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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book IV.
+by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book IV.
+
+Author: Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+Release Date: December 6, 2004 [EBook #3904]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUSSEAU ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
+(In 12 books)
+
+Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
+
+London, 1903
+
+
+
+BOOK IV.
+
+
+Let any one judge my surprise and grief at not finding her on my arrival.
+I now felt regret at having abandoned M. le Maitre, and my uneasiness
+increased when I learned the misfortunes that had befallen him.  His box
+of music, containing all his fortune, that precious box, preserved with
+so much care and fatigue, had been seized on at Lyons by means of Count
+Dortan, who had received information from the Chapter of our having
+absconded with it.  In vain did Le Maitre reclaim his property, his means
+of existence, the labor of his life; his right to the music in question
+was at least subject to litigation, but even that liberty was not allowed
+him, the affair being instantly decided on the principal of superior
+strength.  Thus poor Le Maitre lost the fruit of his talents, the labor
+of his youth, and principal dependence for the support of old age.
+
+Nothing was wanting to render the news I had received truly afflicting,
+but I was at an age when even the greatest calamities are to be
+sustained; accordingly I soon found consolation.  I expected shortly
+to hear news of Madam de Warrens, though I was ignorant of the address,
+and she knew nothing of my return.  As to my desertion of Le Maitre (all
+things considered) I did not find it so very culpable.  I had been
+serviceable to him at his retreat; it was not in my power to give him any
+further assistance.  Had I remained with him in France it would not have
+cured his complaint.  I could not have saved his music, and should only
+have doubled his expense: in this point of view I then saw my conduct;
+I see it otherwise now.  It frequently happens that a villainous action
+does not torment us at the instant we commit it, but on recollection, and
+sometimes even after a number of years have elapsed, for the remembrance
+of crimes is not to be extinguished.
+
+The only means I had to obtain news of Madam de Warrens was to remain at
+Annecy.  Where should I seek her in Paris? or how bear the expense of
+such a journey?  Sooner or later there was no place where I could be so
+certain to hear of her as that I was now at; this consideration
+determined me to remain there, though my conduct was very indifferent.
+I did not go to the bishop, who had already befriended me, and might
+continue to do so; my patroness was not present, and I feared his
+reprimands on the subject of our flight; neither did I go to the
+seminary, M. Graswas no longer there; in short, I went to none of my
+acquaintances.  I should gladly have visited the intendant's lady, but
+did not dare; I did worse, I sought out M. Venture, whom (notwithstanding
+my enthusiasm) I had never thought of since my departure.  I found him
+quite gay, in high spirits, and the universal favorite of the ladies of
+Annecy.
+
+This success completed my infatuation; I saw nothing but M. Venture; he
+almost made me forget even Madam de Warrens.  That I might profit more at
+ease by his instructions and example, I proposed to share his lodgings,
+to which he readily consented.  It was at a shoemaker's; a pleasant,
+jovial fellow, who, in his county dialect, called his wife nothing but
+trollop; an appellation which she certainly merited.  Venture took care
+to augment their differences, though under an appearance of doing the
+direct contrary, throwing out in a distant manner, and provincial
+accents, hints that produced the utmost effect, and furnished such scenes
+as were sufficient to make any one die with laughter.  Thus the mornings
+passed without our thinking of them; at two or three o'clock we took some
+refreshment.  Venture then went to his various engagements, where he
+supped, while I walked alone, meditating on his great merit, coveting and
+admiring his rare talents, and cursing my own unlucky stars, that did not
+call me to so happy a life.  How little did I then know of myself! mine
+had been a thousand times more delightful, had I not been such a fool, or
+known better how to enjoy it.
+
+Madam de Warrens had taken no one with her but Anet: Merceret, the
+chambermaid, whom I have before mentioned, still remained in the house.
+Merceret was something older than myself, not pretty, but tolerably
+agreeable; good-natured, free from malice, having no fault to my
+knowledge but being a little refractory with her mistress.  I often went
+to see her; she was an old acquaintance, who recalled to my remembrance
+one more beloved, and this made her dear to me.  She had several friends,
+and among others one Mademoiselle Giraud, a Genevese, who, for the
+punishment of my sins, took it in her head to have an inclination for me,
+always pressing Merceret, when she returned her visits, to bring me with
+her.  As I liked Merceret, I felt no disinclination to accompany her;
+besides I met there with some young people whose company pleased me.
+For Mademoiselle Giraud, who offered every kind of enticement, nothing
+could increase the aversion I had for her.  When she drew near me, with
+her dried black snout, smeared with Spanish snuff, it was with the utmost
+difficulty that I could refrain from expressing my distaste; but, being
+pleased with her visitors, I took patience.  Among these were two girls
+who (either to pay their court to Mademoiselle Giraud or myself) paid me
+every possible attention.  I conceived this to be only friendship; but
+have since thought it depended only on myself to have discovered
+something more, though I did not even think of it at the time.
+
+There was another reason for my stupidity.  Seamstresses, chambermaids,
+or milliners, never tempted me; I sighed for ladies!  Every one has his
+peculiar taste, this has ever been mine; being in this particular of a
+different opinion from Horace.  Yet it is not vanity of riches or rank
+that attracts me; it is a well-preserved complexion, fine hands, elegance
+of ornaments, an air of delicacy and neatness throughout the whole
+person; more in taste, in the manner of expressing themselves, a finer or
+better made gown, a well-turned ankle, small foot, ribbons, lace, and
+well-dressed hair; I even prefer those who have less natural beauty,
+provided they are elegantly decorated.  I freely confess this preference
+is very ridiculous; yet my heart gives in to it spite of my
+understanding.  Well, even this advantage presented itself, and it only
+depended on my own resolution to have seized the opportunity.
+
+How do I love, from time to time, to return to those moments of my youth,
+which were so charmingly delightful; so short, so scarce, and enjoyed at
+so cheap a rate!--how fondly do I wish to dwell on them!  Even yet the
+remembrance of these scenes warms my heart with a chaste rapture, which
+appears necessary to reanimate my drooping courage, and enable me to
+sustain the weariness of my latter days.
+
+The appearance of Aurora seemed so delightful one morning that, putting
+on my clothes, I hastened into the country, to see the rising of the sun.
+I enjoyed that pleasure in its utmost extent; it was one week after
+midsummer; the earth was covered with verdure and flowers, the
+nightingales, whose soft warblings were almost concluded, seemed to vie
+with each other, and in concert with birds of various kinds to bid adieu
+to spring, and hail the approach of a beautiful summer's day: one of
+those lovely days that are no longer to be enjoyed at my age, and which
+have never been seen on the melancholy soil I now inhabit.
+
+I had rambled insensibly, to a considerable distance from the town--the
+heat augmented--I was walking in the shade along a valley, by the side of
+a brook, I heard behind me the steps of horses, and the voice of some
+females who, though they seemed embarrassed, did not laugh the less
+heartily on that account.  I turn round, hear myself called by name, and
+approaching, find two young people of my acquaintance, Mademoiselle de
+G---- and Mademoiselle Galley, who, not being very excellent horsewomen,
+could not make their horses cross the rivulet.
+
+Mademoiselle de G---- was a young lady of Berne, very amiable; who,
+having been sent from that country for some youthful folly, had imitated
+Madam de Warrens, at whose house I had sometimes seen her; but not
+having, like her, a pension, she had been fortunate in this attachment to
+Mademoiselle Galley, who had prevailed on her mother to engage her young
+friend as a companion, till she could be otherwise provided for.
+Mademoiselle Galley was one year younger than her friend, handsomer,
+more delicate, more ingenious, and to complete all, extremely well made.
+They loved each other tenderly, and the good disposition of both could
+not fail to render their union durable, if some lover did not derange it.
+They informed me they were going to Toune, an old castle belonging to
+Madam Galley, and implored my assistance to make their horses cross the
+stream, not being able to compass it themselves.  I would have given each
+a cut or two with the whip, but they feared I might be kicked, and
+themselves thrown; I therefore had recourse to another expedient, I took
+hold of Mademoiselle Galley's horse and led him through the brook, the
+water reaching half-way up my legs.  The other followed without any
+difficulty.  This done, I would have paid my compliments to the ladies,
+and walked off like a great booby as I was, but after whispering each
+other, Mademoiselle de G---- said, "No, no, you must not think to escape
+thus; you have got wet in our service, and we ought in conscience to take
+care and dry you.  If you please you must go with us, you are now our
+prisoner."  My heart began to beat--I looked at Mademoiselle Galley
+--"Yes, yes," added she, laughing at my fearful look; "our prisoner of war;
+come, get up behind her, we shall give a good account of you."--"But,
+mademoiselle," continued I, "I have not the honor to be acquainted with
+your mother; what will she say on my arrival?"--"Her mother," replied
+Mademoiselle de G---- is not at Toune, we are alone, we shall return at
+night, and you shall come back with us."
+
+The stroke of electricity has not a more instantaneous effect than these
+words produced on me.  Leaping behind Mademoiselle de G----, I trembled
+with joy, and when it became necessary to clasp her in order to hold
+myself on, my heart beat so violently that she perceived it, and told me
+hers beat also from a fear of falling.  In my present posture, I might
+naturally have considered this an invitation to satisfy myself of the
+truth of her assertion, yet I did not dare, and during the whole way my
+arm served as a girdle (a very close one, I must confess), without being
+a moment displaced.  Some women that may read this would be for giving me
+a box on the ear, and, truly, I deserved it.
+
+The gayety of the journey, and the chat of these girls, so enlivened me,
+that during the whole time we passed together we never ceased talking a
+moment.  They had set me so thoroughly at ease, that my tongue spoke as
+fast as my eyes, though not exactly the same things.  Some minutes,
+indeed, when I was left alone with either, the conversation became a
+little embarrassed, but neither of them was absent long enough to allow
+time for explaining the cause.
+
+Arrived at Toune, and myself well dried, we breakfasted together; after
+which it was necessary to settle the important business of preparing
+dinner.  The young ladies cooked, kissing from time to time the farmer's
+children, while the poor scullion looked on grumbling.  Provisions had
+been sent for from town, and there was everything necessary for a good
+dinner, but unhappily they had forgotten wine; this forgetfulness was by
+no means astonishing to girls who seldom drank any, but I was sorry for
+the omission, as I had reckoned on its help, thinking it might add to my
+confidence.  They were sorry likewise, and perhaps from the same motive;
+though I have no reason to say this, for their lively and charming gayety
+was innocence itself; besides, there were two of them, what could they
+expect from me? they went everywhere about the neighborhood to seek for
+wine, but none could be procured, so pure and sober are the peasants in
+those parts.  As they were expressing their concern, I begged them not to
+give themselves any uneasiness on my account, for while with them I had
+no occasion for wine to intoxicate me.  This was the only gallantry I
+ventured at during the whole of the day, and I believe the sly rogues saw
+well enough that I said nothing but the truth.
+
+We dined in the kitchen; the two friends were seated on the benches, one
+on each side the long table, and their guest at the end, between them, on
+a three--legged stool.  What a dinner! how charming the remembrance!
+While we can enjoy, at so small an expense, such pure, such true
+delights, why should we be solicitous for others?  Never did those
+'petite soupes', so celebrated in Paris, equal this; I do not only say
+for real pleasure and gayety, but even for sensuality.
+
+After dinner, we were economical; instead of drinking the coffee we had
+reserved at breakfast, we kept it for an afternoon collation, with cream,
+and some cake they had brought with them.  To keep our appetites in play,
+we went into the orchard, meaning to finish our dessert with cherries.
+I got into a tree, throwing them down bunches, from which they returned
+the stones through the branches.  One time, Mademoiselle Galley, holding
+out her apron, and drawing back her head, stood so fair, and I took such
+good aim, that I dropped a bunch into her bosom.  On her laughing, I said
+to myself, "Why are not my lips cherries?  How gladly would I throw them
+there likewise."
+
+Thus the day passed with the greatest freedom, yet with the utmost
+decency; not a single equivocal word, not one attempt at double-meaning
+pleasantry; yet this delicacy was not affected, we only performed the
+parts our hearts dictated; in short, my modesty, some will say my folly,
+was such that the greatest familiarity that escaped me was once kissing
+the hand of Mademoiselle Galley; it is true, the attending circumstances
+helped to stamp a value on this trifling favor; we were alone, I was
+embarrassed, her eyes were fixed on the ground, and my lips, instead of
+uttering words, were pressed on her hand, which she drew gently back
+after the salute, without any appearance of displeasure.  I know not what
+I should have said to her; but her friend entered, and at that moment I
+thought her ugly.
+
+At length, they bethought themselves, that they must return to town
+before night; even now we had but just time to reach it by daylight;
+and we hastened our departure in the same order we came.  Had I pleased
+myself, I should certainly have reversed this order, for the glance of
+Mademoiselle Galley had reached my heart, but I dared not mention it,
+and the proposal could not reasonably come from her.  On the way, we
+expressed our sorrow that the day was over, but far from complaining of
+the shortness of its duration, we were conscious of having prolonged it
+by every possible amusement.
+
+I quitted them in nearly the same spot where I had taken them up.  With
+what regret did we part!  With what pleasure did we form projects to
+renew our meeting!  Delightful hours, which we passed innocently
+together, yet were worth ages of familiarity!  The sweet remembrance of
+those days cost those amiable girls nothing; the tender union which
+reigned among us equalled more lively pleasures, with which it could not
+have existed.  We loved each other without shame or mystery, and wished
+to continue our reciprocal affection.  There is a species of enjoyment
+connected with innocence of manners which is superior to any other,
+because it has no interval; for myself, the remembrance of such a day
+touches me nearer, delights me more, and returns with greater rapture to
+my heart than any other pleasure I ever tasted.  I hardly knew what I
+wished with those charming girls.  I do not say: that had the arrangement
+been in my power, I should have divided my heart between them;
+I certainly felt some degree of preference: though I should have been
+happy to have had Mademoiselle de G----, for a mistress, I think,
+by choice, I should have liked her, better as a confidante; be that as it
+may, I felt on leaving them as though I could not live without either.
+Who would have thought that I should never see them more; and that here
+our ephemeral amours must end?
+
+Those who read this will not fail to laugh at my gallantries, and remark,
+that after very promising preliminaries, my most forward adventures
+concluded by a kiss of the hand: yet be not mistaken, reader, in your
+estimate of my enjoyments; I have, perhaps, tasted more real pleasure in
+my amours, which concluded by a kiss of the hand, than you will ever have
+in yours, which, at least, begin there.
+
+Venture, who had gone to bed late the night before, came in soon after
+me.  I did not now see him with my usual satisfaction, and took care not
+to inform him how I had passed the day.  The ladies had spoken of him
+slightingly, and appeared discontented at finding me in such bad hands;
+this hurt him in my esteem; besides, whatever diverted my ideas from them
+was at this time disagreeable.  However, he soon brought me back to him
+and myself, by speaking of the situation of my affairs, which was too
+critical to last; for, though I spent very little, my slender finances
+were almost exhausted.  I was without resource; no news of Madam de
+Warrens; not knowing what would become of me, and feeling a cruel pang at
+heart to see the friend of Mademoiselle Galley reduced to beggary.
+
+I now learned from Venture that he had spoken of me to the Judge Major,
+and would take me next day to dine with him; that he was a man who by
+means of his friends might render me essential service.  In other
+respects he was a desirable acquaintance, being a man of wit and letters,
+of agreeable conversation, one who possessed talents and loved them in
+others.  After this discourse (mingling the most serious concerns with
+the most trifling frivolity) he showed me a pretty couplet, which came
+from Paris, on an air in one of Mouret's operas, which was then playing.
+Monsieur Simon (the judge major) was so pleased with this couplet, that
+he determined to make another in answer to it, on the same air.  He had
+desired Venture to write one, and he wished me to make a third, that, as
+he expressed it, they might see couplets start up next day like incidents
+in a comic romance.
+
+In the night (not being able to sleep) I composed a couplet, as my first
+essay in poetry.  It was passable; better, or at least composed with more
+taste than it would have been the preceding night, the subject being
+tenderness, to which my heart was now entirely disposed.  In the morning
+I showed my performance to Venture, who, being pleased with the couplet,
+put it in his pocket, without informing me whether he had made his.  We
+dined with M. Simon, who treated us very politely.  The conversation was
+agreeable; indeed it could not be otherwise between two men of natural
+good sense, improved by reading.  For me, I acted my proper part, which
+was to listen without attempting to join in the conversation.  Neither of
+them mentioned the couplet nor do I know that it ever passed for mine.
+M. Simon appeared satisfied with my behavior; indeed, it was almost all
+he saw of me at this interview.  We had often met at Madam de Warrens,
+but he had never paid much attention to me; it is from this dinner,
+therefore, that I date our acquaintance, which, though of no use in
+regard to the object I then had in view, was afterwards productive of
+advantages which make me recollect it with pleasure.  I should be wrong
+not to give some account of this person, since from his office of
+magistrate, and the reputation of wit on which he piqued himself, no idea
+could be formed of it. The judge major, Simon, certainly was not two feet
+high; his legs spare, straight, and tolerably long, would have added
+something to his stature had they been vertical, but they stood in the
+direction of an open pair of compasses.  His body was not only short, but
+thin, being in every respect of most inconceivable smallness--when naked
+he must have appeared like a grasshopper.  His head was of the common
+size, to which appertained a well-formed face, a noble look, and
+tolerably fine eyes; in short, it appeared a borrowed head, stuck on a
+miserable stump.  He might very well have dispensed with dress, for his
+large wig alone covered him from head to foot.
+
+He had two voices, perfectly different, which intermingled perpetually in
+his conversation, forming at first a diverting, but afterwards a very
+disagreeable contrast.  One grave and sonorous, was, if I may hazard the
+expression, the voice of his head: the other, clear, sharp, and piercing,
+the voice of his body.  When he paid particular attention, and spoke
+leisurely, so as to preserve his breath, he could continue his deep tone;
+but if he was the least animated, or attempted a lively accent, his voice
+sounded like the whistling of a key, and it was with the utmost
+difficulty that he could return to the bass.
+
+With the figure I have just described, and which is by no means
+overcharged, M. Simon was gallant, ever entertaining the ladies with
+soft tales, and carrying the decoration of his person even to foppery.
+Willing to make use of every advantage he, during the morning, gave
+audience in bed, for when a handsome head was discovered on the pillow no
+one could have imagined what belonged to it.  This circumstance gave
+birth to scenes, which I am certain are yet remembered by all Annecy.
+
+One morning, when he expected to give audience in bed, or rather on the
+bed, having on a handsome night-cap ornamented with rose-colored ribbon,
+a countryman arriving knocked at the door; the maid happened to be out;
+the judge, therefore, hearing the knock repeated, cried "Come in," and,
+as he spoke rather loud, it was in his shrill tone.  The man entered,
+looked about, endeavoring to discover whence the female voice proceeded
+and at length seeing a handsome head-dress set off with ribbons, was
+about to leave the room, making the supposed lady a hundred apologies.
+M. Simon, in a rage, screamed the more; and the countryman, yet more
+confirmed in his opinion, conceiving himself to be insulted, began
+railing in his turn, saying that, "Apparently, she was nothing better
+than a common streetwalker, and that the judge major should be ashamed of
+setting such ill examples."  The enraged magistrate, having no other
+weapon than the jordan under his bed, was just going to throw it at the
+poor fellow's head as his servant returned.
+
+This dwarf, ill-used by nature as to his person, was recompensed by
+possessing an understanding naturally agreeable, and which he had been
+careful to cultivate.  Though he was esteemed a good lawyer, he did not
+like his profession, delighting more in the finer parts of literature,
+which he studied with success: above all, he possessed that superficial
+brilliancy, the art of pleasing in conversation, even with the ladies.
+He knew by heart a number of little stories, which he perfectly well knew
+how to make the most of; relating with an air of secrecy, and as an
+anecdote of yesterday, what happened sixty years before.  He understood
+music, and could sing agreeably; in short, for a magistrate, he had many
+pleasing talents.  By flattering the ladies of Annecy, he became
+fashionable among them, appearing continually in their train.  He even
+pretended to favors, at which they were much amused.  A Madam D'Epigny
+used to say "The greatest favor he could aspire to, was to kiss a lady on
+her knees."
