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@@ -0,0 +1,8754 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Story of a Pioneer, by Anna Howard Shaw + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Story of a Pioneer + With The Collaboration Of Elizabeth Jordan + +Author: Anna Howard Shaw + +Posting Date: July 11, 2008 [EBook #354] +Release Date: November 12, 1995 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STORY OF A PIONEER *** + + + + +Produced by Mike Lough + + + + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER + +By Anna Howard Shaw, D.D., M.D. + +With The Collaboration Of Elizabeth Jordan + + +TO THE WOMEN PIONEERS OF AMERICA + + They cut a path through tangled underwood + Of old traditions, out to broader ways. + They lived to here their work called brave and good, + But oh! the thorns before the crown of bays. + The world gives lashes to its Pioneers + Until the goal is reached--then deafening cheers. + + Adapted by ANNA HOWARD SHAW. + + + + +CONTENTS + + +I. FIRST MEMORIES + +II. IN THE WILDERNESS + +III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES + +VII. THE GREAT CAUSE + +VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE FIELD + +IX. "AUNT SUSAN" + +X. THE PASSING OF "AUNT SUSAN" + +XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +XII. BUILDING A HOME + +XIII. PRESIDENT OF "THE NATIONAL" + +XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES + +XVII. VALE! + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW IN HER PULPIT ROBES + +LOCH-AN-EILAN CASTLE + +DR SHAW'S MOTHER, NICOLAS SHAW, AT SEVENTEEN + +ALNWICK CASTLE + +DR. SHAW AT THIRTY-TWO + +DR. SHAW AT FIFTY + +DR. SHAW AND "HER BABY"--THE DAUGHTER OF RACHEL FOSTER AVERY + +DR. SHAW'S MOTHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S FATHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S SISTER MARY, WHO DIED IN 1883 + +LUCY E. ANTHONY, DR. SHAW S FRIEND AND "AUNT SUSAN'S" +FAVORITE NIECE + +THE WOOD ROAD NEAR DR. SHAW'S CAPE COD HOME, THE HAVEN + +DR. SHAW'S COTTAGE, THE HAVEN, AT WIANNO, CAPE +COD--THE FIRST HOME SHE BUILT + +GATE ENTRANCE TO DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +THE SECOND HOUSE THAT DR. SHAW BUILT + +SUSAN B. ANTHONY + +MISS MARY GARRETT, THE LIFE-LONG FRIEND OF MISS THOMAS + +MISS M. CAREY THOMAS, PRESIDENT OF BRYN MAWR COLLEGE + +ELIZABETH CADY STANTON + +CARRIE CHAPMAN CATT + +LUCY STONE + +MARY A. LIVERMORE + +FOUR PIONEERS IN THE SUFFRAGE MOVEMENT + +FIREPLACE IN THE LIVING-ROOM, SHOWING AUNT +SUSAN'S" CHAIR + +HALLWAY IN DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +DR. SHAW'S HOME (ALNWICK LODGE) AND HER TWO OAKS + +THE VERANDA AT ALNWICK LODGE + +SACCAWAGEA + +ALNWICK LODGE, DR. SHAW'S HOME + +THE ROCK-BORDERED BROOK WHICH DR. SHAW LOVES + + + + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER + + + + +I. FIRST MEMORIES + +My father's ancestors were the Shaws of Rothiemurchus, in Scotland, +and the ruins of their castle may still be seen on the island of +Loch-an-Eilan, in the northern Highlands. It was never the picturesque +castle of song and story, this home of the fighting Shaws, but an +austere fortress, probably built in Roman times; and even to-day the +crumbling walls which alone are left of it show traces of the relentless +assaults upon them. Of these the last and the most successful were made +in the seventeenth century by the Grants and Rob Roy; and it was into +the hands of the Grants that the Shaw fortress finally fell, about 1700, +after almost a hundred years of ceaseless warfare. + +It gives me no pleasure to read the grisly details of their struggles, +but I confess to a certain satisfaction in the knowledge that my +ancestors made a good showing in the defense of what was theirs. Beyond +doubt they were brave fighters and strong men. There were other sides to +their natures, however, which the high lights of history throw up +less appealingly. As an instance, we have in the family chronicles the +blood-stained page of Allen Shaw, the oldest son of the last Lady Shaw +who lived in the fortress. It appears that when the father of this +young man died, about 1560, his mother married again, to the intense +disapproval of her son. For some time after the marriage he made no open +revolt against the new-comer in the domestic circle; but finally, on the +pretext that his dog had been attacked by his stepfather, he forced a +quarrel with the older man and the two fought a duel with swords, after +which the victorious Allen showed a sad lack of chivalry. He not only +killed his stepfather, but he cut off that gentleman's head and bore it +to his mother in her bedchamber--an action which was considered, even in +that tolerant age, to be carrying filial resentment too far. + +Probably Allen regretted it. Certainly he paid a high penalty for it, +and his clan suffered with him. He was outlawed and fled, only to be +hunted down for months, and finally captured and executed by one of the +Grants, who, in further virtuous disapproval of Allen's act, seized and +held the Shaw stronghold. The other Shaws of the clan fought long and +ably for its recovery, but though they were helped by their kinsmen, the +Mackintoshes, and though good Scotch blood dyed the gray walls of the +fortress for many generations, the castle never again came into the +hands of the Shaws. It still entails certain obligations for the Grants, +however, and one of these is to give the King of England a snowball +whenever he visits Loch-an-Eilan! + +As the years passed the Shaw clan scattered. Many Shaws are still to be +found in the Mackintosh country and throughout southern Scotland. Others +went to England, and it was from this latter branch that my father +sprang. His name was Thomas Shaw, and he was the younger son of a +gentleman--a word which in those days seemed to define a man who devoted +his time largely to gambling and horse-racing. My grandfather, like his +father before him, was true to the traditions of his time and class. +Quite naturally and simply he squandered all he had, and died abruptly, +leaving his wife and two sons penniless. They were not, however, a +helpless band. They, too, had their traditions, handed down by the +fighting Shaws. Peter, the older son, became a soldier, and died bravely +in the Crimean War. My father, through some outside influence, turned +his attention to trade, learning to stain and emboss wallpaper by hand, +and developing this work until he became the recognized expert in +his field. Indeed, he progressed until he himself checked his rise by +inventing a machine that made his handwork unnecessary. His employer at +once claimed and utilized this invention, to which, by the laws of those +days, he was entitled, and thus the cornerstone on which my father had +expected to build a fortune proved the rock on which his career was +wrecked. But that was years later, in America, and many other things had +happened first. + +For one, he had temporarily dropped his trade and gone into the +flour-and-grain business; and, for another, he had married my mother. +She was the daughter of a Scotch couple who had come to England and +settled in Alnwick, in Northumberland County. Her father, James Stott, +was the driver of the royal-mail stage between Alnwick and Newcastle, +and his accidental death while he was still a young man left my +grandmother and her eight children almost destitute. She was immediately +given a position in the castle of the Duke of Northumberland, and +her sons were educated in the duke's school, while her daughters were +entered in the school of the duchess. + +My thoughts dwell lovingly on this grandmother, Nicolas Grant Stott, for +she was a remarkable woman, with a dauntless soul and progressive ideas +far in advance of her time. She was one of the first Unitarians in +England, and years before any thought of woman suffrage entered the +minds of her country-women she refused to pay tithes to the support of +the Church of England--an action which precipitated a long-drawn-out +conflict between her and the law. In those days it was customary to +assess tithes on every pane of glass in a window, and a portion of the +money thus collected went to the support of the Church. Year after year +my intrepid grandmother refused to pay these assessments, and year after +year she sat pensively upon her door-step, watching articles of her +furniture being sold for money to pay her tithes. It must have been +an impressive picture, and it was one with which the community became +thoroughly familiar, as the determined old lady never won her fight and +never abandoned it. She had at least the comfort of public sympathy, for +she was by far the most popular woman in the countryside. Her neighbors +admired her courage; perhaps they appreciated still more what she did +for them, for she spent all her leisure in the homes of the very poor, +mending their clothing and teaching them to sew. Also, she left behind +her a path of cleanliness as definite as the line of foam that follows +a ship; for it soon became known among her protegees that Nicolas Stott +was as much opposed to dirt as she was to the payment of tithes. + +She kept her children in the schools of the duke and duchess until they +had completed the entire course open to them. A hundred times, and among +many new scenes and strange people, I have heard my mother describe her +own experiences as a pupil. All the children of the dependents of the +castle were expected to leave school at fourteen years of age. During +their course they were not allowed to study geography, because, in the +sage opinion of their elders, knowledge of foreign lands might make +them discontented and inclined to wander. Neither was composition +encouraged--that might lead to the writing of love-notes! But they were +permitted to absorb all the reading and arithmetic their little brains +could hold, while the art of sewing was not only encouraged, but +proficiency in it was stimulated by the award of prizes. My mother, +being a rather precocious young person, graduated at thirteen and +carried off the first prize. The garment she made was a linen chemise +for the duchess, and the little needlewoman had embroidered on it, with +her own hair, the august lady's coat of arms. The offering must have +been appreciated, for my mother's story always ended with the same +words, uttered with the same air of gentle pride, "And the duchess +gave me with her own hands my Bible and my mug of beer!" She never saw +anything amusing in this association of gifts, and I always stood behind +her when she told the incident, that she might not see the disrespectful +mirth it aroused in me. + +My father and mother met in Alnwick, and were married in February, 1835. +Ten years after his marriage father was forced into bankruptcy by the +passage of the corn law, and to meet the obligations attending +his failure he and my mother sold practically everything they +possessed--their home, even their furniture. Their little sons, who were +away at school, were brought home, and the family expenses were cut down +to the barest margin; but all these sacrifices paid only part of the +debts. My mother, finding that her early gift had a market value, took +in sewing. Father went to work on a small salary, and both my parents +saved every penny they could lay aside, with the desperate determination +to pay their remaining debts. It was a long struggle and a painful one, +but they finally won it. Before they had done so, however, and during +their bleakest days, their baby died, and my mother, like her mother +before her, paid the penalty of being outside the fold of the Church of +England. She, too, was a Unitarian, and her baby, therefore, could not +be laid in any consecrated burial-ground in her neighborhood. She had +either to bury it in the Potter's Field, with criminals, suicides, and +paupers, or to take it by stage-coach to Alnwick, twenty miles away, and +leave it in the little Unitarian churchyard where, after her strenuous +life, Nicolas Stott now lay in peace. She made the dreary journey alone, +with the dear burden across her lap. + +In 1846, my parents went to London. There they did not linger long, +for the big, indifferent city had nothing to offer them. They moved +to Newcastle-on-Tyne, and here I was born, on the fourteenth day of +February, in 1847. Three boys and two girls had preceded me in the +family circle, and when I was two years old my younger sister came. We +were little better off in Newcastle than in London, and now my father +began to dream the great dream of those days. He would go to America. +Surely, he felt, in that land of infinite promise all would be well with +him and his. He waited for the final payment of his debts and for my +younger sister's birth. Then he bade us good-by and sailed away to make +an American home for us; and in the spring of 1851 my mother followed +him with her six children, starting from Liverpool in a sailing-vessel, +the John Jacob Westervelt. + +I was then little more than four years old, and the first vivid memory +I have is that of being on shipboard and having a mighty wave roll +over me. I was lying on what seemed to be an enormous red box under a +hatchway, and the water poured from above, almost drowning me. This was +the beginning of a storm which raged for days, and I still have of it a +confused memory, a sort of nightmare, in which strange horrors figure, +and which to this day haunts me at intervals when I am on the sea. The +thing that stands out most strongly during that period is the white face +of my mother, ill in her berth. We were with five hundred emigrants on +the lowest deck of the ship but one, and as the storm grew wilder an +unreasoning terror filled our fellow-passengers. Too ill to protect her +helpless brood, my mother saw us carried away from her for hours at a +time, on the crests of waves of panic that sometimes approached her +and sometimes receded, as they swept through the black hole in which +we found ourselves when the hatches were nailed down. No madhouse, I am +sure, could throw more hideous pictures on the screen of life than +those which met our childish eyes during the appalling three days of the +storm. Our one comfort was the knowledge that our mother was not afraid. +She was desperately ill, but when we were able to reach her, to cling +close to her for a blessed interval, she was still the sure refuge she +had always been. + +On the second day the masts went down, and on the third day the disabled +ship, which now had sprung a leak and was rolling helplessly in the +trough of the sea, was rescued by another ship and towed back to +Queenstown, the nearest port. The passengers, relieved of their +anxieties, went from their extreme of fear to an equal extreme of +drunken celebration. They laughed, sang, and danced, but when we reached +the shore many of them returned to the homes they had left, declaring +that they had had enough of the ocean. We, however, remained on the ship +until she was repaired, and then sailed on her again. We were too poor +to return home; indeed, we had no home to which we could return. We were +even too poor to live ashore. But we made some penny excursions in the +little boats that plied back and forth, and to us children at least +the weeks of waiting were not without interest. Among other places we +visited Spike Island, where the convicts were, and for hours we watched +the dreary shuttle of labor swing back and forth as the convicts carried +pails of water from one side of the island, only to empty them into the +sea at the other side. It was merely "busy work," to keep them occupied +at hard labor; but even then I must have felt some dim sense of the +irony of it, for I have remembered it vividly all these years. + +Our second voyage on the John Jacob Westervelt was a very different +experience from the first. By day a glorious sun shone overhead; by +night we had the moon and stars, as well as the racing waves we never +wearied of watching. For some reason, probably because of my intense +admiration for them, which I showed with unmaidenly frankness, I became +the special pet of the sailors. They taught me to sing their songs +as they hauled on their ropes, and I recall, as if I had learned it +yesterday, one pleasing ditty: + + Haul on the bow-line, + Kitty is my darling, + Haul on the bow-line, + The bow-line--HAUL! + +When I sang "haul" all the sailors pulled their hardest, and I had +an exhilarating sense of sharing in their labors. As a return for my +service of song the men kept my little apron full of ship sugar--very +black stuff and probably very bad for me; but I ate an astonishing +amount of it during that voyage, and, so far as I remember, felt no ill +effects. + +The next thing I recall is being seriously scalded. I was at the foot +of a ladder up which a sailor was carrying a great pot of hot coffee. He +slipped, and the boiling liquid poured down on me. I must have had some +bad days after that, for I was terribly burned, but they are mercifully +vague. My next vivid impression is of seeing land, which we sighted at +sunset, and I remember very distinctly just how it looked. It has never +looked the same since. The western sky was a mass of crimson and gold +clouds, which took on the shapes of strange and beautiful things. To +me it seemed that we were entering heaven. I remember also the doctors +coming on board to examine us, and I can still see a line of big +Irishmen standing very straight and holding out their tongues for +inspection. To a little girl only four years old their huge, open mouths +looked appalling. + +On landing a grievous disappointment awaited us; my father did not +meet us. He was in New Bedford, Massachusetts, nursing his grief and +preparing to return to England, for he had been told that the John Jacob +Westervelt had been lost at sea with every soul on board. One of the +missionaries who met the ship took us under his wing and conducted us +to a little hotel, where we remained until father had received his +incredible news and rushed to New York. He could hardly believe that +we were really restored to him; and even now, through the mists of more +than half a century, I can still see the expression in his wet eyes as +he picked me up and tossed me into the air. + +I can see, too, the toys he brought me--a little saw and a hatchet, +which became the dearest treasures of my childish days. They were +fatidical gifts, that saw and hatchet; in the years ahead of me I was to +use tools as well as my brothers did, as I proved when I helped to build +our frontier home. + +We went to New Bedford with father, who had found work there at his old +trade; and here I laid the foundations of my first childhood friendship, +not with another child, but with my next-door neighbor, a ship-builder. +Morning after morning this man swung me on his big shoulder and took +me to his shipyard, where my hatchet and saw had violent exercise as I +imitated the workers around me. Discovering that my tiny petticoats were +in my way, my new friend had a little boy's suit made for me; and thus +emancipated, at this tender age, I worked unwearyingly at his side all +day long and day after day. No doubt it was due to him that I did not +casually saw off a few of my toes and fingers. Certainly I smashed them +often enough with blows of my dull but active hatchet. I was very, very +busy; and I have always maintained that I began to earn my share of the +family's living at the age of five--for in return for the delights of my +society, which seemed never to pall upon him, my new friend allowed my +brothers to carry home from the shipyard all the wood my mother could +use. + +We remained in New Bedford less than a year, for in the spring of +1852 my father made another change, taking his family to Lawrence, +Massachusetts, where we lived until 1859. The years in Lawrence were +interesting and formative ones. At the tender age of nine and ten I +became interested in the Abolition movement. We were Unitarians, and +General Oliver and many of the prominent citizens of Lawrence belonged +to the Unitarian Church. We knew Robert Shaw, who led the first negro +regiment, and Judge Storrow, one of the leading New England judges of +his time, as well as the Cabots and George A. Walton, who was the author +of Walton's Arithmetic and head of the Lawrence schools. Outbursts of +war talk thrilled me, and occasionally I had a little adventure of my +own, as when one day, in visiting our cellar, I heard a noise in the +coal-bin. I investigated and discovered a negro woman concealed there. +I had been reading Uncle Tom's Cabin, as well as listening to the +conversation of my elders, so I was vastly stirred over the negro +question. I raced up-stairs in a condition of awe-struck and quivering +excitement, which my mother promptly suppressed by sending me to bed. No +doubt she questioned my youthful discretion, for she almost convinced +me that I had seen nothing at all--almost, but not quite; and she wisely +kept me close to her for several days, until the escaped slave my father +was hiding was safely out of the house and away. Discovery of this +serious offense might have borne grave results for him. + +It was in Lawrence, too, that I received and spent my first twenty-five +cents. I used an entire day in doing this, and the occasion was one of +the most delightful and memorable of my life. It was the Fourth of July, +and I was dressed in white and rode in a procession. My sister Mary, who +also graced the procession, had also been given twenty-five cents; and +during the parade, when, for obvious reasons, we were unable to break +ranks and spend our wealth, the consciousness of it lay heavily upon +us. When we finally began our shopping the first place we visited was a +candy store, and I recall distinctly that we forced the weary proprietor +to take down and show us every jar in the place before we spent one +penny. The first banana I ever ate was purchased that day, and I +hesitated over it a long time. Its cost was five cents, and in view of +that large expenditure, the eating of the fruit, I was afraid, would be +too brief a joy. I bought it, however, and the experience developed into +a tragedy, for, not knowing enough to peel the banana, I bit through +skin and pulp alike, as if I were eating an apple, and then burst into +ears of disappointment. The beautiful conduct of my sister Mary shines +down through the years. She, wise child, had taken no chances with the +unknown; but now, moved by my despair, she bought half of my banana, +and we divided the fruit, the loss, and the lesson. Fate, moreover, had +another turn of the screw for us, for, after Mary had taken a bite of +it, we gave what was left of the banana to a boy who stood near us and +who knew how to eat it; and not even the large amount of candy in our +sticky hands enabled us to regard with calmness the subsequent happiness +of that little boy. + +Another experience with fruit in Lawrence illustrates the ideas of my +mother and the character of the training she gave her children. Our +neighbors, the Cabots, were one day giving a great garden party, and +my sister was helping to pick strawberries for the occasion. When I was +going home from school I passed the berry-patches and stopped to speak +to my sister, who at once presented me with two strawberries. She said +Mrs. Cabot had told her to eat all she wanted, but that she would eat +two less than she wanted and give those two to me. To my mind, the +suggestion was generous and proper; in my life strawberries were rare. +I ate one berry, and then, overcome by an ambition to be generous also, +took the other berry home to my mother, telling her how I had got it. To +my chagrin, mother was deeply shocked. She told me that the transaction +was all wrong, and she made me take back the berry and explain the +matter to Mrs. Cabot. By the time I reached that generous lady the berry +was the worse for its journey, and so was I. I was only nine years old +and very sensitive. It was clear to me that I could hardly live through +the humiliation of the confession, and it was indeed a bitter experience +the worst, I think, in my young life, though Mrs. Cabot was both +sympathetic and understanding. She kissed me, and sent a quart of +strawberries to my mother; but for a long time afterward I could not +meet her kind eyes, for I believed that in her heart she thought me a +thief. + +My second friendship, and one which had a strong influence on my +after-life, was formed in Lawrence. I was not more than ten years old +when I met this new friend, but the memory of her in after-years, and +the impression she had made on my susceptible young mind, led me first +into the ministry, next into medicine, and finally into suffrage-work. +Living next door to us, on Prospect Hill, was a beautiful and mysterious +woman. All we children knew of her was that she was a vivid and romantic +figure, who seemed to have no friends and of whom our elders spoke in +whispers or not at all. To me she was a princess in a fairy-tale, for +she rode a white horse and wore a blue velvet riding-habit with a blue +velvet hat and a picturesquely drooping white plume. I soon learned at +what hours she went forth to ride, and I used to hover around our gate +for the joy of seeing her mount and gallop away. I realized that there +was something unusual about her house, and I had an idea that the prince +was waiting for her somewhere in the far distance, and that for the time +at least she had escaped the ogre in the castle she left behind. I was +wrong about the prince, but right about the ogre. It was only when my +unhappy lady left her castle that she was free. + +Very soon she noticed me. Possibly she saw the adoration in my childish +eyes. She began to nod and smile at me, and then to speak to me, but at +first I was almost afraid to answer her. There were stories now among +the children that the house was haunted, and that by night a ghost +walked there and in the grounds. I felt an extraordinary interest in +the ghost, and I spent hours peering through our picket fence, trying +to catch a glimpse of it; but I hesitated to be on terms of neighborly +intimacy with one who dwelt with ghosts. + +One day the mysterious lady bent and kissed me. Then, straightening up, +she looked at me queerly and said: "Go and tell your mother I did that." +There was something very compelling in her manner. I knew at once that I +must tell my mother what she had done, and I ran into our house and did +so. While my mother was considering the problem the situation presented, +for she knew the character of the house next door, a note was handed in +to her--a very pathetic little note from my mysterious lady, asking my +mother to let me come and see her. Long afterward mother showed it to +me. It ended with the words: "She will see no one but me. No harm shall +come to her. Trust me." + +That night my parents talked the matter over and decided to let me go. +Probably they felt that the slave next door was as much to be pitied as +the escaped-negro slaves they so often harbored in our home. I made my +visit, which was the first of many, and a strange friendship began and +developed between the woman of the town and the little girl she loved. +Some of those visits I remember as vividly as if I had made them +yesterday. There was never the slightest suggestion during any of them +of things I should not see or hear, for while I was with her my hostess +became a child again, and we played together like children. She had +wonderful toys for me, and pictures and books; but the thing I loved +best of all and played with for hours was a little stuffed hen which she +told me had been her dearest treasure when she was a child at home. She +had also a stuffed puppy, and she once mentioned that those two things +alone were left of her life as a little girl. Besides the toys and books +and pictures, she gave me ice-cream and cake, and told me fairy-tales. +She had a wonderful understanding of what a child likes. There were half +a dozen women in the house with her, but I saw none of them nor any of +the men who came. + +Once, when we had become very good friends indeed and my early shyness +had departed, I found courage to ask her where the ghost was--the ghost +that haunted her house. I can still see the look in her eyes as they +met mine. She told me the ghost lived in her heart, and that she did +not like to talk about it, and that we must not speak of it again. After +that I never mentioned it, but I was more deeply interested than ever, +for a ghost that lived in a heart was a new kind of ghost to me at +that time, though I have met many of them since then. During all our +intercourse my mother never entered the house next door, nor did my +mysterious lady enter our home; but she constantly sent my mother secret +gifts for the poor and the sick of the neighborhood, and she was always +the first to offer help for those who were in trouble. Many years +afterward mother told me she was the most generous woman she had ever +known, and that she had a rarely beautiful nature. Our departure for +Michigan broke up the friendship, but I have never forgotten her; and +whenever, in my later work as minister, physician, and suffragist, I +have been able to help women of the class to which she belonged, I have +mentally offered that help for credit in the tragic ledger of her life, +in which the clean and the blotted pages were so strange a contrast. + +One more incident of Lawrence I must describe before I leave that city +behind me, as we left it for ever in 1859. While we were still there +a number of Lawrence men decided to go West, and amid great public +excitement they departed in a body for Kansas, where they founded the +town of Lawrence in that state. I recall distinctly the public interest +which attended their going, and the feeling every one seemed to have +that they were passing forever out of the civilized world. Their +farewells to their friends were eternal; no one expected to see them +again, and my small brain grew dizzy as I tried to imagine a place so +remote as their destination. It was, I finally decided, at the +uttermost ends of the earth, and it seemed quite possible that the brave +adventurers who reached it might then drop off into space. Fifty years +later I was talking to a California girl who complained lightly of the +monotony of a climate where the sun shone and the flowers bloomed all +the year around. "But I had a delightful change last year," she added, +with animation. "I went East for the winter." + +"To New York?" I asked. + +"No," corrected the California girl, easily, "to Lawrence, Kansas." + +Nothing, I think, has ever made me feel quite so old as that remark. +That in my life, not yet, to me at least, a long one, I should see such +an arc described seemed actually oppressive until I realized that, +after all, the arc was merely a rainbow of time showing how gloriously +realized were the hopes of the Lawrence pioneers. + +The move to Michigan meant a complete upheaval in our lives. In Lawrence +we had around us the fine flower of New England civilization. We +children went to school; our parents, though they were in very humble +circumstances, were associated with the leading spirits and the +big movements of the day. When we went to Michigan we went to the +wilderness, to the wild pioneer life of those times, and we were all old +enough to keenly feel the change. + +My father was one of a number of Englishmen who took up tracts in the +northern forests of Michigan, with the old dream of establishing a +colony there. None of these men had the least practical knowledge +of farming. They were city men or followers of trades which had +no connection with farm life. They went straight into the thick +timber-land, instead of going to the rich and waiting prairies, and they +crowned this initial mistake by cutting down the splendid timber instead +of letting it stand. Thus bird's-eye maple and other beautiful woods +were used as fire-wood and in the construction of rude cabins, and the +greatest asset of the pioneers was ignored. + +Father preceded us to the Michigan woods, and there, with his oldest +son, James, took up a claim. They cleared a space in the wilderness just +large enough for a log cabin, and put up the bare walls of the cabin +itself. Then father returned to Lawrence and his work, leaving James +behind. A few months later (this was in 1859), my mother, my two +sisters, Eleanor and Mary, my youngest brother, Henry, eight years of +age, and I, then twelve, went to Michigan to work on and hold down the +claim while father, for eighteen months longer, stayed on in Lawrence, +sending us such remittances as he could. His second and third sons, John +and Thomas, remained in the East with him. + +Every detail of our journey through the wilderness is clear in my mind. +At that time the railroad terminated at Grand Rapids, Michigan, and +we covered the remaining distance--about one hundred miles--by wagon, +riding through a dense and often trackless forest. My brother James met +us at Grand Rapids with what, in those days, was called a lumber-wagon, +but which had a horrible resemblance to a vehicle from the health +department. My sisters and I gave it one cold look and turned from +it; we were so pained by its appearance that we refused to ride in it +through the town. Instead, we started off on foot, trying to look as if +we had no association with it, and we climbed into the unwieldy vehicle +only when the city streets were far behind us. Every available inch of +space in the wagon was filled with bedding and provisions. As yet we +had no furniture; we were to make that for ourselves when we reached +our cabin; and there was so little room for us to ride that we children +walked by turns, while James, from the beginning of the journey to its +end, seven days later, led our weary horses. + +To my mother, who was never strong, the whole experience must have been +a nightmare of suffering and stoical endurance. For us children there +were compensations. The expedition took on the character of a high +adventure, in which we sometimes had shelter and sometimes failed +to find it, sometimes were fed, but often went hungry. We forded +innumerable streams, the wheels of the heavy wagon sinking so deeply +into the stream-beds that we often had to empty our load before we could +get them out again. Fallen trees lay across our paths, rivers caused +long detours, while again and again we lost our way or were turned aside +by impenetrable forest tangles. + +Our first day's journey covered less than eight miles, and that night we +stopped at a farm-house which was the last bit of civilization we saw. +Early the next morning we were off again, making the slow progress due +to the rough roads and our heavy load. At night we stopped at a place +called Thomas's Inn, only to be told by the woman who kept it that +there was nothing in the house to eat. Her husband, she said, had gone +"outside" (to Grand Rapids) to get some flour, and had not returned--but +she added that we could spend the night, if we chose, and enjoy shelter, +if not food. We had provisions in our wagon, so we wearily entered, +after my brother had got out some of our pork and opened a barrel of +flour. With this help the woman made some biscuits, which were so green +that my poor mother could not eat them. She had admitted to us that +the one thing she had in the house was saleratus, and she had used this +ingredient with an unsparing hand. When the meal was eaten she broke the +further news that there were no beds. + +"The old woman can sleep with me," she suggested, "and the girls can +sleep on the floor. The boys will have to go to the barn." She and her +bed were not especially attractive, and mother decided to lie on the +floor with us. We had taken our bedding from the wagon, and we slept +very well; but though she was usually superior to small annoyances, I +think my mother resented being called an "old woman." She must have felt +like one that night, but she was only about forty-eight years of age. + +At dawn the next morning we resumed our journey, and every day after +that we were able to cover the distance demanded by the schedule +arranged before we started. This meant that some sort of shelter usually +awaited us at night. But one day we knew there would be no houses +between the place we left in the morning and that where we were to +sleep. The distance was about twenty miles, and when twilight fell we +had not made it. In the back of the wagon my mother had a box of little +pigs, and during the afternoon these had broken loose and escaped +into the woods. We had lost much time in finding them, and we were so +exhausted that when we came to a hut made of twigs and boughs we decided +to camp in it for the night, though we knew nothing about it. My brother +had unharnessed the horses, and my mother and sister were cooking +dough-god--a mixture of flour, water, and soda, fried in a pan-when two +men rode up on horseback and called my brother to one side. Immediately +after the talk which followed James harnessed his horses again and +forced us to go on, though by that time darkness had fallen. He told +mother, but did not tell us children until long afterward, that a man +had been murdered in the hut only the night before. The murderer was +still at large in the woods, and the new-comers were members of a posse +who were searching for him. My brother needed no urging to put as many +miles as he could between us and the sinister spot. + +In that fashion we made our way to our new home. The last day, like the +first, we traveled only eight miles, but we spent the night in a house +I shall never forget. It was beautifully clean, and for our evening meal +its mistress brought out loaves of bread which were the largest we had +ever seen. She cut great slices of this bread for us and spread maple +sugar on them, and it seemed to us that never before had anything tasted +so good. + +The next morning we made the last stage of our journey, our hearts +filled with the joy of nearing our new home. We all had an idea that we +were going to a farm, and we expected some resemblance at least to the +prosperous farms we had seen in New England. My mother's mental picture +was, naturally, of an English farm. Possibly she had visions of red +barns and deep meadows, sunny skies and daisies. What we found awaiting +us were the four walls and the roof of a good-sized log-house, standing +in a small cleared strip of the wilderness, its doors and windows +represented by square holes, its floor also a thing of the future, its +whole effect achingly forlorn and desolate. It was late in the afternoon +when we drove up to the opening that was its front entrance, and I shall +never forget the look my mother turned upon the place. Without a word +she crossed its threshold, and, standing very still, looked slowly +around her. Then something within her seemed to give way, and she sank +upon the ground. She could not realize even then, I think, that this was +really the place father had prepared for us, that here he expected us to +live. When she finally took it in she buried her face in her hands, and +in that way she sat for hours without moving or speaking. For the first +time in her life she had forgotten us; and we, for our part, dared not +speak to her. We stood around her in a frightened group, talking to one +another in whispers. Our little world had crumbled under our feet. Never +before had we seen our mother give way to despair. + +Night began to fall. The woods became alive with night creatures, and +the most harmless made the most noise. The owls began to hoot, and +soon we heard the wildcat, whose cry--a screech like that of a lost and +panic-stricken child--is one of the most appalling sounds of the forest. +Later the wolves added their howls to the uproar, but though darkness +came and we children whimpered around her, our mother still sat in her +strange lethargy. + +At last my brother brought the horses close to the cabin and built fires +to protect them and us. He was only twenty, but he showed himself a man +during those early pioneer days. While he was picketing the horses and +building his protecting fires my mother came to herself, but her face +when she raised it was worse than her silence had been. She seemed to +have died and to have returned to us from the grave, and I am sure she +felt that she had done so. From that moment she took up again the burden +of her life, a burden she did not lay down until she passed away; but +her face never lost the deep lines those first hours of her pioneer life +had cut upon it. + +That night we slept on boughs spread on the earth inside the cabin +walls, and we put blankets before the holes which represented our doors +and windows, and kept our watch-fires burning. Soon the other children +fell asleep, but there was no sleep for me. I was only twelve years old, +but my mind was full of fancies. Behind our blankets, swaying in the +night wind, I thought I saw the heads and pushing shoulders of animals +and heard their padded footfalls. Later years brought familiarity with +wild things, and with worse things than they. But to-night that which I +most feared was within, not outside of, the cabin. In some way which I +did not understand the one sure refuge in our new world had been taken +from us. I hardly knew the silent woman who lay near me, tossing from +side to side and staring into the darkness; I felt that we had lost our +mother. + + + + +II. IN THE WILDERNESS + +Like most men, my dear father should never have married. Though his +nature was one of the sweetest I have ever known, and though he would +at any call give his time to or risk his life for others, in practical +matters he remained to the end of his days as irresponsible as a child. +If his mind turned to practical details at all, it was solely in their +bearing toward great developments of the future. To him an acorn was not +an acorn, but a forest of young oaks. + +Thus, when he took up his claim of three hundred and sixty acres of +land in the wilderness of northern Michigan, and sent my mother and +five young children to live there alone until he could join us eighteen +months later, he gave no thought to the manner in which we were to make +the struggle and survive the hardships before us. He had furnished us +with land and the four walls of a log cabin. Some day, he reasoned, the +place would be a fine estate, which his sons would inherit and in +the course of time pass on to their sons--always an Englishman's most +iridescent dream. That for the present we were one hundred miles from +a railroad, forty miles from the nearest post-office, and half a dozen +miles from any neighbors save Indians, wolves, and wildcats; that we +were wholly unlearned in the ways of the woods as well as in the most +primitive methods of farming; that we lacked not only every comfort, but +even the bare necessities of life; and that we must begin, single-handed +and untaught, a struggle for existence in which some of the severest +forces of nature would be arrayed against us--these facts had no weight +in my father's mind. Even if he had witnessed my mother's despair on the +night of our arrival in our new home, he would not have understood it. +From his viewpoint, he was doing a man's duty. He was working steadily +in Lawrence, and, incidentally, giving much time to the Abolition cause +and to other big public movements of his day which had his interest and +sympathy. He wrote to us regularly and sent us occasional remittances, +as well as a generous supply of improving literature for our minds. +It remained for us to strengthen our bodies, to meet the conditions in +which he had placed us, and to survive if we could. + +We faced our situation with clear and unalarmed eyes the morning after +our arrival. The problem of food, we knew, was at least temporarily +solved. We had brought with us enough coffee, pork, and flour to last +for several weeks; and the one necessity father had put inside the cabin +walls was a great fireplace, made of mud and stones, in which our food +could be cooked. The problem of our water-supply was less simple, but +my brother James solved it for the time by showing us a creek a long +distance from the house; and for months we carried from this creek, in +pails, every drop of water we used, save that which we caught in troughs +when the rain fell. + +We held a family council after breakfast, and in this, though I was only +twelve, I took an eager and determined part. I loved work--it has +always been my favorite form of recreation--and my spirit rose to the +opportunities of it which smiled on us from every side. Obviously the +first thing to do was to put doors and windows into the yawning holes +father had left for them, and to lay a board flooring over the earth +inside our cabin walls, and these duties we accomplished before we had +occupied our new home a fortnight. There was a small saw-mill nine miles +from our cabin, on the spot that is now Big Rapids, and there we bought +our lumber. The labor we supplied ourselves, and though we put our +hearts into it and the results at the time seemed beautiful to our +partial eyes, I am forced to admit, in looking back upon them, that they +halted this side of perfection. We began by making three windows and two +doors; then, inspired by these achievements, we ambitiously constructed +an attic and divided the ground floor with partitions, which gave us +four rooms. + +The general effect was temperamental and sketchy. The boards which +formed the floor were never even nailed down; they were fine, wide +planks without a knot in them, and they looked so well that we merely +fitted them together as closely as we could and lightheartedly let them +go at that. Neither did we properly chink the house. Nothing is +more comfortable than a log cabin which has been carefully built and +finished; but for some reason--probably because there seemed always a +more urgent duty calling to us around the corner--we never plastered +our house at all. The result was that on many future winter mornings we +awoke to find ourselves chastely blanketed by snow, while the only warm +spot in our living-room was that directly in front of the fireplace, +where great logs burned all day. Even there our faces scorched while +our spines slowly congealed, until we learned to revolve before the fire +like a bird upon a spit. No doubt we would have worked more thoroughly +if my brother James, who was twenty years old and our tower of strength, +had remained with us; but when we had been in our new home only a few +months he fell and was forced to go East for an operation. He was never +able to return to us, and thus my mother, we three young girls, and my +youngest brother--Harry, who was only eight years old--made our fight +alone until father came to us, more than a year later. + +Mother was practically an invalid. She had a nervous affection which +made it impossible for her to stand without the support of a chair. But +she sewed with unusual skill, and it was due to her that our clothes, +notwithstanding the strain to which we subjected them, were always in +good condition. She sewed for hours every day, and she was able to move +about the house, after a fashion, by pushing herself around on a stool +which James made for her as soon as we arrived. He also built for her a +more comfortable chair with a high back. + +The division of labor planned at the first council was that mother +should do our sewing, and my older sisters, Eleanor and Mary, the +housework, which was far from taxing, for of course we lived in the +simplest manner. My brothers and I were to do the work out of doors, an +arrangement that suited me very well, though at first, owing to our lack +of experience, our activities were somewhat curtailed. It was too late +in the season for plowing or planting, even if we had possessed anything +with which to plow, and, moreover, our so-called "cleared" land was +thick with sturdy tree-stumps. Even during the second summer plowing was +impossible; we could only plant potatoes and corn, and follow the most +primitive method in doing even this. We took an ax, chopped up the sod, +put the seed under it, and let the seed grow. The seed did grow, too--in +the most gratifying and encouraging manner. Our green corn and potatoes +were the best I have ever eaten. But for the present we lacked these +luxuries. + +We had, however, in their place, large quantities of wild +fruit--gooseberries, raspberries, and plums--which Harry and I gathered +on the banks of our creek. Harry also became an expert fisherman. We +had no hooks or lines, but he took wires from our hoop-skirts and made +snares at the ends of poles. My part of this work was to stand on a +log and frighten the fish out of their holes by making horrible sounds, +which I did with impassioned earnestness. When the fish hurried to the +surface of the water to investigate the appalling noises they had heard, +they were easily snared by our small boy, who was very proud of his +ability to contribute in this way to the family table. + +During our first winter we lived largely on cornmeal, making a little +journey of twenty miles to the nearest mill to buy it; but even at that +we were better off than our neighbors, for I remember one family in our +region who for an entire winter lived solely on coarse-grained yellow +turnips, gratefully changing their diet to leeks when these came in the +spring. + +Such furniture as we had we made ourselves. In addition to my mother's +two chairs and the bunks which took the place of beds, James made a +settle for the living-room, as well as a table and several stools. At +first we had our tree-cutting done for us, but we soon became expert in +this gentle art, and I developed such skill that in later years, after +father came, I used to stand with him and "heart" a log. + +On every side, and at every hour of the day, we came up against the +relentless limitations of pioneer life. There was not a team of horses +in our entire region. The team with which my brother had driven us +through the wilderness had been hired at Grand Rapids for that occasion, +and, of course, immediately returned. Our lumber was delivered by +ox-teams, and the absolutely essential purchases we made "outside" (at +the nearest shops, forty miles away) were carried through the forest on +the backs of men. Our mail was delivered once a month by a carrier who +made the journey in alternate stages of horseback riding and canoeing. +But we had health, youth, enthusiasm, good appetites, and the +wherewithal to satisfy them, and at night in our primitive bunks we +sank into abysses of dreamless slumber such as I have never known since. +Indeed, looking back upon them, those first months seem to have been a +long-drawn-out and glorious picnic, interrupted only by occasional hours +of pain or panic, when we were hurt or frightened. + +Naturally, our two greatest menaces were wild animals and Indians, but +as the days passed the first of these lost the early terrors with which +we had associated them. We grew indifferent to the sounds that had made +our first night a horror to us all--there was even a certain homeliness +in them--while we regarded with accustomed, almost blase eyes the +various furred creatures of which we caught distant glimpses as they +slunk through the forest. Their experience with other settlers had +taught them caution; it soon became clear that they were as eager to +avoid us as we were to shun them, and by common consent we gave each +other ample elbow-room. But the Indians were all around us, and every +settler had a collection of hair-raising tales to tell of them. It was +generally agreed that they were dangerous only when they were drunk; +but as they were drunk whenever they could get whisky, and as whisky +was constantly given them in exchange for pelts and game, there was a +harrowing doubt in our minds whenever they approached us. + +In my first encounter with them I was alone in the woods at sunset with +my small brother Harry. We were hunting a cow James had bought, and our +young eyes were peering eagerly among the trees, on the alert for any +moving object. Suddenly, at a little distance, and coming directly +toward us, we saw a party of Indians. There were five of them, all men, +walking in single file, as noiselessly as ghosts, their moccasined feet +causing not even a rustle among the dry leaves that carpeted the woods. +All the horrible stories we had heard of Indian cruelty flashed into +our minds, and for a moment we were dumb with terror. Then I remembered +having been told that the one thing one must not do before them is to +show fear. Harry was carrying a rope with which we had expected to lead +home our reluctant cow, and I seized one end of it and whispered to him +that we would "play horse," pretending he was driving me. We pranced +toward the Indians on feet that felt like lead, and with eyes so glazed +by terror that we could see nothing save a line of moving figures; +but as we passed them they did not give to our little impersonation +of care-free children even the tribute of a side-glance. They were, +we realized, headed straight for our home; and after a few moments we +doubled on our tracks and, keeping at a safe distance from them among +the trees, ran back to warn our mother that they were coming. + +As it happened, James was away, and mother had to meet her unwelcome +guests supported only by her young children. She at once prepared a +meal, however, and when they arrived she welcomed them calmly and gave +them the best she had. After they had eaten they began to point at +and demand objects they fancied in the room--my brother's pipe, some +tobacco, a bowl, and such trifles--and my mother, who was afraid to +annoy them by refusal, gave them what they asked. They were quite +sober, and though they left without expressing any appreciation of her +hospitality, they made her a second visit a few months later, bringing a +large quantity of venison and a bag of cranberries as a graceful return. +These Indians were Ottawas; and later we became very friendly with them +and their tribe, even to the degree of attending one of their dances, +which I shall describe later. + +Our second encounter with Indians was a less agreeable experience. There +were seven "Marquette warriors" in the next group of callers, and they +were all intoxicated. Moreover, they had brought with them several jugs +of bad whisky--the raw and craze-provoking product supplied them by the +fur-dealers--and it was clear that our cabin was to be the scene of an +orgy. Fortunately, my brother James was at home on this occasion, and as +the evening grew old and the Indians, grouped together around the fire, +became more and more irresponsible, he devised a plan for our safety. +Our attic was finished, and its sole entrance was by a ladder through +a trap-door. At James's whispered command my sister Eleanor slipped up +into the attic, and from the back window let down a rope, to which he +tied all the weapons we had--his gun and several axes. These Eleanor +drew up and concealed in one of the bunks. My brother then directed that +as quietly as possible, and at long intervals, one member of the family +after another was to slip up the ladder and into the attic, going quite +casually, that the Indians might not realize what we were doing. Once +there, with the ladder drawn up after us and the trap-door closed, we +would be reasonably safe, unless our guests decided to burn the cabin. + +The evening seemed endless, and was certainly nerve-racking. The Indians +ate everything in the house, and from my seat in a dim corner I watched +them while my sisters waited on them. I can still see the tableau they +made in the firelit room and hear the unfamiliar accents of their speech +as they talked together. Occasionally one of them would pull a hair from +his head, seize his scalping-knife; and cut the hair with it--a most +unpleasant sight! When either of my sisters approached them some of the +Indians would make gestures, as if capturing and scalping her. Through +it all, however, the whisky held their close attention, and it was due +to this that we succeeded in reaching the attic unobserved, James coming +last of all and drawing the ladder after him. Mother and the children +were then put to bed; but through that interminable night James and +Eleanor lay flat upon the floor, watching through the cracks between the +boards the revels of the drunken Indians, which grew wilder with every +hour that crawled toward sunrise. There was no knowing when they would +miss us or how soon their mood might change. At any moment they might +make an attack upon us or set fire to the cabin. By dawn, however, their +whisky was all gone, and they were in so deep a stupor that, one after +the other, the seven fell from their chairs to the floor, where they +sprawled unconscious. When they awoke they left quietly and without +trouble of any kind. They seemed a strangely subdued and chastened band; +probably they were wretchedly ill after their debauch on the adulterated +whisky the traders had given them. + +That autumn the Ottawa tribe had a great corn celebration, to which we +and the other settlers were invited. James and my older sisters attended +it, and I went with them, by my own urgent invitation. It seemed to me +that as I was sharing the work and the perils of our new environment, +I might as well share its joys; and I finally succeeded in making +my family see the logic of this position. The central feature of the +festivity was a huge kettle, many feet in circumference, into which the +Indians dropped the most extraordinary variety of food we had ever seen +combined. Deer heads went into it whole, as well as every kind of meat +and vegetable the members of the tribe could procure. We all ate some of +this agreeable mixture, and later, with one another, and even with +the Indians, we danced gaily to the music of a tom-tom and a drum. The +affair was extremely interesting until the whisky entered and did its +unpleasant work. When our hosts began to fall over in the dance and +slumber where they lay, and when the squaws began to show the same ill +effects of their refreshments, we unostentatiously slipped away. + +During the winter life offered us few diversions and many hardships. Our +creek froze over, and the water problem became a serious one, which +we met with increasing difficulty as the temperature steadily fell. We +melted snow and ice, and existed through the frozen months, but with +an amount of discomfort which made us unwilling to repeat at least that +special phase of our experience. In the spring, therefore, I made a +well. Long before this, James had gone, and Harry and I were now the +only outdoor members of our working-force. Harry was still too small to +help with the well; but a young man, who had formed the neighborly habit +of riding eighteen miles to call on us, gave me much friendly aid. We +located the well with a switch, and when we had dug as far as we could +reach with our spades, my assistant descended into the hole and threw +the earth up to the edge, from which I in turn removed it. As the well +grew deeper we made a half-way shelf, on which I stood, he throwing the +earth on the shelf, and I shoveling it up from that point. Later, as he +descended still farther into the hole we were making, he shoveled the +earth into buckets and passed them up to me, I passing them on to my +sister, who was now pressed into service. When the excavation was deep +enough we made the wall of slabs of wood, roughly joined together. I +recall that well with calm content. It was not a thing of beauty, but +it was a thoroughly practical well, and it remained the only one we had +during the twelve years the family occupied the cabin. + +During our first year there was no school within ten miles of us, but +this lack failed to sadden Harry or me. We had brought with us from +Lawrence a box of books, in which, in winter months, when our outdoor +work was restricted, we found much comfort. They were the only books +in that part of the country, and we read them until we knew them all by +heart. Moreover, father sent us regularly the New York Independent, and +with this admirable literature, after reading it, we papered our walls. +Thus, on stormy days, we could lie on the settle or the floor and read +the Independent over again with increased interest and pleasure. + +Occasionally father sent us the Ledger, but here mother drew a definite +line. She had a special dislike for that periodical, and her severest +comment on any woman was that she was the type who would "keep a dog, +make saleratus biscuit, and read the New York Ledger in the daytime." +Our modest library also contained several histories of Greece and Rome, +which must have been good ones, for years later, when I entered college, +I passed my examination in ancient history with no other preparation +than this