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diff --git a/35574.txt b/35574.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a9189f5 --- /dev/null +++ b/35574.txt @@ -0,0 +1,3791 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Seeing France with Uncle John, by Anne Warner + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Seeing France with Uncle John + +Author: Anne Warner + +Illustrator: May Wilson Preston + +Release Date: March 14, 2011 [EBook #35574] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEEING FRANCE WITH UNCLE JOHN *** + + + + +Produced by Hazel Batey, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + + + Transcribers note: + 1. A minor error has been corrected in Chapter V + (Section on Beauvais) luuch changed to lunch. + 2. Ligature [oe] replaced with oe. + + + + + _Seeing France With Uncle John_ + + + + + [Illustration: "I held the guide-book and read the explanations, while + he kept up a running contradiction of everything I read."] + + + * * * * * + + + _Seeing France With Uncle John_ + + _By_ + + _Anne Warner_ + + _Author of "Susan Clegg and her friend Mrs. Lathrop," etc._ + + _With Illustrations by_ + + _May Wilson Preston_ + + [Illustration] + + _New York The Century Co. 1906_ + + + * * * * * + + + Copyright, 1906, by THE CENTURY CO. + + _Published October, 1906_ + + THE DE VINNE PRESS + + + + +_List of Illustrations_ + + + PAGE + "I held the guide-book and read the explanations, + while he kept up a running contradiction of + everything I read" _Frontispiece_ + + "She lies still and talks to M. Sibilet" 8 + + "While we walk" 9 + + Rouen--Maison du XV siecle 24 + + "'Richard Coeur-de-Lion--petrified, eh?'" 33 + + "'So that's the clock?'" 41 + + "'There's been no tampering with _this_ ruin'" 65 + + "'This is as good a time as we'll have to study up on Gisors'" 79 + + "'Tell her we want dinner for four, and prompt'" 93 + + Beauvais 96 + + "'What's that chopped-off creation before us?'" 99 + + "'Look how mad that old lady is'" 105 + + "We found our beloved relative" 116 + + "She took hold of our hands as if she'd been our long-lost + mother for years" 121 + + Dreux 150 + + "Elfrida says they are seeing Europe nicely on less than a + dollar a day, and Uncle said, 'Great Scott!'" 157 + + Falaise 160 + + "Paid the man at the entrance and let him go" 163 + + "The coming down was awful" 168 + + "'I'm happy that it will be out of the question for me ever to + travel again'" 177 + + "Lee was awfully rude and kept yawning, and I know she didn't + like it by the way she looked at him" 195 + + Caen 198 + + "He has his meals in his room, for he says he cannot even think + calmly of a stair-case yet" 205 + + Bayeux 216 + + "And it was Lee" 221 + + "We passed Elfrida and her sister to-day, pedaling along for + dear life" 228 + + "Miss Clara Emily is getting very much in earnest" 245 + + In Mont-Saint-Michel 276 + + "Uncle sitting on the ramparts with Miss Clara Emily" 281 + + "Mrs. Whalen has just come in to say she is going to Dol" 293 + + A Street in Auray 301 + + "When he went to wash I gave the waiter an extra tip to feed + us quickly" 303 + + "Broke the bell-rope ordering breakfast" 307 + + "He told Mrs. Clary that he had foreseen this finale to our + trip all along," etc. 315 + + + + +_Seeing France With Uncle John_ + + + * * * * * + + +Seeing France With Uncle John + + + + +I + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Second day out at sea._ + +Dear Mama: We did get off at last, about four in the afternoon, but you +never imagined anything like the day we had with Uncle John. It was +awful, and, as luck would have it, he just happened to go aft or +sou'west, or whatever it is on shipboard, in time to see them drop his +trunk into the hold, and they let it fall from such a height that he +swore for an hour. I don't see why Uncle is so unreasonable; a Russian +gentleman had the locks broken to both his trunks and just smiled, and a +very lovely Italian lady had her trunk caved in by the hoisting-rope and +only shrugged her shoulders; but Uncle turned the whole deck fairly +black and blue on account of a little fall into the hold. If Lee had +only been along to soothe him down! But Lee is in London by this time. I +do think he might have waited and gone with us, but Uncle says he's glad +he didn't, because he says he has more than half an idea that Lee's in +love with me, and that no girl alive could be happy with him. I wish +Uncle liked Lee better. I wish Lee wouldn't slap him on the back and +call him "old boy" the way he does. + +Mrs. Clary doesn't like it because she has to sit next to the doctor and +talk English to him, and he can't talk English. She says whenever she +goes on board a liner the doctor always spots her as intelligent-looking, +and has her put next to him for English purposes. She says she's made +seven trips as nursery-governess to a doctor with linguistic aspirations. +The consequence is, she has most of her meals on deck with a man named +Mr. Chopstone. Uncle doesn't like Mr. Chopstone, because he says he has +a sneaking suspicion that Mr. Chopstone admires Edna. He says Edna could +never be happy with a man like Mr. Chopstone. + +More later. + + + _Fourth day out._ + +I've been writing Lee; I can mail it at Plymouth. It does seem to me as +if Lee might have waited and gone with us. + +We are nicely adjusted now, and Uncle has had his trunk brought to his +room, and has examined the corners and found them intact; so now the +trunk is off his mind. But he has almost had fits over a man named +Monsieur Sibilet, so the situation has been about as brimstony as ever. +M. Sibilet is a Frenchman going back to France, but his chair is next to +Mrs. Clary's, and Uncle says steamer-chairs are never accidents, but +are always premeditated and with intent to kill. He asked Mrs. Clary if +she couldn't see that no woman could ever be happy with a dancing +fan-tan like Sibilet. We didn't know what a "fan-tan" was, but we all +agreed with Uncle's premises as to poor monsieur; and then it developed +that there is a Mme. Sibilet deathly sick down below, and Uncle said +that he had known it all the time and was only joking. + +Edna and Harry are very happy, but they have to be awfully careful, +because Uncle says he has a half-fledged notion that Harry is paying +attention to Edna, and that he won't allow anything of the kind--not for +one York second. We don't know what a "York second" is, and we haven't +asked. Uncle plays poker nights, and we make the most of it. There is a +nice Yale man on board, and I walk around with him. His name is Edgar. +Uncle says he looks as if he had his bait out for a fortune, but Mrs. +Clary says to never mind it--to go right on walking. She lies still +while we walk, and talks to M. Sibilet in French. + +[Illustration: "She lies still and talks to M. Sibilet"] + +Uncle says he is the head of this expedition, and there's to be no +foolishness. He says it's all rot about a man not being able to see +through women, and that Edna and I needn't expect to keep any secrets +from him. I do wish Lee was here to soothe him down. He was so furious +to-day because he shut up his wash-stand and let the tooth-powder slide +to perdition. M. Sibilet offered him an extra box of his own, but Uncle +wasn't a bit grateful. He says he is sure M. Sibilet is in love with +Mrs. Clary now, or why under the sun should he offer him his +tooth-powder? He says he thinks it's disgraceful, considering poor Mme. +Sibilet, and he took mine instead. + +More later. + +[Illustration: "While we walk"] + + + _Sixth day out._ + +I do wish we were in Havre, or anywhere where Uncle had more room. The +third officer invited him up on the bridge yesterday, and Uncle says you +needn't tell him that any third officer in this world ever would invite +him up to the bridge unless he had his eye on Edna or me. Uncle says for +Edna and me to remember that old uncles have eyes as well as young third +officers, and to bear in mind that it would be a dog's life to be +married to a third officer. I'm beginning to be very glad, indeed, that +Lee took another steamer; I reckon Lee saw how it would be. Uncle says +he'd like to know what we took a slow steamer for, anyhow. He says it +would have been more comfortable to have all been in death agonies and +to have been in Havre by this time. He was terribly upset to-day by Mme. +Sibilet's coming on deck and proving to be an old lady with white hair +and the mother of monsieur instead of the wife. He says you needn't talk +to him about French honor after this. We don't know what the connection +is between poor old Mme. Sibilet and French honor, but we think it best +not to ask. The truth is, Uncle lost all patience with M. Sibilet the +day it rained and pitched--I think it was the third day out. He never +did like him very much, anyhow. Mrs. Clary wanted to sit in the wind +that day, and she and monsieur sat in the wind until the rain grew so +bad that they were absolutely driven to come around and sit by Uncle, +under the lee of the port, or whatever it is on board ship. Monsieur +lugged Mrs. Clary's chair because he couldn't find a steward, and he +brought it around by the smoking-room and the whole length of the deck, +with the steamer pitching so that half the time he was on top of the +chair, and the other half of the time the chair was on top of him. There +was no one on deck but us, on account of the storm, and I thought we +should die laughing, because there were forty empty chairs under shelter +already. Uncle waited until, with a final slip and a slide, the poor man +landed the chair, and then he screamed: "I say, Sibbilly, just take the +cards out and change _them_ another time. That's the way we Americans +do." + +You should have seen poor monsieur's face! Uncle said the whole affair +gave him a queer feeling as to what might be in store for us in France. +He said if M. Sibilet was a sample Frenchman, he thought he wouldn't get +off at Havre, after all. + +Mrs. Clary is in lots of trouble over the doctor. He comes up on deck +and bothers her half to death, talking English. She can't understand his +English, and M. Sibilet gets tired translating. M. Sibilet speaks seven +languages. Uncle says that's nothing to his credit, however. + +More later. + + + _Ninth day out._ + +Uncle is in high spirits to-day, for he won the pool. He has been so +disgusted because Mr. Edgar has won it three times. Uncle says that's no +sign he'd be a good husband, though. I do think Uncle's logic is so very +peculiar. He came into my state-room to-day and asked me if I didn't +think the doctor was absolutely impertinent in the way he was pursuing +Mrs. Clary. You'd have thought the doctor tore after her around the +deck, to hear him. He said he expected to have trouble with Edna and me, +but he never looked for Mrs. Clary to be a care. He said he didn't +suppose she was over forty, but she ought to consider appearances more. +He was quite put out, and I am gladder than ever that Lee isn't with us. + +We laughed ourselves half sick to-day over Mr. Chopstone. Uncle's +port-hole doesn't work very easily, and Mr. Chopstone heard him talking +about it to himself as he passed in the corridor, and he went in to help +him. Uncle asked Mr. Chopstone if he had a crow-bar or a monkey-wrench +with him, and Mr. Chopstone didn't have a crow-bar or a monkey-wrench +with him, but said why not ring for the steward. Uncle wouldn't hear to +the steward, and so they climbed on the divan together and tried to pry +it with Uncle's hair-brush. + +The hair-brush broke, and Uncle went spinning, but Mr. Chopstone caught +his cuff in the crack, and it tore, and half of his shirt-sleeve with a +diamond cuff-link went to sea. At first we all felt awful about it, but +he was so composed that Edna said he must be a millionaire, and Uncle +said it must be a paste diamond. That is all only preliminary to the +funny part. This afternoon we were lying in our chairs and Uncle was +standing by the rail looking at a ship. All of a sudden he exclaimed, +"Great Scott! Chopstone, if there isn't your cuff!" Mr. Chopstone made +just one bound from his chair to the rail, and looked over so hard that +his cap fell into the sea. Of course the mere idea of the cuff having +sailed as fast as we did all day used us up completely, and Uncle in +particular had to hang to the rail for support while he sort of wove +back and forth in an ecstasy of speechless joy. Even M. Sibilet was +overcome by mirth, although it turned out afterward that he thought the +fun was on account of the lost cap. And then, when we got ourselves +selves under control once more, Mr. Chopstone explained that what he had +thought was that the cuff had caught somewhere on the outside of the +steamer and that Uncle saw it hanging there. Edna says that it all +shows that poor Mr. Chopstone is _not_ a millionaire, and Mrs. Clary +says it proves, too, that it _was_ a real diamond. + +It is beginning to seem like a pretty long trip, and Mrs. Clary has +started packing her trunk. The little flag that marks our progress +across the chart is making Europe in great jumps, and we are all glad. +Uncle gets more restless every day, and he says if the doctor don't quit +coming up on deck to talk to Mrs. Clary, something will soon drop. The +doctor is really very amusing; he says the first officer has a pet +"marmadillo," but we cannot see it because it is too anxious. He means +"frightened," it seems. Mr. Edgar is very nice; both he and Mr. +Chopstone are going to Paris. Lee will be in Paris by Wednesday, I +hope, and I most sincerely trust he will keep on the right side of +Uncle. + +They say we will land early day after to-morrow. I can mail my letters +in Plymouth to-morrow evening. Uncle says he's going express hereafter; +he says no more dilly-dally voyages for him. + + + _Tenth day out._ + +What do you think! Uncle took me into the parlor after dinner to-night +and told me that he wasn't going to Paris with the rest. He says he +didn't come abroad to scurry around like a wild rabbit, and that he's +going to stop in Havre for a day or two. He says Edna and I had better +stay with him, as he can't think of our traveling with Mr. Edgar and +Mr. Chopstone alone. I said, "But there's Mrs. Clary." And he said, +"Yes; but you forget Sibbilly." I do think Uncle's logic is so +remarkable. + + + _Eleventh day out._ + +Everybody is getting their trunks in from the baggage-room and running +to the rail to look at ships. Uncle won the pool again to-day; he says +this is one of the pleasantest trips he ever made, and he shook hands +with M. Sibilet when he met him on deck this morning. + +Mrs. Clary is awfully upset over our staying in Havre, and she says if +Lee is in Paris he won't like it, either. We expect a mail in Plymouth. + + + _Later._ + +The mail came, and I had a letter from Lee. He is going to Russia for a +week, and he folded in an extra piece, saying to give Uncle the letter. +It was a funny kind of letter, but of course it had to be a funny kind +of letter if I was to give it to Uncle. I gave it to Uncle, and he said, +"Hum!" and that was all. He says if Mr. Edgar or Mr. Chopstone stay in +Havre he'll know the reason why. I do think Uncle might be more +reasonable. Edna has been crying. She doesn't want to stay in Havre; +she wants to go to Paris when Harry goes. + + Yours with love, as ever, + YVONNE. + + + + +II + +UNCLE JOHN IN ROUEN + + + 9 A.M. + +"Well, girls, are you ready to get up and out and set about improving +your minds? I've been reading the guide-book and spilling my coffee with +trying to do two things at once, ever since eight o'clock. But what your +Uncle John doesn't know about Rouen now isn't worth stopping to look up +in the index. Why, I've even got the real French twang to the +pronunciation. It's Rooank; only you stop short of the 'n' and the 'k,' +so to speak. The waiter who brought my breakfast showed me how to do +it--said he never saw a foreigner catch on to the trick so quick before. +I gave him one of those slim little quarters they have here, and he was +so pleased that he taught me how to say 'Joan of Arc' for nothing. It's +Shondark--_Shondark_. I learned it in no time. Well, come on, if you're +ready. I've been waiting almost an hour. + +[Illustration: Rouen--Maison du XV siecle] + +"I declare, but this fresh, free atmosphere is refreshing! As soon as +you get outside of your bedroom door you begin to get the full benefit +of the Continental climate. I presume, if you're poor, you get it as +soon as you get outside of your bed clothes. Rather a medieval +staircase, eh? And four orange-trees at the bottom to try and fool us +into feeling balmy. However, I don't mind little discomforts: all I mind +is being shut up on a ship with a darned fool like that man Sibbilly. I +shouldn't wonder if his mother was his wife, after all. I could believe +anything of him. I didn't like him. + +"We'll go to take in the cathedral first; it isn't far, and I've got it +all by heart. Thirteenth century and unsymmetrical--you must remember +that. There, that's it ahead there--with the scaffolding. They're +bolstering it up somewhat, so as to keep on hooking tourists, I presume. +The biggest tower is the Butter Tower, built out of paid-for permissions +to eat butter in Lent. Rather a rough joke, its being so much the +biggest, isn't it? The whole cathedral's lopsided from eating butter, so +to speak. I believe it's the thing to stop in front and act as if you +were overcome; so we'll just call a halt here and take in the general +effect of the scaffolding. + +"Now we'll walk around the whole thing. I haven't come abroad to take +life with a hop, skip, and jump; I've come to be thorough, and I want +you girls to form the habit of being thorough, too. What I didn't like +about that fellow Edgar was his not being thorough. When he went down to +look at the ship's machinery he only stayed an hour. Now, I didn't go at +all; but if I had gone, I should have stayed more than an hour. Good job +of scaffolding, isn't it? You see, they make the scaffolding out of +young trees withed together, and use them over and over. Economical. +Just about what you'd expect of Sibbilly. Those gargoyles and saints +around the top stick their heads out pretty interested-like, don't they? +But their view is for the most part blocked. Now this cheerful old jail +at the back is the palace of the archbishop. I wish, young ladies, that +you would note those little bits of high windows and the good thick bars +across them as illustrating the secure faith that the dead and gone +archbishops had in their loving people. I'll bet there's been plenty of +battering and rioting around under these walls, first and last; plenty +of fists and sticks and stones. It's big, isn't it? Big as half a block, +and things look so much bigger here than they do at home. They slide a +roof up slanting and cock it full of little crooked windows, and you +feel as if you must tip over backward to take in the top. I vow, I don't +just see how it's done; but--oh, here's where we go in. This dark, damp +little stone-paved alley is the celebrated 'Portail des Libraires,' so +called because those arcades used to be full of book-stalls. We go along +on the cobble-stones, throw ourselves hard against this little swinging +door; it creaks, it yields, we enter--hush! + +"Great Scott, isn't it big, and _isn't_ it damp? Will you look up in +that roof? I feel solemn in spite of myself; but, then, feeling solemn +is no use: what we want to do is to find some one to open those big iron +gates, for the most of what is to see is in back there. Edna, you ask +that man how we can get hold of some other man. Well, what did he say? +Said to ask the Swiss, did he? What does he mean by that? Is it a joke, +or can't they trust a Frenchman with their old relics? I've been told +that in Japanese banks they always have to have a Chinaman to handle the +money, and maybe it's equally the thing in a French cathedral to have a +Swiss look after the relics. But the guide-book never said a word about +a Swiss: it said '_fee_,' and I've got my pocket full of them. + +"Well, where can we get a Swiss? I should think he'd be more handy than +he appears to be. There's another man looking for him, too. He--Great +Scott! if it isn't--no, that is impossible. Yes, it is! + +"I beg your pardon, sir, but is your name Porter? Yes? Robert +Porter--Bobby Porter that went to the Washington School? Bob, do you +remember me? Well, of all the larks! + +"Girls, this man and I went to school side by side for eight years, and +he's the finest--my nieces, Bob. That's Edna and this is Yvonne, +and--you don't say he's your son? Didn't know you ever married. Oh, I'll +take your word for it, of course; but, I say, Bob, you've got to come +and dine with us to-night. You must; I won't have it any other way. You +and I'll have to just sit down and overhaul all our old memories +together. Do you remember--but how do you come to be in Europe, anyhow; +and what liner did you line up on? We had a beastly trip,--only came +from Havre last night,--and, by the way, how in thunder can we get hold +of the man who opens these iron gates? Everything in the place is back +there. + +"Is that a Swiss--that splendid circus-chariot driver? Give you my word, +I thought he was a cardinal! How much of a tip is that much gold lace +going to look forward to getting? I wish he was plainer, somehow. I'll +tell you, Bob; you pay, and I'll settle up later. I certainly am glad to +see the gates open; I felt more like a serpent shut out of paradise than +I ever expected to feel in all my life. + +"Well, now we begin. Who's buried here? Henry II of England, eh? I +can't read Latin, so Henry's virtues and dates are all one to me. Which +Henry was he, anyhow--the one with six wives or the one who never shed a +smile? Either way, let's move on. + +"What comes next? Richard-Coeur-de-Lion--petrified, eh? Oh, only a statue +of him; that's less interesting. I thought at last I was looking at +Richard when he was himself again. What is our Swiss friend hissing +about? Heart buried underneath? Whose heart?