him, too. Why, then, don't they +deserve as much credit for his election as the women?" + +"Because," explained Senator Carey, promptly, "women are politically an +uncertain factor. We can go among men and learn beforehand how they are +going to vote, but we can't do that with women; they keep us guessing. +In the old days, when we went into the caucus we knew what resolutions +put into our platforms would win the votes of the ranchmen, what would +win the miners, what would win the men of different nationalities; but +we did not know how to win the votes of the women until we began to +nominate our candidates. Then we immediately discovered that if the +Democrats nominated a man of immoral character for office, the women +voted for his Republican opponent, and we learned our first big +lesson--that whatever a candidate's other qualifications for office may +be, he must first of all have a clean record. In the old days, when we +nominated a candidate we asked, 'Can he hold the saloon vote?' Now we +ask, 'Can he hold the women's vote?' Instead of bidding down to the +saloon, we bid up to the home." + +Following the dinner there was a large public meeting, at which Miss +Anthony and I were to speak. Mrs. Jenkins, who was president of the +Suffrage Association of the state, presided and introduced us to the +assemblage. Then she added: "I have introduced you ladies to your +audience. Now I would like to introduce your audience to you." She began +with the two Senators and the member of Congress, then introduced the +Governor, the Lieutenant-Governor, the state Superintendent of Education, +and numerous city and state officials. As she went on Miss Anthony grew +more and more excited, and when the introductions were over, she said: +"This is the first time I have ever seen an audience assembled for woman +suffrage made up of the public officials of a state. No one can ever +persuade me now that men respect women without political power as much +as they respect women who have it; for certainly in no other state in +the Union would it be possible to gather so many public officials under +one roof to listen to the addresses of women." + +The following spring we again went West, with Mrs. Catt, Lucy Anthony, +Miss Hay and Miss Sweet, her secretary, to carry on the Pacific coast +campaign of '96, arranged by Mrs. Cooper and her daughter Harriet, of +Oakland--both women of remarkable executive ability. Headquarters were +secured in San Francisco, and Miss Hay was put in charge, associated +with a large group of California women. It was the second time in the +history of campaigns--the first being in New York--that all the money to +carry on the work was raised by the people of the state. + +The last days of the campaign were extremely interesting, and one of +their important events was that the Hon. Thomas Reed, then Speaker of +the House of Representatives, for the first time came out publicly for +suffrage. Mr. Reed had often expressed himself privately as in favor of +the Cause--but he had never made a public statement for us. At Oakland, +one day, the indefatigable and irresistible "Aunt Susan" caught him off +his guard by persuading his daughter, Kitty Reed, who was his idol, to +ask him to say just one word in favor of our amendment. When he arose we +did not know whether he had promised what she asked, and as his speech +progressed our hearts sank lower and lower, for all he said was remote +from our Cause. But he ended with these words: + +"There is an amendment of the constitution pending, granting suffrage +to women. The women of California ought to have suffrage. The men of +California ought to give it to them--and the next speaker, Dr. Shaw, +will tell you why." + +The word was spoken. And though it was not a very strong word, it came +from a strong man, and therefore helped us. + +Election day, as usual, brought its surprises and revelations. Mrs. +Cooper asked her Chinese cook how the Chinese were voting--i. e., +the native-born Chinamen who were entitled to vote--and he replied, +blithely, "All Chinamen vote for Billy McKee and 'NO' to women!" It is +an interesting fact that every Chinese vote was cast against us. + +All day we went from one to another of the polling-places, and I shall +always remember the picture of Miss Anthony and the wife of Senator +Sargent wandering around the polls arm in arm at eleven o'clock at +night, their tired faces taking on lines of deeper depression with every +minute; for the count was against us. However, we made a fairly good +showing. When the final counts came in we found that we had won the +state from the north down to Oakland, and from the south up to San +Francisco; but there was not a sufficient majority to overcome the +adverse votes of San Francisco and Oakland. With more than 230,000 votes +cast, we were defeated by only 10,000 majority. In San Francisco the +saloon element and the most aristocratic section of the city made an +equal showing against us, while the section occupied by the middle +working-class was largely in favor of our amendment. I dwell especially +on this campaign, partly because such splendid work was done by the +women of California, and also because, during the same election, Utah +and Idaho granted full suffrage to women. This gave us four suffrage +states--Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, and Idaho--and we prepared for future +struggles with very hopeful hearts. + +It was during this California campaign, by the way, that I unwittingly +caused much embarrassment to a worthy young man. At a mass-meeting held +in San Francisco, Rabbi Vorsanger, who was not in favor of suffrage for +women, advanced the heartening theory that in a thousand years more they +might possibly be ready for it. After a thousand years of education for +women, of physically developed women, of uncorseted women, he said, we +might have the ideal woman, and could then begin to talk about freedom +for her. + +When the rabbi sat down there was a shout from the audience for me to +answer him, but all I said was that the ideal woman would be rather +lonely, as it would certainly take another thousand years to develop an +ideal man capable of being a mate for her. On the following night Prof. +Howard Griggs, of Stanford University, made a speech on the modern +woman--a speech so admirably thought out and delivered that we were all +delighted with it. When he had finished the audience again called on +me, and I rose and proceeded to make what my friends frankly called "the +worst break" of my experience. Rabbi Vorsanger's ideal woman was still +in my mind, and I had been rather hard on the men in my reply to the +rabbi the night before; so now I hastened to give this clever young +man his full due. I said that though the rabbi thought it would take a +thousand years to make an ideal woman, I believed that, after all, it +might not take as long to make the ideal man. We had something very near +it in a speaker who could reveal such ability, such chivalry, and such +breadth of view as Professor Griggs had just shown that he possessed. + +That night I slept the sleep of the just and the well-meaning, and it +was fortunate I did, for the morning newspapers had a surprise for me +that called for steady nerves and a sense of humor. Across the front +page of every one of them ran startling head-lines to this effect: + + DR. SHAW HAS FOUND HER IDEAL MAN + The Prospects Are That She Will + Remain in California + +Professor Griggs was young enough to be my son, and he was already +married and the father of two beautiful children; but these facts were +not permitted to interfere with the free play of fancy in journalistic +minds. For a week the newspapers were filled with all sorts of articles, +caricatures, and editorials on my ideal man, which caused me much +annoyance and some amusement, while they plunged Professor Griggs +into an abysmal gloom. In the end, however, the experience proved an +excellent one for him, for the publicity attending his speech made him +decide to take up lecturing as a profession, which he eventually did +with great success. But neither of us has yet heard the last of the +Ideal Man episode. Only a few years ago, on his return to California +after a long absence, one of the leading Sunday newspapers of the state +heralded Professor Griggs's arrival by publishing a full-page article +bearing his photograph and mine and this flamboyant heading: + + SHE MADE HIM + And Dr. Shaw's Ideal Man Became the + Idol of American Women and + Earns $30,000 a Year + +We had other unusual experiences in California, and the display of +affluence on every side was not the least impressive of them. In one +town, after a heavy rain, I remember seeing a number of little boys +scraping the dirt from the gutters, washing it, and finding tiny nuggets +of gold. We learned that these boys sometimes made two or three dollars +a day in this way, and that the streets of the town--I think it was +Marysville--contained so much gold that a syndicate offered to level the +whole town and repave the streets in return for the right to wash out +the gold. This sounds like the kind of thing Americans tell to trustful +visitors from foreign lands, but it is quite true. Nuggets, indeed, +were so numerous that at one of our meetings, when we were taking up a +collection, I cheerfully suggested that our audience drop a few into the +box, as we had not had a nugget since we reached the state. There were +no nuggets in the subsequent collection, but there was a note which +read: "If Dr. Shaw will accept a gold nugget, I will see that she does +not leave town without one." I read this aloud, and added, "I have never +refused a gold nugget in my life." + +The following day brought me a pin made of a very beautiful gold nugget, +and a few days later another Californian produced a cluster of smaller +nuggets which he had washed out of a panful of earth and insisted on my +accepting half of them. I was not accustomed to this sort of generosity, +but it was characteristic of the spirit of the state. Nowhere else, +during our campaign experiences, were we so royally treated in every +way. As a single example among many, I may mention that Mrs. Leland +Stanford once happened to be on a train with us and to meet Miss +Anthony. As a result of this chance encounter she gave our whole party +passes on all the lines of the Southern Pacific Railroad, for use during +the entire campaign. Similar generosity was shown us on every side, and +the question of finance did not burden us from the beginning to the end +of the California work. + +In our Utah and Idaho campaigns we had also our full share of new +experiences, and of these perhaps the most memorable to me was the +sermon I preached in the Mormon Tabernacle at Salt Lake City. Before I +left New York the Mormon women had sent me the invitation to preach this +sermon, and when I reached Salt Lake City and the so-called "Gentile" +women heard of the plan, they at once invited me to preach to the +"Gentiles" on the evening of the same Sunday, in the Salt Lake City +Opera House. + +On the morning of the sermon I approached the Mormon Tabernacle with +much more trepidation than I usually experienced before entering a +pulpit. I was not sure what particular kind of trouble I would get into, +but I had an abysmal suspicion that trouble of some sort lay in wait for +me, and I shivered in the anticipation of it. Fortunately, my anxiety +was not long drawn out. I arrived only a few moments before the hour +fixed for the sermon, and found the congregation already assembled and +the Tabernacle filled with the beautiful music of the great organ. On +the platform, to which I was escorted by several leading dignitaries +of the church, was the characteristic Mormon arrangement of seats. The +first row was occupied by the deacons, and in the center of these was +the pulpit from which the deacons preach. Above these seats was a second +row, occupied by ordained elders, and there they too had their own +pulpit. The third row was occupied by, the bishops and the highest +dignitaries of the church, with the pulpit from which the bishops +preach; and behind them all, an effective human frieze, was the really +wonderful Mormon choir. + +As I am an ordained elder in my church, I occupied the pulpit in the +middle row of seats, with the deacons below me and the bishops just +behind. Scattered among the congregation were hundreds of "Gentiles" +ready to leap mentally upon any concession I might make to the Mormon +faith; while the Mormons were equally on the alert for any implied +criticism of them and their church. The problem of preaching a sermon +which should offer some appeal to both classes, without offending +either, was a perplexing one, and I solved it to the best of my ability +by delivering a sermon I had once given in my own church to my own +people. When I had finished I was wholly uncertain of its effect, but +at the end of the services one of the bishops leaned toward me from his +place in the rear, and, to my mingled horror and amusement, offered me +this tribute, "That is one of the best Mormon sermons ever preached in +this Tabernacle." + +I thanked him, but inwardly I was aghast. What had I said to give him +such an impression? I racked my brain, but could recall nothing that +justified it. I passed the day in a state of nervous apprehension, +fully expecting some frank criticism from the "Gentiles" on the score of +having delivered a Mormon sermon to ingratiate myself into the favor of +the Mormons and secure their votes for the constitutional amendment. +But nothing of the kind was said. That evening, after the sermon to the +"Gentiles," a reception was given to our party, and I drew my first deep +breath when the wife of a well-known clergyman came to me and introduced +herself in these words: + +"My husband could not come here to-night, but he heard your sermon this +morning. He asked me to tell you how glad he was that under such unusual +conditions you held so firmly to the teachings of Christ." + +The next day I was still more reassured. A reception was given us at +the home of one of Brigham Young's daughters, and the receiving-line was +graced by the presiding elder of the Methodist Episcopal Church. He was +a bluff and jovial gentleman, and when he took my hand he said, warmly, +"Well, Sister Shaw, you certainly gave our Mormon friends the biggest +dose of Methodism yesterday that they ever got in their lives." + +After this experience I reminded myself again that what Frances Willard +so frequently said is true; All truth is our truth when it has reached +our hearts; we merely rechristen it according to our individual creeds. + +During the visit I had an interesting conversation with a number of the +younger Mormon women. I was to leave the city on a midnight train, and +about twenty of them, including four daughters of Brigham Young, came to +my hotel to remain with me until it was time to go to the station. They +filled the room, sitting around in school-girl fashion on the floor and +even on the bed. It was an unusual opportunity to learn some things I +wished to know, and I could not resist it. + +"There are some questions I would like to ask you," I began, "and one +or two of them may seem impertinent. But they won't be asked in that +spirit--and please don't answer any that embarrass you." + +They exchanged glances, and then told me to ask as many questions as I +wished. + +"First of all," I said, "I would like to know the real attitude toward +polygamy of the present generation of Mormon women. Do you all believe +in it?" + +They assured me that they did. + +"How many of you," I then asked, "are polygamous wives?" + +There was not one in the group. "But," I insisted, "if you really +believe in polygamy, why is it that some of your husbands have not taken +more than one wife?" + +There was a moment of silence, while each woman looked around as if +waiting for another to answer. At last one of them said, slowly: + +"In my case, I alone was to blame. For years I could not force myself to +consent to my husband's taking another wife, though I tried hard. By +the time I had overcome my objection the law was passed prohibiting +polygamy." + +A second member of the group hastened to tell her story. She had had a +similar spiritual struggle, and just as she reached the point where she +was willing to have her husband take another wife, he died. And now the +room was filled with eager voices. Four or five women were telling at +once that they, too, had been reluctant in the beginning, and that when +they had reached the point of consent this, that, or another cause had +kept the husbands from marrying again. They were all so passionately in +earnest that they stared at me in puzzled wonder when I broke into the +sudden laughter I could not restrain. + +"What fortunate women you all were!" I exclaimed, teasingly. "Not one of +you arrived at the point of consenting to the presence of a second wife +in your home until it was impossible for your husband to take her." + +They flushed a little at that, and then laughed with me; but they +did not defend themselves against the tacit charge, and I turned the +conversation into less personal channels. I learned that many of the +Mormon young men were marrying girls outside of the Church, and that two +sons of a leading Mormon elder had married and were living very happily +with Catholic girls. + +At this time the Mormon candidate for Congress (a man named Roberts) +was a bitter opponent of woman suffrage. The Mormon women begged me to +challenge him to a debate on the subject, which I did, but Mr. Roberts +declined the challenge. The ground of his refusal, which he made public +through the newspapers, was chastening to my spirit. He explained that +he would not debate with me because he was not willing to lower himself +to the intellectual plane of a woman. + + + + +XIII. PRESIDENT OF "THE NATIONAL" + +In 1900 Miss Anthony, then over eighty, decided that she must resign +the presidency of our National Association, and the question of the +successor she would choose became an important one. It was conceded that +there were only two candidates in her mind--Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt and +myself--and for several months we gave the suffrage world the unusual +spectacle of rivals vigorously pushing each other's claims. Miss Anthony +was devoted to us both, and I think the choice was a hard one for her to +make. On the one hand, I had been vice-president at large and her almost +constant companion for twelve years, and she had grown accustomed to +think of me as her successor. On the other hand, Mrs. Catt had been +chairman of the organization committee, and through her splendid +executive ability had built up our organization in many states. From +Miss Anthony down, we all recognized her steadily growing powers; she +had, moreover, abundant means, which I had not. + +In my mind there was no question of her superior qualification for the +presidency. She seemed to me the logical and indeed the only possible +successor to Miss Anthony; and I told "Aunt Susan" so with all the +eloquence I could command, while simultaneously Mrs. Catt was pouring +into Miss Anthony's other ear a series of impassioned tributes to me. +It was an unusual situation and a very pleasant one, and it had two +excellent results: it simplified "Aunt Susan's" problem by eliminating +the element of personal ambition, and it led to her eventual choice of +Mrs. Catt as her successor. + +I will admit here for the first time that in urging Mrs. Catt's fitness +for the office I made the greatest sacrifice of my life. My highest +ambition had been to succeed Miss Anthony, for no one who knew her as I +did could underestimate the honor of being chosen by her to carry on her +work. + +At the convention in Washington that year she formally refused the +nomination for re-election, as we had all expected, and then, on being +urged to choose her own successor, she stepped forward to do so. It was +a difficult hour, for her fiery soul resented the limitations imposed by +her worn-out body, and to such a worker the most poignant experience in +life is to be forced to lay down one's work at the command of old age. +On this she touched briefly, but in a trembling voice; and then, in +furtherance of the understanding between the three of us, she presented +the name of Mrs. Catt to the convention with all the pride and hope a +mother could feel in the presentation of a daughter. + +Her faith was fully justified. Mrs. Catt made an admirable president, +and during every moment of the four years she held the office she had +Miss Anthony's whole-hearted and enthusiastic support, while I, too, +in my continued office of vice-president, did my utmost to help her +in every way. In 1904, however, Mrs. Catt was elected president of the +International Suffrage Alliance, as I have mentioned before, and that +same year she resigned the presidency of our National Association, as +her health was not equal to the strain of carrying the two offices. + +Miss Anthony immediately urged me to accept the presidency of the +National Association, which I was now most unwilling to do; I had lost +my ambition to be president, and there were other reasons, into which I +need not go again, why I felt that I could not accept the post. At last, +however, Miss Anthony actually commanded me to take the place, and there +was nothing to do but obey her. She was then eighty-four, and, as it +proved, within two years of her death. It was no time for me to rebel +against her wishes; but I yielded with the heaviest heart I have +ever carried, and after my election to the presidency at the national +convention in Washington I left the stage, went into a dark corner of +the wings, and for the first time since my girlhood "cried myself sick." + +In the work I now took up I found myself much alone. Mrs. Catt was +really ill, and the strength of "Aunt Susan" must be saved in every way. +Neither could give me much help, though each did all she should have +done, and more. Mrs. Catt, whose husband had recently died, was in a +deeply despondent frame of mind, and seemed to feel that the future was +hopelessly dark. My own panacea for grief is work, and it seemed to +me that both physically and mentally she would be helped by a wise +combination of travel and effort. During my lifetime I have cherished +two ambitions, and only two: the first, as I have already confessed, had +been to succeed Miss Anthony as president of our association; the second +was to go around the world, carrying the woman-suffrage ideal to every +country, and starting in each a suffrage society. Long before the +inception of the International Suffrage Alliance I had dreamed this +dream; and, though it had receded as I followed it through life, I had +never wholly lost sight of it. Now I realized that for me it could never +be more than a dream. I could never hope to have enough money at my +disposal to carry it out, and it occurred to me that if Mrs. Catt +undertook it as president of the International Suffrage Alliance the +results would be of the greatest benefit to the Cause and to her. + +In my first visit to her after her husband's death I suggested this +plan, but she replied that it was impossible for her to consider it. +I did not lose thought of it, however, and at the next International +Conference, held in Copenhagen in 1907, I suggested to some of the +delegates that we introduce the matter as a resolution, asking Mrs. Catt +to go around the world in behalf of woman suffrage. They approved the +suggestion so heartily that I followed it up with a speech setting forth +the whole plan and Mrs. Catt's peculiar fitness for the work. Several +months later Mrs. Catt and Dr. Aletta Jacobs, president of the Holland +Suffrage Association, started on their world tour; and not until after +they had gone did I fully realize that the two great personal ambitions +of my life had been realized, not by me, but by another, and in each +case with my enthusiastic co-operation. + +In 1904, following my election to the presidency, a strong appeal came +from the Board of Managers of the exposition to be held in Portland, +Oregon, urging us to hold our next annual convention there during +the exposition. It was the first time an important body of men had +recognized us in this manner, and we gladly responded. So strong a +political factor did the men of Oregon recognize us to be that every +political party in the state asked to be represented on our platform; +and one entire evening of the convention was given over to the +representatives chosen by the various parties to indorse the suffrage +movement. Thus we began in Oregon the good work we continued in 1906, +and of which we reaped the harvest in 1912. + +Next to "Suffrage Night," the most interesting feature of the exposition +to us was the unveiling of the statue of Saccawagea, the young Indian +girl who led the Lewis and Clark expedition through the dangerous passes +of the mountain ranges of the Northwest until they reached the Pacific +coast. This statue, presented to the exposition by the women of Oregon, +is the belated tribute of the state to its most dauntless pioneer; +and no one can look upon the noble face of the young squaw, whose +outstretched hand points to the ocean, without marveling over the +ingratitude of the nation that ignored her supreme service. To +Saccawagea is due the opening up of the entire western country. There +was no one to guide Lewis and Clark except this Indian, who alone knew +the way; and she led the whole party, carrying her papoose on her +back. She was only sixteen, but she brought every man safely through an +experience of almost unparalleled hardship and danger, nursing them +in sickness and setting them an example of unfaltering courage and +endurance, until she stood at last on the Pacific coast, where her +statue stands now, pointing to the wide sweep of the Columbia River as +it flows into the sea. + +This recognition by women is the only recognition she ever received. +Both Lewis and Clark were sincerely grateful to her and warmly +recommended her to the government for reward; but the government allowed +her absolutely nothing, though each man in the party she had led was +given a large tract of land. Tradition says that she was bitterly +disappointed, as well she might have been, and her Indian brain must +have been sadly puzzled. But she was treated little worse than thousands +of the white pioneer women who have followed her; and standing: there +to-day on the bank of her river, she still seems sorrowfully reflective +over the strange ways of the nation she so nobly served. + +The Oregon campaign of 1906 was the carrying out of one of Miss +Anthony's dearest wishes, and we who loved her set about this work soon +after her death. In the autumn preceding her passing, headquarters had +been established in Oregon, and Miss Laura Gregg had been placed in +charge, with Miss Gale Laughlin as her associate. As the money for this +effort was raised by the National Association, it was decided, after +some discussion, to let the National Association develop the work in +Oregon, which was admittedly a hard state to carry and full of possible +difficulties which soon became actual ones. + +As a beginning, the Legislature had failed to submit an amendment; but +as the initiative and referendum was the law in Oregon, the amendment +was submitted through initiative patent. The task of securing the +necessary signatures was not an easy one, but at last a sufficient +number of signatures were secured and verified, and the authorities +issued the necessary proclamation for the vote, which was to take place +at a special election held on the 5th of June. Our campaign work had +been carried on as extensively as possible, but the distances were great +and the workers few, and as a result of the strain upon her Miss Gregg's +health soon failed alarmingly. + +All this was happening during Miss Anthony's last illness, and it added +greatly to our anxieties. + +She instructed me to go to Oregon immediately after her death and to +take her sister Mary and her niece Lucy with me, and we followed these +orders within a week of her funeral, arriving in Portland on the third +day of April. I had attempted too much, however, and I proved it +by fainting as I got off the train, to the horror of the friendly +delegation waiting to receive us. The Portland women took very tender +care of me, and in a few days I was ready for work, but we found +conditions even worse than we had expected. Miss Gregg had collapsed +utterly and was unable to give us any information as to what had been +done or planned, and we had to make a new foundation. Miss Laura Clay, +who had been in the Portland work for a few weeks, proved a tower of +strength, and we were soon aided further by Ida Porter Boyer, who came +on to take charge of the publicity department. During the final six +weeks of the campaign Alice Stone Blackwell, of Boston, was also with +us, while Kate Gordon took under her special charge the organization of +the city of Portland and the parlor-meeting work. Miss Clay went into the +state, where Emma Smith DeVoe and other speakers were also working, and +I spent my time between the office headquarters and "the road," often +working at my desk until it was time to rush off and take a train for +some town where I was to hold a night meeting. Miss Mary and Miss Lucy +Anthony confined themselves to office-work in the Portland headquarters, +where they gave us very valuable assistance. I have always believed that +we would have carried Oregon that year if the disaster of the California +earthquake had not occurred to divert the minds of Western men from +interest in anything save that great catastrophe. + +On election day it seemed as if the heavens had opened to pour floods +upon us. Never before or since have I seen such incessant, relentless +rain. Nevertheless, the women of Portland turned out in force, led by +Mrs. Sarah Evans, president of the Oregon State Federation of Women's +Clubs, while all day long Dr. Pohl took me in her automobile from +one polling-place to another. At each we found representative women +patiently enduring the drenching rain while they tried to persuade men +to vote for us. We distributed sandwiches, courage, and inspiration +among them, and tried to cheer in the same way the women watchers, whose +appointment we had secured that year for the first time. Two women had +been admitted to every polling-place--but the way in which we had been +able to secure their presence throws a high-light on the difficulties we +were meeting. We had to persuade men candidates to select these women as +watchers; and the only men who allowed themselves to be persuaded +were those running on minority tickets and hopeless of election--the +prohibitionists, the socialists, and the candidates of the labor party. + +The result of the election taught us several things. We had been told +that all the prohibitionists and socialists would vote for us. Instead, +we discovered that the percentage of votes for woman suffrage was about +the same in every party, and that whenever the voter had cast a straight +vote, without independence enough to "scratch" his ticket, that vote was +usually against us. On the other hand, when the ticket was "scratched" +the vote was usually in our favor, whatever political party the man +belonged to. + +Another interesting discovery was that the early morning vote was +favorable to our Cause the vote cast by working-men on their way to +their employment. During the middle of the forenoon and afternoon, when +the idle class was at the polls, the vote ran against us. The late vote, +cast as men were returning from their work, was again largely in our +favor--and we drew some conclusions from this. + +Also, for the first time in the history of any campaign, the +anti-suffragists had organized against us. Portland held a small body of +women with antisuffrage sentiments, and there were others in the state +who formed themselves into an anti-suffrage society and carried on +a more or less active warfare. In this campaign, for the first time, +obscene cards directed against the suffragists were circulated at the +polls; and while I certainly do not accuse the Oregon anti-suffragists +of circulating them, it is a fact that the cards were distributed as +coming from the anti-suffragists--undoubtedly by some vicious element +among the men which had its own good reason for opposing us. The "antis" +also suffered in this campaign from the "pernicious activity" of their +spokesman--a lawyer with an unenviable reputation. After the campaign +was over this man declared that it had cost the opponents of our measure +$300,000. + +In 1907 Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont began to show an interest in suffrage +work, and through the influence of several leaders in the movement, +notably that of Mrs. Ida Husted Harper, she decided to assist in the +establishment of national headquarters in the State of New York. For a +long time the association's headquarters had been in Warren, Ohio, the +home of Mrs. Harriet Taylor Upton, then national treasurer, and it was +felt that their removal to a larger city would have a great influence +in developing the work. In 1909 Mrs. Belmont attended as a delegate +the meeting of the International Suffrage Alliance in London, and +her interest in the Cause deepened. She became convinced that the +headquarters of the association should be in New York City, and at +our Seattle convention that same year I presented to the delegates her +generous offer to pay the rent and maintain a press department for two +years, on condition that our national headquarters were established in +New York. + +This proposition was most gratefully accepted, and we promptly secured +headquarters in one of the most desirable buildings on Fifth Avenue. +The wisdom of the change was demonstrated at once by the extraordinary +growth of the work. During our last year in Warren, for example, the +proceeds from the sale of our literature were between $1,200 and $1,300. +During the first year in New York our returns from such sales were +between $13,000 and $14,000, and an equal growth was evident in our +other departments. + +At the end of two years Mrs. Belmont ceased to support the press +department or to pay the rent, but her timely aid had put us on our +feet, and we were able to continue our splendid progress and to meet our +expenses. + +The special event of 1908 was the successful completion of the fund +President M. Carey Thomas of Bryn Mawr and Miss Mary Garrett had +promised in 1906 to raise for the Cause. For some time after Miss +Anthony's death nothing more was said of this, but I knew those two +indefatigable friends were not idle, and "Aunt Susan" had died in the +blessed conviction that their success was certain. In 1907 I received a +letter from Miss Thomas telling me that the project was progressing; and +later she sent an outline of her plan, which was to ask a certain number +of wealthy persons to give five hundred dollars a year each for a term +of years. In all, a fund of $60,000 was to be raised, of which we were +to have $12,000 a year for five years; $4,500 of the $12,000 was to be +paid in salaries to three active officers, and the remaining $7,500 +was to go toward the work of the association. The entire fund was to be +raised by May 1, 1908, she added, or the plan would be dropped. + +I was on a lecture tour in Ohio in April, 1908, when one night, as I was +starting for the hall where the lecture was to be given, my telephone +bell rang. "Long distance wants you," the operator said, and the +next minute a voice I recognized as that of Miss Thomas was offering +congratulations. "The last dollar of the $60,000," she added, "was +pledged at four o'clock this afternoon." + +I was so overcome by the news that I dropped the receiver and shook in +a violent nervous attack, and this trembling continued throughout my +lecture. It had not seemed possible that such a burden could be lifted +from my shoulders; $7,500 a year would greatly aid our work, and $4,500 +a year, even though divided among three officers, would be a most +welcome help to each. As subsequently arranged, the salaries did not +come to us through the National Association treasury; they were paid +directly by Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett as custodians of the fund. So +it is quite correct to say that no salaries have ever been paid by the +National Association to its officers. + +Three years later, in 1911, another glorious surprise came to me in a +very innocent-looking letter. It was one of many in a heavy mail, and I +opened it absent-mindedly, for the day had been problem-filled. + +The writer stated very simply that she wished to put a large amount into +my hands to invest, to draw on, and to use for the Cause as I saw fit. +The matter was to be a secret between us, and she wished no subsequent +accounting, as she had entire faith in my ability to put the money to +the best possible use. + +The proposition rather dazed me, but I rallied my forces and replied +that I was infinitely grateful, but that the amount she mentioned was +a large one and I would much prefer to share the responsibility of +disbursing it. Could she not select one more person, at least, to +share the secret and act with me? She replied, telling me to make the +selection, if I insisted on having a confidante, and I sent her the +names of Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett, suggesting that as Miss Thomas +had done so much of the work in connection with the $60,000 fund, Miss +Garrett might be willing to accept the detail work of this fund. +My friend replied that either of these ladies would be perfectly +satisfactory to her. She knew them both, she said, and I was to arrange +the matter as I chose, as it rested wholly in my hands. + +I used this money in subsequent state campaigns, and I am very sure +that to it was largely due the winning of Arizona, Kansas, and Oregon +in 1912, and of Montana and Nevada in 1914. It enabled us for the first +time to establish headquarters, secure an office force, and engage +campaign speakers. I also spent some of it in the states we lost then +but will win later--Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan--using in all more +than fifteen thousand dollars. In September, 1913, I received another +check from the same friend, showing that she at least was satisfied with +the results we had achieved. + +"It goes to you with my love," she wrote, "and my earnest hopes for +further success--not the least of this a crowning of your faithful, +earnest, splendid work for our beloved Cause. How blessed it is that you +are our president and leader!" + +I had talked to this woman only twice in my life, and I had not seen her +for years when her first check came; so her confidence in me was an even +greater gift than her royal donation toward our Cause. + + + + +XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +The interval between the winning of Idaho and Utah in 1896 and that +of Washington in 1910 seemed very long to lovers of the Cause. We were +working as hard as ever--harder, indeed, for the opposition against us +was growing stronger as our opponents realized what triumphant woman +suffrage would mean to the underworld, the grafters, and the whited +sepulchers in public office. But in 1910 we were cheered by our +Washington victory, followed the next year by the winning of California. +Then, with our splendid banner year of 1912 came the winning of three +states--Arizona, Kansas, and Oregon--preceded by a campaign so full of +vim and interest that it must have its brief chronicle here. + +To begin, we conducted in 1912 the largest number of campaigns we +had ever undertaken, working in six states in which constitutional +amendments were pending--Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Oregon, Arizona, and +Kansas. Personally, I began my work in Ohio in August, with the modest +aspiration of speaking in each of the principal towns in every one +of these states. In Michigan I had the invaluable assistance of Mrs. +Lawrence Lewis, of Philadelphia, and I visited at this time the region +of my old home, greatly changed since the days of my girlhood, and +talked to the old friends and neighbors who had turned out in force to +welcome me. They showed their further interest in the most satisfactory +way, by carrying the amendment in their part of the state. + +At least four and five speeches a day were expected, and as usual +we traveled in every sort of conveyance, from freight-cars to eighty +horse-power French automobiles. In Eau Clair, Wisconsin, I spoke at the +races immediately after the passing of a procession of cattle. At the +end of the procession rode a woman in an ox-cart, to represent pioneer +days. She wore a calico gown and a sunbonnet, and drove her ox-team with +genuine skill; and the last touch to the picture she made was furnished +by the presence of a beautiful biplane which whirred lightly in the air +above her. The obvious comparison was too good to ignore, so I told my +hearers that their women to-day were still riding in ox-teams while +the men soared in the air, and that women's work in the world's service +could be properly done only when they too were allowed to fly. + +In Oregon we were joined by Miss Lucy Anthony. There, at Pendleton, I +spoke during the great "round up," holding the meeting at night on +the street, in which thousands of horsemen--cowboys, Indians, and +ranchmen--were riding up and down, blowing horns, shouting, and singing. +It seemed impossible to interest an audience under such conditions, but +evidently the men liked variety, for when we began to speak they quieted +down and closed around us until we had an audience that filled the +streets in every direction and as far as our voices could reach. Never +have we had more courteous or enthusiastic listeners than those wild and +happy horsemen. Best of all, they not only cheered our sentiments, +but they followed up their cheers with their votes. I spoke from an +automobile, and when I had finished one of the cowboys rode close to +me and asked for my New York address. "You will hear from me later," he +said, when he had made a note of it. In time I received a great linen +banner, on which he had made a superb pen-and-ink sketch of himself +and his horse, and in every corner sketches of scenes in the different +states where women voted, together with drawings of all the details of +cowboy equipment. Over these were drawn the words: + + WOMAN SUFFRAGE--WE ARE ALL FOR IT. + +The banner hangs to-day in the National Headquarters. + +In California Mr. Edwards presented me with the money to purchase the +diamond in Miss Anthony's flag pin representing the victory of his state +the preceding year; and in Arizona one of the highlights of the campaign +was the splendid effort of Mrs. Frances Munds, the state president, and +Mrs. Alice Park, of Palo Alto, California, who were carrying on the work +in their headquarters with tremendous courage, and, as it seemed to me, +almost unaided. Mrs. Park's specialty was the distribution of suffrage +literature, which she circulated with remarkable judgment. The Governor +of Arizona was in favor of our Cause, but there were so few active +workers available that to me, at least, the winning of the state was a +happy surprise. + +In Kansas we stole some of the prestige of Champ Clark, who was making +political speeches in the same region. At one station a brass-band and +a great gathering were waiting for Mr. Clark's train just as our train +drew in; so the local suffragists persuaded the band to play for us, +too, and I made a speech to the inspiring accompaniment of "Hail to the +Chief." The passengers on our train were greatly impressed, thinking it +was all for us; the crowd at the station were glad to be amused until +the great man came, and I was glad of the opportunity to talk to so many +representative men--so we were all happy. + +In the Soldiers' Home at Leavenworth I told the old men of the days when +my father and brothers left us in the wilderness, and my mother and I +cared for the home while they fought at the front--and I have always +believed that much of the large vote we received at Leavenworth was cast +by those old soldiers. + +No one who knows the conditions doubts that we really won Michigan that +year as well as the three other states, but strange things were done in +the count. For example, in one precinct in Detroit forty more votes were +counted against our amendment than there were voters in the district. In +other districts there were seven or eight more votes than voters. +Under these conditions it is not surprising that, after the vigorous +recounting following the first wide-spread reports of our success, +Michigan was declared lost to us. + +The campaign of 1914, in which we won Montana and Nevada, deserves +special mention here. I must express also my regret that as this book +will be on the presses before the campaign of 1915 is ended, I cannot +include in these reminiscences the results of our work in New York and +other states. + +As a beginning of the 1914 campaign I spent a day in Chicago, on the way +to South Dakota, to take my part in a moving-picture suffrage play. It +was my first experience as an actress, and I found it a taxing one. As +a modest beginning I was ordered to make a speech in thirty-three +seconds--something of a task, as my usual time allowance for a speech is +one hour. The manager assured me, however, that a speech of thirty-three +seconds made twenty-seven feet of film--enough, he thought, to convert +even a lieutenant-governor! + +The Dakota campaigns, as usual, resolved themselves largely into feats +of physical endurance, in which I was inspired by the fine example of +the state presidents--Mrs. John Pyle of South Dakota and Mrs. Clara +V. Darrow of North Dakota. Every day we made speeches from the rear +platform of the trains on which we were traveling--sometimes only two +or three, sometimes half a dozen. One day I rode one hundred miles in an +automobile and spoke in five different towns. Another day I had to make +a journey in a freight-car. It was, with a few exceptions, the roughest +traveling I had yet known, and it took me six hours to reach my +destination. While I was gathering up hair-pins and pulling myself +together to leave the car at the end of the ride I asked the conductor +how far we had traveled. + +"Forty miles," said he, tersely. + +"That means forty miles AHEAD," I murmured. "How far up and down?" + +"Oh, a hundred miles up and down," grinned the conductor, and the +exchange of persiflage cheered us both. + +Though we did not win, I have very pleasant memories of North Dakota, +for Mrs. Darrow accompanied me during the entire campaign, and took +every burden from my shoulders so efficiently that I had nothing to do +but make speeches. + +In Montana our most interesting day was that of the State Fair, which +ended with a suffrage parade that I was invited to lead. On this +occasion the suffragists wished me to wear my cap and gown and my +doctor's hood, but as I had not brought those garments with me, we +borrowed and I proudly wore the cap and gown of the Unitarian minister. +It was a small but really beautiful parade, and all the costumes for it +were designed by the state president, Miss Jeannette Rankin, to whose +fine work, by the way, combined with the work of her friends, the +winning of Montana was largely due. + +In Butte the big strike was on, and the town was under martial law. A +large banquet was given us there, and when we drove up to the club-house +where this festivity was to be held we were stopped by two armed guards +who confronted us with stern faces and fixed bayonets. The situation +seemed so absurd that I burst into happy laughter, and thus deeply +offended the earnest young guards who were grasping the fixed bayonets. +This sad memory was wiped out, however, by the interest of the +banquet--a very delightful affair, attended by the mayor of Butte and +other local dignitaries. + +In Nevada the most interesting feature of the campaign was the splendid +work of the women. In each of the little towns there was the same spirit +of ceaseless activity and determination. The president of the State +Association, Miss Anne Martin, who was at the head of the campaign work, +accompanied me one Sunday when we drove seventy miles in a motor and +spoke four times, and she was also my companion in a wonderful journey +over the mountains. Miss Martin was a tireless and worthy leader of the +fine workers in her state. + +In Missouri, under the direction of Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, and in +Nebraska, where Mrs. E. Draper Smith was managing the campaign, we +had some inspiring meetings. At Lincoln Mrs. William Jennings Bryan +introduced me to the biggest audience of the year, and the programme +took on a special interest from the fact that it included Mrs. Bryan's +debut as a speaker for suffrage. She is a tall and attractive woman with +an extremely pleasant voice, and she made an admirable speech--clear, +terse, and much to the point, putting herself on record as a strong +supporter of the woman-suffrage movement. There was also an amusing +aftermath of this occasion, which Secretary Bryan himself confided to +me several months later when I met him in Atlantic City. He assured me, +with the deep sincerity he assumes so well, that for five nights after +my speech in Lincoln his wife had kept him awake listening to her report +of it--and he added, solemnly, that he now knew it "by heart." + +A less pleasing memory of Nebraska is that I lost my voice there and my +activities were sadly interrupted. But I was taken to the home of Mr. +and Mrs. Francis A. Brogan, of Omaha, and supplied with a trained nurse, +a throat specialist, and such care and comfort that I really enjoyed the +enforced rest--knowing, too, that the campaign committee was carrying on +our work with great enthusiasm. + +In Missouri one of our most significant meetings was in Bowling Green, +the home of Champ Clark, Speaker of the House. Mrs. Clark gave a +reception, made a speech, and introduced me at the meeting, as Mrs. +Bryan had done in Lincoln. She is one of the brightest memories of +my Missouri experience, for, with few exceptions, she is the most +entertaining woman I have ever met. Subsequently we had an all-day motor +journey together, during which Mrs. Clark rarely stopped talking and I +even more rarely stopped laughing. + + + + +XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +From 1887 to 1914 we had a suffrage convention every year, and I +attended each of them. In preceding chapters I have mentioned various +convention episodes of more or less importance. Now, looking back +over them all as I near the end of these reminiscences, I recall a few +additional incidents which had a bearing on later events. There was, +for example, the much-discussed attack on suffrage during the Atlanta +convention of 1895, by a prominent clergyman of that city whose name I +mercifully withhold. On the Sunday preceding our arrival this gentleman +preached a sermon warning every one to keep away from our meetings, as +our effort was not to secure the franchise for women, but to encourage +the intermarriage of the black and white races. Incidentally he declared +that the suffragists were trying to break up the homes of America +and degrade the morals of women, and that we were all infidels and +blasphemers. He ended with a personal attack on me, saying that on the +previous Sunday I had preached in the Epworth Memorial Methodist Church +of Cleveland, Ohio, a sermon which was of so blasphemous a nature that +nothing could purify the church after it except to burn it down. + +As usual at our conventions, I had been announced to preach the sermon +at our Sunday conference, and I need hardly point out that the reverend +gentleman's charge created a deep public interest in this effort. I +had already selected a text, but I immediately changed my plans and +announced that I would repeat the sermon I had delivered in Cleveland +and which the Atlanta minister considered so blasphemous. The +announcement brought out an audience which filled the Opera House and +called for a squad of police officers to keep in order the street crowd +that could not secure entrance. The assemblage had naturally expected +that I would make some reply to the clergyman's attack, but I made no +reference whatever to him. I merely repeated, with emphasis, the sermon +I had delivered in Cleveland. + +At the conclusion of the service one of the trustees of my reverend +critic's church came and apologized for his pastor. He had a high regard +for him, the trustee said, but in this instance there could be no doubt +in the mind of any one who had heard both sermons that of the two mine +was the tolerant, the reverent, and the Christian one. The attack made +many friends for us, first because of its injustice, and next because of +the good-humored tolerance with which the suffragists accepted it. + +The Atlanta convention, by the way, was arranged and largely financed by +the Misses Howard--three sisters living in Columbus, Georgia, and each +an officer of the Georgia Woman Suffrage Association. It is a remarkable +fact that in many of our Southern states the suffrage movement has been +led by three sisters. In Kentucky the three Clay sisters were for many +years leaders in the work. In Texas the three Finnegan sisters did +splendid work; in Louisiana the Gordon sisters were our stanchest +allies, while in Virginia we had the invaluable aid of Mary Johnston, +the novelist, and her two sisters. We used to say, laughingly, if there +was a failure to organize any state in the South, that it must be due to +the fact that no family there had three sisters to start the movement. + +From the Atlanta convention we went directly to Washington to attend +the convention of the National Council of Women, and on the first day of +this council Frederick Douglass came to the meeting. Mr. Douglass had a +special place in the hearts of suffragists, for the reason that at the +first convention ever held for woman suffrage in the United States (at +Seneca Falls, New York) he was the only person present who stood by +Elizabeth Cady Stanton when she presented her resolution in favor of +votes for women. Even Lucretia Mott was startled by this radical step, +and privately breathed into the ear of her friend, "Elizabeth, thee is +making us ridiculous!" Frederick Douglass, however, took the floor in +defense of Mrs. Stanton's motion, a service we suffragists never forgot. + +Therefore, when the presiding officer of the council, Mrs. May Wright +Sewall, saw Mr. Douglass enter the convention hall in Washington on this +particular morning, she appointed Susan B. Anthony and me a committee to +escort him to a seat on the platform, which we gladly did. Mr. Douglass +made a short speech and then left the building, going directly to his +home. There, on entering his hall, he had an attack of heart failure +and dropped dead as he was removing his overcoat. His death cast a gloom +over the convention, and his funeral, which took place three days +later, was attended by many prominent men and women who were among the +delegates. Miss Anthony and I were invited to take part in the funeral +services, and she made a short address, while I offered a prayer. + +The event had an aftermath in Atlanta, for it led our clerical enemy +to repeat his charges against us, and to offer the funeral of Frederick +Douglass as proof that we were hand in glove with the negro race. + +Under the gracious direction of Miss Kate Gordon and the Louisiana Woman +Suffrage Association, we held an especially inspiring convention in +New Orleans in 1903. In no previous convention were arrangements +more perfect, and certainly nowhere else did the men of a community +co-operate more generously with the women in entertaining us. A club of +men paid the rent of our hall, chartered a steamboat and gave us a ride +on the Mississippi, and in many other ways helped to make the occasion +a success. Miss Gordon, who was chairman of the programme committee, +introduced the innovation of putting me before the audience for twenty +minutes every evening, at the close of the regular session, as a target +for questions. Those present were privileged to ask any questions they +pleased, and I answered them--if I could. + +We were all conscious of the dangers attending a discussion of the negro +question, and it was understood among the Northern women that we must +take every precaution to avoid being led into such discussion. It had +not been easy to persuade Miss Anthony of the wisdom of this course; her +way was to face issues squarely and out in the open. But she agreed that +we must respect the convictions of the Southern men and women who were +entertaining us so hospitably. + +On the opening night, as I took my place to answer questions, almost the +first slip passed up bore these words: + + +What is your purpose in bringing your convention to the South? Is it the +desire of suffragists to force upon us the social equality of black and +white women? Political equality lays the foundation for social equality. +If you give the ballot to women, won't you make the black and white +woman equal politically and therefore lay the foundation for a future +claim of social equality? + + +I laid the paper on one side and did not answer the question. The second +night it came to me again, put in the same words, and again I ignored +it. The third night it came with this addition: + +Evidently you do not dare to answer this question. Therefore our +conclusion is that this is your purpose. + + +When I had read this I went to the front of the platform. + +"Here," I said, "is a question which has been asked me on three +successive nights. I have not answered it because we Northern women had +decided not to enter into any discussion of the race question. But now I +am told by the writer of this note that we dare not answer it. I wish +to say that we dare to answer it if you dare to have it answered--and I +leave it to you to decide whether I shall answer it or not." + +I read the question aloud. Then the audience called for the answer, and +I gave it in these words, quoted as accurately as I can remember them: + +"If political equality is the basis of social equality, and if by +granting political equality you lay the foundation for a claim of social +equality, I can only answer that you have already laid that claim. You +did not wait for woman suffrage, but disfranchised both your black and +your white women, thus making them politically equal. But you have done +more than that. You have put the ballot into the hands of your black +men, thus making them the political superiors of your white women. +Never before in the history of the world have men made former slaves the +political masters of their former mistresses!" + +The point went home and it went deep. I drove it in a little further. + +"The women of the South are not alone," I said, "in their humiliation. +All the women of America share it with them. There is no other nation in +the world in which women hold the position of political degradation our +American women hold to-day. German women are governed by German men; +French women are governed by French men. But in these United States +American women are governed by every race of men under the light of the +sun. There is not a color from white to black, from red to yellow, there +is not a nation from pole to pole, that does not send its contingent to +govern American women. If American men are willing to leave their women +in a position as degrading as this they need not be surprised when +American women resolve to lift themselves out of it." + +For a full moment after I had finished there was absolute silence in +the audience. We did not know what would happen. Then, suddenly, as the +truth of the statement struck them, the men began to applaud--and the +danger of that situation was over. + +Another episode had its part in driving the suffrage lesson home to +Southern women. The Legislature had passed a bill permitting tax-paying +women to vote at any election where special taxes were to be imposed for +improvements, and the first election following the passage of this bill +was one in New Orleans, in which the question of better drainage for +the city was before the public. Miss Gordon and the suffrage association +known as the Era Club entered enthusiastically into the fight for +good drainage. According to the law women could vote by proxy if they +preferred, instead of in person, so Miss Gordon drove to the homes of +the old conservative Creole families and other families whose women +were unwilling to vote in public, and she collected their proxies while +incidentally she showed them what position they held under the law. + +With each proxy it was necessary to have the signature of a witness, but +according to the Louisiana law no woman could witness a legal document. +Miss Gordon was driven from place to place by her colored coachman, and +after she had secured the proxy of her temporary hostess it was usually +discovered that there was no man around the place to act as a witness. +This was Miss Gordon's opportunity. With a smile of great sweetness she +would say, "I will have Sam come in and help us out"; and the colored +coachman would get down from his box, and by scrawling his signature on +the proxy of the aristocratic lady he would give it the legal value it +lacked. In this way Miss Gordon secured three hundred proxies, and three +hundred very conservative women had an opportunity to compare their +legal standing with Sam's. The drainage bill was carried and interest in +woman suffrage developed steadily. + +The special incident of the Buffalo convention of 1908 was the receipt +of a note which was passed up to me as I sat on the platform. When I +opened it a check dropped out--a check so large that I was sure it had +been sent by mistake. However, after asking one or two friends on the +platform if I had read it correctly, I announced to the audience that if +a certain amount were subscribed immediately I would reveal a secret--a +very interesting secret. Audiences are as curious as individuals. The +amount was at once subscribed. Then I held up a check for $10,000, given +for our campaign work by Mrs. George Howard Lewis, in memory of Susan B. +Anthony, and I read to the audience the charming letter that accompanied +it. The money was used during the campaigns of the following year--part +of it in Washington, where an amendment was already submitted. + +In a previous chapter I have described the establishment of our New York +headquarters as a result of the generous offer of Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont +at the Seattle convention in 1909. During our first year in these +beautiful Fifth Avenue rooms Mrs. Pankhurst made her first visit to +America, and we gave her a reception there. This, however, was before +the adoption of the destructive methods which have since marked the +activities of the band of militant suffragists of which Mrs. Pankhurst +is president. There has never been any sympathy among American +suffragists for the militant suffrage movement in England, and +personally I am wholly opposed to it. I do not believe in war in any +form; and if violence on the part of men is undesirable in achieving +their ends, it is much more so on the part of women; for women never +appear to less advantage than in physical combats with men. As for +militancy in America, no generation that attempted it could win. No +victory could come to us in any state where militant methods were tried. +They are undignified, unworthy--in other words, un-American. + +The Washington convention of 1910 was graced by the presence of +President Taft, who, at the invitation of Mrs. Rachel Foster Avery, +made an address. It was understood, of course, that he was to come +out strongly for woman suffrage; but, to our great disappointment, the +President, a most charming and likable gentleman, seemed unable to grasp +the significance of the occasion. He began his address with fulsome +praise of women, which was accepted in respectful silence. Then he got +round to woman suffrage, floundered helplessly, became confused, and +ended with the most unfortunately chosen words he could have uttered: "I +am opposed," he said, "to the extension of suffrage to women not fitted +to vote. You would hardly expect to put the ballot into the hands of +barbarians or savages in the jungle!" + +The dropping of these remarkable words into a suffrage convention was +naturally followed by an oppressive silence, which Mr. Taft, now wholly +bereft of his self-possession, broke by saying that the best women would +not vote and the worst women would. + +In his audience were many women from suffrage states--high-minded women, +wives and mothers, who had voted for Mr. Taft. The remarks to which +they had just listened must have seemed to them a poor return. Some one +hissed--some man, some woman--no one knows which except the culprit--and +a demonstration started which I immediately silenced. Then the President +finished his address. He was very gracious to us when he left, shaking +hands with many of us, and being especially cordial to Senator Owens's +aged mother, who had come to the convention to hear him make his maiden +speech on woman suffrage. I have often wondered what he thought of that +speech as he drove back to the White House. Probably he regretted as +earnestly as we did that he had made it. + +In 1912, at an official board meeting at Bryn Mawr, Mrs. Stanley +McCormack was appointed to fill a vacancy on the National Board. +Subsequently she contributed $6,000 toward the payment of debts incident +to our temporary connection with the Woman's Journal of Boston, and +did much efficient work for us, To me, personally, the entrance of +Mrs. Stanley McCormack into our work has been a source of the deepest +gratification and comfort. I can truly say of her what Susan B. Anthony +said of me, "She is my right bower." At Nashville, in 1914, she was +elected first vice-president, and to a remarkable degree she has since +relieved me of the burden of the technical work of the presidency, +including the oversight of the work at headquarters. To this she gives +all her time, aided by an executive secretary who takes charge of the +routine work of the association. She has thus made it possible for me +to give the greater part of my time to the field in which such inspiring +opportunities still confront us--campaign work in the various states. + +To Mrs. Medill McCormack also we are indebted for most admirable work +and enthusiastic support. At the Washington (D.C.) convention in 1913 +she was made the chairman of the Congressional Committee, with Mrs. +Antoinette Funk, Mrs. Helen Gardner of Washington, and Mrs. Booth of +Chicago as her assistants. The results they achieved were so brilliant +that they were unanimously re-elected to the same positions this year, +with the addition of Miss Jeannette Rankin, whose energy and service had +helped to win for us the state of Montana. + +It was largely due to the work of this Congressional Committee, +supported by the large number of states which had been won for suffrage, +that we secured such an excellent vote in the Lower House of Congress +on the bill to amend the national Constitution granting suffrage to the +women of the United States. This measure, known as the Susan B. Anthony +bill, had been introduced into every Congress for forty-three years by +the National Woman Suffrage Association. In 1914, for the first time, +it was brought out of committee, debated, and voted upon in the Lower +House. We received 174 votes in favor of it to 204 against it. The +previous spring, in the same Congress, the same bill passed the Senate +by 35 votes for it to 33 votes against it. + +The most interesting features of the Washington convention of 1913 were +the labor mass-meetings led by Jane Addams and the hearing before the +Rules Committee of the Lower House of Congress--the latter the first +hearing ever held before this Committee for the purpose of securing a +Committee on Suffrage in the Lower House to correspond with a similar +committee in the Senate. For many years we had had hearings before the +Judiciary Committee of the Lower House, which was such a busy committee +that it had neither time nor interest to give to our measure. We +therefore considered it necessary to have a special committee of +our own. The hearing began on the morning of Wednesday, the third of +December, and lasted for two hours. Then the anti-suffragists were given +time, and their hearing began the following day, continued throughout +that day and during the morning of the next day, when our National +Association was given an opportunity for rebuttal argument in the +afternoon. It was the longest hearing in the history of the suffrage +movement, and one of the most important. + +During the session of Congress in 1914 another strenuous effort was made +to secure the appointment of a special suffrage committee in the Lower +House. But when success began to loom large before us the Democrats were +called in caucus by the minority leader, Mr. Underwood, of Alabama, and +they downed our measure by a vote of 127 against it to 58 for it. This +was evidently done by the Democrats because of the fear that the united +votes of Republican and Progressive members, with those of certain +Democratic members, would carry the measure; whereas if this caucus were +called, and an unfavorable vote taken, "the gentlemen's agreement" which +controls Democratic party action in Congress would force Democrats in +favor of suffrage to vote against the appointment of the committee, +which of course would insure its defeat. + +The caucus blocked the appointment of the committee, but it gave great +encouragement to the suffragists of the country, for they knew it to be +a tacit admission that the measure would receive a favorable vote if it +came before Congress unhampered. + +Another feature of the 1913 convention was the new method of electing +officers, by which a primary vote was taken on nominations, and +afterward a regular ballot was cast; one officer was added to the +members of the official board, making nine instead of eight, the former +number. The new officers elected were Mrs. Breckenridge of Kentucky, +the great-granddaughter of Henry Clay, and Mrs. Catherine Ruutz-Rees +of Greenwich, Connecticut. The old officers were re-elected--Miss Jane +Addams as first vice-president, Mrs. Breckenridge and Mrs. Ruutz-Rees +as second and third vice-presidents, Mrs. Mary Ware Dennett as +corresponding secretary, Mrs. Susan Fitzgerald as recording secretary, +Mrs. Stanley McCormack as treasurer, Mrs. Joseph Bowen of Chicago and +Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw of New York City as auditors. + +It would be difficult to secure a group of women of more marked +ability, or better-known workers in various lines of philanthropic and +educational work, than the members composing this admirable board. At +the convention of 1914, held in Nashville, several of them resigned, and +at present (in 1914) the "National's" affairs are in the hands of this +inspiring group, again headed by the much-criticized and chastened +writer of these reminiscences: + + Mrs. Stanley McCormack, first vice-president. + Mrs. Desha Breckenridge, second vice-president. + Dr. Katharine B. Davis, third vice-president. + Mrs. Henry Wade Rogers, treasurer. + Mrs. John Clark, corresponding secretary. + Mrs. Susan Walker Fitzgerald, recording secretary. + Mrs. Medill McCormack, } + } Auditors + Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, of Missouri } + + +In a book of this size, and covering the details of my own life as well +as the development of the great Cause, it is, of course, impossible +to mention by name each woman who has worked for us--though, indeed, +I would like to make a roll of honor and give them all their due. In +looking back I am surprised to see how little I have said about many +women with whom I have worked most closely--Rachel Foster Avery, for +example, with whom I lived happily for several years; Ida Husted Harper, +the historian of the suffrage movement and the biographer of Miss +Anthony, with whom I made many delightful voyages to Europe; Alice Stone +Blackwell, Rev. Mary Saffard, Jane Addams, Katharine Waugh McCullough, +Ella Stewart, Mrs. Mary Wood Swift, Mrs. Mary S. Sperry, Mary Cogshall, +Florence Kelly, Mrs. Ogden Mills Reid and Mrs. Norman Whitehouse (to +mention only two of the younger "live wires" in our New York work), +Sophonisba Breckenridge, Mrs. Clara B. Arthur, Rev. Caroline Bartlett +Crane, Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw, Mrs. Raymond Brown, the splendidly +executive president of our New York State Suffrage Association, and my +benefactress, Mrs. George Howard Lewis of Buffalo. To all of them, +and to thousands of others, I make my grateful acknowledgment of +indebtedness for friendship and for help. + + + + +XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES + +I have said much of the interest attending the international meetings +held in Chicago, London, Berlin, and Stockholm. That I have said less +about those in Copenhagen, Geneva, The