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diff --git a/36873.txt b/36873.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..78f85a1 --- /dev/null +++ b/36873.txt @@ -0,0 +1,7197 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Fluttered Dovecote, by George Manville Fenn + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: A Fluttered Dovecote + +Author: George Manville Fenn + +Illustrator: Gordon Browne + +Release Date: July 27, 2011 [EBook #36873] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A FLUTTERED DOVECOTE *** + + + + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + + + + +A Fluttered Dovecote +By George Manville Fenn +Illustrations by Gordon Browne +Published by D. Appleton and Company, New York. +This edition dated 1890. +A Fluttered Dovecote, by George Manville Fenn. + +________________________________________________________________________ + +________________________________________________________________________ +A FLUTTERED DOVECOTE, BY GEORGE MANVILLE FENN. + + +CHAPTER ONE. + +MEMORY THE FIRST--MAMMA MAKES A DISCOVERY. + +Oh, dear! + +You will excuse me for a moment? I must take another sheet of paper--I, +Laura Bozerne, virgin and martyr, of Chester Square, Belgravia--for that +last sheet was all spotted with tears, and when I applied my +handkerchief, and then the blotting-paper, the glaze was gone and the +ink ran. + +_Ce n'est que le premier pas qui coute_, the French say, but it is not +true. However, I have made up my mind to write this history of my +sufferings, so to begin. + +Though what the world would call young--eighteen--I feel so old--ah! so +old--and my life would fill volumes--thick volumes--with thrilling +incidents; but a natural repugnance to publicity forces me to confine +myself to the adventures of one single year, whose eventful hours were +numbered, whose days were one chaos of excitement or rack of suspense. +How are the scenes brought vividly before my mind's eye as I turn over +the leaves of my poor blotted diary, and recognise a tear blister here, +and recall the blistering; a smear there; or find the writing illegible +from having been hastily closed when wet, on account of the prying +advance of some myrmidon of tyranny when the blotting-paper was not at +hand. Faces too familiar rise before me, to smile or frown, as my +associations with them were grave or gay. Now I shudder--now I thrill +with pleasure; now it is a frown that contracts my brow, now a smile +curls my lip; while the tears, "Oh, ye tears!"--by the way, it is +irrelevant, but I have the notes of a poem on tears, a subject not yet +hackneyed, while it seems to me to be a theme that flows well--"tears, +fears, leers, jeers," and so on. + +Oh! if I had only possessed yellow hair and violet eyes, and +determination, what I might have been! If I had only entered this great +world as one of those delicious heroines, so masculine, so superior, +that our authors vividly paint--although they might be engravings, they +are so much alike. If I had but stood with flashing eyes a Lady Audley, +a Mrs Armitage, the heroine of "Falkner Lyle," or any other of those +charming creatures, I could have been happy in defying the whips and +stings, and all that sort of thing; but now, alas! alack!--ah, what do I +say?--my heart is torn, wrecked, crushed. Hope is dead and buried; +while love--ah, me! + +But I will not anticipate. I pen these lines solely to put forth my +claims for the sympathy of my sex, which will, I am sure, with one +heart, throb and bleed for my sorrows. That my readers may never need a +similar expression of sympathy is the fond wish of a wrecked heart. + +Yes, I am eighteen, and dwelling in a wilderness--Chester Square is +where papa's residence (town residence) is situated. But it is a +wilderness to me. The flowers coaxed by the gardener to grow in the +square garden seem tame in colour and inodorous; the gate gives me a +shudder as I pass through, when it grits with the dust in its hinges, +and always loudly; while mischievous boys are constantly inserting small +pebbles in the dusty lock to break the wards of the key. It is a +wilderness to me; and though this heart may become crusted with +bitterness, and too much hardened and callous, yet never, ah! never, +will it be what it was a year ago. I am writing this with a bitter +smile upon my lips, which I cannot convey to paper; but I have chosen +the hardest and scratchiest pen I could find, I am using red ink, and +there are again blurs and spots upon the paper where tears have removed +the glaze--for I always like very highly glazed note. + +I did think of writing this diary in my own life's current, but my +reason told me that it would only be seen by the blackened and brutal +printers; and therefore, as I said before, I am using red ink, and +sitting writing by the front drawing-room window, where it is so much +lighter, where the different passing vehicles can be seen, and the noise +of those horrid men saying "Ciss, ciss," in the mews at the back cannot +be heard. + +Ah! but one year ago, and I was happy! I recall it as if but yesterday. +We were sitting at breakfast, and I remember thinking what a pity it +was to be obliged to sit down, and crease and take the stiffening out of +the clean muslin I wore, one that really seemed almost perfection as I +came downstairs, when suddenly mamma--who was reading that horrid +provincial paper--stopped papa just as he raised a spoonful of egg to +his lips, and made him start so that he dropped a portion upon his +beard. + +"Excelsior!" exclaimed mamma. "Which is?" said papa, making the +table-cloth all yellow. + +"Only listen," said mamma, and she commenced reading an atrocious +advertisement, while I was so astonished at the unwonted vivacity +displayed, that I left off skimming the last number of _The World_, and +listened as well while she read the following dreadful notice:-- + +"The Cedars, Allsham.--Educational Establishment for a limited number of +young ladies"--(limited to all she could get). "Lady principal, Mrs +Fortesquieu de Blount"--(an old wretch); "French, Monsieur de Tiraille; +German, Fraulein Liebeskinden; Italian, Signor Pazzoletto; singing, +Fraulein Liebeskinden, R.A.M., and Signor Pazzoletto, R.A.M." (the +result of whose efforts was to make us poor victims sing in diphthongs +or the union of vowels--Latin and Teutonic); "pianoforte, Fraulein +Liebeskinden; dancing and deportment, Monsieur de Kittville; English, +Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount, assisted by fully qualified teachers. This +establishment combines the highest educational phases with the comforts +of a home,"--(Now is it not as wicked to write stories as to say them? +Of course it is; and as, according to the paper, their circulation was +three thousand a week, and there are fifty-two weeks in a year, that +wicked old tabby in that one case told just one hundred and six thousand +fibs in the twelvemonth; while if I were to analyse the whole +advertisement, _comme ca_, the amount would be horrible)--"Mrs +Fortesquieu de Blount having made it her study to eliminate every +failing point in the older systems of instructions and scholastic +internal management, has formed the present institution upon a basis of +the most firm, satisfactory, and lasting character." (Would you think +it possible that mammas who pride themselves upon their keenness would +be led away and believe such nonsense?) "The staff of assistants has +been most carefully selected--the highest testimonials having in every +case been considered of little avail, unless accompanied by tangible +proof of long and arduous experience." + +Such stuff! And then there was ever so much more--and there was quite a +quarrel once about paying for the advertisement, it came to so much-- +about forks and spoons and towels, and advantages of situation in a +sanitary point of view, and beauty of scenery, and references to +bishops, priests, and deacons, deans and canons, two M.D.s and a Sir +Somebody Something, Bart. I won't mention his name, for I'm sure he +must be quite sufficiently ashamed of it by this time, almost as much so +as those high and mighty peers who have been cured of their ailments for +so many years by the quack medicines. But there, mamma read it all +through, every bit, mumbling dreadfully, as she always has ever since +she had those new teeth with the patent base. + +"Well, but there isn't anything about excelsior," said papa. + +"No, of course not," said mamma. "I meant that it was the very thing +for Laura. Finishing, you know." + +"Well, it does sound pretty good," said papa. "I don't care so long as +it isn't Newnham or Girton, and wanting to ride astride horses." + +"My dear!" said mamma. + +"Well, that's what they're all aiming at now," cried papa. "We shall +have you on horseback in Rotten Row next." + +"My love!" + +"I should do a bit of Banting first," continued papa, with one of those +sneers against mamma's _embonpoint_ which do make her so angry. + +And then, after a great deal of talking and arguing, in which of course +mamma must have it all her own way, and me not consulted a bit, they +settled that mamma was to write to Allsham, and then if the letter in +reply proved satisfactory, she was to go down at once and see the place. +If she liked it, I was to spend a year there for a finishing course of +education; for they would not call it--as I spitefully told papa they +ought to--they would not call it sending me back to school; and it was +too bad, after promising that the two years I passed in the convent at +Guisnes should be the last. + +Yes: too bad. I could not help it if my grammar was what papa called, +in his slangy way, "horribly slack." I never did like that horrid +parsing, and I'm sure it comes fast enough with reading. Soeur Celine +never found fault with my French grammatical construction when I wrote +letters to her, and I wrote one that very day; for it did seem such a +horrid shame to treat me in so childish a way. + +And while I was writing--or rather, while I was sitting at the window, +thinking of what to say, and biting the end of my pen--who should come +by but the new curate, Mr Saint Purre, of Saint Sympathetica's, and +when he saw how mournful I looked, he raised his hat with such a sad +smile, and passed on. + +By the way, what an improvement it is, the adoption of the beard in the +church. Mr Saint Purre's is one of the most beautiful black, glossy, +silky beards ever seen; and I'm sure I thought so then, when I was +writing about going back to school--a horrible, hateful place! How I +bit my lips and shook my head! I could have cried with vexation, but I +would not let a soul see it; for there are some things to which I could +not stoop. In fact, after the first unavailing remonstrance, if it had +been to send me to school for life, I would not have said another word. + +For only think of what mamma said, and she must have told papa what she +thought. Such dreadful ideas. + +"You are becoming too fond of going to church, Laura," she said with a +meaning look. "I'm afraid we did wrong in letting you go to the +sisters." + +"Absurd, mamma!" I cried. "No one can be too religious." + +"Oh, yes, my dear, they can," said mamma, "when they begin to worship +idols." + +"What do you mean, mamma?" I cried, blushing, for there was a curious +meaning in her tone. + +"Never mind, my dear," she said, tightening her lips. "Your papa quite +agreed with me that you wanted a change." + +"But I don't, mamma," I pleaded. + +"Oh yes you do, my dear," she continued, "you are getting wasted and +wan, and too fond of morning services. What do you think papa said?" + +"I don't know, mamma." + +"He said, `That would cure it.'" + +She pronounced the last word as if it was spelt "ate," and I felt the +blood rush to my cheeks, feeling speechless for a time, but I recovered +soon after, as I told myself that most likely mamma had no +_arriere-pensee_. + +If it had been a ball, or a party, or fete, the time would have gone on +drag, drag, dawdle, dawdle, for long enough. But because I was going +back to school it must rush along like an express train. First, there +were the answers back to mamma's letters, written upon such stiff thick +paper that it broke all along the folds; scented, and with a twisty, +twirly monogram-thing done in blue upon paper and envelope; while the +writing--supposed to be Mrs de Blount's, though it was not, for I soon +found that out, and that it was written, like all the particular +letters, by Miss Furness--was of the finest and most delicate, so fine +that it seemed as if it was never meant to be read, but only to be +looked at, like a great many more ornamental things we see every day +done up in the disguise of something useful. + +Well, there were the letters answered, mamma had been, and declared to +papa that she was perfectly satisfied, for everything was as it should +be, and nothing seemed _outre_--that being a favourite word of mamma's, +and one out of the six French expressions she remembers, while it +tumbles into all sorts of places in conversation where it has no +business. + +I did tell her, though, it seemed _outre_ to send me back to one of +those terrible child prisons, crushing down my young elastic soul in so +cruel a way; but she only smiled, and said that it was all for my good. + +Then came the day all in a hurry; and I'm sure, if it was possible, that +day had come out of its turn, and pushed and elbowed its way into the +front on purpose to make me miserable. + +But there it was, whether or no; and I'd been packing my boxes--first a +dress, then a tear, then another dress, and then another tear, and so +on, until they were full--John said too full, and that I must take +something out or they would not lock. But there was not a single thing +that I could possibly have done without, so Mary and Eliza both had to +come and stand upon the lid, and then it would not go quite close, when +mamma came fussing in to say how late it was, and she stood on it as +well; so that there were three of them, like the Graces upon a square +pedestal. But we managed to lock it then; and John was cording it with +some new cord, only he left that one, because mamma said perhaps they +had all better stand on the other box, in case it would not lock; while +when they were busy about number two, if number one did not go off +"bang," like a great wooden shell, and burst the lock off, when we had +to be content with a strap. + +Nobody minded my tears--not a bit; and there was the cab at the door at +last, and the boxes lumbered down into the hall, and then bumped up, as +if they wanted to break them, on to the roof of the cab; and mamma all +the while in a regular knot trying to understand "Bradshaw" and the +table of the Allsham and Funnleton Railway. Papa had gone to the City, +and said good-bye directly after breakfast; and when mamma and I went +out, the first thing mamma must do was to take out her little china +tablets and pencil, and put down the cabman's number; if the odious, low +wretch did not actually wink at me--such insolence. + +When we reached the station, if my blood did not quite boil when mamma +would stop and haggle with the horrible tobaccoey wretch about sixpence +of the fare, till there was quite a little crowd, when the money was +paid, and the tears brought into my eyes by being told that the expenses +of my education necessitated such parsimony; and that, too, at a time +when I did not wish for a single fraction of a penny to go down to that +dreadful woman at Allsham. But that was always the way; and some people +are only too glad to make excuses and lay their meannesses upon some one +else. Of course, I am quite aware that it is very shocking to speak of +mamma in this manner; but then some allowance must be made for my +wretched feelings, and besides, I don't mean any harm. + + +CHAPTER TWO. + +MEMORY THE SECOND--THE CEDARS, ALLSHAM. + +I sincerely hope the readers of all this do not expect to find any plot +or exciting mystery; because, if they do, they will be most terribly +disappointed, since I am not leading them into the realms of fiction. +No lady is going to be poisoned; there is no mysterious murder; neither +bigamy, trigamy, nor quadrigamy; in fact, not a single gamy in the book, +though once bordering upon that happy state. Somebody does not turn out +to be somebody else, and anybody is not kept out of his rightful +property by a false heir, any more than a dreadfully good man's wife +runs away from him with a very wicked _roue_, gets injured in a railway +accident, and then comes back to be governess to her own children, while +her husband does not know her again. + +Oh, no! there is no excitement of that kind, nothing but a twelvemonth's +romance of real life; the spreading of the clouds of sorrow where all +was sunshine; the descent of a bitter blight, to eat into and canker a +young rose-bud. But there, I won't be poetical, for I am not making an +album. + +I was too much out of humour, and too low-spirited, to be much amused +with the country during my journey down; while as to reading the sort of +circular thing about the Cedars and the plan of operations during the +coming session, now about to commence, I could not get through the first +paragraph; for every time I looked up, there was a dreadful +foreign-looking man with his eyes fixed upon me, though he pretended to +be reading one of those Windsor-soap-coloured paper-covered +_Chemin-de-Fer_ novels, by Daudet, that one buys on the French railways. + +Of course we should not have been subjected to that annoyance--shall I +call it so?--only mamma must throw the expenses of my education at my +head, and more; and say it was necessary we should travel second-class, +though I'm sure papa would have been terribly angry had he known. + +I had my tatting with me, and took it out when I laid the circular +aside; but it was always the same--look up when I would, there were his +sharp, dark, French-looking eyes fixed upon me; while I declare if it +did not seem that in working my pattern I was forming a little +cotton-lace framework to so many bright, dark eyes, which kept on +peering out at me, till the porter shouted out "'sham, All--sham," where +the stranger also descended and watched us into the station fly. + +Mamma said that if we came down second-class, we would go up to the +Cedars in a decent form; and we did, certainly, in one of the nastiest, +stably-smelling, dusty, jangling old flys I was ever in. The window +would not stop up on the dusty side, while on the other it would not let +down; and I told mamma we might just as well have brought the trunks +with us, and not left them for the station people to send, for all the +difference it would have made. But mamma knew best, of course, and it +was no use for me to speak. + +But I wish to be just; and I must say that the Cedars was a very pretty +place to look at, just outside Allsham town; though of course its +prettiness was only for an advertisement, and not to supply home comfort +to the poor little prisoners within. We entered by a pair of large iron +gates, where upon the pillars on either side were owls, with +outstretched wings--put there, of course, to remind parents of the +goddess Minerva; but we all used to say that they were likenesses of +Mrs Blount and the Fraulein. There was a broad gravel sweep up to the +portico, while in front was a beautiful velvet lawn with a couple of +cedar trees, whose graceful branches swept the grass. + +"Mrs and Miss Bozerne," said mamma to the footman, a nasty tall, thin, +straggley young man, with red hair that would not brush smooth, and a +freckly face, a horrible caricature of our John, in a drab coat and +scarlet plushes, and such thin legs that I could not help a smile. But +he was terribly thin altogether, and looked as if he had been a page-boy +watered till he grew out of knowledge, and too fast; and he clung to the +door in such a helpless way, when he let us in, that he seemed afraid to +leave it again, lest he should fall. + +"This way, ladies," he said, with a laugh-and-water sort of a smile; and +he led us across a handsome hall, where there were four statues and a +great celestial globe hanging from the ceiling--only the globe hanging; +though I'm sure it would have been a charity and a release for some +young people if a few of the muses had shared the fate of the globe--at +all events, that four. First and foremost of all was Clio. I wish she +had been hung upon a date tree! + +"This way, ladies," said the tall creature, saving himself once more +from tippling over by seizing the drawing-room door-handle, and then, as +he turned and swung by it, sending the blood tingling into my cheeks by +announcing-- + +"Mrs and Miss Bosom." + +Any one with a heart beating beneath her own can fancy our feelings. Of +course I am aware that some unfeeling, ribald men--I do not include +thee, oh, Achille!--would have turned the wretch's blunder into a +subject for jest; but thanks to the goddess of _Bonheur_, there was none +of the race present, and Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount came mincing +forward, smiling most benignly in her pet turban. + +A dreadful old creature--I shall never forget her! Always dressed in +black satin, a skin parting front, false teeth, and a thick gold chain +hung over her shoulders; while the shocking old thing always thrust +everything artificial that she wore right under your eyes, so that you +could not fail to see how deceptive she was. + +She was soon deep in conversation with mamma; while I looked wearily +round the room, which was full to overflowing with all sorts of fancy +work, so that you could not stir an inch without being hooked, or +caught, or upsetting something. There were antimacassars, +sofa-cushions, fire-screens, bead-mats, wool-mats, crochet-mats, +coverings for the sofa, piano, and chimney-piece, candle-screens, +curtains, ottomans, pen wipers--things enough, in short, to have set up +a fancy fair. And, of course, I knew well enough what they all meant-- +presents from pupils who had been foolish enough to spend their money in +buying the materials, and then working them up to ornament the old +tabby's drawing-room. + +Well, I don't care. It's the truth; she was a horrible old tabby, with +nothing genuine or true about her, or I would not speak so +disrespectfully. She did not care a bit for her pupils, more than to +value them according to how much they brought her in per annum, so that +the drawing-room boarders--there were no parlour boarders there, nothing +so common--stood first in her estimation. + +I felt so vexed that first day, sitting in the drawing-room, I could +have pulled off the old thing's turban; and I'm sure that if I had the +false front would have come with it. There she was, pointing out the +different crayon-drawings upon the wall; and mamma, who cannot tell a +decent sketch from a bad one, lifting up her hand and pretending to be +in ecstasies. + +Do you mean to tell me that they did not both know how they were +deceiving one another? Stuff! Of course they did, and they both liked +it. Mamma praised Mrs Blount, and Mrs Blount praised mamma and her +"sweet child"; and I declare it was just like what the dreadful American +man said in his horrid, low, clever book--that was so funny, and yet one +felt ashamed at having laughed--where he writes to the newspaper editor +to puff his show, and promises to return the favour by having all his +printing done at his office; and papa read it so funnily, and called it +"reciprocity of allaying the irritation of the dorsal region," which we +said was much more refined than Mr Artemus Ward's way of putting it. + +I was quite ashamed of mamma, that I was, for it did seem so little; +and, oh! how out of patience I was! But there, that part of the +interview came to an end, and a good thing too; for I knew well enough a +great deal of it was to show off before me, for of course Mrs Blount +had shown mamma the drawings and things before. + +So then we were taken over the place, and introduced to the teachers and +the pupils who had returned, and there really did seem to be some nice +girls; but as for the teachers--of all the old, yellow, spectacled +things I ever did see, they were the worst; while as for the German +Fraulein, I don't know what to say bad enough to describe her, for I +never before did see any one so hooked-nosed and parroty. + +Then we went upstairs to see the dormitories--there were no bedrooms-- +and afterwards returned to the drawing-room, where the lady principal +kissed me on both cheeks and said I was most welcome to her +establishment, and I declare I thought she meant to bite me, for her +dreadful teeth went _snap_, though perhaps, like mamma's, they were not +well under control. + +Then mamma had some sherry, and declared that she was more enchanted +with the place than she had been at her last visit; and she hoped I +should be very happy and very good, and make great progress in my +studies. When Mrs Blount said she was quite certain that I should +gratify my parents' wishes in every respect, and be a great credit to +the establishment; and I knew she was wondering all the time how many +silk dresses and how many bonnets I had brought, for everything about +the place was show, show always, and I soon found out how the +plainly-dressed girls were snubbed and kept in the background. As for +Miss Grace Murray, the half-teacher, half-pupil, who had her education +for the assistance she gave with the younger girls, I'm sure it was +shameful--such a sweet, gentle, lovable girl as she was--shameful that +she should have been so ill-treated. I speak without prejudice, for she +never was any friend of mine, but always distrusted me, and more than +once reported what I suppose she was right in calling flippant +behaviour; but I could not help it. I was dreadfully wicked while at +the Cedars. + +At last the fly bore mamma away, and I wanted to go to my dormitory, to +try and swallow down my horrible grief and vexation, which would show +itself; while that horrible Mrs Blunt--I won't call her anything else, +for her husband's name was spelt without the "o," and he was a painter +and glazier in Tottenham Court Road--that horrible Mrs Blunt kept on +saying that it was a very proper display of feeling, and did me great +credit; and patting me on the back and calling me "my child," when all +the time I could have boxed her ears. + +There I was, then, really and truly once more at school, and all the +time feeling so big, and old, and cross, and as if I was being insulted +by everything that was said to me. + +The last months I spent at Guisnes the sisters made pleasant for me by +behaving with a kind of respect, and a sort of tacit acknowledgment that +I was no longer a child; and, oh, how I look back now upon those quiet, +retired days! Of course they were _too_ quiet and _too_ retired; but +then anything seemed better than being brought down here; while as to +religion, the sisters never troubled themselves about my not being the +same as themselves, nor tried to make a convert of me, nor called me +heretic, or any of that sort of thing. All the same it was quite +dreadful to hear Aunt Priscilla go on at papa when I was at home for the +vacation, telling him it was sinful to let me be at such a place, and +that it was encouraging the sisters to inveigle me into taking the veil. +That we should soon have the Papists overrunning the country, and +relighting the fires in Smithfield, and all such stuff as that; while +papa used very coolly to tell her that he most sincerely hoped that she +would be the first martyr, for it would be a great blessing for her +relatives. + +That used to offend her terribly, and mamma too; but it served her right +for making such a fuss--the place being really what they called a +pension, and Protestant and Catholic young ladies were there together. +Plenty of them were English, and the old sisters were the dearest, +darlingest, quietest, lovablest creatures that ever lived, and I don't +believe they would have roasted a fly, much more an Aunt Priscilla. + +And there I was, then, though I could hardly believe it true, and was at +school; and as I said before, I wanted to get up to my dormitory. I +said "my," but it was not all mine; for there were two more beds in the +room. + +As soon as I got up there, and was once more alone, I threw myself down +upon my couch, and had such a cry. It was a treat, that was; for I +don't know anything more comforting than a good cry. There's something +softening and calming to one's bruised and wounded feelings; just as if +nature had placed a reservoir of tears ready to gently flood our eyes, +and act as a balm in times of sore distress. It was so refreshing and +nice; and as I lay there in the bedroom, with the window open, and the +soft summer breeze making the great cedar trees sigh, and the dimity +curtains gently move, I gazed up into the bright blue sky till a veil +seemed to come over my eyes, and I went fast asleep. + +There I was in the train once more, with the eyes of that +foreign-looking man regularly boring holes through my lids, until it was +quite painful; for, being asleep, of course I kept them closely shut. +It was like a fit of the nightmare; and as to this description, if I +thought for a moment that these lines would be read by man--save and +except the tradesmen engaged in their production--I would never pen +them. But as the editor and publisher will be careful to announce that +they are for ladies only, I write in full. + +First of all the eyes seemed to be quite small, but, oh! so piercing; +while I can only compare the sensation to that of a couple of beautiful, +bright, precious stone seals, making impressions upon the soft wax of my +brain. And they did, too--such deeply-cut, sharp impressions as will +never be effaced. + +Well, as I seemed to be sitting in the train, the eyes appeared to come +nearer, and nearer, and nearer, till I could bear it no longer; and I +opened mine to find that my dream was a fact, and that there really were +a pair of bright, piercing orbs close to mine, gazing earnestly at me, +so that I felt that I must scream out; but as my lips parted to give +utterance to a shrill cry, it was stayed, for two warm lips rested upon +mine, to leave there a soft, tender kiss; and it seemed so strange that +my dream should have been all true. + +But there, it was not all true; though I was awake and there were a pair +of beautiful eyes looking into mine, and the soft, red lips just leaving +their impression; and as I was fighting hard to recover my scattered +senses, a sweet voice whispered-- + +"Don't cry any more, dear, please." + +I saw through it all, for the dear girl who had just spoken was Clara +Fitzacre; but just behind, and staring hard at me with her great, round, +saucer eyes, was a fat, stupid-looking girl, whose name I soon learned +was Martha Smith--red-faced and sleepy, and without a word to say for +herself. As for Clara, I felt to love her in a moment, she was so +tender and gentle, and talked in such a consolatory strain. + +"I'm so glad to find that you are to be in our room," said Clara, who +was a tall, dark-haired, handsome girl. "We were afraid it would turn +out to be some cross, frumpy, stuck-up body, weren't we, Patty?" + +"I'm sure I don't know," said the odious thing, whose words all sounded +fat and sticky. "I thought you said that you wouldn't have anybody else +in our room. I wish it was tea-time." + +"But I should not have said so if I had known who was coming," said +Clara, turning very red. "But Patty has her wish, for it is tea-time; +so sponge your poor eyes, and let me do your hair, and then we'll go +down. You need not wait, Patty." + +Patty Smith did not seem as if she wished to wait, for she gave a great, +coarse yawn, for all the world like a butcher's daughter, and then went +out of the room. + +"She is so fat and stupid," said Clara, "that it has been quite +miserable here; and I'm so glad that you've come, dear." + +"I'm not," said I, dismally. "I don't like beginning school over +again." + +"But then we don't call this school," said Clara. + +"But it is, all the same," I said. "Oh, no," said Clara, kindly; "we +only consider that we are finishing our studies here, and there are such +nice teachers." + +"How can you say so!" I exclaimed indignantly. "I never saw such a set +of ugly, old, cross-looking--" + +"Ah, but you've only seen the lady teachers yet. You have not seen +Monsieur Achille de Tiraille, and Signor Pazzoletto--such fine, +handsome, gentlemanly men; and then there's that dear, good-tempered, +funny little Monsieur de Kittville." + +I could not help sighing as I thought of Mr Saint Purre, and his long, +black, silky beard; and how nice it would have been to have knelt down +and confessed all my troubles to him, and I'm sure I should have kept +nothing back. + +"All the young ladies are deeply in love with them," continued Clara, as +she finished my hair; "so pray don't lose your heart, and make any one +jealous." + +"There is no fear for me," I said, with a deep sigh; and then, somehow +or another, I began thinking of the church, and wondering what sort of a +clergyman we should have, and whether there would be early services like +there were at Saint Vestment's, and whether I should be allowed to +attend them as I had been accustomed. + +I sighed and shivered, while the tears filled my eyes; for it seemed +that all the happy times of the past were gone for ever, and life was to +be a great, dreary blank, full of horrible teachers and hard lessons. +Though, now one comes to think of it, a life could not be a blank if it +were full of anything, even though they were merely lessons. + +I went down with Clara to tea, and managed to swallow a cup of the +horribly weak stuff; but as to eating any of the coarse, thick +bread-and-butter, I could not; though, had my heart been at rest, the +sight of Patty Smith devouring the great, thick slices, as if she was +absolutely ravenous, would have quite spoiled my repast. At first +several of the pupils were very kind and attentive, but seeing how put +out and upset I was, they left me alone till the meal was finished; +while, though I could not eat, I could compare and think how different +all this was from what I should have had at home, or at dinner parties, +or where papa took me when we went out. For he was very good that way, +and mamma did not always know how we had dined together at Richmond and +Blackwall. Such nice dinners, too, as I had with him in Paris when he +came to fetch me from the sisters. He said it was experience to see the +capital, and certainly it was an experience that I greatly liked. There +is such an air of gaiety about a _cafe_; and the ices--ah! + +And from that to come down to thick bread-and-butter like a little +child! + +After tea I was summoned to attend Mrs Blunt in her study--as if the +old thing ever did anything in the shape of study but how to make us +uncomfortable, and how to make money--and upon entering the place, full +of globes, and books, and drawings, I soon found that she had put her +good temper away with the cake and wine, as a thing too scarce with her +to be used every day. + +The reason for my being summoned was that I might be examined as to my +capabilities; and I found the lady principal sitting in state, supported +by the Fraulein and two of the English teachers--Miss Furness and Miss +Sloman. + +I bit my lips as soon as I went in, for, I confess it freely, I meant to +be revenged upon that horrible Mrs Blunt for tempting mamma with her +advertisement; and I determined that if she was to be handsomely paid +for my residence at the Cedars, the money should be well earned. + +And now, once for all, let me say that I offer no excuse for my +behaviour; while I freely confess to have been, all through my stay at +the Cedars, very wicked, and shocking, and reprehensible. + +"I think your mamma has come to a most sensible determination, Miss +Bozerne," said Mrs Blunt, after half an hour's examination. "What do +you think, ladies?" + +"Oh, quite so," chorused the teachers. + +"Really," said Mrs Blunt, "I cannot recall having had a young lady of +your years so extremely backward." + +Then she sat as if expecting that I should speak, for she played with +her eyeglass, and occasionally took a glance at me; but I would not have +said a word, no, not even if they had pinched me. + +"But I think we can raise the standard of your acquirements, Miss +Bozerne. What do you say, ladies?" + +"Oh, quite so," chorused the satellites, as if they had said it hundreds +of times before; and I feel sure that they had. + +"And now," said Mrs Blunt, "we will close this rather unsatisfactory +preliminary examination. Miss Bozerne, you may retire." + +I was nearly at the door--glad to have it over, and to be able to be +once more with my thoughts--when the old creature called me back. + +"Not in that way, Miss Bozerne," she exclaimed, with a dignified, cold, +contemptuous air, which made me want to slap her--"not in that way at +the Cedars, Miss Bozerne. Perhaps, Miss Sloman, as the master of +deportment is not here, you will show Miss Laura Bozerne the manner in +which to leave a room.--Your education has been sadly neglected, my +child." + +This last she said to me with rather an air of pity, just as if I was +only nine or ten years old; and, as a matter of course, being rather +proud of my attainments, I felt dreadfully annoyed. + +But my attention was now taken up by Miss Sloman, a dreadfully skinny +old thing, in moustachios, who had risen from her seat, and began +backing towards the door in an awkward way, like two clothes-props in a +sheet, till she contrived to catch against a little gipsy work-table and +overset it, when, cross as I felt, I could not refrain from laughing. + +"Leave the room, Miss Bozerne," exclaimed Mrs Blunt, haughtily. + +This to me! whose programme had been rushed at when I appeared at a +dance, and not a vacant place left. Oh, dear! oh, dear! I feel the +thrill of annoyance even now. + +Of course I made my way out of the room to where Clara was waiting for +me; and then we had a walk out in the grounds, with our arms round each +other, just as if we had been friends for years; though you will agree +it was only natural I should cling to the first lovable thing which +presented itself to me in my then forlorn condition. + + +CHAPTER THREE. + +MEMORY THE THIRD--INFELICITY. AGAIN A CHILD. + +The next day was wet and miserable; and waiting about, and feeling +strange and uncomfortable, as I did, made matters ever so much worse. + +We were all in the schoolroom; and first one and then another +stiff-backed, new-smelling book was pushed before me, and the odour of +them made me feel quite wretched, it was so different to what of late I +had been accustomed. For don't, pray, think I dislike the smell of a +new book--oh, no, not at all, I delight in it; but then it must be from +Mudie's, or Smith's, or the Saint James's Square place, while as for +these new books--one was that nasty, stupid old Miss Mangnall's +"Questions," and another was Fenwick de Porquet's this, and another +Fenwick de Porquet's that, and, soon after, Noehden's German Grammar, +thrust before me with a grin by the Fraulein. At last, as if to drive +me quite mad, as a very culmination of my miseries, I was set, with +Clara Fitzacre and five more girls, to write an essay on "The tendencies +towards folly of the present age." + +"What shall I say about it, ma'am?" I said to Miss Furness, who gave me +the paper. + +"Say?" she exclaimed, as if quite astonished at such a question. "Why, +give your own opinions upon the subject." + +"Oh, shouldn't I like to write an essay, and give my own opinions upon +you," I said to myself; while there I sat with the sheets of paper +before me, biting and indenting the penholder, without the slightest +idea how to begin. + +I did think once of dividing the subject into three parts or heads, like +Mr Saint Purre did his sermons; but there, nearly everybody I have +heard in public does that, so it must be right. So I was almost +determined to begin with a firstly, and then go on to a secondly, and +then a thirdly; and when I felt quite determined, I wrote down the +title, and under it "firstly." I allowed the whole of the first page +for that head, put "secondly" at the beginning of the second page, and +"thirdly" upon the next, which I meant to be the longest. + +Then I turned back, and wondered what I had better say, and whether +either of the girls would do it for me if I offered her a shilling. + +"What shall I say next," I asked myself, and then corrected my question; +for it ought to have been, "What shall I say first?" And then I +exclaimed under my breath, "A nasty, stupid, spiteful old thing, to set +me this to do, on purpose to annoy me!" just as I looked on one side and +found the girl next me was nearly at the bottom of her sheet of paper, +while I could do nothing but tap my white teeth with my pen. + +I looked on the other side, where sat Miss Patty Smith, glaring horribly +down at her blank paper, nibbling the end of her pen, and smelling +dreadfully of peppermint; and her forehead was all wrinkled up, as if +the big atlas were upon her head, and squeezing down the skin. + +Just then I caught Clara's eye--for she was busy making a great deal of +fuss with her blotting-paper, as if she had quite ended her task--when, +upon seeing my miserable, hopeless look, she came round and sat down by +me. + +"Never mind the essay," she whispered; "say you had the headache. I +dare say it will be correct, won't it? For it always used to give me +the headache when I first came." + +"Oh, yes," I said, with truth, "my head aches horribly." + +"Of course it does, dear," said Clara; "so leave that rubbish. It will +be dancing in about five minutes." + +"I say," drawled Miss Smith to Clara, "what's tendencies towards folly? +I'm sure I don't know." + +"Patty Smith's," said Clara, in a sharp voice; and the great fat, stupid +thing sat there, glaring at her with her big, round eyes, as much as to +say, "What do you mean?" + +Sure enough, five minutes had not elapsed before we were summoned to our +places in the room devoted to dancing and calisthenic exercises; and, as +a matter of course, I was all in a flutter to see the French dancing +master, who would be, I felt sure, a noble-looking refugee--a count in +disguise--and I felt quite ready to let him make a favourable +impression; for one cannot help sympathising with political exiles, +since one has had a Louis Napoleon here in difficulties. But there, I +declare it was too bad; and I looked across at Clara, who had slipped on +first, and was holding her handkerchief to her mouth to keep from +laughing as she watched my astonished looks; for you never did see such +a droll little man, and I felt ready to cry with vexation at the whole +place. + +There he stood--Monsieur de Kittville--the thinnest, funniest little man +I ever saw off the stage. He seemed to have been made on purpose to +take up as little room as possible in the world and he looked so droll +and squeezy, one could not feel cross long in his presence. If I had +not been in such terribly low spirits, I'm sure I must have laughed +aloud at the funny, capering little fellow, as he skipped about, now +here and now there--going through all the figures, and stopping every +now and then to scrape through the tune upon his little fiddle. + +But it would have been a shame to laugh, for he was so good and patient; +and I know he could feel how some of the girls made fun of him, though +he bore it all amiably and never said a word. + +I know he must have thought me terribly stupid, for there was not one +girl so awkward, and grumpy, and clumsy over the lesson. But think, +although it was done kindly enough, what did I want with being pushed +here, and poked there, and shouted at and called after in bad English, +when I had been used to float round and round brilliantly-lighted rooms +in dreamy waltzes and polkas, till day-break? And I declare the very +thoughts of such scenes at a time like this were quite maddening. + +Finished! I felt as if I should be regularly finished long before the +year had expired; and, after the short season of gaiety I had enjoyed in +London, I would far rather have gone back to Guisnes and spent my days +with dear old Soeur Charite in the convent. After all, I fancy papa was +right when he said it was only a quiet advertising dodge--he will say +such vulgar things, that he picks up in the City--and that it was not a +genuine convent at all. I mean one of those places we used to read +about, where they built the sisters up in walls, and all that sort of +thing. But there: things do grow so dreadfully matter-of-fact, and so I +found it; for here was I feeling, not so dreadfully young, but so +horribly old, to be back at school. + +The place seemed so stupid; the lessons seemed stupid; girls, teachers, +everything seemed stupid. There were regular times for this, and +regular times for that, and one could not do a single thing as one +liked. If I went upstairs to brush my hair, and sat down before the +glass, there would be a horrible, cracked voice crying, "Miss Bozerne, +young ladies are not allowed in the dormitories out of hours;" and then +I had to go down. + +For the old wretch hated me because I was young and handsome, I am sure. +Yes: I was handsome then, I believe; before all these terrible troubles +came upon me, and made me look so old--ah! so old. And, oh! it was +dreadful, having one's time turned into a yard measure, and doled out to +one in quarter-inches for this and half-inches for that, and not have a +single scrap to do just what one liked with. Perhaps I could have borne +it the better if I had not been used to do just as I liked at home. For +mamma very seldom interfered; and I'm sure I was as good as could be +always, till they nearly drove me out of my mind with this horrible +school. + +For it was a school, and nothing else but a school; and as they all +ill-used me, and trod upon me like a worm in the path, why, of course I +turned and annoyed them all I could at the Cedars, and persisted in +calling it school. Finishing establishment--pah! Young ladies, +indeed--fah! Why, didn't I get to know about Miss Hicks being the +grocer's daughter, and being paid for in sugar? And wasn't Patty Smith +the butcher's girl? Why, she really smelt of meat, and her hair always +looked like that of those horrible butcher-boys in London, who never +wear caps, but make their heads so shiny and matty with fat. Patty was +just like them; and I declare the nasty thing might have eaten pomatum, +she used such a quantity. Why, she used to leave the marks of her head +right through her nightcap on to the pillow; and I once had the nasty +thing put on my bed by mistake, when if it didn't smell like the crust +of Mrs Blunt's apple-dumplings, and set me against them more than ever. + +Dear, sensitive reader, did you ever eat finishing establishment +"_poudings aux pommes_" as Mrs Blunt used to call them?