--Richard's? Ask if it's his +bona fide heart or only a death-mask of it? Strikes me as a pretty big +statue to put up to a heart, don't you think, Bob? But come on; I want +to be looking at something else. + +[Illustration: "'Richard Coeur-de-Lion--petrified, eh?'"] + +"So this is the tomb of the husband of Diana of Poitiers? I didn't know +she ever had a husband--thought she only had a king. I've never been +brought up to think of Diana of Poitiers mourning a husband. But maybe +she did, maybe she did. They say you must check your common sense at the +hotel when you set out to inspect Europe, and I believe it--I believe +it. It's a nice tomb, and if they kneel and mourn in a gown with a +train, she certainly is doing it up brown. However, let's go on. + +"Two cardinals of Amboise kind of going in procession on their knees +over their own dead bodies--or maybe it's only hearts again. Well, Bob, +the Reformation was a great thing, after all, wasn't it? Must have felt +fine to straighten up for a while. Stop a bit; the guide-book said +there was something to examine about these two--wait till I find the +place. Oh, well, never mind; I dare say a guide-book's very handy, but I +move we quit this damp old hole, anyway. I wouldn't bother to come +again. That's a sad thing about life, Bob; as soon as you get in front +of anything and get a square look at it, you're ready to move on--at +least I am. + +"What's he saying? Well, ask him again. Whose grave? Well, ask him +again. Rollo's! What, Rollo that was 'At Work' and 'At Play' and at +everything else when we were kids? Another? What other? Well, ask him. +Rollo the Norman? I don't see anything very remarkable in a Norman being +buried in Normandy, do you, Bob? When did he die? Well, _ask_ him. What +are we paying him for, anyway? Died about 900, eh! And this church +wasn't built till four hundred years later. Where did he spend the time +while he was waiting to be buried? Well, ask him. I declare, if I could +talk French, I bet I'd know something about things. You are the +_dumbest_ lot! Here's Rollo lying around loose for as long as we've had +America with us, and no one takes any interest in where. Is that the +tomb he finally got into? Clever idea to have it so dark no one can see +it, after all. I suppose he thinks we'll be impressed, but I ain't. I +don't believe Rollo's in there, anyhow. + +"Come on; I'm tired of this old church. I move that we go out and look +at the place where they burned Joan of Arc, or something else that is +bright and cheerful. What's he saying? No, I don't want to see any +treasury; I've done enough church-going for one week-day. Give him his +money, Bob, and let's get out. You tell us where to go next; you must +know everything, if you were here all day yesterday. I want to see that +double-faced clock and those carvings of the Field of the Cloth of Gold. +They're all over in the same direction. + +"Good to be out in the air, eh? I vow, I never was great on churches. +What boat did you come over on? Did it roll? Ours rolled and pitched, +too. I never saw such a rolling. I tell you, Bob, the man will make a +fortune who invents a level liner. I used to try and figure on how to +hang the passenger department in an open square, so it could swing +free,--do you get the idea?--but I don't know as it could be managed. I +was trying to work it out one morning, and I came up against the +wash-stand so sudden that I thought I was cut in two; the next second I +went backward so quick that the edge of the berth nearly amputated my +legs; and then the whole craft arose on such a swell that I swallowed +half my tooth-brush. You may laugh, Bob, but I'm not telling this to be +funny; I'm telling it for a fact. I had to have the steward in to put +the washing-apparatus to rights, and I asked him what in thunder was up +outside. He was standing at an angle of forty-five degrees, looking up +at me where I sat in the lower berth, and he said, 'If the wind shifts, +we're very likely to have it rough.' Just then he took on an angle of +ninety-five degrees, and my trunk slid out on his feet so quick he had +to hop. I said: 'Have it _rough_, eh? Well, I'm glad to know, so that I +can take advantage of this calm spell.' + +[Illustration: "'So that's the clock!'"] + +"So that's the clock! Well, it's a big one, surely--almost as wide as +the street, although candor compels us to own that the street is about +the narrowest ever. All right, I'm done; a clock is a clock, and one +look in its face always tells me all I want to know. Come on; we can't +stand dilly-dallying if we're to get through Rouen to-day, and I must +say I consider a day to a town as quite enough in Europe. I know, when +I was young and traveled for wholesale shoes, I used often and often to +do three towns a day and never turn a hair. I tell you, Bob, when I +was-- + +"Is that the fountain? Hold on; we want to see that! The guide-book has +it in italics. I don't see anything to underline, though; looks foreign +to me. Come on; we've got to be getting somewhere, or I shall feel I was +a fool to stop off at Rouen. Not that I'm not glad to have met you +again, Bob; but that could have happened anywhere else just as well, you +know. When did you come over? Last year! Great Scott, what are you +staying so long for? I bet I get enough in six weeks; I feel as if I'd +got pretty close to enough now. Not that time ever hangs heavy on my +hands, you know. No, not by a long shot. I'm the kind of man that can +always amuse himself. Give me a fair show,--off a ship, of course,--and +I'll defy any one to get on better. Take the day we landed, for +instance, there in Havre,--rainy, not a thing to do, and every one else +off for Paris. You might have looked for me to be a little disgusted, +naturally; but not a bit of it. The day went like the wind. We landed at +noon, I slept all the afternoon, and in the evening I took a bath. I +tell you, Bob, a fellow with brains can get on anywhere. I never know +what it is to feel bored. + +"What's our Goddess of Liberty doing up there? What's that Indian +beadwork around her feet for? Who? You don't mean to tell me that's Joan +of Arc? Well, all I can say is, I never imagined her like that. But what +are the beads? French funeral wreaths! Great Scott! do they keep +Charlemagne wreathed, too, or is five hundred years the bead-wreath +limit? Pretty idea, to put up a fountain where they burnt her--keep her +memory damp at all events, eh? What's the moral of her train turning +into a dolphin? Just to bring the mind gradually down to the level of +the fact that it is a fountain, after all, I suppose. + +"She wasn't burnt here, anyhow, the book said. The book said she was +burnt farther over. Smart people here--have two places where she was +burnt, so people must trot through the whole market if they try to be +conscientious. Look at that woman, with her bouquet of live +chickens--novel effect in chickens, eh, Bob? Strikes me it was an +enterprising idea to burn Joan in the market, anyhow--good business for +the market. Folks come to see the statue, and incidentally buy some +peanuts. + +"Well, where can we go now? I say to set out and have a look at the +tower where she was imprisoned. Pulled down! It isn't, either; it's +starred in the book. What's that? This tower named for her, and hers +pulled down! Well, there's French honor for you again. What do you think +of Sibbilly now, Edna? I don't want to see the tower if it ain't the +real one. I want to see the bas-reliefs of the Field of the Cloth of +Gold, and then I want to go back to the hotel to lunch. I tell you, this +sight-seeing is a great appetizer. The more old ruins and burnings I +look over, the hungrier I get. + +"Is this the place? Makes me think of a sort of glorified gate to a +woodyard. What is it, now? Well, ask somebody! A bank, eh? Are those the +famous bas-reliefs? Those! Them! Well, well, I must say the touring +public is easy game. They're all worn off. What's the tin overhead for? +To keep the rain from damaging them, eh? Pretty bit of sarcasm, eh, Bob? +Great pity they didn't think to put it four or five hundred years +sooner. I don't see a man with a head or a horse with a leg from here. +It lacks character, to my idea. Let's go home. Come on. I've racked +around Rouen all I care to for one day." + + + + +III + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Rouen._ + +Dearest Mama: It is midnight, and I must tell you the most astonishing +piece of news. We came here with Uncle last night, and all this morning +we were out with him. When we came home and unlocked our room we found +_Lee_ sitting by the window. But he doesn't want Uncle to know. It was +fortunate that Uncle's room is across the hall, for I screamed. We +couldn't see how he got in, but he says that he has bent a buttonhook +so that he can travel all over Europe. It seems he never meant to go to +Russia at all; but he doesn't want Uncle to know. He says he thinks +Russia is a good place for Uncle to imagine him in. We had such fun! We +told him all about the voyage and all about Uncle. He says M. Sibilet's +mother _is_ his wife--he married her for money. He says he's a painter. +Lee is really going yachting, but he doesn't want Uncle to know. He +isn't going for a while, though; and he doesn't want Uncle to know that, +either. While we were talking, Uncle rapped, and Lee had to get into the +wardrobe while Uncle came in and read us a lecture. When we were in the +cathedral to-day he found a man he used to know in school, and he was +utterly overjoyed until he saw that the man had a son; and then, of +course, he was worried over the son. So he came in to-night to tell us +that it he discovered any skylarking, he should at once give up a +friendship which had always meant more to him than we young things could +possibly imagine. He said we must understand that he'd have no sort of +foolishness going on, and at that the wardrobe creaked so awfully that +Edna had a fit of coughing, and I didn't know what I should have if he +kept on. He didn't go until it was high lunch-time, and I was afraid Lee +would have to stay in the wardrobe until he smothered. When Uncle was +gone, Edna asked Lee how under the sun he kept still, and he said he +nearly died, because so many hooks hooked into his coat and he had +nothing to perch on except shoe-trees. I do think Lee is so clever. I +wish Uncle thought so, too. He went to his room, and we lunched with +Uncle, Mr. Porter, and Mr. Porter, Jr.; and afterward we visited the +church of the Bon-Secours and the monument to Jeanne d'Arc. She stands +on top, her hands manacled, with her big, frightened eyes staring sadly +and steadily out over the town where she met death. Uncle admired her so +much that he tripped on one of the sheep that are carved on the steps, +and after that he didn't admire anything or anybody. We got back about +five, and Lee came in for a visit of an hour. Lee says he had a fine +voyage. It stormed, and he says he never was battened down with such a +lively lot of people. Uncle came in twice while he was there, but Lee +has the wardrobe by heart now, and doesn't take a second. He says the +men he's going yachting with are great sport, and he expects to have the +time of his life. I do wish Uncle liked Lee, so that he could go around +with us these days; he would be so much fun. + +We are going to Jumieges to-morrow, Uncle says. Lee says he must take +the early train for Havre. He's just been in to say good-by. He brought +a cherry-tart and his shoe-horn, and we had ours, and so we had no +trouble at all in eating it. + +It has raised my spirits lots, seeing Lee. It seemed so terrible for him +to go off to Russia like that. Uncle spoke of it yesterday. He said he +was glad to have one worry off his mind and safe in Russia. The wardrobe +squeaked merrily. + +Now good-by. + + Love from + YVONNE. + + + + +IV + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Rouen._ + +Dear Mama: Lee is gone. I do wish he could have stayed longer, but he +thought it was risky. Uncle John was sure he smelt cigarette smoke in my +room, and although it wasn't true at all, Edna cried and said the +wardrobe was getting on her nerves, and Lee said he reckoned he'd take +his button-hook and move on. We had an awful time bidding him good-by, +for Uncle came in three times, and the second time he had lost his +umbrella and thought it must be in our wardrobe. I never was so +frightened in all my life; for, you know, if Uncle had been hunting for +his umbrella and had found Lee, he wouldn't have liked it at all. Edna +volunteered to look in the wardrobe, and I know I must have looked +queer, for Uncle asked if I'd taken cold. You know how much I think of +Lee, but I couldn't help being relieved when he was gone. It is such a +responsibility to have a man in your wardrobe so much of the time. He +said that I must try to steer Uncle toward Brittany, because he'll be +yachting all around there. He says I must mark places in the Baedeker +with strips of paper. He says that's a fine way to make any one go +anywhere, and that if Edna and I will talk Italy and mark Brittany, +Uncle is almost sure to wind up in the Isle of Jersey. Lee says he +wishes he'd been kinder to Uncle in America, and then he'd like him +better in Europe. He's afraid Uncle will never forgive him for taking +him bobbing that time and dumping him off in the snow. It was too bad. + +We went to Jumieges to-day. Uncle found it in the guide-book, and we +took an eleven-o'clock train. Mr. Porter and his son were late, and just +had time to get into the rear third-class coach. Uncle was much +distressed until we came to Yainville, where the train stopped, and they +got out. Uncle wanted them to get in with us, and he talked so forcibly +on the subject that the train nearly started again before Mr. Porter +could make him understand that Yainville is where you get off for +Jumieges. + +I do wish it wasn't so hard to turn Uncle's ideas another way when he's +got them all wrong. + +Yainville has a red-brick depot on the edge of a pleasant, rolling +prairie, but there is a little green omnibus to hyphenate it with +Jumieges. We were a very tight fit inside, for of course we could only +sit in Uncle's lap, and he didn't suggest it, so I had to hold Edna; and +Mr. Porter and his son knew Uncle well enough not to suggest taking her. +I thought that we should never get there; and it was so tantalizing, +for the country became beautiful, and we could only see it in little +triangular bits between shoulders and hats. Young Mr. Porter wanted to +get out and walk, but Uncle said, "Young man, when you are as old as I +am, you will know as much as I do," so he gave up the idea. I do believe +we were cooped up for a solid hour before we finally rolled down a +little bit of a hill into a little bit of a village, and climbed stiffly +out into the open air. + +We all had to cry out with wonder and admiration then, it was really so +wonderful. On one side were the hills, with the Seine winding off toward +Paris; and on the other side was the wood, with the ragged ruins of the +abbey-church walls towering up out of the loftiest foliage. Uncle +thought we had better go and see all there was to be seen directly, so +we walked off down the little road with a funny feeling of being partly +present and partly past, but very well content. + +The story goes that one of the ancient French kings took two young +princes of a rival house, crippled them, put them on a boat, and set +them afloat at Paris. They drifted down the current as far as this spot, +and here they were rescued. They founded a monastery in gratitude, and +their tomb was in the church, which is now in ruins. Later we saw the +stone, with their effigies, in the little museum by the gate. They were +called "Les Deux Enerves," in reference to their mutilation. Uncle +thought the word meant "nervous," and we heard him say to Mr. Porter, +"Well, who wouldn't have been, under the circumstances?" The whole of +the abbey is now the private property of a lady who lives in a nice +house up over back beyond somewhere. She built the lodge, and also a +little museum for relics from the ruins, and has stopped the wholesale +carrying off of stones from the beautiful remnants of what must have +once been a truly superb monument. I am sure I shall never in all my +life see anything more grand or impressive than the building as it is +to-day. It is much the same plan as the cathedral at Rouen, only that +that has been preserved, and this has been long abandoned. It is so +curious to think of the choir which we saw yesterday, with its chapels +and stained glass, and then to compare it with this roofless and +windowless one, out of the tops of the walls of which fir-trees--big +ones--are growing. You don't know what a strange sensation it is to see +trees growing out of the tops of ruined walls the foundations of which +were laid by Charlemagne's relatives. Edna and I felt very solemn, and +Uncle was quiet ever so long, and then only said, "I vow!" The grass is +growing in the nave and transept, and the big carved pediments stick up +through the turf here and there, with moss and lichen clinging to the +shadowy sides. The rows of pillars are pretty even, and the set of big +arches above are mostly all there still. There were a third and a fourth +gallery above, and although they are fallen away in places, still you +can see exactly how it used to be. When you look away up to the fourth +tier of columns, the main walls of the nave are still soaring higher +yet; and when you follow the sky-line of their vastness, you see the two +mighty towers rising, rising, straight up toward heaven, with the rooks +whirling and circling about them and screaming in the oddest, most +awfully mournful manner. I'm sure I shall never feel the same way again, +not even if I live to be a thousand years old myself. I felt overcome; I +felt a way that I never felt before. I don't know what I felt. + +Uncle was delighted; he sighed with satisfaction. "This is the real +thing," he said to Mr. Porter; "I like this. You can see that there's +been no tampering with _this_ ruin." Mr. Porter looked up at the sky +above and said: "I should say that there had been considerable tampering +with this ruin. I will take my oath that the whole of the little town +yonder was built with the stone taken from these walls and those of the +monastery buildings." + +[Illustration: "There's been no tampering with _this_ ruin"] + +Uncle is getting very nervous over Mr. Porter, Jr., because he walks +around with Edna so much; so we were not allowed out of his sight during +the visit, and didn't explore half as much as we wanted to. The little +museum was really very interesting, and had the tombstone of one of Joan +of Arc's judges. I feel very sorry for Joan's poor judges. They had +to do as they were bid, and have been execrated for it ever since. + +We came home late in the afternoon, and Mr. Porter found a telegram +calling him to Brussels on business, so he and his son said good-by +hurriedly and took a half-past-six train. Uncle said at dinner that it +was a strange thing to see how, after forty-five years of seeing the +world, a man could still be the same as when one had to do all his sums +for him at school. We absorbed this luminous proposition in silence, and +then Uncle looked severely at Edna and said that at the rate that things +were progressing he wouldn't have been surprised to have had a John +Gilpin in the family any day. We were struck dumb at this threat or +prophecy or whatever was intended, and went meekly to bed. Edna had a +letter from Lee and I had one from Harry. Lee didn't dare write me and +Harry didn't dare write Edna because of Uncle. But they each sent the +other their love. + +Uncle wants to go to Gisors to-morrow. + +P. S. I must add a line to tell you that Mrs. Braytree and the four +girls have arrived. They saw Uncle on the stairs coming up, and all came +straight to our room. They landed yesterday, and had a real good +passage, only Eunice fell out of the berth and sprained her wrist. She +has it in a sling. They had a hard time arranging about the dog, as the +hotel didn't want him in the rooms. He is one of those dogs that look +scratchy and whiny at the first glance. Mrs. Braytree has lost her keys, +so she sat with us while the hotel people got a man to open her trunks. +She says she's in no hurry to unpack, for she had so many bottles she's +almost positive one cork at least must have come out. They entirely +forgot to bring any hairpins and suffered dreadfully on shipboard on +that account. They had trouble with one of their port-holes too, and +Mrs. Braytree and Uncle are both going to carry crowbars at sea +hereafter. + +They are going to stay here a week. It's so nice to meet some one from +home! + + Always yours lovingly, + YVONNE. + + + + +V + +UNCLE JOHN EN ROUTE + + + _Rouen._ + +"Come on, girls, this is quite an expedition. I vow I shook a little +when Mrs. Braytree suggested coming, too. Seven women to one man would +be too many for comfort as a general thing; but your Uncle John never +shows the white feather, so I only drew the line at the dog. Why the +devil five women want to travel with one dog and eight trunks I can't +see; but if I was Mrs. Braytree, I'd probably know more about it. +Curious little creature, the cross-eyed one, isn't she? And that +Pauline--always wanting to be somewhere else. I told her pretty flatly +at dinner that if she couldn't get any more fun out of Rouen than by +wishing it was St. Augustine, she'd better have stayed in New York. +Anything but these fault-finders. + +"Well, ain't you ready? I've sent the luggage along, and it seems to me +that we ought to be following its good example. Lord knows, two days is +enough to waste in an old hole like Rouen; I was wondering last night +what we ever came for. I never was so cold anywhere in my life, and +sleeping on a slope with a pillow on your feet isn't my idea of comfort +at night, anyhow. I don't understand the moral of the scheme, and the +pillow keeps sliding, and I keep swearing, all night long. Also, I can't +learn to appreciate the joy of standing on a piece of oil-cloth to wash. +I must say that one needs to wear an overcoat and ear-muffs to wash +here, anyhow. I was dancing under the bell-rope and ringing for hot +water a good half-hour this morning. I'm going to write and have the +asterisk subtracted from this hotel. + +"Well, come on, if you're ready. Whose umbrella is that getting left by +the door? Mine? I vow, I didn't remember putting it down. But no one can +think of everything. Edna, is this soap yours? No? Well, I just asked. I +seem to have left mine somewhere, and it's live and learn. Come on! come +on! + +"Good morning, Mrs. Braytree--Eunice--Emma--Pauline--Augusta. I reckon +we'd better be hustling along pretty promptly. The train doesn't go +until five minutes after the time, if we don't hurry. It's truly a +pleasure having you join us, Mrs. Braytree. A little excursion like this +makes such a pleasant break in the routine of sight-seeing, I think, and +these quaint old--there, all get out now, I have the money. I'll take +the tickets; we're all full-fare, aren't we? Or--how old is the little +cross-eyed one? I _beg_ your pardon, Mrs. Braytree, but I had to know in +a hurry. + +"There, come on! come on! Squeeze through. Se--ven women and one man. +Hurry! we want a compartment, here--no, there. Run, Edna, and get ahead +of that old lady; here's two umbrellas to throw crossways, and then you +can tell her there's no room, and the law will uphold you. You look +surprised, Mrs. Braytree, but I learned that little trick coming from +Havre. I tell you, by the time I get to Paris I'll be on to every kind +of game going. I learn fast--take to Europe as a duck takes to water, so +to speak. + +"Well, we're off for Gisors. Great pleasure to have you with us, Mrs. +Braytree; no more work to steer seven--Good Lord! there aren't but six +here! Who isn't here? Edna's gone! What is it, Yvonne? I sent her ahead, +did I? Oh, so I did, so I did. And of course she is waiting for us. Poor +child! I hope she's not worried. As soon as we get out of the tunnel +I'll hang out of the window and holler to her. Very convenient method +of talking to your friends aboard, Mrs. Braytree; only I should think a +good many would lose their heads as a consequence. However, as the +majority of the heads would be foreigners', I don't suppose it would +matter much in the long run. + +"Speaking of Gisors, Mrs. Braytree, it's really a very interesting +place--according to the guide-book. As far as I'm personally concerned, +I'd be willing to take the time to go there to learn how to pronounce +it. The workings of the mind which laid out the way to speak