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diff --git a/old/stpio10.txt b/old/stpio10.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..864565b --- /dev/null +++ b/old/stpio10.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11436 @@ +*****The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Story of a Pioneer***** +by Anna Howard Shaw [Another in our Women's Suffrage Series] + +In honor of the birthday of Elizabeth Cady Stanton, November 12. + +Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check +the copyright laws for your country before posting these files! + +Please take a look at the important information in this header. +We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an +electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* + +Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and +further information is included below. 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FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* + + + +donated by Caere Corporation, 1-800-535-7226. +Contact Mike Lough <Mikel@caere.com> + + +THE STORY OF +A PIONEER + +BY +ANNA HOWARD SHAW, D.D., M.D. + +WITH THE COLLABORATION OF +ELIZABETH JORDAN + + + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER +---- + + +TO +THE WOMEN PIONEERS +OF AMERICA + + They cut a path through tangled underwood + Of old traditions, out to broader ways. + They lived to here their work called brave and good, + But oh! the thorns before the crown of bays. + The world gives lashes to its Pioneers + Until the goal is reached--then deafening cheers. + Adapted by ANNA HOWARD SHAW. + + +CONTENTS + + +I. FIRST MEMORIES + +II. IN THE WILDERNESS + +III. HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +IV. THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +V. SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +VI. CAPE COD MEMORIES + +VII. THE GREAT CAUSE + +VIII. DRAMA IN THE LECTURE FIELD + +IX. ``AUNT SUSAN'' + +X. THE PASSING OF ``AUNT SUSAN'' + +XI. THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +XII. BUILDING A HOME + +XIII. PRESIDENT OF ``THE NATIONAL'' + +XIV. RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +XV. CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +XVI. COUNCIL EPISODES + +XVII. VALE! + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW IN HER PULPIT ROBES + +LOCH-AN-EILAN CASTLE + +DR SHAW'S MOTHER, NICOLAS SHAW, AT SEVENTEEN + +ALNWICK CASTLE + +DR. SHAW AT THIRTY-TWO + +DR. SHAW AT FIFTY + +DR. SHAW AND ``HER BABY''--THE DAUGHTER OF RACHEL FOSTER AVERY + +DR. SHAW'S MOTHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S FATHER AT EIGHTY + +DR. SHAW'S SISTER MARY, WHO DIED IN 1883 + +LUCY E. ANTHONY, DR. SHAW S FRIEND AND ``AUNT SUSAN'S'' + FAVORITE NIECE + +THE WOOD ROAD NEAR DR. SHAW'S CAPE COD HOME, THE HAVEN + +DR. SHAW'S COTTAGE, THE HAVEN, AT WIANNO, CAPE + COD--THE FIRST HOME SHE BUILT + +GATE ENTRANCE TO DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +THE SECOND HOUSE THAT DR. SHAW BUILT + +SUSAN B. ANTHONY + +MISS MARY GARRETT, THE LIFE-LONG FRIEND OF MISS THOMAS + +MISS M. CAREY THOMAS, PRESIDENT OF BRYN MAWR COLLEGE + +ELIZABETH CADY STANTON + +CARRIE CHAPMAN CATT + +LUCY STONE + +MARY A. LIVERMORE + +FOUR PIONEERS IN THE SUFFRAGE MOVEMENT + +FIREPLACE IN THE LIVING-ROOM, SHOWING AUNT + SUSAN'S'' CHAIR + +HALLWAY IN DR. SHAW'S HOME AT MOYLAN + +DR. SHAW'S HOME (ALNWICK LODGE) AND HER TWO OAKS + +THE VERANDA AT ALNWICK LODGE + +SACCAWAGEA + +ALNWICK LODGE, DR. SHAW'S HOME + +THE ROCK-BORDERED BROOK WHICH DR. SHAW LOVES + + +THE STORY OF A PIONEER + +FIRST MEMORIES + +My father's ancestors were the Shaws of +Rothiemurchus, in Scotland, and the ruins +of their castle may still be seen on the island of +Loch-an-Eilan, in the northern Highlands. It was +never the picturesque castle of song and story, this +home of the fighting Shaws, but an austere fortress, +probably built in Roman times; and even to-day +the crumbling walls which alone are left of it show +traces of the relentless assaults upon them. Of +these the last and the most successful were made +in the seventeenth century by the Grants and +Rob Roy; and it was into the hands of the Grants +that the Shaw fortress finally fell, about 1700, after +almost a hundred years of ceaseless warfare. + +It gives me no pleasure to read the grisly details +of their struggles, but I confess to a certain satisfac- +tion in the knowledge that my ancestors made a +good showing in the defense of what was theirs. +Beyond doubt they were brave fighters and strong +men. There were other sides to their natures, +however, which the high lights of history throw up +less appealingly. As an instance, we have in the +family chronicles the blood-stained page of Allen +Shaw, the oldest son of the last Lady Shaw who +lived in the fortress. It appears that when the +father of this young man died, about 1560, his +mother married again, to the intense disapproval +of her son. For some time after the marriage he +made no open revolt against the new-comer in the +domestic circle; but finally, on the pretext that +his dog had been attacked by his stepfather, he +forced a quarrel with the older man and the two +fought a duel with swords, after which the vic- +torious Allen showed a sad lack of chivalry. He +not only killed his stepfather, but he cut off that +gentleman's head and bore it to his mother in her bed- +chamber--an action which was considered, even in +that tolerant age, to be carrying filial resentment +too far. + +Probably Allen regretted it. Certainly he paid +a high penalty for it, and his clan suffered with him. +He was outlawed and fled, only to be hunted down +for months, and finally captured and executed by +one of the Grants, who, in further virtuous disap- +proval of Allen's act, seized and held the Shaw +stronghold. The other Shaws of the clan fought +long and ably for its recovery, but though they were +helped by their kinsmen, the Mackintoshes, and +though good Scotch blood dyed the gray walls of +the fortress for many generations, the castle never +again came into the hands of the Shaws. It still +entails certain obligations for the Grants, however, +and one of these is to give the King of England a +snowball whenever he visits Loch-an-Eilan! + +As the years passed the Shaw clan scattered. +Many Shaws are still to be found in the Mackintosh +country and throughout southern Scotland. Others +went to England, and it was from this latter branch +that my father sprang. His name was Thomas +Shaw, and he was the younger son of a gentleman--a +word which in those days seemed to define a man +who devoted his time largely to gambling and horse- +racing. My grandfather, like his father before him, +was true to the traditions of his time and class. +Quite naturally and simply he squandered all he had, +and died abruptly, leaving his wife and two sons +penniless. They were not, however, a helpless band. +They, too, had their traditions, handed down by +the fighting Shaws. Peter, the older son, became a +soldier, and died bravely in the Crimean War. My +father, through some outside influence, turned his +attention to trade, learning to stain and emboss wall- +paper by hand, and developing this work until he +became the recognized expert in his field. Indeed, +he progressed until he himself checked his rise by +inventing a machine that made his handwork un- +necessary. His employer at once claimed and +utilized this invention, to which, by the laws of +those days, he was entitled, and thus the corner- +stone on which my father had expected to build a +fortune proved the rock on which his career was +wrecked. But that was years later, in America, and +many other things had happened first. + +For one, he had temporarily dropped his trade +and gone into the flour-and-grain business; and, +for another, he had married my mother. She was +the daughter of a Scotch couple who had come to +England and settled in Alnwick, in Northumberland +County. Her father, James Stott, was the driver +of the royal-mail stage between Alnwick and New- +castle, and his accidental death while he was still a +young man left my grandmother and her eight +children almost destitute. She was immediately +given a position in the castle of the Duke of Nor- +thumberland, and her sons were educated in the +duke's school, while her daughters were entered in +the school of the duchess. + +My thoughts dwell lovingly on this grandmother, +Nicolas Grant Stott, for she was a remarkable +woman, with a dauntless soul and progressive ideas +far in advance of her time. She was one of the first +Unitarians in England, and years before any thought +of woman suffrage entered the minds of her country- +women she refused to pay tithes to the support of +the Church of England--an action which precipitated +a long-drawn-out conflict between her and the law. +In those days it was customary to assess tithes on +every pane of glass in a window, and a portion of the +money thus collected went to the support of the +Church. Year after year my intrepid grandmother +refused to pay these assessments, and year after +year she sat pensively upon her door-step, watching +articles of her furniture being sold for money to pay +her tithes. It must have been an impressive picture, +and it was one with which the community became +thoroughly familiar, as the determined old lady +never won her fight and never abandoned it. She +had at least the comfort of public sympathy, for she +was by far the most popular woman in the country- +side. Her neighbors admired her courage; perhaps +they appreciated still more what she did for them, +for she spent all her leisure in the homes of the very +poor, mending their clothing and teaching them to +sew. Also, she left behind her a path of cleanliness +as definite as the line of foam that follows a ship; +for it soon became known among her protegees that +Nicolas Stott was as much opposed to dirt as she +was to the payment of tithes. + +She kept her children in the schools of the duke and +duchess until they had completed the entire course +open to them. A hundred times, and among many +new scenes and strange people, I have heard my +mother describe her own experiences as a pupil. +All the children of the dependents of the castle were +expected to leave school at fourteen years of age. +During their course they were not allowed to study +geography, because, in the sage opinion of their elders, +knowledge of foreign lands might make them dis- +contented and inclined to wander. Neither was com- +position encouraged--that might lead to the writing +of love-notes! But they were permitted to absorb +all the reading and arithmetic their little brains +could hold, while the art of sewing was not only +encouraged, but proficiency in it was stimulated by +the award of prizes. My mother, being a rather pre- +cocious young person, graduated at thirteen and +carried off the first prize. The garment she made +was a linen chemise for the duchess, and the little +needlewoman had embroidered on it, with her own +hair, the august lady's coat of arms. The offering +must have been appreciated, for my mother's story +always ended with the same words, uttered with the +same air of gentle pride, ``And the duchess gave me +with her own hands my Bible and my mug of beer!'' +She never saw anything amusing in this association +of gifts, and I always stood behind her when she told +the incident, that she might not see the disrespectful +mirth it aroused in me. + +My father and mother met in Alnwick, and were +married in February, 1835. Ten years after his +marriage father was forced into bankruptcy by the +passage of the corn law, and to meet the obliga- +tions attending his failure he and my mother +sold practically everything they possessed--their +home, even their furniture. Their little sons, who +were away at school, were brought home, and +the family expenses were cut down to the barest +margin; but all these sacrifices paid only part of the +debts. My mother, finding that her early gift had +a market value, took in sewing. Father went to +work on a small salary, and both my parents saved +every penny they could lay aside, with the desperate +determination to pay their remaining debts. It was a +long struggle and a painful one, but they finally won +it. Before they had done so, however, and during their +bleakest days, their baby died, and my mother, like +her mother before her, paid the penalty of being +outside the fold of the Church of England. She, +too, was a Unitarian, and her baby, therefore, could +not be laid in any consecrated burial-ground in her +neighborhood. She had either to bury it in the +Potter's Field, with criminals, suicides, and paupers, +or to take it by stage-coach to Alnwick, twenty +miles away, and leave it in the little Unitarian church- +yard where, after her strenuous life, Nicolas Stott +now lay in peace. She made the dreary journey +alone, with the dear burden across her lap. + +In 1846, my parents went to London. There +they did not linger long, for the big, indifferent city +had nothing to offer them. They moved to New- +castle-on-Tyne, and here I was born, on the four- +teenth day of February, in 1847. Three boys and +two girls had preceded me in the family circle, and +when I was two years old my younger sister came. +We were little better off in Newcastle than in +London, and now my father began to dream the +great dream of those days. He would go to America. +Surely, he felt, in that land of infinite promise all +would be well with him and his. He waited for the +final payment of his debts and for my younger +sister's birth. Then he bade us good-by and sailed +away to make an American home for us; and in +the spring of 1851 my mother followed him with her +six children, starting from Liverpool in a sailing- +vessel, the John Jacob Westervelt. + +I was then little more than four years old, and the +first vivid memory I have is that of being on ship- +board and having a mighty wave roll over me. I was +lying on what seemed to be an enormous red box +under a hatchway, and the water poured from above, +almost drowning me. This was the beginning of a +storm which raged for days, and I still have of it a +confused memory, a sort of nightmare, in which +strange horrors figure, and which to this day haunts +me at intervals when I am on the sea. The thing +that stands out most strongly during that period is +the white face of my mother, ill in her berth. We +were with five hundred emigrants on the lowest +deck of the ship but one, and as the storm grew +wilder an unreasoning terror filled our fellow-pas- +sengers. Too ill to protect her helpless brood, my +mother saw us carried away from her for hours at a +time, on the crests of waves of panic that sometimes +approached her and sometimes receded, as they +swept through the black hole in which we found our- +selves when the hatches were nailed down. No mad- +house, I am sure, could throw more hideous pictures +on the screen of life than those which met our childish +eyes during the appalling three days of the storm. +Our one comfort was the knowledge that our mother +was not afraid. She was desperately ill, but when +we were able to reach her, to cling close to her for a +blessed interval, she was still the sure refuge she had +always been. + +On the second day the masts went down, and on +the third day the disabled ship, which now had +sprung a leak and was rolling helplessly in the +trough of the sea, was rescued by another ship and +towed back to Queenstown, the nearest port. The +passengers, relieved of their anxieties, went from +their extreme of fear to an equal extreme of drunken +celebration. They laughed, sang, and danced, but +when we reached the shore many of them returned +to the homes they had left, declaring that they had +had enough of the ocean. We, however, remained +on the ship until she was repaired, and then sailed +on her again. We were too poor to return home; +indeed, we had no home to which we could return. +We were even too poor to live ashore. But we made +some penny excursions in the little boats that plied +back and forth, and to us children at least the weeks +of waiting were not without interest. Among other +places we visited Spike Island, where the convicts +were, and for hours we watched the dreary shuttle +of labor swing back and forth as the convicts car- +ried pails of water from one side of the island, only +to empty them into the sea at the other side. It +was merely ``busy work,'' to keep them occupied +at hard labor; but even then I must have felt some +dim sense of the irony of it, for I have remembered +it vividly all these years. + +Our second voyage on the John Jacob Westervelt +was a very different experience from the first. By +day a glorious sun shone overhead; by night we had +the moon and stars, as well as the racing waves we +never wearied of watching. For some reason, prob- +ably because of my intense admiration for them, +which I showed with unmaidenly frankness, I be- +came the special pet of the sailors. They taught me +to sing their songs as they hauled on their ropes, +and I recall, as if I had learned it yesterday, one +pleasing ditty: + Haul on the bow-line, + Kitty is my darling, + Haul on the bow-line, + The bow-line--HAUL! + +When I sang ``haul'' all the sailors pulled their +hardest, and I had an exhilarating sense of sharing +in their labors. As a return for my service of song +the men kept my little apron full of ship sugar-- +very black stuff and probably very bad for me; but +I ate an astonishing amount of it during that voy- +age, and, so far as I remember, felt no ill effects. + +The next thing I recall is being seriously scalded. +I was at the foot of a ladder up which a sailor was +carrying a great pot of hot coffee. He slipped, and +the boiling liquid poured down on me. I must +have had some bad days after that, for I was ter- +ribly burned, but they are mercifully vague. My +next vivid impression is of seeing land, which we +sighted at sunset, and I remember very distinctly +just how it looked. It has never looked the same +since. The western sky was a mass of crimson and +gold clouds, which took on the shapes of strange and +beautiful things. To me it seemed that we were +entering heaven. I remember also the doctors com- +ing on board to examine us, and I can still see a line +of big Irishmen standing very straight and holding +out their tongues for inspection. To a little girl +only four years old their huge, open mouths looked +appalling. + +On landing a grievous disappointment awaited +us; my father did not meet us. He was in New +Bedford, Massachusetts, nursing his grief and pre- +paring to return to England, for he had been told +that the John Jacob Westervelt had been lost at sea +with every soul on board. One of the missionaries +who met the ship took us under his wing and con- +ducted us to a little hotel, where we remained +until father had received his incredible news and +rushed to New York. He could hardly believe that +we were really restored to him; and even now, +through the mists of more than half a century, I can +still see the expression in his wet eyes as he picked +me up and tossed me into the air. + +I can see, too, the toys he brought me--a little +saw and a hatchet, which became the dearest treas- +ures of my childish days. They were fatidical +gifts, that saw and hatchet; in the years ahead of +me I was to use tools as well as my brothers did, +as I proved when I helped to build our frontier +home. + +We went to New Bedford with father, who had +found work there at his old trade; and here I laid +the foundations of my first childhood friendship, +not with another child, but with my next-door +neighbor, a ship-builder. Morning after morning +this man swung me on his big shoulder and took me +to his shipyard, where my hatchet and saw had vio- +lent exercise as I imitated the workers around me. +Discovering that my tiny petticoats were in my way, +my new friend had a little boy's suit made for me; +and thus emancipated, at this tender age, I worked +unwearyingly at his side all day long and day after +day. No doubt it was due to him that I did not +casually saw off a few of my toes and fingers. Cer- +tainly I smashed them often enough with blows of +my dull but active hatchet. I was very, very busy; +and I have always maintained that I began to earn +my share of the family's living at the age of five-- +for in return for the delights of my society, which +seemed never to pall upon him, my new friend al- +lowed my brothers to carry home from the ship- +yard all the wood my mother could use. + +We remained in New Bedford less than a year, +for in the spring of 1852 my father made another +change, taking his family to Lawrence, Massa- +chusetts, where we lived until 1859. The years in +Lawrence were interesting and formative ones. At +the tender age of nine and ten I became interested +in the Abolition movement. We were Unitarians, +and General Oliver and many of the prominent citi- +zens of Lawrence belonged to the Unitarian Church. +We knew Robert Shaw, who led the first negro regi- +ment, and Judge Storrow, one of the leading New +England judges of his time, as well as the Cabots +and George A. Walton, who was the author of +Walton's Arithmetic and head of the Lawrence +schools. Outbursts of war talk thrilled me, and +occasionally I had a little adventure of my own, as +when one day, in visiting our cellar, I heard a noise +in the coal-bin. I investigated and discovered a +negro woman concealed there. I had been reading +Uncle Tom's Cabin, as well as listening to the +conversation of my elders, so I was vastly stirred +over the negro question. I raced up-stairs in a +condition of awe-struck and quivering excitement, +which my mother promptly suppressed by sending +me to bed. No doubt she questioned my youthful +discretion, for she almost convinced me that I had +seen nothing at all--almost, but not quite; and she +wisely kept me close to her for several days, until +the escaped slave my father was hiding was safely +out of the house and away. Discovery of this seri- +ous offense might have borne grave results for him. + +It was in Lawrence, too, that I received and spent +my first twenty-five cents. I used an entire day in +doing this, and the occasion was one of the most +delightful and memorable of my life. It was the +Fourth of July, and I was dressed in white and rode +in a procession. My sister Mary, who also graced +the procession, had also been given twenty-five +cents; and during the parade, when, for obvious +reasons, we were unable to break ranks and spend +our wealth, the consciousness of it lay heavily upon +us. When we finally began our shopping the first +place we visited was a candy store, and I recall dis- +tinctly that we forced the weary proprietor to take +down and show us every jar in the place before we +spent one penny. The first banana I ever ate was +purchased that day, and I hesitated over it a long +time. Its cost was five cents, and in view of that +large expenditure, the eating of the fruit, I was +afraid, would be too brief a joy. I bought it, how- +ever, and the experience developed into a tragedy, +for, not knowing enough to peel the banana, I bit +through skin and pulp alike, as if I were eating an +apple, and then burst into ears of disappointment. +The beautiful conduct of my sister Mary shines +down through the years. She, wise child, had +taken no chances with the unknown; but now, +moved by my despair, she bought half of my banana, +and we divided the fruit, the loss, and the lesson. +Fate, moreover, had another turn of the screw for +us, for, after Mary had taken a bite of it, we gave +what was left of the banana to a boy who stood near +us and who knew how to eat it; and not even the +large amount of candy in our sticky hands enabled +us to regard with calmness the subsequent happiness +of that little boy. + +Another experience with fruit in Lawrence illus- +trates the ideas of my mother and the character of +the training she gave her children. Our neighbors, +the Cabots, were one day giving a great garden party, +and my sister was helping to pick strawberries for +the occasion. When I was going home from school +I passed the berry-patches and stopped to speak to +my sister, who at once presented me with two straw- +berries. She said Mrs. Cabot had told her to eat +all she wanted, but that she would eat two less than +she wanted and give those two to me. To my +mind, the suggestion was generous and proper; in +my life strawberries were rare. I ate one berry, +and then, overcome by an ambition to be generous +also, took the other berry home to my mother, tell- +ing her how I had got it. To my chagrin, mother +was deeply shocked. She told me that the trans- +action was all wrong, and she made me take back +the berry and explain the matter to Mrs. Cabot. +By the time I reached that generous lady the berry +was the worse for its journey, and so was I. I was +only nine years old and very sensitive. It was clear +to me that I could hardly live through the humilia- +tion of the confession, and it was indeed a bitter +experience the worst, I think, in my young life, +though Mrs. Cabot was both sympathetic and +understanding. She kissed me, and sent a quart +of strawberries to my mother; but for a long time +afterward I could not meet her kind eyes, for I be- +lieved that in her heart she thought me a thief. + +My second friendship, and one which had a strong +influence on my after-life, was formed in Lawrence. +I was not more than ten years old when I met this +new friend, but the memory of her in after-years, +and the impression she had made on my susceptible +young mind, led me first into the ministry, next into +medicine, and finally into suffrage-work. Living +next door to us, on Prospect Hill, was a beautiful +and mysterious woman. All we children knew of +her was that she was a vivid and romantic figure, +who seemed to have no friends and of whom our +elders spoke in whispers or not at all. To me she +was a princess in a fairy-tale, for she rode a white +horse and wore a blue velvet riding-habit with a +blue velvet hat and a picturesquely drooping white +plume. I soon learned at what hours she went +forth to ride, and I used to hover around our gate +for the joy of seeing her mount and gallop away. +I realized that there was something unusual about +her house, and I had an idea that the prince was +waiting for her somewhere in the far distance, and +that for the time at least she had escaped the ogre +in the castle she left behind. I was wrong about +the prince, but right about the ogre. It was only +when my unhappy lady left her castle that she was +free. + +Very soon she noticed me. Possibly she saw the +adoration in my childish eyes. She began to nod +and smile at me, and then to speak to me, but at +first I was almost afraid to answer her. There were +stories now among the children that the house was +haunted, and that by night a ghost walked there and +in the grounds. I felt an extraordinary interest in +the ghost, and I spent hours peering through our +picket fence, trying to catch a glimpse of it; but I +hesitated to be on terms of neighborly intimacy with +one who dwelt with ghosts. + +One day the mysterious lady bent and kissed me. +Then, straightening up, she looked at me queerly +and said: ``Go and tell your mother I did that.'' +There was something very compelling in her manner. +I knew at once that I must tell my mother what she +had done, and I ran into our house and did so. +While my mother was considering the problem the +situation presented, for she knew the character of +the house next door, a note was handed in to her-- +a very pathetic little note from my mysterious lady, +asking my mother to let me come and see her. Long +afterward mother showed it to me. It ended with +the words: ``She will see no one but me. No harm +shall come to her. Trust me.'' + +That night my parents talked the matter over and +decided to let me go. Probably they felt that the +slave next door was as much to be pitied as the es- +caped-negro slaves they so often harbored in our +home. I made my visit, which was the first of many, +and a strange friendship began and developed be- +tween the woman of the town and the little girl she +loved. Some of those visits I remember as vividly +as if I had made them yesterday. There was never +the slightest suggestion during any of them of things +I should not see or hear, for while I was with her +my hostess became a child again, and we played +together like children. She had wonderful toys for +me, and pictures and books; but the thing I loved +best of all and played with for hours was a little +stuffed hen which she told me had been her dearest +treasure when she was a child at home. She had +also a stuffed puppy, and she once mentioned that +those two things alone were left of her life as +a little girl. Besides the toys and books and pic- +tures, she gave me ice-cream and cake, and told me +fairy-tales. She had a wonderful understanding of +what a child likes. There were half a dozen women +in the house with her, but I saw none of them nor +any of the men who came. + +Once, when we had become very good friends +indeed and my early shyness had departed, I +found courage to ask her where the ghost was-- +the ghost that haunted her house. I can still see +the look in her eyes as they met mine. She told +me the ghost lived in her heart, and that she did +not like to talk about it, and that we must not +speak of it again. After that I never mentioned it, +but I was more deeply interested than ever, for a +ghost that lived in a heart was a new kind of ghost +to me at that time, though I have met many of +them since then. During all our intercourse my +mother never entered the house next door, nor did +my mysterious lady enter our home; but she con- +stantly sent my mother secret gifts for the poor and +the sick of the neighborhood, and she was always +the first to offer help for those who were in trouble. +Many years afterward mother told me she was the +most generous woman she had ever known, and +that she had a rarely beautiful nature. Our depart- +ure for Michigan broke up the friendship, but I have +never forgotten her; and whenever, in my later +work as minister, physician, and suffragist, I have +been able to help women of the class to which she +belonged, I have mentally offered that help for credit +in the tragic ledger of her life, in which the clean and +the blotted pages were so strange a contrast. + +One more incident of Lawrence I must describe +before I leave that city behind me, as we left it for +ever in 1859. While we were still there a number of +Lawrence men decided to go West, and amid great +public excitement they departed in a body for Kansas, +where they founded the town of Lawrence in that +state. I recall distinctly the public interest which +attended their going, and the feeling every one +seemed to have that they were passing forever out +of the civilized world. Their farewells to their +friends were eternal; no one expected to see them +again, and my small brain grew dizzy as I tried to +imagine a place so remote as their destination. It +was, I finally decided, at the uttermost ends of the +earth, and it seemed quite possible that the brave +adventurers who reached it might then drop off into +space. Fifty years later I was talking to a Cali- +fornia girl who complained lightly of the monotony +of a climate where the sun shone and the flowers +bloomed all the year around. ``But I had a de- +lightful change last year,'' she added, with anima- +tion. ``I went East for the winter.'' + +``To New York?'' I asked. + +``No,'' corrected the California girl, easily, ``to +Lawrence, Kansas.'' + +Nothing, I think, has ever made me feel quite so +old as that remark. That in my life, not yet, to me +at least, a long one, I should see such an arc de- +scribed seemed actually oppressive until I realized +that, after all, the arc was merely a rainbow of time +showing how gloriously realized were the hopes of +the Lawrence pioneers. + +The move to Michigan meant a complete up- +heaval in our lives. In Lawrence we had around us +the fine flower of New England civilization. We +children went to school; our parents, though they +were in very humble circumstances, were associated +with the leading spirits and the big movements of +the day. When we went to Michigan we went to +the wilderness, to the wild pioneer life of those times, +and we were all old enough to keenly feel the change. + +My father was one of a number of Englishmen who +took up tracts in the northern forests of Michigan, +with the old dream of establishing a colony there. +None of these men had the least practical knowledge +of farming. They were city men or followers of +trades which had no connection with farm life. +They went straight into the thick timber-land, in- +stead of going to the rich and waiting prairies, and +they crowned this initial mistake by cutting down +the splendid timber instead of letting it stand. +Thus bird's-eye maple and other beautiful woods +were used as fire-wood and in the construction of +rude cabins, and the greatest asset of the pioneers +was ignored. + +Father preceded us to the Michigan woods, and +there, with his oldest son, James, took up a claim. +They cleared a space in the wilderness just large +enough for a log cabin, and put up the bare walls +of the cabin itself. Then father returned to Law- +rence and his work, leaving James behind. A few +months later (this was in 1859), my mother, my two +sisters, Eleanor and Mary, my youngest brother, +Henry, eight years of age, and I, then twelve, went +to Michigan to work on and hold down the claim +while father, for eighteen months longer, stayed on +in Lawrence, sending us such remittances as he could. +His second and third sons, John and Thomas, re- +mained in the East with him. + +Every detail of our journey through the wilder- +ness is clear in my mind. At that time the railroad +terminated at Grand Rapids, Michigan, and we +covered the remaining distance--about one hundred +miles--by wagon, riding through a dense and often +trackless forest. My brother James met us at +Grand Rapids with what, in those days, was called +a lumber-wagon, but which had a horrible resem- +blance to a vehicle from the health department. +My sisters and I gave it one cold look and turned +from it; we were so pained by its appearance that +we refused to ride in it through the town. Instead, +we started off on foot, trying to look as if we had no +association with it, and we climbed into the un- +wieldy vehicle only when the city streets were far +behind us. Every available inch of space in the +wagon was filled with bedding and provisions. As +yet we had no furniture; we were to make that for +ourselves when we reached our cabin; and there +was so little room for us to ride that we children +walked by turns, while James, from the beginning +of the journey to its end, seven days later, led our +weary horses. + +To my mother, who was never strong, the whole +experience must have been a nightmare of suffering +and stoical endurance. For us children there were +compensations. The expedition took on the char- +acter of a high adventure, in which we sometimes +had shelter and sometimes failed to find it, some- +times were fed, but often went hungry. We forded +innumerable streams, the wheels of the heavy wagon +sinking so deeply into the stream-beds that we often +had to empty our load before we could get them out +again. Fallen trees lay across our paths, rivers +caused long detours, while again and again we lost +our way or were turned aside by impenetrable forest +tangles. + +Our first day's journey covered less than eight +miles, and that night we stopped at a farm-house +which was the last bit of civilization we saw. Early +the next morning we were off again, making the slow +progress due to the rough roads and our heavy load. +At night we stopped at a place called Thomas's +Inn, only to be told by the woman who kept it that +there was nothing in the house to eat. Her hus- +band, she said, had gone ``outside'' (to Grand +Rapids) to get some flour, and had not returned-- +but she added that we could spend the night, if +we chose, and enjoy shelter, if not food. We had +provisions in our wagon, so we wearily entered, after +my brother had got out some of our pork and +opened a barrel of flour. With this help the woman +made some biscuits, which were so green that my +poor mother could not eat them. She had admitted +to us that the one thing she had in the house was +saleratus, and she had used this ingredient with an +unsparing hand. When the meal was eaten she +broke the further news that there were no beds. + +``The old woman can sleep with me,'' she sug- +gested, ``and the girls can sleep on the floor. The +boys will have to go to the barn.'' +She and her bed were not especially attractive, +and mother decided to lie on the floor with us. We +had taken our bedding from the wagon, and we slept +very well; but though she was usually superior to +small annoyances, I think my mother resented being +called an ``old woman.'' She must have felt like +one that night, but she was only about forty-eight +years of age. + +At dawn the next morning we resumed our jour- +ney, and every day after that we were able to cover +the distance demanded by the schedule arranged +before we started. This meant that some sort of +shelter usually awaited us at night. But one day +we knew there would be no houses between the place +we left in the morning and that where we were to +sleep. The distance was about twenty miles, and +when twilight fell we had not made it. In the back +of the wagon my mother had a box of little pigs, +and during the afternoon these had broken loose and +escaped into the woods. We had lost much time in +finding them, and we were so exhausted that when +we came to a hut made of twigs and boughs we de- +cided to camp in it for the night, though we knew +nothing about it. My brother had unharnessed +the horses, and my mother and sister were cooking +dough-god--a mixture of flour, water, and soda, +fried in a pan-when two men rode up on horse- +back and called my brother to one side. Immedi- +ately after the talk which followed James harnessed +his horses again and forced us to go on, though by +that time darkness had fallen. He told mother, but +did not tell us children until long afterward, that a +man had been murdered in the hut only the night +before. The murderer was still at large in the woods, +and the new-comers were members of a posse who +were searching for him. My brother needed no +urging to put as many miles as he could between +us and the sinister spot. + +In that fashion we made our way to our new home. +The last day, like the first, we traveled only eight +miles, but we spent the night in a house I shall never +forget. It was beautifully clean, and for our eve- +ning meal its mistress brought out loaves of bread +which were the largest we had ever seen. She cut +great slices of this bread for us and spread maple +sugar on them, and it seemed to us that never be- +fore had anything tasted so good. + +The next morning we made the last stage of our +journey, our hearts filled with the joy of nearing +our new home. We all had an idea that we were +going to a farm, and we expected some resemblance +at least to the prosperous farms we had seen in New +England. My mother's mental picture was, natu- +rally, of an English farm. Possibly she had visions +of red barns and deep meadows, sunny skies and +daisies. What we found awaiting us were the four +walls and the roof of a good-sized log-house, stand- +ing in a small cleared strip of the wilderness, its doors +and windows represented by square holes, its floor +also a thing of the future, its whole effect achingly +forlorn and desolate. It was late in the afternoon +when we drove up to the opening that was its front +entrance, and I shall never forget the look my +mother turned upon the place. Without a word +she crossed its threshold, and, standing very still, +looked slowly around her. Then something within +her seemed to give way, and she sank upon the +ground. She could not realize even then, I think, +that this was really the place father had prepared +for us, that here he expected us to live. When she +finally took it in she buried her face in her hands, +and in that way she sat for hours without moving or +speaking. For the first time in her life she had for- +gotten us; and we, for our part, dared not speak to +her. We stood around her in a frightened group, +talking to one another in whispers. Our little world +had crumbled under our feet. Never before had +we seen our mother give way to despair. + +Night began to fall. The woods became alive +with night creatures, and the most harmless made +the most noise. The owls began to hoot, and soon +we heard the wildcat, whose cry--a screech like +that of a lost and panic-stricken child--is one of +the most appalling sounds of the forest. Later the +wolves added their howls to the uproar, but though +darkness came and we children whimpered around +her, our mother still sat in her strange lethargy. + +At last my brother brought the horses close to the +cabin and built fires to protect them and us. He +was only twenty, but he showed himself a man dur- +ing those early pioneer days. While he was picketing +the horses and building his protecting fires my +mother came to herself, but her face when she +raised it was worse than her silence had been. She +seemed to have died and to have returned to us +from the grave, and I am sure she felt that she had +done so. From that moment she took up again the +burden of her life, a burden she did not lay down +until she passed away; but her face never lost the +deep lines those first hours of her pioneer life had +cut upon it. + +That night we slept on boughs spread on the earth +inside the cabin walls, and we put blankets before +the holes which represented our doors and windows, +and kept our watch-fires burning. Soon the other +children fell asleep, but there was no sleep for me. +I was only twelve years old, but my mind was full of +fancies. Behind our blankets, swaying in the night +wind, I thought I saw the heads and pushing shoul- +ders of animals and heard their padded footfalls. +Later years brought familiarity with wild things, +and with worse things than they. But to-night that +which I most feared was within, not outside of, the +cabin. In some way which I did not understand +the one sure refuge in our new world had been taken +from us. I hardly knew the silent woman who lay +near me, tossing from side to side and staring into +the darkness; I felt that we had lost our mother. + + + +II + +IN THE WILDERNESS + +Like most men, my dear father should never +have married. Though his nature was one of +the sweetest I have ever known, and though he would +at any call give his time to or risk his life for others, +in practical matters he remained to the end of his +days as irresponsible as a child. If his mind turned +to practical details at all, it was solely in their bear- +ing toward great developments of the future. To +him an acorn was not an acorn, but a forest of young +oaks. + +Thus, when he took up his claim of three hundred +and sixty acres of land in the wilderness of northern +Michigan, and sent my mother and five young chil- +dren to live there alone until he could join us eighteen +months later, he gave no thought to the manner in +which we were to make the struggle and survive +the hardships before us. He had furnished us with +land and the four walls of a log cabin. Some day, +he reasoned, the place would be a fine estate, which +his sons would inherit and in the course of time pass +on to their sons--always an Englishman's most iri- +descent dream. That for the present we were one +hundred miles from a railroad, forty miles from the +nearest post-office, and half a dozen miles from any +neighbors save Indians, wolves, and wildcats; that +we were wholly unlearned in the ways of the woods +as well as in the most primitive methods of farming; +that we lacked not only every comfort, but even +the bare necessities of life; and that we must begin, +single-handed and untaught, a struggle for existence +in which some of the severest forces of nature would +be arrayed against us--these facts had no weight +in my father's mind. Even if he had witnessed my +mother's despair on the night of our arrival in our +new home, he would not have understood it. From +his viewpoint, he was doing a man's duty. He was +working steadily in Lawrence, and, incidentally, +giving much time to the Abolition cause and to +other big public movements of his day which had +his interest and sympathy. He wrote to us regu- +larly and sent us occasional remittances, as well as +a generous supply of improving literature for our +minds. It remained for us to strengthen our bodies, +to meet the conditions in which he had placed us, +and to survive if we could. + +We faced our situation with clear and unalarmed +eyes the morning after our arrival. The problem +of food, we knew, was at least temporarily solved. +We had brought with us enough coffee, pork, and +flour to last for several weeks; and the one necessity +father had put inside the cabin walls was a great +fireplace, made of mud and stones, in which our food +could be cooked. The problem of our water-supply +was less simple, but my brother James solved it for +the time by showing us a creek a long distance from +the house; and for months we carried from this +creek, in pails, every drop of water we used, save +that which we caught in troughs when the rain fell. + +We held a family council after breakfast, and in this, +though I was only twelve, I took an eager and determined +part. I loved work--it has always been my favorite form +of recreation--and my spirit rose to the opportunities of it +which smiled on us from every side. Obviously the first +thing to do was to put doors and windows into the +yawning holes father had left for them, and to lay a board +flooring over the earth inside our cabin walls, and these +duties we accomplished before we had occupied our new +home a fortnight. There was a small saw-mill nine miles +from our cabin, on the spot that is now Big Rapids, and +there we bought our lumber. The labor we supplied +ourselves, and though we put our hearts into it and the +results at the time seemed beautiful to our partial eyes, I +am forced to admit, in looking back upon them, that they +halted this side of perfection. We began by making three +windows and two doors; then, inspired by these +achievements, we ambitiously constructed an attic and +divided the ground floor with partitions, which gave us +four rooms. + +The general effect was temperamental and sketchy. +The boards which formed the floor were never even +nailed down; they were fine, wide planks without a knot in +them, and they looked so well that we merely fitted them +together as closely as we could and lightheartedly let them +go at that. Neither did we properly chink the house. +Nothing is more comfortable than a log cabin which has +been carefully built +and finished; but for some reason--probably because +there seemed always a more urgent duty calling to us +around the corner--we never plastered our house at all. +The result was that on many future winter mornings we +awoke to find ourselves chastely blanketed by snow, while +the only warm spot in our living-room was that directly in +front of the fireplace, where great logs burned all day. +Even there our faces scorched while our spines slowly +congealed, until we learned to revolve before the fire like a +bird upon a spit. No doubt we would have worked more +thoroughly if my brother James, who was twenty years +old and our tower of strength, had remained with us; but +when we had been in our new home only a few months he +fell and was forced to go East for an operation. He was +never able to return to us, and thus my mother, we three +young girls, and my youngest brother--Harry, who was +only eight years old--made our fight alone until father +came to us, more than a year later. + +Mother was practically an invalid. She had a nervous +affection which made it impossible for her to stand +without the support of a chair. But she sewed with +unusual skill, and it was due to her that our clothes, +notwithstanding the strain to which we subjected them, +were always in good condition. She sewed for hours every +day, and she was able to move about the house, after a +fashion, by pushing herself around on a stool which James +made for her as soon as we arrived. He also built for her a +more comfortable chair with a high back. + +The division of labor planned at the first council +was that mother should do our sewing, and my older +sisters, Eleanor and Mary, the housework, which +was far from taxing, for of course we lived in the +simplest manner. My brothers and I were to do +the work out of doors, an arrangement that suited +me very well, though at first, owing to our lack of +experience, our activities were somewhat curtailed. +It was too late in the season for plowing or planting, +even if we had possessed anything with which to +plow, and, moreover, our so-called ``cleared'' land +was thick with sturdy tree-stumps. Even during +the second summer plowing was impossible; we +could only plant potatoes and corn, and follow the +most primitive method in doing even this. We took +an ax, chopped up the sod, put the seed under it, +and let the seed grow. The seed did grow, too--in +the most gratifying and encouraging manner. Our +green corn and potatoes were the best I have ever +eaten. But for the present we lacked these luxuries. + +We had, however, in their place, large quantities +of wild fruit--gooseberries, raspberries, and plums +--which Harry and I gathered on the banks of our +creek. Harry also became an expert fisherman. +We had no hooks or lines, but he took wires from +our hoop-skirts and made snares at the ends of +poles. My part of this work was to stand on a log +and frighten the fish out of their holes by making +horrible sounds, which I did with impassioned +earnestness. When the fish hurried to the surface +of the water to investigate the appalling noises +they had heard, they were easily snared by our +small boy, who was very proud of his ability to +contribute in this way to the family table. + +During our first winter we lived largely on corn- +meal, making a little journey of twenty miles to the +nearest mill to buy it; but even at that we were +better off than our neighbors, for I remember one +family in our region who for an entire winter lived +solely on coarse-grained yellow turnips, gratefully +changing their diet to leeks when these came in the +spring. + +Such furniture as we had we made ourselves. In +addition to my mother's two chairs and the bunks +which took the place of beds, James made a settle +for the living-room, as well as a table and several +stools. At first we had our tree-cutting done for +us, but we soon became expert in this gentle art, +and I developed such skill that in later years, after +father came, I used to stand with him and ``heart'' +a log. + +On every side, and at every hour of the day, we +came up against the relentless limitations of pioneer +life. There was not a team of horses in our entire +region. The team with which my brother had +driven us through the wilderness had been hired +at Grand Rapids for that occasion, and, of course, +immediately returned. Our lumber was delivered +by ox-teams, and the absolutely essential purchases +we made ``outside'' (at the nearest shops, forty +miles away) were carried through the forest on the +backs of men. Our mail was delivered once a +month by a carrier who made the journey in alter- +nate stages of horseback riding and canoeing. But +we had health, youth, enthusiasm, good appetites, +and the wherewithal to satisfy them, and at night +in our primitive bunks we sank into abysses of dream- +less slumber such as I have never known since. +Indeed, looking back upon them, those first months +seem to have been a long-drawn-out and glorious +picnic, interrupted only by occasional hours of pain +or panic, when we were hurt or frightened. + +Naturally, our two greatest menaces were wild +animals and Indians, but as the days passed the first +of these lost the early terrors with which we had +associated them. We grew indifferent to the sounds +that had made our first night a horror to us all-- +there was even a certain homeliness in them--while +we regarded with accustomed, almost blase eyes the +various furred creatures of which we caught distant +glimpses as they slunk through the forest. Their +experience with other settlers had taught them cau- +tion; it soon became clear that they were as eager +to avoid us as we were to shun them, and by common +consent we gave each other ample elbow-room. +But the Indians were all around us, and every settler +had a collection of hair-raising tales to tell of them. +It was generally agreed that they were dangerous +only when they were drunk; but as they were drunk +whenever they could get whisky, and as whisky was +constantly given them in exchange for pelts and +game, there was a harrowing doubt in our minds +whenever they approached us. + +In my first encounter with them I was alone in +the woods at sunset with my small brother Harry. +We were hunting a cow James had bought, and our +young eyes were peering eagerly among the trees, +on the alert for any moving object. Suddenly, at +a little distance, and coming directly toward us, we +saw a party of Indians. There were five of them, +all men, walking in single file, as noiselessly as ghosts, +their moccasined feet causing not even a rustle +among the dry leaves that carpeted the woods. All +the horrible stories we had heard of Indian cruelty +flashed into our minds, and for a moment we were +dumb with terror. Then I remembered having been +told that the one thing one must not do before them +is to show fear. Harry was carrying a rope with +which we had expected to lead home our reluctant +cow, and I seized one end of it and whispered +to him that we would ``play horse,'' pretending he +was driving me. We pranced toward the Indians +on feet that felt like lead, and with eyes so glazed by +terror that we could see nothing save a line of moving +figures; but as we passed them they did not give +to our little impersonation of care-free children even +the tribute of a side-glance. They were, we realized, +headed straight for our home; and after a few mo- +ments we doubled on our tracks and, keeping at a +safe distance from them among the trees, ran back +to warn our mother that they were coming. + +As it happened, James was away, and mother had +to meet her unwelcome guests supported only by +her young children. She at once prepared a meal, +however, and when they arrived she welcomed them +calmly and gave them the best she had. After they +had eaten they began to point at and demand ob- +jects they fancied in the room--my brother's pipe, +some tobacco, a bowl, and such trifles--and my +mother, who was afraid to annoy them by refusal, +gave them what they asked. They were quite +sober, and though they left without expressing any +appreciation of her hospitality, they made her a +second visit a few months later, bringing a large +quantity of venison and a bag of cranberries as a +graceful return. These Indians were Ottawas; and +later we became very friendly with them and their +tribe, even to the degree of attending one of their +dances, which I shall describe later. + +Our second encounter with Indians was a less +agreeable experience. There were seven ``Mar- +quette warriors'' in the next group of callers, and +they were all intoxicated. Moreover, they had +brought with them several jugs of bad whisky-- +the raw and craze-provoking product supplied them +by the fur-dealers--and it was clear that our cabin +was to be the scene of an orgy. Fortunately, my +brother James was at home on this occasion, and +as the evening grew old and the Indians, grouped +together around the fire, became more and more ir- +responsible, he devised a plan for our safety. Our +attic was finished, and its sole entrance was by a +ladder through a trap-door. At James's whispered +command my sister Eleanor slipped up into the +attic, and from the back window let down a rope, +to which he tied all the weapons we had--his gun +and several axes. These Eleanor drew up and con- +cealed in one of the bunks. My brother then di- +rected that as quietly as possible, and at long in- +tervals, one member of the family after another was +to slip up the ladder and into the attic, going quite +casually, that the Indians might not realize what we +were doing. Once there, with the ladder drawn up +after us and the trap-door closed, we would be rea- +sonably safe, unless our guests decided to burn the +cabin. + +The evening seemed endless, and was certainly +nerve-racking. The Indians ate everything in the +house, and from my seat in a dim corner I watched +them while my sisters waited on them. I can still +see the tableau they made in the firelit room and +hear the unfamiliar accents of their speech as they +talked together. Occasionally one of them would +pull a hair from his head, seize his scalping-knife; +and cut the hair with it--a most unpleasant sight! +When either of my sisters approached them some +of the Indians would make gestures, as if capturing +and scalping her. Through it all, however, the +whisky held their close attention, and it was due to +this that we succeeded in reaching the attic unob- +served, James coming last of all and drawing the +ladder after him. Mother and the children were +then put to bed; but through that interminable +night James and Eleanor lay flat upon the floor, +watching through the cracks between the boards +the revels of the drunken Indians, which grew wild- +er with every hour that crawled toward sunrise. +There was no knowing when they would miss us +or how soon their mood might change. At any +moment they might make an attack upon us or +set fire to the cabin. By dawn, however, their +whisky was all gone, and they were in so deep a +stupor that, one after the other, the seven fell from +their chairs to the floor, where they sprawled un- +conscious. When they awoke they left quietly and +without trouble of any kind. They seemed a +strangely subdued and chastened band; probably +they were wretchedly ill after their debauch on the +adulterated whisky the traders had given them. + +That autumn the Ottawa tribe had a great corn +celebration, to which we and the other settlers were +invited. James and my older sisters attended it, +and I went with them, by my own urgent invita- +tion. It seemed to me that as I was sharing the +work and the perils of our new environment, I +might as well share its joys; and I finally succeeded +in making my family see the logic of this position. +The central feature of the festivity was a huge kettle, +many feet in circumference, into which the Indians +dropped the most extraordinary variety of food we +had ever seen combined. Deer heads went into it +whole, as well as every kind of meat and vegetable +the members of the tribe could procure. We all ate +some of this agreeable mixture, and later, with one +another, and even with the Indians, we danced gaily +to the music of a tom-tom and a drum. The affair +was extremely interesting until the whisky entered +and did its unpleasant work. When our hosts be- +gan to fall over in the dance and slumber where they +lay, and when the squaws began to show the same +ill effects of their refreshments, we unostentatiously +slipped away. + +During the winter life offered us few diversions +and many hardships. Our creek froze over, and the +water problem became a serious one, which we met +with increasing difficulty as the temperature steadily +fell. We melted snow and ice, and existed through +the frozen months, but with an amount of discom- +fort which made us unwilling to repeat at least that +special phase of our experience. In the spring, +therefore, I made a well. Long before this, James +had gone, and Harry and I were now the only out- +door members of our working-force. Harry was +still too small to help with the well; but a young +man, who had formed the neighborly habit of rid- +ing eighteen miles to call on us, gave me much +friendly aid. We located the well with a switch, +and when we had dug as far as we could reach with +our spades, my assistant descended into the hole +and threw the earth up to the edge, from which I +in turn removed it. As the well grew deeper we +made a half-way shelf, on which I stood, he throw- +ing the earth on the shelf, and I shoveling it up from +that point. Later, as he descended still farther +into the hole we were making, he shoveled the earth +into buckets and passed them up to me, I passing +them on to my sister, who was now pressed into +service. When the excavation was deep enough +we made the wall of slabs of wood, roughly joined +together. I recall that well with calm content. It was not a +thing of beauty, but it was a thoroughly practical well, and +it remained the only one we had during the twelve years +the family occupied the cabin. + +During our first year there was no school within ten +miles of us, but this lack failed to sadden Harry or me. We +had brought with us from Lawrence a box of books, in +which, in winter months, when our outdoor work was +restricted, we found much comfort. They were the only +books in that part of the country, and we read them until +we knew them all by heart. Moreover, father sent us +regularly the New York Independent, and with this +admirable literature, after reading it, we papered our walls. +Thus, on stormy days, we could lie on the settle or the +floor and read the Independent over again with increased +interest and pleasure. + +Occasionally father sent us the Ledger, but here +mother drew a definite line. She had a special dis- +like for that periodical, and her severest comment +on any woman was that she was the type who would +``keep a dog, make saleratus biscuit, and read the +New York Ledger in the daytime.'' Our modest +library also contained several histories of Greece +and Rome, which must have been good ones, for +years later, when I entered college, I passed my +examination in ancient history with no other prep- +aration than this reading. There were also a few +arithmetics and algebras, a historical novel or two, +and the inevitable copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, whose +pages I had freely moistened with my tears. + +When the advantages of public education were finally +extended to me, at thirteen, by the opening of a school +three miles from our home, I accepted them with growing +reluctance. The teacher was a spinster forty-four years of +age and the only genuine ``old maid'' I have ever met who +was not a married woman or a man. She was the real +thing, and her name, Prudence Duncan, seemed the fitting +label for her rigidly uncompromising personality. I graced +Prudence's school for three months, and then left it at her +fervid request. I had walked six miles a day through +trackless woods and Western blizzards to get what she +could give me, but she had little to offer my awakened and +critical mind. My reading and my Lawrence school-work +had already taught me more than Prudence knew--a fact +we both inwardry--admitted and fiercely resented from +our different viewpoints. Beyond doubt I was a pert and +trying young person. I lost no opportunity to lead Prudence +beyond her intellectual depth and leave her there, and +Prudence vented her chagrin not alone upon me, but upon +my little brother. I became a thorn in her side, and one +day, after an especially unpleasant episode in which Harry +also figured, she plucked me out, as it were, and cast me +for ever from her. From that time I studied at home, where +I was a much more valuable economic factor than I had +been in school. + +The second spring after our arrival Harry and I +extended our operations by tapping the sugar- +bushes, collecting all the sap, and carrying it home +in pails slung from our yoke-laden shoulders. To- +gether we made one hundred and fifty pounds of +sugar and a barrel of syrup, but here again, as al- +ways, we worked in primitive ways. To get the sap +we chopped a gash in the tree and drove in a spile. +Then we dug out a trough to catch the sap. It was +no light task to lift these troughs full of sap and +empty the sap into buckets, but we did it success- +fully, and afterward built fires and boiled it down. +By this time we had also cleared some of our ground, +and during the spring we were able to plow, dividing +the work in a way that seemed fair to us both. +These were strenuous occupations for a boy of nine +and a girl of thirteen, but, though we were not in- +ordinately good children, we never complained; we +found them very satisfactory substitutes for more +normal bucolic joys. Inevitably, we had our little +tragedies. Our cow died, and for an entire winter +we went without milk. Our coffee soon gave out, +and as a substitute we made and used a mixture of +browned peas and burnt rye. In the winter we +were always cold, and the water problem, until we +had built our well, was ever with us. + +Father joined us at the end of eighteen months, +but though his presence gave us pleasure and moral +support, he was not an addition to our executive +staff. He brought with him a rocking-chair for +mother and a new supply of books, on which I fell +as a starving man falls upon food. Father read as +eagerly as I, but much more steadily. His mind +was always busy with problems, and if, while he +was laboring in the field, a new problem presented +itself to him, the imperishable curiosity that was +in him made him scurry at once to the house to +solve it. I have known him to spend a planting +season in figuring on the production of a certain +number of kernels of corn, instead of planting the +corn and raising it. In the winter he was supposed +to spend his time clearing land for orchards and +the like, but instead he pored over his books and +problems day after day and often half the night as +well. It soon became known among our neigh- +bors, who were rapidly increasing in number, that +we had books and that father like to read aloud, +and men walked ten miles or more to spend the night +with us and listen to his reading. Often, as his +fame grew, ten or twelve men would arrive at our +cabin on Saturday and remain over Sunday. When +my mother once tried to check this influx of guests +by mildly pointing out, among other things, the +waste of candles represented by frequent all-night +readings, every man humbly appeared again on the +following Saturday with a candle in each hand. +They were not sensitive; and, as they had brought +their candles, it seemed fitting to them and to father +that we girls should cook for them and supply them +with food. + +Father's tolerance of idleness in others, however, +did not extend to tolerance of idleness in us, and +this led to my first rebellion, which occurred when +I was fourteen. For once, I had been in the woods +all day, buried in my books; and when I returned +at night, still in the dream world these books had +opened to me, father was awaiting my coming with +a brow dark with disapproval. As it happened, +mother had felt that day some special need of me, +and father reproached me bitterly for being beyond +reach--an idler who wasted time while mother +labored. He ended a long arraignment by predicting +gloomily that with such tendencies I would make +nothing of my life. + +The injustice of the criticism cut deep; I knew +I had done and was doing my share for the family, +and already, too, I had begun to feel the call of my +career. For some reason I wanted to preach--to +talk to people, to tell them things. Just why, just +what, I did not yet know--but I had begun to +preach in the silent woods, to stand up on stumps +and address the unresponsive trees, to feel the stir +of aspiration within me. + +When my father had finished all he wished to +say, I looked at him and answered, quietly, ``Father, +some day I am going to college.'' + +I can still see his slight, ironical smile. It drove +me to a second prediction. I was young enough to +measure success by material results, so I added, +recklessly: + +``And before I die I shall be worth ten thousand +dollars!'' + +The amount staggered me even as it dropped from +my lips. It was the largest fortune my imagination +could conceive, and in my heart I believed that no +woman ever had possessed or would possess so +much. So far as I knew, too, no woman had gone +to college. But now that I had put my secret hopes +into words, I was desperately determined to make +those hopes come true. After I became a wage- +earner I lost my desire to make a fortune, but the +college dream grew with the years; and though my +college career seemed as remote as the most distant +star, I hitched my little wagon to that star and never +afterward wholly lost sight of its friendly gleam. + +When I was fifteen years old I was offered a situa- +tion as school-teacher. By this time the com- +munity was growing around us with the rapidity +characteristic of these Western settlements, and we +had nearer neighbors whose children needed instruc- +tion. I passed an examination before a school- +board consisting of three nervous and self-conscious +men whose certificate I still hold, and I at once +began my professional career on the modest salary +of two dollars a week and my board. The school +was four miles from my home, so I ``boarded round'' +with the families of my pupils, staying two weeks +in each place, and often walking from three to six +miles a day to and from my little log school-house +in every kind of weather. During the first year I +had about fourteen pupils, of varying ages, sizes, +and temperaments, and there was hardly a book in +the school-room except those I owned. One little +girl, I remember, read from an almanac, while a +second used a hymn-book. + +In winter the school-house was heated by a wood- +stove, to which the teacher had to give close personal +attention. I could not depend on my pupils to +make the fires or carry in the fuel; and it was often +necessary to fetch the wood myself, sometimes for +long distances through the forest. Again and again, +after miles of walking through winter storms, I +reached the school-house with my clothing wet +through, and in these soaked garments I taught +during the day. In ``boarding round'' I often found +myself in one-room cabins, with bunks at the end +and the sole partition a sheet or a blanket, behind +which I slept with one or two of the children. It +was the custom on these occasions for the man of +the house to delicately retire to the barn while we +women got to bed, and to disappear again in the +morning while we dressed. In some places the +meals were so badly cooked that I could not eat +them, and often the only food my poor little pupils +brought to school for their noonday meal was a +piece of bread or a bit of raw pork. + +I earned my two dollars a week that year, but I +had to wait for my wages until the dog tax was col- +lected in the spring. When the money was thus +raised, and the twenty-six dollars for my thirteen +weeks of teaching were graciously put into my +hands, I went ``outside'' to the nearest shop and +joyously spent almost the entire amount for my +first ``party dress.'' The gown I bought was, I con- +sidered, a beautiful creation. In color it was a rich +magenta, and the skirt was elaborately braided with +black cable-cord. My admiration for it was justi- +fied, for it did all a young girl's eager heart could +ask of any gown--it led to my first proposal. + +The youth who sought my hand was about twenty +years old, and by an unhappy chance he was also +the least attractive young person in the country- +side--the laughing-stock of the neighbors, the butt +of his associates. The night he came to offer me +his heart there were already two young men at our +home calling on my sisters, and we were all sitting +around the fire in the living-room when my suitor +appeared. His costume, like himself, left much to +be desired. He wore a blue flannel shirt and a pair +of trousers made of flour-bags. Such trousers were +not uncommon in our region, and the boy's mother, +who had made them for him, had thoughtfully +selected a nice clean pair of sacks. But on one leg +was the name of the firm that made the flour--A. and +G. W. Green--and by a charming coincidence A. +and G. W. Green happened to be the two young +men who were calling on my sisters! On the back +of the bags, directly in the rear of the wearer, was +the simple legend, ``96 pounds''; and the striking +effect of the young man's costume was completed +by a bright yellow sash which held his trousers in +place. + +The vision fascinated my sisters and their two +guests. They gave it their entire attention, and +when the new-comer signified with an eloquent ges- +ture that he was calling on me, and beckoned me +into an inner room, the quartet arose as one person +and followed us to the door. Then, as we inhospit- +ably closed the door, they fastened their eyes to +the cracks in the living-room wall, that they might +miss none of the entertainment. When we were +alone my guest and I sat down in facing chairs and +in depressed silence. The young man was nervous, +and I was both frightened and annoyed. I had +heard suppressed giggles on the other side of the +wall, and I realized, as my self-centered visitor failed +to do, that we were not enjoying the privacy the +situation seemed to demand. At last the youth in- +formed me that his ``dad'' had just given him a +cabin, a yoke of steers, a cow, and some hens. When +this announcement had produced its full effect, he +straightened up in his chair and asked, solemnly, +``Will ye have me?'' + +An outburst of chortles from the other side of the +wall greeted the proposal, but the ardent youth +ignored it, if indeed he heard it. With eyes staring +straight ahead, he sat rigid, waiting for my answer; +and I, anxious only to get rid of him and to end +the strain of the moment, said the first thing that +came into my head. ``I can't,'' I told him. ``I'm +sorry, but--but--I'm engaged.'' + +He rose quickly, with the effect of a half-closed +jack-knife that is suddenly opened, and for an in- +stant stood looking down upon me. He was six feet +two inches tall, and extremely thin. I am very short, +and, as I looked up, his flour-bag trousers seemed to +join his yellow sash somewhere near the ceiling of +the room. He put both hands into his pockets and +slowly delivered his valedictory. ``That's darned dis- +appointing to a fellow,'' he said, and left the house. +After a moment devoted to regaining my maidenly +composure I returned to the living-room, where I +had the privilege of observing the enjoyment of my +sisters and their visitors. Helpless with mirth and +with tears of pleasure on their cheeks, the four rocked +and shrieked as they recalled the picture my gallant +had presented. For some time after that incident +I felt a strong distaste for sentiment. + +Clad royally in the new gown, I attended my first +ball in November, going with a party of eight that +included my two sisters, another girl, and four young +men. The ball was at Big Rapids, which by this +time had grown to be a thriving lumber town. It +was impossible to get a team of horses or even a +yoke of oxen for the journey, so we made a raft and +went down the river on that, taking our party dresses +with us in trunks. Unfortunately, the raft ``hung +up'' in the stream, and the four young men had +to get out into the icy water and work a long time +before they could detach it from the rocks. Natu- +rally, they were soaked and chilled through, but they +all bore the experience with a gay philosophy. + +When we reached Big Rapids we dressed for the +ball, and, as in those days it was customary to +change one's gown again at midnight, I had an op- +portunity to burst on the assemblage in two cos- +tumes--the second made of bedroom chintz, with +a low neck and short sleeves. We danced the +``money musk,'' and the ``Virginia reel,'' ``hoeing +her down'' (which means changing partners) in +true pioneer style. I never missed a dance at this +or any subsequent affair, and I was considered the +gayest and the most tireless young person at our +parties until I became a Methodist minister and +dropped such worldly vanities. The first time I +preached in my home region all my former partners +came to hear me, and listened with wide, understand- +ing, reminiscent smiles which made it very hard for +me to keep soberly to my text. + +In the near future I had reason to regret the ex- +travagant expenditure of my first earnings. For +my second year of teaching, in the same school, I +was to receive five dollars a week and to pay my +own board. I selected a place two miles and a half +from the school-house, and was promptly asked by +my host to pay my board in advance. This, he ex- +plained, was due to no lack of faith in me; the +money would enable him to go ``outside'' to work, +leaving his family well supplied with provisions. I +allowed him to go to the school committee and col- +lect my board in advance, at the rate of three dol- +lars a week for the season. When I presented myself +at my new boarding-place, however, two days later, +I found the house nailed up and deserted; the man +and his family had departed with my money, and +I was left, as my committeemen sympathetically +remarked, ``high and dry.'' There were only two +dollars a week coming to me after that, so I walked +back and forth between my home and my school, +almost four miles, twice a day; and during this en- +forced exercise there was ample opportunity to re- +flect on the fleeting joy of riches. + +In the mean time war had been declared. When +the news came that Fort Sumter had been fired +on, and that Lincoln had called for troops, our men +were threshing. There was only one threshing- +machine in the region at that time, and it went +from place to place, the farmers doing their thresh- +ing whenever they could get the machine. I re- +member seeing a man ride up on horseback, shout- +ing out Lincoln's demand for troops and explaining +that a regiment was being formed at Big Rapids. +Before he had finished speaking the men on the ma- +chine had leaped to the ground and rushed off to +enlist, my brother Jack, who had recently joined us, +among them. In ten minutes not one man was left +in the field. A few months later my brother Tom +enlisted as a bugler--he was a mere boy at the time-- +and not long after that my father followed the example +of his sons and served until the war was ended. He +had entered on the twenty-ninth of August, 1862, as +an army steward; he came back to us with the rank +of lieutenant and assistant surgeon of field and staff. + +Between those years I was the principal support +of our family, and life became a strenuous and tragic +affair. For months at a time we had no news from +the front. The work in our community, if it was +done at all, was done by despairing women whose +hearts were with their men. When care had become +our constant guest, Death entered our home as well. +My sister Eleanor had married, and died in childbirth, +leaving her baby to me; and the blackest hours of +those black years were the hours that saw her pass- +ing. I can see her still, lying in a stupor from which +she roused herself at intervals to ask about her child. +She insisted that our brother Tom should name the +baby, but Tom was fighting for his country, unless +he had already preceded Eleanor through the wide +portal that was opening before her. I could only +tell her that I had written to him; but before the +assurance was an hour old she would climb up from +the gulf of unconsciousness with infinite effort to +ask if we had received his reply. At last, to calm +her, I told her it had come, and that Tom had chosen +for her little son the name of Arthur. She smiled +at this and drew a deep breath; then, still smiling, +she passed away. Her baby slipped into her vacant +place and almost filled our heavy hearts, but only +for a short time; for within a few months after his +mother's death his father married again and took +him from me, and it seemed that with his going +we had lost all that made life worth while. + +The problem of living grew harder with every- +day. We eked out our little income in every way +we could, taking as boarders the workers in the log- +ging-camps, making quilts, which we sold, and losing +no chance to earn a penny in any legitimate manner. +Again my mother did such outside sewing as she +could secure, yet with every month of our effort +the gulf between our income and our expenses grew +wider, and the price of the bare necessities of exis- +ence{sic} climbed up and up. The largest amount I +could earn at teaching was six dollars a week, and +our school year included only two terms of thir- +teen weeks each. It was an incessant struggle to +keep our land, to pay our taxes, and to live. Cal- +ico was selling at fifty cents a yard. Coffee was +one dollar a pound. There were no men left to +grind our corn, to get in our crops, or to care for +our live stock; and all around us we saw our +struggle reflected in the lives of our neighbors. + +At long intervals word came to us of battles in +which my father's regiment--the Tenth Michigan +Cavalry Volunteers--or those of my brothers were +engaged, and then longer intervals followed in which +we heard no news. After Eleanor's death my +brother Tom was wounded, and for months we lived +in terror of worse tidings, but he finally recovered. +I was walking seven and eight miles a day, and doing +extra work before and after school hours, and my +health began to fail. Those were years I do not +like to look back upon--years in which life had de- +generated into a treadmill whose monotony was +broken only by the grim messages from the front. +My sister Mary married and went to Big Rapids to +live. I had no time to dream my dream, but the star +of my one purpose still glowed in my dark horizon. +It seemed that nothing short of a miracle could lift +my feet from their plodding way and set them on the +wider path toward which my eyes were turned, but +I never lost faith that in some manner the miracle +would come to pass. As certainly as I have ever +known anything, I KNEW that I was going to college! + + +III + +HIGH-SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DAYS + +The end of the Civil War brought freedom to +me, too. When peace was declared my father +and brothers returned to the claim in the wilderness +which we women of the family had labored so des- +perately to hold while they were gone. To us, as to +others, the final years of the war had brought many +changes. My sister Eleanor's place was empty. +Mary, as I have said, had married and gone to live in +Big Rapids, and my mother and I were alone with my +brother Harry, now a boy of fourteen. After the +return of our men it was no longer necessary to de- +vote every penny of my earnings to the maintenance +of our home. For the first time I could begin to +save a portion of my income toward the fulfilment +of my college dream, but even yet there was a long, +arid stretch ahead of me before the college doors +came even distantly into sight. + +The largest salary I could earn by teaching in our +Northern woods was one hundred and fifty-six dollars +a year, for two terms of thirteen weeks each; and +from this, of course, I had to deduct the cost of my +board and clothing--the sole expenditure I allowed +myself. The dollars for an education accumulated +very, very slowly, until at last, in desperation, weary +of seeing the years of my youth rush past, bearing +my hopes with them, I took a sudden and radical +step. I gave up teaching, left our cabin in the +woods, and went to Big Rapids to live with my sister +Mary, who had married a successful man and who +generously offered me a home. There, I had de- +cided, I would learn a trade of some kind, of any +kind; it did not greatly matter what it was. The +sole essential was that it should be a money-making +trade, offering wages which would make it possible +to add more rapidly to my savings. In those days, +almost fifty years ago, and in a small pioneer town, +the fields open to women were few and unfruitful. +The needle at once presented itself, but at first I +turned with loathing from it. I would have pre- +ferred the digging of ditches or the shoveling of coal; +but the needle alone persistently pointed out my +way, and I was finally forced to take it. + +Fate, however, as if weary at last of seeing me +between her paws, suddenly let me escape. Before +I had been working a month at my uncongenial +trade Big Rapids was favored by a visit from a +Universalist woman minister, the Reverend Marianna +Thompson, who came there to preach. Her ser- +mon was delivered on Sunday morning, and I was, I +think, almost the earliest arrival of the great con- +gregation which filled the church. It was a wonder- +ful moment when I saw my first woman minister +enter her pulpit; and as I listened to her sermon, +thrilled to the soul, all my early aspirations to be- +come a minister myself stirred in me with cumulative +force. After the services I hung for a time on the +fringe of the group that surrounded her, and at last, +when she was alone and about to leave, I found +courage to introduce myself and pour forth the tale +of my ambition. Her advice was as prompt as if +she had studied my problem for years. + +``My child,'' she said, ``give up your foolish idea +of learning a trade, and go to school. You can't do +anything until you have an education. Get it, and +get it NOW.'' + +Her suggestion was much to my liking, and I paid +her the compliment of acting on it promptly, for +the next morning I entered the Big Rapids High +School, which was also a preparatory school for col- +lege. There I would study, I determined, as long +as my money held out, and with the optimism of +youth I succeeded in confining my imagination to +this side of that crisis. My home, thanks to Mary, +was assured; the wardrobe I had brought from the +woods covered me sufficiently; to one who had +walked five and six miles a day for years, walking +to school held no discomfort; and as for pleasure, +I found it, like a heroine of fiction, in my studies. +For the first time life was smiling at me, and with +all my young heart I smiled back. + +The preceptress of the high school was Lucy +Foot, a college graduate and a remarkable woman. +I had heard much of her sympathy and understand- +ing; and on the evening following my first day in +school I went to her and repeated the confidences +I had reposed in the Reverend Marianna Thompson. +My trust in her was justified. She took an immedi- +ate interest in me, and proved it at once by putting +me into the speaking and debating classes, where I +was given every opportunity to hold forth to help- +less classmates when the spirit of eloquence moved +me. + +As an aid to public speaking I was taught to ``elo- +cute,'' and I remember in every mournful detail +the occasion on which I gave my first recitation. +We were having our monthly ``public exhibition +night,'' and the audience included not only my class- +mates, but their parents and friends as well. The +selection I intended to recite was a poem entitled +``No Sects in Heaven,'' but when I faced my au- +dience I was so appalled by its size and by the sud- +den realization of my own temerity that I fainted +during the delivery of the first verse. Sympathetic +classmates carried me into an anteroom and revived +me, after which they naturally assumed that the +entertainment I furnished was over for the evening. +I, however, felt that if I let that failure stand against +me I could never afterward speak in public; and +within ten minutes, notwithstanding the protests +of my friends, I was back in the hall and beginning +my recitation a second time. The audience gave +me its eager attention. Possibly it hoped to see me +topple off the platform again, but nothing of the +sort occurred. I went through the recitation with +self-possession and received some friendly applause at +the end. Strangely enough, those first sensations of +``stage fright'' have been experienced, in a lesser de- +gree, in connection with each of the thousands of +public speeches I have made since that time. I +have never again gone so far as to faint in the +presence of an audience; but I have invariably +walked out on the platform feeling the sinking sen- +sation at the pit of the stomach, the weakness of the +knees, that I felt in the hour of my debut. Now, +however, the nervousness passes after a moment +or two. + +From that night Miss Foot lost no opportunity of +putting me into the foreground of our school affairs. +I took part in all our debates, recited yards of poe- +try to any audience we could attract, and even shone +mildly in our amateur theatricals. It was probably +owing to all this activity that I attracted the in- +terest of the presiding elder of our district--Dr. +Peck, a man of progressive ideas. There was at +that time a movement on foot to license women to +preach in the Methodist Church, and Dr. Peck was +ambitious to be the first presiding elder to have a +woman ordained for the Methodist ministry. He +had urged Miss Foot to be this pioneer, but her +ambitions did not turn in that direction. Though +she was a very devout Methodist, she had no wish +to be the shepherd of a religious flock. She loved +her school-work, and asked nothing better than to +remain in it. Gently but persistently she directed +the attention of Dr. Peck to me, and immediately +things began to happen. + +Without telling me to what it might lead, Miss +Foot finally arranged a meeting at her home by in- +viting Dr. Peck and me to dinner. Being uncon- +scious of any significance in the occasion, I chatted +light-heartedly about the large issues of life and +probably settled most of them to my personal satis- +faction. Dr. Peck drew me out and led me on, +listened and smiled. When the evening was over +and we rose to go, he turned to me with sudden +seriousness: + +``My quarterly meeting will be held at Ashton,'' +he remarked, casually. ``I would like you to preach +the quarterly sermon.'' + +For a moment the earth seemed to slip away from +my feet. I stared at him in utter stupefaction. +Then slowly I realized that, incredible as it seemed, +the man was in earnest. + +``Why,'' I stammered, ``_I_ can't preach a ser- +mon!'' + +Dr. Peck smiled at me. ``Have you ever tried?'' +he asked. + +I started to assure him vehemently that I never +had. Then, as if Time had thrown a picture on a +screen before me, I saw myself as a little girl preach- +ing alone in the forest, as I had so often preached +to a congregation of listening trees. I qualified my +answer. + +``Never,'' I said, ``to human beings.'' + +Dr. Peck smiled again. ``Well,'' he told me, +``the door is open. Enter or not, as you wish.'' + +He left the house, but I remained to discuss his +overwhelming proposition with Miss Foot. A sud- +den sobering thought had come to me. + +``But,'' I exclaimed, ``I've never been converted. +How can I preach to any one?'' + +We both had the old-time idea of conversion, which +now seems so mistaken. We thought one had to +struggle with sin and with the Lord until at last the +heart opened, doubts were dispersed, and the light +poured in. Miss Foot could only advise me to +put the matter before the Lord, to wrestle and to +pray; and thereafter, for hours at a time, she worked +and prayed with me, alternately urging, pleading, +instructing, and sending up petitions in my behalf. +Our last session was a dramatic one, which took up +the entire night. Long before it was over we were +both worn out; but toward morning, either from +exhaustion of body or exaltation of soul, I seemed +to see the light, and it made me very happy. With +all my heart I wanted to preach, and I believed that +now at last I had my call. The following day we +sent word to Dr. Peck that I would preach the ser- +mon at Ashton as he had asked, but we urged him to +say nothing of the matter for the present, and Miss +Foot and I also kept the secret locked in our breasts. +I knew only too well what view my family and my +friends would take of such a step and of me. To +them it would mean nothing short of personal dis- +grace and a blotted page in the Shaw record. + +I had six weeks in which to prepare my sermon, +and I gave it most of my waking hours as well as +those in which I should have been asleep. I took +for my text: ``And as Moses lifted up the serpent +in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be +lifted up; that whosoever believeth in Him should +not perish, but have eternal life.'' + +It was not until three days before I preached the +sermon that I found courage to confide my purpose +to my sister Mary, and if I had confessed my inten- +tion to commit a capital crime she could not have +been more disturbed. We two had always been very +close, and the death of Eleanor, to whom we were +both devoted, had drawn us even nearer to each +other. Now Mary's tears and prayers wrung my +heart and shook my resolution. But, after all, she +was asking me to give up my whole future, to close +my ears to my call, and I felt that I could not do +it. My decision caused an estrangement between +us which lasted for years. On the day preceding +the delivery of my sermon I left for Ashton on the +afternoon train; and in the same car, but as far +away from me as she could get, Mary sat alone and +wept throughout the journey. She was going to +my mother, but she did not speak to me; and I, +for my part, facing both alienation from her and the +ordeal before me, found my one comfort in Lucy +Foot's presence and understanding sympathy. + +There was no church in Ashton, so I preached +my sermon in its one little school-house, which was +filled with a curious crowd, eager to look at and hear +the girl who was defying all conventions by getting +out of the pew and into the pulpit. There was +much whispering and suppressed excitement before +I began, but when I gave out my text silence fell +upon the room, and from that moment until I had +finished my hearers listened quietly. A kerosene- +lamp stood on a stand at my elbow, and as I preached +I trembled so violently that the oil shook in its glass +globe; but I finished without breaking down, and +at the end Dr. Peck, who had his own reasons for +nervousness, handsomely assured me that my first +sermon was better than his maiden effort had been. +It was evidently not a failure, for the next day he +invited me to follow him around in his circuit, which +included thirty-six appointments; he wished me to +preach in each of the thirty-six places, as it was de- +sirable to let the various ministers hear and know +me before I applied for my license as a local preacher. + +The sermon also had another result, less gratify- +ing. It brought out, on the following morning, the +first notice of me ever printed in a newspaper. +This was instigated by my brother-in-law, and it +was brief but pointed. It read: + + +A young girl named Anna Shaw, seventeen years old,[1] +preached at Ashton yesterday. Her real friends deprecate the +course she is pursuing. + +[1] A misstatement by the brother-in-law. Dr. Shaw was at this +time twenty-three years old.--E. J. + + +The little notice had something of the effect of +a lighted match applied to gunpowder. An ex- +plosion of public sentiment followed it, the entire +community arose in consternation, and I became a +bone of contention over which friends and strangers +alike wrangled until they wore themselves out. +The members of my family, meeting in solemn +council, sent for me, and I responded. They had +a proposition to make, and they lost no time in put- +ting it before me. If I gave up my preaching they +would send me to college and pay for my entire +course. They suggested Ann Arbor, and Ann Arbor +tempted me sorely; but to descend from the pulpit +I had at last entered--the pulpit I had visualized +in all my childish dreams--was not to be considered. +We had a long evening together, and it was a very +unhappy one. At the end of it I was given twenty- +four hours in which to decide whether I would choose +my people and college, or my pulpit and the arctic +loneliness of a life that held no family-circle. It +did not require twenty-four hours of reflection to +convince me that I must go my solitary way. + +That year I preached thirty-six times, at each of +the presiding elder's appointments; and the follow- +ing spring, at the annual Methodist Conference of +our district, held at Big Rapids, my name was pre- +sented to the assembled ministers as that of a can- +didate for a license to preach. There was unusual +interest in the result, and my father was among those +who came to the Conference to see the vote taken. +During these Conferences a minister voted affirma- +tively on a question by holding up his hand, and +negatively by failing to do so. When the question +of my license came up the majority of the ministers +voted by raising both hands, and in the pleasant +excitement which followed my father slipped away. +Those who saw him told me he looked pleased; but +he sent me no message showing a change of view- +point, and the gulf between the family and its black +sheep remained unbridged. Though the warmth of +Mary's love for me had become a memory, the +warmth of her hearthstone was still offered me. I +accepted it, perforce, and we lived together like +shadows of what we had been. Two friends alone +of all I had made stood by me without qualification +--Miss Foot and Clara Osborn, the latter my +``chum'' at Big Rapids and a dweller in my heart +to this day. + +In the mean time my preaching had not inter- +fered with my studies. I was working day and night, +but life was very difficult; for among my school- +mates, too, there were doubts and much head-shaking +over this choice of a career. I needed the sound of +friendly voices, for I was very lonely; and suddenly, +when the pressure from all sides was strongest and +I was going down physically under it, a voice was +raised that I had never dared to dream would speak +for me. Mary A. Livermore came to Big Rapids, +and as she was then at the height of her career, the +entire countryside poured in to hear her. Far back +in the crowded hall I sat alone and listened to her, +thrilled by the lecture and tremulous with the hope +of meeting the lecturer. When she had finished +speaking I joined the throng that surged forward +from the body of the hall, and as I reached her and +felt the grasp of her friendly hand I had a sudden +conviction that the meeting was an epoch in my life. +I was right. Some one in the circle around us told +her that I wanted to preach, and that I was meeting +tremendous opposition. She was interested at once. +She looked at me with quickening sympathy, and +then, suddenly putting an arm around me, drew me +close to her side. + +``My dear,'' she said, quietly, ``if you want to +preach, go on and preach. Don't let anybody stop +you. No matter what people say, don't let them +stop you!'' + +For a moment I was too overcome to answer her. +These were almost my first encouraging words, and +the morning stars singing together could not have +made sweeter music for my ears. Before I could +recover a woman within hearing spoke up. + +``Oh, Mrs. Livermore,'' she exclaimed, ``don't say +that to her! We're all trying to stop her. Her peo- +ple are wretched over the whole thing. And don't +you see how ill she is? She has one foot in the grave +and the other almost there!'' + +Mrs. Livermore turned upon me a long and deeply +thoughtful look. ``Yes,'' she said at last, ``I see she +has. But it is better that she should die doing the +thing she wants to do than that she should die +because she can't do it.'' + +Her words were a tonic which restored my voice. +``So they think I'm going to die!'' I cried. ``Well, +I'm not! I'm going to live and preach!'' + +I have always felt since then that without the +inspiration of Mrs. Livermore's encouragement I +might not have continued my fight. Her sanction +was a shield, however, from which the criticisms of +the world fell back. Fate's more friendly interest +in my affairs that year was shown by the fact that +she sent Mrs. Livermore into my life before I had +met Anna Dickinson. Miss Dickinson came to us +toward spring and lectured on Joan of Arc. Never +before or since have I been more deeply moved by a +speaker. When she had finished her address I made +my happy way to the front of the hall with the others +who wished to meet the distinguished guest. It +was our local manager who introduced me, and he +said, ``This is our Anna Shaw. She is going to be +a lecturer, too.'' + +I looked up at the brilliant Miss Dickinson with +the trustfulness of youth in my eyes. I remem- +bered Mrs. Livermore and I thought all great wom- +en were like her, but I was now to experience a bitter +disillusionment. Miss Dickinson barely touched +the tips of my fingers as she looked indifferently +past the side of my face. ``Ah,'' she said, icily, +and turned away. In later years I learned how +impossible it is for a public speaker to leave a +gracious impression on every life that for a moment +touches her own; but I have never ceased to be +thankful that I met Mrs. Livermore before I met +Miss Dickinson at the crisis in my career. + +In the autumn of 1873 I entered Albion College, +in Albion, Michigan. I was twenty-five years of +age, but I looked much younger--probably not more +than eighteen to the casual glance. Though I had +made every effort to save money, I had not been +successful, for my expenses constantly outran my +little income, and my position as preacher made it +necessary for me to have a suitable wardrobe. +When the time came to enter college I had exactly +eighteen dollars in the world, and I started for +Albion with this amount in my purse and without +the slightest notion of how I was to add to it. The +money problem so pressed upon me, in fact, that +when I reached my destination at midnight and dis- +covered that it would cost fifty cents to ride from +the station to the college, I saved that amount by +walking the entire distance on the railroad tracks, +while my imagination busied itself pleasantly with +pictures of the engine that might be thundering upon +me in the rear. I had chosen Albion because Miss +Foot had been educated there, and I was encouraged +by an incident that happened the morning after my +arrival. I was on the campus, walking toward the +main building, when I saw a big copper penny lying +on the ground, and, on picking it up, I discovered +that it bore the year of my birth. That seemed a +good omen, and it was emphatically underlined by +the finding of two exactly similar pennies within a +week. Though there have been days since then +when I was sorely tempted to spend them, I have +those three pennies still, and I confess to a certain +comfort in their possession! + +As I had not completed my high-school course, +my first days at Albion were spent in strenuous prep- +aration for the entrance examinations; and one morn- +ing, as I was crossing the campus with a History +of the United States tucked coyly under my arm, +I met the president of the college, Dr. Josclyn. He +stopped for a word of greeting, during which I be- +trayed the fact that I had never studied United +States history. Dr. Josclyn at once invited me into +his office with, I am quite sure, the purpose of ex- +plaining as kindly as he could that my preparation +for college was insufficient. As an opening to the +subject he began to talk of history, and we talked +and talked on, while unheeded hours were born and +died. We discussed the history of the United States, +the governments of the world, the causes which led +to the influence of one nation on another, the philo- +sophical basis of the different national movements +westward, and the like. It was the longest and by +far the most interesting talk I have ever had with +a highly educated man, and during it I could actually +feel my brain expand. When I rose to go President +Josclyn stopped me. + +``I have something to give you,'' he said, and he +wrote a few words on a slip of paper and handed +the slip to me. When, on reaching the dormitory, +I opened it, I found that the president had passed +me in the history of the entire college course! This, +moreover, was not the only pleasant result of our +interview, for within a few weeks President and Mrs. +Josclyn, whose daughter had recently died, invited +me to board with them, and I made my home with +them during my first year at Albion. + +My triumph in history was followed by the swift +and chastening discovery that I was behind my as- +sociates in several other branches. Owing to my +father's early help, I was well up in mathematics, +but I had much to learn of philosophy and the +languages, and to these I devoted many midnight +candles. + +Naturally, I soon plunged into speaking, and my +first public speech at college was a defense of Xan- +tippe. I have always felt that the poor lady was +greatly abused, and that Socrates deserved all he +received from her, and more. I was glad to put +myself on record as her champion, and my fellow- +students must soon have felt that my admiration +for Xantippe was based on similarities of tempera- +ment, for within a few months I was leading the first +college revolt against the authority of the men +students. + +Albion was a coeducational institution, and the +brightest jewels in its crown were its three literary +societies--the first composed of men alone, the sec- +ond of women alone, and the third of men and +women together. Each of the societies made friend- +ly advances to new students, and for some time I +hesitated on the brink of the new joys they offered, +uncertain which to choose. A representative of the +mixed society, who was putting its claims before +me, unconsciously helped me to make up my mind. + +``Women,'' he pompously assured me, ``need to be +associated with men, because they don't know how +to manage meetings.'' + +On the instant the needle of decision swung around +to the women's society and remained there, fixed. + +``If they don't,'' I told the pompous young man, +``it's high time they learned. I shall join the women, +and we'll master the art.'' + +I did join the women's society, and I had not been +a member very long before I discovered that when +there was an advantage of any kind to be secured +the men invariably got it. While I was brooding +somberly upon this wrong an opportunity came to +make a formal and effective protest against the +men's high-handed methods. The Quinquennial re- +union of all the societies was about to be held, and +the special feature of this festivity was always an +oration. The simple method of selecting the orator +which had formerly prevailed had been for the +young men to decide upon the speaker and then an- +nounce his name to the women, who humbly con- +firmed it. On this occasion, however, when the +name came in to us, I sent a message to our brother +society to the effect that we, too, intended to make +a nomination and to send in a name. + +At such unprecedented behavior the entire stu- +dent body arose in excitement, which, among the +girls, was combined with equal parts of exhilaration +and awe. The men refused to consider our nominee, +and as a friendly compromise we suggested that we +have a joint meeting of all the societies and elect +the speaker at this gathering; but this plan also +the men at first refused, giving in only after weeks +of argument, during which no one had time for +the calmer pleasures of study. When the joint +meeting was finally held, nothing was accomplished; +we girls had one more member than the boys had, +and we promptly re-elected our candidate, who was +as promptly declined by the boys. Two of our girls +were engaged to two of the boys, and it was secretly +planned by our brother society that during a second +joint meeting these two men should take the girls +out for a drive and then slip back to vote, leaving +the girls at some point sufficiently remote from col- +lege. We discovered the plot, however, in time to +thwart it, and at last, when nothing but the un- +precedented tie-up had been discussed for months, +the boys suddenly gave up their candidate and +nominated me for orator. + +This was not at all what I wanted, and I immedi- +ately declined to serve. We girls then nominated +the young man who had been first choice of our +brother society, but he haughtily refused to accept +the compliment. The reunion was only a fortnight +away, and the programme had not been printed, so +now the president took the situation in hand and +peremptorily ordered me to accept the nomination +or be suspended. This was a wholly unexpected +boomerang. I had wished to make a good fight for +equal rights for the girls, and to impress the boys +with the fact of our existence as a society; but I +had not desired to set the entire student body by +the ears nor to be forced to prepare and deliver an +oration at the eleventh hour. Moreover, I had no +suitable gown to wear on so important an occasion. +One of my classmates, however, secretly wrote to +my sister, describing my blushing honors and ex- +plaining my need, and my family rallied to the call. +My father bought the material, and my mother and +Mary paid for the making of the gown. It was a +white alpaca creation, trimmed with satin, and the +consciousness that it was extremely becoming sus- +tained me greatly during the mental agony of pre- +paring and delivering my oration. To my family +that oration was the redeeming episode of my early +career. For the moment it almost made them for- +get my crime of preaching. + +My original fund of eighteen dollars was now +supplemented by the proceeds of a series of lectures +I gave on temperance. The temperance women were +not yet organized, but they had their speakers, and +I was occasionally paid five dollars to hold forth +for an hour or two in the little country school-houses +of our region. As a licensed preacher I had no +tuition fees to pay at college; but my board, in the +home of the president and his wife, was costing me +four dollars a week, and this was the limit of my +expenses, as I did my own laundry-work. During +my first college year the amount I paid for amuse- +ment was exactly fifty cents; that went for a lec- +ture. The mental strain of the whole experience +was rather severe, for I never knew how much I +would be able to earn; and I was beginning to feel +the effects of this when Christmas came and brought +with it a gift of ninety-two dollars, which Miss Foot +had collected among my Big Rapids friends. That, +with what I could earn, carried me through the +year. + +The following spring our brother James, who +was now living in St. Johnsbury, Vermont, invited +my sister Mary and me to spend the summer +with him, and Mary and I finally dug a grave for +our little hatchet and went East together with +something of our old-time joy in each other's so- +ciety. We reached St. Johnsbury one Saturday, +and within an hour of our arrival learned that my +brother had arranged for me to preach in a local +church the following day. That threatened to spoil +the visit for Mary and even to disinter the hatchet! +At first she positively refused to go to hear me, but +after a few hours of reflection she announced gloom- +ily that if she did not go I would not have my hair +arranged properly or get my hat on straight. Moved +by this conviction, she joined the family parade to +the church, and later, in the sacristy, she pulled me +about and pinned me up to her heart's content. +Then, reluctantly, she went into the church and +heard me preach. She offered no tributes after our +return to the house, but her protests ceased from +that time, and we gave each other the love and +understanding which had marked our girlhood days. +The change made me very happy; for Mary was the +salt of the earth, and next only to my longing for +my mother, I had longed for her in the years of our +estrangement. + +Every Sunday that summer I preached in or near +St. Johnsbury, and toward autumn we had a big +meeting which the ministers of all the surrounding +churches attended. I was asked to preach the ser- +mon--a high compliment--and I chose that impor- +tant day to make a mistake in quoting a passage +from Scripture. I asked, ``Can the Ethiopian change +his spots or the leopard his skin?'' I realized at +once that I had transposed the words, and no doubt +a look of horror dawned in my eyes; but I went on +without correcting myself and without the slightest +pause. Later, one of the ministers congratulated +me on this presence of mind. + +``If you had corrected yourself,'' he said, ``all the +young people would have been giggling yet over +the spotted nigger. Keep to your rule of going +right ahead!'' + +At the end of the summer the various churches +in which I had preached gave me a beautiful gold +watch and one hundred dollars in money, and with +an exceedingly light heart I went back to college +to begin my second year of work. + +From that time life was less complex. I had +enough temperance-work and preaching in the +country school-houses and churches to pay my col- +lege expenses, and, now that my financial anxieties +were relieved, my health steadily improved. Sev- +eral times I preached to the Indians, and these +occasions were among the most interesting of my +experiences. The squaws invariably brought their +babies with them, but they had a simple and effective +method of relieving themselves of the care of the +infants as soon as they reached the church. The +papooses, who were strapped to their boards, were +hung like a garment on the back wall of the building +by a hole in the top of the board, which projected +above their heads. Each papoose usually had a +bit of fat pork tied to the end of a string fastened +to its wrist, and with these sources of nourishment +the infants occupied themselves pleasantly while +the sermon was in progress. Frequently the pork +slipped down the throat of the papoose, but the +struggle of the child and the jerking of its hands +in the strangulation that followed pulled the piece +safely out again. As I faced the congregation I also +faced the papooses, to whom the indifferent backs +of their mothers were presented; it seemed to me +there was never a time when some papoose was not +choking, but no matter how much excitement or +discomfort was going on among the babies, not one +squaw turned her head to look back at them. In +that assemblage the emotions were not allowed to +interrupt the calm intellectual enjoyment of the +sermon. + +My most dramatic experience during this period +occurred in the summer of 1874, when I went to a +Northern lumber-camp to preach in the pulpit of a +minister who was away on his honeymoon. The +stage took me within twenty-two miles of my desti- +nation, to a place called Seberwing. To my dismay, +however, when I arrived at Seberwing, Saturday +evening, I found that the rest of the journey lay +through a dense woods, and that I could reach my +pulpit in time the next morning only by having some +one drive me through the woods that night. It was +not a pleasant prospect, for I had heard appalling +tales of the stockades in this region and of the +women who were kept prisoners there. But to miss +the engagement was not to be thought of, and when, +after I had made several vain efforts to find a driver, +a man appeared in a two-seated wagon and offered +to take me to my destination, I felt that I had to go +with him, though I did not like his appearance. +He was a huge, muscular person, with a protruding +jaw and a singularly evasive eye; but I reflected +that his forbidding expression might be due, in part +at least, to the prospect of the long night drive +through the woods, to which possibly he objected +as much as I did. + +It was already growing dark when we started, +and within a few moments we were out of the little +settlement and entering the woods. With me I had +a revolver I had long since learned to use, but which +I very rarely carried. I had hesitated to bring it +now--had even left home without it; and then, im- +pelled by some impulse I never afterward ceased +to bless, had returned for it and dropped it into +my hand-bag. + +I sat on the back seat of the wagon, directly +behind the driver, and for a time, as we entered +the darkening woods, his great shoulders blotted out +all perspective as he drove on in stolid silence. +Then, little by little, they disappeared like a rapidly +fading negative. The woods were filled with Norway +pines, hemlocks, spruce, and tamaracks-great, +somber trees that must have shut out the light even +on the brightest days. To-night the heavens held +no lamps aloft to guide us, and soon the darkness +folded around us like a garment. I could see neither +the driver nor his horses. I could hear only the +sibilant whisper of the trees and the creak of our +slow wheels in the rough forest road. + +Suddenly the driver began to talk, and at first +I was glad to hear the reassuring human tones, for +the experience had begun to seem like a bad dream. +I replied readily, and at once regretted that I had +done so, for the man's choice of topics was most +unpleasant. He began to tell me stories of the +stockades--grim stories with horrible details, re- +peated so fully and with such gusto that I soon +realized he was deliberately affronting my ears. +I checked him and told him I could not listen to +such talk. + +He replied with a series of oaths and shocking +vulgarities, stopping his horses that he might turn +and fling the words into my face. He ended by +snarling that I must think him a fool to imagine +he did not know the kind of woman I was. What +was I doing in that rough country, he demanded, +and why was I alone with him in those black woods +at night? + +Though my heart missed a beat just then, I tried +to answer him calmly. + +``You know perfectly well who I am,'' I reminded +him. ``And you understand that I am making this +journey to-night because I am to preach to-morrow +morning and there is no other way to keep my +appointment.'' + +He uttered a laugh which was a most unpleasant +sound. + +``Well,'' he said, coolly, ``I'm damned if I'll take +you. I've got you here, and I'm going to keep you +here!'' + +I slipped my hand into the satchel in my lap, and +it touched my revolver. No touch of human fingers +ever brought such comfort. With a deep breath +of thanksgiving I drew it out and cocked it, and +as I did so he recognized the sudden click. + +``Here! What have you got there?'' he snapped. + +``I have a revolver,'' I replied, as steadily as I +could. ``And it is cocked and aimed straight at +your back. Now drive on. If you stop again, or +speak, I'll shoot you.'' + +For an instant or two he blustered. + +``By God,'' he cried, ``you wouldn't dare.'' + +``Wouldn't I?'' I asked. ``Try me by speaking +just once more.'' + +Even as I spoke I felt my hair rise on my scalp +with the horror of the moment, which seemed worse +than any nightmare a woman could experience. +But the man was conquered by the knowledge of +the waiting, willing weapon just behind him. He +laid his whip savagely on the backs of his horses +and they responded with a leap that almost knocked +me out of the wagon. + +The rest of the night was a black terror I shall +never forget. He did not speak again, nor stop, +but I dared not relax my caution for an instant. +Hour after hour crawled toward day, and still I +sat in the unpierced darkness, the revolver ready. +I knew he was inwardly raging, and that at any +instant he might make a sudden jump and try to +get the revolver away from me. I decided that +at his slightest movement I must shoot. But dawn +came at last, and just as its bluish light touched +the dark tips of the pines we drove up to the log +hotel in the settlement that was our destination. +Here my driver spoke. + +``Get down,'' he said, gruffly. ``This is the place.'' + +I sat still. Even yet I dared not trust him. +Moreover, I was so stiff after my vigil that I was +not sure I could move. + +``You get down,'' I directed, ``and wake up the +landlord. Bring him out here.'' + +He sullenly obeyed and aroused the hotel-owner, +and when the latter appeared I climbed out of the +wagon with some effort but without explanation. +That morning I preached in my friend's pulpit as I +had promised to do, and the rough building was +packed to its doors with lumbermen who had come +in from the neighboring camp. Their appearance +caused great surprise, as they had never attended +a service before. They formed a most picturesque +congregation, for they all wore brilliant lumber-camp +clothing--blue or red shirts with yellow scarfs +twisted around their waists, and gay-colored jackets +and logging-caps. There were forty or fifty of +them, and when we took up our collection they +responded with much liberality and cheerful shouts +to one another. + +``Put in fifty cents!'' they yelled across the church. +``Give her a dollar!'' + +The collection was the largest that had been taken +up in the history of the settlement, but I soon +learned that it was not the spiritual comfort I +offered which had appealed to the lumber-men. +My driver of the night before, who was one of their +number, had told his pals of his experience, and the +whole camp had poured into town to see the woman +minister who carried a revolver. + +``Her sermon?'' said one of them to my landlord, +after the meeting. ``Huh! I dunno what she +preached. But, say, don't make no mistake about +one thing: the little preacher has sure got grit!'' + + + +IV + +THE WOLF AT THE DOOR + +When I returned to Albion College in the +autumn of 1875 I brought with me a problem +which tormented me during my waking hours and +chattered on my pillow at night. Should I devote +two more years of my vanishing youth to the com- +pletion of my college course, or, instead, go at once +to Boston University, enter upon my theological +studies, take my degree, and be about my Father's +business? + +I was now twenty-seven years old, and I had been +a licensed preacher for three years. My reputation +in the Northwest was growing, and by sermons and +lectures I could certainly earn enough to pay the +expenses of the full college course. On the other +hand, Boston was a new world. There I would be +alone and practically penniless, and the oppor- +tunities for work might be limited. Quite possibly +in my final two years at Albion I could even save +enough money to make the experience in Boston +less difficult, and the clear common sense I had +inherited from my mother reminded me that in +this course lay wisdom. Possibly it was some in- +heritance from my visionary father which made +me, at the end of three months, waive these sage +reflections, pack my few possessions, and start for +Boston, where I entered the theological school of +the university in February, 1876. + +It was an instance of stepping off a solid plank +and into space; and though there is exhilaration +in the sensation, as I discovered then and at later +crises in life when I did the same thing, there was +also an amount of subsequent discomfort for which +even my lively imagination had not prepared me. +I went through some grim months in Boston-- +months during which I learned what it was to go +to bed cold and hungry, to wake up cold and