--that is to say +school apple-dumplings, or as we used to call them "pasty wasters." If +you never did, never do; for they are horrible. Ours used to be nasty, +wet, slimy, splashy things, that slipped about in the great blue dish. +And one did slide right off once on to the cloth, when the servant was +putting it upon the table; and then the horrible thing collapsed in a +most disgusting way, and had to be scraped up with a spoon. Ugh! such a +mess! I declare I felt as if I was one of a herd of little pigs, about +to be fed; and I told Clara so, when she burst out laughing, and Miss +Furness ordered her to leave the table. If they would only have boiled +the dreadful dumplings in basins, it would not have mattered so much; +but I could see plainly enough that they were only tied up loosely in +cloths, so that the water came in to make them wet and pappy; while they +were always made in a hurry, and the crust would be in one place +half-an-inch, and in another three inches thick; and I always had the +thick mass upon my plate. Then, too, they used to be made of nasty, +viciously acid apples, with horrible cores that never used to be half +cut out, and would get upon your palate and then would not come off +again. Oh, dear! would I not rather have been a hermit on bread and +water and sweet herbs than have lived upon Mrs Blunt's greasy mutton-- +always half done--and pasty wasters! + +The living was quite enough to upset you, without anything else, and it +used to make me quite angry, for one always knew what was for dinner, +and it was always the same every week. It would have been very good if +it had been nicely cooked, no doubt, but then it was not; and I believe +by having things nasty there used to be quite a saving in the +expenditure. "Unlimited," Mrs Blunt told mamma the supplies were for +the young ladies; but only let one of the juniors do what poor little +Oliver Twist did--ask for more--and just see what a look the resident +teacher at the head of the table would give her. It was a great chance +if she would ask again. But there, I must tell you about our living. +Coffee for breakfast that always tasted like Patty Smith's Spanish +liquorice wine that she used to keep in a bottle in her pocket--a nasty +toad! Thick bread-and-butter--all crumby and dab, as if the servant +would not take the trouble to spread the butter properly. For tea there +was what papa used to tease mamma by calling "a mild infusion," though +there was no comparison between our tea and Allsham tea, for mamma +always bought hers at the Stores, and Allsham tea was from Miss Hicks's +father's; and when we turned up our noses at it, and found fault, she +said it was her pa's strong family Congou, only there was so little put +in the pot; while if they used not to sweeten the horrible pinky-looking +stuff with a treacley-brown sugar; and as for the milk--we do hear of +cows kicking over the milking pail, and I'm sure if the bluey-looking +stuff poured into our tea had been shown to any decent cow, and she had +been told that it was milk, she would have kicked it over in an instant. + +And, oh! those dinners at the Cedars! On Sundays we had beef--cold +beef--boiled one week, roast the next. On Mondays we had a preparation +of brown slime with lumps of beef in it, and a spiky vandyke of toast +round the dish, which was called "hash," with an afterpiece of "mosh +posh" pudding--Clara christened it so--and that was plain boiled rice, +with a white paste to pour over it out of a butter boat, while the rice +itself always tasted of soapsuds. Tuesday was roast shoulder of mutton +day. Wednesday, stewed steak--such dreadful stuff!--which appeared in +two phases, one hard and leathery, the other rag and tattery. Thursday, +cold roast beef always--when they might just as well have let us have it +hot--and pasty wasters, made of those horrible apples, which seemed to +last all the year round, except midsummer vacation time, when the stock +would be exhausted; but by the time the holidays were over, the new ones +came in off the trees--the new crops--and, of course, more sour, and +vicious, and bitter than ever. We used to call them vinegar pippins; +and I declare if that Patty Smith would not beg them of the cook, and +lie in bed and crunch them, while my teeth would be quite set on edge +with only listening to her. + +Heigho! I declare if it isn't almost as hard work to get through this +description of the eatables and drinkables at the Cedars as it was in +reality. Let me see, where was I? Oh, at Thursday! Then on Fridays it +was shoulder of mutton again, with the gravy full of sixpences; and, as +for fat--oh! they used to be so horribly fat, that I'm sure the poor +sheep must have lived in a state of bilious headache all their lives, +until the butcher mercifully killed them; while--only fancy, at a +finishing establishment!--if that odious Patty Smith did not give Clara +and me the horrors one night by an account of how her father's man--I +must do her the credit of saying that she had no stuck-up pride in her, +and never spoke of her "esteemed parent" as anything but father; for +only fancy a "papa," with a greasy red face, cutting steaks, or chopping +at a great wooden block, and crying "What-d'yer-buy--buy--buy?" Let's +see--oh! of how her father's man killed the sheep; and I declare it was +quite dreadful; and I said spitefully to Clara afterwards that I should +write by the next post and tell mamma how nicely my finishing education +was progressing, for I knew already how they killed sheep. Well, there +is only one more day's fare to describe--Saturday's, and that is soon +done, for it was precisely the same as we had on the Wednesday, only the +former used mostly to be the tattery days and the latter the hard ones. + +Now, of course, I am aware that I am writing this is a very desultory +manner; but after Mrs Blunt's rules and regulations, what can you +expect? I am writing to ease my mind, and therefore I must write just +as I think; and as this is entirely my own, I intend so to do, and those +may find fault who like. I did mean to go through the different +adventures and impressions of every day; but I have given up that idea, +because the days have managed to run one into the other, and got +themselves confused into a light and shady sad-coloured web, like Miss +Furness's scrimpy silk dress that she wore on Sundays--a dreadful +antique thing, like rhubarb shot with magnesia; for the nasty old puss +always seemed to buy her things to give her the aspect of having been +washed out, though with her dreadfully sharp features and +cheesey-looking hair--which she called auburn--I believe it would have +been impossible to make her look nice. + +Whenever there was a lecture, or a missionary meeting, or any public +affair that Mrs Blunt thought suitable, we used all to be marched off, +two and two; while the teachers used to sit behind us and Mrs Blunt +before, when she would always begin conversing in a strident voice, that +every one could hear in the room, before the business of the evening +began--talking upon some French or German author, a translation of whose +works she had read, quite aloud, for every one to hear--and hers was one +of those voices that will penetrate--when people would, of course, take +notice, and attention be drawn to the school. Of course there were some +who could see through the artificial old thing; but for the most part +they were ready to believe in her, and think her clever. + +Then the Misses Bellperret's young ladies would be there too, if it was +a lecture, ranged on the other side of the Town Hall. Theirs was the +dissenting school--one which Mrs Blunt would not condescend to mention. +It used to be such fun when the lecture was over, and we had waited for +the principal part of the people to leave, so that the school could go +out in a compact body. Mrs Blunt used to want us to go first, and the +Misses Bellperret used to want their young ladies to go first. Neither +would give way; so we were mixed up altogether, greatly to Mrs Blunt's +disgust and our delight in both schools; for really, you know, I think +it comes natural for young ladies to like to see their teachers put out +of temper. + +But always after one of these entertainments, as Mrs Blunt called +them--when, as a rule, the only entertainment was the fun afterwards-- +there used to be a lecture in Mrs B.'s study for some one who was +charged with unladylike behaviour in turning her head to look on the +other side, or at the young gentlemen of the grammar-school--fancy, you +know, thin boys in jackets, and with big feet and hands, and a bit of +fluff under their noses--big boys with squeaky, gruff, half-broken +voices, who were caned and looked sheepish; and, I declare, at last +there would be so many of these lectures for looking about, that it used +to make the young ladies worse, putting things into their heads that +they would never have thought of before. Not that I mean to say that +was the case with me, for I must confess to having been dreadfully +wicked out of real spite and annoyance. + + +CHAPTER FOUR. + +MEMORY THE FOURTH--A TERRIBLE SURPRISE. + +I don't know what I should have done if it had not fallen to my lot to +meet with a girl like Clara Fitzacre, who displayed quite a friendly +feeling towards me, making me her confidante to such an extent that I +soon found out that she was most desperately--there, I cannot say what, +but that a sympathy existed between her and the Italian master, Signor +Pazzoletto. + +"Such a divinely handsome man, dear," said Clara one night, as we lay +talking in bed, with the moon streaming her rays like a silver cascade +through the window; while Patty Smith played an accompaniment upon her +dreadful pug-nose. And then, of course, I wanted to hear all; but I +fancy Clara thought Patty was only pretending to be asleep, for she said +no more that night, but the next day during lessons she asked me to walk +with her in the garden directly they were over, and of course I did, +when she began again,-- + +"Such a divinely handsome man, dear! Dark complexion and aquiline +features. He is a count by rights, only he has exiled himself from +Italy on account of internal troubles." + +I did not believe it a bit, for I thought it more likely that he was +some poor foreigner whom Mrs Blunt had managed to engage cheaply; so +when Clara spoke of internal troubles, I said, spitefully,--"Ah, that's +what mamma talks about when she has the spasms and wants papa to get her +the brandy. Was the Signor a smuggler, and had the troubles anything to +do with brandy?" + +"Oh, no, dear," said Clara, innocently, "it was something about +politics; but you should hear him sing `_Il balen_' and `_Ah, che la +morte_'. It quite brings the tears into my eyes. But I am getting on +with my Italian so famously." + +"So it seems," I said, maliciously; "but does he know that you call him +your Italian?" + +"Now, don't be such a wicked old quiz," said Clara. "You know what I +mean--my Italian lessons. We have nearly gone through `_I Miei +Prigioni_', and it does seem so romantic. You might almost fancy he was +Silvio Pellico himself. I hope you will like him." + +"No, you don't," I said, mockingly. "I'm sure I do," said Clara; "I +said _like_, didn't I?" + +I was about to reply with some sharp saying, but just then I began +thinking about the Reverend Theodore Saint Purre and his sad, patient +face, and that seemed to stop me. + +"But I know whom you will like," said Clara. "Just stop till some one +comes--you'll see." + +"And who may that be, you little goose?" I cried, contemptuously. + +"Monsieur Achille de Tiraille, young ladies," squeaked Miss Furness. "I +hope the exercises are ready." + +Clara looked at me with her handsome eyes twinkling, and then we hurried +in, or rather Clara hurried me in; and we went into the classroom. +Almost directly after, the French master was introduced by Miss Sloman, +who frowned at me, and motioned to me to remain standing. I had risen +when he entered, and then resumed my seat; for I believe Miss Sloman +took a dislike to me from the first, because I laughed upon the day when +she overset the little table while performing her act of deportment. + +But I thought no more of Miss Sloman just then, for I knew that Clara's +eyes were upon me, and I could feel the hot blood flushing up in my +cheeks and tingling in my forehead; while I knew too--nay, I could feel, +that another pair of eyes were upon me, eyes that I had seen in the +railway carriage, at the station, in my dreams; and I quite shivered as +Miss Sloman led me up to the front of a chair where some one was +sitting, and I heard her cracked-bell voice say,-- + +"The new pupil, Monsieur Achille: Miss Bozerne." + +I could have bitten my lips with anger for being so startled and taken +aback before the dark foreign gentleman of whom I have before spoken. + +Oh, me! sinner that I am, I cannot tell much about that dreadful +afternoon. I have only some recollection of stumbling through a page of +Telemaque in a most abominable manner, so badly that I could have +cried--I, too, who would not condescend to make use of Mr Moy Thomas as +a translator, but read and revelled in "_Les Miserables_" and doated on +that Don Juan of a Gilliat in "_Les Travailleurs de Mer_" though I never +could quite understand how he could sit still and be drowned, for the +water always seems to pop you up so when you're bathing; but, then, +perhaps it is different when one is going to drown oneself, and in spite +of the horrors which followed I never quite made up my mind to do that. + +There I was, all through that lesson--I, with my pure French accent and +fluent speech, condemned to go on blundering through a page of poor old +Telemaque, after having almost worshipped that dear old Dumas, and +fallen in love with Bussy, and Chicot, and Athos, and Porthos, and +Aramis, and D'Artagnan, and I don't know how many more--but stop; let me +see. No, I did not like Porthos of the big baldric, for he was a great +booby; but as for Chicot--there, I must consider. I can't help it; I +wandered then--I wandered all the time I was at Mrs Blunt's, wandered +from duty and everything. But was I not prisoned like a poor dove, and +was it not likely that I should beat my breast against the bars in my +efforts to escape? Ah, well! I am safe at home once more, writing and +revelling in tears--patient, penitent, and at peace; but as I recall +that afternoon, it seems one wild vision of burning eyes, till I was +walking in the garden with Clara and that stupid Patty Smith. + +"Don't be afraid to talk," whispered Clara, who saw how _distraite_ I +was; "she's only a child, though she is so big." + +I did not reply, but I recalled her own silence on the previous night. + +"You won't tell tales, will you, Patty?" said Clara. + +"No," said Patty, sleepily; "I never do, do I? But I shall, though," +with a grin lighting up her fat face--"I shall, though, if you don't do +the exercise for me that horrid Frenchman has left. I can't do it, and +I sha'n't, and I won't, so now then." + +And then the great, stupid thing made a grimace like a rude child. + +It was enough to make one slap her, to hear such language; for I'm sure +Monsieur de Tiraille was so quiet and gentlemanly, and--and--well, he +was not handsome, but with such eyes. I can't find a word to describe +them, for picturesque won't do. And then, too, he spoke such excellent +English. + +I suppose I must have looked quite angrily at Patty, for just then Clara +pinched my arm. + +"I thought so," said she, laughing; "you won't make me jealous, dear, +about the Signor, now, will you, you dear, handsome girl? I declare I +was quite frightened about you at first." + +"Don't talk such nonsense," I said, though I could not help feeling +flattered. "Whatever can you mean?" + +"Oh, nothing at all," said Clara, laughing. "You can't know what I +mean. But come and sit down here, the seat is dry now. Are not flowers +sweet after the rain?" + +So we went and sat down under the hawthorn; and then Clara, who had been +at the Cedars two years, began to talk about Monsieur Achille, who was +also a refugee, and who was obliged to stay over here on account of the +French President; and a great deal more she told me, but I could not pay +much attention, for my thoughts would keep carrying me away, so that I +was constantly going over the French lesson again and again, and +thinking of how stupid I must have looked, and all on in that way, when +it did not matter the least bit in the world; and so I kept telling +myself. + +"There!" exclaimed Clara, all at once; "I never did know so tiresome a +girl. Isn't she, Patty, tiresome beyond all reason?" + +But Patty was picking and eating the sour gooseberries--a nasty pig!-- +and took not the slightest notice of the question. + +"It is tiresome," said Clara again; "for I've been talking to you for +the last half-hour, about what I am sure you would have liked to know, +and I don't believe that you heard hardly a word; for you kept on saying +`um!' and `ah,' and `yes'; and now there's the tea-bell ringing. But I +am glad that you have come, for I did want a companion so badly. Patty +is so big and so stupid; and all the other girls seem to pair off when +they sleep in the same rooms. And, besides, when we are both thinking-- +that is, both--both--you know. There, don't look like that! How droll +it is of you to pretend to be so innocent, when you know all the while +what I mean!" + +I could not help laughing and squeezing Clara's hand as I went in; for +somehow I did not feel quite so dumpy and low-spirited as I did a few +hours before; and, as I sat over the thick bread-and-butter they gave +us--though we were what, in more common schools, they would have called +parlour boarders--I began to have a good look about me, and to take a +little more notice of both pupils and teachers, giving an eye, too, at +Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount. + +Only to think of the artfulness of that woman, giving herself such a +grand name, and the stupidity of people themselves to be so taken in. +But so it was; for I feel sure it was nothing else but the "Fortesquieu +de Blount" which made mamma decide upon sending me to the Cedars. And +there I sat, wondering how it would be possible for me to manage to get +through a whole year, when I declare if I did not begin to sigh +terribly. It was the coming back to all this sort of thing, after +fancying it was quite done with; while the being marched out two and +two, as we had been that day, all round the town and along the best +walks, for a perambulating advertisement of the Cedars, Allsham, was +terrible to me. It seemed so like making a little girl of me once more, +when I was so old that I could feel a red spot burning in each cheek +when I went out; and I told Clara of them, but she said they were caused +by pasty wasters and French lessons, and not by annoyance; while, when I +looked angrily round at her, she laughed. + +It would not have mattered so much if the teachers had been nice, +pleasant, lady-like bodies, and would have been friendly and kind; but +they would not, for the sole aim of their lives seemed to be to make the +pupils uncomfortable, and find fault; and the longer I was there the +more I found this out, which was, as a matter of course, only natural. +If we were out walking--now we were walking too fast, so that the +younger pupils could not keep up with us; or else we were said to crawl +so that they were treading on our heels; and do what we would, try how +we would, at home or abroad, we were constantly wrong. Then over the +lessons they were always snapping and catching us up and worrying, till +it was quite miserable. As to that Miss Furness, I believe honestly +that nothing annoyed her more than a lesson being said perfectly, and so +depriving her of the chance of finding fault. + +Now pray why is it that people engaged in teaching must always be sour +and disappointed-looking, and ready to treat those who are their pupils +as if they were so many enemies? I suppose that it is caused by the +great pressure of knowledge leaving room for nothing mild and amiable. +Of course Patty Smith was very stupid; but it was enough to make the +poor, fat, pudgy thing ten times more stupid to hear how they scolded +her for not doing her exercises. I declare it was quite a charity to do +them for her, as it was not in her nature to have done them herself. +There she would sit, with her forehead all wrinkled up, and her thick +brows quarrelling, while her poor eyes were nearly shut; and I'm sure +her understanding was quite shut up, so that nothing could go either in +or out. + +Oh! I used to be so vexed, and could at any time have pulled off that +horrid Mrs Blunt's best cap when she used to bring in her visitors, and +then parade them through the place, displaying us all, and calling up +first one and then another, as if to show off what papa would call our +points. + +The vicar of Allsham used to be the principal and most constant visitor; +and he always made a point of taking great interest in everything, and +talking to us, asking us Scripture questions; coming on a Monday--a +dreadful old creature--so as to ask us about the sermon which he +preached on the previous morning. They were all such terrible sermons +that no one could understand--all about heresies, and ites, and saints +with hard names; and he had a bad habit of seeing how many parentheses +he could put inside one another, like the lemons from the bazaars, till +you were really quite lost, and did not know which was the original, or +what it all meant; and I'm sure sometimes he did not know where he had +got to, and that was why he stopped for quite two minutes blowing his +nose so loudly. I'm afraid I told him very, very wicked stories +sometimes when he questioned me; while if he asked me once whether I had +been confirmed, he asked me twenty times. + +I'm sure I was not so very wicked before I went down to Allsham; but I +quite shudder now when I think of what a wretch I grew, nicknaming +people and making fun of serious subjects; and oh, dear! I'm afraid to +talk about them almost. + +The vicar sat in his pew in the nave in the afternoon, and let the +curate do all the service; and I used to feel as if I could box his +ears, for he would stand at the end of his seat, half facing round, and +then, in his little, fat, round, important way, go on gabbling through +the service, as if he wasn't satisfied with the way the curate was +reading it, and must take it all out of his mouth. He upset the poor +young man terribly, and the clerk too; so that the three of them used to +tie the service up in a knot, or make a clumsy trio of it, with the +school children tripping up their heels by way of chorus. + +Then, too, the old gentleman would be so loud, and would not mind his +points, and would read the responses in the same fierce, defiant way in +which he said the Creed in the morning, just as if he was determined +that everybody should hear how he believed. And when the curate was +preaching, he has folded his arms and stared at the poor young fellow, +now shaking his head, and now blowing his nose; while the curate would +turn hot, and keep looking down at him as much as to say, "May I advance +that?" or "Won't that do, sir?" till it was quite pitiful. + +The vicar used to bring his two daughters with him to the Cedars, to +pat, and condescend, and patronise, and advise: two dreadful creatures +that Clara called the giraffes, they were so tall and thin, and +hook-nosed, and quite a pair in appearance. They dressed exactly alike, +in white crape long shawls and lace bonnets in summer; and hooked on to +their father, one on each arm, as the fat, red-faced, little old +gentleman used to come up the gravel walk, he was just like a chubby old +angel, with a pair of tall, scraggy, half-open wings. + +But though the two old frights were so much alike in appearance, they +never agreed upon any point; and the parishioners had a sad time of it +with first one and then the other. They were always leaving books for +the poor people's reading, and both had their peculiar ideas upon the +subject of what was suitable. They considered that they knew exactly +what every one ought to read, and what every one else ought to read was +just the very reverse of what they ought to read themselves. But there, +they do not stand alone in that way, as publishers well know when they +bring out so many works of a kind that they are sure customers will +buy--not to read, but to give away--very good books, of course. + +It was all very well to call them the giraffes, and that did very well +for their height; but as soon as I found out how one was all for one +way, and the other immediately opposed to her sister, declaring she was +all wrong, I christened them--the Doxies--Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy. It +was very dreadful--wasn't it?--and unladylike, and so on; but it did +seem to fit, and all the girls took it up and enjoyed it; only that +odious Celia Blang must tell Miss Furness, and Miss Furness must tell +Mrs Blunt, and then of course there was a terrible hubbub, and I was +told that it was profane in one sense, bad taste in another, and +disgusting language in another; for the word "doxy" was one that no lady +should ever bring her lips to utter. When if I did not make worse of +it--I mean in my own conscience--by telling a most outrageous story, and +saying I was sorry, when I wasn't a bit. + +Oh, the visitors! I was sick of them; for it was just as if we girls +were kept to show. I used to call the place Mrs Blunt's Menagerie, and +got into a scrape about that; for everything I said was carried to the +principal--not that I cared, only it made me tell those stories, and say +I was sorry when I was not. + +The curate and his poor unfortunate wife came sometimes. A +curious-looking couple they were, too, who seemed as if they had found +matrimony a mistake, and did not approve of it; for they always talked +in a quiet, subdued way, and walked as far apart from one another as +they could. + +The curate had not much to say for himself; but he made the best he +could of it, and stretched his words out a tremendous length, saying +pa-a-ast and la-a-ast; so that when he said the word everlasting in the +service, it was perfectly terrible, and you stared at him in dismay, as +if there really never would be an end to it. + +We used to ask one another, when he had gone, what he had been talking +about; but we never knew--only one had two or three long-stretched-out +words here, and a few more there. But it did not matter; and I think we +liked him better than his master, the vicar. As for his wife, she had a +little lesson by heart, and she said it every time she came, with a +sickly smile, as she smoothed one side at a time of her golden locks, +which always looked rough; and hers were really golden locks--about +eight-carat gold, I should say, like Patty Smith's trumpery locket; for +they showed the red coppery alloy very strongly--too strongly for my +taste, which favours pale gold. + +Pray do not for a moment imagine that I mean any vulgar play upon words, +and am alluding to any vegetable in connection with the redness of the +Mrs Curate's hair; for she was a very decent sort of woman, if she +would not always have asked me how I was, and how was mamma, and how was +papa, and how I liked Allsham, and whether I did not think Mrs de +Blount a pattern of deportment. And then, as a matter of course, I was +obliged to tell another story; so what good could come to me from the +visits of our vicar and his followers? + + +CHAPTER FIVE. + +MEMORY THE FIFTH--I GET INTO DIFFICULTIES. + +I declare my progress with my narrative seems for all the world like +papa carving a pigeon-pie at a picnic: there were the claws sticking out +all in a bunch at the top, as much as to say there were plenty of +pigeons inside; but when he cut into it, there was just the same result +as the readers must find with this work--nothing but disappointing bits +of steak, very hard and tiresome. But I can assure you, like our cook +at home, that all the pigeons were put in, and if you persevere you will +be as successful as papa was at last, though I must own that pigeon is +rather an unsatisfactory thing for a hungry person. + +Heigho! what a life did I live at the Cedars: sigh, sigh, sigh, morning, +noon, and night. I don't know what I should have done if it had not +been for the garden, which was very nice, and the gardener always very +civil. The place was well kept up--of course for an advertisement; and +when I was alone in the garden, which was not often, I used to talk to +the old man or one of his underlings, while they told me of their +troubles. It is very singular, but though I thought the place looked +particularly nice, I learnt from the old man that it was like every +garden I had seen before, nothing to what it might be if there were +hands enough to keep it in order. I spoke to papa about that singular +coincidence, and he laughed, and said that it was a problem that had +never yet been solved:--how many men it would take to keep a garden in +thorough order. + +There was one spot I always favoured during the early days of my stay. +It was situated on the north side of the house, where there was a dense, +shady horse-chestnut, and beneath it a fountain in the midst of +rockery--a fountain that never played, for the place was too oppressive +and dull; but a few tears would occasionally trickle over the stones, +where the leaves grew long and pallid, and the blossoms of such flowers +as bloomed here were mournful, and sad, and colourless. It seemed just +the spot to sit and sigh as I bent over the ferns growing from between +the lumps of stone; for you never could go, even on the hottest days +without finding some flower or another with a tear in its eye. + +I hope no one will laugh at this latter conceit, and call it poetical or +trivial; for if I like to write in a sad strain, and so express my +meaning when I allude to dew-wet petals, where is the harm? + +But to descend to everyday life. I talked a great deal just now about +the different visitors we had, and the behaviour of our vicar in the +church; and really it was a very nice little church, though I did not +like the manners of some of the people who frequented it. + +Allsham being a small country town, as a matter of course it possessed +several grandees, some among whom figured upon Mrs Blunt's circular; +and it used to be so annoying to see about half-a-dozen of these big +people cluster outside the porch in the churchyard, morning and +afternoon, to converse, apparently, though it always seemed to me that +they stood there to be bowed to by the tradesmen and mechanics. They +never entered the church themselves until the clergyman was in the +reading-desk, and the soft introductory voluntary was being played on +the organ by the Fraulein, who performed in the afternoon, the organist +in the morning. Then the grandees would come marching in slowly and +pompously as a flock of geese one after another into a barn, proceeding +majestically to their pews; when they would look into their hats for a +few moments, seat themselves, and then stare round, as much as to say, +"We are here now. You may begin." + +It used to annoy me from its regularity and the noise their boots made +while the clergyman was praying; for they might just as well have come +in a minute sooner; but then it was the custom at Allsham, and I was but +a visitor. + +I did not get into any trouble until I had been there a month, when +Madame Blunt must give me an imposition of a hundred lines for laughing +at her, when I'm sure no one could have helped it, try ever so hard. In +the schoolroom there was a large, flat, boarded thing, about a foot +high, all covered with red drugget; and upon this used to stand Mrs +Blunt's table and chair, so that she was a great deal higher than anyone +else, and could easily look over the room. Then so sure as she began to +sit down upon this dais, as she used to call it, there was a great deal +of fuss and arranging of skirts, and settling of herself into her chair, +which she would then give two or three pushes back, and then fidget +forward; and altogether she would make more bother than one feels +disposed to make sometimes upon being asked to play before company, when +the music-stool requires so much arranging. + +Now, upon the day in question she had come in with her head all on one +side, and pulling a sad long face, pretending the while to be very +poorly, because she was half-an-hour late, and we had been waiting for +the lesson she was down in the table to give. Then, as we had often had +it before, and knew perfectly well what was coming, she suddenly caught +sight of the clock. + +"Dear me, Miss Sloman! Bless my heart, that clock is very much too +fast," she would exclaim. "It cannot be nearly so late as that." + +"I think it is quite right, Mrs de Blount," Miss Sloman would say, +twitching her moustache. + +"Oh, dear me, no, Miss Sloman; nothing like right. My pendule is quite +different." + +Of course we girls nudged one another--that is not a nice word, but +kicked or elbowed seems worse; and then, thinking I did not know, Clara +whispered to me that her ladyship always went on like that when she was +down late of a morning. But I had noticed it several times before; +while there it was, always the same tale, and the silly old ostrich +never once saw that we could see her when she had run her stupid old +head in the sand. + +Well, according to rule, she came in, found fault with the clock, but +took care not to have it altered to match her gimcrack French affair in +her bedroom, which she always called her pendule. Then she climbed on +to the dais; and, as usual, she must be very particular about the +arrangement of the folds of her satin dress, which was one of the +company or parent-seeing robes, now taken into everyday use. + +"Look out," whispered Clara to me. + +"What for?" I said, in the same low tone. + +But instead of answering she pretended to be puzzled with something in +her lesson, and got up to go and ask Miss Furness what it meant. + +All this while Mrs Blunt was getting up and sitting down, and rustling +about like an old hen in a dust-bath, to get herself in position; when +quite suddenly there was a sharp scream and a crash; and, on jumping up, +I could see the lady principal upon the floor behind the dais where she +had pulled over the table, and the ink was trickling down upon her neck. + +Of course, any lady in her senses would have got up directly, and tried +to repair the mischief; but not she: for there she lay groaning as if in +terrible pain, as Miss Furness and Miss Sloman, one at either hand, were +trying to raise her, the Fraulein the while dragging off the table, and +exclaiming in German; but not the slightest impression was made upon the +recumbent mass--which seems to me the neatest way of saying "lying-down +lump." + +Clara ran out of the room, holding her handkerchief to her mouth, but +pretending all the while to be frightened out of her wits; and then what +a fuss there was getting the fallen one into her seat again--but not on +the dais--bathing her face, chafing her hands, sprinkling her with _Eau +de Cologne_, holding salts to her nose; and it was just as she was +groaning the loudest and sighing her worst that Clara came back, and +began to look in her droll, comical way at me. + +I had not seen through the trick at first; but all at once I recalled +that wicked girl's "Look out!" when it flashed through my mind in an +instant that she had moved back the chair and table upon the dais, so +that at the first good push back of her chair the poor woman fell down; +and so, what with the thoughts of the wicked trick, and Mrs Blunt's +long-drawn face, and Clara's droll eyes peering at me so saucily, I +could not help it, but burst out into a loud laugh. + +Talk of smelling-salts, and bathing, and chafing, why, they were as +nothing in comparison with that laugh. Poor Mrs Blunt! I dare say she +did hurt herself, for she was stout and heavy; but she was well again in +an instant, and looked at me in a horribly furious manner. But I did +not care--not a bit; and I could not help it, for it was not my fault I +could see though, that she thought that it was, as she burst out,-- + +"Miss Bozerne!" + +"Such unladylike behaviour," chimed in Miss Furness. + +"So cruel!" exclaimed Miss Sloman. + +"Ach ten!" ejaculated the Fraulein; while I caught sight of Miss Murray +looking quite pained at me. + +"I did not think that a young lady in my establishment would have been +guilty of such atrocious conduct," exclaimed Mrs Blunt furiously. + +"No, indeed," said Miss Furness. + +"Something entirely new," exclaimed Miss Sloman, tossing her pretty +head. + +And there stood poor Miss Bozerne--poor me--feeling so red and ear +tingling; for though I said that I did not care, I did, and very much +too; but nothing should have made me confess that I knew the cause of +the accident; and though all the while I was sure that dreadful Mrs +Blunt thought I had moved her chair, I bore it, determined not to betray +Clara, little thinking the while that the time would come when, upon a +much more serious occasion, I should be dependent upon her generosity. +But it really did seem too bad of the tiresome thing, who was holding +down her head, and thoroughly enjoying the whole scene; and no doubt it +was excellent fun for her, but it was very hard upon poor me. + +"Leave the room, Miss Bozerne, and retire to your dormitory," exclaimed +Mrs Blunt at last, in a very awful tone of voice, and putting on every +scrap of dignity she could command. + +I felt just as if I should have liked to have said "I won't;" but I +controlled myself, and, making a sweeping curtsey, I went out, feeling +very spiteful. And then, when I was upstairs and had received my +hundred-line French imposition, I commenced work by writing a cross +letter to mamma, and telling her that I would not stay in the nasty +school any longer; and declaring that if she did not come soon and fetch +me, I should run away. + +But though it was a very smartly-written, satirical letter, I tore it up +afterwards; for something seemed to whisper to me that--that--well, +that--But if those who have read so far into my confessions will have +patience, and quietly keep on reading leaf after leaf, trying the while +to sympathise with me, no doubt they will form a judgment for themselves +of the reason which prevented me from sending the letter to mamma, and +made me try to put up with the miseries of that select establishment for +young ladies--the Cedars, Allsham. + + +CHAPTER SIX. + +MEMORY THE SIXTH--GERMS THAT BUD. + +One long, weary, dreadful drag, but somehow or another time slipped +away; though I shudder now when I recall that during that lapse of time +I was growing more and more wicked every day; and matters were slowly +progressing towards the dire hour when my happiness was wrecked for +ever--buoyant bark though it was--upon the shoals and quicksands +surrounding the fair land of love and joy. + +It would, perhaps, look particular, or I would repeat that last musical +sentence, which seems to describe so aptly my feelings. But to resume. +One could not help liking French lessons when one had such a teacher; +and, oh, how I used to work to get my exercises perfect! Clara began to +laugh and tease, but then I could fight her with her own weapons. I did +not mind her beginning to say the verb _aimer_, because I always used to +retaliate with something Italian, and she was beaten directly; for any +one with half an eye could see why she was so fond of that especial +study. + +How the monster with the short, crisp beard used to stare at me! Just +as he did at the very first, when mamma was with me; and for a long time +I used to fancy that every teacher and pupil must see how his eyes were +directed at me, though I suppose really there was nothing for any one to +see. But, oh, what a battle I used to have when lessons were over, and +I had settled down into a quiet, dreamy way. Then would come the face +of the Reverend Theodore Saint Purre, our curate in town, to look at me +reproachfully, so sadly that I used to have many a good cry; and I +hardly knew how to bear it. And certainly before I left London, I used +to think a great deal of Mr Saint Purre; and I'm sure no young lady was +more regular at church than I was. I was there every morning at eight, +at the prayers, when really it was such a job in the cold weather to get +up and be dressed--nicely dressed--in time. Then, I never missed one +Wednesday or Friday, nor a saint's day; and as to Sundays, I went three +times as a matter of course. Of course papa was, as you know, wicked +enough to hint that so much going to church did not constitute true +religion, and he did not believe in it. Wasn't it shocking? I did ask +myself once, though, whether I should have gone so often if there had +been a different curate. + +I must own that I certainly did think a great deal of Theodore Saint +Purre before I left London, as I said before; but then it was not my +wish to leave--I was forced away, and I had not dreamed of the noble +exile then: the tender chords of sympathy for others' sorrows had not +then been touched. I had not learned to pity one who was driven by a +cruel tyrant from home and estate to gain his bread upon a cold shore by +imparting the "_langue douce_" of his "_chere patrie_." I had not then +seen the stern but handsome refugee--so handsome as, after all, I am +compelled to think him; so interesting even in the little errors of +pronunciation of our tongue. I always thought French a great bother +until I heard him speak it, and then I grew to quite idolise the bright, +sparkling idioms. Shakespeare was, of course, soon banished to make way +for Moliere; and then after reading to him, Monsieur Achille would +perhaps say a few words of praise, every one of which would make my face +tingle so that I felt red right up to the roots of my hair. + +But the Cedars was, after all, a dreadfully tiresome place, and seemed +made up of aggravation. What was the use of having a lawn for tennis, +with the nets all so ostentatiously displayed, as if the young ladies +could always enjoy a little recreation there, when, so sure as one had a +racquet in hand and any one began to serve, squeak, screech, or croak +came the voice of Miss Furness, Miss Sloman, or the Fraulein, to +announce some new lesson, when, of course, we had to go in? I declare +if I did not, over and over again, say that vulgar, wicked word that I +had learned of papa, and tried so hard to break myself of, though it +seemed of not the slightest use, and the more I tried the metre it would +keep forcing itself into my mind--I declare if I did not, over and over +again say "Jigger the lessons!" + +What it meant, I never knew; and to be candid, I have always been afraid +to ask for fear of its being unladylike and strange. + +I used to get up every morning sighing and declaring that I would not +stay, till I took hold of the books to prepare my French exercises, when +somehow I glided into a better frame of mind; for they seemed to cheer +me up, and render the place a little less distasteful. I know very well +now that my conduct afterwards was very sad, and that I can offer no +defence; but when there is any scandal, and things that were untrue have +been said, of course I feel bound to speak up; and, whether out of place +or not, I mean to say here that, whether it was to tease me, or whether +she meant it, all that Clara hinted was untrue. + +Why is it that girls delight so much in making the course of--I mean +have such a strong desire to hint, and laugh, and look as if saying, "I +know." + +I never once wrote Monsieur Achille's name upon my blotting-paper, for I +would not have been guilty of such bold, outrageous conduct; but the +tiresome creature would persist in saying that I did, and, as a matter +of course, it was of no use to try and stop her. But I could not help +feeling how shocking it was, and how wrong for Monsieur Achille to take +advantage of his position as a teacher to behave as he did. He must +have been very badly taught himself; and yet it did seem so sweet when +one was banished in this way from home, joined to him, as it were, by +those before-mentioned chords of sympathy--to him, another exile from +home; and it was such nonsense to say Mrs Blunt's establishment +embraced all the comforts of a home, when one never saw a single +comfort: if it did, they must have been embraced so tightly that they +were all smothered--it seemed so sweet to have one to take an interest +in every word and look, as Monsieur Achille soon showed that he did. +And we had no pets--neither bird nor dog; and what could I do but set to +loving something? + +I may be wrong, but it seems to me only natural that we should have +something on which to bestow our love; and if that is taken away upon +which one wishes to bestow it, why it must gush over upon some other +object. Of course, I loved Clara; but, then, she loved something else, +and one did not get a fair exchange for one's affection; and I wanted a +great deal of devotion to comfort me then, and make up for what I was +suffering. So at last, giving way the least, little, tiniest morsel at +a time, I began to feel that I should some day love Monsieur Achille +very passionately; and--oh, how wicked!