Hague, Budapest, and other +cities does not mean that these were less important, and certainly the +wonderful women leaders of Europe who made them so brilliant must not be +passed over in silence. + +First, however, the difference between the Suffrage Alliance meetings +and the International Council meetings should be explained. The Council +meetings are made up of societies from the various nations which are +auxiliary to the International Council--these societies representing all +lines of women's activities, whether educational, industrial, or +social, while the membership, including more than eleven million women, +represents probably the largest organization of women in the world. +The International Suffrage Alliance represents the suffrage interest +primarily, whereas the International Council has only a suffrage +department. So popular did this International Alliance become after +its formation in Berlin by Mrs. Catt, in 1904, that at the Copenhagen +meeting, only three years later, more than sixteen different nations +were represented by regular delegates. + +It was unfortunate, therefore, that I chose this occasion to make a +spectacular personal failure in the pulpit. I had been invited to +preach the convention sermon, and for the first time in my life I had an +interpreter. Few experiences, I believe, can be more unpleasant than to +stand up in a pulpit, utter a remark, and then wait patiently while it +is repeated in a tongue one does not understand, by a man who is +putting its gist in his own words and quite possibly giving it his own +interpretative twist. I was very unhappy, and I fear I showed it, for I +felt, as I looked at the faces of those friends who understood Danish, +that they were not getting what I was giving them. Nor were they, for +I afterward learned that the interpreter, a good orthodox brother, had +given the sermon an ultra-orthodox bias which those who knew my creed +certainly did not recognize. The whole experience greatly disheartened +me, but no doubt it was good for my soul. + +During the Copenhagen meeting we were given a banquet by the City +Council, and in the course of his speech of welcome one of the city +fathers airily remarked that he hoped on our next visit to Copenhagen +there would be women members in the Council to receive us. At the time +this seemed merely a pleasant jest, but two years from that day a bill +was enacted by Parliament granting municipal suffrage to the women of +Denmark, and seven women were elected to the City Council of Copenhagen. +So rapidly does the woman suffrage movement grow in these inspiring +days! + +Recalling the International Council of 1899 in London, one of my most +vivid pictures has Queen Victoria for its central figure. The English +court was in mourning at the time and no public audiences were being +held; but we were invited to Windsor with the understanding that, +although the Queen could not formally receive us, she would pass +through our lines, receiving Lady Aberdeen and giving the rest of us +an opportunity to courtesy and obtain Her Majesty's recognition of the +Cause. The Queen arranged with her chamberlain that we should be given +tea and a collation; but before this refreshment was served, indeed +immediately after our arrival, she entered her familiar little pony-cart +and was driven slowly along lines of bowing women who must have looked +like a wheat-field in a high wind. + +Among us was a group of Indian women, and these, dressed in their native +costumes, contributed a picturesque bit of brilliant color to the scene +as they deeply salaamed. They arrested the eye of the Queen, who stopped +and spoke a few cordial words to them. This gave the rest of us an +excellent opportunity to observe her closely, and I admit that my +English blood stirred in me suddenly and loyally as I studied the plump +little figure. She was dressed entirely and very simply in black, with a +quaint flat black hat and a black cape. The only bit of color about her +was a black-and-white parasol with a gold handle. It was, however, her +face which held me, for it gave me a wholly different impression of the +Queen from those I had received from her photographs. Her pictured eyes +were always rather cold, and her pictured face rather haughty; but there +was a very sweet and winning softness in the eyes she turned upon the +Indian women, and her whole expression was unexpectedly gentle and +benignant. Behind her, as a personal attendant, strode an enormous +East-Indian in full native costume, and closely surrounding her were +gentlemen of her household, each in uniform. + +By this time my thoughts were on my courtesy, which I desired to make +conventional if not graceful; but nature has not made it easy for me to +double to the earth as Lady Aberdeen and the Indian women were doing, +and I fear I accomplished little save an exhibition of good intentions. +The Queen, however, was getting into the spirit of the occasion. She +stopped to speak to a Canadian representative, and she would, I think, +have ended by talking to many others; but, just at the psychological +moment, a woman rushed out of the line, seized Her Majesty's hand +and kissed it--and Victoria, startled and possibly fearing a general +onslaught, hurriedly passed on. + +Another picture I recall was made by the Duchess of Sutherland, the +Countess of Aberdeen, and the Countess of Warwick standing together to +receive us at the foot of the marble stairway in Sutherland House. All +of them literally blazed with jewels, and the Countess of Aberdeen wore +the famous Aberdeen emerald. At Lady Battersea's reception I had my +first memorial meeting with Mary Anderson Navarro, and was able to thank +her for the pleasure she had given me in Boston so long ago. Then I +reproached her mildly for taking herself away from us, pointing out that +a great gift had been given her which she should have continued to share +with the world. + +"Come and see my baby," laughed Madame Navarro. "That's the best +argument I can offer to refute yours." + +At the same reception I had an interesting talk with James Bryce. He had +recently written his American Commonwealth, and I had just read it. It +was, therefore, the first subject I introduced in our conversation. Mr. +Bryce's comment amused me. He told me he had quite changed his opinion +toward the suffrage aspirations of women, because so many women had read +his book that he really believed they were intelligent, and he had come +to feel much more kindly toward them. These were not his exact words, +but his meaning was unmistakable and his mental attitude artlessly +sincere. And, on reflection, I agree with him that the American +Commonwealth is something of an intellectual hurdle for the average +human mind. + +In 1908 the International Council was held in Geneva, and here, for +the first time, we were shown, as entertainment, the dances of a +country--the scene being an especially brilliant one, as all the dancers +wore their native costumes. Also, for the first time in the history of +Geneva, the buildings of Parliament were opened to women and a woman's +organization was given the key to the city. At that time the Swiss women +were making their fight for a vote in church matters, and we helped +their cause as much as we could. To-day many Swiss women are permitted +to exercise this right--the first political privilege free Switzerland +has given them. + +The International Alliance meeting in Amsterdam in 1909 was the largest +held up to that time, and much of its success was due to Dr. Aletta +Jacobs, the president of the National Suffrage Association of Holland. +Dr. Jacobs had some wonderful helpers among the women of her country, +and she herself was an ideal leader--patient, enthusiastic, and +tireless. That year the governments of Australia, Norway, and Finland +paid the expenses of the delegates from those countries--a heartening +innovation. One of the interesting features of the meeting was a cantata +composed for the occasion and given by the Queen's Royal Band, under +the direction of a woman--Catharine van Rennes, one of the most +distinguished composers and teachers in Holland. She wrote both words +and music of her cantata and directed it admirably; and the musicians +of the Queen's Band entered fully into its spirit and played like +men inspired. That night we had more music, as well as a +never-to-be-forgotten exhibition of folk-dancing. + +The same year, in June, we held the meeting of the International +Council in Toronto, and, as Canada has never been eagerly interested in +suffrage, an unsuccessful effort was made to exclude this subject from +the programme. I was asked to preside at the suffrage meetings on the +artless and obvious theory that I would thus be kept too busy to say +much. I had hoped that the Countess of Aberdeen, who was the president +of the International Council, would take the chair; but she declined +to do this, or even to speak, as the Earl of Aberdeen had recently +been appointed Viceroy of Ireland, and she desired to spare him any +embarrassment which might be caused by her public activities. We +recognized the wisdom of her decision, but, of course, regretted it; +and I was therefore especially pleased when, on suffrage night, the +countess, accompanied by her aides in their brilliant uniforms, entered +the hall. We had not been sure that she would be with us, but she +entered in her usual charming and gracious manner, took a seat beside +me on the platform, and showed a deep interest in the programme and the +great gathering before us. + +As the meeting went on I saw that she was growing more and more +enthusiastic, and toward the end of the evening I quietly asked her if +she did not wish to say a few words. She said she would say a very few. +I had put myself at the end of the programme, intending to talk +about twenty minutes; but before beginning my speech I introduced the +countess, and by this time she was so enthusiastic that, to my great +delight, she used up my twenty minutes in a capital speech in which +she came out vigorously for woman suffrage. It gave us the best and +timeliest help we could have had, and was a great impetus to the +movement. + +In London, at the Alliance Council of 1911, we were entertained for +the first time by a suffrage organization of men, and by the organized +actresses of the nation, as well as by the authors. + +In Stockholm, the following year, we listened to several of the most +interesting women speakers in the world--Selma Lagerlof, who had just +received the Nobel prize, Rosica Schwimmer of Hungary, Dr. Augsburg +of Munich, and Mrs. Philip Snowden of England. Miss Schwimmer and Mrs. +Snowden have since become familiar to American audiences, but until that +time I had not heard either of them, and I was immensely impressed by +their ability and their different methods--Miss Schwimmer being all +force and fire, alive from her feet to her finger-tips, Mrs. Snowden all +quiet reserve and dignity. Dr. Augsburg wore her hair short and dressed +in a most eccentric manner; but we forgot her appearance as we listened +to her, for she was an inspired speaker. + +Selma Lagerlof's speech made the great audience weep. Men as well +as women openly wiped their eyes as she described the sacrifice and +suffering of Swedish women whose men had gone to America to make a home +there, and who, when they were left behind, struggled alone, waiting +and hoping for the message to join their husbands, which too often never +came. The speech made so great an impression that we had it translated +and distributed among the Swedes of the United States wherever we held +meetings in Swedish localities. + +Miss Lagerlof interested me extremely, and I was delighted by an +invitation to breakfast with her one morning. At our first meeting she +had seemed rather cold and shy--a little "difficult," as we say; but +when we began to talk I found her frank, cordial, and full of magnetism. +She is self-conscious about her English, but really speaks our language +very well. Her great interest at the time was in improving the condition +of the peasants near her home. She talked of this work and of her books +and of the Council programme with such friendly intimacy that when we +parted I felt that I had always known her. + +At the Hague Council in 1913 I was the guest of Mrs. Richard Halter, to +whom I am also indebted for a beautiful and wonderful motor journey from +end to end of Holland, bringing up finally in Amsterdam at the home of +Dr. Aletta Jacobs. Here we met two young Holland women, Miss Boissevain +and Rosa Manus, both wealthy, both anxious to help their countrywomen, +but still a little uncertain as to the direction of their efforts. They +came to Mrs. Catt and me and asked our advice as to what they should +do, with the result that later they organized and put through, largely +unaided, a national exposition showing the development of women's work +from 1813 to 1913. The suffrage-room at this exposition showed the +progress of suffrage in all parts of the world; but when the Queen of +Holland visited the building she expressed a wish not to be detained in +this room, as she was not interested in suffrage. The Prince Consort, +however, spent much time in it, and wanted the whole suffrage movement +explained to him, which was done cheerfully and thoroughly by Miss +Boissevain and Miss Manus. The following winter, when the Queen read her +address from the throne, she expressed an interest in so changing the +Constitution of Holland that suffrage might possibly be extended to +women. We felt that this change of heart was due to the suffrage-room +arranged by our two young friends--aided, probably, by a few words from +the Prince Consort! + +Immediately after these days at Amsterdam we started for Budapest to +attend the International Alliance Convention there, and incidentally we +indulged in a series of two-day conventions en route--one at Berlin, +one at Dresden, one at Prague, and one at Vienna. At Prague I disgraced +myself by being in my hotel room in a sleep of utter exhaustion at the +hour when I was supposed to be responding to an address of welcome by +the mayor; and the high-light of the evening session in that city falls +on the intellectual brow of a Bohemian lady who insisted on making her +address in the Czech language, which she poured forth for exactly one +hour and fifteen minutes. I began my address at a quarter of twelve and +left the hall at midnight. Later I learned that the last speaker began +her remarks at a quarter past one in the morning. + +It may be in order to add here that Vienna did for me what Berlin had +done for Susan B. Anthony--it gave me the ovation of my life. At the +conclusion of my speech the great audience rose and, still standing, +cheered for many minutes. I was immensely surprised and deeply +touched by the unexpected tribute; but any undue elation I might have +experienced was checked by the memory of the skeptical snort with which +one of my auditors had received me. He was very German, and very, very +frank. After one pained look at me he rose to leave the hall. + +"THAT old woman!" he exclaimed. "She cannot make herself heard." + +He was half-way down the aisle when the opening words of my address +caught up with him and stopped him. Whatever their meaning may have +been, it was at least carried to the far ends of that great hall, for +the old fellow had piqued me a bit and I had given my voice its fullest +volume. He crowded into an already over-occupied pew and stared at me +with goggling eyes. + +"Mein Gott!" he gasped. "Mein Gott, she could be heard ANYWHERE." + +The meeting at Budapest was a great personal triumph for Mrs. Catt. No +one, I am sure, but the almost adored president of the International +Suffrage Alliance could have controlled a convention made up of women +of so many different nationalities, with so many different viewpoints, +while the confusion of languages made a general understanding seem +almost hopeless. But it was a great success in every way--and a +delightful feature of it was the hospitality of the city officials and, +indeed, of the whole Hungarian people. After the convention I spent +a week with the Contessa Iska Teleki in her chateau in the Tatra +Mountains, and a friendship was there formed which ever since has been +a joy to me. Together we walked miles over the mountains and along +the banks of wonderful streams, while the countess, who knows all the +folk-lore of her land, told me stories and answered my innumerable +questions. When I left for Vienna I took with me a basket of tiny +fir-trees from the tops of the Tatras; and after carrying the basket to +and around Vienna, Florence, and Genoa, I finally got the trees home +in good condition and proudly added them to the "Forest of Arden" on my +place at Moylan. + + + + +XVII. VALE! + +In looking back over the ten years of my administration as president +of the National American Woman Suffrage Association, there can be no +feeling but gratitude and elation over the growth of the work. Our +membership has grown from 17,000 women to more than 200,000, and the +number of auxiliary societies has increased in proportion. + +Instead of the old-time experience of one campaign in ten years, we +now have from five to ten campaigns each year. From an original yearly +expenditure of $14,000 or $15,000 in our campaign work, we now expend +from $40,000 to $50,000. In New York, in 1915, we have already received +pledges of $150,000 for the New York State campaign alone, while +Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and New Jersey have made pledges in +proportion. + +In 1906 full suffrage prevailed in four states; we now have it in +twelve. Our movement has advanced from its academic stage until it +has become a vital political factor; no reform in the country is more +heralded by the press or receives more attention from the public. It has +become an issue which engages the attention of the entire nation--and +toward this result every woman working for the Cause has contributed to +an inspiring degree. Splendid team-work, and that alone, has made +our present success possible and our eventual triumph in every state +inevitable. Every officer in our organization, every leader in our +campaigns, every speaker, every worker in the ranks, however humble, has +done her share. + +I do not claim anything so fantastic and Utopian as universal harmony +among us. We have had our troubles and our differences. I have had mine. +At every annual convention since the one at Washington in 1910 there has +been an effort to depose me from the presidency. There have been some +splendid fighters among my opponents--fine and high-minded women who +sincerely believe that at sixty-eight I am getting too old for my big +job. Possibly I am. Certainly I shall resign it with alacrity when the +majority of women in the organization wish me to do so. At present a +large majority proves annually that it still has faith in my leadership, +and with this assurance I am content to work on. + +Looking back over the period covered by these reminiscences, I realize +that there is truth in the grave charge that I am no longer young; and +this truth was once voiced by one of my little nieces in a way that +brought it strongly home to me. She and her small sister of six had +declared themselves suffragettes, and as the first result of their +conversion to the Cause both had been laughed at by their schoolmates. +The younger child came home after this tragic experience, weeping +bitterly and declaring that she did not wish to be a suffragette any +more--an exhibition of apostasy for which her wise sister of eight took +her roundly to task. + +"Aren't you ashamed of yourself," she demanded, "to stop just because +you have been laughed at once? Look at Aunt Anna! SHE has been laughed +at for hundreds of years!" + +I sometimes feel that it has indeed been hundreds of years since my work +began; and then again it seems so brief a time that, by listening for +a moment, I fancy I can hear the echo of my childish-voice preaching to +the trees in the Michigan woods. + +But long or short, the one sure thing is that, taking it all in all, the +struggles, the discouragements, the failures, and the little victories, +the fight has been, as Susan B. Anthony said in her last hours, "worth +while." Nothing bigger can come to a human being than to love a great +Cause more than life itself, and to have the privilege throughout life +of working for that Cause. + +As for life's other gifts, I have had some of them, too. I have made +many friendships; I have looked upon the beauty of many lands; I have +the assurance of the respect and affection of thousands of men and women +I have never even met. Though I have given all I had, I have received a +thousand times more than I have given. Neither the world nor my Cause is +indebted to me but from the depths of a full and very grateful heart I +acknowledge my lasting indebtedness to them both. + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Story of a Pioneer, by Anna Howard Shaw + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STORY OF A PIONEER *** + +***** This file should be named 354.txt or 354.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/354/ + +Produced by Mike Lough + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + +donated by Caere Corporation, 1-800-535-7226. +Contact Mike Lough <Mikel@caere.com> + + +THE STORY OF +A PIONEER + +BY +ANNA HOWARD SHAW, D.D., M.D. + +WITH THE COLLABORATION OF +ELIZABETH JORDAN + + + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER +---- + + +TO +THE WOMEN PIONEERS +OF AMERICA + + They cut a path through tangled underwood + Of old traditions, out to broader ways. + They lived to here their work called brave and good, + But oh! the thorns before the crown of bays. + The world gives lashes to its Pioneers + Until the goal is reached--then deafening cheers. + Adapted by ANNA HOWARD SHAW. + + +CONTENTS + + +I. FIRST MEMORIES + +II. IN THE WILDERNESS + +III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES + +VII. THE GREAT CAUSE + +VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE FIELD + +IX. ``AUNT SUSAN'' + +X. THE PASSING OF ``AUNT SUSAN'' + +XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +XII. BUILDING A HOME + +XIII. PRESIDENT OF ``THE NATIONAL'' + +XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES + +XVII. VALE! + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW IN HER PULPIT ROBES + +LOCH-AN-EILAN CASTLE + +DR SHAW'S MOTHER, NICOLAS SHAW, AT SEVENTEEN + +ALNWICK CASTLE + +DR. SHAW AT THIRTY-TWO + +DR. SHAW AT FIFTY + +DR. SHAW AND ``HER BABY''--THE DAUGHTER OF RACHEL FOSTER AVERY + +DR. SHAW'S MOTHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S FATHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S SISTER MARY, WHO DIED IN 1883 + +LUCY E. ANTHONY, DR. SHAW S FRIEND AND ``AUNT SUSAN'S'' + FAVORITE NIECE + +THE WOOD ROAD NEAR DR. SHAW'S CAPE COD HOME, THE HAVEN + +DR. SHAW'S COTTAGE, THE HAVEN, AT WIANNO, CAPE + COD--THE FIRST HOME SHE BUILT + +GATE ENTRANCE TO DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +THE SECOND HOUSE THAT DR. SHAW BUILT + +SUSAN B. ANTHONY + +MISS MARY GARRETT, THE LIFE-LONG FRIEND OF MISS THOMAS + +MISS M. CAREY THOMAS, PRESIDENT OF BRYN MAWR COLLEGE + +ELIZABETH CADY STANTON + +CARRIE CHAPMAN CATT + +LUCY STONE + +MARY A. LIVERMORE + +FOUR PIONEERS IN THE SUFFRAGE MOVEMENT + +FIREPLACE IN THE LIVING-ROOM, SHOWING AUNT + SUSAN'S'' CHAIR + +HALLWAY IN DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +DR. SHAW'S HOME (ALNWICK LODGE) AND HER TWO OAKS + +THE VERANDA AT ALNWICK LODGE + +SACCAWAGEA + +ALNWICK LODGE, DR. SHAW'S HOME + +THE ROCK-BORDERED BROOK WHICH DR. SHAW LOVES + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER + +FIRST MEMORIES + +My father's ancestors were the Shaws of +Rothiemurchus, in Scotland, and the ruins +of their castle may still be seen on the island of +Loch-an-Eilan, in the northern Highlands. It was +never the picturesque castle of song and story, this +home of the fighting Shaws, but an austere fortress, +probably built in Roman times; and even to-day +the crumbling walls which alone are left of it show +traces of the relentless assaults upon them. Of +these the last and the most successful were made +in the seventeenth century by the Grants and +Rob Roy; and it was into the hands of the Grants +that the Shaw fortress finally fell, about 1700, after +almost a hundred years of ceaseless warfare. + +It gives me no pleasure to read the grisly details +of their struggles, but I confess to a certain satisfac- +tion in the knowledge that my ancestors made a +good showing in the defense of what was theirs. +Beyond doubt they were brave fighters and strong +men. There were other sides to their natures, +however, which the high lights of history throw up +less appealingly. As an instance, we have in the +family chronicles the blood-stained page of Allen +Shaw, the oldest son of the last Lady Shaw who +lived in the fortress. It appears that when the +father of this young man died, about 1560, his +mother married again, to the intense disapproval +of her son. For some time after the marriage he +made no open revolt against the new-comer in the +domestic circle; but finally, on the pretext that +his dog had been attacked by his stepfather, he +forced a quarrel with the older man and the two +fought a duel with swords, after which the vic- +torious Allen showed a sad lack of chivalry. He +not only killed his stepfather, but he cut off that +gentleman's head and bore it to his mother in her bed- +chamber--an action which was considered, even in +that tolerant age, to be carrying filial resentment +too far. + +Probably Allen regretted it. Certainly he paid +a high penalty for it, and his clan suffered with him. +He was outlawed and fled, only to be hunted down +for months, and finally captured and executed by +one of the Grants, who, in further virtuous disap- +proval of Allen's act, seized and held the Shaw +stronghold. The other Shaws of the clan fought +long and ably for its recovery, but though they were +helped by their kinsmen, the Mackintoshes, and +though good Scotch blood dyed the gray walls of +the fortress for many generations, the castle never +again came into the hands of the Shaws. It still +entails certain obligations for the Grants, however, +and one of these is to give the King of England a +snowball whenever he visits Loch-an-Eilan! + +As the years passed the Shaw clan scattered. +Many Shaws are still to be found in the Mackintosh +country and throughout southern Scotland. Others +went to England, and it was from this latter branch +that my father sprang. His name was Thomas +Shaw, and he was the younger son of a gentleman--a +word which in those days seemed to define a man +who devoted his time largely to gambling and horse- +racing. My grandfather, like his father before him, +was true to the traditions of his time and class. +Quite naturally and simply he squandered all he had, +and died abruptly, leaving his wife and two sons +penniless. They were not, however, a helpless band. +They, too, had their traditions, handed down by +the fighting Shaws. Peter, the older son, became a +soldier, and died bravely in the Crimean War. My +father, through some outside influence, turned his +attention to trade, learning to stain and emboss wall- +paper by hand, and developing this work until he +became the recognized expert in his field. Indeed, +he progressed until he himself checked his rise by +inventing a machine that made his handwork un- +necessary. His employer at once claimed and +utilized this invention, to which, by the laws of +those days, he was entitled, and thus the corner- +stone on which my father had expected to build a +fortune proved the rock on which his career was +wrecked. But that was years later, in America, and +many other things had happened first. + +For one, he had temporarily dropped his trade +and gone into the flour-and-grain business; and, +for another, he had married my mother. She was +the daughter of a Scotch couple who had come to +England and settled in Alnwick, in Northumberland +County. Her father, James Stott, was the driver +of the royal-mail stage between Alnwick and New- +castle, and his accidental death while he was still a +young man left my grandmother and her eight +children almost destitute. She was immediately +given a position in the castle of the Duke of Nor- +thumberland, and her sons were educated in the +duke's school, while her daughters were entered in +the school of the duchess. + +My thoughts dwell lovingly on this grandmother, +Nicolas Grant Stott, for she was a remarkable +woman, with a dauntless soul and progressive ideas +far in advance of her time. She was one of the first +Unitarians in England, and years before any thought +of woman suffrage entered the minds of her country- +women she refused to pay tithes to the support of +the Church of England--an action which precipitated +a long-drawn-out conflict between her and the law. +In those days it was customary to assess tithes on +every pane of glass in a window, and a portion of the +money thus collected went to the support of the +Church. Year after year my intrepid grandmother +refused to pay these assessments, and year after +year she sat pensively upon her door-step, watching +articles of her furniture being sold for money to pay +her tithes. It must have been an impressive picture, +and it was one with which the community became +thoroughly familiar, as the determined old lady +never won her fight and never abandoned it. She +had at least the comfort of public sympathy, for she +was by far the most popular woman in the country- +side. Her neighbors admired her courage; perhaps +they appreciated still more what she did for them, +for she spent all her leisure in the homes of the very +poor, mending their clothing and teaching them to +sew. Also, she left behind her a path of cleanliness +as definite as the line of foam that follows a ship; +for it soon became known among her protegees that +Nicolas Stott was as much opposed to dirt as she +was to the payment of tithes. + +She kept her children in the schools of the duke and +duchess until they had completed the entire course +open to them. A hundred times, and among many +new scenes and strange people, I have heard my +mother describe her own experiences as a pupil. +All the children of the dependents of the castle were +expected to leave school at fourteen years of age. +During their course they were not allowed to study +geography, because, in the sage opinion of their elders, +knowledge of foreign lands might make them dis- +contented and inclined to wander. Neither was com- +position encouraged--that might lead to the writing +of love-notes! But they were permitted to absorb +all the reading and arithmetic their little brains +could hold, while the art of sewing was not only +encouraged, but proficiency in it was stimulated by +the award of prizes. My mother, being a rather pre- +cocious young person, graduated at thirteen and +carried off the first prize. The garment she made +was a linen chemise for the duchess, and the little +needlewoman had embroidered on it, with her own +hair, the august lady's coat of arms. The offering +must have been appreciated, for my mother's story +always ended with the same words, uttered with the +same air of gentle pride, ``And the duchess gave me +with her own hands my Bible and my mug of beer!'' +She never saw anything amusing in this association +of gifts, and I always stood behind her when she told +the incident, that she might not see the disrespectful +mirth it aroused in me. + +My father and mother met in Alnwick, and were +married in February, 1835. Ten years after his +marriage father was forced into bankruptcy by the +passage of the corn law, and to meet the obliga- +tions attending his failure he and my mother +sold practically everything they possessed--their +home, even their furniture. Their little sons, who +were away at school, were brought home, and +the family expenses were cut down to the barest +margin; but all these sacrifices paid only part of the +debts. My mother, finding that her early gift had +a market value, took in sewing. Father went to +work on a small salary, and both my parents saved +every penny they could lay aside, with the desperate +determination to pay their remaining debts. It was a +long struggle and a painful one, but they finally won +it. Before they had done so, however, and during their +bleakest days, their baby died, and my mother, like +her mother before her, paid the penalty of being +outside the fold of the Church of England. She, +too, was a Unitarian, and her baby, therefore, could +not be laid in any consecrated burial-ground in her +neighborhood. She had either to bury it in the +Potter's Field, with criminals, suicides, and paupers, +or to take it by stage-coach to Alnwick, twenty +miles away, and leave it in the little Unitarian church- +yard where, after her strenuous life, Nicolas Stott +now lay in peace. She made the dreary journey +alone, with the dear burden across her lap. + +In 1846, my parents went to London. There +they did not linger long, for the big, indifferent city +had nothing to offer them. They moved to New- +castle-on-Tyne, and here I was born, on the four- +teenth day of February, in 1847. Three boys and +two girls had preceded me in the family circle, and +when I was two years old my younger sister came. +We were little better off in Newcastle than in +London, and now my father began to dream the +great dream of those days. He would go to America. +Surely, he felt, in that land of infinite promise all +would be well with him and his. He waited for the +final payment of his debts and for my younger +sister's birth. Then he bade us good-by and sailed +away to make an American home for us; and in +the spring of 1851 my mother followed him with her +six children, starting from Liverpool in a sailing- +vessel, the John Jacob Westervelt. + +I was then little more than four years old, and the +first vivid memory I have is that of being on ship- +board and having a mighty wave roll over me. I was +lying on what seemed to be an enormous red box +under a hatchway, and the water poured from above, +almost drowning me. This was the beginning of a +storm which raged for days, and I still have of it a +confused memory, a sort of nightmare, in which +strange horrors figure, and which to this day haunts +me at intervals when I am on the sea. The thing +that stands out most strongly during that period is +the white face of my mother, ill in her berth. We +were with five hundred emigrants on the lowest +deck of the ship but one, and as the storm grew +wilder an unreasoning terror filled our fellow-pas- +sengers. Too ill to protect her helpless brood, my +mother saw us carried away from her for hours at a +time, on the crests of waves of panic that sometimes +approached her and sometimes receded, as they +swept through the black hole in which we found our- +selves when the hatches were nailed down. No mad- +house, I am sure, could throw more hideous pictures +on the screen of life than those which met our childish +eyes during the appalling three days of the storm. +Our one comfort was the knowledge that our mother +was not afraid. She was desperately ill, but when +we were able to reach her, to cling close to her for a +blessed interval, she was still the sure refuge she had +always been. + +On the second day the masts went down, and on +the third day the disabled ship, which now had +sprung a leak and was rolling helplessly in the +trough of the sea, was rescued by another ship and +towed back to Queenstown, the nearest port. The +passengers, relieved of their anxieties, went from +their extreme of fear to an equal extreme of drunken +celebration. They laughed, sang, and danced, but +when we reached the shore many of them returned +to the homes they had left, declaring that they had +had enough of the ocean. We, however, remained +on the ship until she was repaired, and then sailed +on her again. We were too poor to return home; +indeed, we had no home to which we could return. +We were even too poor to live ashore. But we made +some penny excursions in the little boats that plied +back and forth, and to us children at least the weeks +of waiting were not without interest. Among other +places we visited Spike Island, where the convicts +were, and for hours we watched the dreary shuttle +of labor swing back and forth as the convicts car- +ried pails of water from one side of the island, only +to empty them into the sea at the other side. It +was merely ``busy work,'' to keep them occupied +at hard labor; but even then I must have felt some +dim sense of the irony of it, for I have remembered +it vividly all these years. + +Our second voyage on the John Jacob Westervelt +was a very different experience from the first. By +day a glorious sun shone overhead; by night we had +the moon and stars, as well as the racing waves we +never wearied of watching. For some reason, prob- +ably because of my intense admiration for them, +which I showed with unmaidenly frankness, I be- +came the special pet of the sailors. They taught me +to sing their songs as they hauled on their ropes, +and I recall, as if I had learned it yesterday, one +pleasing ditty: + Haul on the bow-line, + Kitty is my darling, + Haul on the bow-line, + The bow-line--HAUL! + +When I sang ``haul'' all the sailors pulled their +hardest, and I had an exhilarating sense of sharing +in their labors. As a return for my service of song +the men kept my little apron full of ship sugar-- +very black stuff and probably very bad for me; but +I ate an astonishing amount of it during that voy- +age, and, so far as I remember, felt no ill effects. + +The next thing I recall is being seriously scalded. +I was at the foot of a ladder up which a sailor was +carrying a great pot of hot coffee. He slipped, and +the boiling liquid poured down on me. I must +have had some bad days after that, for I was ter- +ribly burned, but they are mercifully vague. My +next vivid impression is of seeing land, which we +sighted at sunset, and I remember very distinctly +just how it looked. It has never looked the same +since. The western sky was a mass of crimson and +gold clouds, which took on the shapes of strange and +beautiful things. To me it seemed that we were +entering heaven. I remember also the doctors com- +ing on board to examine us, and I can still see a line +of big Irishmen standing very straight and holding +out their tongues for inspection. To a little girl +only four years old their huge, open mouths looked +appalling. + +On landing a grievous disappointment awaited +us; my father did not meet us. He was in New +Bedford, Massachusetts, nursing his grief and pre- +paring to return to England, for he had been told +that the John Jacob Westervelt had been lost at sea +with every soul on board. One of the missionaries +who met the ship took us under his wing and con- +ducted us to a little hotel, where we remained +until father had received his incredible news and +rushed to New York. He could hardly believe that +we were really restored to him; and even now, +through the mists of more than half a century, I can +still see the expression in his wet eyes as he picked +me up and tossed me into the air. + +I can see, too, the toys he brought me--a little +saw and a hatchet, which became the dearest treas- +ures of my childish days. They were fatidical +gifts, that saw and hatchet; in the years ahead of +me I was to use tools as well as my brothers did, +as I proved when I helped to build our frontier +home. + +We went to New Bedford with father, who had +found work there at his old trade; and here I laid +the foundations of my first childhood friendship, +not with another child, but with my next-door +neighbor, a ship-builder. Morning after morning +this man swung me on his big shoulder and took me +to his shipyard, where my hatchet and saw had vio- +lent exercise as I imitated the workers around me. +Discovering that my tiny petticoats were in my way, +my new friend had a little boy's suit made for me; +and thus emancipated, at this tender age, I worked +unwearyingly at his side all day long and day after +day. No doubt it was due to him that I did not +casually saw off a few of my toes and fingers. Cer- +tainly I smashed them often enough with blows of +my dull but active hatchet. I was very, very busy; +and I have always maintained that I began to earn +my share of the family's living at the age of five-- +for in return for the delights of my society, which +seemed never to pall upon him, my new friend al- +lowed my brothers to carry home from the ship- +yard all the wood my mother could use. + +We remained in New Bedford less than a year, +for in the spring of 1852 my father made another +change, taking his family to Lawrence, Massa- +chusetts, where we lived until 1859. The years in +Lawrence were interesting and formative ones. At +the tender age of nine and ten I became interested +in the Abolition movement. We were Unitarians, +and General Oliver and many of the prominent citi- +zens of Lawrence belonged to the Unitarian Church. +We knew Robert Shaw, who led the first negro regi- +ment, and Judge Storrow, one of the leading New +England judges of his time, as well as the Cabots +and George A. Walton, who was the author of +Walton's Arithmetic and head of the Lawrence +schools. Outbursts of war talk thrilled me, and +occasionally I had a little adventure of my own, as +when one day, in visiting our cellar, I heard a noise +in the coal-bin. I investigated and discovered a +negro woman concealed there. I had been reading +Uncle Tom's Cabin, as well as listening to the +conversation of my elders, so I was vastly stirred +over the negro question. I raced up-stairs in a +condition of awe-struck and quivering excitement, +which my mother promptly suppressed by sending +me to bed. No doubt she questioned my youthful +discretion, for she almost convinced me that I had +seen nothing at all--almost, but not quite; and she +wisely kept me close to her for several days, until +the escaped slave my father was hiding was safely +out of the house and away. Discovery of this seri- +ous offense might have borne grave results for him. + +It was in Lawrence, too, that I received and spent +my first twenty-five cents. I used an entire day in +doing this, and the occasion was one of the most +delightful and memorable of my life. It was the +Fourth of July, and I was dressed in white and rode +in a procession. My sister Mary, who also graced +the procession, had also been given twenty-five +cents; and during the parade, when, for obvious +reasons, we were unable to break ranks and spend +our wealth, the consciousness of it lay heavily upon +us. When we finally began our shopping the first +place we visited was a candy store, and I recall dis- +tinctly that we forced the weary proprietor to take +down and show us every jar in the place before we +spent one penny. The first banana I ever ate was +purchased that day, and I hesitated over it a long +time. Its cost was five cents, and in view of that +large expenditure, the eating of the fruit, I was +afraid, would be too brief a joy. I bought it, how- +ever, and the experience developed into a tragedy, +for, not knowing enough to peel the banana, I bit +through skin and pulp alike, as if I were eating an +apple, and then burst into ears of disappointment. +The beautiful conduct of my sister Mary shines +down through the years. She, wise child, had +taken no chances with the unknown; but now, +moved by my despair, she bought half of my banana, +and we divided the fruit, the loss, and the lesson. +Fate, moreover, had another turn of the screw for +us, for, after Mary had taken a bite of it, we gave +what was left of the banana to a boy who stood near +us and who knew how to eat it; and not even the +large amount of candy in our sticky hands enabled +us to regard with calmness the subsequent happiness +of that little boy. + +Another experience with fruit in Lawrence illus- +trates the ideas of my mother and the character of +the training she gave her children. Our neighbors, +the Cabots, were one day giving a great garden party, +and my sister was helping to pick strawberries for +the occasion. When I was going home from school +I passed the berry-patches and stopped to speak to +my sister, who at once presented me with two straw- +berries. She said Mrs. Cabot had told her to eat +all she wanted, but that she would eat two less than +she wanted and give those two to me. To my +mind, the suggestion was generous and proper; in +my life strawberries were rare. I ate one berry, +and then, overcome by an ambition to be generous +also, took the other berry home to my mother, tell- +ing her how I had got it. To my chagrin, mother +was deeply shocked. She told me that the trans- +action was all wrong, and she made me take back +the berry and explain the matter to Mrs. Cabot. +By the time I reached that generous lady the berry +was the worse for its journey, and so was I. I was +only nine years old and very sensitive. It was clear +to me that I could hardly live through the humilia- +tion of the confession, and it was indeed a bitter +experience the worst, I think, in my young life, +though Mrs. Cabot was both sympathetic and +understanding. She kissed me, and sent a quart +of strawberries to my mother; but for a long time +afterward I could not meet her kind eyes, for I be- +lieved that in her heart she thought me a thief. + +My second friendship, and one which had a strong +influence on my after-life, was formed in Lawrence. +I was not more than ten years old when I met this +new friend, but the memory of her in after-years, +and the impression she had made on my susceptible +young mind, led me first into the ministry, next into +medicine, and finally into suffrage-work. Living +next door to us, on Prospect Hill, was a beautiful +and mysterious woman. All we children knew of +her was that she was a vivid and romantic figure, +who seemed to have no friends and of whom our +elders spoke in whispers or not at all. To me she +was a princess in a fairy-tale, for she rode a white +horse and wore a blue velvet riding-habit with a +blue velvet hat and a picturesquely drooping white +plume. I soon learned at what hours she went +forth to ride, and I used to hover around our gate +for the joy of seeing her mount and gallop away. +I realized that there was something unusual about +her house, and I had an idea that the prince was +waiting for her somewhere in the far distance, and +that for the time at least she had escaped the ogre +in the castle she left behind. I was wrong about +the prince, but right about the ogre. It was only +when my unhappy lady left her castle that she was +free. + +Very soon she noticed me. Possibly she saw the +adoration in my childish eyes. She began to nod +and smile at me, and then to speak to me, but at +first I was almost afraid to answer her. There were +stories now among the children that the house was +haunted, and that by night a ghost walked there and +in the grounds. I felt an extraordinary interest in +the ghost, and I spent hours peering through our +picket fence, trying to catch a glimpse of it; but I +hesitated to be on terms of neighborly intimacy with +one who dwelt with ghosts. + +One day the mysterious lady bent and kissed me. +Then, straightening up, she looked at me queerly +and said: ``Go and tell your mother I did that.'' +There was something very compelling in her manner. +I knew at once that I must tell my mother what she +had done, and I ran into our house and did so. +While my mother was considering the problem the +situation presented, for she knew the character of +the house next door, a note was handed in to her-- +a very pathetic little note from my mysterious lady, +asking my mother to let me come and see her. Long +afterward mother showed it to me. It ended with +the words: ``She will see no one but me. No harm +shall come to her. Trust me.'' + +That night my parents talked the matter over and +decided to let me go. Probably they felt that the +slave next door was as much to be pitied as the es- +caped-negro slaves they so often harbored in our +home. I made my visit, which was the first of many, +and a strange friendship began and developed be- +tween the woman of the town and the little girl she +loved. Some of those visits I remember as vividly +as if I had made them yesterday. There was never +the slightest suggestion during any of them of things +I should not see or hear, for while I was with her +my hostess became a child again, and we played +together like children. She had wonderful toys for +me, and pictures and books; but the thing I loved +best of all and played with for hours was a little +stuffed hen which she told me had been her dearest +treasure when she was a child at home. She had +also a stuffed puppy, and she once mentioned that +those two things alone were left of her life as +a little girl. Besides the toys and books and pic- +tures, she gave me ice-cream and cake, and told me +fairy-tales. She had a wonderful understanding of +what a child likes. There were half a dozen women +in the house with her, but I saw none of them nor +any of the men who came. + +Once, when we had become very good friends +indeed and my early shyness had departed, I +found courage to ask her where the ghost was-- +the ghost that haunted her house. I can still see +the look in her eyes as they met mine. She told +me the ghost lived in her heart, and that she did +not like to talk about it, and that we must not +speak of it again. After that I never mentioned it, +but I was more deeply interested than ever, for a +ghost that lived in a heart was a new kind of ghost +to me at that time, though I have met many of +them since then. During all our intercourse my +mother never entered the house next door, nor did +my mysterious lady enter our home; but she con- +stantly sent my mother secret gifts for the poor and +the sick of the neighborhood, and she was always +the first to offer help for those who were in trouble. +Many years afterward mother told me she was the +most generous woman she had ever known, and +that she had a rarely beautiful nature. Our depart- +ure for Michigan broke up the friendship, but I have +never forgotten her; and whenever, in my later +work as minister, physician, and suffragist, I have +been able to help women of the class to which she +belonged, I have mentally offered that help for credit +in the tragic ledger of her life, in which the clean and +the blotted pages were so strange a contrast. + +One more incident of Lawrence I must describe +before I leave that city behind me, as we left it for +ever in 1859. While we were still there a number of +Lawrence men decided to go West, and amid great +public excitement they departed in a body for Kansas, +where they founded the town of Lawrence in that +state. I recall distinctly the public interest which +attended their going, and the feeling every one +seemed to have that they were passing forever out +of the civilized world. Their farewells to their +friends were eternal; no one expected to see them +again, and my small brain grew dizzy as I tried to +imagine a place so remote as their destination. It +was, I finally decided, at the uttermost ends of the +earth, and it seemed quite possible that the brave +adventurers who reached it might then drop off into +space. Fifty years later I was talking to a Cali- +fornia girl who complained lightly of the monotony +of a climate where the sun shone and the flowers +bloomed all the year around. ``But I had a de- +lightful change last year,'' she added, with anima- +tion. ``I went East for the winter.'' + +``To New York?'' I asked. + +``No,'' corrected the California girl, easily, ``to +Lawrence, Kansas.'' + +Nothing, I think, has ever made me feel quite so +old as that remark. That in my life, not yet, to me +at least, a long one, I should see such an arc de- +scribed seemed actually oppressive until I realized +that, after all, the arc was merely a rainbow of time +showing how gloriously realized were the hopes of +the Lawrence pioneers. + +The move to Michigan meant a complete up- +heaval in our lives. In Lawrence we had around us +the fine flower of New England civilization. We +children went to school; our parents, though they +were in very humble circumstances, were associated +with the leading spirits and the big movements of +the day. When we went to Michigan we went to +the wilderness, to the wild pioneer life of those times, +and we were all old enough to keenly feel the change. + +My father was one of a number of Englishmen who +took up tracts in the northern forests of Michigan, +with the old dream of establishing a colony there. +None of these men had the least practical knowledge +of farming. They were city men or followers of +trades which had no connection with farm life. +They went straight into the thick timber-land, in- +stead of going to the rich and waiting prairies, and +they crowned this initial mistake by cutting down +the splendid timber instead of letting it stand. +Thus bird's-eye maple and other beautiful woods +were used as fire-wood and in the construction of +rude cabins, and the greatest asset of the pioneers +was ignored. + +Father preceded us to the Michigan woods, and +there, with his oldest son, James, took up a claim. +They cleared a space in the wilderness just large +enough for a log cabin, and put up the bare walls +of the cabin itself. Then father returned to Law- +rence and his work, leaving James behind. A few +months later (this was in 1859), my mother, my two +sisters, Eleanor and Mary, my youngest brother, +Henry, eight years of age, and I, then twelve, went +to Michigan to work on and hold down the claim +while father, for eighteen months longer, stayed on +in Lawrence, sending us such remittances as he could. +His second and third sons, John and Thomas, re- +mained in the East with him. + +Every detail of our journey through the wilder- +ness is clear in my mind. At that time the railroad +terminated at Grand Rapids, Michigan, and we +covered the remaining distance--about one hundred +miles--by wagon, riding through a dense and often +trackless forest. My brother James met us at +Grand Rapids with what, in those days, was called +a lumber-wagon, but which had a horrible resem- +blance to a vehicle from the health department. +My sisters and I gave it one cold look and turned +from it; we were so pained by its appearance that +we refused to ride in it through the town. Instead, +we started off on foot, trying to look as if we had no +association with it, and we climbed into the un- +wieldy vehicle only when the city streets were far +behind us. Every available inch of space in the +wagon was filled with bedding and provisions. As +yet we had no furniture; we were to make that for +ourselves when we reached our cabin; and there +was so little room for us to ride that we children +walked by turns, while James, from the beginning +of the journey to its end, seven days later, led our +weary horses. + +To my mother, who was never strong, the whole +experience must have been a nightmare of suffering +and stoical endurance. For us children there were +compensations. The expedition took on the char- +acter of a high adventure, in which we sometimes +had shelter and sometimes failed to find it, some- +times were fed, but often went hungry. We forded +innumerable streams, the wheels of the heavy wagon +sinking so deeply into the stream-beds that we often +had to empty our load before we could get them out +again. Fallen trees lay across our paths, rivers +caused long detours, while again and again we lost +our way or were turned aside by impenetrable forest +tangles. + +Our first day's journey covered less than eight +miles, and that night we stopped at a farm-house +which was the last bit of civilization we saw. Early +the next morning we were off again, making the slow +progress due to the rough roads and our heavy load. +At night we stopped at a place called Thomas's +Inn, only to be told by the woman who kept it that +there was nothing in the house to eat. Her hus- +band, she said, had gone ``outside'' (to Grand +Rapids) to get some flour, and had not returned-- +but she added that we could spend the night, if +we chose, and enjoy shelter, if not food. We had +provisions in our wagon, so we wearily entered, after +my brother had got out some of our pork and +opened a barrel of flour. With this help the woman +made some biscuits, which were so green that my +poor mother could not eat them. She had admitted +to us that the one thing she had in the house was +saleratus, and she had used this ingredient with an +unsparing hand. When the meal was eaten she +broke the further news that there were no beds. + +``The old woman can sleep with me,'' she sug- +gested, ``and the girls can sleep on the floor. The +boys will have to go to the barn.'' +She and her bed were not especially attractive, +and mother decided to lie on the floor with us. We +had taken our bedding from the wagon, and we slept +very well; but though she was usually superior to +small annoyances, I think my mother resented being +called an ``old woman.'' She must have felt like +one that night, but she was only about forty-eight +years of age. + +At dawn the next morning we resumed our jour- +ney, and every day after that we were able to cover +the distance demanded by the schedule arranged +before we started. This meant that some sort of +shelter usually awaited us at night. But one day +we knew there would be no houses between the place +we left in the morning and that where we were to +sleep. The distance was about twenty miles, and +when twilight fell we had not made it. In the back +of the wagon my mother had a box of little pigs, +and during the afternoon these had broken loose and +escaped into the woods. We had lost much time in +finding them, and we were so exhausted that when +we came to a hut made of twigs and boughs we de- +cided to camp in it for the night, though we knew +nothing about it. My brother had unharnessed +the horses, and my mother and sister were cooking +dough-god--a mixture of flour, water, and soda, +fried in a pan-when two men rode up on horse- +back and called my brother to one side. Immedi- +ately after the talk which followed James harnessed +his horses again and forced us to go on, though by +that time darkness had fallen. He told mother, but +did not tell us children until long afterward, that a +man had been murdered in the hut only the night +before. The murderer was still at large in the woods, +and the new-comers were members of a posse who +were searching for him. My brother needed no +urging to put as many miles as he could between +us and the sinister spot. + +In that fashion we made our way to our new home. +The last day, like the first, we traveled only eight +miles, but we spent the night in a house I shall never +forget. It was beautifully clean, and for our eve- +ning meal its mistress brought out loaves of bread +which were the largest we had ever seen. She cut +great slices of this bread for us and spread maple +sugar on them, and it seemed to us that never be- +fore had anything tasted so good. + +The next morning we made the last stage of our +journey, our hearts filled with the joy of nearing +our new home. We all had an idea that we were +going to a farm, and we expected some resemblance +at least to the prosperous farms we had seen in New +England. My mother's mental picture was, natu- +rally, of an English farm. Possibly she had visions +of red barns and deep meadows, sunny skies and +daisies. What we found awaiting us were the four +walls and the roof of a good-sized log-house, stand- +ing in a small cleared strip of the wilderness, its doors +and windows represented by square holes, its floor +also a thing of the future, its whole effect achingly +forlorn and desolate. It was late in the afternoon +when we drove up to the opening that was its front +entrance, and I shall never forget the look my +mother turned upon the place. Without a word +she crossed its threshold, and, standing very still, +looked slowly around her. Then something within +her seemed to give way, and she sank upon the +ground. She could not realize even then, I think, +that this was really the place father had prepared +for us, that here he expected us to live. When she +finally took it in she buried her face in her hands, +and in that way she sat for hours without moving or +speaking. For the first time in her life she had for- +gotten us; and we, for our part, dared not speak to +her. We stood around her in a frightened group, +talking to one another in whispers. Our little world +had crumbled under our feet. Never before had +we seen our mother give way to despair. + +Night began to fall. The woods became alive +with night creatures, and the most harmless made +the most noise. The owls began to hoot, and soon +we heard the wildcat, whose cry--a screech like +that of a lost and panic-stricken child--is one of +the most appalling sounds of the forest. Later the +wolves added their howls to the uproar, but though +darkness came and we children whimpered around +her, our mother still sat in her strange lethargy. + +At last my brother brought the horses close to the +cabin and built fires to protect them and us. He +was only twenty, but he showed himself a man dur- +ing those early pioneer days. While he was picketing +the horses and building his protecting fires my +mother came to herself, but her face when she +raised it was worse than her silence had been. She +seemed to have died and to have returned to us +from the grave, and I am sure she felt that she had +done so. From that moment she took up again the +burden of her life, a burden she did not lay down +until she passed away; but her face never lost the +deep lines those first hours of her pioneer life had +cut upon it. + +That night we slept on boughs spread on the earth +inside the cabin walls, and we put blankets before +the holes which represented our doors and windows, +and kept our watch-fires burning. Soon the other +children fell asleep, but there was no sleep for me. +I was only twelve years old, but my mind was full of +fancies. Behind our blankets, swaying in the night +wind, I thought I saw the heads and pushing shoul- +ders of animals and heard their padded footfalls. +Later years brought familiarity with wild things, +and with worse things than they. But to-night that +which I most feared was within, not outside of, the +cabin. In some way which I did not understand +the one sure refuge in our new world had been taken +from us. I hardly knew the silent woman who lay +near me, tossing from side to side and staring into +the darkness; I felt that we had lost our mother. + + + +II + +IN THE WILDERNESS + +Like most men, my dear father should never +have married. Though his nature was one of +the sweetest I have ever known, and though he would +at any call give his time to or risk his life for others, +in practical matters he remained to the end of his +days as irresponsible as a child. If his mind turned +to practical details at all, it was solely in their bear- +ing toward great developments of the future. To +him an acorn was not an acorn, but a forest of young +oaks. + +Thus, when he took up his claim of three hundred +and sixty acres of land in the wilderness of northern +Michigan, and sent my mother and five young chil- +dren to live there alone until he could join us eighteen +months later, he gave no thought to the manner in +which we were to make the struggle and survive +the hardships before us. He had furnished us with +land and the four walls of a log cabin. Some day, +he reasoned, the place would be a fine estate, which +his sons would inherit and in the course of time pass +on to their sons--always an Englishman's most iri- +descent dream. That for the present we were one +hundred miles from a railroad, forty miles from the +nearest post-office, and half a dozen miles from any +neighbors save Indians, wolves, and wildcats; that +we were wholly unlearned in the ways of the woods +as well as in the most primitive methods of farming; +that we lacked not only every comfort, but even +the bare necessities of life; and that we must begin, +single-handed and untaught, a struggle for existence +in which some of the severest forces of nature would +be arrayed against us--these facts had no weight +in my father's mind. Even if he had witnessed my +mother's despair on the night of our arrival in our +new home, he would not have understood it. From +his viewpoint, he was doing a man's duty. He was +working steadily in Lawrence, and, incidentally, +giving much time to the Abolition cause and to +other big public movements of his day which had +his interest and sympathy. He wrote to us regu- +larly and sent us occasional remittances, as well as +a generous supply of improving literature for our +minds. It remained for us to strengthen our bodies, +to meet the conditions in which he had placed us, +and to survive if we could. + +We faced our situation with clear and unalarmed +eyes the morning after our arrival. The problem +of food, we knew, was at least temporarily solved. +We had brought with us enough coffee, pork, and +flour to last for several weeks; and the one necessity +father had put inside the cabin walls was a great +fireplace, made of mud and stones, in which our food +could be cooked. The problem of our water-supply +was less simple, but my brother James solved it for +the time by showing us a creek a long distance from +the house; and for months we carried from this +creek, in pails, every drop of water we used, save +that which we caught in troughs when the rain fell. + +We held a family council after breakfast, and in this, +though I was only twelve, I took an eager and determined +part. I loved work--it has always been my favorite form +of recreation--and my spirit rose to the opportunities of it +which smiled on us from every side. Obviously the first +thing to do was to put doors and windows into the +yawning holes father had left for them, and to lay a board +flooring over the earth inside our cabin walls, and these +duties we accomplished before we had occupied our new +home a fortnight. There was a small saw-mill nine miles +from our cabin, on the spot that is now Big Rapids, and +there we bought our lumber. The labor we supplied +ourselves, and though we put our hearts into it and the +results at the time seemed beautiful to our partial eyes, I +am forced to admit, in looking back upon them, that they +halted this side of perfection. We began by making three +windows and two doors; then, inspired by these +achievements, we ambitiously constructed an attic and +divided the ground floor with partitions, which gave us +four rooms. + +The general effect was temperamental and sketchy. +The boards which formed the floor were never even +nailed down; they were fine, wide planks without a knot in +them, and they looked so well that we merely fitted them +together as closely as we could and lightheartedly let them +go at that. Neither did we properly chink the house. +Nothing is more comfortable than a log cabin which has +been carefully built +and finished; but for some reason--probably because +there seemed always a more urgent duty calling to us +around the corner--we never plastered our house at all. +The result was that on many future winter mornings we +awoke to find ourselves chastely blanketed by snow, while +the only warm spot in our living-room was that directly in +front of the fireplace, where great logs burned all day. +Even there our faces scorched while our spines slowly +congealed, until we learned to revolve before the fire like a +bird upon a spit. No doubt we would have worked more +thoroughly if my brother James, who was twenty years +old and our tower of strength, had remained with us; but +when we had been in our new home only a few months he +fell and was forced to go East for an operation. He was +never able to return to us, and thus my mother, we three +young girls, and my youngest brother--Harry, who was +only eight years old--made our fight alone until father +came to us, more than a year later. + +Mother was practically an invalid. She had a nervous +affection which made it impossible for her to stand +without the support of a chair. But she sewed with +unusual skill, and it was due to her that our clothes, +notwithstanding the strain to which we subjected them, +were always in good condition. She sewed for hours every +day, and she was able to move about the house, after a +fashion, by pushing herself around on a stool which James +made for her as soon as we arrived. He also built for her a +more comfortable chair with a high back. + +The division of labor planned at the first council +was that mother should do our sewing, and my older +sisters, Eleanor and Mary, the housework, which +was far from taxing, for of course we lived in the +simplest manner. My brothers and I were to do +the work out of doors, an arrangement that suited +me very well, though at first, owing to our lack of +experience, our activities were somewhat curtailed. +It was too late in the season for plowing or planting, +even if we had possessed anything with which to +plow, and, moreover, our so-called ``cleared'' land +was thick with sturdy tree-stumps. Even during +the second summer plowing was impossible; we +could only plant potatoes and corn, and follow the +most primitive method in doing even this. We took +an ax, chopped up the sod, put the seed under it, +and let the seed grow. The seed did grow, too--in +the most gratifying and encouraging manner. Our +green corn and potatoes were the best I have ever +eaten. But for the present we lacked these luxuries. + +We had, however, in their place, large quantities +of wild fruit--gooseberries, raspberries, and plums +--which Harry and I gathered on the banks of our +creek. Harry also became an expert fisherman. +We had no hooks or lines, but he took wires from +our hoop-skirts and made snares at the ends of +poles. My part of this work was to stand on a log +and frighten the fish out of their holes by making +horrible sounds, which I did with impassioned +earnestness. When the fish hurried to the surface +of the water to investigate the appalling noises +they had heard, they were easily snared by our +small boy, who was very proud of his ability to +contribute in this way to the family table. + +During our first winter we lived largely on corn- +meal, making a little journey of twenty miles to the +nearest mill to buy it; but even at that we were +better off than our neighbors, for I remember one +family in our region who for an entire winter lived +solely on coarse-grained yellow turnips, gratefully +changing their diet to leeks when these came in the +spring. + +Such furniture as we had we made ourselves. In +addition to my mother's two chairs and the bunks +which took the place of beds, James made a settle +for the living-room, as well as a table and several +stools. At first we had our tree-cutting done for +us, but we soon became expert in this gentle art, +and I developed such skill that in later years, after +father came, I used to stand with him and ``heart'' +a log. + +On every side, and at every hour of the day, we +came up against the relentless limitations of pioneer +life. There was not a team of horses in our entire +region. The team with which my brother had +driven us through the wilderness had been hired +at Grand Rapids for that occasion, and, of course, +immediately returned. Our lumber was delivered +by ox-teams, and the absolutely essential purchases +we made ``outside'' (at the nearest shops, forty +miles away) were carried through the forest on the +backs of men. Our mail was delivered once a +month by a carrier who made the journey in alter- +nate stages of horseback riding and canoeing. But +we had health, youth, enthusiasm, good appetites, +and the wherewithal to satisfy them, and at night +in our primitive bunks we sank into abysses of dream- +less slumber such as I have never known since. +Indeed, looking back upon them, those first months +seem to have been a long-drawn-out and glorious +picnic, interrupted only by occasional hours of pain +or panic, when we were hurt or frightened. + +Naturally, our two greatest menaces were wild +animals and Indians, but as the days passed the first +of these lost the early terrors with which we had +associated them. We grew indifferent to the sounds +that had made our first night a horror to us all-- +there was even a certain homeliness in them--while +we regarded with accustomed, almost blase eyes the +various furred creatures of which we caught distant +glimpses as they slunk through the forest. Their +experience with other settlers had taught them cau- +tion; it soon became clear that they were as eager +to avoid us as we were to shun them, and by common +consent we gave each other ample elbow-room. +But the Indians were all around us, and every settler +had a collection of hair-raising tales to tell of them. +It was generally agreed that they were dangerous +only when they were drunk; but as they were drunk +whenever they could get whisky, and as whisky was +constantly given them in exchange for pelts and +game, there was a harrowing doubt in our minds +whenever they approached us. + +In my first encounter with them I was alone in +the woods at sunset with my small brother Harry. +We were hunting a cow James had