+
+As he was well read, and spoke fluently, his conversation was both
+amusing and instructive.  When I afterwards took a taste for study,
+I cultivated his acquaintance, and found my account in it: when at
+Chambery, I frequently went from thence to see him.  His praises
+increased my emulation, to which he added some good advice respecting the
+prosecution of my studies, which I found useful.  Unhappily, this weakly
+body contained a very feeling soul.  Some years after, he was chagrined
+by I know not what unlucky affair, but it cost him his life.  This was
+really unfortunate, for he was a good little man, whom at a first
+acquaintance one laughed at, but afterwards loved.  Though our situations
+in life were very little connected with each other, as I received some
+useful lessons from him, I thought gratitude demanded that I should
+dedicate a few sentences to his memory.
+
+As soon as I found myself at liberty, I ran into the street where
+Mademoiselle Galley lived, flattering myself that I should see someone go
+in or out, or at least open a window, but I was mistaken, not even a cat
+appeared, the house remaining as close all the time as if it had been
+uninhabited.  The street was small and lonely, any one loitering about
+was, consequently, more likely to be noticed; from time to time people
+passed in and out of the neighborhood; I was much embarrassed, thinking
+my person might be known, and the cause that brought me there
+conjectured; this idea tortured me, for I have ever preferred the honor
+and happiness of those I love to my own pleasures.
+
+At length, weary of playing the Spanish lover, and having no guitar,
+I determined to write to Mademoiselle de G----.  I should have preferred
+writing to her friend, but did not dare take that liberty, as it appeared
+more proper to begin with her to whom I owed the acquaintance, and with
+whom I was most familiar.  Having written my letter, I took it to
+Mademoiselle Giraud, as the young ladies had agreed at parting, they
+having furnished me with this expedient.  Mademoiselle Giraud was a
+quilter, and sometimes worked at Madam Galley's, which procured her free
+admission to the house.  I must confess, I was not thoroughly satisfied
+with this messenger, but was cautious of starting difficulties, fearing
+that if I objected to her no other might be named, and it was impossible
+to intimate that she had an inclination to me herself.  I even felt
+humiliated that she should think I could imagine her of the same sex as
+those young ladies: in a word, I accepted her agency rather than none,
+and availed myself of it at all events.
+
+At the very first word, Giraud discovered me.  I must own this was not a
+difficult matter, for if sending a letter to young girls had not spoken
+sufficiently plain, my foolish embarrassed air would have betrayed me.
+It will easily be supposed that the employment gave her little
+satisfaction, she undertook it, however, and performed it faithfully.
+The next morning I ran to her house and found an answer ready for me.
+How did I hurry away that I might have an opportunity to read and kiss it
+alone!  though this need not been told, but the plan adopted by
+Mademoiselle Giraud (and in which I found more delicacy and moderation
+than I had expected) should.  She had sense enough to conclude that her
+thirty--seven years, hare's eyes, daubed nose, shrill voice, and black
+skin, stood no chance against two elegant young girls, in all the height
+and bloom of beauty; she resolved, therefore, nether to betray nor assist
+them, choosing rather to lose me entirely than entertain me for them.
+
+As Merceret had not heard from her mistress for some time, she thought of
+returning to Fribourg, and the persuasions of Giraud determined her; nay
+more, she intimated it was proper someone should conduct her to her
+father's and proposed me.  As I happened to be agreeable to little
+Merceret, she approved the idea, and the same day they mentioned it to me
+as a fixed point.  Finding nothing displeasing in the manner they had
+disposed of me, I consented, thinking it could not be above a week's
+journey at most; but Giraud, who had arranged the whole affair, thought
+otherwise.  It was necessary to avow the state of my finances, and the
+conclusion was, that Merceret should defray my expenses; but to retrench
+on one hand what was expended on the other, I advised that her little
+baggage should be sent on before, and that we should proceed by easy
+journeys on foot.
+
+I am sorry to have so many girls in love with me, but as there is nothing
+to be very vain of in the success of these amours, I think I may tell the
+truth without scruple.  Merceret, younger and less artful than Giraud,
+never made me so many advances, but she imitated my manners, my actions,
+repeated my words, and showed me all those little attentions I ought to
+have had for her.  Being very timorous, she took great care that we
+should both sleep in the same chamber; a circumstance that usually
+produces some consequences between a lad of twenty and a girl of twenty
+--five.
+
+For once, however, it went no further; my simplicity being such, that
+though Merceret was by no means a disagreeable girl, an idea of gallantry
+never entered my head, and even if it had, I was too great a novice to
+have profited by it.  I could not imagine how two young persons could
+bring themselves to sleep together, thinking that such familiarity must
+require an age of preparation.  If poor Merceret paid my expenses in
+hopes of any return, she was terribly cheated, for we arrived at Fribourg
+exactly as we had quitted Annecy.
+
+I passed through Geneva without visiting any one.  While going over the
+bridges, I found myself so affected that I could scarcely proceed.  Never
+could I see the walls of that city, never could I enter it, without
+feeling my heart sink from excess of tenderness, at the same time that
+the image of liberty elevated my soul.  The ideas of equality, union, and
+gentleness of manners, touched me even to tears, and inspired me with a
+lively regret at having forfeited all these advantages.  What an error
+was I in!  but yet how natural!  I imagined I saw all this in my native
+country, because I bore it in my heart.
+
+It was necessary to pass through Nion: could I do this without seeing my
+good father?  Had I resolved on doing so, I must afterwards have died
+with regret.  I left Merceret at the inn, and ventured to his house.
+How wrong was I to fear him!  On seeing me, his soul gave way to the
+parental tenderness with which it was filled.  What tears were mingled
+with our embraces!  He thought I was returned to him: I related my
+history, and informed him of my resolution.  He opposed it feebly,
+mentioning the dangers to which I exposed myself, and telling me the
+shortest follies were best, but did not attempt to keep me by force,
+in which particular I think he acted right; but it is certain he did not
+do everything in his power to detain me, even by fair means.  Whether
+after the step I had taken, he thought I ought not to return, or was
+puzzled at my age to know what to do with me--I have since found that he
+conceived a very unjust opinion of my travelling companion.  My step
+--mother, a good woman, a little coaxingly put on an appearance of wishing
+me to stay to supper; I did not, however, comply, but told them I
+proposed remaining longer with them on my return; leaving as a deposit
+my little packet, that had come by water, and would have been an
+incumbrance, had I taken it with me.  I continued my journey the next
+morning, well satisfied that I had seen my father, and had taken courage
+to do my duty.
+
+We arrived without any accident at Fribourg.  Towards the conclusion of
+the journey, the politeness of Mademoiselle Merceret rather diminished,
+and, after our arrival, she treated me even with coldness.  Her father,
+who was not in the best circumstances, did not show me much attention,
+and I was obliged to lodge at an alehouse.  I went to see them the next
+morning, and received an invitation to dine there, which I accepted.  We
+separated without tears at night; I returned to my paltry lodging, and
+departed the second day after my arrival, almost without knowing whither
+to go to.
+
+This was a circumstance of my life in which Providence offered me
+precisely what was necessary to make my days pass happily.  Merceret was
+a good girl, neither witty, handsome, nor ugly; not very lively, but
+tolerably rational, except while under the influence of some little
+humors, which usually evaporated in tears, without any violent outbreak
+of temper.  She had a real inclination for me; I might have married her
+without difficulty, and followed her father's business.  My taste for
+music would have made me love her; I should have settled at Fribourg, a
+small town, not pretty, but inhabited by very worthy people--I should
+certainly have missed great pleasures, but should have lived in peace to
+my last hour, and I must know best what I should have gained by such a
+step.
+
+I did not return to Nion, but to Lausanne, wishing to gratify myself with
+a view of that beautiful lake which is seen there in its utmost extent.
+The greater part of my secret motives have not been so reasonable.
+Distant expectation has rarely strength enough to influence my actions;
+the uncertainty of the future ever making me regard projects whose
+execution requires a length of time as deceitful lures.  I give in to
+visionary scenes of hope as well as others, provided they cost nothing,
+but if attended with any trouble, I have done with them.  The smallest,
+the most trifling pleasure that is conveniently within my reach, tempts
+me more than all the joys of paradise.  I must except, however, those
+pleasures which are necessarily followed by pain; I only love those
+enjoyments which are unadulterated, which can never be the case where we
+are conscious they must be followed by repentance.
+
+It was necessary I should arrive at some place, and the nearest was best;
+for having lost my way on the road, I found myself in the evening at
+Moudon, where I spent all that remained of my little stock except ten
+creuzers, which served to purchase my next day's dinner.  Arriving in the
+evening at Lausanne, I went into an ale-house, without a penny in my
+pocket to pay for my lodging, or knowing what would become of me.  I
+found myself extremely hungry--setting, therefore, a good face on the
+matter, I ordered supper, made my meal, went to bed without thought and
+slept with great composure.  In the morning, having breakfasted and
+reckoned with my host, I offered to leave my waistcoat in pledge for
+seven batz, which was the amount of my expenses.  The honest man refused
+this, saying, thank Heaven, he had never stripped any one, and would not
+now begin for seven batz, adding I should keep my waistcoat and pay him
+when I could.  I was affected with this unexpected kindness, but felt it
+less than I ought to have done, or have since experienced on the
+remembrance of it.  I did not fail sending him his money, with thanks, by
+one I could depend on.  Fifteen years after, passing Lausanne, on my
+return from Italy, I felt a sensible regret at having forgotten the name
+of the landlord and house.  I wished to see him, and should have felt
+real pleasure in recalling to his memory that worthy action.
+Services which doubtless have been much more important, but rendered with
+ostentation, have not appeared to me so worthy of gratitude as the simple
+unaffected humanity of this honest man.
+
+As I approached Lausanne, I thought of my distress, and the means of
+extricating myself, without appearing in want to my step-mother.
+I compared myself, in this walking pilgrimage, to my friend Venture,
+on his arrival at Annecy, and was so warmed with the idea, that without
+recollecting that I had neither his gentility nor his talents, I
+determined to act the part of little Venture at Lausanne, to teach music,
+which I did not understand, and say I came from Paris, where I had never
+been.
+
+In consequence of this noble project (as there was no company where I
+could introduce myself without expense, and not choosing to venture among
+professional people), I inquired for some little inn, where I could lodge
+cheap, and was directed to one named Perrotet, who took in boarders.
+This Perrotet, who was one of the best men in the world, received me very
+kindly, and after having heard my feigned story and profession, promised
+to speak of me, and endeavored to procure me scholars, saying he should
+not expect any money till I had earned it.  His price for board, though
+moderate in itself, was a great deal to me; he advised me, therefore, to
+begin with half board, which consisted of good soup only for dinner, but
+a plentiful supper at night.  I closed with this proposition, and the
+poor Perrotet trusted me with great cheerfulness, sparing, meantime, no
+trouble to be useful to me.
+
+Having found so many good people in my youth, why do I find so few in my
+age?  Is their race extinct?  No; but I do not seek them in the same
+situation I did formerly, among the commonality, where violent passions
+predominate only at intervals, and where nature speaks her genuine
+sentiments.  In more elevated stations they are entirely smothered, and
+under the mask of sentiment, only interest or vanity is heard.
+
+Having written to my father from Lausanne, he sent my packet and some
+excellent advice, of which I should have profited better.  I have already
+observed that I have moments of inconceivable delirium, in which I am
+entirely out of myself.  The adventure I am about to relate is an
+instance of this: to comprehend how completely my brain was turned, and
+to what degree I had 'Venturised' (if I may be allowed the expression),
+the many extravagances I ran into at the same time should be considered.
+Behold me, then, a singing master, without knowing how to note a common
+song; for if the five or six months passed with Le Maitre had improved
+me, they could not be supposed sufficient to qualify me for such an
+undertaking; besides, being taught by a master was enough (as I have
+before observed) to make me learn ill.  Being a Parisian from Geneva,
+and a Catholic in a Protestant country, I thought I should change my name
+with my religion and country, still approaching as near as possible to
+the great model I had in view.  He called himself Venture de Villeneuve.
+I changed, by anagram, the name Rousseau into that of Vaussore, calling
+myself Monsieur Vaussore de Villeneuve.  Venture was a good composer,
+though he had not said so; without knowing anything of the art, I boasted
+of my skill to every one.  This was not all: being presented to Monsieur
+de Freytorens, professor of law, who loved music, and who gave concerts
+at his house, nothing would do but I must give him a proof of my talents,
+and accordingly I set about composing a piece for his concerts, as boldly
+as if I had really understood the science.  I had the constancy to labor
+a fortnight at this curious business, to copy it fair, write out the
+different parts, and distribute them with as much assurance as if they
+had been masterpieces of harmony; in short (what will hardly be believed,
+though strictly true), I tacked a very pretty minuet to the end of it,
+that was commonly played about the streets, and which many may remember
+from these words, so well known at that time:
+
+                         Quel caprice!
+                         Quel injustice!
+                         Quio, tu Clarice
+                         Trahiriot tes feux?  &'c.
+
+Venture had taught me this air with the bass, set to other words, by the
+help of which I had retained it: thus at the end of my composition, I put
+this minuet and bass, suppressing the words, and uttering it for my own
+as confidently as if I had been speaking to the inhabitants of the moon.
+They assembled to perform my piece; I explain to each the movement, taste
+of execution, and references to his part--I was fully occupied.  They
+were five or six minutes preparing, which were for me so many ages: at
+length, everything is adjusted, myself in a conspicuous situation, a fine
+roll of paper in my hand, gravely preparing to beat time.  I gave four or
+five strokes with my paper, attending with "take care!"  they begin
+--No, never since French operas existed was there such a confused discord!
+The minuet, however, presently put all the company in good humor; hardly
+was it begun, before I heard bursts of laughter from all parts, every one
+congratulated me on my pretty taste for music, declaring this minuet
+would make me spoken of, and that I merited the loudest praise.  It is
+not necessary to describe my uneasiness, or to own how much I deserved
+it.
+
+Next day, one of the musicians, named Lutold, came to see me and was kind
+enough to congratulate me on my success.  The profound conviction of my
+folly, shame, regret, and the state of despair to which I was reduced,
+with the impossibility of concealing the cruel agitation of my heart,
+made me open it to him; giving, therefore, a loose to my tears, not
+content with owning my ignorance, I told all, conjuring him to secrecy;
+he kept his word, as every one will suppose.  The same evening, all
+Lausanne knew who I was, but what is remarkable, no one seemed to know,
+not even the good Perrotet, who (notwithstanding what had happened)
+continued to lodge and board me.
+
+I led a melancholy life here; the consequences of such an essay had not
+rendered Lausanne a very agreeable residence.  Scholars did not present
+themselves in crowds, not a single female, and not a person of the city.
+I had only two or three great dunces, as stupid as I was ignorant, who
+fatigued me to death, and in my hands were not likely to edify much.
+
+At length, I was sent for to a house, where a little serpent of a girl
+amused herself by showing me a parcel of music that I could not read a
+note of, and which she had the malice to sing before her master, to teach
+him how it should be executed; for I was so unable to read an air at
+first sight, that in the charming concert I have just described, I could
+not possibly follow the execution a moment, or know whether they played
+truly what lay before them, and I myself had composed.
+
+In the midst of so many humiliating circumstances, I had the pleasing
+consolation, from time to time, of receiving letters from my two charming
+friends.  I have ever found the utmost consolatory virtue in the fair;
+when in disgrace, nothing softens my affliction more than to be sensible
+that an amiable woman is interested for me.  This correspondence ceased
+soon after, and was never renewed: indeed it was my own fault, for in
+changing situations I neglected sending my address, and forced by
+necessity to think perpetually of myself, I soon forgot them.
+
+It is a long time since I mentioned Madam de Warrens, but it should not
+be supposed I had forgotten her; never was she a moment absent from my
+thoughts.  I anxiously wished to find her, not merely because she was
+necessary to my subsistence, but because she was infinitely more
+necessary to my heart.  My attachment to her (though lively and tender,
+as it really was) did not prevent my loving others, but then it was not
+in the same manner.  All equally claimed my tenderness for their charms,
+but it was those charms alone I loved, my passion would not have survived
+them, while Madam de Warrens might have become old or ugly without my
+loving her the less tenderly.  My heart had entirely transmitted to
+herself the homage it first paid to her beauty, and whatever change she
+might experience, while she remained herself, my sentiments could not
+change.  I was sensible how much gratitude I owed to her, but in truth, I
+never thought of it, and whether she served me or not, it would ever have
+been the same thing.  I loved her neither from duty, interest, nor
+convenience; I loved her because I was born to love her.  During my
+attachment to another, I own this affection was in some measure deranged;
+I did not think so frequently of her, but still with the same pleasure,
+and never, in love or otherwise, did I think of her without feeling that
+I could expect no true happiness in life while in a state of separation.
+
+Though in so long a time I had received no news from Madam de Warrens, I
+never imagined I had entirely lost her, or that she could have forgotten
+me.  I said to myself, she will know sooner or later that I am wandering
+about, and will find some means to inform me of her situation: I am
+certain I shall find her.  In the meantime, it was a pleasure to live in
+her native country, to walk in the streets where she had walked, and
+before the houses that she had lived in; yet all this was the work of
+conjecture, for one of my foolish peculiarities was, not daring to
+inquire after her, or even pronounce her name without the most absolute
+necessity.  It seemed in speaking of her that I declared all I felt, that
+my lips revealed the secrets of my heart, and in some degree injured the
+object of my affection.  I believe fear was likewise mingled with this
+idea; I dreaded to hear ill of her.  Her management had been much spoken
+of, and some little of her conduct in other respects; fearing, therefore,
+that something might be said which I did not wish to hear, I preferred
+being silent on the subject.
+
+As my scholars did not take up much of my time, and the town where she
+was born was not above four leagues from Lausanne, I made it a walk of
+three or four days; during which time a most pleasant emotion never left
+me.  A view of the lake of Geneva and its admirable banks, had ever, in
+my idea, a particular attraction which I cannot describe; not arising
+merely from the beauty of the prospect, but something else, I know not
+why, more interesting, which affects and softens me.  Every time I have
+approached the Vaudois country I have experienced an impression composed
+of the remembrance of Madam de Warrens, who was born there; of my father,
+who lived there; of Miss Vulson, who had been my first love, and of
+several pleasant journeys I had made there in my childhood, mingled with
+some nameless charm, more powerfully attractive than all the rest.  When
+that ardent desire for a life of happiness and tranquility (which ever
+follows me, and for which I was born) inflames my mind, 'tis ever to the
+country of Vaud, near the lake, in those charming plains, that
+imagination leads me.  An orchard on the banks of that lake, and no
+other, is absolutely necessary; a firm friend, an amiable woman, a cow,
+and a little boat; nor could I enjoy perfect happiness on earth without
+these concomitants.  I laugh at the simplicity with which I have several
+times gone into that country for the sole purpose of seeking this
+imaginary happiness when I was ever surprised to find the inhabitants,
+particularly the women, of a quite different disposition to what I
+sought.  How strange did this appear to me!  The country and people who
+inhabit it, were never, in my idea, formed for each other.
+
+Walking along these beautiful banks, on my way to Vevay, I gave myself
+up to the soft melancholy; my heart rushed with ardor into a thousand
+innocent felicities; melting to tenderness, I sighed and wept like a
+child.  How often, stopping to weep more at my ease, and seated on a
+large stone, did I amuse myself with seeing my tears drop into the water.
+
+On my arrival at Vevay, I lodged at the Key, and during the two days I
+remained there, without any acquaintance, conceived a love for that city,
+which has followed me through all my travels, and was finally the cause
+that I fixed on this spot, in the novel I afterwards wrote, for the
+residence of my hero and heroines.  I would say to any one who has taste
+and feeling, go to Vevay, visit the surrounding country, examine the
+prospects, go on the lake and then say, whether nature has not designed
+this country for a Julia, a Clara, and a St. Preux; but do not seek them
+there.  I now return to my story.