French +don't at all jibe with the workings of the mind which laid out the way +to spell it--not according to my way of thinking. There's that place +which we've just left, for instance,--'Ruin' as plain as the nose on +your--on anybody's face,--and its own inhabitants can't see +it--pronounce the R in a way that I should think would make their +tongues feel furry, and then end up as if, on second thought, they +wouldn't end at all. + +"Yvonne, I wish you'd hang out and see if you see any of Edna hanging +out. I declare, this is a very trying situation to be in. You don't know +what a trip I had, Mrs. Braytree, trying to keep track of these girls; +and since we landed--well, I just had to call a halt in Havre and come +off alone. Curious place, Havre, don't you think? See any one you knew +there? We--who did you say? Why, that can't be, he's in Russia. Yvonne, +didn't that young reprobate write you he was going to Russia? Yes, I +thought so. Well, Mrs. Braytree says she saw him in Havre. Good joke his +not knowing we were in Rouen; he'd have been down there in a jiffy, I'll +bet anything. But your Uncle John is a rather tough customer to handle, +and I expect that young man knows the fact, and so thought it best to +give Rouen a wide berth. Not that I have anything in particular against +young Reynolds, only I don't consider that any girl could be happy with +him. And it's foolish to have a man around unless you can make him +happy--I mean unless he can make you happy. My wife was very happy up to +the time she developed melancholia--a sad disease, Mrs. Braytree. +Yvonne, I wish you'd hang out and see if you can see anything of Edna. + +"I presume this is as good a time as we'll have to study up a little on +Gisors. It seems to have been the capital of the Vexin. I shouldn't be +surprised if 'vex' and 'vexing' both come from that country, for the +guide-book gives it as always in hot water. The French and English were +both up against it most of the time, and it was vexin' with a vengeance. +It says here that the old city walls are still standing and that Henry +II built the castle. Isn't he the one we peeked around in Rouen? Yes, I +thought so. It says that there's very little left of the castle, though. +I must say I'm always glad when I read that there's not much left of +anything; it gives me a quiet, rested sort of feeling." + + + _Gisors._ + +[Illustration: "'This is as good a time as we'll have to study up on +Gisors'"] + +"Well, here we get out. I'll swing down first. If French trains were +American, they'd have trapezes or elevators to--get--out--by. Here, give +me your hand, Yvonne--oh, there's Edna. Well, I vow, who has she got--if +it isn't--Yvonne, isn't that that young man--how d'ye do, Edgar? +Delighted to see you again. Our friend, Mrs. Braytree, and all the +others are her daughters. Come, Edna; you come with me while I check +this trunk. Where in thunder did you get that fellow from? How does he +come to be in Rouen? Did you know he was in Rouen? Did you see him while +he was there? I declare, I never will travel with any women again +unless I am married to them. This is awful. Don't you know I'm +responsible for you two girls? And I send you ahead to get a +compartment, and you find Edgar--it makes me want to swear. Say, was +there any one else with you? Worse and worse. I was afraid there was +something wrong when we kept hanging out and you never hung out at all. +Well, we'll have to go back and gather them all up. Yes, I'll be polite +to him; but, Edna, I hope you understand distinctly that a man like that +could never make any woman-- + +"Yes, Mrs. Braytree, here we are again; and now we'll all proceed over +Gisors. Pretty place, don't you think? Picturesque. Did you ever see so +many canals--or smell so many?--and the little cottages out of another +century? Packed roofs--green trees--well-sweeps--I like this; I'm glad I +had the sense to come here. Edgar, will you oblige me by carrying that +cane so that child doesn't come within an ace of catching her mouth on +it every other second? I declare, Mrs. Braytree, I wish we hadn't run on +to that young man. Of course he's a nice fellow and all that, but young +men are a great trial when you have two-- + +"Let's turn down here. Most of the streets seem to be canal tow-paths. I +vow, this _is_ pretty. I could settle down in a place like this and live +till I died. What do you suppose the people here do to amuse +themselves, anyhow? From the way they look at us with their mouths open +I should imagine that we were regarded in the light of a great event. +And if that's the case, they must be pretty hard up for sport. Oh, well, +I presume it's enough for them to paddle about on the green waters and +stir up the miasma--as much sense as foreigners have. + +"And so these are the walls--ramparts, I mean. Well, they're fairly +high. Wonder how high they are, anyhow? Edgar, will you do me the +courtesy not to be pointing to the left with that cane of yours when I +turn suddenly to the right again? I beg your pardon for seeming heated, +Mrs. Braytree; but he really-- + +"Let's find a gate and go in; seems to be a park inside. I should think +there _was_ 'little left to be seen of the castle!' I don't see anything +at all of it. Maybe they took it down and built the walls higher just to +fool tourists. Well, I didn't come to Gisors to caper about in a park; +let's go out and look at the church--the guide-book says the church is +worth seeing. I think there's something very touching about guide-book +enthusiasm: it keeps up so consistently right through to the end. I feel +as if my own enthusiasm was most run through now. I don't know how Paris +will affect me. Edgar, if I trip on that cane you'll have to pay my +doctor's bill. What makes you handle it as you do, anyway? I like to see +a cane light and alert--not one that drags through the world in the +style of yours. To judge from your cane, I should say you hadn't been in +bed before three for a month. I have to speak sharply to that fellow, +Mrs. Braytree; he is about as wooden-headed as they make. Came across +the ocean with us, and pestered the life out of me. You don't know what +an ocean voyage is with two attractive girls--I _beg_ your pardon; I +forgot your four. Dear me! we were speaking of--yes--of Gisors, of +course. I vow, I'm disappointed in it as a whole. I wish we'd gone to +Les Andelys instead. Les Andelys is marked with an asterisk in the +guide-book, and there's a castle there built by Coeur-de-Lion. By the +way, Mrs. Braytree, the Coeur-de-Lion _itself_ is buried in Rouen. Did +you know that? Nice joke, eh? But, dear, dear, if there's no castle here +when we get here, perhaps there'd be none there when we got there. I'm +beginning to look upon Europe as a confidence-game; I-- + +"Well is _that_ the castle! Great Scott! but it must have been big. It's +big yet, and the book said there was very little left to see. I'm +beginning to lose faith in that book. Picturesque idea, having the park +hide the ruins till you come right smash on to them. Clever people, the +French; make everything put the best foot foremost. Fine old round +tower; nice tumble-down guard-chamber! I like this. Let's go around the +other side. Great place, eh? Worth a trip to see. Edgar, let me have +your cane to point with. There, do you see that old staircase? Looks +Roman to me; what do you think? I tell you, a man could write an +historical novel out of old ruins if he prowled long enough. Come on +now; let's meander on down town and look at the church. As soon as I +look at anything, I'm always ready to look at something else. Let's go +out on this side and go back to town the other way. Then we'll look at +the church, and then we'll put you and Edgar on the train for Rouen, +Mrs. Braytree. What did you say, Yvonne? He isn't going to Rouen? Where +is he going? To Paris with us! Well, well, well! all I can say is, I do +admire his nerve. I never in all my life went where I wasn't asked, and +took a cane. Now don't you see why no woman could be happy with a man +like that? I never saw the beat. I tell you frankly, Yvonne, I don't +like his ways and I don't like him. If you girls had let him alone on +the boat, he'd have let us alone here. I declare, my day is just about +spoiled. Your mother has trusted you girls to me, and I haven't drawn a +quiet breath since. I did take a little comfort there in Rouen; but if +I'd known that Lee was in Havre, I'd have been on thorns even there. + +"Well, where is the church? Ask some one. What did she say? Down here? +Down we go, then. Ah, I suppose that's it under the sidewalk. Nice +commanding situation for a church, to grade a street by its tower! Why +don't they put in the guide-book, 'Street commands a fine view of the +roof?' There isn't time to go inside unless Mrs. Braytree wants to miss +her train, and we don't want her to do that. + +"This is the street to the _gare_, and we'll run right along. I expect +we can get something to eat there, and get that 1:30 train for Beauvais. +There isn't anything in Beauvais that would interest you, Mrs. Braytree; +but there's a church there that I want to see. The guide-book says that +Mr. Ruskin says that the roof has got a clear vertical fall that not +many rocks in the Alps can equal; I don't just know what a clear +vertical fall may be, but if there's a church anywhere near as high as +an Alp, I don't want to miss seeing it. + +"There's the clock. You just have time to get aboard comfortably. Don't +you want to go with them, Edgar? Well, I thought maybe you might. +Good-by, good-by; delighted to have met you. Good-by. Oh, yes, of +course. In Paris. + +"There, they're gone, darn 'em! Now let's get some lunch. Did you ever +see such a collection as those girls? It must have been a bitter pill +when, after managing to assimilate the looks of the three oldest, the +little one appeared with her eyes laid out bias. Come in here; we can +get something to eat here, I don't care what; but I want plenty. Don't +lose your cane, Edgar; life wouldn't be life to you without it, I +expect. I like these country hotel entrances, through a carriage-house +and a duck-yard, fall over a cat, and come in. Tell her we want dinner +for four, and prompt. You put that in good forcible French for me, +Edgar, and I'll be grateful to you till I die. Let's sit down. Let's +eat." + + + _Beauvais._ + +"Now, young people, I call this making a day count. This is my idea of +getting about. Breakfast in Rouen, lunch in Gisors, Beauvais for a +sandwich, and we'll dine in Paris. + +"What time is it? Three o'clock. Well, we want to head straight for that +cathedral. Seems as if it ought to show most anywhere over a little, low +town like this, but I don't see it. Ask someone--ask any one. Well, what +did they say? Right across the square. Whose statue is that in the +middle? Joan of Arc? Jeanne Hachette? Who was Jeanne Hachette? Girl who +captured flag from Charles the Bold, eh? Is that why they called him +'the Bold'? Sort of sarcastic on his letting a girl carry off his flag, +I should consider. Well, when did she live? Has she got her year under +her? 1492. Seventy years after Joan. I shouldn't have thought she'd have +inspired other young women in this part of the country to emulate her. + +[Illustration: "'Tell her we want dinner for four, and prompt'"] + +"Do we go up here? Ugh, how I hate walking over cobble-stones! Clean; of +course they're clean. I didn't say that I thought they were dirty. I +said I hated to walk on 'em. + +"What's that chopped-off creation before us? _Not_ the cathedral? +Well--I--vow! + +"Is _that_ what I--what we-- + +[Illustration: Beauvais] + +"Where's the front of it? What _did_ happen to it? And what _was_ Mr. +Ruskin thinking of when he compared it to an Alp! I don't want to fall +off of anywhere, but I'd choose the roof of that cathedral to start from +any day in preference to the lowest Alp they make. 'Clear vertical fall' +eh? I wish I knew what that meant. + +"Well, let's go in. Where's the door? That little, unpretentious one +looks feasible. Come on. Well, Edgar, are you coming, too, or do you +choose to stay outside with your stick? I can't help it, Edna; I feel +irritated at his being here at all, and then I'm naturally disappointed +over this church. I must say the biggest thing about it is that blank +wall stopping up where they left off. This is the kind of thing I've +come several thousand miles to look at, is it? Well, may as well go in, +I suppose. + +"So this is in the inside! Fine lot of carpets hung up to try and cover +the deficiencies, eh?--High roof,--funny sort of shock you get whenever +you look towards the front. Sort of like turning around and hitting your +cane, eh, Edgar? Girls, this cathedral was begun in 1180, time of Henry +II, and they quit in 1555 while Bloody Mary was abroad and never got to +the front end in the four hundred years. Well, well! dear, dear! + +[Illustration: "'What's that chopped-off creation before us?'"] + +"Come on, girls, we may as well go out; I feel like going to the station +and heading for Paris. I suppose that's the next move in the game. You +can stay here as long as you like, Edgar; we won't hurry you. + +"Come, Yvonne, you walk with me. Did you ever see anything like that +young man's gall? Your friend Lee couldn't make any points around him. +Just hooks right on to us, and stays hooked. I declare, if I carried a +cane I bet I'd give him one punch he'd remember long after. I'd +sincerely beg his pardon. I didn't like him on the steamer; I've got no +use for young men of his stamp. I--" + + + _Gare du Nord, Paris._ + +"So this is Paris! Now, Edgar, I have one favor to ask of you--will you +kindly allow me to manage my own affairs while you manage yours? I know +just what to do, and I'll take Yvonne with me to do it. You can take +Edna up to the hotel. Looked disappointed, didn't he? Counting on +endearing himself to me forever by his able-bodied assistance, I'll +wager; but I don't want any young man minding my business. Tell that +blue blouse to take these checks and look up five trunks in a hurry. +What did he say? We haven't got to overhaul them again here, have we? +Well, I am--I certainly just _am_. Have we got to hunt 'em up? Where? +Well, ask him? Round back of this crazy mob? Well, tell him to go first. +What's this system of wildly speculating wheat-pits? Baggage-counters, +eh? And will you look at the baggage! Talk about your 'clear vertical +falls!' Those trunks on top will soon know more than Ruskin ever did. + +"Where's our man gone? Yvonne, do you know where that fellow went to? +Well, ask some one. Look out--that baggage truck will be Juggernauting +right over you before you know it. Now, where _is_ the porter? I call +this a pretty state of affairs--porter, valises, and trunk-checks all +gone together. I thought you were watching him or I would have done so. +Do you suppose we ought to speak to a policeman? I think we ought to. +But will you look at the trunk-unlocking that's going on--good as a +play--look how mad that old lady is; hear her give it to him in good +English. Guess something got broke in transit. Keep a sharp eye out for +that porter, Yvonne. Here come some more trunks, and more, and more yet. +I wonder if this is regular, or if we've struck a rush. Where _is_ that +porter? I think we ought to be speaking to a policeman, don't you? +Here's a choice new invoice of a couple of thousand more trunks; that +fellow will never be able to find ours, I know. Supposing he has found +them and gone off with them already. Hey, look at that lady jumping up +and down! She sees _her_ trunk, I'll bet a dollar. Well, I'd jump up and +down if I could see mine. Yvonne, I really think we ought to speak to a +policeman. Could you give a description of the man? I only remember that +he wore a blue blouse. Oh, yes; and he had 'Commissionaire' across +the front of his cap. Hello, here are nine trucks all at once, just a +few million more additions to the turmoil. I tell you, we won't get out +of here to-night, I don't believe. I vow, I wish I'd given the checks to +Edgar, as he suggested. I really think we ought to be calling a +policeman. Here are fourteen trucks all loaded to the gunwales, and two +mass-meetings and one convention of tourists all at once. Yvonne, this +is beginning to look serious to me; I think that really we ought to +call-- + +[Illustration: "'Look how mad that old lady is'"] + +"Oh, there he is with the whole of the stuff on one truck. Good idea; +smart chap; and he wasn't so very long either, considering." + + + + +VI + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Paris._ + +Dearest Mama: Well we _are_ arrived! It _is_ Paris at last! But I +thought we should surely die in transit. I don't know what Uncle would +have said if he had known that Lee was in Rouen; he was dreadfully upset +over Mrs. Braytree's telling him that she saw Lee in Havre. He was very +unreasonable, and laid it up against Lee that Mrs. Braytree saw him. +Just as if Lee could help it. + +We had a pretty good time coming down, only Mr. Edgar came up and came +down with us, and of course Uncle did not like that. I think that Mr. +Edgar came up to come down with me because we had a lovely time on the +steamer coming over together, but Uncle hardly gave me a chance to speak +to him. Uncle seems just instinctively to know whom Edna and I want to +talk to, and then won't let us. But of course I'm not complaining, for +it was lovely of him to give us this trip, and we're enjoying every +minute. + +We arrived last night, and the only drawback is that Mrs. Clary isn't +here. She left a note, and M. Sibilet's wife _is_ his mother, and has a +place out at Neuilly, and they were invited there for three days. She +will be back to-morrow, and she left word for us to go straight to the +Bon Marche and look at the white suits; so we did so. We told Uncle it +was all right for us to go alone, and he had just gotten his mail, so he +only said "Hum!" and we went. Just as we were taking the cab, who should +we see but Mr. Chopstone. It was so lovely to see him again, and he got +into the cab and went with us. We went to the Bon Marche, but it wasn't +much fun with a man, so we came out after a little, and he proposed +taking the Subway and going to the Trocadero. Just then we met a man +that Mr. Chopstone knew, and he had red hair and eye-glasses. Mr. +Chopstone introduced him, and invited him to go along; but he said it +was no use, because it was the wrong day and we couldn't get in when we +got there. By this time we were down in the Subway, and Mr. Chopstone +suggested that we go to the Bois, so as not to have to go back up the +stairs again. While we were talking, the train came and went in a +terrible hurry, and we got aboard in between. After we were off, we +found that Mr. Chopstone wasn't on. We didn't know what to do, because, +of course, it was he that we knew, and not the red-haired man. The +red-haired man said he would do whatever we pleased, and Edna thought we +had better get right off; but I thought we ought to go right on. We +didn't know _what_ to do, and so we kept on to the Bois. + +The Bois was just lovely--all automobiles and babies; and who do you +think we met? Betty Burleigh. We were so surprised, for I thought she +was in California for her lungs; but it seems that she's been in Dresden +for her music all winter, and now she's here for her clothes. She was +with an elderly French lady, and I don't think that the elderly French +lady liked to have her stop and talk to us. I thought at first that +perhaps it wasn't proper on account of the red-haired man, but in a +second I saw the real reason. Betty glanced around and said, "Oh, +Madame, ou est Fakir?" Whereupon the elderly French lady looked +absolutely terrified and tore madly off. We had quite a long talk +before she came back with the most awful little black dog, which they +evidently had _no_ string to. She put him down and began to look +displeased again, and Betty just glanced about and said calmly, "Oh, +Madame, ou es Fakir?" He had absolutely vanished again, and the elderly +French lady sort of threw up her eyes and rushed wildly away. The +red-haired man said, "Why don't you buy a chain for him?" Betty shrugged +the Frenchiest kind of a shrug and said, "I don't have to chase him." +The red-haired man said, "I should think she would buy the chain then!" +and Betty shrugged a much Frenchier shrug, and said: "I wouldn't allow +it. While she is running after him I can do as I please." The +red-haired man laughed. Poor madame came panting up with the creature +just then, and Betty said sweetly, "Laissez-lui courir," so she had to +put him down; but I could see that she meant to keep a sharp eye on him. +Betty wanted us all to come to the Palais and lunch with her; but of +course we refused, because you wouldn't have liked it, and, anyway, we +had to go back to Uncle. She wanted the red-haired man to stay, anyhow, +and was quite put out when he declined. Just then two men in an +automobile came up and asked her to go and see the balloon ascension. +They didn't invite the elderly French lady, and she protested about +"comme il faut"--but Betty said, "Ou est Fakir?" and, if you'll believe +me, that little beast was gone again, and poor madame dashed off in +pursuit. Betty made short work of bidding us good-by then, and at once +got into the automobile, and was off. + +[Illustration: We found our beloved relative] + +We came slowly along back with the red-haired man, and at the Arc de +Triomphe we ran into Mr. Chopstone. It seems he went a station too far +because he met some people he knew in the car behind us, and he says we +must all go to the Chatelet with him to-night to make up. He said +"Uncle, too," so we accepted. Then we took a cab and came back to the +hotel, where we found our beloved relative with his feet on the +center-table, reading the Paris "Herald." He looked over the top at us +and announced that he'd "done the Louvre." I think we must have looked +startled, for he went on to say at once that he knew that it was +something that had got to be done, and that he shouldn't enjoy, and so +he had thought it best to go at it the first thing on the first morning +and get it off his mind at once. He was very pleased with himself, +because he says the "Baedeker" says that it takes two hours and a half +to walk through, and he was only gone from the hotel two hours in all. +Edna asked him if he spent much time looking at the pictures, and he +said: "Young lady, if you'd ever been in the place, you'd never ask that +question. Why, the whole thing is lined with pictures. I bet I dream of +gilt frames for a week." + +[Illustration: We found our beloved relative] + +We had to go to lunch, and Uncle doesn't like the food very much; he +says it strikes him as "flummery," and he is really very much vexed over +Mrs. Clary's being at Neuilly. Edna is vexed because Harry is there, +too, and I'm very much vexed indeed because she thoughtlessly gave Uncle +the letter at lunch, and when he read about Monsieur Sibilet's wife +being his mother he was more put out than ever. He said we could look +out for ourselves this afternoon, as he had to go to the bank. Edna +suggested that we go to the Louvre, and he said yes, that would be wise, +because then we would all be free to enjoy ourselves. Uncle speaks of +the Louvre exactly as if it were the semiannual siege at the dentist's. +But