reading. There were also a few arithmetics and algebras, a +historical novel or two, and the inevitable copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, +whose pages I had freely moistened with my tears. + +When the advantages of public education were finally extended to me, +at thirteen, by the opening of a school three miles from our home, +I accepted them with growing reluctance. The teacher was a spinster +forty-four years of age and the only genuine "old maid" I have ever met +who was not a married woman or a man. She was the real thing, and +her name, Prudence Duncan, seemed the fitting label for her rigidly +uncompromising personality. I graced Prudence's school for three months, +and then left it at her fervid request. I had walked six miles a day +through trackless woods and Western blizzards to get what she could +give me, but she had little to offer my awakened and critical mind. +My reading and my Lawrence school-work had already taught me more than +Prudence knew--a fact we both inwardry--admitted and fiercely resented +from our different viewpoints. Beyond doubt I was a pert and trying +young person. I lost no opportunity to lead Prudence beyond her +intellectual depth and leave her there, and Prudence vented her chagrin +not alone upon me, but upon my little brother. I became a thorn in her +side, and one day, after an especially unpleasant episode in which Harry +also figured, she plucked me out, as it were, and cast me for ever from +her. From that time I studied at home, where I was a much more valuable +economic factor than I had been in school. + +The second spring after our arrival Harry and I extended our operations +by tapping the sugar-bushes, collecting all the sap, and carrying it +home in pails slung from our yoke-laden shoulders. Together we made one +hundred and fifty pounds of sugar and a barrel of syrup, but here again, +as always, we worked in primitive ways. To get the sap we chopped a gash +in the tree and drove in a spile. Then we dug out a trough to catch the +sap. It was no light task to lift these troughs full of sap and empty +the sap into buckets, but we did it successfully, and afterward built +fires and boiled it down. By this time we had also cleared some of our +ground, and during the spring we were able to plow, dividing the work in +a way that seemed fair to us both. These were strenuous occupations +for a boy of nine and a girl of thirteen, but, though we were not +inordinately good children, we never complained; we found them very +satisfactory substitutes for more normal bucolic joys. Inevitably, we +had our little tragedies. Our cow died, and for an entire winter we went +without milk. Our coffee soon gave out, and as a substitute we made +and used a mixture of browned peas and burnt rye. In the winter we were +always cold, and the water problem, until we had built our well, was +ever with us. + +Father joined us at the end of eighteen months, but though his presence +gave us pleasure and moral support, he was not an addition to our +executive staff. He brought with him a rocking-chair for mother and a +new supply of books, on which I fell as a starving man falls upon food. +Father read as eagerly as I, but much more steadily. His mind was always +busy with problems, and if, while he was laboring in the field, a new +problem presented itself to him, the imperishable curiosity that was in +him made him scurry at once to the house to solve it. I have known him +to spend a planting season in figuring on the production of a certain +number of kernels of corn, instead of planting the corn and raising +it. In the winter he was supposed to spend his time clearing land for +orchards and the like, but instead he pored over his books and problems +day after day and often half the night as well. It soon became known +among our neighbors, who were rapidly increasing in number, that we had +books and that father like to read aloud, and men walked ten miles or +more to spend the night with us and listen to his reading. Often, as his +fame grew, ten or twelve men would arrive at our cabin on Saturday and +remain over Sunday. When my mother once tried to check this influx of +guests by mildly pointing out, among other things, the waste of candles +represented by frequent all-night readings, every man humbly appeared +again on the following Saturday with a candle in each hand. They were +not sensitive; and, as they had brought their candles, it seemed fitting +to them and to father that we girls should cook for them and supply them +with food. + +Father's tolerance of idleness in others, however, did not extend to +tolerance of idleness in us, and this led to my first rebellion, which +occurred when I was fourteen. For once, I had been in the woods all day, +buried in my books; and when I returned at night, still in the dream +world these books had opened to me, father was awaiting my coming with +a brow dark with disapproval. As it happened, mother had felt that day +some special need of me, and father reproached me bitterly for being +beyond reach--an idler who wasted time while mother labored. He ended +a long arraignment by predicting gloomily that with such tendencies I +would make nothing of my life. + +The injustice of the criticism cut deep; I knew I had done and was doing +my share for the family, and already, too, I had begun to feel the call +of my career. For some reason I wanted to preach--to talk to people, +to tell them things. Just why, just what, I did not yet know--but I had +begun to preach in the silent woods, to stand up on stumps and address +the unresponsive trees, to feel the stir of aspiration within me. + +When my father had finished all he wished to say, I looked at him and +answered, quietly, "Father, some day I am going to college." + +I can still see his slight, ironical smile. It drove me to a second +prediction. I was young enough to measure success by material results, +so I added, recklessly: + +"And before I die I shall be worth ten thousand dollars!" + +The amount staggered me even as it dropped from my lips. It was the +largest fortune my imagination could conceive, and in my heart I +believed that no woman ever had possessed or would possess so much. So +far as I knew, too, no woman had gone to college. But now that I had put +my secret hopes into words, I was desperately determined to make those +hopes come true. After I became a wage-earner I lost my desire to make +a fortune, but the college dream grew with the years; and though my +college career seemed as remote as the most distant star, I hitched my +little wagon to that star and never afterward wholly lost sight of its +friendly gleam. + +When I was fifteen years old I was offered a situation as +school-teacher. By this time the community was growing around us with +the rapidity characteristic of these Western settlements, and we +had nearer neighbors whose children needed instruction. I passed +an examination before a schoolboard consisting of three nervous and +self-conscious men whose certificate I still hold, and I at once began +my professional career on the modest salary of two dollars a week and my +board. The school was four miles from my home, so I "boarded round" with +the families of my pupils, staying two weeks in each place, and +often walking from three to six miles a day to and from my little log +school-house in every kind of weather. During the first year I had about +fourteen pupils, of varying ages, sizes, and temperaments, and there was +hardly a book in the school-room except those I owned. One little girl, +I remember, read from an almanac, while a second used a hymn-book. + +In winter the school-house was heated by a woodstove, to which the +teacher had to give close personal attention. I could not depend on +my pupils to make the fires or carry in the fuel; and it was often +necessary to fetch the wood myself, sometimes for long distances through +the forest. Again and again, after miles of walking through winter +storms, I reached the school-house with my clothing wet through, and +in these soaked garments I taught during the day. In "boarding round" +I often found myself in one-room cabins, with bunks at the end and the +sole partition a sheet or a blanket, behind which I slept with one or +two of the children. It was the custom on these occasions for the man +of the house to delicately retire to the barn while we women got to bed, +and to disappear again in the morning while we dressed. In some places +the meals were so badly cooked that I could not eat them, and often the +only food my poor little pupils brought to school for their noonday meal +was a piece of bread or a bit of raw pork. + +I earned my two dollars a week that year, but I had to wait for my wages +until the dog tax was collected in the spring. When the money was thus +raised, and the twenty-six dollars for my thirteen weeks of teaching +were graciously put into my hands, I went "outside" to the nearest shop +and joyously spent almost the entire amount for my first "party dress." +The gown I bought was, I considered, a beautiful creation. In color it +was a rich magenta, and the skirt was elaborately braided with black +cable-cord. My admiration for it was justified, for it did all a young +girl's eager heart could ask of any gown--it led to my first proposal. + +The youth who sought my hand was about twenty years old, and by an +unhappy chance he was also the least attractive young person in the +countryside--the laughing-stock of the neighbors, the butt of his +associates. The night he came to offer me his heart there were already +two young men at our home calling on my sisters, and we were all sitting +around the fire in the living-room when my suitor appeared. His costume, +like himself, left much to be desired. He wore a blue flannel shirt and +a pair of trousers made of flour-bags. Such trousers were not uncommon +in our region, and the boy's mother, who had made them for him, had +thoughtfully selected a nice clean pair of sacks. But on one leg was +the name of the firm that made the flour--A. and G. W. Green--and by a +charming coincidence A. and G. W. Green happened to be the two young men +who were calling on my sisters! On the back of the bags, directly in the +rear of the wearer, was the simple legend, "96 pounds"; and the striking +effect of the young man's costume was completed by a bright yellow sash +which held his trousers in place. + +The vision fascinated my sisters and their two guests. They gave +it their entire attention, and when the new-comer signified with an +eloquent gesture that he was calling on me, and beckoned me into an +inner room, the quartet arose as one person and followed us to the door. +Then, as we inhospitably closed the door, they fastened their eyes to +the cracks in the living-room wall, that they might miss none of the +entertainment. When we were alone my guest and I sat down in facing +chairs and in depressed silence. The young man was nervous, and I was +both frightened and annoyed. I had heard suppressed giggles on the other +side of the wall, and I realized, as my self-centered visitor failed +to do, that we were not enjoying the privacy the situation seemed to +demand. At last the youth informed me that his "dad" had just given him +a cabin, a yoke of steers, a cow, and some hens. When this announcement +had produced its full effect, he straightened up in his chair and asked, +solemnly, "Will ye have me?" + +An outburst of chortles from the other side of the wall greeted the +proposal, but the ardent youth ignored it, if indeed he heard it. With +eyes staring straight ahead, he sat rigid, waiting for my answer; and I, +anxious only to get rid of him and to end the strain of the moment, +said the first thing that came into my head. "I can't," I told him. "I'm +sorry, but--but--I'm engaged." + +He rose quickly, with the effect of a half-closed jack-knife that is +suddenly opened, and for an instant stood looking down upon me. He was +six feet two inches tall, and extremely thin. I am very short, and, as +I looked up, his flour-bag trousers seemed to join his yellow sash +somewhere near the ceiling of the room. He put both hands into +his pockets and slowly delivered his valedictory. "That's darned +disappointing to a fellow," he said, and left the house. After a +moment devoted to regaining my maidenly composure I returned to the +living-room, where I had the privilege of observing the enjoyment of +my sisters and their visitors. Helpless with mirth and with tears of +pleasure on their cheeks, the four rocked and shrieked as they recalled +the picture my gallant had presented. For some time after that incident +I felt a strong distaste for sentiment. + +Clad royally in the new gown, I attended my first ball in November, +going with a party of eight that included my two sisters, another girl, +and four young men. The ball was at Big Rapids, which by this time had +grown to be a thriving lumber town. It was impossible to get a team of +horses or even a yoke of oxen for the journey, so we made a raft and +went down the river on that, taking our party dresses with us in trunks. +Unfortunately, the raft "hung up" in the stream, and the four young men +had to get out into the icy water and work a long time before they +could detach it from the rocks. Naturally, they were soaked and chilled +through, but they all bore the experience with a gay philosophy. + +When we reached Big Rapids we dressed for the ball, and, as in those +days it was customary to change one's gown again at midnight, I had an +opportunity to burst on the assemblage in two costumes--the second made +of bedroom chintz, with a low neck and short sleeves. We danced the +"money musk," and the "Virginia reel," "hoeing her down" (which means +changing partners) in true pioneer style. I never missed a dance at this +or any subsequent affair, and I was considered the gayest and the most +tireless young person at our parties until I became a Methodist minister +and dropped such worldly vanities. The first time I preached in my home +region all my former partners came to hear me, and listened with wide, +understanding, reminiscent smiles which made it very hard for me to keep +soberly to my text. + +In the near future I had reason to regret the extravagant expenditure of +my first earnings. For my second year of teaching, in the same school, I +was to receive five dollars a week and to pay my own board. I selected a +place two miles and a half from the school-house, and was promptly asked +by my host to pay my board in advance. This, he explained, was due to no +lack of faith in me; the money would enable him to go "outside" to work, +leaving his family well supplied with provisions. I allowed him to go +to the school committee and collect my board in advance, at the rate of +three dollars a week for the season. When I presented myself at my new +boarding-place, however, two days later, I found the house nailed up and +deserted; the man and his family had departed with my money, and I was +left, as my committeemen sympathetically remarked, "high and dry." There +were only two dollars a week coming to me after that, so I walked back +and forth between my home and my school, almost four miles, twice a day; +and during this enforced exercise there was ample opportunity to reflect +on the fleeting joy of riches. + +In the mean time war had been declared. When the news came that Fort +Sumter had been fired on, and that Lincoln had called for troops, our +men were threshing. There was only one threshing-machine in the region +at that time, and it went from place to place, the farmers doing their +threshing whenever they could get the machine. I remember seeing a +man ride up on horseback, shouting out Lincoln's demand for troops and +explaining that a regiment was being formed at Big Rapids. Before he had +finished speaking the men on the machine had leaped to the ground and +rushed off to enlist, my brother Jack, who had recently joined us, among +them. In ten minutes not one man was left in the field. A few months +later my brother Tom enlisted as a bugler--he was a mere boy at the +time--and not long after that my father followed the example of his sons +and served until the war was ended. He had entered on the twenty-ninth +of August, 1862, as an army steward; he came back to us with the rank of +lieutenant and assistant surgeon of field and staff. + +Between those years I was the principal support of our family, and life +became a strenuous and tragic affair. For months at a time we had no +news from the front. The work in our community, if it was done at all, +was done by despairing women whose hearts were with their men. When care +had become our constant guest, Death entered our home as well. My sister +Eleanor had married, and died in childbirth, leaving her baby to me; +and the blackest hours of those black years were the hours that saw her +passing. I can see her still, lying in a stupor from which she roused +herself at intervals to ask about her child. She insisted that our +brother Tom should name the baby, but Tom was fighting for his country, +unless he had already preceded Eleanor through the wide portal that was +opening before her. I could only tell her that I had written to him; but +before the assurance was an hour old she would climb up from the gulf +of unconsciousness with infinite effort to ask if we had received his +reply. At last, to calm her, I told her it had come, and that Tom had +chosen for her little son the name of Arthur. She smiled at this and +drew a deep breath; then, still smiling, she passed away. Her baby +slipped into her vacant place and almost filled our heavy hearts, but +only for a short time; for within a few months after his mother's death +his father married again and took him from me, and it seemed that with +his going we had lost all that made life worth while. + +The problem of living grew harder with everyday. We eked out our little +income in every way we could, taking as boarders the workers in the +logging-camps, making quilts, which we sold, and losing no chance to +earn a penny in any legitimate manner. Again my mother did such outside +sewing as she could secure, yet with every month of our effort the gulf +between our income and our expenses grew wider, and the price of the +bare necessities of exisence{sic} climbed up and up. The largest amount +I could earn at teaching was six dollars a week, and our school year +included only two terms of thirteen weeks each. It was an incessant +struggle to keep our land, to pay our taxes, and to live. Calico was +selling at fifty cents a yard. Coffee was one dollar a pound. There were +no men left to grind our corn, to get in our crops, or to care for our +live stock; and all around us we saw our struggle reflected in the lives +of our neighbors. + +At long intervals word came to us of battles in which my father's +regiment--the Tenth Michigan Cavalry Volunteers--or those of my brothers +were engaged, and then longer intervals followed in which we heard no +news. After Eleanor's death my brother Tom was wounded, and for months +we lived in terror of worse tidings, but he finally recovered. I was +walking seven and eight miles a day, and doing extra work before and +after school hours, and my health began to fail. Those were years I do +not like to look back upon--years in which life had degenerated into a +treadmill whose monotony was broken only by the grim messages from the +front. My sister Mary married and went to Big Rapids to live. I had no +time to dream my dream, but the star of my one purpose still glowed in +my dark horizon. It seemed that nothing short of a miracle could lift my +feet from their plodding way and set them on the wider path toward which +my eyes were turned, but I never lost faith that in some manner the +miracle would come to pass. As certainly as I have ever known anything, +I KNEW that I was going to college! + + + + +III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +The end of the Civil War brought freedom to me, too. When peace was +declared my father and brothers returned to the claim in the wilderness +which we women of the family had labored so desperately to hold while +they were gone. To us, as to others, the final years of the war had +brought many changes. My sister Eleanor's place was empty. Mary, as I +have said, had married and gone to live in Big Rapids, and my mother +and I were alone with my brother Harry, now a boy of fourteen. After the +return of our men it was no longer necessary to devote every penny of +my earnings to the maintenance of our home. For the first time I could +begin to save a portion of my income toward the fulfilment of my college +dream, but even yet there was a long, arid stretch ahead of me before +the college doors came even distantly into sight. + +The largest salary I could earn by teaching in our Northern woods was +one hundred and fifty-six dollars a year, for two terms of thirteen +weeks each; and from this, of course, I had to deduct the cost of my +board and clothing--the sole expenditure I allowed myself. The dollars +for an education accumulated very, very slowly, until at last, in +desperation, weary of seeing the years of my youth rush past, bearing my +hopes with them, I took a sudden and radical step. I gave up teaching, +left our cabin in the woods, and went to Big Rapids to live with my +sister Mary, who had married a successful man and who generously offered +me a home. There, I had decided, I would learn a trade of some kind, of +any kind; it did not greatly matter what it was. The sole essential was +that it should be a money-making trade, offering wages which would make +it possible to add more rapidly to my savings. In those days, almost +fifty years ago, and in a small pioneer town, the fields open to women +were few and unfruitful. The needle at once presented itself, but at +first I turned with loathing from it. I would have preferred the digging +of ditches or the shoveling of coal; but the needle alone persistently +pointed out my way, and I was finally forced to take it. + +Fate, however, as if weary at last of seeing me between her paws, +suddenly let me escape. Before I had been working a month at my +uncongenial trade Big Rapids was favored by a visit from a Universalist +woman minister, the Reverend Marianna Thompson, who came there to +preach. Her sermon was delivered on Sunday morning, and I was, I think, +almost the earliest arrival of the great congregation which filled the +church. It was a wonderful moment when I saw my first woman minister +enter her pulpit; and as I listened to her sermon, thrilled to the soul, +all my early aspirations to become a minister myself stirred in me with +cumulative force. After the services I hung for a time on the fringe of +the group that surrounded her, and at last, when she was alone and about +to leave, I found courage to introduce myself and pour forth the tale of +my ambition. Her advice was as prompt as if she had studied my problem +for years. + +"My child," she said, "give up your foolish idea of learning a trade, +and go to school. You can't do anything until you have an education. Get +it, and get it NOW." + +Her suggestion was much to my liking, and I paid her the compliment of +acting on it promptly, for the next morning I entered the Big Rapids +High School, which was also a preparatory school for college. There I +would study, I determined, as long as my money held out, and with the +optimism of youth I succeeded in confining my imagination to this side +of that crisis. My home, thanks to Mary, was assured; the wardrobe I had +brought from the woods covered me sufficiently; to one who had +walked five and six miles a day for years, walking to school held no +discomfort; and as for pleasure, I found it, like a heroine of fiction, +in my studies. For the first time life was smiling at me, and with all +my young heart I smiled back. + +The preceptress of the high school was Lucy Foot, a college graduate and +a remarkable woman. I had heard much of her sympathy and understanding; +and on the evening following my first day in school I went to her +and repeated the confidences I had reposed in the Reverend Marianna +Thompson. My trust in her was justified. She took an immediate interest +in me, and proved it at once by putting me into the speaking and +debating classes, where I was given every opportunity to hold forth to +helpless classmates when the spirit of eloquence moved me. + +As an aid to public speaking I was taught to "elocute," and I remember +in every mournful detail the occasion on which I gave my first +recitation. We were having our monthly "public exhibition night," and +the audience included not only my classmates, but their parents and +friends as well. The selection I intended to recite was a poem entitled +"No Sects in Heaven," but when I faced my audience I was so appalled by +its size and by the sudden realization of my own temerity that I fainted +during the delivery of the first verse. Sympathetic classmates carried +me into an anteroom and revived me, after which they naturally assumed +that the entertainment I furnished was over for the evening. I, however, +felt that if I let that failure stand against me I could never afterward +speak in public; and within ten minutes, notwithstanding the protests of +my friends, I was back in the hall and beginning my recitation a second +time. The audience gave me its eager attention. Possibly it hoped to see +me topple off the platform again, but nothing of the sort occurred. +I went through the recitation with self-possession and received some +friendly applause at the end. Strangely enough, those first sensations +of "stage fright" have been experienced, in a lesser degree, in +connection with each of the thousands of public speeches I have made +since that time. I have never again gone so far as to faint in the +presence of an audience; but I have invariably walked out on the +platform feeling the sinking sensation at the pit of the stomach, +the weakness of the knees, that I felt in the hour of my debut. Now, +however, the nervousness passes after a moment or two. + +From that night Miss Foot lost no opportunity of putting me into the +foreground of our school affairs. I took part in all our debates, +recited yards of poetry to any audience we could attract, and even shone +mildly in our amateur theatricals. It was probably owing to all this +activity that I attracted the interest of the presiding elder of our +district--Dr. Peck, a man of progressive ideas. There was at that time a +movement on foot to license women to preach in the Methodist Church, and +Dr. Peck was ambitious to be the first presiding elder to have a woman +ordained for the Methodist ministry. He had urged Miss Foot to be this +pioneer, but her ambitions did not turn in that direction. Though she +was a very devout Methodist, she had no wish to be the shepherd of a +religious flock. She loved her school-work, and asked nothing better +than to remain in it. Gently but persistently she directed the attention +of Dr. Peck to me, and immediately things began to happen. + +Without telling me to what it might lead, Miss Foot finally arranged +a meeting at her home by inviting Dr. Peck and me to dinner. +Being unconscious of any significance in the occasion, I chatted +light-heartedly about the large issues of life and probably settled most +of them to my personal satisfaction. Dr. Peck drew me out and led me +on, listened and smiled. When the evening was over and we rose to go, he +turned to me with sudden seriousness: + +"My quarterly meeting will be held at Ashton," he remarked, casually. "I +would like you to preach the quarterly sermon." + +For a moment the earth seemed to slip away from my feet. I stared at +him in utter stupefaction. Then slowly I realized that, incredible as it +seemed, the man was in earnest. + +"Why," I stammered, "_I_ can't preach a sermon!" + +Dr. Peck smiled at me. "Have you ever tried?" he asked. + +I started to assure him vehemently that I never had. Then, as if Time +had thrown a picture on a screen before me, I saw myself as a little +girl preaching alone in the forest, as I had so often preached to a +congregation of listening trees. I qualified my answer. + +"Never," I said, "to human beings." + +Dr. Peck smiled again. "Well," he told me, "the door is open. Enter or +not, as you wish." + +He left the house, but I remained to discuss his overwhelming +proposition with Miss Foot. A sudden sobering thought had come to me. + +"But," I exclaimed, "I've never been converted. How can I preach to any +one?" + +We both had the old-time idea of conversion, which now seems so +mistaken. We thought one had to struggle with sin and with the Lord +until at last the heart opened, doubts were dispersed, and the light +poured in. Miss Foot could only advise me to put the matter before the +Lord, to wrestle and to pray; and thereafter, for hours at a time, she +worked and prayed with me, alternately urging, pleading, instructing, +and sending up petitions in my behalf. Our last session was a dramatic +one, which took up the entire night. Long before it was over we were +both worn out; but toward morning, either from exhaustion of body or +exaltation of soul, I seemed to see the light, and it made me very +happy. With all my heart I wanted to preach, and I believed that now at +last I had my call. The following day we sent word to Dr. Peck that I +would preach the sermon at Ashton as he had asked, but we urged him to +say nothing of the matter for the present, and Miss Foot and I also +kept the secret locked in our breasts. I knew only too well what view +my family and my friends would take of such a step and of me. To them it +would mean nothing short of personal disgrace and a blotted page in the +Shaw record. + +I had six weeks in which to prepare my sermon, and I gave it most of my +waking hours as well as those in which I should have been asleep. I took +for my text: "And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even +so must the Son of Man be lifted up; that whosoever believeth in Him +should not perish, but have eternal life." + +It was not until three days before I preached the sermon that I found +courage to confide my purpose to my sister Mary, and if I had confessed +my intention to commit a capital crime she could not have been more +disturbed. We two had always been very close, and the death of Eleanor, +to whom we were both devoted, had drawn us even nearer to each other. +Now Mary's tears and prayers wrung my heart and shook my resolution. +But, after all, she was asking me to give up my whole future, to close +my ears to my call, and I felt that I could not do it. My decision +caused an estrangement between us which lasted for years. On the day +preceding the delivery of my sermon I left for Ashton on the afternoon +train; and in the same car, but as far away from me as she could get, +Mary sat alone and wept throughout the journey. She was going to my +mother, but she did not speak to me; and I, for my part, facing both +alienation from her and the ordeal before me, found my one comfort in +Lucy Foot's presence and understanding sympathy. + +There was no church in Ashton, so I preached my sermon in its one little +school-house, which was filled with a curious crowd, eager to look at +and hear the girl who was defying all conventions by getting out of +the pew and into the pulpit. There was much whispering and suppressed +excitement before I began, but when I gave out my text silence fell upon +the room, and from that moment until I had finished my hearers listened +quietly. A kerosene-lamp stood on a stand at my elbow, and as I preached +I trembled so violently that the oil shook in its glass globe; but I +finished without breaking down, and at the end Dr. Peck, who had his own +reasons for nervousness, handsomely assured me that my first sermon was +better than his maiden effort had been. It was evidently not a failure, +for the next day he invited me to follow him around in his circuit, +which included thirty-six appointments; he wished me to preach in +each of the thirty-six places, as it was desirable to let the various +ministers hear and know me before I applied for my license as a local +preacher. + +The sermon also had another result, less gratifying. It brought out, +on the following morning, the first notice of me ever printed in a +newspaper. This was instigated by my brother-in-law, and it was brief +but pointed. It read: + + +A young girl named Anna Shaw, seventeen years old, [1] preached at Ashton +yesterday. Her real friends deprecate the course she is pursuing. + +[Footnote 1: A misstatement by the brother-in-law. Dr. Shaw was at +this time twenty-three years old.--E. J.] + +The little notice had something of the effect of a lighted match applied +to gunpowder. An explosion of public sentiment followed it, the entire +community arose in consternation, and I became a bone of contention over +which friends and strangers alike wrangled until they wore themselves +out. The members of my family, meeting in solemn council, sent for me, +and I responded. They had a proposition to make, and they lost no time +in putting it before me. If I gave up my preaching they would send me to +college and pay for my entire course. They suggested Ann Arbor, and Ann +Arbor tempted me sorely; but to descend from the pulpit I had at last +entered--the pulpit I had visualized in all my childish dreams--was +not to be considered. We had a long evening together, and it was a very +unhappy one. At the end of it I was given twenty-four hours in which to +decide whether I would choose my people and college, or my pulpit and +the arctic loneliness of a life that held no family-circle. It did not +require twenty-four hours of reflection to convince me that I must go my +solitary way. + +That year I preached thirty-six times, at each of the presiding +elder's appointments; and the following spring, at the annual Methodist +Conference of our district, held at Big Rapids, my name was presented to +the assembled ministers as that of a candidate for a license to preach. +There was unusual interest in the result, and my father was among +those who came to the Conference to see the vote taken. During these +Conferences a minister voted affirmatively on a question by holding up +his hand, and negatively by failing to do so. When the question of my +license came up the majority of the ministers voted by raising both +hands, and in the pleasant excitement which followed my father slipped +away. Those who saw him told me he looked pleased; but he sent me no +message showing a change of viewpoint, and the gulf between the family +and its black sheep remained unbridged. Though the warmth of Mary's +love for me had become a memory, the warmth of her hearthstone was still +offered me. I accepted it, perforce, and we lived together like shadows +of what we had been. Two friends alone of all I had made stood by me +without qualification--Miss Foot and Clara Osborn, the latter my "chum" +at Big Rapids and a dweller in my heart to this day. + +In the mean time my preaching had not interfered with my studies. I +was working day and night, but life was very difficult; for among my +schoolmates, too, there were doubts and much head-shaking over this +choice of a career. I needed the sound of friendly voices, for I +was very lonely; and suddenly, when the pressure from all sides was +strongest and I was going down physically under it, a voice was raised +that I had never dared to dream would speak for me. Mary A. Livermore +came to Big Rapids, and as she was then at the height of her career, the +entire countryside poured in to hear her. Far back in the crowded hall +I sat alone and listened to her, thrilled by the lecture and tremulous +with the hope of meeting the lecturer. When she had finished speaking I +joined the throng that surged forward from the body of the hall, and +as I reached her and felt the grasp of her friendly hand I had a sudden +conviction that the meeting was an epoch in my life. I was right. Some +one in the circle around us told her that I wanted to preach, and that +I was meeting tremendous opposition. She was interested at once. She +looked at me with quickening sympathy, and then, suddenly putting an arm +around me, drew me close to her side. + +"My dear," she said, quietly, "if you want to preach, go on and preach. +Don't let anybody stop you. No matter what people say, don't let them +stop you!" + +For a moment I was too overcome to answer her. These were almost my +first encouraging words, and the morning stars singing together could +not have made sweeter music for my ears. Before I could recover a woman +within hearing spoke up. + +"Oh, Mrs. Livermore," she exclaimed, "don't say that to her! We're all +trying to stop her. Her people are wretched over the whole thing. And +don't you see how ill she is? She has one foot in the grave and the +other almost there!" + +Mrs. Livermore turned upon me a long and deeply thoughtful look. "Yes," +she said at last, "I see she has. But it is better that she should die +doing the thing she wants to do than that she should die because she +can't do it." + +Her words were a tonic which restored my voice. "So they think I'm going +to die!" I cried. "Well, I'm not! I'm going to live and preach!" + +I have always felt since then that without the inspiration of Mrs. +Livermore's encouragement I might not have continued my fight. Her +sanction was a shield, however, from which the criticisms of the world +fell back. Fate's more friendly interest in my affairs that year was +shown by the fact that she sent Mrs. Livermore into my life before I had +met Anna Dickinson. Miss Dickinson came to us toward spring and lectured +on Joan of Arc. Never before or since have I been more deeply moved by +a speaker. When she had finished her address I made my happy way to the +front of the hall with the others who wished to meet the distinguished +guest. It was our local manager who introduced me, and he said, "This is +our Anna Shaw. She is going to be a lecturer, too." + +I looked up at the brilliant Miss Dickinson with the trustfulness of +youth in my eyes. I remembered Mrs. Livermore and I thought all +great women were like her, but I was now to experience a bitter +disillusionment. Miss Dickinson barely touched the tips of my fingers +as she looked indifferently past the side of my face. "Ah," she said, +icily, and turned away. In later years I learned how impossible it is +for a public speaker to leave a gracious impression on every life that +for a moment touches her own; but I have never ceased to be thankful +that I met Mrs. Livermore before I met Miss Dickinson at the crisis in +my career. + +In the autumn of 1873 I entered Albion College, in Albion, Michigan. I +was twenty-five years of age, but I looked much younger--probably not +more than eighteen to the casual glance. Though I had made every effort +to save money, I had not been successful, for my expenses constantly +outran my little income, and my position as preacher made it necessary +for me to have a suitable wardrobe. When the time came to enter college +I had exactly eighteen dollars in the world, and I started for Albion +with this amount in my purse and without the slightest notion of how I +was to add to it. The money problem so pressed upon me, in fact, that +when I reached my destination at midnight and discovered that it would +cost fifty cents to ride from the station to the college, I saved that +amount by walking the entire distance on the railroad tracks, while my +imagination busied itself pleasantly with pictures of the engine that +might be thundering upon me in the rear. I had chosen Albion because +Miss Foot had been educated there, and I was encouraged by an incident +that happened the morning after my arrival. I was on the campus, walking +toward the main building, when I saw a big copper penny lying on the +ground, and, on picking it up, I discovered that it bore the year of my +birth. That seemed a good omen, and it was emphatically underlined by +the finding of two exactly similar pennies within a week. Though there +have been days since then when I was sorely tempted to spend them, I +have those three pennies still, and I confess to a certain comfort in +their possession! + +As I had not completed my high-school course, my first days at Albion +were spent in strenuous preparation for the entrance examinations; and +one morning, as I was crossing the campus with a History of the United +States tucked coyly under my arm, I met the president of the college, +Dr. Josclyn. He stopped for a word of greeting, during which I betrayed +the fact that I had never studied United States history. Dr. Josclyn at +once invited me into his office with, I am quite sure, the purpose of +explaining as kindly as he could that my preparation for college was +insufficient. As an opening to the subject he began to talk of history, +and we talked and talked on, while unheeded hours were born and died. +We discussed the history of the United States, the governments of the +world, the causes which led to the influence of one nation on another, +the philosophical basis of the different national movements westward, +and the like. It was the longest and by far the most interesting talk I +have ever had with a highly educated man, and during it I could actually +feel my brain expand. When I rose to go President Josclyn stopped me. + +"I have something to give you," he said, and he wrote a few words on +a slip of paper and handed the slip to me. When, on reaching the +dormitory, I opened it, I found that the president had passed me in the +history of the entire college course! This, moreover, was not the only +pleasant result of our interview, for within a few weeks President and +Mrs. Josclyn, whose daughter had recently died, invited me to board with +them, and I made my home with them during my first year at Albion. + +My triumph in history was followed by the swift and chastening discovery +that I was behind my associates in several other branches. Owing to my +father's early help, I was well up in mathematics, but I had much to +learn of philosophy and the languages, and to these I devoted many +midnight candles. + +Naturally, I soon plunged into speaking, and my first public speech at +college was a defense of Xantippe. I have always felt that the poor lady +was greatly abused, and that Socrates deserved all he received from her, +and more. I was glad to put myself on record as her champion, and my +fellow-students must soon have felt that my admiration for Xantippe was +based on similarities of temperament, for within a few months I was +leading the first college revolt against the authority of the men +students. + +Albion was a coeducational institution, and the brightest jewels in +its crown were its three literary societies--the first composed of +men alone, the second of women alone, and the third of men and women +together. Each of the societies made friendly advances to new students, +and for some time I hesitated on the brink of the new joys they offered, +uncertain which to choose. A representative of the mixed society, who +was putting its claims before me, unconsciously helped me to make up my +mind. + +"Women," he pompously assured me, "need to be associated with men, +because they don't know how to manage meetings." + +On the instant the needle of decision swung around to the women's +society and remained there, fixed. + +"If they don't," I told the pompous young man, "it's high time they +learned. I shall join the women, and we'll master the art." + +I did join the women's society, and I had not been a member very long +before I discovered that when there was an advantage of any kind to be +secured the men invariably got it. While I was brooding somberly upon +this wrong an opportunity came to make a formal and effective protest +against the men's high-handed methods. The Quinquennial reunion of all +the societies was about to be held, and the special feature of this +festivity was always an oration. The simple method of selecting the +orator which had formerly prevailed had been for the young men to decide +upon the speaker and then announce his name to the women, who humbly +confirmed it. On this occasion, however, when the name came in to us, +I sent a message to our brother society to the effect that we, too, +intended to make a nomination and to send in a name. + +At such unprecedented behavior the entire student body arose in +excitement, which, among the girls, was combined with equal parts of +exhilaration and awe. The men refused to consider our nominee, and as a +friendly compromise we suggested that we have a joint meeting of all the +societies and elect the speaker at this gathering; but this plan also +the men at first refused, giving in only after weeks of argument, during +which no one had time for the calmer pleasures of study. When the joint +meeting was finally held, nothing was accomplished; we girls had one +more member than the boys had, and we promptly re-elected our candidate, +who was as promptly declined by the boys. Two of our girls were engaged +to two of the boys, and it was secretly planned by our brother society +that during a second joint meeting these two men should take the girls +out for a drive and then slip back to vote, leaving the girls at some +point sufficiently remote from college. We discovered the plot, however, +in time to thwart it, and at last, when nothing but the unprecedented +tie-up had been discussed for months, the boys suddenly gave up their +candidate and nominated me for orator. + +This was not at all what I wanted, and I immediately declined to serve. +We girls then nominated the young man who had been first choice of our +brother society, but he haughtily refused to accept the compliment. +The reunion was only a fortnight away, and the programme had not +been printed, so now the president took the situation in hand and +peremptorily ordered me to accept the nomination or be suspended. This +was a wholly unexpected boomerang. I had wished to make a good fight for +equal rights for the girls, and to impress the boys with the fact of our +existence as a society; but I had not desired to set the entire student +body by the ears nor to be forced to prepare and deliver an oration +at the eleventh hour. Moreover, I had no suitable gown to wear on so +important an occasion. One of my classmates, however, secretly wrote to +my sister, describing my blushing honors and explaining my need, and my +family rallied to the call. My father bought the material, and my +mother and Mary paid for the making of the gown. It was a white +alpaca creation, trimmed with satin, and the consciousness that it +was extremely becoming sustained me greatly during the mental agony of +preparing and delivering my oration. To my family that oration was the +redeeming episode of my early career. For the moment it almost made them +forget my crime of preaching. + +My original fund of eighteen dollars was now supplemented by the +proceeds of a series of lectures I gave on temperance. The temperance +women were not yet organized, but they had their speakers, and I was +occasionally paid five dollars to hold forth for an hour or two in the +little country school-houses of our region. As a licensed preacher I +had no tuition fees to pay at college; but my board, in the home of the +president and his wife, was costing me four dollars a week, and this was +the limit of my expenses, as I did my own laundry-work. During my first +college year the amount I paid for amusement was exactly fifty cents; +that went for a lecture. The mental strain of the whole experience was +rather severe, for I never knew how much I would be able to earn; and +I was beginning to feel the effects of this when Christmas came and +brought with it a gift of ninety-two dollars, which Miss Foot had +collected among my Big Rapids friends. That, with what I could earn, +carried me through the year. + +The following spring our brother James, who was now living in St. +Johnsbury, Vermont, invited my sister Mary and me to spend the summer +with him, and Mary and I finally dug a grave for our little hatchet and +went East together with something of our old-time joy in each other's +society. We reached St. Johnsbury one Saturday, and within an hour of +our arrival learned that my brother had arranged for me to preach in a +local church the following day. That threatened to spoil the visit for +Mary and even to disinter the hatchet! At first she positively refused +to go to hear me, but after a few hours of reflection she announced +gloomily that if she did not go I would not have my hair arranged +properly or get my hat on straight. Moved by this conviction, she joined +the family parade to the church, and later, in the sacristy, she pulled +me about and pinned me up to her heart's content. Then, reluctantly, she +went into the church and heard me preach. She offered no tributes after +our return to the house, but her protests ceased from that time, and we +gave each other the love and understanding which had marked our girlhood +days. The change made me very happy; for Mary was the salt of the earth, +and next only to my longing for my mother, I had longed for her in the +years of our estrangement. + +Every Sunday that summer I preached in or near St. Johnsbury, and toward +autumn we had a big meeting which the ministers of all the surrounding +churches attended. I was asked to preach the sermon--a high +compliment--and I chose that important day to make a mistake in quoting +a passage from Scripture. I asked, "Can the Ethiopian change his spots +or the leopard his skin?" I realized at once that I had transposed the +words, and no doubt a look of horror dawned in my eyes; but I went on +without correcting myself and without the slightest pause. Later, one of +the ministers congratulated me on this presence of mind. + +"If you had corrected yourself," he said, "all the young people would +have been giggling yet over the spotted nigger. Keep to your rule of +going right ahead!" + +At the end of the summer the various churches in which I had preached +gave me a beautiful gold watch and one hundred dollars in money, and +with an exceedingly light heart I went back to college to begin my +second year of work. + +From that time life was less complex. I had enough temperance-work and +preaching in the country school-houses and churches to pay my college +expenses, and, now that my financial anxieties were relieved, my health +steadily improved. Several times I preached to the Indians, and these +occasions were among the most interesting of my experiences. The squaws +invariably brought their babies with them, but they had a simple and +effective method of relieving themselves of the care of the infants +as soon as they reached the church. The papooses, who were strapped to +their boards, were hung like a garment on the back wall of the building +by a hole in the top of the board, which projected above their heads. +Each papoose usually had a bit of fat pork tied to the end of a string +fastened to its wrist, and with these sources of nourishment the +infants occupied themselves pleasantly while the sermon was in progress. +Frequently the pork slipped down the throat of the papoose, but the +struggle of the child and the jerking of its hands in the strangulation +that followed pulled the piece safely out again. As I faced the +congregation I also faced the papooses, to whom the indifferent backs +of their mothers were presented; it seemed to me there was never a time +when some papoose was not choking, but no matter how much excitement or +discomfort was going on among the babies, not one squaw turned her head +to look back at them. In that assemblage the emotions were not allowed +to interrupt the calm intellectual enjoyment of the sermon. + +My most dramatic experience during this period occurred in the summer of +1874, when I went to a Northern lumber-camp to preach in the pulpit of +a minister who was away on his honeymoon. The stage took me within +twenty-two miles of my destination, to a place called Seberwing. To my +dismay, however, when I arrived at Seberwing, Saturday evening, I found +that the rest of the journey lay through a dense woods, and that I could +reach my pulpit in time the next morning only by having some one drive +me through the woods that night. It was not a pleasant prospect, for +I had heard appalling tales of the stockades in this region and of the +women who were kept prisoners there. But to miss the engagement was not +to be thought of, and when, after I had made several vain efforts to +find a driver, a man appeared in a two-seated wagon and offered to take +me to my destination, I felt that I had to go with him, though I did not +like his appearance. He was a huge, muscular person, with a protruding +jaw and a singularly evasive eye; but I reflected that his forbidding +expression might be due, in part at least, to the prospect of the long +night drive through the woods, to which possibly he objected as much as +I did. + +It was already growing dark when we started, and within a few moments we +were out of the little settlement and entering the woods. With me I +had a revolver I had long since learned to use, but which I very rarely +carried. I had hesitated to bring it now--had even left home without it; +and then, impelled by some impulse I never afterward ceased to bless, +had returned for it and dropped it into my hand-bag. + +I sat on the back seat of the wagon, directly behind the driver, and for +a time, as we entered the darkening woods, his great shoulders blotted +out all perspective as he drove on in stolid silence. Then, little by +little, they disappeared like a rapidly fading negative. The woods were +filled with Norway pines, hemlocks, spruce, and tamaracks-great, somber +trees that must have shut out the light even on the brightest days. +To-night the heavens held no lamps aloft to guide us, and soon the +darkness folded around us like a garment. I could see neither the driver +nor his horses. I could hear only the sibilant whisper of the trees and +the creak of our slow wheels in the rough forest road. + +Suddenly the driver began to talk, and at first I was glad to hear the +reassuring human tones, for the experience had begun to seem like a bad +dream. I replied readily, and at once regretted that I had done so, +for the man's choice of topics was most unpleasant. He began to tell me +stories of the stockades--grim stories with horrible details, repeated +so fully and with such gusto that I soon realized he was deliberately +affronting my ears. I checked him and told him I could not listen to +such talk. + +He replied with a series of oaths and shocking vulgarities, stopping his +horses that he might turn and fling the words into my face. He ended +by snarling that I must think him a fool to imagine he did not know +the kind of woman I was. What was I doing in that rough country, he +demanded, and why was I alone with him in those black woods at night? + +Though my heart missed a beat just then, I tried to answer him calmly. + +"You know perfectly well who I am," I reminded him. "And you understand +that I am making this journey to-night because I am to preach to-morrow +morning and there is no other way to keep my appointment." + +He uttered a laugh which was a most unpleasant sound. + +"Well," he said, coolly, "I'm damned if I'll take you. I've got you +here, and I'm going to keep you here!" + +I slipped my hand into the satchel in my lap, and it touched my +revolver. No touch of human fingers ever brought such comfort. With a +deep breath of thanksgiving I drew it out and cocked it, and as I did so +he recognized the sudden click. + +"Here! What have you got there?" he snapped. + +"I have a revolver," I replied, as steadily as I could. "And it is +cocked and aimed straight at your back. Now drive on. If you stop again, +or speak, I'll shoot you." + +For an instant or two he blustered. + +"By God," he cried, "you wouldn't dare." + +"Wouldn't I?" I asked. "Try me by speaking just once more." + +Even as I spoke I felt my hair rise on my scalp with the horror of the +moment, which seemed worse than any nightmare a woman could experience. +But the man was conquered by the knowledge of the waiting, willing +weapon just behind him. He laid his whip savagely on the backs of his +horses and they responded with a leap that almost knocked me out of the +wagon. + +The rest of the night was a black terror I shall never forget. He did +not speak again, nor stop, but I dared not relax my caution for an +instant. Hour after hour crawled toward day, and still I sat in the +unpierced darkness, the revolver ready. I knew he was inwardly raging, +and that at any instant he might make a sudden jump and try to get the +revolver away from me. I decided that at his slightest movement I must +shoot. But dawn came at last, and just as its bluish light touched the +dark tips of the pines we drove up to the log hotel in the settlement +that was our destination. Here my driver spoke. + +"Get down," he said, gruffly. "This is the place." + +I sat still. Even yet I dared not trust him. Moreover, I was so stiff +after my vigil that I was not sure I could move. + +"You get down," I directed, "and wake up the landlord. Bring him out +here." + +He sullenly obeyed and aroused the hotel-owner, and when the latter +appeared I climbed out of the wagon with some effort but without +explanation. That morning I preached in my friend's pulpit as I had +promised to do, and the rough building was packed to its doors with +lumbermen who had come in from the neighboring camp. Their appearance +caused great surprise, as they had never attended a service before. +They formed a most picturesque congregation, for they all wore brilliant +lumber-camp clothing--blue or red shirts with yellow scarfs twisted +around their waists, and gay-colored jackets and logging-caps. There +were forty or fifty of them, and when we took up our collection they +responded with much liberality and cheerful shouts to one another. + +"Put in fifty cents!" they yelled across the church. "Give her a +dollar!" + +The collection was the largest that had been taken up in the history of +the settlement, but I soon learned that it was not the spiritual comfort +I offered which had appealed to the lumber-men. My driver of the +night before, who was one of their number, had told his pals of his +experience, and the whole camp had poured into town to see the woman +minister who carried a revolver. + +"Her sermon?" said one of them to my landlord, after the meeting. "Huh! +I dunno what she preached. But, say, don't make no mistake about one +thing: the little preacher has sure got grit!" + + + + +IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +When I returned to Albion College in the autumn of 1875 I brought with +me a problem which tormented me during my waking hours and chattered on +my pillow at night. Should I devote two more years of my vanishing +youth to the completion of my college course, or, instead, go at once +to Boston University, enter upon my theological studies, take my degree, +and be about my Father's business? + +I was now twenty-seven years old, and I had been a licensed preacher for +three years. My reputation in the Northwest was growing, and by sermons +and lectures I could certainly earn enough to pay the expenses of the +full college course. On the other hand, Boston was a new world. There I +would be alone and practically penniless, and the opportunities for work +might be limited. Quite possibly in my final two years at Albion I could +even save enough money to make the experience in Boston less difficult, +and the clear common sense I had inherited from my mother reminded me +that in this course lay wisdom. Possibly it was some inheritance from my +visionary father which made me, at the end of three months, waive these +sage reflections, pack my few possessions, and start for Boston, where I +entered the theological school of the university in February, 1876. + +It was an instance of stepping off a solid plank and into space; and +though there is exhilaration in the sensation, as I discovered then and +at later crises in life when I did the same thing, there was also an +amount of subsequent discomfort for which even my lively imagination +had not prepared me. I went through some grim months in Boston--months +during which I learned what it was to go to bed cold and hungry, to +wake up cold and hungry, and to have no knowledge of how long these +conditions might continue. But not more than once or twice during the +struggle there, and then only for an hour or two in the physical and +mental depression attending malnutrition, did I regret coming. At that +period of my life I believed that the Lord had my small personal affairs +very much on His mind. If I starved and froze it was His test of my +worthiness for the ministry, and if He had really chosen me for one of +His servants, He would see me through. The