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diff --git a/39060-h/39060-h.htm b/39060-h/39060-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3bf1cd8 --- /dev/null +++ b/39060-h/39060-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,4802 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Wild Oats by John O'Keeffe.</title> +<style type="text/css"> + body {background:#fdfdfd; + color:black; + font-size: large; + margin-top:100px; + margin-left:15%; + margin-right:15%; + text-align:justify; } + h1, h2, h3, h4, h5, h6 {text-align: center; } + hr.minimal { width: 25%; + text-align: center; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; } + hr.tiny { width: 10%; + text-align: center; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; } + hr { width: 100%; } + hr.full { width: 100%; + margin-top: 3em; + margin-bottom: 0em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + height: 3px; + border-width: 4px 0 0 0; /* remove all borders except the top one */ + border-style: solid; + border-color: #000000; + clear: both; } + .ex { float: right; clear: right; margin-top: 0em; margin-right: 1em; margin-bottom: 0em; } + table {font-size: large; } + table.sm {font-size: medium; } + td.w50 { width: 50%; } + p {text-indent: 3%; } + p.noindent { text-indent: 0%; } + .caption { font-size: small; + font-weight: bold; } + .center { text-align: center; } + img { border: 0; } + .ind2 { margin-left: 2em; } + ins { text-decoration: none; border-bottom: thin dotted gray;} + .nowrap { white-space: nowrap; } + .right { text-align: right; } + .small { font-size: 70%; } + .smallcaps { font-variant: small-caps; } + a:link {color:blue; + text-decoration:none} + link {color:blue; + text-decoration:none} + a:visited {color:blue; + text-decoration:none} + a:hover {color:red; + text-decoration: underline; } + pre {font-size: 70%; } +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Wild Oats, by John O'Keeffe + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license + + +Title: Wild Oats + or, The Strolling Gentlemen + +Author: John O'Keeffe + +Release Date: March 6, 2012 [EBook #39060] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WILD OATS *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + +</pre> + +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<h1>WILD OATS;</h1> +<p> </p> +<h5>OR,</h5> +<h3>THE STROLLING GENTLEMEN;</h3> +<p> </p> +<h4>A COMEDY,<br /> +<br /> +<span class="wide">IN FIVE ACTS;</span></h4> +<p> </p> +<h5>AS PERFORMED AT THE</h5> +<h4>THEATRE ROYAL, COVENT GARDEN.</h4> +<p> </p> +<h5>BY</h5> +<h2>JOHN O'KEEFFE, <span class="smallcaps">Esq.</span></h2> +<p> </p> +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><span class="small">PRINTED UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF THE MANAGERS</span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="small">FROM THE PROMPT BOOK.</span></p></div> +<p> </p> +<h5>WITH REMARKS</h5> +<h3>BY MRS. INCHBALD.</h3> +<p> </p> +<hr class="tiny" /> +<p> </p> +<h4>LONDON:</h4> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"> +<span class="small">PRINTED FOR LONGMAN, HURST, REES, AND ORME,</span><br /> +<span class="small">PATERNOSTER ROW.</span> +<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +<span class="small">SAVAGE AND EASINGWOOD,</span><br /> +<span class="small">PRINTERS, LONDON.</span> +</p> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<h3>REMARKS.</h3> + +<p>With a double respect for talents, and for misfortune, +these remarks are begun.</p> + +<p>The present comedy is written by O'Keeffe, who saw +not the traces of his pen as he marked the paper; +whose days pass away, uncheered by the sun or any +visible object; but whose mind supports with resignation +his bitter calamity, and is enlightened by +imagination, whilst his eyes are shut in utter darkness.</p> + +<p>Were each close imitator of an author's style punishable +by law, like the perpetrator of other wrongs, +Mr. O'Keeffe might have been an independent, though +not a happy man; for that source of a new kind of mirth, +termed by some exquisite nonsense, of which he was +the first discoverer, made the town so merry, that, +like good wine, he might have sold it at any price; +but this rich juice of hilarity, polluted by the false +spirit of imitation, at length gave a stupor to those, whom +the beverage had before revived; and the pure and the +adulterated became distasteful together.</p> + +<p>This comedy is the only attempt of the author to +produce a drama above opera and farce. His productions, +in the latter species of writing, are perfect +compositions: nothing of the kind can be superior to +his "Agreeable Surprise," and his "Son-in-Law." +He has a number of other farces of little less attraction; +such as "Peeping Tom."—Another class after +that, and each possessing infinite fancy, whim, and +novelty. Still success did not follow all his productions: +a few years past he wrote very frequently, and +sometimes too hastily.</p> + +<p>On the first night of representing any of those +whimsical dramas, amidst loud peals of laughter at +the comic dialogue or incidents, there was generally a +most affecting spectacle behind the curtain. O'Keeffe, +stone-blind, (not an affliction of birth, but of late +years) led by his little son, as a guide, down to the +stage-door—to the lock of which he would anxiously +place his ear to catch the quickest information how +his work was received—and when, unhappily hisses +from the audience would sound louder than applause—in +strong agitation he would press his hands to each +side of his head, as if he had yet one sense too much. +Thus he would remain, without sight or hearing, till +some unexpected sally of humour in his drama once +more put the house in good temper, and they would +begin to laugh and applaud;—on which, his son, +rapid as lightning, would pull him by the elbow, and +cry out, "Now, father, listen again."</p> + +<p>"Wild Oats," would not disgrace an author of +much higher pretensions in dramatic writing than +Mr. O'Keeffe. There is great pleasantry throughout +the play, many natural touches of simplicity, and +some well-written dialogues and sentiments. The plot +is interesting, the characters new, or at least in new +situations, and the whole forms an evening's entertainment +for an auditor of taste—such a one having at the +same time in his memory, certain popular sentences +from certain well-known comedies and tragedies: for +without intimate acquaintance with all the quotations +made use of by the hero of the piece, it must +totally lose its effect, and this hero appear like a +madman.</p> + +<p>Perhaps, no comedy, on a first night, was ever +more fortunate in a list of excellent comic actors +to represent the characters.</p> + +<p>Lewis, in Rover, fervid as usual, seemed so enamoured +of his stage exploits, that every spectator forgave +him his folly, for the bewitching ardour with +which he pursued it.</p> + +<p>In Ephraim, the quaker, the spirit moved Munden—as +it always does—to act just as he should do.</p> + +<p>Quick was on the London stage when this play +was first performed, and though Sir George Thunder +was by no means a part best suited to his abilities—yet +Quick gave comic importance to all he undertook.</p> + +<p>Mr. Thomas Blanchard, since dead, played the little +part of Sim with wond'rous skill.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Pope (once Miss Young) was excellent in Lady +Amaranth.</p> + +<p>And the silly Jane can never have so good a representative +as Mrs. Wells.</p> + +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3>PERSONS REPRESENTED.</h3> +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="2" summary="cast"> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Sir George Thunder</span><span class="ind2"> </span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Quick.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Rover</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Lewis.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Harry</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Holman.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Banks</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Hull.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Wilson.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Farmer Gammon</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Cubit.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Lamp</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. C. Powell.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Ephraim Smooth</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Munden.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Sim</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Blanchard.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Zachariah</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Rees.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Midge</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Macready.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Trap</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Evatt.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Twitch</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Rock.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mr. Powell.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mrs. Pope.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Miss Chapman.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><span class="smallcaps">Jane</span></td><td align="left" valign="top"><i>Mrs. Wells.</i></td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="center" valign="top" colspan="2"><i>SCENE,—Part of Hampshire.</i></td></tr> +</table> +</div> +<p> </p> + +<p> </p> +<h2>WILD OATS.</h2> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<h3>ACT THE FIRST.</h3> + +<h5>SCENE I.</h5> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Parlour in</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth's</span> <i>House</i>.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>.</p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> Fine cruizing this! without flip or biscuit! +don't know who's the Governor of this here fort; but +if he can victual us a few—how hollow my bread +room sounds! [<i>Striking his sides.</i>] I'm as empty as a +stoved keg, and as tired as an old Dutchman—my +obstinate master, Sir George, to tow my old hulk—aboard +the house, ha, hoy!</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> [<i>Without.</i>] John! John Dory!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> [<i>Sits.</i>] I'm at anchor.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George Thunder</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> I don't know who's house we've got into +here, John; but I think, when he knows me, we may +hope for some refreshment—Eh! [<i>Looking at</i> <span class="smallcaps">John</span>.] +was not I your captain?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Yes; and I was your boatswain. And what +of all that?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Then how dare you sit in my presence, +you bluff head?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Why, for the matter of that, I don't mind; +but had I been your captain, and you my boatswain, +the man, that stood by me at sea, should be welcome +to sit before me at land.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> That's true, my dear John; offer to stand +up, and, damme, if I don't knock you down—zounds! +I am as dry as a powder match—to sail at the rate +of ten knots an hour, over fallow and stubble, from +my own house, but half a league on this side of Gosport, +and not catch these deserters!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> In this here chase you wanted the ballast of +wisdom.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> How, sirrah! hasn't my dear old friend, +Dick Broadside, got the command of the ship I so +often fought myself—to man it for him with expedition, +didn't I (out of my own pocket) offer two guineas +over the king's bounty to every seaman that would +enter on board her? Hav'n't these three scoundrels +fingered the shot, then ran, and didn't I do right to +run after them? Damn the money! I no more mind +that than a piece of clinker; but 'twas the pride of my +heart to see my beloved ship (the Eagle) well mann'd, +when my old friend is the commander.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> But since you've laid yourself up in ordinary, +retired to live in quiet, on your estate, and had +done with all sea affairs—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> John, John, a man should forget his own +convenience for his country's good.—Though Broadside's +letter said these fellows were lurking about +this part of Hampshire, yet still it's all hide and +seek.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Your ill luck.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Mine, you swab?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Ay, you've money and gold; but grace and +good fortune have shook hands with you these nineteen +years, for that rogue's trick you play'd poor Miss +Amelia, by deceiving her with a sham marriage, when +you passed yourself for Captain Seymour, and then +putting off to sea, leaving her to break her poor heart, +and since marrying another lady.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Wasn't I forc'd to it by my father?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i>—Ay; because she had a great fortin, her +death too was a judgment upon you.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, you impudent dog-fish!—upbraid me +for running into false bay, when you were my pilot? +Wasn't it you, even brought me the false clergyman that +performed the sham marriage with Amelia?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Yes, you think so; but I took care to bring +you a real clergyman.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> But is this a time or place for your lectures? +At home, abroad, sea, or land, you will still +badger me! mention my Wild Oats again and—you +scoundrel, since the night my bedcurtains took fire, +when you were my boatswain aboard the Eagle, +you've got me quite into leading strings—you snatched +me upon deck, and tossed me into the sea,—to save +me from being burnt, I was almost drowned.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> You would but for me—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Yes, you dragged me out by the ear, like a +waterdog—last week, 'cause you found the tenth bottle +uncorked, you rushed in among my friends, and +ran away with me; and, next morning Captain +O'Shanaghan sends me a challenge for quitting the +company, when he was in the chair! so, to save me +from a headach, you'd like to've got my brains blown +out.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Oh, very well; be burnt in your bed, and +tumble in the water, by jumping into boats, like a +tight fellow as you are, and poison yourself with sloe +juice; see if John cares a piece of mouldy biscuit +about it. But I wish you hadn't made me your valet +de shamber. No sooner was I got on shore, after +five years dashing among rocks, shoals, and breakers, +than you sets me on a high-trotting cart horse, which +knockt me up and down like an old bomb-boat in the +Bay of Biscay, and here's nothing to drink after all! +Because at home you keep open house, you think every +body else does the same.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, by sailing into this strange port, we +may be more free than welcome.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Holla! I'll never cease piping, 'till it calls up +a drop to wet my whistle. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Yes, (as John Dory remarks) I fear my +trip through life will be attended with heavy squalls +and foul weather. When my conduct to poor Amelia +comes athwart my mind, it's a hurricane for that day, +and turn in at night, the ballad of "Margaret and +William," rings in my ear. [<i>Sings.</i>] "In glided Margaret's +grimly ghost." Oh, zounds! the dismals are +coming upon me, and can't get a cheering glass to—holloa!</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim Smooth</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Friend, what would'st thou have?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Grog.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Neither man nor woman of that name abideth +here.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Ha, ha, ha! man and woman! then if +you'll bring me Mr. Brandy and Mrs. Water, we'll +couple them, and the first child probably will be Master +Grog.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Thou dost speak in parables, which I understand +not.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Sheer off with your sanctified poop, and +send the gentleman of the house.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> The owner of this mansion is a maiden, and +she approacheth.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Do I behold?—It is! how dost thou +uncle?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Is it possible you can be my niece, Lady +Maria Amaranth Thunder?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> I am the daughter of thy deceased brother +Loftus, called Earl Thunder, but no lady, my +name is Mary.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> But, zounds! how is all this? Eh! unexpectedly +find you in a strange house, of which old +Sly here tells me you're the mistress; turned quaker, +and disclaim your title!</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Thou know'st the relation to whose care +my father left me?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Well! I know our cousin, old Dovehouse, +was a quaker! but I didn't suspect he would have +made you one.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Being now gathered to his fathers, he +did bequeath unto me his worldly goods; amongst +them this mansion, and the lands around it.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> So thou becom'st and continue one of the +faithful. I am executor of his will, and by it, I cannot +give thee, Mary, possession of these goods, but on +those conditions.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Tell me of your thee's and thou's, quaker's +wills and mansions! I say, girl, though on the death +of your father, my eldest brother, Loftus, Earl Thunder, +from your being a female, his title devolved to +his next brother, Robert; though, as a woman, you +can't be an earl, nor as a woman, you can't make +laws for your sex and our sex, yet, as the daughter +of a peer, you are, and, by Heaven, shall be called +Lady Maria Amaranth Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Thou makest too much noise, friend.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Call me friend, and I'll bump your block +against the capstern.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Yea, this is a man of danger, and I will leave +Mary to abide it. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir G.</i> 'Sfire, my lady—</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Title is vanity.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Zachariah</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Zach.</i> Shall thy cook, this day, roast certain birds +of the air, call'd woodcocks, and ribs of the oxen +likewise?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> All. My uncle sojourneth with me peradventure, +and my meal shall be a feast, friend Zachariah.</p> + +<p><i>Zach.</i> My tongue shall say so, friend Mary.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> [<i>Strikes him.</i>] Sir George Thunder bids +thee remember to call your mistress, Lady Amaranth.</p> + +<p><i>Zach.</i> Verily, George.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> George! sirrah, though a younger brother, +the honour of knighthood was my reward for +placing the glorious British flag over that of a daring +enemy—therefore address me with respect.</p> + +<p><i>Zach.</i> Yea, I do, good George. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> George and Mary! here's levelling, here's +abolition of title with a vengeance!</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Kinsman, be patient; thou, and thy son, +my cousin Henry, whom I have not beheld, I think, +these twelve years, shall be welcome to my dwelling. +Where now abideth the youth?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> At the Naval Academy, at Portsmouth.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> May I not see the young man?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What, to make a quaker of him?—No, +no. But, hold, as she's now a wealthy heiress, her +marrying my son Harry, will keep up and preserve +her title in our own family too. [<i>Aside.</i>] Would'st +thou really be glad to see him? thou shalt, Mary. +Ha, ha, ha! John Dory! [<i>Calling.</i>] Here comes my +valet de chambre.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> Why, sir—such a breeze sprung up!</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Avast, old man of war; you must instantly +convoy my son from Portsmouth.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Then I must first convoy him to Portsmouth, +for he happens to be out of the dock already.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What wind now?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> You know, on our quitting harbour—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Damn your sea jaw, you marvellous dolphin, +give the contents of your logbook in plain English.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> The young squire has cut and run.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Got leave to come to you: and master didn't +find out before yesterday, that, instead of making for +home, he had sheer'd off towards London; directly +sent notice to you, and Sam has traced us all the way +here to bring you the news.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What, a boy of mine quit his guns? I'll +grapple him.