hungry, +and to have no knowledge of how long these con- +ditions might continue. But not more than once or +twice during the struggle there, and then only for +an hour or two in the physical and mental depression +attending malnutrition, did I regret coming. At +that period of my life I believed that the Lord had +my small personal affairs very much on His mind. +If I starved and froze it was His test of my worthi- +ness for the ministry, and if He had really chosen +me for one of His servants, He would see me through. +The faith that sustained me then has still a place +in my life, and existence without it would be an +infinitely more dreary affair than it is. But I admit +that I now call upon the Lord less often and less +imperatively than I did before the stern years taught +me my unimportance in the great scheme of things. + +My class at the theological school was composed +of forty-two young men and my unworthy self, and +before I had been a member of it an hour I realized +that women theologians paid heavily for the privilege +of being women. The young men of my class who +were licensed preachers were given free accommo- +dations in the dormitory, and their board, at a club +formed for their assistance, cost each of them only +one dollar and twenty-five cents a week. For me +no such kindly provision was made. I was not +allowed a place in the dormitory, but instead was +given two dollars a week to pay the rent of a room +outside. Neither was I admitted to the economical +comforts of the club, but fed myself according to +my income, a plan which worked admirably when +there was an income, but left an obvious void when +there was not. + +With characteristic optimism, however, I hired a +little attic room on Tremont Street and established +myself therein. In lieu of a window the room +offered a pale skylight to the February storms, and +there was neither heat in it nor running water; +but its possession gave me a pleasant sense of +proprietorship, and the whole experience seemed a +high adventure. I at once sought opportunities to +preach and lecture, but these were even rarer than +firelight and food. In Albion I had been practically +the only licensed preacher available for substitute +and special work. In Boston University's three +theological classes there were a hundred men, each +snatching eagerly at the slightest possibility of +employment; and when, despite this competition, +I received and responded to an invitation to preach, +I never knew whether I was to be paid for my services +in cash or in compliments. If, by a happy chance, +the compensation came in cash, the amount was +rarely more than five dollars, and never more than +ten. There was no help in sight from my family, +whose early opposition to my career as a minister +had hotly flamed forth again when I started East. +I lived, therefore, on milk and crackers, and for +weeks at a time my hunger was never wholly satis- +fied. In my home in the wilderness I had often +heard the wolves prowling around our door at night. +Now, in Boston, I heard them even at high noon. + +There is a special and almost indescribable de- +pression attending such conditions. No one who +has not experienced the combination of continued +cold, hunger, and loneliness in a great, strange, +indifferent city can realize how it undermines the +victim's nerves and even tears at the moral fiber. +The self-humiliation I experienced was also intense. +I had worked my way in the Northwest; why could +I not work my way in Boston? Was there, per- +haps, some lack in me and in my courage? Again +and again these questions rose in my mind and +poisoned my self-confidence. The one comfort I +had in those black days was the knowledge that no +one suspected the depth of the abyss in which I +dwelt. We were all struggling; to the indifferent +glance--and all glances were indifferent--my struggle +was no worse than that of my classmates whose +rooms and frugal meals were given them. + +After a few months of this existence I was almost +ready to believe that the Lord's work for me lay +outside of the ministry, and while this fear was +gripping me a serious crisis came in my financial +affairs. The day dawned when I had not a cent, +nor any prospect of earning one. My stock of +provisions consisted of a box of biscuit, and my +courage was flowing from me like blood from an +opened vein. Then came one of the quick turns +of the wheel of chance which make for optimism. +Late in the afternoon I was asked to do a week of +revival work with a minister in a local church, and +when I accepted his invitation I mentally resolved +to let that week decide my fate. My shoes had +burst open at the sides; for lack of car-fare I had +to walk to and from the scene of my meetings, though +I had barely strength for the effort. If my week +of work brought me enough to buy a pair of cheap +shoes and feed me for a few days I would, I decided, +continue my theological course. If it did not, I +would give up the fight. + +Never have I worked harder or better than during +those seven days, when I put into the effort not +only my heart and soul, but the last flame of my +dying vitality, We had a rousing revival--one of +the good old-time affairs when the mourners' benches +were constantly filled and the air resounded with +alleluias. The excitement and our success, mildly +aided by the box of biscuit, sustained me through the +week, and not until the last night did I realize how +much of me had gone into this final desperate charge +of mine. Then, the service over and the people +departed, I sank, weak and trembling, into a chair, +trying to pull myself together before hearing my +fate in the good-night words of the minister I had +assisted. When he came to me and began to com- +pliment me on the work I had done, I could not +rise. I sat still and listened with downcast eyes, +afraid to lift them lest he read in them something +of my need and panic in this moment when my whole +future seemed at stake. + +At first his words rolled around the empty church +as if they were trying to get away from me, but +at last I began to catch them. I was, it seemed, +a most desirable helper. It had been a privilege +and a pleasure to be associated with me. Beyond +doubt, I would go far in my career. He heartily +wished that he could reward me adequately. I +deserved fifty dollars. + +My tired heart fluttered at this. Probably my +empty stomach fluttered, too; but in the next +moment something seemed to catch my throat and +stop my breath. For it appeared that, notwith- +standing the enthusiasm and the spiritual uplift +of the week, the collections had been very disap- +pointing and the expenses unusually heavy. He +could not give me fifty dollars. He could not give +me anything at all. He thanked me warmly and +wished me good night. + +I managed to answer him and to get to my feet, +but that journey down the aisle from my chair to +the church door was the longest journey I have ever +made. During it I felt not only the heart-sick +disappointment of the moment, but the cumulative +unhappiness of the years to come. I was friend- +less, penniless, and starving, but it was not of these +conditions that I thought then. The one over- +whelming fact was that I had been weighed and +found wanting. I was not worthy. + +I stumbled along, passing blindly a woman who +stood on the street near the church entrance. She +stopped me, timidly, and held out her hand. Then +suddenly she put her arms around me and wept. +She was an old lady, and I did not know her, but it +seemed fitting that she should cry just then, as it +would have seemed fitting to me if at that black +moment all the people on the earth had broken into +sudden wailing. + +``Oh, Miss Shaw,'' she said, ``I'm the happiest +woman in the world, and I owe my happiness to +you. To-night you have converted my grandson. +He's all I have left, but he has been a wild boy, +and I've prayed over him for years. Hereafter he +is going to lead a different life. He has just given +me his promise on his knees.'' + +Her hand fumbled in her purse. + +``I am a poor woman,'' she went on, ``but I have +enough, and I want to make you a little present. +I know how hard life is for you young students.'' + +She pressed a bill into my fingers. ``It's very +little,'' she said, humbly; ``it is only five dollars.'' + +I laughed, and in that exultant moment I seemed +to hear life laughing with me. With the passing +of the bill from her hand to mine existence had +become a new experience, wonderful and beautiful. + +``It's the biggest gift I have ever had,'' I told her. +``This little bill is big enough to carry my future +on its back!'' + +I had a good meal that night, and I bought the +shoes the next morning. Infinitely more sustaining +than the food, however, was the conviction that +the Lord was with me and had given me a sign of +His approval. The experience was the turning- +point of my theological career. When the money +was gone I succeeded in obtaining more work from +time to time--and though the grind was still cruelly +hard, I never again lost hope. The theological school +was on Bromfield Street, and we students climbed +three flights of stairs to reach our class-rooms. +Through lack of proper food I had become too +weak to ascend these stairs without sitting down +once or twice to rest, and within a month after my +experience with the appreciative grandmother I +was discovered during one of these resting periods +by Mrs. Barrett, the superintendent of the Woman's +Foreign Missionary Society, which had offices in +our building. She stopped, looked me over, and +then invited me into her room, where she asked +me if I felt ill. I assured her that I did not. She +asked a great many additional questions and, little +by little, under the womanly sympathy of them, +my reserve broke down and she finally got at the +truth, which until that hour I had succeeded in +concealing. She let me leave without much com- +ment, but the next day she again invited me into +her office and came directly to the purpose of the +interview. + +``Miss Shaw,'' she said, ``I have been talking to a +friend of mine about you, and she would like to +make a bargain with you. She thinks you are work- +ing too hard. She will pay you three dollars and +a half a week for the rest of this school year if +you will promise to give up your preaching. She +wants you to rest, study, and take care of your +health.'' + +I asked the name of my unknown friend, but +Mrs. Barrett said that was to remain a secret. She +had been given a check for seventy-eight dollars, +and from this, she explained, my allowance would +be paid in weekly instalments. I took the money +very gratefully, and a few years later I returned +the amount to the Missionary Society; but I never +learned the identity of my benefactor. Her three +dollars and a half a week, added to the weekly two +dollars I was allowed for room rent, at once solved +the problem of living; and now that meal-hours +had a meaning in my life, my health improved and +my horizon brightened. I spent most of my evenings +in study, and my Sundays in the churches of Phil- +lips Brooks and James Freeman Clark, my favorite +ministers. Also, I joined the university's praying- +band of students, and took part in the missionary- +work among the women of the streets. I had never +forgotten my early friend in Lawrence, the beautiful +``mysterious lady'' who had loved me as a child, +and, in memory of her, I set earnestly about the +effort to help unfortunates of her class. I went +into the homes of these women, followed them to +the streets and the dance-halls, talked to them, +prayed with them, and made friends among them. +Some of them I was able to help, but many were +beyond help; and I soon learned that the effective +work in that field is the work which is done for +women before, not after, they have fallen. + +During my vacation in the summer of 1876 I went +to Cape Cod and earned my expenses by substituting +in local pulpits. Here, at East Dennis, I formed the +friendship which brought me at once the greatest +happiness and the deepest sorrow of that period of +my life. My new friend was a widow whose name +was Persis Addy, and she was also the daughter of +Captain Prince Crowell, then the most prominent +man in the Cape Cod community--a bank president, +a railroad director, and a citizen of wealth, as wealth +was rated in those days. When I returned to the +theological school in the autumn Mrs. Addy came +to Boston with me, and from that time until her +death, two years later, we lived together. She was +immensely interested in my work, and the friendly +part she took in it diverted her mind from the be- +reavement over which she had brooded for years, +while to me her coming opened windows into a new +world. I was no longer lonely; and though in my +life with her I paid my way to the extent of my +small income, she gave me my first experience of an +existence in which comfort and culture, recreation, +and leisurely reading were cheerful commonplaces. +For the first time I had some one to come home to, +some one to confide in, some one to talk to, listen +to, and love. We read together and went to con- +certs together; and it was during this winter that I +attended my first theatrical performance. The star +was Mary Anderson, in ``Pygmalion and Galatea,'' +and play and player charmed me so utterly that I +saw them every night that week, sitting high in the +gallery and enjoying to the utmost the unfolding of +this new delight. It was so glowing a pleasure that +I longed to make some return to the giver of it; but +not until many years afterward, when I met Ma- +dame Navarro in London, was I able to tell her +what the experience had been and to thank her +for it. + +I did not long enjoy the glimpses into my new +world, for soon, and most tragically, it was closed +to me. In the spring following our first Boston +winter together Mrs. Addy and I went to Hingham, +Massachusetts, where I had been appointed tempo- +rary pastor of the Methodist Church. There Mrs. +Addy was taken ill, and as she grew steadily worse +we returned to Boston to live near the best availa- +ble physicians, who for months theorized over her +malady without being able to diagnose it. At last +her father, Captain Crowell, sent to Paris for Dr. +Brown-Sequard, then the most distinguished special- +ist of his day, and Dr. Brown-Sequard, when he +arrived and examined his patient, discovered that +she had a tumor on the brain. She had had a great +shock in her life--the tragic death of her husband +at sea during their wedding tour around the world-- +and it was believed that her disease dated from that +time. Nothing could be done for her, and she failed +daily during our second year together, and died in +March, 1878, just before I finished my theological +course and while I was still temporary pastor of the +church at Hingham. Every moment I could take +from my parish and my studies I spent with her, and +those were sorrowful months. In her poor, tortured +brain the idea formed that I, not she, was the sick +person in our family of two, and when we were at +home together she insisted that I must lie down and +let her nurse me; then for hours she brooded over +me, trying to relieve the agony she believed I was +experiencing. When at last she was at peace her +father and I took her home to Cape Cod and laid +her in the graveyard of the little church where we +had met at the beginning of our brief and beautiful +friendship; and the subsequent loneliness I felt +was far greater than any I had ever suffered in the +past, for now I had learned the meaning of com- +panionship. + +Three months after Mrs. Addy's death I grad- +uated. She had planned to take me abroad, and +during our first winter together we had spent count- +less hours talking and dreaming of our European +wanderings. When she found that she must die she +made her will and left me fifteen hundred dollars +for the visit to Europe, insisting that I must carry +out the plan we had made; and during her conscious +periods she constantly talked of this and made me +promise that I would go. After her death it seemed +to me that to go without her was impossible. Every- +thing of beauty I looked upon would hold memories +of her, keeping fresh my sorrow and emphasizing +my loneliness; but it was her last expressed desire +that I should go, and I went. + +First, however, I had graduated--clad in a brand- +new black silk gown, and with five dollars in my +pocket, which I kept there during the graduation +exercises. I felt a special satisfaction in the pos- +session of that money, for, notwithstanding the +handicap of being a woman, I was said to be the +only member of my class who had worked during +the entire course, graduated free from debt, and +had a new outfit as well as a few dollars in cash. + +I graduated without any special honors. Pos- +sibly I might have won some if I had made the effort, +but my graduation year, as I have just explained, +had been very difficult. As it was, I was merely a +good average student, feeling my isolation as the +only woman in my class, but certainly not spurring +on my men associates by the display of any brilliant +gifts. Naturally, I missed a great deal of class +fellowship and class support, and throughout my +entire course I rarely entered my class-room with- +out the abysmal conviction that I was not really +wanted there. But some of the men were good- +humoredly cordial, and several of them are among +my friends to-day. Between myself and my family +there still existed the breach I had created when +I began to preach. With the exception of Mary and +James, my people openly regarded me, during my +theological course, as a dweller in outer darkness, +and even my mother's love was clouded by what +she felt to be my deliberate and persistent flouting +of her wishes. + +Toward the end of my university experience, how- +ever, an incident occurred which apparently changed +my mother's viewpoint. She was now living with +my sister Mary, in Big Rapids, Michigan, and, on +the occasion of one of my rare and brief visits to +them I was invited to preach in the local church. +Here, for the first time, my mother heard me. +Dutifully escorted by one of my brothers, she at- +tended church that morning in a state of shivering +nervousness. I do not know what she expected me +to do or say, but toward the end of the sermon it +became clear that I had not justified her fears. +The look of intense apprehension left her eyes, her +features relaxed into placidity, and later in the day +she paid me the highest compliment I had yet re- +ceived from a member of my family. + +``I liked the sermon very much,'' she peacefully +told my brother. ``Anna didn't say anything about +hell, or about anything else!'' + +When we laughed at this handsome tribute, she +hastened to qualify it. + +``What I mean,'' she explained, ``is that Anna +didn't say anything objectionable in the pulpit!'' +And with this recognition I was content. + +Between the death of my friend and my departure +for Europe I buried myself in the work of the uni- +versity and of my little church; and as if in answer +to the call of my need, Mary E. Livermore, who had +given me the first professional encouragement I +had ever received, re-entered my life. Her husband, +like myself, was pastor of a church in Hingham, and +whenever his finances grew low, or there was need +of a fund for some special purpose--conditions that +usually exist in a small church--his brilliant wife +came to his assistance and raised the money, while +her husband retired modestly to the background +and regarded her with adoring eyes. On one of +these occasions, I remember, when she entered the +pulpit to preach her sermon, she dropped her bon- +net and coat on an unoccupied chair. A little later +there was need of this chair, and Mr. Livermore, +who sat under the pulpit, leaned forward, picked up +the garments, and, without the least trace of self- +consciousness, held them in his lap throughout the +sermon. One of the members of the church, who +appeared to be irritated by the incident, later spoke +of it to him and added, sardonically, ``How does it +feel to be merely `Mrs. Livermore's husband'?'' + +In reply Mr. Livermore flashed on him one of his +charming smiles. ``Why, I'm very proud of it,'' +he said, with the utmost cheerfulness. ``You see, +I'm the only man in the world who has that dis- +tinction.'' + +They were a charming couple, the Livermores, +and they deserved far more than they received from +a world to which they gave so freely and so richly. +To me, as to others, they were more than kind; and +I never recall them without a deep feeling of grati- +tude and an equally deep sense of loss in their passing. + +It was during this period, also, that I met Frances +E. Willard. There was a great Moody revival in +progress in Boston, and Miss Willard was the right- +hand assistant of Mr. Moody. To her that revival +must have been marked with a star, for during it +she met for the first time Miss Anna Gordon, who +became her life-long friend and her biographer. +The meetings also laid the foundation of our friend- +ship, and for many years Miss Willard and I were +closely associated in work and affection. + +On the second or third night of the revival, dur- +ing one of the ``mixed meetings,'' attended by both +women and men, Mr. Moody invited those who were +willing to talk to sinners to come to the front. I +went down the aisle with others, and found a seat +near Miss Willard, to whom I was then introduced +by some one who knew us both. I wore my hair +short in those days, and I had a little fur cap on my +head. Though I had been preaching for several +years, I looked absurdly young--far too young, it +soon became evident, to interest Mr. Moody. He +was already moving about among the men and +women who had responded to his invitation, and +one by one he invited them to speak, passing me +each time until at last I was left alone. Then he +took pity on me and came to my side to whisper +kindly that I had misunderstood his invitation. +He did not want young girls to talk to his people, +he said, but mature women with worldly experi- +ence. He advised me to go home to my mother, +adding, to soften the blow, that some time in the +future when there were young girls at the meeting +I could come and talk to them. + +I made no explanations to him, but started to +leave, and Miss Willard, who saw me departing, fol- +lowed and stopped me. She asked why I was going, +and I told her that Mr. Moody had sent me home +to grow. Frances Willard had a keen sense of humor, +and she enjoyed the joke so thoroughly that she +finally convinced me it was amusing, though at first +the humor of it had escaped me. She took me back +to Mr. Moody and explained the situation to him, +and he apologized and put me to work. He said +he had thought I was about sixteen. After that I +occasionally helped him in the intervals of my other +work. + +The time had come to follow Mrs. Addy's wishes +and go to Europe, and I sailed in the month of +June following my graduation, and traveled for three +months with a party of tourists under the direction +of Eben Tourgee, of the Boston Conservatory of +Music. We landed in Glasgow, and from there +went to England, Belgium, Holland, Germany, +France, and last of all to Italy. Our company in- +cluded many clergymen and a never-to-be-forgotten +widow whose light-hearted attitude toward the mem- +ory of her departed spouse furnished the comedy +of our first voyage. It became a pet diversion to +ask her if her husband still lived, for she always +answered the question in the same mournful words, +and with the same manner of irrepressible gaiety. + +``Oh no!'' she would chirp. ``My dear departed +has been in our Heavenly Father's house for the +past eight years!'' + +At its best, the vacation without my friend was +tragically incomplete, and only a few of its incidents +stand out with clearness across the forty-six years +that have passed since then. One morning, I re- +member, I preached an impromptu sermon in the +Castle of Heidelberg before a large gathering; and +a little later, in Genoa, I preached a very different +sermon to a wholly different congregation. There +was a gospel-ship in the harbor, and one Saturday +the pastor of it came ashore to ask if some American +clergyman in our party would preach on his ship +the next morning. He was an old-time, orthodox +Presbyterian, and from the tips of his broad-soled +shoes to the severe part in the hair above his sancti- +monious brow he looked the type. I was not pres- +sent when he called at our hotel, and my absence +gave my fellow-clergymen an opportunity to play a +joke on the gentleman from the gospel-ship. They +assured him that ``Dr. Shaw'' would preach for him, +and the pastor returned to his post greatly pleased. +When they told me of his invitation, however, they +did not add that they had neglected to tell him Dr. +Shaw was a woman, and I was greatly elated by +the compliment I thought had been paid me. + +Our entire party of thirty went out to the gospel- +ship the next morning, and when the pastor came +to meet us, lank and forbidding, his austere lips vainly +trying to curve into a smile of welcome, they intro- +duced me to him as the minister who was to deliver +the sermon. He had just taken my hand; he +dropped it as if it had burned his own. For a mo- +ment he had no words to meet the crisis. Then he +stuttered something to the effect that the situation +was impossible that his men would not listen to +a woman, that they would mob her, that it would +be blasphemous for a woman to preach. My asso- +ciates, who had so light-heartedly let me in for this +unpleasant experience, now realized that they must +see me through it. They persuaded him to allow +me to preach the sermon. + +With deep reluctance the pastor finally accepted +me and the situation; but when the moment came +to introduce me, he devoted most of his time to +heartfelt apologies for my presence. He explained +to the sailors that I was a woman, and fervidly +assured them that he himself was not responsible +for my appearance there. With every word he ut- +tered he put a brick in the wall he was building be- +tween me and the crew, until at last I felt that I +could never get past it. I was very unhappy, very +lonely, very homesick; and suddenly the thought +came to me that these men, notwithstanding their +sullen eyes and forbidding faces, might be lonely +and homesick, too. I decided to talk to them as a +woman and not as a minister, and I came down from +the pulpit and faced them on their own level, look- +ing them over and mentally selecting the hardest +specimens of the lot as the special objects of my +appeal. One old fellow, who looked like a pirate +with his red-rimmed eyes, weather-beaten skin, and +fimbriated face, grinned up at me in such sardonic +challenge that I walked directly in front of him and +began to speak. I said: + +``My friends, I hope you will forget everything +Dr. Blank has just said. It is true that I am a +minister, and that I came here to preach. But now +I do not intend to preach--only to have a friendly +talk, on a text which is not in the Bible. I am very +far from home, and I feel as homesick as some of +you men look. So my text is, `Blessed are the home- +sick, for they shall go home.' '' + +In my summers at Cape Cod I had learned some- +thing about sailors. I knew that in the inprepos- +sessing congregation before me there were many +boys who had run away from home, and men who +had left home because of family troubles. I talked +to the young men first, to those who had forgotten +their mothers and thought their mothers had for- +gotten them, and I told of my experiences with +waiting, heavy-hearted mothers who had sons at +sea. Some heads went down at that, and here and +there I saw a boy gulp, but the old fellow I was par- +ticularly anxious to move still grinned up at me like +a malicious monkey. Then I talked of the sailor's +wife, and of her double burden of homemaking and +anxiety, and soon I could pick out some of the hus- +bands by their softened faces. But still my old +man grinned and squinted. Last of all I described +the whalers who were absent from home for years, +and who came back to find their children and their +grandchildren waiting for them. I told how I had +seen them, in our New England coast towns, covered, +as a ship is covered with barnacles, by grandchildren +who rode on their shoulders and sat astride of their +necks as they walked down the village streets. And +now at last the sneer left my old man's loose lips. +He had grandchildren somewhere. He twisted un- +easily in his seat, coughed, and finally took out a big +red handkerchief and wiped his eyes. The episode +encouraged me. + +``When I came here,'' I added, ``I intended to +preach a sermon on `The Heavenly Vision.' Now I +want to give you a glimpse of that in addition to +the vision we have had of home.'' + +I ended with a bit of the sermon and a prayer, +and when I raised my head the old man of the sar- +donic grin was standing before me. + +``Missus,'' he said in a husky whisper, ``I'd like +to shake your hand.'' + +I took his hard old fist, and then, seeing that +many of the other sailors were beginning to move +hospitably but shyly toward me, I said: + +``I would like to shake hands with every man +here.'' + +At the words they surged forward, and the affair +became a reception, during which I shook hands +with every sailor of my congregation. The next day +my hand was swollen out of shape, for the sailors had +gripped it as if they were hauling on a hawser; but +the experience was worth the discomfort. The best +moment of the morning came, however, when the +pastor of the ship faced me, goggle-eyed and mar- +veling. + +``I wouldn't have believed it,'' was all he could +say. ``I thought the men would mob you.'' + +``Why should they mob me?'' I wanted to know. + +``Why,'' he stammered, ``because the thing is so +--so--unnatural.'' + +``Well,'' I said, ``if it is unnatural for women to +talk to men, we have been living in an unnatural +world for a long time. Moreover, if it is unnatural, +why did Jesus send a woman out as the first preach- +er?'' + +He waived a discussion of that question by invit- +ing us all to his cabin to drink wine with him--and +as we were ``total abstainers,'' it seemed as un- +natural to us to have him offer us wine as a woman's +preaching had seemed to him. + +The next European incident on which memory +throws a high-light was our audience with Pope +Leo XIII. As there were several distinguished +Americans in our party, a private audience was ar- +ranged for us, and for days before the time appointed +we nervously rehearsed the etiquette of the oc- +casion. When we reached the Vatican we were +marched between rows of Swiss Guards to the +Throne Room, only to learn there that we were to +be received in the Tapestry Room. Here we found +a very impressive assemblage of cardinals and +Vatican officials, and while we were still lost in the +beauty of the picture they made against the room's +superb background, the approach of the Pope was +announced. Every one immediately knelt, except a +few persons who tried to show their democracy by +standing; but I am sure that even these individuals +felt a thrill when the slight, exquisite figure appeared +at the door and gave us a general benediction. Then +the Pope passed slowly down the line, offering his +hand to each of us, and radiating a charm so gracious +and so human that few failed to respond to the +appeal of his engaging personality. There was +nothing fleshly about Leo XIII. His body was so +frail, so wraithlike, that one almost expected to see +through it the magnificent tapestries on the walls. +But from the moment he appeared every eye clung +to him, every thought was concentrated upon him. +This effect I think he would have produced even if +he had come among us unrecognized, for through +the thin shell that housed it shone the steady flame +of a wonderful spirit. + +I had previously remarked to my friends that +kissing the Pope's ring after so many other lips had +touched it did not appeal to me as hygienic, and that +I intended to kiss his hand instead. When my op- +portunity came I kept my word; but after I had +kissed the venerable hand I remained kneeling for +an instant with bowed head, a little aghast at my +daring. The gentle Father thought, however, that +I was waiting for a special blessing. He gave it to +me gravely and passed on, and I devoted the next +few hours to ungodly crowing over the associ- +ates who had received no such individual atten- +tion. + +In Venice we attended the great fete celebrating +the first visit of King Humbert and Queen Mar- +gherita. It was also the first time Venice had en- +tertained a queen since the Italian union, and the +sea-queen of the Adriatic outdid herself in the gor- +geousness and the beauty of her preparations. The +Grand Canal was like a flowing rainbow, reflecting +the brilliant decorations on every side, and at night +the moonlight, the music, the chiming church-bells, +the colored lanterns, the gay voices, the lapping +waters against the sides of countless gondolas made +the experience seem like a dream of a new and un- +believably beautiful world. Forty thousand per- +sons were gathered in the Square of St. Mark and +in front of the Palace, and I recall a pretty incident +in which the gracious Queen and a little street +urchin figured. The small, ragged boy had crept +as close to the royal balcony as he dared, and then, +unobserved, had climbed up one of its pillars. At +the moment when a sudden hush had fallen on the +crowd this infant, overcome by patriotism and a +glimpse of the royal lady on the balcony above him, +suddenly piped up shrilly in the silence. `` Long live +the Queen!'' he cried. ``Long live the Queen!'' + +The gracious Margherita heard the childish voice, +and, amused and interested, leaned over the bal- +cony to see where it came from. What she saw +doubtless touched the mother-heart in her. She +caught the eye of the tattered urchin clinging to the +pillar, and radiantly smiled on him. Then, prob- +ably thinking that the King was absorbing the at- +tention of the great assemblage, she indulged in a +little diversion. Leaning far forward, she kissed the +tip of her lace handkerchief and swept it caressingly +across the boy's brown cheek, smiling down at him +as unconsciously as if she and the enraptured young- +ster were alone together in the world. The next +instant she had straightened up and flushed, for the +watchful crowd had seen the episode and was wild +with enthusiasm. For ten minutes the people +cheered the Queen without ceasing, and for the next +few days they talked of little but the spontaneous, +girlish action which had delighted them all. + +One more sentimental record, and I shall have +reached another mile-stone. As I have said, my +friend Mrs. Addy left me in her will fifteen hundred +dollars for my visit to Europe, and before I sailed +her father, who was one of the best friends I have +ever had, made a characteristically kind proposition +in connection with the little fund. Instead of giving +me the money, he gave me two railroad bonds, one +for one thousand dollars, the other for five hundred +dollars, and each drawing seven per cent. interest. +He suggested that I deposit these bonds in the bank +of which he was president, and borrow from the +bank the money to go abroad. Then, when I re- +turned and went into my new parish, I could use +some of my salary every month toward repaying +the loan. These monthly payments, he explained, +could be as small as I wished, but each month the +interest on the amount I paid would cease. I glad- +ly took his advice and borrowed seven hundred +dollars. After I returned from Europe I repaid the +loan in monthly instalments, and eventually got my +bonds, which I still own. They will mature in 1916. +I have had one hundred and five dollars a year from +them, in interest, ever since I received them in 1878 +--more than twice as much interest as their face +value--and every time I have gone abroad I have +used this interest toward paying my passage. Thus +my friend has had a share in each of the many visits +I have made to Europe, and in all of them her +memory has been vividly with me. + +With my return from Europe my real career as +a minister began. The year in the pulpit at Hing- +ham had been merely tentative, and though I had +succeeded in building up the church membership to +four times what it had been when I took charge, I +was not reappointed. I had paid off a small church +debt, and had had the building repaired, painted, and +carpeted. Now that it was out of its difficulties it +offered some advantages to the occupant of its pul- +pit, and of these my successor, a man, received the +benefit. I, however, had small ground for com- +plaint, for I was at once offered and accepted the +pastorate of a church at East Dennis, Cape Cod. +Here I went in October, 1878, and here I spent seven +of the most interesting years of my life. + + + +V + +SHEPHERD OF A DIVIDED FLOCK + +On my return from Europe, as I have said, I +took up immediately and most buoyantly the +work of my new parish. My previous occupation +of various pulpits, whether long or short, had always +been in the role of a substitute. Now, for the first +time, I had a church of my own, and was to stand +or fall by the record made in it. The ink was barely +dry on my diploma from the Boston Theological +School, and, as it happened, the little church to +which I was called was in the hands of two warring +factions, whose battles furnished the most fervid +interest of the Cape Cod community. But my in- +experience disturbed me not at all, and I was bliss- +fully ignorant of the division in the congregation. +So I entered my new field as trustfully as a child +enters a garden; and though I was in trouble from +the beginning, and resigned three times in startling +succession, I ended by remaining seven years. + +My appointment did not cause even a lull in the +warfare among my parishioners. Before I had +crossed the threshold of my church I was made to +realize that I was shepherd of a divided flock. +Exactly what had caused the original breach I never +learned; but it had widened with time, until it +seemed that no peacemaker could build a bridge +large enough to span it. As soon as I arrived in +East Dennis each faction tried to pour into my ears +its bitter criticisms of the other, but I made and +consistently followed the safe rule of refusing to +listen to either side, I announced publicly that I +would hear no verbal charges whatever, but that if +my two flocks would state their troubles in writing +I would call a board meeting to discuss and pass +upon them. This they both resolutely refused to +do (it was apparently the first time they had ever +agreed on any point); and as I steadily declined +to listen to complaints, they devised an original +method of putting them before me. + +During the regular Thursday-night prayer-meet- +ing, held about two weeks after my arrival, and at +which, of course, I presided, they voiced their diffi- +culties in public prayer, loudly and urgently calling +upon the Lord to pardon such and such a liar, men- +tioning the gentleman by name, and such and such +a slanderer, whose name was also submitted. By +the time the prayers were ended there were few un- +tarnished reputations in the congregation, and I +knew, perforce, what both sides had to say. + +The following Thursday night they did the same +thing, filling their prayers with intimate and sur- +prising details of one another's history, and I en- +dured the situation solely because I did not know +how to meet it. I was still young, and my theo- +logical course had set no guide-posts on roads as +new as these. To interfere with souls in their com- +munion with God seemed impossible; to let them +continue to utter personal attacks in church, under +cover of prayer, was equally impossible. Any course I +could follow seemed to lead away from my new parish, +yet both duty and pride made prompt action neces- +sary. By the time we gathered for the third prayer- +meeting I had decided what to do, and before the +services began I rose and addressed my erring chil- +dren. I explained that the character of the prayers +at our recent meetings was making us the laughing- +stock of the community, that unbelievers were +ridiculing our religion, and that the discipline of +the church was being wrecked; and I ended with +these words, each of which I had carefully weighed: + +``Now one of two things must happen. Either +you will stop this kind of praying, or you will re- +main away from our meetings. We will hold prayer- +meetings on another night, and I shall refuse ad- +mission to any among you who bring personal criti- +cisms into your public prayers.'' + +As I had expected it to do, the announcement +created an immediate uproar. Both factions sprang +to their feet, trying to talk at once. The storm +raged until I dismissed the congregation, telling the +members that their conduct was an insult to the +Lord, and that I would not listen to either their +protests or their prayers. They went unwillingly, +but they went; and the excitement the next day +raised the sick from their beds to talk of it, and +swept the length and breadth of Cape Cod. The +following Sunday the little church held the largest +attendance in its history. Seemingly, every man +and woman in town had come to hear what more +I would say about the trouble, but I ignored the +whole matter. I preached the sermon I had pre- +pared, the subject of which was as remote from +church quarrels as our atmosphere was remote from +peace, and my congregation dispersed with expres- +sions of such artless disappointment that it was all +I could do to preserve a dignified gravity. + +That night, however, the war was brought into +my camp. At the evening meeting the leader of one +of the factions rose to his feet with the obvious pur- +pose of starting trouble. He was a retired sea-cap- +tain, of the ruthless type that knocks a man down +with a belaying-pin, and he made his attack on me +in a characteristically ``straight from the shoulder'' +fashion. He began with the proposition that my +morning sermon had been ``entirely contrary to the +Scriptures,'' and for ten minutes he quoted and mis- +quoted me, hammering in his points. I let him go +on without interruption. Then he added: + +``And this gal comes to this church and under- +takes to tell us how we shall pray. That's a high- +handed measure, and I, for one, ain't goin' to stand +it. I want to say right here that I shall pray as I +like, when I like, and where I like. I have prayed +in this heavenly way for fifty years before that gal +was born, and she can't dictate to me now!'' + +By this time the whole congregation was aroused, +and cries of ``Sit down!'' ``Sit down!'' came from +every side of the church. It was a hard moment, +but I was able to rise with some show of dignity. +I was hurt through and through, but my fighting +blood was stirring. + +``No,'' I said, ``Captain Sears has the floor. Let +him say now all he wishes to say, for it is the last +time he will ever speak at one of our meetings.'' + +Captain Sears, whose exertions had already made +him apoplectic, turned a darker purple. ``What's +that?'' he shouted. ``What d'ye mean?'' + +``I mean,'' I replied, ``that I do not intend to +allow you or anybody else to interfere with my +meetings. You are a sea-captain. What would +you do to me if I came on board your ship and +started a mutiny in your crew, or tried to give you +orders?'' + +Captain Sears did not reply. He stood still, with +his legs far apart and braced, as he always stood +when talking, but his eyes shifted a little. I answered +my own question. + +``You would put me ashore or in irons,'' I re- +minded him. ``Now, Captain Sears, I intend to +put you ashore. I am the master of this ship. I +have set my course, and I mean to follow it. If +you rebel, either you will get out or I will. But +until the board asks for my resignation, I am in +command.'' + +As it happened, I had put my ultimatum in the +one form the old man could understand. He sat +down without a word and stared at me. We sang +the Doxology, and I dismissed the meeting. Again +we had omitted prayers. The next day Captain +Sears sent me a letter recalling his subscription tow- +ard the support of the church; and for weeks he +remained away from our services, returning under +conditions I will mention later. Even at the time, +however, his attack helped rather than hurt me. +At the regular meeting the following Thursday +night no personal criticisms were included in the +prayers, and eventually we had peace. But many +battles were lost and won before that happy day +arrived. + +Captain Sears's vacant place among us was +promptly taken by another captain in East Dennis, +whose name was also Sears. A few days after my +encounter with the first captain I met the second on +the street. He had never come to church, and I +stopped and invited him to do so. He replied with +simple candor. + +``I ain't comin','' he told me. ``There ain't no +gal that can teach me nothin'.'' + +``Perhaps you are wrong, Captain Sears,'' I re- +plied. ``I might teach you something.'' + +``What?'' demanded the captain, with chilling +distrust. + +``Oh,'' I said, cheerfully, ``let us say tolerance, for +one thing.'' + +``Humph!'' muttered the old man. ``The Lord +don't want none of your tolerance, and neither +do I.'' + +I laughed. ``He doesn't object to tolerance,'' I +said. ``Come to church. You can talk, too; and +the Lord will listen to us both.'' + +To my surprise, the captain came the following +Sunday, and during the seven years I remained in +the church he was one of my strongest supporters +and friends. I needed friends, for my second battle +was not slow in following my first. There was, in- +deed, barely time between in which to care for the +wounded. + +We had in East Dennis what was known as the +``Free Religious Group,'' and when some of the +members of my congregation were not wrangling +among themselves, they were usually locking horns +with this group. For years, I was told, one of the +prime diversions of the ``Free Religious'' faction +was to have a dance in our town hall on the night +when we were using it for our annual church fair. +The rules of the church positively prohibited danc- +ing, so the worldly group took peculiar pleasure in +attending the fair, and during the evening in getting +up a dance and whirling about among us, to the +horror of our members. Then they spent the re- +mainder of the year boasting of the achievement. +It came to my ears that they had decided to follow +this pleasing programme at our Christmas church +celebration, so I called the church trustees together +and put the situation to them. + +``We must either enforce our discipline,'' I said, +``or give it up. Personally I do not object to danc- +ing, but, as the church has ruled against it, I intend +to uphold the church. To allow these people to +make us ridiculous year after year is impossible. +Let us either tell them that they may dance or that +they may not dance; but whatever we tell them, +let us make them obey our ruling.'' + +The trustees were shocked at the mere suggestion +of letting them dance. + +``Very well,'' I ended. ``Then they shall not +dance. That is understood.'' + +Captain Crowell, the father of my dead friend +Mrs. Addy, and himself my best man friend, was a +strong supporter of the Free Religious Group. +When its members raced to him with the news that +I had said they could not dance at the church's +Christmas party, Captain Crowell laughed good- +humoredly and told them to dance as much as they +pleased, cheerfully adding that he would get them +out of any trouble they got into. Knowing my +friendship for him, and that I even owed my church +appointment to him, the Free Religious people +were certain that I would never take issue with him +on dancing or on any other point. They made all +their preparations for the dance, therefore, with +entire confidence, and boasted that the affair would +be the gayest they had ever arranged. My people +began to look at me with sympathy, and for a time +I felt very sorry for myself. It seemed sufficiently +clear that ``the gal'' was to have more trouble. + +On the night of the party things went badly from +the first. There was an evident intention among +the worst of the Free Religious Group to embarrass +us at every turn. We opened the exercises with the +Lord's Prayer, which this element loudly applauded. +A live kitten was hung high on the Christmas tree, +where it squalled mournfully beyond reach of +rescue, and the young men of the outside group +threw cake at one another across the hall. Finally +tiring of these innocent diversions, they began to +prepare for their dance, and I protested. The +spokesman of the group waved me to one side. + +``Captain Crowell said we could,'' he remarked, +airily. + +``Captain Crowell,'' I replied, ``has no authority +whatever in this matter. The church trustees have +decided that you cannot dance here, and I intend +to enforce their ruling.'' + +It was interesting to observe how rapidly the +men of my congregation disappeared from that hall. +Like shadows they crept along the walls and vanished +through the doors. But the preparations for the +dance went merrily on. I walked to the middle of +the room and raised my voice. I was always listened +to, for my hearers always had the hope, usually +realized, that I was about to get into more trouble. + +``You are determined to dance,'' I began. ``I +cannot keep you from doing so. But I can and will +make you regret that you have done so. The law +of the State of Massachusetts is very definite in re- +gard to religious meetings and religious gatherings. +This hall was engaged and paid for by the Wesleyan +Methodist Church, of which I am pastor, and we +have full control of it to-night. Every man and +woman who interrupts our exercises by attempting +to dance, or by creating a disturbance of any kind, +will be arrested to-morrow morning.'' + +Surprise at first, then consternation, swept through +the ranks of the Free Religious Group. They denied +the existence of such a law as I had mentioned, and +I promptly read it aloud to them. The leaders went +off into a corner and consulted. By this time not +one man in my parish was left in the hall. As a +result of the consultation in the corner, a committee +of the would-be dancers came to me and suggested +a compromise. + +``Will you agree to arrest the men only?'' they +wanted to know. + +``No,'' I declared. ``On the contrary, I shall have +the women arrested first! For the women ought to +be standing with me now in the support of law and +order, instead of siding with the hoodlum element +you represent.'' + +That settled it. No girl or woman dared to go +on the dancing-floor, and no man cared to revolve +merrily by himself. A whisper went round, how- +ever, that the dance would begin when I had left. +When the clock struck twelve, at which hour, ac- +cording to the town rule, the hall had to be closed, +I was the last person to leave it. Then I locked the +door myself, and carried the key away with me. +There had been no Free Religious dance that night. + +On the following Sunday morning the attendance +at my church broke all previous records. Every +seat was occupied and every aisle was filled. Men +and women came from surrounding towns, and +strange horses were tied to all the fences in East +Dennis. Every person in that church was looking +for excitement, and this time my congregation got +what it expected. Before I began my sermon I +read my resignation, to take effect at the discretion +of the trustees. Then, as it was presumably my +last chance to tell the people and the place what I +thought of them, I spent an hour and a half in fer- +vidly doing so. In my study of English I had ac- +quired a fairly large vocabulary. I think I used it +all that morning--certainly I tried to. If ever an +erring congregation and community saw themselves +as they really were, mine did on that occasion. I +was heartsick, discouraged, and full of resentment +and indignation, which until then had been pent +up. Under the arraignment my people writhed +and squirmed. I ended: + +``What I am saying hurts you, but in your hearts +you know you deserve every word of it. It is high +time you saw yourselves as you are--a disgrace to +the religion you profess and to the community you +live in.'' + +I was not sure the congregation would let me +finish, but it did. My hearers seemed torn by +conflicting sentiments, in which anger and curios- +ity led opposing sides. Many of them left the +church in a white fury, but others--more than I had +expected--remained to speak to me and assure me +of their sympathy. Once on the streets, different +groups formed and mingled, and all day the little +town rocked with arguments for and against ``the gal.'' + +Night brought another surprisingly large attend- +ance. I expected more trouble, and I faced it with +difficulty, for I was very tired. Just as I took my +place in the pulpit, Captain Sears entered the church +and walked down the aisle--the Captain Sears who +had left us at my invitation some weeks before +and had not since attended a church service. I was +sure he was there to make another attack on me +while I was down, and, expecting the worst, I +wearily gave him his opportunity. The big old fel- +low stood up, braced himself on legs far apart, as +if he were standing on a slippery deck during a high +sea, and gave the congregation its biggest surprise +of the year. + +He said he had come to make a confession. He +had been angry with ``the gal'' in the past, as they +all knew. But he had heard about the sermon she +had preached that morning, and this time she was +right. It was high time quarreling and backbiting +were stopped. They had been going on too long, +and no good could come of them. Moreover, in +all the years he had been a member of that congre- +gation he had never until now seen the pulpit oc- +cupied by a minister with enough backbone to up- +hold the discipline of the church. ``I've come here +to say I'm with the gal,'' he ended. ``Put me down +for my original subscription and ten dollars extra!'' + +So we had the old man back again. He was a +tower of strength, and he stood by me faithfully +until he died. The trustees would not accept my +resignation (indeed, they refused to consider it at all), +and the congregation, when it had thought things +over, apparently decided that there might be worse +things in the pulpit than ``the gal.'' It was even +known to brag of what it called my ``spunk,'' and +perhaps it was this quality, rather than any other, +which I most needed in that particular parish at +that time. As for me, when the fight was over I +dropped it from my mind, and it had not entered +my thoughts for years, until I began to summon +these memories. + +At the end of my first six months in East Dennis +I was asked to take on, also, the temporary charge +of the Congregational Church at Dennis, two miles +and a half away. I agreed to do this until a per- +manent pastor could be found, on condition that I +should preach at Dennis on Sunday afternoons, using +the same sermon I preached in my own pulpit in the +morning. The arrangement worked so well that it +lasted for six and a half years--until I resigned from +my East Dennis church. During that period, more- +over, I not only carried the two churches on my +shoulders, holding three meetings each Sunday, but +I entered upon and completed a course in the +Boston Medical School, winning my M.D. in 1885, +and I also lectured several times a month during +the winter seasons. These were, therefore, among +the most strenuous as well as the most interesting +years of my existence, and I mention the strain of +them only to prove my life-long contention, that +congenial work, no matter how much there is of +it, has never yet killed any one! + +After my battle with the Free Religious Group +things moved much more smoothly in the parish. +Captain Crowell, instead of resenting my defiance +of his ruling, helped to reconcile the divided factions +in the church; and though, as I have said, twice +afterward I submitted my resignation, in each case +the fight I was making was for a cause which I +firmly believed in and eventually won. My second +resignation was brought about by the unwillingness +of the church to have me exchange pulpits with the +one minister on Cape Cod broad-minded enough to +invite me to preach in his pulpit. I had done so, +and had then sent him a return invitation. He was +a gentleman and a scholar, but he was also a Uni- +tarian; and though my people were willing to let +me preach in his church, they were loath to let him +preach in mine. After a surprising amount of dis- +cussion my resignation put a different aspect on the +matter; it also led to the satisfactory ruling that +I could exchange pulpits not only with this minister, +but with any other in good standing in his own +church. + +My third resignation went before the trustees in +consequence of my protest from the pulpit against +a small drinking and gambling saloon in East Dennis; +which was rapidly demoralizing our boys. Theo- +retically, only ``soft drinks'' were sold, but the +gambling was open, and the resort was constantly +filled with boys of all ages. There were influences +back of this place which tried to protect it, and its +owner was very popular in the town. After my first +sermon I was waited upon by a committee, that +warmly advised me to ``let East Dennis alone'' and +confine my criticisms ``to saloons in Boston and +other big towns.'' As I had nothing to do with +Boston, and much to do with East Dennis, I preached +on that place three Sundays in succession, and +feeling became so intense that I handed in my resig- +nation and prepared to depart. Then my friends +rallied and the resort was suppressed. + +That was my last big struggle. During the re- +maining five years of my pastorate on Cape Cod +the relations between my people and myself were +wholly harmonious and beautiful. If I have seemed +to dwell too much on these small victories, it must +be remembered that I find in them such comfort as +I can. I have not yet won the great and vital fight +of my life, to which I have given myself, heart and +soul, for the past thirty years--the campaign for +woman suffrage. I have seen victories here and +there, and shall see more. But when the ultimate +triumph comes--when American women in every +state cast their ballots as naturally as their husbands +do--I may not be in this world to rejoice over it. + +It is interesting to remember that during the +strenuous period of the first few months in East +Dennis, and notwithstanding the division in the +congregation, we women of the church got together +and repainted and refurnished the building, raising +all the money and doing much of the work ourselves, +as the expense of having it done was prohibitive. We +painted the church, and even cut down and mod- +ernized the pulpit. The total cost of material and +furniture was not half so great as the original esti- +mate had indicated, and we had learned a valuable +lesson. After this we spent very little money for +labor, but did our own cleaning, carpet-laying, and +the like; and our little church, if I may be allowed +to say so, was a model of neatness and good taste. + +I have said that at the end of two years from the +time of my appointment the long-continued war- +fare in the church was ended. I was not immediate- +ly allowed, however, to bask in an atmosphere of +harmony, for in October, 1880, the celebrated con- +test over my ordination took place at the Methodist +Protestant Conference in Tarrytown, New York; +and for three days I was a storm-center around which +a large number of truly good and wholly sincere +men fought the fight of their religious lives. Many +of them strongly believed that women were out of +place in the ministry. I did not blame them for +this conviction. But I was in the ministry, and I +was greatly handicapped by the fact that, although +I was a licensed preacher and a graduate of the +Boston Theological School, I could not, until I had +been regularly ordained, meet all the functions of +my office. I could perform the marriage service, +but I could not baptize. I could bury the dead, but +I could not take members into my church. That had +to be done by the presiding elder or by some other +minister. I could not administer the sacraments. +So at the New England Spring Conference of the +Methodist Episcopal Church, held in Boston in +1880, I formally applied for ordination. At the same +time application was made by another woman-- +Miss Anna Oliver--and as a preliminary step we +were both examined by the Conference board, and +were formally reported by that board as fitted for +ordination. Our names were therefore presented at +the Conference, over which Bishop Andrews pre- +sided, and he immediately refused to accept them. +Miss Oliver and I were sitting together in the gal- +lery of the church when the bishop announced his +decision, and, while it staggered us, it did not really +surprise us. We had been warned of this gentle- +man's deep-seated prejudice against women in the +ministry. + +After the services were over Miss Oliver and I +called on him and asked him what we should do. +He told us calmly that there was nothing for us to +do but to get out of the Church. We reminded him +of our years of study and probation, and that I had +been for two years in charge of two churches. He +set his thin lips and replied that there was no place +for women in the ministry, and, as