faith that sustained me +then has still a place in my life, and existence without it would be an +infinitely more dreary affair than it is. But I admit that I now call +upon the Lord less often and less imperatively than I did before the +stern years taught me my unimportance in the great scheme of things. + +My class at the theological school was composed of forty-two young men +and my unworthy self, and before I had been a member of it an hour I +realized that women theologians paid heavily for the privilege of being +women. The young men of my class who were licensed preachers were given +free accommodations in the dormitory, and their board, at a club formed +for their assistance, cost each of them only one dollar and twenty-five +cents a week. For me no such kindly provision was made. I was not +allowed a place in the dormitory, but instead was given two dollars a +week to pay the rent of a room outside. Neither was I admitted to the +economical comforts of the club, but fed myself according to my income, +a plan which worked admirably when there was an income, but left an +obvious void when there was not. + +With characteristic optimism, however, I hired a little attic room on +Tremont Street and established myself therein. In lieu of a window +the room offered a pale skylight to the February storms, and there +was neither heat in it nor running water; but its possession gave me a +pleasant sense of proprietorship, and the whole experience seemed a high +adventure. I at once sought opportunities to preach and lecture, but +these were even rarer than firelight and food. In Albion I had been +practically the only licensed preacher available for substitute and +special work. In Boston University's three theological classes there +were a hundred men, each snatching eagerly at the slightest possibility +of employment; and when, despite this competition, I received and +responded to an invitation to preach, I never knew whether I was to be +paid for my services in cash or in compliments. If, by a happy chance, +the compensation came in cash, the amount was rarely more than five +dollars, and never more than ten. There was no help in sight from my +family, whose early opposition to my career as a minister had hotly +flamed forth again when I started East. I lived, therefore, on milk and +crackers, and for weeks at a time my hunger was never wholly satisfied. +In my home in the wilderness I had often heard the wolves prowling +around our door at night. Now, in Boston, I heard them even at high +noon. + +There is a special and almost indescribable depression attending such +conditions. No one who has not experienced the combination of continued +cold, hunger, and loneliness in a great, strange, indifferent city can +realize how it undermines the victim's nerves and even tears at the +moral fiber. The self-humiliation I experienced was also intense. I had +worked my way in the Northwest; why could I not work my way in Boston? +Was there, perhaps, some lack in me and in my courage? Again and again +these questions rose in my mind and poisoned my self-confidence. The +one comfort I had in those black days was the knowledge that no +one suspected the depth of the abyss in which I dwelt. We were +all struggling; to the indifferent glance--and all glances were +indifferent--my struggle was no worse than that of my classmates whose +rooms and frugal meals were given them. + +After a few months of this existence I was almost ready to believe that +the Lord's work for me lay outside of the ministry, and while this fear +was gripping me a serious crisis came in my financial affairs. The day +dawned when I had not a cent, nor any prospect of earning one. My stock +of provisions consisted of a box of biscuit, and my courage was flowing +from me like blood from an opened vein. Then came one of the quick turns +of the wheel of chance which make for optimism. Late in the afternoon +I was asked to do a week of revival work with a minister in a local +church, and when I accepted his invitation I mentally resolved to let +that week decide my fate. My shoes had burst open at the sides; for lack +of car-fare I had to walk to and from the scene of my meetings, though I +had barely strength for the effort. If my week of work brought me enough +to buy a pair of cheap shoes and feed me for a few days I would, I +decided, continue my theological course. If it did not, I would give up +the fight. + +Never have I worked harder or better than during those seven days, when +I put into the effort not only my heart and soul, but the last flame of +my dying vitality, We had a rousing revival--one of the good old-time +affairs when the mourners' benches were constantly filled and the air +resounded with alleluias. The excitement and our success, mildly aided +by the box of biscuit, sustained me through the week, and not until +the last night did I realize how much of me had gone into this final +desperate charge of mine. Then, the service over and the people +departed, I sank, weak and trembling, into a chair, trying to pull +myself together before hearing my fate in the good-night words of the +minister I had assisted. When he came to me and began to compliment me +on the work I had done, I could not rise. I sat still and listened with +downcast eyes, afraid to lift them lest he read in them something of my +need and panic in this moment when my whole future seemed at stake. + +At first his words rolled around the empty church as if they were +trying to get away from me, but at last I began to catch them. I was, it +seemed, a most desirable helper. It had been a privilege and a pleasure +to be associated with me. Beyond doubt, I would go far in my career. +He heartily wished that he could reward me adequately. I deserved fifty +dollars. + +My tired heart fluttered at this. Probably my empty stomach fluttered, +too; but in the next moment something seemed to catch my throat and stop +my breath. For it appeared that, notwithstanding the enthusiasm and +the spiritual uplift of the week, the collections had been very +disappointing and the expenses unusually heavy. He could not give me +fifty dollars. He could not give me anything at all. He thanked me +warmly and wished me good night. + +I managed to answer him and to get to my feet, but that journey down the +aisle from my chair to the church door was the longest journey I have +ever made. During it I felt not only the heart-sick disappointment of +the moment, but the cumulative unhappiness of the years to come. I was +friendless, penniless, and starving, but it was not of these conditions +that I thought then. The one overwhelming fact was that I had been +weighed and found wanting. I was not worthy. + +I stumbled along, passing blindly a woman who stood on the street near +the church entrance. She stopped me, timidly, and held out her hand. +Then suddenly she put her arms around me and wept. She was an old lady, +and I did not know her, but it seemed fitting that she should cry just +then, as it would have seemed fitting to me if at that black moment all +the people on the earth had broken into sudden wailing. + +"Oh, Miss Shaw," she said, "I'm the happiest woman in the world, and I +owe my happiness to you. To-night you have converted my grandson. He's +all I have left, but he has been a wild boy, and I've prayed over him +for years. Hereafter he is going to lead a different life. He has just +given me his promise on his knees." + +Her hand fumbled in her purse. + +"I am a poor woman," she went on, "but I have enough, and I want to make +you a little present. I know how hard life is for you young students." + +She pressed a bill into my fingers. "It's very little," she said, +humbly; "it is only five dollars." + +I laughed, and in that exultant moment I seemed to hear life laughing +with me. With the passing of the bill from her hand to mine existence +had become a new experience, wonderful and beautiful. + +"It's the biggest gift I have ever had," I told her. "This little bill +is big enough to carry my future on its back!" + +I had a good meal that night, and I bought the shoes the next morning. +Infinitely more sustaining than the food, however, was the conviction +that the Lord was with me and had given me a sign of His approval. The +experience was the turning-point of my theological career. When the +money was gone I succeeded in obtaining more work from time to time--and +though the grind was still cruelly hard, I never again lost hope. The +theological school was on Bromfield Street, and we students climbed +three flights of stairs to reach our class-rooms. Through lack of proper +food I had become too weak to ascend these stairs without sitting down +once or twice to rest, and within a month after my experience with the +appreciative grandmother I was discovered during one of these resting +periods by Mrs. Barrett, the superintendent of the Woman's Foreign +Missionary Society, which had offices in our building. She stopped, +looked me over, and then invited me into her room, where she asked me +if I felt ill. I assured her that I did not. She asked a great many +additional questions and, little by little, under the womanly sympathy +of them, my reserve broke down and she finally got at the truth, which +until that hour I had succeeded in concealing. She let me leave without +much comment, but the next day she again invited me into her office and +came directly to the purpose of the interview. + +"Miss Shaw," she said, "I have been talking to a friend of mine about +you, and she would like to make a bargain with you. She thinks you are +working too hard. She will pay you three dollars and a half a week +for the rest of this school year if you will promise to give up your +preaching. She wants you to rest, study, and take care of your health." + +I asked the name of my unknown friend, but Mrs. Barrett said that was to +remain a secret. She had been given a check for seventy-eight dollars, +and from this, she explained, my allowance would be paid in weekly +instalments. I took the money very gratefully, and a few years later I +returned the amount to the Missionary Society; but I never learned the +identity of my benefactor. Her three dollars and a half a week, added to +the weekly two dollars I was allowed for room rent, at once solved the +problem of living; and now that meal-hours had a meaning in my life, my +health improved and my horizon brightened. I spent most of my evenings +in study, and my Sundays in the churches of Phillips Brooks and James +Freeman Clark, my favorite ministers. Also, I joined the university's +praying-band of students, and took part in the missionary-work among the +women of the streets. I had never forgotten my early friend in Lawrence, +the beautiful "mysterious lady" who had loved me as a child, and, in +memory of her, I set earnestly about the effort to help unfortunates of +her class. I went into the homes of these women, followed them to the +streets and the dance-halls, talked to them, prayed with them, and +made friends among them. Some of them I was able to help, but many were +beyond help; and I soon learned that the effective work in that field is +the work which is done for women before, not after, they have fallen. + +During my vacation in the summer of 1876 I went to Cape Cod and earned +my expenses by substituting in local pulpits. Here, at East Dennis, I +formed the friendship which brought me at once the greatest happiness +and the deepest sorrow of that period of my life. My new friend was +a widow whose name was Persis Addy, and she was also the daughter of +Captain Prince Crowell, then the most prominent man in the Cape Cod +community--a bank president, a railroad director, and a citizen of +wealth, as wealth was rated in those days. When I returned to the +theological school in the autumn Mrs. Addy came to Boston with me, and +from that time until her death, two years later, we lived together. She +was immensely interested in my work, and the friendly part she took in +it diverted her mind from the bereavement over which she had brooded for +years, while to me her coming opened windows into a new world. I was +no longer lonely; and though in my life with her I paid my way to +the extent of my small income, she gave me my first experience of +an existence in which comfort and culture, recreation, and leisurely +reading were cheerful commonplaces. For the first time I had some one +to come home to, some one to confide in, some one to talk to, listen +to, and love. We read together and went to concerts together; and it was +during this winter that I attended my first theatrical performance. The +star was Mary Anderson, in "Pygmalion and Galatea," and play and player +charmed me so utterly that I saw them every night that week, sitting +high in the gallery and enjoying to the utmost the unfolding of this new +delight. It was so glowing a pleasure that I longed to make some return +to the giver of it; but not until many years afterward, when I met +Madame Navarro in London, was I able to tell her what the experience had +been and to thank her for it. + +I did not long enjoy the glimpses into my new world, for soon, and +most tragically, it was closed to me. In the spring following our first +Boston winter together Mrs. Addy and I went to Hingham, Massachusetts, +where I had been appointed temporary pastor of the Methodist Church. +There Mrs. Addy was taken ill, and as she grew steadily worse we +returned to Boston to live near the best available physicians, who for +months theorized over her malady without being able to diagnose it. At +last her father, Captain Crowell, sent to Paris for Dr. Brown-Sequard, +then the most distinguished specialist of his day, and Dr. +Brown-Sequard, when he arrived and examined his patient, discovered that +she had a tumor on the brain. She had had a great shock in her life--the +tragic death of her husband at sea during their wedding tour around +the world--and it was believed that her disease dated from that time. +Nothing could be done for her, and she failed daily during our second +year together, and died in March, 1878, just before I finished my +theological course and while I was still temporary pastor of the church +at Hingham. Every moment I could take from my parish and my studies I +spent with her, and those were sorrowful months. In her poor, tortured +brain the idea formed that I, not she, was the sick person in our family +of two, and when we were at home together she insisted that I must lie +down and let her nurse me; then for hours she brooded over me, trying to +relieve the agony she believed I was experiencing. When at last she was +at peace her father and I took her home to Cape Cod and laid her in the +graveyard of the little church where we had met at the beginning of our +brief and beautiful friendship; and the subsequent loneliness I felt +was far greater than any I had ever suffered in the past, for now I had +learned the meaning of companionship. + +Three months after Mrs. Addy's death I graduated. She had planned +to take me abroad, and during our first winter together we had spent +countless hours talking and dreaming of our European wanderings. When +she found that she must die she made her will and left me fifteen +hundred dollars for the visit to Europe, insisting that I must carry out +the plan we had made; and during her conscious periods she constantly +talked of this and made me promise that I would go. After her death it +seemed to me that to go without her was impossible. Everything of beauty +I looked upon would hold memories of her, keeping fresh my sorrow and +emphasizing my loneliness; but it was her last expressed desire that I +should go, and I went. + +First, however, I had graduated--clad in a brandnew black silk gown, and +with five dollars in my pocket, which I kept there during the graduation +exercises. I felt a special satisfaction in the possession of that +money, for, notwithstanding the handicap of being a woman, I was said to +be the only member of my class who had worked during the entire course, +graduated free from debt, and had a new outfit as well as a few dollars +in cash. + +I graduated without any special honors. Possibly I might have won +some if I had made the effort, but my graduation year, as I have just +explained, had been very difficult. As it was, I was merely a good +average student, feeling my isolation as the only woman in my class, +but certainly not spurring on my men associates by the display of any +brilliant gifts. Naturally, I missed a great deal of class fellowship +and class support, and throughout my entire course I rarely entered my +class-room without the abysmal conviction that I was not really wanted +there. But some of the men were goodhumoredly cordial, and several of +them are among my friends to-day. Between myself and my family there +still existed the breach I had created when I began to preach. With the +exception of Mary and James, my people openly regarded me, during my +theological course, as a dweller in outer darkness, and even my mother's +love was clouded by what she felt to be my deliberate and persistent +flouting of her wishes. + +Toward the end of my university experience, however, an incident +occurred which apparently changed my mother's viewpoint. She was +now living with my sister Mary, in Big Rapids, Michigan, and, on the +occasion of one of my rare and brief visits to them I was invited to +preach in the local church. Here, for the first time, my mother heard +me. Dutifully escorted by one of my brothers, she attended church that +morning in a state of shivering nervousness. I do not know what she +expected me to do or say, but toward the end of the sermon it +became clear that I had not justified her fears. The look of intense +apprehension left her eyes, her features relaxed into placidity, and +later in the day she paid me the highest compliment I had yet received +from a member of my family. + +"I liked the sermon very much," she peacefully told my brother. "Anna +didn't say anything about hell, or about anything else!" + +When we laughed at this handsome tribute, she hastened to qualify it. + +"What I mean," she explained, "is that Anna didn't say anything +objectionable in the pulpit!" And with this recognition I was content. + +Between the death of my friend and my departure for Europe I buried +myself in the work of the university and of my little church; and as if +in answer to the call of my need, Mary E. Livermore, who had given me +the first professional encouragement I had ever received, re-entered my +life. Her husband, like myself, was pastor of a church in Hingham, and +whenever his finances grew low, or there was need of a fund for some +special purpose--conditions that usually exist in a small church--his +brilliant wife came to his assistance and raised the money, while her +husband retired modestly to the background and regarded her with adoring +eyes. On one of these occasions, I remember, when she entered the pulpit +to preach her sermon, she dropped her bonnet and coat on an unoccupied +chair. A little later there was need of this chair, and Mr. Livermore, +who sat under the pulpit, leaned forward, picked up the garments, and, +without the least trace of selfconsciousness, held them in his lap +throughout the sermon. One of the members of the church, who appeared +to be irritated by the incident, later spoke of it to him and added, +sardonically, "How does it feel to be merely 'Mrs. Livermore's +husband'?" + +In reply Mr. Livermore flashed on him one of his charming smiles. "Why, +I'm very proud of it," he said, with the utmost cheerfulness. "You see, +I'm the only man in the world who has that distinction." + +They were a charming couple, the Livermores, and they deserved far more +than they received from a world to which they gave so freely and so +richly. To me, as to others, they were more than kind; and I never +recall them without a deep feeling of gratitude and an equally deep +sense of loss in their passing. + +It was during this period, also, that I met Frances E. Willard. There +was a great Moody revival in progress in Boston, and Miss Willard was +the righthand assistant of Mr. Moody. To her that revival must have been +marked with a star, for during it she met for the first time Miss Anna +Gordon, who became her life-long friend and her biographer. The meetings +also laid the foundation of our friendship, and for many years Miss +Willard and I were closely associated in work and affection. + +On the second or third night of the revival, during one of the "mixed +meetings," attended by both women and men, Mr. Moody invited those who +were willing to talk to sinners to come to the front. I went down the +aisle with others, and found a seat near Miss Willard, to whom I was +then introduced by some one who knew us both. I wore my hair short in +those days, and I had a little fur cap on my head. Though I had been +preaching for several years, I looked absurdly young--far too young, it +soon became evident, to interest Mr. Moody. He was already moving about +among the men and women who had responded to his invitation, and one by +one he invited them to speak, passing me each time until at last I +was left alone. Then he took pity on me and came to my side to whisper +kindly that I had misunderstood his invitation. He did not want young +girls to talk to his people, he said, but mature women with worldly +experience. He advised me to go home to my mother, adding, to soften the +blow, that some time in the future when there were young girls at the +meeting I could come and talk to them. + +I made no explanations to him, but started to leave, and Miss Willard, +who saw me departing, followed and stopped me. She asked why I was +going, and I told her that Mr. Moody had sent me home to grow. +Frances Willard had a keen sense of humor, and she enjoyed the joke so +thoroughly that she finally convinced me it was amusing, though at +first the humor of it had escaped me. She took me back to Mr. Moody and +explained the situation to him, and he apologized and put me to work. +He said he had thought I was about sixteen. After that I occasionally +helped him in the intervals of my other work. + +The time had come to follow Mrs. Addy's wishes and go to Europe, and I +sailed in the month of June following my graduation, and traveled +for three months with a party of tourists under the direction of Eben +Tourgee, of the Boston Conservatory of Music. We landed in Glasgow, and +from there went to England, Belgium, Holland, Germany, France, and +last of all to Italy. Our company included many clergymen and a +never-to-be-forgotten widow whose light-hearted attitude toward the +memory of her departed spouse furnished the comedy of our first voyage. +It became a pet diversion to ask her if her husband still lived, for she +always answered the question in the same mournful words, and with the +same manner of irrepressible gaiety. + +"Oh no!" she would chirp. "My dear departed has been in our Heavenly +Father's house for the past eight years!" + +At its best, the vacation without my friend was tragically incomplete, +and only a few of its incidents stand out with clearness across the +forty-six years that have passed since then. One morning, I remember, I +preached an impromptu sermon in the Castle of Heidelberg before a large +gathering; and a little later, in Genoa, I preached a very different +sermon to a wholly different congregation. There was a gospel-ship in +the harbor, and one Saturday the pastor of it came ashore to ask if +some American clergyman in our party would preach on his ship the next +morning. He was an old-time, orthodox Presbyterian, and from the tips +of his broad-soled shoes to the severe part in the hair above his +sanctimonious brow he looked the type. I was not present when he called +at our hotel, and my absence gave my fellow-clergymen an opportunity to +play a joke on the gentleman from the gospel-ship. They assured him that +"Dr. Shaw" would preach for him, and the pastor returned to his post +greatly pleased. When they told me of his invitation, however, they did +not add that they had neglected to tell him Dr. Shaw was a woman, and I +was greatly elated by the compliment I thought had been paid me. + +Our entire party of thirty went out to the gospelship the next morning, +and when the pastor came to meet us, lank and forbidding, his austere +lips vainly trying to curve into a smile of welcome, they introduced me +to him as the minister who was to deliver the sermon. He had just taken +my hand; he dropped it as if it had burned his own. For a moment he had +no words to meet the crisis. Then he stuttered something to the effect +that the situation was impossible that his men would not listen to a +woman, that they would mob her, that it would be blasphemous for a woman +to preach. My associates, who had so light-heartedly let me in for this +unpleasant experience, now realized that they must see me through it. +They persuaded him to allow me to preach the sermon. + +With deep reluctance the pastor finally accepted me and the situation; +but when the moment came to introduce me, he devoted most of his time to +heartfelt apologies for my presence. He explained to the sailors that +I was a woman, and fervidly assured them that he himself was not +responsible for my appearance there. With every word he uttered he put a +brick in the wall he was building between me and the crew, until at last +I felt that I could never get past it. I was very unhappy, very lonely, +very homesick; and suddenly the thought came to me that these men, +notwithstanding their sullen eyes and forbidding faces, might be lonely +and homesick, too. I decided to talk to them as a woman and not as a +minister, and I came down from the pulpit and faced them on their own +level, looking them over and mentally selecting the hardest specimens of +the lot as the special objects of my appeal. One old fellow, who +looked like a pirate with his red-rimmed eyes, weather-beaten skin, +and fimbriated face, grinned up at me in such sardonic challenge that I +walked directly in front of him and began to speak. I said: + +"My friends, I hope you will forget everything Dr. Blank has just said. +It is true that I am a minister, and that I came here to preach. But now +I do not intend to preach--only to have a friendly talk, on a text which +is not in the Bible. I am very far from home, and I feel as homesick as +some of you men look. So my text is, 'Blessed are the homesick, for they +shall go home.'" + +In my summers at Cape Cod I had learned something about sailors. I knew +that in the inprepossessing congregation before me there were many boys +who had run away from home, and men who had left home because of family +troubles. I talked to the young men first, to those who had forgotten +their mothers and thought their mothers had forgotten them, and I told +of my experiences with waiting, heavy-hearted mothers who had sons at +sea. Some heads went down at that, and here and there I saw a boy gulp, +but the old fellow I was particularly anxious to move still grinned up +at me like a malicious monkey. Then I talked of the sailor's wife, and +of her double burden of homemaking and anxiety, and soon I could pick +out some of the husbands by their softened faces. But still my old +man grinned and squinted. Last of all I described the whalers who were +absent from home for years, and who came back to find their children and +their grandchildren waiting for them. I told how I had seen them, in our +New England coast towns, covered, as a ship is covered with barnacles, +by grandchildren who rode on their shoulders and sat astride of their +necks as they walked down the village streets. And now at last the sneer +left my old man's loose lips. He had grandchildren somewhere. He +twisted uneasily in his seat, coughed, and finally took out a big red +handkerchief and wiped his eyes. The episode encouraged me. + +"When I came here," I added, "I intended to preach a sermon on 'The +Heavenly Vision.' Now I want to give you a glimpse of that in addition +to the vision we have had of home." + +I ended with a bit of the sermon and a prayer, and when I raised my head +the old man of the sardonic grin was standing before me. + +"Missus," he said in a husky whisper, "I'd like to shake your hand." + +I took his hard old fist, and then, seeing that many of the other +sailors were beginning to move hospitably but shyly toward me, I said: + +"I would like to shake hands with every man here." + +At the words they surged forward, and the affair became a reception, +during which I shook hands with every sailor of my congregation. The +next day my hand was swollen out of shape, for the sailors had gripped +it as if they were hauling on a hawser; but the experience was worth +the discomfort. The best moment of the morning came, however, when the +pastor of the ship faced me, goggle-eyed and marveling. + +"I wouldn't have believed it," was all he could say. "I thought the men +would mob you." + +"Why should they mob me?" I wanted to know. + +"Why," he stammered, "because the thing is so--so--unnatural." + +"Well," I said, "if it is unnatural for women to talk to men, we have +been living in an unnatural world for a long time. Moreover, if it is +unnatural, why did Jesus send a woman out as the first preacher?" + +He waived a discussion of that question by inviting us all to his cabin +to drink wine with him--and as we were "total abstainers," it seemed +as unnatural to us to have him offer us wine as a woman's preaching had +seemed to him. + +The next European incident on which memory throws a high-light was +our audience with Pope Leo XIII. As there were several distinguished +Americans in our party, a private audience was arranged for us, and for +days before the time appointed we nervously rehearsed the etiquette of +the occasion. When we reached the Vatican we were marched between rows +of Swiss Guards to the Throne Room, only to learn there that we were +to be received in the Tapestry Room. Here we found a very impressive +assemblage of cardinals and Vatican officials, and while we were still +lost in the beauty of the picture they made against the room's +superb background, the approach of the Pope was announced. Every +one immediately knelt, except a few persons who tried to show their +democracy by standing; but I am sure that even these individuals felt a +thrill when the slight, exquisite figure appeared at the door and gave +us a general benediction. Then the Pope passed slowly down the line, +offering his hand to each of us, and radiating a charm so gracious +and so human that few failed to respond to the appeal of his engaging +personality. There was nothing fleshly about Leo XIII. His body was so +frail, so wraithlike, that one almost expected to see through it the +magnificent tapestries on the walls. But from the moment he appeared +every eye clung to him, every thought was concentrated upon him. This +effect I think he would have produced even if he had come among us +unrecognized, for through the thin shell that housed it shone the steady +flame of a wonderful spirit. + +I had previously remarked to my friends that kissing the Pope's +ring after so many other lips had touched it did not appeal to me +as hygienic, and that I intended to kiss his hand instead. When my +opportunity came I kept my word; but after I had kissed the venerable +hand I remained kneeling for an instant with bowed head, a little aghast +at my daring. The gentle Father thought, however, that I was waiting +for a special blessing. He gave it to me gravely and passed on, and I +devoted the next few hours to ungodly crowing over the associates who +had received no such individual attention. + +In Venice we attended the great fete celebrating the first visit of +King Humbert and Queen Margherita. It was also the first time Venice had +entertained a queen since the Italian union, and the sea-queen of +the Adriatic outdid herself in the gorgeousness and the beauty of her +preparations. The Grand Canal was like a flowing rainbow, reflecting +the brilliant decorations on every side, and at night the moonlight, the +music, the chiming church-bells, the colored lanterns, the gay voices, +the lapping waters against the sides of countless gondolas made the +experience seem like a dream of a new and unbelievably beautiful world. +Forty thousand persons were gathered in the Square of St. Mark and +in front of the Palace, and I recall a pretty incident in which the +gracious Queen and a little street urchin figured. The small, ragged +boy had crept as close to the royal balcony as he dared, and then, +unobserved, had climbed up one of its pillars. At the moment when a +sudden hush had fallen on the crowd this infant, overcome by patriotism +and a glimpse of the royal lady on the balcony above him, suddenly piped +up shrilly in the silence. "Long live the Queen!" he cried. "Long live +the Queen!" + +The gracious Margherita heard the childish voice, and, amused and +interested, leaned over the balcony to see where it came from. What she +saw doubtless touched the mother-heart in her. She caught the eye of +the tattered urchin clinging to the pillar, and radiantly smiled on him. +Then, probably thinking that the King was absorbing the attention of +the great assemblage, she indulged in a little diversion. Leaning +far forward, she kissed the tip of her lace handkerchief and swept +it caressingly across the boy's brown cheek, smiling down at him as +unconsciously as if she and the enraptured youngster were alone together +in the world. The next instant she had straightened up and flushed, for +the watchful crowd had seen the episode and was wild with enthusiasm. +For ten minutes the people cheered the Queen without ceasing, and for +the next few days they talked of little but the spontaneous, girlish +action which had delighted them all. + +One more sentimental record, and I shall have reached another +mile-stone. As I have said, my friend Mrs. Addy left me in her will +fifteen hundred dollars for my visit to Europe, and before I sailed +her father, who was one of the best friends I have ever had, made a +characteristically kind proposition in connection with the little fund. +Instead of giving me the money, he gave me two railroad bonds, one +for one thousand dollars, the other for five hundred dollars, and each +drawing seven per cent. interest. He suggested that I deposit these +bonds in the bank of which he was president, and borrow from the bank +the money to go abroad. Then, when I returned and went into my new +parish, I could use some of my salary every month toward repaying the +loan. These monthly payments, he explained, could be as small as I +wished, but each month the interest on the amount I paid would cease. +I gladly took his advice and borrowed seven hundred dollars. After +I returned from Europe I repaid the loan in monthly instalments, and +eventually got my bonds, which I still own. They will mature in 1916. +I have had one hundred and five dollars a year from them, in interest, +ever since I received them in 1878--more than twice as much interest +as their face value--and every time I have gone abroad I have used this +interest toward paying my passage. Thus my friend has had a share in +each of the many visits I have made to Europe, and in all of them her +memory has been vividly with me. + +With my return from Europe my real career as a minister began. The year +in the pulpit at Hingham had been merely tentative, and though I had +succeeded in building up the church membership to four times what it had +been when I took charge, I was not reappointed. I had paid off a small +church debt, and had had the building repaired, painted, and carpeted. +Now that it was out of its difficulties it offered some advantages to +the occupant of its pulpit, and of these my successor, a man, received +the benefit. I, however, had small ground for complaint, for I was at +once offered and accepted the pastorate of a church at East Dennis, Cape +Cod. Here I went in October, 1878, and here I spent seven of the most +interesting years of my life. + + + + +V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +On my return from Europe, as I have said, I took up immediately and most +buoyantly the work of my new parish. My previous occupation of various +pulpits, whether long or short, had always been in the role of a +substitute. Now, for the first time, I had a church of my own, and was +to stand or fall by the record made in it. The ink was barely dry on +my diploma from the Boston Theological School, and, as it happened, +the little church to which I was called was in the hands of two warring +factions, whose battles furnished the most fervid interest of the Cape +Cod community. But my inexperience disturbed me not at all, and I was +blissfully ignorant of the division in the congregation. So I entered my +new field as trustfully as a child enters a garden; and though I was +in trouble from the beginning, and resigned three times in startling +succession, I ended by remaining seven years. + +My appointment did not cause even a lull in the warfare among my +parishioners. Before I had crossed the threshold of my church I was +made to realize that I was shepherd of a divided flock. Exactly what +had caused the original breach I never learned; but it had widened with +time, until it seemed that no peacemaker could build a bridge large +enough to span it. As soon as I arrived in East Dennis each faction +tried to pour into my ears its bitter criticisms of the other, but I +made and consistently followed the safe rule of refusing to listen to +either side, I announced publicly that I would hear no verbal charges +whatever, but that if my two flocks would state their troubles in +writing I would call a board meeting to discuss and pass upon them. This +they both resolutely refused to do (it was apparently the first time +they had ever agreed on any point); and as I steadily declined to listen +to complaints, they devised an original method of putting them before +me. + +During the regular Thursday-night prayer-meeting, held about two weeks +after my arrival, and at which, of course, I presided, they voiced their +difficulties in public prayer, loudly and urgently calling upon the Lord +to pardon such and such a liar, mentioning the gentleman by name, and +such and such a slanderer, whose name was also submitted. By the time +the prayers were ended there were few untarnished reputations in the +congregation, and I knew, perforce, what both sides had to say. + +The following Thursday night they did the same thing, filling their +prayers with intimate and surprising details of one another's history, +and I endured the situation solely because I did not know how to meet +it. I was still young, and my theological course had set no guide-posts +on roads as new as these. To interfere with souls in their communion +with God seemed impossible; to let them continue to utter personal +attacks in church, under cover of prayer, was equally impossible. Any +course I could follow seemed to lead away from my new parish, yet both +duty and pride made prompt action necessary. By the time we gathered +for the third prayermeeting I had decided what to do, and before the +services began I rose and addressed my erring children. I explained that +the character of the prayers at our recent meetings was making us the +laughingstock of the community, that unbelievers were ridiculing our +religion, and that the discipline of the church was being wrecked; and I +ended with these words, each of which I had carefully weighed: + +"Now one of two things must happen. Either you will stop this kind +of praying, or you will remain away from our meetings. We will hold +prayermeetings on another night, and I shall refuse admission to any +among you who bring personal criticisms into your public prayers." + +As I had expected it to do, the announcement created an immediate +uproar. Both factions sprang to their feet, trying to talk at once. The +storm raged until I dismissed the congregation, telling the members that +their conduct was an insult to the Lord, and that I would not listen to +either their protests or their prayers. They went unwillingly, but they +went; and the excitement the next day raised the sick from their beds to +talk of it, and swept the length and breadth of Cape Cod. The following +Sunday the little church held the largest attendance in its history. +Seemingly, every man and woman in town had come to hear what more I +would say about the trouble, but I ignored the whole matter. I preached +the sermon I had prepared, the subject of which was as remote from +church quarrels as our atmosphere was remote from peace, and my +congregation dispersed with expressions of such artless disappointment +that it was all I could do to preserve a dignified gravity. + +That night, however, the war was brought into my camp. At the evening +meeting the leader of one of the factions rose to his feet with the +obvious purpose of starting trouble. He was a retired sea-captain, of +the ruthless type that knocks a man down with a belaying-pin, and +he made his attack on me in a characteristically "straight from the +shoulder" fashion. He began with the proposition that my morning sermon +had been "entirely contrary to the Scriptures," and for ten minutes +he quoted and misquoted me, hammering in his points. I let him go on +without interruption. Then he added: + +"And this gal comes to this church and undertakes to tell us how we +shall pray. That's a highhanded measure, and I, for one, ain't goin' to +stand it. I want to say right here that I shall pray as I like, when +I like, and where I like. I have prayed in this heavenly way for fifty +years before that gal was born, and she can't dictate to me now!" + +By this time the whole congregation was aroused, and cries of "Sit +down!" "Sit down!" came from every side of the church. It was a hard +moment, but I was able to rise with some show of dignity. I was hurt +through and through, but my fighting blood was stirring. + +"No," I said, "Captain Sears has the floor. Let him say now all he +wishes to say, for it is the last time he will ever speak at one of our +meetings." + +Captain Sears, whose exertions had already made him apoplectic, turned a +darker purple. "What's that?" he shouted. "What d'ye mean?" + +"I mean," I replied, "that I do not intend to allow you or anybody else +to interfere with my meetings. You are a sea-captain. What would you do +to me if I came on board your ship and started a mutiny in your crew, or +tried to give you orders?" + +Captain Sears did not reply. He stood still, with his legs far apart and +braced, as he always stood when talking, but his eyes shifted a little. +I answered my own question. + +"You would put me ashore or in irons," I reminded him. "Now, Captain +Sears, I intend to put you ashore. I am the master of this ship. I have +set my course, and I mean to follow it. If you rebel, either you will +get out or I will. But until the board asks for my resignation, I am in +command." + +As it happened, I had put my ultimatum in the one form the old man could +understand. He sat down without a word and stared at me. We sang the +Doxology, and I dismissed the meeting. Again we had omitted prayers. +The next day Captain Sears sent me a letter recalling his subscription +toward the support of the church; and for weeks he remained away from +our services, returning under conditions I will mention later. Even at +the time, however, his attack helped rather than hurt me. At the +regular meeting the following Thursday night no personal criticisms were +included in the prayers, and eventually we had peace. But many battles +were lost and won before that happy day arrived. + +Captain Sears's vacant place among us was promptly taken by another +captain in East Dennis, whose name was also Sears. A few days after my +encounter with the first captain I met the second on the street. He had +never come to church, and I stopped and invited him to do so. He replied +with simple candor. + +"I ain't comin'," he told me. "There ain't no gal that can teach me +nothin'." + +"Perhaps you are wrong, Captain Sears," I replied. "I might teach you +something." + +"What?" demanded the captain, with chilling distrust. + +"Oh," I said, cheerfully, "let us say tolerance, for one thing." + +"Humph!" muttered the old man. "The Lord don't want none of your +tolerance, and neither do I." + +I laughed. "He doesn't object to tolerance," I said. "Come to church. +You can talk, too; and the Lord will listen to us both." + +To my surprise, the captain came the following Sunday, and during +the seven years I remained in the church he was one of my strongest +supporters and friends. I needed friends, for my second battle was not +slow in following my first. There was, indeed, barely time between in +which to care for the wounded. + +We had in East Dennis what was known as the "Free Religious Group," and +when some of the members of my congregation were not wrangling among +themselves, they were usually locking horns with this group. For years, +I was told, one of the prime diversions of the "Free Religious" faction +was to have a dance in our town hall on the night when we were using +it for our annual church fair. The rules of the church positively +prohibited dancing, so the worldly group took peculiar pleasure in +attending the fair, and during the evening in getting up a dance and +whirling about among us, to the horror of our members. Then they spent +the remainder of the year boasting of the achievement. It came to my +ears that they had decided to follow this pleasing programme at our +Christmas church celebration, so I called the church trustees together +and put the situation to them. + +"We must either enforce our discipline," I said, "or give it up. +Personally I do not object to dancing, but, as the church has ruled +against it, I intend to uphold the church. To allow these people to make +us ridiculous year after year is impossible. Let us either tell them +that they may dance or that they may not dance; but whatever we tell +them, let us make them obey our ruling." + +The trustees were shocked at the mere suggestion of letting them dance. + +"Very well," I ended. "Then they shall not dance. That is understood." + +Captain Crowell, the father of my dead friend Mrs. Addy, and himself +my best man friend, was a strong supporter of the Free Religious Group. +When its members raced to him with the news that I had said they could +not dance at the church's Christmas party, Captain Crowell laughed +goodhumoredly and told them to dance as much as they pleased, cheerfully +adding that he would get them out of any trouble they got into. Knowing +my friendship for him, and that I even owed my church appointment to +him, the Free Religious people were certain that I would never take +issue with him on dancing or on any other point. They made all their +preparations for the dance, therefore, with entire confidence, and +boasted that the affair would be the gayest they had ever arranged. My +people began to look at me with sympathy, and for a time I felt very +sorry for myself. It seemed sufficiently clear that "the gal" was to +have more trouble. + +On the night of the party things went badly from the first. There was +an evident intention among the worst of the Free Religious Group to +embarrass us at every turn. We opened the exercises with the Lord's +Prayer, which this element loudly applauded. A live kitten was hung +high on the Christmas tree, where it squalled mournfully beyond reach of +rescue, and the young men of the outside group threw cake at one another +across the hall. Finally tiring of these innocent diversions, they began +to prepare for their dance, and I protested. The spokesman of the group +waved me to one side. + +"Captain Crowell said we could," he remarked, airily. + +"Captain Crowell," I replied, "has no authority whatever in this matter. +The church trustees have decided that you cannot dance here, and I +intend to enforce their ruling." + +It was interesting to observe how rapidly the men of my congregation +disappeared from that hall. Like shadows they crept along the walls +and vanished through the doors. But the preparations for the dance went +merrily on. I walked to the middle of the room and raised my voice. +I was always listened to, for my hearers always had the hope, usually +realized, that I was about to get into more trouble. + +"You are determined to dance," I began. "I cannot keep you from doing +so. But I can and will make you regret that you have done so. The law +of the State of Massachusetts is very definite in regard to religious +meetings and religious gatherings. This hall was engaged and paid for +by the Wesleyan Methodist Church, of which I am pastor, and we have full +control of it to-night. Every man and woman who interrupts our exercises +by attempting to dance, or by creating a disturbance of any kind, will +be arrested to-morrow morning." + +Surprise at first, then consternation, swept through the ranks of the +Free Religious Group. They denied the existence of such a law as I had +mentioned, and I promptly read it aloud to them. The leaders went off +into a corner and consulted. By this time not one man in my parish +was left in the hall. As a result of the consultation in the corner, a +committee of the would-be dancers came to me and suggested a compromise. + +"Will you agree to arrest the men only?" they wanted to know. + +"No," I declared. "On the contrary, I shall have the women arrested +first! For the women ought to be standing with me now in the support +of law and order, instead of siding with the hoodlum element you +represent." + +That settled it. No girl or woman dared to go on the dancing-floor, +and no man cared to revolve merrily by himself. A whisper went round, +however, that the dance would begin when I had left. When the clock +struck twelve, at which hour, according to the town rule, the hall had +to be closed, I was the last person to leave it. Then I locked the +door myself, and carried the key away with me. There had been no Free +Religious dance that night. + +On the following Sunday morning the attendance at my church broke all +previous records. Every seat was occupied and every aisle was filled. +Men and women came from surrounding towns, and strange horses were +tied to all the fences in East Dennis. Every person in that church +was looking for excitement, and this time my congregation got what it +expected. Before I began my sermon I read my resignation, to take effect +at the discretion of the trustees. Then, as it was presumably my last +chance to tell the people and the place what I thought of them, I spent +an hour and a half in fervidly doing so. In my study of English I +had acquired a fairly large vocabulary. I think I used it all that +morning--certainly I tried to. If ever an erring congregation and +community saw themselves as they really were, mine did on that occasion. +I was heartsick, discouraged, and full of resentment and indignation, +which until then had been pent up. Under the arraignment my people +writhed and squirmed. I ended: + +"What I am saying hurts you, but in your hearts you know you deserve +every word of it. It is high time you saw yourselves as you are--a +disgrace to the religion you profess and to the community you live in." + +I was not sure the congregation would let me finish, but it did. My +hearers seemed torn by conflicting sentiments, in which anger and +curiosity led opposing sides. Many of them left the church in a white +fury, but others--more than I had expected--remained to speak to me +and assure me of their sympathy. Once on the streets, different groups +formed and mingled, and all day the little town rocked with arguments +for and against "the gal." + +Night brought another surprisingly large attendance. I expected more +trouble, and I faced it with difficulty, for I was very tired. Just as I +took my place in the pulpit, Captain Sears entered the church and walked +down the aisle--the Captain Sears who had left us at my invitation some +weeks before and had not since attended a church service. I was sure he +was there to make another attack on me while I was down, and, expecting +the worst, I wearily gave him his opportunity. The big old fellow +stood up, braced himself on legs far apart, as if he were standing on a +slippery deck during a high sea, and gave the congregation its biggest +surprise of the year. + +He said he had come to make a confession. He had been angry with "the +gal" in the past, as they all knew. But he had heard about the sermon +she had preached that morning, and this time she was right. It was high +time quarreling and backbiting were stopped. They had been going on too +long, and no good could come of them. Moreover, in all the years he +had been a member of that congregation he had never until now seen +the pulpit occupied by a minister with enough backbone to uphold the +discipline of the church. "I've come here to say I'm with the gal," he +ended. "Put me down for my original subscription and ten dollars extra!" + +So we had the old man back again. He was a tower of strength, and he +stood by me faithfully until he died. The trustees would not accept +my resignation (indeed, they refused to consider it at all), and the +congregation, when it had thought things over, apparently decided that +there might be worse things in the pulpit than "the gal." It was even +known to brag of what it called my "spunk," and perhaps it was this +quality, rather than any other, which I most needed in that particular +parish at that time. As for me, when the fight was over I dropped it +from my mind, and it had not entered my thoughts for years, until I +began to summon these memories. + +At the end of my first six months in East Dennis I was asked to take on, +also, the temporary charge of the Congregational Church at Dennis, two +miles and a half away. I agreed to do this until a permanent pastor +could be found, on condition that I should preach at Dennis on Sunday +afternoons, using the same sermon I preached in my own pulpit in the +morning. The arrangement worked so well that it lasted for six and a +half years--until I resigned from my East Dennis church. During that +period, moreover, I not only carried the two churches on my shoulders, +holding three meetings each Sunday, but I entered upon and completed a +course in the Boston Medical School, winning my M.D. in 1885, and I also +lectured several times a month during the winter seasons. These were, +therefore, among the most strenuous as well as the most interesting +years of my existence, and I mention the strain of them only to prove my +life-long contention, that congenial work, no matter how much there is +of it, has never yet killed any one! + +After my battle with the Free Religious Group things moved much more +smoothly in the parish. Captain Crowell, instead of resenting my +defiance of his ruling, helped to reconcile the divided factions in +the church; and though, as I have said, twice afterward I submitted my +resignation, in each case the fight I was making was for a cause which I +firmly believed in and eventually won. My second resignation was brought +about by the unwillingness of the church to have me exchange pulpits +with the one minister on Cape Cod broad-minded enough to invite me to +preach in his pulpit. I had done so, and had then sent him a return +invitation. He was a gentleman and a scholar, but he was also a +Unitarian; and though my people were willing to let me preach in his +church, they were loath to let him preach in mine. After a surprising +amount of discussion my resignation put a different aspect on the +matter; it also led to the satisfactory ruling that I could exchange +pulpits not only with this minister, but with any other in good standing +in his own church. + +My third resignation went before the trustees in consequence of my +protest from the pulpit against a small drinking and gambling saloon +in East Dennis; which was rapidly demoralizing our boys. Theoretically, +only "soft drinks" were sold, but the gambling was open, and the resort +was constantly filled with boys of all ages. There were influences back +of this place which tried to protect it, and its owner was very popular +in the town. After my first sermon I was waited upon by a committee, +that warmly advised me to "let East Dennis alone" and confine my +criticisms "to saloons in Boston and other big towns." As I had nothing +to do with Boston, and much to do with East Dennis, I preached on that +place three Sundays in succession, and feeling became so intense that I +handed in my resignation and prepared to depart. Then my friends rallied +and the resort was suppressed. + +That was my last big struggle. During the remaining five years of my +pastorate on Cape Cod the relations between my people and myself were +wholly harmonious and beautiful. If I have seemed to dwell too much on +these small victories, it must be remembered that I find in them such +comfort as I can. I have not yet won the great and vital fight of my +life, to which I have given myself, heart and soul, for the past thirty +years--the campaign for woman suffrage. I have seen victories here and +there, and shall see more. But when the ultimate triumph comes--when +American women in every state cast their ballots as naturally as their +husbands do--I may not be in this world to rejoice over it. + +It is interesting to remember that during the strenuous period of the +first few months in East Dennis, and notwithstanding the division in +the congregation, we women of the church got together and repainted and +refurnished the building, raising all the money and doing much of the +work ourselves, as the expense of having it done was prohibitive. We +painted the church, and even cut down and modernized the pulpit. The +total cost of material and furniture was not half so great as the +original estimate had indicated, and we had learned a valuable lesson. +After this we spent very little money for labor, but did our own +cleaning, carpet-laying, and the like; and our little church, if I may +be allowed to say so, was a model of neatness and good taste. + +I have said that at the end of two years from the time of my appointment +the long-continued warfare in the church was ended. I was not +immediately allowed, however, to bask in an atmosphere of harmony, for +in October, 1880, the celebrated contest over my ordination took place +at the Methodist Protestant Conference in Tarrytown, New York; and for +three days I was a storm-center around which a large number of truly +good and wholly sincere men fought the fight of their religious lives. +Many of them strongly believed that women were out of place in the +ministry. I did not blame them for this conviction. But I was in the +ministry, and I was greatly handicapped by the fact that, although I was +a licensed preacher and a graduate of the Boston Theological School, I +could not, until I had been regularly ordained, meet all the functions +of my office. I could perform the marriage service, but I could not +baptize. I could bury the dead, but I could not take members into my +church. That had to be done by the presiding elder or by some other +minister. I could not administer the sacraments. So at the New England +Spring Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church, held in Boston in +1880, I formally applied for ordination. At the same time application +was made by another woman--Miss Anna Oliver--and as a preliminary +step we were both examined by the Conference board, and were formally +reported by that board as fitted for ordination. Our names were +therefore presented at the Conference, over which Bishop Andrews +presided, and he immediately refused to accept them. Miss Oliver and +I were sitting together in the gallery of the church when the bishop +announced his decision, and, while it staggered us, it did not really +surprise us. We had been warned of this gentleman's deep-seated +prejudice against women in the ministry. + +After the services were over Miss Oliver and I called on him and asked +him what we should do. He told us calmly that there was nothing for +us to do but to get out of the Church. We reminded him of our years of +study and probation, and that I had been for two years in charge of two +churches. He set his thin lips and replied that there was no place +for women in the ministry, and, as he then evidently considered the +interview ended, we left him with heavy hearts. While we were walking +slowly away, Miss Oliver confided to me that she did not intend to leave +the Church. Instead, she told me, she would stay in and fight the matter +of her ordination to a finish. I, however, felt differently. I had done +considerable fighting during the past two years, and my heart and soul +were weary. I said: "I shall get out, I am no better and no stronger +than a man, and it is all a man can do to fight the world, the flesh, +and