—Come, John.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Order the carriage for mine uncle.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> No, thank ye, my lady. Let your equipage +keep up your own dignity. I have horses here; +but I won't knock 'em up; next village is the channel +for the stage—My lady, I'll bring the dog to you by +the bowsprit.—Weigh anchor! crowd sail! and after +him! <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span>. [<i>Peeping in.</i>] + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> The man of noise doth not tarry, then my +spirit is glad.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Let Sarah prepare chambers for my kinsman, +and hire the maiden for me that thou didst +mention.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I will; for this damsel is passing fair, and +hath found grace in mine eyes. Mary, as thou +art yet a stranger in this land, and just taken possession +of this estate, the laws of society command thee +to be on terms of amity with thy wealthy neighbours.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Yea; but while I entertain the rich, the +hearts of the poor shall also rejoice; I myself will +now go forth into the adjacent hamlet, and invite all +that cometh, to hearty cheer.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Yea, I will distribute among the poor good +books.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> And meat and drink too, friend Ephraim. +In the fulness of plenty, they shall join in +thanksgiving for those gifts of which I am so unworthy. <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> + +<h5>SCENE II.</h5> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>A Road.</i><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Harry Thunder</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Midge</span> <i>follows,<br /> +calling</i>.</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> I say, Dick Buskin! harkye, my lad!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> What keeps Rover?</p> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> I'm sure I don't know. As you desired, +I paid for our breakfast. But the devil's in that +fellow; every inn we stop at, he will always hang +behind, chattering to the bar-maid, or chamber-maid.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Or any, or no maid. But he's a worthy +lad; and I love him better, I think, than my own +brother, had I one.</p> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> Oh! but, Dick, mind, my boy.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Stop, Midge. Though 'twas my orders, +when I set out on this scamper with the players, (the +better to conceal my quality,) for you, before people, +to treat me as your companion; yet, at the same +time, you should have had discretion enough to remember, +when we're alone, that I am still your +master, and son to Sir George Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> Sir, I ask your pardon; but by making +yourself my equal, I've got so used to familiarity, that +I find it curst hard to shake it off.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Well, sir, pray mind, that familiarity is all +over now. My frolic's out, I now throw off the +player, and shall directly return. My father must +by this time, have heard of my departure from the +academy at Portsmouth; and, though I was deluded +away by my rage for a little acting, yet 'twas wrong +of me to give the gay old fellow any cause of uneasiness.</p> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> And, sir, shall you and I never act another +scene together? Shall I never again play Colonel +Standard for my own benefit? Never again have the +pleasure of caning your honour in the character of Tom +Errand.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> In future, act the part of a smart hat and +coat brusher; or I shall have the honour of kicking +you in the character of an idle puppy. You were a +good servant; but I find, by letting you crack your +jokes, and sit in my company, you're grown quite a +rascal.</p> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> Yes, sir, I was a modest, well behaved +lad; but evil communication corrupts good manners.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Begone, sirrah, 'till I call for you.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Midge</span>, <i>grumbling</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Well, if my father but forgives me.—This +three month's excursion has shewn me some life, and +a devilish deal of fun. For one circumstance, I shall +ever remember it with delight. Its bringing me acquainted +with Jack Rover. How long he stays! Jack! +In this forlorn stroller, I have discovered qualities that +honour human nature, and accomplishments that +might grace a prince. I don't know a pleasanter fellow, +except when he gets to his abominable habit of +quotation. I hope he will not find the purse I've hid +in his coat pocket, before we part. I dread the moment, +but it's come.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>Without.</i>] "The brisk li-li-lightening I."</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Ay, here's the rattle. Hurried on by the +impetuous flow of his own volatile spirits, his life is a +rapid stream of extravagant whim; and while the serious +voice of humanity prompts his heart to the best +of actions, his features shine in laugh and levity. Studying +Bays, eh, Jack?</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "I am the bold Thunder."</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> [<i>Aside.</i>] I am, if he knew but all.—Keep +one standing in the road.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Beg your pardon, my dear Dick; but all +the fault of—Plague on't, that a man can't sleep and +breakfast at an inn, then return up to his bedchamber +for his gloves that he'd forgot, but there he must find +chambermaids, thumping feathers and knocking pillows +about, and keep one when one has affairs and business. +'Pon <ins title="original has my my">my</ins> soul, these girls' conduct to us +is intolerable. The very thought brings the blood +into my face, and whenever they attempt to serve, +provoke me so, damme but I will, I will—An't I right, +Dick?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> No; "all in the wrong."</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> No matter, Dick; that's the universal play +"all round the wrekin:" but you are so conceited, because, +by this company you're going to join at Winchester, +you are engaged for high tragedy.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> And you for Rangers, Plumes, and Foppingtons.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Our first play is Lear. I was devilish imperfect +in Edgar, t'other night at Lymington. I must +look it over. [<i>Takes out a book.</i>] "Away, the foul +fiend follows me!" Hollo! stop a moment, we shall +have the whole county after us. <span class="ex">[<i>Going.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> What now?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> That rosy faced chambermaid put me in +such a passion, that, by Heaven, I walked out of the +house, and forgot to pay our bill. <span class="ex">[<i>Going.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Never mind, Rover, it's paid.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Paid! why, neither you nor Midge had money +enough. No, really!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Ha, ha, ha! I tell you 'tis.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You paid? Oh, very well. Every honest +fellow should be a stock purse. Come then, let's push +on now. Ten miles to Winchester; we shall be there +by eleven.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Our trunks are booked at the inn for the +Winchester coach.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Ay, to foreign climates my old trunk I +bear." But I prefer walking to the car of Thespis.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Which is the way?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Here.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Then, I go there. [<i>Pointing opposite.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> My dear boy, on this spot, and at this moment, +we must part.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Part!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Rover, you wish me well.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Well, and suppose so. Part, eh! What mystery +and grand? What are you at? Do you forget,—you, +Midge, and I, are engaged to Truncheon, the manager, +and that the bills are already up with our +names to-night to play at Winchester?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Jack, you and I have often met on a stage +in assumed characters; if it's your wish we should +ever meet again in our real ones, of sincere friends, +without asking whither I go, or my motives for leaving +you, when I walk up this road, do you turn down +that.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Joke!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> I'm serious. Good b'ye!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> If you repent your engagement with Truncheon, +I'll break off too, and go with you wherever—[<i>Takes him under the arm.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Attempt to follow me, and even our acquaintance +ends.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Don't think of my reasons, only that it +must be.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Have I done any thing to Dick Buskin? +leave me! [<i>Turns and puts his handkerchief to his eyes.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> I am as much concerned as you to—Good +b'ye!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I can't even bid him—I won't neither—If +any cause could have given—Farewell.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Bless my poor fellow! Adieu. [<i>Silently +weeps.</i>]</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt several ways.</i></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3>ACT THE SECOND.</h3> + +<h5>SCENE I.</h5> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>A Village, a Farm House, and near it, a Cottage.</i><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Farmer Gammon</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span>.</p> +</div> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Well, Master Ephraim, I may depend on +thee, as you quakers never break your words.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I have spoken to Mary, and she, at my request, +consenteth to take thy daughter, Jane, as her +handmaid.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Very good of you.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Goodness I do like, and also—comely Jane. +[<i>Aside.</i>] The maiden I will prefer, for the sake of—myself. +[<i>Aside.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> I intended to make a present to the person +that does me such a piece of service; but I shan't +affront you with it.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I am meek and humble, and must take +affronts.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Then here's a guinea, master Ephraim.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I expected not this; but there is no harm in +a guinea. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> So I shall get my children off my hands. +My son, Sim, is robbing me day and night,—giving +away my corn and what not among the poor.—My +daughter Jane—when girls have nought to do, this +love-mischief creeps into their minds, and then hey! +they're for kicking up their heels.—Sim! [<i>Calling.</i>]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Yes, feyther.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Call your sister.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Jane, feyther wants you.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>, <i>from the house, with linen she had been<br /> +working</i>.</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Did you call me?</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> I often told you both, (but it's now settled) +you must go out into the world, and work for your +bread.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Well, feyther, whatever you think right, must +be so, and I'm content.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> And I'm sure, feyther, I'm willing to do as +you'd have me.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> There's ingratitude for you! When my +wife died, I brought you both up from the shell, and +now you want to fly off and forsake me.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Why no; I'm willing to live with you all my +days.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> And I'm sure, feyther, if it's your desire I'll +never part from you.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> What, you want to hang upon me like a +couple of leeches, ay, to strip my branches, and leave +me a wither'd hawthorn! See who's yon.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim.</span></p> + +<p class="noindent">Jane, Ephraim Smooth has hired you for Lady Amaranth.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> O lack! then I shall live in the great house.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> She has sent us all presents of good books, +[<i>Gives her one.</i>] to read a chapter in. That, when +one's in a passion, gives a mon patience.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Thank her good ladyship.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> My being incumbred with you both is the +cause why old Banks won't give me his sister.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> That's a pity. If we must have a step-mother, +Madam Amelia would make us a very good +one. But I wonder how she can refuse you, feyther, +for I'm sure she must think you a very portly man in +your scarlet vest and new scratch. You can't think +how parsonable you'd look, if you'd only shave twice +a week, and put sixpence in the poor-box. [<i>Retires +reading.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> However, if Banks still refuses, I have him +in my power. I'll turn them both out of their cottage +yonder, and the bailiff shall provide them with a +lodging.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p class="noindent">Well, neighbour Banks, once for all, am I to marry +your sister?</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> That she best knows.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Ay, but she says she won't.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Then I dare say she won't, for though a +woman, I never knew her to speak what she didn't +think.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Then she won't have me? A fine thing +this, that you and she, who are little better than +paupers, dare be so damn'd saucy!</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Why, farmer, I confess we're poor: but +while that's the worst our enemies can say of us, we're +content.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Od, dom it! I wish I had now a good, +fair occasion to quarrel with him; I'd make him content +with a devil to him; I'd knock'en down, send +him to jail and—But I'll be up with him!</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Oh, feyther, here's one Mr. Lamp, a ring-leader +of showfolks come from Andover to act in our +village. He wants a barn to play in, if you'll hire +him yourn.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Surely, boy. I'll never refuse money. +But, lest he should engage the great room in the inn, +run thou and tell him—Stop, I'll go myself—A short +cut through that garden.—</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Why you, or any neighbour is welcome to +walk in it, or to partake of what it produces, but +making it a common thoroughfare is—</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Here, Sim, kick open that garden gate.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> What?</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Does the lad hear?</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Why yes, yes.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Does the fool understand.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Dang it, I'm as yet but young; but if understanding +teaches me how to wrong my neighbour, I +hope I may never live to years of discretion.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> What, you cur, do you disobey your feyther? +Burst open the garden gate, as I command you.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Feyther, he, that made both you and the garden, +commands me not to injure the unfortunate.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Here's an ungracious rogue! Then I must +do it myself. [<i>Advances.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> [<i>Stands before it.</i>] Hold, neighbour. Small +as this spot is, it's now my only possession: and the +man shall first take my life, who sets a foot in it against +my will.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> I'm in such a passion.—</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> [<i>Comes forward.</i>] Feyther, if you're in a passion, +read the good book you gave me.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Plague of the wench! But, you hussey, +I'll—and you, you unlucky bird!</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent">[<i>A shower of rain.</i>]—<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span> <i>hastily</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Zounds! here's a pelting shower, and no +shelter! "Poor Tom's a-cold;" I'm wet through—Oh, +here's a fair promising house. [<i>Going to Gammon's.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> [<i>Stops him.</i>] Hold, my lad. Can't let folks +in, till I know who are they. There's a public house +not above a mile on.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Step in here, young man; my fire is small, +but it shall cheer you with a hearty welcome.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>.] The poor cottager! [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Gammon</span>.] +And the substantial farmer! [<i>Kneels.</i>] "Hear, +Nature, dear goddess, hear! If ever you designed to +make his corn-fields fruitful, change thy purpose; +that, from the blighted ear no grain may fall to fat +his <i>stubble goose</i>—and, when to town he drives his +hogs, so like himself, oh, let him feel the soaking rain; +then may he curse his crime too late, and know how +sharper than a serpent's tooth 'tis"—Damme, but I'm +spouting in the rain all this time.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Jumps up, and runs into</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks's</span>.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Ay, neighbour, you'll soon scratch a beggar's +head, if you harbour every mad vagrant. This +may be one of the footpads, that, it seems, have got +about the country; but I'll have an execution, and +seize on thy goods, this day, my charitable neighbour! +Eh, the sun strikes out, quite cleared up.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> La, feyther, if there is'nt coming down the +village—</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Ah, thou hussey!</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Bless me, feyther! No time for anger now. +Here's Lady Amaranth's chariot, drawn by her new +grand long-tailed horses.—La! it stops.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Her ladyship is coming out, and walks +this way.—She may wish to rest herself in my house. +Jane, we must always make rich folks welcome.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Dear me, I'll run in and set things to rights. +But, feyther, your cravat and wig are all got so rumplified +with your cross-grained tantarums.—<ins title="original has Ill">I'll</ins> tie +your neck in a big beau, and for your wig, if there is +any flour in the drudging box—[<i>Adjusts them, and +runs into the house.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Oh! the bailiff too that I engaged.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Twitch</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Well, Master Gammon, as you desir'd, I'm +come to serve this here warrant of yours, and arrest +Master Banks; where is he?</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Yes, now I be's determined on't—he's—zounds! +stand aside, I'll speak to you anon. [<i>Looking +out.</i>]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth, Zachariah</span> <i>following</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Friend, Jane, whom I have taken to be +my handmaid, is thy daughter?</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Ay, so her mother said, an't please your +ladyship.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Ephraim Smooth acquainteth me thou +art a wealthy yeoman.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Why, my lady, I pay my rent.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Being yet a stranger on my estate around +here, I have passed through thy hamlet to behold with +mine own eye the distresses of my poor tenants. I +wish to relieve their wants.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Right, your ladyship: for charity hides a +deal of sins. How good of you to think of the poor! +that's so like me; I'm always contriving how to relieve +my neighbours—you must lay Banks in jail to-night. +[<i>Apart to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Twitch</span>.]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> A'nt please you, will your ladyship enter our +humble dwelling, and rest your ladyship in feyther's +great cane bottom'd elbow chair with a high back. +[<i>Curtsies.