bought, and our +young eyes were peering eagerly among the trees, +on the alert for any moving object. Suddenly, at +a little distance, and coming directly toward us, we +saw a party of Indians. There were five of them, +all men, walking in single file, as noiselessly as ghosts, +their moccasined feet causing not even a rustle +among the dry leaves that carpeted the woods. All +the horrible stories we had heard of Indian cruelty +flashed into our minds, and for a moment we were +dumb with terror. Then I remembered having been +told that the one thing one must not do before them +is to show fear. Harry was carrying a rope with +which we had expected to lead home our reluctant +cow, and I seized one end of it and whispered +to him that we would ``play horse,'' pretending he +was driving me. We pranced toward the Indians +on feet that felt like lead, and with eyes so glazed by +terror that we could see nothing save a line of moving +figures; but as we passed them they did not give +to our little impersonation of care-free children even +the tribute of a side-glance. They were, we realized, +headed straight for our home; and after a few mo- +ments we doubled on our tracks and, keeping at a +safe distance from them among the trees, ran back +to warn our mother that they were coming. + +As it happened, James was away, and mother had +to meet her unwelcome guests supported only by +her young children. She at once prepared a meal, +however, and when they arrived she welcomed them +calmly and gave them the best she had. After they +had eaten they began to point at and demand ob- +jects they fancied in the room--my brother's pipe, +some tobacco, a bowl, and such trifles--and my +mother, who was afraid to annoy them by refusal, +gave them what they asked. They were quite +sober, and though they left without expressing any +appreciation of her hospitality, they made her a +second visit a few months later, bringing a large +quantity of venison and a bag of cranberries as a +graceful return. These Indians were Ottawas; and +later we became very friendly with them and their +tribe, even to the degree of attending one of their +dances, which I shall describe later. + +Our second encounter with Indians was a less +agreeable experience. There were seven ``Mar- +quette warriors'' in the next group of callers, and +they were all intoxicated. Moreover, they had +brought with them several jugs of bad whisky-- +the raw and craze-provoking product supplied them +by the fur-dealers--and it was clear that our cabin +was to be the scene of an orgy. Fortunately, my +brother James was at home on this occasion, and +as the evening grew old and the Indians, grouped +together around the fire, became more and more ir- +responsible, he devised a plan for our safety. Our +attic was finished, and its sole entrance was by a +ladder through a trap-door. At James's whispered +command my sister Eleanor slipped up into the +attic, and from the back window let down a rope, +to which he tied all the weapons we had--his gun +and several axes. These Eleanor drew up and con- +cealed in one of the bunks. My brother then di- +rected that as quietly as possible, and at long in- +tervals, one member of the family after another was +to slip up the ladder and into the attic, going quite +casually, that the Indians might not realize what we +were doing. Once there, with the ladder drawn up +after us and the trap-door closed, we would be rea- +sonably safe, unless our guests decided to burn the +cabin. + +The evening seemed endless, and was certainly +nerve-racking. The Indians ate everything in the +house, and from my seat in a dim corner I watched +them while my sisters waited on them. I can still +see the tableau they made in the firelit room and +hear the unfamiliar accents of their speech as they +talked together. Occasionally one of them would +pull a hair from his head, seize his scalping-knife; +and cut the hair with it--a most unpleasant sight! +When either of my sisters approached them some +of the Indians would make gestures, as if capturing +and scalping her. Through it all, however, the +whisky held their close attention, and it was due to +this that we succeeded in reaching the attic unob- +served, James coming last of all and drawing the +ladder after him. Mother and the children were +then put to bed; but through that interminable +night James and Eleanor lay flat upon the floor, +watching through the cracks between the boards +the revels of the drunken Indians, which grew wild- +er with every hour that crawled toward sunrise. +There was no knowing when they would miss us +or how soon their mood might change. At any +moment they might make an attack upon us or +set fire to the cabin. By dawn, however, their +whisky was all gone, and they were in so deep a +stupor that, one after the other, the seven fell from +their chairs to the floor, where they sprawled un- +conscious. When they awoke they left quietly and +without trouble of any kind. They seemed a +strangely subdued and chastened band; probably +they were wretchedly ill after their debauch on the +adulterated whisky the traders had given them. + +That autumn the Ottawa tribe had a great corn +celebration, to which we and the other settlers were +invited. James and my older sisters attended it, +and I went with them, by my own urgent invita- +tion. It seemed to me that as I was sharing the +work and the perils of our new environment, I +might as well share its joys; and I finally succeeded +in making my family see the logic of this position. +The central feature of the festivity was a huge kettle, +many feet in circumference, into which the Indians +dropped the most extraordinary variety of food we +had ever seen combined. Deer heads went into it +whole, as well as every kind of meat and vegetable +the members of the tribe could procure. We all ate +some of this agreeable mixture, and later, with one +another, and even with the Indians, we danced gaily +to the music of a tom-tom and a drum. The affair +was extremely interesting until the whisky entered +and did its unpleasant work. When our hosts be- +gan to fall over in the dance and slumber where they +lay, and when the squaws began to show the same +ill effects of their refreshments, we unostentatiously +slipped away. + +During the winter life offered us few diversions +and many hardships. Our creek froze over, and the +water problem became a serious one, which we met +with increasing difficulty as the temperature steadily +fell. We melted snow and ice, and existed through +the frozen months, but with an amount of discom- +fort which made us unwilling to repeat at least that +special phase of our experience. In the spring, +therefore, I made a well. Long before this, James +had gone, and Harry and I were now the only out- +door members of our working-force. Harry was +still too small to help with the well; but a young +man, who had formed the neighborly habit of rid- +ing eighteen miles to call on us, gave me much +friendly aid. We located the well with a switch, +and when we had dug as far as we could reach with +our spades, my assistant descended into the hole +and threw the earth up to the edge, from which I +in turn removed it. As the well grew deeper we +made a half-way shelf, on which I stood, he throw- +ing the earth on the shelf, and I shoveling it up from +that point. Later, as he descended still farther +into the hole we were making, he shoveled the earth +into buckets and passed them up to me, I passing +them on to my sister, who was now pressed into +service. When the excavation was deep enough +we made the wall of slabs of wood, roughly joined +together. I recall that well with calm content. It was not a +thing of beauty, but it was a thoroughly practical well, and +it remained the only one we had during the twelve years +the family occupied the cabin. + +During our first year there was no school within ten +miles of us, but this lack failed to sadden Harry or me. We +had brought with us from Lawrence a box of books, in +which, in winter months, when our outdoor work was +restricted, we found much comfort. They were the only +books in that part of the country, and we read them until +we knew them all by heart. Moreover, father sent us +regularly the New York Independent, and with this +admirable literature, after reading it, we papered our walls. +Thus, on stormy days, we could lie on the settle or the +floor and read the Independent over again with increased +interest and pleasure. + +Occasionally father sent us the Ledger, but here +mother drew a definite line. She had a special dis- +like for that periodical, and her severest comment +on any woman was that she was the type who would +``keep a dog, make saleratus biscuit, and read the +New York Ledger in the daytime.'' Our modest +library also contained several histories of Greece +and Rome, which must have been good ones, for +years later, when I entered college, I passed my +examination in ancient history with no other prep- +aration than this reading. There were also a few +arithmetics and algebras, a historical novel or two, +and the inevitable copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, whose +pages I had freely moistened with my tears. + +When the advantages of public education were finally +extended to me, at thirteen, by the opening of a school +three miles from our home, I accepted them with growing +reluctance. The teacher was a spinster forty-four years of +age and the only genuine ``old maid'' I have ever met who +was not a married woman or a man. She was the real +thing, and her name, Prudence Duncan, seemed the fitting +label for her rigidly uncompromising personality. I graced +Prudence's school for three months, and then left it at her +fervid request. I had walked six miles a day through +trackless woods and Western blizzards to get what she +could give me, but she had little to offer my awakened and +critical mind. My reading and my Lawrence school-work +had already taught me more than Prudence knew--a fact +we both inwardry--admitted and fiercely resented from +our different viewpoints. Beyond doubt I was a pert and +trying young person. I lost no opportunity to lead Prudence +beyond her intellectual depth and leave her there, and +Prudence vented her chagrin not alone upon me, but upon +my little brother. I became a thorn in her side, and one +day, after an especially unpleasant episode in which Harry +also figured, she plucked me out, as it were, and cast me +for ever from her. From that time I studied at home, where +I was a much more valuable economic factor than I had +been in school. + +The second spring after our arrival Harry and I +extended our operations by tapping the sugar- +bushes, collecting all the sap, and carrying it home +in pails slung from our yoke-laden shoulders. To- +gether we made one hundred and fifty pounds of +sugar and a barrel of syrup, but here again, as al- +ways, we worked in primitive ways. To get the sap +we chopped a gash in the tree and drove in a spile. +Then we dug out a trough to catch the sap. It was +no light task to lift these troughs full of sap and +empty the sap into buckets, but we did it success- +fully, and afterward built fires and boiled it down. +By this time we had also cleared some of our ground, +and during the spring we were able to plow, dividing +the work in a way that seemed fair to us both. +These were strenuous occupations for a boy of nine +and a girl of thirteen, but, though we were not in- +ordinately good children, we never complained; we +found them very satisfactory substitutes for more +normal bucolic joys. Inevitably, we had our little +tragedies. Our cow died, and for an entire winter +we went without milk. Our coffee soon gave out, +and as a substitute we made and used a mixture of +browned peas and burnt rye. In the winter we +were always cold, and the water problem, until we +had built our well, was ever with us. + +Father joined us at the end of eighteen months, +but though his presence gave us pleasure and moral +support, he was not an addition to our executive +staff. He brought with him a rocking-chair for +mother and a new supply of books, on which I fell +as a starving man falls upon food. Father read as +eagerly as I, but much more steadily. His mind +was always busy with problems, and if, while he +was laboring in the field, a new problem presented +itself to him, the imperishable curiosity that was +in him made him scurry at once to the house to +solve it. I have known him to spend a planting +season in figuring on the production of a certain +number of kernels of corn, instead of planting the +corn and raising it. In the winter he was supposed +to spend his time clearing land for orchards and +the like, but instead he pored over his books and +problems day after day and often half the night as +well. It soon became known among our neigh- +bors, who were rapidly increasing in number, that +we had books and that father like to read aloud, +and men walked ten miles or more to spend the night +with us and listen to his reading. Often, as his +fame grew, ten or twelve men would arrive at our +cabin on Saturday and remain over Sunday. When +my mother once tried to check this influx of guests +by mildly pointing out, among other things, the +waste of candles represented by frequent all-night +readings, every man humbly appeared again on the +following Saturday with a candle in each hand. +They were not sensitive; and, as they had brought +their candles, it seemed fitting to them and to father +that we girls should cook for them and supply them +with food. + +Father's tolerance of idleness in others, however, +did not extend to tolerance of idleness in us, and +this led to my first rebellion, which occurred when +I was fourteen. For once, I had been in the woods +all day, buried in my books; and when I returned +at night, still in the dream world these books had +opened to me, father was awaiting my coming with +a brow dark with disapproval. As it happened, +mother had felt that day some special need of me, +and father reproached me bitterly for being beyond +reach--an idler who wasted time while mother +labored. He ended a long arraignment by predicting +gloomily that with such tendencies I would make +nothing of my life. + +The injustice of the criticism cut deep; I knew +I had done and was doing my share for the family, +and already, too, I had begun to feel the call of my +career. For some reason I wanted to preach--to +talk to people, to tell them things. Just why, just +what, I did not yet know--but I had begun to +preach in the silent woods, to stand up on stumps +and address the unresponsive trees, to feel the stir +of aspiration within me. + +When my father had finished all he wished to +say, I looked at him and answered, quietly, ``Father, +some day I am going to college.'' + +I can still see his slight, ironical smile. It drove +me to a second prediction. I was young enough to +measure success by material results, so I added, +recklessly: + +``And before I die I shall be worth ten thousand +dollars!'' + +The amount staggered me even as it dropped from +my lips. It was the largest fortune my imagination +could conceive, and in my heart I believed that no +woman ever had possessed or would possess so +much. So far as I knew, too, no woman had gone +to college. But now that I had put my secret hopes +into words, I was desperately determined to make +those hopes come true. After I became a wage- +earner I lost my desire to make a fortune, but the +college dream grew with the years; and though my +college career seemed as remote as the most distant +star, I hitched my little wagon to that star and never +afterward wholly lost sight of its friendly gleam. + +When I was fifteen years old I was offered a situa- +tion as school-teacher. By this time the com- +munity was growing around us with the rapidity +characteristic of these Western settlements, and we +had nearer neighbors whose children needed instruc- +tion. I passed an examination before a school- +board consisting of three nervous and self-conscious +men whose certificate I still hold, and I at once +began my professional career on the modest salary +of two dollars a week and my board. The school +was four miles from my home, so I ``boarded round'' +with the families of my pupils, staying two weeks +in each place, and often walking from three to six +miles a day to and from my little log school-house +in every kind of weather. During the first year I +had about fourteen pupils, of varying ages, sizes, +and temperaments, and there was hardly a book in +the school-room except those I owned. One little +girl, I remember, read from an almanac, while a +second used a hymn-book. + +In winter the school-house was heated by a wood- +stove, to which the teacher had to give close personal +attention. I could not depend on my pupils to +make the fires or carry in the fuel; and it was often +necessary to fetch the wood myself, sometimes for +long distances through the forest. Again and again, +after miles of walking through winter storms, I +reached the school-house with my clothing wet +through, and in these soaked garments I taught +during the day. In ``boarding round'' I often found +myself in one-room cabins, with bunks at the end +and the sole partition a sheet or a blanket, behind +which I slept with one or two of the children. It +was the custom on these occasions for the man of +the house to delicately retire to the barn while we +women got to bed, and to disappear again in the +morning while we dressed. In some places the +meals were so badly cooked that I could not eat +them, and often the only food my poor little pupils +brought to school for their noonday meal was a +piece of bread or a bit of raw pork. + +I earned my two dollars a week that year, but I +had to wait for my wages until the dog tax was col- +lected in the spring. When the money was thus +raised, and the twenty-six dollars for my thirteen +weeks of teaching were graciously put into my +hands, I went ``outside'' to the nearest shop and +joyously spent almost the entire amount for my +first ``party dress.'' The gown I bought was, I con- +sidered, a beautiful creation. In color it was a rich +magenta, and the skirt was elaborately braided with +black cable-cord. My admiration for it was justi- +fied, for it did all a young girl's eager heart could +ask of any gown--it led to my first proposal. + +The youth who sought my hand was about twenty +years old, and by an unhappy chance he was also +the least attractive young person in the country- +side--the laughing-stock of the neighbors, the butt +of his associates. The night he came to offer me +his heart there were already two young men at our +home calling on my sisters, and we were all sitting +around the fire in the living-room when my suitor +appeared. His costume, like himself, left much to +be desired. He wore a blue flannel shirt and a pair +of trousers made of flour-bags. Such trousers were +not uncommon in our region, and the boy's mother, +who had made them for him, had thoughtfully +selected a nice clean pair of sacks. But on one leg +was the name of the firm that made the flour--A. and +G. W. Green--and by a charming coincidence A. +and G. W. Green happened to be the two young +men who were calling on my sisters! On the back +of the bags, directly in the rear of the wearer, was +the simple legend, ``96 pounds''; and the striking +effect of the young man's costume was completed +by a bright yellow sash which held his trousers in +place. + +The vision fascinated my sisters and their two +guests. They gave it their entire attention, and +when the new-comer signified with an eloquent ges- +ture that he was calling on me, and beckoned me +into an inner room, the quartet arose as one person +and followed us to the door. Then, as we inhospit- +ably closed the door, they fastened their eyes to +the cracks in the living-room wall, that they might +miss none of the entertainment. When we were +alone my guest and I sat down in facing chairs and +in depressed silence. The young man was nervous, +and I was both frightened and annoyed. I had +heard suppressed giggles on the other side of the +wall, and I realized, as my self-centered visitor failed +to do, that we were not enjoying the privacy the +situation seemed to demand. At last the youth in- +formed me that his ``dad'' had just given him a +cabin, a yoke of steers, a cow, and some hens. When +this announcement had produced its full effect, he +straightened up in his chair and asked, solemnly, +``Will ye have me?'' + +An outburst of chortles from the other side of the +wall greeted the proposal, but the ardent youth +ignored it, if indeed he heard it. With eyes staring +straight ahead, he sat rigid, waiting for my answer; +and I, anxious only to get rid of him and to end +the strain of the moment, said the first thing that +came into my head. ``I can't,'' I told him. ``I'm +sorry, but--but--I'm engaged.'' + +He rose quickly, with the effect of a half-closed +jack-knife that is suddenly opened, and for an in- +stant stood looking down upon me. He was six feet +two inches tall, and extremely thin. I am very short, +and, as I looked up, his flour-bag trousers seemed to +join his yellow sash somewhere near the ceiling of +the room. He put both hands into his pockets and +slowly delivered his valedictory. ``That's darned dis- +appointing to a fellow,'' he said, and left the house. +After a moment devoted to regaining my maidenly +composure I returned to the living-room, where I +had the privilege of observing the enjoyment of my +sisters and their visitors. Helpless with mirth and +with tears of pleasure on their cheeks, the four rocked +and shrieked as they recalled the picture my gallant +had presented. For some time after that incident +I felt a strong distaste for sentiment. + +Clad royally in the new gown, I attended my first +ball in November, going with a party of eight that +included my two sisters, another girl, and four young +men. The ball was at Big Rapids, which by this +time had grown to be a thriving lumber town. It +was impossible to get a team of horses or even a +yoke of oxen for the journey, so we made a raft and +went down the river on that, taking our party dresses +with us in trunks. Unfortunately, the raft ``hung +up'' in the stream, and the four young men had +to get out into the icy water and work a long time +before they could detach it from the rocks. Natu- +rally, they were soaked and chilled through, but they +all bore the experience with a gay philosophy. + +When we reached Big Rapids we dressed for the +ball, and, as in those days it was customary to +change one's gown again at midnight, I had an op- +portunity to burst on the assemblage in two cos- +tumes--the second made of bedroom chintz, with +a low neck and short sleeves. We danced the +``money musk,'' and the ``Virginia reel,'' ``hoeing +her down'' (which means changing partners) in +true pioneer style. I never missed a dance at this +or any subsequent affair, and I was considered the +gayest and the most tireless young person at our +parties until I became a Methodist minister and +dropped such worldly vanities. The first time I +preached in my home region all my former partners +came to hear me, and listened with wide, understand- +ing, reminiscent smiles which made it very hard for +me to keep soberly to my text. + +In the near future I had reason to regret the ex- +travagant expenditure of my first earnings. For +my second year of teaching, in the same school, I +was to receive five dollars a week and to pay my +own board. I selected a place two miles and a half +from the school-house, and was promptly asked by +my host to pay my board in advance. This, he ex- +plained, was due to no lack of faith in me; the +money would enable him to go ``outside'' to work, +leaving his family well supplied with provisions. I +allowed him to go to the school committee and col- +lect my board in advance, at the rate of three dol- +lars a week for the season. When I presented myself +at my new boarding-place, however, two days later, +I found the house nailed up and deserted; the man +and his family had departed with my money, and +I was left, as my committeemen sympathetically +remarked, ``high and dry.'' There were only two +dollars a week coming to me after that, so I walked +back and forth between my home and my school, +almost four miles, twice a day; and during this en- +forced exercise there was ample opportunity to re- +flect on the fleeting joy of riches. + +In the mean time war had been declared. When +the news came that Fort Sumter had been fired +on, and that Lincoln had called for troops, our men +were threshing. There was only one threshing- +machine in the region at that time, and it went +from place to place, the farmers doing their thresh- +ing whenever they could get the machine. I re- +member seeing a man ride up on horseback, shout- +ing out Lincoln's demand for troops and explaining +that a regiment was being formed at Big Rapids. +Before he had finished speaking the men on the ma- +chine had leaped to the ground and rushed off to +enlist, my brother Jack, who had recently joined us, +among them. In ten minutes not one man was left +in the field. A few months later my brother Tom +enlisted as a bugler--he was a mere boy at the time-- +and not long after that my father followed the example +of his sons and served until the war was ended. He +had entered on the twenty-ninth of August, 1862, as +an army steward; he came back to us with the rank +of lieutenant and assistant surgeon of field and staff. + +Between those years I was the principal support +of our family, and life became a strenuous and tragic +affair. For months at a time we had no news from +the front. The work in our community, if it was +done at all, was done by despairing women whose +hearts were with their men. When care had become +our constant guest, Death entered our home as well. +My sister Eleanor had married, and died in childbirth, +leaving her baby to me; and the blackest hours of +those black years were the hours that saw her pass- +ing. I can see her still, lying in a stupor from which +she roused herself at intervals to ask about her child. +She insisted that our brother Tom should name the +baby, but Tom was fighting for his country, unless +he had already preceded Eleanor through the wide +portal that was opening before her. I could only +tell her that I had written to him; but before the +assurance was an hour old she would climb up from +the gulf of unconsciousness with infinite effort to +ask if we had received his reply. At last, to calm +her, I told her it had come, and that Tom had chosen +for her little son the name of Arthur. She smiled +at this and drew a deep breath; then, still smiling, +she passed away. Her baby slipped into her vacant +place and almost filled our heavy hearts, but only +for a short time; for within a few months after his +mother's death his father married again and took +him from me, and it seemed that with his going +we had lost all that made life worth while. + +The problem of living grew harder with every- +day. We eked out our little income in every way +we could, taking as boarders the workers in the log- +ging-camps, making quilts, which we sold, and losing +no chance to earn a penny in any legitimate manner. +Again my mother did such outside sewing as she +could secure, yet with every month of our effort +the gulf between our income and our expenses grew +wider, and the price of the bare necessities of exis- +ence{sic} climbed up and up. The largest amount I +could earn at teaching was six dollars a week, and +our school year included only two terms of thir- +teen weeks each. It was an incessant struggle to +keep our land, to pay our taxes, and to live. Cal- +ico was selling at fifty cents a yard. Coffee was +one dollar a pound. There were no men left to +grind our corn, to get in our crops, or to care for +our live stock; and all around us we saw our +struggle reflected in the lives of our neighbors. + +At long intervals word came to us of battles in +which my father's regiment--the Tenth Michigan +Cavalry Volunteers--or those of my brothers were +engaged, and then longer intervals followed in which +we heard no news. After Eleanor's death my +brother Tom was wounded, and for months we lived +in terror of worse tidings, but he finally recovered. +I was walking seven and eight miles a day, and doing +extra work before and after school hours, and my +health began to fail. Those were years I do not +like to look back upon--years in which life had de- +generated into a treadmill whose monotony was +broken only by the grim messages from the front. +My sister Mary married and went to Big Rapids to +live. I had no time to dream my dream, but the star +of my one purpose still glowed in my dark horizon. +It seemed that nothing short of a miracle could lift +my feet from their plodding way and set them on the +wider path toward which my eyes were turned, but +I never lost faith that in some manner the miracle +would come to pass. As certainly as I have ever +known anything, I KNEW that I was going to college! + + +III + +HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +The end of the Civil War brought freedom to +me, too. When peace was declared my father +and brothers returned to the claim in the wilderness +which we women of the family had labored so des- +perately to hold while they were gone. To us, as to +others, the final years of the war had brought many +changes. My sister Eleanor's place was empty. +Mary, as I have said, had married and gone to live in +Big Rapids, and my mother and I were alone with my +brother Harry, now a boy of fourteen. After the +return of our men it was no longer necessary to de- +vote every penny of my earnings to the maintenance +of our home. For the first time I could begin to +save a portion of my income toward the fulfilment +of my college dream, but even yet there was a long, +arid stretch ahead of me before the college doors +came even distantly into sight. + +The largest salary I could earn by teaching in our +Northern woods was one hundred and fifty-six dollars +a year, for two terms of thirteen weeks each; and +from this, of course, I had to deduct the cost of my +board and clothing--the sole expenditure I allowed +myself. The dollars for an education accumulated +very, very slowly, until at last, in desperation, weary +of seeing the years of my youth rush past, bearing +my hopes with them, I took a sudden and radical +step. I gave up teaching, left our cabin in the +woods, and went to Big Rapids to live with my sister +Mary, who had married a successful man and who +generously offered me a home. There, I had de- +cided, I would learn a trade of some kind, of any +kind; it did not greatly matter what it was. The +sole essential was that it should be a money-making +trade, offering wages which would make it possible +to add more rapidly to my savings. In those days, +almost fifty years ago, and in a small pioneer town, +the fields open to women were few and unfruitful. +The needle at once presented itself, but at first I +turned with loathing from it. I would have pre- +ferred the digging of ditches or the shoveling of coal; +but the needle alone persistently pointed out my +way, and I was finally forced to take it. + +Fate, however, as if weary at last of seeing me +between her paws, suddenly let me escape. Before +I had been working a month at my uncongenial +trade Big Rapids was favored by a visit from a +Universalist woman minister, the Reverend Marianna +Thompson, who came there to preach. Her ser- +mon was delivered on Sunday morning, and I was, I +think, almost the earliest arrival of the great con- +gregation which filled the church. It was a wonder- +ful moment when I saw my first woman minister +enter her pulpit; and as I listened to her sermon, +thrilled to the soul, all my early aspirations to be- +come a minister myself stirred in me with cumulative +force. After the services I hung for a time on the +fringe of the group that surrounded her, and at last, +when she was alone and about to leave, I found +courage to introduce myself and pour forth the tale +of my ambition. Her advice was as prompt as if +she had studied my problem for years. + +``My child,'' she said, ``give up your foolish idea +of learning a trade, and go to school. You can't do +anything until you have an education. Get it, and +get it NOW.'' + +Her suggestion was much to my liking, and I paid +her the compliment of acting on it promptly, for +the next morning I entered the Big Rapids High +School, which was also a preparatory school for col- +lege. There I would study, I determined, as long +as my money held out, and with the optimism of +youth I succeeded in confining my imagination to +this side of that crisis. My home, thanks to Mary, +was assured; the wardrobe I had brought from the +woods covered me sufficiently; to one who had +walked five and six miles a day for years, walking +to school held no discomfort; and as for pleasure, +I found it, like a heroine of fiction, in my studies. +For the first time life was smiling at me, and with +all my young heart I smiled back. + +The preceptress of the high school was Lucy +Foot, a college graduate and a remarkable woman. +I had heard much of her sympathy and understand- +ing; and on the evening following my first day in +school I went to her and repeated the confidences +I had reposed in the Reverend Marianna Thompson. +My trust in her was justified. She took an immedi- +ate interest in me, and proved it at once by putting +me into the speaking and debating classes, where I +was given every opportunity to hold forth to help- +less classmates when the spirit of eloquence moved +me. + +As an aid to public speaking I was taught to ``elo- +cute,'' and I remember in every mournful detail +the occasion on which I gave my first recitation. +We were having our monthly ``public exhibition +night,'' and the audience included not only my class- +mates, but their parents and friends as well. The +selection I intended to recite was a poem entitled +``No Sects in Heaven,'' but when I faced my au- +dience I was so appalled by its size and by the sud- +den realization of my own temerity that I fainted +during the delivery of the first verse. Sympathetic +classmates carried me into an anteroom and revived +me, after which they naturally assumed that the +entertainment I furnished was over for the evening. +I, however, felt that if I let that failure stand against +me I could never afterward speak in public; and +within ten minutes, notwithstanding the protests +of my friends, I was back in the hall and beginning +my recitation a second time. The audience gave +me its eager attention. Possibly it hoped to see me +topple off the platform again, but nothing of the +sort occurred. I went through the recitation with +self-possession and received some friendly applause at +the end. Strangely enough, those first sensations of +``stage fright'' have been experienced, in a lesser de- +gree, in connection with each of the thousands of +public speeches I have made since that time. I +have never again gone so far as to faint in the +presence of an audience; but I have invariably +walked out on the platform feeling the sinking sen- +sation at the pit of the stomach, the weakness of the +knees, that I felt in the hour of my debut. Now, +however, the nervousness passes after a moment +or two. + +From that night Miss Foot lost no opportunity of +putting me into the foreground of our school affairs. +I took part in all our debates, recited yards of poe- +try to any audience we could attract, and even shone +mildly in our amateur theatricals. It was probably +owing to all this activity that I attracted the in- +terest of the presiding elder of our district--Dr. +Peck, a man of progressive ideas. There was at +that time a movement on foot to license women to +preach in the Methodist Church, and Dr. Peck was +ambitious to be the first presiding elder to have a +woman ordained for the Methodist ministry. He +had urged Miss Foot to be this pioneer, but her +ambitions did not turn in that direction. Though +she was a very devout Methodist, she had no wish +to be the shepherd of a religious flock. She loved +her school-work, and asked nothing better than to +remain in it. Gently but persistently she directed +the attention of Dr. Peck to me, and immediately +things began to happen. + +Without telling me to what it might lead, Miss +Foot finally arranged a meeting at her home by in- +viting Dr. Peck and me to dinner. Being uncon- +scious of any significance in the occasion, I chatted +light-heartedly about the large issues of life and +probably settled most of them to my personal satis- +faction. Dr. Peck drew me out and led me on, +listened and smiled. When the evening was over +and we rose to go, he turned to me with sudden +seriousness: + +``My quarterly meeting will be held at Ashton,'' +he remarked, casually. ``I would like you to preach +the quarterly sermon.'' + +For a moment the earth seemed to slip away from +my feet. I stared at him in utter stupefaction. +Then slowly I realized that, incredible as it seemed, +the man was in earnest. + +``Why,'' I stammered, ``_I_ can't preach a ser- +mon!'' + +Dr. Peck smiled at me. ``Have you ever tried?'' +he asked. + +I started to assure him vehemently that I never +had. Then, as if Time had thrown a picture on a +screen before me, I saw myself as a little girl preach- +ing alone in the forest, as I had so often preached +to a congregation of listening trees. I qualified my +answer. + +``Never,'' I said, ``to human beings.'' + +Dr. Peck smiled again. ``Well,'' he told me, +``the door is open. Enter or not, as you wish.'' + +He left the house, but I remained to discuss his +overwhelming proposition with Miss Foot. A sud- +den sobering thought had come to me. + +``But,'' I exclaimed, ``I've never been converted. +How can I preach to any one?'' + +We both had the old-time idea of conversion, which +now seems so mistaken. We thought one had to +struggle with sin and with the Lord until at last the +heart opened, doubts were dispersed, and the light +poured in. Miss Foot could only advise me to +put the matter before the Lord, to wrestle and to +pray; and thereafter, for hours at a time, she worked +and prayed with me, alternately urging, pleading, +instructing, and sending up petitions in my behalf. +Our last session was a dramatic one, which took up +the entire night. Long before it was over we were +both worn out; but toward morning, either from +exhaustion of body or exaltation of soul, I seemed +to see the light, and it made me very happy. With +all my heart I wanted to preach, and I believed that +now at last I had my call. The following day we +sent word to Dr. Peck that I would preach the ser- +mon at Ashton as he had asked, but we urged him to +say nothing of the matter for the present, and Miss +Foot and I also kept the secret locked in our breasts. +I knew only too well what view my family and my +friends would take of such a step and of me. To +them it would mean nothing short of personal dis- +grace and a blotted page in the Shaw record. + +I had six weeks in which to prepare my sermon, +and I gave it most of my waking hours as well as +those in which I should have been asleep. I took +for my text: ``And as Moses lifted up the serpent +in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be +lifted up; that whosoever believeth in Him should +not perish, but have eternal life.'' + +It was not until three days before I preached the +sermon that I found courage to confide my purpose +to my sister Mary, and if I had confessed my inten- +tion to commit a capital crime she could not have +been more disturbed. We two had always been very +close, and the death of Eleanor, to whom we were +both devoted, had drawn us even nearer to each +other. Now Mary's tears and prayers wrung my +heart and shook my resolution. But, after all, she +was asking me to give up my whole future, to close +my ears to my call, and I felt that I could not do +it. My decision caused an estrangement between +us which lasted for years. On the day preceding +the delivery of my sermon I left for Ashton on the +afternoon train; and in the same car, but as far +away from me as she could get, Mary sat alone and +wept throughout the journey. She was going to +my mother, but she did not speak to me; and I, +for my part, facing both alienation from her and the +ordeal before me, found my one comfort in Lucy +Foot's presence and understanding sympathy. + +There was no church in Ashton, so I preached +my sermon in its one little school-house, which was +filled with a curious crowd, eager to look at and hear +the girl who was defying all conventions by getting +out of the pew and into the pulpit. There was +much whispering and suppressed excitement before +I began, but when I gave out my text silence fell +upon the room, and from that moment until I had +finished my hearers listened quietly. A kerosene- +lamp stood on a stand at my elbow, and as I preached +I trembled so violently that the oil shook in its glass +globe; but I finished without breaking down, and +at the end Dr. Peck, who had his own reasons for +nervousness, handsomely assured me that my first +sermon was better than his maiden effort had been. +It was evidently not a failure, for the next day he +invited me to follow him around in his circuit, which +included thirty-six appointments; he wished me to +preach in each of the thirty-six places, as it was de- +sirable to let the various ministers hear and know +me before I applied for my license as a local preacher. + +The sermon also had another result, less gratify- +ing. It brought out, on the following morning, the +first notice of me ever printed in a newspaper. +This was instigated by my brother-in-law, and it +was brief but pointed. It read: + + +A young girl named Anna Shaw, seventeen years old,[1] +preached at Ashton yesterday. Her real friends deprecate the +course she is pursuing. + +[1] A misstatement by the brother-in-law. Dr. Shaw was at this +time twenty-three years old.--E. J. + + +The little notice had something of the effect of +a lighted match applied to gunpowder. An ex- +plosion of public sentiment followed it, the entire +community arose in consternation, and I became a +bone of contention over which friends and strangers +alike wrangled until they wore themselves out. +The members of my family, meeting in solemn +council, sent for me, and I responded. They had +a proposition to make, and they lost no time in put- +ting it before me. If I gave up my preaching they +would send me to college and pay for my entire +course. They suggested Ann Arbor, and Ann Arbor +tempted me sorely; but to descend from the pulpit +I had at last entered--the pulpit I had visualized +in all my childish dreams--was not to be considered. +We had a long evening together, and it was a very +unhappy one. At the end of it I was given twenty- +four hours in which to decide whether I would choose +my people and college, or my pulpit and the arctic +loneliness of a life that held no family-circle. It +did not require twenty-four hours of reflection to +convince me that I must go my solitary way. + +That year I preached thirty-six times, at each of +the presiding elder's appointments; and the follow- +ing spring, at the annual Methodist Conference of +our district, held at Big Rapids, my name was pre- +sented to the assembled ministers as that of a can- +didate for a license to preach. There was unusual +interest in the result, and my father was among those +who came to the Conference to see the vote taken. +During these Conferences a minister voted affirma- +tively on a question by holding up his hand, and +negatively by failing to do so. When the question +of my license came up the majority of the ministers +voted by raising both hands, and in the pleasant +excitement which followed my father slipped away. +Those who saw him told me he looked pleased; but +he sent me no message showing a change of view- +point, and the gulf between the family and its black +sheep remained unbridged. Though the warmth of +Mary's love for me had become a memory, the +warmth of her hearthstone was still offered me. I +accepted it, perforce, and we lived together like +shadows of what we had been. Two friends alone +of all I had made stood by me without qualification +--Miss Foot and Clara Osborn, the latter my +``chum'' at Big Rapids and a dweller in my heart +to this day. + +In the mean time my preaching had not inter- +fered with my studies. I was working day and night, +but life was very difficult; for among my school- +mates, too, there were doubts and much head-shaking +over this choice of a career. I needed the sound of +friendly voices, for I was very lonely; and suddenly, +when the pressure from all sides was strongest and +I was going down physically under it, a voice was +raised that I had never dared to dream would speak +for me. Mary A. Livermore came to Big Rapids, +and as she was then at the height of her career, the +entire countryside poured in to hear her. Far back +in the crowded hall I sat alone and listened to her, +thrilled by the lecture and tremulous with the hope +of meeting the lecturer. When she had finished +speaking I joined the throng that surged forward +from the body of the hall, and as I reached her and +felt the grasp of her friendly hand I had a sudden +conviction that the meeting was an epoch in my life. +I was right. Some one in the circle around us told +her that I wanted to preach, and that I was meeting +tremendous opposition. She was interested at once. +She looked at me with quickening sympathy, and +then, suddenly putting an arm around me, drew me +close to her side. + +``My dear,'' she said, quietly, ``if you want to +preach, go on and preach. Don't let anybody stop +you. No matter what people say, don't let them +stop you!'' + +For a moment I was too overcome to answer her. +These were almost my first encouraging words, and +the morning stars singing together could not have +made sweeter music for my ears. Before I could +recover a woman within hearing spoke up. + +``Oh, Mrs. Livermore,'' she exclaimed, ``don't say +that to her! We're all trying to stop her. Her peo- +ple are wretched over the whole thing. And don't +you see how ill she is? She has one foot in the grave +and the other almost there!'' + +Mrs. Livermore turned upon me a long and deeply +thoughtful look. ``Yes,'' she said at last, ``I see she +has. But it is better that she should die doing the +thing she wants to do than that she should die +because she can't do it.'' + +Her words were a tonic which restored my voice. +``So they think I'm going to die!'' I cried. ``Well, +I'm not! I'm going to live and preach!'' + +I have always felt since then that without the +inspiration of Mrs. Livermore's encouragement I +might not have continued my fight. Her sanction +was a shield, however, from which the criticisms of +the world fell back. Fate's more friendly interest +in my affairs that year was shown by the fact that +she sent Mrs. Livermore into my life before I had +met Anna Dickinson. Miss Dickinson came to us +toward spring and lectured on Joan of Arc. Never +before or since have I been more deeply moved by a +speaker. When she had finished her address I made +my happy way to the front of the hall with the others +who wished to meet the distinguished guest. It +was our local manager who introduced me, and he +said, ``This is our Anna Shaw. She is going to be +a lecturer, too.'' + +I looked up at the brilliant Miss Dickinson with +the trustfulness of youth in my eyes. I remem- +bered Mrs. Livermore and I thought all great wom- +en were like her, but I was now to experience a bitter +disillusionment. Miss Dickinson barely touched +the tips of my fingers as she looked indifferently +past the side of my face. ``Ah,'' she said, icily, +and turned away. In later years I learned how +impossible it is for a public speaker to leave a +gracious impression on every life that for a moment +touches her own; but I have never ceased to be +thankful that I met Mrs. Livermore before I met +Miss Dickinson at the crisis in my career. + +In the autumn of 1873 I entered Albion College, +in Albion, Michigan. I was twenty-five years of +age, but I looked much younger--probably not more +than eighteen to the casual glance. Though I had +made every effort to save money, I had not been +successful, for my expenses constantly outran my +little income, and my position as preacher made it +necessary for me to have a suitable wardrobe. +When the time came to enter college I had exactly +eighteen dollars in the world, and I started for +Albion with this amount in my purse and without +the slightest notion of how I was to add to it. The +money problem so pressed upon me, in fact, that +when I reached my destination at midnight and dis- +covered that it would cost fifty cents to ride from +the station to the college, I saved that amount by +walking the entire distance on the railroad tracks, +while my imagination busied itself pleasantly with +pictures of the engine that might be thundering upon +me in the rear. I had chosen Albion because Miss +Foot had been educated there, and I was encouraged +by an incident that happened the morning after my +arrival. I was on the campus, walking toward the +main building, when I saw a big copper penny lying +on the ground, and, on picking it up, I discovered +that it bore the year of my birth. That seemed a +good omen, and it was emphatically underlined by +the finding of two exactly similar pennies within a +week. Though there have been days since then +when I was sorely tempted to spend them, I have +those three pennies still, and I confess to a certain +comfort in their possession! + +As I had not completed my high-school course, +my first days at Albion were spent in strenuous prep- +aration for the entrance examinations; and one morn- +ing, as I was crossing the campus with a History +of the United States tucked coyly under my arm, +I met the president of the college, Dr. Josclyn. He +stopped for a word of greeting, during which I be- +trayed the fact that I had never studied United +States history. Dr. Josclyn at once invited me into +his office with, I am quite sure, the purpose of ex- +plaining as kindly as he could that my preparation +for college was insufficient. As an opening to the +subject he began to talk of history, and we talked +and talked on, while unheeded hours were born and +died. We discussed the history of the United States, +the governments of the world, the causes which led +to the influence of one nation on another, the philo- +sophical basis of the different national movements +westward, and the like. It was the longest and by +far the most interesting talk I have ever had with +a highly educated man, and during it I could actually +feel my brain expand. When I rose to go President +Josclyn stopped me. + +``I have something to give you,'' he said, and he +wrote a few words on a slip of paper and handed +the slip to me. When, on reaching the dormitory, +I opened it, I found that the president had passed +me in the history of the entire college course! This, +moreover, was not the only pleasant result of our +interview, for within a few weeks President and Mrs. +Josclyn, whose daughter had recently died, invited +me to board with them, and I made my home with +them during my first year at Albion. + +My triumph in history was followed by the swift +and chastening discovery that I was behind my as- +sociates in several other branches. Owing to my +father's early help, I was well up in mathematics, +but I had much to learn of philosophy and the +languages, and to these I devoted many midnight +candles. + +Naturally, I soon plunged into speaking, and my +first public speech at college was a defense of Xan- +tippe. I have always felt that the poor lady was +greatly abused, and that Socrates deserved all he +received from her, and more. I was glad to put +myself on record as her champion, and my fellow- +students must soon have felt that my admiration +for Xantippe was based on similarities of tempera- +ment, for within a few months I was leading the first +college revolt against the authority of the men +students. + +Albion was a coeducational institution, and the +brightest jewels in its crown were its three literary +societies--the first composed of men alone, the sec- +ond of women alone, and the third of men and +women together. Each of the societies made friend- +ly advances to new students, and for some time I +hesitated on the brink of the new joys they offered, +uncertain which to choose. A representative of the +mixed society, who was putting its claims before +me, unconsciously helped me to make up my mind. + +``Women,'' he pompously assured me, ``need to be +associated with men, because they don't know how +to manage meetings.'' + +On the instant the needle of decision swung around +to the women's society and remained there, fixed. + +``If they don't,'' I told the pompous young man, +``it's high time they learned. I shall join the women, +and we'll master the art.'' + +I did join the women's society, and I had not been +a member very long before I discovered that when +there was an advantage of any kind to be secured +the men invariably got it. While I was brooding +somberly upon this wrong an opportunity came to +make a formal and effective protest against the +men's high-handed methods. The Quinquennial re- +union of all the societies was about to be held, and +the special feature of this festivity was always an +oration. The simple method of selecting the orator +which had formerly prevailed had been for the +young men to decide upon the speaker and then an- +nounce his name to the women, who humbly con- +firmed it. On this occasion, however, when the +name came in to us, I sent a message to our brother +society to the effect that we, too, intended to make +a nomination and to send in a name. + +At such unprecedented behavior the entire stu- +dent body arose in excitement, which, among the +girls, was combined with equal parts of exhilaration +and awe. The men refused to consider our nominee, +and as a friendly compromise we suggested that we +have a joint meeting of all the societies and elect +the speaker at this gathering; but this plan also +the men at first refused, giving in only after weeks +of argument, during which no one had time for +the calmer pleasures of study. When the joint +meeting was finally held, nothing was accomplished; +we girls had one more member than the boys had, +and we promptly re-elected our candidate, who was +as promptly declined by the boys. Two of our girls +were engaged to two of the boys, and it was secretly +planned by our brother society that during a second +joint meeting these two men should take the girls +out for a drive and then slip back to vote, leaving +the girls at some point sufficiently remote from col- +lege. We discovered the plot, however, in time to +thwart it, and at last, when nothing but the un- +precedented tie-up had been discussed for months, +the boys suddenly gave up their candidate and +nominated me for orator. + +This was not at all what I wanted, and I immedi- +ately declined to serve. We girls then nominated +the young man who had been first choice of our +brother society, but he haughtily refused to accept +the compliment. The reunion was only a fortnight +away, and the programme had not been printed, so +now the president took the situation in hand and +peremptorily ordered me to accept the nomination +or be suspended. This was a wholly unexpected +boomerang. I had wished to make a good fight for +equal rights for the girls, and to impress the boys +with the fact of our existence as a society; but I +had not desired to set the entire student body by +the ears nor to be forced to prepare and deliver an +oration at the eleventh hour. Moreover, I had no +suitable gown to wear on so important an occasion. +One of my classmates, however, secretly wrote to +my sister, describing my blushing honors and ex- +plaining my need, and my family rallied to the call. +My father bought the material, and my mother and +Mary paid for the making of the gown. It was a +white alpaca creation, trimmed with satin, and the +consciousness that it was extremely becoming sus- +tained me greatly during the mental agony of pre- +paring and delivering my oration. To my family +that oration was the redeeming episode of my early +career. For the moment it almost made them for- +get my crime of preaching. + +My original fund of eighteen dollars was now +supplemented by the proceeds of a series of lectures +I gave on temperance. The temperance women were +not yet organized, but they had their speakers, and +I was occasionally paid five dollars to hold forth +for an hour or two in the little country school-houses +of our region. As a licensed preacher I had no +tuition fees to pay at college; but my board, in the +home of the president and his wife, was costing me +four dollars a week, and this was the limit of my +expenses, as I did my own laundry-work. During +my first college year the amount I paid for amuse- +ment was exactly fifty cents; that went for a lec- +ture. The mental strain of the whole experience +was rather severe, for I never knew how much I +would be able to earn; and I was beginning to feel +the effects of this when Christmas came and brought +with it a gift of ninety-two dollars, which Miss Foot +had collected among my Big Rapids friends. That, +with what I could earn, carried me through the +year. + +The following spring our brother James, who +was now living in St. Johnsbury, Vermont, invited +my sister Mary and me to spend the summer +with him, and Mary and I finally dug a grave for +our little hatchet and went East together with +something of our old-time joy in each other's so- +ciety. We reached St. Johnsbury one Saturday, +and within an hour of our arrival learned that my +brother had arranged for me to preach in a local +church the following day. That threatened to spoil +the visit for Mary and even to disinter the hatchet! +At first she positively refused to go to hear me, but +after a few hours of reflection she announced gloom- +ily that if she did not go I would not have my hair +arranged properly or get my hat on straight. Moved +by this conviction, she joined the family parade to +the church, and later, in the sacristy, she pulled me +about and pinned me up to her heart's content. +Then, reluctantly, she went into the church and +heard me preach. She offered no tributes after our +return to the house, but her protests ceased from +that time, and we gave each other the love and +understanding which had marked our girlhood days. +The change made me very happy; for Mary was the +salt of the earth, and next only to my longing for +my mother, I had longed for her in the years of our +estrangement. + +Every Sunday that summer I preached in or near +St. Johnsbury, and toward autumn we had a big +meeting which the ministers of all the surrounding +churches attended. I was asked to preach the ser- +mon--a high compliment--and I chose that impor- +tant day to make a mistake in quoting a passage +from Scripture. I asked, ``Can the Ethiopian change +his spots or the leopard his skin?'' I realized at +once that I had transposed the words, and no doubt +a look of horror dawned in my eyes; but I went on +without correcting myself and without the slightest +pause. Later, one of the ministers congratulated +me on this presence of mind. + +``If you had corrected yourself,'' he said, ``all the +young people would have been giggling yet over +the spotted nigger. Keep to your rule of going +right ahead!'' + +At the end of the summer the various churches +in which I had preached gave me a beautiful gold +watch and one hundred dollars in money, and with +an exceedingly light heart I went back to college +to begin my second year of work. + +From that time life was less complex. I had +enough temperance-work and preaching in the +country school-houses and churches to pay my col- +lege expenses, and, now that my financial anxieties +were relieved, my health steadily improved. Sev- +eral times I preached to the Indians, and these +occasions were among the most interesting of my +experiences. The squaws invariably brought their +babies with them, but they had a simple and effective +method of relieving themselves of the care of the +infants as soon as they reached the church. The +papooses, who were strapped to their boards, were +hung like a garment on the back wall of the building +by a hole in the top of the board, which projected +above their heads. Each papoose usually had a +bit of fat pork tied to the end of a string fastened +to its wrist, and with these sources of nourishment +the infants occupied themselves pleasantly while +the sermon was in progress. Frequently the pork +slipped down the throat of the papoose, but the +struggle of the child and the jerking of its hands +in the strangulation that followed pulled the piece +safely out again. As I faced the congregation I also +faced the papooses, to whom the indifferent backs +of their mothers were presented; it seemed to me +there was never a time when some papoose was not +choking, but no matter how much excitement or +discomfort was going on among the babies, not one +squaw turned her head to look back at them. In +that assemblage the emotions were not allowed to +interrupt the calm intellectual enjoyment of the +sermon. + +My most dramatic experience during this period +occurred in the summer of 1874, when I went to a +Northern lumber-camp to preach in the pulpit of a +minister who was away on his honeymoon. The +stage took me within twenty-two miles of my desti- +nation, to a place called Seberwing. To my dismay, +however, when I arrived at Seberwing, Saturday +evening, I found that the rest of the journey lay +through a dense woods, and that I could reach my +pulpit in time the next morning only by having some +one drive me through the woods that night. It was +not a pleasant prospect, for I had heard appalling +tales of the stockades in this region and of the +women who were kept prisoners there. But to miss +the engagement was not to be thought of, and when, +after I had made several vain efforts to find a driver, +a man appeared in a two-seated wagon and offered +to take me to my destination, I felt that I had to go +with him, though I did not like his appearance. +He was a huge, muscular person, with a protruding +jaw and a singularly evasive eye; but I reflected +that his forbidding expression might be due, in part +at least, to the prospect of the long night drive +through the woods, to which possibly he objected +as much as I did. + +It was already growing dark when we started, +and within a few moments we were out of the little +settlement and entering the woods. With me I had +a revolver I had long since learned to use, but which +I very rarely carried. I had hesitated to bring it +now--had even left home without it; and then, im- +pelled by some impulse I never afterward ceased +to bless, had returned for it and dropped it into +my hand-bag. + +I sat on the back seat of the wagon, directly +behind the driver, and for a time, as we entered +the darkening woods, his great shoulders blotted out +all perspective as he drove on in stolid silence. +Then, little by little, they disappeared like a rapidly +fading negative. The woods were filled with Norway +pines, hemlocks, spruce, and tamaracks-great, +somber trees that must have shut out the light even +on the brightest days. To-night the heavens held +no lamps aloft to guide us, and soon the darkness +folded around us like a garment. I could see neither +the driver nor his horses. I could hear only the +sibilant whisper of the trees and the creak of our +slow wheels in the rough forest road. + +Suddenly the driver began to talk, and at first +I was glad to hear the reassuring human tones, for +the experience had begun to seem like a bad dream. +I replied readily, and at once regretted that I had +done so, for the man's choice of topics was most +unpleasant. He began to tell me stories of the +stockades--grim stories with horrible details, re- +peated so fully and with such gusto that I soon +realized he was deliberately affronting my ears. +I checked him and told him I could not listen to +such talk. + +He replied with a series of oaths and shocking +vulgarities, stopping his horses that he might turn +and fling the words into my face. He ended by +snarling that I must think him a fool to imagine +he did not know the kind of woman I was. What +was I doing in that rough country, he demanded, +and why was I alone with him in those black woods +at night? + +Though my heart missed a beat just then, I tried +to answer him calmly. + +``You know perfectly well who I am,'' I reminded +him. ``And you understand that I am making this +journey to-night because I am to preach to-morrow +morning and there is no other way to keep my +appointment.'' + +He uttered a laugh which was a most unpleasant +sound. + +``Well,'' he said, coolly, ``I'm damned if I'll take +you. I've got you here, and I'm going to keep you +here!'' + +I slipped my hand into the satchel in my lap, and +it touched my revolver. No touch of human fingers +ever brought such comfort. With a deep breath +of thanksgiving I drew it out and cocked it, and +as I did so he recognized the sudden click. + +``Here! What have you got there?'' he snapped. + +``I have a revolver,'' I replied, as steadily as I +could. ``And it is cocked and aimed straight at +your back. Now drive on. If you stop again, or +speak, I'll shoot you.'' + +For an instant or two he blustered. + +``By God,'' he cried, ``you wouldn't dare.'' + +``Wouldn't I?'' I asked. ``Try me by speaking +just once more.'' + +Even as I spoke I felt my hair rise on my scalp +with the horror of the moment, which seemed worse +than any nightmare a woman could experience. +But the man was conquered by the knowledge of +the waiting, willing weapon just behind him. He +laid his whip savagely on the backs of his horses +and they responded with a leap that almost knocked +me out of the wagon. + +The rest of the night was a black terror I shall +never forget. He did not speak again, nor stop, +but I dared not relax my caution for an instant. +Hour after hour crawled toward day, and still I +sat in the unpierced darkness, the revolver ready. +I knew he was inwardly raging, and that at any +instant he might make a sudden jump and try to +get the revolver away from me. I decided that +at his slightest movement I must shoot. But dawn +came at last, and just as its bluish light touched +the dark tips of the pines we drove up to the log +hotel in the settlement that was our destination. +Here my driver spoke. + +``Get down,'' he said, gruffly. ``This is the place.'' + +I sat still. Even yet I dared not trust him. +Moreover, I was so stiff after my vigil that I was +not sure I could move. + +``You get down,'' I directed, ``and wake up the +landlord. Bring him out here.'' + +He sullenly obeyed and aroused the hotel-owner, +and when the latter appeared I climbed out of the +wagon with some effort but without explanation. +That morning I preached in my friend's pulpit as I +had promised to do, and the rough building was +packed to its doors with lumbermen who had come +in from the neighboring camp. Their appearance +caused great surprise, as they had never attended +a service before. They formed a most picturesque +congregation, for they all wore brilliant lumber-camp +clothing--blue or red shirts with yellow scarfs +twisted around their waists, and gay-colored jackets +and logging-caps. There were forty or fifty of +them, and when we took up our collection they +responded with much liberality and cheerful shouts +to one another. + +``Put in fifty cents!'' they yelled across the church. +``Give her a dollar!'' + +The collection was the largest that had been taken +up in the history of the settlement, but I soon +learned that it was not the spiritual comfort I +offered which had appealed to the lumber-men. +My driver of the night before, who was one of their +number, had told his pals of his experience, and the +whole camp had poured into town to see the woman +minister who carried a revolver. + +``Her sermon?'' said one of them to my landlord, +after the meeting. ``Huh! I dunno what she +preached. But, say, don't make no mistake about +one thing: the little preacher has sure got grit!'' + + + +IV + +THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +When I returned to Albion College in the +autumn of 1875 I brought with me a problem +which tormented me during my waking hours and +chattered on my pillow at night. Should I devote +two more years of my vanishing youth to the com- +pletion of my college course, or, instead, go at once +to Boston University, enter upon my theological +studies, take my degree, and be about my Father's +business? + +I was now twenty-seven years old, and I had been +a licensed preacher for three years. My reputation +in the Northwest was growing, and by sermons and +lectures I could certainly earn enough to pay the +expenses of the full college course. On the other +hand, Boston was a new world. There I would be +alone and practically penniless, and the oppor- +tunities for work might be limited. Quite possibly +in my final two years at Albion I could even save +enough money to make the experience in Boston +less difficult, and the clear common sense I had +inherited from my mother reminded me that in +this course lay wisdom. Possibly it was some in- +heritance from my visionary father which made +me, at the end of three months, waive these sage +reflections, pack my few possessions, and start for +Boston, where I entered the theological school of +the university in February, 1876. + +It was an instance of stepping off a solid plank +and into space; and though there is exhilaration +in the sensation, as I discovered then and at later +crises in life when I did the same thing, there was +also an amount of subsequent discomfort for which +even my lively imagination had not prepared me. +I went through some grim months in Boston-- +months during which I learned what it was to go +to bed cold and hungry, to wake up cold and hungry, +and to have no knowledge of how long these con- +ditions might continue. But not more than once or +twice during the struggle there, and then only for +an hour or two in the physical and mental depression +attending malnutrition, did I regret coming. At +that period of my life I believed that the Lord had +my small personal affairs very much on His mind. +If I starved and froze it was His test of my worthi- +ness for the ministry, and if He had really chosen +me for one of His servants, He would see me through. +The faith that sustained me then has still a place +in my life, and existence without it would be an +infinitely more dreary affair than it is. But I admit +that I now call upon the Lord less often and less +imperatively than I did before the stern years taught +me my unimportance in the great scheme of things. + +My class at the theological school was composed +of forty-two young men and my unworthy self, and +before I had been a member of it an hour I realized +that women theologians paid heavily for the privilege +of being women. The young men of my class who +were licensed preachers were given free accommo- +dations in the dormitory, and their board, at a club +formed for their assistance, cost each of them only +one dollar and twenty-five cents a week. For me +no such kindly provision was made. I was not +allowed a place in the dormitory, but instead was +given two dollars a week to pay the rent of a room +outside. Neither was I admitted to the economical +comforts of the club, but fed myself according to +my income, a plan which worked admirably when +there was an income, but left an obvious void when +there was not. + +With characteristic optimism, however, I hired a +little attic room on Tremont Street and established +myself therein. In lieu of a window the room +offered a pale skylight to the February storms, and +there was neither heat in it nor running water; +but its possession gave me a pleasant sense of +proprietorship, and the whole experience seemed a +high adventure. I at once sought opportunities to +preach and lecture, but these were even rarer than +firelight and food. In Albion I had been practically +the only licensed preacher available for substitute +and special work. In Boston University's three +theological classes there were a hundred men, each +snatching eagerly at the slightest possibility of +employment; and when, despite this competition, +I received and responded to an invitation to preach, +I never knew whether I was to be paid for my services +in cash or in compliments. If, by a happy chance, +the compensation came in cash, the amount was +rarely more than five dollars, and never more than +ten. There was no help in sight from my family, +whose early opposition to my career as a minister +had hotly flamed forth again when I started East. +I lived, therefore, on milk and crackers, and for +weeks at a time my hunger was never wholly satis- +fied. In my home in the wilderness I had often +heard the wolves prowling around our door at night. +Now, in Boston, I heard them even at high noon. + +There is a special and almost indescribable de- +pression attending such conditions. No one who +has not experienced the combination of continued +cold, hunger, and loneliness in a great, strange, +indifferent city can realize how it undermines the +victim's nerves and