the devil, without fighting his Church as well. I do not intend to +fight my Church. But I am called to preach the gospel; and if I cannot +preach it in my own Church, I will certainly preach it in some other +Church!" + +As if in response to this outburst, a young minister named Mark Trafton +soon called to see me. He had been present at our Conference, he had +seen my Church refuse to ordain me, and he had come to suggest that I +apply for ordination in his Church--the Methodist Protestant. To leave +my Church, even though urged to do so by its appointed spokesman, seemed +a radical step. Before taking this I appealed from the decision of the +Conference to the General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal Church, +which held its session that year in Cincinnati, Ohio. Miss Oliver +also appealed, and again we were both refused ordination, the General +Conference voting to sustain Bishop Andrews in his decision. Not content +with this achievement, the Conference even took a backward step. It +deprived us of the right to be licensed as local preachers. After this +blow I recalled with gratitude the Reverend Mark Trafton's excellent +advice, and I immediately applied for ordination in the Methodist +Protestant Church. My name was presented at the Conference held in +Tarrytown in October, 1880, and the fight was on. + +During these Conferences it is customary for each candidate to retire +while the discussion of his individual fitness for ordination is in +progress. When my name came up I was asked, as my predecessors had +been, to leave the room for a few moments. I went into an anteroom and +waited--a half-hour, an hour, all afternoon, all evening, and still +the battle raged. I varied the monotony of sitting in the anteroom by +strolls around Tarrytown, and I think I learned to know its every stone +and turn. The next day passed in the same way. At last, late on Saturday +night, it was suddenly announced by my opponents that I was not even +a member of the Church in which I had applied for ordination. The +statement created consternation among my friends. None of us had thought +of that! The bomb, timed to explode at the very end of the session, +threatened to destroy all my hopes. Of course, my opponents had +reasoned, it would be too late for me to do anything, and my name would +be dropped. + +But it was not too late. Dr. Lyman Davis, the pastor of the Methodist +Protestant Church in Tarrytown, was very friendly toward me and my +ordination, and he proved his friendship in a singularly prompt and +efficient fashion. Late as it was, he immediately called together +the trustees of his church, and they responded. To them I made my +application for church membership, which they accepted within five +minutes. I was now a member of the Church, but it was too late to obtain +any further action from the Conference. The next day, Sunday, all the +men who had applied for ordination were ordained, and I was left out. + +On Monday morning, however, when the Conference met in its final +business session, my case was reopened, and I was eventually called +before the members to answer questions. Some of these were extremely +interesting, and several of the episodes that occurred were very +amusing. One old gentleman I can see as I write. He was greatly excited, +and he led the opposition by racing up and down the aisles, quoting +from the Scriptures to prove his case against women ministers. As he +ran about he had a trick of putting his arms under the back of his coat, +making his coat-tails stand out like wings and incidentally revealing +two long white tapestrings belonging to a flannel undergarment. Even +in the painful stress of those hours I observed with interest how +beautifully those tape-strings were ironed! + +I was there to answer any questions that were asked of me, and the +questions came like hailstones in a sudden summer storm. + +"Paul said, 'Wives, obey your husbands,'" shouted my old man of the +coat-tails. "Suppose your husband should refuse to allow you to preach? +What then?" + +"In the first place," I answered, "Paul did not say so, according to +the Scriptures. But even if he did, it would not concern me, for I am a +spinster." + +The old man looked me over. "You might marry some day," he predicted, +cautiously. + +"Possibly," I admitted. "Wiser women than I am have married. But it +is equally possible that I might marry a man who would command me to +preach; and in that case I want to be all ready to obey him." + +At this another man, a bachelor, also began to draw from the Scriptures. +"An elder," he quoted, "shall be the husband of one wife." And he +demanded, triumphantly, "How is it possible for you to be the husband of +a wife?" + +In response to that I quoted a bit myself. "Paul said, 'Anathema unto +him who addeth to or taketh from the Scriptures,'" I reminded this +gentleman; and added that a twisted interpretation of the Scriptures was +as bad as adding to or taking from them, and that no one doubted that +Paul was warning the elders against polygamy. Then I went a bit further, +for by this time the absurd character of the questions was getting on my +nerves. + +"Even if my good brother's interpretation is correct," I said, "he has +overlooked two important points. Though he is an elder, he is also a +bachelor; so I am as much of a husband as he is!" + +A good deal of that sort of thing went on. The most satisfactory episode +of the session, to me, was the downfall of three pert young men who in +turn tried to make it appear that as the duty of the Conference was to +provide churches for all its pastors, I might become a burden to the +Church if it proved impossible to provide a pastorate for me. At that, +one of my friends in the council rose to his feet. + +"I have had official occasion to examine into the matter of Miss Shaw's +parish and salary," he said, "and I know what salaries the last three +speakers are drawing. It may interest the Conference to know that Miss +Shaw's present salary equals the combined salaries of the three young +men who are so afraid she will be a burden to the Church. If, before +being ordained, she can earn three times as much as they now earn after +being ordained, it seems fairly clear that they will never have to +support her. We can only hope that she will never have to support them." + +The three young ministers subsided into their seats with painful +abruptness, and from that time my opponents were more careful in their +remarks. Still, many unpleasant things were said, and too much warmth +was shown by both sides. We gained ground through the day, however, and +at the end of the session the Conference, by a large majority, voted to +ordain me. + +The ordination service was fixed for the following evening, and even the +gentlemen who had most vigorously opposed me were not averse to making +the occasion a profitable one. The contention had already enormously +advertised the Conference, and the members now helped the good work +along by sending forth widespread announcements of the result. They also +decided that, as the attendance at the service would be very large, they +would take up a collection for the support of superannuated ministers. +The three young men who had feared I would become a burden were +especially active in the matter of this collection; and, as they had no +sense of humor, it did not seem incongruous to them to use my ordination +as a means of raising money for men who had already become burdens to +the Church. + +When the great night came (on October 12, 1880), the expected crowd came +also. And to the credit of my opponents I must add that, having lost +their fight, they took their defeat in good part and gracefully assisted +in the services. Sitting in one of the front pews was Mrs. Stiles, the +wife of Dr. Stiles, who was superintendent of the Conference. She was +a dear little old lady of seventy, with a big, maternal heart; and when +she saw me rise to walk up the aisle alone, she immediately rose, too, +came to my side, offered me her arm, and led me to the altar. + +The ordination service was very impressive and beautiful. Its peace +and dignity, following the battle that had raged for days, moved me +so deeply that I was nearly overcome. Indeed, I was on the verge of a +breakdown when I was mercifully saved by the clause in the discipline +calling for the pledge all ministers had to make--that I would not +indulge in the use of tobacco. When this vow fell from my lips a +perceptible ripple ran over the congregation. + +I was homesick for my Cape Cod parish, and I returned to East Dennis +immediately after my ordination, arriving there on Saturday night. +I knew by the suppressed excitement of my friends that some surprise +awaited me, but I did not learn what it was until I entered my dear +little church the following morning. There I found the communion-table +set forth with a beautiful new communion-service. This had been +purchased during my absence, that I might dedicate it that day and for +the first time administer the sacrament to my people. + + + + +VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES + +Looking back now upon those days, I see my Cape Cod friends as clearly +as if the intervening years had been wiped out and we were again +together. Among those I most loved were two widely differing +types--Captain Doane, a retired sea-captain, and Relief Paine, an +invalid chained to her couch, but whose beautiful influence permeated +the community like an atmosphere. Captain Doane was one of the finest +men I have ever known--highminded, tolerant, sympathetic, and full of +understanding, He was not only my friend, but my church barometer. He +occupied a front pew, close to the pulpit; and when I was preaching +without making much appeal he sat looking me straight in the face, +listening courteously, but without interest. When I got into my subject, +he would lean forward--the angle at which he sat indicating the +degree of attention I had aroused--and when I was strongly holding my +congregation Brother Doane would bend toward me, following every word +I uttered with corresponding motions of his lips. When I resigned we +parted with deep regret, but it was not until I visited the church +several years afterward that he overcame his reserve enough to tell me +how much he had felt my going. + +"Oh, did you?" I asked, greatly touched. "You're not saying that merely +to please me?" + +The old man's hand fell on my shoulder. "I miss you," he said, simply. +"I miss you all the time. You see, I love you." Then, with precipitate +selfconsciousness, he closed the door of his New England heart, and from +some remote corner of it sent out his cautious after-thought. "I love +you," he repeated, primly, "as a sister in the Lord." + +Relief Paine lived in Brewster. Her name seemed prophetic, and she once +told me that she had always considered it so. Her brother-in-law was my +Sunday-school superintendent, and her family belonged to my church. Very +soon after my arrival in East Dennis I went to see her, and found +her, as she always was, dressed in white and lying on a tiny white bed +covered with pansies, in a room whose windows overlooked the sea. I +shall never forget the picture she made. Over her shoulders was an +exquisite white lace shawl brought from the other side of the world by +some seafaring friend, and against her white pillow her hair seemed the +blackest I had ever seen. When I entered she turned and looked toward +me with wonderful dark eyes that were quite blind, and as she talked her +hands played with the pansies around her. She loved pansies as she loved +few human beings, and she knew their colors by touching them. She was +then a little more than thirty years of age. At sixteen she had fallen +downstairs in the dark, receiving an injury that paralyzed her, and +for fifteen years she had lain on one side, perfectly still, the Stella +Maris of the Cape. All who came to her, and they were many, went away +the better for the visit, and the mere mention of her name along the +coast softened eyes that had looked too bitterly on life. + +Relief and I became close friends. I was greatly drawn to her, and +deeply moved by the tragedy of her situation, as well as by the +beautiful spirit with which she bore it. During my first visit I regaled +her with stories of the community and of my own experiences, and when I +was leaving it occurred to me that possibly I had been rather frivolous. +So I said: + +"I am coming to see you often, and when I come I want to do whatever +will interest you most. Shall I bring some books and read to you?" + +Relief smiled--the gay, mischievous little smile I was soon to know so +well, but which at first seemed out of place on the tragic mask of her +face. + +"No, don't read to me," she decided. "There are enough ready to do that. +Talk to me. Tell me about our life and our people here, as they strike +you." And she added, slowly: "You are a queer minister. You have not +offered to pray with me!" + +"I feel," I told her, "more like asking you to pray for me." + +Relief continued her analysis. "You have not told me that my affliction +was a visitation from God," she added; "that it was discipline and well +for me I had it." + +"I don't believe it was from God," I said. "I don't believe God had +anything to do with it. And I rejoice that you have not let it wreck +your life." + +She pressed my hand. "Thank you for saying that," she murmured. "If I +thought God did it I could not love Him, and if I did not love Him I +could not live. Please come and see me VERY often--and tell me stories!" + +After that I collected stories for Relief. One of those which most +amused her, I remember, was about my horse, and this encourages me to +repeat it here. In my life in East Dennis I did not occupy the lonely +little parsonage connected with my church, but instead boarded with a +friend--a widow named Crowell. (There seemed only two names in Cape Cod: +Sears and Crowell.) To keep in touch with my two churches, which were +almost three miles apart, it became necessary to have a horse. As Mrs. +Crowell needed one, too, we decided to buy the animal in partnership, +and Miss Crowell, the daughter of the widow, who knew no more about +horses than I did, undertook to lend me the support of her presence and +advice during the purchase. We did not care to have the entire community +take a passionate interest in the matter, as it would certainly have +done if it had heard of our intention; so my friend and I departed +somewhat stealthily for a neighboring town, where, we had heard, a very +good horse was offered for sale. We saw the animal and liked it; but +before closing the bargain we cannily asked the owner if the horse was +perfectly sound, and if it was gentle with women. He assured us that it +was both sound and gentle with women, and to prove the latter point +he had his wife harness it to the buggy and drive it around the +stable-yard. The animal behaved beautifully. After it had gone through +its paces, Miss Crowell and I leaned confidingly against its side, +patting it and praising its beauty, and the horse seemed to enjoy our +attentions. We bought it then and there, drove it home, and put it in +our barn; and the next morning we hired a man in the neighborhood to +come over and take care of it. + +He arrived. Five minutes later a frightful racket broke out in the +barn--sounds of stamping, kicking, and plunging, mingled with loud +shouts. We ran to the scene of the trouble, and found our "hired man" +rushing breathlessly toward the house. When he was able to speak he +informed us that we had "a devil in there," pointing back to the barn, +and that the new horse's legs were in the air, all four of them at once, +the minute he went near her. We insisted that he must have frightened or +hurt her, but, solemnly and with anxious looks behind, he protested that +he had not. Finally Miss Crowell and I went into the barn, and received +a dignified welcome from the new horse, which seemed pleased by our +visit. Together we harnessed her and, without the least difficulty, +drove her out into the yard. As soon as our man took the reins, however, +she reared, kicked, and smashed our brand-new buggy. We changed the man +and had the buggy repaired, but by the end of the week the animal had +smashed the buggy again. Then, with some natural resentment, we made a +second visit to the man from whom we had bought her, and asked him why +he had sold us such a horse. + +He said he had told us the exact truth. The horse WAS sound and she WAS +extremely gentle with women, but--and this point he had seen no reason +to mention, as we had not asked about it--she would not let a man come +near her. He firmly refused to take her back, and we had to make the +best of the bargain. As it was impossible to take care of her ourselves, +I gave some thought to the problem she presented, and finally devised a +plan which worked very well. I hired a neighbor who was a small, slight +man to take care of her, and made him wear his wife's sunbonnet and +waterproof cloak whenever he approached the horse. The picture he +presented in these garments still stands out pleasantly against the +background of my Cape Cod memories. The horse, however, did not share +our appreciation of it. She was suspicious, and for a time she shied +whenever the man and his sunbonnet and cloak appeared; but we stood by +until she grew accustomed to them and him; and as he was both patient +and gentle, she finally allowed him to harness and unharness her. But +no man could drive her, and when I drove to church I was forced to hitch +and unhitch her myself. No one else could do it, though many a gallant +and subsequently resentful man attempted the feat. + +On one occasion a man I greatly disliked, and who I had reason to know +disliked me, insisted that he could unhitch her, and started to do so, +notwithstanding my protests and explanations. At his approach she rose +on her hind-legs, and when he grasped her bridle she lifted him off his +feet. His expression as he hung in mid-air was an extraordinary mixture +of surprise and regret. The moment I touched her, however, she quieted +down, and when I got into the buggy and gathered up the reins she +walked off like a lamb, leaving the man staring after her with his eyes +starting from his head. + +The previous owner had called the horse Daisy, and we never changed the +name, though it always seemed sadly inappropriate. Time proved, however, +that there were advantages in the ownership of Daisy. No man would allow +his wife or daughter to drive behind her, and no one wanted to borrow +her. If she had been a different kind of animal she would have been +used by the whole community, We kept Daisy for seven years, and our +acquaintance ripened into a pleasant friendship. + +Another Cape Cod resident to whose memory I must offer tribute in +these pages was Polly Ann Sears--one of the dearest and best of my +parishioners. She had six sons, and when five had gone to sea she +insisted that the sixth must remain at home. In vain the boy begged +her to let him follow his brothers. She stood firm. The sea, she said, +should not swallow all her boys; she had given it five--she must keep +one. + +As it happened, the son she kept at home was the only one who was +drowned. He was caught in a fish-net and dragged under the waters of +the bay near his home; and when I went to see his mother to offer such +comfort as I could, she showed that she had learned the big lesson of +the experience. + +"I tried to be a special Providence," she moaned, "and the one boy I +kept home was the only boy I lost. I ain't a-goin' to be a Providence no +more." + +The number of funerals on Cape Cod was tragically large. I was in +great demand on these occasions, and went all over the Cape, conducting +funeral services--which seemed to be the one thing people thought I +could do--and preaching funeral sermons. Besides the victims of the sea, +many of the residents who had drifted away were brought back to +sleep their last sleep within sound of the waves. Once I asked an old +sea-captain why so many Cape Cod men and women who had been gone for +years asked to be buried near their old homes, and his reply still +lingers in my memory. He poked his toe in the sand for a moment and then +said, slowly: + +"Wal, I reckon it's because the Cape has such warm, comfortable sand to +lie down in." + +My friend Mrs. Addy lay in the Crowell family lot, and during my +pastorate at East Dennis I preached the funeral sermon of her father, +and later of her mother. Long after I had left Cape Cod I was frequently +called back to say the last words over the coffins of my old friends, +and the saddest of those journeys was the one I made in response to +a telegram from the mother of Relief Paine. When I had arrived and we +stood together beside the exquisite figure that seemed hardly more quiet +in death than in life, Mrs. Paine voiced in her few words the feeling +of the whole community--"Where shall we get our comfort and our +inspiration, now that Relief is gone?" + +The funeral which took all my courage from me, however, was that of +my sister Mary. In its suddenness, Mary's death, in 1883, was as a +thunderbolt from the blue; for she had been in perfect health three days +before she passed away. I was still in charge of my two parishes in +Cape Cod, but, as it mercifully happened, before she was stricken I had +started West to visit Mary in her home at Big Rapids. When I arrived +on the second day of her illness, knowing nothing of it until I reached +her, I found her already past hope. Her disease was pneumonia, but she +was conscious to the end, and her greatest desire seemed to be to see me +christen her little daughter and her husband before she left them. This +could not be realized, for my brotherin-law was absent on business, +and with all his haste in returning did not reach his wife's side until +after her death. As his one thought then was to carry out her last +wishes, I christened him and his little girl just before the funeral; +and during the ceremony we all experienced a deep conviction that Mary +knew and was content. + +She had become a power in her community, and was so dearly loved that +on the day her body was borne to its last resting-place all the business +houses in Big Rapids were closed, and the streets were filled with men +who stood with bent, uncovered heads as the funeral procession went by. +My father and mother, also, to whom she had given a home after they left +the log-cabin where they had lived so long, had made many friends in +their new environment and were affectionately known throughout the whole +region as "Grandma and Grandpa Shaw." + +When I returned to East Dennis I brought my mother and Mary's three +children with me, and they remained throughout the spring and summer. +I had hoped that they would remain permanently, and had rented and +furnished a home for them with that end in view; but, though they +enjoyed their visit, the prospect of the bleak winters of Cape Cod +disturbed my mother, and they all returned to Big Rapids late in the +autumn. Since entering upon my parish work it had been possible for me +to help my father and mother financially; and from the time of Mary's +death I had the privilege, a very precious one, of seeing that they were +well cared for and contented. They were always appreciative, and as time +passed they became more reconciled to the career I had chosen, and which +in former days had filled them with such dire forebodings. + + +After I had been in East Dennis four years I began to feel that I +was getting into a rut. It seemed to me that all I could do in that +particular field had been done. My people wished me to remain, however, +and so, partly as an outlet for my surplus energy, but more especially +because I realized the splendid work women could do as physicians, I +began to study medicine. The trustees gave me permission to go to Boston +on certain days of each week, and we soon found that I could carry on my +work as a medical student without in the least neglecting my duty toward +my parish. + +I entered the Boston Medical School in 1882, and obtained my diploma +as a full-fledged physician in 1885. During this period I also began to +lecture for the Massachusetts Woman Suffrage Association, of which +Lucy Stone was president. Henry Blackwell was associated with her, and +together they developed in me a vital interest in the suffrage cause, +which grew steadily from that time until it became the dominating +influence in my life. I preached it in the pulpit, talked it to those I +met outside of the church, lectured on it whenever I had an opportunity, +and carried it into my medical work in the Boston slums when I was +trying my prentice hand on helpless pauper patients. + +Here again, in my association with the women of the streets, I realized +the limitations of my work in the ministry and in medicine. As minister +to soul and body one could do little for these women. For such as them, +one's efforts must begin at the very foundation of the social structure. +Laws for them must be made and enforced, and some of those laws could +only be made and enforced by women. So many great avenues of life were +opening up before me that my Cape Cod environment seemed almost a prison +where I was held with tender force. I loved my people and they loved +me--but the big outer world was calling, and I could not close my ears +to its summons. The suffrage lectures helped to keep me contented, +however, and I was certainly busy enough to find happiness in my work. + +I was in Boston three nights a week, and during these nights subject +to sick calls at any hour. My favorite associates were Dr. Caroline +Hastings, our professor of anatomy, and little Dr. Mary Safford, a +mite of a woman with an indomitable soul. Dr. Safford was especially +prominent in philanthropic work in Massachusetts, and it was said of her +that at any hour of the day or night she could be found working in the +slums of Boston. I, too, could frequently be found there--often, no +doubt, to the disadvantage of my patients. I was quite famous in three +Boston alleys--Maiden's Lane, Fellows Court, and Andrews Court. It most +fortunately happened that I did not lose a case in those alleys, though +I took all kinds, as I had to treat a certain number of surgical and +obstetrical cases in my course. No doubt my patients and I had many +narrow escapes of which we were blissfully ignorant, but I remember +two which for a long time afterward continued to be features of my most +troubled dreams. + +The first was that of a big Irishman who had pneumonia. When I looked +him over I was as much frightened as he was. I had got as far as +pneumonia in my course, and I realized that here was a bad case of it. +I knew what to do. The patient must be carefully packed in towels wrung +out of cold water. When I called for towels I found that there was +nothing in the place but a dish-towel, which I washed with portentous +gravity. The man owned but one shirt, and, in deference to my visit, +his wife had removed that to wash it. I packed the patient in the +dish-towel, wrapped him in a piece of an old shawl, and left after +instructing his wife to repeat the process. When I reached home I +remembered that the patient must be packed "carefully," and I knew that +his wife would do it carelessly. That meant great risk to the man's +life. My impulse was to rush back to him at once, but this would never +do. It would destroy all confidence in the doctor. I walked the floor +for three hours, and then casually strolled in upon my patient, finding +him, to my great relief, better than I had left him. As I was leaving, a +child rushed into the room, begging me to come to an upper floor in the +same building. + +"The baby's got the croup," she gasped, "an' he's chokin' to death." + +We had not reached croup in our course, and I had no idea what to do, +but I valiantly accompanied the little girl. As we climbed the long +flights of stairs to the top floor I remembered a conversation I had +overheard between two medical students. One of them had said: "If the +child is strangling when it inhales, as if it were breathing through a +sponge, then give it spongia; but if it is strangling when it breathes +out, give it aconite." + +When I reached the baby I listened, but could not tell which way it was +strangling. However, I happened to have both medicines with me, so +I called for two glasses and mixed the two remedies, each in its +own glass. I gave them both to the mother, and told her to use them +alternately, every fifteen minutes, until the baby was better. The baby +got well; but whether its recovery was due to the spongia or to the +aconite I never knew. + +In my senior year I fell in love with an infant of three, named Patsy. +He was one of nine children when I was called to deliver his mother of +her tenth child. She was drunk when I reached her, and so were two men +who lay on the floor in the same room. I had them carried out, and after +the mother and baby had been attended to I noticed Patsy. He was the +most beautiful child I had ever seen--with eyes like Italian skies and +yellow hair in tight curls over his adorable little head; but he was +covered with filthy rags. I borrowed him, took him home with me, and fed +and bathed him, and the next day fitted him out with new clothes. Every +hour I had him tightened his hold on my heart-strings. I went to his +mother and begged her to let me keep him, but she refused, and after a +great deal of argument and entreaty I had to return him to her. When I +went to see him a few days later I found him again in his horrible rags. +His mother had pawned his new clothes for drink, and she was deeply +under its influence. But no pressure I could exert then or later would +make her part with Patsy. Finally, for my own peace of mind, I had +to give up hope of getting him--but I have never ceased to regret the +little adopted son I might have had. + + + + +VII. THE GREAT CAUSE + +There is a theory that every seven years each human being undergoes +a complete physical reconstruction, with corresponding changes in his +mental and spiritual make-up. Possibly it was due to this reconstruction +that, at the end of seven years on Cape Cod, my soul sent forth a sudden +call to arms. I was, it reminded me, taking life too easily; I was +in danger of settling into an agreeable routine. The work of my two +churches made little drain on my superabundant vitality, and not +even the winning of a medical degree and the increasing demands of my +activities on the lecture platform wholly eased my conscience. I was +happy, for I loved my people and they seemed to love me. It would have +been pleasant to go on almost indefinitely, living the life of a country +minister and telling myself that what I could give to my flock made such +a life worth while. + +But all the time, deep in my heart, I realized the needs of the outside +world, and heard its prayer for workers. My theological and medical +courses in Boston, with the experiences that accompanied them, had +greatly widened my horizon. Moreover, at my invitation, many of the +noble women of the day were coming to East Dennis to lecture, bringing +with them the stirring atmosphere of the conflicts they were waging. +One of the first of these was my friend Mary A. Livermore; and after her +came Julia Ward Howe, Anna Garlin Spencer, Lucy Stone, Mary F. Eastman, +and many others, each charged with inspiration for my people and with +a special message for me, which she sent forth unknowingly and which +I alone heard. They were fighting great battles, these women--for +suffrage, for temperance, for social purity--and in every word they +uttered I heard a rallying-cry. So it was that, in 1885, I suddenly +pulled myself up to a radical decision and sent my resignation to the +trustees of the two churches whose pastor I had been since 1878. + +The action caused a demonstration of regret which made it hard to keep +to my resolution and leave these men and women whose friendship was +among the dearest of my possessions. But when we had all talked things +over, many of them saw the situation as I did. No doubt there were +those, too, who felt that a change of ministry would be good for the +churches. During the weeks that followed my resignation I received many +odd tributes, and of these one of the most amusing came from a young +girl in the parish, who broke into loud protests when she heard that I +was going away. To comfort her I predicted that she would now have a man +minister--doubtless a very nice man. But the young person continued to +sniffle disconsolately. + +"I don't want a man," she wailed. "I don't like to see men in pulpits. +They look so awkward." Her grief culminated in a final outburst. +"They're all arms and legs!" she sobbed. + +When my resignation was finally accepted, and the time of my departure +drew near, the men of the community spent much of their leisure in +discussing it and me. The social center of East Dennis was a certain +grocery, to which almost every man in town regularly wended his way, +and from which all the gossip of the town emanated. Here the men sat +for hours, tilted back in their chairs, whittling the rungs until they +nearly cut the chairs from under them, and telling one another all they +knew or had heard about their fellow-townsmen. Then, after each session, +they would return home and repeat the gossip to their wives. I used to +say that I would give a dollar to any woman in East Dennis who could +quote a bit of gossip which did not come from the men at that grocery. +Even my old friend Captain Doane, fine and high-minded citizen though +he was, was not above enjoying the mild diversion of these social +gatherings, and on one occasion at least he furnished the best part of +the entertainment. The departing minister was, it seemed, the topic of +the day's discussion, and, to tease Captain Doane one young man who +knew the strength of his friendship for me suddenly began to speak, then +pursed up his lips and looked eloquently mysterious. As he had expected, +Captain Doane immediately pounced on him. + +"What's the matter with you?" demanded the old man. "Hev you got +anything agin Miss Shaw?" + +The young man sighed and murmured that if he wished he could repeat a +charge never before made against a Cape Cod minister, but--and he shut +his lips more obviously. The other men, who were in the plot, grinned, +and this added the last touch to Captain Doane's indignation. He sprang +to his feet. One of his peculiarities was a constant misuse of words, +and now, in his excitement, he outdid himself. + +"You've made an incineration against Miss Shaw," he shouted. "Do you +hear--AN INCINERATION! Take it back or take a lickin'!" + +The young man decided that the joke had gone far enough, so he answered, +mildly: "Well, it is said that all the women in town are in love with +Miss Shaw. Has that been charged against any other minister here?" + +The men roared with laughter, and Captain Doane sat down, looking +sheepish. + +"All I got to say is this," he muttered: "That gal has been in this +community for seven years, and she 'ain't done a thing during the hull +seven years that any one kin lay a finger on!" + +The men shouted again at this back-handed tribute, and the old fellow +left the grocery in a huff. Later I was told of the "incineration" and +his eloquent defense of me, and I thanked him for it. But I added: + +"I hear you said I haven't done a thing in seven years that any one can +lay a finger on?" + +"I said it," declared the Captain, "and I'll stand by it." + +"Haven't I done any good?" I asked. + +"Sartin you have," he assured me, heartily. "Lots of good." + +"Well," I said, "can't you put your finger on that?" + +The Captain looked startled. "Why--why--Sister Shaw," he stammered, +"you know I didn't mean THAT! What I meant," he repeated, slowly and +solemnly, "was that the hull time you been here you ain't done nothin' +anybody could put a finger on!" + +Captain Doane apparently shared my girl parishioner's prejudice against +men in the pulpit, for long afterward, on one of my visits to Cape Cod, +he admitted that he now went to church very rarely. + +"When I heard you preach," he explained, "I gen'ally followed you +through and I knowed where you was a-comin' out. But these young fellers +that come from the theological school--why, Sister Shaw, the Lord +Himself don't know where they're comin' out!" + +For a moment he pondered. Then he uttered a valedictory which I have +always been glad to recall as his last message, for I never saw him +again. + +"When you fust come to us," he said, "you had a lot of crooked places, +an' we had a lot of crooked places; and we kind of run into each other, +all of us. But before you left, Sister Shaw, why, all the crooked places +was wore off and everything was as smooth as silk." + +"Yes," I agreed, "and that was the time to leave--when everything was +running smoothly." + +All is changed on Cape Cod since those days, thirty years ago. The old +families have died or moved away, and those who replaced them were of a +different type. I am happy in having known and loved the Cape as it was, +and in having gathered there a store of delightful memories. In later +strenuous years it has rested me merely to think of the place, and long +afterward I showed my continued love of it by building a home there, +which I still possess. But I had little time to rest in this or in my +Moylan home, of which I shall write later, for now I was back in Boston, +living my new life, and each crowded hour brought me more to do. + +We were entering upon a deeply significant period. For the first time +women were going into industrial competition with men, and already +men were intensely resenting their presence. Around me I saw women +overworked and underpaid, doing men's work at half men's wages, not +because their work was inferior, but because they were women. Again, +too, I studied the obtrusive problems of the poor and of the women +of the streets; and, looking at the whole social situation from every +angle, I could find but one solution for women--the removal of the +stigma of disfranchisement. As man's equal before the law, woman could +demand her rights, asking favors from no one. With all my heart I joined +in the crusade of the men and women who were fighting for her. My real +work had begun. + +Naturally, at this period, I frequently met the members of Boston's most +inspiring group--the Emersons and John Greenleaf Whittier, James Freeman +Clark, Reverend Minot Savage, Bronson Alcott and his daughter Louisa, +Wendell Phillips, William Lloyd Garrison, Stephen Foster, Theodore Weld, +and the rest. Of them all, my favorite was Whittier. He had been present +at my graduation from the theological school, and now he often attended +our suffrage meetings. He was already an old man, nearing the end of +his life; and I recall him as singularly tall and thin, almost gaunt, +bending forward as he talked, and wearing an expression of great +serenity and benignity. I once told Susan B. Anthony that if I needed +help in a crowd of strangers that included her, I would immediately +turn to her, knowing from her face that, whatever I had done, she would +understand and assist me. I could have offered the same tribute to +Whittier. At our meetings he was like a vesper-bell chiming above a +battle-field. Garrison always became excited during our discussions, and +the others frequently did; but Whittier, in whose big heart the love +of his fellow-man burned as unquenchably as in any heart there, always +preserved his exquisite tranquillity. + +Once, I remember, Stephen Foster insisted on having the word "tyranny" +put into a resolution, stating that women were deprived of suffrage by +the TYRANNY of men. Mr. Garrison objected, and the debate that followed +was the most exciting I have ever heard. The combatants actually had +to adjourn before they could calm down sufficiently to go on with +their meeting. Knowing the stimulating atmosphere to which he had grown +accustomed, I was not surprised to have Theodore Weld explain to me; +long afterward, why he no longer attended suffrage meetings. + +"Oh," he said, "why should I go? There hasn't been any one mobbed in +twenty years!" + +The Ralph Waldo Emersons occasionally attended our meetings, and Mr. +Emerson, at first opposed to woman suffrage, became a convert to it +during the last years of his life--a fact his son and daughter omitted +to mention in his biography. After his death I gave two suffrage +lectures in Concord, and each time Mrs. Emerson paid for the hall. At +these lectures Louisa M. Alcott graced the assembly with her splendid, +wholesome presence, and on both occasions she was surrounded by a group +of boys. She frankly cared much more for boys than for girls, and boys +inevitably gravitated to her whenever she entered a place where they +were. When women were given school suffrage in Massachusetts, Miss +Alcott was the first woman to vote in Concord, and she went to the polls +accompanied by a group of her boys, all ardently "for the Cause." My +general impression of her was that of a fresh breeze blowing over wide +moors. She was as different as possible from exquisite little Mrs. +Emerson, who, in her daintiness and quiet charm, suggested an old New +England garden. + +Of Abby May and Edna Cheney I retain a general impression of +"bagginess"--of loose jackets over loose waistbands, of escaping locks +of hair, of bodies seemingly one size from the neck down. Both women +were utterly indifferent to the details of their appearance, but they +were splendid workers and leading spirits in the New England Woman's +Club. It was said to be the trouble between Abby May and Kate Gannett +Wells, both of whom stood for the presidency of the club, that led to +the beginning of the anti-suffrage movement in Boston. Abby May was +elected president, and all the suffragists voted for her. Subsequently +Kate Gannett Wells began her anti-suffrage campaign. Mrs. Wells was the +first anti-suffragist I ever knew in this country. Before her there had +been Mrs. Dahlgren, wife of Admiral Dahlgren, and Mrs. William Tecumseh +Sherman. On one occasion Elizabeth Cady Stanton challenged Mrs. Dahlgren +to a debate on woman suffrage, and in the light of later events Mrs. +Dahlgren's reply is amusing. She declined the challenge, explaining that +for anti-suffragists to appear upon a public platform would be a +direct violation of the principle for which they stood--which was the +protection of female modesty! Recalling this, and the present hectic +activity of the anti-suffragists, one must feel that they have either +abandoned their principle or widened their views. For Julia Ward Howe I +had an immense admiration; but, though from first to last I saw much of +her, I never felt that I really knew her. She was a woman of the widest +culture, interested in every progressive movement. With all her big +heart she tried to be a democrat, but she was an aristocrat to the very +core of her, and, despite her wonderful work for others, she lived in +a splendid isolation. Once when I called on her I found her resting her +mind by reading Greek, and she laughingly admitted that she was using +a Latin pony, adding that she was growing "rusty." She seemed a little +embarrassed by being caught with the pony, but she must have been +reassured by my cheerful confession that if _I_ tried to read either +Latin or Greek I should need an English pony. + +Of Frances E. Willard, who frequently came to Boston, I saw a great +deal, and we soon became closely associated in our work. Early in our +friendship, and at Miss Willard's suggestion, we made a compact that +once a week each of us would point out to the other her most serious +faults, and thereby help her to remedy them; but we were both too sane +to do anything of the kind, and the project soon died a natural death. +The nearest I ever came to carrying it out was in warning Miss Willard +that she was constantly defying all the laws of personal hygiene. She +never rested, rarely seemed to sleep, and had to be reminded at the +table that she was there for the purpose of eating food. She was always +absorbed in some great interest, and oblivious to anything else, I never +knew a woman who could grip an audience and carry it with her as she +could. She was intensely emotional, and swayed others by their emotions +rather than by logic; yet she was the least conscious of her physical +existence of any one I ever knew, with the exception of Susan B. +Anthony. Like "Aunt Susan," Miss Willard paid no heed to cold or heat or +hunger, to privation or fatigue. In their relations to such trifles both +women were disembodied spirits. + +Another woman doing wonderful work at this time was Mrs. Quincy Shaw, +who had recently started her day nurseries for the care of tenement +children whose mothers labored by the day. These nurseries were new in +Boston, as was the kindergarten system she also established. I saw the +effect of her work in the lives of the people, and it strengthened my +growing conviction that little could be done for the poor in a spiritual +or educational way until they were given a certain amount of physical +comfort, and until more time was devoted to the problem of prevention. +Indeed, the more I studied economic issues, the more strongly I felt +that the position of most philanthropists is that of men who stand at +the bottom of a precipice gathering up and trying to heal those who +fall into it, instead of guarding the top and preventing them from going +over. + +Of course I had to earn my living; but, though I had taken my medical +degree only a few months before leaving Cape Cod, I had no intention +of practising medicine. I had merely wished to add a certain amount +of medical knowledge to my mental equipment. The Massachusetts Woman +Suffrage Association, of which Lucy Stone was president, had frequently +employed me as a lecturer during the last two years of my pastorate. Now +it offered me a salary of one hundred dollars a month as a lecturer and +organizer. Though I may not have seemed so in these reminiscences, in +which I have written as freely of my small victories as of my struggles +and failures, I was a modest young person. The amount seemed too large, +and I told Mrs. Stone as much, after which I humbly fixed my salary at +fifty dollars a month. At the end of a year of work I felt that I had +"made good"; then I asked for and received the one hundred dollars a +month originally offered me. + +During my second year Miss Cora Scott Pond and I organized and carried +through in Boston a great suffrage bazaar, clearing six thousand dollars +for the association--a large amount in those days. Elated by my share in +this success, I asked that my salary should be increased to one hundred +and twenty-five dollars a month--but this was not done. Instead, I +received a valuable lesson. It was freely admitted that my work was +worth one hundred and twenty-five dollars, but I was told that one +hundred was the limit which could be paid, and I was reminded that this +was a good salary for a woman. + +The time seemed to have come to make a practical stand in defense of +my principles, and I did so by resigning and arranging an independent +lecture tour. The first month after my resignation I earned three +hundred dollars. Later I frequently earned more than that, and very +rarely less. Eventually I lectured under the direction of the Slaton +Lecture Bureau of Chicago, and later still for the Redpath Bureau of +Boston. My experience with the Redpath people was especially gratifying. +Mrs. Livermore, who was their only woman lecturer, was growing old and +anxious to resign her work. She saw in me a possible successor, and +asked them to take me on their list. They promptly refused, explaining +that I must "make a reputation" before they could even consider me. A +year later they wrote me, making a very good offer, which I accepted. It +may be worth while to mention here that through my lecture-work at this +period I earned all the money I have ever saved. I lectured night after +night, week after week, month after month, in "Chautauquas" in the +summer, all over the country in the winter, earning a large income and +putting aside at that time the small surplus I still hold in preparation +for the "rainy day" every working-woman inwardly fears. + +I gave the public at least a fair equivalent for what it gave me, for I +put into my lectures all my vitality, and I rarely missed an engagement, +though again and again I risked my life to keep one. My special +subjects, of course, were the two I had most at heart-suffrage and +temperance. For Frances Willard, then President of the Woman's Christian +Temperance Union, had persuaded me to head the Franchise Department of +that organization, succeeding Ziralda Wallace, the mother of Gen. +Lew Wallace; and Miss Susan B. Anthony, who was beginning to study me +closely, soon swung me into active work with her, of which, later, I +shall have much to say. But before taking up a subject as absorbing to +me as my friendship for and association with the most wonderful woman +I have ever known, it may be interesting to record a few of my pioneer +experiences in the lecture-field. + +In those days--thirty years ago--the lecture bureaus were wholly +regardless of the comfort of their lecturers. They arranged a schedule +of engagements with exactly one idea in mind--to get the lecturer from +one lecture-point to the next, utterly regardless of whether she had +time between for rest or food or sleep. So it happened that +all-night journeys in freight-cars, engines, and cabooses were casual +commonplaces, while thirty and forty mile drives across the country in +blizzards and bitter cold were equally inevitable. Usually these things +did not trouble me. They were high adventures which I enjoyed at the +time and afterward loved to recall. But there was an occasional hiatus +in my optimism. + +One night, for example, after lecturing in a town in Ohio, it was +necessary to drive eight miles across country to a tiny railroad station +at which a train, passing about two o'clock in the morning, was to be +flagged for me. When we reached the station it was closed, but my driver +deposited me on the platform and drove away, leaving me alone. The +night was cold and very dark. All day I had been feeling ill and in the +evening had suffered so much pain that I had finished my lecture with +great difficulty. Now toward midnight, in this desolate spot, miles from +any house, I grew alarmingly worse. I am not easily frightened, but that +time I was sure I was going to die. Off in the darkness, very far away, +as it seemed, I saw a faint light, and with infinite effort I dragged +myself toward it. To walk, even to stand, was impossible; I crawled +along the railroad track, collapsing, resting, going on again, whipping +my will power to the task of keeping my brain clear, until after a +nightmare that seemed to last through centuries I lay across the door of +the switch-tower in which the light was burning. The switchman stationed +there heard the cry I was able to utter, and came to my assistance. He +carried me up to his signal-room and laid me on the floor by the stove; +he had nothing to give me except warmth and shelter; but these were now +all I asked. I sank into a comatose condition shot through with pain. +Toward two o'clock in the morning he waked me and told me my train was +coming, asking if I felt able to take it. I decided to make the effort. +He dared not leave his post to help me, but he signaled to the train, +and I began my progress back to the station. I never clearly remembered +how I got there; but I arrived and was helped into a car by a brakeman. +About four o'clock in the morning I had to change again, but this time I +was left at the station of a town, and was there met by a man whose wife +had offered me hospitality. He drove me to their home, and I was cared +for. What I had, it developed, was a severe case of ptomaine poisoning, +and I soon recovered; but even after all these years I do not like to +recall that night. + +To be "snowed in" was a frequent experience. Once, in Minnesota, I was +one of a dozen travelers who were driven in an omnibus from a country +hotel to the nearest railroad station, about two miles away. It was +snowing hard, and the driver left us on the station platform and +departed. Time passed, but the train we were waiting for did not come. +A true Western blizzard, growing wilder every moment, had set in, and we +finally realized that the train was not coming, and that, moreover, it +was now impossible to get back to the hotel. The only thing we could do +was to spend the night in the railroad station. I was the only woman in +the group, and my fellow-passengers were cattlemen who whiled away the +hours by smoking, telling stories, and exchanging pocket flasks. The +station had a telegraph operator who occupied a tiny box by himself, and +he finally invited me to share the privacy of his microscopic quarters. +I entered them very gratefully, and he laid a board on the floor, +covered it with an overcoat made of buffalo-skins, and cheerfully +invited me to go to bed. I went, and slept peacefully until morning. +Then we all returned to the hotel, the men going ahead and shoveling a +path. + +Again, one Sunday, I was snowbound in a train near Faribault, and this +time also I was the only woman among a number of cattlemen. They were an +odoriferous lot, who smoked diligently and played cards without ceasing, +but in deference to my presence they swore only mildly and under their +breath. At last they wearied of their game, and one of them rose and +came to me. + +"I heard you lecture the other night," he said, awkwardly, "and I've bin +tellin' the fellers about it. We'd like to have a lecture now." + +Their card-playing had seemed to me a sinful thing (I was stricter in +my views then than I am to-day), and I was glad to create a diversion. +I agreed to give them a lecture, and they went through the train, which +consisted of two day coaches, and brought in the remaining passengers. A +few of them could sing, and we began with a Moody and Sankey hymn or two +and the appealing ditty, "Where is my wandering boy to-night?" in which +they all joined with special zest. Then I delivered the lecture, and +they listened attentively. When I had finished they seemed to think that +some slight return was in order, so they proceeded to make a bed for me. +They took the bottoms out of two seats, arranged them crosswise, and +one man folded his overcoat into a pillow. Inspired by this, two others +immediately donated their fur overcoats for upper and lower coverings. +When the bed was ready they waved me toward it with a most hospitable +air, and I crept in between the overcoats and slumbered sweetly until I +was aroused the next morning by the welcome music of a snow-plow which +had been sent from St. Paul to our rescue. To drive fifty or sixty miles +in a day to meet a lecture engagement was a frequent experience. I have +been driven across the prairies in June when they were like a mammoth +flower-bed, and in January when they seemed one huge snow-covered +grave--my grave, I thought, at times. Once during a thirty-mile drive, +when the thermometer was twenty degrees below zero, I suddenly +realized that my face was freezing. I opened my satchel, took out the +tissue-paper that protected my best gown, and put the paper over my face +as a veil, tucking it inside of my bonnet. When I reached my destination +the tissue was a perfect mask, frozen stiff, and I had to be lifted +from the sleigh. I was due on the lecture platform in half an hour, so I +drank a huge bowl of boiling ginger tea and appeared on time. That +night I went to bed expecting an attack of pneumonia as a result of the +exposure, but I awoke next morning in superb condition. I possess what +is called "an iron constitution," and in those days I needed it. + +That same winter, in Kansas, I was chased by wolves, and though I had +been more or less intimately associated with wolves in my pioneer life +in the Michigan woods, I found the occasion extremely unpleasant. During +the long winters of my girlhood wolves had frequently slunk around +our log cabin, and at times in the lumber-camps we had even heard them +prowling on the roofs. But those were very different creatures from the +two huge, starving, tireless animals that hour after hour loped behind +the cutter in which I sat with another woman, who, throughout the whole +experience, never lost her head nor her control of our frantic horses. +They were mad with terror, for, try as they would, they could not outrun +the grim things that trailed us, seemingly not trying to gain on us, but +keeping always at the same distance, with a patience that was horrible. +From time to time I turned to look at them, and the picture they made as +they came on and on is one I shall never forget. They were so near that +I could see their eyes and slavering jaws, and they were as noiseless as +things in a dream. At last, little by little, they began to gain on us, +and they were almost within striking distance of the whip, which was our +only weapon, when we reached the welcome outskirts of a town and they +fell back. + +Some of the memories of those days have to do with personal encounters, +brief but poignant. Once when I was giving a series of Chautauqua +lectures, I spoke at the Chautauqua in Pontiac, Illinois. The State +Reformatory for Boys was situated in that town, and, after the lecture +the superintendent of the Reformatory invited me to visit it and say a +few words to the inmates. I went and spoke for half an hour, carrying +away a memory of the place and of the boys which haunted me for +months. A year later, while I was waiting for a train in the station +at Shelbyville, a lad about sixteen years old passed me and hesitated, +looking as if he knew me. I saw that he wanted to speak and dared not, +so I nodded to him. + +"You think you know me, don't you?" I asked, when he came to my side. + +"Yes'm, I do know you," he told me, eagerly. "You are Miss Shaw, and +you talked to us boys at Pontiac last year. I'm out on parole now, but I +'ain't forgot. Us boys enjoyed you the best of any show we ever had!" + +I was touched by this artless compliment, and anxious to know how I had +won it, so I asked, "What did I say that the boys liked?" + +The lad hesitated. Then he said, slowly, "Well, you didn't talk as if +you thought we were all bad." + +"My boy," I told him, "I don't think you are all bad. I know better!" + +As if I had touched a spring in him, the lad dropped into the seat by +my side; then, leaning toward me, he said, impulsively, but almost in a +whisper: + +"Say, Miss Shaw, SOME OF US BOYS SAYS OUR PRAYERS!" + +Rarely have I had a tribute that moved me more than that shy confidence; +and often since then, in hours of discouragement or failure, I have +reminded myself that at least there must have been something in me +once to make a lad of that age so open up his heart. We had a long +and intimate talk, from which grew the abiding interest I feel in boys +today. + +Naturally I was sometimes inconvenienced by slight misunderstandings +between local committees and myself as to the subjects of my lectures, +and the most extreme instance of this occurred in a town where I arrived +to find myself widely advertised as "Mrs. Anna Shaw, who whistled before +Queen Victoria"! Transfixed, I gaped before the billboards, and by +reading their additional lettering discovered the gratifying fact that +at least I was not expected to whistle now. Instead, it appeared, I was +to lecture on "The Missing Link." + +As usual, I had arrived in town only an hour or two before the time +fixed for my lecture; there was the briefest interval in which to clear +up these painful misunderstandings. I repeatedly tried to reach the +chairman who was to preside at the entertainment, but failed. At last +I went to the hall at the hour appointed, and found the local committee +there, graciously waiting to receive me. Without wasting precious +minutes in preliminaries, I asked why they had advertised me as the +woman who had "whistled before Queen Victoria." + +"Why, didn't you whistle before her?" they exclaimed in grieved +surprise. + +"I certainly did not," I explained. "Moreover, I was never called 'The +American Nightingale,' and I have never lectured on 'The Missing Link.' +Where DID you get that subject? It was not on the list I sent you." + +The members of the committee seemed dazed. They withdrew to a corner and +consulted in whispers. Then, with clearing brow, the spokesman returned. + +"Why," he said, cheerfully, "it's simple enough! We mixed you up with a +Shaw lady that whistles; and we've been discussing the missing link in +our debating society, so our citizens want to hear your views." + +"But I don't know