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Do, my lady. To receive so great a body +from her own chariot is an honour I dreamt not of; +though, for the hungry and weary foot traveller, my +doors are always open, and my morsel ready. Knock; +when he comes out, touch him. [<i>Aside to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Twitch</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Thou art benevolent, and I will enter +thy dwelling with satisfaction.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> O precious! This way, my lady.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt all but</i> <span class="smallcaps">Twitch</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Eh, where's the warrant? [<i>Feels his pocket, +and knocks at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks's</span> <i>door</i>.]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Master Twitch! What's your business with +me?</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Only a little affair here against you.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Me!</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Yes; Farmer Gammon has bought a thirty +pound note of hand of yours.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Indeed! Well, I didn't think his malice +could have stretched so far—I thought the love, he +professed for my sister, might—why, it is true, Master +Twitch, to lend our indigent cottagers small sums +when they've been unable to pay their rents, I got +lawyer Quirk to procure me this money, and hoped +their industry would have put it in my power to take +up my note before now. However, I'll go round and +try what they can do, then call on you and settle it.</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> You must go with me.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>Without.</i>] Old gentleman, come quick, or +I'll draw another bottle of your currant wine.</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> You'd best not make a noise, but come. +[<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>.]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Oh, you're here? Rain over—quite fine—I'll +take a sniff of the open air too—Eh, what's the +matter?</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> What's that to you?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> What's that to me? Why, you're a very +unmannerly—</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Oh, here's a rescue!</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Nay, my dear sir, I'd wish you not to bring +yourself into trouble about me.</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Now, since you don't know what's civil, if +the debt's not paid directly, to jail you go.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> My kind, hospitable good old man to jail! +What's the amount, you scoundrel.</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Better words, or I'll—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Stop; utter you a word good or bad, except +to tell me what's your demand upon this gentleman, +and I'll give you the greatest beating you ever +got since the hour you commenced rascal. [<i>In a low +tone.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Why, master, I don't want to quarrel with +you, because—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You'll get nothing by it. Do you know, +you villain, that I am this moment the greatest man +living?</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Who, pray?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "I am the bold Thunder!" Sirrah, know +that I carry my purse of gold in my coat-pocket. +Though damme if I know how a purse came there. +[<i>Aside, and takes it out.</i>] There's twenty pictures of his +majesty; therefore, in the king's name, I free his +liege subject; [<i>Takes Banks away.</i>] and now who am +I? Ah, ah!</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Ten pieces short, my master; but if you're +a housekeeper I'll take this and your bail.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Then for bail you must have a housekeeper? +What's to be done!</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Gammon</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p class="noindent">Ah, here's old hospitality! I know you've a house, +though your fire side was too warm for me. Lookye, +here's some rapacious, griping rascal, has had this +worthy gentleman arrested. Now a certain, good-for-nothing, +rattling fellow has paid twenty guineas; +you pass your word for the other nine, we'll step back +into the old gentleman's friendly house, and over his +currant wine, our first toast shall be, liberty to the +honest debtor, and confusion to the hard hearted +creditor.</p> + +<p><i>Gam.</i> I shan't.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Shan't! What's your name?</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Gammon.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Gammon! Dem'me, you're the Hampshire +hog.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">F. Gammon</span>.</p> + +<p class="noindent">'Sdeath! How shall I do to extricate—? I wish I +had another purse in my waistcoat pocket.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>, <i>from</i> <span class="smallcaps">Gammon's,<br /> +Zachariah</span> <i>following</i>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> What tumult's this?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> A lady! Ma'am, your most obedient humble +servant. [<i>Bows.</i>] A quaker too! They are generally +kind and humane, and that face is the prologue +to a play of a thousand good acts—may be +she'd help us here. [<i>Aside.</i>] Ma'am, you must know +that—that I—no—this gentleman—I mean this gentleman +and I—He got a little behind hand, as every +honest, well principled man often may, from—bad +harvests and rains—lodging corn—and his cattle—from +murrain, and—rot the murrain! you know this +is the way all this affair happened, [<i>To Banks.</i>] and +then up steps this gentleman, [<i>To Twitch.</i>] with a—a +tip in his way—madam, you understand? And +then in steps I—with my a—In short, madam, I am +the worst story teller in the world, where myself is +the hero of the tale.</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Mr. Banks has been arrested for thirty +pounds, and this gentleman has paid twenty guineas +of the debt.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> My litigious neighbour to expose me +thus!</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> The young man and maiden within, +have spoken well of thy sister, and pictured thee +as a man of irreproachable morals, though unfortunate.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Madam, he's the honestest fellow—I've +known him above forty years, he has the best hand at +stirring a fire—If you was only to taste his currant +wine.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Madam, I never aspired to an enviable +rank in life: but hitherto pride and prudence kept +me above the reach of pity: but obligations from a +stranger—</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> He really a stranger, and attempt to +free thee? But, friend, [<i>To Rover.</i>] thou hast assumed +a right which here belongeth alone to me. As +I enjoy the blessings which these lands produce, I own +also the heart delighting privilege of dispensing those +blessings to the wretched. Thou mad'st thyself my +worldly banker, and no cash of mine in thine hands, +[<i>Takes a note from a pocket book.</i>] but thus I balance +our account. [<i>Offers it.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Madam, my master pays me, nor can I +take money from another hand, without injuring his +honour, and disobeying his commands."</p> +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="poem"> +<tr><td align="left">"Run, run, Orlando, carve on every tree,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"> The fair, the chaste, the unexpressive she."</td></tr> +</table> +</div> +<p class="right">[<i>Runs off.</i></p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> But, sir, I insist you'll return him his money. +[<i>To Twitch.</i>] Stop! [<i>Going.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> Aye, stop! [<i>Holds the skirt of his coat.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Where dwelleth he?</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> I fancy, where he can, madam. I understand, +from his discourse, that he was on his way to +join a company of actors in the next town.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> A profane stage-player with such a +gentle, generous heart! Yet so whimsically wild, +like the unconscious rose, modestly shrinking from the +recollection of its own grace and sweetness.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>, <i>from the house, more dressed</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Now, my lady, I'm fit to attend your ladyship. +I look so genteelish, mayhap her ladyship may +take me home with her.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> This maiden may find out for me +whither he goeth. [<i>Aside.</i>] Call on my steward, +and thy legal demands shall be satisfied. [<i>To +Twitch.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Here, coachman, drive up my lady's chariot, +nearer to our door. [<i>Calls off.</i>] Charott! If she'd +take me with her, la! how all the folks will stare. +[<i>Aside.</i>] Madam, though the roads are so very +dusty, I'll walk all the way on foot to your ladyship's +house—ay, though I should spoil my bran new +petticoat.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Rather than sully thy garment, thou +shalt be seated by me. Friend, be cheerful; thine +and thy sister's sorrows shall be but an April +shower.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Oh, your ladyship!—Ecod, if I didn't think +so—[<i>Aside.</i>]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p class="noindent">Here, you Sim, order the charott for us.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Us! Come, come, Jane, I've the little tilt cart +to carry you.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Cart! <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt severally.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> + +<h5>SCENE II.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>Before an Inn.</i><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Waiter</span>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Hillo! friend, when does the coach set out +for London?</p> + +<p><i>Waiter.</i> In about an hour, sir.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Has the Winchester coach passed?</p> + +<p><i>Waiter.</i> No, sir. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> That's lucky! Then my trunk is here +still. Go I will not. Since I've lost the fellowship +of my friend Dick, I'll travel no more, I'll try a +London audience, who knows but I may get an engagement. +This celestial lady quaker! She must +be rich, and ridiculous for such a poor dog as I am, +even to think of her. How Dick would laugh at me +if he knew—I dare say by this she has released my +kind host from the gripe—I should like to be certain, +though.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Land.</i> You'll dine here, sir? I'm honest Bob +Johnstone; kept the Sun these twenty years. Excellent +dinner on table at two.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Yet my love indeed is appetite; I'm as +hungry as the sea, and can digest as much."</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Then you won't do for my shilling ordinary, +sir; there's a very good ordinary at the Saracen's +head, at the end of the town. Shou'dn't have thought +indeed, hungry foot travellers to eat like<span class="nowrap">——</span>coming, +sir. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I'll not join this company at Winchester. +I will take a touch at a London theatre. The public +there are candid and generous, and before my merit +can have time to create enemies, I'll save money, +and,—"a fig for the Sultan and Sophy."</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>, <i>at the back, and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim</span>, <i>watching her</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Ay, that's he!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> But if I fail, by Heaven I'll overwhelm the +manager, his empire, and—"himself in one prodigious +ruin."</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Ruin! Oh Lord! [<i>Runs back.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> What can you expect, when you follow young +men? I've dodg'd you all the way.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Well! wasn't I sent?</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Oh yes, you were sent—very likely. Who +sent you?</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> It was—I won't tell it's my lady, 'cause she +bid me not. [<i>Aside.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> I'll keep you from sheame—a fine life I +should have in the parish, rare fleering, if a sister of +moine should stand some Sunday at church in a +white sheet, and to all their flouts what could I +say?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Thus, "I say my sister's wrong'd, my sister +<i>Blowsabella</i>, born as high and noble as the <i>attorney</i>—do +her justice, or by the gods I'll lay a scene of +blood, shall make this <i>haymow</i> horrible to Beebles."—"Say +that, Chamont."</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> I believe it's full moon. You go hoame to +your place, and moind your business.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> My lady will be so pleas'd I found him! +I don't wonder at it, he's such a fine spoken man.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Dang it! Will you stand here grinning at +the wild bucks.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Perhaps the gentleman might wish to send +her ladyship a compliment. An't please you, sir, +if it's even a kiss between us two, it shall go safe; for, +though you should give it me, brother Sim then can +take it to my lady.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "I kiss'd thee e'er I kill'd thee."</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Kill me!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "No way but this, killing myself to die +upon a kiss!" [<i>Advancing.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Go! [<i>To Jane—puts her out.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Ay; to a nunnery go to." I'm cursedly +out of spirits; but hang sorrow, I may as well divert +myself.—"'Tis meat and drink for me to see a clown."—"Shepherd, +was't ever at Court?"</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Not I.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Then thou art damn'd."</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Eh!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Ay, "thou art damn'd like an ill roasted +egg—all on one side."—Little Hospitality.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Looking out.</i></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Farmer Gammon</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Eh, where's the showman, that wants to +hire my barn? So, Madam Jane, I place her out +to sarvice, and instead of attending her mistress, +she gets gallopping all about the village.—How's +this, son?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Your son? Young Clodpate, take him +to your wheat stack, and there teach him manners."</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Ah, thou'rt the fellow that would bolt +out of the dirty roads into people's houses. Ho, ho, +ho! Sim's schooling is mightily thrown away if he +hasn't more manners than thou.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Why, feyther, it is! Gadzooks, he be one of +the play! Acted Tom Fool, in King Larry, at Lymington, +t'other night—I thought I know'd the face, +thof he had a straw cap, and a blanket about'n—Ho, +ho! how comical that was when you said—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Pillicock sat upon Pillicock hill, pil—i—loo, +loo!"</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> That's it! He's at it! [<i>Claps.</i>] Laugh, +feyther.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Hold your tongue, boy! I believe he's +no better than he should be. The moment I saw him, +says I to myself, <i>you are a rogue</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> There you spoke truth for once in your +life.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> I'm glad to hear you confess it. But +her ladyship shall have the vagrants whipp'd out of +the country.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Vagrant! "Thou wretch! despite o'erwhelm +thee!" "Only squint, and, by Heaven, I'll +beat thy blown body till it rebounds like a tennis +ball."</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Beat my feyther! No, no. Thou must first +beat me. [<i>Puts himself in a posture of defence.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>Aside, with great feeling.</i>] "Though love +cool, friendship fall off, brothers divide, subjects rebel, +oh! never let the sacred bond be crack'd 'twixt son +and father!"—I never knew a father's protection, never +had a father to protect. [<i>Puts his handkerchief to +his eyes.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Ecod! he's not acting now!</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span>, <i>with a book, pen, and ink</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Landlord, is this Mr. Lamp here?</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> I've just opened a bottle for him and t'other +in the parlour.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Go, father, with thy son; give him a +livery more guarded than his fellows."</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Livery! Why, I be no sarvant man, though +sister Jane is. Gi's thy hand. [<i>To Rover.</i>] I don't +know how 'tis; but I think I could lose my life for +him; but mustn't let feyther be lickt though—No, +no! [<i>Going, turns and looks at Rover.</i>] Ecod, I +ne'er shall forget Pillicock!</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="smallcaps">Farmer Gammon</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Thou art an honest reptile, I'll make my +entrée on the London boards in Bayes, yes, I shall +have no comparison against me. "Egad, it's very +hard that a gentleman and an author can't come +to teach them, but he must break his nose, and—and—all +that—but—so the players are gone to dinner."</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> No such people frequent the Sun, I assure you.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Sun, moon, and stars!"—Now mind the +eclipse, Mr. Johnson.</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> I heard nothing of it, sir.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "There's the sun between the earth and +moon—there's the moon between the earth and the +sun, tol, lol, lol! dance the hay! Luna means to show +her tail."</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Waiter</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Waiter.</i> Two gentlemen in the parlour would speak +with you.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "I attend them, were they twenty times our +mother."</p> + +<p><i>Waiter.</i> Your mother, sir! why it is two gentlemen.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Say I attend them with all respect and +duty. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit Waiter.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Sir, you go in the stage; as we book the +passengers, what name?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "I am the bold Thunder." <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> [<i>Writing.</i>] Mr. Thunder.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> I want two places in the stage coach, because +I and another gentleman are going a voyage.</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Just two vacant; what name?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Avast! I go aloft. But let's see who'll be +my master's messmates in the cabin: [<i>Reads.</i>] Captain +Muccolah, Counsellor Fazacherly, Miss Gosling, +Mr. Thunder. What's this? speak, man! is +there one of that name going?</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Booked him this minute.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> If our voyage should now be at an end before +we begin it?—If this Mr. Thunder should be my +master's son!—What rate is this vessel?</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Rate!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> What sort of a gentleman is he?</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Oh; a rum sort of a gentleman; I suspect +he's one of the players.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> True; Sam said it was some player's people +coaxed him away from Portsmouth school. It must +be the 'squire—show me where he's moored, my old +purser.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exit, singing, and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span> <i>following</i>.</p> +<p> </p> + +<h5>SCENE III.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Room in the Inn.</i><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smallcaps">Lamp</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Trap</span> [<i>discovered drinking.</i>] +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Trap.</i> This same Farmer Gammon seems a surly +spark.</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> No matter. His barn will hold a good +thirty pounds, and if I can but engage this young +fellow, this Rover, he'll cram it every night he plays. +He's certainly a devilish good actor. Now, Trap, +you must enquire out a carpenter, and be brisk about +the building. I think we shall have smart business, +as we stand so well for pretty women, too. Oh, here +he is!