even tears at the moral fiber. +The self-humiliation I experienced was also intense. +I had worked my way in the Northwest; why could +I not work my way in Boston? Was there, per- +haps, some lack in me and in my courage? Again +and again these questions rose in my mind and +poisoned my self-confidence. The one comfort I +had in those black days was the knowledge that no +one suspected the depth of the abyss in which I +dwelt. We were all struggling; to the indifferent +glance--and all glances were indifferent--my struggle +was no worse than that of my classmates whose +rooms and frugal meals were given them. + +After a few months of this existence I was almost +ready to believe that the Lord's work for me lay +outside of the ministry, and while this fear was +gripping me a serious crisis came in my financial +affairs. The day dawned when I had not a cent, +nor any prospect of earning one. My stock of +provisions consisted of a box of biscuit, and my +courage was flowing from me like blood from an +opened vein. Then came one of the quick turns +of the wheel of chance which make for optimism. +Late in the afternoon I was asked to do a week of +revival work with a minister in a local church, and +when I accepted his invitation I mentally resolved +to let that week decide my fate. My shoes had +burst open at the sides; for lack of car-fare I had +to walk to and from the scene of my meetings, though +I had barely strength for the effort. If my week +of work brought me enough to buy a pair of cheap +shoes and feed me for a few days I would, I decided, +continue my theological course. If it did not, I +would give up the fight. + +Never have I worked harder or better than during +those seven days, when I put into the effort not +only my heart and soul, but the last flame of my +dying vitality, We had a rousing revival--one of +the good old-time affairs when the mourners' benches +were constantly filled and the air resounded with +alleluias. The excitement and our success, mildly +aided by the box of biscuit, sustained me through the +week, and not until the last night did I realize how +much of me had gone into this final desperate charge +of mine. Then, the service over and the people +departed, I sank, weak and trembling, into a chair, +trying to pull myself together before hearing my +fate in the good-night words of the minister I had +assisted. When he came to me and began to com- +pliment me on the work I had done, I could not +rise. I sat still and listened with downcast eyes, +afraid to lift them lest he read in them something +of my need and panic in this moment when my whole +future seemed at stake. + +At first his words rolled around the empty church +as if they were trying to get away from me, but +at last I began to catch them. I was, it seemed, +a most desirable helper. It had been a privilege +and a pleasure to be associated with me. Beyond +doubt, I would go far in my career. He heartily +wished that he could reward me adequately. I +deserved fifty dollars. + +My tired heart fluttered at this. Probably my +empty stomach fluttered, too; but in the next +moment something seemed to catch my throat and +stop my breath. For it appeared that, notwith- +standing the enthusiasm and the spiritual uplift +of the week, the collections had been very disap- +pointing and the expenses unusually heavy. He +could not give me fifty dollars. He could not give +me anything at all. He thanked me warmly and +wished me good night. + +I managed to answer him and to get to my feet, +but that journey down the aisle from my chair to +the church door was the longest journey I have ever +made. During it I felt not only the heart-sick +disappointment of the moment, but the cumulative +unhappiness of the years to come. I was friend- +less, penniless, and starving, but it was not of these +conditions that I thought then. The one over- +whelming fact was that I had been weighed and +found wanting. I was not worthy. + +I stumbled along, passing blindly a woman who +stood on the street near the church entrance. She +stopped me, timidly, and held out her hand. Then +suddenly she put her arms around me and wept. +She was an old lady, and I did not know her, but it +seemed fitting that she should cry just then, as it +would have seemed fitting to me if at that black +moment all the people on the earth had broken into +sudden wailing. + +``Oh, Miss Shaw,'' she said, ``I'm the happiest +woman in the world, and I owe my happiness to +you. To-night you have converted my grandson. +He's all I have left, but he has been a wild boy, +and I've prayed over him for years. Hereafter he +is going to lead a different life. He has just given +me his promise on his knees.'' + +Her hand fumbled in her purse. + +``I am a poor woman,'' she went on, ``but I have +enough, and I want to make you a little present. +I know how hard life is for you young students.'' + +She pressed a bill into my fingers. ``It's very +little,'' she said, humbly; ``it is only five dollars.'' + +I laughed, and in that exultant moment I seemed +to hear life laughing with me. With the passing +of the bill from her hand to mine existence had +become a new experience, wonderful and beautiful. + +``It's the biggest gift I have ever had,'' I told her. +``This little bill is big enough to carry my future +on its back!'' + +I had a good meal that night, and I bought the +shoes the next morning. Infinitely more sustaining +than the food, however, was the conviction that +the Lord was with me and had given me a sign of +His approval. The experience was the turning- +point of my theological career. When the money +was gone I succeeded in obtaining more work from +time to time--and though the grind was still cruelly +hard, I never again lost hope. The theological school +was on Bromfield Street, and we students climbed +three flights of stairs to reach our class-rooms. +Through lack of proper food I had become too +weak to ascend these stairs without sitting down +once or twice to rest, and within a month after my +experience with the appreciative grandmother I +was discovered during one of these resting periods +by Mrs. Barrett, the superintendent of the Woman's +Foreign Missionary Society, which had offices in +our building. She stopped, looked me over, and +then invited me into her room, where she asked +me if I felt ill. I assured her that I did not. She +asked a great many additional questions and, little +by little, under the womanly sympathy of them, +my reserve broke down and she finally got at the +truth, which until that hour I had succeeded in +concealing. She let me leave without much com- +ment, but the next day she again invited me into +her office and came directly to the purpose of the +interview. + +``Miss Shaw,'' she said, ``I have been talking to a +friend of mine about you, and she would like to +make a bargain with you. She thinks you are work- +ing too hard. She will pay you three dollars and +a half a week for the rest of this school year if +you will promise to give up your preaching. She +wants you to rest, study, and take care of your +health.'' + +I asked the name of my unknown friend, but +Mrs. Barrett said that was to remain a secret. She +had been given a check for seventy-eight dollars, +and from this, she explained, my allowance would +be paid in weekly instalments. I took the money +very gratefully, and a few years later I returned +the amount to the Missionary Society; but I never +learned the identity of my benefactor. Her three +dollars and a half a week, added to the weekly two +dollars I was allowed for room rent, at once solved +the problem of living; and now that meal-hours +had a meaning in my life, my health improved and +my horizon brightened. I spent most of my evenings +in study, and my Sundays in the churches of Phil- +lips Brooks and James Freeman Clark, my favorite +ministers. Also, I joined the university's praying- +band of students, and took part in the missionary- +work among the women of the streets. I had never +forgotten my early friend in Lawrence, the beautiful +``mysterious lady'' who had loved me as a child, +and, in memory of her, I set earnestly about the +effort to help unfortunates of her class. I went +into the homes of these women, followed them to +the streets and the dance-halls, talked to them, +prayed with them, and made friends among them. +Some of them I was able to help, but many were +beyond help; and I soon learned that the effective +work in that field is the work which is done for +women before, not after, they have fallen. + +During my vacation in the summer of 1876 I went +to Cape Cod and earned my expenses by substituting +in local pulpits. Here, at East Dennis, I formed the +friendship which brought me at once the greatest +happiness and the deepest sorrow of that period of +my life. My new friend was a widow whose name +was Persis Addy, and she was also the daughter of +Captain Prince Crowell, then the most prominent +man in the Cape Cod community--a bank president, +a railroad director, and a citizen of wealth, as wealth +was rated in those days. When I returned to the +theological school in the autumn Mrs. Addy came +to Boston with me, and from that time until her +death, two years later, we lived together. She was +immensely interested in my work, and the friendly +part she took in it diverted her mind from the be- +reavement over which she had brooded for years, +while to me her coming opened windows into a new +world. I was no longer lonely; and though in my +life with her I paid my way to the extent of my +small income, she gave me my first experience of an +existence in which comfort and culture, recreation, +and leisurely reading were cheerful commonplaces. +For the first time I had some one to come home to, +some one to confide in, some one to talk to, listen +to, and love. We read together and went to con- +certs together; and it was during this winter that I +attended my first theatrical performance. The star +was Mary Anderson, in ``Pygmalion and Galatea,'' +and play and player charmed me so utterly that I +saw them every night that week, sitting high in the +gallery and enjoying to the utmost the unfolding of +this new delight. It was so glowing a pleasure that +I longed to make some return to the giver of it; but +not until many years afterward, when I met Ma- +dame Navarro in London, was I able to tell her +what the experience had been and to thank her +for it. + +I did not long enjoy the glimpses into my new +world, for soon, and most tragically, it was closed +to me. In the spring following our first Boston +winter together Mrs. Addy and I went to Hingham, +Massachusetts, where I had been appointed tempo- +rary pastor of the Methodist Church. There Mrs. +Addy was taken ill, and as she grew steadily worse +we returned to Boston to live near the best availa- +ble physicians, who for months theorized over her +malady without being able to diagnose it. At last +her father, Captain Crowell, sent to Paris for Dr. +Brown-Sequard, then the most distinguished special- +ist of his day, and Dr. Brown-Sequard, when he +arrived and examined his patient, discovered that +she had a tumor on the brain. She had had a great +shock in her life--the tragic death of her husband +at sea during their wedding tour around the world-- +and it was believed that her disease dated from that +time. Nothing could be done for her, and she failed +daily during our second year together, and died in +March, 1878, just before I finished my theological +course and while I was still temporary pastor of the +church at Hingham. Every moment I could take +from my parish and my studies I spent with her, and +those were sorrowful months. In her poor, tortured +brain the idea formed that I, not she, was the sick +person in our family of two, and when we were at +home together she insisted that I must lie down and +let her nurse me; then for hours she brooded over +me, trying to relieve the agony she believed I was +experiencing. When at last she was at peace her +father and I took her home to Cape Cod and laid +her in the graveyard of the little church where we +had met at the beginning of our brief and beautiful +friendship; and the subsequent loneliness I felt +was far greater than any I had ever suffered in the +past, for now I had learned the meaning of com- +panionship. + +Three months after Mrs. Addy's death I grad- +uated. She had planned to take me abroad, and +during our first winter together we had spent count- +less hours talking and dreaming of our European +wanderings. When she found that she must die she +made her will and left me fifteen hundred dollars +for the visit to Europe, insisting that I must carry +out the plan we had made; and during her conscious +periods she constantly talked of this and made me +promise that I would go. After her death it seemed +to me that to go without her was impossible. Every- +thing of beauty I looked upon would hold memories +of her, keeping fresh my sorrow and emphasizing +my loneliness; but it was her last expressed desire +that I should go, and I went. + +First, however, I had graduated--clad in a brand- +new black silk gown, and with five dollars in my +pocket, which I kept there during the graduation +exercises. I felt a special satisfaction in the pos- +session of that money, for, notwithstanding the +handicap of being a woman, I was said to be the +only member of my class who had worked during +the entire course, graduated free from debt, and +had a new outfit as well as a few dollars in cash. + +I graduated without any special honors. Pos- +sibly I might have won some if I had made the effort, +but my graduation year, as I have just explained, +had been very difficult. As it was, I was merely a +good average student, feeling my isolation as the +only woman in my class, but certainly not spurring +on my men associates by the display of any brilliant +gifts. Naturally, I missed a great deal of class +fellowship and class support, and throughout my +entire course I rarely entered my class-room with- +out the abysmal conviction that I was not really +wanted there. But some of the men were good- +humoredly cordial, and several of them are among +my friends to-day. Between myself and my family +there still existed the breach I had created when +I began to preach. With the exception of Mary and +James, my people openly regarded me, during my +theological course, as a dweller in outer darkness, +and even my mother's love was clouded by what +she felt to be my deliberate and persistent flouting +of her wishes. + +Toward the end of my university experience, how- +ever, an incident occurred which apparently changed +my mother's viewpoint. She was now living with +my sister Mary, in Big Rapids, Michigan, and, on +the occasion of one of my rare and brief visits to +them I was invited to preach in the local church. +Here, for the first time, my mother heard me. +Dutifully escorted by one of my brothers, she at- +tended church that morning in a state of shivering +nervousness. I do not know what she expected me +to do or say, but toward the end of the sermon it +became clear that I had not justified her fears. +The look of intense apprehension left her eyes, her +features relaxed into placidity, and later in the day +she paid me the highest compliment I had yet re- +ceived from a member of my family. + +``I liked the sermon very much,'' she peacefully +told my brother. ``Anna didn't say anything about +hell, or about anything else!'' + +When we laughed at this handsome tribute, she +hastened to qualify it. + +``What I mean,'' she explained, ``is that Anna +didn't say anything objectionable in the pulpit!'' +And with this recognition I was content. + +Between the death of my friend and my departure +for Europe I buried myself in the work of the uni- +versity and of my little church; and as if in answer +to the call of my need, Mary E. Livermore, who had +given me the first professional encouragement I +had ever received, re-entered my life. Her husband, +like myself, was pastor of a church in Hingham, and +whenever his finances grew low, or there was need +of a fund for some special purpose--conditions that +usually exist in a small church--his brilliant wife +came to his assistance and raised the money, while +her husband retired modestly to the background +and regarded her with adoring eyes. On one of +these occasions, I remember, when she entered the +pulpit to preach her sermon, she dropped her bon- +net and coat on an unoccupied chair. A little later +there was need of this chair, and Mr. Livermore, +who sat under the pulpit, leaned forward, picked up +the garments, and, without the least trace of self- +consciousness, held them in his lap throughout the +sermon. One of the members of the church, who +appeared to be irritated by the incident, later spoke +of it to him and added, sardonically, ``How does it +feel to be merely `Mrs. Livermore's husband'?'' + +In reply Mr. Livermore flashed on him one of his +charming smiles. ``Why, I'm very proud of it,'' +he said, with the utmost cheerfulness. ``You see, +I'm the only man in the world who has that dis- +tinction.'' + +They were a charming couple, the Livermores, +and they deserved far more than they received from +a world to which they gave so freely and so richly. +To me, as to others, they were more than kind; and +I never recall them without a deep feeling of grati- +tude and an equally deep sense of loss in their passing. + +It was during this period, also, that I met Frances +E. Willard. There was a great Moody revival in +progress in Boston, and Miss Willard was the right- +hand assistant of Mr. Moody. To her that revival +must have been marked with a star, for during it +she met for the first time Miss Anna Gordon, who +became her life-long friend and her biographer. +The meetings also laid the foundation of our friend- +ship, and for many years Miss Willard and I were +closely associated in work and affection. + +On the second or third night of the revival, dur- +ing one of the ``mixed meetings,'' attended by both +women and men, Mr. Moody invited those who were +willing to talk to sinners to come to the front. I +went down the aisle with others, and found a seat +near Miss Willard, to whom I was then introduced +by some one who knew us both. I wore my hair +short in those days, and I had a little fur cap on my +head. Though I had been preaching for several +years, I looked absurdly young--far too young, it +soon became evident, to interest Mr. Moody. He +was already moving about among the men and +women who had responded to his invitation, and +one by one he invited them to speak, passing me +each time until at last I was left alone. Then he +took pity on me and came to my side to whisper +kindly that I had misunderstood his invitation. +He did not want young girls to talk to his people, +he said, but mature women with worldly experi- +ence. He advised me to go home to my mother, +adding, to soften the blow, that some time in the +future when there were young girls at the meeting +I could come and talk to them. + +I made no explanations to him, but started to +leave, and Miss Willard, who saw me departing, fol- +lowed and stopped me. She asked why I was going, +and I told her that Mr. Moody had sent me home +to grow. Frances Willard had a keen sense of humor, +and she enjoyed the joke so thoroughly that she +finally convinced me it was amusing, though at first +the humor of it had escaped me. She took me back +to Mr. Moody and explained the situation to him, +and he apologized and put me to work. He said +he had thought I was about sixteen. After that I +occasionally helped him in the intervals of my other +work. + +The time had come to follow Mrs. Addy's wishes +and go to Europe, and I sailed in the month of +June following my graduation, and traveled for three +months with a party of tourists under the direction +of Eben Tourgee, of the Boston Conservatory of +Music. We landed in Glasgow, and from there +went to England, Belgium, Holland, Germany, +France, and last of all to Italy. Our company in- +cluded many clergymen and a never-to-be-forgotten +widow whose light-hearted attitude toward the mem- +ory of her departed spouse furnished the comedy +of our first voyage. It became a pet diversion to +ask her if her husband still lived, for she always +answered the question in the same mournful words, +and with the same manner of irrepressible gaiety. + +``Oh no!'' she would chirp. ``My dear departed +has been in our Heavenly Father's house for the +past eight years!'' + +At its best, the vacation without my friend was +tragically incomplete, and only a few of its incidents +stand out with clearness across the forty-six years +that have passed since then. One morning, I re- +member, I preached an impromptu sermon in the +Castle of Heidelberg before a large gathering; and +a little later, in Genoa, I preached a very different +sermon to a wholly different congregation. There +was a gospel-ship in the harbor, and one Saturday +the pastor of it came ashore to ask if some American +clergyman in our party would preach on his ship +the next morning. He was an old-time, orthodox +Presbyterian, and from the tips of his broad-soled +shoes to the severe part in the hair above his sancti- +monious brow he looked the type. I was not pres- +sent when he called at our hotel, and my absence +gave my fellow-clergymen an opportunity to play a +joke on the gentleman from the gospel-ship. They +assured him that ``Dr. Shaw'' would preach for him, +and the pastor returned to his post greatly pleased. +When they told me of his invitation, however, they +did not add that they had neglected to tell him Dr. +Shaw was a woman, and I was greatly elated by +the compliment I thought had been paid me. + +Our entire party of thirty went out to the gospel- +ship the next morning, and when the pastor came +to meet us, lank and forbidding, his austere lips vainly +trying to curve into a smile of welcome, they intro- +duced me to him as the minister who was to deliver +the sermon. He had just taken my hand; he +dropped it as if it had burned his own. For a mo- +ment he had no words to meet the crisis. Then he +stuttered something to the effect that the situation +was impossible that his men would not listen to +a woman, that they would mob her, that it would +be blasphemous for a woman to preach. My asso- +ciates, who had so light-heartedly let me in for this +unpleasant experience, now realized that they must +see me through it. They persuaded him to allow +me to preach the sermon. + +With deep reluctance the pastor finally accepted +me and the situation; but when the moment came +to introduce me, he devoted most of his time to +heartfelt apologies for my presence. He explained +to the sailors that I was a woman, and fervidly +assured them that he himself was not responsible +for my appearance there. With every word he ut- +tered he put a brick in the wall he was building be- +tween me and the crew, until at last I felt that I +could never get past it. I was very unhappy, very +lonely, very homesick; and suddenly the thought +came to me that these men, notwithstanding their +sullen eyes and forbidding faces, might be lonely +and homesick, too. I decided to talk to them as a +woman and not as a minister, and I came down from +the pulpit and faced them on their own level, look- +ing them over and mentally selecting the hardest +specimens of the lot as the special objects of my +appeal. One old fellow, who looked like a pirate +with his red-rimmed eyes, weather-beaten skin, and +fimbriated face, grinned up at me in such sardonic +challenge that I walked directly in front of him and +began to speak. I said: + +``My friends, I hope you will forget everything +Dr. Blank has just said. It is true that I am a +minister, and that I came here to preach. But now +I do not intend to preach--only to have a friendly +talk, on a text which is not in the Bible. I am very +far from home, and I feel as homesick as some of +you men look. So my text is, `Blessed are the home- +sick, for they shall go home.' '' + +In my summers at Cape Cod I had learned some- +thing about sailors. I knew that in the inprepos- +sessing congregation before me there were many +boys who had run away from home, and men who +had left home because of family troubles. I talked +to the young men first, to those who had forgotten +their mothers and thought their mothers had for- +gotten them, and I told of my experiences with +waiting, heavy-hearted mothers who had sons at +sea. Some heads went down at that, and here and +there I saw a boy gulp, but the old fellow I was par- +ticularly anxious to move still grinned up at me like +a malicious monkey. Then I talked of the sailor's +wife, and of her double burden of homemaking and +anxiety, and soon I could pick out some of the hus- +bands by their softened faces. But still my old +man grinned and squinted. Last of all I described +the whalers who were absent from home for years, +and who came back to find their children and their +grandchildren waiting for them. I told how I had +seen them, in our New England coast towns, covered, +as a ship is covered with barnacles, by grandchildren +who rode on their shoulders and sat astride of their +necks as they walked down the village streets. And +now at last the sneer left my old man's loose lips. +He had grandchildren somewhere. He twisted un- +easily in his seat, coughed, and finally took out a big +red handkerchief and wiped his eyes. The episode +encouraged me. + +``When I came here,'' I added, ``I intended to +preach a sermon on `The Heavenly Vision.' Now I +want to give you a glimpse of that in addition to +the vision we have had of home.'' + +I ended with a bit of the sermon and a prayer, +and when I raised my head the old man of the sar- +donic grin was standing before me. + +``Missus,'' he said in a husky whisper, ``I'd like +to shake your hand.'' + +I took his hard old fist, and then, seeing that +many of the other sailors were beginning to move +hospitably but shyly toward me, I said: + +``I would like to shake hands with every man +here.'' + +At the words they surged forward, and the affair +became a reception, during which I shook hands +with every sailor of my congregation. The next day +my hand was swollen out of shape, for the sailors had +gripped it as if they were hauling on a hawser; but +the experience was worth the discomfort. The best +moment of the morning came, however, when the +pastor of the ship faced me, goggle-eyed and mar- +veling. + +``I wouldn't have believed it,'' was all he could +say. ``I thought the men would mob you.'' + +``Why should they mob me?'' I wanted to know. + +``Why,'' he stammered, ``because the thing is so +--so--unnatural.'' + +``Well,'' I said, ``if it is unnatural for women to +talk to men, we have been living in an unnatural +world for a long time. Moreover, if it is unnatural, +why did Jesus send a woman out as the first preach- +er?'' + +He waived a discussion of that question by invit- +ing us all to his cabin to drink wine with him--and +as we were ``total abstainers,'' it seemed as un- +natural to us to have him offer us wine as a woman's +preaching had seemed to him. + +The next European incident on which memory +throws a high-light was our audience with Pope +Leo XIII. As there were several distinguished +Americans in our party, a private audience was ar- +ranged for us, and for days before the time appointed +we nervously rehearsed the etiquette of the oc- +casion. When we reached the Vatican we were +marched between rows of Swiss Guards to the +Throne Room, only to learn there that we were to +be received in the Tapestry Room. Here we found +a very impressive assemblage of cardinals and +Vatican officials, and while we were still lost in the +beauty of the picture they made against the room's +superb background, the approach of the Pope was +announced. Every one immediately knelt, except a +few persons who tried to show their democracy by +standing; but I am sure that even these individuals +felt a thrill when the slight, exquisite figure appeared +at the door and gave us a general benediction. Then +the Pope passed slowly down the line, offering his +hand to each of us, and radiating a charm so gracious +and so human that few failed to respond to the +appeal of his engaging personality. There was +nothing fleshly about Leo XIII. His body was so +frail, so wraithlike, that one almost expected to see +through it the magnificent tapestries on the walls. +But from the moment he appeared every eye clung +to him, every thought was concentrated upon him. +This effect I think he would have produced even if +he had come among us unrecognized, for through +the thin shell that housed it shone the steady flame +of a wonderful spirit. + +I had previously remarked to my friends that +kissing the Pope's ring after so many other lips had +touched it did not appeal to me as hygienic, and that +I intended to kiss his hand instead. When my op- +portunity came I kept my word; but after I had +kissed the venerable hand I remained kneeling for +an instant with bowed head, a little aghast at my +daring. The gentle Father thought, however, that +I was waiting for a special blessing. He gave it to +me gravely and passed on, and I devoted the next +few hours to ungodly crowing over the associ- +ates who had received no such individual atten- +tion. + +In Venice we attended the great fete celebrating +the first visit of King Humbert and Queen Mar- +gherita. It was also the first time Venice had en- +tertained a queen since the Italian union, and the +sea-queen of the Adriatic outdid herself in the gor- +geousness and the beauty of her preparations. The +Grand Canal was like a flowing rainbow, reflecting +the brilliant decorations on every side, and at night +the moonlight, the music, the chiming church-bells, +the colored lanterns, the gay voices, the lapping +waters against the sides of countless gondolas made +the experience seem like a dream of a new and un- +believably beautiful world. Forty thousand per- +sons were gathered in the Square of St. Mark and +in front of the Palace, and I recall a pretty incident +in which the gracious Queen and a little street +urchin figured. The small, ragged boy had crept +as close to the royal balcony as he dared, and then, +unobserved, had climbed up one of its pillars. At +the moment when a sudden hush had fallen on the +crowd this infant, overcome by patriotism and a +glimpse of the royal lady on the balcony above him, +suddenly piped up shrilly in the silence. `` Long live +the Queen!'' he cried. ``Long live the Queen!'' + +The gracious Margherita heard the childish voice, +and, amused and interested, leaned over the bal- +cony to see where it came from. What she saw +doubtless touched the mother-heart in her. She +caught the eye of the tattered urchin clinging to the +pillar, and radiantly smiled on him. Then, prob- +ably thinking that the King was absorbing the at- +tention of the great assemblage, she indulged in a +little diversion. Leaning far forward, she kissed the +tip of her lace handkerchief and swept it caressingly +across the boy's brown cheek, smiling down at him +as unconsciously as if she and the enraptured young- +ster were alone together in the world. The next +instant she had straightened up and flushed, for the +watchful crowd had seen the episode and was wild +with enthusiasm. For ten minutes the people +cheered the Queen without ceasing, and for the next +few days they talked of little but the spontaneous, +girlish action which had delighted them all. + +One more sentimental record, and I shall have +reached another mile-stone. As I have said, my +friend Mrs. Addy left me in her will fifteen hundred +dollars for my visit to Europe, and before I sailed +her father, who was one of the best friends I have +ever had, made a characteristically kind proposition +in connection with the little fund. Instead of giving +me the money, he gave me two railroad bonds, one +for one thousand dollars, the other for five hundred +dollars, and each drawing seven per cent. interest. +He suggested that I deposit these bonds in the bank +of which he was president, and borrow from the +bank the money to go abroad. Then, when I re- +turned and went into my new parish, I could use +some of my salary every month toward repaying +the loan. These monthly payments, he explained, +could be as small as I wished, but each month the +interest on the amount I paid would cease. I glad- +ly took his advice and borrowed seven hundred +dollars. After I returned from Europe I repaid the +loan in monthly instalments, and eventually got my +bonds, which I still own. They will mature in 1916. +I have had one hundred and five dollars a year from +them, in interest, ever since I received them in 1878 +--more than twice as much interest as their face +value--and every time I have gone abroad I have +used this interest toward paying my passage. Thus +my friend has had a share in each of the many visits +I have made to Europe, and in all of them her +memory has been vividly with me. + +With my return from Europe my real career as +a minister began. The year in the pulpit at Hing- +ham had been merely tentative, and though I had +succeeded in building up the church membership to +four times what it had been when I took charge, I +was not reappointed. I had paid off a small church +debt, and had had the building repaired, painted, and +carpeted. Now that it was out of its difficulties it +offered some advantages to the occupant of its pul- +pit, and of these my successor, a man, received the +benefit. I, however, had small ground for com- +plaint, for I was at once offered and accepted the +pastorate of a church at East Dennis, Cape Cod. +Here I went in October, 1878, and here I spent seven +of the most interesting years of my life. + + + +V + +SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +On my return from Europe, as I have said, I +took up immediately and most buoyantly the +work of my new parish. My previous occupation +of various pulpits, whether long or short, had always +been in the role of a substitute. Now, for the first +time, I had a church of my own, and was to stand +or fall by the record made in it. The ink was barely +dry on my diploma from the Boston Theological +School, and, as it happened, the little church to +which I was called was in the hands of two warring +factions, whose battles furnished the most fervid +interest of the Cape Cod community. But my in- +experience disturbed me not at all, and I was bliss- +fully ignorant of the division in the congregation. +So I entered my new field as trustfully as a child +enters a garden; and though I was in trouble from +the beginning, and resigned three times in startling +succession, I ended by remaining seven years. + +My appointment did not cause even a lull in the +warfare among my parishioners. Before I had +crossed the threshold of my church I was made to +realize that I was shepherd of a divided flock. +Exactly what had caused the original breach I never +learned; but it had widened with time, until it +seemed that no peacemaker could build a bridge +large enough to span it. As soon as I arrived in +East Dennis each faction tried to pour into my ears +its bitter criticisms of the other, but I made and +consistently followed the safe rule of refusing to +listen to either side, I announced publicly that I +would hear no verbal charges whatever, but that if +my two flocks would state their troubles in writing +I would call a board meeting to discuss and pass +upon them. This they both resolutely refused to +do (it was apparently the first time they had ever +agreed on any point); and as I steadily declined +to listen to complaints, they devised an original +method of putting them before me. + +During the regular Thursday-night prayer-meet- +ing, held about two weeks after my arrival, and at +which, of course, I presided, they voiced their diffi- +culties in public prayer, loudly and urgently calling +upon the Lord to pardon such and such a liar, men- +tioning the gentleman by name, and such and such +a slanderer, whose name was also submitted. By +the time the prayers were ended there were few un- +tarnished reputations in the congregation, and I +knew, perforce, what both sides had to say. + +The following Thursday night they did the same +thing, filling their prayers with intimate and sur- +prising details of one another's history, and I en- +dured the situation solely because I did not know +how to meet it. I was still young, and my theo- +logical course had set no guide-posts on roads as +new as these. To interfere with souls in their com- +munion with God seemed impossible; to let them +continue to utter personal attacks in church, under +cover of prayer, was equally impossible. Any course I +could follow seemed to lead away from my new parish, +yet both duty and pride made prompt action neces- +sary. By the time we gathered for the third prayer- +meeting I had decided what to do, and before the +services began I rose and addressed my erring chil- +dren. I explained that the character of the prayers +at our recent meetings was making us the laughing- +stock of the community, that unbelievers were +ridiculing our religion, and that the discipline of +the church was being wrecked; and I ended with +these words, each of which I had carefully weighed: + +``Now one of two things must happen. Either +you will stop this kind of praying, or you will re- +main away from our meetings. We will hold prayer- +meetings on another night, and I shall refuse ad- +mission to any among you who bring personal criti- +cisms into your public prayers.'' + +As I had expected it to do, the announcement +created an immediate uproar. Both factions sprang +to their feet, trying to talk at once. The storm +raged until I dismissed the congregation, telling the +members that their conduct was an insult to the +Lord, and that I would not listen to either their +protests or their prayers. They went unwillingly, +but they went; and the excitement the next day +raised the sick from their beds to talk of it, and +swept the length and breadth of Cape Cod. The +following Sunday the little church held the largest +attendance in its history. Seemingly, every man +and woman in town had come to hear what more +I would say about the trouble, but I ignored the +whole matter. I preached the sermon I had pre- +pared, the subject of which was as remote from +church quarrels as our atmosphere was remote from +peace, and my congregation dispersed with expres- +sions of such artless disappointment that it was all +I could do to preserve a dignified gravity. + +That night, however, the war was brought into +my camp. At the evening meeting the leader of one +of the factions rose to his feet with the obvious pur- +pose of starting trouble. He was a retired sea-cap- +tain, of the ruthless type that knocks a man down +with a belaying-pin, and he made his attack on me +in a characteristically ``straight from the shoulder'' +fashion. He began with the proposition that my +morning sermon had been ``entirely contrary to the +Scriptures,'' and for ten minutes he quoted and mis- +quoted me, hammering in his points. I let him go +on without interruption. Then he added: + +``And this gal comes to this church and under- +takes to tell us how we shall pray. That's a high- +handed measure, and I, for one, ain't goin' to stand +it. I want to say right here that I shall pray as I +like, when I like, and where I like. I have prayed +in this heavenly way for fifty years before that gal +was born, and she can't dictate to me now!'' + +By this time the whole congregation was aroused, +and cries of ``Sit down!'' ``Sit down!'' came from +every side of the church. It was a hard moment, +but I was able to rise with some show of dignity. +I was hurt through and through, but my fighting +blood was stirring. + +``No,'' I said, ``Captain Sears has the floor. Let +him say now all he wishes to say, for it is the last +time he will ever speak at one of our meetings.'' + +Captain Sears, whose exertions had already made +him apoplectic, turned a darker purple. ``What's +that?'' he shouted. ``What d'ye mean?'' + +``I mean,'' I replied, ``that I do not intend to +allow you or anybody else to interfere with my +meetings. You are a sea-captain. What would +you do to me if I came on board your ship and +started a mutiny in your crew, or tried to give you +orders?'' + +Captain Sears did not reply. He stood still, with +his legs far apart and braced, as he always stood +when talking, but his eyes shifted a little. I answered +my own question. + +``You would put me ashore or in irons,'' I re- +minded him. ``Now, Captain Sears, I intend to +put you ashore. I am the master of this ship. I +have set my course, and I mean to follow it. If +you rebel, either you will get out or I will. But +until the board asks for my resignation, I am in +command.'' + +As it happened, I had put my ultimatum in the +one form the old man could understand. He sat +down without a word and stared at me. We sang +the Doxology, and I dismissed the meeting. Again +we had omitted prayers. The next day Captain +Sears sent me a letter recalling his subscription tow- +ard the support of the church; and for weeks he +remained away from our services, returning under +conditions I will mention later. Even at the time, +however, his attack helped rather than hurt me. +At the regular meeting the following Thursday +night no personal criticisms were included in the +prayers, and eventually we had peace. But many +battles were lost and won before that happy day +arrived. + +Captain Sears's vacant place among us was +promptly taken by another captain in East Dennis, +whose name was also Sears. A few days after my +encounter with the first captain I met the second on +the street. He had never come to church, and I +stopped and invited him to do so. He replied with +simple candor. + +``I ain't comin','' he told me. ``There ain't no +gal that can teach me nothin'.'' + +``Perhaps you are wrong, Captain Sears,'' I re- +plied. ``I might teach you something.'' + +``What?'' demanded the captain, with chilling +distrust. + +``Oh,'' I said, cheerfully, ``let us say tolerance, for +one thing.'' + +``Humph!'' muttered the old man. ``The Lord +don't want none of your tolerance, and neither +do I.'' + +I laughed. ``He doesn't object to tolerance,'' I +said. ``Come to church. You can talk, too; and +the Lord will listen to us both.'' + +To my surprise, the captain came the following +Sunday, and during the seven years I remained in +the church he was one of my strongest supporters +and friends. I needed friends, for my second battle +was not slow in following my first. There was, in- +deed, barely time between in which to care for the +wounded. + +We had in East Dennis what was known as the +``Free Religious Group,'' and when some of the +members of my congregation were not wrangling +among themselves, they were usually locking horns +with this group. For years, I was told, one of the +prime diversions of the ``Free Religious'' faction +was to have a dance in our town hall on the night +when we were using it for our annual church fair. +The rules of the church positively prohibited danc- +ing, so the worldly group took peculiar pleasure in +attending the fair, and during the evening in getting +up a dance and whirling about among us, to the +horror of our members. Then they spent the re- +mainder of the year boasting of the achievement. +It came to my ears that they had decided to follow +this pleasing programme at our Christmas church +celebration, so I called the church trustees together +and put the situation to them. + +``We must either enforce our discipline,'' I said, +``or give it up. Personally I do not object to danc- +ing, but, as the church has ruled against it, I intend +to uphold the church. To allow these people to +make us ridiculous year after year is impossible. +Let us either tell them that they may dance or that +they may not dance; but whatever we tell them, +let us make them obey our ruling.'' + +The trustees were shocked at the mere suggestion +of letting them dance. + +``Very well,'' I ended. ``Then they shall not +dance. That is understood.'' + +Captain Crowell, the father of my dead friend +Mrs. Addy, and himself my best man friend, was a +strong supporter of the Free Religious Group. +When its members raced to him with the news that +I had said they could not dance at the church's +Christmas party, Captain Crowell laughed good- +humoredly and told them to dance as much as they +pleased, cheerfully adding that he would get them +out of any trouble they got into. Knowing my +friendship for him, and that I even owed my church +appointment to him, the Free Religious people +were certain that I would never take issue with him +on dancing or on any other point. They made all +their preparations for the dance, therefore, with +entire confidence, and boasted that the affair would +be the gayest they had ever arranged. My people +began to look at me with sympathy, and for a time +I felt very sorry for myself. It seemed sufficiently +clear that ``the gal'' was to have more trouble. + +On the night of the party things went badly from +the first. There was an evident intention among +the worst of the Free Religious Group to embarrass +us at every turn. We opened the exercises with the +Lord's Prayer, which this element loudly applauded. +A live kitten was hung high on the Christmas tree, +where it squalled mournfully beyond reach of +rescue, and the young men of the outside group +threw cake at one another across the hall. Finally +tiring of these innocent diversions, they began to +prepare for their dance, and I protested. The +spokesman of the group waved me to one side. + +``Captain Crowell said we could,'' he remarked, +airily. + +``Captain Crowell,'' I replied, ``has no authority +whatever in this matter. The church trustees have +decided that you cannot dance here, and I intend +to enforce their ruling.'' + +It was interesting to observe how rapidly the +men of my congregation disappeared from that hall. +Like shadows they crept along the walls and vanished +through the doors. But the preparations for the +dance went merrily on. I walked to the middle of +the room and raised my voice. I was always listened +to, for my hearers always had the hope, usually +realized, that I was about to get into more trouble. + +``You are determined to dance,'' I began. ``I +cannot keep you from doing so. But I can and will +make you regret that you have done so. The law +of the State of Massachusetts is very definite in re- +gard to religious meetings and religious gatherings. +This hall was engaged and paid for by the Wesleyan +Methodist Church, of which I am pastor, and we +have full control of it to-night. Every man and +woman who interrupts our exercises by attempting +to dance, or by creating a disturbance of any kind, +will be arrested to-morrow morning.'' + +Surprise at first, then consternation, swept through +the ranks of the Free Religious Group. They denied +the existence of such a law as I had mentioned, and +I promptly read it aloud to them. The leaders went +off into a corner and consulted. By this time not +one man in my parish was left in the hall. As a +result of the consultation in the corner, a committee +of the would-be dancers came to me and suggested +a compromise. + +``Will you agree to arrest the men only?'' they +wanted to know. + +``No,'' I declared. ``On the contrary, I shall have +the women arrested first! For the women ought to +be standing with me now in the support of law and +order, instead of siding with the hoodlum element +you represent.'' + +That settled it. No girl or woman dared to go +on the dancing-floor, and no man cared to revolve +merrily by himself. A whisper went round, how- +ever, that the dance would begin when I had left. +When the clock struck twelve, at which hour, ac- +cording to the town rule, the hall had to be closed, +I was the last person to leave it. Then I locked the +door myself, and carried the key away with me. +There had been no Free Religious dance that night. + +On the following Sunday morning the attendance +at my church broke all previous records. Every +seat was occupied and every aisle was filled. Men +and women came from surrounding towns, and +strange horses were tied to all the fences in East +Dennis. Every person in that church was looking +for excitement, and this time my congregation got +what it expected. Before I began my sermon I +read my resignation, to take effect at the discretion +of the trustees. Then, as it was presumably my +last chance to tell the people and the place what I +thought of them, I spent an hour and a half in fer- +vidly doing so. In my study of English I had ac- +quired a fairly large vocabulary. I think I used it +all that morning--certainly I tried to. If ever an +erring congregation and community saw themselves +as they really were, mine did on that occasion. I +was heartsick, discouraged, and full of resentment +and indignation, which until then had been pent +up. Under the arraignment my people writhed +and squirmed. I ended: + +``What I am saying hurts you, but in your hearts +you know you deserve every word of it. It is high +time you saw yourselves as you are--a disgrace to +the religion you profess and to the community you +live in.'' + +I was not sure the congregation would let me +finish, but it did. My hearers seemed torn by +conflicting sentiments, in which anger and curios- +ity led opposing sides. Many of them left the +church in a white fury, but others--more than I had +expected--remained to speak to me and assure me +of their sympathy. Once on the streets, different +groups formed and mingled, and all day the little +town rocked with arguments for and against ``the gal.'' + +Night brought another surprisingly large attend- +ance. I expected more trouble, and I faced it with +difficulty, for I was very tired. Just as I took my +place in the pulpit, Captain Sears entered the church +and walked down the aisle--the Captain Sears who +had left us at my invitation some weeks before +and had not since attended a church service. I was +sure he was there to make another attack on me +while I was down, and, expecting the worst, I +wearily gave him his opportunity. The big old fel- +low stood up, braced himself on legs far apart, as +if he were standing on a slippery deck during a high +sea, and gave the congregation its biggest surprise +of the year. + +He said he had come to make a confession. He +had been angry with ``the gal'' in the past, as they +all knew. But he had heard about the sermon she +had preached that morning, and this time she was +right. It was high time quarreling and backbiting +were stopped. They had been going on too long, +and no good could come of them. Moreover, in +all the years he had been a member of that congre- +gation he had never until now seen the pulpit oc- +cupied by a minister with enough backbone to up- +hold the discipline of the church. ``I've come here +to say I'm with the gal,'' he ended. ``Put me down +for my original subscription and ten dollars extra!'' + +So we had the old man back again. He was a +tower of strength, and he stood by me faithfully +until he died. The trustees would not accept my +resignation (indeed, they refused to consider it at all), +and the congregation, when it had thought things +over, apparently decided that there might be worse +things in the pulpit than ``the gal.'' It was even +known to brag of what it called my ``spunk,'' and +perhaps it was this quality, rather than any other, +which I most needed in that particular parish at +that time. As for me, when the fight was over I +dropped it from my mind, and it had not entered +my thoughts for years, until I began to summon +these memories. + +At the end of my first six months in East Dennis +I was asked to take on, also, the temporary charge +of the Congregational Church at Dennis, two miles +and a half away. I agreed to do this until a per- +manent pastor could be found, on condition that I +should preach at Dennis on Sunday afternoons, using +the same sermon I preached in my own pulpit in the +morning. The arrangement worked so well that it +lasted for six and a half years--until I resigned from +my East Dennis church. During that period, more- +over, I not only carried the two churches on my +shoulders, holding three meetings each Sunday, but +I entered upon and completed a course in the +Boston Medical School, winning my M.D. in 1885, +and I also lectured several times a month during +the winter seasons. These were, therefore, among +the most strenuous as well as the most interesting +years of my existence, and I mention the strain of +them only to prove my life-long contention, that +congenial work, no matter how much there is of +it, has never yet killed any one! + +After my battle with the Free Religious Group +things moved much more smoothly in the parish. +Captain Crowell, instead of resenting my defiance +of his ruling, helped to reconcile the divided factions +in the church; and though, as I have said, twice +afterward I submitted my resignation, in each case +the fight I was making was for a cause which I +firmly believed in and eventually won. My second +resignation was brought about by the unwillingness +of the church to have me exchange pulpits with the +one minister on Cape Cod broad-minded enough to +invite me to preach in his pulpit. I had done so, +and had then sent him a return invitation. He was +a gentleman and a scholar, but he was also a Uni- +tarian; and though my people were willing to let +me preach in his church, they were loath to let him +preach in mine. After a surprising amount of dis- +cussion my resignation put a different aspect on the +matter; it also led to the satisfactory ruling that +I could exchange pulpits not only with this minister, +but with any other in good standing in his own +church. + +My third resignation went before the trustees in +consequence of my protest from the pulpit against +a small drinking and gambling saloon in East Dennis; +which was rapidly demoralizing our boys. Theo- +retically, only ``soft drinks'' were sold, but the +gambling was open, and the resort was constantly +filled with boys of all ages. There were influences +back of this place which tried to protect it, and its +owner was very popular in the town. After my first +sermon I was waited upon by a committee, that +warmly advised me to ``let East Dennis alone'' and +confine my criticisms ``to saloons in Boston and +other big towns.'' As I had nothing to do with +Boston, and much to do with East Dennis, I preached +on that place three Sundays in succession, and +feeling became so intense that I handed in my resig- +nation and prepared to depart. Then my friends +rallied and the resort was suppressed. + +That was my last big struggle. During the re- +maining five years of my pastorate on Cape Cod +the relations between my people and myself were +wholly harmonious and beautiful. If I have seemed +to dwell too much on these small victories, it must +be remembered that I find in them such comfort as +I can. I have not yet won the great and vital fight +of my life, to which I have given myself, heart and +soul, for the past thirty years--the campaign for +woman suffrage. I have seen victories here and +there, and shall see more. But when the ultimate +triumph comes--when American women in every +state cast their ballots as naturally as their husbands +do--I may not be in this world to rejoice over it. + +It is interesting to remember that during the +strenuous period of the first few months in East +Dennis, and notwithstanding the division in the +congregation, we women of the church got together +and repainted and refurnished the building, raising +all the money and doing much of the work ourselves, +as the expense of having it done was prohibitive. We +painted the church, and even cut down and mod- +ernized the pulpit. The total cost of material and +furniture was not half so great as the original esti- +mate had indicated, and we had learned a valuable +lesson. After this we spent very little money for +labor, but did our own cleaning, carpet-laying, and +the like; and our little church, if I may be allowed +to say so, was a model of neatness and good taste. + +I have said that at the end of two years from the +time of my appointment the long-continued war- +fare in the church was ended. I was not immediate- +ly allowed, however, to bask in an atmosphere of +harmony, for in October, 1880, the celebrated con- +test over my ordination took place at the Methodist +Protestant Conference in Tarrytown, New York; +and for three days I was a storm-center around which +a large number of truly good and wholly sincere +men fought the fight of their religious lives. Many +of them strongly believed that women were out of +place in the ministry. I did not blame them for +this conviction. But I was in the ministry, and I +was greatly handicapped by the fact that, although +I was a licensed preacher and a graduate of the +Boston Theological School, I could not, until I had +been regularly ordained, meet all the functions of +my office. I could perform the marriage service, +but I could not baptize. I could bury the dead, but +I could not take members into my church. That had +to be done by the presiding elder or by some other +minister. I could not administer the sacraments. +So at the New England Spring Conference of the +Methodist Episcopal Church, held in Boston in +1880, I formally applied for ordination. At the same +time application was made by another woman-- +Miss Anna Oliver--and as a preliminary step we +were both examined by the Conference board, and +were formally reported by that board as fitted for +ordination. Our names were therefore presented at +the Conference, over which Bishop Andrews pre- +sided, and he immediately refused to accept them. +Miss Oliver and I were sitting together in the gal- +lery of the church when the bishop announced his +decision, and, while it staggered us, it did not really +surprise us. We had been warned of this gentle- +man's deep-seated prejudice against women in the +ministry. + +After the services were over Miss Oliver and I +called on him and asked him what we should do. +He told us calmly that there was nothing for us to +do but to get out of the Church. We reminded him +of our years of study and probation, and that I had +been for two years in charge of two churches. He +set his thin lips and replied that there was no place +for women in the ministry, and, as he then evidently +considered the interview ended, we left him with +heavy hearts. While we were walking slowly away, +Miss Oliver confided to me that she did not intend +to leave the Church. Instead, she told me, she +would stay in and fight the matter of her ordination +to a finish. I, however, felt differently. I had done +considerable fighting during the past two years, and +my heart and soul were weary. I said: ``I shall get +out, I am no better and no stronger than a man, +and it is all a man can do to fight the world, the +flesh, and the devil, without fighting his Church as +well. I do not intend to fight my Church. But I +am called to preach the gospel; and if I cannot +preach it in my own Church, I will certainly preach +it in some other Church!'' + +As if in response to this outburst, a young min- +ister named Mark Trafton soon called to see me. +He had been present at our Conference, he had seen +my Church refuse to ordain me, and he had come to +suggest that I apply for ordination in his Church-- +the Methodist Protestant. To leave my Church, +even though urged to do so by its appointed spokes- +man, seemed a radical step. Before taking this I +appealed from the decision of the Conference to the +General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal +Church, which held its session that year in Cin- +cinnati, Ohio. Miss Oliver also appealed, and again +we were both refused ordination, the General Con- +ference voting to sustain Bishop Andrews in his +decision. Not content with this achievement, the +Conference even took a backward step. It deprived +us of the right to be licensed as local preachers. +After this blow I recalled with gratitude the Reverend +Mark Trafton's excellent advice, and I immediately +applied for ordination in the Methodist Protestant +Church. My name was presented at the Conference +held in Tarrytown in October, 1880, and the fight +was on. + +During these Conferences it is customary for each +candidate to retire while the discussion of his in- +dividual fitness for ordination is in progress. When +my name came up I was asked, as my predecessors +had been, to leave the room for a few moments. I +went into an anteroom and waited--a half-hour, an +hour, all afternoon, all evening, and still the battle +raged. I varied the monotony of sitting in the ante- +room by strolls around Tarrytown, and I think I +learned to know its every stone and turn. The next +day passed in the same way. At last, late on Saturday +night, it was suddenly announced by my opponents +that I was not even a member of the Church in +which I had applied for ordination. The statement +created consternation among my friends. None of +us had thought of that! The bomb, timed to ex- +plode at the very end of the session, threatened to +destroy all my hopes. Of course, my opponents +had reasoned, it would be too late for me to do +anything, and my name would be dropped. + +But it was not too late. Dr. Lyman Davis, the +pastor of the Methodist Protestant Church in Tarry- +town, was very friendly toward me and my ordina- +tion, and he proved his friendship in a singularly +prompt and efficient fashion. Late as it was, he +immediately called together the trustees of his +church, and they responded. To them I made my +application for church membership, which they ac- +cepted within five minutes. I was now a member +of the Church, but it was too late to obtain any +further action from the Conference. The next day, +Sunday, all the men who had applied for ordination +were ordained, and I was left out. + +On Monday morning, however, when the Con- +ference met in its final business session, my case was +reopened, and I was eventually called before the +members to answer questions. Some of these were +extremely interesting, and several of the episodes +that occurred were very amusing. One old gentle- +man I can see as I write. He was greatly excited, +and he led the opposition by racing up and down +the aisles, quoting from the Scriptures to prove his +case against women ministers. As he ran about he +had a trick of putting his arms under the back of +his coat, making his coat-tails stand out like wings +and incidentally revealing two long white tape- +strings belonging to a flannel undergarment. Even +in the painful stress of those hours I observed with +interest how beautifully those tape-strings were +ironed! + +I was there to answer any questions that were +asked of me, and the questions came like hail- +stones in a sudden summer storm. + +``Paul said, `Wives, obey your husbands,' '' shouted +my old man of the coat-tails. ``Suppose your hus- +band should refuse to allow you to preach? What +then?'' + +``In the first place,'' I answered, ``Paul did not +say so, according to the Scriptures. But even if he +did, it would not concern me, for I am a spinster.'' + +The old man looked me over. ``You might marry +some day,'' he predicted, cautiously. + +``Possibly,'' I admitted. ``Wiser women than I +am have married. But it is equally possible that I +might marry a man who would command me to +preach; and in that case I want to be all ready to +obey him.'' + +At this another man, a bachelor, also began to +draw from the Scriptures. ``An elder,'' he quoted, +``shall be the husband of one wife.'' And he de- +manded, triumphantly, ``How is it possible for you +to be the husband of a wife?'' + +In response to that I quoted a bit myself. ``Paul +said, `Anathema unto him who addeth to or taketh +from the Scriptures,' '' I reminded this gentleman; +and added that a twisted interpretation of the +Scriptures was as bad as adding to or taking from +them, and that no one doubted that Paul was +warning the elders against polygamy. Then I went +a bit further, for by this time the absurd character +of the questions was getting on my nerves. + +``Even if my good brother's interpretation is cor- +rect,'' I said, ``he has overlooked two important +points. Though he is an elder, he is also a bachelor; +so I am as much of a husband as he is!'' + +A good deal of that sort of thing went on. The +most satisfactory episode of the session, to me, was +the downfall of three pert young men who in turn +tried to make it appear that as the duty of the Con- +ference was to provide churches for all its pastors, +I might become a burden to the Church if it proved +impossible to provide a pastorate for me. At that, +one of my friends in the council rose to his feet. + +``I have had official occasion to examine into the +matter of Miss Shaw's parish and salary,'' he said, +``and I know what salaries the last three speakers +are drawing. It may interest the Conference to +know that Miss Shaw's present salary equals the +combined salaries of the three young men who are +so afraid she will be a burden to the Church. If, +before being ordained, she can earn three times as +much as they now earn after being ordained, it seems +fairly clear that they will never have to support her. +We can only hope that she will never have to sup- +port them.'' + +The three young ministers subsided into their +seats with painful abruptness, and from that time +my opponents were more careful in their remarks. +Still, many unpleasant things were said, and too +much warmth was shown by both sides. We +gained ground through the day, however, and at +the end of the session the Conference, by a large +majority, voted to ordain me. + +The ordination service was fixed for the following +evening, and even the gentlemen who had most +vigorously opposed me were not averse to making +the occasion a profitable one. The contention had +already enormously advertised the Conference, and +the members now helped the good work along by +sending forth widespread announcements of the +result. They also decided that, as the attendance +at the service would be very large, they would take +up a collection for the support of superannuated +ministers. The three young men who had feared I +would become a burden were especially active in +the matter of this collection; and, as they had no +sense of humor, it did not seem incongruous to them +to use my ordination as a means of raising money +for men who had already become burdens to the +Church. + +When the great night came (on October 12, 1880), +the expected crowd came also. And to the credit +of my opponents I must add that, having lost their +fight, they took their defeat in good part and grace- +fully assisted in the services. Sitting in one of the +front pews was Mrs. Stiles, the wife of Dr. Stiles, +who was superintendent of the Conference. She +was a dear little old lady of seventy, with a big, +maternal heart; and when she saw me rise to walk +up the aisle alone, she immediately rose, too, came +to my side, offered me her arm, and led me to the +altar. + +The ordination service was very impressive and +beautiful. Its peace and dignity, following the +battle that had raged for days, moved me so deep- +ly that I was nearly overcome. Indeed, I was on +the verge of a breakdown when I was mercifully +saved by the clause in the discipline calling for the +pledge all ministers had to make--that I would +not indulge in the use of tobacco. When this vow +fell from my lips a perceptible ripple ran over the +congregation. + +I was homesick for my Cape Cod parish, and I +returned to East Dennis immediately after my +ordination, arriving there on Saturday night. I +knew by the suppressed excitement of my friends +that some surprise awaited me, but I did not learn +what it was until I entered my dear little church +the following morning. There I found the com- +munion-table set forth with a beautiful new com- +munion-service. This had been purchased during +my absence, that I might dedicate it that day and +for the first time administer the sacrament to my +people. + + +VI + +CAPE COD MEMORIES + +Looking back now upon those days, I see my +Cape Cod friends as clearly as if the interven- +ing years had been wiped out and we were again to- +gether. Among those I most loved were two widely +differing types--Captain Doane, a retired sea-cap- +tain, and Relief Paine, an invalid chained to her +couch, but whose beautiful influence permeated the +community like an atmosphere. Captain Doane +was one of the finest men I have ever known--high- +minded, tolerant, sympathetic, and full of under- +standing, He was not only my friend, but my +church barometer. He occupied a front pew, close +to the pulpit; and when I was preaching without +making much appeal he sat looking me straight in +the face, listening courteously, but without interest. +When I got into my subject, he would lean forward +--the angle at which he sat indicating the degree +of attention I had aroused--and when I was strongly +holding my congregation Brother Doane would bend +toward me, following every word I uttered with +corresponding motions of his lips. When I resigned +we parted with deep regret, but it was not until I +visited the church several years afterward that he +overcame his reserve enough to tell me how much +he had felt my going. + +``Oh, did you?'' I asked, greatly touched. ``You're +not saying that merely to please me?'' + +The old man's hand fell on my shoulder. ``I miss +you,'' he said, simply. ``I miss you all the time. +You see, I love you.'' Then, with precipitate self- +consciousness, he closed the door of his New England +heart, and from some remote corner of it sent out +his cautious after-thought. ``I love you,'' he re- +peated, primly, ``as a sister in the Lord.'' + +Relief Paine lived in Brewster. Her name seemed +prophetic, and she once told me that she had always +considered it so. Her brother-in-law was my Sun- +day-school superintendent, and her family belonged +to my church. Very soon after my arrival in East +Dennis I went to see her, and found her, as she al- +ways was, dressed in white and lying on a tiny white +bed covered with pansies, in a room whose windows +overlooked the sea. I shall never forget the picture +she made. Over her shoulders was an exquisite +white lace shawl brought from the other side of the +world by some seafaring friend, and against her +white pillow her hair seemed the blackest I had +ever seen. When I entered she turned and looked +toward me with wonderful dark eyes that were quite +blind, and as she talked her hands played with the +pansies around her. She loved pansies as she +loved few human beings, and she knew their colors +by touching them. She was then a little more than +thirty years of age. At sixteen she had fallen down- +stairs in the dark, receiving an injury that paralyzed +her, and for fifteen years she had lain on one side, +perfectly still, the Stella Maris of the Cape. All +who came to her, and they were many, went away +the better for the visit, and the mere mention of +her name along the coast softened eyes that had +looked too bitterly on life. + +Relief and I became close friends. I was greatly +drawn to her, and deeply moved by the tragedy of +her situation, as well as by the beautiful spirit with +which she bore it. During my first visit I regaled +her with stories of the community and of my own +experiences, and when I was leaving it occurred to +me that possibly I had been rather frivolous. So +I said: + +``I am coming to see you often, and when I come +I want to do whatever will interest you most. Shall +I bring some books and read to you?'' + +Relief smiled--the gay, mischievous little smile +I was soon to know so well, but which at first seemed +out of place on the tragic mask of her face. + +``No, don't read to me,'' she decided. ``There +are enough ready to do that. Talk to me. Tell +me about our life and our people here, as they +strike you.'' And she added, slowly: ``You are a +queer minister. You have not offered to pray with +me!'' + +``I feel,'' I told her, ``more like asking you to pray +for me.'' + +Relief continued her analysis. ``You have not +told me that my affliction was a visitation from God,'' +she added; ``that it was discipline and well for me +I had it.'' + +``I don't believe it was from God,'' I said. ``I +don't believe God had anything to do with it. And +I rejoice that you have not let it wreck your life.'' + +She pressed my hand. ``Thank you for saying +that,'' she murmured. ``If I thought God did it +I could not love Him, and if I did not love Him I +could not live. Please come and see me VERY often-- +and tell me stories!'' + +After that I collected stories for Relief. One of +those which most amused her, I remember, was about +my horse, and this encourages me to repeat it here. +In my life in East Dennis I did not occupy the lonely +little parsonage connected with my church, but in- +stead boarded with a friend--a widow named Cro- +well. (There seemed only two names in Cape Cod: +Sears and Crowell.) To keep in touch with my two +churches, which were almost three miles apart, it +became necessary to have a horse. As Mrs. Crowell +needed one, too, we decided to buy the animal in +partnership, and Miss Crowell, the daughter of the +widow, who knew no more about horses than I did, +undertook to lend me the support of her presence +and advice during the purchase. We did not care +to have the