--I was first quite sure of it at +church one Sunday, when that dreadful curate was preaching at the old +vicar, and Orthodoxy and Heterodoxy were saying it over to themselves +with their eyes shut, and one's heart was out in the green fields and +woods and far away, and as wicked as a heart can be. + +Oh, yes, wicked--wicked--wicked as could be--dreadfully wicked! But it +was all mamma's fault. I had many a good cry about it, but I could not +help it all; and after walking two and two to church together, like +little girls--it did seem such a relief to have some one in the building +who did not look upon one as a child. For there _he_ used to sit, +Sunday after Sunday, behaving so hypocritically, for all the while he +was a Roman Catholic; only he came to church to please Mrs Blunt, +though I sometimes fancy it was to please himself as well. But it was +upon this one Sunday that I seemed to notice it so particularly. Just +for want of something better to do, I suppose, I had been taking the +greatest of pains with myself; and I must have looked nice, or else +Clara would not have stood and clapped her hands when I was ready. Then +we went off, and no sooner were we well outside the great iron gates +than there just before us we could see Monsieur Achille and the Signor, +arm in arm, going towards the church, and having evidently just before +been taking a walk in the bright, free, green fields from which I was +prisoned. I saw them look very hard towards us when they turned round, +and Clara whispered that she knew why they had come, and where they were +going; for previous to this, I suppose, they had very seldom been in the +church--at least, we had never hardly seen them. + +But it was plain enough where they were going, for they went in just +before us; and as they stood in the porch waiting for the pew-opener, +the Signor commenced crossing himself just as if it were a regular Roman +Catholic chapel, till I saw Monsieur Achille pinch his arm and whisper +something, so that he dropped his hand to his side and looked quite +horrified. Then I saw Monsieur Achille whisper to the pew-opener, and +they disappeared within the great swing, red-baize doors, and we went +upstairs to fill the long pews in the gallery. + +It was only natural that we should look round the church after being +comfortably seated, when there, in one of the sideway seats were the two +masters, casting an eye up towards us every now and then, and looking so +hard that I felt quite ashamed, and was afraid it would be observed; but +I soon remembered that our three Graces were sitting in the pew behind, +and I knew they felt sure that the glances were directed at them. Poor +things! And then it was that I had that thought come into my head, +forcing its way in as if to make its abode there, although I shut my +eyes tightly, and determined not to think of anything of the kind. + +People take opiates for pains bodily; but why, oh! why do not Savoury +and Moore, or Godfrey and Cooke, or somebody or another bring out an +opiate for pains mental? What would I not have given that day to have +lulled the excitement of my feelings, and to have attended quietly to my +duties as I ought? + +Tiresome, tiresome, tiresome!--oh, how tiresome it was, day after day, +to go back to all the old school ways and habits--writing exercises, +learning lessons, saying them, and being corrected and snubbed; heard to +read, one's emphasis here, there, and everywhere found fault with, when +I'm sure I read far better than those who heard me. Then my writing was +not in accordance with Mrs Blunt's ideas of penmanship. + +There were no novels to read; no _Times_, with its mysterious +advertisements, that seem to mean such a deal; no morning concerts, no +walks or rides--only exercise, two and two, as walking advertisements of +the Cedars. I declare at last, in spite of the French lessons--or +perhaps partly owing to the whirl within me, and the dreadfully worried +state I was in--I grew quite low-spirited, and could not eat, and used +to sit and mope, and I could see that I was getting paler and paler +every day. + +This sort of thing, though, would not do for Mrs Blunt, who saw in it +the probable loss of a pupil and plenty of pounds a year; and one +morning there was a summons for me to go into the drawing-room, where +I found Mrs Blunt and a gentleman in black--so prim, so +white-handkerchiefed and gold-sealed! All his grey hair was brushed up +into a point, like an ice-mountain on the top of his head; while, +whenever he spoke, his words came rolling out like great sugar-coated +pills--so soft, so sweet, so smooth, you might have taken him for a +great mechanical bon-bon box, and the hand he gently waved for the +spring that set him in motion. I knew well enough that he was a doctor, +as soon as I went in, and that he had been sent for to see me. + +"Miss Bozerne, Dr Boole," said Mrs Blunt. + +And then, after ever so much bowing and saluting, there was the horrid +old wretch, screwing his face up, and wagging his head, and peeping at +me out of his half-shut eyes; and he felt my pulse and told me to put +out my tongue. While directly after he drew in a long breath and +pinched his lips together, as if he knew all about my complaint, and +could see through it in a moment. But he did not know that I was +mentally delivering him a homily upon hypocrisy, of which dreadful stuff +it seemed to me there was an abundance at Allsham, it being about the +place like an epidemic--or I suppose I ought to say it was in the place +like an epidemic. And I must confess I had caught the complaint very +badly, though Dr Boole was no use for that, seeing that he could not +cure himself. Oh! if everybody troubled with hypocrisy would only call +in the doctor, what a fortune each medical man would soon make! + +Well, the doctor left hold of my wrist, after putting it down gently, as +if it were something breakable, and put his gold eyeglasses up for +another inspection. + +Was not my appetite rather failing? Did I not have a strong inclination +to sigh? Did I not feel low-spirited, and wake of a morning +unrefreshed? + +Why, of course I did. And so would any one who had been treated as I +had, and so I felt disposed to tell him; but it would have been of +little use. So I let them say and think what they liked; and when the +interview was over, the doctor rose and walked out of the room, bowing +in a way that must have delighted Mrs Blunt's ideas of deportment; for +he had written something upon a half-sheet of note-paper, and left +orders that the prescription should be immediately made up. + +"Of course," said Mrs Blunt, "I shall write to your dear mamma by the +next post, Miss Bozerne; but she need be under no concern, for the +kindness of a home will be bestowed upon you. And now you had better +return to the pursuance of your course of studies." + +I took the extremely polite hint; but I did not take the medicine when +it was sent in. What did I want with medicine? Why, it was absurd. I +used to pour it out into the glass, and then take it to the open window +and throw it as far out as I could, so as to make a shower of fine +physic fall upon the grass and pathway--such small drops that no one +could see it had been thrown out. And, after all, I'm sure it was only +a little bitter water, coloured and scented, and labelled to look +important. + +At the doctor's next visit I was horribly afraid that he would ask me +whether I had taken the medicine; and sure enough he did, only Mrs +Blunt directly said "Yes," and he was satisfied, and said I was much +better, though he did not quite like my flushed, feverish-looking face. +So he wrote another prescription for that, when I was only colouring up +on account of being asked about his nasty stuff. + + +CHAPTER SEVEN. + +MEMORY THE SEVENTH--FRENCH WITH A MASTER. + +That dreadful man had pronounced me to be decidedly better, and had been +and gone for the last time, while I felt quite sorry as I thought of the +expense, and of how it would figure in the account along with the books +and extras. The creature had rubbed his hands and smiled, and +congratulated me upon my improved looks and rapid return to health. But +really I did feel decidedly better, though it was not his doing; and if +any prescription at all had done me good, it was a tiny one written in +French. And now, somehow, I did seem to find the Cedars a little more +bearable, and my spirits were brighter and better; but not one drop of +the odious medicine had I taken. + +Clara had more than once seen me throw it away, and had said "Oh!" and +"My!" and "What a shame!" but I had thrown it away all the same, except +twice or three times when I got Patty Smith to take it for me, which she +did willingly, upon my promising to do her exercises; and I really think +she would have taken quarts of the odious stuff on the same conditions, +for she could eat and drink almost anything, and I believe that she was +all digestive apparatus instead of brains. Pasty wasters, fat, sour +gooseberries, vinegar pippins, it was all the same to her; and she used +to be always having great dry seed-cakes sent to her from home, to sit +voraciously devouring at night when we went to bed; and then out of +generosity, when I had helped her with her exercises--which I often did +as I grew more contented--she would cut me off wedges of the nasty, +branny stuff with her scissors, which was a lucky thing for the +sparrows, who used to feast upon seed-cake crumbs from morning to night, +for I never ate any. + +And now I began to pay more attention to the lessons: singing with the +Signor or the Fraulein, who had one of the most croaky voices I ever +heard, though she was certainly a most brilliant pianiste. Her name was +Gretchen, but we used to call her Clarionette, for that seemed to suit +best with her horrid, reedy, croaky voice. Then, too, I used to +practise hard with my instrumental music; but such a jangly piano we had +for practice, though there was a splendid Collard in the drawing-room +that it was quite a treat to touch. But only fancy working up Brinley +Richards, or Vincent Wallace, or Czerny upon a horrible skeleton-keyed +piano that would rattle like old bones, while it was always out of tune, +had a dumb note somewhere, and was not even of full compass. Then I +tried hard to take to the dancing, and to poor little Monsieur de +Kittville--droll little man!--who always seemed to have two more arms +than belonged to him; and there they were, tight in his coat sleeves, +and hung out, one on each side, as if he did not know where to put them; +and he a master of deportment! + +I had quite taken the turn now, and was trying to bear it all, and put +up with everything as well as I could, even with the horribly regular +meals which we used to sit down to at a table where all the knives and +forks were cripples--some loose in their handles, some were cracked, +some were bent, and others looked over their shoulders. One horrid +thing came out one day, and peppered my dinner with rosiny dust; and +there it was--a fork--sticking upright in a piece of tough stewed steak, +although two of the prongs were bent; and when some of the girls +tittered, Miss Furness said that I ought to have known better, and that +such behaviour was most unladylike and unbecoming. + +But there, she was naturally an unpleasant, crabby old thing, and never +hardly opened her lips to speak without saying words that were all +crooked and full of corners. She once told Celia Blang--the pupil she +petted, and who used to tell her tales--that she had been considered +very handsome, and was called the "flower of the village;" but if she +was, they must have meant the flower of the vinegar plant--for it is +impossible to conceive a more acid old creature. In church, too, it was +enough to make one turn round and slap her; for if she did not copy from +the vicar, and take to repeating the responses out quite terribly loud, +and before the officiating priest, so as to make believe how devout she +was, when it really seemed to me that it was only to make herself +conspicuous. And then, to see the way in which the vain old thing used +to dress her thin, straggley hair! I do not laugh at people because +their hair is not luxuriant or is turning grey, but at their vanity, +which I am sure deserves it; and anybody is welcome to laugh at mine. + +As for Miss Furness's hair, there was a bit of false here and another +bit there, and so different in shade and texture to her own that it was +quite shocking to see how artificial she looked; while, to make matters +ten times worse, she could not wear her hair plain, but in that +old-fashioned Eugenie style, stretching the skin of her face out so +tightly that her red nose shone, and she was continually on the grin. +And yet I've caught her standing before the glass in the drawing-room, +to simper and smile at herself, as if she were a goddess of beauty. + +After a time the Eugenie style was dismissed to make way for a great +pad; when, very soon, her light silk dress was all over pomatumy marks +between the shoulders, though she rubbed it well with bread-crumbs every +night. I was so annoyed that I curled my hair all round, and next day +wore it hanging in ringlets; and this was the day upon which I received +the prescription written in French, which did me so much good. It was +French lesson day, and while my exercise was being corrected and I was +trying to translate, I felt something pressed into my hand; and somehow +or another--though I knew how horribly wicked it was--I had not the +heart to refuse it, but blushed, and trembled, and stood there with my +face suffused, blundering through the translation, until the lesson was +ended, and without daring to look at the giver, I rushed away upstairs +and devoured those two or three lines hastily scribbled upon a piece of +exercise paper. + +No! never, never, never will I divulge what they were! Enough that I +say how they made my cheeks burn, my heart throb, and the whole place +turn into an abode of bliss. Why, I could have kissed Mrs Blunt and +all the teachers that evening; and when, at tea-time, as I sat +thoughtful and almost happy--I think that I was quite happy for a little +while--Miss Furness said something spiteful and cross, I really don't +think I minded it a bit. + +It did not last long--that very bright rose-colour medium; but there was +something of it henceforth to make lessons easy, and the time to pass +less dolefully. I did not answer the first note, nor the second, nor +yet the third; but I suppose he must have seen that I was not +displeased, or he would not have written so many times; but at last I +did dare to give him a look, which brought note after note for me to +devour again and again in solitude. I quite tremble now I write, when I +think of the daring I displayed in receiving them; but I was brave then, +and exultant over my conquest in holding for slave that noble-looking +French refugee, whose private history must, I felt, be such a romance, +that I quite felt as if I grew taller with importance. + +Every note I received was written in his own sweet, sparkling, +champagne-like language; and, oh! what progress I made in the tongue, +though I am afraid I did not deserve all the praise he bestowed upon me. + +Times and times he used to pray for an interview, that I would meet him +somewhere--anywhere; but of course I could not yield to any such +request, but told him to be content with the replies I gave him to his +notes. But still, plan after plan would he propose, and all of them so +dreadfully imprudent, and wild, and chivalrous, that nothing could be +like it. I know that he would have been a knight or a cavalier had he +lived earlier; while as to his looks!--ah, me! I fear that there must +be truth in mesmerism, for I felt from the first that he had some +terrible power over me, and could--what shall I say?--there, I cannot +think of a better simile--turn me, as it were, round his finger; and +that is really not an elegant expression. But then, he was so calm, so +pensive-looking, and noble, that he might have been taken for one of +Byron's heroes--Lara, or Manfred, or the Giaour. Either or all of these +must have been exactly like him; while to find out that I, Laura +Bozerne, was the sole object of his worship--Oh! it was thrilling. + +I do not know how the time went then, for to me there seemed to be only +one measurement, and that was the space between Monsieur Achille's +lessons. As to the scoldings that I was constantly receiving, I did not +heed them now in the least; for my being was filled by one sole thought, +while the shadowy, reproachful face of Theodore Saint Purre grew more +faint day by day. It must have been weeks--I cannot tell; months, +perhaps--after my entrance as pupil at the Cedars that I retired on some +excuse one afternoon to my dormitory, with a little, sharp, +three-cornered note, and tremblingly anxious I tore it open, and read +its contents. + +And those contents? I would not even hint at them, if it were not that +they are so necessary to the progress of my confessions. + +He said that he had implored me again and again to meet him, and yet I +was relentless and cruel; and now he had come to the determination to +wait night by night under the great elm-trees by the side wall, when, +even if I would not meet him, he would still have the satisfaction of +stilling the beatings of his aching heart by folding his arms about it, +leaning against some solitary, rugged trunk, and gazing upon the casket +which contained his treasure. I might join him, or I might leave him to +his bitter solitude; but there he would be, night after night, as a +guardian to watch over my safety. + +It was a beautiful note, and no amount of translating could do it +justice; for after the glowing French in which it was written, our +language seems cold and blank. + +What could I do? I could not go, and yet it was impossible to resist +the appeal. How could I rest upon my pillow, knowing him to be alone in +the garden watching, with weary, waiting eyes, for my coming?--for him +to be there hour after hour, till the cold dawn was breaking, and then +to turn away, with Tennyson, slightly altered, upon his lips,-- + +"_She_ cometh not, _he_ said." + +It was too much! I fought as I had fought before, over and over again, +thinking of how it would be wicked, wrong, imprudent, unmaidenly. Oh, +what dozens of adjectives I did slap my poor face with that afternoon, +vowing again and again that I would not heed his note. But it was +unbearable; and at last, with flushed cheeks and throbbing pulses, I +plunged the note beneath the front of my dress, exclaiming,-- + +"Come what may, I will be there!" + + +CHAPTER EIGHT. + +MEMORY THE EIGHTH--ONE OF MY SINS. + +A day had passed--a long, long, dreary day, and a weary, weary night-- +during which I kept on starting up from sleep to think that I heard a +voice whispering the word "Come!" + +Come, come, come--ah! the number of times I seemed to hear that word, +and sat up in bed, pressing my hair from my ears to listen, to lie down +again with a sigh--for it was only fancy. How could I go? What could I +do? I dare not try to meet him, even though I had vowed that I would. +I kept calling myself coward, but that was of no use, for I only owned +to it and made no reply; though towards morning, after I had been +picturing to myself his weary form leaning watchingly against a tree for +hours, and then seemed to see him slowly going disappointed away, I made +another vow that, come another night, spite of cowardice and anything +else, I would go. + +And then, while I lay thinking of how shocking it would be, and all that +sort of thing, I dropped off asleep to be awakened by a curious buzzing +noise, which was Patty Smith humming a tune--like some horrible great +bluebottle--as she was dressing, for the bell had rung some time before. + +And now the next night had come. It was so hot that I could scarcely +breathe, and the tiresome moon would shine so dreadfully bright that it +was like a great, round eye peering between the edge of the blind and +the window-frame to watch my proceedings. Clara was soon in bed, and +breathing hard; while as for Patty Smith, she snored to that degree that +I quite shivered. It must have been her snoring that made me shiver, +for as to what I was about to venture, now that I could feel my mind +fully made up, I was quite bold, though my heart would beat so loudly +that it went "thump, thump," under the heavy clothes. I had hurried +upstairs first, and was lying in bed quite dressed, though I lay +wondering whether those two would notice that my clothes were not there +by the bedside. I thought it would never be twelve o'clock, and I tried +to think what Achille would be doing. It was so romantic, now that I +had passed the first feeling of dread, and seemed so much nicer than +sitting up in bed in the dark to have a supper of cakes, sweets, and +apples, as we used to at the old school when I was young. Ah, yes, when +I was young!--for I felt old now. In another hour I should be down in +the side walk, where the wall skirted the road. But suppose I were +heard upon the stairs, or opening the side door, or Clara should wake, +or-- + +"Oh, you goose!" I exclaimed at last; "pray don't go if you are so much +afraid." + +But really it was enough to make any maiden's heart beat. + +I had changed his note about from place to place, for I could not part +with it, and I sighed at the very idea of locking it up in my box with +the others; but I had it now, and I could feel the sharp corner prick +every time I moved. I knew it every word by heart, down even to where +it said, "Thine for ever;" and as I whispered it over to myself, I grew +more and more excited, and longed for the time to slip by faster. + +At last, when it seemed as though it would never come, I heard the +church clock faintly striking twelve; and then I shivered again horribly +with that dreadful Patty's snoring, for it was not likely I should have +any foolish fancies about witching hours of midnight, or anything of +that kind; and then I softly glided out of bed, and stood quite still +for nearly five minutes, when, all remaining quiet, and the breathing of +Clara and Patty sounding regular, I stepped on one side of the bright +pathway made by the moonbeams, made my way to the door, and gently +turned the handle. + +I never knew that door to be so noisy before, and I now really trembled; +for, as the tiresome thing creaked, I could hear either Clara or Patty +turn in bed, and I stopped quite short, expecting every moment to hear +my name pronounced. But no--all was silence and snore. I gently closed +the door after me, and stood in the dark passage, with my heart almost +failing; for I hardly dared stir a step farther, knowing, as I did, that +in the next room slept the Fraulein, while the other two Graces were +only a few steps farther down the passage. Somebody was breathing so +hard that it was almost a snore, and it was not Patty Smith now; and +more than once I was for going back, but I stole on at last, and reached +the great staircase, where the moon was shining right through the +skylight, and making queer shadows upon the wall. But I glided down, +and was nearly at the bottom, when, looking up, I felt almost ready to +sink--for, in the full glare of the moonlight, there stood a tall figure +gazing down at me. + +I did not shriek, nor turn to run away, for I had self-command enough to +govern the emotions struggling for exit; though I wonder that I did not +go mad with fear from the terror which came upon me, as I saw the tall, +white figure come slowly gliding down--nearer, nearer, nearer; now in +the moonlight, now in the deep shade. Oh, it was fearful! And, after +all, to be candid, I believe the reason I did not scream out was because +I could not; for my mouth felt hot and parched, and at times my head +seemed quite to swim. + +As I stood on one of the landings, and backed away from the coming +figure, I felt the door of the little room where we hung our garden hats +and mantles give way behind me, when I backed slowly in, pushed the door +softly to, and then crept tremblingly into a corner, drawing a large +shawl before me, but not without knocking down a hat from one of the +pegs, to fall with, oh! such a noise, seeing that it was only straw. +There I stood, almost without breathing, hoping that I had not been +seen, and that the figure, whatever it was, would go by. + +Every second seemed turned into a minute, and at last I began to revive; +for I felt that, whatever the figure was, it had passed on; and I drew a +long breath of relief, thinking now that I must gain my own room at any +cost, and the sooner the better, for of course any meeting was quite +impossible. I was just going to sigh deeply for poor Achille, when I +felt, as it were, frozen again; for the door began to glide slowly open, +rustling softly over the carpet--for everything sounded so horribly +distinct--and there at last stood the tall white figure, while, as I +felt ready to die, I heard my name pronounced, in a low whisper, +twice,-- + +"Laura! Laura!" + +For a moment or two I could not reply, when the call was repeated; and, +irresistibly attracted, I went slowly forward from my hiding-place, to +feel myself caught by the arm by Clara, who had been watching me. + +"You cruel, wicked girl!" I exclaimed in a whisper. "How could you +frighten me so?" + +"Serve you right, too, you wicked, deceitful thing," she said. "Why +could you not trust me? But I don't care. I know. I can see through +you. I know where you are going." + +"That you do not," I said, boldly; for I felt cross now the fright was +over, and I could have boxed the tiresome creature's ears. + +"You'd better not talk so loudly," she said with a sneer; "that is, if +you do not want Lady Blunt to hear your voice." + +"There," I said, spitefully, "I thought you did not know." + +"Under the tall elms by the garden wall," whispered Clara, laughing, and +translating one of the sentences in the very note I had in my breast; +and then I remembered that I had left it for about a quarter of an hour +in my morning-dress pocket, before I ran up after changing and fetched +it down; though I never should have thought she would have been so +treacherous as to read it. But there, she had me in her power, and +however much I might have felt disposed to resent her conduct, I could +do nothing then, so-- + +"Hush!" I said, imploringly. "Pray, do not tell, dear!" + +"Ah," said the nasty, treacherous thing, "then you ought to have told +me, and trusted me with your secret. But did you think that I was +blind, Laura Bozerne, and couldn't see what was going on? And you never +to respond to my confidence, when I always trusted you from the very +first. I did think that we were friends." + +"Oh, pray don't talk so," I exclaimed; "nor make so much noise, or we +shall be heard." For it was not I who spoke loudly now. + +"Well, and suppose we are," she said, coolly. "I can give a good +account of my conduct, I think, Miss Bozerne." + +"Oh, pray don't talk like that, dear," I said--"pray, don't." And then, +feeling that all dissimulation was quite useless, I cast off the +reserve, and exclaimed, catching her by both hands--"Oh, do help me, +there's a darling; for he has been waiting for two nights." + +"Yes, I dare say he has," said the deceitful creature; "but I don't mean +to be mixed up with such goings on." + +A nasty thing!--when I found out afterwards that she had more than once +been guilty of the same trick; and all the while professing to have +placed such confidence in me. If I had been free to act, I should have +boxed the odious thing's ears; but what could I do then, but crave and +pray and promise, and beg of her to be my friend, till she said she +would, and forgave me, as she called it; and then I watched her go +slowly upstairs till she was out of sight; for whatever she might do in +the future, she declared that she would not help me that night. + +And there I stood, in a state of trembling indecision, not knowing what +to do--whether to go after her, or steal down to the side door; and at +last I did the latter, if only out of pure pity for poor Achille, and +began slowly to unfasten the bolts. + +The nasty things went so hard that I broke my nails over them, while I +turned all hot and damp in the face when the cross bar slipped from my +fingers, and made such a bang that I felt sure it must have been heard +upstairs. And there I stood listening and trembling, and expecting +every moment to hear a door open and the sound of voices. It was only +the romantic excitement, or else sheer pity, which kept me from hurrying +back to my own room, to bury my sorrows in my soft pillow. + +I waited quite five minutes, and then tied my handkerchief over my hat, +and raised the latch. The next moment I stood outside in the deep +shadow, with the water-butt on my right and the wash-house door on my +left; and then, with beating heart, I glided from shrub to shrub, till I +reached the wall, beneath whose shadow I made my way to the path that +runs under the tall elms, where the wall was covered with ivy. + +In spite of my fluttering heart, and the knowledge I possessed of how I +was committing myself, I could not help noticing how truly beautiful +everything looked--the silvery sweet light, glancing through the trees; +the deep shadows; and, again, the bright spots where the moon shone +through the openings. And timid though I was, I could not help +recalling Romeo and Juliet, thinking what a time this was for a +love-tale, and regretting that there were no balconies at the Cedars. +Then I paused, in the shade of one of the deepest trees, holding my hand +to my side to restrain the beating of my heart, as I listened for his +footstep. + +"I'll only stay with him one minute," I said to myself, "and then run in +again, like the wind." + +A minute passed: no footstep. Two minutes, five, ten; and then I stole +to the end of the walk. But there was no one; and I began to tremble +with fear first, and then with excitement, and lastly with indignation; +for it seemed to me that I was deceived. + +"The poor fellow must have gone back in despair, believing that I should +not come. Ah! he does not know me," I muttered at last. + +"Perhaps I am too soon," I thought a few minutes later, "and he may yet +come." + +For I would not let the horrible feeling of disappointment get the upper +hand. And then I crept closer to the wall, and waited, looking out from +an opening between the trees at the moonlit house, and wondering whether +Clara was yet awake. + +All was still as possible. Not a sigh of the night wind, nor a +footstep, nor even the rustle of a leaf; when all at once I nearly +screamed, for there was a sharp cough just above my head. And as my +heart began to beat more and more tumultously than ever, there was a +rustling in the ivy on the top of the wall, and a dark figure leaped to +the ground, where I should have fallen had it not caught me in its arms. + +I shut my eyes, as I shivered, half in fear and half with pleasure; and +then I let my forehead rest upon my hands against his manly breast--for +even in those moments of bliss the big buttons on his coat hurt my nose. +And thus we stood for some few moments, each waiting for the other to +speak; when he said, in a whisper,--"Better now?" + +"Oh, yes," I replied; "but I must leave thee now. Achille, _a demain_." + +"Eh?" he said, with a huskiness of tone which I attributed to emotion. + +"I must leave thee now," I said. "How did you get out?" he whispered. +"By the side door," I said, trembling; for an undefined feeling of dread +was creeping over me. + +"Any chance of a taste of anything?" he whispered. + +"Good heavens!" I ejaculated, opening my eyes to their widest extent, +"who are you?" + +And I should have turned and fled, but that he held me tightly by the +wrist. + +"Well, perhaps, it don't matter who I am, and never mind about my +number," said the wretch. "I'm a pleeceman, that's what I am, county +constabulary. Will that soot yer?" + +"Oh, pray release me!" I said, "oh, let me go!" I gasped; for I +thought he might not understand the first, these low men are so +ignorant. "Pray go to Monsieur de Tiraille, and he will reward you." + +"That's him as I ketched atop of the wall, I suppose," said the +creature. "My, how he did cut when I showed him the bull's-eye! +Thought it was a cracking case, my dear; but I'm up to a thing or two, +and won't split. But I say, my dear, how's Ann? And so you took me for +him, did you? Well, I ain't surprised." + +And then if the wretch didn't try to draw me nearer to him: but I +started back, horrified. + +"Well, just as you like, you know," exclaimed the ruffian. "But, I say, +you'll let me drink your health, you know, won't you?" + +"Oh, yes," I exclaimed, interpreting his speech into meaning "Give me a +shilling," which I did, and he loosed my arm. + +"That's right," he said. "I thought you were a good sort. Feel better, +don't you?" + +"Oh, yes," I exclaimed. "Please let me go now." + +"Let you go," he said; "to be sure. I was just going to offer you my +advice, that you'd better step in before the old gal misses you. He +won't come again to-night now, I scared him too much; so ta-ta, my +dear--I won't spoil sport next time." + +And then, almost before the wretch's words had left his lips, I fled, +nor ceased running until I reached the side door, which I entered, +closed, and fastened again; and then glided upstairs to my room, where +Patty still snored and Clara watched; but my acts seemed all mechanical, +and I can only well recollect one, and that was my throwing myself upon +her breast, and bursting into tears. + +At last I was once more in bed, my heart still beating tumultuously; and +directly after Clara crept in to my side, when it was of no use, I could +not keep it in, for it did seem so kind and sympathising of her, though +I believe it was only to satisfy her curiosity. So I had a thorough +good cry in her arms, and told her of all the terrors of that dreadful +night; when instead of, as I expected, trying to console me, the nasty +thing had the heart to say,-- + +"Well, dear, it's all very fine; but I should not like to be you!" + + +CHAPTER NINE. + +MEMORY THE NINTH--A GUILTY CONSCIENCE. + +I suppose it comes natural to people to feel sleepy at night; for I did +not mention it before, but I had terribly hard work to keep awake on +that night when I had such a horrible adventure, while soon after +telling that unfeeling Clara all about it I fell asleep, and they had +such a task to wake me when the bell rang. But I'm sure any one might +have pitied my feelings upon that terrible morning. When I was +thoroughly awake it was just as if there was a weight upon my mind, and +for some time I could not make out what was the matter. + +Then came, with a rush, the recollection of my adventure, so that I +first of all turned crimson with shame, and then as white as a dreadful +marble statue. For somehow things do look so very different of a night +to what they do by broad daylight, and I do believe that, after all, one +of the greatest of missionary efforts would be a more general diffusion +of gas and electric lights; for I'm sure if people are all made like me, +we should not have been half so wicked if we had two suns instead of a +sun and a moon, and that last half her time making no shine at all. I +believe it's night that makes most people wicked; for fancy me going to +meet Achille under the elms in broad daylight! Why, the idea is +preposterous! + +But oh! how bad, and wicked, and ashamed, and repentant, and +conscience-smitten I did feel. It was dreadful only to think of it, for +months after. It seemed so horrible to me, how that I had rested my +head against the buttons of that shockingly low wretch of a policeman's +coat and not known the difference; while what Achille would have thought +had he but known, I could not--nay I dare not--think. + +Then there was that Clara looking at me with such a dreadful mocking +smile, that I felt as if I could have turned her into stone--for she was +oozing all over with triumph; and yet all the time I was so angry with +myself, for I knew that I was completely in her power, as well as in +that of the constable--a low wretch!--who might say anything, and +perhaps tell the servants. And, by the way, who was Ann, that he had +asked me about? + +"Why," I exclaimed, trembling, "it must be Sarah Ann, the housemaid; and +I shall never dare to look her in the face again. Oh, Laura Bozerne," I +said, "how you have lowered yourself!" + +I had a quiet cry, and was a little better. + +But I felt very guilty when I went down, and every time I was addressed +I gave quite a start, and stared as if expecting that whoever spoke knew +my secret; while during lessons, when a message came from Mrs Blunt +that she wanted to see me in the study, I felt as if I should have gone +through the floor; and on turning my eyes to Clara, expecting sympathy, +there she was actually laughing at me. + +"If this is being in love," I said to myself, "I mean very soon to be +out of it again;" and then I stood trembling and hesitating, afraid to +stir. + +"Did you hear the lady principal's summons, Miss Bozerne?" said that +starchy Miss Furness, in her most dignified style. + +I turned round, and made her a most elaborate De Kittville obeisance, +and I saw the old frump toss her head; for I know she always hated me +because I happened to be nice-looking--mind, I don't say I was +nice-looking, for I am merely writing down now what people said who were +foolish enough to think so. Achille once said I was--but there, I will +not be vain. + +So I crossed the hall, then to the study door, and stood with my hand +raised to take hold of the white china handle; but just then I heard +Mrs Blunt give one of her little short, sharp, pecking coughs, such as +she gave when muttering to herself to make up a scolding for some one. +No sooner did I hear that cough than I dropped my hand down to my side, +and stood hesitating upon the mat, afraid to enter; for who could help +feeling a coward under such circumstances, I should like to know? It +was very dreadful; and though I kept telling myself that I was not a bit +afraid of Mrs Blunt, yet somehow I seemed to be just then. However, I +kept trying to make up my mind to bear it all, and to ask her pardon, +and to promise that it should not occur again if she would not write to +mamma; but my tiresome mind would not be made up, but kept running about +from one thing to another, till I declare I almost felt ready to faint. + +"Oh, Achille, Achille!" I murmured, "I must give you up. What I suffer +for your sake! _Oh, mon pauvre coeur_!" + +I felt better after that, for it seemed that I was to return to my old +quiet state of suffering; and the determination not to run any more +risks began to nerve me to bear the present suffering; almost as much as +the rustle of the Fraulein's silk dress upon the stairs. And of course +I would not allow her to see me waiting at the door, and afraid to go +in; so I tapped, and entered. + +There sat the lady principal, writing a letter, and frowning +dreadfully--though she always did that when there was a pen in her hand; +and as she just looked up when I entered, she motioned me to a chair +with the feather end of the bead and silk adorned quill she held. + +"Take a seat, Miss Bozerne," she muttered, between her patent minerals, +as we used to call them; and there I was, sitting upon thorns, +metaphorically and really--for the chair I took had the seat all worked +in roses and briars and cactus, while there was that tiresome old thing +with the little glass dew-drop knobs at the end of the sprays in her +cap, nodding and dancing about every time she came to a hard word. + +"She is writing home, I know," I said to myself, "and then she means to +take me back; for it must all be found out--and, oh dear! oh dear! what +shall I do?" + +The scene there would be at home came up before me like a vision, and I +fancied I could hear papa storming, though he is not very particular, +and his rage is soon over, just like a storm, and he is all sunshine +after. But mamma. Ah! how she would go on, and tell me that I had been +sent down to cure me of my _penchant_ for the curate, to descend so low +as a policeman. + +"Just like a common cook in an area!" I seemed to hear her say. But it +was only Mrs Blunt mumbling to herself as she sat writing. + +And then I half felt as if I should like to run away altogether; and +next I thought that if some one had been there all ready with a fly or a +post-chaise, I would have gone with him anywhere. + +Directly after I gave such a jump, for there was the crunching of a step +upon the gravel sweep, and I felt the blood all flush up in my face +again; for it was his step--his, and it seemed that he was to be brought +in, and we were to be confronted, and there would be quite a +_denouement_; but then I felt as brave as could be, for was not he close +at hand to take my part? And I felt ready to say things that I could +not have uttered, and to hear scoldings that would have killed me five +minutes before. + +I was just feeling ready to sink through the carpet when the old wretch +raised her head. + +"Ah! there's Monsieur Achille," she cried in a decisive tone, and now I +felt as if it must be coming. But no, the tiresome old thing still kept +me upon the thorns of suspense; while I heard the front door squeak and +his step in the hall, the opening and closing of a door, and I felt as +if I could have rushed to meet him and tell him of the horrible state of +fear that I had been in; besides which, I knew that he would have a +_corrected exercise_ to return me, and I was burning to see what he +would say. + +"And now, Miss Bozerne," said Mrs Blunt, laying down her pen, and +crossing her hands upon the table, so as to show her rings, while she +spoke in the most stately of ways--"and now Miss Bozerne, I have a crow +to--er--er--I have, that is to say, a few words to speak to you +concerning something that has lately, very lately, come to my ears; and +you know, my dear, that I have extremely long ears for this sort of +thing." + +And then she tried to draw herself up, and look august; but the vulgar +old thing only made herself more common and obtrusive, while I began to +tremble in the most agitated manner. + +"Miss Furness tells me, Miss Bozerne--" she continued. + +"Oh, how came she to know, I wonder?" I thought to myself. + +"Miss Furness tells me," she said again, "of various little acts of +insubordination, and want of attention to lessons and the instruction +she endeavours to impart--to impart, Miss Bozerne; and you must +understand that in my absence the lady assistants of my establishment +are to have the same deference shown them as I insist upon having paid +to myself." + +And then she went on for ever so long about delegated authority, and a +great deal more of it, until she had worked herself into a regular knot, +with her speech all tangled; when she sent me away to the French lesson. +And how can I describe my feelings! I don't remember who that was that +put iron bands round his heart to keep it from breaking with sorrow, +while they all went off, crack! crack! one after another afterwards, +from joy; but I felt when I left Mrs Blunt's room, precisely as that +somebody must have felt at that time. + +To have seen the dignified salute which was exchanged, no one could have +thought it possible that a note had ever passed between Monsieur Achille +and poor me. When I took my seat at the bottom of that long table, +being the last arrival, not a look, not a glance--only a very sharp +reprimand, which brought the tears in my eyes, because my exercise was +not better; while my translation of English into French was declared to +be _affreux_. + +Oh! it