</p> + +<p><i>Trap.</i> Snap him at any terms.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Gentlemen, your most obedient—The waiter +told me—</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Sir, to our better acquaintance. [<i>Fills.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I don't recollect I have the honour of +knowing—</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Mr. Rover, though I am a stranger to you, +your merit is none to me.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Sir. [<i>Bows.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Yes, sir, my name is Lamp: I am manager +of the company of comedians that's come down here, +and Mr. Trap is my treasurer, engages performers, +sticks bills, finds properties, keeps box-books, prompts +play, and takes the town.</p> + +<p><i>Trap.</i> The most reputable company, and charming +money getting circuit. [<i>Apart to Rover.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Hav'n't a doubt, sir.</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Only suffer me to put up your name to +play with us six nights, and twelve guineas are yours.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Sir, I thank you, and must confess your +offer is liberal; but my friends have flattered me into +a sort of opinion that encourages me to take a touch +at the capital.</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Ah, my dear Mr. Rover, a London theatre +is dangerous ground.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Why, I may fail, and gods may groan, and +ladies drawl, "La, what an awkward creature!" But +should I top my part, then shall gods applaud, and +ladies sigh, "The charming fellow!" and treasurers +smile upon me, as they count the shining guineas!</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> But, suppose—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Ay, suppose the contrary, I have a certain +friend here, in my coat pocket [<i>Puts his hand in his +pocket.</i>] Eh! zounds! where is—oh, the devil! I gave +it to discharge my kind host—going for London, and +not master of five shillings! [<i>Aside.</i>] "Sir, to return +to the twenty pounds."</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Twenty pounds. Well, let it be so.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Sir, I engage with you, call a rehearsal +when and where you please, I'll attend.</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Sir, I'll step for the cast book, and you +shall chuse your characters.</p> + +<p><i>Trap.</i> And, sir, I'll write out the play-bills directly.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lamp</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Trap</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Since I must remain here some time, and +I've not the most distant hope of ever speaking to this +goddess again, I wish I had inquired her name, that I +might know how to keep out of her way.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span>. + </p> + </div> + +<p><i>Landl.</i> There's the gentleman.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Very well.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span>.</p> +<p class="noindent">What cheer, ho, master squire?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Cheer, ho! my hearty!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> The very face of his father! And an't you +asham'd of yourself?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Why, yes, I am sometimes.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Do you know, if I had you at the gangways, +I'd give you a neater dozen than ever you got from +your schoolmaster's cat-a-nine tails.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You woudn't sure?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> I would sure.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Indeed?—Pleasant enough! who is this genius?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> I've dispatch'd a shallop to tell Lady Amaranth +you're here.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You havn't?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> I have.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Now, who the devil's Lady Amaranth?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> I expect her chariot every moment, and +when it comes, you'll get into it, and I'll get into it, +and I'll set you down genteely at her house; then +I'll have obeyed my orders, and I hope your father +will be satisfied.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> My father! who's he pray?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Pshaw! leave off your fun, and prepare to +ask his pardon.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Ha, ha, ha! Why, my worthy friend, you +are totally wrong in this affair. Upon my word I'm +not the person you take me for. [<i>Going.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> You don't go, though they've got your name +down in the stage coach book, Mr. Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Mr. Thunder! stage coach book! [<i>Pauses.</i>] +ha, ha, ha! This must be some curious blunder.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Oh! my lad, your father, Sir George, will +change your note.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> He must give me one first. Sir George! +then my father is a knight, it seems; ha, ha, ha! very +good, faith! 'pon my honour, I am not the gentleman +that you think me.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> I ought not to think you any gentleman for +giving your honour in a falsehood. Oh! them play +actors you went amongst have quite spoiled you. I +wish only one of 'em would come in my way. I'd +teach 'em to bring a gentleman's son tramboozing +about the country.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Waiter</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Waiter.</i> Her ladyship's chariot's at the door, and I +fancy it's you, sir, the coachman wants.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Yes, it's me. I attend your honour.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Then you insist on it that I am—</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> I insist on nothing, only you shall come.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Indeed! Shall! Shall is a word don't sound +over agreeable to my ears.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Does a pretty girl sound well to your ear?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "More music in the clink of her horses' +hoofs than twenty hautboys." Why, is this Lady +Thing-o-me pretty?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Beautiful as a mermaid, and stately as a ship +under sail.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Egad! I've a mind to humour the frolic—Well, +well, I'll see your mermaid. But then on the +instant of my appearance the mistake must be discovered. +[<i>Aside.</i>] Harkye, is this father of mine you talk +of at this lady's?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> No: your father's in chase of the deserters. +I find he's afraid to face the old one, so, if I tell him, +he won't go with me. [<i>Aside.</i>] No, no, we shan't see +him in a hurry.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Then I'll venture. Has the lady ever seen +me?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Psha! none of your jokes, man; you know, +that her ladyship, no more than myself, has set eyes +upon you since you was the bigness of a rumbo +canakin.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> The choice is made. I have my Ranger's +dress in my trunk: "Cousin of Buckingham, thou +sage grave man!"</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> What?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Since you will buckle fortune on my +back, to bear her burden, whether I will or no, I must +have patience to endure the load; but if black scandal, +or foul faced"<span class="nowrap">——</span></p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Black! my foul face was as fair as yours +before I went to sea.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Your mere enforcement shall acquittance +me."</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Man, don't stand preaching parson Sacks—come +to the chariot.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Ay, to the chariot! "Bear me, Bucephalus, +among the billows,—hey! for the Tygris!" <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3>ACT THE THIRD.</h3> + +<h5>SCENE I.</h5> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth's</span> <i>House</i>.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Though thou hast settled that distressed +gentleman's debt, let his sister come unto me; and +remit a quarter's rent unto all my tenants.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> As thou bid'st I have discharged from the +pound the widow's cattle; but shall I let the lawsuit +drop against the farmer's son who did shoot the pheasant?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Yea; but instantly turn from my service +the gamekeeper's man that did kill the fawn, +while it was eating from his hand. We should hate +guile, though we may love venison.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I love a young doe.—[<i>Aside.</i>] Since the death +of friend Dovehouse, who, (though one of the faithful) +was an active magistrate, this part of the country is +infested with covetous men, called robbers, and I have, +in thy name, said unto the people, whoever apprehendeth +one of these, I will reward him, yea with +thirty pieces of gold. [<i>A loud knocking without.</i>] That +beating of one brass against another at thy door, proclaimeth +the approach of vanity, whose pride of heart +swelleth at an empty sound. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> But my heart is possessed with the idea +of that wandering youth, whose benevolence induced +him to part with, perhaps, his all, to free the unhappy +debtor. His person is amiable, his address (according +to worldly modes) formed to please, to delight. +But he's poor; is that a crime? Perhaps meanly born: +but one good action is an illustrious pedigree. I feel +I love him, and in that word are birth, fame, and +riches.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Madam, my lady, an't please you—</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Didst thou find the young man, that I +may return him the money he paid for my tenant?</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> I found him, ma'am, and—I found him, and +he talked of—what he said.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> What did he say?</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> He saw me, ma'am—and call'd me Blowsabella, +and said he would—I'll be hang'd, ma'am, if he +didn't say he would—Now, think of that;—but if he +hadn't gone to London in the stage coach—</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Is he gone? [<i>With emotion.</i>]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> Oh, my lady, mayhap John Dory is not the +man to be sent after young gentlemen that scamper +from school, and run about the country play acting! +Pray walk up stairs, Master Thunder: [<i>Calls off.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Hast thou brought my kinsman hither?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Well, I havn't then.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> If you havn't, what do you make a talk +about it?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Well, don't give me your palaver, young Miss +Slip Slop.—Will you only walk up, if you please, +Master Harry?</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Will you walk up, if you please, Master +Harry?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Friendship requireth, yet I am not disposed +to commune with company.—<span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Oh, bless me, ma'am! if it isn't—</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>, <i>dressed</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "'Tis I, Hamlet the Dane!"—"Thus far +into the bowels of the land, have we marched on."—"John, +that bloody and devouring boar!"</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> He called me bull in the coach.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> I don't know what brought such a bull in +the coach.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> This the Lady Amaranth! By Heavens, the +very angel quaker!</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> [<i>Turns.</i>] The dear, generous youth, my +cousin Harry!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> There he's for you, my lady, and make the +most of him.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Oh, how happy my lady is! he looks so +charming now he's fine.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Harkye! she's as rich as a Spanish Indiaman; +and I tell you, your father wishes you'd grapple her +by the heart—court her, you mad devil. [<i>Apart to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.] There's an engagement to be between these +two vessels: but little Cupid's the only man that's to +take minutes, so come. [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Ma'am, an't I to wait on you?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> No, my lass, you're to wait on me.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Wait on this great sea-bull! lack-a-daisy! +am I—am—</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> By this, Sir George is come to the inn. Without +letting the younker know, I'll go bring him here, +and smuggle both father and son into a joyful meeting. +[<i>Aside.</i>]—[<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>.] Come now, usher me down +like a lady.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> This way, Mr. Sailor Gentleman.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="smallcaps">John</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> By Heavens, a most delectable woman! <span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Cousin, when I saw thee in the village +free the sheep from the wolf, why didst not tell me +then thou wert son to my uncle, Sir George?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Because, my lady, then I—did'nt know it +myself—<span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Why wouldst vex thy father, and quit +thy school.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "A truant disposition, good my lady, +brought me from Wirtemberg."</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Thy father designs thee for his dangerous +profession; but is thy inclination turned to the voice +of trumpets, and smites of mighty slaughter?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Why, ma'am, as for old Boreas, my dad, +when the blast of war blows in his ears, he's a tyger +in his fierce resentment."—But for me, "I think it a +pity, so it is, that villainous saltpetre should be digg'd +out of the bowels of the harmless earth, which many +a good tall fellow has destroyed, with wounds and +guns, and drums, Heav'n save the mark!"</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Indeed thou art tall, my cousin, and +grown of comely stature. Our families have long +been separated.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> They have—Since Adam, I believe—[<i>Aside.</i>] +"Then, lady, let that sweet bud of love now ripen to +a beauteous flower?"</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Love!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Excellent wench! perdition catch my +soul, but I do love thee, and when I love thee not, +chaos is come again."</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Thou art of an happy disposition.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "If I were now to die, 'twere now to be +most happy." "Let our senses dance in concert to the +joyful minutes, and this, and this, the only discord +make." <span class="ex">[<i>Embracing.</i></span></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>, <i>with cake and wine</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Ma'am, an't please you, Mr. Zachariah bid +me<span class="nowrap">——</span></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Why, you fancy yourself Cardinal Wolsey +in this family."</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> No, sir, I'm not Cardinal Wolsey, I'm only +my lady's maid here—Jenny Gammon, at your service.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "A bowl of cream for your Catholic majesty."</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Cream! No, sir, it's wine and water.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "You get no water, take the wine, great +potentate."—[<i>Gives Lady</i> <span class="smallcaps">Amaranth</span> <i>a glass, then +drinks</i>.]</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Madam, my father begs leave—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Go, go, thou shallow Pomona."—[<i>Puts +her out.</i>] Eh! Zounds, here's my manager.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Farmer Gammon</span> <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lamp</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> I hope her ladyship hasn't found out 'twas +I had Banks arrested. [<i>Aside.</i>]—Would your ladyship +give leave for this here honest man and his comrades +to act a few plays in the town, 'cause I've let'n my +barn. 'Twill be some little help to me, my lady.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> My lady, I understand these affairs. Leave +me to settle 'em.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> True; these are delusions, as a woman, +I understand not. But by my cousin's advice I will +abide; ask his permission.</p> + +<p><i>Gam.</i> So; I must pay my respects to the young +squire. [<i>Aside.</i>] An't please your honour, if a poor +man like me [<i>Bows.</i>] durst offer my humble duty.—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Canst thou bow to a vagrant. Eh, Little +Hospitality?</p> + +<p class="right">[<span class="smallcaps">Farmer Gammon</span> <i>looks in his face, and sneaks off</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Please your honour, if I may presume to +hope you'll be graciously pleased to take our little +squad under your honour's protection—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Ha!</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> What say'st thou, Henry?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Ay, where's Henry? Gadso! True, that's +me. Strange I should already forget my name, and +not half an hour since I was christened! [<i>Aside.</i>] +Harkye! do you play yourself? Eh! Ha! Hem! [<i>Vapouring.</i>] +fellow?</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Yes, sir; and sir, I have just now engaged a +new actor, Mr. Rover. Such an actor!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh! What! you've engaged that—what's +his name, Rover? If such is your best actor, you +shan't have my permission. My dear madam, the +worst fellow in the world. Get along out of +town, or I'll have all of you, man, woman, child, +stick, rag, and fiddlestick, clapt into the whirligig.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Good man, abide not here.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh! What, my friend? Now, indeed, if this +new actor you brag of, this crack of your company, +was any thing like a gentleman—</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> [<i>Stares.</i>] It isn't!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> It is. My good friend, if I was really the +unfortunate poor strolling dog you thought me, I +should tread your four boards, and crow the cock of +your barn-door fowl; but as fate has ordained that +I'm a gentleman, and son to Sir,—Sir,—what the devil's +my father's name? [<i>Aside.</i>] you must be content to +murder Shakspeare without making me an accomplice.</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> But, my most gentle sir, I, and my treasurer, +Trap, have trumpeted your fame ten miles round the +country:—the bills are posted, the stage built, the +candles booked, fiddles engaged; all on the tip-top of +expectation. We should have to-morrow night an +overflow, ay, thirty pounds. Dear, worthy sir, you +wou'dn't go to ruin a whole community and their families +that now depend only on the exertion of your +brilliant talents.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh! I never was uniform but in one maxim, +that is, though I do little good, to hurt nobody but +myself.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Since thou hast promised, much as I +prize my adherence to those customs in which I was +brought up, thou shalt not sully thy honour by a +breach of thy word. Play, if it can bring good to +these people.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Shall I?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> This falleth out well; for I have bidden +all the gentry round unto my house warming, and +these pleasantries may afford them a cheerful and innocent +entertainment.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> True, my lady; your guests ar'n't quakers +though you are, and when we ask people to our +house, we study to please them, not ourselves. But +if we do furbish a play or two, the muses sha'n't honour +that churlish fellow's barn. No; the god, that +illumines the soul of genius, should never visit the +iron door of inhumanity. No Gammon's barn for +me!—</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Barn! no; that gallery shall be thy +theatre; and, in spite of the grave doctrines of +Ephraim Smooth, my friends and I will behold and +rejoice in thy pranks, my pleasant cousin.