he was kind enough to offer to leave us there on his way to the +bank, and when we took the cab, he arranged with the cabman and the +hotel-porter exactly what the fare was to be, and held it in his hand +the whole way. + +Edna and I were mighty glad to get to the Louvre without Uncle, +especially with the way he feels to-day, and we were wandering along in +a speechless sort of ecstacy when all of a sudden I heard some one +calling my name. I whirled around, and if it wasn't Mrs. Merrilegs, in a +state of collapse on one of the red-velvet benches. We went to her, and +she took hold of our hands as if she'd been our long-lost mother for +years. She looked very white and tired and almost ready to faint, and we +sat down on each side of her in real sincere sympathy, and she held our +hands and told us how it was. It seems that they left home the last of +last month, and they've been all through the British Isles, Denmark, +Holland, and Belgium, and they are going to finish Europe and be home +the first of next month. She could hardly speak for tears. She says Mr. +Merrilegs made out the itinerary before they sailed and that they have +lived up to it every day except just one, when he ate some lobster +crossing the Irish Sea, and they lost a day that night. She says they +drive a great deal, because they can hardly walk any more, and that she +doesn't believe that there will be a museum or palace in Europe that +they won't be able to say that they have driven by when they go home. +She said they had come to the Louvre to see what pictures they wanted +for their new house, and that they never meant to take more than twenty +minutes for the selection, and that they had been there an hour already. +She felt badly because the itinerary had them visit Notre Dame, the +Eiffel Tower as high as the elevator goes, and Versailles this +afternoon. She said they wanted to try and call on the American consul, +too, to ask about a masseur. She said Mr. Merrilegs said he thought if +they could get hold of a good masseur and keep him right with them that +they could manage to rub through to the end. + +[Illustration: "She took hold of our hands as if she'd been our +long-lost mother for years"] + +Edna and I felt dreadfully sorry for her; but there did not seem to be +anything to do except look sad, and we did that as heartily as we knew +how until in a minute or two Mr. Merrilegs hove in sight with a funny +little Frenchman dancing round and round him. Mr. Merrilegs looked +almost as exhausted as his wife, and called Edna by my name and me by +hers. His wife asked him if he had ordered the pictures, and he said: +"No; I haven't any more time to waste here. I've given Claretie the +paper with the sizes of the spaces marked on it, and he's to go through +and measure till he finds a famous picture to match each space." Mrs. +Merrilegs sort of nodded faintly and said: "But we don't want any +martyrs in the dining-room, you know," and her husband said, "Yes, yes, +he understands; and he says he'll find a Susanna to fit your bath, too." +Mrs. Merrilegs stood up then with a very audible groan, and they both +shook hands with us in a way that quite wrung our hearts. Then they +limped away with the little Frenchman spinning gaily about them, and we +went on alone. + +In the very next room we met Mr. Chopstone. He was awfully glad to see +us, and said, with our permission, he'd join us; but as he seemed joined +anyway, we didn't even dream of refusing. He asked if we'd told Uncle +about the Chatelet, and then we remembered that we had forgotten. He +said he was so glad, because he couldn't get any seats except +_baignoirs_, and they looked queer, because no one can see you. He asked +if we would like to go to the opera instead, and we were just discussing +it when we turned a corner and ran right on to Betty Burleigh and the +red-haired man. His name is Potter, and, did you ever! They looked so +upset that it can't have been an accident, their being together. But how +could they have arranged it? If they didn't arrange it, why did they +look upset? Betty had on a bright green cloth dress and a violet hat, +and the red-haired man heightened the general effect so much that we +moved on as quickly as possible. Mr. Chopstone said very roundly: "You'd +better fight shy of her, I think," and Edna said dryly: "Of him, too, +don't you think?" I waited a minute, and then I said it seemed droll to +think that if we were all English we'd be pleased to call poor Betty a +typical American. + +We came home when the Louvre closed and found Uncle back with his feet +on the center-table. He had had a big fire built, for he said it gave +him chills to look at the nymph over his bed. He had put in a true +Merrilegian afternoon, having been to the Palais de Justice, +Sainte-Chapelle, Notre Dame, and driven by the Hotel de Ville and around +the Opera House--"completely around." He says there won't be a thing +left for him to look at by Monday. He says if he was pressed for time +he'd hire a cab for one whole day and lump the business; but that, +seeing that we have the time, it really doesn't seem necessary. + +The mail came while we were talking, and the most unfortunate thing +happened. To keep up the Russian idea, Lee wrote two postals and sent +them to St. Petersburg to be mailed. Uncle saw the Russian stamps and +knew Lee's writing, and he asked me to kindly tell him how Mrs. Braytree +came to see a man who was in Russia in Havre. Edna said weakly that it +must have been a joke, and Uncle shook his watch and held it to his ear +that way he always does when he's dangerous, and said he was in no mood +for any of Lee's jokes. He looked very severely at me and said that Lee +was a scalawag, and that I ought to be ashamed of myself for having him +around. + +Mrs. Clary will be back to-morrow, and we're very glad, for Uncle is +awful peppery and tartary, and says "Hum!" when we least expect it. Edna +sent Mr. Chopstone a _petit-bleu_, asking him please not to ask us to +go anywhere to-night. Mr. Edgar sent me some violets, but I had time to +give them to the chambermaid before Uncle came in. If I only get a +chance, I shall ask Mrs. Clary to declare that M. Sibilet's mother _is_ +his wife, even if she knows it's a lie. It doesn't seem possible that +Uncle could really care for Mrs. Clary; but he's so cross if she talks +to any one else that I almost wonder if he doesn't. Edna is all tired +out, and says she will cry if Uncle tells her again that any man isn't +the man to make any girl happy. She says she likes men, and she thinks +that they all make her happy. She wanted to go to the Chatelet in a +_baignoir_, and she was wild to go to the opera in anything. + +We talk Italy and mark Brittany every chance we get, but Uncle says +"Hum!" to Italy the same as he does to everything else these days. I'm +sure I don't see what we'll do if he takes the rest of Europe as hard as +he does this much. But of course I don't mean that we're not having a +lovely time, and we never forget for a minute how kind he was to bring +us. + + + _Next day._ + +Oh, it has been awful! How can I write it all! + +You see, Uncle has a little balcony, and the sun came out, so he did, +too, this morning, on his little balcony. And he saw Mrs. Clary being +brought back in an automobile by M. Sibilet and two French officers. Of +course Harry was there, too, but that didn't mend matters any. In +looking over, Uncle's glasses fell to the ground, and they were his +comfortable ones with the rubber round the nose, and that part broke, +too. Edna was taking a bath, and I had to stand the brunt of the whole. +Uncle told me not to dare to fancy for a minute that he cared who Mrs. +Clary went about with; but he did wish for the credit of America that +she would steer clear of men like Sibilet. He was much put out over the +French officers, too, and said that if he was a French officer he'd go +and walk around Alsace until he came to his senses. While he was talking +he knocked the water-pitcher over, and then Edna was ready to dress; so +he went away while I sopped up the floor. + +Mrs. Clary came in right afterward. She has had a splendid time, and she +says she doesn't care what relation the old lady is so long as she can +have them for friends. She has had no end of fun since she came from +Havre, and she says it's a shame about Uncle. She went to a beautiful +lawn-fete at a countess's, and she says I mustn't worry over Lee and +Uncle. She rode horseback, too, and drove with a coach, and she says +Edna must remember that Uncle is always peculiar and doesn't mean half +he says. She went to two dinner-parties, and no one would believe that +she was Harry's mother. She says I ought not to be exasperated over +anything, because nothing in the world can be so exasperating as having +a son with a moustache when you don't look thirty-five, and that she +doesn't let _that_ worry _her_. M. Sibilet is going to give a dinner for +her at the Ritz, and she's going to get a lace dress all in one piece, +and she says it was she who told Mr. Edgar that we were coming from +Rouen, and that Betty Burleigh is considered very fast, and that it +won't take long for her to settle Uncle. I'm sure I hope so with all my +heart; but I don't believe he'll like the idea of the dinner-party much. +Mrs. Clary says Mme. Sibilet's chateau is a perfect castle, and that one +of the French officers in the automobile was a duke. She says we must be +patient, and Uncle will get used to the Continent, just as all American +men do. She says they never take to it like women, though. The other +French officer was in the ministry once, and counts more than any duke. +Mrs. Clary is always so sweet and comforting, and she is such a nice +chaperon, because she always has men enough herself never to be +spiteful. + +Mr. Chopstone sent Edna back a _petit-bleu_ that he had the box at the +opera, and what should he do about it. Mrs. Clary says for us to go. She +says she'll take care of Uncle, for she wants to straighten out her +accounts, and she can just as well straighten him out at the same time. +She gave me a long letter from Lee that he left with her, and she told +Edna to go and have a nice walk with Harry, and she'd tell Uncle they +were both asleep in their rooms. I declare, it's good to have her back. +I feel as if a mountain was lifted off me, and on to her. She says you +never dreamed of such fun as she's had out there at Neuilly, and that +it's quite absurd--my worrying over little things like Lee and Uncle. + +She talked so much that I grew quite light-hearted, and had early dinner +and went off to the-- + +I'll have to write the rest to-morrow. A boy says Uncle wants to speak +to me. + + + _Next day._ + +I do believe Lee knows better how to manage Uncle than all of us put +together! + +When Uncle sent for me, I saw right off that Mrs. Clary hadn't gotten +him anywhere near all smoothed out. He looked awfully vexed, and he +told me he was done with Paris and he was going to clear out at once. He +said he knew that Edna and I wanted to go to Italy, but, unfortunately, +he couldn't see it himself in that light. Then he paused and said "Hum!" +and I waited. After a little he said that he'd happened to run across +two or three things lately that had rather interested him in Brittany, +and how would I like to go there. I was almost stunned at the success of +Lee's scheme, and I was so happy that I suddenly felt as if I wanted +Mrs. Clary and Edna to be happy, too, and I threw my arms right around +his neck and said: "Oh, _Uncle_, let's go off together--just you and +me--and have a real good time together, all by ourselves. Will you?" + +I must have done it _very_ well, for Uncle's face smoothed out at once, +and he told me that he'd been meaning to give me Aunt Jane's watch ever +since she died, only that it needed a new spring, and he never could +remember to take it to the jeweler's. His face clouded some later, and +he shook his head and said he wished he felt more security as to Mrs. +Clary and Edna; but then he crossed his legs the other way, and said we +only had one life to live, and could I be ready to start by day after +to-morrow. I said that I was sure I could, and he said "Hum!" very +pleasantly, and I went to my own room and told Mrs. Clary. She was so +pleased; she says I am a saint, and that it's too bad for me to miss +the dinner. She is going to wear her pink pearls, and she says that she +will try to telegraph Lee. + +I will confess that my heart sinks a little bit from time to time when I +think of trying to bear Uncle all alone for I don't know how long; but I +have great faith in Lee, and I know that he'll be somewhere along the +coast, and that will be a comfort. + +Uncle has been out and bought a Gaelic grammar and the history of the +Siege of La Rochelle, for he says he wants to have some intelligent +conception of what he sees. He wants me to learn the grammar, and he +says, where he sees to everything, he should think I could do a little +trifle like that for him once in a while. When he put it that way, I +thought I must try; but, oh, heavens! you ought to see that grammar! + +I will write again as soon as I can. Harry is going to take us all to +the Cafe aux Fleurs for tea. + + Lovingly, + YVONNE. + + + + +VII + + +My Dearest Mama: We are _en route_! We left Paris at the cheerful hour +of 7 A.M. yesterday morning. No one was up, and there was another train +at half-past nine, but Uncle said that, considering the work that lay +before us, we had better not begin by dawdling. I do think there is a +happy medium between rising at five and "dawdling," but of course I +didn't tell him so. + +Edna sat up in bed and kissed me good-by. She and Mrs. Clary looked upon +me as a cross between the saver of the situation, and a burnt offering +on Uncle's altar; but they were all happy, and I didn't care--much. + +Uncle mapped out the route, and, as a result, we got down at Chartres +about half-past nine. He put the baggage in _consigne_, and then looked +about with the air of a charger who sniffs the battle afar. I stood +beside him, feeling like Mazeppa just before they let the horse loose. + +The outlook from the station is not very attractive, and the first thing +that Uncle said was that he didn't believe it was worth while stopping +at all, and that he had a good mind to go on with the train; but just at +that instant the train went on by itself, so we did not need to discuss +the subject. + +You see there is a high ridge that runs in front of the station, and +Chartres is on the other side. Nearly all the towns here seem to be +quite a little ways from the railway stations. Mr. Edgar says it's +because the railroads run after their passengers in Europe instead +of running over them, as they do in America. Uncle says it's very +inconvenient, anyhow, and he pulled his hat down hard and said, +"Well, let's have a look at the cathedral, anyway." + +So we stormed the ridge forthwith, and spread down into the flat country +beyond. As we descended the slope, Uncle began to be glad he had come. +Chartres is very modest and mainly one story high, so the Cathedral +towers aloft in a most soul-satisfying manner. Uncle said it was +"Something like." I was ever so glad that he felt so because he said in +Beauvais that something he had read had led him to expect that the +cathedral there would be big enough to hold the Bartholdi Statue of +Liberty in one of its niches, and of course he was horribly +disappointed, as a consequence. + +We walked straight to the cathedral, and it was so big that Uncle +thought we had better each take one side and meet behind, "so as to save +time and not miss anything." I acquiesced, because I mean to keep him +good-tempered, if keeping good-tempered myself and acquiescing will do +so. + +We started "fair" in front of the middle front door, and I could hardly +keep a straight face as we walked promptly and solemnly off in opposite +directions. The cathedral is enormous and just covered with carving, and +I was only part way down the side when I saw Uncle coming around the +corner, swinging his umbrella in the briskest sort of manner. He looked +absolutely disgusted when he saw me, and said in the most injured tone +imaginable, "You must have been stopping to look!" + +He wouldn't hear to my continuing my tour of circumnavigation, so we +went inside at once, and there I held the guide-book and read the +explanation while he kept up a running contradiction of everything I +read. I don't see the good of Uncle's carrying a guide-book, for he +says they needn't suppose he doesn't know better than most of it. + +There is a wonderful carved marble screen around the altar, and a sacred +statue with a yellow satin dress on; but being inside made Uncle want to +be outside right away, so we left very quickly, and then he studied the +Baedeker just long enough to let me notice how all the Roman noses on +the kings and saints outside had been turned into Eskimo noses by the +rains of centuries; and then he suddenly shut it, and said we would go +right straight off then and there and see the famous enamels that Diane +de Poitiers gave Henry II. He explained to me that this wasn't the +English Henry II, but the French Henry II, and then he asked me which +of us had the luggage-checks, and if I had noticed whether the train +went at eleven or half-past. I must say it is like doing multiplications +in your head to travel with Uncle, but of course I enjoy it, and the +walk to St. Peter's Church was very pleasant, through quaint streets and +along by little canals like those at Gisors. + +The church was open, and open in more ways than one, for they were +tearing up the whole floor to put in a furnace and grave-stones and +pick-axes were leaning up against the columns everywhere. There wasn't a +soul to be seen, and Uncle was so happy to be able to poke about +unconcierged for a while that I sat down and let him desecrate around +with his cane until he came to with a start and asked me what I supposed +we came to Chartres for, anyway. I got up at that, and we went to look +at the enamels, which are in behind a locked balustrade and have +curtains hung in front of them besides. We had to get a woman to unlock +the gate and draw the curtains aside and explain which enamel was which +Apostle; and uncle was very much put out over their being apostles at +all. I don't know what he expected in a church, but he said he never +thought about the church; he only thought about Diane de Poitiers. He +says he doesn't think it was in good taste her having anything to do +with the apostles, and then he read in the book again and found he'd +made a mistake, and it was the king who gave them to her, and not she +who gave them to the king, and that used him all up, and he said he +wished that he had never come. + +I saw that we should have to have something to eat right off, so I said +I was hungry and Uncle said that was just like a woman, but to come on. +We found a small restaurant and had a very good lunch, and then Uncle +said if I felt satisfied he would take it as a personal favor if we +could go on to Dreux. I do wish he wouldn't put everything just that way +when I really haven't done anything; but he looked at his watch and +found that the time before when he had looked at it he had looked at it +wrong and that we had barely ten minutes to make the train. As a matter +of fact, the train was going then, but they don't go until ten minutes +after in France, so when you miss a train you always have ten minutes +left to make it. We took a cab, and Uncle made the man understand that +if he hurried it would pay; so we galloped madly over the ridge and just +got aboard in time to learn that Uncle had left his cane in the cab and +that we'd forgotten our luggage in _consigne_. + +Of course the ride was rather gloomy, because there was almost no way to +lay the blame on me; but after a while Uncle asked me if I really ever +did see such a rank idiot as M. Sibilet, and he felt better after that. +We reached Dreux about two o'clock, and I telegraphed back about the +luggage while Uncle looked up a train for Argentan and set his watch by +the railway time. He told me that the train that he had decided on left +at 3:04 and that we could make it and see the mausoleum "easy." I never +contradict Uncle, because it doesn't do any good and does upset him +awfully, so I went with him to get the cab, and wondered how long a +mausoleum usually took to examine. + +[Illustration: Dreux] + +It seems that there are no cabs in Dreux! + +I thought that that would end the mausoleum, but Uncle merely swept his +eyes over the prospect and said we'd have to walk, and walk pretty +prompt. It was 2:10, and we walked fast. The mausoleum is on top of a +hill, and Uncle said we could catch our breath after we got to the top. +We never spoke a word going up. I knew that I was too young to die of +heart-disease, so I didn't care, if he didn't. + +It was a terrible climb, but we reached there at 2:32. It's the +mausoleum of the Orleans family, and is modern. There is a concierge who +takes you around, and we followed him, Uncle with his watch in his hand +and going on like this: "2:40--tomb of the king's mother, eh? Fine old +lady! 2:41--tomb of the Duc d'Aumale; good face, handsome decorations on +his bosom, stained-glass windows--all made at Sevres, eh? 2:43--" etc. +You can imagine! + +But what you can't imagine is the sublime and peaceful beauty of all +those exquisite marble people sleeping there under the slanting rainbow +sun-rays of the magnificent windows. They affected me so deeply that, +in spite of Uncle, I could hardly keep back the tears. They didn't seem +living and they didn't seem dead; I don't know what they were +like--spirits made visible, perhaps. The Duchesse d'Orleans has her arm +stretched across, so that it touches her husband, who was the eldest son +of Louis Philippe. The king himself stands upright in the midst of them +all, and Queen Marie Amelie kneels at his side in a beautiful pose. Two +precious little babies are sculptured together on one tomb, and all the +while we were going about, the place resounded with the echoes of the +chisels that were preparing a place for the Prince Henry who was killed +in Africa. + +I could have stayed there hours, wrapped up in the mystery and wonder of +it all, but Uncle fell down some steps while he was looking at his +watch, and we departed forthwith. He said we must walk fast, and so +again we walked fast. Of course it was easier, though, going down-hill, +and I said, when we were near enough not to be anxious any more, "It was +worth seeing, wasn't it?" To which Uncle replied: "Yes, if you enjoy +that kind of thing; but all I could think of was the idea of spending +such a lot of money on statues and then not having any cabs at the +depot." + +There was no time to get anything more to eat at the moment, so I just +held my tongue until we were safely on the train again. + +We reached Argentan at 6:15 and I felt as if I'd been running Uncle, +or, rather, running with Uncle, for a month. + +The next morning we were called at seven, and I really thought that I +could not get up at first; but, I made it at the third try, and Uncle +and I were out "seeing Argentan" at eight. At half-past he declared that +there was really nothing to see, so we went to the _gare_, and he bought +a Paris "Herald." As we were sitting there waiting for the 8:04 train to +Couliboeuf, in