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diff --git a/36664.txt b/36664.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..9e967f1 --- /dev/null +++ b/36664.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1397 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Goops and How to Be Them, by Gelett Burgess + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Goops and How to Be Them + +Author: Gelett Burgess + +Release Date: July 8, 2011 [EBook #36664] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GOOPS AND HOW TO BE THEM *** + + + + +Produced by David Edwards, David Garcia and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + + + + + +[Illustration: (front cover)] + + + + + + +GOOPS AND HOW TO BE THEM + + A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants + Inculcating many Juvenile Virtues + Both by Precept and Example + With Ninety Drawings + + +By GELETT BURGESS + +[Illustration] + + NEW YORK + Frederick A. Stokes Company + Publishers + + * * * * * + +COPYRIGHT, 1900, BY GELETT BURGESS + +TWENTY-THIRD PRINTING, MAY 9, 1935 + +_Printed in the United States of America_ + + * * * * * + +[Illustration: _To Agnes who is Not (always) a Goop!_] + +[Illustration: TABLE OF CONTENTS] + + + + +TABLE OF CONTENTS + + + Introduction _Page_ 1 + Table Manners--I 3 + Table Manners--II 5 + Cleanliness 7 + Neatness 9 + Courtesy 11 + Generosity 13 + Consideration 15 + Miss Manners 17 + Borrowing 19 + Memory 21 + Books 23 + Honesty 25 + "Why?" 27 + Bed-Time 29 + Modesty 31 + Disfiguration 33 + Bravery 35 + Tidiness 37 + Patience 39 + Fortitude 41 + George Adolphus 43 + Politeness 45 + Gentleness 47 + Hospitality 49 + Pets 51 + Remember 53 + Curiosity 55 + Willy 57 + Clothes 59 + Helpfulness 61 + Quietness 63 + Order 65 + Teasing 67 + Interruption 69 + Cry-Baby 71 + Caution 73 + Tardiness 75 + Obedience 77 + Church Headaches 79 + Perseverance 81 + Doll-Time 83 + Combing and Curling 85 + Cheerfulness 87 + +_Of these Rhymes, ten first appeared in_ "St. Nicholas," _and are here +reprinted by permission of the_ Century Company. + + +[Illustration: Introduction] + + + + +_INTRODUCTION_ + + + Let me introduce a Race + Void of Beauty and of Grace, + Extraordinary Creatures + With a Paucity of Features. + Though their Forms are fashioned ill, + They have Manners stranger still; + For in Rudeness they're Precocious, + They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious! + Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright, + Politeness from the Impolite. + When you've finished with the Book, + At your Conduct take a Look; + Ask yourself, upon the Spot, + _Are you Goop, or are you Not?_ + For, although it's Fun to See them + It is TERRIBLE to Be them! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Table Manners.--I.] + + + + +_TABLE MANNERS.--I._ + + + The Goops they lick their fingers, + And the Goops they lick their knives; + They spill their broth on the tablecloth-- + Oh, they lead disgusting lives! + The Goops they talk while eating, + And loud and fast they chew; + And that is why I'm glad that I + Am not a Goop--are you? + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Table Manners.--II.] + + + + +_TABLE MANNERS.--II._ + + + The Goops are gluttonous and rude, + They gug and gumble with their food; + They throw their crumbs upon the floor, + And at dessert they tease for more; + They will not eat their soup and bread + But like to gobble sweets, instead, + And this is why I oft decline, + When I am asked to stay and dine! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Cleanliness (top)] + + + + +_CLEANLINESS_ + + + The Goops they are spotted on chin and on cheek, + You could dig the dirt off with a trowel! + But _you_ wash your face twenty times every week, + And you don't do it _all_ with the towel! + + The Goops are all dirty, and what do they do? + They like to be dirty, and stay so. + But if _you_ were dirty, you'd wash, wouldn't you? + If you needed a bath, you would say so! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Neatness] + + + + +_NEATNESS_ + + + Goops leave traces everywhere-- + Gum stuck underneath the chair, + Muddy footprints in the hall, + Show that Goops have been to call; + Shoes and stockings on the floor + Show where Goops have been before! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Courtesy] + + + + +_COURTESY_ + + + I wonder why it is polite + In shaking hands, to give your _right_. + I wonder why it is refined + In passing one, to go _behind_. + I wonder why it is well-bred, + If you must sneeze, to turn your head. + Perhaps the reason is because + The Goops, they never have such laws! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Generosity] + + + + +_GENEROSITY_ + + + When you have candy, do you go + And give your sister half? + When little brother stubs his toe, + Do you look on and laugh? + + The greediest Goop would give away + The things he didn't need-- + To share the toys with which you play, + That's generous, indeed! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Consideration] + + + + +_CONSIDERATION_ + + + When you're old, and get to be + Thirty-four or forty-three, + Don't you hope that you will see + Children all respect you? + + Will they, without being told, + Wait on you, when you are old, + Or be heedless, selfish, cold? + I _hope_ they'll not neglect you! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Miss Manners] + + + + +_MISS MANNERS_ + + + No matter how you wish + For the last one on the dish, + Miss Manners has a right to it, not you; + And the largest one of all, + Or the nicest, big or small-- + Well, I think you'd better leave her _that_ one too! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Borrowing] + + + + +_BORROWING_ + + + Whose doll is that on the table? + Whose book is that on the chair? + The knife and the pencils and other utensils, + Now how do they come to be there? + + Didn't you say they were borrowed? + You'd better take back just a few! + If _you_ lent your playthings, I think you would say things + If no one returned them to you! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Memory] + + + + +_MEMORY_ + + + My teacher taught me, yesterday, + A very pretty piece to say; + But when I try to think of it, + I can't remember it a bit! + My head's so full of toys and such, + I can't remember very much! + + My teacher told me yesterday + "_Work when you work; Play when you play!_" + When I am playing with my toys + I am the busiest of boys; + But when I study or I work + I'm 'fraid I _am_ inclined to shirk! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Books] + + + + +_BOOKS_ + + + I have a notion + The Books on the shelves + Are just as much persons + As we are, ourselves. + + When you are older, + You'll find this is true; + You'd better be careful + To make Books like you! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Honesty] + + + + +_HONESTY_ + + + The boy who plays at marbles and doesn't try to cheat, + Who always keeps his temper, no matter if he's beat, + Is sure to be a favorite with all upon the street. + + The girl who counts her hundreds very fairly, when she's "it" + Who doesn't peep or listen, nor turn around a bit, + I'm sure she's not a Goop, in fact, she's quite the opposite! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: "Why?"] + + + + +"_WHY?_" + + + Josephus never yet was heard + To say but just one single word! + When father said to go to bed, + Then "_Why?_" was all Josephus said. + When mother bade him stop his play, + Then "_Why?_" Josephus used to say. + He always made the same reply. + 'Twas never anything but "WHY?" + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Bed-Time] + + + + +_BED-TIME_ + + + The night is different from the day-- + It's darker in the night; + How can you ever hope to play + When it's no longer light? + + When bed-time comes, it's time for you + To stop, for when you're yawning, + You should be dreaming what you'll do + When it's to-morrow morning. + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Modesty] + + + + +_MODESTY_ + + + The proper time for you to show + Whatever little tricks you know + Is when grown people ask you to; + _Then_ you may show what you can do! + But sometimes mother's head will ache + With all the jolly noise you make, + And sometimes other people, too, + Can't spend the time to play with you! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Disfiguration] + + + + +_DISFIGURATION_ + + Have you ever seen the scrawls + On the fences and the walls, + All the horrid little pictures and the horrid little names? + Don't you think it is a shame? + Are the Goops the ones to blame? + Did you ever catch them playing at their horrid little games? + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Bravery] + + + + +_BRAVERY_ + + + It's terrible brave + To try to save + A girl on a runaway horse; + You could do that, of course! + But think of trying + To keep from crying, + When you're hungry and tired and cross-- + You couldn't do _that_, of course! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Tidiness] + + + + +_TIDINESS_ + + + Little scraps of paper, + Little crumbs of food, + Make a room untidy, + Everywhere they're strewed. + + Do you sharpen pencils, + Ever, on the floor? + What becomes of orange-peels + And your apple-core? + + Can you blame your mother + If she looks severe. + When she says, "It looks to me + As if the Goops were here"? + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Patience] + + + + +_PATIENCE_ + + + The clock will go slow + If you watch it, you know; + You must work right along and forget it. + So study your best + Till it's time for a rest, + The clock will go fast, if you let it! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Fortitude] + + + + +_FORTITUDE_ + + + When you have been a naughty child, + Or taken more than was your share, + When you've been sulky, cross or wild, + You must not say, "Oh, I don't care!" + + But when you hate to see it rain, + And when it's time to comb your hair, + And when you have a little pain, + _Then_ you can say, "Oh, I don't care!" + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: George Adolphus] + + + + +_GEORGE ADOLPHUS_ + + + Oh, think what George Adolphus did! + The children point and stare. + He went where mother had forbid, + And said he "_didn't care!_" + + Oh, think what George Adolphus did! + He made his mother cry! + The children whoop "You are a Goop! + Fie! George Adolphus, fie!" + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Politeness] + + + + +_POLITENESS_ + + + I think it would be lots of fun + To be polite to every one; + A boy would doff his little hat, + A girl would curtsey, just like that! + + And both would use such words as these: + "_Excuse me, Sir_," and "_If you please_;" + Not only just at home, you know, + But everywhere that they should go. + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Gentleness] + + + + +_GENTLENESS_ + + + When you are playing with the girls, + You must not pull their pretty curls; + If you are gentle when you play, + You will be glad of it some day. + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Hospitality] + + + + +_HOSPITALITY_ + + + When a person visits you, remember he's your guest, + Receive him very kindly, and be sure he has the best; + Make him very comfortable and show him all your toys, + And only play the games you're very sure that he enjoys. + + When you pay a visit, never grumble or complain, + Try to be so affable they'll want you there again; + Don't forget the older ones, your hostess least of all, + When you're leaving tell her you have had a pleasant call! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Pets] + + + + +_PETS_ + + + Almost every Goop forgets + When it's time to feed his pets, + 'Cause his memory fails; + + Listen to his wails! + He is often scratched or bitten + By the puppy or the kitten, + 'Cause he pulls their tails! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Remember] + + + + +_REMEMBER_ + + + Remember not to suck your thumb; + Remember not to slam the door; + Remember when the callers come + To take your toys from off the floor. + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Curiosity] + + + + +_CURIOSITY_ + + + I think that it would help you much + If you'd remember _not to touch_. + The Goops do this, and they do more, + They peep and listen at the door! + They open bottles of cologne, + And feel of parcels not their own! + But there are many stupid folks + Who do not care for children's jokes. + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Willy] + + + + +_WILLY_ + + + Willy broke the window-pane. + Willy spilled the ink, + Willy left the water-pipe + Running in the sink! + + Did his mother punish him? + No! I'll tell you why. + Willy, he owned up to it, + And didn't tell a lie! + + Willy told his mother + Before she found it out + _He_ said: "I am so sorry!" + _She_ said "I have no doubt!" + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Clothes] + + + + +_CLOTHES_ + + + When you are playing in the dirt, + You should wear clothes you cannot hurt; + It will not matter, when they're worn, + If they are just a _little_ torn. + + But when you're really nicely dressed, + Be careful of your Sunday Best! + You must not crawl upon your knees; + Be careful of your elbows, please! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Helpfulness] + + + + +_HELPFULNESS_ + + + I never knew a Goop to help his mother, + I never knew a Goop to help his dad, + And they never do a thing for one another; + They are actually, absolutely bad! + + If you ask a Goop to go and post a letter, + Or to run upon an errand, _how_ they act! + But somehow I imagine you are better, + And you _try_ to go, and _cry_ to go, in fact! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Quietness] + + + + +_QUIETNESS_ + + + Hush! for your father is reading. + Hush! for your mother is ill. + Hush! for the baby + Is sleeping, and may be + He'll catch a nice dream if you're still. + Kiss me, and promise you will! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Order] + + + + +_ORDER_ + + + Make your soldiers march away, + When you're finished with your play. + Lead them to the barrack-box, + Make them carry all your blocks. + Teach your doll to go to bed, + Not to lie about instead; + Tell her she must clear away + Everything she's used to-day. + All your playthings and your toys + Must be trained like girls and boys! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Teasing] + + + + + +_TEASING_ + + + Tease to linger longer when your mother bids you go; + Tease to have a penny when your father answers, "No!" + Tease to have a story when your uncle doesn't please; + That's the way to be a Goop--_tease, tease, tease!_ + + Hint about the carriage when there's only room for three; + Hint about the toys you like and every doll you see; + Hint about the candy, say you're fond of peppermint; + That's the way to be a Goop--_hint, hint, hint!_ + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Interruption] + + + + +_INTERRUPTION_ + + + Don't interrupt your father when he's telling funny jokes; + Don't interrupt your mother when she's entertaining folks; + Don't interrupt the visitors when they have come to call,-- + In fact, it's generally wiser not to interrupt at all. + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Cry-Baby] + + + + +_CRY-BABY_ + + + I'm sure that I would rather die + Than have my playmates see me cry; + It twists your face + And knots your forehead, + And makes you look all cross and horrid; + And every one who sees you cries + "What _is_ the matter with your eyes?" + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Caution] + + + + +_CAUTION_ + + + When you travel in the street, + Are you cautious and discreet? + Do you look about for horses + When your little brother crosses? + Do you go the shortest way, + Never stopping once to play? + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Tardiness] + + + + +_TARDINESS_ + + + Goodness gracious sakes alive! + Mother said, "Come home at five!" + Now the clock is striking six, + I am in a norful fix! + She will think I can't be trusted, + And she'll say that she's disgusted! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Obedience] + + + + +_OBEDIENCE_ + + + The Goops are very hard to kill, + So they hang out the Window-sill; + Down the Banisters they slide-- + _I_ could do it if I tried; + But when Mother tells me "don't," + Then, of course I really won't! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Church Headaches (top)] + + + + +_CHURCH HEADACHES_ + + + When 'tis time to go to church + Do you ever have a chill? + When 'tis time to go to school, + Do you fancy you are ill? + Oh, be very cautious, please, + I can tell by signs like these + You have got the Goop Disease! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Perseverance] + + + + +_PERSEVERANCE_ + + + Tony started bright and early, clearing up his room, + Soon he found he had to stop and make a little broom; + +[Illustration] + + So then he went into the yard to get a little stick, + But the garden needed weeding, so he set about it, quick! + +[Illustration] + + Then he found his wagon he intended to repair, + So he went into the cellar for the hammer that was there; + +[Illustration] + + He'd just begun to build a box, when it was time for dinner; + And that's why Tony's father called his son a "_good beginner_." + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Doll-Time] + + + + +_DOLL-TIME_ + + + Spring's the time for marbles + And Fall's the time for tops, + But boys don't know, they only go + By seeing them in shops! + + They like a sled in Winter, + In Summer 'tis a kite; + But dolls are found the whole year round + And every day and night! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Combing & Curling] + + + + +_COMBING & CURLING_ + + + _When your mother combs your hair,_ + _Here's a rhyme for you to say:_ + _If you try it, I declare,_ + _It will take the snarls away!_ + + In the ocean of my hair, + Many little waves are there; + Make the comb, a little boat, + Over all the billows float; + Sail the rough and tangled tide + Till it's smooth on every side, + Till, like other little girls, + I've a sea of wavy curls! + + +[Illustration] + +[Illustration: Cheerfulness] + + + + +_CHEERFULNESS_ + + + Now the book, is finished + (It's too long by half, + Mere didactic chaff), + One more rule won't hurt you: + When you practise Virtue, + Do it with a laugh! + + +[Illustration] + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Goops and How to Be Them, by Gelett Burgess + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GOOPS AND HOW TO BE THEM *** + +***** This file should be named 36664.txt or 36664.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/6/6/6/36664/ + +Produced by David Edwards, David Garcia and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This +file was produced from images generously made available +by The Internet Archive) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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