entire community take a passionate in- +terest in the matter, as it would certainly have done +if it had heard of our intention; so my friend and I +departed somewhat stealthily for a neighboring +town, where, we had heard, a very good horse was +offered for sale. We saw the animal and liked it; +but before closing the bargain we cannily asked the +owner if the horse was perfectly sound, and if it +was gentle with women. He assured us that it was +both sound and gentle with women, and to prove the +latter point he had his wife harness it to the buggy +and drive it around the stable-yard. The animal +behaved beautifully. After it had gone through +its paces, Miss Crowell and I leaned confidingly +against its side, patting it and praising its beauty, +and the horse seemed to enjoy our attentions. +We bought it then and there, drove it home, and +put it in our barn; and the next morning we hired +a man in the neighborhood to come over and take +care of it. + +He arrived. Five minutes later a frightful racket +broke out in the barn--sounds of stamping, kicking, +and plunging, mingled with loud shouts. We ran +to the scene of the trouble, and found our ``hired +man'' rushing breathlessly toward the house. When +he was able to speak he informed us that we had ``a +devil in there,'' pointing back to the barn, and that +the new horse's legs were in the air, all four of them +at once, the minute he went near her. We insisted +that he must have frightened or hurt her, but, sol- +emnly and with anxious looks behind, he protested +that he had not. Finally Miss Crowell and I went +into the barn, and received a dignified welcome from +the new horse, which seemed pleased by our visit. +Together we harnessed her and, without the least +difficulty, drove her out into the yard. As soon as +our man took the reins, however, she reared, kicked, +and smashed our brand-new buggy. We changed +the man and had the buggy repaired, but by the +end of the week the animal had smashed the buggy +again. Then, with some natural resentment, we +made a second visit to the man from whom we +had bought her, and asked him why he had sold +us such a horse. + +He said he had told us the exact truth. The horse +WAS sound and she WAS extremely gentle with women, +but--and this point he had seen no reason to men- +tion, as we had not asked about it--she would not +let a man come near her. He firmly refused to take +her back, and we had to make the best of the bar- +gain. As it was impossible to take care of her our- +selves, I gave some thought to the problem she pre- +sented, and finally devised a plan which worked very +well. I hired a neighbor who was a small, slight +man to take care of her, and made him wear his wife's +sunbonnet and waterproof cloak whenever he ap- +proached the horse. The picture he presented in +these garments still stands out pleasantly against the +background of my Cape Cod memories. The horse, +however, did not share our appreciation of it. She +was suspicious, and for a time she shied whenever +the man and his sunbonnet and cloak appeared; +but we stood by until she grew accustomed to them +and him; and as he was both patient and gentle, +she finally allowed him to harness and unharness +her. But no man could drive her, and when I +drove to church I was forced to hitch and un- +hitch her myself. No one else could do it, though +many a gallant and subsequently resentful man at- +tempted the feat. + +On one occasion a man I greatly disliked, and who I +had reason to know disliked me, insisted that he could +unhitch her, and started to do so, notwithstanding +my protests and explanations. At his approach she +rose on her hind-legs, and when he grasped her bridle +she lifted him off his feet. His expression as he +hung in mid-air was an extraordinary mixture of +surprise and regret. The moment I touched her, +however, she quieted down, and when I got into the +buggy and gathered up the reins she walked off like +a lamb, leaving the man staring after her with his +eyes starting from his head. + +The previous owner had called the horse Daisy, +and we never changed the name, though it always +seemed sadly inappropriate. Time proved, however, +that there were advantages in the ownership of +Daisy. No man would allow his wife or daughter +to drive behind her, and no one wanted to borrow +her. If she had been a different kind of animal she +would have been used by the whole community, +We kept Daisy for seven years, and our acquaintance +ripened into a pleasant friendship. + +Another Cape Cod resident to whose memory I +must offer tribute in these pages was Polly Ann +Sears--one of the dearest and best of my parish- +ioners. She had six sons, and when five had gone +to sea she insisted that the sixth must remain at +home. In vain the boy begged her to let him follow +his brothers. She stood firm. The sea, she said, +should not swallow all her boys; she had given it +five--she must keep one. + +As it happened, the son she kept at home was the +only one who was drowned. He was caught in a +fish-net and dragged under the waters of the bay +near his home; and when I went to see his mother +to offer such comfort as I could, she showed that +she had learned the big lesson of the experience. + +``I tried to be a special Providence,'' she moaned, +``and the one boy I kept home was the only boy +I lost. I ain't a-goin' to be a Providence no +more.'' + +The number of funerals on Cape Cod was tragi- +cally large. I was in great demand on these occa- +sions, and went all over the Cape, conducting fune- +ral services--which seemed to be the one thing people +thought I could do--and preaching funeral sermons. +Besides the victims of the sea, many of the resi- +dents who had drifted away were brought back to +sleep their last sleep within sound of the waves. +Once I asked an old sea-captain why so many Cape +Cod men and women who had been gone for years +asked to be buried near their old homes, and his reply +still lingers in my memory. He poked his toe in +the sand for a moment and then said, slowly: + +``Wal, I reckon it's because the Cape has such +warm, comfortable sand to lie down in.'' + +My friend Mrs. Addy lay in the Crowell family +lot, and during my pastorate at East Dennis I +preached the funeral sermon of her father, and later +of her mother. Long after I had left Cape Cod I +was frequently called back to say the last words +over the coffins of my old friends, and the saddest +of those journeys was the one I made in response to +a telegram from the mother of Relief Paine. When +I had arrived and we stood together beside the ex- +quisite figure that seemed hardly more quiet in +death than in life, Mrs. Paine voiced in her few +words the feeling of the whole community--``Where +shall we get our comfort and our inspiration, now +that Relief is gone?'' + +The funeral which took all my courage from me, +however, was that of my sister Mary. In its sudden- +ness, Mary's death, in 1883, was as a thunderbolt +from the blue; for she had been in perfect health +three days before she passed away. I was still in +charge of my two parishes in Cape Cod, but, as it +mercifully happened, before she was stricken I had +started West to visit Mary in her home at Big +Rapids. When I arrived on the second day of her +illness, knowing nothing of it until I reached her, +I found her already past hope. Her disease was +pneumonia, but she was conscious to the end, and +her greatest desire seemed to be to see me christen +her little daughter and her husband before she left +them. This could not be realized, for my brother- +in-law was absent on business, and with all his +haste in returning did not reach his wife's side until +after her death. As his one thought then was to +carry out her last wishes, I christened him and his +little girl just before the funeral; and during the +ceremony we all experienced a deep conviction +that Mary knew and was content. + +She had become a power in her community, and +was so dearly loved that on the day her body was +borne to its last resting-place all the business houses +in Big Rapids were closed, and the streets were filled +with men who stood with bent, uncovered heads as +the funeral procession went by. My father and +mother, also, to whom she had given a home after +they left the log-cabin where they had lived so long, +had made many friends in their new environment +and were affectionately known throughout the whole +region as ``Grandma and Grandpa Shaw.'' + +When I returned to East Dennis I brought my +mother and Mary's three children with me, and +they remained throughout the spring and summer. +I had hoped that they would remain permanently, +and had rented and furnished a home for them with +that end in view; but, though they enjoyed their +visit, the prospect of the bleak winters of Cape Cod +disturbed my mother, and they all returned to Big +Rapids late in the autumn. Since entering upon my +parish work it had been possible for me to help my +father and mother financially; and from the time +of Mary's death I had the privilege, a very precious +one, of seeing that they were well cared for and con- +tented. They were always appreciative, and as +time passed they became more reconciled to the +career I had chosen, and which in former days had +filled them with such dire forebodings. + + +After I had been in East Dennis four years I be- +gan to feel that I was getting into a rut. It seemed +to me that all I could do in that particular field had +been done. My people wished me to remain, how- +ever, and so, partly as an outlet for my surplus +energy, but more especially because I realized the +splendid work women could do as physicians, I be- +gan to study medicine. The trustees gave me per- +mission to go to Boston on certain days of each week, +and we soon found that I could carry on my work +as a medical student without in the least neglecting +my duty toward my parish. + +I entered the Boston Medical School in 1882, and +obtained my diploma as a full-fledged physician in +1885. During this period I also began to lecture +for the Massachusetts Woman Suffrage Association, +of which Lucy Stone was president. Henry Black- +well was associated with her, and together they de- +veloped in me a vital interest in the suffrage cause, +which grew steadily from that time until it became +the dominating influence in my life. I preached it +in the pulpit, talked it to those I met outside of the +church, lectured on it whenever I had an oppor- +tunity, and carried it into my medical work in the +Boston slums when I was trying my prentice hand +on helpless pauper patients. + +Here again, in my association with the women of +the streets, I realized the limitations of my work in +the ministry and in medicine. As minister to soul +and body one could do little for these women. For +such as them, one's efforts must begin at the very +foundation of the social structure. Laws for them +must be made and enforced, and some of those laws +could only be made and enforced by women. So +many great avenues of life were opening up before +me that my Cape Cod environment seemed almost +a prison where I was held with tender force. I +loved my people and they loved me--but the big +outer world was calling, and I could not close my +ears to its summons. The suffrage lectures helped +to keep me contented, however, and I was certainly +busy enough to find happiness in my work. + +I was in Boston three nights a week, and during +these nights subject to sick calls at any hour. My +favorite associates were Dr. Caroline Hastings, our +professor of anatomy, and little Dr. Mary Safford, +a mite of a woman with an indomitable soul. Dr. +Safford was especially prominent in philanthropic +work in Massachusetts, and it was said of her that +at any hour of the day or night she could be found +working in the slums of Boston. I, too, could fre- +quently be found there--often, no doubt, to the dis- +advantage of my patients. I was quite famous in +three Boston alleys--Maiden's Lane, Fellows Court, +and Andrews Court. It most fortunately happened +that I did not lose a case in those alleys, though I +took all kinds, as I had to treat a certain number +of surgical and obstetrical cases in my course. No +doubt my patients and I had many narrow escapes +of which we were blissfully ignorant, but I remember +two which for a long time afterward continued to +be features of my most troubled dreams. + +The first was that of a big Irishman who had +pneumonia. When I looked him over I was as much +frightened as he was. I had got as far as pneu- +monia in my course, and I realized that here was a +bad case of it. I knew what to do. The patient +must be carefully packed in towels wrung out of +cold water. When I called for towels I found that +there was nothing in the place but a dish-towel, +which I washed with portentous gravity. The man +owned but one shirt, and, in deference to my visit, +his wife had removed that to wash it. I packed the +patient in the dish-towel, wrapped him in a piece of +an old shawl, and left after instructing his wife to +repeat the process. When I reached home I remem- +bered that the patient must be packed ``carefully,'' +and I knew that his wife would do it carelessly. +That meant great risk to the man's life. My im- +pulse was to rush back to him at once, but this +would never do. It would destroy all confidence +in the doctor. I walked the floor for three hours, +and then casually strolled in upon my patient, +finding him, to my great relief, better than I had left +him. As I was leaving, a child rushed into the room, +begging me to come to an upper floor in the same +building. + +``The baby's got the croup,'' she gasped, ``an' +he's chokin' to death.'' + +We had not reached croup in our course, and I +had no idea what to do, but I valiantly accompanied +the little girl. As we climbed the long flights of +stairs to the top floor I remembered a conversation +I had overheard between two medical students. One +of them had said: ``If the child is strangling when it +inhales, as if it were breathing through a sponge, +then give it spongia; but if it is strangling when it +breathes out, give it aconite.'' + +When I reached the baby I listened, but could +not tell which way it was strangling. However, +I happened to have both medicines with me, so I +called for two glasses and mixed the two remedies, +each in its own glass. I gave them both to the +mother, and told her to use them alternately, every +fifteen minutes, until the baby was better. The +baby got well; but whether its recovery was due to +the spongia or to the aconite I never knew. + +In my senior year I fell in love with an infant +of three, named Patsy. He was one of nine children +when I was called to deliver his mother of her tenth +child. She was drunk when I reached her, and so +were two men who lay on the floor in the same room. +I had them carried out, and after the mother and +baby had been attended to I noticed Patsy. He was +the most beautiful child I had ever seen--with eyes +like Italian skies and yellow hair in tight curls over +his adorable little head; but he was covered with +filthy rags. I borrowed him, took him home with me, +and fed and bathed him, and the next day fitted him +out with new clothes. Every hour I had him +tightened his hold on my heart-strings. I went to +his mother and begged her to let me keep him, but +she refused, and after a great deal of argument and +entreaty I had to return him to her. When I went +to see him a few days later I found him again in his +horrible rags. His mother had pawned his new +clothes for drink, and she was deeply under its in- +fluence. But no pressure I could exert then or later +would make her part with Patsy. Finally, for my +own peace of mind, I had to give up hope of getting +him--but I have never ceased to regret the little +adopted son I might have had. + + + +VII + +THE GREAT CAUSE + +There is a theory that every seven years each +human being undergoes a complete physical +reconstruction, with corresponding changes in his +mental and spiritual make-up. Possibly it was due +to this reconstruction that, at the end of seven years +on Cape Cod, my soul sent forth a sudden call to +arms. I was, it reminded me, taking life too easily; +I was in danger of settling into an agreeable routine. +The work of my two churches made little drain on +my superabundant vitality, and not even the win- +ning of a medical degree and the increasing demands +of my activities on the lecture platform wholly eased +my conscience. I was happy, for I loved my people +and they seemed to love me. It would have been +pleasant to go on almost indefinitely, living the life +of a country minister and telling myself that what +I could give to my flock made such a life worth while. + +But all the time, deep in my heart, I realized the +needs of the outside world, and heard its prayer for +workers. My theological and medical courses in +Boston, with the experiences that accompanied them, +had greatly widened my horizon. Moreover, at my +invitation, many of the noble women of the day were +coming to East Dennis to lecture, bringing with them +the stirring atmosphere of the conflicts they were +waging. One of the first of these was my friend +Mary A. Livermore; and after her came Julia Ward +Howe, Anna Garlin Spencer, Lucy Stone, Mary F. +Eastman, and many others, each charged with in- +spiration for my people and with a special message +for me, which she sent forth unknowingly and which I +alone heard. They were fighting great battles, these +women--for suffrage, for temperance, for social +purity--and in every word they uttered I heard a +rallying-cry. So it was that, in 1885, I suddenly +pulled myself up to a radical decision and sent my +resignation to the trustees of the two churches +whose pastor I had been since 1878. + +The action caused a demonstration of regret +which made it hard to keep to my resolution and +leave these men and women whose friendship was +among the dearest of my possessions. But when we +had all talked things over, many of them saw the +situation as I did. No doubt there were those, too, +who felt that a change of ministry would be good +for the churches. During the weeks that followed +my resignation I received many odd tributes, and +of these one of the most amusing came from a +young girl in the parish, who broke into loud protests +when she heard that I was going away. To com- +fort her I predicted that she would now have a man +minister--doubtless a very nice man. But the young +person continued to sniffle disconsolately. + +``I don't want a man,'' she wailed. ``I don't like to +see men in pulpits. They look so awkward.'' Her +grief culminated in a final outburst. ``They're all +arms and legs!'' she sobbed. + +When my resignation was finally accepted, and +the time of my departure drew near, the men of the +community spent much of their leisure in discussing +it and me. The social center of East Dennis was +a certain grocery, to which almost every man in +town regularly wended his way, and from which all +the gossip of the town emanated. Here the men sat +for hours, tilted back in their chairs, whittling the +rungs until they nearly cut the chairs from under +them, and telling one another all they knew or had +heard about their fellow-townsmen. Then, after +each session, they would return home and repeat the +gossip to their wives. I used to say that I would +give a dollar to any woman in East Dennis who +could quote a bit of gossip which did not come from +the men at that grocery. Even my old friend Cap- +tain Doane, fine and high-minded citizen though he +was, was not above enjoying the mild diversion of +these social gatherings, and on one occasion at least +he furnished the best part of the entertainment. +The departing minister was, it seemed, the topic +of the day's discussion, and, to tease Captain Doane +one young man who knew the strength of his friend- +ship for me suddenly began to speak, then pursed +up his lips and looked eloquently mysterious. As he +had expected, Captain Doane immediately pounced +on him. + +``What's the matter with you?'' demanded the +old man. ``Hev you got anything agin Miss +Shaw?'' + +The young man sighed and murmured that if he +wished he could repeat a charge never before made +against a Cape Cod minister, but--and he shut his +lips more obviously. The other men, who were in +the plot, grinned, and this added the last touch to +Captain Doane's indignation. He sprang to his +feet. One of his peculiarities was a constant mis- +use of words, and now, in his excitement, he outdid +himself. + +``You've made an incineration against Miss Shaw,'' +he shouted. ``Do you hear--AN INCINERATION! Take +it back or take a lickin'!'' + +The young man decided that the joke had gone +far enough, so he answered, mildly: ``Well, it is said +that all the women in town are in love with Miss +Shaw. Has that been charged against any other +minister here?'' + +The men roared with laughter, and Captain +Doane sat down, looking sheepish. + +``All I got to say is this,'' he muttered: ``That gal +has been in this community for seven years, and she +'ain't done a thing during the hull seven years that +any one kin lay a finger on!'' + +The men shouted again at this back-handed trib- +ute, and the old fellow left the grocery in a huff. +Later I was told of the ``incineration'' and his elo- +quent defense of me, and I thanked him for it. But +I added: + +``I hear you said I haven't done a thing in seven +years that any one can lay a finger on?'' + +``I said it,'' declared the Captain, ``and I'll stand +by it.'' + +``Haven't I done any good?'' I asked. + +``Sartin you have,'' he assured me, heartily. +``Lots of good.'' + +``Well,'' I said, ``can't you put your finger on +that?'' + +The Captain looked startled. ``Why--why-- +Sister Shaw,'' he stammered, ``you know I didn't +mean THAT! What I meant,'' he repeated, slowly and +solemnly, ``was that the hull time you been here +you ain't done nothin' anybody could put a finger +on!'' + +Captain Doane apparently shared my girl parish- +ioner's prejudice against men in the pulpit, for long +afterward, on one of my visits to Cape Cod, he ad- +mitted that he now went to church very rarely. + +``When I heard you preach,'' he explained, ``I +gen'ally followed you through and I knowed where +you was a-comin' out. But these young fellers that +come from the theological school--why, Sister Shaw, +the Lord Himself don't know where they're comin' +out!'' + +For a moment he pondered. Then he uttered a +valedictory which I have always been glad to recall +as his last message, for I never saw him again. + +``When you fust come to us,'' he said, ``you had +a lot of crooked places, an' we had a lot of crooked +places; and we kind of run into each other, all of +us. But before you left, Sister Shaw, why, all the +crooked places was wore off and everything was as +smooth as silk.'' + +``Yes,'' I agreed, ``and that was the time to leave +--when everything was running smoothly.'' + +All is changed on Cape Cod since those days, thirty +years ago. The old families have died or moved +away, and those who replaced them were of a dif- +ferent type. I am happy in having known and loved +the Cape as it was, and in having gathered there a +store of delightful memories. In later strenuous +years it has rested me merely to think of the place, +and long afterward I showed my continued love of +it by building a home there, which I still possess. +But I had little time to rest in this or in my Moylan +home, of which I shall write later, for now I was +back in Boston, living my new life, and each crowded +hour brought me more to do. + +We were entering upon a deeply significant period. +For the first time women were going into industrial +competition with men, and already men were in- +tensely resenting their presence. Around me I saw +women overworked and underpaid, doing men's +work at half men's wages, not because their work +was inferior, but because they were women. Again, +too, I studied the obtrusive problems of the poor and +of the women of the streets; and, looking at the +whole social situation from every angle, I could find +but one solution for women--the removal of the +stigma of disfranchisement. As man's equal before +the law, woman could demand her rights, asking +favors from no one. With all my heart I joined in +the crusade of the men and women who were fight- +ing for her. My real work had begun. + +Naturally, at this period, I frequently met the +members of Boston's most inspiring group--the +Emersons and John Greenleaf Whittier, James Free- +man Clark, Reverend Minot Savage, Bronson Alcott +and his daughter Louisa, Wendell Phillips, William +Lloyd Garrison, Stephen Foster, Theodore Weld, and +the rest. Of them all, my favorite was Whittier. He +had been present at my graduation from the theo- +logical school, and now he often attended our suffrage +meetings. He was already an old man, nearing the +end of his life; and I recall him as singularly tall and +thin, almost gaunt, bending forward as he talked, +and wearing an expression of great serenity and +benignity. I once told Susan B. Anthony that if I +needed help in a crowd of strangers that included her, +I would immediately turn to her, knowing from her +face that, whatever I had done, she would under- +stand and assist me. I could have offered the same +tribute to Whittier. At our meetings he was like a +vesper-bell chiming above a battle-field. Garrison +always became excited during our discussions, and +the others frequently did; but Whittier, in whose big +heart the love of his fellow-man burned as unquench- +ably as in any heart there, always preserved his ex- +quisite tranquillity. + +Once, I remember, Stephen Foster insisted on +having the word ``tyranny'' put into a resolution, +stating that women were deprived of suffrage by the +TYRANNY of men. Mr. Garrison objected, and the +debate that followed was the most exciting I have +ever heard. The combatants actually had to ad- +journ before they could calm down sufficiently to go +on with their meeting. Knowing the stimulating +atmosphere to which he had grown accustomed, I +was not surprised to have Theodore Weld explain +to me; long afterward, why he no longer attended +suffrage meetings. + +``Oh,'' he said, ``why should I go? There hasn't +been any one mobbed in twenty years!'' + +The Ralph Waldo Emersons occasionally attended +our meetings, and Mr. Emerson, at first opposed to +woman suffrage, became a convert to it during the +last years of his life--a fact his son and daughter +omitted to mention in his biography. After his +death I gave two suffrage lectures in Concord, +and each time Mrs. Emerson paid for the hall. At +these lectures Louisa M. Alcott graced the assem- +bly with her splendid, wholesome presence, and on +both occasions she was surrounded by a group of +boys. She frankly cared much more for boys than +for girls, and boys inevitably gravitated to her when- +ever she entered a place where they were. When +women were given school suffrage in Massachusetts, +Miss Alcott was the first woman to vote in Concord, +and she went to the polls accompanied by a group +of her boys, all ardently ``for the Cause.'' My gen- +eral impression of her was that of a fresh breeze +blowing over wide moors. She was as different as +possible from exquisite little Mrs. Emerson, who, +in her daintiness and quiet charm, suggested an old +New England garden. + +Of Abby May and Edna Cheney I retain a general +impression of ``bagginess''--of loose jackets over +loose waistbands, of escaping locks of hair, of bodies +seemingly one size from the neck down. Both +women were utterly indifferent to the details of +their appearance, but they were splendid workers and +leading spirits in the New England Woman's Club. +It was said to be the trouble between Abby May and +Kate Gannett Wells, both of whom stood for the +presidency of the club, that led to the beginning of +the anti-suffrage movement in Boston. Abby May +was elected president, and all the suffragists voted +for her. Subsequently Kate Gannett Wells began +her anti-suffrage campaign. Mrs. Wells was the +first anti-suffragist I ever knew in this country. +Before her there had been Mrs. Dahlgren, wife of +Admiral Dahlgren, and Mrs. William Tecumseh Sher- +man. On one occasion Elizabeth Cady Stanton chal- +lenged Mrs. Dahlgren to a debate on woman suffrage, +and in the light of later events Mrs. Dahlgren's reply +is amusing. She declined the challenge, explaining +that for anti-suffragists to appear upon a public +platform would be a direct violation of the principle +for which they stood--which was the protection of +female modesty! Recalling this, and the present +hectic activity of the anti-suffragists, one must feel +that they have either abandoned their principle or +widened their views. +For Julia Ward Howe I had an immense admira- +tion; but, though from first to last I saw much of +her, I never felt that I really knew her. She was a +woman of the widest culture, interested in every +progressive movement. With all her big heart she +tried to be a democrat, but she was an aristocrat to +the very core of her, and, despite her wonderful work +for others, she lived in a splendid isolation. Once +when I called on her I found her resting her mind +by reading Greek, and she laughingly admitted that +she was using a Latin pony, adding that she was +growing ``rusty.'' She seemed a little embarrassed +by being caught with the pony, but she must have +been reassured by my cheerful confession that if +_I_ tried to read either Latin or Greek I should need +an English pony. + +Of Frances E. Willard, who frequently came to +Boston, I saw a great deal, and we soon became close- +ly associated in our work. Early in our friendship, +and at Miss Willard's suggestion, we made a com- +pact that once a week each of us would point out +to the other her most serious faults, and thereby +help her to remedy them; but we were both too sane +to do anything of the kind, and the project soon +died a natural death. The nearest I ever came to +carrying it out was in warning Miss Willard that she +was constantly defying all the laws of personal +hygiene. She never rested, rarely seemed to sleep, +and had to be reminded at the table that she was +there for the purpose of eating food. She was al- +ways absorbed in some great interest, and oblivious +to anything else, I never knew a woman who could +grip an audience and carry it with her as she could. +She was intensely emotional, and swayed others by +their emotions rather than by logic; yet she was the +least conscious of her physical existence of any one +I ever knew, with the exception of Susan B. Anthony. +Like ``Aunt Susan,'' Miss Willard paid no heed to +cold or heat or hunger, to privation or fatigue. In +their relations to such trifles both women were dis- +embodied spirits. + +Another woman doing wonderful work at this time +was Mrs. Quincy Shaw, who had recently started her +day nurseries for the care of tenement children whose +mothers labored by the day. These nurseries were +new in Boston, as was the kindergarten system she +also established. I saw the effect of her work in the +lives of the people, and it strengthened my growing +conviction that little could be done for the poor in a +spiritual or educational way until they were given +a certain amount of physical comfort, and until more +time was devoted to the problem of prevention. +Indeed, the more I studied economic issues, the more +strongly I felt that the position of most philan- +thropists is that of men who stand at the bottom +of a precipice gathering up and trying to heal those +who fall into it, instead of guarding the top and pre- +venting them from going over. + +Of course I had to earn my living; but, though I +had taken my medical degree only a few months +before leaving Cape Cod, I had no intention of prac- +tising medicine. I had merely wished to add a +certain amount of medical knowledge to my mental +equipment. The Massachusetts Woman Suffrage +Association, of which Lucy Stone was president, had +frequently employed me as a lecturer during the +last two years of my pastorate. Now it offered me +a salary of one hundred dollars a month as a lecturer +and organizer. Though I may not have seemed so +in these reminiscences, in which I have written as +freely of my small victories as of my struggles and +failures, I was a modest young person. The amount +seemed too large, and I told Mrs. Stone as much, +after which I humbly fixed my salary at fifty dollars +a month. At the end of a year of work I felt that +I had ``made good''; then I asked for and received +the one hundred dollars a month originally offered +me. + +During my second year Miss Cora Scott Pond and +I organized and carried through in Boston a great +suffrage bazaar, clearing six thousand dollars for +the association--a large amount in those days. +Elated by my share in this success, I asked that my +salary should be increased to one hundred and +twenty-five dollars a month--but this was not done. +Instead, I received a valuable lesson. It was freely +admitted that my work was worth one hundred and +twenty-five dollars, but I was told that one hundred +was the limit which could be paid, and I was re- +minded that this was a good salary for a woman. + +The time seemed to have come to make a practical +stand in defense of my principles, and I did so by +resigning and arranging an independent lecture tour. +The first month after my resignation I earned three +hundred dollars. Later I frequently earned more +than that, and very rarely less. Eventually I lec- +tured under the direction of the Slaton Lecture +Bureau of Chicago, and later still for the Redpath +Bureau of Boston. My experience with the Red- +path people was especially gratifying. Mrs. Liver- +more, who was their only woman lecturer, was grow- +ing old and anxious to resign her work. She saw +in me a possible successor, and asked them to take +me on their list. They promptly refused, explain- +ing that I must ``make a reputation'' before they +could even consider me. A year later they wrote +me, making a very good offer, which I accepted. It +may be worth while to mention here that through +my lecture-work at this period I earned all the money +I have ever saved. I lectured night after night, week +after week, month after month, in ``Chautauquas'' +in the summer, all over the country in the winter, +earning a large income and putting aside at that +time the small surplus I still hold in preparation for +the ``rainy day'' every working-woman inwardly +fears. + +I gave the public at least a fair equivalent for +what it gave me, for I put into my lectures all my +vitality, and I rarely missed an engagement, though +again and again I risked my life to keep one. My +special subjects, of course, were the two I had most +at heart-suffrage and temperance. For Frances +Willard, then President of the Woman's Christian +Temperance Union, had persuaded me to head the +Franchise Department of that organization, suc- +ceeding Ziralda Wallace, the mother of Gen. Lew +Wallace; and Miss Susan B. Anthony, who was be- +ginning to study me closely, soon swung me into +active work with her, of which, later, I shall have +much to say. But before taking up a subject as +absorbing to me as my friendship for and association +with the most wonderful woman I have ever known, +it may be interesting to record a few of my pioneer +experiences in the lecture-field. + +In those days--thirty years ago--the lecture bu- +reaus were wholly regardless of the comfort of their +lecturers. They arranged a schedule of engagements +with exactly one idea in mind--to get the lecturer +from one lecture-point to the next, utterly regardless +of whether she had time between for rest or food or +sleep. So it happened that all-night journeys in +freight-cars, engines, and cabooses were casual com- +monplaces, while thirty and forty mile drives across +the country in blizzards and bitter cold were equally +inevitable. Usually these things did not trouble +me. They were high adventures which I enjoyed at +the time and afterward loved to recall. But there +was an occasional hiatus in my optimism. + +One night, for example, after lecturing in a town +in Ohio, it was necessary to drive eight miles across +country to a tiny railroad station at which a train, +passing about two o'clock in the morning, was to be +flagged for me. When we reached the station it was +closed, but my driver deposited me on the platform +and drove away, leaving me alone. The night was +cold and very dark. All day I had been feeling ill +and in the evening had suffered so much pain that +I had finished my lecture with great difficulty. Now +toward midnight, in this desolate spot, miles from +any house, I grew alarmingly worse. I am not +easily frightened, but that time I was sure I was +going to die. Off in the darkness, very far away, as +it seemed, I saw a faint light, and with infinite effort +I dragged myself toward it. To walk, even to stand, +was impossible; I crawled along the railroad track, +collapsing, resting, going on again, whipping my +will power to the task of keeping my brain clear, +until after a nightmare that seemed to last through +centuries I lay across the door of the switch-tower +in which the light was burning. The switchman +stationed there heard the cry I was able to utter, +and came to my assistance. He carried me up to +his signal-room and laid me on the floor by the stove; +he had nothing to give me except warmth and shel- +ter; but these were now all I asked. I sank into a +comatose condition shot through with pain. Tow- +ard two o'clock in the morning he waked me and +told me my train was coming, asking if I felt able +to take it. I decided to make the effort. He dared +not leave his post to help me, but he signaled to the +train, and I began my progress back to the station. +I never clearly remembered how I got there; but +I arrived and was helped into a car by a brakeman. +About four o'clock in the morning I had to change +again, but this time I was left at the station of a town, +and was there met by a man whose wife had offered +me hospitality. He drove me to their home, and +I was cared for. What I had, it developed, was a +severe case of ptomaine poisoning, and I soon re- +covered; but even after all these years I do not +like to recall that night. + +To be ``snowed in'' was a frequent experience. +Once, in Minnesota, I was one of a dozen travelers +who were driven in an omnibus from a country hotel +to the nearest railroad station, about two miles away. +It was snowing hard, and the driver left us on the +station platform and departed. Time passed, but +the train we were waiting for did not come. A true +Western blizzard, growing wilder every moment, had +set in, and we finally realized that the train was not +coming, and that, moreover, it was now impossible +to get back to the hotel. The only thing we could +do was to spend the night in the railroad station. +I was the only woman in the group, and my fellow- +passengers were cattlemen who whiled away the +hours by smoking, telling stories, and exchanging +pocket flasks. The station had a telegraph operator +who occupied a tiny box by himself, and he finally +invited me to share the privacy of his microscopic +quarters. I entered them very gratefully, and he +laid a board on the floor, covered it with an over- +coat made of buffalo-skins, and cheerfully invited +me to go to bed. I went, and slept peacefully until +morning. Then we all returned to the hotel, the +men going ahead and shoveling a path. + +Again, one Sunday, I was snowbound in a train +near Faribault, and this time also I was the only +woman among a number of cattlemen. They were +an odoriferous lot, who smoked diligently and played +cards without ceasing, but in deference to my pres- +ence they swore only mildly and under their breath. +At last they wearied of their game, and one of them +rose and came to me. + +``I heard you lecture the other night,'' he said, +awkwardly, ``and I've bin tellin' the fellers about it. +We'd like to have a lecture now.'' + +Their card-playing had seemed to me a sinful +thing (I was stricter in my views then than I am +to-day), and I was glad to create a diversion. I +agreed to give them a lecture, and they went through +the train, which consisted of two day coaches, and +brought in the remaining passengers. A few of +them could sing, and we began with a Moody and +Sankey hymn or two and the appealing ditty, +``Where is my wandering boy to-night?'' in which +they all joined with special zest. Then I delivered +the lecture, and they listened attentively. When I +had finished they seemed to think that some slight +return was in order, so they proceeded to make a +bed for me. They took the bottoms out of two seats, +arranged them crosswise, and one man folded his +overcoat into a pillow. Inspired by this, two others +immediately donated their fur overcoats for upper +and lower coverings. When the bed was ready they +waved me toward it with a most hospitable air, and +I crept in between the overcoats and slumbered +sweetly until I was aroused the next morning by the +welcome music of a snow-plow which had been +sent from St. Paul to our rescue. +To drive fifty or sixty miles in a day to meet a +lecture engagement was a frequent experience. I +have been driven across the prairies in June when +they were like a mammoth flower-bed, and in Jan- +uary when they seemed one huge snow-covered +grave--my grave, I thought, at times. Once during a +thirty-mile drive, when the thermometer was twenty +degrees below zero, I suddenly realized that my face +was freezing. I opened my satchel, took out the +tissue-paper that protected my best gown, and put +the paper over my face as a veil, tucking it inside +of my bonnet. When I reached my destination the +tissue was a perfect mask, frozen stiff, and I +had to be lifted from the sleigh. I was due on the +lecture platform in half an hour, so I drank a huge +bowl of boiling ginger tea and appeared on time. +That night I went to bed expecting an attack of +pneumonia as a result of the exposure, but I awoke +next morning in superb condition. I possess what +is called ``an iron constitution,'' and in those days +I needed it. + +That same winter, in Kansas, I was chased by +wolves, and though I had been more or less inti- +mately associated with wolves in my pioneer life +in the Michigan woods, I found the occasion extreme- +ly unpleasant. During the long winters of my girl- +hood wolves had frequently slunk around our log +cabin, and at times in the lumber-camps we had +even heard them prowling on the roofs. But those +were very different creatures from the two huge, +starving, tireless animals that hour after hour loped +behind the cutter in which I sat with another woman, +who, throughout the whole experience, never lost +her head nor her control of our frantic horses. They +were mad with terror, for, try as they would, they +could not outrun the grim things that trailed us, +seemingly not trying to gain on us, but keeping al- +ways at the same distance, with a patience that was +horrible. From time to time I turned to look at +them, and the picture they made as they came on +and on is one I shall never forget. They were so near +that I could see their eyes and slavering jaws, and +they were as noiseless as things in a dream. At +last, little by little, they began to gain on us, and +they were almost within striking distance of the +whip, which was our only weapon, when we reached +the welcome outskirts of a town and they fell back. + +Some of the memories of those days have to do +with personal encounters, brief but poignant. Once +when I was giving a series of Chautauqua lectures, +I spoke at the Chautauqua in Pontiac, Illinois. +The State Reformatory for Boys was situated in +that town, and, after the lecture the superintendent +of the Reformatory invited me to visit it and say +a few words to the inmates. I went and spoke for +half an hour, carrying away a memory of the place +and of the boys which haunted me for months. A +year later, while I was waiting for a train in the +station at Shelbyville, a lad about sixteen years old +passed me and hesitated, looking as if he knew me. +I saw that he wanted to speak and dared not, so +I nodded to him. + +``You think you know me, don't you?'' I asked, +when he came to my side. + +``Yes'm, I do know you,'' he told me, eagerly. +``You are Miss Shaw, and you talked to us boys at +Pontiac last year. I'm out on parole now, but I +'ain't forgot. Us boys enjoyed you the best of any +show we ever had!'' + +I was touched by this artless compliment, and +anxious to know how I had won it, so I asked, +``What did I say that the boys liked?'' + +The lad hesitated. Then he said, slowly, ``Well, +you didn't talk as if you thought we were all +bad.'' + +``My boy,'' I told him, ``I don't think you are all +bad. I know better!'' + +As if I had touched a spring in him, the lad +dropped into the seat by my side; then, leaning +toward me, he said, impulsively, but almost in a +whisper: + +``Say, Miss Shaw, SOME OF US BOYS SAYS OUR PRAYERS!'' + +Rarely have I had a tribute that moved me more +than that shy confidence; and often since then, in +hours of discouragement or failure, I have reminded +myself that at least there must have been something +in me once to make a lad of that age so open up +his heart. We had a long and intimate talk, from +which grew the abiding interest I feel in boys to- +day. + +Naturally I was sometimes inconvenienced by +slight misunderstandings between local committees +and myself as to the subjects of my lectures, and the +most extreme instance of this occurred in a town +where I arrived to find myself widely advertised +as ``Mrs. Anna Shaw, who whistled before Queen +Victoria''! Transfixed, I gaped before the bill- +boards, and by reading their additional lettering +discovered the gratifying fact that at least I was +not expected to whistle now. Instead, it appeared, +I was to lecture on ``The Missing Link.'' + +As usual, I had arrived in town only an hour or +two before the time fixed for my lecture; there was +the briefest interval in which to clear up these pain- +ful misunderstandings. I repeatedly tried to reach +the chairman who was to preside at the entertain- +ment, but failed. At last I went to the hall at the +hour appointed, and found the local committee +there, graciously waiting to receive me. Without +wasting precious minutes in preliminaries, I asked +why they had advertised me as the woman who had +``whistled before Queen Victoria.'' + +``Why, didn't you whistle before her?'' they ex- +claimed in grieved surprise. + +``I certainly did not,'' I explained. ``Moreover, I +was never called `The American Nightingale,' and +I have never lectured on `The Missing Link.' +Where DID you get that subject? It was not on the +list I sent you.'' + +The members of the committee seemed dazed. +They withdrew to a corner and consulted in whis- +pers. Then, with clearing brow, the spokesman re- +turned. + +``Why,'' he said, cheerfully, ``it's simple enough! +We mixed you up with a Shaw lady that whistles; +and we've been discussing the missing link in our +debating society, so our citizens want to hear your +views.'' + +``But I don't know anything about the missing +link,'' I protested, ``and I can't speak on it.'' + +``Now, come,'' they begged. ``Why, you'll have +to! We've sold all our tickets for that lecture. +The whole town has turned out to hear it.'' + +Then, as I maintained a depressed silence, one +of them had a bright idea. + +``I'll tell you how to fix it!'' he cried. ``Speak on +any subject you please, but bring in something about +the missing link every few minutes. That will satis- +fy 'em.'' + +``Very well,'' I agreed, reluctantly. ``Open the +meeting with a song. Get the audience to sing +`America' or `The Star-spangled Banner.' That +will give me a few minutes to think, and I will see +what can be done.'' + +Led by a very nervous chairman, the big audience +began to sing, and under the inspiration of the music +the solution of our problem flashed into my mind. + +``It is easy,'' I told myself. ``Woman is the miss- +ing link in our government. I'll give them a suf- +frage speech along that line.'' + +When the song ended I began my part of the en- +tertainment with a portion of my lecture on ``The +Fate of Republics,'' tracing their growth and decay, +and pointing out that what our republic needed to +give it a stable government was the missing link +of woman suffrage. I got along admirably, for every +five minutes I mentioned ``the missing link,'' and +the audience sat content and apparently interested, +while the members of the committee burst into +bloom on the platform. + + +VIII + +DRAMA IN THE LECTURE-FIELD + +My most dramatic experience occurred in a +city in Michigan, where I was making a +temperance campaign. It was an important lum- +ber and shipping center, and it harbored much +intemperance. The editor of the leading news- +paper was with the temperance-workers in our +fight there, and he had warned me that the liquor +people threatened to ``burn the building over my +head'' if I attempted to lecture. We were used to +similar threats, so I proceeded with my preparations +and held the meeting in the town skating-rink-- +a huge, bare, wooden structure. + +Lectures were rare in that city, and rumors of +some special excitement on this occasion had been +circulated; every seat in the rink was filled, and +several hundred persons stood in the aisles and at +the back of the building. Just opposite the speak- +er's platform was a small gallery, and above that, in +the ceiling, was a trap-door. Before I had been +speaking ten minutes I saw a man drop through this +trap-door to the balcony and climb from there to +the main floor. As he reached the floor he shouted +``Fire!'' and rushed out into the street. The next +instant every person in the rink was up and a panic +had started. I was very sure there was no fire, +but I knew that many might be killed in the +rush which was beginning. So I sprang on a chair +and shouted to the people with the full strength of +my lungs: + +``There is no fire! It's only a trick! Sit down! +Sit down!'' + +The cooler persons in the crowd at once began to +help in this calming process. + +``Sit down!'' they repeated. ``It's all right! +There's no fire! Sit down!'' + +It looked as if we had the situation in hand, for +the people hesitated, and most of them grew quiet; +but just then a few words were hissed up to me that +made my heart stop beating. A member of our local +committee was standing beside my chair, speaking +in a terrified whisper: + +``There IS a fire, Miss Shaw,'' he said. ``For God's +sake get the people out--QUICKLY!'' + +The shock was so unexpected that my knees al- +most gave way. The people were still standing, +wavering, looking uncertainly toward us. I raised +my voice again, and if it sounded unnatural my +hearers probably thought it was because I was speak- +ing so loudly. + +``As we are already standing,'' I cried, ``and are +all nervous, a little exercise will do us good. So +march out, singing. Keep time to the music! +Later you can come back and take your seats!'' + +The man who had whispered the warning jumped +into the aisle and struck up ``Jesus, Lover of My +Soul.'' Then he led the march down to the door, +while the big audience swung into line and followed +him, joining in the song. I remained on the chair, +beating time and talking to the people as they went; +but when the last of them had left the building I +almost collapsed; for the flames had begun to eat +through the wooden walls and the clang of the fire- +engines was heard outside. + +As soon as I was sure every one was safe, however, +I experienced the most intense anger I had yet known. +My indignation against the men who had risked +hundreds of lives by setting fire to a crowded building +made me ``see red''; it was clear that they must be +taught a lesson then and there. As soon as I was +outside the rink I called a meeting, and the Congre- +gational minister, who was in the crowd, lent us his +church and led the way to it. Most of the audience +followed us, and we had a wonderful meeting, dur- +ing which we were able at last to make clear to +the people of that town the character of the liquor +interests we were fighting. That episode did the +temperance cause more good than a hundred ordinary +meetings. Men who had been indifferent before +became our friends and supporters, and at the fol- +lowing election we carried the town for prohibition +by a big majority. + +There have been other occasions when our op- +ponents have not fought us fairly. Once, in an +Ohio town, a group of politicians, hearing that I was +to lecture on temperance in the court-house on a +certain night, took possession of the building early +in the evening, on the pretense of holding a meeting, +and held it against us. When, escorted by a com- +mittee of leading women, I reached the building and +tried to enter, we found that the men had locked +us out. Our audience was gathering and filling the +street, and we finally sent a courteous message to the +men, assuming that they had forgotten us and re- +minding them of our position. The messenger re- +ported that the men would leave ``about eight,'' +but that the room was ``black with smoke and filthy +with tobacco-juice. ``We waited patiently until eight +o'clock, holding little outside meetings in groups, +as our audience waited with us. At eight we again +sent our messenger into the hall, and he brought +back word that the men were ``not through, didn't +know when they would be through, and had told +the women not to wait.'' + +Naturally, the waiting townswomen were deeply +chagrined by this. So were many men in the out- +side crowd. We asked if there was no other en- +trance to the hall except through the locked front +doors, and were told that the judge's private room +opened into it, and that one of our committee had +the key, as she had planned to use this room as a +dressing and retiring room for the speakers. After +some discussion we decided to storm the hall +and take possession. Within five minutes all the +women had formed in line and were crowding up +the back stairs and into the judge's room. There +we unlocked the door, again formed in line, and +marched into the hall, singing ``Onward, Christian +Soldiers!'' + +There were hundreds of us, and we marched di- +rectly to the platform, where the astonished men +got up to stare at us. More and more women +entered, coming up the back stairs from the street +and filling the hall; and when the men realized +what it all meant, and recognized their wives, sis- +ters, and women friends in the throng, they sheep- +ishly unlocked the front doors and left us in posses- +sion, though we politely urged them to remain. We +had a great meeting that night! + +Another reminiscence may not be out of place. +We were working for a prohibition amendment in +the state of Pennsylvania, and the night before +election I reached Coatesville. I had just com- +pleted six weeks of strenuous campaigning, and that +day I had already conducted and spoken at two big +outdoor meetings. When I entered the town hall +of Coatesville I found it filled with women. Only +a few men were there; the rest were celebrating +and campaigning in the streets. So I arose and +said: + +``I would like to ask how many men there are in +the audience who intend to vote for the amendment +to-morrow?'' + +Every man in the hall stood up. + +``I thought so,'' I said. ``Now I intend to ask +your indulgence. As you are all in favor of the +amendment, there is no use in my setting its claims +before you; and, as I am utterly exhausted, I +suggest that we sing the Doxology and go home!'' + +The audience saw the common sense of my +position, so the people laughed and sang the Doxol- +ogy and departed. As we were leaving the hall +one of Coatesville's prominent citizens stopped me. + +``I wish you were a man,'' he said. ``The town +was to have a big outdoor meeting to-night, and +the orator has failed us. There are thousands of +men in the streets waiting for the speech, and the +saloons are sending them free drinks to get them +drunk and carry the town to-morrow.'' + +``Why,'' I said, ``I'll talk to them if you wish.'' + +``Great Scott!'' he gasped. ``I'd be afraid to let +you. Something might happen!'' + +``If anything happens, it will be in a good cause,'' +I reminded him. ``Let us go.'' + +Down-town we found the streets so packed with +men that the cars could not get through, and with +the greatest difficulty we reached the stand which +had been erected for the speaker. It was a gorgeous +affair. There were flaring torches all around it, and +a ``bull's-eye,'' taken from the head of a locomotive, +made an especially brilliant patch of light. The +stand had been erected at a point where the city's +four principal streets meet, and as far as I could +see there were solid masses of citizens extending +into these streets. A glee-club was doing its best +to help things along, and the music of an organette, +an instrument much used at the time in campaign +rallies, swelled the joyful tumult. As I mounted +the platform the crowd was singing ``Vote for Betty +and the Baby,'' and I took that song for my text, +speaking of the helplessness of women and children +in the face of intemperance, and telling the crowd +the only hope of the Coatesville women lay in the +vote cast by their men the next day. + +Directly in front of me stood a huge and ex- +traordinarily repellent-looking negro. A glance at +him almost made one shudder, but before I had +finished my first sentence he raised his right arm +straight above him and shouted, in a deep and +wonderfully rich bass voice, ``Hallelujah to the +Lamb!'' From that point on he punctuated my +speech every few moments with good, old-fashioned +exclamations of salvation which helped to inspire +the crowd. I spoke for almost an hour. Three +times in my life, and only three times, I have made +speeches that have satisfied me to the degree, that +is, of making me feel that at least I was giving the +best that was in me. The speech at Coatesville was +one of those three. At the end of it the good-natured +crowd cheered for ten minutes. The next day +Coatesville voted for prohibition, and, rightly or +wrongly, I have always believed that I helped to win +that victory. + +Here, by the way, I may add that of the two other +speeches which satisfied me one was made in Chicago, +during the World's Fair, in 1893, and the other in +Stockholm, Sweden, in 1912. The International +Council of Women, it will be remembered, met in +Chicago during the Fair, and I was invited to preach +the sermon at the Sunday-morning session. The +occasion was a very important one, bringing to- +gether at least five thousand persons, including +representative women from almost every country +in Europe, and a large number of women ministers. +These made an impressive group, as they all wore +their ministerial robes; and for the first time I +preached in a ministerial robe, ordered especially +for that day. It was made of black crepe de Chine, +with great double flowing sleeves, white silk under- +sleeves, and a wide white silk underfold down the +front; and I may mention casually that it looked +very much better than I felt, for I was very nervous. +My father had come on to Chicago especially to +hear my sermon, and had been invited to sit on the +platform. Even yet he was not wholly reconciled +to my public work, but he was beginning to take a +deep interest in it. I greatly desired to please him +and to satisfy Miss Anthony, who was extremely +anxious that on that day of all days I should do my +best. + +I gave an unusual amount of time and thought to +that sermon, and at last evolved what I modestly +believed to be a good one. I never write out a +sermon in advance, but I did it this time, laboriously, +and then memorized the effort. The night before +the sermon was to be delivered Miss Anthony asked +me about it, and when I realized how deeply in- +terested she was I delivered it to her then and there +as a rehearsal. It was very late, and I knew we +would not be interrupted. As she listened her +face grew longer and longer and her lips drooped +at the corners. Her disappointment was so obvious +that I had difficulty in finishing my recitation; but +I finally got through it, though rather weakly toward +the end, and waited to hear what she would say, +hoping against hope that she had liked it better +than she seemed to. But Susan B. Anthony was +the frankest as well as the kindest of women. Reso- +lutely she shook her head. + +``It's no good, Anna,'' she said; firmly. ``You'll +have to do better. You've polished and repolished +that sermon until there's no life left in it. It's dead. +Besides, I don't care for your text.'' + +``Then give me a text,'' I demanded, gloomily. + +``I can't,'' said Aunt Susan. + +I was tired and bitterly disappointed, and both +conditions showed in my reply. + +``Well,'' I asked, somberly, ``if you can't even +supply a text, how do you suppose I'm going to +deliver a brand-new sermon at ten o'clock to-morrow +morning?'' + +``Oh,'' declared Aunt Susan, blithely, ``you'll find +a text.'' + +I suggested several, but she did not like them. +At last I said, ``I have it--`Let no man take thy +crown.' '' + +``That's it!'' exclaimed Miss Anthony. ``Give us +a good sermon on that text.'' + +She went to her room to sleep the sleep of the +just and the untroubled, but I tossed in my bed the +rest of the night, planning the points of the new +sermon. After I had delivered it the next morning +I went to my father to assist him from the platform. +He was trembling, and his eyes were full of tears. +He seized my arm and pressed it. + +``Now I am ready to die,'' was all he said. + +I was so tired that I felt ready to die, too; but +his satisfaction and a glance at Aunt Susan's con- +tented face gave me the tonic I needed. Father +died two years later, and as I was campaigning in +California I was not with him at the end. It was +a comfort to remember, however, that in the twilight +of his life he had learned to understand his most +difficult daughter, and to give her credit for earnest- +ness of purpose, at least, in following the life that had +led her away from him. After his death, and imme- +diately upon my return from California, I visited +my mother, and it was well indeed that I did, for +within a few months she followed father into the +other world for which all of her unselfish life had +been a preparation. + +Our last days together were perfect. Her attitude +was one of serene and cheerful expectancy, and I +always think of her as sitting among the primroses +and bluebells she loved, which seemed to bloom +unceasingly in the windows of her room. I recall, +too, with gratitude, a trifle which gave her a pleasure +out of all proportion to what I had dreamed it would +do. She had expressed a longing for some English +heather, ``not the hot-house variety, but the kind that +blooms on the hills,'' and I had succeeded in getting +a bunch for her by writing to an English friend. + +Its possession filled her with joy, and from the +time it came until the day her eyes closed in their +last sleep it was rarely beyond reach of her hand. +At her request, when she was buried we laid the +heather on her heart--the heart of a true and loyal +woman, who, though her children had not known +it, must have longed without ceasing throughout +her New World life for the Old World of her youth. + +The Scandinavian speech was an even more vital +experience than the Chicago one, for in Stockholm +I delivered the first sermon ever preached by a +woman in the State Church of Sweden, and the +event was preceded by an amount of political and +journalistic opposition which gave it an international +importance. I had also been invited by the Nor- +wegian women to preach in the State Church of +Norway, but there we experienced obstacles. By +the laws of Norway women are permitted to hold +all public offices except those in the army, navy, and +church--a rather remarkable militant and spiritual +combination. As a woman, therefore, I was denied +the use of the church by the Minister of Church +Affairs. + +The decision created great excitement and much +delving into the law. It then appeared that if the +use of a State Church is desired for a minister of a +foreign country the government can give such per- +mission. It was thought that I might slip in through +this loophole, and application was made to the +government. The reply came that permission could +be received only from the entire Cabinet; and while +the Cabinet gentlemen were feverishly discussing +the important issue, the Norwegian press became +active, pointing out that the Minister of Church +Affairs had arrogantly assumed the right of the +entire Cabinet in denying the application. The +charge was taken up by the party opposed to the +government party in Parliament, and the Minister +of Church Affairs swiftly turned the whole matter +over to his conferees. + +The Cabinet held a session, and by a vote of four +to three decided NOT to allow a woman to preach in +the State Church. I am happy to add that of the +three who voted favorably on the question one was +the Premier of Norway. Again the newspapers +grasped their opportunity--especially the organs of +the opposition party. My rooms were filled with +reporters, while daily the excitement grew. The +question was brought up in Parliament, and I was +invited to attend and hear the discussion there. +By this time every newspaper in Scandinavia was +for or against me; and the result of the whole matter +was that, though the State Church of Norway was +not opened to me, a most unusual interest had been +aroused in my sermon in the State Church of Sweden. +When I arrived there to keep my engagement, not +only was the wonderful structure packed to its walls, +but the waiting crowds in the street were so large +that the police had difficulty in opening a way for +our party. + +I shall never forget my impression of the church +itself when I entered it. It will always stand forth +in my memory as one of the most beautiful churches +I have ever visited. On every side were monu- +ments of dead heroes and statesmen, and the high, +vaulted blue dome seemed like the open sky above +our heads. Over us lay a light like a soft twilight, +and the great congregation filled not only all the +pews, but the aisles, the platform, and even the +steps of the pulpit. The ushers were young women +from the University of Upsala, wearing white uni- +versity caps with black vizors, and sashes in the +university colors. The anthem was composed es- +pecially for the occasion by the first woman cathe- +dral organist in Sweden--the organist of the cathe- +dral in Gothenburg--and she had brought with her +thirty members of her choir, all of them remarkable +singers. + +The whole occasion was indescribably impressive, +and I realized in every fiber the necessity of being +worthy of it. Also, I experienced a sensation such +as I had never known before, and which I can only +describe as a seeming complete separation of my +physical self from my spiritual self. It was as if my +body stood aside and watched my soul enter that +pulpit. There was no uncertainty, no nervousness, +though usually I am very nervous when I begin to +speak; and when I had finished I knew that I had +done my best. + +But all this is a long way from the early days I +was discussing, when I was making my first diffident +bows to lecture audiences and learning the lessons +of the pioneer in the lecture-field. I was soon to +learn more, for in 1888 Miss Anthony persuaded me +to drop my temperance work and concentrate my +energies on the suffrage cause. For a long time I +hesitated. I was very happy in my connection +with the Woman's Christian Temperance Union, +and I knew that Miss Willard was depending on me +to continue it. But Miss Anthony's arguments +were irrefutable, and she was herself, as always, +irresistible. + +``You can't win two causes at once,'' she reminded +me. ``You're merely scattering your energies. Be- +gin at the beginning. Win suffrage for women, and +the rest will follow.'' As an added argument, she +took me with her on her Kansas campaign, and after +that no further arguments were needed. From then +until her death, eighteen years later, Miss Anthony +and I worked shoulder to shoulder. + +The most interesting lecture episode of our first +Kansas campaign was my debate with Senator John +J. Ingalls. Before this, however, on our arrival +at Atchison, Mrs. Ingalls gave a luncheon for Miss +Anthony, and Rachel Foster Avery and I were also +invited. Miss Anthony sat at the right of Senator +Ingalls, and I at his left, while Mrs. Ingalls, of course, +adorned the opposite end of her table. Mrs. Avery +and I had just been entertained for several days at +the home of a vegetarian friend who did not know +how to cook vegetables, and we were both half +starved. When we were invited to the Ingalls home +we had uttered in unison a joyous cry, ``Now we shall +have something to eat!'' At the luncheon, however, +Senator Ingalls kept Miss Anthony and me talking +steadily. He was not in favor of suffrage for women, +but he wished to know all sorts of things about the +Cause, and we were anxious to have him know them. +The result was that I had time for only an occasional +mouthful, while down at the end of the table Mrs. +Avery ate and ate, pausing only to send me glances +of heartfelt sympathy. Also, whenever she had an +especially toothsome morsel on the end of her fork +she wickedly succeeded in catching my eye and thus +adding the last sybaritic touch to her enjoyment. + +Notwithstanding the wealth of knowledge we had +bestowed upon him, or perhaps because of it, the +following night Senator Ingalls made his famous +speech against suffrage, and it fell to my lot to +answer him. In the course of his remarks he asked +this question: ``Would you like to add three million +illiterate voters to the large body of illiterate voters +we have in America to-day?'' The audience ap- +plauded light-heartedly, but I was disturbed by the +sophistry of the question. One of Senator Ingalls's +most discussed personal peculiarities was the parting +of his hair in the middle. Cartoonists and news- +paper writers always made much of this, so when I +rose to reply I felt justified in mentioning it. + +``Senator Ingalls,'' I began, ``parts his hair in the +middle, as we all know, but he makes up for it by +parting his figures on one side. Last night he gave +you the short side of his figures. At the present time +there are in the United States about eighteen million +women of voting age. When the Senator asked +whether you wanted three million additional illiterate +women voters, he forgot to ask also if you didn't want +fifteen million additional intelligent women voters! +We will grant that it will take the votes of three +million intelligent women to wipe out the votes of +three million illiterate women. But don't forget that +that would still leave us twelve million intelligent +votes to the good!'' + +The audience applauded as gaily as it had ap- +plauded Senator Ingalls when he spoke on the other +side, and I continued: + +``Now women have always been generous to men. +So of our twelve million intelligent voters we will +offer four million to offset the votes of the four +million illiterate men in this country--and then +we will still have eight million intelligent votes to +add to the other intelligent votes which are cast.'' +The audience seemed to enjoy this. + +``The anti-suffragists are fairly safe,'' I ended, +``as long as they remain on the plane of prophecy. +But as soon as they tackle mathematics they get +into trouble!'' + +Miss Anthony was much pleased by the wide +publicity given to this debate, but Senator Ingalls +failed to share her enthusiasm. + +It was shortly after this encounter that I had +two traveling experiences which nearly cost me my +life. One of them occurred in Ohio at the time of +a spring freshet. I know of no state that can cover +itself with water as completely as Ohio can, and for +no apparent reason. On this occasion it was break- +ing its own record. We had driven twenty miles +across country in a buggy which was barely out of the +water, and behind horses that at times were almost +forced to swim, and when we got near the town +where I was to lecture, though still on the opposite +side of the river from it, we discovered that the +bridge was gone. We had a good view of the town, +situated high and dry on a steep bank; but the river +which rolled between us and that town was a roaring, +boiling stream, and the only possible way to cross +it, I found, was to walk over a railroad trestle, already +trembling under the force of the water. + +There were hundreds of men on the river-bank +watching the flood, and when they saw me start +out on the empty trestle they set up a cheer that +nearly threw me off. The river was wide and the +ties far apart, and the roar of the stream below was +far from reassuring; but in some way I reached the +other side, and was there helped off the trestle by +what the newspapers called ``strong and willing +hands.'' + +Another time, in a desperate resolve to meet a +lecture engagement, I walked across the railroad +trestle at Elmira, New York, and when I was half- +way over I heard shouts of warning to turn back, as +a train was coming. The trestle was very high at +that point, and I realized that if