+
+Giving myself out for a Catholic, I followed without mystery or scruple
+the religion I had embraced.  On a Sunday, if the weather was fine, I
+went to hear mass at Assans, a place two leagues distant from Lausanne,
+and generally in company with other Catholics, particularly a Parisian
+embroiderer, whose name I have forgotten.  Not such a Parisian as myself,
+but a real native of Paris, an arch-Parisian from his maker, yet honest
+as a peasant.  He loved his country so well, that he would not doubt my
+being his countryman, for fear he should not have so much occasion to
+speak of it.  The lieutenant-governor, M. de Crouzas, had a gardener, who
+was likewise from Paris, but not so complaisant; he thought the glory of
+his country concerned, when any one claimed that honor who was not really
+entitled to it; he put questions to me, therefore, with an air and tone,
+as if certain to detect me in a falsehood, and once, smiling malignantly,
+asked what was remarkable in the 'Marcheneuf'?  It may be supposed I
+asked the question; but I have since passed twenty years at Paris, and
+certainly know that city, yet was the same question repeated at this day,
+I should be equally embarrassed to answer it, and from this embarrassment
+it might be concluded I had never been there: thus, even when we meet
+with truths, we are subject to build our opinions on circumstances, which
+may easily deceive us.
+
+I formed no ideas, while at Lausanne, that were worth recollecting, nor
+can I say exactly how long I remained there; I only know that not finding
+sufficient to subsist on, I went from thence to Neutchatel, where I
+passed the winter.  Here I succeeded better, I got some scholars, and
+saved enough to pay my good friend Perrotet, who had faithfully sent my
+baggage, though at that time I was considerably in his debt.
+
+By continuing to teach music, I insensibly gained some knowledge of it.
+The life I led was sufficiently agreeable, and any reasonable man might
+have been satisfied, but my unsettled heart demanded something more.
+On Sundays, or whenever I had leisure, I wandered, sighing and
+thoughtful, about the adjoining woods, and when once out of the city
+never returned before night.  One day, being at Boudry, I went to dine at
+a public-house, where I saw a man with a long beard, dressed in a
+violet-colored Grecian habit, with a fur cap, and whose air and manner
+were rather noble.  This person found some difficulty in making himself
+understood, speaking only an unintelligible jargon, which bore more
+resemblance to Italian than any other language.  I understood almost all
+he said, and I was the only person present who could do so, for he was
+obliged to make his request known to the landlord and others about him by
+signs.  On my speaking a few words in Italian, which he perfectly
+understood, he got up and embraced me with rapture; a connection was soon
+formed, and from that moment, I became his interpreter.  His dinner was
+excellent, mine rather worse than indifferent, he gave me an invitation
+to dine with him, which I accepted without much ceremony.  Drinking and
+chatting soon rendered us familiar, and by the end of the repast we had
+all the disposition in the world to become inseparable companions.  He
+informed me he was a Greek prelate, and 'Archimandrite' of Jerusalem;
+that he had undertaken to make a gathering in Europe for the
+reestablishment of the Holy Sepulchre, and showed me some very fine
+patents from the czarina, the emperor, and several other sovereigns.
+He was tolerably content with what he had collected hitherto, though he
+had experienced inconceivable difficulties in Germany; for not
+understanding a word of German, Latin, or French, he had been obliged to
+have recourse to his Greek, Turkish Lingua Franca, which did not procure
+him much in the country he was travelling through; his proposal,
+therefore, to me was, that I should accompany him in the quality of
+secretary and interpreter.  In spite of my violet-colored coat, which
+accorded well enough with the proposed employment, he guessed from my
+meagre appearance, that I should easily be gained; and he was not
+mistaken.  The bargain was soon made, I demanded nothing, and he promised
+liberally; thus, without any security or knowledge of the person I was
+about to serve, I gave myself up entirely to his conduct, and the next
+day behold me on an expedition to Jerusalem.
+
+We began our expedition unsuccessfully by the canton of Fribourg.
+Episcopal dignity would not suffer him to play the beggar, or solicit
+help from private individuals; but we presented his commission to the
+Senate, who gave him a trifling sum.  From thence we went to Berne, where
+we lodged at the Falcon, then a good inn, and frequented by respectable
+company; the public table being well supplied and numerously attended.
+I had fared indifferently so long, that I was glad to make myself amends,
+therefore took care to profit by the present occasion.  My lord, the
+Archimandrite, was himself an excellent companion, loved good cheer, was
+gay, spoke well for those who understood him, and knew perfectly well how
+to make the most of his Grecian erudition.  One day, at dessert while
+cracking nuts, he cut his finger pretty deeply, and as it bled freely
+showed it to the company, saying with a laugh, "Mirate, signori; questo a
+sangue Pelasgo."
+
+At Berne, I was not useless to him, nor was my performance so bad as I
+had feared: I certainly spoke better and with more confidence than I
+could have done for myself.  Matters were not conducted here with the
+same simplicity as at Fribourg; long and frequent conferences were
+necessary with the Premiers of the State, and the examination of his
+titles was not the work of a day; at length, everything being adjusted,
+he was admitted to an audience by the Senate; I entered with him as
+interpreter, and was ordered to speak.  I expected nothing less, for it
+never entered my mind, that after such long and frequent conferences with
+the members, it was necessary to address the assembly collectively, as if
+nothing had been said.  Judge my embarrassment!--a man so bashful to
+speak, not only in public, but before the whole of the Senate of Berne!
+to speak impromptu, without a single moment for recollection; it was
+enough to annihilate me--I was not even intimidated.  I described
+distinctly and clearly the commission of the Archimandrite; extolled the
+piety of those princes who had contributed, and to heighten that of their
+excellencies by emulation, added that less could not be expected from
+their well--known munificence; then, endeavoring to prove that this good
+work was equally interesting to all Christians, without distinction of
+sect; and concluded by promising the benediction of Heaven to all those
+who took part in it.  I will not say that my discourse was the cause of
+our success, but it was certainly well received; and on our quitting the
+Archimandrite was gratified by a very genteel present, to which some very
+handsome compliments were added on the understanding of his secretary;
+these I had the agreeable office of interpreting; but could not take
+courage to render them literally.
+
+This was the only time in my life that I spoke in public, and before a
+sovereign; and the only time, perhaps, that I spoke boldly and well.
+What difference in the disposition of the same person.  Three years ago,
+having been to see my old friend, M. Roguin, at Yverdon, I received a
+deputation to thank me for some books I had presented to the library of
+that city; the Swiss are great speakers; these gentlemen, accordingly,
+made me a long harangue, which I thought myself obliged in honor to
+answer, but so embarrassed myself in the attempt, that my head became
+confused, I stopped short, and was laughed at.  Though naturally timid,
+I have sometimes acted with confidence in my youth, but never in my
+advanced age: the more I have seen of the world the less I have been able
+to adapt its manners.
+
+On leaving Berne, we went to Soleurre: the Archimandrite designing to
+re-enter Germany, and return through Hungary or Poland to his own country.
+This would have been a prodigious tour; but as the contents of his purse
+rather increased than diminished during his journey, he was in no haste
+to return.  For me, who was almost as much pleased on horseback as on
+foot, I would have desired no better than to have travelled thus during
+my whole life; but it was pre-ordained that my journey should soon end.
+
+The first thing we did after our arrival at Soleurre, was to pay our
+respects to the French ambassador there.  Unfortunately for my bishop,
+this chanced to be the Marquis de Bonac, who had been ambassador at the
+Porte, and was acquainted with every particular relative to the Holy
+Sepulchre.  The Archimandrite had an audience that lasted about a quarter
+of an hour, to which I was not admitted, as the ambassador spoke French
+and Italian at least as well as myself.  On my Grecian's retiring, I was
+prepared to follow him, but was detained: it was now my turn.  Having
+called myself a Parisian, as such, I was under the jurisdiction of his
+excellency: he therefore asked me who I was?  exhorting me to tell the
+truth; this I promised to do, but entreated a private audience, which was
+immediately granted.  The ambassador took me to his closet, and shut the
+door; there, throwing myself at his feet, I kept my word, nor should I
+have said less, had I promised nothing, for a continual wish to unbosom
+myself, puts my heart perpetually upon my lips.  After having disclosed
+myself without reserve to the musician Lutold, there was no occasion to
+attempt acting the mysterious with the Marquis de Bonac, who was so well
+pleased with my little history, and the ingenuousness with which I had
+related it, that he led me to the ambassadress, and presented me, with an
+abridgment of my recital.  Madam de Bonac received me kindly, saying,
+I must not be suffered to follow that Greek monk.  It was accordingly
+resolved that I should remain at their hotel till something better could
+be done for me.  I wished to bid adieu to my poor Archimandrite, for whom
+I had conceived an attachment, but was not permitted; they sent him word
+that I was to be detained there, and in quarter of an hour after, I saw
+my little bundle arrive.  M. de la Martiniere, secretary of the embassy,
+had in a manner the care of me; while following him to the chamber
+appropriated to my use, he said, "This apartment was occupied under the
+Count de Luc, by a celebrated man of the same name as yourself; it is in
+your power to succeed him in every respect, and cause it to be said
+hereafter, Rousseau the First, Rousseau the Second."  This similarity
+which I did not then expect, would have been less flattering to my wishes
+could I have foreseen at what price I should one day purchase the
+distinction.
+
+What M. de la  Martiniere had said excited my curiosity; I read the works
+of the person whose chamber I occupied, and on the strength of the
+compliment that had been paid me (imagining I had a taste for poetry)
+made my first essay in a cantata in praise of Madam de Bonac.  This
+inclination was not permanent, though from time to time I have composed
+tolerable verses.  I think it is a good exercise to teach elegant turns
+of expression, and to write well in prose, but could never find
+attractions enough in French poetry to give entirely in to it.
+
+M. de la Martiniere wished to see my style, and asked me to write the
+detail I had before made the ambassador; accordingly I wrote him a long
+letter, which I have since been informed was preserved by M. de Marianne,
+who had long been attached to the Marquis de Bonac, and has since
+succeeded M. de Martiniere as secretary to the embassy of M. de
+Courtellies.
+
+The experience I began to acquire tended to moderate my romantic
+projects; for example, I did not fall in love with Madam de Bonac, but
+also felt I did not stand much chance of succeeding in the service of her
+husband.  M. de la Martiniere was already in the only place that could
+have satisfied my ambition, and M. de Marianne in expectancy: thus my
+utmost hopes could only aspire to the office of under secretary, which
+did not infinitely tempt me: this was the reason that when consulted on
+the situation I should like to be placed in, I expressed a great desire
+to go to Paris.  The ambassador readily gave in to the idea, which at
+least tended to disembarrass him of me.  M. de Mervilleux interpreting
+secretary to the embassy, said, that his friend, M. Godard, a Swiss
+colonel, in the service of France, wanted a person to be with his nephew,
+who had entered very young into the service, and made no doubt that I
+should suit him.  On this idea, so lightly formed, my departure was
+determined; and I, who saw a long journey to perform with Paris at the
+end of it, was enraptured with the project.  They gave me several
+letters, a hundred livres to defray the expenses of my journey,
+accompanied with some good advice, and thus equipped I departed.
+
+I was a fortnight making the journey, which I may reckon among the
+happiest days of my life.  I was young, in perfect health, with plenty of
+money, and the most brilliant hopes, add to this, I was on foot, and
+alone.  It may appear strange, I should mention the latter circumstance
+as advantageous, if my peculiarity of temper is not already familiar to
+the reader.  I was continually occupied with a variety of pleasing
+chimeras, and never did the warmth of my imagination produce more
+magnificent ones.  When offered an empty place in a carriage, or any
+person accosted me on the road, how vexed was I to see that fortune
+overthrown, whose edifice, while walking, I had taken such pains to rear.
+
+For once my ideas were all martial: I was going to live with a military
+man; nay, to become one, for it was concluded I should begin with being a
+cadet.  I already fancied myself in regimentals, with a fine white
+feather nodding on my hat, and my heart was inflamed by the noble idea.
+I had some smattering of geometry and fortification; my uncle was an
+engineer; I was in a manner a soldier by inheritance.  My short sight,
+indeed, presented some little obstacle, but did not by any means
+discourage me, as I reckoned to supply that defect by coolness and
+intrepidity.  I had read, too, that Marshal Schomberg was remarkably
+shortsighted, and why might not Marshal Rousseau be the same?  My
+imagination was so warm by these follies, that it presented nothing but
+troops, ramparts, gabions, batteries, and myself in the midst of fire and
+smoke, an eyeglass in hand, commanding with the utmost tranquility.
+Notwithstanding, when the country presented a delightful prospect, when I
+saw charming groves and rivulets, the pleasing sight made me sigh with
+regret, and feel, in the midst of all this glory, that my heart was not
+formed for such havoc; and soon without knowing how, I found my thoughts
+wandering among my dear sheep-folds, renouncing forever the labor of
+Mars.
+
+How much did Paris disappoint the idea I had formed of it!  The exterior
+decorations I had seen at Turin, the beauty of the streets, the symmetry
+and regularity of the houses, contributed to this disappointment, since I
+concluded that Paris must be infinitely superior.  I had figured to
+myself a splendid city, beautiful as large, of the most commanding
+aspect, whose streets were ranges of magnificent palaces, composed of
+marble and gold.  On entering the faubourg St. Marceau, I saw nothing but
+dirty stinking streets, filthy black houses, an air of slovenliness and
+poverty, beggars, carters, butchers, cries of diet-drink and old hats.
+This struck me so forcibly, that all I have since seen of real
+magnificence in Paris could never erase this first impression, which has
+ever given me a particular disgust to residing in that capital; and I may
+say, the whole time I remained there afterwards, was employed in seeking
+resources which might enable me to live at a distance from it.  This is
+the consequence of too lively imagination, which exaggerates even beyond
+the voice of fame, and ever expects more than is told.  I have heard
+Paris so flatteringly described, that I pictured it like the ancient
+Babylon, which, perhaps, had I seen, I might have found equally faulty,
+and unlike that idea the account had conveyed.  The same thing happened
+at the Opera-house, to which I hastened the day after my arrival!  I was
+sensible of the same deficiency at Versailles!  and some time after on
+viewing the sea.  I am convinced this would ever be the consequence of a
+too flattering description of any object; for it is impossible for man,
+and difficult even for nature herself, to surpass the riches of my
+imagination.
+
+By the reception I met with from all those to whom my letters were
+addressed, I thought my fortune was certainly made.  The person who
+received me the least kindly was M. de Surbeck, to whom I had the
+warmest recommendation.  He had retired from the service, and lived
+philosophically at Bagneux, where I waited on him several times without
+his offering me even a glass of water.  I was better received by Madam de
+Merveilleux, sister-in-law to the interpreter, and by his nephew, who was
+an officer in the guards.  The mother and son not only received me
+kindly, but offered me the use of their table, which favor I frequently
+accepted during my stay at Paris.
+
+Madam de Merveilleux appeared to have been handsome; her hair was of a
+fine black, which, according to the old mode, she wore curled on the
+temples.  She still retained (what do not perish with a set of features)
+the beauties of an amiable mind.  She appeared satisfied with mine, and
+did all she could to render me service; but no one seconded her
+endeavors, and I was presently undeceived in the great interest they had
+seemed to take in my affairs.  I must, however, do the French nation the
+justice to say, they do not so exhaust themselves with protestations,
+as some have represented, and that those they make are usually sincere;
+but they have a manner of appearing interested in your affairs, which is
+more deceiving than words.  The gross compliments of the Swiss can only
+impose upon fools; the manners of the French are more seducing, and at
+the same time so simple, that you are persuaded they do not express all
+they mean to do for you, in order that you may be the more agreeably
+surprised.  I will say more; they are not false in their protestations,
+being naturally zealous to oblige, humane, benevolent, and even (whatever
+may be said to the contrary) more sincere than any other nation; but they
+are too flighty: in effect they feel the sentiments they profess for you,
+but that sentiment flies off as instantaneously as it was formed.  In
+speaking to you, their whole attention is employed on you alone, when
+absent you are forgotten.  Nothing is permanent in their hearts, all is
+the work of the moment.
+
+Thus I was greatly flattered, but received little service.  Colonel
+Godard for whose nephew I was recommended, proved to be an avaricious old
+wretch, who, on seeing my distress (though he was immensely rich), wished
+to have my services for nothing, meaning to place me with his nephew,
+rather as a valet without wages than a tutor.  He represented that as I
+was to be continually engaged with him, I should be excused from duty,
+and might live on my cadet's allowance; that is to say, on the pay of a
+soldier: hardly would he consent to give me a uniform, thinking the
+clothing of the army might serve.  Madam de Merveilleux, provoked at his
+proposals, persuaded me not to accept them; her son was of the same
+opinion; something else was to be thought on, but no situation was
+procured.  Meantime, I began to be necessitated; for the hundred livres
+with which I had commenced my journey could not last much longer;
+happily, I received a small remittance from the ambassador, which was
+very serviceable, nor do I think he would have abandoned me had I
+possessed more patience; but languishing, waiting, soliciting, are to me
+impossible: I was disheartened, displeased, and thus all my brilliant
+expectations came once more to nothing.  I had not all this time
+forgotten my dear Madam de Warrens, but how was I to find her?  Where
+should I seek her?  Madam de Merveilleux, who knew my story, assisted me
+in the search, but for a long time unavailingly; at length, she informed
+me that Madam de Warrens had set out from Paris about two months before,
+but it was not known whether for Savoy or Turin, and that some
+conjectured she was gone to Switzerland.  Nothing further was necessary
+to fix my determination to follow her, certain that wherever she might
+be, I stood more chance of finding her at those places than I could
+possibly do at Paris.
+
+Before my departure, I exercised my new poetical talent in an epistle to
+Colonel Godard, whom I ridiculed to the utmost of my abilities.  I showed
+this scribble to Madam de Merveilleux, who, instead of discouraging me,
+as she ought to have done, laughed heartily at my sarcasms, as well as
+her son, who, I believe, did not like M. Godard; indeed, it must be
+confessed, he was a man not calculated to obtain affection.  I was
+tempted to send him my verses, and they encouraged me in it; accordingly
+I made them up in a parcel directed to him, and there being no post then
+at Paris by which I could conveniently send this, I put it in my pocket,
+and sent it to him from Auxerre, as I passed through that place.  I
+laugh, even yet, sometimes, at the grimaces I fancy he made on reading
+this panegyric, where he was certainly drawn to the life; it began thus:
+
+          Tu croyois, vieux Penard, qu' une folle manie
+          D' elever ton neveu m'inspireroit l'envie.
+
+This little piece, which, it is true, was but indifferently written; did
+not want for salt, and announced a turn for satire; it is,
+notwithstanding, the only satirical writing that ever came from my pen.
+I have too little hatred in my heart to take advantage of such a talent;
+but I believe it may be judged from those controversies, in which from
+time to time I have been engaged in my own defence, that had I been of a
+vindictive disposition, my adversaries would rarely have had the laughter
+on their side.
+
+What I most regret, is not having kept a journal of my travels, being
+conscious that a number of interesting details have slipped my memory;
+for never did I exist so completely, never live so thoroughly, never was
+so much myself, if I dare use the expression, as in those journeys made
+on foot.  Walking animates and enlivens my spirits; I can hardly think
+when in a state of inactivity; my body must be exercised to make my
+judgmemt active.  The view of a fine country, a succession of agreeable
+prospects, a free air, a good appetite, and the health I gained by
+walking; the freedom of inns, and the distance from everything that can
+make me recollect the dependence of my situation, conspire to free my
+soul, and give boldness to my thoughts, throwing me, in a manner, into
+the immensity of beings, where I combine, choose and appropriate them to
+my fancy, without constraint or fear.  I dispose of all nature as I
+please; my heart wandering from object to object, approximates and unites
+with those that please it, is surrounded by charming images, and becomes
+intoxicated with delicious sensations.  If, attempting to render these
+permanent, I am amused in describing to myself, what glow of coloring,
+what energy of expression, do I give them!--It has been said, that all
+these are to be found in my works, though written in the decline of life.
+Oh!  had those of my early youth been seen, those made during my travels,
+composed, but never written!--Why did I not write them?  will be asked;
+and why should I have written them?  I may answer.  Why deprive myself of
+the actual charm of my enjoyments to inform others what I enjoyed?  What
+to me were readers, the public, or all the world, while I was mounting
+the empyrean.  Besides, did I carry pens, paper and ink with me?  Had I
+recollected all these, not a thought would have occurred worth
+preserving.  I do not foresee when I shall have ideas; they come when
+they please, and not when I call for them; either they avoid me
+altogether, or rushing in crowds, overwhelm me with their force and
+number.  Ten volumes a day would not suffice barely to enumerate my
+thoughts; how then should I find time to write them?  In stopping, I
+thought of nothing but a hearty dinner; on departing, of nothing but a
+charming walk; I felt that a new paradise awaited me at the door, and
+eagerly leaped forward to enjoy it.