he then evidently +considered the interview ended, we left him with +heavy hearts. While we were walking slowly away, +Miss Oliver confided to me that she did not intend +to leave the Church. Instead, she told me, she +would stay in and fight the matter of her ordination +to a finish. I, however, felt differently. I had done +considerable fighting during the past two years, and +my heart and soul were weary. I said: ``I shall get +out, I am no better and no stronger than a man, +and it is all a man can do to fight the world, the +flesh, and the devil, without fighting his Church as +well. I do not intend to fight my Church. But I +am called to preach the gospel; and if I cannot +preach it in my own Church, I will certainly preach +it in some other Church!'' + +As if in response to this outburst, a young min- +ister named Mark Trafton soon called to see me. +He had been present at our Conference, he had seen +my Church refuse to ordain me, and he had come to +suggest that I apply for ordination in his Church-- +the Methodist Protestant. To leave my Church, +even though urged to do so by its appointed spokes- +man, seemed a radical step. Before taking this I +appealed from the decision of the Conference to the +General Conference of the Methodist Episcopal +Church, which held its session that year in Cin- +cinnati, Ohio. Miss Oliver also appealed, and again +we were both refused ordination, the General Con- +ference voting to sustain Bishop Andrews in his +decision. Not content with this achievement, the +Conference even took a backward step. It deprived +us of the right to be licensed as local preachers. +After this blow I recalled with gratitude the Reverend +Mark Trafton's excellent advice, and I immediately +applied for ordination in the Methodist Protestant +Church. My name was presented at the Conference +held in Tarrytown in October, 1880, and the fight +was on. + +During these Conferences it is customary for each +candidate to retire while the discussion of his in- +dividual fitness for ordination is in progress. When +my name came up I was asked, as my predecessors +had been, to leave the room for a few moments. I +went into an anteroom and waited--a half-hour, an +hour, all afternoon, all evening, and still the battle +raged. I varied the monotony of sitting in the ante- +room by strolls around Tarrytown, and I think I +learned to know its every stone and turn. The next +day passed in the same way. At last, late on Saturday +night, it was suddenly announced by my opponents +that I was not even a member of the Church in +which I had applied for ordination. The statement +created consternation among my friends. None of +us had thought of that! The bomb, timed to ex- +plode at the very end of the session, threatened to +destroy all my hopes. Of course, my opponents +had reasoned, it would be too late for me to do +anything, and my name would be dropped. + +But it was not too late. Dr. Lyman Davis, the +pastor of the Methodist Protestant Church in Tarry- +town, was very friendly toward me and my ordina- +tion, and he proved his friendship in a singularly +prompt and efficient fashion. Late as it was, he +immediately called together the trustees of his +church, and they responded. To them I made my +application for church membership, which they ac- +cepted within five minutes. I was now a member +of the Church, but it was too late to obtain any +further action from the Conference. The next day, +Sunday, all the men who had applied for ordination +were ordained, and I was left out. + +On Monday morning, however, when the Con- +ference met in its final business session, my case was +reopened, and I was eventually called before the +members to answer questions. Some of these were +extremely interesting, and several of the episodes +that occurred were very amusing. One old gentle- +man I can see as I write. He was greatly excited, +and he led the opposition by racing up and down +the aisles, quoting from the Scriptures to prove his +case against women ministers. As he ran about he +had a trick of putting his arms under the back of +his coat, making his coat-tails stand out like wings +and incidentally revealing two long white tape- +strings belonging to a flannel undergarment. Even +in the painful stress of those hours I observed with +interest how beautifully those tape-strings were +ironed! + +I was there to answer any questions that were +asked of me, and the questions came like hail- +stones in a sudden summer storm. + +``Paul said, `Wives, obey your husbands,' '' shouted +my old man of the coat-tails. ``Suppose your hus- +band should refuse to allow you to preach? What +then?'' + +``In the first place,'' I answered, ``Paul did not +say so, according to the Scriptures. But even if he +did, it would not concern me, for I am a spinster.'' + +The old man looked me over. ``You might marry +some day,'' he predicted, cautiously. + +``Possibly,'' I admitted. ``Wiser women than I +am have married. But it is equally possible that I +might marry a man who would command me to +preach; and in that case I want to be all ready to +obey him.'' + +At this another man, a bachelor, also began to +draw from the Scriptures. ``An elder,'' he quoted, +``shall be the husband of one wife.'' And he de- +manded, triumphantly, ``How is it possible for you +to be the husband of a wife?'' + +In response to that I quoted a bit myself. ``Paul +said, `Anathema unto him who addeth to or taketh +from the Scriptures,' '' I reminded this gentleman; +and added that a twisted interpretation of the +Scriptures was as bad as adding to or taking from +them, and that no one doubted that Paul was +warning the elders against polygamy. Then I went +a bit further, for by this time the absurd character +of the questions was getting on my nerves. + +``Even if my good brother's interpretation is cor- +rect,'' I said, ``he has overlooked two important +points. Though he is an elder, he is also a bachelor; +so I am as much of a husband as he is!'' + +A good deal of that sort of thing went on. The +most satisfactory episode of the session, to me, was +the downfall of three pert young men who in turn +tried to make it appear that as the duty of the Con- +ference was to provide churches for all its pastors, +I might become a burden to the Church if it proved +impossible to provide a pastorate for me. At that, +one of my friends in the council rose to his feet. + +``I have had official occasion to examine into the +matter of Miss Shaw's parish and salary,'' he said, +``and I know what salaries the last three speakers +are drawing. It may interest the Conference to +know that Miss Shaw's present salary equals the +combined salaries of the three young men who are +so afraid she will be a burden to the Church. If, +before being ordained, she can earn three times as +much as they now earn after being ordained, it seems +fairly clear that they will never have to support her. +We can only hope that she will never have to sup- +port them.'' + +The three young ministers subsided into their +seats with painful abruptness, and from that time +my opponents were more careful in their remarks. +Still, many unpleasant things were said, and too +much warmth was shown by both sides. We +gained ground through the day, however, and at +the end of the session the Conference, by a large +majority, voted to ordain me. + +The ordination service was fixed for the following +evening, and even the gentlemen who had most +vigorously opposed me were not averse to making +the occasion a profitable one. The contention had +already enormously advertised the Conference, and +the members now helped the good work along by +sending forth widespread announcements of the +result. They also decided that, as the attendance +at the service would be very large, they would take +up a collection for the support of superannuated +ministers. The three young men who had feared I +would become a burden were especially active in +the matter of this collection; and, as they had no +sense of humor, it did not seem incongruous to them +to use my ordination as a means of raising money +for men who had already become burdens to the +Church. + +When the great night came (on October 12, 1880), +the expected crowd came also. And to the credit +of my opponents I must add that, having lost their +fight, they took their defeat in good part and grace- +fully assisted in the services. Sitting in one of the +front pews was Mrs. Stiles, the wife of Dr. Stiles, +who was superintendent of the Conference. She +was a dear little old lady of seventy, with a big, +maternal heart; and when she saw me rise to walk +up the aisle alone, she immediately rose, too, came +to my side, offered me her arm, and led me to the +altar. + +The ordination service was very impressive and +beautiful. Its peace and dignity, following the +battle that had raged for days, moved me so deep- +ly that I was nearly overcome. Indeed, I was on +the verge of a breakdown when I was mercifully +saved by the clause in the discipline calling for the +pledge all ministers had to make--that I would +not indulge in the use of tobacco. When this vow +fell from my lips a perceptible ripple ran over the +congregation. + +I was homesick for my Cape Cod parish, and I +returned to East Dennis immediately after my +ordination, arriving there on Saturday night. I +knew by the suppressed excitement of my friends +that some surprise awaited me, but I did not learn +what it was until I entered my dear little church +the following morning. There I found the com- +munion-table set forth with a beautiful new com- +munion-service. This had been purchased during +my absence, that I might dedicate it that day and +for the first time administer the sacrament to my +people. + + +VI + +CAPE COD MEMORIES + +Looking back now upon those days, I see my +Cape Cod friends as clearly as if the interven- +ing years had been wiped out and we were again to- +gether. Among those I most loved were two widely +differing types--Captain Doane, a retired sea-cap- +tain, and Relief Paine, an invalid chained to her +couch, but whose beautiful influence permeated the +community like an atmosphere. Captain Doane +was one of the finest men I have ever known--high- +minded, tolerant, sympathetic, and full of under- +standing, He was not only my friend, but my +church barometer. He occupied a front pew, close +to the pulpit; and when I was preaching without +making much appeal he sat looking me straight in +the face, listening courteously, but without interest. +When I got into my subject, he would lean forward +--the angle at which he sat indicating the degree +of attention I had aroused--and when I was strongly +holding my congregation Brother Doane would bend +toward me, following every word I uttered with +corresponding motions of his lips. When I resigned +we parted with deep regret, but it was not until I +visited the church several years afterward that he +overcame his reserve enough to tell me how much +he had felt my going. + +``Oh, did you?'' I asked, greatly touched. ``You're +not saying that merely to please me?'' + +The old man's hand fell on my shoulder. ``I miss +you,'' he said, simply. ``I miss you all the time. +You see, I love you.'' Then, with precipitate self- +consciousness, he closed the door of his New England +heart, and from some remote corner of it sent out +his cautious after-thought. ``I love you,'' he re- +peated, primly, ``as a sister in the Lord.'' + +Relief Paine lived in Brewster. Her name seemed +prophetic, and she once told me that she had always +considered it so. Her brother-in-law was my Sun- +day-school superintendent, and her family belonged +to my church. Very soon after my arrival in East +Dennis I went to see her, and found her, as she al- +ways was, dressed in white and lying on a tiny white +bed covered with pansies, in a room whose windows +overlooked the sea. I shall never forget the picture +she made. Over her shoulders was an exquisite +white lace shawl brought from the other side of the +world by some seafaring friend, and against her +white pillow her hair seemed the blackest I had +ever seen. When I entered she turned and looked +toward me with wonderful dark eyes that were quite +blind, and as she talked her hands played with the +pansies around her. She loved pansies as she +loved few human beings, and she knew their colors +by touching them. She was then a little more than +thirty years of age. At sixteen she had fallen down- +stairs in the dark, receiving an injury that paralyzed +her, and for fifteen years she had lain on one side, +perfectly still, the Stella Maris of the Cape. All +who came to her, and they were many, went away +the better for the visit, and the mere mention of +her name along the coast softened eyes that had +looked too bitterly on life. + +Relief and I became close friends. I was greatly +drawn to her, and deeply moved by the tragedy of +her situation, as well as by the beautiful spirit with +which she bore it. During my first visit I regaled +her with stories of the community and of my own +experiences, and when I was leaving it occurred to +me that possibly I had been rather frivolous. So +I said: + +``I am coming to see you often, and when I come +I want to do whatever will interest you most. Shall +I bring some books and read to you?'' + +Relief smiled--the gay, mischievous little smile +I was soon to know so well, but which at first seemed +out of place on the tragic mask of her face. + +``No, don't read to me,'' she decided. ``There +are enough ready to do that. Talk to me. Tell +me about our life and our people here, as they +strike you.'' And she added, slowly: ``You are a +queer minister. You have not offered to pray with +me!'' + +``I feel,'' I told her, ``more like asking you to pray +for me.'' + +Relief continued her analysis. ``You have not +told me that my affliction was a visitation from God,'' +she added; ``that it was discipline and well for me +I had it.'' + +``I don't believe it was from God,'' I said. ``I +don't believe God had anything to do with it. And +I rejoice that you have not let it wreck your life.'' + +She pressed my hand. ``Thank you for saying +that,'' she murmured. ``If I thought God did it +I could not love Him, and if I did not love Him I +could not live. Please come and see me VERY often-- +and tell me stories!'' + +After that I collected stories for Relief. One of +those which most amused her, I remember, was about +my horse, and this encourages me to repeat it here. +In my life in East Dennis I did not occupy the lonely +little parsonage connected with my church, but in- +stead boarded with a friend--a widow named Cro- +well. (There seemed only two names in Cape Cod: +Sears and Crowell.) To keep in touch with my two +churches, which were almost three miles apart, it +became necessary to have a horse. As Mrs. Crowell +needed one, too, we decided to buy the animal in +partnership, and Miss Crowell, the daughter of the +widow, who knew no more about horses than I did, +undertook to lend me the support of her presence +and advice during the purchase. We did not care +to have the entire community take a passionate in- +terest in the matter, as it would certainly have done +if it had heard of our intention; so my friend and I +departed somewhat stealthily for a neighboring +town, where, we had heard, a very good horse was +offered for sale. We saw the animal and liked it; +but before closing the bargain we cannily asked the +owner if the horse was perfectly sound, and if it +was gentle with women. He assured us that it was +both sound and gentle with women, and to prove the +latter point he had his wife harness it to the buggy +and drive it around the stable-yard. The animal +behaved beautifully. After it had gone through +its paces, Miss Crowell and I leaned confidingly +against its side, patting it and praising its beauty, +and the horse seemed to enjoy our attentions. +We bought it then and there, drove it home, and +put it in our barn; and the next morning we hired +a man in the neighborhood to come over and take +care of it. + +He arrived. Five minutes later a frightful racket +broke out in the barn--sounds of stamping, kicking, +and plunging, mingled with loud shouts. We ran +to the scene of the trouble, and found our ``hired +man'' rushing breathlessly toward the house. When +he was able to speak he informed us that we had ``a +devil in there,'' pointing back to the barn, and that +the new horse's legs were in the air, all four of them +at once, the minute he went near her. We insisted +that he must have frightened or hurt her, but, sol- +emnly and with anxious looks behind, he protested +that he had not. Finally Miss Crowell and I went +into the barn, and received a dignified welcome from +the new horse, which seemed pleased by our visit. +Together we harnessed her and, without the least +difficulty, drove her out into the yard. As soon as +our man took the reins, however, she reared, kicked, +and smashed our brand-new buggy. We changed +the man and had the buggy repaired, but by the +end of the week the animal had smashed the buggy +again. Then, with some natural resentment, we +made a second visit to the man from whom we +had bought her, and asked him why he had sold +us such a horse. + +He said he had told us the exact truth. The horse +WAS sound and she WAS extremely gentle with women, +but--and this point he had seen no reason to men- +tion, as we had not asked about it--she would not +let a man come near her. He firmly refused to take +her back, and we had to make the best of the bar- +gain. As it was impossible to take care of her our- +selves, I gave some thought to the problem she pre- +sented, and finally devised a plan which worked very +well. I hired a neighbor who was a small, slight +man to take care of her, and made him wear his wife's +sunbonnet and waterproof cloak whenever he ap- +proached the horse. The picture he presented in +these garments still stands out pleasantly against the +background of my Cape Cod memories. The horse, +however, did not share our appreciation of it. She +was suspicious, and for a time she shied whenever +the man and his sunbonnet and cloak appeared; +but we stood by until she grew accustomed to them +and him; and as he was both patient and gentle, +she finally allowed him to harness and unharness +her. But no man could drive her, and when I +drove to church I was forced to hitch and un- +hitch her myself. No one else could do it, though +many a gallant and subsequently resentful man at- +tempted the feat. + +On one occasion a man I greatly disliked, and who I +had reason to know disliked me, insisted that he could +unhitch her, and started to do so, notwithstanding +my protests and explanations. At his approach she +rose on her hind-legs, and when he grasped her bridle +she lifted him off his feet. His expression as he +hung in mid-air was an extraordinary mixture of +surprise and regret. The moment I touched her, +however, she quieted down, and when I got into the +buggy and gathered up the reins she walked off like +a lamb, leaving the man staring after her with his +eyes starting from his head. + +The previous owner had called the horse Daisy, +and we never changed the name, though it always +seemed sadly inappropriate. Time proved, however, +that there were advantages in the ownership of +Daisy. No man would allow his wife or daughter +to drive behind her, and no one wanted to borrow +her. If she had been a different kind of animal she +would have been used by the whole community, +We kept Daisy for seven years, and our acquaintance +ripened into a pleasant friendship. + +Another Cape Cod resident to whose memory I +must offer tribute in these pages was Polly Ann +Sears--one of the dearest and best of my parish- +ioners. She had six sons, and when five had gone +to sea she insisted that the sixth must remain at +home. In vain the boy begged her to let him follow +his brothers. She stood firm. The sea, she said, +should not swallow all her boys; she had given it +five--she must keep one. + +As it happened, the son she kept at home was the +only one who was drowned. He was caught in a +fish-net and dragged under the waters of the bay +near his home; and when I went to see his mother +to offer such comfort as I could, she showed that +she had learned the big lesson of the experience. + +``I tried to be a special Providence,'' she moaned, +``and the one boy I kept home was the only boy +I lost. I ain't a-goin' to be a Providence no +more.'' + +The number of funerals on Cape Cod was tragi- +cally large. I was in great demand on these occa- +sions, and went all over the Cape, conducting fune- +ral services--which seemed to be the one thing people +thought I could do--and preaching funeral sermons. +Besides the victims of the sea, many of the resi- +dents who had drifted away were brought back to +sleep their last sleep within sound of the waves. +Once I asked an old sea-captain why so many Cape +Cod men and women who had been gone for years +asked to be buried near their old homes, and his reply +still lingers in my memory. He poked his toe in +the sand for a moment and then said, slowly: + +``Wal, I reckon it's because the Cape has such +warm, comfortable sand to lie down in.'' + +My friend Mrs. Addy lay in the Crowell family +lot, and during my pastorate at East Dennis I +preached the funeral sermon of her father, and later +of her mother. Long after I had left Cape Cod I +was frequently called back to say the last words +over the coffins of my old friends, and the saddest +of those journeys was the one I made in response to +a telegram from the mother of Relief Paine. When +I had arrived and we stood together beside the ex- +quisite figure that seemed hardly more quiet in +death than in life, Mrs. Paine voiced in her few +words the feeling of the whole community--``Where +shall we get our comfort and our inspiration, now +that Relief is gone?'' + +The funeral which took all my courage from me, +however, was that of my sister Mary. In its sudden- +ness, Mary's death, in 1883, was as a thunderbolt +from the blue; for she had been in perfect health +three days before she passed away. I was still in +charge of my two parishes in Cape Cod, but, as it +mercifully happened, before she was stricken I had +started West to visit Mary in her home at Big +Rapids. When I arrived on the second day of her +illness, knowing nothing of it until I reached her, +I found her already past hope. Her disease was +pneumonia, but she was conscious to the end, and +her greatest desire seemed to be to see me christen +her little daughter and her husband before she left +them. This could not be realized, for my brother- +in-law was absent on business, and with all his +haste in returning did not reach his wife's side until +after her death. As his one thought then was to +carry out her last wishes, I christened him and his +little girl just before the funeral; and during the +ceremony we all experienced a deep conviction +that Mary knew and was content. + +She had become a power in her community, and +was so dearly loved that on the day her body was +borne to its last resting-place all the business houses +in Big Rapids were closed, and the streets were filled +with men who stood with bent, uncovered heads as +the funeral procession went by. My father and +mother, also, to whom she had given a home after +they left the log-cabin where they had lived so long, +had made many friends in their new environment +and were affectionately known throughout the whole +region as ``Grandma and Grandpa Shaw.'' + +When I returned to East Dennis I brought my +mother and Mary's three children with me, and +they remained throughout the spring and summer. +I had hoped that they would remain permanently, +and had rented and furnished a home for them with +that end in view; but, though they enjoyed their +visit, the prospect of the bleak winters of Cape Cod +disturbed my mother, and they all returned to Big +Rapids late in the autumn. Since entering upon my +parish work it had been possible for me to help my +father and mother financially; and from the time +of Mary's death I had the privilege, a very precious +one, of seeing that they were well cared for and con- +tented. They were always appreciative, and as +time passed they became more reconciled to the +career I had chosen, and which in former days had +filled them with such dire forebodings. + + +After I had been in East Dennis four years I be- +gan to feel that I was getting into a rut. It seemed +to me that all I could do in that particular field had +been done. My people wished me to remain, how- +ever, and so, partly as an outlet for my surplus +energy, but more especially because I realized the +splendid work women could do as physicians, I be- +gan to study medicine. The trustees gave me per- +mission to go to Boston on certain days of each week, +and we soon found that I could carry on my work +as a medical student without in the least neglecting +my duty toward my parish. + +I entered the Boston Medical School in 1882, and +obtained my diploma as a full-fledged physician in +1885. During this period I also began to lecture +for the Massachusetts Woman Suffrage Association, +of which Lucy Stone was president. Henry Black- +well was associated with her, and together they de- +veloped in me a vital interest in the suffrage cause, +which grew steadily from that time until it became +the dominating influence in my life. I preached it +in the pulpit, talked it to those I met outside of the +church, lectured on it whenever I had an oppor- +tunity, and carried it into my medical work in the +Boston slums when I was trying my prentice hand +on helpless pauper patients. + +Here again, in my association with the women of +the streets, I realized the limitations of my work in +the ministry and in medicine. As minister to soul +and body one could do little for these women. For +such as them, one's efforts must begin at the very +foundation of the social structure. Laws for them +must be made and enforced, and some of those laws +could only be made and enforced by women. So +many great avenues of life were opening up before +me that my Cape Cod environment seemed almost +a prison where I was held with tender force. I +loved my people and they loved me--but the big +outer world was calling, and I could not close my +ears to its summons. The suffrage lectures helped +to keep me contented, however, and I was certainly +busy enough to find happiness in my work. + +I was in Boston three nights a week, and during +these nights subject to sick calls at any hour. My +favorite associates were Dr. Caroline Hastings, our +professor of anatomy, and little Dr. Mary Safford, +a mite of a woman with an indomitable soul. Dr. +Safford was especially prominent in philanthropic +work in Massachusetts, and it was said of her that +at any hour of the day or night she could be found +working in the slums of Boston. I, too, could fre- +quently be found there--often, no doubt, to the dis- +advantage of my patients. I was quite famous in +three Boston alleys--Maiden's Lane, Fellows Court, +and Andrews Court. It most fortunately happened +that I did not lose a case in those alleys, though I +took all kinds, as I had to treat a certain number +of surgical and obstetrical cases in my course. No +doubt my patients and I had many narrow escapes +of which we were blissfully ignorant, but I remember +two which for a long time afterward continued to +be features of my most troubled dreams. + +The first was that of a big Irishman who had +pneumonia. When I looked him over I was as much +frightened as he was. I had got as far as pneu- +monia in my course, and I realized that here was a +bad case of it. I knew what to do. The patient +must be carefully packed in towels wrung out of +cold water. When I called for towels I found that +there was nothing in the place but a dish-towel, +which I washed with portentous gravity. The man +owned but one shirt, and, in deference to my visit, +his wife had removed that to wash it. I packed the +patient in the dish-towel, wrapped him in a piece of +an old shawl, and left after instructing his wife to +repeat the process. When I reached home I remem- +bered that the patient must be packed ``carefully,'' +and I knew that his wife would do it carelessly. +That meant great risk to the man's life. My im- +pulse was to rush back to him at once, but this +would never do. It would destroy all confidence +in the doctor. I walked the floor for three hours, +and then casually strolled in upon my patient, +finding him, to my great relief, better than I had left +him. As I was leaving, a child rushed into the room, +begging me to come to an upper floor in the same +building. + +``The baby's got the croup,'' she gasped, ``an' +he's chokin' to death.'' + +We had not reached croup in our course, and I +had no idea what to do, but I valiantly accompanied +the little girl. As we climbed the long flights of +stairs to the top floor I remembered a conversation +I had overheard between two medical students. One +of them had said: ``If the child is strangling when it +inhales, as if it were breathing through a sponge, +then give it spongia; but if it is strangling when it +breathes out, give it aconite.'' + +When I reached the baby I listened, but could +not tell which way it was strangling. However, +I happened to have both medicines with me, so I +called for two glasses and mixed the two remedies, +each in its own glass. I gave them both to the +mother, and told her to use them alternately, every +fifteen minutes, until the baby was better. The +baby got well; but whether its recovery was due to +the spongia or to the aconite I never knew. + +In my senior year I fell in love with an infant +of three, named Patsy. He was one of nine children +when I was called to deliver his mother of her tenth +child. She was drunk when I reached her, and so +were two men who lay on the floor in the same room. +I had them carried out, and after the mother and +baby had been attended to I noticed Patsy. He was +the most beautiful child I had ever seen--with eyes +like Italian skies and yellow hair in tight curls over +his adorable little head; but he was covered with +filthy rags. I borrowed him, took him home with me, +and fed and bathed him, and the next day fitted him +out with new clothes. Every hour I had him +tightened his hold on my heart-strings. I went to +his mother and begged her to let me keep him, but +she refused, and after a great deal of argument and +entreaty I had to return him to her. When I went +to see him a few days later I found him again in his +horrible rags. His mother had pawned his new +clothes for drink, and she was deeply under its in- +fluence. But no pressure I could exert then or later +would make her part with Patsy. Finally, for my +own peace of mind, I had to give up hope of getting +him--but I have never ceased to regret the little +adopted son I might have had. + + + +VII + +THE GREAT CAUSE + +There is a theory that every seven years each +human being undergoes a complete physical +reconstruction, with corresponding changes in his +mental and spiritual make-up. Possibly it was due +to this reconstruction that, at the end of seven years +on Cape Cod, my soul sent forth a sudden call to +arms. I was, it reminded me, taking life too easily; +I was in danger of settling into an agreeable routine. +The work of my two churches made little drain on +my superabundant vitality, and not even the win- +ning of a medical degree and the increasing demands +of my activities on the lecture platform wholly eased +my conscience. I was happy, for I loved my people +and they seemed to love me. It would have been +pleasant to go on almost indefinitely, living the life +of a country minister and telling myself that what +I could give to my flock made such a life worth while. + +But all the time, deep in my heart, I realized the +needs of the outside world, and heard its prayer for +workers. My theological and medical courses in +Boston, with the experiences that accompanied them, +had greatly widened my horizon. Moreover, at my +invitation, many of the noble women of the day were +coming to East Dennis to lecture, bringing with them +the stirring atmosphere of the conflicts they were +waging. One of the first of these was my friend +Mary A. Livermore; and after her came Julia Ward +Howe, Anna Garlin Spencer, Lucy Stone, Mary F. +Eastman, and many others, each charged with in- +spiration for my people and with a special message +for me, which she sent forth unknowingly and which I +alone heard. They were fighting great battles, these +women--for suffrage, for temperance, for social +purity--and in every word they uttered I heard a +rallying-cry. So it was that, in 1885, I suddenly +pulled myself up to a radical decision and sent my +resignation to the trustees of the two churches +whose pastor I had been since 1878. + +The action caused a demonstration of regret +which made it hard to keep to my resolution and +leave these men and women whose friendship was +among the dearest of my possessions. But when we +had all talked things over, many of them saw the +situation as I did. No doubt there were those, too, +who felt that a change of ministry would be good +for the churches. During the weeks that followed +my resignation I received many odd tributes, and +of these one of the most amusing came from a +young girl in the parish, who broke into loud protests +when she heard that I was going away. To com- +fort her I predicted that she would now have a man +minister--doubtless a very nice man. But the young +person continued to sniffle disconsolately. + +``I don't want a man,'' she wailed. ``I don't like to +see men in pulpits. They look so awkward.'' Her +grief culminated in a final outburst. ``They're all +arms and legs!'' she sobbed. + +When my resignation was finally accepted, and +the time of my departure drew near, the men of the +community spent much of their leisure in discussing +it and me. The social center of East Dennis was +a certain grocery, to which almost every man in +town regularly wended his way, and from which all +the gossip of the town emanated. Here the men sat +for hours, tilted back in their chairs, whittling the +rungs until they nearly cut the chairs from under +them, and telling one another all they knew or had +heard about their fellow-townsmen. Then, after +each session, they would return home and repeat the +gossip to their wives. I used to say that I would +give a dollar to any woman in East Dennis who +could quote a bit of gossip which did not come from +the men at that grocery. Even my old friend Cap- +tain Doane, fine and high-minded citizen though he +was, was not above enjoying the mild diversion of +these social gatherings, and on one occasion at least +he furnished the best part of the entertainment. +The departing minister was, it seemed, the topic +of the day's discussion, and, to tease Captain Doane +one young man who knew the strength of his friend- +ship for me suddenly began to speak, then pursed +up his lips and looked eloquently mysterious. As he +had expected, Captain Doane immediately pounced +on him. + +``What's the matter with you?'' demanded the +old man. ``Hev you got anything agin Miss +Shaw?'' + +The young man sighed and murmured that if he +wished he could repeat a charge never before made +against a Cape Cod minister, but--and he shut his +lips more obviously. The other men, who were in +the plot, grinned, and this added the last touch to +Captain Doane's indignation. He sprang to his +feet. One of his peculiarities was a constant mis- +use of words, and now, in his excitement, he outdid +himself. + +``You've made an incineration against Miss Shaw,'' +he shouted. ``Do you hear--AN INCINERATION! Take +it back or take a lickin'!'' + +The young man decided that the joke had gone +far enough, so he answered, mildly: ``Well, it is said +that all the women in town are in love with Miss +Shaw. Has that been charged against any other +minister here?'' + +The men roared with laughter, and Captain +Doane sat down, looking sheepish. + +``All I got to say is this,'' he muttered: ``That gal +has been in this community for seven years, and she +'ain't done a thing during the hull seven years that +any one kin lay a finger on!'' + +The men shouted again at this back-handed trib- +ute, and the old fellow left the grocery in a huff. +Later I was told of the ``incineration'' and his elo- +quent defense of me, and I thanked him for it. But +I added: + +``I hear you said I haven't done a thing in seven +years that any one can lay a finger on?'' + +``I said it,'' declared the Captain, ``and I'll stand +by it.'' + +``Haven't I done any good?'' I asked. + +``Sartin you have,'' he assured me, heartily. +``Lots of good.'' + +``Well,'' I said, ``can't you put your finger on +that?'' + +The Captain looked startled. ``Why--why-- +Sister Shaw,'' he stammered, ``you know I didn't +mean THAT! What I meant,'' he repeated, slowly and +solemnly, ``was that the hull time you been here +you ain't done nothin' anybody could put a finger +on!'' + +Captain Doane apparently shared my girl parish- +ioner's prejudice against men in the pulpit, for long +afterward, on one of my visits to Cape Cod, he ad- +mitted that he now went to church very rarely. + +``When I heard you preach,'' he explained, ``I +gen'ally followed you through and I knowed where +you was a-comin' out. But these young fellers that +come from the theological school--why, Sister Shaw, +the Lord Himself don't know where they're comin' +out!'' + +For a moment he pondered. Then he uttered a +valedictory which I have always been glad to recall +as his last message, for I never saw him again. + +``When you fust come to us,'' he said, ``you had +a lot of crooked places, an' we had a lot of crooked +places; and we kind of run into each other, all of +us. But before you left, Sister Shaw, why, all the +crooked places was wore off and everything was as +smooth as silk.'' + +``Yes,'' I agreed, ``and that was the time to leave +--when everything was running smoothly.'' + +All is changed on Cape Cod since those days, thirty +years ago. The old families have died or moved +away, and those who replaced them were of a dif- +ferent type. I am happy in having known and loved +the Cape as it was, and in having gathered there a +store of delightful memories. In later strenuous +years it has rested me merely to think of the place, +and long afterward I showed my continued love of +it by building a home there, which I still possess. +But I had little time to rest in this or in my Moylan +home, of which I shall write later, for now I was +back in Boston, living my new life, and each crowded +hour brought me more to do. + +We were entering upon a deeply significant period. +For the first time women were going into industrial +competition with men, and already men were in- +tensely resenting their presence. Around me I saw +women overworked and underpaid, doing men's +work at half men's wages, not because their work +was inferior, but because they were women. Again, +too, I studied the obtrusive problems of the poor and +of the women of the streets; and, looking at the +whole social situation from every angle, I could find +but one solution for women--the removal of the +stigma of disfranchisement. As man's equal before +the law, woman could demand her rights, asking +favors from no one. With all my heart I joined in +the crusade of the men and women who were fight- +ing for her. My real work had begun. + +Naturally, at this period, I frequently met the +members of Boston's most inspiring group--the +Emersons and John Greenleaf Whittier, James Free- +man Clark, Reverend Minot Savage, Bronson Alcott +and his daughter Louisa, Wendell Phillips, William +Lloyd Garrison, Stephen Foster, Theodore Weld, and +the rest. Of them all, my favorite was Whittier. He +had been present at my graduation from the theo- +logical school, and now he often attended our suffrage +meetings. He was already an old man, nearing the +end of his life; and I recall him as singularly tall and +thin, almost gaunt, bending forward as he talked, +and wearing an expression of great serenity and +benignity. I once told Susan B. Anthony that if I +needed help in a crowd of strangers that included her, +I would immediately turn to her, knowing from her +face that, whatever I had done, she would under- +stand and assist me. I could have offered the same +tribute to Whittier. At our meetings he was like a +vesper-bell chiming above a battle-field. Garrison +always became excited during our discussions, and +the others frequently did; but Whittier, in whose big +heart the love of his fellow-man burned as unquench- +ably as in any heart there, always preserved his ex- +quisite tranquillity. + +Once, I remember, Stephen Foster insisted on +having the word ``tyranny'' put into a resolution, +stating that women were deprived of suffrage by the +TYRANNY of men. Mr. Garrison objected, and the +debate that followed was the most exciting I have +ever heard. The combatants actually had to ad- +journ before they could calm down sufficiently to go +on with their meeting. Knowing the stimulating +atmosphere to which he had grown accustomed, I +was not surprised to have Theodore Weld explain +to me; long afterward, why he no longer attended +suffrage meetings. + +``Oh,'' he said, ``why should I go? There hasn't +been any one mobbed in twenty years!'' + +The Ralph Waldo Emersons occasionally attended +our meetings, and Mr. Emerson, at first opposed to +woman suffrage, became a convert to it during the +last years of his life--a fact his son and daughter +omitted to mention in his biography. After his +death I gave two suffrage lectures in Concord, +and each time Mrs. Emerson paid for the hall. At +these lectures Louisa M. Alcott graced the assem- +bly with her splendid, wholesome presence, and on +both occasions she was surrounded by a group of +boys. She frankly cared much more for boys than +for girls, and boys inevitably gravitated to her when- +ever she entered a place where they were. When +women were given school suffrage in Massachusetts, +Miss Alcott was the first woman to vote in Concord, +and she went to the polls accompanied by a group +of her boys, all ardently ``for the Cause.'' My gen- +eral impression of her was that of a fresh breeze +blowing over wide moors. She was as different as +possible from exquisite little Mrs. Emerson, who, +in her daintiness and quiet charm, suggested an old +New England garden. + +Of Abby May and Edna Cheney I retain a general +impression of ``bagginess''--of loose jackets over +loose waistbands, of escaping locks of hair, of bodies +seemingly one size from the neck down. Both +women were utterly indifferent to the details of +their appearance, but they were splendid workers and +leading spirits in the New England Woman's Club. +It was said to be the trouble between Abby May and +Kate Gannett Wells, both of whom stood for the +presidency of the club, that led to the beginning of +the anti-suffrage movement in Boston. Abby May +was elected president, and all the suffragists voted +for her. Subsequently Kate Gannett Wells began +her anti-suffrage campaign. Mrs. Wells was the +first anti-suffragist I ever knew in this country. +Before her there had been Mrs. Dahlgren, wife of +Admiral Dahlgren, and Mrs. William Tecumseh Sher- +man. On one occasion Elizabeth Cady Stanton chal- +lenged Mrs. Dahlgren to a debate on woman suffrage, +and in the light of later events Mrs. Dahlgren's reply +is amusing. She declined the challenge, explaining +that for anti-suffragists to appear upon a public +platform would be a direct violation of the principle +for which they stood--which was the protection of +female modesty! Recalling this, and the present +hectic activity of the anti-suffragists, one must feel +that they have either abandoned their principle or +widened their views. +For Julia Ward Howe I had an immense admira- +tion; but, though from first to last I saw much of +her, I never felt that I really knew her. She was a +woman of the widest culture, interested in every +progressive movement. With all her big heart she +tried to be a democrat, but she was an aristocrat to +the very core of her, and, despite her wonderful work +for others, she lived in a splendid isolation. Once +when I called on her I found her resting her mind +by reading Greek, and she laughingly admitted that +she was using a Latin pony, adding that she was +growing ``rusty.'' She seemed a little embarrassed +by being caught with the pony, but she must have +been reassured by my cheerful confession that if +_I_ tried to read either Latin or Greek I should need +an English pony. + +Of Frances E. Willard, who frequently came to +Boston, I saw a great deal, and we soon became close- +ly associated in our work. Early in our friendship, +and at Miss Willard's suggestion, we made a com- +pact that once a week each of us would point out +to the other her most serious faults, and thereby +help her to remedy them; but we were both too sane +to do anything of the kind, and the project soon +died a natural death. The nearest I ever came to +carrying it out was in warning Miss Willard that she +was constantly defying all the laws of personal +hygiene. She never rested, rarely seemed to sleep, +and had to be reminded at the table that she was +there for the purpose of eating food. She was al- +ways absorbed in some great interest, and oblivious +to anything else, I never knew a woman who could +grip an audience and carry it with her as she could. +She was intensely emotional, and swayed others by +their emotions rather than by logic; yet she was the +least conscious of her physical existence of any one +I ever knew, with the exception of Susan B. Anthony. +Like ``Aunt Susan,'' Miss Willard paid no heed to +cold or heat or hunger, to privation or fatigue. In +their relations to such trifles both women were dis- +embodied spirits. + +Another woman doing wonderful work at this time +was Mrs. Quincy Shaw, who had recently started her +day nurseries for the care of tenement children whose +mothers labored by the day. These nurseries were +new in Boston, as was the kindergarten system she +also established. I saw the effect of her work in the +lives of the people, and it strengthened my growing +conviction that little could be done for the poor in a +spiritual or educational way until they were given +a certain amount of physical comfort, and until more +time was devoted to the problem of prevention. +Indeed, the more I studied economic issues, the more +strongly I felt that the position of most philan- +thropists is that of men who stand at the bottom +of a precipice gathering up and trying to heal those +who fall into it, instead of guarding the top and pre- +venting them from going over. + +Of course I had to earn my living; but, though I +had taken my medical degree only a few months +before leaving Cape Cod, I had no intention of prac- +tising medicine. I had merely wished to add a +certain amount of medical knowledge to my mental +equipment. The Massachusetts Woman Suffrage +Association, of which Lucy Stone was president, had +frequently employed me as a lecturer during the +last two years of my pastorate. Now it offered me +a salary of one hundred dollars a month as a lecturer +and organizer. Though I may not have seemed so +in these reminiscences, in which I have written as +freely of my small victories as of my struggles and +failures, I was a modest young person. The amount +seemed too large, and I told Mrs. Stone as much, +after which I humbly fixed my salary at fifty dollars +a month. At the end of a year of work I felt that +I had ``made good''; then I asked for and received +the one hundred dollars a month originally offered +me. + +During my second year Miss Cora Scott Pond and +I organized and carried through in Boston a great +suffrage bazaar, clearing six thousand dollars for +the association--a large amount in those days. +Elated by my share in this success, I asked that my +salary should be increased to one hundred and +twenty-five dollars a month--but this was not done. +Instead, I received a valuable lesson. It was freely +admitted that my work was worth one hundred and +twenty-five dollars, but I was told that one hundred +was the limit which could be paid, and I was re- +minded that this was a good salary for a woman. + +The time seemed to have come to make a practical +stand in defense of my principles, and I did so by +resigning and arranging an independent lecture tour. +The first month after my resignation I earned three +hundred dollars. Later I frequently earned more +than that, and very rarely less. Eventually I lec- +tured under the direction of the Slaton Lecture +Bureau of Chicago, and later still for the Redpath +Bureau of Boston. My experience with the Red- +path people was especially gratifying. Mrs. Liver- +more, who was their only woman lecturer, was grow- +ing old and anxious to resign her work. She saw +in me a possible successor, and asked them to take +me on their list. They promptly refused, explain- +ing that I must ``make a reputation'' before they +could even consider me. A year later they wrote +me, making a very good offer, which I accepted. It +may be worth while to mention here that through +my lecture-work at this period I earned all the money +I have ever saved. I lectured night after night, week +after week, month after month, in ``Chautauquas'' +in the summer, all over the country in the winter, +earning a large income and putting aside at that +time the small surplus I still hold in preparation for +the ``rainy day'' every working-woman inwardly +fears. + +I gave the public at least a fair equivalent for +what it gave me, for I put into my lectures all my +vitality, and I rarely missed an engagement, though +again and again I risked my life to keep one. My +special subjects, of course, were the two I had most +at heart-suffrage and temperance. For Frances +Willard, then President of the Woman's Christian +Temperance Union, had persuaded me to head the +Franchise Department of that organization, suc- +ceeding Ziralda Wallace, the mother of Gen. Lew +Wallace; and Miss Susan B. Anthony, who was be- +ginning to study me closely, soon swung me into +active work with her, of which, later, I shall have +much to say. But before taking up a subject as +absorbing to me as my friendship for and association +with the most wonderful woman I have ever known, +it may be interesting to record a few of my pioneer +experiences in the lecture-field. + +In those days--thirty years ago--the lecture bu- +reaus were wholly regardless of the comfort of their +lecturers. They arranged a schedule of engagements +with exactly one idea in mind--to get the lecturer +from one lecture-point to the next, utterly regardless +of whether she had time between for rest or food or +sleep. So it happened that all-night journeys in +freight-cars, engines, and cabooses were casual com- +monplaces, while thirty and forty mile drives across +the country in blizzards and bitter cold were equally +inevitable. Usually these things did not trouble +me. They were high adventures which I enjoyed at +the time and afterward loved to recall. But there +was an occasional hiatus in my optimism. + +One night, for example, after lecturing in a town +in Ohio, it was necessary to drive eight miles across +country to a tiny railroad station at which a train, +passing about two o'clock in the morning, was to be +flagged for me. When we reached the station it was +closed, but my driver deposited me on the platform +and drove away, leaving me alone. The night was +cold and very dark. All day I had been feeling ill +and in the evening had suffered so much pain that +I had finished my lecture with great difficulty. Now +toward midnight, in this desolate spot, miles from +any house, I grew alarmingly worse. I am not +easily frightened, but that time I was sure I was +going to die. Off in the darkness, very far away, as +it seemed, I saw a faint light, and with infinite effort +I dragged myself toward it. To walk, even to stand, +was impossible; I crawled along the railroad track, +collapsing, resting, going on again, whipping my +will power to the task of keeping my brain clear, +until after a nightmare that seemed to last through +centuries I lay across the door of the switch-tower +in which the light was burning. The switchman +stationed there heard the cry I was able to utter, +and came to my assistance. He carried me up to +his signal-room and laid me on the floor by the stove; +he had nothing to give me except warmth and shel- +ter; but these were now all I asked. I sank into a +comatose condition shot through with pain. Tow- +ard two o'clock in the morning he waked me and +told me my train was coming, asking if I felt able +to take it. I decided to make the effort. He dared +not leave his post to help me, but he signaled to the +train, and I began my progress back to the station. +I never clearly remembered how I got there; but +I arrived and was helped into a car by a brakeman. +About four o'clock in the morning I had to change +again, but this time I was left at the station of a town, +and was there met by a man whose wife had offered +me hospitality. He drove me to their home, and +I was cared for. What I had, it developed, was a +severe case of ptomaine poisoning, and I soon re- +covered; but even after all these years I do not +like to recall that night. + +To be ``snowed in'' was a frequent experience. +Once, in Minnesota, I was one of a dozen travelers +who were driven in an omnibus from a country hotel +to the nearest railroad station, about two miles away. +It was snowing hard, and the driver left us on the +station platform and departed. Time passed, but +the train we were waiting for did not come. A true +Western blizzard, growing wilder every moment, had +set in, and we finally realized that the train was not +coming, and that, moreover, it was now impossible +to get back to the hotel. The only thing we could +do was to spend the night in the railroad station. +I was the only woman in the group, and my fellow- +passengers were cattlemen who whiled away the +hours by smoking, telling stories, and exchanging +pocket flasks. The station had a telegraph operator +who occupied a tiny box by himself, and he finally +invited me to share the privacy of his microscopic +quarters. I entered them very gratefully, and he +laid a board on the floor, covered it with an over- +coat made of buffalo-skins, and cheerfully invited +me to go to bed. I went, and slept peacefully until +morning. Then we all returned to the hotel, the +men going ahead and shoveling a path. + +Again, one Sunday, I was snowbound in a train +near Faribault, and this time also I was the only +woman among a number of cattlemen. They were +an odoriferous lot, who smoked diligently and played +cards without ceasing, but in deference to my pres- +ence they swore only mildly and under their breath. +At last they wearied of their game, and one of them +rose and came to me. + +``I heard you lecture the other night,'' he said, +awkwardly, ``and I've bin tellin' the fellers about it. +We'd like to have a lecture now.'' + +Their card-playing had seemed to me a sinful +thing (I was stricter in my views then than I am +to-day), and I was glad to create a diversion. I +agreed to give them a lecture, and they went through +the train, which consisted of two day coaches, and +brought in the remaining passengers. A few of +them could sing, and we began with a Moody and +Sankey hymn or two and the appealing ditty, +``Where is my wandering boy to-night?'' in which +they all joined with special zest. Then I delivered +the lecture, and they listened attentively. When I +had finished they seemed to think that some slight +return was in order, so they proceeded to make a +bed for me. They took the bottoms out of two seats, +arranged them crosswise, and one man folded his +overcoat into a pillow. Inspired by this, two others +immediately donated their fur overcoats for upper +and lower coverings. When the bed was ready they +waved me toward it with a most hospitable air, and +I crept in between the overcoats and slumbered +sweetly until I was aroused the next morning by the +welcome music of a snow-plow which had been +sent from St. Paul to our rescue. +To drive fifty or sixty miles in a day to meet a +lecture engagement was a frequent experience. I +have been driven across the prairies in June when +they were like a mammoth flower-bed, and in Jan- +uary when they seemed one huge snow-covered +grave--my grave, I thought, at times. Once during a +thirty-mile drive, when the thermometer was twenty +degrees below zero, I suddenly realized that my face +was freezing. I opened my satchel, took out the +tissue-paper that protected my best gown, and put +the paper over my face as a veil, tucking it inside +of my bonnet. When I reached my destination the +tissue was a perfect mask, frozen stiff, and I +had to be lifted from the sleigh. I was due on the +lecture platform in half an hour, so I drank a huge +bowl of boiling ginger tea and appeared on time. +That night I went to bed expecting an attack of +pneumonia as a result of the exposure, but I awoke +next morning in superb condition. I possess what +is called ``an iron constitution,'' and in those days +I needed it. + +That same winter, in Kansas, I was chased by +wolves, and though I had been more or less inti- +mately associated with wolves in my pioneer life +in the Michigan woods, I found the occasion extreme- +ly unpleasant. During the long winters of my girl- +hood wolves had frequently slunk around our log +cabin, and at times in the lumber-camps we had +even heard them prowling on the roofs. But those +were very different creatures from the two huge, +starving, tireless animals that hour after hour loped +behind the cutter in which I sat with another woman, +who, throughout the whole experience, never lost +her head nor her control of our frantic horses. They +were mad with terror, for, try as they would, they +could not outrun the grim things that trailed us, +seemingly not trying to gain on us, but keeping al- +ways at the same distance, with a patience that was +horrible. From time to time I turned to look at +them, and the picture they made as they came on +and on is one I shall never forget. They were so near +that I could see their eyes and slavering jaws, and +they were as noiseless as things in a dream. At +last, little by little, they began to gain on us, and +they were almost within striking distance of the +whip, which was our only weapon, when we reached +the welcome outskirts of a town and they fell back. + +Some of the memories of those days have to do +with personal encounters, brief but poignant. Once +when I was giving a series of Chautauqua lectures, +I spoke at the Chautauqua in Pontiac, Illinois. +The State Reformatory for Boys was situated in +that town, and, after the lecture the superintendent +of the Reformatory invited me to visit it and say +a few words to the inmates. I went and spoke for +half an hour, carrying away a memory of the place +and of the boys which haunted me for months. A +year later, while I was waiting for a train in the +station at Shelbyville, a lad about sixteen years old +passed me and hesitated, looking as if he knew me. +I saw that he wanted to speak and dared not, so +I nodded to him. + +``You think you know me, don't you?'' I asked, +when he came to my side. + +``Yes'm, I do know you,'' he told me, eagerly. +``You are Miss Shaw, and you talked to us boys at +Pontiac last year. I'm out on parole now, but I +'ain't forgot. Us boys enjoyed you the best of any +show we ever had!'' + +I was touched by this artless compliment, and +anxious to know how I had won it, so I asked, +``What did I say that the boys liked?'' + +The lad hesitated. Then he said, slowly, ``Well, +you didn't talk as if you thought we were all +bad.'' + +``My boy,'' I told him, ``I don't think you are all +bad. I know better!'' + +As if I had touched a spring in him, the lad +dropped into the seat by my side; then, leaning +toward me, he said, impulsively, but almost in a +whisper: + +``Say, Miss Shaw, SOME OF US BOYS SAYS OUR PRAYERS!'' + +Rarely have I had a tribute that moved me more +than that shy confidence; and often since then, in +hours of discouragement or failure, I have reminded +myself that at least there must have been something +in me once to make a lad of that age so open up +his heart. We had a long and intimate talk, from +which grew the abiding interest I feel in boys to- +day. + +Naturally I was sometimes inconvenienced by +slight misunderstandings between local committees +and myself as to the subjects of my lectures, and the +most extreme instance of this occurred in a town +where I arrived to find myself widely advertised +as ``Mrs. Anna Shaw, who whistled before Queen +Victoria''! Transfixed, I gaped before the bill- +boards, and by reading their additional lettering +discovered the gratifying fact that at least I was +not expected to whistle now. Instead, it appeared, +I was to lecture on ``The Missing Link.'' + +As usual, I had arrived in town only an hour or +two before the time fixed for my lecture; there was +the briefest interval in which to clear up these pain- +ful misunderstandings. I repeatedly tried to reach +the chairman who was to preside at the entertain- +ment, but failed. At last I went to the hall at the +hour appointed, and found the local committee +there, graciously waiting to receive me. Without +wasting precious minutes in preliminaries, I asked +why they had advertised me as the woman who had +``whistled before Queen Victoria.'' + +``Why, didn't you whistle before her?'' they ex- +claimed in grieved surprise. + +``I certainly did not,'' I explained. ``Moreover, I +was never