I turned and faced +an oncoming train I would undoubtedly lose my +nerve and fall. So I kept on, as rapidly as I could, +accompanied by the shrieks of those who objected +to witnessing a violent death, and I reached the end +of the trestle just as an express-train thundered on +the beginning of it. The next instant a policeman +had me by the shoulders and was shaking me as if +I had been a bad child. + +``If you ever do such a thing again,'' he thundered, +``I'll lock you up!'' + +As soon as I could speak I assured him fervently +that I never would; one such experience was all I +desired. + +Occasionally a flash of humor, conscious or un- +conscious, lit up the gloom of a trying situation. +Thus, in Parkersburg, West Virginia, the train I +was on ran into a coal-car. I was sitting in a sleep- +er, leaning back comfortably with my feet on the +seat in front of me, and the force of the collision lifted +me up, turned me completely over, and deposited +me, head first, two seats beyond. On every side I +heard cries and the crash of human bodies against +unyielding substances as my fellow-passengers flew +through the air, while high and clear above the +tumult rang the voice of the conductor: + +``Keep your seats!'' he yelled. ``KEEP YOUR SEATS!'' + +Nobody in our car was seriously hurt; but, so +great is the power of vested authority, no one smiled +over that order but me. + +Many times my medical experience was useful. +Once I was on a train which ran into a buggy and +killed the woman in it. Her little daughter, who +was with her, was badly hurt, and when the train +had stopped the crew lifted the dead woman and +the injured child on board, to take them to the next +station. As I was the only doctor among the pas- +sengers, the child was turned over to me. I made up +a bed on the seats and put the little patient there, +but no woman in the car was able to assist me. The +tragedy had made them hysterical, and on every +side they were weeping and nerveless. The men were +willing but inefficient, with the exception of one un- +couth woodsman whose trousers were tucked into +his boots and whose hands were phenomenally big +and awkward. But they were also very gentle, as +I realized when he began to help me. I knew at +once that he was the man I needed, notwithstanding +his unkempt hair, his general ungainliness, the +hat he wore on the back of his head, and the pink +carnation in his buttonhole, which, by its very in- +congruity, added the final accent to his unprepossess- +ing appearance. Together we worked over the child, +making it as comfortable as we could. It was hard- +ly necessary to tell my aide what I wanted done; +he seemed to know and even to anticipate my efforts. + +When we reached the next station the dead woman +was taken out and laid on the platform, and a nurse +and doctor who had been telegraphed for were wait- +ing to care for the little girl. She was conscious by +this time, and with the most exquisite gentleness my +rustic Bayard lifted her in his arms to carry her off +the train. Quite unnecessarily I motioned to him +not to let her see her dead mother. He was not the +sort who needed that warning; he had already turned +her face to his shoulder, and, with head bent low +above her, was safely skirting the spot where the +long, covered figure lay. + +Evidently the station was his destination, too, +for he remained there; but just as the train pulled +out he came hurrying to my window, took the car- +nation from his buttonhole, and without a word +handed it to me. And after the tragic hour in +which I had learned to know him the crushed flower, +from that man, seemed the best fee I had ever +received. + + + +IX + +``AUNT SUSAN'' + +In The Life of Susan B. Anthony it is mentioned +that 1888 was a year of special recognition of our +great leader's work, but that it was also the year +in which many of her closest friends and strongest +supporters were taken from her by death. A. Bron- +son Alcott was among these, and Louisa M. Alcott, +as well as Dr. Lozier; and special stress is laid on +Miss Anthony's sense of loss in the diminishing circle +of her friends--a loss which new friends and workers +came forward, eager to supply. + +``Chief among these,'' adds the record, ``was Anna +Shaw, who, from the time of the International Coun- +cil in '88, gave her truest allegiance to Miss An- +thony.'' + +It is true that from that year until Miss Anthony's +death in 1906 we two were rarely separated; and +I never read the paragraph I have just quoted with- +out seeing, as in a vision, the figure of ``Aunt Susan'' +as she slipped into my hotel room in Chicago late +one night after an evening meeting of the Inter- +national Council. I had gone to bed--indeed, I was +almost asleep when she came, for the day had been +as exhausting as it was interesting. But notwith- +standing the lateness of the hour, ``Aunt Susan,'' +then nearing seventy, was still as fresh and as full +of enthusiasm as a young girl. She had a great deal +to say, she declared, and she proceeded to say it-- +sitting in a big easy-chair near the bed, with a rug +around her knees, while I propped myself up with +pillows and listened. + +Hours passed and the dawn peered wanly through +the windows, but still Miss Anthony talked of the +Cause always of the Cause--and of what we two +must do for it. The previous evening she had been +too busy to eat any dinner, and I greatly doubt +whether she had eaten any luncheon at noon. She +had been on her feet for hours at a time, and she +had held numerous discussions with other women +she wished to inspire to special effort. Yet, after +it all, here she was laying out our campaigns for years +ahead, foreseeing everything, forgetting nothing, and +sweeping me with her in her flight toward our com- +mon goal, until I, who am not easily carried off my +feet, experienced an almost dizzy sense of exhilara- +tion. + +Suddenly she stopped, looked at the gas-jets paling +in the morning light that filled the room, and for a +fleeting instant seemed surprised. In the next she +had dismissed from her mind the realization that we +had talked all night. Why should we not talk all +night? It was part of our work. She threw off +the enveloping rug and rose. + +``I must dress now,'' she said, briskly. ``I've +called a committee meeting before the morning +session.'' + +On her way to the door nature smote her with a +rare reminder, but even then she did not realize that +it was personal. ``Perhaps,'' she remarked, tenta- +tively, ``you ought to have a cup of coffee.'' + +That was ``Aunt Susan.'' And in the eighteen +years which followed I had daily illustrations of her +superiority to purely human weaknesses. To her +the hardships we underwent later, in our Western +campaigns for woman suffrage, were as the airiest +trifles. Like a true soldier, she could snatch a mo- +ment of sleep or a mouthful of food where she found +it, and if either was not forthcoming she did not +miss it. To me she was an unceasing inspira- +tion--the torch that illumined my life. We went +through some difficult years together--years when +we fought hard for each inch of headway we gained +--but I found full compensation for every effort in +the glory of working with her for the Cause that was +first in both our hearts, and in the happiness of being +her friend. Later I shall describe in more detail the +suffrage campaigns and the National and Inter- +national councils in which we took part; now it is +of her I wish to write--of her bigness, her many- +sidedness, her humor, her courage, her quickness, +her sympathy, her understanding, her force, her +supreme common-sense, her selflessness; in short, of +the rare beauty of her nature as I learned to know it. + +Like most great leaders, she took one's best work +for granted, and was chary with her praise; and even +when praise was given it usually came by indirect +routes. I recall with amusement that the highest +compliment she ever paid me in public involved her +in a tangle from which, later, only her quick wit +extricated her. We were lecturing in an especially +pious town which I shall call B----, and just before +I went on the platform Miss Anthony remarked, +peacefully: + +``These people have always claimed that I am ir- +religious. They will not accept the fact that I am +a Quaker--or, rather, they seem to think a Quaker +is an infidel. I am glad you are a Methodist, for +now they cannot claim that we are not orthodox.'' + +She was still enveloped in the comfort of this re- +flection when she introduced me to our audience, +and to impress my qualifications upon my hearers +she made her introduction in these words: + +``It is a pleasure to introduce Miss Shaw, who +is a Methodist minister. And she is not only ortho- +dox of the orthodox, but she is also my right bower!'' + +There was a gasp from the pious audience, and +then a roar of laughter from irreverent men, in +which, I must confess, I light-heartedly joined. For +once in her life Miss Anthony lost her presence of +mind; she did not know how to meet the situation, +for she had no idea what had caused the laughter. +It bubbled forth again and again during the eve- +ning, and each time Miss Anthony received the dem- +onstration with the same air of puzzled surprise. +When we had returned to our hotel rooms I explained +the matter to her. I do not remember now where +I had acquired my own sinful knowledge, but that +night I faced ``Aunt Susan'' from the pedestal of a +sophisticated worldling. + +``Don't you know what a right bower is?'' I de- +manded, sternly. + +``Of course I do,'' insisted ``Aunt Susan.'' ``It's +a right-hand man--the kind one can't do without.'' + +``It is a card,'' I told her, firmly--``a leading card +in a game called euchre.'' + +``Aunt Susan'' was dazed. ``I didn't know it had +anything to do with cards,'' she mused, mournfully. +``What must they think of me?'' + +What they thought became quite evident. The +newspapers made countless jokes at our expense, +and there were significant smiles on the faces in the +audience that awaited us the next night. When +Miss Anthony walked upon the platform she at +once proceeded to clear herself of the tacit charge +against her. + +``When I came to your town,'' she began, cheer- +fully, ``I had been warned that you were a very +religious lot of people. I wanted to impress upon +you the fact that Miss Shaw and I are religious, too. +But I admit that when I told you she was my right +bower I did not know what a right bower was. I +have learned that, since last night.'' + +She waited until the happy chortles of her hearers +had subsided, and then went on. + +``It interests me very much, however,'' she con- +cluded, ``to realize that every one of you seemed to +know all about a right bower, and that I had to come +to your good, orthodox town to get the informa- +tion.'' + +That time the joke was on the audience. +Miss Anthony's home was in Rochester, New +York, and it was said by our friends that on the +rare occasions when we were not together, and I was +lecturing independently, ``all return roads led +through Rochester.'' I invariably found some ex- +cuse to go there and report to her. Together we +must have worn out many Rochester pavements, +for ``Aunt Susan's'' pet recreation was walking, and +she used to walk me round and round the city +squares, far into the night, and at a pace that made +policemen gape at us as we flew by. Some dis- +respectful youth once remarked that on these oc- +casions we suggested a race between a ruler and a +rubber ball--for she was very tall and thin, while +I am short and plump. To keep up with her I +literally bounded at her side. + +A certain amount of independent lecturing was +necessary for me, for I had to earn my living. The +National American Woman Suffrage Association +has never paid salaries to its officers, so, when I be- +came vice-president and eventually, in 1904, presi- +dent of the association, I continued to work gratui- +tously for the Cause in these positions. Even Miss +Anthony received not one penny of salary for all +her years of unceasing labor, and she was so poor +that she did not have a home of her own until she +was seventy-five. Then it was a very simple one, +and she lived with the utmost economy. I decided +that I could earn my bare expenses by making one +brief lecture tour each year, and I made an arrange- +ment with the Redpath Bureau which left me +fully two-thirds of my time for the suffrage work +I loved. + +This was one result of my all-night talk with Miss +Anthony in Chicago, and it enabled me to carry +out her plan that I should accompany her in most +of the campaigns in which she sought to arouse the +West to the need of suffrage for women. From that +time on we traveled and lectured together so con- +stantly that each of us developed an almost uncanny +knowledge of the other's mental processes. At any +point of either's lecture the other could pick it up +and carry it on--a fortunate condition, as it some- +times became necessary to do this. Miss Anthony +was subject to contractions of the throat, which for +the moment caused a slight strangulation. On such +occasions--of which there were several--she would +turn to me and indicate her helplessness. Then I +would repeat her last sentence, complete her speech, +and afterward make my own. + +The first time this happened we were in Washing- +ton, and ``Aunt Susan'' stopped in the middle of a +word. She could not speak; she merely motioned +to me to continue for her, and left the stage. At the +end of the evening a prominent Washington man +who had been in our audience remarked to me, con- +fidentially: + +``That was a nice little play you and Miss An- +thony made to-night--very effective indeed.'' + +For an instant I did not catch his meaning, nor +the implication in his knowing smile. + +``Very clever, that strangling bit, and your going +on with the speech,'' he repeated. ``It hit the au- +dience hard.'' + +``Surely,'' I protested, ``you don't think it was a +deliberate thing--that we planned or rehearsed it.'' + +He stared at me incredulously. ``Are you going +to pretend,'' he demanded, ``that it wasn't a put-up +job?'' + +I told him he had paid us a high compliment, and +that we must really have done very well if we had +conveyed that impression; and I finally convinced +him that we not only had not rehearsed the episode, +but that neither of us had known what the other +meant to say. We never wrote out our speeches, +but our subject was always suffrage or some ramifica- +tion of suffrage, and, naturally, we had thoroughly +digested each other's views. + +It is said by my friends that I write my speeches +on the tips of my fingers--for I always make my +points on my fingers and have my fingers named for +points. When I plan a speech I decide how many +points I wish to make and what those points shall +be. My mental preparation follows. Miss An- +thony's method was much the same; but very fre- +quently both of us threw over all our plans at the last +moment and spoke extemporaneously on some theme +suggested by the atmosphere of the gathering or by +the words of another speaker. + +From Miss Anthony, more than from any one else, +I learned to keep cool in the face of interruptions +and of the small annoyances and disasters inevitable +in campaigning. Often we were able to help each +other out of embarrassing situations, and one incident +of this kind occurred during our campaign in South +Dakota. We were holding a meeting on the hottest +Sunday of the hottest month in the year--August-- +and hundreds of the natives had driven twenty, +thirty, and even forty miles across the country to +hear us. We were to speak in a sod church, but it +was discovered that the structure would not hold half +the people who were trying to enter it, so we decided +that Miss Anthony should speak from the door, in +order that those both inside and outside might hear +her. To elevate her above her audience, she was +given an empty dry-goods box to stand on. + +This makeshift platform was not large, and men, +women, and children were seated on the ground +around it, pressing up against it, as close to the +speaker as they could get. Directly in front of Miss +Anthony sat a woman with a child about two years +old--a little boy; and this infant, like every one else +in the packed throng, was dripping with perspiration +and suffering acutely under the blazing sun. Every +woman present seemed to have brought children with +her, doubtless because she could not leave them +alone at home; and babies were crying and fretting +on all sides. The infant nearest Miss Anthony fretted +most strenuously; he was a sturdy little fellow with +a fine pair of lungs, and he made it very difficult for +her to lift her voice above his dismal clamor. Sud- +denly, however, he discovered her feet on the dry- +goods box, about on a level with his head. They +were clad in black stockings and low shoes; they +moved about oddly; they fascinated him. With a +yelp of interest he grabbed for them and began +pinching them to see what they were. His howls +ceased; he was happy. + +Miss Anthony was not. But it was a great relief +to have the child quiet, so she bore the infliction of +the pinching as long as she could. When endurance +had found its limit she slipped back out of reach, +and as his new plaything receded the boy uttered +shrieks of disapproval. There was only one way to +stop his noise; Miss Anthony brought her feet for- +ward again, and he resumed the pinching of her +ankles, while his yelps subsided to contented mur- +murs. The performance was repeated half a dozen +times. Each time the ankles retreated the baby +yelled. Finally, for once at the end of her patience, +``Aunt Susan'' leaned forward and addressed the +mother, whose facial expression throughout had +shown a complete mental detachment from the situa- +tion. + +``I think your little boy is hot and thirsty,'' she +said, gently. ``If you would take him out of the +crowd and give him a drink of water and unfasten +his clothes, I am sure he would be more comfortable.'' +Before she had finished speaking the woman had +sprung to her feet and was facing her with fierce +indignation. + +``This is the first time I have ever been insulted +as a mother,'' she cried; ``and by an old maid at +that!'' Then she grasped the infant and left the +scene, amid great confusion. The majority of those +in the audience seemed to sympathize with her. +They had not seen the episode of the feet, and they +thought Miss Anthony was complaining of the child's +crying. Their children were crying, too, and they +felt that they had all been criticized. Other women +rose and followed the irate mother, and many men +gallantly followed them. It seemed clear that +motherhood had been outraged. + +Miss Anthony was greatly depressed by the epi- +sode, and she was not comforted by a prediction one +man made after the meeting. + +``You've lost at least twenty votes by that little +affair,'' he told her. + +``Aunt Susan'' sighed. ``Well,'' she said, ``if those +men knew how my ankles felt I would have won +twenty votes by enduring the torture as long as I did.'' + +The next day we had a second meeting. Miss +Anthony made her speech early in the evening, and +by the time it was my turn to begin all the children +in the audience--and there were many--were both +tired and sleepy. At least half a dozen of them +were crying, and I had to shout to make my voice +heard above their uproar. Miss Anthony remarked +afterward that there seemed to be a contest between +me and the infants to see which of us could make +more noise. The audience was plainly getting rest- +less under the combined effect, and finally a man in +the rear rose and added his voice to the tumult. + +``Say, Miss Shaw,'' he yelled, ``don't you want +these children put out?'' + +It was our chance to remove the sad impression +of yesterday, and I grasped it. + +``No, indeed,'' I yelled back. ``Nothing inspires +me like the voice of a child!'' + +A handsome round of applause from mothers and +fathers greeted this noble declaration, after which +the blessed babies and I resumed our joint vocal +efforts. When the speech was finished and we were +alone together, Miss Anthony put her arm around +my shoulder and drew me to her side. + +``Well, Anna,'' she said, gratefully, ``you've cer- +tainly evened us up on motherhood this time.'' + +That South Dakota campaign was one of the +most difficult we ever made. It extended over nine +months; and it is impossible to describe the poverty +which prevailed throughout the whole rural com- +munity of the State. There had been three con- +secutive years of drought. The sand was like pow- +der, so deep that the wheels of the wagons in which +we rode ``across country'' sank half-way to the +hubs; and in the midst of this dry powder lay with- +ered tangles that had once been grass. Every one +had the forsaken, desperate look worn by the pioneer +who has reached the limit of his endurance, and the +great stretches of prairie roads showed innumerable +canvas-covered wagons, drawn by starved horses, +and followed by starved cows, on their way ``Back +East.'' Our talks with the despairing drivers of +these wagons are among my most tragic memories. +They had lost everything except what they had with +them, and they were going East to leave ``the wom- +an'' with her father and try to find work. Usually, +with a look of disgust at his wife, the man would +say: ``I wanted to leave two years ago, but the +woman kept saying, `Hold on a little longer.' '' + +Both Miss Anthony and I gloried in the spirit of +these pioneer women, and lost no opportunity to +tell them so; for we realized what our nation owes +to the patience and courage of such as they were. +We often asked them what was the hardest thing to +bear in their pioneer life, and we usually received +the same reply: + +``To sit in our little adobe or sod houses at night +and listen to the wolves howl over the graves of our +babies. For the howl of the wolf is like the cry of +a child from the grave.'' + +Many days, and in all kinds of weather, we rode +forty and fifty miles in uncovered wagons. Many +nights we shared a one-room cabin with all the mem- +bers of the family. But the greatest hardship we +suffered was the lack of water. There was very +little good water in the state, and the purest water +was so brackish that we could hardly drink it. The +more we drank the thirstier we became, and when +the water was made into tea it tasted worse than +when it was clear. A bath was the rarest of luxuries. +The only available fuel was buffalo manure, of which +the odor permeated all our food. But despite these +handicaps we were happy in our work, for we had +some great meetings and many wonderful experiences. + +When we reached the Black Hills we had more of +this genuine campaigning. We traveled over the +mountains in wagons, behind teams of horses, visit- +ing the mining-camps; and often the gullies were so +deep that when our horses got into them it was al- +most impossible to get them out. I recall with +special clearness one ride from Hill City to Custer +City. It was only a matter of thirty miles, but it was +thoroughly exhausting; and after our meeting that +same night we had to drive forty miles farther over +the mountains to get the early morning train from +Buffalo Gap. The trail from Custer City to Buffalo +Gap was the one the animals had originally made in +their journeys over the pass, and the drive in that +wild region, throughout a cold, piercing October +night, was an unforgetable experience. Our host at +Custer City lent Miss Anthony his big buffalo over- +coat, and his wife lent hers to me. They also heated +blocks of wood for our feet, and with these pro- +tections we started. A full moon hung in the sky. +The trees were covered with hoar-frost, and the cold, +still air seemed to sparkle in the brilliant light. +Again Miss Anthony talked to me throughout the +night--of the work, always of the work, and of what +it would mean to the women who followed us; and +again she fired my soul with the flame that burned +so steadily in her own. + +It was daylight when we reached the little sta- +tion at Buffalo Gap where we were to take the +train. This was not due, however, for half an hour, +and even then it did not come. The station was +only large enough to hold the stove, the ticket-office, +and the inevitable cuspidor. There was barely +room in which to walk between these and the wall. +Miss Anthony sat down on the floor. I had a few +raisins in my bag, and we divided them for breakfast. +An hour passed, and another, and still the train did +not come. Miss Anthony, her back braced against +the wall, buried her face in her hands and dropped +into a peaceful abyss of slumber, while I walked +restlessly up and down the platform. The train +arrived four hours late, and when eventually we had +reached our destination we learned that the min- +isters of the town had persuaded the women to give +up the suffrage meeting scheduled for that night, as +it was Sunday. + +This disappointment, following our all-day and +all-night drive to keep our appointment, aroused +Miss Anthony's fighting spirit. She sent me out to +rent the theater for the evening, and to have some +hand-bills printed and distributed, announcing that +we would speak. At three o'clock she made the +concession to her seventy years of lying down for +an hour's rest. I was young and vigorous, so I +trotted around town to get somebody to preside, +somebody to introduce us, somebody to take up +the collection, and somebody who would provide +music--in short, to make all our preparations for +the night meeting. + +When evening came the crowd which had assem- +bled was so great that men and women sat in the +windows and on the stage, and stood in the flies. +Night attractions were rare in that Dakota town, +and here was something new. Nobody went to +church, so the churches were forced to close. We +had a glorious meeting. Both Miss Anthony and I +were in excellent fighting trim, and Miss Anthony +remarked that the only thing lacking to make me +do my best was a sick headache. The collection we +took up paid all our expenses, the church singers +sang for us, the great audience was interested, and +the whole occasion was an inspiring success. + +The meeting ended about half after ten o'clock, +and I remember taking Miss Anthony to our hotel +and escorting her to her room. I also remember +that she followed me to the door and made some +laughing remark as I left for my own room; but I +recall nothing more until the next morning when +she stood beside me telling me it was time for break- +fast. She had found me lying on the cover of my +bed, fully clothed even to my bonnet and shoes. +I had fallen there, utterly exhausted, when I entered +my room the night before, and I do not think I had +even moved from that time until the moment-- +nine hours later--when I heard her voice and felt +her hand on my shoulder. + +After all our work, we did not win Dakota that +year, but Miss Anthony bore the disappointment +with the serenity she always showed. To her a +failure was merely another opportunity, and I men- +tion our experience here only to show of what she +was capable in her gallant seventies. But I should +misrepresent her if I did not show her human and +sentimental side as well. With all her detachment +from human needs she had emotional moments, and +of these the most satisfying came when she was +listening to music. She knew nothing whatever +about music, but was deeply moved by it; and I re- +member vividly one occasion when Nordica sang +for her, at an afternoon reception given by a Chicago +friend in ``Aunt Susan's'' honor. As it happened, +she had never heard Nordica sing until that day; +and before the music began the great artiste and the +great leader met, and in the moment of meeting +became friends. When Nordica sang, half an hour +later, she sang directly to Miss Anthony, looking +into her eyes; and ``Aunt Susan'' listened with her +own eyes full of tears. When the last notes had been +sung she went to the singer and put both arms +around her. The music had carried her back to her +girlhood and to the sentiment of sixteen. + +``Oh, Nordica,'' she sighed, ``I could die listening +to such singing!'' + +Another example of her unquenchable youth has +also a Chicago setting. During the World's Fair a +certain clergyman made an especially violent stand +in favor of closing the Fair grounds on Sunday. +Miss Anthony took issue with him. + +``If I had charge of a young man in Chicago at this +time,'' she told the clergyman, ``I would much +rather have him locked inside the Fair grounds on +Sunday or any other day than have him going +about on the outside.'' + +The clergyman was horrified. ``Would you like +to have a son of yours go to Buffalo Bill's Wild West +Show on Sunday?'' he demanded. + +``Of course I would,'' admitted Miss Anthony. +``In fact, I think he would learn more there than +from the sermons preached in some churches.'' + +Later this remark was repeated to Colonel Cody +(``Buffalo Bill''), who, of course, was delighted with +it. He at once wrote to Miss Anthony, thanking +her for the breadth of her views, and offering her a +box for his ``Show.'' She had no strong desire +to see the performance, but some of us urged her to +accept the invitation and to take us with her. She +was always ready to do anything that would give +us pleasure, so she promised that we should go the +next afternoon. Others heard of the jaunt and +begged to go also, and Miss Anthony blithely took +every applicant under her wing, with the result that +when we arrived at the box-office the next day +there were twelve of us in the group. When she +presented her note and asked for a box, the local +manager looked doubtfully at the delegation. + +``A box only holds six,'' he objected, logically. +Miss Anthony, who had given no thought to that +slight detail, looked us over and smiled her seraphic +smile. + +``Why, in that case,'' she said, cheerfully, ``you'll +have to give us two boxes, won't you?'' + +The amused manager decided that he would, and +handed her the tickets; and she led her band to +their places in triumph. When the performance be- +gan Colonel Cody, as was his custom, entered the +arena from the far end of the building, riding his +wonderful horse and bathed, of course, in the efful- +gence of his faithful spot-light. He rode directly +to our boxes, reined his horse in front of Miss An- +thony, rose in his stirrups, and with his characteris- +tic gesture swept his slouch-hat to his saddle-bow in +salutation. ``Aunt Susan'' immediately rose, bowed +in her turn and, for the moment as enthusiastic as a +girl, waved her handkerchief at him, while the big +audience, catching the spirit of the scene, wildly +applauded. It was a striking picture this meeting +of the pioneer man and woman; and, poor as I am, +I would give a hundred dollars for a snapshot of it. + +On many occasions I saw instances of Miss An- +thony's prescience--and one of these was connected +with the death of Frances E. Willard. ``Aunt +Susan'' had called on Miss Willard, and, coming to +me from the sick-room, had walked the floor, beating +her hands together as she talked of the visit. + +``Frances Willard is dying,'' she exclaimed, pas- +sionately. ``She is dying, and she doesn't know it, +and no one around her realizes it. She is lying there, +seeing into two worlds, and making more plans than +a thousand women could carry out in ten years. +Her brain is wonderful. She has the most extraor- +dinary clearness of vision. There should be a stenog- +rapher in that room, and every word she utters +should be taken down, for every word is golden. +But they don't understand. They can't realize that +she is going. I told Anna Gordon the truth, but she +won't believe it.'' + +Miss Willard died a few days later, with a sudden- +ness which seemed to be a terrible shock to those +around her. + +Of ``Aunt Susan's'' really remarkable lack of self- +consciousness we who worked close to her had a +thousand extraordinary examples. Once, I remem- +ber, at the New Orleans Convention, she reached +the hall a little late, and as she entered the great +audience already assembled gave her a tremendous +reception. The exercises of the day had not yet +begun, and Miss Anthony stopped short and looked +around for an explanation of the outburst. It never +for a moment occurred to her that the tribute was +to her. + +``What has happened, Anna?'' she asked at last. + +``You happened, Aunt Susan,'' I had to explain. + +Again, on the great ``College Night'' of the Balti- +more Convention, when President M. Carey Thomas +of Bryn Mawr College had finished her wonderful +tribute to Miss Anthony, the audience, carried away +by the speech and also by the presence of the vener- +able leader on the platform, broke into a whirlwind +of applause. In this ``Aunt Susan'' artlessly joined, +clapping her hands as hard as she could. ``This is +all for you, Aunt Susan,'' I whispered, ``so it isn't +your time to applaud.'' + +``Aunt Susan'' continued to clap. ``Nonsense,'' +she said, briskly. ``It's not for me. It's for the +Cause--the Cause!'' + +Miss Anthony told me in 1904 that she regarded +her reception in Berlin, during the meeting of the +International Council of Women that year, as the +climax of her career. She said it after the unex- +pected and wonderful ovation she had received from +the German people, and certainly throughout her +inspiring life nothing had happened that moved her +more deeply. + +For some time Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt, of +whose splendid work for the Cause I shall later have +more to say, had cherished the plan of forming an +International Suffrage Alliance. She believed the +time had come when the suffragists of the entire +world could meet to their common benefit; and Miss +Anthony, always Mrs. Catt's devoted friend and ad- +mirer, agreed with her. A committee was appointed +to meet in Berlin in 1904, just before the meeting +of the International Council of Women, and Miss +Anthony was appointed chairman of the committee. +At first the plan of the committee was not welcomed +by the International Council; there was even a sus- +picion that its purpose was to start a rival organiza- +tion. But it met, a constitution was framed, and +officers were elected, Mrs. Catt--the ideal choice +for the place--being made president. As a climax +to the organization, a great public mass-meeting had +been arranged by the German suffragists, but at the +special plea of the president of the International +Council Miss Anthony remained away from this +meeting. It was represented to her that the in- +terests of the Council might suffer if she and other +of its leading speakers were also leaders in the suf- +frage movement. In the interest of harmony, there +fore, she followed the wishes of the Council's presi- +dent--to my great unhappiness and to that of other +suffragists. + +When the meeting was opened the first words of +the presiding officer were, ``Where is Susan B. An- +thony?'' and the demonstration that followed the +question was the most unexpected and overwhelm- +ing incident of the gathering. The entire audience +rose, men jumped on their chairs, and the cheering +continued without a break for ten minutes. Every +second of that time I seemed to see Miss Anthony, +alone in her hotel room, longing with all her big +heart to be with us, as we longed to have her. I +prayed that the loss of a tribute which would have +meant so much might be made up to her, and it was. +Afterward, when we burst in upon her and told her +of the great demonstration the mere mention of her +name had caused, her lips quivered and her brave +old eyes filled with tears. As we looked at her I +think we all realized anew that what the world called +stoicism in Susan B. Anthony throughout the years +of her long struggle had been, instead, the splendid +courage of an indomitable soul--while all the time +the woman's heart had longed for affection and +recognition. The next morning the leading Berlin +newspaper, in reporting the debate and describing +the spontaneous tribute to Miss Anthony, closed +with these sentences: ``The Americans call her +`Aunt Susan.' She is our `Aunt Susan,' too!'' + +Throughout the remainder of Miss Anthony's +visit she was the most honored figure at the Inter- +national Council. Every time she entered the great +convention-hall the entire audience rose and re- +mained standing until she was seated; each mention +of her name was punctuated by cheers; and the en- +thusiasm when she appeared on the platform to say +a few words was beyond bounds. When the Em- +press of Germany gave her reception to the officers +of the Council, she crowned the hospitality of her +people in a characteristically gracious way. As soon +as Miss Anthony was presented to her the Empress +invited her to be seated, and to remain seated, al- +though every one else, including the august lady +herself, was standing. A little later, seeing the in- +trepid warrior of eighty-four on her feet with the +other delegates, the Empress sent one of her aides +across the room with this message: ``Please tell my +friend Miss Anthony that I especially wish her to +be seated. We must not let her grow weary.'' + +In her turn, Miss Anthony was fascinated by the +Empress. She could not keep her eyes off that +charming royal lady. Probably the thing that most +impressed her was the ability of her Majesty as a +linguist. Receiving women from every civilized +country on the globe, the Empress seemed to address +each in her own tongue-slipping from one language +into the next as easily as from one topic to another. + +``And here I am,'' mourned ``Aunt Susan,'' ``speak- +ing only one language, and that not very well.'' + +At this Berlin quinquennial, by the way, I preached +the Council sermon, and the occasion gained a cer- +tain interest from the fact that I was the first or- +dained woman to preach in a church in Germany. +It then took on a tinge of humor from the additional +fact that, according to the German law, as suddenly +revealed to us by the police, no clergyman was per- +mitted to preach unless clothed in clerical robes in +the pulpit. It happened that I had not taken my +clerical robes with me--I am constantly forgetting +those clerical robes!--so the pastor of the church +kindly offered me his robes. + +Now the pastor was six feet tall and broad in pro- +portion, and I, as I have already confessed, am very +short. His robes transformed me into such an absurd +caricature of a preacher that it was quite impossible +for me to wear them. What, then, were we to do? +Lacking clerical robes, the police would not allow +me to utter six words. It was finally decided that +the clergyman should meet the letter of the law by +entering the pulpit in his robes and standing by my +side while I delivered my sermon. The law soberly +accepted this solution of the problem, and we offered +the congregation the extraordinary tableau of a +pulpit combining a large and impressive pastor +standing silently beside a small and inwardly con- +vulsed woman who had all she could do to deliver +her sermon with the solemnity the occasion re- +quired. + +At this same conference I made one of the few +friendships I enjoy with a member of a European +royal family, for I met the Princess Blank of Italy, +who overwhelmed me with attention during my visit, +and from whom I still receive charming letters. She +invited me to visit her in her castle in Italy, and to +accompany her to her mother's castle in Austria, +and she finally insisted on knowing exactly why I +persistently refused both invitations. + +``Because, my dear Princess,'' I explained, ``I am +a working-woman.'' + +``Nobody need KNOW that,'' murmured the Princess, +calmly. + +``On the contrary,'' I assured her, ``it is the first +thing I should explain.'' + +``But why?'' the Princess wanted to know. + +I studied her in silence for a moment. She was a +new and interesting type to me, and I was glad to +exchange viewpoints with her. + +``You are proud of your family, are you not?'' I +asked. ``You are proud of your great line?'' + +The Princess drew herself up. ``Assuredly,'' she +said. + +``Very well,'' I continued. ``I am proud, too. +What I have done I have done unaided, and, to be +frank with you, I rather approve of it. My work +is my patent of nobility, and I am not willing to +associate with those from whom it would have to be +concealed or with those who would look down upon +it.'' + +The Princess sighed. I was a new type to her, +too, as new as she was to me; but I had the ad- +vantage of her, for I could understand her point of +view, whereas she apparently could not follow mine. +She was very gracious to me, however, showing me +kindness and friendship in a dozen ways, giving me +an immense amount of her time and taking rather +more of my time than I could spare, but never for- +getting for a moment that her blood was among the +oldest in Europe, and that all her traditions were in +keeping with its honorable age. + +After the Berlin meeting Miss Anthony and I +were invited to spend a week-end at the home of +Mrs. Jacob Bright, that ``Aunt Susan'' might re- +new her acquaintance with Annie Besant. This +visit is among my most vivid memories. Originally +``Aunt Susan'' had greatly admired Mrs. Besant, +and had openly lamented the latter's concentration +on theosophical interests--when, as Miss Anthony +put it, ``there are so many live problems here in this +world.'' Now she could not conceal her disapproval +of the ``other-worldliness'' of Mrs. Besant, Mrs. +Bright, and her daughter. Some remarkable and, +to me, most amusing discussions took place among +the three; but often, during Mrs. Besant's most sus- +tained oratorical flights, Miss Anthony's interest +would wander, and she would drop a remark that +showed she had not heard a word. She had a great +admiration for Mrs. Besant's intellect; but she dis- +approved of her flowing and picturesque white robes, +of her bare feet, of her incessant cigarette-smoking; +above all, of her views. At last, one day.{sic} the climax +of the discussions came. + +``Annie,'' demanded ``Aunt Susan,'' ``why don't +you make that aura of yours do its gallivanting in +this world, looking up the needs of the oppressed, +and investigating the causes of present wrongs? +Then you could reveal to us workers just what we +should do to put things right, and we could be +about it.'' + +Mrs. Besant sighed and said that life was short +and aeons were long, and that while every one would +be perfected some time, it was useless to deal with +individuals here. + +``But, Annie!'' exclaimed Miss Anthony, patheti- +cally. ``We ARE here! Our business is here! It's +our duty to do what we can here.'' + +Mrs. Besant seemed not to hear her. She was in +a trance, gazing into the aeons. + +``I'd rather have one year of your ability, backed +up with common sense, for the work of making this +world better,'' cried the exasperated ``Aunt Susan,'' +``than a million aeons in the hereafter!'' + +Mrs. Besant sighed again. It was plain that she +could not bring herself back from the other world, +so Miss Anthony, perforce, accompanied her to it. + +``When your aura goes visiting in the other +world,'' she asked, curiously, ``does it ever meet +your old friend Charles Bradlaugh?'' + +``Oh yes,'' declared Mrs. Besant. ``Frequently.'' + +``Wasn't he very much surprised,'' demanded Miss +Anthony, with growing interest, ``to discover that he +was not dead?'' + +Mrs. Besant did not seem to know what emotion +Mr. Bradlaugh had experienced when that revela- +tion came. + +``Well,'' mused ``Aunt Susan,'' ``I should think +he would have been surprised. He was so certain +he was going to be dead that it must have been +astounding to discover he wasn't. What was he +doing in the other world?'' + +Mrs. Besant heaved a deeper sigh. ``I am very +much discouraged over Mr. Bradlaugh,'' she ad- +mitted, wanly. `` He is hovering too near this +world. He cannot seem to get away from his mun- +dane interests. He is as much concerned with par- +liamentary affairs now as when he was on this +plane.'' + +``Humph!'' said Miss Anthony; ``that's the most +sensible thing I've heard yet about the other world. +It encourages me. I've always felt sure that if I +entered the other life before women were enfran- +chised nothing in the glories of heaven would in- +terest me so much as the work for women's freedom +on earth. Now,'' she ended, ``I shall be like Mr. +Bradlaugh. I shall hover round and continue my +work here.'' + +When Mrs. Besant had left the room Mrs. Bright +felt that it was her duty to admonish ``Aunt Susan'' +to be more careful in what she said. + +``You are making too light of her creed,'' she ex- +postulated. ``You do not realize the important +position Mrs. Besant holds. Why, in India, when +she walks from her home to her school all those she +meets prostrate themselves. Even the learned men +prostrate themselves and put their faces on the +ground as she goes by.'' + +``Aunt Susan's'' voice, when she replied, took on +the tones of one who is sorely tried. ``But why in +Heaven's name does any sensible Englishwoman +want a lot of heathen to prostrate themselves as she +goes up the street?'' she demanded, wearily. ``It's +the most foolish thing I ever heard.'' + +The effort to win Miss Anthony over to the theo- +sophical doctrine was abandoned. That night, after +we had gone to our rooms, ``Aunt Susan'' summed up +her conclusions on the interview: + +``It's a good thing for the world,'' she declared, +``that some of us don't know so much. And it's a +better thing for this world that some of us think a +little earthly common sense is more valuable than +too much heavenly knowledge.'' + + + +X + +THE PASSING OF ``AUNT SUSAN'' + + +On one occasion Miss Anthony had the doubt- +ful pleasure of reading her own obituary notices, +and her interest in them was characteristically naive. +She had made a speech at Lakeside, Ohio, during +which, for the first time in her long experience, she +fainted on the platform. I was not with her at the +time, and in the excitement following her collapse +it was rumored that she had died. Immediately +the news was telegraphed to the Associated Press +of New York, and from there flashed over the +country. At Miss Anthony's home in Rochester a +reporter rang the bell and abruptly informed her +sister, Miss Mary Anthony, who came to the door, +that ``Aunt Susan'' was dead. Fortunately Miss +Mary had a cool head. + +``I think,'' she said, ``that if my sister had died +I would have heard about it. Please have your +editors telegraph to Lakeside.'' + +The reporter departed, but came back an hour +later to say that his newspaper had sent the tele- +gram and the reply was that Susan B. Anthony was +dead. + +``I have just received a better telegram than that,'' +remarked Mary Anthony. `` Mine is from my +sister; she tells me that she fainted to-night, but +soon recovered and will be home to-morrow.'' + +Nevertheless, the next morning the American +newspapers gave much space to Miss Anthony's +obituary notices, and ``Aunt Susan'' spent some in- +teresting hours reading them. One that pleased her +vastly was printed in the Wichita Eagle, whose editor, +Mr. Murdock, had been almost her bitterest op- +ponent. He had often exhausted his brilliant vo- +cabulary in editorial denunciations of suffrage and +suffragists, and Miss Anthony had been the special +target of his scorn. But the news of her death seemed +to be a bitter blow to him; and of all the tributes +the American press gave to Susan B. Anthony dead, +few equaled in beauty and appreciation the one +penned by Mr. Murdock and published in the Eagle. +He must have been amused when, a few days later, +he received a letter from ``Aunt Susan'' herself, +thanking him warmly for his changed opinion of her +and hoping that it meant the conversion of his soul +to our Cause. It did not, and Mr. Murdock, though +never again quite as bitter as he had been, soon +resumed the free editorial expression of his anti- +suffrage sentiments. Times have changed, however, +and to-day his son, now a member of Congress, is +one of our strongest supporters in that body. + +In 1905 it became plain that Miss Anthony's +health was failing. Her visits to Germany and +England the previous year, triumphant though they +had been, had also proved a drain on her vitality; +and soon after her return to America she entered +upon a task which helped to exhaust her remaining +strength. She had been deeply interested in se- +curing a fund of $50,000 to enable women to enter +Rochester University, and, one morning, just after +we had held a session of our executive committee +in her Rochester home, she read a newspaper an- +nouncement to the effect that at four o'clock that +afternoon the opportunity to admit women to the +university would expire, as the full fifty thousand +dollars had not been raised. The sum of eight +thousand dollars was still lacking. + +With characteristic energy, Miss Anthony under- +took to save the situation by raising this amount +within the time limit. Rushing to the telephone, +she called a cab and prepared to go forth on her +difficult quest; but first, while she was putting on +her hat and coat, she insisted that her sister, Mary +Anthony, should start the fund by contributing one +thousand dollars from her meager savings, and this +Miss Mary did. ``Aunt Susan'' made every second +count that day, and by half after three o'clock she +had secured the necessary pledges. Several of the +trustees of the university, however, had not seemed +especially anxious to have the fund raised, and at +the last moment they objected to one pledge for a +thousand dollars, on the ground that the man who +had given it was very old and might die before the +time set to pay it; then his family, they feared, +might repudiate the obligation. Without a word +Miss Anthony seized the pledge and wrote her name +across it as an indorsement. ``I am good for it,'' +she then said, quietly, ``if the gentleman who signed +it is not.'' + +That afternoon she returned home greatly fa- +tigued. A few hours later the girl students who +had been waiting admission to the university came +to serenade her in recognition of her successful work +for them, but she was too ill to see them. She was +passing through the first stage of what proved to +be her final breakdown. + +In 1906, when the date of the annual convention of +the National American Woman Suffrage Association +in Baltimore was drawing near, she became convinced +that it would be her last convention. She was right. +She showed a passionate eagerness to make it one +of the greatest conventions ever held in the history +of the movement; and we, who loved her and saw +that the flame of her life was burning low, also bent +all our energies to the task of realizing her hopes. +In November preceding the convention she visited me +and her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, in our home in +Mount Airy, Philadelphia, and it was clear that her +anxiety over the convention was weighing heavily +upon her. She visibly lost strength from day to +day. One morning she said abruptly, ``Anna, let's +go and call on President M. Carey Thomas, of +Bryn Mawr.'' + +I wrote a note to Miss Thomas, telling her of Miss +Anthony's desire to see her, and received an im- +mediate reply inviting us to luncheon the following +day. We found Miss Thomas deep in the work +connected with her new college buildings, over which +she showed us with much pride. Miss Anthony, of +course, gloried in the splendid results Miss Thomas +had achieved, but she was, for her, strangely silent +and preoccupied. At luncheon she said: + +``Miss Thomas, your buildings are beautiful; +your new library is a marvel; but they are not the +cause of our presence here.'' + +``No,'' Miss Thomas said; ``I know you have +something on your mind. I am waiting for you to +tell me what it is.'' + +``We want your co-operation, and that of Miss +Garrett,'' began Miss Anthony, promptly, ``to make +our Baltimore Convention a success. We want you +to persuade the Arundel Club of Baltimore, the +most fashionable club in the city, to give a recep- +tion to the delegates; and we want you to arrange +a college night on the programme--a great college +night, with the best college speakers ever brought +together.'' + +These were large commissions for two extremely +busy women, but both Miss Thomas and Miss +Garrett--realizing Miss Anthony's intense earnest- +ness--promised to think over the suggestions and +see what they could do. The next morning we re- +ceived a telegram from them stating that Miss +Thomas would arrange the college evening, and that +Miss Garrett would reopen her Baltimore home, +which she had closed, during the convention. She +also invited Miss Anthony and me to be her guests +there, and added that she would try to arrange the +reception by the Arundel Club. + +``Aunt Susan'' was overjoyed. I have never seen +her happier than she was over the receipt of that +telegram. She knew that whatever Miss Thomas +and Miss Garrett undertook would be accomplished, +and she rightly regarded the success of the conven- +tion as already assured. Her expectations were +more than realized. The college evening was un- +doubtedly the most brilliant occasion of its kind +ever arranged for a convention. President Ira +Remsen of Johns Hopkins University presided, and +addresses were made by President Mary E. Woolley +of Mount Holyoke, Professor Lucy Salmon of Vassar, +Professor Mary Jordan of Smith, President Thomas +herself, and many others. + +From beginning to end the convention was prob- +ably the most notable yet held in our history. +Julia Ward Howe and her daughter, Florence Howe +Hall, were also guests of Miss Garrett, who, more- +over, entertained all the speakers of ``College Night.'' +Miss Anthony, now eighty-six, arrived in Baltimore +quite ill, and Mrs. Howe, who was ninety, was taken +ill soon after she reached there. The two great +women made a dramatic exchange on the programme, +for on the first night, when Miss Anthony was un- +able to speak, Mrs. Howe took her place, and on the +second night, when Mrs. Howe had succumbed, +Miss Anthony had recovered sufficiently to appear +for her. Clara Barton was also an honored figure +at the convention, and Miss Anthony's joy in the +presence of all these old and dear friends was over- +flowing. With them, too, were the younger women, +ready to take up and carry on the work the old +leaders were laying down; and ``Aunt Susan,'' as +she surveyed them all, felt like a general whose +superb army is passing in review before him. +At the close of the college programme, when the +final address had been made by Miss Thomas, Miss +Anthony rose and in a few words expressed her +feeling that her life-work was done, and her con- +sciousness of the near approach of the end. After +that night she was unable to appear, and was indeed +so ill that she was confined to her bed in Miss Gar- +rett's most hospitable home. Nothing could have +been more thoughtful or more beautiful than the +care Miss Garrett and Miss Thomas bestowed on her. +They engaged for her one of the best physicians in +Baltimore, who, in turn, consulted with the leading +specialists of Johns Hopkins, and they also secured +a trained nurse. This final attention required +special tact, for Miss Anthony's fear of ``giving +trouble'' was so great that she was not willing to +have a nurse. The nurse, therefore, wore a house- +maid's uniform, and ``Aunt Susan'' remained wholly +unconscious that she was being cared for by one of +the best nurses in the famous hospital. + +Between sessions of the convention I used to +sit by ``Aunt Susan's'' bed and tell her what was +going on. She was triumphant over the immense +success of the convention, but it was clear that +she was still worrying over the details of future +work. One day at luncheon Miss Thomas asked +me, casually: + +``By the way, how do you raise the money to +carry on your work?'' + +When I told her the work was wholly dependent +on voluntary contributions and on the services of +those who were willing to give themselves gratui- +tously to it, Miss Thomas was greatly surprised. +She and Miss Garrett asked a number of practical +questions, and at the end of our talk they looked at +each other. + +``I don't think,'' said Miss Thomas, ``that we have +quite done our duty in this matter.'' + +The next day they invited a number of us to +dinner, to again discuss the situation; and they +admitted that they had sat up throughout the +previous night, talking the matter over and trying +to find some way to help us. They had also dis- +cussed the situation with Miss Anthony, to her vast +content, and had finally decided that they would +try to raise a fund of $60,000, to be paid in yearly +instalments of $12,000 for five years--part of these +annual instalments to be used as salaries for the +active officers. +The mere mention of so large a fund startled us +all. We feared that it could not possibly be raised. +But Miss Anthony plainly believed that now the +last great wish of her life had been granted. She +was convinced that Miss Thomas and Miss Gar- +rett could accomplish anything--even the miracle +of raising $60,000 for the suffrage cause--and they +did, though ``Aunt Susan'' was not here to glory +over the result when they had achieved it. + +On the 15th of February we left Baltimore for +Washington, where Miss Anthony was to cele- +brate her eighty-sixth birthday. For many years +the National American Woman Suffrage Associa- +tion had celebrated our birthdays together, as hers +came on the 15th of the month and mine on the +14th. There had been an especially festive banquet +when she was seventy-four and I was forty-seven, +and our friends had decorated the table with floral +``4's'' and ``7's''--the centerpiece representing ``74'' +during the first half of the banquet, and ``47'' the +latter half. This time ``Aunt Susan'' should not +have attempted the Washington celebration, for she +was still ill and exhausted by the strain of the con- +vention. But notwithstanding her sufferings and +the warnings of her physicians, she insisted on being +present; so Miss Garrett sent the trained nurse to +Washington with her, and we all tried to make the jour- +ney the least possible strain on the patient's vitality. + +On our arrival in Washington we went to the +Shoreham, where, as always, the proprietor took pains +to give Miss Anthony a room with a view of the +Washington monument, which she greatly admired. +When I entered her room a little later I found her +standing at a window, holding herself up with hands +braced against the casement on either side, and so +absorbed in the view that she did not hear my ap- +proach. When I spoke to her she answered with- +out turning her head. + +``That,'' she said, softly, ``is the most beautiful +monument in the world.'' + +I stood by her side, and together we looked at it +in silence I realizing with a sick heart that ``Aunt +Susan'' knew she was seeing it for the last time. + +The birthday celebration that followed our exec- +utive meeting was an impressive one. It was held +in the Church of Our Father, whose pastor, the Rev. +John Van Schaick, had always been exceedingly kind +to Miss Anthony. Many prominent men spoke. +President Roosevelt and other statesmen sent most +friendly letters, and William H. Taft had promised to +be present. He did not come, nor did he, then or +later, send any excuse for not coming--an omission +that greatly disappointed Miss Anthony, who had +always admired him. I presided at the meeting, +and though we all did our best to make it gay, a +strange hush hung over the assemblage a solemn +stillness, such as one feels in the presence of death. +We became more and more conscious that Miss +Anthony was suffering, and we hastened the exer- +cises all we could. When I read President Roose- +velt's long tribute to her, Miss Anthony rose to +comment on it. + +``One word from President Roosevelt in his mes- +sage to Congress,'' she said, a little wearily, ``would +be worth a thousand eulogies of Susan B. Anthony. +When will men learn that what we ask is not praise, +but justice?'' + +At the close of the meeting, realizing how weak +she was, I begged her to let me speak for her. But +she again rose, rested her hand on my shoulder, +and, standing by my side, uttered the last words +she ever spoke in public, pleading with women to +consecrate themselves to the Cause, assuring them +that no power could prevent its ultimate success, +but reminding them also that the time of its coming +would depend wholly on their work and their loyalty. +She ended with three words--very fitting words +from her lips, expressing as they did the spirit of her +life-work--``FAILURE IS IMPOSSIBLE.'' + +The next morning she was taken to her home in +Rochester, and one month from that day we con- +ducted her funeral services. The nurse who had +accompanied her from Baltimore remained with +her until two others had been secured to take her +place, and every care that love or medical science +could suggest was lavished on the patient. But +from the first it was plain that, as she herself had +foretold, ``Aunt Susan's'' soul was merely waiting +for the hour of its passing. + +One of her characteristic traits was a dislike to +being seen, even by those nearest to her, when she +was not well. During the first three weeks of her +last illness, therefore, I did what she wished me to +do--I continued our work, trying to do hers as well +as my own. But all the time my heart was in her +sick-room, and at last the day came when I could +no longer remain away from her. I had awakened +in the morning with a strong conviction that she +needed me, and at the breakfast-table I announced +to her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, the friend who for +years has shared my home, that I was going at once +to ``Aunt Susan.'' + +``I shall not even wait to telegraph,'' I declared. +``I am sure she has sent for me; I shall take the +first train.'' + +The journey brought me very close to death. As +we were approaching Wilkes-Barre our train ran into +a wagon loaded with powder and dynamite, which +had been left on the track. The horses attached to +it had been unhitched by their driver, who had spent +his time in this effort, when he saw the train coming, +instead of in signaling to the engineer. I was on +my way to the dining-car when the collision occurred. +and, with every one else who happened to be stand- +ing, I was hurled to the floor by the impact; flash +after flash of blinding light outside, accompanied by +a terrific roar, added to the panic of the passengers. +When the train stopped we learned how narrow had +been our escape from an especially unpleasant form +of death. The dynamite in the wagon was frozen, +and therefore had not exploded; it was the ex- +plosion of the powder that had caused the flashes +and the din. The dark-green cars were burned +almost white, and as we stood staring at them, a +silent, stunned group, our conductor said, quietly, +``You will never be as near death again, and escape, +as you have been to-day.'' + +The accident caused a long delay, and it was ten +o'clock at night when I reached Rochester and Miss +Anthony's home. As I entered the house Miss +Mary Anthony rose in surprise to greet me. + +``How did you get here so soon?'' she cried. +And then: ``We sent for you this afternoon. Susan +has been asking for you all day.'' + +When I reached my friend's bedside one glance +at her face showed me the end was near; and from +that time until it came, almost a week later, I re- +mained with her; while again, as always, she talked +of the Cause, and of the life-work she must now lay +down. The first thing she spoke of was her will, +which she had made several years before, and in +which she had left the small property she possessed +to her sister Mary, her niece Lucy, and myself, with +instructions as to the use we three were to make of +it. Now she told me we were to pay no attention +to these instructions, but to give every dollar of her +money to the $60,000 fund Miss Thomas and Miss +Garrett were trying to raise. She was vitally in- +terested in this fund, as its success meant that for +five years the active officers of the National Ameri- +can Woman Suffrage Association, including myself +as president, would for the first time receive salaries +for our work. When she had given her instructions +on this point she still seemed depressed. + +``I wish I could live on,'' she said, wistfully. +``But I cannot. My spirit is eager and my heart +is as young as it ever was, but my poor old body is +worn out. Before I go I want you to give me a +promise: Promise me that you will keep the presi- +dency of the association as long as you are well +enough to do the work.'' + +``But how can I promise that?'' I asked. ``I can +keep it only as long as others wish me to keep +it.'' + +``Promise to make them wish you to keep it,'' +she urged. ``Just as I wish you to keep it.'' + +I would have promised her anything then. So, +though I knew that to hold the presidency would tie +me to a position that brought in no living income, +and though for several years past I had already +drawn alarmingly upon my small financial reserve, +I promised her that I would hold the office as long +as the majority of the women in the association +wished me to do so. ``But,'' I added, ``if the time +comes when I believe that some one else can do +better work in the presidency than I, then let me +feel at liberty to resign it.'' + +This did not satisfy her. + +``No, no,'' she objected. ``You cannot be the +judge of that. Promise me you will remain until +the friends you most trust tell you it is time to with- +draw, or make you understand that it is time. +Promise me that.'' + +I made the promise. She seemed content, and +again began to talk of the future. + +``You will not have an easy path,'' she warned +me. ``In some ways it will be harder for you than it +has ever been for me. I was so much older than the +rest of you, and I had been president so long, that +you girls have all been willing to listen to me. It +will be different with you. Other women of your +own age have been in the work almost as long as you +have been; you do not stand out from them by age +or length of service, as I did. There will be inevi- +table jealousies and misunderstandings; there will +be all sorts of criticism and misrepresentation. My +last word to you is this: No matter what is done +or is not done, how you are criticized or misunder- +stood, or what efforts are made to block your path, +remember that the only fear you need have is the +fear of not standing by the thing you believe to be +right. Take your stand and hold it; then let come +what will, and receive blows like a good soldier.'' + +I was too much overcome to answer her; and +after a moment of silence she, in her turn, made me +a promise. + +``I do not know anything about what comes to us +after this life ends,'' she said. ``But if there is a +continuance of life beyond it, and if I have any +conscious knowledge of this world and of what you +are doing, I shall not be far away from you; and in +times of need I will help you all I can. Who knows? +Perhaps I may be able to do more for the Cause +after I am gone than while I am here.'' + +Nine years have passed since then, and in each +day of them all it seems to me, in looking back, I +have had some occasion to recall her words. When +they were uttered I did not fully comprehend all +they meant, or the clearness of the vision that had +suggested them. It seemed to me that no position +I could hold would be of sufficient importance to +attract jealousy or personal attacks. The years have +brought more wisdom; I have learned that any one +who assumes leadership, or who, like myself, has +had leadership forced upon her, must expect to bear +many things of which the world knows nothing. +But with this knowledge, too, has come the memory +of ``Aunt Susan's'' last promise, and again and yet +again in hours of discouragement and despair I have +been helped by the blessed conviction that she was +keeping it. + +During the last forty-eight hours of her life she +was unwilling that I should leave her side. So day +and night I knelt by her bed, holding her hand and +watching the flame of her wonderful spirit grow dim. +At times, even then, it blazed up with startling sud- +denness. On the last afternoon of her life, when she +had lain quiet for hours, she suddenly began to utter +the names of the women who had worked with her, +as if in a final roll-call. Many of them had preceded +her into the next world; others were still splendidly +active in the work she was laying down. But young +or old, living or dead, they all seemed to file past +her dying eyes that day in an endless, shadowy re- +view, and as they went by she spoke to each of them. + +Not all the names she mentioned were known in +suffrage ranks; some of these women lived only in +the heart of Susan B. Anthony, and now, for the +last time, she was thanking them for what they had +done. Here was one who, at a moment of special +need, had given her small savings; here was another +who had won valuable recruits to the Cause; this +one had written a strong editorial; that one had +made a stirring speech. In these final hours it +seemed that not a single sacrifice or service, however +small, had been forgotten by the dying leader. Last +of all, she spoke to the women who had been on her +board and had stood by her loyally so long--Rachel +Foster Avery, Alice Stone Blackwell, Carrie Chap- +man Catt, Mrs. Upton, Laura Clay, and others. +Then, after lying in silence for a long time with her +cheek on my hand, she murmured: ``They are still +passing before me--face after face, hundreds and +hundreds of them, representing all the efforts of +fifty years. I know how hard they have worked +I know the sacrifices they have made. But it has +all been worth while!'' + +Just before she lapsed into unconsciousness she +seemed restless and anxious to say something, search- +ing my face with her dimming eyes. + +``Do you want me to repeat my promise?'' I +asked, for she had already made me do so several +times. She made a sign of assent, and I gave her +the assurance she desired. As I did so she raised +my hand to her lips and kissed it--her last conscious +action. For more than thirty hours after that I +knelt by her side, but though she clung to my hand +until her own hand grew cold, she did not speak +again. + +She had told me over and over how much our long +friendship and association had meant to her, and the +comfort I had given her. But whatever I may have +been to her, it was as nothing compared with what +she was to me. Kneeling close to her as she passed +away, I knew that I would have given her a dozen +lives had I had them, and endured a thousand times +more hardship than we had borne together, for the +inspiration of her companionship and the joy of her +affection. They were the greatest blessings I have +had in all my life, and I cherish as my dearest treas- +ure the volume of her History of Woman Suffrage +on the fly-leaf of which she had written this in- +scription: + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW: + +This huge volume IV I present to you with the love that +a mother beareth, and I hope you will find in it the facts about +women, for you will find them nowhere else. Your part will +be to see that the four volumes are duly placed in the libraries +of the country, where every student of history may have access +to them. + + With unbounded love and faith, + SUSAN B. ANTHONY. + + +That final line is still my greatest comfort. When +I am misrepresented or misunderstood, when I am +accused of personal ambition or of working for per- +sonal ends, I turn to it and to similar lines penned +by the same hand, and tell myself that I should not +allow anything to interfere with the serenity of my +spirit or to disturb me in my work. At the end of +eighteen years of the most intimate companionship, +the leader of our Cause, the greatest woman I have +ever known, still felt for me ``unbounded love and +faith.'' Having had that, I have had enough. + +For two days after ``Aunt Susan's'' death she lay +in her own home, as if in restful slumber, her face +wearing its most exquisite look of peaceful serenity; +and here her special friends, the poor and the unfor- +tunate of the city, came by hundreds to pay their +last respects. On the third day there was a public +funeral, held in the Congregational church, and, +though a wild blizzard was raging, every one in +Rochester seemed included in the great throng of +mourners who came to her bier in reverence and +left it in tears. The church services were conducted +by the pastor, the Rev. C. C. Albertson, a lifelong +friend of Miss Anthony's, assisted by the Rev. Will- +iam C. Gannett. James G. Potter, the Mayor of +the city, and Dr. Rush Rhees, president of Rochester +University, occupied prominent places among the +distinguished mourners, and Mrs. Jerome Jeffries, +the head of a colored school, spoke in behalf of the +negro race and its recognition of Miss Anthony's +services. College clubs, medical societies, and re- +form groups were represented by delegates sent from +different states, and Miss Anna Gordon had come +on from Illinois to represent the Woman's National +Christian Temperance Union. Mrs. Catt delivered a +eulogy in which she expressed the love and recognition +of the organized suffrage women of the world for Miss +Anthony, as the one to whom they had all looked +as their leader. William Lloyd Garrison spoke of +Miss Anthony's work with his father and other anti- +slavery leaders, and Mrs. Jean Brooks Greenleaf +spoke in behalf of the New York State Suffrage +Association. Then, as ``Aunt Susan'' had requested, +I made the closing address. She had asked me to +do this and to pronounce the benediction, as well as +to say the final words at her grave. + +It was estimated that more than ten thousand +persons were assembled in and around the church, +and after the benediction those who had been pa- +tiently waiting out in the storm were permitted to +pass inside in single file for a last look at their +friend. They found the coffin covered by a large +American flag, on which lay a wreath of laurel and +palms; around it stood a guard of honor composed +of girl students of Rochester University in their +college caps and gowns. All day students had +mounted guard, relieving one another at intervals. +On every side there were flowers and floral emblems +sent by various organizations, and just over ``Aunt +Susan's'' head floated the silk flag given to her by +the women of Colorado. It contained four gold +stars, representing the four enfranchised states, +while the other stars were in silver. On her breast +was pinned the jeweled flag given to her on her +eightieth birthday by the women of Wyoming--the +first place in the world where in the constitution of +the state women were given equal political rights +with men. Here the four stars representing the +enfranchised states were made of diamonds, the +others of silver enamel. Just before the lid was +fastened on the coffin this flag was removed and +handed to Mary Anthony, who presented it to me. +From that day I have worn it on every occasion of +importance to our Cause, and each time a state is +won for woman suffrage I have added a new diamond +star. At the time I write this--in 1914--there are +twelve. + +As the funeral procession went through the streets +of Rochester it was seen that all the city flags were +at half-mast, by order of the City Council. Many +houses were draped in black, and the grief of the +citizens manifested itself on every side. All the way +to Mount Hope Cemetery the snow whirled blind- +ingly around us, while the masses that had fallen +covered the earth as far as we could see a fitting +winding-sheet for the one who had gone. Under the +fir-trees around her open grave I obeyed ``Aunt +Susan's'' wish that I should utter the last words +spoken over her body as she was laid to rest: + +``Dear friend,'' I said, ``thou hast tarried with us +long. Now thou hast gone to thy well-earned rest. +We beseech the Infinite Spirit Who has upheld thee +to make us worthy to follow in thy steps and to +carry on thy work. Hail and farewell.'' + + + +XI + +THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +In my chapters on Miss Anthony I bridged the +twenty years between 1886 and 1906, omitting +many of the stirring suffrage events of that long +period, in my desire to concentrate on those which +most vitally concerned her. I must now retrace my +steps along the widening suffrage stream and de- +scribe, consecutively at least, and as fully as these +incomplete reminiscences will permit, other inci- +dents that occurred on its banks. + +Of these the most important was the union in +1889 of the two great suffrage societies--the Ameri- +can Association, of which Lucy Stone was the presi- +dent, and the National Association, headed by Susan +B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. At a +convention held in Washington these societies were +merged as The National American Woman Suffrage +Association--the name our association still bears-- +and Mrs. Stanton was elected president. She was +then nearly eighty and past active work, but she +made a wonderful presiding officer at our subsequent +meetings, and she was as picturesque as she was +efficient. + +Miss Anthony, who had an immense admiration +for her and a great personal pride in her, always +escorted her to the capital, and, having worked her +utmost to make the meeting a success, invariably +gave Mrs. Stanton credit for all that was accom- +plished. She often said that Mrs. Stanton was the +brains of the new association, while she herself was +merely its hands and feet; but in truth the two +women worked marvelously together, for Mrs. +Stanton was a master of words and could write and +speak to perfection of the things Susan B. Anthony +saw and felt but could not herself express. Usually +Miss Anthony went to Mrs. Stanton's house and +took charge of it while she stimulated the venerable +president to the writing of her annual address. +Then, at the subsequent convention, she would listen +to the report with as much delight and pleasure as +if each word of it had been new to her. Even after +Mrs. Stanton's resignation from the presidency-- +at the end, I think, of three years--and Miss An- +thony's election as her successor, ``Aunt Susan'' still +went to her old friend whenever an important reso- +lution was to be written, and Mrs. Stanton loyally +drafted it for her. + +Mrs. Stanton was the most brilliant conversa- +tionalist I have ever known; and the best talk I +have heard anywhere was that to which I used to +listen in the home of Mrs. Eliza Wright Osborne, +in Auburn, New York, when Mrs. Stanton, Susan +B. Anthony, Emily Howland, Elizabeth Smith +Miller, Ida Husted Harper, Miss Mills, and I were +gathered there for our occasional week-end visits. +Mrs. Osborne inherited her suffrage sympathies, for +she was the daughter of Martha Wright, who, with +Mrs. Stanton and Lucretia Mott, called the first +suffrage convention in Seneca Falls, New York. I +must add in passing that her son, Thomas Mott +Osborne, who is doing such admirable work in +prison reform at Sing Sing, has shown himself worthy +of the gifted and high-minded mother who gave him +to the world. + +Most of the conversation in Mrs. Osborne's home +was contributed by Mrs. Stanton and Miss Anthony, +while the rest of us sat, as it were, at their feet. +Many human and feminine touches brightened the +lofty discussions that were constantly going on, and +the varied characteristics of our leaders cropped up +in amusing fashion. Mrs. Stanton, for example, was +rarely accurate in giving figures or dates, while Miss +Anthony was always very exact in such matters. +She frequently corrected Mrs. Stanton's statements, +and Mrs. Stanton usually took the interruption in +the best possible spirit, promptly admitting that +``Aunt Susan'' knew best. On one occasion I re- +call, however, she held fast to her opinion that she +was right as to the month in which a certain inci- +dent had occurred. + +``No, Susan,'' she insisted, ``you're wrong for +once. I remember perfectly when that happened, +for it was at the time I was beginning to wean +Harriet.'' + +Aunt Susan, though somewhat staggered by the +force of this testimony, still maintained that Mrs. +Stanton must be mistaken, whereupon the latter +repeated, in exasperation, ``I tell you it happened +when I was weaning Harriet.'' And she added, +scornfully, ``What event have you got to reckon +from?'' + +Miss Anthony meekly subsided. + +Mrs. Stanton had wonderful blue eyes, which +held to the end of her life an expression of eternal +youth. During our conventions she usually took +a little nap in the afternoon, and when she awoke +her blue eyes always had an expression of pleased +and innocent surprise, as if she were gazing on +the world for the first time--the round, unwinking, +interested look a baby's eyes have when something +attractive is held up before them. + +Let me give in a paragraph, before I swing off into +the bypaths that always allure me, the consecutive +suffrage events of the past quarter of a century. +Having done this, I can dwell on each as casually +as I choose, for it is possible to describe only a few +incidents here and there; and I shall not be depart- +ing from the story of my life, for my life had become +merged in the suffrage cause. + +Of the preliminary suffrage campaigns in Kansas, +made in company with ``Aunt Susan,'' I have al- +ready written, and it remains only to say that dur- +ing the second Kansas campaign yellow was adopted +as the suffrage color. In 1890, '92, and '93 we again +worked in Kansas and in South Dakota, with such +indefatigable and brilliant speakers as Mrs. Catt +(to whose efforts also were largely due the winning +of Colorado in '93), Mrs. Laura Johns of Kansas, +Mrs. Julia Nelson, Henry B. Blackwell, Dr. Helen +V. Putnam of Dakota, Mrs. Emma Smith DeVoe, +Rev. Olympia Browne of Wisconsin, and Dr. Mary +Seymour Howell of New York. In '94, '95, and '96 +special efforts were devoted to Idaho, Utah, Cali- +fornia, and Washington, and from then on our +campaigns were waged steadily in the Western +states. + +The Colorado victory gave us two full suffrage +states, for in 1869 the Territory of Wyoming had en- +franchised women under very interesting conditions, +not now generally remembered. The achievement +was due to the influence of one woman, Esther +Morris, a pioneer who was as good a neighbor as +she was a suffragist. In those early days, in homes +far from physicians and surgeons, the women cared +for one another in sickness, and Esther Morris, as it +happened, once took full and skilful charge of a +neighbor during the difficult birth of the latter's +child. She had done the same thing for many other +women, but this woman's husband was especially +grateful. He was also a member of the Legislature, +and he told Mrs. Morris that if there was any +measure she wished put through for the women of +the territory he would be glad to introduce it. +She immediately took him at his word by asking +him to introduce a bill enfranchising women, and +he promptly did so. + +The Legislature was Democratic, and it pounced +upon the measure as a huge joke. With the amiable +purpose of embarrassing the Governor of the ter- +ritory, who was a Republican and had been appointed +by the President, the members passed the bill and +put it up to him to veto. To their combined horror +and amazement, the young Governor did nothing +of the kind. He had come, as it happened, from +Salem, Ohio, one of the first towns in the United +States in which a suffrage convention was held. +There, as a boy, he had heard Susan B. Anthony +make a speech, and he had carried into the years +the impression it made upon him. He signed that +bill; and, as the Legislature could not get a two- +thirds vote to kill it, the disgusted members had to +make the best of the matter. The following year +a Democrat introduced a bill to repeal the measure, +but already public sentiment had changed and he +was laughed down. After that no further effort +was ever made to take the ballot away from the +women of Wyoming. + +When the territory applied for statehood, it was +feared that the woman-suffrage clause in the con- +stitution might injure its chance of admission, and +the women sent this telegram to Joseph M. Carey: + +``Drop us if you must. We can trust the men of +Wyoming to enfranchise us after our territory be- +comes a state.'' + +Mr. Carey discussed this telegram with the other +men who were urging upon Congress the admission +of their territory, and the following reply went +back: + +``We may stay out of the Union a hundred years, +but we will come in with our women.'' + +There is great inspiration in those two messages-- +and a great lesson, as well. + +In 1894 we conducted a campaign in New York, +when an effort was made to secure a clause to en- +franchise women in the new state constitution; and +for the first time in the history of the woman-suf- +frage movement many of the influential women in +the state and city of New York took an active part +in the work. Miss Anthony was, as always, our +leader and greatest inspiration. Mrs. John Brooks +Greenleaf was state president, and Miss Mary +Anthony was the most active worker in the Roches- +ter headquarters. Mrs. Lily Devereaux Blake had +charge of the campaign in New York City, and Mrs. +Marianna Chapman looked after the Brooklyn sec- +tion, while a most stimulating sign of the times +was the organization of a committee of New York +women of wealth and social influence, who estab- +lished their headquarters at Sherry's. Among these +were Mrs. Josephine Shaw Lowell, Mrs. Joseph H. +Choate, Dr. Mary Putnam Jacobi, Mrs. J. Warren +Goddard, and Mrs. Robert Abbe. Miss Anthony, +then in her seventy-fifth year, spoke in every county +of the state sixty in all. I spoke in forty, and Mrs. +Catt, as always, made a superb record. Miss Har- +riet May Mills, a graduate of Cornell, and Miss Mary +G. Hay, did admirable organization work in the dif- +ferent counties. Our disappointment over the re- +sult was greatly soothed by the fact that only two +years later both Idaho and Utah swung into line as +full suffrage states, though California, in which we +had labored with equal zeal, waited fifteen years +longer. + +Among these campaigns, and overlapping them, +were our annual conventions--each of which I at- +tended from 1888 on--and the national and inter- +national councils, to a number of which, also, I have +given preliminary mention. When Susan B. An- +thony died in 1906, four American states had granted +suffrage to woman. At the time I write--1914--the +result of the American women's work for suffrage +may be briefly tabulated thus: + +SUFFRAGE STATUS + +FULL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + + Number of +State Year Won Electoral Votes +Wyoming 1869 3 +Colorado 1893 6 +Idaho 1896 4 +Utah 1896 4 +Washington 1910 7 +California 1911 13 +Arizona 1912 3 +Kansas 1912 10 +Oregon 1912 5 +Alaska 1913 -- +Nevada 1914 3 +Montana 1914 4 + + +PRESIDENTIAL AND MUNICIPAL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + Number of +State Year Won Electoral Votes + +Illinois 1913 29 + + +STATES WHERE AMENDMENT HAS PASSED ONE LEGISLATURE AND +MUST PASS ANOTHER + + Number + Goes to of Elec- +State House Senate Voters toral Votes +Iowa 81-26 31-15 1916 13 +Massachusetts 169-39 34-2 1915 18 +New Jersey 49-4 15-3 1915 14 +New York 125-5 40-2 1915 45 +North Dakota 77-29 31-19 1916 5 +Pennsylvania 131-70 26-22 1915 38 + + + +To tabulate the wonderful work done by the +conventions and councils is not possible, but a con- +secutive list of the meetings would run like this: + + +First National Convention, Washington, D.C., 1887. +First International Council of Women, Washington, D.C., 1888. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1889. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1890. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1891. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1892. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1893. +International Council, Chicago, 1893. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1894. +National Suffrage Convention, Atlanta, Ga., 1895. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1896. +National Suffrage Convention, Des Moines, Iowa, 1897. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1898. +National Suffrage Convention, Grand Rapids, Mich., 1899. +International Council, London, England, 1899. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1900. +National Suffrage Convention, Minneapolis, Minn., 1901. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1902. +National Suffrage Convention, New Orleans, La., 1903. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1904. +International Council of Women, Berlin, Germany, 1904. +Formation of Intern'l Suffrage Alliance, Berlin, Germany, 1904. +National Suffrage Convention, Portland, Oregon, 1905. +National Suffrage Convention, Baltimore, Md., 1906. +International Suffrage Alliance, Copenhagen, Denmark, 1906. +National Suffrage Convention, Chicago, III., 1907. +International Suffrage Alliance, Amsterdam, Holland, 1908. +National Suffrage Convention, Buffalo, N. Y., 1908. +New York Headquarters established, 1909. +National Suffrage Convention, Seattle, Wash., 1909. +International Suffrage Alliance, London, England, 1909. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1910. +International Council, Genoa, Italy, 1911. +National Suffrage Convention, Louisville, Ky., 1911. +International Suffrage Alliance, Stockholm, Sweden, 1911. +National Suffrage Convention, Philadelphia, Pa., 1912. +International Council, The Hague, Holland, 1913 +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C.; 1913. +International Suffrage Alliance, Budapest, Hungary, 1913. +National Suffrage Convention, Nashville, Tenn., 1914. +International Council, Rome, Italy, 1914. + + +The winning of the suffrage states, the work in the +states not yet won, the conventions, gatherings, and +international councils in which women of every +nation have come together, have all combined to +make this quarter of a century the most brilliant +period for women in the history of the world. I +have set forth the record baldly and without com- +ment, because the bare facts are far more eloquent +than words. It must not be forgotten, too, that these +great achievements of the progressive women of +to-day have been accomplished against the opposi- +tion of a large number of their own sex--who, while +they are out in the world's arena fighting against +progress for their sisters, still shatter the ear-drum +with their incongruous war-cry, ``Woman's place +is in the home!'' + Of our South Dakota campaign in 1890 there re- +mains only one incident which should have a place +here: We were attending the Republican state +nominating convention at Mitchell--Miss Anthony, +Mrs. Catt, other leaders, and myself--having been +told that it would be at once the largest and the +most interesting gathering ever held in the state +as it proved to be. All the leading politicians of the +state were there, and in the wake of the white men +had come tribes of Indians with their camp outfits, +their wives and their children--the groups forming +a picturesque circle of tents and tepees around the +town. It was a great occasion for them, an Indian +powwow, for by the law all Indians who had lands +in severalty were to be permitted to vote the fol- +lowing year. They were present, therefore, to +study the ways of the white man, and an edifying +exhibition of these was promptly offered them. + +The crowd was so great that it was only through +the courtesy of Major Pickler, a member of Con- +gress and a devoted believer in suffrage, that Miss +Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and the rest of us were able to +secure passes to the convention, and when we +reached the hall we were escorted to the last row of +seats on the crowded platform. As the space be- +tween us and the speakers was filled by rows upon +rows of men, as well as by the band and their in- +struments, we could see very little that took place. +Some of our friends pointed out this condition to the +local committee and asked that we be given seats +on the floor, but received the reply that there was +``absolutely no room on the floor except for dele- +gates and distinguished visitors.'' Our persistent +friends then suggested that at least a front seat +should be given to Miss Anthony, who certainly +came under the head of a ``distinguished visitor''; +but this was not done--probably because a large +number of the best seats were filled by Russian la- +borers wearing badges inscribed ``Against Woman +Suffrage and Susan B. Anthony.'' We remained, +perforce, in our rear seats, finding such interest as +we could in the back view of hundreds of heads. + +Just before the convention was called to order it +was announced that a delegation of influential In- +dians was waiting outside, and a motion to invite +the red men into the hall was made and carried with +great enthusiasm. A committee of leading citizens +was appointed to act as escort, and these gentlemen +filed out, returning a few moments later with a +party of Indian warriors in full war regalia, even +to their gay blankets, their feathered head-dresses, +and their paint. When they appeared the band +struck up a stirring march of welcome, and the en- +tire audience cheered while the Indians, flanked by +the admiring committee, stalked solemnly down the +aisle and were given seats of honor directly in front +of the platform. + +All we could see of them were the brilliant feathers +of their war-bonnets, but we got the full effect of +their reception in the music and the cheers. I dared +not look at Miss Anthony during this remarkable +scene, and she, craning her venerable neck to get a +glimpse of the incident from her obscure corner, +made no comment to me; but I knew what she was +thinking. The following year these Indians would +have votes. Courtesy, therefore, must be shown +them. But the women did not matter, the politi- +cians reasoned, for even if they were enfranchised +they would never support the element represented +at that convention. It was not surprising that, +notwithstanding our hard work, we did not win +the state, though all the conditions had seemed +most favorable; for the state was new, the men +and women were working side by side in the fields, +and there was discontent in the ranks of the political +parties. + +After the election, when we analyzed the vote +county by county, we discovered that in every county +whose residents were principally Americans the +amendment was carried, whereas in all counties +populated largely by foreigners it was lost. In cer- +tain counties--those inhabited by Russian Jews-- +the vote was almost solidly against us, and this not- +withstanding the fact that the wives of these Rus- +sian voters were doing a man's work on their farms +in addition to the usual women's work in their +homes. The fact that our Cause could be defeated +by ignorant laborers newly come to our country was +a humiliating one to accept; and we realized more +forcibly than ever before the difficulty of the task +we had assumed--a task far beyond any ever under- +taken by a body of men in the history of democratic +government throughout the world. We not only +had to bring American men back to a belief in the +fundamental principles of republican government, +but we had also to educate ignorant immigrants, +as well as our own Indians, whose degree of civiliza- +tion was indicated by their war-paint and the +flaunting feathers of their head-dresses. + +The Kansas campaign, which Miss Anthony, Mrs. +Catt, Mrs. Johns, and I conducted in 1894, held a +special interest, due to the Populist movement. +There were so many problems before the people-- +prohibition, free silver, and the Populist propaganda +--that we found ourselves involved in the bitterest +campaign ever fought out in the state. Our desire, +of course, was to get the indorsement of the differ- +ent political parties and religious bodies, We suc- +ceeded in obtaining that of three out of four of the +Methodist Episcopal conferences--the Congrega- +tional, the Epworth League, and the Christian En- +deavor League--as well as that of the State Teachers' +Association, the Woman's Christian Temperance +Union, and various other religious and philanthropic +societies. To obtain the indorsement of the polit- +ical parties was much more difficult, and we were +facing conditions in which partial success was worse +than complete failure. It had long been an un- +written law before it became a written law in our +National Association that we must not take partisan +action or line up with any one political party. It +was highly important, therefore, that either all +parties should support us or that none should. + +The Populist convention was held in Topeka be- +fore either the Democratic or Republican convention, +and after two days of vigorous fighting, led by Mrs. +Anna Diggs and other prominent Populist women, +a suffrage plank was added to the platform. The +Populist party invited me, as a minister, to open +the convention with prayer. This was an innova- +tion, and served as a wedge for the admission of +women representatives of the Suffrage Association +to address the convention. We all did so, Miss +Anthony speaking first, Mrs. Catt second, and I +last; after which, for the first time in history, the +Doxology was sung at a political convention. + +At the Democratic convention we made the same +appeal, and were refused. Instead of indorsing us, +the Democrats put an anti-suffrage plank in their +platform--but this, as the party had little standing +in Kansas, probably did us more good than harm. +Trouble came thick and fast, however, when the +Republicans, the dominant party in the state, held +their convention; and a mighty struggle began over +the admission of a suffrage plank. There was a +Woman's Republican Club in Kansas, which held +its convention in Topeka at the same time the +Republicans were holding theirs. There was also +a Mrs. Judith Ellen Foster, who, by stirring up op- +position in this Republican Club against the in- +sertion of a suffrage plank, caused a serious split in +the convention. Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and I, +of course, urged the Republican women to stand by +their sex, and to give their support to the Republi- +cans only on condition that the latter added suffrage +to their platform. At no time, and in no field of +work, have I ever seen a more bitter conflict in prog- +ress than that which raged for two days during this +Republican women's convention. Liquor-dealers, +joint-keepers, ``boot-leggers,'' and all the lawless +element of Kansas swung into line at a special con- +vention held under the auspices of the Liquor +League of Kansas City, and cast their united weight +against suffrage by threatening to deny their votes +to any candidate or political party favoring our +Cause. The Republican women's convention finally +adjourned with nothing accomplished except the +passing of a resolution mildly requesting the Re- +publican party to indorse woman suffrage. The +result was, of course, that it was not indorsed by +the Republican convention, and that it was defeated +at the following election. + +It was at the time of these campaigns that I was +elected Vice-President of the National Association +and Lecturer at Large, and the latter office brought +in its train a glittering variety of experiences. On +one occasion an episode occurred which ``Aunt +Susan'' never afterward wearied of describing. +There was a wreck somewhere on the road on which +I was to travel to meet a lecture engagement, and +the trains going my way were not running. Look- +ing up the track, however, I saw a train coming +from the opposite direction. I at once grasped my +hand-luggage and started for it. + +``Wait! Wait!'' cried Miss Anthony. ``That +train's going the wrong way!'' + +``At least it's going SOMEWHERE!'' I replied, tersely, +as the train stopped, and I climbed the steps. + +Looking back when the train had started again, +I saw ``Aunt Susan'' standing in the same spot on +the platform and staring after it with incredulous +eyes; but I was right, for I discovered that by going +up into another state I could get a train which +would take me to my destination in time for the +lecture that night. It was a fine illustration of my +pet theory that if one intends to get somewhere it +is better to start, even in the wrong direction, than +to stand still. + +Again and again in our work we had occasion to +marvel over men's lack of understanding of the +views of women, even of those nearest and dearest to +them; and we had an especially striking illustra- +tion of this at one of our hearings in Washington. +A certain distinguished gentleman (we will call him +Mr. H----) was chairman of the Judiciary, and after +we had said what we wished to say, he remarked: + +``Your arguments are logical. Your cause is just. +The trouble is that women don't want suffrage. +My wife doesn't want it. I don't know a single +woman who does want it.'' + +As it happened for this unfortunate gentleman, +his wife was present at the hearing and sitting beside +Miss Anthony. She listened to his words with sur- +prise, and then whispered to ``Aunt Susan'': + +``How CAN he say that? _I_ want suffrage, and I've +told him so a hundred times in the last twenty +years.'' + +``Tell him again NOW,'' urged Miss Anthony. +``Here's your chance to impress it on his memory.'' + +``Here!'' gasped the wife. ``Oh, I wouldn't +dare.'' + +``Then may I tell him?'' + +``Why--yes! He can think what he pleases, but +he has no right to publicly misrepresent me.'' + +The assent, hesitatingly begun, finished on a sud- +den note of firmness. Miss Anthony stood up. + +``It may interest Mr. H----,'' she said, ``to know +that his wife DOES wish to vote, and that for twenty +years she has wished to vote, and has often told him +so, though he has evidently forgotten it. She is +here beside me, and has just made this explana- +tion.'' + +Mr. H---- stammered and hesitated, and finally +decided to laugh. But there was no mirth in the +sound he made, and I am afraid his wife had a bad +quarter of an hour when they met a little later in +the privacy of their home. + +Among other duties that fell to my lot at this +period were numerous suffrage debates with promi- +nent opponents of the Cause. I have already re- +ferred to the debate in Kansas with Senator Ingalls. +Equaling this in importance was a bout with Dr. +Buckley, the distinguished Methodist debater, which +had been arranged for us at Chautauqua by Bishop +Vincent of the Methodist Church. The bishop was +not a believer in suffrage, nor was he one of my +admirers. I had once aroused his ire by replying +to a sermon he had delivered on ``God's Women,'' +and by proving, to my own satisfaction at least, +that the women he thought were God's women had +done very little, whereas the work of the world had +been done by those he believed were not ``God's +Women.'' There was considerable interest, there- +fore, in the Buckley-Shaw debate he had arranged; +we all knew he expected Dr. Buckley to wipe out +that old score, and I was determined to make it as +difficult as possible for the distinguished gentleman +to do so. We held the debate on two succeeding +days, I speaking one afternoon and Dr. Buckley +replying the following day. On the evening before +I spoke, however, Dr. Buckley made an indiscreet +remark, which, blown about Chautauqua on the +light breeze of gossip, was generally regarded as both +unchivalrous and unfair. + +As the hall in which we were to speak was enor- +mous, he declared that one of two things would cer- +tainly happen. Either I would scream in order to +be heard by my great audience, or I would be un- +able to make myself heard at all. If I screamed it +would be a powerful argument against women as +public speakers; if I could not be heard, it would be +an even better argument. In either case, he sum- +med up, I was doomed to failure. Following out +this theory, he posted men in the extreme rear of +the great hall on the day of my lecture, to report to +him whether my words reached them, while he him- +self graciously occupied a front seat. Bishop Vin- +cent's antagonistic feeling was so strong, however, +that though, as the presiding officer of the occasion, +he introduced me to the audience, he did not wait +to hear my speech, but immediately left the hall-- +and this little slight added to the public's interest +in the debate. It was felt that the two gentlemen +were not quite ``playing fair,'' and the champions +of the Cause were especially enthusiastic in their +efforts to make up for these failures in courtesy. +My friends turned out in force to hear the lecture, +and on the breast of every one of them flamed the +yellow bow that stood for suffrage, giving to the +vast hall something of the effect of a field of yellow +tulips in full bloom. + +When Dr. Buckley rose to reply the next day +these friends were again awaiting him with an equal- +ly jocund display of the suffrage color, and this did +not add to his serenity. During his remarks he +made the serious mistake of losing his temper; and, +unfortunately for him, he directed his wrath toward +a very old man who had thoughtlessly applauded by +pounding on the floor with his cane when Dr. +Buckley quoted a point I had made. The doctor +leaned forward and shook his fist at him. + +``Think she's right, do you?'' he asked. + +``Yes,'' admitted the venerable citizen, briskly, +though a little startled by the manner of the ques- +tion. + +``Old man,'' shouted Dr. Buckley, ``I'll make you +take that back if you've got a grain of sense in your +head!'' + +The insult cost him his audience. When he +realized this he lost all his self-possession, and, as +the Buffalo Courier put it the next day, ``went up +and down the platform raving like a Billingsgate +fishwife.'' He lost the debate, and the supply of +yellow ribbon left in the surrounding counties was +purchased that night to be used in the suffrage +celebration that followed. My friends still refer to +the occasion as ``the day we wiped up the earth +with Dr. Buckley''; but I do not deserve the im- +plied tribute, for Dr. Buckley would have lost his +case without a word from me. What really gave +me some satisfaction, however, was the respective +degree of freshness with which he and I emerged +from our combat. After my speech Miss Anthony +and I were given a reception, and stood for hours +shaking hands with hundreds of men and women. +Later in the evening we had a dinner and another +reception, which, lasting, as they did, until midnight, +kept us from our repose. Dr. Buckley, poor gentle- +man, had to be taken to his hotel immediately after +his speech, given a hot bath, rubbed down, and put +tenderly to bed; and not even the sympathetic +heart of Susan B. Anthony yearned over him when +she heard of his exhaustion. + +It was also at Chautauqua, by the way, though a +number of years earlier, that I had my much mis- +quoted encounter with the minister who deplored +the fashion I followed in those days of wearing my +hair short. This young man, who was rather a +pompous person, saw fit to take me to task at a +table where a number of us were dining together. + +``Miss Shaw,'' he said, abruptly, ``I have been +asked very often why you wear your hair short, +and I have not been able to explain. Of course''-- +this kindly--'' I know there is some good reason. I +ventured to advance the theory that you have been +ill and that your hair has fallen out. Is that it?'' + +``No,'' I told him. ``There is a reason, as you +suggest. But it is not that one.'' + +``Then why--'' he insisted. + +``I am rather sensitive about it,'' I explained. +``I don't know that I care to discuss the subject.'' + +The young minister looked pained. ``But among +friends--'' he protested. + +``True,'' I conceded. ``Well, then, among friends, +I will admit frankly that it is a birthmark. I was +born with short hair.'' + +That was the last time my short hair was criticized +in my presence, but the young minister was right +in his disapproval and I was wrong, as I subsequently +realized. A few years later I let my hair grow long, +for I had learned that no woman in public life can +afford to make herself conspicuous by any eccen- +tricity of dress or appearance. If she does so she +suffers for it herself, which may not disturb her, and +to a greater or less degree she injures the cause she +represents, which should disturb her very much. + + + +XII + +BUILDING A HOME + +It is not generally known that the meeting of +the International Council of Women held in +Chicago during the World's Fair was suggested by +Miss Anthony, as was also the appointment of the +Exposition's ``Board of Lady Managers.'' ``Aunt +Susan'' kept her name in the background, that she +might not array against these projects the opposi- +tion of those prejudiced against woman suffrage. +We both spoke at the meetings, however, as I have +already explained, and one of our most chastening +experiences occurred on ``Actress Night.'' There +was a great demand for tickets for this occasion, as +every one seemed anxious to know what kind of +speeches our leading women of the stage would make; +and the programme offered such magic names as +Helena Modjeska, Julia Marlowe, Georgia Cayvan, +Clara Morris, and others of equal appeal. The hall +was soon filled, and to keep out the increasing throng +the doors were locked and the waiting crowd was +directed to a second hall for an overflow meeting. + +As it happened, Miss Anthony and I were among +the earliest arrivals at the main hall. It was the +first evening we had been free to do exactly as we +pleased, and we were both in high spirits, looking +forward to the speeches, congratulating each other +on the good seats we had been given on the plat- +form, and rallying the speakers on their stage fright; +for, much to our amusement, we had found them all +in mortal terror of their audience. Georgia Cayvan, +for example, was so nervous that she had to be +strengthened with hot milk before she could speak, +and Julia Marlowe admitted freely that her knees +were giving way beneath her. They really had +something of an ordeal before them, for it was de- +cided that each actress must speak twice going +immediately from the hall to the overflow meeting +and repeating there the speech she had just made. +But in the mean time some one had to hold the im- +patient audience in the second hall, and as it was a +duty every one else promptly repudiated, a row of +suddenly imploring faces turned toward Miss An- +thony and me. I admit that we responded to the +appeal with great reluctance. We were SO com- +fortable where we were--and we were also deeply +interested in the first intimate glimpse we were +having of these stars in the dramatic sky. We saw +our duty, however, and with deep sighs we rose and +departed for the second hall, where a glance at the +waiting throng did not add to our pleasure in the +prospect before us. + +When I walked upon the stage I found myself +facing an actually hostile audience. They had come +to look at and listen to the actresses who had been +promised them, and they thought they were being +deprived of that privilege by an interloper. Never +before had I gazed out on a mass of such unresponsive +faces or looked into so many angry eyes. They +were exchanging views on their wrongs, and the gen- +eral buzz of conversation continued when I appeared. +For some moments I stood looking at them, my +hands behind my back. If I had tried to speak they +would undoubtedly have gone on talking; my si- +lence attracted their attention and they began to +wonder what I intended to do. When they had +stopped whispering and moving about, I spoke +to them with the frankness of an overburdened +heart. + +``I think,'' I said, slowly and distinctly, ``that you +are the most disagreeable audience I ever faced in +my life.'' + +They gasped and stared, almost open-mouthed in +their surprise. + +``Never,'' I went on, ``have I seen a gathering of +people turn such ugly looks upon a speaker who has +sacrificed her own enjoyment to come and talk to +them. Do you think I want to talk to you?'' I de- +manded, warming to my subject. ``I certainly do +not. Neither does Miss Anthony want to talk to +you, and the lady who spoke to you a few moments +ago, and whom you treated so rudely, did not wish +to be here. We would all much prefer to be in the +other hall, listening to the speakers from our com- +fortable seats on the stage. To entertain you we +gave up our places and came here simply because +the committee begged us to do so. I have only one +thing more to say. If you care to listen to me +courteously I am willing to waste time on you; but +don't imagine that I will stand here and wait while +you criticize the management.'' + +By this time I felt as if I had a child across my +knee to whom I was administering maternal chastise- +ment, and the uneasiness of my audience underlined +the impression. They listened rather sulkily at first; +then a few of the best-natured among them laughed, +and the laugh grew and developed into applause. +The experience had done them good, and they were +a chastened band when Clara Morris appeared, and +I gladly yielded the floor to her. + +All the actresses who spoke that night delivered +admirable addresses, but no one equaled Madame +Modjeska, who delivered exquisitely a speech writ- +ten, not by herself, but by a friend and country- +woman, on the condition of Polish women under +the regime of Russia. We were all charmed as we +listened, but none of us dreamed what that address +would mean to Modjeska. It resulted in her banish- +ment from Poland, her native land, which she was +never again permitted to enter. But though she +paid so heavy a price for the revelation, I do not +think she ever really regretted having given to +America the facts in that speech. + +During this same period I embarked upon a high +adventure. I had always longed for a home, and +my heart had always been loyal to Cape Cod. Now +I decided to have a home at Wianno, across the Cape +from my old parish at East Dennis. Deep-seated +as my home-making aspiration had been, it was +realized largely as the result of chance. A special +hobby of mine has always been auction sales. I +dearly love to drop into auction-rooms while sales +are in progress, and bid up to the danger-point, +taking care to stop just in time to let some one else +get the offered article. But of course I sometimes +failed to stop at the psychological moment, and the +result was a sudden realization that, in the course +of the years, I had accumulated an extraordinary +number of articles for which I had no shelter and +no possible use. + +The crown jewel of the collection was a bedroom +set I had picked up in Philadelphia. Usually, +cautious friends accompanied me on my auction- +room expeditions and restrained my ardor; but this +time I got away alone and found myself bidding +at the sale of a solid bog-wood bedroom set which +had been exhibited as a show-piece at the World's +Fair, and was now, in the words of the auctioneer, +``going for a song.'' I sang the song. I offered +twenty dollars, thirty dollars, forty dollars, and +other excited voices drowned mine with higher bids. +It was very thrilling. I offered fifty dollars, and +there was a horrible silence, broken at last by the +auctioneer's final, ``Going, going, GONE!'' I was mis- +tress of the bog-wood bedroom set--a set wholly +out of harmony with everything else I possessed, +and so huge and massive that two men were re- +quired to lift the head-board alone. Like many of +the previous treasures I had acquired, this was a +white elephant; but, unlike some of them, it was +worth more than I had paid for it. I was offered +sixty dollars for one piece alone, but I coldly refused +to sell it, though the tribute to my judgment warmed +my heart. I had not the faintest idea what to do +with the set, however, and at last I confided my +dilemma to my friend, Mrs. Ellen Dietrick, who +sagely advised me to build a house for it. The idea +intrigued me. The bog-wood furniture needed a +home, and so did I. + +The result of our talk was that Mrs. Dietrick +promised to select a lot for me at Wianno, where she +herself lived, and even promised to supervise the +building of my cottage, and to attend to all the other +details connected with it. Thus put, the temptation +was irresistible. Besides Mrs. Dietrick, many other +delightful friends lived at Wianno--the Garrisons, +the Chases of Rhode Island, the Wymans, the Wel- +lingtons--a most charming community. I gave Mrs. +Dietrick full authority to use her judgment in every +detail connected with the undertaking, and the +cottage was built. Having put her hand to this +plow of friendship, Mrs. Dietrick did the work with +characteristic thoroughness. I did not even visit +Wianno to look at my land. She selected it, bought +it, engaged a woman architect--Lois Howe of +Boston--and followed the latter's work from be- +ginning to end. The only stipulation I made was +that the cottage must be far up on the beach, out of +sight of everybody--really in the woods; and this +was easily met, for along that coast the trees came +almost to the water's edge. + +The cottage was a great success, and for many +years I spent my vacations there, filling the place with +young people. From the time of my sister Mary's +death I had had the general oversight of her two +daughters, Lola and Grace, as well as of Nicolas +and Eleanor, the two motherless daughters of my +brother John. They were all with me every sum- +mer in the new home, together with Lucy Anthony, +her sister and brother, Mrs. Rachel Foster Avery, +and other friends. We had special fishing costumes +made, and wore them much of the time. My nieces +wore knickerbockers, and I found vast content- +ment in short, heavy skirts over bloomers. We +lived out of doors, boating, fishing, and clamming +all day long, and, as in my early pioneer days in +Michigan, my part of the work was in the open. I +chopped all the wood, kept the fires going, and +looked after the grounds. + +Rumors of our care-free and unconventional life +began to circulate, and presently our Eden was in- +vaded by the only serpent I have ever found in the +newspaper world--a girl reporter from Boston. She +telegraphed that she was coming to see us; and +though, when she came, we had been warned of her +propensities and received her in conventional attire, +formally entertaining her with tea on the veranda, +she went away and gave free play to a hectic fancy. +She wrote a sensational full-page article for a Sun- +day newspaper, illustrated with pictures showing us +all in knickerbockers. In this striking work of art +I carried a fish net and pole and wore a handkerchief +tied over my head. The article, which was headed +THE ADAMLESS EDEN, was almost libelous, and I +admit that for a long time it dimmed our enjoy- +ment of our beloved retreat. Then, gradually, my +old friends died, Mrs. Dietrick among the first; +others moved away; and the character of the entire +region changed. It became fashionable, privacy +was no longer to be found there, and we ceased to +visit it. For five years I have not even seen the +cottage. + +In 1908 I built the house I now occupy (in Moylan, +Pennsylvania), which is the realization of a desire +I have always had--to build on a tract which had a +stream, a grove of trees, great boulders and rocks, +and a hill site for the house with a broad outlook, +and a railroad station conveniently near. The +friend who finally found the place for me had begun +his quest with the pessimistic remark that I would +better wait for it until I got to Paradise; but two +years later he telegraphed me that he had discovered +it on this planet, and he was right. I have only +eight acres of land, but no one could ask a more ideal +site for a cottage; and on the place is my beloved +forest, including a grove of three hundred firs. +From every country I have visited I have brought +back a tiny tree for this little forest, and now it +is as full of memories as of beauty. + +To the surprise of my neighbors, I built my house +with its back toward the public road, facing the +valley and the stream. ``But you will never see +anybody go by,'' they protested. I answered that +the one person in the house who was necessarily in- +terested in passers-by was my maid, and she could see +them perfectly from the kitchen, which faced the +road. I enjoy my views from the broad veranda +that overlooks the valley, the stream, and the +country for miles around. + +Every suffragist I have ever met has been a +lover of home; and only the conviction that she is +fighting for her home, her children, for other women, +or for all of these, has sustained her in her public +work. Looking back on many campaign experi- +ences, I am forced to admit that it is not always the +privations we endure which make us think most +tenderly of home. Often we are more overcome +by the attentions of well-meaning friends. As an +example of this I recall an incident of one Oregon +campaign. I was to speak in a small city in the +southern part of the state, and on reaching the +station, hot, tired, and covered with the grime +of a midsummer journey, I found awaiting me a +delegation of citizens, a brass-band, and a white +carriage drawn by a pair of beautiful white horses. +In this carriage, and devotedly escorted by the citi- +zens and the band, the latter playing its hardest, I +was driven to the City Hall and there met by the +mayor, who delivered an address, after which I was +crowned with a laurel wreath. Subsequently, with +this wreath still resting upon my perspiring brow, I +was again driven through the streets of the city; +and if ever a woman felt that her place was in the +home and longed to be in her place, I felt it that day. + +An almost equally trying occasion had San Fran- +cisco for its setting. The city had arranged a Fourth +of July celebration, at which Miss Anthony and I +were to speak. Here we rode in a carriage deco- +rated with flowers--yellow roses--while just in front +of us was the mayor in a carriage gorgeously fes- +tooned with purple blossoms. Behind us, for more +than a mile, stretched a procession of uniformed +policemen, soldiers, and citizens, while the sidewalks +were lined with men and women whose enthusiastic +greetings came to Miss Anthony from every side. +She was enchanted over the whole experience, for +to her it meant, as always, not a personal tribute, +but a triumph of the Cause. But I sat by her side +acutely miserable; for across my shoulders and +breast had been draped a huge sash with the word +``Orator'' emblazoned on it, and this was further +embellished by a striking rosette with streamers +which hung nearly to the bottom of my gown. It +is almost unnecessary to add that this remarkable +decoration was furnished by a committee of men, and +was also worn by all the men speakers of the day. +Possibly I was overheated by the sash, or by the +emotions the sash aroused in me, for I was stricken +with pneumonia the following day and experienced +my first serious illness, from which, however, I soon +recovered. + +On our way to California in 1895 Miss Anthony +and I spent a day at Cheyenne, Wyoming, as the +guests of Senator and Mrs. Carey, who gave a dinner +for us. At the table I asked Senator Carey what he +considered the best result of the enfranchisement of +Wyoming women, and even after the lapse of twenty +years I am able to give his reply almost word for +word, for it impressed me deeply at the time and I +have since quoted it again and again. + +``There have been many good results,'' he said, +``but the one I consider above all the others is the +great change for the better in the character of our +candidates for office. Consider this for a moment: +Since our women have voted there has never been +an embezzlement of public funds, or a scandalous +misuse of public funds, or a disgraceful condition of +graft. I attribute the better character of our public +officials almost entirely to the votes of the women.'' + +``Those are inspiring facts,'' I conceded, ``but +let us be just. There are three men in Wyoming +to every woman, and no candidate for office could +be elected unless the men voted for him, too. Why, +then, don't they deserve as much credit for his +election as the women?'' + +``Because,'' explained Senator Carey, promptly, +``women are politically an uncertain factor. We +can go among men and learn beforehand how they +are going to vote, but we can't do that with women; +they keep us guessing. In the old days, when we +went into the caucus we knew what resolutions put +into our platforms would win the votes of the ranch- +men, what would win the miners, what would win +the men of different nationalities; but we did not +know how to win the votes of the women until we +began to nominate our candidates. Then we im- +mediately discovered that if the Democrats nomi- +nated a man of immoral character for office, the +women voted for his Republican opponent, and we +learned our first big lesson--that whatever a candi- +date's other qualifications for office may be, he must +first of all have a clean record. In the old days, +when we nominated a candidate we asked, `Can he +hold the saloon vote?' Now we ask, `Can he hold +the women's vote?' Instead of bidding down to +the saloon, we bid up to the home.'' + +Following the dinner there was a large public +meeting, at which Miss Anthony and I were to speak. +Mrs. Jenkins, who was president of the Suffrage +Association of the state, presided and introduced us +to the assemblage. Then she added: ``I have intro- +duced you ladies to your audience. Now I would +like to introduce your audience to you.'' She be- +gan with the two Senators and the member of Con- +gress, then introduced the Governor, the Lieutenant- +Governor, the state Superintendent of Education, +and numerous city and state officials. As she went +on Miss Anthony grew more and more excited, and +when the introductions were over, she said: ``This is +the first time I have ever seen an audience assembled +for woman suffrage made up of the public officials +of a state. No one can ever persuade me now that +men respect women without political power as much +as they respect women who have it; for certainly +in no other state in the Union would it be possible +to gather so many public officials under one roof to +listen to the addresses of women.'' + +The following spring we again went West, with +Mrs. Catt, Lucy Anthony, Miss Hay and Miss +Sweet, her secretary, to carry on the Pacific coast +campaign of '96, arranged by Mrs. Cooper and her +daughter Harriet, of Oakland--both women of re- +markable executive ability. Headquarters were se- +cured in San Francisco, and Miss Hay was put in +charge, associated with a large group of California +women. It was the second time in the history of +campaigns--the first being in New York--that all +the money to carry on the work was raised by the +people of the state. + +The last days of the campaign were extremely +interesting, and one of their important events was +that the Hon. Thomas Reed, then Speaker of the +House of Representatives, for the first time came +out publicly for suffrage. Mr. Reed had often ex- +pressed himself privately as in favor of the Cause-- +but he had never made a public statement for us. +At Oakland, one day, the indefatigable and irresisti- +ble ``Aunt Susan'' caught him off his guard by per- +suading his daughter, Kitty Reed, who was his idol, +to ask him to say just one word in favor of our +amendment. When he arose we did not know +whether he had promised what she asked, and as +his speech progressed our hearts sank lower and +lower, for all he said was remote from our Cause. +But he ended with these words: + +``There is an amendment of the constitution +pending, granting suffrage to women. The women +of California ought to have suffrage. The men of +California ought to give it to them--and the next +speaker, Dr. Shaw, will tell you why.'' + +The word was spoken. And though it was not a +very strong word, it came from a strong man, and +therefore helped us. + +Election day, as usual, brought its surprises and +revelations. Mrs. Cooper asked her Chinese cook +how the Chinese were voting--i. e., the native-born +Chinamen who were entitled to vote--and he re- +plied, blithely, ``All Chinamen vote for Billy McKee +and `NO' to women!'' It is an interesting fact that +every Chinese vote was cast against us. + +All day we went from one to another of the polling- +places, and I shall always remember the picture of +Miss Anthony and the wife of Senator Sargent wan- +dering around the polls arm in arm at eleven o'clock +at night, their tired faces taking on lines of deeper +depression with every minute; for the count was +against us. However, we made a fairly good show- +ing. When the final counts came in we found that +we had won the state from the north down to Oak- +land, and from the south up to San Francisco; but +there was not a sufficient majority to overcome the +adverse votes of San Francisco and Oakland. With +more than 230,000 votes cast, we were defeated by +only 10,000 majority. In San Francisco the saloon +element and the most aristocratic section of the +city made an equal showing against us, while the +section occupied by the middle working-class was +largely in favor of our amendment. I dwell es- +pecially on this campaign, partly because such splen- +did work was done by the women of California, and +also because, during the same election, Utah and +Idaho granted full suffrage to women. This gave +us four suffrage states--Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, +and Idaho--and we prepared for future struggles +with very hopeful hearts. + +It was during this California campaign, by the +way, that I unwittingly caused much embarrass- +ment to a worthy young man. At a mass-meeting +held in San Francisco, Rabbi Vorsanger, who was not +in favor of suffrage for women, advanced the heart- +ening theory that in a thousand years more they +might possibly be ready for it. After a thousand +years of education for women, of physically de- +veloped women, of uncorseted women, he said, we +might have the ideal woman, and could then begin +to talk about freedom for her. + +When the rabbi sat down there was a shout from +the audience for me to answer him, but all I said +was that the ideal woman would be rather lonely, as +it would certainly take another thousand years to +develop an ideal man capable of being a mate for +her. On the following night Prof. Howard Griggs, +of Stanford University, made a speech on the modern +woman--a speech so admirably thought out and +delivered that we were all delighted with it. When +he had finished the audience again called on me, and +I rose and proceeded to make what my friends frank- +ly called ``the worst break'' of my experience. +Rabbi Vorsanger's ideal woman was still in my +mind, and I had been rather hard on the men in +my reply to the rabbi the night before; so now I +hastened to give this clever young man his full due. +I said that though the rabbi thought it would take +a thousand years to make an ideal woman, I believed +that, after all, it might not take as long to make the +ideal man. We had something very near it in a +speaker who could reveal such ability, such chivalry, +and such breadth of view as Professor Griggs had +just shown that he possessed. + +That night I slept the sleep of the just and the +well-meaning, and it was fortunate I did, for the +morning newspapers had a surprise for me that +called for steady nerves and a sense of humor. Across +the front page of every one of them ran startling +head-lines to this effect: +DR. SHAW HAS FOUND HER IDEAL MAN +The Prospects Are That She Will +Remain in California + + +Professor Griggs was young enough to be my son, +and he was already married and the father of two +beautiful children; but these facts were not per- +mitted to interfere with the free play of fancy in +journalistic minds. For a week the newspapers +were filled with all sorts of articles, caricatures, and +editorials on my ideal man, which caused me much +annoyance and some amusement, while they plunged +Professor Griggs into an abysmal gloom. In the +end, however, the experience proved an excellent +one for him, for the publicity attending his speech +made him decide to take up lecturing as a profession, +which he eventually did with great success. But +neither of us has yet heard the last of the Ideal Man +episode. Only a few years ago, on his return to +California after a long absence, one of the leading +Sunday newspapers of the state heralded Professor +Griggs's arrival by publishing a full-page article +bearing his photograph and mine and this flam- +boyant heading: + +SHE MADE HIM +And Dr. Shaw's Ideal Man Became the +Idol of American Women and +Earns $30,000 a Year + + +We had other unusual experiences in California, +and the display of affluence on every side was not +the least impressive of them. In one town, after +a heavy rain, I remember seeing a number of little +boys scraping the dirt from the gutters, washing it, +and finding tiny nuggets of gold. We learned that +these boys sometimes made two or three dollars a +day in this way, and that the streets of the town-- +I think it was Marysville--contained so much gold +that a syndicate offered to level the whole town and +repave the streets in return for the right to wash out +the gold. This sounds like the kind of thing Ameri- +cans tell to trustful visitors from foreign lands, but +it is quite true. +Nuggets, indeed, were so numerous that at one +of our meetings, when we were taking up a collec- +tion, I cheerfully suggested that our audience drop +a few into the box, as we had not had a nugget since +we reached the state. There were no nuggets in the +subsequent collection, but there was a note which +read: ``If Dr. Shaw will accept a gold nugget, I will +see that she does not leave town without one.'' I +read this aloud, and added, ``I have never refused +a gold nugget in my life.'' + +The following day brought me a pin made of a +very beautiful gold nugget, and a few days later +another Californian produced a cluster of smaller +nuggets which he had washed out of a panful of +earth and insisted on my accepting half of them. I +was not accustomed to this sort of generosity, but +it was characteristic of the spirit of the state. No- +where else, during our campaign experiences, were +we so royally treated in every way. As a single +example among many, I may mention that Mrs. +Leland Stanford once happened to be on a train +with us and to meet Miss Anthony. As a result of +this chance encounter she gave our whole party +passes on all the lines of the Southern Pacific Rail- +road, for use during the entire campaign. Similar +generosity was shown us on every side, and the ques- +tion of finance did not burden us from the beginning +to the end of the California work. + +In our Utah and Idaho campaigns we had also our +full share of new experiences, and of these perhaps +the most memorable to me was the sermon I preached +in the Mormon Tabernacle at Salt Lake City. +Before I left New York the Mormon women had sent +me the invitation to preach this sermon, and when I +reached Salt Lake City and the so-called ``Gentile'' +women heard of the plan, they at once invited me +to preach to the ``Gentiles'' on the evening of the +same Sunday, in the Salt Lake City Opera House. + +On the morning of the sermon I approached the +Mormon Tabernacle with much more trepidation +than I usually experienced before entering a pulpit. +I was not sure what particular kind of trouble I +would get into, but I had an abysmal suspicion +that trouble of some sort lay in wait for me, and I +shivered in the anticipation of it. Fortunately, my +anxiety was not long drawn out. I arrived only a few +moments before the hour fixed for the sermon, and +found the congregation already assembled and the +Tabernacle filled with the beautiful music of the great +organ. On the platform, to which I was escorted +by several leading dignitaries of the church, was the +characteristic Mormon arrangement of seats. The +first row was occupied by the deacons, and in the +center of these was the pulpit from which the deacons +preach. Above these seats was a second row, oc- +cupied by ordained elders, and there they too had +their own pulpit. The third row was occupied by, +the bishops and the highest dignitaries of the church, +with the pulpit from which the bishops preach; and +behind them all, an effective human frieze, was the +really wonderful Mormon choir. + +As I am an ordained elder in my church, I oc- +cupied the pulpit in the middle row of seats, with the +deacons below me and the bishops just behind. +Scattered among the congregation were hundreds of +``Gentiles'' ready to leap mentally upon any con- +cession I might make to the Mormon faith; while +the Mormons were equally on the alert for any +implied criticism of them and their church. The +problem of preaching a sermon which should offer +some appeal to both classes, without offending either, +was a perplexing one, and I solved it to the best of +my ability by delivering a sermon I had once given +in my own church to my own people. When I had +finished I was wholly uncertain of its effect, but at +the end of the services one of the bishops leaned +toward me from his place in the rear, and, to my +mingled horror and amusement, offered me this +tribute, ``That is one of the best Mormon sermons +ever preached in this Tabernacle.'' + +I thanked him, but inwardly I was aghast. What +had I said to give him such an impression? I racked +my brain, but could recall nothing that justified it. +I passed the day in a state of nervous apprehension, +fully expecting some frank criticism from the ``Gen- +tiles'' on the score of having delivered a Mormon +sermon to ingratiate myself into the favor of the +Mormons and secure their votes for the constitu- +tional amendment. But nothing of the kind was +said. That evening, after the sermon to the ``Gen- +tiles,'' a reception was given to our party, and I +drew my first deep breath when the wife of a well- +known clergyman came to me and introduced her- +self in these words: + +``My husband could not come here to-night, but +he heard your sermon this morning. He asked me +to tell you how glad he was that under such unusual +conditions you held so firmly to the teachings of +Christ.'' + +The next day I was still more reassured. A re- +ception was given us at the home of one of Brigham +Young's daughters, and the receiving-line was +graced by the presiding elder of the Methodist +Episcopal Church. He was a bluff and jovial gen- +tleman, and when he took my hand he said, warmly, +``Well, Sister Shaw, you certainly gave our Mormon +friends the biggest dose of Methodism yesterday +that they ever got in their lives.'' + +After this experience I reminded myself again +that what Frances Willard so frequently said is true; +All truth is our truth when it has reached our hearts; +we merely rechristen it according to our individual +creeds. + +During the visit I had an interesting conversation +with a number of the younger Mormon women. I +was to leave the city on a midnight train, and about +twenty of them, including four daughters of Brig- +ham Young, came to my hotel to remain with me +until it was time to go to the station. They filled +the room, sitting around in school-girl fashion on the +floor and even on the bed. It was an unusual op- +portunity to learn some things I wished to know, and +I could not resist it. + +``There are some questions I would like to ask +you,'' I began, ``and one or two of them may seem +impertinent. But they won't be asked in that +spirit--and please don't answer any that embarrass +you.'' + +They exchanged glances, and then told me to +ask as many questions as I wished. + +``First of all,'' I said, ``I would like to know the +real attitude toward polygamy of the present gen- +eration of Mormon women. Do you all believe +in it?'' + +They assured me that they did. + +``How many of you,'' I then asked, ``are polyga- +mous wives?'' + +There was not one in the group. +``But,'' I insisted, ``if you really believe in polyg- +amy, why is it that some of your husbands have +not taken more than one wife?'' + +There was a moment of silence, while each woman +looked around as if waiting for another to answer. +At last one of them said, slowly: + +``In my case, I alone was to blame. For years I +could not force myself to consent to my husband's +taking another wife, though I tried hard. By the +time I had overcome my objection the law was +passed prohibiting polygamy.'' + +A second member of the group hastened to tell +her story. She had had a similar spiritual struggle, +and just as she reached the point where she was +willing to have her husband take another wife, he +died. And now the room was filled with eager +voices. Four or five women were telling at once +that they, too, had been reluctant in the beginning, +and that when they had reached the point of consent +this, that, or another cause had kept the husbands +from marrying again. They were all so passion- +ately in earnest that they stared at me in puzzled +wonder when I broke into the sudden laughter I +could not restrain. + +``What fortunate women you all were!'' I ex- +claimed, teasingly. ``Not one of you arrived at the +point of consenting to the presence of a second wife +in your home until it was impossible for your hus- +band to take her.'' + +They flushed a little at that, and then laughed +with me; but they did not defend themselves against +the tacit charge, and I turned the conversation into +less personal channels. I learned that many of the +Mormon young men were marrying girls outside of +the Church, and that two sons of a leading Mormon +elder had married and were living very happily with +Catholic girls. + +At this time the Mormon candidate for Congress +(a man named Roberts) was a bitter opponent of +woman suffrage. The Mormon women begged me +to challenge him to a debate on the subject, which +I did, but Mr. Roberts declined the challenge. The +ground of his refusal, which he made public through +the newspapers, was chastening to my spirit. He +explained that he would not debate with me because +he was not willing to lower himself to the intellectual +plane of a woman. + + +XIII + +PRESIDENT OF ``THE NATIONAL'' + +In 1900 Miss Anthony, then over eighty, decided +that she must resign the presidency of our Nation- +al Association, and the question of the successor she +would choose became an important one. It was +conceded that there were only two candidates in +her mind--Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt and myself-- +and for several months we gave the suffrage world +the unusual spectacle of rivals vigorously pushing +each other's claims. Miss Anthony was devoted +to us both, and I think the choice was a hard one +for her to make. On the one hand, I had been +vice-president at large and her almost constant +companion for twelve years, and she had grown ac- +customed to think of me as her successor. On the +other hand, Mrs. Catt had been chairman of the +organization committee, and through her splendid +executive ability had built up our organization in +many states. From Miss Anthony down, we all +recognized her steadily growing powers; she had, +moreover, abundant means, which I had not. + +In my mind there was no question of her superior +qualification for the presidency. She seemed to me +the logical and indeed the only possible successor +to Miss Anthony; and I told ``Aunt Susan'' so with +all the eloquence I could command, while simul- +taneously Mrs. Catt was pouring into Miss Anthony's +other ear a series of impassioned tributes to me. It +was an unusual situation and a very pleasant one, +and it had two excellent results: it simplified ``Aunt +Susan's'' problem by eliminating the element of per- +sonal ambition, and it led to her eventual choice +of Mrs. Catt as her successor. + +I will admit here for the first time that in urging +Mrs. Catt's fitness for the office I made the greatest +sacrifice of my life. My highest ambition had been +to succeed Miss Anthony, for no one who knew her +as I did could underestimate the honor of being +chosen by her to carry on her work. + +At the convention in Washington that year she +formally refused the nomination for re-election, as +we had all expected, and then, on being urged to +choose her own successor, she stepped forward to +do so. It was a difficult hour, for her fiery soul re- +sented the limitations imposed by her worn-out +body, and to such a worker the most poignant ex- +perience in life is to be forced to lay down one's +work at the command of old age. On this she +touched briefly, but in a trembling voice; and then, +in furtherance of the understanding between the +three of us, she presented the name of Mrs. Catt to +the convention with all the pride and hope a mother +could feel in the presentation of a daughter. + +Her faith was fully justified. Mrs. Catt made +an admirable president, and during every moment +of the four years she held the office she had Miss +Anthony's whole-hearted and enthusiastic support, +while I, too, in my continued office of vice-president, +did my utmost to help her in every way. In 1904, +however, Mrs. Catt was elected president of the +International Suffrage Alliance, as I have mentioned +before, and that same year she resigned the presi- +dency of our National Association, as her health +was not equal to the strain of carrying the two +offices. + +Miss Anthony immediately urged me to accept +the presidency of the National Association, which +I was now most unwilling to do; I had lost my +ambition to be president, and there were other rea- +sons, into which I need not go again, why I felt that +I could not accept the post. At last, however, Miss +Anthony actually commanded me to take the place, +and there was nothing to do but obey her. She was +then eighty-four, and, as it proved, within two years +of her death. It was no time for me to rebel against +her wishes; but I yielded with the heaviest heart +I have ever carried, and after my election to the +presidency at the national convention in Washing- +ton I left the stage, went into a dark corner of the +wings, and for the first time since my girlhood ``cried +myself sick.'' + +In the work I now took up I found myself much +alone. Mrs. Catt was really ill, and the strength +of ``Aunt Susan'' must be saved in every way. +Neither could give me much