+
+Never did I experience this so feelingly as in the perambulation I am now
+describing.  On coming to Paris, I had confined myself to ideas which
+related to the situation I expected to occupy there.  I had rushed into
+the career I was about to run, and should have completed it with
+tolerable eclat, but it was not that my heart adhered to.  Some real
+beings obscured my imagined ones--Colonel Godard and his nephew could not
+keep pace with a hero of my disposition.  Thank Heaven, I was soon
+delivered from all these obstacles, and could enter at pleasure into the
+wilderness of chimeras, for that alone remained before me, and I wandered
+in it so completely that I several times lost my way; but this was no
+misfortune, I would not have shortened it, for, feeling with regret, as I
+approached Lyons, that I must again return to the material world, I
+should have been glad never to have arrived there.
+
+One day, among others, having purposely gone out of my way to take a
+nearer view of a spot that appeared delightful, I was so charmed with it,
+and wandered round it so often, that at length I completely lost myself,
+and after several hours' useless walking, weary, fainting with hunger and
+thirst, I entered a peasant's hut, which had not indeed a very promising
+appearance, but was the only one I could discover near me.  I thought it
+was here, as at Geneva, or in Switzerland, where the inhabitants, living
+at ease, have it in their power to exercise hospitality.  I entreated the
+countryman to give me some dinner, offering to pay for it: on which he
+presented me with some skimmed milk and coarse barley--bread, saying it
+was all he had.  I drank the milk with pleasure, and ate the bread, chaff
+and all; but it was not very restorative to a man sinking with fatigue.
+The countryman, who watched me narrowly, judged the truth of my story by
+my appetite, and presently (after having said that he plainly saw I was
+an honest, good--natured young man, and did not come to betray him)
+opened a little trap door by the side of his kitchen, went down, and
+returned a moment after with a good brown loaf of pure wheat, the remains
+of a well-flavored ham, and a bottle of wine, the sight of which rejoiced
+my heart more than all the rest: he then prepared a good thick omelet,
+and I made such a dinner as none but a walking traveller ever enjoyed.
+
+When I again offered to pay, his inquietude and fears returned; he not
+only would have no money, but refused it with the most evident emotion;
+and what made this scene more amusing, I could not imagine the motive of
+his fear.  At length, he pronounced tremblingly those terrible words,
+"Commissioners," and "Cellar-rats," which he explained by giving me to
+understand that he concealed his wine because of the excise, and his
+bread on account of the tax imposed on it; adding, he should be an undone
+man, if it was suspected he was not almost perishing with want.  What he
+said to me on this subject (of which I had not the smallest idea) made an
+impression on my mind that can never be effaced, sowing seeds of that
+inextinguishable hatred which has since grow up in my heart against the
+vexations these unhappy people suffer, and against their oppressors.
+This man, though in easy circumstances, dare not eat the bread gained by
+the sweat of his brow, and could only escape destruction by exhibiting an
+outward appearance of misery!--I left his cottage with as much
+indignation as concern, deploring the fate of those beautiful countries,
+where nature has been prodigal of her gifts, only that they may become
+the prey of barbarous exactors.
+
+The incident which I have just related, is the only one I have a distinct
+remembrance of during this journey: I recollect, indeed, that on
+approaching Lyons, I wished to prolong it by going to see the banks of
+the Lignon; for among the romances I had read with my father, Astrea was
+not forgotten and returned more frequently to my thoughts than any other.
+Stopping for some refreshment (while chatting with my hostess), I
+inquired the way to Forez, and was informed that country was an excellent
+place for mechanics, as there were many forges, and much iron work done
+there.  This eulogium instantly calmed my romantic curiosity, for I felt
+no inclination to seek Dianas and Sylvanders among a generation of
+blacksmiths.  The good woman who encouraged me with this piece of
+information certainly thought I was a journeyman locksmith.
+
+I had some view in going to Lyons: on my arrival, I went to the
+Chasattes, to see Mademoiselle du Chatelet, a friend of Madam de Warrens,
+for whom I had brought a letter when I came there with M. le Maitre,
+so that it was an acquaintance already formed.  Mademoiselle du Chatelet
+informed me her friend had passed through Lyons, but could not tell
+whether she had gone on to Piedmont, being uncertain at her departure
+whether it would not be necessary to stop in Savoy; but if I choose,
+she would immediately write for information, and thought my best plan
+would be to remain at Lyons till she received it.  I accepted this offer;
+but did not tell Mademoiselle du Chatelet how much I was pressed for an
+answer, and that my exhausted purse would not permit me to wait long.
+It was not an appearance of coolness that withheld me, on the contrary,
+I was very kindly received, treated on the footing of equality, and this
+took from me the resolution of explaining my circumstances, for I could
+not bear to descend from a companion to a miserable beggar.
+
+I seem to have retained a very connecting remembrance of that part of my
+life contained in this book; yet I think I remember, about the same
+period, another journey to Lyons, (the particulars of which I cannot
+recollect) where I found myself much straitened, and a confused
+remembrance of the extremities to which I was reduced does not contribute
+to recall the idea agreeably.  Had I been like many others, had I
+possessed the talent of borrowing and running in debt at every ale-house
+I came to, I might have fared better; but in that my incapacity equalled
+my repugnance, and to demonstrate the prevalence of both, it will be
+sufficient to say, that though I have passed almost my whole life in
+indifferent circumstances, and frequently have been near wanting bread,
+I was never once asked for money by a creditor without having it in my
+power to pay it instantly; I could never bear to contract clamorous
+debts, and have ever preferred suffering to owing.
+
+Being reduced to pass my nights in the streets, may certainly be called
+suffering, and this was several times the case at Lyons, having preferred
+buying bread with the few pence I had remaining, to bestowing them on a
+lodging; as I was convinced there was less danger of dying for want of
+sleep than of hunger.  What is astonishing, while in this unhappy
+situation, I took no care for the future, was neither uneasy nor
+melancholy, but patiently waited an answer to Mademoiselle du Chatelet's
+letter, and lying in the open air, stretched on the earth, or on a bench,
+slept as soundly as if reposing on a bed of roses.  I remember,
+particularly, to have passed a most delightful night at some distance
+from the city, in a road which had the Rhone, or Soane, I cannot
+recollect which, on the one side, and a range of raised gardens, with
+terraces, on the other.  It had been a very hot day, the evening was
+delightful, the dew moistened the fading grass, no wind was stirring,
+the air was fresh without chillness, the setting sun had tinged the
+clouds with a beautiful crimson, which was again reflected by the water,
+and the trees that bordered the terrace were filled with nightingales who
+were continually answering each other's songs.  I walked along in a kind
+of ecstasy, giving up my heart and senses to the enjoyment of so many
+delights, and sighing only from a regret of enjoying them alone.
+Absorbed in this pleasing reverie, I lengthened my walk till it grew very
+late, without perceiving I was tired; at length, however, I discovered
+it, and threw myself on the step of a kind of niche, or false door,
+in the terrace wall.  How charming was the couch!  the trees formed a
+stately canopy, a nightingale sat directly over me, and with his soft
+notes lulled me to rest: how pleasing my repose; my awaking more so.
+It was broad day; on opening my eyes I saw the water, the verdure, and
+the admirable landscape before me.  I arose, shook off the remains of
+drowsiness, and finding I was hungry, retook the way to the city,
+resolving, with inexpressible gayety, to spend the two pieces of six
+francs I had yet remaining in a good breakfast.  I found myself so
+cheerful that I went all the way singing; I even remember I sang a
+cantata of Batistin's called the Baths of Thomery, which I knew by heart.
+May a blessing light on the good Batistin and his good cantata, which
+procured me a better breakfast than I had expected, and a still better
+dinner which I did not expect at all!  In the midst of my singing,
+I heard some one behind me, and turning round perceived an Antonine,
+who followed after and seemed to listen with pleasure to my song.
+At length accosting me, he asked, If I understood music.  I answered,
+"A little," but in a manner to have it understood I knew a great deal,
+and as he continued questioning of me, related a part of my story.
+He asked me, If I had ever copied music?  I replied, "Often," which was
+true: I had learned most by copying.  "Well," continued he, "come with
+me, I can employ you for a few days, during which time you shall want for
+nothing; provided you consent not to quit my room."  I acquiesced very
+willingly, and followed him.
+
+This Antonine was called M. Rotichon; he loved music, understood it, and
+sang in some little concerts with his friends; thus far all was innocent
+and right, but apparently this taste had become a furor, part of which he
+was obliged to conceal.  He conducted me into a chamber, where I found a
+great quantity of music: he gave me some to copy, particularly the
+cantata he had heard me singing, and which he was shortly to sing
+himself.
+
+I remained here three or four days, copying all the time I did not eat,
+for never in my life was I so hungry, or better fed.  M. Rolichon brought
+my provisions himself from the kitchen, and it appeared that these good
+priests lived well, at least if every one fared as I did.  In my life, I
+never took such pleasure in eating, and it must be owned this good cheer
+came very opportunely, for I was almost exhausted.  I worked as heartily
+as I ate, which is saying a great deal; 'tis true I was not as correct as
+diligent, for some days after, meeting M. Rolichon in the street, he
+informed me there were so many omissions, repetitions, and
+transpositions, in the parts I had copied, that they could not be
+performed.  It must be owned, that in choosing the profession of music,
+I hit on that I was least calculated for; yet my voice was good and I
+copied neatly; but the fatigue of long works bewilders me so much, that
+I spend more time in altering and scratching out than in pricking down,
+and if I do not employ the strictest attention in comparing the several
+parts, they are sure to fail in the execution.  Thus, through endeavoring
+to do well, my performance was very faulty; for aiming at expedition,
+I did all amiss.  This did not prevent M. Rolichon from treating me well
+to the last, and giving me half-a-crown at my departure, which I
+certainly did not deserve, and which completely set me up, for a few days
+after I received news from Madam de Warrens, who was at Chambery, with
+money to defray the expenses of my journey to her, which I performed with
+rapture.  Since then my finances have frequently been very low, but never
+at such an ebb as to reduce me to fasting, and I mark this period with a
+heart fully alive to the bounty of Providence, as the last of my life in
+which I sustained poverty and hunger.
+
+I remained at Lyons seven or eight days to wait for some little
+commissions with which Madam de Warrens had charged Mademoiselle du
+Chatelet, who during this interval I visited more assiduously than
+before, having the pleasure of talking with her of her friend, and being
+no longer disturbed by the cruel remembrance of my situation, or painful
+endeavors to conceal it.  Mademoiselle du Chatelet was neither young nor
+handsome, but did not want for elegance; she was easy and obliging while
+her understanding gave price to her familiarity.  She had a taste for
+that kind of moral observation which leads to the knowledge of mankind,
+and from her originated that study in myself.  She was fond of the works
+of Le Sage, particularly Gil Blas, which she lent me, and recommended to
+my perusal.  I read this performance with pleasure, but my judgment was
+not yet ripe enough to relish that sort of reading.  I liked romances
+which abounded with high-flown sentiments.
+
+Thus did I pass my time at the grate of Mademoiselle du Chatelet, with as
+much profit as pleasure.  It is certain that the interesting and sensible
+conversation of a deserving woman is more proper to form the
+understanding of a young man than all the pedantic philosophy of books.
+I got acquainted at the Chasattes with some other boarders and their
+friends, and among the rest, with a young person of fourteen, called
+Mademoiselle Serre, whom I did not much notice at that time, though I was
+in love with her eight or nine years afterwards, and with great reason,
+for she was a most charming girl.
+
+I was fully occupied with the idea of seeing Madam de Warrens, and this
+gave some respite to my chimeras, for finding happiness in real objects
+I was the less inclined to seek it in nonentities.  I had not only found
+her, but also by her means, and near her, an agreeable situation, having
+sent me word that she had procured one that would suit me, and by which I
+should not be obliged to quit her.  I exhausted all my conjectures in
+guessing what this occupation could be, but I must have possessed the art
+of divination to have hit it on the right.  I had money sufficient to
+make my journey agreeable: Mademoiselle du Chatelet persuaded me to hire
+a horse, but this I could not consent to, and I was certainly right,
+for by so doing I should have lost the pleasure of the last pedestrian
+expedition I ever made; for I cannot give that name to those excursions I
+have frequently taken about my own neighborhood, while I lived at
+Motiers.
+
+It is very singular that my imagination never rises so high as when my
+situation is least agreeable or cheerful.  When everything smiles around
+me, I am least amused; my heart cannot confine itself to realities,
+cannot embellish, but must create.  Real objects strike me as they really
+are, my imagination can only decorate ideal ones.  If I would paint the
+spring, it must be in winter; if describe a beautiful landscape, it must
+be while surrounded with walls; and I have said a hundred times, that
+were I confined in the Bastile, I could draw the most enchanting picture
+of liberty.  On my departure from Lyons, I saw nothing but an agreeable
+future, the content I now with reason enjoyed was as great as my
+discontent had been at leaving Paris, notwithstanding, I had not during
+this journey any of those delightful reveries I then enjoyed.  My mind
+was serene, and that was all; I drew near the excellent friend I was
+going to see, my heart overflowing with tenderness, enjoying in advance,
+but without intoxication, the pleasure of living near her; I had always
+expected this, and it was as if nothing new had happened.  Meantime,
+I was anxious about the employment Madam de Warrens had procured me,
+as if that alone had been material.  My ideas were calm and peaceable,
+not ravishing and celestial; every object struck my sight in its natural
+form; I observed the surrounding landscape, remarked the trees, the
+houses, the springs, deliberated on the cross-roads, was fearful of
+losing myself, yet did not do so; in a word, I was no longer in the
+empyrean, but precisely where I found myself, or sometimes perhaps at
+the end of my journey, never farther.
+
+I am in recounting my travels, as I was in making them, loath to arrive
+at the conclusion.  My heart beat with joy as I approached my dear Madam
+de Warrens, but I went no faster on that account.  I love to walk at my
+ease, and stop at leisure; a strolling life is necessary to me:
+travelling on foot, in a fine country, with fine weather and having an
+agreeable object to terminate my journey, is the manner of living of all
+others most suited to my taste.
+
+It is already understood what I mean by a fine country; never can a flat
+one, though ever so beautiful, appear such in my eyes: I must have
+torrents, fir trees, black woods, mountains to climb or descend, and
+rugged roads with precipices on either side to alarm me.  I experienced
+this pleasure in its utmost extent as I approached Chambery, not far from
+a mountain which is called Pas de l'Echelle.  Above the main road, which
+is hewn through the rock, a small river runs and rushes into fearful
+chasms, which it appears to have been millions of ages in forming.  The
+road has been hedged by a parapet to prevent accidents, which enabled me
+to contemplate the whole descent, and gain vertigoes at pleasure; for a
+great part of my amusement in these steep rocks, is, they cause a
+giddiness and swimming in my head, which I am particularly fond of,
+provided I am in safety; leaning, therefore, over the parapet, I remained
+whole hours, catching, from time to time, a glance of the froth and blue
+water, whose rushing caught my ear, mingled with the cries of ravens, and
+other birds of prep that flew from rock to rock, and bush to bush, at six
+hundred feet below me.  In places where the slope was tolerably regular,
+and clear enough from bushes to let stones roll freely, I went a
+considerable way to gather them, bringing those I could but just carry,
+which I piled on the parapet, and then threw down one after the other,
+being transported at seeing them roll, rebound, and fly into a thousand
+pieces, before they reached the bottom of the precipice.
+
+Near Chambery I enjoyed an equal pleasing spectacle, though of a
+different kind; the road passing near the foot of the most charming
+cascade I ever saw.  The water, which is very rapid, shoots from the top
+of an excessively steep mountain, falling at such a distance from its
+base that you may walk between the cascade and the rock without any
+inconvenience; but if not particularly careful it is easy to be deceived
+as I was, for the water, falling from such an immense height, separates,
+and descends in a rain as fine as dust, and on approaching too near this
+cloud, without perceiving it, you may be wet through in an instant.
+
+At length I arrived at Madam de Warrens; she was not alone, the
+intendant-general was with her.  Without speaking a word to me, she
+caught my hand, and presenting me to him with that natural grace which
+charmed all hearts, said: "This, sir, is the poor young man I mentioned;
+deign to protect him as long as he deserves it, and I shall feel no
+concern for the remainder of his life."  Then added, addressing herself
+to me, "Child, you now belong to the king, thank Monsieur the Intendant,
+who furnishes you with the means of existence."  I stared without
+answering, without knowing what to think of all this; rising ambition
+almost turned my head; I was already prepared to act the intendant
+myself.  My fortune, however, was not so brilliant as I had imagined, but
+it was sufficient to maintain me, which, as I was situated, was a capital
+acquisition.  I shall now explain the nature of my employment.
+
+King Victor Amadeus, judging by the event of preceding wars, and the
+situation of the ancient patrimony of his fathers, that he should not
+long be able to maintain it, wished to drain it beforehand.  Resolving,
+therefore, to tax the nobility, he ordered a general survey of the whole
+country, in order that it might be rendered more equal and productive.
+This scheme, which was begun under the father, was completed by the son:
+two or three hundred men, part surveyors, who were called geometricians,
+and part writers, who were called secretaries, were employed in this
+work: among those of the latter description Madam de Warrens had got me
+appointed.  This post, without being very lucrative, furnished the means
+of living eligibly in that country; the misfortune was, this employment
+could not be of any great duration, but it put me in train to procure
+something better, as by this means she hoped to insure the particular
+protection of the intendant, who might find me some more settled
+occupation before this was concluded.
+
+I entered on my new employment a few days after my arrival, and as there
+was no great difficulty in the business, soon understood it; thus, after
+four or five years of unsettled life, folly, and suffering, since my
+departure from Geneva, I began, for the first time, to gain my bread with
+credit.
+
+These long details of my early youth must have appeared trifling, and I
+am sorry for it: though born a man, in a variety of instances, I was long
+a child, and am so yet in many particulars.  I did not promise the public
+a great personage: I promised to describe myself as I am, and to know me
+in my advanced age it was necessary to have known me in my youth.  As,
+in general, objects that are present make less impression on me than the
+bare remembrance of them (my ideas being all from recollection), the
+first traits which were engraven on my mind have distinctly remained:
+those which have since been imprinted there, have rather combined with
+the former than effaced them.  There is a certain, yet varied succession
+of affections and ideas, which continue to regulate those that follow
+them, and this progression must be known in order to judge rightly of
+those they have influenced.  I have studied to develop the first causes,
+the better to show the concatenation of effects.  I would be able by some
+means to render my soul transparent to the eyes of the reader, and for
+this purpose endeavor to show it in every possible point of view, to give
+him every insight, and act in such a manner, that not a motion should
+escape him, as by this means he may form a judgment of the principles
+that produce them.
+
+Did I take upon myself to decide, and say to the reader, "Such is my
+character," he might think that if I did not endeavor to deceive him,
+I at least deceived myself; but in, recounting simply all that has
+happened to me, all my actions, thoughts, and feelings, I cannot lead him
+into an error, unless I do it wilfully, which by this means I could not
+easily effect, since it is his province to compare the elements, and
+judge of the being they compose: thus the result must be his work, and if
+he is then deceived the error will be his own.  It is not sufficient for
+this purpose that my recitals should be merely faithful, they must also
+be minute; it is not for me to judge of the importance of facts, I ought
+to declare them simply as they are, and leave the estimate that is to be
+formed of them to him.  I have adhered to this principle hitherto, with
+the most scrupulous exactitude, and shall not depart from it in the
+continuation; but the impressions of age are less lively than those of
+youth; I began by delineating the latter: should I recollect the rest
+with the same precision, the reader, may, perhaps, become weary and
+impatient, but I shall not be dissatisfied with my labor.  I have but one
+thing to apprehend in this undertaking: I do not dread saying too much,
+or advancing falsities, but I am fearful of not saying enough, or
+concealing truths.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau,
+Book IV., by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUSSEAU ***
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 4
+#4 in our series by Jean Jacques Rousseau
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+Title: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 4
+
+Author: Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+Release Date: April, 2003  [Etext #3904]
+[Yes, we are about one year ahead of schedule]
+[The actual date this file first posted = 08/12/01]
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+Edition: 10
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+Language: English
+
+The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of Rousseau, Book 4
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+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
+(In 12 books)
+
+Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
+
+London, 1903
+
+
+
+BOOK IV.