came Elfrida Sanders and her sister with bicycles. I was +_so_ astonished, and Uncle was rather pleased, too. They are doing +Normandy on wheels, and they have their tools and a kodak and a small +set of toilet-things and four clean collars all tied on to them. +Elfrida says they've had a lovely time--only broken glass once, and rain +two days. The sister is going to write a book and call it "Two on a +Trot." I think that's a funny name for a bicycle story. Uncle said to +call it "Two on a Tire"; but you know how stupid Elfrida is, and so she +said, "Oh, but it's not a tandem." They were going to Couliboeuf, too, +but we couldn't go together because they were traveling third-class. +Elfrida says they are seeing Europe nicely on less than a dollar a day, +and Uncle said "Great Scott!" + +[Illustration: "Elfrida says they are seeing Europe nicely on less than +a dollar a day, and Uncle said 'Great Scott!'"] + +While we were on the train it began to rain and then it poured. Uncle +became very gloomy and said that is just what we might have expected. +I didn't expect rain, and I didn't see why I should have expected it, +so I only nodded. Uncle didn't like my nodding, and said I shouldn't +take such a pessimistic view of life at my age. While he was talking I +suddenly remembered the umbrella and asked him where it was, and he had +left it in Argentan! Then there was no more conversation. + +[Illustration: Falaise] + +We had to change cars at Couliboeuf, and we reached Falaise about noon. +Elfrida and her sister got right on to their wheels and bumped gaily +away over the cobblestones at once. The rain was over and the sun was +shining, but Uncle said he had lost all faith in France and wanted to +buy another umbrella the very first thing. We went to a store, and he +said to buy a cheap one, as I would be sure to lose it. I asked for a +cheap one, but the woman was quite indignant and said that she did not +keep any cheap umbrellas--that the lowest she had was two francs--forty +cents. I had to translate it to Uncle, and he was so amused that he +bought one for three francs and gave a franc to her baby that was tied +in a high chair by the window. + +Then we took a cab to the castle and paid the man at the entrance and +let him go. There is a lovely sloping road that follows the curve of the +outer wall up to the summit of the hill, and we forgot how tired we were +in thinking how pretty it was. These old castle enclosures are all so +big. This one contains a college at one end, and then there is quite a +wood which you must walk through before you come to the castle itself at +the other end. + +The castle is wonderful. It is splendid and big and old and strong and +Norman. It is built out of the red rock, and it has oubliettes and wells +and pits and towers and everything of the kind that heart could wish to +see. We saw the room where Prince Arthur was imprisoned for seven years +and the room where William the Conqueror was born. It's a very little +room in which to have had such a wonderful thing happen. + +[Illustration: "Paid the man at the entrance and let him go."] + +Uncle enjoyed the castle immensely; he took the deepest interest in +every inch of it, and when the concierge showed us the window from which +Robert the Devil first saw Arlette, he planted himself firmly inside it +and I almost thought that he was going to stay there forever. My feet +ached so that I was glad enough to lean up anywhere for a minute, and +I honestly believe that it was ten before he moved. Then he gave himself +a little shake and said: "Well to think of owning this place, and being +able to stand in a window as high up as that one, and then to look down +as far as that well is, and then only to need to say, 'Bring her up!' +and to know she'd got to come! Great Scott! No wonder their son +conquered England. I'm only surprised that he didn't wipe Europe off the +face of the continent!" Then he shook his head for quite a little while, +and we got under way again and went to Talbot's Tower. + +[Illustration: "The coming down was awful"] + +It's high, and Uncle wanted to climb it. I didn't mind his climbing it, +but he wanted me to climb it, too, and some one was ringing the bell, +so the concierge had to leave us and go back before anything was +settled. Uncle said it was rather hard when he was doing so much to try +and finish me up (he meant "finish me off," I think), for me to be so +lukewarm about being finished so I started in to climb, although my +knees felt like crumpled tissue-paper. [1]The steps were so worn that it +was awful work and Uncle would go up as far as anyone could. He had the +umbrella and I had the candle and often we had to step two and even +three steps at once. When we came to the place where the steps ended, +he stood and peeked out of a window (imagining himself Lord Talbot, I +reckon--) and then we started back. The coming down was awful,--I was +honestly frightened. Uncle went first and I stepped on his coat twice +and spilt candle-grease on his hat. Uncle found it easier coming down +than going up, and it wasn't until we reached the bottom that we +discovered that the reason why was because he had left the umbrella +behind and so had two hands to hold on by. I said, "Never mind, it only +cost sixty cents"; but he was not to be comforted, and said bitterly, +"You forget the franc that I gave her baby." I would have gone back for +it, but I felt so hot and tired. + + [1] The author begs the reader's lenient consideration as to + this description of Talbot's Tower. The story was written + from notes taken five years ago, since which time the tower + has undergone a thorough restoration. + +We came to Caen this noon, and went to bed, and I don't believe we shall +ever get up again. Uncle said that with my kind permission he would +suggest that I should not disturb him, and heaven knows that I have no +desire to. I telegraphed Mrs. Clary about mail, and then I went to sleep +and I slept until just now. + +I never was so near dead in all my life; but you mustn't think for a +minute that I'm not having a lovely time, for I am, and it was so kind +of Uncle to bring me. Now good-by, and with much love, + + Yours, + YVONNE. + + + + +VIII + +UNCLE JOHN PARALYZED + + +"Come in! Come on! Well, don't you hear? Can't you understand any--Oh, +it's you, child. I thought it was one of those darned waiters. + +"Sit down; pull up a chair by the bed. It's so long since I sent for you +that I just about thought that you were not coming. I suppose you were +surprised at my sending for you; but it was the only way to do. It's a +hard thing to break to you, Yvonne; but you'd have to know in the +course of the day, and I always do everything right off that I've not +decided to wait and see about. Now don't look frightened, my dear; +nobody's _dead_--it's only that I'm paralyzed! + +"There, what do you think of that? Yes, it's true for a fact. My legs! I +had some premonitory symptoms yesterday going up that cursed old tower, +and I had some very advanced ones coming down from it; and this morning, +when I started to shave, the truth just burst in my face. Now, don't try +to say anything, for I've read too many patent-medicine advertisements +not to recognize paralysis when I feel it up and down the back of my own +legs. I'm not the man not to know my own feelings, and I want to tell +you that when I got up this morning I couldn't stand up, and then, after +I stood up, I couldn't sit down; and if that isn't a clear case of +having completely given out, I don't know what you would call it. + +"Now, my dear, the question is, what's to be done? Of course our travels +have come to a full stop, for I shall probably never walk again. The +curious thing is that I don't feel any particular inclination ever to +walk again. You've no conception of the sentiments that I feel in my +legs; but if you roll the fatigue of a lifetime into either the left or +the right, you can get some faint inkling of the first freshness of +paralysis. I tell you, Yvonne, it is awful. Every cobblestone I've gone +over seems to be singing in my calves; but that's neither here nor +there. What I want you to do is to go to the pocket of my valise get out +the cable-code book and look out a word that means 'Both legs paralyzed. +What shall I do with the girls?' You'll find a word that means it, if +you look long enough. They've got forty pages of words that mean every +fool thing on earth from 'It's a boy' to 'Impossible to lend you ten +dollars.' I was reading it over in Paris the other day while I waited +for my money at the bank. + +"Well, ain't you going to get the code-book? I don't want to be +impatient, but I want some one to be doing something. You don't know how +restless it makes me to think of lying still for the rest of my life. +While I was waiting for you, I was thinking that probably I shall live +right here in Caen till I die. I'm very glad we got here too late to see +anything, because now I can take it bit by bit and drag it out through +my remaining days. I shall have a wheeling-chair and a man to push me +around, and--well, maybe it's in the little outside pocket. I know I had +it in Paris, anyhow; I remember I was just reading that 'salsify' means +'Your mother-in-law left by the ten o'clock train,' and that 'salsifry' +means that she didn't, when they brought me my money, and I was free to +go. + +[Illustration: "'I'm happy that it will be out of the question for me +ever to travel again.'"] + +"Well, now you've got it. I thought maybe it would be in the little +valise all the time. Seems to me the sicknesses begin with 'Salt.' I +remember 'Saltfish' means 'have got smallpox; keep away,' and +'Saltpetre' means 'have got a cold; come at once.' You look along there +and find 'paralysis.' I'll just keep quiet while you're looking. I'd +better be learning to keep quiet. Keeping quiet must be the long suit of +the paralyzed, I should fancy. But you see what it is now to be an +optimist. Here's my life practically over all of a sudden, and, instead +of being blue, I'm as cheerful as a cricket. No need of fussing over the +candle-grease on my hat now, for I shall never wear a hat again, I shall +wear a soft felt tied over my ears with a plaid shawl as they always do +in rolling-chairs; as for the umbrella, I'm actually glad I left it. It +would only have been an aggravation to have seen it lying around. But +all the same I can't see why you didn't notice it lying down there. It +must have been in plain sight,--I remember pointing over at Mont Mirat +with it, and saying the rock looked as if it had been dropped there from +above. Yvonne, I tell you when I think of all we did these last two days +I feel perfectly content to be paralyzed. I'm glad to think that I've +got such a good excuse to stay right in bed; I'm happy that it will be +out of the question for me ever to travel again. I feel as if I've +traveled enough to last me forever; I actually don't want to see +anything more. No more catching trains and climbing castles for your +Uncle John--not in his life. You can put the Baedeker in the fire right +now--I never want to see a red cover or a green string or an index +again as long as I live. What's that? No, I sha'n't want it to look over +and recall things by; I can recall more than I want to just by the way I +feel. I don't need any guide-book to remember what I've been through +since I left Paris. I remember too much. I remember so much that I am +rejoiced to think that muscles over which I have no control will prevent +my having to go out to-day and see anything else. It seems a little hard +to think of having sight-seen so hard that you never want to see another +sight, but I'm perfectly content. And I don't want a doctor, either; +I've no faith in French doctors. It would be just like one to hypnotize +me and set me going again, and I don't want to go. I want to lie right +here, and I thank the Lord that I have money enough to allow me to lie +here forever, if I feel like it. I was thinking this morning what a +horrible existence a tramp must lead--always going on to new places. +Thank Heaven, I can just settle down in this old one and stay on +indefinitely. I want you to go down to the office and ask what rate +they'll make for this room by the year. I want this same room right +along. It's the first restful spot I've struck since my trunk went smash +into that ship. Yvonne, did you notice the way they handled those trunks +when we landed--as if they were eggs? I tell you, the baggage system at +home is a burning disgrace. That's one reason I like Europe so--it's +quiet and peaceful. I heard some goats go by this morning; I'd like to +know a hotel in America where you can listen to a goat. And then that +wallpaper, what a tranquil pattern--a basket of sunflowers upside down +alternately with a single palm upside up! What a contrast to the paper +on that room I sailed from! It looked more like snakes doing physical +culture than anything else. + +"Yvonne, I was thinking it all over as I lay here this morning waiting +for you, and the truth is, we've been traveling too fast. I wanted you +to see all there was to see, and I overlooked myself completely. Don't +feel badly, child, because I know you never meant it; but it _is_ the +truth, and, as a consequence, here I lie paralyzed. Yes, we've been +traveling too fast. It's the vice of the American abroad; it's the +terrible secret drain upon the strength of our better classes. We come +over to rest, and if we don't do two countries a week we feel we've +wasted our money. The idea of leaving Paris in the morning and doing +Chartres and Dreux and getting to Argentan that night! Why, Hercules +himself would have been used up. And then that castle at Falaise. But +I'm not sorry that I went to Falaise. No, I'm not sorry. Yvonne, there +was something about that castle that I'll never get over. I tell you +those were the days to live in! I was thinking about it while I was +waiting for you this morning. Will you consider what it must have been +to put on a suit that you couldn't be punched through, and then get out +with an ax that faced two ways and have full freedom to hack at people +you hated. I tell you, child, I should have been one of those who +barricaded themselves behind the dead bodies they had killed and kept +right on firing over the top. And to-day my armor would be hanging up +somewhere all full of dents and rusty blood-stains, and I'd be a sight +in some cathedral with your Aunt Jane wearing a funnel and an accordion +beside me. We'd both be in marble, of course, some worn by time and some +chipped by tourists--ah, well! + +"Can't you find anything suitable in that code-book? Here, I've been +waiting a quarter of an hour for you to hunt--hand me the book. I +remember 'Shell' is 'have broken my left leg,' and 'Shell-fish' is 'have +broken my right leg,' and 'Shawl' is--wait a bit--keep still, Yvonne; no +one in the wide world can study a code and listen at the-- + +"Oh, well, I'll leave it till to-night. Not that I'm irritated at your +interruption, for I never let anything ruffle me, and when you write +home the first thing I want you to tell your mother is that being +paralyzed has not changed me one particle. Same even disposition, same +calm outlook on life, same disinclination to ever bother anyone. I want +you to make them understand in particular how cheerful I am. Some men +would turn cynical at waking up paralyzed, but not me. I feel as if I +might get about quite a little in Caen, maybe even get to Falaise again +some time; but you can bank on one thing, and that is that if I ever go +back to Falaise I won't go up that tower again. I was wondering this +morning as I lay here waiting for you how in thunder you were holding +that candle to spill so much grease on my hat. You can't say that you +didn't know I was there, for every second step you took your foot hit me +in the small of the back. You ought to have gone first, anyhow. I know +the rule is for a man to go first going down a staircase, but I don't +call that business we were on any staircase; it was more like a series +of cascades with us forming the merry, leaping, part. I tell you what, +Yvonne, the next time it's up to your Uncle John to play the chamois +that springs from crag to crag over an old middle-aged staircase while +his niece pours candle-grease on his hat, you can excuse me. + +"What I like is clean, open-to-the-day-light ruins like that old one at +Jumieges! No peril, no anxiety--all on a level, and time to look up at +what wasn't. I tell you, I wouldn't have missed seeing Jumieges for +anything. I was thinking this morning as I lay here waiting for you that +I have a good mind to write a book about my travels, and that when I do +I shall have the frontispiece, me in front of Jumieges. I could take an +artist down there on purpose, and while he wasn't doing me, I could look +it all over again. Maybe I could go there alone with a kodak and get a +satisfactory frontispiece, only those rocks were so thick that most +people would think it was a defective plate. I shouldn't like to have +them think that, for if I was going to have a book at all, I should have +it in good style--gold edges, bevel-plate, and so forth, don't you know. +I'd like to write a book about Europe, I vow. I haven't been here very +long, but I'll swear I know ten times more than any book ever tells. It +never said a word in Baedeker about there not being any cabs at Dreux, +or about the condition of those steps in Talbot's Tower, and such +things ought to be known. It's all right to make light of perils past, +but those steps were too dark for me to ever make light of in this +world. Up toward the top where we had to sit down and stretch for the +next one--you remember?--I must own that I was honestly sorry I came. + +"Well, my child, it must be nearing noon, and I feel like taking a nap +before dinner. Suppose you go in and write to your mother and Mrs. +Clary. After your mother gets the cable, she'll naturally be anxious for +details, and she won't want to wait longer than ten days to know all. I +wish you'd ring and tell them to bring me some hot water before you go; +tell them I want it in a pitcher. Make them understand a pitcher. They +brought it last night in a sort of brass cylinder, and I couldn't get +the thing open anyway--had to use it for a hot-water-bag in bed in the +end. It worked fine for that. Never cooled off all night, in fact, I +couldn't put my feet against it till morning. + +"There, now, you go on and leave me to sleep. You haven't the faintest +idea of how used-up I feel. Don't forget to write your mother how +cheerful I am; don't forget the hot water. I'll send for you when I want +you. There--there--I'm all right, child, don't you worry. Just pull the +curtains and let me sleep." + + + + +IX + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Caen._ + +Dearest Mama: We are still there, and I'm so happy Uncle is in bed, and +at first he thought he was paralyzed, but now he says he's only refusing +to take chances. It's so nice having him in bed, because Lee is here, +and Uncle makes it all right without knowing anything about it. It was +yesterday that he thought he was paralyzed; he sent for me before I was +awake to tell me. I was so dreadfully stiff and lame that I thought at +first that I could not get up; but of course I did, and went to him as +soon as I could. He told me that he was paralyzed, really paralyzed; but +I wasn't frightened, because, when he explained his feelings, I knew +every one of them, and of course I knew that I wasn't paralyzed. Only +when he rolled around upon his pillows and said he certainly would end +his days right here in Caen, I couldn't help wishing that he had left me +to enjoy my pillows, also. + +But he wanted to talk, so I listened for ever so long; and then he +wanted to sleep, so I came away to write you, and there was a note from +Lee in my room. He was down-stairs waiting, and I went right down, and +my, but it was good to see him! I didn't kiss him, because it was a +hotel parlor, even if we don't know any one in Caen; but I told him +about Uncle, and he said it was fine and that he hoped he would be in +bed a week, but no such luck. The yacht has broken a thumb-screw, or +whatever it is on a yacht, and they have all come here to meet some +automobile people. Lee looks real well; he says he's had no end of fun +lately, and that it is a shame I can't go, too. + +While we were talking, Mrs. Catherwood-Chigley came in. I didn't know +that she was in Europe, and Lee was dreadfully put out for she sat right +down and asked all about us. Lee explained that he was here with a yacht +and that I was here with Uncle; but she didn't seem to believe us, and +shook her head, and asked about Mrs. Clary. She said Mr. Chigley was +here, too, and they have seen a monument in the cemetery here that is +just what they want for Mr. Catherwood. She says Mr. Catherwood was so +clear-cut and Doric in his ideas that it has been very hard to find the +right thing. She said Mr. Chigley was out making a sketch of the +monument then. She says Mr. Chigley is devotion itself to Mr. +Catherwood's memory, and cabled a beautiful wreath on his wedding +anniversary and palms tied with purple the day he died. She said she was +very happy, and Mr. Chigley just loves to hear her tell stories about +Mr. Catherwood by the hour. Lee was awfully rude and kept yawning, and I +know she didn't like it by the way she looked at him. It was awfully +trying to have her just then, because, of course, there's no telling how +long Uncle will stay paralyzed. We really thought she would stay until +lunch-time, but Lee yawned so that she went at last. + +[Illustration: "Lee was awfully rude and kept yawning, and I know she +didn't like it by the way she looked at him."] + +Lee said that we ought to join them in the touring-cars and do Brittany +that way, but he didn't like to tackle Uncle. He says Uncle is a very +tough proposition, because he is so devilish observing, and he never +begged my pardon for saying it, either. Of course Uncle brought me, and +I must do as he wishes, but I do wish that he liked Lee. Lee says he +wishes he liked him, too; he says it would be so devilish convenient +just now, and he didn't beg my pardon that time, either. + +[Illustration: Caen] + +I ran up, and Uncle was still asleep, so I had lunch with Lee at the +table d'hote. Mr. Chigley and Mrs. Catherwood-Chigley sat opposite, and +she does look so funny with her wedding-rings and engagement-rings +alternating on the same finger. Mr. Chigley said he should call on +Uncle, and Lee and I were frightened to death until I remembered that +Uncle wouldn't be able to read the card or understand the waiter without +me. After luncheon I ran up again, and Uncle was still asleep, so we +went out to walk. We had a lovely walk, and never looked at a sight, and +when we came back I ran up again, and Uncle was still asleep; so Lee and +I sat down in the parlor, and we were just going to be so happy when +Pinkie and Bunnie Clemens came in. Well, really, I hardly knew either, +they have changed so, and Pinkie has a beard and Bunnie is over six feet +high. They are on a bicycle tour with eight men, and they saw Elfrida +and her sister yesterday, headed for Bayeux. Pinkie says it's been such +bad weather they've had to tie umbrellas and waterproofs to them, too. +He says Elfrida looks half-witted, and her