anything about the missing link," I protested, "and I +can't speak on it." + +"Now, come," they begged. "Why, you'll have to! We've sold all our +tickets for that lecture. The whole town has turned out to hear it." + +Then, as I maintained a depressed silence, one of them had a bright +idea. + +"I'll tell you how to fix it!" he cried. "Speak on any subject you +please, but bring in something about the missing link every few minutes. +That will satisfy 'em." + +"Very well," I agreed, reluctantly. "Open the meeting with a song. Get +the audience to sing 'America' or 'The Star-spangled Banner.' That will +give me a few minutes to think, and I will see what can be done." + +Led by a very nervous chairman, the big audience began to sing, and +under the inspiration of the music the solution of our problem flashed +into my mind. + +"It is easy," I told myself. "Woman is the missing link in our +government. I'll give them a suffrage speech along that line." + +When the song ended I began my part of the entertainment with a portion +of my lecture on "The Fate of Republics," tracing their growth and +decay, and pointing out that what our republic needed to give it a +stable government was the missing link of woman suffrage. I got along +admirably, for every five minutes I mentioned "the missing link," and +the audience sat content and apparently interested, while the members of +the committee burst into bloom on the platform. + + + + +VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE-FIELD + +My most dramatic experience occurred in a city in Michigan, where I was +making a temperance campaign. It was an important lumber and shipping +center, and it harbored much intemperance. The editor of the leading +newspaper was with the temperance-workers in our fight there, and he had +warned me that the liquor people threatened to "burn the building over +my head" if I attempted to lecture. We were used to similar threats, +so I proceeded with my preparations and held the meeting in the town +skating-rink--a huge, bare, wooden structure. + +Lectures were rare in that city, and rumors of some special excitement +on this occasion had been circulated; every seat in the rink was filled, +and several hundred persons stood in the aisles and at the back of the +building. Just opposite the speaker's platform was a small gallery, and +above that, in the ceiling, was a trap-door. Before I had been speaking +ten minutes I saw a man drop through this trap-door to the balcony and +climb from there to the main floor. As he reached the floor he shouted +"Fire!" and rushed out into the street. The next instant every person +in the rink was up and a panic had started. I was very sure there was +no fire, but I knew that many might be killed in the rush which was +beginning. So I sprang on a chair and shouted to the people with the +full strength of my lungs: + +"There is no fire! It's only a trick! Sit down! Sit down!" + +The cooler persons in the crowd at once began to help in this calming +process. + +"Sit down!" they repeated. "It's all right! There's no fire! Sit down!" + +It looked as if we had the situation in hand, for the people hesitated, +and most of them grew quiet; but just then a few words were hissed up to +me that made my heart stop beating. A member of our local committee was +standing beside my chair, speaking in a terrified whisper: + +"There IS a fire, Miss Shaw," he said. "For God's sake get the people +out--QUICKLY!" + +The shock was so unexpected that my knees almost gave way. The people +were still standing, wavering, looking uncertainly toward us. I raised +my voice again, and if it sounded unnatural my hearers probably thought +it was because I was speaking so loudly. + +"As we are already standing," I cried, "and are all nervous, a little +exercise will do us good. So march out, singing. Keep time to the music! +Later you can come back and take your seats!" + +The man who had whispered the warning jumped into the aisle and struck +up "Jesus, Lover of My Soul." Then he led the march down to the door, +while the big audience swung into line and followed him, joining in the +song. I remained on the chair, beating time and talking to the people +as they went; but when the last of them had left the building I almost +collapsed; for the flames had begun to eat through the wooden walls and +the clang of the fire-engines was heard outside. + +As soon as I was sure every one was safe, however, I experienced the +most intense anger I had yet known. My indignation against the men who +had risked hundreds of lives by setting fire to a crowded building made +me "see red"; it was clear that they must be taught a lesson then and +there. As soon as I was outside the rink I called a meeting, and the +Congregational minister, who was in the crowd, lent us his church +and led the way to it. Most of the audience followed us, and we had a +wonderful meeting, during which we were able at last to make clear to +the people of that town the character of the liquor interests we were +fighting. That episode did the temperance cause more good than a hundred +ordinary meetings. Men who had been indifferent before became our +friends and supporters, and at the following election we carried the +town for prohibition by a big majority. + +There have been other occasions when our opponents have not fought us +fairly. Once, in an Ohio town, a group of politicians, hearing that I +was to lecture on temperance in the court-house on a certain night, +took possession of the building early in the evening, on the pretense of +holding a meeting, and held it against us. When, escorted by a committee +of leading women, I reached the building and tried to enter, we found +that the men had locked us out. Our audience was gathering and filling +the street, and we finally sent a courteous message to the men, assuming +that they had forgotten us and reminding them of our position. The +messenger reported that the men would leave "about eight," but that the +room was "black with smoke and filthy with tobacco-juice." We waited +patiently until eight o'clock, holding little outside meetings in +groups, as our audience waited with us. At eight we again sent our +messenger into the hall, and he brought back word that the men were "not +through, didn't know when they would be through, and had told the women +not to wait." + +Naturally, the waiting townswomen were deeply chagrined by this. So were +many men in the outside crowd. We asked if there was no other entrance +to the hall except through the locked front doors, and were told that +the judge's private room opened into it, and that one of our committee +had the key, as she had planned to use this room as a dressing and +retiring room for the speakers. After some discussion we decided to +storm the hall and take possession. Within five minutes all the women +had formed in line and were crowding up the back stairs and into the +judge's room. There we unlocked the door, again formed in line, and +marched into the hall, singing "Onward, Christian Soldiers!" + +There were hundreds of us, and we marched directly to the platform, +where the astonished men got up to stare at us. More and more women +entered, coming up the back stairs from the street and filling the hall; +and when the men realized what it all meant, and recognized their wives, +sisters, and women friends in the throng, they sheepishly unlocked the +front doors and left us in possession, though we politely urged them to +remain. We had a great meeting that night! + +Another reminiscence may not be out of place. We were working for a +prohibition amendment in the state of Pennsylvania, and the night +before election I reached Coatesville. I had just completed six weeks of +strenuous campaigning, and that day I had already conducted and spoken +at two big outdoor meetings. When I entered the town hall of Coatesville +I found it filled with women. Only a few men were there; the rest were +celebrating and campaigning in the streets. So I arose and said: + +"I would like to ask how many men there are in the audience who intend +to vote for the amendment to-morrow?" + +Every man in the hall stood up. + +"I thought so," I said. "Now I intend to ask your indulgence. As you are +all in favor of the amendment, there is no use in my setting its claims +before you; and, as I am utterly exhausted, I suggest that we sing the +Doxology and go home!" + +The audience saw the common sense of my position, so the people laughed +and sang the Doxology and departed. As we were leaving the hall one of +Coatesville's prominent citizens stopped me. + +"I wish you were a man," he said. "The town was to have a big outdoor +meeting to-night, and the orator has failed us. There are thousands of +men in the streets waiting for the speech, and the saloons are sending +them free drinks to get them drunk and carry the town to-morrow." + +"Why," I said, "I'll talk to them if you wish." + +"Great Scott!" he gasped. "I'd be afraid to let you. Something might +happen!" + +"If anything happens, it will be in a good cause," I reminded him. "Let +us go." + +Down-town we found the streets so packed with men that the cars could +not get through, and with the greatest difficulty we reached the stand +which had been erected for the speaker. It was a gorgeous affair. There +were flaring torches all around it, and a "bull's-eye," taken from the +head of a locomotive, made an especially brilliant patch of light. +The stand had been erected at a point where the city's four principal +streets meet, and as far as I could see there were solid masses of +citizens extending into these streets. A glee-club was doing its best +to help things along, and the music of an organette, an instrument much +used at the time in campaign rallies, swelled the joyful tumult. As +I mounted the platform the crowd was singing "Vote for Betty and the +Baby," and I took that song for my text, speaking of the helplessness +of women and children in the face of intemperance, and telling the crowd +the only hope of the Coatesville women lay in the vote cast by their men +the next day. + +Directly in front of me stood a huge and extraordinarily +repellent-looking negro. A glance at him almost made one shudder, but +before I had finished my first sentence he raised his right arm straight +above him and shouted, in a deep and wonderfully rich bass voice, +"Hallelujah to the Lamb!" From that point on he punctuated my speech +every few moments with good, old-fashioned exclamations of salvation +which helped to inspire the crowd. I spoke for almost an hour. Three +times in my life, and only three times, I have made speeches that have +satisfied me to the degree, that is, of making me feel that at least I +was giving the best that was in me. The speech at Coatesville was one +of those three. At the end of it the good-natured crowd cheered for ten +minutes. The next day Coatesville voted for prohibition, and, rightly or +wrongly, I have always believed that I helped to win that victory. + +Here, by the way, I may add that of the two other speeches which +satisfied me one was made in Chicago, during the World's Fair, in 1893, +and the other in Stockholm, Sweden, in 1912. The International Council +of Women, it will be remembered, met in Chicago during the Fair, and +I was invited to preach the sermon at the Sunday-morning session. The +occasion was a very important one, bringing together at least five +thousand persons, including representative women from almost every +country in Europe, and a large number of women ministers. These made an +impressive group, as they all wore their ministerial robes; and for the +first time I preached in a ministerial robe, ordered especially for +that day. It was made of black crepe de Chine, with great double flowing +sleeves, white silk undersleeves, and a wide white silk underfold down +the front; and I may mention casually that it looked very much better +than I felt, for I was very nervous. My father had come on to Chicago +especially to hear my sermon, and had been invited to sit on the +platform. Even yet he was not wholly reconciled to my public work, but +he was beginning to take a deep interest in it. I greatly desired to +please him and to satisfy Miss Anthony, who was extremely anxious that +on that day of all days I should do my best. + +I gave an unusual amount of time and thought to that sermon, and at last +evolved what I modestly believed to be a good one. I never write out +a sermon in advance, but I did it this time, laboriously, and then +memorized the effort. The night before the sermon was to be delivered +Miss Anthony asked me about it, and when I realized how deeply +interested she was I delivered it to her then and there as a rehearsal. +It was very late, and I knew we would not be interrupted. As she +listened her face grew longer and longer and her lips drooped at the +corners. Her disappointment was so obvious that I had difficulty in +finishing my recitation; but I finally got through it, though rather +weakly toward the end, and waited to hear what she would say, hoping +against hope that she had liked it better than she seemed to. But Susan +B. Anthony was the frankest as well as the kindest of women. Resolutely +she shook her head. + +"It's no good, Anna," she said; firmly. "You'll have to do better. +You've polished and repolished that sermon until there's no life left in +it. It's dead. Besides, I don't care for your text." + +"Then give me a text," I demanded, gloomily. + +"I can't," said Aunt Susan. + +I was tired and bitterly disappointed, and both conditions showed in my +reply. + +"Well," I asked, somberly, "if you can't even supply a text, how do you +suppose I'm going to deliver a brand-new sermon at ten o'clock to-morrow +morning?" + +"Oh," declared Aunt Susan, blithely, "you'll find a text." + +I suggested several, but she did not like them. At last I said, "I have +it--'Let no man take thy crown.'" + +"That's it!" exclaimed Miss Anthony. "Give us a good sermon on that +text." + +She went to her room to sleep the sleep of the just and the untroubled, +but I tossed in my bed the rest of the night, planning the points of +the new sermon. After I had delivered it the next morning I went to my +father to assist him from the platform. He was trembling, and his eyes +were full of tears. He seized my arm and pressed it. + +"Now I am ready to die," was all he said. + +I was so tired that I felt ready to die, too; but his satisfaction and a +glance at Aunt Susan's contented face gave me the tonic I needed. Father +died two years later, and as I was campaigning in California I was not +with him at the end. It was a comfort to remember, however, that in the +twilight of his life he had learned to understand his most difficult +daughter, and to give her credit for earnestness of purpose, at least, +in following the life that had led her away from him. After his death, +and immediately upon my return from California, I visited my mother, +and it was well indeed that I did, for within a few months she followed +father into the other world for which all of her unselfish life had been +a preparation. + +Our last days together were perfect. Her attitude was one of serene +and cheerful expectancy, and I always think of her as sitting among the +primroses and bluebells she loved, which seemed to bloom unceasingly in +the windows of her room. I recall, too, with gratitude, a trifle which +gave her a pleasure out of all proportion to what I had dreamed it +would do. She had expressed a longing for some English heather, "not +the hot-house variety, but the kind that blooms on the hills," and I had +succeeded in getting a bunch for her by writing to an English friend. + +Its possession filled her with joy, and from the time it came until the +day her eyes closed in their last sleep it was rarely beyond reach of +her hand. At her request, when she was buried we laid the heather on her +heart--the heart of a true and loyal woman, who, though her children had +not known it, must have longed without ceasing throughout her New World +life for the Old World of her youth. + +The Scandinavian speech was an even more vital experience than the +Chicago one, for in Stockholm I delivered the first sermon ever preached +by a woman in the State Church of Sweden, and the event was preceded +by an amount of political and journalistic opposition which gave it an +international importance. I had also been invited by the Norwegian +women to preach in the State Church of Norway, but there we experienced +obstacles. By the laws of Norway women are permitted to hold all public +offices except those in the army, navy, and church--a rather remarkable +militant and spiritual combination. As a woman, therefore, I was denied +the use of the church by the Minister of Church Affairs. + +The decision created great excitement and much delving into the law. +It then appeared that if the use of a State Church is desired for a +minister of a foreign country the government can give such permission. +It was thought that I might slip in through this loophole, and +application was made to the government. The reply came that permission +could be received only from the entire Cabinet; and while the Cabinet +gentlemen were feverishly discussing the important issue, the Norwegian +press became active, pointing out that the Minister of Church Affairs +had arrogantly assumed the right of the entire Cabinet in denying +the application. The charge was taken up by the party opposed to the +government party in Parliament, and the Minister of Church Affairs +swiftly turned the whole matter over to his conferees. + +The Cabinet held a session, and by a vote of four to three decided NOT +to allow a woman to preach in the State Church. I am happy to add that +of the three who voted favorably on the question one was the Premier of +Norway. Again the newspapers grasped their opportunity--especially the +organs of the opposition party. My rooms were filled with reporters, +while daily the excitement grew. The question was brought up in +Parliament, and I was invited to attend and hear the discussion there. +By this time every newspaper in Scandinavia was for or against me; and +the result of the whole matter was that, though the State Church of +Norway was not opened to me, a most unusual interest had been aroused in +my sermon in the State Church of Sweden. When I arrived there to keep +my engagement, not only was the wonderful structure packed to its walls, +but the waiting crowds in the street were so large that the police had +difficulty in opening a way for our party. + +I shall never forget my impression of the church itself when I entered +it. It will always stand forth in my memory as one of the most beautiful +churches I have ever visited. On every side were monuments of dead +heroes and statesmen, and the high, vaulted blue dome seemed like the +open sky above our heads. Over us lay a light like a soft twilight, and +the great congregation filled not only all the pews, but the aisles, the +platform, and even the steps of the pulpit. The ushers were young women +from the University of Upsala, wearing white university caps with black +vizors, and sashes in the university colors. The anthem was composed +especially for the occasion by the first woman cathedral organist in +Sweden--the organist of the cathedral in Gothenburg--and she had brought +with her thirty members of her choir, all of them remarkable singers. + +The whole occasion was indescribably impressive, and I realized in +every fiber the necessity of being worthy of it. Also, I experienced +a sensation such as I had never known before, and which I can only +describe as a seeming complete separation of my physical self from my +spiritual self. It was as if my body stood aside and watched my soul +enter that pulpit. There was no uncertainty, no nervousness, though +usually I am very nervous when I begin to speak; and when I had finished +I knew that I had done my best. + +But all this is a long way from the early days I was discussing, when I +was making my first diffident bows to lecture audiences and learning the +lessons of the pioneer in the lecture-field. I was soon to learn more, +for in 1888 Miss Anthony persuaded me to drop my temperance work +and concentrate my energies on the suffrage cause. For a long time I +hesitated. I was very happy in my connection with the Woman's Christian +Temperance Union, and I knew that Miss Willard was depending on me to +continue it. But Miss Anthony's arguments were irrefutable, and she was +herself, as always, irresistible. + +"You can't win two causes at once," she reminded me. "You're merely +scattering your energies. Begin at the beginning. Win suffrage for +women, and the rest will follow." As an added argument, she took me with +her on her Kansas campaign, and after that no further arguments were +needed. From then until her death, eighteen years later, Miss Anthony +and I worked shoulder to shoulder. + +The most interesting lecture episode of our first Kansas campaign was +my debate with Senator John J. Ingalls. Before this, however, on our +arrival at Atchison, Mrs. Ingalls gave a luncheon for Miss Anthony, and +Rachel Foster Avery and I were also invited. Miss Anthony sat at the +right of Senator Ingalls, and I at his left, while Mrs. Ingalls, of +course, adorned the opposite end of her table. Mrs. Avery and I had just +been entertained for several days at the home of a vegetarian friend who +did not know how to cook vegetables, and we were both half starved. When +we were invited to the Ingalls home we had uttered in unison a joyous +cry, "Now we shall have something to eat!" At the luncheon, however, +Senator Ingalls kept Miss Anthony and me talking steadily. He was not in +favor of suffrage for women, but he wished to know all sorts of things +about the Cause, and we were anxious to have him know them. The result +was that I had time for only an occasional mouthful, while down at the +end of the table Mrs. Avery ate and ate, pausing only to send me glances +of heartfelt sympathy. Also, whenever she had an especially toothsome +morsel on the end of her fork she wickedly succeeded in catching my eye +and thus adding the last sybaritic touch to her enjoyment. + +Notwithstanding the wealth of knowledge we had bestowed upon him, or +perhaps because of it, the following night Senator Ingalls made his +famous speech against suffrage, and it fell to my lot to answer him. In +the course of his remarks he asked this question: "Would you like to add +three million illiterate voters to the large body of illiterate voters +we have in America to-day?" The audience applauded light-heartedly, +but I was disturbed by the sophistry of the question. One of Senator +Ingalls's most discussed personal peculiarities was the parting of his +hair in the middle. Cartoonists and newspaper writers always made much +of this, so when I rose to reply I felt justified in mentioning it. + +"Senator Ingalls," I began, "parts his hair in the middle, as we all +know, but he makes up for it by parting his figures on one side. Last +night he gave you the short side of his figures. At the present time +there are in the United States about eighteen million women of voting +age. When the Senator asked whether you wanted three million additional +illiterate women voters, he forgot to ask also if you didn't want +fifteen million additional intelligent women voters! We will grant that +it will take the votes of three million intelligent women to wipe out +the votes of three million illiterate women. But don't forget that that +would still leave us twelve million intelligent votes to the good!" + +The audience applauded as gaily as it had applauded Senator Ingalls when +he spoke on the other side, and I continued: + +"Now women have always been generous to men. So of our twelve million +intelligent voters we will offer four million to offset the votes of the +four million illiterate men in this country--and then we will still have +eight million intelligent votes to add to the other intelligent votes +which are cast." The audience seemed to enjoy this. + +"The anti-suffragists are fairly safe," I ended, "as long as they remain +on the plane of prophecy. But as soon as they tackle mathematics they +get into trouble!" + +Miss Anthony was much pleased by the wide publicity given to this +debate, but Senator Ingalls failed to share her enthusiasm. + +It was shortly after this encounter that I had two traveling experiences +which nearly cost me my life. One of them occurred in Ohio at the time +of a spring freshet. I know of no state that can cover itself with water +as completely as Ohio can, and for no apparent reason. On this occasion +it was breaking its own record. We had driven twenty miles across +country in a buggy which was barely out of the water, and behind horses +that at times were almost forced to swim, and when we got near the town +where I was to lecture, though still on the opposite side of the river +from it, we discovered that the bridge was gone. We had a good view of +the town, situated high and dry on a steep bank; but the river which +rolled between us and that town was a roaring, boiling stream, and the +only possible way to cross it, I found, was to walk over a railroad +trestle, already trembling under the force of the water. + +There were hundreds of men on the river-bank watching the flood, and +when they saw me start out on the empty trestle they set up a cheer that +nearly threw me off. The river was wide and the ties far apart, and +the roar of the stream below was far from reassuring; but in some way I +reached the other side, and was there helped off the trestle by what the +newspapers called "strong and willing hands." + +Another time, in a desperate resolve to meet a lecture engagement, I +walked across the railroad trestle at Elmira, New York, and when I was +halfway over I heard shouts of warning to turn back, as a train was +coming. The trestle was very high at that point, and I realized that if +I turned and faced an oncoming train I would undoubtedly lose my nerve +and fall. So I kept on, as rapidly as I could, accompanied by the +shrieks of those who objected to witnessing a violent death, and I +reached the end of the trestle just as an express-train thundered on the +beginning of it. The next instant a policeman had me by the shoulders +and was shaking me as if I had been a bad child. + +"If you ever do such a thing again," he thundered, "I'll lock you up!" + +As soon as I could speak I assured him fervently that I never would; one +such experience was all I desired. + +Occasionally a flash of humor, conscious or unconscious, lit up the +gloom of a trying situation. Thus, in Parkersburg, West Virginia, the +train I was on ran into a coal-car. I was sitting in a sleeper, leaning +back comfortably with my feet on the seat in front of me, and the force +of the collision lifted me up, turned me completely over, and deposited +me, head first, two seats beyond. On every side I heard cries and +the crash of human bodies against unyielding substances as my +fellow-passengers flew through the air, while high and clear above the +tumult rang the voice of the conductor: + +"Keep your seats!" he yelled. "KEEP YOUR SEATS!" + +Nobody in our car was seriously hurt; but, so great is the power of +vested authority, no one smiled over that order but me. + +Many times my medical experience was useful. Once I was on a train which +ran into a buggy and killed the woman in it. Her little daughter, who +was with her, was badly hurt, and when the train had stopped the crew +lifted the dead woman and the injured child on board, to take them to +the next station. As I was the only doctor among the passengers, the +child was turned over to me. I made up a bed on the seats and put the +little patient there, but no woman in the car was able to assist me. The +tragedy had made them hysterical, and on every side they were weeping +and nerveless. The men were willing but inefficient, with the exception +of one uncouth woodsman whose trousers were tucked into his boots and +whose hands were phenomenally big and awkward. But they were also very +gentle, as I realized when he began to help me. I knew at once that +he was the man I needed, notwithstanding his unkempt hair, his general +ungainliness, the hat he wore on the back of his head, and the pink +carnation in his buttonhole, which, by its very incongruity, added the +final accent to his unprepossessing appearance. Together we worked over +the child, making it as comfortable as we could. It was hardly necessary +to tell my aide what I wanted done; he seemed to know and even to +anticipate my efforts. + +When we reached the next station the dead woman was taken out and laid +on the platform, and a nurse and doctor who had been telegraphed for +were waiting to care for the little girl. She was conscious by this +time, and with the most exquisite gentleness my rustic Bayard lifted her +in his arms to carry her off the train. Quite unnecessarily I motioned +to him not to let her see her dead mother. He was not the sort who +needed that warning; he had already turned her face to his shoulder, +and, with head bent low above her, was safely skirting the spot where +the long, covered figure lay. + +Evidently the station was his destination, too, for he remained there; +but just as the train pulled out he came hurrying to my window, took the +carnation from his buttonhole, and without a word handed it to me. And +after the tragic hour in which I had learned to know him the crushed +flower, from that man, seemed the best fee I had ever received. + + + + +IX. "AUNT SUSAN" + +In The Life of Susan B. Anthony it is mentioned that 1888 was a year of +special recognition of our great leader's work, but that it was also the +year in which many of her closest friends and strongest supporters were +taken from her by death. A. Bronson Alcott was among these, and Louisa +M. Alcott, as well as Dr. Lozier; and special stress is laid on Miss +Anthony's sense of loss in the diminishing circle of her friends--a loss +which new friends and workers came forward, eager to supply. + +"Chief among these," adds the record, "was Anna Shaw, who, from the time +of the International Council in '88, gave her truest allegiance to Miss +Anthony." + +It is true that from that year until Miss Anthony's death in 1906 we two +were rarely separated; and I never read the paragraph I have just +quoted without seeing, as in a vision, the figure of "Aunt Susan" as she +slipped into my hotel room in Chicago late one night after an evening +meeting of the International Council. I had gone to bed--indeed, I was +almost asleep when she came, for the day had been as exhausting as it +was interesting. But notwithstanding the lateness of the hour, "Aunt +Susan," then nearing seventy, was still as fresh and as full of +enthusiasm as a young girl. She had a great deal to say, she declared, +and she proceeded to say it--sitting in a big easy-chair near the bed, +with a rug around her knees, while I propped myself up with pillows and +listened. + +Hours passed and the dawn peered wanly through the windows, but still +Miss Anthony talked of the Cause always of the Cause--and of what we two +must do for it. The previous evening she had been too busy to eat any +dinner, and I greatly doubt whether she had eaten any luncheon at noon. +She had been on her feet for hours at a time, and she had held numerous +discussions with other women she wished to inspire to special effort. +Yet, after it all, here she was laying out our campaigns for years +ahead, foreseeing everything, forgetting nothing, and sweeping me with +her in her flight toward our common goal, until I, who am not easily +carried off my feet, experienced an almost dizzy sense of exhilaration. + +Suddenly she stopped, looked at the gas-jets paling in the morning light +that filled the room, and for a fleeting instant seemed surprised. In +the next she had dismissed from her mind the realization that we had +talked all night. Why should we not talk all night? It was part of our +work. She threw off the enveloping rug and rose. + +"I must dress now," she said, briskly. "I've called a committee meeting +before the morning session." + +On her way to the door nature smote her with a rare reminder, but even +then she did not realize that it was personal. "Perhaps," she remarked, +tentatively, "you ought to have a cup of coffee." + +That was "Aunt Susan." And in the eighteen years which followed I had +daily illustrations of her superiority to purely human weaknesses. To +her the hardships we underwent later, in our Western campaigns for woman +suffrage, were as the airiest trifles. Like a true soldier, she could +snatch a moment of sleep or a mouthful of food where she found it, and +if either was not forthcoming she did not miss it. To me she was an +unceasing inspiration--the torch that illumined my life. We went through +some difficult years together--years when we fought hard for each inch +of headway we gained--but I found full compensation for every effort in +the glory of working with her for the Cause that was first in both our +hearts, and in the happiness of being her friend. Later I shall describe +in more detail the suffrage campaigns and the National and International +councils in which we took part; now it is of her I wish to write--of her +bigness, her many-sidedness, her humor, her courage, her quickness, her +sympathy, her understanding, her force, her supreme common-sense, her +selflessness; in short, of the rare beauty of her nature as I learned to +know it. + +Like most great leaders, she took one's best work for granted, and was +chary with her praise; and even when praise was given it usually came by +indirect routes. I recall with amusement that the highest compliment she +ever paid me in public involved her in a tangle from which, later, only +her quick wit extricated her. We were lecturing in an especially pious +town which I shall call B----, and just before I went on the platform +Miss Anthony remarked, peacefully: + +"These people have always claimed that I am irreligious. They will not +accept the fact that I am a Quaker--or, rather, they seem to think a +Quaker is an infidel. I am glad you are a Methodist, for now they cannot +claim that we are not orthodox." + +She was still enveloped in the comfort of this reflection when she +introduced me to our audience, and to impress my qualifications upon my +hearers she made her introduction in these words: + +"It is a pleasure to introduce Miss Shaw, who is a Methodist minister. +And she is not only orthodox of the orthodox, but she is also my right +bower!" + +There was a gasp from the pious audience, and then a roar of laughter +from irreverent men, in which, I must confess, I light-heartedly joined. +For once in her life Miss Anthony lost her presence of mind; she did not +know how to meet the situation, for she had no idea what had caused the +laughter. It bubbled forth again and again during the evening, and +each time Miss Anthony received the demonstration with the same air of +puzzled surprise. When we had returned to our hotel rooms I explained +the matter to her. I do not remember now where I had acquired my own +sinful knowledge, but that night I faced "Aunt Susan" from the pedestal +of a sophisticated worldling. + +"Don't you know what a right bower is?" I demanded, sternly. + +"Of course I do," insisted "Aunt Susan." "It's a right-hand man--the +kind one can't do without." + +"It is a card," I told her, firmly--"a leading card in a game called +euchre." + +"Aunt Susan" was dazed. "I didn't know it had anything to do with +cards," she mused, mournfully. "What must they think of me?" + +What they thought became quite evident. The newspapers made countless +jokes at our expense, and there were significant smiles on the faces in +the audience that awaited us the next night. When Miss Anthony walked +upon the platform she at once proceeded to clear herself of the tacit +charge against her. + +"When I came to your town," she began, cheerfully, "I had been warned +that you were a very religious lot of people. I wanted to impress upon +you the fact that Miss Shaw and I are religious, too. But I admit that +when I told you she was my right bower I did not know what a right bower +was. I have learned that, since last night." + +She waited until the happy chortles of her hearers had subsided, and +then went on. + +"It interests me very much, however," she concluded, "to realize that +every one of you seemed to know all about a right bower, and that I had +to come to your good, orthodox town to get the information." + +That time the joke was on the audience. Miss Anthony's home was in +Rochester, New York, and it was said by our friends that on the rare +occasions when we were not together, and I was lecturing independently, +"all return roads led through Rochester." I invariably found some excuse +to go there and report to her. Together we must have worn out many +Rochester pavements, for "Aunt Susan's" pet recreation was walking, +and she used to walk me round and round the city squares, far into the +night, and at a pace that made policemen gape at us as we flew by. Some +disrespectful youth once remarked that on these occasions we suggested a +race between a ruler and a rubber ball--for she was very tall and thin, +while I am short and plump. To keep up with her I literally bounded at +her side. + +A certain amount of independent lecturing was necessary for me, for I +had to earn my living. The National American Woman Suffrage +Association has never paid salaries to its officers, so, when I became +vice-president and eventually, in 1904, president of the association, +I continued to work gratuitously for the Cause in these positions. +Even Miss Anthony received not one penny of salary for all her years of +unceasing labor, and she was so poor that she did not have a home of her +own until she was seventy-five. Then it was a very simple one, and +she lived with the utmost economy. I decided that I could earn my bare +expenses by making one brief lecture tour each year, and I made an +arrangement with the Redpath Bureau which left me fully two-thirds of my +time for the suffrage work I loved. + +This was one result of my all-night talk with Miss Anthony in Chicago, +and it enabled me to carry out her plan that I should accompany her in +most of the campaigns in which she sought to arouse the West to the +need of suffrage for women. From that time on we traveled and lectured +together so constantly that each of us developed an almost uncanny +knowledge of the other's mental processes. At any point of either's +lecture the other could pick it up and carry it on--a fortunate +condition, as it sometimes became necessary to do this. Miss Anthony +was subject to contractions of the throat, which for the moment caused +a slight strangulation. On such occasions--of which there were +several--she would turn to me and indicate her helplessness. Then I +would repeat her last sentence, complete her speech, and afterward make +my own. + +The first time this happened we were in Washington, and "Aunt Susan" +stopped in the middle of a word. She could not speak; she merely +motioned to me to continue for her, and left the stage. At the end of +the evening a prominent Washington man who had been in our audience +remarked to me, confidentially: + +"That was a nice little play you and Miss Anthony made to-night--very +effective indeed." + +For an instant I did not catch his meaning, nor the implication in his +knowing smile. + +"Very clever, that strangling bit, and your going on with the speech," +he repeated. "It hit the audience hard." + +"Surely," I protested, "you don't think it was a deliberate thing--that +we planned or rehearsed it." + +He stared at me incredulously. "Are you going to pretend," he demanded, +"that it wasn't a put-up job?" + +I told him he had paid us a high compliment, and that we must really +have done very well if we had conveyed that impression; and I finally +convinced him that we not only had not rehearsed the episode, but that +neither of us had known what the other meant to say. We never wrote out +our speeches, but our subject was always suffrage or some ramification +of suffrage, and, naturally, we had thoroughly digested each other's +views. + +It is said by my friends that I write my speeches on the tips of my +fingers--for I always make my points on my fingers and have my fingers +named for points. When I plan a speech I decide how many points I wish +to make and what those points shall be. My mental preparation follows. +Miss Anthony's method was much the same; but very frequently both of us +threw over all our plans at the last moment and spoke extemporaneously +on some theme suggested by the atmosphere of the gathering or by the +words of another speaker. + +From Miss Anthony, more than from any one else, I learned to keep cool +in the face of interruptions and of the small annoyances and disasters +inevitable in campaigning. Often we were able to help each other out of +embarrassing situations, and one incident of this kind occurred during +our campaign in South Dakota. We were holding a meeting on the hottest +Sunday of the hottest month in the year--August--and hundreds of the +natives had driven twenty, thirty, and even forty miles across the +country to hear us. We were to speak in a sod church, but it was +discovered that the structure would not hold half the people who were +trying to enter it, so we decided that Miss Anthony should speak from +the door, in order that those both inside and outside might hear her. To +elevate her above her audience, she was given an empty dry-goods box to +stand on. + +This makeshift platform was not large, and men, women, and children were +seated on the ground around it, pressing up against it, as close to the +speaker as they could get. Directly in front of Miss Anthony sat a woman +with a child about two years old--a little boy; and this infant, like +every one else in the packed throng, was dripping with perspiration and +suffering acutely under the blazing sun. Every woman present seemed to +have brought children with her, doubtless because she could not leave +them alone at home; and babies were crying and fretting on all sides. +The infant nearest Miss Anthony fretted most strenuously; he was a +sturdy little fellow with a fine pair of lungs, and he made it very +difficult for her to lift her voice above his dismal clamor. Suddenly, +however, he discovered her feet on the drygoods box, about on a level +with his head. They were clad in black stockings and low shoes; they +moved about oddly; they fascinated him. With a yelp of interest he +grabbed for them and began pinching them to see what they were. His +howls ceased; he was happy. + +Miss Anthony was not. But it was a great relief to have the child quiet, +so she bore the infliction of the pinching as long as she could. When +endurance had found its limit she slipped back out of reach, and as his +new plaything receded the boy uttered shrieks of disapproval. There was +only one way to stop his noise; Miss Anthony brought her feet forward +again, and he resumed the pinching of her ankles, while his yelps +subsided to contented murmurs. The performance was repeated half a dozen +times. Each time the ankles retreated the baby yelled. Finally, for once +at the end of her patience, "Aunt Susan" leaned forward and addressed +the mother, whose facial expression throughout had shown a complete +mental detachment from the situation. + +"I think your little boy is hot and thirsty," she said, gently. "If +you would take him out of the crowd and give him a drink of water and +unfasten his clothes, I am sure he would be more comfortable." Before +she had finished speaking the woman had sprung to her feet and was +facing her with fierce indignation. + +"This is the first time I have ever been insulted as a mother," she +cried; "and by an old maid at that!" Then she grasped the infant and +left the scene, amid great confusion. The majority of those in the +audience seemed to sympathize with her. They had not seen the episode of +the feet, and they thought Miss Anthony was complaining of the child's +crying. Their children were crying, too, and they felt that they had +all been criticized. Other women rose and followed the irate mother, and +many men gallantly followed them. It seemed clear that motherhood had +been outraged. + +Miss Anthony was greatly depressed by the episode, and she was not +comforted by a prediction one man made after the meeting. + +"You've lost at least twenty votes by that little affair," he told her. + +"Aunt Susan" sighed. "Well," she said, "if those men knew how my ankles +felt I would have won twenty votes by enduring the torture as long as I +did." + +The next day we had a second meeting. Miss Anthony made her speech early +in the evening, and by the time it was my turn to begin all the children +in the audience--and there were many--were both tired and sleepy. At +least half a dozen of them were crying, and I had to shout to make my +voice heard above their uproar. Miss Anthony remarked afterward that +there seemed to be a contest between me and the infants to see which +of us could make more noise. The audience was plainly getting restless +under the combined effect, and finally a man in the rear rose and added +his voice to the tumult. + +"Say, Miss Shaw," he yelled, "don't you want these children put out?" + +It was our chance to remove the sad impression of yesterday, and I +grasped it. + +"No, indeed," I yelled back. "Nothing inspires me like the voice of a +child!" + +A handsome round of applause from mothers and fathers greeted this noble +declaration, after which the blessed babies and I resumed our joint +vocal efforts. When the speech was finished and we were alone together, +Miss Anthony put her arm around my shoulder and drew me to her side. + +"Well, Anna," she said, gratefully, "you've certainly evened us up on +motherhood this time." + +That South Dakota campaign was one of the most difficult we ever made. +It extended over nine months; and it is impossible to describe the +poverty which prevailed throughout the whole rural community of the +State. There had been three consecutive years of drought. The sand was +like powder, so deep that the wheels of the wagons in which we rode +"across country" sank half-way to the hubs; and in the midst of this dry +powder lay withered tangles that had once been grass. Every one had the +forsaken, desperate look worn by the pioneer who has reached the limit +of his endurance, and the great stretches of prairie roads showed +innumerable canvas-covered wagons, drawn by starved horses, and followed +by starved cows, on their way "Back East." Our talks with the despairing +drivers of these wagons are among my most tragic memories. They had lost +everything except what they had with them, and they were going East to +leave "the woman" with her father and try to find work. Usually, with a +look of disgust at his wife, the man would say: "I wanted to leave two +years ago, but the woman kept saying, 'Hold on a little longer.'" + +Both Miss Anthony and I gloried in the spirit of these pioneer women, +and lost no opportunity to tell them so; for we realized what our nation +owes to the patience and courage of such as they were. We often asked +them what was the hardest thing to bear in their pioneer life, and we +usually received the same reply: + +"To sit in our little adobe or sod houses at night and listen to the +wolves howl over the graves of our babies. For the howl of the wolf is +like the cry of a child from the grave." + +Many days, and in all kinds of weather, we rode forty and fifty miles +in uncovered wagons. Many nights we shared a one-room cabin with all +the members of the family. But the greatest hardship we suffered was the +lack of water. There was very little good water in the state, and the +purest water was so brackish that we could hardly drink it. The more we +drank the thirstier we became, and when the water was made into tea it +tasted worse than when it was clear. A bath was the rarest of luxuries. +The only available fuel was buffalo manure, of which the odor permeated +all our food. But despite these handicaps we were happy in our work, for +we had some great meetings and many wonderful experiences. + +When we reached the Black Hills we had more of this genuine campaigning. +We traveled over the mountains in wagons, behind teams of horses, +visiting the mining-camps; and often the gullies were so deep that when +our horses got into them it was almost impossible to get them out. I +recall with special clearness one ride from Hill City to Custer City. It +was only a matter of thirty miles, but it was thoroughly exhausting; and +after our meeting that same night we had to drive forty miles farther +over the mountains to get the early morning train from Buffalo Gap. +The trail from Custer City to Buffalo Gap was the one the animals had +originally made in their journeys over the pass, and the drive in +that wild region, throughout a cold, piercing October night, was an +unforgetable experience. Our host at Custer City lent Miss Anthony his +big buffalo overcoat, and his wife lent hers to me. They also heated +blocks of wood for our feet, and with these protections we started. A +full moon hung in the sky. The trees were covered with hoar-frost, and +the cold, still air seemed to sparkle in the brilliant light. Again Miss +Anthony talked to me throughout the night--of the work, always of the +work, and of what it would mean to the women who followed us; and again +she fired my soul with the flame that burned so steadily in her own. + +It was daylight when we reached the little station at Buffalo Gap where +we were to take the train. This was not due, however, for half an hour, +and even then it did not come. The station was only large enough to hold +the stove, the ticket-office, and the inevitable cuspidor. There was +barely room in which to walk between these and the wall. Miss Anthony +sat down on the floor. I had a few raisins in my bag, and we divided +them for breakfast. An hour passed, and another, and still the train +did not come. Miss Anthony, her back braced against the wall, buried her +face in her hands and dropped into a peaceful abyss of slumber, while I +walked restlessly up and down the platform. The train arrived four hours +late, and when eventually we had reached our destination we learned +that the ministers of the town had persuaded the women to give up the +suffrage meeting scheduled for that night, as it was Sunday. + +This disappointment, following our all-day and all-night drive to keep +our appointment, aroused Miss Anthony's fighting spirit. She sent me out +to rent the theater for the evening, and to have some hand-bills printed +and distributed, announcing that we would speak. At three o'clock she +made the concession to her seventy years of lying down for an hour's +rest. I was young and vigorous, so I trotted around town to get +somebody to preside, somebody to introduce us, somebody to take up the +collection, and somebody who would provide music--in short, to make all +our preparations for the night meeting. + +When evening came the crowd which had assembled was so great that men +and women sat in the windows and on the stage, and stood in the flies. +Night attractions were rare in that Dakota town, and here was something +new. Nobody went to church, so the churches were forced to close. We had +a glorious meeting. Both Miss Anthony and I were in excellent fighting +trim, and Miss Anthony remarked that the only thing lacking to make me +do my best was a sick headache. The collection we took up paid all +our expenses, the church singers sang for us, the great audience was +interested, and the whole occasion was an inspiring success. + +The meeting ended about half after ten o'clock, and I remember taking +Miss Anthony to our hotel and escorting her to her room. I also remember +that she followed me to the door and made some laughing remark as I left +for my own room; but I recall nothing more until the next morning when +she stood beside me telling me it was time for breakfast. She had found +me lying on the cover of my bed, fully clothed even to my bonnet and +shoes. I had fallen there, utterly exhausted, when I entered my room the +night before, and I do not think I had even moved from that time until +the moment--nine hours later--when I heard her voice and felt her hand +on my shoulder. + +After all our work, we did not win Dakota that year, but Miss Anthony +bore the disappointment with the serenity she always showed. To her a +failure was merely another opportunity, and I mention our experience +here only to show of what she was capable in her gallant seventies. But +I should misrepresent her if I did not show her human and sentimental +side as well. With all her detachment from human needs she had emotional +moments, and of these the most satisfying came when she was listening +to music. She knew nothing whatever about music, but was deeply moved by +it; and I remember vividly one occasion when Nordica sang for her, at an +afternoon reception given by a Chicago friend in "Aunt Susan's" honor. +As it happened, she had never heard Nordica sing until that day; and +before the music began the great artiste and the great leader met, and +in the moment of meeting became friends. When Nordica sang, half an hour +later, she sang directly to Miss Anthony, looking into her eyes; and +"Aunt Susan" listened with her own eyes full of tears. When the last +notes had been sung she went to the singer and put both arms around her. +The music had carried her back to her girlhood and to the sentiment of +sixteen. + +"Oh, Nordica," she sighed, "I could die listening to such singing!" + +Another example of her unquenchable youth has also a Chicago setting. +During the World's Fair a certain clergyman made an especially violent +stand in favor of closing the Fair grounds on Sunday. Miss Anthony took +issue with him. + +"If I had charge of a young man in Chicago at this time," she told the +clergyman, "I would much rather have him locked inside the Fair grounds +on Sunday or any other day than have him going about on the outside." + +The clergyman was horrified. "Would you like to have a son of yours go +to Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show on Sunday?" he demanded. + +"Of course I would," admitted Miss Anthony. "In fact, I think he would +learn more there than from the sermons preached in some churches." + +Later this remark was repeated to Colonel Cody ("Buffalo Bill"), who, +of course, was delighted with it. He at once wrote to Miss Anthony, +thanking her for the breadth of her views, and offering her a box for +his "Show." She had no strong desire to see the performance, but some of +us urged her to accept the invitation and to take us with her. She was +always ready to do anything that would give us pleasure, so she promised +that we should go the next afternoon. Others heard of the jaunt and +begged to go also, and Miss Anthony blithely took every applicant under +her wing, with the result that when we arrived at the box-office the +next day there were twelve of us in the group. When she presented her +note and asked for a box, the local manager looked doubtfully at the +delegation. + +"A box only holds six," he objected, logically. Miss Anthony, who had +given no thought to that slight detail, looked us over and smiled her +seraphic smile. + +"Why, in that case," she said, cheerfully, "you'll have to give us two +boxes, won't you?" + +The amused manager decided that he would, and handed her the tickets; +and she led her band to their places in triumph. When the performance +began Colonel Cody, as was his custom, entered the arena from the far +end of the building, riding his wonderful horse and bathed, of course, +in the effulgence of his faithful spot-light. He rode directly to our +boxes, reined his horse in front of Miss Anthony, rose in his stirrups, +and with his characteristic gesture swept his slouch-hat to his +saddle-bow in salutation. "Aunt Susan" immediately rose, bowed in +her turn and, for the moment as enthusiastic as a girl, waved her +handkerchief at him, while the big audience, catching the spirit of the +scene, wildly applauded. It was a striking picture this meeting of the +pioneer man and woman; and, poor as I am, I would give a hundred dollars +for a snapshot of it. + +On many occasions I saw instances of Miss Anthony's prescience--and +one of these was connected with the death of Frances E. Willard. "Aunt +Susan" had called on Miss Willard, and, coming to me from the sick-room, +had walked the floor, beating her hands together as she talked of the +visit. + +"Frances Willard is dying," she exclaimed, passionately. "She is dying, +and she doesn't know it, and no one around her realizes it. She is lying +there, seeing into two worlds, and making more plans than a thousand +women could carry out in ten years. Her brain is wonderful. She has the +most extraordinary clearness of vision. There should be a stenographer +in that room, and every word she utters should be taken down, for every +word is golden. But they don't understand. They can't realize that she +is going. I told Anna Gordon the truth, but she won't believe it." + +Miss Willard died a few days later, with a suddenness which seemed to be +a terrible shock to those around her. + +Of "Aunt Susan's" really remarkable lack of selfconsciousness we who +worked close to her had a thousand extraordinary examples. Once, I +remember, at the New Orleans Convention, she reached the hall a little +late, and as she entered the great audience already assembled gave her +a tremendous reception. The exercises of the day had not yet begun, and +Miss Anthony stopped short and looked around for an explanation of the +outburst. It never for a moment occurred to her that the tribute was to +her. + +"What has happened, Anna?" she asked at last. + +"You happened, Aunt Susan," I had to explain. + +Again, on the great "College Night" of the Baltimore Convention, +when President M. Carey Thomas of Bryn Mawr College had finished her +wonderful tribute to Miss Anthony, the audience, carried away by the +speech and also by the presence of the venerable leader on the platform, +broke into a whirlwind of applause. In this "Aunt Susan" artlessly +joined, clapping her hands as hard as she could. "This is all for you, +Aunt Susan," I whispered, "so it isn't your time to applaud." + +"Aunt Susan" continued to clap. "Nonsense," she said, briskly. "It's not +for me. It's for the Cause--the Cause!" + +Miss Anthony told me in 1904 that she regarded her reception in Berlin, +during the meeting of the International Council of Women that year, as +the climax of her career. She said it after the unexpected and +wonderful ovation she had received from the German people, and certainly +throughout her inspiring life nothing had happened that moved her more +deeply. + +For some time Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt, of whose splendid work for the +Cause I shall later have more to say, had cherished the plan of forming +an International Suffrage Alliance. She believed the time had come when +the suffragists of the entire world could meet to their common benefit; +and Miss Anthony, always Mrs. Catt's devoted friend and admirer, agreed +with her. A committee was appointed to meet in Berlin in 1904, just +before the meeting of the International Council of Women, and Miss +Anthony was appointed chairman of the committee. At first the plan of +the committee was not welcomed by the International Council; there was +even a suspicion that its purpose was to start a rival organization. +But it met, a constitution was framed, and officers were elected, Mrs. +Catt--the ideal choice for the place--being made president. As a climax +to the organization, a great public mass-meeting had been arranged by +the German suffragists, but at the special plea of the president of the +International Council Miss Anthony remained away from this meeting. It +was represented to her that the interests of the Council might suffer if +she and other of its leading speakers were also leaders in the suffrage +movement. In the interest of harmony, there fore, she followed the +wishes of the Council's president--to my great unhappiness and to that +of other suffragists. + +When the meeting was opened the first words of the presiding officer +were, "Where is Susan B. Anthony?" and the demonstration that followed +the question was the most unexpected and overwhelming incident of the +gathering. The entire audience rose, men jumped on their chairs, and the +cheering continued without a break for ten minutes. Every second of that +time I seemed to see Miss Anthony, alone in her hotel room, longing with +all her big heart to be with us, as we longed to have her. I prayed that +the loss of a tribute which would have meant so much might be made up +to her, and it was. Afterward, when we burst in upon her and told her +of the great demonstration the mere mention of her name had caused, her +lips quivered and her brave old eyes filled with tears. As we looked at +her I think we all realized anew that what the world called stoicism +in Susan B. Anthony throughout the years of her long struggle had been, +instead, the splendid courage of an indomitable soul--while all the time +the woman's heart had longed for affection and recognition. The next +morning the leading Berlin newspaper, in reporting the debate and +describing the spontaneous tribute to Miss Anthony, closed with these +sentences: "The Americans call her 'Aunt Susan.' She is our 'Aunt +Susan,' too!" + +Throughout the remainder of Miss Anthony's visit she was the most +honored figure at the International Council. Every time she entered the +great convention-hall the entire audience rose and remained standing +until she was seated; each mention of her name was punctuated by cheers; +and the enthusiasm when she appeared on the platform to say a few words +was beyond bounds. When the Empress of Germany gave her reception to the +officers of the Council, she crowned the hospitality of her people in a +characteristically gracious way. As soon as Miss Anthony was presented +to her the Empress invited her to be seated, and to remain seated, +although every one else, including the august lady herself, was +standing. A little later, seeing the intrepid warrior of eighty-four +on her feet with the other delegates, the Empress sent one of her aides +across the room with this message: "Please tell my friend Miss Anthony +that I especially wish her to be seated. We must not let her grow +weary." + +In her turn, Miss Anthony was fascinated by the Empress. She could not +keep her eyes off that charming royal lady. Probably the thing that most +impressed her was the ability of her Majesty as a linguist. Receiving +women from every civilized country on the globe, the Empress seemed to +address each in her own tongue-slipping from one language into the next +as easily as from one topic to another. + +"And here I am," mourned "Aunt Susan," "speaking only one language, and +that not very well." + +At this Berlin quinquennial, by the way, I preached the Council sermon, +and the occasion gained a certain interest from the fact that I was the +first ordained woman to preach in a church in Germany. It then took on +a tinge of humor from the additional fact that, according to the +German law, as suddenly revealed to us by the police, no clergyman was +permitted to preach unless clothed in clerical robes in the pulpit. It +happened that I had not taken my clerical robes with me--I am constantly +forgetting those clerical robes!