did seem so hard, after what I had risked for him the night +before; but I soon fired up, as I saw Miss Furness looking quite pleased +and triumphant; for I'm sure the old thing was as jealous as could be, +and watched me closely, and all because I would not creep to her, and +flatter and fawn, like Celia Blang. So I would not show how wounded I +was, nor yet look at Achille when he went away, and there was no +communication at all between us that day. + +I felt very much hurt and put out, for that Miss Furness spared no pains +to show her dislike to me; and she must have had some suspicion of me, +for during many lessons I never had an opportunity of enjoying further +communication with dear Achille than a long look. Miss Sloman, as I +have said before, had always hated me; but she was too much of a nobody +to mind. However, I would not notice Miss Furness's cantankerousness, +for I really did not mind a bit about her having told Mrs Blunt, so +delighted was I to feel that the other matter had not been found out; +and I went on just the same as usual, and really worked hard with my +studies. + +One morning--I can't say when, for though I have tried I really can't +recollect, and the time, names, and things are so mixed up together-- +however, it was a fine morning, and we were going for one of those +dreary morning two-and-two walks, crawling in and out of the Allsham +lanes like a horrible Adam-tempting serpent. I had taken great pains +with my dress, for I thought it possible that we might pass Achille's +lodging; and, as I fancied he had been unnecessarily angry and cool with +me at the last lesson, I wished him to feel a little pain in return, for +I was determined not to give him a single look. Mamma had just sent me +down one of the prettiest straw-coloured flowery bonnets imaginable--a +perfect zephyr, nothing of it at all hardly--and it matched capitally +with my new silk; while the zebra parasol seemed quite to act as a +relief. So I put them on with new straw-kid gloves, took the parasol, +and then--call it vanity if you like--I stopped and had one last, +triumphant glance in the mirror that hangs at one end of the long +passage before I went down. + +Mrs Blunt was going with us that day; and, in spite of the late +scolding I had received, she was quite smiling and pleasant with me, and +I saw her bestow one or two satisfied glances upon my attire--for she +never found fault with her pupils for dressing too well. But I did not +take pains with myself so as to please her, and act as show-card for her +nasty old establishment; so I would not look pleased, but pretended that +I had not yet got over the scolding, and was dreadfully mortified, as I +went and took my place beside Clara. + +As we were the two tallest girls, we always went first, and had our +orders to walk slowly, once more, on account of half-a-dozen children +who came last with the teachers and Mrs Blunt herself, and so we filed +out of the gates and along the winding, green lane. + +No one could help feeling happy and light-hearted upon such a beautiful +bright morning, especially as we turned through the fields, and went +across towards the river. The trees were all green, and the grass +shining with flowers, birds singing, the sky above a splendid azure, and +all around looking quite lovely; while the soft, delicious air fanned +one's cheek, so that I could not help agreeing with Clara when, after a +long silence, she heaved a deep sigh, and said,-- + +"Oh, how delightful it is to feel young and be in love." + +Though, after all, I was not so sure about the last part, for I did not +feel half satisfied concerning my _affaire de coeur_, and was strolling +somewhat listlessly along, when Clara pinched my arm. + +"Here they come," she whispered. + +And sure enough, there were Achille and the Signor coming towards us; +when, I could not help it, all my ill-humour seemed to dart out of my +eyes in a moment, and I could do nothing but sigh, and feel that I was a +hopeless captive. + +As I said before, I could not help it, and was obliged to close my eyes, +when a horrible jerk brought me to myself; when there, if Clara had not +let me step right into the ditch beside the path--a dreadful +stinging-nettley place--instead of quietly guiding me, when she might +have known that my eyes were shut; while before I could extricate +myself, if Achille was not at my side, helping me out and squeezing my +hand, so that really, out of self-defence, I was obliged to return the +pressure. + +"Miss Bozerne!" exclaimed Lady Blunt, pressing up to me, "how could +you?" + +I did not know, so I could not reply; while there were Miss Furness and +the Fraulein--fat, hook-nosed old owl--looking as spiteful as could be. + +"She did it on purpose," I heard Miss Furness whisper; while the +Fraulein nodded her head ever so many times, so that she looked like a +bird pecking with a hooked beak. + +"Mademoiselle is not hurt, _I hope_?" said Achille, in his silkiest, +smoothest tones; and there was so much feeling in the way he spoke, that +I quite forgave him. + +"Oh, no, not at all, Monsieur Achille," said Lady Blunt. + +And then, after a great deal of bowing, we all fell into our places +again. + +"Won't there be a scolding for this!" whispered Clara. "We shall both +have impositions." + +"I don't care," I said, recklessly. "I should not mind if I slipped +again." + +"Slipped!" said Clara, satirically; "that was a pretty slip, certainly. +I never saw so clumsy a one, but it answered capitally." + +"What do you mean?" I said, innocently. + +"Oh, of course, you don't know, dear," said Clara, growing more and more +satirical. "But there, never mind, I have both the notes." + +"What notes?" I ejaculated, with my heart beginning to beat--oh, so +fast! + +"Now, don't be a little stupid," said Clara, "when you know all the +time. The Signor dropped them into my parasol, as I held it down half +shut, and there they are--for I have not dared to take them out yet." + +And there, sure enough, were two tiny brown paper squares, looking for +all the world like packets of garden seeds, so as not to catch any one's +eye when they were delivered--tied up, too, with little bits of string, +so as not to be in the least like what they were. Though, really, it +was too bad to try and make out that the whole thing was planned, and +that I had slipped on purpose. Now, was it not? + +"Why, what dear, lovable ingenuity," I could not help exclaiming. "And +is one for you then, dear?" + +"And why not, pray?" exclaimed Clara; "why should not I have notes as +well as somebody, who has her meetings as well?" + +"I'm sure I don't," I exclaimed. "How can you say so? Why, you know I +did not meet him." + +"Not your fault, my dear," said Clara, sarcastically. "But there, I'm +not complaining; but when I am so open and confidential, I'm sure you +need not be so close." + +"Now, did you not promise to forget all that?" I said. + +"Well, yes, so I did," she replied; "and I won't say any more about it. +But this was clever, wasn't it; and I'm sure I give you every credit for +managing that slip so well." + +"Indeed--indeed--indeed--indeed!" I said, "it was an accident." + +But it was no use whatever; and the more I protested, the more the +tiresome thing would not believe me; till I grew so cross I could have +pinched her, only that I could not afford to quarrel just then. + +By means of changing parasols, I obtained possession of my note; and +then, how long the time did seem before we received our orders to turn +back! But I learnt, though, from Clara, that Achille had made quite a +confidante of the Signor, and that they were both planning together for +us to have a long meeting. + +"But how do you get to know all this?" I said. + +"Do you suppose, miss, that no one else but you can manage to pass and +receive notes so cleverly?" she replied. + +I could not make any answer, for somehow or another Clara generally +managed to get the better of me. + +What would I not have given to have been alone for one five minutes +beneath the deep green shady trees, for it seemed ages since I had had a +letter from Achille. But it was of no use to wish; and I'm sure that it +was quite three-quarters of an hour before Clara and I were up in our +bedroom together, trying to get rid of Patty Smith. + +She was such a stupid girl, and the more you gave her hints to go the +more she would persist in stopping, for she was as obstinate as she was +stupid; and I'm sure, if that's true about the metempsychosis, Patty +Smith, in time to come, will turn into a lady donkey, like those grey +ones that are led round Chester Square of a morning, and are owned by +one of the purveyors of asses' milk. We tried all we could to get rid +of her, but it was of no use; and at last, when we were ready to cry +with vexation, and about to give it up and go down to dinner without +reading our notes, some one called out-- + +"A letter for Miss Smith." + +And then away ran the tiresome thing, and we were quite alone. + + +CHAPTER TEN. + +MEMORY THE TENTH--THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE. + +The first thing that Clara and I did was to tear up the brown paper +wrappers into tiny little bits, all but where the directions were +written, and those we chewed up quite small, to throw out of the window +with the other pieces. And oh, how nasty brown paper is to chew!--all +tarry and bitter, like cold sailors must be when they eat one another in +those dreadful boats that have not enough provisions, and when there's +"water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink." Then I tore open +the tiny note, and Clara did the same; and I had just read two lines, +when I _felt_ that I was watched, and looking up, there stood that +horrid Miss Furness, just like some basilisk, or gorgon, or cockatrice, +or dreadful thing of that kind. + +Of course Miss Furness couldn't have been a cockatrice, but we were so +badly taught at that wretched Mrs Blunt's, that I have not the most +remote idea what is the feminine of the extinct fabulous creature, and +henatrice sounds so horribly-absurd. Anyhow, she was a wretch--a nasty +despicable, hateful, horrible wretch, whom it could not be a sin to +hate. + +"The bell has rung for dinner, young ladies," she said, with her eyes +devouring my note. + +How I did tremble! but I knew that if I was not careful I should betray +poor Achille; while, fortunately, Clara had been sitting so that she was +not visible from the door, and had time to slip her note into her +pocket, while she pretended to have one of her boots off. + +For a moment or two I was so scared that I did not know what to do. If +I tried to hide the note, I knew that she would suspect that there was +something wrong, while she would have been well aware whether there was +a letter for me from home, since she always had the opening of the bag. +What could I do? For a moment, I was about to crumple the paper up in +my hand; but fortunately I restrained myself, and holding the paper +boldly in my hand, I pretended that I had been writing out the aliquot +parts of a shilling; and, as I doubled the note up slowly, I went on +saying,-- + +"Coming directly, ma'am--one farthing is one forty-eighth; one halfpenny +is one twenty-some-thingth--oh, fourth. Oh, dear! oh, dear! how hard it +is, to be sure." + +"You seem to have grown very industrious, Miss Bozerne," said Miss +Furness, looking very doubtfully at the paper; and I was afraid that she +would smell it, for it was quite strong of that same scent that Achille +always used. + +"Yes, isn't she?" said Clara, coming to the rescue; "but I do not think +it will last, ma'am." + +I could have hugged her for that; for I knew that the tiresome old thing +suspected something to be wrong, and was mixing it up with the morning's +adventure. But nothing more was said, and we descended to dinner, and +there I was with that note burning in my pocket, and not a chance could +I get to read it; for so sure as I tried to be alone, go where I would, +there was that Miss Furness's favourite, Celia Blang, after me to see +what I was doing. + +At last, during the afternoon lessons, I could bear it no longer; so I +went and sat down by the side of Clara. + +"What does he say, dear?" I whispered. + +"Wants me to meet him to-night," she wrote on her slate, and rubbed it +out directly. For we actually used common slates--noughts-and-crosses +slates--just like charity-school children. But I had my revenge, for I +dropped and cracked no less than ten of the nasty things, though I am +afraid papa had to pay. + +And then again she wrote, "What does he say, dear?" + +"I have not had a chance to see yet," I dolefully replied. "There's the +raging Furnace watching me, so pray don't look up. She suspects +something, and I can't move without being spied." + +"Poor old darling!" wrote Clara on her slate. + +"I'm going to trust you, my dear," I said. "When I push my Nugent's +Dictionary over to you, take it quietly, for my note will be inside. +And I want you to take it, and go away somewhere and read it, and then +come and tell me what he says; for the old thing is so suspicious, and +keeps looking in my direction--and I dare not attempt it myself." + +So I managed to pass the note to Clara, who left the room; and then I +wrote down the aliquot parts of a pound, and folded it ready so as to +pull out next time. I saw Miss Furness watching me; and there I sat, +with my cheeks burning, and wondering what was in my note, and whether, +after all, I had done foolishly. For was Clara to be trusted? + +"But she is so mixed up with it herself," I thought, "she dare not play +me false." + +So there I sat on and on, pretending to be studious, and wondering what +kept Clara so long, would have gone after her, only I knew that Miss +Furness was keeping an eye upon me; and sometimes I half thought that +she must know something about the night when I went down to the elms; +but directly after I felt that she did not, or she would have told my +Lady Blunt directly. But the fact of the matter was, she felt +suspicious about the note, and all because I was so clumsy in trying to +throw dust in her eyes. + +Five minutes--ten minutes--a quarter of an hour had passed, and still no +Clara. Then another quarter of an hour, and still she did not come. +"Whatever shall I do?" I thought to myself--"surely she is not +deceiving me?" And then, just as my spirits were regularly boiling +over, heated as they were by impatience and vexation, in she came, with +the note in her hand; and I saw her laugh maliciously, and cross over to +Patty Smith. + +"Oh," I said to myself, "I shall die of shame." + +And I'm sure no one can tell what agony I suffered while the creature +was reading something to Patty, when they both had a hearty laugh; after +which Clara began to double the note up, as, with eyes flashing fire, I +sat watching that deceitful creature, not daring to move from my seat. + +"Miss Fitzacre, bring me that piece of paper you have in your hand," +squeaked Miss Furness, who had been watching her like a cat does a +mouse. + +Oh, if I could but have screamed out, or fainted, or seized the paper, +and fled away! But I could not move, only sit suffering--suffering +horribly, while Clara gave me another of her malicious smiles, as she +crossed sulkily over to Miss Griffin's table, drew the paper from her +pocket, laid it down, and then our _chere_ institutrice laid a +paper-weight upon it, for she had a soul far above curiosity, while +Clara came and sat down by me--poor me, who trembled so with fear and +rage that my teeth almost chattered; for I could think of nothing else +but Mrs Blunt and the Furness reading poor Achille's note. + +I did not know how to be angry enough with myself, for being so simple +as to trust Clara; and I'm sure I should not, only I fancied her +truthful and worthy; but now, I could have killed her--I could, I was so +enraged. + +"You horribly treacherous, deceitful thing!" I whispered; "when, too, I +trusted you so fully." + +"Why, what is the matter?" she said, quite innocently. + +"Don't look at me like that," I whispered. "How could you be so false?" + +"Oh, that's what you mean, is it?" she said. "Serve you right for not +trusting me fully from the first, as I did you." + +"Worthy of trust, are you not?" I said angrily. + +"Will you be quite open with me for the future, then?" she said. + +"Open!" I hissed back. "I'll go to Mrs Blunt, and tell everything, I +will--everything; and won't spare myself a bit, so that you may be +punished, you wicked, good-for-nothing, bad-behaved, deceitful and +treacherous thing, you!" + +"Take breath now, my darling," she said, tauntingly. + +"Breath," I said--"I wish I had none. I wish I was dead, I do." And I +could not help a bit of a sob coming. + +"Poor Achille!" she whispered. "What would he do then?" + +"Oh, don't talk to me--don't," I said, bending down my burning face over +a book, not a word in which could I see. + +"It did tease you, then, did it?" said Clara, laughing. + +"Tease me, you heartless thing you," I said. "Hold your tongue, do! +I'll never forgive you--never, Clara!" + +"Less talking there," said Miss Furness--the Griffin. + +"Ugh! you nasty old claw-puss," said Clara, in an undertone. + +After a few minutes' silence, I began again. "I did not give you credit +for it, Clara," I said. "Thought you were not going to speak to me any +more," she said. + +"Oh, it's too bad," I whispered; "but you will be sorry for it some +day." + +"No, I sha'n't, you little goose you. It was not your note at all," she +said. "I only did it to tease you, and serve you out for trying to +deceive me, who have always tried to be a friend to you from the very +first." + +"Oh, my own, dear, darling Clara," I cried, in a whisper, "is this true? +Then I'll never, never do anything without you again, and tell you +everything; and am not cross a bit." + +"But I am," she cried; "see what names you have been calling me." + +"Ah, but see how agonising it was, dear," I whispered. "Only think of +what you made me suffer. I declare I shall burst out into a fit of +hysterical crying directly." + +"No, no, don't do that," said Clara. "Then make haste, and tell me what +he said, so as to change my thoughts." + +"Guess," said Clara, sliding my own dear little note into my hand once +again. + +"Oh, pray, pray tell me," I whispered. "Don't, whatever you do, don't +tease me any more. I shall die if you do." + +"No, don't," she said, mockingly, "for poor Achille's sake." + +"I would not serve you so, Clara," I said, humbly, the tears the while +gathering in my eyes. + +And then she began to tell me that the note was very long, and stated +how he had been interrupted by the policeman, and had not ventured +since; but that he and the Signor had arranged to come that night, and +they would be under the end of the conservatory at eleven, if we could +contrive to meet them there. + +"And of course we can," said Clara. "How they must have been plotting +together!" + +"But we never can manage it," I whispered, with a strange fluttering +coming over my heart. + +"I can, I can," whispered Clara, squeezing my hand; "but be careful, for +here comes the Griffin, and she's as suspicious as can be." + +We were supposed to be busy preparing lessons all this time; for this +was one of the afternoons devoted to private study, two of which we had +every week, instead of what Mrs Blunt called the vulgar institution of +half-holidays. + +"If I have to speak again about this incessant talking, Miss Fitzacre, +your conduct will be reported to the lady principal," said Miss Furness. +"And as for you, Miss Bozerne, be kind enough to take a seat in another +part of the room. There is a chair vacant by Miss Blang." + +Miss Furness did not hear what Clara said in an undertone, or she would +have hurried off posthaste to make her report. But as she did not, she +returned to her seat, and soon after we were summoned to our tea--I mean +anti-nervous infusion. + + +CHAPTER ELEVEN. + +MEMORY THE ELEVENTH--A CATASTROPHE. + +I used to get quite vexed with the tiresome old place, even if it was +pretty, and you could sit at your open window and hear the nightingales +singing; and even though some other bird had made me hear its singing, +too, and found its way right to my poor heart. There was so much +tiresome formality and niggling; and if one spoke in a way not according +to rule, there was a fine or imposition, or something of that kind. We +never went to bed, we never got up--we retired to rest, and arose from +slumber; we were summoned to our lessons, dinner was always announced, +we pursued or resumed our studies, we promenaded daily, or else took +recreation in the garden; and did everything, in short, in such a +horrible, stiff, starchy way, that we all seemed to be in a constant +state of crackle; and every variation was looked upon as so much +rumpling, while I'm sure our _lady_ principal could not have been more +vulgar if she had tried. + +The meeting appointed in the last chapter was repeated again and again +at the end of the conservatory; for we had only to slip down into the +drawing-room quietly, open the shutters, pass through the French window +in among the geraniums, draw the shutters after us or not, and then +raise one of the sash windows at the end, where we could stand and talk. +For the gentlemen never once came in, for fear that their footsteps +should show upon the beautiful, clean, white stones. One meeting was so +much like another, that it is hardly worth while to describe them; while +no incident worthy of notice occurred until one night. And oh! how well +can I recall everything in connection with that disastrous occasion! + +We had been for a walk that evening, and I had been most terribly +scandalised by the encounter we had had with a policeman. We were just +outside the town, when all at once I felt my cheeks flush, as they +always do now at the sight of a constable; for there was one coming +along the road in front, and something seemed to whisper that we had met +before. It was misery and ruin to be recognised, and I set my teeth +hard, and tried not to see him; but do what I would, my eyes seemed +determined to turn towards the wretch; and they did, too, just as we +were passing, and it was he--and the odious creature knew me directly, +and pushed his tongue into his cheek in the most vulgar way imaginable. +Clara saw it, and gave me a push with her elbow; but, fortunately, I do +not think any one else saw the dreadful fellow. + +We had to hurry back, too, for a storm came on, and the big drops were +plashing heavily upon our parasols before we reached the Cedars; while +just as we were safely housed, the lightning flashed and the thunder +rolled incessantly. + +I was not afraid of the storm, for I was humming over the "Tempest of +the Heart," and wondering whether it would be over soon enough to allow +of our assignation being kept; while I grew quite nervous and fidgety as +the evening wore on. However, the rain ceased at last, and the thunder +only muttered in the distance, where the pale summer lightning was +glancing; and when at last we retired to our rooms, and looked out of +the open window, the fresh scent which came up from the garden was +delicious. The moon shone, but with a pale, misty, and sobered light; +while the distant lightning, which played fitfully at intervals, seem to +make the scene quite sublime. + +After sitting looking out for a while, we closed the windows with a +sigh, for we knew we should be reported to Mrs Blunt if our lights were +not out; and then, as we had often done before, we pretended to undress, +listening all the while to the senseless prattle of Patty Smith, which +seemed to us quite childish and nonsensical. + +"I wonder your mars," she said, "don't send you each a cake sometimes. +It would be so nice if they did; and I always do give you a piece of +mine." + +"There, don't talk so, pray, Patty," I said, after listening to her +hungry chatter for ever so long. + +"Pray be quiet, and I will give you a shilling to buy a cake." + +"No, you won't," said Patty. "Yes, I will indeed," I said, "if you will +be a good girl, and go to sleep." + +"Give it me now, then," said the stupid thing. And I did give her one, +and if she did not actually take it, though I believe she was quite as +old as Clara or I; but all the while so dreadfully childish, anyone, +from her ways, would have taken her for nine or ten--that is, if they +could have shut their eyes to her size. However, at last she fell +asleep, and we sat waiting for the trysting-hour, "Do you know," said +Clara, in a whisper, "I begin to get tired of spoiling one's night's +rest for the sake of meeting them. It was all very well at first, but +it's only the same thing over and over again. I know all about +beautiful Italy now, and its lakes and vineyards, and the old tyrant +Austrian days, and the Pope, and patriotism, and prisons, and all that +sort of thing; while he seems to like to talk about that more than about +you know what, and one can't help getting a little too much of it +sometimes." + +"Oh, for shame, Clara!" I said; "how can you talk so? It is not loyal. +What would some one say if he knew?" + +"I don't know, and I don't--" + +"Oh, hush! you sha'n't say so," I exclaimed; "for you do care--you know +you do." + +And then I sat silent and thinking for some time; for it was as though +something began to ask me whether I also was not a little tired of +hearing about "_ma patrie_" and "_la belle France_" and whether I liked +a man any the better for being a patriot, and mixed up with plots for +restoring the Orleans family, and who made a vow to spit--_cracher_--on +Gambetta's grave. + +I should not have thought anything of the kind if it had not been for +those words of Clara, and I soon crushed it down; for I was not going to +harbour any such cruel, faithless thoughts as that I had told Achille +again and again that I loved him very dearly; and of course I did, and +there was an end of it. But still, though I bit my lips very hard, and +tried not to think of such things, it did seem tiresome, I must own, to +have to sit up waiting so long; and, like Clara, I did begin to long for +a change. If we could have met pleasantly by day, or had a quiet +evening walk, and all on like that, it would have been different; but, +after the first flush of the excitement and romance, it began to grow a +little tame. + +"Heigh--ho!--ha!--hum!" said Clara, interrupting my reverie by a +terrible yawn, so that had it been daylight I'm sure any one might have +seen down her throat, for she never attempted to put her hand before her +mouth. + +But I could not tell her of it; since I had only the minute before been +yawning so terribly myself that I was quite ashamed. For really there +seemed to be so little romance about it. + +"Let's go to bed in real earnest," said Clara. "I'm sure I will, if +you'll agree." + +"For shame!" I exclaimed. "What would they say?" + +"Oh, I don't know," said Clara; "they've disappointed us before now." + +"But then they could not help it," I replied. + +"No, nor I can't help it now," said Clara; "for I'm so sleepy." + +"But it would look so," I said, repressing another yawn; for I, too, was +dreadfully tired. + +"I don't care," said Clara. "I don't want to hear about the revolution +to-night, and what Garibaldi once did. I don't care. Red shirts are +becoming, but one gets tired of hearing about them. It is such dull +work, all four of us being together, and watching every movement. It +isn't as if we were alone." + +"I do declare I'm quite ashamed of you," I said. "Why, it would not be +prudent for us to go alone." + +"Oh, no, of course not," said Clara, mockingly. "Nobody you know ever +went down to the elms all alone by herself." + +"But you knew of it," I said. + +"No thanks to you, miss, if I did; so come, now," replied Clara. + +I saw that it was of no use to dispute with her, so I let the matter +drop; and then, opening the window, I leaned out, when I heard voices +whispering in what seemed to be the shrubbery, just beyond the +conservatory cistern; and, withdrawing my head, I hastily told Clara. + +"Why, they are soon to-night," she whispered, as, carefully closing the +window, I then opened the door, and we stood at the top of the great +staircase, after going on tiptoe past the Fraulein's room. + +We listened patiently for some time, as we stood hand in hand; while +neither of us now seemed disposed to yawn. Then we quickly and quietly +descended; but before we reached the bottom I recollected that I had +left our door open, and it would be a great chance if some one did not +hear Patty snoring. + +"Go back and shut it, there's a dear," I said, in a whisper. + +"No, you go, dear," said Clara. "I'll wait for you." + +But I did not like going alone; neither did she. So we went together +and shut it; and at last we stood listening at the foot of the stairs, +for I half fancied I heard the click of a door-handle. But it was not +repeated; and feeling sure that it was only fancy, we quietly unlocked +the drawing-room door, glided in, closed it after us, and then +unfastened the shutters of the French window, when we stood in the +conservatory, at the end of which was the sash, giving, as Achille +called it, upon the rain water tank--whose very broad edge was covered +with ivy, upon which they used to climb from the low terrace wall that +ran down to the little fountain of which I have spoken before, and then +stand in the empty cistern. + +"I always put on my old sings when I come, _chere_ Laure," poor Achille +used to say to me, which of course was not very complimentary; but, +then, all his estates had been confiscated, and my Lady Blunt was too +fond of money to part with much for her teachers. + +When we peeped out of our window there was no one there; so we pulled up +the sash very gently, and stood waiting till, in each of our cases, +Romeo came. + +It had turned out a lovely night, rather dark, for the moon had sunk +into a bank of vapour in the far west, while the varied scents of nature +seemed sweeter than ever; but one could not help thinking how wet the +gentlemen would get amongst the ivy, and I quite shivered as I thought +about the great cistern being quite full with the heavy rain. For if +they did not recollect this, as they had generally stood upon the lead +bottom, how shocking would be the result! + +Once again I fancied that I heard a slight noise; but this time it was +from the leads by the back staircase window; and upon whispering to +Clara, she called me a stupid, nervous thing, and I heard it no more; +but directly after, the rustling we heard told who were coming. + +Five minutes passed and there was more rustling amongst the leaves--an +ejaculation in French--an expression in Italian--and a loud splash, as +if a leg had fallen into the water; while directly after we could see +them quite plainly, crawling along like two great tom-cats upon the edge +of the lead cistern, till they were close under the window, in +dreadfully awkward positions; for the big cistern had never had water in +before all through the summer, on account of a little leak, and now-- +though, doubtless, the great place would be quite empty next day, it was +brimful in consequence of the storm. + +Yes, I remember perfectly fancying that they looked like cats, and I +felt ashamed of myself for thinking so disrespectfully of them, and +determined to be extra kind to Achille so as to mentally apologise--poor +fellow! Of course they could not stand up to their waistcoats in soft +water, so they had to stay on the edge, and, as we found out afterwards, +they did come off so black--oh, so terribly black!--upon us, just as if +we had had visits from the sweeps. + +It was poor Achille who put his leg in the tank; and every time he moved +I could hear the water make such a funny noise in his boot, just as if +it was half full; and, oh, poor fellow, he was obliged to move every +minute, and hold on by the window-sill as he knelt there, or else he +would have had to stand up, and, being so much higher than where we +where, I should have had to talk to his knees. It was just as bad for +the poor Signor and Clara; and I certainly should have been imprudent +enough to have asked them in, if I had not known how Achille would have +dripped on the stones, and so betrayed us. + +I could not help thinking about what Clara had said that evening, and it +really did seem so tiresome; for there we all four were, if anything +more close together than ever, and it grew thoroughly puzzling sometimes +to know who was meant when Pazzoletto whispered "_Cava mia_," or +"_Bellissima_," or "_Fanciullina_," or "_Carissima_;" or Achille +murmured "_Mon amie_," "_Ma petite_," or "_Beaux yeux_;" and I often +started, and so did Clara, at such times. + +But there, who could expect to enjoy the roses of love without the +thorns? And yet, I don't know how it was, there seemed to be something +wrong altogether that night; for I heard Clara gape twice, and I had to +cover my mouth to stay more than one yawn, while I'm sure the gentlemen +both wanted to go; though, of course, I could make plenty of excuses for +poor Achille--he must have been so wet and uncomfortable--though I did +offer to lend him my handkerchief to wipe away some of the water. + +I should think that we had been carrying on a whispered conversation for +about a quarter of an hour, when all at once I exclaimed in a deep +whisper-- + +"Hush!--what was that?" We all started; for as I spoke, startled by the +click as of a window fastening, there was the sound of an opening sash. +A light flashed out above our heads, and shone upon the skylight, the +leads, and the back staircase window, when if there, quite plain, was +not a policeman standing by a figure at the latter. Then there was a +hurrying scramble, and the shutting of a sash; and we could hear voices, +while we all stood in the shade, silent as mice, and trembling so that +the gentlemen had to hold us tightly. + +"Von sbirro veseet de maiden," said the Signor, in a whisper. + +"Oh! what shall we do?" gasped Clara. + +"_Taisez_!" hissed Achille, who seemed to come out nobly in the great +trouble--"_taisez_, and all shall be well; my faith, yes--it is so." + +"They will us not see," whispered the Signor. + +"_Mais non_!" ejaculated Achille. "But that police? What of him? We +must wait." + +"Oh, yes," I said, "pray do not move. It is one of the servants who has +been discovered. I am sure that we shall be safe if we keep quite +still." + +But the words were no sooner out of my mouth than there was a burst of +light through the half-closed shutters behind us, a buzz of voices, and +Lady Blunt, the four teachers, and several of the pupils, hurried into +the drawing-room; and then, seeing the partly closed shutters, stood for +a moment as if afraid to come any further. + +I darted from _pauvre_ Achille, giving him a sharp jerk at the same +moment; and, as my elbow crashed through a pane of glass, and I slipped +behind the great green blind in the corner, I heard an exclamation in +French. There was a great splash, followed by a noise as of some large +body snorting and floundering in the great tank; and my blood ran cold, +as I wanted to run out, but felt chained to the spot where I was +concealed. + +"I have murdered him, I know!" I gasped. + +At the very same moment there was a fearful scream from poor Clara, as +the light of half-a-dozen candles shone upon her smutty face, where +there was the mark of a hand all down one cheek. And, frightened though +I was, I seemed to notice everything, as if my senses were all +sharpened; and, at one and the same time, I saw my own trouble, Clara, +and my poor Achille drowning in the great tank. + +Poor Clara covered her face in an instant, and a loud rustling of the +ivy on the edge of the cistern, the sound of a body falling, and then +came retreating feet along the gravel. + +"Escaped," I muttered; and then a sigh came with a great gasp, as I +exclaimed, "Oh! if Clara will only not betray me, I shall be safe, too." + +But, oh, what a tableau was there!--night-caps, dressing-gowns, flannel +garments, every token of hurried half-dressing; while the light from +candle after candle streamed down upon poor Clara, prone upon the white +stones of the conservatory. + +"Good heavens!" I heard Mrs Blunt exclaim, "that it should have come +to this!--that my establishment should be debased by the presence of +such a creature. Abandoned, lost girl, what will become of you?" + +Oh, how my poor teeth did chatter! + +"Dreadful!" squeaked Miss Furness. + +"Shocking!" echoed Miss Sloman. + +"_Ach ten, bad madchen_" croaked the Fraulein; while Miss Murray and the +pupils present sighed in concert. + +"Lost one!" began Mrs Blunt again. + +Crish! crash! crash! came the sound of breaking glass upon the leads; +the girls shrieked, and, in an agony of fear, the whole party dashed +back to the drawing-room door; while, in the dim light given by a fallen +candle, I saw poor Clara slowly raise her head and look towards the open +window--our window. + +But there was no other sound; and at last, after quite five minutes' +pause, came the lady principal's voice from the drawing-room, in awful +tones-- + +"Miss Fitzacre; come in directly, and close the window after you." + +"For goodness' sake, don't fasten it," I whispered; "and oh, Clara, pet, +don't--pray, don't--betray me!" + +"Hush!" whispered the poor darling, rising up like a pale ghost. + +And as I stood, squeezed up in the corner, trembling ever so, she closed +the conservatory window, looking out as she did so; then entered the +drawing-room, clattered the shutters to; and then, by the sound, I knew +that they had all entered the breakfast-room, so I stole out of my +hiding-place, and tried the window. + +At first my heart sank, for I thought it was fastened; but, no, it +yielded to my touch, and as I pushed, the shutters slowly swung open, to +show me the room all in darkness. Stepping quickly in, I closed window +and shutters, and then stole over to reach the door where I could hear +the buzz of voices, and Mrs Blunt scolding fearfully. + +I crossed the room as quietly as I could, feeling my way along in the +darkness--for Clara had trampled out the fallen candle--when all at once +I gave myself up for lost I had knocked over one of the wretched little +drawing-room chairs; and I stood trembling and stooping down, meaning to +creep under the large ottoman if I heard any one coming. + +But they did not hear the noise; and, after waiting awhile, I ventured +to open the door, when I could hear plainly poor Clara sobbing bitterly +in the breakfast-room; and I was filled with remorse, as I felt how that +I ought to be there to take my share of the blame. But I could not--no, +I could not, I must own--summon up courage enough to go in and avow my +fault. + +I had hardly closed the drawing-room door, when I heard a hand rattle +the door of the breakfast-room, as if some one was about to open it, so +I bounded along the hall to the back staircase; and hardly in time, for +the breakfast-room door opened just as I was out of sight, and I heard +Mrs Blunt's voice, in loud tones, to the teachers, I suppose-- + +"Ladies, be kind enough to see that the drawing-room window is properly +secured." + +Up I darted to reach my own room, and it was well that I made for the +back staircase; for there, regularly fringing the balustrade of the best +staircase, were all the younger pupils and the servants looking down and +listening; while I could hear the sounds coming up from the hall, as my +Lady Blunt and the teachers began again to storm at the poor silent +girl, who never, that I could hear, answered them one single word, and +in the act of slipping into my room, I nearly brushed the dress of one +of the pupils. + +And now, if Clara would only be a martyr, I felt safe, as I stood inside +our room, and listened for a few moments to the words which came up +quite plainly in the still night. + +"Once more, I insist upon knowing who it was," shrieked Mrs Blunt, +while her satellites added their feeble echoes. + +"Tell, directly!" screamed Miss Sloman. + +"Bad gell--bad gell!" croaked the Fraulein. + +"You must confess," cried Miss Furness, in shrill, treble tones. + +"Who was it, Miss Fitzacre?" cried Mrs Blunt. + +And then there was a stamp upon the floor, but not a word from Clara; +and I dared stay for no more, but closed the door, listened to Patty +snoring more loudly and ever, and then dashed to the washstand, +recalling poor Clara's smutty face, and sponged my own quickly. Then I +slipped on my _bonnet de nuit_, and undressed quicker than I ever before +did in my life. Then just as I had finished, I heard them coming up the +stairs--scuffling of feet and shutting of doors as the pupils hurried +into their rooms, some skirmishing at a terrible rate past my door; so I +slipped into bed with my head turned towards the window, and lay there +with my heart beating tumultuously. + +"Now, if they only did not come here first, I'm safe," I muttered. + +I felt how exceedingly fortunate it was for me that Patty slept so +soundly: for not only had she not seen me enter, but if she had slept +all through the disturbance, and had not heard Clara go, why should I +not have done the same? And I felt that it would help to remove +suspicion from me. + +They seemed a terribly long time coming, but I kept telling myself that +Clara would not betray me; and I recalled with delight now that I had +suffered punishment for her trick, when she moved the lady principal's +chair to her fall. + +"But there," I said to myself, "they shall tear me in pieces before they +know anything I don't, want to tell. But, oh, did poor Achille escape? +and what was that fearful crash? I do hope it was the Signor, for poor +Achille's sake. But how wet whoever it was must have been!" + +"And you will prepare your things for leaving early in the morning, Miss +Fitzacre," exclaimed Mrs Blunt, angrily, as she opened the door of the +bedroom, and the light shone in. "Now, go to bed immediately. Is Miss +Bozerne here?" + +"Yes, ma'am," I replied, just raising my head from the pillow. + +"Oh! that is right," said her ladyship; "and Miss Smith?" + +There was no answer. + +"Miss Smith! where is Miss Smith?" shrieked Lady Blunt from the door, +evidently thinking that poor Patty was in the plot. "Miss Smith! Miss +Smith!" she shrieked again. + +"D-o-o-o-n't--Be quiet!" muttered the sleepy-headed little thing. + +"Oh! that will do," said Mrs Blunt. "Don't wake her. Miss Bozerne, +you must excuse me for locking you in during the rest of the night; but +if you object, perhaps Fraulein Liebeskinden will allow you to sleep +with--" + +"Oh no, thank you, ma'am," I said, hastily; "I shall not mind." + +"Good night, then, Miss Bozerne," she said, very shortly; while I felt +such a hypocrite that I hardly knew what to do. "Lost girl!" she +continued, as she shut the door, and turned the key, which she took away +with her, leaving poor Clara standing, pale and motionless, in the +centre of the room; but no sooner had the light disappeared, and shone +no more in beneath the crack at the bottom of the door, than she gave +one great sob-- + +"Oh! Laura," she exclaimed; and then, throwing herself into my arms, +she cried and sobbed so wildly and hysterically, that I was quite +frightened. + +For she was now giving vent to the pent-up feelings of the last quarter +of an hour; but after awhile she calmed down, and with only a sob now +and then to interrupt us--for, of course, I too could not help crying-- +we quietly talked the matter over. + +"No; not a word," said the poor girl, in answer to a question of mine-- +which, of course, you can guess--"not a word; they may send me away and +punish me as they like, but not a word will I ever say about it." + +"Then they know nothing at all about me, or--" I stammered and stopped. + +"You ought to have more confidence in me than to ask such a thing," +cried Clara, passionately, as she began to sob again. "You would not +have betrayed me if you had been in my position; now, would you?" + +I did not know. While, being naturally nervous, I was afraid perhaps I +might, if put to the test; but I did not say so. + +"What could have made that horrible crashing noise?" said Clara at last; +"do you think it was the policeman, dear?" + +"Perhaps it was," I said; "but I know poor Achille went into the +cistern. I pushed him in; and I'm afraid he must have been drowned, for +I'm not sure that I heard him crawl out. Oh, dear! oh, dear!" I said +at last, "what a passion is this love! I feel so old, and worn, and +troubled I could die." + +"It would be ruin to the poor Signor to be found out," murmured Clara-- +thinking more of her tiresome, old, brown Italian than of poor Achille. +"Oh me! I know it was all my fault; but then how odd that the policeman +should have had a meeting too! Or was he watching? Poor Giulio! would +that I had never let him love me. I declared that I did not like him a +bit to-night when we were together, and I had quite made up my mind +never to meet him any more without he would talk of something else than +beautiful Italy. Bother beautiful Italy! But now I half think I love +him so dearly that I would dare anything for him. That I would." + +Poor girl! she grew so hysterical again, that I quite grieved for her, +and told her so; and then, poor thing, she crept up close to me; and +really it did seem so noble of her to take all the blame