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> My kind, my charming lady! Hey, +brighten up, bully Lamp, carpenters, tailor, manager, +distribute your box tickets for my lady's gallery.—"Come, +gentle coz,"</p> + +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="poem"> +<tr><td align="left">"The actors are at hand, and by their show</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"> You shall know all</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left"> That you are like to know."</td></tr> +</table> +</div> +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt.</i></p> +<p> </p> +<h5>SCENE II.</h5> +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>The Inn.</i><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Harry</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Midge</span>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Though I went back to Portsmouth academy +with a contrite heart, to continue my studies, +yet, from my father's angry letter, I dread a woeful +storm at our first meeting. I fancy the people at +this inn don't recollect me; it reminds me of my +pleasant friend, poor Jack Rover, I wonder where he +is now.</p> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> And brings to my memory a certain stray +vaguing acquaintance of mine, poor Dick Buskin.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Ha, ha, ha! Then I desire, sir, you'll turn +Dick Buskin again out of your memory.</p> + +<p><i>Midge.</i> Can't, sir. The dear, good-natur'd, wicked +son of a<span class="nowrap">——</span>beg your honour's pardon.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Oh, but Midge, you must, as soon as I'm +dressed, step out and enquire whose house is this my +father's at; I did not think he had any acquaintance +in this part of the country. Sound what humour he's +in, and how the land lies, before I venture in his presence. <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt.</i></span></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George Thunder</span>, <i>agitated, and</i><br /> +<span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> I can hear nothing of these deserters; yet, +by my first intelligence, they'll not venture up to +London. They must still be lurking about the +country. Landlord, have any suspicious persons ever +put in at your house?</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Yes, sir; now and then.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Zounds! what do you do with them?</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Why, sir, when a man calls for liquor +that I think has no money, I make him pay beforehand.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Damn your liquor, you self-interested +porpoise! Chatter your own private concerns, when +the public good, or fear of general calamity, should +be the only compass! These fellows, that I'm in pursuit +of, have run from their ships; if our navy's unmann'd, +what becomes of you and your house, you +dunghill cormorant?</p> + +<p><i>Land.</i> This is a very abusive sort of a gentleman; +but he has a full pocket, or he wouldn't be so saucy. +[<i>Aside.</i>] <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> This rascal, I believe, doesn't know I'm +Sir George Thunder. Winds, still variable, blow my +affairs right athwart each other.—To know what's +become of my runagate son Harry,—and there my rich +lady niece, pressing and squeezing up the noble +plumage of our illustrious family in her little mean +quaker bonnet. But I must up to town after—'Sblood, +when I catch my son Harry!—Oh, here's John +Dory.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p class="noindent">Have you taken the places in the London coach for +me?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Hahoy! your honour, is that yourself?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> No, I'm beside myself—heard any thing +of my son?—</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> What's o'clock?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What do you talk of clocks or timepieces—All +glasses, reck'ning, and log-line, are run +mad with me.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> If it's two, your son is at this moment walking +with Lady Amaranth in her garden.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> With Lady Amaranth!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> If half after, they're cast anchor to rest +themselves amongst the posies; if three, they're +got up again; if four, they're picking a bit of +cramm'd fowl; and, if half after, they're picking +their teeth, and cracking walnuts over a bottle of +Calcavella.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> My son! my dear friend, where did you +find him?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Why, I found him where he was, and I left +him where he is.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What, and he came to Lady Amaranth's?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> No; but I brought him there from this +house, in her ladyship's chariot. I won't tell him +Master Harry went amongst the players, or he'd +never forgive him. [<i>Aside.</i>] Oh! such a merry, +civil, crazy, crack-brain! the very picture of your +honour.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Ha, ha, ha! What, he's in high spirits? +ha, ha, ha! the dog! [<i>Joyfully.</i>] But I hope he's +had discretion enough to throw a little gravity over +his mad humour, before his prudent cousin.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> He threw himself on his knees before her, +and that did quite as well.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Ha, ha, ha! made love to her already! +Oh, the impudent, the cunning villain! What, and +may be he—[<i>With great glee.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Indeed he did give her a smack.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Me; ha, ha, ha!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Oh, he's yours! a chip of the old block.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> He is! he is! ha, ha, ha!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Oh, he threw his arms around her as eager +as I would to catch a falling decanter of Madeira.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Huzza! victoria! Here will be a junction +of bouncing estates! but, confound the money. +John, you shall have a bowl for a jolly boat to swim +in; roll in here a puncheon of rum, a hogshead of +sugar, shake an orchard of oranges, and let the Landlord +drain his fish-pond yonder. [<i>Sings.</i>] "A bumper! +a bumper of good liquor," &c.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Then, my good master, Sir George, I'll +order a bowl in, since you are in the humour for it—"We'll +dance a little, and sing a little." [<i>Singing.</i>] <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> And so the wild rogue is this instant +rattling up her prim ladyship. Eh, isn't this he? +Left her already!</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Harry</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> I must have forgot my cane in this room—My +father! Eh! zounds!</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> [<i>Looks at his watch.</i>] Just half after four! +Why, Harry, you've made great haste in cracking +your walnuts.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes; he's heard of my frolics with the +players. [<i>Aside.</i>] Dear father, if you'll but forgive—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, indeed, Harry, you've acted very +bad.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Sir, it should be considered I was but a +novice.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> However, I shall think of nothing now +but your benefit.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Very odd, his approving of—[<i>Aside.</i>] I +thank you, sir, but, if agreeable to you, I've done with +benefits.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> If I wasn't the best of fathers, you might +indeed hope none from me; but no matter, if you can +but get the <i>fair quaker</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> <i>Or the humours of the navy</i>, sir?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What, how dare you reflect on the humours +of the navy? The navy has very good humours, +or I'd never see your dog's face again, you +villain! But I'm cool. What, eh, boy, a snug, easy +chariot?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> I'll order it. Waiter, desire my father's +carriage to draw up. <span class="ex">[<i>Calls.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Mine, you rogue! I've none here. I +mean Lady Amaranth's.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes, sir; Lady Amaranth's chariot! [<i>Calling.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What are you at? I mean that which +you left this house in.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Chariot! sir, I left this house on foot.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What, with John Dory?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> No, sir, with Jack Rover.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, John has been a rover to be sure; +but now he's settled, since I've made him my valet de +chambre.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Make him your valet! Why, sir, where +did you meet him?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Zounds! I met him on board, and I met +him on shore, and the cabin, steerage, gallery, and +forecastle. He sailed round the world with me.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Strange this, sir! certainly I understood +he had been in the East Indies; but he never told me +he even knew you; but, indeed, he knew me only by +the name of Dick Buskin.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Then how came he to bring you to Lady +Amaranth's?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Bring me where?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Answer me. Ar'n't you now come from +her ladyship's.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> [<i>Stares.</i>] Me? Not I.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Ha! this is a lie of John's, to enhance +his own services. Then you have not been +there?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> There! I don't know where you mean, +sir.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Yes; 'tis all a brag of John's, but +I'll—</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> The rum and sugar is ready; but as for the +fish-pond—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> I'll kick you into it, you thirsty old +grampus.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Will you? Then I'll make a comical roasted +orange.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> How dare you say you brought my son +to Lady Amaranth's?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> And who says I did not?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> He that best should know; only Dick +Buskin here.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Then Dick Buskin might find some other +amusement than shooting off his guns here.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Did you bring my son to Lady Amaranth's +in her chariot?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> And to be sure I did.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> There, what do you say to that?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> I say it's false.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> False! Shiver my hulk, Mr. Buskin, if you +wore a lion's skin, I'd curry you for this.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exit, in a rage.</i></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> No, no, John's honest; I see through it +now. The puppy has seen her, perhaps he has the +impudence not to like her, and so blows up this confusion +and perplexity only to break off a marriage +that I've set my heart on.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> What does he mean? Sir, I'll assure +you—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Damn your assurance, you disobedient, +ungrateful—I'll not part with you till I confront you +with Lady Amaranth herself, face to face, and if I +prove you've been deceiving me, I'll launch you into +the wide ocean of life without rudder, compass, grog, +or tobacco. <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3>ACT THE FOURTH.</h3> + +<h5>SCENE I.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth's</span> <i>House</i>.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>, <i>reading</i>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> The fanciful flights of my pleasant +cousin enchant my senses. This book he gave me to +read containeth good moral. The man Shakspeare, +that did write it, they call immortal; he must indeed +have been filled with a divine spirit. I understand, +from my cousin, the origin of plays were religious +mysteries; that, freed from the superstition of early, +and the grossness of latter, ages, the stage is now the +vehicle of delight and morality. If so, to hear a good +play, is taking the wholesome draught of precept +from a golden cup, embossed with gems; yet, my +giving countenance to have one in my house, and +even to act in it myself, prove the ascendancy, that +my dear Harry hath over my heart—Ephraim Smooth +is much scandalized at these doings.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> This mansion is now the tabernacle of Baal.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Then abide not in it.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> 'Tis full of the wicked ones.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Stay not amongst the wicked ones.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Loud laughing without.</i></p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I must shut mine ears.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> And thy mouth also, good Ephraim. +I have bidden my cousin Henry to my house, and I +will not set bounds to his mirth to gratify thy spleen, +and show mine own inhospitality.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Why dost thou suffer him to put into the +hands of thy servants books of tragedies, and books +of comedies, prelude, interlude, yea, all lewd. My +spirit doth wax wrath. I say unto thee a playhouse +is the school for the old dragon, and a playbook the +primer of Belzebub.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> This is one; mark! [<i>Reads.</i>] "Not the +king's crown, nor the deputed sword, the marshal's +truncheon, nor the judge's robe, become them with +one half so good a grace as mercy doth. Oh, think +on that, and mercy then will breathe within your lips +like man new made!"—Doth Belzebub speak such +words?</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Thy kinsman has made all the servants +actors.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> To act well is good service.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Here cometh the damsel for whom my heart +yearneth.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>, <i>reading a paper joyfully</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Oh, ma'am, his honour the 'squire says the +play's to be "As you like it."</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I like it not.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> He's given me my character. I'm to be +Miss Audrey, and brother Sim's to be William of +the forest, as it were. But how am I to get my part +by heart?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> By often reading it.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Well, I don't know but that's as good as any +other. But I must study my part. "The gods give +us joy." <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Thy maidens skip like young kids.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Then do thou go skip with them.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Mary, thou shou'd'st be obey'd in thine own +house, and I will do thy bidding.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Ah, thou hypocrite! To obey is easy +when the heart commands.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>, <i>pushing by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Oh, my charming cousin, how agree you +and Rosalind? Are you almost perfect? "Eh, +what, all a-mort, old Clytus?" "Why, you're like +an angry fiend broke in among the laughing gods."—Come, +come, I'll have nothing here, but "Quips and +cranks, and wreathed smiles, such as dwell on Hebe's +cheek."</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Looking at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> He says we mustn't have this amusement.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "But I'm a voice potential, double as the +Duke's, and I say we must."</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Nay.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Yea: "By Jupiter, I swear, aye." <span class="ex">[<i>Music without.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I must shut my ears. The man of sin rubbeth +the hair of the horse to the bowels of the cat.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lamp</span>, <i>with a Violin</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Now, if agreeable to your ladyship, we'll go +over your song.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I will go over it.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Snatches the book from</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>,<br /> +<i>throws it on the ground, and steps on it</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Trample on Shakspeare! "You sacrilegious +thief, that, from a shelf the precious diadem +stole, and put it in thy pocket!" [<i>Takes up the book +and presents it again to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>.] Silence, +"thou owl of Crete," and hear the "Cuckoo's song."</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> To practise it I'm content.</p> + +<p class="right">[<span class="smallcaps">Lamp</span> <i>begins to play</i>. <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span> <i>jostles</i><br /> +<i>him, and puts him out of tune</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> Why, what's that for, my dear sir?</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Friend, this is a land of freedom, and I've +as much right to move my elbow as thou hast to +move thine. [<span class="smallcaps">Rover</span> <i>pushes him</i>.] Why dost thou +so friend?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Friend, this is a land of freedom, and I +have as much right to move my elbow, as thou +hast to move thine.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Mimicking, shoves</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span> <i>out</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> But, Harry, do your people of fashion +act these follies themselves.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Ay, and scramble for the top parts as eager +as for star, ribband, place, or pension. Lamp, decorate +the seats out smart and theatrical, and drill the +servants that I've given the small parts to—</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lamp</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> I wished for some entertainment, (in +which gay people now take delight,) to please those +I have invited; but we'll convert these follies into a +charitable purpose. Tickets for this day shall be +delivered unto my friends gratis; but money to their +amount, I will, from my own purse (after rewarding +our assistants) distribute amongst the indigent of the +village. Thus, whilst we please ourselves, and perhaps +amuse our friends, we shall make the poor +happy.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exit.</i></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> An angel! If Sir George doesn't soon arrive, +to blow me, I may, I think, marry her angelic +ladyship; but will that be honest? She's nobly born, +though I suspect I had ancestors too, if I knew who +they were. I certainly entered this house the poorest +wight in England, and what must she imagine when +I am discovered? That I am a scoundrel; and, consequently, +though I should possess her hand and fortune, +instead of loving, she'll despise me<span class="nowrap">——</span>[<i>Sits +down.</i>] I want a friend now, to consult—deceive her +I will not. Poor Dick Buskin wants money more +than myself, yet this is a measure I'm sure he'd scorn. +No, no, I must not.—</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Harry</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Now I hope my passionate father will be +convinced that this is the first time I ever was under +this roof. Eh, what beau is here? Astonishing! +My old strolling friend!</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Unperceived, sits by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Heigho! I don't know what to do.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> [<i>In the same tone.</i>] "Nor what to say."</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>Turns</i>] Dick Buskin! My dear fellow! +Ha! ha! ha! Talk of the devil, and—I was just +thinking of you—'Pon my soul, Dick, I'm so happy +to see you!</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Shakes hands cordially.</i></p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> But, Jack, eh, perhaps you found me out?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Found you! I'm sure I wonder how the +deuce you found me out. Ah, the news of my intended +play has brought you.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> He does'nt know as yet who I am; so I'll +carry it on. [<i>Aside.</i>] Then you too have broke your +engagement with Truncheon, at Winchester; figuring +it away in your stage clothes too. Really, tell +us what you are at here, Jack?