sister looks like a full +idiot. I was so glad that I had on a Paris frock. They wanted me to go +to the theater with them, but of course I couldn't, for I couldn't be +sure about Uncle's staying paralyzed. + +He slept till eight o'clock last night, and then he had dinner and went +right to sleep again, so I could have gone to the theater after all; but +how could I know to dare to risk it? + +Lee and the men from the yacht are at another hotel, so he didn't come +very early this morning, and it was fortunate, because Uncle sent for me +about nine to explain Mr. Chigley's card, which they poked under the +door last night. Uncle was so curious to know what it was that he got +out of bed and found he could walk. He said he had never felt sure that +it was paralysis, only he wanted to be on the safe side, and he is in +bed still, only he is so lively that I am half crazy over Lee. If Uncle +concludes he's all right, and comes down and finds Lee, I know he isn't +going to like it at all. Pinkie and Bunnie have gone on to Mont St. +Michel, and the Catherwood-Chigleys took the train for Dol right after +breakfast. Mr. Chigley was very sorry not to see Uncle, and Mrs. +Catherwood-Chigley said she should write you all about how well and +happy I was looking. I know that what she really means to write about +is Lee; but you know all about him, so I don't care. + +Lee says if there was time he'd go to Paris and get a nurse and an +electric-battery and have Uncle kept just comfortably paralyzed for a +few more days, but there isn't time, and I am so worried. If Uncle loses +any more patience with Lee, he won't have any patience left at all, and +I'll have to go all of the rest of the trip that way. We took a walk +this afternoon to consult, and we saw Elfrida and her sister. They have +cut off their hair, because it bothered them so, coming down in their +eyes, and Elfrida says she feels all the freedom of a man thrilling +through her--you know how funny she always talks. They have seven +calloused places on the inside of each hand from the handle-bars, and +Elfrida says she's sure their insteps will arch forever after. They were +coming out of St. Stephen's Church, and the only way to get rid of them +was to say that we were just going in; so we said it, and went in. + +It was really very interesting, and the tomb of William the Conqueror is +there. He built St. Stephen's, and Mathilde built La Trinite at the +other end of the town, partly as a thank-offering for conquering England +and partly as a penance for being cousins. There was a monastery with +St. Stephen's and a convent with La Trinite until the Revolution changed +everything. William's tomb is just a flat slab in front of the altar, +but he really isn't there any more, for they have dug him up and +scattered him over and over again. The church is tremendously big and +plain, and every word you even whisper echoes so much that Lee and I +thought we'd better come out where we could talk alone. + +When we came back to the hotel, I ran up, and the mail had come from +Paris; so Uncle said if I'd fill his fountain-pen, he'd just spend the +afternoon letting a few people in America know what Europe was really +like. I'm a little bit troubled, for I'm all over being stiff and sore +from that climbing, and yet he seems to feel almost as mean as ever. He +has his meals in his room, for, although we're on the first floor, he +says he cannot even think calmly of a stair-case yet. He says that +Talbot's Tower seems to have settled in his calves, and Heaven knows +when he'll get over it. Lee says I ought not to worry, but to make the +most out of the situation; but I do worry, because Uncle is so +uncertain. And I'm perfectly positive that there will be an awful scene +when he finds out that during his paralysis I've been going all over +with Lee. + +[Illustration: "He has his meals in his room, for he says he cannot even +think calmly of a stair-case yet."] + +Lee and I went to walk this afternoon, and we visited the old, old +church of St. Nicolas. It said in the book that the apse still had its +original stone roof, and Lee said it would be a good chance to learn +what an apse was; so we set out to go there, but we forgot all about +where we set out for, and it was five o'clock before we finally got +back to where it was. It stands in an old cemetery, and it says in the +book that it has been secularized; so we climbed up on gravestones till +we could see in the windows and learn what that meant, also. The +gravestones were all covered with lichen and so slippery that in the end +Lee gave up and just helped me to look. We didn't learn much, though, +for it was only full of hay. + +When we got back to the hotel, I ran up, and Uncle was gone! I never was +so frightened in my life, and when I ran back and told Lee, he whistled, +so I saw that he was upset, too. He said I'd better go to my room and +wait, and he'd dine at his hotel to-night; so I went to my room, and +Uncle was there, hunting all through my things for the address-book. I +was so glad and relieved that I didn't mind a bit the way he had churned +everything up, although you ought to see my trunk, and I kissed him and +told him it was just splendid to see him beginning to go about again. He +looked pleased, but he says the backs of his legs are still beyond the +power of description, and so I proposed having dinner with him in his +room, which we did very comfortably, and he told me that he should +remember this trip till the day he died, without any regard for the +grease I spilt on his hat. After dinner he was very fidgety, and I can +see that the confinement is wearing on him; but I don't know what to +do. + +More letters came by the evening mail, and Mrs. Clary is so in raptures +over the dinner that when Uncle asked me if I had heard from her I +thought it was wisest to say no, because I knew that if he read how +happy M. Sibilet was making her, he surely wouldn't like it at all. + +Lee sent me a note by a messenger about eleven o'clock, with +instructions in French on the outside about their delivering it to me +when I was _not_ with Uncle. They delivered it all right, and I read it. +He just said that the automobiles had come, and that he was going to +cast his die clean over the Rubicon to-morrow morning at eleven. That +means that he is going, of course, and that I am to be left here all +alone. I do feel very badly over it, for Uncle will be almost sure to +find out about Lee whenever he can get downstairs again, and then I'm +sure I don't know what will happen. Of course I've not done anything +that I shouldn't have done; but, dear me! doing right doesn't help if +Uncle chooses to decide that it is wrong. And if he can't walk, to let +us go on traveling, he's going to keep getting more and more difficult +to get along with. I don't like to tell Lee how troubled I am, because +if Lee gets worked up and decides to take a hand in while I'm traveling +with Uncle, I might as well be Mr. Pickwick when he rushed between just +in time to get the tongs on one side and the shovel on the other. I +don't want Lee trying to defend me from Uncle, because I know Uncle +would never forgive him for thinking I needed defending. You know +yourself just how Uncle is, and now that his legs are so stiff he is +more that way than ever. Lee doesn't understand, and I can't make him +understand, and perhaps it's just as well that he should go on +to-morrow. Maybe Uncle will be better in a few days, so that we can +visit Bayeux. He's crazy to go to Bayeux and see the tapestry, and it +isn't so very far. But what shall we do if we come to any town again +where there are no cabs! It would be awful. + +However, I shall not worry, for it's no use. Mrs. Catherwood-Chigley +wrote me her address on one of her cards, and Lee took it and sent it +to me with some beautiful flowers. He thought it was such a clever, safe +idea; but just suppose we meet them again! If I didn't think Lee was +just right, I'd think he had almost too many clever ideas; and, anyhow, +I know that I'm sure that he has too many while I'm traveling with +Uncle. + +Now, good-night, it's so very late. Don't ever feel troubled over me, +for I'm having a splendid time, and it was so kind of Uncle to bring us. + + Your own loving + YVONNE. + + + + +X + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Vire._ + +Dear Mama: I am the happiest thing in the whole wide world, and Lee is +the grandest fellow! I must write you everything, and you will see. + +The morning after I last wrote, Uncle had me waked up at seven and wrote +on a scrap of paper, "We leave for Bayeux at 8.30." I was just about +sick, for I knew he wasn't able to, and then, besides, if we left so +early, I surely shouldn't see Lee again. But I got up and dressed, of +course, and I was beside myself to find some way of sending Lee a scrap +of a good-by before we took a cab for the _gare_. Uncle was in high +spirits over getting out again, and all went well until it came the +minute to get him on to the train. Well, I do believe he was scared +himself. Getting on to a French train is almost like going up a ladder +that slopes the wrong way, I always think, and it took two +commissionaires to hoist Uncle into the coupe. He was awfully worried +over it, I could see, for he talked about what an outrageous idiot Mr. +Chopstone was all the way to Bayeux. We had to get out there, of course, +and I was beside myself to know how to manage. In the end Uncle came +down so suddenly that he nearly crushed me and a meek, good-hearted +little Frenchman who had kindly offered to help assist. + +[Illustration: Bayeux] + +The _gare_ at Bayeux is quite a walk from the part of the town where +the sights are and there wasn't a cab or a thing on wheels. I didn't +dare look at Uncle, for there is no train back till four in the +afternoon. He seemed a bit staggered at first, and then he said well, it +was level, and we'd go leisurely along and enjoy the fresh, pure, sweet +air of the country. So we walked along, but I could see he wasn't +enjoying it a bit, and it took us a half-hour to get to where we were +going. We went to the cathedral first, and Uncle sat right down and said +he wanted time enough to enjoy the ground-work of the vaulting and that +I could just leave him and go around alone. It was my first chance to +look at anything as slow as I liked, and I really did enjoy myself very +much. + +It's a really wonderful old cathedral, and I found a nice old sacristan +behind the altar, and he took me underneath into the crypt, and the +crypt is the original church where Harold took the oath. It was slowly +buried by the dirt of centuries, and when they started to put a furnace +in a few years ago, they found it and dug it out again. It isn't very +large, and the walls are of stone several feet thick, with little bits +of arched windows set up too high to see from. + +When I came back we went to see the tapestry in the museum, and it isn't +really tapestry at all: it's a long, long strip of linen about a foot +wide, with scenes embroidered on it in Kensington, and over and over. +It's really very well done, and it isn't a bit badly worn out--only a +few little holes here and there. The scenes are very interesting, and +some of them are awfully funny. The way they hauled the horses over the +sides of the boats when they landed in England, for example. The Saxons +have beards, and the Normans are shaven. I couldn't help thinking how +funny it was that the Normans, who were regarded as barbarians by the +French, were looked upon as tremendously effete by the English. Uncle +took a deal of pleasure studying the whole thing, and we were there till +it was time for lunch. We had a nice lunch at a clean little place, and +then came the rub. There was nothing to do till train-time, and that +terrible walk to the _gare_. I had brought a book along, so I could +read aloud, but Uncle said only a woman would come to Bayeux and read a +novel, and that I reminded him of Aunt Jane. You know how terrible it is +when any one reminds him of Aunt Jane; so I closed the book at once, and +said I'd do anything he liked. He said that that was more like Aunt Jane +than ever, to just sit back and throw the whole burden on to him; and +then he shook his watch and held it to his ear and said "Hum!" too, one +right after the other. I was almost beside myself to know what to do or +what to suggest, and just then something came puffing up behind us and +stopped right at our side. It was a big automobile, with three men in +it, and one jerked off his mask and jumped out over the wheel and +grabbed Uncle by the hand. And it was Lee! + +[Illustration: "And it was Lee."] + +You never saw anything like Uncle's face! He seemed reparalyzed for a +few seconds, and Lee kept shaking his hand and telling him how glad he +was to see him, and how he _must_ get right into the automobile and go +on with them to Caen. My heart just about stopped beating, I was so +anxious, but Lee never stopped shaking, and the other men took off their +masks and got out, too, and told Uncle he really must do them the honor +and give them the pleasure, and in the end we got him in, and Lee won +out. + +Oh, it was such fun! We had the most glorious trip back to Caen. They +had an extra mask along, and Uncle wore it and sat on the front seat, +and Mr. Peters, the man who owns the automobile, was really lovely to +him. The other man and Lee and I sat behind, and the other man is Mr. +Peters's mother's son by her second husband. His name is Archie Stowell, +and I should judge that Mr. Peters's mother's second husband was a lot +livelier than the first, but not so clever. Mr. Peters is really awfully +clever, and the way he talked to Uncle was wonderful. Uncle said it was +a very smooth-riding automobile, and Mr. Peters said it did him good all +through to meet some one who recognized the good points of a good +machine at once; he said not one man in a thousand had brains enough to +know a good machine when he was in it, and that he was overjoyed to +have accidentally met the one man who did discriminate. And Uncle said +he should judge that automobiling was a very easy way of getting over +the ground when one was traveling in Europe, and Mr. Peters said it was +perfectly bewildering how the breadth and scope of Uncle's mind could +instantaneously seize and weigh every side of an intricate proposition +and as instantaneously solve it completely. By the time we reached Caen +Uncle was so saturated with Mr. Peters that he even smiled on Lee as we +got out and asked them all three to dine with us at eight. They +accepted, and went to their hotel to dress, and Uncle went to his room +without one word of any kind to me. + +They came, and we had a very nice dinner in a little separate room, and +the way Mr. Peters talked to Uncle was worth listening to surely. And +when Uncle was talking, he leaned forward and paid attention as if his +life depended on every word. By ten o'clock Uncle was happier than I +have almost ever seen him, and Mr. Peters said it was no use, we just +simply must join their party and go on in the automobile. Lee began to +laugh when he said that, and said: "Now, Peters, you'll learn the +sensation of getting turned down cold." It was an awful second for me, +because I just felt Uncle's terrible battle between not wanting to go on +with Lee and wanting to contradict him; but in the end the wanting to +contradict overpowered everything else, and he said: "Young man, when +you are as old as I am you'll be less ready to speak for other people +than you seem disposed to do now." + +[Illustration: "We passed Elfrida and her sister to-day, pedaling along +for dear life"] + +And then he accepted Mr. Peters's invitation! So will you only please to +think of it--we are touring with Lee, and to-day we came up through the +lovely valley of the Vire to this little town of the same name. It is +all too nice for words; Uncle sits on the front seat all the time, and +when he gives Mr. Peters advice, Mr. Peters always thanks him and says +that he never met any one before with sense enough to have figured that +out. + +We passed Elfrida and her sister to-day, pedaling along for dear life. +They didn't know us, and they are getting to look so awful that I +thought it was just as well. Uncle says he thinks they are seeing Europe +for thirty cents a day now. + +It is raining, and I must go to bed. + + Your very happy, + YVONNE. + + + + +XI + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Vire._ + +Dearest Mama: We are still here in Vire, and we cannot go on for it is +raining awfully. It rained all yesterday, and we had _more_ fun. About +ten in the morning an automobile arrived with a lady Lee knows named +Mrs. Brewer and three men, and about twelve another automobile arrived +with Clara and Emily Kingsley and their aunt Clara Emily and Ellsworth +Grimm and Jim Freeman and a chauffeur, and about half-past one a +runabout automobile came in with the two Tripps. We are like a big +house-party, and Mr. Peters plays poker with Uncle every minute, so we +can all have no end of a good time. + +I must explain to you about Mr. Peters, because Lee explained to me. I +was so troubled over Mr. Peters being so devoted to Uncle and never +winning a single jack-pot once himself that Lee told me all about how it +is. It seems that Mr. Peters's mother was married to Mr. Peters's father +for quite a while before he died and that Mr. Peters's father wasn't +very well off and was very hard to live pleasantly with on account of +Mr. Stowell's father, who lived next door and was very well off and very +easy for Mr. Peters's mother to get along with always; Mr. Peters's +father died when Mr. Peters was about twelve years old, and just as soon +as it was perfectly ladylike, Mr. Peters's mother married Mr. Stowell's +father and went next door to live and had Mr. Stowell. Lee says Mr. +Stowell's father never liked Mr. Peters much because he reminded him of +all those years that Mr. Peters's and Mr. Stowell's mother lived next +door instead of living with him; but Lee says Mr. Peters is very clever, +and he saw how much his father lost from not being easy to get along +with, and so he made up his mind to be easy to get along with himself. +He gets along so well with Mr. Stowell that they travel together all the +time, and Lee says he told him that if he could get along well with +Uncle he'd make it well worth his while; so he's getting along +beautifully with Uncle, and Lee is making it ever so well worth his +while. + +Clara Kingsley has fallen in love with one of the men who came with Mrs. +Brewer--the tall, dark one, who does not talk much and reads German in +his room most of his time. There are so many that I get names mixed, but +Emily Kingsley is the same as ever, and _such_ a joy to meet again. She +says she doesn't fall in love the way Clara does; she only gets badly +spattered. The two Tripps are both devoted to Emily, and I think they +are all sort of keeping along together. Miss Clara Emily asked after +every one in our family, even Aunt Jane. Of course I told her that Aunt +Jane had been dead two years, and you ought to have seen her jump and +look at Uncle. She asked me if Uncle lived alone in the house, and she +looked so reflective that I felt quite uncomfortable. I told Lee about +it, but he says Uncle must take his chances the same as the rest of the +world when it comes to Miss Clara Emily. I wish Lee wouldn't make light +of anything so serious as the way Miss Clara Emily looked reflective. +You know you wouldn't like her having all Aunt Jane's lace, and I'm sure +that after Uncle was completely married to her, he wouldn't like it at +all, either. I don't know what Mrs. Brewer is, but the men that came in +the automobile with her are just devoted to her, and she makes every one +have a good time. We played cards and Consequences all the afternoon, +and Mrs. Brewer told our fortunes from tea-leaves in the evening. She +told Uncle to beware of a long, pointed nose which she saw in his cup, +and Miss Clara Emily didn't know whether to be mad or glad. She saw a +wedding-ring in Lee's cup, and I blushed terribly and tried to cough, +and sneezed instead; and Lee said it was an automobile tire, and meant a +breakdown. I do think Lee is always so nice. But about eleven we all got +a terrible shock, for the handsome man that Clara has fallen in love +with suddenly came to the door with his German book in his hand and said +to Mrs. Brewer, "Come to bed, Bert. I'm sleepy as the devil." + +You never saw anything like poor Clara! I thought that she would faint, +for you know when Clara falls in love how it goes all through her. She +went upstairs a little later, and, as luck would have it, she had the +next room to the Brewers, and she says it just about killed her to hear +him brushing his teeth, and I promised her I'd never tell, but she says +he called her and Emily the "Yellow Kids" and laughed and laughed and +laughed. I do think it was very horrid of him, for they can't help +having Mr. Kingsley's ears, and I comforted Clara all I could, and told +her that the way she puffs her hair is ever so becoming. It isn't a bit, +but I had to be as nice as I knew how, for she was crying so that I was +afraid Mr. Brewer would call her _Cyrano de Bergerac_, if she didn't +stop. + +I had the room between Uncle and the two Tripps, and the two Tripps +calculated their money for three solid hours, I do believe, trying to +see whether they'd have to draw on Paris behind them or could wait for +London ahead. The big Tripp said Mr. Peters had a hard row to hoe and +the little Tripp said Lee had a soft snap, and then they added and +subtracted and divided for another hour. I was almost insane when +finally the little Tripp said: "Tell me what fifteen times nine is, and +then I'll go to sleep," and someone across the hall hollered: "In +Heaven's name tell him what fifteen times nine is, and then we'll _all_ +go to sleep." There was deadly stillness after that. + + +(NEXT DAY) + + _Vire._ + +Dearest Mama: + +You see, we are still here and it is still raining. Every one +telegraphed for mail yesterday and every one got it to-day. I had your +letters and one from Edna and one from Mrs. Clary. They are going on a +coaching trip with the man who wasn't a duke, and Edna has bought three +new hats. Mrs. Clary says I am an angel and that she and Edna think it +right out of Heaven the way Lee has turned up. I had three letters from +Mr. Edgar, and he says he is thinking of making a trip into Brittany +and joining us. I told Lee, and Lee says he isn't thinking anything of +the kind, not in his life. I don't really think that Mr. Edgar and Lee +would get on very well together. I feel almost sure that they wouldn't +like each other. Indeed, I feel quite sure. + +Poor Clara came to my room while I was reading letters, and she says she +is blighted by Mr. Brewer and knows she can never get over it. She says +she wouldn't have him know that she has the next room and can hear every +word for anything, for she says it's perfectly awful all she's +overhearing. She says he called Mrs. Brewer "Ladybug," and it sounded so +sweet that she cried for fifteen minutes with the pillow around her +head to keep them from hearing her. I'm awfully sorry about Clara, +because she is always so sincere. Don't you remember that time that she +was so sincere that they were afraid that she would commit suicide over +Cleever