+
+
+Let any one judge my surprise and grief at not finding her on my arrival.
+I now felt regret at having abandoned M. le Maitre, and my uneasiness
+increased when I learned the misfortunes that had befallen him.  His box
+of music, containing all his fortune, that precious box, preserved with
+so much care and fatigue, had been seized on at Lyons by means of Count
+Dortan, who had received information from the Chapter of our having
+absconded with it.  In vain did Le Maitre reclaim his property, his means
+of existence, the labor of his life; his right to the music in question
+was at least subject to litigation, but even that liberty was not allowed
+him, the affair being instantly decided on the principal of superior
+strength.  Thus poor Le Maitre lost the fruit of his talents, the labor
+of his youth, and principal dependence for the support of old age.
+
+Nothing was wanting to render the news I had received truly afflicting,
+but I was at an age when even the greatest calamities are to be
+sustained; accordingly I soon found consolation.  I expected shortly
+to hear news of Madam de Warrens, though I was ignorant of the address,
+and she knew nothing of my return.  As to my desertion of Le Maitre (all
+things considered) I did not find it so very culpable.  I had been
+serviceable to him at his retreat; it was not in my power to give him any
+further assistance.  Had I remained with him in France it would not have
+cured his complaint.  I could not have saved his music, and should only
+have doubled his expense: in this point of view I then saw my conduct;
+I see it otherwise now.  It frequently happens that a villainous action
+does not torment us at the instant we commit it, but on recollection, and
+sometimes even after a number of years have elapsed, for the remembrance
+of crimes is not to be extinguished.
+
+The only means I had to obtain news of Madam de Warrens was to remain at
+Annecy.  Where should I seek her in Paris? or how bear the expense of
+such a journey?  Sooner or later there was no place where I could be so
+certain to hear of her as that I was now at; this consideration
+determined me to remain there, though my conduct was very indifferent.
+I did not go to the bishop, who had already befriended me, and might
+continue to do so; my patroness was not present, and I feared his
+reprimands on the subject of our flight; neither did I go to the
+seminary, M. Graswas no longer there; in short, I went to none of my
+acquaintances.  I should gladly have visited the intendant's lady, but
+did not dare; I did worse, I sought out M. Venture, whom (notwithstanding
+my enthusiasm) I had never thought of since my departure.  I found him
+quite gay, in high spirits, and the universal favorite of the ladies of
+Annecy.
+
+This success completed my infatuation; I saw nothing but M. Venture; he
+almost made me forget even Madam de Warrens.  That I might profit more at
+ease by his instructions and example, I proposed to share his lodgings,
+to which he readily consented.  It was at a shoemaker's; a pleasant,
+jovial fellow, who, in his county dialect, called his wife nothing but
+trollop; an appellation which she certainly merited.  Venture took care
+to augment their differences, though under an appearance of doing the
+direct contrary, throwing out in a distant manner, and provincial
+accents, hints that produced the utmost effect, and furnished such scenes
+as were sufficient to make any one die with laughter.  Thus the mornings
+passed without our thinking of them; at two or three o'clock we took some
+refreshment.  Venture then went to his various engagements, where he
+supped, while I walked alone, meditating on his great merit, coveting and
+admiring his rare talents, and cursing my own unlucky stars, that did not
+call me to so happy a life.  How little did I then know of myself! mine
+had been a thousand times more delightful, had I not been such a fool, or
+known better how to enjoy it.
+
+Madam de Warrens had taken no one with her but Anet: Merceret, the
+chambermaid, whom I have before mentioned, still remained in the house.
+Merceret was something older than myself, not pretty, but tolerably
+agreeable; good-natured, free from malice, having no fault to my
+knowledge but being a little refractory with her mistress.  I often went
+to see her; she was an old acquaintance, who recalled to my remembrance
+one more beloved, and this made her dear to me.  She had several friends,
+and among others one Mademoiselle Giraud, a Genevese, who, for the
+punishment of my sins, took it in her head to have an inclination for me,
+always pressing Merceret, when she returned her visits, to bring me with
+her.  As I liked Merceret, I felt no disinclination to accompany her;
+besides I met there with some young people whose company pleased me.
+For Mademoiselle Giraud, who offered every kind of enticement, nothing
+could increase the aversion I had for her.  When she drew near me, with
+her dried black snout, smeared with Spanish snuff, it was with the utmost
+difficulty that I could refrain from expressing my distaste; but, being
+pleased with her visitors, I took patience.  Among these were two girls
+who (either to pay their court to Mademoiselle Giraud or myself) paid me
+every possible attention.  I conceived this to be only friendship; but
+have since thought it depended only on myself to have discovered
+something more, though I did not even think of it at the time.
+
+There was another reason for my stupidity.  Seamstresses, chambermaids,
+or milliners, never tempted me; I sighed for ladies!  Every one has his
+peculiar taste, this has ever been mine; being in this particular of a
+different opinion from Horace.  Yet it is not vanity of riches or rank
+that attracts me; it is a well-preserved complexion, fine hands, elegance
+of ornaments, an air of delicacy and neatness throughout the whole
+person; more in taste, in the manner of expressing themselves, a finer or
+better made gown, a well-turned ankle, small foot, ribbons, lace, and
+well-dressed hair; I even prefer those who have less natural beauty,
+provided they are elegantly decorated.  I freely confess this preference
+is very ridiculous; yet my heart gives in to it spite of my
+understanding.  Well, even this advantage presented itself, and it only
+depended on my own resolution to have seized the opportunity.
+
+How do I love, from time to time, to return to those moments of my youth,
+which were so charmingly delightful; so short, so scarce, and enjoyed at
+so cheap a rate!--how fondly do I wish to dwell on them!  Even yet the
+remembrance of these scenes warms my heart with a chaste rapture, which
+appears necessary to reanimate my drooping courage, and enable me to
+sustain the weariness of my latter days.
+
+The appearance of Aurora seemed so delightful one morning that, putting
+on my clothes, I hastened into the country, to see the rising of the sun.
+I enjoyed that pleasure in its utmost extent; it was one week after
+midsummer; the earth was covered with verdure and flowers, the
+nightingales, whose soft warblings were almost concluded, seemed to vie
+with each other, and in concert with birds of various kinds to bid adieu
+to spring, and hail the approach of a beautiful summer's day: one of
+those lovely days that are no longer to be enjoyed at my age, and which
+have never been seen on the melancholy soil I now inhabit.
+
+I had rambled insensibly, to a considerable distance from the town--the
+heat augmented--I was walking in the shade along a valley, by the side of
+a brook, I heard behind me the steps of horses, and the voice of some
+females who, though they seemed embarrassed, did not laugh the less
+heartily on that account.  I turn round, hear myself called by name, and
+approaching, find two young people of my acquaintance, Mademoiselle de
+G---- and Mademoiselle Galley, who, not being very excellent horsewomen,
+could not make their horses cross the rivulet.
+
+Mademoiselle de G---- was a young lady of Berne, very amiable; who,
+having been sent from that country for some youthful folly, had imitated
+Madam de Warrens, at whose house I had sometimes seen her; but not
+having, like her, a pension, she had been fortunate in this attachment to
+Mademoiselle Galley, who had prevailed on her mother to engage her young
+friend as a companion, till she could be otherwise provided for.
+Mademoiselle Galley was one year younger than her friend, handsomer,
+more delicate, more ingenious, and to complete all, extremely well made.
+They loved each other tenderly, and the good disposition of both could
+not fail to render their union durable, if some lover did not derange it.
+They informed me they were going to Toune, an old castle belonging to
+Madam Galley, and implored my assistance to make their horses cross the
+stream, not being able to compass it themselves.  I would have given each
+a cut or two with the whip,, but they feared I might be kicked, and
+themselves thrown; I therefore had recourse to another expedient, I took
+hold of Mademoiselle Galley's horse and led him through the brook, the
+water reaching half-way up my legs.  The other followed without any
+difficulty.  This done, I would have paid my compliments to the ladies,
+and walked off like a great booby as I was, but after whispering each
+other, Mademoiselle de G---- said, "No, no, you must not think to escape
+thus; you have got wet in our service, and we ought in conscience to take
+care and dry you.  If you please you must go with us, you are now our
+prisoner."  My heart began to beat--I looked at Mademoiselle Galley----
+"Yes, yes," added she, laughing at my fearful look; "our prisoner of war;
+come, get up behind her, we shall give a good account of you."  But,
+mademoiselle," continued I, "I have not the honor to be acquainted with
+your mother; what will she say on my arrival?"--"Her mother," replied
+Mademoiselle de G---- is not at Toune, we are alone, we shall return at
+night, and you shall come back with us.
+
+The stroke of electricity has not a more instantaneous effect than these
+words produced on me.  Leaping behind Mademoiselle de G----, I trembled
+with joy, and when it became necessary to clasp her in order to hold
+myself on, my heart beat so violently that she perceived it, and told me
+hers beat also from a fear of falling.  In my present posture, I might
+naturally have considered this an invitation to satisfy myself of the
+truth of her assertion, yet I did not dare, and during the whole way my
+arm served as a girdle (a very close one, I must confess), without being
+a moment displaced.  Some women that may read this would be for giving me
+a box on the ear, and, truly, I deserved it.
+
+The gayety of the journey, and the chat of these girls, so enlivened me,
+that during the whole time we passed together we never ceased talking a
+moment.  They had set me so thoroughly at ease, that my tongue spoke as
+fast as my eyes, though not exactly the same things.  Some minutes,
+indeed, when I was left alone with either, the conversation became a
+little embarrassed, but neither of them was absent long enough to allow
+time for explaining the cause.
+
+Arrived at Toune, and myself well dried, we breakfasted together; after
+which it was necessary to settle the important business of preparing
+dinner.  The young ladies cooked, kissing from time to time the farmer's
+children, while the poor scullion looked on grumbling.  Provisions had
+been sent for from town, and there was everything necessary for a good
+dinner, but unhappily they had forgotten wine; this forgetfulness was by
+no means astonishing to girls who seldom drank any, but I was sorry for
+the omission, as I had reckoned on its help, thinking it might add to my
+confidence.  They were sorry likewise, and perhaps from the same motive;
+though I have no reason to say this, for their lively and charming gayety
+was innocence itself; besides, there were two of them, what could they
+expect from me? they went everywhere about the neighborhood to seek for
+wine, but none could be procured, so pure and sober are the peasants in
+those parts.  As they were expressing their concern, I begged them not to
+give themselves any uneasiness on my account, for while with them I had
+no occasion for wine to intoxicate me.  This was the only gallantry I
+ventured at during the whole of the day, and I believe the sly rogues saw
+well enough that I said nothing but the truth.
+
+We dined in the kitchen; the two friends were seated on the benches, one
+on each side the long table, and their guest at the end, between them, on
+a three--legged stool.  What a dinner! how charming the remembrance!
+While we can enjoy, at so small an expense, such pure, such true
+delights, why should we be solicitous for others?  Never did those
+'petite soupes', so celebrated in Paris, equal this; I do not only say
+for real pleasure and gayety, but even for sensuality.
+
+After dinner, we were economical; instead of drinking the coffee we had
+reserved at breakfast, we kept it for an afternoon collation, with cream,
+and some cake they had brought with them.  To keep our appetites in play,
+we went into the orchard, meaning to finish our dessert with cherries.
+I got into a tree, throwing them down bunches, from which they returned
+the stones through the branches.  One time, Mademoiselle Galley, holding
+out her apron, and drawing back her head, stood so fair, and I took such
+good aim, that I dropped a bunch into her bosom.  On her laughing, I said
+to myself, "Why are not my lips cherries?  How gladly would I throw them
+there likewise."
+
+Thus the day passed with the greatest freedom, yet with the utmost
+decency; not a single equivocal word, not one attempt at double-meaning
+pleasantry; yet this delicacy was not affected, we only performed the
+parts our hearts dictated; in short, my modesty, some will say my folly,
+was such that the greatest familiarity that escaped me was once kissing
+the hand of Mademoiselle Galley; it is true, the attending circumstances
+helped to stamp a value on this trifling favor; we were alone, I was
+embarrassed, her eyes were fixed on the ground, and my lips, instead of
+uttering words, were pressed on her hand, which she drew gently back
+after the salute, without any appearance of displeasure.  I know not what
+I should have said to her; but her friend entered, and at that moment I
+thought her ugly.
+
+At length, they bethought themselves, that they must return to town
+before night; even now we had but just time to reach it by daylight;
+and we hastened our departure in the same order we came.  Had I pleased
+myself, I should certainly have reversed this order, for the glance of
+Mademoiselle Galley had reached my heart, but I dared not mention it,
+and the proposal could not reasonably come from her.  On the way, we
+expressed our sorrow that the day was over, but far from complaining of
+the shortness of its duration, we were conscious of having prolonged it
+by every possible amusement.
+
+I quitted them in nearly the same spot where I had taken them up.  With
+what regret did we part!  With what pleasure did we form projects to
+renew our meeting!  Delightful hours, which we passed innocently
+together, yet were worth ages of familiarity!  The sweet remembrance of
+those days cost those amiable girls nothing; the tender union which
+reigned among us equalled more lively pleasures, with which it could not
+have existed.  We loved each other without shame or mystery, and wished
+to continue our reciprocal affection.  There is a species of enjoyment
+connected with innocence of manners which is superior to any other,
+because it has no interval; for myself, the remembrance of such a day
+touches me nearer, delights me more, and returns with greater rapture to
+my heart than any other pleasure I ever tasted.  I hardly knew what I
+wished with those charming girls.  I do not say: that had the arrangement
+been in my power, I should have divided my heart between them;
+I certainly felt some degree of preference: though I should have been
+happy to have had Mademoiselle de G----, for a mistress, I think,
+by choice, I should have liked her, better as a confidante; be that as it
+may, I felt on leaving them as though I could not live without either.
+Who would have thought that I should never see them more; and that here
+our ephemeral amours must end?
+
+Those who read this will not fail to laugh at my gallantries, and remark,
+that after very promising preliminaries, my most forward adventures
+concluded by a kiss of the hand: yet be not mistaken, reader, in your
+estimate of my enjoyments; I have, perhaps, tasted more real pleasure in
+my amours, which concluded by a kiss of the hand, than you will ever have
+in yours, which, at least, begin there.
+
+Venture, who had gone to bed late the night before, came in soon after
+me.  I did not now see him with my usual satisfaction, and took care not
+to inform him how I had passed the day.  The ladies had spoken of him
+slightingly, and appeared discontented at finding me in such bad hands;
+this hurt him in my esteem; besides, whatever diverted my ideas from them
+was at this time disagreeable.  However, he soon brought me back to him
+and myself, by speaking of the situation of my affairs, which was too
+critical to last; for, though I spent very little, my slender finances
+were almost exhausted.  I was without resource; no news of Madam de
+Warrens; not knowing what would become of me, and feeling a cruel pang at
+heart to see the friend of Mademoiselle Galley reduced to beggary.
+
+I now learned from Venture that he had spoken of me to the Judge Major,
+and would take me next day to dine with him; that he was a man who by
+means of his friends might render me essential service.  In other
+respects he was a desirable acquaintance, being a man of wit and letters,
+of agreeable conversation, one who possessed talents and loved them in
+others.  After this discourse (mingling the most serious concerns with
+the most trifling frivolity) he showed me a pretty couplet, which came
+from Paris, on an air in one of Mouret's operas, which was then playing.
+Monsieur Simon (the judge major) was so pleased with this couplet, that
+he determined to make another in answer to it, on the same air.  He had
+desired Venture to write one, and he wished me to make a third, that, as
+he expressed it, they might see couplets start up next day like incidents
+in a comic romance.
+
+In the night (not being able to sleep) I composed a couplet, as my first
+essay in poetry.  It was passable; better, or at least composed with more
+taste than it would have been the preceding night, the subject being
+tenderness, to which my heart was now entirely disposed.  In the morning
+I showed my performance to Venture, who, being pleased with the couplet,
+put it in his pocket, without informing me whether he had made his.  We
+dined with M. Simon, who treated us very politely.  The conversation was
+agreeable; indeed it could not be otherwise between two men of natural
+good sense, improved by reading.  For me, I acted my proper part, which
+was to listen without attempting to join in the conversation.  Neither of
+them mentioned the couplet nor do I know that it ever passed for mine.
+M. Simon appeared satisfied with my behavior; indeed, it was almost all
+he saw of me at this interview.  We had often met at Madam de Warrens,
+but he had never paid much attention to me; it is from this dinner,
+therefore, that I date our acquaintance, which, though of no use in
+regard to the object I then had in view, was afterwards productive of
+advantages which make me recollect it with pleasure.  I should be wrong
+not to give some account of this person, since from his office of
+magistrate, and the reputation of wit on which he piqued himself, no idea
+could be formed of it. The judge major, Simon, certainly was not two feet
+high; his legs spare, straight, and tolerably long, would have added
+something to his stature had they been vertical, but they stood in the
+direction of an open pair of compasses.  His body was not only short, but
+thin, being in every respect of most inconceivable smallness--when naked
+he must have appeared like a grasshopper.  His head was of the common
+size, to which appertained a well-formed face, a noble look, and
+tolerably fine eyes; in short, it appeared a borrowed head, stuck on a
+miserable stump.  He might very well have dispensed with dress, for his
+large wig alone covered him from head to foot.
+
+He had two voices, perfectly different, which intermingled perpetually in
+his conversation, forming at first a diverting, but afterwards a very
+disagreeable contrast.  One grave and sonorous, was, if I may hazard the
+expression, the voice of his head: the other, clear, sharp, and piercing,
+the voice of his body.  When he paid particular attention, and spoke
+leisurely, so as to preserve his breath, he could continue his deep tone;
+but if he was the least animated, or attempted a lively accent, his voice
+sounded like the whistling of a key, and it was with the utmost
+difficulty that he could return to the bass.
+
+With the figure I have just described, and which is by no means
+overcharged, M. Simon was gallant, ever entertaining the ladies with
+soft tales, and carrying the decoration of his person even to foppery.
+Willing to make use of every advantage he, during the morning, gave
+audience in bed, for when a handsome head was discovered on the pillow no
+one could have imagined what belonged to it.  This circumstance gave
+birth to scenes, which I am certain are yet remembered by all Annecy.
+
+One morning, when he expected to give audience in bed, or rather on the
+bed, having on a handsome night-cap ornamented with rose-colored ribbon,
+a countryman arriving knocked at the door; the maid happened to be out;
+the judge, therefore, hearing the knock repeated, cried "Come in," and,
+as he spoke rather loud, it was in his shrill tone.  The man entered,
+looked about, endeavoring to discover whence the female voice proceeded
+and at length seeing a handsome head-dress set off with ribbons, was
+about to leave the room, making the supposed lady a hundred apologies.
+M. Simon, in a rage, screamed the more; and the countryman, yet more
+confirmed in his opinion, conceiving himself to be insulted, began
+railing in his turn, saying that, "Apparently, she was nothing better
+than a common streetwalker, and that the judge major should be ashamed of
+setting such ill examples."  The enraged magistrate, having no other
+weapon than the jordan under his bed, was just going to throw it at the
+poor fellow's head as his servant returned.
+
+This dwarf, ill-used by nature as to his person, was recompensed by
+possessing an understanding naturally agreeable, and which he had been
+careful to cultivate.  Though he was esteemed a good lawyer, he did not
+like his profession, delighting more in the finer parts of literature,
+which he studied with success: above all, he possessed that superficial
+brilliancy, the art of pleasing in conversation, even with the ladies.
+He knew by heart a number of little stories, which he perfectly well knew
+how to make the most of; relating with an air of secrecy, and as an
+anecdote of yesterday, what happened sixty years before.  He understood
+music, and could sing agreeably; in short, for a magistrate, he had many
+pleasing talents.  By flattering the ladies of Annecy, he became
+fashionable among them, appearing continually in their train.  He even
+pretended to favors, at which they were much amused.  A Madam D'Epigny
+used to say "The greatest favor he could aspire to, was to kiss a lady on
+her knees."