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Will you be quiet with your Jacking? I'm +now 'Squire Harry.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> What?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I've been pressed into this service by an +old man of war, who found me at the inn, and, insisting +I am son to a Sir George Thunder, here, in +that character, I flatter myself I have won the heart +of the charming lady of this house.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Now the mystery's out. Then it's my friend +Jack has been brought here for me! [<i>Aside.</i>] Do you +know the young gentleman they take you for?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> No: but I flatter myself he is honoured in +his representative.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Upon my soul, Jack, you're a very high +fellow.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I am, now I can put some pounds in your +pockets; you shall be employed—we're getting up +"<i>As you like it.</i>" Let's see, in the cast have I a part +for you?—I'll take Touchstone from Lamp, you shall +have it, my boy; I'd resign Orlando to you with any +other Rosalind; but the lady of the mansion plays it +herself, you rogue.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> The very lady my father intended for me. +[<i>Aside.</i>] Do you love her, Jack?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> To distraction; but I'll not have her.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> No! Why?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> She thinks me a gentleman, and I'll not +convince her I am a rascal. I'll go on with our play, +as the produce is appropriated to a good purpose, +and then lay down my 'squireship, bid adieu to my +heavenly Rosalind, and exit for ever from her house, +poor Jack Rover.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> The generous fellow I ever thought him! +and he sha'n't lose by it. If I could make him believe—[<i>Aside.</i>] +Well, this is the most whimsical affair! +You've anticipated, superseded me, ha! ha! +ha! You'll scarce believe that I'm come here too (purposely +though) to pass myself for this young Henry.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> No!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> I am.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> [<i>Without.</i>] Harry, where are you?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh! who's that?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Ah! ah! ah! I'll try it; my father will +be cursedly vexed; but no other way. <span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Somebody called Harry—Zounds! "if the +real Simon Pure" should be arrived, I'm in a fine way!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Be quiet—that's my confederate.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> He's to personate the father, Sir George. +He started the scheme, having heard that a union was +intended, and Sir George not immediately expected—our +plan is, if I can, before his arrival, flourish +myself into the lady's good graces, and whip her up, +as she's an heiress.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> But who is this comrade?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> One of our company, a devilish good actor +in the old man.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> So you're turned fortune-hunter! Oh, oh! +then 'twas on this plan that you parted with me on +the road, standing like a finger post, "you walk up +that way, and I must walk down this." [<i>Mimicks.</i>] +Why, Dick, I did'nt know you were half so capital +a rogue.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> I did'nt know my forte lay that way, till +persuaded by this experienced stager.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> He must be an impudent old scoundrel; +who is he? Do I not know him?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Why, no—I hope not. <span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I'll step down stairs, and have the honour +of—I'll kick him.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Stop! No, I wou'dn't have him hurt neither.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> What's his name?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> His name is—is—Abrawang.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Abrawang! Abrawang! I never heard of +him; but, Dick, why would you let him persuade you +to such a scandalous affair?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Why faith, I would have been off it; but +when once he takes a project into his head, the devil +himself can't drive him out of it.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Yes; but the constable may drive him into +Winchester gaol.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Eh! your opinion of our intended exploit +has made me ashamed of myself—Ha! ha! ha! +Harkey, Jack, to frighten and punish my adviser, do +you still keep on your character of young 'Squire +Thunder—you can easily do that, as he, no more +than myself, has ever seen the young gentleman.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> But by Heavens I'll—"Quoit him down, +Bardolph."</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes; but, Jack, if you can marry her, her +fortune is a snug thing: besides, if you love each +other—I tell you—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Hang, her fortune! "My love, more noble +than the world, prizes not quantity of dirty lands." +Oh, Dick, she's the most lovely—she is female beauty +in its genuine decoration! <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Ha! ha! ha! this is the drollest—Rover +little suspects that I am the identical Squire Thunder +that he personates—I'll lend him my character +a little longer. Yes, this offers a most excellent opportunity +of making my poor friend's fortune, without +injuring any body; if possible, he shall have her. I +can't regret the loss of charms I never knew; and, +as for an estate, my father's is competent to all my +wishes. Lady Amaranth, by marrying Jack Rover, +will gain a man of honour, which she might miss in +an earl—it may tease my father a little at first, but +he's a good old fellow in the main; and, I think, when +he comes to know my motive—Eh! this must be she—an +elegant woman, faith! Now for a spanking lie, +to continue her in the belief that Jack is the man +she thinks him.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Who art thou, friend?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Madam, I've scarce time to warn you +against the danger you are in, of being imposed upon +by your uncle, Sir George.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> How?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> He has heard of your ladyship's partiality +for his son; but is so incensed at the irregularity of +his conduct, he intends, if possible, to disinherit him; +and, to prevent your honouring him with your hand, +had engaged, and brought me hither, to pass me on +you for him, designing to treat the poor young gentleman +himself as an impostor, in hopes you'll banish +him your heart and house.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Is Sir George such a parent? I thank +thee for thy caution.—What is thy name?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Richard Buskin, ma'am; the stage is my +profession. In the young 'squire's late excursion, we +contracted an intimacy, and I saw so many good qualities +in him, that I could not think of being the instrument +of his ruin, nor deprive your ladyship of +so good a husband, as I am certain he'll make +you.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Then Sir George intends to disown +him?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes, ma'am; I've this moment told the +young gentleman of it; and he's determined, for a +jest, to return the compliment, by seeming to treat Sir +George himself as an impostor.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Ha, ha, ha! 'twill be a just retaliation, +and, indeed, what my uncle deserveth for his cruel intentions +both to his son and me.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> [<i>Without.</i>] What, has he run away again?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> That's mine uncle.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes; here is my father; and my standing +out that I am not his son, will rouse him into the heat +of battle, ha, ha, ha! [<i>Aside.</i>] Here he is, madam, now +mind how he will dub me 'squire.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> It's well I'm prepared, or I might have +believed him.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Well, my lady, wasn't it my wild rogue +set you to all the Calcavella capers you've been cutting +in the garden? You see here I have brought him +into the line of battle again—you villain, why do you +drop astern there? Throw a salute shot, buss her bob-stays, +bring to, and come down straight as a mast, +you dog.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Uncle, who is this?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Who is he! Ha, ha, ha! Gad, that's an +odd question to the fellow that has been cracking +your walnuts.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> He is bad at his lesson.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Certainly, when he ran from school—why +don't you speak, you lubber? you're curst modest +now, but before I came, 'twas all done amongst +the posies—Here, my lady, take from a father's hand, +Harry Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> That is what I may not.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> There, I thought you'd disgust her, you +flat fish!</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> [<i>Taking</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover's</span> <i>hand</i>.] Here, take from +my hand, Harry Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Eh! [<i>Staring at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Eh! Oh! this is your sham Sir George? <span class="ex">[<i>Apart.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes; I've been telling the lady, and she'll +seem to humour him.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I shan't though. [<i>To Harry.</i>] How do you +do, Abrawang?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Abrawang!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You look like a good actor.—Ay, that's +very well, indeed—never lose sight of your character—you +know, Sir George is a noisy, turbulent, wicked +old seaman.—Angry! bravo!—pout your under +lip, purse your brows—very well! But, dem it, Abrawang, +you should have put a little red upon your +nose—mind a rule, ever play an angry old man, with +a red nose.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Nose!</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Walks about in a passion.</i></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Very well! that's right! strut about on your +little pegs.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> I'm in such a fury.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> We know that. Your figure is the most +happy comedy squab I ever saw; why only show yourself, +and you set the audience in a roar.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> 'Sblood and fire!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Keep it up, I like fun."</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Who is this?</p> +<p class="right">[<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>, <i>pointing at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Some puppy unknown.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> And you don't know this gentleman?</p> +<p class="right">[<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>, <i>points to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Excellently well; "He's a fishmonger."</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> A what?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Yes, father and son are determined not +to know each other. You know this youth? [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Harry</span>.] "My friend, Horatio"—"I +wear him in my heart's core, yea, in my heart of +heart, as I do thee." <span class="ex">[<i>Embracing.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Such freedom with my niece before my +face! Do you know that lady, do you know my son, +sir?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Be quiet. "Jaffier has discovered the plot, +and you can't deceive the senate."</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes, my conscience wou'dn't let me carry +it through.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Ay, his conscience hanging about the neck +of his heart, says, good Launcelot, and good Gobbo, +as aforesaid, good Launcelot Gobbo, take to thy heels +and run."</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, my lady! explain, scoundrel, and +puppy unknown.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Uncle, I've heard thy father was kind to +thee, return that kindness to thy child. If the lamb +in wanton play doth fall among the waters, the shepherd +taketh him out, instead of plunging him deeper +till he dieth. Though thy hairs now be grey, I'm +told they were once flaxen; in short, he is too old in +folly, who cannot excuse it in youth. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> I'm an old fool! Well, that's damn'd civil +of you, madam niece, and I'm a grey shepherd—with +her visions and her vines, and her lambs in a +ditch; but as for you, young Mr. Goat, I'll butt +you<span class="nowrap">——</span></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> My dear Abrawang, give up the game—her +ladyship, in seeming to take you for her uncle, has +been only humming you! What the devil, don't +you think the fine creature knows her own true born +uncle?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Certainly; to be sure she knows me.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Will you have done? Zounds, man, my +honoured father was here himself to-day—Her ladyship +knows his person.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Your honoured father! and who's your +honoured self?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Now by my father's son, and that's myself, +it shall be sun, moon, or a Cheshire cheese—before I +budge—still crossed and crossed."</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What do you bawl out to me of a Cheshire +cheese, I say—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "And I say, as the saying is"—your friend +Dick, has told me all; but to convince you of my forgiveness, +in our play, as you're rough and tough, I'll +cast you Charles the Wrestler, I do Orlando; I'll +kick up your heels before the whole court.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, dam'me, I'll—And you, you undutiful +chick of an old pelican—</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Lifting up his cane, to strike</i> <span class="smallcaps">Harry</span>.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John</span>, <i>who receives the blow</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> What are you at here? cudgelling the people +about? But, Mr. Buckskin, I've a word to say to +you in private.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Buckskin! take that. <span class="ex">[<i>Beats him.</i></span></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lamp, Trapp</span>, <i>and two female</i> <span class="smallcaps">Servants</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lamp.</i> "All the world's a stage, and all the men +and women"<span class="nowrap">——</span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> The men are rogues, and the women hussies—I'll +make a clear stage.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Beats them off</i>—<i>amongst the rest, strikes</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "A blow! Essex, a blow"—An old rascally +impostor stigmatizing me with a blow—no, I must +not put up with it.—Zounds! I shall be tweaked by +the nose all round the country—I'll follow him.—"Strike +me! so may this arm dash him to the earth, +like a dead dog despised—blindness and leprosy, lameness +and lunacy, pride, shame, and the name of villain +light on me, if I don't" bang—Mr. Abrawang. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> + +<h5>SCENE II.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>Another Apartment.</i><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Madam, I could have paid the rent of my +little cottage; but I dare say 'twas without your ladyship's +knowledge, that your steward has turned me out, +and put my neighbour in possession.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> My steward oppress the poor! I did not +know it indeed.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> The pangs of adversity I could bear; but +the innocent partner of my misfortunes, my unhappy +sister—</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> I did desire Ephraim to send for thy sister—Did +she dwell with thee, and both now without +a home? Let her come to mine.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> The hand of misery hath struck us beneath +your notice.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Thou dost mistake—To need my assistance +is the highest claim to my attention; let me see +her. [<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>.] I could chide myself that these +pastimes have turned my eye from the house of woe. +Ah! think, ye proud and happy affluent, how many, +in your dancing moments, pine in want, drink the +salt tear; their morsel, the bread of misery, and +shrinking from the cold blast into their cheerless hovels.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>, <i>leading in</i> <span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Banks</i>. Madam, my sister.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Bows and retires.</i></p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Thou art welcome—I feel myself interested +in thy concerns.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Madam!</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> I judge, thou wert not always unhappy.—Tell +me thy condition, then I shall better know +how to serve thee. Is thy brother thy sole kindred?</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> I had a husband, and a son.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> A widow! If it recall not images thou +wouldst forget, impart to me thy story—'Tis rumoured +in the village, thy brother is a clergyman—tell +me.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Madam, he was; but he has lost his early +patron, and is now poor and unbeneficed.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> But thy husband—</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> By this brother's advice, now twenty years +since, I was prevailed on to listen to the addresses of +a young sea officer, (for my brother has been a chaplain +in the navy) but to our surprise and mortification, +we discovered by the honesty of a sailor, in whom he +put confidence, that the captain's design was only to +decoy me into a seeming marriage; he ordered him to +procure a counterfeit clergyman; our humble friend, +instead of us, put the deceit upon his master, by concealing +from him that my brother was in orders; he, +flattered with the hopes of procuring me an establishment, +gave in to the supposed imposture, and performed +the ceremony.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Duplicity, even with a good intent, is +ill.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Madam, the event has justified your censure; +for my husband, not knowing himself really +bound by any legal tie, abandoned me—I followed +him to the Indies, distracted, still seeking him—I +left my infant at one of our settlements; but, after +a fruitless pursuit, on my return, I found the friend, +to whose care I had committed my child, was compelled +to retire from the ravages of war, but where +I could not learn. Rent with agonizing pangs, now +without child or husband, I again saw England, +and my brother; who, wounded with remorse, for +being the cause of my misfortunes, secluded himself +from the joys of social life, and invited me to partake +the comforts of solitude in that humble asylum, from +whence we've both just now been driven.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> My pity can do thee no good, yet I pity +thee; but as resignation to what must be, may restore +peace, if my means can procure thee comfort, they +are at thy pleasure. Come, let thy griefs subside, instead +of thy cottage, accept, thou and thy brother, +every convenience that my mansion can afford.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Madam, I can only thank you with<span class="nowrap">——</span> <span class="ex">[<i>Weeps.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> My thanks are here—Come, thou shalt +be cheerful. I will introduce thee to my sprightly +cousin Harry, and his father, my humourous uncle; +we have delights going forward that may amuse +thee.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Kind lady!</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Come, smile—though a quaker, thou +seest I am merry—the sweetest joy of wealth and +power is to cheer another's drooping heart, and +wipe from the pallid cheek the tear of sorrow. <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3>ACT THE FIFTH.</h3> + +<h5>SCENE I.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Road.</i><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter three</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ruffians</span>, <i>dressed as Sailors</i>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>1st Ruff.</i> Well, now, what's to be done?