called `The American Nightingale,' and +I have never lectured on `The Missing Link.' +Where DID you get that subject? It was not on the +list I sent you.'' + +The members of the committee seemed dazed. +They withdrew to a corner and consulted in whis- +pers. Then, with clearing brow, the spokesman re- +turned. + +``Why,'' he said, cheerfully, ``it's simple enough! +We mixed you up with a Shaw lady that whistles; +and we've been discussing the missing link in our +debating society, so our citizens want to hear your +views.'' + +``But I don't know anything about the missing +link,'' I protested, ``and I can't speak on it.'' + +``Now, come,'' they begged. ``Why, you'll have +to! We've sold all our tickets for that lecture. +The whole town has turned out to hear it.'' + +Then, as I maintained a depressed silence, one +of them had a bright idea. + +``I'll tell you how to fix it!'' he cried. ``Speak on +any subject you please, but bring in something about +the missing link every few minutes. That will satis- +fy 'em.'' + +``Very well,'' I agreed, reluctantly. ``Open the +meeting with a song. Get the audience to sing +`America' or `The Star-spangled Banner.' That +will give me a few minutes to think, and I will see +what can be done.'' + +Led by a very nervous chairman, the big audience +began to sing, and under the inspiration of the music +the solution of our problem flashed into my mind. + +``It is easy,'' I told myself. ``Woman is the miss- +ing link in our government. I'll give them a suf- +frage speech along that line.'' + +When the song ended I began my part of the en- +tertainment with a portion of my lecture on ``The +Fate of Republics,'' tracing their growth and decay, +and pointing out that what our republic needed to +give it a stable government was the missing link +of woman suffrage. I got along admirably, for every +five minutes I mentioned ``the missing link,'' and +the audience sat content and apparently interested, +while the members of the committee burst into +bloom on the platform. + + +VIII + +DRAMA IN THE LECTURE-FIELD + +My most dramatic experience occurred in a +city in Michigan, where I was making a +temperance campaign. It was an important lum- +ber and shipping center, and it harbored much +intemperance. The editor of the leading news- +paper was with the temperance-workers in our +fight there, and he had warned me that the liquor +people threatened to ``burn the building over my +head'' if I attempted to lecture. We were used to +similar threats, so I proceeded with my preparations +and held the meeting in the town skating-rink-- +a huge, bare, wooden structure. + +Lectures were rare in that city, and rumors of +some special excitement on this occasion had been +circulated; every seat in the rink was filled, and +several hundred persons stood in the aisles and at +the back of the building. Just opposite the speak- +er's platform was a small gallery, and above that, in +the ceiling, was a trap-door. Before I had been +speaking ten minutes I saw a man drop through this +trap-door to the balcony and climb from there to +the main floor. As he reached the floor he shouted +``Fire!'' and rushed out into the street. The next +instant every person in the rink was up and a panic +had started. I was very sure there was no fire, +but I knew that many might be killed in the +rush which was beginning. So I sprang on a chair +and shouted to the people with the full strength of +my lungs: + +``There is no fire! It's only a trick! Sit down! +Sit down!'' + +The cooler persons in the crowd at once began to +help in this calming process. + +``Sit down!'' they repeated. ``It's all right! +There's no fire! Sit down!'' + +It looked as if we had the situation in hand, for +the people hesitated, and most of them grew quiet; +but just then a few words were hissed up to me that +made my heart stop beating. A member of our local +committee was standing beside my chair, speaking +in a terrified whisper: + +``There IS a fire, Miss Shaw,'' he said. ``For God's +sake get the people out--QUICKLY!'' + +The shock was so unexpected that my knees al- +most gave way. The people were still standing, +wavering, looking uncertainly toward us. I raised +my voice again, and if it sounded unnatural my +hearers probably thought it was because I was speak- +ing so loudly. + +``As we are already standing,'' I cried, ``and are +all nervous, a little exercise will do us good. So +march out, singing. Keep time to the music! +Later you can come back and take your seats!'' + +The man who had whispered the warning jumped +into the aisle and struck up ``Jesus, Lover of My +Soul.'' Then he led the march down to the door, +while the big audience swung into line and followed +him, joining in the song. I remained on the chair, +beating time and talking to the people as they went; +but when the last of them had left the building I +almost collapsed; for the flames had begun to eat +through the wooden walls and the clang of the fire- +engines was heard outside. + +As soon as I was sure every one was safe, however, +I experienced the most intense anger I had yet known. +My indignation against the men who had risked +hundreds of lives by setting fire to a crowded building +made me ``see red''; it was clear that they must be +taught a lesson then and there. As soon as I was +outside the rink I called a meeting, and the Congre- +gational minister, who was in the crowd, lent us his +church and led the way to it. Most of the audience +followed us, and we had a wonderful meeting, dur- +ing which we were able at last to make clear to +the people of that town the character of the liquor +interests we were fighting. That episode did the +temperance cause more good than a hundred ordinary +meetings. Men who had been indifferent before +became our friends and supporters, and at the fol- +lowing election we carried the town for prohibition +by a big majority. + +There have been other occasions when our op- +ponents have not fought us fairly. Once, in an +Ohio town, a group of politicians, hearing that I was +to lecture on temperance in the court-house on a +certain night, took possession of the building early +in the evening, on the pretense of holding a meeting, +and held it against us. When, escorted by a com- +mittee of leading women, I reached the building and +tried to enter, we found that the men had locked +us out. Our audience was gathering and filling the +street, and we finally sent a courteous message to the +men, assuming that they had forgotten us and re- +minding them of our position. The messenger re- +ported that the men would leave ``about eight,'' +but that the room was ``black with smoke and filthy +with tobacco-juice. ``We waited patiently until eight +o'clock, holding little outside meetings in groups, +as our audience waited with us. At eight we again +sent our messenger into the hall, and he brought +back word that the men were ``not through, didn't +know when they would be through, and had told +the women not to wait.'' + +Naturally, the waiting townswomen were deeply +chagrined by this. So were many men in the out- +side crowd. We asked if there was no other en- +trance to the hall except through the locked front +doors, and were told that the judge's private room +opened into it, and that one of our committee had +the key, as she had planned to use this room as a +dressing and retiring room for the speakers. After +some discussion we decided to storm the hall +and take possession. Within five minutes all the +women had formed in line and were crowding up +the back stairs and into the judge's room. There +we unlocked the door, again formed in line, and +marched into the hall, singing ``Onward, Christian +Soldiers!'' + +There were hundreds of us, and we marched di- +rectly to the platform, where the astonished men +got up to stare at us. More and more women +entered, coming up the back stairs from the street +and filling the hall; and when the men realized +what it all meant, and recognized their wives, sis- +ters, and women friends in the throng, they sheep- +ishly unlocked the front doors and left us in posses- +sion, though we politely urged them to remain. We +had a great meeting that night! + +Another reminiscence may not be out of place. +We were working for a prohibition amendment in +the state of Pennsylvania, and the night before +election I reached Coatesville. I had just com- +pleted six weeks of strenuous campaigning, and that +day I had already conducted and spoken at two big +outdoor meetings. When I entered the town hall +of Coatesville I found it filled with women. Only +a few men were there; the rest were celebrating +and campaigning in the streets. So I arose and +said: + +``I would like to ask how many men there are in +the audience who intend to vote for the amendment +to-morrow?'' + +Every man in the hall stood up. + +``I thought so,'' I said. ``Now I intend to ask +your indulgence. As you are all in favor of the +amendment, there is no use in my setting its claims +before you; and, as I am utterly exhausted, I +suggest that we sing the Doxology and go home!'' + +The audience saw the common sense of my +position, so the people laughed and sang the Doxol- +ogy and departed. As we were leaving the hall +one of Coatesville's prominent citizens stopped me. + +``I wish you were a man,'' he said. ``The town +was to have a big outdoor meeting to-night, and +the orator has failed us. There are thousands of +men in the streets waiting for the speech, and the +saloons are sending them free drinks to get them +drunk and carry the town to-morrow.'' + +``Why,'' I said, ``I'll talk to them if you wish.'' + +``Great Scott!'' he gasped. ``I'd be afraid to let +you. Something might happen!'' + +``If anything happens, it will be in a good cause,'' +I reminded him. ``Let us go.'' + +Down-town we found the streets so packed with +men that the cars could not get through, and with +the greatest difficulty we reached the stand which +had been erected for the speaker. It was a gorgeous +affair. There were flaring torches all around it, and +a ``bull's-eye,'' taken from the head of a locomotive, +made an especially brilliant patch of light. The +stand had been erected at a point where the city's +four principal streets meet, and as far as I could +see there were solid masses of citizens extending +into these streets. A glee-club was doing its best +to help things along, and the music of an organette, +an instrument much used at the time in campaign +rallies, swelled the joyful tumult. As I mounted +the platform the crowd was singing ``Vote for Betty +and the Baby,'' and I took that song for my text, +speaking of the helplessness of women and children +in the face of intemperance, and telling the crowd +the only hope of the Coatesville women lay in the +vote cast by their men the next day. + +Directly in front of me stood a huge and ex- +traordinarily repellent-looking negro. A glance at +him almost made one shudder, but before I had +finished my first sentence he raised his right arm +straight above him and shouted, in a deep and +wonderfully rich bass voice, ``Hallelujah to the +Lamb!'' From that point on he punctuated my +speech every few moments with good, old-fashioned +exclamations of salvation which helped to inspire +the crowd. I spoke for almost an hour. Three +times in my life, and only three times, I have made +speeches that have satisfied me to the degree, that +is, of making me feel that at least I was giving the +best that was in me. The speech at Coatesville was +one of those three. At the end of it the good-natured +crowd cheered for ten minutes. The next day +Coatesville voted for prohibition, and, rightly or +wrongly, I have always believed that I helped to win +that victory. + +Here, by the way, I may add that of the two other +speeches which satisfied me one was made in Chicago, +during the World's Fair, in 1893, and the other in +Stockholm, Sweden, in 1912. The International +Council of Women, it will be remembered, met in +Chicago during the Fair, and I was invited to preach +the sermon at the Sunday-morning session. The +occasion was a very important one, bringing to- +gether at least five thousand persons, including +representative women from almost every country +in Europe, and a large number of women ministers. +These made an impressive group, as they all wore +their ministerial robes; and for the first time I +preached in a ministerial robe, ordered especially +for that day. It was made of black crepe de Chine, +with great double flowing sleeves, white silk under- +sleeves, and a wide white silk underfold down the +front; and I may mention casually that it looked +very much better than I felt, for I was very nervous. +My father had come on to Chicago especially to +hear my sermon, and had been invited to sit on the +platform. Even yet he was not wholly reconciled +to my public work, but he was beginning to take a +deep interest in it. I greatly desired to please him +and to satisfy Miss Anthony, who was extremely +anxious that on that day of all days I should do my +best. + +I gave an unusual amount of time and thought to +that sermon, and at last evolved what I modestly +believed to be a good one. I never write out a +sermon in advance, but I did it this time, laboriously, +and then memorized the effort. The night before +the sermon was to be delivered Miss Anthony asked +me about it, and when I realized how deeply in- +terested she was I delivered it to her then and there +as a rehearsal. It was very late, and I knew we +would not be interrupted. As she listened her +face grew longer and longer and her lips drooped +at the corners. Her disappointment was so obvious +that I had difficulty in finishing my recitation; but +I finally got through it, though rather weakly toward +the end, and waited to hear what she would say, +hoping against hope that she had liked it better +than she seemed to. But Susan B. Anthony was +the frankest as well as the kindest of women. Reso- +lutely she shook her head. + +``It's no good, Anna,'' she said; firmly. ``You'll +have to do better. You've polished and repolished +that sermon until there's no life left in it. It's dead. +Besides, I don't care for your text.'' + +``Then give me a text,'' I demanded, gloomily. + +``I can't,'' said Aunt Susan. + +I was tired and bitterly disappointed, and both +conditions showed in my reply. + +``Well,'' I asked, somberly, ``if you can't even +supply a text, how do you suppose I'm going to +deliver a brand-new sermon at ten o'clock to-morrow +morning?'' + +``Oh,'' declared Aunt Susan, blithely, ``you'll find +a text.'' + +I suggested several, but she did not like them. +At last I said, ``I have it--`Let no man take thy +crown.' '' + +``That's it!'' exclaimed Miss Anthony. ``Give us +a good sermon on that text.'' + +She went to her room to sleep the sleep of the +just and the untroubled, but I tossed in my bed the +rest of the night, planning the points of the new +sermon. After I had delivered it the next morning +I went to my father to assist him from the platform. +He was trembling, and his eyes were full of tears. +He seized my arm and pressed it. + +``Now I am ready to die,'' was all he said. + +I was so tired that I felt ready to die, too; but +his satisfaction and a glance at Aunt Susan's con- +tented face gave me the tonic I needed. Father +died two years later, and as I was campaigning in +California I was not with him at the end. It was +a comfort to remember, however, that in the twilight +of his life he had learned to understand his most +difficult daughter, and to give her credit for earnest- +ness of purpose, at least, in following the life that had +led her away from him. After his death, and imme- +diately upon my return from California, I visited +my mother, and it was well indeed that I did, for +within a few months she followed father into the +other world for which all of her unselfish life had +been a preparation. + +Our last days together were perfect. Her attitude +was one of serene and cheerful expectancy, and I +always think of her as sitting among the primroses +and bluebells she loved, which seemed to bloom +unceasingly in the windows of her room. I recall, +too, with gratitude, a trifle which gave her a pleasure +out of all proportion to what I had dreamed it would +do. She had expressed a longing for some English +heather, ``not the hot-house variety, but the kind that +blooms on the hills,'' and I had succeeded in getting +a bunch for her by writing to an English friend. + +Its possession filled her with joy, and from the +time it came until the day her eyes closed in their +last sleep it was rarely beyond reach of her hand. +At her request, when she was buried we laid the +heather on her heart--the heart of a true and loyal +woman, who, though her children had not known +it, must have longed without ceasing throughout +her New World life for the Old World of her youth. + +The Scandinavian speech was an even more vital +experience than the Chicago one, for in Stockholm +I delivered the first sermon ever preached by a +woman in the State Church of Sweden, and the +event was preceded by an amount of political and +journalistic opposition which gave it an international +importance. I had also been invited by the Nor- +wegian women to preach in the State Church of +Norway, but there we experienced obstacles. By +the laws of Norway women are permitted to hold +all public offices except those in the army, navy, and +church--a rather remarkable militant and spiritual +combination. As a woman, therefore, I was denied +the use of the church by the Minister of Church +Affairs. + +The decision created great excitement and much +delving into the law. It then appeared that if the +use of a State Church is desired for a minister of a +foreign country the government can give such per- +mission. It was thought that I might slip in through +this loophole, and application was made to the +government. The reply came that permission could +be received only from the entire Cabinet; and while +the Cabinet gentlemen were feverishly discussing +the important issue, the Norwegian press became +active, pointing out that the Minister of Church +Affairs had arrogantly assumed the right of the +entire Cabinet in denying the application. The +charge was taken up by the party opposed to the +government party in Parliament, and the Minister +of Church Affairs swiftly turned the whole matter +over to his conferees. + +The Cabinet held a session, and by a vote of four +to three decided NOT to allow a woman to preach in +the State Church. I am happy to add that of the +three who voted favorably on the question one was +the Premier of Norway. Again the newspapers +grasped their opportunity--especially the organs of +the opposition party. My rooms were filled with +reporters, while daily the excitement grew. The +question was brought up in Parliament, and I was +invited to attend and hear the discussion there. +By this time every newspaper in Scandinavia was +for or against me; and the result of the whole matter +was that, though the State Church of Norway was +not opened to me, a most unusual interest had been +aroused in my sermon in the State Church of Sweden. +When I arrived there to keep my engagement, not +only was the wonderful structure packed to its walls, +but the waiting crowds in the street were so large +that the police had difficulty in opening a way for +our party. + +I shall never forget my impression of the church +itself when I entered it. It will always stand forth +in my memory as one of the most beautiful churches +I have ever visited. On every side were monu- +ments of dead heroes and statesmen, and the high, +vaulted blue dome seemed like the open sky above +our heads. Over us lay a light like a soft twilight, +and the great congregation filled not only all the +pews, but the aisles, the platform, and even the +steps of the pulpit. The ushers were young women +from the University of Upsala, wearing white uni- +versity caps with black vizors, and sashes in the +university colors. The anthem was composed es- +pecially for the occasion by the first woman cathe- +dral organist in Sweden--the organist of the cathe- +dral in Gothenburg--and she had brought with her +thirty members of her choir, all of them remarkable +singers. + +The whole occasion was indescribably impressive, +and I realized in every fiber the necessity of being +worthy of it. Also, I experienced a sensation such +as I had never known before, and which I can only +describe as a seeming complete separation of my +physical self from my spiritual self. It was as if my +body stood aside and watched my soul enter that +pulpit. There was no uncertainty, no nervousness, +though usually I am very nervous when I begin to +speak; and when I had finished I knew that I had +done my best. + +But all this is a long way from the early days I +was discussing, when I was making my first diffident +bows to lecture audiences and learning the lessons +of the pioneer in the lecture-field. I was soon to +learn more, for in 1888 Miss Anthony persuaded me +to drop my temperance work and concentrate my +energies on the suffrage cause. For a long time I +hesitated. I was very happy in my connection +with the Woman's Christian Temperance Union, +and I knew that Miss Willard was depending on me +to continue it. But Miss Anthony's arguments +were irrefutable, and she was herself, as always, +irresistible. + +``You can't win two causes at once,'' she reminded +me. ``You're merely scattering your energies. Be- +gin at the beginning. Win suffrage for women, and +the rest will follow.'' As an added argument, she +took me with her on her Kansas campaign, and after +that no further arguments were needed. From then +until her death, eighteen years later, Miss Anthony +and I worked shoulder to shoulder. + +The most interesting lecture episode of our first +Kansas campaign was my debate with Senator John +J. Ingalls. Before this, however, on our arrival +at Atchison, Mrs. Ingalls gave a luncheon for Miss +Anthony, and Rachel Foster Avery and I were also +invited. Miss Anthony sat at the right of Senator +Ingalls, and I at his left, while Mrs. Ingalls, of course, +adorned the opposite end of her table. Mrs. Avery +and I had just been entertained for several days at +the home of a vegetarian friend who did not know +how to cook vegetables, and we were both half +starved. When we were invited to the Ingalls home +we had uttered in unison a joyous cry, ``Now we shall +have something to eat!'' At the luncheon, however, +Senator Ingalls kept Miss Anthony and me talking +steadily. He was not in favor of suffrage for women, +but he wished to know all sorts of things about the +Cause, and we were anxious to have him know them. +The result was that I had time for only an occasional +mouthful, while down at the end of the table Mrs. +Avery ate and ate, pausing only to send me glances +of heartfelt sympathy. Also, whenever she had an +especially toothsome morsel on the end of her fork +she wickedly succeeded in catching my eye and thus +adding the last sybaritic touch to her enjoyment. + +Notwithstanding the wealth of knowledge we had +bestowed upon him, or perhaps because of it, the +following night Senator Ingalls made his famous +speech against suffrage, and it fell to my lot to +answer him. In the course of his remarks he asked +this question: ``Would you like to add three million +illiterate voters to the large body of illiterate voters +we have in America to-day?'' The audience ap- +plauded light-heartedly, but I was disturbed by the +sophistry of the question. One of Senator Ingalls's +most discussed personal peculiarities was the parting +of his hair in the middle. Cartoonists and news- +paper writers always made much of this, so when I +rose to reply I felt justified in mentioning it. + +``Senator Ingalls,'' I began, ``parts his hair in the +middle, as we all know, but he makes up for it by +parting his figures on one side. Last night he gave +you the short side of his figures. At the present time +there are in the United States about eighteen million +women of voting age. When the Senator asked +whether you wanted three million additional illiterate +women voters, he forgot to ask also if you didn't want +fifteen million additional intelligent women voters! +We will grant that it will take the votes of three +million intelligent women to wipe out the votes of +three million illiterate women. But don't forget that +that would still leave us twelve million intelligent +votes to the good!'' + +The audience applauded as gaily as it had ap- +plauded Senator Ingalls when he spoke on the other +side, and I continued: + +``Now women have always been generous to men. +So of our twelve million intelligent voters we will +offer four million to offset the votes of the four +million illiterate men in this country--and then +we will still have eight million intelligent votes to +add to the other intelligent votes which are cast.'' +The audience seemed to enjoy this. + +``The anti-suffragists are fairly safe,'' I ended, +``as long as they remain on the plane of prophecy. +But as soon as they tackle mathematics they get +into trouble!'' + +Miss Anthony was much pleased by the wide +publicity given to this debate, but Senator Ingalls +failed to share her enthusiasm. + +It was shortly after this encounter that I had +two traveling experiences which nearly cost me my +life. One of them occurred in Ohio at the time of +a spring freshet. I know of no state that can cover +itself with water as completely as Ohio can, and for +no apparent reason. On this occasion it was break- +ing its own record. We had driven twenty miles +across country in a buggy which was barely out of the +water, and behind horses that at times were almost +forced to swim, and when we got near the town +where I was to lecture, though still on the opposite +side of the river from it, we discovered that the +bridge was gone. We had a good view of the town, +situated high and dry on a steep bank; but the river +which rolled between us and that town was a roaring, +boiling stream, and the only possible way to cross +it, I found, was to walk over a railroad trestle, already +trembling under the force of the water. + +There were hundreds of men on the river-bank +watching the flood, and when they saw me start +out on the empty trestle they set up a cheer that +nearly threw me off. The river was wide and the +ties far apart, and the roar of the stream below was +far from reassuring; but in some way I reached the +other side, and was there helped off the trestle by +what the newspapers called ``strong and willing +hands.'' + +Another time, in a desperate resolve to meet a +lecture engagement, I walked across the railroad +trestle at Elmira, New York, and when I was half- +way over I heard shouts of warning to turn back, as +a train was coming. The trestle was very high at +that point, and I realized that if I turned and faced +an oncoming train I would undoubtedly lose my +nerve and fall. So I kept on, as rapidly as I could, +accompanied by the shrieks of those who objected +to witnessing a violent death, and I reached the end +of the trestle just as an express-train thundered on +the beginning of it. The next instant a policeman +had me by the shoulders and was shaking me as if +I had been a bad child. + +``If you ever do such a thing again,'' he thundered, +``I'll lock you up!'' + +As soon as I could speak I assured him fervently +that I never would; one such experience was all I +desired. + +Occasionally a flash of humor, conscious or un- +conscious, lit up the gloom of a trying situation. +Thus, in Parkersburg, West Virginia, the train I +was on ran into a coal-car. I was sitting in a sleep- +er, leaning back comfortably with my feet on the +seat in front of me, and the force of the collision lifted +me up, turned me completely over, and deposited +me, head first, two seats beyond. On every side I +heard cries and the crash of human bodies against +unyielding substances as my fellow-passengers flew +through the air, while high and clear above the +tumult rang the voice of the conductor: + +``Keep your seats!'' he yelled. ``KEEP YOUR SEATS!'' + +Nobody in our car was seriously hurt; but, so +great is the power of vested authority, no one smiled +over that order but me. + +Many times my medical experience was useful. +Once I was on a train which ran into a buggy and +killed the woman in it. Her little daughter, who +was with her, was badly hurt, and when the train +had stopped the crew lifted the dead woman and +the injured child on board, to take them to the next +station. As I was the only doctor among the pas- +sengers, the child was turned over to me. I made up +a bed on the seats and put the little patient there, +but no woman in the car was able to assist me. The +tragedy had made them hysterical, and on every +side they were weeping and nerveless. The men were +willing but inefficient, with the exception of one un- +couth woodsman whose trousers were tucked into +his boots and whose hands were phenomenally big +and awkward. But they were also very gentle, as +I realized when he began to help me. I knew at +once that he was the man I needed, notwithstanding +his unkempt hair, his general ungainliness, the +hat he wore on the back of his head, and the pink +carnation in his buttonhole, which, by its very in- +congruity, added the final accent to his unprepossess- +ing appearance. Together we worked over the child, +making it as comfortable as we could. It was hard- +ly necessary to tell my aide what I wanted done; +he seemed to know and even to anticipate my efforts. + +When we reached the next station the dead woman +was taken out and laid on the platform, and a nurse +and doctor who had been telegraphed for were wait- +ing to care for the little girl. She was conscious by +this time, and with the most exquisite gentleness my +rustic Bayard lifted her in his arms to carry her off +the train. Quite unnecessarily I motioned to him +not to let her see her dead mother. He was not the +sort who needed that warning; he had already turned +her face to his shoulder, and, with head bent low +above her, was safely skirting the spot where the +long, covered figure lay. + +Evidently the station was his destination, too, +for he remained there; but just as the train pulled +out he came hurrying to my window, took the car- +nation from his buttonhole, and without a word +handed it to me. And after the tragic hour in +which I had learned to know him the crushed flower, +from that man, seemed the best fee I had ever +received. + + + +IX + +``AUNT SUSAN'' + +In The Life of Susan B. Anthony it is mentioned +that 1888 was a year of special recognition of our +great leader's work, but that it was also the year +in which many of her closest friends and strongest +supporters were taken from her by death. A. Bron- +son Alcott was among these, and Louisa M. Alcott, +as well as Dr. Lozier; and special stress is laid on +Miss Anthony's sense of loss in the diminishing circle +of her friends--a loss which new friends and workers +came forward, eager to supply. + +``Chief among these,'' adds the record, ``was Anna +Shaw, who, from the time of the International Coun- +cil in '88, gave her truest allegiance to Miss An- +thony.'' + +It is true that from that year until Miss Anthony's +death in 1906 we two were rarely separated; and +I never read the paragraph I have just quoted with- +out seeing, as in a vision, the figure of ``Aunt Susan'' +as she slipped into my hotel room in Chicago late +one night after an evening meeting of the Inter- +national Council. I had gone to bed--indeed, I was +almost asleep when she came, for the day had been +as exhausting as it was interesting. But notwith- +standing the lateness of the hour, ``Aunt Susan,'' +then nearing seventy, was still as fresh and as full +of enthusiasm as a young girl. She had a great deal +to say, she declared, and she proceeded to say it-- +sitting in a big easy-chair near the bed, with a rug +around her knees, while I propped myself up with +pillows and listened. + +Hours passed and the dawn peered wanly through +the windows, but still Miss Anthony talked of the +Cause always of the Cause--and of what we two +must do for it. The previous evening she had been +too busy to eat any dinner, and I greatly doubt +whether she had eaten any luncheon at noon. She +had been on her feet for hours at a time, and she +had held numerous discussions with other women +she wished to inspire to special effort. Yet, after +it all, here she was laying out our campaigns for years +ahead, foreseeing everything, forgetting nothing, and +sweeping me with her in her flight toward our com- +mon goal, until I, who am not easily carried off my +feet, experienced an almost dizzy sense of exhilara- +tion. + +Suddenly she stopped, looked at the gas-jets paling +in the morning light that filled the room, and for a +fleeting instant seemed surprised. In the next she +had dismissed from her mind the realization that we +had talked all night. Why should we not talk all +night? It was part of our work. She threw off +the enveloping rug and rose. + +``I must dress now,'' she said, briskly. ``I've +called a committee meeting before the morning +session.'' + +On her way to the door nature smote her with a +rare reminder, but even then she did not realize that +it was personal. ``Perhaps,'' she remarked, tenta- +tively, ``you ought to have a cup of coffee.'' + +That was ``Aunt Susan.'' And in the eighteen +years which followed I had daily illustrations of her +superiority to purely human weaknesses. To her +the hardships we underwent later, in our Western +campaigns for woman suffrage, were as the airiest +trifles. Like a true soldier, she could snatch a mo- +ment of sleep or a mouthful of food where she found +it, and if either was not forthcoming she did not +miss it. To me she was an unceasing inspira- +tion--the torch that illumined my life. We went +through some difficult years together--years when +we fought hard for each inch of headway we gained +--but I found full compensation for every effort in +the glory of working with her for the Cause that was +first in both our hearts, and in the happiness of being +her friend. Later I shall describe in more detail the +suffrage campaigns and the National and Inter- +national councils in which we took part; now it is +of her I wish to write--of her bigness, her many- +sidedness, her humor, her courage, her quickness, +her sympathy, her understanding, her force, her +supreme common-sense, her selflessness; in short, of +the rare beauty of her nature as I learned to know it. + +Like most great leaders, she took one's best work +for granted, and was chary with her praise; and even +when praise was given it usually came by indirect +routes. I recall with amusement that the highest +compliment she ever paid me in public involved her +in a tangle from which, later, only her quick wit +extricated her. We were lecturing in an especially +pious town which I shall call B----, and just before +I went on the platform Miss Anthony remarked, +peacefully: + +``These people have always claimed that I am ir- +religious. They will not accept the fact that I am +a Quaker--or, rather, they seem to think a Quaker +is an infidel. I am glad you are a Methodist, for +now they cannot claim that we are not orthodox.'' + +She was still enveloped in the comfort of this re- +flection when she introduced me to our audience, +and to impress my qualifications upon my hearers +she made her introduction in these words: + +``It is a pleasure to introduce Miss Shaw, who +is a Methodist minister. And she is not only ortho- +dox of the orthodox, but she is also my right bower!'' + +There was a gasp from the pious audience, and +then a roar of laughter from irreverent men, in +which, I must confess, I light-heartedly joined. For +once in her life Miss Anthony lost her presence of +mind; she did not know how to meet the situation, +for she had no idea what had caused the laughter. +It bubbled forth again and again during the eve- +ning, and each time Miss Anthony received the dem- +onstration with the same air of puzzled surprise. +When we had returned to our hotel rooms I explained +the matter to her. I do not remember now where +I had acquired my own sinful knowledge, but that +night I faced ``Aunt Susan'' from the pedestal of a +sophisticated worldling. + +``Don't you know what a right bower is?'' I de- +manded, sternly. + +``Of course I do,'' insisted ``Aunt Susan.'' ``It's +a right-hand man--the kind one can't do without.'' + +``It is a card,'' I told her, firmly--``a leading card +in a game called euchre.'' + +``Aunt Susan'' was dazed. ``I didn't know it had +anything to do with cards,'' she mused, mournfully. +``What must they think of me?'' + +What they thought became quite evident. The +newspapers made countless jokes at our expense, +and there were significant smiles on the faces in the +audience that awaited us the next night. When +Miss Anthony walked upon the platform she at +once proceeded to clear herself of the tacit charge +against her. + +``When I came to your town,'' she began, cheer- +fully, ``I had been warned that you were a very +religious lot of people. I wanted to impress upon +you the fact that Miss Shaw and I are religious, too. +But I admit that when I told you she was my right +bower I did not know what a right bower was. I +have learned that, since last night.'' + +She waited until the happy chortles of her hearers +had subsided, and then went on. + +``It interests me very much, however,'' she con- +cluded, ``to realize that every one of you seemed to +know all about a right bower, and that I had to come +to your good, orthodox town to get the informa- +tion.'' + +That time the joke was on the audience. +Miss Anthony's home was in Rochester, New +York, and it was said by our friends that on the +rare occasions when we were not together, and I was +lecturing independently, ``all return roads led +through Rochester.'' I invariably found some ex- +cuse to go there and report to her. Together we +must have worn out many Rochester pavements, +for ``Aunt Susan's'' pet recreation was walking, and +she used to walk me round and round the city +squares, far into the night, and at a pace that made +policemen gape at us as we flew by. Some dis- +respectful youth once remarked that on these oc- +casions we suggested a race between a ruler and a +rubber ball--for she was very tall and thin, while +I am short and plump. To keep up with her I +literally bounded at her side. + +A certain amount of independent lecturing was +necessary for me, for I had to earn my living. The +National American Woman Suffrage Association +has never paid salaries to its officers, so, when I be- +came vice-president and eventually, in 1904, presi- +dent of the association, I continued to work gratui- +tously for the Cause in these positions. Even Miss +Anthony received not one penny of salary for all +her years of unceasing labor, and she was so poor +that she did not have a home of her own until she +was seventy-five. Then it was a very simple one, +and she lived with the utmost economy. I decided +that I could earn my bare expenses by making one +brief lecture tour each year, and I made an arrange- +ment with the Redpath Bureau which left me +fully two-thirds of my time for the suffrage work +I loved. + +This was one result of my all-night talk with Miss +Anthony in Chicago, and it enabled me to carry +out her plan that I should accompany her in most +of the campaigns in which she sought to arouse the +West to the need of suffrage for women. From that +time on we traveled and lectured together so con- +stantly that each of us developed an almost uncanny +knowledge of the other's mental processes. At any +point of either's lecture the other could pick it up +and carry it on--a fortunate condition, as it some- +times became necessary to do this. Miss Anthony +was subject to contractions of the throat, which for +the moment caused a slight strangulation. On such +occasions--of which there were several--she would +turn to me and indicate her helplessness. Then I +would repeat her last sentence, complete her speech, +and afterward make my own. + +The first time this happened we were in Washing- +ton, and ``Aunt Susan'' stopped in the middle of a +word. She could not speak; she merely motioned +to me to continue for her, and left the stage. At the +end of the evening a prominent Washington man +who had been in our audience remarked to me, con- +fidentially: + +``That was a nice little play you and Miss An- +thony made to-night--very effective indeed.'' + +For an instant I did not catch his meaning, nor +the implication in his knowing smile. + +``Very clever, that strangling bit, and your going +on with the speech,'' he repeated. ``It hit the au- +dience hard.'' + +``Surely,'' I protested, ``you don't think it was a +deliberate thing--that we planned or rehearsed it.'' + +He stared at me incredulously. ``Are you going +to pretend,'' he demanded, ``that it wasn't a put-up +job?'' + +I told him he had paid us a high compliment, and +that we must really have done very well if we had +conveyed that impression; and I finally convinced +him that we not only had not rehearsed the episode, +but that neither of us had known what the other +meant to say. We never wrote out our speeches, +but our subject was always suffrage or some ramifica- +tion of suffrage, and, naturally, we had thoroughly +digested each other's views. + +It is said by my friends that I write my speeches +on the tips of my fingers--for I always make my +points on my fingers and have my fingers named for +points. When I plan a speech I decide how many +points I wish to make and what those points shall +be. My mental preparation follows. Miss An- +thony's method was much the same; but very fre- +quently both of us threw over all our plans at the last +moment and spoke extemporaneously on some theme +suggested by the atmosphere of the gathering or by +the words of another speaker. + +From Miss Anthony, more than from any one else, +I learned to keep cool in the face of interruptions +and of the small annoyances and disasters inevitable +in campaigning. Often we were able to help each +other out of embarrassing situations, and one incident +of this kind occurred during our campaign in South +Dakota. We were holding a meeting on the hottest +Sunday of the hottest month in the year--August-- +and hundreds of the natives had driven twenty, +thirty, and even forty miles across the country to +hear us. We were to speak in a sod church, but it +was discovered that the structure would not hold half +the people who were trying to enter it, so we decided +that Miss Anthony should speak from the door, in +order that those both inside and outside might hear +her. To elevate her above her audience, she was +given an empty dry-goods box to stand on. + +This makeshift platform was not large, and men, +women, and children were seated on the ground +around it, pressing up against it, as close to the +speaker as they could get. Directly in front of Miss +Anthony sat a woman with a child about two years +old--a little boy; and this infant, like every one else +in the packed throng, was dripping with perspiration +and suffering acutely under the blazing sun. Every +woman present seemed to have brought children with +her, doubtless because she could not leave them +alone at home; and babies were crying and fretting +on all sides. The infant nearest Miss Anthony fretted +most strenuously; he was a sturdy little fellow with +a fine pair of lungs, and he made it very difficult for +her to lift her voice above his dismal clamor. Sud- +denly, however, he discovered her feet on the dry- +goods box, about on a level with his head. They +were clad in black stockings and low shoes; they +moved about oddly; they fascinated him. With a +yelp of interest he grabbed for them and began +pinching them to see what they were. His howls +ceased; he was happy. + +Miss Anthony was not. But it was a great relief +to have the child quiet, so she bore the infliction of +the pinching as long as she could. When endurance +had found its limit she slipped back out of reach, +and as his new plaything receded the boy uttered +shrieks of disapproval. There was only one way to +stop his noise; Miss Anthony brought her feet for- +ward again, and he resumed the pinching of her +ankles, while his yelps subsided to contented mur- +murs. The performance was repeated half a dozen +times. Each time the ankles retreated the baby +yelled. Finally, for once at the end of her patience, +``Aunt Susan'' leaned forward and addressed the +mother, whose facial expression throughout had +shown a complete mental detachment from the situa- +tion. + +``I think your little boy is hot and thirsty,'' she +said, gently. ``If you would take him out of the +crowd and give him a drink of water and unfasten +his clothes, I am sure he would be more comfortable.'' +Before she had finished speaking the woman had +sprung to her feet and was facing her with fierce +indignation. + +``This is the first time I have ever been insulted +as a mother,'' she cried; ``and by an old maid at +that!'' Then she grasped the infant and left the +scene, amid great confusion. The majority of those +in the audience seemed to sympathize with her. +They had not seen the episode of the feet, and they +thought Miss Anthony was complaining of the child's +crying. Their children were crying, too, and they +felt that they had all been criticized. Other women +rose and followed the irate mother, and many men +gallantly followed them. It seemed clear that +motherhood had been outraged. + +Miss Anthony was greatly depressed by the epi- +sode, and she was not comforted by a prediction one +man made after the meeting. + +``You've lost at least twenty votes by that little +affair,'' he told her. + +``Aunt Susan'' sighed. ``Well,'' she said, ``if those +men knew how my ankles felt I would have won +twenty votes by enduring the torture as long as I did.'' + +The next day we had a second meeting. Miss +Anthony made her speech early in the evening, and +by the time it was my turn to begin all the children +in the audience--and there were many--were both +tired and sleepy. At least half a dozen of them +were crying, and I had to shout to make my voice +heard above their uproar. Miss Anthony remarked +afterward that there seemed to be a contest between +me and the infants to see which of us could make +more noise. The audience was plainly getting rest- +less under the combined effect, and finally a man in +the rear rose and added his voice to the tumult. + +``Say, Miss Shaw,'' he yelled, ``don't you want +these children put out?'' + +It was our chance to remove the sad impression +of yesterday, and I grasped it. + +``No, indeed,'' I yelled back. ``Nothing inspires +me like the voice of a child!'' + +A handsome round of applause from mothers and +fathers greeted this noble declaration, after which +the blessed babies and I resumed our joint vocal +efforts. When the speech was finished and we were +alone together, Miss Anthony put her arm around +my shoulder and drew me to her side. + +``Well, Anna,'' she said, gratefully, ``you've cer- +tainly evened us up on motherhood this time.'' + +That South Dakota campaign was one of the +most difficult we ever made. It extended over nine +months; and it is impossible to describe the poverty +which prevailed throughout the whole rural com- +munity of the State. There had been three con- +secutive years of drought. The sand was like pow- +der, so deep that the wheels of the wagons in which +we rode ``across country'' sank half-way to the +hubs; and in the midst of this dry powder lay with- +ered tangles that had once been grass. Every one +had the forsaken, desperate look worn by the pioneer +who has reached the limit of his endurance, and the +great stretches of prairie roads showed innumerable +canvas-covered wagons, drawn by starved horses, +and followed by starved cows, on their way ``Back +East.'' Our talks with the despairing drivers of +these wagons are among my most tragic memories. +They had lost everything except what they had with +them, and they were going East to leave ``the wom- +an'' with her father and try to find work. Usually, +with a look of disgust at his wife, the man would +say: ``I wanted to leave two years ago, but the +woman kept saying, `Hold on a little longer.' '' + +Both Miss Anthony and I gloried in the spirit of +these pioneer women, and lost no opportunity to +tell them so; for we realized what our nation owes +to the patience and courage of such as they were. +We often asked them what was the hardest thing to +bear in their pioneer life, and we usually received +the same reply: + +``To sit in our little adobe or sod houses at night +and listen to the wolves howl over the graves of our +babies. For the howl of the wolf is like the cry of +a child from the grave.'' + +Many days, and in all kinds of weather, we rode +forty and fifty miles in uncovered wagons. Many +nights we shared a one-room cabin with all the mem- +bers of the family. But the greatest hardship we +suffered was the lack of water. There was very +little good water in the state, and the purest water +was so brackish that we could hardly drink it. The +more we drank the thirstier we became, and when +the water was made into tea it tasted worse than +when it was clear. A bath was the rarest of luxuries. +The only available fuel was buffalo manure, of which +the odor permeated all our food. But despite these +handicaps we were happy in our work, for we had +some great meetings and many wonderful experiences. + +When we reached the Black Hills we had more of +this genuine campaigning. We traveled over the +mountains in wagons, behind teams of horses, visit- +ing the mining-camps; and often the gullies were so +deep that when our horses got into them it was al- +most impossible to get them out. I recall with +special clearness one ride from Hill City to Custer +City. It was only a matter of thirty miles, but it was +thoroughly exhausting; and after our meeting that +same night we had to drive forty miles farther over +the mountains to get the early morning train from +Buffalo Gap. The trail from Custer City to Buffalo +Gap was the one the animals had originally made in +their journeys over the pass, and the drive in that +wild region, throughout a cold, piercing October +night, was an unforgetable experience. Our host at +Custer City lent Miss Anthony his big buffalo over- +coat, and his wife lent hers to me. They also heated +blocks of wood for our feet, and with these pro- +tections we started. A full moon hung in the sky. +The trees were covered with hoar-frost, and the cold, +still air seemed to sparkle in the brilliant light. +Again Miss Anthony talked to me throughout the +night--of the work, always of the work, and of what +it would mean to the women who followed us; and +again she fired my soul with the flame that burned +so steadily in her own. + +It was daylight when we reached the little sta- +tion at Buffalo Gap where we were to take the +train. This was not due, however, for half an hour, +and even then it did not come. The station was +only large enough to hold the stove, the ticket-office, +and the inevitable cuspidor. There was barely +room in which to walk between these and the wall. +Miss Anthony sat down on the floor. I had a few +raisins in my bag, and we divided them for breakfast. +An hour passed, and another, and still the train did +not come. Miss Anthony, her back braced against +the wall, buried her face in her hands and dropped +into a peaceful abyss of slumber, while I walked +restlessly up and down the platform. The train +arrived four hours late, and when eventually we had +reached our destination we learned that the min- +isters of the town had persuaded the women to give +up the suffrage meeting scheduled for that night, as +it was Sunday. + +This disappointment, following our all-day and +all-night drive to keep our appointment, aroused +Miss Anthony's fighting spirit. She sent me out to +rent the theater for the evening, and to have some +hand-bills printed and distributed, announcing that +we would speak. At three o'clock she made the +concession to her seventy years of lying down for +an hour's rest. I was young and vigorous, so I +trotted around town to get somebody to preside, +somebody to introduce us, somebody to take up +the collection, and somebody who would provide +music--in short, to make all our preparations for +the night meeting. + +When evening came the crowd which had assem- +bled was so great that men and women sat in the +windows and on the stage, and stood in the flies. +Night attractions were rare in that Dakota town, +and here was something new. Nobody went to +church, so the churches were forced to close. We +had a glorious meeting. Both Miss Anthony and I +were in excellent fighting trim, and Miss Anthony +remarked that the only thing lacking to make me +do my best was a sick headache. The collection we +took up paid all our expenses, the church singers +sang for us, the great audience was interested, and +the whole occasion was an inspiring success. + +The meeting ended about half after ten o'clock, +and I remember taking Miss Anthony to our hotel +and escorting her to her room. I also remember +that she followed me to the door and made some +laughing remark as I left for my own room; but I +recall nothing more until the next morning when +she stood beside me telling me it was time for break- +fast. She had found me lying on the cover of my +bed, fully clothed even to my bonnet and shoes. +I had fallen there, utterly exhausted, when I entered +my room the night before, and I do not think I had +even moved from that time until the moment-- +nine hours later--when I heard her voice and felt +her hand on my shoulder. + +After all our work, we did not win Dakota that +year, but Miss Anthony bore the disappointment +with the serenity she always showed. To her a +failure was merely another opportunity, and I men- +tion our experience here only to show of what she +was capable in her gallant seventies. But I should +misrepresent her if I did not show her human and +sentimental side as well. With all her detachment +from human needs she had emotional moments, and +of these the most satisfying came when she was +listening to music. She knew nothing whatever +about music, but was deeply moved by it; and I re- +member vividly one occasion when Nordica sang +for her, at an afternoon reception given by a Chicago +friend in ``Aunt Susan's'' honor. As it happened, +she had never heard Nordica sing until that day; +and before the music began the great artiste and the +great leader met, and in the moment of meeting +became friends. When Nordica sang, half an hour +later, she sang directly to Miss Anthony, looking +into her eyes; and ``Aunt Susan'' listened with her +own eyes full of tears. When the last notes had been +sung she went to the singer and put both arms +around her. The music had carried her back to her +girlhood and to the sentiment of sixteen. + +``Oh, Nordica,'' she sighed, ``I could die listening +to such singing!'' + +Another example of her unquenchable youth has +also a Chicago setting. During the World's Fair a +certain clergyman made an especially violent stand +in favor of closing the Fair grounds on Sunday. +Miss Anthony took issue with him. + +``If I had charge of a young man in Chicago at this +time,'' she told the clergyman, ``I would much +rather have him locked inside the Fair grounds on +Sunday or any other day than have him going +about on the outside.'' + +The clergyman was horrified. ``Would you like +to have a son of yours go to Buffalo Bill's Wild West +Show on Sunday?'' he demanded. + +``Of course I would,'' admitted Miss Anthony. +``In fact, I think he would learn more there than +from the sermons preached in some churches.'' + +Later this remark was repeated to Colonel Cody +(``Buffalo Bill''), who, of course, was delighted with +it. He at once wrote to Miss Anthony, thanking +her for the breadth of her views, and offering her a +box for his ``Show.'' She had no strong desire +to see the performance, but some of us urged her to +accept the invitation and to take us with her. She +was always ready to do anything that would give +us pleasure, so she promised that we should go the +next afternoon. Others heard of the jaunt and +begged to go also, and Miss Anthony blithely took +every applicant under her wing, with the result that +when we arrived at the box-office the next day +there were twelve of us in the group. When she +presented her note and asked for a box, the local +manager looked doubtfully at the delegation. + +``A box only holds six,'' he objected, logically. +Miss Anthony, who had given no thought to that +slight detail, looked us over and smiled her seraphic +smile. + +``Why, in that case,'' she said, cheerfully, ``you'll +have to give us two boxes, won't you?'' + +The amused manager decided that he would, and +handed her the tickets; and she led her band to +their places in triumph. When the performance be- +gan Colonel Cody, as was his custom, entered the +arena from the far end of the building, riding his +wonderful horse and bathed, of course, in the efful- +gence of his faithful spot-light. He rode directly +to our boxes, reined his horse in front of Miss An- +thony, rose in his stirrups, and with his characteris- +tic gesture swept his slouch-hat to his saddle-bow in +salutation. ``Aunt Susan'' immediately rose, bowed +in her turn and, for the moment as enthusiastic as a +girl, waved her handkerchief at him, while the big +audience, catching the spirit of the scene, wildly +applauded. It was a striking picture this meeting +of the pioneer man and woman; and, poor as I am, +I would give a hundred dollars for a snapshot of it. + +On many occasions I saw instances of Miss An- +thony's prescience--and one of these was connected +with the death of Frances E. Willard. ``Aunt +Susan'' had called on Miss Willard, and, coming to +me from the sick-room, had walked the floor, beating +her hands together as she talked of the visit. + +``Frances Willard is dying,'' she exclaimed, pas- +sionately. ``She is dying, and she doesn't know it, +and no one around her realizes it. She is lying there, +seeing into two worlds, and making more plans than +a thousand women could carry out in ten years. +Her brain is wonderful. She has the most extraor- +dinary clearness of vision. There should be a stenog- +rapher in that room, and every word she utters +should be taken down, for every word is golden. +But they don't understand. They can't realize that +she is going. I told Anna Gordon the truth, but she +won't believe it.'' + +Miss Willard died a few days later, with a sudden- +ness which seemed to be a terrible shock to those +around her. + +Of ``Aunt Susan's'' really remarkable lack of self- +consciousness we who worked close to her had a +thousand extraordinary examples. Once, I remem- +ber, at the New Orleans Convention, she reached +the hall a little late, and as she entered the great +audience already assembled gave her a tremendous +reception. The exercises of the day had not yet +begun, and Miss Anthony stopped short and looked +around for an explanation of the outburst. It never +for a moment occurred to her that the tribute was +to her. + +``What has happened, Anna?'' she asked at last. + +``You happened, Aunt Susan,'' I had to explain. + +Again, on the great ``College Night'' of the Balti- +more Convention, when President M. Carey Thomas +of Bryn Mawr College had finished her wonderful +tribute to Miss Anthony, the audience, carried away +by the speech and also by the presence of the vener- +able leader on the platform, broke into a whirlwind +of applause. In this ``Aunt Susan'' artlessly joined, +clapping her hands as hard as she could. ``This is +all for you, Aunt Susan,'' I whispered, ``so it isn't +your time to applaud.'' + +``Aunt Susan'' continued to clap. ``Nonsense,'' +she said, briskly. ``It's not for me. It's for the +Cause--the Cause!'' + +Miss Anthony told me in 1904 that she regarded +her reception in Berlin, during the meeting of the +International Council of Women that year, as the +climax of her career. She said it after the unex- +pected and wonderful ovation she had received from +the German people, and certainly throughout her +inspiring life nothing had happened that moved her +more deeply. + +For some time Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt, of +whose splendid work for the Cause I shall later have +more to say, had cherished the plan of forming an +International Suffrage Alliance. She believed the +time had come when the suffragists of the entire +world could meet to their common benefit; and Miss +Anthony, always Mrs. Catt's devoted friend and ad- +mirer, agreed with her. A committee was appointed +to meet in Berlin in 1904, just before the meeting +of the International Council of Women, and Miss +Anthony was appointed chairman of the committee. +At first the plan of the committee was not welcomed +by the International Council; there was even a sus- +picion that its purpose was to start a rival organiza- +tion. But it met, a constitution was framed, and +officers were elected, Mrs. Catt--the ideal choice +for the place--being made president. As a climax +to the organization, a great public mass-meeting had +been arranged by the German suffragists, but at the +special plea of the president of the International +Council Miss Anthony remained away from this +meeting. It was represented to her that the in- +terests of the Council might suffer if she and other +of its leading speakers were also leaders in the suf- +frage movement. In the interest of harmony, there +fore, she followed the wishes of the Council's presi- +dent--to my great unhappiness and to that of other +suffragists. + +When the meeting was opened the first words of +the presiding officer were, ``Where is Susan B. An- +thony?'' and the demonstration that followed the +question was the most unexpected and overwhelm- +ing incident of the gathering. The entire audience +rose, men jumped on their chairs, and the cheering +continued without a break for ten minutes. Every +second of that time I seemed to see Miss Anthony, +alone in her hotel room, longing with all her big +heart to be with us, as we longed to have her. I +prayed that the loss of a tribute which would have +meant so much might be made up to her, and it was. +Afterward, when we burst in upon her and told her +of the great demonstration the mere mention of her +name had caused, her lips quivered and her brave +old eyes filled with tears. As we looked at her I +think we all realized anew that what the world called +stoicism in Susan B. Anthony throughout the years +of her long struggle had been, instead, the splendid +courage of an indomitable soul--while all the time +the woman's heart had longed for affection and +recognition. The next morning the leading Berlin +newspaper, in reporting the debate and describing +the spontaneous tribute to Miss Anthony, closed +with these sentences: ``The Americans call her +`Aunt Susan.' She is our `Aunt Susan,' too!'' + +Throughout the remainder of Miss Anthony's +visit she was the most honored figure at the Inter- +national Council. Every time she entered the great +convention-hall the entire audience rose and re- +mained standing until she was seated; each mention +of her name was punctuated by cheers; and the en- +thusiasm when she appeared on the platform to say +a few words was beyond bounds. When the Em- +press of Germany gave her reception to the officers +of the Council, she crowned the hospitality of her +people in a characteristically gracious way. As soon +as Miss Anthony was presented to her the Empress +invited her to be seated, and to remain seated, al- +though every one else, including the august lady +herself, was standing. A little later, seeing the in- +trepid warrior of eighty-four on her feet with the +other delegates, the Empress sent one of her aides +across the room with this message: ``Please tell my +friend Miss Anthony that I especially wish her to +be seated. We must not let her grow weary.'' + +In her turn, Miss Anthony was fascinated by the +Empress. She could not keep her eyes off that +charming royal lady. Probably the thing that most +impressed her was the ability of her Majesty as a +linguist. Receiving women from every civilized +country on the globe, the Empress seemed to address +each in her own tongue-slipping from one language +into the next as easily as from one topic to another. + +``And here I am,'' mourned ``Aunt Susan,'' ``speak- +ing only one language, and that not very well.'' + +At this Berlin quinquennial, by the way, I preached +the Council sermon, and the occasion gained a cer- +tain interest from the fact that I was the first or- +dained woman to preach in a church in Germany. +It then took on a tinge of humor from the additional +fact that, according to the German law, as suddenly +revealed to us by the police, no clergyman was per- +mitted to preach unless clothed in clerical robes in +the pulpit. It happened that I had not taken my +clerical robes with me--I am constantly forgetting +those clerical robes!