+
+As he was well read, and spoke fluently, his conversation was both
+amusing and instructive.  When I afterwards took a taste for study,
+I cultivated his acquaintance, and found my account in it: when at
+Chambery, I frequently went from thence to see him.  His praises
+increased my emulation, to which he added some good advice respecting the
+prosecution of my studies, which I found useful.  Unhappily, this weakly
+body contained a very feeling soul.  Some years after, he was chagrined
+by I know not what unlucky affair, but it cost him his life.  This was
+really unfortunate, for he was a good little man, whom at a first
+acquaintance one laughed at, but afterwards loved.  Though our situations
+in life were very little connected with each other, as I received some
+useful lessons from him, I thought gratitude demanded that I should
+dedicate a few sentences to his memory.
+
+As soon as I found myself at liberty, I ran into the street where
+Mademoiselle Galley lived, flattering myself that I should see someone go
+in or out, or at least open a window, but I was mistaken, not even a cat
+appeared, the house remaining as close all the time as if it had been
+uninhabited.  The street was small and lonely, any one loitering about
+was, consequently, more likely to be noticed; from time to time people
+passed in and out of the neighborhood; I was much embarrassed, thinking
+my person might be known, and the cause that brought me there
+conjectured; this idea tortured me, for I have ever preferred the honor
+and happiness of those I love to my own pleasures.
+
+At length, weary of playing the Spanish lover, and having no guitar,
+I determined to write to Mademoiselle de G----.  I should have preferred
+writing to her friend, but did not dare take that liberty, as it appeared
+more proper to begin with her to whom I owed the acquaintance, and with
+whom I was most familiar.  Having written my letter, I took it to
+Mademoiselle Giraud, as the young ladies had agreed at parting, they
+having furnished me with this expedient.  Mademoiselle Giraud was a
+quilter, and sometimes worked at Madam Galley's, which procured her free
+admission to the house.  I must confess, I was not thoroughly satisfied
+with this messenger, but was cautious of starting difficulties, fearing
+that if I objected to her no other might be named, and it was impossible
+to intimate that she had an inclination to me herself.  I even felt
+humiliated that she should think I could imagine her of the same sex as
+those young ladies: in a word, I accepted her agency rather than none,
+and availed myself of it at all events.
+
+At the very first word, Giraud discovered me.  I must own this was not a
+difficult matter, for if sending a letter to young girls had not spoken
+sufficiently plain, my foolish embarrassed air would have betrayed me.
+It will easily be supposed that the employment gave her little
+satisfaction, she undertook it, however, and performed it faithfully.
+The next morning I ran to her house and found an answer ready for me.
+How did I hurry away that I might have an opportunity to read and kiss it
+alone!  though this need not been told, but the plan adopted by
+Mademoiselle Giraud (and in which I found more delicacy and moderation
+than I had expected) should.  She had sense enough to conclude that her
+thirty--seven years, hare's eyes, daubed nose, shrill voice, and black
+skin, stood no chance against two elegant young girls, in all the height
+and bloom of beauty; she resolved, therefore, nether to betray nor assist
+them, choosing rather to lose me entirely than entertain me for them.
+
+As Merceret had not heard from her mistress for some time, she thought of
+returning to Fribourg, and the persuasions of Giraud determined her; nay
+more, she intimated it was proper someone should conduct her to her
+father's and proposed me.  As I happened to be agreeable to little
+Merceret, she approved the idea, and the same day they mentioned it to me
+as a fixed point.  Finding nothing displeasing in the manner they had
+disposed of me, I consented, thinking it could not be above a week's
+journey at most; but Giraud, who had arranged the whole affair, thought
+otherwise.  It was necessary to avow the state of my finances, and the
+conclusion was, that Merceret should defray my expenses; but to retrench
+on one hand what was expended on the other, I advised that her little
+baggage should be sent on before, and that we should proceed by easy
+journeys on foot.
+
+I am sorry to have so many girls in love with me, but as there is nothing
+to be very vain of in the success of these amours, I think I may tell the
+truth without scruple.  Merceret, younger and less artful than Giraud,
+never made me so many advances, but she imitated my manners, my actions,
+repeated my words, and showed me all those little attentions I ought to
+have had for her.  Being very timorous, she took great care that we
+should both sleep in the same chamber; a circumstance that usually
+produces some consequences between a lad of twenty and a girl of twenty--
+five.
+
+For once, however, it went no further; my simplicity being such, that
+though Merceret was by no means a disagreeable girl, an idea of gallantry
+never entered my head, and even if it had, I was too great a novice to
+have profited by it.  I could not imagine how two young persons could
+bring themselves to sleep together, thinking that such familiarity must
+require an age of preparation.  If poor Merceret paid my expenses in
+hopes of any return, she was terribly cheated, for we arrived at Fribourg
+exactly as we had quitted Annecy.
+
+I passed through Geneva without visiting any one.  While going over the
+bridges, I found myself so affected that I could scarcely proceed.  Never
+could I see the walls of that city, never could I enter it, without
+feeling my heart sink from excess of tenderness, at the same time that
+the image of liberty elevated my soul.  The ideas of equality, union, and
+gentleness of manners, touched me even to tears, and inspired me with a
+lively regret at having forfeited all these advantages.  What an error
+was I in!  but yet how natural!  I imagined I saw all this in my native
+country, because I bore it in my heart.
+
+It was necessary to pass through Nion: could I do this without seeing my
+good father?  Had I resolved on doing so, I must afterwards have died
+with regret.  I left Merceret at the inn, and ventured to his house.
+How wrong was I to fear him!  On seeing me, his soul gave way to the
+parental tenderness with which it was filled.  What tears were mingled
+with our embraces!  He thought I was returned to him: I related my
+history, and informed him of my resolution.  He opposed it feebly,
+mentioning the dangers to which I exposed myself, and telling me the
+shortest follies were best, but did not attempt to keep me by force,
+in which particular I think he acted right; but it is certain he did not
+do everything in his power to detain me, even by fair means.  Whether
+after the step I had taken, he thought I ought not to return, or was
+puzzled at my age to know what to do with me--I have since found that he
+conceived a very unjust opinion of my travelling companion.  My step--
+mother, a good woman, a little coaxingly put on an appearance of wishing
+me to stay to supper; I did not, however, comply, but told them I
+proposed remaining longer with them on my return; leaving as a deposit
+my little packet, that had come by water, and would have been an
+incumbrance, had I taken it with me.  I continued my journey the next
+morning, well satisfied that I had seen my father, and had taken courage
+to do my duty.
+
+We arrived without any accident at Fribourg.  Towards the conclusion of
+the journey, the politeness of Mademoiselle Merceret rather diminished,
+and, after our arrival, she treated me even with coldness.  Her father,
+who was not in the best circumstances, did not show me much attention,
+and I was obliged to lodge at an alehouse.  I went to see them the next
+morning, and received an invitation to dine there, which I accepted.  We
+separated without tears at night; I returned to my paltry lodging, and
+departed the second day after my arrival, almost without knowing whither
+to go to.
+
+This was a circumstance of my life in which Providence offered me
+precisely what was necessary to make my days pass happily.  Merceret was
+a good girl, neither witty, handsome, nor ugly; not very lively, but
+tolerably rational, except while under the influence of some little
+humors, which usually evaporated in tears, without any violent outbreak
+of temper.  She had a real inclination for me; I might have married her
+without difficulty, and followed her father's business.  My taste for
+music would have made me love her; I should have settled at Fribourg, a
+small town, not pretty, but inhabited by very worthy people--I should
+certainly have missed great pleasures, but should have lived in peace to
+my last hour, and I must know best what I should have gained by such a
+step.
+
+I did not return to Nion, but to Lausanne, wishing to gratify myself with
+a view of that beautiful lake which is seen there in its utmost extent.
+The greater part of my secret motives have not been so reasonable.
+Distant expectation has rarely strength enough to influence my actions;
+the uncertainty of the future ever making me regard projects whose
+execution requires a length of time as deceitful lures.  I give in to
+visionary scenes of hope as well as others, provided they cost nothing,
+but if attended with any trouble, I have done with them.  The smallest,
+the most trifling pleasure that is conveniently within my reach, tempts
+me more than all the joys of paradise.  I must except, however, those
+pleasures which are necessarily followed by pain; I only love those
+enjoyments which are unadulterated, which can never be the case where we
+are conscious they must be followed by repentance.
+
+It was necessary I should arrive at some place, and the nearest was best;
+for having lost my way on the road, I found myself in the evening at
+Moudon, where I spent all that remained of my little stock except ten
+creuzers, which served to purchase my next day's dinner.  Arriving in the
+evening at Lausanne, I went into an ale-house, without a penny in my
+pocket to pay for my lodging, or knowing what would become of me.  I
+found myself extremely hungry--setting, therefore, a good face on the
+matter, I ordered supper, made my meal, went to bed without thought and
+slept with great composure.  In the morning, having breakfasted and
+reckoned with my host, I offered to leave my waistcoat in pledge for
+seven batz, which was the amount of my expenses.  The honest man refused
+this, saying, thank Heaven, he had never stripped any one, and would not
+now begin for seven batz, adding I should keep my waistcoat and pay him
+when I could.  I was affected with this unexpected kindness, but felt it
+less than I ought to have done, or have since experienced on the
+remembrance of it.  I did not fail sending him his money, with thanks, by
+one I could depend on.  Fifteen years after, passing Lausanne, on my
+return from Italy, I felt a sensible regret at having forgotten the name
+of the landlord and house.  I wished to see him, and should have felt
+real pleasure in recalling to his memory that worthy action.
+Services which doubtless have been much more important, but rendered with
+ostentation, have not appeared to me so worthy of gratitude as the simple
+unaffected humanity of this honest man.
+
+As I approached Lausanne, I thought of my distress, and the means of
+extricating myself, without appearing in want to my step-mother.
+I compared myself, in this walking pilgrimage, to my friend Venture,
+on his arrival at Annecy, and was so warmed with the idea, that without
+recollecting that I had neither his gentility nor his talents, I
+determined to act the part of little Venture at Lausanne, to teach music,
+which I did not understand, and say I came from Paris, where I had never
+been.
+
+In consequence of this noble project (as there was no company where I
+could introduce myself without expense, and not choosing to venture among
+professional people), I inquired for some little inn, where I could lodge
+cheap, and was directed to one named Perrotet, who took in boarders.
+This Perrotet, who was one of the best men in the world, received me very
+kindly, and after having heard my feigned story and profession, promised
+to speak of me, and endeavored to procure me scholars, saying he should
+not expect any money till I had earned it.  His price for board, though
+moderate in itself, was a great deal to me; he advised me, therefore, to
+begin with half board, which consisted of good soup only for dinner, but
+a plentiful supper at night.  I closed with this proposition, and the
+poor Perrotet trusted me with great cheerfulness, sparing, meantime, no
+trouble to be useful to me.
+
+Having found so many good people in my youth, why do I find so few in my
+age?  Is their race extinct?  No; but I do not seek them in the same
+situation I did formerly, among the commonality, where violent passions
+predominate only at intervals, and where nature speaks her genuine
+sentiments.  In more elevated stations they are entirely smothered, and
+under the mask of sentiment, only interest or vanity is heard.
+
+Having written to my father from Lausanne, he sent my packet and some
+excellent advice, of which I should have profited better.  I have already
+observed that I have moments of inconceivable delirium, in which I am
+entirely out of myself.  The adventure I am about to relate is an
+instance of this: to comprehend how completely my brain was turned, and
+to what degree I had 'Venturised' (if I may be allowed the expression),
+the many extravagances I ran into at the same time should be considered.
+Behold me, then, a singing master, without knowing how to note a common
+song; for if the five or six months passed with Le Maitre had improved
+me, they could not be supposed sufficient to qualify me for such an
+undertaking; besides, being taught by a master was enough (as I have
+before observed) to make me learn ill.  Being a Parisian from Geneva,
+and a Catholic in a Protestant country, I thought I should change my name
+with my religion and country, still approaching as near as possible to
+the great model I had in view.  He called himself Venture de Villeneuve.
+I changed, by anagram, the name Rousseau into that of Vaussore, calling
+myself Monsieur Vaussore de Villeneuve.  Venture was a good composer,
+though he had not said so; without knowing anything of the art, I boasted
+of my skill to every one.  This was not all: being presented to Monsieur
+de Freytorens, professor of law, who loved music, and who gave concerts
+at his house, nothing would do but I must give him a proof of my talents,
+and accordingly I set about composing a piece for his concerts, as boldly
+as if I had really understood the science.  I had the constancy to labor
+a fortnight at this curious business, to copy it fair, write out the
+different parts, and distribute them with as much assurance as if they
+had been masterpieces of harmony; in short (what will hardly be believed,
+though strictly true), I tacked a very pretty minuet to the end of it,
+that was commonly played about the streets, and which many may remember
+from these words, so well known at that time:
+
+                         Quel caprice!
+                         Quel injustice!
+                         Quio, tu Clarice
+                         Trahiriot tes feux?  &'c.
+
+Venture had taught me this air with the bass, set to other words, by the
+help of which I had retained it: thus at the end of my composition, I put
+this minuet and bass, suppressing the words, and uttering it for my own
+as confidently as if I had been speaking to the inhabitants of the moon.
+They assembled to perform my piece; I explain to each the movement, taste
+of execution, and references to his part--I was fully occupied.  They
+were five or six minutes preparing, which were for me so many ages: at
+length, everything is adjusted, myself in a conspicuous situation, a fine
+roll of paper in my hand, gravely preparing to beat time.  I gave four or
+five strokes with my paper, attending with "take care!"  they begin--
+No, never since French operas existed was there such a confused discord!
+The minuet, however, presently put all the company in good humor; hardly
+was it begun, before I heard bursts of laughter from all parts, every one
+congratulated me on my pretty taste for music, declaring this minuet
+would make me spoken of, and that I merited the loudest praise.  It is
+not necessary to describe my uneasiness, or to own how much I deserved
+it.
+
+Next day, one of the musicians, named Lutold, came to see me and was kind
+enough to congratulate me on my success.  The profound conviction of my
+folly, shame, regret, and the state of despair to which I was reduced,
+with the impossibility of concealing the cruel agitation of my heart,
+made me open it to him; giving, therefore, a loose to my tears, not
+content with owning my ignorance, I told all, conjuring him to secrecy;
+he kept his word, as every one will suppose.  The same evening, all
+Lausanne knew who I was, but what is remarkable, no one seemed to know,
+not even the good Perrotet, who (notwithstanding what had happened)
+continued to lodge and board me.
+
+I led a melancholy life here; the consequences of such an essay had not
+rendered Lausanne a very agreeable residence.  Scholars did not present
+themselves in crowds, not a single female, and not a person of the city.
+I had only two or three great dunces, as stupid as I was ignorant, who
+fatigued me to death, and in my hands were not likely to edify much.
+
+At length, I was sent for to a house, where a little serpent of a girl
+amused herself by showing me a parcel of music that I could not read a
+note of, and which she had the malice to sing before her master, to teach
+him how it should be executed; for I was so unable to read an air at
+first sight, that in the charming concert I have just described, I could
+not possibly follow the execution a moment, or know whether they played
+truly what lay before them, and I myself had composed.
+
+In the midst of so many humiliating circumstances, I had the pleasing
+consolation, from time to time, of receiving letters from my two charming
+friends.  I have ever found the utmost consolatory virtue in the fair;
+when in disgrace, nothing softens my affliction more than to be sensible
+that an amiable woman is interested for me.  This correspondence ceased
+soon after, and was never renewed: indeed it was my own fault, for in
+changing situations I neglected sending my address, and forced by
+necessity to think perpetually of myself, I soon forgot them.
+
+It is a long time since I mentioned Madam de Warrens, but it should not
+be supposed I had forgotten her; never was she a moment absent from my
+thoughts.  I anxiously wished to find her, not merely because she was
+necessary to my subsistence, but because she was infinitely more
+necessary to my heart.  My attachment to her (though lively and tender,
+as it really was) did not prevent my loving others, but then it was not
+in the same manner.  All equally claimed my tenderness for their charms,
+but it was those charms alone I loved, my passion would not have survived
+them, while Madam de Warrens might have become old or ugly without my
+loving her the less tenderly.  My heart had entirely transmitted to
+herself the homage it first paid to her beauty, and whatever change she
+might experience, while she remained herself, my sentiments could not
+change.  I was sensible how much gratitude I owed to her, but in truth, I
+never thought of it, and whether she served me or not, it would ever have
+been the same thing.  I loved her neither from duty, interest, nor
+convenience; I loved her because I was born to love her.  During my
+attachment to another, I own this affection was in some measure deranged;
+I did not think so frequently of her, but still with the same pleasure,
+and never, in love or otherwise, did I think of her without feeling that
+I could expect no true happiness in life while in a state of separation.
+
+Though in so long a time I had received no news from Madam de Warrens, I
+never imagined I had entirely lost her, or that she could have forgotten
+me.  I said to myself, she will know sooner or later that I am wandering
+about, and will find some means to inform me of her situation: I am
+certain I shall find her.  In the meantime, it was a pleasure to live in
+her native country, to walk in the streets where she had walked, and
+before the houses that she had lived in; yet all this was the work of
+conjecture, for one of my foolish peculiarities was, not daring to
+inquire after her, or even pronounce her name without the most absolute
+necessity.  It seemed in speaking of her that I declared all I felt, that
+my lips revealed the secrets of my heart, and in some degree injured the
+object of my affection.  I believe fear was likewise mingled with this
+idea; I dreaded to hear ill of her.  Her management had been much spoken
+of, and some little of her conduct in other respects; fearing, therefore,
+that something might be said which I did not wish to hear, I preferred
+being silent on the subject.
+
+As my scholars did not take up much of my time, and the town where she
+was born was not above four leagues from Lausanne, I made it a walk of
+three or four days; during which time a most pleasant emotion never left
+me.  A view of the lake of Geneva and its admirable banks, had ever, in
+my idea, a particular attraction which I cannot describe; not arising
+merely from the beauty of the prospect, but something else, I know not
+why, more interesting, which affects and softens me.  Every time I have
+approached the Vaudois country I have experienced an impression composed
+of the remembrance of Madam de Warrens, who was born there; of my father,
+who lived there; of Miss Vulson, who had been my first love, and of
+several pleasant journeys I had made there in my childhood, mingled with
+some nameless charm, more powerfully attractive than all the rest.  When
+that ardent desire for a life of happiness and tranquility (which ever
+follows me, and for which I was born) inflames my mind, 'tis ever to the
+country of Vaud, near the lake, in those charming plains, that
+imagination leads me.  An orchard on the banks of that lake, and no
+other, is absolutely necessary; a firm friend, an amiable woman, a cow,
+and a little boat; nor could I enjoy perfect happiness on earth without
+these concomitants.  I laugh at the simplicity with which I have several
+times gone into that country for the sole purpose of seeking this
+imaginary happiness when I was ever surprised to find the inhabitants,
+particularly the women, of a quite different disposition to what I
+sought.  How strange did this appear to me!  The country and people who
+inhabit it, were never, in my idea, formed for each other.
+
+Walking along these beautiful banks, on my way to Vevay, I gave myself
+up to the soft melancholy; my heart rushed with ardor into a thousand
+innocent felicities; melting to tenderness, I sighed and wept like a
+child.  How often, stopping to weep more at my ease, and seated on a
+large stone, did I amuse myself with seeing my tears drop into the water.
+
+On my arrival at Vevay, I lodged at the Key, and during the two days I
+remained there, without any acquaintance, conceived a love for that city,
+which has followed me through all my travels, and was finally the cause
+that I fixed on this spot, in the novel I afterwards wrote, for the
+residence of my hero and heroines.  I would say to any one who has taste
+and feeling, go to Vevay, visit the surrounding country, examine the
+prospects, go on the lake and then say, whether nature has not designed
+this country for a Julia, a Clara, and a St. Preux; but do not seek them
+there.  I now return to my story.