</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> Why, we've been long upon our shifts, and +after all our tricks, twists, and turns, as London was +then too hot for us, our tramp to Portsmouth was a +hit.</p> + +<p><i>3d Ruff.</i> Ay; but since the cash we touched, upon +pretending to be able bodied seamen, is now come to +the last shilling, as we have deserted, means of a fresh +supply to take us back to London, must be thought +on.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> Ay, how to recruit the pocket without +hazarding the neck.</p> + +<p><i>1st Ruff.</i> By an advertisement posted on the stocks +yonder, there are collectors upon this road; thirty +guineas are offered by the quaker lady, owner of the +estate round here; I wish we could snap any straggler +to bring before her. A quaker will only require +a yea for an oath—we might sack these thirty guineas.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> Yes; but we must take care, if we fall +into the hands of this gentleman that's in pursuit of +us<span class="nowrap">——</span>'Sdeath, isn't that his man, the old boatswain?</p> + +<p><i>1st Ruff.</i> Don't run, I think we three are a match +for him.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> Instantly put on your characters of sailors; +we may get something out of him: a pitiful story +makes such an impression on the soft heart of a true +tar, that he'll open his hard hand, and drop you his last +guinea—If we can but make him believe we were +pressed, we have him; only mind me.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> To rattle my lantern, Sir George's temper +now always blows a hurricane.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> What cheer? [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">John</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Ha hoy!</p> + +<p><i>3d Ruff.</i> Bob, up with your speaking trumpet.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> Do you see, brother, this is the thing—</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>, <i>at the back, unperceived</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> If these should be my deserters. <span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>1st Ruff.</i> We three hands, just come home after a +long voyage, were pressed in the river, and without +letting us see our friends, brought round to Portsmouth, +and there we entered freely, cause why? We +had no choice, then we run. We hear some gentleman +is in chace of us, so as the shot are all out, we'll +surrender.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Surrender! Oh then you've no shot left indeed—let's +see. [<i>Feels his pocket.</i>] I hav'nt the loading +of a gun about me now, and this same monsieur +poverty is a bitter bad enemy.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> They are the deserters that I've been after. <span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Meet me in an hour's time in the little wood +yonder; I'll raise a wind to blow you into safe latitude—keep +out to sea, my master's the rock you'll +certainly split upon.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> This is the first time we ever saw you; but +we'll steer by your chart, for I never knew one seaman +to betray another.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ruffians</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Then they have been pressed—I can't +blame them so much for running away.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Yes, Sir George would certainly hang them.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> I wouldn't, they shall eat beef, and drink +the king's health, run and tell them so—stop, I'll tell +them myself.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Why, now you are yourself, and a kind, good +gentleman, as you used to be.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Since these idle rogues are inclined to return +to their duty, they shan't want sea store—take +them this money—but hold—I'll meet them myself, +and advise them as I would my children.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exeunt severally.</i></p> +<p> </p> + +<h5>SCENE II.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Wood.</i><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>, <i>in his first clothes, greatly agitated,<br /> +with pistols</i>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Which way did Mr. Abrawang take? Dick +Buskin, I think, has no suspicion of my intentions:—such +a choleric spark will fight, I dare say. If I +fall, or even survive this affair, I leave the field of love, +and the fair prize, to the young gentleman I've personated, +for I'm determined to see Lady Amaranth no +more—Oh, here comes Abrawang.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Now to relieve these foolish seagulls—they +must be hovering about this coast—Ha! puppy +unknown!—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You're the very man I was seeking.—You +are not ignorant, Mr. Abrawang—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Mr. what?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You will not resign your title, ha, ha, ha! +Oh, very well, I'll indulge you,—<i>Sir George Thunder</i>, +you honoured me with a blow.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Did it hurt you?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> 'Sdeath! but let me proceed like a gentleman; +as it's my pride to reject even favours, no man +shall offer me an injury.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Eh!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> In rank we're equal.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Are we faith? [<i>Smiling.</i>] The English of +all this is, we're to fight.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Sir, you have marked on me an indelible +stain, only to be washed out by blood.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, I've only one objection to fighting +you.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> What's that, sir?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> That you're too brave a lad to be killed.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Brave! No, sir; at present I wear the stigma +of a coward.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Zounds! I like a bit of fighting—hav'n't +had a morsel a long time—don't know when I've smelt +gunpowder—but to bring down a woodcock.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Take your ground.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> But what are we to do for weapons?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Here are weapons.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Well, this is bold work, for a privateer to +give battle to a king's ship.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Try your charge, sir, and take your ground.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> I would not wish to sink, burn, or destroy, +what I think was built for good service; but, +damme, if I don't wing you, to teach you better manners.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter the three</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ruffians</span>, <i>not perceiving</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>3d Ruff.</i> Ay, here's the honest fellow has brought +us some cash.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Looking at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> We're betrayed, it's the very gentleman, +that's in pursuit of us, and this promise was only a +decoy to throw us into his power—The pistol!</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Apart, and pointing to it.</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span> <i>ramming the charge</i>.<br /> +<br /> +[<i>2d</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ruffian</span> <i>seizes and wrenches the piece from</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geor.</i> Ah, boys!</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruff.</i> You'd have our lives, now we'll have +yours.</p> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent">[<i>Presents the piece at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George; Rover</span> <i>advances<br /> +quick, and knocks it out of his hand</i>.</p> +</div> + +<p class="right">[<i>They run off.</i></p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Rascals! <span class="ex">[<i>Pursues them.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geor.</i> [<i>Takes up the other piece.</i>] My brave lad! +I'll—<span class="ex">[<i>Going.</i></span></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>John.</i> No, you shan't. <span class="ex">[<i>Holding him.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geor.</i> The rogues will—</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Never mind the rogues—</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Noise of fighting without, a piece let off.</i></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geor.</i> S'blood! Must I see my preserver perish. <span class="ex">[<i>Struggling.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Well, I know I'm your preserver, and I will +perish, but I'll bring you out of harm's way.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Still holding him.</i></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geor.</i> Though he'd fight me himself—</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Sure we all know you'd fight the devil.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geor.</i> He saved my life.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> I'll save your life [<i>Whips him up in his arms.</i>] +So hey! haul up, my noble little crab walk! <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p> </p> +<h5>SCENE III.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>A Room in</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks's</span> <i>Cottage</i>.<br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Farmer Gammon, Banks</span>, <i>and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim.—Sim</span><br /> +<i>writing, and crying</i>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Boy, go on with the inventory.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> How unlucky! Feyther to lay hold of me +when I wanted to practise my part. <span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> This proceeding is very severe, to lay an +execution on my wretched trifling goods when I +thought—</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> Ay, you know you've gone up to the big +house with your complaint—her ladyship's steward, +to be sure, has made me give back your cottage and +farm; but your goods I seize for my rent.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Only leave me a very few necessaries—by the +goodness of my neighbours, I may soon redeem what +the law has put into your hands.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> The affair is now in my lawyer's hands, +and plaintiff and defendant chattering about it, is all +smoke.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Feyther, don't be so cruel to Mr. Banks.</p> + +<p><i>F. Gam.</i> I'll mark what I may want to keep for +myself. Stay here, and see that not a pin's worth +be removed without my knowledge. [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sim</span>.] +<span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> I'll be domm'd if I'll be your watch dog, to +bite the poor, that I won't. Mr. Banks, as feyther intends +to put up your goods at auction, if you could +but get a friend to buy the choice of them for you +again. Sister Jane has got steward to advance her a +quarter's wages, and when I've gone to sell corn for +feyther, besides presents, I've made a market penny +now and then. Here—it's not much! but every +little helps.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Takes out a small leather purse, and offers it to</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> I thank you, my good natured boy; but +keep your money.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> Last summer, you saved me from being +drowned in black pool, if you'll not take this, ecod, in +there I'll directly fling it, and let old nick save it from +being drowned, an'he can. <span class="ex">[<i>Going.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> My kind lad, then I'll not hurt your feeling, +by opposing your liberality.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Takes it.</i></p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> He, he, he! you've now given my heart such +a pleasure as I never felt, nor I'm sure feyther afore +me.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> But, Sim, whatever may be his opinion of +worldly prudence, still remember he's your parent.</p> + +<p><i>Sim.</i> I will—"One elbow chair, one claw table."</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exit, writing, and</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> The confusion into which Lady Amaranth's +family is thrown by the sudden departure, and apprehended +danger of her young cousin, must have prevented +her ladyship from giving that attention to our +affairs, that I'm sure was her inclination. If I can +but prevail on my brother too, to accept her protection—I +can't enjoy the delights of her ladyship's hospitable +mansion, and leave him here still subject to +the insults of his churlish neighbour—Heavens! +who's this? <span class="ex">[<i>Retires.</i></span></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span> <i>hastily, his hair and dress much<br /> +disordered</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> What a race [<i>Panting.</i>] I've at last got from +the blood hounds! Ah, if old Abrawang had but +followed and backed me, we'd have tickled their +catastrophes; but when they got me alone, three +upon me were odds, so, safe's the word—who's house +is this I've dash'd into?—Eh! the friendly cottage of +my old gentleman! Are you at home? [<i>Calls.</i>] Gadso! +I had a hard struggle for it; yes, murder was their +intent, so it was well for me that I was born without +brains, I'm quite weak, faint! [<i>Leans against the wall.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> [<i>Advancing.</i>] Sir, an't you well? [<i>With concern.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Madam, I ask pardon,—hem, yes, ma'am, +very well, I thank you—now exceeding well—got +into a fray there, in a kind of a hobble with some +worthy gentlemen; only simple, honest farmers. I +fancy mistook me for a sheaf of barley, for they down +with me, and then thresh'd so heartily, gad, their flails +flew merrily about my ears, but I up, and when I +could no longer fight like a mastiff, why, I—run like +a greyhound—But, dear ma'am, pray excuse me. +Egad, this is very rude, faith.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> You seem disturbed, [<i>With emotion.</i>] will +you take any refreshment?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Madam, you're very good.—Only a little of +your currant wine, if you please; if I don't forget, it +stands—just—[<i>Points</i>—<span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span> <i>brings some from a +beaufet.</i>] Madam, I've the honour of drinking your +health. [<i>Drinks.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> I hope you're not hurt, sir.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "A little better, but very weak still"—I +had a sample of this before, and liked it so much, +that, madam—"Won't you take another?"</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Sir!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Madam, if you'd been fighting, as I have, +you'd—well, well, [<i>Fills and drinks.</i>] now I'm as well +as any man—"In Illyria," got a few hard knocks +though.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> You'd better repose a little, you seem'd +much disorder'd coming in.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>Places a chair, and both sit.</i>] Why, ma'am, +you must know thus it was—</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sheriff's Officer</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Off.</i> Come, ma'am, Mr. Gammon says this chair is +wanted to make up the half dozen above. [<i>Lays hold +of</i> <span class="smallcaps">Amelia's</span> <i>chair, she rises terrified</i>.]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> What, what's all this?</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> Why the furniture's seized on execution, and a +man must do his duty.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Then, scoundrel, know, that a man's first +duty is civility and tenderness to a woman.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Heavens! where's my brother? This gentleman +will bring himself into trouble.</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> Master, d'ye see, I'm representative for his +honour the High Sheriff.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Every High Sheriff should be a gentleman, +and when he's represented by a rascal, he's dishonour'd.—Dem +it, I might as well live about Covent +Garden, and every night get beating the watch; for +here, among groves and meadows, I'm always squabbling +with constables. [<i>Whips up a stick from a +corner of the room, and holds it behind him.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> Come, come, I must—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "As you say, sir, last Wednesday, so it +was"—Sir, your most obedient, humble servant— +[<i>Bows respectfully.</i>] Pray, sir, may I take the liberty +to know, have you ever been astonished? [<i>With great +ceremony.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> What?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Because, sir, I intend to astonish you; my +dear fellow, give me your hand. [<i>Takes his hand, and +beats him—</i>] Now, sir, you are astonished?</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> Yes; but see if I don't suit you with an action.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Right, suit the action to the word, the +word to the action;" "See if the gentlewoman be not +affrighted"—"Michael, I'll make thee an example."</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> Yes, fine example, when goods are seized here +by the law, and—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> "Thou worm and maggot of the law!" +"Hop me over every kennel, or you shall hop without +my custom."</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> I don't value your custom.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> You are astonished, now I'll amaze you.</p> + +<p><i>Off.</i> No, sir, I won't be amazed—but only see if I +don't—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Hop!</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Exit</i> <span class="smallcaps">Officer</span> <i>muttering and bullying, yet +frightened</i>.</p> + +<p class="noindent">Stop, ma'am, these sort of gentry are monstrous bad +company for a lady—So I'll just see him to the door, +and then I'll see him outside the door.—Ma'am, I'm +your most obedient humble servant. [<i>Bows respectfully, +and exit hastily</i>.]</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> I feel a strange curiosity to know who this +young gentleman is. I find my heart interested, I +can't account for—he must have known the house by +the freedom—but then his gaiety, (without familiar +rudeness) native elegance of manners, and good breeding, +seem to make him at home any where.—My +brother, I think, must know—</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span> <i>hastily, and agitated</i>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Amelia, did you see the young gentleman +that was here? Some ruffian fellows, and a posse of the +country people have bound and dragged him from +the door, on the allegation of three men, who mean +to swear he has robbed them; and they have taken +him to Lady Amaranth's.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> How! He did enter here in confusion as if +pursued; but I'll stake my life on his innocence. I'll +speak to Lady Amaranth, and in spite of calumny, he +shall have justice—he would not let me be insulted, +because he saw me an unprotected woman, without a +husband or a son, and shall he want an advocate? +Brother, come. <span class="ex">[<i>Exeunt.</i></span></p> +<p> </p> + +<h5>SCENE IV.</h5> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth's.</span><br /> +<br /> +<i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Jane</span>, <i>with a light</i>.</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> I believe there's not a soul in the house but +myself; my lady has sent all the folks round the +country to search after the young 'squire, she'll certainly +break her heart if any thing happens to him; +I don't wonder, for surely he's a dear, sweet gentleman: +the pity of it is, his going spoils all our fine +play, and I had just got my part quite by heart; however, +I must do the room up for Mr. Banks's sister, +that my lady has invited here.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Adjusts her toilet.</i></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim Smooth</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> The man John Dory has carried the man +George hither in his arms, and has locked him up. +Coming into the house, they did look to me like a +blue lobster with a shrimp in his claws—Oh, here is +the damsel I love, and alone.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> They say when folks look in the glass, at +night, they see the black gentleman.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>As she is looking in a glass</i>, <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span> <i>goes and<br /> +peeps over her shoulders; she screams</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Thou art employed in vanity.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Well, who wants you?</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> It is natural for woman to love man.