and trouble +upon herself, while she was so considerate over it, that I could not +help loving her very, very, very much for it all. But at last we both +dropped off soundly asleep, just as the birds were beginning to twitter +in the garden; and, feeling very dull and low-spirited, I was half +wishing that I was a little bird myself, to sit and sing the day long, +free from any trouble; no lessons to learn, no exercises to puzzle one's +brain, no cross lady principal or teachers, no mamma to send me to be +finished. And it was just as I was half feeling that I could soar away +into the blue arch of heaven, that I went into the deep sleep wherein I +was tortured by seeing those eyes again--always those eyes--peering at +me; but this time out of the deep black water of the cistern. By that I +knew that I had drowned poor Achille, and that was to be my punishment-- +always to sit, unable to tear myself away, and be gazed at by those +dreadful eyes from out of the deep, black water of the tank. + + +CHAPTER TWELVE. + +MEMORY THE TWELFTH--THAN NEXT MORNING. + +I have often awoke of a morning with the sensation of a heavy, +pressing-down weight upon my mental faculties; and so it was after the +dreadful catastrophe narrated in the last chapter. I opened my eyes, +feeling--no, let me be truthful, I did not wake, for Patty Smith brought +me to my senses by tapping my head with her nasty penetrating +hair-brush--feeling, as I said before, feeling that the dull pressure +upon me was caused by the dread truth that poor Achille really was +drowned; while it was the Signor whom I had heard escaping. And so +strong was the impression, and so nervous and so low did I feel with the +adventures of the past night, that I turned quite miserable, and could +not keep from crying. + +The morning was enough to give anybody the horrors, for it rained +heavily; and there were the poor birds, soaking wet, and with their +feathers sticking close to their sides, hopping about upon the lawn, +looking for worms. All over the window-panes, and hanging to the +woodwork, were great tears, as if the clouds shared my trouble and +sorrow; while all the flowers looked drooping and dirty, and splashed +and miserable. + +Then I began to think about Achille, and his coming to give his lesson +that morning; and then about his being in the cistern, with those +wonderful eyes looking out at me; when, there again, if there was not +that tiresome old Tennyson's poem getting into my poor, weary head, and, +do what I would, I could not keep it out. There it was--buzz, buzz, +buzz--"Dreary--and weary--and will not come, she said;" till at last I +began to feel as if I was the real Mariana in the Moated Grange. + +To make me worse, too, there was that poor Clara--pale-faced, red-eyed, +and desolate-looking--sitting there dressed, and resting her hot head +upon her hand as she gazed out of the window; and though I wished to +comfort her, I felt to want the comfort more myself. At last I could +bear it no longer, and, in place of weeping gently, I was so nervous, +and low, and upset with the night's troubles, that I sat down and had a +regular good cry, and all the while with that great, stupid, fat, gawky +goose of a Patty sitting and staring at me, with her head all on one +side, as she was brushing out half of her hair, which she had not +finished in all the time I had taken to dress. + +"Don't, Patty!" I half shrieked, at last--she was so tiresome. + +"Well, I ain't," said Patty. + +"But please don't, then!" I exclaimed, angrily. + +"Don't what?" said the great, silly thing. + +"Don't stare so, and look so big and glumpy!" I exclaimed; for I felt +as if I could have knocked off her tiresome head, only it was so +horribly big; and I don't care what anybody says, there never were +anywhere before such a tempting pair of cheeks to slap as Patty's--they +always looked so round, and red, and soft, and pluffy. + +"You ain't well," said the nasty, aggravating thing, in her silly, slow +way. "Take one of my Seidlitz powders." + +"Ugh!" I shuddered at the very name of them. Just as if one of the +nasty, prickly-water, nose-tickling things was going to do me any good +at such a time as this. + +It really was enough to make one hit her. I never did take a Seidlitz +powder but once, and then it was just after reading "Undine" with the +Fraulein, and my head was all full of water-nymphs, and gods, and "The +Mummelsee and the Water Maidens," and all sorts. And when I shut my +eyes, and drank the fizzing-up thing, it all seemed to tickle my nose +and lips; and I declare if I did not half fancy I was drinking the +waters of the sparkling Rhine, and one of the water-gods had risen to +kiss me, and that was his nasty prickly moustache I had felt. But to +return to that dreadful morning when Patty wanted me to take one of her +Seidlitz powders. + +"Mix 'em in two glasses is best," she went on, without taking any notice +of my look of disgust--"the white paper in one, and the blue paper in +the other, and then drink off the blue first, and wait while you count +twenty, and then drink off the white one--slushions they call 'em. It +does make you feel so droll, and does your head ever so much good. Do +have one, dear!" + +I know that I must have slapped her--nothing could have prevented it--if +just then the door had not been unlocked, and that horrible Miss Furness +came in. + +"When you are ready, Miss Smith, you will descend with Miss Bozerne--I +will wait for you," said the screwy old thing; but she took not the +slightest notice of poor Clara, who sat there by the window, with her +forehead all wrinkled up, and looking at least ten years older. It was +of no good for one's heart to bleed for her, not a bit, with Miss +Furness, who had undertaken to act the part of gaoler, there; so I gave +the poor, suffering darling one last, meaning look, which was of no use, +for it was wasted through the poor thing not looking up; and then I +followed Miss Furness out of the room, side by side with Patty Smith, +whose saucer eyes grew quite cheese-platish as she saw the door locked +to keep poor Clara in; and then the tiresome thing kept bothering me in +whispers to know what was the matter, for she was quite afraid of Miss +Furness. + +However, I answered nothing, and went into the miserable, dreary, +damp-looking classroom with an aching heart, and waited till the +breakfast bell rang. For there was a bell rung for everything, when +there was not the slightest necessity for such nonsense, only it all +aided to make the Cedars imposing, and advertised it to the country +round. But when I went into the hall, to cross it to reach the +breakfast-room, there were a couple of boxes and a bundle at the foot of +the back stairs, and the tall page getting himself into a tangle with +some cord as he pretended to be tying them up. + +Just then the drawing-room door opened, and I heard Mrs Blunt say-- + +"And don't apply to me for a character, whatever you do;" whilst, very +red-eyed and weeping, out came Sarah Ann, the housemaid. + +"Once more," said Mrs Blunt, "do you mean to tell me who it was that I +distinctly saw, with my very own eyes, standing upon the leads talking +to you?" + +But Ann only gave a sob and a gulp, and I knew then that they did not +know who had come to see her; whilst I felt perfectly certain that it +was _the_ policeman, and, besides, the Signor and Achille must have seen +what he was. + +I was standing close to Miss Furness, who, as soon as she saw Ann, began +to bridle up with virtuous indignation; and then set to and hunted the +girls into the breakfast-room. + +"Is Ann going away?" said Patty Smith, in her dawdly, sleepy way. "I +like Ann. What's she going away for, Miss Furness, please?" + +"Hush!" exclaimed Miss Furness, in a horrified way. "Don't ask such +questions. She is a very wicked and hardened girl, and Mrs Fortesquieu +de Blount has dismissed her, lest she should contaminate either of the +other servants." + +"I'll tell you all about it, presently," whispered Celia Blang; but not +in such a low voice but that the indignant Miss Furness overheard her. + +"You will do nothing of the kind," said the cross old maid, "and I +desire that you instantly go back to your seat. If you know anything, +you will be silent--silence is golden. Such things are not to be talked +about, Miss Blang." + +Celia made a grimace behind her back, although she was said to be Miss +Furness's spy, and supposed to tell her everything; so Patty's curiosity +remained unsatisfied, while of course I pretended to know nothing at all +about what had been going on. + +Directly after breakfast, though, Patty had it all by heart, and came +red-hot to tell me how that Clara had been caught trying to elope out of +the conservatory, whilst Ann was talking from the tall staircase window, +when Miss Sloman happened to hear a whispering--for she was lying awake +with a bad fit of the toothache. So she went and alarmed the lady +principal; and then, with Miss Furness and the Fraulein, they had all +watched, and they found it out. Some one, too, had been in the tank, +and the conservatory windows were broken, and that was all, except that +Mrs Blunt had been writing to Lady Fitzacre--Clara's mamma--and the +poor girl was to be expelled; while for the present she was to be kept +in her room till her mamma came, unless she would say who was the +gentleman she was about to elope with--such stuff!--and then, if she +would confess, she was to sit with Mrs Blunt, under surveillance, as +they called it. When, leaving alone betraying the poor Signor, of +course Clara preferred staying in her own room. + +Such a miserable wet morning, and though I wanted to, very badly indeed, +I could not get into the conservatory to set my poor mind at rest by +poking down into the cistern with a blind lath; for if I had gone it +might have raised suspicions. + +Could he still be in the tank, and were my dreams in slumber right? + +"Oh, how horrible!" I thought; "why, I should feel always like his +murderer." + +But, there, I could not help it--it was fate, my fate, and his fate--my +fate to be his murderess, his to be drowned; and I would have given +worlds, if I had had them, to be able to faint, when about eleven +o'clock the cook came to the door, and asked Mrs Blunt, in a strange, +mysterious way, to please come into the conservatory. For the man +servant had not come back from the station, and taking Ann's boxes. + +"Oh, he's there, he's there!" I muttered, as I wrung my hands beneath +the table, and closed my eyes, thinking of the inquest and the other +horrors to come; and seeing in imagination his wet body laid upon the +white stones in the conservatory. + +Oh, how I wanted to faint--how I tried to faint, and go off in a deep +swoon, that should rest me for a while from the racking thoughts that +troubled me. But I could not manage it anyhow; for of course nothing +but the real thing would do at such a time as this. + +Out went Mrs Blunt, to return in five minutes with what I thought to be +a terribly pale face, as she beckoned out the three teachers who were +most in her confidence, Miss Murray being considered too young and +imprudent. + +There! I never felt anything so agonising in my life--never; and I +could not have borne it any longer anyhow. I'm sure, in another moment +I must have been horribly hysterical and down upon the floor, tapping +the boards with my heels, as I once saw mamma--and of course such things +are hereditary--only I was saved by hearing a step upon the gravel. +Then my heart leaped just after the fashion of that gentleman's who +wanted Maud to come into the garden so very badly. For there I could +see the real eyes coming along the shrubbery, peeping over the fur +collar of a long cloak, which hung down to the heels. And I felt so +relieved, that a great heavy sob, that had been sticking in my throat +all the morning, leaped out suddenly, and made Patty Smith look up and +stare. + +Then came tramping in Mrs Blunt and the three teachers, and as they +whispered together, I was quite startled, for they talked about +something being dragged out of the cistern with the tongs. And now I +knew it could not be Achille, but made sure it was the poor Signor; when +I felt nearly as bad as before, though I kept telling myself that it was +quite impossible for them to have lifted the poor, dear, drowned dead +man out with a pair of tongs--even if he was not so very stout. But +there, my misery was again put an end to by the Fraulein, who said, out +loud,-- + +"Oh, yes, it was. I see de mark--C. Fitzacre." + +And then I knew that it must have been one of Clara's handkerchiefs that +had been fished out, and "blessed my stars that my stars blessed me" by +not letting it be my handkerchief that they had discovered. + +There was a step in the hall, and how my heart fluttered! + +"Monsieur Achille de Tiraille for the French lesson," squeaked Miss +Furness. + +And soon after we were busy at work, going over the irregular verbs, and +I could see Achille's eyes wandering from face to face, as if to see +whether there were any suspicion attaching to him. Then followed the +reading and exercise correcting, while I could see plainly enough that +he was terribly agitated--so much so, that he made at lest four mistakes +himself, and passed over several in the pupils. And when he found that +I did not give him a note with my exercise--one that should explain, I +suppose, all that had since passed--when I had not had the eighth part +of a chance to write one, he turned quite cross and pettish, and snapped +one, and snubbed another. As for poor me, I could have cried, I could, +only that all the teachers and Mrs Blunt were there, and Miss Furness +looking triumphant. As a rule, all the teachers did not stay in the +room while the French lessons were progressing, and this all tended +towards making poor Achille fidgety and cross; but he need not have +behaved quite so unkindly to me, for I'm sure I had been suffering quite +enough upon his account, and so I should have liked to have told him if +I had had the opportunity; while now that all this upset had come, I +felt quite sorry for the disloyal thought that I had had, and should +have been ready to do anything for his sake. + +The lessons were nearly over, when all at once the door opened suddenly, +and I saw poor Achille jump so that the pen with which he was correcting +Patty Smith's exercise made a long scrawling tail to one of the letters; +but he recovered himself directly. + +Well, the door opened suddenly, and the cook stood there, wiping her +floury hands, for it was pasty-waster day, and she exclaimed loudly,-- + +"O'm! please'm! the little passage is all in a swim." + +"C-o-o-o-k!" exclaimed Mrs Blunt, in a dreadful voice, as if she meant +to slay her upon the spot. + +"O'm! please'm!" cried the cook again. + +"Why, where is James, cook?" said Mrs Blunt, sternly. + +"Cleaning hisself, mum," said cook; "and as Hann's gone, mum, I was +obliged to come--not as I wanted to, I'm sure," and cook looked very +much ill-used. + +Mrs Blunt jumped up, as much to get rid of the horrible apparition as +anything; while cook continued,-- + +"There, do come, mum; it's perfeckly dreadful!" and they went off +together; when such a burst of exclamations followed that the three lady +teachers rose and left the room, and I took the opportunity of Miss +Murray's back being turned to exchange glances with poor Achille, who +had, at the least, been wet; while I longed, for poor Clara's sake, to +ask him about the Signor. But to speak was impossible, and there were +too many eyes about for the glance to be long. So I let mine drop to my +exercise, and then sat, with a strange, nervous sensation that I could +not explain creeping over me, and it seemed like the forerunner of +something about to happen. + +Just then Miss Furness hurried in and out again, leaving the door ajar, +so that from where I sat I could command a view of the little passage, +and saw Mrs Blunt walk up, jingling her keys, and stepping upon the +points of her toes over a little stream of water that was slowly flowing +along. Then going up to the store-room door, I heard the key thrust in, +as impelled by I know not what, I left my seat, and formed one of the +group which stood looking upon the little stream that I could now see +came from beneath the store-room door. + +"The skylight must have been left open," exclaimed Mrs Blunt, flinging +open the door, and at the same moment the recollection of the crash +flashed across my mind; for, as she flung open the door, in her pompous, +bouncing way, and was about to step in, oh!--horror of horrors! how can +I describe it all? There was the floor of the little room covered with +broken glass, water, bits of putty, wood, and a mass of broken jam pots; +and the little table, that had evidently stood beneath the skylight, had +two of its legs broken off, and had slid its saccharine burden (that is +better than saying load of jam) upon the floor in hideous ruin. Some +pots were broken to pieces, some in half; while others had rolled to the +other end of the room, and were staining their paper covers, or dyeing +the water with their rich, cloying contents. But worse, far worse than +all, with his face cut, scratched, and covered with dry blood, his shirt +front and waistcoat all jam, crouching back in the farthest corner, was +the poor Signor--regularly trapped when he had fallen through the +skylight; for it was impossible for any one to have climbed up to the +opening, through which the rain came like a shower bath, and there was +no other way of exit. + +The lady principal shrieked, the lady teachers performed a trio of +witch-screams--the most discordant ever uttered--and my Lady Blunt would +have plashed down into the puddle, only, seeing how wet it was, she only +reeled and clung to me, who felt ready to drop myself, as I leaned +against the wall half swooning. + +Alarmed by the shrieks, Achille came running out, looking, as I thought, +very pale. + +"Ladies, ladies!" he ejaculated, "_ma foi, qu'est ce que c'est_?" + +"Help, help! Monsieur Achille," gasped Mrs Blunt. + +He hurried forward, and relieved me of my load. + +"Fetch the police," cried Miss Furness. + +"_Nein, nein_--it is a mistake," whispered the Fraulein, who had a +penchant, I think, for the poor Signor. + +"Signor Pazzoletto, it is thou!" exclaimed Achille, with an aspect of +the most profound amazement as he caught sight of his unfortunate +friend--an aspect which was, indeed, truthful. + +For, as he afterwards told me, he had been so drenched in the cistern, +and taken up with making his own escape, that he had thought no more of +the poor Signor; while, being a wet morning, he had not sought his +lodging--which was some distance from the town--before coming, though he +was somewhat anxious to consult him upon the previous night's alarm, and +hardly dared to show himself. So-- + +"Signor Pazzoletto, it is thou!" he exclaimed, regularly taken aback, as +the sailors say. + +"_Altro! altro_!" ejaculated the poor man, who sadly wanted to make his +escape, but could see no better chance now than there had been all the +night. + +For the passage was blocked, while in the hall were collected together +all the pupils and the servants--that gawky James coming back and +towering above all, like a horrible lamp-post in a crowd. + +"My vinaigrette," murmured Madame Blunt. + +When if that dreadful Achille did not place another arm around her; and +that nasty old thing liked it, I could see, far more than Miss Furness +did, and hung upon him horribly, pretending to faint; when I could have +given anything to have snatched her away. + +"_Pauvre chere dame_" murmured Achille, giving me at the same moment a +comical look out of the corner of his eye. + +"Oh! Monsieur Achille," said Mrs Blunt, feebly, "oh, help! Send away +that wretch. _Otez moi cet homme la_." + +"_Aha! yais! mais oui_!" exclaimed Achille--the base deceiver, to play +such a part!--"Sare, you are not business here. Madame dismiss. Take +away yourself off. Cut yourself! Go!" + +I give this just as Achille spoke it; for I cannot but feel angry at the +deceitful part he had played. + +The Signor looked at Achille, and gave him a diabolical grin--just as if +he would have liked to stiletto him upon the spot, with one of the +pieces of broken glass. Then he looked at me, bestowing upon me a +meaning glance, as he made a rush past us all, and escaped by the front +door; but not without splashing right through the puddle, and sending +the water all over the Fraulein, so that she exclaimed most indignantly, +until the front door closed with a heavy bang. + + +CHAPTER THIRTEEN. + +MEMORY THE THIRTEENTH--SO VERY WICKED. + +It was such a relief to know that the Signor was gone, and that, too, +without betraying any one. I could see, too, that Achille revived, now +that he felt that he was safe for the present, and redoubled his +attentions to Mrs Blunt. I declare I believe he would have stood there +holding her for an hour, and she letting him, if Miss Furness had not +very officiously lent her aid as well; when the lady principal grew +better at once, and allowed herself to be assisted into the +breakfast-room, where, after much pressing, she consented to partake of +a glass of sherry. + +"Oh, Monsieur Achille," she gasped, "such a serious matter--reputation +of my establishment! You will be silent? Oh, dear me, what a dreadful +upset." + +"Silent? Ma foi, oui, Madame Bloont. I will be close as box," and he +gave his shoulders a shrug, put his fingers to his lips, half-shut his +eyes, and nodded his head a great many times over. + +"I knew you would," murmured Mrs Blunt; "and as to my lady assistants, +I feel assured that I can depend upon them." + +"Oh, yes," cried all these, in chorus. + +"And you had better now return to the classroom, Miss Bozerne," said +Miss Furness, who had seemed in a fidget ever since I had followed them +into the place. + +"Ah, yes--please leave us now, Miss Bozerne," said Mrs Blunt. "Of +course we can depend upon you, my child?" + +I promised all they wished, and was going across the hall, when I met +James, with a piece of paper in his hand. + +"Please, miss, where's Monser Tirrel?--a boy just brought this for him." + +"I'll take it in to him," I said, with the blood seeming to run in a +torrent to my heart; and there I stood, with the piece of a leaf of a +pocket-book in my hand. It was not doubled up, and as I glanced down +upon it I could see that it was scribbled over, evidently hastily, in +pencil. I was about to carry it into the breakfast-room, when a word +caught my eye; and telling myself it was not dishonourable, and that I +had some right to know the secrets of Achille, I felt that I must read +it through. + +"He says that I am his own, so that I have a right to see his +correspondence," I said to myself, trying to find an excuse for the +deceitful act; and then trembling all over, I read, hastily scrawled-- + + "Monsieur,--Vous m'avez insulte affreusement. Si vous n'etes pas + poltrone, vous serez, sans ami, dans les prairies au moulin a une + heure. + + "Giulio Pazzoletto." + +"Oh, horror!" I ejaculated, "it is a challenge; and if I give it to +him, that horrid Italian will shoot or stab to death my poor Achille! +What shall I do--what shall I do?" + +There I stood, racked with anguish, till I heard footsteps approaching, +when I fled into the schoolroom, where there was such a noise, and all +the pupils flocked round me directly, to ask no end of questions; but I +was so agitated that I could not speak. However, the first thing I did +was to spitefully bite the wicked, murderous note into fragments, and +scatter them about the place; and then, recalling Mrs Blunt's last +words, I was so retentive of the information the girls were all eager to +acquire, that they one and all sided against me, and said I was "a +proud, stuck-up, deceitful crocodile." + +"I don't care, children," I said, haughtily--for I was more at ease now +that I knew he would not get the note--"I don't care, children, Mrs +Blunt said that I was not to talk about it." + +"Children, indeed!" exclaimed little pert Celia Blang--"why, that's the +very thing that would make you tell us all! 'Tisn't that: it's because +you are so stuck-up, you and Clara Fitzy; but she's shut up now, and is +going to be sent away, and a good thing too; and now you'll only have +Patty Fatty to talk to, and I hope you'll like it." + +"Hold your tongue, you pert, ill-natured thing," I said; "I don't +believe that she will be sent away." + +"She will, though," said Celia; "you see if she isn't. But we don't +want you to tell us anything--we know all about it, don't we, girls?" + +"Know all about what?" I said, very coolly and contemptuously--for they +all seemed quite girlish and childish to me, now that I was the +repository of all that secrecy. + +"Why all about _it_" said Celia--"about Ann, and some one at the window. +Molly told me, and ever so much more that she heard from Ann before she +went; and Ann was going to tell her something about some one in the +garden--Clara Fitzy, or some one else--only she had not time before they +bundled her off. But, there: I sha'n't tell you any more." + +My ears tingled, as they say, when I heard that latter part about the +garden. What an escape it seemed, to be sure! But I passed it all off, +and took not a mite of notice; and just then, who should come in but +Miss Furness, as I heard a well-known step go crunching along the +gravel. Then it was lessons, lessons, till dinner-time; and lessons, +lessons, till tea-time; and then lessons again, for the weather was too +wet for a walk. + +I only saw Clara of a night after that, and, poor thing, she was kept +upon prison fare; for a letter came down from Lady Fitzacre, saying that +she was too ill to travel at present, and that she left the punishment +of the foolish, disobedient child entirely in the hands of Mrs Blunt. +So there wasn't a word said more about expelling her, for Mrs B. was +too fond of the high terms and extras she was able to charge for parlour +boarders. But they kept the poor thing a close prisoner upstairs for a +week; and, to make her position more bearable, I bought her a cheap +edition of "Moths," and smuggled it up. Then I managed "In Maremma;" +and whenever I went out, and could get to the pastrycook's, I filled my +pockets full of queen cakes, and sausage rolls, and raspberry jam tarts, +and got the inside of my pocket of my silk dress in such a sticky mess, +that I declare every time I put my hand in, it made me think of the poor +Signor. + +Of course, I told Clara everything that happened downstairs as soon as +Patty was asleep, though she frightened me terribly by almost going into +hysterics the first night, when I told her about the Signor being in the +store-room; but I did not mention the jam then, for fear of hurting her +feelings. She said I did quite right about the note; for she could +never have been happy again if the Signor had killed Achille--just as if +Achille was not a deal more likely to have killed the Signor! + +I don't know how the maids knew, but Molly told us that the Signor had +quite left the place, and had not paid his lodging nor yet his washing +bill; though I don't want to be spiteful, but I don't think that last +could have been much, for I never caught sight of anything washable but +a tiny bit of turn-down collar. And Molly knew--for James told her when +he took the packet--that Mrs Blunt sent what salary was owing the same +day, while I afterwards learned from Achille that they never met again; +and really it was a very good thing for all parties concerned that the +poor man went. + +Yes! No! Let me see--yes, he told me upon the day I enclosed him the +half-sovereign for the poor refugee family whose troubles in London +Achille used to paint so vividly I remember he told me, too, that Signor +Pazzoletto had gone away in his debt too, and that he was afraid the +Signor was not an honourable man. + +My poor Achille was very charitable, and kept himself terribly poor that +way; but I could not help admiring his generosity towards his fellow +exiles, and I used to give him, regularly, all I could from my +pocket-money, after he had called my attention to these poor people's +condition; and I must say that papa was very liberal to me in that way, +and I could always have a sovereign or two for the asking. Achille used +to tell me that he added all he could, and that the poor people were so +grateful, and used to write of me to him as "la belle ange." He said +that the mother was going to write and thank me some day, but she never +did; while, I suppose from motives of delicacy, Achille never told me +their names. + +He was really exceedingly charitable, and was often finding out cases +where a little money would be well bestowed; and once or twice I wanted +to call myself, and see the poor creatures; but his diffidence was so +great, that he would not tell me of their places of abode, for he would +not be seen moving in such matters, preferring to perform his acts of +kindness in secret. + +Poor Clara was down and amongst us once more; while, as I before said, +there was no more talk of her being expelled, for since the Signor had +gone, Mrs Blunt thought that all would be right, and she would have no +more trouble. And I must say that, for a long time Clara would never +help me a bit in any way, now that she had lost her Giulio, but moped +terribly, and seemed quite an altered girl--even going so far as to say +bitter, cruel things. One day she quite upset me by declaring that +Achille only wanted the money for himself, and that I had better be like +her--give up all such folly and love-making: a most cruel, unjust, +sour-grapey speech; for as to giving up her black-bearded, Italian-organ +looking man, there was little giving up in the case. + +At last, down came Lady Fitzacre, and there was such a to-do in the +drawing-room; but Clara was so penitent that she was quite forgiven. +And then I was had in to be introduced, and, of course, I expected that +a lady with such a name would take after her daughter or that her +daughter took after her--it don't matter which--and be tall, +aristocratic, and imposing; but, instead, she was a little, screwy, +pale, squeezy body, with her upper teeth sticking out quite forward, so +as to make her look ugly. But she was very pleasant and good-tempered, +and made a great fuss over me, and told Mrs Blunt that she would sooner +keep a powder magazine than have a troop of such man-killers to manage. + +Then she kissed Clara, and said she was afraid that the poor thing was +"a naughty, naughty girl," and that it was "so shocking." + +"But very natural, Mrs de Blount," I heard her whisper, and it set me +thinking about what mamma would say when she found me out. + +For I was not going to break with Achille just because there were +obstacles thrown in our way. Of course, there were no more meetings to +be held in the conservatory, and for a long time, a very long time, we +had to be content with notes, and they could not always be delivered. +As I hinted before, Clara would not help me a bit. She said she had +promised her mamma that she would not engage in anything of the kind +again, and she did not mean to break her word. Certainly, she said, she +might perhaps come with me some night, or perhaps aid me a little; but +it would not be at present, until she had quite got over her late shock. +And then the stupid, romantic girl used to talk about her heart being a +desert, and asked all sorts of questions about the convent at Guisnes, +just as if she had serious thoughts of entering, and turning nun +altogether; for she said there seemed no hope for her in the future. + +There certainly was not much temptation for her to break her word to her +mamma with the new Italian master, Signor Pompare. For of all the +frights--oh, dear me! A great, overgrown, stuffy, fat pig; and instead +of being dark-eyed, and with beautiful, glossy, black hair, he was +actually quite sandy--bird-sandy--and very bald-headed; while his face, +where the beautiful, silky, black beard should have been, was all close +shaved, and soapy and shiny. And then, too, he used to take such lots +of snuff; and there was a crinkly little hole in his upper lip, where he +could not shave, and this was always half full of brown powder, so that +we decided to call it the reservoir. When he breathed, you used to see +the snuff puff out of the place in little tiny, tiny clouds, and fall in +a brown bloom over his closely-shaven chin. Not much fear of any of the +pupils taking a fancy to him, you would have thought; though I declare +if Patty Smith did not say he was a very nice-looking man. But not that +that meant anything, for the highest love to which Patty could ascend +was love for something tasty to eat. + +Actually, two months had passed since we had had an interview, and not +one plan could I hit upon, though I had tortured my poor head until I +grew quite desperate. Of course, I saw Achille every week for lessons, +and twice on Sundays. But, then, all that seemed to count for nothing; +and once more I was beginning to grow so miserable and dejected, a state +from which his letters hardly seemed to revive me. + +Any disloyal thoughts I may have had were thoroughly chased away by the +difficulties we had encountered. But, still, leading such a quiet, +regular life as we lived, it seemed very hard work to find words and +remarks with which to fill up one's notes. I declare that if they did +not grow to be as difficult to write as Miss Furness's essays; and I had +to use the same adjectives over and over and over again, till I was +quite ashamed of them, and almost wondered that they did not turn sour +even though they were meant to be sweet and endearing. As for Achille's +notes--heigho! I could excuse him, knowing how difficult it was to find +words myself; but towards the latter part of our dear intimacy, his +letters grew to be either political, or else full of the sorrows of the +poor people whose cause he espoused, and whose sufferings he tried, to +use his own words, "to make a little softer." + +Of course it was too bad to gape, and keep his notes in one's pocket +until they grew quite worn before I opened them, and then to feel that I +knew by heart all that he was going to say; but I could not help it, +though I tried hard to love and appreciate the things which interested +him, and pinched myself terribly to send him half-sovereigns for his +"chers pauvres." But, I don't mind owning to it, I did not care a +single button or pen nib for the French Royal family, though I did not +like to tell him so when he asked me to subscribe for the poor +descendants of the noblest of "la belle France." I'm afraid I was not +so patriotic as I should have been. I could not help it. + +I did try; and no doubt in time I should have grown to have loved the +same things as he did; but I did wish that he would have made his notes +a little more--more--well, what shall I say?--there, less matter of fact +and worldly, when I wanted them to be tender, and sympathising, and +ethereal. + +Yes--I grew quite disgusted, in spite of Clara's nasty badinage; for she +had recovered her spirits as I lost mine, and used to tell me to try her +recipe, and I should soon be well again. But, of course, I treated her +remarks as they deserved; and grew paler every day in spite of the +pleasant country walks, though they were totally spoiled by our having +to tramp along like a regiment of soldiers. + +For my part, I should have liked to go wandering through the woods, +spending ten minutes here and ten minutes there; now stopping to pluck a +flower, and now to sit down upon some mossy fallen tree; or else to have +lost myself amongst the embowering leaves. In short, I should have +liked to do just as I pleased; while all the time the rule seemed to be +that we should do just as some one else liked; and "some one else" was +generally that detestable, screwy, old Miss Furness, with her +"Keep together, young ladies," or "Now, a little faster," or +"Straightforward," or "To the right" Oh! it was so sickening, I declare +that I would rather have sat up in the dormitory--pooh, such nonsense!-- +in the bedroom, and watched and envied the birds in the long, wavy +boughs of the beautiful cedars. I know I could have contrived several +meetings if it had not been for Miss Furness, who was always prying and +peering about, as suspiciously as possible, though half of that was on +purpose to annoy me, and because she knew that I did not like it. + +But though Clara had at one time vowed that she would not help me, she +never, in the slightest degree, went against any of my plans; but even +went so far as to allow herself to be turned into a passive +post-office--if I may use the expression--by holding a note for Achille +in her French grammar, and bringing back another when she had had her +regular scolding--for she certainly was very stupid over her French, +though at one time she had manifested considerable ability over her +Italian, while she sketched beautifully. + +I managed the place for a meeting, at last; though, after all, it was +but a very tiresome place, but, under the circumstances, better than +nothing. There was no going out of a night now, even if we had felt so +inclined; and, really and truly, after what we had gone through, I felt +very little disposed to attempt such a thing again; for Miss Furness +used to collect regularly every night all the downstairs keys in a +basket, and then take them up to Mrs Blunt's room; and I feel convinced +that those four old tabbies used to have something hot in one of the +bedrooms. Clara used to say that she could smell it; and yet they would +all make a fuss at dinner about never touching ale or porter. All I +know is, that Miss Furness's nose never would have looked so red if she +only drank water always. They used to think that we did not know of +their sitting up of a night; but Clara and I soon found that out, for we +began to lie and listen, and could tell well enough that the Fraulein +was not in her own room; while every now and then, from some other part, +we could hear her blowing her nose with a noise loud enough to alarm the +whole house. There never was such a woman before for blowing noses, I'm +sure. Why, she could blow her nose as loud as a churchwarden, or a Poor +Law guardian, who, as it is well known, can, after county magistrates on +the bench, make more noise than any one upon that particular organ. It +was quite dreadful to hear the Fraulein trumpeting about, like one of +those horrid brass things the soldiers play in the bands--stretching +out, and pulling in, and working about, and looking so dangerous. + +And now I am going to tell you about my plan for an interview; though I +might have spared my poor brains all the trouble, for it never did +either of us a bit of good, in spite of all my scheming and management I +told you that the downstairs doors were always locked now of a night, +and that Miss Furness collected all the keys, so that it was quite out +of the question to think of trying to get into either of the lower rooms +to talk out of the window; so I thought, and thought, and thought, and +puzzled, and puzzled, and puzzled, and bored my poor brains, till at +last I remembered the empty room at the end of the passage. + +"Well, but how ever could he get up there to talk to you?" said Clara; +"it's a second floor window." + +"Why, come up a ladder, of course," I said. + +"But how is he to get one there?" said Clara. "Bring some bricklayers +and scaffold poles, and have a scaffold made on purpose?" + +"Why, a rope ladder, goosey," I said. "Don't you see?" + +But Clara said she could not see, and that she believed that, excepting +in ships, there were no such things as rope ladders, and all those that +you read of in books were manufactured in people's brains, and never +helped anybody yet up to a window; while as to ladies eloping down them, +that was all nonsense, for she did not think the woman was living who +could get either up or down one of the swingle-swangle things. And then +she said that it would not be safe; but I knew better, and told her so, +for I was not going to have my plan set aside for a trifle. So then I +set to and wrote a letter to Achille. + +Since Clara had laughed so terribly, I had not liked to send money in +the notes by her; and poor Achille had sent me such a despairing note, +telling me how that he must see me--one of the most grievous, +broken-hearted notes possible. I declare I don't know what he did not +say he would do if he could not see me soon. + + +CHAPTER FOURTEEN. + +MEMORY THE FOURTEENTH--ANTICIPATED JOYS. + +I wrote and told Achille all my plans, using the top of the drawers for +a writing desk, and letting Patty Smith think that I was doing an +exercise; for I was so horribly deceitful, writing upon exercise paper, +and referring now and then to dictionary and grammar, as if for +different words. I told him he was to get hooks made that would fit +over the inside of the window-sill, and he was to buy a rope ladder, and +I would let down a string and draw it up, and hook it on, when he could +easily run up and stand upon the great, wide ledge beneath the second +floor windows--a large, ornamental cornice that ran nearly round the +house--and there stop and talk to me whenever it was a dark night. + +I soon managed, through Clara, for him to have the note; and the next +time he came he was quite radiant with joy, and praised all the girls' +exercises, though some of them were really execrable I would not look at +him, but soon after he was gone Clara slipped a note into my hand, which +said that he would be under the window that night at half-past twelve, +and that I was to be sure and have a ball of string ready to let down +and draw up the ladder, which he had been obliged to make himself; for +though he could buy cord enough everywhere in London, there was not such +a thing as a rope ladder to be got. + +"There, I told you so," said Clara, laughing. "Rope ladder, indeed. I +don't believe people ever did sell such things; and you see now if he +don't stick halfway up, like a great fly in a spider's web, till Lady +Blunt comes, as the spider, and sticks a great knitting needle into his +body to kill him. And then she'll call all the other spiders, and all +four of them will set to and devour your poor Achille--for they are +almost ready to eat him every day, as it is." + +"Don't talk such stuff," I said pettishly, though I could not help +thinking of Miss Furness and her penchant for Achille, though I knew he +hated her. + +It did sound so romantic and chivalrous, in spite of Clara's ill-natured +prattle, having one's lover coming up a ladder of ropes in the stilly +midnight hour, when all were dreaming around. It put me in mind of +ladies' bowers, and knights, and cavaliers, and elopements; and +dreaming, as I did, I almost began to fancy myself a damsel in distress +about to be rescued. I stood there, in our room, in such a sweet, rapt +meditation--such a blissful, dreamy, musing fit--when that Clara brought +me right down out of the I don't know how manyeth heaven, by saying-- + +"And where's your string?" + +I had not thought of that, and it was a puzzle. I had plenty of crochet +cotton, and bobbin, and Berlin wool; but then, they were none of them +strong enough. Time to buy any there was none; for he was coming that +night loaded with his dear ladder; while if I tried to get any from the +kitchen, some one would be sure to ask what it was wanted for, then what +could I say? And, besides, I had told so many dreadful stories already, +and prevaricated so much, that I was quite ashamed. + +The first thing I determined upon was to make a long plait of my +coloured wools; but I soon found that there would not be one quarter +enough; then I thought of the girls' slate strings, which held the +sponges, and determined to make a raid into the schoolroom and cut them +all off, though I felt sure they would not be enough. If I could only +have gone out and bought a ball, or sent James, it would have been all +right; but that was impossible without first asking Mrs Blunt. Only +the week before, a stupid boy's kite came flapping over into the garden, +with no end of string, which I might have cut off with my scissors; but +I never imagined then that I should want any. + +However, I did what I generally do when I want to think deeply, I took +some eau de Cologne and bathed my temples, and then sat down before the +glass, with my hair all thrown back, and my head resting upon my hand, +trying to solve the problem, and wondering what Achille could see in me +to like; while just then I remember wondering what had become of poor +Mr Saint Purre. + +What was I to do? that was the question. I might have cut ever so many +strings off my clothes, but then I was sure they would not make half +enough; and, after boring my poor brains all sorts of ways, I was quite +in despair--for it did seem too bad to be put off by such a beggarly +little trifle as a bit of string, when two or three of those little, +cheating penny balls, that are made so big by winding a very little +string round a very big hole would have set me up for good. I wanted +Clara to smuggle the clothes line from the laundry, which would have +done admirably; but the nasty thing would not, and tried to make fun of +it all by declaring that it was in use; and she would not stir a peg. I +could not go myself to see if what she said was true--at least, I dare +not; and, there, if it was not tea-time, and we should be rung down in a +few minutes. Once I thought of tearing up something into long shreds, +and tying them together; and it seemed at last that that would be the +plan, and I should have put it into execution, if all at once I had not +had a bright thought flash through my head, and felt disposed to call +out "Excelsior?" like mamma did when she saw Mrs Blunt's horrid +advertisement, and meant "Eureka" all the time. + +And what do you think the happy thought was? Why, the lumber-room, +where the girls' school boxes were put, along with their cords; and I +was just going to hurry off and collect a number, when clatter went the +tea-bell, and we were obliged to go down. + +I could not eat any of their odious bread and butter--thick and patchy-- +while the tea was as weak as weak. I declare I was so nervous that I +never felt the place to be so vexatious before; and for the least +provocation I should have burst out crying. I couldn't help there being +nothing to cry about--all I know is, that I felt in a regular crying +fit; and the more of the nasty, mawkish warm tea I drank, the worse I +was, for it all seemed changed into tears directly, and to be flooding +my head; when, if it had been proper tea, of course my poor nerves would +have been solaced. + +Clara saw how put out I was, and kept treading on my foot, wanting me to +look at Mrs Blunt's front, which was all put on sideways; but I declare +I could not have laughed if she had put it on backwards. Then that +stupid Miss Sloman must go, seeing that I did not eat anything, and tell +Mrs Blunt; and, of course, when she asked me, I was obliged to say I +was not quite well, when the tiresome old thing must promise to send for +Dr Boole if I were not better in the morning. A stupid old thing: she +did not know that a dozen yards of good stout string would have made me +feel quite in ecstasy. + +Bed-time at last; and, as a matter of course, because we wanted her to +go to sleep soon, Patty Smith began to write a letter home for another +cake and a bottle of currant wine; but Miss Furness must come prowling +about and see the light, and she soon put a stop to that; when poor +simple Patty did get such a scolding that she sobbed, and cried, and +boo-ood, and said it was only for a cake she was writing. Then Miss +Furness--a nasty, aggravating old puss--must turn round and scold Clara +and me, as she said, for encouraging her, so as to get part of the cake +ourselves. Couldn't I have given her a shaking, that's all! Why, it +was enough to make anyone feel vicious. + +At last, we lay there, listening to the different noises dying out in +the house; and I could do nothing but cry for poor Achille's +disappointment--for the way to the lumber-room was through the one in +which the cook slept, and of course it was impossible to get any cord; +and I dare not throw a note out of the window to Achille, for fear that +he might not find it in the dark, and if it fell into wrong hands all +would have been made known. So there I lay, crying for some time, till +the noises in the house one by one died out, and all was still, when I +pictured poor Achille watching and waiting, and accusing me of perfidy +and cruelty, for making him come and then disappointing him--for he +never would imagine that I had been stopped for want of a piece of +string. Then came the sound of an owl, hooting and screeching as if in +contempt of me for going to bed; and I declare, at last, I was about to +creep away to the empty room, and add to the poor fellow's +disappointment by opening the window and whispering to him--though I'm +sure he could not have heard; when a strong feeling of stupor seemed to +creep over me--a feeling that I could not fight against--while soon all +was, as it were, a blank. + +The next morning when I talked about it to Clara, she said it showed how +much I cared for him to fall asleep. Just as if it was sleep, and I did +not know the difference. But there, she always was so absurd! And poor +Achille was disappointed, and we had to make another assignation. + + +CHAPTER FIFTEEN. + +MEMORY THE FIFTEENTH--'TWIXT CUP AND LIP. + +Night again; and Achille--poor faithful, charitable, patient Achille--to +be there once more watching in the dark that one blank window, that he +hoped to see open. I could analyse his feelings as well, perhaps, as he +could mine; and how I did pity him for his many disappointments! For +nights and nights had passed without the rope ladder having been made +available. Still, though, we were hopeful, and thought of others who +had been long and patient sufferers for the same cause; while now, in +the hope of a meeting, we waited once more. All was still within doors, +and everything seemed propitious, for the night was excessively dark. +The last door had shut some time before, and within the house the only +thing stirring must have been a mouse or else, with our strained ears, +as Clara and I lay waiting, dressed in bed, we must have heard it. But +though all was so still in the house, it was not so out of doors. First +of all there was a horrible cat "tuning its lay," as Clara called it; +and then she said its lay was terribly out of tune to want so much +screwing up. Then the dog in the next yard must hear it, and begin to +resent the disturbance, and bark at the cat, till I felt sure that +pauvre Achille would not come, for the noise was dreadful--rest cat, +bark dog; rest dog, howl cat, and so on. There was the chain rattling +in and out of the kennel at a most terrible rate, while the creature +barked furiously till it was tired, without having the slightest effect +upon the cat, or cats, which kept on with the hideous howling, till the +dog, evidently worn out, went to sleep. + +Oh, it was uncomfortable lying there, so hot and tired with the exertion +of dressing under the bed-clothes while lying down, so that Patty Smith +should have no suspicion of what was going on and because we thought her +awake; when, just as we had finished, she must begin to snore in the +most vulgar, horrible way imaginable. + +"That nasty cat is just under our window," I whispered to Clara. "He'll +never come if there's this noise." + +"I'll serve it out," whispered Clara; "only be quiet." + +"What are you going to do?" I said, but she would not answer; and I +heard her get out of bed and go to the washstand, and pour ever so much +water into the basin. + +"Oh, pray don't make any noise, dear. What are you going to do with +that water?" + +"Wait a bit, and you'll see," she whispered, tittering; and then she +went and gently opened the window, when the noise of the nasty cat came +up worse than ever. + +"You had better not throw out that water, dear," I whispered; but she +only giggled, and then I heard the water go down splash on to the gravel +walk, and directly after-- + +"Oh!" exclaimed Clara. As she spoke up came the sounds of the falling +basin, as it struck upon the gravel walk, and was shivered to atoms. +Then came the sound of a hurried step upon the path, the rush of a heavy +body through the shrubbery, all as plain as could be in the still night, +and I knew that Clara had very nearly thrown the basin on poor Achille's +head, and it might have killed him. When as if that was not enough to +frighten him away, there were two windows thrown open on the first +floor, and at one was Miss Furness, ringing a bell and Miss Sloman +screaming, and at the other my Lady Blunt, springing a watchman's +rattle, and making the most horrible din imaginable. + +"Well, I really did not mean to do it, dear," said Clara, as coolly as +could be; "you see, the basin was soapy, and slipped." + +"What did you do it at all for, when you were asked not?" I gasped +angrily; for it was really enough to drive any one out of her senses to +be disappointed like this, time after time. All I hoped was, that poor +Achille had escaped safely, and did not know from which window the +missile came; for, only fancy, he might have thought that I had thrown +it, and never forgiven me. + +You never could have imagined such a disturbance to have proceeded from +so small a cause. There were doors opening and shutting, girls +screaming, bells ringing; and there we all were, at last, trembling and +shaking upon the staircase and landings--all but Patty Smith, who would +not get out of bed. + +"Dere's de police!" exclaimed the Fraulein, all at once; and directly +after we could hear Mrs Blunt and Miss Furness talking to some one out +of their windows; while now there was a profound silence fallen upon the +shivering group, and I shuddered as I recognised the deep-toned voice +out of doors, and knew it to be that of one familiar with the interior +of the grounds. + +"Search the garden thoroughly, policeman," cried Mrs Blunt, from one +window. + +"Who's there?" squealed Miss Furness, loudly. + +"Why, it's me, mum," said the policeman. + +"Oh, yes--I know, my good man," said Miss Furness; "but I mean who was +out there?" + +"I'm going to look, aint I?" growled the man. "But there aint nobody +out here now, even if there was at all. I aint seen anybody in the +road." + +I did feel so glad to hear what he said, for I was all in a shiver lest +my poor boy should be caught. + +"He's gone, mum," said the low fellow, after he had been away about five +minutes. "Aint not a soul 'cept me in the garding. What had he been up +to, mum?" + +"Oh, it was a dreadful noise out there," cried Mrs Blunt, from behind +the curtains. "It sounded like some one smashing in the dining-room +windows. Pray look, policeman." + +All this conversation sounded quite plain to us on the stairs, for Mrs +Blunt's door and window were both open; and then I could hear the +policeman's heavy step on the gravel, crunching and crackling as he trod +on and began kicking about the pieces of Clara's broken basin. + +"Why, here's some one been shying the chayney outer window," said the +policeman. "Here's most half a wash-hand basin and a whole stodge of +bits squandered all over the gravel walk. That's what you heerd, mum. +The window is right enough." + +"It did sound like that," squeaked Miss Furness. + +"And that's what it was, mum, if there was none of this here out afore." + +"Oh, no, my good man," cries Mrs Blunt, getting less fearful and more +dignified every moment--"the paths were quite clear this evening." + +"Then it's some of your young ladies been a havin' a lark," said the low +fellow. + +I turned round to whisper to Clara, but she was gone. Directly after, +though, she slipped back to my side, and I whispered to her, laying my +hand upon her arm-- + +"Had you not better tell? Say that it was an accident." + +"Hold your tongue," she whispered, pinching me. + +Then we shrank into the background, for I was afraid some one would +notice how bulky our dressing-gowns looked; for, of course, we had not +had time to undress again. + +We heard the policeman promise to keep an eye on the place, and to call +in the morning. Then we heard his footsteps on the gravel, and the +pieces of china cracking, windows shut down, and orders for us to go +back to our rooms, as there was nothing to fear; when, as we were +ascending the stairs, Mrs Blunt's nightcapped head was thrust out of +the door, and we heard her exclaim-- + +"I'll investigate this disgraceful trick in the morning, young ladies." + +I trembled for poor Clara--almost as much as I did for Achille; for it +seemed as though the poor girl was always to act as scapegoat; though, +certainly, she really deserved to be in disgrace this time, for I begged +her most earnestly not to throw out the water. + +I would have given Clara half my basin with pleasure, if I could; but +then, that would have been of no service. Judge, then, of my surprise +when, after looking at Patty, fast asleep as if nothing had been the +matter, I turned to Clara's washstand, there was her basin, safe and +sound, and the jug was standing in it! + +As we upon the second floor all had small washstands and jugs and basins +of the same pattern, I thought that, after all, she had taken mine; but +she had not, nor yet Patty's; and as she saw what I was looking at, she +burst out laughing, and said-- + +"I slipped up and into the Fraulein's room, and took hers; and now they +may find out if they can. Of course, you won't tell, darling? Promise +me that." + +I felt so cross that I was ready to say I would; for I was disappointed, +and though the thoughts of the meeting had taken away my appetite, now +that it was not to be, I felt as hungry as possible. But it would have +been cruel to have said anything, so, of course, I promised. + +"Another disappointment for the poor French Verb," whispered Clara, +laughing. + +"For shame," I said, "to speak in so disrespectful a way." + +"But it does not much matter," she said; "for he would have been afraid +to climb up, when he found out really how high it was." + +"Don't talk stuff!" I said; "he would get up if it were twice as high, +for my sake. Why, look how Leander swam the Hellespont." + +"And I say," cried Clara--laughing, and seeming in the highest of glee, +which was too bad--"how cold and shivering he must have been when he got +across. Bo-o-o-h?" she said, shuddering, "what a cold frog of a lover! +I shouldn't have liked that." + +"No," I said, "you have no romance in your composition." + +"Haven't I," she said, "you don't know; but I'm not so head over ears in +love as you are." + +"Perhaps not," I said, spitefully; "because you have no chance." + +"Pooh!" said Clara. "Why, I might have had Achille long before you +came, if I had liked." + +"Perhaps, miss," I exclaimed, with nothing more than reasonable anger, +"the next time you mention that gentleman's name you will prefix the +Monsieur." + +"Certainly, ma'am," said Clara, aggravating me with her mock courtesy. + +"And whatever you do," I said, "if you must tease, tell the truth." + +"That was the truth," she replied. + +"Don't be such a wicked story," I exclaimed. "I don't believe it." + +I could not help thinking, after, that in my childish anger I had made +use of childish language. + +"I don't care what you believe, and what you don't believe," said Clara, +coolly; "and I've got--" + +"If you young ladies are not silent this minute," said Miss Furness, +outside the door, "I shall be compelled to summon Mrs de Blount." + +As I lay wondering whether she had heard anything of our conversation, +and what it was that Clara had got, and whether it was a letter Achille +had sent her before I came, which I did not believe, and did not much +care if he had, for he had not seen me then--Miss Furness stood +listening at the door, while Clara would not answer my whispered +questions, pretending to be offended; and I believe I heard Miss Furness +sniff out in the cold passage just as I dropped off to sleep. + + +CHAPTER SIXTEEN. + +MEMORY THE SIXTEENTH--PANGS. + +I meant in the last chapter to have told a great deal more; but so many +of my troubles and misadventures kept creeping in, that I did not get in +one-half of what I intended. What pains I took to gain an interview-- +or, rather, to grant the poor fellow an interview, though it would have +been to me the reaching of a green oasis in my journey across life's +desert, when, for a short time, the gentle palm branches would have +waved, as it were, in gentle motion above our heads, while our cheeks +would have been fanned by the gentle breath of love. + +Of course there was a terrible to do about the basin in the morning, but +it so happened, luckily, that the cat was not beneath our window, but +beyond the Fraulein's; so that in trying to reach it, Clara had thrown +the basin for some distance, and right past our neighbour's window. The +Fraulein declared that she had never opened hers; and, poor woman, she +opened her mouth into quite a round O when told that she must have +thrown it out. There was nothing to cast suspicion upon us, for it was +more likely to have been Celia Blang, on the other side of the Fraulein; +and so, at last, the matter dropped, and we heard no more of it then. + +But I had such a delightful treat two days after; for while we were +going down the High Street, Miss Furness must turn faint, and have to be +helped into the first house at hand, to sit down and rest, and that was +Mrs Jackney's, the milliner's; and there we were, four or five of us at +once, in the little parlour--dear Achille's "apartment meublee," as he +called it. He was from home, giving lessons somewhere, no doubt; but +while they were bathing Miss Furness's face, and giving her sniffs of +salts, and glasses of water to drink, I had such a look round the place, +and saw his dear old boots in one corner--the pair, I was sure, he must +put on for ease and comfort of a night; and I was so glad to see them, +for, if, instead, I had caught sight of a nice, handsomely worked pair +of slippers, they would have given me quite a pang. Now I felt that the +task--no, the pleasure--was left for me. + +Then there was a dear, duck of an old coat hanging behind the door; and +such nice, funny little holes in the elbows, where he had rested his +arms upon the table while he studied; and there was his pipe, and two +bits of cigars, and a few yellow paper-covered books, and one thing +which did, I must own, make me feel a little uncomfortable, a scarlet +and black smoking cap--at least, it had been scarlet once, and had +evidently been made by a lady, and, of course, one would have liked to +have known who was the maker. + +At first, in remembrance of her bitter, teasing words, I thought that it +might have been Clara; but it did not look new enough; for the scarlet +was fast verging upon the black, and, no doubt, in a short time it would +have been impossible to make out the pattern. But I was glad to see it; +for it was a hint that Achille would soon require a new one, and I knew +who would make it. However, I did not much care; and taking advantage +of there being no one looking, I contrived to drop my handkerchief +inside it; but directly after I trembled, and wanted to have it back +again, for there was my name marked upon it in full, in ink, and I was +afraid that his landlady, Mrs Jackney, might see it. + +I had a good look at her, to see whether I need feel jealous, and found, +to my great delight, that I need not; for she was worse in appearance +than Miss Furness, but evidently a very pleasant body; though, all the +same I should not have liked her to find my handkerchief. However, +there was no getting it back; for Miss Furness was now able to sit up, +and I was one of the first to be obliged to leave the room, and stand +agonised in the passage, lest any one should find out what I had done. +But nothing was seen, and I heard afterwards from Achille, in one of his +notes--the best, I think, that he ever wrote to me--how fondly he prized +the treasure; and I mentally declared that it was not a bad way of +laying out the value of a pocket-handkerchief, and that he should soon +have another. + +It was all so horribly unfortunate. If we made an engagement to meet, +something was sure to happen; while, in spite of the time that had now +passed since the poor Signor left, not one short five minutes had poor +Achille and I had together. It was enough to make me ever so fond and +devoted; and though I might be trembling a little in my allegiance at +one time, I was ready to become a martyr now for his sake. But, as I +said before, the very fact of an assignation being made was the signal +for, or precursor of, something to happen; so that, I'm sure, I was +quite in a tremble, a few days after Miss Furness's faint, when Achille +gave me a few lines inside De Porquet, telling me, in a few simple +words, that he was again that night about to try his fortune, when he +hoped I should be able to assist him to benefit the poor exiles, who +were now in a great state of distress. No one, to have found that scrap +of paper, would have imagined that it was anything more than a piece +torn off to act as book-mark, and he gave me the book with it standing +right out, so that Miss Furness could see it quite plainly as he passed +it right under her nose, saying-- + +"I have put a piece of paper where you shall go on, Miss Bozerne." + +When I looked at it there was only hastily scrawled-- + +"Mercredi, une heure," and "the poor suffer want--les pauvres ont +besoin." + +That was all, and it really seemed to be a bit of exercise, and nothing +else. But then, I had the key in my heart, and could read it as he +meant; though truly it was an exercise for me to find means to overtop +all difficulties and meet him. I knew what he meant well enough--just +as well as if he had written four pages, crossed, in his own niggling, +little, scrimply, unintelligible, Frenchy hand. So I sat thinking of +the six box cords tied together and hidden away in the bottom drawer, +underneath my green silk, and tightly locked up to keep them from prying +eyes. + +Well, of course, I told Clara--though I may as well own that I really +should not if I could have helped it. For she was anything but what I +should have liked; and, of course, I did not care to be so teased. And +there was my appetite so spoiled again that I could not eat, and poor me +in such a fidget for the rest of the day, that I did not know what to +do. I slipped upstairs three times to see if the cord was all right, +and the knots tightly tied; and then, the last time, if I did not hear +Miss Furness calling me, and come down in a flurry and leave the key in +the drawer. I turned quite hot all over when I felt for it in my +pocket, and was sure I had lost it somewhere; when if I could not get +some more cord I should be stopped again. All at once I remembered that +the thing must be stuck in the keyhole. So, as soon as the lesson with +Miss Furness was over, I slipped to the back staircase, and was about +halfway up, when I must meet that tiresome, fat, old Fraulein. + +"Vots for you heere, Mees Bozerne?" croaked the tiresome old English +killer. "Young ladies 'ave no beesness upstaer in de afternoon. Go you +down." + +Of course I had to go down again, for I was breaking rules, and ought to +have been at work at private study in the schoolroom till half an hour +before tea-time. + +"It's too bad," I muttered, as I began to descend--"too bad to send me +to a place like this, where one may not even go up to one's bedroom. +I'm sure, I don't feel in the least bit like a school-girl." + +Just then I heard Miss Sloman calling the Fraulein to "Come here, dear!" +They always called one another, "my love," and "dear," in private, +though I'm sure no one could have been more unamiable, or looked more +ready to scratch and call names. So the Fraulein again ordered me to go +down, and then turned back, evidently to go to Miss Sloman: so, seizing +the opportunity, I slipped down into the hall, and began bounding up the +front stairs like lightning, when if I did not literally run up against +Mrs Blunt, and strike her right in the chest with my head, just as she +had come out of her room--for I was not looking, but, with head down, +bounding up two stairs at a time. + +It was a crash! Poor woman, she could not get breath to speak for some +time. But, there, she was not the only one hurt; for that horrible +twisted vulcanite coronet was driven right into my poor head, and pained +me terribly. + +"Ach ten!" cried the Fraulein, who had heard the crash and exclamation +on both sides, and now came waddling up; "I told you go down, ten, Miss +Bozerne, and you come up to knock de lady principal." + +So I was, without a word to say in defence, sent down in the most +dreadful disgrace. But there was some fun in it, after all; for Clara +vowed that the poor woman received such a shock that two of her bones-- +stay bones--were broken, and she nearly swallowed her teeth. But that +Clara always would exaggerate so dreadfully; and, of course, that was +not true. + +I was not going to be threatened with medicine this time because my +appetite was bad, so I kept one slice of bread and butter upon my plate +to bite at, though it was almost enough to choke me; and then I managed +to draw two more slices over the edge of my plate into my lap, where my +pocket-handkerchief was spread all ready; and then I wrapped them up, +when I thought that no one was looking, and put them in my pocket; and +so tea was got over, and I thought what a long time it would be till +midnight. + +We were all standing in the middle of the classroom before getting our +books out for the evening studies, when if Patty Smith did not come up +to me, and, without waiting to see whether I would or not, exclaimed-- + +"Lend me your handkerchief, Laura, dear--I won't keep it a moment!" + +Seizing one end, which stuck out of my pocket, she gave it a snatch, +when away it flew, and one piece of bread and butter was slung across +the room, and struck Miss Furness in the face; while the other went flop +up against the window behind her, stuck upon the pane for a moment, and +then fell--leaving a buttery mark where it had been, as a matter of +course. I declare I never felt so much ashamed in my life; while there +were all the girls tittering and giggling, and Miss Furness wiping her +face and scolding terribly about my dreadfully unladylike behaviour, +though nothing could have been more humiliating than what followed, for +I'm sure I wished there was not such a thing as a piece of bread and +butter upon the face of the earth; for said Miss Furness-- + +"And now, Miss Bozerne, come and pick up those pieces." + +I would have given anything to have been able to refuse; but what could +I do? I do not see how I could have helped it, for I really felt +obliged; and there I was kneeling down, humbled and penitent, to pick it +up; and there were the tiresome, buttery pieces, all broken up into +crumbs here and crumbs there, all over the place. + +"For your sake, Achille?" I murmured to myself; and that made me bear +it until I had picked up all I could, and held the scraps upon a piece +of exercise paper, wondering what I had better do with them. + +"You had better wipe the butter off that window with your handkerchief, +Miss Bozerne," said Miss Furness, stiffly. "Oh! and it's of no use for +you to make up those indignant grimaces, and look like that, Miss +Bozerne," she continued, in her nasty, vinegary way. "If young ladies +are so forgetful of decorum, and cannot be content with a fair share of +food at the tea table, but must gluttonously stoop to steal pieces off +the plate to devour at abnormal times, they must expect to be spoken +to." + +Just as if I had taken the horrid stuff to eat, when so great was my +agitation that I could partake of nothing. So there I was, with my face +and neck burning in a most "abnormal" way, as Miss Furness would have +called it, wiping and smearing the butter about over the pane of glass, +and hardly seeing what I was doing for the tears; when there was that +Patty Smith staring at me with her great saucer eyes, and her mouth made +round and open, as if it had been another eye, and Clara the whole time +enjoying it all, and laughing at my discomfort. It was really much too +bad, for it was all her fault: the wicked, mischievous, impish creature +had seen me put the pieces of bread and butter into my pocket, and had +actually set Patty to snatch the handkerchief out. + +"The plan succeeded beyond my expectations, darling," she exclaimed +afterwards, when we were alone; and I did not slap her--which, without +boasting, must, I think, show how forgiving a spirit I possess. + +But, to return to the scene in the room. When I had finished smearing +the window with my pretty little cambric handkerchief, I threw open the +sash, and was going to fling out the little pieces of bread-crumbs for +the poor little birds-- + +"Miss Bozerne!" exclaimed Miss Furness, "what are you about?" + +"Going to give the crumbs to the birds, ma'am," I said, humbly. + +"Oh, dear me, no," exclaimed the old puss, seizing upon what she +considered a good opportunity for making an example of me, and giving a +lesson to the other girls--for that seemed one of the aims of her life: +to make lessons out of everything she said or did, till she was a +perfect nuisance. "Oh, dear me, no--such waste cannot be allowed. Go +and put the fragments upon one of the plates, which James or the cook +will give you, and ask her to save them for your breakfast." + +I could have cried with vexation; but I did not, though it was very, +very, very hard work to keep the tears back. + +"Oh, Achille! Achille!" I murmured again, "c'est pour toi!" + +I walked out, like a martyr, bearing the pieces, with bent-down eyes, +and gave them to the cook, telling her she was to throw them to the +chickens. For I would not have given Miss Furness's message if she had +stood behind me. + +Oh, yes, it was nice fun for the other girls, and dearly they used to +enjoy seeing me humbled, because I always was rather distant, and would +not make confidantes of ever so many; and when I went back, there they +were upon the giggle, and Miss Furness not trying to check them one bit, +as she would have done upon another occasion--which shows how partial +and unjust she could be when she liked. But I soon forgot it all, +engrossed as I was with the idea of what was coming that night. As to +my next day's lessons, after sitting before them for an hour, I believe +that I knew less about them than when I took out my books; for right up +at the top of one of the panes in the buttery window there was a spider +spinning its net, and that set me thinking about poor Achille hanging in +a web, and the four old lesson grinders being spiders to devour him. +For there was the nasty creepy thing hanging by one of its strings ever +so far down, and that made me think about the coming night and the rope +ladder, till I could, in my overwrought fancy, imagine I saw poor +Achille bobbing and swinging about, and ready to go through one of the +window-panes every moment. Sometimes the very thought of it made my +face burn, and my hands turn hot and damp as could be inside, just as +they felt when one had shaken hands with Miss Furness, whose palm, in +feel, was for all the world like the tail of a cod-fish. + +Sometimes during that evening I felt in misery, and, I believe, all +owing to that spider, and thinking of the danger of the feat to perform +which I had lured poor Achille. I would have given anything to have +been able to beg of him not to attempt it. + +"Poor fly," I thought--"poor, beautiful, fluttering, brightly painted +fly; and have I been the means of weaving a net to lure thee to +destruction? Oh, wretch that I am!" + +And so I went on for some time, just as people do in books when they are +very bad in their emotions; and that is one advantage in reading, only +emotions are so much more eloquent than they would be, say, in an +ignorant, unlettered person; and really, be it pleasure or pain, it is +as well to be refined and make a grand display; for it is so much more +satisfactory, even if the audience consists of self alone. At times, +though, I was so elated that I could feel my eyes flash and sparkle with +the thoughts that rushed through my brain; when, as if reading my heart, +Clara would creep close, and nip my arm, and keep on whispering-- + +"I'll tell--I'll tell." + + +CHAPTER SEVENTEEN. + +MEMORY THE SEVENTEENTH--IN DREADFUL DARING. + +Bed-time at last, and me there, close shut up in our own room; but not +before I had run to the end of the passage and tried the end door to see +if it was open; and it was--it was! Clara was, after all said and done, +nearly as much excited as poor I; and once she sighed, and said that she +could almost have wished for the poor Signor to have been there, but I +did not tell her I was very glad that he would not be. Then Miss Patty +must want to know what we were whispering about, and declare that she +would tell Miss Furness, for we were making fun of her; and turn huffy +and cross, till she got into bed, and then lie staring with wide-open +eyes at the window, just because we wanted her to go to sleep. + +"Ma's going to send me a cake on Toosday," she said at last, after I had +kissed and told her we were not laughing at her; and I must do her the +credit of saying that she always was a most good-tempered creature, and +never out of humour for long together. "And when my cake comes," she +continued, after five minutes' thought, "I'll spend fourpence in ginger +beer, if you will each spend the same, and we'll have a supper." + +"I do wish you would go to sleep, instead of keeping on bothering," +cried Clara. + +"I dare say you do, Miss Consequence," said Patty; "but I shall go to +sleep when I like." + +And then, if she did not lie awake until nearly twelve, though we +pretended to be both fast asleep, and would not answer any of her +foolish, chattering questions, when, as usual, she began to snore; and +after waiting until I felt quite sure that she was asleep, I jumped out +of bed, and began to dress myself as quickly and quietly as possible. +As soon as I had finished and then lain down once more, Clara got up +too, and followed my example, even to the lying down again when she had +finished; for it was too soon to go yet, and we both felt that it would +be safer the nearer we were to the middle of the night; and of course +one felt determined to do nothing this time to frustrate one's designs. + +We had tried more than once dressing in bed under the clothes, and, of +course, lying down; but that really is such terribly hard work, as any +one will find upon testing it, that we both soon gave it up, and waited +till we felt sure of Patty being sound asleep; and she really was the +heaviest sleeper I ever knew. So we both dressed in the dark; and that +is bad enough, I can assure you--dreadfully awkward, for one gets one's +strings so crossed, and tied wrong, and in knots, and muddled about, +till one is horribly uncomfortable, besides being twice as long as at +any other time. + +At last, I whispered to Clara that it was time to go, but there was no +answer; and on getting off the bed and touching her, she quite started. +For she had been asleep, and when I reproached her-- + +"Well, of course," she said, peevishly; "it's sleeping time, is it not?" + +But she roused up directly after, and stood by my side, as I went down +upon my knees by the bottom drawer, and tried to pull it out very +gently, without making any noise, so as to get at the cord. For the key +was in it all right when I came up, and I thought that I would leave it +there, though I was all in a fidget for fear any one had been in and +looked and seen the cord, while Patty was so curious that I dare not +look to see; though if any one had taken it away, what should I have +done? + +"Cree-ea-ea-ea-eak," went the drawer as soon as I pulled it, after the +lock had shot back with a loud noise like a small pistol; and at this +dreadful sound I stopped and turned cold all down my back; for I felt +sure that the Fraulein would hear it. So there I knelt upon the floor, +trembling like a leaf, and not daring to move; for Clara cried "Hush!" +very loudly, and I'm sure I did not know what would come next. In fact, +I almost expected to see the bedroom door open, and the Fraulein +standing there. + +"You should have put some soap upon it," whispered Clara. + +"Yes, same as you did upon the basin," I said, viciously, and that +silenced her; though I believe the mischievous thing was chuckling to +herself all the while. + +At last, after five minutes had passed, which seemed like as many hours, +everything was quite still, so I gave the drawer another pull. + +"Craw-aw-aw-aw-awk," it went, louder than before, and as if on purpose +to annoy me; but I was so desperate that I gave the thing a horrible +snatch, and pulled it out far enough, when I pushed in my hand and drew +out the cord, hardly expecting to find it; but there it was, all right, +and holding it tightly, I still knelt there trembling. + +"Er-tchisher--er-tchisher," came now, as loudly as possible, from Patty +Smith's bed; and then we heard the tiresome thing turn on one side. + +We waited a little, and then I rose, and stood close to the door, +waiting for Clara to join me; when if the stupid thing did not forget +all about my open drawer, which I dare not attempt to close, and went +blundering over it, making such a dreadful noise, that I rushed into bed +and covered myself up; and, from the scuffling noise, I knew that she +had done the same, for it was too dark to see. + +"Oh, my shins!" said Clara, in a whisper. + +Then I could hear her rubbing and laughing, not that I could see +anything to laugh at; while if the Fraulein did not tap at the wall +because we were so noisy, and with disappointment gnawing me, I knew +that we must not stir for at least another half-hour, when it was quite +late enough as it was. + +"Oh, what a comfort it is that Patty is such a sleeper!" I thought to +myself. And there I lay--wait, wait, wait, until I felt that we dared +move, when I again cautiously slipped to the door, and, as I had taken +the precaution of rubbing it well with pomatum, the lock went easy. +Clara joined me, and then, drawing the door after us, we glided along +the passage, hand in hand, listening at every step until we reached the +end, where the empty room door was ajar, just as I had left it when we +came up to bed. Then we slipped in so quietly that we hardly heard +ourselves, and, pushing-to the door, I tried to secure it, but it would +not fasten without making a noise; so, as we were right away from the +other rooms, I left it, and went across and tried the window. + +The hasp went rather hard, but I soon had it gliding up; and then I +stood looking out into the dark night, and listening, till I heard a +little soft cough from below, which I answered; when my heart began to +beat very fast, for I knew that, after all, we were not too late, and he +was there. + +But there was no time to lose, and, as fast as I could, I undid the +nasty tangley cord, which would keep getting itself in knots, and +rustling about upon the floor, like a great, long, coiling snake. But I +managed at last to have it hanging down, and began fishing about, like I +used at Teddington, with papa, till I got a bite; for, after a bit, I +felt it softly tugged at--just like the eels under the fishing punt-- +then it went jig, jig, two or three times, as it was shaken about, and +then there was a long jerk, and a soft cough, as if for a signal; and I +began to pull up something which grew heavier every moment. + +It seemed very long, and I could have fancied that I had pulled all the +cord in twice over; but more still kept coming, and I must have had it +all close to the window, when Clara suddenly cried "Oh!" when, of +course, I started and let go, and down it all went with a rush in +amongst the carnations at the bottom. + +"Oh, his poor head?" I thought, as I turned sharply round; when, what a +task I did have to keep from shrieking!