+
+Giving myself out for a Catholic, I followed without mystery or scruple
+the religion I had embraced.  On a Sunday, if the weather was fine, I
+went to hear mass at Assans, a place two leagues distant from Lausanne,
+and generally in company with other Catholics, particularly a Parisian
+embroiderer, whose name I have forgotten.  Not such a Parisian as myself,
+but a real native of Paris, an arch-Parisian from his maker, yet honest
+as a peasant.  He loved his country so well, that he would not doubt my
+being his countryman, for fear he should not have so much occasion to
+speak of it.  The lieutenant-governor, M. de Crouzas, had a gardener, who
+was likewise from Paris, but not so complaisant; he thought the glory of
+his country concerned, when any one claimed that honor who was not really
+entitled to it; he put questions to me, therefore, with an air and tone,
+as if certain to detect me in a falsehood, and once, smiling malignantly,
+asked what was remarkable in the 'Marcheneuf'?  It may be supposed I
+asked the question; but I have since passed twenty years at Paris, and
+certainly know that city, yet was the same question repeated at this day,
+I should be equally embarrassed to answer it, and from this embarrassment
+it might be concluded I had never been there: thus, even when we meet
+with truths, we are subject to build our opinions on circumstances, which
+may easily deceive us.
+
+I formed no ideas, while at Lausanne, that were worth recollecting, nor
+can I say exactly how long I remained there; I only know that not finding
+sufficient to subsist on, I went from thence to Neutchatel, where I
+passed the winter.  Here I succeeded better, I got some scholars, and
+saved enough to pay my good friend Perrotet, who had faithfully sent my
+baggage, though at that time I was considerably in his debt.
+
+By continuing to teach music, I insensibly gained some knowledge of it.
+The life I led was sufficiently agreeable, and any reasonable man might
+have been satisfied, but my unsettled heart demanded something more.
+On Sundays, or whenever I had leisure, I wandered, sighing and
+thoughtful, about the adjoining woods, and when once out of the city
+never returned before night.  One day, being at Boudry, I went to dine at
+a public-house, where I saw a man with a long beard, dressed in a violet-
+colored Grecian habit, with a fur cap, and whose air and manner were
+rather noble.  This person found some difficulty in making himself
+understood, speaking only an unintelligible jargon, which bore more
+resemblance to Italian than any other language.  I understood almost all
+he said, and I was the only person present who could do so, for he was
+obliged to make his request known to the landlord and others about him by
+signs.  On my speaking a few words in Italian, which he perfectly
+understood, he got up and embraced me with rapture; a connection was soon
+formed, and from that moment, I became his interpreter.  His dinner was
+excellent, mine rather worse than indifferent, he gave me an invitation
+to dine with him, which I accepted without much ceremony.  Drinking and
+chatting soon rendered us familiar, and by the end of the repast we had
+all the disposition in the world to become inseparable companions.  He
+informed me he was a Greek prelate, and 'Archimandrite' of Jerusalem;
+that he had undertaken to make a gathering in Europe for the
+reestablishment of the Holy Sepulchre, and showed me some very fine
+patents from the czarina, the emperor, and several other sovereigns.
+He was tolerably content with what he had collected hitherto, though he
+had experienced inconceivable difficulties in Germany; for not
+understanding a word of German, Latin, or French, he had been obliged to
+have recourse to his Greek, Turkish Lingua Franca, which did not procure
+him much in the country he was travelling through; his proposal,
+therefore, to me was, that I should accompany him in the quality of
+secretary and interpreter.  In spite of my violet-colored coat, which
+accorded well enough with the proposed employment, he guessed from my
+meagre appearance, that I should easily be gained; and he was not
+mistaken.  The bargain was soon made, I demanded nothing, and he promised
+liberally; thus, without any security or knowledge of the person I was
+about to serve, I gave myself up entirely to his conduct, and the next
+day behold me on an expedition to Jerusalem.
+
+We began our expedition unsuccessfully by the canton of Fribourg.
+Episcopal dignity would not suffer him to play the beggar, or solicit
+help from private individuals; but we presented his commission to the
+Senate, who gave him a trifling sum.  From thence we went to Berne, where
+we lodged at the Falcon, then a good inn, and frequented by respectable
+company; the public table being well supplied and numerously attended.
+I had fared indifferently so long, that I was glad to make myself amends,
+therefore took care to profit by the present occasion.  My lord, the
+Archimandrite, was himself an excellent companion, loved good cheer, was
+gay, spoke well for those who understood him, and knew perfectly well how
+to make the most of his Grecian erudition.  One day, at dessert while
+cracking nuts, he cut his finger pretty deeply, and as it bled freely
+showed it to the company, saying with a laugh, "Mirate, signori; questo a
+sangue Pelasgo."
+
+At Berne, I was not useless to him, nor was my performance so bad as I
+had feared: I certainly spoke better and with more confidence than I
+could have done for myself.  Matters were not conducted here with the
+same simplicity as at Fribourg; long and frequent conferences were
+necessary with the Premiers of the State, and the examination of his
+titles was not the work of a day; at length, everything being adjusted,
+he was admitted to an audience by the Senate; I entered with him as
+interpreter, and was ordered to speak.  I expected nothing less, for it
+never entered my mind, that after such long and frequent conferences with
+the members, it was necessary to address the assembly collectively, as if
+nothing had been said.  Judge my embarrassment!--a man so bashful to
+speak, not only in public, but before the whole of the Senate of Berne!
+to speak impromptu, without a single moment for recollection; it was
+enough to annihilate me--I was not even intimidated.  I described
+distinctly and clearly the commission of the Archimandrite; extolled the
+piety of those princes who had contributed, and to heighten that of their
+excellencies by emulation, added that less could not be expected from
+their well--known munificence; then, endeavoring to prove that this good
+work was equally interesting to all Christians, without distinction of
+sect; and concluded by promising the benediction of Heaven to all those
+who took part in it.  I will not say that my discourse was the cause of
+our success, but it was certainly well received; and on our quitting the
+Archimandrite was gratified by a very genteel present, to which some very
+handsome compliments were added on the understanding of his secretary;
+these I had the agreeable office of interpreting; but could not take
+courage to render them literally.
+
+This was the only time in my life that I spoke in public, and before a
+sovereign; and the only time, perhaps, that I spoke boldly and well.
+What difference in the disposition of the same person.  Three years ago,
+having been to see my old friend, M. Roguin, at Yverdon, I received a
+deputation to thank me for some books I had presented to the library of
+that city; the Swiss are great speakers; these gentlemen, accordingly,
+made me a long harangue, which I thought myself obliged in honor to
+answer, but so embarrassed myself in the attempt, that my head became
+confused, I stopped short, and was laughed at.  Though naturally timid,
+I have sometimes acted with confidence in my youth, but never in my
+advanced age: the more I have seen of the world the less I have been able
+to adapt its manners.
+
+On leaving Berne, we went to Soleurre: the Archimandrite designing to re-
+enter Germany, and return through Hungary or Poland to his own country.
+This would have been a prodigious tour; but as the contents of his purse
+rather increased than diminished during his journey, he was in no haste
+to return.  For me, who was almost as much pleased on horseback as on
+foot, I would have desired no better than to have travelled thus during
+my whole life; but it was pre-ordained that my journey should soon end.
+
+The first thing we did after our arrival at Soleurre, was to pay our
+respects to the French ambassador there.  Unfortunately for my bishop,
+this chanced to be the Marquis de Bonac, who had been ambassador at the
+Porte, and was acquainted with every particular relative to the Holy
+Sepulchre.  The Archimandrite had an audience that lasted about a quarter
+of an hour, to which I was not admitted, as the ambassador spoke French
+and Italian at least as well as myself.  On my Grecian's retiring, I was
+prepared to follow him, but was detained: it was now my turn.  Having
+called myself a Parisian, as such, I was under the jurisdiction of his
+excellency: he therefore asked me who I was?  exhorting me to tell the
+truth; this I promised to do, but entreated a private audience, which was
+immediately granted.  The ambassador took me to his closet, and shut the
+door; there, throwing myself at his feet, I kept my word, nor should I
+have said less, had I promised nothing, for a continual wish to unbosom
+myself, puts my heart perpetually upon my lips.  After having disclosed
+myself without reserve to the musician Lutold, there was no occasion to
+attempt acting the mysterious with the Marquis de Bonac, who was so well
+pleased with my little history, and the ingenuousness with which I had
+related it, that he led me to the ambassadress, and presented me, with an
+abridgment of my recital.  Madam de Bonac received me kindly, saying,
+I must not be suffered to follow that Greek monk.  It was accordingly
+resolved that I should remain at their hotel till something better could
+be done for me.  I wished to bid adieu to my poor Archimandrite, for whom
+I had conceived an attachment, but was not permitted; they sent him word
+that I was to be detained there, and in quarter of an hour after, I saw
+my little bundle arrive.  M. de la Martiniere, secretary of the embassy,
+had in a manner the care of me; while following him to the chamber
+appropriated to my use, he said, "This apartment was occupied under the
+Count de Luc, by a celebrated man of the same name as yourself; it is in
+your power to succeed him in every respect, and cause it to be said
+hereafter, Rousseau the First, Rousseau the Second."  This similarity
+which I did not then expect, would have been less flattering to my wishes
+could I have foreseen at what price I should one day purchase the
+distinction.
+
+What M. de la  Martiniere had said excited my curiosity; I read the works
+of the person whose chamber I occupied, and on the strength of the
+compliment that had been paid me (imagining I had a taste for poetry)
+made my first essay in a cantata in praise of Madam de Bonac.  This
+inclination was not permanent, though from time to time I have composed
+tolerable verses.  I think it is a good exercise to teach elegant turns
+of expression, and to write well in prose, but could never find
+attractions enough in French poetry to give entirely in to it.
+
+M. de la Martiniere wished to see my style, and asked me to write the
+detail I had before made the ambassador; accordingly I wrote him a long
+letter, which I have since been informed was preserved by M. de Marianne,
+who had long been attached to the Marquis de Bonac, and has since
+succeeded M. de Martiniere as secretary to the embassy of M. de
+Courtellies.
+
+The experience I began to acquire tended to moderate my romantic
+projects; for example, I did not fall in love with Madam de Bonac, but
+also felt I did not stand much chance of succeeding in the service of her
+husband.  M. de la Martiniere was already in the only place that could
+have satisfied my ambition, and M. de Marianne in expectancy: thus my
+utmost hopes could only aspire to the office of under secretary, which
+did not infinitely tempt me: this was the reason that when consulted on
+the situation I should like to be placed in, I expressed a great desire
+to go to Paris.  The ambassador readily gave in to the idea, which at
+least tended to disembarrass him of me.  M. de Mervilleux interpreting
+secretary to the embassy, said, that his friend, M. Godard, a Swiss
+colonel, in the service of France, wanted a person to be with his nephew,
+who had entered very young into the service, and made no doubt that I
+should suit him.  On this idea, so lightly formed, my departure was
+determined; and I, who saw a long journey to perform with Paris at the
+end of it, was enraptured with the project.  They gave me several
+letters, a hundred livres to defray the expenses of my journey,
+accompanied with some good advice, and thus equipped I departed.
+
+I was a fortnight making the journey, which I may reckon among the
+happiest days of my life.  I was young, in perfect health, with plenty of
+money, and the most brilliant hopes, add to this, I was on foot, and
+alone.  It may appear strange, I should mention the latter circumstance
+as advantageous, if my peculiarity of temper is not already familiar to
+the reader.  I was continually occupied with a variety of pleasing
+chimeras, and never did the warmth of my imagination produce more
+magnificent ones.  When offered an empty place in a carriage, or any
+person accosted me on the road, how vexed was I to see that fortune
+overthrown, whose edifice, while walking, I had taken such pains to rear.
+
+For once my ideas were all martial: I was going to live with a military
+man; nay, to become one, for it was concluded I should begin with being a
+cadet.  I already fancied myself in regimentals, with a fine white
+feather nodding on my hat, and my heart was inflamed by the noble idea.
+I had some smattering of geometry and fortification; my uncle was an
+engineer; I was in a manner a soldier by inheritance.  My short sight,
+indeed, presented some little obstacle, but did not by any means
+discourage me, as I reckoned to supply that defect by coolness and
+intrepidity.  I had read, too, that Marshal Schomberg was remarkably
+shortsighted, and why might not Marshal Rousseau be the same?  My
+imagination was so warm by these follies, that it presented nothing but
+troops, ramparts, gabions, batteries, and myself in the midst of fire and
+smoke, an eyeglass in hand, commanding with the utmost tranquility.
+Notwithstanding, when the country presented a delightful prospect, when I
+saw charming groves and rivulets, the pleasing sight made me sigh with
+regret, and feel, in the midst of all this glory, that my heart was not
+formed for such havoc; and soon without knowing how, I found my thoughts
+wandering among my dear sheep-folds, renouncing forever the labor of
+Mars.
+
+How much did Paris disappoint the idea I had formed of it!  The exterior
+decorations I had seen at Turin, the beauty of the streets, the symmetry
+and regularity of the houses, contributed to this disappointment, since I
+concluded that Paris must be infinitely superior.  I had figured to
+myself a splendid city, beautiful as large, of the most commanding
+aspect, whose streets were ranges of magnificent palaces, composed of
+marble and gold.  On entering the faubourg St. Marceau, I saw nothing but
+dirty stinking streets, filthy black houses, an air of slovenliness and
+poverty, beggars, carters, butchers, cries of diet-drink and old hats.
+This struck me so forcibly, that all I have since seen of real
+magnificence in Paris could never erase this first impression, which has
+ever given me a particular disgust to residing in that capital; and I may
+say, the whole time I remained there afterwards, was employed in seeking
+resources which might enable me to live at a distance from it.  This is
+the consequence of too lively imagination, which exaggerates even beyond
+the voice of fame, and ever expects more than is told.  I have heard
+Paris so flatteringly described, that I pictured it like the ancient
+Babylon, which, perhaps, had I seen, I might have found equally faulty,
+and unlike that idea the account had conveyed.  The same thing happened
+at the Opera-house, to which I hastened the day after my arrival!  I was
+sensible of the same deficiency at Versailles!  and some time after on
+viewing the sea.  I am convinced this would ever be the consequence of a
+too flattering description of any object; for it is impossible for man,
+and difficult even for nature herself, to surpass the riches of my
+imagination.
+
+By the reception I met with from all those to whom my letters were
+addressed, I thought my fortune was certainly made.  The person who
+received me the least kindly was M. de Surbeck, to whom I had the
+warmest recommendation.  He had retired from the service, and lived
+philosophically at Bagneux, where I waited on him several times without
+his offering me even a glass of water.  I was better received by Madam de
+Merveilleux, sister-in-law to the interpreter, and by his nephew, who was
+an officer in the guards.  The mother and son not only received me
+kindly, but offered me the use of their table, which favor I frequently
+accepted during my stay at Paris.
+
+Madam de Merveilleux appeared to have been handsome; her hair was of a
+fine black, which, according to the old mode, she wore curled on the
+temples.  She still retained (what do not perish with a set of features)
+the beauties of an amiable mind.  She appeared satisfied with mine, and
+did all she could to render me service; but no one seconded her
+endeavors, and I was presently undeceived in the great interest they had
+seemed to take in my affairs.  I must, however, do the French nation the
+justice to say, they do not so exhaust themselves with protestations,
+as some have represented, and that those they make are usually sincere;
+but they have a manner of appearing interested in your affairs, which is
+more deceiving than words.  The gross compliments of the Swiss can only
+impose upon fools; the manners of the French are more seducing, and at
+the same time so simple, that you are persuaded they do not express all
+they mean to do for you, in order that you may be the more agreeably
+surprised.  I will say more; they are not false in their protestations,
+being naturally zealous to oblige, humane, benevolent, and even (whatever
+may be said to the contrary) more sincere than any other nation; but they
+are too flighty: in effect they feel the sentiments they profess for you,
+but that sentiment flies off as instantaneously as it was formed.  In
+speaking to you, their whole attention is employed on you alone, when
+absent you are forgotten.  Nothing is permanent in their hearts, all is
+the work of the moment.
+
+Thus I was greatly flattered, but received little service.  Colonel
+Godard for whose nephew I was recommended, proved to be an avaricious old
+wretch, who, on seeing my distress (though he was immensely rich), wished
+to have my services for nothing, meaning to place me with his nephew,
+rather as a valet without wages than a tutor.  He represented that as I
+was to be continually engaged with him, I should be excused from duty,
+and might live on my cadet's allowance; that is to say, on the pay of a
+soldier: hardly would he consent to give me a uniform, thinking the
+clothing of the army might serve.  Madam de Merveilleux, provoked at his
+proposals, persuaded me not to accept them; her son was of the same
+opinion; something else was to be thought on, but no situation was
+procured.  Meantime, I began to be necessitated; for the hundred livres
+with which I had commenced my journey could not last much longer;
+happily, I received a small remittance from the ambassador, which was
+very serviceable, nor do I think he would have abandoned me had I
+possessed more patience; but languishing, waiting, soliciting, are to me
+impossible: I was disheartened, displeased, and thus all my brilliant
+expectations came once more to nothing.  I had not all this time
+forgotten my dear Madam de Warrens, but how was I to find her?  Where
+should I seek her?  Madam de Merveilleux, who knew my story, assisted me
+in the search, but for a long time unavailingly; at length, she informed
+me that Madam de Warrens had set out from Paris about two months before,
+but it was not known whether for Savoy or Turin, and that some
+conjectured she was gone to Switzerland.  Nothing further was necessary
+to fix my determination to follow her, certain that wherever she might
+be, I stood more chance of finding her at those places than I could
+possibly do at Paris.
+
+Before my departure, I exercised my new poetical talent in an epistle to
+Colonel Godard, whom I ridiculed to the utmost of my abilities.  I showed
+this scribble to Madam de Merveilleux, who, instead of discouraging me,
+as she ought to have done, laughed heartily at my sarcasms, as well as
+her son, who, I believe, did not like M. Godard; indeed, it must be
+confessed, he was a man not calculated to obtain affection.  I was
+tempted to send him my verses, and they encouraged me in it; accordingly
+I made them up in a parcel directed to him, and there being no post then
+at Paris by which I could conveniently send this, I put it in my pocket,
+and sent it to him from Auxerre, as I passed through that place.  I
+laugh, even yet, sometimes, at the grimaces I fancy he made on reading
+this panegyric, where he was certainly drawn to the life; it began thus:
+
+          Tu croyois, vieux Penard, qu' une folle manie
+          D' elever ton neveu m'inspireroit l'envie.
+
+This little piece, which, it is true, was but indifferently written; did
+not want for salt, and announced a turn for satire; it is,
+notwithstanding, the only satirical writing that ever came from my pen.
+I have too little hatred in my heart to take advantage of such a talent;
+but I believe it may be judged from those controversies, in which from
+time to time I have been engaged in my own defence, that had I been of a
+vindictive disposition, my adversaries would rarely have had the laughter
+on their side.
+
+What I most regret, is not having kept a journal of my travels, being
+conscious that a number of interesting details have slipped my memory;
+for never did I exist so completely, never live so thoroughly, never was
+so much myself, if I dare use the expression, as in those journeys made
+on foot.  Walking animates and enlivens my spirits; I can hardly think
+when in a state of inactivity; my body must be exercised to make my
+judgmemt active.  The view of a fine country, a succession of agreeable
+prospects, a free air, a good appetite, and the health I gained by
+walking; the freedom of inns, and the distance from everything that can
+make me recollect the dependence of my situation, conspire to free my
+soul, and give boldness to my thoughts, throwing me, in a manner, into
+the immensity of beings, where I combine, choose and appropriate them to
+my fancy, without constraint or fear.  I dispose of all nature as I
+please; my heart wandering from object to object, approximates and unites
+with those that please it, is surrounded by charming images, and becomes
+intoxicated with delicious sensations.  If, attempting to render these
+permanent, I am amused in describing to myself, what glow of coloring,
+what energy of expression, do I give them!--It has been said, that all
+these are to be found in my works, though written in the decline of life.
+Oh!  had those of my early youth been seen, those made during my travels,
+composed, but never written!--Why did I not write them?  will be asked;
+and why should I have written them?  I may answer.  Why deprive myself of
+the actual charm of my enjoyments to inform others what I enjoyed?  What
+to me were readers, the public, or all the world, while I was mounting
+the empyrean.  Besides, did I carry pens, paper and ink with me?  Had I
+recollected all these, not a thought would have occurred worth
+preserving.  I do not foresee when I shall have ideas; they come when
+they please, and not when I call for them; either they avoid me
+altogether, or rushing in crowds, overwhelm me with their force and
+number.  Ten volumes a day would not suffice barely to enumerate my
+thoughts; how then should I find time to write them?  In stopping, I
+thought of nothing but a hearty dinner; on departing, of nothing but a
+charming walk; I felt that a new paradise awaited me at the door, and
+eagerly leaped forward to enjoy it.