Wiggins--and that awfully sincere time she had with young Prof. +Cook? She says she could stand anything if she could feel that she was +reciprocated; but she says she can't feel that Mr. Brewer reciprocates +one bit, for he told his wife that he bet Clara would be an older maid +than her aunt before she got through with life, and Clara says that's no +compliment, however you work it. + +When we went down-stairs, Mr. Peters and Uncle were playing poker and +Miss Clara Emily was sitting by them looking rapt. Heavens! I do hope +it will stop raining and let us get away soon, for Uncle told me this +noon that she was more unlike Aunt Jane than any woman that he had seen +in years. Lee says he hopes we can get away very soon, too; he does not +like Ellsworth Grimm. It is a pity, because Ellsworth has grown so nice, +and with his pointed beard he is really very handsome. He has done a +beautiful sketch of me that every one but Lee thinks is splendid, and +I'm going to send it to you when it is finished. Uncle is very +good-tempered, and has won over a hundred and fifty francs from Mr. +Peters at poker. Mr. Peters says he's played poker for years without +meeting such a rattling winner as Uncle, and Uncle believes him. The +two Tripps want to go on, too, because they decided to wait for their +money at London, and they are afraid they are going to run short. Mr. +Brewer wants to go, too, because he has finished his German book. I +think we all want to go, because two days is a long while to spend in +Vire. Clara says if they cannot go on in the automobile, she must take a +train, for she is getting more and more sincere the more she is hearing +Mr. Brewer talking to his wife through the wall. Clara says he said that +he was going to snip her nose off when they were dressing this morning, +and she says he calls her "Puss" till Clara feels as if she should +expire in agony. She doesn't get any sympathy from Emily, because Emily +has another room, and Emily isn't sincere, anyhow. Emily has thrown +over the two Tripps and taken Mr. Stowell, and thrown over Mr. Stowell +and gone back to the big Tripp, all in just these two days. Emily asked +me if I ever saw such a fool as Clara; she says it almost kills her to +have such a sister and such an aunt. She asked me if I'd noticed her +aunt looking at my Uncle, and I had to say yes. Then she said she did +hope that it would stop raining pretty soon, for she wants to get to +Granville and meet a man and get letters from three more. + +[Illustration: "Miss Clara Emily is getting very much in earnest"] + +Uncle came into my room this afternoon noon and said the more he saw of +Europe the better he liked it, and that Mr. Peters was the sort of +friend that was worth making. He said he had decided to go on with +them to Mont St. Michel, because they were so urgent that he couldn't +well get out of it. He says he hopes I won't consider that he has +changed his opinion of Lee because he hasn't, but that he will say this +much, and that is, that the fact that a man like Mr. Peters will call +Lee his friend proves that he must have some good in him somewhere. +Uncle said the Kingsleys seem to be nice girls, and then he coughed, but +I didn't say anything, so he dropped the subject. I must tell you, +though, that Miss Clara Emily is getting very much in earnest, and every +one is noticing it, and Uncle seems pleased. + +We all played cards to-day and wrote letters and Lee told Ellsworth +Grimm he was a blank idiot under his breath. I don't know what was the +trouble, and Lee says it isn't any of my business, but I think we are +all getting cross from being shut up so much in this little country +hotel. Elfrida and her sister arrived about noon, but there wasn't any +spare room under two francs, and so they went to the other hotel. +Ellsworth Grimm has gone to the other hotel, too. He says it rains in +his ceiling and he's afraid he'll get pneumonia. + +It's getting awful about poor Clara and Mr. Brewer, for he said +something about her to-day that almost killed her, and that is so bad +that she won't repeat it to me. She says Mrs. Brewer just shrieked with +laughter over it, and told him he was the dearest, horridest thing +alive. Clara says I cannot possibly guess the torture of being sincere +over a married man who howls with laughter over you in the next room. +She says she can't help hearing, and she's taken an awful cold standing +with her ear to the wall, too. Poor Clara! + +Emily and the big Tripp went out and walked in the rain most all the +afternoon, and I thought she must be very fond of him to be willing to +get so wet; but she says all she's done here she's done to make Jim +Freeman jealous. I was so surprised when she told me that, for Jim has +spent the entire two days with the chauffeur under the automobile. They +have only come out to eat and sleep, and if he is in love with Emily, +he is certainly taking it easy. + + + _Vire_ (_12 M. next day_). + +Oh, Mama, we are so tired of this place! Clara has cried herself sick, +and her aunt sent for the doctor. Mr. and Mrs. Brewer heard through the +wall when he came, and heard that it was Clara, and of course they knew +that Clara must have heard them just as well as they could hear the +doctor, and they nearly went crazy. Mrs. Brewer came to me in a sort of +mad despair and said Mr. Brewer was almost wild. She says she has +mimicked Clara and Emily and their aunt over and over, and she never +dreamed that the wall was so thin. She says Mr. Brewer talks all the +time he dresses and undresses and says anything that comes into his +head. They felt perfectly unable to face Clara again, and it was raining +so hard that they couldn't go on, so they moved over to the other hotel. + + + _Vire_ (_2 P.M. same day_). + +It's very funny, but it seems that the little Tripp was dreadfully taken +with Mrs. Brewer, so the two Tripps have moved over to the other hotel, +too. Mr. Stowell and Emily want to go, too, but they are with parties, +and cannot do as they please. The big Tripp came back for his soap, and +said he had a fireplace and now Uncle wants to move, too. + + + _Vire_ (_4 P.M. same day_). + +We did move, and Lee said if we went, he was going. So he and Mr. Peters +and Mr. Stowell have come over. So we are all here except the Kingsleys +and Jim Freeman. I had to go back for Uncle's soap, and the little Tripp +left his pajamas, so we went back together to get both, and poor Clara +is delirious, screaming, "Yellow kids, yellow kids!" every minute. Every +one thinks she is thinking of shopping in Paris, and I didn't explain; +but while we were there, Mr. Brewer came back for their soap and heard +Clara, and, as a result, he and his wife went on in their automobile, +rain or no rain. They left one of their men named Scott McCarthy, and +took Ellsworth Grimm. Ellsworth wanted to go, and Scott wanted to stay, +so it happened very nicely. + + + _Vire_ (6 P.M. _same day_). + +They have just moved Clara over here. She had a fresh fit when she heard +Mr. Brewer getting the soap, and Miss Clara Emily thought that a change +of scene would benefit her; so they all moved over. Emily told me (I +walked over with Emily when she went back to get their soap) that it +really wasn't Clara at all: it was that her aunt wanted to keep close to +my Uncle. Isn't it awful? And Uncle is so flattered, too! I do hope that +it will stop raining to-morrow. Lee doesn't like Scott McCarthy, and it +is a pity, for he seems to be such a nice man. It's terribly dull +without Mrs. Brewer, she was so lively. Mr. Peters is beginning to look +real pale, and Lee says he ought to have a monument to patience erected +to him. Jim Freeman is worried over the automobiles; he's afraid +something will happen to them on account of our all changing hotels. +Wouldn't that be terrible? + + Lovingly, + YVONNE. + + + _Vire_ (_8 A.M. next day_). + +P. S. Just a line to say that the sun has come out, and that we are +all going on by train, except Jim Freeman and the chauffeur. Some one +slashed all the automobile tires last night. Isn't that awful? + + + + +XII + +UNCLE JOHN AND MONT-SAINT-MICHEL + + +"Well, this is a great change from the automobile--eh, Peters? Of all +the outrageous, heathenish actions, that cutting of automobile tires was +the worst. Every man at that hotel ought to be hung up and high-strung +and quartered--make an example of the whole outfit. I must say, though, +that I blame Freeman a good deal myself. He says he felt anxious, and +yet he never had that chauffeur set up to watch. Foolish, very foolish; +but he'll pay the penalty, having to stay there and wait for the tires +from Caen. + +"Lee, if you could withdraw yourself somewhat from the window, perhaps I +could form some faint conception of what the country looks like to the +north. If you and Yvonne want to compare maps, I should suggest that you +sit side by side instead of holding the map so that it completely covers +my horizon. + +"Well, Peters, and so here we are off for Dol. Dol seems to be the only +way to get in or out of Brittany and it must have been so always, for in +Matilda's tapestry she's got William and Harold on their way to Dol as a +beginning to making things hot for the Lord of Brittany. Very +interesting study, that tapestry, Peters. I wouldn't have-- + +"Stowell, I beg your pardon, but those are my feet, and not valises, +that you are going to sleep against. I didn't say anything as long as +you took them as they lay, but now that you want my left foot slanting +to the right, I must protest. Suppose you end yourself the other way for +a change, anyhow. + +"Well, Peters, and so we are off for Mont-Saint-Michel, bless her old +heart--or is Michel a him? I must say, I'm deeply interested in to-day's +expedition. Wasn't some English Henry shut up on Mont-Saint-Michel and +fed by ravens there, or something like that? Yes; I know there's some +such legend, and now we're going to see the spot. How do we get from +Dol to the mont? By Pontorson, eh? And then diligence the rest. Well, I +must say it sounds like quite an undertaking; but then, if you leave the +beaten path, you must always pay the price, and I must say I enjoy these +little jaunts with a congenial party. Too bad the Kingsleys couldn't +have continued with us. Nice people, the Kingsleys--very interesting +girls. What did you say? Oh, yes, of course the aunt was interesting, +too; but--what did you say? Nonsense, nonsense! But I will say one +thing, Peters, and that is that it pays to travel around when it brings +one in contact with people such as yourself and Miss Kingsley. + +"So this is Pontorson! Do we get down here? Is that the diligence? Do +we get up there? Great Scott! how can we? And it looks to be about full +already. Do you mean that we have got to climb that little ladder? I +don't believe Yvonne can. I don't believe she ought to, even if she can. +Can't we go to Mont-Saint-Michel some other way? Peters, I'd like to +slay with my own hands that wretch that slashed our automobile. Will you +think of the difference he is making in our comfort these days? + +"Well, Stowell, let's see you skin up there first. Looks easy, don't it, +Peters? Lee, you go next. Now, Peters, it's your turn. And now, Yvonne, +my child, steady, and start and keep right on to the end. +There--there--catch her on top anywhere, Peters. Got her? Are you all +right, child? And now for your Uncle John! + +"Ask him if this is a new ladder. I don't want to take any chances with +an old ladder, you know. Well, what did he say? Ask him if people ever +do fall or meet with any sort of accidents going up. Well, what did he +say? Peters, this looks more serious every minute. What do they have the +thing so high for, anyhow? I must say I don't like going up there at +all. Ask him if he has ever known anyone to miss their footing? Well, +tell him to keep a good grip on the ladder. Now then, one, two,--oh, +this is--confound him! tell him to steady it--Great Scott! Landed! + +"And now that I am up, tell me how in all creation I'm ever to get down +again. + +"Well, why don't we start? That's the worst of Europe, Peters--no push, +no energy. Perfectly content to sit on a diligence and stagnate. Let me +look at my watch. Eleven. Well, I'm not at all surprised. I wouldn't be +surprised at anything that might occur in this vicinity. I tell you, +Peters, it will be a glad day for me when I set my foot down hard on a +New York steamer pier once more. I can't but feel-- + +"Ah, so we are to get under way at last! Lumbering old concern--eh, +Peters? Great contrast to the automobile--Lee, as there may be some one +speaking English within a mile of us, I would suggest that you lower +your voice a trifle and give the other fellow a chance. What? I don't +catch what you say? Speaking to _me_? Who's speaking to me? _You?_ Well, +what do you want to say to me? I'm right here to be spoken to, and from +the outlook I should fancy that I was going to be right here for an +indefinite length of time. Well, what is it? The Brewers! Where? Ahead +there? How do you know? Are you sure? What do you think, Peters? Yes, +that's them. Brewer seems to be underneath the machine. Well, what shall +we do? Wave and holler? We can't do anything else if we want to. But +they are going to be a good deal surprised to see us perched aloft like +this. Yes; there's Mrs. Brewer sitting on the bank with McCarthy and +the other man. I'd rather be the guests than the owner when it comes to +an automobile any day. + +"Well, why don't you holler, Lee? That's it--make a trumpet out of your +hands and just give it to them. Gee! but they are surprised! Holler that +we are going to Mme. Poulard Aine. I suppose that they're going there, +too, anyway; no one ever goes anywhere else. Dear me! but they're happy +to have that automobile. Lucky for them that they went on just when they +did. There's Brewer crawling out from under. Well, I can't stay twisted +any longer, so we'll turn our eyes once more to the future. + +"What's that ant-hill out at sea? It isn't the sea, though, is it? It's +land; gray sand, I vow. And so that is Mont-Saint-Michel? Curious. Used +to be on land, eh, and then got to be on sea? It appears to me that we +have quite a drive before us yet. Looks to me to be three or four miles. +What do you say, Peters? Of course I don't know, how big the mont is, so +I have nothing to judge the distance by; but I should say three miles at +least. + +"Stowell, I've heard that story you are telling ever since I was born; +who ever told you that it was new ought to be shot. This tendency to +tell old stories is a perfect vice with some people, Peters, and that +brother of yours is forever doing it. I've heard him tell about calling +the cabman a pig in France and asking him if he was engaged in Germany +until I'm about to the end of my patience. Great Scott! how hot the sun +is, and no matter how gaily we lumber along, the mont looks to be +equally distant. What is this road we're on, anyway? Seems to be a +highway in the most literal sense of the word. Dike, eh? Built on +purpose for tourists, I suppose--the American tourists before all, I'll +bet. + +"Well, so that is the mont close to. Appears to just comfortably cover +up the whole island. Curious collection of houses and staircases topped +off by a church. However, my main care at this moment isn't what we've +come to see, but how in thunder we're to get down to see it. Well, the +people line up pretty thick, and they have the additional joy of knowing +that every last one of us is a tourist. That's one good thing about +America, Peters, you can travel there without being a tourist. You pay a +stiff price for very little, but that little's good, and the game ends +with it. Europe's entirely different: what turns on the light over the +wash-stand turns it off over the bed, and then, with all that, they mark +light extra in the bill. There don't seem to be any legitimate hotel +comforts here: they're all extra. I vow, I hate to take that hard-wood +bolster out from under my head nights, for it's the one thing I get for +nothing in every hotel. + +"Well, Yvonne, I think you'd better go down first. You go next, +Stowell, and then you, Lee. You and I, Peters, will wait and take our +time. I vow, I'm not very keen on this descent. Just hold my hat, will +you? Here, you, down there, hold this ladder steady. Peters, I--where's +the next step? Peters, you--where's the bottom? I vow I-- + +"Safe at last! quaint old place--old wall with a gate in it, eh! +Fishing-rods and oars all about; when does the tide come in? Faster than +a horse can gallop, eh? Well, that must be sad for the horse. Anyhow, I +didn't ask how fast it came in; I asked when it would come in next. +Well, ask some one. An hour after we leave, eh? Interesting. But come +on; let's go up to Mme. Poulard Aine and eat the omelet, and then we +can climb around some. You walk on, Yvonne, and order the luncheon, and +Mr. Peters and I will come leisurely after. Yes, my niece is a pretty +girl, Peters, but nothing but a child--nothing but a child. No more idea +of worldliness than a cat has of a cactus; a great responsibility to +travel with--a great responsibility. Between you and me, I used to +suspect young Reynolds of paying her attention; but when he took another +ship over, and then left Paris before we arrived, I saw my suspicions +had been wrong. I said a thing or two about him to Yvonne, and she took +it perfectly placidly, so then I saw that it was all off. I don't like +to run down a friend of yours, Peters,--and I suppose he must be a +friend of yours or you wouldn't have him along with you,--but you're old +enough to see that he hasn't got the stuff in him to make any girl +happy. He's too--too--well, I can't just express it, but I know that you +understand. It takes peculiar attributes to make a woman happy. Now, +take me for example. My wife and I were very happy; she always knew just +what was expected of her, and she always did it. It followed naturally +that-- + +"And so this is the famous omelet-place. Well, in we go. Quaint--very +quaint. Look at the chickens turning on the spit and dripping in a +trough. My, but they look good! Mme. Poulard herself, isn't it? Good +day, ma'am; bon jour--bon jour. Glory, what a smile, stereoscoped and +illuminated! Makes me think of the china cat's head that we used to put +a candle inside of when I was a kid. Do we go upstairs? Eat up there, +eh? Quaint--very quaint. Every fellow did what he pleased to these +walls, evidently. Well, Peters, let's sit down." + +"And so we now set out to climb Mont-Saint-Michel. Picturesque flight of +steps. No, I don't mind climbing--good exercise. Curious little winding +walk; old woman with baskets to sell. No, we don't want any; go 'way, go +'way. Terrible nuisance such people. Here's another with yellow flowers. +No, no, go 'way, you--and another with matches. No, no, go 'way. Well, +that's a pretty tall flight of steps, isn't it, Peters? But I guess we +can make it. Where's Yvonne? Ahead, eh? Well, I presume those two +fellows can look out for her. Curious about the Brewers not turning up; +suppose he's under the automobile yet? Wonder how Freeman is getting on +in Vire. Let's stop and look at the view. Fine view! As I was saying, +Peters, it was too bad the way we broke up at Vire. I really felt mean +over leaving as we did. What did you say? Nonsense; none of that, +Peters, none of that. But I will say one thing for her: she certainly +was a woman of great perception--always thoughtful for others. Did you +notice how she used to push the ash-receiver toward me? It's things +like that that make a man comfortable. Astonishing that such a woman +should never marry. Well, let's go on. Not more than ninety more steps +and two flower women to get over. Peters, have you observed how many +stairs there are in Europe? It fairly bristles with them. We go pretty +nearly stair-free with us, and over here it's stairs from dawn till-- + +"Great Scott, will you look at them! Oh, I never can go up there, never! +We may as well go back. If you want to, you can go up; but I couldn't +possibly see anything that would compensate me for those steps. I'll bet +there are ten thousand, and like as not there are more beyond. I'm +going back and sit with Mme. Poulard Aine till it's time to go. You go +on alone. Just tell him we don't want any of those oyster-shell +pincushions first, will you? Then you go on by yourself, Peters, I've +had enough." + + + + +XIII + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _St. Malo._ + +Dearest Mama: We are all here together again except the Brewers and the +two Tripps and Ellsworth Grimm. It is very jolly, only I am so worried +over Uncle and Miss Clara Emily. Even Mr. Peters cannot keep them apart. +Lee took Mr. Peters to his room and talked to him seriously, and offered +to make Uncle still more worth his while; but Mr. Peters has been +agreeable so long that he doesn't do it well any more. He just looks +silly, and Lee says if he was us he'd let Uncle go rip. But of course +Lee isn't us, and I know that he can't be expected to know just how we +feel. If Uncle John marries Miss Clara Emily, I know no one is going to +like it at all. + +[Illustration: In Mont-Saint-Michel] + +We went to Mont-Saint-Michel, and every one but Uncle went up, and he +went seven flights up--he _says_ twenty, but I don't believe that there +are more than sixteen or seventeen in all. We were ahead, and never knew +that he had stopped being behind, and it was so interesting on top that +I forgot I had an uncle. There are beautiful halls and cloisters, and +then one goes down through all sorts of horrors while the guide tells +who lived five years in this hole and who lived twelve years under +those steps. You get to have such a contempt for people who were in +prison only one or two years over here--as if they ought to be ashamed +of only having been in such a short time. There is a ghostly, ghastly +museum in Mont-Saint-Michel where the visitors walk through an unlighted +gallery and look in at wax victims doing different things in a very +thoughtful manner--all but one man who walked on the sand and was +overtaken by the tide, and _he_ looks anything but thoughtful. The best +was the battle, which was very realistic and must have been very trying +to the leaders; for how could they get absorbed in a fight when the tide +would drown them if they kept on a minute too long? There was a man who +thought he would escape, and dug a way out with his nails, taking a +short life-time to the task; and then he found he'd dug in instead of +out, and, after letting himself down with a rope, he came to a bottom +all covered with skeletons. I can assure you that I was glad we were all +together and that Lee had my arm tight, for the scenes were awful, and I +grew so sick toward the last that when we came down at the end and found +Uncle sitting on the ramparts with Miss Clara Emily, I nearly screamed. +They had all come while we were above, and Emily and some men were out +walking on the sand. Clara is somewhat better; but I think she is even +more sincere than usual this time. In her locket she has some plaster +from the wall that she heard through, and she says she sleeps with it +pressed to her lips. And I _know_ that Miss Clara Emily is going to do +everything in the world to get Uncle, for Emily says she was traveling +just with a little hand-satchel, and now she insists on a