--for there, dimly seen in the +open doorway, stood a figure in white, staring at us in the most +dreadful way imaginable. There was something so still, and tall, and +ghastly about the figure, seen there in the gloom, that I could not +stir, neither could poor Clara, as we held tightly by one another while +the thing glided softly into the room, closed the door, and stood there +staring. + +If I could only have sunk through the floor, I would not have cared. +One moment I thought of rushing into one of the empty beds in the room; +but I restrained myself, because there were no clothes upon them in +which to bury oneself. The next moment I was for jumping out of the +window to Achille; but it was too far; and we neither of us dared to go +into hysterics and scream for help. So that we stood, frightened to +death, till Clara sank down at my feet and buried her face in my lap, +while I stood staring at the figure, which now came closer and closer as +I walked away, Clara shuffling upon her knees to keep up to me. + +For a moment I thought that it might have been a teacher _en +deshabille_; but the horrible silence soon showed that it was not. And +at last, when I felt that I could bear no more, but must scream, having +been walked right up to the wall by the hideous thing, it spoke, and the +words seemed to act upon us both like magic, sending the blood coursing +through our veins, making our hearts throb, and a warm glow to return +where a moment before all was frozen and chilling; for just as I was +sinking--feeling myself gliding slowly down upon kneeling Clara--I +started up, for it said, in a loud, thrilling whisper-- + +"What are you two a-doing of?" + +Then it sneezed. + +Of course it was Patty Smith, who had pretended to be asleep, and +watched all the time, following us along the passage, and thoroughly +upsetting all one's plans again. She could see plainly enough that we +had the window open, and knew pretty well what was taking place; so we +had to make a virtue of necessity, and tell her, in as few words as +possible, all about it. Not that I think she would have told tales, +even if we had not enlightened her; but we knew she would watch us, and +find out for herself; so upon the principle of its being better to make +a friend than an enemy, she was told all. + +"Won't you make your cold worse, dear?" said Clara. "You are not +dressed." + +"I don't care," said the stupid thing; and then she stopped, while I +went to the window again; and though I had lost my string, and knew that +it was of no use to try any more that night, I gave a gentle cough and +then waited a moment. I was about to cough again, but Patty, who was +close behind me, sneezed once more loudly; and at last, after waiting a +few minutes and coughing again and again, Clara and Patty both grumbled +so about the cold that I was obliged reluctantly to close the window. +After waiting for awhile, we one by one stole back to the bedroom, where +Patty declared that it was such good fun, and that she would go with us +next time--just as if we wanted her; while poor I laid my cheek upon my +pillow, disappointed, disconsolate, and upset to such a degree that I +could do nothing else but have a good quiet cry for I don't know how +long; but I know how wet my pillow grew, so that at last I was obliged +to turn it before I could get to sleep. + +And what was the use of going to sleep, to be in such trouble that I did +not know what to do--dreams, dreams, dreams, and all of such a horrible +kind! Now it was Achille in danger, now it was the white figure coming +in at the door, and one moment Patty Smith, and then changing into Mrs +Blunt and Miss Furness, Miss Sloman and the Fraulein; while, last of +all, if it was not mamma, looking dreadfully cross, and then scolding me +for my bad behaviour. Oh, it was terrible! And I don't think that I +ever before passed such a night. + + +CHAPTER EIGHTEEN. + +MEMORY THE EIGHTEENTH--IN TERRIBLE SUSPENSE. + +My spirits rose a little after breakfast the next morning, though I only +smiled sadly as I thought of my many disappointments; but we had had a +long talk with Patty, and she had faithfully promised never, upon any +consideration, to divulge one of our secrets. Of course I did not like +making another confidante; but, under the circumstances, what could one +do? + +"Ah!" said Patty; "but it was a great shame that you did not tell me +before." + +"Why, we should have told you," said Clara--a wicked storyteller--"only +you do sleep so soundly, dear." + +Though, after all, perhaps that was nearly the truth; for, if she had +not slept so soundly, we should have been obliged to let her into our +secrets sooner. + +This satisfied her, but it did not satisfy me; for the stupid creature +must go about looking so knowing, and cunning, and deep, and laugh and +leer at Clara, and nod and wink at me, all day long, till it was +dreadfully aggravating, and enough to make anybody suspicious; and I +almost wonder that one of the watchful dragons did not have something to +say about it. + +"Why, we shall be obliged to have her in the room all the time," I said +to Clara, as I was thinking of my next interview with Achille; that is, +if I ever was to have another. + +"Never mind, dear," replied Clara; "it cannot matter much. She is very +stupid, and I daresay that I can keep her in order." + +I contrived to let Achille know all when he came the next day, and gave +him to understand that he might try again upon any night he liked; for +the last was only a false alarm, and all would have gone well had I but +only held tightly by the cord. I gave him the information, written in +French, at the top of my exercise, while Miss Furness was in the room, +when if he had not the audacity to call me up to his elbow--for he had +seen it all in an instant--and if he did not point out and mark two or +three mistakes in the note I had scribbled so hastily at the top about +the last meeting. However, I suppose he wished me to speak his own +language correctly; and none but the brave deserve the fair. + +There was one thing, though, in our correspondence which I did not +like--poor Achille never could take any interest in our English poets; +so that, if one quoted a bit of Byron or Moore to him, it was good for +nothing, while he, the tiresome man, was always filling up his notes +with scraps of Moliere, and I am sure I always praised them, and said +that they were very beautiful. + +And now once more came the night for meeting, with all its +heart-throbbing flurry and excitement; but this time, apparently, +without any of the terrible contretemps that had previously troubled us. +Patty was in high glee, and sat on the edge of her bedstead, munching +an Abernethy biscuit, and grinning; while her great eyes, instead of +half closing, like anybody else's would when they were laughing, became +more round and wide open than ever. It seemed to be capital fun to her, +and over and over again, when I glanced at her, she was giggling and +laughing; and I do believe that, if I had not been there, she would have +got up and danced about the room. + +But it was time to start at last, and upon this occasion I had no noisy +drawer to open, for I had a ball of new, stout string in my pocket. So, +one at a time, we glided along the passage, Clara going first, Patty +second, and I followed behind, to close our door as quietly as was +possible. + +"Pat, pat, pat," and, with a gentle rustle, we passed along the passage, +and stood at last in the little end room, while I am sure that no one +could have heard our footsteps. + +Clara made one effort to get rid of Patty before we started, but it was +of no avail. + +"Arn't you afraid of catching a worse cold?" she said; "hadn't you +better stay in the bedroom, dear?" + +For really she had a most miserable cold, and her eyes and nose looked +as red as red. + +"I sha'n't catch any more cold than you will," she cried, just as she +had once before upon a similar occasion--"I want to see all the fun." + +Fancy calling it fun! + +So we were obliged to suffer her presence; but I am afraid that I was +uncharitable enough to wish that she might catch a bad sore throat for +her pains, or else something that would keep her from coming again. + +However, there we all were; and as soon as ever we were all in the +little room, I secured the door with a fork that I had brought for the +purpose, and then, pulling out my string, I unfastened the window, when, +fortunately, it glided up beautifully. + +Clara was the first to look out, and it not being a dark night, she +popped in again directly, saying in a whisper-- + +"There he is. I can see him." + +"Let me look," cried Patty Smith, quite out loud; and then, when her +head was out of the window, if she did not give quite a loud cough, in +not only a most indiscreet way, but, really, one that was most +reprehensible. + +I pulled her back as quickly as I could, and, in a whisper, gave her a +good scolding. Then I tied my scissors to the end of the string, to +make it go down quickly, and swinging them over the great ledge, I +looked down; but I could not see poor Achille, for he had come close up +to the house, and was, of course, out of sight beneath the cornice. + +"But I shall see him soon," I said to myself; and went on letting down +the scissors till the string felt slack, and I knew that they touched +the ground, when, just as before, I felt the string seized and jerked +about, as if being attached to something; and well I knew what, though a +half-fear took hold upon me now lest it should break the string, which +was not so strong as I could have wished. + +But now there was the signal; and I began to pull up the heavy rope +ladder, cutting my poor little fingers with the string. At first it +came up pretty quickly, but soon slower, for again it began to grow +heavier; and at last, when I made sure that it must be nearly up, if it +must not turn contrary against us, and catch against the cornice, and +remain immovable. + +What was I to do? It was of no use to pull and jerk; for, if we had +pulled any harder, I'm sure that the string must have broken. If it had +not been for Clara, I should have climbed out of the window, and stood +upon the cornice, to set it at liberty, for she could easily have held +my hand, so that I should really have been quite safe. + +But she would not hear of this, and I don't know what I should have done +if I had not thought of lowering the ladder down a little way, and then +trying again, when, to my great delight, up it came, and Clara soon had +hold of a pair of great iron hooks, just the sort of hooks I expected to +see; and on fixing them upon the sill, my side, we found that they +fitted beautifully; so I threw myself upon them to hold them in their +places, lest they should slip. + +Just after that there was a sharp rustle of the rope, and then it was +pulled tight; while now, making Clara hold one hook and Patty the other, +I strained out as far as I could reach, so that I could see Achille +mounting, slowly ascending, the dangerous thing; and, although we all +held on as tightly as we could, when he was about a dozen feet from the +ground the tiresome rope began to twist and spin round and round, so +that the poor fellow was twisting just as if he was being roasted, and +I'm sure he must have been as giddy as giddy. + +Fortunately for him, he did not always go the same way round, but +twisted back again, or else he must have dropped off. It was not as if +he had been close up to the house, for then he could have touched the +wall and stopped himself; but the cornice, which was a good width, kept +him away, so that he swung clear. And perhaps, after all, it was quite +as well, for he might else have gone right through one of the windows. + +It was very shuddery and dreadful; but we poor girls could do nothing +but grasp the rope and hold our breath, and, as Clara said, hold our +tongues; though Patty would keep letting go, and staring out of the +window when she was not wanted to. + +"Won't I tease him about this," she said. "Only see, the first time he +finds fault with my exercises." + +"Hush! you foolish child," I exclaimed. "Good gracious me! you must +never say a word to him about it, under any consideration." + +"Mustn't I?" said Patty, as innocently as could be. + +"No, of course not," cried Clara; "that would ruin everything." + +For I was now reaching as far as could be out of the window, to see what +poor Achille was about; for the rope seemed to be doing nothing, and did +not jerk as if he was getting higher and higher. And then, oh, dear! if +I could not just see one of his feet where his head was last time I +looked; for he was sitting upon the sill of the first floor window--the +best bedroom, which was, of course, empty--and, I suppose, resting +himself. + +All at once, though, I heard him whisper-- + +"Is de ting sauf?" + +"Yes, yes," I whispered in reply. + +And then the rope crunched upon the cornice, as if he had again +committed to it his weight, when I drew in my head and waited, +trembling, for him to reach the window; and it did seem such a long time +to come so short a distance; but, as he told me afterwards, the loops +would keep slipping away when he wanted to put his feet in them, besides +the rope spinning him round until he was giddy. At last I looked out +again, and then drew back my head in agony; for if he was not hanging by +one leg, head downwards, just like my poor Dick, the canary, did in +London, when it caught its claw in the wire of the cage and could not +get loose. + +As I said, I drew in my head, quite in an agony of fear; but the rope +jerked about so that I was obliged to gaze once more, and then I +ejaculated, quite loudly-- + +"Oh, Achille!" + +"Eh, yais, oui," he exclaimed. "I 'ave put in mine's foot." + +"In what--in what, mon cher?" I whispered. + +"Oh," he gasped, in a thick voice, "mais je suis giddy. I 'ave puts my +foot trou de loops, and cannot get him back." + +"Oh, pray come in!" cried Clara, who had heard every word, and seemed +quite horrified--"pray come in and shut the window. Let's go away." + +"Oh, nonsense," I said, "he will be hung: he will die! His head is +hanging down, and his leg sticking up in the rope. He has slipped. +Whatever shall we do?" + +"Why don't you cut the rope?" said Patty; but of course no one took any +notice of her. + +"Let's unhook the things," whispered Clara, "and then drop him down into +the laurustinus." + +"Oh, how can you be so stupid!" I panted. "It would kill him: he's +right above the first floor window-sill." + +"Well, but we can't shut the window with those things there," said +Clara; "and it will not do to be found out." + +I looked again, and there he still was twirling round just as if he was +being roasted, and the rope shaking so that I thought it must break. I +kept whispering to him, but he did not hear me; and just dim and +indistinctly as he was seen, I could make out that he was trying to +double himself up and get his hands to the rope. + +I never, I'm sure, felt anything so dreadful before in my life as those +few moments when he was struggling there, and me unable to help him; +for, in addition to the horror, there was the pricking of my conscience, +as it told me that this was all my fault, and that if he was killed I +should have murdered him. Which was very dreadful, you know, when that +last affair of the cistern, which he escaped from with a fearful +drenching, ought to have been a warning to me to have spared him from +running any more risks on my behalf. + +I declare that I should have tried to slide down the rope to help him, +or else to share his fate, if Clara had not restrained me once more; but +she kept tightly hold of my waist, till there came up a sound like the +gnashing together of teeth, the rope gave a terrible shake, and the iron +hooks fell jingling upon the floor. + +There was a crashing and rustling of leaves and branches, as if a heavy +body had fallen amongst trees, and then all was still, except for a deep +groan--a French groan--which came up, thrilling us all horribly; for the +rope had come unfastened, and had slipped through the round rings of the +hooks. + +We all stood aghast for a few minutes; but at last I summoned up courage +enough to lean out, and whisper loudly-- + +"Achille! mon ami Achille!" when, as if in answer, came a most doleful +"H-ooo, o-o-o, ho-o-o-o!" which made one's very blood run cold. + +"That's only an owl," said Clara, the next minute. + +"A howl!" said Patty; "that it wasn't, it was a groan, just the same as +the pigs give when they're dying in our slaughter-house at home." + +I leaned out of the window as far as I could, once more, and was trying +to pierce the darkness below, when all at once I heard a window to the +right opening very gently, and squeaking as it ran up, and that window, +I felt sure, was the lady principal's; so, recollecting the night of the +alarm from Clara's basin--agonised though I was--I felt obliged to close +ours quietly, pick up the two hooks, and then we all three glided back +to our room--my heart chiding me the while for forsaking poor Achille in +such a time of dire distress. But what could I do? To stay or to raise +an alarm was to be found out, and perhaps--ay, perhaps!--poor fellow, he +was not hurt, after all. + +It was just as well that we did slip back, for we had hardly closed the +door before the alarm bell on the top of the house began to ring, and we +heard the Fraulein spring out of bed with a regular bump upon the floor. + +We were not many seconds scuffling into bed; and, just as we lay down, +we heard the Fraulein's door open, and then there were voices talking +and a good deal of buzzing about, for quite half an hour. But we +thought it better not to go out; for, when Clara took a peep, Miss +Furness was hunting several of the girls back into their rooms with-- + +"Nothing the matter, young ladies. Back to your dormitories." + +So we lay quite still, and listened; while I essayed to allay my +horrible fears about poor Achille, and tried to fancy that every sigh of +the wind among the branches was him stealing--no, I won't say stealing, +it looks so bad--hurrying away. Then we heard the Fraulein come in, and +her bed creak loudly as she lay down; and once more all was quiet, and I +felt sure that they could not have seen or heard anything, but I dared +not get up once more to see. Clara said she was sure she heard Mrs +Blunt talking to the policeman out of the window again. Perhaps she +did, but I did not; though it was most likely, after the ringing of the +alarm bell. + +"What are you sobbing for?" said Clara, all at once. + +"Oh, I know he's killed," I said. + +"Pooh, nonsense," she replied, in her unfeeling way, "he only went plop +among the bushes; and they say exiles always manage to fall on their +feet when they come to England, just like cats. He is not hurt, unless +he has scratched that beautiful face of his a little bit." + +"Then you don't think he is killed, dear?" I said, seeking for comfort, +alas! where I was but little likely to find it, I'm sorry to say. + +"Not I," said Clara; "it was not far enough to fall." + +"I sha'n't go no more," drawled Patty; "it ain't half such fun as I +thought it was. Why didn't he come right up?" + +"Don't be such a goose!" cried Clara to the noodle. "Why, didn't he get +his leg caught, and then didn't the rope give way?" + +"I'm sure I dunno," said Patty, yawning; and then, in spite of all the +trouble, we all dropped off fast asleep. + + +CHAPTER NINETEEN. + +MEMORY THE NINETEENTH--OUR NEW GUARDIAN. + +For a few moments after I woke I could not make out what made me feel so +heavy and dull. Of course, it was partly owing to their ringing that +stupid bell down in the hall so early, for fear we should have a morsel +too much sleep; but all at once, as upon other occasions, I remembered +about the previous night and poor Achille; when, of course, the first +thing I did was to rush to the window and throw it up, to try and catch +a glimpse of the scene of the last night's peril, when the first thing +my eyes rested upon was that horrid Miss Furness taking her +constitutional, and, of course, as soon as she saw me she must shake her +finger angrily, because I appeared at the window with my hair all +tumbled. I never saw anything like that woman. I always did compare +her to an old puss, for she seemed as if she could do without sleep, and +always got up at such unnatural hours in the morning, even when the +weather was cold and dark, and wet, when it seemed her delight to go out +splashing and puddling about in her goloshes; and somehow, or another, +she never seemed to catch cold as anybody else would if she had acted in +the same way. It must have cost her half her salary for green silk +umbrellas; for James generally managed to spoil every one's umbrella +when they were given him to dry, and Miss Furness never would use any +but the neatest and most genteel-looking parapluies, being the only +thing in which she displayed good taste. + +Of course I had a good look out as soon as I was quite ready to go down, +when I could see that the flower bed was a great deal trampled, one of +the bushes was quite crushed, so that I knew there would be a terrible +to do about it as soon as it was noticed. + +"Well, is he there?" said Clara, "or is it only his pieces? Do make +haste down, and run and secure his heart, before they pick it up, and +put it on a barrow to wheel away." + +"La!" said wide-open-mouthed Patty, staring; "he would not break, would +he?" + +"Oh, yes," replied Clara. "French gentlemen are very fickle and +brittle, so I should not at all wonder if he broke." + +"Better break himself than the jam pots," I said, spitefully, when Clara +coloured up terribly, as she always did when the Signor was in any way +alluded to; for though I did not like to hurt her feelings about the jam +when she was shut up, of course, she had not been at liberty long before +she heard all about it I know it was mean on my part to retaliate as I +did, but then she had no business to speak in that way; for it was too +bad to make fun out of such trouble. Then, of course, she must turn +quite huffy and cross, and go down without speaking; for some people +never can bear to be joked themselves, even when their sole delight +consists in tormenting other people. + +I could not but think that poor Achille had escaped unhurt, though at +times I went through the same suffering as I did on the morning after +the discovery in the conservatory;--and really, when one comes to think +of it, it is wonderful that no suspicion ever attached to either Achille +or myself over that dreadful set-out. Breakfast over, I seemed to +revive a little; though I must confess that what roused me more than +anything was Miss Furness finding out that I looked pale and red-eyed, +and saying that she thought I required medicine. + +"For you know, Miss Bozerne, a little foresight is often the means of +arresting a dangerous illness; so I think I shall call Mrs de Blount's +attention to your state." + +"Oh, please, don't, ma'am," I said. "I assure you that I feel +particularly well this morning." + +But she only gave one of her self-satisfied smiles and bows; when in +came the tall footman to say that the gardener wished to speak with +"missus." + +"Missus" was not there, so the footman went elsewhere to find her; but +the very mention of that gardener brought my heart to my mouth, as +people say; though I really wonder whether that is true--I should like +to know. Then I had a fit of trembling, for I made sure that he had +found poor Achille, lying where he had crawled, with all his bones +broken, in some out-of-the way corner of the garden; perhaps, possibly, +to slake his fevered thirst in my favoured spot, close by the ferns, and +the miserable fountain that never played, green and damp beneath the +trees. + +But I could not afford to think; for just then the door was opened, and +Mrs Blunt stood with it ajar, talking to the gardener in the hall, and +of course I wanted to catch what he said; when, just as if out of +aggravation, the girls made a terrible buzzing noise. But I heard +enough to tell me that it was all about the past night, and I caught a +word here and there about bushes broken, and big footsteps, and +trampled, and so on; while, as a conclusion to a conversation which had +roused my spirits by telling me that poor Achille had not been found, +Mrs Blunt placed a terrible damper upon all by saying-- + +"It must have been the policeman, gardener; and he shall be spoken to +respecting being more careful. But for the future we'll have a big dog, +and he shall be let loose in the garden every night." + +I could have rained down tears upon my exercises, and washed out the ink +from the paper, when I heard those words; for in imagination, like some +gladiator of old, in the brutal arena, gazed upon by Roman maids and +matrons, when battling with some fierce wild beast of the forest, I saw +poor Achille struggling with a deep-mouthed, fang-toothed, steel-jawed +bloodhound, fighting valiantly to have but a minute's interview with me; +while, dissolving-view-like, the scene seemed to change, and I saw him, +torn and bleeding, expiring fast, and blessing me with his last words as +his eyes closed. Then I was planting flowers upon his grave, watering +them with my tears, and plaiting a wreath of immortelles to hang upon +one corner of the stone that bore his name, ere I departed for Guisnes +to take the veil and shut myself for ever from a world that had been to +me one of woe and desolation. + +"Oh, Achille! beloved, martyred Achille!" I muttered, with my eyes +closed to keep in the tears, when I was snatched back to the realities +of the present by the voice of Miss Furness, who snappishly exclaimed-- + +"Perhaps you had better go and lie down for an hour, Miss Bozerne, if +you cannot get on with your exercise without taking a nap in between the +lines." + +I sighed--oh, so bitter and despairing a sigh!--and then went on with my +task, sadly, sorrowfully, and telling myself that all was indeed now +lost, and 'twere vain to battle with fate, and I must learn to sit and +sorrow till the sun should shine upon our love. + +The dog came. + +Such a wretch! I'm sure no one ever before possessed such a horrible, +mongrel creature. Instead of being a large, noble-looking mastiff or +hound, or Newfoundland dog, it was a descendant, I feel convinced, of +the celebrated Snarleyyow that used to bite poor Smallbones, and devour +his dinner. It was one of those dogs that you cannot pet for love, +because they are so disagreeable, nor from fear, because they will not +let you; for every advance made was met by a display of teeth; while if +you bribed it with nice pieces of bread, they were snapped from your +hand, and the escapes of your fingers were miraculous. I should have +liked to have poisoned the nasty, fierce thing; but, of course, I dared +not attempt such a deed. And what surprised me was Mrs Blunt being +able to get one so soon, though the reason was plain enough--the wretch +had belonged to a neighbour who was only too glad to get rid of it, and +hearing that Mrs Blunt wanted a dog, jumped at the chance, and I know +he must have gone away laughing and chuckling. We used to call the +horrid wretch Cyclops, for he had only one eye; but such an eye! a fiery +red orb, that seemed to burn, while the wretch was as big almost as a +calf. I knew that poor Achille would never dare any more adventures now +for my sake; and it did seem such cruel work, for a whole fortnight had +passed since I had heard from or seen him, for when the lesson was due +after our last adventure, there came a note from Mrs Jackney's, saying +that Monsieur de Tiraille had been taken ill the night before, and was +now confined to his bed. + +Only think! confined to his bed, and poor Laura unable to go to him to +tend him, to comfort him, and smooth his pillow, at a time when he was +in such a state of suffering, and all through me--all for my sake! I'm +sure I was very much to be pitied, though no one seemed to care; while +as for Clara, she grew unbearable, doing nothing but laugh. + +Oh, yes, I knew well enough what was the matter, and so did two more; +but, to make matters ten hundred times more aggravating, that lean Miss +Furness must go about sighing, and saying that it was a bilious attack, +and that England did not agree with Monsieur Achille like la belle +France; and making believe that she was entirely in his confidence, when +I don't believe that he had done more than send word to Mrs Blunt +herself. And then, as if out of sympathy, Miss Furness must needs make +a fuss, and get permission to take the French class--she with her +horrid, abominable accent, which was as much like pure French as a penny +trumpet is like Sims Reeves's G above the stave. + +"Oh, yes," she said, "she should be only too happy to take the class +while poor Monsieur Achille was ill." + +And one way and another, the old fright made me so vexed that I should +have liked to make her jealous by showing her one of Achille's letters. + +So, as I said before we had a dog in the place; and, oh, such a wretch! +I'm sure that no one ever before saw such a beast, and there it was +baying and howling the whole night through. + +The very first day he came to inhabit the smart green kennel that Mrs +Blunt had had bought, he worked his collar over his ears and got loose, +driving the gardener nearly mad with the pranks he played amongst the +flowers; when who should come but poor meek, quiet, innocent, tame +Monsieur de Kittville. The wretch made at him, seizing him by the leg +of his trousers; but how he ever did it without taking out a bit of his +leg I can't make out, for his things were always dreadfully tight; and +there was the wretch of a dog hanging on and dragging back, snarling the +while, and the poor little dancing master defending himself with his +fiddle, and shrieking out-- + +"Brigand! Cochon! Diable de chien! Hola, ho! Au secours! I shall be +dechire! Call off te tog!" + +And at every word he banged the great beast upon the head with the +little fiddle, till it was broken all to bits; but still the dog held +on, until the gardener and James ran to his assistance. + +"He won't hurt you, sir," said the great, tall, stupid footman, +grinning. + +"But he ayve hurt me, dreadful," cried the poor dancing master, capering +about upon the gravel, and then stooping to tie his handkerchief over +his leg, to hide the place where the dog had taken out a piece of the +cloth, and was now coolly lying down and tearing it to pieces. "I am +hurt! I am scare--I am fright horrible!" cried poor Monsieur de +Kittville; "and my nerves and strings--oh, my nerves and strings--and my +leetle feetle shall be broken all to pieces. Ah, Madame Bloont, Madame +Bloont, why you keep such monster savage to attack vos amis? I shall +not dare come for give lessons. I am ver bad, ver bad indeed." + +"Oh, dear, oh, dear! how can I sufficiently apologise?" exclaimed Mrs +Blunt, who had hurried up, and now began tapping the great dog upon the +head with her fan. "I am so extremely sorry, Monsieur de Kittville. +Naughty dog, then, to try and bite its mistress's friends." + +"Aha, madame," said the poor little man, forgetting his trouble in his +excessive politeness and gallantry--"mais ce n'est rien; just nosing at +all; but I am agitate. If you will give me one leetle glass wine, I +shall nevare forget your bonte." + +"Oh, yes, yes--pray come in," said Mrs Blunt. + +And then we all came round the poor, trembling little martyr; and +although we could not help laughing, yet all the while we pitied the +good-tempered, inoffensive little man, till he had had his glass of wine +and gone away; for, of course, he gave no lesson that day, and I must +chronicle the fact that Mrs Blunt gave him a guinea towards buying a +new instrument. + +"But, oh, Clara," I said, when we were alone, "suppose that had been +poor Achille?" + +"Oh, what's the good of supposing?" said Clara, pettishly. "It was not +him, and that ought to be enough." + +"But it might have been, though," I said; "and then, only think!" + +"Think," said Clara, "oh, yes, I'll think. Why, he is sure to have him +some day." + +"Don't dear, pray," I said. + +"And then," continued Clara, "he'll fight the dog, and kill him as King +Richard did the lion." + +"Oh, please, don't tease," I said humbly; "I wonder how he is." + +"Miss Furness says he is better," said Clara. + +"How dare Miss Furness know?" I cried, indignantly. + +"Dear me! How jealous we are!" she said, in her vulgar, tantalising +way. "How should I know?" + +And, for the daughter of a titled lady, it was quite disgusting to hear +of what common language she made use. + +"I don't believe that she knows a single bit about it at all," I said, +angrily; for it did seem so exasperating and strange for that old thing +to know, while somebody else, whom he had promised to make--but there, I +am not at liberty to say what he had promised. + +"You may depend upon one thing," said Clara, "and that is that your +Achille will not be invulnerable to dogs' bites; though, even if he is, +he will be tender in the heel, which is the first part that he will show +Mr Cyclops, if he comes. But you will see if he does not take good +care not to come upon these grounds after dark--that is, as soon as he +knows about the dog. By-the-by, dear, what a dislike the dog seems to +have to anything French." + +"I'd kill the wretch if it bit him," I said. + +Clara laughed as if she did not believe me. + +"I would," I said; "but I'll take care somehow to warn him, so that he +shall run no such risks. For I would not have him bitten for the +world." + +"Of course not--a darling?" said Clara, mockingly. + +And then no more was said. + +But matters went unfortunately, and I had no opportunity for warning +poor Achille, who was attacked in his turn by the wretch of a dog--who +really seemed, as Clara said, to have a dislike to everything French; +while, by a kind of clairvoyance, the brute must have known that poor +Achille was coming. For, by a strange coincidence--not the first either +that occurred during my stay at the Cedars--the creature managed to get +loose, and lay in wait just outside the shrubbery until _he_ came, when +he flew at him furiously, as I will tell. + + +CHAPTER TWENTY. + +MEMORY THE TWENTIETH--THE NEW PRISONER. + +I had no idea that Achille was well enough to go on with the lessons, +neither had anybody in the house; for Miss Furness had just summoned us +all to the French class, and my mind was, to a certain extent, free from +care and pre-occupation, when I heard a most horrible snarling and +yelling, and crying for help. Of course I darted in agony to the +window, when it was just as I had anticipated--just as I knew, by means +of the electric current existing between our hearts--Achille was in +peril; for the horrible dog had attacked him, and there he was in full +flight. + +As I reached the window, the wretch leaped upon him, seizing his coat, +and tearing away a great piece of the skirt; but the next moment poor +Achille made a bound, and caught at one of the boughs of the cedar he +was beneath; and there he hung, with the horrible dog snapping and +jumping at his toes every time they came low enough. + +It was too bad of Clara, and whatever else I may look over, I can never +forgive this; for she laughed out loudly in the most heartless way, and +that set all the other girls off wildly, though Miss Furness, as soon as +she saw what had happened, began to scream, and ran out of the room. + +Only to think of it, for them all to be laughing, when the poor fellow +must have been in agony! Now he contracted, now he hung down; then he +drew himself up again, so that the dog could not reach him; but then, I +suppose, from utter weariness, his poor legs dropped down again, and the +vicious brute jumped at them, when of course poor Achille snatched them +up again--who wouldn't?--just as if he had been made of india-rubber, so +Clara said. Such a shame, laughing at anyone when in torment! It was +quite excruciating to see the poor fellow; and if I had dared I should +have seized the poker and gone to his assistance. But, then, I was so +horribly afraid of the wretched dog myself that I could not have gone +near it; and there poor Achille still hung, suffering as it were a very +martyrdom, with the dog snap, snap, snapping at his toes, so that I felt +sure he would either be killed or frightfully torn. All at once, for I +really could not keep it back, I gave a most horrible shriek, for though +James was running to get hold of the dog, he was too late. + +The beast--the dog I mean, not James--had taken advantage of poor +Achille's weariness, leaped up and seized him by one boot, when nature +could bear no more weight, and I saw the unhappy sufferer fall right +upon the dog; when there was a scuffle and noise of contention, and the +cowardly animal ran yelping and limping off upon three legs; while +Achille, looking pale and furious, stood straightening and brushing his +clothes, and trying to put himself in a fit state to pay his visit. + +That was the last I saw; for the next thing I remember is Mrs Blunt +calling me a foolish, excitable girl; and they were sopping my face with +cold water, making my hair all in such a wet mess, and the salts they +held close to my nose were so strong that they nearly choked me. + +"There, leave her now, young ladies, she is getting better," said Mrs +Blunt; for the horrible sick sensation was certainly going off, and I +began to awaken to the feeling that Achille was safe. Then it struck me +all at once that I must have fainted away from what I had seen, and the +thoughts of those around being suspicious nerved me to rouse myself up +and hide my confusion. + +They wanted me to give up my French lesson that morning, but I declared +that I was so much better that they let me go in, and I really did +expect just a glance; but, no, he was like a piece of marble, and took +not the slightest notice either of Clara or poor me. Then, too, he was +as cross and snappish as could be, and found great fault, saying +everything was disgracefully done, and that every one had been going +back with the French ever since he had been away. But I did not mind +that a bit; for I saw how it was making Miss Furness's ears tingle, +which was some consolation, seeing how hard she had been working us, and +what a fuss she had been making, as if she were Monsieur Achille's +deputy; and really I was getting jealous of the tiresome old thing. + +I took my snubbing very patiently; but I could not help feeling terribly +angry when he rose to go, and, with an affectation of bashfulness, Miss +Furness followed, simpering, looking, or rather trying to look, in our +eyes, as if she were engaged. But I followed too, almost as soon as the +door was closed; and to my rage and disgust I found the hall empty, with +Achille's hat still standing upon the table, so that he could not have +gone. + +"They must have gone into the drawing-room," I muttered. + +And then once more my head began to swim, for I felt raging--jealous; +and it did seem a thing that, after all I had suffered and done for his +sake, I was to be given up for a dreadful screwy thing, old enough to be +my mother at the very least. But I would not faint this time, I was too +angry; and stepping across the hall, I opened the drawing-room door, +softly and quickly, and walked in just in time to see that base +deceiver, Achille, kissing the hand of the old hypocrite. And how they +did both flinch and cower before my indignant glance! + +Miss Furness was, of course, the first to recover herself, and step +forward in a vixenish manner, just as if she would have liked to bite. + +"And pray, Miss Bozerne, what may be your business?" she exclaimed. + +"Oh, I merely came for my wool-work," I replied, in a tone of the most +profound contempt; and, sweeping across the room, I fetched a piece of +work that I knew to be under one of the chair cushions, and then I +marched off, leaving Achille the very image of confusion, while as for +Miss Furness, she was ready to fly at me with spite and anger. + +I kept it up till I was outside the room, and had given the door a smart +bang, when I rushed upstairs, and past Mrs Blunt, who called to me in +vain to stop, and then to my bedroom, where I locked myself in, and had +such a cry, as I dashed down the wool-work, and threw myself upon the +bed, to lie with my burning cheek upon my pillow, and water it with my +tears. + +Rage, vexation, disappointment, love--I'm sure they were all mingled +together, and sending me half wild. Only to think of his turning out a +deceiver!--to leave me and go and pay court to a woman of forty, with a +yellow skin, scraggy neck, and a temper of the most shrewish! I was so +passionate then, that I jumped off the bed and ran to the glass, and if +it too was not a deceiver, and did not tell me a story, I was handsome. +But I vowed that I would be revenged for it all; and I stamped up and +down the room, thinking of what would be the best way; but, somehow, I +could not think of a plan then, so I lay down once more, and had another +good cry. + +"Never mind," I said. + +Then I raised myself upon my elbow, and just at that moment some one +knocked. + +"What is it?" I cried, after whoever it was had knocked four times, and +would not go away. + +"Mrs de Blount says that she requests you to descend directly," said +one of the younger pupils. + +"Tell her I have a very bad headache," I said, which really was a fact; +and then I would not answer any more questions, for I was determined not +to go down until all the marks of my crying had faded away, which I knew +would not be for some time. + +"Miss Furness won't make me afraid of her any more," I said to myself. +"I've mastered her secret; and Achille dare not tell of me, for fear of +betraying himself. I'll serve them both out." + +I lay nursing up my wrath, till I felt obliged to cry again; and then, +when I had done crying, I again picked up my wrath and nursed it; and so +on, backwards and forwards, till all at once I started up, for there was +one of those hideous German brass bands. A set of towy-headed, +sleepy-faced boys were blaring out "Partant pour la Syrie" in the most +horribly discordant manner, till James was sent to order them out of the +grounds, when, to get the dreadful discords out of my head, and my mind +more in tune, I took advantage of a permission lately given me by Mrs +Blunt, and slipped quietly down into the drawing-room, which was now +empty. Sitting down to the piano, I rattled away at "La Pluie de +Perles" until my fingers ached again, when I took up something of +Talexy's, and I suppose it was all emotional, for I'm sure I never +played so brilliantly before in my life--the notes seemed quite to +sparkle under my fingers, and I kept on rattling away till I was tired, +and dashed off the great finishing chords at the end. + +Then I slammed down the piano, spun myself round upon the stool, and +jumping up, I was about to make a pirouette, and what we girls, in +happy, innocent, thoughtless days, used to call a cheese, when I gave a +start, for Mrs Blunt was standing there with a lady in walking costume, +who was smilingly inspecting me through a great gold eyeglass, just as +if I were some curiosity; and, of course, instead of the pirouette, I +made one of the spun-out, graceful obeisances so popular at the Cedars. + +"One of our pupils," said Mrs Blunt, in her most polite tones. "Mrs +Campanelle Brassey--Miss Bozerne. Young and high-spirited, you see," +she continued, smiling benignantly upon me, just in the way that she had +done when mamma was with me, and never since. "Young, happy, and +light-hearted. Just at that age when life has no cares,"--couldn't I +have pinched her. "She adores melody--quite a daughter of the Muses." + +"Charming gyirl," said the lady, smiling. "Sweetly featured--so +gazelle-eyed. Most unaccountably like my Euphemia." + +"Indeed!" said Mrs Blunt. "How singular! They will, no doubt, be like +sisters." + +"Charming for Euphemia, to be sure," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey. "It +will make the change from home so pleasant, and she will not pine." + +"No fear of that," said Mrs Blunt--"ours is too home-like an abode." + +"No doubt," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey. "And then there is that other +charming gyirl--the one with the sweet, high-spirited features--the one +you just now showed me. Lady--Lady--Lady Somebody's daughter." + +"Lady Fitzacre's," said Mrs Blunt. + +"To be sure," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey. "Why, your establishment +will be most enviable, Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount; for I'm sure that you +will have the Three Graces within your walls." + +"Oh, fie!" exclaimed Mrs Blunt, playfully; "you are bringing quite a +blush to the face of our young friend." + +My cheeks certainly were tingling, but it was only to hear them talk +such twaddle; and I knew well enough now that they must have been +looking on for some time, while Mrs Blunt only let me keep on strumming +to show off before the visitor; for if it had been one of the girls who +played badly, she would have been snubbed and sent off in a hurry for +practising out of her turn. + +For a moment, though, I felt a pang shoot through me--a jealous pang--as +I thought that, if this new pupil came, she might bear off from me my +Achille; while the next moment I was ready to laugh scornfully from the +recollection that I had no Achille, that he was already another's, that +men were all false and deceivers, and that I could now turn satirical, +and sympathise with Clara. + +However, I showed none of the painful emotions sweeping through my +breast, but took all in good part, and allowed Mrs Campanelle Brassey +to tap me with her eyeglass, and kiss me on the cheek, which kiss was, +after all, only a peck with her hooky nose; and then she must take what +she called a fancy to me, and march me about with them all over the +place, and call me "My love," and "My sweet child," and all that sort of +stuff, when she was seeing me now for the first time; but, if I had been +the most amiable of girls, but plain, like Grace Murray, instead of +showy and dashing, she would not have taken the least mite of notice of +me. + +Yes: really, this is a dreadfully hypocritical world! + +"My Euphemia will be charmed to know you, my love," said Mrs Campanelle +Brassey, looking at me as if I were good to eat, and she were a +cannibal's wife--"charmed, I'm sure." + +"I sha'n't be charmed to know her," I said to myself, "if she is as +insincere as you." + +"I'm sure that you will soon be the best of friends. It will be so nice +for her to have one to welcome her directly she leaves home, and, of +course, we shall have the pleasure of seeing you on a visit at the +Belfry during the vacation." + +Of course I thanked her, and thought that if I liked Euphemia I should +very likely go home with her for a while, since all places now seemed +the same to me, and I should require some _delassement_. + +"This is one of our classrooms, my dear madam," said Mrs Blunt, opening +the door where all the girls were sitting, and just then Clara came +across from the practice-room, with her music-book beneath her arm, for +Mrs Blunt had taken care that Mrs Campanelle Brassey should not stand +and hear her hammer away at the old ting-tang. Clara told me afterwards +that she stopped as soon as the door opened. But then Clara never could +play a bit, and I must say that she knew it, though, as I before said, +her sketches were lovely. + +"Charming, indeed," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey, inspecting the girls +through her glass, just as if it were a lens, and they were all so many +cheese-mites. + +Just then I exchanged glances with Miss Furness, but I was not going to +be stared down; for feeling, as I did, fierce and defiant, I just +contemptuously lowered my lids. Next moment the door was closed, and we +went into the dining-room, and then upstairs to the dormitories. + +"What a charming little nest!" exclaimed Mrs Campanelle Brassey, when +we entered our room at last, after inspecting, I think, every chamber in +the place--for everything really was kept beautifully nice, and neat, +and clean; and, though plain, the furniture and carpets were tasty and +nice--"what a charming little nest! Three beds, too! And pray who +sleeps here?" + +"Let me see," said Mrs Blunt, affecting ignorance, "this is your room, +is it not, my dear? Ah! yes, I remember; and you have Miss Fitzacre +with you, and who else?" + +"Miss Smith, ma'am," I said, quietly. + +"Ah, to be sure, Miss Smith," said Mrs Blunt. + +"Not a very aristocratic name," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey, smiling, +and twirling her eyeglass about. "Pity, now, that that bed is not at +liberty; it would have been so charming for the three girls to have been +together night and day. I suppose that you could not manage to change +the present order, Mrs de Blount?" + +"Shall I give up my bed, ma'am?" I said, quietly. + +"Oh, dear me, no--by no means," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey. "I +thought, perhaps, as I had seen Lady Fitzacre's daughter and yourself, +and you seemed so much of an age, that it might have been possible for +the young person of the name of--er--er--" + +"Smith," suggested Mrs Blunt. + +"Yes--er--for her to be exchanged into another room." + +Mrs Blunt thought that perhaps if her young friend did not object to +being separated she might possibly manage it. And really I hoped she +would; for any one, even Celia Blang--little spy that she was--would +have been better than poor Patty. + +"But I really should not like to introduce my dear child here at the +expense of doing violence to anybody's feelings," said Mrs Campanelle +Brassey. + +"Oh, no! I know you would not wish that," said Mrs Blunt; "and really, +if Miss Smith objected at all to being removed, I don't think I could-- +er--I should like to--to--" + +"I see, perfectly," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey; "and I quite admire +and appreciate your system, Mrs de Blount. But what does my young +friend here say--would she object to such a change being made? Would +she not miss her friend, the young person of the name of--er--Jones?" + +"Smith," corrected Mrs Blunt; for somehow the vulgarity of the name +seemed too much for Mrs Campanelle Brassey. + +"I should be very glad to see the change," I said. + +"And about Miss Fitzacre?" said Mrs Blunt, with such an air of +hypocritical interest, looking all the while so innocent. + +"Oh, I'm certain that she would be glad," I rejoined. "In fact, ma'am, +I have heard her say so. Miss Smith is very young, ma'am," I said, +modestly, "and has never been a companion or friend to us." + +And then I felt very much afraid lest Patty should hear of what I had +said, and repay me by telling all she knew. + +"No; I should never have expected that from what I have seen of your two +charming pupils. Mrs de Blount, that they would have had feelings, +sentiments, or emotions in common with a young person of the name of-- +Jones." + +"Then, if your daughter wishes it, my dear madam," said Mrs Blunt, "I +think we may venture to say that the matter is settled to your +satisfaction. You see," she continued, "that when a new pupil arrives, +I look upon mine as quite a maternal charge--one that embraces all that +a mother owes to her child, with that of the teacher and trainer of the +young and budding intellect." + +"Exactly so," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey, nodding her head. + +"And therefore," continued Mrs Blunt, apparently much +encouraged--"therefore, my dear madam, I try to study pupils' comfort +and wishes, even in those which some people might consider trivial +things. I study, as far as I can, the present as well as the future; so +that when, strong-winged, these young birds take flight, they may always +in their happy futures--" + +"Certainly--happy futures," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey, nodding her +head; "certainly, after such training." + +"Happy futures, look back," continued Mrs Blunt, "to the days when they +were at the Cedars, and feel a tear dim their eye's brightness--a tear, +not of sorrow, but of regret." + +"Very true," said Mrs Campanelle Brassey. "I quite agree with you, +Mrs de Blount. Charming sentiments." + +"And therefore, you see, had there been any dislike to the alteration +upon our young friend's part," said Mrs Blunt, "I should not have liked +to make the change." + +Yes: she actually said all that, just as if she believed it, and even +smiled at me as she spoke; while, I declare, I almost felt dumb-founded +to hear what she said. + +The Cedars certainly must have been a most delightful place to motherly +eyes, for at every turn go where we would, Mrs Campanelle Brassey was +lost in admiration, and found everything charming; and she did not +scruple to say so, and to such an extent that I grew tired of hearing +her. But that did not matter, for there was no getting away; and I had +to go with her, into the dining-room again to have some cake and wine, +which I had to ring for, and then go and sit down by the side of the +visitor, who seemed to know by instinct which would be the softest +couch. + +James brought in the wine, and when I was asked, as a matter of course, +I ought to have declined, and said, with a display of Cedar deportment, +"No, thank you;" but I did not intend anything of the sort, and said +"Yes," for I knew that Mrs Blunt always had the best sherry brought out +for the visitors, and was in consequence terribly stingy over it. So I +said, "Yes, if you please," and took a glass, while she was obliged to +smile all the time; for I did not mean to be walked about, and talked +at, and talked to all day for nothing. + +But at last I was set at liberty, and went off to the schoolroom to +discuss the coming of the new girl, who was so handsome and charming in +every respect, till Miss Furness returned from the drawing-room, where +she had been to be introduced, and desired us to pursue our studies, +when, of course, we were all very industrious for quite five minutes. + + +CHAPTER TWENTY ONE. + +MEMORY THE TWENTY-FIRST--I SUFFER. + +"I can't think how mammas can be so silly as to believe all that is said +by these lady principals," said Clara. "And so there's another new girl +coming, just my age? I wonder how she will like Cedar mutton--all +gristle and tiff-taff. I wish I was out of it, I do! And so it's all +off between you and Monsieur Achille, is it, dear? Well, I'm very glad, +for it had got to be dreadfully tiring, really. Now, tell the truth, +ain't you glad yourself?" + +"N-n-no, I don't think I am," I said. "It will be so dull now, with +nothing to look forward to; and--heigho!