+
+Never did I experience this so feelingly as in the perambulation I am now
+describing.  On coming to Paris, I had confined myself to ideas which
+related to the situation I expected to occupy there.  I had rushed into
+the career I was about to run, and should have completed it with
+tolerable eclat, but it was not that my heart adhered to.  Some real
+beings obscured my imagined ones--Colonel Godard and his nephew could not
+keep pace with a hero of my disposition.  Thank Heaven, I was soon
+delivered from all these obstacles, and could enter at pleasure into the
+wilderness of chimeras, for that alone remained before me, and I wandered
+in it so completely that I several times lost my way; but this was no
+misfortune, I would not have shortened it, for, feeling with regret, as I
+approached Lyons, that I must again return to the material world, I
+should have been glad never to have arrived there.
+
+One day, among others, having purposely gone out of my way to take a
+nearer view of a spot that appeared delightful, I was so charmed with it,
+and wandered round it so often, that at length I completely lost myself,
+and after several hours' useless walking, weary, fainting with hunger and
+thirst, I entered a peasant's hut, which had not indeed a very promising
+appearance, but was the only one I could discover near me.  I thought it
+was here, as at Geneva, or in Switzerland, where the inhabitants, living
+at ease, have it in their power to exercise hospitality.  I entreated the
+countryman to give me some dinner, offering to pay for it: on which he
+presented me with some skimmed milk and coarse barley--bread, saying it
+was all he had.  I drank the milk with pleasure, and ate the bread, chaff
+and all; but it was not very restorative to a man sinking with fatigue.
+The countryman, who watched me narrowly, judged the truth of my story by
+my appetite, and presently (after having said that he plainly saw I was
+an honest, good--natured young man, and did not come to betray him)
+opened a little trap door by the side of his kitchen, went down, and
+returned a moment after with a good brown loaf of pure wheat, the remains
+of a well-flavored ham, and a bottle of wine, the sight of which rejoiced
+my heart more than all the rest: he then prepared a good thick omelet,
+and I made such a dinner as none but a walking traveller ever enjoyed.
+
+When I again offered to pay, his inquietude and fears returned; he not
+only would have no money, but refused it with the most evident emotion;
+and what made this scene more amusing, I could not imagine the motive of
+his fear.  At length, he pronounced tremblingly those terrible words,
+"Commissioners," and "Cellar-rats," which he explained by giving me to
+understand that he concealed his wine because of the excise, and his
+bread on account of the tax imposed on it; adding, he should be an undone
+man, if it was suspected he was not almost perishing with want.  What he
+said to me on this subject (of which I had not the smallest idea) made an
+impression on my mind that can never be effaced, sowing seeds of that
+inextinguishable hatred which has since grow up in my heart against the
+vexations these unhappy people suffer, and against their oppressors.
+This man, though in easy circumstances, dare not eat the bread gained by
+the sweat of his brow, and could only escape destruction by exhibiting an
+outward appearance of misery!--I left his cottage with as much
+indignation as concern, deploring the fate of those beautiful countries,
+where nature has been prodigal of her gifts, only that they may become
+the prey of barbarous exactors.
+
+The incident which I have just related, is the only one I have a distinct
+remembrance of during this journey: I recollect, indeed, that on
+approaching Lyons, I wished to prolong it by going to see the banks of
+the Lignon; for among the romances I had read with my father, Astrea was
+not forgotten and returned more frequently to my thoughts than any other.
+Stopping for some refreshment (while chatting with my hostess), I
+inquired the way to Forez, and was informed that country was an excellent
+place for mechanics, as there were many forges, and much iron work done
+there.  This eulogium instantly calmed my romantic curiosity, for I felt
+no inclination to seek Dianas and Sylvanders among a generation of
+blacksmiths.  The good woman who encouraged me with this piece of
+information certainly thought I was a journeyman locksmith.
+
+I had some view in going to Lyons: on my arrival, I went to the
+Chasattes, to see Mademoiselle du Chatelet, a friend of Madam de Warrens,
+for whom I had brought a letter when I came there with M. le Maitre,
+so that it was an acquaintance already formed.  Mademoiselle du Chatelet
+informed me her friend had passed through Lyons, but could not tell
+whether she had gone on to Piedmont, being uncertain at her departure
+whether it would not be necessary to stop in Savoy; but if I choose,
+she would immediately write for information, and thought my best plan
+would be to remain at Lyons till she received it.  I accepted this offer;
+but did not tell Mademoiselle du Chatelet how much I was pressed for an
+answer, and that my exhausted purse would not permit me to wait long.
+It was not an appearance of coolness that withheld me, on the contrary,
+I was very kindly received, treated on the footing of equality, and this
+took from me the resolution of explaining my circumstances, for I could
+not bear to descend from a companion to a miserable beggar.
+
+I seem to have retained a very connecting remembrance of that part of my
+life contained in this book; yet I think I remember, about the same
+period, another journey to Lyons, (the particulars of which I cannot
+recollect) where I found myself much straitened, and a confused
+remembrance of the extremities to which I was reduced does not contribute
+to recall the idea agreeably.  Had I been like many others, had I
+possessed the talent of borrowing and running in debt at every ale-house
+I came to, I might have fared better; but in that my incapacity equalled
+my repugnance, and to demonstrate the prevalence of both, it will be
+sufficient to say, that though I have passed almost my whole life in
+indifferent circumstances, and frequently have been near wanting bread,
+I was never once asked for money by a creditor without having it in my
+power to pay it instantly; I could never bear to contract clamorous
+debts, and have ever preferred suffering to owing.
+
+Being reduced to pass my nights in the streets, may certainly be called
+suffering, and this was several times the case at Lyons, having preferred
+buying bread with the few pence I had remaining, to bestowing them on a
+lodging; as I was convinced there was less danger of dying for want of
+sleep than of hunger.  What is astonishing, while in this unhappy
+situation, I took no care for the future, was neither uneasy nor
+melancholy, but patiently waited an answer to Mademoiselle du Chatelet's
+letter, and lying in the open air, stretched on the earth, or on a bench,
+slept as soundly as if reposing on a bed of roses.  I remember,
+particularly, to have passed a most delightful night at some distance
+from the city, in a road which had the Rhone, or Soane, I cannot
+recollect which, on the one side, and a range of raised gardens, with
+terraces, on the other.  It had been a very hot day, the evening was
+delightful, the dew moistened the fading grass, no wind was stirring,
+the air was fresh without chillness, the setting sun had tinged the
+clouds with a beautiful crimson, which was again reflected by the water,
+and the trees that bordered the terrace were filled with nightingales who
+were continually answering each other's songs.  I walked along in a kind
+of ecstasy, giving up my heart and senses to the enjoyment of so many
+delights, and sighing only from a regret of enjoying them alone.
+Absorbed in this pleasing reverie, I lengthened my walk till it grew very
+late, without perceiving I was tired; at length, however, I discovered
+it, and threw myself on the step of a kind of niche, or false door,
+in the terrace wall.  How charming was the couch!  the trees formed a
+stately canopy, a nightingale sat directly over me, and with his soft
+notes lulled me to rest: how pleasing my repose; my awaking more so.
+It was broad day; on opening my eyes I saw the water, the verdure, and
+the admirable landscape before me.  I arose, shook off the remains of
+drowsiness, and finding I was hungry, retook the way to the city,
+resolving, with inexpressible gayety, to spend the two pieces of six
+francs I had yet remaining in a good breakfast.  I found myself so
+cheerful that I went all the way singing; I even remember I sang a
+cantata of Batistin's called the Baths of Thomery, which I knew by heart.
+May a blessing light on the good Batistin and his good cantata, which
+procured me a better breakfast than I had expected, and a still better
+dinner which I did not expect at all!  In the midst of my singing,
+I heard some one behind me, and turning round perceived an Antonine,
+who followed after and seemed to listen with pleasure to my song.
+At length accosting me, he asked, If I understood music.  I answered,
+"A little," but in a manner to have it understood I knew a great deal,
+and as he continued questioning of me, related a part of my story.
+He asked me, If I had ever copied music?  I replied, "Often," which was
+true: I had learned most by copying.  "Well," continued he, "come with
+me, I can employ you for a few days, during which time you shall want for
+nothing; provided you consent not to quit my room."  I acquiesced very
+willingly, and followed him.
+
+This Antonine was called M. Rotichon; he loved music, understood it, and
+sang in some little concerts with his friends; thus far all was innocent
+and right, but apparently this taste had become a furor, part of which he
+was obliged to conceal.  He conducted me into a chamber, where I found a
+great quantity of music: he gave me some to copy, particularly the
+cantata he had heard me singing, and which he was shortly to sing
+himself.
+
+I remained here three or four days, copying all the time I did not eat,
+for never in my life was I so hungry, or better fed.  M. Rolichon brought
+my provisions himself from the kitchen, and it appeared that these good
+priests lived well, at least if every one fared as I did.  In my life, I
+never took such pleasure in eating, and it must be owned this good cheer
+came very opportunely, for I was almost exhausted.  I worked as heartily
+as I ate, which is saying a great deal; 'tis true I was not as correct as
+diligent, for some days after, meeting M. Rolichon in the street, he
+informed me there were so many omissions, repetitions, and
+transpositions, in the parts I had copied, that they could not be
+performed.  It must be owned, that in choosing the profession of music,
+I hit on that I was least calculated for; yet my voice was good and I
+copied neatly; but the fatigue of long works bewilders me so much, that
+I spend more time in altering and scratching out than in pricking down,
+and if I do not employ the strictest attention in comparing the several
+parts, they are sure to fail in the execution.  Thus, through endeavoring
+to do well, my performance was very faulty; for aiming at expedition,
+I did all amiss.  This did not prevent M. Rolichon from treating me well
+to the last, and giving me half-a-crown at my departure, which I
+certainly did not deserve, and which completely set me up, for a few days
+after I received news from Madam de Warrens, who was at Chambery, with
+money to defray the expenses of my journey to her, which I performed with
+rapture.  Since then my finances have frequently been very low, but never
+at such an ebb as to reduce me to fasting, and I mark this period with a
+heart fully alive to the bounty of Providence, as the last of my life in
+which I sustained poverty and hunger.
+
+I remained at Lyons seven or eight days to wait for some little
+commissions with which Madam de Warrens had charged Mademoiselle du
+Chatelet, who during this interval I visited more assiduously than
+before, having the pleasure of talking with her of her friend, and being
+no longer disturbed by the cruel remembrance of my situation, or painful
+endeavors to conceal it.  Mademoiselle du Chatelet was neither young nor
+handsome, but did not want for elegance; she was easy and obliging while
+her understanding gave price to her familiarity.  She had a taste for
+that kind of moral observation which leads to the knowledge of mankind,
+and from her originated that study in myself.  She was fond of the works
+of Le Sage, particularly Gil Blas, which she lent me, and recommended to
+my perusal.  I read this performance with pleasure, but my judgment was
+not yet ripe enough to relish that sort of reading.  I liked romances
+which abounded with high-flown sentiments.
+
+Thus did I pass my time at the grate of Mademoiselle du Chatelet, with as
+much profit as pleasure.  It is certain that the interesting and sensible
+conversation of a deserving woman is more proper to form the
+understanding of a young man than all the pedantic philosophy of books.
+I got acquainted at the Chasattes with some other boarders and their
+friends, and among the rest, with a young person of fourteen, called
+Mademoiselle Serre, whom I did not much notice at that time, though I was
+in love with her eight or nine years afterwards, and with great reason,
+for she was a most charming girl.
+
+I was fully occupied with the idea of seeing Madam de Warrens, and this
+gave some respite to my chimeras, for finding happiness in real objects
+I was the less inclined to seek it in nonentities.  I had not only found
+her, but also by her means, and near her, an agreeable situation, having
+sent me word that she had procured one that would suit me, and by which I
+should not be obliged to quit her.  I exhausted all my conjectures in
+guessing what this occupation could be, but I must have possessed the art
+of divination to have hit it on the right.  I had money sufficient to
+make my journey agreeable: Mademoiselle du Chatelet persuaded me to hire
+a horse, but this I could not consent to, and I was certainly right,
+for by so doing I should have lost the pleasure of the last pedestrian
+expedition I ever made; for I cannot give that name to those excursions I
+have frequently taken about my own neighborhood, while I lived at
+Motiers.
+
+It is very singular that my imagination never rises so high as when my
+situation is least agreeable or cheerful.  When everything smiles around
+me, I am least amused; my heart cannot confine itself to realities,
+cannot embellish, but must create.  Real objects strike me as they really
+are, my imagination can only decorate ideal ones.  If I would paint the
+spring, it must be in winter; if describe a beautiful landscape, it must
+be while surrounded with walls; and I have said a hundred times, that
+were I confined in the Bastile, I could draw the most enchanting picture
+of liberty.  On my departure from Lyons, I saw nothing but an agreeable
+future, the content I now with reason enjoyed was as great as my
+discontent had been at leaving Paris, notwithstanding, I had not during
+this journey any of those delightful reveries I then enjoyed.  My mind
+was serene, and that was all; I drew near the excellent friend I was
+going to see, my heart overflowing with tenderness, enjoying in advance,
+but without intoxication, the pleasure of living near her; I had always
+expected this, and it was as if nothing new had happened.  Meantime,
+I was anxious about the employment Madam de Warrens had procured me,
+as if that alone had been material.  My ideas were calm and peaceable,
+not ravishing and celestial; every object struck my sight in its natural
+form; I observed the surrounding landscape, remarked the trees, the
+houses, the springs, deliberated on the cross-roads, was fearful of
+losing myself, yet did not do so; in a word, I was no longer in the
+empyrean, but precisely where I found myself, or sometimes perhaps at
+the end of my journey, never farther.
+
+I am in recounting my travels, as I was in making them, loath to arrive
+at the conclusion.  My heart beat with joy as I approached my dear Madam
+de Warrens, but I went no faster on that account.  I love to walk at my
+ease, and stop at leisure; a strolling life is necessary to me:
+travelling on foot, in a fine country, with fine weather and having an
+agreeable object to terminate my journey, is the manner of living of all
+others most suited to my taste.
+
+It is already understood what I mean by a fine country; never can a flat
+one, though ever so beautiful, appear such in my eyes: I must have
+torrents, fir trees, black woods, mountains to climb or descend, and
+rugged roads with precipices on either side to alarm me.  I experienced
+this pleasure in its utmost extent as I approached Chambery, not far from
+a mountain which is called Pas de l'Echelle.  Above the main road, which
+is hewn through the rock, a small river runs and rushes into fearful
+chasms, which it appears to have been millions of ages in forming.  The
+road has been hedged by a parapet to prevent accidents, which enabled me
+to contemplate the whole descent, and gain vertigoes at pleasure; for a
+great part of my amusement in these steep rocks, is, they cause a
+giddiness and swimming in my head, which I am particularly fond of,
+provided I am in safety; leaning, therefore, over the parapet, I remained
+whole hours, catching, from time to time, a glance of the froth and blue
+water, whose rushing caught my ear, mingled with the cries of ravens, and
+other birds of prep that flew from rock to rock, and bush to bush, at six
+hundred feet below me.  In places where the slope was tolerably regular,
+and clear enough from bushes to let stones roll freely, I went a
+considerable way to gather them, bringing those I could but just carry,
+which I piled on the parapet, and then threw down one after the other,
+being transported at seeing them roll, rebound, and fly into a thousand
+pieces, before they reached the bottom of the precipice.
+
+Near Chambery I enjoyed an equal pleasing spectacle, though of a
+different kind; the road passing near the foot of the most charming
+cascade I ever saw.  The water, which is very rapid, shoots from the top
+of an excessively steep mountain, falling at such a distance from its
+base that you may walk between the cascade and the rock without any
+inconvenience; but if not particularly careful it is easy to be deceived
+as I was, for the water, falling from such an immense height, separates,
+and descends in a rain as fine as dust, and on approaching too near this
+cloud, without perceiving it, you may be wet through in an instant.
+
+At length I arrived at Madam de Warrens; she was not alone, the
+intendant-general was with her.  Without speaking a word to me, she
+caught my hand, and presenting me to him with that natural grace which
+charmed all hearts, said: "This, sir, is the poor young man I mentioned;
+deign to protect him as long as he deserves it, and I shall feel no
+concern for the remainder of his life."  Then added, addressing herself
+to me, "Child, you now belong to the king, thank Monsieur the Intendant,
+who furnishes you with the means of existence."  I stared without
+answering, without knowing what to think of all this; rising ambition
+almost turned my head; I was already prepared to act the intendant
+myself.  My fortune, however, was not so brilliant as I had imagined, but
+it was sufficient to maintain me, which, as I was situated, was a capital
+acquisition.  I shall now explain the nature of my employment.
+
+King Victor Amadeus, judging by the event of preceding wars, and the
+situation of the ancient patrimony of his fathers, that he should not
+long be able to maintain it, wished to drain it beforehand.  Resolving,
+therefore, to tax the nobility, he ordered a general survey of the whole
+country, in order that it might be rendered more equal and productive.
+This scheme, which was begun under the father, was completed by the son:
+two or three hundred men, part surveyors, who were called geometricians,
+and part writers, who were called secretaries, were employed in this
+work: among those of the latter description Madam de Warrens had got me
+appointed.  This post, without being very lucrative, furnished the means
+of living eligibly in that country; the misfortune was, this employment
+could not be of any great duration, but it put me in train to procure
+something better, as by this means she hoped to insure the particular
+protection of the intendant, who might find me some more settled
+occupation before this was concluded.
+
+I entered on my new employment a few days after my arrival, and as there
+was no great difficulty in the business, soon understood it; thus, after
+four or five years of unsettled life, folly, and suffering, since my
+departure from Geneva, I began, for the first time, to gain my bread with
+credit.
+
+These long details of my early youth must have appeared trifling, and I
+am sorry for it: though born a man, in a variety of instances, I was long
+a child, and am so yet in many particulars.  I did not promise the public
+a great personage: I promised to describe myself as I am, and to know me
+in my advanced age it was necessary to have known me in my youth.  As,
+in general, objects that are present make less impression on me than the
+bare remembrance of them (my ideas being all from recollection), the
+first traits which were engraven on my mind have distinctly remained:
+those which have since been imprinted there, have rather combined with
+the former than effaced them.  There is a certain, yet varied succession
+of affections and ideas, which continue to regulate those that follow
+them, and this progression must be known in order to judge rightly of
+those they have influenced.  I have studied to develop the first causes,
+the better to show the concatenation of effects.  I would be able by some
+means to render my soul transparent to the eyes of the reader, and for
+this purpose endeavor to show it in every possible point of view, to give
+him every insight, and act in such a manner, that not a motion should
+escape him, as by this means he may form a judgment of the principles
+that produce them.
+
+Did I take upon myself to decide, and say to the reader, "Such is my
+character," he might think that if I did not endeavor to deceive him,
+I at least deceived myself; but in, recounting simply all that has
+happened to me, all my actions, thoughts, and feelings, I cannot lead him
+into an error, unless I do it wilfully, which by this means I could not
+easily effect, since it is his province to compare the elements, and
+judge of the being they compose: thus the result must be his work, and if
+he is then deceived the error will be his own.  It is not sufficient for
+this purpose that my recitals should be merely faithful, they must also
+be minute; it is not for me to judge of the importance of facts, I ought
+to declare them simply as they are, and leave the estimate that is to be
+formed of them to him.  I have adhered to this principle hitherto, with
+the most scrupulous exactitude, and shall not depart from it in the
+continuation; but the impressions of age are less lively than those of
+youth; I began by delineating the latter: should I recollect the rest
+with the same precision, the reader, may, perhaps, become weary and
+impatient, but I shall not be dissatisfied with my labor.  I have but one
+thing to apprehend in this undertaking: I do not dread saying too much,
+or advancing falsities, but I am fearful of not saying enough, or
+concealing truths.
+
+
+
+
+ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:
+
+Have ever preferred suffering to owing
+I was long a child, and am so yet in many particulars
+
+
+
+
+End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of Rousseau, v4
+by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
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