--so the pastor of the church +kindly offered me his robes. + +Now the pastor was six feet tall and broad in pro- +portion, and I, as I have already confessed, am very +short. His robes transformed me into such an absurd +caricature of a preacher that it was quite impossible +for me to wear them. What, then, were we to do? +Lacking clerical robes, the police would not allow +me to utter six words. It was finally decided that +the clergyman should meet the letter of the law by +entering the pulpit in his robes and standing by my +side while I delivered my sermon. The law soberly +accepted this solution of the problem, and we offered +the congregation the extraordinary tableau of a +pulpit combining a large and impressive pastor +standing silently beside a small and inwardly con- +vulsed woman who had all she could do to deliver +her sermon with the solemnity the occasion re- +quired. + +At this same conference I made one of the few +friendships I enjoy with a member of a European +royal family, for I met the Princess Blank of Italy, +who overwhelmed me with attention during my visit, +and from whom I still receive charming letters. She +invited me to visit her in her castle in Italy, and to +accompany her to her mother's castle in Austria, +and she finally insisted on knowing exactly why I +persistently refused both invitations. + +``Because, my dear Princess,'' I explained, ``I am +a working-woman.'' + +``Nobody need KNOW that,'' murmured the Princess, +calmly. + +``On the contrary,'' I assured her, ``it is the first +thing I should explain.'' + +``But why?'' the Princess wanted to know. + +I studied her in silence for a moment. She was a +new and interesting type to me, and I was glad to +exchange viewpoints with her. + +``You are proud of your family, are you not?'' I +asked. ``You are proud of your great line?'' + +The Princess drew herself up. ``Assuredly,'' she +said. + +``Very well,'' I continued. ``I am proud, too. +What I have done I have done unaided, and, to be +frank with you, I rather approve of it. My work +is my patent of nobility, and I am not willing to +associate with those from whom it would have to be +concealed or with those who would look down upon +it.'' + +The Princess sighed. I was a new type to her, +too, as new as she was to me; but I had the ad- +vantage of her, for I could understand her point of +view, whereas she apparently could not follow mine. +She was very gracious to me, however, showing me +kindness and friendship in a dozen ways, giving me +an immense amount of her time and taking rather +more of my time than I could spare, but never for- +getting for a moment that her blood was among the +oldest in Europe, and that all her traditions were in +keeping with its honorable age. + +After the Berlin meeting Miss Anthony and I +were invited to spend a week-end at the home of +Mrs. Jacob Bright, that ``Aunt Susan'' might re- +new her acquaintance with Annie Besant. This +visit is among my most vivid memories. Originally +``Aunt Susan'' had greatly admired Mrs. Besant, +and had openly lamented the latter's concentration +on theosophical interests--when, as Miss Anthony +put it, ``there are so many live problems here in this +world.'' Now she could not conceal her disapproval +of the ``other-worldliness'' of Mrs. Besant, Mrs. +Bright, and her daughter. Some remarkable and, +to me, most amusing discussions took place among +the three; but often, during Mrs. Besant's most sus- +tained oratorical flights, Miss Anthony's interest +would wander, and she would drop a remark that +showed she had not heard a word. She had a great +admiration for Mrs. Besant's intellect; but she dis- +approved of her flowing and picturesque white robes, +of her bare feet, of her incessant cigarette-smoking; +above all, of her views. At last, one day.{sic} the climax +of the discussions came. + +``Annie,'' demanded ``Aunt Susan,'' ``why don't +you make that aura of yours do its gallivanting in +this world, looking up the needs of the oppressed, +and investigating the causes of present wrongs? +Then you could reveal to us workers just what we +should do to put things right, and we could be +about it.'' + +Mrs. Besant sighed and said that life was short +and aeons were long, and that while every one would +be perfected some time, it was useless to deal with +individuals here. + +``But, Annie!'' exclaimed Miss Anthony, patheti- +cally. ``We ARE here! Our business is here! It's +our duty to do what we can here.'' + +Mrs. Besant seemed not to hear her. She was in +a trance, gazing into the aeons. + +``I'd rather have one year of your ability, backed +up with common sense, for the work of making this +world better,'' cried the exasperated ``Aunt Susan,'' +``than a million aeons in the hereafter!'' + +Mrs. Besant sighed again. It was plain that she +could not bring herself back from the other world, +so Miss Anthony, perforce, accompanied her to it. + +``When your aura goes visiting in the other +world,'' she asked, curiously, ``does it ever meet +your old friend Charles Bradlaugh?'' + +``Oh yes,'' declared Mrs. Besant. ``Frequently.'' + +``Wasn't he very much surprised,'' demanded Miss +Anthony, with growing interest, ``to discover that he +was not dead?'' + +Mrs. Besant did not seem to know what emotion +Mr. Bradlaugh had experienced when that revela- +tion came. + +``Well,'' mused ``Aunt Susan,'' ``I should think +he would have been surprised. He was so certain +he was going to be dead that it must have been +astounding to discover he wasn't. What was he +doing in the other world?'' + +Mrs. Besant heaved a deeper sigh. ``I am very +much discouraged over Mr. Bradlaugh,'' she ad- +mitted, wanly. `` He is hovering too near this +world. He cannot seem to get away from his mun- +dane interests. He is as much concerned with par- +liamentary affairs now as when he was on this +plane.'' + +``Humph!'' said Miss Anthony; ``that's the most +sensible thing I've heard yet about the other world. +It encourages me. I've always felt sure that if I +entered the other life before women were enfran- +chised nothing in the glories of heaven would in- +terest me so much as the work for women's freedom +on earth. Now,'' she ended, ``I shall be like Mr. +Bradlaugh. I shall hover round and continue my +work here.'' + +When Mrs. Besant had left the room Mrs. Bright +felt that it was her duty to admonish ``Aunt Susan'' +to be more careful in what she said. + +``You are making too light of her creed,'' she ex- +postulated. ``You do not realize the important +position Mrs. Besant holds. Why, in India, when +she walks from her home to her school all those she +meets prostrate themselves. Even the learned men +prostrate themselves and put their faces on the +ground as she goes by.'' + +``Aunt Susan's'' voice, when she replied, took on +the tones of one who is sorely tried. ``But why in +Heaven's name does any sensible Englishwoman +want a lot of heathen to prostrate themselves as she +goes up the street?'' she demanded, wearily. ``It's +the most foolish thing I ever heard.'' + +The effort to win Miss Anthony over to the theo- +sophical doctrine was abandoned. That night, after +we had gone to our rooms, ``Aunt Susan'' summed up +her conclusions on the interview: + +``It's a good thing for the world,'' she declared, +``that some of us don't know so much. And it's a +better thing for this world that some of us think a +little earthly common sense is more valuable than +too much heavenly knowledge.'' + + + +X + +THE PASSING OF ``AUNT SUSAN'' + + +On one occasion Miss Anthony had the doubt- +ful pleasure of reading her own obituary notices, +and her interest in them was characteristically naive. +She had made a speech at Lakeside, Ohio, during +which, for the first time in her long experience, she +fainted on the platform. I was not with her at the +time, and in the excitement following her collapse +it was rumored that she had died. Immediately +the news was telegraphed to the Associated Press +of New York, and from there flashed over the +country. At Miss Anthony's home in Rochester a +reporter rang the bell and abruptly informed her +sister, Miss Mary Anthony, who came to the door, +that ``Aunt Susan'' was dead. Fortunately Miss +Mary had a cool head. + +``I think,'' she said, ``that if my sister had died +I would have heard about it. Please have your +editors telegraph to Lakeside.'' + +The reporter departed, but came back an hour +later to say that his newspaper had sent the tele- +gram and the reply was that Susan B. Anthony was +dead. + +``I have just received a better telegram than that,'' +remarked Mary Anthony. `` Mine is from my +sister; she tells me that she fainted to-night, but +soon recovered and will be home to-morrow.'' + +Nevertheless, the next morning the American +newspapers gave much space to Miss Anthony's +obituary notices, and ``Aunt Susan'' spent some in- +teresting hours reading them. One that pleased her +vastly was printed in the Wichita Eagle, whose editor, +Mr. Murdock, had been almost her bitterest op- +ponent. He had often exhausted his brilliant vo- +cabulary in editorial denunciations of suffrage and +suffragists, and Miss Anthony had been the special +target of his scorn. But the news of her death seemed +to be a bitter blow to him; and of all the tributes +the American press gave to Susan B. Anthony dead, +few equaled in beauty and appreciation the one +penned by Mr. Murdock and published in the Eagle. +He must have been amused when, a few days later, +he received a letter from ``Aunt Susan'' herself, +thanking him warmly for his changed opinion of her +and hoping that it meant the conversion of his soul +to our Cause. It did not, and Mr. Murdock, though +never again quite as bitter as he had been, soon +resumed the free editorial expression of his anti- +suffrage sentiments. Times have changed, however, +and to-day his son, now a member of Congress, is +one of our strongest supporters in that body. + +In 1905 it became plain that Miss Anthony's +health was failing. Her visits to Germany and +England the previous year, triumphant though they +had been, had also proved a drain on her vitality; +and soon after her return to America she entered +upon a task which helped to exhaust her remaining +strength. She had been deeply interested in se- +curing a fund of $50,000 to enable women to enter +Rochester University, and, one morning, just after +we had held a session of our executive committee +in her Rochester home, she read a newspaper an- +nouncement to the effect that at four o'clock that +afternoon the opportunity to admit women to the +university would expire, as the full fifty thousand +dollars had not been raised. The sum of eight +thousand dollars was still lacking. + +With characteristic energy, Miss Anthony under- +took to save the situation by raising this amount +within the time limit. Rushing to the telephone, +she called a cab and prepared to go forth on her +difficult quest; but first, while she was putting on +her hat and coat, she insisted that her sister, Mary +Anthony, should start the fund by contributing one +thousand dollars from her meager savings, and this +Miss Mary did. ``Aunt Susan'' made every second +count that day, and by half after three o'clock she +had secured the necessary pledges. Several of the +trustees of the university, however, had not seemed +especially anxious to have the fund raised, and at +the last moment they objected to one pledge for a +thousand dollars, on the ground that the man who +had given it was very old and might die before the +time set to pay it; then his family, they feared, +might repudiate the obligation. Without a word +Miss Anthony seized the pledge and wrote her name +across it as an indorsement. ``I am good for it,'' +she then said, quietly, ``if the gentleman who signed +it is not.'' + +That afternoon she returned home greatly fa- +tigued. A few hours later the girl students who +had been waiting admission to the university came +to serenade her in recognition of her successful work +for them, but she was too ill to see them. She was +passing through the first stage of what proved to +be her final breakdown. + +In 1906, when the date of the annual convention of +the National American Woman Suffrage Association +in Baltimore was drawing near, she became convinced +that it would be her last convention. She was right. +She showed a passionate eagerness to make it one +of the greatest conventions ever held in the history +of the movement; and we, who loved her and saw +that the flame of her life was burning low, also bent +all our energies to the task of realizing her hopes. +In November preceding the convention she visited me +and her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, in our home in +Mount Airy, Philadelphia, and it was clear that her +anxiety over the convention was weighing heavily +upon her. She visibly lost strength from day to +day. One morning she said abruptly, ``Anna, let's +go and call on President M. Carey Thomas, of +Bryn Mawr.'' + +I wrote a note to Miss Thomas, telling her of Miss +Anthony's desire to see her, and received an im- +mediate reply inviting us to luncheon the following +day. We found Miss Thomas deep in the work +connected with her new college buildings, over which +she showed us with much pride. Miss Anthony, of +course, gloried in the splendid results Miss Thomas +had achieved, but she was, for her, strangely silent +and preoccupied. At luncheon she said: + +``Miss Thomas, your buildings are beautiful; +your new library is a marvel; but they are not the +cause of our presence here.'' + +``No,'' Miss Thomas said; ``I know you have +something on your mind. I am waiting for you to +tell me what it is.'' + +``We want your co-operation, and that of Miss +Garrett,'' began Miss Anthony, promptly, ``to make +our Baltimore Convention a success. We want you +to persuade the Arundel Club of Baltimore, the +most fashionable club in the city, to give a recep- +tion to the delegates; and we want you to arrange +a college night on the programme--a great college +night, with the best college speakers ever brought +together.'' + +These were large commissions for two extremely +busy women, but both Miss Thomas and Miss +Garrett--realizing Miss Anthony's intense earnest- +ness--promised to think over the suggestions and +see what they could do. The next morning we re- +ceived a telegram from them stating that Miss +Thomas would arrange the college evening, and that +Miss Garrett would reopen her Baltimore home, +which she had closed, during the convention. She +also invited Miss Anthony and me to be her guests +there, and added that she would try to arrange the +reception by the Arundel Club. + +``Aunt Susan'' was overjoyed. I have never seen +her happier than she was over the receipt of that +telegram. She knew that whatever Miss Thomas +and Miss Garrett undertook would be accomplished, +and she rightly regarded the success of the conven- +tion as already assured. Her expectations were +more than realized. The college evening was un- +doubtedly the most brilliant occasion of its kind +ever arranged for a convention. President Ira +Remsen of Johns Hopkins University presided, and +addresses were made by President Mary E. Woolley +of Mount Holyoke, Professor Lucy Salmon of Vassar, +Professor Mary Jordan of Smith, President Thomas +herself, and many others. + +From beginning to end the convention was prob- +ably the most notable yet held in our history. +Julia Ward Howe and her daughter, Florence Howe +Hall, were also guests of Miss Garrett, who, more- +over, entertained all the speakers of ``College Night.'' +Miss Anthony, now eighty-six, arrived in Baltimore +quite ill, and Mrs. Howe, who was ninety, was taken +ill soon after she reached there. The two great +women made a dramatic exchange on the programme, +for on the first night, when Miss Anthony was un- +able to speak, Mrs. Howe took her place, and on the +second night, when Mrs. Howe had succumbed, +Miss Anthony had recovered sufficiently to appear +for her. Clara Barton was also an honored figure +at the convention, and Miss Anthony's joy in the +presence of all these old and dear friends was over- +flowing. With them, too, were the younger women, +ready to take up and carry on the work the old +leaders were laying down; and ``Aunt Susan,'' as +she surveyed them all, felt like a general whose +superb army is passing in review before him. +At the close of the college programme, when the +final address had been made by Miss Thomas, Miss +Anthony rose and in a few words expressed her +feeling that her life-work was done, and her con- +sciousness of the near approach of the end. After +that night she was unable to appear, and was indeed +so ill that she was confined to her bed in Miss Gar- +rett's most hospitable home. Nothing could have +been more thoughtful or more beautiful than the +care Miss Garrett and Miss Thomas bestowed on her. +They engaged for her one of the best physicians in +Baltimore, who, in turn, consulted with the leading +specialists of Johns Hopkins, and they also secured +a trained nurse. This final attention required +special tact, for Miss Anthony's fear of ``giving +trouble'' was so great that she was not willing to +have a nurse. The nurse, therefore, wore a house- +maid's uniform, and ``Aunt Susan'' remained wholly +unconscious that she was being cared for by one of +the best nurses in the famous hospital. + +Between sessions of the convention I used to +sit by ``Aunt Susan's'' bed and tell her what was +going on. She was triumphant over the immense +success of the convention, but it was clear that +she was still worrying over the details of future +work. One day at luncheon Miss Thomas asked +me, casually: + +``By the way, how do you raise the money to +carry on your work?'' + +When I told her the work was wholly dependent +on voluntary contributions and on the services of +those who were willing to give themselves gratui- +tously to it, Miss Thomas was greatly surprised. +She and Miss Garrett asked a number of practical +questions, and at the end of our talk they looked at +each other. + +``I don't think,'' said Miss Thomas, ``that we have +quite done our duty in this matter.'' + +The next day they invited a number of us to +dinner, to again discuss the situation; and they +admitted that they had sat up throughout the +previous night, talking the matter over and trying +to find some way to help us. They had also dis- +cussed the situation with Miss Anthony, to her vast +content, and had finally decided that they would +try to raise a fund of $60,000, to be paid in yearly +instalments of $12,000 for five years--part of these +annual instalments to be used as salaries for the +active officers. +The mere mention of so large a fund startled us +all. We feared that it could not possibly be raised. +But Miss Anthony plainly believed that now the +last great wish of her life had been granted. She +was convinced that Miss Thomas and Miss Gar- +rett could accomplish anything--even the miracle +of raising $60,000 for the suffrage cause--and they +did, though ``Aunt Susan'' was not here to glory +over the result when they had achieved it. + +On the 15th of February we left Baltimore for +Washington, where Miss Anthony was to cele- +brate her eighty-sixth birthday. For many years +the National American Woman Suffrage Associa- +tion had celebrated our birthdays together, as hers +came on the 15th of the month and mine on the +14th. There had been an especially festive banquet +when she was seventy-four and I was forty-seven, +and our friends had decorated the table with floral +``4's'' and ``7's''--the centerpiece representing ``74'' +during the first half of the banquet, and ``47'' the +latter half. This time ``Aunt Susan'' should not +have attempted the Washington celebration, for she +was still ill and exhausted by the strain of the con- +vention. But notwithstanding her sufferings and +the warnings of her physicians, she insisted on being +present; so Miss Garrett sent the trained nurse to +Washington with her, and we all tried to make the jour- +ney the least possible strain on the patient's vitality. + +On our arrival in Washington we went to the +Shoreham, where, as always, the proprietor took pains +to give Miss Anthony a room with a view of the +Washington monument, which she greatly admired. +When I entered her room a little later I found her +standing at a window, holding herself up with hands +braced against the casement on either side, and so +absorbed in the view that she did not hear my ap- +proach. When I spoke to her she answered with- +out turning her head. + +``That,'' she said, softly, ``is the most beautiful +monument in the world.'' + +I stood by her side, and together we looked at it +in silence I realizing with a sick heart that ``Aunt +Susan'' knew she was seeing it for the last time. + +The birthday celebration that followed our exec- +utive meeting was an impressive one. It was held +in the Church of Our Father, whose pastor, the Rev. +John Van Schaick, had always been exceedingly kind +to Miss Anthony. Many prominent men spoke. +President Roosevelt and other statesmen sent most +friendly letters, and William H. Taft had promised to +be present. He did not come, nor did he, then or +later, send any excuse for not coming--an omission +that greatly disappointed Miss Anthony, who had +always admired him. I presided at the meeting, +and though we all did our best to make it gay, a +strange hush hung over the assemblage a solemn +stillness, such as one feels in the presence of death. +We became more and more conscious that Miss +Anthony was suffering, and we hastened the exer- +cises all we could. When I read President Roose- +velt's long tribute to her, Miss Anthony rose to +comment on it. + +``One word from President Roosevelt in his mes- +sage to Congress,'' she said, a little wearily, ``would +be worth a thousand eulogies of Susan B. Anthony. +When will men learn that what we ask is not praise, +but justice?'' + +At the close of the meeting, realizing how weak +she was, I begged her to let me speak for her. But +she again rose, rested her hand on my shoulder, +and, standing by my side, uttered the last words +she ever spoke in public, pleading with women to +consecrate themselves to the Cause, assuring them +that no power could prevent its ultimate success, +but reminding them also that the time of its coming +would depend wholly on their work and their loyalty. +She ended with three words--very fitting words +from her lips, expressing as they did the spirit of her +life-work--``FAILURE IS IMPOSSIBLE.'' + +The next morning she was taken to her home in +Rochester, and one month from that day we con- +ducted her funeral services. The nurse who had +accompanied her from Baltimore remained with +her until two others had been secured to take her +place, and every care that love or medical science +could suggest was lavished on the patient. But +from the first it was plain that, as she herself had +foretold, ``Aunt Susan's'' soul was merely waiting +for the hour of its passing. + +One of her characteristic traits was a dislike to +being seen, even by those nearest to her, when she +was not well. During the first three weeks of her +last illness, therefore, I did what she wished me to +do--I continued our work, trying to do hers as well +as my own. But all the time my heart was in her +sick-room, and at last the day came when I could +no longer remain away from her. I had awakened +in the morning with a strong conviction that she +needed me, and at the breakfast-table I announced +to her niece, Miss Lucy Anthony, the friend who for +years has shared my home, that I was going at once +to ``Aunt Susan.'' + +``I shall not even wait to telegraph,'' I declared. +``I am sure she has sent for me; I shall take the +first train.'' + +The journey brought me very close to death. As +we were approaching Wilkes-Barre our train ran into +a wagon loaded with powder and dynamite, which +had been left on the track. The horses attached to +it had been unhitched by their driver, who had spent +his time in this effort, when he saw the train coming, +instead of in signaling to the engineer. I was on +my way to the dining-car when the collision occurred. +and, with every one else who happened to be stand- +ing, I was hurled to the floor by the impact; flash +after flash of blinding light outside, accompanied by +a terrific roar, added to the panic of the passengers. +When the train stopped we learned how narrow had +been our escape from an especially unpleasant form +of death. The dynamite in the wagon was frozen, +and therefore had not exploded; it was the ex- +plosion of the powder that had caused the flashes +and the din. The dark-green cars were burned +almost white, and as we stood staring at them, a +silent, stunned group, our conductor said, quietly, +``You will never be as near death again, and escape, +as you have been to-day.'' + +The accident caused a long delay, and it was ten +o'clock at night when I reached Rochester and Miss +Anthony's home. As I entered the house Miss +Mary Anthony rose in surprise to greet me. + +``How did you get here so soon?'' she cried. +And then: ``We sent for you this afternoon. Susan +has been asking for you all day.'' + +When I reached my friend's bedside one glance +at her face showed me the end was near; and from +that time until it came, almost a week later, I re- +mained with her; while again, as always, she talked +of the Cause, and of the life-work she must now lay +down. The first thing she spoke of was her will, +which she had made several years before, and in +which she had left the small property she possessed +to her sister Mary, her niece Lucy, and myself, with +instructions as to the use we three were to make of +it. Now she told me we were to pay no attention +to these instructions, but to give every dollar of her +money to the $60,000 fund Miss Thomas and Miss +Garrett were trying to raise. She was vitally in- +terested in this fund, as its success meant that for +five years the active officers of the National Ameri- +can Woman Suffrage Association, including myself +as president, would for the first time receive salaries +for our work. When she had given her instructions +on this point she still seemed depressed. + +``I wish I could live on,'' she said, wistfully. +``But I cannot. My spirit is eager and my heart +is as young as it ever was, but my poor old body is +worn out. Before I go I want you to give me a +promise: Promise me that you will keep the presi- +dency of the association as long as you are well +enough to do the work.'' + +``But how can I promise that?'' I asked. ``I can +keep it only as long as others wish me to keep +it.'' + +``Promise to make them wish you to keep it,'' +she urged. ``Just as I wish you to keep it.'' + +I would have promised her anything then. So, +though I knew that to hold the presidency would tie +me to a position that brought in no living income, +and though for several years past I had already +drawn alarmingly upon my small financial reserve, +I promised her that I would hold the office as long +as the majority of the women in the association +wished me to do so. ``But,'' I added, ``if the time +comes when I believe that some one else can do +better work in the presidency than I, then let me +feel at liberty to resign it.'' + +This did not satisfy her. + +``No, no,'' she objected. ``You cannot be the +judge of that. Promise me you will remain until +the friends you most trust tell you it is time to with- +draw, or make you understand that it is time. +Promise me that.'' + +I made the promise. She seemed content, and +again began to talk of the future. + +``You will not have an easy path,'' she warned +me. ``In some ways it will be harder for you than it +has ever been for me. I was so much older than the +rest of you, and I had been president so long, that +you girls have all been willing to listen to me. It +will be different with you. Other women of your +own age have been in the work almost as long as you +have been; you do not stand out from them by age +or length of service, as I did. There will be inevi- +table jealousies and misunderstandings; there will +be all sorts of criticism and misrepresentation. My +last word to you is this: No matter what is done +or is not done, how you are criticized or misunder- +stood, or what efforts are made to block your path, +remember that the only fear you need have is the +fear of not standing by the thing you believe to be +right. Take your stand and hold it; then let come +what will, and receive blows like a good soldier.'' + +I was too much overcome to answer her; and +after a moment of silence she, in her turn, made me +a promise. + +``I do not know anything about what comes to us +after this life ends,'' she said. ``But if there is a +continuance of life beyond it, and if I have any +conscious knowledge of this world and of what you +are doing, I shall not be far away from you; and in +times of need I will help you all I can. Who knows? +Perhaps I may be able to do more for the Cause +after I am gone than while I am here.'' + +Nine years have passed since then, and in each +day of them all it seems to me, in looking back, I +have had some occasion to recall her words. When +they were uttered I did not fully comprehend all +they meant, or the clearness of the vision that had +suggested them. It seemed to me that no position +I could hold would be of sufficient importance to +attract jealousy or personal attacks. The years have +brought more wisdom; I have learned that any one +who assumes leadership, or who, like myself, has +had leadership forced upon her, must expect to bear +many things of which the world knows nothing. +But with this knowledge, too, has come the memory +of ``Aunt Susan's'' last promise, and again and yet +again in hours of discouragement and despair I have +been helped by the blessed conviction that she was +keeping it. + +During the last forty-eight hours of her life she +was unwilling that I should leave her side. So day +and night I knelt by her bed, holding her hand and +watching the flame of her wonderful spirit grow dim. +At times, even then, it blazed up with startling sud- +denness. On the last afternoon of her life, when she +had lain quiet for hours, she suddenly began to utter +the names of the women who had worked with her, +as if in a final roll-call. Many of them had preceded +her into the next world; others were still splendidly +active in the work she was laying down. But young +or old, living or dead, they all seemed to file past +her dying eyes that day in an endless, shadowy re- +view, and as they went by she spoke to each of them. + +Not all the names she mentioned were known in +suffrage ranks; some of these women lived only in +the heart of Susan B. Anthony, and now, for the +last time, she was thanking them for what they had +done. Here was one who, at a moment of special +need, had given her small savings; here was another +who had won valuable recruits to the Cause; this +one had written a strong editorial; that one had +made a stirring speech. In these final hours it +seemed that not a single sacrifice or service, however +small, had been forgotten by the dying leader. Last +of all, she spoke to the women who had been on her +board and had stood by her loyally so long--Rachel +Foster Avery, Alice Stone Blackwell, Carrie Chap- +man Catt, Mrs. Upton, Laura Clay, and others. +Then, after lying in silence for a long time with her +cheek on my hand, she murmured: ``They are still +passing before me--face after face, hundreds and +hundreds of them, representing all the efforts of +fifty years. I know how hard they have worked +I know the sacrifices they have made. But it has +all been worth while!'' + +Just before she lapsed into unconsciousness she +seemed restless and anxious to say something, search- +ing my face with her dimming eyes. + +``Do you want me to repeat my promise?'' I +asked, for she had already made me do so several +times. She made a sign of assent, and I gave her +the assurance she desired. As I did so she raised +my hand to her lips and kissed it--her last conscious +action. For more than thirty hours after that I +knelt by her side, but though she clung to my hand +until her own hand grew cold, she did not speak +again. + +She had told me over and over how much our long +friendship and association had meant to her, and the +comfort I had given her. But whatever I may have +been to her, it was as nothing compared with what +she was to me. Kneeling close to her as she passed +away, I knew that I would have given her a dozen +lives had I had them, and endured a thousand times +more hardship than we had borne together, for the +inspiration of her companionship and the joy of her +affection. They were the greatest blessings I have +had in all my life, and I cherish as my dearest treas- +ure the volume of her History of Woman Suffrage +on the fly-leaf of which she had written this in- +scription: + +REVEREND ANNA HOWARD SHAW: + +This huge volume IV I present to you with the love that +a mother beareth, and I hope you will find in it the facts about +women, for you will find them nowhere else. Your part will +be to see that the four volumes are duly placed in the libraries +of the country, where every student of history may have access +to them. + + With unbounded love and faith, + SUSAN B. ANTHONY. + + +That final line is still my greatest comfort. When +I am misrepresented or misunderstood, when I am +accused of personal ambition or of working for per- +sonal ends, I turn to it and to similar lines penned +by the same hand, and tell myself that I should not +allow anything to interfere with the serenity of my +spirit or to disturb me in my work. At the end of +eighteen years of the most intimate companionship, +the leader of our Cause, the greatest woman I have +ever known, still felt for me ``unbounded love and +faith.'' Having had that, I have had enough. + +For two days after ``Aunt Susan's'' death she lay +in her own home, as if in restful slumber, her face +wearing its most exquisite look of peaceful serenity; +and here her special friends, the poor and the unfor- +tunate of the city, came by hundreds to pay their +last respects. On the third day there was a public +funeral, held in the Congregational church, and, +though a wild blizzard was raging, every one in +Rochester seemed included in the great throng of +mourners who came to her bier in reverence and +left it in tears. The church services were conducted +by the pastor, the Rev. C. C. Albertson, a lifelong +friend of Miss Anthony's, assisted by the Rev. Will- +iam C. Gannett. James G. Potter, the Mayor of +the city, and Dr. Rush Rhees, president of Rochester +University, occupied prominent places among the +distinguished mourners, and Mrs. Jerome Jeffries, +the head of a colored school, spoke in behalf of the +negro race and its recognition of Miss Anthony's +services. College clubs, medical societies, and re- +form groups were represented by delegates sent from +different states, and Miss Anna Gordon had come +on from Illinois to represent the Woman's National +Christian Temperance Union. Mrs. Catt delivered a +eulogy in which she expressed the love and recognition +of the organized suffrage women of the world for Miss +Anthony, as the one to whom they had all looked +as their leader. William Lloyd Garrison spoke of +Miss Anthony's work with his father and other anti- +slavery leaders, and Mrs. Jean Brooks Greenleaf +spoke in behalf of the New York State Suffrage +Association. Then, as ``Aunt Susan'' had requested, +I made the closing address. She had asked me to +do this and to pronounce the benediction, as well as +to say the final words at her grave. + +It was estimated that more than ten thousand +persons were assembled in and around the church, +and after the benediction those who had been pa- +tiently waiting out in the storm were permitted to +pass inside in single file for a last look at their +friend. They found the coffin covered by a large +American flag, on which lay a wreath of laurel and +palms; around it stood a guard of honor composed +of girl students of Rochester University in their +college caps and gowns. All day students had +mounted guard, relieving one another at intervals. +On every side there were flowers and floral emblems +sent by various organizations, and just over ``Aunt +Susan's'' head floated the silk flag given to her by +the women of Colorado. It contained four gold +stars, representing the four enfranchised states, +while the other stars were in silver. On her breast +was pinned the jeweled flag given to her on her +eightieth birthday by the women of Wyoming--the +first place in the world where in the constitution of +the state women were given equal political rights +with men. Here the four stars representing the +enfranchised states were made of diamonds, the +others of silver enamel. Just before the lid was +fastened on the coffin this flag was removed and +handed to Mary Anthony, who presented it to me. +From that day I have worn it on every occasion of +importance to our Cause, and each time a state is +won for woman suffrage I have added a new diamond +star. At the time I write this--in 1914--there are +twelve. + +As the funeral procession went through the streets +of Rochester it was seen that all the city flags were +at half-mast, by order of the City Council. Many +houses were draped in black, and the grief of the +citizens manifested itself on every side. All the way +to Mount Hope Cemetery the snow whirled blind- +ingly around us, while the masses that had fallen +covered the earth as far as we could see a fitting +winding-sheet for the one who had gone. Under the +fir-trees around her open grave I obeyed ``Aunt +Susan's'' wish that I should utter the last words +spoken over her body as she was laid to rest: + +``Dear friend,'' I said, ``thou hast tarried with us +long. Now thou hast gone to thy well-earned rest. +We beseech the Infinite Spirit Who has upheld thee +to make us worthy to follow in thy steps and to +carry on thy work. Hail and farewell.'' + + + +XI + +THE WIDENING SUFFRAGE STREAM + +In my chapters on Miss Anthony I bridged the +twenty years between 1886 and 1906, omitting +many of the stirring suffrage events of that long +period, in my desire to concentrate on those which +most vitally concerned her. I must now retrace my +steps along the widening suffrage stream and de- +scribe, consecutively at least, and as fully as these +incomplete reminiscences will permit, other inci- +dents that occurred on its banks. + +Of these the most important was the union in +1889 of the two great suffrage societies--the Ameri- +can Association, of which Lucy Stone was the presi- +dent, and the National Association, headed by Susan +B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. At a +convention held in Washington these societies were +merged as The National American Woman Suffrage +Association--the name our association still bears-- +and Mrs. Stanton was elected president. She was +then nearly eighty and past active work, but she +made a wonderful presiding officer at our subsequent +meetings, and she was as picturesque as she was +efficient. + +Miss Anthony, who had an immense admiration +for her and a great personal pride in her, always +escorted her to the capital, and, having worked her +utmost to make the meeting a success, invariably +gave Mrs. Stanton credit for all that was accom- +plished. She often said that Mrs. Stanton was the +brains of the new association, while she herself was +merely its hands and feet; but in truth the two +women worked marvelously together, for Mrs. +Stanton was a master of words and could write and +speak to perfection of the things Susan B. Anthony +saw and felt but could not herself express. Usually +Miss Anthony went to Mrs. Stanton's house and +took charge of it while she stimulated the venerable +president to the writing of her annual address. +Then, at the subsequent convention, she would listen +to the report with as much delight and pleasure as +if each word of it had been new to her. Even after +Mrs. Stanton's resignation from the presidency-- +at the end, I think, of three years--and Miss An- +thony's election as her successor, ``Aunt Susan'' still +went to her old friend whenever an important reso- +lution was to be written, and Mrs. Stanton loyally +drafted it for her. + +Mrs. Stanton was the most brilliant conversa- +tionalist I have ever known; and the best talk I +have heard anywhere was that to which I used to +listen in the home of Mrs. Eliza Wright Osborne, +in Auburn, New York, when Mrs. Stanton, Susan +B. Anthony, Emily Howland, Elizabeth Smith +Miller, Ida Husted Harper, Miss Mills, and I were +gathered there for our occasional week-end visits. +Mrs. Osborne inherited her suffrage sympathies, for +she was the daughter of Martha Wright, who, with +Mrs. Stanton and Lucretia Mott, called the first +suffrage convention in Seneca Falls, New York. I +must add in passing that her son, Thomas Mott +Osborne, who is doing such admirable work in +prison reform at Sing Sing, has shown himself worthy +of the gifted and high-minded mother who gave him +to the world. + +Most of the conversation in Mrs. Osborne's home +was contributed by Mrs. Stanton and Miss Anthony, +while the rest of us sat, as it were, at their feet. +Many human and feminine touches brightened the +lofty discussions that were constantly going on, and +the varied characteristics of our leaders cropped up +in amusing fashion. Mrs. Stanton, for example, was +rarely accurate in giving figures or dates, while Miss +Anthony was always very exact in such matters. +She frequently corrected Mrs. Stanton's statements, +and Mrs. Stanton usually took the interruption in +the best possible spirit, promptly admitting that +``Aunt Susan'' knew best. On one occasion I re- +call, however, she held fast to her opinion that she +was right as to the month in which a certain inci- +dent had occurred. + +``No, Susan,'' she insisted, ``you're wrong for +once. I remember perfectly when that happened, +for it was at the time I was beginning to wean +Harriet.'' + +Aunt Susan, though somewhat staggered by the +force of this testimony, still maintained that Mrs. +Stanton must be mistaken, whereupon the latter +repeated, in exasperation, ``I tell you it happened +when I was weaning Harriet.'' And she added, +scornfully, ``What event have you got to reckon +from?'' + +Miss Anthony meekly subsided. + +Mrs. Stanton had wonderful blue eyes, which +held to the end of her life an expression of eternal +youth. During our conventions she usually took +a little nap in the afternoon, and when she awoke +her blue eyes always had an expression of pleased +and innocent surprise, as if she were gazing on +the world for the first time--the round, unwinking, +interested look a baby's eyes have when something +attractive is held up before them. + +Let me give in a paragraph, before I swing off into +the bypaths that always allure me, the consecutive +suffrage events of the past quarter of a century. +Having done this, I can dwell on each as casually +as I choose, for it is possible to describe only a few +incidents here and there; and I shall not be depart- +ing from the story of my life, for my life had become +merged in the suffrage cause. + +Of the preliminary suffrage campaigns in Kansas, +made in company with ``Aunt Susan,'' I have al- +ready written, and it remains only to say that dur- +ing the second Kansas campaign yellow was adopted +as the suffrage color. In 1890, '92, and '93 we again +worked in Kansas and in South Dakota, with such +indefatigable and brilliant speakers as Mrs. Catt +(to whose efforts also were largely due the winning +of Colorado in '93), Mrs. Laura Johns of Kansas, +Mrs. Julia Nelson, Henry B. Blackwell, Dr. Helen +V. Putnam of Dakota, Mrs. Emma Smith DeVoe, +Rev. Olympia Browne of Wisconsin, and Dr. Mary +Seymour Howell of New York. In '94, '95, and '96 +special efforts were devoted to Idaho, Utah, Cali- +fornia, and Washington, and from then on our +campaigns were waged steadily in the Western +states. + +The Colorado victory gave us two full suffrage +states, for in 1869 the Territory of Wyoming had en- +franchised women under very interesting conditions, +not now generally remembered. The achievement +was due to the influence of one woman, Esther +Morris, a pioneer who was as good a neighbor as +she was a suffragist. In those early days, in homes +far from physicians and surgeons, the women cared +for one another in sickness, and Esther Morris, as it +happened, once took full and skilful charge of a +neighbor during the difficult birth of the latter's +child. She had done the same thing for many other +women, but this woman's husband was especially +grateful. He was also a member of the Legislature, +and he told Mrs. Morris that if there was any +measure she wished put through for the women of +the territory he would be glad to introduce it. +She immediately took him at his word by asking +him to introduce a bill enfranchising women, and +he promptly did so. + +The Legislature was Democratic, and it pounced +upon the measure as a huge joke. With the amiable +purpose of embarrassing the Governor of the ter- +ritory, who was a Republican and had been appointed +by the President, the members passed the bill and +put it up to him to veto. To their combined horror +and amazement, the young Governor did nothing +of the kind. He had come, as it happened, from +Salem, Ohio, one of the first towns in the United +States in which a suffrage convention was held. +There, as a boy, he had heard Susan B. Anthony +make a speech, and he had carried into the years +the impression it made upon him. He signed that +bill; and, as the Legislature could not get a two- +thirds vote to kill it, the disgusted members had to +make the best of the matter. The following year +a Democrat introduced a bill to repeal the measure, +but already public sentiment had changed and he +was laughed down. After that no further effort +was ever made to take the ballot away from the +women of Wyoming. + +When the territory applied for statehood, it was +feared that the woman-suffrage clause in the con- +stitution might injure its chance of admission, and +the women sent this telegram to Joseph M. Carey: + +``Drop us if you must. We can trust the men of +Wyoming to enfranchise us after our territory be- +comes a state.'' + +Mr. Carey discussed this telegram with the other +men who were urging upon Congress the admission +of their territory, and the following reply went +back: + +``We may stay out of the Union a hundred years, +but we will come in with our women.'' + +There is great inspiration in those two messages-- +and a great lesson, as well. + +In 1894 we conducted a campaign in New York, +when an effort was made to secure a clause to en- +franchise women in the new state constitution; and +for the first time in the history of the woman-suf- +frage movement many of the influential women in +the state and city of New York took an active part +in the work. Miss Anthony was, as always, our +leader and greatest inspiration. Mrs. John Brooks +Greenleaf was state president, and Miss Mary +Anthony was the most active worker in the Roches- +ter headquarters. Mrs. Lily Devereaux Blake had +charge of the campaign in New York City, and Mrs. +Marianna Chapman looked after the Brooklyn sec- +tion, while a most stimulating sign of the times +was the organization of a committee of New York +women of wealth and social influence, who estab- +lished their headquarters at Sherry's. Among these +were Mrs. Josephine Shaw Lowell, Mrs. Joseph H. +Choate, Dr. Mary Putnam Jacobi, Mrs. J. Warren +Goddard, and Mrs. Robert Abbe. Miss Anthony, +then in her seventy-fifth year, spoke in every county +of the state sixty in all. I spoke in forty, and Mrs. +Catt, as always, made a superb record. Miss Har- +riet May Mills, a graduate of Cornell, and Miss Mary +G. Hay, did admirable organization work in the dif- +ferent counties. Our disappointment over the re- +sult was greatly soothed by the fact that only two +years later both Idaho and Utah swung into line as +full suffrage states, though California, in which we +had labored with equal zeal, waited fifteen years +longer. + +Among these campaigns, and overlapping them, +were our annual conventions--each of which I at- +tended from 1888 on--and the national and inter- +national councils, to a number of which, also, I have +given preliminary mention. When Susan B. An- +thony died in 1906, four American states had granted +suffrage to woman. At the time I write--1914--the +result of the American women's work for suffrage +may be briefly tabulated thus: + +SUFFRAGE STATUS + +FULL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + + Number of +State Year Won Electoral Votes +Wyoming 1869 3 +Colorado 1893 6 +Idaho 1896 4 +Utah 1896 4 +Washington 1910 7 +California 1911 13 +Arizona 1912 3 +Kansas 1912 10 +Oregon 1912 5 +Alaska 1913 -- +Nevada 1914 3 +Montana 1914 4 + + +PRESIDENTIAL AND MUNICIPAL SUFFRAGE FOR WOMEN + Number of +State Year Won Electoral Votes + +Illinois 1913 29 + + +STATES WHERE AMENDMENT HAS PASSED ONE LEGISLATURE AND +MUST PASS ANOTHER + + Number + Goes to of Elec- +State House Senate Voters toral Votes +Iowa 81-26 31-15 1916 13 +Massachusetts 169-39 34-2 1915 18 +New Jersey 49-4 15-3 1915 14 +New York 125-5 40-2 1915 45 +North Dakota 77-29 31-19 1916 5 +Pennsylvania 131-70 26-22 1915 38 + + + +To tabulate the wonderful work done by the +conventions and councils is not possible, but a con- +secutive list of the meetings would run like this: + + +First National Convention, Washington, D.C., 1887. +First International Council of Women, Washington, D.C., 1888. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1889. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1890. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1891. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1892. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1893. +International Council, Chicago, 1893. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1894. +National Suffrage Convention, Atlanta, Ga., 1895. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1896. +National Suffrage Convention, Des Moines, Iowa, 1897. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1898. +National Suffrage Convention, Grand Rapids, Mich., 1899. +International Council, London, England, 1899. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1900. +National Suffrage Convention, Minneapolis, Minn., 1901. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1902. +National Suffrage Convention, New Orleans, La., 1903. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1904. +International Council of Women, Berlin, Germany, 1904. +Formation of Intern'l Suffrage Alliance, Berlin, Germany, 1904. +National Suffrage Convention, Portland, Oregon, 1905. +National Suffrage Convention, Baltimore, Md., 1906. +International Suffrage Alliance, Copenhagen, Denmark, 1906. +National Suffrage Convention, Chicago, III., 1907. +International Suffrage Alliance, Amsterdam, Holland, 1908. +National Suffrage Convention, Buffalo, N. Y., 1908. +New York Headquarters established, 1909. +National Suffrage Convention, Seattle, Wash., 1909. +International Suffrage Alliance, London, England, 1909. +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C., 1910. +International Council, Genoa, Italy, 1911. +National Suffrage Convention, Louisville, Ky., 1911. +International Suffrage Alliance, Stockholm, Sweden, 1911. +National Suffrage Convention, Philadelphia, Pa., 1912. +International Council, The Hague, Holland, 1913 +National Suffrage Convention, Washington, D.C.; 1913. +International Suffrage Alliance, Budapest, Hungary, 1913. +National Suffrage Convention, Nashville, Tenn., 1914. +International Council, Rome, Italy, 1914. + + +The winning of the suffrage states, the work in the +states not yet won, the conventions, gatherings, and +international councils in which women of every +nation have come together, have all combined to +make this quarter of a century the most brilliant +period for women in the history of the world. I +have set forth the record baldly and without com- +ment, because the bare facts are far more eloquent +than words. It must not be forgotten, too, that these +great achievements of the progressive women of +to-day have been accomplished against the opposi- +tion of a large number of their own sex--who, while +they are out in the world's arena fighting against +progress for their sisters, still shatter the ear-drum +with their incongruous war-cry, ``Woman's place +is in the home!'' + Of our South Dakota campaign in 1890 there re- +mains only one incident which should have a place +here: We were attending the Republican state +nominating convention at Mitchell--Miss Anthony, +Mrs. Catt, other leaders, and myself--having been +told that it would be at once the largest and the +most interesting gathering ever held in the state +as it proved to be. All the leading politicians of the +state were there, and in the wake of the white men +had come tribes of Indians with their camp outfits, +their wives and their children--the groups forming +a picturesque circle of tents and tepees around the +town. It was a great occasion for them, an Indian +powwow, for by the law all Indians who had lands +in severalty were to be permitted to vote the fol- +lowing year. They were present, therefore, to +study the ways of the white man, and an edifying +exhibition of these was promptly offered them. + +The crowd was so great that it was only through +the courtesy of Major Pickler, a member of Con- +gress and a devoted believer in suffrage, that Miss +Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and the rest of us were able to +secure passes to the convention, and when we +reached the hall we were escorted to the last row of +seats on the crowded platform. As the space be- +tween us and the speakers was filled by rows upon +rows of men, as well as by the band and their in- +struments, we could see very little that took place. +Some of our friends pointed out this condition to the +local committee and asked that we be given seats +on the floor, but received the reply that there was +``absolutely no room on the floor except for dele- +gates and distinguished visitors.'' Our persistent +friends then suggested that at least a front seat +should be given to Miss Anthony, who certainly +came under the head of a ``distinguished visitor''; +but this was not done--probably because a large +number of the best seats were filled by Russian la- +borers wearing badges inscribed ``Against Woman +Suffrage and Susan B. Anthony.'' We remained, +perforce, in our rear seats, finding such interest as +we could in the back view of hundreds of heads. + +Just before the convention was called to order it +was announced that a delegation of influential In- +dians was waiting outside, and a motion to invite +the red men into the hall was made and carried with +great enthusiasm. A committee of leading citizens +was appointed to act as escort, and these gentlemen +filed out, returning a few moments later with a +party of Indian warriors in full war regalia, even +to their gay blankets, their feathered head-dresses, +and their paint. When they appeared the band +struck up a stirring march of welcome, and the en- +tire audience cheered while the Indians, flanked by +the admiring committee, stalked solemnly down the +aisle and were given seats of honor directly in front +of the platform. + +All we could see of them were the brilliant feathers +of their war-bonnets, but we got the full effect of +their reception in the music and the cheers. I dared +not look at Miss Anthony during this remarkable +scene, and she, craning her venerable neck to get a +glimpse of the incident from her obscure corner, +made no comment to me; but I knew what she was +thinking. The following year these Indians would +have votes. Courtesy, therefore, must be shown +them. But the women did not matter, the politi- +cians reasoned, for even if they were enfranchised +they would never support the element represented +at that convention. It was not surprising that, +notwithstanding our hard work, we did not win +the state, though all the conditions had seemed +most favorable; for the state was new, the men +and women were working side by side in the fields, +and there was discontent in the ranks of the political +parties. + +After the election, when we analyzed the vote +county by county, we discovered that in every county +whose residents were principally Americans the +amendment was carried, whereas in all counties +populated largely by foreigners it was lost. In cer- +tain counties--those inhabited by Russian Jews-- +the vote was almost solidly against us, and this not- +withstanding the fact that the wives of these Rus- +sian voters were doing a man's work on their farms +in addition to the usual women's work in their +homes. The fact that our Cause could be defeated +by ignorant laborers newly come to our country was +a humiliating one to accept; and we realized more +forcibly than ever before the difficulty of the task +we had assumed--a task far beyond any ever under- +taken by a body of men in the history of democratic +government throughout the world. We not only +had to bring American men back to a belief in the +fundamental principles of republican government, +but we had also to educate ignorant immigrants, +as well as our own Indians, whose degree of civiliza- +tion was indicated by their war-paint and the +flaunting feathers of their head-dresses. + +The Kansas campaign, which Miss Anthony, Mrs. +Catt, Mrs. Johns, and I conducted in 1894, held a +special interest, due to the Populist movement. +There were so many problems before the people-- +prohibition, free silver, and the Populist propaganda +--that we found ourselves involved in the bitterest +campaign ever fought out in the state. Our desire, +of course, was to get the indorsement of the differ- +ent political parties and religious bodies, We suc- +ceeded in obtaining that of three out of four of the +Methodist Episcopal conferences--the Congrega- +tional, the Epworth League, and the Christian En- +deavor League--as well as that of the State Teachers' +Association, the Woman's Christian Temperance +Union, and various other religious and philanthropic +societies. To obtain the indorsement of the polit- +ical parties was much more difficult, and we were +facing conditions in which partial success was worse +than complete failure. It had long been an un- +written law before it became a written law in our +National Association that we must not take partisan +action or line up with any one political party. It +was highly important, therefore, that either all +parties should support us or that none should. + +The Populist convention was held in Topeka be- +fore either the Democratic or Republican convention, +and after two days of vigorous fighting, led by Mrs. +Anna Diggs and other prominent Populist women, +a suffrage plank was added to the platform. The +Populist party invited me, as a minister, to open +the convention with prayer. This was an innova- +tion, and served as a wedge for the admission of +women representatives of the Suffrage Association +to address the convention. We all did so, Miss +Anthony speaking first, Mrs. Catt second, and I +last; after which, for the first time in history, the +Doxology was sung at a political convention. + +At the Democratic convention we made the same +appeal, and were refused. Instead of indorsing us, +the Democrats put an anti-suffrage plank in their +platform--but this, as the party had little standing +in Kansas, probably did us more good than harm. +Trouble came thick and fast, however, when the +Republicans, the dominant party in the state, held +their convention; and a mighty struggle began over +the admission of a suffrage plank. There was a +Woman's Republican Club in Kansas, which held +its convention in Topeka at the same time the +Republicans were holding theirs. There was also +a Mrs. Judith Ellen Foster, who, by stirring up op- +position in this Republican Club against the in- +sertion of a suffrage plank, caused a serious split in +the convention. Miss Anthony, Mrs. Catt, and I, +of course, urged the Republican women to stand by +their sex, and to give their support to the Republi- +cans only on condition that the latter added suffrage +to their platform. At no time, and in no field of +work, have I ever seen a more bitter conflict in prog- +ress than that which raged for two days during this +Republican women's convention. Liquor-dealers, +joint-keepers, ``boot-leggers,'' and all the lawless +element of Kansas swung into line at a special con- +vention held under the auspices of the Liquor +League of Kansas City, and cast their united weight +against suffrage by threatening to deny their votes +to any candidate or political party favoring our +Cause. The Republican women's convention finally +adjourned with nothing accomplished except the +passing of a resolution mildly requesting the Re- +publican party to indorse woman suffrage. The +result was, of course, that it was not indorsed by +the Republican convention, and that it was defeated +at the following election. + +It was at the time of these campaigns that I was +elected Vice-President of the National Association +and Lecturer at Large, and the latter office brought +in its train a glittering variety of experiences. On +one occasion an episode occurred which ``Aunt +Susan'' never afterward wearied of describing. +There was a wreck somewhere on the road on which +I was to travel to meet a lecture engagement, and +the trains going my way were not running. Look- +ing up the track, however, I saw a train coming +from the opposite direction. I at once grasped my +hand-luggage and started for it. + +``Wait! Wait!'' cried Miss Anthony. ``That +train's going the wrong way!'' + +``At least it's going SOMEWHERE!'' I replied, tersely, +as the train stopped, and I climbed the steps. + +Looking back when the train had started again, +I saw ``Aunt Susan'' standing in the same spot on +the platform and staring after it with incredulous +eyes; but I was right, for I discovered that by going +up into another state I could get a train which +would take me to my destination in time for the +lecture that night. It was a fine illustration of my +pet theory that if one intends to get somewhere it +is better to start, even in the wrong direction, than +to stand still. + +Again and again in our work we had occasion to +marvel over men's lack of understanding of the +views of women, even of those nearest and dearest to +them; and we had an especially striking illustra- +tion of this at one of our hearings in Washington. +A certain distinguished gentleman (we will call him +Mr. H----) was chairman of the Judiciary, and after +we had said what we wished to say, he remarked: + +``Your arguments are logical. Your cause is just. +The trouble is that women don't want suffrage. +My wife doesn't want it. I don't know a single +woman who does want it.'' + +As it happened for this unfortunate gentleman, +his wife was present at the hearing and sitting beside +Miss Anthony. She listened to his words with sur- +prise, and then whispered to ``Aunt Susan'': + +``How CAN he say that? _I_ want suffrage, and I've +told him so a hundred times in the last twenty +years.'' + +``Tell him again NOW,'' urged Miss Anthony. +``Here's your chance to impress it on his memory.'' + +``Here!'' gasped the wife. ``Oh, I wouldn't +dare.'' + +``Then may I tell him?'' + +``Why--yes! He can think what he pleases, but +he has no right to publicly misrepresent me.'' + +The assent, hesitatingly begun, finished on a sud- +den note of firmness. Miss Anthony stood up. + +``It may interest Mr. H----,'' she said, ``to know +that his wife DOES wish to vote, and that for twenty +years she has wished to vote, and has often told him +so, though he has evidently forgotten it. She is +here beside me, and has just made this explana- +tion.'' + +Mr. H---- stammered and hesitated, and finally +decided to laugh. But there was no mirth in the +sound he made, and I am afraid his wife had a bad +quarter of an hour when they met a little later in +the privacy of their home. + +Among other duties that fell to my lot at this +period were numerous suffrage debates with promi- +nent opponents of the Cause. I have already re- +ferred to the debate in Kansas with Senator Ingalls. +Equaling this in importance was a bout with Dr. +Buckley, the distinguished Methodist debater, which +had been arranged for us at Chautauqua by Bishop +Vincent of the Methodist Church. The bishop was +not a believer in suffrage, nor was he one of my +admirers. I had once aroused his ire by replying +to a sermon he had delivered on ``God's Women,'' +and by proving, to my own satisfaction at least, +that the women he thought were God's women had +done very little, whereas the work of the world had +been done by those he believed were not ``God's +Women.'' There was considerable interest, there- +fore, in the Buckley-Shaw debate he had arranged; +we all knew he expected Dr. Buckley to wipe out +that old score, and I was determined to make it as +difficult as possible for the distinguished gentleman +to do so. We held the debate on two succeeding +days, I speaking one afternoon and Dr. Buckley +replying the following day. On the evening before +I spoke, however, Dr. Buckley made an indiscreet +remark, which, blown about Chautauqua on the +light breeze of gossip, was generally regarded as both +unchivalrous and unfair. + +As the hall in which we were to speak was enor- +mous, he declared that one of two things would cer- +tainly happen. Either I would scream in order to +be heard by my great audience, or I would be un- +able to make myself heard at all. If I screamed it +would be a powerful argument against women as +public speakers; if I could not be heard, it would be +an even better argument. In either case, he sum- +med up, I was doomed to failure. Following out +this theory, he posted men in the extreme rear of +the great hall on the day of my lecture, to report to +him whether my words reached them, while he him- +self graciously occupied a front seat. Bishop Vin- +cent's antagonistic feeling was so strong, however, +that though, as the presiding officer of the occasion, +he introduced me to the audience, he did not wait +to hear my speech, but immediately left the hall-- +and this little slight added to the public's interest +in the debate. It was felt that the two gentlemen +were not quite ``playing fair,'' and the champions +of the Cause were especially enthusiastic in their +efforts to make up for these failures in courtesy. +My friends turned out in force to hear the lecture, +and on the breast of every one of them flamed the +yellow bow that stood for suffrage, giving to the +vast hall something of the effect of a field of yellow +tulips in full bloom. + +When Dr. Buckley rose to reply the next day +these friends were again awaiting him with an equal- +ly jocund display of the suffrage color, and this did +not add to his serenity. During his remarks he +made the serious mistake of losing his temper; and, +unfortunately for him, he directed his wrath toward +a very old man who had thoughtlessly applauded by +pounding on the floor with his cane when Dr. +Buckley quoted a point I had made. The doctor +leaned forward and shook his fist at him. + +``Think she's right, do you?'' he asked. + +``Yes,'' admitted the venerable citizen, briskly, +though a little startled by the manner of the ques- +tion. + +``Old man,'' shouted Dr. Buckley, ``I'll make you +take that back if you've got a grain of sense in your +head!'' + +The insult cost him his audience. When he +realized this he lost all his self-possession, and, as +the Buffalo Courier put it the next day, ``went up +and down the platform raving like a Billingsgate +fishwife.'' He lost the debate, and the supply of +yellow ribbon left in the surrounding counties was +purchased that night to be used in the suffrage +celebration that followed. My friends still refer to +the occasion as ``the day we wiped up the earth +with Dr. Buckley''; but I do not deserve the im- +plied tribute, for Dr. Buckley would have lost his +case without a word from me. What really gave +me some satisfaction, however, was the respective +degree of freshness with which he and I emerged +from our combat. After my speech Miss Anthony +and I were given a reception, and stood for hours +shaking hands with hundreds of men and women. +Later in the evening we had a dinner and another +reception, which, lasting, as they did, until midnight, +kept us from our repose. Dr. Buckley, poor gentle- +man, had to be taken to his hotel immediately after +his speech, given a hot bath, rubbed down, and put +tenderly to bed; and not even the sympathetic +heart of Susan B. Anthony yearned over him when +she heard of his exhaustion. + +It was also at Chautauqua, by the way, though a +number of years earlier, that I had my much mis- +quoted encounter with the minister who deplored +the fashion I followed in those days of wearing my +hair short. This young man, who was rather a +pompous person, saw fit to take me to task at a +table where a number of us were dining together. + +``Miss Shaw,'' he said, abruptly, ``I have been +asked very often why you wear your hair short, +and I have not been able to explain. Of course''-- +this kindly--'' I know there is some good reason. I +ventured to advance the theory that you have been +ill and that your hair has fallen out. Is that it?'' + +``No,'' I told him. ``There is a reason, as you +suggest. But it is not that one.'' + +``Then why--'' he insisted. + +``I am rather sensitive about it,'' I explained. +``I don't know that I care to discuss the subject.'' + +The young minister looked pained. ``But among +friends--'' he protested. + +``True,'' I conceded. ``Well, then, among friends, +I will admit frankly that it is a birthmark. I was +born with short hair.'' + +That was the last time my short hair was criticized +in my presence, but the young minister was right +in his disapproval and I was wrong, as I subsequently +realized. A few years later I let my hair grow long, +for I had learned that no woman in public life can +afford to make herself conspicuous by any eccen- +tricity of dress or appearance. If she does so she +suffers for it herself, which may not disturb her, and +to a greater or less degree she injures the cause she +represents, which should disturb her very much. + + + +XII + +BUILDING A HOME + +It is not generally known that the meeting of +the International Council of Women held in +Chicago during the World's Fair was suggested by +Miss Anthony, as was also the appointment of the +Exposition's ``Board of Lady Managers.'' ``Aunt +Susan'' kept her name in the background, that she +might not array against these projects the opposi- +tion of those prejudiced against woman suffrage. +We both spoke at the meetings, however, as I have +already explained, and one of our most chastening +experiences occurred on ``Actress Night.'' There +was a great demand for tickets for this occasion, as +every one seemed anxious to know what kind of +speeches our leading women of the stage would make; +and the programme offered such magic names as +Helena Modjeska, Julia Marlowe, Georgia Cayvan, +Clara Morris, and others of equal appeal. The hall +was soon filled, and to keep out the increasing throng +the doors were locked and the waiting crowd was +directed to a second hall for an overflow meeting. + +As it happened, Miss Anthony and I were among +the earliest arrivals at the main hall. It was the +first evening we had been free to do exactly as we +pleased, and we were both in high spirits, looking +forward to the speeches, congratulating each other +on the good seats we had been given on the plat- +form, and rallying the speakers on their stage fright; +for, much to our amusement, we had found them all +in mortal terror of their audience. Georgia Cayvan, +for example, was so nervous that she had to be +strengthened with hot milk before she could speak, +and Julia Marlowe admitted freely that her knees +were giving way beneath her. They really had +something of an ordeal before them, for it was de- +cided that each actress must speak twice going +immediately from the hall to the overflow meeting +and repeating there the speech she had just made. +But in the mean time some one had to hold the im- +patient audience in the second hall, and as it was a +duty every one else promptly repudiated, a row of +suddenly imploring faces turned toward Miss An- +thony and me. I admit that we responded to the +appeal with great reluctance. We were SO com- +fortable where we were--and we were also deeply +interested in the first intimate glimpse we were +having of these stars in the dramatic sky. We saw +our duty, however, and with deep sighs we rose and +departed for the second hall, where a glance at the +waiting throng did not add to our pleasure in the +prospect before us. + +When I walked upon the stage I found myself +facing an actually hostile audience. They had come +to look at and listen to the actresses who had been +promised them, and they thought they were being +deprived of that privilege by an interloper. Never +before had I gazed out on a mass of such unresponsive +faces or looked into so many angry eyes. They +were exchanging views on their wrongs, and the gen- +eral buzz of conversation continued when I appeared. +For some moments I stood looking at them, my +hands behind my back. If I had tried to speak they +would undoubtedly have gone on talking; my si- +lence attracted their attention and they began to +wonder what I intended to do. When they had +stopped whispering and moving about, I spoke +to them with the frankness of an overburdened +heart. + +``I think,'' I said, slowly and distinctly, ``that you +are the most disagreeable audience I ever faced in +my life.'' + +They gasped and stared, almost open-mouthed in +their surprise. + +``Never,'' I went on, ``have I seen a gathering of +people turn such ugly looks upon a speaker who has +sacrificed her own enjoyment to come and talk to +them. Do you think I want to talk to you?'' I de- +manded, warming to my subject. ``I certainly do +not. Neither does Miss Anthony want to talk to +you, and the lady who spoke to you a few moments +ago, and whom you treated so rudely, did not wish +to be here. We would all much prefer to be in the +other hall, listening to the speakers from our com- +fortable seats on the stage. To entertain you we +gave up our places and came here simply because +the committee begged us to do so. I have only one +thing more to say. If you care to listen to me +courteously I am willing to waste time on you; but +don't imagine that I will stand here and wait while +you criticize the management.'' + +By this time I felt as if I had a child across my +knee to whom I was administering maternal chastise- +ment, and the uneasiness of my audience underlined +the impression. They listened rather sulkily at first; +then a few of the best-natured among them laughed, +and the laugh grew and developed into applause. +The experience had done them good, and they were +a chastened band when Clara Morris appeared, and +I gladly yielded the floor to her. + +All the actresses who spoke that night delivered +admirable addresses, but no one equaled Madame +Modjeska, who delivered exquisitely a speech writ- +ten, not by herself, but by a friend and country- +woman, on the condition of Polish women under +the regime of Russia. We were all charmed as we +listened, but none of us dreamed what that address +would mean to Modjeska. It resulted in her banish- +ment from Poland, her native land, which she was +never again permitted to enter. But though she +paid so heavy a price for the revelation, I do not +think she ever really regretted having given to +America the facts in that speech. + +During this same period I embarked upon a high +adventure. I had always longed for a home, and +my heart had always been loyal to Cape Cod. Now +I decided to have a home at Wianno, across the Cape +from my old parish at East Dennis. Deep-seated +as my home-making aspiration had been, it was +realized largely as the result of chance. A special +hobby of mine has always been auction sales. I +dearly love to drop into auction-rooms while sales +are in progress, and bid up to the danger-point, +taking care to stop just in time to let some one else +get the offered article. But of course I sometimes +failed to stop at the psychological moment, and the +result was a sudden realization that, in the course +of the years, I had accumulated an extraordinary +number of articles for which I had no shelter and +no possible use. + +The crown jewel of the collection was a bedroom +set I had picked up in Philadelphia. Usually, +cautious friends accompanied me on my auction- +room expeditions and restrained my ardor; but this +time I got away alone and found myself bidding +at the sale of a solid bog-wood bedroom set which +had been exhibited as a show-piece at the World's +Fair, and was now, in the words of the auctioneer, +``going for a song.'' I sang the song. I offered +twenty dollars, thirty dollars, forty dollars, and +other excited voices drowned mine with higher bids. +It was very thrilling. I offered fifty dollars, and +there was a horrible silence, broken at last by the +auctioneer's final, ``Going, going, GONE!'' I was mis- +tress of the bog-wood bedroom set--a set wholly +out of harmony with everything else I possessed, +and so huge and massive that two men were re- +quired to lift the head-board alone. Like many of +the previous treasures I had acquired, this was a +white elephant; but, unlike some of them, it was +worth more than I had paid for it. I was offered +sixty dollars for one piece alone, but I coldly refused +to sell it, though the tribute to my judgment warmed +my heart. I had not the faintest idea what to do +with the set, however, and at last I confided my +dilemma to my friend, Mrs. Ellen Dietrick, who +sagely advised me to build a house for it. The idea +intrigued me. The bog-wood furniture needed a +home, and so did I. + +The result of our talk was that Mrs. Dietrick +promised to select a lot for me at Wianno, where she +herself lived, and even promised to supervise the +building of my cottage, and to attend to all the other +details connected with it. Thus put, the temptation +was irresistible. Besides Mrs. Dietrick, many other +delightful friends lived at Wianno--the Garrisons, +the Chases of Rhode Island, the Wymans, the Wel- +lingtons--a most charming community. I gave Mrs. +Dietrick full authority to use her judgment in every +detail connected with the undertaking, and the +cottage was built. Having put her hand to this +plow of friendship, Mrs. Dietrick did the work with +characteristic thoroughness. I did not even visit +Wianno to look at my land. She selected it, bought +it, engaged a woman architect--Lois Howe of +Boston--and followed the latter's work from be- +ginning to end. The only stipulation I made was +that the cottage must be far up on the beach, out of +sight of everybody--really in the woods; and this +was easily met, for along that coast the trees came +almost to the water's edge. + +The cottage was a great success, and for many +years I spent my vacations there, filling the place with +young people. From the time of my sister Mary's +death I had had the general oversight of her two +daughters, Lola and Grace, as well as of Nicolas +and Eleanor, the two motherless daughters of my +brother John. They were all with me every sum- +mer in the new home, together with Lucy Anthony, +her sister and brother, Mrs. Rachel Foster Avery, +and other friends. We had special fishing costumes +made, and wore them much of the time. My nieces +wore knickerbockers, and I found vast content- +ment in short, heavy skirts over bloomers. We +lived out of doors, boating, fishing, and clamming +all day long, and, as in my early pioneer days in +Michigan, my part of the work was in the open. I +chopped all the wood, kept the fires going, and +looked after the grounds. + +Rumors of our care-free and unconventional life +began to circulate, and presently our Eden was in- +vaded by the only serpent I have ever found in the +newspaper world--a girl reporter from Boston. She +telegraphed that she was coming to see us; and +though, when she came, we had been warned of her +propensities and received her in conventional attire, +formally entertaining her with tea on the veranda, +she went away and gave free play to a hectic fancy. +She wrote a sensational full-page article for a Sun- +day newspaper, illustrated with pictures showing us +all in knickerbockers. In this striking work of art +I carried a fish net and pole and wore a handkerchief +tied over my head. The article, which was headed +THE ADAMLESS EDEN, was almost libelous, and I +admit that for a long time it dimmed our enjoy- +ment of our beloved retreat. Then, gradually, my +old friends died, Mrs. Dietrick among the first; +others moved away; and the character of the entire +region changed. It became fashionable, privacy +was no longer to be found there, and we ceased to +visit it. For five years I have not even seen the +cottage. + +In 1908 I built the house I now occupy (in Moylan, +Pennsylvania), which is the realization of a desire +I have always had--to build on a tract which had a +stream, a grove of trees, great boulders and rocks, +and a hill site for the house with a broad outlook, +and a railroad station conveniently near. The +friend who finally found the place for me had begun +his quest with the pessimistic remark that I would +better wait for it until I got to Paradise; but two +years later he telegraphed me that he had discovered +it on this planet, and he was right. I have only +eight acres of land, but no one could ask a more ideal +site for a cottage; and on the place is my beloved +forest, including a grove of three hundred firs. +From every country I have visited I have brought +back a tiny tree for this little forest, and now it +is as full of memories as of beauty. + +To the surprise of my neighbors, I built my house +with its back toward the public road, facing the +valley and the stream. ``But you will never see +anybody go by,'' they protested. I answered that +the one person in the house who was necessarily in- +terested in passers-by was my maid, and she could see +them perfectly from the kitchen, which faced the +road. I enjoy my views from the broad veranda +that overlooks the valley, the stream, and the +country for miles around. + +Every suffragist I have ever met has been a +lover of home; and only the conviction that she is +fighting for her home, her children, for other women, +or for all of these, has sustained her in her public +work. Looking back on many campaign experi- +ences, I am forced to admit that it is not always the +privations we endure which make us think most +tenderly of home. Often we are more overcome +by the attentions of well-meaning friends. As an +example of this I recall an incident of one Oregon +campaign. I was to speak in a small city in the +southern part of the state, and on reaching the +station, hot, tired, and covered with the grime +of a midsummer journey, I found awaiting me a +delegation of citizens, a brass-band, and a white +carriage drawn by a pair of beautiful white horses. +In this carriage, and devotedly escorted by the citi- +zens and the band, the latter playing its hardest, I +was driven to the City Hall and there met by the +mayor, who delivered an address, after which I was +crowned with a laurel wreath. Subsequently, with +this wreath still resting upon my perspiring brow, I +was again driven through the streets of the city; +and if ever a woman felt that her place was in the +home and longed to be in her place, I felt it that day. + +An almost equally trying occasion had San Fran- +cisco for its setting. The city had arranged a Fourth +of July celebration, at which Miss Anthony and I +were to speak. Here we rode in a carriage deco- +rated with flowers--yellow roses--while just in front +of us was the mayor in a carriage gorgeously fes- +tooned with purple blossoms. Behind us, for more +than a mile, stretched a procession of uniformed +policemen, soldiers, and citizens, while the sidewalks +were lined with men and women whose enthusiastic +greetings came to Miss Anthony from every side. +She was enchanted over the whole experience, for +to her it meant, as always, not a personal tribute, +but a triumph of the Cause. But I sat by her side +acutely miserable; for across my shoulders and +breast had been draped a huge sash with the word +``Orator'' emblazoned on it, and this was further +embellished by a striking rosette with streamers +which hung nearly to the bottom of my gown. It +is almost unnecessary to add that this remarkable +decoration was furnished by a committee of men, and +was also worn by all the men speakers of the day. +Possibly I was overheated by the sash, or by the +emotions the sash aroused in me, for I was stricken +with pneumonia the following day and experienced +my first serious illness, from which, however, I soon +recovered. + +On our way to California in 1895 Miss Anthony +and I spent a day at Cheyenne, Wyoming, as the +guests of Senator and Mrs. Carey, who gave a dinner +for us. At the table I asked Senator Carey what he +considered the best result of the enfranchisement of +Wyoming women, and even after the lapse of twenty +years I am able to give his reply almost word for +word, for it impressed me deeply at the time and I +have since quoted it again and again. + +``There have been many good results,'' he said, +``but the one I consider above all the others is the +great change for the better in the character of our +candidates for office. Consider this for a moment: +Since our women have voted there has never been +an embezzlement of public funds, or a scandalous +misuse of public funds, or a disgraceful condition of +graft. I attribute the better character of our public +officials almost entirely to the votes of the women.'' + +``Those are inspiring facts,'' I conceded, ``but +let us be just. There are three men in Wyoming +to every woman, and no candidate for office could +be elected unless the men voted for him, too. Why, +then, don't they deserve as much credit for his +election as the women?'' + +``Because,'' explained Senator Carey, promptly, +``women are politically an uncertain factor. We +can go among men and learn beforehand how they +are going to vote, but we can't do that with women; +they keep us guessing. In the old days, when we +went into the caucus we knew what resolutions put +into our platforms would win the votes of the ranch- +men, what would win the miners, what would win +the men of different nationalities; but we did not +know how to win the votes of the women until we +began to nominate our candidates. Then we im- +mediately discovered that if the Democrats nomi- +nated a man of immoral character for office, the +women voted for his Republican opponent, and we +learned our first big lesson--that whatever a candi- +date's other qualifications for office may be, he must +first of all have a clean record. In the old days, +when we nominated a candidate we asked, `Can he +hold the saloon vote?' Now we ask, `Can he hold +the women's vote?' Instead of bidding down to +the saloon, we bid up to the home.'' + +Following the dinner there was a large public +meeting, at which Miss Anthony and I were to speak. +Mrs. Jenkins, who was president of the Suffrage +Association of the state, presided and introduced us +to the assemblage. Then she added: ``I have intro- +duced you ladies to your audience. Now I would +like to introduce your audience to you.'' She be- +gan with the two Senators and the member of Con- +gress, then introduced the Governor, the Lieutenant- +Governor, the state Superintendent of Education, +and numerous city and state officials. As she went +on Miss Anthony grew more and more excited, and +when the introductions were over, she said: ``This is +the first time I have ever seen an audience assembled +for woman suffrage made up of the public officials +of a state. No one can ever persuade me now that +men respect women without political power as much +as they respect women who have it; for certainly +in no other state in the Union would it be possible +to gather so many public officials under one roof to +listen to the addresses of women.'' + +The following spring we again went West, with +Mrs. Catt, Lucy Anthony, Miss Hay and Miss +Sweet, her secretary, to carry on the Pacific coast +campaign of '96, arranged by Mrs. Cooper and her +daughter Harriet, of Oakland--both women of re- +markable executive ability. Headquarters were se- +cured in San Francisco, and Miss Hay was put in +charge, associated with a large group of California +women. It was the second time in the history of +campaigns--the first being in New York--that all +the money to carry on the work was raised by the +people of the state. + +The last days of the campaign were extremely +interesting, and one of their important events was +that the Hon. Thomas Reed, then Speaker of the +House of Representatives, for the first time came +out publicly for suffrage. Mr. Reed had often ex- +pressed himself privately as in favor of the Cause-- +but he had never made a public statement for us. +At Oakland, one day, the indefatigable and irresisti- +ble ``Aunt Susan'' caught him off his guard by per- +suading his daughter, Kitty Reed, who was his idol, +to ask him to say just one word in favor of our +amendment. When he arose we did not know +whether he had promised what she asked, and as +his speech progressed our hearts sank lower and +lower, for all he said was remote from our Cause. +But he ended with these words: + +``There is an amendment of the constitution +pending, granting suffrage to women. The women +of California ought to have suffrage. The men of +California ought to give it to them--and the next +speaker, Dr. Shaw, will tell you why.'' + +The word was spoken. And though it was not a +very strong word, it came from a strong man, and +therefore helped us. + +Election day, as usual, brought its surprises and +revelations. Mrs. Cooper asked her Chinese cook +how the Chinese were voting--i. e., the native-born +Chinamen who were entitled to vote--and he re- +plied, blithely, ``All Chinamen vote for Billy McKee +and `NO' to women!'' It is an interesting fact that +every Chinese vote was cast against us. + +All day we went from one to another of the polling- +places, and I shall always remember the picture of +Miss Anthony and the wife of Senator Sargent wan- +dering around the polls arm in arm at eleven o'clock +at night, their tired faces taking on lines of deeper +depression with every minute; for the count was +against us. However, we made a fairly good show- +ing. When the final counts came in we found that +we had won the state from the north down to Oak- +land, and from the south up to San Francisco; but +there was not a sufficient majority to overcome the +adverse votes of San Francisco and Oakland. With +more than 230,000 votes cast, we were defeated by +only 10,000 majority. In San Francisco the saloon +element and the most aristocratic section of the +city made an equal showing against us, while the +section occupied by the middle working-class was +largely in favor of our amendment. I dwell es- +pecially on this campaign, partly because such splen- +did work was done by the women of California, and +also because, during the same election, Utah and +Idaho granted full suffrage to women. This gave +us four suffrage states--Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, +and Idaho--and we prepared for future struggles +with very hopeful hearts. + +It was during this California campaign, by the +way, that I unwittingly caused much embarrass- +ment to a worthy young man. At a mass-meeting +held in San Francisco, Rabbi Vorsanger, who was not +in favor of suffrage for women, advanced the heart- +ening theory that in a thousand years more they +might possibly be ready for it. After a thousand +years of education for women, of physically de- +veloped women, of uncorseted women, he said, we +might have the ideal woman, and could then begin +to talk about freedom for her. + +When the rabbi sat down there was a shout from +the audience for me to answer him, but all I said +was that the ideal woman would be rather lonely, as +it would certainly take another thousand years to +develop an ideal man capable of being a mate for +her. On the following night Prof. Howard Griggs, +of Stanford University, made a speech on the modern +woman--a speech so admirably thought out and +delivered that we were all delighted with it. When +he had finished the audience again called on me, and +I rose and proceeded to make what my friends frank- +ly called ``the worst break'' of my experience. +Rabbi Vorsanger's ideal woman was still in my +mind, and I had been rather hard on the men in +my reply to the rabbi the night before; so now I +hastened to give this clever young man his full due. +I said that though the rabbi thought it would take +a thousand years to make an ideal woman, I believed +that, after all, it might not take as long to make the +ideal man. We had something very near it in a +speaker who could reveal such ability, such chivalry, +and such breadth of view as Professor Griggs had +just shown that he possessed. + +That night I slept the sleep of the just and the +well-meaning, and it was fortunate I did, for the +morning newspapers had a surprise for me that +called for steady nerves and a sense of humor. Across +the front page of every one of them ran startling +head-lines to this effect: +DR. SHAW HAS FOUND HER IDEAL MAN +The Prospects Are That She Will +Remain in California + + +Professor Griggs was young enough to be my son, +and he was already married and the father of two +beautiful children; but these facts were not per- +mitted to interfere with the free play of fancy in +journalistic minds. For a week the newspapers +were filled with all sorts of articles, caricatures, and +editorials on my ideal man, which caused me much +annoyance and some amusement, while they plunged +Professor Griggs into an abysmal gloom. In the +end, however, the experience proved an excellent +one for him, for the publicity attending his speech +made him decide to take up lecturing as a profession, +which he eventually did with great success. But +neither of us has yet heard the last of the Ideal Man +episode. Only a few years ago, on his return to +California after a long absence, one of the leading +Sunday newspapers of the state heralded Professor +Griggs's arrival by publishing a full-page article +bearing his photograph and mine and this flam- +boyant heading: + +SHE MADE HIM +And Dr. Shaw's Ideal Man Became the +Idol of American Women and +Earns $30,000 a Year + + +We had other unusual experiences in California, +and the display of affluence on every side was not +the least impressive of them. In one town, after +a heavy rain, I remember seeing a number of little +boys scraping the dirt from the gutters, washing it, +and finding tiny nuggets of gold. We learned that +these boys sometimes made two or three dollars a +day in this way, and that the streets of the town-- +I think it was Marysville--contained so much gold +that a syndicate offered to level the whole town and +repave the streets in return for the right to wash out +the gold. This sounds like the kind of thing Ameri- +cans tell to trustful visitors from foreign lands, but +it is quite true. +Nuggets, indeed, were so numerous that at one +of our meetings, when we were taking up a collec- +tion, I cheerfully suggested that our audience drop +a few into the box, as we had not had a nugget since +we reached the state. There were no nuggets in the +subsequent collection, but there was a note which +read: ``If Dr. Shaw will accept a gold nugget, I will +see that she does not leave town without one.'' I +read this aloud, and added, ``I have never refused +a gold nugget in my life.'' + +The following day brought me a pin made of a +very beautiful gold nugget, and a few days later +another Californian produced a cluster of smaller +nuggets which he had washed out of a panful of +earth and insisted on my accepting half of them. I +was not accustomed to this sort of generosity, but +it was characteristic of the spirit of the state. No- +where else, during our campaign experiences, were +we so royally treated in every way. As a single +example among many, I may mention that Mrs. +Leland Stanford once happened to be on a train +with us and to meet Miss Anthony. As a result of +this chance encounter she gave our whole party +passes on all the lines of the Southern Pacific Rail- +road, for use during the entire campaign. Similar +generosity was shown us on every side, and the ques- +tion of finance did not burden us from the beginning +to the end of the California work. + +In our Utah and Idaho campaigns we had also our +full share of new experiences, and of these perhaps +the most memorable to me was the sermon I preached +in the Mormon Tabernacle at Salt Lake City. +Before I left New York the Mormon women had sent +me the invitation to preach this sermon, and when I +reached Salt Lake City and the so-called ``Gentile'' +women heard of the plan, they at once invited me +to preach to the ``Gentiles'' on the evening of the +same Sunday, in the Salt Lake City Opera House. + +On the morning of the sermon I approached the +Mormon Tabernacle with much more trepidation +than I usually experienced before entering a pulpit. +I was not sure what particular kind of trouble I +would get into, but I had an abysmal suspicion +that trouble of some sort lay in wait for me, and I +shivered in the anticipation of it. Fortunately, my +anxiety was not long drawn out. I arrived only a few +moments before the hour fixed for the sermon, and +found the congregation already assembled and the +Tabernacle filled with the beautiful music of the great +organ. On the platform, to which I was escorted +by several leading dignitaries of the church, was the +characteristic Mormon arrangement of seats. The +first row was occupied by the deacons, and in the +center of these was the pulpit from which the deacons +preach. Above these seats was a second row, oc- +cupied by ordained elders, and there they too had +their own pulpit. The third row was occupied by, +the bishops and the highest dignitaries of the church, +with the pulpit from which the bishops preach; and +behind them all, an effective human frieze, was the +really wonderful Mormon choir. + +As I am an ordained elder in my church, I oc- +cupied the pulpit in the middle row of seats, with the +deacons below me and the bishops just behind. +Scattered among the congregation were hundreds of +``Gentiles'' ready to leap mentally upon any con- +cession I might make to the Mormon faith; while +the Mormons were equally on the alert for any +implied criticism of them and their church. The +problem of preaching a sermon which should offer +some appeal to both classes, without offending either, +was a perplexing one, and I solved it to the best of +my ability by delivering a sermon I had once given +in my own church to my own people. When I had +finished I was wholly uncertain of its effect, but at +the end of the services one of the bishops leaned +toward me from his place in the rear, and, to my +mingled horror and amusement, offered me this +tribute, ``That is one of the best Mormon sermons +ever preached in this Tabernacle.'' + +I thanked him, but inwardly I was aghast. What +had I said to give him such an impression? I racked +my brain, but could recall nothing that justified it. +I passed the day in a state of nervous apprehension, +fully expecting some frank criticism from the ``Gen- +tiles'' on the score of having delivered a Mormon +sermon to ingratiate myself into the favor of the +Mormons and secure their votes for the constitu- +tional amendment. But nothing of the kind was +said. That evening, after the sermon to the ``Gen- +tiles,'' a reception was given to our party, and I +drew my first deep breath when the wife of a well- +known clergyman came to me and introduced her- +self in these words: + +``My husband could not come here to-night, but +he heard your sermon this morning. He asked me +to tell you how glad he was that under such unusual +conditions you held so firmly to the teachings of +Christ.'' + +The next day I was still more reassured. A re- +ception was given us at the home of one of Brigham +Young's daughters, and the receiving-line was +graced by the presiding elder of the Methodist +Episcopal Church. He was a bluff and jovial gen- +tleman, and when he took my hand he said, warmly, +``Well, Sister Shaw, you certainly gave our Mormon +friends the biggest dose of Methodism yesterday +that they ever got in their lives.'' + +After this experience I reminded myself again +that what Frances Willard so frequently said is true; +All truth is our truth when it has reached our hearts; +we merely rechristen it according to our individual +creeds. + +During the visit I had an interesting conversation +with a number of the younger Mormon women. I +was to leave the city on a midnight train, and about +twenty of them, including four daughters of Brig- +ham Young, came to my hotel to remain with me +until it was time to go to the station. They filled +the room, sitting around in school-girl fashion on the +floor and even on the bed. It was an unusual op- +portunity to learn some things I wished to know, and +I could not resist it. + +``There are some questions I would like to ask +you,'' I began, ``and one or two of them may seem +impertinent. But they won't be asked in that +spirit--and please don't answer any that embarrass +you.'' + +They exchanged glances, and then told me to +ask as many questions as I wished. + +``First of all,'' I said, ``I would like to know the +real attitude toward polygamy of the present gen- +eration of Mormon women. Do you all believe +in it?'' + +They assured me that they did. + +``How many of you,'' I then asked, ``are polyga- +mous wives?'' + +There was not one in the group. +``But,'' I insisted, ``if you really believe in polyg- +amy, why is it that some of your husbands have +not taken more than one wife?'' + +There was a moment of silence, while each woman +looked around as if waiting for another to answer. +At last one of them said, slowly: + +``In my case, I alone was to blame. For years I +could not force myself to consent to my husband's +taking another wife, though I tried hard. By the +time I had overcome my objection the law was +passed prohibiting polygamy.'' + +A second member of the group hastened to tell +her story. She had had a similar spiritual struggle, +and just as she reached the point where she was +willing to have her husband take another wife, he +died. And now the room was filled with eager +voices. Four or five women were telling at once +that they, too, had been reluctant in the beginning, +and that when they had reached the point of consent +this, that, or another cause had kept the husbands +from marrying again. They were all so passion- +ately in earnest that they stared at me in puzzled +wonder when I broke into the sudden laughter I +could not restrain. + +``What fortunate women you all were!'' I ex- +claimed, teasingly. ``Not one of you arrived at the +point of consenting to the presence of a second wife +in your home until it was impossible for your hus- +band to take her.'' + +They flushed a little at that, and then laughed +with me; but they did not defend themselves against +the tacit charge, and I turned the conversation into +less personal channels. I learned that many of the +Mormon young men were marrying girls outside of +the Church, and that two sons of a leading Mormon +elder had married and were living very happily with +Catholic girls. + +At this time the Mormon candidate for Congress +(a man named Roberts) was a bitter opponent of +woman suffrage. The Mormon women begged me +to challenge him to a debate on the subject, which +I did, but Mr. Roberts declined the challenge. The +ground of his refusal, which he made public through +the newspapers, was chastening to my spirit. He +explained that he would not debate with me because +he was not willing to lower himself to the intellectual +plane of a woman. + + +XIII + +PRESIDENT OF ``THE NATIONAL'' + +In 1900 Miss Anthony, then over eighty, decided +that she must resign the presidency of our Nation- +al Association, and the question of the successor she +would choose became an important one. It was +conceded that there were only two candidates in +her mind--Mrs. Carrie Chapman Catt and myself-- +and for several months we gave the suffrage world +the unusual spectacle of rivals vigorously pushing +each other's claims. Miss Anthony was devoted +to us both, and I think the choice was a hard one +for her to make. On the one hand, I had been +vice-president at large and her almost constant +companion for twelve years, and she had grown ac- +customed to think of me as her successor. On the +other hand, Mrs. Catt had been chairman of the +organization committee, and through her splendid +executive ability had built up our organization in +many states. From Miss Anthony down, we all +recognized her steadily growing powers; she had, +moreover, abundant means, which I had not. + +In my mind there was no question of her superior +qualification for the presidency. She seemed to me +the logical and indeed the only possible successor +to Miss Anthony; and I told ``Aunt Susan'' so with +all the eloquence I could command, while simul- +taneously Mrs. Catt was pouring into Miss Anthony's +other ear a series of impassioned tributes to me. It +was an unusual situation and a very pleasant one, +and it had two excellent results: it simplified ``Aunt +Susan's'' problem by eliminating the element of per- +sonal ambition, and it led to her eventual choice +of Mrs. Catt as her successor. + +I will admit here for the first time that in urging +Mrs. Catt's fitness for the office I made the greatest +sacrifice of my life. My highest ambition had been +to succeed Miss Anthony, for no one who knew her +as I did could underestimate the honor of being +chosen by her to carry on her work. + +At the convention in Washington that year she +formally refused the nomination for re-election, as +we had all expected, and then, on being urged to +choose her own successor, she stepped forward to +do so. It was a difficult hour, for her fiery soul re- +sented the limitations imposed by her worn-out +body, and to such a worker the most poignant ex- +perience in life is to be forced to lay down one's +work at the command of old age. On this she +touched briefly, but in a trembling voice; and then, +in furtherance of the understanding between the +three of us, she presented the name of Mrs. Catt to +the convention with all the pride and hope a mother +could feel in the presentation of a daughter. + +Her faith was fully justified. Mrs. Catt made +an admirable president, and during every moment +of the four years she held the office she had Miss +Anthony's whole-hearted and enthusiastic support, +while I, too, in my continued office of vice-president, +did my utmost to help her in every way. In 1904, +however, Mrs. Catt was elected president of the +International Suffrage Alliance, as I have mentioned +before, and that same year she resigned the presi- +dency of our National Association, as her health +was not equal to the strain of carrying the two +offices. + +Miss Anthony immediately urged me to accept +the presidency of the National Association, which +I was now most unwilling to do; I had lost my +ambition to be president, and there were other rea- +sons, into which I need not go again, why I felt that +I could not accept the post. At last, however, Miss +Anthony actually commanded me to take the place, +and there was nothing to do but obey her. She was +then eighty-four, and, as it proved, within two years +of her death. It was no time for me to rebel against +her wishes; but I yielded with the heaviest heart +I have ever carried, and after my election to the +presidency at the national convention in Washing- +ton I left the stage, went into a dark corner of the +wings, and for the first time since my girlhood ``cried +myself sick.'' + +In the work I now took up I found myself much +alone. Mrs. Catt was really ill, and the strength +of ``Aunt Susan'' must be saved in every way. +Neither could give me much help, though each +did all she should have done, and more. Mrs. +Catt, whose husband had recently died, was in a +deeply despondent frame of mind, and seemed to +feel that the future was hopelessly dark. My own +panacea for grief is work, and it seemed to me that +both physically and mentally she would be helped +by a wise combination of travel and effort. During +my lifetime I have cherished two ambitions, and +only two: the first, as I have already confessed, +had been to succeed Miss Anthony as president of +our association; the second was to go around the +world, carrying the woman-suffrage ideal to every +country, and starting in each a suffrage society. +Long before the inception of the International Suf- +frage Alliance I had dreamed this dream; and, +though it had receded as I followed it through life, +I had never wholly lost sight of it. Now I realized +that for me it could never be more than a dream. +I could never hope to have enough money at my +disposal to carry it out, and it occurred to me that +if Mrs. Catt undertook it as president of the Inter- +national Suffrage Alliance the results would be of +the greatest benefit to the Cause and to her. + +In my first visit to her after her husband's death +I suggested this plan, but she replied that it was +impossible for her to consider it. I did not lose +thought of it, however, and at the next International +Conference, held in Copenhagen in 1907, I suggested +to some of the delegates that we introduce the +matter as a resolution, asking Mrs. Catt to go +around the world in behalf of woman suffrage. They +approved the suggestion so heartily that I followed +it up with a speech setting forth the whole plan and +Mrs. Catt's peculiar fitness for the work. Several +months later Mrs. Catt and Dr. Aletta Jacobs, presi- +dent of the Holland Suffrage Association, started on +their world tour; and not until after they had gone +did I fully realize that the two great personal am- +bitions of my life had been realized, not by me, but +by another, and in each case with my enthusiastic +co-operation. + +In 1904, following my election to the presidency, +a strong appeal came from the Board of Managers +of the exposition to be held in Portland, Oregon, +urging us to hold our next annual convention there +during the exposition. It was the first time an +important body of men had recognized us in this +manner, and we gladly responded. So strong a +political factor did the men of Oregon recognize us +to be that every political party in the state asked +to be represented on our platform; and one entire +evening of the convention was given over to the +representatives chosen by the various parties to +indorse the suffrage movement. Thus we began +in Oregon the good work we continued in 1906, and +of which we reaped the harvest in 1912. + +Next to ``Suffrage Night,'' the most interesting +feature of the exposition to us was the unveiling of +the statue of Saccawagea, the young Indian girl +who led the Lewis and Clark expedition through the +dangerous passes of the mountain ranges of the +Northwest until they reached the Pacific coast. +This statue, presented to the exposition by the +women of Oregon, is the belated tribute of the state +to its most dauntless pioneer; and no one can look +upon the noble face of the young squaw, whose out- +stretched hand points to the ocean, without marvel- +ing over the ingratitude of the nation that ignored +her supreme service. To Saccawagea is due the +opening up of the entire western country. There +was no one to guide Lewis and Clark except this +Indian, who alone knew the way; and she led the +whole party, carrying her papoose on her back. +She was only sixteen, but she brought every man +safely through an experience of almost unparalleled +hardship and danger, nursing them in sickness and +setting them an example of unfaltering courage and +endurance, until she stood at last on the Pacific +coast, where her statue stands now, pointing to the +wide sweep of the Columbia River as it flows into +the sea. + +This recognition by women is the only recognition +she ever received. Both Lewis and Clark were sin- +cerely grateful to her and warmly recommended her +to the government for reward; but the government +allowed her absolutely nothing, though each man +in the party she had led was given a large tract of +land. Tradition says that she was bitterly disap- +pointed, as well she might have been, and her Indian +brain must have been sadly puzzled. But she was +treated little worse than thousands of the white +pioneer women who have followed her; and standing: +there to-day on the bank of her river, she still seems +sorrowfully reflective over the strange ways of the +nation she so nobly served. + +The Oregon campaign of 1906 was the carrying +out of one of Miss Anthony's dearest wishes, and we +who loved her set about this work soon after her +death. In the autumn preceding her passing, head- +quarters had been established in Oregon, and Miss +Laura Gregg had been placed in charge, with Miss +Gale Laughlin as her associate. As the money for +this effort was raised by the National Association, +it was decided, after some discussion, to let the +National Association develop the work in Oregon, +which was admittedly a hard state to carry and full +of possible difficulties which soon became actual +ones. + +As a beginning, the Legislature had failed to sub- +mit an amendment; but as the initiative and referen- +dum was the law in Oregon, the amendment was sub- +mitted through initiative patent. The task of se- +curing the necessary signatures was not an easy one, +but at last a sufficient number of signatures were +secured and verified, and the authorities issued the +necessary proclamation for the vote, which was to +take place at a special election held on the 5th of +June. Our campaign work had been carried on as +extensively as possible, but the distances were great +and the workers few, and as a result of the strain +upon her Miss Gregg's health soon failed alarm- +ingly. + +All this was happening during Miss Anthony's +last illness, and it added greatly to our anxieties. + +She instructed me to go to Oregon immediately +after her death and to take her sister Mary and +her niece Lucy with me, and we followed these +orders within a week of her funeral, arriving in +Portland on the third day of April. I had at- +tempted too much, however, and I proved it by +fainting as I got off the train, to the horror of +the friendly delegation waiting to receive us. The +Portland women took very tender care of me, +and in a few days I was ready for work, but we +found conditions even worse than we had expected. +Miss Gregg had collapsed utterly and was unable +to give us any information as to what had been done +or planned, and we had to make a new foundation. +Miss Laura Clay, who had been in the Portland work +for a few weeks, proved a tower of strength, and we +were soon aided further by Ida Porter Boyer, who +came on to take charge of the publicity department. +During the final six weeks of the campaign Alice +Stone Blackwell, of Boston, was also with us, while +Kate Gordon took under her special charge the or- +ganization of the city of Portland and the parlor- +meeting work. Miss Clay went into the state, where +Emma Smith DeVoe and other speakers were also +working, and I spent my time between the office +headquarters and ``the road,'' often working at my +desk until it was time to rush off and take a train +for some town where I was to hold a night meeting. +Miss Mary and Miss Lucy Anthony confined them- +selves to office-work in the Portland headquarters, +where they gave us very valuable assistance. I +have always believed that we would have carried +Oregon that year if the disaster of the California +earthquake had not occurred to divert the minds of +Western men from interest in anything save that +great catastrophe. + +On election day it seemed as if the heavens had +opened to pour floods upon us. Never before or +since have I seen such incessant, relentless rain. +Nevertheless, the women of Portland turned out +in force, led by Mrs. Sarah Evans, president of the +Oregon State Federation of Women's Clubs, while +all day long Dr. Pohl took me in her automobile +from one polling-place to another. At each we found +representative women patiently enduring the drench- +ing rain while they tried to persuade men to vote for +us. We distributed sandwiches, courage, and in- +spiration among them, and tried to cheer in the same +way the women watchers, whose appointment we +had secured that year for the first time. Two women +had been admitted to every polling-place--but the +way in which we had been able to secure their pres- +ence throws a high-light on the difficulties we were +meeting. We had to persuade men candidates to +select these women as watchers; and the only men +who allowed themselves to be persuaded were those +running on minority tickets and hopeless of election +--the prohibitionists, the socialists, and the candi- +dates of the labor party. + +The result of the election taught us several things. +We had been told that all the prohibitionists and +socialists would vote for us. Instead, we discovered +that the percentage of votes for woman suffrage was +about the same in every party, and that whenever +the voter had cast a straight vote, without inde- +pendence enough to ``scratch'' his ticket, that vote +was usually against us. On the other hand, when +the ticket was ``scratched'' the vote was usually in +our favor, whatever political party the man be- +longed to. + +Another interesting discovery was that the early +morning vote was favorable to our Cause the vote +cast by working-men on their way to their employ- +ment. During the middle of the forenoon and after- +noon, when the idle class was at the polls, the vote +ran against us. The late vote, cast as men were +returning from their work, was again largely in our +favor--and we drew some conclusions from this. + +Also, for the first time in the history of any cam- +paign, the anti-suffragists had organized against us. +Portland held a small body of women with anti- +suffrage sentiments, and there were others in the +state who formed themselves into an anti-suffrage +society and carried on a more or less active warfare. +In this campaign, for the first time, obscene cards +directed against the suffragists were circulated at +the polls; and while I certainly do not accuse the +Oregon anti-suffragists of circulating them, it is a +fact that the cards were distributed as coming from +the anti-suffragists--undoubtedly by some vicious +element among the men which had its own good rea- +son for opposing us. The ``antis'' also suffered in +this campaign from the ``pernicious activity'' of +their spokesman--a lawyer with an unenviable +reputation. After the campaign was over this man +declared that it had cost the opponents of our +measure $300,000. + +In 1907 Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont began to show an +interest in suffrage work, and through the influence +of several leaders in the movement, notably that of +Mrs. Ida Husted Harper, she decided to assist in +the establishment of national headquarters in the +State of New York. For a long time the associa- +tion's headquarters had been in Warren, Ohio, the +home of Mrs. Harriet Taylor Upton, then national +treasurer, and it was felt that their removal to a +larger city would have a great influence in develop- +ing the work. In 1909 Mrs. Belmont attended as +a delegate the meeting of the