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Yes; but not such ugly men as you are. +Why would you come in to frighten me, when you +know there's nobody here but ourselves.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I am glad of that. I am the elm and thou +the honey suckle; let thy arms entwine me.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Oh, what a rogue is here! but yonder comes +my lady, and I'll show him off to her in his true +colours. <span class="ex">[<i>Aside.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Clasp me around.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Well, I will, if you'll take off your hat, and +make me a fine low bow.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I cannot bend my knee, nor take off my +beaver.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Then you're very impudent—go along.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> But to win thy favour.</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Takes off his hat, and bows.</i></p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Now kneel down to me.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I cannot, but one lovely smile may smile me +down.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>She smiles, he kneels.</i></p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Well, now, read me a speech out of that fine +play-book.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I read a play! a-bo-mi-na-ti-on!—But, Jane, +wilt thou kiss me?</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> I kiss a man! a-bo-mi-na-ti-on! [<i>Mimicking.</i>] +but you may take my hand—</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Oh! 'tis a comfort to the lip of the faithful.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Kisses her hand.</i></p> + +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="4" summary="Illustration"> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <a href="images/wo600copysm.jpg"> + <img src="images/wo600copysm.jpg" height="400" + alt="Lady Amaranth discovers Ephraim" /></a> + </td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td align="center"> + <span class="caption">Click to <a href="images/wo600gr.jpg">ENLARGE</a><br /> +<span class="smallcaps">lady amaranth</span>. — <span class="smallcaps">ah, thou sly and deceitful hypocrite</span>!</span> + </td> + </tr> +</table> +</div> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> How! [<i>Taps him gently on the shoulder, +he looks up confounded.</i>] Ah, thou sly and deceitful +hypocrite!</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Verily, Mary, I was buffetted by Satan, in the +shape of a damsel.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Begone!</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> My spirit is sad, though my feet move so +nimble.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Exit very slow.</i></p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> But, Oh, Heavens, no tidings of my +dearest Henry! Jane, let them renew their search.</p> + +<p><i>Jane.</i> Here's Madam Amelia, you see I've got her +room ready; but I'll go make brother Sim look for +the young 'squire. <span class="ex">[<i>Exit.</i></span></p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Oh, madam, might I implore your influence +with—</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Thou art ill accommodated here; but I +hope thou wilt excuse—My mind is a sea of trouble, +my peace shipwrecked—Oh, friend, hadst thou seen +my cousin Harry, thou too, all who knew him, must +be anxious for his safety.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> [<i>Without.</i>] Heave a-head.</p> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>Enters with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Rascal! whip me up like a pound of tea, +dance me about like a young bear, make me quit the +preserver of my life! yes, puppy unknown will think +me a poltroon, and that I was afraid to follow, and +second him.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Well, you may as well turn into your hammock; +for out to-night you shall not budge—[<i>Sees +Amelia.</i>] Oh! marcy of Heaven! isn't it—Eh, master? +Only give one look.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> [<i>Seeing</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.] My husband!</p> + +<p class="right">[<i>Swoons</i>; <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span> <i>supports her</i>.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> 'Tis my Amelia!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> [<i>Stopping</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>, <i>and looking attentively +at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span>.] Reef the foresail! first, you +cracked her heart by sheering off, and now you'll +overset her by bringing to.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Hold—soft!</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Are you at length returned to me, my +Seymour?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Seymour! her mind is disturbed, this is +mine uncle, Sir George Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> No, no, my lady, she knows what she's saying +very well.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Niece, I have been a villain to this lady, +I confess. But, my dear Amelia, Providence has +done you justice in part. From the first month I +quitted you, I have never entered one happy hour on +my journal; hearing that you foundered, and considering +myself the cause, the worm of remorse has +gnawed my timbers.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> You're not still offended with me?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Me! can you forgive my offence, and condescend +to take my hand as an atonement?</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Your hand! Do you forget that we are +already married?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Ay, there was my rascality.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> You may say that.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Hold your tongue, you impudent crimp, +you pander, you bad adviser—I'll strike my false +colours—I'll now acknowledge the chaplain you provided +was—</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Was a good man, and a greater honour to +his black, than your honour has been to your blue +cloth—Eh, by the word of a seaman, here he is himself.</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Your brother!</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Captain Seymour! have I found you, sir?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> My dear Banks, I'll make every reparation.—Amelia +shall really be my wife.</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> That, sir, my sister is already; for when I +performed the marriage ceremony, which you took +only as the cloak of your deception, I was actually +in orders.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> Now, who's the crimp, and the pander? I +never told you this since; because I thought a man's +own reflections were the best punishment for betraying +an innocent woman.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Madam, my inmost soul partaketh of +thy gladness, and joy for thy reformation. [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir +George</span>.] But thy prior marriage to this lady, annuls +the subsequent, and my cousin Harry is not now thy +heir.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> So much the better; he's an unnatural +cub; but, Amelia, I flatter myself I have an heir, my +infant boy.—</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Ah, husband, you had; but—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Gone! well, well, I see I have been a +miserable scoundrel—Eh, I will, yes, I'll adopt that +brave kind lad, that wou'dn't let any body kill me +but himself. He shall have my estate, that's my own +acquisition—My lady, marry him, puppy unknown's +a fine fellow! Amelia, only for him, you'd never have +found your husband Captain Seymour in Sir George +Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> What?</p> + +<p><i>Banks.</i> Are you Sir George Thunder?</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Landlord</span>, <i>followed by</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Land.</i> Please you, madam, they've got a footpad in +custody.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I am come to sit in judgment, for there is +a bad man in thy house, Mary. Bring him before +me.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Before you, old squintabus? And perhaps +you don't know I'm a magistrate?</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I'll examine him.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> You be damn'd—I'll examine him myself, +[<i>Shoves</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span>.] Tow him in here. I'll give him +a passport to Winchester bilboes.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> [<i>Kneels to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.] Oh, sir, as you +hope for mercy, extend it to this youth; but even +should he be guilty, which, from our knowledge of his +benevolent and noble nature, I think next to an impossibility, +let the services he has rendered to us—he +protected, relieved your forsaken wife, and her unhappy +brother, in the hour of want and sorrow.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> What, Amelia, plead for a robber! Consider, +my love, justice is above bias or partiality. If +my son violated the laws of his country, I'd deliver +him up a public victim to disgrace and punishment.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Oh, my impartial uncle! Had thy country +any laws to punish him, who instead of paltry +gold, would rob the artless virgin of her dearest treasure, +in the rigid judge I should now behold the +trembling criminal.</p> + +<div class="center"> +<p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Twitch</span>, <i>with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span> <i>bound, who keeps his face<br /> +averted, and Two</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ruffians</span>. +</p> +</div> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> [<i>Advances.</i>] Speak thou.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Hold thy clapper thou—Who are the +prosecutors?</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Call in—</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Will nobody stop his mouth? [<span class="smallcaps">John Dory</span> +<i>pushes him up against the wall</i>.] Where are the prosecutors?</p> + +<p><i>Twitch.</i> There, tell his worship, the justice.</p> + +<p><i>2d Ruffian.</i> A justice—Oh! the devil! I thought +we should have nothing but quakers to deal with. +[<i>Aside.</i>] Why, your honour, I'll swear—</p> +<p class="right">[<i>In a feigned country voice.</i></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> [<i>Looking at them.</i>] Oh, ho! Clap down +the hatches, secure these sharks.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I thought I should find you here, Abrawang, +and that you had some knowledge of these +fellows.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Heavens! my cousin Harry—[<i>Aside.</i>]</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> The devil! isn't this my spear and shield?</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> [<i>Advances.</i>] My young master—Oh! what +have you been at here? [<i>Unbinds</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.]</p> + +<div class="center"> + <p class="noindent"><i>Enter</i> <span class="smallcaps">Harry</span>. + </p> +</div> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> My dear fellow, are you safe.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Yes, Dick, I was brought in here very safe, +I assure you.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> A confederate in custody below has made a +confession of their villainy, that they concerted this +plan to accuse him of a robbery; first for revenge, +then, in hope to share the reward for apprehending +him: he also owns they are not sailors, but depredators +on the public.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Keep them safe in limbo. [<i>Ruffians taken +off.</i>]—Not knowing that the justice of peace, whom +they've brought the lad now here before, is the very +man they attacked, ha, ha, ha! The rogues have fallen +into their own snare.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> What, now, you're a justice of peace; well +said, Abrawang!</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Then, Sir George, you know him too?</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Know puppy unknown! to be sure.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Madam, I am happy to see you again. [<i>To</i> +<span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span>.]—Ah, how do you do, my kind host?</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Shakes hands with</i> <span class="smallcaps">Banks</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> I rejoice at thy safety—Be reconciled to +him. [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Reconciled!—If I don't love, respect, and +honour him, I should be unworthy of the life he +rescued. But who is he?</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Sir, he is—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Dick, I thank you for your good wishes; but +I am still determined not to impose on this lady—Madam, +as I at first told this well meaning tar, when +he forced me to your house, I am not the son of Sir +George Thunder.</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> No! Then I wish you were the son of an +admiral, and I your father.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> You refuse the lady? To punish you, I've +a mind to take her myself.—My dear cousin—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Stop, Dick.—If I, who adore her, won't, +you shall not. No, no; madam, never mind what +this fellow says, he's as poor as myself—Isn't he, +Abrawang.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Then, my dear Rover, since you are so obstinately +disinterested, I'll no longer teize my father, +whom you here see, and in your strolling friend, his +very truant Harry, that ran from Portsmouth school, +and joined you and fellow comedians.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Indeed!</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Dear cousin, forgive me, if, through my +zeal for the happiness of my friend, I endeavoured to +promote yours, by giving you a husband more worthy +than myself. [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Lady Amaranth</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Am I to believe! Madam, is your uncle, +Sir George Thunder, in this room?</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> He is.—[<i>Looking at</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> 'Tis so! You, in reality, what I've had the +impudence to assume! and have perplexed your father +with my ridiculous effrontery.—[<i>Turns to</i> <span class="smallcaps">John +Dory</span>, <i>angry</i>.] I told you, I insisted I wasn't the person +you took me for, but you must bring your damned +chariot! I am ashamed and mortified. Madam, I +beg to take my leave.</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> Thou art welcome to go.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> [<i>Bows.</i>] Sir George, as the father of my +friend, I cannot lift my hand against you; but I hope, +sir, you'll apologize to me. <span class="ex">[<i>Apart.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Ay, with pleasure, my noble splinter—now +tell me from what dock you were launched, my +heart of oak?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> I've heard, in England, sir; but from my +earliest knowledge, till within a very few years, I've +been in the East Indies.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Beyond seas? Well, and how?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> It seems I was committed an infant to the +care of a lady, who was herself obliged by the <i>gentle</i> +Hyder Ally, to strike her toilet, and decamp without +beat of drum, leaving me a chubby little fellow squatted +on a carpet. A serjeant's wife alone returned, and +snatched me off triumphant, through fire, smoke, cannon, +cries, and carnage.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Dost thou mark? [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Amelia</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Sir, can you recollect the name of the +town, where—</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Yes, ma'am, the town was Negapatnam.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> I thank you, sir.</p> +<p class="right">[<i>Gazes with delight and earnestness on</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> An officer, who'd much rather act Hotspur +on the stage, than in the field, brought me up behind +the scenes at the Calcutta theatre—I was rolled +on the boards, acted myself into the favour of a colonel,—promised +a pair of colours; but, impatient to find my +parents, hid myself in the steerage of an homeward +bound ship; assumed the name of Rover, from the uncertainty +of my fate, and, having murdered more +poets than Rajahs, stept on English ground, unincumbered +with rupees or pagodas. Ha, ha! Wou'dst thou +come home so, little Ephraim?</p> + +<p><i>Eph.</i> I would bring myself home with some money.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Excuse my curiosity, sir; what was the +lady's name in whose care you were left?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Oh, ma'am, she was the lady of a Major +Linstock: but I heard my mother's name was Seymour.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Why, Amelia!</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> My son!</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Madam!</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> It is my Charles! <span class="ex">[<i>Embraces him.</i></span></p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> Eh!</p> + +<p><i>John.</i> [<i>Sings and capers, claps</i> <span class="smallcaps">Ephraim</span> <i>on the +shoulders</i>.] Tol, lol, lol, though I never heard it before, +my heart told me he was a chip of the old +block.</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Your father!—</p> +<p class="right">[<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">Rover</span>, <i>pointing to</i> <span class="smallcaps">Sir George</span>.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Can it?—Heaven! then have I attempted +to raise my impious hand against a parent's life!</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> My dear brave boy! Then have I a son +with spirit to fight me as a stranger, yet defend me as +a father.</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> [<i>Takes him by the hand.</i>] Uncle, you'll +recollect 'twas I, who first introduced a son to thee.</p> + +<p><i>Sir Geo.</i> And I hope you will next introduce a +grandson to me, young slyboots. Harry, you've lost +your fortune.</p> + +<p><i>Harry.</i> Yes, sir, but I've gained a brother, whose +friendship (before I knew him to be such,) I prized +above the first fortune in England.</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> My generous friend—My dearest Rosalind!</p> + +<p><i>Amelia.</i> Then, will you take our Charles? [<i>To</i> <span class="smallcaps">L. Amaranth</span>.]</p> + +<p><i>Lady Am.</i> Yea; but only on condition thou bestowest +thy fortune on his friend and brother, mine +is sufficient for us, is it not?</p> + +<p><i>Rover.</i> Angelic creature!—to think of my generous +friend—But now for "As you like it." Where's +Lamp and Trap—I shall ever love a play—a spark +from Shakspeare's Muse of Fire, was the star that +guided me through my desolate and bewildered maze +of life, and brought me to these unexpected blessings.</p> + +<div class="center"> +<table style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="poem"> +<tr><td align="left">To merit friends so good, so sweet a wife,</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">The Tender Husband be my part for life;</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">My Wild Oats sown, let candid Thespian laws</td></tr> +<tr><td align="left">Decree that glorious harvest,—your applause.</td></tr> +</table> +</div> + +<p> </p> +<h5>THE END.</h5> + +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<table class="sm" border="0" style="background-color: #E6F6FA; margin: 0 auto" cellspacing="2" cellpadding="4" summary="NOTES"> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"> + <div class="center">TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE</div> + +<p class="noindent" style="background-color: #E6F6FA"> +The illustration has been moved to the appropriate place in the text.<br /> +<br /> +Contemporary spellings have been retained, even where inconsistent. In +a very few instances, missing punctuation has been added.<br /> +<br /> +Two corrections have been made and can be identified +in the body of the text by a grey dotted underline:</p> +</td> +</tr> +<tr> + <td class="w50" align="left" valign="top">"Ill tie your neck in a big beau"</td> +<td align="left" valign="top">"<b>I'll</b> tie your neck in a big beau"</td> +</tr> + +<tr> + <td align="left" valign="top">'Pon my my soul</td> + <td align="left" valign="top">'Pon <b>my</b> soul</td> +</tr> + +</table> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Wild Oats, by John O'Keeffe + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WILD OATS *** + +***** This file should be named 39060-h.htm or 39060-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/9/0/6/39060/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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