help, though each +did all she should have done, and more. Mrs. +Catt, whose husband had recently died, was in a +deeply despondent frame of mind, and seemed to +feel that the future was hopelessly dark. My own +panacea for grief is work, and it seemed to me that +both physically and mentally she would be helped +by a wise combination of travel and effort. During +my lifetime I have cherished two ambitions, and +only two: the first, as I have already confessed, +had been to succeed Miss Anthony as president of +our association; the second was to go around the +world, carrying the woman-suffrage ideal to every +country, and starting in each a suffrage society. +Long before the inception of the International Suf- +frage Alliance I had dreamed this dream; and, +though it had receded as I followed it through life, +I had never wholly lost sight of it. Now I realized +that for me it could never be more than a dream. +I could never hope to have enough money at my +disposal to carry it out, and it occurred to me that +if Mrs. Catt undertook it as president of the Inter- +national Suffrage Alliance the results would be of +the greatest benefit to the Cause and to her. + +In my first visit to her after her husband's death +I suggested this plan, but she replied that it was +impossible for her to consider it. I did not lose +thought of it, however, and at the next International +Conference, held in Copenhagen in 1907, I suggested +to some of the delegates that we introduce the +matter as a resolution, asking Mrs. Catt to go +around the world in behalf of woman suffrage. They +approved the suggestion so heartily that I followed +it up with a speech setting forth the whole plan and +Mrs. Catt's peculiar fitness for the work. Several +months later Mrs. Catt and Dr. Aletta Jacobs, presi- +dent of the Holland Suffrage Association, started on +their world tour; and not until after they had gone +did I fully realize that the two great personal am- +bitions of my life had been realized, not by me, but +by another, and in each case with my enthusiastic +co-operation. + +In 1904, following my election to the presidency, +a strong appeal came from the Board of Managers +of the exposition to be held in Portland, Oregon, +urging us to hold our next annual convention there +during the exposition. It was the first time an +important body of men had recognized us in this +manner, and we gladly responded. So strong a +political factor did the men of Oregon recognize us +to be that every political party in the state asked +to be represented on our platform; and one entire +evening of the convention was given over to the +representatives chosen by the various parties to +indorse the suffrage movement. Thus we began +in Oregon the good work we continued in 1906, and +of which we reaped the harvest in 1912. + +Next to ``Suffrage Night,'' the most interesting +feature of the exposition to us was the unveiling of +the statue of Saccawagea, the young Indian girl +who led the Lewis and Clark expedition through the +dangerous passes of the mountain ranges of the +Northwest until they reached the Pacific coast. +This statue, presented to the exposition by the +women of Oregon, is the belated tribute of the state +to its most dauntless pioneer; and no one can look +upon the noble face of the young squaw, whose out- +stretched hand points to the ocean, without marvel- +ing over the ingratitude of the nation that ignored +her supreme service. To Saccawagea is due the +opening up of the entire western country. There +was no one to guide Lewis and Clark except this +Indian, who alone knew the way; and she led the +whole party, carrying her papoose on her back. +She was only sixteen, but she brought every man +safely through an experience of almost unparalleled +hardship and danger, nursing them in sickness and +setting them an example of unfaltering courage and +endurance, until she stood at last on the Pacific +coast, where her statue stands now, pointing to the +wide sweep of the Columbia River as it flows into +the sea. + +This recognition by women is the only recognition +she ever received. Both Lewis and Clark were sin- +cerely grateful to her and warmly recommended her +to the government for reward; but the government +allowed her absolutely nothing, though each man +in the party she had led was given a large tract of +land. Tradition says that she was bitterly disap- +pointed, as well she might have been, and her Indian +brain must have been sadly puzzled. But she was +treated little worse than thousands of the white +pioneer women who have followed her; and standing: +there to-day on the bank of her river, she still seems +sorrowfully reflective over the strange ways of the +nation she so nobly served. + +The Oregon campaign of 1906 was the carrying +out of one of Miss Anthony's dearest wishes, and we +who loved her set about this work soon after her +death. In the autumn preceding her passing, head- +quarters had been established in Oregon, and Miss +Laura Gregg had been placed in charge, with Miss +Gale Laughlin as her associate. As the money for +this effort was raised by the National Association, +it was decided, after some discussion, to let the +National Association develop the work in Oregon, +which was admittedly a hard state to carry and full +of possible difficulties which soon became actual +ones. + +As a beginning, the Legislature had failed to sub- +mit an amendment; but as the initiative and referen- +dum was the law in Oregon, the amendment was sub- +mitted through initiative patent. The task of se- +curing the necessary signatures was not an easy one, +but at last a sufficient number of signatures were +secured and verified, and the authorities issued the +necessary proclamation for the vote, which was to +take place at a special election held on the 5th of +June. Our campaign work had been carried on as +extensively as possible, but the distances were great +and the workers few, and as a result of the strain +upon her Miss Gregg's health soon failed alarm- +ingly. + +All this was happening during Miss Anthony's +last illness, and it added greatly to our anxieties. + +She instructed me to go to Oregon immediately +after her death and to take her sister Mary and +her niece Lucy with me, and we followed these +orders within a week of her funeral, arriving in +Portland on the third day of April. I had at- +tempted too much, however, and I proved it by +fainting as I got off the train, to the horror of +the friendly delegation waiting to receive us. The +Portland women took very tender care of me, +and in a few days I was ready for work, but we +found conditions even worse than we had expected. +Miss Gregg had collapsed utterly and was unable +to give us any information as to what had been done +or planned, and we had to make a new foundation. +Miss Laura Clay, who had been in the Portland work +for a few weeks, proved a tower of strength, and we +were soon aided further by Ida Porter Boyer, who +came on to take charge of the publicity department. +During the final six weeks of the campaign Alice +Stone Blackwell, of Boston, was also with us, while +Kate Gordon took under her special charge the or- +ganization of the city of Portland and the parlor- +meeting work. Miss Clay went into the state, where +Emma Smith DeVoe and other speakers were also +working, and I spent my time between the office +headquarters and ``the road,'' often working at my +desk until it was time to rush off and take a train +for some town where I was to hold a night meeting. +Miss Mary and Miss Lucy Anthony confined them- +selves to office-work in the Portland headquarters, +where they gave us very valuable assistance. I +have always believed that we would have carried +Oregon that year if the disaster of the California +earthquake had not occurred to divert the minds of +Western men from interest in anything save that +great catastrophe. + +On election day it seemed as if the heavens had +opened to pour floods upon us. Never before or +since have I seen such incessant, relentless rain. +Nevertheless, the women of Portland turned out +in force, led by Mrs. Sarah Evans, president of the +Oregon State Federation of Women's Clubs, while +all day long Dr. Pohl took me in her automobile +from one polling-place to another. At each we found +representative women patiently enduring the drench- +ing rain while they tried to persuade men to vote for +us. We distributed sandwiches, courage, and in- +spiration among them, and tried to cheer in the same +way the women watchers, whose appointment we +had secured that year for the first time. Two women +had been admitted to every polling-place--but the +way in which we had been able to secure their pres- +ence throws a high-light on the difficulties we were +meeting. We had to persuade men candidates to +select these women as watchers; and the only men +who allowed themselves to be persuaded were those +running on minority tickets and hopeless of election +--the prohibitionists, the socialists, and the candi- +dates of the labor party. + +The result of the election taught us several things. +We had been told that all the prohibitionists and +socialists would vote for us. Instead, we discovered +that the percentage of votes for woman suffrage was +about the same in every party, and that whenever +the voter had cast a straight vote, without inde- +pendence enough to ``scratch'' his ticket, that vote +was usually against us. On the other hand, when +the ticket was ``scratched'' the vote was usually in +our favor, whatever political party the man be- +longed to. + +Another interesting discovery was that the early +morning vote was favorable to our Cause the vote +cast by working-men on their way to their employ- +ment. During the middle of the forenoon and after- +noon, when the idle class was at the polls, the vote +ran against us. The late vote, cast as men were +returning from their work, was again largely in our +favor--and we drew some conclusions from this. + +Also, for the first time in the history of any cam- +paign, the anti-suffragists had organized against us. +Portland held a small body of women with anti- +suffrage sentiments, and there were others in the +state who formed themselves into an anti-suffrage +society and carried on a more or less active warfare. +In this campaign, for the first time, obscene cards +directed against the suffragists were circulated at +the polls; and while I certainly do not accuse the +Oregon anti-suffragists of circulating them, it is a +fact that the cards were distributed as coming from +the anti-suffragists--undoubtedly by some vicious +element among the men which had its own good rea- +son for opposing us. The ``antis'' also suffered in +this campaign from the ``pernicious activity'' of +their spokesman--a lawyer with an unenviable +reputation. After the campaign was over this man +declared that it had cost the opponents of our +measure $300,000. + +In 1907 Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont began to show an +interest in suffrage work, and through the influence +of several leaders in the movement, notably that of +Mrs. Ida Husted Harper, she decided to assist in +the establishment of national headquarters in the +State of New York. For a long time the associa- +tion's headquarters had been in Warren, Ohio, the +home of Mrs. Harriet Taylor Upton, then national +treasurer, and it was felt that their removal to a +larger city would have a great influence in develop- +ing the work. In 1909 Mrs. Belmont attended as +a delegate the meeting of the International Suffrage +Alliance in London, and her interest in the Cause +deepened. She became convinced that the head- +quarters of the association should be in New York +City, and at our Seattle convention that same year +I presented to the delegates her generous offer to +pay the rent and maintain a press department for +two years, on condition that our national head- +quarters were established in New York. + +This proposition was most gratefully accepted, +and we promptly secured headquarters in one of +the most desirable buildings on Fifth Avenue. The +wisdom of the change was demonstrated at once by +the extraordinary growth of the work. During our +last year in Warren, for example, the proceeds from +the sale of our literature were between $1,200 and +$1,300. During the first year in New York our +returns from such sales were between $13,000 and +$14,000, and an equal growth was evident in our +other departments. + +At the end of two years Mrs. Belmont ceased to +support the press department or to pay the rent, +but her timely aid had put us on our feet, and we +were able to continue our splendid progress and to +meet our expenses. + +The special event of 1908 was the successful com- +pletion of the fund President M. Carey Thomas of +Bryn Mawr and Miss Mary Garrett had promised in +1906 to raise for the Cause. For some time after Miss +Anthony's death nothing more was said of this, but +I knew those two indefatigable friends were not idle, +and ``Aunt Susan'' had died in the blessed conviction +that their success was certain. In 1907 I received a +letter from Miss Thomas telling me that the project +was progressing; and later she sent an outline of +her plan, which was to ask a certain number of +wealthy persons to give five hundred dollars a year +each for a term of years. In all, a fund of $60,000 +was to be raised, of which we were to have $12,000 +a year for five years; $4,500 of the $12,000 was to +be paid in salaries to three active officers, and the +remaining $7,500 was to go toward the work of the +association. The entire fund was to be raised by +May 1, 1908, she added, or the plan would be +dropped. + +I was on a lecture tour in Ohio in April, 1908, +when one night, as I was starting for the hall where +the lecture was to be given, my telephone bell rang. +``Long distance wants you,'' the operator said, and +the next minute a voice I recognized as that of Miss +Thomas was offering congratulations. ``The last +dollar of the $60,000,'' she added, ``was pledged at +four o'clock this afternoon.'' + +I was so overcome by the news that I dropped the +receiver and shook in a violent nervous attack, +and this trembling continued throughout my lecture. +It had not seemed possible that such a burden could +be lifted from my shoulders; $7,500 a year would +greatly aid our work, and $4,500 a year, even though +divided among three officers, would be a most wel- +come help to each. As subsequently arranged, +the salaries did not come to us through the National +Association treasury; they were paid directly by +Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett as custodians of the +fund. So it is quite correct to say that no salaries +have ever been paid by the National Association to +its officers. + +Three years later, in 1911, another glorious sur- +prise came to me in a very innocent-looking letter. +It was one of many in a heavy mail, and I opened it +absent-mindedly, for the day had been problem-filled. + +The writer stated very simply that she wished +to put a large amount into my hands to invest, +to draw on, and to use for the Cause as I saw fit. +The matter was to be a secret between us, and she +wished no subsequent accounting, as she had entire +faith in my ability to put the money to the best +possible use. + +The proposition rather dazed me, but I rallied my +forces and replied that I was infinitely grateful, but +that the amount she mentioned was a large one and I +would much prefer to share the responsibility of dis- +bursing it. Could she not select one more person, at +least, to share the secret and act with me? She re- +plied, telling me to make the selection, if I insisted on +having a confidante, and I sent her the names of Miss +Thomas and Miss Garrett, suggesting that as Miss +Thomas had done so much of the work in con- +nection with the $60,000 fund, Miss Garrett might +be willing to accept the detail work of this fund. +My friend replied that either of these ladies would +be perfectly satisfactory to her. She knew them +both, she said, and I was to arrange the matter as I +chose, as it rested wholly in my hands. + +I used this money in subsequent state campaigns, +and I am very sure that to it was largely due the +winning of Arizona, Kansas, and Oregon in 1912, +and of Montana and Nevada in 1914. It enabled +us for the first time to establish headquarters, se- +cure an office force, and engage campaign speakers. +I also spent some of it in the states we lost then +but will win later--Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan-- +using in all more than fifteen thousand dollars. In +September, 1913, I received another check from the +same friend, showing that she at least was satisfied +with the results we had achieved. + +``It goes to you with my love,'' she wrote, ``and +my earnest hopes for further success--not the least +of this a crowning of your faithful, earnest, splendid +work for our beloved Cause. How blessed it is that +you are our president and leader!'' + +I had talked to this woman only twice in my life, +and I had not seen her for years when her first check +came; so her confidence in me was an even greater +gift than her royal donation toward our Cause. + + + +XIV + +RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +The interval between the winning of Idaho and +Utah in 1896 and that of Washington in 1910 +seemed very long to lovers of the Cause. We were +working as hard as ever--harder, indeed, for the +opposition against us was growing stronger as our +opponents realized what triumphant woman suf- +frage would mean to the underworld, the grafters, +and the whited sepulchers in public office. But in +1910 we were cheered by our Washington victory, +followed the next year by the winning of California. +Then, with our splendid banner year of 1912 came +the winning of three states--Arizona, Kansas, and +Oregon--preceded by a campaign so full of vim and +interest that it must have its brief chronicle here. + +To begin, we conducted in 1912 the largest num- +ber of campaigns we had ever undertaken, working +in six states in which constitutional amendments +were pending--Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Oregon, +Arizona, and Kansas. Personally, I began my work +in Ohio in August, with the modest aspiration of +speaking in each of the principal towns in every one +of these states. In Michigan I had the invaluable +assistance of Mrs. Lawrence Lewis, of Philadelphia, +and I visited at this time the region of my old home, +greatly changed since the days of my girlhood, and +talked to the old friends and neighbors who had +turned out in force to welcome me. They showed +their further interest in the most satisfactory way, +by carrying the amendment in their part of the +state. + +At least four and five speeches a day were expected, +and as usual we traveled in every sort of conveyance, +from freight-cars to eighty horse-power French auto- +mobiles. In Eau Clair, Wisconsin, I spoke at the +races immediately after the passing of a procession +of cattle. At the end of the procession rode a wom- +an in an ox-cart, to represent pioneer days. She +wore a calico gown and a sunbonnet, and drove her +ox-team with genuine skill; and the last touch to +the picture she made was furnished by the presence +of a beautiful biplane which whirred lightly in the +air above her. The obvious comparison was too +good to ignore, so I told my hearers that their women +to-day were still riding in ox-teams while the men +soared in the air, and that women's work in the +world's service could be properly done only when +they too were allowed to fly. + +In Oregon we were joined by Miss Lucy Anthony. +There, at Pendleton, I spoke during the great +``round up,'' holding the meeting at night on the +street, in which thousands of horsemen--cowboys, +Indians, and ranchmen--were riding up and down, +blowing horns, shouting, and singing. It seemed +impossible to interest an audience under such con- +ditions, but evidently the men liked variety, for +when we began to speak they quieted down and +closed around us until we had an audience that filled +the streets in every direction and as far as our voices +could reach. Never have we had more courteous or +enthusiastic listeners than those wild and happy +horsemen. Best of all, they not only cheered our +sentiments, but they followed up their cheers with +their votes. I spoke from an automobile, and when +I had finished one of the cowboys rode close to me +and asked for my New York address. ``You will +hear from me later,'' he said, when he had made a +note of it. In time I received a great linen banner, +on which he had made a superb pen-and-ink sketch +of himself and his horse, and in every corner sketches +of scenes in the different states where women voted, +together with drawings of all the details of cowboy +equipment. Over these were drawn the words: + + WOMAN SUFFRAGE--WE ARE ALL FOR IT. + +The banner hangs to-day in the National Head- +quarters. + +In California Mr. Edwards presented me with the +money to purchase the diamond in Miss Anthony's +flag pin representing the victory of his state the +preceding year; and in Arizona one of the high- +lights of the campaign was the splendid effort of +Mrs. Frances Munds, the state president, and Mrs. +Alice Park, of Palo Alto, California, who were carry- +ing on the work in their headquarters with tre- +mendous courage, and, as it seemed to me, almost +unaided. Mrs. Park's specialty was the distribu- +tion of suffrage literature, which she circulated with +remarkable judgment. The Governor of Arizona +was in favor of our Cause, but there were so few +active workers available that to me, at least, the +winning of the state was a happy surprise. + +In Kansas we stole some of the prestige of Champ +Clark, who was making political speeches in the +same region. At one station a brass-band and a +great gathering were waiting for Mr. Clark's train +just as our train drew in; so the local suffragists per- +suaded the band to play for us, too, and I made a +speech to the inspiring accompaniment of ``Hail to +the Chief.'' The passengers on our train were great- +ly impressed, thinking it was all for us; the crowd +at the station were glad to be amused until the great +man came, and I was glad of the opportunity to +talk to so many representative men--so we were +all happy. + +In the Soldiers' Home at Leavenworth I told the +old men of the days when my father and brothers +left us in the wilderness, and my mother and I cared +for the home while they fought at the front--and +I have always believed that much of the large vote +we received at Leavenworth was cast by those old +soldiers. + +No one who knows the conditions doubts that we +really won Michigan that year as well as the three +other states, but strange things were done in the +count. For example, in one precinct in Detroit +forty more votes were counted against our amend- +ment than there were voters in the district. In +other districts there were seven or eight more votes +than voters. Under these conditions it is not sur- +prising that, after the vigorous recounting following +the first wide-spread reports of our success, Michi- +gan was declared lost to us. + +The campaign of 1914, in which we won Montana +and Nevada, deserves special mention here. I must +express also my regret that as this book will be on +the presses before the campaign of 1915 is ended, I +cannot include in these reminiscences the results +of our work in New York and other states. + +As a beginning of the 1914 campaign I spent a day +in Chicago, on the way to South Dakota, to take my +part in a moving-picture suffrage play. It was my +first experience as an actress, and I found it a taxing +one. As a modest beginning I was ordered to make +a speech in thirty-three seconds--something of a +task, as my usual time allowance for a speech is one +hour. The manager assured me, however, that a +speech of thirty-three seconds made twenty-seven +feet of film--enough, he thought, to convert even a +lieutenant-governor! + +The Dakota campaigns, as usual, resolved them- +selves largely into feats of physical endurance, in +which I was inspired by the fine example of the state +presidents--Mrs. John Pyle of South Dakota and +Mrs. Clara V. Darrow of North Dakota. Every day +we made speeches from the rear platform of the +trains on which we were traveling--sometimes only +two or three, sometimes half a dozen. One day I +rode one hundred miles in an automobile and spoke +in five different towns. Another day I had to make +a journey in a freight-car. It was, with a few ex- +ceptions, the roughest traveling I had yet known, +and it took me six hours to reach my destination. +While I was gathering up hair-pins and pulling my- +self together to leave the car at the end of the ride +I asked the conductor how far we had traveled. + +``Forty miles,'' said he, tersely. + +``That means forty miles AHEAD,'' I murmured. +``How far up and down?'' + +``Oh, a hundred miles up and down,'' grinned the +conductor, and the exchange of persiflage cheered +us both. + +Though we did not win, I have very pleasant +memories of North Dakota, for Mrs. Darrow ac- +companied me during the entire campaign, and took +every burden from my shoulders so efficiently that +I had nothing to do but make speeches. + +In Montana our most interesting day was that +of the State Fair, which ended with a suffrage parade +that I was invited to lead. On this occasion the +suffragists wished me to wear my cap and gown and +my doctor's hood, but as I had not brought those +garments with me, we borrowed and I proudly wore +the cap and gown of the Unitarian minister. It was +a small but really beautiful parade, and all the cos- +tumes for it were designed by the state president, +Miss Jeannette Rankin, to whose fine work, by the +way, combined with the work of her friends, the +winning of Montana was largely due. + +In Butte the big strike was on, and the town was +under martial law. A large banquet was given us +there, and when we drove up to the club-house +where this festivity was to be held we were stopped +by two armed guards who confronted us with stern +faces and fixed bayonets. The situation seemed so +absurd that I burst into happy laughter, and thus +deeply offended the earnest young guards who were +grasping the fixed bayonets. This sad memory was +wiped out, however, by the interest of the banquet-- +a very delightful affair, attended by the mayor of +Butte and other local dignitaries. + +In Nevada the most interesting feature of the +campaign was the splendid work of the women. In +each of the little towns there was the same spirit +of ceaseless activity and determination. The presi- +dent of the State Association, Miss Anne Martin, +who was at the head of the campaign work, accom- +panied me one Sunday when we drove seventy miles +in a motor and spoke four times, and she was also +my companion in a wonderful journey over the +mountains. Miss Martin was a tireless and worthy +leader of the fine workers in her state. + +In Missouri, under the direction of Mrs. Walter +McNabb Miller, and in Nebraska, where Mrs. E. +Draper Smith was managing the campaign, we had +some inspiring meetings. At Lincoln Mrs. William +Jennings Bryan introduced me to the biggest audi- +ence of the year, and the programme took on a special +interest from the fact that it included Mrs. Bryan's +debut as a speaker for suffrage. She is a tall and +attractive woman with an extremely pleasant voice, +and she made an admirable speech--clear, terse, and +much to the point, putting herself on record as a +strong supporter of the woman-suffrage movement. +There was also an amusing aftermath of this occa- +sion, which Secretary Bryan himself confided to me +several months later when I met him in Atlantic +City. He assured me, with the deep sincerity he +assumes so well, that for five nights after my speech +in Lincoln his wife had kept him awake listening to +her report of it--and he added, solemnly, that he +now knew it ``by heart.'' + +A less pleasing memory of Nebraska is that I lost +my voice there and my activities were sadly inter- +rupted. But I was taken to the home of Mr. and +Mrs. Francis A. Brogan, of Omaha, and supplied +with a trained nurse, a throat specialist, and such +care and comfort that I really enjoyed the enforced +rest--knowing, too, that the campaign committee +was carrying on our work with great enthusiasm. + +In Missouri one of our most significant meetings +was in Bowling Green, the home of Champ Clark, +Speaker of the House. Mrs. Clark gave a reception, +made a speech, and introduced me at the meeting, +as Mrs. Bryan had done in Lincoln. She is one of +the brightest memories of my Missouri experience, +for, with few exceptions, she is the most entertaining +woman I have ever met. Subsequently we had an +all-day motor journey together, during which Mrs. +Clark rarely stopped talking and I even more rarely +stopped laughing. + + + +XV + +CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +From 1887 to 1914 we had a suffrage convention +every year, and I attended each of them. In pre- +ceding chapters I have mentioned various convention +episodes of more or less importance. Now, looking +back over them all as I near the end of these remi- +niscences, I recall a few additional incidents which +had a bearing on later events. +There was, for example, the much-discussed at- +tack on suffrage during the Atlanta convention of +1895, by a prominent clergyman of that city whose +name I mercifully withhold. On the Sunday pre- +ceding our arrival this gentleman preached a sermon +warning every one to keep away from our meetings, +as our effort was not to secure the franchise for +women, but to encourage the intermarriage of the +black and white races. Incidentally he declared that +the suffragists were trying to break up the homes +of America and degrade the morals of women, and +that we were all infidels and blasphemers. He ended +with a personal attack on me, saying that on the +previous Sunday I had preached in the Epworth +Memorial Methodist Church of Cleveland, Ohio, a +sermon which was of so blasphemous a nature that +nothing could purify the church after it except to +burn it down. + +As usual at our conventions, I had been announced +to preach the sermon at our Sunday conference, and +I need hardly point out that the reverend gentle- +man's charge created a deep public interest in this +effort. I had already selected a text, but I im- +mediately changed my plans and announced that +I would repeat the sermon I had delivered in Cleve- +land and which the Atlanta minister considered so +blasphemous. The announcement brought out an +audience which filled the Opera House and called +for a squad of police officers to keep in order the +street crowd that could not secure entrance. The +assemblage had naturally expected that I would +make some reply to the clergyman's attack, but I +made no reference whatever to him. I merely re- +peated, with emphasis, the sermon I had delivered +in Cleveland. + +At the conclusion of the service one of the trustees +of my reverend critic's church came and apologized +for his pastor. He had a high regard for him, the +trustee said, but in this instance there could be no +doubt in the mind of any one who had heard both +sermons that of the two mine was the tolerant, the +reverent, and the Christian one. The attack made +many friends for us, first because of its injustice, +and next because of the good-humored tolerance +with which the suffragists accepted it. + +The Atlanta convention, by the way, was ar- +ranged and largely financed by the Misses Howard-- +three sisters living in Columbus, Georgia, and each +an officer of the Georgia Woman Suffrage Association. +It is a remarkable fact that in many of our Southern +states the suffrage movement has been led by three +sisters. In Kentucky the three Clay sisters were +for many years leaders in the work. In Texas the +three Finnegan sisters did splendid work; in Loui- +siana the Gordon sisters were our stanchest allies, +while in Virginia we had the invaluable aid of Mary +Johnston, the novelist, and her two sisters. We +used to say, laughingly, if there was a failure to +organize any state in the South, that it must be due +to the fact that no family there had three sisters +to start the movement. + +From the Atlanta convention we went directly +to Washington to attend the convention of the +National Council of Women, and on the first day +of this council Frederick Douglass came to the meet- +ing. Mr. Douglass had a special place in the hearts +of suffragists, for the reason that at the first con- +vention ever held for woman suffrage in the United +States (at Seneca Falls, New York) he was the only +person present who stood by Elizabeth Cady Stan- +ton when she presented her resolution in favor of +votes for women. Even Lucretia Mott was startled +by this radical step, and privately breathed into the +ear of her friend, ``Elizabeth, thee is making us +ridiculous!'' Frederick Douglass, however, took the +floor in defense of Mrs. Stanton's motion, a service +we suffragists never forgot. + +Therefore, when the presiding officer of the council, +Mrs. May Wright Sewall, saw Mr. Douglass enter the +convention hall in Washington on this particular morn- +ing, she appointed Susan B. Anthony and me a com- +mittee to escort him to a seat on the platform, which +we gladly did. Mr. Douglass made a short speech +and then left the building, going directly to his home. +There, on entering his hall, he had an attack of heart +failure and dropped dead as he was removing his +overcoat. His death cast a gloom over the con- +vention, and his funeral, which took place three +days later, was attended by many prominent men +and women who were among the delegates. Miss +Anthony and I were invited to take part in the +funeral services, and she made a short address, +while I offered a prayer. + +The event had an aftermath in Atlanta, for it +led our clerical enemy to repeat his charges against +us, and to offer the funeral of Frederick Douglass as +proof that we were hand in glove with the negro +race. + +Under the gracious direction of Miss Kate Gordon +and the Louisiana Woman Suffrage Association, we +held an especially inspiring convention in New +Orleans in 1903. In no previous convention were +arrangements more perfect, and certainly nowhere +else did the men of a community co-operate more gen- +erously with the women in entertaining us. A club +of men paid the rent of our hall, chartered a steam- +boat and gave us a ride on the Mississippi, and in +many other ways helped to make the occasion a suc- +cess. Miss Gordon, who was chairman of the +programme committee, introduced the innovation of +putting me before the audience for twenty minutes +every evening, at the close of the regular session, +as a target for questions. Those present were +privileged to ask any questions they pleased, and I +answered them--if I could. + +We were all conscious of the dangers attending +a discussion of the negro question, and it was under- +stood among the Northern women that we must +take every precaution to avoid being led into such +discussion. It had not been easy to persuade Miss +Anthony of the wisdom of this course; her way was +to face issues squarely and out in the open. But +she agreed that we must respect the convictions of +the Southern men and women who were entertain- +ing us so hospitably. + +On the opening night, as I took my place to answer +questions, almost the first slip passed up bore these +words: + + +What is your purpose in bringing your convention to the +South? Is it the desire of suffragists to force upon us the +social equality of black and white women? Political equality +lays the foundation for social equality. If you give the ballot +to women, won't you make the black and white woman equal +politically and therefore lay the foundation for a future claim +of social equality? + + +I laid the paper on one side and did not answer +the question. The second night it came to me +again, put in the same words, and again I ignored +it. The third night it came with this addition: + +Evidently you do not dare to answer this question. There- +fore our conclusion is that this is your purpose. + + +When I had read this I went to the front of the +platform. + +``Here,'' I said, ``is a question which has been +asked me on three successive nights. I have not +answered it because we Northern women had de- +cided not to enter into any discussion of the race +question. But now I am told by the writer of this +note that we dare not answer it. I wish to say that +we dare to answer it if you dare to have it answered +--and I leave it to you to decide whether I shall +answer it or not.'' + +I read the question aloud. Then the audience +called for the answer, and I gave it in these words, +quoted as accurately as I can remember them: + +``If political equality is the basis of social equality, +and if by granting political equality you lay the +foundation for a claim of social equality, I can only +answer that you have already laid that claim. You +did not wait for woman suffrage, but disfranchised +both your black and your white women, thus making +them politically equal. But you have done more +than that. You have put the ballot into the hands +of your black men, thus making them the political +superiors of your white women. Never before in the +history of the world have men made former slaves +the political masters of their former mistresses!'' + +The point went home and it went deep. I drove +it in a little further. + +``The women of the South are not alone,'' I said, +``in their humiliation. All the women of America +share it with them. There is no other nation in the +world in which women hold the position of political +degradation our American women hold to-day. +German women are governed by German men; +French women are governed by French men. But +in these United States American women are gov- +erned by every race of men under the light of the +sun. There is not a color from white to black, from +red to yellow, there is not a nation from pole to +pole, that does not send its contingent to govern +American women. If American men are willing to +leave their women in a position as degrading as this +they need not be surprised when American women +resolve to lift themselves out of it.'' + +For a full moment after I had finished there was +absolute silence in the audience. We did not know +what would happen. Then, suddenly, as the truth +of the statement struck them, the men began to +applaud--and the danger of that situation was over. + +Another episode had its part in driving the suf- +frage lesson home to Southern women. The Legis- +lature had passed a bill permitting tax-paying women +to vote at any election where special taxes were to +be imposed for improvements, and the first election +following the passage of this bill was one in New +Orleans, in which the question of better drainage +for the city was before the public. Miss Gordon +and the suffrage association known as the Era +Club entered enthusiastically into the fight for good +drainage. According to the law women could vote +by proxy if they preferred, instead of in person, so +Miss Gordon drove to the homes of the old con- +servative Creole families and other families whose +women were unwilling to vote in public, and she +collected their proxies while incidentally she showed +them what position they held under the law. + +With each proxy it was necessary to have the signa- +ture of a witness, but according to the Louisiana law +no woman could witness a legal document. Miss +Gordon was driven from place to place by her colored +coachman, and after she had secured the proxy of +her temporary hostess it was usually discovered that +there was no man around the place to act as a wit- +ness. This was Miss Gordon's opportunity. With +a smile of great sweetness she would say, ``I will +have Sam come in and help us out''; and the colored +coachman would get down from his box, and by +scrawling his signature on the proxy of the aristo- +cratic lady he would give it the legal value it lacked. +In this way Miss Gordon secured three hundred +proxies, and three hundred very conservative women +had an opportunity to compare their legal standing +with Sam's. The drainage bill was carried and in- +terest in woman suffrage developed steadily. + +The special incident of the Buffalo convention of +1908 was the receipt of a note which was passed up +to me as I sat on the platform. When I opened it +a check dropped out--a check so large that I was +sure it had been sent by mistake. However, after +asking one or two friends on the platform if I had +read it correctly, I announced to the audience that +if a certain amount were subscribed immediately I +would reveal a secret--a very interesting secret. +Audiences are as curious as individuals. The amount +was at once subscribed. Then I held up a check +for $10,000, given for our campaign work by Mrs. +George Howard Lewis, in memory of Susan B. An- +thony, and I read to the audience the charming +letter that accompanied it. The money was used +during the campaigns of the following year--part of +it in Washington, where an amendment was already +submitted. + +In a previous chapter I have described the estab- +lishment of our New York headquarters as a result +of the generous offer of Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont at +the Seattle convention in 1909. During our first +year in these beautiful Fifth Avenue rooms Mrs. +Pankhurst made her first visit to America, and we +gave her a reception there. This, however, was +before the adoption of the destructive methods which +have since marked the activities of the band of +militant suffragists of which Mrs. Pankhurst is +president. There has never been any sympathy +among American suffragists for the militant suffrage +movement in England, and personally I am wholly +opposed to it. I do not believe in war in any form; +and if violence on the part of men is undesirable in +achieving their ends, it is much more so on the part +of women; for women never appear to less advan- +tage than in physical combats with men. As for +militancy in America, no generation that attempted +it could win. No victory could come to us in any +state where militant methods were tried. They are +undignified, unworthy--in other words, un-Ameri- +can. + +The Washington convention of 1910 was graced +by the presence of President Taft, who, at the in- +vitation of Mrs. Rachel Foster Avery, made an +address. It was understood, of course, that he was +to come out strongly for woman suffrage; but, to +our great disappointment, the President, a most +charming and likable gentleman, seemed unable +to grasp the significance of the occasion. He began +his address with fulsome praise of women, which was +accepted in respectful silence. Then he got round +to woman suffrage, floundered helplessly, became +confused, and ended with the most unfortunately +chosen words he could have uttered: ``I am op- +posed,'' he said, ``to the extension of suffrage to +women not fitted to vote. You would hardly expect +to put the ballot into the hands of barbarians or +savages in the jungle!'' + +The dropping of these remarkable words into a +suffrage convention was naturally followed by an +oppressive silence, which Mr. Taft, now wholly +bereft of his self-possession, broke by saying that +the best women would not vote and the worst women +would. + +In his audience were many women from suffrage +states--high-minded women, wives and mothers, +who had voted for Mr. Taft. The remarks to which +they had just listened must have seemed to them a +poor return. Some one hissed--some man, some +woman--no one knows which except the culprit-- +and a demonstration started which I immediately +silenced. Then the President finished his address. +He was very gracious to us when he left, shaking +hands with many of us, and being especially cordial +to Senator Owens's aged mother, who had come to +the convention to hear him make his maiden speech +on woman suffrage. I have often wondered what +he thought of that speech as he drove back to the +White House. Probably he regretted as earnestly +as we did that he had made it. + +In 1912, at an official board meeting at Bryn +Mawr, Mrs. Stanley McCormack was appointed +to fill a vacancy on the National Board. Sub- +sequently she contributed $6,000 toward the pay- +ment of debts incident to our temporary connec- +tion with the Woman's Journal of Boston, and did +much efficient work for us, To me, personally, +the entrance of Mrs. Stanley McCormack into +our work has been a source of the deepest grati- +fication and comfort. I can truly say of her what +Susan B. Anthony said of me, ``She is my right +bower.'' At Nashville, in 1914, she was elected first +vice-president, and to a remarkable degree she has +since relieved me of the burden of the technical +work of the presidency, including the oversight of +the work at headquarters. To this she gives all her +time, aided by an executive secretary who takes +charge of the routine work of the association. She +has thus made it possible for me to give the greater +part of my time to the field in which such inspiring +opportunities still confront us--campaign work in +the various states. + +To Mrs. Medill McCormack also we are indebted +for most admirable work and enthusiastic support. +At the Washington (D.C.) convention in 1913 she +was made the chairman of the Congressional Com- +mittee, with Mrs. Antoinette Funk, Mrs. Helen +Gardner of Washington, and Mrs. Booth of Chicago +as her assistants. The results they achieved were +so brilliant that they were unanimously re-elected +to the same positions this year, with the addition +of Miss Jeannette Rankin, whose energy and service +had helped to win for us the state of Montana. + +It was largely due to the work of this Congress- +ional Committee, supported by the large number of +states which had been won for suffrage, that we +secured such an excellent vote in the Lower House +of Congress on the bill to amend the national Con- +stitution granting suffrage to the women of the +United States. This measure, known as the Susan +B. Anthony bill, had been introduced into every +Congress for forty-three years by the National +Woman Suffrage Association. In 1914, for the +first time, it was brought out of committee, debated, +and voted upon in the Lower House. We received +174 votes in favor of it to 204 against it. The +previous spring, in the same Congress, the same bill +passed the Senate by 35 votes for it to 33 votes +against it. + +The most interesting features of the Washington +convention of 1913 were the labor mass-meetings +led by Jane Addams and the hearing before the +Rules Committee of the Lower House of Con- +gress--the latter the first hearing ever held be- +fore this Committee for the purpose of securing a +Committee on Suffrage in the Lower House to +correspond with a similar committee in the Sen- +ate. For many years we had had hearings be- +fore the Judiciary Committee of the Lower House, +which was such a busy committee that it had neither +time nor interest to give to our measure. We there- +fore considered it necessary to have a special com- +mittee of our own. The hearing began on the +morning of Wednesday, the third of December, and +lasted for two hours. Then the anti-suffragists were +given time, and their hearing began the following +day, continued throughout that day and during +the morning of the next day, when our National +Association was given an opportunity for rebuttal +argument in the afternoon. It was the longest hear- +ing in the history of the suffrage movement, and one +of the most important. + +During the session of Congress in 1914 another +strenuous effort was made to secure the appoint- +ment of a special suffrage committee in the Lower +House. But when success began to loom large be- +fore us the Democrats were called in caucus by the +minority leader, Mr. Underwood, of Alabama, and +they downed our measure by a vote of 127 against +it to 58 for it. This was evidently done by the +Democrats because of the fear that the united votes +of Republican and Progressive members, with those +of certain Democratic members, would carry the +measure; whereas if this caucus were called, and +an unfavorable vote taken, ``the gentlemen's agree- +ment'' which controls Democratic party action in +Congress would force Democrats in favor of suffrage +to vote against the appointment of the committee, +which of course would insure its defeat. + +The caucus blocked the appointment of the com- +mittee, but it gave great encouragement to the suf- +fragists of the country, for they knew it to be a tacit +admission that the measure would receive a favor- +able vote if it came before Congress unhampered. + +Another feature of the 1913 convention was the +new method of electing officers, by which a primary +vote was taken on nominations, and afterward a +regular ballot was cast; one officer was added to the +members of the official board, making nine instead +of eight, the former number. The new officers +elected were Mrs. Breckenridge of Kentucky, the +great-granddaughter of Henry Clay, and Mrs. +Catherine Ruutz-Rees of Greenwich, Connecticut. +The old officers were re-elected--Miss Jane Addams +as first vice-president, Mrs. Breckenridge and Mrs. +Ruutz-Rees as second and third vice-presidents, +Mrs. Mary Ware Dennett as corresponding secre- +tary, Mrs. Susan Fitzgerald as recording secretary, +Mrs. Stanley McCormack as treasurer, Mrs. Joseph +Bowen of Chicago and Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw of +New York City as auditors. + +It would be difficult to secure a group of women +of more marked ability, or better-known workers in +various lines of philanthropic and educational work, +than the members composing this admirable board. +At the convention of 1914, held in Nashville, several +of them resigned, and at present (in 1914) the +``National's'' affairs are in the hands of this in- +spiring group, again headed by the much-criticized +and chastened writer of these reminiscences: + +Mrs. Stanley McCormack, first vice-president. +Mrs. Desha Breckenridge, second vice-president. +Dr. Katharine B. Davis, third vice-president. +Mrs. Henry Wade Rogers, treasurer. +Mrs. John Clark, corresponding secretary. +Mrs. Susan Walker Fitzgerald, recording secretary. +Mrs. Medill McCormack, } + } Auditors +Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, of Missouri } + + +In a book of this size, and covering the details +of my own life as well as the development of the +great Cause, it is, of course, impossible to mention +by name each woman who has worked for us-- +though, indeed, I would like to make a roll of honor +and give them all their due. In looking back I am sur- +prised to see how little I have said about many women +with whom I have worked most closely--Rachel +Foster Avery, for example, with whom I lived happily +for several years; Ida Husted Harper, the historian +of the suffrage movement and the biographer of Miss +Anthony, with whom I made many delightful voy- +ages to Europe; Alice Stone Blackwell, Rev. Mary +Saffard, Jane Addams, Katharine Waugh McCul- +lough, Ella Stewart, Mrs. Mary Wood Swift, Mrs. +Mary S. Sperry, Mary Cogshall, Florence Kelly, +Mrs. Ogden Mills Reid and Mrs. Norman White- +house (to mention only two of the younger ``live +wires'' in our New York work), Sophonisba Breck- +enridge, Mrs. Clara B. Arthur, Rev. Caroline Bart- +lett Crane, Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw, Mrs. Raymond +Brown, the splendidly executive president of our +New York State Suffrage Association, and my bene- +factress, Mrs. George Howard Lewis of Buffalo. To +all of them, and to thousands of others, I make my +grateful acknowledgment of indebtedness for friend- +ship and for help. + + + +XVI + +COUNCIL EPISODES + +I have said much of the interest attending the +international meetings held in Chicago, London, +Berlin, and Stockholm. That I have said less about +those in Copenhagen, Geneva, The Hague, Budapest, +and other cities does not mean that these were less +important, and certainly the wonderful women +leaders of Europe who made them so brilliant must +not be passed over in silence. + +First, however, the difference between the Suf- +frage Alliance meetings and the International Coun- +cil meetings should be explained. The Council +meetings are made up of societies from the various +nations which are auxiliary to the International +Council--these societies representing all lines of +women's activities, whether educational, industrial, +or social, while the membership, including more +than eleven million women, represents probably the +largest organization of women in the world. The +International Suffrage Alliance represents the suf- +frage interest primarily, whereas the International +Council has only a suffrage department. So popu- +lar did this International Alliance become after its +formation in Berlin by Mrs. Catt, in 1904, that at +the Copenhagen meeting, only three years later, +more than sixteen different nations were represented +by regular delegates. + +It was unfortunate, therefore, that I chose this +occasion to make a spectacular personal failure in +the pulpit. I had been invited to preach the con- +vention sermon, and for the first time in my life +I had an interpreter. Few experiences, I believe, +can be more unpleasant than to stand up in a pul- +pit, utter a remark, and then wait patiently while it +is repeated in a tongue one does not understand, by +a man who is putting its gist in his own words and +quite possibly giving it his own interpretative twist. +I was very unhappy, and I fear I showed it, for I +felt, as I looked at the faces of those friends who +understood Danish, that they were not getting what +I was giving them. Nor were they, for I afterward +learned that the interpreter, a good orthodox +brother, had given the sermon an ultra-orthodox +bias which those who knew my creed certainly did +not recognize. The whole experience greatly dis- +heartened me, but no doubt it was good for my +soul. + +During the Copenhagen meeting we were given +a banquet by the City Council, and in the course of +his speech of welcome one of the city fathers airily +remarked that he hoped on our next visit to Copen- +hagen there would be women members in the Council +to receive us. At the time this seemed merely a +pleasant jest, but two years from that day a bill +was enacted by Parliament granting municipal suf- +frage to the women of Denmark, and seven women +were elected to the City Council of Copenhagen. +So rapidly does the woman suffrage movement grow +in these inspiring days! + +Recalling the International Council of 1899 in +London, one of my most vivid pictures has Queen +Victoria for its central figure. The English court +was in mourning at the time and no public audiences +were being held; but we were invited to Windsor +with the understanding that, although the Queen +could not formally receive us, she would pass +through our lines, receiving Lady Aberdeen and +giving the rest of us an opportunity to courtesy +and obtain Her Majesty's recognition of the Cause. +The Queen arranged with her chamberlain that we +should be given tea and a collation; but before this +refreshment was served, indeed immediately after +our arrival, she entered her familiar little pony-cart +and was driven slowly along lines of bowing women +who must have looked like a wheat-field in a high +wind. + +Among us was a group of Indian women, and +these, dressed in their native costumes, contributed +a picturesque bit of brilliant color to the scene as +they deeply salaamed. They arrested the eye of +the Queen, who stopped and spoke a few cordial +words to them. This gave the rest of us an excellent +opportunity to observe her closely, and I admit that +my English blood stirred in me suddenly and loyally +as I studied the plump little figure. She was dressed +entirely and very simply in black, with a quaint +flat black hat and a black cape. The only bit +of color about her was a black-and-white parasol +with a gold handle. It was, however, her face which +held me, for it gave me a wholly different impression +of the Queen from those I had received from her +photographs. Her pictured eyes were always rather +cold, and her pictured face rather haughty; but there +was a very sweet and winning softness in the eyes +she turned upon the Indian women, and her whole +expression was unexpectedly gentle and benignant. +Behind her, as a personal attendant, strode an +enormous East-Indian in full native costume, and +closely surrounding her were gentlemen of her house- +hold, each in uniform. + +By this time my thoughts were on my courtesy, +which I desired to make conventional if not grace- +ful; but nature has not made it easy for me to +double to the earth as Lady Aberdeen and the In- +dian women were doing, and I fear I accomplished +little save an exhibition of good intentions. The +Queen, however, was getting into the spirit of the +occasion. She stopped to speak to a Canadian +representative, and she would, I think, have ended +by talking to many others; but, just at the psycho- +logical moment, a woman rushed out of the line, +seized Her Majesty's hand and kissed it--and Vic- +toria, startled and possibly fearing a general on- +slaught, hurriedly passed on. + +Another picture I recall was made by the Duchess +of Sutherland, the Countess of Aberdeen, and the +Countess of Warwick standing together to receive +us at the foot of the marble stairway in Sutherland +House. All of them literally blazed with jewels, and +the Countess of Aberdeen wore the famous Aber- +deen emerald. At Lady Battersea's reception I had +my first memorial meeting with Mary Anderson +Navarro, and was able to thank her for the pleasure +she had given me in Boston so long ago. Then I +reproached her mildly for taking herself away from +us, pointing out that a great gift had been given +her which she should have continued to share with +the world. + +``Come and see my baby,'' laughed Madame +Navarro. ``That's the best argument I can offer +to refute yours.'' + +At the same reception I had an interesting talk +with James Bryce. He had recently written his +American Commonwealth, and I had just read it. +It was, therefore, the first subject I introduced in +our conversation. Mr. Bryce's comment amused +me. He told me he had quite changed his opinion +toward the suffrage aspirations of women, because +so many women had read his book that he really +believed they were intelligent, and he had come to +feel much more kindly toward them. These were +not his exact words, but his meaning was unmistak- +able and his mental attitude artlessly sincere. And, +on reflection, I agree with him that the American +Commonwealth is something of an intellectual hurdle +for the average human mind. + +In 1908 the International Council was held in +Geneva, and here, for the first time, we were shown, +as entertainment, the dances of a country--the +scene being an especially brilliant one, as all the +dancers wore their native costumes. Also, for the +first time in the history of Geneva, the buildings of +Parliament were opened to women and a woman's +organization was given the key to the city. At +that time the Swiss women were making their fight +for a vote in church matters, and we helped their +cause as much as we could. To-day many Swiss +women are permitted to exercise this right--the +first political privilege free Switzerland has given +them. + +The International Alliance meeting in Amster- +dam in 1909 was the largest held up to that time, +and much of its success was due to Dr. Aletta Jacobs, +the president of the National Suffrage Association +of Holland. Dr. Jacobs had some wonderful helpers +among the women of her country, and she herself +was an ideal leader--patient, enthusiastic, and tire- +less. That year the governments of Australia, Nor- +way, and Finland paid the expenses of the delegates +from those countries--a heartening innovation. One +of the interesting features of the meeting was a +cantata composed for the occasion and given by +the Queen's Royal Band, under the direction of a +woman--Catharine van Rennes, one of the most +distinguished composers and teachers in Holland. +She wrote both words and music of her cantata and +directed it admirably; and the musicians of the +Queen's Band entered fully into its spirit and played +like men inspired. That night we had more music, +as well as a never-to-be-forgotten exhibition of folk- +dancing. + +The same year, in June, we held the meeting of +the International Council in Toronto, and, as Canada +has never been eagerly interested in suffrage, an un- +successful effort was made to exclude this subject +from the programme. I was asked to preside at the +suffrage meetings on the artless and obvious theory +that I would thus be kept too busy to say much. +I had hoped that the Countess of Aberdeen, who was +the president of the International Council, would take +the chair; but she declined to do this, or even to +speak, as the Earl of Aberdeen had recently been +appointed Viceroy of Ireland, and she desired to +spare him any embarrassment which might be +caused by her public activities. We recognized the +wisdom of her decision, but, of course, regretted +it; and I was therefore especially pleased when, on +suffrage night, the countess, accompanied by her +aides in their brilliant uniforms, entered the hall. +We had not been sure that she would be with us, +but she entered in her usual charming and gra- +cious manner, took a seat beside me on the platform, +and showed a deep interest in the programme and +the great gathering before us. + +As the meeting went on I saw that she was grow- +ing more and more enthusiastic, and toward the +end of the evening I quietly asked her if she did +not wish to say a few words. She said she would +say a very few. I had put myself at the end of the +programme, intending to talk about twenty minutes; +but before beginning my speech I introduced the +countess, and by this time she was so enthusiastic +that, to my great delight, she used up my twenty +minutes in a capital speech in which she came out +vigorously for woman suffrage. It gave us the best +and timeliest help we could have had, and was a +great impetus to the movement. + +In London, at the Alliance Council of 1911, we +were entertained for the first time by a suffrage +organization of men, and by the organized actresses +of the nation, as well as by the authors. + +In Stockholm, the following year, we listened to +several of the most interesting women speakers in +the world--Selma Lagerlof, who had just received +the Nobel prize, Rosica Schwimmer of Hungary, +Dr. Augsburg of Munich, and Mrs. Philip Snowden +of England. Miss Schwimmer and Mrs. Snowden +have since become familiar to American audiences, +but until that time I had not heard either of them, +and I was immensely impressed by their ability and +their different methods--Miss Schwimmer being all +force and fire, alive from her feet to her finger-tips, +Mrs. Snowden all quiet reserve and dignity. Dr. +Augsburg wore her hair short and dressed in a most +eccentric manner; but we forgot her appearance as +we listened to her, for she was an inspired speaker. + +Selma Lagerlof's speech made the great audience +weep. Men as well as women openly wiped their +eyes as she described the sacrifice and suffering of +Swedish women whose men had gone to America +to make a home there, and who, when they were +left behind, struggled alone, waiting and hoping for +the message to join their husbands, which too often +never came. The speech made so great an impres- +sion that we had it translated and distributed among +the Swedes of the United States wherever we held +meetings in Swedish localities. + +Miss Lagerlof interested me extremely, and I was +delighted by an invitation to breakfast with her one +morning. At our first meeting she had seemed +rather cold and shy--a little ``difficult,'' as we say; +but when we began to talk I found her frank, cor- +dial, and full of magnetism. She is self-conscious +about her English, but really speaks our language +very well. Her great interest at the time was in +improving the condition of the peasants near her +home. She talked of this work and of her books +and of the Council programme with such friendly in- +timacy that when we parted I felt that I had always +known her. + +At the Hague Council in 1913 I was the guest of +Mrs. Richard Halter, to whom I am also indebted +for a beautiful and wonderful motor journey from +end to end of Holland, bringing up finally in Amster- +dam at the home of Dr. Aletta Jacobs. Here we +met two young Holland women, Miss Boissevain and +Rosa Manus, both wealthy, both anxious to help +their countrywomen, but still a little uncertain as +to the direction of their efforts. They came to Mrs. +Catt and me and asked our advice as to what they +should do, with the result that later they organized +and put through, largely unaided, a national ex- +position showing the development of women's work +from 1813 to 1913. The suffrage-room at this ex- +position showed the progress of suffrage in all parts +of the world; but when the Queen of Holland visited +the building she expressed a wish not to be detained +in this room, as she was not interested in suffrage. +The Prince Consort, however, spent much time in it, +and wanted the whole suffrage movement explained +to him, which was done cheerfully and thoroughly +by Miss Boissevain and Miss Manus. The fol- +lowing winter, when the Queen read her address +from the throne, she expressed an interest in so +changing the Constitution of Holland that suffrage +might possibly be extended to women. We felt that +this change of heart was due to the suffrage-room +arranged by our two young friends--aided, prob- +ably, by a few words from the Prince Consort! + +Immediately after these days at Amsterdam we +started for Budapest to attend the International +Alliance Convention there, and incidentally we in- +dulged in a series of two-day conventions en route-- +one at Berlin, one at Dresden, one at Prague, and +one at Vienna. At Prague I disgraced myself by +being in my hotel room in a sleep of utter exhaustion +at the hour when I was supposed to be responding +to an address of welcome by the mayor; and the +high-light of the evening session in that city falls on +the intellectual brow of a Bohemian lady who in- +sisted on making her address in the Czech language, +which she poured forth for exactly one hour and +fifteen minutes. I began my address at a quarter of +twelve and left the hall at midnight. Later I learned +that the last speaker began her remarks at a quarter +past one in the morning. + +It may be in order to add here that Vienna did +for me what Berlin had done for Susan B. Anthony-- +it gave me the ovation of my life. At the conclusion +of my speech the great audience rose and, still stand- +ing, cheered for many minutes. I was immensely +surprised and deeply touched by the unexpected +tribute; but any undue elation I might have ex- +perienced was checked by the memory of the skepti- +cal snort with which one of my auditors had received +me. He was very German, and very, very frank. +After one pained look at me he rose to leave the +hall. + +``THAT old woman!'' he exclaimed. ``She cannot +make herself heard.'' + +He was half-way down the aisle when the opening +words of my address caught up with him and stopped +him. Whatever their meaning may have been, it +was at least carried to the far ends of that great hall, +for the old fellow had piqued me a bit and I had +given my voice its fullest volume. He crowded into +an already over-occupied pew and stared at me with +goggling eyes. + +``Mein Gott!'' he gasped. ``Mein Gott, she could +be heard ANYWHERE.'' + +The meeting at Budapest was a great personal +triumph for Mrs. Catt. No one, I am sure, but the +almost adored president of the International Suf- +frage Alliance could have controlled a convention +made up of women of so many different nationalities, +with so many different viewpoints, while the con- +fusion of languages made a general understanding +seem almost hopeless. But it was a great success in +every way--and a delightful feature of it was the +hospitality of the city officials and, indeed, of the +whole Hungarian people. After the convention I +spent a week with the Contessa Iska Teleki in her +chateau in the Tatra Mountains, and a friendship +was there formed which ever since has been a joy +to me. Together we walked miles over the moun- +tains and along the banks of wonderful streams, while +the countess, who knows all the folk-lore of her +land, told me stories and answered my innumerable +questions. When I left for Vienna I took with me +a basket of tiny fir-trees from the tops of the Tatras; +and after carrying the basket to and around Vienna, +Florence, and Genoa, I finally got the trees home in +good condition and proudly added them to the +``Forest of Arden'' on my place at Moylan. + + + + +XVII + +VALE! + +In looking back over the ten years of my adminis- +tration as president of the National American +Woman Suffrage Association, there can be no feeling +but gratitude and elation over the growth of the +work. Our membership has grown from 17,000 +women to more than 200,000, and the number +of auxiliary societies has increased in propor- +tion. + +Instead of the old-time experience of one campaign +in ten years, we now have from five to ten campaigns +each year. From an original yearly expenditure of +$14,000 or $15,000 in our campaign work, we now +expend from $40,000 to $50,000. In New York, in +1915, we have already received pledges of $150,000 +for the New York State campaign alone, while +Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and New Jersey have +made pledges in proportion. + +In 1906 full suffrage prevailed in four states; +we now have it in twelve. Our movement has +advanced from its academic stage until it has +become a vital political factor; no reform in the +country is more heralded by the press or receives +more attention from the public. It has become +an issue which engages the attention of the entire +nation--and toward this result every woman work- +ing for the Cause has contributed to an inspiring +degree. Splendid team-work, and that alone, has +made our present success possible and our eventual +triumph in every state inevitable. Every officer +in our organization, every leader in our campaigns, +every speaker, every worker in the ranks, however +humble, has done her share. + +I do not claim anything so fantastic and Utopian +as universal harmony among us. We have had our +troubles and our differences. I have had mine. +At every annual convention since the one at Wash- +ington in 1910 there has been an effort to depose +me from the presidency. There have been some +splendid fighters among my opponents--fine and +high-minded women who sincerely believe that at +sixty-eight I am getting too old for my big job. +Possibly I am. Certainly I shall resign it with +alacrity when the majority of women in the organiza- +tion wish me to do so. At present a large majority +proves annually that it still has faith in my leader- +ship, and with this assurance I am content to +work on. + +Looking back over the period covered by these +reminiscences, I realize that there is truth in the +grave charge that I am no longer young; and this +truth was once voiced by one of my little nieces in +a way that brought it strongly home to me. She +and her small sister of six had declared themselves +suffragettes, and as the first result of their conver- +sion to the Cause both had been laughed at by their +schoolmates. The younger child came home after +this tragic experience, weeping bitterly and declar- +ing that she did not wish to be a suffragette any +more--an exhibition of apostasy for which her wise +sister of eight took her roundly to task. + +``Aren't you ashamed of yourself,'' she demanded, +``to stop just because you have been laughed at +once? Look at Aunt Anna! SHE has been laughed +at for hundreds of years!'' + +I sometimes feel that it has indeed been hundreds +of years since my work began; and then again it +seems so brief a time that, by listening for a +moment, I fancy I can hear the echo of my child- +ish-voice preaching to the trees in the Michigan +woods. + +But long or short, the one sure thing is that, taking +it all in all, the struggles, the discouragements, the +failures, and the little victories, the fight has been, +as Susan B. Anthony said in her last hours, ``worth +while.'' Nothing bigger can come to a human being +than to love a great Cause more than life itself, and +to have the privilege throughout life of working for +that Cause. + +As for life's other gifts, I have had some of them, +too. I have made many friendships; I have looked +upon the beauty of many lands; I have the assur- +ance of the respect and affection of thousands of +men and women I have never even met. Though I +have given all I had, I have received a thousand +times more than I have given. Neither the world +nor my Cause is indebted to me but from the depths +of a full and very grateful heart I acknowledge my +lasting indebtedness to them both. + +THE END + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Story of a Pioneer + + diff --git a/old/stpio10.zip b/old/stpio10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ab5831 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/stpio10.zip |