--who would have thought that he +would be so false?" + +"Anybody, everybody," said Clara; "and yet you were highly offended +because I said French gentlemen were fickle and brittle. Never mind, +dear, there will be some one else some day, and I shall be bridesmaid, +after all." + +"Don't talk such stuff," I said, dolefully; while from the far distant +past there seemed to rise up the reproachful countenance of Mr Saint +Purre, as I had seen him last, and I could not help sighing; while if +any one had asked me whether I was sighing about Monsieur de Tiraille or +Theodore Saint Purre, I really don't think that I could have told them. + +Time slipped on--I can hardly tell you how, but it really did pass. I +had been home for the Christmas vacation, and tried hard to keep from +going back to the Cedars, but in vain. Mamma declared that it was all +for my good, and was what she called inflexible. So, after a regular +round of gaiety, I was back at the hateful place once more, with the old +routine wheel going round, and round, and round, and seeming to grind +all the skin off my temper, so that I grew cross, and fretful, and +peevish. Forming our minds, indeed! They did form our minds there, and +a very bad shape they made them into. I know I was one of the most +amiable of girls when I went down there; while at home now I am +melancholy, and irritable, and--and--well, I don't know what. + +Time went on--cold winterly days, when we could hardly smell the fire; +and as to warming ourselves, we had better have been guilty of high +treason. Mrs Blunt was better, and loved a good fire, getting quite +close to it; but Miss Furness had a theory that too much warmth was +unwholesome, and that after coals had been put on, a fire ought never to +be poked; and I declare if that tiresome old thing used not to lock up +the fire-irons in the book cupboard when she left the room, so that we +should not touch the grate; and there we used to be, poking it with +pieces of slate pencil till they broke, or burning the end of the big +ruler by hammering the burning coals with that. + +Wet days, when there was no walking. Northeasterly windy days, when +Miss Furness's nose turned more red than ever, and her eyes watered with +the bleak breezes that she would face. Health was everything, she used +to say, and perhaps she was right; but I know I would rather be poorly +and comfortable than healthy and always in misery and pain. + +Dull, dreary days, with lessons from this one and lessons from that one. +Italian I made some progress with, and music I always did love; but as +for French, of late that had been sadly neglected. I really blushed at +times to take up my exercises to Monsieur de Tiraille; but he never +uttered a word of praise or blame, but always sighed softly as he looked +over them, while I was stern and obdurate as fate itself. No, I could +not forgive him; and note after note that he would have had me take I +pretended not to see, while as to those which he sent by Clara, I +returned them unopened. I repeat I could not forgive; for he had +wounded me deeply, and in my tenderest sensibilities, and I showed him +always that I was entirely changed. I was sorry for him, for he looked +very unhappy. Yes, I pitied him, and pitied his weakness that had +tempted him to forsake me for Miss Furness. I could have suffered +anything else at his hands--neglect, scorn, contempt; but to forsake me +for her--oh, it was too bad! But I was resigned: might they be happy! + +Yes, I said so; and then I smiled in bitter mockery, as I looked upon +Miss Furness's vinegary aspect, thought of her early morning walks, and +cold, uncomfortable ways, and asked myself what there was in her to make +a man happy, when, like a flash, the answer came--_money_! For I +recollected the hints I had heard dropped of Mrs Blunt being sometimes +in pecuniary difficulties, and borrowing of Miss Furness, who had been +very saving, and had had one or two legacies left her; so that really, +and truly, the establishment was more hers than Mrs Blunt's; and if she +had liked she could have laid claim to the concern, but perhaps was +waiting her time. Yes, that must be the secret; and Achille must know +it. Why, of course she had told him, and they had made their plans +together. I had quite given him up; but somehow the idea of those two +scheming and plotting for their future angered me terribly, and whenever +I had such thoughts I used to be obliged to shed a few bitter tears; so +that I grew quite to sympathise with Mrs Blunt, and could see plainly +enough now why Miss Furness was allowed to assume so much, and to sleep +on the first floor, besides being taken into consultation upon every +important occasion, when the other teachers were nowhere, or only +admitted upon sufferance. + +How the romance of one's life seemed to have passed away, while one was +really living under a cloud!--and I knew now the meaning of the +expression. And yet there was something resigned in my feelings, and I +did not mind it so very much; for I was waiting for the end of my +sojourn here. I had learned the truth of there being something pleasant +in melancholy, and I was always repeating the words of the old song-- + + "Go! You may call it madness, folly, + You shall not chase my grief away; + There's such a charm in Melancholy, + I would not, if I could, be gay." + +I'm not sure whether that is quite right, but it is as I recollect from +very, very long--ages ago; and it was about this time that I began to +feel--oh, so old, and worn, and weary. + +Yes, Achille tried hard to obtain my forgiveness; but I would not +notice. He whispered to me more than once, over the lessons, that it +was from motives of policy that he had so acted; but I would not hear +him. And it was about this time that mamma began to send me word of how +frequently Theodore Saint Purre used to call at Chester Square, and how +kindly he always inquired after me; and it really was very kind of him, +and almost looked as if he took an interest in me. But then, what +interest could he feel in the poor, weak school-girl that I was? So I +only sighed when mamma wrote, and tried, by being good friends with the +new pupil, Euphemia Campanelle Brassey, to keep from being miserable +about Monsieur de Tiraille--for I made a vow never to call him Achille +any more. Then he must try to pique me by taking more notice of Clara +and Euphemia; but he gained nothing by that movement, for I saw Miss +Furness look crochet needles at him--which, I mean to say, is a far +better simile than daggers, for they are old, exploded things that have +gone off without noise; while crochet needles are things of the present, +equally sharp, and more vicious, from being barbed. And then, too, I +told Euphemia all about his treatment of me, while Clara already knew +it, and laughed in his face, making him look so ashamed, when he had +been trying to be so--so--so--well, what's that word?--empresse; whilst +the next time he came, Euphemia, who had felt a little flattered, +regularly turned up her nose at him. Of course, I am speaking +metaphorically, for Patty Smith was the only big girl who really could +do that literally, but then it came natural to her. And it was such a +good thing that we had got rid of Patty; for, as I have said before, I +think, I never could look upon her, big as she was, as anything but a +child; while she acted as a regular check upon all our little chats. + +No, Monsieur de Tiraille gained nothing by that movement, only the +holding of himself up to the scorn of the three eldest girls in the +establishment; and after that it was that he took to sighing softly, and +assuming the martyr, for he attacked the citadel of my poor heart in +every conceivable way. But I fortified it with thoughts of the past, +and regularly set him at defiance, my only regret--I think, I will not +be sure upon that point--my only regret being that the poor exiles of +whom he had written to me would suffer from this estrangement, for I +knew that he could not do a great deal for them. And when I wondered +whether Miss Furness would be generous, and help them out of her store, +my heart whispered No, and I felt so pained and sorry, that I enclosed +two sovereigns, all I had saved up, in a piece of paper, with the +words--"For the poor exiles," written inside, and gave it to him in that +dear old, dog's-eared, thumbed Nugent--dear to me from a thousand +recollections! + +The next time he came he was radiant with hope, but the arrows of his +dark eyes glanced from the cold mail of pride with which I was armed +now. I was as iron itself, while he seemed perfectly astounded. But he +was mistaken: for the money sent was not in token of reconciliation, but +so that others who were deserving should not suffer from our +estrangement; and I can assure you that I felt very proud of my ability +to crush down the love that, I am afraid, still burned in my breast. + +In other respects matters went on very quietly at the Cedars; from being +so fierce and snappish, Miss Furness was now quiet, and amiable, and +smiling; and though I hated her most horribly, I tried to crush all my +dislike down, and make the best of things. I found, too, now, that I +was invited occasionally to take tea in the drawing-room, when Mrs +Blunt had a few particular friends; and, altogether, they seemed to +treat me differently to the way from which I suffered when I first came. + +Then, too, Euphemia Campanelle Brassey being in our room made it a +little better; but, for all that, I was dull, and wretched, and +miserable. You know, it was so tiresome in the old days with Patty; we +did not want to be always drinking Spanish liquorice water, and eating +sour apples, and cakes, and gooseberries in bed--it was so childish. It +was all very well sometimes; but then Patty was so ravenous, thinking of +nothing else but eating, and always wanting to have what she called a +feast, and making the room smell horribly of peppermint--which, in its +way, is really as bad as onions. But Effie Campanelle Brassey really +was a nice girl, and sensible; and, of course, as we were allowed no +suppers, it was nice to have a little in our bedrooms; so we had one box +that we used to call the larder, and took it in turns to keep it +replenished. Sometimes we used to have sausage rolls, sometimes pork +pies, and little tartlets that there was an old woman in the town used +to make so nicely. But our greatest difficulty used to be about +something to drink; for though we could bring home a paper bag in one +hand and a parasol in the other, of course we could not carry a bottle, +and you may be sure that we did not care for Spanish liquorice water, +nor yet for lemonade. I should have liked bottled stout, though I did +take almost a dislike to it after Patty Smith proposed to give me a +Seidlitz powder, for the effervescence put me in mind of it. But, as a +rule, we used to have wine--sherry or claret--in a dear, nice, +champagney-looking bottle, with a silvery top, and a blue heraldic +dragon sitting in a castle, with his head out of the top and his tail +sticking out of the bottom--a scaly-looking dragon, like Richard Coeur +de Lion's legs in the old pictures; while the tail was all barbed like a +crochet needle tied back to back to another crochet needle. And, oh, it +was such fun! I believe those were the only merry times we had. The +new servant always got the wine for us from a man in the town, and we +used to lend her the key to put the bottle in the larder when she went +up to make the beds; and I'm afraid to tell you how many bottles we +drank, for it would be too shocking. + +Effie Campanelle Brassey was a really dear girl, and could enter into +matters so much better than Patty Smith, and it was a pleasure to sit in +the dusk of a night and tell her all about our disappointments--for, of +course, they were disappointments, the poor Signor being found out, and +Achille proving so utterly lost to all proper feeling, and acting as he +did with Miss Furness. + + +CHAPTER TWENTY TWO. + +MEMORY THE TWENTY-SECOND--WEAK WOMAN. + +They say that it is natural for women to be weak, and of course they who +said so must know best about it. So if woman is naturally weak, I do +not think I need be very much ashamed of owning that I was the same as +the rest of my sex, and willing at last to forgive poor Achille; for +really he did begin to look so pale and distressed, so worn, and sallow, +and miserable, and seemed so to humble himself before me, that I began +to be afraid he was contemplating something dreadful. He appeared so +dejected, and bent, and old, and directed at me such penitent looks, +that no one with a heart beating within her breast could have resisted +for long; and by degrees his sorrow began to melt away the hard, cold, +icy armour in which I was encased, to sap the walls of the citadel of +stone I had built round my heart, and one day--I could not help it--I +could not resist the piteous look he directed at me, but forgave him +with one quick, sharp glance, which brought almost a sob from his +breast; while, though his eyes were cast down, I could see him swelling +almost, as it were, with emotion, and I escaped from the room as soon as +I possibly could, to try and calm the wild, fluttering sensation that +pervaded my very being. + +Then Clara laughed at me, and sneered, and flouted, and jeered; but I +did not care, for something seemed always telling me that I loved him +very dearly. But I made up my mind to refrain from all meetings, and to +do nothing clandestine, except the correspondence with a few notes; +though I knew that it was nonsense to think for a moment that papa or +mamma would ever give their consent to my loving and being espoused by a +French master. + +And then began the notes again; while now that I think of it all, it +seems perfectly wonderful that we were not found out, over and over and +over again, for Achille grew so terribly barefaced--I mean in his ways, +for of course he did not remove his beautiful beard. Sometimes it was +Clara who had a note for me, sometimes Euphemia; and then I did not like +it, for it did not seem nice for them to be the bearers of the notes; +and if the thing had been possible, I declare that at such times I +should have felt jealous; for I could not help thinking it possible that +he had squeezed their hands when he had delivered the notes; and, as a +matter of course, such a thing was too dreadful to contemplate for more +than about half a minute at a time. + +You may be sure I never asked them if such had been the case; but I know +that I used to be snappish, and not like to say "thank you" for the +missives, however welcome they might be. But they never knew the +reason, only thought that perhaps something had put me a little out of +temper. + +And what notes those used to be!--all bewailing his inability to meet +me; for it was quite out of the question to make any appointments, with +that horrible dog ranging and roaming about like a fierce wolf, night +after night; nearly driving the poor old gardener mad, too, with the +mischief he did. + +"I declare, miss," the old man said to me, "I'd sooner set up and watch +in the garden myself night after night, than hev that there blessed +beast a-destroying of everythink. Certainly, there ain't such a deal +jest now; but what it will be when we comes to verbenas and bedding +plants saints knows. Ribbon gardening, indeed!--the whole blessed +garden's torn to ribbons already. If some one would only poison him!" + +"If some one would only poison him!" I mentally said, after him. + +But no one did, and we had to content ourselves with notes. Yes, such +notes!--not what they were of old--full of patriotism; but all the same, +pressing me to fly with him, to be his, to leave this land of cold and +fogs for his own sunny south, where all would be smiles, and beauty, and +love, and blue skies, and emerald verdure, and sunshine. Oh, what a +future he painted! It was quite enough to destroy one's sleep for the +night, for one could do nothing but lie in the wild waking dream of an +excited imagination. And then, after such waking hours, there was a +violent headache in the morning. What could I do, being so weak, and +leaning towards him as I did then? I knew how wicked it was, and how +grievous; but then, it all seemed like fate--like something that was to +be; and I used to think that all would come right in the end, when mamma +and papa would forgive me, and we should all be happy together. + +"He knows that you will have a nice little sum of money when you come of +age," said Clara, spitefully. + +"That I'm sure he doesn't," I said. "How can you talk such nonsense? +Why, he don't know anything about our position at home." + +"Why, how can you say so?" replied Clara, "when you told him in my +hearing, one night down in the conservatory, months ago." + +And that was right, though I had not recalled it at the time; but it was +too bad of Clara to try and make out that Achille was prompted by +mercenary motives, when he was the very soul of generosity, and kept +himself horribly poor by the amounts he gave away. And, besides, he was +too much of a gentleman to care for money, except as regarded the good +it would do to his fellow creatures. + +But there, as it must have been seen all along, Clara always was petty, +and spiteful, and full of little remarks of that sort, which she would +throw at you, when they would come round, and hard, and prickly, just +like one of those nasty, spikey chestnut shucks that will not bear to be +handled. So I grew not to mind what she said; and when I told Achille, +he used to laugh, and say that she was "une drole de fille," and, like +me, he took no further notice of it. + +I would not consent for such a time--months, and months, and months; but +I knew that at last I should be compelled to yield, and go with him. +"But not yet," I said, "not yet," and I drove it off as long as I could; +but at last I gave up, and promised to be his--the promise that should +make me another's! And then began a week of such nervous excitement as +was almost unbearable. Such foolish ideas, too, came into my head--some +of them so childish that I was almost ashamed of them; such as wishing, +like I had read of somewhere, to save up pieces of bread and butter, and +to purchase a suit of boy's clothes. In short, it seemed as if nothing +but absurdities would come into my head. + +I should have gone on as comfortably again if I could have taken Clara +and Euphemia into my confidence; but upon this most momentous of +undertakings I felt, and Achille agreed with me, that I should confide +in no one; for this was, indeed, too serious a matter to trust to +another. In fact, at times I felt that I could hardly trust myself; for +I used to be like the wife of King Midas, and I declare that the +knowledge was such a burden that it would have been a relief to have put +one's head down by the river, and whispered the secret. Every lesson +day came a note; and there was the night settled, and everything +arranged, before I could bring myself to believe that it was true; while +all around me seemed strained, changed, and unnatural, and sometimes I +really used to feel as if I were dreaming. + + +CHAPTER TWENTY THREE. + +MEMORY THE TWENTY-THIRD--THE HORROR OF MY BLIGHTED LIFE. + +The night before the one appointed for my flight with Achille, I sat +down and wrote two letters home--one the usual weekly affair, the other +a tear-bedewed prayer for pardon. In it I detailed the full particulars +of the step which I had taken, pointing out at the same time the +uselessness of attempting pursuit; for long before I could be discovered +I should be the wife of the man who possessed my heart, truly and +thoroughly. Yes; that letter was tear-bedewed, and there was something +very mournful in writing home upon such an occasion. But the die was +cast, and I felt quite relieved when I had placed both letters in their +envelopes; and then, leaving one for enclosure in the letter-bag of the +house, I secured the other in my bosom, and soon after retired to rest. + +Yes, I retired to rest, but not to sleep, and rose the next morning pale +and dejected; while how I went through my lessons that day I cannot +think now. However, to keep suspicion entirely at a distance, when +Achille came we took not the slightest notice of one another; and, so +that there should be no miscarriage of our undertaking, not so much as a +single line passed from one to the other. But just as he was going I +gave him one look, to show him that I was worthy of his trust, and, come +what would, I should keep my word. + +The time had already been fixed for twelve, so that with a carriage in +waiting we could be driven across the country, twelve miles to the +neighbouring town, where the main line of railway passed--ours at +Allsham being but a branch. There we could catch the night mail as it +whirled through--or rather, as it stopped; and then, conveyed to London, +we could leave by an early train the same morning for Scotland. All +this had been fixed by Achille, and conveyed to me in a note at his last +lesson. And how deliciously romantic it all seemed, and how elated I +felt, in spite of my trepidation! Away to Scotland, to be his--his own. +And then, perhaps in sunny France, live a life like some golden dream, +from which we could look back to the days of slavery at the Cedars. Oh, +it was too much!--the thoughts of it even made me tremble; and as I lay +pretending to be asleep that night, I thought my heart would have burst +with its emotions, as it beat and bounded trying to be free. + +Is it always so, that people will talk and do the very opposite to that +which you wish? Upon other nights, when I wished for half an hour's +chat with Clara or Effie, they would be too sleepy to talk; but this +night they seemed to be horribly wakeful, while the noises in the house +went on as if they would never be still. I had been in quite a flutter +for some time, owing to my having somehow mislaid the last note Achille +had sent me. Where it could be I knew not, unless it had slipped down +through my clothes; but that I looked at as impossible, and I lay hoping +that it was still somewhere in my things. Every other letter, after ten +readings, I had carefully destroyed; but this one I dared not burn, for +fear that it should contain instructions that I might forget. Even +though I had carefully learned it by heart, I still fancied that I might +again wish to refer to it. The very thought of its being found put me +in a cold perspiration; but things all grew so quiet at last, that my +courage revived, and feeling now so thoroughly embarked in the +undertaking, I summoned all my strength of mind and waited. + +Twelve o'clock, and not a sound to be heard--not even the baying of the +dog, which, in the excitement of the preparations, I had forgotten; and +now it seemed that he would be the only stumbling-block in my way. But +I was prepared to meet every danger; and slipping out of bed, I crept +out of the room to the empty place at the end of the passage, where I +had conveyed what few things I should require, for, of course, I had not +undressed. And now--bonneted, shawled, and gloved, and with my reticule +bag in my hand--I stood listening with beating pulses to the faint +sounds yet to be heard in the house. Now it was the ticking of the +clock, now the chirping of the crickets in the kitchen; while above all, +heavily and loudly, came the beating of the rain upon the skylight, +telling of how bitter a night it was, and I shuddered as I thought of +poor Achille standing in the wet. + +Our plans had been well made; and, screwing up my courage, I stepped +along the passage, down to the first floor, and reached the large +staircase window in safety, slided it up, and, to my intense joy, there +was poor, wet Achille standing at the top of a strong step-ladder, ready +to assist me down. + +"Enfin, mon ange," he whispered, as I climbed tremblingly upon the sill +as quickly as possible; for I had heard words spoken at the foot of the +stairs, and I knew directly what they meant, as dining-room and +drawing-room doors were thrown open, and lights streamed out. Yes, I +knew what Clara afterwards told me was the case--Miss Furness had picked +up the note, and they were all collected in the hall and passage, ready +to capture me when I descended, little thinking that the window +mentioned meant that upon the first floor. + +"Now dis foot--now dat," he hissed through his teeth; and, somehow, I +don't know in what way, he guided me down the ladder, to which I clung +tightly, wet as it was; and, as lights and faces appeared at the open +window, Achille dragged the ladder down, and we were in full flight +across the lawn; where he supported me with one hand, and trailed the +ladder after us with the other. + +"Dere goes de confound bell," cried Achille. "No, no," he whispered, +"not yet--don't faint, mon ange." + +"But the dog? Where is the dog?" I exclaimed. + +"Having one great pound of steaks and two mutton bones," he replied. + +And then, with the murmur of voices behind, and the bell ringing loudly, +we hurried through the wet bushes to the wall, where he placed the +ladder, and this time nerving myself, I mounted it boldly, and before I +knew where I was I found myself helped down into a carriage drawn close +up at the side--that is to say, into the cart; for Achille had been so +unfortunate that he could not procure a post-chaise. There, with an +umbrella to protect me from the inclemency of the weather, I sat upon +the hard seat between Achille and the rough man who was the driver. + +"That ere was the pleeceman as we passed," growled the latter, directly +after we had started. + +"P'raps they shall want him at de house," replied Achille, laughing. + +Away onward we tore, for fully an hour and a half, through the dark +night, and through the rain, which would keep coming, blown by the +gusts, right underneath the umbrella, in spite of all _he_ did to +protect me. And in spite of all my efforts and the tender words of +Achille--whispered to me in his own dear tongue--I could not keep from +shivering; for somehow all this did not seem so very nice, and romantic, +and pleasant. + +Oh, that night! I shall never forget it, though it all seems whirled up +together in one strange, gloomy dream of rain, and darkness, and wind, +and cold, and a stumbling horse, and a rough, stably-smelling, wet +driver, smoking a strong pipe, and shouting to the horse to "Harm!" Of +wet straw, and Achille without a great coat, and the umbrella so blown +by the wind that it took two hands to hold it, and the points would go +into the driver's eye and make him swear. + +Then there was poor Achille, wet and suffering from the cold and waiting +in the rain; and his hands so cramped with holding the umbrella; and the +dreary, miserable station fire so low that it would not warm him. And +after he had dismissed the man, he was too cold to get out his purse; +but fortunately I was able to pay for the two first-class tickets to +London. And then almost directly there was a vision of steam, and +lights, and noise, and the fast train dashed into the wet station, where +the rain kept flying from the wind, which seemed to hunt it along; and +then we were inside one of the dark blue cloth lined carriages, where I +could see by the dim light of the thick, scratchy, bubble lamp that +there were two gentlemen. I felt so ill, and cold, and shivery, I +should not have known how to keep up, if one them, seeing my wet state, +had not kindly passed a little flask of sherry to Achille, who made me +drink some. + +How I trembled, and felt that they were looking me through and through; +and I felt sure that I had seen them both before, and that they knew me, +and would go straight off and tell papa; but fortunately they both +seemed sleepy, and curled up in their wrappers in the two corners, after +one of them had insisted upon lending us a great skin thing, which was +nice and warm and comfortable. + +But they say that there are a great many hidden things in nature that +yet remain to be explained; and really this must be one of them, this +which I am now about to mention. Something would keep trying the whole +time to make me believe that all this was not very nice, and that I +would much rather have been back at the Cedars, snug in my own bed. It +was, of course, all nonsense--only a weak fancy prompted by my +disordered mind; but still it would keep coming back and back, in spite +of all Achille's whispers and tender words, till at last I really think +I had forgotten all about the "sunny South" in the miseries of the +present. + +But I crushed all those thoughts at last, down, down into the dark +depths of oblivion; for I was allowing Achille to hold my cold hand in +his, as I tried to make out what the train kept saying, for as +distinctly as could be in the noise and rattle, and whirl and rush, +there were certain words seeming to be formed, and it sounded to me as +if those words were--"Blind, conceited, foolish girl!--blind, conceited +foolish girl!" over and over again, till I would not listen to them any +longer, as we sped on and on, nearer and nearer to great London. + +I supposed that my note had been found, but I felt that it must have +been too late to do us any harm; for I knew that the telegraph clerk +left Allsham Station at eight o'clock, through Mrs Blunt once wanting +to send a message to one of the girls' parents when she was ill, and +they could not have it until the next morning, which was not so soon as +they could get a letter. So I felt quite at rest upon that score; while +now, thanks to the sherry and the skin rug, I began to get rid of the +miserable shivering that had made me feel so wretched. + +Only to think of it!--on and on, towards London, where papa and mamma +were lying calmly asleep. The thoughts of them, and their peace, and +unconsciousness of what was happening, made me recall the letter I had +written, and draw it from its hiding-place to hand to Achille to see +that it was posted. But before I passed it over to him, I felt that I +could not send it as it was. I must insert one tender word, one more +kind sentence. So, taking out my pencil, I screwed up the point, and +then, with very little difficulty, raised the lappel of the envelope-- +for really our gummed envelopes are so very insecure--while I knew that +we must stop at some hotel in London where I could obtain wax or a fresh +envelope. So I took out the note, and prepared to write upon the palm +of my hand; but seeing what I meant to do, Achille lent me his hat, upon +the crown for desk, I laid my note as, by the light of the dim lamp, I +began to trace in pencil a second--let me see; no, I remember it was a +fourth--loving, prayerful postscript. + +Tiresome light! How terribly it began to dance about! I thought that +part of the line must be much out of repair, for the carriage wobbled +excessively. My eyes, too, were dim as the light, and I had to try +again and again to read the postscript which met my frightened gaze: + +"Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount desires her best respects and compliments, +and--" + +"Qu'est ce que c'est, mon ange?" murmured Achille, as I dropped the +fatal letter, and nearly swooned away; for--oh, how could I have been so +foolish!--I had marked the envelopes so as not to make any mistake, and +yet had put in the wrong letters, sending word home that I had eloped, +and giving them ample notice of my intentions. + +I caught the letter up again, and tried to pass it off as nothing--only +a sudden pang, for I dare not tell Achille; but who can imagine my agony +as we sped on for the rest of our journey? For we could not converse, +on account of the other passengers, and my brain was in a whirl. + +All at once the train began to slacken, and, in the comparative quiet, I +hoped and thought possible a dozen things: the letter might have +miscarried, or been sent wrong; it might have been lost; papa and mamma +might have been out--plenty of things might have happened in my favour; +and then we drew up at another dismal station, whose bleared lights we +could see through the rain spotted windows. Here the tickets were +collected, and I felt sure that the ticket collector looked suspiciously +at both Achille and me; while, as we waited, I could hear them clanking +in the milk tins into the great wild beast cage upon wheels that they +have upon the night trains of that and, I suppose, all railways. At +last, just as we were about to start, the door opened again, and a wet +man jumped in, and sat there staring at us all the rest of the way. + +London at last, in the darkness and misery of the early morning! It was +of no use to try and keep them back, the tears would come, and even the +reassuring pressure of Achille's hand was of no avail to cheer me; for, +oh! it did look so very, very, very miserable in the dark, cheerless, +wet time, and I hardly knew how to stand. + +"This way, sir," said a man who appeared to be one of the guards, for he +was dressed just like one. "Cab all ready, sir." + +"Merci," replied Achille; and I clung to his arm as we followed the +civil guard under the long row of dismal hanging lamps, some alight and +some out, past the hissing engine, with its bright light, and warm, +ruddy, glowing fire; and at that moment I did so wish that I was a +happy, careless engine driver, warming myself in the cheery heat-- +anything but what I then was; for I was dreadfully unhappy, and, I am +afraid, even a little disappointed that my fears had no suite, so +strange a contradiction is a woman's heart. However, on we went to +where another man was waiting by a cab, and as soon as we approached he +opened the door. + +Weak, faint, and miserable, I hurried in, and leaned back trembling in a +corner, expecting Achille the next moment would be at my side; but, to +my horror, I saw a slight scuffle take place, and Achille dragged off. +The guard-like man jumped in, shut the door after him, and pulled up the +glass; while at the same moment the horrid wet cab jangled off, and the +creature lowered the front window and gave some instructions to the +driver. + +"Oh, stop, stop!" I cried, in agony, as I jumped up. "There is some +mistake. Where is Monsieur Achille--the gentleman who was with me?" + +"That clinches what didn't want no clinching, my dear," said the horrid +wretch, shouting at me, for the cab made so much noise--"that clinches +it, my dear. I hadn't a doubt before; and as to now, why, it's right as +right, and there's no mistake. Now sit down, my dear. I shan't hurt +you, so don't be frightened; and it's of no use for you to try and jump +out, because I don't mean to let you. There now, see what you've done-- +you've broke the window! Not very surprising, though, for they always +makes cab windows of the thinnest glass they can get hold of for the +benefit of their fares. Make a handsome thing out of the profits, some +owners do, being mostly broken by noisy swells who can pay up. Helps +the shoeing bill, you know, my dear. Now, do sit still. What a +struggling little bird it is!" + +I was horrified and mad; for the wretch had caught me in his arms as I +started from my seat and beat at the window till it fell shattered to +pieces; but in spite of my struggles he held me down upon the seat by +his side. + +"It's all right, my dear Miss Laura Bozerne. And you needn't be in the +least bit afraid of me; for I'm an old married man, sent by some one you +know very well, working under the advice of my wife, and I'm to be +depended upon. So sit still, my little dove, you're saved out of the +hawk's claws this time." + +What could I do but sink back with a hysterical sob, my mind in a state +of chaos? I really, I'm sure, did not know then whether I was pleased +or sorry, though I had felt it incumbent upon me to struggle a little at +first. I'm sure my brains were all anyhow, as I wondered who the man +was by my side, and where he was taking me. Had Achille betrayed me and +fled? Oh, no--impossible! Papa must have taken steps to stop us; and +this wretch by my side was, I felt sure, a detective. + +Up and down street after street, all dark, dismal, and deserted, as I +could see when the wretch rubbed the steaming glass with his sleeve. +The lamps were all burning; and here and there we passed a policeman, +and, every time the light shone upon their wet capes, fresh tears gushed +from my eyes as I thought of Achille and his probable fate. Then, too, +I thought again of where they were bearing me. Was I to be imprisoned-- +taken before a magistrate? Oh, it was horrible! and the long, jangling +ride seemed as though it would never end. + +"Now, that's what I call sensible, my dear," said the wretch, all at +once--shouting so that I'm sure the driver could almost have heard. +"Some people, you see, never do know when they're took, but keep on +fighting agen it when there's no more chance of getting away than +flying. That's right, take it coolly, and a good cry will do you no end +of good, I dare say." + +Then, finding me quiet and resigned, my captor appeared to take but +little more notice of me, only turning his head my way from time to time +as we passed a lamp. I would have given anything to have known where we +were going; but, of course, under the circumstances, I could not summon +courage enough to ask; but at last I seemed to recognise places that we +passed, first one and then another becoming familiar, till it seemed +almost like returning home from a ball. And--yes--no--yes--no--yes, it +was our own house before which we had driven up, and the driver was +ringing furiously at the bell! + +Oh, yes, it was all plain enough now. I had been entrapped and brought +home, and I knew that I had betrayed myself by my own folly. + +"Oh, Achille, Achille!" I murmured. + +"He's all right, miss, I dare say," said my captor, who certainly +possessed a preternatural sharpness of hearing; "and I should think that +we had better sit here in the dry till the door opens, though I dare say +that won't be long, for they expex us." + +And he was right; for, with swimming eyes, I saw the flash of light, +while I could not help blessing the darkness of the cold, winterly morn, +which hid me from the gaze of the vulgar. The people on either side +were doubtless asleep, and there was no one visible but a policeman, who +helped to carry me over the wet pavement into the hall, where, trembling +and dizzy, I stood for a moment before papa in his dressing-gown, and +then really and truly I fainted dead away. + + +CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR. + +MEMORY THE TWENTY-FOURTH--FATE. + +I never saw Achille again, and I never once dared to ask either mamma or +papa about his fate; for they were both so kind and tender all the time +that I was seriously ill from the cold, exposure, and agitation to which +I had been subjected. It was quite a month before I was able to go out +again; while now--heigho!--would that I had never had a heart! + +No: I never saw Achille again; but never, oh never will I believe that +newspaper report, though papa marked it all round thickly with a quill +pen, and left it where I could not avoid seeing it! It was in one of +the horrible evening papers, and said that one Achille de Tiraille had +been committed for trial upon a charge of swindling; but, even if it +were true, it could not have been my Achille--the soul of truth, honour, +and chivalry, whom I had once known. + +Shall I ever be happy again? I feel seared and blighted; and, except +that pink is pleasing, I care little for dress. Papa is very kind, so +is mamma, and they have never even hinted at the past; while as for the +Cedars, such a place might never have been in existence. They take me +to all the operas, but "Trovatore" seems to be my favourite, since I +cannot help comparing the sorrows of two real individuals known to the +reader with those of the fictitious people of the opera. Yes--the +sorrows of Leonora and her poor Trovatore seem quite to refresh me, +though the sole pleasure of my life of late has been the committing of +these tear-bedewed confessions to paper, for the benefit of all who may +read them. + +I have written again to Soeur Charite, and she sends me in return such +kind, loving words. I know she would be glad were I once more beneath +the shelter of her dove-like wings; but neither papa nor mamma would, I +am sure, ever again listen to any proposition for me to leave home. So +I practise self-denial, and try to improve upon the lessons inculcated +by Mr Saint Purre, who often calls, mamma being very fond of his +society. + +POSTSCRIPT. + + "Eldersmere, _June 4th_, 1800. + + "My dearest Laura--Pray excuse haste, for we are just off to `Parigi O + cara,' to see the Exposition--papa, mamma, your humble servant, and + Effie Campanelle Brassey. I will write at length from there. But + just a line to say that we are delighted to hear of your engagement, + and Effie and I will be doubly delighted to be bridesmaids. What fun, + though, to think of all the school frolics, and--and--but there, I + won't say a word; only mind this, I mean to come and stay for months + with you when you are Mrs Saint Purre. And so he is to have a living + down in the country? My! what fun, to see the saintly Laura + attending, basket in hand, to her poor, and her Sunday school + children! Heigho! and poor me without so much as an offer yet. Do, + there's a dear, have a few nice fellows at the wedding, just out of + pity, you know; for, only think, both Effie and I will soon be + eighteen! You say that the Cedars is never to be mentioned; but I + must tell you that in the advertisements it is now, `Lady Principals, + Mrs Fortesquieu de Blount and Miss Furness.' Goodbye, my own dear, + dear pet, sweet, darling Laura; and I am, as I always shall be, in + spite of hundreds of tiffs, your affectionate friend,-- + + "Clara Fitzacre." + +------------------------------------------------------------------------ + +The End. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's A Fluttered Dovecote, by George Manville Fenn + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A FLUTTERED DOVECOTE *** + +***** This file should be named 36873.txt or 36873.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/6/8/7/36873/ + +Produced by Nick Hodson of London, England + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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