--so the pastor of the church kindly +offered me his robes. + +Now the pastor was six feet tall and broad in proportion, and I, as I +have already confessed, am very short. His robes transformed me into +such an absurd caricature of a preacher that it was quite impossible for +me to wear them. What, then, were we to do? Lacking clerical robes, the +police would not allow me to utter six words. It was finally decided +that the clergyman should meet the letter of the law by entering the +pulpit in his robes and standing by my side while I delivered my sermon. +The law soberly accepted this solution of the problem, and we offered +the congregation the extraordinary tableau of a pulpit combining a large +and impressive pastor standing silently beside a small and inwardly +convulsed woman who had all she could do to deliver her sermon with the +solemnity the occasion required. + +At this same conference I made one of the few friendships I enjoy with +a member of a European royal family, for I met the Princess Blank of +Italy, who overwhelmed me with attention during my visit, and from whom +I still receive charming letters. She invited me to visit her in her +castle in Italy, and to accompany her to her mother's castle in Austria, +and she finally insisted on knowing exactly why I persistently refused +both invitations. + +"Because, my dear Princess," I explained, "I am a working-woman." + +"Nobody need KNOW that," murmured the Princess, calmly. + +"On the contrary," I assured her, "it is the first thing I should +explain." + +"But why?" the Princess wanted to know. + +I studied her in silence for a moment. She was a new and interesting +type to me, and I was glad to exchange viewpoints with her. + +"You are proud of your family, are you not?" I asked. "You are proud of +your great line?" + +The Princess drew herself up. "Assuredly," she said. + +"Very well," I continued. "I am proud, too. What I have done I have done +unaided, and, to be frank with you, I rather approve of it. My work is +my patent of nobility, and I am not willing to associate with those from +whom it would have to be concealed or with those who would look down +upon it." + +The Princess sighed. I was a new type to her, too, as new as she was to +me; but I had the advantage of her, for I could understand her point +of view, whereas she apparently could not follow mine. She was very +gracious to me, however, showing me kindness and friendship in a dozen +ways, giving me an immense amount of her time and taking rather more of +my time than I could spare, but never forgetting for a moment that her +blood was among the oldest in Europe, and that all her traditions were +in keeping with its honorable age. + +After the Berlin meeting Miss Anthony and I were invited to spend a +week-end at the home of Mrs. Jacob Bright, that "Aunt Susan" might renew +her acquaintance with Annie Besant. This visit is among my most vivid +memories. Originally "Aunt Susan" had greatly admired Mrs. Besant, +and had openly lamented the latter's concentration on theosophical +interests--when, as Miss Anthony put it, "there are so many live +problems here in this world." Now she could not conceal her disapproval +of the "other-worldliness" of Mrs. Besant, Mrs. Bright, and her +daughter. Some remarkable and, to me, most amusing discussions took +place among the three; but often, during Mrs. Besant's most sustained +oratorical flights, Miss Anthony's interest would wander, and she would +drop a remark that showed she had not heard a word. She had a great +admiration for Mrs. Besant's intellect; but she disapproved of her +flowing and picturesque white robes, of her bare feet, of her incessant +cigarette-smoking; above all, of her views. At last, one day.{sic} the +climax of the discussions came. + +"Annie," demanded "Aunt Susan," "why don't you make that aura of +yours do its gallivanting in this world, looking up the needs of the +oppressed, and investigating the causes of present wrongs? Then you +could reveal to us workers just what we should do to put things right, +and we could be about it." + +Mrs. Besant sighed and said that life was short and aeons were long, +and that while every one would be perfected some time, it was useless to +deal with individuals here. + +"But, Annie!" exclaimed Miss Anthony, pathetically. "We ARE here! Our +business is here! It's our duty to do what we can here." + +Mrs. Besant seemed not to hear her. She was in a trance, gazing into the +aeons. + +"I'd rather have one year of your ability, backed up with common sense, +for the work of making this world better," cried the exasperated "Aunt +Susan," "than a million aeons in the hereafter!" + +Mrs. Besant sighed again. It was plain that she could not bring herself +back from the other world, so Miss Anthony, perforce, accompanied her to +it. + +"When your aura goes visiting in the other world," she asked, curiously, +"does it ever meet your old friend Charles Bradlaugh?" + +"Oh yes," declared Mrs. Besant. "Frequently." + +"Wasn't he very much surprised," demanded Miss Anthony, with growing +interest, "to discover that he was not dead?" + +Mrs. Besant did not seem to know what emotion Mr. Bradlaugh had +experienced when that revelation came. + +"Well," mused "Aunt Susan," "I should think he would have been +surprised. He was so certain he was going to be dead that it must have +been astounding to discover he wasn't. What was he doing in the other +world?" + +Mrs. Besant heaved a deeper sigh. "I am very much discouraged over Mr. +Bradlaugh," she admitted, wanly. "He is hovering too near this world. +He cannot seem to get away from his mundane interests. He is as much +concerned with parliamentary affairs now as when he was on this plane." + +"Humph!" said Miss Anthony; "that's the most sensible thing I've heard +yet about the other world. It encourages me. I've always felt sure that +if I entered the other life before women were enfranchised nothing in +the glories of heaven would interest me so much as the work for women's +freedom on earth. Now," she ended, "I shall be like Mr. Bradlaugh. I +shall hover round and continue my work here." + +When Mrs. Besant had left the room Mrs. Bright felt that it was her duty +to admonish "Aunt Susan" to be more careful in what she said. + +"You are making too light of her creed," she expostulated. "You do not +realize the important position Mrs. Besant holds. Why, in India, when +she walks from her home to her school all those she meets prostrate +themselves. Even the learned men prostrate themselves and put their +faces on the ground as she goes by." + +"Aunt Susan's" voice, when she replied, took on the tones of one who is +sorely tried. "But why in Heaven's name does any sensible Englishwoman +want a lot of heathen to prostrate themselves as she goes up the +street?" she demanded, wearily. "It's the most foolish thing I ever +heard." + +The effort to win Miss Anthony over to the theosophical doctrine was +abandoned. That night, after we had gone to our rooms, "Aunt Susan" +summed up her conclusions on the interview: + +"It's a good thing for the world," she declared, "that some of us don't +know so much. And it's a better thing for this world that some of us +think a little earthly common sense is more valuable than too much +heavenly knowledge." + + + + +X. THE PASSING OF "AUNT SUSAN" + + +On one occasion Miss Anthony had the doubtful pleasure of reading her +own obituary notices, and her interest in them was characteristically +naive. She had made a speech at Lakeside, Ohio, during which, for the +first time in her long experience, she fainted on the platform. I was +not with her at the time, and in the excitement following her collapse +it was rumored that she had died. Immediately the news was telegraphed +to the Associated Press of New York, and from there flashed over the +country. At Miss Anthony's home in Rochester a reporter rang the bell +and abruptly informed her sister, Miss Mary Anthony, who came to the +door, that "Aunt Susan" was dead. Fortunately Miss Mary had a cool head. + +"I think," she said, "that if my sister had died I would have heard +about it. Please have your editors telegraph to Lakeside." + +The reporter departed, but came back an hour later to say that his +newspaper had sent the telegram and the reply was that Susan B. Anthony +was dead. + +"I have just received a better telegram than that," remarked Mary +Anthony. "Mine is from my sister; she tells me that she fainted +to-night, but soon recovered and will be home to-morrow." + +Nevertheless, the next morning the American newspapers gave much +space to Miss Anthony's obituary notices, and "Aunt Susan" spent some +interesting hours reading them. One that pleased her vastly was printed +in the Wichita Eagle, whose editor, Mr. Murdock, had been almost her +bitterest opponent. He had often exhausted his brilliant vocabulary in +editorial denunciations of suffrage and suffragists, and Miss Anthony +had been the special target of his scorn. But the news of her death +seemed to be a bitter blow to him; and of all the tributes the +American press gave to Susan B. Anthony dead, few equaled in beauty and +appreciation the one penned by Mr. Murdock and published in the Eagle. +He must have been amused when, a few days later, he received a letter +from "Aunt Susan" herself, thanking him warmly for his changed opinion +of her and hoping that it meant the conversion of his soul to our Cause. +It did not, and Mr. Murdock, though never again quite as bitter as he +had been, soon resumed the free editorial expression of his antisuffrage +sentiments. Times have changed, however, and to-day his son, now a +member of Congress, is one of our strongest supporters in that body. + +In 1905 it became plain that Miss Anthony's health was failing. Her +visits to Germany and England the previous year, triumphant though they +had been, had also proved a drain on her vitality; and soon after her +return to America she entered upon a task which helped to exhaust her +remaining strength. She had been deeply interested in securing a fund of +$50,000 to enable women to enter Rochester University, and, one morning, +just after we had held a session of our executive committee in her +Rochester home, she read a newspaper announcement to the effect that +at four o'clock that afternoon the opportunity to admit women to the +university would expire, as the full fifty thousand dollars had not been +raised. The sum of eight thousand dollars was still lacking. + +With characteristic energy, Miss Anthony undertook to save the situation +by raising this amount within the time limit. Rushing to the telephone, +she called a cab and prepared to go forth on her difficult quest; but +first, while she was putting on her hat and coat, she insisted that her +sister, Mary Anthony, should start the fund by contributing one thousand +dollars from her meager savings, and this Miss Mary did. "Aunt Susan" +made every second count that day, and by half after three o'clock +she had secured the necessary pledges. Several of the trustees of the +university, however, had not seemed especially anxious to have the +fund raised, and at the last moment they objected to one pledge for a +thousand dollars, on the ground that the man who had given it was very +old and might die before the time set to pay it; then his family, they +feared, might repudiate the obligation. Without a word Miss Anthony +seized the pledge and wrote her name across it as an indorsement. "I am +good for it," she then said, quietly, "if the gentleman who signed it is +not." + +That afternoon she returned home greatly fatigued. A few hours later the +girl students who had been waiting admission to the university came to +serenade her in recognition of her successful work for them, but she +was too ill to see them. She was passing through the first stage of what +proved to be her final breakdown. + +In 1906, when the date of the annual convention of the National American +Woman Suffrage Association in Baltimore was drawing near, she became +convinced that it would be her last convention. She was right. She +showed a passionate eagerness to make it one of the greatest conventions +ever held in the history of the movement; and we, who loved her and saw +that the flame of her life was burning low, also bent all our energies +to the task of realizing her hopes. In November preceding the convention +she visited me and her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, in our home in +Mount Airy, Philadelphia, and it was clear that her anxiety over the +convention was weighing heavily upon her. She visibly lost strength from +day to day. One morning she said abruptly, "Anna, let's go and call on +President M. Carey Thomas, of Bryn Mawr." + +I wrote a note to Miss Thomas, telling her of Miss Anthony's desire to +see her, and received an immediate reply inviting us to luncheon the +following day. We found Miss Thomas deep in the work connected with her +new college buildings, over which she showed us with much pride. Miss +Anthony, of course, gloried in the splendid results Miss Thomas had +achieved, but she was, for her, strangely silent and preoccupied. At +luncheon she said: + +"Miss Thomas, your buildings are beautiful; your new library is a +marvel; but they are not the cause of our presence here." + +"No," Miss Thomas said; "I know you have something on your mind. I am +waiting for you to tell me what it is." + +"We want your co-operation, and that of Miss Garrett," began Miss +Anthony, promptly, "to make our Baltimore Convention a success. We want +you to persuade the Arundel Club of Baltimore, the most fashionable club +in the city, to give a reception to the delegates; and we want you to +arrange a college night on the programme--a great college night, with +the best college speakers ever brought together." + +These were large commissions for two extremely busy women, but both +Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett--realizing Miss Anthony's intense +earnestness--promised to think over the suggestions and see what they +could do. The next morning we received a telegram from them stating that +Miss Thomas would arrange the college evening, and that Miss Garrett +would reopen her Baltimore home, which she had closed, during the +convention. She also invited Miss Anthony and me to be her guests there, +and added that she would try to arrange the reception by the Arundel +Club. + +"Aunt Susan" was overjoyed. I have never seen her happier than she was +over the receipt of that telegram. She knew that whatever Miss Thomas +and Miss Garrett undertook would be accomplished, and she rightly +regarded the success of the convention as already assured. Her +expectations were more than realized. The college evening was +undoubtedly the most brilliant occasion of its kind ever arranged for a +convention. President Ira Remsen of Johns Hopkins University presided, +and addresses were made by President Mary E. Woolley of Mount Holyoke, +Professor Lucy Salmon of Vassar, Professor Mary Jordan of Smith, +President Thomas herself, and many others. + +From beginning to end the convention was probably the most notable yet +held in our history. Julia Ward Howe and her daughter, Florence Howe +Hall, were also guests of Miss Garrett, who, moreover, entertained all +the speakers of "College Night." Miss Anthony, now eighty-six, arrived +in Baltimore quite ill, and Mrs. Howe, who was ninety, was taken ill +soon after she reached there. The two great women made a dramatic +exchange on the programme, for on the first night, when Miss Anthony was +unable to speak, Mrs. Howe took her place, and on the second night, +when Mrs. Howe had succumbed, Miss Anthony had recovered sufficiently +to appear for her. Clara Barton was also an honored figure at the +convention, and Miss Anthony's joy in the presence of all these old and +dear friends was overflowing. With them, too, were the younger women, +ready to take up and carry on the work the old leaders were laying down; +and "Aunt Susan," as she surveyed them all, felt like a general whose +superb army is passing in review before him. At the close of the college +programme, when the final address had been made by Miss Thomas, Miss +Anthony rose and in a few words expressed her feeling that her life-work +was done, and her consciousness of the near approach of the end. After +that night she was unable to appear, and was indeed so ill that she +was confined to her bed in Miss Garrett's most hospitable home. Nothing +could have been more thoughtful or more beautiful than the care Miss +Garrett and Miss Thomas bestowed on her. They engaged for her one of the +best physicians in Baltimore, who, in turn, consulted with the leading +specialists of Johns Hopkins, and they also secured a trained nurse. +This final attention required special tact, for Miss Anthony's fear of +"giving trouble" was so great that she was not willing to have a nurse. +The nurse, therefore, wore a housemaid's uniform, and "Aunt Susan" +remained wholly unconscious that she was being cared for by one of the +best nurses in the famous hospital. + +Between sessions of the convention I used to sit by "Aunt Susan's" bed +and tell her what was going on. She was triumphant over the immense +success of the convention, but it was clear that she was still worrying +over the details of future work. One day at luncheon Miss Thomas asked +me, casually: + +"By the way, how do you raise the money to carry on your work?" + +When I told her the work was wholly dependent on voluntary contributions +and on the services of those who were willing to give themselves +gratuitously to it, Miss Thomas was greatly surprised. She and Miss +Garrett asked a number of practical questions, and at the end of our +talk they looked at each other. + +"I don't think," said Miss Thomas, "that we have quite done our duty in +this matter." + +The next day they invited a number of us to dinner, to again discuss +the situation; and they admitted that they had sat up throughout the +previous night, talking the matter over and trying to find some way to +help us. They had also discussed the situation with Miss Anthony, to +her vast content, and had finally decided that they would try to raise +a fund of $60,000, to be paid in yearly instalments of $12,000 for five +years--part of these annual instalments to be used as salaries for the +active officers. The mere mention of so large a fund startled us all. +We feared that it could not possibly be raised. But Miss Anthony plainly +believed that now the last great wish of her life had been granted. +She was convinced that Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett could accomplish +anything--even the miracle of raising $60,000 for the suffrage +cause--and they did, though "Aunt Susan" was not here to glory over the +result when they had achieved it. + +On the 15th of February we left Baltimore for Washington, where Miss +Anthony was to celebrate her eighty-sixth birthday. For many years +the National American Woman Suffrage Association had celebrated our +birthdays together, as hers came on the 15th of the month and mine on +the 14th. There had been an especially festive banquet when she was +seventy-four and I was forty-seven, and our friends had decorated the +table with floral "4's" and "7's"--the centerpiece representing "74" +during the first half of the banquet, and "47" the latter half. This +time "Aunt Susan" should not have attempted the Washington celebration, +for she was still ill and exhausted by the strain of the convention. But +notwithstanding her sufferings and the warnings of her physicians, she +insisted on being present; so Miss Garrett sent the trained nurse to +Washington with her, and we all tried to make the journey the least +possible strain on the patient's vitality. + +On our arrival in Washington we went to the Shoreham, where, as always, +the proprietor took pains to give Miss Anthony a room with a view of the +Washington monument, which she greatly admired. When I entered her room +a little later I found her standing at a window, holding herself up with +hands braced against the casement on either side, and so absorbed in the +view that she did not hear my approach. When I spoke to her she answered +without turning her head. + +"That," she said, softly, "is the most beautiful monument in the world." + +I stood by her side, and together we looked at it in silence I realizing +with a sick heart that "Aunt Susan" knew she was seeing it for the last +time. + +The birthday celebration that followed our executive meeting was an +impressive one. It was held in the Church of Our Father, whose pastor, +the Rev. John Van Schaick, had always been exceedingly kind to Miss +Anthony. Many prominent men spoke. President Roosevelt and other +statesmen sent most friendly letters, and William H. Taft had promised +to be present. He did not come, nor did he, then or later, send any +excuse for not coming--an omission that greatly disappointed Miss +Anthony, who had always admired him. I presided at the meeting, and +though we all did our best to make it gay, a strange hush hung over +the assemblage a solemn stillness, such as one feels in the presence +of death. We became more and more conscious that Miss Anthony was +suffering, and we hastened the exercises all we could. When I read +President Roosevelt's long tribute to her, Miss Anthony rose to comment +on it. + +"One word from President Roosevelt in his message to Congress," she +said, a little wearily, "would be worth a thousand eulogies of Susan +B. Anthony. When will men learn that what we ask is not praise, but +justice?" + +At the close of the meeting, realizing how weak she was, I begged her +to let me speak for her. But she again rose, rested her hand on my +shoulder, and, standing by my side, uttered the last words she ever +spoke in public, pleading with women to consecrate themselves to the +Cause, assuring them that no power could prevent its ultimate success, +but reminding them also that the time of its coming would depend wholly +on their work and their loyalty. She ended with three words--very +fitting words from her lips, expressing as they did the spirit of her +life-work--"FAILURE IS IMPOSSIBLE." + +The next morning she was taken to her home in Rochester, and one month +from that day we conducted her funeral services. The nurse who had +accompanied her from Baltimore remained with her until two others had +been secured to take her place, and every care that love or medical +science could suggest was lavished on the patient. But from the first +it was plain that, as she herself had foretold, "Aunt Susan's" soul was +merely waiting for the hour of its passing. + +One of her characteristic traits was a dislike to being seen, even by +those nearest to her, when she was not well. During the first three +weeks of her last illness, therefore, I did what she wished me to do--I +continued our work, trying to do hers as well as my own. But all the +time my heart was in her sick-room, and at last the day came when I +could no longer remain away from her. I had awakened in the morning with +a strong conviction that she needed me, and at the breakfast-table I +announced to her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, the friend who for years has +shared my home, that I was going at once to "Aunt Susan." + +"I shall not even wait to telegraph," I declared. "I am sure she has +sent for me; I shall take the first train." + +The journey brought me very close to death. As we were approaching +Wilkes-Barre our train ran into a wagon loaded with powder and dynamite, +which had been left on the track. The horses attached to it had been +unhitched by their driver, who had spent his time in this effort, when +he saw the train coming, instead of in signaling to the engineer. I was +on my way to the dining-car when the collision occurred, and, with every +one else who happened to be standing, I was hurled to the floor by the +impact; flash after flash of blinding light outside, accompanied by +a terrific roar, added to the panic of the passengers. When the train +stopped we learned how narrow had been our escape from an especially +unpleasant form of death. The dynamite in the wagon was frozen, and +therefore had not exploded; it was the explosion of the powder that had +caused the flashes and the din. The dark-green cars were burned almost +white, and as we stood staring at them, a silent, stunned group, our +conductor said, quietly, "You will never be as near death again, and +escape, as you have been to-day." + +The accident caused a long delay, and it was ten o'clock at night when +I reached Rochester and Miss Anthony's home. As I entered the house Miss +Mary Anthony rose in surprise to greet me. + +"How did you get here so soon?" she cried. And then: "We sent for you +this afternoon. Susan has been asking for you all day." + +When I reached my friend's bedside one glance at her face showed me the +end was near; and from that time until it came, almost a week later, I +remained with her; while again, as always, she talked of the Cause, and +of the life-work she must now lay down. The first thing she spoke of was +her will, which she had made several years before, and in which she +had left the small property she possessed to her sister Mary, her niece +Lucy, and myself, with instructions as to the use we three were to +make of it. Now she told me we were to pay no attention to these +instructions, but to give every dollar of her money to the $60,000 +fund Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett were trying to raise. She was vitally +interested in this fund, as its success meant that for five years the +active officers of the National American Woman Suffrage Association, +including myself as president, would for the first time receive salaries +for our work. When she had given her instructions on this point she +still seemed depressed. + +"I wish I could live on," she said, wistfully. "But I cannot. My spirit +is eager and my heart is as young as it ever was, but my poor old body +is worn out. Before I go I want you to give me a promise: Promise me +that you will keep the presidency of the association as long as you are +well enough to do the work." + +"But how can I promise that?" I asked. "I can keep it only as long as +others wish me to keep it." + +"Promise to make them wish you to keep it," she urged. "Just as I wish +you to keep it." + +I would have promised her anything then. So, though I knew that to hold +the presidency would tie me to a position that brought in no living +income, and though for several years past I had already drawn alarmingly +upon my small financial reserve, I promised her that I would hold the +office as long as the majority of the women in the association wished +me to do so. "But," I added, "if the time comes when I believe that some +one else can do better work in the presidency than I, then let me feel +at liberty to resign it." + +This did not satisfy her. + +"No, no," she objected. "You cannot be the judge of that. Promise me +you will remain until the friends you most trust tell you it is time to +withdraw, or make you understand that it is time. Promise me that." + +I made the promise. She seemed content, and again began to talk of the +future. + +"You will not have an easy path," she warned me. "In some ways it will +be harder for you than it has ever been for me. I was so much older than +the rest of you, and I had been president so long, that you girls have +all been willing to listen to me. It will be different with you. Other +women of your own age have been in the work almost as long as you have +been; you do not stand out from them by age or length of service, as I +did. There will be inevitable jealousies and misunderstandings; there +will be all sorts of criticism and misrepresentation. My last word +to you is this: No matter what is done or is not done, how you are +criticized or misunderstood, or what efforts are made to block your +path, remember that the only fear you need have is the fear of not +standing by the thing you believe to be right. Take your stand and hold +it; then let come what will, and receive blows like a good soldier." + +I was too much overcome to answer her; and after a moment of silence +she, in her turn, made me a promise. + +"I do not know anything about what comes to us after this life ends," +she said. "But if there is a continuance of life beyond it, and if I +have any conscious knowledge of this world and of what you are doing, I +shall not be far away from you; and in times of need I will help you all +I can. Who knows? Perhaps I may be able to do more for the Cause after I +am gone than while I am here." + +Nine years have passed since then, and in each day of them all it seems +to me, in looking back, I have had some occasion to recall her words. +When they were uttered I did not fully comprehend all they meant, or the +clearness of the vision that had suggested them. It seemed to me that +no position I could hold would be of sufficient importance to attract +jealousy or personal attacks. The years have brought more wisdom; I have +learned that any one who assumes leadership, or who, like myself, has +had leadership forced upon her, must expect to bear many things of which +the world knows nothing. But with this knowledge, too, has come the +memory of "Aunt Susan's" last promise, and again and yet again in +hours of discouragement and despair I have been helped by the blessed +conviction that she was keeping it. + +During the last forty-eight hours of her life she was unwilling that I +should leave her side. So day and night I knelt by her bed, holding her +hand and watching the flame of her wonderful spirit grow dim. At times, +even then, it blazed up with startling suddenness. On the last afternoon +of her life, when she had lain quiet for hours, she suddenly began to +utter the names of the women who had worked with her, as if in a final +roll-call. Many of them had preceded her into the next world; others +were still splendidly active in the work she was laying down. But young +or old, living or dead, they all seemed to file past her dying eyes that +day in an endless, shadowy review, and as they went by she spoke to each +of them. + +Not all the names she mentioned were known in suffrage ranks; some of +these women lived only in the heart of Susan B. Anthony, and now, for +the last time, she was thanking them for what they had done. Here was +one who, at a moment of special need, had given her small savings; here +was another who had won valuable recruits to the Cause; this one had +written a strong editorial; that one had made a stirring speech. In +these final hours it seemed that not a single sacrifice or service, +however small, had been forgotten by the dying leader. Last of all, +she spoke to the women who had been on her board and had stood by her +loyally so long--Rachel Foster Avery, Alice Stone Blackwell, Carrie +Chapman Catt, Mrs. Upton, Laura Clay, and others. Then, after lying in +silence for a long time with her cheek on my hand, she murmured: "They +are still passing before me--face after face, hundreds and hundreds of +them, representing all the efforts of fifty years. I know how hard they +have worked I know the sacrifices they have made. But it has all been +worth while!" + +Just before she lapsed into unconsciousness she seemed restless and +anxious to say something, searching my face with her dimming eyes. + +"Do you want me to repeat my promise?" I asked, for she had already made +me do so several times. She made a sign of assent, and I gave her the +assurance she desired. As I did so she raised my hand to her lips and +kissed it--her last conscious action. For more than thirty hours after +that I knelt by her side, but though she clung to my hand until her own +hand grew cold, she did not speak again. + +She had told me over and over how much our long friendship and +association had meant to her, and the comfort I had given her. But +whatever I may have been to her, it was as nothing compared with what +she was to me. Kneeling close to her as she passed away, I knew that +I would have given her a dozen lives had I had them, and endured +a thousand times more hardship than we had borne together, for the +inspiration of her companionship and the joy of her affection. They were +the greatest blessings I have had in all my life, and I cherish as my +dearest treasure the volume of her History of Woman Suffrage on the +fly-leaf of which she had written this inscription: + + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW: + +This huge volume IV I present to you with the love that a mother +beareth, and I hope you will find in it the facts about women, for you +will find them nowhere else. Your part will be to see that the four +volumes are duly placed in the libraries of the country, where every +student of history may have access to them. + +With unbounded love and faith, + +SUSAN B. ANTHONY. + + +That final line is still my greatest comfort. When I am misrepresented +or misunderstood, when I am accused of personal ambition or of working +for personal ends, I turn to it and to similar lines penned by the same +hand, and tell myself that I should not allow anything to interfere with +the serenity of my spirit or to disturb me in my work. At the end of +eighteen years of the most intimate companionship, the leader of +our Cause, the greatest woman I have ever known, still felt for me +"unbounded love and faith." Having had that, I have had enough. + +For two days after "Aunt Susan's" death she lay in her own home, as if +in restful slumber, her face wearing its most exquisite look of peaceful +serenity; and here her special friends, the poor and the unfortunate of +the city, came by hundreds to pay their last respects. On the third +day there was a public funeral, held in the Congregational church, +and, though a wild blizzard was raging, every one in Rochester seemed +included in the great throng of mourners who came to her bier in +reverence and left it in tears. The church services were conducted +by the pastor, the Rev. C. C. Albertson, a lifelong friend of Miss +Anthony's, assisted by the Rev. William C. Gannett. James G. Potter, +the Mayor of the city, and Dr. Rush Rhees, president of Rochester +University, occupied prominent places among the distinguished mourners, +and Mrs. Jerome Jeffries, the head of a colored school, spoke in behalf +of the negro race and its recognition of Miss Anthony's services. +College clubs, medical societies, and reform groups were represented by +delegates sent from different states, and Miss Anna Gordon had come on +from Illinois to represent the Woman's National Christian Temperance +Union. Mrs. Catt delivered a eulogy in which she expressed the love +and recognition of the organized suffrage women of the world for Miss +Anthony, as the one to whom they had all looked as their leader. William +Lloyd Garrison spoke of Miss Anthony's work with his father and other +antislavery leaders, and Mrs. Jean Brooks Greenleaf spoke in behalf +of the New York State Suffrage Association. Then, as "Aunt Susan" had +requested, I made the closing address. She had asked me to do this and +to pronounce the benediction, as well as to say the final words at her +grave. + +It was estimated that more than ten thousand persons were assembled +in and around the church, and after the benediction those who had been +patiently waiting out in the storm were permitted to pass inside in +single file for a last look at their friend. They found the coffin +covered by a large American flag, on which lay a wreath of laurel and +palms; around it stood a guard of honor composed of girl students of +Rochester University in their college caps and gowns. All day students +had mounted guard, relieving one another at intervals. On every side +there were flowers and floral emblems sent by various organizations, and +just over "Aunt Susan's" head floated the silk flag given to her by the +women of Colorado. It contained four gold stars, representing the four +enfranchised states, while the other stars were in silver. On her breast +was pinned the jeweled flag given to her on her eightieth birthday +by the women of Wyoming--the first place in the world where in the +constitution of the state women were given equal political rights with +men. Here the four stars representing the enfranchised states were +made of diamonds, the others of silver enamel. Just before the lid was +fastened on the coffin this flag was removed and handed to Mary Anthony, +who presented it to me. From that day I have worn it on every occasion +of importance to our Cause, and each time a state is won for woman +suffrage I have added a new diamond star. At the time I write this--in +1914--there are twelve. + +As the funeral procession went through the streets of Rochester it was +seen that all the city flags were at half-mast, by order of the City +Council. Many houses were draped in black, and the grief of the citizens +manifested itself on every side. All the way to Mount Hope Cemetery +the snow whirled blindingly around us, while the masses that had fallen +covered the earth as far as we could see a fitting winding-sheet for +the one who had gone. Under the fir-trees around her open grave I obeyed +"Aunt Susan's" wish that I should utter the last words spoken over her +body as she was laid to rest: + +"Dear friend," I said, "thou hast tarried with us long. Now thou hast +gone to thy well-earned rest. We beseech the Infinite Spirit Who has +upheld thee to make us worthy to follow in thy steps and to carry on thy +work. Hail and farewell." + + + + +XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +In my chapters on Miss Anthony I bridged the twenty years between 1886 +and 1906, omitting many of the stirring suffrage events of that +long period, in my desire to concentrate on those which most vitally +concerned her. I must now retrace my steps along the widening suffrage +stream and describe, consecutively at least, and as fully as these +incomplete reminiscences will permit, other incidents that occurred on +its banks. + +Of these the most important was the union in 1889 of the two great +suffrage societies--the American Association, of which Lucy Stone was +the president, and the National Association, headed by Susan B. Anthony +and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. At a convention held in Washington +these societies were merged as The National American Woman Suffrage +Association--the name our association still bears--and Mrs. Stanton was +elected president. She was then nearly eighty and past active work, but +she made a wonderful presiding officer at our subsequent meetings, and +she was as picturesque as she was efficient. + +Miss Anthony, who had an immense admiration for her and a great personal +pride in her, always escorted her to the capital, and, having worked +her utmost to make the meeting a success, invariably gave Mrs. Stanton +credit for all that was accomplished. She often said that Mrs. Stanton +was the brains of the new association, while she herself was merely its +hands and feet; but in truth the two women worked marvelously together, +for Mrs. Stanton was a master of words and could write and speak to +perfection of the things Susan B. Anthony saw and felt but could not +herself express. Usually Miss Anthony went to Mrs. Stanton's house and +took charge of it while she stimulated the venerable president to the +writing of her annual address. Then, at the subsequent convention, she +would listen to the report with as much delight and pleasure as if each +word of it had been new to her. Even after Mrs. Stanton's resignation +from the presidency--at the end, I think, of three years--and Miss +Anthony's election as her successor, "Aunt Susan" still went to her +old friend whenever an important resolution was to be written, and Mrs. +Stanton loyally drafted it for her. + +Mrs. Stanton was the most brilliant conversationalist I have ever known; +and the best talk I have heard anywhere was that to which I used to +listen in the home of Mrs. Eliza Wright Osborne, in Auburn, New York, +when Mrs. Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Emily Howland, Elizabeth Smith +Miller, Ida Husted Harper, Miss Mills, and I were gathered there for +our occasional week-end visits. Mrs. Osborne inherited her suffrage +sympathies, for she was the daughter of Martha Wright, who, with Mrs. +Stanton and Lucretia Mott, called the first suffrage convention in +Seneca Falls, New York. I must add in passing that her son, Thomas Mott +Osborne, who is doing such admirable work in prison reform at Sing Sing, +has shown himself worthy of the gifted and high-minded mother who gave +him to the world. + +Most of the conversation in Mrs. Osborne's home was contributed by Mrs. +Stanton and Miss Anthony, while the rest of us sat, as it were, at their +feet. Many human and feminine touches brightened the lofty discussions +that were constantly going on, and the varied characteristics of our +leaders cropped up in amusing fashion. Mrs. Stanton, for example, was +rarely accurate in giving figures or dates, while Miss Anthony was +always very exact in such matters. She frequently corrected Mrs. +Stanton's statements, and Mrs. Stanton usually took the interruption +in the best possible spirit, promptly admitting that "Aunt Susan" knew +best. On one occasion I recall, however, she held fast to her opinion +that she was right as to the month in which a certain incident had +occurred. + +"No, Susan," she insisted, "you're wrong for once. I remember perfectly +when that happened, for it was at the time I was beginning to wean +Harriet." + +Aunt Susan, though somewhat staggered by the force of this testimony, +still maintained that Mrs. Stanton must be mistaken, whereupon the +latter repeated, in exasperation, "I tell you it happened when I was +weaning Harriet." And she added, scornfully, "What event have you got to +reckon from?" + +Miss Anthony meekly subsided. + +Mrs. Stanton had wonderful blue eyes, which held to the end of her life +an expression of eternal youth. During our conventions she usually took +a little nap in the afternoon, and when she awoke her blue eyes always +had an expression of pleased and innocent surprise, as if she were +gazing on the world for the first time--the round, unwinking, interested +look a baby's eyes have when something attractive is held up before +them. + +Let me give in a paragraph, before I swing off into the bypaths that +always allure me, the consecutive suffrage events of the past quarter +of a century. Having done this, I can dwell on each as casually as I +choose, for it is possible to describe only a few incidents here and +there; and I shall not be departing from the story of my life, for my +life had become merged in the suffrage cause. + +Of the preliminary suffrage campaigns in Kansas, made in company with +"Aunt Susan," I have already written, and it remains only to say that +during the second Kansas campaign yellow was adopted as the suffrage +color. In 1890, '92, and '93 we again worked in Kansas and in South +Dakota, with such indefatigable and brilliant speakers as Mrs. Catt (to +whose efforts also were largely due the winning of Colorado in '93), +Mrs. Laura Johns of Kansas, Mrs. Julia Nelson, Henry B. Blackwell, Dr. +Helen V. Putnam of Dakota, Mrs. Emma Smith DeVoe, Rev. Olympia Browne of +Wisconsin, and Dr. Mary Seymour Howell of New York. In '94, '95, and '96 +special efforts were devoted to Idaho, Utah, California, and Washington, +and from then on our campaigns were waged steadily in the Western +states. + +The Colorado victory gave us two full suffrage states, for in 1869 +the Territory of Wyoming had enfranchised women under very interesting +conditions, not now generally remembered. The achievement was due to +the influence of one woman, Esther Morris, a pioneer who was as good a +neighbor as she was a suffragist. In those early days, in homes far from +physicians and surgeons, the women cared for one another in sickness, +and Esther Morris, as it happened, once took full and skilful charge +of a neighbor during the difficult birth of the latter's child. She had +done the same thing for many other women, but this woman's husband was +especially grateful. He was also a member of the Legislature, and he +told Mrs. Morris that if there was any measure she wished put through +for the women of the territory he would be glad to introduce it. She +immediately took him at his word by asking him to introduce a bill +enfranchising women, and he promptly did so. + +The Legislature was Democratic, and it pounced upon the measure as a +huge joke. With the amiable purpose of embarrassing the Governor of the +territory, who was a Republican and had been appointed by the President, +the members passed the bill and put it up to him to veto. To their +combined horror and amazement, the young Governor did nothing of the +kind. He had come, as it happened, from Salem, Ohio, one of the first +towns in the United States in which a suffrage convention was held. +There, as a boy, he had heard Susan B. Anthony make a speech, and he had +carried into the years the impression it made upon him. He signed that +bill; and, as the Legislature could not get a two-thirds vote to kill it, +the disgusted members had to make the best of the matter. The following +year a Democrat introduced a bill to repeal the measure, but already +public sentiment had changed and he was laughed down. After that no +further effort was ever made to take the ballot away from the women of +Wyoming. + +When the territory applied for statehood, it was feared that the +woman-suffrage clause in the constitution might injure its chance of +admission, and the women sent this telegram to Joseph M. Carey: + +"Drop us if you must. We can trust the men of Wyoming to enfranchise us +after our territory becomes a state." + +Mr. Carey discussed this telegram with the other men who were urging +upon Congress the admission of their territory, and the following reply +went back: + +"We may stay out of the Union a hundred years, but we will come in with +our women." + +There is great inspiration in those two messages--and a great lesson, as +well. + +In 1894 we conducted a campaign in New York, when an effort was made to +secure a clause to enfranchise women in the new state constitution; and +for the first time in the history of the woman-suffrage movement many of +the influential women in the state and city of New York took an active +part in the work. Miss Anthony was, as always, our leader and greatest +inspiration. Mrs. John Brooks Greenleaf was state president, and Miss +Mary Anthony was the most active worker in the Rochester headquarters. +Mrs. Lily Devereaux Blake had charge of the campaign in New York City, +and Mrs. Marianna Chapman looked after the Brooklyn section, while a +most stimulating sign of the times was the organization of a committee +of New York women of wealth and social influence, who established their +headquarters at Sherry's. Among these were Mrs. Josephine Shaw Lowell, +Mrs. Joseph H. Choate, Dr. Mary Putnam Jacobi, Mrs. J. Warren Goddard, +and Mrs. Robert Abbe. Miss Anthony, then in her seventy-fifth year, +spoke in every county of the state sixty in all. I spoke in forty, and +Mrs. Catt, as always, made a superb record. Miss Harriet May Mills, a +graduate of Cornell, and Miss Mary G. Hay, did admirable organization +work in the different counties. Our disappointment over the result was +greatly soothed by the fact that only two years later both Idaho and +Utah swung into line as full suffrage states, though California, in +which we had labored with equal zeal, waited fifteen years longer. + +Among these campaigns, and overlapping them, were our annual +conventions--each of which I attended from 1888 on--and the national +and international councils, to a number of which, also, I have given +preliminary mention. When Susan B. Anthony died in 1906, four American +states had granted suffrage to woman. At the time I write--1914--the +result of the American women's work for suffrage may be briefly +tabulated thus: + + SUFFRAGE STATUS + + FULL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + + Number of + State Year Won Electoral Votes + Wyoming 1869 3 + Colorado 1893 6 + Idaho 1896 4 + Utah 1896 4 + Washington 1910 7 + California 1911 13 + Arizona 1912 3 + Kansas 1912 10 + Oregon 1912 5 + Alaska 1913 -- + Nevada 1914 3 + Montana 1914 4 + + + PRESIDENTIAL AND MUNICIPAL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + Number of + State Year Won Electoral Votes + + Illinois 1913 29 + + + STATES WHERE AMENDMENT HAS PASSED ONE LEGISLATURE AND + MUST PASS ANOTHER + + Number Goes to + State House Senate Voters Electoral Votes + Iowa 81-26 31-15 1916 13 + Massachusetts 169-39 34-2 1915 18 + New Jersey 49-4 15-3 1915 14 + New York 125-5 40-2 1915 45 + North Dakota 77-29 31-19 1916 5 + Pennsylvania 131-70 26-22 1915 38 + + + + To tabulate the wonderful work done by the + conventions and councils is not possible, but a con + secutive list of the meetings would run like this: + + + First National Convention, Washington, D.C., 1887. + First International Council of Women, Washington, D.C., 1888. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1889. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1890. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1891. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1892. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1893. + International Council, Chicago, 1893. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1894. + National Suffrage Convention, Atlanta, Ga., 1895. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1896. + National Suffrage Convention, Des Moines, Iowa, 1897. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1898. + National Suffrage Convention, Grand Rapids, Mich., 1899. + International Council, London, England, 1899. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1900. + National Suffrage Convention, Minneapolis, Minn., 1901. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1902. + National Suffrage Convention, New Orleans, La., 1903. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1904. + International Council of Women, Berlin, Germany, 1904. + Formation of Intern'l Suffrage Alliance, Berlin, Germany, 1904. + National Suffrage Convention, Portland, Oregon, 1905. + National Suffrage Convention, Baltimore, Md., 1906. + International Suffrage Alliance, Copenhagen, Denmark, 1906. + National Suffrage Convention, Chicago, III., 1907. + International Suffrage Alliance, Amsterdam, Holland, 1908. + National Suffrage Convention, Buffalo, N. Y., 1908. + New York Headquarters established, 1909. + National Suffrage Convention, Seattle, Wash., 1909. + International Suffrage Alliance, London, England, 1909. + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1910. + International Council, Genoa, Italy, 1911. + National Suffrage Convention, Louisville, Ky., 1911. + International Suffrage Alliance, Stockholm, Sweden, 1911. + National Suffrage Convention, Philadelphia, Pa., 1912. + International Council, The Hague, Holland, 1913 + National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C.; 1913. + International Suffrage Alliance, Budapest, Hungary, 1913. + National Suffrage Convention, Nashville, Tenn., 1914. + International Council, Rome, Italy, 1914. + + +The winning of the suffrage states, the work in the states not yet won, +the conventions, gatherings, and international councils in which women +of every nation have come together, have all combined to make this +quarter of a century the most brilliant period for women in the history +of the world. I have set forth the record baldly and without comment, +because the bare facts are far more eloquent than words. It must not be +forgotten, too, that these great achievements of the progressive women +of to-day have been accomplished against the opposition of a large +number of their own sex--who, while they are out in the world's arena +fighting against progress for their sisters, still shatter the ear-drum +with their incongruous war-cry, "Woman's place is in the home!" + here: We were attending the Republican state nominating convention at +Mitchell--Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, other leaders, and myself--having +been told that it would be at once the largest and the most interesting +gathering ever held in the state as it proved to be. All the leading +politicians of the state were there, and in the wake of the white men +had come tribes of Indians with their camp outfits, their wives and +their children--the groups forming a picturesque circle of tents and +tepees around the town. It was a great occasion for them, an Indian +powwow, for by the law all Indians who had lands in severalty were to be +permitted to vote the following year. They were present, therefore, to +study the ways of the white man, and an edifying exhibition of these was +promptly offered them. + +The crowd was so great that it was only through the courtesy of Major +Pickler, a member of Congress and a devoted believer in suffrage, that +Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and the rest of us were able to secure passes +to the convention, and when we reached the hall we were escorted to the +last row of seats on the crowded platform. As the space between us and +the speakers was filled by rows upon rows of men, as well as by the band +and their instruments, we could see very little that took place. Some of +our friends pointed out this condition to the local committee and asked +that we be given seats on the floor, but received the reply that +there was "absolutely no room on the floor except for delegates and +distinguished visitors." Our persistent friends then suggested that at +least a front seat should be given to Miss Anthony, who certainly +came under the head of a "distinguished visitor"; but this was not +done--probably because a large number of the best seats were filled by +Russian laborers wearing badges inscribed "Against Woman Suffrage and +Susan B. Anthony." We remained, perforce, in our rear seats, finding +such interest as we could in the back view of hundreds of heads. + +Just before the convention was called to order it was announced that a +delegation of influential Indians was waiting outside, and a motion +to invite the red men into the hall was made and carried with great +enthusiasm. A committee of leading citizens was appointed to act as +escort, and these gentlemen filed out, returning a few moments later +with a party of Indian warriors in full war regalia, even to their +gay blankets, their feathered head-dresses, and their paint. When they +appeared the band struck up a stirring march of welcome, and the entire +audience cheered while the Indians, flanked by the admiring committee, +stalked solemnly down the aisle and were given seats of honor directly +in front of the platform. + +All we could see of them were the brilliant feathers of their +war-bonnets, but we got the full effect of their reception in the music +and the cheers. I dared not look at Miss Anthony during this remarkable +scene, and she, craning her venerable neck to get a glimpse of the +incident from her obscure corner, made no comment to me; but I knew what +she was thinking. The following year these Indians would have votes. +Courtesy, therefore, must be shown them. But the women did not matter, +the politicians reasoned, for even if they were enfranchised they would +never support the element represented at that convention. It was not +surprising that, notwithstanding our hard work, we did not win the +state, though all the conditions had seemed most favorable; for the +state was new, the men and women were working side by side in the +fields, and there was discontent in the ranks of the political parties. + +After the election, when we analyzed the vote county by county, we +discovered that in every county whose residents were principally +Americans the amendment was carried, whereas in all counties populated +largely by foreigners it was lost. In certain counties--those inhabited +by Russian Jews--the vote was almost solidly against us, and this +notwithstanding the fact that the wives of these Russian voters were +doing a man's work on their farms in addition to the usual women's work +in their homes. The fact that our Cause could be defeated by ignorant +laborers newly come to our country was a humiliating one to accept; and +we realized more forcibly than ever before the difficulty of the task we +had assumed--a task far beyond any ever undertaken by a body of men in +the history of democratic government throughout the world. We not only +had to bring American men back to a belief in the fundamental +principles of republican government, but we had also to educate ignorant +immigrants, as well as our own Indians, whose degree of civilization +was indicated by their war-paint and the flaunting feathers of their +head-dresses. + +The Kansas campaign, which Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, Mrs. Johns, and +I conducted in 1894, held a special interest, due to the Populist +movement. There were so many problems before the people--prohibition, +free silver, and the Populist propaganda--that we found ourselves +involved in the bitterest campaign ever fought out in the state. Our +desire, of course, was to get the indorsement of the different political +parties and religious bodies, We succeeded in obtaining that of three +out of four of the Methodist Episcopal conferences--the Congregational, +the Epworth League, and the Christian Endeavor League--as well as that +of the State Teachers' Association, the Woman's Christian Temperance +Union, and various other religious and philanthropic societies. To +obtain the indorsement of the political parties was much more difficult, +and we were facing conditions in which partial success was worse than +complete failure. It had long been an unwritten law before it became a +written law in our National Association that we must not take partisan +action or line up with any one political party. It was highly important, +therefore, that either all parties should support us or that none +should. + +The Populist convention was held in Topeka before either the Democratic +or Republican convention, and after two days of vigorous fighting, led +by Mrs. Anna Diggs and other prominent Populist women, a suffrage plank +was added to the platform. The Populist party invited me, as a minister, +to open the convention with prayer. This was an innovation, and served +as a wedge for the admission of women representatives of the Suffrage +Association to address the convention. We all did so, Miss Anthony +speaking first, Mrs. Catt second, and I last; after which, for the first +time in history, the Doxology was sung at a political convention. + +At the Democratic convention we made the same appeal, and were refused. +Instead of indorsing us, the Democrats put an anti-suffrage plank in +their platform--but this, as the party had little standing in Kansas, +probably did us more good than harm. Trouble came thick and fast, +however, when the Republicans, the dominant party in the state, held +their convention; and a mighty struggle began over the admission of a +suffrage plank. There was a Woman's Republican Club in Kansas, which +held its convention in Topeka at the same time the Republicans were +holding theirs. There was also a Mrs. Judith Ellen Foster, who, by +stirring up opposition in this Republican Club against the insertion +of a suffrage plank, caused a serious split in the convention. Miss +Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and I, of course, urged the Republican women to +stand by their sex, and to give their support to the Republicans only on +condition that the latter added suffrage to their platform. At no time, +and in no field of work, have I ever seen a more bitter conflict in +progress than that which raged for two days during this Republican +women's convention. Liquor-dealers, joint-keepers, "boot-leggers," +and all the lawless element of Kansas swung into line at a special +convention held under the auspices of the Liquor League of Kansas City, +and cast their united weight against suffrage by threatening to deny +their votes to any candidate or political party favoring our Cause. +The Republican women's convention finally adjourned with nothing +accomplished except the passing of a resolution mildly requesting the +Republican party to indorse woman suffrage. The result was, of course, +that it was not indorsed by the Republican convention, and that it was +defeated at the following election. + +It was at the time of these campaigns that I was elected Vice-President +of the National Association and Lecturer at Large, and the latter +office brought in its train a glittering variety of experiences. On one +occasion an episode occurred which "Aunt Susan" never afterward wearied +of describing. There was a wreck somewhere on the road on which I was +to travel to meet a lecture engagement, and the trains going my way were +not running. Looking up the track, however, I saw a train coming from +the opposite direction. I at once grasped my hand-luggage and started +for it. + +"Wait! Wait!" cried Miss Anthony. "That train's going the wrong way!" + +"At least it's going SOMEWHERE!" I replied, tersely, as the train +stopped, and I climbed the steps. + +Looking back when the train had started again, I saw "Aunt Susan" +standing in the same spot on the platform and staring after it with +incredulous eyes; but I was right, for I discovered that by going +up into another state I could get a train which would take me to +my destination in time for the lecture that night. It was a fine +illustration of my pet theory that if one intends to get somewhere it is +better to start, even in the wrong direction, than to stand still. + +Again and again in our work we had occasion to marvel over men's lack of +understanding of the views of women, even of those nearest and dearest +to them; and we had an especially striking illustration of this at one +of our hearings in Washington. A certain distinguished gentleman (we +will call him Mr. H----) was chairman of the Judiciary, and after we had +said what we wished to say, he remarked: + +"Your arguments are logical. Your cause is just. The trouble is that +women don't want suffrage. My wife doesn't want it. I don't know a +single woman who does want it." + +As it happened for this unfortunate gentleman, his wife was present at +the hearing and sitting beside Miss Anthony. She listened to his words +with surprise, and then whispered to "Aunt Susan": + +"How CAN he say that? _I_ want suffrage, and I've told him so a hundred +times in the last twenty years." + +"Tell him again NOW," urged Miss Anthony. "Here's your chance to impress +it on his memory." + +"Here!" gasped the wife. "Oh, I wouldn't dare." + +"Then may I tell him?" + +"Why--yes! He can think what he pleases, but he has no right to publicly +misrepresent me." + +The assent, hesitatingly begun, finished on a sudden note of firmness. +Miss Anthony stood up. + +"It may interest Mr. H----," she said, "to know that his wife DOES wish +to vote, and that for twenty years she has wished to vote, and has often +told him so, though he has evidently forgotten it. She is here beside +me, and has just made this explanation." + +Mr. H---- stammered and hesitated, and finally decided to laugh. But +there was no mirth in the sound he made, and I am afraid his wife had +a bad quarter of an hour when they met a little later in the privacy of +their home. + +Among other duties that fell to my lot at this period were numerous +suffrage debates with prominent opponents of the Cause. I have already +referred to the debate in Kansas with Senator Ingalls. Equaling this +in importance was a bout with Dr. Buckley, the distinguished Methodist +debater, which had been arranged for us at Chautauqua by Bishop Vincent +of the Methodist Church. The bishop was not a believer in suffrage, nor +was he one of my admirers. I had once aroused his ire by replying to +a sermon he had delivered on "God's Women," and by proving, to my own +satisfaction at least, that the women he thought were God's women had +done very little, whereas the work of the world had been done by those +he believed were not "God's Women." There was considerable interest, +therefore, in the Buckley-Shaw debate he had arranged; we all knew he +expected Dr. Buckley to wipe out that old score, and I was determined to +make it as difficult as possible for the distinguished gentleman to do +so. We held the debate on two succeeding days, I speaking one afternoon +and Dr. Buckley replying the following day. On the evening before I +spoke, however, Dr. Buckley made an indiscreet remark, which, blown +about Chautauqua on the light breeze of gossip, was generally regarded +as both unchivalrous and unfair. + +As the hall in which we were to speak was enormous, he declared that one +of two things would certainly happen. Either I would scream in order to +be heard by my great audience, or I would be unable to make myself heard +at all. If I screamed it would be a powerful argument against women as +public speakers; if I could not be heard, it would be an even better +argument. In either case, he summed up, I was doomed to failure. +Following out this theory, he posted men in the extreme rear of the +great hall on the day of my lecture, to report to him whether my words +reached them, while he himself graciously occupied a front seat. Bishop +Vincent's antagonistic feeling was so strong, however, that though, as +the presiding officer of the occasion, he introduced me to the audience, +he did not wait to hear my speech, but immediately left the hall--and +this little slight added to the public's interest in the debate. It +was felt that the two gentlemen were not quite "playing fair," and the +champions of the Cause were especially enthusiastic in their efforts to +make up for these failures in courtesy. My friends turned out in force +to hear the lecture, and on the breast of every one of them flamed the +yellow bow that stood for suffrage, giving to the vast hall something of +the effect of a field of yellow tulips in full bloom. + +When Dr. Buckley rose to reply the next day these friends were again +awaiting him with an equally jocund display of the suffrage color, and +this did not add to his serenity. During his remarks he made the serious +mistake of losing his temper; and, unfortunately for him, he directed +his wrath toward a very old man who had thoughtlessly applauded by +pounding on the floor with his cane when Dr. Buckley quoted a point I +had made. The doctor leaned forward and shook his fist at him. + +"Think she's right, do you?" he asked. + +"Yes," admitted the venerable citizen, briskly, though a little startled +by the manner of the question. + +"Old man," shouted Dr. Buckley, "I'll make you take that back if you've +got a grain of sense in your head!" + +The insult cost him his audience. When he realized this he lost all his +self-possession, and, as the Buffalo Courier put it the next day, "went +up and down the platform raving like a Billingsgate fishwife." He lost +the debate, and the supply of yellow ribbon left in the surrounding +counties was purchased that night to be used in the suffrage celebration +that followed. My friends still refer to the occasion as "the day we +wiped up the earth with Dr. Buckley"; but I do not deserve the implied +tribute, for Dr. Buckley would have lost his case without a word from +me. What really gave me some satisfaction, however, was the respective +degree of freshness with which he and I emerged from our combat. After +my speech Miss Anthony and I were given a reception, and stood for hours +shaking hands with hundreds of men and women. Later in the evening we +had a dinner and another reception, which, lasting, as they did, until +midnight, kept us from our repose. Dr. Buckley, poor gentleman, had to +be taken to his hotel immediately after his speech, given a hot bath, +rubbed down, and put tenderly to bed; and not even the sympathetic heart +of Susan B. Anthony yearned over him when she heard of his exhaustion. + +It was also at Chautauqua, by the way, though a number of years earlier, +that I had my much misquoted encounter with the minister who deplored +the fashion I followed in those days of wearing my hair short. This +young man, who was rather a pompous person, saw fit to take me to task +at a table where a number of us were dining together. + +"Miss Shaw," he said, abruptly, "I have been asked very often why +you wear your hair short, and I have not been able to explain. Of +course"--this kindly--"I know there is some good reason. I ventured to +advance the theory that you have been ill and that your hair has fallen +out. Is that it?" + +"No," I told him. "There is a reason, as you suggest. But it is not that +one." + +"Then why--" he insisted. + +"I am rather sensitive about it," I explained. "I don't know that I care +to discuss the subject." + +The young minister looked pained. "But among friends--" he protested. + +"True," I conceded. "Well, then, among friends, I will admit frankly +that it is a birthmark. I was born with short hair." + +That was the last time my short hair was criticized in my presence, but +the young minister was right in his disapproval and I was wrong, as I +subsequently realized. A few years later I let my hair grow long, for +I had learned that no woman in public life can afford to make herself +conspicuous by any eccentricity of dress or appearance. If she does so +she suffers for it herself, which may not disturb her, and to a greater +or less degree she injures the cause she represents, which should +disturb her very much. + + + + +XII. BUILDING A HOME + +It is not generally known that the meeting of the International Council +of Women held in Chicago during the World's Fair was suggested by Miss +Anthony, as was also the appointment of the Exposition's "Board of Lady +Managers." "Aunt Susan" kept her name in the background, that she might +not array against these projects the opposition of those prejudiced +against woman suffrage. We both spoke at the meetings, however, as +I have already explained, and one of our most chastening experiences +occurred on "Actress Night." There was a great demand for tickets for +this occasion, as every one seemed anxious to know what kind of speeches +our leading women of the stage would make; and the programme offered +such magic names as Helena Modjeska, Julia Marlowe, Georgia Cayvan, +Clara Morris, and others of equal appeal. The hall was soon filled, and +to keep out the increasing throng the doors were locked and the waiting +crowd was directed to a second hall for an overflow meeting. + +As it happened, Miss Anthony and I were among the earliest arrivals at +the main hall. It was the first evening we had been free to do exactly +as we pleased, and we were both in high spirits, looking forward to the +speeches, congratulating each other on the good seats we had been given +on the platform, and rallying the speakers on their stage fright; for, +much to our amusement, we had found them all in mortal terror of their +audience. Georgia Cayvan, for example, was so nervous that she had to +be strengthened with hot milk before she could speak, and Julia Marlowe +admitted freely that her knees were giving way beneath her. They really +had something of an ordeal before them, for it was decided that each +actress must speak twice going immediately from the hall to the overflow +meeting and repeating there the speech she had just made. But in the +mean time some one had to hold the impatient audience in the second +hall, and as it was a duty every one else promptly repudiated, a row of +suddenly imploring faces turned toward Miss Anthony and me. I admit that +we responded to the appeal with great reluctance. We were SO comfortable +where we were--and we were also deeply interested in the first intimate +glimpse we were having of these stars in the dramatic sky. We saw our +duty, however, and with deep sighs we rose and departed for the second +hall, where a glance at the waiting throng did not add to our pleasure +in the prospect before us. + +When I walked upon the stage I found myself facing an actually hostile +audience. They had come to look at and listen to the actresses who had +been promised them, and they thought they were being deprived of that +privilege by an interloper. Never before had I gazed out on a mass of +such unresponsive faces or looked into so many angry eyes. They were +exchanging views on their wrongs, and the general buzz of conversation +continued when I appeared. For some moments I stood looking at them, +my hands behind my back. If I had tried to speak they would undoubtedly +have gone on talking; my silence attracted their attention and they +began to wonder what I intended to do. When they had stopped whispering +and moving about, I spoke to them with the frankness of an overburdened +heart. + +"I think," I said, slowly and distinctly, "that you are the most +disagreeable audience I ever faced in my life." + +They gasped and stared, almost open-mouthed in their surprise. + +"Never," I went on, "have I seen a gathering of people turn such ugly +looks upon a speaker who has sacrificed her own enjoyment to come and +talk to them. Do you think I want to talk to you?" I demanded, warming +to my subject. "I certainly do not. Neither does Miss Anthony want to +talk to you, and the lady who spoke to you a few moments ago, and whom +you treated so rudely, did not wish to be here. We would all much prefer +to be in the other hall, listening to the speakers from our comfortable +seats on the stage. To entertain you we gave up our places and came here +simply because the committee begged us to do so. I have only one thing +more to say. If you care to listen to me courteously I am willing to +waste time on you; but don't imagine that I will stand here and wait +while you criticize the management." + +By this time I felt as if I had a child across my knee to whom I was +administering maternal chastisement, and the uneasiness of my audience +underlined the impression. They listened rather sulkily at first; then +a few of the best-natured among them laughed, and the laugh grew and +developed into applause. The experience had done them good, and they +were a chastened band when Clara Morris appeared, and I gladly yielded +the floor to her. + +All the actresses who spoke that night delivered admirable addresses, +but no one equaled Madame Modjeska, who delivered exquisitely a speech +written, not by herself, but by a friend and countrywoman, on the +condition of Polish women under the regime of Russia. We were all +charmed as we listened, but none of us dreamed what that address would +mean to Modjeska. It resulted in her banishment from Poland, her native +land, which she was never again permitted to enter. But though she paid +so heavy a price for the revelation, I do not think she ever really +regretted having given to America the facts in that speech. + +During this same period I embarked upon a high adventure. I had always +longed for a home, and my heart had always been loyal to Cape Cod. Now I +decided to have a home at Wianno, across the Cape from my old parish at +East Dennis. Deep-seated as my home-making aspiration had been, it was +realized largely as the result of chance. A special hobby of mine has +always been auction sales. I dearly love to drop into auction-rooms +while sales are in progress, and bid up to the danger-point, taking care +to stop just in time to let some one else get the offered article. But +of course I sometimes failed to stop at the psychological moment, and +the result was a sudden realization that, in the course of the years, I +had accumulated an extraordinary number of articles for which I had no +shelter and no possible use. + +The crown jewel of the collection was a bedroom set I had picked up in +Philadelphia. Usually, cautious friends accompanied me on my auction-room +expeditions and restrained my ardor; but this time I got away alone and +found myself bidding at the sale of a solid bog-wood bedroom set which +had been exhibited as a show-piece at the World's Fair, and was now, +in the words of the auctioneer, "going for a song." I sang the song. I +offered twenty dollars, thirty dollars, forty dollars, and other excited +voices drowned mine with higher bids. It was very thrilling. I offered +fifty dollars, and there was a horrible silence, broken at last by the +auctioneer's final, "Going, going, GONE!" I was mistress of the +bog-wood bedroom set--a set wholly out of harmony with everything else +I possessed, and so huge and massive that two men were required to +lift the head-board alone. Like many of the previous treasures I had +acquired, this was a white elephant; but, unlike some of them, it was +worth more than I had paid for it. I was offered sixty dollars for one +piece alone, but I coldly refused to sell it, though the tribute to my +judgment warmed my heart. I had not the faintest idea what to do with +the set, however, and at last I confided my dilemma to my friend, Mrs. +Ellen Dietrick, who sagely advised me to build a house for it. The idea +intrigued me. The bog-wood furniture needed a home, and so did I. + +The result of our talk was that Mrs. Dietrick promised to select a +lot for me at Wianno, where she herself lived, and even promised to +supervise the building of my cottage, and to attend to all the other +details connected with it. Thus put, the temptation was irresistible. +Besides Mrs. Dietrick, many other delightful friends lived at +Wianno--the Garrisons, the Chases of Rhode Island, the Wymans, the +Wellingtons--a most charming community. I gave Mrs. Dietrick full +authority to use her judgment in every detail connected with the +undertaking, and the cottage was built. Having put her hand to this +plow of friendship, Mrs. Dietrick did the work with characteristic +thoroughness. I did not even visit Wianno to look at my land. She +selected it, bought it, engaged a woman architect--Lois Howe of +Boston--and followed the latter's work from beginning to end. The only +stipulation I made was that the cottage must be far up on the beach, out +of sight of everybody--really in the woods; and this was easily met, for +along that coast the trees came almost to the water's edge. + +The cottage was a great success, and for many years I spent my vacations +there, filling the place with young people. From the time of my sister +Mary's death I had had the general oversight of her two daughters, +Lola and Grace, as well as of Nicolas and Eleanor, the two motherless +daughters of my brother John. They were all with me every summer in +the new home, together with Lucy Anthony, her sister and brother, Mrs. +Rachel Foster Avery, and other friends. We had special fishing costumes +made, and wore them much of the time. My nieces wore knickerbockers, and +I found vast contentment in short, heavy skirts over bloomers. We lived +out of doors, boating, fishing, and clamming all day long, and, as in my +early pioneer days in Michigan, my part of the work was in the open. +I chopped all the wood, kept the fires going, and looked after the +grounds. + +Rumors of our care-free and unconventional life began to circulate, and +presently our Eden was invaded by the only serpent I have ever found in +the newspaper world--a girl reporter from Boston. She telegraphed that +she was coming to see us; and though, when she came, we had been warned +of her propensities and received her in conventional attire, formally +entertaining her with tea on the veranda, she went away and gave free +play to a hectic fancy. She wrote a sensational full-page article for +a Sunday newspaper, illustrated with pictures showing us all in +knickerbockers. In this striking work of art I carried a fish net and +pole and wore a handkerchief tied over my head. The article, which was +headed THE ADAMLESS EDEN, was almost libelous, and I admit that for +a long time it dimmed our enjoyment of our beloved retreat. Then, +gradually, my old friends died, Mrs. Dietrick among the first; others +moved away; and the character of the entire region changed. It became +fashionable, privacy was no longer to be found there, and we ceased to +visit it. For five years I have not even seen the cottage. + +In 1908 I built the house I now occupy (in Moylan, Pennsylvania), which +is the realization of a desire I have always had--to build on a tract +which had a stream, a grove of trees, great boulders and rocks, and a +hill site for the house with a broad outlook, and a railroad station +conveniently near. The friend who finally found the place for me had +begun his quest with the pessimistic remark that I would better wait for +it until I got to Paradise; but two years later he telegraphed me that +he had discovered it on this planet, and he was right. I have only eight +acres of land, but no one could ask a more ideal site for a cottage; and +on the place is my beloved forest, including a grove of three hundred +firs. From every country I have visited I have brought back a tiny tree +for this little forest, and now it is as full of memories as of beauty. + +To the surprise of my neighbors, I built my house with its back toward +the public road, facing the valley and the stream. "But you will never +see anybody go by," they protested. I answered that the one person in +the house who was necessarily interested in passers-by was my maid, and +she could see them perfectly from the kitchen, which faced the road. +I enjoy my views from the broad veranda that overlooks the valley, the +stream, and the country for miles around. + +Every suffragist I have ever met has been a lover of home; and only the +conviction that she is fighting for her home, her children, for other +women, or for all of these, has sustained her in her public work. +Looking back on many campaign experiences, I am forced to admit that it +is not always the privations we endure which make us think most tenderly +of home. Often we are more overcome by the attentions of well-meaning +friends. As an example of this I recall an incident of one Oregon +campaign. I was to speak in a small city in the southern part of the +state, and on reaching the station, hot, tired, and covered with the +grime of a midsummer journey, I found awaiting me a delegation of +citizens, a brass-band, and a white carriage drawn by a pair of +beautiful white horses. In this carriage, and devotedly escorted by the +citizens and the band, the latter playing its hardest, I was driven +to the City Hall and there met by the mayor, who delivered an address, +after which I was crowned with a laurel wreath. Subsequently, with this +wreath still resting upon my perspiring brow, I was again driven through +the streets of the city; and if ever a woman felt that her place was in +the home and longed to be in her place, I felt it that day. + +An almost equally trying occasion had San Francisco for its setting. The +city had arranged a Fourth of July celebration, at which Miss Anthony +and I were to speak. Here we rode in a carriage decorated with +flowers--yellow roses--while just in front of us was the mayor in a +carriage gorgeously festooned with purple blossoms. Behind us, for more +than a mile, stretched a procession of uniformed policemen, soldiers, +and citizens, while the sidewalks were lined with men and women whose +enthusiastic greetings came to Miss Anthony from every side. She was +enchanted over the whole experience, for to her it meant, as always, not +a personal tribute, but a triumph of the Cause. But I sat by her side +acutely miserable; for across my shoulders and breast had been draped a +huge sash with the word "Orator" emblazoned on it, and this was further +embellished by a striking rosette with streamers which hung nearly +to the bottom of my gown. It is almost unnecessary to add that this +remarkable decoration was furnished by a committee of men, and was also +worn by all the men speakers of the day. Possibly I was overheated by +the sash, or by the emotions the sash aroused in me, for I was stricken +with pneumonia the following day and experienced my first serious +illness, from which, however, I soon recovered. + +On our way to California in 1895 Miss Anthony and I spent a day at +Cheyenne, Wyoming, as the guests of Senator and Mrs. Carey, who gave a +dinner for us. At the table I asked Senator Carey what he considered the +best result of the enfranchisement of Wyoming women, and even after the +lapse of twenty years I am able to give his reply almost word for word, +for it impressed me deeply at the time and I have since quoted it again +and again. + +"There have been many good results," he said, "but the one I consider +above all the others is the great change for the better in the character +of our candidates for office. Consider this for a moment: Since our +women have voted there has never been an embezzlement of public funds, +or a scandalous misuse of public funds, or a disgraceful condition of +graft. I attribute the better character of our public officials almost +entirely to the votes of the women." + +"Those are inspiring facts," I conceded, "but let us be just. There are +three men in Wyoming to every woman, and no candidate for office could +be elected unless the men voted for him, too. Why, then, don't they +deserve as much credit for his election as the women?" + +"Because," explained Senator Carey, promptly, "women are politically an +uncertain factor. We can go among men and learn beforehand how they are +going to vote, but we can't do that with women; they keep us guessing. +In the old days, when we went into the caucus we knew what resolutions +put into our platforms would win the votes of the ranchmen, what would +win the miners, what would win the men of different nationalities; but +we did not know how to win the votes of the women until we began to +nominate our candidates. Then we immediately discovered that if the +Democrats nominated a man of immoral character for office, the women +voted for his Republican opponent, and we learned our first big +lesson--that whatever a candidate's other qualifications for office may +be, he must first of all have a clean record. In the old days, when we +nominated a candidate we asked, 'Can he hold the saloon vote?' Now we +ask, 'Can he hold the women's vote?' Instead of bidding down to the +saloon, we bid up to the home." + +Following the dinner there was a large public meeting, at which Miss +Anthony and I were to speak. Mrs. Jenkins, who was president of the +Suffrage Association of the state, presided and introduced us to the +assemblage. Then she added: "I have introduced you ladies to your +audience. Now I would like to introduce your audience to you." She began +with the two Senators and the member of Congress, then introduced the +Governor, the Lieutenant-Governor, the state Superintendent of Education, +and numerous city and state officials. As she went on Miss Anthony grew +more and more excited, and when the introductions were over, she said: +"This is the first time I have ever seen an audience assembled for woman +suffrage made up of the public officials of a state. No one can ever +persuade me now that men respect women without political power as much +as they respect women who have it; for certainly in no other state in +the Union would it be possible to gather so many public officials under +one roof to listen to the addresses of women." + +The following spring we again went West, with Mrs. Catt, Lucy Anthony, +Miss Hay and Miss Sweet, her secretary, to carry on the Pacific coast +campaign of '96, arranged by Mrs. Cooper and her daughter Harriet, of +Oakland--both women of remarkable executive ability. Headquarters were +secured in San Francisco, and Miss Hay was put in charge, associated +with a large group of California women. It was the second time in the +history of campaigns--the first being in New York--that all the money to +carry on the work was raised by the people of the state. + +The last days of the campaign were extremely interesting, and one of +their important events was that the Hon. Thomas Reed, then Speaker of +the House of Representatives, for the first time came out publicly for +suffrage. Mr. Reed had often expressed himself privately as in favor of +the Cause--but he had never made a public statement for us. At Oakland, +one day, the indefatigable and irresistible "Aunt Susan" caught him off +his guard by persuading his daughter, Kitty Reed, who was his idol, to +ask him to say just one word in favor of our amendment. When he arose we +did not know whether he had promised what she asked, and as his speech +progressed our hearts sank lower and lower, for all he said was remote +from our Cause. But he ended with these words: + +"There is an amendment of the constitution pending, granting suffrage +to women. The women of California ought to have suffrage. The men of +California ought to give it to them--and the next speaker, Dr. Shaw, +will tell you why." + +The word was spoken. And though it was not a very strong word, it came +from a strong man, and therefore helped us. + +Election day, as usual, brought its surprises and revelations. Mrs. +Cooper asked her Chinese cook how the Chinese were voting--i. e., +the native-born Chinamen who were entitled to vote--and he replied, +blithely, "All Chinamen vote for Billy McKee and 'NO' to women!" It is +an interesting fact that every Chinese vote was cast against us. + +All day we went from one to another of the polling-places, and I shall +always remember the picture of Miss Anthony and the wife of Senator +Sargent wandering around the polls arm in arm at eleven o'clock at +night, their tired faces taking on lines of deeper depression with every +minute; for the count was against us. However, we made a fairly good +showing. When the final counts came in we found that we had won the +state from the north down to Oakland, and from the south up to San +Francisco; but there was not a sufficient majority to overcome the +adverse votes of San Francisco and Oakland. With more than 230,000 votes +cast, we were defeated by only 10,000 majority. In San Francisco the +saloon element and the most aristocratic section of the city made an +equal showing against us, while the section occupied by the middle +working-class was largely in favor of our amendment. I dwell especially +on this campaign, partly because such splendid work was done by the +women of California, and also because, during the same election, Utah +and Idaho granted full suffrage to women. This gave us four suffrage +states--Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, and Idaho--and we prepared for future +struggles with very hopeful hearts. + +It was during this California campaign, by the way, that I unwittingly +caused much embarrassment to a worthy young man. At a mass-meeting held +in San Francisco, Rabbi Vorsanger, who was not in favor of suffrage for +women, advanced the heartening theory that in a thousand years more they +might possibly be ready for it. After a thousand years of education for +women, of physically developed women, of uncorseted women, he said, we +might have the ideal woman, and could then begin to talk about freedom +for her. + +When the rabbi sat down there was a shout from the audience for me to +answer him, but all I said was that the ideal woman would be rather +lonely, as it would certainly take another thousand years to develop an +ideal man capable of being a mate for her. On the following night Prof. +Howard Griggs, of Stanford University, made a speech on the modern +woman--a speech so admirably thought out and delivered that we were all +delighted with it. When he had finished the audience again called on +me, and I rose and proceeded to make what my friends frankly called "the +worst break" of my experience. Rabbi Vorsanger's ideal woman was still +in my mind, and I had been rather hard on the men in my reply to the +rabbi the night before; so now I hastened to give this clever young +man his full due. I said that though the rabbi thought it would take a +thousand years to make an ideal woman, I believed that, after all, it +might not take as long to make the ideal man. We had something very near +it in a speaker who could reveal such ability, such chivalry, and such +breadth of view as Professor Griggs had just shown that he possessed. + +That night I slept the sleep of the just and the well-meaning, and it +was fortunate I did, for the morning newspapers had a surprise for me +that called for steady nerves and a sense of humor. Across the front +page of every one of them ran startling head-lines to this effect: + + DR. SHAW HAS FOUND HER IDEAL MAN + The Prospects Are That She Will + Remain in California + +Professor Griggs was young enough to be my son, and he was already +married and the father of two beautiful children; but these facts were +not permitted to interfere with the free play of fancy in journalistic +minds. For a week the newspapers were filled with all sorts of articles, +caricatures, and editorials on my ideal man, which caused me much +annoyance and some amusement, while they plunged Professor Griggs +into an abysmal gloom. In the end, however, the experience proved an +excellent one for him, for the publicity attending his speech made him +decide to take up lecturing as a profession, which he eventually did +with great success. But neither of us has yet heard the last of the +Ideal Man episode. Only a few years ago, on his return to California +after a long absence, one of the leading Sunday newspapers of the state +heralded Professor Griggs's arrival by publishing a full-page article +bearing his photograph and mine and this flamboyant heading: + + SHE MADE HIM + And Dr. Shaw's Ideal Man Became the + Idol of American Women and + Earns $30,000 a Year + +We had other unusual experiences in California, and the display of +affluence on every side was not the least impressive of them. In one +town, after a heavy rain, I remember seeing a number of little boys +scraping the dirt from the gutters, washing it, and finding tiny nuggets +of gold. We learned that these boys sometimes made two or three dollars +a day in this way, and that the streets of the town--I think it was +Marysville--contained so much gold that a syndicate offered to level the +whole town and repave the streets in return for the right to wash out +the gold. This sounds like the kind of thing Americans tell to trustful +visitors from foreign lands, but it is quite true. Nuggets, indeed, +were so numerous that at one of our meetings, when we were taking up a +collection, I cheerfully suggested that our audience drop a few into the +box, as we had not had a nugget since we reached the state. There were +no nuggets in the subsequent collection, but there was a note which +read: "If Dr. Shaw will accept a gold nugget, I will see that she does +not leave town without one." I read this aloud, and added, "I have never +refused a gold nugget in my life." + +The following day brought me a pin made of a very beautiful gold nugget, +and a few days later another Californian produced a cluster of smaller +nuggets which he had washed out of a panful of earth and insisted on my +accepting half of them. I was not accustomed to this sort of generosity, +but it was characteristic of the spirit of the state. Nowhere else, +during our campaign experiences, were we so royally treated in every +way. As a single example among many, I may mention that Mrs. Leland +Stanford once happened to be on a train with us and to meet Miss +Anthony. As a result of this chance encounter she gave our whole party +passes on all the lines of the Southern Pacific Railroad, for use during +the entire campaign. Similar generosity was shown us on every side, and +the question of finance did not burden us from the beginning to the end +of the California work. + +In our Utah and Idaho campaigns we had also our full share of new +experiences, and of these perhaps the most memorable to me was the +sermon I preached in the Mormon Tabernacle at Salt Lake City. Before I +left New York the Mormon women had sent me the invitation to preach this +sermon, and when I reached Salt Lake City and the so-called "Gentile" +women heard of the plan, they at once invited me to preach to the +"Gentiles" on the evening of the same Sunday, in the Salt Lake City +Opera House. + +On the morning of the sermon I approached the Mormon Tabernacle with +much more trepidation than I usually experienced before entering a +pulpit. I was not sure what particular kind of trouble I would get into, +but I had an abysmal suspicion that trouble of some sort lay in wait for +me, and I shivered in the anticipation of it. Fortunately, my anxiety +was not long drawn out. I arrived only a few moments before the hour +fixed for the sermon, and found the congregation already assembled and +the Tabernacle filled with the beautiful music of the great organ. On +the platform, to which I was escorted by several leading dignitaries +of the church, was the characteristic Mormon arrangement of seats. The +first row was occupied by the deacons, and in the center of these was +the pulpit from which the deacons preach. Above these seats was a second +row, occupied by ordained elders, and there they too had their own +pulpit. The third row was occupied by, the bishops and the highest +dignitaries of the church, with the pulpit from which the bishops +preach; and behind them all, an effective human frieze, was the really +wonderful Mormon choir. + +As I am an ordained elder in my church, I occupied the pulpit in the +middle row of seats, with the deacons below me and the bishops just +behind. Scattered among the congregation were hundreds of "Gentiles" +ready to leap mentally upon any concession I might make to the Mormon +faith; while the Mormons were equally on the alert for any implied +criticism of them and their church. The problem of preaching a sermon +which should offer some appeal to both classes, without offending +either, was a perplexing one, and I solved it to the best of my ability +by delivering a sermon I had once given in my own church to my own +people. When I had finished I was wholly uncertain of its effect, but +at the end of the services one of the bishops leaned toward me from his +place in the rear, and, to my mingled horror and amusement, offered me +this tribute, "That is one of the best Mormon sermons ever preached in +this Tabernacle." + +I thanked him, but inwardly I was aghast. What had I said to give him +such an impression? I racked my brain, but could recall nothing that +justified it. I passed the day in a state of nervous apprehension, +fully expecting some frank criticism from the "Gentiles" on the score of +having delivered a Mormon sermon to ingratiate myself into the favor of +the Mormons and secure their votes for the constitutional amendment. +But nothing of the kind was said. That evening, after the sermon to the +"Gentiles," a reception was given to our party, and I drew my first deep +breath when the wife of a well-known clergyman came to me and introduced +herself in these words: + +"My husband could not come here to-night, but he heard your sermon this +morning. He asked me to tell you how glad he was that under such unusual +conditions you held so firmly to the teachings of Christ." + +The next day I was still more reassured. A reception was given us at +the home of one of Brigham Young's daughters, and the receiving-line was +graced by the presiding elder of the Methodist Episcopal Church. He was +a bluff and jovial gentleman, and when he took my hand he said, warmly, +"Well, Sister Shaw, you certainly gave our Mormon friends the biggest +dose of Methodism yesterday that they ever got in their lives." + +After this experience I reminded myself again that what Frances Willard +so frequently said is true; All truth is our truth when it has reached +our hearts; we merely rechristen it according to our individual creeds. + +During the visit I had an interesting conversation with a number of the +younger Mormon women. I was to leave the city on a midnight train, and +about twenty of them, including four daughters of Brigham Young, came to +my hotel to remain with me until it was time to go to the station. They +filled the room, sitting around in school-girl fashion on the floor and +even on the bed. It was an unusual opportunity to learn some things I +wished to know, and I could not resist it. + +"There are some questions I would like to ask you," I began, "and one +or two of them may seem impertinent. But they won't be asked in that +spirit--and please don't answer any that embarrass you." + +They exchanged glances, and then told me to ask as many questions as I +wished. + +"First of all," I said, "I would like to know the real attitude toward +polygamy of the present generation of Mormon women. Do you all believe +in it?" + +They assured me that they did. + +"How many of you," I then asked, "are polygamous wives?" + +There was not one in the group. "But," I insisted, "if you really +believe in polygamy, why is it that some of your husbands have not taken +more than one wife?" + +There was a moment of silence, while each woman looked around as if +waiting for another to answer. At last one of them said, slowly: + +"In my case, I alone was to blame. For years I could not force myself to +consent to my husband's taking another wife, though I tried hard. By +the time I had overcome my objection the law was passed prohibiting +polygamy." + +A second member of the group hastened to tell her story. She had had a +similar spiritual struggle, and just as she reached the point where she +was willing to have her husband take another wife, he died. And now the +room was filled with eager voices. Four or five women were telling at +once that they, too, had been reluctant in the beginning, and that when +they had reached the point of consent this, that, or another cause had +kept the husbands from marrying again. They were all so passionately in +earnest that they stared at me in puzzled wonder when I broke into the +sudden laughter I could not restrain. + +"What fortunate women you all were!" I exclaimed, teasingly. "Not one of +you arrived at the point of consenting to the presence of a second wife +in your home until it was impossible for your husband to take her." + +They flushed a little at that, and then laughed with me; but they +did not defend themselves against the tacit charge, and I turned the +conversation into less personal channels. I learned that many of the +Mormon young men were marrying girls outside of the Church, and that two +sons of a leading Mormon elder had married and were living very happily +with Catholic girls. + +At this time the Mormon candidate for Congress (a man named Roberts) +was a bitter opponent of woman suffrage. The Mormon women begged me to +challenge him to a debate on the subject, which I did, but Mr. Roberts +declined the challenge. The ground of his refusal, which he made public +through the newspapers, was chastening to my spirit. He explained that +he would not debate with me because he was not willing to lower himself +to the intellectual plane of a woman. + + + + +XIII. PRESIDENT OF "THE NATIONAL" + +In 1900 Miss Anthony, then over eighty, decided that she must resign +the presidency of our National Association, and the question of the +successor she would choose became an important one. It was conceded that +there were only two candidates in her mind--Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt and +myself--and for several months we gave the suffrage world the unusual +spectacle of rivals vigorously pushing each other's claims. Miss Anthony +was devoted to us both, and I think the choice was a hard one for her to +make. On the one hand, I had been vice-president at large and her almost +constant companion for twelve years, and she had grown accustomed to +think of me as her successor. On the other hand, Mrs. Catt had been +chairman of the organization committee, and through her splendid +executive ability had built up our organization in many states. From +Miss Anthony down, we all recognized her steadily growing powers; she +had, moreover, abundant means, which I had not. + +In my mind there was no question of her superior qualification for the +presidency. She seemed to me the logical and indeed the only possible +successor to Miss Anthony; and I told "Aunt Susan" so with all the +eloquence I could command, while simultaneously Mrs. Catt was pouring +into Miss Anthony's other ear a series of impassioned tributes to me. +It was an unusual situation and a very pleasant one, and it had two +excellent results: it simplified "Aunt Susan's" problem by eliminating +the element of personal ambition, and it led to her eventual choice of +Mrs. Catt as her successor. + +I will admit here for the first time that in urging Mrs. Catt's fitness +for the office I made the greatest sacrifice of my life. My highest +ambition had been to succeed Miss Anthony, for no one who knew her as I +did could underestimate the honor of being chosen by her to carry on her +work. + +At the convention in Washington that year she formally refused the +nomination for re-election, as we had all expected, and then, on being +urged to choose her own successor, she stepped forward to do so. It was +a difficult hour, for her fiery soul resented the limitations imposed by +her worn-out body, and to such a worker the most poignant experience in +life is to be forced to lay down one's work at the command of old age. +On this she touched briefly, but in a trembling voice; and then, in +furtherance of the understanding between the three of us, she presented +the name of Mrs. Catt to the convention with all the pride and hope a +mother could feel in the presentation of a daughter. + +Her faith was fully justified. Mrs. Catt made an admirable president, +and during every moment of the four years she held the office she had +Miss Anthony's whole-hearted and enthusiastic support, while I, too, +in my continued office of vice-president, did my utmost to help her +in every way. In 1904, however, Mrs. Catt was elected president of the +International Suffrage Alliance, as I have mentioned before, and that +same year she resigned the presidency of our National Association, as +her health was not equal to the strain of carrying the two offices. + +Miss Anthony immediately urged me to accept the presidency of the +National Association, which I was now most unwilling to do; I had lost +my ambition to be president, and there were other reasons, into which I +need not go again, why I felt that I could not accept the post. At last, +however, Miss Anthony actually commanded me to take the place, and there +was nothing to do but obey her. She was then eighty-four, and, as it +proved, within two years of her death. It was no time for me to rebel +against her wishes; but I yielded with the heaviest heart I have +ever carried, and after my election to the presidency at the national +convention in Washington I left the stage, went into a dark corner of +the wings, and for the first time since my girlhood "cried myself sick." + +In the work I now took up I found myself much alone. Mrs. Catt was +really ill, and the strength of "Aunt Susan" must be saved in every way. +Neither could give me much help, though each did all she should have +done, and more. Mrs. Catt, whose husband had recently died, was in a +deeply despondent frame of mind, and seemed to feel that the future was +hopelessly dark. My own panacea for grief is work, and it seemed to +me that both physically and mentally she would be helped by a wise +combination of travel and effort. During my lifetime I have cherished +two ambitions, and only two: the first, as I have already confessed, had +been to succeed Miss Anthony as president of our association; the second +was to go around the world, carrying the woman-suffrage ideal to every +country, and starting in each a suffrage society. Long before the +inception of the International Suffrage Alliance I had dreamed this +dream; and, though it had receded as I followed it through life, I had +never wholly lost sight of it. Now I realized that for me it could never +be more than a dream. I could never hope to have enough money at my +disposal to carry it out, and it occurred to me that if Mrs. Catt +undertook it as president of the International Suffrage Alliance the +results would be of the greatest benefit to the Cause and to her. + +In my first visit to her after her husband's death I suggested this +plan, but she replied that it was impossible for her to consider it. +I did not lose thought of it, however, and at the next International +Conference, held in Copenhagen in 1907, I suggested to some of the +delegates that we introduce the matter as a resolution, asking Mrs. Catt +to go around the world in behalf of woman suffrage. They approved the +suggestion so heartily that I followed it up with a speech setting forth +the whole plan and Mrs. Catt's peculiar fitness for the work. Several +months later Mrs. Catt and Dr. Aletta Jacobs, president of the Holland +Suffrage Association, started on their world tour; and not until after +they had gone did I fully realize that the two great personal ambitions +of my life had been realized, not by me, but by another, and in each +case with my enthusiastic co-operation. + +In 1904, following my election to the presidency, a strong appeal came +from the Board of Managers of the exposition to be held in Portland, +Oregon, urging us to hold our next annual convention there during +the exposition. It was the first time an important body of men had +recognized us in this manner, and we gladly responded. So strong a +political factor did the men of Oregon recognize us to be that every +political party in the state asked to be represented on our platform; +and one entire evening of the convention was given over to the +representatives chosen by the various parties to indorse the suffrage +movement. Thus we began in Oregon the good work we continued in 1906, +and of which we reaped the harvest in 1912. + +Next to "Suffrage Night," the most interesting feature of the exposition +to us was the unveiling of the statue of Saccawagea, the young Indian +girl who led the Lewis and Clark expedition through the dangerous passes +of the mountain ranges of the Northwest until they reached the Pacific +coast. This statue, presented to the exposition by the women of Oregon, +is the belated tribute of the state to its most dauntless pioneer; +and no one can look upon the noble face of the young squaw, whose +outstretched hand points to the ocean, without marveling over the +ingratitude of the nation that ignored her supreme service. To +Saccawagea is due the opening up of the entire western country. There +was no one to guide Lewis and Clark except this Indian, who alone knew +the way; and she led the whole party, carrying her papoose on her +back. She was only sixteen, but she brought every man safely through an +experience of almost unparalleled hardship and danger, nursing them +in sickness and setting them an example of unfaltering courage and +endurance, until she stood at last on the Pacific coast, where her +statue stands now, pointing to the wide sweep of the Columbia River as +it flows into the sea. + +This recognition by women is the only recognition she ever received. +Both Lewis and Clark were sincerely grateful to her and warmly +recommended her to the government for reward; but the government allowed +her absolutely nothing, though each man in the party she had led was +given a large tract of land. Tradition says that she was bitterly +disappointed, as well she might have been, and her Indian brain must +have been sadly puzzled. But she was treated little worse than thousands +of the white pioneer women who have followed her; and standing: there +to-day on the bank of her river, she still seems sorrowfully reflective +over the strange ways of the nation she so nobly served. + +The Oregon campaign of 1906 was the carrying out of one of Miss +Anthony's dearest wishes, and we who loved her set about this work soon +after her death. In the autumn preceding her passing, headquarters had +been established in Oregon, and Miss Laura Gregg had been placed in +charge, with Miss Gale Laughlin as her associate. As the money for this +effort was raised by the National Association, it was decided, after +some discussion, to let the National Association develop the work in +Oregon, which was admittedly a hard state to carry and full of possible +difficulties which soon became actual ones. + +As a beginning, the Legislature had failed to submit an amendment; but +as the initiative and referendum was the law in Oregon, the amendment +was submitted through initiative patent. The task of securing the +necessary signatures was not an easy one, but at last a sufficient +number of signatures were secured and verified, and the authorities +issued the necessary proclamation for the vote, which was to take place +at a special election held on the 5th of June. Our campaign work had +been carried on as extensively as possible, but the distances were great +and the workers few, and as a result of the strain upon her Miss Gregg's +health soon failed alarmingly. + +All this was happening during Miss Anthony's last illness, and it added +greatly to our anxieties. + +She instructed me to go to Oregon immediately after her death and to +take her sister Mary and her niece Lucy with me, and we followed these +orders within a week of her funeral, arriving in Portland on the third +day of April. I had attempted too much, however, and I proved it +by fainting as I got off the train, to the horror of the friendly +delegation waiting to receive us. The Portland women took very tender +care of me, and in a few days I was ready for work, but we found +conditions even worse than we had expected. Miss Gregg had collapsed +utterly and was unable to give us any information as to what had been +done or planned, and we had to make a new foundation. Miss Laura Clay, +who had been in the Portland work for a few weeks, proved a tower of +strength, and we were soon aided further by Ida Porter Boyer, who came +on to take charge of the publicity department. During the final six +weeks of the campaign Alice Stone Blackwell, of Boston, was also with +us, while Kate Gordon took under her special charge the organization of +the city of Portland and the parlor-meeting work. Miss Clay went into the +state, where Emma Smith DeVoe and other speakers were also working, and +I spent my time between the office headquarters and "the road," often +working at my desk until it was time to rush off and take a train for +some town where I was to hold a night meeting. Miss Mary and Miss Lucy +Anthony confined themselves to office-work in the Portland headquarters, +where they gave us very valuable assistance. I have always believed that +we would have carried Oregon that year if the disaster of the California +earthquake had not occurred to divert the minds of Western men from +interest in anything save that great catastrophe. + +On election day it seemed as if the heavens had opened to pour floods +upon us. Never before or since have I seen such incessant, relentless +rain. Nevertheless, the women of Portland turned out in force, led by +Mrs. Sarah Evans, president of the Oregon State Federation of Women's +Clubs, while all day long Dr. Pohl took me in her automobile from +one polling-place to another. At each we found representative women +patiently enduring the drenching rain while they tried to persuade men +to vote for us. We distributed sandwiches, courage, and inspiration +among them, and tried to cheer in the same way the women watchers, whose +appointment we had secured that year for the first time. Two women had +been admitted to every polling-place--but the way in which we had been +able to secure their presence throws a high-light on the difficulties we +were meeting. We had to persuade men candidates to select these women as +watchers; and the only men who allowed themselves to be persuaded +were those running on minority tickets and hopeless of election--the +prohibitionists, the socialists, and the candidates of the labor party. + +The result of the election taught us several things. We had been told +that all the prohibitionists and socialists would vote for us. Instead, +we discovered that the percentage of votes for woman suffrage was about +the same in every party, and that whenever the voter had cast a straight +vote, without independence enough to "scratch" his ticket, that vote was +usually against us. On the other hand, when the ticket was "scratched" +the vote was usually in our favor, whatever political party the man +belonged to. + +Another interesting discovery was that the early morning vote was +favorable to our Cause the vote cast by working-men on their way to +their employment. During the middle of the forenoon and afternoon, when +the idle class was at the polls, the vote ran against us. The late vote, +cast as men were returning from their work, was again largely in our +favor--and we drew some conclusions from this. + +Also, for the first time in the history of any campaign, the +anti-suffragists had organized against us. Portland held a small body of +women with antisuffrage sentiments, and there were others in the state +who formed themselves into an anti-suffrage society and carried on +a more or less active warfare. In this campaign, for the first time, +obscene cards directed against the suffragists were circulated at the +polls; and while I certainly do not accuse the Oregon anti-suffragists +of circulating them, it is a fact that the cards were distributed as +coming from the anti-suffragists--undoubtedly by some vicious element +among the men which had its own good reason for opposing us. The "antis" +also suffered in this campaign from the "pernicious activity" of their +spokesman--a lawyer with an unenviable reputation. After the campaign +was over this man declared that it had cost the opponents of our measure +$300,000. + +In 1907 Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont began to show an interest in suffrage +work, and through the influence of several leaders in the movement, +notably that of Mrs. Ida Husted Harper, she decided to assist in the +establishment of national headquarters in the State of New York. For a +long time the association's headquarters had been in Warren, Ohio, the +home of Mrs. Harriet Taylor Upton, then national treasurer, and it was +felt that their removal to a larger city would have a great influence +in developing the work. In 1909 Mrs. Belmont attended as a delegate +the meeting of the International Suffrage Alliance in London, and +her interest in the Cause deepened. She became convinced that the +headquarters of the association should be in New York City, and at +our Seattle convention that same year I presented to the delegates her +generous offer to pay the rent and maintain a press department for two +years, on condition that our national headquarters were established in +New York. + +This proposition was most gratefully accepted, and we promptly secured +headquarters in one of the most desirable buildings on