International Suffrage +Alliance in London, and her interest in the Cause +deepened. She became convinced that the head- +quarters of the association should be in New York +City, and at our Seattle convention that same year +I presented to the delegates her generous offer to +pay the rent and maintain a press department for +two years, on condition that our national head- +quarters were established in New York. + +This proposition was most gratefully accepted, +and we promptly secured headquarters in one of +the most desirable buildings on Fifth Avenue. The +wisdom of the change was demonstrated at once by +the extraordinary growth of the work. During our +last year in Warren, for example, the proceeds from +the sale of our literature were between $1,200 and +$1,300. During the first year in New York our +returns from such sales were between $13,000 and +$14,000, and an equal growth was evident in our +other departments. + +At the end of two years Mrs. Belmont ceased to +support the press department or to pay the rent, +but her timely aid had put us on our feet, and we +were able to continue our splendid progress and to +meet our expenses. + +The special event of 1908 was the successful com- +pletion of the fund President M. Carey Thomas of +Bryn Mawr and Miss Mary Garrett had promised in +1906 to raise for the Cause. For some time after Miss +Anthony's death nothing more was said of this, but +I knew those two indefatigable friends were not idle, +and ``Aunt Susan'' had died in the blessed conviction +that their success was certain. In 1907 I received a +letter from Miss Thomas telling me that the project +was progressing; and later she sent an outline of +her plan, which was to ask a certain number of +wealthy persons to give five hundred dollars a year +each for a term of years. In all, a fund of $60,000 +was to be raised, of which we were to have $12,000 +a year for five years; $4,500 of the $12,000 was to +be paid in salaries to three active officers, and the +remaining $7,500 was to go toward the work of the +association. The entire fund was to be raised by +May 1, 1908, she added, or the plan would be +dropped. + +I was on a lecture tour in Ohio in April, 1908, +when one night, as I was starting for the hall where +the lecture was to be given, my telephone bell rang. +``Long distance wants you,'' the operator said, and +the next minute a voice I recognized as that of Miss +Thomas was offering congratulations. ``The last +dollar of the $60,000,'' she added, ``was pledged at +four o'clock this afternoon.'' + +I was so overcome by the news that I dropped the +receiver and shook in a violent nervous attack, +and this trembling continued throughout my lecture. +It had not seemed possible that such a burden could +be lifted from my shoulders; $7,500 a year would +greatly aid our work, and $4,500 a year, even though +divided among three officers, would be a most wel- +come help to each. As subsequently arranged, +the salaries did not come to us through the National +Association treasury; they were paid directly by +Miss Thomas and Miss Garrett as custodians of the +fund. So it is quite correct to say that no salaries +have ever been paid by the National Association to +its officers. + +Three years later, in 1911, another glorious sur- +prise came to me in a very innocent-looking letter. +It was one of many in a heavy mail, and I opened it +absent-mindedly, for the day had been problem-filled. + +The writer stated very simply that she wished +to put a large amount into my hands to invest, +to draw on, and to use for the Cause as I saw fit. +The matter was to be a secret between us, and she +wished no subsequent accounting, as she had entire +faith in my ability to put the money to the best +possible use. + +The proposition rather dazed me, but I rallied my +forces and replied that I was infinitely grateful, but +that the amount she mentioned was a large one and I +would much prefer to share the responsibility of dis- +bursing it. Could she not select one more person, at +least, to share the secret and act with me? She re- +plied, telling me to make the selection, if I insisted on +having a confidante, and I sent her the names of Miss +Thomas and Miss Garrett, suggesting that as Miss +Thomas had done so much of the work in con- +nection with the $60,000 fund, Miss Garrett might +be willing to accept the detail work of this fund. +My friend replied that either of these ladies would +be perfectly satisfactory to her. She knew them +both, she said, and I was to arrange the matter as I +chose, as it rested wholly in my hands. + +I used this money in subsequent state campaigns, +and I am very sure that to it was largely due the +winning of Arizona, Kansas, and Oregon in 1912, +and of Montana and Nevada in 1914. It enabled +us for the first time to establish headquarters, se- +cure an office force, and engage campaign speakers. +I also spent some of it in the states we lost then +but will win later--Ohio, Wisconsin, and Michigan-- +using in all more than fifteen thousand dollars. In +September, 1913, I received another check from the +same friend, showing that she at least was satisfied +with the results we had achieved. + +``It goes to you with my love,'' she wrote, ``and +my earnest hopes for further success--not the least +of this a crowning of your faithful, earnest, splendid +work for our beloved Cause. How blessed it is that +you are our president and leader!'' + +I had talked to this woman only twice in my life, +and I had not seen her for years when her first check +came; so her confidence in me was an even greater +gift than her royal donation toward our Cause. + + + +XIV + +RECENT CAMPAIGNS + +The interval between the winning of Idaho and +Utah in 1896 and that of Washington in 1910 +seemed very long to lovers of the Cause. We were +working as hard as ever--harder, indeed, for the +opposition against us was growing stronger as our +opponents realized what triumphant woman suf- +frage would mean to the underworld, the grafters, +and the whited sepulchers in public office. But in +1910 we were cheered by our Washington victory, +followed the next year by the winning of California. +Then, with our splendid banner year of 1912 came +the winning of three states--Arizona, Kansas, and +Oregon--preceded by a campaign so full of vim and +interest that it must have its brief chronicle here. + +To begin, we conducted in 1912 the largest num- +ber of campaigns we had ever undertaken, working +in six states in which constitutional amendments +were pending--Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Oregon, +Arizona, and Kansas. Personally, I began my work +in Ohio in August, with the modest aspiration of +speaking in each of the principal towns in every one +of these states. In Michigan I had the invaluable +assistance of Mrs. Lawrence Lewis, of Philadelphia, +and I visited at this time the region of my old home, +greatly changed since the days of my girlhood, and +talked to the old friends and neighbors who had +turned out in force to welcome me. They showed +their further interest in the most satisfactory way, +by carrying the amendment in their part of the +state. + +At least four and five speeches a day were expected, +and as usual we traveled in every sort of conveyance, +from freight-cars to eighty horse-power French auto- +mobiles. In Eau Clair, Wisconsin, I spoke at the +races immediately after the passing of a procession +of cattle. At the end of the procession rode a wom- +an in an ox-cart, to represent pioneer days. She +wore a calico gown and a sunbonnet, and drove her +ox-team with genuine skill; and the last touch to +the picture she made was furnished by the presence +of a beautiful biplane which whirred lightly in the +air above her. The obvious comparison was too +good to ignore, so I told my hearers that their women +to-day were still riding in ox-teams while the men +soared in the air, and that women's work in the +world's service could be properly done only when +they too were allowed to fly. + +In Oregon we were joined by Miss Lucy Anthony. +There, at Pendleton, I spoke during the great +``round up,'' holding the meeting at night on the +street, in which thousands of horsemen--cowboys, +Indians, and ranchmen--were riding up and down, +blowing horns, shouting, and singing. It seemed +impossible to interest an audience under such con- +ditions, but evidently the men liked variety, for +when we began to speak they quieted down and +closed around us until we had an audience that filled +the streets in every direction and as far as our voices +could reach. Never have we had more courteous or +enthusiastic listeners than those wild and happy +horsemen. Best of all, they not only cheered our +sentiments, but they followed up their cheers with +their votes. I spoke from an automobile, and when +I had finished one of the cowboys rode close to me +and asked for my New York address. ``You will +hear from me later,'' he said, when he had made a +note of it. In time I received a great linen banner, +on which he had made a superb pen-and-ink sketch +of himself and his horse, and in every corner sketches +of scenes in the different states where women voted, +together with drawings of all the details of cowboy +equipment. Over these were drawn the words: + + WOMAN SUFFRAGE--WE ARE ALL FOR IT. + +The banner hangs to-day in the National Head- +quarters. + +In California Mr. Edwards presented me with the +money to purchase the diamond in Miss Anthony's +flag pin representing the victory of his state the +preceding year; and in Arizona one of the high- +lights of the campaign was the splendid effort of +Mrs. Frances Munds, the state president, and Mrs. +Alice Park, of Palo Alto, California, who were carry- +ing on the work in their headquarters with tre- +mendous courage, and, as it seemed to me, almost +unaided. Mrs. Park's specialty was the distribu- +tion of suffrage literature, which she circulated with +remarkable judgment. The Governor of Arizona +was in favor of our Cause, but there were so few +active workers available that to me, at least, the +winning of the state was a happy surprise. + +In Kansas we stole some of the prestige of Champ +Clark, who was making political speeches in the +same region. At one station a brass-band and a +great gathering were waiting for Mr. Clark's train +just as our train drew in; so the local suffragists per- +suaded the band to play for us, too, and I made a +speech to the inspiring accompaniment of ``Hail to +the Chief.'' The passengers on our train were great- +ly impressed, thinking it was all for us; the crowd +at the station were glad to be amused until the great +man came, and I was glad of the opportunity to +talk to so many representative men--so we were +all happy. + +In the Soldiers' Home at Leavenworth I told the +old men of the days when my father and brothers +left us in the wilderness, and my mother and I cared +for the home while they fought at the front--and +I have always believed that much of the large vote +we received at Leavenworth was cast by those old +soldiers. + +No one who knows the conditions doubts that we +really won Michigan that year as well as the three +other states, but strange things were done in the +count. For example, in one precinct in Detroit +forty more votes were counted against our amend- +ment than there were voters in the district. In +other districts there were seven or eight more votes +than voters. Under these conditions it is not sur- +prising that, after the vigorous recounting following +the first wide-spread reports of our success, Michi- +gan was declared lost to us. + +The campaign of 1914, in which we won Montana +and Nevada, deserves special mention here. I must +express also my regret that as this book will be on +the presses before the campaign of 1915 is ended, I +cannot include in these reminiscences the results +of our work in New York and other states. + +As a beginning of the 1914 campaign I spent a day +in Chicago, on the way to South Dakota, to take my +part in a moving-picture suffrage play. It was my +first experience as an actress, and I found it a taxing +one. As a modest beginning I was ordered to make +a speech in thirty-three seconds--something of a +task, as my usual time allowance for a speech is one +hour. The manager assured me, however, that a +speech of thirty-three seconds made twenty-seven +feet of film--enough, he thought, to convert even a +lieutenant-governor! + +The Dakota campaigns, as usual, resolved them- +selves largely into feats of physical endurance, in +which I was inspired by the fine example of the state +presidents--Mrs. John Pyle of South Dakota and +Mrs. Clara V. Darrow of North Dakota. Every day +we made speeches from the rear platform of the +trains on which we were traveling--sometimes only +two or three, sometimes half a dozen. One day I +rode one hundred miles in an automobile and spoke +in five different towns. Another day I had to make +a journey in a freight-car. It was, with a few ex- +ceptions, the roughest traveling I had yet known, +and it took me six hours to reach my destination. +While I was gathering up hair-pins and pulling my- +self together to leave the car at the end of the ride +I asked the conductor how far we had traveled. + +``Forty miles,'' said he, tersely. + +``That means forty miles AHEAD,'' I murmured. +``How far up and down?'' + +``Oh, a hundred miles up and down,'' grinned the +conductor, and the exchange of persiflage cheered +us both. + +Though we did not win, I have very pleasant +memories of North Dakota, for Mrs. Darrow ac- +companied me during the entire campaign, and took +every burden from my shoulders so efficiently that +I had nothing to do but make speeches. + +In Montana our most interesting day was that +of the State Fair, which ended with a suffrage parade +that I was invited to lead. On this occasion the +suffragists wished me to wear my cap and gown and +my doctor's hood, but as I had not brought those +garments with me, we borrowed and I proudly wore +the cap and gown of the Unitarian minister. It was +a small but really beautiful parade, and all the cos- +tumes for it were designed by the state president, +Miss Jeannette Rankin, to whose fine work, by the +way, combined with the work of her friends, the +winning of Montana was largely due. + +In Butte the big strike was on, and the town was +under martial law. A large banquet was given us +there, and when we drove up to the club-house +where this festivity was to be held we were stopped +by two armed guards who confronted us with stern +faces and fixed bayonets. The situation seemed so +absurd that I burst into happy laughter, and thus +deeply offended the earnest young guards who were +grasping the fixed bayonets. This sad memory was +wiped out, however, by the interest of the banquet-- +a very delightful affair, attended by the mayor of +Butte and other local dignitaries. + +In Nevada the most interesting feature of the +campaign was the splendid work of the women. In +each of the little towns there was the same spirit +of ceaseless activity and determination. The presi- +dent of the State Association, Miss Anne Martin, +who was at the head of the campaign work, accom- +panied me one Sunday when we drove seventy miles +in a motor and spoke four times, and she was also +my companion in a wonderful journey over the +mountains. Miss Martin was a tireless and worthy +leader of the fine workers in her state. + +In Missouri, under the direction of Mrs. Walter +McNabb Miller, and in Nebraska, where Mrs. E. +Draper Smith was managing the campaign, we had +some inspiring meetings. At Lincoln Mrs. William +Jennings Bryan introduced me to the biggest audi- +ence of the year, and the programme took on a special +interest from the fact that it included Mrs. Bryan's +debut as a speaker for suffrage. She is a tall and +attractive woman with an extremely pleasant voice, +and she made an admirable speech--clear, terse, and +much to the point, putting herself on record as a +strong supporter of the woman-suffrage movement. +There was also an amusing aftermath of this occa- +sion, which Secretary Bryan himself confided to me +several months later when I met him in Atlantic +City. He assured me, with the deep sincerity he +assumes so well, that for five nights after my speech +in Lincoln his wife had kept him awake listening to +her report of it--and he added, solemnly, that he +now knew it ``by heart.'' + +A less pleasing memory of Nebraska is that I lost +my voice there and my activities were sadly inter- +rupted. But I was taken to the home of Mr. and +Mrs. Francis A. Brogan, of Omaha, and supplied +with a trained nurse, a throat specialist, and such +care and comfort that I really enjoyed the enforced +rest--knowing, too, that the campaign committee +was carrying on our work with great enthusiasm. + +In Missouri one of our most significant meetings +was in Bowling Green, the home of Champ Clark, +Speaker of the House. Mrs. Clark gave a reception, +made a speech, and introduced me at the meeting, +as Mrs. Bryan had done in Lincoln. She is one of +the brightest memories of my Missouri experience, +for, with few exceptions, she is the most entertaining +woman I have ever met. Subsequently we had an +all-day motor journey together, during which Mrs. +Clark rarely stopped talking and I even more rarely +stopped laughing. + + + +XV + +CONVENTION INCIDENTS + +From 1887 to 1914 we had a suffrage convention +every year, and I attended each of them. In pre- +ceding chapters I have mentioned various convention +episodes of more or less importance. Now, looking +back over them all as I near the end of these remi- +niscences, I recall a few additional incidents which +had a bearing on later events. +There was, for example, the much-discussed at- +tack on suffrage during the Atlanta convention of +1895, by a prominent clergyman of that city whose +name I mercifully withhold. On the Sunday pre- +ceding our arrival this gentleman preached a sermon +warning every one to keep away from our meetings, +as our effort was not to secure the franchise for +women, but to encourage the intermarriage of the +black and white races. Incidentally he declared that +the suffragists were trying to break up the homes +of America and degrade the morals of women, and +that we were all infidels and blasphemers. He ended +with a personal attack on me, saying that on the +previous Sunday I had preached in the Epworth +Memorial Methodist Church of Cleveland, Ohio, a +sermon which was of so blasphemous a nature that +nothing could purify the church after it except to +burn it down. + +As usual at our conventions, I had been announced +to preach the sermon at our Sunday conference, and +I need hardly point out that the reverend gentle- +man's charge created a deep public interest in this +effort. I had already selected a text, but I im- +mediately changed my plans and announced that +I would repeat the sermon I had delivered in Cleve- +land and which the Atlanta minister considered so +blasphemous. The announcement brought out an +audience which filled the Opera House and called +for a squad of police officers to keep in order the +street crowd that could not secure entrance. The +assemblage had naturally expected that I would +make some reply to the clergyman's attack, but I +made no reference whatever to him. I merely re- +peated, with emphasis, the sermon I had delivered +in Cleveland. + +At the conclusion of the service one of the trustees +of my reverend critic's church came and apologized +for his pastor. He had a high regard for him, the +trustee said, but in this instance there could be no +doubt in the mind of any one who had heard both +sermons that of the two mine was the tolerant, the +reverent, and the Christian one. The attack made +many friends for us, first because of its injustice, +and next because of the good-humored tolerance +with which the suffragists accepted it. + +The Atlanta convention, by the way, was ar- +ranged and largely financed by the Misses Howard-- +three sisters living in Columbus, Georgia, and each +an officer of the Georgia Woman Suffrage Association. +It is a remarkable fact that in many of our Southern +states the suffrage movement has been led by three +sisters. In Kentucky the three Clay sisters were +for many years leaders in the work. In Texas the +three Finnegan sisters did splendid work; in Loui- +siana the Gordon sisters were our stanchest allies, +while in Virginia we had the invaluable aid of Mary +Johnston, the novelist, and her two sisters. We +used to say, laughingly, if there was a failure to +organize any state in the South, that it must be due +to the fact that no family there had three sisters +to start the movement. + +From the Atlanta convention we went directly +to Washington to attend the convention of the +National Council of Women, and on the first day +of this council Frederick Douglass came to the meet- +ing. Mr. Douglass had a special place in the hearts +of suffragists, for the reason that at the first con- +vention ever held for woman suffrage in the United +States (at Seneca Falls, New York) he was the only +person present who stood by Elizabeth Cady Stan- +ton when she presented her resolution in favor of +votes for women. Even Lucretia Mott was startled +by this radical step, and privately breathed into the +ear of her friend, ``Elizabeth, thee is making us +ridiculous!'' Frederick Douglass, however, took the +floor in defense of Mrs. Stanton's motion, a service +we suffragists never forgot. + +Therefore, when the presiding officer of the council, +Mrs. May Wright Sewall, saw Mr. Douglass enter the +convention hall in Washington on this particular morn- +ing, she appointed Susan B. Anthony and me a com- +mittee to escort him to a seat on the platform, which +we gladly did. Mr. Douglass made a short speech +and then left the building, going directly to his home. +There, on entering his hall, he had an attack of heart +failure and dropped dead as he was removing his +overcoat. His death cast a gloom over the con- +vention, and his funeral, which took place three +days later, was attended by many prominent men +and women who were among the delegates. Miss +Anthony and I were invited to take part in the +funeral services, and she made a short address, +while I offered a prayer. + +The event had an aftermath in Atlanta, for it +led our clerical enemy to repeat his charges against +us, and to offer the funeral of Frederick Douglass as +proof that we were hand in glove with the negro +race. + +Under the gracious direction of Miss Kate Gordon +and the Louisiana Woman Suffrage Association, we +held an especially inspiring convention in New +Orleans in 1903. In no previous convention were +arrangements more perfect, and certainly nowhere +else did the men of a community co-operate more gen- +erously with the women in entertaining us. A club +of men paid the rent of our hall, chartered a steam- +boat and gave us a ride on the Mississippi, and in +many other ways helped to make the occasion a suc- +cess. Miss Gordon, who was chairman of the +programme committee, introduced the innovation of +putting me before the audience for twenty minutes +every evening, at the close of the regular session, +as a target for questions. Those present were +privileged to ask any questions they pleased, and I +answered them--if I could. + +We were all conscious of the dangers attending +a discussion of the negro question, and it was under- +stood among the Northern women that we must +take every precaution to avoid being led into such +discussion. It had not been easy to persuade Miss +Anthony of the wisdom of this course; her way was +to face issues squarely and out in the open. But +she agreed that we must respect the convictions of +the Southern men and women who were entertain- +ing us so hospitably. + +On the opening night, as I took my place to answer +questions, almost the first slip passed up bore these +words: + + +What is your purpose in bringing your convention to the +South? Is it the desire of suffragists to force upon us the +social equality of black and white women? Political equality +lays the foundation for social equality. If you give the ballot +to women, won't you make the black and white woman equal +politically and therefore lay the foundation for a future claim +of social equality? + + +I laid the paper on one side and did not answer +the question. The second night it came to me +again, put in the same words, and again I ignored +it. The third night it came with this addition: + +Evidently you do not dare to answer this question. There- +fore our conclusion is that this is your purpose. + + +When I had read this I went to the front of the +platform. + +``Here,'' I said, ``is a question which has been +asked me on three successive nights. I have not +answered it because we Northern women had de- +cided not to enter into any discussion of the race +question. But now I am told by the writer of this +note that we dare not answer it. I wish to say that +we dare to answer it if you dare to have it answered +--and I leave it to you to decide whether I shall +answer it or not.'' + +I read the question aloud. Then the audience +called for the answer, and I gave it in these words, +quoted as accurately as I can remember them: + +``If political equality is the basis of social equality, +and if by granting political equality you lay the +foundation for a claim of social equality, I can only +answer that you have already laid that claim. You +did not wait for woman suffrage, but disfranchised +both your black and your white women, thus making +them politically equal. But you have done more +than that. You have put the ballot into the hands +of your black men, thus making them the political +superiors of your white women. Never before in the +history of the world have men made former slaves +the political masters of their former mistresses!'' + +The point went home and it went deep. I drove +it in a little further. + +``The women of the South are not alone,'' I said, +``in their humiliation. All the women of America +share it with them. There is no other nation in the +world in which women hold the position of political +degradation our American women hold to-day. +German women are governed by German men; +French women are governed by French men. But +in these United States American women are gov- +erned by every race of men under the light of the +sun. There is not a color from white to black, from +red to yellow, there is not a nation from pole to +pole, that does not send its contingent to govern +American women. If American men are willing to +leave their women in a position as degrading as this +they need not be surprised when American women +resolve to lift themselves out of it.'' + +For a full moment after I had finished there was +absolute silence in the audience. We did not know +what would happen. Then, suddenly, as the truth +of the statement struck them, the men began to +applaud--and the danger of that situation was over. + +Another episode had its part in driving the suf- +frage lesson home to Southern women. The Legis- +lature had passed a bill permitting tax-paying women +to vote at any election where special taxes were to +be imposed for improvements, and the first election +following the passage of this bill was one in New +Orleans, in which the question of better drainage +for the city was before the public. Miss Gordon +and the suffrage association known as the Era +Club entered enthusiastically into the fight for good +drainage. According to the law women could vote +by proxy if they preferred, instead of in person, so +Miss Gordon drove to the homes of the old con- +servative Creole families and other families whose +women were unwilling to vote in public, and she +collected their proxies while incidentally she showed +them what position they held under the law. + +With each proxy it was necessary to have the signa- +ture of a witness, but according to the Louisiana law +no woman could witness a legal document. Miss +Gordon was driven from place to place by her colored +coachman, and after she had secured the proxy of +her temporary hostess it was usually discovered that +there was no man around the place to act as a wit- +ness. This was Miss Gordon's opportunity. With +a smile of great sweetness she would say, ``I will +have Sam come in and help us out''; and the colored +coachman would get down from his box, and by +scrawling his signature on the proxy of the aristo- +cratic lady he would give it the legal value it lacked. +In this way Miss Gordon secured three hundred +proxies, and three hundred very conservative women +had an opportunity to compare their legal standing +with Sam's. The drainage bill was carried and in- +terest in woman suffrage developed steadily. + +The special incident of the Buffalo convention of +1908 was the receipt of a note which was passed up +to me as I sat on the platform. When I opened it +a check dropped out--a check so large that I was +sure it had been sent by mistake. However, after +asking one or two friends on the platform if I had +read it correctly, I announced to the audience that +if a certain amount were subscribed immediately I +would reveal a secret--a very interesting secret. +Audiences are as curious as individuals. The amount +was at once subscribed. Then I held up a check +for $10,000, given for our campaign work by Mrs. +George Howard Lewis, in memory of Susan B. An- +thony, and I read to the audience the charming +letter that accompanied it. The money was used +during the campaigns of the following year--part of +it in Washington, where an amendment was already +submitted. + +In a previous chapter I have described the estab- +lishment of our New York headquarters as a result +of the generous offer of Mrs. O. H. P. Belmont at +the Seattle convention in 1909. During our first +year in these beautiful Fifth Avenue rooms Mrs. +Pankhurst made her first visit to America, and we +gave her a reception there. This, however, was +before the adoption of the destructive methods which +have since marked the activities of the band of +militant suffragists of which Mrs. Pankhurst is +president. There has never been any sympathy +among American suffragists for the militant suffrage +movement in England, and personally I am wholly +opposed to it. I do not believe in war in any form; +and if violence on the part of men is undesirable in +achieving their ends, it is much more so on the part +of women; for women never appear to less advan- +tage than in physical combats with men. As for +militancy in America, no generation that attempted +it could win. No victory could come to us in any +state where militant methods were tried. They are +undignified, unworthy--in other words, un-Ameri- +can. + +The Washington convention of 1910 was graced +by the presence of President Taft, who, at the in- +vitation of Mrs. Rachel Foster Avery, made an +address. It was understood, of course, that he was +to come out strongly for woman suffrage; but, to +our great disappointment, the President, a most +charming and likable gentleman, seemed unable +to grasp the significance of the occasion. He began +his address with fulsome praise of women, which was +accepted in respectful silence. Then he got round +to woman suffrage, floundered helplessly, became +confused, and ended with the most unfortunately +chosen words he could have uttered: ``I am op- +posed,'' he said, ``to the extension of suffrage to +women not fitted to vote. You would hardly expect +to put the ballot into the hands of barbarians or +savages in the jungle!'' + +The dropping of these remarkable words into a +suffrage convention was naturally followed by an +oppressive silence, which Mr. Taft, now wholly +bereft of his self-possession, broke by saying that +the best women would not vote and the worst women +would. + +In his audience were many women from suffrage +states--high-minded women, wives and mothers, +who had voted for Mr. Taft. The remarks to which +they had just listened must have seemed to them a +poor return. Some one hissed--some man, some +woman--no one knows which except the culprit-- +and a demonstration started which I immediately +silenced. Then the President finished his address. +He was very gracious to us when he left, shaking +hands with many of us, and being especially cordial +to Senator Owens's aged mother, who had come to +the convention to hear him make his maiden speech +on woman suffrage. I have often wondered what +he thought of that speech as he drove back to the +White House. Probably he regretted as earnestly +as we did that he had made it. + +In 1912, at an official board meeting at Bryn +Mawr, Mrs. Stanley McCormack was appointed +to fill a vacancy on the National Board. Sub- +sequently she contributed $6,000 toward the pay- +ment of debts incident to our temporary connec- +tion with the Woman's Journal of Boston, and did +much efficient work for us, To me, personally, +the entrance of Mrs. Stanley McCormack into +our work has been a source of the deepest grati- +fication and comfort. I can truly say of her what +Susan B. Anthony said of me, ``She is my right +bower.'' At Nashville, in 1914, she was elected first +vice-president, and to a remarkable degree she has +since relieved me of the burden of the technical +work of the presidency, including the oversight of +the work at headquarters. To this she gives all her +time, aided by an executive secretary who takes +charge of the routine work of the association. She +has thus made it possible for me to give the greater +part of my time to the field in which such inspiring +opportunities still confront us--campaign work in +the various states. + +To Mrs. Medill McCormack also we are indebted +for most admirable work and enthusiastic support. +At the Washington (D.C.) convention in 1913 she +was made the chairman of the Congressional Com- +mittee, with Mrs. Antoinette Funk, Mrs. Helen +Gardner of Washington, and Mrs. Booth of Chicago +as her assistants. The results they achieved were +so brilliant that they were unanimously re-elected +to the same positions this year, with the addition +of Miss Jeannette Rankin, whose energy and service +had helped to win for us the state of Montana. + +It was largely due to the work of this Congress- +ional Committee, supported by the large number of +states which had been won for suffrage, that we +secured such an excellent vote in the Lower House +of Congress on the bill to amend the national Con- +stitution granting suffrage to the women of the +United States. This measure, known as the Susan +B. Anthony bill, had been introduced into every +Congress for forty-three years by the National +Woman Suffrage Association. In 1914, for the +first time, it was brought out of committee, debated, +and voted upon in the Lower House. We received +174 votes in favor of it to 204 against it. The +previous spring, in the same Congress, the same bill +passed the Senate by 35 votes for it to 33 votes +against it. + +The most interesting features of the Washington +convention of 1913 were the labor mass-meetings +led by Jane Addams and the hearing before the +Rules Committee of the Lower House of Con- +gress--the latter the first hearing ever held be- +fore this Committee for the purpose of securing a +Committee on Suffrage in the Lower House to +correspond with a similar committee in the Sen- +ate. For many years we had had hearings be- +fore the Judiciary Committee of the Lower House, +which was such a busy committee that it had neither +time nor interest to give to our measure. We there- +fore considered it necessary to have a special com- +mittee of our own. The hearing began on the +morning of Wednesday, the third of December, and +lasted for two hours. Then the anti-suffragists were +given time, and their hearing began the following +day, continued throughout that day and during +the morning of the next day, when our National +Association was given an opportunity for rebuttal +argument in the afternoon. It was the longest hear- +ing in the history of the suffrage movement, and one +of the most important. + +During the session of Congress in 1914 another +strenuous effort was made to secure the appoint- +ment of a special suffrage committee in the Lower +House. But when success began to loom large be- +fore us the Democrats were called in caucus by the +minority leader, Mr. Underwood, of Alabama, and +they downed our measure by a vote of 127 against +it to 58 for it. This was evidently done by the +Democrats because of the fear that the united votes +of Republican and Progressive members, with those +of certain Democratic members, would carry the +measure; whereas if this caucus were called, and +an unfavorable vote taken, ``the gentlemen's agree- +ment'' which controls Democratic party action in +Congress would force Democrats in favor of suffrage +to vote against the appointment of the committee, +which of course would insure its defeat. + +The caucus blocked the appointment of the com- +mittee, but it gave great encouragement to the suf- +fragists of the country, for they knew it to be a tacit +admission that the measure would receive a favor- +able vote if it came before Congress unhampered. + +Another feature of the 1913 convention was the +new method of electing officers, by which a primary +vote was taken on nominations, and afterward a +regular ballot was cast; one officer was added to the +members of the official board, making nine instead +of eight, the former number. The new officers +elected were Mrs. Breckenridge of Kentucky, the +great-granddaughter of Henry Clay, and Mrs. +Catherine Ruutz-Rees of Greenwich, Connecticut. +The old officers were re-elected--Miss Jane Addams +as first vice-president, Mrs. Breckenridge and Mrs. +Ruutz-Rees as second and third vice-presidents, +Mrs. Mary Ware Dennett as corresponding secre- +tary, Mrs. Susan Fitzgerald as recording secretary, +Mrs. Stanley McCormack as treasurer, Mrs. Joseph +Bowen of Chicago and Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw of +New York City as auditors. + +It would be difficult to secure a group of women +of more marked ability, or better-known workers in +various lines of philanthropic and educational work, +than the members composing this admirable board. +At the convention of 1914, held in Nashville, several +of them resigned, and at present (in 1914) the +``National's'' affairs are in the hands of this in- +spiring group, again headed by the much-criticized +and chastened writer of these reminiscences: + +Mrs. Stanley McCormack, first vice-president. +Mrs. Desha Breckenridge, second vice-president. +Dr. Katharine B. Davis, third vice-president. +Mrs. Henry Wade Rogers, treasurer. +Mrs. John Clark, corresponding secretary. +Mrs. Susan Walker Fitzgerald, recording secretary. +Mrs. Medill McCormack, } + } Auditors +Mrs. Walter McNabb Miller, of Missouri } + + +In a book of this size, and covering the details +of my own life as well as the development of the +great Cause, it is, of course, impossible to mention +by name each woman who has worked for us-- +though, indeed, I would like to make a roll of honor +and give them all their due. In looking back I am sur- +prised to see how little I have said about many women +with whom I have worked most closely--Rachel +Foster Avery, for example, with whom I lived happily +for several years; Ida Husted Harper, the historian +of the suffrage movement and the biographer of Miss +Anthony, with whom I made many delightful voy- +ages to Europe; Alice Stone Blackwell, Rev. Mary +Saffard, Jane Addams, Katharine Waugh McCul- +lough, Ella Stewart, Mrs. Mary Wood Swift, Mrs. +Mary S. Sperry, Mary Cogshall, Florence Kelly, +Mrs. Ogden Mills Reid and Mrs. Norman White- +house (to mention only two of the younger ``live +wires'' in our New York work), Sophonisba Breck- +enridge, Mrs. Clara B. Arthur, Rev. Caroline Bart- +lett Crane, Mrs. James Lees Laidlaw, Mrs. Raymond +Brown, the splendidly executive president of our +New York State Suffrage Association, and my bene- +factress, Mrs. George Howard Lewis of Buffalo. To +all of them, and to thousands of others, I make my +grateful acknowledgment of indebtedness for friend- +ship and for help. + + + +XVI + +COUNCIL EPISODES + +I have said much of the interest attending the +international meetings held in Chicago, London, +Berlin, and Stockholm. That I have said less about +those in Copenhagen, Geneva, The Hague, Budapest, +and other cities does not mean that these were less +important, and certainly the wonderful women +leaders of Europe who made them so brilliant must +not be passed over in silence. + +First, however, the difference between the Suf- +frage Alliance meetings and the International Coun- +cil meetings should be explained. The Council +meetings are made up of societies from the various +nations which are auxiliary to the International +Council--these societies representing all lines of +women's activities, whether educational, industrial, +or social, while the membership, including more +than eleven million women, represents probably the +largest organization of women in the world. The +International Suffrage Alliance represents the suf- +frage interest primarily, whereas the International +Council has only a suffrage department. So popu- +lar did this International Alliance become after its +formation in Berlin by Mrs. Catt, in 1904, that at +the Copenhagen meeting, only three years later, +more than sixteen different nations were represented +by regular delegates. + +It was unfortunate, therefore, that I chose this +occasion to make a spectacular personal failure in +the pulpit. I had been invited to preach the con- +vention sermon, and for the first time in my life +I had an interpreter. Few experiences, I believe, +can be more unpleasant than to stand up in a pul- +pit, utter a remark, and then wait patiently while it +is repeated in a tongue one does not understand, by +a man who is putting its gist in his own words and +quite possibly giving it his own interpretative twist. +I was very unhappy, and I fear I showed it, for I +felt, as I looked at the faces of those friends who +understood Danish, that they were not getting what +I was giving them. Nor were they, for I afterward +learned that the interpreter, a good orthodox +brother, had given the sermon an ultra-orthodox +bias which those who knew my creed certainly did +not recognize. The whole experience greatly dis- +heartened me, but no doubt it was good for my +soul. + +During the Copenhagen meeting we were given +a banquet by the City Council, and in the course of +his speech of welcome one of the city fathers airily +remarked that he hoped on our next visit to Copen- +hagen there would be women members in the Council +to receive us. At the time this seemed merely a +pleasant jest, but two years from that day a bill +was enacted by Parliament granting municipal suf- +frage to the women of Denmark, and seven women +were elected to the City Council of Copenhagen. +So rapidly does the woman suffrage movement grow +in these inspiring days! + +Recalling the International Council of 1899 in +London, one of my most vivid pictures has Queen +Victoria for its central figure. The English court +was in mourning at the time and no public audiences +were being held; but we were invited to Windsor +with the understanding that, although the Queen +could not formally receive us, she would pass +through our lines, receiving Lady Aberdeen and +giving the rest of us an opportunity to courtesy +and obtain Her Majesty's recognition of the Cause. +The Queen arranged with her chamberlain that we +should be given tea and a collation; but before this +refreshment was served, indeed immediately after +our arrival, she entered her familiar little pony-cart +and was driven slowly along lines of bowing women +who must have looked like a wheat-field in a high +wind. + +Among us was a group of Indian women, and +these, dressed in their native costumes, contributed +a picturesque bit of brilliant color to the scene as +they deeply salaamed. They arrested the eye of +the Queen, who stopped and spoke a few cordial +words to them. This gave the rest of us an excellent +opportunity to observe her closely, and I admit that +my English blood stirred in me suddenly and loyally +as I studied the plump little figure. She was dressed +entirely and very simply in black, with a quaint +flat black hat and a black cape. The only bit +of color about her was a black-and-white parasol +with a gold handle. It was, however, her face which +held me, for it gave me a wholly different impression +of the Queen from those I had received from her +photographs. Her pictured eyes were always rather +cold, and her pictured face rather haughty; but there +was a very sweet and winning softness in the eyes +she turned upon the Indian women, and her whole +expression was unexpectedly gentle and benignant. +Behind her, as a personal attendant, strode an +enormous East-Indian in full native costume, and +closely surrounding her were gentlemen of her house- +hold, each in uniform. + +By this time my thoughts were on my courtesy, +which I desired to make conventional if not grace- +ful; but nature has not made it easy for me to +double to the earth as Lady Aberdeen and the In- +dian women were doing, and I fear I accomplished +little save an exhibition of good intentions. The +Queen, however, was getting into the spirit of the +occasion. She stopped to speak to a Canadian +representative, and she would, I think, have ended +by talking to many others; but, just at the psycho- +logical moment, a woman rushed out of the line, +seized Her Majesty's hand and kissed it--and Vic- +toria, startled and possibly fearing a general on- +slaught, hurriedly passed on. + +Another picture I recall was made by the Duchess +of Sutherland, the Countess of Aberdeen, and the +Countess of Warwick standing together to receive +us at the foot of the marble stairway in Sutherland +House. All of them literally blazed with jewels, and +the Countess of Aberdeen wore the famous Aber- +deen emerald. At Lady Battersea's reception I had +my first memorial meeting with Mary Anderson +Navarro, and was able to thank her for the pleasure +she had given me in Boston so long ago. Then I +reproached her mildly for taking herself away from +us, pointing out that a great gift had been given +her which she should have continued to share with +the world. + +``Come and see my baby,'' laughed Madame +Navarro. ``That's the best argument I can offer +to refute yours.'' + +At the same reception I had an interesting talk +with James Bryce. He had recently written his +American Commonwealth, and I had just read it. +It was, therefore, the first subject I introduced in +our conversation. Mr. Bryce's comment amused +me. He told me he had quite changed his opinion +toward the suffrage aspirations of women, because +so many women had read his book that he really +believed they were intelligent, and he had come to +feel much more kindly toward them. These were +not his exact words, but his meaning was unmistak- +able and his mental attitude artlessly sincere. And, +on reflection, I agree with him that the American +Commonwealth is something of an intellectual hurdle +for the average human mind. + +In 1908 the International Council was held in +Geneva, and here, for the first time, we were shown, +as entertainment, the dances of a country--the +scene being an especially brilliant one, as all the +dancers wore their native costumes. Also, for the +first time in the history of Geneva, the buildings of +Parliament were opened to women and a woman's +organization was given the key to the city. At +that time the Swiss women were making their fight +for a vote in church matters, and we helped their +cause as much as we could. To-day many Swiss +women are permitted to exercise this right--the +first political privilege free Switzerland has given +them. + +The International Alliance meeting in Amster- +dam in 1909 was the largest held up to that time, +and much of its success was due to Dr. Aletta Jacobs, +the president of the National Suffrage Association +of Holland. Dr. Jacobs had some wonderful helpers +among the women of her country, and she herself +was an ideal leader--patient, enthusiastic, and tire- +less. That year the governments of Australia, Nor- +way, and Finland paid the expenses of the delegates +from those countries--a heartening innovation. One +of the interesting features of the meeting was a +cantata composed for the occasion and given by +the Queen's Royal Band, under the direction of a +woman--Catharine van Rennes, one of the most +distinguished composers and teachers in Holland. +She wrote both words and music of her cantata and +directed it admirably; and the musicians of the +Queen's Band entered fully into its spirit and played +like men inspired. That night we had more music, +as well as a never-to-be-forgotten exhibition of folk- +dancing. + +The same year, in June, we held the meeting of +the International Council in Toronto, and, as Canada +has never been eagerly interested in suffrage, an un- +successful effort was made to exclude this subject +from the programme. I was asked to preside at the +suffrage meetings on the artless and obvious theory +that I would thus be kept too busy to say much. +I had hoped that the Countess of Aberdeen, who was +the president of the International Council, would take +the chair; but she declined to do this, or even to +speak, as the Earl of Aberdeen had recently been +appointed Viceroy of Ireland, and she desired to +spare him any embarrassment which might be +caused by her public activities. We recognized the +wisdom of her decision, but, of course, regretted +it; and I was therefore especially pleased when, on +suffrage night, the countess, accompanied by her +aides in their brilliant uniforms, entered the hall. +We had not been sure that she would be with us, +but she entered in her usual charming and gra- +cious manner, took a seat beside me on the platform, +and showed a deep interest in the programme and +the great gathering before us. + +As the meeting went on I saw that she was grow- +ing more and more enthusiastic, and toward the +end of the evening I quietly asked her if she did +not wish to say a few words. She said she would +say a very few. I had put myself at the end of the +programme, intending to talk about twenty minutes; +but before beginning my speech I introduced the +countess, and by this time she was so enthusiastic +that, to my great delight, she used up my twenty +minutes in a capital speech in which she came out +vigorously for woman suffrage. It gave us the best +and timeliest help we could have had, and was a +great impetus to the movement. + +In London, at the Alliance Council of 1911, we +were entertained for the first time by a suffrage +organization of men, and by the organized actresses +of the nation, as well as by the authors. + +In Stockholm, the following year, we listened to +several of the most interesting women speakers in +the world--Selma Lagerlof, who had just received +the Nobel prize, Rosica Schwimmer of Hungary, +Dr. Augsburg of Munich, and Mrs. Philip Snowden +of England. Miss Schwimmer and Mrs. Snowden +have since become familiar to American audiences, +but until that time I had not heard either of them, +and I was immensely impressed by their ability and +their different methods--Miss Schwimmer being all +force and fire, alive from her feet to her finger-tips, +Mrs. Snowden all quiet reserve and dignity. Dr. +Augsburg wore her hair short and dressed in a most +eccentric manner; but we forgot her appearance as +we listened to her, for she was an inspired speaker. + +Selma Lagerlof's speech made the great audience +weep. Men as well as women openly wiped their +eyes as she described the sacrifice and suffering of +Swedish women whose men had gone to America +to make a home there, and who, when they were +left behind, struggled alone, waiting and hoping for +the message to join their husbands, which too often +never came. The speech made so great an impres- +sion that we had it translated and distributed among +the Swedes of the United States wherever we held +meetings in Swedish localities. + +Miss Lagerlof interested me extremely, and I was +delighted by an invitation to breakfast with her one +morning. At our first meeting she had seemed +rather cold and shy--a little ``difficult,'' as we say; +but when we began to talk I found her frank, cor- +dial, and full of magnetism. She is self-conscious +about her English, but really speaks our language +very well. Her great interest at the time was in +improving the condition of the peasants near her +home. She talked of this work and of her books +and of the Council programme with such friendly in- +timacy that when we parted I felt that I had always +known her. + +At the Hague Council in 1913 I was the guest of +Mrs. Richard Halter, to whom I am also indebted +for a beautiful and wonderful motor journey from +end to end of Holland, bringing up finally in Amster- +dam at the home of Dr. Aletta Jacobs. Here we +met two young Holland women, Miss Boissevain and +Rosa Manus, both wealthy, both anxious to help +their countrywomen, but still a little uncertain as +to the direction of their efforts. They came to Mrs. +Catt and me and asked our advice as to what they +should do, with the result that later they organized +and put through, largely unaided, a national ex- +position showing the development of women's work +from 1813 to 1913. The suffrage-room at this ex- +position showed the progress of suffrage in all parts +of the world; but when the Queen of Holland visited +the building she expressed a wish not to be detained +in this room, as she was not interested in suffrage. +The Prince Consort, however, spent much time in it, +and wanted the whole suffrage movement explained +to him, which was done cheerfully and thoroughly +by Miss Boissevain and Miss Manus. The fol- +lowing winter, when the Queen read her address +from the throne, she expressed an interest in so +changing the Constitution of Holland that suffrage +might possibly be extended to women. We felt that +this change of heart was due to the suffrage-room +arranged by our two young friends--aided, prob- +ably, by a few words from the Prince Consort! + +Immediately after these days at Amsterdam we +started for Budapest to attend the International +Alliance Convention there, and incidentally we in- +dulged in a series of two-day conventions en route-- +one at Berlin, one at Dresden, one at Prague, and +one at Vienna. At Prague I disgraced myself by +being in my hotel room in a sleep of utter exhaustion +at the hour when I was supposed to be responding +to an address of welcome by the mayor; and the +high-light of the evening session in that city falls on +the intellectual brow of a Bohemian lady who in- +sisted on making her address in the Czech language, +which she poured forth for exactly one hour and +fifteen minutes. I began my address at a quarter of +twelve and left the hall at midnight. Later I learned +that the last speaker began her remarks at a quarter +past one in the morning. + +It may be in order to add here that Vienna did +for me what Berlin had done for Susan B. Anthony-- +it gave me the ovation of my life. At the conclusion +of my speech the great audience rose and, still stand- +ing, cheered for many minutes. I was immensely +surprised and deeply touched by the unexpected +tribute; but any undue elation I might have ex- +perienced was checked by the memory of the skepti- +cal snort with which one of my auditors had received +me. He was very German, and very, very frank. +After one pained look at me he rose to leave the +hall. + +``THAT old woman!'' he exclaimed. ``She cannot +make herself heard.'' + +He was half-way down the aisle when the opening +words of my address caught up with him and stopped +him. Whatever their meaning may have been, it +was at least carried to the far ends of that great hall, +for the old fellow had piqued me a bit and I had +given my voice its fullest volume. He crowded into +an already over-occupied pew and stared at me with +goggling eyes. + +``Mein Gott!'' he gasped. ``Mein Gott, she could +be heard ANYWHERE.'' + +The meeting at Budapest was a great personal +triumph for Mrs. Catt. No one, I am sure, but the +almost adored president of the International Suf- +frage Alliance could have controlled a convention +made up of women of so many different nationalities, +with so many different viewpoints, while the con- +fusion of languages made a general understanding +seem almost hopeless. But it was a great success in +every way--and a delightful feature of it was the +hospitality of the city officials and, indeed, of the +whole Hungarian people. After the convention I +spent a week with the Contessa Iska Teleki in her +chateau in the Tatra Mountains, and a friendship +was there formed which ever since has been a joy +to me. Together we walked miles over the moun- +tains and along the banks of wonderful streams, while +the countess, who knows all the folk-lore of her +land, told me stories and answered my innumerable +questions. When I left for Vienna I took with me +a basket of tiny fir-trees from the tops of the Tatras; +and after carrying the basket to and around Vienna, +Florence, and Genoa, I finally got the trees home in +good condition and proudly added them to the +``Forest of Arden'' on my place at Moylan. + + + + +XVII + +VALE! + +In looking back over the ten years of my adminis- +tration as president of the National American +Woman Suffrage Association, there can be no feeling +but gratitude and elation over the growth of the +work. Our membership has grown from 17,000 +women to more than 200,000, and the number +of auxiliary societies has increased in propor- +tion. + +Instead of the old-time experience of one campaign +in ten years, we now have from five to ten campaigns +each year. From an original yearly expenditure of +$14,000 or $15,000 in our campaign work, we now +expend from $40,000 to $50,000. In New York, in +1915, we have already received pledges of $150,000 +for the New York State campaign alone, while +Pennsylvania, Massachusetts, and New Jersey have +made pledges in proportion. + +In 1906 full suffrage prevailed in four states; +we now have it in twelve. Our movement has +advanced from its academic stage until it has +become a vital political factor; no reform in the +country is more heralded by the press or receives +more attention from the public. It has become +an issue which engages the attention of the entire +nation--and toward this result every woman work- +ing for the Cause has contributed to an inspiring +degree. Splendid team-work, and that alone, has +made our present success possible and our eventual +triumph in every state inevitable. Every officer +in our organization, every leader in our campaigns, +every speaker, every worker in the ranks, however +humble, has done her share. + +I do not claim anything so fantastic and Utopian +as universal harmony among us. We have had our +troubles and our differences. I have had mine. +At every annual convention since the one at Wash- +ington in 1910 there has been an effort to depose +me from the presidency. There have been some +splendid fighters among my opponents--fine and +high-minded women who sincerely believe that at +sixty-eight I am getting too old for my big job. +Possibly I am. Certainly I shall resign it with +alacrity when the majority of women in the organiza- +tion wish me to do so. At present a large majority +proves annually that it still has faith in my leader- +ship, and with this assurance I am content to +work on. + +Looking back over the period covered by these +reminiscences, I realize that there is truth in the +grave charge that I am no longer young; and this +truth was once voiced by one of my little nieces in +a way that brought it strongly home to me. She +and her small sister of six had declared themselves +suffragettes, and as the first result of their conver- +sion to the Cause both had been laughed at by their +schoolmates. The younger child came home after +this tragic experience, weeping bitterly and declar- +ing that she did not wish to be a suffragette any +more--an exhibition of apostasy for which her wise +sister of eight took her roundly to task. + +``Aren't you ashamed of yourself,'' she demanded, +``to stop just because you have been laughed at +once? Look at Aunt Anna! SHE has been laughed +at for hundreds of years!'' + +I sometimes feel that it has indeed been hundreds +of years since my work began; and then again it +seems so brief a time that, by listening for a +moment, I fancy I can hear the echo of my child- +ish-voice preaching to the trees in the Michigan +woods. + +But long or short, the one sure thing is that, taking +it all in all, the struggles, the discouragements, the +failures, and the little victories, the fight has been, +as Susan B. Anthony said in her last hours, ``worth +while.'' Nothing bigger can come to a human being +than to love a great Cause more than life itself, and +to have the privilege throughout life of working for +that Cause. + +As for life's other gifts, I have had some of them, +too. I have made many friendships; I have looked +upon the beauty of many lands; I have the assur- +ance of the respect and affection of thousands of +men and women I have never even met. Though I +have given all I had, I have received a thousand +times more than I have given. Neither the world +nor my Cause is indebted to me but from the depths +of a full and very grateful heart I acknowledge my +lasting indebtedness to them both. + +THE END + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Story of a Pioneer + + diff --git a/old/stpio10.zip b/old/stpio10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ab5831 --- /dev/null +++ b/old/stpio10.zip |