suit-case. Oh, +dear, I don't know what to do; and Lee is tired of the situation, and +wants to go yachting, and I want to go with him. It would be so lovely +off yachting with Lee; and the yacht is anchored where we can see her +from the city walls. Lee is forever pointing to her. He says Mr. Stowell +would let him have her for a month, any day. + +We passed the Brewers on our way to Mont-Saint-Michel, but they must +have seen the Kingsleys and gone back. Mrs. Brewer told me in Vire that +they could never meet the Kingsleys again; she said that Mr. Brewer said +if he should meet Clara he knew he should explode. I don't think that +Mr. Brewer has much heart or he never would have called poor Clara a +Yellow Kid; I've known Clara ever since I was a baby, and it never +struck me that she looked like that till she told me that Mr. Brewer +said so. + +[Illustration: "Uncle sitting on the ramparts with Miss Clara Emily"] + +We all took the tram-ride to Rocabey yesterday, but one is so afraid +that a wave will wash over the car and drench every one with spray that +it isn't much fun. The tide is so funny all along this coast, because +the coast is so level that a foot of water covers a mile or so, and when +a wave starts to come in there's nothing to stop it at all. I don't +think that St. Malo is very interesting, but perhaps that is just Uncle +and Miss Clara Emily. He sends her violets, and I know it is he, for +it couldn't be Mr. Peters or Mr. Stowell, and it wouldn't be Jim Freeman +or Scott McCarthy. She wears them pinned on in such a funny way. + + +(NEXT DAY) + + _St. Malo._ + +Dearest Mama: Edna has sent me the letter about your coming over, and I +am so relieved. Perhaps you will get here in time to save Uncle from +Miss Clara Emily; I do hope so. Edna's things must be lovely, and I read +her letter to Lee. He says if I'm good I will have some things of my own +some day, and I do hope so; but Uncle is so heavy on my mind that I +cannot realize that I shall ever have any life except trying to keep +him from Miss Clara Emily. Mr. Peters is no good at all any more, and +has a bad cold besides. He and Clara sit on the ramparts and gaze at the +sea, and look as if they were two consolation prizes that the people who +won didn't care enough about to take home with them. Lee says he never +realized that Mr. Peters could peter out quite so completely. Lee wants +to go yachting, and wants me to go, too, and I can't leave Uncle, and +Uncle won't leave Miss Clara Emily. It's quite stupid here at St. Malo, +and we want to go on; but Lee won't go on, and I'd rather stay in a +stupid place with Lee than go anywhere without him. He's mad over the +Kingsleys tagging along, because he likes Scott McCarthy less and less +all the time. Scott walks on the other side of me sometimes, and Lee +doesn't like it. I think land is getting on Lee's nerves, and he ought +to go yachting; but life is such a tangle just now that I don't know +what to do about anything. Miss Clara Emily is hemstitching a +handkerchief, and I just know that it is for Uncle. Oh, dear. + + +(NEXT DAY) + + _St. Malo._ + +Dearest Mama: Such an awful thing almost happened! Clara had a +nightmare, and came near choking to death on Mr. Brewer's plaster--the +locket, you know. Uncle says only a prompt, efficient, quick-witted, +thoroughly capable nature like Miss Clara Emily's could have saved her. +Oh, I just know he's becoming serious, and Lee says it's just tommy-rot +about the efficiency, because all in the world that Miss Clara Emily did +was to jerk the locket up by the chain; and she did that in such an +awfully quick way that poor Clara says she's cured of Mr. Brewer +forever. She will have to eat soup through a china straw for several +days. + +Uncle wants to go to Carnac and see the ruins of the Stone Age, and he +and Miss Clara Emily are mapping out a trip. I'm sure I don't know what +I'll do, for Scott McCarthy has bet Mr. Stowell ten dollars that Uncle +gets "hooked" in Carnac. Lee told me, and Lee himself is provisioning +the yacht, and says he's cock-sure that he eats some of those +provisions aboard of her himself. Emily doesn't want to go to Carnac, +and Jim Freeman says it isn't any automobile country, on account of the +relics of the Stone Age being so thick in the roads. + + +(NEXT DAY) + + _St. Malo._ + +Dearest Mama: Why didn't you write me that Mrs. Whalen was coming +abroad? She arrived last night on the Jersey boat, and saw Uncle and +Miss Clara Emily on the ramparts through her marine glasses. She hunted +us up at once, for she says that affair must stop right where it is. She +asked if you approved of Lee, and when I told her that you did, she said +then she had nothing to say. Lee introduced her to Mr. Peters, and she +sent him straight to bed and had them poultice his chest and +mustard-plaster his back, for she says his cold may run into anything. I +took her up to Clara, and she sent out for sweet oil, and stopped the +china straw, and set her to gargling. She says it's awful the amount she +finds to do everywhere she goes, and she was in a train accident before +she came to the steamer, and you ought to hear how she chopped people +out. The shade in my room didn't work, and she put a chair on a +wash-stand, and fixed it with a screw-driver that she carries in her +pocket. Jim Freeman wants her to go under the automobile with him; but +she says since she's a widow she never goes anywhere alone with one +man. Uncle and Miss Clara Emily came in just then, and the effect was +paralyzing. Uncle turned red, and poor Miss Clara Emily nearly sank to +the floor. Mrs. Whalen advanced toward them as if she were a general +leading a cavalry charge afoot, and said: "Well, so the old folks have +been out sunning themselves!" Did you ever hear of anything more cruel? +Miss Clara Emily looked blue with rage, and said she must go to Clara, +and Mrs. Whalen said: "John, come with me," and took Uncle off behind +some palms, and Lee and I went away so as not to be anywhere when he +came out. + +We didn't come back until nearly six, and Lee said he supposed we'd +find Uncle and Mr. Peters learning to play "old maid"; but when we came +in, Uncle was reading a New York paper about a month old, and Mrs. +Whalen had gone out with Scott McCarthy to buy Clara a hot-water bag. +Miss Clara Emily was upstairs packing, to take Clara to a specialist +somewhere else. Mrs. Whalen came to my room after dinner, and said I +must rub kerosene or vaseline into my hair every night for a month. I +don't want to, but I'm so grateful about Uncle that I'll pour a lamp +over myself if she wants me to. Uncle came to my room a while later and +said: "Hum!" and shook his watch, and held it to his ear. I don't think +he liked being broken up with Miss Clara Emily, but he only said that +he was going out on the yacht to-morrow (that's to-day), and for me to +consider myself in Mrs. Whalen's charge for the time being. + +He went away early this morning with Mr. Peters and Jim Freeman and Lee, +and Mrs. Whalen and I saw the Kingsleys off for Rennes at noon. I'm sure +Miss Clara Emily felt dreadfully over Uncle, and Emily says she's more +than ever ashamed of having such an aunt. Emily told me that if an +Englishman came on this afternoon's boat from Jersey, to tell him they'd +gone to Dol. She didn't want him in Rennes, because she knows two French +officers in Rennes. It was not a very nice day for traveling, for there +is such a wind they won't be able to have the windows down at all, and +you know it's only fun when you have the windows down. Mrs. Whalen says +she'd have the windows down anyway; she says she'd like to see the +Frenchman that she wouldn't put a window down in his face, if she felt +like it. I asked her where she was going next, and she said she had no +idea, but she thought to Dol and Mont-Saint-Michel, as long as she is so +near. She says it was a stroke of luck her happening here just in time +to save Uncle; she's positive he was holding her hand through the marine +glasses. She says it's good she came about Mr. Peters, too, not to speak +of Clara. + +[Illustration: "Mrs. Whalen has just come in to say she's going to Dol"] + +It keeps blowing more, and Scott McCarthy says that they'll be out all +night. Lee will like that, and Uncle won't, and Uncle will see that Lee +likes it and then he won't like Lee. Oh, dear! But I mustn't mind +anything as long as Miss Clara Emily is gone. + +Mrs. Whalen has just come in to say that she's going to Dol, so as to +see the tide come in at Mont-Saint-Michel, and to measure out the ginger +so I can make Mr. Peters the tea. I'm sure I'm glad she is going, for +she makes me so tired and nervous, always hopping up to fix something +with her screw-driver, and I want to wash the petroleum out of my hair +before Lee comes back. He doesn't like the smell of petroleum at all. I +offered to help her pack, but she doesn't pack. She wears a sort of +night-gown for underwaist and petticoat together, and the front of her +blouse has pockets inside for all her toilet things. She says she washes +one garment every night, and buys a clean handkerchief each Saturday and +Wednesday, and has a pocket for her letter of credit sewed to her +corset. I think it is awful to be so very convenient. + + + _Later._ + +She went and never said a thing about me, for it left me all alone with +Scott McCarthy, and I know Lee won't like that at all. The mail came, +and I thought I'd better say I had a headache and come up here to stay +alone till Uncle comes back. I had all your letters and Edna's. Edna is +so happy, and everything goes so smooth for her and Harry that I'm +almost sorry some days that I'm Uncle's favorite. Lee wants to tell +Uncle right out and be done with it; but I want to wait for a favorable +time, and every time that things begin to look favorable something +unexpected happens to make him say "Hum." It is so trying. Edna says +she's getting a lot of things twice over so that I can have half, and +she says she thinks we ought to be coming back so as to meet you. I +can't make her understand how helpless I am, for I can't do anything +with Uncle unless I'm alone with him enough to make him think that I +want to do something else. And Lee thinks it is an outrage and says he +has rights, too. I do think that if I didn't love Lee I would be really +glad to have the world all women, men are so difficult to get along +with. + +But, you know, no matter what I say, I'm having a lovely time after all, +and I _am_ grateful to Uncle for having brought us. + + Lovingly, + YVONNE. + +P. S. It is ten o'clock, and the yacht never came in. If Uncle gets +seasick in a storm, he'll never want to lay eyes on Lee again, and he'll +_never_ forgive me. + + + + +XIV + +YVONNE TO HER MOTHER + + + _Carnac._ + +Dear Mama: I'm just about in despair, and Lee doesn't know where I am. +We reached Carnac last night, and Uncle is "hum-ming" like a top, so to +speak. But I must tell you all about it. + +The yacht got too far out, and the new thumb-screw, or whatever it is on +a yacht, stuck, and they blew and pitched until they pitched on to the +Island of Jersey, where Lee and Uncle went ashore for Lee to send a +machinist aboard. While Lee was busy, Uncle just quietly went aboard the +Jersey boat and came back to St. Malo without saying please or thank you +to a soul. He walked in on me and told me we were to leave for Dol the +next day, and for Heaven's sake not to remind him of Aunt Jane by asking +questions. I was dreadfully upset, but of course I never thought for a +minute of reminding him of Aunt Jane, so I packed that evening and left +a letter for Lee telling him please not to be vexed. We took an early +train for Dol (it's always Dol in Brittany), and in Dol we changed for +Rennes. Of course I thought that Uncle was chasing Miss Clara Emily when +I saw the train marked Rennes, but I didn't dare say a word, for he +never spoke but once between Dol and Rennes, and that time all he said +was "Hum." + +[Illustration: A Street in Auray] + +We reached Rennes, and I thought we would go to a hotel; but we changed +cars again--this time for Redon. Uncle spoke again, and asked me if I +had the Gaelic grammar handy. I said no, and he said "Hum." Then we +reached Redon and changed cars again for Auray. Going to Auray, Uncle +asked me what became of Mrs. Whalen, and when I told him that she went +to Mont-Saint-Michel, he said her husband was a lucky man to be dead. +Then we came to Auray and changed cars for Plouharnel, and I began to +wonder why we didn't run off the end of Brittany into the sea. We +reached Plouharnel about four in the afternoon, and took a tram for +Carnac at once, and when we reached Carnac Uncle said to pardon the +personality of the statement, but that he never again would try to keep +up with the eternal activity of a young person. I thought that that was +pretty hard when I didn't even know where we were going, but I didn't +say anything, and when he went to wash, I gave the waiter an extra tip +to feed us quickly. After Uncle ate, we went out and walked around +Carnac a very little and saw all the people in their black velvet +hat-ribbons and short jackets; but when I said they looked picturesque, +Uncle said that they looked like darned fools, so we came home, and now +we are going to bed. I have written Lee, but I don't know when he will +get it, because of course it will have to go backward through all these +changes. + +[Illustration: "When he went to wash I gave the waiter an extra tip to +feed us quickly"] + + +(NEXT DAY) + + _Carnac._ + +Dearest Mama: Uncle woke up ever so much better this morning, and told +me that he pitied any poor wretch who has ever been sicker than he was +on "that d----d yacht." He said, too, that any one who could suppose for +a minute that he should have any serious intentions toward such a woman +as Miss Clara Emily would be even more of an utter idiot than Mrs. +Whalen appeared to be. He said, too, that the ticket-agent who told him +that Carnac was an easy place to go to, ought to be strangled by the +first traveler who got back alive from the effects of believing him to +be telling the truth. He said, too, that if he survived Europe and +reached home again, he'd get in a bathtub and know when he was well off +for one while. He said, too, that when he had once looked around the +Stone Age he was going to head for Paris with a speed which he rather +guessed would cause the natives to open their eyes. + +[Illustration: "Broke the bell-rope ordering breakfast"] + +Then he went to his room and broke the bell-rope ordering breakfast. + +After breakfast we went to walk and saw more stone walls than I ever saw +before. There isn't a wooden house or fence in the whole of Brittany, I +believe. We walked to a tiny village called St. Columban's, and climbed +the tower of the little church. There was a fine view, but Uncle said he +could smell the oysters for miles around, so we came down right off and +walked back. There was a girl who said she would drive us all over in +the afternoon, and let us take the night train from Auray; so we +returned to the hotel and had an early lunch, and then she came to the +door with a shaky old thing like a carry-all and a fat little horse, and +we started. + +Mama, you never saw anything like Uncle. Everything was wrong at +first--every living thing, and the one saving grace of the situation was +that the girl who drove couldn't speak English. But after a while we +came to the first menhirs, and Uncle just about went into a fit. They +are the most curious things I ever saw, for they stand in parallel rows +miles long and every one is resting on its little end and has been +resting on its little end for thousands of years. At the first glance +Uncle said they were arranged so just for tourists; but he got out and +walked around them and tried to shake one or two, and then he said he +wouldn't have missed seeing them for the world and that he should never +regret coming to Europe as long as he might live hereafter. He was +perfectly lovely for a while after that, and we looked at dolmens and +cromlechs the whole afternoon, and sometimes we thought they were +hay-mows when we saw them far ahead and sometimes we thought they were +houses. We only had one unfortunate time, and that was when we had to +ferry over the Crach. The ferry was on the other side, and that upset +Uncle right away and he asked me if my experience had ever led me to a +ferry that was _not_ on the other side. They took nearly half an hour to +bring it across, and Uncle said that it would be a great day for Europe +if she ever learned what t-i-m-e spelt, and he looked at me as if I were +Europe while he said it. They are building a bridge over the Crach, and +as soon as we embarked on the rickety old ferry, it blew in between two +of the piers and wedged tight, with us on it. Uncle asked me if I was +going to have the face to tell him that we were not stuck and were not +going to be stuck there indefinitely, and I really didn't know _what_ to +answer. The men in the boat hollered and hauled and swore in Gaelic, and +finally we were free for fifty feet, and then the tide blew us in +between two other piers. Uncle said he could but feel that being stuck +twice on the same ferry was a poor reward for a kind-hearted man who was +trying to the best of his ability to give some species of instructive +amusement to an innocent girl, and then he looked severely at the +setting sun while we came loose again and progressed fifty feet more. A +great, thick wave came then and broke over the horse and smashed us in +so hard and fast that I was honestly scared. Uncle was too mad for +words. He said that he would just make one remark, and that was that if +he ever gave me a chance to beguile him away from civilization again he +would cheerfully and contentedly and silently end his days on any ferry +which I would choose to designate to him. It was getting cold, and I was +so tired from yesterday that I just shut my eyes and did not speak at +all, and when we came loose, Uncle spoke to me quite gently and was very +nice all the rest of the way. + +We were too late for the train and have come back to Carnac. I feel +about done up. + + +(NEXT DAY) + + _Carnac._ + +Dearest Mama: Lee and Edna and Mrs. Clary are all here. Just listen. Lee +looks like a ghost, and it seems that no one noticed Uncle go aboard +that Jersey boat because Uncle went aboard by a gang-plank that's +forbidden, and he thought that he was drowned, and they dragged the dock +and sent down divers, and finally came over to St. Malo to break the +news to me, having telegraphed Mrs. Clary and Edna to come at once. He +reached St. Malo only to find us gone, and they have been tracing us +with the automobile ever since. Lee is so glad Uncle is alive that he +keeps grabbing his hand and shaking it and shaking it, and Uncle says I +must not mention it to Lee, for it might go to his head, but that he is +one of the few young men who have a heart in the right place, and that +he has always had a special fondness for him ever since he was a baby. +Lee thinks that under the circumstances we had better tell Uncle +to-night, and we are going to. I feel rather nervous, but Lee says he +can never stand anything like these three days again. + +[Illustration: "He told Mrs. Clary that he had foreseen this finale to +our trip all along," etc.] + + + _Midnight of the same day._ + +My Own Dearest Mama: Uncle says yes! He says he has been carefully +scheming and planning to bring Lee and me together for years. He says +there are traits in Lee which are so like his own that he cannot but +admit that Lee is one of the very few men in this world calculated to +make a woman happy. He told Mrs. Clary that he had foreseen this finale +to our trip all along, and I do believe that he really believes himself. + +The Brewers arrived about nine o'clock to-night, and they are so +delighted. Mr. Brewer is so kind; he says Uncle must go to Locmariaquer +and around that way with them. I reckon he thinks I need a rest. We told +them about Clara and the locket, and I thought that they would die. Mr. +Brewer says that never a day passes without their remembering something +fresh which she must have overheard. + +I am so happy over Uncle that I hardly know what to do. He says it has +been the pleasantest trip of his life, this little tour with me, and +that Lee must never cease to treat me with the tender care which he has +given me all along. He says Lee must remember what a sensitive +organization a woman has and never indulge in temper or impatience or +strong language or sarcasm. Lee is very nice and says "Yes, sir," and +nods every time. I do think Lee gets nicer and nicer all the time. + +We start toward Paris to-morrow. + + Your awfully happy, + YVONNE. + + + + +XV + +UNCLE JOHN WELL CONTENT + + +"Well, Mrs. Brewer, this is certainly the only way to travel, after all. +Comfortable, clean,--for if there is a smell, some other fellow gets +it,--and no jolting. And now that I have that dear child established and +off my mind, I feel that I can conscientiously give myself a few days of +free and easy pleasure. I've done nothing up to now but consider Yvonne +and her needs, mental and material, and although I love the child like +my own, still I cannot but admit that a young girl is a great care. And +of course you never can be positive that the right man will turn up. +However, all's well that ends well, and I'm happy to say that I'm ending +this little trip extremely well content. Some men might regret not +having seen more, but never me. You see, Brewer, I am one of the +easy-going, placid, serene type, and whatever turns up suits me +perfectly. I guess if you ask my family far and wide you won't find one +member to deny that statement, or if you do, you will just have the +kindness to let me know who it is and I'll take steps to prevent their +ever expressing such an opinion a second time. + +"Fine view here. Good road. Believe I'll have a machine of my own when +I get back to America. What's that island off at sea? Belle-Isle, eh? +Dumas' Belle-Isle? Very interesting. We might make a little excursion +out there, calling ourselves the Three Mousquetaires, eh? I'll be +d'Artagnan; I always fancy d'Artagnan. I tell you, Brewer, something +martial gets up and stirs around in my bosom as a result of this trip--a +sort of dare-devil, Robert-the-Devil, piratical, Crusader sort of a +thrill. I shall never be sorry that I came. The trip has not been one of +unmitigated joy. We have borne our crosses,--many crosses,--and yet I +will remark--and I'll swear it, too, if you like,--that I'm glad I came. + +"I've seen thoroughly every place I've been in. I've made my niece +enjoy life, and I've made every one else with whom I came in contact +enjoy life. I've won for her just the one man calculated to make her +happy, and now I am headed for the one land calculated to make me happy. + +"I'm glad that I came, I'm glad that I came." + + +THE END + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Seeing France with Uncle John, by Anne Warner + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEEING FRANCE WITH UNCLE JOHN *** + +***** This file should be named 35574.txt or 35574.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/5/7/35574/ + +Produced by Hazel Batey, Suzanne Shell and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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