Fifth Avenue. +The wisdom of the change was demonstrated at once by the extraordinary +growth of the work. During our last year in Warren, for example, the +proceeds from the sale of our literature were between $1,200 and $1,300. +During the first year in New York our returns from such sales were +between $13,000 and $14,000, and an equal growth was evident in our +other departments. + +At the end of two years Mrs. Belmont ceased to support the press +department or to pay the rent, but her timely aid had put us on our +feet, and we were able to continue our splendid progress and to meet our +expenses. + +The special event of 1908 was the successful completion of the fund +President M. Carey Thomas of Bryn Mawr and Miss Mary Garrett had +promised in 1906 to raise for the Cause. For some time after Miss +Anthony's death nothing more was said of this, but I knew those two +indefatigable friends were not idle, and "Aunt Susan" had died in the +blessed conviction that their success was certain. In 1907 I received a +letter from Miss Thomas telling me that the project was progressing; and +later she sent an outline of her plan, which was to ask a certain number +of wealthy persons to give five hundred dollars a year each for a term +of years. In all, a fund of $60,000 was to be raised, of which we were +to have $12,000 a year for five years; $4,500 of the $12,000 was to be +paid in salaries to three active officers, and the remaining $7,500 +was to go toward the work of the association. The entire fund was to be +raised by May 1, 1908, she added, or the plan would be dropped. + +I was on a lecture tour in Ohio in April, 1908, when one night, as I was +starting for the hall where the lecture was to be given, my telephone +bell rang. "Long distance wants you," the operator said, and the +next minute a voice I recognized as that of Miss Thomas was offering +congratulations. "The last dollar of the $60,000," she added, "was +pledged at four o'clock this afternoon." + +I was so overcome by the news that I dropped the receiver and shook in +a violent nervous attack, and this trembling continued throughout my +lecture. It had not seemed possible that such a burden could be lifted +from my shoulders; $7,500 a year would greatly aid our work, and $4,500 +a year, even though divided among three officers, would be a most +welcome help to each. As subsequently arranged, the salaries did not +come to us through the National Association treasury; they were paid +directly by Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett as custodians of the fund. So +it is quite correct to say that no salaries have ever been paid by the +National Association to its officers. + +Three years later, in 1911, another glorious surprise came to me in a +very innocent-looking letter. It was one of many in a heavy mail, and I +opened it absent-mindedly, for the day had been problem-filled. + +The writer stated very simply that she wished to put a large amount into +my hands to invest, to draw on, and to use for the Cause as I saw fit. +The matter was to be a secret between us, and she wished no subsequent +accounting, as she had entire faith in my ability to put the money to +the best possible use. + +The proposition rather dazed me, but I rallied my forces and replied +that I was infinitely grateful, but that the amount she mentioned was +a large one and I would much prefer to share the responsibility of +disbursing it. Could she not select one more person, at least, to +share the secret and act with me? She replied, telling me to make the +selection, if I insisted on having a confidante, and I sent her the +names of Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett, suggesting that as Miss Thomas +had done so much of the work in connection with the $60,000 fund, Miss +Garrett might be willing to accept the detail work of this fund. +My friend replied that either of these ladies would be perfectly +satisfactory to her. She knew them both, she said, and I was to arrange +the matter as I chose, as it rested wholly in my hands. + +I used this money in subsequent state campaigns, and I am very sure +that to it was largely due the winning of Arizona, Kansas, and Oregon +in 1912, and of Montana and Nevada in 1914. It enabled us for the first +time to establish headquarters, secure an office force, and engage +campaign speakers. I also spent some of it in the states we lost then +but will win later--Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan--using in all more +than fifteen thousand dollars. In September, 1913, I received another +check from the same friend, showing that she at least was satisfied with +the results we had achieved. + +"It goes to you with my love," she wrote, "and my earnest hopes for +further success--not the least of this a crowning of your faithful, +earnest, splendid work for our beloved Cause. How blessed it is that you +are our president and leader!" + +I had talked to this woman only twice in my life, and I had not seen her +for years when her first check came; so her confidence in me was an even +greater gift than her royal donation toward our Cause. + + + + +XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +The interval between the winning of Idaho and Utah in 1896 and that +of Washington in 1910 seemed very long to lovers of the Cause. We were +working as hard as ever--harder, indeed, for the opposition against us +was growing stronger as our opponents realized what triumphant woman +suffrage would mean to the underworld, the grafters, and the whited +sepulchers in public office. But in 1910 we were cheered by our +Washington victory, followed the next year by the winning of California. +Then, with our splendid banner year of 1912 came the winning of three +states--Arizona, Kansas, and Oregon--preceded by a campaign so full of +vim and interest that it must have its brief chronicle here. + +To begin, we conducted in 1912 the largest number of campaigns we +had ever undertaken, working in six states in which constitutional +amendments were pending--Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Oregon, Arizona, and +Kansas. Personally, I began my work in Ohio in August, with the modest +aspiration of speaking in each of the principal towns in every one +of these states. In Michigan I had the invaluable assistance of Mrs. +Lawrence Lewis, of Philadelphia, and I visited at this time the region +of my old home, greatly changed since the days of my girlhood, and +talked to the old friends and neighbors who had turned out in force to +welcome me. They showed their further interest in the most satisfactory +way, by carrying the amendment in their part of the state. + +At least four and five speeches a day were expected, and as usual +we traveled in every sort of conveyance, from freight-cars to eighty +horse-power French automobiles. In Eau Clair, Wisconsin, I spoke at the +races immediately after the passing of a procession of cattle. At the +end of the procession rode a woman in an ox-cart, to represent pioneer +days. She wore a calico gown and a sunbonnet, and drove her ox-team with +genuine skill; and the last touch to the picture she made was furnished +by the presence of a beautiful biplane which whirred lightly in the air +above her. The obvious comparison was too good to ignore, so I told my +hearers that their women to-day were still riding in ox-teams while +the men soared in the air, and that women's work in the world's service +could be properly done only when they too were allowed to fly. + +In Oregon we were joined by Miss Lucy Anthony. There, at Pendleton, I +spoke during the great "round up," holding the meeting at night on +the street, in which thousands of horsemen--cowboys, Indians, and +ranchmen--were riding up and down, blowing horns, shouting, and singing. +It seemed impossible to interest an audience under such conditions, but +evidently the men liked variety, for when we began to speak they quieted +down and closed around us until we had an audience that filled the +streets in every direction and as far as our voices could reach. Never +have we had more courteous or enthusiastic listeners than those wild and +happy horsemen. Best of all, they not only cheered our sentiments, +but they followed up their cheers with their votes. I spoke from an +automobile, and when I had finished one of the cowboys rode close to +me and asked for my New York address. "You will hear from me later," he +said, when he had made a note of it. In time I received a great linen +banner, on which he had made a superb pen-and-ink sketch of himself +and his horse, and in every corner sketches of scenes in the different +states where women voted, together with drawings of all the details of +cowboy equipment. Over these were drawn the words: + + WOMAN SUFFRAGE--WE ARE ALL FOR IT. + +The banner hangs to-day in the National Headquarters. + +In California Mr. Edwards presented me with the money to purchase the +diamond in Miss Anthony's flag pin representing the victory of his state +the preceding year; and in Arizona one of the highlights of the campaign +was the splendid effort of Mrs. Frances Munds, the state president, and +Mrs. Alice Park, of Palo Alto, California, who were carrying on the work +in their headquarters with tremendous courage, and, as it seemed to me, +almost unaided. Mrs. Park's specialty was the distribution of suffrage +literature, which she circulated with remarkable judgment. The Governor +of Arizona was in favor of our Cause, but there were so few active +workers available that to me, at least, the winning of the state was a +happy surprise. + +In Kansas we stole some of the prestige of Champ Clark, who was making +political speeches in the same region. At one station a brass-band and +a great gathering were waiting for Mr. Clark's train just as our train +drew in; so the local suffragists persuaded the band to play for us, +too, and I made a speech to the inspiring accompaniment of "Hail to the +Chief." The passengers on our train were greatly impressed, thinking it +was all for us; the crowd at the station were glad to be amused until +the great man came, and I was glad of the opportunity to talk to so many +representative men--so we were all happy. + +In the Soldiers' Home at Leavenworth I told the old men of the days when +my father and brothers left us in the wilderness, and my mother and I +cared for the home while they fought at the front--and I have always +believed that much of the large vote we received at Leavenworth was cast +by those old soldiers. + +No one who knows the conditions doubts that we really won Michigan that +year as well as the three other states, but strange things were done in +the count. For example, in one precinct in Detroit forty more votes were +counted against our amendment than there were voters in the district. In +other districts there were seven or eight more votes than voters. +Under these conditions it is not surprising that, after the vigorous +recounting following the first wide-spread reports of our success, +Michigan was declared lost to us. + +The campaign of 1914, in which we won Montana and Nevada, deserves +special mention here. I must express also my regret that as this book +will be on the presses before the campaign of 1915 is ended, I cannot +include in these reminiscences the results of our work in New York and +other states. + +As a beginning of the 1914 campaign I spent a day in Chicago, on the way +to South Dakota, to take my part in a moving-picture suffrage play. It +was my first experience as an actress, and I found it a taxing one. As +a modest beginning I was ordered to make a speech in thirty-three +seconds--something of a task, as my usual time allowance for a speech is +one hour. The manager assured me, however, that a speech of thirty-three +seconds made twenty-seven feet of film--enough, he thought, to convert +even a lieutenant-governor! + +The Dakota campaigns, as usual, resolved themselves largely into feats +of physical endurance, in which I was inspired by the fine example of +the state presidents--Mrs. John Pyle of South Dakota and Mrs. Clara +V. Darrow of North Dakota. Every day we made speeches from the rear +platform of the trains on which we were traveling--sometimes only two +or three, sometimes half a dozen. One day I rode one hundred miles in an +automobile and spoke in five different towns. Another day I had to make +a journey in a freight-car. It was, with a few exceptions, the roughest +traveling I had yet known, and it took me six hours to reach my +destination. While I was gathering up hair-pins and pulling myself +together to leave the car at the end of the ride I asked the conductor +how far we had traveled. + +"Forty miles," said he, tersely. + +"That means forty miles AHEAD," I murmured. "How far up and down?" + +"Oh, a hundred miles up and down," grinned the conductor, and the +exchange of persiflage cheered us both. + +Though we did not win, I have very pleasant memories of North Dakota, +for Mrs. Darrow accompanied me during the entire campaign, and took +every burden from my shoulders so efficiently that I had nothing to do +but make speeches. + +In Montana our most interesting day was that of the State Fair, which +ended with a suffrage parade that I was invited to lead. On this +occasion the suffragists wished me to wear my cap and gown and my +doctor's hood, but as I had not brought those garments with me, we +borrowed and I proudly wore the cap and gown of the Unitarian minister. +It was a small but really beautiful parade, and all the costumes for it +were designed by the state president, Miss Jeannette Rankin, to whose +fine work, by the way, combined with the work of her friends, the +winning of Montana was largely due. + +In Butte the big strike was on, and the town was under martial law. A +large banquet was given us there, and when we drove up to the club-house +where this festivity was to be held we were stopped by two armed guards +who confronted us with stern faces and fixed bayonets. The situation +seemed so absurd that I burst into happy laughter, and thus deeply +offended the earnest young guards who were grasping the fixed bayonets. +This sad memory was wiped out, however, by the interest of the +banquet--a very delightful affair, attended by the mayor of Butte and +other local dignitaries. + +In Nevada the most interesting feature of the campaign was the splendid +work of the women. In each of the little towns there was the same spirit +of ceaseless activity and determination. The president of the State +Association, Miss Anne Martin, who was at the head of the campaign work, +accompanied me one Sunday when we drove seventy miles in a motor and +spoke four times, and she was also my companion in a wonderful journey +over the mountains. Miss Martin was a tireless and worthy leader of the +fine workers in her state. + +In Missouri, under the direction of Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, and in +Nebraska, where Mrs. E. Draper Smith was managing the campaign, we +had some inspiring meetings. At Lincoln Mrs. William Jennings Bryan +introduced me to the biggest audience of the year, and the programme +took on a special interest from the fact that it included Mrs. Bryan's +debut as a speaker for suffrage. She is a tall and attractive woman with +an extremely pleasant voice, and she made an admirable speech--clear, +terse, and much to the point, putting herself on record as a strong +supporter of the woman-suffrage movement. There was also an amusing +aftermath of this occasion, which Secretary Bryan himself confided to +me several months later when I met him in Atlantic City. He assured me, +with the deep sincerity he assumes so well, that for five nights after +my speech in Lincoln his wife had kept him awake listening to her report +of it--and he added, solemnly, that he now knew it "by heart." + +A less pleasing memory of Nebraska is that I lost my voice there and my +activities were sadly interrupted. But I was taken to the home of Mr. +and Mrs. Francis A. Brogan, of Omaha, and supplied with a trained nurse, +a throat specialist, and such care and comfort that I really enjoyed the +enforced rest--knowing, too, that the campaign committee was carrying on +our work with great enthusiasm. + +In Missouri one of our most significant meetings was in Bowling Green, +the home of Champ Clark, Speaker of the House. Mrs. Clark gave a +reception, made a speech, and introduced me at the meeting, as Mrs. +Bryan had done in Lincoln. She is one of the brightest memories of +my Missouri experience, for, with few exceptions, she is the most +entertaining woman I have ever met. Subsequently we had an all-day motor +journey together, during which Mrs. Clark rarely stopped talking and I +even more rarely stopped laughing. + + + + +XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +From 1887 to 1914 we had a suffrage convention every year, and I +attended each of them. In preceding chapters I have mentioned various +convention episodes of more or less importance. Now, looking back +over them all as I near the end of these reminiscences, I recall a few +additional incidents which had a bearing on later events. There was, +for example, the much-discussed attack on suffrage during the Atlanta +convention of 1895, by a prominent clergyman of that city whose name I +mercifully withhold. On the Sunday preceding our arrival this gentleman +preached a sermon warning every one to keep away from our meetings, as +our effort was not to secure the franchise for women, but to encourage +the intermarriage of the black and white races. Incidentally he declared +that the suffragists were trying to break up the homes of America +and degrade the morals of women, and that we were all infidels and +blasphemers. He ended with a personal attack on me, saying that on the +previous Sunday I had preached in the Epworth Memorial Methodist Church +of Cleveland, Ohio, a sermon which was of so blasphemous a nature that +nothing could purify the church after it except to burn it down. + +As usual at our conventions, I had been announced to preach the sermon +at our Sunday conference, and I need hardly point out that the reverend +gentleman's charge created a deep public interest in this effort. I +had already selected a text, but I immediately changed my plans and +announced that I would repeat the sermon I had delivered in Cleveland +and which the Atlanta minister considered so blasphemous. The +announcement brought out an audience which filled the Opera House and +called for a squad of police officers to keep in order the street crowd +that could not secure entrance. The assemblage had naturally expected +that I would make some reply to the clergyman's attack, but I made no +reference whatever to him. I merely repeated, with emphasis, the sermon +I had delivered in Cleveland. + +At the conclusion of the service one of the trustees of my reverend +critic's church came and apologized for his pastor. He had a high regard +for him, the trustee said, but in this instance there could be no doubt +in the mind of any one who had heard both sermons that of the two mine +was the tolerant, the reverent, and the Christian one. The attack made +many friends for us, first because of its injustice, and next because of +the good-humored tolerance with which the suffragists accepted it. + +The Atlanta convention, by the way, was arranged and largely financed by +the Misses Howard--three sisters living in Columbus, Georgia, and each +an officer of the Georgia Woman Suffrage Association. It is a remarkable +fact that in many of our Southern states the suffrage movement has been +led by three sisters. In Kentucky the three Clay sisters were for many +years leaders in the work. In Texas the three Finnegan sisters did +splendid work; in Louisiana the Gordon sisters were our stanchest +allies, while in Virginia we had the invaluable aid of Mary Johnston, +the novelist, and her two sisters. We used to say, laughingly, if there +was a failure to organize any state in the South, that it must be due to +the fact that no family there had three sisters to start the movement. + +From the Atlanta convention we went directly to Washington to attend +the convention of the National Council of Women, and on the first day of +this council Frederick Douglass came to the meeting. Mr. Douglass had a +special place in the hearts of suffragists, for the reason that at the +first convention ever held for woman suffrage in the United States (at +Seneca Falls, New York) he was the only person present who stood by +Elizabeth Cady Stanton when she presented her resolution in favor of +votes for women. Even Lucretia Mott was startled by this radical step, +and privately breathed into the ear of her friend, "Elizabeth, thee is +making us ridiculous!" Frederick Douglass, however, took the floor in +defense of Mrs. Stanton's motion, a service we suffragists never forgot. + +Therefore, when the presiding officer of the council, Mrs. May Wright +Sewall, saw Mr. Douglass enter the convention hall in Washington on this +particular morning, she appointed Susan B. Anthony and me a committee to +escort him to a seat on the platform, which we gladly did. Mr. Douglass +made a short speech and then left the building, going directly to his +home. There, on entering his hall, he had an attack of heart failure +and dropped dead as he was removing his overcoat. His death cast a gloom +over the convention, and his funeral, which took place three days +later, was attended by many prominent men and women who were among the +delegates. Miss Anthony and I were invited to take part in the funeral +services, and she made a short address, while I offered a prayer. + +The event had an aftermath in Atlanta, for it led our clerical enemy +to repeat his charges against us, and to offer the funeral of Frederick +Douglass as proof that we were hand in glove with the negro race. + +Under the gracious direction of Miss Kate Gordon and the Louisiana Woman +Suffrage Association, we held an especially inspiring convention in +New Orleans in 1903. In no previous convention were arrangements +more perfect, and certainly nowhere else did the men of a community +co-operate more generously with the women in entertaining us. A club of +men paid the rent of our hall, chartered a steamboat and gave us a ride +on the Mississippi, and in many other ways helped to make the occasion +a success. Miss Gordon, who was chairman of the programme committee, +introduced the innovation of putting me before the audience for twenty +minutes every evening, at the close of the regular session, as a target +for questions. Those present were privileged to ask any questions they +pleased, and I answered them--if I could. + +We were all conscious of the dangers attending a discussion of the negro +question, and it was understood among the Northern women that we must +take every precaution to avoid being led into such discussion. It had +not been easy to persuade Miss Anthony of the wisdom of this course; her +way was to face issues squarely and out in the open. But she agreed that +we must respect the convictions of the Southern men and women who were +entertaining us so hospitably. + +On the opening night, as I took my place to answer questions, almost the +first slip passed up bore these words: + + +What is your purpose in bringing your convention to the South? Is it the +desire of suffragists to force upon us the social equality of black and +white women? Political equality lays the foundation for social equality. +If you give the ballot to women, won't you make the black and white +woman equal politically and therefore lay the foundation for a future +claim of social equality? + + +I laid the paper on one side and did not answer the question. The second +night it came to me again, put in the same words, and again I ignored +it. The third night it came with this addition: + +Evidently you do not dare to answer this question. Therefore our +conclusion is that this is your purpose. + + +When I had read this I went to the front of the platform. + +"Here," I said, "is a question which has been asked me on three +successive nights. I have not answered it because we Northern women had +decided not to enter into any discussion of the race question. But now I +am told by the writer of this note that we dare not answer it. I wish +to say that we dare to answer it if you dare to have it answered--and I +leave it to you to decide whether I shall answer it or not." + +I read the question aloud. Then the audience called for the answer, and +I gave it in these words, quoted as accurately as I can remember them: + +"If political equality is the basis of social equality, and if by +granting political equality you lay the foundation for a claim of social +equality, I can only answer that you have already laid that claim. You +did not wait for woman suffrage, but disfranchised both your black and +your white women, thus making them politically equal. But you have done +more than that. You have put the ballot into the hands of your black +men, thus making them the political superiors of your white women. +Never before in the history of the world have men made former slaves the +political masters of their former mistresses!" + +The point went home and it went deep. I drove it in a little further. + +"The women of the South are not alone," I said, "in their humiliation. +All the women of America share it with them. There is no other nation in +the world in which women hold the position of political degradation our +American women hold to-day. German women are governed by German men; +French women are governed by French men. But in these United States +American women are governed by every race of men under the light of the +sun. There is not a color from white to black, from red to yellow, there +is not a nation from pole to pole, that does not send its contingent to +govern American women. If American men are willing to leave their women +in a position as degrading as this they need not be surprised when +American women resolve to lift themselves out of it." + +For a full moment after I had finished there was absolute silence in +the audience. We did not know what would happen. Then, suddenly, as the +truth of the statement struck them, the men began to applaud--and the +danger of that situation was over. + +Another episode had its part in driving the suffrage lesson home to +Southern women. The Legislature had passed a bill permitting tax-paying +women to vote at any election where special taxes were to be imposed for +improvements, and the first election following the passage of this bill +was one in New Orleans, in which the question of better drainage for +the city was before the public. Miss Gordon and the suffrage association +known as the Era Club entered enthusiastically into the fight for +good drainage. According to the law women could vote by proxy if they +preferred, instead of in person, so Miss Gordon drove to the homes of +the old conservative Creole families and other families whose women +were unwilling to vote in public, and she collected their proxies while +incidentally she showed them what position they held under the law. + +With each proxy it was necessary to have the signature of a witness, but +according to the Louisiana law no woman could witness a legal document. +Miss Gordon was driven from place to place by her colored coachman, and +after she had secured the proxy of her temporary hostess it was usually +discovered that there was no man around the place to act as a witness. +This was Miss Gordon's opportunity. With a smile of great sweetness she +would say, "I will have Sam come in and help us out"; and the colored +coachman would get down from his box, and by scrawling his signature on +the proxy of the aristocratic lady he would give it the legal value it +lacked. In this way Miss Gordon secured three hundred proxies, and three +hundred very conservative women had an opportunity to compare their +legal standing with Sam's. The drainage bill was carried and interest in +woman suffrage developed steadily. + +The special incident of the Buffalo convention of 1908 was the receipt +of a note which was passed up to me as I sat on the platform. When I +opened it a check dropped out--a check so large that I was sure it had +been sent by mistake. However, after asking one or two friends on the +platform if I had read it correctly, I announced to the audience that if +a certain amount were subscribed immediately I would reveal a secret--a +very interesting secret. Audiences are as curious as individuals. The +amount was at once subscribed. Then I held up a check for $10,000, given +for our campaign work by Mrs. George Howard Lewis, in memory of Susan B. +Anthony, and I read to the audience the charming letter that accompanied +it. The money was used during the campaigns of the following year--part +of it in Washington, where an amendment was already submitted. + +In a previous chapter I have described the establishment of our New York +headquarters as a result of the generous offer of Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont +at the Seattle convention in 1909. During our first year in these +beautiful Fifth Avenue rooms Mrs. Pankhurst made her first visit to +America, and we gave her a reception there. This, however, was before +the adoption of the destructive methods which have since marked the +activities of the band of militant suffragists of which Mrs. Pankhurst +is president. There has never been any sympathy among American +suffragists for the militant suffrage movement in England, and +personally I am wholly opposed to it. I do not believe in war in any +form; and if violence on the part of men is undesirable in achieving +their ends, it is much more so on the part of women; for women never +appear to less advantage than in physical combats with men. As for +militancy in America, no generation that attempted it could win. No +victory could come to us in any state where militant methods were tried. +They are undignified, unworthy--in other words, un-American. + +The Washington convention of 1910 was graced by the presence of +President Taft, who, at the invitation of Mrs. Rachel Foster Avery, +made an address. It was understood, of course, that he was to come +out strongly for woman suffrage; but, to our great disappointment, the +President, a most charming and likable gentleman, seemed unable to grasp +the significance of the occasion. He began his address with fulsome +praise of women, which was accepted in respectful silence. Then he got +round to woman suffrage, floundered helplessly, became confused, and +ended with the most unfortunately chosen words he could have uttered: "I +am opposed," he said, "to the extension of suffrage to women not fitted +to vote. You would hardly expect to put the ballot into the hands of +barbarians or savages in the jungle!" + +The dropping of these remarkable words into a suffrage convention was +naturally followed by an oppressive silence, which Mr. Taft, now wholly +bereft of his self-possession, broke by saying that the best women would +not vote and the worst women would. + +In his audience were many women from suffrage states--high-minded women, +wives and mothers, who had voted for Mr. Taft. The remarks to which +they had just listened must have seemed to them a poor return. Some one +hissed--some man, some woman--no one knows which except the culprit--and +a demonstration started which I immediately silenced. Then the President +finished his address. He was very gracious to us when he left, shaking +hands with many of us, and being especially cordial to Senator Owens's +aged mother, who had come to the convention to hear him make his maiden +speech on woman suffrage. I have often wondered what he thought of that +speech as he drove back to the White House. Probably he regretted as +earnestly as we did that he had made it. + +In 1912, at an official board meeting at Bryn Mawr, Mrs. Stanley +McCormack was appointed to fill a vacancy on the National Board. +Subsequently she contributed $6,000 toward the payment of debts incident +to our temporary connection with the Woman's Journal of Boston, and +did much efficient work for us, To me, personally, the entrance of +Mrs. Stanley McCormack into our work has been a source of the deepest +gratification and comfort. I can truly say of her what Susan B. Anthony +said of me, "She is my right bower." At Nashville, in 1914, she was +elected first vice-president, and to a remarkable degree she has since +relieved me of the burden of the technical work of the presidency, +including the oversight of the work at headquarters. To this she gives +all her time, aided by an executive secretary who takes charge of the +routine work of the association. She has thus made it possible for me +to give the greater part of my time to the field in which such inspiring +opportunities still confront us--campaign work in the various states. + +To Mrs. Medill McCormack also we are indebted for most admirable work +and enthusiastic support. At the Washington (D.C.) convention in 1913 +she was made the chairman of the Congressional Committee, with Mrs. +Antoinette Funk, Mrs. Helen Gardner of Washington, and Mrs. Booth of +Chicago as her assistants. The results they achieved were so brilliant +that they were unanimously re-elected to the same positions this year, +with the addition of Miss Jeannette Rankin, whose energy and service had +helped to win for us the state of Montana. + +It was largely due to the work of this Congressional Committee, +supported by the large number of states which had been won for suffrage, +that we secured such an excellent vote in the Lower House of Congress +on the bill to amend the national Constitution granting suffrage to the +women of the United States. This measure, known as the Susan B. Anthony +bill, had been introduced into every Congress for forty-three years by +the National Woman Suffrage Association. In 1914, for the first time, +it was brought out of committee, debated, and voted upon in the Lower +House. We received 174 votes in favor of it to 204 against it. The +previous spring, in the same Congress, the same bill passed the Senate +by 35 votes for it to 33 votes against it. + +The most interesting features of the Washington convention of 1913 were +the labor mass-meetings led by Jane Addams and the hearing before the +Rules Committee of the Lower House of Congress--the latter the first +hearing ever held before this Committee for the purpose of securing a +Committee on Suffrage in the Lower House to correspond with a similar +committee in the Senate. For many years we had had hearings before the +Judiciary Committee of the Lower House, which was such a busy committee +that it had neither time nor interest to give to our measure. We +therefore considered it necessary to have a special committee of +our own. The hearing began on the morning of Wednesday, the third of +December, and lasted for two hours. Then the anti-suffragists were given +time, and their hearing began the following day, continued throughout +that day and during the morning of the next day, when our National +Association was given an opportunity for rebuttal argument in the +afternoon. It was the longest hearing in the history of the suffrage +movement, and one of the most important. + +During the session of Congress in 1914 another strenuous effort was made +to secure the appointment of a special suffrage committee in the Lower +House. But when success began to loom large before us the Democrats were +called in caucus by the minority leader, Mr. Underwood, of Alabama, and +they downed our measure by a vote of 127 against it to 58 for it. This +was evidently done by the Democrats because of the fear that the united +votes of Republican and Progressive members, with those of certain +Democratic members, would carry the measure; whereas if this caucus were +called, and an unfavorable vote taken, "the gentlemen's agreement" which +controls Democratic party action in Congress would force Democrats in +favor of suffrage to vote against the appointment of the committee, +which of course would insure its defeat. + +The caucus blocked the appointment of the committee, but it gave great +encouragement to the suffragists of the country, for they knew it to be +a tacit admission that the measure would receive a favorable vote if it +came before Congress unhampered. + +Another feature of the 1913 convention was the new method of electing +officers, by which a primary vote was taken on nominations, and +afterward a regular ballot was cast; one officer was added to the +members of the official board, making nine instead of eight, the former +number. The new officers elected were Mrs. Breckenridge of Kentucky, +the great-granddaughter of Henry Clay, and Mrs. Catherine Ruutz-Rees +of Greenwich, Connecticut. The old officers were re-elected--Miss Jane +Addams as first vice-president, Mrs. Breckenridge and Mrs. Ruutz-Rees +as second and third vice-presidents, Mrs. Mary Ware Dennett as +corresponding secretary, Mrs. Susan Fitzgerald as recording secretary, +Mrs. Stanley McCormack as treasurer, Mrs. Joseph Bowen of Chicago and +Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw of New York City as auditors. + +It would be difficult to secure a group of women of more marked +ability, or better-known workers in various lines of philanthropic and +educational work, than the members composing this admirable board. At +the convention of 1914, held in Nashville, several of them resigned, and +at present (in 1914) the "National's" affairs are in the hands of this +inspiring group, again headed by the much-criticized and chastened +writer of these reminiscences: + + Mrs. Stanley McCormack, first vice-president. + Mrs. Desha Breckenridge, second vice-president. + Dr. Katharine B. Davis, third vice-president. + Mrs. Henry Wade Rogers, treasurer. + Mrs. John Clark, corresponding secretary. + Mrs. Susan Walker Fitzgerald, recording secretary. + Mrs. Medill McCormack, } + } Auditors + Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, of Missouri } + + +In a book of this size, and covering the details of my own life as well +as the development of the great Cause, it is, of course, impossible +to mention by name each woman who has worked for us--though, indeed, +I would like to make a roll of honor and give them all their due. In +looking back I am surprised to see how little I have said about many +women with whom I have worked most closely--Rachel Foster Avery, for +example, with whom I lived happily for several years; Ida Husted Harper, +the historian of the suffrage movement and the biographer of Miss +Anthony, with whom I made many delightful voyages to Europe; Alice Stone +Blackwell, Rev. Mary Saffard, Jane Addams, Katharine Waugh McCullough, +Ella Stewart, Mrs. Mary Wood Swift, Mrs. Mary S. Sperry, Mary Cogshall, +Florence Kelly, Mrs. Ogden Mills Reid and Mrs. Norman Whitehouse (to +mention only two of the younger "live wires" in our New York work), +Sophonisba Breckenridge, Mrs. Clara B. Arthur, Rev. Caroline Bartlett +Crane, Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw, Mrs. Raymond Brown, the splendidly +executive president of our New York State Suffrage Association, and my +benefactress, Mrs. George Howard Lewis of Buffalo. To all of them, +and to thousands of others, I make my grateful acknowledgment of +indebtedness for friendship and for help. + + + + +XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES + +I have said much of the interest attending the international meetings +held in Chicago, London, Berlin, and Stockholm. That I have said less +about those in Copenhagen, Geneva, The Hague, Budapest, and other +cities does not mean that these were less important, and certainly the +wonderful women leaders of Europe who made them so brilliant must not be +passed over in silence. + +First, however, the difference between the Suffrage Alliance meetings +and the International Council meetings should be explained. The Council +meetings are made up of societies from the various nations which are +auxiliary to the International Council--these societies representing all +lines of women's activities, whether educational, industrial, or +social, while the membership, including more than eleven million women, +represents probably the largest organization of women in the world. +The International Suffrage Alliance represents the suffrage interest +primarily, whereas the International Council has only a suffrage +department. So popular did this International Alliance become after +its formation in Berlin by Mrs. Catt, in 1904, that at the Copenhagen +meeting, only three years later, more than sixteen different nations +were represented by regular delegates. + +It was unfortunate, therefore, that I chose this occasion to make a +spectacular personal failure in the pulpit. I had been invited to +preach the convention sermon, and for the first time in my life I had an +interpreter. Few experiences, I believe, can be more unpleasant than to +stand up in a pulpit, utter a remark, and then wait patiently while it +is repeated in a tongue one does not understand, by a man who is +putting its gist in his own words and quite possibly giving it his own +interpretative twist. I was very unhappy, and I fear I showed it, for I +felt, as I looked at the faces of those friends who understood Danish, +that they were not getting what I was giving them. Nor were they, for +I afterward learned that the interpreter, a good orthodox brother, had +given the sermon an ultra-orthodox bias which those who knew my creed +certainly did not recognize. The whole experience greatly disheartened +me, but no doubt it was good for my soul. + +During the Copenhagen meeting we were given a banquet by the City +Council, and in the course of his speech of welcome one of the city +fathers airily remarked that he hoped on our next visit to Copenhagen +there would be women members in the Council to receive us. At the time +this seemed merely a pleasant jest, but two years from that day a bill +was enacted by Parliament granting municipal suffrage to the women of +Denmark, and seven women were elected to the City Council of Copenhagen. +So rapidly does the woman suffrage movement grow in these inspiring +days! + +Recalling the International Council of 1899 in London, one of my most +vivid pictures has Queen Victoria for its central figure. The English +court was in mourning at the time and no public audiences were being +held; but we were invited to Windsor with the understanding that, +although the Queen could not formally receive us, she would pass +through our lines, receiving Lady Aberdeen and giving the rest of us +an opportunity to courtesy and obtain Her Majesty's recognition of the +Cause. The Queen arranged with her chamberlain that we should be given +tea and a collation; but before this refreshment was served, indeed +immediately after our arrival, she entered her familiar little pony-cart +and was driven slowly along lines of bowing women who must have looked +like a wheat-field in a high wind. + +Among us was a group of Indian women, and these, dressed in their native +costumes, contributed a picturesque bit of brilliant color to the scene +as they deeply salaamed. They arrested the eye of the Queen, who stopped +and spoke a few cordial words to them. This gave the rest of us an +excellent opportunity to observe her closely, and I admit that my +English blood stirred in me suddenly and loyally as I studied the plump +little figure. She was dressed entirely and very simply in black, with a +quaint flat black hat and a black cape. The only bit of color about her +was a black-and-white parasol with a gold handle. It was, however, her +face which held me, for it gave me a wholly different impression of the +Queen from those I had received from her photographs. Her pictured eyes +were always rather cold, and her pictured face rather haughty; but there +was a very sweet and winning softness in the eyes she turned upon the +Indian women, and her whole expression was unexpectedly gentle and +benignant. Behind her, as a personal attendant, strode an enormous +East-Indian in full native costume, and closely surrounding her were +gentlemen of her household, each in uniform. + +By this time my thoughts were on my courtesy, which I desired to make +conventional if not graceful; but nature has not made it easy for me to +double to the earth as Lady Aberdeen and the Indian women were doing, +and I fear I accomplished little save an exhibition of good intentions. +The Queen, however, was getting into the spirit of the occasion. She +stopped to speak to a Canadian representative, and she would, I think, +have ended by talking to many others; but, just at the psychological +moment, a woman rushed out of the line, seized Her Majesty's hand +and kissed it--and Victoria, startled and possibly fearing a general +onslaught, hurriedly passed on. + +Another picture I recall was made by the Duchess of Sutherland, the +Countess of Aberdeen, and the Countess of Warwick standing together to +receive us at the foot of the marble stairway in Sutherland House. All +of them literally blazed with jewels, and the Countess of Aberdeen wore +the famous Aberdeen emerald. At Lady Battersea's reception I had my +first memorial meeting with Mary Anderson Navarro, and was able to thank +her for the pleasure she had given me in Boston so long ago. Then I +reproached her mildly for taking herself away from us, pointing out that +a great gift had been given her which she should have continued to share +with the world. + +"Come and see my baby," laughed Madame Navarro. "That's the best +argument I can offer to refute yours." + +At the same reception I had an interesting talk with James Bryce. He had +recently written his American Commonwealth, and I had just read it. It +was, therefore, the first subject I introduced in our conversation. Mr. +Bryce's comment amused me. He told me he had quite changed his opinion +toward the suffrage aspirations of women, because so many women had read +his book that he really believed they were intelligent, and he had come +to feel much more kindly toward them. These were not his exact words, +but his meaning was unmistakable and his mental attitude artlessly +sincere. And, on reflection, I agree with him that the American +Commonwealth is something of an intellectual hurdle for the average +human mind. + +In 1908 the International Council was held in Geneva, and here, for +the first time, we were shown, as entertainment, the dances of a +country--the scene being an especially brilliant one, as all the dancers +wore their native costumes. Also, for the first time in the history of +Geneva, the buildings of Parliament were opened to women and a woman's +organization was given the key to the city. At that time the Swiss women +were making their fight for a vote in church matters, and we helped +their cause as much as we could. To-day many Swiss women are permitted +to exercise this right--the first political privilege free Switzerland +has given them. + +The International Alliance meeting in Amsterdam in 1909 was the largest +held up to that time, and much of its success was due to Dr. Aletta +Jacobs, the president of the National Suffrage Association of Holland. +Dr. Jacobs had some wonderful helpers among the women of her country, +and she herself was an ideal leader--patient, enthusiastic, and +tireless. That year the governments of Australia, Norway, and Finland +paid the expenses of the delegates from those countries--a heartening +innovation. One of the interesting features of the meeting was a cantata +composed for the occasion and given by the Queen's Royal Band, under +the direction of a woman--Catharine van Rennes, one of the most +distinguished composers and teachers in Holland. She wrote both words +and music of her cantata and directed it admirably; and the musicians +of the Queen's Band entered fully into its spirit and played like +men inspired. That night we had more music, as well as a +never-to-be-forgotten exhibition of folk-dancing. + +The same year, in June, we held the meeting of the International +Council in Toronto, and, as Canada has never been eagerly interested in +suffrage, an unsuccessful effort was made to exclude this subject from +the programme. I was asked to preside at the suffrage meetings on the +artless and obvious theory that I would thus be kept too busy to say +much. I had hoped that the Countess of Aberdeen, who was the president +of the International Council, would take the chair; but she declined +to do this, or even to speak, as the Earl of Aberdeen had recently +been appointed Viceroy of Ireland, and she desired to spare him any +embarrassment which might be caused by her public activities. We +recognized the wisdom of her decision, but, of course, regretted it; +and I was therefore especially pleased when, on suffrage night, the +countess, accompanied by her aides in their brilliant uniforms, entered +the hall. We had not been sure that she would be with us, but she +entered in her usual charming and gracious manner, took a seat beside +me on the platform, and showed a deep interest in the programme and the +great gathering before us. + +As the meeting went on I saw that she was growing more and more +enthusiastic, and toward the end of the evening I quietly asked her if +she did not wish to say a few words. She said she would say a very few. +I had put myself at the end of the programme, intending to talk +about twenty minutes; but before beginning my speech I introduced the +countess, and by this time she was so enthusiastic that, to my great +delight, she used up my twenty minutes in a capital speech in which +she came out vigorously for woman suffrage. It gave us the best and +timeliest help we could have had, and was a great impetus to the +movement. + +In London, at the Alliance Council of 1911, we were entertained for +the first time by a suffrage organization of men, and by the organized +actresses of the nation, as well as by the authors. + +In Stockholm, the following year, we listened to several of the most +interesting women speakers in the world--Selma Lagerlof, who had just +received the Nobel prize, Rosica Schwimmer of Hungary, Dr. Augsburg +of Munich, and Mrs. Philip Snowden of England. Miss Schwimmer and Mrs. +Snowden have since become familiar to American audiences, but until that +time I had not heard either of them, and I was immensely impressed by +their ability and their different methods--Miss Schwimmer being all +force and fire, alive from her feet to her finger-tips, Mrs. Snowden all +quiet reserve and dignity. Dr. Augsburg wore her hair short and dressed +in a most eccentric manner; but we forgot her appearance as we listened +to her, for she was an inspired speaker. + +Selma Lagerlof's speech made the great audience weep. Men as well +as women openly wiped their eyes as she described the sacrifice and +suffering of Swedish women whose men had gone to America to make a home +there, and who, when they were left behind, struggled alone, waiting +and hoping for the message to join their husbands, which too often never +came. The speech made so great an impression that we had it translated +and distributed among the Swedes of the United States wherever we held +meetings in Swedish localities. + +Miss Lagerlof interested me extremely, and I was delighted by an +invitation to breakfast with her one morning. At our first meeting she +had seemed rather cold and shy--a little "difficult," as we say; but +when we began to talk I found her frank, cordial, and full of magnetism. +She is self-conscious about her English, but really speaks our language +very well. Her great interest at the time was in improving the condition +of the peasants near her home. She talked of this work and of her books +and of the Council programme with such friendly intimacy that when we +parted I felt that I had always known her. + +At the Hague Council in 1913 I was the guest of Mrs. Richard Halter, to +whom I am also indebted for a beautiful and wonderful motor journey from +end to end of Holland, bringing up finally in Amsterdam at the home of +Dr. Aletta Jacobs. Here we met two young Holland women, Miss Boissevain +and Rosa Manus, both wealthy, both anxious to help their countrywomen, +but still a little uncertain as to the direction of their efforts. They +came to Mrs. Catt and me and asked our advice as to what they should +do, with the result that later they organized and put through, largely +unaided, a national exposition showing the development of women's work +from 1813 to 1913. The suffrage-room at this exposition showed the +progress of suffrage in all parts of the world; but when the Queen of +Holland visited the building she expressed a wish not to be detained in +this room, as she was not interested in suffrage. The Prince Consort, +however, spent much time in it, and wanted the whole suffrage movement +explained to him, which was done cheerfully and thoroughly by Miss +Boissevain and Miss Manus. The following winter, when the Queen read her +address from the throne, she expressed an interest in so changing the +Constitution of Holland that suffrage might possibly be extended to +women. We felt that this change of heart was due to the suffrage-room +arranged by our two young friends--aided, probably, by a few words from +the Prince Consort! + +Immediately after these days at Amsterdam we started for Budapest to +attend the International Alliance Convention there, and incidentally we +indulged in a series of two-day conventions en route--one at Berlin, +one at Dresden, one at Prague, and one at Vienna. At Prague I disgraced +myself by being in my hotel room in a sleep of utter exhaustion at the +hour when I was supposed to be responding to an address of welcome by +the mayor; and the high-light of the evening session in that city falls +on the intellectual brow of a Bohemian lady who insisted on making her +address in the Czech language, which she poured forth for exactly one +hour and fifteen minutes. I began my address at a quarter of twelve and +left the hall at midnight. Later I learned that the last speaker began +her remarks at a quarter past one in the morning. + +It may be in order to add here that Vienna did for me what Berlin had +done for Susan B. Anthony--it gave me the ovation of my life. At the +conclusion of my speech the great audience rose and, still standing, +cheered for many minutes. I was immensely surprised and deeply +touched by the unexpected tribute; but any undue elation I might have +experienced was checked by the memory of the skeptical snort with which +one of my auditors had received me. He was very German, and very, very +frank. After one pained look at me he rose to leave the hall. + +"THAT old woman!" he exclaimed. "She cannot make herself heard." + +He was half-way down the aisle when the opening words of my address +caught up with him and stopped him. Whatever their meaning may have +been, it was at least carried to the far ends of that great hall, for +the old fellow had piqued me a bit and I had given my voice its fullest +volume. He crowded into an already over-occupied pew and stared at me +with goggling eyes. + +"Mein Gott!" he gasped. "Mein Gott, she could be heard ANYWHERE." + +The meeting at Budapest was a great personal triumph for Mrs. Catt. No +one, I am sure, but the almost adored president of the International +Suffrage Alliance could have controlled a convention made up of women +of so many different nationalities, with so many different viewpoints, +while the confusion of languages made a general understanding seem +almost hopeless. But it was a great success in every way--and a +delightful feature of it was the hospitality of the city officials and, +indeed, of the whole Hungarian people. After the convention I spent +a week with the Contessa Iska Teleki in her chateau in the Tatra +Mountains, and a friendship was there formed which ever since has been +a joy to me. Together we walked miles over the mountains and along +the banks of wonderful streams, while the countess, who knows all the +folk-lore of her land, told me stories and answered my innumerable +questions. When I left for Vienna I took with me a basket of tiny +fir-trees from the tops of the Tatras; and after carrying the basket to +and around Vienna, Florence, and Genoa, I finally got the trees home +in good condition and proudly added them to the "Forest of Arden" on my +place at Moylan. + + + + +XVII. VALE! + +In looking back over the ten years of my administration as president +of the National American Woman Suffrage Association, there can be no +feeling but gratitude and elation over the growth of the work. Our +membership has grown from 17,000 women to more than 200,000, and the +number of auxiliary societies has increased in proportion. + +Instead of the old-time experience of one campaign in ten years, we +now have from five to ten campaigns each year. From an original yearly +expenditure of $14,000 or $15,000 in our campaign work, we now expend +from $40,000 to $50,000. In New York, in 1915, we have already received +pledges of $150,000 for the New York State campaign alone, while +Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and New Jersey have made pledges in +proportion. + +In 1906 full suffrage prevailed in four states; we now have it in +twelve. Our movement has advanced from its academic stage until it +has become a vital political factor; no reform in the country is more +heralded by the press or receives more attention from the public. It has +become an issue which engages the attention of the entire nation--and +toward this result every woman working for the Cause has contributed to +an inspiring degree. Splendid team-work, and that alone, has made +our present success possible and our eventual triumph in every state +inevitable. Every officer in our organization, every leader in our +campaigns, every speaker, every worker in the ranks, however humble, has +done her share. + +I do not claim anything so fantastic and Utopian as universal harmony +among us. We have had our troubles and our differences. I have had mine. +At every annual convention since the one at Washington in 1910 there has +been an effort to depose me from the presidency. There have been some +splendid fighters among my opponents--fine and high-minded women who +sincerely believe that at sixty-eight I am getting too old for my big +job. Possibly I am. Certainly I shall resign it with alacrity when the +majority of women in the organization wish me to do so. At present a +large majority proves annually that it still has faith in my leadership, +and with this assurance I am content to work on. + +Looking back over the period covered by these reminiscences, I realize +that there is truth in the grave charge that I am no longer young; and +this truth was once voiced by one of my little nieces in a way that +brought it strongly home to me. She and her small sister of six had +declared themselves suffragettes, and as the first result of their +conversion to the Cause both had been laughed at by their schoolmates. +The younger child came home after this tragic experience, weeping +bitterly and declaring that she did not wish to be a suffragette any +more--an exhibition of apostasy for which her wise sister of eight took +her roundly to task. + +"Aren't you ashamed of yourself," she demanded, "to stop just because +you have been laughed at once? Look at Aunt Anna! SHE has been laughed +at for hundreds of years!" + +I sometimes feel that it has indeed been hundreds of years since my work +began; and then again it seems so brief a time that, by listening for +a moment, I fancy I can hear the echo of my childish-voice preaching to +the trees in the Michigan woods. + +But long or short, the one sure thing is that, taking it all in all, the +struggles, the discouragements, the failures, and the little victories, +the fight has been, as Susan B. Anthony said in her last hours, "worth +while." Nothing bigger can come to a human being than to love a great +Cause more than life itself, and to have the privilege throughout life +of working for that Cause. + +As for life's other gifts, I have had some of them, too. I have made +many friendships; I have looked upon the beauty of many lands; I have +the assurance of the respect and affection of thousands of men and women +I have never even met. Though I have given all I had, I have received a +thousand times more than I have given. Neither the world nor my Cause is +indebted to me but from the depths of a full and very grateful heart I +acknowledge my lasting indebtedness to them both. + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Story of a Pioneer, by Anna Howard Shaw + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE STORY OF A PIONEER *** + +***** This file should be named 354.txt or 354.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/354/ + +Produced by Mike Lough + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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